THE WORKS
OF
APHRA BEHN
EDITED BY
MONTAGUE SUMMERS
VOL. Ill
THE TowN-Fop ; OR, SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY
THE FALSE COUNT ; OR, A NEW WAY TO PLAY
AN OLD GAME
THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN
THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM
*- ' THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON
SEEN BY
PRESERVATION
SERVICES
DATE
MAY
LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN
STRATFORD-ON-AVON : A. H. BULLEN
MCMXV
PR
3311
v3
CONTENTS.
PAGE
THE TOWN-FOP; OR, SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY . . i
THE FALSE COUNT ; OR, A NEW WAY TO PLAY AN
OLD GAME . . . . . . .' -95
THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 177
THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, THE JEALOUS BRIDE
GROOM ... 281
THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 383
NOTES 465
THE TOWN-FOP; OR,
SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY.
in
(3)
ARGUMENT.
SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY is by the wishes of his mother and the lady's
father designed for Celinda, who loves Bellmour, nephew to Lord Plotwell.
A coxcomb of the first water, Sir Timothy receives a sharp rebuff when
he opens his suit, and accordingly he challenges Bellmour, but fails to
appear at the place of meeting. Celinda's old nurse, at night, admits
Bellmour to her mistress' chamber, where they are surprized by Friendlove,
her brother, who is, however, favourable to the union, the more So as he is
a friend of Bellmour, and they have but newly returned from travelling
together in Italy. Lord Plotwell warmly welcomes his nephew home,
and proceeds to unfold his design of giving him his niece Diana in marriage.
When he demurs, the old lord threatens to deprive him of his estate, and
he is compelled eventually to acquiesce in the matrimonial schemes of his
guardian. Bellmour sends word to Celinda, who replies in a heart-broken
letter 5 and at the wedding feast Friendlove, who himself is deeply enamoured
of Diana, appears in disguise to observe the traitor. He is followed by his
sister disguised as a boy, and upon Friendlove's drawing on Bellmour a
scuffle ensues which, however, ends without harm. In the nuptial chamber
Bellmour informs Diana that he cannot love her and she quits him mad
dened with rage and disappointment.' Sir Timothy serenades the newly-
mated pair and is threatened by Bellmour, whilst Celinda, who has been
watching the house, attacks the fop and his fiddlers. During the brawl
Diana issuing forth meets Celinda, and taking her for a boy leads her into
the house and shortly makes advances of love. They are interrupted by
Friendlove, disguised, and he receives Diana's commands to seek out and
challenge Bellmour. At the same time he reveals his love as though he
told the tale of another, but he is met with scorn and only bidden to fight
the husband who has repulsed her. Bellmour, meantime, in despair and rage at
his misery plunges into reckless debauchery, and in company with Sir Timothy
visits a bagnio, where they meet Betty Flauntit, the knight's kept mistress,
and other cyprians. Hither they are tracked by Charles, Bellmour's younger
brother, and Trusty, Lord Plotwell's old steward. Sharp words pass, the
brothers fight and Charles is slighted wounded. Their Uncle hears of this
with much indignation, and at the same time receiving a letter from Diana
begging for a divorce, he announces his intention to further her purpose,
and to abandon wholly Charles and Phillis, his sister, in consequence of
their elder brother's conduct. Sir Timothy, induced by old Trusty, begins
a warm courtship of Phillis, and arranges with a parasite named Sham to
deceive her by a mock marriage. Sham, however, procures a real parson,
and Sir Timothy is for the moment afraid he has got a wife without a
dowry or portion. Lord Plotwell eventually promises to provide for her,
and at Diana's request, now she recognizes her mistake in trying to hold a
man who does not love her, Bellmour is forgiven and allowed to wed
Celinda as soon as the divorce has been pronounced, whilst Diana herself
rewards Friendlove with her hand.
(4)
SOURCE.
The Town-Fop $ or, Sir Timothy Tavudrey is materially founded upon George
Wilkins' popular play, The Miseries of Enforced Marriage (410, 1607, 161 1,
1629, 1637), reprinted in Dodsley. Sir Timothy himself is moulded to
some extent upon Sir Francis Ilford, hut, as Geneste aptly remarks, he may
be considered a new character. In the older drama, Clare, the original of
Celinda, dies tragically of a broken heart. It cannot be denied that Mrs.
Behn has greatly improved Wilkins' scenes. The well-drawn character of
Betty Flauntit is her own, and the realistically vivacious bagnio episodes of
Act iv replace a not very interesting or lively tavern with a considerable
accession to wit and humour, although perhaps not to strict propriety.
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
The Toivn-Fop ; or, Sir Timothy Taivdrey was produced at the Duke's
Theatre, Dorset Garden, in September, i6y6. There is no record of its
performance, and the actors' names are not given. It was a year of consid
erable changes in the company, and any attempt to supply these would
be the merest surmise.
(5)
THE TOWN-FOP;
or, Sir 'Timothy Tawdrey.
PROLOGUE.
AS Country Squire, who yet had never known
The long-expected Joy of being in Town ;
Whose careful Parents scarce permitted Heir
To ride from home, unless to neighbouring Fair ;
At last by happy Chance is hither led,
To purchase Clap with loss of Maidenhead ;
Turns wondrous gay, bedizened to Excess ;
Till he is all Burlesque in Mode and Dress :
Learns to talk loud in Pit, grows wily too,
That is to say, makes mighty Noise and Show.
So a young Poet, who had never been
Dab ling beyond the Height of Ba Hading ;
Who, in his brisk Essays, durst ne'er excel
The lucky Flight of rhyming Doggerel,
Sets up with this sufficient Stock on Stage,
And has, perchance, the luck to please the Age.
He draws you in, like cozening Citizen ;
Cares not how bad the Ware, so Shop be fine.
As tawdry Gown and Petticoat gain more
(Tho on a dull diseased ill-favoured Whore)
Than prettier Frugal, tho on Holy-day,
When every City-Spark has leave to play,
Damn her, she must be sound, she is so gay ;
So let the Scenes be fine, you'll ne'er enquire
For Sense, but lofty Flights in nimble Wire.
PROLOGUE
What we present to Day is none of these ',
But we coud wish it were, for we woud please,
And that you'll swear we hardly meant to do :
Yet here's no Sense ; Pox on't, but her is no Show ;
But a plain Story, that will give a Taste
Of what your Grandsires lov'd i'th' Age that's past.
(7)
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
Lord Plot-well.
Bellmour, Nephew to the Lord Plotwell, contracted to Celinda.
Charles, Brother to Bellmour.
Friendlo-ve, Brother to Celinda, in love with Diana.
Sir Timothy Ta-wdrey, a Fop-Knight, design'd to marry Celinda.
, ' ^Hangers on to Sir Timothy,
dtiarp, )
Trusty, An old Steward to Bellmour' 's Family.
Page to Bellmour.
Page to Lord Plofiwell.
Sir Timothy's Page.
Guests, Dancers, Fiddlers, and Servants.
WOMEN.
The Lady Diana, Niece to the Lord Plot-well.
Celinda, Sister to Friendlo-ve, contracted to Bellmour.
Phil/is, Sister to Bellmour.
Betty Flauntit, kept by Sir Timothy.
Driver, A Bawd.
Jf"7' [Two Whores.
Doll, }
Nurse.
Ladies and Guests.
SCENE, Covent-Garden.
8 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT i
ACT I.
SCENE I. The Street.
Enter Sir Timothy Tawdrey, Sham, and Sharp.
Sir Tim. Hereabouts is the House wherein dwells the
Mistress of my Heart ; for she has Money, Boys, mind
me, Money in abundance, or she were not for me The
Wench her self is good-natur'd, and inclin'd to be civil :
but a Pox on't she has a Brother, a conceited Fellow,
whom the World mistakes for a fine Gentleman ; for he
has travell'd, talks Languages, bows with a bonne mine, and
the rest ; but, by Fortune, he shall entertain you with
nothing but Words
Sham. Nothing else !
Sir Tim. No He's no Country-Squire, Gentlemen,
will not game, whore ; nay, in my Conscience, you will
hardly get your selves drunk in his Company He treats
A-la-mode, half Wine, half Water, and the rest But to the
Business, this Fellow loves his Sister dearly, and will not
trust her in this leud Town, as he calls it, without him ;
and hither he has brought her to marry me.
Sham. A Pox upon him for his Pains
Sir Tim. So say I But my Comfort is, I shall be as
weary of her, as the best Husband of 'em all. But there's
Conveniency in it ; besides, the Match being as good as
made up by the old Folks in the Country, I must sub
mit The Wench I never saw yet, but they say she's
handsom But no matter for that, there's Money, my
Boys.
Sharp. Well, Sir, we will follow you but as dolefully
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 9
as People do their Friends to the Grave, from whence
they're never to return, at least not the same Substance ;
the thin airy Vision of a brave good Fellow, we may see
thee hereafter, but that's the most.
Sir Tim. Your Pardon, sweet Sharp, my whole Design
in it is to be Master of my self, and with part of her Por
tion to set up my Miss, Betty Flauntit ; which, by the way,
is the main end of my marrying ; the rest you'll have your
shares of Now I am forc'd to take you up Suits at treble
Prizes, have damn'd Wine and Meat put upon us, 'cause
the Reckoning is to be book'd : But ready Money, ye
Rogues ! What Charms it has ! makes the Waiters fly,
Boys, and the Master with Cap in Hand excuse what's
amiss, Gentlemen Your Worship shall command the best
and the rest How briskly the Box and Dice dance, and
the ready Money submits to the lucky Gamester, and the
gay Wench consults with every Beauty to make her self
agreeable to the Man with ready Money ! In fine, dear
Rogues, all things are sacrific'd to its Power j and no
Mortal conceives the Joy of Argent Content. 'Tis this
powerful God that makes me submit to the Devil, Matri
mony ; and then thou art assur'd of me, my stout Lads of
brisk Debauch.
Sham. And is it possible you can be ty'd up to a Wife ?
Whilst here in London^ and free, you have the whole
World to range in, and like a wanton Heifer, eat of every
Pasture.
Sir Tim. Why, dost think I'll be confin'd to my own
dull Enclosure ? No, I had rather feed coarsely upon the
boundless Common ; perhaps two or three days I may be
in love, and remain constant, but that's the most.
Sharp. And in three Weeks, should you wed a Cynthia,
you'd be a Monster.
Sir Tim. What, thou meanest a Cuckold, I warrant.
God help thee ! But a Monster is only so from its Rarity,
and a Cuckold is no such strange thing in our Age.
io THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT i
Enter Bellmour and Friendlove.
But who comes here ?
Bellmour! Ah, my little dear Rogue ! how dost thou ?
Ned Friendlove too ! Dear Lad, how dost thou too ?
Why, welcome to Town, i'faith, and I'm glad to see you
both.
Friend. Sir Timothy Tawdrey!
Sir Tim. The same, by Fortune, dear Ned: And how,
and how, Man, how go Matters?
Friend. Between who, Sir ?
Sir Tim. Why, any Body, Man ; but, by Fortune, I'm
overjoy'd to meet thee : But where dost think I was going ?
Friend. Is't possible one shou'd divine ?
Sir Tim. Is't possible you shou'd not, and meet me so
near your Sister's Lodgings? Faith, I was coming to pay
my Respects and Services, and the rest Thou know'st
fny meaning The old Business of the Silver-World, Ned;
by Fortune, it's a mad Age we live in, Ned ; and here be
so many wicked Rogues, about this damn'd leud Town,
that, 'faith, I am fain to speak in the vulgar modish Style,
in my own Defence, and railly Matrimony and the rest.
Friend. Matrimony ! I hope you are so exactly refin'd
a Man of the Town, that you will not offer once to think
of so dull a thing : let that alone for such cold Complexions
as Bellmour here, and I, that have not attain'd to that most
excellent faculty of Keeping yet, as you, Sir Timothy, have
done ; much to your Glory, I assure you.
Sir Tim. Who, I, Sir ? You do me much Honour : I
must confess I do not find the softer Sex cruel ; I am
received as well as another Man of my Parts.
Friend. Of your Money you mean, Sir.
Sir Tim. Why, 'faith, Ned, thou art i'th' right ; I love
to buy my Pleasure : for, by Fortune, there's as much
pleasure in Vanity and Variety, as any Sins I know ;
What think'st thou, Ned?
Friend. I am not of your Mind, I love to love upon the
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 1 1
square ; and that I may be sure not to be cheated with
false Ware, I present 'em nothing but my Heart.
Sir Tim. Yes, and have the Consolation of seeing your
frugal huswifery Miss in the Pit, at a Play, in a long Scarf
and Night-gown, for want of Points, and Garniture.
Friend. If she be clean, and pretty, and drest in Love,
I can excuse the rest, and so will she.
Sir Tim. I vow to Fortune, Ned, thou must come to
London, and be a little manag'd : 'slife, Man, shouldst thou
talk so aloud in good Company, thou wouldst be counted
a strange Fellow. Pretty and drest with Love a fine
Figure, by Fortune : No, Ned, the painted Chariot gives
a Lustre to every ordinary Face, and makes a Woman look
like Quality ; Ay, so like, by Fortune, that you shall not
know one from t'other, till some scandalous, out-of-favour'd
laid-aside Fellow of the Town, cry Damn her for a Bitch
how scornfully the Whore regards me She has forgot
since Jack such a one, and I, club'd for the keeping of
her, when both our Stocks well manag'd wou'd not amount
to above seven Shillings six Pence a week ; besides now
and then a Treat of a Breast of Mutton from the next
Cook's. Then the other laughs, and crys Ay, rot her
and tells his Story too, and concludes with, Who manages
the Jilt now ; Why, faith, some dismal Coxcomb or other,
you may be sure, replies the first. But, Ned, these are
Rogues, and Rascals, that value no Man's Reputation,
because they despise their own. But faith, I have laid
aside all these Vanities, now I have thought of Matrimony;
but I desire my Reformation may be a Secret, because, as
you know, for a Man of my Address, and the rest 'tis
not altogether so Jantee.
Friend. Sir, I assure you, it shall be so great a Secret
for me, that I will never ask you who the happy Woman
is, that's chosen for this great Work of your Conversion.
Sir Tim. Ask me No, you need not, because you know
already.
12 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT i
Friend. Who, I ? I protest, Sir Timothy
Sir Tim. No Swearing, dear Ned, for 'tis not such a Secret,
but I will trust my Intimates : these are my Friends, Ned;
pray know them This Mr. Sham, and this by Fortune,
a very honest Fellow [Bows to 'em.~\ Mr. Sharp, and may
be trusted with a Bus'ness that concerns you as well as me.
Friend. Me ! What do you mean, Sir Timothy ?
Sir Tim. Why, Sir, you know what I mean.
Friend. Not I, Sir.
Sir Tim. What, not that I am to marry your Sister
Celinda ?
Friend. Not at all.
Eel. O, this insufferable Sot ! [Aside.
Friend. My Sister, Sir, is very nice.
Sir Tim. That's all one, Sir, the old People have adjusted
the matter, and they are the most proper for a Negotiation
of that kind, which saves us the trouble of a tedious
Courtship.
Friend. That the old People have agreed the matter, is
more than I know.
Sir Tim. Why, Lord, Sir, will you persuade me to that ?
Don't you know that your Father (according to the Method
in such Cases, being certain of my Estate) came to me thus
Sir Timothy Tawdrey, you are a young Gentleman, and
a Knight, I knew your Father well, and my right wor
shipful Neighbour, our Estates lie together; therefore, Sir,
I have a desire to have a near Relation with you At
which, I interrupted him, and cry'd Oh Lord, Sir, I vow
to Fortune, you do me the greatest Honour, Sir, and the
rest
Bel. I can endure no more; he marry fair Celinda!
Friend. Prithee let him alone. ]_Aside.
Sir Tim. To which he answer'd I have a good Fortune
have but my Son Ned, and this Girl, call'd Celinda,
whom I will make a Fortune, sutable to yours ; your
honoured Mother, the Lady Tawdrey, and I, have as good
sc. u] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 13
as concluded the Match already. To which I (who, though
I say it, am well enough bred for a Knight) answered
the Civility thus I vow to Fortune, Sir I did not swear,
but cry'd I protest, Sir, Celinda, deserves no, no, I lye
again, 'twas merits Ay, Cellnda merits a much better
Husband than I.
Friend. You speak more Truth than you are aware of.
[Aside.] Well, Sir, I'll bring you to my Sister ; and if she
likes you, as well as my Father does, she's yours ; other
wise, I have so much Tenderness for her, as to leave her
Choice free.
Sir Tim. Oh, Sir, you compliment. Alons, Entrant.
\_Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Chamber.
Enter Celinda, and Nurse.
Gel. I wonder my Brother stays so long : sure Mr.
Bellmour is not yet arriv'd, yet he sent us word he would
be here to day. Lord, how impatient I grow !
Nur. Ay, so methinks; if I had the hopes of enjoying
so sweet a Gentleman as Mr. Bellmour^ I shou'd be so too
But I am past it Well, I have had my Pantings, and
Heavings, my Impatience, and Qualms, my Heats, and
my Colds, and my I know not whats But I thank my
Stars, I have done with all those Fooleries.
Cel. Fooleries !
Is there any thing in Life but Love?
Wou'dst thou praise Heaven for thy Being,
Without that grateful part of it ?
For I confess I love.
Nur. You need not, your Sighs, and daily (nay, and
nightly too) Disorders, plainly enough betray the Truth.
Cel. Thou speak'fct as if it were a Sin :
But if it be so, you your self help'd to make me wicked.
For e'er I saw Mr. Bellmour^ you spoke the kindest things
of him,
14 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT i
As would have mov'd the dullest Maid to love ;
And e'er I saw him, I was quite undone.
Nur. Quite undone! Now God forbid it; what, for loving?
You said but now there was no Life without it.
Cel. But since my Brother came from Italy,
And brought young Eellmour to our House,
How very little thou hadst said of him !
How much above thy Praise, I found the Youth !
Nur. Very pretty ! You are grown a notable Proficient
in Love And you are resolv'd (if he please) to marry
him?
Cel. Or I must die.
Nur. Ay, but you know the Lord Plotwell has the
Possession of all his Estate, and if he marry without his
liking, has Power to take away all his Fortune, and then
I think it were not so good marrying him.
. Cel. Not marrying him ! Oh, canst thou think so poorly
of me ?
Yes, I would marry him, though our scanty Fortune
Cou'd only purchase us
A lonely Cottage, in some silent Place,
All cover'd o'er with Thatch,
Defended from the Outrages of Storms
By leafless Trees, in Winter ; and from Heat,
With Shades, which their kind Boughs wou'd bear anew ;
Under whose Covert we'd feed our gentle Flock,
That shou'd in gratitude repay us Food,
And mean and humble Clothing.
Nur. Very fine !
Cel. There we wou'd practise such degrees of Love,
Such lasting, innocent, unheard of Joys,
As all the busy World should wonder at,
And, amidst all their Glories, find none such.
Nur. Good lack ! how prettily Love teaches his Scholars
to prattle. But hear ye, fair Mrs. Celinda^ you have forgot
to what end and purpose you came to Town ; not to marry
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 15
Mr. Bellmour, as I take it but Sir Timothy Tawdrey, that
Spark of Men.
Cel. Oh, name him not Let me not in one Moment
Descend from Heaven to Hell
How came that wretched thing into thy Noddle ?
Nur. Faith, Mistress, I took pity of thee, I saw you so
elevated with Thoughts of Mr. Bellmour, I found it
necessary to take you down a degree lower.
Cel. Why did not Heaven make all Men like to Bellmour?
So strangely sweet and charming !
Nur. Marry come up, you speak well for your self;
Oh intolerable loving Creature !
But here comes the utmost of your Wishes.
Cel. My Brother, and Bellmour! with strange Men !
Enter Friendlove, Bellmour, Sir Timothy, Sham,
and Sharp.
Friend. Sister, I've brought you here a Lover, this is the
worthy Person you have heard of, Sir Timothy Tawdrey.
Sir Tim. Yes, faith, Madam, I am Sir Timothy Tawdrey,
at your Service Pray are not you Mrs. Celinda Dresswell?
Cel. The same, but cannot return your Compliment.
Sir Tim. Oh Lord, oh Lord, not return a Compliment.
Faith, Ned, thy Sister's quite spoil'd, for want of Town-
Education ; 'tis pity, for she's devilish pretty.
Friend. She's modest, Sir, before Company ; therefore
these Gentlemen and I will withdraw into the next Room.
Cel. Inhuman Brother ! Will you leave me alone with
this Sot ?
Friend. Yes, and if you would be rid of the trouble of
him, be not coy, nor witty ; two things he hates.
Bel. 'Sdeath ! Must she be blown upon by that Fool r
Friend. Patience, dear Frank, a little while.
[Exeunt Friend. Bell. Sham and Sharp.
\_Sir Timothy walks about the Room, expecting
when Celinda should speak.
1 6 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT i
Cel. Oh, dear Nurse, what shall I do ?
Nur. I that ever help you at a dead Lift, will not fail
you now.
Sir Tim. What a Pox, not a Word ?
Cel. Sure this Fellow believes I'll begin.
Sir Tim. Not yet sure she has spoke her last
Nur. The Gentleman's good-natur'd, and has took
pity on you, and will not trouble you, I think.
Sir Tim. Hey day, here's Wooing indeed Will she
never begin, trow ? This some would call an excellent
Quality in her Sex But a pox on't, I do not like it
Well, I see I must break Silence at last Madam not
answer me 'shaw, this is mere ill breeding by Fortune
it can be nothing else O' my Conscience, if I should
kiss her, she would bid me stand off I'll try
Nur. Hold, Sir, you mistake your Mark.
Sir Tim. So I should, if I were to look in thy mouldy
Chaps, good Matron Can your Lady speak ?
Nur. Try, Sir.
Sir Tim. Which way ?
Nur. Why, speak to her first.
Sir Tim. I never knew a Woman want a Cue for that ;
but all that I have met with were still before-hand with
me in tittle tattle.
Nur. Likely those you have met with may, but this is
no such Creature, Sir.
Sir Tim. I must confess, I am unus'd to this kind of
Dialogue ; and I am an Ass, if I know what to say to such
a Creature.
But come, will you answer me to one Question ?
Cel. If I can, Sir.
Sir Tim. But first I should ask you if you can speak ?
For that's a Question too.
Cel. And if I cannot, how will you be answer'd ?
Sir Tim. Faith, that's right ; why, then you must do't
by signs.
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 17
Cel. But grant I can speak, what is't you'll ask me ?
Sir Tim. Can you love ?
Cel. Oh, yes, Sir, many things; I love my Meat, I love
abundance of Adorers, I love choice of new Clothes, new
Plays ; and, like a right Woman, I love to have my Will.
Sir Tim. Spoke like a well-bred Person, by Fortune : I
see there's hopes of thee, Celinda; thou wilt in time learn to
make a very fashionable Wife, having so much Beauty too.
I see Attracts, and Allurements, wanton Eyes, the languish
ing turn of the Head, and all that invites to Temptation.
Cel. Would that please you in a Wife ?
Sir Tim. Please me ! Why, Madam, what do you take
me to be ? a Sot ? a Fool ? or a dull Italian of the Humour
of your Brother ? No, no, I can assure you, she that mar
ries me, shall have Franchise But, my pretty Miss, you
must learn to talk a little more
Cel. I have not Wit, and Sense enough, for that.
Sir Tim. Wit ! Oh la, O la, Wit ! as if there were any
Wit requir'd in a Woman when she talks; no, no matter
for Wit, or Sense : talk but loud, and a great deal to shew
your white Teeth, and smile, and be very confident, and
'tis enough Lord, what a Sight 'tis to see a pretty Woman
stand right up an end in the middle of a Room, playing
with her Fan, for want of something to keep her in Coun
tenance. No, she that is mine, I will teach to entertain at
another rate.
Nur. How, Sir? Why, what do you take my young
Mistress to be ?
Sir Tim. A Woman and a fine one, and so fine as she
ought to permit her self to be seen, and be ador'd.
Nur. Out upon you, would you expose your Wife?
by my troth, and I were she, I know what I wou'd do
Sir Tim. Thou do what thou wouldst have done sixty
Years ago, thou meanest.
Nur. Marry come up, for a stinking Knight; worse
than I have gone down with you, e'er now Sixty Years
in C
1 8 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT i
ago, quoth ye As old as I am I live without Surgeons,
wear my own Hair, am not in Debt to my Taylor, as thou
art, and art fain to kiss his Wife, to persuade her Husband
to be merciful to thee who wakes thee every Morning
with his Clamour and long Bills, at thy Chamber-door.
Sir Tim. Prithee, good Matron, Peace ; I'll compound
with thee.
Nur. 'Tis more than thou wilt do with thy Creditors,
who, poor Souls, despair of a Groat in the Pound for all
thouow'st them, for Points, Lace, and Garniture for all,
in fine, that makes thee a complete Fop.
Sir Tim. Hold, hold thy eternal Clack.
Nur. And when none would trust thee farther, give
Judgments for twice the Money thou borrowest,and swear
thy self at Age ; and lastly to patch up your broken For
tune, you wou'd fain marry my sweet Mistress Celinda
rfere But, Faith, Sir, you're mistaken, her Fortune shall
not go to the Maintenance of your Misses ; which being
once sure of, she, poor Soul, is sent down to the Country-
house, to learn Housewifery, and live without Mankind,
unless she can serve her self with the handsom Steward, or
so whilst you tear it away in Town, and live like Man
and Wife with your Jilt, and are every Day seen in the
Glass Coach, whilst your own natural Lady is hardly
worth the Hire of a Hack.
Sir Tim. Why, thou damnable confounded Torment,
wilt thou never cease ?
Nur. No, not till you raise your Siege, and be gone ;
go march to your Lady of Love, and Debauch go You
get no Celinda here.
Sir Tim. The Devil's in her Tongue.
Cel. Good gentle Nurse, have Mercy upon the poor
Knight.
Nur. No more, Mistress, than he'll have on you, if
Heaven had so abandon'd you, to put you into his Power
Mercy quoth ye no , no more than his Mistress
will have, when all his Money's gone.
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 19
Sir Tim. Will she never end ?
Gel. Prithee forbear.
Nur. No more than the Usurer would, to whom he has
mortgag'd the best part of his Estate, would forbear a Day
after the promis'd Payment of the Money. Forbear !
Sir Tim. Not yet end ! Can I, Madam, give you a
greater Proof of my Passion for you, than to endure this
for your sake ?
Nur. This thou art so sorry a Creature, thou wilt
endure any thing for the lucre of her Fortune ; 'tis that
thou hast a Passion for : not that thou carest for Money,
but to sacrifice to thy Leudness, to purchase a Mistress, to
purchase the Reputation of as errant a Fool as ever arriv'd
at the Honour of keeping ; to purchase a little Grandeur,
as you call it ; that is, to make every one look at thee, and
consider what a Fool thou art, who else might pass unre
garded amongst the common Croud.
Sir Tim. The Devil's in her Tongue, and so 'tis in most
Women's of her Age ; for when it has quitted the Tail,
it repairs to her upper Tire.
Nur. Do not persuade me, Madam, I am resolv'd to
make him weary of his Wooing.
Sir Tim. So, God be prais'd, the Storm is laid And now,
Mrs. Celinda, give me leave to ask you, if it be with your
leave, this Affront is put on a Man of my Quality ?
Nur. Thy Quality
Sir Tim. Yes ; I am a Gentleman, and a Knight.
Nur. Yes, Sir, Knight of the ill-favour'd Countenance
is it ?
Sir Tim. You are beholding to Don Quixot for that, and
'tis so many Ages since thou couldst see to read, I wonder
thou hast not forgot all that ever belong'd to Books.
Nur. My Eye-sight is good enough to see thee in all
thy Colours, thou Knight of the burning Pestle thou.
Sir Tim. Agen, that was out of a Play Hark ye, Witch
of Endor, hold your prating Tongue, or I shall most well-
favour'dly cudgel ye.
2O THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT i
Nur. As your Friend the Hostess has it in a Play too,
I take it, Ends which you pick up behind the Scenes, when
you go to be laught at even by the Player-Women.
Sir Tim. Wilt thou have done ? By Fortune, I'll endure
no more
Nur. Murder, Murder !
Gel. Hold, hold.
Enter Friendlove, Bellmour, Sham and Sharp.
Friend. Read here the worst of News that can arrive,
[Gives Bellm. a Letter.
What's the matter here ? Why, how now,
Sir Timothy, what, up in Arms with the Women ?
Sir Tim. Oh, AW, I'm glad thou'rt come never was
Tom Dove baited as I have been.
Friend. By whom ? my Sister ?
Sir Tim. No, no, that old Mastiff there the young
Whelp came not on, thanks be prais'd.
Bel. How, her Father here to morrow, and here he says,
that shall be the last Moment, he will defer the Marriage
of Celinda to this Sot Oh God, I shall grow mad, and so
undo 'em all I'll kill the Villain at the Altar By my
lost hopes, I will And yet there is some left Could I but
speak to her I must rely on Dresswell's Friendship
Oh God, to morrow Can I endure that thought? Can
I endure to see the Traytor there, who must to morrow
rob me of my Heaven ? I'll own my Flame and boldly
tell this Fop, she must be mine
Friend. I assure you, Sir Timothy, I am sorry, and will
chastise her.
Sir Tim. Ay, Sir, I that am a Knight a Man of Parts
and Wit, and one that is to be your Brother, and design'd
to be the Glory of marrying Celinda.
Bel. I can endure no more How, Sir You marry
fair Celinda!
Sir Tim. Ay, Frank, ay is she not a pretty little plump
white Rogue, hah ?
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 21
Bel. Yes.
Sir Tim. Oh, I had forgot thou art a modest Rogue,
and to thy eternal Shame, hadst never the Reputation of
a Mistress Lord, Lord, that I could see thee address thy
self to a Lady I fancy thee a very ridiculous Figure in
that Posture, by Fortune.
Bel. Why, Sir, I can court a Lady
Sir Tim. No, no, thou'rt modest ; that is to say, a Coun
try Gentleman ; that is to say, ill-bred ; that is to say, a
Fool, by Fortune, as the World goes.
Bel. Neither, Sir I can love and tell it too and that
you may believe me look on this Lady, Sir.
Sir Tim. Look on this Lady, Sir Ha, ha, ha, Well,
Sir Well, Sir And what then ?
Bel. Nay, view her well, Sir
Sir. Tim. Pleasant this Well, Frank, I do And what
then ?
Bel. Is she not charming fair fair to a wonder !
Sir Tim. Well, Sir, 'tis granted
Bel. And canst thou think this Beauty meant for thee,
for thee, dull common Man ?
Sir Tim. Very well, what will he say next?
Bel. I say, let me no more see thee approach this Lady.
Sir Tim. How, Sir, how?
Bel. Not speak to her, not look on her by Heaven
not think of her.
Sir Tim. How, Frank^ art in earnest ?
Bel. Try, if thou dar'st.
Sir Tim. Not think of her !
Bel. No, not so much as in a Dream, could I divine it.
Sir Tim. Is he in earnest, Mr. Friendlove ?
Friend. I doubt so, Sir Timothy.
Sir Tim. What, does he then pretend to your Sister?
Bel. Yes, and no Man else shall dare do so.
Sir Tim. Take notice I am affronted in your Lodgings
for you, Bellmour You take me for an Ass therefore
22 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT n
meet me to morrow Morning about five, with your Sword
in your Hand, behind Southampton House.
Bel. 'Tis well there we will dispute our Title to
Celinda. [Exit Sir Tim.
Dull Animal! The Gods cou'd ne'er decree
So bright a Maid should be possest by thee. [Exeunt.
ACT II.
SCENE I. A Palace.
Enter Nurse with a Light.
Nur. Well, 'tis an endless trouble to have the Tuition
of a Maid in love, here is such Wishing and Longing.
And yet one must force them to what they most desire,
before they will admit of it Here am I sent out a Scout
of the Forlorn Hope, to discover the Approach of the
Enemy Well Mr. Bellmour, you are not to know, 'tis
with the Consent of Celinda, that you come I must bear
all the blame, what Mischief soever comes of these Night-
Works.
Enter Bellmour.
Oh, are you come Your Hour was Twelve, and now 'tis
almost Two.
Bel. I could not get from Friendlove Thou hast not
told Celinda of my coming?
Nur. No, no, e'en make Peace for me, and your self too.
Bel. I warrant thee, Nurse Oh, how I hope and fear
this Night's Success ! [Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Chamber.
Celinda in her Night-Attire, leaning on a Table.
Enter to her Bellmour and Nurse.
Gel. Oh Heavens ! Mr. Bellmour at this late Hour in
my Chamber !
Eel. Yes, Madam ; but will approach no nearer till you
permit me ;
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 23
And sure you know my Soul too well to fear.
CeL I do, Sir, and you may approach yet nearer,
And let me know your Business.
Be/. Love is my bus'ness, that of all the World ;
Only my Flame as much surmounts the rest,
As is the Object's Beauty I adore.
Gel. If this be all, to tell me of your Love,
To morrow might have done as well.
Bel. Oh, no, to morrow would have been too late,
Too late to make returns to all my Pain.
What disagreeing thing offends your Eyes?
I've no Deformity about my Person ;
I'm young, and have a Fortune great as any
That do pretend to serve you ;
And yet I find my Interest in your Heart,
Below those happy ones that are my Rivals.
Nay, every Fool that can but plead his Title,
And the poor Interest that a Parent gives him,
Can merit more than I.
What else, my lovely Maid, can give a freedom
To that same talking, idle, knighted Fop ?
CeL Oh, if I am so wretched to be his,
Surely I cannot live ;
For, Sir, I must confess I cannot love him.
Bel. But thou may'st do as bad, and marry him,
And that's a Sin I cannot over-live ;
No, hear my Vows
CeL But are you, Sir, in earnest?
Bel. In earnest? Yes, by all that's good, I am;
I love you more than I do Life, or Heaven !
CeL Oh, what a pleasure 'tis to hear him say so ! \_Aslde.
But pray, how long, Sir, have you lov'd me so?
Bel. From the first moment that I saw your Eyes,
Your charming killing Eyes, I did adore 'em ;
And ever since have languisht Day and Night.
Nur. Come, come, ne'er stand asking of Questions,
24 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT n
But follow your Inclinations, and take him at his Word.
Bel. Gelinda, take her Counsel,
Perhaps this is the last opportunity ;
Nay, and, by Heaven, the last of all my Life,
If you refuse me now
Say, will you never marry Man but me ?
Gel. Pray give me till to morrow, Sir, to answer you ;
For I have yet some Fears about my Soul,
That take away my Rest.
Bel. To morrow ! You must then marry Oh fatal
Word!
Another! a Beast, a Fool, that knows not how to value you.
Cel. Is't possible my Fate shou'd be so near ?
Nur. Nay, then dispose of your self, I say, and leave
dissembling ; 'tis high time.
Bel. This Night the Letter came, the dreadful News
Of thy being married, and to morrow too.
Oh, answer me, or I shall die with Fear.
Cel. I must confess it, Sir, without a blush,
(For 'tis no Sin to love) that I cou'd wish
Heaven and my Father were inclin'd my way :
But I am all Obedience to fheir Wills.
Bel. That Sigh was kind,
But e'er to morrow this time,
You'll want this pitying Sense, and feel no Pantings,
But those which Joys and Pleasures do create.
Cel. Alas, Sir ! what is't you'd have me do ?
Bel. Why I wou'd have you love, and after that
You need not be instructed what to do.
Give me your Faith, give me your solemn Vow
To be my Wife, and I shall be at Peace.
Cel. Have you consider'd, Sir, your own Condition ?
'Tis in your Uncle's Power to take your Fortune,
If in your Choice you disobey his Will.
And, Sir, you know that mine is much below you.
Bel. Oh, I shall calm his Rage,
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 25
By urging so much Reason as thy Beauty,
And my own Flame, on which my Life depends.
He now has kindly sent for me to London^
I fear his Bus'ness
Yet if you'll yield to marry me,
We'll keep it secret, till our kinder Stars
Have made provision for the blest Discovery.
Come, give me your Vows, or we must part for ever.
Gel Part ! Oh, 'tis a fatal Word !
I will do any thing to save that Life,
To which my own so nearly is ally'd.
Enter Friendlove.
Friend. So, forward Sister !
Bel. Ha, Friendlove!
Friend. Was it so kindly done, to gain my Sister
Without my knowledge ?
Bel. Ah, Friend ! 'Twas from her self alone
That I wou'd take the Blessing which I ask.
Friend. And I'll assist her, Sir, to give it you.
Here, take him as an Honour, and be thankful.
Bel. I as a Blessing sent from Heaven receive her,
And e'er I sleep will justify my Claim,
And make her mine.
Friend. Be not so hasty, Friend :
Endeavour first to reconcile your Uncle to't.
Bel. By such Delays we're lost : Hast thou forgot ?
To morrow she's design'd another's Bride !
Friend. For that let me alone t' evade.
Bel. If you must yet delay me,
Give me leave not to interest such Wealth without Security.
And I, Cellnda^ will instruct you how to satisfy my Fears.
[Knee/5, and takes her by the Hand.
Bear witness to my Vows
May every Plague that Heaven inflicts on Sin,
Fall down in Thunder on my Head,
26 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT 11
If e'er I marry any but Celinda y
Or if I do not marry thee, fair Maid.
Nur. Heartily sworn, as I vow.
Cel. And here I wish as solemnly the same :
May all arrive to me,
If e'er I marry any Man but Bellmour!
Nur. We are Witnesses, as good as a thousand.
Friend. But now, my Friend, I'd have you take your
leave ; the day comes on apace, and you've not seen your
Uncle since your Arrival.
Bel. 'Tis Death to part with thee, my fair Celinda ;
But our hard Fates impose this Separation :
Farewel Remember thou'rt all mine.
Cel. What have I else of Joy to think upon ?
Go go depart.
Bel. I will but 'tis as Misers part with Gold,
Or People full of Health depart from Life.
Friend. Go, Sister, to your Bed, and dream of him.
[Ex. Cel. and Nurse.
Bel. Whilst I prepare to meet this Fop to fight him.
Friend. Hang him, he'll ne'er meet thee; to beat a
Watch, or kick a Drawer, or batter Windows, is the
highest pitch of Valour he e'er arriv'd to.
Bel. However, I'll expect him, lest he be fool-hardy
enough to keep his Word.
Friend. Shall I wait on thee ?
Bel. No, no, there's no need of that Good-morrow,
my best Friend.
Friend. But e'er you go, my dearest Friend and Brother,
Now you are sure of all the Joys you wish
From Heaven, do not forgetful grow of that great Trust
I gave you of all mine ; but, like a Friend,
Assist me in my great Concern of Love
With fair Diana, your lovely Cousin.
You know how long I have ador'd that Maid ;
But still her haughty Pride repell'd my Flame,
And all its fierce Efforts.
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 27
Bel. She has a Spirit equal to her Beauty,
As mighty and tyrannick; yet she has Goodness,
And I believe enough inclin'd to Love,
When once her Pride's o'ercome. I have the Honour
To be the Confident of all her Thoughts :
And to augment thy Hopes, 'tis not long since
She did with Sighs confess to me, she lov'd
A Man, she said, scarce equal to her Fortune :
But all my Interest could not learn the Object ;
But it must needs be you, by what she said.
This I'll improve, and so to your Advantage
Friend. I neither doubt thy Industry, nor Love ;
Go, and be careful of my Interest there,
Whilst I preserve thine as intirely here. \_Ex. severally.
SCENE III. Sir Timothy's House.
Enter Sir Timothy, Sham, Sharp, and Boy.
Sharp. Good morrow, Sir Timothy; what, not yet ready,
and to meet Mr. Bellmour at Five ? the time's past.
Sir Tim. Ay, Pox on't I han't slept to Night for
thinking on't.
Sham. Well, Sir Timothy^ I have most excellent News
for you, that will do as well ; I have found out
Sir Tim. A new Wench, I warrant But prithee, Sham^
I have other matters in hand ; 'Sheart, I am so mortify'd
with this same thought of Fighting, that I shall hardly
think of Womankind again.
Sharp. And you were so forward, Sir Timothy
Sir Tim. Ay, Sharpy I am always so when I am angry ;
had I been but a little more provok'd then, that we might
have gone to't when the heat was brisk, I had done well
but a Pox on't, this fighting in cool Blood I hate.
Sham. 'Shaw, Sir, 'tis nothing, a Man wou'd do't for
Exercise in a Morning.
Sir Tim. Ay, if there Were no more in't than Exercise ;
28 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT u
if a Man cou'd take a Breathing without breathing a Vein
but, Sham, this Wounds, and Blood, sounds terribly in
my Ears ; but since thou say'st 'tis nothing, prithee do
thou meet Bellmour in my stead ; thou art a poor Dog, and
'tis no matter if the World were well rid of thee.
Sham. I wou'd do't with all my Soul but your Honour,
Sir-
Sir Tim. My Honour ! 'tis but Custom that makes
it honourable to fight Duels I warrant you the wise
Italian thinks himself a Man of Honour; and yet when
did you hear of an Italian, that ever fought a Duel? Is't
not enough, that I am affronted, have my Mistress taken
away before my Face, hear my self call'd, dull, common
Man, dull Animal, and the rest ? But I must after all give
him leave to kill me too, if he can And this is your damn'd
Honourable English way of shewing a Man's Courage.
Sham. I must confess I am of your mind, and therefore
have been studying a Revenge, sutable to the Affront : and
if I can judge any thing, I have hit it.
Sir Tim. Hast thou? dear Sham, out with it.
Sham. Why, Sir what think you of debauching his
Sister ?
Sir Tim. Why, is there such a thing in Nature ?
Sham. You know he has a Sister, Sir.
Sir Tim. Yes, rich, and fair.
Sham. Both, or she were not worthy of your Revenge.
Sir Tim. Oh, how I love Revenge, that has a double
Pleasure in it and where and where is this fine piece
of Temptation ?
Sham. In being, Sir but Sharp here, and I, have been
at some cost in finding her out.
Sir Tim. Ye shall be overpaid there's Gold, my little
Maquere but she's very handsom ?
Sharp. As a Goddess, Sir.
Sir Tim. And art thou sure she will be leud ?
Sharp. Are we sure she's a Woman, Sir ? Sure, she's
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 29
in her Teens, has Pride and Vanity and two or three
Sins more that I cou'd name, all which never fail to assist
a Woman in Debauchery But, Sir, there are certain
People that belong to her, that must be consider'd too.
Sir Tim. Stay, Sir, e'er I part with more Money, I'll be
certain what returns 'twill make me that is, I'll see the
Wench, not to inform my self, how well I like her, for
that I shall do, because she is new, and Bellmour's Sister
but to find what possibility there is in gaining her.
I am us'd to these things, and can guess from a Look, or
a Kiss, or a Touch of the Hand but then I warrant,
'twill come to the knowledge of Betty Flauntit.
Sham. What, Sir, then it seems you doubt us ?
Sir Tim. How do you mean, your Honesty or Judg
ment ? I can assure you, I doubt both.
Sharp. How, Sir, doubt our Honesty !
Sir Tim. Yes why, I hope neither of you pretend to
either, do you ?
Sham. Why, Sir, what, do you take us for Cheats?
Sir Tim. As errant, as any's in Christendom.
Sharp. How, Sir?
Sir Tim. Why, how now what, fly in my Face ? Are
your Stomachs so queasy, that Cheat won't down with you?
Sham. Why, Sir, we are Gentlemen ; and though our
ill Fortunes have thrown us on your Bounty, we are not
to be term'd
Sir Tim. Why, you pair of Hectors whence this
Impudence ? Do ye know me, ye Raggamuffins ?
Sham. Yes, but we knew not that you were a Coward
before. You talkt big, and huft where-e'er you came, like
an errant Bully ; and so long we reverenc'd you but now
we find you have need of our Courage, we'll stand on our
our Reputations.
Sir Tim. Courage and Reputation ! ha, ha, ha why,
you lousy Tatterdemallions dare ye talk of Courage and
Reputation ?
30 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT n
Sharp. Why, Sir, who dares question either?
Sir Tim. He that dares try it. [Kicks 'em.
Sharp. Hold, Sir, hold.
Sham. Enough, enough, we are satisfy'd.
Sir Tim. So am not I, ye mangy Mungrels, till I have
kickt Courage and Reputation out of ye.
Sham. Hold there, Sir, 'tis enough, we are satisfy'd, that
you have Courage.
Sir Tim. Oh, are you so ? then it seems I was not to be
believ'd I told you I had Courage when I was angry.
Sham. Ay, Sir, we have prov'd it, and will now swear it.
But we had an Inclination to try, Sir.
Sir Tim. And all you did, was but to try my Courage, hah !
Sharp. On our Honours, nothing else, Sir Timothy.
Sir Tim. Though I know ye to be cursed cowardly lying
Rogues, yet because I have use of ye, I must forgive ye.
Here, kiss my Hand, and be forgiven.
Sham. 'Tis an Honour we are proud of, Sir.
Sir Tim. Oh, is it so, Rascallians? then I hope I am to
see the Lady without Indentures.
Sharp. Oh Lord, Sir, any thing we can serve you in.
Sham. And I have brib'd her Maid to bring her this
Morning into the Mall.
Sir Tim. Well, let's about it then ; for I am for no
righting to day D'ye hear, Boy Let the Coach be got
ready whilst I get my self drest.
Boy. The Coach, Sir ! Why, you know Mr. Shatter has
pawn'd the Horses.
Sir Tim. I had forgot it A pox on't, this 'tis to have
a Partner in a Coach ; by Fortune, I must marry and set
up a whole one. [Exeunt.
SCENE IV. Lord Plotwell's House.
Enter Charles Bellmour, and Trusty.
Trusty. Mr. Charles, your Brother, my young Master
Bellmour, is come.
sc. iv] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 31
Char. I'm glad on't ; my Uncle began to be impatient
that he came not, you saying you left him but a day's
Journey behind you yesterday. My Uncle has something
of importance to say to him, I fancy it may be about a
Marriage between him and my Lady Diana such a
Whisper I heard
Trusty. Ay, marry, Sir, that were a Match indeed, she
being your Uncle's only Heir.
Char. Ay, but they are Sisters Children, and too near
a-kin to be happy.
Trusty. 'Twere pity my young Master shou'd be un
happy in a Wife ; for he is the sweetest-natur'd Gentleman
But one Comfort is, Mr. Charles, you, and your Sister
Mrs. Phillis,Vf\\\ have your Portionsassign'd you if he marry.
Char. Yes, that he can't deny us the very Day after
his Marriage.
Trusty. I shall be glad to see you all dispos'd of well ;
but I was half afraid, your Brother would have married
Mrs. Celinda Friendlove, to whom he made notable Love
in Torkshire I thought : not but she's a fine Lady ; but
her Fortune is below that of my young Master's, as much
as my Lady Diana's is above his But see, they come ; let
us retire, to give 'em leave to talk alone. \_Exeunt.
Enter Lord Plotwell, and Bellmour.
Lord. And well, Frank, how dost thou find thy self
inclin'd ? thou should'st begin to think of something more
than Books. Do'st thou not wish to know the Joys that are
to be found in a Woman, Frank? I well remember at
thy Age I fancy'd a thousand fine things of that kind.
Bel. Ay, my Lord, a thousand more perhaps than are
to be found.
Lord. Not so ; but I confess, Frank, unless the Lady be
fair, and there be some Love too, 'tis not altogether so well;
therefore I, who am still busy for thy good, have fix'd
upon a Lady
32 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT n
Bel. Ha!
Lord. What, dost start? Nay, I'll warrant thee she'll
please ; A Lady rich, and fair, and nobly born, and thou
shalt marry her, Frank.
Bel. Marry her, my Lord
Lord. Why, yes, marry her I hope you are none of
the fashionable Fops, that are always in Mutiny against
Marriage, who never think themselves very witty, but
when they rail against Heaven and a Wife But, Frank,
I have found better Principles in thee, and thou hast the
Reputation of a sober young Gentleman ; thou art, besides,
a Man of great Fortune, Frank.
Bel. And therefore, Sir, ought the less to be a Slave.
Lord. But, Frank) we are made for one another ; and
ought, by the Laws of God, to communicate our Blessings.
Bel. Sir, there are Men enough, fitter much than I, to
obey those Laws ; nor do I think them made for every one.
Lord. But, Frank, you do not know what a Wife I
have provided for you.
Bel. 'Tis enough I know she's a Woman, Sir.
Lord. A Woman ! why, what should she be else ?
Bel. An Angel, Sir, e'er she can be my Wife.
Lord. In good time : but this is a Mortal, Sir and must
serve your turn but, Frank, she is the finest Mortal
Bel. I humbly beg your Pardon, if I tell you,
That had she Beauty such as Heav'n ne'er made,
Nor meant again t'inrich a Woman with,
It cou'd not take my Heart.
Lord. But, Sir, perhaps you do not guess the Lady.
Bel. Or cou'd I, Sir, it cou'd not change my Nature.
Lord. But, Sir, suppose it be my Niece Diana.
Bel. How, Sir, the fair Diana!
Lord. I thought thou'dst come about again ;
What think you now of Woman-kind, and Wedlock?
Bel. As I did before, my Lord.
Lord. What, thou canst not think I am in earnest ; I
sc. iv] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 33
confess, Frank, she is above thee in point of Fortune, she
being my only Heir but suppose 'tis she.
Bel. Oh, I'm undone ! Sir, I dare not suppose so
greatly in favour of my self.
Lord. But, Frank, you must needs suppose
Bel. Oh, I am ruin'd, lost, for ever lost.
Lord. What do you mean, Sir ?
Bel. I mean, I cannot marry fair Diana.
Lord. Death ! how's this ?
Bel. She is a thing above my humble wishes
Lord. Is that all ? Take you no care for that ; for she
loves you already, and I have resolv'd it, which is better yet.
Bel. Love me, Sir ! I know she cannot,
And Heav'n forbid that I should injure her.
Lord. Sir, this is a Put-off: resolve quickly, or I'll
compel you.
Bel. You wou'd not use Extremity ;
What is the Forfeit cf my Disobedience ?
Lord. The loss of all your Fortune,
If you refuse the Wife I have provided
Especially a handsom Lady, as she is, Frank.
Bel. Oh me, unhappy !
What cursed Laws provided this Severity ?
Lord. Even those of your Father's Disposal, who seeing
so many Examples in this leud Age, of the ruin of whole
Families by imprudent Marriages, provided otherwise for
you.
Bel. But, Sir, admit Diana be inclin'd,
And I (by my unhappy Stars so curs'd)
Should be unable to accept the Honour.
Lord. How, Sir ! admit ! I can no more admit,
Than you can suppose therefore give me your final
Answer.
Bel. Sir, can you think a Blessing e'er can fall
Upon that Pair, whom Interest joins, not Love ?
Lord. Why, what's in Diana, that you shou'd not love her?
Ill D
34 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT n
Bel. I must confess she has a thousand Virtues,
The least of which wou'd bless another Man ;
But, Sir, I hope, if I am so unhappy
As not to love that Lady, you will pardon me.
Lord. Indeed, Sir, but I will not ; love me this Lady,
and marry me this Lady, or I will teach you what it is to
refuse such a Lady.
Bel. Sir, 'tis not in my power to obey you.
Lord. How ! not in your pow'r ?
Bel. No, Sir, I see my fatal Ruin in your Eyes,
And know too well your Force, and my own Misery.
But, Sir when I shall tell you who I've married
Lord. Who you've married; By all that's sacred, if
that be true, thou art undone for ever.
Bel. O hear me, Sir !
I came with Hopes to have found you merciful.
Lord. Expect none from me ; no, thou shalt not have
So much of thy Estate, as will afford thee Bread :
By Heav'n, thou shalt not.
Bel. Oh, pity me, my Lord, pity my Youth ;
It is no Beggar, nor one basely born,
That I have given my Heart to, but a Maid,
Whose Birth, whose Beauty, and whose Education
Merits the best of Men.
Lord. Very fine ! where is the Priest that durst dispose
of you without my Order ? Sirrah, you are my Slave at
least your whole Estate is at my mercy and besides, I'll
charge you with an Action of 5000 /. for your ten Years
Maintenance : Do you know that this in my power too ?
Bel. Yes, Sir, and dread your Anger worse than Death.
Lord. Oh Villain ! thus to dash my Expectation !
Bel. Sir, on my bended Knees, thus low I fall
To beg your mercy.
Lord. Yes, Sir, I will have mercy ;
I'll give you Lodging but in a Dungeon, Sir,
Where you shall ask your Food of Passers by.
sc. iv] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 35
Bel. All this, I know, you have the Pow'r to do ;
But, Sir, were I thus cruel, this hard Usage
Would give me Cause to execute it.
I wear a Sword, and I dare right my self;
And Heaven wou'd pardon it, if I should kill you :
But Heav'n forbid I shou'd correct that Law,
Which gives you Power, and orders me Obedience.
Lord. Very well, Sir, I shall tame that Courage, and
punish that Harlot, whoe'er she be, that has seduc'd ye.
Bel. How, Harlot, Sir ! Death, such another Word,
And through all Laws and Reason I will rush,
And reach thy Soul, if mortal like thy Body.
No, Sir, she's chaste, as are the new-made Vows
I breath'd upon her Lips, when last we parted.
Lord. Who waits there ?
Enter Trusty and Servants.
Shall I be murder'd in my own House?
'Tis time you were remov'd
Go, get an Action of 5000 /. enter'd against him,
With Officers to arrest him.
Trusty. My Lord, 'tis my young Master Bellmour.
Lord. Ye all doat upon him, but he's not the Man you
take him for.
Trusty. How, my Lord! not this Mr. Bellmour!
Lord. Dogs, obey me. [Offers to go.
Bel. Stay, Sir oh, stay what will become of me ?
'Twere better that my Life were lost, than Fortune
For that being gone, Cellnda must not love me.
But to die wretchedly
Poorly in Prison whilst I can manage this
Is below him, that does adore Celinda. [Draws.
I'll kill my self but then I kill Celinda.
Shou'd I obey this Tyrant then too she dies.
Yes, Sir You may be cruel take the Law,
And kill me quickly, 'twill become your Justice. [Weeps.
36 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT n
Lord. Was I call'd back for this ? Yes, I shall take it,
Sir; do not fear. [Offers to go.
Bel. Yet, stay, Sir Have you lost all Humanity ?
Have you no Sense of Honour, nor of Horrors ?
Lord. Away with him go, be gone.
Bel. Stay, Sir. Oh, God ! what is't you'd have me do ?
Here I resign my self unto your Will
But, Oh Cefinda! what will become of thee? \_Weeps.
Yes, I will marry and Diana too.
Lord. 'Tis well you will ; had I not been good-natur'd
now,
You had been undone, and miss'd Diana too.
Eel. But must I marry needs marry, Sir ?
Or lose my Fortune, and my Liberty,
Whilst all my Vows are given to another ?
Lord. By all means, Sir
Bel. If I must marry any but Celinda,
I shall not, Sir, enjoy one moment's Bliss :
I shall be quite unman'd, cruel and brutal ;
A Beast, unsafe for Woman to converse with.
Besides, Sir, I have given my Heart and Faith,
And my second Marriage is Adultery.
Lord. Heart and Faith, I am glad 'tis no worse ; if the
Ceremony of the Church has not past, 'tis well enough.
Bel. All, Sir, that Heaven and Love requires, is past.
Lord. Thou art a Fool, Frank, come dry thy Eyes.
And receive Diana Trusty, call in my Niece.
Bel. Yet, Sir, relent, be kind, and save my Soul.
[Ex. Trusty.
Lord. No more by Heaven, if you resist my Will,
I'll make a strange Example of thee, and of that Woman,
whoe'er she be, that drew you to this Folly. Faith and
Vows, quoth ye !
Bel. Then I obey.
Enter Trusty and Diana.
Lord. Look ye here, Frank; Is this a Lady to be dislik'd ?
sc. v] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 37
Come hither, Frank Trusty, haste for Dr. Tickletext, my
Chaplain's not in Town ; I'll have them instantly married
Come hither, Diana will you marry your Cousin,
Frank Bellmour?
Dia. Yes, if it be your pleasure ; Heaven cou'd not let
fall a greater Blessing. \_Aside.
Lord. And you, Frank, will you marry my Niece Diana?
Eel. Since you will have it so.
Lord. Come, follow me then, and you shall be both
pleas'd.
Bel. Oh my Celinda !
To preserve thee, what is't I woifd not do?
Forfeit my Heaven, nay more, I forfeit you. [Exit.
SCENE V. The Street.
Enter Sir Timothy Tawdrey, Sham and Sharp.
Sir Tim. Now, Sham, art not thou a damn'd lying
Rogue, to make me saunter up and down the Mall all
this Morning, after a Woman that thou know'st in thy
Conscience was not likely to be there ?
Sham. Why, Sir if her Maid will be a jilting Whore,
how can I help it? Sharp, thou know'st we presented
her handsomly, and she protested she'd do't.
Sharp. Ay, ay, Sir : But the Devil a Maid we saw.
[Aside.
Sham. Sir, it may be Things have so fallen out, that
she could not possibly come.
Sir Tim. Things ! a Pox of your Tricks Well, I see
there's no trusting a poor Devil Well, what Device will
your Rogueship find out to cheat me next?
Sham. Prithee help me out at a dead lift, Sharp.
[Aside.
Sharp. Cheat you, Sir ! if I ben't reveng'd on this She-
Counsellor of the Patching and Painting, this Letter-in
38 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT n
of Midnight Lovers, this Receiver of Bribes for stol'n
Pleasures; may I be condemn'd never to make love to
any thing of higher Quality.
Sir Tim. Nay, nay, no threatning, Sharp; it may be
she's innocent yet Give her t'other Bribe, and try what
that will do. [Gives him Money.
Sham. No, Sir, I'll have no more to do with frail Woman,
in this Case ; I have a surer way to do your Business.
Enter Page with a Letter.
Sir Tim. Is not that Bellmour's Page ?
Sharp. It is, Sir.
Sir Tim. By Fortune, the Rogue's looking for me ; he
has a Challenge in his hand too.
Sham. No matter, Sir, huff it out.
Sir Tim. Prithee do thee huff him, thou know'st the
way on't.
Sham. What's your Bus'ness with Sir Timothy^ Sir ?
Page. Mine, Sir, I don't know the Gentleman ; pray
which is he?
Sir Tim. I, I, 'tis so Pox on him.
Sharp. Well, Boy, I am he What Your Master.
Page. My Master, Sir
Sharp. Are not you Bellmour's Page?
Page. Yes, Sir.
Sharp. Well, your News.
Page. News, Sir ? I know of none, but of my Master's
being this Morning
Sir Tim. Ay, there it is behind Southampton House.
Page. Married this Morning.
Sir Tim. How ! Married ! 'Slife, has he serv'd me so ?
Sham. The Boy is drunk Bellmour married !
Page. Yes, indeed, to the Lady Diana.
Sir Tim. Diana ! Mad, by Fortune ; what Diana ?
Page. Niece to the Lord Plotwell.
Sir Tim. Come hither, Boy Art thou sure of this?
sc. v] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 39
Page. Sir, I am sure of it ; and I am going to bespeak
Musick for the Ball anon.
Sir Tim. What hast thou there a Letter to the Divine
Celinda ?
A dainty Boy there's Money for to buy thee Nickers.
Page. I humbly thank yon. \_Exit.
Sharp. Well, Sir, if this be true, Celinda will be glad
of you again.
Sir. Tim. Ay, but I will have none of her For, look
you, Sham^ there is but two sorts of Love in this World
Now I am sure the Rogue did love her ; and since it was
not to marry her, it was for the thing you wot on, as
appears by his writing to her now But yet, I will not
believe what this Boy said, till I see it.
Sham. Faith, Sir, I have thought of a thing, that may
both clear your doubt, and give us a little Mirth.
Sir Tim. I conceive thee. ,
Sham. I know y'are quick of Apprehension, Sir Timothy.
Sir Tim. O, your Servant, dear Sham But to let thee
see, I am none of the dullest, we are to Jig it in Masquer
ade this Evening, hah.
Sham. Faith, Sir, you have it, and there you may have
an Opportunity to court Bellmoitr's Sister.
Sir Tim. 'Tisagood Motion, and we will follow it; send
to the Duke's House, and borrow some Habits presently.
Sham. I'll about it, Sir.
Sir Tim. Make haste to my Lodging But hark ye
not a word of this to Betty Flauntit, she'll be up in Arms
these two Days, if she go not with us ; and though I think
the fond Devil is true to me, yet it were worse than Wed
lock, if I should be so to her too.
Tho Chores in all things else the Mastery get^
In this alone, like Wives, they must submit.
[Exeunt.
4O THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT in
ACT III.
SCENE I. A Room in Lord Plotwell's House.
Enter Lord Plotwell, Bellmour leading in Diana., followed by
Charles Bellmour, Phillis, and other Ladies and Gentlemen.
\_Musick plays^ till they are all seated.
Lord. Here, Nephew, I resign that Trust, which was
repos'd in me by your dead Father ; which was, that on
your Wedding-Day I should thus make you Master of
your whole Fortune, you being married to my liking
And now, Charles, and you, my Niece Phillis, you may
demand your Portions to morrow, if you please, for he is
oblig'd to pay you the Day after that of his Marriage.
Phil. There's time enough, my Lord.
Lord. Come, come, Ladies, in troth you must take but
little Rest to Night, in complaisance to the Bride and
Bridegroom, who, I believe, will take but little Frank
why, Frank what, hast thou chang'd thy Humour
with thy Condition ? Thou wert not wont to hear the
Musick play in vain.
Bel. My Lord, I cannot dance.
Dia. Indeed, you're wondrous sad,
And I, methinks, do bear thee Company,
I know not why; and yet excess of Joy
Have had the same Effects with equal Grief.
Bel. 'Tis true, and I have now felt the Extremes of both.
Lord. Why, Nephew Charles has your Breeding at
the Academy instructed your Heels in no Motion ?
Char. My Lord, I'll make one.
Phil. And I another, for Joy that my Brother's made
happy in so fair a Bride.
Bel. Hell take your Ignorance, for thinking I am happy,
Wou'd Heaven wou'd strike me dead,
That by the loss of a poor wretched Life
I might preserve my Soul But Oh, my Error !
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 41
That has already damn'd it self, when it consented
To break a Sacred Vow, and Marry here.
Lord. Come, come, begin, begin, Musick to your Office.
[Soft Musick.
Bel. Why does not this hard Heart, thisstubborn Fugitive,
Break with this Load of Griefs? but like ill Spirits
It promis'd fair, till it had drawn me in,
And then betray'd me to Damnation.
Dia. There's something of disorder in his Soul,
Which I'm on fire to know the meaning of.
Enter Sir Timothy, Sham, and Sharp, in Masquerade.
Sir Tim. The Rogue is married, and I am so pleas'd, I
can forgive him our last Night's Quarrel. Prithee, Sharp^
if thou canst learn that young Thing's Name, 'tis a pretty
airy Rogue, whilst I go talk to her.
Sharp. I will, Sir, I will. [One goes to take out a Lady.
Char. Nay, Madam, you must dance. [Dance.
Bel. I hope you will not call it Rudeness, Madam, if
I refuse you here.
[The Lady that danced goes to take out the Bridegroom.
After the Dance she takes out Sir Timothy, they walk
to a Courant.
Am I still tame and patient with my Ills?
Gods ! what is Man, that he can live and bear,
Yet know his Power to rid himself of Grief?
I will not live ; or if my Destiny
Compel me to't, it shall be worse than dying.
Enter Page with a T able-Book.
Bel. What's this ?
Page. The Answer of a Letter, Sir, you sent the divine
Celinda ; for so it was directed.
Bel. Hah Celinda in my Croud of Thoughts
I had forgot I sent come nearer, Boy
What did she say to thee ? Did she not smile?
And use thee with Contempt and Scorn ? tell me.
42 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT in
Page. How scorn, Sir !
Bel. Or she was angry call'd me perjur'd Villain,
False, and forsworn nay, tell me truth.
Page. How, Sir?
Bel. Thou dost delay me say she did, and please me.
Page. Sir !
Bel. Again tell me, what answer, Rascal, did she
send me ?
Page. You have it, Sir, there in the Table-Book.
Bel. Oh, I am mad, and know not what I do.
Prithee forgive me, Boy take breath, my Soul,
Before thou do'st begin ; for this perhaps, may be
So cruel kind,
To leave thee none when thou hast ended it.
[Opens it) and reads.
LETTER.
/ have took in the Poison which you sent, in those few fata i
Words, " Forgive me ', my Celinda, I am married" 'Twas
thus you said And I have only Life left to return, "Forgive
me, my sweet Bellmour, / am dead"
CELINDA.
Can I hear this, and live? I am a Villian !
In my Creation destin'd for all Mischief,
To commit Rapes, and Murders, to break Vows,
As fast as Fools do Jests.
Come hither, Boy
And said the Lady nothing to thee ?
Page. Yes, e'er she read the Letter, ask'd your Health,
And Joy dispers'd it self in Blushes through her Cheeks.
Bel. Her Beauty makes the very Boy adore it.
Page. And having read it,
She drew her Tablets from her Pocket,
And trembling, writ what I have brought you, Sir.
Bel. Though I before had loaded up my Soul
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 43
With Sins, that wou'd have weigh'd down any other,
Yet this one more it bears, this Sin of Murder ;
And holds out still What have I more to do,
But being plung'd in Blood, to wade it through ?
Enter Friendlove in Masquerade. A Jigg.
Friend. There stands the Traitor, with a guilty Look,
That Traitor, who the easier to deceive me,
Betray'd my Sister ; yet till I came and saw
The Perjury, I could not give a Faith to't.
By Heaven, Diana loves him, nay, dotes on him,
I find it in her Eyes ; all languishing,
They feed the Fire in his: arm'd with a double Rage,
I know I shall go through with my Revenge.
Sir Tim. Fair Maid
Phil. How do you know that, Sir?
Sir Tim. I see y'are fair, and I guess you're a Maid.
Phil. Your Guess is better than your Eye-sight, Sir.
Sir Tim. Whate'er you are, by Fortune, I wish you
would permit me to love you with all your Faults.
Phil. You ? Pray who are you ?
Sir Tim. A Man, a Gentleman and more, a Knight
too, by Fortune.
Phil. Then 'twas not by Merit, Sir But how shall
I know you are either of these ?
Sir Tim. That I'm a Man, the Effects of my vigorous
Flame shall prove a Gentleman, my Coat of Arms shall
testify ; and I have the King's Patent for my Title.
Phil. For the first you may thank your Youth, for the
next your Father, and the last your Money.
Sir Tim. By Fortune, I love thee for thy Pertness.
Phil. Is it possible you can love at all ?
Sir Tim. As much as I dare.
Phil. How do you mean ?
Sir Tim. Not to be laught at ; 'tis not the Mode to love
much ; A Platonick Fop I have heard of, but this is an
44 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT in
Age of sheer Enjoyment, and little Love goes to that ; we
have found it incommode, and loss of time, to make long
Addresses.
Enter Celinda like a Boy.
Phil. I find, Sir, you and I shall never agree upon this
matter ;
But see, Sir, here's more Company.
Gel. Oh Heaven ! 'tis true, these Eyes confirm my Fate.
Yonder he is and that fair splendid Thing,
That gazes on him with such kind Desire,
Is my blest Rival Oh, he is married!
Gods ! And yet you let him live ;
Live too with all his Charms, as fine and gay,
As if you meant he shou'd undo all easy Maids,
And kill 'em for their Sin of loving him.
Wretched Celinda I
But I must turn my Eyes from looking on
The fatal Triumphs of my Death Which of all these
Is my Brother ? Oh, that is he ; I know him
By the Habit he sent for to the Play-House.
[Points to Sir Tim.
And hither he's come in Masquerade,
I know with some Design against my Bellmour,
Whom though he kill me, I must still preserve :
Whilst I, lost in despair, thus as a Boy
Will seek a Death from any welcome Hand,
Since I want Courage to perform the Sacrifice.
Enter one and dances an Entry, and a Jig at the end ont.
Lord. Enough, enough at this time, let's see the Bride
to bed, the Bridegroom thinks it long.
Friend. Hell! Can I endure to hear all this with Patience?
Shall he depart with Life to enjoy my Right,
And to deprive my Sister of her due ?
