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Full text of "The Works of Mr. Congreve: In Two Volumes; to which is Prefixed The Life of the Author"

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T H fe 

WO R K S 

MR. C O N G R E V E: 

IN TWO VOLUMES* 
V L. I. 

CONTAINING. 

THE OLD BATGHELOR, 
THE DOUBLE DEALER, 
LOVE FOR LOVE. 

-THE SEVENTH EDITION. 

To tehich is prefixed,, 

The life of the AUTHQR. 



LONDON: 

l^rintcd for T. Lowndes, T. Caslo.v, T. Dayies^ 
W. NicoLL, S. Bladon> and R. Smac&« 



{ 



t J 3 






THE 

L I F E 

o It 

MR. C O N G R E V E. 



WILL JrA M Conor EVE, Efq. was defcemlcd 
from the ancient Family of the Congreves^ of 
Congreve in Staff&rdjhire^ his Father being fecond Sou 
to Richard Congrcve^ of that Place.-— Some Author*, 
and in particular Sir James JVare^ contend for his 
having been born in Ireland; but as Jacoh^ who was 
particularly acquainted with him, and who in his 
Preface acknowledges his Obligations to Mr. Congreve 
for his Communication of what related to himfelf; has 
abiblutely contradicted that Report, I (hall on his Au- 
thority, which I confider to be the fame as Mr. C?«* 
greve*s own, fix the Sjpot of his Nativity at a place 
called Bardfa^ not far from Leeds in Torkjhire, being 
Part of the Eftaie of Sir John Le^is^ his Great-Uncle 
by his Mother's Side* — It is certain, however, that he 
went over to that Kingdom very young. — ^For hi* 
A 2 Father 



4 T H E 1 r F E O F 

Father being only a younger Brother, and providetl for 
in the Army by a CommilCon on the Irijh Eftablifli- 
mertt, was compelled to undertake a Journev thither 
in Confequence ot his . Command ; which ne after- 
wards parted *with, tQ*^acCfe'pt of the Management of a 
confiderable Elkte belonging to the BurUngton Family, 
which fixed his Refidence there. — However, though he 
futfered this Son to receive his i^rfl Tindure of Letters 
in the great School at KHkemi^^ and afterwards to 
complcat his Claflical Learning under the Direction of 
\)x\AJh^ in the Unlverfity jof /)«^i?» ; yet, beii^ de- 
flrous that his Studies-fhould be directed to Piafit as 
well a« Improvement, he fent him over to England 
ioon after the Revolution, and placed him as a Student 
in the Temple, The dry, plodding Study of the Law, 
however, Was by no Means luitable to the fprightly 
volatile Genius of Mr. Congreve; and therefore, 
though he did not want AppHcation ia thofe Studie% 
to which his Genius led him, yet he did not 'cren at- 
tempt to make any Proficiency in a Service which he 
was probably confcious he (hould make no Figure in. 
Excellence and Perfecftion were what, it is apj^ rent; 
he laid it down as his Principle, from the very firil, to 
make it his Aim the acquiring; for in the very earlieil 
Exertion of his Genius, and a very early one indeed 
it was, viz, his Novel, called iJve and Ditty ruon^ 
eihd; written when he was not above leventecn Years 
of Age, he had not only endeavoured af, but indeed 
fwcceeded in, the prefenting to the World not a mcer 
N6vel according to Tafte and Fafhion then prevailing, 
but a Piece which (hould point our, and he in itfelf a 
Model of, what Novels ought to be. And though this 
eannot iticlf be called with i*ropriety a dramatic Work, 
yet he has fo ftridtly adhered to dramatic Rules in the 
fcompofition of ir, that his arriving at fo great a 
Degree of Perfedion in the regular Drama, in lb Ihorr 
a Time afcerwtti:ds,L i« hardly to be wondered at.-— 

His 



M R. C a f^r G R: ]| V E. ^ .^ 

Hk firft I*lay was' the t)I^ Baichelci\ and was the 
Amuienieut of fome leifure Hours durinjr a flow K^* 
covery iVom a Fit of illnefs, ibon after his Return to 
littgland^ and was in itfclf fo pertcdt, thajt Mr. 2)rvr/t(Vy 
on it's being (hewn to him, declar^l he ivad never i,n 
bis Life fecu fuch a firll Play ; and that great Poet 
baying, in Conjun^ion with Mr. Scuihcrne and Arthur 
M^tir.\:arhtg^ PIfq. given it a (light Revifal^ Dr. Dave* 
nanty who was thfe Manager of Drnry ham Theatre, 
and was deHghteci both w4thtke Piece and itf Author, 
brought it on the Stage in 1693,. where it,met wiih 
fuch univerfal A] probation, that Mr. Congreve^ though 
he was but nineteen Yfa/^ of Agjc at the Time of l^s 
wi-iting it, became now conlidered as a Proc to tbs 
<leclinii;g Stiig€;i and a rlfing Oeoius in aramaac 
Poetry. ^ 

The heatt Year he prodaced the Boubk Zhtdrr^ 
vnhich, for what Reafon hotrev^ I know not, did not 
meet with fo much SiKceTs at the forin^. The Merit 
of hie firft P)ay» hqwevei:, had obtain^ him the 
Favour and Patropi^ge: of Lord HaUfyxy and fome pe- 
culiar Marks of Df&in^ion from Queen Mary^ on 
whofe Death) whicn happened in the Qoie of tl^is 
Year, he wrote a very ekgant, Elegiac Paftoial. 

In 1695, when Bemrm op^noc| the new Houfc \x^ 
Lincoh^s^h/hJ^cldsy Mr. Cc^igreve joining with hrni, 
gave him his Comedy <it.LoveJir.j[:4fvei ;wijh Wvhich 
. Sie CoiDpaiiy opened their Catpp^n^ and which ii^et 
vithfuch Succefsic thM th^ imm^d^te^ly^ofiered the 
Author a Share in the Management qf- the Uppii^ qn 
Condition of biavfnrnifhing ^hem Vvith one Play 
yeMriy. -Thii. Ofier he aeceptsc^ . of ; bruc ^whether 
throi^h indolence, oi» that! Corre^bicfa w^iql^ -he 
Jooked on as weoeffiiry to bis :Wqxk9^ h\ii^Maui^/g 
Br ilk did not come out till ;x 697, norjiis- //gf /^/'f^jr 
A3.' iVorU 



\ 



6 T H E L I F E D F 

florid uU rwo Years after that. The indifferent Sue- 
cefs this lall-mentioned Play, though an cxcecdibg 
good one, met from the Public, compleated that Dif- 
guA to the Theatre, which a long Conteft with Jeremy 
Collier^ who- had attacked the Immoralities of the 
EngUJb Stage, and more efpecially fome of his Pieces^ 
had begun ; and he determibed nevermore to write for 
the Stage— *This l^efolution he punftually kept, and 
Mr. Demises Obfervation on that Point will, I am 
afraid, be found but too true, when he faid, " that 
** Mr^ Congreve quitted tlie Stage early, and thkt 
** Comedy left it with him.*— Yet, though he quitted 
dramatic Writing, he did ' not lay down the Pen en- 
ttrdy ; but occafionally wrote many little Pieces both 
in Profe and Verfe, all of which ftaad on the Rccordf 
of literary Fame. ^ 

It is very pbffibie, however, that hef might not fo 
- foon have given Way to this Difguft, had not the 
Eafinefs of his Circumftances rendered any Subfer- 
vience to the Opinions arid Caprice of the Town tib- 
foltitely unnecctfary to him. For his Abilities having 
very early in Life raifed him to the Acquaintance of 
' the Earl of Halifax^ who was ttfen the Mactnos of the 
Age, that Nobleman, defirous of railing fo promifing 
a Gemus above the Neceflity of toohafty Productions, 
^ made him one: of the Commiffioners fbr Hcenfiiig 
Hackney-Coaches, ar, according to Coxetcr^ a^Com- 
' milfioner of the H^ine Licence. He foon after bef^Qwed 
on him a Place in the P^-Office; and not long afer 
that, gave him a Poft in the Cttfteitis, worth fix hun- 
dred Pounds jftfr-^-wf«/«. « 

In the Year 1719, he was appointed ^Secrefaiy of 

Jamaica^ fo thar;^with all together^ his Income to- 

^ Wards the latter Part of his Life 'was xipwards of twclv^ 

hundred l\)Und^ a Year. Thus raifed above Dep^n- 

dance, 



dunce, : It vis naWondei; li|2 woul4i no longer render 
himfelf fubjedlto ^^e capricious Cenfurۤ or impotent 
Critics^ And had his poetical Father, Mx, Drycletf^ 
ever been railed to d)e fauie Circumilances,| it is pro- 
bable that his All for L/w^ wo uTd pot rio)v have "been 
eiteemed tjhe bell of his dramatic fteces>. nor woulji he 
have been compelled for a bare Livelihood to. the 
Drudgery of producing four Pkys in a Space of Time 
fcarce more than fuificient for fprming the Plot of one. 

But to return to Congrever^T\it greateft Part ojF the 
laft twenty Years of his t-ife was. fpent in Eafe'and 
Retirement, and heekher di^.not^ or aftbded not ta 
give himfelf any Trouble about ReBUtation.'-r-'^et jfome 
Part of that Condud might proceed from a Degree of 
Pride. T. Cihbcr, in his Lives of the Poets, Vol. IV. 
p. 93. relates an Anecdote of him, which I cannot 
properly omit here — •* When the celebrated Voltaire^ 
** fays he, was in England^ he waited upon Congreve^ 
•' and paffed him fome Compliments as to the Reputa- 
*' tion and Merit of his Works.— Cw^fve thanked liim, 
" but at the fame Time told that ingenious Foreigner, 
" he did not chufe to h conjidered as an Author, hut onfy 
** as a private Gentltftnan, and in that Light expeBed to 
** hfvijited^ — Voltaire ^nivitx^^Tljatif he had never been 
** iwy Thing but a private Gentleman^ in all Prohahility 
" be. had never hem troubled vjith that Vijit. — And ob- 
" ferves in his own Account of the Tranfadlion, that 
*• he was not a little difgufled with fo unfeafonable a 
«* Piece of Vanity." 

Towards the Clofe of his-Life he was much afflieled 

with the Gout ; and making a Tour to Bath^ for the 

Benefit of the Waters^ was unfortunately overturned in 

his Chariot, by which it is fuppofed he got fome in- 

j^v^cd.Sruife, as he ever after complained of a Pain in. 

^j^* Side ; and on his Return to London^ continued 

gradually declining in his Health, till the 19th oijan. 

A 4 1729^ 



f LIFE OP MA. CONGROSVE. 

1729, when hfe died, aged 57, at his Hotif^'in Sirrry- 
Street^ iti the Itrand^ and on the 96rh ioMctmng wa$ 
buried in Weftminfltr^Ahhn^ the PaU being fcpporedd 
by Peifoiis of the firll Bittinaioh. 

His dranmtic Pieces are iereu m Number, and tbc!r 
Titles as follow: 

1. OH Batchehr. C. 

2. Double Dealer. C. 

3. Love for hove. C« 

4. Mourning BVtdt, T« 

t.Wi^ tffbiWotWi C. , 

7. SiMifLK; Orii^oHa. 



Vhb 




''^ty^{9U^a^yfJar. 



T H E 

OLD BATCHELOR: 

V A 

COMEDY, 



^em tuUt ad Fcenam ventofb gloria curru^ 
£:$animat lenfusJpeBatori fedulus hiflat, 
Sic U*V€^Jic parvvm efi^ auimum qucd laudis avarum 
imbrmty, out teficit^^ 

Horat.. Lib. !!• Epift. L 



A 6 






^ To Ae Il^t HoDOttraUe 

]Lprd CXIFFORD^ of JtAlT&SBOROUGHy &C. 

Mt Lord, 

IT is witik m poX) de»l .o£ JPteyfdir^ tha^ I Ift^r 
hold oa this !fiifi Qeetlita, whkh tbe Acci4&Ats 
lof my LiSt kave^voi me*, o^ v^0ug ^ y^t Loit)- 
tftip: fbr, fau^ at the faiiDe time 1 write dio a31> tlfo 
World, it ^will be ?i m&tm of publShif^ (Vrh^ I 
iwould haFcei^fary bodf kn(Hv> the Hefpe^i ^ jDu^ 
-which I owe and pay to you. I hfive fo hiuda ;in- 
clioation to be yours,, that I deed, no other Engiaj^ 
ment : but the puticular Ttes» by which; 1 am bound* 
.to your Lordfliip and Eamify, ikave^put it J>\jl\ 6i my 
(Power to ikialce^ yoa^aIiy .Cooopiinscintf} iiiic«:»U Qffeis 
^ my&l^ will amauiiit to no^traofe! thaift m[ honQlb 
•AdBm>wl<xI«^^ and <mly fliBWf ii WiiUng;!)^ in^toe 
^(fo be graccnil., "••■ >? i:. ,^ ■ :' -^' i; r-i.^'- 
, I am very near wifluag.. tliat . it wSre j!^t; f^vMirVjeh' 
my Idtismft «» be yoiir Xordfbip*! Sorv^iM^ JbajC it 
might be more my Meiitf nor that! w^ld avoid: 
beiag^bligiKi to ym^ boc I %rodbi hiye i»y own 
Choice to run me into the JMni^ duat^X . iMi^t, hfttp 

" ifc- 



14 DEDICAj^T^ON TO 

it to boad^, I had diilinguiHied a Man to whom I 
would be glad to be obliged, even without the 
Hopes of having it in my Power ever to make him a 
.Return. , .^ . . . ,, 

It 18 impoifible &r ine to come near.yo£iti)U>i!d{hip 
in any kind, and not to receive (bme Favour; and 
while in appearance I am only making an Acknow- 
ledgment (with the ufual under- hand dealing of the 
World), I am :at tbe;£imeiiS«ie jAfioyating my own 
Intereft. I cannot give your Lordfhip your due, 
without tacking a Bill of my own Privileges. *Tis 
tru^^ if a'^Man n?ver c^himittefl a Fo|I^ he "^^ould 
never fland'in neeJof i Proteillion : but "then "Power 
would have nothing to do, and Good-nature no Oc« 
cafion to fhew itfelf; andy where thofe Qualities anc, 
'tis pity they fhould want <)bje6h tier (hinc upon, I 
mud confefs this is no reafon why a Man (hould do 
an idle thing, nor indeed any good Excufe ibr it 
when done; yet it reconciles the tJfes of fddi Au- 
tWltyi 'ftnd Godcfc^, Uo'^ the " Neceffitics of. bQr 
Follies; and is a fottof Poetical liogickt Whifchat 
this^Time I would make ufc of,, to acgue your 
Lordfliip into a Protedion of this Pli^ Ir isf the 
fiftl: Offence I have committed: in this kind, or /in- 
deed in any kind of Poetry, though not the firft 
made public; and, therefore, I hope will dbe more 
eafily be pardoned: but had it. been a£ted when it 
was (irft written, more might have been feid in its 
behalf; Ignorance of the Town, and Stage would 
then have been' Excufes in a young Writer, wbich 
now ^altaoft fiiiir Years Experience Will fcarce allow 

^. - Yet I mtoft -declare hijrfelf fen^bfe of the Good* 
nature of the Town, m receiving, this. Play fo 
kindly, with all its Faufa,. which i muft own were, 
for the moft part^' very induftiioufly covered by the 
Care of the Players; forj I think, fearcc a Chara«fter 
but received all the Advantage it would admit of^ from 
thejAiftpcftoftheAftion* . } 

- Aa 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. 15 

As for the Criticksy my Lord, I have nothing to 
iay to, or againi^ any of them of any kind: nqm 
tkme who' msdce juft Exceptions, to thofe wno.fiivi 
fault in the wrong place. I will only make this ge- 
neral Anfwerinbchalf of my Play (an Anfwer which 
^/2f/fM adviies/ every Man to irtake - Jfibf' hii^i/eif to 
tis Cenfurers), w«, TJhai if they who frtd Jbme Paults 
in it 'were as intimate luiib it as I anty tbey would find a 
great many more:. This is a Goafcffion, which I.ileed^d 
not to have made % but however, I can Axpff this Ufe 
from it, to my own Advantage, that I thil^ 't^t^e 
are no Faults in^it but what I do knoyt; whiohj^stM 
lake it, is the firil Step to an Aiti^ndment. . y. v 

Thus I tttsf ^^^^ ^'^ hope» (fi>i;ne tiitie or other) of 
making the Town amends; but you, .my JU>rd, I 
never can, though I am ever 

Tour LORDSHIP'S 

moft QhedieTtty and ^ 

mofi HwMe S^rvant^ 

WILL. CONGREVf;. 



7^ 



f x6J 



To Mr. C O N G R B V E. 



J 



W^ iimy aomrt the rj/kg Hmt's Cm^ ; Y 

Akd^mt bit'fiie^ ithi F)oei tulfi^ a^mw ; V 

Betaking kim. hetfte^t^^ 4fi 4^jf>/flmife. }i 

Retitrmng^intC9^^famvdfattm9nfir^%f€i 
JnftruSed^ andjufported ^p tifoi Pfa^ 
And Reputation^ fwhicb ^^ejirive to raije^ 
Nature Jo coy, fi hwnfy t& bt mjodtd^ 
Fiies^ like a Mtfirefs^ but to hepurfiid. 
O Congrere! IMfyfidk^m on the Chafe ; 
&be looks behind^ andivants tfyfiror^ Embrace f 
JS^yteids, J^jieldk, jitrrenders all her Charms^ 
Doyou hutfirce her gently to your Armi: 
'Such Nef*uin^ fitch (S^ac^ ktyoeir Lines ^tppear^ 
As you 'were made to be her Ravijber, 
Drydcn has long extendtd his Command!^ 
By Right Divine^ quite through the Mufes Land^., 
, Abjblute Lord \ and holding now from none^ 
But great Apollo, his undoubted Crown- : 
(That Empire fettled^ and grown oldin Pow^r) 
Can wijhfor nothings but a Succejfor : 
Not to enlarge his Limits^ but maintain 
Tljoft Provinces, which he alone could gain* 
Mis cldeft Wycherly, in wije Retreat, 
T/jought it not worth his ^tiet to be Greats 
Xrfi^, wandering Etherege, in wild Plea/iires tofty 
A fid foreign Inirejisy to his Mopes long loft : 
Poor Jjte and OtW2iydiad! Qongxtve appears^, 
lie Darlings and Iqft Cowfort tf his Tears i 



To Mr. dCJPNbREVB. 17 

Sut vjbeig^-njjhen fart of him (he that but late I) 

His Bo^ytOdif^jtrnfLfuhmttQ Fatfy 

Leaving, ids dtatbitfi H^orksj end Tifccbebiud ' 

(The natural Suc^effhr of his Mind}, 

Then nu^lfi, thou Jkti^ what be has Ifeguji: 

Heir to his Merit, be in Fame his Son^ 

}P hat thou bqH done^ Jlietvs oH is in thy I^o^utsV > 

JndtO'WfitehiUr^mi^mtifit.vritemori^ 

*Tts fometbisg tobe nxmi^totcm-nend^ 

£ut»i^h^Prss^is^tba^I(^ymtWmdy > t. 

THO. 8PUTHSRNR 



1- ■ ■ ' 



To Mr, C 0:N G ICE t E. • 

^/HE Danger Sr^eat^ in iBefieef^rifitsD^t 
H^henCritichareJorJfryto'^ntureJPraiji: 
II htn the infiHlous and iU-narut^ d Brood 
Behod^ and damn the Work^" hccaitfit'* tis gotfd ^' • 
And^ ivith a proudj ungenerous Sfiritj try 
To pafs afrOftracifin on Poetry. . . ' ; \ . . 
But you y my Briend^your Worth docs fi^pffy^iear'^- •.^- 
Above their Spleen ; you 'have ito Caufcfor Fear. ; 
JLike a weUrmHtl^ Harjoky you took your FUgbf ■ ^- 
^tte out of Reach ^ and alntoft out of Sight • 
As'theflropg,Sffn^ in^u^ fair Summed s Dqy^ 1 

Tou rife^ * and drive the 'Mljis and Clouds (TMoy^ ^ 

The Ovols andBatSf and all the Birds of Prey, J 

Each Line cfyours^ like polijh^d Steel, 's fo hardj 
In Beauty fafe^ it nuants no other Guard, 
Nature her fi^'s beholden to your Drefsy 
Whichy tho*Jli.llike^ much fairetyou exfrefs. 
Somej nfainfyftri*ving Honour to obtain^ 
Leave to their Heirs the Traffick of their Brain^ 
Like China under Ground^ the ripening IVare^ 
In a long time^ perhaps ^ gro^MS nuorth our Care: 
But you now reap the Fame, Jo ix>ellyoi^*veforjm ; 
The Planter tajtes his Fruit to Ripenefs grown. 
As a fair Orange-tree at once isfecn \ 

Big with whales ripe, yet fpringing fill with green ; 
So, at one Time, my worthy Friend uppears 
mth all the Sap of Youth, and Weight of Tears. 
Accept my pious Love, as forward Zeal, 
Which, though it ruins me, Ican^t conceal. 
Expos d to Cenfure, fir nry weak Applaufe, 
Pmplea^d tofuffer infojuf a Cavje : 
And, though my Offering may unworthy prove ^ 

^ %fie, as a Friend, the Wifhes of my Love. 

'■- J- MARSH, 

TO 



[19} 

To Mr. C O NG R EVE, 

On his Play, called; 77^^ Old Batchelor. 

W^/T; like true GoU^ refirC d from all AUct^ 

Immortal is^ and never can decc^^ 
^Tis in all Times atid L^iiguages the fame \ 
If or can an III Tr inflation quench the Flame; 
Fory though the Form and Fajhion don^i remain, 
Th' intrinfck Falue^ill it will retain. 
Then let eachfiudied Scene he writ with Art ; 
And Judgement fsixat to farm tty^ tahoitr^d Fart ; 
FachCharaBerbejuJiy and Nature (hem \ 
Without th^ Ingredient y ff% 'tis all Out Phlegm ; ^ 
For rhat^f the Soul luhich all the Mafs muft move. 
And <wake our P^affions into Grief or Love, . - 

But you J too hotwteoui* f owy our Wit fo thicks 
We arefurfriz'J, andkno^Muot ix)hej-£ i0j>ick\ 
Andy while with Clapping iax arejufl toyoUy 
Ourfehes we injure y and lofifoTnething t^ew* ^ , 

Whatmct^T^t wetheny great Touthy rf thee preface ^ x .• 
Whoje Art and Witfo much tranfcend thy^ ^gl^f \ ! [^ 

How wilt thoujhine at tly Meridian Height ^ \\ v t 

Who^ at tJjyBjfingyginflifi'vaJi aljghtl . 
If^hen Drydea, dyingy Jball the World deceive y '. ' 
Whom we immortaly as hl^ Worhy Relieve;.. ^ ., ^ 
Thou Jhaltfucceedy . the Glory of the Stc^e^ - . . \ 

Adorn ^ and entertain the coming Age. -^ ' ^ 

BEViL HipaOisr& 



PROLbGute 



PR: O L O G .17 E,: 

• Inteixkd ^ot The Old Batthihr. 

Written by the Lord Falkland. 

Ji/fO^T Authors on tb$ Stage at frfi appear^ 
•* '^ JLih Widows Bridegrooms^ fyU of Doubt and Fear t 
^b^ judge ^ from the Experience rf the Dame^ 
Horjo hard a ^ajk it is to quenvh her Flame ; 
Afid^ooho falls Jborf offtrrtifbitig a Cotirje^ 
Up to his hra^'t^ Predeceffor*s Force^ 
With utmofl i^agefram Jjer Embraces throrjon^ 
Remains^ coTPviHed^ as an empiy Drcne. 
Thus oftcn^ to his Shame ^ a pert Beginner 
Proves^ hi the Endy a mifirahle Sim^r* 

As far our Toungfler^ lam apt to doubt him^ 
With ail the Rigour of bis Toutb about bim^ 
But bey morffsnguine^ trufis in om and pwenty^ . 
And impudent^^fopes bejbtdl content you : 
For^ t bough MsSatchelor be, worn dndcoldj 
Hetbinkf tbeTiw^mayclubtobeiptheO/di 
And nvbat aione caM be atcbiev*d by neither 
Is vfttn brought about by both togetbir. 
The bri/keft If you all havefilt Alarms^ "I 

Findh^ the Fair-^neprqfihute her Charms J > 

ff^th troken Sigbj, in her old Fumhier^s Arms. J 

But.fn^ ourlari, be/^ears beHnferbejeedom 
W any RivaUyhutyoungh^yFeUawu 
faith! letbimtrybisU^mce. And^tf the ^kiw^ 
J^0r4>k Bf^ojgging^ prove ^ wq/hy Knavi^ 
may he be banyb^d tofome Wnely Den^ 
And never more have Leawe to dip bis Pen ! 
Butt if be be the Champion bepretends^ 
Both Sexesy fure^ will join to be his Friends ; 
For aU agree^ where all can have their Ends* 
And you muft awn him far a Man of Mighty 
ff be holds out tQpUqfeyou the third Night. 

\ J J : "^rr prologue,. 



} 



[ *' ] 

P R O L O G U E„ 

Spoken by Mrs. Bracegirdle. 

JJJO W this vile World is changed! In former Dayi^ 
•*^ Prologues ^joere/crioks Speecl)es hef&re Pia^ I 
Grave, folmm Thit^s (as. Graces are to Feajis) ; 
Where Poets begged a Bl^g from their Ouefis. 
Put^ now, fio more like JSt^liants nve come ; 
ji Play makes War, andProIigueis the Drunu 
Ami'dixjith keen Satire^ and 'Vi^th pointed Wtt^ . 1 

We tlyreatinyovy "who do for Judges ft, > . 

To farve oar Piays ; or elf 'ix^e^Udamnyour Pit, J 

But, for ^onnOoii fort, it falls out To-day, 
We^nfc ayoJiMg jduthov, and his firfi-borkPh^ : 
^o^fiamdiitgoxdyonJxsgoodBeha'oiour, 
He's 'very civil, and entreats your Fannsur* 
Not hut the Man has Malice, 'would he fherM it : 
But, on nty Confcicuce ! .hes /i. baJlfid Poet ; 
Tou think thatfrOftge — ^o matter, heUl ontgrviM it. 
Well, Pm his Advocate — by me he prays you 
(I don^t-hnbixy nxil^tlcr I fiall fpeAk to pleaje yau\ ; 
He. prays — OHefs me! <:^jatjball 1 do^ no^ ? 
Hang me, if 1 knorjo ^hat he prays,- or Ijow ! 
jtkd *ftnjas the prettiefi Prohgue as he wrote it ! 
Well, the Deuee take 'frte, jf I hanH forget it, 
O Lord! for Hearen^sSake ! excufe the Pl^} 
Becmfe, you^knaw, if it he damnd To-dcy^ 
IJhall^be han£d, for 'wanting vohat to fay. 
For niySaks then— but Pm infuch Conff^tm^ 
J cannot fiery to hear your Pcfilution, 



} 



} 



tRun$ofF. 



DRA. 



DRAMATIS PERSONiE. 



MEN. 



Heartwejl^ a furly old Batchelor, Y 

pretending to flight Wonien, >Mr. Berjly. 

fecretly in Love wtih Syhia^ J 
Belimour, in Love with BelMa^ Mr. Packer. 
Fainlove^ capricious in his Love; 1 li/r t> 

^in Love with u4^v««/Vi/tf, jMr. Ialmer. 

Sharper^ Mr. Havard. 

^xxJofephWtttoU^ Mr. Woodward* 

Captain Bluffe^ Mr. Yates. 

Fondiewife^ a Banker, Mr. Foote. 

Setter^ a Pimp, Mr* Blakbs* » 

Servant to FonJIewifi* 

WOMEN. 
>fr/tt«/«/<r, in Love with ^/«/w«f, Mri. Da VIES. 

Latitiaj Wife to Fondlewife^ Mrs. Pritchard. 

&^Ma FalnMs forfaken Mif- \ ^^^^ Cooper. 

trefs, J 

i«cy, her M?id, Mr^ Bennet. 

Boy and Footmen. 

S C E N E, LONDON. 



[ ^3 1 



THE OJ^D BATGHELOR. 
ACT I. S C E N E I. 

SCENE, TheStreet. . 

Bellmoxjr tf«^VAiNLOVE meeting, 

BeBm. J^Ainkvel and abroad {o early! Good 
^ ^ Morrow. I thought a Contemplative 
Lovcnr could no more have parted with his Bed in a 
Morning, than he could have flept in't. 
' raikl. BeUmouTj (rood Morrow— Why truth on't 
18, theie early Sallies are not ufual to me ; but Bu-^ 
iiheis, as you fee. Sir— [^ftuZ/i^ LetfersJ] And Bu* 
finefs mull be followed, or be loft. 
• Betlm. Bufinefs !— Aiid fo mull Time, my Friend, 
be clofe purfued, or loft. Bufinefs is the Rub of Lite^ 
perverts our Aim, cafts oif the Bias, and leaves ui 
wide and fhort of the intended Mark. 

FainL Pleafure, I gucfs, you mean. 

Bellm. Ay, what elie has Meaning ? 

f^ij//f/. Oh the Wife will tell you— 

Belbrt. More than xhcy belicve-^-or underftand. 

FainU How, how, ifedi a wife man fay more than 
he underftands I 

BeUm» Ay, ay, Wifdom's nothing but a pretending; 
to know and believe more than we really do. You 
read of but one wife Man ; and all that he knew was, 
that he knew nothing. Come, come, leave Bufinefe 
to Idlers, and Wifdom to Fools ; they have need of 
them : Wit, be my Faculty ; and Pleafure. my Occu- 
pation ; 



^4 THE OLD. BATCHELOR. 

pation : and let Father Time fhake hie Glafi. Let low 
and, earthly. Souls grovel till they have worked Aem- 
Si\rt9^ flit Feet-deep kito a Gtare. Bufinda .is not my, 
Element — I rowl in a higher Orb, and dwell— 

Fdkh Ift Cities iW Air of thy pwntwiidin^ Th^'s 
thy'Elcment, JW. Well,* as highV Flyer as you afe, 
I have a Lure may make you ftoop, IFIiftgs a Letter. 
' 'Bettm.l marry Sir, I have a Hawk's Eye at a • Wo- 
man's hand — There's more Elegancy in the falfe Spel- 
ling of thi&5uperfcrijption^[72j«.x^/ t/j(LLct0erJ\X^zn 
in all Cicero — Let me fee — How now ! Dear perfidious 
Vainlove, \Read5. 

FainL Hold, hold : 'slife ! that's the wrong. 

Bellm.l^vLY let's fee the Name (Syhia!) How canft 
thou be ungratefid totbit Greatur^ ? Shie's ^tr/jmely 
pretty, and loves iHee imirely-rri :have heard her 
breadsefuch Raptio^ about thee^^ 

F'ainL Ay, or any body that (he's about-^ 

BeUm.hio faith> Frattk^ you.wronghcr ; ihe has been" 
juft to you. 

^;«/.-That!s pleaiant, %^iny ^tnoth, fropitfeee, 
who haft had her. . ' 

Bellm. Nevcr-^hcr AfTexElions : -Tis tiwe^ by Hwven : 
(he own'd it.to:my Face ; and (Wufliingilike the Vir* 
gin Mom, Av;hen it difdobU the Cheat- which that 
trufty Bawd of Nature, Ni|^t,:ihad bid)f confeis'd her 
Soul was t^ue to.you ; tho' X by Treaciwry bad jftol'n 
theBlifs— 

FainL So was traeas TurtJe-^-in Imi^nation, N^d^ 
ha ? Preach this I)e<^iDe;to HuftHtnlds, i $uid .tbe.jx»ar- 
tied' Woixieii.irall adore tbe^. 

Bel/m. Why, faith, I think it will da well cno^jgh*^ 
Jfthe-Huihiittdbc dot of .•tkcrway,,far tb^ Witc to 
ibeav hcrfFoniiDtr3JindJmpaxionc©x)f.his;Abfeocc, by 
x^huffing aiLover as ]ikeihim.jaa.ifli6c«ti; And what is 
'«iiilike, fbciiia3rhelp outwllh hertio^wn-Faiaey. 

/I'tfifl/.Bmiis it ;notianJk]buie tQthe^^ to be 
umideafilindtxf? 
; . • Bclim. 



\ 



THE OLD BATCHEtOfe, «j 

Sellm, As you fay, the Abufe is to the Lover, not 
the Hufband : for^'tis an Argument of her great Zeal 
towards him, that (he will enjoy him in Effigie. 

Fainl. It mull be a very fuperflitious Country, where 
iuch Zealpafles for true Devotion. I doubt it will be 
•clamii'd by *n our Froteftant Huftands for flat Ido* 
Jatry — But if you can make Alderman Fondle^ifeoi 
your Perfuafion, this Letter will be needlefs. 

BeUm. What, the old Banker mth the handfomc 
Wife? 
FainU Ay. 

Belhn^ Let me fee — Latltia! Oh 'tis a delicious Mor- 
fel. Dear Franks thou art the trueft Friend in the World. 
Fainh Ay, am I not ? To be continually flarting of 
Hares for you to courfe. We were certainly cut out 
for one another ; for ray Temper quits an Amour, 
juft wliere thine takes it up^-But read that ; it is an Ap- 
pointment for me, this Evening; when Fcftdlevoifi 
will be gone out of Town, to meet the Matter of a 
^hip, about the Return of a Venture which he's in 
danger of lofing. Read, read. 

Bellm, reads. Hum, hum — Out of Town this Even- 
ings and talks of fending for Mr, Spintext to keep mi 
'Compare^ \ hut fll take care^ he Jl?all not he at home^ 
Good ! Spintext I Oh the Fanatick one-ey'd Parfon ! 
VainU Ay. 

Belbn. reads. Hum, Hum — That your Convef* 
/at ion ivill he Tfiuvh more agree ahle^ (f you can counterfeit 
his Hahity to hlind t/je Servants. Very good ! Then I 
mull be difguifed — With all my Heart- — It adds a 
Gufto m an Ainour ; gives it the greater Refemblance 
of Theft ; and among us lewd Mortals, the deeper 
the Sin the fwceter. Frank^ I'm amaz'd at thy Good- 
nature— 

VainU Faith, I hate Love when 'tis forced upon a 

Man, as I do Wine — And this Buiinefs is none of my 

ieeking ; I only happened to be once or twice, where 

'iL<r///7tf was the haadfomefl Woman in Company, fo 

Vol. L B comecjuently 



^26 THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

KTonfequently applied myfllf to her — And it iccms 
-ihc has taken me at my Word — Had you been there, 
iOr any body, it had been the fame. 

Bellm. I wifh I may fucceed as the fame. 

Fainl, Never doitbt it ; for if the Spirit of Cuckol- 
^om be once raifed up in a Woman, the Devil can't lay 
it, till (he has don't. 

Bellm. Prithee, what fort of Fellow is Fomlle^vj^fe? 

Fainl. A kind of Mongrel Zealot, fometinr.es very 
^recife and peevifh ; but I have feen him pleafant 
enough in his Way : Much addidted to Jealouiy, -but 
more to JFondnefe : So that, as he is often jealous nvith- 
out aCaufe, he's as often fatisfied without Reafbn. 

Bellm. A very even Temper, and fit for my Purpofe 
'I muft get your Man Setter to provide my Dlfguife. 

FainL Ay, you may take him for good and all if 
you will, for you have made him Ht for nobody clfe-— 
Well— 

Bsllm. You're going to vifit in return of S^hlas 
•Letter — ^Poor Rogue ! Any Hour of the Day or 
Night will fcrve her — Bat do you know nothing of a 
new Rival there ? 

yahiL Yes, Hc^mvell^ that furly, old, pretended 
Woman-hater, thinks her virtuous ; that's one Reafoii 
why I fail her: I would have her fret herfelf out of 
Conceit with me, that (he may entertain fonie 
Thoughts of him. I know he vifits her every Day. 

Bellm, Yet rails on ilill, and thinks his Love un- 
known to us ; a little Time will fwcU him fo, he muit 
be forced to give ifSirth; and the Difbovery mull 
needs be very pleafant from himfelf; to iee what Pains 
he will take, and how he will ilrain to be delivered of 
-a Secret, when he has mifcarried of it already. 

FaiuL Well, ^ood Morrow, let's dine together ; Til 
meet at the old Place. 

BcI//:2, With all my Heart; it lies convenient for vs 
to pay our Afternoon Scrv ice 5 to cur Miftrefles* I find 



THE OLD BATCHELOR- 27 

I am damnably In Love, I'm fo uneafy for not having 
Teen Bclijida Yeflerday, 

l^alnl. But I faw my Araminta^ yet am aa impatient, 

-SCENE il. 

JSciljfj.^Vnry what a Cormorant in JLove am I! 
who, not contented with the Slavery of honourable 
Love in oae Place, and the Pleasure of ^enjoymg 
fomehalf a fcofe Miftreflcs of my own acquiring; 
muft yet take -F/mhif^s Bufinefs u^on my Handf, 

'*becaufe it lay too heavy upon his; fo am not 
only forced to lie with others Mens WItcs for thona, 

^but muft alio undertake the harder Talk of obliging 
their MirtreiTes ! — I mnft take up^or I Ihall never hold 

jOLJt ; Flefli and Blood cannot bear it always. 

SCENE HL 
{T§ hini"] Sharper. 

^^harpJVm forry to fee this, Ned: OniDe -a Msa 
conies to his Soliloquies, I give him for gone. 

Bellm, Sharper^ -rm glad to fee thee. 

Sharp. What, is ^Belinda cruel, that you are fo 
thoughtful? 

Bellm. No faith, not for that— Bin there's a Bufi- 
nefs of Confequence fall'n out to Day, that requires 
fome Confideration. 

Sharp. Prithee what mighty Bulinefs of Confequence 
canft thou have ? 

-Beilm Why you muft know, *tk « piece nf *Work 
toward the finilhtng of an Alderman ; it ftems I mufl 
put the lafl hand to it, and d%ib him Cuckold, that be 
may be of equal 4)ignity with the reft of his 
Brethren : So 1 muft beg Belinda*! Pardon.— 

^j^tf;^. Faith e'en give her over for good-and-all ; 

you can have no hopes of getting her for a Miflfefs ; 

B z and 



38 THE OLD BATCH ELOR. 

^nd (he is too proud, too inconflant, too aflfeAed, 
atoo witty-, and toohandfomefora Wife. 

Bdhu But (he can't have too much Money — There's 
"twelve thoufami Pound*, Tom, — *Tis true (he is ex- 
<effively foppifh and affeded, but in my Confcience i 
believe the Baggage lores me j for Ihc never fpeaks 
'VftW of me herfelt, nor fuftcrs any body elfe to rail 
rat me. Then, as I told you, there's twelve thoufand 
S^ounds — Hum— Why faith, upoo fecond Thoughts, 
ihe does not appear to be fo very aflfe<5ted neither — 
*Give her her due, I think the Woman's a Woman, 
artd that's all. As fuch, I'm fure I (hall like her ; for 
4he Devil take me if I don't love all the Sex. 

Sharp. And here comes one who fwears as -heartily 
Jie hates all the Sex. 

:SCENE IV. 
\To ihem\ Heartwell. 

Hellrru Who, Heart^vell! Ay, but he knows better 
<hitigs— How now, George^ where haft thou been, 
fnarling odious Truths, and entertaining Compan)s 
like a Phyfician, with Difcourfe of their Difjeafes and 
Infirmities ? What fine Lady haft thou been putting 
out of Conceit with herfelf, and perfuading that the 
Pace (he had been. making dll the Morning was none 
of her own ? for I know thou art as unmannerly and 
4is unwelcome to a Woman, as a Looking-glaft 
after the Sitiall-pax. 

Hcaru I confefs I have notheen fneering fulfome 
Xyes and liau.'couS Flattery^ fawning upon a little 
tawdry W-hore, that will fawn upon me a^^ain, and 
entertain any Poppy that comes, like a Tumbler, with 
the fame Tricks over and over. For fuch, I guefs, may 
iiave been your late Employment. ^ 

BeUrtu Would thou hadft come a little fooner ! F'ali^ 
Jove would have wrought thy Converiion, and been 
ii Champion for the Caufe. 

Heart. 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. 2^ 

* Hearf, Whuty has he been here? that's one of 
Eove's j^n'l'Foohy is always upon fome Errand 
that's to no puqjofe, ever embarking in Adventures^ 
yet never comes to Harbour. 

S/jaiy>. That's becaufe he always fets out in foul 
Weather, loves to bullet with the Winds^ meet the 
Tide, and fail in the Teeih of Oppof«ion. 

Heart, What, has he not dropt Anchor atJlraminta^' 

Bi'UmrTvwih ou't is, (he fits his Temper bed, is ». 
kind of a floating liland ; fometimes feems in Reach^ 
thca vaniihes, and keeps him bufiedin the Search, 

tSharp, She had need have a good Share of Senfe, to>^ 
manage fo capricious a Lover, 

Bellm, Faith, I don't know,. He's of a Temper the- 
moft eafy to himfelf in the World ; he takes as mucU. 
always of an Amour as he cares for, and quits it whea^ 
it grows Hale and unpleafanr, 

isharp. An Argument of very little Paffion, very 
good Underflanding, and very ill Nature. 

Heart, And proves that Vainlwt^ plays the Fool* 
with Difcretion, 

Sharp, YoMy B£UmoWj are bound la Gratitude ta- 
ftickle tor him; you with Pleafurc reap that Fruit,, 
which he takes Pains to fow; he does the Drudgery 
in the Mine, and you (lamp your Image on the Gold. 

Bellm, He's of another Opinion, and fays I do the 
Drudgery in the Mine. WelJ,.we have each our Share- 
of Sport, and each that which he- likes bed; 'tis his 
Diverfion to fet, 'tis mine to cover the Partridge. 

Heart, And it (hould be mine to let them go again.. 

Sharp, Not till you had mouth'd a little, George ; I 
think that's all thou art fit foi* noxv. 

Heart, Good Mr. Young-fellow, youVe millaken- 
As able as yourfelf, and as nimble too, though I ma) 'nt 
have To much Mercury in my Limb?. 'Pis true, in- 
deed, I don't force Appetite, but wait the natural C*U 
of my Lull; and think it Time enough to be lewd,., 
j^fcer 1 hava had the Tcmpta<i6iu • * J 



30 THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

Belhtt, Trmc enough,: ay, too loon, I (hould' rather 
have cxpefted from a Pcribn oi your Gravity. 

Heart. Yet it is oftentimes too late with ibme of 
yott young, termagant, flafhy Sinners— -you have all 
the GuiJt ot the Intention, and noiv; of the Pleafurc 
of the Fnvclicer— 'tis true, you are fo eager in Fur- 
%XiX of the Temptation, that yooi fave the Devil 
the Trouble of leading you into it.. Nor is it out of 
I)ifcretion» that y«u don't fwallovv that very Hook 
vourfelves have baited : but you are cloyed with the 
tVeparative ; and what you mean fbr a Whet, turns the 
Edge of your puny Sto^aachs. Your Love is like 
your Courage, which you (hew, for the firft Year or 
two, upon all Occafions, till in a little Time, beings 
difabled ot di farmed, you. abate of your Vigour; and 
that daring Blade, which was fo often drawn, is bound 
i^'the Peace for ever after. 

Bellm. 1'hou art an old Fornicator, of a fingulav 
\tpodi Principle, indeed! and art for encouraging 
Youth, that they may be as wicked as thou art at th/ 
Years.. 

Heoft. I am fbr having every body be what theje 
pretend to be; a Whoremafler be a Whoreroailer; 
and not, like J^alnhve^ kifs a Lap-dog with Paflion^ 
when it would difgufl him ^m the Lady's owu 
Lip*. 

BeHrn* That only happens fometimes, where the 
Dog has the fweetcr Breath, for the more deanlj; 
Cbnvey^cc. But,. George^ you mull not quarrel with 
little Gallantries of this Wature ; Women are often 
won by them. Who would refufe to kifs a Lap-dog, 
kf it were preliminary to the Lips- of his Lady ? 

Sharftn Or omit playing with her Fan, and cooling 
her if ihe were hot, when it might entitle him to the 
OtBce of warming her when (he (hould be cold I 

BeUm. What is it to read a Play in a rainy Day, 
though you (hould be now and then interrupted ia a 
*itly Scene, and flic peihajs prefcrve her Laughter 

tiU 



THE' OLD BATCHELOR. 3? 

€\\ the Jeft were over ? Even that may be borne 
with, confidering the Reward inProf]>eft. 

//r^7;7, I contefs, you that are Women's Aflesi>eai 
greater Burdens; are forced to undergp Dre/Iing^ 
Dancing, Singing, Sighing, Whuiing, Rhyming^ 
Flattering, Lying, Grinning, Cringiug, . and the- 
Drudgery of Loving to boot. • .» 

BeUml O Bruce I tl»ve drudgery of Loving ! 

Hearts Ay ^ Why, to . cpme, . to tove through all 
thefe Incumbrances is like, coming to an Ellate over- 
chargeii with Debts, which, by the Time you have 
paid^ yields sa further Proiii than what the bare 
Tillage and Manuring of the Land will produce at the 
Expence of your own Sweat, 

Beilm. Prithee, how doft thou bve I 

Sharps He 1 hfi hates the Sex. 

Heart. So I hate Phyfick too — yti I mny love x.'-^ 
take it for my Health. 

Bellm, Well come olf, George^ if at any Time you 
(hould be taken ilraying. 

Sharp. He has need of fuch anExcuie, confidering 
the prciTem State »f his Bodvv 

lieart. How d'ye mean ? ' 

Sharp, Why, if Whoring be Purging (as you calt- 
it), then, I may fay, Marriage is entering into aCourl'c 
of Phjfick. 

i?r///«^. How ! George: Does the Wind blow there ^ 

Hearh. It will as foon blow T^rth and by South — 
M^rry, quotha ! I hope in Hea%'en 1 have a greater 
Portion of Grace ; and I think I have baited too- 
many 4^* thofe Traps, to be caught in one myfelf. 

Bellm. W^ho, the Devij! would have thee, unlefs. 
*uvcre an Oyiler-woma©^ ;lo ^Jjopagj^ie young ,Fr)- foP 
BUlingj^atet^Thy Taleiu will never recpmment(^thec^ 
to any Thine of better Qiiajity* 

\Hcart. My Talent is chiefly that of fpeaking 

Truth ; which I don't expect /hould ever recommend 

ia« to People of Quality. 1 thank ljef.v^n, I have 

B 4 very 



)2 THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

very honeOIy p archafed the Hatred of all. the great 
Families in Town. 

Sharp, And you, in return of Spleen, hate them. 
Bur, could you hope to be received into the Alliance 
o/ a noble Family— « 

Heart, No, I hope I fhall never merit that Afflic- 
tion — to be punifhed with a Wife of Birth — be a Stag 
cf the firfl I lead, and bear my Horns aloft, like one oF 
the Supporters of my Wife's Coar. 'Sdeath ! f would 
not be a Cuckold to ever an illuftrious Whore in 
Englancf, 

Bellm. What, not to make your Family, Man ! and 
provide for your Children ! 

Sharp, For her Children, you mean. 

Heart, Ay, there you have nickt it— there's the 
Devil upon Devil — O the Pride and Joy of Heart 
^would be to me, to have my Son and Heir rcfemble 
fuch a Duke — to have a fleering Coxcomb fcoff and 
cry,. Mr. your Son*s mighty like his Grace, has juft 
his Smi'e and Air of 's Face. Then replies another, 
— Methinks he has more of the Marquis of fuch 
£L i^ace about his Nofe and Eyes ; though he has mjr 
Lord vvhnt-d'yc-cairs Mouth to a Tittle. Then I, to 
put it off as unconcerned, come chuck the Infant undrr 
the Chin, force a Smile, and cry. Ay, the Roy takes 
after his Mother's Relations — when the Devil and 
flie know, 'tis a little Compound of the whole Bo^ly 
of Nobility. 

Bell, and Sharp, Ha, ha, ha. 

Bell, Well \ but, George^ I have one Queftlon to 
afe vou — 

Heart. Pfl*.aw ! I have prattled away my Time—-* 
I hope you are in no hafle tor an Anfwer— for I ihan't - 
ilay now. [Looking on his Watch, 

Bclbn, Nay, pri'.hee, George — 

Heart, No ; befides my Bufinefs, I fee a Fool 
cpmiii^ ili'& Wav, Adieu. 

SCENE 



TFTB O'LTT BATCH FLQR. j^ 

SCENE V. 

Sharper, BeLLMauit. 

J^cllm. What docs he mean! O! Ws Sir J^fi'fi^ 
IVittol^ with his Friend ; but I fee he has turned the* 
Corner, and goes another Way* 

Sharp. What, in theNanie of Wonder, is It? . 

Bcllm. Why, a Fool* 

Sharp. T'iS a tawdry Outfide. 

Be Urn. And a very beggarly Lining — ^yet he may. 
be woith your Acquaimance — a little of thy Che- 
mi llr}'^, Tom^ may extract Gold from that Ditt^ 

Sharp, Say you fo ? Faith ! I am as poor as a Che- 
mift, and would be as indullrious. But what was h<? 
that followed him ? Is iiot he a Dragon, that watchea 
thofe Golden-pippins ? 

Bdinu Hank? him j no ; he a Dragon I If he be^. 
'tis a very peaceful one: I can cnfurehis Anger dor- 
mant; or, (houlvl he {c^m ta rouze, 'tis but wclk 
felhing him, and he will deep like a Top. 

Sharp. Ay ! is he of that Kidney ?- 

Bellm. Yet is adored by that Bigot Sir JofepJy- 
JVittol^ as the Lnageof Valour- He calls him his^ 
Back; and,, indeed, they are- never afunder — yec 
laft Night, I know not by what Mifchance, ther 
Knight was alone, and had fallen ii^o tl\e Haads Qjf . 
fome Night-walkers, who, I fuppofe, would have pii- 
laged him; but I chanced to cqme by, and rpfcued 
him ? though I believe^ he was heartily frightened,, 
for, as fooa as ever he was loofe, he raa away, without 
joying to fee who bad helped hini» 

Sharp. I5 that Bally of his in the Army? 

Bellm-i No ; but is a Pretender, and wears ih^- 
Habit ot' a Soldier, which now a-days as often cloaks^ 
CoWardice, as a black Go>\'n does Atheifm. — You 
mud know, he has been abroad — wentjnirely to run' 
ftvvay from a Campaign j enriched himil-lf with the- 
B (^ \ Plundieii 



34 THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

Plitnderof a few Oaths — and here vents them again it 
the General, who, flighting INIen of Merit, and pre>- 
ferring only thofe of Interelir, has made him quit ihc 
Service. 

£/jarp. Wherein, no doubr^ he magnifies his owa 
Performance. 

Beiim, Speaks Miracles ! Is the Drum to his own 
Praise— the only Implecnent of a Soldier he refembles ;. 
like that, being full of bluilering Noilib and Emp^ 
tinefs — 

Sharf. And, like that^of no life but to be lieaten*. 

Be/lm, Right ; but then the Comparifon breaks, fo» 
he will take a Drubbing with as Uttk Noife as a Ful* 
pit-cufhion.. 

3^}atf* His Name; and I have dsne. 

Beilm, Why that, to pafs it current too, he ha» 
gilded with a Title. He is caHed, Captaia i//i^. 

S/jotf^ Well, 1*11 endeavour his Acq^ialntance— 
you fleer smother Courfe, are bound 

For Lovis fair IJle % I for the Goidtu Cbqft., 
JM^. tach fucceed' in 'vohat he 'ujrfiei mqft / 

END OF THI FIRST ACT. 



AC T IL SCENE L 

^Tr JosEPttWiTTOtL, SliARP-EH ^/lkv:>^« 

Sharp. Q U R E that's he, and aloae, 

O Sir % fVut. Um — ay, th» k the Tcrjr 
A>ra:n'd Place ; the mhuniane Canibals^ the bloody* 
minded Villains, would have butchered me laft Night : 
N;) doubt, they would have flea'd me alive,, have fold 
my Skin, and devoured^ ^a 

a Sharjk^ 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. 55 

Shdtp. How's this! 

Sir 7. If^itt. And it hadn't been ftir a. dvil Gcnth> 
imn as caroe by and frighted them away— but egaU { 
duril not llay to give him Thanks. 

S^barp. This muik be BeWnoxr he meaiit«— ha! I 
have a ITiought — 

Sir J. ffitt. Zuoksy would the Captain would come t 
the very Remembrance makes me quakes egad I Aial^ 
never be reconciled to this l*lace heartily. 

S/?arf. *Tis but trying, and being where I an at 
worll. Now luck !---<^urs'd Fortune I this nxull be 
the Place, this damn'd unlutky Place — 

Sir J. Jf^itt. Egad and fo 'tis — why here has bcc» 
more Mifchicf done, I perceive. 

Sharp. No 'tis gone, it is loft — ten thoufand DeyiU 
on that Chr»pce which drew me hither; ay here, juft 
here, this Sp<K to me is Hell ; nothing to be founds 
but the Defpair of what I've loft, 

[Looking itbeut as iit Search^ 

Sir J. Wirt. Poor Gentleman ! — By the Lord Harrys 
V\\ rfay no longer, for I have found too— 

Sharp. Ha ! who's that has found? What^iave you 
ibimd r reftore it quickly, or by — 

Sir J. M^in. Not I, Sir, not I ; as I've a Soul to be 
i:\ved, I have found nothing but what has been to my 
J.ofs, as I may fay, and as you were faying. Sir. 

Sharp. ^ O your Senrant, Sir : yo\x are lafe then, it 
fcenis ; 'tis an ill Wind that blows nobody good r 
Well you may rejoice over my ill Fortune, (ince it 
paied the Price of your Ranfom. 

Sir y. IVin. I rejoice ! egad not I, Sir : Fm veiy 
fcrry for your Lofs, with alLmy Heart, Blood and Guts, 
Sir r and if you did but know me, you'd ne'er fay I 
were fo ill-natur'd. 

Sharp. Know you ! why, can you be fo ungrateful, 
\% torgct me ! 

E6r ' «if 



56 THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

Sir ^, I^Fitt, O Lord ! forget him ! No, no. Sir, I 
rton*t forget you — becaufe 1 never ij^w your face, 
belore, egad. Ha, ha, ha. 

Sharp, How ! [Angrilw 

Siry.#7//. Stay, ftay. Sir, let mc recollect ~ he*s 
a c'am.i'd angry fellow ! — I believe 1 had better re- 
ipeuiber him, till I can get out of his Sight ; but out 
o'li^^ht out o'mind, egad. [^fil^ 

Lharp, Methought the Service I did you lall Night, 
^ir, in prefervingyou from thofe Ruflians, might have 
taken bcrt^r Root in your Ihallow Memor)% 

Sir y. Witt, Gad's-Daggers ! Kelts, Blades, and Scab- 
bart-ftl this is the very -Gentleman! How ihall I make 
him a Return fuitableto the Greatnefs of his Merit ?— 
1 had a pretty thing to that purpofc, if he^an*t fright- 
ed it out of my Memory. Hem ! hem ! Sir, I moft 
fiibmiirively implore your Pardon for my Tranfgreffioa 
of Ingratitude and Omiffion ; having my intire Depend- 
ance, Sir, upon the Superfluity of your Goodncfs, 
which, like an Inundation, will, I hope, totally im- 
n^crge the Recollection of my Error, and leave me 
floating in your Sight, upon the fuU-blown Bladders of 

Repentance by the help of which, I fhall once 

more he pe to fwim into your Favour. \^B(m)s, 

Sharp, So-h, O, Sir, I am eafily pacified — the Ac- 
know leJgment of a Gentleman — 

Sir J, IVitt. Acknowledgment ! Sir, I aoj all over 
Acknowledgment, and will not flick to fhew it in the- 
greatelt Extremity, ty Night or by Day,, in Sicknefs 
or in Health, Winter or Su'nmer, all Sealons and Occa- 
fionofhallieltlfy the Reality andGraiitudeof your fuper- 
abundant humble Servant, Sir ^^.pjftZy W^/'/W/ Knight* 
Hem! hem! 

Sharp,^\xJofephmttoU? 

Sir 7. mtt. lh« fame. Sir, of IFittoU Hall, in Co- 
mit-atu Bucks* 

Shaip, Is it poflible ! Then, I am happ)', to have^ 
obliged the Mirrour of Knighthood and Fink, of Cour- 
tcly in the Age— let me embrace you.. 

Sir 



THE OLD BAT.CHELOR. 37 

Siry. J^///.OLord,Sir! 

Sharp. My Lofs I erteem as a Tnflc repaid witfi 
Interell, fince it has purchafed me the Friendfhip arikl 
Acquaintance of the Perlbn in the World wliofe 
Charafter I admire. 

Sir J. Wilt, You arc only pleas'd to fay fo.— 
But pray, it I may be fo bold, what is that Lcfs yoa 
mention ? 

Sharp, O term it no ionger fo. Sir. In the Scuffle^ 
lad Night, I only dropt a Bill of a hundred Pounds, 
which, I crnfefs, I came half defpairing to recover; 
but thanks to my better Fortune- 
Sir J. IVitt, You have found it, Sir, then it fecms; I 
profefs i*m heartily glad — 

Sharp, Sir, your humble Servant— I don*t queftioti 
but you are ; that you have fo cheap an Opportunity 
of exprefling your Gratitude and Gcneronty : Since 
the paying lo trivial a Sum will wholly acquit you^ 
and doubly engage me. 

Sir J, IVitt, What a dickens do«s he mean by a tri- 
vial Sum ? {JJiJe'] — But han't you found it, Sir ! • 

Sharp, No othenvife, I vow to Gad, but in my Hopes 
in you, Sir.. 

Sir J, J'Pltt. Humh. 

Sharp, But that's fuflficient — Twere Injaftice to 
doubt the Honour of Sir Jofeph WittolL 

Sir 7. Hltt. O Lord, Sir. 

Sharp, You aie above (I'm fare) a Thought {6 low^ 
to fuffer me to lofe what was ventured in your Service ; 
nay 'twas in a manner — paid down for your Deli«- 
verance i 'twas fo much lent you — And you fcorn, I'll 
fay that for you — 

Sir J. JViff, NacyTll fay that for myfelf (with your 
leave. Sir,) I do fcorn a dirty thing. But egad I'm & 
little out of Pocket at prcfent. 

Sharp, Pftiuvv you can't want a hundred Pounds. Your 
AVord is fuflicicnt any where ; 'Tis but borrowing fo 

i&uch 



38 THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

much Dirt, yo* havd krge Acres, and can foon repay 
it —Money is hut Dirt, Sir Jofiph — Meer Dirt. 

Sir J. Witt. But, I profefsy 'tis a Dirt I have waflied 
' my Hands of at prefent ; I have laid it all out upon my 
Back. 

Sbaif. Are you fo extravagant in Cloaths, Syxynfiphf 

Sir J, Witt. Ha, ha, ha, a very good Jcft, I profefs ; 
ha, ha, ha, a -^tty good Jefl, ai;d I did not know that 
I had faid it, and that's a better Jell than t'other. *TU 
a Sign you and I han't been long acquainted ; you have 
loll a good Jeft, for want of knowing roe — I only 
mean a Friend of mine, whom I call my Back ; he 
flicks as dole to me, and follows mc throu^/h all Dan- 
gers — he is- indeed Back, Bread, and Heatlpiece as it 
were to me — egad he's a brave Fellow-— I auh, I am 
cjuite another thing, when I am wi^ him : I don't fear 
the Devil (blcTs us) almofl if he be by. Ah — had he 
been with me laft Night — 

&barp. If he hiid. Sir, what then ? he could have 
donenomore^ nor perbaps have IJutfered fo much — 
had he a hundred Pounds to lofe ^ [Auj^n/-:, 

Sir y. Witt. O Lord, Sir, by no means (but I might 
have faved a hundred Pounds). I meant innocently, as I 
hope to be favcd, Sir (a damn'd hot Fellow!) only, as I iv.is 
faying, I let him have all my ready Money, to retleem 
his great Sword from Limbo. — But, Sir, 1 have a Let- 
ter of Credit to Alderman Fo/iJiewife^ as far as two 
hundred Pounds ; and this Afternoon you (hall fee I am 
a Pcrlbn^ fueh a one as you would wifti to have mc?- 
with — 

S/jarfi. That you are, 111 be fworn* [^'^. 
Why that's great, and like yourfelfc 

SCENE n. 

[To t/jtm] Captain Bluffe, 

Sir J. Witt, O here a'comes; ^Ay, my HcSor ef 

Troy^ welcome my Bully, my Biick ; egad my Heart 
has gone apit pat for thee. Bltfe. 



THE OLD BATCH E LOR. 39 

Bluffe. How now, my young Knight ? Not for Fear^ 
I hope? He that knows mc muil be a Stranger to Fear* 

Sir J» H'ttt, Nay egad I hate Fcar^ ever fince I had 
like toha^c diedoF a Fright — But — 

Bluffe, But I Look vou here, Boy, here's your An» 
tidote, here's your Jekiits Powder t()r a (baking Fit— 
But who haft thou got with thee ? is he of Mettle ! 

[^Lay't?^ bis^ Hand upon his S'Mord. 

Sir J. Vf^itu Ay, Bully, a deviliih linar« FcUow : 
^a will fight like a Cock. 

Bluffe. Say you ib ? thea I honour him — ^But has he 
been abroad ? for every Cock will ftjht upon his owa 
DunghilL 

Sir J. fFtff. 1 don't kmwr, but 111 pieftnt you— 

B/uJ^e. I'll recommend myfcU^— Sir, I honour )rou ; 
I underftand you love fijjhting, I reverence a Man that 
loves fighting s Sir, I kifs your Hilts. 

S/jarf. Sir, your Servant : but you are miiinformed ; 
for unlefs k be to fervc my particular Friend, as Sir 
yofiplj here, niy Country, o* my Religion, or ia ibme 
-very juftffiable Cau-fe, I m not tor it. 
« Blitffe. O Lord, I beg your Pardon, Sir; I find you are 
not o^ my Palate^ you can^ rellih a Di(h of %hcin|^ 
without Iweet Sauce.. 'How I think—- 

FigbtMg^ fir fi,ihting Jah^s fitffident Caufi - 

' Fightings to me^ Reltgiort and ihi Lmvs^ 

Sir 7. iritt^ Ah well faid, nryHcrd; was not that 
preat. Sir ? by the Lord Harry^ he feystruc ; fighting 
IS Meat, Drink and Qoth to him. But, Back, this 
Gentleman is one of the beft Friends I have iii the 
World, and (oved my Life laft Night — ^You know I 
told you.. 

Bluffe. Ay f Then I honour him again — Sir, may I 
crave your Niame .? 

Sharp. Ay, Sir, my Name's Sharper^ 

Sir J. Ifitt. Pray, Mr. Sharper^ embrace my Back — 
▼enr well — ^by the Lord ftirry, Mr, Sharper^ he's as bra^e 
a Fellow as Camubaly are not you— Bully- Back. ^ 



40 THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

Sha^. Hannibal I believe vou mean. Sir lofcpB.. 
Bluffe. Undoubtedly he did, Sir ; faith, Hannibal v:^ 
2i very pretty Fellow — but^ Sir Jofeph^ Comparifons are 
odious — Hannibal was a very pretty Fellow in thofe 
Days, it mull be granted — but alaf^Sir ! were he alive 
now, he would be nothing, nothing in the Earth. 

Sharp, How, Sir! 1 m.dce a doubt, if there be at 
this Day a greater General breathing. 

Bluffe, Oh, excufe me, Sir ; have you ferved abroad^ 
Sir? 
^harp^ Not I really. Sir. 

Bli^e, Oh, I thought fc— Why then you can knowr 
nothing. Sir : I am^ afraid you fcarce know the Hillory. 
ef the late War in Flanders^ with all its Particulars. 

Sharp, Not I, Sir, no more than publick Letters, or 
Gazettes^ tell us* 

Bluffc. Gazettes! Why there again now — Why, Sir^ 

there aie not three Words of Truth, the Year round,. 

put intt) the Gazette — I'll tell you a llrange thing now^ 

as to that — ^You muft know, Sir, 1 was refident im 

Flanders the laft Camjxiign,. had a fmall Poll there ^ 

but no matter for that — Feihaps, Sir,, there was fcarce 

any thing of moment done but an humble Servant of 

youis, that fh all be namelefs, waa an Eye-witnefs 

ef — I won't fay had the greateft Share in't. ThoM 

might fay that too, fin ce I name nobody, you know— 

•Well, Mr. Slwrper, would you think it ? In ^11 this 

time— as I hope for a Truncheon — this rafcally 

Gazet/e-v/ntcr never fo much as once mentioned me— -i- 

Not once, by the Wars — Tcok no more notice, than as 

if lifoL Blujfe had not been in the Land of the Living. . 

*9/6^r/. Strange 1 
; Sir y, IVift. Yet, by the Lord Harry^ 'tis true, Mr. 
Sharper; for I went ev^ty Day to Coffee-houfes,*t<>v 
Tead the Gazette myfclf.- 

Bluffe. Ay, ay, no matter — ^You fee, Mr. Sharper^. 
after all,, I am content to retire — Live a private Per- 
Ion — Sc'pio aud others have done it, 

' Sharp^ 



THE OLD BATCrtELOR. 41 

^/'iir^. Impudent Rogue! ^ ^ , ^[Jfide. 

^ixJ.lFitt. Ay, thisdamn'd Modelly of yours-r 
Egad, if he would put in for't, he might, be m^d^ Gene* 
ral himfelf yet. . /^ . 

Bluffe. Oh iie, no, Sir Jofeph—YoM knowr 1 hatb 
this. 

Sir J. IVltt, Let me but tell Mr. Sharper a little, how 
J-ou ate Fire once out of the Mouth of a (^annon-rr 
egad he did ; thofe impenetrable Whilkers of his have 
confronted Flames— ^ 

Bluffe. Death, what do you noean, Sir Jofeph f 

Sir 5^. Witt, Look you now, I tell you he's fo mo^ 
deli-, he'll own nothing. .. 

Blujfe, Pifli, you have put me out, I have forgot what 
I was about* Pray hold your Tongue, and give me 
leave. \Angri^ 

Siry. IViit. I am dumb. 

Blt^'e. This Sword I think I was telling you of, Mr. 
SJjarper — This Sword I'll maintain to be the l^ell D^^ 
vine, Anatomift,. Lawyer^ orCafuift, in Europe j it iha^ 
decide a Controverfy, or fplit a Caufe— 

Sir y. Witt, Nay> now f muft fpeak i it will IpUt 
a Hair, by the Loid Hany^ I have (^GXi, it. 

Bluffe. Zouns, Sir, it's a Lie, you have not feen ii^ 
nor ^an't fee it ; Sir, I fay you can't fee; whatd'ye 
fay to that now ? 

Sir 7. Witt. I am blind. 

B^ii^e, Death, had any other Man interrupted me— i* 

Sir J. Wkt. Good Mr. Sharper^ fpeak to him ; I daip 
not look that way. 

Sharp, Captain, S;r Jofipk is penitent. 

Biirfl'e. O I am calm, Sir, calm as a difcharged Culve^ 
In— But 'twas indifcreer, when you know what vvill 
provoke me— Nay come, Sir Jojcph^ you know ui/ 
Heat's foon over. 

Sir J. Witt. Well, I am a Fool fometimes — ^But I'llk 
forry. 

iiiyfe, Enoui^h. 
. . Snc 



42 THE OLD- BATTHELGTC. 

Sir J. Wift. Comt, wcTlgo take a Glafs, tadi*owir 
Animoficies ; Mr. Sharper^ will you partake ? 

Sharp, I wait on you Sir; nay pi ay. Captain — ^Yoir 
arcSif 7e/^'jBack, 

SCENE III.. 

AnA'MiilTA, Belinda, Betty i«dt///«g^, /«- Ara- 
M I K T A*s ApartmtnU 

Beh Ah! Nay, Dear — urithee good, dear, fweet 
Coufin, no more — O Gad'( Lfwearyou*d make one lick 
to hear } otr. 

Aram, Blefsme ! what have Iifaidfto move you thusi 

Bck Oh you have raved; talfced idly, and all in 
Commendation of that fikhy, awkai^ two-lcg'd Crea- 
ture^ Man — ^you don*t know what youVc faid, your 
Fever has tranfported you. 

Aram If Love be the Fever which you mean, kind 
Heaven avert the Cure ! Let mc have Oil to feed that 
Flame, and never let it be extind, till I myfelf am 
Aihei» 

Bel. There was a Whine ! — O Gad ! I hate your 
horrid Fancy — Thie Love is the Devil, and fure to 
be in Love is to be poUefs'd — ^Mla in the Head, the 
Heart, the Blood, the— > All over— ^O Gad \ you arc 
quite fpoiled— I fliall bath the Sight of Mankind for 
your fake.. 

Aram. Fie, this is grofs Affcdation — A little of 
BcUmour*s Company would change the Scene. 

J?</. Filthy Fellow ! I wonder, Coufin— 

A'am. I wonder, Coufin, you fhould imagine I don*t 
perceive you love him. 

Bel. Oh ! I love your hideous Fancy I Ha, ha, h*^ 
love a Man! 

Aram, Love a Man \ yes, you would not love a. 
Bealh 

Beh Of all Bcalls not an Afs — which is fo lite 
your Faiidovc — Lard I I have feen an Afs lootfo cha- 



THE OLD EATCHELGK. 4^ 

gnn, ha, ha, ha, (you nuiil'pardbn me»Ican*t help 
laughing) that an abfblute Lover would have con- 
cluded the poor Creature to have had Darts, and 
Flames, and Altars, and- all that, in his Breafl. Ara^ 
minta^ come, 111 talkfcrioufly toyouhowj could you 
but fee with my Eyes, the Blrfbonry of one Scene of 
Addrefs, a Lover, (etout with all bis Equipage and 
Appurtenances ; O Gad ! fure you would«-»But yo« 
play the Gamcj and con(e<|u«ntIy caa^t fee the Mif- 
carriages obvious to every Staader-by. 

Aram, Yes, yes, lean feefbmething near it, when 
you and EeUmour meet. You don't know that yoif 
dreamt of BeVmour hSX Night, and. called him aloud 
in your Sleep. 

BeU Pifh, I can*t help dreaming of the Devil fomc- 
times ; would you from thence infer I love him.^ 

Aram. But that's not all ; you caught me in your 
Arms when you namei him, and prels'd me to your 
Bofom — Sure, if I had not pinched you till you w^ed> 
you had ftided me with Kiues* 

BiL O barbarous Afperfion ! 

Aram. No Afperfion, Coufin, we arc alone— Nay 
I can tell you more* 

BeL I deny it all. 

Aram. What, before you hear it ? 

BeU My Denial is premeditated, like your Miilicc-<* 
Lard, Coufin, you talk oddly— Whatever the Matter 
ts>, by my Soul, Tra afraid youlli follow eiul Courfes. 

Aram, Eti, ha, ha, this is pleafant. 

Bel, You may laugh, 4>ut— 

Aram, Ha, ha, ha. 

Btl. You may think the malicious Grin bcoomcs 
vou — The Devil take Bellmour /-^Why do you tell mfi 
of him ? 

Aram, Oh ! is it come out ^ — now yau are angty, I 
am fure you love him. I tell nobody eUc, Couliur-* 
i have not betrayed you yet. 

Bd. Prithee telUt all the Wodd, it's falfe. 



41. THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

Aram. Come then, kiA, and Friends. 

Bel Pilh. 

Aram, Prithee don't be fo peevifti. 

BfL Prithee don't be fo impertinent.— J5r//)f. 

Aram, Ha, ha, ha. 

Betty. Did your Ladyfhip caU, IVIadam ? 

Bel. Get my Hoods and Tippet, anci^bid the Foot- 
man call a Chair. . 

Aram, I hope you are not going out in dudgeon^ 
Couiin* 

S C E N E IV. 
[ To-t/jem] Footman. 

Feoim. Madam, there are — 

Bel, Is there a Chair ? 

Footm. No, Madam, there are Mr. BeUmcur and. 
Mr. Fainlovcy to wait upon your Ladyftiip. 

Aram. Are they below ? 

Footm. No, Madam ; they fcnt before, to know if 
you were at home. 

BeU The Vifit's to you, Coufin : I fuppofe I am at 
my Liberty. 

Aram^ Be ready to Ihew them up. 

SCENE V. 
[ 7i thm\ B B T T Y^ ^Mlth Hoods tuid Lookin^-glafs^ 
• I ciin't tell, Coufin, I believe we are equally con- 
cerned : But if you continue your Humour, it won't 
be very entertaining— (I know (he'd fain be j^er- 
fuiided to flay.) i^Jide. 

Bel, I fliall oblis;e you, in leaving you to the full 
and free Enjoyment of that Converfation you atl- 
mire — Let me lee ; hold, I look wretchedly 1 o-day ! 
Aram, Bettyy why don't you help my Coulin } 

\FKtthg on her Hoods* 

Bel Hold off your Fids, and fee that he gets a. 

Chuir with a high Roof, or a very low Seat — Stay» 

come 



THE OLD BATCkELOR. 4$ 

-come back h^-e, you Mrs. Fidget— you are fo ready to 
:%o to -the Footman — Here, take them aU again, my 
•Mind's changed, I won't go, 

SCENE VI. 
Ar A M I N T A, Be L I n d a\ 

-^nar;w.So,thisIexpe6ted — You won't oblige me thcn^ 
Coufin, and let me have all the Company to myfelf ? 

Bel. No, upon Deliberation, I have too much 

<!harity to truft you to yourfelf. The Devil watches 

all Opportunities ; and in this favourable Diipoiition 

of your Mind, Heaven knows how far you may be 

tempted : I am tender of your Reputation. 

Aram. I am obliged to you — But who's malicioas 
, now, Belinda? 

3eh Not I ; witncfs my Heart, I flay out of purt 
J^ifedion. 

Aram, In my Confcience, I believe you» 

SCENE VIL 
[To them] Vainlove, Bbllmour, Footmanh 

BeU, So, Fortune be praifed! Ta find you both 
^within, Ladles, is— 

Aram. No Miracle, I hope. 

BeUm, Not on your iide,Madam, Iconfefs — Bat my 
T3n^nt there and I are two Buckets, that can never 
come together. 

BeU Nor are ever like — ^Yet we often meet and clafh> 

Bellm. How, never like ! marry. Hymen forbid. But 
this it is to run fo extrava^ntly in Debt; I have laid 
out fuch a World of Lovfe in your Service, that you 
think you can never be able to pay me all 1 So Ihun 
me for the fame Reafon that you would a Dun. 

Bet. Ay, on my Confcience, and the moft imper- 
tinent and troublefome of Duns — a Dun for Money 
^11 be quiet, when he fee his Debtor has not where* 

witha 



^6 THE OXD BATCHtELOR. 

withaWBut a Dun for Love is an eternal Torment, 
that never refts-— 

Bellm. Till he has created Love where there was 
none, and then gets it for his Pains. For Importuni^ 
in Love, like Importunity at Cdurt, firft creates its 
own Intereft, and theapurfues it for the Favour. 

Aram. Favours that are got by Impudence and Im- 
^mitiity are like Difcoveries from the Racky when 
the allli6ied Perfon, for his Eale» ibmetimes confefles 
^Secrets his Heart knows nothing of. 

KainU I (hould rather think Favours {o gained to be 
due Rewards to indefatigable Devotion—- For as Love is 
a Deity, be muft be ferved by JPrayer. . 

BeL O Gad ! would you would all pray to Love 
^en, and let us all -alone! 

FainU You are the Temples of Love, and ^s 
throughj-ou our Devotion mull be conveyed. 

Aram. Rather, poor filly Idols of your own making, 
which upon the leafl Difpleafure you forfake, and 
(et up new — Every Man now changes his Miftrefs 
and his Religion, as his Humour varies, or his 
In^ereil. 

Fainl O Madam— 

Aram.^?iy come, IUnd we are growing fefious, 
and then we aue in great Danger of being dull — If my 
Mufick-mafler is not gone, PIIj entertain you with a 
new Song, whnch comes pretty near my own Opinion 
of Love and • your "Seai— Who's there? Is Mr. Gan^ot 
gone? \CiiUs. 

, Feotm. Only to the »cxt l^oor. Madam ; I'll call him. 

-SCJENE \m. 
AxAMtNTA, Belinda, Vainlove, and 

B£LLMOUR. 

BeUm. Why, you won't hear me with Patience, 
.^/v7/w. What's the matter, Coufin? 
-Belhn. Nothing, Madam, only— 

Bel 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. 47 

.'BcL Piiihee bold thy Tongue — Lard ! he has fo 
^ftercd me with Flamesand StufF — I think I (han't en- 
dure the Sight of a Fire this Twelvemonth. 

Seilm. Yet nil can't melt that cruel frozen Heart, 

Bel, O Gad !1 hate your hUleous Fancy*— you faid 
that once before — if you muft talk impeitinenrly, for 
Heaven's fake, let it be with Variety ; don't come 
ahvays, like the D^vil, wrapt in Flames— FU not hear 
a Sentence more, that begins with an, /^»/-«— of an, 
'I hejeechyou^ Madam^ 

, BeUm. But tell me how you would be adored — I am 
^Very traf^able. 

BeU Then know, I would be adored in Silence. 

BeUm, Humph, I thought fo, that you might have all 
the Talk to yourfelf— you had better let me fpeak ; 
for, if my Thoughts liy to any pitch, I fhall make 
villainous Signs. 

Bel. What will you get by that? to make fuch 
Signs as I won't underiland. 

Bdlm. Ay, but if I'm Tongue-ty'ti, I muft have all 
Tuy A6iions free to— quicken your Apprehenfioa— * 
and egad let me tell you, my moll .prevailing Argu- 
■^ent IS expreflcd in dumb Shew. 

SCENE IX. 

[To them] MUSICK-MASTER. 

Aram. O I am glad we fhall have a Song, to divert 
tbe Difcourfe — Pray oblige «s with the laft new Song« 

s o N a 

L 

Tbutioaripe^ confcntingMal^^ 
Poor^ oldf repenting Delia faiJ^ 
Would you long prejei^ve your Lover T 

Wifuldyoujlill his GotUefs reign f 
2^ever let bim all difiover^ 

Never let- bim much obtain* 



4S THE OLD BATCM£LOR. 

n. 

Men '-JDiU admire f adore ^ and die j 
imie "-Jcijbing eUyour Feet they fye : 
But admitting their Kn^races^ 

M^akes them from the Golden Dream ; 
Kothijigs new hejides 9mr Faces, 
E^^ery ffonum is thejame, 

^rtfj*. So, how d'ye like the Song, Gentlemen? 
Bellm. O very well performed — but I don't much ad* 

•mire the Words. 

j4ram. I expeiSbed it-— there's too much Truth in 
them, if Mn Ganfot will walk with us in the Garden^ 
we'll have it once agnin-^you may like it better at fe- 
cond hearing. You*il bring my Couiin. 

Bellm. Faith, Madam, I dare not fpeak to her, but Til 
make Signs. [AddreJJrs Beli nda in dumb She^jK 

Bel. O foh, your dumb Rhctofick is more ridi- 
culous than your talking Impertinence : as an Ape 
is a much more troublcfome Animal than a Parrot. 

Aram, Ay, Couiin, and 'tis a Sign the Creatures 
mimick Nature well ; for there are tew Men, but do 
more filly things than they fay. 

'Bellm, Well, I find my Apifhnefs has paid the Ran- 
fom for my Speech, and let it at Liberty*— tho* I 
confefs, I could be well enough pleafed to drive on a 
Love Bargain in that filent manner — 'twould fare a 
Man a World of Lying and Swearing at the Year's 
end, Belides, I have had a little Experience, that 
brings to Mind — 

Hhen IFit jond Reajon hoih havefiiiTdto move; 
Kind Looks and AHions (from Succejs) do f rove ^ 
*Ev'/r Silence me^ he Eloquent in hwe^ 



} 



EKO OF THE SFCOKO ACT. 