Stay, stay, and resign
That Virgin.
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 45
Bel. Who art thou that dar'st lay a Claim to ought
that's here ?
Friend. This Sword shall answer ye. [Draws.
Bel. Though I could spare my Life, I'll not berobb'd of it.
[Draws.
Dla. Oh, my dear Bellmour!
[A II draw on Bellmour's side Diana holds Bellmour,
Celinda runs between their Swords, and defends
Bellmour ; Sir Tim. Sham, and Sharp draw, and
run into several Corners, with signs of Fear.
Friend. Who art thou, that thus fondly guard'st his
Heart? [To Celinda.
Be gone, and let me meet it.
Cel. That thou mayst do through mine, but no way else.
Friend. Here are too many to encounter, and I'll defer
my Vengeance.
Char. Stay, Sir, we must not part so.
\_Ex. Drawing at the same Door, that Sir Tim. is
sneaking out at.
Come back I say. [Pulls in Sir Tim.
Slave ! Dost thou tremble ?
Sir Tim. Sir, I'm not the Man you look for
By Fortune, Sham, we're all undone :
He has mistook me for the righting Fellow.
Char. Villain, defend thy Life.
Sir Tim. Who, I, Sir ? I have no quarrel to you, nor
no man breathing, not I, by Fortune.
Cel. This Coward cannot be my Brother. [Aside.
Char. What made thee draw upon my Brother ?
Sir Tim. Who, I, Sir ? by Fortune, I love him I draw
upon him !
Char. I do not wonder thou canst lye, for thou'rt a
Coward !
Didst not thou draw upon him ? Is not thy Sword yet out ?
Did I not see thee fierce, and active too, as if thou hadst
dar'd ?
46 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT 111
Sir Tim. Why, he's gone, Sir ; a Pox of all Mistakes
and Masqueradings I say this was your Plot, Sham.
Char. Coward ! Shew then thy Face.
Sir Tim. I'll be hang'd first, by Fortune ; for then 'twill
be plain 'twas I, because I challeng'd Bellmour last Night,
and broke my Assignation this Morning. [Aside.
Char. Shew thy Face without delay, or
Sir Tim. My Face, Sir ! I protest, by Fortune, 'tis not
worth seeing.
Char. Then, Sirrah, you are worth a kicking take
that and that {Kicks him.
Sir Tim. How, Sir ? how ?
Char. So, Sir, so. {Kicks him again.
Sir Tim. Have a care, Sir by Fortune, I shall fight
with a little more.
Char. Take that to raise you. {Strikes him.
Sir Tim. Nay, then I am angry, and I dare fight.
[They fight out.
Lord. Go, Ladies, see the Bride to her Chamber.
{Ex. Women.
Bel. The Knight, Sir Timothy Tawdrey ;
The Rascal mist me at the appointed place,
And comes to attack me here [ Turns to Cel.
Brave Youth, I know not how
I came to merit this Relief from thee :
Sure thou art a Stranger to me, thou'rt so kind.
Cel. Sir, I believe those happy ones that know you
Had been far kinder, but I'm indeed a Stranger.
Bel. Mayst thou be ever so to one so wretched ;
I will not ask thy Name, lest knowing it,
(I'm such a Monster) I should ruin thee.
Cel. Oh, how he melts my Soul ! I cannot stay,
Lest Grief, my Sex, my Bus'nessshou'd betray. [Aside.
Farewel, Sir
May you be happy in the Maid you love. [Exit Cel.
Bel. O, dost thou mock my Griefs? by Heaven, he did.
Stay, Sir, he's gone.
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 47
Enter Charles Bellmour.
Char. The Rogue took Courage, when he saw there
was no Remedy ; but there's no hurt done on either side.
Lord. 'Tis fit such as he shou'd be chastis'd, that do
abuse Hospitality. Come, come, to Bed ; the Lady, Sir,
expects you.
Bel. Gentlemen, good Night. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Bed Chamber.
Enter Diana.
Dia. I long to know the Cause of Bellmour'' s Disorder
to Night, and here he comes.
Enter Bellmour, Lord, Charles, and the rest.
Char. Shan't we see you laid, Brother?
Bel. Yes, in my Grave, dear Charles ;
But I'll excuse that Ceremony here.
Char. Good Night, and no Rest to you, Brother.
\_Ex. all but Bellmour and Diana.
Dia. Till now, my Bellmour^ I wanted Opportunity
To ask the Cause, why on a joyful Day,
When Heav'n has join'd us by a sacred Tie,
Thou droop'st like early Flowers with Winter-storms.
Bel. Thou art that Winter-storm that nips my Bud ;
All my young springing Hopes, my gay Desires,
The prospect of approaching Joys of Love,
Thou in a hapless Minute hast took from me,
And in its room,
Hast given me an eternal Desperation.
Dia. Have you then given me, Vows ye can repent of?
Bel. I given ye Vows ! be witness, ye just Pow'rs,
How far I was from giving any Vows :
No, no, Diana^ I had none to give.
Dia. No Vows to give !
What were they which unto the Holy Man
Thou didst repeat, when I was made all thine?
48 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT in
Bel. The Effects of low Submission, such as Slaves
Condemn'd to die, yield to the angry Judge.
Dia. Dost thou not love me then ?
Bel. Love thee ! No, by Heaven : yet wish I were so
happy,
For thou art wondrous fair and wondrous good.
Dia. Oh, what a Defeat is here !
The only Man, who from all Nature's store
I found most charming, fit for my Desires ;
And now after a thousand Expectations,
Such as all Maids that love like me do hope,
Just ready for the highest Joys of Love !
Then to be met thus cold nay, worse, with scorn. [Aside.
Why, since you could not love me, did you marry me ?
Bel. Because I was a Beast, a very Villain !
That stak'd a wretched Fortune to all my Joys of Life,
And like a prodigal Gamester lost that all.
Dia. How durst you, Sir, knowing my Quality,
Return me this false Pay, for Love so true?
Was this a Beauty, Sir, to be neglected ?
Bel. Fair angry Maid, frown on, frown till you kill,
And I shall dying bless those Eyes that did so.
For shou'd I live, I shou'd deprive the happier World
Of Treasures, I'm too wretched to possess.
And were't not pity that vast store of Beauty
Shou'd, like rich Fruit, die on the yielding Boughs?
Dia. And are you then resolved to be a Stranger to me ?
Bel. For ever ! for a long Eternity !
Dia. O thou'st undone me then ; hast thou found out
A Maid more fair, more worthy of thy Love ?
Look on me well.
Bel. I have consider'd thee,
And find no Blemish in thy Soul, or Form ;
Thou art all o'er Divine, yet I must hate thee,
Since thou hast drawn me to a mortal Sin,
That cannot be forgiven by Men, or Heaven.
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 49
Oh, thou hast made me break a Vow, Diana,
A sacred solemn Vow ;
And made me wrong the sweetest Innocence,
That ever blest the Earth.
Dia. Instead of cooling this augments my Fire ;
No Pain is like defeated new Desire. [Aside.
'Tis false, or but to try my Constancy.
Your Mistress is not so divine as I,
And shou'd I, 'gainst himself, believe the Man
Who first inspir'd my Heart with Love's soft Flame?
Bel. What Bliss on me insensibly you throw !
I'd rather hear thee swear, thou art my Foe,
And like some noble and romantick Maid
With Poniards wou'd my stubborn Heart invade ;
And whilst thou dost the faithful Relique tear,
In every Vein thoud'st find Gelinda there.
Dia. Come, Sir, you must forget Celinda's Charms,
And reap Delights within my circling Arms,
Delights that may your Errors undeceive,
When you find Joys as great as she can give.
Bel. What do I hear ? is this the kind Relief
Thou dost allow to my Despair and Grief?
Is this the Comfort that thou dost impart
To my all-wounded, bleeding, dying Heart?
Were I so brutal, cou'd thy Love comply
To serve it self with base Adultery ?
For cou'd I love thee, cou'd I love again,
Our Lives wou'd be but one continu'd Sin :
A Sin of that black dye, a Sin so foul,
'Twou'd leave no Hopes of Heav'n for cither's Soul.
Dia. Dull Man ! Dost think a feeble vain Excuse
Shall satisfy me for this Night's abuse ?
No, since my Passion thou'st defeated thus,
And robb'd me of my long-wish'd Happiness,
I'll make thee know what a wrong'd Maid can do,
Divided 'twixt her Love and Injuries too.
Ill E
5o THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT in
Bel. I dare thy worst ;
Shou'd Hell assist thy Aims, thou cou'dst not find,
New Plagues, unless thou shou'dst continue kind,
Hard Fate, Diana, when thy Love must be
The greatest Curse that can arrive to me.
That Friendship which our Infant Years begun,
And till this Day has still continued on,
I will preserve ; and my Respects shall be
Profound, as what was ever paid by me :
But for my Love, 'tis to Celinda due,
And I can pay you none that's just and true.
Dia. The rest I'd have thee k jw I do despise,
I better understand my conquering Eyes ;
Those Eyes that shall revenge my Love and Shame,
I'll kill thy Reputation and thy Name. [Exit.
Bel. My Honour ! and my Reputation, now !
They both were forfeit, when I broke my Vow,
Nor cou'd my Honour with thy Fame decline ;
Whoe'er profanes thee, injures nought of mine.
This Night upon the Couch my self I'll lay,
And like Franciscans, let th' ensuing Day
Take care for all the Toils it brings with it :
o y
Whatever Fate arrives, I can submit. [Exit.
SCENE III. A Street.
Enter Celinda, drest as before.
Cel. Not one kind Wound to send me to my Grave,
And yet between their angry Swords I ran,
Expecting it from Bellmour, or my Brother's :
Oh, my hard Fate ! that gave me so much Misery,
And dealt no Courage to prevent the shock.
Why came I off alive, that fatal Place
Where I beheld my Bellmour, in th' embrace
Of my extremely fair, and lovely Rival ?
With what kind Care she did prevent my Arm,
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 51
Which (greedy of the last sad-parting twine)
I wou'd have thrown about him, as if she knew
To what intent I made the passionate Offer?
What have I next to do, but seek a Death
Wherever I can meet it Who comes here? [Goes aside.
Enter Sir Timothy, Sham and Sharp, with Fidlers
and Boy.
Sir Tim. I believe this is the Bed-chamber Window
where the Bride and Bridegroom lies.
Sham. Well, and what do you intend to do, if it be, Sir ?
Sir Tim. Why, first sing a Baudy Song, and then break
the Windows, in revenge for the Affront was put upon me
to night.
Sharp. Faith, Sir, that's but a poor Revenge, and which
every Footman may take of his Lady, who has turn'd him
away for filching You know, Sir, Windows are frail,
and will yield to the lusty Brickbats ; 'tis an Act below a
Gentleman.
Sir Tim. That's all one, 'tis my Recreation ; I serv'd
a Woman so the other night, to whom my Mistress had
a Pique.
Sham. Ay, Sir, 'tis a Revenge fit only for a Whore to take
And the Affront you receiv'd to Night, was by mistake.
Sir Tim. Mistake ! how can that be ?
Sham. Why, Sir, did you not mind, that he that drew
upon Bellmour^ was in the same Dress with you.
Sir Tim. How shou'd his be like mine?
Sham. Why, by the same Chance, that yours was like
his I suppose sending to the Play-house for them, as we
did, they happened to send him such another Habit, for they
have many such for dancing Shepherds.
Sir Tim. Well, I grant it a Mistake, and that shall
reprieve the Windows.
Sharp. Then, Sir, you shew'd so much Courage, that
you may bless the Minute that forc'd you to fight.
52 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT in
Sir Tim. Ay, but between you and I, 'twas well he
kick'd me first, and made me angry, or I had been lustily
swing'd, by Fortune But thanks to my Spleen, thatsav'd
my Bones that bout But then I did well hah, came
briskly off, and the rest.
Sham. With Honour, Sir, I protest.
Sir Tim. Come then, we'll serenade him. Come, Sirrah,
tune your Pipes, and sing.
Boy. What shall I sing, Sir r
Sir Tim. Any thing sutable to the Time and Place.
SONG.
I.
THE happy Minute's come, the Nymph is laid,
Who means no more to rise a Maid.
Blushing, and panting, she expects //;' Approach
Of Joys that kill with every touch :
Nor can her native Modesty and Shame
Conceal the Ardour of her Virgin Flame.
II.
And now the amorous Touth is all undrest,
Just ready for Love's mighty Feast ;
With vigorous haste the Veil aside he throws,
That doth all Heaven at once disclose.
Swift as Desire, into her naked Arms
Himself he throws, and rifles all her Charms.
Good morrow, Mr. Bellmour, and to your lovely Bride,
long may you live and love.
Enter Bellmour above.
Bel. Who is't has sent that Curse ?
Sir Tim. What a Pox, is that Bellmour? The Rogue's
in choler, the Bride has not pleas'd him.
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 53
Bel. Dogs ! Do you upbraid me ? I'll be with you
presently.
Sir Tim. Will you so? but I'll not stay your coming.
Cel. But you shall, Sir.
Eel. Turn, Villains !
[Sir Tim. &c. offers to go off, Celinda steps forth, and
draws, they draw, and set upon her. Enter Bellmour
behind them : They turn, and Celinda sides with
Bellmour, and fights. Enter Diana, Bellmoury? r />/j
'em out, and leaves Celinda breathless, leaning on her
Sword.
Dla. I'll ne'er demand the cause of this disorder,
But take this opportunity to fly
To the next hands will take me up who's here?
Cel. Not yet, my sullen Heart !
Dia. Who's here? one wounded alas
Cel. 'Tis not so lucky but who art thou
That dost with so much pity ask ?
Dia. He seems a Gentleman handsome and young
Pray ask no Questions, Sir ; but if you are what you
seem,
Give a Protection to an unhappy Maid.
Do not reply, but let us haste away.
Cel. Hah What do I hear ! sure, 'tis Diana.
Madam, with haste, and joy, I'll serve you.
I'll carry her to my own Lodgings.
Fortune, in this, has done my Sufferings right,
My Rival's in my Power, upon her Wedding-Night. [Aside.
[Exeunt.
Enter Bellmour, Sir Tim. Sham, and Sharp.
Sir Tim. Lord, Lord, that you should not know your
Friend and humble Servant, Tim. Tawdrey But thou
look'st as if thou hadst not been a-bed yet.
Bel. No more I have.
54 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT in, sc. in
Sir Tim. Nay, then thou losest precious time, I'll not
detain tliee. \_0_ffers to go.
Bel. Thou art mistaken, I hate all Woman-kind
Sir Tim. How, how !
Bel. Above an Hour hark ye, Knight I am as leud,
and as debaucht as thou art.
Sir Tim. What do you mean, Frank?
Bel. To tell a Truth, which yet I never did.
I whore, drink, game, swear, lye, cheat, rob, pimp,
hector, all, all I do that's vitious.
Sir Tim. Bless me !
Bel. From such a Villian, hah !
Sir Tim. No, but that thou should'st hide it all this
while.
Bel. Till I was married only, and now I can dissemble
it no longer come let's to a Baudy-House.
Sir Tim. A Baudy-house ! What, already !
This is the very quintessence of Leudness.
Why, I thought that I was wicked, but, by Fortune,
This dashes mine quite out of Countenance.
Bel. Oh, thou'rt a puny Sinner ! I'll teach thee Arts
(so rare) of Sin, the least of them shall damn thee.
Sir Tim. By Fortune, Frank, I do not like these Arts.
Eel. Then thou'rt a Fool I'll teach thee to be rich too.
Sir Tim. Ay, that I like.
Bel. Look here, my Boys !
[Hold up his Writings, which he takes out of his Pockets.
The Writings of 3000 /. a Year :
All this I got by Perjury.
Sir Tim. By Fortune, a thriving Sin.
Bel. And we will live in Sin while this holds out.
And then to my cold Home Come let's be gone :
Oh, that I ne'er might see the rising Sun.
[Exeunt.
ACT iv, sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 55
ACT IV.
SCENE I. Celinda's Chamber.
Discovers Celinda as before sitting in a Chair, Diana
by her in another, who sings.
SONG.
I.
Celinda, who did Love disdain,
For whom had languished many a Swain,
Leading her bleating Flocks to drink,
She spy'd upon the River's brink
A Youth, whose Eyes did well declare
How much he lov'd, hut lov d not her.
II.
At first she laugh' d, but gaz'd the while,
And soon it lessened to a Smile ;
Thence to surprize and wonder came,
Her Breast to heave, her Heart to flame ;
Then cryd she out, Ah, now I prove
Thou art a God, Almighty Love.
III.
She wou'd have spoke, but Shame deny'd,
And bad her first consult her Pride ;
But soon she found that Aid was gone,
For Love, alas, had left her none.
Oh, how she burns, but 'tis too late,
For in his Eyes she reads her Fate.
Gel. Oh, how numerous are her Charms
How shall I pay this generous Condescension r
Fair lovely Maid
Dia. Why do you flatter, Sir ?
Gel. To say you're lovely, by your self I do not,
I'm young, and have not much convers'd with Beauty :
56 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT iv
Yet I'll esteem my Judgment, since it knows
Where my Devotions shou'd be justly paid.
But, Madam, may I not yet expect
To hear the Story, you so lately promis'd me ?
Dia. I owe much to your Goodness, Sir but
Gel. I am too young, you think, to hear a Secret;
Can I want Sense to pity your Misfortunes,
Or Passion to incite me to revenge 'em?
Dia. Oh, would he were in earnest !
Cel. She's fond of me, and I must blow that flame,
Do any thing to make her hate my Bellmour. [Aside.
But, Madam, I'm impatient for your Story,
That after that, you may expect my Service.
Dia. The Treatment you this night have given a dis
tressed Maid, enough obliges me ; nor need I tell you, I'm
nobly born ; something about my Dress, my Looks and
Mien, will doubtless do me reason.
Cel. Sufficiently
Dia. But in the Family where I was educated, a Youth
of my own Age, a Kinsman too, I chanc'd to fall in love
with, but with a Passion my Pride still got the better of;
and he, I thought, repaid my young Desires. But Bash-
fulness on his part, did what Pride had done on mine, and
kept his too conceal'd At last my Uncle, who had the
absolute Dominion of us both, thought good to marry us
together.
Cel. Punish him, Heaven, for a Sin so great.
And are you married then ?
Dia. Why is there Terror in that Word?
Cel. By all that's Sacred, 'tis a Word that kills me.
Oh, say thou art not;
And I thus low will fall, and pay thee Thanks. \_Kneeh.
Dia. You'll wish indeed I were not, when you know
How very, very wretched it has made me.
Cel. Shou'd you be telling me a Tale all day,
Such as would melt a Heart that ne'er could love,
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 57
'Twould not increase my Reason for the wish
That I had dy'd e'er known you had been married.
Dia. So many soft Words from my Bellmour's mouth
Had made me mad with Joy, and next to that
I wish to hear 'em from this Youth ;
If they be real, how I shall be reveng'd ! \_Aside.
But why at my being married should you sigh ?
Gel. Because I love, is that a Wonder, Madam ?
Have you not Charms sufficient at first sight
To wound a Heart tender and young as mine ?
Are you not heavenly fair ? Oh, there's my Grief
Since you must be another's.
Dia. Pray hear me out; and if you love me after,
Perhaps you may not think your self unhappy.
When Night was come, the long'd for Night, and all
Retir'd to give us silent Room for Joy
Cel. Oh, I can hear no more by Heav'n, I cannot.
Here stab me to the Heart let out my Life,
I cannot live, and hear what follow'd next.
Dia. Pray hear me, Sir
Cel. Oh, you will tell me he was kind
Yes, yes oh God were not his balmy Kisses
Sweeter than Incense offer'd up to Heaven ?
Did not his Arms, softer and whiter far
Than those of Jove's transform'd to Wings of Swans,
Greedily clasp thee round? Oh, quickly speak,
Whilst thy fair rising Bosom met with his;
And then Oh then
Dia. Alas, Sir ! What's the matter? sit down a while.
Cel. Now I am well pardon me, lovely Creature,
If I betray a Passion, I'm too young
To've learnt the Art of hiding ;
I cannot hear you say that he was kind.
Dia. Kind ! yes, as Blasts to Flow'rs, or early Fruit ;
All gay I met him full of youthful Heat :
But like a Damp, he dasht my kindled Flame,
58 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT iv
And all his Reason was he lov'd another,
A Maid he call'd Celinda.
Gel. Oh blessed Man !
Dia. How, Sir?
Cel. To leave thee free, to leave thee yet a Virgin.
Dia. Yes, I have vow'd he never shall possess me.
Cel. Oh, how you bless me but you still are married,
And whilst you are so I must languish
Dia. Oh, how his Softness moves me ! \_Aside.
But can all this Disorder spring from Love ?
Cel. Or may I still prove wretched.
Dia. And can you think there are no ways
For me to gratify that Love ?
What ways am I constrain'd to use to work our my
Revenge! [Aside.
Cel. How mean you, Madam ?
Dia. Without a Miracle, look on my Eyes
And Beauty which you say can kindle Fires;
She that can give, may too retain Desires.
Cel. She'll ravish me- let me not understand you.
Dia. Look on my Wrongs
Wrongs that would melt a frozen Chastity,
That a religious Vow had made to Heaven :
And next survey thy own Perfections.
Cel. Hah
Dia. Art thou so young, thou canst not apprehend me ?
Fair bashful Boy, hast thou the Power to move,
And yet not know the Bus'ness of thy Love?
Cel. How in an instant thou hast chill'd my Blood,
And made me know no Woman can be good ?
'Tis Sin enough to yield but thus to sue
Heav'n 'tis my Business and not meant for you.
Dia. How little Love is understood by thee,
'Tis Custom, and not Passion you pursue ;
Because Enjoyment first was nam'd by me,
It does destroy what shou'd your Flame renew :
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 59
My easy yielding does your Fire abate,
And mine as much your tedious Courtship hate.
Tell Heaven you will hereafter sacrifice,
And see how that will please the Deities.
The ready Victim is the noblest way,
Your Zeal and Obligations too to pay.
Gel. I think the Gods wou'd hardly be ador'd,
If they their Blessings shou'd, unask'd, afford ;
And I that Beauty can no more admire,
Who ere I sue, can yield to my Desire.
Dia. Dull Youth, farewel :
For since 'tis my Revenge that I pursue
Less Beauty and more Man as well may do. [Offers to go.
Enter Friendlove disguis'd^ as one from a Camp.
Cel. Madam, you must not go with this Mistake.
[Holds her.
Friend. Celinda has inform'd me true 'tis she
Good morrow, Brother, what, so early at your Devotions?
Cel. O, my Brother's come, and luckily relieves me.
[Aside.
Friend. Your Orizons are made to a fair Saint.
Pray, Sir, what Lady's that r
Or is it blasphemy to repeat her Name ?
By my bright Arms, she's fair With what a charming
Fierceness, she charges through my Body to my Heart.
Death ! how her glittering Eyes give Fire, and wound !
And have already pierc'd my very Soul !
May I approach her, Brother?
Cel. Yes, if you dare, there's danger in it though,
She has Charms that will bewitch you :
I dare not stand their Mischief. [Exit.
Friend. Lady, I ama Soldier yet in my gentlest Terms
I humbly beg to kiss your lovely Hands
Death ! there's Magick in the Touch.
By Heaven, you carry an Artillery in every part.
60 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT iv
Dia. This is a Man indeed fit for my purpose. [Aside.
Friend. Nay, do not view me, I am no lovely Object ;
I am a Man bred up to Noise and War,
And know not how to dress my Looks in Smiles ;
Yet trust me, fair one, I can love and serve
As well as an Endymion, or Adonis.
Wou'd you were willing to permit that Service !
Dia. Why, Sir? What cou'd you do?
Friend. Why I cou'd die for you.
Dia. I need the Service of the living, Sir.
But do you love me, Sir ?
Friend. Or let me perish, flying from a single Enemy.
I am a Gentleman, and may pretend to love you ;
And what you can command, I can perform.
Dia. Take heed, Sir, what you say, for I'm in earnest.
Friend. Command me any thing that's just and brave ;
And, by my Eyes, 'tis done.
Dia. I know not what you call just or brave ;
But those whom I do the Honour to command,
Must not capitulate.
Friend. Let him be blasted with the Name of Coward,
That dares dispute your Orders.
Dia. Dare you fight for me ?
Friend. With a whole Army ; 'tis my Trade to fight.
Dia. Nay, 'tis but a single Man.
Friend. Name him.
Dia. Bellmour.
Friend. Of Yorkshire? Companion to young Friend-
love^ that came lately from Italy ?
Dia. Yes, do you know him ?
Friend. I do, who has oft spoke of Bellmour ;
We travel'd into Italy together But since, I hear,
He fell in love with a fair cruel Maid,
For whom he languishes.
Dia. Heard you her Name ?
Friend. Diana y rich in Beauty, as in Fortune.
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 61
Wou'd she had less of both, and more of Pity;
And that I knew not how to wish, till now
That I became a Lover, perhaps as unsuccessful. [Aside.
Dia. I knew my Beauty had a thousand Darts,
But knew not they cou'd strike so quick and home.
[Aside.
Let your good Wishes for your Friend alone,
Lest he being happy, you shou'd be undone.
For he and you cannot be blest at once.
Friend. How, Madam !
Dia. I am that Maid he loves, and who hates him.
Friend. Hate him !
Dia. To Death.
Friend. Oh, me unhappy ! [Aside.
Dia. He sighs and turns away am I again defeated ?
Surely I am not fair, or Man's insensible.
Friend. She knows me not-^-
And 'twas discreetly done to change my Shape :
For Woman is a strange fantastick Creature ;
And where before, I cou'd not gain a Smile,
Thus I may win her Heart. [Aside.
Say, Madam, can you love a Man that dies for you ?
Dia. The way to gain me, is to fight with Bellmour.
Tell him from me you come, the wrong'd Diana ;
Tell him you have an Interest in my Heart,
Equal to that which I have made in yours.
Friend. I'll do't ; I will not ask your Reason, but obey.
Swear e'er I go, that when I have perform'd it,
You'll render me Possession of your Heart.
Dia. By all the Vows that Heaven ties Hearts together
with,
I'll be entirely yours.
Friend. And I'll not be that conscientious Fool,
To stop at Blessings 'cause they are not lawful;
But take 'em up, when Heaven has thrown 'em down,
Without the leave of a Religious Ceremony. [Aside.
62 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT iv
Madam, this House, which I am Master of,
You shall command; whilst I go seek this Bellmour.
Dia. But e'er you go, I must inform you why
I do pursue him with my just Revenge.
Friend. I will attend, and hear impatiently. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Baudy House.
Enter Mrs. Driver and Betty Flauntit.
Flaunt. Driver, prithee call for a Glass, that I may set
my self in order, before I go up ; for really my Knight has
not been at home all this Night, and I am so confus'd
Enter one with a Glass, and two Wencbes t Jenny and Doll.
Lord, Mrs. Driver, I wonder you shou'd send for me, when
other Women are in Company ; you know of all things in
the World, I hate Whores, they are the pratingst leudest
poor Creatures in Nature ; and I wou'd not, for any thing,
Sir Timothy shou'd know that I keep Company, 'twere
enough to lose him.
Mrs. Driv. Truly, Mrs. Flauntit, this young Squire
that you were sent to for, has two or three Persons more
with him that must be accommodated too.
Flaunt. Driver, though I do recreate my self a little
sometimes, yet you know I value my Reputation and
Honour.
Jenny. Mrs. Driver, why shou'd you send for us where
Flauntit is? a stinking proud Flirt, who because she has
a tawdry Petticoat, I warrant you, will think her self so
much above us, when if she were set out in her own
natural Colours, and her original Garments, wou'd be
much below us in Beauty.
Mrs. Driv. Look ye, Mrs. Jenny, I know you, and I
know Mrs. Flauntit ; but 'tis not Beauty or Wit that takes
now-a-days ; the Age is altered since I took upon me this
genteel Occupation : but 'tis a fine Petticoat, right Points,
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 63
and clean Garnitures, that does me Credit, and takes the
Gallant, though on a stale Woman. And again, Mrs.
Jenny, she's kept, and Men love as much for Malice, as
for Lechery, as they call it. Oh, 'tis a great Mover to
Joy, as they say, to have a Woman that's kept.
Jen. Well ! Be it so, we may arrive to that excellent
Degree of Cracking, to be kept too one day.
Mrs. Driv. Well, well, get your selves in order to go
up to the Gentlemen.
Flaunt. Driver, what art thou talking to those poor
Creatures? Lord, how they stink of Paint and Pox, faugh
Mrs. Driv. They were only complaining that you that
were kept, shou'd intrude upon the Privileges of the Com
moners.
Flaunt. Lord, they think there are such Joys in Keep
ing, when I vow, Driver, after a while, a Miss has as
painful a Life as a Wife ; ouf Men drink, stay out late,
and whore, like any Husbands.
Driv. But I hope in the Lord, Mrs. Flauniit, yours is
no such Man ; I never saw him, but I have heard he's
under decent Correction.
Flaunt. Thou art mistaken, Driver, I can keep him
within no moderate Bounds without Blows; but for his
filthy Custom of Wenching, I have almost broke him of
that but prithee, Driver, who are these Gentlemen ?
Driv. Truly, I know not ; but they are young, and fine
as Princes: two of 'em were disguis'd in masking Habits
last Night, but they have sent 'em away this Morning,
and they are free as Emperors One of 'em has lost a
Thousand Pound at Play, and never repin'd at it; one's
a Knight, and I believe his Courage is cool'd, for he has
ferreted my Maids over and over to Night But 'tis the
fine, young, handsom Squire that I design you for.
Flaunt. No matter for his Handsomness, let me have
him that has most Money. [Exeunt.
64 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT iv
SCENE III. Another Chamber in the Brothel, a Table
with Box and Dice.
Enter Bellmour, Sir Timothy, Sham and Sharp.
Bel. Damn it, give us more Wine. [Drinks.
Where stands the Box and Dice ? Why, Sham.
Sham. Faith, Sir, Your Luck's so bad, I han't the
Conscience to play longer Sir Timothy and you play off
a hundred Guineas, and see if Luck will turn.
Bel. Do you take me for a Country Squire, whose Repu
tation will be crackt at the loss of a petty Thousand ? you
have my Note for it to my Goldsmith.
Sham. 'Tis sufficient if it were for ten thousand.
Bel. Why, Sir Timothy Pox on't, thou'rt dull, we are
not half debauch'd and leud enough, give us more Wine.
Sir Tim. Faith, Frank, I'm a little maukish with sitting
up all Night, and want a small refreshment this Morning
Did we not send for Whores?
Bel. No, I am not in humour for a Wench
By Heaven, I hate the Sex.
All but divine Celinda,
Appear strange Monsters to my Eyes and Thoughts.
Sir Tim. What, art Italianiz'd, and lovest thy own Sex ?
Bel. I'm for any thing that's out of the common Road
of Sin ; I love a Man that will be damn'd for something :
to creep by slow degrees to Hell, as if he were afraid the
World shou'd see which way he went, I scorn it, 'tis like a
Conventicler No, give me a Man, who to be certain of 's
Damnation, will break a solemn Vow to a contracted Maid.
Sir Tim. Ha, ha, ha, I thought thou would'st have said
at least had murder'd his Father, or ravish'd his Mother
Break a Vow, quoth ye by Fortune, I have broke a
thousand.
Bel. Well said, my Boy ! A Man of Honour ! And will
be ready whene'er the Devil calls for thee So ho
more Wine, more Wine, and Dice.
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 65
Enter a Servant with Dice and Wine.
Come, Sir, let me [Throws and loses.
Sir Tim. What will you set me, Sir ?
Bel. Cater-tray a hundred Guineas oh, damn the
Dice 'tis mine come, a full Glass Damnation to my
Uncle.
Sir Tim. By Fortune, I'll do thee reason give me the
Glass, and, Sham, to thee Confusion to the musty Lord.
Bel. So now I'm like my self, profanely wicked.
A little room for Life but such a Life
As Hell it self shall wonder at I'll have a care
To do no one good deed in the whole course on't,
Lest that shou'd save my Soul in spite of Vow-breach.
I will not die that Peace my Sins deserve not.
I'll live and let my Tyrant Uncle see
The sad effects of Perjury, and forc'd Marriage.
Surely the Pow'rs above envy'd my Bliss ;
Marrying Celinda, I had been an Angel,
So truly blest, and good. \_Weeps.
Sir Tim. Why, how now, Frank by Fortune, the
Rogue is Maudlin So, ho, ho, so ho.
Bel. The matter?
Sir Tim. Oh, art awake What a Devil ail'st thou,
Frank ?
Bel. A Wench, or any thing come, let's drink a round.
Sham. They're come as wisht for.
Enter Flauntit, Driver, Doll and Jenny masked.
Bel. Oh, damn 'em ! What shall I do?
Yet it would look like Virtue to avoid 'em.
No, I must venture on Ladies, y'are welcome.
Sir Tim. How, the Women ? Hold, hold, Bellmour,
let me choose too Come, come, unmask, and shew your
pretty Faces.
Flaunt. How, Sir Timothy! What Devil ow'd me a
spite. [Aside.
Ill F
66 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT iv
Sir Tim. Come, unmask, I say : a willing Wench would
have shew'd all in half this time.
Flaunt. Wou'd she so, Impudence ! [Pulls off her Mask.
Sir Tim. How, my Betty!
Flaunt. This is the Trade you drive, you eternal Fop,
when I sit at home expecting you Night after Night.
Sir Tim. Nay, dear Betty!
Flaunt. 'Tis here you spend that which shou'd buy me
Points and Petticoats, whilst I go like no body's Mistress ;
I'd as live be your Wife at this rate, so I had : and I'm
in no small danger of getting the foul Disease by your
Leudness.
Sir Tim. Victorious Betty, be merciful, and do not ruin
my Reputation amongst my Friends.
Flaunt. Your Whores you mean, you Sot you.
Sir Tim. Nay, triumphant Betty, hear thy poor Timmy.
Flaunt. My poor Ninny, I'm us'd barbarously, and
won't endure it.
Sir Tim. I've won Money to Night, Betty, to buy thee
Clothes hum hum Well said, Frank, towse the little
Jilts, they came for that purpose.
Flaunt. The Devil confound him, what a Prize have I
lost by his being here my Comfort is, he has not found
me out though, but thinks I came to look for him, and
accordingly I must dissemble.
Bel. What's here ? A Lady all in Tears !
Sir Tim. An old Acquaintance of mine, that takes it
unkindly that I am for Change Betty, say so too, you
know I can settle nothing till I'm marry'd ; and he can
do it swingingly, if we can but draw him in.
Flaunt. This mollifies something, do this, and you'll
make your Peace ; if not, you Rascal, your Ears shall pay
for this Night's Transgression.
Sir Tim. Come hither, Frank, is not this a fine Creature?
Bel. By Heaven, a very Devil !
Sir Tim. Come, come, approach her; for if you'll have
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 67
a Miss, this has all the good Qualities of one go, go Court
her, thou art so bashful
Bel. I cannot frame my Tongue to so much Blasphemy,
as 'tis to say kind things to her I'll try my Heart though
Fair Lady Damn her, she is not fair nor sweet
nor good nor something I must say for a beginning.
Come, Lady dry your Eyes :
This Man deserves not all the Tears you shed.
So at last the Devil has got the better of me,
And I am enter'd.
Flaunt. You see, Sir, how miserable we Women are
that love you Men.
Bel. How, did you love him? Love him against his Will ?
Flaunt. So it seems, Sir.
Bel. Oh, thou art wretched then indeed ; no wonder if
he hate thee Does he not curse thee ? Curse thee till thou
art damn'd, as I do lost Diana. \_Aside.
Flaunt. Curse me ! He were not best in my hearing ;
Let him do what he will behind my Back.
What ails the Gentleman ?
Bel. Gods ! what an odious thing mere Coupling is !
A thing which every sensual Animal
Can do as well as we but prithee tell me,
Is there nought else between the nobler Creatures ?
Flaunt. Not that I know of, Sir Lord, he's very silly,
or very innocent, I hope he has his Maidenhead ; if so, and
rich too, Oh, what a booty were this for me ! [Aside.
Eel. 'Tis wondrous strange ;
Why was not I created like the rest,
Wild, and insensible, to fancy all?
Flaunt. Come, Sir, you must learn to be gay, to sing,
to dance, and talk of any thing, and fancy any thing that's
in your way too.
Bel. Oh, I can towse, and ruffle, like any Leviathan,
when I begin Come, prove my Vigor. [ Towses her.
Flaunt. Oh, Lord, Sir ! You tumble all my Garniture.
68 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT iv
Bel. There's Gold to buy thee more
Flaunt. Oh, sweet Sir wou'd my Knight were hang'd,
so I were well rid of him now Well, Sir, I swear you
are the most agreeable Person
Bel. Am I ? let us be more familiar then I'll kiss
thy Hand, thy Breast, thy Lips and
Flaunt. All you please, Sir
Bel. A tractable Sinner ! [Offers to kiss her.
Faugh how she smells had I approach'd so near divine
Celinda, what a natural Fragrancy had sent it self through
all my ravisht Senses ! [Aside.
Flaunt. The Man's extasy'd, sure, I shall take him.
Come, Sir, you're sad.
Bel. As Angels fall'n from the Divine Abode,
And now am lighted on a very Hell !
But this is not the way to thrive in Wickedness ;
I must rush on to Ruin Come, fair Mistress,
Will you not shew me some of your Arts of Love ?
For I am very apt to learn of Beauty Gods
What is't I negotiate for? a Woman !
Making a Bargain to possess a Woman !
Oh, never, never !
Flaunt. The Man is in love, that's certain as I was
saying, Sir
Bel. Be gone, Repentance ! Thou needless Goodness,
Which if I follow, canst lead me to no Joys.
Come, tell me the Price of all your Pleasures.
Sir Tim. Look you, Mistress, I am but a Country Knight.
Yet I shou'd be glad of your farther Acquaintance.
Pray, who may that Lady be
Driv. Who, Mrs. Flauntit, Sir ?
Sir Tim. Ay, she : she's tearing fine, by Fortune.
Driv. I'll assure you, Sir, she's kept, and is a great
Rarity, but to a Friend, or so
Sir Tim. Hum kept pray, by whom ?
Driv. Why, a silly Knight, Sir, that
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 69
Sir Tim. Ay, ay, silly indeed a Pox upon her a silly
Knight, you say
Driv. Ay, Sir, one she makes a very Ass of.
Sir Tim. Ay, so methinks but she's kind, and will do
reason for all him.
Driv. To a Friend, a Man of Quality or so.
Sir Tim. Ay, she blinds the Knight.
Driv. Alas, Sir, easily he, poor Cully, thinks her a
very Saint but when he's out of the way, she comes to
me to pleasure a Friend.
Sir Tim. But what if the Fool miss her ?
Driv. Shecries Whore first, brings him upon hisKnees
for her Fault ; and a piece of Plate, or a new Petticoat,
makes his Peace again.
Sir Tim. Why look you, Mistress, I am that Fop,
that very silly Knight, and the rest that you speak of.
Driv. How, Sir? then I'm undone, she's the Upholder
of my Calling, the very Grace of my Function.
Sir Tim. Is she so ? e'en keep her to your self then, I'll
have no more of her, by Fortune I humbly thank you
for your Intelligence, and the rest. Well I see there's
not one honest Whore i'th' Nation, by Fortune.
Enter Charles Bellmour, and Trusty.
Hark ye, Mistress, what was your Bus'ness here ?
Flaunt. To meet a Rogue !
Sir Tim. And I to meet a Whore, and now we are well
met.
Flaunt. How, Sir?
Sir Tim. Nay, never be surpriz'd, for your Intrigues
are discover'd, the good Matron of the House (against her
Will) has done me that kindness you know how to live
without your Keeper, and so I'll leave you.
Flaunt. You're too serviceable a Fool to be lost so. [Aside.
Bel. Who knows this bold Intruder ?
Char. How, Sir, am I a Stranger to you ? But I shou'd
70 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT iv
wonder at it, since all your last Night's Actions betray'd
a strange depravity of Sense.
Sir, I have sought you long, and wish I had not found
you yet, since both the Place and Company declare, how
grossly you've dissembled Virtue all this while.
Bel. Take hence that prating Boy.
Char. How, Sir You are my elder Brother, yet I may
be allow'd to do the Business that I came for, and from
my Uncle to demand your Wife.
Bel. You may return, and tell him that she's dead.
Char. Dead ! sure, Sir, you rave. [ Turns him about.
Bel. Indeed I do but yet she's dead, they say.
Char. How came she dead ?
Bel. I kill'd her ask no more, but leave me.
[ Turns him about again.
Char. Sir, this is Madman's Language, and not to be
believed.
Bel. Go to y'are a saucy Boy.
Char. Sir, I'm an angry Boy
But yet can bear much from a Brother's Mouth ;
Y'ave lost your sleep : pray, Sir, go home and seek it.
Bel. Home ! I have no Home, unless thou mean'st my
Grave,
And thither I cou'd wish thou wou'd conduct me. \_Weeps.
Flaunt. Pray Heaven this young virtuous Fellow don't
spoil all.
Sir, shall I send for a Scrivener to draw the Settlement
you promis'd me ?
Bel. Do so, and I'll order him to get it ready.
Char. A Settlement ! On whom ? This Woman, Sir ?
Bel. Yes, on this Woman, Sir.
Char. Are you stark mad ? Know you where you are ?
Bel. Yes, in a Baudy-house.
Char. And this Woman, Sir.
Bel. A very Whore a tawdry mercenary Whore !
And what of this ?
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 71
Char. And can you love her, Sir ?
Bel. No, if I did, I wou'd not gratify her.
Char. What, is't in Charity to keep her honest?
Bel. Neither.
Char. Is your Lust grown so high
Bel. Take that [Strikes him.
For naming but so base a thing to me.
Char. I wear a Sword, but not to draw on Mad-men.
But since y'are so free, Sir, I demand that Fortune, which
by my Father's Will y'are bound to pay the day after
your Wedding-Day; my Sister's too is due.
Bel. Ha, ha, ha, Sir Timothy, come hither who dost
think this is ?
Sir Tim. A Fidler, perhaps let him play in the next
Room.
Bel. No, my Brother come to demand his Portion of
me ; he says I am in leud Company, and, like a Boy, he
wou'd correct me.
Sir Tim. Why, this comes of Idleness; thou should'st
have bound him Prentice in time, the Boy would have made
a good saucy Taylor.
Char. Sirrah, y'are a Rascal, whom I must thus chas
tise. [Kicks him.
[ They all draw, and Bellmour stands foremost, and fights
with Charles ; the Women run squeaking out, Sir Tim.
Sham, and Sharp sneak behind; Trusty interposes.
Trust. Hold, hold, I beseech you, my dear Masters !
Oh, what a fight is this ? Two Brothers fighting with each
other ! Oh, were my old Master alive, this wou'd break
his Heart : Oh, Sir, you've kill'd your Brother !
Bel. Why, then his Portion'spaid. [Charles/* wounded.
Sir Tim. How, kill'd ! Nay, 'tis time we departed then,
and shifted for ourselves. \_Ex. 5/rTim. Sham and Sharp.
Trust. Oh, Sir, shall I send for a Chyrurgion ?
Char. No, for a Coach rather, I am not wounded much.
[Ex. Trusty.
72 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT v
Bel. How dar'st thou trust thy self alone with me ?
Char. Why should I fear thee ?
Bel. Because I'm mad,
Mad as a Tygress rob'd of her dear Young.
Char. What is't that makes you so ?
Bel. My Uncle's Politicks, Hell take him for't,
Has ruin'd me, thou and my Sister too,
By marrying me to a fair hated Maid,
When I had plighted all my Faith before.
Enter Trusty.
Trust. Sir, here's a Coach.
Char. Come, Brother, will you go home with me ?
Bel. Home ! no, never to that place thou call's': so.
If, when I'm dead, thou wouldst behold thy Brother,
And take the last Adieu from his cold Lips,
(If those so perjur'd can deserve that kindness)
Inquire for lost Celinda, at whose Feet
Thou shalt behold me fall'n a Sacrifice.
Till then, I'll let mistaken Parents know
The mischiefs that ensue a broken Vow. [Ex. severally.
ACT V.
SCENE I. Covent Garden.
Enter Betty Flauntit alone.
Flaunt. Sure I rose the wrong way to day, I have had
such damn'd ill luck every way : First, to be sent for to
such a Man as this Bellmour, and, as the Devil wou'd have
it, to find my Knight there ; then to be just upon the
Point of making my Fortune, and to be interrupted by
that virtuous Brother of his ; then to have a Quarrel happen,
that (before I could whisper him in the Ear, to say so much
as, Meet me here again anon) forc'd me to quit the
House, lest the Constable had done it for me ; then that
that silly Baud should discover all to my Cully. If this be
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 73
not ill Luck, the Devil's in't But Driver must bring
matters about, that I may see this liberal Squire again
But here comes my Noddy, I must pretend to be angry.
Enter Sir Timothy.
Sir Tim. Lord, Lord, how ye look now, as if you had
committed no Misdemeanour : Alas, good Innocent, what
canst thou say for thy self, thou Renegado thou, for being
false to my Bosom, say ?
Flaunt, False to your Bosom ! You silly impudent Sot
__you who dares accuse me ?
Sir Tim. E'en your trusty and well-beloved Friend,
Mrs. Driver the Baud.
Flaunt. She ! She's an impudent confounded Lyar
and because she wou'd have your worshipful Custom
scandaliz'd me, to breed a difference between us.
Sir Tim. Ay, if you could make me believe that indeed,
when she knew me not, nor ever saw me all the Days of
her Life before.
Flaunt. I know that, Simpleton ; but when I went to
enquire for you by your Name, and told her my Bus'ness,
our Amours are not kept so secret, nor was she so dull,
as not to understand how matters went between us.
Sir Tim. Now though I know this to be a damn'd Lye,
yet the Devil has assisted her to make it look so like Truth,
that I cannot in Honour but forgive her.
Flaunt. Forgive me! Who shall forgive you your
debauch'd Whoring and Drinking ? marry, ye had need
so, you are such a Ruffler, at least if y'are every where as
you are at home with me No, Sirrah, I'll never bed with
you more ; here I live sneaking without a Coach, or any
thing to appear withal ; when even those that were scanda
lous two Ages ago, can be seen in Hide-Park in their fine
Chariots, as if they had purchas'd it with a Maidenhead ;
whilst I, who keep myself intirely for you, can get nothing
but the Fragments of your Debauches I'll be damn'd
before I'll endure it.
74 THE TowN-Fop,- OR, [ACT v
Sir Tim. Just as the Baud said ; yet I am mollify'd
nay, dear Betty, forgive me, and I'll be very good for the
future.
Flaunt. Will you swear to be so ?
Sir Tim. Ay, by Fortune, I will.
Flaunt. Come, what will you give me then to be Friends?
for you won Money last Night.
Sir Tim. Ay, that's it that appeases her highest Storms
here, my Jewel, here's a hundred Guineas to buy thee
fine things.
Flaunt. Yes, great store of fine things indeed, with this
pitiful Sum ; let me feel in your Pockets, and see if you
have no more. [She feels in his Pockets.
Sir Tim. So, 'twas well I laid by the rest, my Peace
had not been made under every Rag on't else ; and what
I was painfully cheating for all this Night, would have been
laid out at the Mercers and Lacemans in half an Hour.
Well, are you satisfy'd I have no more ?
Flaunt. Have you sunk none indeed and indeed, my
Tim my ?
Sir Tim. No, I need not, you sink mine fast enough,
I thank ye. [Aside.
Flaunt. Well, get your self ready to go abroad with me.
[Exit Flaunt.
Sir Tim. I have other Matters in hand now have I
four hundred Guineas in Bank, which I won last Night
of Bellmour, which I'll make use of to debauch his Sister,
with whom I'm damnably in love, and long for the return
of my two Setting-dogs, to bring me News of the Game.
Enter Sham and Sharp.
Oh, are you come ?
Sham. Ay, Sir, with News worth the hearing; I have
been diligent, Sir, and got my self acquainted with the old
Steward of the Family, an avaricious Judas, that will betray
for Gold.
sc. i] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 75
Sir Tim. And that we'll furnish him with his Mas
ter's Gold, 'like all other mortal things, must return from
whence it came.
Sharp. Not all, Sir; for Shamnndl have dispos'd of part.
Sir Tim. Indeed you are a little shabby.
Sham. Ay, Sir, Fools were made to repair the Breaches
of us that have Wit enough to manage 'em.
Sir Tim. What the Goldsmith paid the Money at
sight, without demanding why ?
Sharp. Readily, Sir he's a brave Fellow, and must not
be lost so.
Sham. By no means, we must make use of him whilst
he is hot ; for I doubt the Humour is not natural, and I
fear he may cool.
Sir Tim. But to our Business.
Sharp. Ay, Sir, this same Sister of his you must have ;
if it be but to put this insolent Whore Flauntit out of
favour, who manages this Fop intirely. \_Aside.
Sir Tim. Ay, but art thou sure there is no danger in this
Enterprize ? Shall I not have my Throat cut? and the rest.
Sham. We have none of that Italian Humour now-a-
days, I can assure ye ; they will sooner, with a brotherly
kindness, assist the yielding Sister to the willing Gallant.
Sir Tim. A good thriving Inclination, by Fortune.
Sham. And, Sir, you have all Encouragement; her
Brother, you heard, refus'd to pay her Portion, and you
know the Fate of a handsom young Wench in this Town,
that relies on weak Virtue Then because she is in the
House with her Uncle, this same Steward has contriv'd
matters so, to bring you in at the Back-door, her Lodgings
being in the Garden.
Sir Tim. This is something Oh, I'm impatient to be
with her Well, I must in, and make some Lye to Betty
for my Absence, and be with you presently. [ExitSirTim.
Sharp. What Design hast thou in hand ? for I suppose
there is no such real thing as debauching of this Lady.
j6 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT v
Sham. Look ye, Sharp, take to thee an implicit Faith,
and believe Impossibilities; for thou and I must cozen
this Knight.
Sharp. What, our Patron ?
Sham. Ay, Sharp, we are bound to labour in our
Callings, but mum here he comes.
Enter Sir Timothy.
Sir Tim. Come, let's away, my Lyoness begins to roar.
You, Sharpy go seek after Bellmour, watch his Motions,
and give us notice. \_Exeunt.
Flaunt. He is gone, and I believe [Betty Flauntit peep
ing out.] for no Goodness; I'll after him, and watch him.
[Exit cross the Stage.
SCENE II. Lord Plotwell's House.
Enter Lord Plotwell, Charles, Trusty, and two Servants.
Lord. In a Baudy-house, with Whores, Hectors, and
Dice ! Oh, that I should be so deceiv'd in Mankind, he
whom I thought all Virtue and Sobriety ! But go some
of you immediately, and take Officers along with you,
and remove his Quarters from a Baudy-house to a Prison :
charge him with the Murder of his Wife.
Char. My Lord, when I demanded her, he said indeed
that she was dead, and kill'd by him ; but this I guess
was the Effects of Madness, which Debauchery, and want
of Sleep has brought him to.
Lord. That shall be try'd ; go to the Place where
Charles has directed you, and do as I command you.
\_Ex. Servants.
Oh, sweet Diana, in whom I had plac'd my absolute
Delight,
And gave thee to this Villain, because I wish'd thee happy.
And are my Expectations fall'ii to this?
Upon his Wedding Night to abandon thee,
And shew his long dissembled natural Leudness!
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 77
Char. My Lord, I hope, 'tis not his natural Temper ;
For e'er we parted, from a brutal Rudeness,
He grew to all the Softness Grief could dictate.
He talkt of breach of Vows, of Death, and Ruin,
And dying at the Feet of a wrong'd Maid ;
I know not what he meant.
Lord. Ay, there's his Grief; there is some jilting Hussy
has drawn him in ; but I'll revenge my self on both.
Enter Page.
Page. A Letter for your Lordship.
Lord reads.
My LORD,
AS your Goodness has been ever great towards me, so I
humbly beseech you to continue it ; and the greatest Proofs you
can give me of /V, is to use all your Interest to undo that tye
between Bellmour and my self^ which with such Joy you
knit. I will say no more, but as you love my Life^ and my
iearer Honour^ get a Divorce^ or you will see both ruined in
Tour Diana.
[Gives Charles the Letter.
Lord. A Divorce ! yes, if all my Interest or Estate
can purchase it some Joy yet that thou art well.
Char. Doubtless her Reasons must be great for this
Lequest.
Lord. Yes, for she lov'd him passionately ; when I
irst told her of my Designs to marry 'em together, she
could not hide her Joy ; which was one Motive, I urg'd
it to him with such Violence.
Char. Persons so near of Kin do seldom prosper in
the Marriage-Bed.
Lord. However 'tis, I now think fit to unmarry 'em ;
And as for him, I'll use him with what Rigor
"he utmost Limits of the Law allows me.
Char. Sir, I beseech you
Lord. You beseech me ! You, the Brother of the
7 8 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT v
Villain ! that has abus'd the best of all my Hopes !
No, I think I shall grow (for his sake) to hate all that
belong to him.
Char. Sir, how, have I offended ?
Lord. Yes, Sir, you have offended me, and Nature has
offended me ; you are his Brother, and that's an Offence
to me.
Char. Is that a Fault, my Lord ?
Lord. Yes, Sir, a great one, and I'll have it so; and
let me tell you, you nor your Sister (for that reason) must
expect no more Friendship at my Hands, than from those
that are absolute Strangers to you : Your Brother has
refus'd you your Portions, and I'll have as little Mercy
as he, and so farewel to you But where's the Messenger
that brought the Letter ?
Page. Without, my Lord. \_Ex. Lord and Page.
Trust. Here's like to be a hopeful end of a noble
Family. My Comfort is, I shall die with Grief, and not
see the last of ye. [JFeeps.
Char. No, Trusty, I have not been so meanly educated,
but I know how to live, and like a Gentleman : All that
afflicts me in this Misfortune, is my dear Sister Phillis,
she's young ; and to be left poor in this loose Town, will
ruin her for ever.
Trust. Sir, I think we were best to marry her out of
the way.
Char. Marry her ! To whom ? who is't regards poor
Virtue?
Trust. For that let me alone ; and if you dare trust
her to my Management, I'll undertake to marry her to a
Man of 2OOO /. a Year; and if it fail, I'll be sure to
keep her Honour safe.
Char. Prithee how wilt do this ?
Trust. Sir, I have serv'd your Family these thirty
Years, with Faith and Love ; and if I lose my Credit now,
I'll never pretend to't more.
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 79
Char. Do what thou wilt, for I am sure thou'rt honest,
And I'll resign my Sister to thy Conduct,
Whilst I endeavour the Conversion of my Brother.
[Exit Charles.
Enter Phillis.
Phil. No News yet of my Brother ?
Trust. None : The Next you'll hear is, that he's
undone, and that you must go without your Portions ;
and worse than that, I can tell you, your Uncle designs
to turn you out of Doors.
Phil. Alas ! what shou'd I do, if he shou'd be so
cruel ? Wou'd I were in Flanders at my Monastery again,
if this be true.
Trust. I have better Bus'ness for you, than telling of
Beads No, Mrs. Phillis^ you must be married.
Phil. Alas ! I am too young, and sad for Love.
Trust. The younger, and the less Love, the better.
Enter Page.
Page. Mr. Trusty, here's a Gentleman would speak with
you, he says his Name's Mr. Sham.
Trust. Gud's me, Mistress, put on all your Holiday
Looks; for this is the little Merchant of Love by Retail,
that brings you the Husband I promis'd you.
Enter Sham.
Sham. Well, Mr. Trusty ', I have brought Sir Timothy ',
as I promis'd, he is at the Garden-door.
Trust. The best time in the World, my Lord's out of
the way.
Sham. But you know our Conditions.
Trust. Yes, that if he marry her, you are to have all
the Money that he offers to debauch her.
Sham. Right.
Trust. Bring him in then, and I'll civilly withdraw.
[Exit Trusty.
8o THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT v
Enter Sham, bringing in Sir Timothy.
Sir Tim. Well, Sham, thou hast prepar'd all things, and
there needs no Ceremony.
Sham. None, none, Sir ; you may fall down-right to
the Business. [Exit.
Enter Phillis.
Sir Tim. sings.
Come, my Phillis, let us improve
Both our Joys of equal Love ;
Whilst we in yonder shady Grove,
Count Minutes by our Kisses.
Phil. What sort of Courtship's this? 'tis very odd !
Sir Tim. Pox on formal Fops ; we have high-born and
generous Souls, and scorn the common Road Come, let's
enjoy, whilst Youth and Beauty lasts.
Phil. What means this Rudeness ? I'll tell my Brother.
Sir Tim. Your Brother ! by Fortune, he's so leud,that
should I be so unconscionable to leave thee a Virgin but
this Night, he wou'd ravish thee himself,and thatat cheaper
Rates than I design to do it.
Phil. How dare you talk to me at this rate ?
Sir Tim. Talk to thee by Fortune, I'll play the Tar-
quin with thee, if thou yieldest not quickly for thou hast
set me all on fire.
Phil. Defend me, Heaven, from such a Man.
Sir Tim. Then it miist defend you from all the Sex ;
for all Mankind are like me, nay, and all Womankind are,
or wou'd be, what I must make thee.
Phil. What's that, a Wench ?
Sir Tim. Fie, fie, that's a gross Name ; no, a Miss, that's
the Word a Lady of Delight, a Person of Pleasure and
the rest ; I'll keep thee, not a Woman of Quality shall
be half so fine Come, dear Phillis, yield. Oh, I am mad
for the happy hour come, say the word, 'tis but inclin
ing thy Head a little thus, thy pretty Eyes down, and thy
sc. n] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 81
Cheeks all Blushes, and fetching a long Sigh thus with
do what you please at the end on't and I shall take
it for granted.
Phil. That, Sir, you'll never hear me say to any thing
but a Husband, if I must say it then.
Sir Tim. A Husband ! it is enough to spoil a Man's
Appetite, the very naming on't By Fortune, thou hast
been bred with thy great Grand-mother, some old Queen
Elizabeth Lady, that us'd to preach Warnings to young
Maidens ; but had she liv'd in this Age, she wou'd have
repented her Error, especially had she seen the Sum that
I offer thee Come, let's in, by Fortune, I'm so vigorous,
I shall ravish else.
Phil. Unhand me, or I'll call out. I assure you, this is
not the way to gain me.
Sir Tim. I know there is a way to gain all mortal
Womankind ; but how to hit the critical Minute of the
Berjere
Phil. It is past your Politicks at this time, Sir.
Sir Tim. I'll try all ways, and the Devil's in it, if I
don't hit upon the right at last. \_/lside.
All the soft things I've said
Phil. That a Knight of your Parts ought to say.
Sir Tim. Then I havekneel'd and cry 'd, and swore
and
Phil. And damn'd your self five hundred times.
Sir Tim. Yet still y'are impregnable I'll make another
Proposition to you, which is both reasonable and modish
if it prove a Boy I'll marry you the Devil's in't, if that
be not fair.
Phil. You get no earnest of me, Sir, and so farewel
to you. \Ex. Phillis.
Enter Sham.
Sir Tim. Oh, Sham, I am all over fire, mad to enjoy.
I have done what Man can do (without doing what I
wou'd do) and still she's Flint; nothing will down with
III G
82 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT v
her but Matrimony what shall I do ? for thou know'st I
cannot marry a Wife without a Fortune.
Sham. Sir, you know the old Cheat ; hire a Lay Rascal
in a Canonical Habit, and put a false Marriage upon her.
Sir Tim. Lord, that this shou'd not enter into my Cox
comb before ! haste then and get one I'll have it done
immediately, whilst I go after her to keep up my flame.
[Ex. Sir Tim.
Sham. And I will fit you with a Parson presently. \_Ex.
SCENE III. A Street.
Enter Friendlove diiguiid as before.
Friend. I find Diana knows me not ; and this Year's
absence, since I first made my Addresses to her, has alter'd
me much, or she has lost the remembrance of a Man, whom
she ever disesteem'd till in this lucky Dress : the price of
her Favour is Bel/mourns Life. I need not have been brib'd
for that, his Breach of Faith both to my Sister and my
self, enough incites me to Revenge He has not yet enjoy 'd
her, that Blessing is reserv'd for me alone ; and though
the Priest have joyn'd 'em, that Marriage may be dis-
annull'd, and she has a Fortune sufficient to excuse her
other Faults.
Enter Bellmour sad.
Hah ! the Man I seek so near my Lodgings too Sir !
Be!. Sir!
Friend. Traitor ! thou know'st me, and my bus'ness.
Look on this Face, if thou dar'st look on him
Whom thou hast doubly wrong'd and draw thy Sword.
Bel. Thou should'st be Friendlove, Brother to Celinda.
Friend. And Lover of Diana too Oh, quickly draw,
Or I shall leave thee, like a Coward, dead.
Bel. No, rather like a Sacrifice, [Offers to embrace him.
And thou should'st be the Priest should offer it ;
sc. in] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 83
But that I have yet,
For some few moments, business for my Life.
Friend. I can allow no time for business now,
My Injuries are in haste, and so am I.
Bel. Shou'dst thou stab here a thousand gaping Wounds,
Upon this false, this perjur'd Heart of mine,
It wou'd not part with Life, unless 'twere laid
Near to the Sacred Altar of my Vows,
Low at the Feet of my fair injur'd Wife.
Friend. Ha! means he his Wife ? \_Aside.
Canst thou repent thy Injuries to her,
And leave the rest of all thy Sins neglected ?
Bel. Those I have done to thee, though foul and bar
barous,
May plead the Excuse of Force but those to her,
Not thou, nor I, nor she, or Heav'n can pardon.
Friend. Heav'ns !
My Sister's Wrongs, and mine, may plead Excuse,
But those to her alone can ne'er be pardon'd.
This place, Sir, is too open come with me,
For I've desir'd, and now resolve to kill thee.
Bel. And so thou shalt ; defenceless, I will yield,
And leave my Bosom open to thy Sword.
But first conduct me to my Wife ;
For I will see her nor can I die unpardon'd.
Friend. See his Wife ! Of whom do you demand her.
Bel. Of thee ! dar'st thou detain me ? [Offers to go in.
Friend. Death ! how shou'd he know she's here ?
[Aside,
Stay, Sir, this way our Business lies. [Pulls him back.
Bel. I ask not thine, but mine lies only this way.
[Offers to go in again.
Friend. By Heav'n, you shall not enter here,
Bel. I know thou lov'st her.
And 'tis with Reason thou deny'st an Entrance
To one so much unworthy to approach her.
84 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT v
Friend. Yes, I do love her, and dare own it too;
And will defend her from one so base and treacherous.
Bel. Who dares deny thy Reasons?
Friend. Sh' has made me take an Oath, to fight with
thee ;
And every Wound my lucky Sword shou'd make,
She bad me say, was sent thee from her Hate.
Bel. Oh, I believe thee : prithee tell on, young Man,
That I may die without the aid of Wounds.
Friend. To break thy Heart, know then, she loves
another,
And has took back the Vows she made to thee,
And given 'em to a Man more worthy of 'em.
Bel. Alas ! I credit thee yet then, by Heav'n, she's
false !
And I will know, why 'tis she is thus perjur'd.
[Offers to go.
Nay, now nor Heaven, nor Hell, shall hinder me.
Stand off, or to the number I'll add one Sin more,
And make my Passage to it through thy Heart.
Friend. And so you shall, Sir.
[ They fight y Bellmour disarms Friend, and runs in.
Disarm'd ! by Heav'n, you shall not so escape
A Rage that is too just here to give o'er.
SCENE IV. Changes to the Inside 0/"Friendlove's Lodgings.
Enter Celinda, as before^ met by Nurse.
Nur. Oh, Madam, here's Mr. Bellmour; hehaswounded
my young Master, who deny'd him Entrance, and is come
into the House, and all in Rage demands his Wife.
Gel. Oh Heav'n ! Demands his Wife ! Is that sad Curse
Added to all the rest ? Does he then love her ?
Enter Bellmour with two Swords.
Nur. Whither do you press, Sir ? and what's your
business ?
sc. iv] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 85
Bel. To see my Wife, my Wife, Impertinence ;
And must I meet with nought but Opposition ?
[Pushes her roughly away.
Gel. Let him come in.
Nur. Marry, he lets himself in, I thank him.
Cel. What Man art thou thus cover'd o'er with Horror ?
Bel. One sent from Hell to punish Perjury !
Where's this perfidious Fair? this blushless Maid,
That has by my Example broke her Vows?
A Precedent that Fiends wou'd shame to follow.
Cel. Who is't you mean, Sir?
Bel. A thing that has no Name, she is so bad ;
One who so lately gave her self to me,
And now is flown into another's Arms :
One that attacks my Life, for the same Sins
Which she her self commits and thinks to live too.
Yet still she is my Wife, whom I have injur'd :
Till when, she was a Saint come, lead me to her,
Though she be false as I, yet I'll forgive it.
[ Throws by the Swords.
Cel. Heav'ns ! he repents his Cruelty to her,
And never mentions me ! Ah then 'tis time to die.
And that I may be sure of Death [Aside.
Well, Sir, I will conduct this happy Lady to you. [Ex. Cel.
Bel. Gods ! Happy ! whilst I am wretched.
Oh, what an Ague chills my shivering Limbs,
Turns my hot Rage to softest Love, and Shame !
Were I not here to die here at her Feet,
I wou'd not stand the Shock of her Reproaches.
But yet she need not speak, a Look's sufficient
To call up all my Sins to my undoing
She comes Oh Heav'n ! she comes
Enter Celinda and Diana.
Like penitent Criminals thus with my Eyes declin'd,
I bow my Head down, for the last sad Blow. [Stands bow^d.
86 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT v
Cel. Sir, in Obedience to your Commands,
I've brought the Lady.
Dia. How ! The perfidious Bellmour!
The only Object of my Hate and Scorn.
Bel. Say on, my angry Deity [Kneels.
Whilst I thus trembling hear my fatal Doom,
Like Sinners, conscious ne'er to be forgiven,
I dare not lift my guilty Eyes towards Heaven.
Cel. Can I hear this, and yet retain my Life?
Dia. Had I but two days since beheld this Youth
Thus prostrate at my Feet, I should have thought
My self more blest,
Than to have been that Deity he calls me.
Enter Friendlove.
Friend. Defend me! The Traitor here ! And at Diana's
Feet!
The fittest Altar for my Sacrifice !
Turn, turn, from what thoulov'st, and meet my Justice.
Cel. Oh, hold, my dearest Brother.
[Bellmour rises^ and turns about.
Bel. Nay, now I'm ready for the welcome Sword,
Since my Gelindas false, and cannot pardon.
Cel. Oh, do not die with that profane Opinion.
Celinda false ! or cannot pardon thee !
Dia. Stay, generous Sir, my Pity has forgiven him.
Bel. Thou ! Why, who art thou Diana ?
Dia. Yes, that Diana^
Whom, maugre all the Penitence thou shew'st,
Can scarce forgive the Injuries thou hast done her.
Bel. I shew a Penitence for injuring thee !
By Heav'n, I never cou'd do one, or other ;
All that I am is the divine CeKnda's.
Friend. He's stark mad ! [Aside.
Bel. But since she cannot pardon, I can die.
[Offers to fall on his Sword.
sc. iv] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 87
Cel. Canst thou not credit me ? She pardons thee.
Live and enjoy Diana. \_Turns her Face from him.
Bel. What art thou, who know'st her Heart so well?
Art thou my Rival ? the blessed Youth, to whom
She has given her Vows ? Live, and enjoy, Diana !
Yes, yes, thou art my Rival, and I'll kill thee.
Cel. Do, whilst I meet thy Sword. [Opens her Arms,
Diana stays him ; he lets fall his Sword, and gazes.
Bel. Dull dull Adorer ! Not to know my Saint.
Oh, how I have profan'd ! To what strange Idol
Was that I kneel'd,
Mistaking it for a Divinity?
Cel. To your fair Wife Diana.
Bel. Oh cruel Maid !
Has Heav'n design'd me any but Celinda ?
Dia. Maid ! Bless me ! did I then love a Woman ?
I am pleas'd thou should'st renounce me ; make it good,
And set me free from Fetters which I hate.
Bel. If all our Laws can do't, I will for here
Ends all my Claim. [To Celinda.
Friend. Was this the Wife you did demand of me?
Bel. Yes, I had no other.
Dia. Fair Maid ! forgive me all my shameful Passion,
And charge my Fault upon your Beauty only.
Cel. Excellent Creature ! I shou'd sue for that,
Which my Deceit will never make me hope.
Bel. And art thou true to Love, and all thy Vows ?
Whilst I to save my Fortune,
(That only which cou'd make me merit thee)
Gave my unwilling Hand to this fair noble Maid.
Ah, Friendlove, when thou hear'st my Story told,
Thou wilt forgive, and pity me.
Dia. What was't you said, Sir? Friendlovel
Friend. Yes, Madam, I hope the Name can make no
difference ;
Or hate that still, so you but love the Man.
88 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT v
Dia. Though I'm again defeated, yet this last
Proves least offensive ; nor shall an empty Word
Alter my fix'd Resolves, to love you still.
Friend. Then I am blest !
Bel. But yet the Office of the Priest has past :
What Remedy for that?
Dia. My Uncle's Pow'r, the Nearness of our Blood,
The Contradiction of our Circumstances.
Bel. And above all that, my Contract with Celinda.
Methinks I feel a Joy spread o'er my Heart,
The blessed Omen of approaching Happiness.
Cel. I do believe thee ; for by Sympathy,
Mine takes new Fire and Hope.
Dia. I have already writ to my Uncle, and the Mes
senger assur'd me, he would gratify my Desires ; that done,
I will be yours. [T0 Friendlove.
Bel. But why thus drest ? it might have led my Rage,
Full of Despair and Jealousy to have hurt thee.
Cel. Sir, when the Letter came of your being married,
I will not tell you all the Effects it had
Upon my desperate Soul;
But this I know, I had resolv'd to die,
But first to see you. Your Page inform'd the Nurse
All that had past, and of the last Night's Ball ;
And much concern'd, she got this Habit for me,
And inform'd me how 'twas I was to act,
And that my Brother (describing of his Dress) was gone
before.
This made me haste, lest e'er I came
His Rage had done the Business which it went for.
Friend. And so it had, hadst thou not hinder'd me;
For I, Sir, was the Man who drew on you.
Bel. And was it thou that didst defend my Heart,
That I might live to pay thy Goodness back?
Cel. It was to save your Life, and to expose my own.
Dia. Come, let's in, and consult what's best for us to do.
sc. iv] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 89
Bel. Come, my Celinda.
Let us no longer doubt, the Pow'rs above
Will be propitious to united Love. \_Ex. Cel.
Enter Servant.
Serv. Sir, my Lord Plotwell is at the Door in his Coach.
Dia. My Uncle come ! Sir, we will not doubt our
Fortune.
But how came he to know of my being here ?
Serv. Madam, I fear he follow'd me after I had given
him the Letter.
Enter Lord Plotwell, Charles, Trusty.
Lord. Bellmour and Diana kneeling !
[Bel. and Diana kneel.
Rise ; the Joy I have to see you thus, makes me
Resolve to grant you any thing, and pardon
All that's past.
Bel. Be not so hasty in your Goodness, Sir,
Lest you repent as fast.
Dia. Sir, we have an humble Suit to you.
Lord. What is it ye can jointly ask, I will not grant?
Dia. By all that Love you ever had for me,
By all those Infant Charms which us'd to please you,
When on your Lap you taught my Tongue that Art
Which made those dear Impressions on your Heart,
Which ever since to my Advantage grew,
I do conjure you hear me now I sue,
And grant the mighty Grace I beg of you.
Lord. What is it you wou'd ask ?
Bel. Oh, dress your Face and Eyes in gentler Looks,
If you wou'd have us hope for any Mercy.
Lord. Rise, and whate'er you ask, I'll freely grant.
Dia. That you'll undo that Knot, that ties us two.
Lord. How ! this Request from thee ! who lov'd him
once,
And wish'd no good beyond possessing him.
90 THE TowN-Fop; OR, [ACT v
Dia. Heav'n has not, Sir, decreed us for each other :
Something of Fate or Chance
Has otherwise dispos'd those first Resolves.
Lord. Too virtuous Maid, I know thou dost but feign,
His Wickedness has forc'd thee to this change.
Dia. No, Sir, were he the only Man
Of kind and good, I never wou'd be his.
And if you shou'd compel me, I shou'd live
The infamous Reproach of my whole Sex.
Lord. Well, and you, Sir, that are the cause of this,
What canst thou say to move me for thy Pardon ?
Bel. I am so guilty in your Opinion,
My Prayers wou'd but make you merciless ;
I only say Celinda is my Wife,
And I shou'd injure this too generous Maid,
Not to adore her equal to her Merit.
Lord. I see, Sir, you have found your Wits again.
Well, I see there's no opposing Destiny ;
And I have still such tenderness for thee, [ To Dia.
That hadst thou pleaded his Cause to me before,
I shou'd have been less cruel to him.
Where is that Lady which you so admire,
Whose Beauty does eclipse that of Diana ?
Bellmour goes out, and brings in Celinda.
Dia. This, Sir, is she who merits more than I.
Lord. She's fair indeed ; here, Frank^
I give thee thy Celinda, whose Beauty
Excuses all thy Faults of Disobedience.
Bel. Thus low, I thankyou for this Goodness, Sir, [Kneels.
Lord. There only wants the Ceremony of the Law to
undo what's between youand Diana y \fshe remain a Virgin.
Bel. For me, by Heav'n she is ;
And for the rest, I do not doubt her Virtue.
Dia. You may believe him, Sir ; and this alone's the
Man, in whom I will, or never will be happy.
sc. iv] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 91
Lord. Mr. Frlendlovel I give Consent to't, he has a
noble Character ; and what he wants in Fortune, has in
Virtue take her, young Man.
Friend. 'Tis such an Honour, Sir, that my Gratitude,
without the mighty Passion I have for her, would make
me ever thankful.
Lord. This Term, we shall make the former Marriage
void ; till then love on, and fear no Frowns from Fortune
but Nephew now I hope your Brother shall have his
Portion.
Bel. My dearest Charles, forgive me all that's past,
And share the Fortune Heaven has given thy Brother.
Char. The Joy I have, Sir, to be undeceived,
Is much the greatest Blessing Heav'n can send me.
Enter Sir Timothy, followed by Phillis, Sham, Sharp,
and Betty Flauntit.
Sir Tim. I am pursu'cl by two impertinent Women ;
prithee, Friendlove, tell 'em I am gone out at the Back
door, and send 'em away.
Lord. What's the News here ?
Sir Tim. How, Celinda here, and Bellmour too! Nay,
now wou'd I compound for my Life, at any rate, by
Fortune.
Phil. Sir, this Villain here has abus'd me, and with a
false Marriage has rob'd me of my Honour.
Bel. How!
Sir Tim. My Lord, I say this young Jilt would have
rob'd me of my self; and courting her, and enjoying her
only for a Miss, would persuade me I am married to her.
Flaunt. Sir, I say, I am doubly wrong'd ; first by this
false Knight, who has belong'd to me this three Years,
which gives me a right to him, as good as if I were married
to him ; who has now unlawfully left my Bed, for that of
this Gilflurt, who, on the other side, takes away my Knight,
and consequently eats the Bread out of my Mouth.
92 THE TowN-Fop ; OR, [ACT v
Bel. What means all this ?
Speak some of ye that know.
Flaunt. Oh Lord ! Who's here? The fine Squire? [Aside.
Trust. Sir Timothy Tawdry, Sir, is married to Mrs. Phillis.
Sir Tim. How can that be a Marriage, when he who
join'd us, was but a hired Fellow, dress'd like a Parson ?
Trust. Sir, 'twas Parson Tickletext that marry'd 'em.
Sir Tim. Oh, what a damn'd lying Pimp is this! Sham^
didst thou not hire a Fellow, (because I was damnably in
Love, and in haste) to marry us, that was no Parson ?
Sham. Why, truly, Sir I did go to hire such a one
Sir Tim. Look ye there now.
Sham. But cou'd meet with none ; and because you said
you shou'd die if you enjoy'd her not presently, and that
she would not yield on any other Terms, but those of
Marriage, I e'en brought the Parson that Trusty had pro
vided for you.
Sir Tim. Oh Villain, to betray me ! and for no Reward !
Trust. Yes, indeed, Sir, the four hundred Guineas you
left behind my young Mistress's Looking-glass fell to his
share.
Sir Tim. What's my Money gone ! and I am marry'd too !
This 'tis not to use to go to Church ; for then I might
have chanc'd to know the Parson.
Bel. Death, you Dog ! you deserve to die, for your base
Designs upon a Maid of her Quality How durst you,
Sister, without my leave, marry that Rascal?
Phil. Sir, you deny'd me my Portion, and my Uncle
design'd to turn me out of doors, and in my Despair I
accepted of him.
Flaunt. Married ! and to a Wife of no Fortune ! that's
the worst part on't what shall I do ?
Bel. Renounce this leud Fool, and I'll make thee a
Fortune suitable to thy Quality.
Sir Tim. Say you so ? Renounce me, Sir ! I'd have you
to know I merit her : And as for Leudness, I name no
sc. iv] SIR TIMOTHY TAWDREY 93
body, Bellmour but only some have the Art of hiding
it better than I but for Whoring, Drinking, Dicing,
and all the deadly Sins that thereupon depend, I thank
my Stars, I come short of you : And since you say, I shall
not have you Sister, by Fortune, I will have your Sister,
and love your Sister, and lie with your Sister, in spite of you.
Lord. Well, Sir Timothy, since my Niece has done amiss,
'tis too late to mend it and that you may not repent,
I'll take care her Fortune shall be suitable to the Jointure
you'll make her.
Bel. With this Proviso, that you make no Settlement
to Misses, Sir Timothy I am not so unreasonable to tie
you up from all of that Profession ; that were to spoil a
fashionable Husband, and so put you quite out of Fop-road.
Lord. This Day we'll set apart for Mirth,
And all must make my House their happy home.
Bel. To thee, Celinda ! all my Good I owe, "j
My Life, my Fortune, and my Honour too,
Since all had perish'd by a broken Vow. J
Flaunt. What, am I like to lose my Tlmmy ? Canst thou
have the Heart to leave me for ever ? I who have been true
and constant to you ?
Sir Tim. Alas ! now I must melt again, by Fortune
thou art a Fool, dost think I wou'd have had her, but for
her Fortune? which shall only serve to make thee out-flaunt
all the Cracks in Town go go home and expect me,
thou'lt have me all to thy self within this Day or two :
Since Marriage but a larger Licence is
For every Fop of Mode to keep a Miss.
(94)
EPILOGUE.
Spoken by Sir Timothy Tawdrey.
SIR Timothy, Gallants, at last is come
To know his Sentence, and receive his Doom,
But pray before you are resolved to be
Severe, look on your selves, and then on me ;
Observe me well, I am a Man of Show,
Of Noise, and Nonsense, as are most of you.
Though all of you don't share with me in Title,
In Character you differ very little.
Tell me in what you find a Difference ?
It may be you will say, you're Men of Sense ;
But Faith
Were one of you o^th 1 Stage, and I i'th? Pit,
He might be thought the Fop, and I the Wit.
On equal Grounds you II scarce know one from t'other ;
We are as like, as Brother is to Brother.
To judge against me then wou'd be Ill-Nature,
For Men are kind to those they're like in Feature.
For Judges therefore I accept you all ;
By you, Sir Timothy will stand or fall.
He's too faint-hearted that his Sentence fears,
Who has the Honour to be try'd by's Peers.
Written by Mr. E. R.
THE FALSE COUNT.
(97)
ARGUMENT.
DON CARLOS, Governor of Cadiz, who has been contracted to Julia, now
married to a rich old churl, Francisco, in order to gain her, mans a galley,
which has been captured from the Turks, with some forty or fifty attendants
disguised as ferocious Ottomans ; and whilst she, her husband and a party
of friends are taking a pleasure trip in a yacht, they are suddenly boarded and
all made prisoners by the supposed corsairs, who carry them off to a country
villa a few miles from the town belonging to Carlos' friend, Antonio, which,
however, they are firmly convinc'd is a palace inhabited by the Great Turk
himself. Here Carlos appears, dressed as the Sultan, with much pomp, and
Francisco, overwhelmed with terror, speedily relinquishes Julia to his captor.
In order to punish her for her intolerable arrogance, Isabella, Francisco's
daughter by his former wife, who is designed to wed Antonio, is introduced
to a chimney-sweep, Guiliom, masquerading as a noble of high degree. She
forthwith strikes up a match with the False Count, leaving Antonio free
to marry Clara, Julia's sister, whom he loves. No sooner, however, has the
knot been securely tied than Guiliom, appearing in his sooty rags and with
smutched face, publicly demands and ^humiliates his haughty bride. The
trick of the feigned Turks is discovered by the arrival at the villa of
Baltazer, Julia's father. Don Carlos, however, claims his mistress by
reason of his former contract, which is perforce allowed.
SOURCE.
GUILIOM, masquerading as a Count, is of course directly derived from Les
Precieuses Ridicules, first performed 18 November, 1659, and Isabella is a
close copy of Cathos and Magdelon. Flecknoe had already adapted Moliere
in The Damoiselle: a la Mode, unacted (410 1667) 5 and seven years later than
Mrs. Behn, Shadwell, in his fine comedy, Bury Fair (1689), drew largely
from the same source. His mock noble is a French peruke-maker, La Roch,
who marries Lady Fantast's affected daughter. Miller, in his The Man of
Taste ; or, The Guardian (1735), blended the same plot with L'Ecoleles Marts.
The stratagem of the feigned Turkish ship capturing the yacht is a happy
extension of a hint from the famous galley scene (Que diable allait-il faire
a cette galere ?), Act ii, 7, Les Fourberies de Scapin. This, however, is
not original with Moliere, being entirely borrowed from Le Pedant Joue,
Act ii, 4, of Cyrano de Bergerac (1654). What is practically a translation
of Les Fourberies de Scapin by Otway, was produced at the Duke's Theatre
in 1677, and in the same year Ravenscroft included a great part of it in
his Scaramouch a Philosopher, Harlequin a Schoolboy, Bravo, Merchant, and
Magician.
In the Epilogue Mrs. Behn asserts that she wrote The False Count with
ease in something less than a week. This may be a pardonable exaggeration;
but there are certainly distinct marks of haste in the composition of the
III H
98 THEATRICAL HISTORY
play. In Act iii, i, she evidently intended Francisco and his party to be
seized as they were returning home by sea, at the end of the act she
arranges their sea trip as an excursion on a yacht.
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
The False Count; or, A New Way to Play an Old Game was produced at the
Duke's Theatre, Dorset Garden, in the autumn of i6$2, not later than the
end of October. An excellent rattling farce, it seems to have kept the stage
at intervals for some twenty years. On n August, 1715, there was a
revival at Lincoln's Inn Fields. It is billed as 'not acted ten years'.
Spiller played Guiliom, Mrs. Moor Isabella, and Mrs. Thurmond Julia.
There is no further record of its performance.
(99)
THE FALSE COUNT:
or, A New Way to play an old Game.
PROLOGUE.
Spoken by Mr. Smith.
KNOW a II ye Whigs and Tories of the Pit,
(Te furious Guelphs and Gibelins of Wit,
Who for the Cause, and Crimes of Forty One
So furiously maintain the Quarrel on)
Our Author, as you'll find it writ in Story,
Has hitherto been a most wicked Tory ;
But now, to th' Joy o'th' "Brethren be it spoken,
Our Sister's vain mistaken Eyes are open ;
And wisely valuing her dear Interest now,
All-powerful Whigs, converted is to you.
'Twas long she did maintain the Royal Cause,
Argu'd, disputed, raiVd with great Applause ;
Writ Madrigals and Doggerel on the Times,
And charged you all with your Fore-fathers Crimes ;
Nay, confidently swore no Plot was true,
But that so slily carried on by you :
Raised horrid Scandals on you, hellish Stories,
In Conventicles how you eat young Tories ;
As Jew did heretofore eat Christian Suckling;
And brought an Odium on your pious Gutting :
When this is all Malice it self can say,
You for the good Old Cause devoutly eat and pray.
Though this one Text were able to convert ye,
Te needy Tribe of Scriblers to the Party ;
Yet there are more advantages than these,
For write, invent, and make what Plots you please,
ioo PROLOGUE
The wicked Party keep your Witnesses ;
Like frugal Cuckold-makers you beget
Brats that secur'd by others fires shall sit.
Your Conventicling Miracles out-do
All that the Whore of Babylon e'er knew :
By wondrous art you make Rogues honest Men,
And when you please transform ''em Rogues again.
To day a Saint , if he but hang a Papist,
Peach a true Protestant, your Saint's turn'd Atheist :
And dying Sacraments do less prevail.
Than living ones, though took in Lamb' s-Wool- Ale.
Who wou'd not then be for a Common-weal,
To have the Villain covered with his Zeal?
A Zeal, who for Convenience can dispense
With Plays provided there's no Wit nor Sense.
For Wit's profane, and Jesuitical,
And Plotting 1 s Popery, and the Devil and all.
We then have fitted you with one to day,
'Tis writ as "'twere a Recantation Play ;
Renouncing all that has pretence to witty,
T' oblige the Reverend Brumighams o'th' City :
No smutty Scenes, no Jests to move your Laughter,
Nor Love that so debauches all your Daughters.
But should the Torys now, who will desert me,
Because they find no dry bobs on your Party,
Resolve to hiss, as late did Popish Crew, \
By Tea and Nay, she'll throw her self on you,
The grand Inquest of Whigs, to whom she's true. )
Then let 'em rail and hiss, and damn their fill,
Tour Verdict will be Ignoramus still.
(101)
r. Smith.
Mr. Bright.
Mr. Freeman.
Mr. Underbill.
Mr. Lee.
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
Don Carlos, Governour of Cadiz, young and rich, |
in love with Julia, )
Antonio, a Merchant, young and rich, Friend to)-- ,.. ,.
y" 7 i 'L.\ r*i _*. T i ii r Ivlr. rr ittsbire,
Carlos, in love with Clara, but promts d to Isabella, )
Francisco, old and rich, Husband to 7//a, and Father ) , ,, .
, , ,, \ Mr. Nokes.
to Isabella,
Bahazer, Father to Julia and Clara,
Sebastian, Father to Antonio,
Guzman, Gentlemen to Carlos,
Guiliom, a Chimney-Sweeper; the False Count,
Two overgrown Pages to the False Count. A little Page to the
False Count.
Petro, Cashier to Antonio.
Page to Don Carlos.
Captain of a Gaily.
Two Seamen.
Lopez, Servant to Baltazer.
Several disguis'd like Turks.
WOMEN.
Julia, Wife to Francisco, young and handsom, in ) ., _
..i ~ , ' ^Mrs. Davis.
love with Carlos, }
Clara, Sister to Julia, in love with Antonio, Mrs. Petty.
Isabella, Daughter to Francisco} proud, vain and^j
foolish, despising all Men under the degree of j- Mrs. Corror.
Quality, and falls in love with Guiliom, )
Jacinta, Woman to Julia, Mrs. Osborne.
Wife to Petro.
Dancers, Singers, &c.
IO2 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT i
ACT I.
SCENE I. The Street.
Enter Carlos, Antonio and Guzman.
Car. By all that's good, I'm mad, stark raving mad,
To have a Woman young, rich, beautiful,
Just on the point of yielding to my Love,
Snatcht from my Arms by such a Beast as this ;
An old ridiculous Buffoon, past Pleasure,
Past Love, or any thing that tends that way ;
Ill-favour'd, ill-bred, and ill-qualify'd,
With more Diseases than a Horse past Service ;
And only blest with Fortune and my Julia;
For him, I say, this Miser, to obtain her,
After my tedious nights and days of Love,
My midnight Watchings, Quarrels, Wounds and Dangers;
My Person not unhandsom too,
By Heav'n, 'twas wondrous strange !
Ant. And old Francisco, without the expence of an hour's
Courtship, a Billet-Doux, or scarce a sight of her, could
gain her in a day ; and yet 'tis wonder, your Fortune and
your Quality, should be refus'd by Don Baltazer her Father.
Car. A Pox upon't, I went the wrong way to work,
and courted the Daughter ; but indeed my Father, the late
Governour of Cadiz^ whose Estate and Honour I now
enjoy, was then living ; and, fearing he would not consent
to my Passion, I endeavoured to keep it secret, though
sacred Vows had past between us two.
Ant. Did she not tell you of this Marriage with old
Francisco ?
Car. The night before, she did ; but only by a Letter
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 103
from her Window dropt ; which when by the help of a
dark Lanthorn, I had read, I was struck dead with Grief.
[Gives him the Letter.
Ant. [reads.]
Expect to morrow night to hear I'm dead, since the next Sun
will guide me to a fatal Marriage w ith old Francisco.
Tour Julia.
Car. Judge, dear Antonio, my Surprize and Grief;
A-while I stood unmov'd, thoughtless, and silent,
But soon Rage wak'd me to new Life again ;
But what I said and did, I leave to raging Lovers,
Like disappointed me, to guess and judge ;
She heard and only answer'd me in Tears,
Nor could I beg one tender Word from her,
She sigh'd, and shut the Window too, and vanish'd.
Ant. And she accordingly next day was married.
Car. She was and I have since endeavoured all the
Arts and Ways I can to cuckold him ; 'tis now two months
since the Wedding, and I hear he keeps her as close as a
Relict, jealous as Age and Impotence can make him. She
hitherto has been absent at Sevil, but Expectation of her
Daughter-in-law's Wedding with you has brought 'em
hither, and, I ask your Pardon, Antonio, for raillying
your Father-in-law that shall be, old Francisco.
Ant. I hope you are mistaken, Sir.
Car. How, are you not to marry his Daughter, Isabella ?
Ant. Not if I can help it, Sir, the Honour you have
done me in your Friendship to me, a Person so much
above me in Title and Birth, makes me think it my Duty
to conceal no part of my Heart to you, Know then this
Isabella, Daughter to old Francisco, and your Cuckold that
shall be I hope, is, though fair, most ridiculously proud,
vain and fantastical ; as all of her Birth and Education,
grown rich, are.
Car. Prithee, what was her Birth ?
Ant. Why, her Father, old Francisco, was in his youth
104 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT i
an English Cordwainer, that is to say, a Shoemaker, which
he improv'd in time to a Merchant ; and the Devil and his
Knavery helping him to a considerable Estate, he set up
for Gentleman ; and being naturally a stingey, hide-bound
Rascal, and in the Humour of Jealousy even out-doing
the most rigid of us Spaniards, he came over into Spain,
to settle with his whole Family, where his Wife dying, to
heighten the Vice, marries this young Julia, your Mistress,
Sir ; and now this Daughter of his having wholly forgot
her original Dunghill, sets up for a Viscountess at least,
though her Father has design'd me the Blessing; but I
have fixt my Heart and Eyes else-where, Clara, the young
Sister of your Mistress, Sir, commands my Liberty.
Car. I've seen her, she has Youth and Beauty capable
to make a Conquest any where, but does she know
your Love?
Ant. She does, and makes me think my Love return'd.
Car. Then know, Antonio, I must be your Rival.
Ant. How, Sir !
Car. You said but now you were my Friend, Antonio ;
If true, you must assist in my design.
Ant. I listen, Sir, impatiently.
Car. Then thus ; before I knew she was your Mistress,
I had resolv'd upon Addresses to her, in order to't, have
treated with her Father about a Marriage.
Ant. How ! and wou'd the false, forsworn, receive
your Vows ?
Car. No ; but with Tears implores her Father daily,
whene'er he speaks to her about my Passion ; nor can I
undeceive her, for indeed I have but feign'd a Love, (she
living in the same house with Julia whilst here at Cadiz]
to get an opportunity with that dear, charming Creature ;
for, coming as a Brother, sure they'll admit me kindly ;
nor will Francisco, who has heard of what has past 'twixt
me and Julia, suspect me any more.
Ant. I knew I had a Rival, Sir, whom Clara lov'd
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 105
not ; but ne'er cou'd get it from her who he was, for fear
of mischief: I have often the Liberty to see her, under
the name and pretence of Isabella's Lover.
Car. And I visit her only to get a sight of Julia, which
hitherto has been impossible, though I have oft endeavour'd
it. I beg you'll not be jealous ; for this, by Heav'n, is only
my Design.
Ant. I'll trust my Life, my Honour and my Mistress
in so good hands at any time.
Car. You oblige me ; but though I find your Clara
cold and cruel, Isabella would invite me to her Love, and
makes so many kind advances to me
Ant. So would she for your Title, were you deform'd,
and had no shape of Man about you ; but me, because a
little Citizen and Merchant, she so reviles, calling me base
Mechanick, saucy Fellow ; and wonders where I got the
Impudence to speak of Love to her in fine, I am resolved
to be reveng'd on all her Pride and Scorn ; by Heav'n, I
will invent some dire Revenge : I'm bent upon't, and
will about it instantly.
Car. And would you do it home and handsomly, and
have a good occasion of being disengaged from her, and
make her self the instrument?
Ant. Ay, such a Plot were worth the Prosecution.
Car. And such a one I have in my head : Guzman, my
Servant, knows a fellow here in Cadiz, whom for his
pleasant humour I have oft observ'd, as I have past the
Streets, but too mean to be convers'd with, by almost any
human thing, by Trade a Chimney-Sweeper.
Ant. On, Sir, I beseech you.
Car. This Fellow's of a quick Wit and good Apprehen
sion, though possibly he cannot act the Don so well, yet
that which makes up the best part of our young Gallants
now a-days, he shall not want ; that is, good Clothes,
Money, and an Equipage, and a little Instruction will
serve turn.
io6 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT i
Ant. I'm ravisht with the Fancy ; let me see he shall
be an English Lord, or a French Count.
Car. Either, we'll furnish him with Bills on Signior
Don Francisco, Men and Baggage, and the business is
done he shall make Love to her.
Ant. Most excellent.
Car. Guzman, have you not observ'd this Fellow I am
speaking of.
Guz. Observ'd him, Sir ! I know him particularly, I'll
fetch him to you now, Sir; he always stands for new
Imployment with the rest of his Gang under St. Jago's
Church-wall.
Car. Bring him anon to my Lodgings, where we'll
prepare him for the Adventure.
Ant. And if the proud Isabella bite not at so gay a bait,
I'll be bound to be married to her.
Car. And if she do not, possibly that may be your Fate
but in return, you must let Clara know the Design I
have, and, undeceiving her opinion of my Love, make her
of our Party.
Ant. Trust my Friendship, Sir, and Management. I'll
to her instantly, that is, make a visit to Isabella^ and get
an opportunity to speak with Clara.
Car. And I must write a Letter to Julia, to undeceive
her Fears too, could I but get it to her.
Guz. For that let me alone. \_Exeunt severally, bowing.
SCENE II. A Chamber.
Enter Julia and Jacinta.
Jac. Lord, Madam, you are as melancholy as a sick
Parrot.
Jul. And can you blame me, Jacinta ? have I not many
Reasons to be sad ? first have I not lost the only Man on
earth in Don Carlos, that I cou'd love ? and worse than
that, am married to a Thing, fit only for his Tomb ; a
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 107
Brute, who wanting sense to value me, treats me more
like a Prisoner than a Wife ? and his Pretence is, because
I should not see nor hear from Don Carlos.
Jac. Wou'd I were in your room, Madam, I'd cut him
out work enough, I'd warrant him ; and if he durst im
pose on me, i'faith, I'd transform both his Shape and his
Manners ; in short, I'd try what Woman-hood cou'd do.
And indeed, the Revenge wou'd be so pleasant, I wou'd
not be without a jealous Husband for all the World ; and
really, Madam, Don Carlos is so sweet a Gentleman.
Jul. Ay, but the Sin, Jac'mtal
Jac. O' my Conscience, Heav'n wou'd forgive it; for this
match of yours, with old Francisco^ was never made there.
Jul. Then if I wou'd, alas, what opportunities have I,
for I confess since his first Vows made him mine
Jac. Right that lying with old Francisco is flat Adultery.
Jul. I might, with some excuse, give my self away to
Carlos But oh, he's false, he takes unjustly all the Vows
he paid me, and gives 'em to my Sister Clara now.
Jac. Indeed that'ssomething uncivil, Madam, if it be true.
Jul. True ! my Father has with joy consented to it, and
he has leave to visit her ; and can I live to see't ? No,
Mischief will ensue, my Love's too high, too nicely true
to brook Affronts like that.
Jac. Yet you first broke with him.
Jul. Not I ; be witness, Heav'n, with what reluctancy
I forc'd my breaking heart ; and can I see that charming
Body in my Sister's Arms ! that Mouth that has so oft
sworn Love to me kist by another's Lips ! no, Jacinta,
that night that gives him to another Woman, shall see him
dead between the Charmer's Arms. My Life I hate, and
when I live no more for Carlos^ I'll cease to be at all ; it
is resolv'd.
Jac. Faith, Madam, I hope to live to see a more comical
end of your Amours but see where your amiable Spouse
comes with Don Baltazer your Father.
io8 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT i
Enter Francisco and Baltazer.
Fran. So you two are damnable close together, 'tis for
no goodness I'll warrant, you have your trade betimes.
Jac. Meaning me, Sir ?
Fran. Yes, you, one of my Wife's evil Counsellors,
go, get you up both to your respective Chambers, go
[Ex. both.
Bal. Barring your Compliments, good Son, give me
leave to speak.
Fran. Shaw, I know as well as your self what you wou'd
say now ; you wou'd assure me I am sole Master of your
House, and may command; that you are heartily glad to
see me at Cadiz y and that you desire I wou'd resolve upon
a Week's stay, or so ; that you'll spare nothing for my
entertainment : why, I know all this, and therefore pray
take my word, good Father-in-Law, without anymore ado.
Bal. Well, Sir, pray answer me one question, what
drew you to Cadiz ?
Fran. Why, I'll tell you ; in the first place, a Pox of
all Lovers, I say ; for my Daughter Isabella is to be married,
as you know, to Antonio^ a young rich Merchant of this
Town ; in the second place, my Wife, with a Vengeance,
must be gadding to visit you and her Sister, whom we heard
also was to be married to the young Governor Don Carlos ;
'tis shreudly against my will, Heav'n knows, for my Wits
are in an uproar already about this business your Gallants,
Father, your young Gallants, I wish my Wife were
secure at home again.
Bal. Pray, why so ?
Fran. Alas, I see the Trick, Sir, a mere Trick put upon
a Man, a married Man, and a married Man to a handsome
young Woman, you apprehend me.
Bal Not I, Sir.
Fran. Notyou,Sir! why,lookye, your young Governor
who now is, made most desperate love to her who is now
my Wife, d'ye mind me? but you, being a Man of an
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 109
exact Judgment, to her great grief, gave her to me, who
best deserv'd her, both for my civil Behaviour, and comely
Personage, d'ye understand me ? but now this Carlos, by
his Father's death, being made Governor, d'ye see ? is to
marry me your other daughter Clara, and to exasperate
me, wou'd never let me be at quiet till he had got both of us
hither to Cadiz, to grace his Wedding ; a Pox of his Invita
tion, was I so civil to invite him to mine?
Bal. If this be your Affliction, you may avoid it.
Fran. No, no, I'll try to force Nature a little, and be
civil, or so ; but as soon as the Ceremony's over, I'll steal
out of Town, whip a way, presto, i'faith.
Bal. But shou'd you do so rude a thing to your new
Brother, your Wife wou'd think you were jealous of her.
No, dissemble that Fault, I beseech you, 'twill make you
odious to her and all the world, when 'tis needless, 'tis
natural for Women to hate what they fear.
Fran. Say you so, then I will hide it as much as I can
in words,,! can dissemble too upon occasion.
Bal. Let her remain awhile amongst us.
Fran. The Devil a bit she shall, good Father mine, no,
no, I have more years than you, Sir Father, and understand
what Women are, especially when married to ancient Men,
and have the Conversation of young Men whose Eyes like
Basilisks destroy Modesty with looking on 'em ; the very
Thought on't has rais'd a Bump in my Forehead already.
Bal. lamsorry youshouldsuspectmy Daughter's Virtue.
Fran. May be you are, Sir but Youth you know
Opportunity Occasion or so there are Winks, and
Nods, and Signs, and Twirs and well in short I am
satisfied, and they that are not may go whistle : and so
I'll to my Wife, whom I have left too long alone, evil
thoughts will grow upon her Wife, Love Duckling
[Calls her.
Enter Julia and Jacinta.
Bal. Wou'd I had never married her to this Sot.
no THE FALSE COUNT [ACT i
Jul. Your pleasure, Sir.
Fran. Only to see thee, Love.
Jul. I have a Suit to you.
Fran. What is't, my Chicken.
Jul. I wou'd go make a Visit to my Aunt, my Sister
Clara's there, and I'll go fetch her home.
Fran. Hum perhaps the Governor's there too ?
Jul. What if he be ? we ought to make him a visit too,
who so kindly sent for us to Cadiz.
Fran. How ! Make a visit to the Governor ? What
have I to do with the Governor, or what have you to
do with the Governor ? you are no Soldier, Love. As for
a Visit to your Aunt, there's some reason in't ; but for the
Governor, think no more upon him, I say no more.
Jul. Since he's to marry my Sister, why shou'd you
refuse him that Civility.
Fran. Your Sister, so much the worse.
Jul. So much the worse?
Fran. I, so much the worse, I tell you ; for mark me,
you have been Lovers lately ; and old Stories may arise
that are not yet forgotten ; and having under the Cloke
of a Husband both Sisters at command, one for a Wife,
t'other for a Mistress, hoyte toyte, there will be mad work,
i'faith ; Whatamixture of Brother by the Father's side, and
Uncle by the Mother's side there will be ; Aunt by the
Mother's side, and Sister by the Father's side ; a man may
find as good kindred amongst a kennel of Beagles. No,
no, no Visits to the Governor, I beseech you, fair Madam.
Bal. So, you are at your Jealousy again.
Fran. Come, come, I love plain dealing ; besides, when
she named the Governor, Flesh and Blood could not contain.
Jul. I spoke in reference to his Quality.
Fran. A Pox of your Civility ; I tell you, I scorn my
Wife should be civil. Why, what a Coil's here about a
Governor ! I'll stand to't, a Man had better have a Mule
to his Wife than a Woman, and 'twere easier govern 'd.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 1 1 1
Bal. But hear reason, Son.
Fran. What, from a Woman and a Wife ? Lord, Lord,
where are your Wits, good Father-in-Law ? Why, what
a Devil, shall I be made ridiculous, a Coxcomb, Cuckold,
to shew my Wife ? No, no, there's no Necessity of your
Civility, Mistress ; leave that to me who understand the
due Punctilios of it.
Bal. Harkye, Son, Harkye !
Fran. Father mine, every Man to his business, I say,
therefore say no more of this ; for I'll give my Mother's
Son to the Devil, when any Wife of mine ever makes a
Visit to the Governor ; and there's an end on't. Was
ever so horrid a Plot contriv'd against her own lawful
Husband ? Visit the Governor with a Pox !
Bal. 'Tis an Honour due to all Men of his Rank.
Fran. I care not for that, my opinion is, my Wife's
my Slave, and let him keep his Rank to himself.
Enter Guzman.
[Fran, gets his Wife behind him y and fences her with
his Cloke.
Guz. He's here, and with his Wife ; how shall I do to
deliver my Letter to her ; : Sir, by the order of my Master,
Don Carlos, the Governour, I am commanded to come
hither to the end that, going from hence, and returning
to my Master, I may be able to inform him
Fran. That I am in health, very well, I was afraid
he wou'd have been harping upon my Wife in the first
place the Devil take her, she looks for't.
\_Makes signs to have her gone.
Guz. Farther, Sir, he kisses your hand, with a more
than ordinary friendship.
Fran. A Pox of his Compliments. \_Aside.
Guz. Buthecharg'd me, Sir, most passionately to present
his Service to your Lady.
Fran. Yes, yes; I thought as much.
H2 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT i
Guz. In a more particular manner.
Fran. Friend, my Wife, or Lady, has no need of his
Service in a more particular manner, and so you may
return it.
Jac. Indeed, but she has great need of his service in a
very particular manner.
Guz. Sir, I meant no hurt, hut 'tis always the fashion
of your true bred Courtier, to be more ceremonious in his
Civilities to Ladies than Men ; and he desires to know
how she does.
Fran. How strong this Carlos smells of the Devil
Friend, tell your Master she's very well, but since she was
married, she has forgot her gentile Civility and good
Manners, and never returns any Compliments to Men.
Guz. How shall I get it to her? Sir, the Governor
hopes he shall have the honour of entertaining you both
at his House. He's impatient of your coming, and waits
at home on purpose.
Fran. Friend, let your Master know we are here in
very good quarters already, and he does us both too much
honour; and that if we have notice of the Wedding-day,
and I have nothing else to do, we'll certainly wait on him,
and the next morning we intend to take our leaves, which
I send him word of beforehand to prevent surprize.
Guz. But, Sir
\_Approaching him y he puts his Wife farther.
Fran. Go, Sir, and deliver your Message.
Guz. But I have order, Sir
Fran. There's no such thing in this World.
Guz. I'm resolv'd to teaze him, if I can do nothing
else, in revenge; But, Sir, he most earnestly desires to
entertain your fair Lady in his own house.
Fran. Yes, yes ; I know he does ; but I'll give him to
the Devil first. Troth, Sir, this Cadiz Air does not
agree with my fair Lady, she has ventured out but once,
and has got an Ague already.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 113
Guz. Agues, Sir, are kind Diseases, they allow of Truces
and Cessations.
Fran. No, no ; she has no Cessation, Friend, her Ague
takes her night and day, it shakes her most unmercifully,
and it shall shake her till the Wedding-day.
Guz. Were this Fellow to be tried by a Jury of Women,
I would not be in his Coat to lie with his Lady. What
shall I do to deliver this Letter ? Well, Sir, since I see
you are so averse to what the Governor desires, I'll return
but, Sir, I must tell you as a Friend, a Secret; that to
a man of your temper may concern you ; Sir, he's
resolv'd when he comes next to visit his Mistress, to make
another visit to your Apartment, to your Lady too.
[Goes to whisper him^ and gives Julia the Letter over
his Shoulder.
Fran. Is he so, pray tell him he need not take that pains;
there's no occasion for't ; besides 'twill be but in vain ;
for the Doctors have prescribed her Silence and Loneli
ness, 'tis good against the Fit ; how this damn'd Fellow
of a Rival torments me ! honest Friend, adieu.
Guz. Now is this Fellow so afraid of being made a
Cuckold that he fears his own Shadow, and dares not go
into his Wife's Chamber if the Sun do but shine into the
room [Ex. Guz.
Fran. So, your Mercury's gone ; Lord, how simply
you look now, as if you knew nothing of the matter !
Jul. Matter ! what matter ? I heard the civil Message the
Governor sent, and the uncivil Answer you return'd back.
Fran. Very good ; did that grieve your heart ? alas,
what pity 'twas I carried you not in my hand, presented
you to him my self, and beg'd him to favour me so much
to do my office a little for me, or the like ; hah,
Jul. And there's need enough, and the truth were known.
Jac. Well said, Madam.
Fran. Peace, thou wicked Limb of Satan but for you,
Gentlewoman, since you are so tarmagant, that your own
III I
1 14 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT i
natural Husband cannot please you, who, though I say it,
am as quiet a Bed-fellow, and sleep as sweetly, for one of my
years, as any in Spain I'll keep you to hard meat, i'faith.
Jul. I find no fault with your sleeping, 'tis the best
quality you have a-bed.
Fran. Why so then, is the Devil in an unmerciful
Woman ? Come, come, 'tis a good Tenant that pays once
a quarter.
Jac. Of an hour do you mean, Sir ?
Fran. Peace, I say thou damnable Tormentor, this
is the Doctrine you preach to your Mistress, but you shall
do't it private, for I'm resolv'd to lock ye both up, and
carry the Keys in my Pocket.
Jul. Well, I am a wicked Creature to teaze thee so,
Dear ; but I'll do what thou wilt ; come, come, be friends,
I vow, I care not for the Governor, not I, no more than
I do for my own Soul.
Fran. Why so, this is something; Come, come your
ways in, who have we here ? a Man ! ad's my life,
away, away.
Jul. Yes, up to my Chamber, to write an answer to
this dear Letter. [Ex Julia.
Enter Isabella.
Fran. No, 'tis not a Man, but my Daughter Isabella.
Jac. Now will I stay, and set her on to teaze the
Dotard : wou'd I could teaze him to Death, that my
Mistress might be rid of him.
Fran. How now, what makes you look so scurvily to
day ? Sure the Devil rides once a day through a Woman,
that she may be sure to be inspired with some ill Qualities
what wou'd you have now ?
ha. Something.
Fran. Something ? what thing ? have I not provided you
a Husband whom you are to marry within a day or two.
Isa. There's a Husband indeed, pray keep him to your
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 115
self, if you please; I'll marry none of him, I'll see him
hanged first.
Fran. Hey day ; what, is he not young and handsome
enough, forsooth ?
ha. Young and handsome ; is there no more than that
goes to the making up of a Husband Yes, there's Quality.
Fran. Quality ! Why, is he not one of the richest
Merchants of his standing in all Cadiz.
ha. Merchant ! a pretty Character ! a Woman of my
Beauty, and five Thousand Pound, marry a Merchant
a little, petty, dirty-heel'd Merchant ; faugh, I'd rather
live a Maid all the days of my life, or be sent to a Nun
nery, and that's Plague enough I'm sure.
Jac, Have a care of a Nunnery, lest he take you at
your word.
ha. I would not for the world ; no, Jacinta, when ever
thou seest me in holy Orders, the World will be at an end.
Fran. Merchant ! why, what Husband do you expect ?
ha. A Cavalier at least, if not a Nobleman.
Fran. A Nobleman, marry come up, your Father,
Huswife, meaning my self, was a Leather-seller at first,
till, growing rich, I set up for a Merchant, and left that
mechanick Trade ; and since turned Gentleman ; and
Heav'n blest my Endeavours so as I have an Estate for a
Spanish Grandee ; and, are you so proud, forsooth, that a
Merchant won't down with you, but you must be gaping
after a Cap and Feather, a Silver Sword with a more dread
ful Ribbon at the hilt ? Come, come, I fear me, Huswise,
you are one that puffs her up with Pride thus ; but lay
thy hand upon thy Conscience now. \_To Jacinta.
Jac. Who, I, Sir? No, no, I am for marrying her out
of hand to any reasonable Husband, except a Merchant ;
for Maids will long, and that's Probatum est against the
prevailing distemper of Longing. Hitherto I dare answer
for her, but Batteries will be made, and I dare not be
always responsible for frail Mortality.
1 1 6 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT i
Fran. Well, I have provided her one that I like, but if
she be so squeamish, let her fast, with a Murrain to her.
Isa. Dear Father.
Fran. Dear me no Dears : wou'd your old Mother were
alive, she wou'd have strapt your Just-au-corps, for puleing
after Cavaliers and Nobleman, i'faith, that wou'd she ; a
Citizen's Daughter, and would be a Madona in good time.
ha. Why, Father, the Gentry and Nobility now-a-days
frequently marry Citizens Daughters.
Fran. Come, come, Mistress, I got by the City, and I
love and honour the City ; I confess 'tis the Fashion now-
a-days, if a Citizen get but a little Money, one goes to
building Houses, and brick Walls ; another must buy an
Office for his Son, a third hoists up his Daughter's Top
sail, and flaunts it away, much above her breeding ; and
these things make so many break, and cause the decay of
Trading : but I am for the honest Dutch way of breeding
their Children, according to their Fathers Calling.
Isa. That's very hard, because you are a laborious, ill-bred
Tradesman, I must be bound to be a mean Citizen's Wife.
Fran. Why, what are you better than I, forsooth, that
you must be a Lady, and have your Petticoats lac'd four
Stories high ; wear your false Towers, and cool your self
with your Spanish Fan ? Come, come, Baggage, wear me
your best Clothes a Sunday, and brush 'em up a Monday
Mornings, and follow your Needle all the Week after ;
that was your good old Mother's way, and your Grand
mother's before her ; and as for the Husband, take no care
about it, I have designed it Antonio, and Antonio you are
like to wed, or beat the hoof, Gentlewoman, or turn poor
Clare, and die a begging Nun, and there's an end on't
see where he comes I'll leave you to ponder upon the
business. \_Exit.
Enter Antonio. Isabella weeps.
Ant. What, in Tears, Isabella ? what is't can force that
tribute from your Eyes?
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 117
ha. A Trifle, hardly worth the naming, your self.
Ant. Do I ? pray, for what Sin of mine must your fair
Eyes be punish'd ?
ha. For the Sin of your odious Addresses to me, I have
told you my mind often enough, methinks your Equals
should be fitter for you, and sute more with your Plebeian
Humour.
Ant. My Equals ! 'Tis true, you are fair ; but if there be
any Inequality in our births, the advantage is on my side.
ha. Saucy Impertinent, you shew your City breeding ;
you understand what's due to Ladys ! you understand your
Pen and Ink, how to count your dirty Money, trudge to
and fro chaffering of base commodities, and cozening
those you deal with, till you sweat and stink again like
an o'er heated Cook, faugh, I smell him hither.
Ant. I must confess I am not perfum'd as you are, to
stifle Stinks you commonly have by Nature ; but I have
wholesom, cleanly Linen on ; and for my Habit wore I
but a Sword, I see no difference between your Don and
me, only, perhaps, he knows less how to use it.
ha. Ah, name not a Don, the very sound from the
Mouth of a little Cit is disagreeable Bargain and Sale,
Bills, Money, Traffick, Trade, are words become you better.
Jac. Well said, use him scurvily that Mrs. Clara may
have him. \_Aside.
Ant. The best of those you think I should not name,
dare hardly tell me this.
ha. Good Lord, you think your self a very fine Fellow
now, and finical your self up to be thought so ; but there's
as much difference between a Citizen and a true bred
Cavalier
Ant. As between you and a true bred Woman of Honour.
ha. Oh, Sir, you rail, and you may long enough, before
you rail me out of my Opinion, whilst there are Dons with
Coaches and fine Lackeys, and I have Youth and Beauty,
with a Fortune able to merit one, so farewel, Cit. [Ex.
1 1 8 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT n
Ant. Farewel, proud Fool.
Jac. Sir, be this Evening at the Door, Donna Clara
has something to say to you.
Ant. Bless thee for this Tidings, dear Jacinta.
[Ex. Jacinta.
I find let Man be brave, or good, or wise,
His Virtue gains no Smiles from Woman's Eyes ;
'Tis the gay Fool alone that takes the Heart,
Foppery and Finery still guide the Dart. [Ex.
ACT II.
SCENE I. A Chamber.
Enter Jacinta with a Light, and Julia.
Jac. Well, Madam, have you writ to Don Carlos ?
Jul. No, nor is it possible I shou'd, this Devil haunts me
so from room to room, like my evil Genius to prevent that
Good ; oh, for an opportunity of one kind Minute to return
Acknowledgments for this kind Letter he has sent me.
Jac. I'm glad you find me a Sybil : Madam, I ever
prophesy'd a happier end of that Amour than your ill
Fortune his hitherto promised, but what said the lovely
Cavalier ?
Jul. All that a Man inspir'd with Love cou'd say, all
that was soft and charming.
Jac. Nay, I believe his Art.
Jul. Judge then what my Heart feels, which like a
Fire but lightly cover'd o'er with the cold Ashes of Despair,
with the least blast breaks out into a Flame; I burn, I burn,
Jacinta, and only charming Carlos can allay my Pain but
how ? Ay, there's the question.
Jac. Some way I will contrive to speak with him, for
he has lost his old wont if he traverse not the Street where
you live : but see Donna Clara. [Enter Clara.
Jul. Hah, my Sister, whom yet my jealous heart can
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 119
scarce be reconciled to ; so deeply was my fear of Rival-
ship fixt there, so sad, my Sister, and so near the happy
day with Carlos?
Cla. 'Tis pity she that thinks it so shou'd want him ;
the Blessing's thrown away on me, but we are both un
happy to be match'd to those we cannot love. Carlos,
though young, gay, handsom, witty, rich, I hate as much
as you the old Francisco; for since I cannot marry my Antonio,
both Youth and Beauty are but lost on me, and Age
decrepid would be equal torment.
Jul. Wou'd Carlos knew your heart, sure he'd decline ;
for he has too much Honor to compel a Maid to yield
that loves him not.
Cla. 'Tis true, he is above me every way, and the
Honor my Father thinks to do our Family by this Match,
makes him resolve upon't ; but I have given my Vows to
young Antonio.
Jul. And young Antonio you are like to have, for any thing
that Carlos cares; for know, to thy eternal joy, my Clara, he
has but feigned to thee, as much as thy Antonio to Isabella.
Cla. But are you sure of this?
Jul. Most certain ; this Night if you can let Antonio
see you, he'll tell you all the Cheat, and beg your Pardon.
Cla. Which he will soon obtain, and in return, what
Service I can render him in your behalf he shall not want.
Jul. Antonio will engage you they are Friends.
Cla. You amaze me.
Jac. I have appointed him this night to wait, and, if
possible, I would get him a Minute's time with you.
Cla. Dear Jacinta, thou art the kindest Maid.
Jac. Hang't, why should we young Woman pine and lan
guish for what our own natural Invention may procure us ;
let us th ree lay our Heads together, and if Machia vel with all
his Politicks can out-wit us, 'tis pity but we all lead Apes
in Hell, and die without the Jewish Blessing of Consolation.
Jul. No more, here comes the Dragon.
120 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT n
Enter Francisco.
Fran. So, together consulting and contriving.
Jac. What, are you jealous of the Petticoat ?
Fran. Petticoat ! Come, come, Mistress Pert, I have
known as much danger hid under a Petticoat, as a pair or
Breeches. I have heard of two Women that married each
other oh abominable, as if there were so prodigious a
scarcity of Christian Mans Flesh.
Jac. No, the Market's well enough stored, thanks be
praised, might every Woman be afforded a reasonable
Allowance.
Fran. Peace, I say, thou Imp of Lucifer ; wou'd thou
hadst thy Bellyful, that I might be fairly rid of thee go
get you up to your Chamber, and, d'ye hear, stir not from
thence, on pain of our severe displeasure, for I am sent for
in all haste, to Signior Don Sebastian's, 'tis but hard by, I
shall soon return ; what, are you here ?
Enter Isabella.
I have a high commendation of your fine Behaviour,
Gentlewoman, to Antonio ; his Father has sent for me, and
I shall know all anon, this shall but hasten your Wedding,
Huswise, I tell you that, and so farewel to you
[Ex. Isabella crying.
Cla. Say you so, then 'tis time for me to look about me.
Jul. But will you go out so late, Love ? indeed some
hurt will come to thee.
Fran. No, look ye, I go arm'd.
[Shews his Girdle round with Pistols.
Go, get you to your Chambers. [He goes out, they go in.
SCENE II. Changes to the Street.
Enter Carlos, Antonio.
Car. I wonder where this Man of mine should be,
whom I sent this Evening with my Letter to Julia.
What art thou ? [Enter Guzman, runs against Carlos.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 121
Guz. My Lord, 'tis I, your trusty Trojan, Guzman.
what makes you here, Sir, so near the Door of your
Mistress ?
Car. To wait my Doom ; what Tidings hast thou,
Guzman ?
Guz. Why, Sir, I went as you directed me, to Don
Baltazer's.
Car. And didst thou deliver it ?
Guz. And the first thing I met with was old Francisco.
Car. So.
Guz. To whom I civilly addrest my self told him,
you presented your Service to him, sent to know how
his Lady and he did. Which word Lady I no sooner
named, but I thought he would have saluted me with a
Cudgel, in fine, observing her behind him, whom he
shelter'd all he could with his Cloke, I taking an occasion
to whisper him, gave it her oVer his shoulder, whilst she
return'd some Smiles and Looks of Joy, but for an answer,
'twas impossible to get the least sign of one.
Car. No matter, that joy was evident she wishtme one,
and by the first opportunity my diligent waiting will be
recompensed ; but where hast thou been all this while ?
Guz. Finding out the Chimney-sweeper you spoke of,
Sir, and whom you ordered me to bring this Evening.
Car. And hast thou found him?
Guz. He's here, at the corner of the Street, I'll call
him. [Ex. Guz.
Car. I have, Antonio, besides your particular Revenge,
one of my own to act by this deceit, since all my Industry
to see the charming Julia has hitherto been vain, I have
resolv'd upon a new project, if this False Count pass upon
'em, as I doubt not but he will, and that he gets admit
tance into the House, I'll pass for one of his Domesticks.
Enter Guzman and Guiliom. Page holding his lanthorn
to his face.
Guz. Here's the Fellow, Sir.
122 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT n
Ant. Fellow ! he may be the Devil's Fellow by his
countenance.
Car. Come nearer, Friend ; dost think thou canst
manage a Plot well ?
Guil. As any Man in Cadiz^ Sir, with good instructions.
Car. That thou shalt have, thou art apprehensive.
Guil. So, so, I have a pretty memory for mischief.
Ant. Hast thou Assurance and Courage ?
Guil. TokillthehonestestMan in Spain y \fl be well paid.
Car. That thou shalt be.
Guil. I'll do't, say no more, I'll do't.
Car. But canst thou swear stoutly, and lye handsomely.
Guil. Prettily, by Nature, Sir, but with good instruc
tions I shall improve ; I thank Heaven I have Docity, or so.
Car. Thou want'st not Confidence.
Guil. No, nor Impudence neither ; how should a man
live in this wicked world without that Talent?
Ant. Then know our Design is only comical, though
if you manage not Matters well, it may prove tragical to
you; in fine, dost think thou canst personate a Lord?
Guil. A Lord ! marry, that's a hard question : but what
sort of a Lord ?
Car. Why, any Lord.
Guil. That I cannot do, but I can do some sort of a
Lord, as some Lords are wiser than other-some; there is
your witty Lord, him I defie ; your wise Lord, that is to
say, your knavish Lord, him I renounce ; then there's your
Politick Lord, him I wou'd have hang'd ; then there's your
Foolish Lord, let him follow the Politician ; then there's
your brisk, pert, noisy Lord, and such a small insignificant
Fiend I care not if I am possest with ; I shall deal well
enough with a Devil of his capacity.
Car. Very well, then there needs no more but that you
go along with my man to my house, my Authority shalt
secure you from all the injuries that shall accrue from a
discovery, but I hope none will happen : Equipage, Clothes
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 123
and Money we'll furnish you with. Go home with him,
and dress, and practise the Don till we come, who will
give you ample instructions what to do.
Gull. And if I do not fit you with a Don better than
Don Del Phobos, or Don Quixote, let me be hang'd up for
the Sign of the Black Boy on my own Poles at a Spanish
Inn door.
Ant. We'll be with you presently.
Gui I. And if you find me not en Cavalier, say Clothes,
Garniture, Points, and Feathers have lost their Power of
making one. [Ex. Guz. and Page, and Guil.
Enter, opening the door, Jacinta.
Car. Hah, the Door opens, and surely 'tis a Woman
that advances : dear Antonio, wait a little farther ; who's
there ?
Jac. Hah, if it should be old Franicsco now.
Car. Let it be who it will, I'll tell my name, it can
not injure either ; I'm Carlos, who are you ?
Jac. A thing that looks for him you name Jacinta ;
are you alone ?
Car. Never since Julia did possess my heart ; what
news, my dearest Messenger of Love ? what may I hope?
Enter Julia.
Jul. All that the kindest Mistress can bestow,
If Carlos loves, and still will keep his Vows.
Car. Julia, my Life, my Soul, what happy Stars
Conspir'd to give me this dear lucky minute?
Jul. Those that conducted old Francisco out,
And will too soon return him back again ;
I dare not stay to hear thy love or chiding,
Both which have power to charm, since both proceed
From a kind heart, that's mine.
Car. Oh, take not this dear Body from my Arms,
For if you do, my Soul will follow it.
124 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT n
Jul. What would'st thou have me do ?
Car. Be wondrous kind, be lavish of thy Heart,
Be generous in thy Love, and give me all.
Jul. Oh Heavens ! what mean you ? I shall die with fear.
Car. Fear ! let coward Lovers fear, who love by halves,
We that intirely love are bold in Passion,
Like Soldiers fir'd with glory dread no Danger.
Jul. But should we be unthrifty in our Loves,
And for one Moment's joy give all away,
And be hereafter damn'd to pine at distance ?
Car. Mistaken Miser, Love like Money put
Into good hands increases every day,
Still as you trust me, still the Sum amounts :
Put me not off with promise of to morrow,
To morrow will take care for new delights,
Why shou'd that rob us of a present one ?
Jul. Ah, Carlos!
How fondly do I listen to thy words,
And fain would chide, and fain wou'd boast my Virtue,
But mightier Love laughs at those poor delays;
And I should doubtless give you all your Julia,
Did not my fear prevent my kinder business ;
And should Francisco come and find me absent,
Or take thee with me, we were lost, my Carlos.
Car. When then, my Julia, shall we meet again ?
Jul. You Spaniards are a jealous Nation,
But in this English Spaniard Old Francisco,
That mad Passion's doubled; wholly deprives him of his
Sense, and turns his Nature Brute ; wou'd he but trust
me only with my Woman, I wou'd contrive some way
to see my Carlos.
Car. 'Tis certain, Julia, that thou must be mine.
Jul. Or I must die, my Carlos. [Ant. listning advances.
Ant. I'm sure 'tis Carlos' 1 s voice, and with a Woman ;
And though he be my Rival but in Jest,
I have a natural curiosity to see who 'tis he entertains.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 125
Jul. Oh Heavens! Sir, here's Francisco; step aside,
Lest mischief shou'd befall you. [Runs in.
Car. Now Love and wild Desire prompt me to kill
this happy Rival, he's old, and can't be long in his Arrears
to Nature. What if I paid the debt? [Draws ka/fway.
One single push wou'd do't, and /tt/rVjmine; but, hang' t,
Adultery is a less sin than Murder, and I will wait my
Fortune.
Ant. Where are you, Don Carlos?
Car. Who's there, Antonio? I took thee for my Rival,
and ten to one but I had done thy business.
Ant. I heard ye talking and believ'd you safe, and came
in hopes to get a little time to speak to Clara in ; hah !
Jacinta
Jac. Who's there, Antonio? [Peeping out of the door.
Ant. The same ; may I not speak with Clara ?
Jac. Come in, she's here.
Car. And prithee, dear Jacinta^ let me have one word
with Julia more, she need not fear surprize ; just at the
door let me but kiss her hand. [Going in.
Jac. I'll see if I can bring her.
Enter Francisco.
Fran. A proud ungracious Flirt, a Lord with a Pox !
here's a fine business, i'faith, that she should be her own
Carver, well I'll home, and thunder her together with
a vengeance.
Car. Who's here ? sure this is he indeed ; I'll step aside,
lest my being seen give him an occasion of jealousy, and
make him affront his Wife.
[Goes aside as Fran, was going in.
Enter Julia.
Fran. Hum, what have we here, a Woman ?
Jul. Heavens ! what, not gone yet, my Dear ?
Fran. So, so, 'tis my confounded Wife, who expecting
>me body wou'd have me gone now.
126 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT H
Jul. Are you not satisfied with all I've said,
With all the Vows I've made,
Which here anew, in sight of Heaven, I breathe?
Fran. Yes, yes, you can promise fair, but hang him
that trusts ye.
Jul. Go, go, and pray be satisfyed with my eternal
Love.
Fran. How fain she'd have me gone now ; ah, subtle
Serpent ! is not this plain demonstration, I shall murder
her, I find the Devil great with me. \_Aside still.
Jul. What is't thou pausest on ?
Fran. The wicked Dissimulation of villainous Woman.
[Aloud to her.
Jul. Francisco!
Fran. Oh thou Monster of Ingratitude, have I caught
thee ? You'd have me gone, wou'd ye ? ay, to Heaven,
I believe, like a wicked Woman as you are, so you were
rid of me. Go, and be satisfyed of my eternal love
ah, Gipsey, no, Gentlewoman, I am a tuff bit, and
will hold you tugging till your heart ake.
Jul. Why, was there such hurt in desiring you to go that
you might make haste back again, Oh, my fears !
Fran. That you might receive a Lover, 'tis plain
and my Indignation's high.
Jul. Heav'n knows I meant
Fran. Only to cuckold me a little, get you in, where
I will swear thee by Bell, Book and Candle, get you in,
I say, go, go, I'll watch for your Lover, and tell him
how unkind he was to stay so long, I will.
\_Ex. Julia, he stands just in the door, Carlos advances.
Car. I hear no noise, sure 'twas he, and he's gone in
To reap those Joys he knows not how to value,
And I must languish for ; I'll stay a little perhaps Jacinta
may return again, for anything belonging to my Julia is
dear, even to my Soul.
[Goes just to the door, Fran, bolts out on him.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 127
Fran. Who's there ? what wou'd you have ? who
wou'd you speak to ? who do you come from ? and
what's your business?
Car. Hah, 'tis the Sot himself; my name is Carlos.
Fran. Carlos! what Father of Bel-zebub sent him hither ?
a plain case ; I'll murder her out of hand.
Car. And I wou'd speak to any body, Friend, that
belongs to the fair Clara, if you are any of this house.
Fran. Only the Cuckold of the house, that's all ; my
name, Sir, is Francisco ; but you, perhaps, are better
acquainted with my Wife.
Car. Francisco, let me embrace you, my noble Brother,
and chide you, that you wou'd not visit me.
\_Going to embrace him, be flies off.
Fran. And bring my Wife along with me.
Car. Both had been welcome and all I have, you
shou'd command.
Fran. For my Wife's sake what if I shou'd pistol
him now ; and I am damnably provok'd to't, had I but
Courage to shoot off one. [Aside.
Car. Methinks you make not so kind returns as my
Friendship to you, and the Alliance shall be between us,
deserves.
Fran. I am something ill-bred, I confess, Sir ; -'tis
dark, and if I shou'd do't no body wou'd know 'twas I.
[Aside.
Car. I fear there's some Misunderstanding between us,
pray let us go in a while, I'll talk you from your error.
[Offers to go, he gets between him and the door.
Fran. Between us, Sir ! oh Lord, not in the least, Sir,
I love and honour you so heartily I'd be content to give
you to the Devil, but the noise of the Pistol wou'd dis
cover the business. [Aside.
Car. Come, let's in, and talk a while.
Fran. I'm sorry I cannot do't, Sir, we are something
incommoded being not at our own house.
128 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT 11
Car. Brother, I am afraid you are a little inclined to be
jealous, that will destroy all Friendship.
Fran. So, how finely the Devil begins to insinuate !
Car. That makes a Hell of the Heav'n of Love, and
those very Pains you fear, are less tormenting than that
Fear; what say you, Brother, is't not so with you?
Fran. I find you wou'd have me turn a Husband of the
Mode,a fine convenient Tool, one of the modern Humour,
a civil Person, that understands Reason, or so; and I doubt
not but you wou'd be as modish a Gallant.
Car. Ha, ha, ha.
Fran. What, do you laugh, Sir ?
Car. Who can chuse, to hear your Suspicions, your need
less Fears. Come, come, trust your Wife's Discretion, and
Modesty and I doubt not but you will find your self
Fran. In the Road to Heaven, whither they say all
Cuckolds go I thank you for your advice ; I perceive
you wou'd willingly help me onwards of my Journey.
Car. I'm glad I know you, Sir, farewel to you
[Goes out.
Fran. No matter for that, so you know not my Wife
and so farewel to you, Sir, and, the Devil take all Cuckold-
makers. [Exit.
SCENE III. The inside of the House.
Enter Clara, Julia, Antonio, Jacinta running to 'em.
Jac. He has seen Don Carlos^ and they have been in
great discourse together, I cou'd not hear one word, but
you'll have it at both ears anon, I'll warrant you.
Ha, he's coming.
Enter Francisco.
Cla. Heavens, he must not see you here. [To Ant.
Jac. Here, step into Clara's Bed-chamber. [He goes in.
Fran. So the Plot's at last discover'd, he was a Cavalier
of his Parole.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 129
JuL Who speak you of?
Fran. Only the Governor, the fine young Governor, I
deliver'd him the message, told him my mind and the like.
JuL So kind to visit us, and have you sent him away
already ?
Fran. Ah, Witch ; already ! why, have I any lodging
for him ?
JuL But I am glad you brought him not in, I being so
unready.
Fran. But you are always ready for him, my dear
victorious Man-slayer.
JuL What means he, sure he has a Gad-bee in his Brain.
Fran. Satan's she Advocate peace, I say ; so, you look
as innocently now, as a little Devil of two years old, I'll
warrant ; come, come, look me full in the face thus,
turn your nose just to mine so now tell me whose damn
able Plot this was, to send your Gallant with his Eloquence,
Querks and Conundrums, to tutor me into better manners?
JuL Send him ! I'll answer no such idle questions.
Fran. He has taken a world of pains about your par
ticular Chapter, and no doubt but he preach'd according
to instructions ; what say you for your self, that Judg
ment may not pass?
JuL I say you're an old jealous Fool ; have I seen Don
Carlos, or heard from Don Carlos, or sent to Don Carlos ?
here's a-do indeed.
Fran. What made you at the door against my positive
commands, the very Street-door, in the night, alone,
and undrest, this is a matter of Fact, Gentlewoman ;
you hastened me away, a plain case, and presently,
after Don Carlos comes to the door, positive proof, sees
me and falls right down upon my Jealousy, clear con
viction, 'twas pity but I had follow'd his counsel, yes,
when the Devil turns student in Divinity; but no matter,
I'll see your back fairly turn'd upon this Town to morrow ;
I'll marry my Daughter in the morning to Antonio, and a
III K
130 THE FALSE COUNT [ACTII, sc. n
fair wind or not, we'll home ; the Gaily lies ready in the
Harbour therefore prepare, pack up your tools, for you
are no woman of this world.
Ant, How ! marry me to morrow to his daughter ;
and carry his Wife from my Friend ; this misfortune must
be prevented. \_Asidepeeping.
Fran. And so, Mistress, come your ways to your
Chamber.
Jul. And study how to prevent this cruel separation.
\_Aside, goes out with him and Jacinta.
Cla. Ah, Antonio, I find by that sad look of yours, you
have over-heard our hasty Doom.
Ant. I have, and am a little surpriz'd at the suddenness
of it ; and I my self am the unlucky occasion of it, to
break it off, I told my Father how scurvily Isabella treated
me, he thereupon sends for old Francisco, tells him of my
complaint, and instead of disengaging my self, I find my
self more undone.
Cla. What shall we do ? I'm sure thou wilt not marry
her, thou canst not do't and hope to go to Heaven.
Ant. No, I have one prevention left, and if that fail,
I'll utterly refuse to marry her, a thing so vainly proud ;
no Laws of Nature or Religion, sure, can bind me to say
yes ; and for my Fortune, 'tis my own, no Father can
command it.
Cla. I know thou wilt be true, and I'll not doubt it.
Enter Jacinta.
Jac. Ah ! Madam, the saddest news
Cla. Hah! what?
Jac. Poor Gentleman, I pity you of all things in the
World, you must be forc'd how can I utter it, to the
most lamentable torment that ever Lover endur'd to
remain all night in your Mistress's Chamber.
Ant. Alas, how shall I endure so great an Affliction ?
Cla. And I.
Jac. Ha, ha, ha, how I am griev'd to think on it ; ha, ha,
ACT in, sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 131
ha, that you shou'd both be so hardly put to it ; ha, ha, ha,
for the old Gentleman has lock'd all the doors, and took
the keys to bed to him, go, get you in, ha, ha, ha.
Ant. Oh, my dear Clara, this is a blessing I could not
hope.
Cla. So large a Freedom shall my Virtue prove,
/'// trust my Honour with Antonio's Love.
[They go in.
\_Ex. Jacinta laughing.
ACT III.
SCENE I. Don Carlos' house.
Enter Don Carlos in his Night-gown, Antonio, and Guzman
with Clothes.
Car. All night with Clara say'st thou ? that was lucky ;
But was she kind, my friend ?
Ant. As I desir'd, or Honour wou'd permit her;
Nor wou'd I press her farther.
Car. , A very moderate Lover.
Ant. For some part of my Virtue, Sir, I owe to you ;
in midst of all my Love, even in the kindest moments of
Delight, my Joys were broken by concern for you.