ACT 



THE OLD BATCHELOH. 4 

ACT IIL SCENE L 

SCENE, ne Street, 

Sylvia and LircY, 

iS^^/W.T T 7 I L L he not come then ? 

^ VV ^»£y« Yes, yes, come, I warrant 
him, if you will go in, and be ready to receive him. 

Syhia. Why did you not tell me? — Whom mean 
you ? 

Ltfcy. Whom you fliould mean— fif^trmv//. 

Syhla. Senfeieis Creature ! 1 meant my f^ainlave» 

I^ucy. You may as foon hope to recover your own 
Maidenhead, as his Love. Therefore e'en fet your 
Heart at reft, and, in the Name of Opportunity, mind 
your own Bufinefs. Strike Heartweii home, before 
the Bait's worn off the Hook. Age will come. He 
nibbled fairly Yeflerday, and no doubt will be eager 
enough To-day to fwallow the Temptation. 

Syhfia. Well, fince there's no Remedy— Yet tell 
me — for I would know, though to the Anguifh of my 
Soul ; how did he refufe ? Tell me — how did he re- 
ceive my Letter, in Anger or in Scorn? 

Lucy. Neither ; but, what was ten times worfe, 
with damned fenfelefs Indifference. By this Light, I 
could have fpit in his Face— Receive it ! Why he re- 
ceived it, as I would one of your Lovers that fhould 
come empty handed; as a Court Lord does his; 
Mercer's Bill, or a begging Dedication :— he received 
it, as if it! had been a Letter from his Wife. 

Syhia, What! did he not read it? 

Lucy. Hum'd it over, gave you his Refpe<^8, and 
faid, he would take Time to perufe it— but then he 
was in hafle* 

Vol. L C Syhia^ 



5p TILE OLD RATCHELOR. 

Syhxia. Rcfpeds! andperufc it! He's gone, and 
jiraminta ^hus bewitched him from me — Oh, how 
the Jfeni^ of Rival fires my Bipod! — I could cuiie 
them both ; eternal Jealoufy attend her Love, and 
Difappointment meet his ! Oh, that I could revenge 
the Torment he has caufed— methinks I feel the 
Woman (Irong within. me» and Vengeance kindles in 
the room of Love. 

Lttcy. I have that in my Head may make 
Mifchief. 

Syhfia. How, dtar LucyT 

Lucy, You know Aramnte^s diflembled Coynefs 
has won, and keeps him hers-— 

Syhjia, Could we perfuade h im^ that ihe loves 
another— 

Lucy. No, you're out; could we perfuade him, 
that fhedoatson him, himfeU^ — Contrive a kind Letter 
as from her, it would difguil his Nicety, and take 
away his Stomach. 

B^hjia. Impoffible, 'twill never take. 

Lucy. Trouble not your Head. Ijtx mt alone— 
I will infoi-nv myfelf of whatpaft between them To-day, 
and about it ftrcight — Hold, I'm millaktn, or tha's 
HeartweHf who (lands talking at the Corner — 'tis he— • 
go, get you in, Madam, receive him pleafantly, (irefs 
up your Face in Innocence and Smiles ; and diHemble 
the very Want of Diffimulation — You know what will 
t;^e him. 

Syhia. Tis as hard to counterfeit Love, as- it is to 
conceal it : but I'll do my weak Endeavour, tliough I 
fisar I have not Art. 

Luty, Hang Art, Madam, and trufl to Nature for 
diffembling. 

Man ivas hy Nature WomatCs Cuiy ntade : 
' We nenms are hut hy ourfehes hetrt^d. 



SCENE 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. ft 

\ ^ .... 

SCENE II. 
HBartwell, Vainlov&j etndl^iLViiQVVi fiUvdjh^. 

Selbnour. Hift, hift, is not that /Tf^jr/zv^i/ going to 
Sylvia? ' 

Fainlove. He's talking to himfclf, I think; pr*)thee 
let's try if we' can hear him. ■. 

Heartvjell. Why whither in the Devil^s Name am 
I going now? Hum— let me think— Is not this 
Syhia^s Houfe, the Cave of that Enchantrefs, and 
which confequeiltly I ought to (hun as I would In- 
fection? To enter here, is to put on the envenomed 
Shirt, to run into the Embraces of a Fever, and, in 
fome raving Fit, be led to plunge myfelf into that 
more confuming Fire, a Woman's Arms. Ha ! well 
recolle(5led 1 I will recov-cr my Reafon, and be gohe. 

BeUmour. Now /'^^^wi forbid ! " 

Vainlove, Hulh — 

Heartrootll. Well, why do you'not move? Feet, do 
your Office!— -not one Inch; no, forcgad, I'm caught— i 
There ilands my North, and thither my Needle 
points — Now coxild I curfe myfelf, yet cannot repent* 

thou delicious, damned, dear, d€ftru<Sive Woman ! 
'Sdeath,^ how the yoCirig FelloWs will hoot me ! I fhall 
be the Jell of the Town : Nay, in two Days, t expe6t 
to be chronicled in Ditt)-, and fung in vjcoeful Ballad^ 
to theTunc of **Thc fuperannuated Maiden's Comfort, 
or the Batchdor's fall ;" and upon the third, I fhall be 
hanged in Effigy, pafled up for the exemplary Orna- 
ment of Ncceliary-houfes and Coblers-ftalls— Death, 

1 can't think on't— I'll run inta the Danger, to lofe the 
Apprehenfion. 

SCENE III. 

BeLLMOUII» VAINLOVBi . • ^. 

BeUmdur. A very certain Rcnicdyi frobdium e/h-^ 

Ha, ha» ha ! poor George^ ! thou art i-tV n^t, thou 

C a baft 



5z THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

haft fold tbyfelf to Laughter; the- ill-natured Town 
will find the Jefl juft where thou haft loft it. Ha, ha I 
hojw he fttLiggled, like an old Lawyer between r\vo 
Fpes ! 

f^ainlove. Or a young Wench, between Pleafure 
and Reputation. • 

Belbjumr, Or as you did To-day, when, half afraid,^ 
ypu fnatched a Kifs from Araminta. 

Vdinlovc^ She has made a Quarrel on't. 

Bellmour. Paugh, Women are only angry at fuch 
Offences, to have. the Pleafure of forgiving them. 

Fainhve. And I love to have the Pleafure of 
making my Peace — I ftiould not efteem a Pardon if 
too eafily won. 

Bellmour, Thou doft not know what thou would'ft 
be at; whether thou would'ft have her angry or 
pleas'd. Could'ft thou be content to marry Araminta ? 

Fainlovc. Could you be content to go to Heav'n ? 

Bellmour. Hum ! not immediately ; on my Coii- 
fcience, not hdartily ! Fd do a little more good in my 
Generation iirft, in order to deferve it. 

Fainlave. Nor I to marry Araminta t\\\ I merit 
her. 

Bellmour, But how the Devil doft thou iexpedl to 
get her if ftie never yield ? 

Fainlove. That's true ; but I would — 

Bellmour* Marry her without her Confent ; thou'rt 
a Riddle beyond Woman-— 

S C E N E IV. 

[7i them] Setter. 

Trufty Sftter^ what Tidings ? How goes the Projcifl ? 
Setter. As all lewd Projetts do, Sir, where the 
Devil prevents our Endeavours with Succefs. 

Bellmour. A good hearing. Setter. 
, Vaitdove. Well, I'll leave you with your Engineer. 
, fitlimouTn 7^t>d haft thou provided Neccflaries? 

Setter. 



\ 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. ijj 

Sitter. AM, all, Sir; the large fatiAified Hat, and 
the little prccife Band, with a twinging long fpiritukl 
Cloak, to cover carnal Knavery — not forgetting the 
black Patch, which Tribulation Spinte^t wears, as Tni 
informed, upon one Eye, as a penal Mourning for 
the ogling Offences of his Youth; and fomefay, with 
that Eye, he firft difcovered the Frailty otiiis Wife. 

Bellmour. Well, in this fanatic ratter's Habit, 
will I confefs Latitia. 

Setter. Rather prepare her for Confeflion, Sir, by 
helping her to Sin. 

Bellmour. Be at your Mafler'is Lodging in the 
Evening, I (hall ufe the Robes. * 

SCENE V. 

Setter, alone* 
Setter. I Ihall, Sir — I wonder to which of thefc 
two Gentlemen I do moft properly appertain — the 
one ufes me as his Attendant; the other (being the 
better acquainted with my Parts) employs me as a 
Pimp ; why that's much the more honourable Employ- 
ment— by all means — I follow one as my Maftcr, 
t'other follows me as his Conductor. 

SCENE VI. 
[7i ^///i Lucy.] 
Lucy. There's the Hang-dog his Man — I had a 
l^ower over him in the Reign ot my Miftrefs ; but he 
is too true a Falet de Chamhre not to affed his MaiW« 
Faults; and confcqucntly is revolted from his Alle- 
giance* 

Setter. Undoubtedly 'tis impofJible to be a Pimp, 
and not a Man of Parts ; that is, without being po- 
ll tic> dilipnt, fecret, wary, and fo forth — And to all 
this, valiant as Hercules — that is, paffively valiant, and 
actively obedient— Ah ! Setter ^ what aTrcafurc is here 
loll, for want of being known ! 

C 3 Luty, 



54 THE OLD BATCMELOR. 

Lucy. Here's fame ViUainy a-foot, he's fo thought- 
ful ; may be I may difcover foraetbing in my Maft-- 
Worthy Sir, a Word with you. [Puts on her Majk, 

Setter. Why, if I were known, I might come to 
?be a great Man — 

Luc^, Not to interrupt your Meditation — 

Setter, And I /hould not not be the iirft that has 
procured his Greatnefs by Pimping. 

Lucy. Now Poverty and the Pox light upon thee, 
for a contemplative Pimp! 

^tter. Ha ! what art thou, who thus malidouAy 
haft awakened me from my Dream of Gloiy? Speak, 
thou vile Difturber—- 

Lucy. Of thy moft vile Cogitations — thou poor, 
conceited Wrerch, how wertthou valuing thyfelf, u|)on 
thy Mafter's Empbyment ! For he's the Head Pimp 
to IVlr. Bellm<mr. 

Setter. Good Word^ Damfel, xx I fliall— But how 
doft thou Know my Mafter or me ? 

Lucy. Yes, I know both M^fter and Man to he-« 

Setter. To be Wtn perhaps ; nay hi\th like enough; 
I often march in the Kear of my Mailer, and ent^r the 
Breaches which he has made. 

Lucy. Ay, the Breach of Faith, which he has 
begun, thou Traitor to thy lawful Princefs ! 

Setter. Why how now ! pr'y thee who art ? Lay by 
that worldly Face, and produce your natural Vizor. 

Lucy. No, Sirrah, Til keep it on to abufe thee, and 
-leave thee without Hopes of Revenge. 

Setter. Oh ! I begin to fmoak you : thou art fome 
fbrfaken Abigail^ we have dallied with heretofora— 
and art come to tickle thy Imagination with Remem- 
brance of Iniquity paft. 

Jjucy, No. thou pitiful Flatterer of thy Mafter's 
Imperfe<flions ; thou Maukin made up of the Shreds 
and Parings of his fuperfluous Fopperies. 

Setter. Thou art thy Miftrefs's foul felf, compofed 
^f herfuliied Iniquities' and Cloathing. 

Lucy. 



THE OLD B'ATCHELOR. yj 

Lucy. Hang thee — Beggar's Cur ! — ^Thy Mafter is 
but a Mumper in Love, lies canting at the Gate; but 
never dares prefume to enter the Hou»^. 

Sett, Thou art the Wicket to thy Miftrefs's Gate, to 
be o]:)enecl tor all Comers. In fine, thou art the high 
Road to thy Miftrefs. 

Lucy, Beafr, filthy Toad! I can hdd no longer;, 
look, and tremble. \Unmq/ks. 

Sett. How, Mrs. Luiy! 

Lucy. I wonder thou haft the Impudence to look me 
in the Face. 

Sett. Adfbud, who's in fault, Miftrefs of mine ? 
who flung the lirft Stone? who undervalued my 
Funiftion ? and who the Devil could know you by 
Inftina? 

Lucy, Ycfu cojild know my Office by Inftin6l, and 
be hanged, which you have flandered moft abominablyt 
It vexes me not what you faid of my Perfon ;* but that 
my innocent Calling (hould be ex^ofed and fcanda- 
lized-^— I cannot bear it. 

Sett. Nay, faith, Lucy^Vm fony ; -ril own myfelf to 
blame, though we were both ia. Fault as to o^r 
Offices. — -Come, 1*11 make you any Reparation. 

Lucy, Swear. 

Sett, I do fwear, to the utmdft of my Power. 

Lucy, To be brief then; what is the Reaton yout 
Mafter did not appear To-day according to the oum* 
mons r brought him ? 

Sett, To anfwer you as briefly — He has a Caufe to 
be tried in another Court. 

Lucy.^ Come, tell me in plain Terms, how forward 
he is with Aramlnta, 

Sett, Too forward to be turned back — Though lie'« 
a little in Difgrace at prefent about a Kifs which he 
forced. You and I can kifs, Lucy, without all that. 

Lucy, St:md off — He's a precious Jewel ! 

Sett, And therefore you'd have him to fet in your 
tady's Locket, 

C 4< Lucy. 



j;6 THE OLD BATCHELOR 

i«fy. Where is he now ? 

Seti He'll be in the Piazza prefently. 

Lucy, Remember To-day*s Behaviour— Let me ftc 
you wkh a penitent Face. 

Sett, What, DO Token of Amity, Lucy? you and I 
don't ufe to part with dry Lips, 

Lucy. No^ HO, avaunt — ill not be flabbercd and 
kifled now — I'm not i'th' Humour. 

Sett, ril not quit you fo — I'll fellow and put you into 
the Humour. 

SCENE VIL 

Sir Joseph Wittol, Blvffe. 

Bh^e, And fo out of your unwonted Gcnerofity — 

Sir J. Witu And Good- nature. Back j 1 am gocd- 
natured, and I can't help it. 

Bluffe. You have given him a Note upon Fondkrjoife 
for a hundred Pounds. 

Sir y. Witt. Ay, ay, poor Fellow, he ventured fiiir 
for't. 

Bhffe. You have difbbliged me in it — for I hav/e 
tJcicafibn for the Money, and if you would look me in 
the Face again and- live, go, and force him to rede- 
liver you the Note — -^o— and bring it me hither. I'll 
'flay here for you. 

Sir y. Witt, You may ftay till the Day of Judge- 
ment then, by the Lord Harry, I know better things 
than to be run through the Guts for a hundred 
Pounds — Why I gave that hundred Pounds for being 
faved, and d'ye think, an there were no Danger, I'll 
be fo ungrateful to take it from the Gentleman again? 

Bluffe, Well, go to him from me — Tell him, 1 fay, 
he muft refund — or Bilbo's the Word, and Slaughter 
will enfue— if he refufe, tell him — but whifper that — 
tell him — I'll pink his Soul — but whifper that foftly 
to hipi. 

Sir 



THE OLD BATCH-ELOR. 57 

Sir y. IVltt. So foftly, that he (hall never hear Qn't, I 
warrant you — why, what a Devil's the matter, Bully, 
are you mad ? or d'ye think Tm mad ? Ega(), for my 
Part, 1 don't love to be Mellenger of ill Ne^vs; it is an 
ungrateful Office — fo tell him ypurfelf.- ; 

Bluffe, By thefe Hilts, I believe he frightened you In- 
to this Compolition : I believe you gave it him out of 
Fear, pure paultry Fear — confefs. 

Sir 7. Wittn No, no, hang'r, I was not afraid neither 
— tho* I confefs he did in a manner fnap me up — ^yet I 
can't fay that it was altogether out of Fear, but partly 
to prevent Mifchief — for he was a devilifh choleric 
Fellow : And if my Choler had been up too, egad there 
would have been Mifchief done, that's flat. And yet, 
I believe, if you had been by, 1 would as foou have let 
him had a hundred of my Teeth. Adflieart, if he (hould 
come jufl now when I'm angry, I'd tell him-— Mum. 

SCENE VIII. 
\To them] Bell M OUR, Sharper. 
BeUm, Thou'rtalucky Rogue ; there's your Benefac- 
tor, you ought to return him Thanks, now you have 

received the Favour. 
i^harp. Sir Jojefh-^Yowx Note w^s accepted, and* 

*the Money paid at Sight : I'm come to return my 

Thank? — 
Sir y, Ifi/f. They won*t be^ accepted fo readily as 

the Bill, Sir. 

Btll/n* I doubt the Knighrrepents, Tom — He looks 

like the Knight of the forrowful Face. 

Sibarf. This is a double Generofity^^Do me a 

Kindnefs, and reftife my Thanks — But I hope you ar& 

not offended that I offered th cm- 
Sir J. IVitt, May be I am, Sir, may beT am not. 

Sir; maybe I am both. Sir 5 what then? I hope i 

may be oftended, without any OtFenccio you. Sir. 
C 5 So'». 



S« THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

- Shaff, Hey-day ! Captain, what's the Matter ? you 
can tell. 

Biuffe, Mr. Sharper^ the Matter is plain Sir 

JofrfhhsA found out your Trick, and does not care K> 
be put upon ; being a Man of Honour. 

^hnrp. Trick, Sir i^ 
• Sir y. Vf^iit^ Ay Trick, Sir, and won*r be put upon. 
Sir, being a Man of Honour, Sir, and fo. Sir— ^ 

Sharp, mrkee, Sir Jojeph^ a Word with you — in 
Confidcration of fome Favours lately received ; I would 
hot have you draw yourfelf into a I^remunire, by iruft- 
J«g to that Sign of a Man there — that Pot-gun 
barged with Wind. 

Sir J* IPItt, O Lord, O Lord, Captain, come judify 
yourfelf— I'll give him the Lie, if you'll Itand to it. 

&!>arp» Nay then Til be befoix^hand with you : take 
that — Oafe. Wufs him. 

Sir ;7' ^^''' ^^P^^*"> will you fee this? Won't you 
pink his Soul? 

Bluffs. Hufli'f, 'tis not fo convenient now-— I fliall 
find a time. 

Sharp, What do you mutter about a Time, Rafcal ?— 
You were the Incendiary — ^I'here's to ]>ut you in 
Mind of your Time— A Memorandum. [Kicki him, 

Bluffe. Oh, this is your Time, Sir ; you had bell make 
ufe on't. 

Sha'^p* Egad, and fo I will : There's again for you. 

[Kicks hif/u 

Bluffer You are obliging» Sir, but this is too public 
a Vlace to thank you in : But, in your Ear, you are to 
be feen again. 

SharU, Ay, thou inimitable Coward, and to befelt--« 
as for Example. \Kicki him^ 

BcUm. Ha, ha, ha! pr'ythee come away, 'tis fcandalou* 
to kick this Puppy, unlefs a Man were cold, and had 
no other Way to get bin fclf a Heat, 

SCENE 



\ 



TETE OXD BATCKfiLOR. 59 

SCENE IX. 
&> Joseph Wit toll, Bluffe. 

Bluffe, Very well*^very fiae — ^But 'tis no matter— • 
Is not this fine, Sif Jofefhf 

Sir y. Wttt, Indifterent, egad, in my. Opinion, very 
inditFtrent — Pd rather go plain all my Life, than 
wear luch Finery. 

Blufc. Death and Hell ! to be affronted thus ! I'll die 
before I'll futFer it. [^Dravjs. 

Sir J. Win. O Lord ! his Anger was not raifcd be- 
fore — nay, dear Captain, don^t be in a Paflion now 
he's gone — Put up, put up, dear Backv 'tis your Sir 
Jojefh hcg^ ; come, let me kifs thee 5 fo,^ foy RUtuj^ 
put up. s , 

Blttffe. By Heaven, 'tis not to be put up. 

Sir J. M^iit. What, Bully ?• 

Bluffe. The Affront. 

Sir 7. /:f7//. No egad no more it is, for that's put Ujp 
j^ll already, thy. Swow I mean. 

Bluffc. Well, Sir Jofifh^ at your Entreaty— But 
uere not you,. my Friend, abufed, and cutFt, andkickt? 

[ Puttirig up his Sv;orth 

Sir % Witt,^A)\ ay, fo were you too 5 no matter, 
'lis paii. 

Biuffe. By the immortal Thunder of great Guns, 'tis 
falfe— lie fucks not vital Air, who dareSc affirm it to 
this Face. \ljoohhigm 

Sir J. Witt. To that Face I grsuit you> Captain—- 
No, no, i grant you — ^Not to thut Face> by the 
Lord Harry — If you. had put on your' fighting Face 
before^ you had done his Blufineft — he durll as foon, 
have kift you,, as kickt you to your Face — But a 
Man can no more help what's done behind his Back, 
than what's faid — Come, we'll think no more of 
what's part. 

B/fffe, I'll call a Council of War within, to confider 
of my Revenge to come. 

C 6 SCENE 



Co THE OLD BATCHELQR. 

SCENE X. Sylvia's j^far/»iefit. 

Heartwell, Sylvia, 

^ SONG. 

yfs Amoret aud Thyriis /ay 

Melt i tig tic Hours in gentle Play ; 

yoining Faccs^ mhtgling KiJJeSy 

And exchanging barmkfs Blljfes: 

He trcmhling a-led^ 'with eager haft t^ "j 

let ?ne feed as Vi\'ll as tafti\ > 

1 die, if Pm not 'wholly hkjl, J 

After the Songy a Dance of Antich* 

' Sylvia. Indeed it is very fine — I could look upon 
them all Day. 

Heart, Well, has this prevailed for me, and will you 
look u|)on me ? 

Sylvia, If you could fing and dance {o^ I fhould love 
to look upon you too. 

Heart, Why 'twas I fung and danced; I gave Mufic to 
the Voice, and Life to their Meafures — Look you here, 
Sylvia [Pulling out a Purfe and chinking //.] here are 
iSongs and Dances, Poetry and Mufick — ^hark ! how 
fweetly one Guinea rhymes to another — and how 
they dance to the Mufic of their own Chink. This 
buys all the t'oihcr — and this thou (halt have ; this, 
and all that I am worth, for the Purchafe of thy Love-- 
Say, is it mine then, ha ? Speak, Syren — Oons, why 
do I look on her ! Yet I muft — Speak, dear Angel, 
Devil, Saint, Witch ; do not rack me with Sufpence. 

Syhic, Nay don't flare at me fo — You make me 
blu(h— I cannot look. 

Heart, Oh Manhood, where ait thou! What am I 
come to ? A Woman's Toy, at thefe Years ! Death, a 
bearded Baby for a Girl to dandle. O Dotage ! Dotage ! 
That ever that noble Paffion, Lujl^ fliould ebb to this de- 
gree \ — No Reflux of vigorous Blood : But milky Lave 
uipplies the empty Channels; and prompts me ta the 

Soft- 



T^E^LD BATCHELOR. 6i 

Softnefs of a Child — a meer Infant, and would fuck. 
Can you love mc, ^hia f fjjeak. 

Syhia. I dare not fpcak till I believe you, and in- 
deed Tm afraid to believe you yet. 

Heart, Death, how her Innocence torments and 
pleafes me ! Lying, Child, is indeed the Art of Love ; 
and Men are generally Mailers in it : But I'm fo newly 
entered, you cannot dillr»jft me of any Skill in the 
treacherous Myftery — Now, by my Soul, I cannot 
lie, though it were to ferve a Friend, or gain a Milb efr« 

fylin€t, Muft you lie then, if you fay you love me ? 

Heart, No, no, dear Ignorance, thou beauteous 
Changeling — I teW thee 1 do love thee, and tell it 
for a Truth, a naked' Truth, which Tm alhamed to 
difcover. 

Syhia. But Love, they fay, is a tender Thing, that 
will fmooth Frowns, and make calm an angry Face ; 
will foften a rugged Temper, and make ill humoured 
People good : You look ready to fright one, and talk as 
if your Paffion were not Love, but Anger. 

Heart, 'Tis both ; for I am angry with myfelf when 
I am pleafed with you — And a Pox upon me for 
loving thee fo well 1 — ^yet I muft on — 'Tis a bearded 
Arrow, and will more ealily be thruft forward than 
drawn back. 

^'hia. Indeed if I were well alfured you loved ; but 
how can I be well aflured ? 

Heart, Take the Symptoms — andafkall the Tyrants 
of thy Sex, if their P'ools are not known by this Party- 
coloured Livery — I am melancholic, wheu thou 
artabfent: look like an Afs, when thou artprefent; 
wake fol- thee, when I fhould ileep; and even dream 
of thee, when I am awake ; figh much, drink little, eat 
left, court Solitude; am grown very entertaining to my- 
felf, and (as I am informed) very troublefome to every- 
body elfe. If this be not Love, it is Madnefs, and 
then it is pardonable. — Nay yet a more certain Sign than 
all this — ^I give thee my Money* 

* Syh/a» 



6z THE OLD BATCHELdR. 

Sylvia, Ay, but that is no Sign j for they fay, Gen- 
ilcincn wxil girc Money to any naughty Woman to come 
to Bed to them — O Gemini^ 1 hope you don't mean fo 
*— for I won't be a Whore. 

Heart. The more is the Pity ! [^</<r. 

Syhia. Nay, if you wouli marry me, you (hould 
not come to Bed to n.e — you have fuch a Beard, 
and would fo prickle one. But do you intend to marry 



^e 



I 



Heart, That a Fool (hould aik fuch a malicious Qupf- 
tion ! Death, I (hall be drawn in, before 1 know where 
1 am — However, I find I am pretty fure of her Con- 
ienr, if I am put to it. [<<7/ffif.]--^Marry you ? no, no, 
I'll love yon. 

fyhia. Nay, but if you love me, you muft marry 
nie ; what don't I know ^y Father loved my Motlier, 
and was man icd to her ? 

Heart. Ay, ay, in old Da}-8, People married where 
they loved ; but that Fafhion is changed, Child. 

Syhia, Never tell me that, I know it i& not changed 
by myfelf ; for I love you, and would marry you. 

Heart, 1*11 have my feeard fhaved, it fhan't hurt tl^ce, 
and we'll go to Bed— 

Syhia. No, no, I'm not fuch a Fool neithei', but I 
can keep myfelf honeft; — ^Here, I won't keep any 
thing that's yours, I hate you now, [T/jrows the Fur/e] 
and ril never fee you again, 'caufe you'd have me be 
naught. [Gffing. 

' Heart, Damn her, let her go, and a.good riddaQCC-r- 
Yet fo much Tenderncfs and Beauty and Honefty 
together is a Jewe — ^^Stay, *9y/^/<i— But tjien xq 
marry— Why every Man plays the Fool once in his 
Life: But to marry is playing the Fool all on^s Lif^. 
long. / 

Syhia. What did you call me for ^ 

Heart, I'll give thee all I have : And thou (halt live 
with roe in every thing fo like my Wife, the World 
(hall believe it : Nay, thou (halt ibinkfo thy felf— Only- 
let mc not think fo# Syhia* 



THE OLD BATCH.ELOR, 63 

' Syhfia. No, I'll die before 111 be yoqr Whore— as 
well as 1 love you. 

, Heart. A Woman, and ignorant, may be honeft, 
when 'tis out of Obilinacy and Contradidtion— But, 
'fdeath ! it is but a may-be, and upon fcurvy Terms 
[afi(/c] — Well, farewel then — if I can get out of Sight, 
I may get tbe better of myfeUl 

Syhuia, Well— good by> [Turns ^ ancl 'uceeps. 

Heart. Ha ! Nay come, we'll kifs at parting. [KiJJis 
Zrr.] By Heaven, her Kifs is Tweeter than Libeny — I 
will marry thee — there thou hall done't. All my Re- 
folves melted in that Kifs — one more. 

Svh^ia, But when ? 

Heart. Vm impatient till it be done; I will not 
give myfelf Liberty to think, left I (hould cool — I 
will about a Licence llrait — In the Evening expedt 
Hie— One Kifs more to confirm me mad ; fo. [£;r//. 

Sylvia. Ha, ha, an old Fox trapt !— 

S C E N E XI. 
[To her] Lucy. 

Blefs me ! you frighted me, I thought he had been 
come again^ and heard me. 

Luiy. Ix)rd, Madam, I met your Lover in as 
much hafte, as if he had been going for a Midwife. 

Syhia. He's going for a Parfon, Girl, the Fore- 
runner of a Midwife fome Nine Months hence — 
Well, I find didembling to our Sex is as natural as 
fwimming to a Negro \ we may depend upon our Skill 
to fave us at a Plunge, tho' till then we never make the 
Experiment—But how hall thou fUcceeded ? 

JLucy. As you would wifti — fincc there is no re- 
claiming Vmnlove. I have found out a Pique fhe has 
taken at him ; and have framed a Letter that make§ 
her fue for Reconciliation firfi:. I know that will 
do-— walk in, and I'll ihew it you. Come, Madam, 
you*rc like to have a happy Tin^ on't, both vour 
f 3 Love 



64 THKOLD BAFCHELOR. 

Love and Anger fatisfied ! — All that can charm our 

Scjc confpire to pleafe you. 

That M^omanjitn enjoys a hkjfed Nighty 
Jfkom Love and P^en^cance both at once delight* 

END OF THE THIRD ACT. 

ACT IV. SCEN EI. 

SCENE, TheSfrcct. 

Be L L M u R y« Fanatic Habit ^ Setter. 

BeJlm* ' ^ I ' ^ I S pretty near the Hour. [Looku^gon 

X his JVatchI Well and how, Setter^ iia f^ 

does my Hypocrify fit me, ha } does it fit eafy on ?ve ? 

Sett. O moft religioully well, Sir. 

Belim. I wonder why all our young Fellows fliouki 
glory in an Opinion ofAthelfm; wl. en they may be 
fo much more conveniently lewd under the Coverlet 
ot Religion, 

Sett. 'Sbud, Sir, away quickly, there's Tondkv^lfc 
juH turned the Corner, and's coming this way. 

Bellm. Gads fo, there he is, he mull not fee me. 

SCENE II. 
Fondle WIFE, Barna^y. 

Fond, I fay, I will tarry at Home. 

Bam, But, Sir., 

Fond. Good lack ! I profefs the Spirit of Ck)ntrar 
di6tion hath pofl'eli the Lad— I fay I will tarry at 
home— /^ri5?/i 

Barn. 1 have done, Sir, then ferewell 500 Pounds! 

c Fond,.. 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. 65 

i^5«^. Ha, hovv*s that? Stay, ftay; did you leave 
Word^ fay you, with his Wife r with Cornfort herfeFf ? 

Barn. I did ; and Comfhrt will fend Tribulation hi- 
ther as fbon as ever he comes home-^I could have 
brought young Mr. Prig^ to have kept my Miftrefi 
Company in the mean time : But you fay — 

Fond. How, how, fay, Varkt! I fay, let him not 
come near my Doors, I fay, he is a wanton young 
L^evite^ and pampereth himfelf up vwth Damties, 
that he may look lovely in the Eyes of Women- 
Si ncerely I am afraid he hath already defiled the Ta- 
bernacle of our Siller Comfhrt \ while her good Huf- 
band is deluded by his godly Appearance — I fay, that 
even Lull doth fparkle in his Eyes, and glow upon his 
Cheeks, and thut I would as foon truft my Wife 
with a Lord's high-fed Chaplain. 

Barn, Sir, the . Hour draws i^igh-— and nothing 
will be done there till you come. 

Fond, And nothing can be done here' till I go^— So 
^hat-ru tarry, d'ye fee. 

Barn. And ruii the Hazard to lofe your Affair, Sirj 
, Fond, Groodlack, good Jack ! — Ipfofefsit is a Ytry 
fufficient Vexation, for a Man to have a handforae 
.Wife. 

Barn, Never, Sir, but when the Man is an in- 
sufficient Hulband. *Tis then indeed like the Vanity 
of taking a fine Houfe, and yet be forced to let 
Lodgings, to help pay the Rent, 

Fond. I profefs, a very apt Comparifon, Varlet. Go 
and bid my Cocky come out to me. I will give her 
ibme Inllrudtions, 1 will rcafon with her before I go, 

SCENE in. 

Fondle WIFE alone. 
And in the mean lime, I will reafori with myfelf— 
Tell mc, Ijaac^ why art thee jealous ? Why art thee 

dillruftful 



46 THE OLD BATCIIELOR. 

diftruftful of the Wife of thy Rofora ? — Becaufe {ire 
is young and vigorous, and I am old and impotent — 
Then why didft thee marry, Ijhacf — Becaufe (he 
was beautiful and tempting, and becaufe I was ob- 
flinate and doating ; fb that my Inclination was (and 
is ftill) greater than my Power — ^And will not that 
which tempted thee, alfb 'tempt others, who will 
tempt her, Ijitac ? — I fear it much — ^But does not thy 
Wife love thee, nay doat upon thee? — Yes — V^hy 
then ! — Av, but to fay truth, fhe's fonder of me, 
than (he nas reafon to be ; and In the way of Trade^ 
we ftill fufpedl the fmoothefl Dealers ot the dcepeft 
Defigns — And that (he has fome Defigns deeper thaa 
thou canft rieach| thou hall experimented, Ijaac^^ 
'Butmum. 

' SCENE IV. 

Lat. I hope my deareft Jewel is not going to leatts 
tne*— areyou, ^kinf 

JF<7»^/. Wife— Have you thoroughly coiifidercd' bow 
^eteftablc, how heinous, and how crying a Sin, tht 
Sin of Adultery is ? have you weighed it, I fay f Fot 
It is a very weighty Sin ; and although it may lie 
Ireavy upon thee, yet thy Hufband muft alfo bear his 
Part : ror thy Iniquity will fall upon his Head* 

Lat. Blefs me, whttt means my Dear ? 
' Fond, I profefs (he has an alluring Eye ; I am doubt- 
ful, whether I (hall tiaift her, even with Triiulaii6n 
iiimfelf! [J/rfe,} — ^Speak, I fay, havc.}'ou confidered, 
what it is to cuckold your Hulband ? 

Ltet, I'm amazed : Sure he has difcovered nothing I 
[Afiite.} — Who has wronged me to my Deareft ? I 
hope my Jewel does not think, that ever I had -any 
fuch thing in my Head, or ever will have. 

Fond. ^Oy Tio^l tell you I (l?all have it in my 
Head— 

LaL 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. 67 

Ltru I know not what to think. But I'm refolved 
to find the Meaning of it. [Afide,"] — Unkind Dear! 
Was it for this you fent to call me? is it not Afflic- 
tion enough that j^ou are to leave me, but you muft 
fludy to increafe it by unjuil Sufpicions ? [Crying,'] 
Well— Well— you know my Fbndnels, and you love 
to tyrannize— ^o on, cniel Man, do, triumph over 
my poor Heart, while it holds ; which cannot be 
long, with this Ufage of yours — ^But that's what you 
want — ^^^^ell, you will have your Ends foon— You vnW 
— You will — Yes, it wiUl)reak, to oblige you. [Sighs. 

Fond, Verily, I fiear I have carried the Jeft too far-^*- 
Nay, look you now if (he does not weep— 'ti« the 
fondeft F^ol — Nay, Cotky, Cocky, nay, dear Cocky, 

• don't cry, f was but in Jeft, I was not, ifeck. 

Lat, Oh then all's fafe, I was terribly frightjed ! 

• [y^i^.]— >My Affli(fUoa is always your Jefi:, barbarous 
:Man! Ohthirt I ihouldjovcte this Decree! yet^^- 

Fond, Nay, Cocky. 

Z^/. No, no, you are weary, of me, that's it— » 
that's all, you would get another. Wife— gnother fond 
Fool, to break her Heart— well, be as cruel as you can 
to me, I'll pray for you ;• and when I am dead with 
Grief, may you have one that will love you as well 
as I have done ! I ihalll>e contented to lay at Peace in ' 
my cold Grave — fince it will pleafe you. [Sighs* 

Fond. Gobd lack, good lack ! fhe would melt a 
Heart of Oak — I profefs I can hold no longer — ^Nay, 
dear Cocky — Ifeck you'll break my Heart— Ifeck j^ou 
will — See you have made me weep— made poor 
Ifykin weep — Nay come kifs, bufs poor Nykin — and 
I won't leave thee — I'll lofe all firfl. 

Z*^/. How! Heaven forbid! that will be carrying 
the Jeft too far indeed. fJ f^ JMtn 

Fond. Won't yOu kifs Nykin t 

Lat, Go, naughty J^^/«, you don't love me. 

Fond. Kifs, kils, ifeck I do. 

Lat. No you don't. [She kijfes him. 

Fond. 



68 TKE OLD BATCHELOR. 

Fond. What not love Cocky ! 

Zd?/. No— h. [<%^^- 

Fond. I profefs, I do love thee better than 500 
Pounds — ^and io thou (halt fay, for Pll leave it to Hay 
with thee. 

Lau No you (han't negled^ your Bufinefs for me — 
No indeed you (han't, i!ykln — If you don't go, TU 
think you been jealous of me ftill. 

FoiuL He, he, he ! wilt thou, poor Fool ? Then I 
will go, I won't be jealous — Poor Cocky, kifs 'Nykin^ 
kifs ifykin^ ee, cc, ee ! — Here will be the good Man 
anon, to talk to Cocky, and teach her how a Wife 
ought to behave herfelf. 

Lat, I hope to have one that will (hew me how a 
Hulband ought to behave himfelf [JjUe.] — ^I (hall be 
glad to learn, to pleafe my Jewel. [^/^* 

Fond. That's my good Dear — Come ki(« 2(^ktn once 
more, and then get you in«--So*--Cet you in, get 
you in. By by. ^ 

Loft. By, I^yktn. 

Fond. By, Cocky. 

L^t.Bvy Nyiln. 

Fond, By^ Cocky, by, by. 

SCENE y. 

Vainlove, Sharper. 

S/jorff, How ! Araminta loft ! 

Fainh To confirm what I have faid, read this— 

[Gives a Letter. 

Sharper^ Reads] Hum^ hum — And what tJjen ap- 
peared a Faulty upon RffiBion fcerns only an EffeSi of a 
too powerful Paffton. Pm exfraid I give too great a Proof 
of my o-vjn at this Time — lam in Difordcrfir ^^hat I have 
i\)ritten. But fomething^ I knorjo not rjjhat^ Jhrced me. 
I only beg a favourable Ctnfure of thisy and your 

Afamlnta. 

^barp.. 



THE OLD BATCHELOR. 69. 

Sharp, Loft 1 Pray Heaven thou haft not loft thy 
Wits. Here, here, (he's thy own, Man, figned an4 
fcaled too — To her, Man — a delicious Melon, pure 
and confenting ripe, and only waits thy cuttingtip— 
She has been breeding Love to thee all this while, and 
juft now (he's delivered of it. 

yaittl *Tis an untimely Fruit, and flic has mifcar- 
ried of her Love. 

Sharp. Never leave this damned, ill-natured Whim- 
fey, Frank f Thou haft a fickly peerdfh Appetite ; only 
chew Love, and cannot digeft it. 

FainL Yes, when I feed myfelf— But I hate to be 
crammed — By Heaven, there's not a Woman will give 
a Man the Pleafure of a Chace : My Sport is always 
balkt or cut fliort — I ftumble over the Game I would 
purfiie-rTis dull and unnatural to have a Hare run 
full in the. Hound's Mouth; and would diftafte the 
keencft Hunter — I would have overtaken, not have 
met my Game, 

Sharp. However, I hope you don't mean to forfake 
it ; that will be but a kind of a Mungril Cur*s Trick. 
Well, are you for the Mall ? 

F^ainh No, fhe will be there this Evening— Yes, I 
will go too — and (he ftall fee her Error in— - 

Sharp., In her Choice egad — But thou canft not be 
fo great a Brute as to flight her. 

Fainh I fiiould difapppint her if I did not — By her 
•Management I fhould think (he experts it. 
All naturally Jly ijohat does purj'ue : 
^Tisjit Menjbauld be coy^ when Women *vco€. 

SCENE VL 

A Room in Fondlewife's Houfe. 

-^Servant introducing Bellmour in Fanatic Hahit^ 
with a Patch upon one Eye^ and a Book in his Hand^ 
Ser, Here's a Chair, Sir, if you pleafe to repo(c 

yourfclt My Miftrefe is coming, Siiv 

B<Um. 



70 THE OLD BATCHELOR. 

BfUm, Secure in my Difguife, I have out-faced Suf- 
picion, and even dared Difco very— This Cloak my 
Sanctity, and trufty Scarror^s Novels my Prayer- 
book — Methmks I am the very Pidure oi Montufar 
ia the ^^j^«cr/V«— Oh ! (he comes. 

SCENE VIL 

££LLM0UR, LiETITIA. 

^9 hrtdki Aurora through the Fell rf Nighty 
Thus fly the Clouds^ divided b^ her Lights 
And ev^ry Eye reccinfes a Uffw^baru ISighi^ 

[ Throwing off his Ckaky Patchy Sec. 

Lat. Thus ^rew*d with Biti/hes, liie — ^Ah! Heaven 
defend me! Who's this? [Difcowring bimyjarts. 

BeUm, Your Lover. 

Latm Fainlov^s Friend! I know his Face, and kc 
hgs betrayed mq to him. \^AJide, 

BeUm. YoiiVe furprized. Did you not e3^c£t:a Lover, 
Madam ? thofe Eyes ihone kindly on my lirft Appear- 
aqce, tho* now they are. o'eivcall. 

Lat. I may well be furprized at your Perfon and 
Impud^euce ; they are both new to me— You are not 
what your iiril Appearance promifed : The Piety of 
your Habit was welcome, but not the Hypocrify, 

Bellm. Rather the Hypycrify was welcome, but not 
the Hypocrite. 

Lat, Who arc you. Sir ? You have miftakcn the 
Houfe fure. 

5^i7/». , I have Directions in my Pocket, which agree 
with every thihg but your Unkindnefs. 

\Pulh out the Letter* 

Lat, My Letter ! Bafe Fainlovet Then 'tis too late 
to diflemble; \AJide.'\ — ^Tis plain then you have mif- 
taken the Perfon. [Going. 

BeUnu If we part {ty^ Pm miftiken — Kfold, hold, 
Madam — I confels I have run into an Error-— I beg 
your Pardon a.thoufand: times— What an eternal 

Blockhead 



THE OLD BATCKELOR. 71 

Blockhead am I ! Can you forgive me the Diforder I 
hdve p Jt you into? — But /t 13 a Millake which any body 
might have made. 

Lteu What can this mean ! Tis impoffible ht 
fhould be miftaken after all this— A handfome Fellow, 
if he had not furprizedme: Mcthinks, now I look on 
him again, I would not have him miftaken. \^AJide^ 
We are all liable to Miilakes, Sir : If you own it to be 
lb, there needs no farther Apolog}\ 

Bellm. Nay Faith, Madam, *tis a pleafant one ; and 
worth your hearing. Expeding a Friend, laft Night, 
at his Lodgings, till 'twas late ; my Intimacy with 
him gave me the Freedom of his Bed : He not coming 
home all Night, a Letter was delivered to me by a 
Servant, in the Morning: Upon the Perufal, I found 
the Contents fo charming, that I could think of 
nothing all Day, but putting them in Pra6Hce — till juft 
nbw (the firft Time I ever looked upon the Superfcrip- 
tion) I ^jtn the moft furprized in the World to find it 
dire«5ted to Mr. Fainlove, Gad, Madam, I alk you a 
Million of Pardons, and will make you any Satif- 
fa(5tion. 

Liet. I am di(covered — And either Vainlonie is. not 
guilty, or he has handfomely excufed him. \Afide^ . 

Bellm. You appear concerned, Madam. 

Lat, I hope you are aGentlemanj — and, finceyou are 
privy ro a weak Woman's Failing, won't turn it to the 
Prejudice of her Reputation. You lo»k as if you had 
more Honour-^ 

.Bellmr. And more Love; or ray Face is a falfe 
Witnefs, and delerves to be pilloried. — No^, by Heaven, 
I fwear — ► 

Lat, Nay, don't fwear, if you'd have me believe 
you ; but promife— 

BeJlm. Well, I promife — A Promife is fo cold—. 

Give me leave to fwear— b)r thofe Eyes ; thofe killing 

Eyes ; by thofe healing Lips.— Oh ! prefs the fott 

Charm clofe to minf, — and feal them up for ever. 

' - ' ' Lau 



li THE OLt) BATCHELOR. 

jC<^//Up6n that Condition. . ; . / '\Iiis ii/Jes/jen 
Bellm. Eternity, was in that Moment — One morCi 
upop f^y Condition. 

LatJ Nay now — ^I never faw any. thing fo agree^ 
abl;^^fnp\jd^t>,[.<^^.].-^V^on!t you cqnfare ipe for 
this, now ?— but 'tis to h\xy yopr Siiencew {AT^^.J Qh^ 
biU^ jyhafr aiB I dojng! ^ v J 

^^to^ , Doing I No Tongue' can exgrefs it; — ^^i^ot thy 
Qwn\ nor any thing, but thy Lips. Iain faint with 
Excels of Blifs : , Oh, for iove-fake, Icsad me any 
whither, where I may lye ^Qwn.; — qui^kjy,^ ftu^Vm 
afraid I fhall have a Fit. 
Z^/. Bl^fsj^ne.! WhatEit? , . ,, . ^ ,\ ' 
pdlm. Ohy aConyulfion— J feel the Symptom?,,^ v 
,^ft. boes it hpld you. long T Vjsx afraid tq fa^y you.^^ 
into^ijjy Cliamber, , j , / • 

%llm^ Oh, no, let me lay down upon iheficdi-r— 
the Fit will be fpon over. j . ., - 

;' g C EN E Vm. 'Bu James's Park, ' ' 
A R A M I w T A and Bel i n b a meeting. 

Belin. Lard, my Dear: I am glad 1 haVc met y6\i— ' 
1 have been at the Exchaiige fince, and am fo tire^i— • 

Aram. Why, what's the Mittter ? . ' 

Bdin, 0\i the moft inhuman^, barbarous Hacknev- 
Coach ! I am jolted to a Jelly— Am I not horricfly 
touzed? \PuHs out a Pocket-glafs. 

Aram, Your Head's a little out of order. 

Bclin. A little! O frightful! What a furious Phyz I 
have ! O moft rueful ! Ha, ha, ha ! O Gad, I hope no- 
body will come this Way, till I have put myfelf a 
little in Repair— Ah! my Dear— I have feen fuch un- 
hewn Creatures fince— Ha, ha, ha ! I can't for my 
Soul hel^, thinking that I look juft like one of them — 
Good De^r, pin this, and I'll tell you— Very well- 
So, thank you, my Dear— But as I was telling you— 
Pifh, this is the moft untowardft Lock-^So, as I was 

telling 



I 



THE OLD BATCHELO*.; 73 

te!Ilng yoa-^How d^ye like me now? Utdoout, lui? 
'Frightful iVitt? Or how? 

j^am. No, no; you're very weO as can be, 
BeitH. And fo— Bat where aid I leave off, my tktttf 
1 was telling you-^ 

jiram. You were about to tell me roraiething^ Child--* 
but you left off before you be^^ik. 

Belift. Oh; a moft comical Sight: A Countiy 
Squire, with the Equipage of a Wife and two Daugh* 
ters, came to Mrs. Stuf^lTs Shop while I wasdbci^— • 
But, oh Gad I Two fuch unHcked Cubs ! 

Aram. I warrant, plump, cherry-cheeked Coundy 
'Girls. 

BeUn. Ay, on my Confi:ience, fat as Bam-^door 
«Fowl : But fo bedecked, you would have takeii them finr 
Friezland Hens, with their feathers growing tht 
wrong Way — O fuch outlandiih Creatures ! Such Trm* 
montanay and -Foreigners to the Faihion^ or any thing 
in Practice! I had not Patience to behold*-! under* 
took the modeling of one ef their Fronts^ the mort 
modern Stru£kure— 

Aram, Blefs 'me, Coufin : why would you affront 
any body fo ? They mi^ be Gentlewomea of a very 
tgood Family. 

Belin. Of a very ancient one, I dare fwcar, by 
their Drefs^— Affront ! Pfliaw, how you're miffakeni 
The poor Creature, I warrant, was as full of Curt^^es^ 
as if I had been her Godmother: The Truth on't is, 
I did endeavour to make her look like a Chriilian--* 
and (he was fenlible of it ; for (he thanked me, and 

five me two Apples, piping hot, out of her Under* 
etticoat Pockef— Ha, ha, ha ! And toother did fo fl»te 
and gape— I fancied her like the Front of herFather^t 
Hall; her Eyes were the two Jut Windows, and hec 
Mouth the great Door, moft hofpitably kept open, for 
the Entertainment of traveling Files* 

Aram. So then ; you have been diverted. What did 
they buy ? 

Vol. h D SeUn, 



76 THE OLD BATCH ELt)R. ' 

Mdk, that a Cowar4 has while the Sword is w 
the Scabbard — So were forced to draw in our ofwn 
DeFencc. 

Bbtfe. My Blood rifes at thatJFellow: Lcan'lftajr 
where he is ; and I nud notdiav in the. Park. 

Sir J, Witt, I'Wifli l^urfl ibiy to let her know my 
Xodj^i 

a c i; N E xj. 

ARXMXNTAf BeltInjda, Vainlove, Sharfer^ 



a 



Sbarperm Thcte is in true Beauty, as in Courage, 
^^omewhat wluch narrow Soul» cannot dare to admire^* 
AndjTee,. the Owls a^fled, as at the Break of Day, 
, Belin. Very coartly I — tl believe, Mi^ Frnniovkhva ^ 

imet rubbed his Eyes fince Break of Bay jaeither^ he 
looks as if he durft not approach— Nay, come, Couiin, J 

be Prienda with him-— U fwear he -looks fo very 
limply, ha, ha, ha !~Well, a Lover, in the State of Se- 
|3«ratidm from his Miflfef^, is like a Bdidy without a 
Souli "Mx.^FainhvejUtaXil be bound for your good 
JB«haviowr for the future? 

f^md* Now muft I pretend Ignorance equal to hen, 
of what (he knows as well as I. [Afiikn'}--Mtn are ^pt to 
offend {Mfi ^ty^t) where they ;find mo^ Goodnels to 
'fergive"— Bat» Madam, I hope I (hall ^rove of a 
Temper, not to abule Mercy, by 4committing^ tiew 
dOffenees. - 

Jratn. So.cold! [Afik. 

Btlin. I h»re broke thelce for yon, Mr. PTau^owjArd 
£> I leave you. Corae, Mr. Sharper j yoaand I will take 
iaTum, undiaugh at theVulgar— -both the^reat Vulgar 
^ the fmall— tOh Gad! 1 have a gfeat Paffion for 
^C^a;/^^^Doli't you admire him ? 

Sbarpet. Oh', Madam ! -He was our EnMb Hdrace* 
"^ Belin. Ah fo -fine ! fo extremely fine ! fo every thing 
In the World that I ltki&— Oh Lord ! waHtthis Way— 
IfccaCouplc, ni giy.e you their Hiftory, 

SCENE 



.THE Otn BATCttELOR. 77 

SCENE XIL 

Aramijita, Vaihlove, 

Fainl. I find. Madam, the Formality of the Xjxv^ 
Niuft be obferved, Ao' the Penalty of it be difpenfed 
with ; and an OtFender muft plead to hiB Arraignmenr, 
though he has hie Pardon in his Pocket. 

Aram. Tm amazed! This Infolencc exceeds t'other;— 
whoever has encouraged you to this AMurance — pre* 
fuming upon the Eafinefs of my Temper, has much 
deceived you, and fo you Ih all find. . 

Fainl^ Hey-day!- Which Way now? Here's fine 
doobHng!' ^ [^^^^^ 

Aram. Bafc Man ! Was it not enough to affront uie 
trith your fawcy Paffion ? 

Fainl. You have girea that Paffion a much kinder 
£p|thet than fawcy, in another Place. 

Aram. Another Place ! Some viilamous Dfcfign to 
blafl my Honour— But, tho* thou hsklft all theTrea-^ 
chery and Malice of tW Sex, tho\^ ca^ft xiot lay a 
Blemifh on m^ Fame— ^No, I have not erred in. one 
^vourable Thought of MankkidrHHow Time mi^ht 
have deceived me in you, I know not; my QpkHon 
wat but young, and your early Bafenef$ ha$ pr^vciated 
its i^owmg to a wrong Belief— Unworthy, and un« 
.grateful ! Be ^one, and never fee me more. 

sVainl. Did I dream? or do I dream? Shall I be- 

lieve my Eyes, or Ears ? The Viiiop ia here lUU— 

Your Paffion, Madam, will admit of farther Reafon- 

:ing — But here's a filent Witnefs of your Acquaint* 

gnce. 

\Takei wt the Letter ^ oftdofftn it. She /notches it^ and 
^ thro-vjs it awi^. 

Aram. There's Poifon in every thing you teuch— ^ 
Blifters will follow— 

F(Ufd. That Tongue, which denies what theHandf 
have done— 

D 3 Arum. 



78 TM^E, OLD^BATCH^LOR. 

utram. Still myftipajly ienfelefs, and impudent !— 1^ 
find I mull l^ve the Place* , ' : , 

^rt/;/f. No,* Madam, Tm goric-^She knows her 
Name's to it, which (he will be univiUmg to expofe to 
the Cenfure of the firH Finder, 

Aram* Woman's Cbilinacy made me blind to: what 
WonianVCuriofity noiv tempts mc to fee. 

iTakes'Hftht Lett€r.- 

S C EN E XIU. 

Beunpa, Shahpeoi. 

BeUftn. Nay, we have fpared no body, I fwear* 
Mr. Sharper^ youVe a pure Man ; where did you get 
this excellent Talent of Railing ? 

Sharper. Flith, Madam, the Talent was 4x>rn witb 
me i — I contefs, I have taken Care ta iinprote it; tor 
qualify rae.for. the Society of Ladies* * ^ -^ - • ^ 

Si lin^ 'theft ^re,RaiHng Is the bell Qualification in 
a Woman's Man. 

/ s c EN E, xiy. 

[7^ r^;w] Footman. 
Sharper. :The ftcand bdl-^indeed I think, 
Belin,. How now, Tace? where's my Coufin? 
'- Ffiof. She's not very well. Madam, and has fent ta 
know if yo(n-,Ladyihip would have the Coach come 
again for youf ' A 

^^/r«, O Lord, no, PU go along- witJihei-. Come, 
Mr. Shatper* 

SCENE XV. 

Jl Qjamber in F^ndl£wife's Houje. 
LiETITIA and 'BthhlAOVfi^ his Cloak^ Hatj lUc. 

V iymg loofe about the Chamhef. _ 

. Bet(jh. Hexe'siiobody,^ornQNoif€—»'t:\ya$ nothing 
but your Fears. 



TffE OLD BATCHELOR. 79 

/Lai, I durll have fvvorn, I had heard my Mon- 
fier*s Voice — I fwear, I was heartily frightened — Feel 
Kow my Heart beats. . 

Bellm. 'Tis an Alarm to Love— Come in again, and 
let us — 

Fandlewtfe tvtthouu Cocky, Cocky, where are yoq 
Cocky ? I'm come home. 

Lat. Ah 1 There he k. Make hafte, gather up your 
Things. 

Fond. Cocky, Cockjr^ open the Door. 

BeUm. Pox choak him ! would his Horns were in his 
^Throat! My Patch, my Patch. .. 

[Looking a^utj and gathering up his Things* 

Lat, My Jewel, art thou tliere ? No matter for your 
Patch! — You s'an't tum in, Nykin — Run into my 
Chamber, quickly, quickly. You sWt turn in. 

Fond. Nay, pr'ythee. Dear, iYeck I'm in hafleit .:; 

L^t^ ,Then 111 let you i|i. [O/fetiftheD^r, 



SCENE XVL 

LiETITlA, FONDLEWIFE, ^/r JoSBPrf WiTTOL. 

Fond. Kifs, Dear — I met the Mafter of the Ship by 
the Way — And I muft have my Papers of Accoih^>t$ 
out of your Cabinet. , \:<>. 

, Lau Oh, I'm undone ! . \^4J^^f* 

Sir J. Witt. Pray, firft let me have 50 Pounds, goad 
Alderman, for I'm in hade. * i; 

Fond. A hundred has already been paid, by yi)iir 
Order. Fifty ? I have the Sum ready in Gold, in aiy 
Glofet. 

S C E N E XVII. 

L^F.TITIA, jftV JoSEPIf WittOL. , 

Sir ^,Witt, Egad, it's a curious, fine, pretty Rogue; 
I'll fpeak to her,— Pray, Madam, what News d'ye 
hear ? 

D 4 Lat. 



»o XpE pXD^BATCHELOlU 

Lat. ,Sir, I feldpm ftir abroad, 
'^ ■[ ■' * [If'alk^ c^out in DiforiUr. 

fHr J. Witt. I wonder at that, Madam, for 'tii moft 
curious fine Weather, 

Litt. Methinks it has been very ill Weather. 

Siry. IVitt. As you fay, Madarn, 'tis pretty bad 
Weather, and has been fo a great while. 

S C E N E XVIII. 
[To thept] l^oiil>J.tw\V^. 

Fond, Here are fifty Pieces in this Purfe, Sir^^^-sf 
If you will tarry a Moment, till I fetch my Papers, 
W wait upon you down Stairs. 

Ldtt, Ruiiied, paft Redemption! What (hall I do^ 
Ha! this Fool may be of ufe. (Jfide,) — [As Fondlewifc 
is going into the Chamber^ Jbe runs to Sir Jofeph, almo/l 
fi^eshim iionm^ and tYii^s Ottt,] Stand off, tudc Ruffian ! 
SMp me, my Dear — O blcfs mef Why will you leave 
juc alone with fiich a Satyr ? 

Fond. Bleft us! What^s the Matt<,r? What's the 
Af^itter? 

Lset* Your Back was no fooner turned ; but, like a 
tiion, he came open-mouthed upon me, and would 
kave ravifhed a Kifs from me by main Force. 

Sir 7. Witf. O Lord! Ob terrible ! Ha, ha, ha ! il 
your Wife mad, Alderman? 

Litt. Oh ! I^m fick with the Fright • won*t you take 
him out out of my Sight ? 

Pond. Oh Traitor! I'm attoniflied. Oh Woody,- 
fcinded Traitor ! 

Sir 7. ffltt. Hey-day! Traitor yourfelf!— By the 
Lord ndrry^ I was in moft Danger of bei^g ravifhed^ 
if you go to that. 

Fond, dh, how the bldfphempua Wretch fwears! 
Out of my Houfe, thou Son of the Whore of Baby-ion; 
Off-fpring of BellsLod the i)r<^iw /—Blcfs us! Ravifh 



\ 



t^^E 6lD BATcAEtbKJ it 
ipy^tfc! my Dinabi Oh Sheciemite! Be gpne^ 

Sir 7. »7//. Why, the Dcvil'a in the Pepple, I 
think. . ,- ,' 

''' ^''- ' • S C EN E',XIX.;i ' ..:.'!■" 

L-fiTITIA, Fo^DLBWIfE* 

Z^/. Oh ! won*t you folloWi and fee him out pf 
Doors, myJOear? . 

iiW. Ul (hut this Poor» fo fecv^te bkn from cop[ung 
backf-Giye mc the Key of your C^l^net, Cocky**^ 
Ravifh my Wife before my Face I I. warjr^nt he's a - 
Fapiil in his Heart, at loaft, if not a FriMchman* 

Is^, What pan 1 4® no\fr \ [-^^5fc]Tr-0h ^' my Defir. 
g( b^ye been ki.fi^c^ a Fright, tjiat I foi:gpt to tqU.you, 
]M^v^^.JSil^if^ hat a fai Fit of jji© CoJic.and'.if 
forced to Wetoowxi upon our JBed-sr^YoylldiftMrb hutki 
I can tread fofdier. ..' 

v^Rw^/ri Alack, poor Man !— no, no-^you dpn> fenow 
the t'apers — ^I won't diilutb him ; give mc the K«y. 

IJShe gives him the Key, goes Uh the ChamifiK P^or^'flnd 
]■' ffeaks alotuf* , ;.J\ 

Uat. 'Tis nobody but Mr, FfnMdmfif Mr. ^i^fexi^ 
}ye flill qn your Stt)mach f lying, ^n yqur jBtoyo^h 
will eafe you of the Colic* ; . , ov 

.. Fafid. Ay p. i^y, lye ilill, lye ftifl; don*t UtAme 
diduib you* , . ' 

, ,v SCEN E XX. 

Laf. Sure, when he does not lee his Face, he wonU 
^fcover him ! Dear Fortune, "help mt but this once, 
and I'll never r^m into thy Debt agjaiia — But thi§ Op- - 
portimity is the Devil. , ' 

D s SCENE 



8j TilE'6LD"BrATdHEi;ORr t 

« ■ f-j -111 A i-,:,r^y'r . ■■ '. . , ,;'>_ ,.,r 

jSy.^Goodhkicfc! good hide J.-4tproftf8, the -poor 
Man is in great Torment, he lycsasiflat— Dear, yoa. 
fhpuld heat a Trencher, or a Napkin-^Where's 
J&^V'»^^' L^f l^^rc*^ fetnc ifeahn Thing to his Bto- 
mach^'br chafe it With afS^arm Hand, rather than feiU 
What Book's this? -« 

'^ ' • [Sees the ^4fdk that 'B^mowcfirgoh 

•Liff. Mr. Stlttiexfs Praye^-boofc, Dear.— ^Hray 
Htaveii it be a Praji^-tjiooki ' ^ [j^i^» 

,Fond, Good Man ! I war rrtnt' he dropf)ed it on jnHw 
pofe thai ybtt tnight *!ike Jrup, and readibme of the 
pious Ejaculations ! [T^ing^i^ the B0ok*'] O blefi mel^ 
O monftrous.! A Pfaye i«bdok? A}^^ this is the ]>eijrs 
Fater'WJt&. Held, let tnk fee-; ^he^SknocentAdube^ 

Lat. Misfortune ! now all's ruined again. [Afide'* ^ 

Belhiour teefing. DfftnftM ^Chahce ! If I had gdne a 
WhdHng With the FraStice ef Piet^ in riiy Po6ke^ H^ 
had hever been' difcovcrod. i :* . 

Fond. Adultery, and innocentl O Lord!.Her^« 
Dbarlne 1' Ay, here's pabiplin^r . ^ 

Lat. bear H^iffi^M, 'rm^mazed :--*8uie it w «- 
good Book, and only tends to the Speculation of Sih^r 
^ Fond, ' Sipfeculitibtt ! Ni, no ; fomething went 
farther than 'S|>ex:ulatidn when I was xiot to be let m-^' 
Where is this Apocryphal Elder ! I'll ferret him; 

Lat. Tm fo dlftraded, I can't think of a Lie. 

[:4fide. 

s c E N E xxir. 

L-«TiTiA, andYowoi^^yfiYE. biding oia^K'Lhuo'vsi. • 
Fond. Come out here, thou i/»<j*fVij incarnate ^Who> * 

liow now ! Who-bavc we here ? 
Z^/. Ha ! , iSbrids^ as/ur^Tsei. 

Fmd. 



T HE OLD AATGHELpOIt, 83: 

'Fond. Oh, thou lyacious Woman ! Am I then bruti« 
4ed ? Ay, I feel it here ; I fprgut, I bud, I bloffom, 
I am ripe-horn-mad. But who in t^e Devil's Name 
are you ? Meity on nie for {wearing ! Bultr--^ 

Lat. Oh, Ooodnefs .keep us I Who's thbP.WJio 
are you ? What are you?- : * 

BcUm. Soh. 
• Lot. In the Name of^he— O ! Good, mjr Dear, donV 
<eome near it, I'm afraid 'tis the Devil; indeed it has 
Hoofs, Dear. 

Fond. Indeed, and I have Homs^ Dear. The Devil ! 
no, I am afraid, 'tis the Fk(h, thou Harlot.* Dear» 
with the Pox. Come, Syren^ fpeak, confefs, who it 
this reverend, brawny Paftor? 

LaU Indeed, and indeed now, my dear Ifykitt-^ 
jaever faw this wicked Man before. 

Fond, Oh, it is a Man then, it feems. 

id?/. Rather, ' fure, it \i a Wolf in the Cloathing of 
aShedp. 

Fond, Thou art a Devil, in his proper Cloathing, 
Woman's Fleih. What, you know nothing of him^ 
but his Fleece here !-7-You don't love Mutton ?-ryou 
Magdalen unconverted ! 

Btllm. Well, now, I know my Cue— That is, ^^^^ 
honourably toexcufeher, and very impudently accnle 
royfelf. [y^<?. 

. Lat, Why then, I wi(h I may never enter into the* 
Heaven of your Embraces again, my Dear, if ever J 
faw his Face before. 

Fond, O Lord ! O firange ! I am in Admiration of 
your Impudence. Look at him a little better ; he is • 
nibre modeft, I warrant you, than to deny it. Come, 
were you two neveir Face to Face before ? Speak. 

BeJlm, Since all Artifice is vain— and 4 think my- 
felf obliged to fpeak the Truth, in Juftice tqyour Wife 
-—No. 

Fond, Humph, ^ ' ; ' 

D6 Lit. 



8^ .jr«J 0L» JATOH>£tOfti 

, :^{^, ^Pf ipd^ Pear, < &, t >q 

FoMiii ^s^y I 0^4 you are botb i|i ^ Sfipiy ; tliat t 
l^uft cqa:^^^. fti^iV^bafrpf^liot td be cu^ed o£vthe 
Colic? QoftVfpu know, your Katio^fi >Ml:8L f^kt 
Q^ly^ Q()oi^ypurSeGiQa«h4 lying upOA ydUT Scoofach 
will cure you of ihe Colict )Ahl AoiWar i^e, yd» 
xdfieif,, - '• •■ -: ..:i f" ,-.!■) -.V. 

G Xar^ LeC4^^j(4dkr4^VIanaA^^ 
^^ 0|ink that I have ngd^\^g tQ dp b^tCtciift^h^P^Ltf 
IS enougl^ if I can clear my own Innoce^KVfo my own 

, mm.^^f my ttvj^, fui^fi) icV^I hajiTe b^m a Ucd^ 
%;)o backw^ that ij» t)^e Truth en it* ^ / 

^ Jlr/y^iComey 3ir, wboase you^ ki dici.&^ Fbe^} 
4iul wh^t areyoi^ , v .h 

, ^^i6«. A Whore-mafter* ^ » . f - ^k 

, JFl^xi^ Very cofifci^ ' , ;:^ 

: Zjf I, Q bca%, in^ .' 

Fond* Well J S5r, and what came you hither fef ? 

^W. Good again i— tA very ciyU^Perfotl this,, .and X 
l>dicye fpeaks Truth. 

LJtt^ Oh, infupportable Impudence ! 

i^fl«</. Well, Sir-— Pray bcGovered-^^ndyouiav^r- 
Bebl Youh^vefiniihedtbeMattier, heh? Andl ara^ 
as 1 fliould be, a fort of a civil Percjuifite to a Whore*^ 
maf^er, called a CuckM^ heh ? Is k not fo ? Comei 
Tin inclining to heUeye evfjry Word you fay. 

Belhn^ Why, Faith, I mufl contefs, fo I defigned 
]fEQ^-r— But, you were a litde unlucky in coming lb femi 
a^ hindered the makiug of your own Foi?tune« 

^id^ Humph. Nay, if you minccj the Matter onocj 
and go back or your Wordj. you are not the Peribn I 
tOQk you for* Come, coincf, go oh boldly?*^What ! 
donV oe afhamedof your Profeffioft.-'— Gonfe^ confeis i 
I (ball love tfiee the better fpr't— -I (hall, Pfeck— What I 
doit think I don't know how to behave myfi^f in t^d 
E^j^oyment of a Cuckoldj an4 bave been three Years 

Ap* 



tHJL-OUD B:ATC»EL01L «f 

Apprentice to Matrtiiiony#» j-Cebiei^ cortie^ Pbin- 
ld«*ngi9«fewjek il; » '■ rz n/ i.^..* i -'-'''^ •v-> 
il^JSWfofc Wellf Aftcci-fe^ithott «rt a j(odd hoiWft' 
IfeU0il», IHltrcofeit the whole Bdittet t0 thee. 

% witli an tiaaeiierMaQ^s Wi^ln ^ur Li^: 

Z.^/. How my Heart aches ! All mv Comfbit Iie§ 
4n his topudeiuiep «od$ HtMsk^fmMii 'he has a 
fionfidadWePAttiOiu^ r,< ..-> ' C-«^r^ 

1 i^^/jk. la ihcrt,: thciv I wa» irifofmed of Ae Op- 
portunfcqr of your Abfence by my Spy (for, faith, ho* 
licfti.$imv I^ha/ie«kwgTiftt^cMgh6a theethis ta« 
▼our) ; I knew J^intext was to come by your DiriBc- 
tiiiii*-4Biit I liU a Tra|» for ^iibr/and ph)Ciiroi his 
Hahit; in which I pafledupon yoUr S^r^hts, and 
HWB conduded hither. I prcteiided a Fit of th)e Co- 
Ug» to exctde my lying down upeii^dor B^ ; hoping 
that, when fte hearer of k,^ her Geod^ndture would 
brb^ her to admidEiter fteroedies 4tir my Di'^mt>ei^ 
You know what might have &Mowed*^But, like an 
isuici^il iFerftm, yo« knocked <ic the Door before your 
Wiie was come to me. 

Ftf/td. Ha! This is apocrypha); I may chufe whe*^ 
ther 1 wiU believe it or no. 

MeSm. That you loay, faith I and I h<^ you won't 
betieve a Word on*t— But I canN: help tellii^ rW 
l^iuh for my La^ 

Fofui, How i would not you hm me beliete yoiif 
hyyovit 

Aibft. No; for then yon mufl: of confequence part 
with your Wife, and there will be fome Hopes of har- 
ing her upon thb Pvfalick ; then the Encouragement of 
a £parate Mabtenance^^ 

JW. No, no; for that BKfette^*^>*4vhen ihe and I 
part, fteUlrcaixy her ^pacate Maintenance about her. 

JUtft Ah, cruel Dear ! how can you be £» bar* 
baroua? ¥oa!llbreiik urfrHcwrti if you talk of part- 
us > [Cnes. 



M TH^E Dl-D BATCHELQ.R. 

. FofU. Ahy diflcmbGng ¥enni^tt I 

Bei/m. How canll thou be fo cruel^ J/aacf Thou 
haft the Heart of a Mountain^tiger. By the Faith 
of a iincere Sinner, ihe^s innocent, for me. Go to 
him, Madam ; fling your fhowy Arms about his flub- 
born Neck ;' bathe his relentieis Face ia your lalt 
trickling Tears-— 

[she gaes and bangs upon his Necky and kijjes bim% 

Bellmour hijfes her Hand behind FomUewifc's* 

Back. 

So \ a few foft Words and a Kifs, and the |;ood Man 

m^s. See how kind Nature works and boils over in 

himl 

£^/. Indeed ! my Dear, I was but jufi come down 
Stairs, when you knocked at the Door; and the Maid 
told me Mr. Spintext was ill of the Colic upon, our 
Bed. And won't you fpeak to me, cruel Nykin T In- 
deed, I'll die, if you don't. 

Fond, Ah ! no, no; I cannot fpeakj my Heart's fb 
full — I have been a tender Huftand, a tender Yoke- 
fellow ; you know I have — ^But thou haft been a ^ith» 
lefs Daltlah; and the Pi»/7^/«('j— rheh ! Art thou not 
vile and unclean, heh ? Speak I [ Weeping. 

liCL No~h. [Sighing. 

Fond. O that I could believe thee ! 

L^et, Oh! my Heart will break. [Seeming to faint,' 

Fond, Heh ! how ? No ; ftay, ftay ; I will believe 
thee, I will—Pray bend her forward, Sir. 

Lat. Oh ! oh ! Where is my Dear ? 

Fond, Here! h^re! I do believe thee. I won't 
believe my own Eyes. 

Bellm, For my rart, I am (b charmed with the Love 
of your Turtle to you, that i'U go and folicit Matri- 
mony with all my Might and Main. 

Fond, Well, well. Sir, as long as I believe it, 'tis 
well enough. No Thanks to you, Sir, for her Vir- 
tue — ButTll Ihew you the Way out of myHoufe, if ' 

you 



T:HE. OHD^ BATCHRLOR. ^ 87 

you plcafe — Come, my Defth Niay, I will believe 
thccplda/^fecbi • ^ -■'' - ^ 

Bdl. See thegreatBkffingof anca^Faith! OpI-i 
Bionciittnocerr; 'i < ,-'. '-'r'. -.^it .i---,r'-^ vj t -•; 



rr£$fB Q? THE FOURTH ACi;. 



;A:Ct Itr. SCENE X 

';, /SCJSNE, fbeStreet. ! ' '; 

BEi,LM9i][R,//iJ^«^/VJFf<yi//, Setter, E[EAifTWEi,L, 

.,.' ., ' ; ^ 'XvcY- .:, , • ^ : ^ . ' ';_ , 

P/fli^ CE//^r/ well encountered. 

**^ iS<p//. Joy of your Return, Sir! Ilave you 
made a good Voy^ > or have you brought your ow^ 
Lading back? 

BiUm* i^^y I bave brought nothing but 3allaft « 
back— made a delicious Voyage, Setter y and might 
have rode at Anchor in the^Port till this Time, bu,t , 
the Enemy furprized us— I would unrig. 

Sett. I attend you, Sir^ 

BeUm. Ha ! Is not that HeartweU 9X Sylvia^ s^Poot} 
Be gone quickly; Til follow you— •! would not he 
known. Pox take them ! they ftand juft in my ;Way. 

SCENE n. 

/ BELLMOt^R, HbARTWELL, LvGT. B 

JEfifiirhv, Tm imp^ent till it be done* 



88 TifE OLD HfXtCHfi'libR/ 

Lu^. Thmt may he, ivlthoui troi^ldiaji yourfdf t9>[^^ 
go again for your Btother^s Chaplaiii. iJon't yjpn ^ 
tkat lalking Facttof Oodanefs) \ 

HeartWn O ay j he is a Fanatic. 

Lucy, hn fijidcitliQQer qualified to do your BuiiT 
nefs. He has been lawfully ordained.^ 

Heartuj. Til pay him well, if youTl break the 
Matter to him, 'a 

V I^jwy. I warrant you-^Do you go and prepave ypW 
Bride* 

! SCENfe til. 

Bellmour, Luct. 

BeUm. Humph! its the Wind there?— What sl 
\\^)iy Rogue am I ! Oh, what Sport will be here,' if , 
I can periuade this Wench to Secrefy ! " 

^, i«ey.-Sir! Reverend Sir! , 

BtBn. Madam! [D^ccwrjhfn^^. 

Lucy, Now, Goodnefs have Mercy upon me ! Mr. 

BeUmour! is it you ? ^ ^ 

: BeUm. Even I. What doll rhinic? : v 

Lu^. Think ! that I ihoukt not bellere my Cyes^t 
and that you are not what you feem to be. 

BiUm.Tmt. But, to convince thee who I 1^^ 
thou knoweft my old Token. [.^i0^\ ^* 

Lu^. Nay, Mr. BeHmotfr: O Lard! I beliei;^ you 
are a Parfbn in good earnefl, you kifs (b devoutfy. 

Beiim, Well, your Buimefs with me, Lucyf 

Lu^. I had none, but through Miilakc; 

Btum. Which Miftake you mufl go thorot^h with, 
Lu^* — Come, I know the Intrigue between HuartvoeU 
and your Miftreis \ and you mi(Vook me for Trihulatwn 
Spintext^ to many them — ha 1 Are not Matters in this 
Foftttie?— Confefs:^-€ome» PU be faithful J will 
I'faith— What i diffitte i» lae, ijirry f 

Lucy. Alas-a-day I You ai\d Mr* Kainlove^ between 
yoM, have ruined my jpoor Miflrcfs i Ydu have made 

a Gag 



TH JB OLD 3 AX CH EX OJT. t^ 

aGapioKer Reputation rapd cat you blame hear if ^ 
ihe make iiup With a Hulb^d^?. '- ' * 

J5^^. Well, isita^lfey? ' ^^ .< 

X«ffy. Well, it is then : But yoi*ll Be feci^t ? 

Beiim. Phuh, fecret^ ay :— ^And, to be out of thf 
Debt, I'll trull thee with another Secret. Tpyr Mift 
trefs mu ft not marry ii^^rJfavf//, Lucy, 

Lucy. How ! O Lord !-- ^ ^ ^ 

i^d'/Zw. Nay, don't be in Paffion, Lucy: — niprovidift 
a fitter Huiband for her.— Come, here's Earheft of my^ 
good Intentions for thee too ; let this mollify— [Giwj 
%tr MoneyJ] Look you, Heartvoell is my Friend j and 
tbo* he be blind, I muft not fee him fall into the Snare, 
aind unwittingly marry a Whore. 

Lucy, Whore! I'd have you to know my Miftreft 
(corns — 

Mdlm'k Nay, nay : I^ook yoii, Lug^ ; there arc Whores 
of as good Quality, — But to the Purpofe, if you w^ 
give me leave ^eacqwaint you with It — Do you carry 
9» the MJftafcc of me: I'll marry thera.-.-Nay, don^: 
fi^ 5-^if you do, I'll fpoil all.-^I have Ibme pti-i 
T^M J^^^ns for what I do, which I'll tell you witnin. 
In the mean time, I promife— rand rely upon me— • 
to hdp yovjr Miftrefs to a Hufband : Na)r, and thee 
too, Xi«gjf.-^ Here's my Hand, I will; with a frdh 
^(Ibrance* [Gives her more M0uy0. 

Lucy. Ah, the Devil is not fo cunning. — ^Vou knbW 
«iye;tfy Nature--^ Well, for once 111 venture to ferve 
you; but, if you do deceive me, the Curfe ©fall kind,' 
tender- hearted Women lijght upon you ! 

Bellm. That's as much as to fay, The Poic taktmt 
^^Well, lead on. 

SCENE IV. 

V A I N L O V E, § H A ?. F^ R, and S E T T%^^ )• r 

Sharp. Juft now, iay you, gone in with Lu^7 
Sett. 1 faw him, §ir, and flood at the Corner where 

you 



n THE OLD BATCH EC OK 

you found me, and over-heard aM they fakd: Mr.SiHi 
mour 18 to marry them. 

Sharp. Ha, ha; 'twill be a^ pleafaat Cheat— I'll 
plague HearfiveU whtn I fee him. Pr'ythee, Fnmk^ 
let's teaze him ; make him fret till he foam at the 
Mouth, and difgorge his Matrimonial Oath with In- 
tereft — Come, thou ait mufty — 
Sett. [To Sharper.] Sir, a Word with you. 

[lVhiff>ers him. 
' FalnL Shaffer fwears (he has forfworn the Letter— 
I*m fure he tells me Truth — but I am not fure (lie told 
him Truth. — ^Yet (he was unatfededly concerned, he 
iays ; and often blu(hed wirh Anger and Surprize:— 
And fo I remember in the Park.— She had Realbn, if 
I jwrongher— I begin to doubt. 
Sharp. Sayefl thou fo ? 

Sett. This Afternoon, Sir, about an Hour beibrs 
my Mafter received the Letter. 

Sharfi. In my Confcience, Hkecnough.- 
Sett. Ay, I know her. Sir; atleaft, Fm fureF can 
fi(h it out of her : She's the very Sluice to her Lad/$ 
Secrets : — ^'Tis but fetting her Mill a going, and I can 
drain her of them all. 

: Sharp. Here Franks your Blood-hound has made 
out the Fault. This Letter, that fo fticks in thy Maw, 
is counterfeit J only a Trick of Syhia in>^ Revenge, 
contrived by Zj»gr, 

^alnL Ha! It has a Colour — ^But how^ dd y«u kno\v 
it. Sirrah? 