Julia this day, or very suddenly, leaves Cadiz.
Car. By Heaven, and so will Carlos then ; for I'm so
resolutely bent to possess that dear Creature,
That I will do't with hazard of my Life,
Expence of Fortune, or what's dear to me.
Guz. And how wou'd you reward that politick head,
that shou'd contrive the means to bring this handsomly
about ; not for an a hour, or a night, but even as long as you
please, with freedom ; without the danger of venturing
your honourable neck, in showing Feats of Activity three
stories high, with a Dagger in one hand, and a Pistol in
t'other, like a Ropedancer ?
Car. But how ? Thou talkest of Impossibilities.
132 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT in
Ant. Dost think she'll e'er consent to quit her Husband?
Guz. No, Heaven forbid, I am too good a Christian to
part Man and Wife ; but being naturally inclined to works
of Charity, I will with one project I have in this noddle
of mine, make old Francisco a Cuckold, accommodate
my Lord and Julia, serve you, Sir, and give our selves a
good Scene of Mirth.
Car. Thou amazest me.
Guz. If I do't not, send me to the Galleys ; nay, and
so far cure the Jealousy of the old Fellow, that from a
rigid suspicious troublesom Fool, he shall become so tame
and gentle a Husband, that he shall desire you to favour
him so much as to lie with his dear Wife.
Car. By what strange Witchcraft shall this be brought
to pass?
Guz. E'en honest Invention, Sir, good Faith, listen and
believe : When he goes, he certainly goes by Sea, to save
the charges of Mules.
Ant. Right, I heard him say so ; in the Galley that lies
in the Port.
Guz. Good, there is a Galley also, in the Harbour, you
lately took from the Turks ; Habits too were taken in her
enough to furnish out some forty or fifty as convenient
Turks as a man wou'd wish at the Devil.
Car. Ah, Rogue, I begin to apprehend already.
Guz. Our Turkish Galley thus man'd, I'll put to Sea,
and about a League from Land, with a sham-fight set on
that of Old Francisco, take it, make 'em all Slaves, clap the
Old Fellow under hatches, and then you may deal with
the fair Slave his Wife, as Adam did with Eve.
Car. I'm ravish'd with the thought.
Ant. But what will be the event of this?
Car. I will not look so far, but stop at the dear Joys,
and fear no Fate beyond 'em.
Guz. Nay, with a little cudgelling this dull Brain of
mine I shall advance it farther for the Jest-sake ; as I
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 133
take it, Signior Don Antonio, you have a fine Villa, within
a Bow-shot of this City belonging to your self.
Ant. I have with pleasant Gardens, Grotto's, Water
works.
Car. A most admirable Scene for Love and our Designs.
Ant. 'Tis yours, Sir.
Guz. Then, Sir, when we have taken this old Fool, on
whom the grossest cheat wou'd pass, much more this,
which shall carry so seeming a Truth in't, he being clapt
under hatches in the Dark, we'll wind round a League or
two at Sea, turn in, and land at this Garden, Sir, of yours,
which we'll pretend to be a Seraglio, belonging to the
Grand Seignior ; whither, in this hot part o'th' year, he
goes to regale himself with his She-Slaves.
Car. But the distance of Place and Time allow not such
a Fallacy.
Guz. Why he never read in's life ; knows neither
Longitude nor Latitude, and Constantinople may be in the
midst of Spain for any thing he knows; besides, his Fear
will give him little leisure for thinking.
Ant. But how shall we do with the Seamen of this
other Gaily ?
Guz. There's not above a Dozen, besides the Slaves
that are chain'd to the Oar, and those Dozen, a Pistole
apiece wou'd not only make 'em assist in the design, but
betray it in earnest to the Grand Seignior ,- for them I'll
undertake, the Master of it being Pier de Sala, your Father's
old Servant, Sir. [To Carlos.
Ant. But possibly his mind may alter upon the Arrival
of this False Count of ours?
Car. No matter, make sure of those Seamen however ;
that they may be ready upon occasion.
Ant. 'Tis high time for me that your Count were arriv'd,
for this morning is destin'd the last of my Liberty.
Car. This Morning Come, haste and dress me [To
Guz.] Guzman, where's our Count?
134 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT in
Enter Guiliom drest fine, two great Pages and a little
one following.
Guz. Coming to give you the good morrow, Sir ;
And shew you how well he looks the Part.
Car. Good day to your Lordship [Bowing.
Gull. Morrow, morrow, Friend.
Ant. My Lord, your most humble Servant.
Guil. Thank you, Friend, thank you ; Page, Boy
what's a-Clock, Sirrah ?
Page. About Eight, my Lord.
Ant. Your Lordship's early up.
Gull. My Stomach was up before me, Friend ; and I'm
damnably hungry ; 'tis strange how a man's Appetite
increases with his Greatness ; I'll swinge it away now I'm
a Lord, then I will wench without Mercy ; I'm resolv'd
to spare neither Man, Woman, nor Child, not I ; hey,
Rogues, Rascals, Boys, my Breakfast, quickly, Dogs let
me see, what shall I have now that's rare ?
Page. What will your Honour please to have ?
Gull. A small rasher of delicate Bacon, Sirrah of
about a Pound, or two, with a small Morsel of Bread
round the Loaf, d'ye hear, quickly, Slaves.
Ant. That's gross meat, Sir, a pair of Quails or
Gull. I thank you for that, i'faith, take your Don
again, an you please, I'll not be starv'd for ne'er a Don
in Christendom.
Ant. But you must study to refine your Manners a little.
Gull. Manners ! you shall pardon me for that ; as if a
Lord had not more privilege to be more saucy, more
rude, impertinent, slovenly and foolish than the rest of his
Neighbours, or Mankind.
Gar. Ay, ay, 'tis great.
Gull. Your saucy Rudeness, in a Grandee, is Freedom;
your Impertinence, Wit ; your Sloven, careless ; and your
Fool, good natur'd ; as least they shall pass so in me, I'll
warrant ye.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 135
Car. Well, you have your full Instructions ; your Bag
gage, Bills and Letters, from Octaviothe Sevilian Merchant.
Guz. All, all, Sir, are ready, and his Lordship's break
fast waits.
Car. Which ended, we advance,
Just when Aurora rose from Thetis' Bed,
Where he had wantoned a short Summer's night,
Harness'd his bright hoov'd Horses to begin
His gilded course above the Firmament,
Out sallied Don Gulielmo Rodorigo de Chimney Sweperio,
and so forth. Gad, this adventure of ours will be worthy
to be sung in Heroick Rhime Doggerel, before we have
finish t it ; Come [Goes out.
Gull. Hey, Rogues, Rascals, Boys, follow me just
behind. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. Francisco's house.
Enter Clara and Jacinta.
Jac. Nay, I knew he would be civil, Madam, or I would
have borne you Company ; but neither my Mistress nor I,
cou'd sleep one wink all Night, for fear of a Discovery in
the Morning ; and to save the poor Gentleman a tumbling
Cast from the Window, my Mistress, just at day-break,
feigned her self wondrous sick, I was called, desired to
go to Signior Spadllio's the Apothecary's, at the next Door,
for a Cordial ; and so he slipt out; but the Story of this
false Count pleases me extremely, and, if it should take,
Lord, what mirth we shall have. Ha, ha, ha, I can't
forbear with the thoughts on't.
Cla. And to see the Governor his Man ?
Jac. Ah, what a Jest that would be too Ha, ha, ha !
but here comes Isabella ; let's puff up her Pride with
Flatteries on her Beauty.
Enter Isabella /oo&ing in a Glass, and seeing her Face.
Isa. Ah, Heavens, those Eyes that Look, that pretty
136 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT in
Leer, that my Father shou'd be so doating an old Fool to
think these Beauties fit for a little Merchandize ; a Mar
chioness wou'd so much better become me. \Looks again.
Ah, what a Smile's there and then that scornful Look
'tis great Heavens, who's here ? [<Sm them.
Cla. Only those Friends that wish you better Fortune
than this day promises.
Jac. Look on that Face ; are there not Lines that foretel
a world of Greatness, and promise much Honour ?
Cla. Her Face, her Shape, her Mein, her every part
declares her Lady or something more.
Isa. Why, so, and yet this little Creature of a Father,
ridiculously and unambitious, would spoil this Lady, to
make up a simple Citizen's Wife in good time.
Jac. That very look had some presaging Grandeur.
Isa. Do you think so, Jacinta ? Ha, ha, ha.
Jac. That Laugh again, oh Heavens, how it charms !
Cla . And how graceful 'tis !
Jac. Ah, nothing but a great gilt Coach will become it.
Cla. With six Spanish Mares.
Jac. And embroidered Trappings.
Cla. With four Lackeys.
Jac. And a Page at the tail on't.
Cla. She's evidently design'd for a Person of Quality.
Isa. Besides I have so natural an Inclination for a Don,
that if my Father do force me to marry this small Creature
of a Merchant, I shall make an Intrigue with some body
of Quality.
Cla. Cou'd you but manage it well, and keep it from
Antonio.
Isa. Keep it from Antonio, is it think you for a little
silly Cit, to complain when a Don does him the Honour
to visit his Lady ? Marry, that were pretty.
Enter Francisco, and Lopez.
Fran. How, a Count to speak with me ! with me, I
say, here at Cadiz.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 137
Lop. A Count, Sir, and to speak with you.
Fran. Art sure 'tis not the Governor ? I'll go lock up
my Wife.
Lop. Governor, Sir ! No, no, 'tis a mere Stranger, Sir,
a rare Count whom I never saw all days of my life before.
Fran. And with me wou'd he speak ? I hope he comes
not to my Wife.
Enter Julia.
Jul. Oh Husband, the delicatest fine Person of Quality,
just alighted at the Door, Husband.
Fran. What, have you seen him then? the Devil's in
these Women, and there be but a Loop-hole to peep out
of they'll spy a man, I'm resolved to see this thing, go,
retire, you Women, here's Men coming up.
Isa, And will Men eat us?
Fran. No, but they may do worse, they may look on
ye, and Looking breeds Liking; and Liking, Love; and
Love a damn'd thing, call'd Desire ; and Desire begets
the Devil and all of Mischief to young Wenches Get
ye gone in, I say here's a Lord coming and Lords are
plaguy things to Women.
Isa. How, a Lord ! oh, heavens ! Jacinta, my Fan, and
set my Hair in order, oh, the Gods ! I would not but see
a Lord for all the World ! how my Heart beats already
keep your Distance behind, Jacinta y bless me, how I
tremble a little farther, Jacinta.
Fran. Come, come, Huswife, you shall be married anon,
and then let your Husband have the plague of you but
for my Gentlewoman, Oh Lord they're here.
Enter Guiliom, Carlos, and Pages, &c.
Guil. How now, Fellow, where's this old Don Francisco ?
Fran. I'm the Person, Sir.
ha. Heavens, what an Air he has !
Guil. Art thou he ? Old Lad, how dost thou do ? Hah !
Fran. I don't know.
138 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT in
Gull. Thou knowest me not it seems, old Fellow, hah !
Fran. Know you no, nor desire to do, on what
acquaintance, pray ?
GuiL By Instinct ; such as you ought to know a Person
of Quality, and pay your Civilities naturally ;. in France^
where I have travel'd, so much good manners is used, your
Citizen pulls off his hat, thus to every Horse of Quality,
and every Coach of Quality ; and do you pay my proper
Person no more respect, hah !
ha. What a Dishonour's this to me, to have so dull a
Father, that needs to be instructed in his Duty.
GuiL But, Sir, to open the eyes of your understanding
here's a Letter to you, from your Correspondent a
Merchant of Sevil.
[Gives him a dirty Letter which he wipes on his Cloke and
reads, and begins to pull off his bat, and reading on bows
lower and lower till he have finisht it.
Fran. Cry Mercy, my Lord, and yet I wou'd he were
a thousand Leagues off.
GuiL I have Bills of Exchange too, directed to thee, old
Fellow, at Sevil ; but finding thee not there, and I (as
most Persons of my Quality are) being something idle, and
never out of my way, came to this Town, to seek thee,
Fellow being recommended as thou seest here, old
Vermin here [Gives him Bills.
Isa. Ah, what a graceful Mein he has ! how fine his
Conversation ! ah, the difference between him and a filthy
Citizen !
JuL Clara has told me all. [Jac. whispering to Jul.
Car. That's she in the middle ; stand looking on her
languish ingly, your head a little on one side, so, fold
your Arms, good, now and then heave your breast with
a sigh, most excellent. [He groans.
Fran. Bills for so many thousands.
Jac. He has you in his eye already.
ha. Ah, Jacinta, thou flatterest me.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 139
Jac. Return him some kind looks in pity.
\_She sets her Eyes, and bows, &c.
Car. That other's my Mistress, couldst thoubut keep
this old Fellow in discourse whilst I give her the sign to
retire a little.
Gull. I'll warrant you I'll banter him till you have
cuckolded him, if you manage matters as well as I.
Fran. My Lord, I ask your pardon for my rudeness in
not knowing you before, which I ought to have done in
good manners I confess ; who the Devil does he stare at so?
Wife, I command you to withdraw, upon pain of our high
displeasure. my Lord, I shall dispatch your affairs, he
minds me not, Ay, 'tis my Wife, I say, Minion, be gone,
your Bills, my Lord, are good, and I accept 'em ; why
a Devil he minds me not yet, [Julia goes to t'other side to
Carlos.] and though I am not at my proper home,
I am where I can command Money, hum, sure 'tis my
Daughter, Ay, ay, 'tis so, how if he should be smitten
now ; the plaguy Jade had sure the Spirit of Prophecy in
her ; 'tis so 'tis she my Lord.
Guil. Prithee, old Fellow, Peace, I am in love.
Fran. In love, what, shall I be the Father of a Lord ?
wou'd it become me, think ye ? he's mighty full of Cogi-
tabund my Lord, sure his Soul has left the Tenement
of his Body I have his Bills here, and care not if it never
return more. \_Looks over the Bills.
Car. Dear Julia, let's retire, our time's but short.
Jul. I dare not with you, the venture wou'd be too bold
in a young beginner in the Thefts of Love.
Guil. Her Eyes are Suns, by Jove.
Car. Oh, nothing is so ventrous as Love, if it be true.
Guil. Or else, two Morning Stars,
All other Beauties are but Soot to her.
Jul. But shou'd my Husband
Car. He's safe for one dear half hour, I'll warrant
you, come.
140 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT in
Fran. Um my Wife here still, must I begin to thunder.
Jul. Lord, and you be so froward, I'll be gone.
Car. So, her Husband, kind heart, lest she should be
cruel, has himself given me the dear opportunity. [Aside.
Be sure you keep the old Fellow in discourse awhile.
Guil. Be you as sure to cuckold him. [Ex. Car. and Jul,
Old Fellow, prithee what Person of Quality is that ?
Fran. Person of Quality ! alas, my Lord, 'tis a silly
Citizen's Daughter.
Guil. A Citizen's ! what clod of Earth cou'd bring forth
such a Beauty?
Fran. Alas, my Lord, I am that clod of Earth, and to
Earth, if you call it so, she must return again, for she's to
be married to a Citizen this Morning.
Guil. Oh ! I am doubly wounded, first with her har
monious Eyes,
Who've fir'd my Heart to that degree,
No Chimney ever burnt like me.
Fair Lady, suffer the Broom of my Affection to sweep
all other Lovers from your heart.
Isa. Ah, my Lord, name it not, I'm this day to be
married.
Guil. To day ! name me the Man ; Man did I say ?
the Monster, that dares lay claim to her I deign to love,
none answer me, I'll make him smoak, by Vulcan
and all the rest of the Goddesses.
Fran. Bless me, what a furious thing this Love is?
Guil. By this bright Sword, that is so used to slaughter,
he dies; \_Draws.~\ old Fellow, say the Poltroon's name.
Fran. Oh, fearful alas, dread Sir !
ha. Ah ! sheath your Sword, and calm your generous
Rage.
Guil. I cannot brook a Rival in my Love, the rustling
Pole of my Affection is too strong to be resisted.
[Runs raging up and down the Stage with his Sword
in his hand.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 141
ha. I cannot think, my Lord, so mean a Beauty can
so suddenly charm a Heart so great as yours.
Gull. Oh ! you're mistaken, as soon as I cast my eyes
upon the Full-moon of your Countenance, I was struck
blind and dumb.
Fran. Ay, and deaf too, I'll be sworn, he cou'd neither
hear, see nor understand ; this Love's a miraculous thing.
Gull. And that Minute, the most renoun'dDon Gulielmo
Roderigo de Chimeny Sweperio, became your Gaily-Slave,
I say no more, but that I do love, and I will love,
and that if you are but half so willing as I, I will dub you,
Viscountess de Chimeny Sweperio.
ha. I am in Heaven, ah ! I die, Jacinta.
How can I credit this, that am so much unworthy?
Gut I. I'll do't, say no more, I'll do't.
Fran. Do't, but, my Lord, and with what face can I
put offSignior Antonio, hum.
Gui 1. Antonio, hy, Pages, give order that Antonio be
instantly run through the Lungs d'ye hear?
Fran. Oh, hold, hold, my Lord ! run through the Lungs!
Page. It shall be done, my Lord ! but what Antonio?
Guil. Why, any Antonio ; all the Antonio's that you find
in Cadiz.
Fran. Oh, what bloody-minded Monsters these Lords
are ! But, my Lord, I'll ne'er give you the trouble of
killing him, I'll put him off with a handsom Compliment;
as thus, Why, look ye, Friend Antonio, the business is
this, my Daughter Isabella may marry a Lord, and you may
go fiddle.
Guil. Ay, that's civil, and if he do not desist, I'll
unpeople Spain but I'll kill him ; for, Madam, I'll tell
you what happened to me in the Court of France there
was a Lady in the Court in love with me, she took a
liking to my Person which I think, you will confess
ha. To be the most accomplisht in the World.
Guil. I had some sixscore Rivals, they all took Snuff;
142 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT in
that is, were angry at which I smiled ; they were
incensed ; at which I laught, ha, ha, ha, i'faith ; they
rag'd, I when I met 'em, Cockt, thus en passant
justled 'em thus, [Overthrows Fran.] They turn'd
and frown'd, thus, I drew.
Fran. What, on all the sixscore, my Lord ?
Gull. All, all ; sa, sa, quoth I, sa, sa, sa, sa, sa, sa.
[Fences him round the Stage.
Fran. Hold, hold, my Lord, I am none of the sixscore.
Guil. And run 'em all through the Body !
Fran. Oh Heavens ! and kill'd 'em all.
Guil. Not a Man, only run 'em through the body a
little, that's all, my two Boys were by, my Pages here.
Isa. Is it the fashion, Sir, to be attended by Pagesso big ?
Guil. Pages of Honour always ; these were stinted at
nurse, or they had been good proper Fellows.
Fran. I am so frighted with this relation, that I must
up to my Wife's Chamber for a little of that strong Cordial
that recovered her this morning.
\_Going out Guil. stays him.
Guil. Why, I'll tell you, Sir, what an odd sort of a
Wound I received in a Duel the other day, nay, Ladies,
I'll shew it you ; in a very odd place in my back parts.
[Goes to untuck his Breeches^ the Ladies squeak.
Isa. Ah.
Page. Shew a Wound behind, Sir ! the Ladies will
think you are a Coward.
Guil. Peace, Child, peace, the Ladies understand Dueling
as little as my self; but, since you are so tender-hearted,
Ladies, I'll not shew you my wound ; but faith, it spoiled
my dancing. [Page comes in.
Page. My Lord, now you talk of dancing, here's your
Baggage brought from a-board the Gaily by your Seamen,
who us'd to entertain you with their rustick Sports.
Guil. Very well ; Sir, with your permission, I am
resolved whether you will or no, to give the Ladies some
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 143
divertisement, bid 'em come in ; nay, Sir, you stir not.
\_Ex. Page.
'Tis for your delight, Sir, I do't ; for, Sir, you must under
stand, a Man, if he have any thing in him, Sir, of Honour,
for the case, Sir, lies thus, 'tis not the business of an Army
to droll upon an Enemy truth is, every man loves a
whole skin ; but 'twas the fault of the best Statesmen
in Christendom to be loose in the hilts, you conceive me.
Fran. Very well, my Lord, I'll swear he's a rare spoken
man ; why, what a Son-in-law shall I have ? I have a
little business, my Lord, but I'll wait on you presently.
[ Going out.
Guil. Sir, there is nothing like your true jest ; a thing
once well done, is twice done, and I am the happiest Man
in the World in your Alliance ; for, Sir, a Nobleman if
he have any tolerable parts, is a thing much above the
Vulgar ; oh, here comes the Dancers.
Enter Dancers.
Come, sit down by me.
Fran. 'Tis my duty to stand, my Lord.
Guil. Nay, you shall sit. [ They dance.
Enter Antonio.
Ant. Good day, Sir, I hope you will not chide my
tardiness, I have a little overslept my self, and am ashamed
to see my lovely Bride, and all this worthy Company attend.
But you, fair Creature [ To Isabella.
Isa. No marrying to day, Sir.
Fran. No, Sir, no marrying to day.
Ant. How, do I dream, or hear this from Francisco ?
Guil. How now, Fellow, what art thou ?
Ant. The Husband of that proud disdainful Woman.
Guil. Another word like that and thou art
Ant. What, Sir?
Fran. Oh, hold, hold, my Lord ! Antonio, I must tell
you, you're uncivil.
144 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT in, sc. n
Guil. Dost know, dull Mortal, that I am a Lord,
And Isabella my adopted Lady.
Ant. I beg your pardon, Sir, if it be so, poor Mortals
can but grieve in silence.
Gull. Alas, poor Mortal !
Ant. But, for you, Francisco.
Fran. Ah, dear Antonio, I vow and swear I cannot chuse
but weep to lose thee ; but my Daughter was born for a
Lady, and none can help their destiny.
Ant. And is it possible thou canst use me thus ? [ To Isa.
Isa. Take away that little Fellow ; in pity of your life,
I deign to bid you withdraw and be safe.
Guil. D'ye hear, hah ? this Lady has beg'd your life.
Ant. Beg'd my Life !
Guil. Vile Wretch, dar'st thou retort?
[Draws, the Women hold him.
Fran. Oh, hold, hold, my noble Son-in-law, he shall
do any thing ; dear Antonio, consider, I was never Father
to a Lord all days of my Life before : my Lord, be
pacified, my Daughter shall be a Lady.
Isa. For my sake spare him, and be Friends with him,
as far as you may deign to be with a little Citizen.
Guil. Fellow, I forgive thee, here's my hand to kiss
in sign and token I am appeased.
[ Gives him his hand to kiss, 'tis all black.
Ant. A Pox of his honourable hand, 't had like to have
spoiled all, well, since it must be so, I am content.
Guil. So, now Peace is concluded on, on all sides, what
shall we do to day besides eating and drinking in abund
ance ; for to morrow I shall get my self in order for my
Marriage.
Cla. What thinks your Honour of taking the Air upon
the Sea, in a Galley, a League or two?
Guil. With Fiddles, Drums and Trumpets, Westphalia
hams and Pidgeons, and the like: Hey, Rogues, Scoundrels,
Dogs.
ACT iv, sc. r] THE FALSE COUNT 145
Isa. Ah, how fine is every Action of a great Man !
Gui I. Command a Galley to attend us presently.
You shall along, old Boy. \_To Fran.
Fran. Alas, I must stay at home with my Wife, my Lord.
Guil. A Wife ! have I a Mother-in-law too ? she must
along with us, and take a frisk, no denial.
Enter Carlos.
Oh, are you come ? \Aside.
Car. Yes, and thank thee for the best moment of my
Life-
Hast thou contrived the Voyage then ?
Guil. Take no care come, haste on board our
Honour will not lose the Fresco of the Morning, Follow
me, Pages.
Page. At your heels, my Lord [Exeunt.
ACT IV.
SCENE I.
Enter, as aboard the Ship, Guiliom, Isabella, Francisco, Julia,
Antonio, Clara, Jacinta, Pedro and his Wife, Pages.
Guil. Ladies and Gentlemen, you are very welcome
aboard Come, put off to Sea, Rogues, Scoundrels, Tar
paulins, to your Business, and then, every man his Bottle,
hey, Page, Rogues, where are my Men ? Come, spread
the Table for we are very hungry.
Isa. Heav'ns, what a peculiar Grace there is in every
word that comes from the Mouth of a Cavalier.
Guil. By Mars, the God of Love !
Page. By Cupid, Sir. [Aside to him.
Guil. Cupid, Sirrah ! I say, I'll have it Mars, there's
more Thunder in the Sound : I say, by Mars, these
Gallies are pretty neat convenient Tenements but a
I see ne'er a Chimney in 'em : Pox on't, what have I to
do with a Chimney now ?
Ill L
146 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT iv
Isa. He is a delicate fine Person, Jacinta ; but, methinks
he does not make Love enough to me.
Jac. Oh, Madam, Persons of his Quality never make
Love in Words, the greatness of their Actions show their
Passion.
Jac Ay, 'tis true all the little Fellows talk of Love.
Gut/. Come, Ladies, set ; Come, Isabella, you are
melancholy, Page Fill my Lady a Beer-glass.
Isa. Ah, Heav'ns, a Beer-glass.
Guil. O, your Viscountess never drinks under your
Beer-glass, your Citizens Wives simper and sip, and will
be drunk without doing Credit to the Treater; but in
their Closets, they swinge it away, whole Slashes, i'faith,
and egad, when a Woman drinks by her self, Glasses
come thick about : your Gentlewoman, or your little
Lady, drinks half way, and thinks in point of good manners,
she must leave some at the bottom ; but your true bred
Woman of Honour drinks all, Supernaculum, by Jove.
Isa. What a misfortune it was, that I should not know
this before, but shou'd discover my want of so necessary
a piece of Grandeur.
Jac. And nothing, but being fuddled, will redeem her
Credit.
Guil. Come fall to, old Boy, thou art not merry ;
what, have we none that can give us a Song?
Ant. Oh Sir, we have an Artist aboard I'll assure you ;
Signior Cashier, shall I beg the favour of you to shew
your Skill?
Pet. Sir, my Wife and I'm at your service.
Guil. Friend, what Language can you sing ?
Pet. Oh, Sir, your Singers speak all Languages.
Guil. Say'st thou so, prithee then let's have a touch of
Heathen Greek.
Pet. That you shall, Sir, Sol la me fa sol, &c.
Fran. Hum, I think this is indeed Heathen Greek, I'm
sure 'tis so to me.
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 147
Guil. Ay, that may be, but I understand every word on't.
Fran. Good lack, these Lords are very learned Men.
Pet. Now, Sir, you shall hear one of another Language
from my Wife and I. [Sing a Dialogue in French.
Enter the Captain.
Capt. Well, Gentlemen, though the news be something
unpleasant that I bring, yet to noble minds 'tis sport and
pastime.
Guil. Hah, Fellow! What's that that's sport and pastime
to noble minds.
Fran. Oh Lord, no goodness, I'll warrant.
Capt. But, Gentlemen, pluck up your Spirits, be bold
and resolute.
Fran. Oh Lord, bold and resolute ! why, what's the
matter, Captain ?
Capt. You are old, Signior, and we expect no good
from you but Prayers to Heaven ?
Fran. Oh Lord, Prayers to Heaven ! Why, I hope,
Captain, we have no need to think of Heaven.
Capt. At your own Peril be it then, Signior, for the
Turks are coming upon us.
Fran. Oh Lord, Turks, Turks! \_Ex. Cap.
Guil. Turks, oh, is that all ? [Falls to eating.
Fran. All why, they'll make Eunuchs of us, my Lord,
Eunuchs of us poor men, and lie with all our Wives.
Guil. Shaw, that's nothing, 'tis good for the Voice.
how sweetly we shall sing, ta, la, ta la la, ta la, &c.
Fran. Ay, 'twill make you sing another note, I'll
warrant you.
Enter a Seaman.
Sea. For Heaven's sake, Sirs, do not stand idle here ;
Gentlemen, if you wou'd save your lives, draw and
defend 'em. [Exit.
Fran. Draw ! I never drew any thing in my Life, but
148 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT iv
my Purse, and that most damnably against my will ; oh,
what shall I do ?
Enter Captain.
Capt. Ah, my Lord, they bear up briskly to us, with
a fresh Gale and full Sails.
Fran. Oh, dear Captain, let us tack about and go
home again.
Capt. 'Tis impossible to scape, we must fight it out.
Fran. Fight it out ! oh, I'm not able to indure it,
why, what the Devil made me a ship-board? [Ex. Cap.
Guil. Why, where be these Turks? set me to 'em, I'll
make 'em smoke, Dogs, to dare attack a man of Quality.
Isa. Oh, the Insolence of these Turks! do they know
who's aboard ? for Heaven's sake, my Lord, do not expose
your noble Person.
Guil. What, not fight ? Not fight ! A Lord, and not
fight? Shall I submit to Fetters, and see my Mistress
ravish'd by any great Turk in Christendom, and not fight?
ha. I'd rather be ravish'd a thousand times, than you
should venture your Person. [Seamen shout within.
Fran. Ay, I dare swear.
Enter Seaman.
Sea. Ah, Sirs, what mean you ? Come on the Deqk for
shame.
Ant. My Lord, let us not tamely fall, there's danger
near. [Draws.
Guil. Ay, ay, there's never smoke, but there's some
fire Come, let's away ta la, tan ta la, la la, &c. [Draws.
[Exit singing^ and Antonio and Pet.
Fran. A Pox of all Lords, I say, you must be janting
in the Devil's name, and God's dry Ground wou'd not
serve your turn. [Shout here.
Oh, how they thunder! What shall I do ? oh, for some
Auger-hole to thrust my head into, for I oould never indure
the noise of Cannons, oh, 'tis insupportable, intolerable
and not to be indur'd. [Running as mad about the Stage.
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 149
ha. Dear Father, be not so frighted. [Weeps.
Fran. Ah, Crocodile, wou'd thou hadst wept thy Eyes
out long ago, that thou hadst never seen this Count; then
he had never lov'd thee, and then we had never been
invited a ship-board. [A noise of fighting.
Enter Guiliom, Pet. and Antonio, driven in fighting by
Guzman and other Turks.
Ant. Ah, Sir, the Turks have boarded us, we're lost,
we're lost.
Fran. Oh, I am slain, I'm slain. [Falls down.
Guil. Hold, hold, I say, you are now in the presence
of Ladies, and 'tis uncivil to fight before Ladies.
Guz. Yield then, you are our Slaves.
Guil. Slaves, no Sir, we're Slaves to none but the Ladies.
[Offers to fight.
Isa. Oh, hold, rude man, d'ye know whom you
encounter ?
Guz. What's here one dead \_Lookingon Francisco.
Fran. Oh, Lord !
Guz. Or, if he be not, he's old, and past service, we'll
kill the Christian Dog out of the way.
Fran. Oh, hold, hold, I'm no Christian, Gentlemen ;
but as errant a Heathen as your selves.
Guz. Bind him strait, neck and heels, and clap him
under hatches.
Jul. Oh, spare him, Sir, look on his Reverend Age.
Guz. For your sake, Lady, much may be done, we've
need of handsom Women.
[Gives her to some Turks that are by.
Fran. Hah, my Wife! My Wife ravish'd oh, I'm
dead.
Jul. Fear not, my dear, I'll rather die than do thee
wrong.
Fran. Wou'd she wou'd, quickly, then there's her
Honour sav'd, and her Ransom, which is better.
150 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT iv
Guz. Down with the muttering Dog; [He descends.
And takes the Ladies to several Cabins.
[ The Turks take hold of the Men.
Isa. Must we be parted then ? ah, cruel Destiny !
Gut I. Alas ! this Separation's worse than Death.
Isa. You possibly may see some Turkish Ladies, that
may insnare your Heart, and make you faithless ; but I,
ah Heavens ! if ever I change my Love, may I become
deformed, and lose all hopes of Title or of Grandure.
Gull. But should the Grand Seignior behold thy Beauty,
thou wou'dst despise thine own dear hony Viscount to be
a Sultana.
Isa. A Sultana, what's that ?
Guil. Why, 'tis the great Turk, a Queen of Turkey.
Isa. These dear expressions go to my Heart. \Weept*
And yet a Sultana is a tempting thing [Aside smiling.
And you shall find your Isabella true, though the
Grand Seignior wou'd lay his Crown at my feet, wou'd
he wou'd try me though Heavens ! to be Queen of
Turkey. [Aside.
Guil. May I believe thee, but when thou seest the
difference, alas, I am but a Chimney hum, nothing to a
great Turk.
Isa. Is he so rare a thing? Oh, that I were a she
great Turk. [Aside.
Guz. Come, come, we can't attend your amorous
Parleys. [Parts ''em.
Jul. Alas, what shall we poor Women do ? [Ex. Men.
ha. We must e'en have patience, Madam, and be
ravisht.
Cla. Ravisht ! Heavens forbid.
Jac. An please the Lord, I'll let my nails grow against
that direful day.
Isa. And so will I, for I'm resolv'd none should ravish
me but the great Turk.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 151
Guz. Come, Ladies, you are Dishes to be serv'd up to
the board of the Grand Seignior.
ha. Why, will he eat us all ?
Guz. A slice of each, perhaps, as he finds his Appetite
inclin'd.
Isa. A slice, uncivil Fellow, as if this Beauty were
for a bit and away ; Sir, a word, if you will do me the
favour, to recommend me to be first served up to the
Grand Seignior, I shall remember the Civility when I am
great.
Guz. Lady, he is his own Carver, a good word by the
bye, or so, will do well, and I am a Favorite
Isa. Are you so ? here, take this Jewel, in earnest of
greater Favours [Gives him a Jewel.
[Exeunt all.
SCENE II. A Garden.
Enter Don Carlos and Lopez.
Car. But, why so near the Land? by Heaven, I saw
each action of the Fight, from yonder grove of Jessamine ;
and doubtless all beheld it from the Town.
Lop. The Captain, Sir, design'd it so, and at the
Harbour gave it out those two Galleys were purposely
prepared to entertain the Count and the Ladies with the
representation of a Sea-fight ; lest the noise of the Guns
should alarm the Town, and, taking it for a real fight,
shou'd have sent out Supplies, and so have ruin'd our
Designs.
Car. Well, have we all things in readiness ?
Lop. All, Sir, all.
Enter Page.
Page. My Lord, a Barge from the Galley is just arriv'd
at the Garden-Stairs.
Enter Guzman.
Car. I'll retire then, and fit me for my part of this
Farce.
152 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT iv
Guz. My Lord, you must retire, they're just bringing
the Old Gentleman ashore.
Car. Prithee how does he take his Captivity?
Guz. Take it, Sir ! he has cast himself into a Fit, and
has lain like one in a Trance this half hour ; 'tis impossible
for him to speak Sense this fortnight ; I'll secure his Reason
a play-day for so long at least ; your Servants, in Turkish
habits, are now his Guards, who will keep him safe enough
from hindering your designs with Julia.
Car. Whatever you do, have a care you do not over-
fright the Coxcomb, and make a Tragedy of our Comedy.
Guz. I'll warrant you, Sir, mind your Love-affairs,
he's coming in, retire, Sir.
[Ex. Car. and Page and Lop.
Enter some Turks with the body of Francisco in chains,
and lay him down on a Bank.
I Turk. Christian, so ho ho, Slave, awake.
\_R.ubbing and calling him.
Fran. Hah ! where am I ? my Wife, my Wife
where am I ? hah ! what are you ? Ghosts, Devils,
Mutes, no answer ? hah, bound in chains, Slaves,
where am I ?
I Turk. They understand not your Language ; but I,
who am a Renegado Spaniard, understand you when you
speak civilly, which I advise you to do.
Fran. Do you know me, Friend ?
I Turk. I know you to be a Slave, and the Great Turk's
Slave too.
Fran. The Great Turk, the Great Devil, why, where
am I, Friend?
I Turk. Within the Territories of the Grand Seignior,
and this a Palace of Pleasure, where he recreates himself
with his Mistresses.
Fran. And how far is that from Cadiz ? but what
care I r my Wife, Friend, my own Wife.
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 153
I Turk, Your own, a true Musselman cou'd have said
no more ; but take no care for her, she's provided for.
Fran. Is she dead ? That wou'd be some comfort.
i Turk. No, she's alive, and in good hands.
Fran. And in good hands ! oh, my head ! and, oh, my
heart ! ten thousand tempests burst the belly of this day,
wherein old Francisco ventur'd Life and Limbs, Liberty
and Wife to the mercy of these Heathen Turks.
I Turk. Friend, you need not thus complain ; a good
round Ransom redeems ye.
Fran. A round Ransom ! I'll rot in my chains first,
before I'll part with a round ransom.
I Turk. You have a fair Wife, and need not fear good
usage, if she knows how to be kind. You apprehend me.
Fran. Patience, good Lord.
I Turk. Perhaps the Grand Seignior may like her, and
to be favour'd by him in such a Glory
Fran. As the Devil take me if I desire.
I Turk. And then you may in triumph laugh at all the
rest of your Brother Cuckolds.
Fran. Hum, and has the Devil serv'd me thus? but
no matter, I must be gadding, like an old Coxcomb, to
Cadiz, and then, jaunting to Sea, with a Pox, to take
pains to be a Cuckold, to bring my Wife into a strange
Land, amongst Unbelievers, with a vengeance, as if we had
not honest Christian Cuckold-makers enough at home;
Sot that I was, not to consider how many Merchants have
been undone by trusting their Commodities out at Sea ;
why, what a damn'd ransom will the Rogues exact from
me, and more for my Wife, because she's handsome ; and
then, 'tis ten to one, I have her turned upon my hands the
worse for wearing; oh, damn'd Infidels ! no, 'tis resolv'd,
I'll live a Slave here, rather than enrich them.
I Turk. Friend, you'll know your Destiny presently;
for 'tis the custom of the Great Turk to view the Captives,
and consider of their Ransoms and Liberties, according
154 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT iv
to his pleasure. See, he is coming forth with the Vizier
Bass a.
Enter Carlos and Guzman as Turks with Followers.
Most mighty Emperor, behold your Captive.
Fran. Is this the Great Turk ?
i Turk. Peace.
Fran. Bless me ! as we at home describe him, I thought
the Great Turk had been twice as big ; but I shall find him
Tyrant big enough, I'll warrant him.
Guz. Of what Nation art thou, Slave ? speak to the
Emperor, he understands thee, though he deign not to hold
discourse with Christian Dogs.
Fran. Oh fearful ! Spain^ so please you, Sir.
Guz. By Mahomet, he'll make a reverend Eunuch.
Fran. An Eunuch ! oh, Lord !
i Turk. Ay, Sir, to guard his Mistresses, 'tis an honour.
Fran. Oh ! Mercy, Sir, that honour you may spare,
Age has done my business already.
Guz. Fellow, what art ?
Fran. An't please your Worship, I cannot tell.
Guz. How, not tell ?
Fran. An't please your Lordship, my Fears have so
transform'd me, I cannot tell whether I'm any thing or
nothing.
Guz. Thy name, dull Mortal, know'st thou not that ?
Fran. An't please your Grace, now I remember me,
methinks I do.
Guz. Dog, how art thou call'd ?
Fran. An't like your Excellence, Men call'd me Signior
Don Francisco, but now they will call me Coxcomb.
Guz. Of what Trade ?
Fran. An't please your Highness, a Gentleman.
Guz. How much dost thou get a day by that Trade? Hah!
Fran. An't like your Majesty, our Gentlemen never
get but twice in all their lives ; that is, when Fathers die,
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 155
they get good Estates ; and when they marry, they get rich
Wives : but I know what your Mightiness wou'd get by
going into my Country and asking the Question.
Guz. What, Fool ?
Fran. A good Cudgelling, an't please your Illustrious-
ness.
Guz. Slave ! To my Face ! Take him away, and let
him have the Strapado.
Car. Baridama y Dermack.
Fran. Heavens, what says he ?
I Turk. He means to have you castrated.
Fran. Castrated ! Oh, that's some dreadful thing, I'll
warrant, Gracious Great Turk^ for Mahomet's sake,
excuse me ; alas, I've lost my wits.
Car. Galero Gar dines?
Guz. The Emperor asks if thou art married, Fellow.
Fran. Hah Married I was, an't like your Mon-
sterousness, but, I doubt, your People have spoiled my
Property.
Guz. His Wife, with other Ladies, in a Pavillion in
the Garden, attend your Royal pleasure.
Car. Go, fetch her hither presently. \_Ex. Guz.
I Turk. This is no common Honour, that the Great
Turk deigns to speak your Language ; 'tis to sign you'll rise.
Fran. Yes, by the height of a pair of Horns.
Car. Is she handsom ?
Fran. Oh, what an Ague shakes my Heart, handsom!
alas, no, dread Sir ; what shou'd such a deform'd Polecat
as I do with a handsom Wife?
Car. Is she young ?
Fran. Young, what shou'd such an old doting Coxcomb
as I do with a young Wife ? Pox on him for a Heathen
Whoremaster.
Car. Old is she then ?
Fran. Ay, very old, an't please your Gloriousness.
Car. Is she not capable of Love ?
156 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT iv
Fran. Hum, so, so, like Fire conceal'd in a Tinder-
box, I shall run mad.
Car. Is she witty ?
Fran. I'm no competent Judge, an't like your Holiness,
This Catechism was certainly of the Devil's own
making. [Aside.
Enter Guzman, bringing in Julia, Clara, Isabella, Jacinta,
Guiliom, Antonio, &c. Women veiled.
Car. These, Sir, are all the Slaves of Note are taken.
ha. Dost think, Jacinta, he'll chuse me ?
Jac. I'll warrant you, Madam, if he looks with my Eyes.
Guz. Stand forth. [ To the Men.
Guil. Stand forth, Sir ! why, so I can, Sir, I dare show
my Face, Sir, before any Great Turk in Christendom.
Car. What are you, Sir ?
Guil. What am I, Sir ? Why, I'm a Lord, a Lord.
Fran. What, are you mad to own your Quality, he'll
ask the Devil and all of a ransom.
Guil. No matter for that, I'll not lose an Inch of my
Quality for a King's ransom j disgrace my self before my
fair Mistress !
ha. That's as the Great Turk and I shall agree.
[Scornfully.
Car. What are you, Sir ?
Ant. A Citizen of Cadiz.
Car. Set 'em by, we'll consider of their ransoms now
unveil the Ladies. [Guzman unveils Jacinta.
Fran. Oh, dear Wife, now or never show thy Love,
make a damnable face upon the filthy Ravisher, glout thy
Eyes thus and thrust out thy upper lip, thus.
[Guzman presents Jacinta.
Guil. Oh, dear Isabella, do thee look like a Dog too.
ha. No, Sir, I'm resolv'd I'll not lose an Inch of my
Beauty, to save so trifling a thing as a Maiden head.
Car. Very agreeable, pretty and chearful
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 157
[She is veiTd and set by : Then Clara is unveil* d.
A most divine bud of Beauty all Nature's Excellence
drawn to the life in little, what are you, fair one?
Cla. Sir, I'm a Maid.
Fran. So, I hope he will pitch upon her.
Cla. Only, by promise, Sir, I've given my self away.
Car. What happy Man cou'd claim a title in thee,
And trust thee to such danger ?
Isa. Heavens, shall I be defeated by this little Creature ?
What pity 'twas he saw me not first ?
Cla. I dare not name him, Sir, lest this small Beauty
which you say adorns me, shou'd gain him your displea
sure ; he's in your presence, Sir, and is your Slave.
Car. Such Innocence this plain Confession shows, name
me the man, and I'll resign thee back to him.
Fran. A Pox of his Civility.
Ant. This Mercy makes me bold to claim my right.
[Kneels.
Car. Take her, young Man, and with it both your
Ransoms.
Gull. Hum hum very noble, i'faith, we'll e'en confess
our loves too, Isabella.
ha. S'life, he'll spoil all, hold pray let your Betters
be serv'd before you.
GuiL How ! Is the Honour of my Love despised ?
wer't not i'th presence of the Great Turk, for whom I have
a reverence because he's a man of quality by Jove y I'd
draw upon you.
ha. Because you were my Lover once, when I'm
Queen I'll pardon you.
[Guzman unveils her, and leads her to Carlos, she
making ridiculous actions of Civility.
Car. What aukard, fond, conceited thing art thou ?
Veil her, and take the taudry Creature hence.
GuiL Hum your Majesty's humble Servant.
[Putting off his Hat ridiculously.
158 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT iv
Fran. How ! refuse my Daughter too ! I see the Lot
of a Cuckold will fall to my share.
Guz. This is the Wife, Great Sir, of this old Slave.
[ Unveils Julia.
Car. Hah ! what do I see, by Mahomet, she's fair.
Fran. So, so, she's condemn'd ; oh, damn'd Mahometan
Cannibal ! will nothing but raw flesh serve his turn.
Car. I'll see no more, here I have fix'd my heart.
Fran. Oh, Monster of a Grand Seignior!
Guz. Have you a mind to be flead, Sir?
Car. Receive my Handkerchief. [Throws it to her.
Fran. His Handkerchief! bless me, what does he mean?
Guz. To do her the honour to lie with her to night.
Fran. Oh, hold, most mighty Turk. [Kneeling.
Guz. Slave, darest thou interrupt 'em, die, Dog.
Fran. Hold, hold, I'm silent.
Car. I love you, fair one, and design to make you
Fran. A most notorious Strumpet. A Pox of his
Courtesy.
Car. What Eyes you have like Heaven blue and
charming, a pretty Mouth, Neck round and white as
polisht Alabaster, and a Complexion beauteous as an Angel,
a Hair fit to moke Bonds to insnare the God of Love,
a sprightly Air, a Hand like Lillies white, and Lips, no
Roses opening in a Morning are half so sweet and soft.
Fran. Oh, damn'd circumcised Turk.
Car. You shall be call'd the beautiful Sultana,
And rule in my Seraglio drest with Jewels.
Fran. Sure, I shall burst with Vengeance.
Jul. Sir, let your Virtue regulate your Passions ;
For I can ne'er love any but my Husband.
Fran. Ah, dissembling Witch !
Jul. And wou'd not break my Marriage Vows to him,
For all the honour you can heap upon me.
Fran. Say, and hold ; but Suhana and precious Stones
are damnable Temptations, besides, the Rogue's young
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 159
and handsome, What a scornful look she casts at me ;
wou'd they were both handsomely at the Devil together.
Guz. Dog, do you mutter ?
Fran. Oh ! nothing, nothing, but the Palsy shook my
Lips a little.
Guz. Slave, go, and on your knees resign your Wife.
Fran. She's of years of discretion, and may dispose of her
self; but I can hold no longer : and is this your Mahometan
Conscience, to take other Mens Wives, as if there were not
single Harlots enough in the World? [/ rage.
Guz. Peace, thou diminutive Christian.
Fran. I say, Peace thou over-grown Turk.
Guz. Thou Spanish Cur.
Fran. Why, you're a Mahometan Bitch, and you go
to that.
Guz. Death, I'll dissect the bald-pated Slave.
Fran. I defy thee, thou foul filthy Cabbage-head, for
I am mad, and will be valiant.
[Guz. throws his Turbant at him.
Car. What Insolence is this! Mutes strangle him.
[ They put a Bow-string about his neck.
Jul. Mercy, dread Sir, I beg my Husband's life.
Car. No more, this fair one bids you live, hence
forth, Francisco, I pronounce you a Widower, and shall
regard you, for the time to come, as the deceased Husband
of the Great Sultana, murmur not upon pain of being
made an Eunuch take him away.
Jul. Go, and be satisfied, I'll die before I'll yield.
Fran. Is this my going to Sea? the Plague of losing
Battels light on thee.
When ill success shall make thee idle lie,
Mayst thou in bed be impotent as I.
Car. Command our Slaves to give us some diversion ;
Dismiss his Chains, and use him with respect, because he
was the Husband of our beloved Sultana.
160 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT iv
Fran. I see your Cuckold might have a life good enough
if he cou'd be contented. [ They pull off his Chains.
[Carlos and Julia sit under an Umbrella.
The SONG.
How strangely does my Passion grow.
Divided equally twixt two ?
Damon had ne'er subdued my Heart,
Had not Alexis took his part :
Nor cou'd Alexis powerful prove,
Without my Damon's aid, to gain my Love.
When my Alexis present is,
Then I for Damon sigh and mourn ;
But when Alexis / do miss,
Damon gains nothing but my Scorn :
And, if it chance they both are by,
For both, alas! I languish, sigh, and die.
Cure then, thou mighty winged God,
This raging Fever in my Blood.
One golden-pointed Dart take back ;
But which, O Cupid, wilt thou take?
//"Damon's, all my hopes are crost :
Or, that of my Alexis, / am lost.
Enter Dancers, which dance an Antick.
Car. Come, my dear Julia, let's retire to shades.
\_Aside to her.
Where only thou and I can find an entrance ;
These dull, these necessary delays of ours
Have drawn my Love to an impatient height.
Attend these Captives, at a respectful distance.
\Ex. all but Isa. who stays Guil.
Gull. What wou'd the Great Sultana ?
sc. n] THE FALSE COUNT 161
ha. Ah ! do not pierce my Heart with this unkindness.
Gull. Ha, ha, ha, Pages, give order, I have Letters writ
to Sevil) to my Merchant, I will be ransomed instantly.
ha. Ah, cruel Count !
Gull. Meaning me, Lady ! ah, fy ! no, I am a Scoun
drel ; I a Count, no, not I, a Dog, a very Chim hum,
a Son of a Whore, I, not worthy your notice.
ha. Oh, Heavens! must I lose you then ? no, I'll die first.
Guil. Die, die, then ; for your Betters must be served
before you.
ha. Oh ! I shall rave ; false and lovely as you are, did
you not swear to marry me, and make me a Viscountess.
Guil. Ay, that was once when I was a Lover ; but, now
you are a Queen, you're too high i'th' mouth for me.
ha. Ah ! name it not ; will you be still hard-hearted ?
Guil. As a Flint, by Jove.
ha. Have you forgot your Love ?
Guil. I've a bad memory.
ha. And will you let me die ?
Guil. I know nothing of the matter.
ha. Oh Heavens! and shall I be no Viscountess?
Guil. Not for me, fair Lady, by Jupiter, no, no,
Queen's much better, Death, affront a man of Honour,
a Viscount that wou'd have took you to his Bed, after
half the Town had blown upon you, without examining
either Portion or Honesty, and wou'd have took you for
better for worse Death, I'll untile Houses, and demolish
Chimneys, but I'll be revenged. [Draws and is going out.
ha. Ah, hold ! your Anger's just, I must confess : yet
pardon the frailty of my Sex's vanity ; behold my Tears
that sue for pity to you. [She weeps, he stands looking on her.
Guil. My rage dissolves.
ha. I ask but Death, or Pity. \_He weeps.
Guil. I cannot hold ; but if I shou'd forgive, and
marry you, you wou'd be gadding after honour still,
longing to be a she Great Turk again.
Ill M
1 62 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT v
ha. Break not my heart with such suspicions of me.
Gull. And is it pure and tender Love for my Person,
And not for my glorious Titles?
ha. Name not your Titles, 'tis your self I love,
Your amiable, sweet and charming self,
And I cou'd almost wish you were not great,
To let you see my Love.
Guil. I am confirm'd
'T/5 no respect of Honour makes her weep ;
Her Love's the same should I cry Chimney Sweep. [Ex.
ACT V.
SCENE I. A Garden.
Enter Francisco alone.
Fran. Now am I afraid to walk in this Garden, lest I
shou'd spy my own natural Wife lying with the Great
Turk in Fresco, upon some of these fine flowry Banks,
and learning how to make Cuckolds in Turkey.
Enter Guzman and Jacinta.
Guz. Nay, dear Jacinta, cast an eye of pity on me.
What, deny the Vizier Bassa ?
Jac. When you are honest Guzman again, I'll tell you
a piece of my mind.
Guz. But opportunity will not be kind to Guzman, as
to the Grand Bassa; therefore, dear Rogue, let's retire
into these kind shades, or, if foolish Virtue be so squeamish,
and needless Reputation so nice, that Mr. Vicar must say
Amen to the bargain, there is an old lousy Frier, belonging
to this Villa, that will give us a cast of his Office ; for I
am a little impatient about this business, Greatness having
infus'd a certain itch in my Blood, which I felt not whilst
a common Man.
Fran. Um, why, what have we here, pert Mrs. Jacinta
and the Bassa ? I hope the Jade will be Turkefied with
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 163
a vengeance, and have Circumcision in abundance ; and
the Devil shall ransom her for old Francisco.
Jac. Hah, the old Gentleman !
Fran. What, the Frolick is to go round, I see, you
Women have a happy time on't.
Guz. Men that have kind Wives may be as happy ;
you'll have the honour of being made a Cuckold, Heaven
be prais'd.
Fran. Ay, Sir, I thank ye, pray, under the Rose, how
does my Wife please his Grace the Great Turk?
Guz. Murmuring again, thou Slave.
Fran. Who, I ? O Lord, Sir ! not I, why, what hurt is
there in being a Cuckold ?
Guz. Hurt, Sirrah, you shall be swinged into a belief,
that it is an honour for the Great Turk to borrow your Wife.
Fran. But for the Lender to pay Use-money, is some
what severe; but, see, he 1 comes, bless me, how grim
he looks !
Enter Carlos, and Mutes attending.
Car. Come hither, Slave, why, was it that I gave you
Life? dismiss'd the Fetters from your aged Limbs?
Fran. For love of my Wife, and't please your Bar-
barousness.
Car. Gave you free leave to range the Palace round,
excepting my Apartment only ?
Fran. Still for my Wife's sake, I say, and't like your
Hideousness.
Car. And yet this Wife, this most ungrateful Wife of
yours, again wou'd put your Chains on, expose your Life
to Dangers and new Torments, by a too stubborn Virtue,
she does refuse my Courtship, and foolishly is chaste.
Fran. Alas ! what pity's that !
Car. I offer'd much, lov'd much, but all in vain ;
Husband and Honour still was the reply.
Fran. Good lack ! that she shou'd have no more Grace
before her Eyes.
164 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT v
Car. But, Slave, behold these Mutes ; that fatal Instru
ment of Death behold too, and in 'em read thy doom,
if this coy Wife of yours be not made flexible to my
Addresses.
Fran. O Heavens ! I make her.
Car. No more, thy Fate is fix'd and, here attend, till
he himself deliver his willing Wife into my Arms ; Bassa,
attend, and see it be perform'd [ To bis Mutes, then to Guz.
[Ex. Car.
Guz. Go, one of you, and fetch the fair Slave hither.
[Ex. Turk.
Fran. I pimp for my own Wife ! I hold the door to my
own Flesh and Blood ! O monstrum horrendum !
Guz. Nay, do't, and do't handsomly too, not with a
snivelling Countenance, as if you were compell'd to't ;
but with the face of Authority, and the awful command
of a Husband or thou dyest.
Enter Turk and Julia.
Fran. My dear Julia, you are a Fool, my Love.
Jul. For what, dear Husband ?
Fran. I say, a silly Fool, to refuse the Love of so great
a Turk ; why, what a Pox makes you so coy ? [Angrily.
Jul. How ! this from you, Francisco.
Fran. Now does my Heart begin to fail me ; and yet I
shall ne'er endure strangling neither ; why, am not I your
Lord and Master, hah ?
Jul. Heavens ! Husband, what wou'd you have me do r
Fran. Have you do ; why, I wou'd have ye d'ye
see 'twill not out ; why, I wou'd have ye lie with the
Sultan, Huswife ; I wonder how the Devil you have the
face to refuse him, so handsom, so young a Lover ; come,
come, let me hear no more of your Coyness, Mistress, for
if I do, I shall be hang'd ; [Aside.
The Great Turk's a most worthy Gentleman, and there
fore I advise you to do as he advises you ; and the Devil
take ye both. [Aside.
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 165
Jul. This from my Husband, old Francisco! he advise
me to part with my dear Honour.
Fran. Rather than part with his dear Life, I thank ye.
\Andt.
Jul. Have you considered the Virtue of a Wife ?
Fran. No, but I have considered the Neck of a Husband.
[Aside.
Jul. Which Virtue, before I'll lose, I'll die a thousand
Deaths.
Fran. So will not I one ; a Pox of her Virtue, these
Women are always virtuous in a wrong place. [Aside.
I say you shall be kind to the sweet Sultan.
Jul. And rob my Husband of his right !
Fran. Shaw, Exchange is no Robbery.
Jul. And forsake my Virtue, and make nown Dear a
Cuckold.
Fran. Shaw, most of the Heroes of the World were
so ; go, prithee, Hony, go, do me the favour to cuckold
me a little, if not for Love, for Charity.
Jul. Are you in earnest?
Fran. I am.
Jul. And would it not displease you?
Fran. I say, no ; had it been Aquinius his Case, to have
sav'd the pinching of his Gullet he wou'd have been a
Cuckold. [Aside.
Jul. Fear has made you mad, or you're bewitcht ; and
I'll leave you to recover your Wits again. [Going out.
Fran. O gracious Wife, leave me not in despair ;
[Kneels to her and holds her.'] I'm not mad, no, nor no more
bewitcht than I have been these forty years ; 'tis you're
bewitcht to refuse so handsom, so young, and so a Pox
on him, she'll ne'er relish me again after him. \_Aside.
Jul. Since you've lost your Honour with your wits, I'll
try what mine will do.
Enter Carlos, Turks.
Fran. Oh, I am lost, I'm lost dear Wife, most
1 66 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT v
mighty Sir, I've brought her finely to't do not make me
lose my credit with his Mahometan Grace, my Wife has
a monstrous Affection for your Honour, but she's some
thing bashful ; but when alone your Magnanimousness
will find her a swinger.
Car. Fair Creature
Jul. Do you believe my Husband, Sir? he's mad.
Car. Dog. {.Offers to kill him.
Fran. Hold, mighty Emperor ; as I hope to be saved,
'tis but a copy of her Countenance inhuman Wife lead
her to your Apartment, Sir ! barbarous honest Woman,
to your Chamber, Sir, wou'd I had married thee an errant
Strumpet ; nay, to your Royal Bed, Sir, I'll warrant you she
gives you taunt for taunt : try her, Sir, try her. \ Puts' emmt.
Jac. Hark you, Sir, are you possest, or is it real refor
mation in you? what mov'd this kind fit?
Fran. E'en Love to sweet Life; and I shall think my
self ever obliged to my dear Wife, for this kind Reprieve ;
had she been cruel, I had been strangled, or hung in the
Air like our Prophet's Tomb.
Enter First Turk.
I Turk. Sir, boast the honour of the News I bring you.
Fran. Oh, my Head ! how my Brows twinge.
I Turk. The mighty Sultan, to do you honour, has set
your Daughter and her Lover free, ransomless; and this
day gives 'em liberty to solemnize the Nuptials in the
Court; but Christian Ceremonies must be private; but
you're to be admitted, and I'll conduct you to 'em.
Fran. Some Comfort, I shall be Father to a Viscount,
and for the rest Patience
All Nations Cuckolds breed, but I deny
They had such need of Cuckolding as I.
\_Gaes out with the Turk.
Enter Antonio, and Clara to Jacinta.
Jac. Madam, the rarest sport Ha, ha, ha.
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 167
Ant. You need not tell us, we have been witness to all.
But to our own Affairs, my dearest Clara,
Let us not lose this blessed opportunity,
Which Art nor Industry can give again if this be idly lost.
Cla. Nay, hang me if it be my fault, Antonio : Charge it
to the number of your own Sins ; it shall not lie at my door.
Ant. 'Tis generously said, and take notice, my little dear
Virago, Guzman has a Priest ready to tie you to your word.
Cla. As fast as you please ; hang her that fears the con
juring knot for me : But what will our Fathers say mine
who expects me to be the Governor's Lady ; and yours,
who designs Isabella for a Daughter-in-Law ?
Ant. Mine will be glad of the Change ; and, for yours,
if he be not pleased, let him keep his Portion to himself
that's the greatest mischief he can do us: and for my
Friend, the Governor, he's above their Anger.
Cla. Why do we lose precious time? I long to be at
I Clara take thee Antonio, the very Ceremony will be
tedious, so much I wish thee mine; and each delay gives
me a fear something will snatch me from thee.
Ant. No power of Man can do't, thou art so guarded ;
but now the Priest is employed in clapping up the hon
ourable Marriage between the False Count and Isabella.
Jac. Lord, what a jest 'twill be to see 'em coupled, ha, ha.
Cla. Unmerciful Antonio, to drive the Jest so far ; 'tis
too unconscionable !
Ant. By Heaven, I'm so proud I cannot think my
Revenge sufficient for Affronts, nor does her Birth, her
Breeding and her Vanity deserve a better Fortune;
besides, he has enough to set up for a modern Spark
the Fool has just Wit and good Manners to pass for a Fop
of Fashion ; and, where he is not known, will gain the
Reputation of a fine accomplish 'd Gentleman, yet I'm
resolved she shall see him in his Geers, in hisoriginal Filthi-
ness, that my Revenge may be home upon the foolish Jilt.
Cla. Cruel Antonio, come, lets go give 'em Joy.
1 68 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT v
Ant. And finish our Affair with Mr. Vicar.
Enter Isabella, her Train borne by the great Page, Guiliom,
with the other great Page, and Francisco bare.
Joy to my noble Lord, and you, fair Isabella!
ha. Thank thee, Fellow, but, surely, I deserved my
Titles from thee.
Cla. Your Honour I hope will pardon him.
ha. How now, Clara! [Nodding to her.
Jac. I give your Honour joy.
ha. Thank thee, poor Creature.
Fran. My Lord, this Honour you have done my Daughter
is so signal, that whereas I designed her but five thousand
Pound, I will this happy day settle on her ten.
Gull. Damn dirty trash, your Beauty is sufficient hum
Signior Don Antonio^ get the Writings ready. [Aside.
Money hang Money.
Fran. How generous these Lords are; nay, my Lord, you
must not refuse a Father's Love, if I may presume to call
you Son I shall find enough besides for my Ransom, if the
Tyrant be so unmerciful to ask more than my Wife pays him.
Guil. Nay, if you will force it upon me.
ha. Ay, take it, the trifling sum will serve to buy our
Honour Pins.
Ant. Well, Sir, since you will force it on him, my
Cashier shall draw the Writings.
Guil. And have 'em signed by a publick Notary. [Aside.
Fran. With all my Soul, Sir, I'll go to give him order,
and subscribe. [Ex. Francisco.
Guil. Let him make 'em strong and sure you shall
go halves. [Aside.
Ant. No, you will deserve it dearly, who have the
plague of such a Wife with it ; but harkye, Count
these goods of Fortune are not to be afforded you, with
out Conditions.
Guil. Shaw, Conditions, any Conditions, noble Antonio.
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 169
Ant. You must disrobe anon, and do'n your native
Habiliments and in the Equipage give that fair Viscount
ess to understand the true quality of her Husband.
Gull. Hum I'm afraid, 'tis a harder task to leap from
a Lord to a Rogue, than 'tis from a Rogue to a Lord.
Ant. Not at all, we have examples of both daily.
Gull. Well, Sir, I'll show you my agility but, Sir, I
desire I may consummate, d'ye see, consummate a
little like a Lord, to make the Marriage sure.
Ant. You have the Freedom to do so the Writings
I'll provide.
Gull. I'll about it then, the Priest waits within for you,
and Guzman for you, Jaclnta^ haste, for he is to arrive
anon Ambassador from Cadiz.
Jac. I know not, this noise of Weddings has set me
agog, and I'll e'en in, and try what 'tis.
[Ex. Antonio, Clara, and Jacinta.
Gull. Come, Madam, your Honour and I have some
thing else to do, before I have fully dub'd you a Viscountess.
ha. Ah, Heav'ns, what's that?
Gull. Why a certain Ceremony, which must be per
formed between a pair of Sheets, but we'll let it alone
till Night.
ha. Till Night, no; whate'er it be, I wou'd not be
without an Inch of that Ceremony, that may compleat
my Honour for the World ; no, for Heaven's sake, let's
retire, and dub me presently.
Gull. Time enough, time enough.
ha. You love me not, that can deny me this.
Gull. Love no, we are married now, a>nd People of
our Quality never Love after Marriage ; 'tis not great.
ha. Nay, let's retire, and compleat my Quality, and
you will find me a Wife of the Mode, I'll warrant you.
Gull. For once you have prevail'd.
Enter Francisco.
Fran. Whither away ?
THE FALSE COUNT [ACT v
Isa. Only to consummate a little, pray keep your dis
tance. \Shepullsoffhishat.
Fran. Consummate !
ha. Ay, Sir, that is to make me an absolute Viscountess
we cannot stay farewel. [Guiliom leads her out.
Fran. Hum this Turkey Air has a notable faculty,
where the Women are all plaguy kind.
Enter Carlos and Julia.
Car. By Heav'n, each Moment makes me more your
Slave.
Fran. The Business is done.
Jul. My Husband ! [Aside.
Car. And all this constant love to old Francisco has but
engaged me more.
Fran. Ha, Love to me? \_Aside.
Jul. Sir, if this Virtue be but real in you, how happy
I shou'd be ; but you'll relapse again, and tempt my virtue,
which if you do
Fran. I'll warrant she wou'd kill herself. [Aside.
Jul. I should be sure to yield. [/ a soft tone to him.
Car. No, thou hast made an absolute Conquest o'er
me and if that Beauty tempt me every hour, I shall still
be the same I was the last.
Fran. Pray Heaven he be John.
Enter First Turk.
i Turk. Most mighty Emperor, a Messenger from
Cadiz has Letters for your Highness.
Car. Conduct him in ; in this retreat of ours we use
no State.
Enter Guzman, as himself, gives Carlos Letters.
Guz. Don Carlos, Governor of Cadiz, greets your
Highness.
Carlos read S;
High and Mighty,
FOR seven Christian Slaves, taken lately by a Galley of yours,
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 171
we offer you twice the number a/Mahometans taken from you
by us. If this suffice not, propose your Ransoms, and they
shall be paid by
Don Carlos, Governor of Cadiz.
Know you this Carlos offers so fair for you?
Fran. Most potent Lord, I do, and wonder at the
Compliment, and yet I am not jealous I have so over
acted the complaisant Husband, that I shall never fall into
the other Extreme again.
Car. Go, let the Christian Governor understand his
Request is granted.
Guz. The Slaves are ready, Sir, and a Galley to carry
off the Christians.
Jul. How shall we make this Governor amends?
Fran. I do even weep for joy ; alas, I must leave it to
thee, Love.
Jul. To me, Sir ? do you mock me ?
Fran. Mock thee ! no ; I know thy Virtue, and will
no more be jealous, believe me, Chicken, I was an old Fool.
Car. Your Wife is chaste she overcame my unruly
Passion with her Prayers and Tears.
Enter Isabella at one door ; Clara, Antonio, Jacinta, at
another ; Isabella's Train carried up.
Fran. Rare News, we are all free and ransom'd !
All's well, and the Man has his Mare again.
Isa. You still forget your Duty and your Distance.
Fran. A pox of your troublesom Honour ; a man can't
be overjoy'd in quiet for't.
Enter Baltazer and Sebastian.
Seb. Sure, I am not mistaken, this is the House of my
Son Antonio.
Bal. Let it be whose house 'twill, I think the Devil's
broke loose in't.
Seb. Or the T^urks ; for I have yet met with ne'er a
Christian thing in't.
172 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT v
Fran. Hah, do I dream, or is that my Father-in-law,
and Signior Sebastian ?
Ant. My Father here ?
Car. Baltazer! [Aside.
Bal. Son Francisco, why do you gaze on me so ?
Fran. Bless me, Sir, are you taken by the Great Turk too ?
Bal. Taken, Great Turk, what do mean ?
Fran. Mean, Sir ! why, how the Devil came you into
Turkey ?
Bal. Sure, Jealousy has crack'd his brains.
Fran. Crack me no Cracks, good Father mine ; am
not I a Slave in Turkey ? and is not this the Grand Seignior's
Palace ?
Car. So, all will come out, there's no prevention. \_Aside.
Seb. Some that are wiser answer us : You, Son, are
you infected too ? was not yesterday to have been your
Wedding-day ?
Ant. To day has done as well, Sir, I have only chang'd
Isabella for Clara.
Seb. How, Francisco, have you juggled with me ?