Sett. I do fufpe6^ as much; — ^becaule why, Sir- 
She was pumping me about how your Worfliip's 
Affairs Hood towards Madam Araminta ; as, when yovt 
had (ecn her laft ? when you were to fee her next ? 
and, where you were to be found at that Time ? and 
fuch like. 

Fainl. And where did you tell her } 
Sett. In the Piazxa. 

rain!' 



ri?rE OLD ratche>lor:^ ^^ 

luiinL Thttt I rc(?eived tKc Letter— It -maft be fo 
1— And why did you not find me out, to tell me tMs be* 
forefoot? ' 

rBett, Sirj i \rds Pimping for Mr. Bdlmoar. 

Sharp. You were well employed : — I think there li 
BO Objedibn to the Excufew 

. P'^ainh Pox on my faucy Credulity !— If I h2nreloft 
her, I defeirve ift. But, Jr Ck)ftfelTion and R^entance 
be of Force, ru win her, or weary her into a For- 
givcncfs, . - . . ^ 

Sharp. Methinks 1 long to fee BeUmour come forth. - 

.SCENE V. 

' Sharper, BiLLMouR, Setter. 

Sett. Talk of the Devil — See where he comes. 

^k§$p^ .^%g?^g himfelf in his profperous Miichtef 
—No real Fanatic can look better plcafai after a fucceft^ 
iul Sermon of Sedition.' 

Bei^K. Sharper! fortify thy Spleen: Such a Jeft! 
Spe^k when thou art ready. 

rShafpp. l^owj were I ill-natured, would I utterly 
difappoint thy Mirth : Hear thee tell thy mighty Jelt, 
' with as much Gravity as a Bi(hop hears Venereal 
Caiifes in the Spiritual Court : Notio much as wrinkle 
my Face y/ijih one Smile ; but let thee look limply, 
and laugh by thyfelf. 

Belim. Pfhaw, no ; I have a better Opinion of thy 
Wit— Gad! I defy thee.— 

, Sharp. Were it not Lofs of Time, you {houldnuyee 
the Experiment. But honeU: Setter^ here, over-heard 
you with L^o^f and has told me all. 

JSeUm. Nay then, I thank thee for not putting me 
out of Countenance. But, to tell you fomething you 
don't know — I got an Opportunity (after I had married 
them) of difcovcring the Cheat to Sylvia. She took 
h at firft, as another Woman would the like -Difap^ 

- pointment j 



Vr TKE OLD BATCHEEOR: 

fdintment; but my Promife to make her amends 
quickly with another Hufbaad, (broewhat pacified her« 

Sharp.. But how the. Devil do you think to acquit 
yourfcU* of your Promife ? Will you marry her your- 
lelf? 

Bcllm, I have no fueh Intentions at prefcnt-^-Pr'y* 
iheet wilt tbou think a little for me? I am fure the.* 
ingenious Mr.. ^^/^r will aflifl.. 

Seti. O Lord, Sir ! 

.BeUm.VVL leave him with you,.and go (hift vof- 
Habit. 

SCENE VI. 
Shar2ic«^ Sbtter, Sir Joseph Wjttoi,. 

4U!u/BlUPFB. 

Sbarp^ Heh ( fure. Fortune has fent this Fool hi- 
ther OA purpoTe. Sattry Hand clofe; fecm not^ ob— 
ferve themj^nd, hark-ye — [Whi^s. 

Bhfff. rtax. him not— I am prepared for him now ; 
and he ihall find he might have fafer rouzed a fleepin|(.. 
liom 

8ir^ W^U Hufh, hufli: Don't you fee him? 

Bhtffe. Shew him to me.— Where is he? 

Sir J, Wittn Nay, don't ipeak fo loud— I don't ieft, , 
a» I did a little while ago— t.ook yondei^— Ejpad, if 
he ihould hear the Lion roar, he'd cudgel him mtoan 
Aft, and hit primitive Braying. Don't you remember 
the Story in jEfifs FabUsy Bully? Egad, there iHS 
good Mprals to be picked out of JSjip^s FahleSy let 
IttK idl you that ; and Reynard the Fox too* 

Bluffi. Damn your Morals ! 

Sir J. Witt. Pr'ythec, don't fpeak fo bud. 
. Bkffe. Damn your Morals 1 I muft revenge tho 
Affront done to my Honour. [In a low Foictm - 

Sir J. Wut. Ay ; do, do, Captain, if you thiflk 
fitting— Yqu may diipofc of your owa Flcih as you 

think 



TITE OXD BATCHELOR. 93 

.Slink fitting; d*yc fee :— But, by the Lord Hany^ TU 
leave yd«. 

[Stealing away upon hh Tip-toes. 
Bluff. Prodi^us! What, will you foHkke ywr 
^'Friend in Extremity ! You can't in Honour refufe to 
.<any liim a Challenge. 

\^Alm^ tx)h^>ering^ and' treading fift^ €t/ier him^ 
Sir y, Witt Pr'ythee, what do you fee in my Face, 
that looks as if I would cany a Challenge? Honour 
^is your Province, Captain ; take it— All the WoriS 
ricnow me to be a Knight, and a Man of Wotfhip, 
Setp. 1 wanant you. Sir ; I'm inihu^ed* 
Sharp. Impo0ible \ AramiMa take a Liking to a 
-Fool I VAlmik 

Sett* Her: Head fans on aothkig «lfe, nor me can 
taljc'of notking elfe. 

^harp.l know ibe^rommendttd him dl the while wis 
-were ur the Park j but I thought it^had been only^to 
•make /^/V/w^ jealous- 
Sir y. Witi. How's this } Good Butty, hold your 
Breath, and let's hearken. Egad, this nauft be I. — 

Sharp. Death ! it cari't be. — ^An Orif, an Ideot, a 
Wittal. 

Sit J, Witt. Ay ; now it's out/'dsl, my own indivi- 
-dual Perfon^ 

Sharp. A Wi^ch, that has flown for Shelter tof the 
.lowed Shrub of Mankind, and feeks Prote£tioit gtiih 
.ublafted Coward. 

Sir y.^Witt. That's yqti, Jful^ Back. 

[Blxxfk frowns t^on Sir Joftph. 
Sharp. l>hc has given Fatnhme her Proinife, to many 
him before To-morrow Mofntng^Has fee not? 

[TiSetter. 
Sett* She has. Sir ;■— And I have it in Charge to at* 
vftpod her all this Evening, in order fo eenchidt her to 
the Place appointed. 

Skatp. Well, ru gp and inform your M^(ter^ and 
^o you prefs her to make all die Halite imaginaHe. 

SCENE 



94 TITE'OlLDiBATCHElJOiL 

SCENE VII. 
&«tte:ii^ Sir Jos Elf h Wittol, Blvff e,, 

Sett. Were I a Rogue now, what a noble PHs^ 
,CQ\ilcl, I di^fe of h A goodly^ Pinnace, ridily laden, 
^nd to kunch ibrth under my aiifpkiotts Convoy. 
Twelve thoufand Pounds, and all her Uigging ; be- 
.fides what lies concealed under Hatches — Ha! All 
this comroitted to my Care! — A vaunt, Temptation 4 
"-^etter^ Ihcw thyfelf a Perfon of Worth ; be true to 
^y TruA, and be reputed honefl. Reuuted honeft ! 
Hum! Is that all? Ay: For. to be honeft is nothings 
. the Rfsputation of it is all! Reputation! what have 
fuch poor Rogues as I to do with Reputacion ? Ms above 
us ; and for Men of Qj»lity, they are above it ; £6 that 
Reputation is even as fboUfti a thing as Honefty. And 
for my Part, if I meet Sir y^/^ with a Purfe of 
Gold in his Hand, I'U diipofe of mine to the bejl Ad- 
vantage. [^4fi^0 

Sir 7. ^//, Hch, heh, heh ! Here it is for yoii, 
i'faith, Mr. Setier* Nay, Fll take you at your Word. 

[ChirJiing a Purje. 
, Sett, Sir Jofe^ and the Captain too ! undone, un- 
done ! I'm undone, my Mafias undone, my Lady's 
undone, and all theBufineis is undone. 

Sir J. Witt, No, no, never fear, Man, the Lady's 
Bufinefs ftall be done. What !— Come, Mr* Setter ^ I 
jtiaye over-heard all, and to fpeak, is but Lo^ ' of 
Time ; but, if there be Occaiion, let thefe worthy 
Gentlemen intercedcfor me. * 

\Gi'veS'himGi>y. 

Sett. O Lord, Sir, what d'ye mean ? Corrupt my 
,Honelly !— They have indeed very perfuading Faces. 
But— 

Sir J^ fPitt. rris too little, there's more, . Man. 
There, take all— Now— 



THE OXD BATCHELOR. '^J 

better* Well, Sir Jtf(fh^ you have fuch a winnjng 
'Way with you— 

Sir y. ^V/. And how^ and how, good Setter^ did 
the little Ro^ue look, when (he talked of Sir JoTcphf 
'Did not'her Eyes twinkle, and her Mouth water f Did 
notrilje pull up her little Bubbles? And — egad, I'm 
fo overjo} ed— And ilroke down her Belly? and then 
ilep afide to tie her Garter, when (he was thinking of 
her Love r Hey, ^eHer ! 

Setter. Oh, yes. Sir. 

Sir J. l^ittoU How now, Bulfyf What, melancholy, 
tecaufeTm in the Lady's Favour ? — ^No Matter, I'll 
make: your Peace — I 4cnow they were a little fmart 
upon you — ^But, I warrant, I'll bring you into the 
Lady's good Graces, 

Bluffe. Pftiaw, I have Petitions to (how, from other- 
guefs Toys than (he. Look here \ Thefe yvcre fent me 
this Morning—There, read. \Shevji Letters.'] That— 
That's a Scrawl of Quality, Here, here's from a Coun- 
, tefs too. Hum^-No, hold — that's from a Knight's 
Wife, (he fent it me by her Hu(band — But here, both 
-the(e are from Perfons of great Quality. 

Sir J. Witt. 'J'hey are either from Perfons of great 
XJuality, or no Quality at all, 'tis fuch a damn'd ugly 
Jl^nd. [While Sir Jofeph nads^ BlufFe vjhifiers Setter, 

Setter^ Captain, I would do any thittg to ferve you ; 
but this is fo difficult*—. 

Bluffe. Not at all. Don't i know him ? 
, Sett, You'll remember the Conditions ?— 
. Bluffe. I'll give it you undermy Hand— In the mean 
time, here's Earneu. [Gives him Money. "] Come, 
Knight — ^^I'm capitulating with Mr. Setter for youi ' 

Sir y.Witt. Ah, honell -^f//^r ; r-Sirrah, I'll give 
thee any thing but a Night's Lodging. 

SCENE 



"Sharper tugging in HEARTwttir. " - 

itarp. Nay, pr'ythee leaire Railing, an^^oomeab^' 
wijj^ mc : M^y be flie maya'c be Vidiin* 'Tis biirt* 
y9n Corncr-Jioufe? 

Kr^rV^ Wbi^r! Whithjer ? Which Cprncr-hoiifc'? 

$^r;ift. Why, there ; the two white Pofts. 

Heart. And who would you vtfit them, ixy yout 
(Ooons, how my Heart akes I) 

Sharp. P{haw« dM>u'rt fo troubleftmie and iiiquf&> 
tive— Why, FU tcU you; 'tis a young Creature thtt 
Fainkve ^ebaucted, aqd ha$ for^Heq. Did you neftf 
hear BeUfiumr chide hhn about l^hnaf 

Hioru Death, and Hell, and. Mafriagel My Wife ! 

Sharp% Why thou art as mufty as a hew-married 
Man, that had found his Wife Knowing the firft 
Might, 

Ihaft. Hell, and the Devil I ©oes he know it ? Bu^ 
hold— If he (hpuld not, I were a Fool to dif<5over it.— * 
ni diflcmble, and try him. .[4&^.}— Ha, ha,ha! Why^ 
Towt is that fuch an Occafion of Melancholy? Is it 
fuch an uncommon Miichiefjt 

Sharp* No, Faith; I believe not.-^tew Women, 
but have their Year of Probation, before th^r ave 
cloiflered in the narrow Joys of Wedlock* fiut, 
pr'y tbee come alcme with me, or I'll go and have the 
La^ to myftdf- Ww^y^ George. \Going. 

ijfeart* O Torture! How he racks and tears me 1 — 
P^th ! Shall I own my Shame, or wittingly let him 
go and who^rc my Wife? No, that^s infupportablo^ 
Ob, Sharper/ 

Sharp. How now ? 

Heart. Oh, I am--.married f 

Shofp. (Now hold. Spleen !) Married ! 

Jj^t. Certaiolyt irrecoverably married ! 



TflE OLl> BAT^HfiTLbiL 97 

Shvf. HcacwexifodAif Mm! How long} 

Htmrt. Oh, an Age, an Age ! I have been married 
thcfe two Hours. 

Sharp. My old Batcfador married ! That were a 
J«t Ha, ha, ha! ' 

Hterrt, Death! D'ye mock roe? Heark ye, if either 
you efleem my Friendihip, or your own Safety — come 
Dot hear that Houfe — that Comei-iiOufe— that hot 
Brothel. Aflc no Queftions. [Exit^ 

'sharp. Mad, by this Light ! 
Thus Grief ftill treads upon the Heels of Pleafurc, 
Married in Halle, we may repent at Leifure ! 

SCENE K. * 

Sharpek, Setter. 

&H. Some by Experience find thofe Words mif- 
ptK*d: "' 

At Leifure married, they renent in Hade, 
Atf I fuppofe, my Mailer Hedrt-voHU 

-Sharp, Here again, my Mercury! 

Sitti. Sciblimate, if you pleaie, Sir: I think my 
Atchievemerits do deferve the Epithet—- iW^-arfy was a 
Pimp too; but, though 1 blufh to own ir, at this 
l^fne, i mufl coniefs latii fomeivhat Men irom the 
Dignity of my Fun^ion, and do cbndefcend to be 
foindbioufly employed in the Promotion of vulgar 
Matrimony. 

Sharpi As how, dear dextrous Pimp ? 

5^//. Why, to be brief, for 1 have weighty Afiain 
depending— -Our Stratagem fucceeded as you in- 
tended— ^Aj^ turns errant Traitor ; bribes, me, to 
make a private Conveyance of the Lady to lun3« aad 
put a Sham Settlement upon Sir Jojiph. 

Sharp. O Rogue! Well, but 1 hope— 

Sett. No, nor never fear me^ Sir— I privately in- 
formed the Knight of the Treachery ; who has ag^recd, 
£ feeming^ 



^8 THE OLD BATCHELOR; 

feemingly to be cheated, that the Captain may be 
fc in reality. t 

Sharp. Where's the Bride ? 

Setu Shifdiig Cloaths for the Putpofe, at a-Ftiend's 
Houfe of mine. Here's Company Comjiany conning j 
if you'll walk this Way, Sir, lit tell you. 

SCENE X. 

Bellmour, Belinda, Araminta« and 
Vainlove. 

FainL* Oh, 'twas Frenzy all : Cannot you forgive 
it ? — Men in Madncfs have a Title to your Pity. 

[To Araminta. 

Aram. Which they forfeit, when they are reflored 
to their Senfes. 

VainL I am not prefuming beyond a Pardon. 

Aram, You who could reproach me with one 
Counterfeit, how infolcnt would a real Pardon make 
you ! But there's no need to forgive what is not worth 
my Anger. 

BcL On my Confcience, I could find in my Heart 
to marry the^, purely to be rid of thee — At lealt, thou 
^rt fo troublefome a Lover, there's Hopes thou'lt make 
'a more than ordinary quiet Hufband. \To Bellmour. 

Bellm.. Say you fo? — Is that a Maxim among yoii? 

Bel, Yes: You fluttering Men of the Mode have 
tnade Marriage a meer Ftcnch Di{b. 

Bellm, I hope there's no French Sawce! [AJsdc, 

Be}, you are fo curious in the Preparation, that is, 
'your Courtlhip, one would think you meant a noble 
Entertainment — But, when we come to feed, 'tis all 
.Froth, and Poor, but in Shew. Nay, often, only 
Remains, which have been, > I know not how many 
Times j warmed for other Company, and at lafl fervdd 
up cold to the Wife. 

Bdlm, That were a miferable Wretch indeed, who 

could not afford one warm Dilh for the Wife of his 

7 Boforal— 



THE OLD BAT^pflELO-R 99 

Bofbm — But ! you timorous Virgins form a dreadful 
Chimsera of a Huiband, as of a Creature cdutniry to 
tlkat foft, humble, pliant, eafy Thing, a Lover ; {o 
gpefs at Plagues in Matrimony, in Oppofition to the 
ficafures of Courtlhip. Alas I Courtlhip to Marriage, 
is but as the Mufic in the Ray-houfe, tiH the Otir- 
tain is drawn ; but, that once up, then open^ tht Scene 
of Pleafure. 

Bel. Oh, fob! — ^no: Rather, Courtihip to Mar- 
riage, 18 as ^ vexy witty Prologue to a very dull Play. 

SCENE XI. 

[To them] Sharper. ; 

SJIfar^. Hlft — BeUmour: If you'll brii^g the Ladies, 
make Hafte to Syhids Lodgings, before ffeamvellh^s 
fretted himfclf out of Breath.—- 

Bellm. You have an Opportunity now, Madam, to 
revenge yourfelf upon Aartwellj for affronting your 
Squirtel. [7i Belinda. 

BeL O the filthy rude Beaft ! 

Aram. 'Tis a lauing Quarrel : I think, he has never 
l^een at our Houfe fince. 

Bellm. But give yourfelves the Trouble to walk to 
' that Comer-houfe, and I'll tell you by the Way what 
Hiay divert and fuprize you. 

SCENE XII. Sylvia's Lodgingt^ 
Heartwbll\i»// Boy. 

Heart. Gone forth, fay you, with her Maid ! 

Boy. There was a Mari too, that fetched them out-** 
Setter^ I think thty^called him. 

Heart. Sob ! — ^That precious Pimp too ! — ^Damn*d, 
damn'd Strumpet ! Could (he not contain herfelf on her 
Wedding-day? not hold out till Night? O curfi^ 
State ! How wide we err, when, apprehcolive of the 
Load of Life, 

£2 Wi 



100 THE OLD BATCHELOIL 

. Vhal Htlf vJnch Nature meant in U^'omaxrii'mi, 
. To Manjbat St^f^emental Self' dej^'d; 

jlnaAdsanf fure^ andd 'with more Ea/cr a^ide 
. The Bom 'wbe/i broken^- than ^^fhem made a3rid^ 

, 1 , 



ti-v 



.1 fi.OB.N..£i flOlI^ .;, ,vi 

Ito himX kiLLMoi^tv'fteil^K'b^A'; VvirVt^E, 

■ .,. .- .. , . A^ A'MiHt A. ;^ ; ''*• V -/-/'"^ 

tlic Ckimes ofc* y«r(c wcicj>ail» ^jhyji i^ce jtbe'd^^ 
' tM-iNt*' Shame. and^Cpn^^on! fain cxpofei *'' 

. . Zfa«^«;ITi^ /w>t . la thy Nature ' to. giv^ /pc^J oy-rrA 
' ;WomaA (Jaju* foon mve^lmrooji^tj'^, . . ,. ^_ , ;* 

Bel, Ha, ha, ha ! O Gad! Men grow luck Qowds 
. when<lj«y^ar^.roaniiKl-<— -, ^.^jv^ f . ^ j ^^^ . 

Belhn. That they are fit for jao C^nipanjr buj^^tlfcir 

Beh Nor for them neither, iif a li^de],*rin?»fij-I 
fwcar, at %\f M«#ith's,,j^x]icU .you fhalt^jaxxJ^.Jfind a 
marriediMiW** 4^*t \vilUdpjtK:ivlI Thm^^toTii&^M^ 
or ftiy a civil Thing to an)' body elie. Hoht n^^ifaioks 
J ^-ilready! H% h% hu! ...... ; .\ 

. . • Beihi^M^')xi3i, h^\ :^,y. " . . ;. y \ T 

Heart, Death ! am I ma^ yonr Lau^liingrSpck ? 

' -Forlyou,! ; Sir, : I. (ball find a Tiine ; * but jate gtf your 

.W«ip-hei^, ^thp Clown may gtow bolTtroufi'l^ve 

5?/. You have Occafion. for t^- .yc^uir Wjlelia^.^n 

i>V/w. That*&hon>e. .)VH»fWq 



tHE CiLD BATCITELOR. loi 

' Heart. ' Not Fiends or Furies ccmM have added to 
toy VtxatioD, or any lAAxag but another Woman! — 
TottVc racked my t^mence ; be gone, or by— 
; B^im, Hold, boll)- What the Devil, tbou wilt not 
A^w upon a Woman ! 

/UiA WhatV^ Matter? 

Armm. ne& me ! what havc^ jrou done to him I 

M. Onhf touched a g^Ied B^aA till he winched. 

VmnL JMbmuTp |^ye it oyer; you vex him u» 
kuick; 'tis all ienout to hinu 

M. Navy I (wear, I be^in to pity bi,m» myfetf. 

Heart. Damn jour Pity !--^ut let me be calm n 
tttdew— How 1ia;vt I defbved this 6f you ? any of you ^ 
Sr, have I impaiied thc^Hohour of ybur HchuV, 
ait>miied your Siiler Marriage, and whored h^r? 
' wbierdn lave 1 injured you? aid I bring a Phyficiazi 
to your Father when he lay expiringg aSl endeavour 
, eo piotong his Life, and you one and twenty ? S|adam^ 
have I £ad an ^portunity with you ixA baulked 
it? did^yottever oftr me the P&vowv tbet I lefuTed'Ii? 
Ot— 

Bei. Ob fob! What does the fiichyFdbwm^an? 
Laid! letmebegone. 

jhxm. Hanji; me, if I pity you; yxm are rigbt 
eiiotigh ferved. . 

^&t. This b a tittle (birriloui tbbugh. 

Fainl. Nay, 'tis a Sote of your own (cratcbingr— 
Well, George^ 

Heart. You are theprincipalCaufe of all my prefent 
Ilk. If Syhvia had not been your MUbeis, my Wife 
might have been honeft, 

ralnl And if Syhia had not been your Wift^ tiry 
' MUfarefs might have been juft. — Therc^ we are even— 
But have a good Heart, I heard of your Mis&nune^ 
and come to your ReHefl 

Heariwett. When Execution's over, you offer a Fc^ 
prieve* 

/^oftdL What would you ^ve? > 

E J Btari. 



10. TIIE OLt) BATCHiLpRi 

Heart, Ob I Any thmg» every thing, a Leg or i\v% 
or an Arm ; nay, 1 .would ce divorced from my Yiniitf, 
ro be divpiv^d Irom my VVifc. • ^ 

SCEd^E XIV. /' 

^aihl Faith, that.s aTLU'eWay---But hcreVohccao 
fel you rreedom^tter cheap. ' . /* ^ 

iikftrp^' Kj^inlovsy, I have been a kind, of a GodfaAei: 
,to* ybvT, ^yohdev. I haver .proinifed and vowed fdme 
*rhi'nc5 in your N^me, \vhi<;K I think you are bouud 
to pen or m. V • . 

rahih No fisning to a Blank, Friend. 

Skiip, No, rll deal fairlv:with you— 'Tis a full ani 
■free Di.'c\\ar^e to Sir 7e/^-6lff?//i7//and!Captwii -^/j^) 
for all/lBjCiries tvhatfeever, done unto youty tliem^ 
\jnnl tKetprereiit Date iiereof—rHow fay you ? . ' 
•/ ^/^^i^^/.. Agreed.,. V .\ ' ^ 

"'iharpi, 'Then, let meljeg thefe'tJa'dies \o wcairlhcir 
^alks, a Mement.— rComein^ Gentlemen and Ladiea. 

Heart, What the Devil's all this to nic ? 

K^inU ^Faiieuce. , . 

-SC;EN.E, ne.LaJ^ 

XTo them\ Sir JdsXPH Wrrroii:, Bluffe, $YLn a, 

... Lucy, .Settee. ' 
:, J?//^^. AU Injuries whatioevb-,]Vlr. 5^^^^ 

Sir 7. Witt. Ay, ay, whatlpever. Captain; Hick to 
^t whaifo^ver. . . i 

. Sharp. 'Tie done, thefc Gentlemen ai-e Witneflerto 
;&e general Releafe., . , . ^ 

f^rt/W. Ay, ay, to this inftant. Moment — I have 

^ffcd%uA^ofObliv!op. w ,, ^ , ^ 
Bluffe, 'Tis'very generous, Sir, uncc I needs nauft 

OWn^— - :;> ■ f -: K' ...;.>" 

'■- ^^^ Sir 



THE OLD 9ATCHELOJ5I. 10^ 

Sir J* Wiit. Np, no,,' Captain,, you need not own ; 
heh, heh, heh ! 'Tis I mufl own— 

Bluffi. — That you are over-reached too, ha^ ha, ha, 
^nly a little Art-Military ufed— only undermincc^, or 
fo, as (hall appear by the fair jiraminta ixvyWxi^f 
Permiflion. — Oh, the Devil, cheated at lall ! 

[Lucy unnajl^s. 

Sir y. Wltu Only a little Art-Military Tricky, 
Captain, only countermined, of fo.— -Mr. Fainl.'vey 
4 fuppofe you know, whom I have got now— but ali^a 
forgiven ! « 

FainU I know whom you have not got; pray. 
JLadies, convince him* [Aram. and%^\w. unm-Jk, 

SxxJ.mtt. Ah! O Lord! my Heart akes— Ah ! 
Setter^ a Rogue of all Sides! • 

Sharp^ Sir Jollph^ you had better have pre-engaged 
4hls Gcnttetnan 8 Pardon: For though Fainlcrje be fb 
ifenlbMiis to forgive the Lofs pf his Miftrefs — I kpow 
not how Heartwell may take the L06 of bis Wife, ,. 

^[Sylvia unmans, 
• Heart. My Wife I 5y this Light, 'tw ihe, th^ very 
Coekatrice !— Oh Skarper I Let me embrace thee— 
But art thou fure fhe is really married to hiin ? 

Sett. Really and lawfully married, I am Witnefs/ 

Sharp. Bellmour will unriddle to you. 

[HeartwelJ gites to Bellmour. 

Sir y. Witt. Pray, Madam, who are you ? For, I 
'find, you and I are hke to be- better acciuainted.' " ' ■ 

Syhia. The worll of me is, that I am your 
Wife— 

S/jarp. Come, Sir Jofiph, your Fortune is not Ifi 
'tbad as you fear — ^A fine Lady, and a Lady ofvcry 
' good Quality, 

Sir 7. ffiti. Thanks to my Knight-hood, (he's a 
Lady— . 

Fain/. — That deferves a Fool with a betrer Ti^— 
tpiay ufc her ^wy Relation, or yoi; ihad hear on't.* 

£ 4 J?/^. 



5f//^r. And my Rddtipn ; .fi^ kt hqr be fcfijic^cd 

thitiK, you and 1 have been Play-leUoivs^ off and on, 
any time this ie;i(eff)Yp(ir^ - 

. X««^ Hold your jpfUmzr-Vm ^imkipg what Vo- 
iktM I ft'ffi jf&MoWwh^'tty Spoiife xi jdaniing Lau- 
iel» in ihe Wan. ^ ^ , " " ;^ ' \ 

J^/k^a No. mote Wars; Spoufe, W ftiion* ^zh^ 
Wliilel J&iitLaurcfci for nfiy Head abr<wd,'^l may 
fiftd the Kranches fprout at home. ;, 

Hearty BeHmur^ I approve thyMirth^ and tbink 
thee — And r cannot in Gratitude (for 1' fee* which 
Way thoii art going) (Ce thee falf int6 the ftme'Siiarc 
cut of which ihou haft delivered me.- *,'. -r^ 

BcUm. Ithankthce, GdT^^ for thy goodthVnttpn— 
Em there is a J^taiity in Mijiririag^-^For X fitidl'm 
ictbrute. ' ' u^ V . • 

Heart. Thtn good Counfcl Will J)e ^ throwli 'itkray 
upon you— For tnf Pkri^ F havtfohW* Vfatpfed^-^nd 
when rVed again, may ihe b^— ug}y> as an oki 
Bawd! 

FainL Ill-natured, as an old Maid—* 

BeHm. Wanton, as a young Widow— 

S/jarf, And jealous, as a barren Wife. 

Heart. Agreed. 

£el/m. ^11; 'midft of thefc dreadful Denuncia* 
tiotlSy and notwithllanding the Warning and Example 
before me, I commit myfelf to lafting Durance* 

BeL Prxfoner, make much of your Fetters. 

[^GMfifig her Hand* 

BeUm. Franks Will you keep us in Countenance ? 

FainL May I prefuroe to hope fo great a Bleffing? 

Aram. We had better take the Advantage of a little 
of our Friends Experience firft. 

B^Um. On my Confcience, (he dares not confent, 
for fear he Ihould recant ! X^tfdSf]— Well, we (hall have 

you* 



may get you an Appetite, to fc^ us fall«|o hcftnjf^ovu 

, _A^^ D/i^N^e-:E' .;;•■■'' ''" 

Xbth^ take your Fcllbw-Travcfers.^ ^^Gcpr^^ym 
_ fory ;q|<?^ thee ^Jl p3bd pa sdcsij^^, ^> i v 

Jae^r:. Wuh ' ga'udy 'Flumes \ tm ^^i^^^g; flelU 
madcjprbu^ \ _ .," ^^ ' -'...i^ ,-'. ,-../;' * 
TMjoutt^l Bcaft fcts fprtb, and njsf^ts alqu^ ' 

V; Aod th^ njrft Stage a 4bwn-V;iL (Sj:ieen-fwar4 yields! 

■-'•But/ot!^ ..,., :;.^.'v ■ ". ' 'T '■'.- 'V- 

1 jOiir Sun^^ijiles^) and With wnat anxious Strife, > 
What Piiui, we Ag that gall'mg Load, a Wife 1 / 

AU Cpurfers the ,^rfi Heat with Vigour run ; 

J But *u& wiib Wbip and Spur the Race i» won. 

\^Ex€unt Onmes. 



Ej E p r- 



'^^' s .!:^ii>' 






E P I h O G U E. 

Spoken by Mrs. BAllRY. 

JfS v> rq/b €rtrlj who ivill all Hazards nifty 
And he tf^cy^dy th<f Jure to h undone ; 
^Soon as her Curiojty is over. 
Would gpve the World Jhe could her Toy recover: 



^Sofar'es it with our Poet; and Pmfeut 1 

To teUyouy he already does repent : ? 

Wouldyou were alias forward^ tolteep Lxntt ■ J 

JVJw the Deed*s doniy the Giddy lljing bas^etfure 
To think (ftU Stingy that^s in the Tail ofFlcaJure. 
JMcthinks I hear him in Confiderationl 1 

t^hat will the World fay f Where* ^ n^ Reputation T > 
Now thais at Stake — No^ Fool; 'tis out of Fashion* j 
ffLofs rf that fhouUfillow Want if Wity ' '- 

How mar^ undone Men were in the Pit ! 
Why thaisfome Comfort to an Author* s Fearsy 
Vbe^s an Afsy he will he tried h^s Peers, 
But hold^I am exceeding my Commiffioni 
My Bufinefi here waSj humb^ to Petition : 
But we^refo us^d to rail on thefe OccafionSy 
I could not help one Trial of your Patience: 
For *tis our Weey (you know) for fiar dth* worfiy 
Tohehefore-bandfiiU^ and cry Fool frft. 
Howfi^youy Sparks f how do you Ji and offeBedf 
IfxfeaTy young Bayes within is Jo dyeHedy 
'Twould grieve your Hearts to fee him ; fhaU I call him t 
But then you cruel Critics would fo maul him ! 
Tety mayhy you*ll encourage a Beginner ; 
But how ? — Jufi as the Devil does a Sinner. 
Women and Wits are ufdeUnmucb at.oncy 
ICou^ainyQwr Ends^ and damn them wbenyoilve done ! 

THE 



X UM 1 




To the Ri^tllonouraiWe 



CHARLE5 MOiNTA<^UE^ 



One of the Lo&Ds of ^he TRBASuRr* 



Sir, . 

I Heartily wi(h this Play wcte fas pcrfeA as I iii>* 
tended it, that it mirfit be more worthy youf Ac- 
ceptance ; and that my Dedicatiion of it to youniight 
•be more ' becoming that Hdnour and £f^eem which J, 
with every body who is fo' fortunate as to know you, 
^Yave for you. It had your Cbuntenance lyhtn yet 
unknown; and, now it is made pviblic, 'wants your 
Protedion. 

I woulli hot have any body im^tie that I 'Aiink 
this'Pky without its Faults, tor I am confcious of 'fe* 
▼efal. I contefs I deiigned (whatever Vanity or Am*- 
hition ocCaiioned that Defign) to have written a true 
"and regular G}medy: but 1 found it an Uixlertaking 
Avhich put me in IVlind of— ^jw^/ tmdUim^ jrufttaque 

•— • • ' abarH 



\ 



'Ac Vflfiitj: of fdch i Diifi^,"f i)6 cbijftis'bdrh' Ac 

; ^ for ^c 

Imst}^ iliy hii htt$ buTh i HbUfC aixroitiiiig tatbe ;]MiJdd 
kid down before him ^ or » Gardener that he bat Ibt 
his Flowj^ in a Knot of fuch or fucK a Figure I 

VdcK|ned the Mofal firil, and to that Moral I toVentcd 
the rabl^, knd d6 not know that I have bonbwed pne 
Hint of it any where. I made the Plpt as firoti|r as I 
ceroid, be^uie It wste (iogle; and I Vnade it hngk, 

^hc^ufe; I- would avoid C^nfiidon^ and was rciblved 
to pr^er^e the t^ree Unities of the Di^ma.. Sir, ' this 

^Difcourfe i^ yety iihpertinent toyou, whofe Judge- 

' inent much better can difcern the Fauks, than I can 
excufethem; and whofe Obod-naturCy lytethatof^a 

'Lorer, wi)! find out thofe hidden Beauties (if thto^ 
are any fucb) which it would be great Immodefly for 
me to difcove*. I think I do not fpeak inrpropcrly, 
^en i caH you a Loafer of Poetry? tor it is very 
Wdl known ftie has been a very kind Miilrefs to you; 
ftkC has not denied you the lad Favour; and Aie Has 
been fruitful to you in a mofl beautiful lilUe-^If I 
bieak off abruptly here, I hope every body wi)l lin- 
dcrflaiid that it is to avoid a Commendation, whicb^ 
aait i» your Due, would be moft eafy for me to pay;, 
and too txoublefcme for you to receive* 

IlMTKe, iince th» A6li^g of this Piay, hearkened 
after the Objedions which have been, made to it ; for 
I was G^nfciptts where a true Critic might have put 
me Mpdn my Defence* I was prepared for the At- 
tack ; and a(n pretty confident I'cbuld have Vindicated 
fotxit Pard^' and t^cufiSd' others;: and where there 
iKCnLgny plain Miica^niag^^I would moil iugenuoufly 

have 



lookp lUAft iiV^'anJpbj^loJBa, par- 



. loolu ]i20tt iti(,^ an.Uj^frc^ dpc$ npt relate ui par- 
.,ticulai|jto this flay, pi)t.taall or^ p^ have 

^li^ciuwrittpi I and, -tlii^^ ii, .^pi^iLOop v. Therefore 
.jfjitliti AnCwcr It, pok^^ tike, bijtt^fave 

•'^t^rs..(he Trpiibji?^ tcr ,)ylioip ^t my. Wcafti^r be 

jji»b;ie£^L .: ... ,;'.; ^^ ;/^. .;".^ ./.,/ . .]■ 

b:j Xp^^^ !^^^ %r ? ^'^^ It) taOc toJhirajSfC.appettB 

^aKuj^^^P^ linnatufalV and imfced it ii fo ui^ inpft 

■ Cfai«A»but^ the:Qn;uinftance8 WHicb may attend J$e 

.Occaiu)n^make great Alteration* It oitentime^ hap« 

p^nf to a li^an» to have Defigns whicH require hirq to 

.himiell^and in their Nature cannot, admit of, a Cqh- 

.'fident. .:, S^ait'j . ^r certain, is^ all ViJlai;iy ; and other 

Jefs inlfijiievoMS Intentions may^ ^ V^ry improper jo 

, be commumcated to a fecond Pcrfoiit . Ii^.fuch a Cafe, 

therefore, the. Audience muft bbferyc, , whether the 

Perfon Mpon the Stage tak^es any Noticeof them a^ dXlr. 

or no: for, if he iuppofes any one to ^ by, Wften he 

talks to himfelf, it is mondrous and ridici^ioiis tp the 

Jaft Degree. Nay, not only in this Ga(<^ .but in. any 

Part or a Play, if there is exprelfed .any Kn9wletJ^t^ 

of an Audience, it is infuiferable^ ' out prie,nyife 

when a Man in Soliloquy reafons with hipfelf, and 

Fr0*s and Con\ and weighs all his t)efigns; ^e oujght 

tiot to im^ne that this Man either talks ^{0. us, or. to 

Iiimfelf; he is only thinking;, and thinking (uch ^at^ 

ter as were inexcufable Folly in him to ipeak. But, 

becaufe we are concealed Speclatoni pf the Plot in Ag^' 

tation, and the Poet finds ^ n^e(!ary^ t9 let ns know 

; the whole Myfley of his^ . Contrf Yapoe, ^ne is witlipi 



idunication of Thought* ^ 



i^% DEDICATION TO- 

' Another rcry wrong Objcdion has been made by 
Yotne, who hate not taken Leiiute to diiiinguifh the 
Charaders. The Hero of the Pky, as they arc 
})leafed to csdl him, (meaning MtUrjbnt) is a GulL 
and made a Fool, and cheated. Is every Man a GuU 
and a Fool, that is deceived ? At that rate, I am afiaid, 
the two Claflles of Men will be reduced- to one, and 
the Knaves themfelves be at a Lofs to juftify. their 
Title. But, if an open-he^ed honeil Man, who 
"Ifias an entire Cohfidetice in one whom he taltes to be 
his Friend, and whom he has obliged to be fo ; an|i 
who (to confirm hrm in his Opinion) in all Appear- 
ance, and upon feveral Trials, has been fo : If this 
'Man be deceived by the Treachery of the other; 
*muft he of Neceffity commence Fool immediately, 
only becaufe the other has proved a Villain ? Ay, but 
there^was Cavnion given tp MeUefonty in the iirft Act, 
by his Friend Carekfs. Of what Nature was that 
C&ution ? Only to give the Audience forae Light into 
rhe Charafter of mafkweU^ before his Appeftrance; 
and not to convince Jl!^/i^«/ of his Treachery; for 
'that was more than Co; ri^ was then able to do: He 
never knew 3f^7/J5«LW^//gmlty of any Villainy; he was 
only a fort of TVIan which he did not like. As for bis 
fufpe<^ing his Familiarity with my Lady Tokcfri\>ooJ ^ 
let them examine the Ahfwer that Melkfont m^kt^ 
him, and compare it with the Conduct of MaJk'wcWs 
Charafter through the Play. 

• I would beg them again to look into the Character 
' of JHq/Jkveily befofe they accufe Mellgfout of Wedknefs 

for being deceived by him. For, upon fumming up 
the Enquiiy into this Objection, it may be found 
they have, nriftaken Cunning in one Charader, for 

* feuy in another. 

But there is one Thing, at whidh I am moi-e coti- 
' Itemed than all the tall'e Criticil'ms that are made upon 

me ; 



^\f\ ^n?f t%t IS, ■ %ie of thte ta'dres" iafeoflfeiled.' | 
mn he^rtHy'forry for it, for ^ 'declare I Would i^th^ 
dilbhlfge all the triti<?l in the World, thah'ofae ot 
the Fair Sex. They are concerned that i have repit^- 
fcnted fome Women vicious and affe6J;cd : How can 
1 help it ? It is the Bufinefs of a Coii|ii<; Poet, to paint 
the Vices and Follies of Human-kbd;"^ ahd there are 
but two Sexes, Male and Female, Men and Women^ 
which have a Title to IJumanJ^ : Andif 1 leave one 
half of them out, the Work Will be ImperfedV. I 
ftiould be very glad of an Opportunity to make my 
Compliment to thofe lyadies ^who are offended ; but 
they can no more expcd it in a CortieHy, than to be 
tickled by a Surgeon when he is letting them Blood. 
Th9y who are vlrtucms or- dilcreet, ihould not be 
offended ; for' fucb Charaifters as thefe diftinguifh them^ 
and make their Beauties more (hining and obfenred : 
And they who are of the other KinOy may neverthc- 
lefs pafs for fuch, by Teeming not to be difpleafed, 
or touched, with the Satire of this Comedy* Thus 
have they alfo wrongfully accufed me of doing them 
a Prejudice, when I nave in reality done them a Ser* 
vice. 

You will pardon me, Sir, for the Freedom I take 
of making Anfwers to other People, in an Epiftle 
which ought wholly to be facred to you : But, fince I 
intend the Play to be fo too, I hope I may take the 
more Liberty of jullifying it, where it is in the Right. 

I mull now. Sir, declare to the World, how kind 
you have been to my Endeavotirs ; for, in Regard to 
what was well meant, you have excufed what was ill 
performed* I beg you would continue the fame Me- 
tho'd in your Acceptance of this Dedication. I know 
no other Way of making a Return to that Humanity 
you (hewed, in protecting ah Infant, but by enrolling 
It in your Service, now that it is of Age and come into 
^ the 



I 



it6 DBDICATION. 

tbe WofU* TiMsefete h^ pieifefi, iq accept ol Ais, 
j»^«^ Jldioiiividigd^ of the Fitour'^oii b^ 
ihewn met aad an £«nicft of the ical Sorice and 
GMkodeof* 



WILWAM CQNGKivR 






^^'*;^':-;:-. •.■■:■: ■:':/ '.-lo 



• r :i-" -u ''v'^*^ ^■ 



.>•* 



*.>* 



TO MY DEAR FRIEND 

Mr. CONGEfE'VE: 

On his Comedy, calhd^Tdi'J^bvBXE-DEALER. 

TjT/'E L L, then ; the promt ^d Hour is come at loft : 
'^ TJ^ fn-efent Jge tf^iNni^ci^^ ^^ 
Strang were our Sires; andy as they fought ^ they mritj 
Ceuquiring with Force of jirms* and Dint of Wit: 
nei& &ti lie &i)tnttRM hf^i V>^ Flood; 
And thusy when Charles return d^ o^r Empire flood. 
Like JanuSf he thejiuihorn Soil manured, 
With Rules qfHuJbandty the Ranknefs cut^d: 
Tem^dus to Manner Sy when the Stage was rude\ 
And hoift^rotts Engrifh /^ /V, with Art endued* 
Our Age was cuitivated thus at length ; 
But what we gained in SkiUy wc hfi in Strength^ 
Our Builders were with Want of Genius curfi\ 
Tfje Second Temple was not like the Firfl : 
Till Touy the hefi Vi'ruvius, come at length i 
Our Beauties equal; hut excel our Strength^ 
Firm Doric Pillars found your folid Baje : 
Tin fair Corinthian crowns the higher l^e ; 
Thus all ielow is Strength^ and all above is Grace* 
In tafy Dialogue is Fletcher's Praife ; 
He mov^dthe Mind^ but had not Power to rmR. 
Great Jon^n did fy Strength of Judgement flkafe : 
Tety doubling Fletcher's Ferce^ he wants his Em/e^^ 
'Jk differing Talents both adorned their Age; 
Ontfir the Studfy t'other for tfje Stage* 
But both to Conffttvejufil^JballfuMuiy 
Cue matched in Judjgementf both oW-matdfJ m Wii. 

In 



} 



si8 Mr* D Jl Y D E N, 

Jn him ail Beauties cftbis Age njoejeei 'i 

^heregeVCi^(<ft^, Southern's PiTf^ J \ 

The Satire 9 fFtt, 4mJ Strcf^ih^ of manly Wychtrly* J 

All this in blooming Totuhyou have atchievdi 

Nor areyoutfi&J^dCofitenifotw^iu guiei^di 

So much the Sweetnefs of your Manners move^ 

We cannot ewftyyou^ becauje we love. 

FslJmms might joy in ScimOf when ho Jaw 

A Beardlejs Confulmaae againft the Law, 

And join his Si0rag^ to tSe Votes of Rome; 

Though he w//? Hannibal was overc&me, 

Thus old Romano loFtt^d to Raphael's Famt\ 

And Scholar to the Touth hi taught^ lecame, . 

Ob^ that your Brows my Laurel had fufiaif!d ! 
Well had Iheen depo^d^ if you had reigr^d ! . 

The Father had dUJcendedfir the Son ; 

For on^ Ton are lineal to the Throncm 

Thus when the State one Edward did depofe \ 

A greater Edward in his Room aroje. 

But noWj not /, but Poetry is curs*d; 

For Tom the Second reigns like Toih the FirJ^ 

But let them not mijldke n^ Patron^ s Part ; 

Nor call his Charity their own Dejert^ 

Tet this I prophejy\ Thoujbalt he feen 

(Tho* with fbmefiort Parentbejis between) 

High on the Throne of Wit ; andfeated thercy 

Not mine (that*s little) but thy Laurel wear. 

Tiyjirji Attempt an ear^ Promife made ; 

That early Promife this has more thanfaid. 

So hold^y^tjojudiciou/ly^you dare^ 

That your leaji Praife isy to be regular. 

Time^ Place f and JsHon^ may with Tains he wrought^ 

But Genius mufl he bom ; and never can he taught. 

This is your Portion ; this your native Store ; 

HeanJen^ that but once was prodigal before^ 

To Shakeipeare^ov/^ as much} fbe could not give him 
tnmre! 



] 



'Maintiiin 



To Mr. eONGREVE. ti^ 

Maintain your Pofi : Thafs all the Fame you need*. 
For 'tis impojjpileyoujbouldfroceed. 
Already I ant Vi)orn ^th Cares and Agej; 
jindjnft abandoning th^ un^atefkl^taget • * 
Unprofitahly kept at HeavetCs Exfence^ 
J live a Rent-charge on his Frovidencei 
JBut JTouj whom every Mufe and Or da adom^ ' 
Whom Ifirejee to better Fortune hom^ 
£e h'nd torny Remains ; andoh^ d^nd^ 
u4gainfiyour. Ju^ement^ your darted Friend! 
Im not th^ iitfuking Foe ji^ Famefurjui ; 
Butjbadi thofe Laurels vabich dejceipd to Tou : 
And take for Tribute vjhatthefe Lines exfrefs\ 
Ton merit more \ nor. could nty Love do Ufs. 

JOHN DRYDEN^ 



PROLOGUE. 



I 



C i» ] 



PROLOGUE, 

Spoken by Mrs. Beacegirdle. 

MOORS btrvi this Wa^ (as Stoiy tells) to know 
WiMber t/jeir Brats are trufy got^ ornoi 
Into the Sta the new-horn Babe is thrown^ 
fhere^ as InfiinR dlreHs^ tofmm^ or Jrown* 
A harharous Device ^ to try ifStouJe 
Has kefi reUgioufy her nuptial Kows. 

St/ch are tie Trials^ Poets make efPlays^ 
Xh^ they truft to more inconjlant Seas : 
So does our Author^ this bis Child commit 
To the tempefiuous Mercy of the Pit. 
To know if it he truely born of Wit. 

Critics f avaunt ! foryou are Fifh tfPrey^ 
Andfeed^ like Sharks^ upon an Jrfant Play* 
Be every MonJIer of the Deep away ! 
heis a fair Trial have^ and a clear Sea. 

Let Nature work^ and do not damn toofoon^ 
For Life 'Mtlljlruggle long^ ere it Jink down ; 
And Villi at leafi rife thrice y before it drovjn. 
Let us confidert had it been our Fate^ 
thus hardly to he proved legitimate ! 
J will not fay 9 «curV all tn Danger been. 
Were each tofufferfir his Mother* s Sin: 
Buiy hy my Troth, I cannot avoid thinkings 
Hovj nearly fome good Men might hcevt ^fcafd fimkaig. 
But, Heai^n he praised ! this Cufiom is confind 
Alone to th* Offspring efjbe Mufes Kind: 



} 



} 



Our 



Off 



P' R O jL-O |G U E. a: 

Our CJjrtftian Cuckolds are more lent to Pity ; 

/ know not one '^oor-Hushand in the City, 

lUh* good Mmis Arms fi^chofifi^ B^^ard*t/jrivi^ 

For he thinks ali his^o-ixm^ tLzi is b{slfif/i. ' 

Whatenjcr Fate is for this PL^ defignd^ ,r 
The Poet^tfurt hefttdUfome-Qomfhttfind) 
FoTy- if his Miifi has played him falfe^ the nxjorfi ' 

That can'hefal him isy to he, dinfOrcd^ - - ' 
Jl^eu H^fiandsyjudgd^if that he to he curs^di j 



Vol. I^ 



DR/ 



/ 



a:)RAMATIS PERSONiE, 1774. 

M E N. Dhurv-Lane. 

Mafi:wel!^ a villain ; pretended T 

Friend to Melltjhnt^ Oallant to I ^^f^ p c««.c« 



Lin; pretended T 
W, Oallant to I j 
e/| and in Love | 



Lady Touchiuood^ 

Cord Touci'umJ, ^Unde to M/&.]. j^^ Packer. 
>»/. J 

^i£''^!r^l!^'**'''"**'° ^"^JMn Breketok. 
^arelc/s^ his Friend, Mr. Palmei. 

Xord Frothy a folemn GHCcomb, Mr. Pailsoks« 
Brifi^ a pert Coxcomb, Mr. Dodd. 

2Sir P^2^/ Flyaat^ an Uxorious,^ 

Foolilh, old Knight; Brother ( it/r- ir,„^ 

to Lady r^ncktw./, and Father f ^^'^- *^^''^- ^ 

^CSflfj^g-rat^ Mr. Wrigh9% 

W O M E N. 

l^^^yrouch^ood, in Love with \^^^ Hopkin^s- 
Mellefonfy J 



-C^nthia^ Daughter to Sir Ptf*/ by \ 

a former Wife, promiied to iMifs Platt. 

MelUfont, J 

Cady i^ii/^, a great Coquet ; ^ 

Pretender to Poetry, Wit, and vMrs. Abingtok. 

Learning, \ 

^ddy Pfymt^ infolent to 4ier Huf- 1 

band, and eaiy to any Pre->Mirs Younge. 

tender, j, 



C 2 N E, A Gallery in Lord Touchwood's 
Houfe, with Chambers adjoining* 

THE 



dr 

it 
& 
ai 

ti: 

ai 



Boy J Footmeny and Attendants » y 



ti 



\ 



t^23 3 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 
ACT I. S C E N E L 

A Galkry in Lord Touchwood's Hotfe^ V)ith 
Chamhrs atljoinhtg^ 

^nter Careless, ^^^^i" '^^ ^^^g^i *^''^ ^^'^ Hat^. 
Gloves ^ and Sivard^ in his Hands \ as juji rifenJre/H 
Ta^lc : M £1. L Eron T,foi2o^iVing blm. 

MeU.J)JED, Ned, whither fo faft? What, turned 
Flincher ! Why, you will not leave us ? 

CareL Wherd are the Women ? L am weary of 
guzzling, and begin to think ihem the bettei:! 
Company. 

MeH. Th€n thy Reafon rt aggers, and thou'rt almoft 
drunk. 

Carel, No, Fahh, but your Tools j^row noify-*-and 
if a Man muft endure the Noife of Words without 
Senfe, I think the Women have more mulical Voices, 
and become Nonfenfe better. 

Mell, Why, they are at the End of the Gnllcry ; re- 
tired to their Tea,. and Scandal; according to their 
ancient Cullom, after Dinner.-^-^I5ut I made a Pre- 
tence to follow you, becaufe I had fomcthing to fay to 
you in private, and I am not like to have many Oppor* 
timitie« this Evening, 

F i Card. 



124 THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

Card And here is this Coxcomb moil critically 
coiocxo interrupt you, 

SCENE IL 

[7tf//6^w] Brisk. 

Brzjk, Boys, Boys, Lads, where are you ? What, do 
you give Ground ? Mortgage for a Bottle ! ha ? Care- 
Jefs, this is your Trick ; you are always fpoiling 
Company by Jeaving it. . . 

CareL And thou art always fpoiling Company by 
•coming into it. 

Bnji. Pooh ! ha, ha, ha ! I know you envy me. 
Spite, fjroud Spite, by the Gods ! and burning Envy — 
I'll be judged by Melkfont here, who gives and takes 
Baillery better, you or L Plhaw, Man, when I fay 
you fpoil Company by leaving it, 1 mean you leave 
nobody for the Company to laugh at. 1 think, there I 
was with you, ha? Melkfont, 

McU, On my Word, Bnjk^ that was a HomeThruft; 
you have filenced him. 

Brijk. Ohi my dear Mellefont^ let me perifli, if 
thou art not the Soul of Converfation, the very Eflcnce 
of \\' it, and Spirit of Wine ! — The Deuce take me, if 
there were three good Things faid, or one underllood, 
iincethy Amputation from the Body of our Society.— 
He! I think that's pretty and metaphorical enough; 
Egad, I could not have laid it out of thy Company-— 
Carckfsy ha? 

Card, Hum, ay, what is it ? 

BriJk. O, mmCcBur! what is it? Nay, gad! I'll 
punifh you, for Want of Apprehenfion : The Deuce 
take me if I tell you ! 

MetL No, lio, hang him, he ha& no Tafte.— Bul^ 
^ear Brijk^ excufe me, I have a little Bulinefs. 

Car^l. Pj'^thee get thee gone; thou fee'ft we are 
ierious. 

MeU. 



\ 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. ir^S 

MelL We'll come immediately, if you'll but go iiv 
and keep up Good-humour and Senfe in the Company : 
IVvihee do, they'll fall aileep elle, 

BnjL E<ad, fo they will— Well I will, I will; 
. gad I you fliall command me, trom the Zenith to thd 
NaJir — But the Deuce rake me if I lay a good thinij. 
till you come — But pry'ihee, dear Rogue, makehalle,. 
pr'ythee make haile, I iliail buril elfe— And yonder's- 
your Uncle, my Lord Touc/j-vjood^ fvvenrs he'Udiiinherit 
you, and Sir Paul Flyanl threatens to dilclalm you lor 
a Son-in-Law, and my Lord Froih won't dance at your 
Wedding To-morrow; nor, the Deuce take me! £ 
w.;n't write your Epithalamium — ^.md fee what a Con- 
dition you're like to be brought to. 

Mell Well, I'll fpeak but three Words, and foUow 
' you. 

Brijk. Enough, enough; .Carelefs, bring your Ap- 
prehenfioQ along with you. 

SCENE IIL 

M£LLEFONT» CaRELESS. 

Corel Pert Coxcomb! 

MelL Faith, it is a good-natured Coxcomb, and has 
very entertaining Follies — You m'uil be more humane 
to him ; at this Juncture, it will do nie Service.-^ 
I'll tell you, J would have Mirth continued this Day 
at any Rate ; though Patience purchafe Folly, and At- 
tention be paid with Noiie. There are Times when 
Senfe may be unreafonable, aa well as Truth. I'r'ythee 
do thou wear none To-day; but allow Brijk to have 
Wit, that thoii may ft (ean a Fool. 

Carel, Why, how noW ? why this extravagant Pro- 
pofition ? 

MelL O, I would have no room for ferious Defign ;c 

for I aro jealous of a Plot. I would have Noile and^ 

Impertinence keep my Lady Touch=i\jQO(Vs Head irom. 

F 3 working.;. 



u6 THE DO U RLE I>EALEK. 

working ; for Hell is not more bufy than her Brain, 
ijor contains more Devils than that Imagina ions. 

Card. I thought your Fear of her had been over- 
Is not To-morrow appointed for your Marriage with 
Cynthia ; and her lather, Sir Paid Phant, come to 
ietile the Writings this Day, on puipofe ? 

MelL True; but you O/all judge whether 1 have not 
Reafon to be alarmed. None befides you and Majk- 
li-e/l are acquainted with the Secret of my Aunt Touch- 
'\.Kood'*s violent Paffion for me. Since my firft Refufal 
of her AddrefTes, fhe has endeavoured to do me all ill 
Offices with my Uncle ; yet has managed them with 
that Subtilty, that to him they have borne the Face of 
Kindnefs ; while her Malice, like a dark Lantern, only 
ihone upon me, where it was dire<5led. Still it gave 
me lefs i^erplexity to prevent the Succefs of her Dit 
pleafurc, tlian to avoid the Importunities of her Love ; 
and of two Evils, I thought myfelf favoured in her 
Averfion': but whether urged by her Defjxiir, and the 
(hort. Profpeit of Time fl^e faw^ to accompli (h her 
Deligns ; whether the Hoj^s of Revenge, or of her 
Love, termiiaated in tlic View of this my Marriage 
with Cynthia^ I know not; but this Morning (he fur* 
^:«ized me in my Bed — 

Card, Was there ever fuch a Fury ? It is well Nature 
lias not put it into her Sex's Power to ravifli ! — Well, 
blefs us ! proceed. What followed ? 

MdU What at firft Amazed me; for I looked to 
Bave feen her in all the Tranfports of a flighted and 
revengeful Woman. But when J expec^^ed Thunder 
fi*om her Voice, and Lightning in her Eyes; J faw 
her me! ed into Tears, and huOied into a Sigh. It 
was loiiT before either of us f|:oke ; Pallion had tied 
her Tongue, and Amazement mine. — In fljort, the 
Confeq'xnce was thus. She omitted nothing that the 
moft violent Lcve could urge, or tender W'oids ex- 
• preis : v/hlch v/hen fhe firw hai no EtFeCt, but Hill I 
pleaded liunour and Neaiaers-of Blood to my L^aclc; 

then 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. izr 

then came the Storm I feared at fird ; for, Parting from 
my Bed-fide like a Fury, (he iiew lo my Sword, and. 
with much ado I prevented her doing ir.e or herfclt a 
Mifchief. Having diiarmed her, in a Guft ot I*airion. 
fte left me, and' in a RefoUition, confirmed by a 
fhoufand Curfes, not to clofe her Eyes till they haxl 
fcen my P».ain. 

CareL Exquifite Woman ! But what, the Devil, docs- 
(he think thou hall no more Senfe, than to get an Heir 
upon her Body, todifinKenr thyfclf? for, as I take it, 
this Settlement upon you is, with aProvil'o that youiv 
\j ncle have no Children. 

Mell. It is fo. Well, the Service you are to do me 
will be a Pleafure to yourfelf ;. I mull get you to engage 
my Lady Plya/it aW this Evening, that my pious Aunt. 
may not work her to her Intereft. Afld if you chance 
ta fecure her to yourfelf, you may incline her to mine- 
She is handfomc, and knows it; is very filly, and 
thinks (he has Senfe, and has an old fond Hufband, 

Corel, I confefs, a very fair Foundation tor a Lover 
to build upon.. 

MeB. For my Lord Frofl^ he and his Wife will be 
fufficiently taken up, with admiring one another, and 
BrlJPs Gallantry, as they call it. I'll obferve my 
Uncle myfelf ; and ^aci Majhivell has promiled me, 
to watch my Aunt narrowly, and give me Notice upon 
any Sufpicion. As for Sir Paul^ my wife Father- i a - 
Law that is to be, my dear Cynthia has fuch a Shnrc 
in his Fatherly Fondnefs, he would fcurce make her a 
Moment uneafy to have her happy hereafier. 

CareU So, you have manned your Works; but L 
wiih you may not have the weakeft Guard, where the 
Enemy is llrongefh 

MelU Majkvjell^ you mean; pr'ythee why (lioulJ 
you fufpeiSt him? 

Card, Faith, I cannot help it; you k'lo/; I never 
liked him ; I am a little fuperllitious in Phyiiog- 
Domy. 

F 4 hUU. 



I 



128 THE I>OU3LB DiE^ALER. 

Mell, He has Obligations of Gratitude, to bind hiiiv 
to ine; his Dq)endance upon mj Uncle is through my 
Means. 

CareL Upon your Aunt — you mean. 

Mell, My Aunti' 

Carel. I'm miftaken if there be not a Familiarity 
between them, you do not fufpedt — notwithilanding 
her Paffion for you. 

Mell. Pooh, pooh ! nothing in the World but his 
Delign to do me Service ; and h;^ endeavours to bfr 
well in her Elleem, that he may be able to effect it. 

CareL Well, I fliall be glad to be miftaken ; but 
your Aunt's Averdon in her Revenge cannot be any 
Way fo etfeiitually fhown, as in bringing forth a Child 
to difinl'.eiit you. She is handfome and cunning, and. 
naturally wanton. hlaJhvceU is Flefli and Blood at beft, 
and Opportunities between them are frequent. Hjs 
Affcv!^icn to you, you have confefled, is grounded 
upon his Ihterert; that you have tranfplanted; an(J, 
fhould it take Root in my Lady^ I don't fee what jda 
can expe(^ from the Fruit. 

MclL I confels the Confequence is vifible, were 
your Sufpiciaus jud.— But fee, the Company is broke 
up ; let us meet them. 

SCENE IV. 

\Xo them\ Z./7r/^ToUCHWOOD, /./7r^FR0TH, Sir?AVL 
Ply A NT, rtW Brisk. 

Lord Toudnv. Out upon't, Nephew ! — Leave your 
Father-in- Law and me, to maintain our Ground 
again t^ young People ? 

MelL 1 beg your Lordfhip*s Pardon— We were jull 
return! ni^ — 

Sir J\ PI. Were you, Son ? Gadsbud! much better 
as it ib— Good, ft range ! I fvvear I'm almoft tipfy — 
t'other Bouie vvouLl have been too powerful for me— 
as fuie as can be, it would.:— We wanted your Com- 

2 p^^y * 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 1419 

panyj But Mr. Brijk — Where is he? I fvvear and 
vow, he's a moil: facetious Perlbn — and the beil Coi^i* 
pany — And, my Lord Frothy your Lordfhip is fo^ 
merry a Man, he, he, he 1 

Lord Froth, O foy. Sir Paul ! what do you mean ? 
Men-y^ O barbarous! I'd as lievc you called me- 
Fool. 

Sir P. PL Nay, T proteft and vow now, it is true ;: 
when Mr. ^r^/^ jokes, your Lordfhip's Laugh does fo/ 
become you, he, he. he ! 

Lord Froth. Ridiculous I Sir Paul^ you're Ilrangely - 
inirtaken; I find Champagne is powerful. lafl'ure you,. 
Sir Paul J I laugh at nobody's Jefl but my own^ or a 
Lady's; I alTure you, Sir -Ptf/^/, 

BriJL How? how, my Lord? what, affront my 
Wit ! Let me perilh, do I never fay any thing worthy/ 
to be laughed at ? 

Lord Froth, O foy ! don't mi(appr6hend me, I: 
don't fay fo, for I often fmile at your Conceptions.. 
Eut there is nothing more unbecoming a Man of 
Quality, than to Laugh ; it is fuch a vulgar Exprefr 
(ion of the Paflion ! Every body, can laugh. Thea 
cfpecially to laugh at the J<:ll of an inferior Perlbn, or 
when any body elfe of the fame Quality does not 
laugh with one; — ridiculous ! To be plcafed with what 
pleafes the Crowd ! Now, when 1 laugh, I always 
laugh alone. 

Jsrijl; I fuppofe, that's becaufe you laugh at your 
own Jeih, e^ad! ha, ha, ha! 

Lord Froth, He, he ! I fwear, though, your Rail- 
lery provokes mc to a Smile. 

lirijk. Ay, my Lord, it's a Sign I hit you in the 
Teeth, if you (hewed them. 

Lord Froth, He, he, he ! I fwear, thai's fo very 
pretty, I can't forbear. 

Card, I find a Quibble bears more^^Sway in your 
LorJfnip's Race, than a Jeih 

F. 5 Lord 



ijo THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

Lord T§uchw. Sir Pauly if you pleafc, we'll retire ti 
the Ladies, and drink a Dilh of Tea, to fettle our 
Heads. 

Sir P. PI. With all my Heart.— Mr. Bri/k, you'll 
come to U3 — or call roe when you joke, 1*11 be ready 
to laugh incontinently, 

SCENE V. 
Mellepont, Careless, Lord Froth, Baisr. 

MiU, But does your Lordftip never fee Comedies ? 

Lord Froths O yes, fomeiimes — But I never 
laogh* 

MelL No? 

Lord J^oth. Ob, no— Never laugh indeed. Sir. 

CartU No ! why what do you go there for f 

Lord Froth. To diftinguifh myfelf from the Coiiv- 
fnonalty, and mortify the Poets ; the Fellows grow fo 
conceited, when any of their fooli(h Wit prevails upon 
the Side-boxes. — 1 fwear— he, he, he ! I have ohen 
conftrained mv Inclinations to laugh — he, he, he ! to 
avoid giving tnem Encouragement. 

Mell. You are cruel to yourfelf, my Lord^ as well 
as malicious to them.. 

Lord Froth. I confefs I d^^ my'elffome Violence at 
firi^ ; but now, I think, I have conquered it. 

Brijk. Let me perilh, my Lord, but there is forac*^ 
thing very particular in the Humour; 'tis true, it 
makes againft Wit, and I'm fony for feme Friends of 
mine that write, but— egad, I love to be mal cious.-^ 
Nay, deuce take me ! there's Wit in't too — and Wk 
mull be foiled by Wit ; cut a Diamond with a Dia- 
mond : no other Way, egad. 

Lord Froth. Oh ! I thou^^ht you would not be long 
l>2fore you found out the Wit, 

Card. Wit ! In what ? Where the DovH'b the Witi 
in not laughing when a Man has a Mind to'c ? 

BrijU 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 131 

Urijk. O Lord! why, can't you find it out? — 
Why there 'tis, in the not laughing — Don't you aj?* 
prehend me? — My Lord, Canhfi is a very honell 
FeUow, but harkee — you underftand me, fomewhat 
heavy, a little (hallow, or fo — Why I'll tell you now: 
Siippofc now you come up to me — Nay, pr'ythec, 
Carilej\ be inftrut^led — Suppo-e, as I was laying, you 
come up to me, holding your Sides, and laughing, as 
if you would — ^Well — I look grave, and aik the Caufc 
of this immoderate Mirth. — You laugh on flill, and 
are not able to tell me— Still I look grave, . not fo 
much as fmile. 

Corel, Smile? no, what the Devil fiiouU you fmilc 
at, when you fuppofe I can't tell you? 

Bri/k, P(haw, pfhaw, pr'ythec don't interrupt me.— 
But I tell you, you (hall tell me— at lad — biit it fhall 
be a great while firll. 

Careh Well, but pr'ythec don't let it be a great 
while, becaufe I long to have it over. . 

Brijk, Well then, you tell me fome good Jeft, or. 
very witty Thing, laughing all the while as if you 
were ready to die — and I hear it, and look thus.— 
Would not you be difappointed ? 

Card, No; for, if it were a witty Thing, I ftioulJ 
not expe6t you to underfland it. 

Lord FrotL O foy ! Mr. Carekfs, all the World 
allows Mr. Brlji to have Wit; my Wife fays, he has 
a great deal, I hope you think her a Judge. 

BriJk, Pooh, my Lord, his Voice goes tor nothing.-r- 
I can't tell how to make him apprehend. — ^Take it 
t'other Way. Suppofe I fay a witty Thing to you — 

CiireL Then I (hall be difappointed indeed. 

Mel', Let him alone, Bri^; he is obftinutely bent 
liot to be inftru(^ed. 

Bfi/fT, I'm forry for him, the Deuce take me ! ' 

MelL Shall v»'e go to the Ladies, my Lord ? 

l.ord Fraflj» With all my Heart; racthinks we are 
a S^litude without th:m. 

F 6 Mell. 



1^2 THE DOUBLE DEALE^It. 

HM, Or , what % you to another Bottle of Cham- 
pagnc ? 

Lord Frofi. O, for the Univcrfe, not a Drop more 
I befeech you. Oh intemperate!! have a Eluflung in: 
»y Face ^eady. 

f Takes out a Pockct-glafsy and looks in itw- 

Brj/k. .Let me fee, let me fee, my Lord, I broke my 
Glafs that was in the Lid of my Snutf-box. Hum V. 
Deuce take me 1 I have ena)uraged a Pimple here 
too. [Takes the Glafs ^ a,>id looks^ 

Lord Froth, Then you muft moriiry him with a- 
Patch ; my Wife (hall fupply you. Com9, Gentlemen,. 
ailotts ; here is Company coming. 

S c e: N E vl 

LatlyTovcv.wooD and'NLfii^V!\iiAJ, 

Lady TouJmj, I will hear no more. — You are falfe^ 
and ungrateful; coir.e, I know you falle.- 

Mq/k^jj. I have been frail, I confefs, Madani, for 
your Ladylhip's Service. 

. Lady ToucJrjj, That Lfliould trufl a-Man, whom I> 
kad known betray his Friend 1 

Majhiv. What Friend have I betrayed i^ or to 
whom ? 

Lady ToucJjw, Your fond Fjiend,. Mclkfont^ and to- 
ine ; can you deny it ? 
Majhw, I do nor. 

Lady Tou<I:kv, Hiive you not wronged my Lord,- 
iwho has been a Father to you in your Wants, and 
given you Being? Have you not wronged him in the^ 
higheli IVlannei', in his l^t*\ ? 

Mq/kk\ With ) our Lad\ (hip's Help, and for your 
Service, as I told you before. I can't deny that^ 
neither — Any Thing more, Madam ? 

Lady Touch-vj. Morel- audacious Villain ! O, whatV 
moi e, is moil my Shame — Hive you. n«jt diflionoured > 
lae ? 

Mq/l<iv.- 



THE D OUB L E I>E A L E R. rj^ 

Mqflkv, No, that I deny ; for I never told in all 
my Life ; fo that Accufation's anfvvcred ; on to the 
next. 

Lady Touch^zv, Death ! do you dally with my Paf- 
lion? Infolent Devill But have a Care — provoke me 
iiot; for, by the eternal Fire, you (hall not efcape my 
Vengeance. — Calm Villain! How unconcerned he 
ftands, ccnfefling Treachery and Ingratitude! Is there 
a Vice more black? — O, I have Excufes, tboufands for 
my Faults ; Fire in my Temper, Patlions in my Soul, 
apt to every Provocation; opprelfed at once with 
Love and with Defpair. But a fedate, a thinking 
Villain, whofe black Blood runs temperately bad, what 
Excufe can clear ? 

Mq/hv, Will you be in Temper, Madam? I would 
not talk not to be heard. I have been [J/j^e '■jjalks about 
dijordere(f\ a very great Rogue for your Sake, and you 
reproach me with it; I am ready to be a Rogue Hill, 
to do yo'j Service; and you are flinging Confcience 
and Honour in my Face, to rebate my Inclinations, 
How am I to behave myfelf? You know I am ^your 
Creature, my Life and Fortune in your Povyer; to 
difoblige you, brings me certain Ruin, -^ow it, I 
would betray you ; 1 would not be a Traitor to my- 
felf* I do npt pretend to Honelly, became yoii know 
I am a Rafcal v But I would convince you, from the 
NeceiCty of my being firm to you. 

Lady Tohc/jw, Necelfiiy, Impudence I Can no Gra-^^ 
titude incline you? no Obligations touch you? Have 
not my Fortune, and my Perfon, been fubjeifled to- 
your Plcafure? Were you not in the Nature of a 
Servant, and have not I in etfev^ made you Lord of all, 
of me, and of my 1 ord? Where is that humble Love,, 
the LanguiOung, that Adoration, which once was paid 
me, and eveilallingly engaged? 

MaJhrM. Fixt, rooted in my Heart, whence nothing 
©an remove them ; yet you^ — 
Lady Ti7»f:i6u> )&t^ what yet? 

Ma/kiu^ 



IJ4 THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

Mq/kv. Nay, mrfconceive me not. Madam, when 
I fay I have had a generous and a faithful Paffion, 
which you had never favoured, but through Revenge 
and Policy. 

Lady Touc^jw, Ha ! 

Mq/kw, Look }ou, Madam, we arc alone— ^Pray 
contain yourfelt^ and hear me. You know you loved 
your Nephew when I firft fighed for you ; I quickly 
found it; an Argument that I loved; for, with that 
Art you veiled your Palfion, it was imperceptible to 
all but jealous Eyes. This Difcovery made me bold, 
I confefs it; for by it, I thought you in my Power. 
Your Nephew's Scorn of you added to my Hopes; 
I watched the Occafion, and took you, jjft repuled 
by hiiTj, warm at once with Love and Indignation; 
) our Difpofition, my Arguments, and happy Oppor- 
tunity, accomplilhed my l^fign ; I prell the yielding 
Minute, and was bleft. How I have loved you fince^ 
Words have not (hewn ; then how (hould Words ex- 
prefs ? 

Lady Toucbix\ Well, mollifying Devil ! — And have 
I not met your Love wirh forward Fire ? 

MqflrM. Your Zeal, I grant, was ardent, but mi f- 
placed ; there was Revenge in View ; that Woman's 
Idol had defiled the Temple of the God, and Love was 
made a Mock-v7or(hip. — A Son and Heir wou'd have 
edged young Mellefrnt u]X)n the Brink of Pvuin, and 
Ictt him none but you to catch at for Prevention. 

Lady 7<?ftrA:u. Again, provoke me! Do you wind 
me like a Larum, only to roule my own Hilled Soul 
for your Diverflon ? — Confufion ! 

Mafhiv, Nay, Madam, I am gone, if you relapfe.— 
What needs this? I fay nothing but what you your- 
felf, in open Hours of Love, have told me. Why 
ihould you deny it ? Nay, how can you deny it ? Is 
not all this prelent Fleat owing to the fame Fire ? l)o 
you not love him flill ? How have I this Day offended 
you, but in not breaking otf his Match with C^nthiaf 

'Which 



\ 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 135 

Which ere To-morrow {hall be done — had you but 
Patience. 

Lady Touch^<\,\ How? what faid you, Mafk-voellF-^ 
Another Caprice, to unwind my Temper ? 

Majk^, By Heaven, no; I am your SlavCr the 
Slave of all your Pleafures ; and will not reft till 1 have 
given you Peace, would you fuffer me. 

Lady Touch^vo. O MaJhvoeUt in vain I do difguife 
me from thee ; thou knoweft me, knoweft the very 
inmoft Windings and RecefTei of my Soul.— OR 
Mcllefont! I burn! Married To-morrow! Defpair 
llrikes me. Yet my Soul knows I hiite him too: 
Let him but once be mine, and next immediate Ruia 
fcize him, 

Ma/knv, Compofe yourfelf, you (hall poficfs and 
ruin him too, — Will that pleafe you ? 

Lady Touch w. How> how? Thou dear, thoa 
precious Villain ! how? 

Mq/kx)* You have already been tampering with my 
Lady Pyant, 

Lady Touchw, I have: She is ready for any Im- 
preflion I think fit. 

Majk^y). She muft be thoroughly perfuaded, that 
Mcllefont Imes her. 

Lady Touchy, She is fo credulous that Way na- 
turally, and likes him fo well, that fhe will believe it 
fafter than I can perfuade her. But I don't fee what 
you can propofe from fuch a trifling Delign ; for her 
firft converfing with Mcllefont will convince her of the 
contrary. 

Majrjj, I know it — I don*t depend upon it — . 
But it will prepare fomething elfe; and gain us Lei- 
fure to lay a ftronger -Plot: It i ^jin a little Time, I 
(hall not want Contrivance. 

One Minute gives Invention to fleftroy^ 
W/jat^ to rehuildy will a ^hole Age employ^ 

ENP OF THE FIRST ACT. 

ACT 



ij6 THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

A G T II. SCENE I. 

Lad^ Froth and Cynthia. 

GV/i//-'.TNDEED, Madam r Is It polfible your 
Ladyfhip could have been lb much in 



•Love ? 

Lady Froth. I could not deep one Wink for three 
Weeks together. 

Cynth. Prodigious ! I wonder, Want of Sleep, and 
fo much Love, and fo much Wit as your Ladyihip 
lias, did not turn your Brain. 

Lady Froths O my dear Cynthia^ you mull not railly 
your Friend. — But really, as you lay, I vronder too.— 
But then I had a W:iy. — For, between you and I, 1 
had Whimfjes and Va}jours, but I ga,vc them Vent. 

Cpith. How pray, Madam ? 

Lady Froth. O I writ, writ abundantly— Do you 
never write ? 

Cynih. Write, what? 

Lady Froth, Songs, Elegies, Satires, Encomiuma, 
Panegyrics, Lampooiis, Plays, or Heroic Poems. 

Cyntb. O Lord ! not I, Madam ; Pm content to be a 
courteous Reader. 

Lady Froth, O Inconfillent ! In Love^.and npt 
write ! If my Lord and I had been both of yourTem- 
per, we had never come together.— ^O blefs iT>e 1 What 
a fad Thing would that have been, if my Lord and I 
lliould never have met ! 

Cynth, Then neither my Lord nor you would ever 
have met with your Match, an my Confcience. 

Lady Froth, On my Confcience, no more we (hould; 
thou layefl right — lor, ilue, my Lord Frvth is as tine 

a Gen- 



THE DOUBLE DEAL Ell. 137 

^ Oentleinan, and as much a Man of Quality ! Ah! 
P^^thing at all x>f the common Air — I think I may fay 
^^ wants nothing, but a blue Ribbon and a Star, to 
^:ike him Ihine the very Phofphorus of our Hemi- 
^Pjhere. Do you underftand thofe ivvo hard Words ? 
**^ you don't, l*il explain them to you. 

Cynth, Yes, yes, Madam, Tm not fo ignorant — 
-^t leafl I won't own it, to. be troubled with your lo- 
ft rudions T \^AJtde. 

L,ady Froth » ,Nay, I beg your Pardon ! but, being 
derived fr,ani.the Grf^>f, 1 thought you might have 
^leaped the Eiymology,TT-Put Pm the more amazed, 
t:o nnd you' a Woman of Letters, and not write 1 
«lefs me ! how can Melkfont^ believe you love him ? 

Cynth. Wi^y faith, Madam, . he that won't take my 
.Wprd, (hall never have it under ^y.H^nd. 

Lady^r^/^, I vow, ili^//f/9/i/ is a p;:etty Gendeman ; 
^lui methinks he .wants, a.'Manner. 

(^«/i6. i\]V5anner! What is that, Madam? - 

Lady ^roth. Some diftingui(hing QuaUty, as for E5- 

jaurnpie, the ^el'^AiKpxMlknt of- Mr. Brljki the Solem- 

,;Dity, yet Complalfance, of my Lord; or fomethiogef 

his own that fhould took a little Jcrncrjcay-quq^ilh ; he ^a 

ttoo jnuch a Mediocrity, . in rny Mind. 

Cynth. He does not indeed atFecl cither Pertnefs pr 
jPprmality"; for which I likehim. Here he comes. 

Laiy Frath* And myjLord withhim: Pray obferve 
thebiffereace. 

SCENE IL 

[To them'] Lord Froth, Me l l e f aN t, 
. . and Brisk. 

Cyntb. Impertinent Creature 1 1 could almoil be angry 
with her now. {^AfuU^ 

: Lady Froths My Lord, I ha ve been tell ing Cynthia^ h (»w 
inuGjil have been in Love with you ; 1 fvvear I have; I'm? 

not 



1^38 THE DOUBLE DEALER, 

not ashamed to o.vn it now. Ah ! it makes my Hearr 
kap, 1 vow, I figh uhen I think on it: My dear Lord 
ha, ha ! do yon remember, my Lord ? 

l^ijuerzes him ly the Handy looks ktnd^ on him^ fi^^^h- 
and' then laughs out, 

"Lord Frot/j. Fleafant Creature ^ perfe6ily well : ah ! ' 
that I^ok, ay, there it is ; who could refift ! 'twas fo- 
my Heart was made a Captive firft, and ever fincc it. 
has been in Love with happy Slavery- 
Lady Frot/j, O that Tongue, that dear deceitful 
Tongue! that charming Softnefs in your Mien and 
your Expreffion ! And then your Bow ! Good my Lord, 
bow as you did when I gave you my Pidlurc r here, 
fuppofe this my Picture — \Gi*ves him a Fockei-glafs^ 
Pray mind my. Lordi ah ! he bows charmingly, nay, 
my Lord, you (han't kifs it fo muck^ L £all' grow, 
jealous, I vow now., 

[/£? lows profoundly loWj thtn kijes the Glaji- 

Jjoxdi Froth. I faw'myfelf there, and kiifed it tor 
your Sake. 

Lady Froth, Ah ! Galla^tTy^ ta the laft Degree I— 
Mr. iirtjky you're a Judge; waserer any Tning fo 
well bred as my Lord? 

Bri/k, Never any Thing— but your L»dyihip, Itt* 
meperifti.. 

Lady FVoth. O, prettily turned again ! Let me- die 
but you have a great deal of Wit. Mr. Mellcfont^ doiA 
ycu think Mr. Brijh has a Wodd of Wit ? 

Melh O, yea, Madam.. 

^r£/5f-. Odcar! Ma. lam — 

I^dy Froth, An infinite deal ! 

Brif:. O Heavens ! Madam — 

I .ady Froth, More Wit than any body, 

Brl^, I am everlailingfy your humble Servantj- 
deuce take me ! Madam. 

Lord Froth, Don't you think us a happy Couple? 

Gynth, I vow, my Lord, I think you the happi^ft 
Couple in the World ; for yoa arc not only happy in 

one 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 139 

one another, and whea you arc together, but happy 
in yourfelves, and by yourfelves. 

Lord Troth, I hope, Mellefont will make a good 
Hufband too. 

Cyntb, ' ris my Intereft to believe he will, my Lord* 

Lird Froth. Do you think he will love you as well 
asl do my Wife? I'm afraid not. 

Cynth. I believe he will love me better. 

Lord Froth, Heavens \ that can never be ; but why 
do you think fo ? 

Cynth. Becaufe he has not fo niuch Reafon to he 
fond of himfelf. 

Lord Froth, O your humble Servant for that, dear 
M idam ! Well, Mellefont^ you will be a happy Crea- 
ture. 

Mellefant, Ay, my Lord, I fliall have the fame Rea- 
fon for my Happinefs that your Lordihip has*— I (hall, 
think myiclf happy. 

hoxd Froth. A\ that's all. 

Brijk. [^to Lady Froth.] Your Ladyfliip is in the* 
right: but egad,^ I'm wholly turned into Satire. I 
confers I write but feldom, but when I ,du — keen 
lamhics^ egad ! But my Lord was telling nic, your 
Lady (hip has made an £(lay toward an Heroic 
Poem. 

Lady Froth, Did my Lord tell you ? Yes, I vow, and 
the Subject is my Lord's Love to me. And what do 
you think I call it? I dare fwear you won't guefs— 
"The Syi/aM—hsi, ha, ha ! 

Brl/L Btcaiife my Lord's Titled Froth, egad, ha, 
ha, ha! deuce take me, very apropos^, and furprizing, 
ha, ha, ha! 

Lady Froth, He ! ay, is not it ? — ^And then I call 
r^v Lord Spumcjh \ and myfelF, what do you think I 
call myfelf? 

BrijJ:, LaMia^ may be — egad 1 cannot tell. 

Lawiy FretL Buliiy^ that's all ; juft my own Name-. 

BriJIu 



I40 THE DOUBLE DEALER, 

BriJIi, Biddy ! egiid, very pretty. — ^Deiice take mCr 
if your Ladyihip has not the Artot furprizing the mod 
naturally in the World. — I hope you'll make me happy, 
in communicating the Poem. 

Lady Froth. O, you mull be my Confident, I muft 
alk your Advice. 

Brifh, V\Vi your humble Servant, let roe perifh — I 
prefume your Ladyfnip has read Bojfuf 

Lady Froths O yes, r.nd Rapin and Dactcr upoa 
Arijlotle and Horace. — My Lord, you muft not be 
jealous, Pra communicating all to Mr. BrUh. 

Lord Froth, No, no, Til allow Mr. Brijk ; have yoa 
nothing about you to Ihew him, my Dear ? 

Lady Froth. Yes, I believe 1 have.— -Mr. Brljk^ 
come, will you go into the next Room ? and there 
VW ihew you what I have. 

\4^ Froth, ril.w.^ a Turn in the Garden, and 
come to you. 

, SCENE IIL 
Mellefont, Cynthia. 

MdL You are thoughtful, Cynthia? 

Cynth. Pm thinking, though Marriage makes Ma» 
and Wife one Flefh, it leaves them Hill two Fools ; 
and they become more confpicuous, by fetting otFond 
another. 

MelL That's only when two Fools meet, and their 
Follies are oppofed. 

Cyntb, Nay, I have known two Wits meet, and, by 
' the Oppofition of their Wit, render themfelves as ri- 
diculous as Fools. 'Tis an odd Game we're going to. 
play at : What think you of drawing Stake?, and 
giving over in Time. ^ 

McU, No, hang it, thtit*s not endeavouring to win,, 
becaufe it is pouible we may lofe; fmce we have 
fliuifled and cut,, let u$ e'en turn up Trump now.. ^ 

CyrUh. 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 141 

'Vyjzt/j, Then I find it is like Cards — if either of us 
liave a good Hand, it is an Accident of Fortune.^ 

Me/L No, Marriage is rather like a Game at Bowls ; 
Fortune indeed makes the Match, and the two nearefl, 
and fometimes the two fartheil are together ; but the 
Game depends ihtirely upon Judgement. 

Cynth, Still it is a Game, and confequently one of us 
muft be a Lofer. 

MdU Not at all ; only a friendly Trial of Skill, and 
the Winnings to be laid out in an Entertainment. — 
What's here, the Mulic? — Oh, my Lord has promifed 
the Company a new Song; we'll get them to give it us 
vby the Way* [^Mufdans crajjing the Sta^e,] Pray let us 
iiave the Pavour (jf jou, to pradtife the Song, before 
the Company hear it. 

SONG. 

I. 

X^ynxKmfiorMns 'oohert'-e^er I ixjooe her^ 
Tetjhe^s vext if I give over; 
Much Jhe fears Ijhould undo ber^ 
But much more to loje her Lover-: 
Thus^ in doubting^ Jhe rejufes ; 
■And^ not vjinnmg^ timsjbe lojes^ 

II. 
Prytheey Cynthia, look hehindjou^ 
Age and Wrinkks nxxll o^ertahe you^ 
Then too late Dejire 'will find you^ 
IV/jen the Porjjer mvft fiirfake yout 
Thinky O thinky0^th\ fad Condition^ 
To he pajl^ yet vjijlr Fruition f ' ^ 

Melk You fhall have my Thanks befour. 

[jTo the Mufic \ they go out. 



SCENE 



14^ THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

SCENE IV. 

\To them] Sir Paul Plyant and Lady Plyant. 

Sir P. PL Gads bud ! f artf provoked into a Fer- 
mentation, as my Lady Froth fays ; was ever the like 
read of in Story ? 

Lady PL Sir PauJ^ have Patience, let me alone to 
rattle him up. 

Sir P. PL Pray your Ladyihip, give me leave to be 
angry — I'll rattle him up, I warrant you; I'll firk 
him wiih a CcrtiorarL 

Lady PL You firk him ! Til firk him myfelf ; pray* 
Sir Paul^ hold you contented. 

Cyntb, Blefs me, what makes my Father in fuCh a 
Pailion ? — I never faw him thus before. 

Sir P. PL Hold yourfelf contented, my Lady 
Pyant,-^! find Paffion coming upon me by Inflation, 
and I cannot fubmit as formerly; therefore give 
Way. 

Lady PL Ho^ now ! will you be pleafed to retire, 
and — 

Sir P. PL No, marry, will I not be pleafed ; I am 
pleafed to be angr}^, that's my Pleafure at this '1 ime. 

MdL What can this mean ? 

Lady PL Gads n^y Life, the Man's diilraded. 
Why how now? who are you? what am I? Slidi- 
kins, can't I govern you? what did I marry you for? 
am I not to be abfoluie and uncontroulable ? is it fit a 
Woman of my Spirit and Condudl ihould be contra- 
dii5led, in a Matter of this Concerni* 

Sir P. PL It concerns me, and only me.— Befidcs, 
I'm not to be governed at all Times. When I am in 
Trancjuillity, my Lady Plyant (hall command Sir Paid; 
but when I am provoked to Fury, I cannot incorporate 
with Patience, and Reafon, — As foon may Tigers 
matcli ivith Tigers, Lambs with Lambs, and " every 
•' Creature couple with its Foe," as the Poet fays.' 

Lady 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 143 

T^dy PL He's hot-headed ftijl ! It is in vain to talk 
**to you ; but, remember I have a Curtain Ledure for 
you, you difbbedient, headftrong Brute ! 

Sir P, PL No, it is becaufe 1 won't be a Brute, and 
have my Head fortified, that I am thus exafperated,— 
But I will .protect my Honour— and yonder is the Vio- 
lator of my Fame. 

Lady P. 'Tis my Honour that is concerned, and 
the Violation was intended to me. Your Honour! You 
have none but what is in my keeping, and I can difpofe 
of it when J ple^e— theretbre don\ provoke me. 

Sir P. Pi. Hum 1 gads-bud, (he fays true. — Well, 
my Lady, march on,' I. will fight under you then : I 
am convinced, as far as Paflion will [lermir. > 

[Lady Plyant anii Sir Paul come up to Mellefont. 

Lady PI. Inhuman and treacherous — 

Sir P^ PL Thou Serpent and firll Tempter of Wo- 
mankind ! — 

Cynth. Blefs me ! Sir ; Madam ; what mean you ? 

Sir P. PL Thy^ T/jy^ come away, Tfy ; touch Kim 
not; come hither, Girl; go not near him; there's 
nothing but Deceit about him ; Snakes are in his 
Peruke, and the Crocodile of Nilus is in his Belly ; he 
will eat thee up alive. 

Lady PL Di (honourable, impudent Creature ! 

^'Ieil. rKor Heaven's fake, Madam, to whom do you 
direct this Language ! 

Lady PL Have I behaved myfelf with all the De- 
corum and Nicety, befitting the Perfon of Sir Paulas 
Wife ? have I preierved my Honour as it were in a 
Snow-houfe for thefe three Years pad ? have I been 
white and unfullied even by Sir Paul himfelf ? 

Sir P. PL Nay, (he has been an invincible Wife, 
even to me, that's the Truth on't. 

Lady PL Have I, I fay, preferved myfelf, like a 
£iir Sheet of Paper, -for you to make a Blot upon ? 

Sir P. PL And (he (hall make a Simile with any 
WomaQ in England. 



144 THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

JMelh I am fo amazed, I Icnow not what to fay. 

Sir P. PL Da you think my Daughter, this pretty 
Creature — gads-bud ! ihe*s a Wife tor a Cherubin ! 
Do you think her fit fot nothing but to be a talking 
Horfe, to {land before you, while y6u take Aim at my 
Wite? Oads-bud ! I was" never angry before in my 
Life, and ril never be appealed again. 

MelL Hell and Darti nation ! This is my Aunt; foch 
Malice can be engendered no where elfe. {^^Jtde. 

Lady PL Sir PauL take Cynthia from his Sight ; 
leave me to flrike him with the Remorfe of his in- 
tended Crime. 

C^nth, Pray, Sir, flay ; hear him ; I dare affirm he^is 
innocent. 

SirP. JP/. Innocent! Why hark'ye, come hither 
9%y, hark'ye, I had it from his Aunt, my Sifter 
9^^«<^iKIX'W— gads-bud ! he does not care a Fartliing 
for any thing of thee, but thy Portion j-^why he's 
in Loye with my Wife; he would have tantalized 
thee, and made a Cuckold of thy poor Father — and 
that would certainly have broke my Heart — Pm fure, 
if ever I rtiould have Horns, they would kill me; they 
would never come kindly ; I (hnuld die of them, like a 
Child that was cutting his Teeth — I Ihould, indeed, 
^'b— therefore come away ; but Providence has pre- 
vented all ; therefore come away, when I bid you. 
Cjnth. I muft obey. 

SCENE V. 

Lady Ply ANT, MELLEi^ONT. 

Lady PL O, fuch a Thing? the Impiety of If 
ftertles me — ^to wrong fo good, fo fair a Creature, and 
one that loves you tenderly— 'tis a Barbarity of Barba- 
rities, and nothing could be guilty of it — 

McU. But the greateft Villain Imagination can form, 
I grant it; and next to the Villarny of fuch a Fad't, is 
the Villainy of afperfing me with the Guilt. How? 

whick 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. MS 

which Way was I to wrong her ? For yet I undcrftaikd 
ycni^not. -*:> >>^ ^ .'^ 

Lady Pi. Why, gads my Life, Cou&n Mdkfkti^ 
joM cannot be^for (lereteptdry as' to deny it, w4eB I 
tax you with it to jour Face ; fbr» now Sir PauPi ip»^ 

; J£i2^ Ikr H^veti, I love hernu»e tlian Life, oiv— i 
Lady iV. Fiddle, fadcti^ don't leU me of this and 
that, and cverv Thing in die WorkH, hut ^ give nne 
matbemacttlar Demonftration ; anfwer me dirc6lly— 
But I have not Patience— Oh ! the Impiety of it, as I 
was faying, and the unparalleled Wickedneft ! Merci- 
ful Father ! how could you think to revierfe Nature fo, 
to make the Daughter the Means of procuring the 
Mother? 
Miil The Daughter to proone the Mother? ^ 
iMdy P/. Ay^ for though Ititn not Cynthia\ ewn 
Mother^ I am her Father's Wife; and that's near 
enough to make it Inceft. 

MelL Inceft? O my precious Aunt, and the Devil 
in Conjun£lion ! [-4^» 

Lady PL O, refled upon the Horror of that^ and 
then the Guilt of deceiving every body ; marryirig the 
Daughter, only to make a Cuckold of the Father; 
and then feducing me, debauching my Purity, and 
perverting me from the 'Road of Virtue, in which I 
have trod thus long, and never made one Trip, 
not one ^/Sia;if Pas! 0> coniider it, what would 
yon have to atifwbr ' for, if you fhould provoke 
me to Frailty? Alasr! Humanity is feeble. Heaven 
knows! very feeble, and unable to fupport itfelf. 

MelL Where am I? is it Day? and am I awake? 
Madam- 
Lady PL Aud nobody knows how Circumftances 
may happen together*— To my Thinking, fnow, I 
could reuft the ftrongeft Temptation!— But yet, I 
know, 'tis impoffible ror me to know whether I could 
or not ; there's no CertVmty in the Things of thisLife. 
Vol. I. G AkU. 



14* THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

MeU, Madam, pray give me Leafe to aik you one 
QueiUon — 

Lady PI O Lord ! afk me the Qijeftion ? Ft! fwear, 
ni rehife it; I fwear, I'll deny it — there fore don't 
alk me — nay you (han't afk me, I fwear I'll deny it. 
O Gemini, you have brought all the Blood into .my 
Face ; I warrant, I am as red as a Turkey-cock ! — O iie, 
Coufin Mellefont / 

Meil, Nay, Madam, hear me ; I mean— " 

Lady PL Hear you ? no, no ; I'll deny you firft, 
and hear you afterward. For one does not know how 
one's Mind may change upon hearing — Hearing is 
one of the Senfes, and all the Senfes are fallible ; I 
won't truft my Honour, I aflure you ; my Honour is 
infallible and uncomeatable. 

Mell. For Heaven's Sake, Madam — 

Lady PL O, name it no more! — Blefs me, how 
can you talk of Heaven, and have fo much Wickednefs 
in your Heart ? May be you don't think it a Sin. — 
They fay fome of .you Gentlemen don't think it a 
6in. — May be it is no Sin to them that doti't think it 
fo- Indeed, if I did not think it a Sin — But flill my 
Honour, if it were no Sin — But then, to marry my 
Daughter, for the Conveniency of frequent Opportu- 
nities — I'll never confent to that — ^as fure as can be, 111 
break the Match. \ 

MelL Death and Amazement ! — ^Madam, upon my 
Knees — 

Lady PL Nay, nay, rife up ; corne^ you fhall fee 
my Good-nature. I know Love is powerful, and 
nobody can help his Paflion : 'tis not your Fault ; nor, 
I fwear, it is not mine. — ^How can I help it, if I have 
Charms ? and how can you help it, if you are made a 
Caprive? I fwear, it is Pity it fhould be a Fault. — But ' 
my Honour — well, but your Honour too. — But the 
Sin !— well, but the Neceflity. — O Lord! here's fome- 
body coming, I dare not Hay. Well, you mufl con- 
fider of your Crime; and ftrive as much as can be 

dgainil 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 147 

•gainft it — ftrive, be fure— but don't be melancholic^ 
don't defpair— but never think that I'll grant you any 
thing; OLord! no! — But be fure you lay afide all 
Thoughts of the Marriage ; for, though I know you 
don^t love tyithia^ only as a Blind for your Palfion to 
me ; yet it will make me jealous — O Lord ! what did 
I fay ? jealous ! no, no, I can't be jealous, for I n^uil 
not love you — therefore don't hope — ^but don't defpair 
neither — O, they're coming, I raufl fly, 

S C E N E VL 

Mel L£ FONT <ilone. 

' Mell. (after a Pavfe,) So then— fpight of my Care 
and Forefight, I am caught, caught in my Security. — ■ 
Yet this was but a (hallow Artifice, unworthy or mv 
MachiavIIIan Aunt : There muft be more behind 5 this 
is but the firfl Flafli, the Priming of her Engine ; 
Deftru£lion follows hard, if not moft prefendy pre- 
vented. 

SCENE vi.r. 

[To him] M A S K W E L L. 

MclL MaJhiMclly welcome ; thy Prefence is a View 
of Land, appearing to my (hipwrecked Hopes. The 
Witch has raifed the Storm, and her Miniflers have 
done their Work ; you fee the Veflfels are parted* 

Majhxj. I know it ; I met Sir Paul towing away 
Cynthia. Come, trouble not your Head, V\\ join you 
together ere To-morrow Morning, or drown between 
you in the Attempt. 

MelL There's Comfort in a Hand ftretched out, to 
one that's finking; though ne'er fo far off. 

Mq/kvj. No Sinking, nor no Danger.— Come, chear 

up ; why you don't know that, while I plead for you, 

your Aunt has given me a Retaining Fee,— Nay ^ am 

G 2 your 



t4f THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

foor ptaaA Eaeiay, and ihe doa but journej-work 
uaderme* 

jl^ Ha! Hem's dik? 

iU^flkv. Wlut d*yc think of mv being employed in 
the Etecodon of all her Plots/ Ha, ha, ha! by 
Heaven, it's true; I hare undertaken to break tha 
Match, I have undertaken to make your Unde dl&i-^ 
hc^ yon, to get joa tonfcd out of Doors ; and to — 
and to— Ha, ha, ha f I can't tdl you for laughing;-^' 
Oh, ihe hat opened her Heart to roe — I am to turn you 
a grazii^, andto-^Ha, ha, ha! many Cyaibia myfelt; 
there's a Fkx for you. 

MelL Ha f I fee, I fee my rifing Sun ! Light breaks 
through CkNids upon me, and I (hall lire in Day. — 
O my MaflpvceUI how (hall I thank or pnile thee ? 
Thou hail out-wittcd Women. — ^But ttil mfe, hoir 
could'fl thou thus get into her Confidence?— Ha! 
how? But was it her Concrirance, to pedliade my 
Lady Pliant to this extraragant Belief? 

M/^ji\ It was ; and, to tcU you the Truth, I en- 
couraged it for your DiveHton : though it made you a 
litdc uneafy for the prefent, yet the Reflei^tion of it 
nuft needs be entertaining^-I warrant, (he was very 
violent at firfL 

MiU. Ha, ha, ha! ay, ay, a very Fury ; but I was 
fnoft afraid of her Violence at laft — If you had not 
cotat as you did, I don't know what (he might hare 
attempted. 

Mqflnxj. Ha, ha, ha! I know her Tempef. — Well, 
you muft know then, that all iriy Contrirances were 
lut Bubbles ; till at Inft I pretended to have been lone 
fecretly in Lore vnxhC^tfAa — That did my Bufine(s ; 
tl^t convinced jwur Aunt, I might be truHed ; iince it 
was as much my Intereft as hers to break the Match* 
llien,, (h€>^ thought , my Jealoufy mi^ht qualify me to 
aflift her in her Revenge; and, m (horr, in that 
Belief, told ine the Secrets of her Heart. At length 
9e Siade tliis Agreement — If I accompIi(h her Defigns 

(as 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 149 

(su I told you before) (he has engagpd to putCyniblOj 
wiih all her Fortune, into my Power. 

MelL She is moft gracious in her Favour.— Well, 
and, dear Jad^^ how ball thou contrived ? 

Mqfikv, I would not have you flay to hear it now; 
for I don't know but (he may come this Way ; I am to 
meet her ^1011; atter that, 1*11 tell you the whole 
Matter : be here in this Gallery an Hour hence 3 by 
that Time, I imagine, our Confultation may be over. 

MtU, I will; till then, Succefs attend thee ! 

SCENE VUL 

Mask WELL alone. 
Tin then, Succefs will attend me; for, when I 
meet you, I meet the only Obdade to my Fortune. 
-^Cynthia^ let thy Beauty ^Id my Crimes ; and what- 
foe>'er I commit of Treachery or Deceit, (hall be im- 
puted to me as a Merit ! — ^Treachery ! what Treachery ? 
Love cancels all the Bonds of FriewUhip, and fets Men 
ri^ht.upon their firft Foun^tions.— *Duty to Kings, 
Piety to Parents, Gratitude to Bene^idors, and Fide- 
lljcy to Friends, are different and particular Ties : But 
the Name of Rival cuts them all afunder, and is a ^x 
lieral Acquittance — Rival is ^ual; and Love, like 
De^th, an univerfal Lcveler of Mankind. Ha! Bu: 
ia there not fuch a Thing aa Honeily ? Yes, and vvho- 
fucver h;is it about him, bears an Enemy in his Bread : 
for your honell Man, as I t;ikt; it, is that nice, fcru- 
pulous, confcientious Peribn, who will cheat nobody 
but himreit; fuch another Coxcomb, as your wi.e 
Man, \vho is too hard for aU the World, and will 
he maile a Fool of bjMVJbody, but himfelf I Ha, haj 
hn! ;VVell. tor Wifdom and Honefty, give roe Cur.- 
nin./ smd Hypocrify : oh, Ms fuch a Pleafure^ to angle 
for fair- faced Fnols !; Then that hungry Gjdgeon, 
Cr6^i**it>;, will.Kte at any thing!— Why, let me fee, 
I have the. fame Face, the fame Words and Accent §, 
G . 3 when 



150 THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

when I fpeak what I do think ; and when I fpeak what 
I do not think — the very fame — and dear Ditfniui- 
latlon is the only Art, not to be known from 
Nature. 

H^y will Mmhnd he Foolsy ami he deceived? 
And ivhy are Friends and Lwcrs Oaths helievd; 
When each^ 'VohofearchesJlriHlyhisavon Mind^ 
Mc^ Jo much Fraud and Pavcer rf Bafenefs findt 



END OF THE SECOND ACT. 

ACT III. SCENE I. 

Lord ToUcHwooD, and Lad^ Touchwood. 

IjdAy Touchw.^XIfY Lord, can you blame my 
J[VX Brother Pljant^ if he refufe his 
Daughter upon this Provocation ? The Contractus void, 
by this unheard-of Impiety. 

Lord ToucIjw, I don't believe it true ; he has better 
Principles — Pho! 'tis Nonfenfe. Com^ come, I 
know my Lady Plyant has a large Eye, and ^ould 
center every Thing in her own Cirde ; *tis not the firfl 
Time (he has miftaken Refped for Love, and made 
Sir Paul jealous of the Civility of an undefigning 
Perfon, the better to befpeak his Security in her un- 
feigned Pleafures, 

Lady' Toiichw. You cenfure liardly, my Lord ; my 
Siller's Honour is very well known. 

Ijord'^Touch-jT, Yes, I believe, I know fome that have 
been familiarly acquainted with it ! This is a little 
Trick, wrought by fomc pitiful Contriver, envious of 
my Nephew's Merit. 

Lady 



THE DPUBI^E PEALER. 151 

. Lady TouJ:rjo. Nay, my Lord, it may be fo, and 
I hope It will be found for.But that will require 
fomc Time ; lor, in fuch a Cafe as this, Pemdnftratiori 
is neceflary. 

Lord louih'vj. There (hould have been Demonftra- 
tion of the contrary too, before it had been be- 
lieved. 

Lady ^oucli^. So, I fuppofe, there was. 

Lord Touchvo, How? where? when? 

Lady 7i?«r)6iv. That I can't tell; nay L don't fay 
there was — I am willing to believe as favourably of my 
Nephew as I can. 

Lord Touchjc, I don't know that ! * \HalfaJide^ 

Lady Touchy. How ? don't you believe that, fay 
you> my Lord? 

Lord Touchvj. No, I don't fay fb — I confels, "I ^m 
troubled, to find you fo cold in his Defence. 

Lady Touclrx\ His Defence I Blefs |ne, would you 
have me defend an ill Thing ? 

Lor4 Touclrju, You believe it then ? 

Lady ToucL^m. I don't know ; I am very unwilling 
to fpeak my Thoughts in any Thing that may be to 
myCoufin's Dlfadvantage; belides, I find, my Lord, 
you are prejxired to receive an ill Impreffion from any 
Opinion ot mine which is not conienting with your 
own . But, fmcc 1 am like to be fulpei^ed in the tud, 
^ and 'tis a Pain any longer to difiemble, I own it to 
you: in fhort, I do believe it; nay, and can believe 
any Thing worfe, if it were laid to his Charge— -Don't 
afk me my Reafons, my Lofd; for they are not fit to 
be told you. 

Lord Touchz\j, I'm atrjazed ; here muft be fomething 
more than ordinary in this ! [^^<?.]— Not fit to be 
told me, Madam ? You can have no Interefls, wherein 
I am not concerned; and confequently the fame 
H'ealbns ouoht to be convincing to ine, which create 
your. Siitishidion or Difcjuicr, 

Ct 4 Ludy 



J5* THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

,Lady Touchw. But thofe which caufc my Dlfquier* 
I am willing to liave remote from yourHearing.^Gogd 
my Lcrd, don't prefs me. 

Lord Touchvj, Don't oblig;e me to prefs you. 

Lac'.y touchvj. Whatever it was, 'tis paft : and that 
is better to be unknown, which cannot be preve^ierfj 
therefore lei; me beg you to reft fatisfied. 

Lord Touchiij^ When you have told me, I wUh - 

Lady ToucItm. You won't. 

Lord ToucItm. By my Life, my Dear, I wUl. 

L,idy Toucimj, What, if you can't? 

Lord Tiwcbwm How ? Then I muft know, nay t 
will: no more Trifling-r-I charge you, tell me — By all 
cmr mutual Peace to come; upon your Duty^-^ 

Lady Touchw, Nay, my Lord, you need fay no 
more, to make me lay my Heart httort you. But 
don't be thus tranfported ; compofe yourfelf. It if 
not of Concern, to make you lofc one Muiuie*$ 
Temper. Tif not indeed, my Dear. Nay, by this 
Kifs, you (han't be angry. Q Lord ! I wifli I had nof 
told you any thing.-^Indeed, my Lord, 70U hav^ 
frighted me. Nav, look pleafed ; I'll tell you. 

Lord Toucbw. Well, well. 

Lady ToucL Nay, but will you be calm .V*indced 
it's nothing but— * 

Lord yi»cif«r. But v^hat ? 

Lady Touchrji\ But will you promife mt not to be 
*ngry r— Nay you niuft— Not to be angry, with iifeUe* 
font ?'— I dare fwcar, . he's lorry — and were it to do 
again, would not — 

Lord Tnuchvj. Sorry, for what ? Death ! you rack 
me with Delay. 

Lady Toucirjiy Nay, no great Matter; only-^'V^eU, 
I have your Promile— Pho I why nothiug, only your 
Nephew bad. a Mind to amufe himfelf fbraetimcs witti 
a little Gallantry towards rae. Nay, I can't, think hp 
meant any Thing feriqulTy ; but mcthought it looked 
oddly. 

Lord 



THE DOUBLE DEA-LEFf. ifs 

Lord T^uJkv: Gonfufmn iiad Hell! tvbatdo I 
hear! , t 

Lady Toucbw. Or, may be, he thought he was, not 
enough akin to me upon your Account, and had a 
Mind to create a nearer Hclation on his own; a Lover 
you k row, my Lord — Ha, ha,' ha! Well, but that's 
all — Now you have it : well, remember your Promife, 
my Lord ; and don't take any Notice of it to him. 

Lord TouciriXi* No, no, no— -Damnation ! 

Lady Tcuc/jw, Nay, Hwcar you rauft not-^— A little 
harinlefs Mirth — only mifplaced, that's all— But if it 
were more, 'tis over now, and all is well. For my 
Part, I have forgot it; and fo has he, I hope— for I 
have not heard any thing from him thefe two Days. 

Lord louchw. Thefe two Days ! Is it io trefli ? 
tJnnarural Villain ! — Death ! I'll have him iWpt and 
t).imed naked out of my Doors this Moment, and let 
hfmrof andperilh— Incelluou^ Brute! 

Lady Toudrjo. O, for Heaven's Sake, my Lord, 
you'll ruin me if you take fuch public Notice of it ; it 
will be a Town talk. Confider your own and my Ho- 
nour — nay, I told you you would not be fatisfied when 
youknew.it.. 

Lord Touctyw. Before I've done, I will be fatisfied. 
Ungrateful Monder !, how long-^ 

Lady Touchw, Lord, I don't know : I wifh my Lips 
^^ij;rown together when I told >^u — ^Almoft a 
Twelvemonth— Nay, I won't tell you any more, till 
you are yourfelf^ Pray, my Lord, don't let the Com* 
pany fee you in this Diforcfer— Yet I.cbiifefs, I can't 
blame you ; for I think I was never fo furprized in my. 
Life — Who would h^vc thought my Nephew could 
have fo mifconfltued my Kindnefs ? — But will you go 
into your Cfofet, and recover your Temper? FJl ma^e 
an Excufe of fudden Bufinefs to the Company, and 
cometo yon. Pray, good dear my Lord, let me beg 
you do now? Ill come immediately, and tell you all — 
will you, my Lord ? 

Q i Ljri 



1^4 THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

Lord Tojechviu I will— I am mute with Wondc. 

Lady Touclnv, Well, but go now, here's fomebody 
coming. 

Lord Toucfnv. Well, I go — you won't llay, for I 
would hear more of this. 

Lady Touc/riV, I follow inftantly-— So ! 

SCENE IL 
L<j^ Touchwood, Maskwell, 

Mafitv, This was a Mafter-piece, and did not need 
my Help— though I flood ready for a Cue, to come in 
and contirm all, had there been Occafion. 

Lady Touc/kv, Have you feen Mellefont f 

M^bi\2. Ihave; and am to meet him hereabout 
this Time. 

Lady Tcuch\\j. How does he bear his Difappoint- 
ment? 

Majhvo. Secure in my Aflirtance, he fccmed not 
much afflided ; but rather laughed at the (liallow Ar- 
tifice, which fo little Time muft of Neceflity difcover. 
Yet he is apprehenfive of fo me further Defign of yours, 
and has engaged me to watch you. I believe he will 
hardly be able to prevent your Plot ; yet I would have 
you ufe Caution and Expedition. 

Lady TottclriA}, Expedition indeed; for all we do, 
mull be performed in the remaining Part of this Even- 
ing, and before the Company break tip ; left my Lord 
(bould cool, and have an Opportunity to talk with him 
privately. — My Lordmuft not fee him again. 

Mtrjkiv, By no Means ; therefore you nnift aggra- 
vate my Lord's Difpleafure to a Degree that will ad- 
mit of no Conference with him. — What think you of 
mentioning me ? 

Lady ToucIj^m, How ? 

Majh^j, To my Lord, as having been privy to 
Melkfcnii Defign upon you, but ftill ufing my utmoft 
Endeavours to difluade him; though my Friend(hip 

and 



THE DOUBLE DEALER t^s 

and Love to him has made me concea! it: yet you 
may fay, I threatened, the next Time he attempted any. 
Thing of that Kind, to difcover it to my Lord, 

Lady Toucfj^iV. To what End is this ? 

Majkvj, It will coniirm my Lord's Opinion of my 
Honour and Honefty, and create in him a new Con- 
fidence in me, which ((hould this Defign mifcarry) 
will be neceflary to the forming another Plot that X 
have in my Head — to you, as well as the reft ! 

Lady Touc6w, Til do it — I'll tell him, you, hin- 
dered him once from forcing me. 

Ma/kw, Excellent ! Your Ladyfliip has a moft im- 
proving Fancy. You had bell go to hoy Lord, keep 
him as long as you can in his Clofet, and I doubt not 
but you will mould him to what you pleafe j your 
CtucHs are fo engaged in their own Follies and In- 
trigues, they'll mil's neither of you. 

Lady Touch-M. When fliall we meet? — At Eight 
this Evening, in my Chamber; there rejoice at our 
Succefs, and toy away an Hour in Mirth, 

Majkv. I will not fail. 

SCENE UL 

Mask WELL alone. 

I know what (he means by tayi»g ipw^ an Hour wel' 
enough ! Pox, I have loft all Appetite to her j yet ftie's 
a -fine Woman, and I loved her once. But I don't 
know, fince I have been in a gieat Meafure kept by 
her, the Cafe is altered ; what was my Pleafure, is 
become my Duty : and I have as little Stomach to her 
now as if I were her Huft>nnd. Should (lie fmoak my 
Defigii upon Cynthlai I were in a fine Pickle. She has 
a damned penetrating* Head, and knows how to in- 
terpret a Coldnefs the right Way ; therefore I muft 
drtremble Ardour and Ecftafy; that's refolved. How 
' caftly and pleafanrly is that dillembled before Fruition ! 
G 6 Pox 



1^6 tHE DOtJBLE D^AtElt. 

t^os on'ty that 9 Mao can't drtnk withoot quendiin|f 
hb Thirft I Ha ! yonder comca MrUefsnt thoughtftiU 
Let me think — Meet her at Eight-^hum*-Ha ! By 
Heaven, I have it — It I can fpeak to'iny Lord before — 
Was it my Brain, or Providerice ? No Matter which — 
1 will deceive them all, and yet fcaire myfclf: *iwas a 
lucky Thought! Well, this Double-dealing is a Jewd.— 
Hete he comes : now for me ! 

[Mafkwell pretending not to fee hlm^ *ocaiks hy him^ and 
Jptaks as it were to bimfe^. 

S C E N E IV. 

[7^i6//«] Mellefomt, iwi^^. 

Majhw. Mercy on us ! what will the Wickednefs of 
this World come lo ? 

MelU Huw now, Jack7 What, fo full of Contem- 
plation, that you run over ! 

Majhvo. Tm glad you're come, for I coiUd not con- 
tain myfelf any longer : and was juft going to give Vent 
to a Secret, which nobody but you ought to drink 
down.-i^Your Aunt's juft gone from hence* 

MelL And, having trufted thee with the Secrets of 
her Soul, thou art villainoufly bent to difcover them 
all to me, ha ? 

MafivJ. Fm afraid my Frailty leans that Way^ — but 
I don't know whether I can in Honouj: difcover 
them alU ' 

■ Meli. All, all, Man ? What ! you may in Honour 
betray her as far as (he betrays herfelf. No tragical 
P$;lign upon my Perfon, I hope ? 

Mq/kxj. No, but it is a comical Dciign upon 
mine. 

Meil. What doft thou mean ? 

Afa/iw, Liften, and be dumb; we have been bar- 
gaining about the Rate of your Ruin— 

Mel/. Like any two Guardians to an Orphan 
SIeire&--.WelL 

Majiiv. 



tHE DOUBLE DEALEl^. iS7 

M^W' Aiid whereas Pleafure is generally paid with 
^lift:Qeff what MirchiefJ do is to be paid with 
FlejifnTe. 

MelL So, when youVe fwallowed the Potion, ybiji 
liveeten your Mouth with a Plumb. 

Majlw. You areaaerry, Sir; bu«I(hall probe your 
ConilimtioD. In (hort, the Price of your Banifhment 
19 to be paid with the Perlbrt of-^ 

ili<?/A Of CynthiOy and her Fortune— Why, you 
forget ; you told me this betbre. 

Majkrji\ No, no— So far you are right ; and I am, 
as an Earneft of that Bargain, to have full and free 
PofTelliDn of the Pcrlbn of — your Aunt, 

Mell. Ha!— Pho, you trifle. 
- MaJkrM, By this Light, I'm ferious ; all Raillery 
apart — I knew 'twould llun you. This Evening, at 
Eight, (he will receive me in her Bed chamber. 

Mkll. Hell and the Devil ! is (he abandoned of all 
Ciace ?— Why the Woman is poflefs'd — 

Majkvj. Well, will you go in my Stead ? 

Mell. By Heaven, into a hot Furnace fooner. 

Ma/kFWm No, you would not— Ft would not be (b 
convenient, as I can order Matters. 

MelU What d'ye mean ! 

MaJkrM. Mean? Not to difappoint the Lady, laiTure 
you. — Ha, ha, ha I how gravely he looks-^Come, 
come, I won't perplex you. *Tis the only Thing 
that Providence could have contrived, to make me 
capable 'Of (erving you, cither to my Inclination, or 
your own Necellity. 

Mell. How, how, for Heaven's fake, dear M|^- 

Mafeia* Why thus — I'll go according to Appoint* 
ment ; you fhall have Notice, at the critfcal Minut^, 
to coitie and furprize your Aunt and me together; 
counterfeit a Rage againfl me, and I'll m^e my 
Efcape through t^ private PaiTs^e from lier Chamber, 
whidb rU take care to teive ope^ : 'twill be hard^ if 

then 



15^ THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

then you can*t bring her tojany Conditions; for thi« 
Difcovery will difarm her of all Defence, and leave 
her entirely at your Mercy ; nay, (lie mult ever after 
be in Awe of you. 

MclL Let me adore thee, my belter Genius! By 
Heaven, I think it is not in the Power of Fate to dil- 
apjx)int my Hopes — IVJy Hopes? n\y Certainty. 

MoJk'M* Well, rU meet you here, within a Qnar- 
ter or Eight, and give you Notice. 

MclL Good Fortune ever go along with thee \ 

SCENE V. 

Mbllefont, Careless. 

Card. Mdhfont^ get out o'lh' Way; my Lady 
Pfyant is coming, and I (hall never fucceed while thou 
art in Sight — though ihe begins to tack about; but 1 
made Love a great while to no Purpofe. 

MelL Why, what's the Matter? She's convinced 
that I don't care for her, 

CareL I cannot get an Anfwer from her, that dors 
not begin with her Hoiiour, or her Virtue, her Re- 
ligion, or fome fuch Cant. Then (he has told me the 
whole Hiflory of Sir Faults Nine Years Courtfhip ; how 
he has lain for whole Nights together vipon the Staii-s, 
before her Chamber-door ; and that the iirft Favour 
he received from her, was a Piece of an old Scarlet 
Petticoat for a Stomacher ; which, fince the Day of 
his Marriage, he has, out of a Piece of Gallantr}> 
converted into a Night-cap, and wears it flill with 
much Solemnity on his Anniverfary W^edding Night. 

MeU, That I have feen, with the Ceremony there- 
unto belonging — for on that Night he creeps ii> at the 
Bed's Feet like a gulled Balfa \}^x has married a ;Rela- 
tion of the Grand Signior ; and that Night he has his 
Xrms at Liberty. Did not (he tell you at what a' 
Diftance (he keeps him? He has confefled to me,. that 
but at fomc certain. Tiipes— that is, I.fuppofe, when 

(he 



THE OOUBLE DEALER. 159 

flie apprehends being with Chiki-r-he never has the 
Privilege of ufing the Familiarity of a Hufband with 
a Wite. He was once given to fcrambliog with his 
Hands, and fprawling in his Sleep ; and ever fince (he 
has him fwaddled up in Blankets, and his Hands and 
Feet fwathed down, and lb put to Bed ; and there he 
lies, with a great Beard, like a Ruffian Benr upon 
a Drift of Snow. \ou are very great with him; I 
wonder he never told you his Grievances ; he will, I 
warrant you. 

Carel, ExcelTively foolifh ! — but that which gives me 
mod Hopes of her, is her telling me of the many 
Temptations (he has refifted. 

Mcll, Nay, then you have her; for a Woman's 
blagging to a Man that Ihe has overcome Temptations, 
is an Argument that they were weakly offered, and a 
Challenge to him to engage her more irrefiflibly. 
'Tis only an enhancing the Price of the Commo- 
dity, by telling you how many Cullomers have un- 
derbid her. 

Carel. Nay, I don't defpair — But flill (he has a 
Grudging to you — I talked to her t'other Night at my 
Lord FrotlJ's iViafquerade, when I'm fatisfied (he knew 
me, and I had no Reafon to complain of my Recep- 
tion ; but I find Women are not the fame bare- faced 
and in Malks — and a Vizor difguifes their Inclinations 
as much as their Faces.' 

Mell. 'Tis a Mittake, for Women may moft pro- 
perly be faid to be unmaiked when they wear Vizors ; 
for that fecures them from Blufhing and being out of 
Countenance; and, next to being in the Dark, or alone, 
they are moll truly themfelves in a Vizor Ma(k. — Here 
they come, Pll leave you. Ply her clofe, and by and 
by clap a Billet doux into her Hand; for a Woman 
never thinks a Man truly in Love with her, till he \^% 
been Fool enough to think of her out of her Sight, and 
to lofe fo much Time as to write to her. 

SCENE 



i6o THE doubeE dealer;. 

S C E N E V4. 
Careless, 5'/V Pai/u Plyant, axJ LaJyVt^Atit* 

SivPaulPIyattt.^ Shan't we difturb your Meditation, 
Mr. Carelcjit Y(iU would be private. 

CareU You bring that alor.g with yoUj Sir Taul^ that 
ill all be always welcome to my Privacy. 

Sir P. iV. O, fwcec Sir, you load your humble 
Servants, both me and my Wife, with continual 
Favours. 

Lady PL Sir Paul^ what a Phrafe was there ! You 
will be making Anfwers, and taking that upon you, 
which ought to lie upon me. That you ftiouldhave 
fo littlj Breeding to think Mr. Carckfi did not apply 
himfelf to me ! Pray what have you to entertain any 
body's Privacy ? I Iwear and declare, in the Face of the 
World, I'm ready to blufh for your Ignorance. 

Sir P. PL I acquiefce, my Lady ; but dbri't {hub' 
fo loud ! [ Ajide to her. 

Lady PL Mr. Carehfs^ if a Perfon that is wholly 
illiterate might be fuppoled to be capable of being 
qualified to make a fuiiable Return to thofe Obliga- 
tions which you arc pleafed to confer upon one that is* 
wholly incapable ot being quaKiied in^ all thofc <Jir-^ 
cumilances, Pm fure I fhoiild rather 'attempt it than 
any Thing in the World \airteJici\^QX 1 'am fure 
there is nothing in the VVorld that I ^vould rath^ 
\curtefies\ — But I know Mr. Carckfs is fo grear a 
Critic, and fo iiue a Gentleman, that it is impofiiblc 
for me — 

Careh O Heavens! Madam, yo\i confound me. 

Sir P. PL Gads bud! (he is a fine Perfon ! 

Lady PL O Lord 1 Sir, pardon me, we WomeiV 
have not thofe Advantages \ 1 know my ownlmper- 
fe^ions— But, at the fame Time, you muft give mf6 
Leave to declare, in the Face of the World, that nty»^ 
body is more feuiible of Favours and Things; for, with 

the. 



THE DOUBLE DEALER* i6i 

the Referve of roy Honour, I ialTure you, Mr. Carekfs^ 
I don*t know any Thing in the World I would refufc 
to a Perfon fo meritorious — You'll pardon my Want 
of Exprefiion. 

CareL O ! your Lady(hip is abounding in all £x» 
cellence, particularly that or Phrafe. 

Lady JfL You are fo obliging, S!r. 

CareL Your Ladyfhip is lb charming* 

Sir P. ?U So, now, now ; now, roy Lady. • 

Lady P/. So well bred, 

CareL So furprlzing. 

Lady Fl. So well dref^, (b honne mine^ fo eloquent, 
fo unatfe«Sted, fo ^al'y, (b free, io particulari fo agr%Gr 
able — 

Sir P. PL Ay, fo, fo, there. 

CareL O Lord, I befeech you. Madam, don't— 

Lady PL So gay, fo graceful, fo good Teeth, (o 
fine Shape, fo fine Limbi, fo fine Linen ; and \ don't 
doubt butyou have a very good Skin, Sir. 

CareL For Heavea's iale, >I^ani— 4'm quite out 
of Countenance. 

Sir wP. PL And my Lady is quite out of Breath y or 
elfeyou {houfd hear«— Gad's bud! you may talk o^ 
my Lady Froth ! 

CsrcL O fie, fie, not to be named of a Day— My 
L^y Froth is very well in her Aocomplifitments — but 
it is when my Lady Pliant is not thought of— if that 
can ever be. 

Lady PL O you overcome me ! — that is fo cx- 
ceffivc. . 

Sir P. PL Nay, I fwear and vow, that was pretty. 

CareL O, Sir PauL you are the happieft Man alive. 
Such a La<ly * that is the Envy of her own Sex, and 
the Admiration of ours. 

Sir P. PL Your humble Servant ! — I am, I thank 
Heaven, in a fine Way of living, as I may fay, peace- 
fully and hajipily; and, I think, need not envy any of 
my Neighbours, bleflcd be Providence! — Ay truly, 

Mr. 



i6i THE DOUBLE DiEALEll. 

Mr. Cardefs^ my Lady is a great Blefling ; a fine, dif^ 
erect, well-fixjikea VVoman as you ihail lee — M it 
becomes me to fay fo; and we live veiy comtbrtahJy 
together ; (he is a little hafly fometimes, and ib atn I ; 
but mine's loon over, and then I'm fo forry — O^ Mr* 
CarelffSfi^ it were not for one I'hing— 

SCENE vir. 

Careless, Sir Paul Plyant, Lcu^ Plyant> 
Boy 'With a Letter, 

Lady PA How often have you been told of that, 
you Jackanapes ? 

Sir P. PL Gad fo, gad*s-bud !— 7/^, carry it to my 
Lady; you (hould have carried it to my Lady firfl. ^ 

Boy, 'Tis direded to your Worlhip. 

Sir P. PL Well, well, my Lady reads all Lettcrr 
iirll — ^Child, do fp no more; d'ye hear, 'tim* 

Boy. No, an't pleafe you I 

SCENE VIIL. 

Careless, i9/r Paul Plyant, La^ Plyant. 

. Sir P. PL A Humour of my Wife's; you know 
Women have little Fancies— But, as I was telling you» 
Mr* Carekfsy if it. were not for one Thing, 1 fliould 
think myfelf the happiell Man in the Word; indeed 
that touches me near, very near ! 

CareL What can that be, Sir Paul /^ 

Sir P. PL Why, I have, 1 thank Heaven, a very 
pk»tiful Fortune, a good Eftate in the Country, fonic 
Houfes in Town, ahd fome Money, a pretty tolerable 
Perfonal Eftate ; and it is a great Grief to me, indeed 
it is, Mr. Carele/s, that I havcL not a Son to inherit 
this.-— 'Tis true, I have a Daughter; and a fine duti- 
Jul Child (he is, though I i\\y it, blelled be Proyi- 
dence, I may fay; for indeed, Mr. Carelefs^ I am 
mightily beholden to IVovidence—a poor unworthy 

Sinner— 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. i6j 

Sinner — But if I had a Son, ah, that's my Affli«5lion, 
and my only Affliction ; indeed I cannot refrain Tears 
when it conies in my Mind. [Crifs^ 

Card. Why, raethinks that might be ealily reme- 
died-— my Lady's a fine likely Woman — 

Sir F. PL Oh, a line likely Woman as you (hall fee 
in a Summer's Day ! —Indeed ftie is, Mr, Carelefs^ in 
all refpeds. 

CareL And I fliould not havejtaken you to have 
been fo old — 

Sir P. PL Alas, that's not it, Mr. Carelefs ; ah ! 
that's not it ; no, no, you fhoot wide of the Mark a 
Mile, indeed you do ; that's not it, Mr. Carelefs ; no, 
no, that's not it. 

CareL No ? what can be the Matter then ? 

Sir F, PL You'll fcarcely believe me, when I (hall 
till you — ray Lady is fo nice — it is very flrange, but 
it is true, too true— (he is fo very nice, that I don't 
believe (he would touch a Man for the World — at leaft 
not above once a Year; I'm fure I have found it (b ; 
and alas, what is once a Year to an old Man, who 
would do good in his Generation ? Indeed it's true, 
Mr. Carelefs^ it breaks my Heart ! — I am her Hulband, 
as I may fay; though far unworthy of that Honour ; 
yet I a.n her Hulband ; but alas-a-day, I have no more 
Tamiliarity with her Perfon — as to that Matter — than 
with my own Mother — ^no indeed ! 

CareL Alas-a-day, this is a lamentable Story; my 
Lady mull be told on't; (he muft, i'faith, Six Paul \ 
'tis an Injury to the World. 

Sir P. PL Ah! would to Heaven you would, Mr. 
Carelefs; you are mightily in her Favour. 

CareL I warrant you ; what. We muft have a Son 
fo*me Way or other. 

Sir. P. PL Indeed, I fliould be mightily bound to 
you, if you could bring it about, Mr. Carelefs. 

Lady 



i64 THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

hstdy PL Here, Sir Paul^ it's from your Steward, 
here's a Return of Six Hundred Pounds ; you may 
take Fifty at it for the next half Year, 

i^Gi'ves bim th^ Letter^ 

S C EN E IX. 

[7<>/^r/tt] Z^/v/Froth, Cykthia, 

Sir P. PL How does my Girl? come hither to thy 
Father— poor Lamb ! thour't melancholic. 

Lord Fr^tL Heaven ! Sir Paul! you amaze me, of 
all things in the World — You arc never pkafed but 
when Wf6 arct all upon the brpad Grin ; aU Laugh, and 
no Com >any ; ah, then 'tis fuch a Sight to fee fome 
Teeth — 5ure you're a great Admirer of my .Ladj 
Whifier^ Mr. Sneer^ and Sir Laurence Loud^ and that 
Gang. 

Sir jP. PL I vow ai|d fwear, ihe*9 a very rtoiy 
Woman; but I think ihe laughs a little too much. 

Lord jPro^^. Merry! O Lord, what a Chara^ex 
.that is of a Woman of Quality. — ^You have been at 
ray Lady Wbifler^s upon her Day, Madam ? 

O^nth. Yes, my Lord.— I ip.ull hvjiniour this Fool ! 

\Afidc. 

Lord Froths Well and how ? liee ! What is yoiir 
£enl£ of the Converfat'on ? 

Cynth, O, moll ridiculous ! a perpetual Concert of 
Liaughing, without any Harmony; for fure, my Lqixi, 
to laugh out of Time is as difagreenb^c as to hn^ out 
of Time, or out of Tune. 

Lord i^r^/i^. Hee, hee, hee! right; and. then, my 
Lady JVhifler is fo ready — ihe always comes in three Bars 
too foon — And then, what do they laugh at? l-o^ 
you know laughing without a Jclt is as imperti- 
ncntr-hee! as, as — 

C^nth. As darning without a Fiddle. 

Lord Froth. Juft, i'faith ; that was at my Tongue*s 
End. 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 165 

"Cynth, But tliat cannot be properly faid of theno^ 
for I think they are all in Good-nature with the 
World, and only langh at one another; and you muft 
allow they have all Jells in their Pcrfons, though they 
have none in their Gonverfation. 

Lord Froth. True, as Tm a Perfon of Honour— 
For Heav'ns fake, let us facrifije them to Mirth a 
little. [E^rer Bty, and whffers Sir Paul. 

Sir P. PI Gads lo!— Wite, Ulfe, my Lady Plyafit^ 
I have a Word. 

LadyW. I'm bufy, SifPaul; I wonder at your Im- 
pertinence— 

CareL Sir Paul^ harkye, I am reafoning the Matter, 
3^ou know— Madam, if your Ladyfhip pleafe, we wiH 
^lifcourfe of this in the next Room. 

' Sir P. PL O ho, I wifli you good Succefs ; I wifli 
you good Succels. Boy, tell my Lady, when (lie has 
iione, I would fpeak with her below. 

S C E N E iC. 
Cynthia, L/tt^Fkoth, I^ Froth, Brisk. 

Lady Frotlf. Then you think that Epifvde between 
Sujan the Dairy-maid and our Coach-man is not 
amifs ? Yc^i know, I may fuppofe the Dairy in Town, 
as well as in the Country. 

Brijk. Incomparable, let nic pefifh ! — But then, 
being an Heroic Poem, had not you better call him a 
Charioteer f Charioteer founds great , befides, your Lady- 
Ihip's Coachman having a red Face, and you compar- 
ing hirt to the Sun — and you know the Sun is called 
Heavet^s Charioteer, 

h^dy Froth. Oh, infinitely better; Pm extreamly 
beholden to you for the Hint ; ftay, we'll read over 
thofehalfa Score Lines again. [Pull 07tt a Pafer.^ 
Let me fee here, you know what goes before— the 
Comparifon, yoxx know. 
Reads.] For^ as the Sunjhines every Da^^ 

<S^, of our Coachman 1 mayfa^'"^ Brifi* 



i66 THE DOUBLE DEALER. 

Brtjk. I'm afraid that Simile won't do in wet 
Weather — ^becaufe you fay the Sun fliines every Day. 
Lady FrotL No, for the Sun it won't ; but it will 
do for the Coachman, for yoii know there's moll Oc- 
cafion for a Coach in wet Weather. 
Brijk. Right, right ; that faves all. 
Lady Froth, Then I don't fay the Sun fliines aJl the 
Day, but that he peeps now and then ; yet he does 
fhine all the Day too, you know, thougli we don't 
fee him. 

Brijk. Right i but the Vulgar will never compre- 
hend that. 

Lady Frotb, Well, you (hall hear— Let me fee. 
Reads] For^ as the Sunjhines every -O^rj', 
So^ of our Coacoman I mi^Ji^^ 
Hejherjos his drunken^ fiery Face^ 
Jufi as the Sun docsy more or lefs* 
Brljk. That's right, all's well — more or kjs. 
Lady Froth reads. 
And fudhen at Night his Labour* s done^ 
J'hcn too, like Heaven's Charioteer the Sun : 
Ay, Charioteer does better ! 
Into the Dairy he defiends^ 
And there his Whipping and his Driving emls ; 
^txre hcs fecurefrom Danger of aBUk^ 
His Fare is paid him^ and he Jet i in Milk, 
For Sufan^ you know, is T'betis ; and fo — 

Brijk, Incomparably well and proper, egad— But 
I have one Exception to make— Don't you think Bilk. 
(I know it's good Rhime) but don't you think Bilk 
and Fare too like a Hackney Coach-man ? 

Lady Froth, I fvvear and vow, I'm afraid fo — And 
yet our Jehu was a Hackney Coach-man, when my 
Lord took him. 

BriJk, Was he? I'm anfwered, lijehu was a Hack- 
ney Coach-man. — You may put that in the marginal 
Notes though, to prevent Criticifm — only ^la^k it 

with 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. 167 

with a fmall Afterifm, and fay, ** Jehu was formerly a 
** Hackney Coach- man." 

• Lady Froih. I will ; you'd oblige me extremely, to 
write Notes to the whole Poem. 

Brijk* With all my Heart and Soul, and proud of 
the vail Honour, let me perilh f 

Lord Froth. Hee, hee, hee ! my Dear, have you 
doiie? — ^VVon't you join with us ? We were laughing 
•at my Lady PPhifler and Mr. Sneer, 

Lady Froth. Ay, my Dear — were you ? Oh filthy 
Mr. Sneer! he's a naufeous Figure, a mod fulfaniic 
Fop, foh! — He fpent two Days together in -going 
about Covent'Garden^ to fuit the Lining of his Coach 
with his Complexion. 

Lord Froth, O filly ! yet his Aunt is as fond of 
him, as if (he had brought the Ape into the World 
herfelf. 

Brijk, Who, my Lady Toothlefsf O, (he's a mor- 
tifying S|>e*flacle5 (he's always chewing the Cud, like 
an oXaTeiv, 

Cynth. Fie, Mr. Br'^ ! Eringo is for her Cough. 

Lady Froth. I have feen her take them half chewed 
out of her Mouth, to laugh, and then put them in 
again — ^Foh ! 

Lord Froth. Foh ! 

Lady Froth, Then (he's always ready to laugh, when 
Sneer offers to fpeak — and fits in Expectation of his 
No- Jeft, with her Gums bare, and her Mouth open— 

Brijk. Like an Oyfter ^t low Ebb, egad— ha, 
ha, ha I 

Cynth. \^Afide,'\ Well, I find there are no Fools fo 
inconfiderable in themfelves, but they can render other 
People contemptible by expofing their Infirmities ! 

Lady Froth. Then that t'other great trapping 
Lady — I can't hit of her Name ; the old fat Fool, that 
paints fo exorbitantly. 

Brifi. I know whom you mean — But, deuce take 
HJC, I can't hit of her Name neither— Paints, d'ye fay? 

Why 



great Huftil, iMt-bri^es ^^Bvovgh ir. mkA ^iD^'ber 
lMll^«•4f4ftw«l^f^del^Irith Lime tod Hair, fet 
m^penH^' -' ;' - ■ - • 

Brifi^. He! egad, fo I did-Mj Lonl can ftig ir. \ 

Qonb^. O good my Lord,, let's hcsjr it. 

Bri/k Ti* lit^ii Soi% ueitbef — It's ^foit of Epi- 
gram, or father an .Epigraroina^ic Sonnet ; I don't 
know what to. call it, but it's Satire* — Sing ir, my 
lo^ 1 -•• — - 

i. Lord /Vni^ fingk 

- i?a>iw Shoij^ bwt there's Sadt in'tf'mf \vfiy itiF 
Writing, egad. : ,. ■ I 

, . ;iS CE N E XL 
\T9 them\ Footman. 

Lady Froth. How now ? 

Footm. YovnlfadjrfkipyChiVTis^come. 

Lady Froth. Is Nurfe and the Child in it ? 

Footm. Yes, Madam. 

Lady Froth. O the dear Creature! let's go fee iu 

Lord Froth. I fwear, my Dear, you'll fpoil that 
Child, with (ending it to and again fb often ; this it 
the Seventh Time the Chair has gone for her To-day. 

Lady Froth. O law I I fwear it is but the Sixth— 
and I han't feen her tbefe two Hours.— The poor dem- 
Cr^^nlre!— I fwear, my Lord, you don't love poor 
Httle Saffho. — Come, ray dear Cynthia^ Mr. Brifi^ 
well go iee Bapfhg^ though my Lord won't. 

3 Qff^h. 



THE DOUBLE DEALEIU i6r 

"C^tb. ril wait upon your Ladyflsip. 
Brijk. Pray, Madam, how old is Lady ^appbot 
Lady Froth, Three Quarters; but I fwear flie has % 
World of W\Xy and can fing a Tune already. My 
Lord, won*tyou go? won't you? What, not to fee 
Sapht Pray, my Lord, come fee 4ittlc Sc^b. I knew 
yoti could not Hay* 

SCENE XIL 

Cynthia, alone. 

*Tis not fo hard to counterfeit Joy in the Depth of 
Afflidion, as to diflemble Mirth in Company o£ 
Pools 1— Why ihould I (»U them Fools ? The World 
<danks better of them.; for thefe havfe Quality and Edu- 
cation, Wit, and fine Converfation, are received and 
admired by the World — if not, they like and admire 
themielves !— And why is not tliat true Wifdom ? for 
'd» Happinefs ; and, for aught I know, we hare mit. 
applied the Name all this while> and mi^aken the 
Thing: fince 

If Happinefs in Self-content is placd^ 

The IVife are i^etched^ and Fools onl^ Uef^di ■ 



END OF THE THIRD ACT. 



Vol. I. tt ACT 



a70 Tr«E DOUBLE ^EALSIL 

ACT IV, SC E N E I. 

Mell^fon^t, CYNrmA. 

^u/h,'T Hc2Lrd him loud as I came bythe Cbfi^- 
X door, and my Lady with him ; but fhc leemed 
to moderate his Paffion.^ 

Mel/. Ay, (Hel! thahk her!) as gentle Breezes mo- 
-^erate a Fire ; but I ihall counter-work her Spelk, and 
jride the Witch in her own Bridle; 

Cynt/j. It is imt)offible; fhe'll caft beyond you itill-«? 
1*11 lay my Lifcj' it will never be a Match* 
- JIM, What? 

Cyyith^ Between you and ine. 

MeU. Whyfo? 

Cyntb, My Mind g^Ves me it wotft— bccaufe we are 
both willing; we each of us ih-ive to reach the Goal, 
and hinder one another in the Race ; I fwear, it never 
,does well, when the Parties are fo agreed — for when 
People walk Hand in- Hand, there's neither over- 
taking nor meeting* Wc hunt in Cduples, where wc 
both purfue the fame Game, but iPbrget diic another; 
and 'tis becaufe we are fb near, that we don't think of 
iX)ming together. * 

MeU. liura ! egad, I believe -there's fomething in 
It — Marriage is the Game that we hunt; and while 
we think that we only have it in View, I don't fee but 
we have it in our Power. 

Cynth. Within Reach ; for Example, ^ve me your 
Hand. You have looked through the VTong End of 
the Perfpedive all this while ; for nothing has been 
between us but our Fears. 

MctU 



I 



.TilEAl3l©UBJ.B RE A fi Elfc Jft , 

J^Jeli. I don't know why we (hould not fteal out of 
the Houfethis vety Moment, and marry one another; 
Without Confidcration, or the Fear of Repentance* P6x 
t)n Fortune, Portion, Settlements, and Joiiitures ! 

Q'tit/j, Ay> ay, what have wt to do with them? yoa 
kiiaw, we many for Lpve^ . . ' ' - 

MelL Love, Love, down-right ve!y villainous Lovck 

Cyni/j, And he that can*t live upon Love, defervet 
\o die in a Ditch.--Hefe then I^jve you my Promife, 
m fpight of Duty, any Temptation of Weahh, your 
fecdnftency* or- my own IncIina^O;!^ ifo chfange--^ 
, >nMelL To rummqil Willfully and ujireafonS)ly awray 
with me this Moment, and bemarried. "^ 
^irCyvth, HokU-Never to marry any body elfe. 
^ MelL That^s bMt a Kind of negative ii^onfe^t—WTby, 
you won't baulk the Frc^k? ^\ :,.,/.., 

- C^nth. If you had ppi been^ ib a(rure4 Ojf your pwn 
Condudt, I WQ^rfd. not-f!But 'tis but Te^fonable tjitt, 
fince I confent to like a Man without the vileCqntide- 
tation of Money, he ihould give me a very evident 
Demonftration of his Wit% Therefore let me fee you 
tinderm^tie f»y Lady Toucf/wood, as yrfu boafted, and 
forxaBh^tagjvebcr Confent, and then— . 

I ^ MelL V\iAo\ 

.ri^/?^. Andini^pV . , : . ; ;; 

I Mcif^ iThis very i>cx!t enfuipg Hoar of ©ght a,(J!lock 
:.iti lif^Jaft MinutQof her p.eign, uniefctiie Devi] alljft 

: -J X^Hth^ . WcU, \i the Devil ihould aiEft her, a)*|d your 

Plot mifcarry-— 

:; ^MMt Av; whatram,! totruft to then ? 
•1:. ^itfAt Why, ifyxra give me v^iy clear D^mpiiftra* 
rftjDH that it wag die Devil, I'U aflovy; for irrefiliihlc odds* 

But if I find it to be only Chaice^ or De^pv, or Am- 
iluqky^iais, ocfa»»yrjhpngbut thejvefv.i^evil,^;!^ m- 
^.ewiibler Oaly ilijl I'll keep my AVor4j^' andli^ve a 
cMaidfp^ywr.fek^i , - . .. ^ ■ ,*^ 

H t' ' • ■ mi. 



^2 T^HE DO-CBLE'D,EJlLE^, 

Mell, And yoU won't die one, for your own ; fbiliH 
-there's Hope. 

Cynih, Here's my Mother-in- Law, and your Friend 
Careltfs ; I would not have them fee us together yet. - 

S C E N E IL 

Careless /r;?^ Ztfr^' Plyant. 

.'Lady PZ I fwear, Mr, Carele/s, you are very tii- 
luring— ^and fay fo many finie Things, and nothing is 
fo moving to me as a fine Thing. Well, I mull do 
you this JulVice, and declar-e in the Face of the World, 
never any body gained fo far upon me as yourfelf:; 
with Bluflies I mull own it, you have (haken, as I may 
fay, the very Foundation of my Honour — Well, fare^ 
if I efcape your Importunities, I (hall value myfelf as 
long as 1 live, I fwear. . . ., . 

&r^/. And defpifeme! [S^^^^^»3* 

Lady JPL The laft of any Man in the World, by 
jny Purity ^ now you make me fwear>—0 Gratitude, 
ibrbid! that I fhould ever be wanting in a refpeclfiil 
Acknowledgment of an entiuj Relignation of all my 
beft Wi(hes ; for the Perfon and Parts of fo accoin^ 

fliftied a Perfon, whofe Merit challeuges mu>:h more, 
am fure, than my illiterate Prajfes c&n defcripiion— 
Ctn-el, [lnli\x)hhim^Tonc,\ Ah, Heavens! Madam, 
yow ruin me wiih Kindnefs ; your charming Tongue 
purfues the Victory of ycut Eyes, while at your Fe^ 
.your poof Adorer dies. 
Lady PL Ah! very fine! 

CareL [Jtill 'uchimM^,'] Ah! why are you fo fait, 
fo betwitching fair? O, let me grow to the. Ground. 
here, and feai^ upon that Hand 1 O, .let me prefs it to 
'my Heart, my trembling Heart; the nimble Move* 
ment (hall inftruct your Pulfe, and teach it to alarm 
pefiie.— Zoons, I am almofl.at the End of my Cant^ 
Ulhe does hot yield quickly i \^Jfiiieu 

Lady 



\ 



TITE D O UB L E D E A t £ R. m 

ILady /*/. O that's Co paflionate and fine, I cannot 
Ifcar it — I am not f^fe if I Hay, and miilk leave you. 

Care/. And muft you leave me? Ratter let me lan- 
guifh out a wretched Life, and breathe my Soul beneath 
your Feet. — i mud fay the fame Thing over again, and 
cannot help if. [AfitP. 

Lady PA I fwear, I am ready to langulfh too — O 
my Honour ! whither is it-going? I proteil, you have 
-given me the Palpi^ation of the Hcatt. 
" '^n'K Can you bc'fo cruel? 

Lady PL O rife, I l)efeech you,' fay nty more tift 
you- rile — Why did yoa kneel (0 long ? I fwcar, I was 
ib iranfported, I ^d not fee in— Well, to (hew yoa 
Ijow far you have gained upon me; I aflure you, if 
Sir Patfl fbould die — nf all Mankind, there's none Td 
fooner iiiakc my fecond Choice. 

CarcL O Heaven! I can't out live this Night with- 
iVut your Favour! — I feel my Spirits luiiit, a general 
•Bampnd's over-lpreads nty Faoev a* ould dtnicUy Dew 
already vents through all my Pores, and will Tcr- 
morrow wa(h me for ever from your Sight, and drown 
T«e in my Tomb. 

Lady PL O you have conquered ! fweet^ mdting; 
moving Sir, you have conquered ! — ^What Heart of 
^larble can refrain to weep, ji^nd yietd, to fuch fad 
Sayii.gs? [Cn'es^. 

CareL [Jfi^^e*'] I thank Heaven, they are the- 
faddeft that 1 ever faid'<— Oh f-i— I fhall never contaiif 
Laughter I 

• Lady PL Oh, I yield myfdf all up to your uncoii-- 
froulable Embraces !— Say, thou dear, dying Many., 
when, where, and how?— Ah! there's Sir PW/ 

CareL *Slife, yonder's Sir Pi?«/j bur, it he were not 
come, I'm fo tranfporied I tannot fpeak — This Note 
VBtill. inform you. [Gives txr a Note4 



H Jr. SCENE 



."'- '" ' '■--' • V •■ ^-.T ^.M v.. :. ^ ;. \ vSa 

S/i' F. P/, Thou art thy. t^der lAmbkhi^ «iAl#ate 
dp %vba^ th6ii ii'ilt I^^Btit cfa<Jeafvdtu t9^ forgcic' ifca^ 
•l/J-%^?K7r''= •' i '-• ' • ' ;■ * '' ^ ■? . :^; . • ri v. r-; 
^•Cyhiif: I ti'onld bbey yo4i to my Pc«i?er,J^ Sir; but,^ 
I have not. hi !n, I have fwDWi nevef lb ftiajrfyi ^ i: ^^ 
K Sir P. Pf, ; Never td many ! Heavciis ferbi<f4 muft 
I neither h^ve Spns norGranmbtMi ? muft the^Failiily^f 
the Ply^ti he u«<^Ty extiHa, for Warn of liUje Mile. 
Chlmisrety! But did you fwear,' ^id that fiveet Grea* 
ture fwearr hai Hovjr darft yott (Wear without wiy 
C'onfent, h^? Gad^-bud! who am I? , ' ' 

• CyM, Pray, doi?t be angry, Sir ; • whtb 1 fwe^ I 
had 3but^Cbnfent; arid therefore I fwotei - - o 

Sir P. jP/, .Why then the revoking; my Cbnfeat 
does annul, or make of none £fie6i, ybur Oath, fo you 
may ahfwer it again«^Th^Xa\v will allow itv ' ^ ' 

Cytfth. Ay, birt my Confcicnce never Will. ■ • • * 
Sir P. PL Gabs-bud! no matter for thai: Con* 
icience amd Law never go together; you imlft not 
cxijcct that. ' 

• LadyP/. Ay, bur, Sir PauU Tco^ceivc, ifihe hs9 
rfworh, d'ye matk me, if Ihe had once fwora, it i| 
■fncft unchrilliari, inhuman, ahd obftene, diat ihc 
fliould break it. — Pll make up the Matfch agaib, ^be* 
caufe Mr. CareUfi faid it would oblige him. \JijidK 

Sir P. PA Does your Ladjrfhip conceive fof-^ 
Why, I was of that Opinion once too. — NaV, *f 3:"^ 
Ladyftiip -conceives fo, I'm of that Opinion agiiin; 
but I can neither find my Lord nor my Laidy, to know 
wltat they intend. ;? 

• ' Lady P/. I am fatisficd that my GbuGn Mdkfont\m 
been much wronged, ' ^ > ' 

Cynih. \^AJideC\ 1 am aihazed to find her of our 
Side, for I ^m fure Aq lov§d biw. 



THE DGXTBLE 'Dl^AVXK^^ vyj 

L^dy PL I know my Ladv Twr^iwwte/ lias no 
Kmdnefs for him ; and befidcs I have been informed 
by Mr. Carele/s^ that Melkfont had never any ihinir 
more than a profound Refpc«5t — That be has oimed-- 
hipifelf to be my Admirer, 'tis true ; but he was- never 
fo.prefumptuous to entertain any dlOionourable No* 
tions of Things; fo that if this be made plain-r4 don't 
fee bow. my Daughter can in Gjnfciencc, or Honour, 
or any thing, in the World- 
Sir P. P/. Indeed, if this be made plain, as my 
Lady your Mother fays, Child- 
Lady PL Plain I I was informed of it by Mr» 
Cfr^r/^i— and, I jiffure you, Mr^ Carekfi i»a Pcrfon-— 
that lias a moft extraordinary Refpedl and Honour foy 
you. Sir PauL 

CyfUb. [Afidt\] And for your Latlylhip too, I 
believe, or die you had not changed Sides lb Ibon— *• 
BOW I begin to find it. 

Sir P\ PL 1 am much obliged to Mr, C/ir^A/i, really; 
be is a Perfou that I have a great Value for— not only 
for that, but becaufe he has a great Veneration for 
your Ladyfliip, 

fLady P* p las ! no indeed. Sir Paui^ 'lis upom 
your Account, 

Sir jP. PL No, I proteft and vow, I have no Title 
to his Efte^m, but in having the Hoopur :o appertain 
k) fome Mcafure to your Ladyfhip ; that's all. 
. Lady P/- Q law now, 1 fwear and declare,' it ihan^t 
be fo; you're too modeft, Sir PauL 

Sir P^PL It becomes, me, when there is any Com- 
.jjariion ffiade between— 
' Lady PL O fy, fy. Six Paul J }Wll pjut me out of- 
Gountenance — Your very obedient aud afta'lionate 
Wife ; thaiV all — and highly honoured in that Title.- 
Sir P. PL Gads-bud, I am tranfpprted ! Give mc 
Leave to kifs your Ladyfhip's Hand. 
Q.yv/Z>wThiU my poor Fatherlhould.be fo very filly ! 

H-i^ft. ' Lady- 



176 THE DOUBLE DEALEIL 

Lady PL My Lip indeed. Sir Paal; I fwear, you 
Hi all. ^He kiffes bcr^ ajtd ^o^vs very hnv'. 

Sir P. P/. T humbly thank ygur Lad>-ihip.— 1 don't 
Xnow whether I fly on Ground, or walk in Air — 
Gat!s-bud, (he was ne\'er thus before — well, I muft 
own myfclf the moil beholden to Mr. Owir/f/i-7-as fure 
as can be, this is all his doing — fomething that he has 
faid; well, 'ris a rare Thing to bave an ingenious 
Friend. Well, your Ladyihip is of Opinion that the 
Match may go forward ? 

Lady PI. By all Means— Mr. CVw^i^j has iatisfied 
me of the Matter. 

Sir P. PL Well, why then, Lamb, you may keep 
jour Oath ; but have a Care of msddng rafti Vow?, 
come hither to me, and kifs Papa. 

Lady PL I fwear and declare, I am in fuch a twitter 
to read Mr. CarekJ?% Letter, that I can't forbear any 
longer— But, though I m^y readj^ all Letters firll b^ 
Prerogative, yet \\\ be fure to be unfufpcded thi^ 
Time.— Sir PW. 

Sir P. PL Did your Ladj (hip call } 
LadyP/. Nay, not.to mterrupt you^ my Dear- 
Only lend me your Letter, which you hiui from youc 
Steward To-day : I would look upon the Account again;: 
and, may be, increalc your Allowance. 

Sir P. PL There it is. Madam. Do you want a Pen 
and Ink ? [Be*ws^ and gives the Letter^ 

Lady PI No, no, nothing elfe, I thank you, Sir 
PauL — So, now I can read my own Letter under the 
G>verofhis. [^Jui*^ 

Sir P. PL He? And wilt thou bring a Grand:on 
at nine Months end — he ? a brave chopping Boyr — 
ril fettle a Thoufand Pounds a Year upon the Rogue 
as foon as ever he looks me in the Face ; I will, Gads* 
bud, I'm overjoyed to think 1 have gny of n,^y Fa- 
mily, that will bring Children into the World; for I 
would fain have fome Refemblance of myfelf in my 
Ptollerity: he! ny? Can't you contrive that Affair,. 

Girl? 



Iffiftce the yotinr Rogue as likie a^ you can. - . . V ' ' 

(3;/l/>i'. Tm gfed tp fee you fo iT^eity, Sir.^ * ' ''^' 
- -Sir P. P/. Merry ! Gads-biid, Pnf feri6u$; 'lirgive 
tfeee FiTc Hnndit^ l\)unds for eveiy'I^li ^f ^^^ 
that fefembles ine.' Ah this Eye, Ais left fij^eM' a 
Thoufartd' Poutids for this left 'Eyt:\/Th\i lliis ^on^ 
El^eirtion in its Time^ Oirl^v^iv tbovii taft rriy Leer. 
Hiilley^' Joft thy Father's Leer.— let' it fee Vranflhiue4 
to- the voung Rogue, by the Help of 'hitagin'jiltum'; 
Wtfy^ii the M^rk of btir Fjimilj/, Tfy;;p\^t^6ur^is 
diftin<4iiifhed by a languifhing Eyc^, as the Hpxile of 
Jikyfridiihy^ thicic Lip.— Ah! when I was of^yc(ur 
A^, 'HulTey, I would have held fitt)» to'tjnef t cbulcl 
h^ve drawn niy own^^tlure.--G.ids-blid^T:i!:oiiJ(J h^ve 
dorie-^not fo^ inCich as ybu neither— ^but—nay» dotY 

biafh- •-■ '^ ^ ^ -• -•■ '- • ^:'-^ •- •-■ ^n 

^.Q;«/^.^I^don't blufh,' Siri for,: 1 voV, TMoii*^ 
un^rftand-^ ^^ " ' ' "' • / < '';, ^':,^ 

Sh-P. P/. P(ha\\>, pfliaw^ you fib, . you B|ggilgc;' - 
you do jinderlland,- and j'ba'fhali und<5rllaad; coiSc/ 
dtJti't be' lo nice; Gacfs-bxul, (ibh^t leafA •at*(ei' vijfuj:^ 
Moth#iri-Ltiw'my Cady here:' M??m\ Heaven 'for-, 
bid that yoii fhouW foflow her Exa^^le ! ' il^i^t >V;o\jld^ 
Ipofl all indeed. Blefs us, if^;pu (hould'tiike a V"a{i;^:Y5V'• 
atf^ lii^kc a rafh k^ulution; brf'your'WdddiiSg-Hight,* 
to'die a M-^id, as (he did'; all were ru^^ie^^; itU ru^" 
Hopes loihii-iMy^ Heart wbufrf'ti'eafr,:'artd YiVy.EWe. 
wbujd be left to the wide Word, he ?' I hcipe 'yduare; 
a* better CbrilHan than to tKijik pf Jiving ^if^JuiiV he'f* 
Ahfwcr pe. ' '• ; ; » - 

-t>//ill>. rtri all' Offedi^nce; SJr,^;i6 'y^lir Com,-' 
mandsi' , - '".'"*• ' ^^".\- '■ 

Carelek!\ I fwear, he" wfites charmingly, iad hefjoots''^ 
cHarming!^ 

charmed '.,.., _ ^ . 

\yi\kPu%^6:siki ''& CflmiHc.l I ho^jc 1 -, 

vl..«> - He . • fcca^ 




T7V /if it^, D u B t r' ri fe A L e R? 

fcea both L(ttcr§, t^w/j /^ ./-^(/«r i^/j^i^^ 4^» f;i^! 
ghi$ihiin Ij€^ iHi%,]-— Sir Z**?*^ iieres your I^^ttei' ? [ 
'Jl^Q^iHorrow .Mpming I'll .fettle Acc;om^ tjp j^our ' 
AdraaMgcui.i , ' ., ' \ .!/ -^^ ^■■..; 

/•.• y ■:'• ' . .f72^&;«] Brisk.--/ ' " i ■-'^"■•' 

^ri/^f Sit PauLi Gsiids-bad youVe an iindvil Perfoivi 
let me t^X >0Uy and all that; and I did npt think >|t ttasi 
beeninyou.' . , 

Six ^. Fh O Law ! what^s ihq Rlattcr now ? I hope'* 
yrpM ^e not angry, Mr. l^njki ^ ,, 

J?r^>f. Deuce take me, I believe you iftteo<l to^ 
many your Daughter yourfelf ; you^re always brood-* 
ing over her like a^is old IJen, as if (be were not well 
luitchedy egad, he? 