Fran. My Daughter's a Lady, Sir.
Bal. And you, Mistress, you have married Antonio, and
left the Governor.
Cla . I thought him the fitter Match, Sir, and hope your
Pardon.
Jul. We cannot scape.
Fran. But how came you hither, Gentlemen, how
durst you venture ?
Seb. Whither, Sir, to my own Son's house ; is there
such danger in coming a mile or two out of Cadiz ?
Fran. Is the Devil in you, or me, or both ? Am not
I in the Possession of Turks and Infidels?
Bal. No, Sir; safe in Antonio Villa, within a League of
Cadiz.
Fran. Why, what a Pox, is not this the Great Turk
himself?
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 173
Bal. This, Sir, cry mercy, my Lord, 'tis Don Car-
loSj Sir, the Governor.
Fran. The Governor ! the worst Great Turk of all ; so,
I am cozened, most rarely cheated ; why, what a horrid
Plot's here carried on, to bring in heretical Cuckoldom ?
Car. Well, Sir, since you have found it out, I'll own
my Passion.
Jul. Well, if I have been kind you forced me to't, nay,
begged on your knees, to give my self away.
Fran. Guilty, guilty, I confess, but 'twas to the Great
Turk, Mistress, not Don Carlos.
Jul. And was the Sin the greater?
Fran. No, but the Honour was less.
Bal. Oh horrid ! What, intreat his Wife to be a Whore ?
Car. Sir, you're mistaken, she was my Wife in sight
of Heaven before ; and I but seiz'd my own.
Fran. Oh, Sir, she's at your Service still.
Car. I thank you, Sir, and take her as my own.
Bal. Hold, my Honour's concerned.
Fran. Not at all, Father mine, she's my Wife, my
Lumber now, and, I hope, I may dispose of my Goods
and Chattels if he takes her we are upon equal terms,
for he makes himself my Cuckold, as he has already made
me his ; for, if my memory fail me not, we did once
upon a time consummate, as my Daughter has it.
Enter Guiliom in his own dress ; crying Chimney-Sweep.
Gull. Chimney-sweep, by your leave, Gentlemen.
Ant. Whither away, Sirrah ?
Guil. What's that to you, Sir ?
Ant. Not to me, Sirrah ; who wou'd you speak with ?
Guil. What's that to you, Sir ? why, what a Pox, may
not a man speak with his own Lady and Wife ?
Cla. Heavens ! his Wife ! to look for his Wife amongst
Persons of Quality L
Car. Kick out the Rascal.
174 THE FALSE COUNT [ACT v
Guil. As soon as you please, my Lord ; but let me take
my Wife along with me. [ Takes Isa. by the hand.
Isa. Faugh ! what means the Devil ?
Guil. Devil; 'twas not long since you found me a
human creature within there.
Isa. Villain, Dog ; help me to tear his Eyes out.
Guil. What, those Eyes, those lovely Eyes, that
wounded you so deeply ?
Fran. What's the meaning of all this? why, what, am
I cozen'd ? and is my Daughter cozen'd ?
Guil. Cozen'd ! why, I am a Man, Sir.
Fran. The Devil you are, Sir, how shall I know that?
Guil. Your Daughter does, Sir ; and that's all one.
ha. Oh ! I'm undone ; am I no Viscountess then.
Guil. Hang Titles ; 'twas my self you lov'd, my amiable
sweet and charming self: In fine, sweet-heart, I am your
Husband ; no Viscount, but honest Guiliom, the Chimney
sweeper. I heard your Father design'd to marry you to a
Tradesman, and you were for a Don ; and to please you
both, you see how well I have managed matters.
Fran. I'll not give her a farthing.
Guil. No matter, her Love's worth a million ; and,
that's so great, that I'm sure she'll be content to carry
my Soot basket after me.
ha. Ah ! I die, I die.
Guil. What, and I so kind? [Goes and kisses her^ and
ha. Help ! murder, murder ! blacks her face.
Guil. Well, Gentlemen, I am something a better fortune
than you believe me, by some thousands.
[Shows Car. his Writings.
Car. Substantial and good ! faith, Sir, I know not where
you'll find a better fortune for your Daughter, as cases
stand. [To Francisco.
Guil. And, for the Viscount, Sir, gay Clothes, Money
and Confidence will set me up for one, in any ground in
Christendom.
sc. i] THE FALSE COUNT 175
Car. Faith, Sir, he's i'th' right ; take him home to Sevil,
your Neighbours know him not, and he may pass for what
you please to make him ; the Fellow's honest, witty and
handsom.
Fran. Well, I have considered the matter : I was but
a Leather-seller my self, and am grown up to a Gentleman;
and, who knows but he, being a Chimney-sweeper, may,
in time, grow up to a Lord ? Faith, I'll trust to Fortune,
for once here take her and rid me of one Plague, as
you, I thank you, Sir, have done of another. \_To Carlos.
Gut/. Prithee be pacified, thou shalt see me within this
hour as pretty a fluttering Spark as any's in Town. My
noble Lord, I give you thanks and joy ; for, you are
happy too.
Car. As Love and Beauty can make me.
Fran. And I, as no damn'd Wife, proud Daughter, or
tormenting Chamber-maid can make me.
Ant. And I, as Heaven and Clara can.
You base-born Beauties, whose ill-manner* d Pride,
77;' industrious noble Citizens deride,
May you all meet with Isabella's doom.
Guil. And all such Husbands as the Count Guiliome.
EPILOGUE.
Spoken by Mrs. Barry, made by a Person of Quality.
/ Come not a Petitioner to sue.
This Play the Author has writ down to you ;
' Tis a slight Farce, five Days brought forth with ease,
So very foolish that it needs must please ;
For though each day good Judges take offence, \
And Satir arms in Comedy 's defence.
You are still true to your Jack-Pudding Sense. )
No Bujffbonry can miss your Approbation,
You love it as you do a new French Fashion :
Thus in true hate of Sense, and Wit's despite,
Bantring and Shamming is your dear delight.
176 EPILOGUE
Thus among all the Folly's here abounding)
None took like the new Ape-trick of Dumfounding.
If to make People laugh the business be.
You Sparks better Comedians are than we ;
You every day out-fool ev'n Nokes and Lee.
They're fore d to stop, and their own Farces quit,
T" 'admire the Merry- Andrews of the Pit ;
But if your Mirth so grate the Critick's ear.
Your Love will yet more Harlequin appear.
You everlasting Grievance of the Boxes,
You withered Ruins of stum' d Wine and Poxes ;
What strange Green-sickness do you hope in Women
Should make 'em love old Fools in new Point Linen ?
The Race of Life you run off-hand too fast ,
Your fiery Metal is too hot to last ;
Your Fevers come so thick, your Claps so plenty,
Most of you are threescore at Jive and twenty.
Our Town-bred Ladys know you well enough,
Your courting Women's like your taking Snuff;
Out of mere Idleness you keep a pother,
You've no more need of one than of the other.
Ladies
Wou'd you be quit of their insipid noise,
And vain pretending take a Fool's advice ;
Of the faux Braves I've had some little trial,
There's nothing gives 'em credit but Denial:
As when a Coward will pretend to Huffing,
Offer to fight, away sneaks Bully-Ruffian,
So when these Spares, whose business is addressing,
In Love pursuits grow troublesom and pressing ;
When they affect to keep still in your eye,
When they send Grisons every where to spy,
And full of Coxcomb dress and ogle high ;
Seem to receive their Charge, and face about,
I'll pawn my life they never stand it out.
THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR,
AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN.
in
ARGUMENT.
HARRY BELLMOUR, having killed his man in a duel,.flies to Brussels, perforce
leaving behind him Leticia, to whom he is affianced. During his absence Sir
Feeble Fainwou'd, a doting old alderman and his rival, having procured his
pardon from the King to prevent it being granted if applied for a second
time, and keeping this stratagem secret, next forges a letter as if from the
Hague which describes in detail Bellmour's execution for killing a toper
during a tavern brawl. He then plies his suit with such ardour that
Leticia, induced by poverty and wretchedness, reluctantly consents to marry
him. On the wedding morning Bellmour returns in disguise and intercepts
a letter that conveys news of the arrival of Sir Feeble's nephew, Frank,
whom his uncle has never seen. The lover straightway resolves to personate
the expected newcomer, and he is assisted in his design by his friend
Cayman, a town gallant, who having fallen into dire need is compelled to
lodge, under the name of Wasteall, with a smith in Alsatia. His estate has
been mortgaged to an old banker, Sir Cautious Fulbank, whose wife Julia
he loves, and to her he pretends to have'gone to Northamptonshire to his
uncle's death bed. He is discovered, unknown to himself, in his slummy
retreat by Bredwel, Sir Cautious' prentice, who has to convey him a
message with reference to the expiration of the mortgage, and who reveals
the secret to Lady Fulbank. She promptly abstracts five hundred pounds
from her husband's strong box and forwards it to her lover by Bredwel,
disguised as a devil, with an amorous message purporting to be from some
unknown bidding him attend at a certain trysting place that night without
fail. Cayman, now able to redeem his forfeited estates, dresses in his finest
clothes and appears at Sir Feeble Fainwou'd's wedding. Bellmour has
meanwhile revealed himself to Leticia, who is plunged in despair at the
nuptials. Lady Fulbank, who is present, greets Cayman and asks him to
give her an assignation in the garden, but he excuses himself in order to
keep his prior appointment, and she leaves him in dissembled anger.
Bredwel then in his satanic masquerade meets Cayman, and bringing him
a roundabout way, introduces him into Sir Cautious' house, where, after
having been entertained with a masque of dances and songs as by spirits,
he is conducted to Lady Fulbank's chamber by her maid disguised as an
ancient crone, and admitted to his mistress' embraces. Meanwhile Sir
Feeble Fainwou'd, who just at the moment of entering the bridal chamber
has been hurriedly fetched away by Bellmour under the pretext of an urgent
message from Sir Cautious concerning some midnight plot and an outbreak
in the city, arrives at the house in great terror, and Sir Cautious (not
knowing the reason of so late a visit) and he sit opposite each other for a
while, gaping and staring in amaze. Bredwel, to pass Cayman out undetected,
ushers him through the room white-sheeted like a ghost, and the two old fools
are well frightened, but eventually they conclude there has been some mistake
180 THEATRICAL HISTORY
or trick. Sir Feeble returns home to find Leticia with her jewels about to
flee, but she succeeds in reassuring him. Gayman now visits Lady Fulbank
and gives her some account of his adventures with the she-devil, all of
which he half jestingly ascribes to magic. Sir Cautious and various guests
enter, dice are produced and, luck favouring the gallant, Gayman wins one
hundred pounds from the old banker, and a like sum from several others of
the company. As the niggardly Sir Cautious bewails his losses the victor
offers to stake three hundred pounds against a night with Julia, the bargain,
of course, being kept from the lady. After some rumination Sir Cautious
accepts and Gayman wins the throw. That night he causes himself to be
conveyed to Sir Cautious' house in a chest and Sir Cautious leads him to
Lady Fulbank in bed, she supposing him to be her husband. Meanwhile
Sir Feeble being with Leticia is about to enter her bed when from behind
the curtains Bellmour appears unmasqued, dressed in a torn and blood
stained shirt and brandishing a dagger. Sir Feeble flies in terror. The
next morning Lady Fulbank discovers the trick which has been played
upon her and rates both her husband and lover soundly. Bellmour and
Leticia arriving throw themselves on her protection. Sir Feeble and Sir
Cautious are at length obliged to acquiesce in the existing state of things
and to resign their ladies to their two gallants. They are unable to protest
even when Sir Feeble finds that his daughter Diana has married Bredwel
instead of Sir Cautious' nephew Bearjest for whom she was designed,
whilst the choused fop is wedded to Pert, Lady Fulbank's woman, to whom
he had been previously contracted.
SOURCE.
THE plot of The Lucky Chance ; or, An Alderman's Bargain is original save
for the details of Lady Fulbank's design upon Gayman, when he is conveyed
to her house by masqued devils and conducted to her chamber by Pert
dressed as a withered beldame. In this Mrs. Behn exactly copies Shirley's
excellent comedy, The Lady of Pleasure, produced at the Private House in
Drury Lane, October, 1635, (410 1637). In the course of Lady Bornwell's
intrigue with Kickshaw he is taken blindfold to the house of the procuress,
Decoy, who, in the guise of a doting crone, leads him to a chamber where
he imagines he is to meet a succubus, whilst the Lady, unknown to him,
entertains him herself.
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
The Lucky Chance} or, An Alderman's Bargain, produced at the Theatre
Royal, Drury Lane, in 1687, was, with the exception of the disapproval of
a certain pudibond clique, received with great favour, and kept the stage for
a decade or more. During the summer season of 1718 there was, on
24 July, a revival, 'not acted twenty years,' of this witty comedy at Lincoln's
Inn Fields. Gayman was played by Frank Leigh, son of the famous low
comedian ; Sir Feeble Fainwou'd by Bullock.
THEATRICAL HISTORY 181
On 25 November, 1786, there was produced at Drury Lane a comedy by
Mrs. Hannah Cowley (1743-1809), a prolific but mediocre dramatist,
entitled, A School for Greybeards , or, The Mourning Bride (^.lo 1786 and 1787).
Genest writes : 'On the first night it struck me that I had seen something
like the play before and when the 4th act came I was fully satisfied
that part of the plot which concerns Antonia, Henry, and Gasper 1 ; and
even the outlines of Seraphina's character, are taken from The Lucky Chance
as Mrs. Behn's play, though a very good one is too indecent to be ever
represented again. Mrs. Cowley might without any disgrace to herself
have borrowed whatever she pleased provided she had made a proper
acknowledgement instead of which she says in her preface " The idea
of the business which concerns Antonia, Henry and Gasper was presented to
me in an obsolete Comedy; I say the idea, for when it is known that in
the original the scene lay among traders in London and those traders of
the lowest and most detestable manners, it will be conceived at once, that
in removing it to Portugal and fixing the characters among the nobility, it
was hardly possible to carry with me more than the idea" the traders whom
Mrs. Cowley mentions, are both Knights, the one an Alderman, the other
a Banker.' Genest then compares various scenes and expressions from The
Lucky Chance with Mrs. Cowley and concludes 'The other scenes though
they may differ in the dialogue yet agree in essentials the scene in the 5th
act between Alexis and Gasper bears the strongest resemblance to that
between Sir Feeble and Sir Cautious in The Lucky Chance. Mrs. Cowley
was ashamed to advance a direct lie, but she was not ashamed to insinuate
a falsehood A Naeuio uel sumpsisti mulia, sifateris , uel, si negas surripuisti
Cicero.' The strictures of our stage historian are entirely apposite and
correct. Henry, Don Gasper and Antonia of the Georgian comedy are
none other but Bellmour, Sir Feeble, and Leticia. With regard to the
reception of The School for Greybeards 'the audience took needless offence
at a scene in the 4th act, and an unfortunate expression in Young Bannister's
part, 2 revived the opposition in the last scene no more was heard till
King 3 advanced to speak the last speech some alteration was made on the
2nd night, and the play was acted 9 times or more in the course of the
season, but never afterwards 4 it is a good Comedy and was very well acted.'
The audience must indeed have been qualmish prudes. Of all plays it is
the most harmless. The scene in the fouth Act to which exception was
taken seems to have been No. II, after the marriage of Gasper and Antonia,
a most trifling and inept business. In Act v, iv, Alexis says to Viola :
'As for you Madam bread and water, and a dark chamber shall be your
lot ' but Sebastian (Bannister, jun.), who has married Viola, breaks in
1 Donna Antonia (The Mourning Bride), Mrs. Crouch ; Don Henry,
Kemble ; Don Gasper (a Greybeard), Parsons ; Donna Seraphina, Miss
Farren.
2 Don Sebastian. Bannister, jun., also spoke the prologue.
3 Don Alexis.
4 It was played at Bath 28 October, 1813. Chatterley acted Don Gasper;
Miss Greville (from the Pantheon theatre), Donna Seraphina. It had little
success.
1 82 THEATRICAL HISTORY
crying: 'No, Sir, I am the arbiter of her lot; however, I confirm half
your punishment; and a dark chamber she shall certainly have.' To this
speech in the 4to Mrs. Cowley appends the following note : 'This is the
expression, I am told, which had nearly prov'd fatal to the Comedy. I
should not have printed it, but from the resolution I have religiously kept,
of restoring every thing that was objected to.' Imagination and ingenuity
fail to fathom the cryptic indecency. The School for Greybeards is, in fine, a
modest and mediocre comedy of little value.
12 December, 1786, Walpole, writing from Berkeley Square to the
Countess of Upper Ossary, says: 'To-night ... I am going to Mrs.
Cowley's new play, which I suppose is as instructive as the Marriage of
Figaro, for I am told it approaches to those of Mrs. Behn in spartan
delicacy; but I shall see Miss Farren, who, in my poor opinion, is the first
of all actresses.' Writing three days later to the same lady he has : ' The
Greybeards have certainly been chastised, for we did not find them at all
gross. The piece is farcical and improbable, but has some good things, and
is admirably acted.' Those 'good things' are entirely due to Mrs. Behn.
To the Right Honourable Laurence, Lord Hyde, Earl of Rochester, one of his
Majesty's most Honourable Privy Council, Lord High Treasurer of England,
and Knight of the Noble Order of the Garter.
My Lord,
When I consider how Ancient and Honourable a Date Plays have born,
how they have been the peculiar Care of the most Illustrious Persons of
Greece and Rome, who strove as much to outdoe each other in Magnificence,
(when by Turns they manag'd the great Business of the Stage, as if they had
contended for the Victory of the Universe;) I say, my Lord, when I
consider this, I with the greater Assurance most humbly address this
Comedy to your Lordship, since by right of Antient Custom, the Patronage
of Plays belong'd only to the great Men, and chiefest Magistrates. Cardinal
Richelieu, that great and wise Statesman, said, That there was no surer
Testimony to be given of the flourishing Greatness of a State, than publick
Pleasures and Divertisements for they are, says he the Schools of Ver-
tue, where Vice is always either punish't, or disdain'd. They are secret
Instructions to the People, in things that 'tis impossible to insinuate into
them any other Way. 'Tis Example that prevails above Reason or DIVINE
PRECEPTS. (Philosophy not understood by the Multitude ;) 'tis Example
alone that inspires Morality, and best establishes Vertue, I have my self
known a Man, whom neither Conscience nor Religion cou'd perswade to
Loyalty, who with beholding in our Theatre a Modern Politician set forth in
all his Colours, was converted, renounc'd his opinion, and quitted the Party.
The Abbot of Aubignac to show that Plays have been ever held most
important to the very Political Part of Government, says, The Phylosophy
of Greece, and the Majesty and Wisdom of the Romans, did equally concern
their Great Men in making them Venerable, Noble, and Magnificent :
Venerable, by their Consecration to their Gods : Noble, by being govern'd
by their chiefest Men ; and their Magnificency was from the publick
Treasury, and the liberal Contributions of their Noble Men.
It being undeniable then, that Plays and publick Diversions were thought
by the Greatest and Wisest of States, one of the most essential Parts of
good Government, and in which so many great Persons were interested ;
surfer me to beg your Lordships Patronage for this little Endeavour, and
believe it not below the Grandure of your Birth and State, the Illustrious
Places you so justly hold in the Kingdom, nor your Illustrious Relation to
the greatest Monarch of the World, to afford it the Glory of your Protection ;
since it is the Product of a Heart and Pen, that always faithfully serv'd
that Royal Cause, to which your Lordship is by many Tyes so firmly fixt :
It approaches you with that absolute Veneration, that all the World is
oblig'd to pay you ; and has no other Design than to express my sense of
184 DEDICATORY EPISTLE
those excellent Vertues, that make your Lordship so truly admir'd and
lov'd. Amongst which we find those two so rare in a Great Man and a
Statesman, those of Gracious Speech and easie Access, and I believe none
were ever sent from your Presence dissatisfied. You have an Art to please
even when you deny ; and something in your Look and Voice has an Air
so greatly good, it recompences even for Disappointment, and we never
leave your Lordship but with Blessings. It is no less our Admiration, to
behold with what Serenity and perfect Conduct, that great Part of the
Nations Business is carry'd on, by one single Person ; who having to do
with so vast Numbers of Men of all Qualitys, Interests, and Humours,
nevertheless all are well satisfi'd, and none complain of Oppression, but all
is done with Gentleness and Silence, as if (like the first Creator) you cou'd
finish all by a Word. You have, my Lord, a Judgment so piercing and
solid, a Wisdom so quick and clear, and a Fortitude so truly Noble, that
those Fatigues of State, that wou'd even sink a Spirit of less Magnitude, is
by yours accomplish'! without Toil, or any Appearance of that harsh and
crabbed Austerity, that is usually put on by the buisy Great. You, my
Lord, support the Globe, as if you did not feel its Weight.; nor so much as
seem to bend beneath it : Your Zeal for the Glorious Monarch you love
and serve, makes all things a Pleasure that advance his Interest, which is
so absolutely your Care. You are, my Lord,- by your generous Candor,
your unbyast Justice, your Sweetness, Affability, and Condescending Good
ness (those never-failing Marks of Greatness) above that Envy which reigns
in Courts, and is aim'd at the most elevated Fortunes and Noblest
Favourites of Princes : And when they consider your Lordship, with all
the Abilitys and Wisdom of a great Counsellor, your unblemisht Vertue,
your unshaken Loyalty, your constant Industry for the Publick Good, how
all things under your Part of Sway have been refin'd and purg'd from those
Crossnesses, Frauds, Briberys, and Grievances, beneath which so many of
his Majestys Subjects groan'd, when we see Merit establish'! and prefer'd,
and Vice discourag'd ; it imposes Silence upon Malice it self, and compells
'em to bless his Majesty's Choice of such a Pillar of the State, such a
Patron of Vertue.
Long may your Lordship live to remain in this most Honourable
Station, that his Majesty may be serv'd with an entire Fidelity, and the
Nation be render'd perfectly Happy. Since from such Heads and Hearts,
the Monarch reaps his Glory, and the Kingdom receives its Safety and
Tranquility. This is the unfeign'd Prayer of
My Lord,
Your Lordships most Humble
And most Obedient Servant
A. Behn.
PREFACE.
THE little Obligation I have to some of the witty Sparks and Poets of the
Town, has put me on a Vindication of this Comedy from those Censures
that Malice, and ill Nature have thrown upon it, tho in vain : The Poets
I heartily excuse, since there is a sort of Self-interest in their Malice, which
I shou'd rather call a witty Way they have in this Age, of Railing at every
thing they find with pain successful, and never to shew good Nature and
speak well of any thing; but when they are sure 'tis damn'd, then they
afford it that worse Scandal, their Pity. And nothing makes them so
thorough-stitcht an Enemy as a full Third Day, that's Crime enough to
load it with all manner of Infamy ; and when they can no other way
prevail with the Town, they charge it with the old never failing Scandal
That 'tis not fit for the Ladys : As if (if it were as they falsly give it out)
the Ladys were oblig'd to hear Indecencys only from their Pens and Plays
and some of them have ventur'd to treat 'em as Coursely as 'twas possible,
without the least Reproach from them ; and in some of their most
Celebrated Plays have entertained 'em with things, that if I should here
strip from their Wit and Occasion that conducts 'em in and makes them
proper, their fair Cheeks would perhaps wear a natural Colour at the
reading them : yet are never taken Notice of, because a Man writ them,
and they may hear that from them they blush at from a Woman But I
make a Challenge to any Person of common Sense and Reason that is
not wilfully bent on ill Nature, and will in spight of Sense wrest a double
Entendre from every thing, lying upon the Catch for a Jest or a Quibble,
like a Rook for a Cully; but any unprejudic'd Person that knows not the
Author, to read any of my Comedys and compare 'em with others of this
Age, and if they find one Word that can offend the chastest Ear, I will
submit to all their peevish Cavills ; but Right or Wrong they must be
Criminal because a Woman's; condemning them without having the
Christian Charity, to examine whether it be guilty or not, with reading,
comparing, or thinking ; the Ladies taking up any Scandal on Trust from
some conceited Sparks, who will in spight of Nature be Wits and Beaus ;
then scatter it for Authentick all over the Town and Court, poysoning of
others Judgments with their false Notions, condemning it to worse than
Death, Loss of Fame. And to fortifie their Detraction, charge me with all
the Plays that have ever been offensive ; though I wish with all their Faults
I had been the Author of some of those they have honour'd me with.
For the farther Justification of this Play; it being a Comedy of Intrigue
Dr. Da-venant out of Respect to the Commands he had from Court, to take
great Care that no Indecency should be in Plays, sent for it and nicely
look't it over, putting out anything he but imagin'd the Criticks would
play with. After that, Sir Roger L 1 Estrange read it and licens'd it, and
found no such Faults as 'tis charg'd with : Then Mr. Kill/grew, who more
severe than any, from the strict Order he had, perus'd it with great
i 86 PREFACE
Circumspection ; and lastly the Master Players, who you will I hope in
some Measure esteem Judges of Decency and their own Interest, having
been so many Years Prentice to the Trade of Judging.
I say, after all these Supervisors the Ladys may be convinc'd, they left
nothing that could offend, and the Men of their unjust Reflections on so
many Judges of Wit and Decencys. When it happens that I challenge any
one, to point me out the least Expression of what some have made their
Discourse, they cry, That Mr. Leigh opens his Night Gown, when he comes
into the Bride-chamber ; if he do, which is a Jest of his own making, and
which I never saw, I hope he has his Cloaths on underneath? And if so,
where is the Indecency ? I have seen in that admirable Play of Oedipus, the
Gown open'd wide, and the Man shown in his Drawers and Waist coat,
and never thought it an Offence before. Another crys, Why ive know not what
they mean, 'when the Alan takes a Woman off the Stage, and another is thereby
cuckolded i is that any more than you see in the most Celebrated of your
Plays ? as the City Politicks, the Lady Mayoress, and the Old Lawyers Wife,
who goes with a Man she never saw before, and comes out again the
joyfull'st Woman alive, for having made her Husband a Cuckold with such
Dexterity, and yet I see nothing unnatural nor obscene : 'tis proper for the
Characters. So in that lucky Play of the London Cuckolds, not to recite
Particulars. And in that good Comedy of Sir Courtly Nice, the Taylor to the
young Lady in the fam'd Sir Fopling Dorimont and Bellinda, see the very
Words in Valentlnian, see the Scene between the Court Bawds. And
Valentlnlan all loose and ruffld a Moment after the Rape, and all this you
see without Scandal, and a thousand others The Moor of Venice in many
places. The Maids Tragedy see the Scene of undressing the Bride, and
between the King and Amintor, and after between the King and Eiiadne
All these I Name as some of the best Plays I know ; If I should repeat the
Words exprest in these Scenes I mention, I might justly be charg'd with
course ill Manners, and very little Modesty, and yet they so naturally fall
into the places they are designed for, and so are proper for the Business,
that there is not the least Fault to be found with them ; though I say
those things in any of mine wou'd damn the whole Peice, and alarm the
Town. Had I a Day or two's time, as I have scarce so many Hours to
write this in (the Play, being all printed off and the Press waiting,) I would
sum up all your Beloved Plays, and all the Things in them that are past
with such Silence by ; because written by Men : such Masculine Strokes
in me, must not be allow'd. I must conclude those Women (if there be any
such) greater Critics in that sort of Conversation than my self, who find
any of that sort in mine, or any thing that can justly be reproach't. But
'tis in vain by dint of Reason or Comparison to convince the obstinate
Criticks, whose Business is to find Fault, if not by a loose and gross
Imagination to create them, for they must either find the Jest, or make it ;
and those of this sort fall to my share, they find Faults of another kind for
the Men Writers. And this one thing I will venture to say, though
against my Nature, because it has a Vanity in it : That had the Plays I
have writ come forth under any Mans Name, and never known to have
been mine ; I appeal to all unbyast Judges of Sense, if they had not said
that Person had made as many good Comedies, as any one Man that has
writ in our Age; but a Devil on't the Woman damns the Poet.
PREFACE 187
Ladies, for its further Justification to you, be pleas'd to know, that the
first Copy of this Play was read by several Ladys of very great Quality, and
unquestioned Fame, and received their most favourable Opinion, not one
charging it with the Crime, that some have been pleas'd to find in the
Acting. Other Ladys who saw it more than once, whose Quality and
Vertue can sufficiently justifie any thing they design to favour, were pleas'd
to say, they found an Entertainment in it very far from scandalous ; and
for the Generality of the Town, I found by my Receipts it was not thought
so Criminal. However, that shall not be an Incouragement to me to
trouble the Criticks with new Occasion of affronting me, for endeavouring
at least to divert ; and at this rate, both the few Poets that are left, and
the Players who toil in vain will be weary of their Trade.
I cannot omit to tell you, that a Wit of the Town, a Friend of mine at
frills Coffee House, the first Night of the Play, cry'd it down as much as
in him lay, who before had read it and assured me he never saw a prettier
Comedy. So complaisant one pestilent Wit will be to another, and in the
full Cry make his Noise too ; but since 'tis to the witty Few I speak, I
hope the better Judges will take no Offence, to whom I am oblig'd for
better Judgments ; and those I hope will be so kind to me, knowing my
Conversation not at all addicted to the Indecencys alledged, that I would
much less practice it in a Play, that must stand the Test of the censoring
World. And I must want common Sense, and all the Degrees of good
Manners, renouncing my Fame, all Modesty and Interest for a silly Sawcy
fruitless Jest, to make Fools laugh, 1 and Women blush, and wise Men
asham'd ; My self all the while, if I had been guilty of this Crime charg'd
to me, remaining the only stupid, insensible. Is this likely, is this reason
able to be believ'd by any body, but the wilfully blind? All I ask, is the
Priviledge for my Masculine Part the Poet in me, (if any such you will
allow me) to tread in those successful Paths my Predecessors have so long
thriv'd in, to take those Measures that both the Ancient and Modern
Writers have set me, and by which they have pleas'd the World so well :
If I must not, because of my Sex, have this Freedom, but that you will
usurp all to your selves; I lay down my Quill, and you shall hear no more
of me, no not so much as to make Comparisons, because I will be kinder
to my Brothers of the Pen, than they have been to a defenceless Woman ;
for I am not content to write for a Third day only. I value Fame as much
as if I had been born a Hero ; and if you rob me of that, I can retire from
the ungrateful World, and scorn its fickle Favours.
THE LUCKY CHANCE;
or, An Alderman's Bargain.
PROLOGUE,
Spoken by Mr. Jevon.
SINCE with old Plays you have so long been cloyed,
As with a Mistress many years enjoy 'd,
How briskly dear Variety you pursue ;
Nay, though for worse ye change, ye will have New.
Widows take heed some of you in fresh Youth
Have been the unpitied Martyrs of this Youth.
When for a drunken Sot, that had kind hours,
And taking their own freedoms, left you yours ;
'Twas your deliberate choice your days to pass
With a damned, sober, self-admiring Ass,
Who thinks good usage for the Sex unfit,
And slights ye out of Sparkishness and Wit.
But you can Jit him Let a worse Fool come,
If he neglect, to officiate in his room.
Vain amorous Coxcombs every where are found,
Fops for all uses, but the Stage abound.
Though you shoud change them oftener than your Fashions,
There still woud be enough for your Occasions :
But ours are not so easily supplied,
All that cou'd e'er quit cost, we have already tried.
Nay, dear sometimes have bought the Frippery stuff. \
This, Widows, you / mean the old and tough >
Will never think, be they but Fool enough. )
Such will with any kind of Puppies play ; \
But we must better know for what we pay :
We must not purchase such dull Fools as they. )
PROLOGUE 189
Should we shew each her own particular Dear,
What they admire at home, they wou'd loath here.
Thus, though the Mall, the Ring, the Pit is full,
And every Coffee- House still swarms with Fool ;
Though still by Fools all other Callings live,
Nay our own Women by fresh Cullies thrive,
Though your Intrigues which no Lampoon can cure,
Promise a long Succession to ensure ;
And all your Matches plenty do presage :
Dire is the Dearth and Famine on the Stage.
Our Store's quite wasted, and our Credit's small,
Not a Fool left to bless our selves withal.
We're fore' t at last to rob, (which is great pity,
Though 'tis a never-failing Bank) the City.
We show you one to day intirely new,
And of all Jests, none relish like the true.
Let that the value of our Play inhance,
Then it may prove indeed the Lucky Chance.
( '9)
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
Sir Feeble Fainivou'd, an old Alderman to be married 1 ,. r . ,
T }-Mr. Letg-n.
to Lettcta, } &
Sir Cautious Fulbank, an old Banker married to Julia, Mr. Nokes.
Mr. Cayman, a Spark of the Town, Lover of Julia, Mr. Betterton.
Mr. Bellmour, contracted to Leticia, disguis'd, and ) -,
c c- zr LJ > XT u f Mr. Kynaston.
passes for Sir feeble s Nephew,
Mr. Bearjest, Nephew to Sir Cautious, a Fop, Mr. Je-von.
Capt. Noisey, his Companion, Mr. Harris.
Mr. BrediucL Prentice to Sir Cautious, and Brother ) ,
T , i. n- r Mr. Boivman.
to Leticia, in love with Diana, )
Rag, Footman to Gayman.
Ralph, Footman to Sir Feeble.
Dick, Footman to Sir Cautious.
Gingle, a Music Master.
A Post-man.
Two Porters.
A Servant.
WOMEN.
honest and ) -,
ry.
Lady Fulbank. in love with Gayman, honest and)-.,
\ Mrs. Barry.
generous,
Leticia, contracted to Bellmour, married to Sir j -- _ ,
Feeble, young and virtuous, j MrS> Loof! '
Diana, Daughter to Sir Feeble, in love with Bred-wel ; ) -, ,, .. ,
virtuous, >\Mr S .Mountford.
Pert, Lady Fulbank's Woman.
Gammer Grime, Landlady to Gayman, a Smith's),,
we ai \-Mrs.Poivell.
Wife in At salt a, )
Susan, Servant to Sir Feeble.
Phillis, Leticia's Woman.
A Parson, Fidlers, Dancers and Singers.
The Scene, LONDON.
(I9O
ACT I.
SCENE I. The Street, at break of Day.
Enter Bellmour disguised in a travelling Habit.
Bel. Sure 'tis the day that gleams in yonder East,
The day that all but Lovers blest by Shade
Pay chearful Homage to :
Lovers ! and those pursu'd like guilty me
By rigid Laws, which put no difference
'Twixt fairly killing in my own Defence,
And Murders bred by drunken Arguments,
Whores, or the mean Revenges of a Coward.
This is Leticia's Father's House [Looking about.
And that the dear Balcony
That has so oft been conscious of our Loves ;
From whence she has sent me down a thousand Sighs,
A thousand looks of Love, a thousand Vows.
O thou dear witness of those charming Hours,
How do I bless thee, how am I pleas'd to view thee
After a tedious Age of Six Months Banishment.
Enter Mr. Gingle and several with Mustek.
Fid. But hark ye, Mr. Gingle, is it proper to play before
the Wedding?
Gin. Ever while you live, for many a time in play ing after
the first night, the Bride's sleepy, the Bridegroom tir'd, and
both so out of humour, that perhaps they hate any thing that
puts 'em in mind they are married. [ They play and sing.
Enter Phillis in the Balcony, throws ''em Money.
RISE, Cloris, charming Maid, arise !
And baffle breaking Day,
Shew the adoring World thy Eyes
Are more surprizing gay ;
192 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT i
The Gods of Love are smiling round,
And lead the Bridegroom on,
And Hymen has the Altar crown 1 d.
While all thy sighing Lovers are undone.
To see thee pass they throng the Plain ;
The Groves with Flowers are sir own,
And every young and envying Swain
Wishes the hour his own.
Rise then, and let the God of Day,
When thou dost to the Lover yield,
Behold more Treasure given away
Than he in his vast Circle e'er beheld.
Bel. Hah, Phillis, Leticia's Woman !
Ging. Fie, Mrs. Phillis, do you take us for Fiddlers that
play for Hire ? I came to compliment Mrs. Leticia on her
Wedding-Morning because she is my Scholar.
Phil. She sends it only to drink her Health.
Ging. Come, Lads, let's to the Tavern then
[Ex. Musick.
Bel. Hah ! said he Leticia ?
Sure, I shall turn to Marble at this News :
I harden, and cold Damps pass through my senseless Pores.
Hah, who's here?
Enter Gay man wrapt in his Cloke.
Gay. 'Tis yet too early, but my Soul's impatient,
And I must see Leticia. [Goes to the door.
Bel. Death and the Devil the Bridegroom !
Stay, Sir, by Heaven, you pass not this way.
[ Goes to the door as he is knocking, pushes him away,
and draws.
Gay. Hah! whatartthou that durst forbid me Entrance?
Stand off. [They fight a little, and closing view each other.
Bel. Gayman !
Gay. My dearest Bellmour !
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 193
Bel. Oh them false Friend, thou treacherous base De
ceiver !
Gay. Hah, this to me, dear Harry?
Bel. Whither is Honour, Truth and Friendship fled ?
Gay. Why, there ne'er was such a Virtue,
'Tis all a Poet's Dream.
Bel. I thank you, Sir.
Gay. I'm sorry for't, or that ever I did any thing that
could deserve it : put up your Sword an honest man
wou'd say how he's offended, before he rashly draws.
Bel. Are not you going to be married, Sir?
Gay. No, Sir, as long as any Man in London is so, that
has but a handsom Wife, Sir.
Bel. Are you not in love, Sir ?
Gay. Most damnably, and wou'd fain lie with the
dear jilting Gipsy.
Bel. Hah, who would you lie with, Sir ?
Gay. You catechise me roundly 'tis not fair to name,
but I am no Starter, Harry ; just as you left me, you find
me. I am for the faithless Julia still, the old Alderman's
Wife. 'Twashigh time the City should lose their Charter,
when their Wives turn honest : But pray, Sir, answer me
a Question or two.
Bel. Answer me first, what makes you here this Morn
ing?
Gay. Faith, to do you service. Your damn'd little Jade
of a Mistress has learned of her Neighbours the Art of
Swearing and Lying in abundance, and is
Bel. To be married ! [Sighing.
Gay. Even so, God save the Mark ; and she'll be a fair
one for many an Arrow besides her Husband's, though he
an old Finsbury Hero this threescore Years.
Bel. Who mean you?
Gay. Why, thy Cuckold that shall be, if thou be'st wise.
Bel. Away;
Who is this Man ? thou dalliest with me.
Ill O
194 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT i
Gay. Why, an old Knight, and Alderman here o'th'
City, Sir Feeble Fainwou'd, a jolly old Fellow, whose
Activity is all got into his Tongue, a very excellent
Teazer; but neither Youth nor Beauty can grind his
Dudgeon to an Edge.
Bel. Fie, what Stuff's here !
Gay. Very excellent Stuff, if you have but the Grace
to improve it.
Bel. You banter me but in plain English, tell me,
What made you here thus early,
Entring yon House with such Authority ?
Gay. Why, your Mistress Leticia, your contracted Wife,
is this Morning to be married to old Sir Feeble Fainwoud,
induc'd to't I suppose by the great Jointure he makes her,
and the improbability of your ever gaining your Pardon
for your high Duel Do I speak English now, Sir?
Bel. Too well, would I had never heard thee.
Gay. Now I being the Confident in your Amours, the
Jack-go-between the civil Pimp, or so you left her in
charge with me at your Departure.
Bel. I did so.
Gay. I saw her every day ; and every day she paid the
Tribute of a shower of Tears, to the dear Lord of all her
Vows, young Bellmour :
Till faith at last, for Reasons manifold,
I slackt my daily Visits.
Bel. And left her to Temptation was that well done ?
Gay. Now must I afflict you and my self with a long
tale of Causes why ;
Or be charg'd with want of Friendship.
Bel. You will do well to clear that Point to me.
Gay. I see you're peevish, and you shall be humour'd.
You know my Julia play'd me e'en such another Prank
as your false one is going to play you, and married old Sir
Cautious Fulbank here i'th' City; at! which you know I
storm'd, and rav'd, and swore, as thou wo't now, and to
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 195
as little purpose. There was but one way left, and that
was cuckolding him.
Bel. Well, that Design I left thee hot upon.
Gay, And hotly have pursu'd it : Swore, wept, vow'd,
wrote, upbraided, prayed and railed ; then treated lavishly,
and presented high till, between you and I, Harry, I
have presented the best part of Eight hundred a year into
her Husband's hands, in Mortgage.
Bel. This is the Course you'd have me steer, I thank you.
Gay. No, no, Pox on't, all Women are not Jilts. Some
are honest, and will give as well as take ; or else there
would not be so many broke i'th' City. In fine, Sir, I
have been in Tribulation, that is to say, Moneyless, for
six tedious Weeks, without either Clothes, or Equipage
to appear withal ; and so not only my own Love-affair lay
neglected but thine too and I am forced to pretend to my
Lady, that I am i'th' Country with a dying Uncle from
whom, if he were i ndeed dead, I expect two thousand a Year.
Bel. But what's all this to being here this Morning ?
Gay. Thus have I lain conceal'd like a Winter-Fly,
hoping for some blest Sunshine to warm me into life again,
and make me hover my flagging Wings ; till the News
of this Marriage (which fills the Town) made me crawl
out this silent Hour, to upbraid the fickle Maid.
Bel. Didstthou? pursue thy kind Design. Getmetosee
her ; and sure no Woman, even possest with a new Passion,
Grown confident even to Prostitution,
But when she sees the Man to whom she's sworn so very
very much, will find Remorse and Shame.
Gay. For your sake, though the day be broke upon us,
And I'm undone, if seen I'll venture in
[Throws his Cloke over.
Enter Sir Feeble Fainwou'd, Sir Cautious Fulbank, Bear-
jest and Noisey. [Pass over the Stage, ana 1 go in.
Hah see the Bridegroom !
196 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT i
And with him my destin'd Cuckold, old Sir Cautious
Fulbank.
Hah, what ail'st thou, Man ?
Bel. The Bridegroom !
Like Gorgon's Head he'as turned me into Stone.
Gay. Gorgon's Head a Cuckold's Head 'twas made
to graft upon.
Bel. By Heaven, I'll seize her even at the Altar,
And bear her thence in Triumph.
Gay. Ay, and be borne to Newgate in Triumph, and be
hanged in Triumph 'twill be cold Comfort, celebrating
your Nuptials in the Press- Yard, and be wak'd next
Morning, like Mr. Barnardine in the Play Will you
please to rise and be hanged a little, Sir?
Bel. What wouldst thou have me do ?
Gay. As many an honest Man has done before thee
Cuckold him cuckold him.
Bel. What and let him marry her ! She that's mine
by sacred Vows already ! By Heaven, it would be flat
Adultery in her !
Gay. She'll learn the trick, and practise it the better
with thee.
Bel. Oh Heavens ! Leticia marry him ! and lie with
him !
Here will I stand and see this shameful Woman,
See if she dares pass by me to this Wickedness.
Gay. Hark ye, Harry in earnest have a care of
betraying your self; and do not venture sweet Life for a
fickle Woman, who perhaps hates you.
Bel. You counsel well but yet to see her married !
How every thought of that shocks all my Resolution !
But hang it, I'll be resolute and saucy,
Despise a Woman who can use me ill,
And think my self above her.
Gay. Why, now thou art thy self a Man again.
But see, they're coming forth, now stand your ground.
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 197
Enter Sir Feeble, Sir Cautious, Bearjest, Noisey, Leticia
sad y Diana, Phillis. [Pass over the Stage.
Bel. 'Tis she ; support me, Charles, or I shall sink to
Earth,
Methought in passing by she cast a scornful glance at me;
Such charming Pride I've seen upon her Eyes,
When our Love-Quarrels arm'd 'em with Disdain
I'll after 'em, if I live she shall not 'scape me.
[Offers to go y Gay. holds him.
Gay. Hold, remember you're proscribed,
And die if you are taken.
Bel. I've done, and I will live, but he shall ne'er enjoy
her.
Who's yonder, Ralph^ my trusty Confident ?
Enter Ralph.
Now though I perish I must speak to him.
Friend, what Wedding's this?
Ral. One that was never made in Heaven, Sir ;
'Tis Alderman Fainwoud, and Mrs. Leticia Bredwel.
Bel. Bredwel I have heard of her, she was Mistress
Ral. To fine Mr. Bellmour, Sir, ay, there was a
Gentlemen
But rest his Soul he's hang'd, Sir. \Weeps.
Bel. How! hang'd?
Ral. Hang'd, Sir, hang'd at the Hague in Holland.
Gay. I heard some such News, but did not credit it.
Bel. For what, said they, was he hang'd ?
Ral. Why, e'en for High Treason, Sir, he killed one
of their Kings.
Gay. Holland's a Commonwealth, and is not rul'd by
Kings.
Ral. Not by one, Sir, but by a great many ; this was
a Cheesemonger they fell out over a Bottle of Brandy,
went to Snicker Snee ; Mr. Bellmour cut his Throat, and
was hang'd for't, that's all, Sir.
198 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT i
Bel. And did the young Lady believe this?
Ral. Yes, and took on most heavily the Doctors gave
her over and there was the Devil to do to get her to con
sent to this Marriage but her Fortune was small, and the
hope of a Ladyship, and a Gold Chain at the Spittal Sermon,
did the Business and so your Servant, Sir. [Ex. Ralph.
Bel. So, here's a hopeful Account of my sweet self now.
Enter Post-man with Letters.
Post. Pray, Sir, which is Sir Feeble Fainwoud^s?
Bel. What wou'd you with him, Friend?
Post. I have a Letter here from the Hague for him.
Bel. From the Hague! Now have I a curiosity to see
it I am his Servant give it me [Gives it him, and Exit.
Perhaps here may be the second part of my Tragedy,
I'm full of Mischief, Charles and have a mind to see
this Fellow's Secrets. For from this hour I'll be his evil
Genius, haunt him at Bed and Board ; he shall not sleep
nor eat ; disturb him at his Prayers, in his Embraces ; and
teaze him into Madness.
Help me, Invention, Malice, Love, and Wit :
[Opening the Letter.
Ye Gods, and little Fiends, instruct my Mischief.
[Reads.
Dear Brother,
ACCORDING to your desire I have sent for my Son from
St. Omer's, whom I have sent to wait on you in England ;
he is a very good Accountant, and fit for Business, and much
pleas 'd he shall see that Uncle to whom he's so obliged, and
which is so gratefully acknowledged by Dear Brother, your
affectionate Brother,
Francis Fain wou'd.
Hum hark ye, Charles, do you know who I am now ?
Gay. Why, I hope a very honest Friend of mine,
Harry Bellmour.
Bel. No, Sir, you are mistaken in your Man.
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 199
Gay. It may be so.
Bel. I am, d'ye see, Charles, this very individual, numerical
young Mr. what ye call 'urn Fainwoud, just come from
St. Omers into England to my Uncle the Alderman.
I am, Charles, this very Man.
Gay. I know you are, and will swear't upon occasion.
Bel. This lucky Thought has almost calm'd my mind.
And if I don't fit you, my dear Uncle,
May I never lie with my Aunt.
Gay. Ah, Rogue but prithee what care have you taken
about your Pardon ? 'twere good you should secure that.
Bel. There's the Devil, Charles, had I but that
but I have had a very good Friend at work, a thousand
Guyneys, that seldom fails ; but yet in vain, I being the
first Transgressor since the Act against Duelling.
But I impatient to see this dear delight of my Soul, and
hearing from none of you, this six weeks, came from
Brussels in this disguise for the Hague I have not seen,
though hang'd there but come let's away, and compleat
me a right St. Omer's Spark, that I may present my self
as soon as they come from Church. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. Sir Cautious Fulbank's House.
Enter Lady Fulbank, Pert and Bredwel. Bredwel gives
her a Letter.
Lady Fulbank reads.
DID my Julia know how I languish in this cruel Separation,
she would afford me her pity, and write oftner. If only the
Expectation of two thousand a year kept me from you, ah !
Julia, how easily would I abandon that Trifle for your more
valued sight ; but that I know a Fortune will render me
more agreeable to the charming Julia, / should quit all my
Interest here, to throw my self at her Feet, to make her
sensible how I am intirely her Adorer.
Charles Gayman.
2OO THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT i
Faith, Charles, you lie you are as welcome to me now,
Now when I doubt thy Fortune is declining,
As if the Universe were thine.
Pert. That, Madam, is a noble Gratitude. For if his
Fortune be declining, 'tis sacrificed to his Passion for your
Ladyship.
'Tis all laid out on Love.
L. Ful. I prize my Honour more than Life,
Yet I had rather have given him all he wish'd of me,
Than be guilty of his Undoing.
Pert. And I think the Sin were less.
L. Ful. I must confess, such Jewels, Rings and Presents
as he made me, must needs decay his Fortune.
Bred. Ay, Madam, his very Coach at last was turned
into a Jewel for your Ladyship. Then, Madam, what
Expences his Despair have run him on
As Drinking and Gaming, to divert the Thought of your
marrying my old Master.
L. Ful. And put in Wenching too.
Bred. No, assure your self, Madam
L. Ful. Of that I would be better satisfied and you
too must assist me, as e'er you hope I should be kind to
you in gaining you Diana. \To Bredwel.
Bred. Madam, I'll die to serve you.
Pert. Nor will I be behind in my Duty.
L. Ful. Oh, how fatal are forc'd Marriages !
How many Ruins one such Match pulls on !
Had I but kept my Sacred Vows to Gayman,
How happy had I been how prosperous he !
Whilst now I languish in a loath'd embrace,
Pine out my Life with Age Consumptions, Coughs.
But dost thou fear that Gay man is declining ?
Bred. You are my Lady, and the best of Mistresses
Therefore I would not grieve you, for I know
You love this best but most unhappy Man.
L. Ful. You shall not grieve me prithee on.
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 201
Bred, My Master sent me yesterday to Mr. Crap, his
Scrivener, to send to one Mr. Wasteall^ to tell him his
first Mortgage was out, which is two hundred pounds a
Year and who has since ingaged five or six hundred
more to my Master ; but if this first be not redeem'd, he'll
take the Forfeit on't, as he says a wise Man ought.
L. Ful. That is to say, a Knave, according to his Notion
of a wise Man.
Bred. Mr. Crap, being busy with a borrowing Lord,
sent me to Mr, Wasteall, whose Lodging is in a nasty
Place called Ahatia, at a Black-Smith's.
L. Ful. But what's all this to Gayman ?
Bred. Madam, this Wasteall was Mr. Gayman.
L. Ful. Gayman! Saw'st thou Gayman ?
Bred. Madam, Mr. Gayman, yesterday.
L. Ful. When came he to Town ?
Bred. Madam, he has not been out of it.
L. Ful. Not at his Uncle's in Northamptonshire?
Bred. Your Ladyship was wont to credit me.
L. Ful. Forgive me you went to a Black-Smith's
Bred. Yes, Madam ; and at the door encountred the
beastly thing he calls a Landlady ; who lookt as if she had
been of her own Husband's making, compos'd of moulded
Smith's Dust. I ask'd for Mr. Wasteall, and she began to
open and did so rail at him, that what with her Billinsgate,
and her Husband's hammers, I was both deaf and dumb
at last the hammers ceas'd, and she grew weary, and call'd
down Mr. Wasteall ; but he not answering I was sent up
a Ladder rather than a pair of Stairs ; at last I scal'd the top,
and enter'd the inchanted Castle ; there did I find him,
spite of the noise below, drowning his Cares in Sleep.
L. Ful. Whom foundst thou ? Gayman ?
Bred. He, Madam, whom I waked and seeing me,
Heavens, what Confusion seiz'd him ! which nothing but
my own Surprize could equal. Asham'd he wou'd have
turn'd away ;
2O2 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT i
But when he saw, by my dejected Eyes, I knew him,
He sigh'd, and blusht, and heard me tell my Business:
Then beg'd I wou'd be secret ; for he vow'd his whole
Repose and Life depended on my silence. Nor had I told
it now,
But that your Ladyship may find some speedy means to
draw him from this desperate Condition.
L. Ful. Heavens, is't possible ?
Bred. He's driven to the last degree of Poverty
Had you but seen his Lodgings, Madam !
L. Ful. What were they ?
Bred. 'Tis a pretty convenient Tub, Madam. He may
lie a long in't, there's just room for an old join'd Stool
besides the Bed, which one cannot call a Cabin, about the
largeness of a Pantry Bin, or a Usurer's Trunk ; there had
been Dornex Curtains to't in the days of Yore ; but they
were now annihilated, and nothing left to save his Eyes
from the Light, but my Landlady's Blue Apron, ty'd by
the strings before the Window, in which stood a broken
six-penny Looking-Glass, that shew'd as many Faces as
the Scene in Henry the Eighth, which could but just stand
upright, and then the Comb-Case fill'd it.
L. Ful. What a leud Description hast thou made of his
Chamber ?
Bred. Then for his Equipage, 'tis banisht to one small
Monsieur, who (saucy with his Master's Poverty) is rather
a Companion than a Footman.
L. Ful. But what said he to the Forfeiture of his Land ?
Bred. He sigh'd and cry'd, Why, farewel dirty Acres;
It shall not trouble me, since 'twas all but for Love !
L. Ful. How much redeems it ?
Bred. Madam, five hundred Pounds.
L. Ful. Enough you shall in some disguise convey this
Money to him, as from an unknown hand : I wou'd not
have him think it comes from me, for all the World :
That Nicety and Virtue I've profest, I am resolved to keep.
sc. in] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 203
Pert. If I were your Ladyship, I wou'd make use of
Sir Cautious'* Cash : pay him in his own Coin.
Bred. Your Ladyship wou'd make no Scruple of it, if
you knew how this poor Gentleman has been us'd by my
unmerciful Master.
L. Ful. I have a Key already to his Counting-House ;
it being lost, he had another made, and this I found and kept.
Bred. Madam, this is an excellent time for't, my Master
being gone to give my Sister Letlcia at Church.
L. Ful. 'Tis so, I'll go and commit the Theft, whilst
you prepare to carry it, and then we'll to dinner with
your Sister the Bride. [Exeunt.
SCENE III. The House of Sir Feeble.
Enter Sir Feeble, Leticia, Sir Cautious, Bearjest, Diana,
Noisey. Sir Feeble sings and salutes 'em.
Sir Feeb. Welcome, Joan Sanderson, welcome, welcome.
\_Kisses the Bride.
Ods bobs, and so thou art, Sweet-heart. \_So to the rest.
Bear. Methinks my Lady Bride is very melancholy.
Sir Cau. Ay, ay, Women that are discreet,. are always
thus upon their Wedding-day.
Sir Feeb. Always by day-light, Sir Cautious.
But when bright Phoebus does retire,
To Thetis' Bed to quench his fire,
And do the thing we need not name,
We Mortals by his influence do the same.
Then then the blushing Maid lays by
Her simpering, and her Modesty ;
And round the Lover clasps and twines
Like Ivy, or the circling Fines.
Sir Feeb. Here, Ralph, the Bottle, Rogue, of Sack, ye
Rascal; hadst thou been a Butler worth hanging, thou
wou'dst have met us at the door with it. Ods bods,
Sweet-heart, thy health.
204 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT i
Bear. Away with it, to the Bride's Haunce in Kelder.
Sir Feeb. Gots so, go to, Rogue, go to, that shall be,
Knave, that shall be the morrow morning ; he ods bobs,
we'll do't, Sweet heart ; here's to't. [Drinks again.
Let. I die but to imagine it, wou'd I were dead indeed.
Sir Feeb. Hah hum how's this ? Tears upon the
Wedding day ? Why, why you Baggage, you, ye little
Ting, Fools-face away, you Rogue, you're naughty,
you're naughty. [Patting and playing, and following her.
Look look look now, buss it buss it buss it and
Friends ; did'ums, did'ums beat its none silly Baby
away, you little Hussey, away, and pledge me
\_She drinks a little.
Sir Cau. A wise discreet Lady, I'll warrant her j my
Lady would prodigally have took it off all.
Sir Feeb. Dear's its nown dear Fubs ; buss again, buss
again, away, away ods bobs, I long for Night look,
look, Sir Cautious, what an Eye's there !
Sir Cau. Ay, so there is, Brother, and a modest Eye too.
Sir Feeb. Adad, I love her more and more, Ralph call
old Susan hither come, Mr. Bearjest, put the Glass about.
Ods bobs, when I was a young Fellow, I wou'd not let
the young Wenches look pale and wan but would rouse
'em, and touse 'em, and blowze 'em, till I put a colour
in their Cheeks, like an Apple John, affacks Nay, I can
make a shift still, and Pupsey shall not be jealous.
Enter Susan, Sir Feeble whispers her, she goes out.
Let. Indeed, not I; Sir. I shall be all Obedience.
Sir Cau. A most judicious Lady ; would my Julia had
a little of her Modesty ; but my Lady's a Wit.
Enter Susan with a Box.
Sir Feeb. Look here, my little Puskin, here's fine Play
things for its nown little Coxcomb go get you gone
get you gone, and off with this St. Martin's Trumpery,
these Play-house Glass Baubles, this Necklace, and these
sc. in] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 205
Pendants, and all this false Ware ; ods bobs, I'll have no
Counterfeit Geer about thee, not I. See these are right
* O
as the Blushes on thy Cheeks, and these as true as my
Heart, my Girl. Go, put 'em on, and be fine. [Gives' 1 em her.
Let. Believe me, Sir, I shall not merit this kindness.
Sir Feeb. Go to More of your Love, and less of your
Ceremony give the old Fool a hearty buss, and pay him
that way he, ye little wanton Tit, I'll steal up and catch
ye and love ye adod, I will get ye gone get ye gone.
Let. Heavens, what a nauseous thing is an old Man
turn'd Lover ! \_Ex. Leticia and Diana.
Sir Can. How, steal up, Sir Feeble I hope not so; I
hold it most indecent before the lawful hour.
Sir Feeb. Lawful hour ! Why, I hope all hours are lawful
with a Man's own Wife.
Sir Can. But wise Men have respect to Times and
Seasons.
Sir Feeb. Wise young Men, Sir Cautious ; but wise old
Men must nick their Inclinations; for it is not as 'twas
wont to be, for it is not as 'twas wont to be
'[Singing and Dancing.
Enter Ralph.
Ral. Sir, here's a young Gentleman without wou'd
speak with you.
Sir Feeb. Hum I hope it is not that same Bellmour
come to forbid the Banes if it be, he comes too late
therefore bring me first my long Sword, and then the
Gentleman. [Exit Ralph.
Bea. Pray, Sir, use mine, it is a travell'd Blade I can
assure you, Sir.
Sir Feeb. I thank you, Sir.
Enter Ralph and Bellmour disguised, gives him a Letter,
he reads.
How my Nephew !
Francis Fainwotfd! [Embraces him.
206 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT i
Bel. I am glad he has told me my Christian name.
Sir Feeb. Sir Cautious, know my Nephew 'tis a young
St. Omers Scholar but none of the Witnesses.
Sir Can. Marry, Sir, and the wiser he ; for they got
nothing by't.
Bea. Sir, I love and honour you, because you are a
Traveller.
Sir Feeb. A very proper young Fellow, and as like old
Frank Fainwoud as the Devil to the Collier ; but, Francis,
you are come into a very leud Town, Francis, for Whoring,
and Plotting, and Roaring, and Drinking; but you must
go to Church, Francis, and avoid ill Company, or you
may make damnable Havock in my Cash, Francis, what,
you can keep Merchants Books?
Bel. That's been my study, Sir.
Sir Feeb. And you will not be proud, but will be com
manded by me, Francis?
Bel. I desire not to be favour'd as a Kinsman, Sir, but
as your humblest Servant.
Sir Feeb. Why, thou'rt an honest Fellow, Francis,
and thou'rt heartily welcome and I'll make thee fortunate.
But come, Sir Cautious, let you and I take a turn i'th'
Garden, and get a right understanding between your
Nephew Mr. Bearjest, and my Daughter Dye.
Sir Cau. Prudently thought on, Sir, I'll wait on you.
[Ex. Sir Feeble, and Sir Cautious.
Bea. You are a Traveller, I understand.
Bel. I have seen a little part of the World, Sir.
Bea. So have I, Sir, I thank my Stars, and have per
formed most of my Travels on Foot, Sir.
Bel. You did not travel far then, I presume, Sir ?
Bea. No, Sir, it was for my diversion indeed ; but I
assure you, I travell'd into Ireland a-foot, Sir.
Bel. Sure, Sir, you go by shipping into Ireland?
Bea. That's all one, Sir, I was still a-foot, ever walking
on the Deck.
sc. m] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 207
Bel. Was that your farthest Travel, Sir?
Bea. Farthest why, that's the End of the World
and sure a Man can go no farther.
Bel. Sure, there can be nothing worth a Man's Curiosity?
Bea. No, Sir, I'll assure you, there are the Wonders
of the World, Sir : I'll hint you this one. There is a
Harbour which since the Creation was never capable of
receiving a Lighter, yet by another Miracle the King of
France was to ride there with a vast Fleet of Ships, and
to land a hundred thousand Men.
Bel. This is a swinging Wonder but are there store
of Mad-men there, Sir?
Bea. That's another Rarity to see a Man run out of
his Wits.
Not. Marry, Sir, the wiser they I say.
Bea. Pray, Sir, what store of Miracles have you at
St. Omen?
Bel. None, Sir, since that of the wonderful Salamanca
Doctor, who was both here and there at the same Instant
of time.
Bea. How, Sir ? why, that's impossible.
Bel. That was the Wonder, Sir, because 'twas impossible.
Not. But 'twas a greater, Sir, that 'twas believed.
Enter L. Fulb. and Pert, Sir Cau. and Sir Feeb.
Sir Feeb. Enough, enough, Sir Cautious, we apprehend
one another. Mr. Bearjest, your Uncle here and I have
struck the Bargain, the Wench is yours with three thousand
Pound present, and something more after Death, which
your Uncle likes well.
Bea. Does he so, Sir? I'm beholding to him; then 'tis
not a Pin matter whether I like or not, Sir.
Sir Feeb. How, Sir, not like my Daughter Dye ?
Bea. Oh, Lord, Sir, die or live, 'tis all one for that,
Sir I'll stand to the Bargain my Uncle makes.
Pert. Will you so, Sir? you'll have very good luck if
you do. \Andtt
208 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACTI, sc. m
Bea. Prithee hold thy Peace, my Lady's Woman.
L. Ful. Sir, I beg your pardon for not waiting on you
to Church I knew you wou'd be private.
Enter Let. fine in Jewels.
Sir Feeb. You honour us too highly now, Madam.
[Presents his Wife^ who salutes her.
L. Ful. Give you Joy, my dear Leticia! I find, Sir, you
were resolved for Youth, Wit and Beauty.
Sir Feeb. Ay, ay, Madam, to the Comfort of many a
hoping Coxcomb : but Lette, Rogue Lette thou wo't
not make me free o'th' City a second time, wo't thou
entice the Rogues with the Twire and the wanton Leer
the amorous Simper that cries, come, kiss me then the
pretty round Lips are pouted out he, Rogue, how I long
to be at 'em ! well, she shall never go to Church more,
that she shall not.
L. Ful. How, Sir, not to Church, the chiefest Recrea
tion of a City Lady ?
\rFeeb. That's all one, Madam, that tricking and dress
ing, and prinking and patching, is not your Devotion to
Heaven, but to the young Knaves that are lick'd and
comb'd and are minding you more than the Parson ods
bobs, there are more Cuckolds destin'd in the Church,
than are made out of it.
Sir Cau. Hah, ha, ha, he tickles ye, i'faith, Ladies.
[To his Lady.
Bel. Not one chance look this way and yet
I can forgive her lovely Eyes,
Because they look not pleas'd with all this Ceremony ;
And yet methinks some sympathy in Love
Might this way glance their Beams I cannot hold
Sir, is this fair Lady my Aunt ?
Sir Feeb. Oh, Francis! Come hither, Francis.
Lette, here's a young Rogue has a mind to kiss thee.
[Puts them together, she starts back.
ACT ii, sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 209
Nay, start not, he's my own Flesh and Blood,
My Nephew Baby look, look how the young
Rogues stare at one another ; like will to like, I see that.
Let. There's something in his Face so like my Bellmour,
it calls my Blushes up, and leaves my Heart defenceless.
Enter Ralph.
Ralph. Sir, Dinner's on the Table.
Sir Feeb. Come, come let's in then Gentlemen and
Ladies,
And share to day my Pleasures and Delight,
But
Adds bobs, they must be all mine own at Night. [Exeunt.
ACT II.
SCENE I. Cayman's Lodging.
Enter Gayman in a Night-Cap, and an old Campaign Coat
tied about him, very melancholy.
Gay. Curse on my Birth ! Curse on my faithless Fortune!
Curse on my Stars, and curst be all but Love !
That dear, that charming Sin, though t'have pull'd
Innumerable Mischiefs on my head,
I have not, nor I cannot find Repentance for.
Nor let me die despis'd, upbraided, poor :
Let Fortune, Friends and all abandon me
But let me hold thee, thou soft smiling God,
Close to my heart while Life continues there.
Till the last pantings of my vital Blood,
Nay, the last spark of Life and Fire be Love's !
Enter Rag.
How now, Rag, what's a Clock?
Rag. My Belly can inform you better than my Tongue.
Gay. Why, you gormandizing Vermin you, what have
you done with the Three pence I gave you a fortnight ago.
Rag. Alas, Sir, that's all gone long since.
Ill P
2io THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT n
Gay. You gutling Rascal, you are enough to breed a
Famine in a Land. I have known some industrious Foot
men, that have not only gotten their own Livings, but a
pretty Livelihood for their Masters too.
Rag. Ay, till they came to the Gallows, Sir.
Gay. Very well, Sirrah, they died in an honourable
Calling but hark ye, Rag, I have business, very earnest
business abroad this Evening; now were you a Rascal of
Docity, you wou'd invent a way to get home my last
Suit that was laid in Lavender with the Appurtenances
thereunto belonging, as Perriwig, Cravat, and so forth.
Rag. Faith, Master, I must deal in the black Art then,
for no human means will do't and now I talk of the black
Art, Master, try your Power once more with my Landlady.
Gay. Oh ! name her not, the thought on't turns my
Stomach a sight of her is a Vomit; but he's a bold
Hero that dares venture on her for a kiss, and all beyond
that sure is Hell it self yet there's my last, last Refuge
and I must to this Wedding I know not what, but
something whispers me, this Night I shall be happy and
without Julia 'tis impossible !
Rag. Julia, who's that ? my Lady Fulbank, Sir ?
Gay. Peace, Sirrah and call a no- Pox on't, come
back and yet yes call my fulsome Landlady.
[Exit Rag.
Sir Cautious knows me not by Name or Person.
And I will to this Wedding, I'm sure of seeing Julia there.
And what may come of that but here's old Nasty coming.
I smell her up hah, my dear Landlady.
Enter Rag and Landlady.
Quite out of breath a Chair there for my Landlady.
Rag. Here's ne'er a one, Sir.
Land. More of your Money and less of your Civility,
good Mr. Wasteall.
Gay. Dear Landlady
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 211
Land. Dear me no Dears, Sir, but let me have my
Money Eight Weeks Rent last Friday ; besides Taverns,
Ale-houses, Chandlers, Landresses' Scores, and ready
Money out of my Purse ; you know it, Sir.
Gay. Ay, but your Husband don't ; speak softly.
Land. My Husband ! what, do you think to fright me
with my Husband ? I'd have you to know I'm an honest
Woman, and care not this for my Husband. Is this all
the thanks I have for my kindness, for patching, borrow
ing and shifting for you ; 'twas but last Week I pawn'd
my best Petticoat, as I hope to wear it again, it cost me
six and twenty shillings besides Making; then this Morning
my new Norwich Mantua followed, and two postle Spoons,
I had the whole dozen when you came first ; but they
dropt, and dropt, till I had only Judas left for my Husband.
Gay. Hear me, good Landlady.
Land. Then I've past my word at the George Tavern,
for forty Shillings for you, ten Shillings at my Neighbour
Squabs for Ale, besides seven Shillings to Mother Suds for
Washing; and do you fob me off with my Husband?
Gay. Here, Rag, run and fetch her a Pint of Sack
there's no other way of quenching the Fire in her flabber
Chops. [Exit Rag.
But, my dear Landlady, have a little Patience.