Sir P» PL Good; ilrange ; Mr. Bri/k Is fuch a merry^ 
facetious Perfon, he» he^ he! No^ no, I have done with 
her, I have done with her now. 
.. Bri^' 1'he Fiddles have ftayed this Hour in the 
Hall, atid my Lord -Pr^/^ wants i Paftner/ we caM' 
nifever begin without birr. • ' . , 

Sir P. Pf. Go, go. Child, go ,* get you gbne, dmj ' 
dancie,; ahd,*!b^ meriy ^ 1^ ^come stod look at you by 
and by]— Where's my Son JJi'^y^^ ^ "^ ' -^_ 

^ Lady Ph 1*11^ fend him to *thei|i : I know when/* 

he 18. ' •"''^' " '. '^ ' ':" " •' ' ■ '"' ■■■•-'^ 

]6ri/{^^ Sir Pfi»/,wijl you fend Ctfff/(/? into the Hall/" 
if^you meet hitn? \ '- 

S^P.Pi: 1 \^ll, Iivill; ril go aiid Idok for him 

So, now they are all gone, and I have aa Oppqr- 
fprtunity to praftifc-^Ah ! my dear Lady Froi/jf 

She's 



T'Hfe' Ifbtf B L E^ 15 E A L E R.' 17^ 

She's a mod engaging Creature, if (he were not fo-' 
fond of that dami^ coxicombly Lord of hers ; and j?et' 
I aih forced to allow him Wit too, to keep in With-' 
him. — No Matter, flic's a Woiiian of Parts, and, egad,^ 
Parts will cany her. She faid, (he would follow m6" 
into the Gallery^Now to make my Approaches — ' 
Hem, hem ! Ah Ma- (h<n\:s) dam !— Pox on't ! why- 
fliould I di (para we my Parts by thinking what to fay ? 
none but dull Rogues thinks Witty Men, like rich 
Fellows, are always ready for all EJcpences ; while' 
your Blackheads, like poor needy Scoundrels, aii» 
forced ro examine their Stock, and Forecaft the Charges^ 
<jf the Day. H^re (he comes vVW ftsem rtot fo fee her, ■ 
and try to win her with a new airy Invention -^DfiHyr 
«wn:'hem! - \ ' ■" '^■■ 

S C E N E VII. 

Tmjtck iv'uh hflnn^ ha, ha, ha ! pr]yth:€ com cu-e me 
V^'Jk'k "iMit/jy &CC. — O ye Powers ! O my Lady FrjtJb ! 
my Lady Froth ! my Lady Froth! heij^ho ! break my » 
Heart ; Gods, I thank you. 

> \Jitands ptufing^ ivuh his Arms acrojs* 

Jjady Froth'. O Heaveiis, Mr. -Srj/iJ/ What's th^' 
Matter ? 

Bri/k. My Lady Frotb ! your Ladylhip's moft 
humble Servant.— The Matter, Madajn ? Nothing, 
Madam, nothing at all^ egad. I was fallen into the 
moft agreeable Amufement in the wfeolc Province ot 
Contemplation: thai^s all. — V\V feem to conceal my \ 
Palfion, and that will look like Refped. ^ [rAjld^^ 

Lady Froth. Blefs me, why did you call out upon 
me fo loud ? 

Bri/k. OLord! I, Madaiil! I bcfeech your Lady. 
Aijp— when? 

H 6 Lord 



C&> laMHDOaJBLR DCEALEiR; 

.. il^ldfr JHrbr^iw Juft oow^as I ^aiae io, biefs ine! 

J&r^. Not I, let me periih!— But did I? Unmgel 
Xeo^tchi yoUr Lad)dSbip was in my Thoughts; ai& I 
was in a Tort of Dream, that did in a manner preient a 
very pleaiing Objed to my Imagination : but — but did 
I indeed? — ^To & how LtfVQ, and Murder will out. 
But did I really name my Lady Froth? 

Lady i'r^/i6^ ThrteTin)€S aloud, as I love Letters!-^ 
But did you talk ot Love ? O Parnajfus ! who would 
luuxe thought Mr. Bri/k caM have been in Love, ha, 
ha, ha! O Heavens! I thought you could have no 
Midreis but theNtae Mufes. 

'^ Bff/i* No more I have, egad, for I adore them all 
in j^urLadyihiiv-^Let m&peiilh, I don't know whe- 
di^ tohelUi*iietic0r atryupoD^r the Dencd take me 
^^l iatt 'teh tvhethcr^I am 1^ or fotry thskVyeoi^ 
l^adyfhip'h^ iiibfae the Dilcovciy^ I 

Lady /VA^. ^O'be TOcrry,^ 1^ all mcan^-^Frince- 
Folfcius in LxHre! Ha, ha, ha! . - . ' 

Eri/k. O barbarous, to turn rac into Ridicule ! Yet, 
ha,: ha, ha ! The D^uce take me, I can't help lai^hifag 
myfelf, ha, ha, ha; yetv by Heatens, I bave a vS&*^ 
lei^t Pfiffiott for yotir Ladyfwp, feribuify. 

Lady Froth. Scrioully? Ha, ha, hi'" !. -v 

Brijk. ^^'v6\x^Y^ ha, ha, bar! Gad I have} for all 
Jiaugh. -•-■-- ■■:'- ' ~ .-.•■'-.] .•-- ■:..;j 

L'ddy Froth. Ha, ha, ha! What doyouihfelcl' 
laugh at? " ' '' 

Bri/k. Me, egad, ha, ha ! ? 

Liidy Froth, No, the Deuce take me- if I d^nt 
laugh at myfelf; for hang me if 1 have not a tioleiit v 
Paflion for Mr. BriJkyh'Siy hayhia! 

•Lady 2^r(?/^% Serioiiily^ ha, haiiwi ^v; x -r-i ;. 



THE DOrUHUB JOEaLUW ci9Bi 

i£rij^. ThatV tretl Enough r 'let' trie peri^ NjkyJ^hav 
ha ! O miraculous ! what a happylXfc)ycl7'^''^Aiif 'Afity 
die^t charming hp^ Froih t i •' • ■ • A I .vv\'A 
. Lady Fro^Ji^ O^my afdoreij^MfV dv)^/i :t£>*i^«aci 

.■ !'H .:-.:vf :■ -. ' . ... : . ..'■„■••.. i- 'Hi: n ni h),; t 
\y,L ^f'ti — ). . ■. .it:-; .' i, •■: ■ . .jjO v;.: .:i\^. riyt 
V.:. i'lV/ ■:.:.!/ 8 'e--E-^^E' Vai .■'■l--b.->h::i [ 

— ' ; -[f^ /^v»]^ I;9>v/ Fr'O T*H%^-^^ • V ■: ..T 

' u /■ : '■ . • • ^. ■: : - ..■;;• -I 1 t ,;u / Ijrn j.kJ 

,;.Lordirr#^(&*Th(&, Company ate jiit r^4y;rH-Hfo» 

UQWt?':-^ :...,,■ '.-"^ : •.:.! •/!.. Mm ! t,J ,, i 

Brljk. Zoons, Madam, dieltViDy Lord.. : i- >-* 
'i^: ...-J -. - : ■ ^-i .1 ^ ,/ .: : • -> .- {S^ifij^uher. 

. l^dy FrMth^ T^e bq Noticc-44MH ^bferfei iiTKHr^ 
|j{q\^:teaft oft'laad meet v liie/at.thc Jdw€it ^ih) of ^h<5 
BS^pniif .Jind^n joiit Hbnd8;agai» ^ Icoilfditq^ 15n>? 
lx)ixi this Dance purelyj bjltlvoiy, Mir« -B/#^:Ia<?4«V 
t^U b<Hv to c6i©e fo near any odher Wfeui. O, her^'a.ftiy 
Lord ; now you Hiall iee ifte d<J it IfcVith. him..:- a\'\ >^T 

; [ Tf^pi'etend taprafiije Part af^ Omrihy JD^fike. 
r Lord Frt^hilAfide,] Oh, I fee them's no ijurm; yet 
4-But I don't like this 'Familiarity. • ■ <• 

Lady F;y;/^ Shall you land I dptmr -dio^ i^nce,^' 
to ihew Mr. ^ri/* /» . ^ v/ y ; i} : \ ^'; /: ,. 

iLw-S Froih. ^Noy^.n^y Dealt, \dg^ it J^itb him.. .. 

Lady Frotb. I'll do it with him, my Lord,,.Mjbett\ 
yf>aare^cut of thejWky. .;: ' ' .T' ^ •.:.i 

J5r j/^. That's good, egad, that's good. — ^Deuce .taj^e;} 
me, 1 can hardly hold laughing in tds Face; " [^[fii^e. 

IjQtrdFrctk Any other Time, my Dear; oi^ we'll . 
dancfe it bebw. ; : . v, ^^^ 

I^idy FrotL With Hll^yHcm. ^ r ,' ,• , ' r/\ 

BrrjL Come, my Lord, 111 wa^t' pftj,^^-^,^ ' 
cljarming, witty Angel! , ; r.\y\\Xph?X* 

Lady Froth. We (hall have Whifpering-time 
enough, you know, fince we are Partnei-i. 

SCENE 



i8i THE DOtTBLfi DEALEir. 

S C E N E VIII, 

Ld^ PlYant and Cah bless. 

jLadv Pliant. O Mr. Careh/s ! Mr. Carelefsl Tur 
tuinecfy I am undone ! 

CareU What's the Matter, Madam ? 

Lady Plyanu O, the.unluckell Accident I I'm afraid* 
I flian't live to tell it you. 
. Card* Heaven forbid ! what is it ? 

Lady PlyanU I'm in fuch a Fright ; the ftrangeft 
^andary and Premunire I I'm all over in an univer* 
fal. Agitation, I dare fwear (ivery Cinumftance o^ me 
treipbjes.T^O your Letter ! your Letter \ by an unfor-- 
tunate MilUke, I have given Sir Paul your Letter in- 
llead of his own. 
♦ Card That was unluck}-*- 

Lady P^ant. O, yonder he comes, reading of it ;- 
for Heavens fake ilep^ in here^ and advife me quick^y^ 
beibre he fees^ 

S C E N E IX. 
Sir V AV L, "Mith a Letter^ 

^x PL P^anu O Providence! what a Confpiftcr 
l^ve I difcovered ! But let me fee to make an End 
Oii^t.-^C R^aJs) Hum !— ** After Supper, in the Ward- 
** robe by the Gallery, If Sir Paul (liould furprize us^ 
•* I have a Commimon from him to treat with you 
** about the very Matter of Fact."*^Matter of Fadt! 
Veiy pretty ; it feems then I am conducing to my own 
Cuckoldom : why this is the very traiterous Pofition of 
taking up Arms by my Authority, againft my Per- 
fon ! Well, let me fee—'* Till then, I languifh in Ex- 
•*pe6Vation of my adored Charmer. Dying ifcdCarekJsJ*^ 
Gads-bud ! would that were Matter of Fa^ too ? Die 
«nd be damned, for a yudas Majcaheus^ and I/lariot 
both. O Friendihip! what art thou but a Name? 
Hencefoi-ward let no Man make a Friend, that would 

not 



\ 



THE iJOOBLt bBALt'*; i8i 

fiotbe a Cuckold .:jFor whomfoever he receives into 
his Bofotn, will find the Way tolits Bed, and there 
return his C^ro^s wUH Intereik to his Wife^i Have I 
for this been pinioned Night after ^Jight for tlrree Yeafs 
{Kift? have 1 been fwathed^ in Qlanketsi'tiifr haver 
been even deprived of l^otion ? JiaVe f %)^t/ir<mhpd^ ^ 
the Wfarriage Bed with Rfercrcnce ks to a fact ^a Shrme^ 
and denitamyfelf the Enjovment oftuwfdl domelnc 
Pleafures to prcftnre its Puruy ? ar^d mufl I cow fii\d 
it polluted by foreign Iniquity? O, my Lady P^anf^ 
you were chafte as Ice ; but you are melted nbw, iirid^ 
falfe as Water.--*But Providence has been conflant ta 
me^ in difcdvcfihg; t^is CJonipiracy ! liill I aiii be- 
holden to Providence ; if it were not for f^royidenccj 
furie, p<k)rSirjPrt«/,ihy Heart would break i 

s c E N E x: " 

/!- [Tt> him] La^VhrAWT^ 

Lady P^ttnu So Sir, I fee you have read thd LeN 
ter. — ^Well now, Sir Paul^ what do you think of your 
YrknA Carele/s f Has he been treacWerous? or did you 
^ve his InfoIcnCe a Licence to, make a Trial of your 
Wife's fuip^fted Virtue ? Do you fee here ? {Snatches the 
LHfir\ )istnA)}get^ tdok, read it'!' G^d-s my Life ! 
irt thought it wdre fo, 1 would this MpiWept renounce * 
air Cdmmaiiication t^ith ypu. Ungrateful Monfler ! 
HcJ? Is itfo? Ay, i fee it!, a Plot upon my Honbur) 
yOUi-^gailH' Cheeks confefslt. Oh, where fhall wronged ' 
virtue liyVbr Reparation ! Pll be divorced thislnftant* 

Sir* PL^pant. Gads-bad, what (hall I fay? This 
is theilfan^lt Surprize \ Whyi don't know any thin^ ^ 
at all^ nt)r I don't know whether there be aiiy thing at ; 
aHlri the World, ior no. ' ' ^ - ' 

L^y Pfyakt,T thought J (fiould trjr you, fkjfe Man ! ^ 
r*<hkt il^vei- diflbmblied in' r^ Life: yfet, to liiaktf^ 
Ijrial of yoit, pretended to like that Mbhfter of Ini* 
♦jdity, CaraleJSy and found oiir that Contrivance to let 

you 



\ 



y6iife^4hw Letter ; ^vhich- how ! iih'4 was of ttitir' 
OWtrt'inHidng— Ido, Heathert, I do: fee ' mf* F^ite W 
iiri(yft?p1ir%e'dirorce«pit(^ntV. '''^ ' ;'''"' 

—1% <f0' amazed, and fo- ovefj o^ed,^ fh' afraid^ and W 
fori^^^BUt did ;J'oti ^Vt rik; thb ILetfei^oii jP(irp5I&'^ 

- Lddy P^vt;//: ' m 1»? ' Do y^ dobbfc* liit^, 9li«i^ 
SdP-dtt^i' I haVe*at>6ctfirt that'i :a KcJctbf i^ tK^CcStf-^^: 
mdhs^rHgo to himiiilhihtiy. ' ' ' ^ ' ' ;-' ?! 

Sir PA P^<f;f/; Hold; (lay; I befeech ybir Ei^lji!' 
-^Frh'fd oveijoyed, flay, III confefi all. '^ '\' • 

LajJy'iP^^^ What will you conftfsi ^(j^'? z' ' 

S'lv PL Flyant. WhynoW, as 1 hope to Bfe \f^v^,** 
Ihad no Hand in this L«tei*--N'ay heir nie, J W- 
fechyouf 'Lsrdyfhi^. ' The DevH 'take tnd'Tiow, if hr 
did dot >gdt>6jKmd my Gbniitilflfonl-i^H" 'I'dbfi^ Hfii;^ 
to do any more than fve^ki g(>dd/^ 
tne; gads-bud, oflly^fef poor Sir iPd«/-^rm an Jifert- 
laptifly or a y<j^xvj or what you pleafe^to call me. 
* Lady P/^v?«/. V/hy, is'iiofhere MSterof Fad? . 

SyvFl. Plyant. A^i but, by vour/OWJiJYirtii^ a|^^ 
Coniiricncy, that Matter of laa is jillhls owndomg-^ 

conferred i 




totffttfe^d^'i^i^i^.' 

coifte^;'"rih'eV<)r^/^i« comes ; I cannot b^r his Sighti-' | ;' 



S C ENE^ XI. ^ ^ / 



I5*t-^ S*r F^'i/, Tid giafd IVe^et'^ithyoit ; '^d^'' 
I have faid all I could, but cannot preitul — Then tnf^ 
Fridft&Mprto^^^Hi^hti^s ciirri^ alittl^^farther itttkfe.. 

Mattel—- '-^^^ 

V r i:jr' Sir 



VHE DOUBLE DEALEK i^f. 

Sir PI. Plynnt. Indeed! Wcjl, §ir.— ITl iiTcinblc. 
with him a littlci [-^^« 

Carch Why, faith, 1 hare in my Time known 
honeft Gentlemen abufed by a pretended Coynef^in 
their Wives ; and I had a Mind to try my Lady's V\x* 
tue — ^^nd when I could not prevail lor you, egad, I 
pretended' to be in Lore myfelf — but all in vain, (he 
would not hear a Word upon that Subjc6l. Then I wrote 
a Letter to her; I dou'f: Know what Effe^h thatwiU 
have, but Til be fure-to tell you when I do, thoirgh, by 
this Light, J.belicve^her Virtue is imj^gnable. 

Sir/V. Pjyanu O Providence ! Provi(fence ! What 
Difcoverics are here madei Why^ this is- better and 
more miraculous than the reft. ^ '^ 

Careh Whatdayou meair? 

Sir Ph l^iyarit. I can't tell you, Vta^ fo overjoyed ^ 
come along with me to my Lady, L canape contain 
myfelf; come^ my dear Friend. 

CareL So, fo, fo, this Difficulty's over. {/[/U04 

SCENE XIL 

M E L L £ F o N»T,. M A 8 K w L 1. L, from different Dooru 

Melh ^ajhwell! I have^ been looking for you-^ 
it is within a Quarter of Eight. 

,3j&^w. My Lady is jqft gone into- my Lord-s Clofet!' 
you had beft fteal into her Chamber before (he come8« 
and lye concealed there ; otherwife (he may lock the 
Door when we ara togetlter,, and you not aifily get in^ 
to furprize us. 

Men. He? You- fay true. 

Mafhw^ You- had bell makehafte; for, after (he has* 
made fome Apology to the Company for her own and 
my Lord's Abfence. all this while, (he'll retire to her 
Chamber inftantly. 

Mett. I go, this MDmeut.. Now, Fortune, I defy 
tbce. * 

SCENE 



if» THE DOUBLE DEALER. 
SCENE ZUL 

I confefi joa waj be aSowed cd be fecm^ in jour 
•ir» Opunoa ; the Appearaoce is ray Ur^ b«pt 1 hsvc 
zoAka-pnc to pbj, tBaciballfvii the Tables ; aai 
Wse coBwsibe Mhi dfeiC i imift mao^c 



SCENE XIV. 

f7# Aur] XjTi/ TOUCHWOOIU 

IjmATmtchw. Mi^ewdl^ yottareche BfanI wited' 
lOfinect* 

Mdffhj. I am hamr to be in die Wa^ of youf 
l^aiiip't Commaack. 

Lord Tpmhw, I have alwa3r9 fotfnd you prudent and 
cerefal b any thing that ms coacerncd me or 91J 
Bwniljr- 

AC^ku. Iwere irVillaineUe— 4amboiind,bvDut]^ 
and Gratitude* and oyoim IiKrlinatioii, to be ever 
jronr Lordftip** Servant. 

Lord Touchw. Enough— You are ray Friend; I 
kMiw it : Yet them has l^eo a Thing in your Knotr- 
kdge^ which has concerned mrnc^^y t£at you.have 
Amcealed from me, 

Af^/Jw. My Lord f , ^ ^ 

Lord Touclnv, Nay, I cxcufe your Friendfliip to my 
unnatural Nephew ilius .fai*^But I know you have 
been privy to his impious Deiigns upon my Wife. 
This Evening (he has fioid me aU 1 hier Good-nature 
concealed it as long as was poffible; but: he pcHercres^ 
ib in Villairty, thnt (he has told me even you were 
wearv of diiTuadiilg, him, though you have once adu* 
ally hindered him from forcing her. 

MaJkrM^ I am forry, my Lord, 1 cannot make you 
an Anfwer ; this is an, Occalion in which I would nut 
willingly be filcnr. 

Lord 



. Lord Touchy. I know yoii would excufe him— and, 
I know as well that you cannot. ' 

Mafiivj. Indeed J* was Jn Hop^s it tad been a youth- 
ful Heat, that might tiave feon Sbifed over ; but— 
• tord T^««%$<v» Say bb; ; /■ '> "' 'K >: T 

creafes dail)r. ^;n-^.:! 'a-/:^ f, u:iii -r!^' -h': .-.^^iiO) t^y^ 
Lord Tmchixj. How I Give me but Proof ofit, ocular 
Proof, that I niiy^julUyy day Dealing with hini ta 
the World ; iujd . (hare jji^ Fonui^s, ^^ , s 

Maflkv, O my Lord ! confider that is ifiard : he- 
^i; 'Timei^y Wofk upoi> hinf, '< Thebv f*ir mbta 
do it ! I iave profeifed an cverlalling Friendlkiptoi 

liord Touchw, He is youFFrie&d> asd'vi^ta^I'iJ 

i^'i»fi5«to^''Ifift|-^fi^rCd.>^ -'■■:/ .'.A-v..? >roJ 

. r Lwd Touchiij^ fSear uot' Ks Eifpbafure ; I* Willput 
you out of his and Fortune's Power ; and, for that'thoit 
^ 1&-Upuldufly' hWft, 1 mil febtfrethy iFidd^y" tp 
Khi^'and gi^e nsf Honour acver to owtt any Difba* 
very that }rou ftiall make me. Gan you gnrelmc a 
itfinonftratitre FrtJof ? Speakf. < 

\ intend^^tliis*$t^t%'tO)^^veftlnied all' Av^xo^rs^ 
to dilTuade him from a Deiigo which i^ibfpi^; and 
if I had not fuqceeded, to have i^ferjined your Ldrd^ 
Wl)c^f^wha«fkhqwi '. I A , - : 

' Lord 7«>iy;fAwv ithank-you. What i^ the YiUain^ 

'- 3fajkv* He h^asowniKd nothing to fne of latd; ahd 
what-i m^ati'dow,: is only a bare Su^icionof my own* 
|fjyb«fr>Lo!tWhip will meet, me a Quarter of aA Hour 
hetice^m-ei in thi^t Lpl^y by my Lady's fidUcham«> 
ber, I (hall be able to tell you -more* ; ; . . ;x 

-''^>lord T»«M(m : I ivill. - ; 

' Siajk^'i My I>«tyito yoiw>Lordfhip makes me da 
t fevere Piece of Juilic^, 

Lord 



\ 



Tire DOrFTE DEALE1C 



Lonl Tne^f'sr, I «3 br Ifcr^ and Kvani joor 



SCENE xr. 

MmSffm ^imsm Mnf ncj^cii wr Abbc keep Tooc^ 
iririb kcr Ai'i^wkwi — Ok. cjar fcrr Ixid vcie but 
Mpcattig DtsssM tins ILtt^^a^ wiik tzx Ezpcc^anoa* 
of wkv I i^ lee!— i£x, Ae case^Lkik ck» 
ikedrak what a MLae is ^uix reacr ft> l^ris^ oader her 

SCENE XVL 

Lady TsmcLm, It is £ig!^t s Cock: rythirts I 
ftooM kire £mnd him hoe. Wild iLxs not peopent the 
Hour of Love, oofflays the Time; fix to be dul^ 
fOD&asd, u too fkfw^ — 1 was 9oca£ngjoa of Ve^tGU, 

SCENE XVIL 
Ladf TofuCBwaoD amd Maskmej^i^ 
Mellitomt tt^(em^» • 

Mnajkwm I confettii TOQ oo fcpmch me when T lee ' 
joolKie bcfeie me ; frat it is it I fboold be ftill be- 
bind'haiMl, fiiU to be more and more indebted to 
jFour GooJods* 

Lady Toucfrj.\ You can cxcufe a Tauir too wcB, not 
to hare been to bhme. — ^A ready Anfwer (hews yoa 
wercprqwred. 

Mafiw, Guilt IS ever at a Lo&, and Confuiion 
ff«tis upon, it ; when Innocence and bold Truth aie 
always ready for Expreffion— 

Lady ToucfrM. Not in Loire. Words are the weak 
Support of cokLIndiflference ; Love has no Language 
tp DC. beard. 



TH^ lyOtJBLE DEALER^ ^^f 

THafiiv. Excefs of Joy has made m<; ftupid ! Thus may 
^iny Lips be ever clofed* (KiJ/es her,) And thus— Ob, 

who would not loie his Speech, upon Condition to 

have Joys above it ? 

Ij-jAy ToucIj^. Hold, let me lock the Door firil, 

'{Goes td the J^oor* 
Majk^jo, [JJiiic.'] That I believed; it was well I left 

the private Paflage open- 
Lady Touckhzv, So, that is fafe^ 
Mj^u. And fo may all yoiff Pleafiu'es be, and 

jTecret as this Kifs ! 

Mellrf, And may all Treachery be thus difcovered 1 

[Leaps mUm 
I ady 7i?jM-^u;. Ah ! [SJbrieks. 

MeM, Villain! [Offers to dra^\j, 

MaJM. Nay ;hen, there is but one Way, [Runs out^ 

T, S C E N E XVIIL . 

Lad^ Touchwood, MfiLLEffONT. Tj 

"' Mclhf. Say yon' (o, were you, provided for a£b 

fifcape? Hold, Madam; you have no more Holes to 

•your Burrow, Til i^n^ between you and this Sally- 

•port. 

Lady 7'/7«^/&<M4 -Thunder jftrrik^ thee; dead, for this 
Deceit ! Immediate Lightning bkft thee, me, and the 
Ayhole/World^lr^Qlv.! I could rack inyfelf, ,pl^y>lhe 
Vulturfi to my .own Hcprt, and gnaw it piecewmeal^ 
for not )x)dingtpfpe this Misfortan 

liellef. Be "patient ! 

Lady T^wri^i Be damned* 

Mtlkf. Confider, I have you on the Ho<Jk;you 
will but flounder yourfelf a-'weary, and be nev^rthe- 
le(s my Prifoner. - 

Lady^<?«c^w, Wl iiold my Breath, anddie, but Til 
:.be free. -^ -, .,v; --. ' •- 

MeUef. O Ma4am,^ htiye^ Cau^lof dyiftg unpre- 
paied ; 1 doijbt you haye fome itjnrepented Sms, that 
may hang heavy, and retard your Fhght, 

Lady 



i<56 -THE » O IiaUE ttBTAim It. 

L^ Taucbw* 0\ vhat fitalM-do? fay, whithd* 
fliaU 1 turn ? has Hell no Remedy ? 

MiUtf. Hbhc^ Heli has fenred you even as^Jfeiittii 
has done, left you to yourfclf.**.You are in a kind of 
Erq/Sttus*s Paradifci yet, if you pleal<^ you may 
make It a Purgatory ; and, with a mtle Pejui^cc aod 
my Abiblution, all this may turn to good Accountv 

LadyTouciw. [-4^0 Ho W ii^ myPaffion;and 
foil, fall a littl^ thou /wiling Heant Let me have 
ibme Ihtermtffion tyf Uiis - Kage, and one Minute's 
Coolnefs to diffemble, [Si/e nverf>s% 

, Mfli^ Yoii have ; been to blame.-"-! like thofe 
Tears, and hope they are of the pureH Kind^r^pV"'* 
uenml Tears/ 

Lady T4fi^<:/>iV4 O, tJ^eS^ne W9« (hifted quick^ be- 
fore ipe-^-I had no4 Xiro^ ^P think.-^! was HirjMissed 
to fee a Monfter in ^Jie Qlaf% And now I ^nd'tis ;my- 
ielf. Cin you-bav^ ^ksrcy, to forgi^"^. the jfauks I 
Ifaviei iina^wl»:bMtiieycrput in Pradicei-r^ con- 
'iidcr,:iO0nlider hovjr ^tal^ou have; been, to me f yon 
have already kilted the Q^jiet of this Life. The hov^ 
of you was^hcfiril wandering Fire that e'er mifled 
my Steps 5 and, while 1 had only that in Vie\y, I^was 

ifeeir^i^into^unAoMghiHsf Way«io^ RuiiH : . ... 
Mel/rfl May 1 believe this true I , ; . , . , ^ 

Lady Touc/tm^O^ be not crueUy ipcrC!duk)U& I— rHoir 
«an: ycfU .doUbt d^efe ilrcanvag 5yes ?, Kie^p^thej fe- 

H vereft EyCi^^r all ^ny, (j^ur^. jCpt^di^ i andju l^J pn^ 
relapfe, let me not hqpq Forgivenefs ; 'twill ever be in 
V^ur ?0Vii& to fuiai|iev-**My Jj^pkJ ^M^ ^^ to. your 
beiires; I will myfelf create your jHappin^i^ and 
QftUhfa (hgU h^ this Night your Brid^r— Do but con- 
ceal my Failings, and forgive. . . ,, » 

, ra Mfjicfi Upon fucfe Tern^y I vr^\ \^ exj^yow^m 

-c^eiyihoncu Way..,; A . v:.;.j. -'-..? ^:i*"uu,A 



'^''" ^^M 



THE BOUBLE DEALfeR. 19* 

SCENE XIX. 

MasKwexl Jhfify tntroSuces Lord TotfCHWOOD, ani 

retires. 

MaJhiKl hare kept my Word: he*s hore,* but I 
TOuft not befeen, 

S C E T^ E XX. 

I^ady Touchwood, L^i ToucHwoorn^ 
Mellefont. 

Lord Touch^\x, Hell and Amatsement] (he's ia 
Tears. 

Lady Touclrjj, \Kneelitig^ Eternal Bleffings thank 
^011! — Ha! my Lord liltening! O! Fonune has 
A)'erpaid me all ! All, all's my own! \^Afi3c^ 

MeUef.^-xy^ Ibefeechvou, rife. 

Lady Toucb'M, [Aloud,\ Never, never ! Ill grow 
to the Ground, be buried quick beneath it, tt^ I^l be 
confenting to fo damned a Sin as Incefl ! unnatiiril 
Inceft ! 

M%CHa! • 

Lady Toucfrw, O cruel Man! will you not let me 
go? — I'll forgive all thatf^ pall— O Heaven! you wtH 
not raviih me? 

jlf^/i^ Damnation 1 

Lord 77>arirjy. Monfter! Dog] Your Life (hall ^* 
*ver this— ^[i>r^^i; aud'rihis at MeUefont, is hddh^ 
jL/r<^ Touchwood, 

IjsAy^mcbw. O, Heavens^ myLord! Hold, hold^ 
ibr Heaven's fake. 

Mellrf. Confufioa ! my Uncle ! O the damned 
Sorcerefs! 

Lady Touchy. Moderate your Hage, good my 
Lord! He's mad^ alas he's mad— indeed fc is, irty 
Lord, and knows not what he docs— -fee how wild 
helooks! 

McUrfl 



HE OOU«IJI I>CAL«&. 



SC<^ ff I Til ■■!■ ^1 f M-m ^ .- ^- ttJ Jl-_1 

\Bn. 

\joU. Tmrndnt^liatOL ham mf ^k^ tkoB EYing 
li^EMnri^iiijr Kjmt; vtat acn lice As Faoe^ Til 

ftelKHailtkeHc^ot Hdi bcr Serrsss. 

Ladf Tmdrs:, AIss, ke larcs ! talks tot Pocnj ! 
For naeH:s^i SolbC svaj, isr Lor^ ; belS dihex texii|)C 
yoo to EittJ f jyotc, oroomait ibrae himfeif 

i^c^ I>tjdi aad Ftfiici! vIZ yea doc hear me !-* 
Wlnr, hjHexwca, Ibe ia-^bi, gr^os, points to toot 
Bock; ibe Mks occ CiidLo'«jo<n wkn her Flx^exs, and 
joo're -funois^Honi'iDad after joar Foirjoe. 

lAsJbf iifMMgf fif tmrxi hack OJidfizlkj at hlau 

Loni imd^. I ion he's mad iDdeedw-^Let's iend 
MaJhoeU to htm* 

Ji^ZI^ Send bim to her. 

Lady T^mchas. dmie, come, good mj Lcid ; my 
Bcaftakcsib» I ibali fabit if 1 ilay. 

SCENE XXL 

Melcefokt tf/nr. 

' O, Icouldairfc my Stars, Fate, andOsaiioe; att 
Caufef and Accidems of Fortune in tbis Lilb ! But to 
v/haz Punjofe? Ycr, 'ideatb, for a Man to bsve the 
Fruit of all his Induihygrow full and ripe, ready to 
drop imo bis Mouth ; and jud when be hdds one his 
Hand tojother it, to have a fudden Whirlwind oome, 
tear up Tree and all, and bear away the very Root and 
Foundation of his Hopes ! What Temper can contain ? 
They talk o( fending Mafkwell to me ; I never had 
more Need of him— But what can he do ? bnaginatioa 

cannot 



THE DOUBLE DEALER. \ 1931 

•tnnot form a &irer and ma»ipiaiii^ble Defig^ than 
Aai df^ius, which has^iKn&aipecl^-rP. jiiy fsmdouM 
Aunt! lihan never thme, without Ideal with the 
:l)^l,-oranoil)erWainaikii. > j *- .t . , :* ,,.. j 

^< i V 'f c / '■ .- I i^Ui ft ni' ';,. -//^ . -, c/! on..,*. 

END OF THE r0UETH>4AC!rw , , . 

••- ' ■ -*^J I' .' .- ' '' .: „:. . , ,. i .^•■.; -:•■•)':: '^ • 



f 



Zo^ Tqi^chwoop, att4 Maskwe^l*. 

LADY Touchw. Was it not lucky ? 
J14^^, Lucky! Fortune is your own, ^nd 'tis 
her Intereft fd to be ; by Heav^, I belkfvfe yott ^ caa ' 
controul her Power, ancf fhefiiarsif.' Though ^Chance • 
brought myLprd, *twas y^ur own Art that turned it 
to Advantage, '" ^ ^ * 

Lady Touchvo. *T5s tn»e, it m|€ht have been my 
Ruin^r^Btit yonder*s niv X^rd» I believe he's coping 
rio find youj 111 not bip feen, , ' * 

V' ,'^ ■' - .' .scE,NE It ■ ■ •; ■■' •'■; 

' MASfcwetx;, a/w^ .... , 

V,6o; 1 durft not pwn my intnxfljcing itiy Lor^, 
tVqi^gh it fucceeded well ifbr her ; tor flic wbutd haVjs * 
Nfjj^pecied a Defign, which I Should have been puzzle^ 
tp excufe,-^ Wy Itord is thoiightful^-rM be 10 too;' 
yet he ifcall know my Thoughts ;. or think he doeft; * ' 
Vol. L I SCENE 



t^i THE DOV5LE DEALER, 

SCENE IIL 

{Tiifif^] Lord Tiivcawoo^. , 

Mj^. What have I done^ 

Lord Touchw. Talking to himfdf ! 

Mqfkw*^^^ iKNiefe-^^iid fratt I ht t8M«ded&r 
it ? No, 'tMras hODc^, 4h«i«roc« 1 ilmn'c^-fviy, fa<' 
ther therefore I ought not ; tor it rewards itfelf. 

Lord Toucbw. Unecjjualed Virtue ! {J§fuk^ 

Majkw. But Ihouldit be kniofrn ! Then I have loft 
a Friend ! — He was an ill Man» and I have gained ; 
forjialf nwfelf I lent hitn» and that I have recalled ; 
ibi haveierved m^Mii^mi, wl»t ts yet^bettor, I 
have (erved a worthy Lord, to whom I owe myfel^ 

Lord Tovcbwn Excellent Man ! \Jfide. 

Mq/k, Yet I am wretched. O, there is i^ Secret 
burns within this Breafl, which, ihould it once blaze 
forth, would ruin all, confume my honefl Charadler, 
and brand menvith the Name of VMkiB. 

Lord Touchw, Ha ! 

Mb^. Why do I love? Yet, H^vea and my 
waking Conicieoce are my Witndlcs, I. never gare 
eee workinjg Thought a Vent, which might difcover 
that I lovocT; nor ever mQiL No, let it pr^y upon my 
Heart ; for I would rather die, than feem once, barely 
facn, dtOfoaeft. Q, ihould it once be known I love 
fair VynihiOj all ^is that I have done would look like 
Rival's Malice, falfe Friendlhip to my Lord, and bafe 
Self-intereft. Let me perifh firft, and from this 
Hour avoid all Sight and Speech, and, if I can, all 
Thought of that pernicious Beauty. Ha ! But what 
is my Diflraflion dcHiigf I ^un wildly talking to my- 
iel^ stid (erne fUGhanoe might have diredted malici- 
CMS Ears tl^is Way- [See/m iojlart^ feeing m Lord^ 

Lotxl 7^<^. Start not-*let guilty and c^ihonefl 
Soiils ilart4it the JKevelation of tSeir Tlioughts ; but 
be tbenSxedi as is thy Viitue* 



THE DOUBLE DEALRR. 195- 

Majkvj, lam coafbunded, aad beg your Lordfhip's 
Pardon for thofc free Difcourfes whicji 1 have had 
ivith myfelf. 

LgM Toifchw. Come, I beg your Pardqn th^t I 
over-heard yoa, and yet it fhair not nped«-i-Honeft 
M^/kweU! my and my ^ood Oesius lod me bither-*- 
Mine, m that I have diAroveredib-much matUy Yir* 
tue ; thine, in that thou (halthave due ' Reward of alt 
thy Worth. Give me thy Haad— -ray Nephexv is 
the alone remaining Branch of all our aincieAt Family ; 
him I thu^ blow away, and conftltuie thee in his 
room to be my Heir. 

Majkw. Now Heaven forbid ! 

Lord TowcfAv, No more— *•! have Tefolved.-*Thc 
Writings are ready drawn, and wanted nothing but 
to be iigned, and have his Name inferted— }'ourf^ 
will fitl the Blank as well — ^I will have no* Reiply— 4?5t 
nie command this Time ; for *tis the laD:, in which i 
will alTunie Authority—* hereafter, you (hall rule Ythax^ 
1 have Power. 

Majhw, I humbly would petition-— 

Lord Touchix). Is*t for yourfelf ?— [Ma(k. faufis.} 
m hear of nought for any body elfe. ' 

Majkw, Thei) witnefs Heaven for me, this Wealth 
and Honour was not of my feeking, nor woqld I build 
my Fortune on another's Ruin: I had but dne 
Defire— . . ^ ' 

Lord Toitcbw, Thou (halt enjoy it — If all Vm worth 
in Wealth or Interett can purchafe, Cynthia^ fhe is 
thine. — IVn fure Sir PauVs Confent will follow For- 
tune; Fll quickly ftiew him which Way that is going* 

Majhw, You opprefs me \vith Bounty ; my (gra- 
titude is weak, and (brinks beneath the Weight,, and 
cannot ri(e to thank you.— What, enjoy my Love! 
For^ve the Tranfports of a BlelTmg fo unexpected, fo 
ixnhoped for, fo unthought of! 

lAxtATncchw. 1 wlU confirm it, and r^oice with 
thee* 

Iz SCENE 



196 THE d6uBLE DEALER. 

SCENJE;. IV. 

M A s K w E L L dlone. 
Thif is profperous indeed ! — Why let him find mc 
out a Villain, fettled.in PofMion of a fair Eibte, 
and MX Fraitionof my Love, Til bear the Railings of 
9 lofing Oamefter.«-'But flvpuld he find me out betore ! 
'tis dangerous to delay,— Let nie think — ^fhould my 
Lord proceed to treat openly of my Marriage with 
- Cynibiai all muA b^difcoverM, and MeUefont cai; be 
no longer btinded. — Jt muftnotbe; nay, (hould my 
Lady know it — ay, then were fine Work indeed ! , 
Her Fury would (pare nothing, though Ihe involved 
hc^lf in Ruin. No, it muft be by Stratagem— I 
' siDuO: deceive Mn^/tf once more» and get my Lord to 
cof^fentto my private Manageunent. , He comes op- 
portunely* Nov will I, in my old Way, difcbver the 
#hole and real Truth of the Matter tp him, that' he 
Jfeay not fufpctt one Word on't. , , .. .^, 
No Majk like ifen Truths to cover Lief i ' 
jii to ^ojnakeJ is the hejl DijgHiJe, 

S CE N E V. 

[To him] MEtLEFOIfT, 

. ; fliiM* O MaJhweU^ what Hope? I am confounded 
. in] ^^^ Maze of Thoughts, eadi leading into «one 
pother, aad all ending in Perplexity, My Uncle 
yill |K)t fee nor hear m^. 

jifdfi^^iV, No Matter, Sir; don*r trouble your Head ; 
all*s in my Power. 

Jttlelkf. How? for Heaven's Salwl 
Majkvon Litde do you think.that your Aunt has kept 
her Word.— How the Dcvif (he vitought my Lord into 
jhis Dotagev I know »\ot.f l^ut hc;'s ^gone to Sir Paul 
:abou^my, lyiarria^e ^ith Cyntbiay^ and has^ appointed 
, '»i«l,hi? Heir.' ... ' n- ,-:,- 

Afe//f/. Tlie tfevHlic. hasi What's to be don^ ? 



THE DOUJ6LE PEAXEK. 197 

Majkw. I have ir, it muft be b;^ Suatagem ; for h*i 
In vain to make Application to hnn ; I think I hav^r 
that in my Head that cannot fail. Wh«re*s Cynthia T 
JW^/i^^ In the Garden. 

Maftrjo^htt us go and conftithcr; my Life for 
. yours, I cheat my Lord. - , 

S C ElsTfe VL 

Z^r^ Touchwood, £a^ Touch wpd». , 
Lady Touchnu. MafiweU your Heir, and lUiarry- 
Cynthia! > 

Lord Toucbvi\ I cannot do too much, for fo mutk 
Merit. 

Lady 7'£>«i-^«iu. But this is a Thing of too great IVfo- 

ment to be* fo f uddenly refolved. ' Wfiy C^ittbia f wljy 

* muft he be married f is there not Reward 0nokfg^-in 

rajfing his low l^'ortune, but he muft mix his Blo«>d 

with mine, and wed iny Niebe? How know you that 

' ny Brother will confent, or (he> Nay, he himfelf.pcr- 

hans may have AfiaStions otherwhere, 
•' Lord Touchw. No, I aiii convinced he loves her. 
Lady Toucbw^ MaJkrMeU love Cynthia f impoifible ! 
Lord Touchw. I tell vou, he contefled it to me. 
Lady 70jyrMv.Confufioi|! How V this? [^Afide. 
Lord Touchy, His Humility longftifted h}s ^affion ; 
-". end his Love of Mellefhnt vfQ\M have madc^' him ftiil 
conceal it. — But, by Encouragement, I wrung t^e 
Secret from him; and know he's no Way to be* le- 
' warded but in her. I'll deter my farther Proceedings 
in it till you have contidered it; but iremen;iber how 
we are both indebted to him* 

s c E N E vn. 

Lady Touchwood alone. 
Both indebted to him ! Yes, wc are both indebted 
10 him, if you knew all! Villain! Oh, I am wild 
I J with 



1^8 mt DOUBLE DEALER. 

With this Surprize of Treacberyj It is impoflible; it 
cannotbef— He love Cynthia! What! have I been 
Baivd tabis Defigni> his Property only, a Baiting- 
place ! Now I fee what made him' falfe to Melkfonu 
—Shame and Dift-actioo \ I cannot bear it. Oh ! 
what Woman can bear to. be a Propert)' ? To be 
kindled to a Flame, only to light him to another's 
Arms? Oh! th^t I were Fire indeed, that I might 
burn the vile Traitor! What (hall I do? How fhajl 
I think ? I cannot think. — All my Defigps are loft, 
my Lq^ unlated, my Revenge un fin iihed, and freih 
Caufc of Fury from unthought-of Plagues* . 

' S CB N E VIIL 
\To htr\ Sir Paul Ply ant. 

Sir F. Ffymt. Madam, S^er, my Lady Sifier, ^ 
you fee iwv Lady my Wii« ? 
• Lady 7i»ri&w. Oh! Torture! 

Sir F. Pfymu. Gad»-bud^ II caQ^Sddlier kigh^lvr 
low; where can ibe be, think you ^ 

Lady Teucikvj^ Where ftc^s. lervkxy you^ dsrall your 
Sex oogiM to be icfved; making you a BeaH* Don^ 
you know that you're a Fool, Brother ? 

Sir P. FifOMt. A Fool ? We^ he, he ! youVe^ meny 
« «— No^ no^ not I, i know no fuch Matter. 
' Lady Ti^uckw^Why then you don't know half ^our 
Happir»cfs. 

»jr F. P^nf. That's a Jell witk all my- Heart, 
^^h and troilw*— But harkye, my Lord told me (bme- 
tMn^^ a Revolution of Things ; i don't know what 
to makeon't. — Gads-bud, I mull confult my Wife- 
he talks of dilinheriting his Nephew: and 1 don't 
know what.— Look you, Sifter, J mull know what 
my Girl has to truft to i or not a Syllable of a Wed- 
dipg, Gads-bud ! — ^toJhcw you that 1 am not a Fool. 
' Lady Ttntcbw. Hear me ; confers ^ the breaking off 
this Marria|>e, and the promoting aay '^er, without 

confulting 



THE i>OUBLI^ DEALEK. ^99 

eonfbltins^ me^ ahd III retioutice all Blood, aU Rela- 
tion and Goncern, with you for cverr— niiy, I'll 4»e your 
Enemy, and purfue you to Def^ruiS^ioa ; Til Jear your 
Eyes out, and tread you under my Feet. 

Sir P. J^^»/. Why, what^s die Matter now ? Good 
Lordl what^s all thin for? Pooh, here's a Joke indeed ! 
—Why, Where's my Wife ? 

Lady Toucbvo, With CareJefs^ in the clofe Arhoiir; 
he may want you by this Time, as much as you want 
her. ■ ' ' ■ ' '. 

Sir P. P^dr/»f, Q,> if ihc be witK Mr. C^iwi^, *tis 
weD enough. 

Lady Toucbvo. Fool, Sot, inienfihle Ox !-*^itt le* 
member what I faid'to you, or you had better eat 
your own Ilorns, hy this Light you ImmL 

Sir P. P^ant. You're a paffion^te Woman, G»ads- 
•^jdl-^But, to fay Trui^^ 4ki oimti F«nuly.«i« cho- 
leric ; I am the only peaceable Perfon amongfl theuv 

^"■^^ \^'' ^SCE NE'IX, 

MeSU19QST, MA8iCW£L|«t4^CyNTl»IA* , 

Mtllef^ I know no qther Way but this he \xm pro- 
pofed ; if you have Love enough k> ruivthe Venture. 

Qfftftfa, I ddnl know whet^ I have Love en6Ugh 
—but I find IhaveObfHiiacyenO'jgbto porfue what* 
^ve^ I hanre once refolved t «ttd a true Female Coulage 
to o|^fe a;ny Thio^ that reitfb my WiU, iiMnagh 
*twere Reafonf itfelt. i 

' Majkrw: That's right—Well, ftl kcoxt the Wfit* 
inlgs, and^rtin the Hazard sdoBgwifhy0U4 

CyrahiarByjtx, how can the Coach aiid-9b Horiesbe 
got ready without Sufpicion ^ 

'- Majhxj, Leave it tp royCarej tliat fhall be fb far 
ftoni being fufpe^tedi that h ft dl be got wssuiif hf my 
Lord's own Order. 



MeMHowl 



MajSU 



30O THE DOUBLE DBAh^R. 

IL^tw.Whjy limcndtotcll mj Locd the wlu^c 
Matter of our Contiivaiice : duttV my Way. 

3taJhv.Vlkj^ IllttiliDyLoid, I tud this Plot with 
joUy on purpoie to bctr^ you ; and that which put 
mcvponitwasi th^fincfiiigit impoffiblc to gain the 
'JLady anjodier Waj, but in Hopes of her mtrryiog 

V/JMy^So-- 

M;/[hv.So? why^ while you're bnfied in ts^" 
iogyouHelf. fcady, l^Uifheedkher into the C<Mch;> 
and, inilead of yoil,~ borrow my Lord's Chaplain, 
and lb nm aw^ widi her m3rielf* 
MiBi^ O, I conceive vou : yoo*ll tcQ him (o } 
Mttfbw. Tell him tot vfi why you dba't thiak I 
meantodolb? 

JMOef.Jio^ no ; ha^ ha! I dare fwdur thou wilt 
not, 

Ma&w. Therefore, for our farther Smmty, I 

would have voi^ difgmied like a Paribn, that, it mv 

Lord ihoukl nave Curiofity to peep, ^he may not dii<* 

coyer you in the Coach, b^t thmk the Cheat b canriel 

on as he would hsive it. 

. y iiJl^i%^.^ceUcntjil^j/fc^ thou wert certdoly 

. 4|V^9t|orar;S^e(mgnQra Jeruit----but thou art .too 

. ^i^,c^. ff^r one^ and too pious for the other. 

^.. vA%%v.W gpt yourf^vcs. feadjr, and meet tnc 

/ Jn.hajf OH Hpur^.^yondeiv,. in fpy ^^i*A -DrefliDg- 

ropm \ go by the £^k Stairs, am fo we niay flip 

- .doii^il without ^^ngobfeiyed; I'll fend the Chaplam 

: to you with his Kol^. I have made him ray own — 

', '^od Ci^ed: bw» to meet us To-moirow Morning at 

Su A1hans\ there we will fum up this Account to all 

\ ouf Satisfa^ons* 

MeVef. Should \ begin to thank or praife thee, I 
Ihould Wafte the little Time we have. 

SCENE 



T H E* D atf BL E % E A L E R. aoi 

S C E N E X. 

Ctnthia, Maskwell. 

Mt/kv^ Madam, you will be read]^ ? ^ 

Cynih, 1 will be pun6hial to the Minute* iGoingm 
Ma^hy. Stay, I have a Doubt. — ^Ujpjon fecoiul 
Thoughts, we nad better meet in the Chaplsun's Qham- 
bcr$ tene, the corner Chamber at this End of the 
Gallery ; there is a Back Way into it, fo tha^ ypu need 
apt com^ through this Door— and a Pair ot private 
Stairs leading down to the Stables.— It will be more 
convenient. '^ ' 

Cynth^ I am guided by you— but MeUefont will mil- 
take. 

Mafi. No, np, I'll after him immediately, and t<A\ 
him. 

CyntL. 1 will not fail. " . 

SCENE XL ' I 

Maskwell, ahm, 

' Why, qui vuU Jecipi^ ^dfnaftr?i^^T\% no Fault «f 
'mine. I have told them in plain Terms,* how eafy it 
is for me to cheit them ; and if they will ^hot hear the 
Serpent's Hifs, they mutt be Ihing into E^tpc^ience 
and future Caution*— NbW to prq>are my Lord to eoi^ 
fent to this.— But fit^ I muft inftrutt my little Levite% 
there is no Plot, public or private,. that tart 1?xpeft 
to profper without one of them has a Finger in di. 
He promifed to be within at this Hour.— ^fr. Saygracf^ 

' ' [Goes to the Chamber Ihcr^ and kntKks. 



Is SCENE 



\ 



ici THE l>OUBLt DEALCIL 
5^ C E N E Xn. 

M^Si^0ce[lmiztimL^ SwcctSir, I wiSbcitpfn 
Ac laft Lioe of aa Aooicic, aod be with joo ia the 
TwiaUiDg of an f jacufaDon, in the pconminring qf 
39 Amrm^ or before jou ran^- 

Mafsa, ^ay, ^)od Mr. SdKgracr, do not proloi^ 
^ TiiDe, by ddcnlMDg to me the Shortnefe of yoar 
.9^9 ntfher, if joa pScaie, deter the finilhiag of 
Your Wit, aiki let us ta& about our Buitac6 ; it (hall 
W Tithes in your Way. 

Sajig, [Emers] You (hall ^fK^nSL I wnoU break off 
io die Middle of a Sernion, ID do yoa a PlQafiire. 

Majhoi, Yoii could nor do me -a greater— cxc^ 
Ae Bufinefs in Hand^ — Hsne joa pipyided a Hami 

Sofg. I hate ; they aie ready in my Chamber, toge^ 
Aer with a clean ifaiched Band and Cu& 

I^ajk. Good, let them be carried to him.-*HaTe 
you fftched the Gown Skeve, that he may be puzzled^ 
Md wHAe Time in puiting it on ? 

ilw. I hate; Ibe Gown will not be indued with- 
tm rerplexi^, 

Miajtwi Blcct m<» in half an Hour, here in your own 
Chamber* When Cfj^Uk. comes^ kt there be no 
light ; and do not fpeak^ tbatibe may notdiiljnguiib 
you irom iUlrffm*^ 111 urge Ha0e, to cxcufe your 
ttkttce- 

JMW* you h^re aq more Commands ?- 

J|^|^« None, your Text is ihort. 

%|> yjhlt pithy, ^od I wiU handle it irith Difbe* 

tt^. It will bethe firfiyoahaveib fenred* 

SCENE 



THE J>OyBLt DBAtJtIt. 90$ 

SCENE xm. 

Lord Touchwood, Maskwell. 

Ix)rd Touchvj, Sure I was born to be controIlTO by 
tbofe IfliouldcommaiKl. My very Slavics wilj fli^rtly 
, gire me Rules how 1 fhall govern them. * .w. 

* MaJk'M. I am concerned, to fee your Xbrdfhip dif- 
eompofed. •. .,^ 

Lord Touctjrjj, Hare you feen my Wif^ lately^ c*^ 
difbbliged her ? 

Mafiw. No, my Lord. — ^What cad' this mean ! 

-J [Afitkm 

Lord Touch'vj, Then Mellefont has urged ibmebody 
to incenfe her.*--Something ibc 6ai heard of you^ 
which carries her beyond the Bounds fj^f E^ti^cc^ 

Mafti^. -'This I feared ! /.'^.;— Did not ^:0iMf 

X^rdihip teU h^r Qf the tlo9our»* yoii deiigned me ? ' 

'LQVidkToucHxju Yes.. ^ - .: 

'Majkw. *Tis that; you khwv. my La ty "has a high 

^ri^: fhcthink» I 'an* unworthy. . 

Lord' Touchvj^ Unworthy ! • Jfia an. jjghQtant Pride 
iaherti^ ^"^^ fo— Honeity to me is true I)fpbjliryj 
However* it is n^y Will it (hall bj^foi and t hut HioiUf 
bt convincing to* her as much as Reiifon.-rrTBy jHedTOi, 
I'll not be Wife ridden; were it pbffible, it^ilipuUl bftj 
done this Night. '.? "^ • v :tu 

Mafihj, Si^ Heaven,- he meets. n^yrWilheB l.(j^de.)j 
•—Few Thiiigs are mipo(fibk to willing' M^^ m.? 

, Lord TauchrM. (nftruit^ inc. how this may be.done#^ 
you ihall fee 1 want no* Inclination. > ^ .,,c^ 

}/l<^vx, L hacj )aM .a {ip^ Dc%n vfor • T-o-moi rjtrtv 
(as Love will be invcntiqg)^- which I thought focojlD'- 
municatei^to/^your' Lordihip-<^but it ms^ be as^tvell 
done To-night. » , 

Lord Touchwix Scw*s,iCkiippsiay;hHGdili€wthis Way, 
Imc. ■ 

1 6 ^ .SCEt)E 



\ 



Mf THE nOUEhE OEALEK. 

s c £ B E xnr. 

Cab E List «■/ Ctstbia. 

CfCrf/, IssKX^Ktit^ aam mpme^ am widkjnjljMd I 

Crd. Bf Hawca, Aent*j TRacfaerjw— Tbe Om- 
fofioB diail €nr TDor Fadxr is, 07 Laij Tpmz^xmfs 
PafioSy with WBat hnpcfKcdj I oTobcsjd between, 
sny Lord aad -hcry ujui|Aiii ibc ul od^ Feani.— — W bcrtr s 

S C E N E iV. 
' [% <&av] llsx.LEin>9T. 
0^. ViAMafihxMyd^joa zoj tkiog of die Chap- 

iH^^ No, my Dear) will yoa get ready ?— The 
^l^un^ are aU in mv Chamber^ I want nothing but 
theH^bit. ' 

CareL Yon are betrayed, and Bla/hoeSU the Vilbttn 
I always thought him. 

QyafL When yoa were gone, he laid his Mind was 
chancy and bod me meet him itt* the Cblphiin^s 
IU¥>m, preteniingo immediately to ioXkiv yoOy and 

Carrl. Therc% Solace tripping by with a Eiindle 
undcf his Arm. — He cannot be ignorant that MaJkw^H 
means to u(e hii^ CHaitpbcr; let's follow and examine 
him^ " 

MeM, Tns Lois of Time — ^I caimot think him 

S C E N E ^XVI.' 
Cywthia, afui Lord Touch woop« \ 
<^k MyLordmufing! , i 



rd 



THE T> O U B L E D E A L ER. ao^. 

Lofd T0uchw. He b^s a quick Invention, if this 
wcfe fuddeuly defignedl— Yet helkys he had prepared 
my Chaplain already. , ja 

CyntL How's this ? Now I fear indeed. 

Lord Taucbnxj, Cyhthia here! — Alone, fairCoufia, 
and melancholy ? . 

C^nth. Your IJordfhip tvas thoughtful. , "" , 

Lcird Tduchxv. My Thoughte were oa ferious Bufi- 
ne6, not wonh your hearing. ' 

C^ntb^ Mine w6re oriTreachery concerning you, 
and may be worth your htaf ing. 

Lord Touchw, Treachery (Cbncernin gine ! Pray be 
plain— Hark ! What Noifc ! 

Ma/tuj. (wthin) Will you not tiear mc ? 

Lady Toucbw. ('VMtbin) Np, Monfter !- Traitoi-! 

(j^b. My Lady and MaJkweUf thi« may belud^, 
^-My Lord, let me intreat you to (land behiiid this 
Skreen, and liflen ; perhaps this Chance may give you 
Prtwf of what you never ccnild haVe believed ^oxa 
my Sufpicions. , , . 

S C EN E XVIL ^ 

Ladp Touchwood njohh a Dagger^ and Maskwbi k. 
CvNTiirA ondLtrd TouCHWOOl) ahjiond^ UJtening. 

Lady Toucbw. You want but Leifure to invient fre(h 
Falfehood, and (both me to a fond Be^ef of all ypur 
)^i6i:ions ; but I will (lab the Lie ttiiat*s foni^ng in your 
Heart, and'fave a Sin, in Pity to your Soul. 
^ Mafiiv* Sttikib then ^ince you will have it lb, 

l^dy Touc/jw. Ha! A iteady Villain ta the laft> . 
. Mqflii Coiile, why do you dallv with me thus ? 

Lady Toucbw, Thy fhibborn Temper ihocks me, and 
you knew it would — this is Cunning all, and not 
Courage ; no, I know thee well : but thou ihalt mifii 
thy Aim. ^ » 

. Jl^^ Ha, ha, ha! :^ 1 , 

lady 



zo6 THE DOUBLE l>EALEk. 

. I^dy Twlfw. Ha ! < Do you moci: tny Ragci Then 

this- fliall puniih' your fond, fafli Confempr f A^^ain 

ibiile ? Cw;i /a^nir.}-^Aod^ fuch a Smile as ipealis ra 

Ambigui^! Tfrp thouiand Meanings lurk in each 

Corner of dipt vaQQUS Face. Oi th^ they were 

written in thy Hearts that 1 1^ with thjsj might lay t^e^ 

open to my Sight ! BMVthca it wil^ b^ tdp late to kDo«r 

--—Thou had, thou hall tound the. only W^y to turn. 

nay Rs^» Too well thou know*il my jealous Spnlcoulu 

never bear TJncertainry. Speak then, ahd tell roe— ^ 

Yet we you filent ? Ob. I am wildcrijd in aU Paffions'l 

But thus my Anger melb. ('^<'/A>r»i-Hcre^ talte this 

Poigpard i tor my ^^ry Spirit^ ii^nt^ at^d 1 waiit ^reng^ 

tf^hoUit; thQU haff di&rme4.iny^u]. 

■ [Gltuis the lyi^^* 
.. Lprd T'l'xc'^* AnEiazemeBt (hakes m^ !?— where wilt 
diisend.^ 

\ Afq/iw. Sq^it is wejl-— let your wild Fury kare.^ 
[Ytj^tj a^ni wh^lX^yoy have Temper, tell me. ^ 

Xady ToucBw. Now, xm?w, how I am calm, and can 
hear you. 

Mapw. (4fiAh T^nksi ra^r IjiTeiiition ! and now , 
I have it few- >:ou-^Firil,'teir me what urged you to 
.ihii Viokikei Foft you^ Baifiq^.bmlike in fi|ch impei^« 
fisdt T^rnisy di^jf^ la») t^.Je^nthe Cauf^,. ^ ^ ^ 

Lady T/>uch*w* JVly Lord hiipfelt furprjzed njc with, ' 
the News, you .tvere to marry C^nthia-^thskt you h^4. 
owned your Lote tp'him,' and his Indulgence. woul4 
affif^you to attain your Ei>^, ' " » ' ,,.. 

Qntb^ How, myrLord? ;, 

'Loidi ^ouchcwl J!ray forbear aH Refentments for 
awhile, and let us hear the fell, i ? 
, Majkw. 1. grant ydu, in Appearance, alf is true; 
J Teemed* coni'ehting to my Lord; liay, tranfported 
with the Btefling.— But could jou thjnk that I, who 
had been happy in your loved Embraces, could et^ 
be fond of an inferior Slavery?, , ' 

7 * ' • '* • * 'I-oM 



. mt B 1? B U^^ T> S^ A IfEll. vM7 

Lord Toucbw. Ha ! O Poiibn to my Ears ! What 
do I hear? > .' V '[ J > 

C^n/h. Nay, gqod my Lord, foroear Refentment, 
let us hear it -out. ' 

LofdYovr^. Ye», I will coQtauH though I could 
burft. 

Majkrji\ I, that had wantoned «n the rich Cii^de #f 
|dur World ot Love^ could be confipcdwUhitt the 
puny Province of a Girl ? No— Yet, though I dote 
on each laft Fayopr more iht»;n all the reft j though 1 
would give a Limb for every Look you cheaply throtv 
away oh any other Objeel of your I^«e;. yetfo far 1 
prize your Pleafures over ray own, tjiat ^U- this fe^m- 
igg Floi that 1 haw .laid» -has been te patifV jfour 
Taifte, and cheat the World, to prove a faithfijUUi^ 
toyou« ' . 

L^y Toiifb<w» If this, wete true— But how cs^i 
.it be? :. . i . ., . 

Ma/hnM. I have ip CQi|triye4 tlutt 4/<%2i^vUlpr<t* 
fently> b the ChaplW* Habit, vi^ait. for Cjffubia; \n 
your PceS^>C^ropip ;. l^ut I have put thcChasjge U]^ 
hef, that ihe may be other- wherC empIpycd-rTTfeo yqu 
pipcufe her Ni^trtgown* ^n^ with your t-foods ^led 
over your Face« meet hiim io her ScoulYyou taay gp 
jHfivately by th^ 3apk gtairs, and, uijjpefceived, tVtC 
ypu toay prbp^ie. to reinilate him in his Uncle's Fa- 
vour, if he*ll comply with vour Defires., His Cafe is 
defpcrate; and I believc.he^H j^eW to,^y Cq^i^itipns 
-^If a|9t, hefe.^k«*bis; ybjii pRajfcm^Ipy it. bitter, 
.than in jth^ He^jt of ^ne w^: i§ ngthmg when nqt 
yours, , (I [Cllvts th< D,<9^^. 

' X^acfy Touchy. Thou„c^il .deceive ;every ^dy.— f 
t^y, thou hail deceived vat; but it is gsl would wi^» 
Trufty Villain ! I could worfliip thee.— 

Majktu. No iiK>re.-r-Ii wants but a ^cw Minutea of 
jheTimc; and MtU^onfs Xx)Ye will cairry him there 
beiorehls Hour, , . • l' ^ ' 

LadV Touf:hw% I eo, I fly> xn<k)mparabte IdafeweU^ 

SCJ£NE 



ioZ THE DOUBLE DEALER. 



SCENE XVnL 

Maskwell, Cynthia, Lord Touchwooo^ 

Mig/kw, So, thtswasa Pinch indeed; my Invention 
was upon the Rack ; and made Diicoveiy of her laft 
Plot : I hope Cynthia and my Chaplain mil be ready : 
ni prepare for the Expedition. \^Exh. 

SCENE XIX. 
Cynthia, tfWZ^Ti/ TovcRWoop. 

Cyntb. Now, my Lord? 

Lord Touchfw, Aftonilhrbent binds up my Rage! 
Villainy upon Villainy ! Heavens, what a long Track 
of dark Deceit has this difcovered ! 1 am conibunded 
when I look back, and want a Que to guide me 
through the various Mazes of unheard-of Treacheiy. 
My Wife! Damnationi my Hdl ! 

Cyntb. 'My Lord, have Patience; and be ienfibfe 
hbw great oor Happine^ is,' that this Difcovery was 
not made too late. 

Lord TouclAv, I thank you ; yet it may be fHU too 
late, if we don*t preientty prevent the Executioa of 
thcirPlots.— Hal rU doit. Where is MeiUfmt^ mv 
poor injured Nephew ?— how (hall I make bun ampie 
Satisfadion ? — 

O^th. I dare anfwer for him. : , 

XjQx^TouchtM^ I do him frefli Wrong, to queftion 
his Forgivenefs ; for I know him to b^ all Goodnels. 
•—Yet my Wife \ Damn her. — She^l think to meet 
him in that Drclfing-room*^was it- n(>t fo? And 
MapifxU'^iXi expedyou in the Chapliun^s Chamber. 
.—For once. 111 aidd my Plot too.-— Let us hafte to iind 
out, and inform my Nephew; and do^^ou, quickly 
ins you can, bring ail the Compaily into this Galle!y.p-<» 
^ expoiisdie Smunpet and the Villaxiu 

. . . ^ r ' SCENE 



.i 



T»E^&OUBfrB J>^43^f^R•^^^ 



Y ^ SCENE XX. ; , 

'*' ^'£if^:dYKorn, Jul Sir PaVl Pltant,> 

, ,l^rdyjRrWi&, By Heavens, I liave ilept aii Age^p— • 

SV .Pi/^r,w|^at a Cl^ is :it! ^ft Bight, oiP my 

CoTiifcieaqs* ^ M^ La^s is the mclil inviting Couch ; 

ia^ ^ Slu9Jbcrth<fr<? i^ the prcttitsft Amufcment!-^«But 

.wheriefs ajl the Gompimy^^ ' * ' -^ ;^^' - 

Sir P, PA iiTheCQinpany, gads-bud ! I doiiVkttoTV, 
.Boy I^rd I but <1^<;'f :^i iu^nge^ Rerolutidn; all 
turned topfy turvyi as I hdpefor rit>vtdencc. ' "^1 

Lord ,mtiJhr:. ;<>. HcJirensl : wTiaA' Ae ' Siattcr ? 
wlierc^'s my Wife ? v> .;,;*• ^ . • ;^ 

:j 9ir P. P/. All turned td^ tufvy, » iure^ft0un# 
' librd JP^otL -How do yohmctn/ mv Wife! '"'■ ' 

Sir P. Fk Thcilnmgeft BoftureorAfbirt! 

Ldrd'i^Vtf/*. What, ray Wife?; i j 

SirP.Ph No,ao, ImcanthcFWiJy*--yovirl»AcIy*i 
Attain mgy be in- a very- good fofhire; I(i)vherfo 
bto th* Garden with MrJSri/*, J 

LordFr&iif. lioiir j^ where.1 when? f^hM to dp? 

Sir P, P/. I fuppofe they have tccwj^ing ^^jcir 
Heads tdg^herv > f ' L V .>, i 

'»'Eord/^<?/i&;' How»?f , ♦ . ;r .'> - . . ,.' 
» Sir P» ?/. 'Nay^ionly aboutJfbcJtr^ IfMpppfe, my 
Lord 5 ' makii^ Cddpfeti;:)/: - v^ ii-^ /^ 'u. 

Lord Pr<?/i».- Coupleu ! - , 

Sir P. ?/. *0, hercfthc^ comcw' r .! ^ 

•''^- ,» " ''' • i •-' r;./' . .. ] '. -. " ' ^;/' 

^ : - , ; SCENE XXI. »v ; .,^ 

- "i' .< .. < ' rj_, . <^- . . • - 

.-^ • , [To th€m\ Lady . YjiO T H, B i I> K. 

Brifi* M>r. Lord, your liumble Servant; SvrPaul^ 
yours — the Jinell Ni^t ! / j i. 

Lady Froth. ' Mv Dear, - Mr. Brilk and I have been 
Star-gazing, I don^ know-how long. ^^ 

■ ''^ "^ ' ■ ^ Sir 



2ko THB DOUBLE DQEALEK. 

Sir P. PL Docs it not tire your Ladyfliip ? arc not 
you weary with looking op? 

Lady jR-^^^. Ob,; no, I kwc it i^olently— My 
Dear, vou*re melancholy* 

hori firoiJ^. No, my Desir; Fmbot juft awake. 

Lady Frofh^ Snuff fomc of my Spirit oi Hartshorn. 

lordFroiif. Pve fome of my own, thank you, my 
Dear. 

Lady Froib. Well, I fwear, Mr. Sri/k, yoa un* 
derf^ooid Agronomy like an old Egytiitm. ' 

Brtfl:. Not comparably to your Ladyfirip; you arc 
the very C^thia of the Skies^ and Queert of Stars, 

Lady Froth. That's becaufe I have no Li^ but 
what's by Refle6tton from you, who are the Sun. 

Br^. Madam, vou have ecKpfcd me ^ite, kt me 
peiiih.— I canh anwrer that- 

Lady t\roth. No matter^— harky^r^ AaU you and I 
make an Almanack together } 

Bri/k» With alf my Sout— your La^ftiip has made 
me the Man {n*t already, rtn fb full of tne Wounds 
Mrhich you haw G;iven, 

Lady FS^lh. O iiocly taken ! I fWcwT now J^ arc 
even With me. O Pamaffkst yoxx hare an in&iitc 
deal of Wit. 

Sir P. FL So he has. Gads-bud t and fo has fo\xs 
Ladyfhip. 

SCENE xxn. 

[To them] Ltf/^, P^YAMT, Careless, CyKTHXA. 

Lady P/. You te^l me moil furpriatng Things. 
b-efs me, who would ever tmft a Man ^ O my Heaft 
akes for fear they ihouM be all deceitful aKkc. 

CtireU You heed not fear. Madam y you have Charms 
to ftx Incooihncy itfelf. 

Lady PL O dear, you make nte bluflt. 

Lord Frtith, Come, my Dear, ihali wc take leave of 
my LoVd and Lady ? 

CsntL 



Cf9fh, Tb^lL w^ upon your Lo«d(hip yrefexitly. 
Lady Froth. Mr. Brijky ray Coach SmuI fet you 

r^^vvor Shriek from thi Corner of the ilage* 
^i^What'f the Matter? 

SCENE, xxm- 

JTo f$m] ZdfA T.oiJCHMrooDV«»/ cut affrighted; my 
hard t^Ur her^ ttke a Farfon. 

Lady Touchm, 0» Tn^ b€trayed.^*-&¥e me, lidp 
roei 

Lord Touchw. Now, what Evafioti, Stnimpet? 

Lady Touch^j^ Staiidai; kime go. 

Lord ?(Hirr4>«a;. Go^ and thy own {nfamy puribe 
thee.<^You Aare aa iroii were aU aniaa<;d«f— t dloti^ 
'Wonder acit-^bui too noDyWUkaownioe^ aiutthat 
Woman^a Shame* 

SCENE rhetiilt. 

Lord Touchwood, Lord Froth, Lady FaoTBf 
JL^Plyant, Sir Pavl Plyant, Cynthia^ 
Mellefont, Maskwell ; Mellefont dif' 
guifidin a Parfin^s Hahit^ and pulling in Maskwell* 

Mellff, Nay, by Heaven, you (hall be feen. — Care*' 
lefs^ your Hand.-i-Do \ ou hold down your Head ? 
Yes, I am your Chaplain, Look in the Face of your 
injured Friend ; thou Wonder of all Fallehood. 

Lord Touchw, hrt you filent, Monfter ? 

MeUrf. Good Heavens ! how I believed and lored 
thia Man !*»Take hitn hence, for he's a Difcafe to 
fny Sight, 

Lord 7i9«r^zv, Secure that manifold Villnin. 

[Servants Jeize him» 

Card, Miracle of Ingratitude! 
) t5^. This is all very furprizing, let me porifh. 



•212 THfe DOUBLE lyEAlER, 

^ lAdyFr^ih. You know I told you Sdhtrm looked a 
HtdcTtiore angry than ufual. 

Lord Touted. We'll think of Punilhment at Ld- 
furc 5 but let me haftcn to do Juflicc; in rewarding 
Virtue and wronged Innocence.— Nephew, I hope 
i I have your Pardon, and Cynthi^s, 

Mettef. We are your Lordfhip's Creatures. 

Lord ToucJkv. And be each otherV Comforts—Let 

me join your Hands.— Unwearied Nights and wi(h- 

- ing Days attend you both! MutuaK Love, lafting 

*. Health, and circling Joys^ tread round each happy 

Year of your long Lives! 

Let/ecret Fillmt^ fr^m hence te nmriid 
Maimer in ptiioate Mtfibiffi Are nonceii^d^ 
Tmtire ofia Sbame attend iJbiir ^H Birti t 
'• JUAf flfen in ibt tfimtf M treavJbery ttiif 
8itt gnawing that whencejlrfi it did*ar{^ I 
Jfpjbomrmnf Int iti vile Parent dies / 

[Eteenni mtiu 



} 



£PI- 



t"3l 
E P I L O G U E. 

Sp<dceti by Mn« MotJUTFOtit.^ 

/^OULD Poets hutfirefeehffw Plq^s wonldtake^ 
^ Then they could teU what Epilogues to make % 
H^betbtr to thank or hlame their Audience moft» 
But that late Knmxiedge does much Hazard c^: 
Till Dice are throFUon^ tbere^s nothing won^ nor lo/l* 
So till the Thief has JloVn^ he cannot knovi) 
Whether heJhaUeftapc the X^a^, or no. 
But Poets run muth greater Hazards far. 
Than they whojland their Trials at the Bar\ 
The Lofvo provides a Curhfhr its own Fwy^ 
Andfitffers Judges to direH the Jury. 
But in this Courts what Difference does appear! 
For every on^s both Ju^e and Jury here ; 
J^ojf^ and vohal^s voorfi^ an Executioner / 
Au have a Right and Title to fame Part^ 
Each chufing that in which he has mqft Art. 
The dreoi^jtl Men of Learning all cot^ound^ 
UnUfs the Fables goody and moral found. 
The Vizor Mafks^ that are in Pit and Gallery y 
Approve^ or damn^ the Repartee and Railkty. 
The Lady Critics^ who are better ready 
Enquire ifCharaHers are nicely bred; 
Ifthefift Things are penned imdfhoke with Graces 
Theyju^e efAclion tooy and Time^ and Place ; 
In which we do not doubt but the^re dijcemingy 
For that*s a Kind of A^znmon Learning, 
" Beaux judge efDrefs ; the WitUngs judge of Songs ; 
fie'Cvcimomj of ancient Rights to Cits belongs. 



} 



} 



Poor 



\ 



ir4 EPILOGUE. 

Poor Poets thus the Fawnar are deuleJt^ 
Eoen to maike Exceptions^ when tbefre tried. 
*Tis hard that sbey mUi^evqg^ one admit : 
Methhdu 1 Mfome Facts ih'tbeBhy 
Which mujt efConfefttence he Foes to Wit. 
TTou 'ujho canjudge^ to Sentence ma^ proceed^ 
Sut^ thoughMranafmt 9slrM^ Jttidmiejnbd 
At kaftfiom their ConUn^ V3ho cannot read. 



f 



} 
} 



LOVJE 







* i pp - tfmn t n Jeulu 



LOVE FOR LOVE. 



COMEDY. 



Nudus agrisy nuJus nummis paterfus^ 

Infanire par at certa ratione modoque. Ho K » 



Vol. I. 



[ "9 ] 




To the Right Honourable 



CHARLES, 



Earl of Dorset and Middlesex. 



Lord Charaberlain of His Majefty's Houlhold, and 
Knight of the Mod Noble Order of the Garter, &c. 



My Lord, 

A Young Poet is liable to the fame Vanity and In- 
difcretion with a young Lover; and the great Man 
who fmiles upon one, and the fine Woman who looks 
kindly upon the other, are both of them in Danger 
of having the Favour publifhed with the firjft Oppor- 
tunity, 

But there may be a different Motive, which will a 
little diftinguifh the Offenders. For, though one 
fhould have a Vanity in ruining another's Reputa- 
tion, yet the other may only have an Ambition to 
advance his own* And I beg Leave, my Lord, that 
K 2 I may 



22b DEDICATION. 

I maj pkad the latter, both as the dofe and Excufe 
of rhi$ I>edication. 

WhocTcr is King, is alio the Father of his Count ry ; 
ax^ as nobody can difpiKc your Lord(hip's Monardy 
in Pottiy; ib all that are concerned ought to ackopW" 
ledge your univerfal Patronage : 2iid it is only pre- 
iuroing on Ac privilege of a loyal Siibjef^, that I'hnx'e 
ventUFcd to make this ray Addrcfs of Thanks to your 
Lordihip ; which at the fame Time includes a Prayer 
your Prottdioo. 

I am not ignorant of the common Form of Poe- 
tical Dedications, which are generally made up of 
Panegyric, where the Authors endeavour to dillia- 
guifli their Patrons, by the ihinin^^ Characters they 
nve them, above other Men. But that, my Lord, 
18 not my Bufinefs at this Time ; nor is your Lordlhip 
4I0W to be diftinguiflied. 1 am contented with the 
Honour I Ao myfelf in this Bjnille; without the 
Vanity of attempting to add to, or eirplain, your 
Lord/hip's Chamder, 

I coniefiy it is not without fbme Struggling, that I 
l)ehaKed myfelf, in this Cafe, as I ought : for it is 
very hard to be pleafed with a Subjed, and yet for- 
bear it. But I chufc rather to follow Pli^^s Precept, 
than his Bxample, when in his Panegyrick to the 
Emperor Trajan^ he fays,' Nee minus couJiiUraho 
Mtia awes ^us fati pojjint^ quam quid 'viriutibus de^ 
ieatifr* 

I hope I may be excuftd the Pedantry of a Quo- 
tatioo, when it is fo juily applied. Here are fome 
Lines in the Print (and which your Lordibip read 
before this Play was i^ted) th^ were omitted on the 
Stage ; and particularly one whole Scene in tlie Third 
A^ which not only helps the Deiign forward with 
lefs Precipitation, but alio heightens the ridiculous 
CharaAer of Fprefi^bt^ which indeed feems to be 
maimed without it. But I found myfelf in great 
Panigcr of ^ lopg Play, j^od was glad to help it where 

I could. 



D E D I C A t I Q N. Z2i 

I cnuld. Though, notwithilanding ray Care, and 
the kind tleceptioii it had from the To^n; li:ould 
lieoriily wi(h it yet fhorter : but the number ofJltfer- 
ent Characters reprefented in it would have been too 
much crowded in lefs Room. 

This RefleCiion on Piolixity (a Fault for whicli 
fcarce any one Beauty will lUone) warns m^ not to be 
tedious nmv, and detain Your Lordih ip, \^ny lo^jgpr 
wiik the Trifles ofi 



j^^ LOUD, 
Tmit Lof^Jhif s 

Moft Okditnt and ^ 

M^ HuffAk Sirvauf^ 
WILLIAM CONGREVE. 



K 3 P 1^ 6r 



[ «« ] 



PRO LOGU E, 

Spoken at the Opening of the New Houfe, 

By Mr. BETTER TON, 

n^H E Hu/handmah invain renews his Toil^ 

To cultivdte each Tear a hwigiy Soil-, 
Andfondfy botes ftr rich and generous Fruity 
iVhen what JfOMldfied the Tree^ devours the Root: 
TV unladen Boughs^ hefees^ bode certain Dearth j 
Unk/s tranj^lanied to more kindiy Earth, 
So^ the poor Hujhands rfthe Stage^ who found 
J heir Lalourslo/i uton ungratgul Ground^ 
Thit lafi and on^ Remedy haveprotPd ; 
jind hope new Fruit from ancient Stocks rem^^'d. 
Well may they hope^ when you fo kindiy aid^ 
Well plant a Soil^ whichyoujh rich have made* 
As Nature ganye the World to Man^sfirft A^e^ 
Scfromyour Bounty we receive this Stage ; 
7 he Freedom Man was horn to^ you^ve reftor^d^ 
Ahd to our World fuch Plenty you afford^ 
Jtfeems^ like Eden, fruitful of its own Accord, 
Butfincein ^2X2i^\{^fr(ulFleJhga'veWc^^ 
And when hut two were made^ both 'went aft ray ; 



} 



Forhearyour Wonder^ and the Fault forgive^ \ 

Ify in our larger Famihj nve grieve f 

One falling Adam, and one tempted Eve. J 

■■' } 

} 



We who remain would grateful^ ^fp^^^ 

What our Ende<tvours can^ and bring this Day^ 

^he Firft fruit Offerings of a Virgin Play^ 

We hope th resfomething that maypleaje each Tafie^ 

And i ho qf homely Fare we make tlje Feaft^ 

fetyou will find Varie^ at kaft^ 

nci'es 



PROLOGUE. aaj 

Thcrc^s Humour^ <vohichf6r cheaful Friends 'vjegoty 

And for the thinking Fa*"^ therts a Plot. ! 

Wc^iiefomefhingtoo^ to gratify lU- nature 

(If there be any hcre)'^and that is Satire, 

Tho^ Satire fcarce dares grin^ *tis grawnjh mild^^ 

Or onlvfjexyjs its feetb^ as if it fmiV d. 

As Ajfes Tbiftksy Poets mumble PTitj 

And dare not biie^ for fear of being hit^ 

9'ljey hold their Fens, as SFMords are held by Fods^ 

And are afraid to ufe their ,o^jon Edge-tools. v , 

Since the Plain- Dealer's Scenes rfmanfy Rage^ 

Not one has dar^d to lafi) this crying Age* 

This Time t the Foet o-^\jns the bold EJp^y 

Tet botes therms ng IHmarimrs in his Play; 

And oi declares by me^ he has dcfign^d 

Affront to none \ hut frankly jfeaks his ^nd, \ 

And^fhonld th* enfuitig Scenes not fhancetp hit^ \ 

He ^fershutthis one)S>xcuJ^'^t^as'L\iri^ > 

before your UOi Encourageimnt cfWlu J, 






K,4 ■■/ E'.P,I. 



1224] 

E P I L O G u a 

Spoken at the Opening of the New Houfe^ 

By Mr».,BRAGEGIRDLE, 

C UR E Provide^ aifirfi dejtgn'd this Place 
*^ To he tb€ Player's R^uge in Diflre/si 
ForJiiHj in every Storm^ they all run hither j 
jis to a Shed, thatJbUlds thmfrom the Weather^ 
But thinking of this Change ivhich Iqft hefel uSf 
It's like *ivhat J havf heard our PoeU tell us: 
For when behind our Scenes their Suits are pleading^ 
To help their Love^ fometimes theyjbrw tboir Reading ; 
And^ ijcanting Ready Cctfh to pay fir Hearts^ 
7 hey top tfjeir Learning on «j, and their Parts ^ 
OnceofPhilofopherstbey^otdusStorleSy . . . , 
Whom^ as Ithinky they called— Vy — Pythagoncf, 
I*m Jure *tis/omefuch Latin Name they give them^ 
And ow, voho know no better ^ mufl believe them. 
Now to thefe Men (fay they)fucb Souls were given^ 
That after y Deaths ne'er went to Hell nor Heaven, 
But lin^d^ I know not boiv^ in Beafts ; and then. 
When many Tears were pqft, in Men again. 
Methinksy we Players refemblefuch a Soul^ 
That, does from Bodies ; we, from Houfes flrole, 
Thus Ariftotle's Soul^ of old that was^ 
May now be damrid to animate an Afs ; 
Or in this very Houfe^for aught we kno^iV, 
Is doi/ig painful Penance infome Beau : 
And thus^ our Audience^ vohich did o?ice refort 
Tofbining Theatres^ to fee our Sporty 
NoTMfindus tofs'dinto a Tennis-Court, 
Thefe PFails but t'other Day were f II' d with Nolfe 
Of Roaring Gamefiers^ aJidy.utr Damme Boys ; 



} 



Then 



E P I L a G U E. zis 

Then hounding Balls a?td Rackets thc^ encomfaft; 
AndntFM they're Jill*d nxjttb Jejis^ and Flights y andBomhaft! 
I vaWy I dmCt much like this Trart/migration<f "J 

Strolingjrom Place to Place ^ hy Cir dilation ; > 

Grant Heaven^ iir dotit return to eturfirjl Station! J 
/ knijw n)t ixjhat theft think \ but., fir my Part^ ^ 

/ carit rcJlcB ^without an aking Hearty > 

Hovj 'Mejhfhdd end ///, our Original^ a Cart* • J 

But "ixe cajitfiar^ finceyoiirefo good to/ave us^ 
Tljatyou han}€ only/ct us upj to leofve us, 
Ihusyfrom the faft^we J^pe fir future Grace^ 
I heg it — 

Andfome here know J have a hegging Face, 
7hen pray continue this your kind Behaviour ; 
For a clear Stage ivout do^ without your Favour* 



K i D K A 



>Mr. Gushing. 



DRAMATIS PERSONiE, 1774. 

MEN. Cove NT-Gar DEN, 

Sir Samfon Legend^ Father to Fa- 1 ,, rx 

UntinezxiiiBen, j Mr. Dunstall. 

Valentine^ failed under his Father's *i ' 

Difpleafurc by his expcnfive I y., , 

Way oi living, in Love with > Mr. Lewis. 

Angelica^ J 

ScanM, his Friend, a free Speaker, Mr. Hull. 
Tattle^ a half-witted Beau, vain of 1 

his Amours, yet valuing himfelf > Mr. Woodward. 

for Secrecy, J 

Bfn, Sir Bampfoni younger Son, hal f | 

home-bred, and half iea-bred, >Mr. Shuter* 

defigned to marry Mifs Prue^ J 
Tarefight^ an illiterate old Fellow, ^ 

pceviih and pofjiire, fuperftiti- 

jous, and pretending to ynder- 

ftandAftroIogy, Palmiflry, Phy- 

fiognomy, Omens, Di earns, &c. 

Uncle to Angelica^ 
Jeren^^ Servant to Vakntinej Mr. Lewes. 

Trafland^ a Scrivener, Mr. Quick. 

Buckram^ a Lawyer. 

WOMEN. 
Angelica^ Niece to Forefight^ of a ^ 
• coniiderable Fortune in her > Mifs Sherman. 

own Hands, J 

Mrs Forefight, ^cond Wife to| ^^.^ g^ 

Mts.FraiJ, Siiker to Mn.ForefigbL 1 tv*/- u 

aWom^nofthcTown, ^"^ ' J M.fsBARfANrr. 

Mifs Prue^ Daughter to Forcfight by ^ 

a foiroer Wife, a filly, aukward i Mrs.MATTOcKs. 
Country Girl, J 

Nurfe to Mifs, Mrs. Pitt. 

A Bttvoaril^ Officers^ Sailors^ and/hveral Servants* 
Tbi 5CENE, LONDON. 

LOVE 



t «27 1 



L O V E F OR LOVE. 
ACT I. SCENE I. 

Valentine, in his Chamber^ reading \ 
Jeremy ivaiting* 

Several Booh t^nm the Table., 

Faknt. ^EREMT! 
J 7^. Sir. 

Faknt, Here, take away; 111 walk a Turn, and 
digeft what I have read — 

Jer, You'll grow dcvililh fet upon this Paper- 
diet ! [^Jt^y ^^^ taking aixknf the Books » 

Faknt,. Audf d'ye hear, go you to Breakfaft-^ 
There's a Pa|e' ddubled down in EpiHetus^ that is a 
Fcaft for an Emperpr. ' 

^<?r. Was EpiHetus a feai Cook,, or did he ohfy 
wnte Receipts ? 

Kalent. Read^ read. Sirrah, and refine vour Ap- 
petite; learn to live upon Inilrudtioh; feaft your 
Mind, and mortify your Fldh, Read, and take your 
Nourifhroent in at your Eyes; fliut up your Mouth, 
and chew the Cud of Undeiilanding. Stf EpiHetus 
advifes. 

Jer, O Lord ! I have heard much of him, when 
I waited upon a Gentleman at CaMridge* ^xtlj what 
Wi&xYv^X, EpiHetus? ' \ ' 

K 6 ^aknf- 



/ 



2j8 L O V E F or love. 

» 

Faltnt, A very rich Man — not worth a Groat. 
Jer. Humph ! and fo be has made a vciy tine ' 
Feaft, where rhere is nothing ta be eaten* 
Falent. Yes. 

Jer. Sir, you're a Gentleman, and probably un- 
dcrihind this fine Feeding : but, if yeu pleaf'e, I had 
rather be at Board-wages. Dees your EpiHetm^ or 
your Seneca here, or any of thei'c poor rich Rogues, 
teach you how te pay your Dcb>ts without Money ? 
will they (hut up the Mouths of your Creditors? will 
Plato be Bail for you ? or Diogenes^ hecaufc he uq- 
derilands ConfiaemeBt, and lived in a Tub, go to 
Prifon for you ? 'Slife, Sir, what do you mean, to 
inewyourfclf up heie with three or four muHy Books, 
in Commendation of Starving and Poverty ? 

Falent, Why, Sirrah, I have no Money, you know 
it; and therefore rdblve to rail at all that have: And 
in that I but follow the Examples of the wifert and 
wittied Men in all Ages — thele Poets andPhiloiophero, 
whom you naturally hate, for juil fuch another Reafon ,* 
be&aufe they abound in Senle, and you are a Fool. 

Jer. Ay, Sir, I am a Fool, 1 know it ; and yet, , 
Heaven help me, I'ra poor enough to be a . Wiu — But 
I was always a Fool, wbea I told you what your Ex- 
peaces would bring you to ; your Coaches and yom 
Liveries; your Treats and ygwr Balls; your being in 
Love with a Lady that did not care a Farthing for you 
in your Profpcrity ; and keeping Company with Wits, 
that cared for nothing but your ProfjKrity, and now, 
when you are poor, hate you as much as they do on^ 
another. 

Falent. Well ; and now I am poor, I have an Op- 
portunity to be revenged on them all j I'll puriue ji^i- 
gelica with njore Love than ever, and appear more no- 
torioufly her Admirer in this Reftraint, than when I . 
openly rivaled the rich Fops that made Court to her. 
Sa (hall my Poverty be a Mortification to her Pride, 
and perhaps ma]^e her companionate the Love, ^h'ch 

haa 



LOVE FOR L O V Es 229 



principally reduced me to this Lownefs of Fortune, 
d tor the VC^'its, Tin fure I am Iri a Gondition to' be' 



has I 
And"] 
e\'en with them. 

Jer. Nay, 3-our Condition is pretty even with^ 
theirs, that's the Truth on'r. 

ralent. Ill take fome of their Trade out of their 
Hands. 

yei\ Now Heaven of Mercy continue the Tax upon- 
Paper I — You don't mean to write ? 

Faknt. Yes, I do ; Til write a Flay. 

ycr. Hem ! — Sir, if you pleafe to give me a fmall 
CertiHcate of three Lines — only to certify thole* 
whom it may concern, That the Bearer hereof, 7^- 
rc»ry Fetch by Name, has for the Space oi fcvcn 
Years truly and faithfully ferved Falentine Legend^ 
Efquirc ; and that he is not now turned away for any 
Mildemeanour ; but does voluntarily difmifs his Mafter 
Irom any future Authority over him — • 

Faknt. No, Sirrah ; you flialllive with melHU. 

Jcr. Sir, it's impollible — I may die with you, ilarvc 
with you, or be damned with your Works : But to 
live, even three Days, the Life of a Play, I no more . 
expect it, than to be caironized for a Mufe after my 
Deceafc. 

Valeut, You are witty, yon Rogue, I Ihall want your 
Help — I'll have you learn to make Couplets, to tag 
the Ends of Ai5ls. D'ye hear? get the Maids to 
ci-amba in an Evening, and learn the Knack of 
Rhiming; you may arrive at the Height of a Song 
fent by an unknown Hand, or a Chocolate-houfe 
Lampoon. 

Jer. But, Sir, is thi^ the Way to ^«cover your Fa- 
ther's Favour? Why Sir l^ampfin will be irrecon- 
cileable. If your younger Brother (hould come from 
Sea, he'd never look upon you again. You're un- 
done. Sir i you're ruined ; you won't have a Friend 
left in the World, if you turn Poet. — Ah, iPox con- 
found that WUPs CofTee^hovife, it has ruined more 

young 



230 LOVE FOR LOV^E. 

young Men than the Royai Oak Lottery !— Nothing 
thrives that belongs to it. The Man of the Houfe 
would have been an Alderman by this Time with 
- half the Trade, if he had fet up in the City. — For my 
Part, I ncv«r fit^t the Door, that I don't get double 
the Stomach that I do at a Horfe-race. The Air upon 
Banfttad'Dtrjjns is nothing to it for a Whetter; yet I 
never fee it, but the Spirit of Famine appears totne*^— 
Sometimes like a decayed Porter, worn out with Pimp- 
ing, and carrying Billet-doux and Songs ; not like 
pther Porters for Hire, but for the Jeft's Sake. — ^NoW 
like a thin Chairman, melted down to half his Pro* 
portion, with carrying a Poet upon Tick, tovifirfome 
great Fortune J and his Fare to be paid him, like the 
Wages of Sin, cither at the Day of Marriage, or the 
Day of Death. 

F'alent. Very well, Sir; can you proceed ? 

Jer, Sometimes like a bilked Bookfeller, with a 
meagre terrified Countenance, that looks as if he had 
written for himfelf, or were refolved to turn Author, 
and bring the reft of his Brethren into the fame Con- 
dition* And laftly, in the Form of a worn-out Punk, 
with Verfes inherHand, which her Vanity had pre- 
ferred to Settlements, wkhoui a whole Tatter to her 
Tail, but as ragged as one of the Mufes ; or as if (he 
were carrring her Linen to the Paper-mill, to be 
convected into Folio Books of Warning to all young 
Maids, not to prefer Poetry to good Senfe ; or lying 
in the Arms of a.ne^dy Wit, be^om the Embraces oi'. 
a wealthy Fool. 

SCENE II; 

VaLENTINB, ScANPAL, JfiREllYv, 

. Scand. What ! Jeremy holding forth ? 

^tf/^«/. The. Rogue has (with all the Withe could 
inufter up) been declaiming againft Wit. 

• Scand,\ 



LOVE FOR LOVE. 251 

Scand, Ay ? Why then I'ljn afraid Jeremy has Wit : 
For wherever it is, it's always contriving its own 
Ruin. 

y<r. Whyfol have been telling my Matter, Sirv 
-Mr, Scandal^ for Heaven's Sake, Sir, try if you can 
difluade him from turning Poet, 

Scand. Poet ! He (hall turn Soldier firft, and rather 
depend upon the Out-fide of his Head, than the 
Lining! Why, what the Devil ! has not your Poverty 
made you Enemies enough? muft you needs (hew 
your Wit, to get more? 

Jiu Ay, more indeed : for who cares for any body 
that has more Wit than himieU? 

Scand, Jerenty fpeaks like an Oracle. Don*t you fee 
how worth lefs great Men and dull rich Rogues 
avoid a witty Man of fmall Fortune ? Why, he looks 
like a Writ of Inquiry into their Titles and Eftates ; 
and feems commiflioned by Heaven to feize the better 
half. _ . . ' ' 

F^tkfit, Therefore I would rail in my Writings, and 
be revenged. 

Scand, Rail ? at whom ? the whole World ? Impo- 
tent and vain ! Who would dye a Martyr to Senfe, in 
a Country where the Religion is . Folly ? You may 
jlauvi at Bay for a while ; but, when the full Cry is 
ayinft you, you (han't have fair Play ibr your Life. 
It you can't be fairly run down by the Hounds, you 
will be treacheroufly (hot by the Huntfmen. — ^No, 
turn Pimp, Flatterer, Quack, Lawyer, Parfon, be 
Chaplain to an Atheift, or Stallion to an old Woman, 
any Thing but Poet A modern Poet is Worfc, more 
fervile, timorous, and fawning, than any I have ' 
named : without you could retrieve the ancient Ho- 
nours of the Name, recall the Stage of Athens^ and 
be allowed the Force of open honeft Satire. 

FaienU You are as inveterate againft our Poets, as 
if your Charafter had been lately expofed upon tlie 
Stage. — ^Nay, I am not violently bent upon the 

Trade.— 



i}i LOVE FOR LOVE; 

Trade. — [One knoch.l Jerenr^^ fee' who's therei. 
[Jer. goes Jo the Door,'\ — But tell me what you would 
have mc do ?--^What ^ the World fay of me, and 
my forced Confinement ? 

• Stand, The V¥orlJ behaves itfelf, as it ufes to do 
on fwh Occafions, €ome pity you, arid condemn 
your Father: others excufe hiip, and blame you. 
Only the Ladles are merciful, and wiih you well : 
fince Love and pleafureable Expence have been your 
greatfell Faults. 

[Jeremy rcturfis,"] 

Falent» How now ? 
. Jer, Nothings new, Sir, I have difpatched fomc 
half a Dozea Duns with as much Dexterity as an 
fiungry Judge does Caufes at Dinner-time. 

Falent, What Anfwer have you given them I 

Scand. Patience, I fuppofe — the old Receipt ! 

Jer^ No, faith, Sir : 1 have put them off fo long with 
Patience atid-Forbca ranee, and oihdr fair Words, that! 
was forced to tell them in plain downright Engijl: — 

Faknt. What? 

y^r. That they (hoiild be paid, 

Valent. Wheii > 

Jer. Tp-morrow. . 

Falent, And how the Devil do you mean to keep 
your Word ? 

Jer. Keep it ? Not at all: it has been lb very much 
ftretchcd, that I reckon it will break ot courfe by To- 
morrow, and nobody be furprized at the Matter' — 
[Knocking,']'^ A^m\ Sir, it you don*t like my 
Negotiation, will you be pleafed to anfwer thel^ 
yeurfclf? 
""Falent. Sec who they are.' 

SCENE IIL/ 

Valentine, Scandal. 
Valenu By this, Scandal^ you may fee what it Is to 
; great. Secretaries of State, Prefidents of the 

Council, 



be great, 



LCVB for love. Z3S 

Council, and Generals of an Army, lead iufi fuch a 
Life as I do ; have juft fuch Crowds of ViCtants ia 
a Morning, all foliciting of pafl Promifes ; which are 
hut a civiler Sort of Duns, that lay Clakn to Voluntaty 
Debts. 

• Sca/itl, And you, like a truly great Man, having 
engaged their Attendance, and promifed more than 
ever you intended to perform, are more perplexed to 
firtd Eyafions, than you would be to invent the hoAell 
Means of keeping your Word, and gn^tifyjing your 
Creditors. . ' 

f^aknt, ScandaU learn to fpare your Friends, and do 
not proVt^e your Enemies* This Liberty of jraur 
Tongue will one Day bring a Confinemcitf on your 
Body, my Friend. 

S C E N E IV. 
Val^ktiwe, Scandal, Jeremt. 

jf^. Q^ $^rt theie^s Trapkmd the Serifener» with 
two fufpicious Fellows like lawful Pads, that would 
knock a Maa^doiri^ wkh Poeket-Upftaves ! — And 
there's your Father's Steward; and Uie Nuffe, with 
•oe of your ChUdien, from T'wUnam. 

KalaU, Pox on heri could flie find noothdrTin^ 
to fling my Sins in m^ Face ? Here ! give her this, 
[gt'ffts Momnii'] and bid her trouble nte no pMre; a 
thoughtlefs^ two-handed Whi^-e! She knows my 
Condition well enough, and might have over-laid the 
Child a Fortnight ago^ if (he had had any Forecafl 
in her, 

Scand. What, is it bouacing Margiry^ with my 
Godfon ? 

Jer. Yes, Sir. 

Sca?td. My Blelling to the Boy, with this Token 
[gives Mon^] o( my Love* And (cfyc hear?) bid 
Margery put more Flocks in her Bed, (hift twice 4 

Week, 



/ 



234 LOVE FOR LOVE. 

Week, and not work fb hard, rhar fhc may not {mell 
io vigoroirflv, — I fhall take the Arr (hortly. 

Falent. ScanAaL, dont't fpoil my Boy's Milk. — Bid 
Trapland come in. If I can give that Cerberus a Sop, 
I (hall be at Reft for one Day. 

S C E N E V, 

Valentine, ScANPAL, Trapland, Jbremt.. * 

FaknU O Mr. Traf>ktnd! my old Friend i'ivel- 
come. — Jeremy^ a Ghair quickly : a Bottle of Sack 
and a Toaft— fly— a Chair firft. 

Trafl, A good Morning to you, Mr. Fialentinei and 
to you, Mr. ScandaU 

Scand* The Morning's a very good Morning, if you 
don't fpoil it. 

Faknt. Come, fit you down ; you know his Way. 

Trapl [//i.] There is a Debt, Mr. /^oi^w/zW, of 
Fifteen Hundred Pounds, of pretty long Standing — 

VaknU 1 cannot talk about Bufinds with a thirfty 
Palate. —Sirrah ! the Sack! 

TrapU And I defirc to know what Courfe you hare 
taken for the Payment ? 

Faknt, Faith and troth, I am heartily glad to icie 
you — my Service to* you ! — fill, fill, to honeft Mr. 
^rapland-^{\^\tx\ . : l^* 

i'tafi^ Hold ! Sweetheart— this is not to ourFvifi- 
nefs. — My Service to you, Mr. Scandali^^\p rinks, '^^ 
I have forborn as long — 

>^^»/. T'other Glafs, and then we'll talk-^-Fili, 
Jeremy. ' 

Trtf/iLNo more, in Truth — ^I have forborn, I fay--* 

Vaknt, Sirrah! fill! when I bid you. — And how 
does your handfome Daughter ?— Come, a good Huf- 
handtoher! \Driuku 

TrapL Thank you — I have been out of this Mo- 
ney — 

Faknt. 



L O V E F O R L O V E. 335 

Falent* Drink firfl. Scojuial^ why do you not 
drink? [Th^ drink. 

TrapU And, in (hort, I can be put off no longer. 

ValenU I was much obliged to you for your Sup- 
ply : it did me fignal Service in my Neceffity. But 
you delight in doing Good. — Scandal^ drink to me, 
my Friend 7r^Ai»//'i Health. An honeflcr Man lives 
not, nor one more ready to {^tv^ his Friend in Dif- 
*trefs ; though I fay it to his Face. Come, iill each 
Man his Glafs. 

Scand^ What ? I know Trafland has been a Whorc- 
mafler, and loves a Wench ftill. You never knew a 
Whorcmaller, that was not an honeft Fellow. 

Tri^ Fie> Mr. Scandal^ you never knew I— 

Scand What don't I knovv ?^1 know the buxom 
black Widow in The Pi»r//r)^£ight Hundred Pounds 
a Year Jointure, and Twenty Thoufand Founds in 
Money. Ahah! old Tr^// 

Faknu Say you fo, i'faith ? Come, we*ll remembef 
x^ Widow : I know whereabouts you are; come, to 
the Widow. 

. Tr£f, No more indeed. 

^^«/. What! the Widow's Health ? Give it him 
—off with it. \They drink.l-^h lovely Girl, i'faith, 
black fparkling Eyes, foft i>outing ruby Lips! Better 
fealing there, than a Bond for a Million, ha ! 

Trap, No, no, there's no fuch Thing ; we'd better 
mind our Bufinefs — You're a Wag! 

Volenti No, faith, we'll mind the Widow's Buiinefs : 
fill again,— Pretty round heaving Breafls, — a Barhaty 
Shape, and a Jut with her Bum, would ftir an AncJjo'^ 
rite^ and the prettieil Foot ! Ohj if a Man couW but 
faften his Eyes to her Feet, as they fleal in and out, 
and play at Bo-peep under her Petticoats— ha ! Mr. 
Trapjandf 

Trap. Verily, give me a Glafs — ^you're a Wag— 
and here's to the Widow. \prinks. 

Scan* 



256 LOVE FOR LOVE. 

Scand. He begins to chuckle — ply him dofe, or he*Il 
elapfe into a Dun. 

S C E N B VI. 

[7a thern^ O P F I c B R. 

Officer. By your Leave, Gentlemen. — Mr. Trapland^ 
if Tvc muil do our Office, tdl us. — We have Half a 
Dozen Gentlemen to arreft in Pall-Moil and Coventr 
Garden ; and if we don't make haile, the Chairmen 
ivill be abroad, and block up the Chocolate-houfes ; 
and then our Labour's lofl. 

^rap. .Udfo, tlutt'g irue# Mr. Fakntlme^ I love 
Mirth ;. but Bufinefe mud be done \ are you ready 

. Jtr. Sir, your. Father's Steturard fayi, he C0me» t^ 
li^ake Propofals conctmtog your Debts. 

talent. Bid him come in : Mr. Tna^ZW, fend wf9lj 
your Officer f vou AaM have an AafMrer prefently, 

fr^.^Mr. Si^tf^ ^^ mthin CalL . 

S C E N E VIL 

Valentine, Scandal, Trapland, jEREMt, 

Steward, u'^^ w/^^rjT VAtENTiNE. 

Scand, Here's a Dog now, a Traitor la his Wine ! 
Sirrah, refund the Sack: Jeren^^ fetch him iboie 
warm Water ; or I'll rip up his Stomach, and go the 
fljorteft Way to his Confcience. * 

7f^ Mr. Scandal^ you are uncivil. I did ilot 
Talue your Sackj but you cannot exped it again, 
when 1 h^e drunk it. 

&ca$uL And how do you expe^ Co have your Money 
^ain^ when a Gentleman has fpent it ? t 

Falent, You need fay no more. I underftand the 
Conditions ; they are very hard, but my Necelfny \^ 
ycrypreffing: I agree to th^m. Take Mufr^^laad 

wiih 



LOVE F O R L O V £• 237 

uith you, and let him draw the Writing,— Mr. Tra^ 
land^ you know this IMan ; he ihall fatisty you. 

Trap. Sincerely, I am lolh to he thus prelFing ; but; 
my NeceiTty — 

FaUnt, No Apology, good Mr. &r/W»r; youihaU 
be paid, 

Trap. I hope you forgiFC me; ray Bufmefs re- 
quires — 

S C E N E VIII. 
VALtMTiNB, Scandal. 

Scand. He begs Pardon, like a Hangman at an 
Execution. 

Vaknt. But I have got a Reprieve. 

Scand. I am furprizcd ; what, does your Father 
relen^ ? 

Falent. Nb ; he has fent mq the hardeft Conditions 
in the World. You have heard of a Booby Brother 
of mine, that was lent to Sea Three Years ago ? This 
Brother, my Father hears, is landed ; whereupon he 
▼cry aft'eftionatcly fends me Word, " If I will make 
** a' Deed of Conveyance of my Right to liis Eftate 
•* after his Death to my younger Brother, he will 
*' imjTiediateiy furnifh me with Four Thoufand Pound?, 
•*■ to pay my Debts, and make my Fortune.'* This 
was. once propofed before, and I refufed it ; but the 
prefent Impatience of my Creditors for their Money, 
and- my own Impatience of Confinement, and Ab- 
fence from Angelicly force me to confent. 

Scand. A very defpcrate Demonftration of your 
Love to Angtlica! and I think fiie has never given you 
any AiTurance of hers. 

• Vaknt. You know her Temper ; (he never gave me 
any gfeat Reafon cither for Hope or Dcfpair. 

Stand, Women of her airy Temper, as they feldom 
think before they a^, fe they rarely give us any Light 
fo gueis at what they mean : but you have little Rea- 

foa 



sjS LOVEFORLOVE. 

ioD to hellcfc that a Woman of this Age, who has had 
an IndiifiereDce for }roa in yarn Prolpeiinr, will fall in 
Love with jroor ill Fonunc Befides, ji^Uca has a 
great Fortune of her own ; and great Fortunes either 
czped another great Fortune^ oraFooL 

SCENE DL 
[T0tlfem] Jekemt. 

Jer, Mere Mistnrruces, Sir. 

Faknt. What, another Dun? 

Jer. No, Sir ; but Mr. TattU is'coroe to wait upoA 
you. 

VaUnt, Well, I cannot help it — ^you muft l^ng him 
up ; he knows I c!on*t go abroad. 

SCENE X. 
VAfENTiNB, Scandal. 

Scand. Pox on him, 1*11 be gone. 
. Faleju. No, pT'}nhee liay: Tattle and you flioukl 
never be afunder ; you are Light and Shadow, and 
fhew one another. He is perfedly thy Reverfe both in 
Humour and Underflanding ; and as you let up for 
Defamation, he is a Mender of Reputations. 

Scand, A Mender of Reputations ! ay, juft as he is 
a Keeper of Secrets, another Virtue that he fets up 
for in the fan:e Manner. For the Rogue will (beak 
aloud in the Fofture of a Whifper ; and deny a Wo- 
man's Name, while he gives you the Marks of her 
Pcribn. He will forfwear receiving a Letter from 
her, ard at ihe fame Time (hew you her Hand in the 
Superfcription : and yet perhaps he has counterfeited 
the Hand tc o, and fworn to a Truth ; but he hopes not 
to be belie^c ' ; and refufes the Reputation of a Lady's 
Favour, as a Doc%r fays No to a Biihoprick, only 
that it may be granted him. — In ihort, he is a public 

Pro- 



I 



L O V. E F O R L O V E. 039 

Pmfefltir of Secrecy, and makes Proclamation that 
he holds private luteiligence. — Heishere, 

S C E N E XL 
[To them] Tattle. 

, 7rf//. Falenttne^ good Monxjw : Fcandal^ I am jroun 
— that is, when you fpeak well of me. 

Scand^ That is, when I am yours ; for while I am 
my own, gr any body's clle, that will never happen, 

Taiu How inhuman ! 

Faknu \Vhy, Tattle^ you need not be much concerned 
at any thing that he fays: for to converfe with Scandal^ 
is to play at Lofing Loadum ; you muft lofe a good 
Name to him, before you can win it for yourfelf. 

Tatu But how barbarous that is, and how unfor- 
tunate tor him, that the World ihall think the better 
of any Perfon fi)r his Calumniation ! — I thank Heaven, 
it. has always been a Part of my Charader, to handle 
I he Reputations of others very tenderly indeed. 

Scand, Ay, fuch rotten Reputations as you have to 
deal with are to be handled tenderly indeed. 

Tatt. Nay, why rotten ? why (hould you fay rot- 
ten, when you know not the Perlons of whom you 
fpenk ? How cruel that is ! 

Scan, Not know them ? Why, thou never hadft to do 
with any body that did not itink to all the Town. 

Taiu Ha, ha, ha ! nay, now you make a Jell of it 
indeed. For there is nothing more known, than that 
nobody knows any thing of that Nature of me. A$ 
I hope to be j(aved, Fakntine^ I never expofeda Woman, 
fince I knew what Woman was. 

FaU And yet you have converied with fev^ral ? 

Tan, To be free with you, I have — ^I don't care if 
I own that — nay more (i*m going to fay a bold Word 
now) I never conld meddle with a Woman, that had to 
<lo with any body elfe. 

Stand. How ! 

3 Fal 



J4* LOVEFORLOVE. 

Fd. N^, fiudi, rm apt to belkire him«— except 
her Hafinnd, TmtU. 
Tatt. Oh that — 

Scatid, What think yoa of that aohle Coimiibner 
Mr». Drab ? 

Tatt. Pooh, I know Madam Dm^ has made her 
Bmgi in three or four Places, that I find this and Aat, 
and urit to her, and did I knoir not what^-bnt, upon 
my Reputation, (he did roe wrong — well, w^, that 
was Malice — but I know the Bottom of it. She was 
hiibed to^that by one we all know — a Man too— only 
to-briBg me into Difgrace with a certain Woman oif 
Quality— 
ScamJ, Whom we all know. 
Tatt. No Matter for that — ^Yes, yes, every body 
knows — no doubt on't, every body knows my Secrets ! 
—But I foon fatisfied the "Loidy of my Innocence ; 
for I told her — Madam, fays I, there ate fome Perfons 
who make it their Bufmefs to tell Stones, and fay this 
and that of one and the other, and every thing in the 
World; and, fays I, if your Grace — 
Scand, Grace ! 

Tan. O Lard, what have I faid ?— My unlucky 
Tongue ! 
rai. Ha, ha, ha! 

ScanJ. Why, Tattle, thou haft more Impudence 
than one can in Reafon exped: I (hall have an 
Efleem for thee — well, and ha, ha, ha ! welly go on, 
and what di^ vou (ay to her Grace ? 

FaL I confefs, this is fomething extraordinary. 
Tatt^ Not a Word, as I hope to be faved ; an arrant 
Lab/us Lingua/ — Come, let us talk of fom^hing elfe. 
Pal, Well, but how did vou acquit yburfelf? 
Tatt^ Pocrfi, pooh, nothing at all, I only railficd 
with you.— A Woman of ordinary Rank was a little 
jeak>us of me, and I told her fomething or other- 
faith, I know not what. — Come, let's talk of fome- 
thing elfe. [Hum^Simg. 

Stand, 



L O V E F O R L O V £• '2^1 

Scand, Hang hirn, let him alone ; he has a Mind we 
iliOuld inquire. ' 

Tatt. FaUntine^ I fuppeJ laft Nig^ht with your 
Millrefs, and her Uncle old Forepghi : I think your 
Father lies at Forefght^s. 

Fal. Yes. 

Tatt, Upon ray Soul, Angelicas a fine Wotnan. — 
And fo is Mrs. Forefght^ and her Siller Mrs. 
FraiL 

Scand. Yes, Mrs, Frail is a veiy fine Woman ; we all 
know her. 

Tatt. Oh, that is not fair. 

Scand. What? 

7att. To tell. 

Scand. To tdl what ? Why, what do you know of 
Mrs. FraiiT 

TaK Who I? Upon Honour I don't know whether 
(he be Man or Woman ; but by the Smoothncfs of 
her Chin, and Roundnefs of her Hips. 

Scand, No! 

Tatu No. 

Scand, She fays otherwife. 

Tatt. Impoffible ! 

Scand. Yes, Faith. Afk Falentlne elfe. 

^att. Why then, as I hope to be faved, I believe 
a Woman only obliges a Man to Secrecy, that (he may 
have the Pleafure of telling herfelt, 

&-^?;z//. No doubt on it. Well, but h^s (he done you 
Wrong, or no ? You have had her ? ha ? 

Tatt. Though I have more Honour than to tell 
firft ; I have more Manners than to contradid what a 
Lady has declared* 

Scand. Well, you own it ? 

Tatt..l am ib-angely fuiprized ! Yes, yes, Icannot 
deny it, if (he taxes me with it'. 

Scand. She'll be here. by and by ; (he kscAFahtiike 
every Morning. i ^ 

Tait. Howl 

Vol. I. L Fal> 



afi LOVE FOfl LOVE. 

/USiKiibo ae lheFmMw^aM»,ofaVifit 
Ibniedmes. I did hoc tbink iie bad rraaBed mote t» 

^hndL Kcr I. (kkh^-Biit TWkI^ iIms doc ufe to kfy 
SL Lady ; it is cootiw to his ChaiaABr«r-<Hoir coe 
aay be deceived io a Woono, Fakawm ! 



Tmu Haj^ what do yon mfiao, Gtndtwrw ^ 
. ^eamL VmnkliKdIlltakhtx. 

Tati. Ohaxfagfoos! Why did foo noc idl me— * 

Scmd. HiH ^oBiold OS. 

Ttf//. AxidhidwcaOLFaJaUauf 

FaL What did I iay ? I bope jou iPtn't bringme 
to confers an Aniver, when you never sd&ed oiethe 
Qoeitioiil 

TatuBex^ G cnrkm e n , this b the «o^ bhuimiB 
Proceedine^— 

FaL »tj0 if you have known ScmmU thus loi^ 
4Hid cannot avoid lucb apalpable I^coy as ibis wiss 
the Ladies have a fine T»iie» wbo^ R^piitaAoDs«i» 
in your Keejnn^ 

SCENE xn. 

(Tl? /i&«»5 J £ a £ M Y. 

Jer. Sir» Sfrs. i^ro^ has (eot, to know if you aie 
flirriog. 
Fal. Shew ber up when fhecome^ 

SCENE XUI. 
Valentine, Scauoax,, Tattm^ 

74r«. ni be gone. 
, ;^, You'll meet her. 

y«f/. Is there Hot a bade Way ^ 

Fal. If th^re were, you have more Diftietion dum 
«d give &««i^ fucb an Advantage; wbv» your jrun* 
' oing away will prove aU that he can tcUher. 



LX> V E FOR i- O V E. ^43 

Taii. ^«M^9 you |k411 not^be ib imgenmus^^ 
I fluUL lofe. flay I^eputaUQii of $ecrecjr for ever. — 1 
ihall never be received but upon public 1)^8 ; and 
my Vifits will never be admitted beyond a Dawing- 
room : I ihaU never fee a Bed-chamtxr again^ never 
be locked in a Clofetj nor.rq^ behind a Bc^en* or 
under a Table; never be diflinguiihed among the 
Waiting-wonien by the Name ot^Tjrui^>Mr. Tattie 
more.— You will not be ib cnicl ? 

J^/iL Scandalj hsi^e Pity on .him ^ Wll yield to any 
Condidons* 

Tau* Any, any Terms. 

Scand^ Cometbeni £icnfioe half a Doxen. Women 
cf good Reputation to me prefently.-— Comcy where 
^re you familiar ?— And fee that they are Women of 
Quality too» tiiefirft Quality. 

Tatt» *Ti».vcry hard. — Won't a Barpnet's L^y 

ScauJ* No, nothing under a Right Honourable* 

7W/. O inhuman ! You don't exped their Names ? 

Sctin. No, their Titles (hall fervc. 

Tatt. Alas, that is the (ame Thing. Pray ipare me 
their Tides; Til defcribe their Perlbns. 

Scan. Well, begin th^i. But take notice, if you aie 
fo ill H Painter, that I cannot know theTerfoti by your 
Pk^ure of her, you muft be condemned, like other 
bad Painters, to write the Name at the Bottom. 

Tan. WeU, firftthen:— 

SCENE XIV. 
[Tif them] Mrs, Frail. 
Tait, O unfortunate! (he's come already, WHl 
you have Patience till another Time? — 1% double' the 
.J^umher. \_ ,' ''\\ 

Scand. Well, on tjiat Cohditio^nTT-Takehefei^rou 
donVfailme. , ,., ., j ' ■. ^ 



244 LOVE FOR LOVE. 

Mrs. Trail I (hall get a fine R^dtaticn, by coming 
to fee Fellows in a Morning ! Scandal^ you Devil, arc 
you here too^ Oh, Mr. Tattk^ every thing is fafe widi 
you, we know. 

Scand, Tattle! 

Tatt. Mum— O, Madam^ you ck) tne too much 
Honour. 

Vaknt. Well, Lady Galloper, bow docs AiigeUcttf 

Mrs. Frail, Angelica f — Manners ! 

P^alent^ What, you will allow an abfent Lover—* 

Mrs. Frail. No, I'll allow a Ix)ver prefent with his 
Millrefs to be particular — but otherwifc I think his 
Paflion ought to give Place to his Manners. • 

FakTitf But what if be has more Paflion than 
Manners ? 

Nrs. Fra'L Then. let him marry, and reform. 

Valtnt, Marriage indeed may quaKly the Fuiy of 
his Paflion ; but it very rarely mends a Man's Man- 
ners. 

Mrs. FreuL You are the moft miilaken in the 
World; there is no Creature perfectly civil, but a 
Hulband: for in a little Time he grows only rude to 
his Wife ; and that is the highefl Good-breeding, fcfr 
it begets his Civility to other People. Well, Pll tell 
vou News; but, I fuppofe, you hear your Brother 
'Benjamin is landed. And my Brother F&refigbfs 
Daughter is come out of the Country — I alTure you, 
there's a Match talked of by the old People. — Well, if 
he be but as great a Sea-beaft, as (he is a Land-mon- 
ller, we (hall have a nioft amphibious Breed — the 
Progeny will be all Otto-s : he has been bred at Sea, 
and (he has never been out of the Country. 

Falent. Pox take them ! their Conjundtion bodes roe 
CO good, I'm fure. 

Mrs. FraiL Now you talk of Conjundion, my 
Bi-other Forefight has caft both their Nativities, and 
prognofticates an Admiral and an eminent J u (lice of 
the Peace to be the liTae Male of their two Bodies. 



t O V E FOR LOVE. 24^ 

f 

.Tis the moft fuperlVitious old Fool ! He v^oald have 
perluaded me, th;it this was an uiihicky Day, and 
would not let me come abroad: but I invented a 
Dream, and fent him to ArUmidGrus tor Interpretation, 
and ft) ilole out to fee you. Well, and what will yoa 
give me now ? Come, I mud have fomething* 

FaknK Step into the next Roora-^and Til give yeit 
ibmething, 

Scand* Ay, we'll all give you Ibmething^ 

Mrs. Frail. Well, what will you all give me ? 

Vaknt^ Mme*s a Secret. 

Mrs. fraiL I thought you would give mc fomething 
that would be a Trouble to you to keep. 

Vakiit, And 4S't^2«*iJt7/ (hall give yoii a good Name. 

Mrfr Frail That's more than he bus for himfelf. 
And what will you give me, Mr. Tattle? 

Tatt. I ? My Soul, Madam. 

Mrs. FraiL Pooh, no, I thank you, I have 
enough to. do to take Care of my own. Wellj but Til 
come and fee you one of thefe Mornings: I hear, you 
have a great many Pidlures^ 

. Tatt,' I have a pretty good Colledlion, at your Ser- 
vice ; forae Originals. 

Scand. Hang him, he has nothing but the Scafms 
and the Twelve Cajars^ paltry Copies ; and the Five 
Senfes^ as ill rcprefented as they are in himfelf: and 
he himfelf is the only Original you will fee there. 

MY^f, FraiL Ay^ but I hear he has a Clofet of 
Beauties^ 

, Scand. Yes, all that have done him Favours, if 
you will believe him. 
. Mrs. FraiL Ay> let me fee thofe, Mr, Tatfk. 

Tatt J Oh, Madam, thofe are Yacred to Love and 
Contemplation. No Man but the Painter and myfelf 
was ever bleil with the Sight. - ' ' 

Mrs. FraiL Well, but a Woman— ' . ' 



24k LOVE TOtk LOVJL 
Tm. Nor Wonna, a iie cndeMed to knr licr 

Secret* 
Jbak/. Ifo^wjmBCtoat if joo*d 6e Pianm. 
Urt. PwiiL Top? 
JtriBb/. Yes, Fai^ I cm^pew joa yam omi Pk> 

ftfrr» jod jmA of joot A uj o VimmCj to the iife^ ipd 
a»like at at JEinfie/f. 

Mfi»A^a£L 01ji^Cfatiipe!^>--/'4feitfur, docs doc 
be lie.^— I ca«*t bdieFC a Word he %s. 

/"^^z. No, indeed, be foeaks Tnidi noir: Ibr, s» 
fli/y^ has Pi^itref of a& that hare graotert him Fa- 
▼otsn, bebasthePi^hfresofailthathaTcrelafedhim — 
it Satires, DeicriptioDS, Cbaraders, and Lampoons, 
are Pidurcs. 

5r^//. Yet, mine are inof( in black 9od whito-*- 
aod yet there are fomr fst out in their true Golbiin, 
both Men aod Women. Icanfbew yoa Pride; Fl#r, 
Al&^taddn, Wantxmnefi, Incooftmcy, Covetoofiiefi^ 
TyifBniiaiaaMSf Malice^ and Igoanacti aH iir one 

Jiece. Then I can ihew ywr Lying, Foppeiyryanit)^ 
ow^ifdtce, Bragging, LedKiy, Impaietice; snodVg- 
liceft, in another Piece ; and jet one cF thd^ is a oe^ 
Idbrated Beauty, and t'deher a profdkd Bea^l* Fhavc 
Painri Agt too, {^ine: pleafant enoagfa. 

Mrt. /hi//. Come, let's hear tl^m. 

iStaaJ, Why, I ha^e a Reaa in a Bagnio^ ctt^ng 
&r a Complexion, and iweatingfosa^ Shape* 

Mri.FraiL Sol 

Scand. Then I hare a Lady burning Brandjr in a 
CcDm- with a bbckncjC'COQphmaix; 

Mrs. Frail, O DcVii^F WeH, but tbar 8tory iSs not 
tlrue. 

^^2A I have lwt4e;Hkrpglypl|ick8^tt)irt. rha:ytra 
Lawyer, with a hundred Hand^ two Hcad^ a^ Bat 
one race ; a Difthe^ with two Facet, and one Bead ; 
and 1 have a Soldier, with hi^ Bt^ins.in.his Belly, Vq4 
his Heart where hit Heai^ihduld be* 

Mr. 



1 O V Er F O R L O V R 547 

Mts. 2^w7j And ne Mead ? 

* Mrs. FriuL Pooh, Aw is all Imwotioii* Haw 
y<ni ntrtt vtfoea^ 

Scdndiil Yes, I have a Pb^ wcigbtog Words, an<i 
lelling Praife for Praifb; and a'Chtkk, picking hts 
Pocket. I have another large Kite' tooy reprefenting- 
^ dchobl }^\ilrH^Ke thrreaf^ hiige-^porttoned Critrcks* 
with long Wigg^ laced Coats, SieMirk Cravats, and 
terrible Faces ; with Catcalls i» their Hands, and Horn- 
books about their Necks. I have rttany more of this 
Kind, very weU pmntcdt as youi (Ml fee. 

Mrs, Frails VVell, I'll coiBe^ if k bcbuttodifprovc 
you, 

SCENE XV. 

Jir.'^iU he;rf!^ tlM^ Steward agaiu. from your 
Father. 

WHtrni^ Fit come to Imti^i^Will you give me Left(ri? 
Rtwsut on you vffoxi nvefemiy. 

Mrs. frmh No^ 1^ he, giiHie, QDme^ who %uir<» 
ine to The Bxcboji^T \xtiy3SiQsiX onmyS»^ Fortfight 

&»if£ IwiH: llMve^Miiidt^TQHrSiaQr* 

Mre.Frtf£/. Civil! 

fatu I Witt; becaufe I have a Tindre fiar }?our 
Ladylhip. • 

Mrs. FrtdU That's fomewhat the better Beafoa« to 
l^r Opinkm* 

Standi WeU, if 7«#/Zr eatestaans you, I have ^ 
bsttor Opportunity to en»ge youp Sifter* 

Vaknu Tell jitgeHcOfl am about making hard Cotv* 
ditiqms, to come abroad, and be at Liberty to fee her. 

StamU I^ g^ve an AeoMint of yi>u and your Pro« 

ccedings. If Indifcretion be a Sign cjf Lonre, you a«e: 

the moil a Lover of aiiy body that I know* You< 

' ' L 4 fency 



i 



248 LOVE FOR LOVE. 

fancy that parting wiih your E^te will hdp you to 
your Milltds.-<^Ininy Mind, he is a thoughtlefs Ad- 



venturer, 



Ii7jo hopes Ui fur chafe IFeahb iyfeJKng LanJ'y 
Or Wi'a a Aiiftre/s^ with a hjing HangL 



ENP OF THE FIRST ACT, 



ACT II. SCENE L 

A Room in Fores ight*8 Houfi. 

Fo&EsiGHT and Servant. 

vFi^i^TTEY-DAY! What, are aU the Women of 
JLjL my Family abroad \ Is not my Wife come 
home r nor niy Sifter ? nor my Daughter ? 

8er*v, No, Sir. 

Forcf. Mercy on us ! what can be the Meaning of 
It ? Sure the Moon is in all her Fortitudes ! Is my 
Niece Angelica at Home ? 

Sernt* Yes, Sir. 

ForeJ\ I believe you lie, Sir* 

Zer*tr* Sir? 

Foref. I fay, you lie, Sir. It is impoflibie that any 
^hing (hould be as 1 unould hare it ; for 1 was born. 
Sir, when the Crab was afceading ; and all my Atlairs 
go backward. 

Serv. I can't tell indeed, >Sir. 

Fifrej: Noy I know yoo-canV Sir. But I can tell> 
andiwetell, Sir. . . 

SCENR 



LOVE' FOR LOVE. a4gE 
SCENE m ' 

Fore/. Jiwrfe^ where's your young Mifti-efs .^ - 

'Nwjt. Wee'tl Heart ! I know not, they're none of 
rhem come ,Home yet. Poor Child» I wai rant fheV 
fond of feeing the Town ^ — Marry, pray Heaven they 
have given her any Dinnerl — Good lack-a-dayy ha^ 
ha, ha ! O Grange; Fll vow and fwear now, ha, ha, 
ha ! marry, and did you ever fee the like ? , 

ForeJ\ Why, how now ? what's the Matter ? 

'Nurfi. Pray Heaveafend your Worthip good Luck!, 
marry, apd Amen, with alLmy Heart.r for you hava 
put on one Stocking with the wrong Side outward. 

Forcf. Ha, how.^ Faith and troth, Pm glad of it: 
and fo I have r that may be good Luck in troth ; in. 
troth it may, very good lAick : nay I have had fonie.'^ 
Omens. I got out of Bed backwards too this Morning,, 
without Premeditation; pretty good that too. But 
then J {tumbled coming down Stairs, and met a Weafel \^ 
bad Omens thofe ! Sfwnc bad, fome gopd ; oir Lives 
are ckecquered : Mirth and Sorrow, Want and Plenty^. 
Night and Day, make up our Time. — But, in troih,^ 
I am pleafed at my Stockings very .well pJeafed at mj 
Stocking! — Oh, here's my Micceli-— Sirrah, go lell Sir 
Sampfon Legend V\\ wait on him if he!& iat lieifufe.-r-'Ti» 
now three o'Clock, a very good Hour fbr J^uljncfs^ 
Mercury governs this Hour.. ' 

SCENE ., ik^ •. 

AifGEUCA, FoRBSIG-HT, NURSE, 

' Ang, Is it notagood Hour forPleafure too. Untie? 
Pray lend me yoUrCoich ; mine'-s out of Order. 

Foref. What, would you be gadding too ? Sure all 

. Females are mad To-day. — It is of evil Portent, and 

J L' 5 • bodes 



\ 



756 Z6rt¥ OR LOVE. 

bodo ICtlcliief «> tir Mifterof a Famity.-^I retufot* 

and tbtts tnmilated by a BjCfciaid Badth^baaf/lttn 
Baid: 

fl^^ Himjcw^ uB tie B^firjike^ 
Amittave gcoa Mtf^ h hrwon^ latf^ 
H^Hhntfn Gmk^ thm Jr //>Sw^ * 

Afu^vtshen the Ifeai iijkt inGrtwiM^ 
Vo marty if if tftjrmtfid fiMnd. 

Pruitful, the Head fruitful: that bodes Bonis; At' 
Prui: of the Head is Hbrui !*— Bear Niece, ftay ac 
Horae-*ifef 'l^'tbe Head of the Houfe is roeant tfcc 
Huifaand ; fbe Prophecy >?^ ^^ Explanation. ' ' 

'.A^;- Well; but lean neither nroke yoa a CtitfccJW, ^ 
Uncle, bv going abroad i rkft fecure you from b^ng ^ 
one, by itayiog atWome. " "* 

'Fcrcfi: Yes, yes ; ^whih^ thcre^s one Woman left, the , 
Prophecy is ttor i ij foil Force. 

Afi9. But tny Inclinations are m Force. I have a,. 
Minato ijo abroad ; and if you won't lend rtic Jrouf 
Coach^ 111 take a llackney, or a Chair; and leav«' 
you^ to er^dl a^ Scheme, and find who's ^n- Gdnjuac- , 
tion' with ymtr Wife. Why don^typu kefep her at 
home; if you're jealous of her when (h'6*s abroadf 
Yauknow myAunr is W little retropfacfe fa J you calt 
it)'iq her iNaiure. Uncle, Tm afraid yotf are ttoi 
IJord ofthe Afcendant ! ha,, ha, ha f 

/V^,"\(Vell, Jifl-flirt, }^ou*arfe v^ ^rt— and al*- 
wajs ndicyling that celelbal Science. 

^ti^. NayrPncle, donVbc aagi^r.-^^If jkhi arejll 
ita6\jp,jill ypurfalfe Pj-ophccics, ridiculou6 D^gams,. 
and idk . divinations. Til fvycar> you. are a Nyifancc 
to the Neighbourbood.— IWhat a Bufile did you keep^ ' 
againft .the IMV invifibte Eclipftj laying in Pr6vifi6n 
ai it were for a Siege ! Wbai a World of Fitie^tid' 

Candle, 



LO VB FOR IrO VB ip 

Ciiidte^ Matches anrf TiacfevtoKs, did you purchaie t 
One would have thought we were ever after to live 
under Qroun^ ; op at leaft makVng'a Voyage to Greene 
imtd!, to inhabit there alt the dark Seafon.. 
ArgC Why, you'tnathpert^Slut f 
Ak^ Will you lend me your Cxich } or HI go 
en.— -Nayj Fll declare how you propheiied Popery 
waa copning, only because the Butler had miilaid ibme' 
of the AjS^Hc-SpooiMw and thought they were loiU 
Away went Religion and Spoon-meat together !— •!&• 
deed, Uncle^ III indite you for a Wizarcu 

Forefk How^ Httily! wa» there ever fuch a provo- 
king Mijix? 
^iyr/?. O merciful Either^ how /he talks l* 
Ang. Yes, I can make Oath of your unlawful Mid^ 
night Pra£tice8 ; you and the old Niirfe^ere. 

liurje. Marry, Heaven defend!—! at Midnight 
PnufHces ! — O Lord, what's here to do? — I in iin- 
kwful IX>ing9 with my Maftcr't Worthip f — Why, did= 
vou ever hear the like now ?— Sir, ^d c^rtt I do any 
rhing of your Midnight Concerns — but warm your . 
Bed, andtuck^ you up>, and fet the Candle and your 
Tobacco-box and 3^r Urinal by you, and now andt 
then rub. the Soles of your Ffeet ?— -O Lord, I !— 

Afig, Y«9-, I faw yoU' together, through the Key«- 
hole of the Clofet, one Night, like &?W and th^ Witch.' 
of BftMry turning tlie Sieve andSheersi atid pricking; 
your Thumbs, to write poor innocent Servients Names, 
m Blood, about a little Nutineg-grarer, which ihe had, 
fergot in the Caudle-cup.— rNayi,. I know ibnietlung, 
worfe, if I would fpcak of it I 

Forffi I defy you, Hu% ; but. 1*11 remember this* 
ni bo WY^nged onyoit, CodcjitricejHl hamper you* 
—You have your Fbrtilne in your own Han d^—ba^ 
I'll find » ws^ to roakio^ y^us^ Lover, yoiir. pro^gaj ' 
Spendthrift Gfajjant, ^aiehnne^pky for zli, t WUU ^ ' \ 
, Angf^VfiW, yoii ?'I car6^pot(, bufall'lhitiout tU^n,-^ 
Looktait^ Niii&j Icah.bribg ,Witne&tiik^ ypuKa^V 



2SZ LOVE FOR LOVE. 

a great unnatuml Teat imder your Left Arm, and he 
auother ; and that yoM fuckle a young DevH^ in the 
Shape of a Tabby-cat, by TTurns ; I can. 

Nurje. A Teat, a Teat, I an unnatural Teat ! Othe 
falfe llunderous Thing ! Feci, feel here, if I have any 
Thing but like another Chriftian ! [Ctying. 

Forejl I will have Patience, fince it is the Will o£ 
the Stars I fhould be thus tormented — ^this is the Effed 
of the malicious Conjunctions and Oppofitions in the 
Third Houfe of ray Nativity ; there the Curie of 
Kindred v%as foretold.— But I will have roy Doors., 
locked up-— 111 punifh you ; not a Man (hall enter my 
Houfe. 

Jng, Do, Uncle, lock thera up quickly, before my 
Aunt come home — ^you'll have a Letter for Alimony 
To morrow Morning ! — But let me be gone fiv\\ ; and 
then let no Mankind come near the Houfe t but con- 
verfe with Spirits and the Celeflial Signs^ the Bull„ 
and the Ram, and the Goat. Blefe me! there are a 
gieat many horned Beafls among the Twelve Signs, 
Uncle 1 But Cuckolds go to Heaven ! 

Foref But there^s but One Virgin among the Twelvr 
Signs, Spit- fire !— but One Virgin ! 

j^g, JNor there had not been that One, if (he had 
had to do^ with any Thing but Aflrologcrs,- Uncle V 
That makes roy -Aunt go abroad. 

t^ef, "How ? how ! is that the Reafon ? Come^ 
you know fomcthingj tell me, and 111 forgive you ; 
do, good Niece.—- Come, you (hall have my Coach and 
Hories — faith and troth, you ihall. — Does fny Wife* 
complain? Come, I know Women? tellone another. — 
Slie is young and fanguine; has a wanton Hazel Eye^s 
and was "bom under Gemini^ which may incline her 
to Society ; fhie has a Mole upon her Lip, with a 
moift Palm, and an open Liberaility oa the Mduar of 
Venus* 

Xr/jf.Ha, ha, ha! « >. 



LOVE F OR L O V E. zsf 

. Fprrf. Do you laugh? — ^Wcll, Gentlcwomaa, J'll^-- 
But come, be a good Girl, don't perplex your poor 
Unclcl TeU me— won't you fpeak? Odd, ril— . '- 

S C EN E IV. 
[To them] Servant. 

Serv, Sir Sampfon is coming down, to wait upon: 
you, Sir. » 

Ang, Good b'ye, Unde^ — ^all me a Chajr. — VVL 
find out my Aunt> and tdl her, ihe m^ift not come 
home. 

Foref^ I am fb perplexed and vexed, I am not fit t» 
receive him ; I (hall fcarce recover inyfelf before the 
Hpur be pall. Go, Nurfe; tell Sir SamffiriyVm ready.' 
to wait on him. 

¥urfe. Yes, Sir, ^ , . 

Forej\ Well — wl»y, if I was born to be a Cuck- 
old, there's no more to be faid ! — He is here already » 

SCENE V, 

Foresight, and Sir Sampson Legend ivlt/y a 
F,a^r. 

Sir Sampfon Legend, Nor no more to be done, old 
Boy ; that is plain— here it is, I have it in my Haiid,. 
old Ftolemy ; I'll ipakc the ungracious Pv-odigal know 
urho begat him ; I will, old l^ojirodamus, What» I 
warrant, ray Son thought nothing belonged to a Father,, 
but Forgivenefs and Aifeclion ; no Authority, no 
Correjftion, no arbitrary Power— nothing to be done, 
but for him to otfend, and me^ to pardon ! I warrant 
you, if he danced till Doomsday, he thought I wa^ to. 
piiy the Piper. Well, but here it is- under Black and 
White, Jignatumy figillatum^ and d^hratum'^'-^iia3A»i as 
foon as my »Son Benjamin is arrived, he is- to make 
oyer to him his Right of Inheritance. Where's my 
Daughter that is to be— ha! old Merlin tBoiy of 



i/4 LOVE FOR LOVR 

mty Vm for {^ Tm mug^ on this imcTudfuI 
Rogue I. 

Fifref. Odfo, let me ftt ; fet me fee the Paper*— ^ 
Ay, faith and trotl^ here bis, H k will but hold— -^ 
I wi(h Things were done, and the Conveyance 
made.— Whett wii»thi» figned^ what H<Hir? Odfo^ 
voifrihoiMhare c^afiiltedme fi>r ^ Timcb Well, 
but well make haile* 

Sir Siimf^ Uaile; 2^ ay^ Hafle enons^ > ^J ^^ 
Stu Will be in Town Tomight— I have ocderra my 
Lawyer to draw up Writings of Settlement and Join-. 
lure— dl (hall be doi»^To^gbt.-^No Matter for the 
Tkne; jw'ythee, Bsother Forefyht^ leave Superffi- 
l{oii.«--Pox o*th' Time";, there's no Time but the Time 
prefent ; there*is no more to be faid of what's pafi ; aiui 
all that is to come will happen. If the Su^ ihine by 
Diiy, and the Stars by Night-^why, we (hall know 
one another^s Faces without the Ifelp of a. Candle ; aad. 
that's all ihe Stars are good for. 

Forejl How, how. Sir Smnffinf that ^ ? Give mc 
]fteave to contradid you, and tell you, you are ig* 
noianr. 

Sir Smnpfi I tdl you, I am vhTc : and Sapiens Jomina'- 
MiurAftrisi there^sZ^//c^faryou>tQprove^it» and an 
Ai^oment to confound, your J?/?^<wm/,-— IgnoraAU--*; 
J tell you, I have tn^veled, old -Fiftrq^, a^d; know tjbcs 
Globe. 1 have ieen th^ 4ntipo4es wheipe. the Sun, 
rifes at Midnight, and fets at Noon-day. 

Jl?r§^ButItellyou, J. have traveled, atid traveled, 
iXL the CeleiVial i|k^^> know the Sij^s and the 
Flanets^ and their Honfes; can judge of AjJot-ioA? Di- 
TtSt an4, Retrograde, of Sextils^ ^adrates^ Tribes 
s^OfpoJkkWf Fiery Trigom^, and A^uatical 7?r/jv»j; ,. 
know whether Life (hall be long or (hpKt, ^happy o», > 
uahapp39 ; whether l)ifeiUea and curabk or incurable ; 
if JottBiiejsa Arfl be..pso%)e!vus, Ucdeutakings fucr 
cefifuU orGoods flote? iQwJxered; I k^w^. , t 



\ 



tOTE Fait: tavR *jf 

' Sir AMuj^ I knfbvrthe hmgtk^f ^9 Emperor of 
^iWjFocxt bsvekiiied iheGrM^ A^«/V Slipper, 
and rid a hunting upon an El^^ant wi(b the Chan^ 
of ToNoiy.'^BcSy <^mt^ I haire ms^ a Cuckold of a 
King ; and the prefent Majefty of Bantam is the Ifluo, 
^f tkefeLoins. 

Fm^Jl I know when Trawrckm. Ke or fpcak Trutbji, 
when they don^ know it tfacmCelves. ' 

^v[ Samftf. I \iwz kaown an Aftrokifi^er made a 
Cuekold in the Twinkling of a Star; and ieen a Con* 
juror, that could not keep the Devil out of his Wife's • 
Cihrle. 

Fore/.VI\kAtt does he twit me with my Wife too? 

I muft: be hotter informed of this. [^deJl^^Do you 

meait my W^io^ Sir Sam^fim^ Though yoa made a 

. Cuckold o^ theKingof i/^/tfXw, yet by the JBody of 

the Stin— 

Sir Samff, By tlie Moms of iht Moon, you 'would 
fey. Brother C^r/r^tt. 

Fore/l C^ricom in your Teeth, thou rnqdern 
MandeviUd^ Ferdtnami'Mtrndex Pmm was but a Type 
of thee, eheu Liar of the firil Magnitude. Take 
hack your Papei of Inheritance^ fend your Son to 
Sea again, rll wed my Daughter to an F^gyptian 
Mummy, ere fhe (hallincorporate with a Contemner 
of Sciences, and a Defamerbf Virtut. 

Sir Sampf* Bo^b*mc, J have gpnc too far — \ muft . 
not provoke honeft Mumdxar.'^hxi Bgyftian Mum* - 
my is an illuftrious Creature, my truily Hierogly* 
phick; and may have Significations of Futurity about 
him; 6dlbud, I would my Son were an jblgyfti4» 
Mummy for thy Sake* w hat,, thou art not aogiy 
fcr a Jeft, my good ISi^^r-^I reveresKr^ 4he Sun* 
Moon, and StaA, with j^ my Heart.: — SNht^i Til 
m^e thee a Preiem of aMumsny. Now I think on>t. 
Body o*me^ I have a Shoulderof an J^^j|^/Mr/v Kin^ 
that 1 purloined from one of the I^rramids, powdered 
lyick Hieroglyphicks; thoa (hak have k brought 

homo 



tsS LOVK FOR LOVE. 

home to tby Houfe ; and mike an Ptttertaiimient for 
an the Fhibmotbs^ and Students in Phyfick and Afbo- 
lo^, in and about Landoiu 

roref. But what do you know of my Wk^ Sir 
Sampjhn? 

Sir Sampf. Thy Wik is a Conftellation of Yimies;, 
ihe is the Moon, and thou art fk»t Man in the Moon : 
nay, (be is more iUitftrious than the MoOn ; for (he bas- 
her Chafliry, without her Inconfhmcy : 'sbud, I was 
but in Jeft. 

SCENE VI. 
[To them] Jekemy.^^ 

Sir Samp/, How now? who fent fet you, ha ? what 
would you have ? 

Fortf. Nay, if you were but in Jell 1= — ^Who's that 
Fellow ? I don*t like his Phyfiognomy. 

^\x Samp/, [to Jeremy.^ My Son, Sir? what Son. 
Sir? mj Son Benjami/tey ha? 

Jfr, No, Sir Mr. Falentine^ my Mafter ; — it is the 
fir ft Time he has been abroad fince his Confinement,, 
and he comes to pay his Duty to you.. 

Sir Sampf, WeU, Sir. ' 

SCENE VII. 

FoREsroHT, Sir Sampson^ Valentine, Jeretmly* 

• Jer. He is here. Sir. 

Fdenu Your Bleffing, Sir ! 

Sir &j«5y: You've had it already. Sir;: I think I 
friit it you To-day in a Bill of Four Thoufand Pounds. 
—A great deal of Money, Brother Forcfight ! 

Fore/I Ay, indeed. Sir Samp/on^ a great deal of 
Money for a young Man ; I wonder what h« can do 
with it .*- 



LO V R FOR LO V E. zst 

. Sir Samji/: Body o'me, fo -do I. — -Hark ye, Fa- 
lentincy if there be too much, refund the Superfluity > 
doft hear, Boy ? 

Falent. Superfluity, Sir! it will fcarce pay my 
Debts. — I hope you will have more Indulgence, than 
to oblige me to thofe hard Conditioris which my Ne- 
ceffity ligned to. 

^u Samp/, Six \ how? I befeech you, what were 
you pleafed to intimate, concerning Indulgence ? 

Falent^Why^ Sir, that you would not go to the 
Extremity of the Conditions, but releafe me at leall 
from forae Part. 

Sir Samj^, O, Sir, I underibnd you — that's all, ha ? 

Vdlent, Yes, Sir, all that I prefume to alk. — ^But 
what you, out of Fatherly Fondnels, will be pleafed 
to add, (hall be doubly welcome. 

^\x SamffY^o Doubt of it, fweet Sir, but your 
filial Piety and my fatherly Fondnefs would fit like two 
Tallies.— Here's a Rogue, Brother Forejight^ makes a 
Bargain under Hand and Seal in the Morning, and 
. would be releafed from it in the Afternoon ; here's a 
Rogue Dogi here's Conference and Honefty! This 
is your Wit now, this is the Morality of your Wits t 
You are a Wit, and have been a Beau, and may be 

a ^Why Sirrah, is it not here under Hand and 

Seal ? — Can you deny it ? 

Valent, Sir, I don't deny it. 

Sir Samjf, Sirrah, you'll be hanged ; I fliall live to 
fee you ^oi\^ Holhonrn-HilL — Has he not a Rogue^s^ 
Face? — Speak, Brother; you uaderftand Phyfiog- 
nomy, a hanging Lopk^ to me— of all my Boys the 
mort unlike me ; he has a damn'd Tyhnrn Face, with- 
out the Benefit of the Clergy. 

Forcf, Hum ! — truly, I don't care to difcourage a 
young Man — he has a violent Death in his Face ;. 
but I hope no Danger of hanging. 



jjS tO'VE FaR LOVE 

FalenU Sir, is tBis U(a^ for your Son ?— For that 
old Weatbcr-headed Fool, I kaow how to laiigK M 
him; t»u^ you* Sijp— -^ 

Sir 4^;m^ Vou,^ Sir; and: you, ffir, — ^Why, wh^ 
areyou, Sir ^ 

/^/lA Tour Son, Str. 

Sir Sam^. That'& mqrc thaa I kngxWf Sir; jmd I b€^ 
licvenot, ,. . . 

/^/i/. Faith, I hope not. 

Sir Sam0'. U^af, would yon Iwrc your Mother » 
Whore? did you ever hear the Kke? did you erct 
bev the like? Body ©'me-— 

Faknt. I would have an Excufk for your Barharity 
and unnatural Ufagr. 

Sir Samff. Bxcufef— laipudencef "Why, SJrrah^ 
inayn,*( I dowh^t I plea^e^ are not yau nay Steye? 
did not I beget you r and onght not I have chbien 
whether I wouldhave tx^l you or no } Qoons^ who 
are you I whence came you r what brought you iiup^ 
the World.? how came you here. Sir ? here, to ihnd 
hei^e, upon thofe two Legs, and look ered with th|ft 
audacious Face, hah? AnfWer roe that« Did you 
come a Volunteer into the World ? or (Kd I, with the 
^wfiil Audiority of a Parent, pre(s. you ta the, 
Service? 

Faknul know xib. more why I came, tliaB yom db 
why you called me. But here I am ; and if you donlr 
mean to provide for me, I deiire you would leave oje, 
as yoa found me. 

Sir Samff* With all my^ Heart, Come, unease, ftrip^ 
9nd go naked out of the WoM as you came into it* 

Fakxt.My Cloachs are foon put off— but you muft 
^o divefl me^f siy Reafbn, Thought, FalSons» In- 
cUnations, Afiedions, Appetites, Senfes, and the 
huge Train of Attendants that you begot aloiig with 
me. 

SirSaif^/. Body o'me, what a many*headed' Mook 
Iter have I propagated I 



f^ikm. I'sm, oi vtnyhWy » plaUi, €aiy» flmple 
€reatntt; aad t5 bt kept ^ fhiall Expence : but ilt^ 
Rietimie t)ia» yoii gave m^ are ci«vi«|R and inviiicible ; 
they are fo many Dft vHt that yo«i baiw raifcc^ and wilt 
liave Emplpym^iik ' 

Sir ^«;n^. Oons, what had 1 to do to get Chtldl^n ?«->' 
cant » pinva^ei Man te born without all thefe Fdkw- 
tn ^— Why nothing under an £niperor (hould be bdi^ 
with Appetites* — Why, at this Kate, a Fellow that 
has boe a Gfoat in his Pocket nhay haiire a Stcnnach 
capable of a Ten Shilling Ordinary. 

Jenw^k Nay that's as clear as the Sun; 111 make 
-Oath of it before any JuiVice in MidMefe^. 

^\r Sampfon. HereTs a Cormorant toof— *S'h^it 
^is: Fejlow was- not born with youi^^ did noe bege(i 
him, did I? 

ycnm. By t^ ProTi^n ^aiV made for me^ you 
migJK ttavter b^ot me too.— »Nii5s and to teU^ your 
Worfhip another Truth, I believe you did; for 1 find 
Iwaa bom wttir i^tvo/k Ikme whorefon Appetttc» too 
diat mif MaAer ^3eak6 of. , 

^x Sdntp^ Why look you there now^l— ^111 mainfmn 
if; i^at^ hr the Rule of right Res^m, this FeRow^ 
#Q|^t to h^e been born without » Paferte.-^— *S'beart^ 
imr Ihoald he do with^ a diiiinguiihing 'Vfi^Ctl — ^I 
Urantuii now^, he\i rather eat a Ph^iant, tlwn »^ece 
rf pooi^ 3^iyfoi*— and fmdl, now ; why, I warrant, he 
«M (kieft, aad lores Perfumes- above a Stink. — Why 
there's it ; and Mufick-— don't you k>v& Mufidc, 
Scoundrel ? 

Jeremy. Yes, I hai^e a reafonable good Ear, Sir, 
^ to J*^ ao^ Country Dances, ai^ the like; I 
don't much matter your Soloes ot Sonanfs/^ they give 
me the SplccHf 

Sh- Smrtf^. 'Mle^leen? ha, ha^ ha F A Pox confound 
you l-^Scws or S^TMtc^rP Oons, whofe Son are you ^ 
How were yo\x engetklered, Mucfc^vorm f 



s6o LO VE-^ FOR LOVE; 

JereTrrf. \ am, by my Faebcr, the Son of a ChaiT' 
man; my Motker fold Oyilen in Winicr, andCu^ 
cumbcn in SumiDa- : and I came up Stairs into the 
World; for I wa» boco in a Cellar. 

f&rcf. By your Looks, you fhouid go up Stairs oul 
ci the World too. Friend. 

Sir Samfjl And if this Rogue were anatomized 
noi¥, and difTeded^ he has his Ve&ls of Digeftioi 
and Concoction, and fo fonh. Urge. enough lur the 
jnfide of a Cardinal ; this Son of a Cucumber! — Tbcfe 
Things are unaccountable and unreafonable. — ^Body 
o'me, why was not I a Bear, that my Cubs might have 
lived upon fucking their Paivs ? Nature has been prq^ 
-vident only to Bean and Spiders: the qne has its Nu- 
triment in his own Hands ; and the other fpins hit 
Habitation out of his own Entrails. 

Vaknu Fortune was provident enotigh to fupply all 
the Neceifities of my Nature, ii' I had my Right of 
inheritance. 

Sir Samff, Again lOons, han*t you Four Thou- 
fand Pounds ? — if I had it. again, 1 would not give 
thee a Groat. — What, wouldft thou have me turn 
Pelican^ and feed thee out of ray owa Vitals ?— ^ 
Odfticart, live by your Wits— you were always fond 
of the Wits. — Now let's fee if yv)u have Wit enough 
to keep yourfelf. — Your Brother will be in Town To- 
night, or To-morrow Morning ; and then look you 
perform Covenants : and fo your Friend and ServaoU 
,— Come, Brother iV^/f^-^A „ , 

SCENE viir. 

Valentine, Jeremy.' 

Jeremy. I told you vvhat your Vifit would come tOr 

Fakn^^ 'Tis as much a& I expected -rl didlfliot'-^roe 

to fee liim: 1 came . to -^«?^i;V<» ; byt, fmce f<he ,was 

gone abroadi it vvas eafily turned another Way^, and 

at leaft looked well ou my Side. What's herei Mrs. 

Forefi^it 



\ 



L Q VE. FOR love; 




Toreji^bt and Mrs. JTrail! They are earacft- . 
avoid them.^^-Oome this Way, and go and inqu 
When AngtUca will return^ 

S C E N E IX. 

Mrs. Foresight and Mrs. Frail. 

"Mrs. Frail, What have you to do to watch me? 
^Slite, ru do what I pleafe. j 

Mrs. Forej: You wiH ? 

Mrs. Frail, Yes, marry^ will I. — ^A great Piece of 
Bufinefs,' to goto Cmknt-Qarekn Squai-e in a Hackney- 
coach, and take a Turn with one's Friend ! 

Mrs. Forejl Nay, two or three Turns, I'll take my 

Mrs. Frail. Well, what ifl took Twenty! — I war? 
rant, if you had been there, it had been ony innocent 
Recreation \ — Lord, whereas the 'Comfort ot this Life, 
if we can't have the Happinefs of converfing where 
-wc like? i - 

Mrs. Foref, But can't you converfe at home?— - 
lowii it^ I think there's no Ha()pinefs like converfing 
with an agreeable Man j 1 don't quarrel at that, nor I 
don't think but your Converfation was very innocent. 
But the Place is public; and to be feen with a Man 
In a Hackney *coach is fcandalotis. What if any body 
elie (hould have feen you alight, as I did ? — How caa 
any body be happy, while they are in perpetual Fear 
of^ being Icca aiid cenfured? — Befides, it would not 
only refle«ft upon you. Sifter, but me ! 

Mrs, FraiL Pooh, here's a Clutter » — Why ftiouM 
it refle<St upon you ? — I don't doubt but you have 
thought yourfdr happy in a Hackney-coach before 
now>— If I had gone to Knights-Bridge^ or to Cfjelfia^ 
or to Spring-Garden y or Barn-Elms^ with a Man alone 
•^fomething might have been faid. 

Mrs. -For^ Why^ was I ever in any of thofe 
Places ? What do you mean. Siller? 

Mrs. 



t5« LOVB FOR I. a YE. 

Mis. JFWii/. Wai I ^ WlMtt (b >M«iieta? 
MruF^. ¥auluHebeeA«tMir€t(e4>kcB. 
fdxs. FraiL IatawdriePla6e» andwkhaMui? 
Mrs. Fert/: I fumxyfe foa would aot »> alone to 

Mre. Fr4uA The tfWifs End! Wlutt, do you mean 
io banter (he ?^ 

Mis. Fmrtf. Pbor IiiaoceBtl yoB don\ kiKiw that 
there is a Plitce called the WmiiPs^Ewdr PU ftmr^yoa 
can keep your Coimienance purely ; you'd nudce an ad** 
tnirablenayer! 

MxuFiyuL V^tmm^ you have a gneat deal of 
Confidence^ and ia tof Mxai too hmck for the 



_ Irs. Fare/. Very well, that will appear wfaa hdl 
snoft 1 70U never we«e at tbe Wmdfs-^nii . 

Mrs. jPmi7. lia. ,.> . 

JMrs. F4PF^ Yotf^denykpofidyeljco^f^JFaoe^ > 

M rs« JFnu/, Yott^Face! wkatVytHU-face? 

Mrs. jRwi^. No Matter for that, it*8 as g^ t Face 
•asvoors* 

Mrs. FrmL liot hy a Docen Yeacs Weeaiagii^ 
^ot I dofdeoy ttpofitWdy to your Face dien* 

Mrs* F$r^. Ul aUow you now to £ni Fault withjiny 
Fac^f fory iVfiscttr, your Impude^oe has put ttieiout 
<j( Commaanee*— But look you heis noWir^HwrheitB 
<did you lofe this Gold Bodkm? (^ 6lfter| Si^lo:! 

M^ Frill/. My B^kin^. 

^rs. F#r^ Nay, ^ yows ; look at it. 

Mrs. Fr4iiL WdV if you go tt> that, where did yoju 
iliBddiis Bodkin?— Ohy Siftsr, Siflsr !«-«Siiler every 
Way! 

Mrs. Fotrf: O, Deril on't! ^t t eould not dif* 
(Mverher, without betraying nnriclf! l^de* 

Mrs. Fraifi I iiav^ Kefl^ <ientleineii vAy^ Skkr, 
that one ihould take gveat Case, when one makes ji 
TJvufl in F«nang» oot to lay open oAe!sifelft 

e Miv. 



LOVEv FOa LOVE, t^ 

Mt^Forff. It is vciytrtte,5iftcr. Well, itnce ali't 
^ut, an^y as you lay, lince wt are both wounded^ lee 
its do wkiat 18 often done in Duels* take Caie of one 
;lnothery and grow better Friends than belore. 

Mrs. Fr^L With all my Heart. Ours are but flight 
flefli Wounds ; and, if we keep them (mm Air, noc 
^t all dangerous. Well* -give me your Hand, in Token 
of fiftcrly^ecrecy and Afte^ion. 

Mrs. F^Tf/. Here it is, with aO my Heart. 