Land. Patience ! I scorn your Words, Sir is this a
place to trust in ? tell me of Patience, that us'd to have
my money before hand ; come, come, pay me quickly
or old Gregory Grimes house shall be too hot to hold you.
Gay. Is't come to this, can I not be heard ?
Land. No, Sir, you had good Clothes when you came
first, but they dwindled daily, till they dwindled to this
old Campaign with tan'd coloured Lining once red
but now all Colours of the Rain-bow, a Cloke to sculk
in a Nights, and a pair of piss-burn'd shammy Breeches.
Nay, your very Badge of Manhood's gone too.
Gay. How, Landlady ! nay then, i'faith, no wonder if
you rail so.
212 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT n
Land. Your Silver Sword I mean transmogrified to
this two-handed Basket Hilt this old Sir Guy of Warwick
which will sell for nothing but old Iron. In fine, I'll
have my money, Sir, or i'faith, Ahat'ia shall not shelter you.
Enter Rag.
Gay. Well, Landlady if we must part let's drink at
parting ; here, Landlady, here's to the Fool thatshalllove
you better than I have done. [Sighing, drinks.
Land. Rot your Wine dy'e think to pacify me with
Wine, Sir?
[She refusing to drink, he holds open her Jaws, Rag
throws a Glass of Wine into her Mouth.
What, will you force me? no give me another
Glass, I scorn to be so uncivil to be forced, my service to
you, Sir this shan't do, Sir.
f She drinks, he, embracing her, sings.
Ah, Cloris, 'tis in vain you scold,
Whilst your Eyes kindle such a Fire.
Tour Railing cannot make me cold,
So fast as they a Warmth inspire.
Land. Well, Sir, you have no reason to complain of
my Eyes nor my Tongue neither, if rightly understood.
[ Weeps.
Gay. I know you are the best of Landladies,
As such I drink your Health [Drinks.
But to upbraid a Man in Tribulation fie 'tis not done
like a Woman of Honour, a Man that loves you too.
[She drinks.
Land. I am a little hasty sometimes, but you know my
good Nature.
Gay. I do, and therefore trust my little wants with you.
I shall be rich again and then, my dearest Landlady
Land. Wou'd this Wine might ne'er go through me,
if I wou'd not go, as they say, through Fire and Water
by Night or by Day for you. [She drinks.
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 213
Gay. And as this is Wine I do believe thee. [He drinks.
Land. Well you have no money in your Pocket
now, I'll warrant you here here's ten Shillings for
you old Gregory knows not of.
[Opens a great greasy purse.
Gay. I cannot in Conscience take it, good Faith, I
cannot besides, the next Quarrel you'll hit me in the
Teeth with it.
Land. Nay, pray no more of that ; forget it, forget it.
I own I was to blame here, Sir, you shall take it.
Gay. Ay, but what shou'd I do with Money in these
damn'd Breeches ? No, put it up I can't appear abroad
thus no, I'll stay at home, and lose my business.
Land. Why, is there no way to redeem one of your
Suits r
Gay. None none I'll e'en lay me down and die.
Land. Die marry, Heavens forbid I would not for
the World let me see hum what does it lie for?
Gay. Alas ! dear Landlady, a Sum a Sum.
Land. Well, say no more, I'll lay about me.
Gay. By this kiss but you shall not Assafetida, by this
Light.
Land. Shall not ? that's a good one, i'faith : shall you
rule, or I ?
Gay. But shou'd your Husband know it ?
Land. Husband marry come up, Husbands know
Wives secrets ? No, sure, the World's not so bad yet
where do your things lie ? and for what ?
Gay. Five Pounds equips me Rag can conduct you
but I say you shall not go, I've sworn.
Land. Meddle with your matters let me see, the
Caudle Cup that Molly's Grandmother left her, will pawn
for about that sum I'll sneak it out well, Sir, you shall
have your things presently trouble not your head, but
expect me.
[Ex. Landlady and Rag.
214 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT n
Gay. Was ever man put to such beastly shifts? 'Sdeath,
how she stunk my senses are must luxuriously regal'd
there's my perpetual Musick too
[Knocking of Hammers on a Anvil.
The ringing of Bells is an Ass to't.
Enter Rag.
Rag. Sir, there's one in a Coach below wou'd speak to
you.
Gay. With me, and in a Coach ! who can it be ?
Rag. The Devil, I think, for he has a strange Coun
tenance.
Gay. The Devil ! shew your self a Rascal of Parts,
Sirrah, and wait on him up with Ceremony.
Rag. Who, the Devil, Sir ?
Gay. Ay, the Devil, Sir, if you mean to thrive.
[Exit Rag.
Who can this be but see he comes to inform me
withdraw.
Enter Bredwel drest like a Devil.
Bred. I come to bring you this [Gives him a Letter.
Gayman reads.
RECEIVE what Love and Fortune present you with, be
grateful and be silent, or 'twill vanish like a dream, and
leave you more wretched that it found You.
Adieu.
hah [Gives him a bag of Money.
Bred. Nay, view it, Sir, 'tis all substantial Gold.
Gay. Now dare not I ask one civil question for fear it
vanish all \_Aside.
But I may ask, how 'tis I ought to pay for this great
Bounty.
Bred. Sir, all the Pay is Secrecy
Gay. And is this all that is required, Sir ?
Bred. No, you're invited to the Shades below.
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 215
Gay. Hum, Shades below ! I am not prepared for such
a Journey, Sir.
Bred. If you have Courage, Youth or Love, you'll
follow me :
When Night's black Curtain's drawn around the World,
And mortal Eyes are safely lockt in sleep,
[In feign d Heroick Tone.
And no bold Spy dares view when Gods caress,
Then I'll conduct thee to the Banks of Bliss.
Durst thou not trust me ?
Gay. Yes, sure, on such substantial security.
[Hugs the Bag.
Bred. Just when the Day is vanish'd into Night,
And only twinkling Stars inform the World,
Near to the Corner of the silent Wall,
In Fields of Lincoln 's-Inn, thy Spirit shall meet thee.
Farewell. [Goes out.
Gay. Hum I am awake sure, and this is Gold I grasp.
I could not see this Devil's cloven Foot;
Nor am I such a Coxcomb to believe,
But he was as substantial as his Gold.
Spirits, Ghosts, Hobgoblins, Furies, Fiends and Devils,
I've often heard old Wives fright Fools and Children with,
Which, once arriv'd to common Sense, they laugh at.
No, I am for things possible and Natural :
Some Female Devil, old and damn'd to Ugliness,
And past all Hopes of Courtship and Address,
Full of another Devil called Desire,
Has seen this Face this Shape this Youth,
And thinks it's worth her Hire. It must be so :
I must moil on in the damn'd dirty Road,
And sure such Pay will make the Journey easy :
And for the Price of the dull drudging Night,
All Day F II purchase new and fresh Delight. [Exit.
216 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT 11
SCENE II. Sir Feeble's House.
Enter Leticia, pursued by Phillis.
Phil. Why, Madam, do you leave the Garden,
For this retreat to Melancholy?
Let. Because it suits my Fortune and my Humour ;
And even thy Presence wou'd afflict me now.
Phil. Madam, I was sent after you ; my Lady Fulbank
has challeng'd Sir Feeble at Bowls, and stakes a Ring of
fifty Pound against his new Chariot.
Let. Tell him I wish him Luck in every thing,
But in his Love to me
Go tell him I am viewing of the Garden. \_Ex. Phillis.
Enter Bellmour at a distance behind her.
Blest be this kind Retreat, this 'lone Occasion,
That lends a short Cessation to my Torments,
And gives me leave to vent my Sighs and Tears. [Weeps.
Bel. And doubly blest be all the Powers of Love,
That give me this dear Opportunity.
Let. Where were you, all ye pitying Gods of Love ?
That once seem'd pleas'd at Bellmour's Flame and mine,
And smiling join'd our Hearts, our sacred Vows,
And spread your Wings, and held your Torches high.
Bel. Oh [She starts, and pauses.
Let. Where were you now? When this unequal Marriage
Gave me from all my Joys, gave me from Bellmour ;
Your Wings were flag'd, your Torches bent to Earth,
And all your little Bonnets veil'd your Eyes;
You saw not, or were deaf and pitiless.
Bel. Oh my Leticia!
Let. Hah, 'tis there again ; that very voice was Bellmour'' s:
Where art thou, Oh thou lovely charming Shade ?
For sure thou canst not take a Shape to fright me.
What art thou ? speak !
[Not looting behind her yet for fear.
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 217
Bel. Thy constant true Adorer,
Who all this fatal Day has haunted thee
To ease his tortur'd Soul. [Approaching nearer.
Let. My Heart is well acquainted with that Voice,
But Oh, my Eyes dare not encounter thee.
[Speaking with signs of fear.
Bel. Is it because thou'st broken all thy Vows ?
Take to thee Courage, and behold thy Slaughters.
Let. Yes, though the Sight wou'd blast me, I wou'd
view it. [Turns.
'Tis he 'tis very Bellmour! or so like
I cannot doubt but thou deserv'st this Welcome.
[Embraces him.
Bel. Oh my Leticia!
Let. I'm sure I grasp not Air ; thou art no Fantom :
Thy Arms return not empty to my Bosom,
But meet a solid Treasure.
Bel. A Treasure thou so easily threw'st away ;
A Riddle simple Love ne'er understood.
Let. Alas, I heard, my Bellmour^ thou wert dead.
Bel. And was it thus you mourn'd my Funeral ?
Let. I will not justify my hated Crime :
But Oh ! remember I was poor and helpless,
And much reduc'd, and much impos'd upon.
[Bellmour weeps.
Bel. And Want compell'd thee to this wretched Mar
riage did it?
Let. 'Tis not a Marriage, since my Bellmour lives ;
The Consummation were Adultery.
I was thy Wife before, wo't thou deny me ?
Bel. No, by those Powers that heard our mutual Vows,
Those Vows that tie us faster than dull Priests.
Let. But oh my Bellmour^ thy sad Circumstances
Permit thee not to make a publick Claim :
Thou art proscribed, and diest if thou art seen.
Bel. Alas!
218 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT n
Let. Yet I wou'd wander with thee o'er the World,
And share thy humblest Fortune with thy Love.
Bel. Is't possible, Leticia, thou wou'dst fly
To foreign Shores with me?
Let. Can Bellmour doubt the Soul he knows so well ?
Bel. Perhaps in time the King may find my Innocence,
and may extend his Mercy :
Mean time I'll make provision for our Flight.
Let. But how 'twixt this and that can I defend
My self from the loath'd Arms of an impatient Dotard,
That I may come a spotless Maid to thee ?
Bel. Thy native Modesty and my Industry
Shall well enough secure us.
Feign your nice Virgin-Cautions all the day ;
Then trust at night to my Conduct to preserve thee.
And wilt thou yet be mine? Oh, swear a-new,
Give me again thy Faith, thy Vows, thy Soul ;
For mine's so sick with this Day's fatal Business,
It needs a Cordial of that mighty strength ;
Swear swear, so as if thou break'st
Thou tnayst be any thing but damn'd, Leticia.
Let. Thus then, and hear me, Heaven ! [Kneels.
Bel. And thus I'll listen to thee. [Kneels.
Enter Sir Feeble, L. Fulbank, Sir Cautious.
Sir Feeb. Lette, Lette, Lette, where are you, little Rogue,
Lette ?
Hah hum what's here
[Bel. snatches her to his Bosom y as if she fainted.
Bel. Oh Heavens, she's gone, she's gone !
Sir Feeb. Gone whither is she gone ? it seems she
had the Wit to take good Company with her
[The Women go to her, take her up.
Bel. She's gone to Heaven, Sir, for ought I know.
Sir Cau. She was resolv'd to go in a young Fellow's
Arms, I see.
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 219
Sir Feeb. Go to, Francis go to.
L. Ful. Stand back, Sir, she recovers.
Bel. Alas, I found her dead upon the Floor,
Shou'd I have left her so if I had known your mind
Sir Feeb. Was it so was it so ? Got so, by no means,
Francis.
Let. Pardon him, Sir, for surely I had died,
Bur for his timely coming.
Sir Feeb. Alas, poor Pupsey was it sick -look here
here's a fine thing to make it well again. Come, buss, and
it shall have it oh, how I long for Night.
Ra/ph, are the Fidlers ready ? .
Ral. They are tuning in the Hall, Sir.
Sir Feeb. That's well, they know my mind. I hate that
same twang, twang, twang, fum, fum, fum, tweedle,
tweedle, tweedle, then scrue go the Pins, till a man's Teeth
are on an edge ; then snap, says a small Gut, and there we
are at a loss again. I long to be in bed with a hey tredodle,
tredodle, tredodle, with a hay tredool, tredodle, tredo
[Dancing and playing on his Stick like a Flute.
Sir Cau. A prudent Man would reserve himself
Good-facks, I danc'd so on my Wedding-day, that when
I came to Bed, to my Shame be it spoken, I fell fast asleep,
and slept till morning.
L. Ful. Where was your Wisdom then, Sir Cautious?
But I know what a wise Woman ought to have done.
Sir Feeb. Odsbobs, that's Wormwood, that's Worm
wood I shall have my young Hussey set a-gog too ; she'll
hear there are better things in the World than she has at
home, and then odsbobs, and then they'll ha't, adod, they
will, Sir Cautious. Ever while you live, keep a Wife
ignorant, unless a Man be as brisk as his Neighbours.
Sir Cau. A wise Man will keep 'em from baudy
Christnings then, and Gossipings.
Sir Feeb. Christnings and Gossipings ! why, they are the
very Schools that debauch our Wives, as Dancing-Schools
do our Daughters.
22O THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT n
Sir Can. Ay, when the overjoy'd good Man invites 'em
all against that time Twelve-month : Oh, he's a dear Man,
cries one I must marry, cries another, here's a Man
indeed my Husband God help him
Sir Feeb. Then he falls to telling of her Grievance, till
(half maudlin) she weeps again : Just my Condition, cries
a third : so the Frolick goes round, and we poor Cuckolds
are anatomiz'd, and turn'd the right side outwards ;
adsbobs, we are, Sir Cautious.
Sir Cau. Ay, ay, this Grievance ought to be redrest,
Sir Feeble ; the grave and sober part o'th' Nation are
hereby ridicul'd,
Ay, and cuckolded too for ought I know.
L. Ful. Wise Men knowing this, should not expose
their Infirmities, by marrying us young Wenches ; who,
without Instruction, find how we are impos'd upon.
Enter Fiddles playing^ Mr. Bearjest and Diana dancing ;
Bredwel, Noisey, &c.
L. Ful. So, Cousin, I see you have found the way to
Mrs. Dy'$ Heart.
Bea. Who, I, my dear Lady Aunt? I never knew but
one way to a Woman's Heart, and that road I have not
yet travelled ; for my Uncle, who is a wise Man, says
Matrimony is a sort of a kind of a as it were, d'ye see,
of a Voyage, which every Man of Fortune is bound to
make one time or other : and Madam I am, as it were
a bold Adventurer.
Dia. And are you sure, Sir, you will venture on me ?
Bea. Sure ! I thank you for that as if I could not
believe my Uncle ; For in this case a young Heir has no
more to do, but to come and see, settle, marry, and use
you scurvily.
Dia. How, Sir, scurvily ?
Bea. Very scurvily, that is to say, be always fashionably
drunk, despise the Tyranny of your Bed, and reign
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 221
absolutely keep a Seraglio of Women, and let my Bastard
Issue inherit ; be seen once a Quarter, or so, with you in
the Park for Countenance, where we loll two several ways
in the gilt Coach like Janus, or a Spread-Eagle.
Dia. And do you expect I shou'd be honest the while ?
Bea. Heaven forbid, not I, I have not met with that
Wonfder in all my Travels.
L. Ful. How, Sir, not an honest Woman ?
Bea. Except my Lady Aunt Nay, as I am a Gentle
man and the first of my Family you shall pardon me,
here cuff me, cuff me soundly. \_Kneeh to her.
Enter Gayman richly drest.
Gay. This Love's a damn'd bewitching thing Now
though I should lose my Assignation with my Devil, I
cannot hold from seeing Julia to night : hah there, and
with a Fop at her Feet. Oh Vanity of Woman !
[Softly pulls her.
L. Ful. Oh, Sir, you're welcome from Northamptonshire.
Gay. Hum surely she knows the Cheat. [Aside.
L. Ful. You are so gay, you save me, Sir, the labour of
asking if your Uncle be alive.
Gay. Pray Heaven she have not found my Circum
stances ! [Aside.
But if she have, Confidence must assist me
And, Madam, you're too gay for me to inquire
Whether you are that Julia which I left you ?
L. Ful. Oh, doubtless, Sir
Gay. But why the Devil do I ask Yes, you are still
the same ; one of those hoiting Ladies, that love nothing
like Fool and Fiddle ; Crouds of Fops ; had rather be
publickly, though dully, flatter'd, than privately ador'd :
you love to pass for the Wit of the Company, by talking
all and loud.
L. Ful. Rail on, till you have made me think my Virtue
at so low Ebb, it should submit to you.
222 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT n
Gay. What I'm not discreet enough ;
I'll babble all in my next high Debauch,
Boast of your Favours, and describe your Charms
Xo every wishing Fool.
L. Ful. Or make most filthy Verses of me
Under the name of Claris you Philander,
Who in leud Rhimes confess the dear Appointment ;
What Hour, and where, how silent was the Night,
How full of Love your Eyes, and wishing mine.
Faith, no ; if you can afford me a Lease of your Love,
Till the old Gentleman my Husband depart this wicked
World,
I'm for the Bargain.
Sir Cau. Hum what's here, a young Spark at my
Wife? [Goes about 'em.
Gay. Unreasonable Julia, is that all,
My Love, my Sufferings, and my Vows must hope ?
Set me an Age say when you will be kind,
And I will languish out in starving Wish :
But thus to gape for Legacies of Love,
Till Youth be past Enjoyment,
The Devil I will as soon farewel. [Offers to go.
L. Ful. Stay, I conjure you stay.
Gay. And lose my Assignation with my Devil.
[Aside.
Sir Cau. 'Tis so, ay, ay, 'tis so and wise Men will
perceive it ; 'tis here here in my forehead, it more than
buds ; it sprouts, it flourishes.
Sir Feeb. So, that young Gentleman has nettled him,
stung him to the quick : I hope he'll chain her up the
Gad-Bee's in his Quonundrum in Charity I'll relieve
him Come, my Lady Fulbank, the Night grows old
upon our hands ; to dancing, to jiggiting Come, shall I
lead your Ladyship ?
L. Ful. No, Sir, you see I am better provided
[ Takes Cayman's hand.
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 223
Sir Can. Ay, no doubt on't, a Pox on him for a young
handsome Dog. [ They dance all.
Sir Feeb. Very well, very well, now the Posset ; and
then ods bobs, and then
Dia. And then we'll have t'other Dance.
Sir Feeb. Away, Girls, away, and steal the Bride to Bed;
they have a deal to do upon their Wedding-nights ; and
what with the tedious Ceremonies of dressing and undress
ing, the smutty Lectures of the Women, by way of
Instruction, and the little Stratagems of the young Wenches
odds bobs, a Man's cozen'd of half his Night : Come,
Gentlemen, one Bottle, and then we'll toss the Stocking.
[Exeunt all but L. Ful. Bred, who are talking, and
Gay man.
L. Ful. But dost thou think he'll come ?
Bred. I do believe so, Madam
L. Ful. Be sure you contrive it so, he may not know
whither, or to whom he comes.
Bred. I warrant you, Madam, for our Parts.
[Exit Bredwel, stealing out Gayman.
L. Ful. How now, what, departing ?
Gay. You are going to the Bride-Chamber.
L. Ful. No matter, you shall stay
Gay. I hate to have you in a Croud.
L. Ful. Can you deny me will you not give me one
lone hour i'th' Garden ?
Gay. Where we shall only tantalize each other with
dull kissing, and part with the same Appetite we met
No, Madam ; besides, I have business
L. Ful. Some Assignation is it so indeed ?
Gay. Away, you cannot think me such a Traitor ; 'tis
more important business
L. Ful. Oh, 'tis too late for business let to morrow
serve.
Gay. By no means the Gentleman is to go out of Town.
L. Ful. Rise the earlier then
224 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT in
Gay. But, Madam, the Gentleman lies dangerously
sick and should he die
L. Ful. 'Tis not a dying Uncle, I hope, Sir ?
Gay. Hum
L. Ful. The Gentleman a dying, and to go out of
Town to morrow ?
Gay. Ay a he goes in a Litter 'tis his Fancy,
Madam Change of Air may recover him.
L. Ful. So may your change of Mistress do me, Sir
farewel. '[Goes out.
Gay. Stay, Julia Devil, be damn'd for you shall
tempt no more, I'll love and be undone but she is gone
And if I stay, the most that I shall gain
Is but a reconciling Look, or Kiss.
No, my kind Goblin
P II keep my Word with thee, as the least Evil;
A tantalizing Woman's worse than Devil. [Exit.
ACT III.
SCENE I. Sir Feeble's House.
The Second Song before the Entry.
A SONG made by Mr. Cheek.
NO more, Lucinda, ah ! expose no more
To the admiring World those conquering Charms :
In vain all day unhappy Men adore.
What the kind Night gives to my longing Arms.
Their vain Attempts can ne'er successful prove,
Whilst I so well maintain the Fort of Love.
Yet to the World with so bewitching Arts,
Tour dazling Beauty you around display,
And triumph in the Spoils of broken Hearts,
That sink beneath your feet, and croud your Way.
Ah 1 suffer now your Cruelty to cease,
And to a fruitless War prefer a Peace.
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 225
Enter Ralph with Light, Sir Feeble, and Bellmour
sad.
Sir Feeb. So, so, they're gone Come, Francis, you
shall have the Honour of undressing me for the Encounter ;
but 'twill be a sweet one, Francis.
Bel. Hell take him, how he teazes me !
[ Undressing all the while.
Sir Feeb. But is the young Rogue laid, Francis is she
stoln to Bed ? What Tricks the young Baggages have
to whet a man's Appetite ?
Bel. Ay, Sir Pox on him he will raise my Anger
up to Madness, and I shall kill him to prevent his going
to Bed to her. [Aside.
Sir Feeb. A pise of those Bandstrings the more haste
the less speed.
Bel. Be it so in all things, I beseech thee, Venus.
Sir Feeb. Thy aid a little, Francis oh, oh thou choak-
est me, 'sbobs, what dost mean ? [Pinches him by the Throat.
Bel. You had so hamper'd 'em, Sir the Devil's very
mischievous in me. [Aside.
Sir Feeb. Come, come, quick, good Francis, adod, I'm
as yare as a Hawk at the young Wanton nimbly, good
Francis, untruss, untruss.
Bel. Cramps seize ye what shall I do? the near
Approach distracts me. [Aside.
Sir Feeb. So, so, my Breeches, good Francis. But well,
Francis, how dost think I got the young Jade my Wife ?
Bel. With five hundred pounds a year Jointure, Sir.
Sir Feeb. No, that wou'd not do, the Baggage was
damnably in love with a young Fellow they call Bellmour,
a handsome young Rascal he was, they say, that's truth
on't ; and a pretty Estate : but happening to kill a Man
he was forced to fly.
Bel. That was great pity, Sir.
Sir Feeb. Pity ! hang him, Rogue, 'sbobs, and all the
young Fellows in the Town deserve it ; we can never
III Q
226 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT in
keep our Wives and Daughters honest for rampant young
Dogs; and an old Fellow cannot put in amongst 'em,
under being undone, with Presenting, and the Devil and
all. But what dost think I did ? being damnably in love
I feign'd a Letter as from the Hague, wherein was a
Relation of this same Bel/mourns being hang'd.
Bel. Is't possible, Sir, you cou'd devise such News?
Sir Feeb. Possible, Man ! I did it, I did it ; she swooned
at the News, shut her self up a whole Month in her
Chamber ; but I presented high : she sigh'd and wept,
and swore she'd never marry : still I presented ; she hated,
loathed, spit upon me ; still, adod, I presented, till I pre
sented my self effectually in Church to her ; for she at
last wisely considered her Vows were cancell'd, since
Bellmour was hang'd.
Bel. Faith, Sir, this was very cruel, to take away his
Fame, and then his Mistress.
Sir Feeb. Cruel ! thou'rt an Ass, we are but even with
the brisk Rogues, for they take away our Fame, cuckold
us, and take away our Wives : so, so, my Cap, Francis.
Bel. And do you think this Marriage lawful, Sir ?
Sir Feeb. Lawful ! it shall be when I've had Livery
and Seisin of her Body and that shall be presently Rogue,
quick besides, this Bellmour dares as well be hang'd
as come into England.
Bel. If he gets his Pardon, Sir
Sir Feeb. Pardon ! no, no, I have took care for that,
for I have, you must know, got his Pardon already.
Bel. How, Sir ! got his Pardon, that's some amends for
robbing him of his Wife.
Sir Feeb. Hold, honest Francis : What, dost think 'twas
in kindness to him ! No, you Fool, I got his Pardon my
self, that no body else should have it, so that if he gets
any body to speak to his Majesty for it, his Majesty cries
he has granted it ; but for want of my appearance, he's
defunct, trust up, hang'd, Francis.
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 227
Bel. This is the most excellent Revenge I ever heard of.
Sir Feeb. Ay, I learnt it of a great Politician of our
Times.
Bel. But have you got his Pardon ?
Sir Feeb. I've done't, I've done't ; Pox on him, it cost
me five hundred pounds though : Here 'tis, my Solicitor
brought it me this Evening. [Gives it him.
Bel. This was a lucky hit and if it scape me, let me
be hang'd by a Trick indeed. [Aside.
Sir Feeb. So, put it into my Cabinet, safe, Francis, safe.
Bel. Safe, I'll warrant you, Sir.
Sir Feeb. My Gown, quick, quick, t'other Sleeve,
Man so now my Night-cap ; well, I'll in, throw open
my Gown to fright away the Women, and jump into her
Arms. [Exit Sir Feeble.
Be!. He's gone, quickly, oh Love inspire me!
Enter a Footman.
Foot. Sir, my Master, Sir Cautious Fulbank y left his Watch
on the little Parlor-Table to night, and bid me call for't.
Bel. Hah the Bridegroom has it, Sir, who is just
gone to Bed, it shall be sent him in the Morning.
Foot. 'Tis very well, Sir your Servant
[Exit Footman.
Bel. Let me see here is the Watch, I took it up to
keep for him but his sending has inspir'd me with a
sudden Stratagem, that will do better than Force, to
secure the poor trembling Leticia who, I am sure, is
dying with her Fears. [Exit Bellmour.
SCENE II. Changes to the Bed-chamber ; Leticia in an
undressing by the Women at the Table.
Enter to them Sir Feeble Fainwou'd.
Sir Feeb. What's here ? what's here ? the prating Women
still. Ods bobs, what, not in Bed yet ? for shame of Love,
Leticia.
228 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT in
Let. For shame of Modesty, Sir ; you wou'd not have
me go to Bed before all this Company.
Sir Feeb. What, the Women ! why, they must see you
laid, 'tis the fashion.
Let. What, with a Man ? I wou'd not for the World.
Oh, Bellmour, where art thou with all thy promised aid ?
[Aside.
Dia. Nay, Madam, we shou'd see you laid indeed.
Let. First in my Grave, Diana.
Sir Feeb. Ods bobs, here's a Compact amongst the
Women High Treason against the Bridegroom there
fore, Ladies, withdraw, or, adod, I'll lock you all in.
[ Throws open his Gown, they run all away, he locks
the Door.
So, so, now we're alone, Leticla off with this foolish
Modesty, and Night Gown, and slide into my Arms.
[She runs from him.
H'e', my little Puskin what, fly me, my coy Daphne,
\_Hepursuesher. Knocking.
Hah who's that knocks who's there ?
Bel. [Within.'] 'Tis I, Sir, 'tis I, open the door presently.
Sir Feeb. Why, what's the matter, is the House o-fire ?
Bel. \WtikHnJ\ Worse, Sir, worse
[He opens the door, Bellmour enters with the Watch
in his hand.
Let. 'Tis Bellmour' 's Voice !
Be!. Oh, Sir, do you know this Watch ?
Sir Feeb. This Watch !
Be!. Ay, Sir, this Watch ?
Sir Feeb. This Watch ! why, prithee, why dost tell
me of a Watch ? 'tis Sir Cautious Fulbank's Watch ; what
then, what a Pox dost trouble me with Watches ?
[Offers to put him out, he returns.
Bel. 'Tis indeed his Watch, Sir, and by this Token he
has sent for you, to come immediately to his House, Sir.
Sir Feeb. What a Devil, art mad, Francis? or is his
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 229
Worship mad, or does he think me mad ? go, prithee
tell him I'll come to him to morrow. [Goes to put him out.
Bel. To morrow, Sir ! why all our Throats may be
cut before to morrow.
Sir Feeb. What sayst thou, Throat cut ?
Bel. Why, the City's up in Arms, Sir, and all the
Aldermen are met at Guild-Hall; some damnable Plot, Sir.
Sir Feeb. Hah Plot the Aldermen met at Guild-
Hail! hum why, let 'em meet, I'll not lose this Night
to save the Nation.
Let. Wou'd you to bed, Sir, when the weighty Affairs
of State require your Presence?
Sir Feeb. Hum met at Guild-Hall; my Clothes,
my Gown again, Francis, I'll out out ! what, upon my
Wedding-night? No I'll in.
\_Putting on his Gown pausing, pulls it off again.
Let. For shame, Sir, shall the Reverend Council of
the City debate without you ?
Sir Feeb. Ay, that's true, that's true ; come truss again,
Francis, truss again yet now I think on't, Francis,
prithee run thee to the Hall, and tell 'em 'tis my Wedding-
night, d'ye see, Francis; and let some body give my
Voice for
Bel. What, Sir?
Sir Feeb. Adod, I cannot tell ; up in Arms, say you! why,
let 'em fight Dog, fight Bear; mun, I'll to Bed go
Let. And shall his Majesty's Service and his Safety lie
unregarded for a slight Woman, Sir ?
Sir Feeb. Hum, his Majesty ! come, haste, Francis,
I'll away, and call Ralph, and the Footmen, and bid 'em
arm ; each Man shoulder his Musket, and advance his Pike
and bring my Artillery Implements quick and let's
away : Pupsey b'u'y, Pupsey, I'll bring it a fine thing yet
before Morning, it may be let's away : I shall grow fond,
and forget the business of the Nation Come, follow me,
Francis. \_Exit Sir Feeble, Bellmour runs to Leticia.
230 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT in
Bel. Now, my Leticia, if thou e'er didst Love,
If ever thou design's! to make me blest
Without delay fly this adulterous Bed.
Sir Feeb. Why, Francis, where are you, Knave ?
[Sir Feeb. within.
Bel. I must be gone, lest he suspect us I'll lose him,
and return to thee immediately get thy self ready.
Let. I will not fail, my Love. [Exit Bellmour.
Old Man forgive me thou the Aggressor art,
Who rudely fore 1 d the Hand without the Heart.
She cannot from the Paths of Honour rove,
Whose Guide 1 s Religion, and whose End is Love. [Exit.
SCENE III. Changes to a Wash-house, or Out-House.
Enter with a Dark-lanthorn Bredwel disguised like a Devil,
leading Gayman.
Bred. Stay here till I give notice of your coming.
[Exit Bredwel, leaves his Dark-Lanthorn,
Gay. Kind Light, a little of your aid now must I be
peeping, though my Curiosity should lose me all hah
Zouns, what here a Hovel or a Hog-sty ? hum, see the
Wickedness of Man, that I should find no time to swear
in, but just when I'm in the Devil's Clutches.
Enter Pert, as an old Woman, with a Stajf.
Old W. Good Even to you, fair Sir.
Gay. Ha defend me ; if this be she, I must rival the
Devil, that's certain.
Old W. Come, young Gentleman, dare not you venture?
Gay. He must be as hot as Vesuvius that does I shall
never earn my Morning's Present.
Old W. What, do you fear a longing Woman, Sir?
Gay. The Devil I do this is a damn'd Preparation
to Love.
Old W. Why stand you gazing, Sir ? A Woman's
sc. iv] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 231
Passion is like the Tide, it stays for no man when the hour
is come
Gay. I'm sorry I have took it at its Turning ;
I'm sure mine's ebbing out as fast.
Old l. Will you not speak, Sir will you not on ?
Gay. I wou'd fain ask a civil Question or two first.
Old W. You know too much Curiosity lost Paradise.
Gay. Why, there's it now.
Old W. Fortune and Love invite you, if you dare
follow me.
Gay. This is the first thing in Petticoats that ever dar'd
me in vain. Were I but sure she were but human now
for sundry Considerations she might down but I will
on [S^ goes, he follows ; both go out.
SCENE IV. A Chamber in the Apartments of L. Fulbank.
Enter Old Woman followed by Gayman in the dark.
[Soft Music k plays, she leaves him.
Gay. Hah, Musick and Excellent !
SONG.
OH! Love, that stronger art than Wine,
Pleasing Delusion, Witchery divine,
Want to be prized above all Wealth,
Disease that has more Joys than Health ;
"Though we blaspheme thee in our Pain,
And of thy Tyranny complain,
We all are bettered by thy Reign.
What Reason never can bestow,
We to this useful Passion owe.
Love wakes the dull from sluggish Ease,
And learns a Clown the Art to please :
Humbles the Vain, kindles the Cold,
Makes Misers free, and Cowards bold.
'TV; he reforms the Sot from Drink,
And teaches airy Fops to think.
232 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT m
When full brute Appetite is fed,
And choak'd the Glutton lies, and dead ;
Thou new Spirits dost dispense,
And fine st the gross Delights of Sense.
Virtue's unconquerable Aid,
That against Nature can persuade ;
And makes a roving Mind retire
Within the Bounds of just Desire.
C hearer of Age, Youth's kind Unrest,
And half the Heaven of the blest.
Gay. Ah, Julia, Julia! if this soft Preparation
Were but to bring me to thy dear Embraces ;
What different Motions wou'd surround my Soul,
From what perplex it now.
Enter Nymphs and Shepherds, and dance.
\Then two dance alone. All go out but Pert and a
Shepherd.
If these be Devils, they are obliging ones :
I did not care if I ventur'd on that last Female Fiend.
Man sings.
Cease your Wonder, cease your Guess,
Whence arrives your happiness.
Cease your Wonder, cease your Pain,
Human Fancy is in vain.
Chorus. 'Tis enough, you once shall find,
Fortune may to Worth be kind ; [gives him Gold.
And Love can leave off" being blind.
Pert sings.
You, before you enter here
On this sacred Ring must swear, [Puts it on his
By the Figure which is round, Finger, holds
Your Passion constant and profound ; his Hand.
By the Adamantine Stone,
To be fixt to one alone :
sc. iv] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 233
By the Lustre, which is true.
Ne'er to break your sacred Vow.
Lastly, by the Gold that's try'd,
For Love all Dangers to abide.
They all dance about him, while those same two sing.
Man. Once about him let us move,
To confirm him true to Love. [bis.
Pert. Twice with mystick turning Feet,
Make him silent and discreet. [bis.
Man. Thrice about him let us tread,
To keep him ever young in Bed. [bis.
Gives him another part.
Man. Forget Aminta's proud Disdain ;
Haste here, and sigh no more in vain,
The Joy of Love without the Pain.
Pert. That God repents his former Slights,
And Fortune thus your Faith requites.
Both. Forget Aminta's proud Disdain ;
Then taste, and sigh no more in vain,
The Joy of Love without the Pain,
The Joy of Love without the Pain.
[Exeunt all Dancers. Looks on himself, and feels
about him.
Gay. What the Devil can all this mean ? If there be
a Woman in the Case sure I have not liv'd so bad a
Life, to gain the dull Reputation of so modest a Coxcomb,
but that a Female might down with me, without all this
Ceremony. Is it care of her Honour? that cannot be
this Age affords none so nice : Nor Fiend nor Goddess can
she be, for these I saw were Mortal. No 'tis a Woman
I am positive. Not young nor handsom, for then Vanity
had made her glory to have been seen. No since 'tis
resolved, a Woman she must be old and ugly, and will
234 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT in
not balk my Fancy with her sight, but baits me more with
this essential Beauty.
Well be she young or old, Woman or Devi/,
She pays, and I 1 II endeavour to be civil. \_Exit.
SCENE V. In the same House. The flat Scene of the Hall.
After a Knocking, enter Bredwel in his masking Habit, with
his Wizard in the one Hand, and a Light in t'other, in haste.
Bred. Hah, knocking so late at our Gate
[Opens the door.
Enter Sir Feeble drest, and arni'd Cap-a-pee, with a broad
Waste-Belt stuck round with Pistols, a Helmet, Scarf,
Buff-coat and half Pike.
Sir Feeb. How now, how now, what's the matter here ?
Bred. Matter, what, is my Lady's innocent Intrigue
found out? Heavens, Sir, what makes you here in this
warlike Equipage?
Sir Feeb. What makes you in this showing Equipage, Sir?
Bred. I have been dancing among some of my Friends.
Sir Feeb. And I thought to have been fighting with
some of my Friends. Where's Sir Cautious, where's Sir
Cautious ?
Bred. Sir Cautious Sir, in Bed.
Sir Feeb. Call him, call him quickly, good Edward.
Bred. Sure my Lady's Frolick is betray'd, and he
comes to make Mischief. However, I'll go and secure
Mr. Gayman. [Exit Bredwel.
Enter Sir Cautious and Dick his Boy with Light.
Dick. Pray, Sir, go to Bed, here's no Thieves; all's
still and well.
Sir Cau. This last Night's misfortune of mine, Dick,
has kept me waking, and methought all night, I heard a
kind of a silent Noise. I am still afraid of Thieves ; mercy
upon me, to lose five hundred Guineas at one clap, Dick.
sc. v] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 235
Hah bless me ! what's yonder ? Blow the great Horn,
Dick Thieves Murder, Murder !
Sir Feeb. Why, what a Pox, are you mad ? 'Tis I, 'tis
I, man.
Sir Cau. I, who am I ? Speak declare pronounce.
Sir Feeb. Your Friend, old Feeble Fainwoud.
Sir Cau. How, Sir Feeble! At this late hour, and on
his Wedding-Night why, what's the matter, Sir is it
Peace or War with you ?
Sir Feeb. A Mistake, a Mistake, proceed to the business,
good Brother, for time you know is precious.
Sir Cau. Some strange Catastrophe has happened between
him and his Wife to Night, and makes him disturb me
thus [Aside.
Come, sit, good Brother, and to the business as you say
[ They sit one at one end -of the Table, the other at the
other ; Dick sets down the Light and goes out both
sit gaping and staring, and expecting when either
should speak.
Sir Feeb. As soon as you please, Sir. Lord, how wildly
he stares ! He's much disturb'd in's mind Well, Sir, let
us be brief
Sir Cau. As brief as you please, Sir Well, Brother
[Pausing still.
Sir Feeb. So, Sir.
Sir Cau. How strangely he stares and gapes some deep
concern.
Sir Feeb. Hum hum
Sir Cau. I listen to you, advance
Sir Feeb. Sir ?
Sir Cau. A very distracted Countenance pray Heaven
he be not mad, and a young Wife is able to make an old
Fellow mad, that's the Truth on't. [Aside.
Sir Feeb. Sure 'tis something of his Lady he's so loth
to bring it out I am sorry you are thus disturb'd, Sir.
Sir Cau. No disturbance to serve a Friend
236 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT in
Sir Feeb. I think I am your Friend indeed, Sir Cautious,
or I wou'd not have been here upon my Wedding-Night.
Sir Can. His Wedding-Night there lies his Grief, poor
Heart ! Perhaps she has cuckolded him already [Aside.
Well, come, Brother many such things are done
Sir Feeb. Done hum come, out with it ; Brother
what troubles you to Night ?
Sir Cau. Troubles me why, knows he I am robb'd ?
[Aside.
Sir Feeb. I may perhaps restore you to the Rest you've lost.
Sir Cau. The Rest ; why, have I lost more since ? Why,
know you then who did it? Oh, how I'd be reveng'd
upon the Rascal !
Sir Feeb. 'Tis Jealousy, the old Worm that bites
[Aside.
Who is it you suspect ?
Sir Cau. Alas, I know not whom to suspect, I wou'd I
did; but if you cou'd discover him I wou'd so swinge him
Sir Feeb. I know him what, do you take me for a
Pimp, Sir ? I know him there's your Watch again, Sir ;
I'm your Friend, but no Pimp, Sir [Rises in Rage.
Sir Cau. My Watch ; I thank you, Sir but why
Pimp, Sir ?
Sir Feeb. Oh, a very thriving Calling, Sir, and I have
a young Wife to practise with. I know your Rogues.
Sir Cau. A young Wife ! 'tis so, his Gentlewoman
has been at Hot-Cockles without her Husband, and he's
Horn-mad upon't. I suspected her being so close in with
his Nephew in a Fit with a Pox [Aside.~\ Come, come,
Sir Feeble, 'tis many an honest Man's Fortune.
Sir Feeb. I grant it, Sir but to the business, Sir, I
came for.
Sir Cau. With all my Soul
[ They sit gaping, and expecting when either should
speak. Enter Bredwel and Gayman at the door.
Bredwel sees them, and puts Gayman back again.
sc. v] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 237
Bred. Hah Sir Feeble, and Sir Cautious there what
shall I do ? For this way we must pass, and to carry him
back wou'd discover my Lady to him, betray all, and
spoil the Jest retire, Sir, your Life depends upon your
being unseen. [Go out.
Sir Feeb. Well, Sir, do you not know that I am married,
Sir? and this my Wedding Night?
Sir Cau. Very good, Sir.
Sir Feeb. And that I long to be in bed ?
Sir Cau. Very well, Sir.
Sir Feeb. Very good, Sir, and very well, Sir why then
what the Devil do I make here, Sir ? [Rises in a rage.
Sir Cau. Patience, Brother and forward.
Sir Feeb. Forward! lend me your hand, good Brother;
let's feel your Pulse ; how has this Night gone with you ?
Sir Cau. Ha, ha, ha this is the oddest Quonudrum
sure he's mad and yet now I think on't, I have not slept
to night, nor shall I ever sleep again, till I have found the
Villain that robb'd me. [FFeeps.
Sir Feeb. So, now he weeps far gone this Laughing
and Weeping is a very bad sign ! [/fsidt.~\ Come, let me
lead you to your Bed.
Sir Cau. Mad, stark mad no, now I'm up 'tis no
matter pray ease your troubled Mind I am your Friend
out with it what, was it acted ? or but designed ?
Sir Feeb. How, Sir ?
Sir Cau. Be not asham'd, I'm under the same Pre-
munire I doubt, little better than a but let that pass.
Sir Feeb. Have you any Proof?
Sir Cau. Proof of what, good Sir ?
Sir Feeb. Of what ! why, that you're a Cuckold ; Sir,
a Cuckold, if you'll ha't.
Sir Cau. Cuckold ! Sir, do ye know what ye say ?
Sir Feeb. What I say ?
Sir Cau. Ay, what you say, can you make this out ?
Sir Feeb. I make it out !
238 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT in
Sir Cau. Ay, Sir if you say it, and cannot make it
out, you're a
Sir Feeb. What am I, Sir ? What am I ?
Sir Cau. A Cuckold as well as my self, Sir ; and I'll
sue you for Scandalum Magnatum ; I shall recover swinging
Damages with a City-Jury.
Sir Feeb. I know of no such thing, Sir.
Sir Cau. No, Sir ?
Sir Feeb. No, Sir.
Sir Cau. Then what wou'd you be at, Sir ?
Sir Feeb. I be at, Sir ! what wou'd you be at, Sir ?
Sir Cau. Ha, ha, ha why this is the strangest thing
to see an old Fellow, a Magistrate of the City, the first
Night he's married, forsake his Bride and Bed, and come
arm'd Cap-a-pee, like Gargantua, to disturb another old
Fellow, and banter him with a Tale of a Tub ; and all
to be-cuckold him here in plain English, what's your
Business?
Sir Feeb. Why, what the Devil's your Business, and
you go to that ?
Sir Cau. My Business, with whom ?
Sir Feeb. With me, Sir, with me ; what a Pox do you
think I do here?
Sir Cau. 'Tis that I wou'd be glad to know, Sir.
Enter Dick.
Sir Feeb. Here, Dick, remember I've brought back your
Master's Watch ; next time he sends for me o'er Night,
I'll come to him in the Morning.
Sir Cau. Ha, ha, ha, I send for you ! Go home and
sleep, Sir Ad, and ye keep your Wife waking to so little
purpose, you'll go near to be haunted with a Vision of
Horns. [Exit Dick.
Sir Feeb. Roguery, Knavery, to keep me from my
Wife Look ye, this was the Message I receiv'd.
[ Tells him seemingly.
sc. v] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 239
Enter Bredwel to the Door in a white Sheet like a Ghost ,
speaking to Gayman who stands within.
Bred. Now, Sir, we are two to two, for this way you
must pass or be taken in the Lady's Lodgings I'll first
adventure out to make you pass the safer, and that he
may not, if possible, see Sir Cautious, whom I shall fright
into a Trance, I am sure.
And Sir Feeble, the Devil's in't if he know him. [Aside.
Gay. A brave kind Fellow this.
Enter Bredwel stalking on as a Ghost by them.
Sir Can. Oh undone, undone ; help, help ; I'm
dead, I'm dead. \_Falh down on his Face ; Sir Feeble
stares, and stands still.
Bred. As I could wish. [Aside, turns.
Come on, thou ghastly thing, and follow me.
Enter Gayman like a Ghost, with a Torch.
Sir Cau. Oh Lord, oh Lord !
Gay. Hah ! old Sir Feeble Fainwou'd why, where
the Devil am I ? 'Tis he : and be it where it will, I'll
fright the old Dotard for cozening my Friend of his Mis
tress. [Stalks on.
Sir Feeb. Oh, guard me, guard me all ye Pow'rs !
[ Trembling.
Gay. Thou call'st in vain, fond Wretch for I am
Bellmour,
Whom first thou robb'st of Fame and Life,
And then what dearer was, his Wife.
[Goes out, shaking his Torch at him.
Sir Cau. Oh Lord oh Lord !
Enter L. Fulbank in an undress, and Pert undrest.
L. Ful. Heavens, what noise is this ? So he's got safe
out I see hah, what thing art thou?
[Sees Sir Feeble arm'd.
240 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT in
Sir Feeb. Stay, Madam, stay 'tis I, a poor trembling
Mortal.
L. Ful. Sir Feeble Fainwoudl rise, are you both mad?
Sir Can. No, no, Madam, we have seen the Devil.
Sir Feeb. Ay, and he was as tall as the Monument.
Sir Can. With Eyes like a Beacon and a Mouth,
Heaven bless us, like London Bridge at a full Tide.
Sir Feeb. Ay, and roar'd as loud.
L. Ful. Idle Fancies, what makes you from your Bed ?
and you, Sir, from your Bride ?
Enter Dick with Sack.
Sir Feeb. Oh ! that's the business of another day, a
mistake only, Madam.
L. Ful. Away, I'm asham'd to see wise Men so weak ;
the Fantoms of the Night, or your own Shadows, the
Whimseys of the Brain for want of Rest, or perhaps
Bredwel, your Man who being wiser than his Master,
play'd you this Trick to fright you both to Bed.
Sir Feeb. Hum adod, and that may be, for the young
Knave when he let me in to Night, was drest up for
some Waggery
Sir Cau. Ha, ha, ha, 'twas even so, sure enough,
Brother
Sir Feeb. Ads bobs, but they frighted me at first basely
but I'll home to Pupsey, there may be Roguery, as well as
here Madam, I ask your Pardon, I see we're all mistaken.
L. Ful. Ay, Sir Feeble, go home to your Wife.
[Ex. severally.
SCENE VI. The Street.
Enter Bellmour at the door, knocks, and enter to him from
the House, Phi 11 is.
Phil. Oh, are you come, Sir? I'll call my Lady down.
Bel. Oh, haste, the Minutes fly leave all behind.
And bring Leticia only to my Arms. \_A none of People.
sc. v] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 241
Hah, what noise is that? 'Tis coming this way,
I tremble with my fears hah, Death and the Devil,
'Tis he
Enter Sir Feeble and his Men arm'd, goes to the door, knocks.
Ay, 'tis he, and I'm undone what shall I do to kill
him now ? besides, the Sin wou'd put me past all Hopes
of pardoning.
Sir Feeb. A damn'd Rogue to deceive me thus.
Bel. Hah see, by Heaven Leticia, Oh, we are ruin'd !
Sir Feeb. Hum what's here, two Women ?
[Stands a little off.
Enter Leticia and Phillis softly^ undrest^ with a Box.
Let. Where are you, my best Wishes? Lord of my
Vows and Charmer of my Soul ? Where are you ?
Bel. Oh, Heavens ! , [Draws his Sword half-way.
Sir Feeb. Hum, who's here ? My Gentlewoman she's
monstrous kind of the sudden. But whom is't meant to ?
[Aside.
Let. Give me your hand, my Love, my Life, my All
Alas ! where are you ?
Sir Feeb. Hum no, no, this is not to me I am jilted,
cozen'd, cuckolded, and so forth.
[Groping^ she takes hold of Sir Feeb.
Let. Oh, are you here ? indeed you frighted me with your
Silence here, take these Jewels, and let us haste away.
Sir Feeb. Hum are you thereabouts, Mistress ? was I
sent away with a Sham-Plot for this ! She cannot mean
it to me. [Aside.
Let. Will you not speak ? will you not answer me ?
do you repent already? before Enjoyment are you
cold and false?
Sir Feeb. Hum, before Enjoyment that must be me.
Before Injoyment Ay, ay, 'tis I I see a little Prolonging
a Woman's Joy, sets an Edge upon her Appetite.
[Merrily.
ill R
242 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT in, sc. v
Let. What means my Dear? shall we not haste away?
Sir Feeb. Haste away ! there 'tis again No 'tis not
me she means : what, at your Tricks and Intrigues
already ? Yes, yes, I am destin'd a Cuckold
Let. Say, am I not your Wife ? can you deny me ?
Sir Feeb. Wife ! adod, 'tis I she means 'tis I she
means [Merrily.
Let. Oh Bellmour^ Bellmour.
[Sir Feeb. starts back from her hands.
Sir Feeb. Hum what's that Bellmour!
Let. Hah ! Sir Feeble! he would not, Sir, have us'd
me thus unkindly.
Sir Feeb. Oh I'm glad 'tis no worse Bellmour^ quoth
a ! I thought the Ghost was come again.
Phil. Why did you not speak, Sir, all this while ?-
my Lady weeps with your Unkindness.
Sir Feeb. I did but hold my peace, to hear how prettily
she prattled Love : But, fags, you are naught to think of
a young Fellow ads bobs, you are now.
Let. I only say he wou'd not have been so unkind
to me.
Sir Feeb. But what makes ye out at this Hour, and with
these Jewels?
Phil. Alas, Sir, we thought the City was in Arms,
and packt up our things to secure 'em, if there had been
a necessity for Flight. For had they come to plundering
once, they wou'd have begun with the rich Aldermen's
Wives, you know, Sir.
Sir Feeb. Ads bobs, and so they would but there was
no Arms, nor Mutiny where's Francis ?
Bel. Here, Sir.
Sir Feeb. Here, Sir why, what a story you made of a
Meeting in the Hall, and Arms, and a the Devil of
any thing was stirring, but a couple of old Fools, that sat
gaping and waiting for one another's business
Bel. Such a Message was brought me, Sir.
ACT iv, sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 243
Sir Feeb. Brought ! thou'rt an Ass, Francis but no
more come, come, let's to bed
Let. To Bed, Sir! what, by Day-light? for that's
hasting on I wou'd not for the World the Night
wou'd hide my Blushes but the Day wou'd let me see
my self in your Embraces.
Sir Feeb. Embraces, in a Fiddlestick ; why, are we not
married ?
Let. 'Tis true, Sir, and Time will make me more familiar
with you, but yet my Virgin Modesty forbids it. I'll to
Diana's Chamber, the Night will come again.
Sir Feeb. For once you shall prevail ; and this damn'd
Jant has pretty well mortified me : a Pox of your Mutiny,
Francis. Come, I'll conduct thee to Diana, and lock
thee in, that I may have thee safe, Rogue.
We II give young Wenches leave to whine and blush.
And fly those Blessings which ads bobs, they wish.
[Exeunt.
ACT IV.
SCENE I. Sir Feeble's House.
Enter Lady Fulbank, Gayman fine, gently pulling her back
by the hand ; and Ralph meets 'em.
L. Ful. How now, Ralph Let your Lady know I am
come to wait on her. [Exit Ralph.
Gay. Oh, why this needless Visit
Your Husband's safe, at least till Evening safe.
Why will you not go back,
And give me one soft hour, though to torment me ?
L. Ful. You are at leisure now, I thank you, Sir.
Last Night when I with all Love's Rhetorick pleaded,
And Heaven knows what last Night might have produced,
You were engag'd ! False Man, I do believe it,
And I am satisfied you love me not. \lValks away in scorn.
Gay. Not love you !
Why do I waste my Youth in vain pursuit,
244 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT iv
Neglecting Interest, and despising Power?
Unheeding and despising other Beauties.
Why at your feet are all my Fortunes laid,
And why does all my Fate depend on you ?
L. Ful. I'll not consider why you play the Fool,
Present me Rings and Bracelets; why pursue me;
Why watch whole Nights before my senseless Door,
And take such Pains to shew your self a Coxcomb.
Gay. Oh ! 'why all this?
By all the Powers above, by this dear Hand,
And by this Ring, which on this Hand I place,
On which I've sworn Fidelity to Love ;
I never had a Wish or soft Desire
To any other Woman,
Since Julia sway'd the Empire of my Soul.
L. Ful. Hah, my own Ring I gave him last night.fj/ftWi.
Your Jewel, Sir, is rich :
Why do you part with things of so much value,
So easily, and so frequently ?
Gay. To strengthen the weak Arguments of Love.
L. Ful. And leave your self undone ?
Gay. Impossible, if I am blest with Julia.
L. Ful. Love's a thin Diet, nor will keep out Cold.
You cannot satisfy your Dunning Taylor,
To cry I am in Love !
Though possible you may your Seamstress.
Gay. Does ought about me speak such Poverty ?
L. Ful. I am sorry that it does not, since to maintain
This Gallantry, 'tis said you use base means,
Below a Gentleman.
Gay. Who dares but to imagine it's a Rascal,
A Slave, below a beating what means my Julia ?
L. Ful. No more dissembling, I know your Land is gone
I know each Circumstance of all your Wants;
Therefore as e'er you hope that I should love you ever
Tell me where 'twas you got this Jewel, Sir.
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 245
Gay. Hah I hope 'tis no stol'n Goods; [Aside.
Why on the sudden all this nice examining?
L. Ful. You trifle with me, and I'll plead no more.
Gay. Stay why I bought it, Madam
L. Ful. Where had you Money, Sir ? You see I am
No Stranger to your Poverty.
Gay. This is strange perhaps it is a secret.
L. Ful. So is my Love, which shall be kept from you.
[ Offers to go.
Gay. Stay, Julia your Will shall be obey'd, [Sighing.
Though I had rather die than be obedient,
Because I know you'll hate me when 'tis told.
L. Ful. By all my Vows, let it be what it will,
It ne'er shall alter me from loving you.
Gay. I have of late been tempted
With Presents, Jewels, and large Sums of Gold.
L. Ful. Tempted ! by whom ?
Gay. The Devil, for ought I know.
L. Ful. Defend me, Heaven ! the Devil ?
I hope you have not made a Contract with him.
Gay. No, though in the Shape of Woman it appear'd.
L. Ful. Where met you with it ?
Gay. By Magick Art I was conducted I know not how,
To an inchanted Palace in the Clouds,
Where I was so attended
Young dancing, singing Fiends innumerable.
L. Ful. Imagination all !
Gay. But for the amorous Devil, the old Proserpine.
L. Ful. Ay, she what said she ?
Gay. Not a word : Heaven be prais'd, she was a silent
Devil but she was laid in a Pavilion, all form'd of gilded
Clouds, which hung by Geometry, whither I was con
veyed, after much Ceremony, and laid in Bed with her ;
where with much ado, and trembling with my Fears
I forc'd my Arms about her.
L. Ful. And sure that undeceiv'd him. [Aside.
246 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT iv
Gay. But such a Carcase 'twas deliver me so rivell'd,
lean and rough a Canvas Bag of wooden Ladles were a
better Bed-fellow.
L.Ful. Now though I know that nothing is more distant
than I from such a Monster yet this angers me.
Death ! cou'd you love me and submit to this ?
Gay. 'Twas that first drew me in
The tempting Hope of Means to conquer you,
Wou'd put me upon 'any dangerous Enterprize :
Were I the Lord of all the Universe,
I am so lost in Love,
For one dear Night to clasp you in my Arms,
I'd lavish all that World then die with Joy.
L. Ful. 'Slife, after all to seem deform'd, old, ugly
[ Walking in a fret.
Gay. I knew you would be angry when you heard it.
\_He pursues her in a submissive posture.
Enter Sir Cautious, Bearjest, Noisey and Bredwel.
Sir Cau. How, what's here ? my Lady with the Spark
that courted her last Night? hum with her again so
soon ? Well, this Impudence and Importunity undoes
more City- Wives than all their unmerciful Finery.
Gay. But, Madam
L. Ful. Oh, here's my Husband you'd best tell him
your Story what makes him here so soon? [Angry.
Sir Cau. Me his Story ! I hope he will not tell me he'as
a mind to cuckold me.
Gay. A Devil on him, what shall I say to him ?
L. Ful. What, so excellent at Intrigues, and so dull at
an Excuse ? . \_Aside,
Gay. Yes, Madam, I shall tell him
Enter Bellmour.
L. Ful. Is my Lady at leisure for a Visit, Sir?
Bel. Always to receive your Ladyship. [She goes out.
Sir Cau. With me, Sir, wou'd you speak ?
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 247
Gay. With you, Sir, if your name be Fulbank.
Sir Cau. Plain Fulbank! methinks you might have had
a Sirreverence under your Girdle, Sir ; I am honoured
with another Title, Sir [Goes tatting to the rest.
Gay. With many, Sir, that very well become you
[Pulls him a little aside.
I've something to deliver to your Ear.
Sir Cau. So, I'll be hang'd if he do not tell me, I'm a
Cuckold now: I see it in his Eyes. My Ear, Sir ! I'd have
you to know I scorn any man's secrets, Sir ; for ought I
know you may whisper Treason to me, Sir. Pox on him,
how handsom he is, I hate the sight of the young Stallion.
[Aside.
Gay. I wou'd not be so uncivil, Sir, before all this
Company.
Sir Cau. Uncivil ! Ay, ay^ 'tis so, he cannot be content
to cuckold, but he must tell me so too.
Gay. But since you will have it, Sir you are a Rascal
a most notorious Villain, Sir, d'ye hear
Sir Cau. Yes, yes, I do hear and am glad 'tis no
worse. [Laughing.
Gay. Griping as Hell and as insatiable worse than
a Brokering Jew, not all the Twelve Tribes harbour such
a damn'd Extortioner.
Sir Cau. Pray, under favour, Sir, who are you ?
[Pulling of his Hat.
Gay. One whom thou hast undone
Sir Cau. Hum I'mglad of that however.[y/5/W* smiling.
Gay. Racking me up to a starving Want and Misery,
Then took advantages to ruin me.
Sir Cau. So, and he'd revenge it on my Wife
[Aside smiling.
Gay. Do not you know one Wasteall, Sir?
Enter Ralph with Wine, sets it on a Table.
Sir Cau. Wasieall ha, ha, ha, if you are any Friend
248 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT iv
to that poor Fellow you may return and tell him, Sir
d'ye hear that the Mortgage of two hundred pound a
Year is this day out, and I'll not bait him an hour, Sir ha,
ha, ha, what, do you think to hector civil Magistrates ?
Gay. Very well, Sir, and is this your Conscience ?
Sir Cau. Conscience ! what do you tell me of Con
science ? Why, what a noise is here as if the undoing a
young Heir were such a Wonder ; ods so I've undone a
hundred without half this ado.
Gay. I do believe thee and am come to tell you I'll be
none of that Number for this Minute I'll go and redeem
it and free myself from the Hell of your Indentures.
Sir Cau. How, redeem it ! sure the Devil must help
him then. Stay, Sir stay Lord, Sir, what need you
put yourself to that trouble? your Land is in safe hands,
Sir ; come, come, sit down and let us take a Glass of
Wine together, Sir
Bel. Sir, my service to you. [Drinks to him.
Gay. Your Servant, Sir. Wou'd I cou'd come to speak
to Bellmour, which I dare not do in publick, lest I betray
him. I long to be resolv'd where 'twas Sir Feeble was last
night if it were he by which I might find out my
invisible Mistress.
Not. Noble Mr. Wasteall [Salutes him y so does Bearjest.
Bel. Will you please to sit, Sir?
Gay. I have a little business, Sir but anon I'll wait
on you your Servant, Gentlemen I'll to Crap the
Scrivener's. [Goes out.
Sir Cau. Do you know this Wastcall, Sir? [ To Noisey.
Noi. Know him, Sir ! ay, too well
Bea. The World's weJl amended with him, Captain,
since I lost my Money to him and you at the George in
White-Fryers.
Noi. Ay, poor Fellow he's sometimes up, and some
times down, as the Dice favour him
Bea. Faith, and that's pity ; but how came he so fine
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 249
o'th' sudden ? 'Twas but last week he borrowed eighteen
pence of me on his Waste-Belt to pay his Dinner in an
Ordinary.
Bel. Were you so cruel, Sir, to take it ?
Noi. We are not all one Man's Children ; faith, Sir,
we are here to Day, and gone to Morrow
Sir Cau. I say 'twas done like a wise Man, Sirj but
under favour, Gentlemen, this Wasteall is a Rascal
Noi. A very Rascal, Sir, and a most dangerous Fellow
he cullies in your Prentices and Cashiers to play r
which ruins so many o'th' young Fry i'th' City
Sir Cau. Hum does he so d'ye hear that, Edward?
Noi. Then he keeps a private Press, and prints your
Amsterdam and Leyden Libels.
Sir Cau. Ay, and makes 'em too, I'll warrant him ; a
dangerous Fellow
Not. Sometimes he begs for a lame Soldier with a
wooden Leg.
Bea. Sometimes as a blind Man, sells Switches in
New-Market Road.
Noi. At other times he runs the Country like a Gipsey
tells Fortunes and robs Hedges, when he's out of Linen.
Sir Cau. Tells Fortunes too ! nay, I thought he dealt
with the Devil Well, Gentlemen, you are all wide o'
this Matter for to tell you the Truth he deals with
the Devil, Gentlemen otherwise he could never have
redeem'd his Land. [Aside.
Bel. How, Sir, the Devil !
Sir Cau. I say the Devil ; Heaven bless every wise Man
from the Devil.
Bea. The Devil, sha ! there's no such Animal in
Nature ; I rather think he pads.
Noi. Oh, Sir, he has not Courage for that but he's
an admirable Fellow at your Lock.
Sir Cau. Lock ! My Study-Lock was pickt I begin
to suspect him
250 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT iv
Bea. I saw him once open a Lock with the Bone of
a Breast of Mutton, and break an Iron Bar asunder with
the Eye of a Needle.
Sir Can. Prodigious ! well, I say the Devil still.
Enter Sir Feeble.
Sir Feeb. Who's this talks of the Devil ? a Pox of the
Devil,
I say, this last night's Devil has so haunted me
Sir Cau. Why, have you seen it since, Brother ?
Sir Feeb. In Imagination, Sir.
Eel. How, Sir, a Devil ?
Sir Feeb. Ay, or a Ghost.
Eel. Where, good Sir ?
Bea. Ay, where ? I'd travel a hundred Mile to see a
Ghost
Bel. Sure, Sir, 'twas Fancy.
Sir Feeb. If 'twere a Fancy, 'twas a strong one; and
Ghosts and Fancy are all one if they can deceive. I tell
you if ever I thought in my Life I thought I saw a
Ghost Ay, and a damnable impudent Ghost too ; he said
he was a a Fellow here they call Bellmour.
Bel. How, Sir !
Bea. Well, I wou'd give the world to see the Devil,
provided he were a civil affable Devil, such an one as
WastealFs Acquaintance is
Sir Cau. He can show him too soon, it may be. I'm
sure as civil as he is, he helps him to steal my Gold, I
doubt and to be sure Gentlemen, you say he's a
Gamester I desire when he comes anon, that you wou'd
propose to sport a Dye, or so and we'll fall to play for
a Teaster, or the like and if he sets any money, I shall
go near to know my own Gold, by some remarkable
Pieces amongst it ; and if he have it, I'll hang him, and
then all his six hundred a Year will be my own, which
I have in Mortgage.
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 251
Bea. Let the Captain and I alone to top upon him
mean time, Sir, I have brought my Musick, to entertain
my Mistress with a Song.
Sir Feeb. Take your own methods, Sir they are at
leisure while we go drink their Healths within. Adod,
I long for night, we are not half in kelter, this damn'd
Ghost will not out of my Head yet.
\_Exeunt all but Bellmour.
Bel. Hah a Ghost ! what can he mean ? A Ghost,
and Bellmour' s!
Sure my good Angel, or my Genius,
In pity of my Love, and of Leticia
But see Leticia comes, but still attended
Enter Leticia, Lady Fulbank, Diana.
Remember oh, remember to be true?
[Aside to her, passing by goes out.
L. Ful. I was sick to know with what Christian
Patience you bore the Martyrdom of this Night.
Let. As those condemn'd bear the last Hour of Life.
A short Reprieve I had and by a kind Mistake,
Diana only was my Bedfellow \_lVecps.
Dia. And I wish for your Repose you ne'er had seen
my Father. \_Weeps.
Let. And so do I, I fear he has undone me
Dia. And me, in breaking of his word with Bredwel
L. Ful. So as Trincolo says, wou'd you were both
hang'd for me, for putting me in mind of my Husband.
For I have e'en no better luck than either of you
Let our two Fates warn your approaching one :
I love young Bredwel and must plead for him.
Dia. I know his Virtue justifies my Choice :
But Pride and Modesty forbids I shou'd unlov'd pursue him.
Let. Wrong not my Brother so, who dies for you
Dia. Cou'd he so easily see me given away,
Without a Sigh at parting?
252 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT iv
For all the day a Calm was in his Eyes,
And unconcern'd he look'd and talk'd to me ;
In dancing never prest my willing Hand,
Nor with a scornful Glance reproach'd my Falshood.
Let. Believe me, that Dissembling was his Master-piece.
Dia. Why should he fear, did not my Father promise
him?
Let. Ay, that was in his wooing time to me :
But now 'tis all forgotten \_Musick at the door.
After which enter Bearjest and Bredwel.
L. Ful. How now, Cousin ! Is this high piece of Gal
lantry from you ?
Bea. Ay, Madam, I have not travel'd for nothing
L. Ful. I find my Cousin is resolv'd to conquer, he
assails with all his Artillery of Charms ; we'll leave him
to his success, Madam. \_Ex. Leticia and L. Fulbank.
Bea. Oh Lord, Madam, you oblige me look, Ned, you
had a mind to have a full view of my Mistress, Sir, and
here she is. \_He stands gazing.
Go, salute her look how he stands now ; what a sneak
ing thing is a Fellow who has never travel'd and seen
the World ! Madam this is a very honest Friend of
mine, for all he looks so simply.
Dia. Come, he speaks for you, Sir.
Bea. He, Madam ! though he be but a Banker's
Prentice, Madam, he's as pretty a Fellow of his Inches
as any i'th' City he has made love in Dancing-Schools,
and to Ladies of Quality in the middle Gallery, and shall
joke ye and repartee with any Fore-man within the
Walls prithee to her and commend me, I'll give thee
a new Point Crevat.
Dia. He looks as if he cou'd not speak to me.
Bea. Not speak to you ! yes, Gad, Madam, and do any
thing to you too.
Dia. Are you his Advocate, Sir? [/ scorn.
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 253
Bea. For want of a better
[Stands behind him, pushing him on.
Bred. An Advocate for Love I am,
And bring you such a Message from a Heart
Bea. Meaning mine, dear Madam.
Bred. That when you hear it, you will pity it.