Mrs. Frait Well, as an Eailiefl of Friend(hi|) tmi 
Confidence, TU acquaint you with a Defign that I have* 
To tell Truth, and fpeak openly one to another, I'm 
afraid the World have obferved us more than we hav« 
obferved one another. You have a rich Huiband, and 
are provided for : I am at a Lofs^ and have no great 
Stpcic eith^of Fortune or Reputation, and therefoit 
ibuH look iharply about me. Sir Sitm/oa has a Son, 
that is expelled To-nj^t; and» by the Account Ihave 
heard of his Education, can he no ConjuFcr. The 
Edate, you know, is to be madeovtsr to him«^— Nbw» 
if I couki wheedle him, Siikr, ha? you janderilaBdi 
cie? 

Mrs. Fiffr^ I do ; and will nelp you, to the utmoft 
of mv Power. — And I can tell you one Tiling thdt falls 
out luckily ^noi^h ; my aukward Daughter*in-LAw« 
who, you know, a defigned to be his Wife, is growa 
ibnd of A&. Toitki now, if we can improve that, and 
m^e her have an Averfion for the Boobv, it may go a 
great Way towards his likiogjroci. Here liiey come 
together ; and let us (Contrive tome' W^y or other xm 
leave them together. 

8 C E N E X. 

Mift Prar. Mothofi Mother* Mother, kiok yoia 
here, 

Mrs, 



-264 LOVE rOR LOVE. 

Mrs. f&rtf. FV, fie, Bfifk, lioir jdq bawl! — Befides, 
I Itfre told joo, yiMi mu^ nor cdl me Modicr. 

Mifs Prmt. What mitil I caO joa dien ? are 700 not 
iTTjr Failier's Wife? 

Mrs. f#ri^ Madfln ; yoa moft (af Bifadaiii.-^y 
my Soul, I (hall fancy mjidf old indeed, to have the 
great Girl call ine Bifochcr. — Wcfl but, Mils, what are 
yon fo oTcr-Joycd at? 

Mi6 PrB^. Look you here. Madam, then, wiiat 
Mi^. Taitle has given me. — ^Look you here, Coufin ; 
here's a Snoff-Box; nay, diere's Snutf in*t — heie, 
will you have any r — oh good ! how fwcet it is !•— 
Mr. 7auU is all orcr fweet ; his Peruke is fweet, and 
his Gloves are fweet — and his Handkerdiief is fweet, 
pure Iweet, fweeter than Rofes. — Smell him. Mother 
-^Madam, I meaiL<— He gave me this Ring, for a 
Kifs. 

^att, O fie. Mils, you mull not kiis, and tell. 

Mi& Frut. Yes ; I may tell my Mother — and he 
fays heU give me fomething to make me fmell fo. — 
Oh, pray lend roe your Handkerchief. — Smell, Couiin ; 
he uvs, hell give me fomething tha^ will make my 
Smocks fmell this Way. — Is not it pure? — It's better 
than Lavender, mun.^ — rm reiblved I won't let Nurie 
put any more X>avender among my Smocks— <4ia, 
Coufinf 

Mn. fraiL Fie, Mifs ; amongCb your Linen, yoa 
muft fay— you muft never fay Smock* 

Mifs Frue. Why, it is not Bawdy, is it, Coufin ? 

^att. Oh, Madam ! yon are too fevere upon Mifs : 
you muft not find Fault with her pretty Simplicity ; it 
becomes her fb-angely. — Pretty Mifs, don't let them 
perfuade you out of your fnnocency ! 

Mrs. ForeJ\ Oh, demm you, Toad!---I wiih you 
don't perfuade her out of her Innoccncy. 

^atu Who I, Madam ?-»-G Lord, how can your 
Ladvihip hare fuch a Thought ?—fure you don't knoW 
me f 

Mrs, 



X V E F Oil XO VE- a65 

Ux%. Frail. Ah, Dcvil, % DcvU !— He's ai dofe, 
fiiiler, as a Confeflor»— Ht; thiiiki we doa*t obime 
liim. 

Mrs. 2Vf/r A cunning Cur! how foon he conld 
find out a ffdh harmlefs Creat«fe-»and left us,: Si Atc^ 
.prdently. 

91///. Upon "Reputation— 

Mn. /57r$fC They*re all fo, SHter, nhefe TVlen— they 
4ove to have the fpoiling of a yoivag Thing; they are 
-as fond of it, as of being irrft tn the Fafiiion, or fit 
&eing a new Play the firft Day •-—'I warrant, it would 
break Mr. Tattlers Hearty to think that any body cl^ 
:iQiould be before-hand with «hinv ! 

Tatt. Oh Lord, I fwear I would not for the 
WoHd— 

Mrs, FraiL O, hang you ; who'll believe yotr?-^ 

"You'd be hanif-d before you'd confers — ^we know you— 

flie's very pretty !— Lord, what pure' Red and White ! 

-•—(he looks fo ^vholefo^le; — ne'er Hir, I. don't know, 

but I fancy if I were a Man— 

Miis Pme, How yoiriove to jeer oBe,vCoufiii! ' 

■Mrs. For^ Hark'ee, Siller— by ray Soul, ^ the 
'Girl is fpoilcd already^-^'ye think ibfe'll ever endure 
a great lubberly Tarpawlin ? — Gad, I warrant. you. ihe 
won't let him come near her, after Mr. Tatti^. 

Mrs. FraiL On my Soul, I'm afraid nor — ^.-^h! filthy 
»':Creatwre, that fmcUs all ot Pitch and Tar ! — Devil take 
you, you confounded Toad — nhy did you fee her, 
before (he was miirried? 

-Mrs. Foref. Nay, why did we let him? — My 
Hu{band will hang us— hc4l think we brought them 
•acquaimed, 

Mrs. Fraih Come, faith, let us be gone— If my 
vBrother Forefi^ht fhould lind us with then), he'd think 
ib, lure enough. 

Mrs. Forefi So he would — ^but then leaving thejn 
together is as bad — and he's fuch a fly Devil, he^il 
aitver mifs an Opportunity. 

V4)L. L M Mr*. 



i«6 L O V E T OK LO V E. 

Mrs. FraiL I don't care; I won\ be feen in it. 

Mrs- Foref. Well, if you Ihould, Mr. Tattk^ youli 
liave a World to anfwer for: remember, I wafli roy 
Mands of it; I'm thoroughly innocent. 

S C E N E XI. 

Ti^TTJUF, Mifs PRUE. 

Mlfs Prue. What makes them go away, Mr. Tank? 
What do they mean, Ao you know ? 

Tatt. Yes, my -Dear — I think I can guefs — ^but 
-^hang tne if l know the Reafon of it. 

Mifs Prue. Come, muft not we go too ? 

^Tatt. No, no; they don't mean that. 

Mifs Prue. No ! what then ? what fhall you and 
"I do together? 

Tatu I muft make Love to you, pretty Mifs; wXi 
you let me ttk inakc Love to you ? 

Mifs Pr«/». Yes, if you pleafe. 

Tatt. Frank, egad, at leall. What a Pox does Mn. 
Forejight mean by this Civility ? is it to make a Fool 
t)f me*? or ^oes (he leave us t(^ether oj|^t of good Mo- 
rality, and do as fhc would be done b)' \ — ^Kgad, IMl 
imderftand it fo. \Afide. 

Mifs Prue. Well r knd how will ^ou make Love to 
me ? — Come, I long to have you begin. — ^Miift I make 
iove too ? You mull tdl me how. 

Tatu You nHift let me ipeak» Mifs ; you muft not 
fpeak firft. I muftalk you Queftions, and you mdd 
-anfwer. 

Mifs Prue. \%at, is it like the Catechifm?— Come 
ithen, afk me. 

^att. D'ye think vou ran love me? 

Mlfs Prue. Yes. ' 

Tatt. Pooh, Pox, you muft not fay Yes already. 
3 fhan't care a Farthing for you then, in a Twinkling. 

Mifs Pr-iic. What muft I fay then ? 

fatu 



I O V ¥ F-Q ft ]^ P V E. >a67 

Tatty, \Vhyr you m\i& %r. Npj pr, Yoji b^Uevc 
fiQt.^ or, You can't teU- .■ \ / 

Mifs Prue. Why, mufl I tdl a Lie- then ? 

7;^//. Yes, if.ypu'd be weii-bred. All well-bred 
•P^rfons lie. — Befides^ you are a Woman; you mull 
^ever fpeak wha^ you nhink : yt)ifir Words muft con- 
tradid your Thoughts ; but your Anions may co^- 
;tradi6t your Word^. So, when I i^lk you, if you can 
love nie,\you ii^ufl: 6y No; butyqu muft love me 
too, — If 1 1^11 )t>u you are ht^ndfomc, you iii^uft det^y 
'%iftiind jjiy, I flatter ypu«— But; you fiuvift think ypurfelf 
more channing thaa I fp&^k yoy-rrand -like me for 
the Beauty which I fay you have, aa much as ifjiiid 
- it rayfel^— If I aflt, you tp /klfs me, you miift be an- 
gry ;. but you muft not rcfufe;me. if I. aflc you for 
more, you muft be more atigry— bur more complying; 
SMld ay foon as ever I make you fay you'll cry bur, you 
muft be furc to hold your Tongue, 

Mifs Ffue, O Lord, -I fwear, this is.pure! — I like 
'it better than our old-fa{hioned Country Way of ii)eak- 
ing one's Mind.— And muft not you lie too ? 

Taitr HumiT— Yes^*-but.yo\i.nnift believe I fpeak 
Truth. 

J^ifs Pruc. O Gemini ! Well, I always had a greats 
Mind to tdl Lies— bu]t they fnghied me, and faid ic 
v^s a Si*i|. 

Tait. Well, my pretty Creature; will you make mc 



happy by giving me aKifs? 
MlfsPr '' 



"^rue. No, indeed ; I'm angry at you 1 

\Runs^ and kijfes hiiru 
9"^//. Hold, hold, that's pretty well — but you fiiould 
not have given it me, but have fullered me to hav<i 
taken it. 

Mils Prtu. Well, we'll do it again* 
, Tait. W^th all my Heart.**-Novv tlien, my little 
Angel. „ . [^#^ ^. 

-Mifs Prui. Pifh ! 

M z Tati. 



i5« Lt)^EwFOR LOV^ 
Tatt. Ttett's iighc — ^AgsDo, mjr Charmer 



rt aUde yo 



'MifsPrwr. O fie! nav, now I can't aHde you. 

9^//. Adminible ! That was as wdl as if you had 
Ijeen bom and bred in Cmvemt Gtirdeu;' — And won't 
you ihcw mc, \j*ctiy IGfs, where yowr Bed- 
chamber is? 

Miis Frue. f^y indeed won*r I : but Fll run therCf 
imd hide myfelf fixxn youriiehind the Cortains. 

TaU. Ill follow you. 

Mils Pmg. Ah, but I win hoU fheDoor with both 
llands, and be angry; and jqia fliaH pufli me4pwfl 
before you come in. 

Tatt. Nq,4*0 come in firft, and jxifh yim dowa 
^^terwaids. f 

Mils True. tWifl you ? Then Ptt be BM>re angry, 
and more compl3dng. ' . 

^atu Then Fll make you cry out. 

Mils Fnu. Oh but you (han't, fer Til holdttiy 
jTongue. ' 

^au. (Mi^ my dear apt Scholar ! 

Mifs Pru€. ^Well, now ill run, aiid make moce 
.Hafle than you. 

tati. .You ihaU not fly ^ &ft, as Fll purfae* 



;£Jif OF THE SSCOND ikCT. 



ACT 



tOVE FOR LOVE. ^>,, 

ACT III SCENE I.. 

N U R 8 B alotte. 

MISS, Mifs, Mif&Pnief — ^Mercy on me, manyr 
and Ajncn ! — Why, what's become of the Child >* 
•^— Why,.Mift, Mifs Forejr^it I — Sure flic has lockt hci- 
{t\i up in her Chamber, and gone to Sleep, or to 
Prayers !— Mifs, Mifsl— I hear her.— -Coirie to your^ 
Father, Child. Open the Door. — Open the lioor, 
]VIifi«-*I hear you cry Hi{fht. — O Lord, who's there ? 
Ipeeps.l — What's here to do? — Othe Father! a Muiv 
with her I— Why, Mifs, I % ; God*s my Life, here's 
i\xt Doings towards ! — O Lord, we*ie all undoi;e ! — 
O you young Harlotry! [knocks.'] — Ods my Liic! 
won't you open the Door? Til come in the bock 
Way* 

S C B N E ir. 
Tattle, Mifs Prue. 

Mifs Prue, O Lord, lhe*s coming— and flie*ll teft 
iiiy Father. What HialU do now ^ 

'Tait. Pox take her ! If (he had ftaid two Minutct* 
longer, I (hould have wiihed for her coming, 

Mifs Priu. O dear, what fliall I fay ? TeS nie, Mr. 
Rattle ; tell me a Lie. 

Tatt, There's no Occafion for a Lie ; I could never 
tell a Lie to no Purpofe,— ^But^fince we have done no- 
thing, we muft fay nothing, I think. I hear her— 
ru leave you together, and come off as you can. 

[T/jrufts her in, andjhuts the Door.. 

M 3 SCENE 



2^0 LOVE POR LOVEi 

§C.£N E IIL ' ; / , 
TATTtE, Valentine, Scandal, Angelica. 

yfygeL You cani accufe.me of Inconflancy ; I n^y'er 
tpld you tha; I love4 you. 

. Fjalf^t. j]^\it I c^n accufeyou of Uncertainty, for not 
lelBag me \vhether,you did or not. 

j^fi^^L . You miflakc Indiiference for Uncertainty | 
1 ^vtr had Concera enough to afk myfelf the 
Queftion. 

Sta/id, Nor Good-nature enough to anfwer him that 
^Hd ^fk you : TU fay that for you, Madam. . 

j^/^geL What,, are youfeiting up tor Good-naturj£ ?• 
^ ^cojjcf. OnlyforiheAfiedationofit, a3 the Womei^ 
do fi>r Ill-2;iaturc, 

j^/fgeL I'erfuade your Friend that k is all Affec- 
vatjon. 

SiamL I 0iall receive no Benefit froro the Opinion : 
for I kngw no effe^^ual pifoence between continued 
Afiq^ntion and Reality. 

Tatf. [ccming up] ^carulal^ are you in private Di& 

cour«e ^ any tiling of Secrefy ? \jAfide to Scandal. 

^ ^cand, Ye8|. but I dare irufl you.. We were talking 

i>f A/igcUcas Love -co Falefitincl you won't Ij^ak of it. 

Tatt, No, IK), not a Syllable — 1 know that's a 
£epret) for it is jwhifpercd every where.. 

Scand, Ha, ha, ha 1 

AngcL What is, Mr. Tattle ? I heard you fay fbijoe- 
thing wap whif}^red every where*. t 

Scand* Your Love of Falcntine,. 
. AngcL How \ 

-> y/i//^,I>5o*.I^adan) ;. his Love for yeur Ladyfhip--- 
Gad take mc, I beg yot^r Pardon— for \ never heard ^ 
AVord(0;^^yopr Ladyftip*s PalUcn,, till, this tnitanr.' , 

AngeL My Pa it on I— And who told you pf jpy 
PalEon,, pniy, Sir ? 

Scand^ 



LuOVE FOR LOVE.; ^7,1. 

* ScanJ. Why, is the Devil in you ? did not I tell It 
you for a Secret ? 

. Tatt, Cradfo; but I thoVight-fite might have beerr 
truiled with her own Afiairs.^ 

^canJ, Is that your Ehfcretion ? truft a Woman with: 
kerfelf? 

, Tatt, You fay true ; T beg yoiit' Pardon— IMl bring 
all off. — It was impoflible,' Madam,, for mfr to ima«- 
g'me, that a Perfon of yout ^.adyfhip^s Wit and (raU 
lantry could have fo long received thapaffionateAd- 
drefles of the accomplilhed P'alenii.ne, and yet remain 
infenCble : therefore you will pardon me, if, froniui*. 
>ull Weight of his- Merit, with your Ladyfhip's good 
Judgement, I, formed- the Bal.uice^ of a reciprocal. 
AffevStion. * ' 

^ ^ Fa/. O the D^vil ! what damned colVive Poet liai 
given thee this LefTon of Fullian to get by P>6te f" 
I Ang. I dare fwear, you wrong Kim ; it is his own- 
-—and Mr. Tattle only judges of the Succefs of others, 
from the Effeds of his own Merit; for, certainly,. 
Mr. Tattle was nevsr deniedany thing in.his JLifew- 

Tatt* O Lord ! yes indeed. Madam, feveral Times, 
i Ang. I fwear, I dpn'tthinkitis pioflible. 

Tatt. Yes, I vow and fwear, I have. Lord, Madam^ 
I'm the mod unfortunate Man in the World, and the 
moll: cruelly ufed by the Ladies, ' 

Ang. Nay, now you're ungrateful,. 

Tait^ No, I hope not. — ^It is as much Ingratitude A 
own fome Favours, as to conceal others.. \ 
, KaU. There, now it is out. 

Ang. I don't understand you now. I thought you 
had never aficed any thing, but what' a Lady might' 
modeflly grant, «nd you confefs. . 

^cand* So, faith, your Bufinefs is done herej now 
you may go brag fomewhere elfe. 

Toft. Brag! O Heavens! Why, did I name any 
body? 



Tji tOVEFORLOVt, 

jfjig. No; 1 fuppofe that is not in your Pdwerr 
Viit you vrould if you CDuk!» no Doubt on*r. 

7a/t. Not. in my Power, Madam?— Wliat! docs 
your I^adWhip mean, that 1 hare bo Woman's RqKh 
tlition in my Power? 

t'iOJid* OoDS, why vou won't own it, will you T 

[Afidi. 

Ta4t, Faith, IVIadam, you are in Ac right ; nomoro 
l.have, as I hope to he iaved^ I ncrer had it in roy 
Power to fay any Thin^ to a Lady's Prqudice in my 
Life.^ — For, as I was telling you. Madam, I have 
been the mod unfucceisful Creature living in Things « 
of that Nature ; and never had the good Fortune to 
be trufled oiyre with a Lady's Secret; not once. . 
^ jiftg. No? 

F^aL Not once, I dare atrfwer for him* 

tUa/ttL And 1^ nnfwer foriiim ; for, l*iti fore if ht 
>i:d,. he would have told me. I find. Madam, you 
don't know Mr. faftL\ 

fatt. No indeed, IMadam, you donV know roe at 
all, I find ; for fore, my intimate Friends would have 
kniwn— 

Jfig, Then it ftems you would have told, if yotx* 
had becnirufied,. 

7att. O Pox, Scandal, that V9S& too far put I-^-Nevcr, 
have' told Particular?, Madjim. Perhaps I might have- 
tallccd ds of a third Perfon — or have introduced a«. 
Amour of my own, in Converration,, by Way of, 
N6vel : but never have explain od Particulars.. 

yf//f. But whence comes the Reputation of Mr.. 
fiiuU^s Secrecy, if he tvas never trurteJ ? 

ifcdnd. Why thence it arifes.— ^The Thing is |MX)ver* 
bially fpokch ; but may be Applied to him. — As ifv^t. 
ffould fay in ^eral Terms, He only is fecret, who^ 
never Was truftcd^ afatirical Proverb upon our ^cv. 
—There is another upon j'ours— as. She is chaftei 
WhowtisitevernlkedtheQueRiom TbaiVaUv 



t d -^ r F o » £ 6-^ i. 's^j: 

/^V. A couple of very civil Proverbs^ tryly. Jtis- 
.hard to teU whether the Lady or Mr. fatfie f>c^ the 
more obliged, to you. Fs.r you fonud her Viitue' 
upon the Backwardnefs of the Men ; and Ws Secrecy 
upon the Miilruft of the Women. 
.^•fatt. Gad, it's very true, Madam; I think ive are- 
obfiged to acquijt ourfidves.— -r^d^br my iPart-^bu^r. 
your Lady (hip is^ to fpeak iirfFr ' 

Ang Am if Well,.! freely coafefi,! have refifiedv 
^ great deal of Tempwom . ' 

Tait. And, egad, I have given . fajme Teroptatlojv 
tliJ>t has not been refilled. 

r^/. Good. 

^f/g. I cite /'^te/Vr^r here, to^declare to the Gjur^ 
how fruitlefe he has found his Endeavours, and ca* 
fi^flfefs all his Solicitations and my Denials. 

FaL I am ready to pleail, Not Guilty, for your 
and Guilty,, for my felf. j 

Scand: So, why this is fairl here's i)emonflrationy: 
with aWitnefs. 

i:att. Well, my Witneffes. are not prefent.— Yet, , 
I^conlefs, I have had Favours from Perfons ; but, as? 
the Favours are numberlcfs, fo thoPerfons arc namelefs.. 

^f/??/^. Pooh, this proves nothing. 

7(Uti No? I can (hew Letters, Lockets, Picturest, 
^tid'Rings ; arid, if there be Gccaiion for, Witi^eiies,^ 
\i can "fjrpmon the Maids at the Chocolate -houfes,^ 
all the Porters at PalUMall and €ovettf.-Garden^ xhsi^ 
Door-keepers at the Play-houfe, tbe ,I)rawors at 
Lockeisj Pontack^ The Runtmcr^ Spring-gardeny mw 
own Landlady and Vakt de Cbamhre; all who (hall 
make Oath , . that I receive more Letters than tKe iSc»- 
^Gtary's COffice; and.ttet 1 have -more Vi?<)r-malks 
to enfjuire for ^me, than ever went to. fpe the jEierr- 
Hswphrodite, oxth^ naH^i Rrince.^. ^iid if/is!aoiori- 
ou$,.that, in,, ?i Country Church, pwce, ,an;Iqquir^ 
^*^^&. *^^ii^^€ who I was. It was aaifwered^. ** 1 was . 
M.5, ^'the 



5^4 L O^ V E F O R t O V EZ 

**' die fasDOus ^MUlt^ vho had nnned ^ many Wo- 

Vol. It was dicre, I fufpoie, jou got the Nidi- 
name of the Gruu Tjorl, 

TatuTrnti I was called fvrk Tatu all orer iho 
ParilK,— The ntn Swulr^ 2HX ih« old WoKcn kept 
their IXiugbtcrs at hoD^e^ and the Pax^m had not hal£ 
hi£ CoDgrcgaticn. He uoold haTe Brought me into 
the Spiriiua! Court: but I was revenged upon him, 
for he had a handrcir.e Daughter whom I initiated: 
into the Science. - But I repented it afteruards ; 
for it was talked of in Town-— And a Lady of< 
Quality, that fhail be naroekfs, in a r^gin^ Fit of 
Jealouiy, came dou n in her Coach and fix Hories, 
and cxnafed hedelf upou my account; gad, I was* 
forty for it with all «iy Heart. — ^You know whom L 
mean— <^ou know where we raffled — 

f^aU 'Sdeatb', are not you alhamed ? 

j^n^eL O barbarous! 1 never heard fo infolenta. 
Piece of Vanity S--Fie, Mr. Tank /— Fll fwear I could 
not have believed it. — Is this your Secrecy ! 

Tatt. Gt^ io^ the Heat of my Story carried me- 
beyond my Difcretion, as the Heat* of the Lady's - 
i'a'ffion hurried her beyond her Reputation — ^But I hope *" 
you don't know whom I mean ; for there were a great ! 
;nar)y La^s taifled. — Pox en't, noinc could I bite off 
i^jy Tongue. 

: Seatiti. No, don't ; for then you'll tell us no moiiSift 
Cdme, ril recominend a Song to you, upon the Hint 
of my iwb Proverbs ; and I fee one in the next Room 
that will fiDg it. [Goes to the D^or. 

Tatt* For Heaven's fake, if you \m guefs, fay no- 
thing. Gad, I'm very unfortunate! 
Sicaud. Pray fii)g the fir ft Song in the lafl new PljJiy.^ : 



s o N a 



E O V £• F O R L O V E; 2^s, 

SONG. 

^ - - I. ■ ■ '^ ■ 

, A Nymph and a Swam to Apollo onceprq^d^ 
The JS^altt ba^l been jilted^ th^ Nymph been betrayed: 
Their Ifite/tt was^ to try ifhh Oracle Antrjo 
'R\'r a Nymph that ivaschajie^ or a Bivaifi that was true- 

\ n. 

Apollo ''Mas mute J a/td had like fhanje beenpo^d^ 
Util/agefy at length he this Secret dlfcks^di 
He alone ivor^f betray^ in ixyhom^ noncwill confide^i 
And the Nymph' may bechajie\ that ha^ never been tryj^ - 

,S C BN E IV/ 

\,To tfjoii] Sir Sampson, Mrs, FftAiL, Mi/s Prue, 
and Servant, . 

Sir Samp, Is Ben come ? Odfo, my -Son Ben come ? * 
Odd, I'm glad on't.— Where is he? 1- long to i^e* 
him. Now, Mrs. Frail^ you (hall I'^e my Son Bcn.-^- 
Sody o*rfie,'he's the Hopesof myFamily-^— I h^n't it&vi ^ 
him thefe three Years — I warrant, he's grown!— Call* 
hjflf^ ia ; bwd him r make hajfte.-^riu fei|dy t9 cry foiry j 



^^. 



Irs. FraiU Now> Mifs, y^u fliali fee.youv Haf- 
band. 
' Wd^Frue. Pifli, heihall-be none, of my Husband/ 

[A/ide^toFrmh^ 
Mf8. Frail. . Jiufh] Well, he 0ian'r; le^-yp that to 
me— -I'll beckon Mr^ 7tf///i?v to ui. . ir. 

. AngeL Won't you ftay and fee yoiir Bfrptjif j-i^ 
Vol, We are the Twin Starsv and fi?niic(t 4^ne in . 
ofte3pherc; when he rifes, X mui) fet.-r^B^Jides, if I 
ihould ftay, I don't know but my Father in Good- 
awurc may prefs one t3 the immediate signing the. 
M_6. Deed 



V7« i6V« #6« gtft^a 

Idng a^ I can.— ^WdT, y<yu*ll ^rrtetb a Rei<flana^» ^* • 

-^^gil. I cannoti' Hefoiudon muft coriie td toe;^ 

I frbli never liave one i ' r 

' fScOJtti: Cbitie; VWkitne^ Wl go trtth j^ou^; Ihttiq^ 

fcmethixjg Jn ittjr Head, t6 oommomcsitte ft> you.: ' 

8 C E N E V; 

I ' \ / •) 

AngelicjIi 5/r Sampson, Tatti*?* ifet/, Frail^ 
i<i/'i Filing 

Sir Samp. What ! fs my Son yalcntine gone ? What !' 
}« b^ fn^aked off, and would ndt fee his Brother? 
T^<ere*8 'an unnatural Whelp K- there's an ilt-nat\jf^ 
Dog !^ Wbat ! were you here too, Madam^, and could- 
note keep him ? could neither toVe, nor Duty, nor na- 
tural Alfe^tion, oblige him ? 0dsbud, .Madana^ have. 
no more taiay to him; he is not worth yourJGon- 
fideration. The IJogue has not a Drachm of generdu^ 
Love about himrrr-all Int€U«ft, all Intereill b^'s ^n un-v. 
done Scoui>drel, and courts your Eflate. Bodyp*ibe, 
he does not caic a Doit for your Perfoti. 

AnvcL I am pretty even with him, Sir Sampfin\, 
for, , IT ever I could bave liked apy Thii^g in hiiri, ft' 
fhould bave been bi$ Eflate too. But, fince that's a:^^ 
the Bah's off, and ^bc naked ftook appears, . ; 

S^ir ^oiufn Cdfbud, well fpoken ; atld yoo are a wifei/ 
Woman than I thought you were: for moft yotmg 
Women nowadays are to be tethpted with a n^Jced 
Hook. 

. Angel, tf 1 marry, Sir Samp/m^ I am for a good^ 
]E^^e witb any Man,, and for any Man with a good, 
Efi^re : dierefpre, if I were obliged to make a (yhofcef . 
I declare I'd rather have yoii, than your. Soli. 




with 



¥f}^ fMeSij: ffeaft, Pm^ 111% ;^j^9^€l |v;€^] him . 
off*.. IfyDtt^iftj^l fep th^ Rqgu^ (hew hiitireji V Jjnd; make 
j[<^y^ tQ iaro^ defpon^ipj; p|4^ of Fourfcpre\fi;)^SiirT 
ticnance. Odd, I love to fee a, joujc^ ,iS|)^n(StKi;i|t 
iMTfirdi to cjiing tQ an oWlWo^ro<^^Jfor &up£qi:i,JU)(;e |yy 
round ^,dead O^-r-faitb J; do., >J iQVp ,^9 Jj^^ tl^^wt. 
liug and. cotton together^ like Jbown upon a Thiftle* 

s' C E N E X*'!;. 

Sen. Where's Father? ^ ^ . 

^^rz;^.TlfCre, Sir; his Back's toward? yoa. 
Sir Samp, My Son -ff^v/ A Rlefs thee, njjr; dear Boy f' 
Bod)' o'lTie, thou art heartily welcome*. ; , ; 
"^ffj?// nt1?^ut\you^ fiathcr; ^nd I'm g^ 

3^"* ■' ].•■■ ''^ ' < ^ 4. '■ • ' .^ ■ •'" .\] ' '.', !-• 
, $if iW^J^. Qdfhud, and I'rn glad to lee thee. JCifsr 
ipp> Boy ; kjfs me again and ^gain> dear B^etu 

[Kijp:s him*. 

Jfen. 50, fo, enough? Father.— Mefs, Pd rather 
kifs thefe Genilewoineni, 

%\v Samp,^ And fo tbou ftalt, — Mrtk AttgeUca,.^my 
^n Ben, i 

;. JBcn, . Fprfootb, : If you pleafe f \Salutes ,^rr. V^Nay^. . 
Miilrefs, I'm not for dropping Anchor herejj aboujti 
Ship, i'J&ith. |i^{^i jraiUJr-m and you too, imy 



JstiieCock-boatl To. ;; / .t^M^Mfi*-- 

' fattf Sir, you're welcomie a(horc« , //. 

Ben. Thank you, thank you, Friend, ,/\\ 

Sir Samp. Thou haft been many a weafy> League,/ 
it*//,; (incc I faw thee^ 

E^n. Eyjty^ been? been far enough, and that be alt. 
Well, Father, and haw do all at home? how. does Broi*^ 
ihpr Z?i<i, a^d Brother Falf *' 

^^$!\xlS(i^p biokLhtAy o'me, Did has been , dead 1 
;heie two Tfears, L writ yottt Word, when you Wei iC;- 
H Leghorn* ■ • . . 



tjt irOVE FXyti- LOVE. 

' JKcv. Mth, tha^f true: ■wtt, I had forgot^ Did 
is deaci, ^ joa lav. — ^WeH, and hon-? f hare a manjr 
Q^dtioBS to adk you ; vet, joo bcn*t manied :^aiiif 
Facho, beyoa? 

Sir Sitx^, No, I iBfend yoa fcaU maijy , J?w; I 
would DOC many, for tby f Jcc 

B'ftu Nay, what d^es that ignifj? — An yoa macrf 
yjii' iriy then, .111 go to So again, lb there's one 
M- Mother* an ^at be alL — Ftzy don't let me be jour. 
Hindnix:ce; e'en marry, a God's Name, antiK Wind 
iit that Ws^, As for my ^ai% mayhap 1 haveoia 
Mind to marry* 

. Mcs* PraiU That would be Pier, foch a handToiTie 
yotmg Gentkman ?' 

£e/t. Handibme! he, he, he! Nay^ fbrfboth, air 
you be for joking, m joke wiih you ; for I love roy 
Je^» an the Ship were finking, as we faid at Sea. But. 
ril tell you why J don't' muLit flanci towards Matri- 
mony. I JoTe to roam about from Port to Port, ancF 
from Land to Land : I could oever abide to be Port- 
bbundy as we call it* Now a ^lan that is married has,^ 
as it were, d'ye fee, his, Feet in ihe Bilboes, and nwy- 
h»p mayn't get them out again when he would. 
Sir Saji^, Ben is a.Wag. 

Rat. A Man that is married, d'ye fee, is qo more like, 
nnothcr Man, than a Galley-Have is like one of us free- 
Sailors:, hair chUiined toan-OaraUhisLife; andmay- 
hsip forced to tug a leaky Veflel into the Bargain. 

Sir Samp, A very Wag ! B^ is a veiy Wag; only a. 
little rough; he want$ alfttlc'poliihing. 

Mn. fyaiL Not at all ; I like his Humour mightily : 
it. is plain and honefl, I fhould like fuch a, Humoiu- iu* 
a Hufband extremely. 

Ben, Say'ii you io, foriboth ? Marn-, and I fhould^ 
like fuch a handfome Gentlewoman for a Bed-fcllo\'>- 
hugely. Hoiv fay you, Miftrefs ? would you like going 
tobca? Mefs, you*i-e a tight Vefltl^ and well rigged,: 
an you were but as well maniied. . - 

Mrs. 



Kirs. Trail. I Jhoold not ddubt thalt, if yfeu in*re 
Wifter pf me. 

Bar. But ru teU you one Thing, an ydu come lO S^a^ 
in a high Wind, or that Lady— you mayn't cany Us 
much Sail oVour Head— Top and Top Gaiknt*,'fcy> 
AeMefs! 

Mrs,.FVfl//. No? whyfoT 

Ben, Why, an you do, you may rmi the Rifk to te^ 

OTcr-fet: and then you'll carry you« Keels above*' 

Waters— he, he, he! ' ''' 

AngeL I fwear, Mr. Benjamin is the verieft Wag In. 

Nature ; an abfolute Sea Wit. 

Sir Sampfm. Nay, Ben Ijas Parts ; but, as I fold you 
before, they want ajittle poliftiing, You muH not taikc* 
any Thing ill, Madsim. 

Ben> No, I hope the Gentlewoman is not angry ; I ; 
mean all rn good Part : for, if I give a Jett, 1*11 take a. 
Jell ; and fo,. forfpoth, you may be as free with me. 

AngeU I. thank you. Sir; I am not at all offended. 
—But methinks. Sir Santpfin^ you ihouki leave him 
alone with his Millrefi. Mr. Tattle ^ we muft not. 
hinder Lovers.. 
7att^ WeU,.Mifs, I haveyour Promife. 

^ ♦ iAfide to Mlfu 

Sir Samp. Body o*me. Madam, you fay true.— Look 
you, Bcn^ this is your Millrefs.— Come, Mifs, you. 
muft not be (hame- raced ; we*ll leave you together, 

Mifs Firue. I can't abide to be left alone. Mayn't 
my Coufin Iby with me? 
'Sir &jr;77g/J», No, no. Come, let's away. 
Ben. Look you. Father, . mayhap the young Wo-» 
man mayn't take a Liking to me ! 

.^xxSamp. I warrant thee, Boy. Comc^ come, w^'il^ 
be gone. I'll venture- that. 



SCENE 



1 '•' '• J "^ ( • 1 ■, ' x 
aSb LOVE FOR L O V^E^ 

^ ' - 5 C E N E Vn. 

^Bm. Qomc^ Miih-efs, .will yoU; pleafe to fit <fewir?' 
fi^, an ^u dand a ikm a.that'n, we Oi;]]! never grapi« 
pk together. — Come, I!ll hawl a. Chair ; there, an yoi 
glcafe to fit. Ill fit by you-. 

My» Pri^r, You need not fit fo near ono-; ^^J^^ 
have any Thing to fay, I can hear you farther oft; I. 
aa't dcafV 

Bfft, Why ihat% true, as you fay, nor I an*? dumb; 
lean be heard a« far as another. — ^1*11 heave olf, to 
l^eafe you. [^Sits farther ajf."] — An \v^ w^re a League 
aiunder^ I'd undertake to hold Difcouxie with you, ao. 
*/were 9ot a main high Wind indeed^ iand fuJI in my 
Teeth. LoijlLyoiT, fcrfooth; la:?^ as it w^re, bou^ 
ioy the Laixl of Matrimony : 'tis a Voyage, d*ye fee,, 
that was none of my feeking ; I was commanded by • 
Father, and it you like of it, mayhap I mayileer into 
yo\iT Haibour-. lioxv fay you, Millrefs ? The Short 
of the Thing i5> tha^, ityou iike nic, and I like yow^ 
He jceay chance to fwing in a Hammock together. ; . . 

Mils Prue, I don't know what to (iiy to you, nor h 
dphit-carq tofpetik yyitb you at all. » 

, 1 BfKm ■ No? I'm fbi ry lor thar,-^Bat prajs why are ycHi- 
ib ftjorn/ulf ,, 

if.^Jiftf Pr3<r.: Ab long as one muil tiot i^ienk one** 
Mind, one had better not fpeak at all, I think; and 
iruely Iwor't; tdl a Lie for the ?4attcr. 
^BfHi Nay, you fay true in that;, it's but a Folly \p 
lie.; for to (peak oweThiqg, ai^ to ^hiiik juft the c^pj 
trary Way^vi9[, ask H^ere, to iook r^ir^ W^y, vXinc^i,^ 
fow ^iwtben ., Now,. for my^Pafjr,^rti!>e.f€4^ JVt>'&|;^ 
Cariying Thieg^-above Hoard ; I'm i^\ fp^vket?»i^ 
arty 'tHing»y ndex. Hatches — (b tha%. if you , . beQ^f j,fl> 
Hfimng 5*s I, fay fo, a God's Name \ there's no Harm 

•ioDC., 



E OYK F O R LP V E; zfh 

') .10 ^ p > 

4one» Mayhap^ you may be ibame»raced; fbme 
Maidens, thof they love a Man well enough, yet 
they don*t care t^ tell'n fo to*s Face. If that's the Cafe^ 
why Silence givcs-Confent.. 

Mifs Pfue. But Vhi furerit i& not fo,. for Til fpeab 
fooner than you fhould believe that; and I'll (peak 
Truth, though one fliould alwtys teH a Lie tty^a-Manr 
and I don't care> let my Father do what he 'liriHj jft» 
too^Wg to be whipt; fo Fll tell yoo plainly, 1 don't 
likeyouj nor- love you at all; nor never will,. that'! 
Riote. So, there's your Anfwer for you ; and don't 
trouble me no more, you Uely Things 

Ben. Look you, young Woman, you may learn Up 
jive good Words, liowever* I Qioke you fair, 6^^^. 
Ice, and civil. — ^As for your Love, or your Liking, T 
don't vahie it of a Rope's End — ^and mayhap I like 
you as little as you do me. — What I faid was in Obo*- 
dlence to Father* Gad, I fear a WhippiMj no more 
than you do. But 1 tdl you one Thing— i^bu ihouldjr 
g^ve fuck Language at Sea, you'd have a Cat o'NiiM^ 
Tails Idd crofs your Shoulders, Fle(h ! who are yoU'^ 
You heard t'other handfome young Woman ipeak 
<smHy to mqr> of her owji A^xord. Whatever ypu think, 
of ypurfelf,. Gad,, I don't think y^ are any more to, 
compare to her, than a Can: of Small-Beer to a. Bowl, 
of Punch* 

MifsPr*^. Well, and there's a handfottic Gentfei*. 
^an^ andja fin^G^ntlemaih and a^fvi^ Gemleman^ 
thzt was here, that laves ine^ and I love him;- and If 
he ffes yoe (peak to me any more^ hell thrafh yx^ur 
Jacket ior you ; he will, you great Sea-calf. 

Ben. What ! do you mean that Fair-weather Spark 
that was here juft now? Will he. thra(h my Jacket ?-r». 
Let'n-«let'n.-*-But, an he comes near me, mayhap t 
may giv'n a fait Eel for'a Supper, for alt thait- What 
ddes Fkther mean» to leave me alone, as fbon as I come 
^ome, with firch a dirty Dowdy? — Sca-caifi 1: an*t 
C^lfeppu^ to.liclc. your cfialkftd Fa^e^ you Cheefe* 



3»2 tOVB FOR LOVE." 

curd, you ?— Marry thee ! Obns PU many a IMan^ 
Witch ^ foon, and live upon felling contrary Winds, 
and wrecked Veffcls. 

Miia Frue. I won't he callM Names,' ndr I won't b<r 
abufed thus, fo rwon'f.— -If I were a Man — [cr/rj]— 
you dur/l r.ot talk at ihis Rate-— no, you durfl not,,, 
you flinking Tar-barrel. 

S C E N E VIII. 
.' [Ti /Zv/v/] hiri. Foresight andMrs.TRAtL; 

Mrs. Foreftghu They have quaneled, juft as we 
could wilb. 

Ben. Tar-barrel ? Let your Sweet-heart there call: 
me lb, if he'll take your Part, your Tom Ejfence^ and I'll 
fay fomething to him — Gad, Y\\ hco his Mu|k- 
Doublet for him. I'll make him ftink; he (hall'fmejt 
more like a Weafel than a Civet cat, afore I ha' done 
with 'en. 

Mrs. Forefight, Blefs me! what's the Matter, Mifs? 
What, does Sic <^TY ^"^Mu Benjamifty what^^have yei|- 
donfe to her ? 

Ben. Let her cry : tl^ more die cries, die lefs fhe'll' 
—(he has been gathering foul Weather in her Mouthy 
and now it rains out at her Eyes. 

Mrs. Fqrefighu Coipe, Mifs, comQ^along with me^ 
and tell me, poor Childi 

Mn. FraiL Lord, whatfhall we do?- There's my 
Brother F^^rj/g"^/ and Sir Aatw/^* coming.- Sifter, do 
you take Mift down into the Parlour, and I'll carry 
Mm. Benjamin into- my Chamber; for the^ mufl not 
know that they are. fallen, out.— Come, Sir, will you 
venture yourfelf w ith me ? [Looki^f/g kindfy m kim% 

\ Ben. Venture ? Mefd, and that I will, though- i^. 
ttere to Sea in a Storm^ 



SCENa 



I^'OVv(E A F OR L O V E. 2^ 

V \ SCIB^M E IX* ^ 

^/> Sampson ^»^FoRBSiGHT# 

Sir Samfi. I left them together here. What, ^arc they? 
gone? Sen is a briik Boy i he has got her in^ a 
Gorner^i-Father'B bum Sqii> fakh ! he'M toiizle h^r/ 
^d mouzlc her. The Rogue's (harp fet, coming- ^fri^tti- 
Sea. li^ he (hould not (lay for faying Grace, old Fore-s 
fight y but fall too without the flelp of a Parfon, ha ? 
Odd, if helhoukl, I could not be angry with him; 
'twould be but like me, A Chip of the old Block. Ha t 
thouVt melancholic, old Prognoftication ; as melan- 
cholic as if thou hadft fpilt theSalt, or paired thy 
Naik on. a Sunday.— Come, chcar-up,^ look about 
ihee : look up, old Star-gazer. — ^Now is he poring 
upon the Ground for a crooked Pin, or an old Horfc* 
laail, with the Head towards him. 

Faref Sir Sampfon^ we'll have the Wedding To* 
morrow Morning. 

Sir Samp, With all my Heart.. 

Foref At Ten o'Clock; punctually at Tfen* 
^ Sir Samp, To a Minute, to a Second; thou fliall iel? 
thy Watch, and the Bridegroom (hall obfervc its Mo* 
Mons ; they fliall be married to a Minute, go to Bed tc 
a Minute ; ^nd, when the- Alarm rtrikes, they (hall 
keep Time like the Figuresof St. i)i^«^tf;?*i Clock, ani 
Qin/'umma^m eft (hallriiig all over the P.^rilhl: ' -' 

S.eE'N'E x; 

[To them] Scandal*: 
Scand, Sir i.9rfw^;?, fad News. . . 

Fprcf Blefs us !• 

SitSa7/rp. Why, whales the Matter ? 
JScanJ, Can't you guefs at what ought to aflflict you 
and him, and all of us, 'more than any Thing dfe? 

Sir Samp. Body o'me, I don't know any uTOrerfaf 
©rievabefe, but a new Tax, or the Lofs of the Canary 

Fleet-^ 



tt^ L6VE FOR LOVE 

Ftect— unlefe Popdiy (hoold be landed in the ^^, or 
'the 'French Fl^ei were at Anchor at Blachvall, ^ 

&Y/7///. Nd? Undoubtedly, Mr. Fere/ght ktievf vi^ 
^iy and might hare prevente4.it* 
i-^iV^^'Tis no Earthquake.^ - 

*Vf<T;?^. No, not yet; nor Whirlwmd. BjUt iit. 
^n't know what it may come to— but it has hada^ 
Confequence aheady that touches us alU < « 

Sir Saff^^ Why, Bo^ o^ne, out \wth it. 

ScanJ. Something has iippeared lo your Saa Fa* 
fkntine — he*^j gone to Bed opon% and very ilL — He 
f^ks little^ yet he feys he has a World to %v Afks 
torhk Father and the wife Fbrefight; talks of Kq;^mid 
Lul^ and the Gholtof X//^. He has Secrets to im- 
part^^ 1 fuppoie^ to you Two. I can get nothing out: 
of him but Sighs. He defires he may fee you in the 
Morning; but would not bei dtfturbed To-night^ be«- 
iaufe he has fbme Boiiiiefs to d» tn a ' Bream.. 

SitSatt^* Hoity toity ! what have I ta do with hti^. 
Dreams, or his Divination ^-— -Body o'me, this i» a 
Trick) to defer figning the Conveyance. I warrant, 
litt Devil wiJl.teli him in a Dream, that he mail boc 
fan with his Eftate^ Bu&ni biitag hm a Farion, tQt4 
•ell him that the Devil's a Liar— or,, if that Won't 
do^ III bring » Lawyer, that (hall out*lie the Devil j, 
and ib rU try whether n^ BfaKkguard or his fliall get 
the better of the Day. [&£^ 

SCENE XI. 
SoANOAi., Fores iGHi:.^ 

Seanit. Alas, Mr. Forejtghtf I am afraid all is nor 
fight*— You are a wife Man, and a confcientious 
Man ; a Searcher into Obfcurity and Futurity ; and, it 
you commit an Errror, it is with ^ great deal of Coa- 
fideratton, and Difcretion, and.CautioUr 

Pwf/l Ah, g)od Mr. Scandal t 



1- O V IB FOR L # V E. 2^ 

f^Scand. Nay, nay. Vis mmiifeft; I do not iUtfl^r 
^ou.— But Sir San^Jbn is hafty, very hafty*— I'm afraid 
he is not fcrupulous enough, Mr. Forcfigfjt.^^ldQ has 
^been wicked; and leaven grant he may mean well in 
his Affair with you !l— But niy Mind gives me, thtfc 
'things cannot be wholly iniignific^mt. You ate 
viviie, an^ (hould not be ovei^reachod ; methinksyou 
Ihould not. 

Farejl ^4as, Mr. Scandal^-^Hiimattum eft err are! 

Scaiui. You lay true, Man will err ; meer Man will 

«rr — but you are fomeihing more.— There have beeu 

^wiie Men; but they were fuch as you-^Men who.con« 

fulted the Stars, and were Obiervers of Omens^-^^i^i^- 

pmt was wife: but4iow ? .hj his Ju^smenc in Aftro* 

rlogy.-^So fays Pineda^ in ms Third Book and £igh^ 

•Chapter. 

jPot]^ You am learned, Mr. &i«^^ 
Scand^ A Trifler — ^but a Lover of Art.-^And tlie 
Wife Men of the JI^.«wed their Inflru(5bion to a Star; 
which is rightly obferved by Oregfny the Gt-at/, in 
.^Favour of Ailrolo«pr 1 And Albertus Magnus makctf it 
the moil valuable Science — becaufe> fays he, it teach^ 
us to coniider the Caufation of Caufes, in the Caufes 
of Things. 

. Forefl, Iproieft, I honour you, Mr. ^£«v^/i^— r did 
«^not think you 4iad been read in thefe. Matters. — ^Few 
young Men arc inclined— 

Scand. I thank my Stars that have inclined me.— • 

■ But I fear this Marriage and Hiaking over this Eflate, 

this transferring of a rightful InhentancCj will bring 

Judgements upon us. I prophefy it; and I would not 
ave the Fate of Cajfattdra^ not te be believed. 7^ 
kkntiue is difturbed. What can .be the Caufe of dm:? 
and Sir Samjfon is hurried on by an ui^pfual Violenccf-* 
I fear he does not acY wholly ,firom}iiiQfelfi methinba 
i^lie d^$ not look as lie U&4 to do« 



>&6 L O y £ FOR L O V fl. 

Forif* He was always of an impetOmis Nature.^^-^ut 
as to this Marriage, I have confulted the Stars ; and a3i 
Appearances ai-eprofpcrous. 

jScvf«/, Come, come, Mr. Fdrtfigbt ; let Aot tttc 
Profped of worldly Lucre earry you beyond yo\if 
Judgement, nor againft ydurX)cttlcience.*-^Y6u tfrc 
•not fetisfted that you ael jiklly, .^ 

Forrf. How! ^ • 

Scand. You are not fatisficd, I fey.— lam loth to 
^Sfcoursge you*-but it is palpable that you are not ia- 
ti^ect 

Fare]', How does It appear, Mr. Scandal? I thinTc 
'I am very ^tvcll fttisfied. 

Scand. Either you fuffer yourfelf to deceive yoUt* 
Iclf; or you do not know yourfelf. 

Foref, Pray explain yourfelf. 

Scand. Do you deep well o*Nights ? 

i^<wr;C Very. well. ' ' . 

'Schrid. Are you certain? Ybu do not look fo. ' 

!F<?r{yCl^m in Health, I^hink. 

"Scarid, So vjTA'Falent'me this Morning; arid looked 
juftfo. 

Forif, How! Am I altered any way ? I don't peN 
ceive it. 

Se^nd. That m^y be j but your Beard is longer than 
•it was Two Hours ago. 

Forff. Indeed ? blefs roe I 

SCENE XII. 

Mrsi Ftrefi Huiband, will you go to Bed ? It's Tda 
o^Clock. Mr. iJararif/, your Servant. 

Scand, Pox on her, (he has inteiTupted my Defigrh**- 
■but I mull work her ihto'the Pr6jc6K^-^You keep Wly 
Hours, Madam. ♦ , / 

Mrs, Foref. Mr, Forcjight is punAual ; we fit up after 

*hi«* 

Tenf. 



-LOyE FOR LaVE. ^f 

Fare/l My Dear, pray lend me your Glafs, )Tour 
Tittle-iooking-glarg. 

Scaftri, Pray lend it him, Madam— I'll tell you th« 
Jkesifon.'^lShe grvet him f^e Glafs: Scandal ami JJje 
^whi/fcrJ}*^My Paflion for you is grown U} violent-4^ 
that J am no longer Matter of fnyfelf-r-I was intetv 
nipted in the Morning, when. you had Charity enough 
-to give me your Attention; and I had Hopes of find- 
ing another QpportuniQr of explaining myfelf to you-^ 
but was difappointed idl this Day; 4ind the Uneui^^ 
nefs that has attended me ever fines, brings me notv 
liither -at this unfeafonable Hour. 

Mrs. Forff. Was there ever fuch Impudence^ to 
make Love to me before ray Hulband's Face ? Til 
fwear, I'll tell him. 

Scand. Do. Ill die a Martyr, i^herthan difclaim 
tny Paffion. But come a littfe farther this Way; and 
ni tell you what Proje6t I had to get bim out of tite 
Way, that I might have an Oppoitunity of waiting 
upon you. [Whifper, Toxt^i^ht looking in the Gkfs, 
Foref. I Jo not fee any Revolution hefe. — Methinks 
I look with a ferene and benign Afpc6t — pale, a little 
♦pale-^but theRofes of thefe Cheeks have been ^ga- 
thered many Years. — Ha ! I do not like that fuddeA 
.Flufhing — Gone already !— Hem, hem, hem ! fainth1\« 
^fy Heart is. pretty good; yetit beats : and my Pulfcs, 
ha! — I have none — Mercy on mel^-huml— Yes, 
here they are. — Gallop, gallop, gallop, gallop, gallop, 
gallop ! hey ! whither will thev hurry me ?— Now 
they're gone again — and now I'm faint again ; and 
pale again, and, hem! and my, hem ! -^Breath, .^d, 
hem !— grows (hort ; hem ! hem f he, he,* hem ! - 
Scand, .It takes : purfue it, in' the Name of liove 
and Pleafure. 
Mrs. Foref. How do you do, Mr. FmJ^htf 
Foref, Hum, not fo well as I thought I wds. Lend 
4ne your Hand. 



4ii iffJVy To.A £cVtl 

ScaaALook yen dxn Ddw.~'9our 1.13^ Ajft^ 

Wrt- Fffrcj, O, mighty rcftlefiTb^ t j¥as aifKiM t» 
.HA <Mi»;fo.r^JH4^1ias,|j|^ fariung and 

&«ii5. And aid nbtirfe tote fof ^'^ ^ * ,;; ' ' 
Bin- F<wTj/r Ncf cc, never ; tiHwithm Aeic iPlirie 

Kights, I cannot ;^y i^ 1|^.^ once brokea my 

Reft fincc we havc'*beeh raarriea.' 

Stand. J3|p. ta^ ^f Forejfiht ; ^od fay ^9nr fnyn^ 
.•^Hc Jooks better t&anljexfid. * *- : 

Mrs. .fi.rc/: Nolle, N^iH^ie ! ; . \' '. \^ '" . - "- ' 
. F4nr^.,J)o jpirtljink £0, Mr. Scaji^I? ;.. .^ 

. ^i;»^ ; rVes, jres^ *X hepo^ thU^wtill |ic.:§bnc by 
"Morning: ^akcr^^ in Tirne. _ \' . ' . * ' 

gk f^4?r^ J bbpcfo./ ./ . _ 7 .. 

Mrs. i?3wT5Cf.NAjrfe,,^y^ is"hot well i^put 

Turn to Bed*j, .\ Vmit,/; .; .; ./ / 

.^^ip^^.^ X,Jho]^,y^,wllJ fee atte to'f^ raHmfine ia 
'tbe M<^WV-^ovr: ^'bcft tak^.a little Diacodraa 
ajid OjwiS^Vaiii-, and lyf? i^pqn your Back ; may be 
you may dream. 

, ,Pfr^ 1 thsLvk yoUi Mr^JScattdtfl; I will— "N.urfe, 
let4ne have a Watch^light, and lay Tic Crums pfQom* 

^wjf^t .Xes, ,Sir. . /. •^ . ., \ 

• Forrft. Andr-rheiPvJ^nn ! I -ain very faint. 
^W« No, noj^you look much better. * 
Bnrf^ Do;I? Aiid, d'ye hear— bring roe, let me 
fee — ^within a Quarter of Twelve— hem — he, hem !— 
juft upon the. Turning of the Tide, bring me the 
%Jn]iak-*-And I kqpe, neither the Lord of my A(cen- 

«h»€ 



i.OVB F9 11 LOrt ^^ 
^u nor the Moon win beconibuft; aajtiien I may 

Scaml. I hope fi>. — tea^e tliat to, roe ; I wiH ere^ a 
Scheme; and I hope I (hall find both ^aod ^a^ i^ 
jthc Sixth Houfe. ' 

F&rff. I thank you, Mr. tca$iA$l\ tndeeA that 
wcmld be a marComfiHt to me* Hem,^hem! good 
.Nj^ • " ' 

SCENE 3aV. 
Scandal, Afb. Jorehight* 

ScMtid. Good Night, good Mr. Forc/hhi. And I 
hope Mars and Fttms wol be in Conjiindion — whife 
your Wife and I are togipther. 

Mrs. F^ref. Well; and whit Ufedo you hope to 
niakedfthis hrojeft? You donV think that you ate 
ever like to fuoceed in your Defign upon me ? 

ScmnJ. Yes, Faith, I do; J have a better Opinion 
both of you and mykM^ than to derpnir. 

Mrs. Fcrff*^ Did you ever hear fuqh a Toad?-* 
Haii^ye, Devil; do you think any Woman honeA ? 

Scmd. Ye», feveral, very honeil — they'll cheat la 
iittk at Cards, fometimes ; but that^s nocning. 

Mrs. Fivw: Pihaw! but virtuous, I mean? 

Scand. Yes, Faith, I befiere ibme Women aievir- 
'tiious too I but Via, as I beliere ibme Men are raliaiir, 
chrouffh Fear— For why fliould a Man court Daiigc^, 
or a Woman ihun Pleaf'ure ? 

Mrs. F0nj'. O monftitnis ! What are Gooilience and 
Honour? 

Stand. Why, Honour is a ppblic Enemy; andCon* 
icience a dome^ic Thief: and he that would i^eure 
his Pleafure, mud pay a Tribute to 6ne, and go hJLs^ 
with t'other. As lor'Hoiiour, that you l^ve Iccured; 
for you' have purphafed a perp.tual Opportunity for 
. Pleafure. . v 

Mrs. F«»fW: A« Opportunity lor Pkafure? 

Vou I. N . ScanJ. 



ScttfJ. Ay, your Huibami ; aHuftAnd ift aft Oppor- 
tunity for Plcafurc, ^ y6(i have taken care or i^ 
^nour, and ^olUKe Jeift I;4?aii ^' ki>/ia]le Cftre of 

Cdnfci^nct / 

'-i/^ii ■ Fm: AU '<& yiou think wc W'fi* fift=^ii«j 
wwtHef?^'^ •-"••■■ '^ ■■'•■' -- "^ •■--- * - ,v^i''^^'^ 

Jllbd:^-'"'^^ ,.....-, .^ , . ,- .- ,. -; •,,,^; 
Mrs. f'o^f. Why then Pfl fpcfak my W\tA. N6#, itf 
to this Affair between you and mc. Here you mik^ 
Love tt> mc^ why, Fll confefs it does not dilpleafe Ac. 
Yotir Perfon is well enoogK, arid your TJnderllartdJnil? 
isndtimifs,-^'- • ' ' - ^ ' ' ' ut: '.;., t^n.;7 

Scanel, I have no great Ofiwon of myfelf^ butyl 
think, I'm neither detbrrii^,ttbr a Foof^ '^ ;^'':,^ 
' Mrs; ¥^en ;Btit^ you h^ve a Vtllalinowi? ClKfrift^V 
yfttfarfe a Ltbrtth^ln Spe<K.*h, iij wtll'as PhiAia?^-^' 

Scandi GoHt^ ITcnowwhiit ydd lirddM* pf*^fsi' 
*^hik ' ft tnore danaet\iu^ 'to* b^ icen iti Coni^er^lon 
with me, thim to alloW fome otiief M«rt the 'feft ^^ 
'vour. You millake; the Liberty Jf tak^ in talkinV \i 
purely UifecWd, fbr thfe Serviee of your SeJc, Ife «»« 
'lirft crtes^ out Slop Thief, iiptten he that hasril'olcn 
the IVeaf^ui-ci I am a' jiiggt^J that aft by <:onfeHc- 
racy ; and^ if vou pleaft,, wi^'ll mtt a' Trick upjcW the 

"World, ' '^" ' ' ''".'' ''"' . 'l '■' 

' Mrs. 'I^ortf. Ay j' bdt ;^6u are ' f\iicji an tiuiip^firf 
' Juggler-^that Trrt afVaid you hkte a ^tk rfany ^oli*; 
.jedcrates. ' ^ "' ''-'-• '• 

• Scahd FAith, "Pm found, ' * - " 

Mrs. Fortj: O, fie!— rilfwear, you're imptidcnf*^ 
ScaniK V\\ fwenr, ydti'^e'h^ndlblUc. " 
Mrs. F^r^/rPifli; yc^M'tcH nle^, though you <J^^^ 
notrt^inW^.-' '''■' ^'■'-^- '-'■'■ -^' ^'^^■:*!: 
Scanri. And you'd think fo, though I (bould no^Hdl 
you- fo : 'aiid Tto# 1 tt^hk weknoW doe atibthcrT^ty 
well. .. .^f:in.^' 

Mrs. 2^<^rc/:0Ix*d! wlu/« here? 

7 5CENE 






[7«> r/^/»^J ilfrjr. TkAtL rti«/ Bj^. 



f,.,; 



- ^ -^ .£«^? Alda^ I Jqro tp ifwak. my ^ Mlnd;^]Fath€^ , pas 
nothing to do with me. — Nay, 1 can^t Tay that eci^hjb)!?^ 

fignih^ ? If fo be, that t ben't minded to be fleieiwjr 

by hvp/; 'iW-^ .itjiofi^- lboiiW.tibiircjL,agjiin4l Wincf 

;md,Ticlc* , - ; ■■ ' .. r- - ■.- ■,-, . , _. • .■.-;'. - " -^ - ■ 

• . • Kirt; Ffvpy. Ay )>ut^ my Bea^, we muft l^eep it 

- fecrct,^ll'the>Eilate be fenled ; fpr^ you know,* r^uirr 
t^ing without 4in Ellate, rs like failing iu ^ ^hip. 
without Ballaft. ^ /. - . . " 

^^^/rl Ke, hCy he ! why that's truf;juftibfflf all tke 
IVory it is^ indeed, as likens Twq Cable J^p|*^s..'.v/, 

Mrs^^rW, And though X ha^e a ^ood^Pb^t^nV yPVir 
kiwwjpiW w<h44 not veiiture aU in. wie Bo^Ojm. 

.i!^ Why thaj^^« true again ; ibr mayhap one Bpt-. 
toit^ iinay,fpriag aj^eak. .You have hit it indeed j 
Mefs, you've nickecj the Channel. .. 

Mr9.iFraih l^efl, ^lut if yoii fliould fprfiik^ me 
aftcr»^ll, youM bieak.m'y Heart. 

Bfi^. Break ; your Heart? I'd rather the Ma;ry^GoId.. 
ihpuld break; hcr^ C^hle iij a §ic»rm,! aa well as I love. 
her. Fle(h, you don't think I'm falfe-heariedi ^^ty^ 
Lan^/ro^*^ A* ^^^^^ ^J^V be^hpnell,:^thol ro«yKj^p/he 
ba^ ncj^ a Penny of Money in his tocket.-r^M^Hap 
I may not have lo fair a Face as a Citizen or a Co^r* 
tier; but, for all that, Fve as good Kood in iny Veins, 
and. a Heart as found as, a Biicuit, ' 

Mrs, FraiL And will you love me -always? ' / 

,Bet$^ Nay^ »n I love once. Ill llick like pijtci;: ,1*11 
tell you that. Come, V\\ ' fiiig * you a Spn^j ; o/ , ;v 

. Mr?. .FralL H6ld, thit^s; xay Siilar ; \)i^ c^il lier 
to near it* 

';:' ': "' N 2 ■■■''•;" '■ ■''■'• 'Mrs, 



Mrs. Faref, Wdl; I ilTOD't go to Bed to my Huf- 
band To-ni^bt V^bM|uferl']l«6tlre».ti^^II^y^^^Q^ 
bcr, and tbinkofwbatyqi|iM«o(^Uli^mA.y. V 

Scan£ Well ; you^T givt the l«Hre towaljc .Mppn you i 
to yoiir Chambortditeicr^^ttJdl^fMtrt.ym, a^^ 

Mn. Fftf. HoU^ \imA «iiiyi.SiAc|ViOimpg no- 
wards us. ^-^Sl rXRV.'J '.-^MX •• ..S»V' \W ^.^^ tj^V I 

Mn^Fm/il If it woftViiMBtili|i( )q()hiv;.4*H,«^^^ \ 

you witb a Sone. -. ••^^'- ^ ■x>.'.v ^.v . \\ v:..v:'' '^av. v, 

Ben. "l\i^&v4^'mMmi^ i^\i^ 
cfw*8 Wile; our Boatfvrain made the Song; mdy* 
ltfa^;y<^nidyinio«rbttril^i&i^ ihe .' 

i*"jw'cadl<jd'*' Bo«oiTi'5^A«i»^f i^ . .jru^t 1 

Aim he ariivhts aUnt, ,, 

■^ ' -• : jvill: .I'll/ 



r.j. : -.rife lsvt4 h(r>Harf;tiii^ rf»^(^\ ^^\j,j 

-.;:,r: ;y/««^lW.^W^^,^^ ,;,^^ 



\ 



Ilf thcM fUigbt play bii Part S ,, . 

'^•-'''!i^'^7^.i5*/i;§raftAr#;io7; h'tl '.t.-^, .,•:>/ 

' ' . J^.'lf <foh^ of OoFCrew that tame.to ft^,niie9rc,iiot 
AMie ; you ibati 'feet; .ttfor w& S^lilorar <9a djuice -ib uc- 
iiiAes, ii well as other Fblks.t^^ff'^^i^fj,] twarraut 
that brin§p them, aa they he within heariog. . 

Oh, here they be!— and Fiddles along with them. 
Come, mv Laos, let's btve^'^R^mitt "^^i^^^ i^ 

' ' ' ••"•}75'^:"^'"-'-^'' '{Dana. 
We're mcoy Fo^iii \W^";^^S^^^ hant 

much to care for. TH\|s*we Ifvfe Jirs<»r^^«^^ 
ahci ^lik Ffi[);''j3«it onV'^deaff^fintb^^ a Qiiffter 
—come h6noe, an# 1) fe iWth'rf<»f L^itithtdies cncea 
Tear, get rldof arittfc-MBtt€rr«fjd*thiu^t-offwith 
the next rkir Wind;' Ho#'*}^Klte^u3t ^ ••• ' ' 

Men alive! ^:^^.v. .. ,^../, ^A \,^- t ^ 

- IVIirs. F#rr/C Wo*W h^lden to Mi-. Benjamu for 

this Entertainment.— T})elictre if Is lat^^ ' ; 

\R^. Wiy^cfdS-feMrrto'jN^UvA^^^^ you had 

beft^o to Bed* ' Folrmy PiftVl^tn^tt tb tbfs a Can, 

and retoerwbef m'y SWect-hc^iij rf<^^ may* 

bftp I m»y.dr8am oflierJ \ ^^ ^ 

Mrs. Forej: Mx. SMi^/yxxii)^\\^^a\c"&2i^ 

sinddr^mvoov ' '' ''^■r''": 'm v ' '« 
' Sc^ikd, Why, Faith; >featift fa |;b^iiireIyJmagiiii-: 

tion ; and can dreani' as itiuch t6 the Piurpofiut aomher^ 

'■-: ', M i if 



'^ J|ic,ifiafc^Vit 1^ ' ' J^Mt ;Dreafhirig^^i| ttie poor ftetr&t ^f 
j^ laj^y,, t ftVP^lefs, aiid ifnperfeerLdvi^r •' 'tte-' '<t»?:''ta^ 
.Gf^^igfe f<p| I^pj'e '^o wora-out Sinners, iit\d W^'faiit 
Dawning of a Blifii to'wifh'ing Girl8*^'and gro'^^ 

xXerr i nought tmf vjiiiWng 'ivt^hg Levi i%at cam"'* 
Mdk hidft the riffn'd^^fi^Ju^fl^^Mam. 

^ , r r, ,t¥ND OF THE THIRD? ACT^/ ... 



'•' .■>^<^'r>^«^ 



\b\ 



■A'S.-im:- 






- -, ;,ir*.OTN»Jw.«*« i:*|'%» ■;' 





Scandal. tf«</ Ji^RRftry. ,^ ;/ 

;^>^^. Yei; SJf;- Vbu titwSie^^l^ ffeiki 
kdikt,^ ]iti thai Vas* ib^^ ' "^ ""'" '' 



ix^ To-day. , -^^'-^ '-^'^ ■^^•- '''4r-^^i olr 

' 1 iS^AfttH' mt(fiHiiiy^>^>i«i^V^^ili^^ VS& the 
Reaibn of ^118 De^^ ^ ' 'j nc j i- v^^y ^ 

tie Fdd/ ind^M fe tbtt-wfth Mmi ^i^-l«8ft 
l6W'fti?Pihe^ fi^T<)^1ite idl "ti&^MUs^ aM itoi-. 

,-QBal*fl it^ • • ■ 'rh:nT ^ 

i»ds»/^^ tn»ik 'i^)i^i^ M bier'^^^^^^Mkp^ 



H^<¥f h^•'k^p^yI' \^ 




ft<. Sir, J b^liei^e he WbuM not fe<m tSll ii(^ li^e^^Ys 

&flW.., \Yeiu ^'!l.;«? ^^r— '^i? |}?^^ v^^ ftf c#«.- 

[5ri> /Z'^«] Angelica atvVi6 Jenny. 

V •^ /. (■ » > t ' 4 . ; T '"SJ ■ > /H '1 ■a , ", 

Ang» Mr. Scandal, I fuppofe ybuMoTi't think it a^ 
Novelty, to fee a Woman \ifit a Man at his own 
Lodging^ in a Morning r 

when a Lady comes tyrannically \q iniult 'a ruTr.ed 
LoTcr^ and n^ake inanifeil the cruel Triumphs of hci 
BcRiiiy J thci^SiiSty>|r5t fo^^t|iia^fur^r/^es rae. ^ 

u^«^. I don't like Raillery from a ferious FaCe.~ 
Pray tell mc what is iji^ JVIatter ? 

Jiren^. Nallran^ IVfotte^^lSMaftirmy M:tfler*^ 
imui, that's all. I ft\pppie ypur Ladyihij^ has though^ 
kim fo a greai^ while. ^ 

ja 4^ How d> m^n,.i^i^? - , ^^ ^ r r W, ^ 

y^rnr/sy^fl. ;V\%fi,^^^TiMadWi h?> ni^/or Want 
i#f(fc& JSy^,>lj^^,hf5,i^aa p9or fojF W^j^f q^.i^oneyi 

to beg hiiv^r his tllate, vr'v< T ^ w 

it very u|»feafonablcr— ' m '' ^ £ J ^ ' 



ilWJcfei.I^iim#y.f,a|,n«,to hp<f9iK#Pd fof;^%p 
Truth!' , r 

'^^r^?^^ % Ste,'f«I^9rflR^M^fi(.lV• 
uai.uecefsful PalUon. . ,^ f. ; ., ; < 




^<^ 155^9)'^ h<^l^ 






} 



S C £ N £ III • ^'^'^ ^ ^ 

as you haveS6iK)^Mffl8tf^pai?6ti)e^i«^ 

to cell roe what I Mm to. W^p^ ^T^ cannot fpeak*^ 

But you may telr me»^<A^]^Pknow what ) would 

•^ .r M,i ^ a T ewT /. J r!^. D 2^ 

aefperate. An Ax^ux^iifksdi^ 

oehape. mxy,work i ^\j^r^ih6^¥^ 61 jmt'nva^ 

I Jpn't pby TdckToc Tpck, .m?yJ Q^vcr tiiite tfite 






'-ii^ mTotftr hiin.ti^^ 




ffi^ii,Sf 






:^v:HOr^ 



Ajig^. 



WoiiM make me uftcafyf-tf t4on> fee kim^,p^ap« 

tbe Siirpnze is ovcr^ fti^thinlttl am aoc lialf to Uxvf 
as I was! nj; 3 y^ a "J <: 

v^/irf. So, faiUr, Good-nature workf apace; Jfod 
were qouM^ JMfl ^aow.uia WUigttian^fiDdUs Love. -^ 

^. ^^ »M5^i:%f: 9«3#i^, ^PP%«? ^'^^^' 

—iKQqi loc-i-ii'y i*^TM 1? Wif^"^ tF^^ ii>d'>i *Mii li:3J't-. 
S C /^ N t>" A ^,' J[ 1 R ».M T» •>';^ 

5tvi»^il Gone? why fl^ ,was,,yerer her^y .noranj^ 

^.. i?^'.r«y^ P^ A*3 .!^^?> iSS' W^t(/*»?Sil?^ 

..with 4J??wyjviKejf a/)f.tf^^b^ ; .> 

,tAov^ ^J can'? ^j^iplgp ^19^; .hI),vm ,p J^ 
Maftei;^; in the me;^^ X>me, if bucl^i^ojedt fuopeed ao , 



the Road of coipipoa%i>% aaifcc^^^^ 

ripadc ^ 9pqI with other ;ife^loaa5?le1?eQ|^^' f j^^^. Sr' 

Sa.*f^jhn, You know, your ;(^\^ , tji ff>' ^qa^' )Mt4tj^ 






N 



•SCENE 



Buch-am. Goofl, Sir. Am! tht OoiiVcyitece n tetay 
^ irawh ift thfs BciX,!tfti<Wfeari/t<yfigii and leal. 
7^^'S'?^ K^^' 5B6dY6'mc, he mtift be rtadyt 

S&Unch^t!: '-^IfilS?,^^ viPhert's'ybur Mafejf f ^ > ^ u, 

VT<?r^r AK^lr, he'tf quite gont!' '-^'^'^^'^^ A^iir. 

o>5^'^*' N<n Sk, not dad*.' u • .,^f* • '\ • 
Ika ! has he tricked nle? Sf^k^ Vartif*,; :> > ot: 7' r^h 

Mm; W^ aiia'n6tH«»ie;/8ir. V ^ r • ^.;. . ,?;:• 

8iri5«i|ii^ lUey^^dav^ Ra^cal^ ,do ypu ^«sr 'i^ii^J^* 

9^mh^ >^^ye banter {h)eiw-^S|iieak^ Siivah^ W^cre Ji«f 

lie ? for I will find him.. [^ ' 

^feri^i Woirtd jwu coulir-SIr ^ fbf hir has lod'^ip-*^ 

l^Ak^I tr^h^ kfein(T«irfcwheor.Iitbi^;jw irwp^^Sif;;^. 
Ifbi ak m^m?h%ibft himr awaj?aff^g-il>e^ 

»bi«jHi.kPwii^;r^ .^. ,-.^; ■^:.:^;;,.N;n -;v:;:; 

;Shv^;^ Aff'oicim'ibUndyoUrShimit^^^ 
Speak to be underftood j fend tejl, njc iiX:!^^^*^^ 
vmat th^ l!!fjt^t\tii^ii$- With hife^ ^.YV^^mk to^4^pqIV 

akuit^ ■ , '■- • ■ '■ • ■••'■■. •■ ^''- '••"".,, J- . 

witfc him,' SiT^ fcs Sk^* cfaek^ : |jaftf»7^aijlaa^ 

fcrtft^mcwLSir!: ;-: 'or:; ;.,;!. ^j/s'^,,,]- • 

. J?»<-^K vi^at, is he JSr«« i.orlT Au'^'^' * 



Buckrami- Why then allV obliterated, Sir SamMfti . 
If he be Nbn Compos^ 3£»/^ .hb P^ and Deed win be 
of no Effca 5 it is hi>t gAdfib Biw?. ^ 

derhf dt^d^) • i r,..,,^^ . j,,,,, ^.^^j -^r;^ ^j^ \-:v^y"^' 
Sir 5'tf>w;S^: Mbw^iafl^-f ^wliakVhto'«4>dO^ nij 

Falent. Ha I who's thjitf '> orr / ^ . /I t^AV^^-'. 

don't provoke hihk^''*'' .r^l';.;--.^ '^vvn ij- 'li^t -j/i .^-rf I f^rf 

njifchicvous ? I'll fpeak g(aiS[y\f*^dltrP!ni^ do'ft t;hi^i^ 
norfin6^ irtei'B«y'f no« knewthf : owh^ Fa^h!Or,A /^^ 
I'^am fhy'T)Wh Paiher ; anid Ahis^ honciV; J?nff/^^/<difWlft 
the Lawyer. ' .:.' ^-f S..- ff/v/ t ;,;t ^ -jji 

Wahitt: Tt irtk/ be iS^i *d wnrknid^ yfiWrWthe 

anBTc6jife jiftat^W* Id^^hot^ icodWrand ^^ij^He-SrtiW 
flfitifcfs ilpoii^^^ MlSt«'-ij5Kiteiie arcLfath^^ fcaivtfl 
many Children; and there are Ghiidbfaf] di?it( fi»«JH 
itiany i?irth^ti-^rts' tltaftkd :But> iufenf\ IJi^vrtb', .i^di 
cofte^pgivd'the Wbi**'thcLiow . . V ., / o^^lm^, 
^ Si? iSdhipf. -^ Bifidy *)?me^-i<4cnow.' BdtTwh«:tt>rfe>Mt>./ 

^?nii^?''Wlifaoes--'t1iattLtt#yor^r.Bbckv^^ 
he*iffi^!fiii^1*fdtnie^irl«)atfi^ 
ihou ? doll thou know nie I ^ if'*. ,b; -v ylj;;]) ^^J4 

Buckr. O Lord, what muft lifay^MKe^ijSiiS!. if(? 
Fii/. Thou HelVV feip't^ «rtC »ut!v;i /l?is >h^ Ij 
cannot get a Livelihdodf^amct^ig^ >'0(i.. 1 1.^^jiaVf^ Ipi^n, 



got £ e V B ma^w li o v ft 

furom out of W€fimnfier'Ha& ^#rft^l>^ 6f Cftrv 
'JD^-rrtet^nw (boi<^o msiisr Imw biig<#<>rBut riL iell 
ybuone Thi^ ;^kii a QucflAoDithat'JvouU pozsfeita 

times. in0i<Se(ik.ik JfTi^jifikt Mr^iitnjAsaDi» hi^H 
pi] Jfe/MbMfmittiibd Fcirwiy.aut, :irjam)inntli« ini 
cm'tteU; I have v^rtoi y - Aoyi ^iiitBaob^^i xiiiw i^f^ti 
v/fishiftr'q^.^dcl^ o\ije, he talks fenfibly in his Mad- 
nefs —Has he no Iniervals ? 

Jer. VenrflvdM^ir.H i^i H 3 R 

Sttckr, Sir, I xan do }'oii nq Service while he's i» 
this CoftdftM^/''l4eVgV/(Arrii^rSS*;^^^^^ do 
iKrft/iSdsfidhkrif l^^^NnTiiU^ ilvfC^dy^ 

Ski\iifj he recover his ^nfes. ' !>h<:kT32>l \r,ir. 

Sir Sofjip. HoWKhold^ dg>i>Jf^tgo>)»l<rnso I Jcrt^ 
cr^i^^M-KMy^tji^fcefw J^^htrnjeo, S^^ AVf^^fppi^ot 
\\}^<i\('3$!iiem Ur. Occafiwi.;, for , i ^tn^/ hi# i^np^ncft 

r^/.^kiWhc (l»ajifycf goncf Tia weUt tl>^n>.?y<iCOT^T 
4)ciid5riab<)wtiwiibQttt ruling jpgq^^ fi^-rro 

W^ /fcfltJitbJit.>ii/aqpfcil J|P?V%vft|lW *fiWrJr 

dpftthou do, Bi^'^>rr, r^i — )t)7 ho i:ifirxii*J n b/^^i a^-j 1 
,i^rf^4A iTiwtnk.yod^ 8ir„.f rPl^ wclU— I have hccn a 
little out ^f;0rdw3^ ; . W«||V:;> QM^<^ ;^ jifii ^r l^A 

br^rffi^'^ Ti •:j>(o;l ufiw if h i-)::d'K u-(: v^"- -'.' f?;jH vfTi jia- 
forty to fee thee indifgofcd;. bm^^^'^ligla^g^i^, 
better, honeft Faf, 



tOTE RO>R E O VIL 901 

: S&r^SKfx^ L^ Hand iM^df /i^i if 

Boyr^ ^011 jctaf^ ,i#^re t%Hiip^ ^oLti^^Jjnw^^itqk 
kack with thc-i^i uirejM i yij q Pi ' i fiidelv' ^-ftj] \ ■ :jr ** no 

S C E N E,-.rVMIvr'7r*y r>v 

9eaiid4 That ever I(hodd^^p^)i\kfixffid^^ 
,any Remoife! " ' k ^ ^' »: ) a 3/i(]ti^i^ 

Sir ^ir;9^ Do'ft thou know this Paper, Kal? I know 
thou'rt honefi, lanii wiB pdrferiti AB^ia. - 

^aCThf\kmc lee iZ'S^if/- Yd'ulidiaTtlslffir o^; 

^at I can't tfeH w6ed«* 1 taioW>wbr^iKt? •^:*'^'" ^^'^ ' 

'&¥^f. Ste it, B(«if ^' Ay, ^} >#liy ttou *»^Tee 

it-^^ thf bWrt-Hand; r^ ^ Wl^^^^ kr^kcifeevT 

can read it as plain as can be : Lockyif^ {xefb {Jfrin/r;}' 

c«t bcT,' rb-it'ftegWs^Ait*^lh^n ttt)fitofr'Bwiam--^^ 

great Letters. Why, *tis as j^in dw^SM&*f 0«e^< 
Fjfe^J^^hii, c^hifl^ Wtte*ll«u3«ni.*^i^ 
I can read it farther off yet — ^let mci^fKieii .<>!J ^ rd ^• 

r^rfvr Will Vda^^tofe^o let iwe^^old^iS^^^ !'-: 

'^%^S^^^lj^^i^^^'kiM^H^ t^ii ^^^5^ with 
4JI my Heart.— What Matter is it who holds it? What, 
need any body hold itt«^1l^pen?5t ys!Wf'?tHk^J^ ' 
xea^^i^'iik!6iyrmsi^ IPutttbe Ftfer in bis 

Ej)Skeii}rr^mti'^fiiat:^iis fdft ehb^fghy 'Bdy^JuAut thoa 
iMt iut« 'k ^<&n W&oH hi^fet 4lf Ifaad to ano« 

SCENE 



^#^ Whttt^^k^cnV' bod GaiiQfiheit^bi^iQbixibgr. 

^o be ii:n»tched«— 'My Nails are not longj^ouyi^fcfm 
Let me have a Pair of red hot Tongs quickly, quiclcly ; 
and you (hall fee ^^ aiStiS^'^i&|jf^ and lead the 
%J^ V^bfrNo;fe. ^ 

JKfir. O* Lord; \ei mt be gone f I'll ioi Vtrittu-e: 
myfelf With a^ Madman/ 
. V''-* '\'-*' :'^''i '■■ i- '^ ?'-- ' ' ■ ■ V ^ -'^■''' •vy'''**^. 

■>,.;*J t..'>. , ---.J • . ;. ;. , .^ ^U.l^.'l .'..ulJ^ff //H//-— - 

^«44 Ha, '. ha#/ha, h. y6u>/iief4i iioj; T Wir9Jiift t;^^ 
Ae%;^|U not) ov)eitakevTou,<^Jhla|^ h% to^; liej^u^^. : 
£)tMw «ae out to be m, Forma J^c^ris f ¥?;feptlv;^,., ^ ,^ • , 

I ^tSat^fio Oow^l what at V^^at^op js J^j;(S^r,|f 
know not whatfiodo.or fay^ nor wMchWay to.gOj,. .; 

' F^k WiMfB (haci tbat^s pp.t of his. U^y >-^ ,%; ,; 
Trutls,. andvcmictuhim right.rrflEa^kec,, JPri^ 
iUait Road .ia-itl^eiwoa-ft Way. y<^ <^p jj^^ft-^^^k^jB^.^i 
follows his^Nafeialways^iWdUi v^ry .^ftei^ ^^if l^^ipl^/^iA 

or Folitficks,i Th^naV a Co^^io^ Tppi(?kv/of ^rm, n^ 
moreiil§£)oncaaathcrjdiaflt4Sl i^yi^c^;^^CL^;y^ f, 
thofe twoy^beaten toj^other by a StateXook, no^i:. 
Sanoe for the^i^rhole Nation. 

Sir Samfi/l What the Dcv^ ^^ l;tqdo, ever tu 
bcg^So^is? why did I wrmany? ^rr 

,' Jraf. ITecaufi'fliou wel? a- Mocifter; ' bWTOy.- TK^^^ 
two greateft Mongers inihi^Wbfld, are a Man and a* 
yV<^m Wha^ tkyf4)pilfibal?•^;:v^-;/?. u.a ,dA ix.^'PL 

SitSmffi-^ Whfjimy ^Opihioa; Jsytothaftjthc&cjWa'-^ 
Moiidats 'jdihed fogeilitr suAje ydt^ greater ;\thftt?8>AAil 
Mgk.iifiadiliii.Wife. 



. /V, Aha, old True-penny I fay'ft thoufo? TTion 
kaft nicketi it.— But it is woimerfuLilrange, Jeremy^ 

/^aL That grey Halri ihouiS cover a greeti wad— ^ 

JP'^sm^y it^ beaurdp&i^i^^.;^:i£ri^^e«y ismf^^'^^f 

Jlfi: SAitfpkbK, ScANDAt,.FoiiBstcir'r,VJI5fri, t'oiii^'^ 

■;•;'; ^ ••• ^ ■" *; '■ sight; • jwk f fcin-^:" ,'' .,:;f ^ , -. ' 

; i?*fln/:: What fays be? Wh^diclheprdphefy? Ha^. 
Sir<S<x»i^/filei^wi! hoiw^^wei^^ : 

Sir ^tf^^ Arc we.? A Pox o'J^pur lixjgripili.eajjwjn i; 
— W^iy, Wwfe fools as Wre ulcd fbte.— 30obns, Siafe 
}M>Uxt>u|dtbt'f(M*e(e<6 that the Moon would, predckn^ 

tions, : y9Uf :' ^niiM$; mid your Ctijadratesl-H^^at idSdr: > 
yotir iGfc*«.iM yo«tr Jp/*l^jwr tjcll y^u ? Your Jsjf^iai 
Zi;^ aijpify/9)i}tr JLdx^2«m|i#KM your Jrkrnioiir ojP ChiM>«^ i -^ 
mifiiby >v1th Aftrology. Ah I Pow <miH, iftat^I i^^ 
kflfhif tlie^ Wd!id,.-at3^1^Bi,M MwiftWii^ Wha.dob^ X 
begev^^^;1Ml^lii^the.^kv: ahd <S|ars«'aQd Suoianci-; 
AhnaAacksy ^tod T*atb, ffioiild bar ^diieaid byv-^l ^ 
IMMiei^ an/H^^ and &fer wBuiiiikis la ; i 

Expeakdbh of a luAy Hb^ t wVcn^. Body ^ o^^l o 

— ^Tm ik> tsouei toC' yostr lu^ ^ouc-f»>li(^<' ^m^h^^ 
UoHs^^^l WJwt^ a the '||^^u|U|li io JSjilitimptjpf -r^; 



Sdfnfiel ni Sftan ahd unconyertiUe le^ioiyia^ltt^- 







0iL Do.^kkhiiu? Send him to S^iM^ 
ifi ine nest TotiTWeadii^I^IIeV^fed 1^^ 

ibis? /. r .^i>fn i,*i:Tv.jqrfl, ng^^ 

lating to M 81V1I Pbrtiincf '^.^^i^'jfei.^*F^i^ 

you/'; "'■ "' '^'T.r ■ . '^" " ' ■ '' ■ ' •■•'■^''^ '"••• ' 

ifty Dear ;^ cfe%fito^te'id^-fot^1^ ^^ : 

Mrs» Fir^ I^ >^|hf^? ;BE^ ¥fWt would your Im* 

pudence inter from latt Ni^fP ~Uft Night wis like 

the Night before* I tftink* ^ ;t • ' f, 

^ SoitS. "Sdeatti, do you make no Difference bctwcea 

meipdypurTftimrnhd? • "' ^^ rv! ^ 

Mr«i F«r^ ^ot toaiA-^lic*8 fupedl 

vpaaremad, in m^ Ojpihibiil '* ' ''• / "^^^ 

Impertinent ati^iiiipudbt^aDd 



Bed tome* 
Jkadil. And did not ^ 



Id iiiaii^ o^ la 



Mrs* 




LOVK FORLOVE. 305 

could grant ihem.— Madam, Im your Iiuqi^ ■oet'- 
TOM, iuid honour you. — ^YourJooL mpm-Mittf ^^f 

:im^j^mhKM^{S^^ was lo tal;Qi^ uj ^ 



uand him; I am apt 



. lluill Jnp infj>ired than mjd, ^ . 

^^^ ^^jiii. fpqak with ^0t jfs^J^^^^im 

Opiaion in thig Maiter, a ad dc|^'rev«rcngb"^lttap i^h^ 

iJiC Vul^r ihink mad* Let us gofto iiioi', , ; I '^ * 

Mrs. FrW. Siller, do you Hay with tSJem^ PlfBnd 

Ben. All mad, 1 rhin£— ^Icl^^lj^e^^ 
Mrs. Fr.i//.^IVlr. ^enj(i^^j^^ ''''- 

found 3QU.— Mefs, r have ^^^^Sb^BWl-^ 



St6 BaiDEr rHXm^. UOrV^R 

fllan^--4a be afted what ra Ae Bisncnr-^He ifred 
m^Mf fat.oi 41 War.^It feti^ B«oifa€r ^^k/ « 
mettodL and fethstpa^ into a Pdion; b«t litet 
4d I luMT tlMt ^ ^duk% that Jto tte ?)---S0 lit s^ 
a fbrly ibft of ^koner^-*-4iid, GM l aiift rgpe d mcst as 
IMify. Wkat dun Ik be lof Eulier^ I ^"t ^dond 
'I'reiicift to '^ea>-^ £Mdiv I. raid's is plab Tenw^tf 
{^usrtftiiiadedtainai^^ I'd nan^.to pieife m^p^dli^ 
noc bim : aod for tbc youog Woman that be pEtDvidcd 
ioK vae^ 1 tboQgbc it moR ictiiig ioH bcr to kartr bcr 
-SUBf^* and J8ak« Dirr-piet, than to loQk.after*« 
Hctibaad; ibr tny P»t, I waa muie of hex Man— 4 
t^ad adixbcr Vojage to Bokc^ kt bim cdte it as faift 

^m. ■ - ■ , -^ .,-•■• ,! 

^ Mm^ frmi. So tbed, yoo btcod: to ^ to^Sd 
flgamr -r \ 

-'- ten, ' Vzft naf 9 vaj Mmd nm opoii ^^oo— w I 
would ttoi fdl bim fb much. — S6 be ted* be'd sttlte 
my Htsvtk ake; and if ib be tbtt he oould gee a Wei* 
maa to hb Mind, he'd roany bimfelf, Gad» fa^l* 
as yoaplay tbe Pool and many at thefe Y<^arB, ttere^s 
atoce l&agi^ of your HeadV aking thi^n my Hearti 
'^^'^e'^tii wounidf »<gry wben :l gav'n that Wqpchr 
be bad'nc a Word to fay ; and ib I left'n, and ite 
4f«to C^ii'lOgetber; may^bap the Bet may bi«e» and 
bell many her bimfclf^witb all my Hcan! , ,v 
Mn. FrJiil And were yon this iu]dutifiit,ttnd:go^ce- 
left Wretch to your Father f ■ .' i/l 

'' Sffi* l%ea Why ^as he gracdefi firft^-^^Iftl araiy n* 
dutkul and jghacekifs, why did be begetihielo^ iktid 
ixot'get' myfetfi; ^ '' ■■>•'■; '^ ,';- . .;•:• ..iiA.tuA l.oo> ij 
^^^mn.^^. O Iibpiety K HoRv baveLheanbibiiM^tif 
What an inhuman mercilefs Creature have Ifeliiny 
Heart uponl^O,^! ttirbapi>yr'iDihaTA di&^cwrf/Ithc 
dfvd<^1iiidQ^Mimd« ihacllu^ faiiUefs 

Cl^ng^^aOC'^'^^'' -r.i;.i I •//<;:■ /;'il '.)V ;■! ? >;■ v; r-.- v V 



ai^n^ Mdk»; ibckkd iby-Wfa^Ies, csadM ini9^n:«nt- 
pd(^; iiTid irhiflfled lo by Wi^ist^MAithoiiMn^mfi 

r oiAhr^i O &Andi O Lord, Wb iWUlii ^r.ypitqg 
Wtrnimi! iI;off: ibat' toil^ SqM<^ :>b«v jkf^i (• 

iwHe eaoa^h to find you out4--^Hiuifl thpu.tbje l|9|||^« 
3dMioe«o ai|)nteiat bem^a/Hudbattd, with ths^t 4^¥ll^ 
4Uid^fllfobeditnt Tempe? i^-rt^You^.^tll^t^rwW JW h^. 
to fubmit to a Father, prefumc to have a fuffic^wt 
fitadcaofrguw tbro^derjovft WiftJ? i^fliouldl^aiwjbpcJa 
finely fobbaakttteed, very fitiely fftbbfcdl . ' : i: 
r>£tbirTilQriioi^ 6irr«6^^Tif.^ Jje>:^h^,ypq ^tf in 

U|30(ii 5idut>Aocoimiy and sjntu wc ,iw:\^i^l^trif4r\ 
readf I^Wk^dyeineafi^ a6ttr(dl)^fai(:$p9(B(:lu^ 
and ^roakittg rmy -OlK^bt e kbdi Hlfling -and ^hv^^f^ 
iifbnt Wouid y6u;>ihdevit>fi^'fQ^vm>oUiyQ^ ^m4r:>k^i!3^ 

llife *gt!OUildi?ii ! <'^ ! ./^' ; -/si .)! i -loVJ /J ;n'o;:ff t?;l. 

^'£:^toui^#//i No, >rH4eai«>/you^adrift^jiM^4ga 

Way you^wtUw^I '\<^ 'n'^. rr'V'^r-n?}'; ir{ lA-i -rniim jr-jjii: 
i^;2^ Wlhar*: an^yot'^iyM^ ^i^ 

Mrs. i^ruf//, Only the WijadkcUmge^U i: ->; // ci ii. 
.Ami. li46fe6baia)e^r.|roa>l^7b^Wi^'<$]pK«Mi^r 
Itig aft ill Wind blowi riobody goqdi'-^Maybapil iMlVf 
a igpod Riddance oh you, it theff? bcyOMi; nTmlPinTr 
Wbky did yuul mean all thif wImM itt).jRal|^.a]i;9oi 

-vliMw^J^rtiSl) AoyiFaDVdbjutfarUuft^ttid.! no^fj 3-t!;^)T•V 
if you would have me, now I iJUiW YQSxr:Mi^o^iJh^f 

.^'^l . * you 



^^ 



'-^Fflt j^ yoglWr yBaria^ -M Mwifcj Iw ^tem 

wutny fotf'sv diDvf fcap^^jBiii' Cm,' I ka^ir ^wiFirt^ 

Attckor at CmdMifmm\ Jh tliQrc!^ a Diii tar jm,t 
^fkAUM jm mSf y- mijfmf ym wey hoBo^a^Ape 
wWa 1 wofiLtfomt Uh \ ' * " * 

Mfi. Fr4B£ Ha^ Ih; ki^ no ^lobc «\! J^ «ar 
iM^ht^f^i^^f ■' " •" -^^ •' - ;!*«». 

Mff. Frad, O SiAi^, Ita^^ Mub r HCinite 
Aoner, yoa ,voaUI have fern' the Rc fil u r ibtf • of a* 
Lorer^HtptdTirr and i «r parfiSlh'^^'iKl wkh die 
ftme llidiiiniittce thUt we«Aief.«-^-Oa nnrliie, I am>aif 
WSi^ aijhrfD feu ti UMiiy of a Bhit^ tliat I tfefpift^. 

lif«./W^ VlThat^dien,' fte bcjte h m^ hcrokalfy ? 
'*'*Mffl f)ri^.VMi t)^tlkamr.Jki.ajr yoa'ftr be lias 
r>| iWrtijtcrf mc^; ind 1 rtb^podfTolWfeii BfeWTdn 
l^1bohi)p!aii^i^^fH^SlM»«^ B^^^ Hmt 

flbt*hc^«iar feArti rtc.»- eJrt- «^w;5^ W «Aragcd3 amf 
ra!ki'^rp<b^4^'af ^dmtMfffn^f^^ 1iimfe!f;-^ 

If he hai a Mind to thronr himfeff aii^y, he can't \io 
ii more etfe^uall^ thW upon iiie^' IF \fe^ould bril»g 

itabout. '?'■"'>--■-'- :..^.-:-.i.> ..••• i 

'•' Mft. /'Jh^* Ofiinj^^hku, <>W Pt)x*! tteV ^bo cun* 
Mtng ) befidei, he hates both you and me."*— Bot I liat^e 
a I'rojcdt in my Head for you, antfJ 'hilVejfone agood 
Way Wsli*a»^fe. ^ ' I 'Mv^ afAfoft^ tniiiAi a^rgain with 
ttt^/i^v, r^A^rfVjr'Man;^ to* fell hb M^tetw. u»» 

Mm /V4//. «eU hitt^f how) . 

Mrs. 



IQQ tor licr ; and Jerefi^ fayv ; m JW^ ^Jf/ WXi W 
.her that I^^lIIlI»^,pfl,)fcsv^.7T-%w f, hayje pr^vW 

Confam. 




^IB^^Ifr Ail rSff|if€;jW>JWi3M ^ , , 

^. .UAL, Foi^EsioHT, 4i)ii/ JktkkViv ■ ' ^;V '' 

Sc4nd, And have you given yourjJJ|jjJ}cf,fi J^J^jjf 
their Plot upon him ? [7<>^ Jeremy. 

Jirrwy. Yes, 'S\i^ hi Hy^ Se% favour it, and 
inifbke herifori^jr^&f*r'>r, ,.;iA y^ 

, ^mf/^ •Huiht5*rTif^er;;ijpf i^^i^ 

.4i^I^[ W *ee, .,and tb^,.<bj^ prpph^fjn:;-!;^ 

NTP,>ft^th^, yYW;ft l»ft7n??!l^W. ;P jel} w|^fi?8 to 
c<?9>»(fi-^TrTRw ^^^qiL HnPW WJ ^a^^^^ 1=9 

ikpftrn«« . i^;^J^«i|pe^:8H^r k A*>Wr'< 

.^5eii>i^.:iro^9)qixoiir,: "i^^ v^.vm;*- i^^i^r^ a 

2^<>r§/: Pray \yhat will be done at Court? r,u<Ku, n 
.n j/H; *^^«W :H^^^tt;llJ<»^.•n^^ .tpever 

Faces behmd Counter8|t.a»:i^, SsCligi^s WJ^J9tM fold 
^ili::every Shop. Oh ! Things will go methodically in 

the 




•3W t.^b^'t^l P** i tt)'VC»L[ 

"the Ciiy^'ttifSkAi vriffiiiSe'ntfdiefltlibdn^^ttd 
tfM^liartfar HdM^bi fti the Kjtcfa^ttT^d. IW* 

' lioMies will be Aifl of Smoke id4 Stratagem. Aii^t^ 
cropc fMiti^e tftac (Veepi* his Msiitefs ^id^ mllfce 

'NMin^ut theieam two nidgs tfaM ytuwM&o 
vmihthg^; whkV^rr««^toiimTeswhli'4eirL<%Si 
at Libeltyr and lane 'CtRikolds With CMiis alsdot 
their Nedcs.^— -But hold, i'miiitcacamixie y»u b^orel.* 
£P AJ6^lerry^u)ookffi^frkio^i]y. Are ^3^011 fJ^uj^aad. 
J>ri/:.lmiiAaftied. ? 
. raJ. Poor Creature ! Is your Wife QfCovcat^G^rdat 

Psiriftir .• "•■ ••- • 1 ; - , - ■'. :•:/? 

ivnyC No; St.Mirtins /> tbiFiilds. ?, ;: 

Fai,''A\2a; poor Man ! Ms Ej^ are funk, and his 

Hatids (hrirded; his Legs 'dwindled, and his B«3^ 

bowed. Pray, pray^ for a Metambrphofis^^-Changl^ 

thy §lKipc, aod^fliake off Age; get thee ifaM^*^ Ket« 

tle^ and bife. boned anew; tome ibnh with labourij)g» 

, callous Hands, a Ch inc. of ^teel, arid -^/Z^* Shoulders. 

I^ TaUc^oijus tdm the CaWes of twerity Chairmen^ 

' and rasdce tliee Pedeftafe "to fbnd ere£i upon ; and Jo^k 

Matrimonyiiri the Facc.^ Ha/ ha, hal That a Man 

(liould have a Stomach to a Wedding Supper, \Vhetr 

the Pigeons ought rath<;r to be laid to his Feet! 

ba, ha,Tia! ' ' '- ' ■ 

Foref. Hi^' Frenzy is very high noWj Mr. ScandaL 
Scand* I believe it is a Spring tide. ' 

Foref. Very likely truly; ^oii undc!^ 
Matters. Mr. ScanJaU I (hall be very ^lad to confer 
wifh yoii kbout tbcieTTKines tvhicli Kfe has uttered.^— 
His'Sayihgs are T^y ttiyfterious and^hicroglyphittd. ^ 
p'aL Oh^yr\iy.woM\^ Angelica be ablest t>diTa*'rfiy 
■ Eyesib'Tong? •^- •' ••• '^f'^-- .r- k ■:'■■-' -..^f 
7^r^wv. ShfeVticre, Sir. '' ' ' . r 

Mrs. Fore/, Now, Sifter. , . 
&lrs. Frail O Lord* whit muft I fay ? 

Scand, 



>JW. WKerei8 Ae^ <», 1 fee'hcrl— SheecWiWfJlike 
Rkl^,Jieaklv^ndlJiDer^^ atoticci to ^ dQipalrin^ I 
fbiving, and idMmdotied WtctcYu^-'^Oh vrdca>m^>'' w<^*r 

COlllei'.^. f- .♦■ ■. - ' '-'. :- f ./ • - :i., >..'".*•> f 

o-^^itk: Hadke^-^' baTe;^ rSccrot to* teU you-Trr^«<afyi 
wdok>ia»d the Moon ihallineetvs^ upon .ilii^4r^r!L^^^'^ 
aiii ite^U !« manwd iri thc'dcacl «>f Night^-rBut fajr b#C 
a Word. IfynKH Ihall put his Totdi into a dark L2lh« 
teroi that u may be tecrel; and Juno (hall give hdr 
PrdEcwi Poppy-water, that he vna^ fold hia ogljttg 
Tail, and Arguses hundred Eyes be (hut, h^? ;No^()4y 
(hall know, h\}l Jerep^ 

Mrs, FraiL No, no, well keep it fecret ; it (haH be 
done prefemly. , . -; 

Vak^\yt iboner theb€tter--fyi?^//i2yt^ comehithef^^ 
ckifep— ihat none may over-hear us i-r^jfrem^t I can 
tell yoii New&» AitgeUcd. is turned Nun ; and i am 
tumitig Fryaf :. and yet we'll marr^ one another in jfpite 
of the Pope.—- Get me a Coul and Beads, (hat I may 
(lay myTart-*.^ror.(hc'il meet roe two Hours hetice in 
lack and whit^, and a long Veil to covei: the Proje^ft; 
and'wewou'tfee^one another's Faces, till we have. done, 
fomething t<^ be a(hained of-^and then we'U blu(h 6nct/^ 
iorall* , , . .; ' 



t 



S C E N E XVI. 

J^fff^* ril take Care, and-r- ^ 

VqL Whifper, . 

Ang^ Nay, Mr. 7W//r, if you make Love to me» 
you Ipoil my Defigp r for I intend tQ make you my 
Confident* 

Ttf//. But, Madam, to throw away your Perfon,^ifu(3i 
a Perfon ! and fuch a Fortune, 'on a Madmlm ! ^ <^ 

". . , , Ang. 



3IJ LOVE FOR tOVE. 

Aag. I nercr loved Um till he warmad; butcba't 
idlaaybodvib. 

StmuL How's thit? fMr inaidiig Love to Jbh- 

Tatt. T4 Madam? Alas, you dont knoir me.-^ 
I have much ado to tell your Ladyihip how long I have 
been in LoTe with you — but, encouraged by the Im* 
poffibility of FaleMtine*s making any more AcidFeflb to 
you, I miTe ventured to declare the very inmod PuHion 
. of my Heart. Oh, Madam, look upon us both. Theie, 
you lee the Rums of a poor decayed Creature ! — Heit, 
a compleat livdy Figure, with Youth and Heahh, and 
all his five Senfes in Perfe^ion, Madam ; and to all 
. chit, the mod paffionate Lover— 

Jif^, O, fie for Shame, hold your Tongue* A paf- 
fionaie Lover, and £ve Senfes m Perfedion ! Wheli 
you are as mad as FaUntiae^ Y^ bdieve }^u love me ; 
and the maddeft flial! take roe. 

VaU It IS enough. Ha! Who*s here? 

]V^« Fm'^. O Lord, her coming will fpoil all* 

yTo Jeiemy. 

Jerenry. No, no. Madam ; he won't know her : if 
he fhould, I can perfuade him. 

Fah Scandal^ whoarethefc? Foreigners? If they 
are, I'll tell you what I think. — Get away all the Com- 
pany but Angelica^ that I may difcover my Defign to 
her. ^ \}ibllper. 

Bcand. I will — I have difboveied fomething oiTa/iie, 
that is of a Piece with Mrs. FraiL He courts Ai^eiica ; 
if we could contrive to couple them together — 
Hark*ee— [*^/^. 

lAn.Forefi He won*t know you, Coufm; he knows 
nobody. 

Foref, But he knows more than any body. — Oh, 
Niece, he knows Things pail and to coroei and all 
the profound Secrets of Time. 

Tatt, 



LQ V E f OR LO V E. 315 

Tatt, Look you, Mr. F&reJ^ht; it i§ not my Way 
to make many Words of Matters, and fo I {han*t fay 
much. — ^But in (hort,. d'ye fee, I will hold you a 
hundred Pound now, that I know more Secrets 
than he. . . . . 

FDreJl How ? I cannot >ead tliat JKnowiedge in your 
Face, Mr. ?ljf///f.— Pray, iv-hat do you\now? 

Tatt. Why, d'ye think I'll tellyou,. Sir ?r-Read it 
in my Face } No, Sir,' it'is w:ritt^n in. my Heart; and 
fafer there, Sir> than Letters writ in Juice of Lemon, 
for no Fire can fetch it out, J ana no BJab^ Sir. 

Vaknu Acquaint Jmnv^ with it; he may eaiily 
bring it about. — ^Thev are welcome^ and I'll tell them 
fo myfelf. [7"i> Scancfal.l Wha^ do you lookftrange 
upon me .^— Then I muu be plain. \Comingitp tothem.^ 
I aip'TriK&i and hate an old Ac^tiaimance witH a new^ 
Face. . ^ • . , . i 

[Scandal ^^oo afiJe imh Jeremj^ 

Tatt. Do you know me, Valentine f 

VaU You ? Who are you ? No, 1 hope not, 

Tatt^ I am Jack Tattle^ your Friend. 

Fal. My Friend! what to-do? I am no married 
Man, and thou canft not lye with my Wife: lam 
Yery poor, and thou canil not borrow Money of me. 
Then what Employment fiave I for a Friend ? 

Tati Ha ! A gpod open Speaker, ^d not to be 
trufted with a Secret. 

jlttg. Do you \itiowxciC, Falentin^? ^ 

Vah Oh, very well* .. . 

Ang. Who am I ? 

VaU You're a Womani— one to whohi Heaven 
gave Beauty, when it grafted Rofes on a Briar. You 
are the Reflexion of iSaven in a Pond; and he that 
leaps at you is funk. You arie all white, a Sheet of 
lovely fpoilefs Paper, when you firft ^e boin;. but 
you arc to be fcrawled and blotted, by eveiy Goofe's 
Quill. I know you ; for I loved a Woman, and loved 

Vol. I. ' O her 



thoi 



.^4 LO^y.E^l^OR X;0T;E. 

her fo Ipng, that I fopnd out a ft]»nge T^fig.- I found 
4>ut what a Woman was good for. 
' Tau* Ay, prythecj^ what*s that > 
'\f^ Why/toiicgp a Secret,^ i ^ 

. 7:;x^. OLord! ; " • ^ 

f^aL O, .exceeding good ,to keep a, Secret : for, 
oughfte ih^puTd fcil^ ve^ flie Ts'iibt u>l)c believe^* ' 
Tati. Ha! go6d( again, faith.' ' ^ '' 

^f^/. I would have Mufick — Sing rae the Song flrflt 

S O N G. 
,1. 

vW coM again h^ t^hme ^^jMitfey . > . ; ij , 

And Ijbould aMn0i V&wt iUkkOatbsjfeHevx^ \ 

Sift, ie iopkhh limber 'OMildiem^^. 
U. 
JR^ y our'Wiak amivjeeny Truth^ I find^ 
X^fiv hates to center in a Point q^n*jd^ 

^ T/jen never kt uf chain ^wbatjbould hefre^^ ^ / 

'BmtfifrReHiiffefeithtr Sex qgreg: ,. 

itince Women Jove to change, and Jo doijjel ; 

No more; for I am melanchpiy. [Walks mufitig* 

Jercn^. I'll do't, Sir. \To Scandal. 

^cand, Mr* Jparc^^^^*^ we hA<Vbijfl: leave him. He 
fnjiy grow QUtr^eous, andjdp M^lchief, , 

P^r^ I will Ks direiSbed by yo\i. 

Jcreigif [to Mrs. traiU\ Yoxi'l} meet, MHdam.i— M 
^akpcarc everything (hall be ready* 
^ "Mrs. Fw/T. Thou ihak do wh»t thou wilt y, ij> ibort, 
twill deny tjiee ivotl^ngL : ..^ 

^att. 



LOVE r O A LO Vte* 31^ 

Tat}. Madam, Aall I wait upon yovi ?* [To Angelica. 

Ang. No, 1*11 ftay with nim.^— Mr. Scandal will 
proied mc. Aunt, Mi*. Tattk defirts jt)tl would give 
kim Leave td wait on you. 

Tatt, PoKon*t, there*s no coming bfl^ mJW (he/hs^* 
faid that — Mjjdam, will you do me the Honour ? 

Mrs. Foref. Mr. 7V^2?. might haV6 ufed it&tdr^m 
hiony ! 

S C E ]^J E xviL 

AwGELrcA, Valentine, Scandal, , 

^canS. Jtremp^ follow Tank. 

Ang. Mr. Scan4aU, I only flay till my ]\laid cpmcs, 
andbecaufe I had a Mind to be rid of Mr. Tank. ^ 

Seand. Madart, 1 am veiy glad that I ov*ei<heatx>^ 
better Rcafbn, which you gave to Mr. Tattle ^"{otYA^ 
Impertinence forced you to acknowledge :a Kindhefi 
for Vakntine^ ivhich you denied to alt hi^ Sulferings 
and my SoUcatidns. So Til leave hini fo make'lJfe of 
the Difcovet/; and jroidrLadylhip to the fr^'Confefi 
fion of your Inclinations. 

Aug. Oh Heavens ! Yoii W6n*t lea^ irieahmewith 
a Madman? 

Stand. No, Madam ; I only leave ^ Madman tQ 
his Remedy* 

; scfeNE xviiL ; 

Angelica, Valentine. 

Vol, Madam, you need pot be very much afraid^ 
for I fancy I begin to come to myfelf^ . 
Ang. Ay, but if }. dpn't fit you^ I'll be hanged ! 

- Fal. You fee what Difguifes Love makes us put on. 

Oods have been in counterfeited Shapes for the fame 

O 2 Rcafon; 



fii *L O y £ FOR LOVE. 

JieaCon ; and the dirine Part of me, my Mind, h2s 
vrom this Maiqoe of Mad^ds, and this looclej Li- 
\try, only as the Slave of Lore, and menial Creature 
of your Beauty. 

r ^d^iff jhkrcy on mCf bow he uILs ! — poor raJcn- 
$iMl ' 

.';J^^ Vfy# F-^il W 'VMf ^ lift under ftnnd one ano- 
ther, Hypocrisy apart.*-— The Comedy draws toward 
an End; and Jet its think of leaving aeling, and be 
oiirililvei; ajv^ finceyou have loved, me, you muil 
.eWA* I have at length deierved you (hbuld confefs it. 

Ang.^hs, I woidd I had loved you ! — for,. Heaven 
knows, 1 ])ity you ; and^ could I have foreseen the bad 
£&ds, I would have driven ; but that's too late J 

tv.' •■/ -;- . " :,-' ^ -^ . ■ ■' ;'. r :. ' I%^- 
Vt^u What faiI;ffefikstHrhat'$ too kter—afy 

germing Madnefs has deceived my^ Father, and pro* 
.cored o^ Xyxtut, to. tbink of Means to reconcile ipe to 
}>Hn,,.;UMl vpicferve the Right of my Inhentance to his 
Eflaie; which x)therwife| . by Articles, I muft this 
jMo^nyig 4^ve reigned. And this I had informed 
ma.pf Xo-day, but you were gone before t Icnew yon 
had been kere. ' . ,, 

ux^t^^A^^^ Ithpughtj^our Love of'me had caufed 
thi^ 'Jppijxfport in ypgr Soul; which, it feenas, you 
l5^^^/£c\|nterfpUea for mercenary , Ends, a^d fordid 

im^. ' :" , /' .',,"' ■ ' '". .. . , ' 

\ yuU Nay, now you do me Wrong ; for, if any 
Int^r^it was con^ldp^ it was yours \ Unce I tho^ight 
I wanted niQre than Love» to make me worthy 
«f yon* 

; -,Jb^* Then you thought^ m^ tnercenary— But how 
am 1 ^Jeludcdr )>y this Interval of Senfe, to reafon 
i.withi^Madi^anlv. "[■'. ^ \ ,^. ^ '^^"', ■ '^ 

; ^4/. j Oh, His |jarbarou5 , tp .j:nifuriderfljand ' me 

longer...,,; ,'. ,, 'Va .• ■ . ilr- i '■/ y]. 



LOVE F6 R t dVE. 5H 
S C E N E xix; ; 

[T'i?/^'^^] Jeremy; ^ 

-^/^. Oh here's a reafonabte Creatiire^fdre lie wiH 
net havq the Impudence to perfevere I— Corp^, Jerrm\ 
acknowledge your Trick, aAd cOhfti*^ your jMtaifer'3 
Madncfe counterfeit. ' '--•.- , / ; 

Jsreniy, C6anterfeit,;Mridatn ^' I'lfttai^nfainl^?^ 
be as abfolutely and iubllantially nfiady- 'as utiy^Frec- 
holder in Bedlam, Nay, he's as ' mad as any Projc^r* 
Fanatick, Chemift, Lover, or I'oerJ in !E2^r<j^^» 
Falm Sirrah, you lie; I am not m^d, 
Ang. Ha, ha, ha ! you fee lie dbnie^it.' • 
Jeten^s O .Lord, Madjun, did you ey^ know anjr^ 
Madman ma^ enough to own it ? ' / '\ ' v >• ^ 
. /y7/.,5or, can't you appr^heiiid^ ''^' 'V;^ : •-en 
^ Ang,y^hyj,i\& tdkedyery,fenfiblyjart nd#.^i^^^^^^ 

. ^emny* . les, Madam ; he has Ihtetvalsr-'but'^otl-^ 
lee b|S ^begins to look wild ag-ain noW. >^ ' "" 

'Vai^, Wliy you thick-ikulled Rafqil, V^eU you the 
Farce is done, and Fll be mad no longer. \Beau ban. 
^^r4pg^ Ha, fia, ha! is he mad or no, yeren^f ' ' ■ 
['^ere^.. Partly, J th ink— for he does not k rtbiv his 
own. Wfind two Hours.— -I'm foife rieft him j lift ndW 
in the Humour to be mad : and* 1 tHihk I liavlfe^ft^t 
/oMnd him very q^uiet at this pefent. Who's thl^ t 

KaL Go fee, you Sot. , I'm veiy glad tli^t rein 
move your Mirth, though liot your CompafTronl ^ 

Ang. I did not think you had Apprehenfion eiwugh 
to be exceptious: but jNfadmen fhew themfelves hioil, 
by over pretending " to a fouhrf yxtdcrftahdingj as 
drunken Men do by over-a<5ting Sobnety. i'^ wa6 hallT 
inclining to believfe you, till I aCdidctttiHly touched 
upon your tender Part. But now you have rtftored 
.me to niy tbrmer Opinion and Compaffion. 

O 3 Jo'cm^\ 



5i« L O V B F O R L O V E. 

Jeremy. Sir, your Father has fcnf, to know if you 
are any better yet.-^WiIl you jdeafc- to be mad. Sir, 
or how? 

fW. Stupidity ! You knoir the Penalty of all Fm 
worth roull pay for the Co&feiSon of my Senfes* I\n 
mad, and will be mad, to every body but this Lady. 

Jerett^. So ;-*3ufL the very Back-fide of Truth*-— 
But Lying is a Figure in Speech^ that interlards the 
greateft Part of niy Convcrfation.-^Madam, your 
Ladyfhip's Woman. 

SCENE XX. 

Valentine, Angelica, Jennt. 

Jug. Well, have you been there?— k}ome hither. 

Jenwp, Yes, Madam; Sir Zampfon will wait upon yoa 
prefentl3> ]^AJide to Angelica. 

^ FaL .You are not leaving me in this Uncertainty? 

Afig. Would any thing but a Madman complain of 
Uncertainty? Uncertainty and Expectation are the 
Joys of Life. Security is an infipid Thmg; and the 
ovenaking^ and pofleffing of a. Wifh, difcovers the 
Folly of the Chace. Never let us know one another 
better ; for the Pleafure of a Mafquerade is done, 
when we come to (hew our Faces. But 111 tell yoti 
two Things before I kave you; I am not the 
Fool you take me for; and you are mad, and don\ 
know it. 

SCENE XXI. 

Valentine, Jeremy. 

Vat, From a Riddle, you can expcvfl nothing but 
a Riddle. There's my lnftruC>ion, and the Moral of 
^y LeflbtJi 



LOVE Pi OK BOt^K ^ni^ 

' y^hmy. What, is the Lady gone again. Sir? I hope 
ypu nnderfldod^one anothct bctore ihc went ? 

Fal, Underllood ! She is harder to be under ftood 
than a Piece oijEgyptian Anfiqisity,' or an /rj/^-Ma- 
iliifcript; you rtiay pone till you fporl your Eyes^ and 
not improve ybulrKnouiedge. 

Jere?ny, I have heard them fay, Sir, they read haixl 
Jiebrei^j Books backwards. May be: you begia tb reskd 
atthe^vrongEnd! 

F'al, They fay fd of a Witfch's Prayer,' and Eh-earris 
and Dutch Almanacks are to be underftdod by Con- 
traries. But there b regularity and Method in that { 
flie is a Medal without a Reyerfe or Infcription, for ' 
Indifference has both Sides alike. Yet, while fhe does 
pot feeiri to hate me, I will purfue hec, and know her 
if it be porfible^^ in Ipight of the Opinion of my fa* 
fiirical friend &-<j%^/, who fays, 

^^hat Women are lih Trrckr hy SUgbt efHandi 
Which i to admire^ ^MeJbouU not underfland. 

i^ND OF T»E FOORTH ACT* 

''■■ -A C T-V. -S/C'E N E: 1.-.;' 

A Room in Foresight's Jloufe^ 

Angelica and Jennv. 

Jug. TT THERE is Sir Sampfonf Did you not 
VV tjEill me, he would be . hep^ibe- 

Jenny, He*s a»: the great Glafs in the Dining-ropip, 
Madam, fetting his Cravat and Wig, 

O 4 Ah^. 



. je%..Bcf9r! Ent ^ on't-^ff be h^ a Mind I 
0)Oi^ like ton* it'p^ a Sign iit likes jne^aad that's 
more dan half my Dcfign. 
i ygay^ 1 bear higy Madam. 
J >ii^» Leave me; and, d'ye hear, if/'kfaiiai^ Ihoiiki 
conae* oricnd, lam not to be fpokenivkh. 

' S cene n. 

AnO£lica» -fir Samfsok. 

Sir filow^yr I have not been honoured with the 
Commands of a fair Lady a great whikw— Odd, Madam» 
you have rcnved me— not fince I was Sm and 
thirty. 

j4/t^. Why, you have no g^cat Rc^n to complaiiiiji 
%\\ Sajnfjofi • that is not long ago. ? , , , 

Sir Sarupjl Zooks, but it }s, Madam, a very great 
while ;. to a Man that admires a ^pe Woin^ ^ mi^h 

j4ng. you*re an abfolute Courtier, Sir Sampfin* 
Sir Sam^. Not . at all. Madam. . Ods-bud you 
vnox\g me'j T am not fb old neither, to l>e a bare 
Codrtier, only a Man of Words. Odd, 1 have warm 
jKood about me yet, and can ferve a Lady any Way, 
—-Come, come, let me tell you, you Women think a 
M^n old tod foon, , faith and troth you do. Come,. 
c^on*t (^efpife fifty ; odd, Fifty, in^ hale.Conftit^ion, 
i^ no fuch contemptible Age r 

" Ji/tg, fifty a contemptible A^e! Not at all: a very 
falhionable Age, I think — 1 allure you, I know very 
1 onfideraWe Beaux, that fet a good Face qpon Fifty.-^ 
Fifty ! 1 have feen Fifty in a Side- box, by Candle- 
tight, out-blotJbm Five-aDd-tv\enty. i 

Sr Sam^. Outfides, Outlides ^ a pize tak^ th^m, 

meer Oumde^. Ilahg' your Side-box Beapx; no, 

I'm none of thofe, n6ne of your forced Trees, that 

pretend to bloflbm in the Fali^ and bud when they 

. • ftould 



LOVE FOR LOVE. 311 

(hould biing forth FruiU I am of a long-lived Race, 
and inherit Vigour. None of my Anceftors married 
till Fitty ; yet they begot Sons and Daughters 'till 
Foiirfcore. I am of your Patriarchs, I, a Branch of 
one of your Antediluvian Families, Fellows^ that the 
Flood could not wafh away. Well, Madam, what ans 
your Commands ? Has any young Rogue affronted you^ 
and (hall I cut his Throat ? or — 

Ang, No, Sir Samfjbn^ I have no Qnarrel upon my 
Hands — I have more Occafion for your Conduct than 
your Courage at this Time, 'to tell you the Truth, 
l*m weary of living fingle, and want a Hulband. 

Sir Sampf Odfbud, and it is Pity you fhould !— Odd, = 
would fhe would like me ! then I (hould hamper my 
young Rogues : odd, would fhe would ; faith and 
troth, (he's devilifti handfome ! [AJiJe,'] — Madam, you 
deferve a good Hufband ! and 'twere Pity you (hould ' 
be thrown away upon any of th'efe young Idle Rogue's 
about the Town. Odd, there's ne'er a young Fellow 
worth hanging — that is, a •wrp; young Fellow — Piz« 
on them, they never think beforehand of any Thing— 
and if they commit Matrimony, 'tis as they commft: 
Murder; out of a Frolick: and are ready to han<3r 
themfelves, or to be hanged by the Law, the nex^ 
Morning. — Odfo, have a Care, Madam, 

Ang. Therefore I a(k your Advice, Sir ^ampfon. I 
have Fortune enough to make any 'Maiv eaiy that I can 
like; if there were fuch a thing as a young jtgreeablc 
Man, with a i^eafonable Srock of Goixl-hature and 
Senfe — for I would neither have an abfolute Wit, nor • 
la Fool, 

Six Sampf. Odd, you are hard topleafe; Madam: ta 
find a young Fellow that is neither a Wit in his own 
'Eye, nor a Fool in the Eye of the World, is ^ very 
hard Tafk. Bur, faith and troth, you fpeak very di^ 
erectly ? lor I hate Iwth a Wit and a Fool. 

^i A>tg. 



34S LOVEFORLOVB. 

Atg* She that marrks t Fool, Sir Sop^fim^ forfeks 
the Reputation of her Honefty or Underftapding : and 
ihe that marries a very witty Man, is a SLive to the 
Severity and infolent Conduct of her Hufband, I 
fliould like a Man of Wit for a Lover, becaufe I would 
have fgch an one in my Power : but I would no more 
Jbe his Wilt, than his Enemy ; for hi« Malice U, not 
a more terrible Conlequeace of his Averfion, than his 
Jealoufy 15 of his Love. 

Sir Sampf. None of old Forefigh^s Sibyls ever uttered 
.fuch a Truth, Cdfbud, you have won my Heart, 
1 hate a Wit ; I had a Son that was fpoilt amon^ 
,them; a good hopeful Lad, till he learnt to be a Wit 
—and might have rifen in the State. — But, a Pox on't, 
his Wit ran him out of his Money, and now his Po- 
verty has run him out of his Witp. 

Ar^eL Sir Samffin^ as your Friend, I muft tell you, 
you are very much abufed in that Matter — he's no 
more mad than you are. 

Sir Samp/. How, Madam ! Would I could prove it ! 

^ng, I can tell you how that may be done-^but it i& 
a Thing that would make me appjcar to be too much 
concerned in your Affairs. 

Sir Sam^. Odfbud, I believe (he likes me ! [Jfide^l 
—Ah, Madam, all my Affairs are fcarce worthy to be 
laid at your Feet; and I wilh, Madam, they were in a 
better Poflure, that I might make a more becomiiig 
Offer to a Lady of your incomparable Beauty and 
Merit.— If I had Peru in one Hand, and Mexico in 
t'other, and iht Eaftern Empire under my Feet ; it would 
make me only a more glorious Vidim, to be offered at 
the Shrine ot your Beauty. 

jing. Blcfs me, Sir Sampfim^ what's the Matter ? 

Sir Sampfi Odd, Madam, I loveypu-^and if you 
tyould take my Advice in k Huiband — r 

Afig. Hold, ho\^^ Sit Sdmpjofu I afked your Ad- 
vice ior a Husband, and you arc giving me youi* Con- 

fent. — 



X D V 1 f © ft LX>,V E. s^y 

f^io^I wa(9 iiidesd thinking to pfopoftfometliiiislike 
^in Jtfft, tO'fm%tyf(mabo\itKaUnt4ne: ibr^if a Match 
<vcr« f<Sem$tigly carried on between you and mc. It 
wouM oblige him to throw off his Diiguife of MadncB^ 
th 'Appreh<>n6oaot'lo(iBg mef for, you know, hehaa 
long pfet^nded a Paffion forme* 
- Srr Sd^f/^ Gadzook&^T a moft iiigenioQS;,Contn- 
^ance— i-if U^e wtre to go throo^ with it ! But why 
muft the Matck only hQ Jeeming^ ptfi;ied on?-r-Qdi 
•|(-t It be a real Conti-aft, ' . , 
• Jlng. Qfie^ Sir^Stf%Sa/ what would ^ World 
fay? ' , . , . 

Sk SkTfff, Say h They would fay^ ^you were a wife 
Wom^n, and I-a happy Man» Odd, Madam, TJl bve 
you 39 long as I livt;; and Iciave you a good Jointure 
when I die. v . . . . 

^ng. Ay; but that js not in your Powery Sir 
^mpjon'y foi*, whiKi ^^<7>/iir^ confetiejB himfc;!/ in Jiis 
denies, he mult make over his iaheriiance. to his 
younger Brother. , i. 

' S\x Sampf. Odd, you're cunning, a wary BaggJ^. 
Faith and rroth,.f like yoa the bctjter.— But, I war- 
rant you, I have a Provilb in the Obligation iaFavQMr 
of myfelf.— Body o'me, I have a Trick ip turn the 
Settlement upon the Ulue Male, qf pur Two Bodies -• 
begotten. Odabud, fet ds fiiid Children, and 111 find 
ah Eftate! 

Affg, Will you? Well, do yon find the Eftate, ^^ 
leave the other to me ! . 

Sir Sam0l O Rogue ! But f 11 truft you. And ivill 
you confcnt ? Is it a Match then ? . . 

A^g, Let me confult ray Lawyer co^Kerning tliia 
Obligation ; and if I find what you propote practicable, 
ni give you my Anfvvcr. 

Sir ^afnf>/: With all my Heart. Coineip with riie,^d 
1*11 lend you the Bond.— You Ihall, confult your Law- 
"yer, a]:id Til gpnfiilt a Parfon*: Qi^c^St J^'a yoiing^ 



ZH LO,VE FOR LOVE. 

Map ; Odzooks, irm « young Man, and I'U m^e tc 
appear— Odd, you're deviH(h handfome. Faith and 
• Troth, you're Yeryhandfomc; and I'm very youag, 
.and very hifty. — Odsbud, Hufly, you know how to 
chufe I and fo do I, — Odd, I think we are very weft 
met*— Gi?e me your Hand f odd^ kt me ktfs it ; 'tis as 
warm and as foft — as what ?r«-*odd, as t'other Hand!-^ 
Give me t'other Hand j and I'll momble them, and 
fkiis thei%>tiiIV they melt in my Moutlu 

^ngp Hold# Sir Samfi/in /-^Yov^re profufe of yout 
Vigour before your Time. You'll ipend your Eilate 
before you oome to it. 

Sir Sf^^ No» BQj only givt you a Rent Re4l of 
n^ Poireiiio&»'*-«Ah 1 £agga^!-«-^I warrant you for 
little ^oTff/oft^ Odd, Saa^att is a very good Name for 
an able Fellow. Your Sai^Jbns were lirong Dogs from 
the Beginning. 

Ang, Have a Care, anddon^rovcr-aft your Part.— • 
If you remember, Samfrfifjti the firongeil of the Name, 
pulled an old Houfe over his Head at laft. 

Sir Sampf, Say you fo, Hufly ? — ^Come, let's go 
then; odd, I long to be pulling too. Come aw^y. — 
Odib, here's. ibmd)ody coming. 

_ S C EN E IlL 

. / . Tattle,. Jeremy.i 

Tait, Is not that Ihe, gone out jull now ? 
^ Jeremy. Ay, Sir, (he's jVift' going to the Place of Ap- 
pointnient. Ah, Sir, if you are hot very faithful and 
clofe in this Sufinefs, youll certainly be the Death of 
a Perfon that has a moll e^ftraordinary Paflion for your 
Honour's Service. 

Tatu Ay, who^ that? 

yeren^. Everi my unworthy felf. Sir. — Sir, 1 have 

liad an Appetite to be fed with yonr Commands a^reat 

* " wnite 



LOVE FOR LOVE- .32$ 

while — And now, Sir, my former Matter having much 
troubled the Fountain of his Underftandhig, it is a very 
^plaufible Occaiion for me to quench my Thirft at the 
Spring of your Bounty.—*! thought I could not re- 
commend myfelf better to. you, Sir, than by the Deli- 
very of a great Beauty and Fortune into your Arms, 
wboHirhavc heard you figh for. 

Tai. • Vl\ nrake thy Fortune 5 fay no ftiore.— Thou 
art a pretty Fellotv, and canft carry a Meflkge to a 
Lady, in a pretty foft Kind of Phrale, and with a good 
perihading Accent. 

Jeremy, Sir, I have the Seeds of Rhetorick and 
Oratory in my Hcacl — I have been at Cambrif^e. 

Tatt, Ay; 'tis well enough for a Servant to be bred 
at an Univedity : but the Education is a Kttlc too pe* 
dantic for a Gentleman. I hope you are fecret in your 
Nature, private, clofc, ha? 

Jeremy, O Sir, for thatv Sir, 'tis my chief Talent ; 
Fm as fecret as the Head of j^//k/* 

Tatt. Ay ? who's he, though ? > A Privy-Coim* 
fellor? 

Jereprjf, O Ignorance ! \Jfide\'^h cunning :^gyp^ 
ttan. Sir, that with his Arms would over-run the 
Country, yet nobody could ever find out his Head-^ 
Quarters. 

Tatt. Clofe Dog \ A good Whoremafter^ I warrant 
him!— The Time draws nigh, Jeremy, Ar^elica W\\\ 
be veiled like a Nun ; and I mull be hooded like a 
Friar J ha, J^r^/wy^' 

J^rem^ Ay, Sir, hooded like a KEawIc, to feize at 
firft Sight upon the CJuarnr. It is the Whim of my 
Mafter's Madnefs to be (o drefTed,- and (he is fo in 
Love with him, ffie'll comply with any Thing. .ta' , 
pleafe him. Poor Lady I I'm fure fhe'lj havjeRealpn / 
to pray for me, when flie finds vrh^t a happy Exchange 
fhe has made, between ^ Madinan and fi)^GimpliA\ed 
aGendeman* ;'.'*,>/,, ^; 

" " ' ' ' Tatu' 



3a6 LOVE F 6)^ L O V E, 

Tatt. Ay, Faith, Co (he will, jcrer^: Yoirre a good 
Friend to icr, poor Creature! — I fivcar I <isi it hardly 
k^ much in Coaruleration ot' my feir, as Coiiipaffion to 
her. 

Jerev^. ^ 'Tis an Ad of Charity, Sir, to fave a fine 
Woman with thirty thoufand I*ounds from throwing 
herieif away. 

I'att. So 'tis, faith ! — I itiight have fared feveral 
others In my Time ; but, egad I could never find in my 
Heart to nurry any body before. 

Jtreji^. Well, Sir, VU gp and tell her my Ma{ter*8 
coming; and meet yovi in half a Quarter or an Hour, 
with your Difgulfe, at your own Lodgings. You 
mull talk a little madfyj ihe w^n't diflinguifh the Tone 
of your Voice* 

Tatt, No, no, let mc alone for a Counterfeit.— I*n 
ke ready for you. 

S C E N E iV. 

Tattle, ilfyj Prue. 

Mife Prve. O, Mr. Tatik^ are. you here ? I*m jglad 
I have found you. I have bee^ looking up. and down 
for you like any Thing, till I'm as tired as any fhing 
in the World. 

Tatt. O Pox 1 how (hall I get rid of this /oolUh 
Girl? [JfiJe. 

Mifs Prue, O, I have pure News, I can tell you 
pore News — I mxift not marry the Seaman now — my 
Father fays fo. Why W9n't you be my Hufband? 
You fay you love m^ ! an4 you wpn^t be my Huf. 
band. And. 1 know you may. |3|C.ipy Husband now, 
ifyou-pkafe. .. : , ,, •:■•■; ;,. /. ,>; ' ^... '. ", ' ,; 

^tf^^ Q lie, Mifs ! \vfho tol4 you fq/ Cb\U ? \ 

MH$ Pr/w.; Wt^y>; niy i^at4errr:|,to5d |lifm';hat ypu 
loYcd me. 



LOVE FOR LOVE. 327 

Tatt. O tie, Mifs ! why did you do fo ? Aiid who 
told you fo, Child ? 

Mifs Prue. Who? Why you did; did not you ? 

<ratU O Pox, that was Yefterday, Mifs; that wiis a 
great while afro, Child. I have been afleep (ince^; 
flept a whole flight, and did not fo much as dream of 
the Matter. 

Mifs Prue, Pftiaw ! O but I dreamt thut it was fb 
though. 

Tatt, Ay, but your Father will tell you that Dreams 
come by Contraries, Child.-^O fie! whar, we muft 
not love one another now. — Pftiaw, that would be a 
foolilh Thing indeed. — Fie, fie, yoti're a Woman 
now, and muft think of a new M^n every Morning, 
and forget him every Night. — No, no, to marry is to 
be a Child again, and play with the fame Rattle al- 
ways : O fie, marrying is a paw Thing ! 

Mifs Prue. Well, but don't you love me as* well as 
you did laft Night then ? 

Tatt, No, no. Child, you would liot have me. 

Mifs Prue, No ? Yes but I would though. 

Tatt. Plhaw, but I tell you, you would, not.— -You 
forget you are a Woman, and don't know your own 
Mind. 

Mifs Prue, But here's my Father, and he knowi 
my Mind. 

S C E N E V. 

IT^them] Foresight* 

Foref, O, Mr. Tattle^ your Servant, you are a dofe 
Man; but methinks your Love to my Daughter Was a 
Secret I might have oeea trufted with ! — or had you a 
Mind to try if I could difcover it by my Art? — Hum» 
ha ! I think there is fomething in your Phyfiognc- 
my, that has a Refemblance of her ^ and the Girl is 
like nie. 

Tatt. 



3ig L O V; E FOR LOVE. 

Tait, And fb you would infer, that you and I air 
alike — ^What does the old Prij^ mean ? I'll banter him, 
and laugh at him, and leave him. [^^^i<?.]-^Ifancy yon 
ha^ a wrong Notion of Faces. 

Fare/. How ? what ? a UTong Nodon ! How fb ? 
Tatt, Xn the Way of An, I have fome taking Fea- 
tures, not obnous to Tulgar Eyes, that are Indications 
of a fudden Turn of good Fortune, in the Lottery of 
Wives ; and promife a great Beauty and great Fortune 
referved alone for me, by a private Intrigue of Defliny, 
Icept fccret from the piercing Eye of PeSpicuity, from 
all AftrologjCrs, and the Stars themfelvea. 

Foref. Mow ? I will make it appear, that what you 
fay is impoilible. 

Tatt. Sir, I beg your Pardon, 1 am in hafle— 
Foref. For what? 

Tatt. To be married. Sir — ^married. 
Forff. Ay, but pray take me along wuh you. Sir. , 
Tatf. No, Sir; it is to be done privately— 1 never 
make Confidents. 

Forejl Well ; but my Confent, Imean. — You won't 
marry my Daughter without my Confent ? 

Tatt. Who ^ Sir ? I am an abfolute Stranger to you 
and your Daughter, Sir. 

Foref, Hey-day! What Time of the Moon is 
this ? 

Tait. Very true. Sir; aad^lefire to continue fo. I 
have no more Love for your Daughter, than I have 
Likeneis of you : and I have a Secret in my Heait, 
which you would be glad to know, and fhan't know; 
and yet you (hall know It toD, and be forry for it after- 
wards. I'd have you to know. Sir, that 1 am as 
knowing as the Stai-s, and as fecret as the Night. And 
Fm going to be married jul^ now, yet did not know of 
It half an Hour ago ,* and the Lady flays For me, ahd 
does npt know of it yer. — There's a My fiery for you* 
—I know you love to untie Difficulties.— Or if you 

can'i 



\ 



^ li ^ y E td R- tl 0>\^ E. i^ 

' S'C E N E VI. * ^ > • yyr: 

Mift-Pfi^; O Father, ^WK5rwHi» yott Id Wm go' 
WoaY 3^11 make hitil to Wii^yHueb^ii? ^' ' 

F<wn^ Mercy on us, what do theffe Lurt^cs jtof^ 
lclld^ Alas ! he^ mad, CWld, ftfld* wild; 

Mifs Prw. What, and mlift tjca: I have e'er a>Hu^ 
band then ? Wh^f, mtfft I |o t6 -Bed to Ncirle again, 
and bftaCl^id asloflji^asib^sdnoldWomdh? lodeed, 
but I won't. For, now my Mind is fet upon a Manj 
1 will have aMan foitie Way of othei^ Ohl mcthinla 
Vm fick when I think of a Man; ^hd if I can't have 
one, I would go td fle^ all my^ life: for when I'tn 
awtk«^ it maktsusei wiih i and lotig; : and I^donVkiiow 
forwhat— and rd radier be always alleep, than £ck. 
with thinkingi ' ' 

Fat^j: O fearful r I think the Girft jnfliipnccd 
foo. — ^Hufly, ydit (hall hattes^ Rod; 

Mife Prue. A Fiddle of a Rod ! lHhave a Husband; 
and if you won't get me one, PH get one for myfelf;. 
I'ti' marry our RoSin the Butler: he faysf he love? me; 
and he's a handfome Man, and ftall be my Husband:.' 
I warrahrhe'lhbemy'^Hihbftnd, arid thttiikitte too^ for. 
he told me ^b. • - - " ^'>' 

S C E N E VII. 

[To fimlScAtiDAi., il^ri. Fores iGHT.tfW Nurse'.. 

Fof^e/.- Did he To .••— I'll difpatch him for it prefehtly! 
Riguel— Oh, Nurfe» come hithef. ' ' ' ' ' 

'jV"«iFy?t WhktiSy(>ur\^''or(hip'sPkaiure?'^" ' • ' 
' Fmf: Here take your young MiHir-f^, ftnd lb<*K hei' 
up preftitdy, tin tatther Orders' frciii^ nie:'---Nbt . i 

Word,, 



Word, Hiiffv^Do what I bid 9901b No Repine nWl^. 
And bid RoUn make roidy to gi\'e«n AosouoT of!hft^ 
Plate and Linen, d'ye hear? Be gone, when I bid 
you. 

Mrs* Fffref. Whtt'i the Matte?, Hoflwmd? 

Far^. Tb not comrenicnc to telf yon now — Ify.. 
icandaJj Heaven ke^ us ah in ottr Soafts !«-tI <^ 
there is a conugious Frenzy abromd*. Haw does 

Scand, O, I hope he will do well agaiii.*^! ha?e « 
MefTage from him to your Niece AngSica^ . 

Fortf. I think (he has not retUfni^^ fihco flte #en# 
albroad widi Sir Samffon^ Nttrfe»^ why art. yow Hot 
gonei 

«C:E KE/WIL- 

vEoftBUCHT, ScAWOAfiy iM^X. FofttSlOfiT, BeSI^ 

Foref, Here's Mr. Benjamin \ he ca^ tell us; if hift^ 
Father be come home. 

^//z* Who? Father? Ay, heV comer^bome^ith a: 
yengeancc. 

Mrs. Fortf. Why, what's the Matter? 

J9f/r. Matter I Why, he's mad. 

Foref. Mercy on us! I was afraid of this. 

Ben, And there's the handfome young Woman, (he, 
as they fay, Brother FaU went mad for, (he's mad too, 
I think. » 

F<?rr/: O my ix)pr Niece ! my poor Niece ! is (he 
gone too ? Well, I lliall run mad next. 

Mrs. Foref. Well, but how n>ad? how d'ye 
jnean ? 

Ben, Nay, I'll give you l^eave to guefs—lll ui}- 
dertake to make a Voyage Xjq Antigua— no^ X.U^ayn*t 



fyy (p neither— tbut 1*11 fail as far as Leghorn ^ apd bn^k. 
l4jaiD,..bcfiQreyonihall guefe at the. Matter, i«d do 
* nothing 



LOVE FQR LOYE. jji 

jiotHing elfc. Mefs, you majr take in all the Pointy 
of the^mpafe, and not hit Tight. 

Mrs. Potef. Yqur Experiment tvlll take up a Ikd^ 
too much Time, 

Ben. Why then V\\ tell you : There's a new Wed- 
dh%g upon the Stocks, and they two are going to be 
itoarried to rights. 

Scand. Who? 

Ben. Why Father, and— the young Woman. leaner 
hit of her Name, 

Scand. Angelica f 

Ben. Ay, the fame^ 

Mrs. Foref. Sir&/^« and ^;»^^//rtff ItnpoffiUe^' 

Ben. That may be— but l*m fure it is as I tell you.. 

Scand. 'Sdeath, it is a Jell. I <Jah*t Selieve it. 

Ben. Look you, Friend ; it is nothing to me, whc^ 
ther you believe it or no. ' What I fay is true ; d'ye 
fee, they afe TOafried, 6r jufe going to be married, I 
know not which, . 

Foref. Well, but they are not mad, that is, hot 
lunatic ? 

Ben. I don't know what you may call Madnefs— 
but (he's mad for a Hufband, and he's Horn-mad, I- 
think, or they'd never make a Match together.— Here 
they come. 

7s C E N E IX. 

\74)thejh\Sir^hM?%tin^ Angelica, Buckram. 

Sir Sampf. Where is this old Soothfayer ? this tJncle 
ofmineelecl? — Aha! o\^ Forejtght ! \J nc\^ Forejtght! 
wifhmejoy. Uncle Forefight^ double Joy, both as 
Uncle and Altrologer; here's a Conjundtion that was 
not foretold in all your Ephemerh ! —Th^ brighteft 
Srar in the blue Firmament — is Jhot fiom ahove^ in a 
Jelly ofLcrve^ and fo forth ; and I'm Lord of the Af- 
cendant. Odd, you're an old Fellow, ForcJtght\ Unclei 

I mean. 



«2 LOVE FOR LOVE 

I inean; % very oicl Fellow^ Uncle ForeJ^ht\ and yet^ 
you (hall U^e to dance at my Wedding; Mth and 
tibtk you Aialh Odd, we'll have the Mufick of the 
Spheiett' for thee, old. 2.//^ that, we will;, aiid thou 
ihah lead up a Dance m /^(i.I.tB5?f<?«.- 

\Fsr^ Vm Thunder- ftruck I You are not marriesd to^ 
tny.'Niec^?'" ■■; , ---:'. ._ l-.\-.V 

t ? ; /Sir- Sam01 ICdt abfolu tely married, Undc ; i But 
tey near it 5 within a Kifs^ of the Matter, as you fee. , 
y. . . . •> [JG^i Angelicsii 

' u^>!^. "irk Tcry true indeed. Uncle ; I hope you'll 
be my.Fadicr, and give me*. 

y Si^S«^ That he ihall, or 111 burn hia GI^dcs; 
-^Body o'nac, he (hall be thy Father; Kl roakebim 
thy Father, and thou (h^t.iftMe fie iiFathcrv andTH 
ihkkc thee a, Mother; .and weTl b^et Stmsvind 
Daiigbteis enoTag^' to put the .Weekty Bills oiii^ of 
Countenance. . \. 

:. &cMd. Death and Hett! Whcrds rahttkt^ ' 

;' *■/;'• '^"^ ; 'S-CE N e' - xr.; 

iS/f''8A'WFS0N, ANcrticA, FoRKsioHT^ Mti. Fore* 

^iGHr, Bbn, ButJXRAM. ' 

Mis. Forrf. This is fo furprizing— 

Sir Sampf, How ! What does my Aunt fay ? Sur- 
prizing, AuRti Not at ill, J tar ^ ypung Gouple to 
make a Match in Winter! Not at all—rlt's a Plot to 
undermine cold Weatl^er, and dellroy that Ufurper of 
a^ Bed called a Warming-pan. .; 

Mrs. Foref I'm glad to hear you have fo much. 
Fire in you, Sir Safr^n. ; \r\ r '^^ 

,^it, Me^, I fear his Firm's liitj^ battertha a; fin- 
der Vn^ayhap' it ivill only ferve tp %ht up a M?\'cli 
for fomeoody elfe. The yopng Woman'sa. iiandiime 
ypwng Woman, I can't deny it '..but. Father, if I 
" " " * might 



T- O V E FOR LOVE. 353 

might be your Pilot in this Cafe, you lliould not marr^ 
iier. It ia juft tHe faaiie Jhing as. If fo be you ftouldi 
iiaii fo £aa as The Siraights without Provifioil. / ' " 
-Sir ^ifwjy: Who gave you- Auth(JrijQr to;fpesik, 
Sinrah? To your Element, Fifli ; ; be mtfte, Pilh, ai^d 
to Sea, Rule your Hclriiy. Slrrahjj ddja't cHrodliiicj ! 
/-^en. Well, jwcelU take you Care' jbf your dWn 
Helm ; or you mayn't keep your new Veflcl ftei^yi rr» 

Shxi^anffi Whyv you inipudentrTatpaulin r;Strdih, 
do you brmg your Pfltccaftic Jiella upon yowr Father? 
But J (hall be even with you; I won't give you a 
Groat. Mr. Bucknah, is the Conveyance u> w^ded, 
that nothing can poHibly defend to this Scoundrel ? I 
would Jiotfo much as have him have the ProQ)e(5t of 
an Eilate> though dierc were ho Way to come id it, 
bbtby thei^fcwf^-^a^Pai&ge. . : 

IBiickram:^ Sit, it is drawn according to your Di* 
tedionsc; thei^/is liot . ithcieaft Cranny of the La\r 
unftopt. " , 

Ben. Lawyer, I bdicv.c there^ many a Cranny \xA 
Leak unftopt in your Confcience! — -If fb be that one 
had a Pump to vour Boibm, I believe we (hopld dif-. 
cover a foul Hold, They fay, a Witch will fail in a 
Sieve**-but I befiere tlie Devil would not venture 
aboard your Conference^ And that's for you. , 

SirS'tfw/vC Hold your i'ongue/Sirrah.^— How now ? 
who's here? , ♦ - V ■ i; - 

■ i- •, ^ "'"- :^;V..SC^N'£ -XLv:^::'^-'. ;•■ ' -v 

i^/3&<w] Ta^ttle, tf«rfJl^j. Fr^ ^r 

Mrs. FraiU O, Sifter, the nlbft' iiiilii^ -Acbii- 
dent! ' ^ •- 



Sftf//. O, tlie two moft unfortunai pbdi-''Cj:eiture 
iatheWbridwe^re; ■ ^^ '■ - '(^^ ^ 



^^Mrt. 



3J4 tots roU LOVE^ 

Mrs. Frajil. Ah, Mr. Ta/ik and I, poor Mn Taftk 
and I arc — ^I can't fpeak it out. 

Tatt. Nor I— Biit poor Mr^ Frail and I are--- 
Mrs. J5r/3fx7. Married. 
Forc/l Married! How? 

Tati, Suddenly — before we know wlicre we wer«— 
that Villain S^emriy, by the Help of Difguifes, trickt 
us into one another. 

Forc/l Why, you told me jiift now, yoii Went 
hence in Hafte to be married 1 

J»g. Rut, I believe, Mr. Tau/e meant the Favbu J 
to me» I thauk him. 

Tatt. I did, as I hope to be favcd^ Madam ; my 
InteQtions were good.'— But this is the moll cruel 
Thing, to marry one does not know how, nor \vhy^ 
nor wherefore.-^The Devil take me, if ever I was fo 
much concerned at any Thing in my 'Life. 

j^ng. *Tis very unhappy, if you don't card for onC 
toother. 

Tan. The leaft in the World— that is, for my Part> 
1 fpeak for niyfelf. Gad, I never had the leaft 
Thought pf fericxus Kindnelk— I never lifced any body 
lefs in, my Life. Poor Woman I Gad, Xm forry fot* 
her too ; for I have no Reafon to hate her neither ; 
tut I belicvQ I {hall lead her a damned Sort of a 
Life. ' 

Mrs* Forrf, He's better than no Hufband at all-^ 
though he*s a Coxcoi^b. - [To Frail. 

Mrs. Frail [to her.'] hy^ ay, it*s well it's no worfe^^ 
Nay, for my Part, I alwaysdefpifed Mr. 7i///pof all 
Things ; nothing but his being n;^ Hufband coyld 
have msilc me like him lefs. 

Tatt. Look you ^thete, I thovght as mugh !-*Pox 
pn't, I w^ifh wecouid keepitfecret; why fdon'r be- 
lieve any of this Company would fpeak ot" it." 

Mrs. Frail. But, my Dear, liiat^ impoffible ; tbd 
Vubn and that Rogue jera/^ Will pubfiih in 

tatt. 



'l^Q/V)^! FnO>Ri L.QV>& III 

, ,Tait. Ay^ myDcsar, fo tb^ w^l, . a^ you %•. ;' 

jling. O you'U agree very well in. a little Timi^i 
Cuftom will make it eafy to you* 

Tatt. Eafy ! Pox on't, I don't believe 1 fhaU fle^p T(>* 
night. f 

Sir Sampjl Sleep, quotha ! No, why you would 
pot ilc«p o^ your: Wedding^night? Tiifj an oldt^ 
Fellow than you, and don't mean to llepp* 
■, J^en^ Why ^here's appt^ier Match now, as.thof a 
Couple of Privateers were looking for a Prize, ani 
ihpMld fall foul of one another, Vm forry for. the 
young Man with all my Heart. Look you^ Friend,* if 
X may advife ^ou, when file's going-^nfor thait you 
^iiuii expeft, I have Experience of her-?— whcn.flie** 
going, let her go» For lyo Matrimony is , tough 
enough to hold her ; and if fhe can't drag, her Anchqi^ 
along vwth her, fhe'U brejrf?; her Cable, I ca^ tell you 
that. — Who's here? the Madman? 

S C ENE 7& LaJiM 

Valentine, ScA^fDAL9 Sir Sa^mpson, Angelic a> 
• FoRESiCHT, Mrs. Foresight, Tattle, i^j. 
Frail, Ben, Jeremy, Buckram. 

Fat. Noj heiJe's the Fodlj and, if Qccaiion bo^ 
I'll fi[ivc it under my Hand. 
^^ Smtff. How^noW-? 

^ FaL Sir, I'm come ta acknowledge my Errors, an^ 
aik youf Pardon. 

Sir Sampf, AVliat, have you found yoor Senfcs at 
kll then ? In good Tim^ Sir. 
' FaL You were abufed. Sir; I nevetwasdiftradted* 
- For&f ftfow ! not madf Mr. S^aHdaff 

Scand. No, reallyv Sir; Fm his Witnefe, it wasLall- 
counterfeit. 

Fak^ i tlioifght r had Rcafons^tut it was a. poof 
Contrivance^j the Eftd has ihcwn it fucb. 

8rf 



iit L O V *5 P-O R^ h O V B. 

Sir Samj^. Contrivance! what, to clieat me? to 
cheat your Father ! Sirrah, could you hope to ptof- 
pcr? 

FaL Indeed, I thought, Sir, when the Father en- 
deavoured to undo the oon, it was a reafonable Re* 
turn of Nature. 

Sir ^^wwj^r Verv good. Sir.-— Mr. J??/rifr/wft areyoii 
ready ?— Come, Sir, will you fign and feal ? 

Fal. If you pleafe, Sir ; but ddX I would alk this 
Lady one Queftion. 

Sir San^ Sir, you mud alk me Leave firft.-— 
That Lady ? No, Sir ; you (hall alk that Lady no 
QuelHons, till you have aflced her Bleffing, Sir. That 
Lady is to be my Wife. 

Pa/. I have heard as much. Sir; but I would have 
it from her own MoutK 

: Sir Sam^. That's as much as to fay, I lie, Sir ; and 
you don't believe what I fay. 

Fal, Pardon me, Sir. But I reflect that I very 
lately counterfeited Madnefs : 1 don't know but the 
Frolick may go round, 

' Six Samff, Come, Chuck,' fatisfy hnn, anfwerhim. 
•-Come, Mr. Buckram, the Fen and Ink. 

Buckram. Here it is. Sir, with the Deed ; all is 
ready. [Val. ^otfj/^ Ang. 

Aug, ^Tis true, you have a great while pretended 
Love to me; nay, what if you were llncere? Still you 
inuft pardon me, if I think my own Inclinations have 
a better Right to difpofe of my Perfon, than yours. 

Sir Sam^. Are you anfwered now, Sir? 

Tai: Yqs, Sir. . . '^ 

Sir Samf/, Where's your Plot, Sir? and your, Con- 
trivance now, Sir? Wfli you fign. Sir? Comie, wiH 
you fign and feal ? 

^r With all my Heart, Sir.' 

Scan^. 'Sdeath, you ar« not inad indeed? to ruin 
yourfelf ? 

Tal. 



i 



LOVE FDR L D V fi. ^57 

' FaL I have been difappomted of toy only Hope > 
and he that lofes Hojjc may part with any Thing, t 
never valued Fortuoe, but as k was fabfervient to my 
Pleafure; and my only Pkafurc was, to pleafe ihit 
Lady : I have made many vain Attempts : and find 
Ht laft that tiodiiog but my Ruin can etfed i^; 
which, for that Reafon, I will fig^ to.—Give mc 
the Paper. 

Ang. Generous Valentine f i-^/f^ 

Buckram. Here is the Decd> Sir^. 

Fal. But where is«be Bond, by which I am obliged 
to fign this ? . 

buckram* Sir Sampfon^ you have it. 

Ang. No, I ha<^e k ; and I'll irTe it, as I would 
every thing that is an Enemy to y<ikntinc. 

ITean the Taper. 

Sir Sampf. How now ^ 

VaU Hal 

Ang. Had I the World to give yow, it could not 
maVe me worthy of fo generous and faith ful a Falliou. 
Here's my Hand ; my Heart was always yours, and 
^ruggled very hard to make this utmoll Trial of your 
Virtue. \To Val, 

VaL Between Pteafurc and Amazement, I ain lofl— 
But on my Knees 1 take the Blciling. 

Sir Sampf, Ooons, what is the Meaningt)f ihit? 

Ben, Mefs, here's the Wind changed again. [ at her, 
you and I may make a Voyage together now ! 

Attg, Well, Sir Sampfim^ finc?e I have played you a 
Trick, ni advifc you how you may avoid fuch ano- 
ther. I;eam to be a good Father, or you'll never get a 
fecond Wife. I always loved your Son, and hated 
yx>ur unforgiving Nature. I was refolved to try him 
to the utmoft^ 1 liave tried you too, and know yow 
both. You have not more Faults than he has Vir- 
tues ; and it is hardly more Pleafiire to me, that I 

Vou I» P cua 



j3« I- O V IE FOR L Q V E. 

Kran make bisn and myfelf {bappy, than Chat I esm 
jHioiih you. 

f^^z/. If my Happincfs couU receive Addkioo, thi» 
M\nd Surprize would make it double. , ^ 
S\t Sampfi Ooons, you're a Crocodile ! 
Foref. Ke^jt Sir Sarttj^n^, iKit is a fiidde« 
Xc4ijpfe« 

Sir Sam^. YouVe an illiterate old Fool; wi Yxdi 
Another* 

Ta/u IfthcGentkmaritsinDiforderfbr Want of a 
Wife» I caa fpare him mine.— Oh» are you there, 
•Sir? 1 am indebted to you for my Happbeft. 

I ra Jeremy. 
Jereimy, Shr^ I aik ycMi ten thou (and Pardpns : t€ was 
«n errant Miflake* — You iee„ Sir, my Mailer was 
rfiercr mad, nor any thing like it. — ^Then how could 
it be otherwife? > 

Fat. Tattle^ I thank you ; you would have Lnter- 
ijoied between me and Heaven ; but Proviflence laid 
Purgatory in your Way. — ^You have but Juftice. 

Scand. I hear the Fiddles that Sir Sam^n provided^ 
€or his own Wedding; roethinks it is Pity they 
Should not be employed when the Match is fo much 
jnended. Falenthf, thou|^ it be Morning, we niay 
Jiuve a Dance. 

Fal. Any Thing, my Friend, evciy thing that looks 
like Joy and Tranlport 
ScamL Call them, Jcrem^m 

Ang, I have done diilembling now, Faktitine; and 
If that Coldneii which I have always worn before yoiJ 
ihould turn to an extreme Fondneis, you muil no( 
iufpect it. 

FaL I'll prevent that Sulpicion— ^or I intend to doac 
to that immoderate Degree, that your FondneTs ihall 
never di^inguilH itfelf enough to be taken Notice o^ 
it ever you ieem to love too fnucfa^ it muft be unly 
fviien I can't love enough. 



LOVE FOR L OYE. ^f. 

Ang, Ha've a Care of Pi-omifes : you know you stfc 
apt to run more in Debt than you are able to pay. 

/W. Therefore I yield my Body as your Prifoncr^ 
ftnd make your heil bn'r, 

/f<j«//. Thie MuTick ii:ays for you. {pantli 

[ To AngJ\ Well , MadaiTi(, you have done exemplar/ 
Jurtlce, in punifliing an inhumnii ^Father, and re» 
warding a faith tul Lover: but there is a third good- 
Work, which I, in paniculirr/ miill: thank you for: 
I was an Infidel to your Sex, and you have converted 
-me-^tor now I am cohvihced that iall Wiw^en are not^ 
^ke Fortune, blind In beftowihg FarbursV either on^ 
thefe whd do not merit, or vrho do riot want them. 

Ang, It is an unreafonable Accufation, that you lay - 
upon oiw Sex, You tax us H^itlr'lnjuftiee, only to 
Cfiveryour own Want 6f Me^it^ You would all ha\fr 
the Reward or Love; but icvV ha\'e-the Coiirtan<:y to 
flay till it becomes your Due. Men are generally \\^ — 
pocrkes and Infidets; they -pretend to worfnip, bur 
hitvc neither Zeal nor Faiih- HoW lew, like Kah'n- 
tine^ would perfcvere even to Marty rdbm, ^nd facritio^ . 
cheir Intei^K to their Conflancy ! Inadimring «ie, yuu . 
uii^lacc the Noi-elty* 

^he Mtrack To-dq^ ts^ ifMt "Avi find 

A Loper 4rtu: yiat that a ffhmans kind^' ^ 



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