Bea. Or the Devil's in her
Dia. Sir, I have many Reasons to believe,
It is my Fortune you pursue, not Person.
Bea. There is something in that, I must confess.
[Behind him.
But say what you will, Ned.
Bred. May all the Mischiefs of despairing Love
Fall on me if it be.
Bea. That's well enough
Bred. No, were you born 'an humble Village-Maid,
That fed a Flock upon the neighbouring Plain ;
With all that shining Vertue in your Soul,
By Heaven, I wou'd adore you love you wed you
Though the gay World were lost by such a Nuptial.
[Bear, looks on him.
This I wou'd do, were I my Friend the Squire.
[Recollecting.
Bea. Ay, if you were me you might do what you
pleas'd ; but I'm of another mind.
Dia. Shou'd I consent, my Father is a Man whom
Interest sways, not Honour ; and whatsoever Promises
he'as made you, he means to break 'em all, and I am
destin'd to another.
Bea. How, another his Name, his Name, Madam
here's Ned and I fear ne'er a single Man i'th' Nation,
What is he what is he?
Dia. A Fop, a Fool, a beaten Ass a Blockhead.
Bea. What a damn'd Shame's this, that Women shou'd
be sacrificed to Fools, and Fops must run away with
Heiresses whilst we Men of Wit and Parts dress and
254 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT iv
dance, and cock and travel for nothing but to be tame
Keepers.
Dia. But I, by Heaven, will never be that Victim :
But where my Soul is vow'd, 'tis fix'd for ever.
Bred. Are you resolv'd, are you confirm'd in this?
Oh my Diana, speak it o'er again.
[Runs to her, find embraces her.
Bless me, and make me happier than a Monarch.
Bea. Hold, hold, dear Ned that's my part, I take it.
Bred. Your Pardon, Sir, I had forgot my self.
But time is short what's to be done in this?
Bea. Done ! I'll enter the House with Fire and Sword,
d'ye see, not that I care this but I'll not be fob'd off
what, do they take me for a Fool an Ass?
Bred. Madam, dare you run the risk of your Father's
Displeasure, and run away with the Man you love ?
Dia. With all my Soul
Bea. That's hearty and we'll do it Ned and I here
and I love an Amour with an Adventure in't like Amadh
de Gaul Harkye, Ned, get a Coach and six ready to night
when 'tis dark, at the back Gate
Bred. And I'll get a Parson ready in my Lodging, to
which I have a Key through the Garden, by which we
may pass unseen.
Bea. Good Mun, here's Company
Enter Gayman with his Hat and Money ;''/, Sir Cautious
in a rage, Sir Feeble, Lady Fulbank, Leticia, Captain
Noisey, Bellmour.
Sir Can. A hundred Pound lost already ! Oh Coxcomb,
old Coxcomb, and a wise Coxcomb to turn Prodigal at
my Years, why, I was bewitcht !
Sir Feeb. Shaw, 'twas a Frolick, Sir, I have lost a hundred
Pound as well as you. My Lady has lost, and your Lady
has lost, and the rest what, old Cows will kick some
times, what's a hundred Pound ?
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 255
Sir Cau. A hundred Pound ! why, 'tis a sum, Sir a
sum why, what the Devil did I do with a Box and Dice !
L. Ful. Why, you made a shift to lose, Sir ? And
where's the harm of that ? We have lost, and he has won ;
anon it may be your Fortune.
Sir Cau. Ay, but he could never do it fairly, that's
certain. Three hundred Pound ! why, how came you to
win so unmercifully, Sir?
Gay. Oh, the Devil will not lose a Gamester of me,
you see, Sir.
Sir Cau. The Devil ! mark that, Gentlemen
Bea. The Rogue has damn'd lucksure, he has got a Fly
Sir Cau. And can you have the Conscience to carry
away all our Money, Sir ?
Gay. Most assuredly, unless you have the courage to
retrieve it. I'll set it at a Throw, or any way : what say
you, Gentlemen?
Sir Feeb. Ods bobs, you young Fellows are too hard for
us every way, and I'm engag'd at an old Game with a new
Gamester here, who will require all an old Man's stock.
L. Ful. Come, Cousin, will you venture a Guinea?
Come, Mr. Bredwel.
Gay. Well, if no body dare venture on me, I'll send
away my Cash [They all go to play at the Table, but
Sir Cau. Sir Feeb. and Gay.
Sir Cau. Hum must it all go ? a rare sum, if a Man
were but sure the Devil wou'd but stand Neuter now
[Aside.~\ Sir, I wish I had any thing but ready Money to
stake : three hundred Pound a fine Sum !
Gay. You have Moveables, Sir, Goods Commodities
Sir Cau. That's all one, Sir; that's Money's worth,
Sir : but if I had any thing that were worth nothing
Gay. You wou'd venture it, I thank you, Sir, I
wou'd your Lady were worth nothing
Sir Cau. Why, so, Sir ?
Gay. Then I wou'd set all this against that Nothing.
256 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT iv
Sir Can. What, set it against my Wife ?
Gay. Wife, Sir ! ay, your Wife
SirCflw. Hum, my Wife against three hundred Pounds!
What, all my Wife, Sir?
Gay. All your Wife ! Why, Sir, some part of her wou'd
serve my turn.
Sir Can. Hum my Wife why, if I shou'd lose, he
cou'd not have the Impudence to take her. \_Aside.
Gay. Well, I find you are not for the Bargain, and so
I put up
Sir Can. Hold, Sir why so hasty my Wife ? no
put up your Money, Sir what, lose my Wife for three
hundred Pounds !
Gay. Lose her, Sir ! why, she shall be never the worse
for my wearing, Sir the old covetous Rogue is considering
on't, I think What say you to a Night ? I'll set it to a
Night there's none need know it, Sir.
Sir Cau. Hum a Night ! three hundred Pounds for
a Night ! why, what a lavish Whore-master's this ! We
take Money to marry our Wives, but very seldom part
with 'em, and by the Bargain get Money For a Night,
say you ? Gad, if I shou'd take the Rogue at his word,
't wou'd be a pure Jest. [Aside.
Sir Feeb. You are not mad, Brother.
Sir Cau. No, but I'm wise and that's as good ; let me
consider.
Sir Feeb. What, whether you shall be a Cuckold or not?
Sir Cau. Or lose three hundred Pounds consider that.
A Cuckold ! why, 'tis a word an empty sound 'tis
Breath 'tis Air 'tis nothing: but three hundred
Pounds Lord, what will not three hundred Pounds do?
You may chance to be a Cuckold for nothing, Sir
Sir Feeb. It may be so but she shall do't discretly then.
Sir Cau. Under favour, you're an Ass, Brother; this is
the discreetest way of doing it, I take it.
Sir Feeb. But wou'd a wise man expose his Wife?
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 257
Sir Can. Why, Cato was a wiser Man than I, and he
lent his Wife to a young Fellow they call'd Hortensius, as
Story says ; and can a wise Man have a better Precedent
than Cato ?
Sir Feeb. I say, Cato was an Ass, Sir, for obliging any
young Rogue of 'em all.
Sir Can. But I am of Cato's mind. Well, a single Night
you say.
Gay. A single Night to have to hold possess
and so forth, at discretion.
Sir Can. A Night I shall have her safe and sound i'th'
Morning.
Sir Feeb. Safe, no doubt on't but how sound.
Gay. And for Non-performance, you shall pay me three
hundred Pounds, I'll forfeit as much if I tell
Sir Can. Tell ? why, make your three hundred pounds
six hundred, and let it be put into the Gazet, if you will,
Man. But it's a Bargain ?
Gay. Done Sir Feeble shall be witness and there
stands my Hat.
[Puts down his Hat of Money, and each of em take a
Box and Dice, and kneel on the Stage, the rest come
about ''em.
Sir Cau. He that comes first to One and thirty wins
[ They throw and count.
L. Ful. What are you playing for ?
Sir Feeb. Nothing, nothing but a Trial of Skill between
an old Man and a Young and your Ladyship is to be
Judge.
L. Ful. I shall be partial, Sir.
Sir Cau. Six and five's Eleven
\_Throws, and pulls the Hat towards him.
Gay. Cater Tray Pox of the Dice
Sir Cau. Two fives one and twenty
[Sets up, pulls the Hat nearer.
Gay. Now, Luck Doublets of sixes nineteen.
Ill S
258 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT iv
Sir Cau. Five and four thirty
\_Draws the Hat to him.
Sir Feeb. Now if he wins it, I'll swear he has a Fly
indeed 'tis impossible without Doublets of sixes
Gay. Now Fortune smile and for the future frown.
[ Throws.
Sir Cau. Hum two sixes
[Rises and looks dolefully round.
L. Ful. How now ? what's the matter you look so like
an Ass, what have you lost ?
Sir Cau. A Bauble a Bauble 'tis not for what I've
lost but because I have not won
Sir Feeb. You look very simple, Sir what think you
of Cato now ?
Sir Cau. A wise Man may have his failings
L. Ful. What has my Husband lost ?
Sir Cau. Only a small parcel of Ware that lay dead
upon my hands, Sweet-heart.
Gay. But I shall improve 'em, Madam, I'll warrant you.
L. Ful. Well, since 'tis no worse, bring in your fine
Dancer, Cousin, you say you brought to entertain your
Mistress with. [Bearjest goes out.
Gay. Sir, you'll take care to see me paid to Night?
Sir Cau. Well, Sir but my Lady, you must know,
Sir, has the common frailties of her Sex, and will refuse
what she even longs for, if persuaded to't by me.
Gay. 'Tis not in my Bargain to sollicit her, Sir, you
are to procure her or three hundred pounds, Sir ; chuse
you whether.
Sir Cau. Procure her ! with all my soul, Sir ; alas, you
mistake my honest meaning, I scorn to be so unjust as
not to see you a-bed together ; and then agree as well as
you can, I have done my part In order to this, Sir
get but your self conveyed in a Chest to my house, with
a Direction upon't for me ; and for the rest
Gay. I understand you.
sc. i] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 259
Sir Feeb. Ralph, get supper ready.
Enter Bea. with Dancers ; all go out but Sir Cautious.
Sir Can. Well, I must break my Mind, if possible, to
my Lady but if she shou'd be refractory now and make
me pay Three hundred Pounds why, sure she won't
have so little Grace Three hundred Pounds sav'd, is
three hundred pounds got by our account Cou'd All
Who of this City-Privilege are free,
Hope to be paid for Cuckoldom like me;
77;' unthriving Merchant, whom gray Hair adorns,
Before all Ventures woud ensure his Horns ;
For thus, while he but lets spare Rooms to hire,
His Wife's cracked Credit keeps his own entire, [Exit.
ACT V.
SCENE I. Sir Cautious his House.
Enter Bellmour alone, sad.
Bel. The Night is come, oh my Leticia!
The longing Bridegroom hastens to his Bed ;
Whilst she with all the languishment of Love,
And sad Despair, casts her fair Eyes on me,
Which silently implore, I would deliver her.
But how ! ay, there's the Question hah- [Pausing.
I'll get my self hid in her Bed-chamber
And something I will do may serve us yet
If all my Arts should fail I'll have recourse
[Draws a dagger.
To this and bear Leticia off by force.
But see she comes
Enter Lady Fulbank, Sir Cautious, Sir Feeble, Leticia,
Bearjest, Noisey, Gayman. Exit Bellmour.
Sir Feeb. Lights there, Ralph.
And my Lady's Coach there [Bearjest goes to Gayman.
260 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT v
Bea. Well, Sir, remember you have promised to grant
me my diabolical Request, in shewing me the Devil
Gay. I will not fail you, Sir.
L. Ful. Madam, your Servant ; I hope you'll see no
more Ghosts, Sir Feeble.
Sir Feeb. No more of that, I beseech you, Madam :
Prithee, Sir Cautious, take away your Wife Madam,
your Servant [All go out after the Light.
Come, Lette, Lette; hasten, Rogue, hasten to thy
Chamber ; away, here be the young Wenches coming
[Puts her out, he goes out.
Enter Diana, puts on her Hood and Scarf.
Dia. So they are gone to Bed ; and now for Bredwei
the Coach waits, and I'll take this opportunity.
Father, farewell if you dislike my course,
Blame the old rigid Customs of your Force. [Goes out.
SCENE II. A Bed-chamber.
Enter Sir Feeble, Leticia, and Phillis.
Let. Ah, Phi/Us! I am fainting with my Fears,
Hast thou no comfort for me? [He undresses to his Gown.
Sir Feeb. Why, what art doing there fiddle fadling
adod, you young Wenches are so loth to come to but
when your hands in, you have no mercy upon us poor
Husbands.
Let. Why do you talk so, Sir ?
Sir Feeb. Was it anger'd at the Fool's Prattle ? turn
a-me, turn a-me, I'll undress it, effags, I will Roguy.
Let. You are so wanton, Sir, you make me blush
I will not go to bed, unless you'll promise me
Sir Feeb. No bargaining, my little Hussey what, you'll
tie my hands behind me, will you ? [She goes to the Table.
Let. What shall I do ? assist me, gentle Maid,
Thy Eyes methinks put on a little hope.
sc. n] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 261
Phil. Take Courage, Madam you guess right be
confident.
Sir Feeb. No whispering, Gentlewoman and putting
Tricks into her head ; that shall not cheat me of another
Night Look on that silly little round Chitty-face
look on those smiling roguish loving Eyes there look
look how they laugh, twire, and tempt he, Rogue I'll
buss 'em there, and here, and every where ods bods
away, this is fooling and spoiling of a Man's Stomach, with
a bit here, and a bit there to Bed to Bed
\_As she is at the Toilet, he looks over her shoulder , and
sees her Face in the Glass.
Let. Go you first, Sir, I will but stay to say my Prayers,
which are that Heaven wou'd deliver me. \_Audt.
Sir Feeb. Say thy Prayers ! What, art thou mad !
Prayers upon thy Wedding-night ! a short Thanksgiving
or so but Prayers quoth a 'Sbobs, you'll have time
enough for that, I doubt
Le. I am asham'd to undress before you, Sir; go to Bed
Sir Feeb. What, was it asham'd to shew its little white
Foots, and its little round Bubbies well, I'll go, I'll go
I cannot think on't, no I cannot
[Going towards the Bed, Bellmour comes forth from
between the Curtains, his Coat off, his Shirt bloody, a
Dagger in his hand, and his Disguise off.
Eel. Stand
Sir Feeb. Ah
Let. and Phil, [squeak] Oh, Heavens ! why, is it
Bellmour? [Aside to Phil.
Bel. Go not to Bed, I guard this sacred Place,
And the Adulterer dies that enters here.
Sir Feeb. Oh why do I shake? sure I'm a Man,
what art thou ?
Bel. I am the wrong'd, the lost and murder'd Bellmour.
Sir Feeb. O Lord ! it is the same I saw last night Oh !
hold thy dread Vengeance pity me, and hear me
262 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT v
Oh ! a Parson a Parson what shall I do Oh ! where
shall I hide my self?
Bel. I'th' utmost Borders of the Earth I'll find thee
Seas shall not hide thee, nor vast Mountains guard thee:
Even in the depth of Hell I'll find thee out,
And lash thy filthy and adulterous Soul.
Sir Feeb. Oh ! I am dead, I'm dead ; will no Repentence
save me ? 'twas that young Eye that tempted me to sin ;
Oh!
Bel. See, fair Seducer, what thou'st made me do ;
Look on this bleeding Wound, it reach'd my Heart,
To pluck my dear tormenting Image thence,
When News arriv'd that thou hadst broke thy Vow.
Sir Feeb. Oh Lord ! oh ! I'm glad he's dead though.
Let. Oh, hide that fatal Wound, my tender Heart
faints with a Sight so horrid ! [Seems to Weep.
Sir Feeb. So, she'll clear her self, and leave me in the
Devil's Clutches.
Bel. You've both offended Heaven, and must repent or die.
Sir Feeb. Ah, I do confess I was an old Fool, bewitcht
with Beauty, besotted with Love, and do repent most
heartily.
Bel. No, you had rather yet go on in Sin :
Thou wou'dst live on, and be a baffled Cuckold.
Sir Feeb. Oh, not for the World, Sir ! I am convinc'd
and mortifi'd.
Bel. Maintain her fine, undo thy Peace to please her,
and still be Cuckol'd on, believe her, trust her, and be
Cuckol'd still.
Sir Feeb. I see my Folly and my Age's Dotage and
find the Devil was in me yet spare my Age ah ! spare
me to repent.
Bel. If thou repent'st, renounce her, fly her sight ;
Shun her bewitching Charms, as thou wou'dst Hell,
Those dark eternal Mansions of the dead
Whither I must descend.
sc. in] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 263
Sir Feeb. Oh wou'd he were gone !
Eel. Fly be gone depart, vanish for ever from her
to some more safe and innocent Apartment.
Sir Feeb. Oh, that's very hard !
\_He goes back trembling, Bellmoury0//<m;$ in with his
Dagger up ; both go out.
Let. Blest be this kind Release, and yet methinks it
grieves me to consider how the poor old Man is frighted.
[Bellmour re-enters, puts on his Coat.
Bel. He'sgone,and lock'd himself into hisChamber
And now, my dear Leticia, let us fly
Despair till now did my wild Heart invade.
But pitying Love has the rough Storm allayed.
[Exeunt.
SCENE III. Sir Cautious his Garden.
Enter two Porters and Rag, bearing Gayman in a Chest ;
set it down, he comes forth with a Dark-lanthorn.
Gay. Set down the Chest behind yon hedge of Roses
and then put on those Shapes I have appointed you
and be sure you well-favour'dly bang both Bearjest and
Notsey, since they have a mind to see the Devil.
Rag. Oh, Sir, leave 'em to us for that ; and if we do
not play the Devil with 'em, we deserve they shou'd beat
us. But, Sir, we are in Sir Cautious his Garden, will he not
sue us for a Trespass?
Gay. I'll bear you out ; be ready at my Call. [Exeunt.
Let me see I have got no ready stuff to banter with
but no matter, any Gibberish will serve the Fools
'tis now about the hour of Ten but Twelve is my
appointed lucky Minute, when all the Blessings that my
Soul could wish, shall be resign'd to me.
Enter Bredwel.
Hah ! who's there ? Bredwel?
264 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT v
Bred. Oh, are you come, Sir and can you be so kind
to a poor Youth, to favour his Designs, and bless his Days ?
Gay. Yes, I am ready here with all my Devils, both
to secure you your Mistress, and to cudgel your Captain
and Squire, for abusing me behind my Back so basely.
Bred. 'Twas most unmanly, Sir, and they deserve it
I wonder that they come not.
Gay. How durst you trust her with him ?
Bred. Because 'tis dangerous to steal a City-Heiress,
and let the Theft be his so the dear Maid be mine
Hark sure they come
Enter Bearjest, rum against Bredwel.
Who's there? Mr. Bearjest?
Bea. Who's that? Ned? Well, I have brought my
Mistress, hast thou got a Parson ready, and a License r
Bred. Ay, ay, but where's the Lady ?
Bea. In the Coach, with the Captain at the Gate. I
came before, to see if the Coast be clear.
Bred. Ay, Sir ; but what shall we do? here's Mr. Cayman
come on purpose to shew you the Devil, as you desir'd.
Bea. Sho ! a Pox of the Devil, Man I can't attend
to speak with him now.
Gay. How, Sir ! D'ye think my Devil of so little
Quality, to suffer an Affront unrevenged ?
Bea. Sir, I cry his Devilship's Pardon : I did not know
his Quality. I protest, Sir, I love and honour him, but
I am now just going to be married, Sir ; and when that
Ceremony's past, I'm ready to go to the Devil as soon as
you please.
Gay. I have told him your Desire of seeing him, and
shou'd you baffle him?
Bea. Who, I, Sir ! Pray, let his Worship know, I shall
be proud of the Honour of his Acquaintance ; but, Sir,
my Mistress and the Parson wait in Ned's Chamber.
Gay. If all the World wait, Sir, the Prince of Hell
will stay for no Man.
sc. m] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 265
Bred. Oh, Sir, rather than the Prince of the Infernals
shall be affronted, I'll conduct the Lady up, and entertain
her till you come, Sir.
Bea. Nay, I have a great mind to kiss his Paw, Sir j
but I cou'd wish you'd shew him me by day-light, Sir.
Gay. The Prince of Darkness does abhor the Light.
But, Sir, I will for once allow your Friend the Captain
to keep you company.
Enter Noisey and Diana.
Bea. I'm much oblig'd to you, Sir ; oh, Captain
[Talks to him.
Bred. Haste, Dear ; the Parson waits,
To finish what the Powers design'd above.
Dia. Sure nothing is so bold as Maids in Love !
[ They go out.
Noi. Psho ! he conjure fre can flie as soon.
Gay. Gentlemen, you must be sure to confine your
selves to this Circle, and have a care you neither swear,
nor pray.
Bea. Pray, Sir ! I dare say neither of us were ever that
way gifted.
A horrid Noise.
Gay. Cease your Horror, cease your Haste.
And calmly as I saw you last,
Appear! Appear!
By thy Pearls and Diamond Rocks,
By thy heavy Money-Box,
By thy shining Petticoat,
That hid thy cloven Feet from Note ;
By the Veil that hid thy Face,
Which else had frighten d humane Race : [Soft
Appear, that I thy Love may see, Musick
Appear, kind Fiends, appear to me. ceases.
A Pox of these Rascals, why come they not?
a66 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT v
Four enter from the four corners of the Stage, to Mustek that
plays ; they dance, and in the Dance, dance round
'em, and kick, pinch, and beat ''em.
Bea. Oh, enough, enough ! Good Sir, lay 'em, and
I'll pay the Musick
Gay. I wonder at it these Spirits are in their Nature
kind, and peaceable but you have basely injur'd some
body confess, and they will be satisfied
Bea. Oh, good Sir, take your Cerberusesoff- I do confess,
the Captain here, and I have violated your Fame.
Noi. Abus'd you, and traduc'd you, and thus we
beg your pardon
Gay. Abus'd me ! 'Tis more than I know, Gentlemen.
Bea. But it seems your Friend the Devil does.
Gay. By this time Bredwel's married.
Great Pantamogan, hold, for I am satisfied, [Ex. Devils.
And thus undo my Charm
\Takes away the Circle, they run out.
So, the Fools are going, and now to Julia's Arms. [Going.
SCENE IV. Lady Fulbank's Anti-chamber.
She discovered undrest at her Glass ; Sir Cautious undrest.
L. Ful. But why to Night? indeed you're wondrous
kind methinks.
Sir Cau. Why, I don't know a Wedding is a sort of
an Alarm to Love ; it calls up every Man's courage.
L. Ful. Ay, but will it come when 'tis call'd ?
Sir Cau. I doubt you'll find it to my Grief [dside.
But I think 'tis all one to thee, thou car'st not for my
Complement ; no, thou'dst rather have a young Fellow.
L. Ful. I am not us'd to flatter much ; if forty Years
were taken from your Age, 'twou'd render you something
more agreeable to my Bed, I must confess.
Sir Cau. Ay, ay, no doubt on't.
sc. iv] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 267
L. Ful. Yet you may take my word without an Oath,
Were you as old as Time, and I were young and gay
As April Flowers, which all are fond to gather ;
My Beauties all should wither in the Shade,
E'er I'd be worn in a dishonest Bosom.
Sir Can. Ay, but you're wondrous free methinks, some
times, which gives shreud suspicions.
L. Ful. What, because I cannot simper, look demure,
and justify my Honour, when none questions it ?
Cry fie, and out upon the naughty Women,
Because they please themselves and so wou'd I.
Sir Can. How, wou'd, what cuckold me ?
L. Ful. Yes, if it pleas'd me better than Vertue, Sir.
But I'll not change my Freedom and my Humour,
To purchase the dull Fame of being honest.
Sir Cau. Ay, but the World, the World
L. Ful. I value not the Censures of the Croud.
Sir Cau. But I am old.
L. Ful. That's your fault, Sir, not mine.
Sir Cau. But being so, if I shou'd be good-natur'd, and
give thee leave to love discreetly
L. Ful. I'd do't without your leave, Sir.
Sir Cau. Do't what, cuckold me ?
L. Ful. No, love discreetly, Sir, love as I ought, love
honestly.
Sir Cau. What, in love with any body, but your own
Husband ?
L. Ful. Yes.
Sir Cau. Yes, quoth a is that your loving as you ought?
L. Ful. We cannot help our Inclinations, Sir,
No more than Time, or Light from coming on
But I can keep my Virtue, Sir, intire.
Sir Cau. What, I'll warrant, this is your first Love,
Gayman ?
L. Ful. I'll not deny that Truth, though even to you.
Sir Cau. Why, in consideration of my Age, and your
268 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT v
Youth, I'd bear a Conscience provided you do things
wisely.
L. Ful. Do what thing, Sir?
Sir Can. You know what I mean
L. Ful. Hah I hope you wou'd not be a Cuckold, Sir.
Sir Can. Why truly in a civil way or so.
L. Ful. There is but one way, Sir, to make me hate you;
And that wou'd be tame suffering.
Sir Cau. Nay, and she be thereabouts, there's no dis
covering.
L. Ful. But leave this fond discourse, and, if you must,
Let us to Bed.
Sir Cau. Ay, ay, I did but try your Virtue, mun dost
think I was in earnest ?
Enter Servant.
Serv. Sir, here's a Chest directed to your Worship.
Sir Cau. Hum, 'tis Wasteall now does my heart fail
me A Chest say you to me so late ; I'll warrant it
comes from Sir Nicholas Smuggle some prohibited Goods
that he has stoln the Custom of, and cheated his Majesty
Well, he's an honest Man, bring it in [Exit Servant.
L. Ful. What, into my Apartment, Sir, a nasty Chest !
Sir Cau. By all means for if the Searchers come, they'll
never be so uncivil to ransack thy Lodgings; and we are
bound in Christian Charity to do for one another Some
rich Commodities, I am sure and some fine Knick-knack
will fall to thy share, I'll warrant thee Pox on him for
a young Rogue, how punctual he is ! \ Aside.
Enter with the Chest.
Go, my Dear, go to Bed I'll send Sir Nicholas a Receit
for the Chest, and be with thee presently \_Ex. severally.
[Gay man peeps out of the Chest , and looks round him
wondring.
Gay. Hah, where am I ? By Heaven, my last Night's
Vision 'Tis that inchanted Room, and yonder's the
sc. iv] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 269
Alcove ! Sure 'twas indeed some Witch, who knowing of
my Infidelity has by Inchantment brought me hither
'tis so I am betray 'd [Pauses.
Hah ! or was it Julia , that last night gave me that lone
Opportunity? but hark, I hear some coming
[Shuts himself in.
Enter Sir Cautious.
Sir Cau. [Lifting up the Chest-lid.~\ So, you are come,
I see [Goes, and locks the door.
Gay. Hah he here ! nay then, I was deceiv'd, and it
was Julia that last night gave me the dear Assignation.
[Aside.
[Sir Cautious peeps into the Bed-chamber.
L. Ful. \WithinI\ Come, Sir Cautious, I shall fall asleep,
and then you'll waken me.
Sir Cau. Ay, my Dear, I'm coming she's in Bed
I'll go put out the Candle, and then
Gay. Ay, I'll warrant you for my part
Sir Cau. Ay, but you may over-act your part, and spoil
all But, Sir, I hope you'll use a Christian Conscience in
this business.
Gay. Oh, doubt not, Sir, but I shall do you Reason.
Sir Cau. Ay, Sir, but
Gay. Good Sir, no more Cautions ; you, unlike a fair
Gamester, will rook me out of half my Night I am
impatient
Sir Cau. Good Lord, are you so hasty ? if Iplease, you
shan't go at all.
Gay. With all my soul, Sir; pay me three hundred
Pound, Sir
Sir Cau. Lord, Sir, you mistake my candid meaning still.
I am content to be a Cuckold, Sir but I wou'd have
things done decently, d'ye mind me ?
Gay. As decently as a Cuckold can be made, Sir.
But no more disputes, I pray, Sir.
270 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT v
Sir Cau. I'm gone I'm gone but harkye, Sir, you'll
rise before day ? [ Going out, returns.
Gay. Yet again
Sir Cau. I vanish, Sir but harkye you'll not speak a
word, but let her think 'tis I ?
Gay. Be gone, I say, Sir \_He runs out.
I am convinc'd last night I was with Julia.
Oh Sot, insensible and dull !
Enter softly Sir Cautious.
Sir Cau. So, the Candle's out give me your hand.
[Leads him softly in.
SCENE V. Changes to a Bed-chamber.
Lady Fulbank supposed in Bed. Enter Sir Cautious and
Gayman by dark.
Sir Cau. Where are you, my Dear ? [Leads him to the bed.
L. Ful. Where shou'd I be in Bed ; what, are you
by dark?
Sir Cau. Ay, the Candle went out by Chance.
[Gayman signs to him to be gone ; he makes grimaces
as loath to go y and Exit.
SCENE VI. Draws over, and represents another Room
in the same House.
Enter Parson, Diana, and Pert drest in Diana's Clothes.
Dia. I'll swear, Mrs. Pert, you look very prettily in my
Clothes ; and since you, Sir, have convinc'd me that this
innocent Deceit is not unlawful, I am glad to be the In
strument of advancing Mrs. Pert to a Husband, she already
has so just a Claim to.
Par. Since she has so firm a Contract, I pronounce it
a lawful Marriage but hark, they are coming sure
Dia. Pull your Hoods down, and keep your Face from
the Light. [Diana runs out.
sc. vn] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 271
Enter Bearjest and Noisey disordered.
Bea. Madam, I beg your Pardon I met with a most
devilish Adventure ; your Pardon too, Mr. Doctor, for
making you wait. But the business is this, Sir I have
a great mind to lie with this young Gentlewoman to Night,
but she swears if I do, the Parson of the Parish shall know it.
Par. If I do, Sir, I shall keep Counsel.
Bea. And that's civil, Sir Come, lead the way.
With such a Guide, the Devil's /''/ if we can go astray.
[Exeunt.
SCENE VII. Changes to the Anti-chamber.
Enter Sir Cautious.
Sir Can. Now cannot I sleep, but am as restless as a
Merchant in stormy Weather, that has ventur'd all his
Wealth in one Bottom. Woman is a leaky Vessel. if she
should like the young Rogue now, and they should come
to a right understanding why, then I am a Wittal
that's all, and shall be put in Print at Snow-hill, with my
Effigies o'th' top, like the sign of Cuckolds Haven. Hum
they're damnable silent pray Heaven he have not mur
dered her, and robbed her hum hark, what's that?
a noise ! he has broke his Covenant with me, and shall
forfeit the Money How loud they are ? Ay, ay, the Plot's
discovered, what shall I do ? Why, the Devil is not in her
sure, to be refractory now, and peevish ; if she be, I must
pay my Money yet and that would be a damn'd thing.
sure they're coming out I'll retire and hearken how
'tis with them. [Retires.
Enter Lady Fulbank undrest, Gayman, halfundrest upon
his Knees, following her, holding her Gown.
L. Ful. Oh ! You unkind what have you made me do?
Unhand me, false Deceiver let me loose
Sir Cau. Made her do? so, so 'tis done I'm glad
of that [ Aside peeping.
272 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT v
Gay. Can you be angry, Julia ?
Because I only seiz'd my Right of Love.
L. Ful. And must my Honour be the Price of it ?
Could nothing but my Fame reward your Passion ?
What, make me a base Prostitute, a foul Adulteress?
Oh be gone, be gone dear Robber of my Quiet.
[ Weeping.
Sir Can. Oh, fearful !
Gay. Oh ! Calm your rage, and hear me ; if you are so,
You are an innocent Adulteress.
It was the feeble Husband you enjoy'd
In cold imagination, and no more ;
Shily you turn'd away faintly resign'd.
Sir Can. Hum, did she so ?
Gay. Till my Excess of Love betray'd the Cheat.
Sir Can. Ay, ay, that was my Fear.
L. Ful. Away, be gone I'll never see you more
Gay. You may as well forbid the Sun to shine.
Not see you more ! Heavens ! I before ador'd you,
But now I rave ! And with my impatient Love,
A thousand mad and wild Desires are burning !
I have discover'd now new Worlds of Charms,
And can no longer tamely love and suffer.
Sir Can. So I have brought an old House upon my Head,
Intail'd Cuckoldom upon my self.
L. Ful. I'll hear no more Sir Cautious^ where's my
Husband ?
Why have you left my Honour thus unguarded ?
Sir Can. Ay, ay, she's well enough pleas'd, I fear,
for all.
Gay. Base as he is, 'twas he expos'd this Treasure ;
Like silly Indians barter'd thee for Trifles.
Sir Cau. O treacherous Villain !
L. Ful. Hah my Husband do this ?
Gay. He, by Love, he was the kind Procurer,
Contriv'd the means, and brought me to thy Bed.
sc. vii] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 273
L. Ful. My Husband ! My wise Husband !
What fondness in my Conduct had he seen,
To take so shameful and so base Revenge?
Gay. None 'twas filthy Avarice seduc'd him to't.
L. Ful. If he cou'd be so barbarous to expose me,
Cou'd you who lov'd me be so cruel too ?
Gay. What to possess thee when the Bliss was offer'd?
Possess thee too without a Crime to thee ?
Charge not my Soul with so remiss a flame,
So dull a sense of Virtue to refuse it.
L. Ful. I am convinc'd the fault was all my Husband's
And here I vow by all things just and sacred,
To separate for ever from his Bed. [Kneels.
Sir Cau. Oh, I am not able to indure it
Hold oh, hold, my Dear [He kneels as she rises.
L. Ful. Stand off I do abhor thee \\
Sir Can. With all my Soul but do not make rash Vows.
They break my very Heart regard my Reputation.
L. Ful. Which you have had such care of, Sir, already
Rise, 'tis in vain you kneel.
Sir Cau. No I'll never rise again Alas! Madam, I
was merely drawn in ; I only thought to sport a Dye or
so : I had only an innocent design to have discover'd
whether this Gentleman had stoln my Gold, that so I
might have hang'd him
Gay. A very innocent Design indeed !
Sir Cau. Ay, Sir, that's all, as I'm an honest man.
L. Ful. I've sworn, nor are the Stars more fix'd than I.
Enter Servant.
Serv. How ! my Lady and his Worship up ?
Madam, a Gentleman and a Lady below in a Coach
knockt me up, and say they must speak with your Ladyship.
L. Ful. This is strange ! bring them up
[Exit Servant.
Who can it be, at this odd time of neither Night nor Day ?
Ill T
274 THE LUCKY CHANCE; OR, [ACT v
Enter Leticia, Bellmour, and Phillis.
Let. Madam, your Virtue, Charity and Friendship to
me, has made me trespass on you for my Life's security,
and beg you will protect me, and my Husband
[Points at Bellmour.
Sir Can. So, here's another sad Catastrophe !
L. Ful. Hah does Bellmour live ? is't possible ?
Believe me, Sir, you ever had my Wishes;
And shall not fail of my Protection now.
Bel. I humbly thank your Ladyship.
Gay. I'm glad thou hast her, Harry ; but doubt thou
durst not own her ; nay dar'st not own thy self.
Be!. Yes, Friend, I have my Pardon
But hark, I think we are pursu'd already
But now I fear no force. [A noise of some body coming in.
L. Ful. However, step into my Bed-chamber.
[Exeunt Leticia, Gayman and Phillis.
Enter Sir Feeble in an Antick manner.
Sir Feeb. Hell shall not hold thee^nor vast Mountains
cover thee, but I will find thee out and lash thy filthy
and Adulterous Carcase.
[Coming up in a menacing manner to Sir Cau.
Sir Cow. How lash my filthy Carcase? I defy thee,
Satan
Sir Feeb. 'Twas thus he said.
Sir Cau. Let who's will say it, he lies in's Throat.
Sir Feeb. How, the Ghostly hush have a care for
'twas the Ghost of Bellmour Oh ! hide that bleeding
Wound, it chills my Soul ! [Runs to the Lady Fulbank.
L. Ful. What bleeding Wound? Heavens, are you
frantick, Sir?
Sir Feeb. No but for want of rest, I shall e'er Morning.
[ Weeps.
She's gone she's gone she's gone [He weeps.
Sir Cau. Ay, ay, she's gone, she's gone indeed.
[Sir Cau. weeps.
sc. vn] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 275
Sir Feeb. But let her go, so I may never see that dreadful
Vision harkye, Sir a word in your Ear have a care
of marrying a young Wife.
Sir Can. Ay, but I have married one already. \ JVceping.
Sir Feeb. Hast thou ? Divorce her flie her, quick
depart be gone, she'll cuckold thee and still she'll
cuckold thee.
Sir Can. Ay, Brother, but whose fault was that ?
Why, are not you married ?
Sir Feeb. Mum no words on't, unless you'll have the
Ghost about your Ears ; part with your Wife, I say, or
else the Devil will part ye.
L. FuL Pray go to Bed, Sir.
Sir Feeb. Yes, for I shall sleep now, I shall lie alone ;
\Weeps.
Ah, Fool, old dull besotted Fool to think she'd love
me 'twas by base means I gain'd her cozen'd an
honest Gentleman of Fame and Life
L. FuL You did so, Sir, but 'tis not past Redress you
may make that honest Gentleman amends.
Sir Feeb. Oh, wou'd I could, so I gave half my Estate
L. FuL That Penitence atones with him and Heaven.
Come forth, Leticia, and your injur'd Ghost.
Enter Leticia, Bellmour, and Phillis.
Sir Feeb. Hah, Ghost another Sight would make me
mad indeed.
Bel. Behold me, Sir, I have no Terror now.
Sir Feeb. Hah who's that, Francis! my Nephew
Francis ?
Bel. Bellmour, or Francis, chuse you which you like,
and I am either.
Sir Feeb. Hah, Bellmour ! and no Ghost ?
Bel. Bellmour and not your Nephew, Sir.
Sir Feeb. But art alive ? Ods bobs, I'm glad on't, Sirrah ;
But are you real, Bellmour?
276 THE LUCKY CHANCE ; OR, [ACT v
Bel. As sure as I'm no Ghost.
Gay. We all can witness for him, Sir.
Sir Feeb. Where be the Minstrels, we'll have a Dance
adod, we will Ah art thou there, thou cozening little
Chits-face? a Vengeance on thee thou inadest me an old
dotingloving Coxcomb but I forgivethee and givethee
all thy Jewels, and you your Pardon, Sir, so you'll give me
mine ; for I find you young Knaves will be too hard for us.
Bel. You are so generous, Sir, that 'tis almost with
grief I receive the Blessing of Leticia.
Sir Feeb. No, no, thou deservest her ; she would have
made an old fond Blockhead of me, and one way or other
you wou'd have had her ods bobs, you wou'd
Enter Bearjest, Diana, Pert, Bredwel, and Noisey.
Bea. Justice, Sir, Justice I have been cheated abused
assassinated and ravisht !
Sir Can. How, my Nephew ravisht !
Pert. No, Sir, I am his Wife.
SirC^M. Hum my Heir marry a Chamber-maid !
Bea. Sir, you must know I stole away Mrs. 7)y, and
brought her to Ned's Chamber here to marry her.
Sir Feeb. My Daughter Dy stoln
Bea. But I being to go to the Devil a little, Sir, whip
what does he, but marries her himself, Sir ; and fob'd
me off here with my Lady's cast Petticoat
Noi. Sir, she's a Gentlewoman, and my Sister, Sir.
Pert. Madam, 'twas a pious Fraud, if it were one ; for
I was contracted to him before see, here it is
\_Gives it 'em.
All. A plain Case, a plain Case.
Sir Feeb. Harkye, Sir, have you had the Impudence to
marry my Daughter, Sir?
\_To Bredwel, who with Diana kneels.
Bred. Yes, Sir, and humbly ask your Pardon, and
your Blessing
sc. vn] AN ALDERMAN'S BARGAIN 277
Sir Feeb. You will ha't, whether I will or not rise,
you are still too hard for us : Come, Sir, forgive your
Nephew
Sir Cau. Well, Sir, I will but all this while you little
think the Tribulation I am in, my Lady has forsworn
my Bed.
Sir Feeb. Indeed, Sir, the wiser she.
Sir Cau. For only performing my Promise to this
Gentleman.
Sir Feeb. Ay, you showed her the Difference, Sir ;
you're a wise man. Come, dry your Eyes and rest your
self contented, we are a couple of old Coxcombs; d'ye
hear, Sir, Coxcombs.
Sir Cau. I grant it, Sir ; and if I die, Sir, I bequeath
my Lady to you with my whole Estate my Nephew
has too much already for a Fool. [To Gayman.
Gay. I thank you, Sir do you consent, my Julia?
L. Ful. No, Sir you do not like me a canvas Bag
of wooden Ladles were a better Bed-fellow.
Gay. Cruel Tormenter ! Oh, I could kill myself with
shame and anger !
L. Ful. Come hither, Bredwel witness for my Honour
that I had no design upon his Person, but that of trying
his Constancy.
Bred. Believe me, Sir, 'tis true I feigned a danger
near just as you got to bed and I was the kind Devil,
Sir, that brdught the Gold to you.
Bea. And you were one of the Devils that beat me,
and the Captain here, Sir?
Gay. No truly, Sir, those were some I hired to beat
you for abusing me to day.
Noi. To make you 'mends, Sir, I bring you the certain
News of the death of Sir Thomas Gayman^ your Uncle,
who has left you Two thousand pounds a year
Gay. I thank you, Sir I heard the news before.
Sir Cau. How's this; Mr. Gayman, my Lady's first
278 EPILOGUE
Lover ? I find, Sir Feeble, we were a couple of old Fools
indeed, to think at our Age to cozen two lusty young
Fellows of their Mistresses ; 'tis no wonder that both the
Men and the Women have been too hard for us ; we are
not fit Matches for either, that's the truth on't.
The Warrior needs must to his Rival yield,
Who comes with blunted Weapons to the Field.
EPILOGUE,
Written by a Person of Quality, Spoken by
Mr. Betterton.
LONG have we turned the point of our just Rage
On the half Wits, and Criticks of the Age.
Oft has the soft, insipid Sonneteer
In Nice and Flutter, seen his Fop-face here.
Well was the ignorant lampooning Pack
Of shatterhead Rhymers whip'd on Craflfey's back ;
But such a trouble Weed is Poetaster,
The lower "'tis cut down, it grows the faster.
Though Satir then had such a plenteous crop,
An After Math of Coxcombs is come up ;
Who not content false Poetry to renew,
By sottish Censures woud condemn the true.
Let writing like a Gentleman -fine appear,
But must you needs judge too en Cavalier ?
These whiffling Criticks, 'tis our Authoress fears,
And humbly begs a Trial by her Peers :
Or let a Pole of Fools her fate pronounce,
There 's no great harm in a good quiet Dunce.
But shield her, Heaven ! from the left-handed blow
Of airy Blockheads who pretend to know.
On downright Dulness let her rather split,
Than be Fop-mangled under colour of Wit.
EPILOGUE 279
Hear me, ye Scribling Beaus,
Why will you in sheer Rhyme, without one stroke \
Of Poetry, Ladies just Disdain provoke.
And address Songs to whom you never spoke f
In doleful Hymns for dying Felons fit,
Why do you tax their Eyes, and blame their Wit ?
Unjustly of the Innocent you complain,
'Tis Butters give, and Tubs must cure your pain.
Why in Lampoons will you your selves revile ?
' Tis true, none else will think it worth their while :
But thus you're hid! oh, 'tis a politick Fetch ;
So some have hanged themselves to ease Jack Ketch.
Justly your Friends and Mistresses you blame, \
For being so they well deserve the shame,
' Tis the worst scandal to have borne that name. )
* At Poetry of late, and such whose Skill \
Excels your own, you dart a feeble Quill ;
Well may you rail at what you ape so ill. )
With virtuous Women, and all Men of Worth,
You're in a state of mortal War by Birth.
Nature in all her Atom-Fights ne'er knew
Two things so opposite as Them and You.
On such your Muse her utmost fury spends,
They're slandered worse than any but your Friends.
More years may teach you better ; the mean while,
If you can't mend your Morals, mend your Style.
* See the late Satir on Poetry.
THE FORC'D MARRIAGE;
OR, THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM.
(283)
ARGUMENT.
THE King of France to reward his favourite Alcippus, at the motion of
prince Philander, gladly assents to his being created general in place of old
Orgulius, who seeks to resign his office, and further on his royal word
pledges the new-made commander, Erminia, Orgulius' daughter, in marriage.
The lady, however, loves the dauphin, whilst the princess Galatea is
enamoured of Alcippus. All three are plunged into despair, and the brother
and sister knowing each other's passion bemoan their hapless fate. The
prince, indeed, threatens to kill Alcippus, upon which Galatea declares she
will poniard Erminia. On the wedding night the bride confesses her love
for Philander and refuses to admit Alcippus to her love. The dauphin at
the same time serenades Erminia at her chamber door, but Pisaro, a friend
to Alcippus, meeting him, there is a scuffle during which Alcander, the
prince's companion, wounds the intruder. The noise rouses Erminia who
issues from her room and encounters Philander. Alcippus, seeing them
together, mad with jealousy, attacks the prince. He is, however, beaten
back and even wounded, and later his fury is inflamed by Pisaro's tale, who
also informs the favourite that Galatea, for whom the narrator cherishes a
hopeless love, dotes fondly upon him. Erminia, now that she has been
joined in wedlock with Alcippus, guards herself carefully from the
dauphin's passion, but when the general is obliged by his duties to leave
Philander to her mistress' chamber, when the lovers are surprised by the
arrival of Alcippus on the scene. The prince is concealed, although the
meeting had been purely innocent, but he is betrayed owing to the fact
of his inadvertently leaving his hat and sword upon a table. He departs
unmolested, but once he is gone Alcippus, beside himself with blind fury,
strangles Erminia with an embroidered garter- Pisaro, coming in a few
moments after, reproaches him with the murder but hurries him away to
concealment. The deed, however, is discovered and noised abroad by
Falatius, a busy coxcomb courtier. Orgulius demands Alcippus' life from the
King, but Galatea, heart-broken, pleads for the man she loves. Philander
is distraught with grief, and the King decides that if he harms himself
Alcippus shall straightway pay the forfeit. The prince is about to wreak
his vengeance on the cruel husband when he is met by Erminia herself,
who, owing to her maid's attentions, has recovered from the swoon
Alcippus took for death. It is resolved that Alcippus, who is now torn
with agony and remorse, must be fittingly punished, and accordingly as he
lies sick at heart in his chamber Erminia enters as a spirit, and so looking
over his shoulder into a mirror wherein he is gazing tells him plainly of
Galatea's love. The princess then passes by as it were a phantom, and after
a masque, which he takes for a dream, he is conducted to a room draped
in black wherein is placed a catafalque. Here he encounters Philander and
as they are at hot words the King, who has been privy to the whole design,
enters and the two are reconciled. Erminia next appears, and the happy
(28 4 )
accident explained, Erminia is bestowed upon the dauphin, whilst the
princess is united to the favourite.
There is a slight underplot which deals with the amours of Aminta,
sister to Pisaro, and Alcander. She is also courted by the cowardly fop,
Falatius.
SOURCE.
The Fore' J Marriage ; or. The Jealous Bridegroom is the earliest, and most
certainly one of the weakest of Mrs. Behn's plays. This is, however, far
from saying that it is not a very good example of the Davenant, Howard,
Porter, Stapylton school of romantic tragi-comedy. But Aphara had not
yet hit upon her brilliant vein of intrigue. In The Forc'd Marriage she
seems to have remembered The Maid's Tragedy. The situation between
Alcippus and Erminia, Act ii, in, has some vague resemblance to that of
Amintor and Evadne, Act ii, i. Aminta also faintly recalls Dula, whilst the
song 'Hang love, for I will never pine' has a far-off echo of 'I could never
have the power.' But Mrs. Behn has not approached within measuring
distance of that supreme masterpiece.
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
THE stage history of The Forc'd Marriage ; or, The Jealous Bridegroom is best
told in the quaint phrase of old Downes. Produced in December, 1670 at
the Duke's Theatre, Lincoln's Inn Fields, The Jealous Bridegroom, says
the veteran prompter, 'wrote by Mrs. Behn, a good play and lasted six
days'. This, it must be remembered, was by no means a poor run at that
time. 'Note,' continues the record, 'In this play, Mr. Otway the poet
having an inclination to turn actor; Mrs. Behn gave him the King in this
play for a probation part, but he being not us'd to the stage, the full house
put him to such a sweat and tremendous agony, being dash'd, spoilt him
for an actor.'
To quote Mr. Gosse's excellent and classic essay on Otway : 'The choice
of the part showed the kindly tact of the shrewd Mrs. Behn. The king
had to speak the few first words, to which the audience never listens, to
make some brief replies in the first scene, and then not to speak again
until the end of the fourth act. In the fifth act he had to make rather a
long speech to Smith 1 , explaining that he was "old and feeble, and could
not long survive," and this is nearly all he had to say till the very end,
where he was in great force as the kind old man who unites the couples
and speaks the last words. It was quite a crucial test, and Otway proved
his entire inability to face the public. He trembled, was inaudible, melted
in agony, and had to leave the stage. The part was given to Westwood, a
professional actor, and Otway never essayed to tread the boards again.'
The Forc'd Marriage seems never to have been revived since its production.
On the title page of the second quarto (1690), The Forc'd Marriage is said
to have been played at the Queen's Theatre. This is because the Duke's
House temporarily changed its name thus. It.does not refer to a second run
of the play.
1 Mr. Gosse by a slip writes 'Betterton'. The King (v, in) is talking to
Philander, acted by Smith. Betterton played the favourite Alcippus.
THE FORC'D MARRIAGE;
or, the Jealous Bridegroom.
Fa man enfant! prends ta fortune.
PROLOGUE.
GALLANTS, our Poets have of late so uid ye,
In Play and Prologue too so much abused ye,
That should we beg your aids, I justly fear,
Te're so incensed you'd hardly lend it here.
But when against a common Foe we arm,
Each will assist to guard his own concern.
Women those charming Victors, in whose Eyes
Lie all their Arts, and their Artilleries,
Not being contented with the Wounds they made,
Would by new Stratagems our Lives invade.
Beauty alone goes now at too cheap rates ;
And therefore they, like Wise and Politick States,
Court a new Power that may the old supply,
To keep as well as gain the Victory.
They* II join the force of Wit to Beauty now,
And so maintain the Right they have in you.
If the vain Sex this privilege should boast,
Past cure of a declining Face we're lost.
You II never know the bliss of Change ; this Art
Retrieves (when Beauty fades) the wandring Heart ;
And though the Airy Spirits move no more,
Wit still invites, as Beauty did before.
To day one of their Party ventures out,
Not with design to conquer, but to scout.
Discourage but this first attempt, and then
They'll hardly dare to sally out again.
286 PROLOGUE
The Poetess too, they say, has Spies abroad,
Which have dispersed themselves in every road,
I 'th 1 Upper Box, Pit, Galleries ; every Face
You find disguised in a Black Velvet Case.
My life on't ; is her Spy on purpose sent,
To hold you in a wanton Compliment ;
That so you may not censure what she' as writ,
Which done, they face you down "'twas full of Wit.
Thus, while some common Prize you hope to win,
You let the Tyrant Victor enter in.
I beg to day you'd lay that humour by,
Till your Rencounter at the Nursery ;
Where they, like Centinels from duty free,
May meet and wanton with the Enemy.
Enter an Actress.
How hast thou laboured to subvert in vain,
What one poor Smile of ours calls home again ?
Can any see that glorious Sight and say [Woman point-
A Woman shall not Victor prove to day? ing to the
Who is't that to their Beauty would submit, Ladies.
And yet refuse the Fetters of their Wit ?
He tells you tales of Stratagems and Spies ;
Can they need Art that have such powerful Eyes ?
Believe me, Gallants, he' as abused you all;
There s not a Vizard in our whole Cabal :
Those are but Pickeroons that scour for prey
And catch up all they meet with in their way ;
Who can no Captives take, for all they do
Is pillage ye, then gladly let you go.
Ours scorns the petty Spoils, and do prefer
The Glory not the Interest of the War :
But yet our Forces shall obliging prove,
Imposing nought but Constancy in Love :
That's all our Aim, and when we have it too,
We II sacrifice it all to pleasure you.
(28 7 )
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
King, Mr. Wcstivood.
Philander, his Son, betrothed to Erminia, Mr. Smith.
Alcippus, Favourite, in love with Erminia, Mr. Betterton,
Orgulius, late General, Father to Erminia, Mr. Norris.
Alcander, Friend to the Prince, in love with ) -,
,, . ' y Mr. Tounfr.
Aminta,
Pisaro, Friend to the young General Alcippus, Mr. Cademan.
Falatius, a fantastick Courtier, Mr. Angel.
Labree, his Man.
Cleontius. Servant to the Prince, and Brother to ) -, .-, ,
, .... ' \ Mr. Crosby,
hi/tta,
Page to Pisaro.
WOMEN.
Galatea, Daughter to the King, Mrs. Jennings.
Erminia, Daughter to Orpulius, espous'd to the ) ,, D
. ' \ Mrs. Betterton.
Prince, )
Aminta, Sister to Pisaro, in love with Alcander, Mrs. Wright.
Olinda, Sister to Alcander, Maid of Honour to ] -, T
, ' . I Mrs. Lee.
the Princess,
Isillia, Sister to Cleontius, Woman to Erminia, Mrs. Clough.
Lysette, Woman to Aminta.
Clergy, Officers, Pages and Attendants.
Scene within the Court of FRANCE.
288 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT i
ACT I.
SCENE I. The Palace.
Enter King, Philander, Orgulius, Alcippus, Alcander,
Pisaro, Cleontius, Falatius; and Officers.
King. How shall I now divide my Gratitude,
Between a Son, and one that has oblig'd me,
Beyond the common duty of a Subject?
Phil. Believe me, Sir, he merits all your Bounty,
I only took example by his Actions ;
And all the part o'th' Victory which I gain'd,
Was but deriv'd from him.
King. Brave Youth, whose Infant years did bring us
Conquests ;
And as thou grew'st to Man, thou grew'st in Glory,
And hast arriv'd to such a pitch of it,
As all the slothful Youth that shall succeed thee,
Shall meet reproaches of thy early Actions :
When Men shall say, thus did the brave Alcippus ;
And that great Name shall every Soul inspire
With Emulation to arrive at something,
That's worthy of Example.
Alcip. I must confess I had the honour, Sir,
To lead on twenty thousand fighting Men,
Whom Fortune gave the Glory of the Day to.
I only bid them fight, and they obey'd me ;
But 'twas my Prince that taught them how to do so.
King. I do believe Philander wants no courage ;
But what he did was to preserve his own.
But thine the pure effects of highest Valour ;
For which, if ought below my Crown can recompense,
Name it, and take it, as the price of it.
sc. i] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 289
Aklp. The Duty which we pay your Majesty,
Ought to be such, as what we pay the Gods ;
Which always bears its Recompence about it.
King. Yet suffer me to make thee some return,
Though not for thee, yet to incourage Bravery.
I know thy Soul is generous enough,
To think a glorious Act rewards it self.
But those who understand not so much Virtue,
Will call it my neglect, and want of Gratitude ;
In this thy Modesty will wrong thy King.
Alcippus, by this pause you seem to doubt
My Power or Will ; in both you are to blame.
Akip. Your pardon, Sir ; I never had a thought
That could be guilty of so great a Sin.
That I was capable to do you service,
Was the most grateful Bounty Heaven allow'd me,
And I no juster way could own that Blessing,
Than to imploy the Gift for your repose.
King. I shall grow angry, and believe your Pride
Would put the guilt off on your Modesty,
Which would refuse what that believes below it.
Phil. Your Majesty thinks too severely of him ;
Permit me, Sir, to recompense his Valour,
I saw the wonders on't, and thence may guess
In some Degree, what may be worthy of it.
King. I like it well, and till thou hast perform'd it,
I will divest my self of all my Power,
And give it thee, till thou hast made him great.
Phil. I humbly thank you, Sir
[Bows to the King, takes the Staff from Orgulius, and
gives it to Alcippus, who looks amazedly.
And here I do create him General.
You seem to wonder, as if I dispossess'd
The brave Orgulius ; but be pleas'd to know,
Such Reverence and Respect I owe that Lord,
As had himself not made it his Petition,
III U
290 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT i
I sooner should have parted with my Right,
Than have discharg'd my debt by injuring him. ~
King. Orgu/ius, are you willing to resign it ?
Org. With your permission, Sir, most willingly ;
His vigorqus Youth is fitter for't than Age,
Which now has render'd me uncapable
Of what that can with more success perform.
My Heart and Wishes are the same they were,
But Time has quite depriv'd me of that power
That should assist a happy Conqueror.
King. Yet Time has added little to your years,
Since I restor'd you to this great Command,
And then you thought it not unfit for you.
Org. Sir, was it fit I should refuse your Grace ?
That was your act of Mercy : and I took it
To clear my Innocence, and reform the Errors
Which those receiv'd who did believe me guilty,
Or that my Crimes were greater than that Mercy.
I took it, Sir, in scorn of those that hated me,
And now resign it to the Man you love.
King. We need not this proof to confirm thy Loyalty ;
Nor am I yet so barren of Rewards,
But I can find a way, without depriving
Thy noble Head of its victorious Wreaths,
To crown another's Temples.
Org. I humbly beg your Majesty's consent to't,
If you believe dlcippus worthy of it ;
The generous Youth I have bred up to Battles,
Taught him to overcome, and use that Conquest
As modestly as his submissive Captive,
His Melancholy, (but his easy Fetters)
To meet Death's Horrors with undaunted looks :
How to despise the Hardships of a Siege ;
To suffer Cold and Hunger, want of -Sleep.
Nor knew he other rest than on his Horse-back,
Where he would sit and take a hearty Nap;
SC. l]
And
I coul
"
Kit
But y
1C
Has c
I had'
But t;'
THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM
icn too dreamt of fighting.
continue on a day in telling
Venders of this Warrior.
I credit all, and do submit to you.
et Alcippus seems displeas'd with it.
p. Ah, Sir ! too late I find my Confidence
vercome my unhappy Bashfulness;
an humbler Suit to approach you with ;
lis unlook'd for Honour
291
soon confounded all my lesser aims,
were they not essential to my Being,
urst not name them after what y' have done.
ing. It is not well to think my Kindness limited ;
is, from the Prince you hold, the next from me ;
what it will, I here declare it thine.
Upon my life, designs upon a Lady ;
r jguess it from thy blushing.
_T-Name her, and here thy King engages for her.
Phi. O Gods ! What have I done ? [Aside.
Alcip. Erminia, Sir. [Bow s.
Phi. I'm ruin'd. [Aside.
King. Akippus, with her Father's leave, she's thine.
Org. Sir, 'tis my Aim and Honour.
Phi. Alcippus, is't a time to think of Weddings,
the disorder'd Troops require your Presence ?
'You must to the Camp to morrow.
Alcip. You need not urge that Duty to me, Sir.
King. A Day or two will finish that affair,
And then we'll consummate the happy Day,
When all the Court shall celebrate your Joy.
[They all go out^ but Alcan. Pisa, and Fal.
Pis. Fellatio, you are a swift Horseman ;
I believe you have a Mistress at Court,
You made such haste this Morning.
Fal. By Jove, Pisaro, I was weary enough of the
Campaign ; and till I had lost sight of it,
292 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT i
I clapt on all my Spurs
But what ails Alcander ?
Pis. What, displeas'd ?
A lean. It may be so, what then ?
Pis. Then thou mayst be pleas'd again.
Alcan. Why the Devil should I rejoice ?
Because I see another rais'd above me ;
Let him be great, and damn'd with all his Greatness.
Pis. Thou mean'st Alcippus, who I think meritsit.
Alcan. What is't that thou cal'st Merit ?
He fought, it's true, so did you, and I,
And gain'd as much as he o'th' Victory,
But he in the Triumphal Chariot rode,
Whilst we ador'd him like a Demi-God.
He with the Prince an equal welcome found,
Was with like Garlands, though less Merit, crown'd.
Fal. He's in the right for that, by Jove.
Pis. Nay, now you wrong him.
Alcan. What's he I should not speak my sense of him ?
Pis. He is our General.
Alcan. What then ?
What is't that he can do, which I'll decline ?
Has he more Youth, more Strength, or Arms than I?
Can he preserve himself i'th' heat of the Battle?
Or can he singly fight a whole Brigade ?
Can he receive a thousand Wounds, and live ?
Fal. Can you or he do so ?
Alcan. I do not say I can; but tell me then,
Where be the Virtues of this mighty Man,
That he should brave it over all the rest ?
Pis. Faith, he has many Virtues, and much Courage ;
And merits it as well as you or I :
Orgu/ius was grown old.
Alcan. What then ?
Pis. Why then he was unfit for't,
But that he had a Daughter that was young.
sc. i] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 293
Akan. Yes, he might have lain by,
Like rusty Armour, else,
Had she not brought him into play again ;
The Devil take her for't.
Fa/. By Jove, he's dissatisfy'd with every thing.
Alcan. She has undone my Prince,
And he has most unluckily disarm'd himself,
And put the Sword into his Rival's hand,
Who will return it to his grateful Bosom.
Phi, Why, you believe Alcippus honest
Alcan. Yes, in your sense, Pisaro,
But do not like the last demand he made ;
'Twas but an ill return upon his Prince,
To beg his Mistress, rather challeng'd her.
Pis. His ignorance that she was so, may excuse him.
Alcan. The Devil 'twill, dost think he knew it not?
Pis. Orgulius still design'd him for Erminia ;
And if the Prince be disoblig'd from this,
He only ought to take it ill from him.
Alcan. Too much, Pisaro, you excuse his Pride,
But 'tis the Office of a Friend to do so.
Pis. 'Tis true, I am not ignorant of this,
That he despises other Recompence
For all his Services, but fair Erminia^
I know 'tis long since he resign'd his Heart,
Without so much as telling her she conquer'd ;
And yet she knew he lov'd ; whilst she, ingrate,
Repay'd his Passion only with her Scorn.
Alcan. In loving him, she'd more ingrateful prove
To her first Vows, to Reason, and to Love.
Pis. For that, Alcander^ you know more than I.
Fal. Why sure Aminta will instruct her better,
She's as inconstant as the Seas and Winds,
Which ne'er are calm but to betray Adventurers.
Alcan. How came you by that knowledg, Sir?
Fal. What a Pox makes him ask me that question now ?
[Aside.
294 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT i
Pis. Prithee, Akander, now we talk of her,
How go the Amours 'twixt you and my wild Sister ?
Can you speak yet, or do you tell your tale
With Eyes and Sighs, as you were wont to do ?
Akan. Faith, much at that old rate, Pisaro,
I yet have no incouragement from her
To make my Court in any other language.
Pis. You'll bring her to't, she must be overcome,
And you're the fittest for her fickle Humour.
Akan. Pox on't, this Change will spoil our making Love,
We must be sad, and follow the Court-Mode :
My life on't, you'll see desperate doings here ;
The Eagle will not part so with his Prey ;
Erm'inla was not gain'd so easily,
To be resign'd so tamely. But come, my Lord,
This will not satisfy our appetites,
Let's in to Dinner, and when warm with Wine,
We shall be fitter for a new Design. [ They go out. Fal. stays.
Fa!. Now am I in a very fine condition,
A comfortable one, as I take it :
I have ventur'd my Life to some purpose now ;
What confounded luck was this, that he of all men
Living, should happen to be my Rival ?
Well, I'll go visit Ammta^ and see how
She receives me.
Why, where a duce hast thou dispos'd of
Enter Labree.
Thy self all this day ? I will be bound to be
Hang'd if thou hast not a hankering after
Some young Wench ; thou couldst never loiter
Thus else ; but I'll forgive thee now, and prithee go to
My Lady Aminta's Lodgings; kiss her hand
From me ; and tell her, I am just returned from
The Campain : mark that word, Sirrah.
Lab. I shall, Sir, 'tis truth.
sc. i] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 295
Fa/. Well, that's all one ; but if she should
Demand any thing concerning me, (for
Love's inquisitive) dost hear ? as to my Valour, or so,
Thou understand'st me ; tell her
I acted as a man that pretends to the glory of
Serving her.
Lab. I warrant you, Sir, for a Speech.
FaL Nay, thou mayst speak as well too much
As too little ; have a care of that, dost hear ?
And if she ask what Wounds I have, dost mind me ?
Tell her I have many, very many.
Lab. But whereabouts, Sir ?
FaL Let me see let me see ; I know not where
To place them I think in my Face.
Lab. By no means, Sir, you had much better
Have them in your Posteriors : for then the Ladies
Can never disprove you ; they'll not look there.
FaL The sooner, you Fool, for the Rarity on't.
Lab. Sir, the Novelty is not so great, I assure you.
FaL Go to, y'are wicked ;
But I will have them in my Face.
Lab. With all my heart, Sir, but how ?
FaL I'll wear a patch or two there, and I'll
Warrant you for pretending as much as any man ;
And who, you Fool, shall know the fallacy ?
Lab. That, Sir, will all that know you, both in the
Court and Camp.
FaL Mark me, Labree, once for all ; if thou takest
Delight continually thus to put me in mind of
My want of Courage, I shall undoubtedly
Fall foul on th.ee, and give thee most fatal proofs
Of more than thou expectest.
Lab. Nay, Sir, I have done, and do believe 'tis only
I dare say you are a man of Prowess.
FaL Leave thy simple fancies, and go about thy business.
Lab. I am gone ; but hark, my Lord,
296 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT i
If I should say your Face were wounded,
The Ladies would fear you had lost your Beauty.
Fal. O, never trouble your head for that, Amlnta
Is a Wit, and your Wits care not how ill-favour'd
Their Men be, the more ugly the better.
Lab. An't be so, you'll fit them to a hair.
Fal. Thou art a Coxcomb, to think a man of my
Quality needs the advantage of Handsomness :
A trifle as insignificant as Wit or Valour ; poor
Nothings, which Men of Fortune ought to despise.
Lab. Why do you then keep such a stir, to gain
The reputation of this thing you so despise ?
Fal. To please the peevish humour of a Woman,
Who in that point only is a Fool.
Lab. You had a Mistress once, if you have not
Forgotten her, who would have taken you with
All these faults.
Fal. There was so; but she was poor, that's the Devil,
I could have lov'd her else.
But go thy ways ; what dost thou muse on ?
Lab. Faith, Sir, I am only fearful you will never
Pass with those Patches you speak of.
Fal. Thou never-to-be-reclaim'd Ass, shall I never
Bring thee to apprehend as thou ought'st ? I tell thee,
I will pass and repass, where and how I please ;
Know'st thou not the difference yet, between a Man
Of Money and Titles, and a Man of only 'Parts,
As they call them ? poor Devils of no Mein nor Garb :
Well, 'tis a fine and frugal thing, this Honour,
It covers a multitude of Faults :
Even Ridicule in one of us is a-la-mode.
But I detain thee; go haste to Aminta.
\_Exeunt severally.
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 297
SCENE II. Galatea's Apartments.
Enter Galatea, Aminta, and Olinda.
Gal. Will Erminia come?
OH. Madam, I thought she'd been already here.
Gal. But prithee how does she support this news?
OH. Madam, as those unreconciled to Heaven
Would bear the pangs of death.
Am. Time will convince her of that foolish error,
Of thinking a brisk young Husband a torment.
Gal. What young Husband ?
Am. The General, Madam.
Gal. Why, dost thou think she will consent to it ?
Am. Madam, I cannot tell, the World's inconstant.
Gal. Ay, Aminta, in every thing but Love ;
And sure they cannot be in that :
What say'st thou, Olinda ?
Oil. Madam, my Judgment's naught.
Love I have treated as a stranger Guest,
Receiv'd him well, not lodg'd him in my Breast.
I ne'er durst give the unknown Tyrant- room ;
Lest he should make his resting place his home.
Gal. Then thou art happy ; but if Erminia fail,
I shall not live to reproach her.
Am. Nay, Madam, do not think of dying yet :
There is a way, if we could think of it.
Gal. Amenta, when will thou this Humour lose ?
Am. Faith, never, if I might my Humour chuse.
Gal. Methinks thou now should'st blush to bid me live.
Am. Madam, 'tis the best counsel I can give.
Gal. Thy Counsel ! Prithee, what dost counsel now ?
Am. What I would take my self I counsel you.
Gal. You must my Wounds and my Misfortunes bear
Before you can become my Counsellor.
You cannot guess the Torments I endure :
Not knowing the Disease you'll miss the Cure.
298 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT i
Am. Physicians, Madam, can the Patient heal
Although the Malady they ne'er did feel ;
But your Disease is epidemical,
Nor can I that evade that conquers all.
I lov'd, and never did like pleasure know,
Which Passion did with time less vigorous grow.
Gal. Why, hast thou lost it ?
Am. It, and half a score.
Gal. Losing the first, sure thou couldst love no more.
Am. With more facility, than when the Dart
Arm'd with resistless fire first seiz'd my Heart ;
'Twas long then e'er the Boy could entrance get,
And make his little Victory compleat ;
And now he'as got the knack on't, 'tis with ease
He domineers, and enters when he please.
Gal. My Heart, Aminta, is not like to thine.
Am. Faith, Madam, try, you'll find it just like mine.
The first I lov'd was Pbilocles, and then
Made Protestations ne'er to love again,
Yet after left him for a faithless crime ;
But then I languisht even to death for him ;
But Love who suffer'd me to take no rest,
New fire-balls threw, the old scarce dispossest j
And by the greater flame the lesser light,
Like Candles in the Sun extinguish'd quite,
And left no power Akander to resist,
Who took, and keeps possession of my breast.
Gal. Art thou a Lover then, and look'st so gay,
But thou hast ne'er a Father to obey. [Sighing.
Am. Why, if I had I would obey him too.
Gal. And live?
Am. And live.
Gal. 'Tis more than I can do.
Enter Erminia weeping.
Thy Eyes, Erminia, do declare thy Heart
[Gal. meets her y embraces her, and weeps.
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 299
Has nothing but Despairs and Death t' impart,
And I alas, no Comfort can apply,
But I as well as you can weep and die.
Er. I'll not reproach my Fortune, since in you
Grief does the noblest of your Sex subdue ;
When your great Soul a sorrow can admit,
I ought to suffer from the sense of it ;
Your cause of grief too much like mine appears,
Not to oblige my Eyes to double tears ;
And had my heart no sentiments at home,
My part in yours had doubtless fill'd the room.
But mine will no addition more receive,
Fate has bestow'd the worst she had to give ;
Your mighty Soul can all its rage oppose,
Whilst mine must perish by more feeble blows.
Gal. Indeed I dare not say my cause of grief
Does yours exceed, since both are past relief.
But if your Fates unequal do appear,
Erminia, 'tis my heart that odds must bear.
Er. Madam, 'tis just I should to you resign,
But here you challenge what is only mine :
My Fate so cruel is, it will not give
Leave to Philander (if I die) to live :
Might I but suffer all, 'twere some content,
But who can live and see this languishment ?
You, Madam, do alone your Sorrows bear,
Which would be less, did but Alcippus share ;
As Lovers we agree, I'll not deny,
But thou art lov'd again, so am not I.
Am. Madam, that grief the better is sustain'd,
That's for a loss that never yet was gain'd ;
You only lose a man that does not know
How great the honour is which you bestow ;
Who dares not hope you love, or if he did,
Your Greatness would his just return forbid ;
His humble thoughts durst ne'er to you aspire,
300 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT i
At most he would presume but to admire ;
Or if it chanc'd he durst more daring prove,
You still must languish and conceal your Love.
Gal. This which you argue lessens not my Pain,
My Grief's the same were I belov'd again.
The King my Father would his promise keep,
And thou must him enjoy for whom I weep.
Er. Ah, would I could that fatal gift deny ;
Without him you; and with him, I must die;
My Soul your royal Brother does adore,
And I, all Passion, but from him, abhor ;
But if I must th' unsuit Alcippus wed,
I vow he ne'er shall come into my Bed.
Gal. That's bravely sworn, and now I love thee more
Than e'er I was oblig'd to do before,
But yet, Erminia, guard thee from his Eyes,
Where so much love, and so much Beauty lies ;
Those charms may conquer thee, which made me bow,
And make thee love as well as break this Vow.
Er. Madam, it is unkind, though but to fear
Ought butPkHandercan inhabit here. [Lays her hand on her
Gal. Ah, that Alcippus did not you approve, heart.
We then might hope these mischiefs to remove ;
The King my Father might be won by Prayer,
And my too powerful Brother's sad despair,
To break his word, which kept will us undo :
And he will lose his dear Philander too,
Who dies and can no remedies receive :
But vows that 'tis for you alone he'll live.
Er. Ah, Madam, do not tell me how he dies,
I've seen too much already in his Eyes :
They did the sorrows of his Soul betray,
Which need not be confest another way :
'Twas there I found what my misfortune was,
Too sadly written in his lovely face.
But see, my Father comes: Madam, withdraw a while,
And once again I'll try my interest with him. [Exeunt.
sc. in] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 301
SCENE III. A room in the bouse 0/~Orgulius.
Enter Orgulius, Erminia weeping, and Isillia.
Er. Sir, does your fatal resolution hold ?
Org. Away, away, you are a foolish Girl,
And look with too much pride upon your Beauty ;
Which like a gaudy flower that springs too soon,
Withers e'er fully blown.
Your very Tears already have betray'd
Its weak inconstant nature ;
Alcippus, should he look upon thee now,
Would swear thou wert not that fine thing he lov'd.
Er. Why should that blessing turn to my despair ?
Curse on his Faith that told him I was fair.
Org. 'Tis strange to me youshou'd despise this Fortune,
I always thought you well inclin'd to love him,
I would not else have thus dispos'd of you.
Er. I humbly thank you, Sir, though 't be too late,
And wish you yet would try to change my Fate ;
What to Alcippus you did Love believe,
Was such a Friendship as might well deceive;
'Twas what kind Sisters do to Brothers pay ;
Alcippus I can love no other way.
Sir, lay the Interest of a Father by,
And give me leave this Lover to deny.
Org. Erminia, thou art young, and canst not see
The advantage of the Fortune offer'd thee.
Er. Alas, Sir, there is something yet behind. [Sighs.
Org. What is't, Erminia ? freely speak thy mind.
Er. Ah, Sir, I dare not, you inrag'd will grow.
Org. Erminia, you have seldom found me so ;
If no mean Passion have thy Soul possest,
Be what it will I can forgive the rest.
Er. No, Sir, it is no crime, or if it be,
Let Prince Philander make the Peace for me ;
He 'twas that taught the Sin (if Love be such.)
302 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT i
Org. Erminia, peace, he taught you then too much.
Er. Nay, Sir, you promis'd me you wou'd not blame
My early Love, if 'twere a noble Flame.
Org. Than this a more unhappy could not be ;
Destroy it, or expect to hear of me. [Offers to go out.
Er. Alas, I know 'twould anger you, when known.
[She stays him.
Org. Erminia, you are wondrous daring grown.
Where got you courage to admit his Love,
Before the King or I did it approve ?
Er. I borrow'd Courage from my Innocence,
And my own Virtue, Sir, was my defence.
Philander never spoke but from a Soul,
That all dishonest Passions can controul ;
With Flames as chaste as Vestals that did burn,
From whence I borrow'd mine, to make return.
Org. Your Love from Folly, not from Virtue grew ;
You never could believe he'd marry you.
Er. Upon my life no other thing he spoke,
But those from dictates of his Honour took.
Org. Though by his fondness led he were content
To marry thee, the King would ne'er consent.
Cease then this fruitless Passion, and incline
Your Will and Reason to agree with mine,
Alcippus I dispos'd you to before,
And now I am inclin'd to it much more.
Some days I had design'd t' have given thee
To have prepar'd for this solemnity ;
But now my second thoughts believe it fit,
You should this night to my desires submit.
Er. This night ! Ah, Sir, what is't you mean to do?
Org. Preserve my Credit, and thy Honour too.
Er. By such resolves you me to ruin bring.
Org. That's better than to disoblige my King.
Er. But if the King his liking do afford,
Would you not with Akippus break your word ?
sc. iv] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 303
Or would you not to serve your Prince's life,
Permit your Daughter to become his Wife?
Org. His Wife, Erminia! if I did believe
Thou could'st to such a thought a credit give,
I would the interest of a Father quit,
And you, Erminia^ have no need of it :
Without his aid you can a Husband chuse ;
Gaining the Prince you may a Father lose.
Er. Ah, Sir, these words are Poniards to my Heart ;
And half my Love to Duty does convert;
Alas, Sir, I can be content to die,
But cannot suffer this Severity : [Kneels.
That care you had, dear Sir, continue still,
I cannot live and disobey your will. [Rises.
Org. This duty has regain'd me, and you'll find
A just return ; I shall be always kind.
Go, reassume your Beauty, dry your Eyes ;
Remember 'tis a Father does advise. [Goes out.
Er. Ungrateful Duty, whose uncivil Pride
By Reason is not to be satisfy'd ;
Who even Love's Almighty Power o'erthrows,
Or does on it too rigorous Laws impose ;
Who bindest up our Virtue too too strait,
And on our Honour lays too great a weight.
Coward, whom nothing but thy power makes strong ;
Whom Age and Malice bred t' affright the young ;
Here thou dost tyrannize to that degree,
That nothing but my Death will set me free.
[Ex. Erm. and Isil.
SCENE IV. Philander's Apartments.
Enter Philander and Alcander.
Phil. Urge it no more, your Reasons do displease me ;
I offer'd her a Crown with her Philander,
And she was once pleas'd to accept of it.
She lov'd me too, yes, and repaid my flame,
304 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT i, sc. iv
As kindly as I sacrificed to her :
The first salute we gave were harmless Love,
Our Souls then met, and so grew up together,
Like sympathizing Twins.
And must she now be ravish'd from my Arms ?
Will you, Erminia, suffer such a Rape ?
What though the King have said it shall be so,
'Tis not his pleasure can become thy Law,
No, nor it shall not.
And though he were my God as well as King,
I would instruct thee how to disobey him ;
Thou shalt, Erminia, bravely say, I will not ;
He cannot force thee to't against thy will.
Oh Gods, shall duty to a King and Father
Make thee commit a Murder on thy self,
Thy sacred self, and me that do adore thee ?
No, my Erminia, quit this vain devoir,
And follow Love that may preserve us all :
Presumptuous Villain, bold Ingratitude
Hadst thou no other way to pay my favours ?
By Heaven, 'twas bravely bold, was it not, Alcander ?
Alcan. It was somewhat strange, Sir ;
But yet perhaps he knew not that you lov'd her.
Phil. Not know it ! yes, as well as thou and I.
The world was full on't, and could he be ignorant ?
Why was her Father call'd from banishment,
And plac'd about the King, but for her sake ?
What made him General, but my Passion for her ?
What gave him twenty thousand Crowns a year,
But that which made me captive to Erminia,
Almighty Love, of which thou say'st he is ignorant ?
How has he order'd his audacious flame,
That I cou'd ne'er perceive it all this while.
Alcan. Then 'twas a flame conceal'd from you alone,
To the whole Court, besides, 'twas visible.
He knew you would not suffer it to burn out ;
ACT ii, sc. i] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 305
And therefore waited till his services
Might give encouragement to's close design.
If that could do't he nobly has endeavour'd it,
But yet I think you need not yield her, Sir.
Phi. Alcippus, I confess, is brave enough,
And by such ways I'll make him quit his claim ;
He shall to morrow to the Camp again,
And then I'll own my Passion to the King ;
He loves me well, and I may hope his pity.
Till then be calm, my Heart , for if that fail,
[Points to his Sword.
This is the argument that will prevail. [Exeunt.
ACT II.
THE REPRESENTATION OF THE WEDDING.
The Curtain must be let down, and soft Mustek must play :
The Curtain being drawn up, discovers a scene of a
Temple: The K.\ng sitting on a Throne, bowing down to join
the hands 0/"Alcippus and Erminia, who kneel on the steps of
the Throne; the Officers of the Court and Clergy standing
in order by, with Orgulius. This within the Scene.
Without on the Stage, Philander with his Sword half drawn,
held by Galatea, who looks ever on Alcippus : Erminia
still fixing her Eyes on Philander ; Pisaro passionately
gazing on Galatea : Aminta on Fallatio, and he on her :
Alcander, Isillia, Cleontius, in other several postures,
with the rest, all remaining without motion, whilst the
Mustek softly plays ; this continues a while till the Curtain
falls ; and then the Music k plays aloud till the Act begins.
SCENE I. The Palace.
Enter Philander and Galatea inrag'd.
Phi. 'Tis done, 'tis done, the fatal knot is ty'd,
Erminia to Alcippus is a Bride ;
Methinks I see the Motions of her Eyes,
And how her Virgin Breasts do fall and rise :
III X
306 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT n
Her bashful Blush, her timorous Desire,
Adding new Flame to his too vigorous Fire ;
Whilst he the charming Beauty must embrace,
And shall I live to suffer this Disgrace ?
Shall I stand tamely by, and he receive
That Heaven of bliss, defenceless she can give ?
No, Sister, no, renounce that Brother's name,
Suffers his Patience to surmount his Flame ;
I'll reach the Victor's heart, and make him see,
That Prize he has obtain'd belongs to me.
Gal. Ah, dear Philander^ do not threaten so,
Whilst him you wound, you kill a Sister too.
Phi. Though all the Gods were rallied on his side,
They should too feeble prove to guard his Pride.
Justice and Honour on my Sword shall sit,
And my Revenge shall guide the lucky hit.
Gal. Consider but the danger and the crime,
And, Sir, remember that his life is mine.
Phi. Peace, Sister, do not urge it as a sin,
Of which the Gods themselves have guilty been :
The Gods, my Sister, do approve Revenge
By Thunder, which th' Almighty Ports unhinge,
Such is their Lightning when poor Mortals fear,
And Princes are the Gods inhabit here ;
Revenge has charms that do as powerful prove
As those of Beauty, and as sweet as Love,
The force of Vengeance will not be withstood,
Till it has bath'd and cool'd it self in Blood.
Erminia, sweet Erminia, thou art lost,
And he yet lives that does the conquest boast.
Gal. Brother, that Captive you can ne'er retrieve
More by the Victor's death, than. if he live,
For she in Honour cannot him prefer,
Who shall become her Husband's Murderer ;
By safer ways you may that blessing gain,
When venturing thus through Blood and Death prove vain.
sc. ij THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 307
Phi. With hopes already that are vain as Air,
You've kept me from Revenge, but not Despair.
I had my self acquitted, as became
Erminias wrong'd Adorer, and my Flame ;
My Rival I had kill'd, and set her free,
Had not my Justice been disarm'd by thee.
But for thy faithless Hope, Fad murder'd him,
Even when the holy Priest was marrying them,
And offer'd up the reeking Sacrifice
To th' Gods he kneePd to, when he took my price ;
By all their Purity I would have don't.
But now I think I merit the Affront :
He that his Vengeance idly does defer,
His Safety more than his Success must fear :
I, like that Coward, did prolong my Fate,
But brave Revenge can never come too late.
Gal. Brother, if you can so inhuman prove
To me your Sister, Reason, and to Love :
I'll let you see that I have sentiments too,
Can love and be reveng'd as well as you ;
That hour that sha-11 a death to him impart,
Shall send this Dagger to Erminia's heart.
\_Shew s a Dagger.
Phi. Ah, Coward, how these words have made thee pale,
And Fear above thy Courage does prevail :
Ye Gods, why did you such a way invent ?
Gal. None else was left thy madness to prevent.
Phi. Ah, cruel Sister, I am tame become, "j
And will reverse my happy Rival's doom :
Yes, he shall live to triumph o'er my Tomb. J
But yet what thou hast said, I needs must blame,
For if my resolutions prove the same,
I now should kill thee, and my life renew ;
But were it brave or just to murder you?
At worst, I should an unkind Sister kill,
Thou wouldst the sacred blood of Friendship spill.
308 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT n
I kill a Man that has undone my Fame,
Ravish'd my Mistress, and contemn'd my Name,
And, Sister, one who does not thee prefer :
But thou no reason hast to injure her.
Such charms of Innocence her Eyes do dress,
As would confound the cruel'st Murderess :
And thou art soft, and canst no Horror see,
Such Actions, Sister, you must leave to me.
Gal. The highest Love no Reason will admit,
And Passion is above my Friendship yet.
Phi. Then since I cannot hope to alter thee,
Let me but beg that thou wouldst set me free ;
Free this poor Soul that such a coil does keep ;
'Twill neither let me wake in Peace, nor sleep.
Comfort I find a stranger to my heart,
Nor canst thou ought of that but thus impart;
Thou shouldst with joy a death to him procure,
Who by it leaves Akippus' life secure.
Gal. Dear Brother, you out-run your Patience still,
We'll neither die our selves, nor others kill ;
Something I'll do that shall thy joys restore,
And bring thee back that health thou had'st before ;
We're now expected at the Banquet, where
I'd have thy Eyes more Love than Anger wear :
This night be cheerful, and on me depend,
On me, that am thy Sister, and thy Friend :
A little raise Akippus 1 Jealousy
And let the rest be carried on by me ;
Nor would it be amiss should you provide
A Serenade to entertain the Bride :
'Twill give him Fears that may perhaps disprove
The fond opinion of his happy Love.
Phi Though Hope be faithless, yet I cannot chuse,
Coming from thee, but credit the abuse.
Gal. Philander, do not your Hope's power distrust,
'Tis time enough to die, when that's unjust. [Exeunt.
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 309
SCENE II. The Court Gallery.
Enter Aminta as passing over the Stage, is stayed by Olinda.
OH. Why so hasty, Aminta ?
Am. The time requires it, Olinda.
Oli. But I have an humble suit to you.
Am. You shall command me any thing.
Oil. Pray Heaven you keep your word.
Am. That sad tone of thine, Olinda, has almost
Made me repent of my promise ; but come, what is't ?
OK. My Brother, Madam.
Am. Now fie upon thee, is that all thy business?
[Ofers to go off.
Oil. Stay, Madam, he dies for you.
Am. He cannot do't for any Woman living ;
But well it seems he speaks of Love to you ;
To me he does appear a very Statue.
Oli. He nought but sighs and calls upon your name,
And vows you are the cruell'st Maid that breathes.
Am. Thou can'st not be in earnest sure.
Oli. I'll swear I am, and so is he.
Am. Nay, thou hast a hard task on't, to make
Vows to all the Women he makes love to ;
Indeed I pity thee; ha, ha, ha.
Oli. You should not laugh at those you have undone.
Aminta sings.
Hang Love, for I will never pine
For any Man alive ;
Nor shall this jolly Heart of mine
The thoughts of it receive ;
I will not purchase Slavery
At such a dangerous rate ;
But glory in my Liberty,
And laugh at Love and Fate.
Oli. You'll kill him by this cruelty.
310 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT n
Am. What is't thou call'st so?
For I have hitherto given no denials,
Nor has he given me cause ;
I have seen him wildly gaze upon me often,
And sometimes blush and smile, but seldom that ;
And now and then found fault with my replies,
And wonder'd where the Devil lay that wit,
Which he believ'd no Judge of it could find.
Oil. Faith, Madam, that's his way of making love.
Am. It will not take with me, I love a Man
Can kneel, and swear, and cry, and look submiss,
As if he meant indeed to die my Slave :
Thy Brother looks but too much like a Conqueror. [Sighs.
OH. How, Aminta, can you sigh in earnest ?
Am. Yes, Qlinda, and you shall know its meaning ;
I love Akander, and am not asham'd o'th' secret,
But prithee do not tell him what I say.
Oh, he's a man made up of those Perfections,
Which I have often lik'd in several men ;
And wish'd united to compleat some one,
Whom I might have the glory to o'ercome.
His Mein and Person, but 'bove all his Humour,
That surly Pride, though even to me addrest,
Does strangely well become him.
Oil. May I believe this ?
Am. Not if you mean to speak on't,
But I shall soon enough betray my self.
Enter Falatius with a patch or two on his Face.
Falatius, welcome from the Wars;
I'm glad to see y'ave scap'd the dangers of them.
Fal. Not so well scap'd neither, Madam, but I
Have left still a few testimonies of their
Severity to me. [Points to his face.
Oli. That's not so well, believe me.
Fal. Nor so ill, since they be such as render us
No less acceptable to your fair Eyes, Madam !
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 311
But had you seen me when I gain'd them, Ladies,
In that heroick posture.
Am. What posture ?
Fal. In that of fighting, Madam ;
You would have call'd to mind that antient story
Of the stout Giants that wag'd War with Heaven ;
Just so I fought, and for as glorious prize,
Your excellent Ladiship.
Am. For me, was it for me you ran this hazard then ?
Fal. Madam, I hope you do not question that,
Was it not all the faults you found with me,
The reputation of my want of Courage,
A thousand Furies are not like a Battle ;
And but for you,
By Jove, I would not fight it o'er again
For all the glory on't ; and now do you doubt me ?
Madam, your heart is strangely fortified
That can resist th' efforts I have made against it,
And bring to boot such marks of valour too.
Enter to them Alcander, who seeing them would turn back,
but Olinda stays him.
Oil. Brother, come back.
Fal. Advance, advance, what, Man, afraid of me ?
A lean. How can she hold discourse with that Fantastick.
[Aside.
Fal. Come for ward, and be complaisant. [Pulls him again.
Alcan. That's most proper for your Wit, Falatius.
Am. Why so angry ?
Alcan. Away, thou art deceiv'd.
Am. You've lost your sleep, which puts you out of
humour.
Alcan. He's damn'd will lose a moment on't for you.
Am. Who is't that has displeas'd you ?
Alcan. You have, and took my whole repose away,
And aiore than that, which you ne'er can restore ;
3 1 2 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT n
I can do nothing as I did before.
When I would sleep, I cannot do't for you,
My Eyes and Fancy do that form pursue ;
And when I sleep, you revel in my Dreams,
And all my Life is nothing but extremes.
When I would tell my love, I seem most rude,
For that informs me how I am subdu'd.
Gods, you're unjust to tyrannize o'er me,
When thousands fitter for't than I go free. \_Ex.
Fal. Why, what the Devil has possest Alcander ?
Oil. How like you this, Aminta ?
Am. Better and better, he's a wondrous man.
\_Exeunt Am. and Oli.
Fal. 'Tis the most unjanty humour that ever I saw ;
Ay, ay, he is my Rival,
No marvel an he look'd so big upon me ;
He is damnable valiant, and as jealous as
He is valiant; how shall I behave my
Self to him, and these too idle humours of his
I cannot yet determine ; the comfort is,
He knows I am a Coward whatever face I set upon it.
Well, I must either resolve never to provoke
His Jealousy, or be able to rencounter his
Other fury, his Valour ; that were a good
Resolve if I be not past all hope. [Ex.
SCENE III.
Enter Alcippus and Erminia, as in a Bed-Chamber.
Alcip. But still methinks, Erminia^ you are sad,
A heaviness appears in those fair Eyes,
As if your Soul were agitating something
Contrary to the pleasure of this night.
Er. You ought in Justice, Sir, t'excuse me here,
Prisoners when first committed are less gay,
Than when they're us'd to Fetters every day,
But yet in time they will more easy grow.
sc. in] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 313
Alcip. You strangely bless me in but saying so.
Er. Alcippus, I've an humble suit to you.
Alcip. All that I have is so intirely thine,
And such a Captive thou hast made my Will,
Thou needst not be at the expence of wishing
For what thou canst desire that I may grant ;
Why are thy Eyes declin'd ?
Er. To satisfy a little modest scruple ;
I beg you would permit me, Sir
Alcip. To lie alone to night, is it not so, Erminia?
Er. It is
Alcip. That's too severe, yet I will grant it thee ?
But why, Erminia^ must I grant it thee ?
Er. The Princess, Sir, questions my Power, and says,
I cannot gain so much upon your Goodness.
Aclip. I could have wish'd some other had oblig'd thee
to't.
Er. You would not blame her if you knew her reason.
Alcip. Indeed I do not much, for I can guess
She takes the party of the Prince her Brother ;
And this is only to delay those Joys,
Which she perhaps believes belong to him.
But that, Erminia^ you can best resolve ;
And 'tis not kindly done to hide a truth,
The Prince so clearly own'd.
Er. What did he own ?
Alcip. He said, Erminia^ that you were his Wife ;
If so, no wonder you refuse my Bed : [She weeps.
The Presence of the King hinder'd my knowledge,
Of what I willingly would learn from you ;
Come, ne'er deny a truth that plain appears ;
I see Hypocrisy through all your Tears.
Er. You need not ask me to repeat again,
A Knowledge which, you say, appears so plain :
The Prince his word methinks should credit get,
Which I'll confirm whene'er you call for it:
3 1 4 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT n
My heart before you ask't it, was his prize,
And cannot twice become a Sacrifice.
Alcip. Erminia, is this brave or just in you,
To pay his score of Love with what's my due?
What's your design to treat me in this sort ?
Are sacred Vows of Marriage made your sport ?
Regard me well, Erminia, what am I ?
Er. One, Sir, with whom, I'm bound to live and die,
And one to whom, by rigorous command,
I gave (without my Heart) my unwilling Hand.
Alcip. But why, Erminia, did you give it so ?
Er. T' obey a King and cruel Father too.
A Friendship, Sir, I can on you bestow,
But that will hardly into Passion grow ;
And 'twill an Act below your Virtue prove,
To force a Heart you know can never love.
Alcip. Am I the mask to hide your Blushes in,
I the contented Fool to veil your Sin?
Have you already learnt that trick at Court,
Both how to practise and secure your sport ?
Brave Mistress of your Art, is this the way,
My Service and my Passion to repay ?
Will nothing but a Prince your pleasure fit,
And could you think that I would wink at it?
Recal that Folly, or by all that's good,
I'll free the Soul that wantons in thy Blood.
[He in rage takes her by the arm^ shews a dagger.
Er. I see your Love your Reason has betray'd,
But I'll forgive the Faults which Love has made :
'Tis true, I love, and do confess it too ;
Which if a Crime, I might have hid from you;
But such a Passion 'tis as does despise
Whatever Rage you threaten from your Eyes.
Yes you may disapprove this flame in me,
But cannot hinder what the Gods decree ;
Search here this truth ; Alas, I cannot fear;
sc. in] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 315
Your Steel shall find a welcome entrance here.
[He holds her still^ and gazes on her.
Alcip. Where dost thou think thy ungrateful Soul will go,
Loaded with wrongs to me, should I strike now ?
Er. To some blest place, where Lovers do reside,
Free from the noise of Jealousy and Pride ;
Where we shall know no other Power but Love,
And where even thou wilt soft and gentle prove ;
So gentle, that if I should meet thee there,
Thou would'st allow, what thou deny'st me here.
Alcip. Thou hast disarm'd my Rage, and in its room
A world of Shame and softer Passions come,
Such as the first efforts of Love inspir'd,
When by thy charming Eyes my Soul was fir'd.
Er. I must confess your Fears are seeming just,
But here to free you from the least mistrust,
I swear, whilst I'm your Wife I'll not allow
Birth to a Thought that tends to injuring you.
Alcip. Not to believe thee, were a sin above
The Injuries I have done thee by my Love.
Ah, my Erminia, might I hope at last
To share the pity of that lovely Breast,
By slow degrees I might approach that Throne,
Where now the blest Philander reigns alone :
Perhaps in time my Passion might redeem
That now too faithful Heart y'ave given to him j
Do but forbear to hear his amorous Tales,
Nor from his moving Eyes learn what he ails :
A Fire that's kindled cannot long survive,
If one add nought to keep the flame alive.
Er. I will not promise ; what I mean to do
My Virtue only shall oblige me to.
Alcip. But, Madam, what d'you mean by this reserve ?
To what intent does all this Coldness serve?
Is there no pity to my Sufferings due ?
And will you still my Languishments renew ?
316 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT n
Come, come, recaL what you have rashly said ;
And own to morrow that thou art no Maid :
Thy Blushes do betray thy willingness,
And in thy lovely Eyes I read success.
Er. A double tie obliges me to be
Strict to my Vows, my Love and Amity ;
For my own sake the first I'll ne'er decline,
And I would gladly keep the last for thine.
Akip. Madam, you strangely do improve my pain,
To give me hopes you must recal again.
Er. Alcippus, you this language will forbear,
When you shall know how powerful you are ;
For whilst you here endeavour to subdue,
The best of Women languishes for you.
Akip. Erminia, do not mock my misery,
For though you cannot love, yet pity me ;
That you allow my Passion no return,
Is weight enough, you need not add your Scorn,
In this your Cruelty is too severe.
Er. Alcippus, you mistake me every where.
Akip. To whom, Emutua, do I owe this Fate?
Er. To morrow all her story I'll relate.
Till then the promise I the Princess made,
I beg you would permit might be obey'd.
Akip. You, Madam, with so many charms assail,
You need not question but you shall prevail ;
Thy power's not lessen'd in thy being mine,
But much augmented in my being thine,
The glory of my chains may raise me more,
But I am still that Slave I was before. \Exeunt severally.
SCENE IV. Philander's Bed-chamber.
Enter Philander and Alcander. [The Prince half undrest.
Phi. What's a Clock, Alcander ?
Alcan. 'Tis midnight, Sir, will you not go to bed ?
sc. iv] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 317
Phi. To bed, Friend ; what to do ?
Alcan. To sleep, Sir, as you were wont to do.
Phi. Sleep, and Erminia have abandon'd me ;
I'll never sleep again.
Alcan. This is an humour, Sir, you must forsake.
Phi. Never, never, oh Alcander.
Dost know where my Erminia lies to night ?
Alcan. I guess, Sir.
Phi. Where ? Nay, prithee speak,
Indeed I shall not be offended at it.
Alcan. I know not why you should, Sir ;
She's where she ought, abed with young Alcippus.
Phi. Thou speak'st thy real Thoughts.
Alcan. Why should your Highness doubt it?
Phi. By Heaven, there is no faith in Woman-kind ;
Alcander^ dost thou know an honest Woman ?
Alcan. Many, Sir.
Phi. I do not think it, 'tis impossible ;
Erminia^ if it could have been, were she,
But she has broke her Vows, which I held sacred,
And plays the wanton in another's arms.
Alcan. Sir, do you think it just to wrong her so?
Phi. Oh, would thou couldst persuade me that I did so.
Thou know'st the Oaths and Vows she made to me,
Never to marry other than my self,
And you, Alcander^ wrought me to believe them.
But now her Vows to marry none but me,
Are given to Alcippus y and in his bosom breath'd,
With balmy whispers, whilst the ravisht Youth
For every syllable returns a kiss,
And in the height of all his extasy,
Philanders dispossess'd and quite forgotten.
Ah, charming Maid, is this your Love to me ?
Yet now thou art no Maid, nor lov'st not me,
And I the fool to let thee know my weakness.
ALun. Why do you thus proceed to vex your self?
3 1 8 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT n
Tb question what you list, and answer what you please ?
Sir, this is not the way to be at ease.
Phi. Ah, dear Akander, what would'st have me do?
Alcan. Do that which may preserve you ;
Do that which every Man in love would do ;
Make it your business to possess the object.
Phi. What meanest thou, is she not married ?
Alcan. What then ? she'as all about her that she had,
Of Youth and Beauty she is Mistress still,
And may dispose it how and where she will.
Phi. Pray Heaven I do not think too well of thee :
What means all this discourse, art thou honest?
Alcan. As most Men of my Age.
Phi. And wouldst thou counsel me to such a Sin ?
For I do understand thee.
Alcan. I know not what you term so.
Phi. I never thought thou'dst been so great a Villain,
To urge me to a crime would damn us all ;
Why dost thou smile, hast thou done well in this?
Alcan. I thought so, or Pad kept it to my self.
Sir, e'er you grow in rage at what I've said,
Do you think I love you, or believe my life
Were to be valued more than your repose ?
You seem to think it is not.
Phi. Possibly I may.
Alcan. The sin of what I have propos'd to you
You only seem to hate : Sir, is it so ?
If such religious thoughts about you dwell,
Why is it that you thus perplex your self?
Self-murder sure is much the greater sin.
Erminia too you say has broke her Vows,
She that will swear and lye, will do the rest.
And of these evils, this I think the least ;
And as for me, I never thought it sin.
Phi. And canst thou have so poor a thought of her ?
Alcan. I hope you'll find her, Sir, as willing to't
sc. iv] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 319
As I am to suppose it ; nay, believe't,
She'll look upon't as want of Love and Courage
Should you not now attempt it;
You know, Sir, there's no other remedy,
Take no denial, but the Game pursue,
For what she will refuse, she wishes you.
Phi. With such pretensions she may angry grow.
Alcan. I never heard of any that were so,
For though the will to do't, and power they want,
They love to hear of what they cannot grant.
Phi. No more,
Is this your duty to your Prince, Akander?
You were not wont to counsel thus amiss,
'Tis either Disrespect or some Design ;
I could be wondrous angry with thee now,
But that my Grief has such possession here,
'Twill make no room for Rage.
Alcan. I cannot, Sir, repent of what I've said,
Since all the errors which I have committed
Are what my passion to your interest led me to,
But yet I beg your Highness would recal
That sense which would persuade you 'tis unjust.
Phi. Name it no more, and I'll forgive it thee.
Alcan. I can obey you, Sir.
Phi. What shall we do to night, I cannot sleep.
Alcan. I'm good at watching, and doing any thing.
Phi. We'll serenade the Ladies and the Bride.
The first we may disturb, but she I fear
Keeps watch with me to night, though not like me.
Enter a Page of the Prince's.
Phi. How now, Boy,
Is the Musick ready which I spoke for ?
Page. They wait your Highness's command.
Phi. Bid them prepare, I'm coming. [Ex. Page.
Soft touches may allay the Discords here,
And sweeten, though not lessen my Despair. [Exeunt.
320 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT 11
SCENE V. The Court Gallery.
Enter Pisaro alone.
Pis. Ha ! who's that ? a Lover, on my life,
This amorous malady reigns every where ;
Nor can my Sister be an ignorant
Of what I saw this night in Galatea:
I'll question her Sister, Aminta, Sister.
\Calh as at her Lodgings.
Enter Lysette.
Lys. Who calls my Lady ?
Pis. Where's my Sister?
Lys. I cry your Lordship's mercy;
My Lady lies not in her Lodgings to night;
The Princess sent for her,
Her Highness is not well. [She goes in.
Pis. I do believe it, good night, Lysette.
Enter a Page.
Who's there ?
Page. Your Lordship's Page.
Pis. Where hast thou been ? I wanted thee but now.
Page. I fell asleep i'th' Lobby, Sir, and had not waken'd
Yet, but for the Musick which plays at the Lodgings
Of my Lady Erminia.
Pis. Curse on them ; will they not allow him nights
to himself; 'tis hard.
This night I'm wiser grown by observation,
My Love and Friendship taught me jealousy,
Which like a cunning Spy brought in intelligence
From every eye less wary than its own ;
They told me that the charming Galatea^
In whom all power remains,
Is yet too feeble to encounter Love ;
I find she has receiv'd the wanton God,
Maugre my fond opinion of her Soul.
And 'tis my Friend too that's become my Rival.
sc. vi] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 321
I saw her lovely Eyes still turn on him,
As Flowers to th' Sun : and when he turn'd away
Like those she bow'd her charming head again.
On th' other side the Prince with dying looks
Each motion watch'd of fair Erminia's eyes,
Which she returned as greedily again,
And if one glance t' Alcippus she directed,
He'd stare as if he meant to cut his throat for't.
Well, Friend^ thou hast a sure defence of me,
My Love is yet below my Amity. \_Ex.
SCENE VI. Draws off", discovers Philander and Alcander
with Musick at the Chamber-door <?/"Erminia ; to them
Pisaro, -who listens whilst the Song is sung.
The Song for the Page to sing at Erminia's Chamber-
door.
Amintas that true-hearted Swain
Upon a River's bank was laid.
Where to the pitying streams he did complain
Of Sylvia that false charming Maid,
But she was still regardless of his pain :
Oh faithless Sylvia ! would he cry.
And what he said the Echoes would reply.
Be kind or else I die, E. I die.
Be kind or else I die, E. I die.
A shower of tears his eyes let fait \
Which in the River made impress,
Then sigh'd, and Sylvia false again would call,
A cruel faithless Shepherdess.
Is Love with you become a criminal?
Ah lay aside this needless scorn,
Allow your poor Adorer some return,
Consider how I burn, E. I burn.
Consider, &c.
Ill Y
322 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACTII
Those Smiles and Kisses which you give,
Remember, Sylvia, are my due ;
And. all the Joys my Rival does receive
He ravishes from me, not you.
Ah Sylvia, can I live and this believe ?
Insensibles are touched to see
My languishments, and seem to pity me.
Which I demand of thee, E. of thee,
Which I demand, &c.
Pis. What's all this?
Phi. Who's there ?
Pis. A Man, a Friend to the General.
Phi. Then thou'rt an Enemy to all good Men.
Does the ungrateful Wretch hide his own head,
And send his Spies abroad ?
Pis. He is too great to fear, and needs them not :
And him thou termest so, scorns the Office too.
Phi. What makest thou here then, when the whole
World's asleep ?
Be gone, there lies thy way, where'er thy business be.
Pis. It lies as free for thee, and here's my business.
Phi. Thou lyest, rude man.
Pis. Why, what art thou darest tell me so i'th' dark ?
Day had betray'd thy blushes for this Boldness.
Phi. Tell me who 'tis that dares capitulate ?
Pis. One that dares make it good.
Phi. Draw then, and keep thy word.
Alcan. Stand by, and let me do that duty, Sir.
[He steps between them, they fight, Pisarofa/h.
Here's thy reward, whoe'er thou art.
Phi. Hast thou no hurt?
Alcan. I think not much, yet somewhere 'tis I bleed.
Pis. What a dull beast am I! [Exeunt Prince and Alcan.
Enter Page.
Page. My Lord, is't you are fallen ?
Help, Murder ! Murder !
sc. vn] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 323
Pis. Hold, bawling Dog.
Enter Alcippus in a Night-gown, with a Sword in his
hand, a Page with Lights.
A kip. 'Twas hereabouts who's this, Pisaro wounded?
[He looks up.
How cam'st thou thus? Come up into my Arms.
Pis. 'Twas Jealousy, Alcippus, that wild Monster,
Who never leaves us till he has thus betray'd us.
Pox on't, I am asham'd to look upon thee.
I have disturb'd you to no purpose, Sir.
I am not wounded, go to bed again.
Alcan. I'll see thee to thy Lodgings first, Pisaro.
Pis. 'Twill be unkind both to your self and me. [Exeunt.
SCENE VII. The Court Gallery.
Enter Philander and Alcander with a Light.
Alcan. He's gone, whoe'er he be.
Phi. It could not be Alcippus.
Alcan. I rather fear Pisaro,
But we soon enough shall know : Who's this?
Enter Erminia in her Night-gown, and Isillia with Lights.
Er. Methought I heard Alcippus and the Prince
Before the cry 01 Murder.
I die if those two Rivals have encounter'd.
Phi. Ah, Madam, cease that fear, they both are safe
From all but from the Wounds which you have given them.
Er. Oh Gods, what make you here ! and where 's
Alcippus ?
Phi. Where I had been had Heaven been bountiful.
Er. Alas, Sir, what do you mean ? what have you done ?
And where have you bestow'd him ?
Phi. Why all this high concern, Erminia f
Has he so reconcil'd you to him since I saw you last ?
This is not kind to me.
324 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT n
Er. Oh, tell me not of kindness, where's Alcippus?
Alcan. Madam, of whom do you demand Alcippus?
Neither of us have seen him.
Phi. Go, you are a Woman, a vain peevish Creature.
Er. Sir, 'tis but just you should excuse my Fear,
Alcippus is my Husband, and his Safety
Ought to become my care.
Phi. How, Erminia!
Can you so soon yield up my right to him,
And not blush whilst you own your Perjury ?
Er. Now, Sir, you are much to blame ;
I could have borne the rest, but this concerns me :
I fear I have but too well kept my Vows with you,
Since you are grown but to suspect I have not.
Phi. Pardon me, Dear, the errors of my Passion ;
It was a Sin so natural,
That even thy unkindly taking it
Approach'd too near it, not to gain my Pardon ;
But tell me why you askt me for Alcippus ?
Er. Sir, e'er I could dispose my Eyes to sleep,
I heard the Musick at my Chamber-door,
And such a Song as could be none but yours ;
But that was finish'd in a noise less pleasant,
In that of Swords and Quarrel ;
And amongst which,
I thought I heard yours and Alclppu? Voice :
(For I have kept my word, and lay not with him)
This brought me hither ; but if I mistook,
Once more I beg your pardon.
Phi. Thou hast restor'd me to a world of Joys,
By what thou now hast said.
Enter Alcippus, his Sword in his Hand, a Page with
Light) he stands a while.
Alcip. Erminia! and the Prince! embracing too!
I dream, and know she could not be thus base,
sc. vn] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 325
Thus false and loose
But here I am inform'd it is no Vision ;
This was design'd before, I find it now.
[Lays his hand on his heart.
Er. Alcippus, oh my fears !
[Goes to them, takes her by the hand.
Alcip. Yes, Madam,
Too soon arriv'd for his and your repose.
Phi. Alcippus, touch her not.
Alcip. Not touch her ! by Heaven, I will,
And who shall hinder me ?
Who is't dares say I shall not touch my Wife ?
Phi. Villain, thou ly'st.
Alcip. That y'are my Prince shall not defend you here.
Draw, Sir, for I have laid respect aside.
[Strikes j they fight a little, Alcippus is
wounded, Alcander supports him.
Er. Oh Gods, what mean you? hold, Philander, hold.
Phi. Life of my Soul, retire, .
I cannot hear that Voice and disobey ;
And you must needs esteem him at low rates,
Who sells thee and his Honour for a Tear.
Er. Upon my knees I beg to be obey'd, [She kneels.
But if I must not, here discharge your Anger.
Phi. You are too great a Tyrant where you may.
[Exeunt Erminia and Alcippus.
Phi. Stay, shall I let her go ? shall her Commands,
Though they have power to take my Life away,
Have force to suffer me to injure her?
Shall she be made a prey, and I permit it,
Who only have the interest to forbid it?
No, let me be accurst then. [Offers to follow.
A lean. What mean you, Sir?
Phi. Force the bold Ravisher to resign my Right.
Alcander, is not she-my Wife, and I his Prince?
Alcan. 'Tis true, Sir :
326 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT in
And y'ave both power and justice on your side;
And there are times to exercise 'em both.
Phi. Fitter than this, Akander?
A lean. This night Erminia's Promise may repose you;
To morrow is your own
Till then I beg you'd think your interest safe.
Phi. Akander, thou hast peace about thee, and canst
judge
Better than I, 'twixt what is just and fit.
[Puts up bis Sword.
I hitherto believ'd my Flame was guided
By perfect Reason : so we often find
Vessels conducted by a peaceful Wind,
And meet no opposition in their way,
Cut a safe passage through the flattering Sea :
But when a Storm the bounding Vessel throws,
It does each way with equal rage oppose ;
For when the Seas are mad, could that be calm
Like me, it wou'd be ruin'd in the Storm. [Exeunt.
ACT III.
SCENE I. The apartments 0/"Alcippus.
Enter Alcippus and Pisaro.
Pis. 'Tis much, my Lord, you'll not be satisfy'd.
Alcip. Friendship's too near a-kin to Love, Pisaro,
To leave me any Peace, whilst in your Eyes
I read Reserves, which 'tis not kind to hide ;
Come, prithee tell me what the quarrel was,
And who 'twas with ; thou shalt, my dear Pisaro.
Pis. Nay, now you urge me to impossibilites :
Good faith, I cannot tell, but guess the Prince.
Alcip. 'Tis true, Pisaro, 'twas indeed the Prince.
But what was th' occasion ?
Pis. He call'd me Spy, and I return'd th' affront,
But took no notice that he was my Prince :
sc. i] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 327
It was a Folly I repented of;
But 'twas in a damn'd melancholy Mood.
Alclp. Was it a going in or coming out ?
Pis. From whence ?
Alcip. Erminias Chamber ; prithee let me know,
For I have fears that take away my sleep,
Fears that will make me mad, stark mad, Pisaro.
Pis. You do not well to fear without a cause.
Alcip. O Friend, I saw what thou canst ne'er conceive;
Last night I saw it when I came from thee :
And if thou go'st about t' impose upon me,
I'll cast thee from my Soul. Come out with it,
I see thy breast heave with a generous ardour,
As if it scorn'd to harbour a reserve,
Which stood not with its Amity to me.
Could I but know my Fate, I could despise it :
But when 'tis clad in Robes of Innocence,
The Devil cannot 'scape it : Something
Was done last night that gnaws my heart-strings ;
And many things the Princess too let fall,
Which, Gods ! I know not how to put together.
And prithee be not thou a Ridler too :
But if thou knew'st of ought that may concern me,
Make me as wise as thou art.
Pis. Sir, you are of so strange a jealous Humour,
And I so strangely jealous of your Honour,
That 'twixt us both we may make work enough ;
But on my Soul I know no wrong you have.
Alcip. I must believe thee, yet methinks thy Face
Has put on an unwonted gravity.
Pis. That, Alcippus, you'll not wonder at,
When you shall know you are my Rival.
Alcip. Nay, why shouldst thou delay me thus with stories?
This shall not put me off.
Pis. Sir, I'm in earnest, you have gain'd that Heart,
For which I have receiv'd so many wounds;
328 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR [ACT in
Venturing for Trophies where none durst appear,
To gain at my Return one single smile,
Or that she would submit to hear my story :
And when sh' has said, 'twas bravely done, Pisaro,
I thought the Glory recompens'd the Toil ;
And sacrific'd my Laurels at her feet,
Like those who pay their first-fruits to the Gods,
To beg a blessing on the following Crop :
And never made her other signs of Love,
Nor knew I that I had that easy flame,
Till by her Eyes I found that she was mortal,
And could love too, and that my Friend is you.
Alcip. Thou hast amaz'd me, prithee speak more clearly.
Pis. My Lord, the Princess has a passion for you,
Have I not reason now to be your Enemy ?
Alcip. Not till I make returns :
But now I'm past redemption miserable.
'Twas she Erminia told me dy'd for me ;
And I believ'd it but a slight of hers,
To put me from my Courtship.
Pis. No, 'twas a fatal Truth :
Alcippus, hadst thou seen her, whilst the Priest
Was giving thee to fair Erminla,
What languishment appear'd upon her Eyes,
Which never were remov'd from thy lov'd Face,
Through which her melting Soul in drops distill'd,
As if she meant to wash away thy Sin,
In giving up that Right belong'd to her,
Thou hadst without my aid found out this truth :
A sweet composure dwelt upon her looks,
Like Infants who are smiling whilst they die ;
Nor knew she that she wept, so unconcern'd
And freely did her Soul a passage find ;
Whilst I transported had almost forgot
The Reverence due t' her sacred self and Place,
And every moment ready was to kneel,
sc. i] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 329
And with my lips gather the precious drops,
And rob the Holy Temple of a Relick,
Fit only there t' inhabit.
Alcip. I never thought thou'dst had this Softness in thee.
How cam'st thou, Friend, to hide all this from me?
Pis. My Lord, I knew not that I was a Lover ;
I felt no flame, but a religious Ardour,
That did inspire my Soul with adoration ;
And so remote I was from ought but such,
I knew not Hope, nor what it was to wish
For other blessings than to gaze upon her :
Like Heaven I thought she was to be possess'd,
Where carnal Thoughts can no admittance find ;
And had I not perceiv'd her Love to you,
I had not known the nature bf my flame :
But then I found it out by Jealousy,
And what I took for a Seraphick motion,
I now decline as criminal and earthly.
Alcip. When she can love to a discovery,
It shows her Passion eminent and high ;
But I am married to a Maid that hates me :
What help for that, Pisaro?
And thou hast something too to say of her,
What was't? for now thou hast undone me quite.
Pis. I have nought to say to her dishonour, Sir,
But something may be done may give you cause
To stand upon your Guard ;
And if your Rage do not the mastery get,
I cannot doubt but what you'll be happy yet.
Alcip. Without Erminia that can hardly be,
And yet I find a certain shame within
That will not suffer me to see the Princess;
I have a kind of War within my Soul,
My Love against my Glory and my Honour ;
And I could wish, alas, I know not what :
Prithee instruct me.
330 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR [ACT in
Pis. Sir, take a resolution to be calm,
And not like Men in love abandon Reason.
You may observe the actions of these Lovers,
But be not passionate whate'er you find ;
That headstrong Devil will undo us all ;
If you'll be happy, quit its company.
Alcip. I fain would take thy counsel [Pauses.
Pis. Come, clear up, my Lord, and do not hang the head
Like Flowers in storms ; the Sun will shine again.
Set Galatea's Charms before your Eyes,
Think of the Glory to divide a Kingdom;
And do not waste your noble Youth and Time
Upon a peevish Heart you cannot gain.
This day you must to th' Camp, and in your absence
I'll take upon me what I scorn'd last night,
The Office of a Spy
Believe me, Sir, for by the Gods I swear,
I never wish'd the glory of a Conquest
With half that zeal as to compose these differences.
Alcip. I do believe thee, and will tell thee something
That past between the Prince and I last night;
And then thou wilt conclude me truly miserable. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. The Palace.
Enter Falatius, Labree, as passing by they meet Cleontius.
Cle. Your Servant, my Lord.
So coldly, stay your reason, Sir.
[Fal. puts off 'his Hat a little, and passes on.
Fal. How mean you, Sir?
Cle. Do you not know me ?
Fal. Yes, I have seen you, and think you are Cleontius,
A Servant of the Prince's ; wert i'th' Campania too,
If I mistake not.
Cle. Can you recal me by no better instances?
Fal. What need of any, pray ?
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 331
Cle. I am a Gentleman.
Fa!. Ha, Labree, what means he now ?
By Jove, I do not question it, Cleontius :
What need this odd Punctilio ?
I call thee to no account.
Cle. That's more than I can say to you, Sir.
Fa/. I'll excuse you for that.
Cle. But shall not need, Sir ; stay, I have a Sister.
Fal. Oh, the Devil, now he begins.
Cle. A handsome Sister too, or you deceiv'd her.
Lab. Bear up, Sir, be not huft. [Aside.
Fal. It may be so, but is she kind, Cleontius ?
[Fal. bears up.
Cle. What mean you by that word ?
Lab. Again, Sir, here's two to- one. [Aside.
Fal. Will she do reason, or so ? you understand me.
Cle. I understand that thou'rt an impudent fellow,
Whom I must cudgel into better manners.
Fal. Pox on't, who bears up now, Labree?
Cle. Beat thee till thou confess thou art an Ass,
And on thy knees confess it to Isillia,
Who after that shall scorn thee.
Lab. Railly with him, Sir, 'tis your only way, and put it
Off with a jest ; for he's in fury, but dares not
Strike i'th' Court.
Fal. But must you needs do this, needs fight, Cleontius ?
Cle. Yes, by all means, I find my self inclin'd to't.
Fal. You shall have your desire, Sir, farewel.
Cle. When, and where?
Fal. Faith, very suddenly, for I think it will not be
Hard to find men of your trade,
Men that will fight as long as you can do,
And Men that love it much better than I,
Men that are poor and damn'd, fine desperate Rogues,
Rascals that for a Pattacoon a Man
Will fight their Fathers,
332 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR [ACTIII
And kiss their Mothers into peace again :
Such, Sir, I think will fit you.
Cle. Abusive Coward, hast thou no sense of honour ?
Fa!. Sense of honour ! ha, ha, ha, poor Cleontius.
Enter Aminta and Olinda.
Am. How now, Servant, why so jovial ?
Fal. I was laughing, Madam at
Cle. At what, thou thing of nothing
Am. Cousin Cleontius, you are angry.
Cle. Madam, it is unjustly then, for Fools
Should rather move the Spleen to Mirth than Anger.
Am. You've too much wit to take ought ill from him :
Let's know your quarrel.
Fal. By Jove, Labree, I am undone again.
Cle. Madam, it was about
Fal. Hold, dear Cleontius, hold, and I'll do any thing.
[Aside.
Cle. Just nothing
Fal. He was a little too familiar with me.
Cle. Madam, my Sister hillia
Fal. A curse, he will out with it
[Aside, pulls him by the Arm.
Cle. Confess she is your Mistress. [Aside.
Fal. I call my Mistress, Madam.
Am. My Cousin Isillia your Mistress !
Upon my word, you are a happy Man.
Fal. By Jove, if she be your Cousin, Madam,
I love her much the better for't.
Am. I am beholding to you,
But then it seems I have lost a Lover of you.
Cle. Confess she has, or I'll so handle you. [Ex. Labree.
Fal. That's too much, Cleontius but I will,
By Jove, Madam, I must not have a Mistress that
Has more Wit than my self, they ever require
More than a Man's able to give them.
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 333
OK. Is this your way of Courtship to hillia f \_Ex. Cle.
Fal. By Jove, Ladies, you get no more of that from me,
'Tis that has spoiled you all ; I find Alcander can
Do more with a dumb show, than I with all my
Applications and Address.
Oil. Why, my Brother can speak.
Fal. Yes, if any body durst hear him ; by Jove, if you
Be not kind to him, he'll hector you all ; I'll get
The way on't too, 'tis the most prosperous one ; I see no
Other reason you have to love Alcander
Better than I.
Am. Why should you think I do ?
Fal. Devil, I see't well enough by your continual
Quarrels with him.
Am. Is that so certain a proof?
Fal. Ever while you live, you treat me too
Well ever to hope.
Enter Alcander, kneels, offers his Sword to Aminta.
What new Masquerade's this ? by Jove, Alcander
Has more tricks than a dancing Bear.
Am. What mean you by this present?
A/can. Kill me.
Am. What have you done to merit it ?
Alcan. Do not ask, but do't.
Am. I'll have a reason first.
Alcan. I think I've kill'd Pisaro.
Am. My Brother dead ! [She falls into the arms ofO\i.
Fal. Madam, look up, 'tis I that call.
Am. I care not who thou beest, but if a Man,
Revenge me on Alcander. [She goes out with Oli.
Fal. By Jove, she has mistook her Man.
This 'tis to be a Lover now :
A Man's never out of one broil or other ;
But I have more Wit than Aminta this bout. [Offers to go.
Alcan. Come back and do your duty e'er you go.
[Pulls him.
334 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR [ACTIII
Fa/. I owe you much, Alcander.
Alcan. Am'inta said you should revenge her on me.
Fal. Her Word's not Law I hope.
Alcan. And I'll obey
Fal. That may do much indeed.
[Fal. answers with great signs of fear.
Alcan. This, if thou wert a Man, she bad thee do,
Why dost thou shake ?
Fal. No, no, Sir, I am not the man she meant.
Alcan. No matter, thou wilt serve as well.
A Lover! and canst disobey thy Mistress?
Fal. I do disown her, since she is so wicked
To bid me kill my Friend.
Why, thou'rt my Friend, Alcander.
Alcan. I'll forgive thee that.
Fal. So will not his Majesty : I may be hang'd for't.
Alcan. Thou should'st be damn'd e'er disobey thy
Mistress.
Fal. These be degrees of Love I am not yet arriv'd at;
When I am, I shall be as ready to be damn'd
In honour as any Lover of you all.
Alcan. Ounds, Sir, d'ye railly with me?
Fal. Your pardon, sweet Alcander^ I protest I am
Not in so gay an humour.
Alcan. Farewell, I had forgot my self. [Exit.
Fal. Stark mad, by Jove yet it may be not, for Alcander
has many unaccountable humours.
Well, if this be agreeable to Aminta, she's e'en as mad
As he, and 'twere great pity to part them.
Enter Pisaro, Aminta, and Olinda.
Am. Well, have you kill'd him ?
Fal. Some wiser than some, Madam.
My Lord what, alive ?
[Sees Pisaro, runs to him, and embraces him.
Pis. Worth two dead men, you see.
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 335
Fal. That's more than I could have said within
This half hour. Akander'savery Orlando^ by Jove, and gone
To seek out one that's madder yet than himself
That will kill him.
Am. Oh, dear Falatius, run and fetch him back.
Fal. Madam, I have so lately 'scap'd a scouring,
That I wish you would take it for a mark
Of my Passion to disobey you;
For he is in a damn'd humour.
Am. He's out of it by this, I warrant you ;
But do not tell him that Pisaro lives.
Fa!. That's as I shall find occasion. [Exit Fal.
Pis. Alcander is a worthy Youth and brave,
I wish you would esteem him so ;
'Tis true, there's now some difference between us,
Our Interests are dispos'd to several ways,
But Time and Management will join us all :
I'll leave you ; but prithee make it thy business
To get my Pardon for last night's rudeness.
Am. I shall not fail. \_Exit Pis.
Re-enter Falatius, with Alcander melancholy.
Fal. Here, Madam, here he is.
Am. Tell me, Alcander, why you treat me thus?
You say you love me, if I could believe you.
A lean. Believe a Man ! away, you have no wit,
I'll say as much to every pretty Woman.
Am. But I have given you no cause to wrong me.
A lean. That was my Fate, not Fault, I knew him not :
But yet to make up my offence to you,
I offer you my life ; for I'm undone,
If any faults of mine should make you sad.
Am. Here, take your Sword again, my Brother's well.
[She gives him his Sword again.
Fal. Yes, by Jove, as I am : you had been finely serv'd,
If I had kill'd you now.
336 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR [ACTIII
Am. What, sorry for the news? ha, ha, ha.
Alcan. No, sorry y'are a Woman, a mere Woman.
Am. Why, did you ever take me for a Man ? ha, ha.
Alcan. Thy Soul, I thought, was all so ; but I see
You have your weakness, can dissemble too ;
I would have sworn that Sorrow in your face
Had been a real one :
Nay, you can die in jest, you can, false Woman :
I hate thy Sex for this.
Fal. By Jove, there is no truth in them, that's flat.
[She looks sad.
Alcan. Why that repentant look? what new design?
Come, now a tear or two to second that,
And I am soft again, a very Ass.
But yet that Look would call a Saint from th' Altar,
And make him quite forget his Ceremony,
Or take thee for his Deity :
But yet thou hast a very Hell within,
Which those bewitching Eyes draw Souls into.
Fal. Here's he that fits you, Ladies.
Am. Nay, now y'are too unjust, and I will leave you.
Alcan. Ah, do not go, I know not by what Magick,
[Holds her.
But as you move, my Soul yields that way too.
Fal. The truth on't is, she has a strong magnetick
Power, that I find.
Alcan. But I would have none find it but my self,
No Soul but mine shall sympathize with hers.
Fal. Nay, that you cannot help.
Alcan. Yes, but I can, and take it from thee, if I thought
it did so.
OH. No quarrels here, I pray.
Fal. Madam, I owe a Reverence to the Place.
Alcan. I'll scarce allow thee that;
Madam, I'll leave you to your Lover.
Am. I hate thee but for saying so.
sc. in] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 337
Alcan. Quit him then.
Am. So I can and thee too. \0ffers to go out.
Alcan. The Devil take me if you escape me so.
[Goes after her.
Fa/. And I'll not be out-done in importunity.
[Goes after.
SCENE III. Galatea's Apartments.
Enter Galatea and Erminia.
Er. And 'tis an act below my Quality,
Which, Madam, will not suffer me to fly.
Gal. Erminia^ e'er you boast of what you are,
Since you're so high I'll tell you what you were :
Your Father was our General 'tis true,
That Title justly to his Sword was due ;
'Twas nobly gain'd, and worth his Blood and Toils,
Had he been satisfied with noble Spoils :
But with that single honour not content,
He needs must undermine the Government;
And 'cause h'ad gain'd the Army to his side,
Believ'd his Treason must be justify'd.
For this (and justly) he was banished ;
Where whilst a low and unknown life he led,
Far from the hope and glory of a Throne,
In a pfoor humble Cottage you were born ;
Your early Beauty did it self display,
Nor could no more conceal it self than Day :
Your Eyes did first Philander 1 s Soul inspire,
And Fortune too conform'd her to his fire.
That made your Father greater than before,
And what he justly lost that did restore.
'Twas that which first thy Beauty did disclose,
Which else had wither'd like an unseen Rose ;
'Twas that which brought thee to the Court, and there
Dispos'd thee next my self, i'th' highest Sphere :
III z
338 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT in
Alas, obscurely else thou'dst liv'd and died,
Not knowing thy own Charms, nor yet this Pride.
Er. Madam, in this your Bounty is severe,
Be pleas'd to spare that repetition here.
I hope no Action of my Life should be
So rude to charge your Generosity :
But, Madam, do you think it just to pay
Your great Obligements by so false a way ?
Alcippus* Passion merits some return,
And should that prove but an ingrateful scorn ?
Alas, I am his Wife ; to disobey,
My Fame as well as Duty I betray.
Gal. Perfidious Maid, I might have thought thou'dst
prove
False to thy Prince, and Rival in my Love.
I thought too justly he that conquer'd me
Had a sufficient power to captive thee ;
Thou'st now reveng'd thy Father's shame and thine,
In taking thus Philander s Life and mine. [Er. weeps.
Er. Ah, Madam, that you would believe my tears,
Or from my Vows but satisfy your Fears.
By all the Gods, Akippus I do hate,
And would do any thing to change my fate ;
Ought that were just and noble I dare do.
Gal. Enough, Eminia, I must credit you,
And will no other proof of it require,
But that you'll now submit to my desire ;
Indeed, Erminia, you must grant my suit,
Where Love and Honour calls, make no dispute.
Pity a Youth that never lov'd before,
Remember 'tis a Prince that does adore ;
Who offers up a Heart that never found
It could receive, till from your Eyes, a wound.
Er. To your command should I submit to yield,
Where could I from Alcippus be conceal'd ?
What could defend me from his jealous Rage ?
sc. in] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 339
Gal. Trust me, Erminia^ I'll for that engage.
Er. And then my Honour by that flight's o'erthrown.
Gal. That being Phi lander* s, he'll preserve his own ;
And that, Erminia, sure you'll ne'er distrust.
Er. Ah, Madam, give me leave to fear the worst.
Enter Aminta.
Am. Madam, Alcippus waits for your Commands,
He's going to the Camp.
Gal. Admit him.
Enter Alcippus and Pisaro.
Gal. AlcippuSy 'tis too soon to leave Erminia.
Alcip. I wish she thought so, Madam,
Or could believe with what regret I do so ;
She then would think the fault were much too small
For such a Penance as my Soul must suffer.
Am. No matter, Sir, you have the Year before you.
Alcip. Yes, Madam, so has every Galley Slave,
That knows his Toil, but not his Recompence :
To morrow I expect no more content,
Than this uneasy Day afforded me ;
And all before me is but one grand piece
Of endless Grief and Madness:
You, Madam, taught Erminia to be cruel,
A Vice without your aid she could have learnt;
And now to exercise that new taught Art,
She tries the whole experience on my Heart.
Gal. If she do so, she learnt it not of me,
I love, and therefore know no Cruelty :
Such outrage cannot well with Love reside,
Which only is the mean effect of Pride :
I merit better thoughts from you, Alcippus.
Alcip. Pardon me, Madam, if my Passion stray
Beyond the limits of my high respect ; \He kneels.
'Tis a rude gust, and merits your reproaches :
But yet the saucy Flame can ne'er controul
34O THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT in
That Adoration which I owe my Princess :
That, with Religion, took possession here,
And in my Prayers I mix with you the Deities.
Gal. Fad rather you should treat me as a Mortal,
Rise and begin to do so. [He rises and bows.
Alc'ip. Now, Madam, what must I expect from you ?
Er. Alcippus, all that's to your Virtue due.
Alc'ip. In that but common Justice you allow.
Er. That Justice, Sir, is all I can bestow.
Alcip. In justice then you ought to me resign,
That which the Holy Priest intitled mine;
Yet that, without your Heart, I do despise,
For uncompell'd I'd have that sacrifice :
Come ease me of that Pain that presses here,
Give me but Hope that may secure my Fear,
I'm not asham'd to own my Soul possest
With Jealousy, that takes away my rest.
Tell me you'll love, or that my Suit is vain,
Do any thing to ease me of my pain.
Gods, Madam, why d'ye keep me in suspence ?
This cannot be the effects of Innocence ;
By Heaven, I'll know the cause, where e'er it lies,
Nor shall you fool me with your feign'd disguise.
Pis. You do forget your promise, and this Presence.
[Aside to Alcip.
Alcip. 'Twas kindly urg'd, prithee be near me still,
And tell me of the faults that look unmanly.
Gal. Dear, if thou lov'st me, flatter him a little.
\_To Er. aside.
Er. 'Tis hard to do, yet I will try it, Madam.
Gal. I'll leave you, that you may the better do so.
I hope, AlcippuS) you'll revisit us
With Lover's speed :
And whatsoever treatment now you find,
At your return you'll find us much more kind.
[He bows, she goes out.
sc. m] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 341
Alcip. Can you forgive the rashness of a Man,
That knows no other Laws but those of Passion ?
Er. You are unkind to think I do not, Sir;
Yes, and am grown so softned by my pity,
That I'm afraid I shall neglect my Vows,
And to return your Passion, grow ingrate.
Alcip. A few more syllables express'd like these,
Will raise my Soul up to the worst extreme,
And give me with your Scorn an equal torment.
Er. See what power your language has upon me.
{Weeps.
Alcip. Ah, do not weep, a tear or two's enough
For the Completion of your Cruelty,
That when it fail'd to exercise your will,
Sent those more powerful Weapons from your Eyes,
And what by your severity you mist of,
These (but a more obliging way) perform.
Gently, Erminia, pour the Balsam in,
That I may live, and taste the sweets of Love.
Ah, should you still continue, as you are,
Thus wondrous good, thus excellently fair,
I should retain my growing name in War,
And all the Glories I have ventur'd for,
And fight for Crowns to recompense thy Bounty.
Thiscan your Smiles; but when those Beamsare clouded,
Alas, I freeze to very Cowardice,
And have not Courage left to kill my self.
Er. A Fate more glorious does that Life attend,
And does preserve you for a nobler end.
Alcip. Erminia, do not sooth my easy Heart,
For thou my Fate, and thou my Fortune art ;
Whatever other blessings Heaven design,
Without my dear Erminia, I'll decline.
Yet, Madam, let me hope before I go,
In pity that you ought to let me do :
'Tis ail you shall allow m' impatient heart.
342 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT iv
Er. That's what against my will I must impart :
But wish it please the Gods, when next we meet,
We might as Friends, and not as Lovers greet. [Exeunt.
ACT IV.
SCENE I. The Palace.
Enter Galatea and Aminta, met by Philander and Alcander.
Phi. So hasty, Sister !
Gal. Brother, I am glad to meet you.
Aminta has some welcome News for you.
Am. My Lord !
Erminia yet is hardly brought to yield ;
She wants but some encouragement from you,
That may assist her weakness to subdue,
And 'twas but faintly she deny'd to see you.
Phi. However, I will venture,
She can but chide, and that will soon be past :
A Lover's Anger is not long to last.
Am. I si Ilia I have won to give you entrance.
Phi. Love furnish me with powerful Arguments :
Direct my Tongue, that my disorder'd Sense
May speak my Passion more than Eloquence. [Aside.
Gal. But is Alcippus gone?
Alcan. Madam, an hour since.
Phi. 'Tis well ; and Sister,
Whilst I persuade Erminia to this flight,
Make it your business to persuade the King,
Hang on his neck, and kiss his willing cheek :
Tell him how much you love him, and then smile,
And mingle Words with Kisses ; 'twill o'ercome him
Thou hast a thousand pretty Flatteries,
Which have appeas'd his highest fits of Passion :
A Song from thee has won him to that rest,
Which neither Toil nor Silence could dispose him to.
Thou know'st thy power, and now or never use it.
sc. i] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 343
Gal. 'Twas thither I was going.
Phi. May'st thou be prosperous.
[Exeunt Phi. and Gal. Aminta and Alcander stay.
Am. What now, Alcander ?
Alcan. As 'twas, Aminta.
Am. How's that ?
Alcan. Such a distracted Lover as you left me.
Am. Such as I found you too, I fear, Alcander.
Alcan. Ah, Madam, do not wrong me so ;
Till now I never knew the joys and sorrows
That do attend a Soul in love like mine :
My Passion only fits the Object now ;
I hate to tell you so, 'tis a poor low means
To gain a Mistress by, of so much wit :
Aminta, you're above that common rate
Of being won.
Mean Beauties should be flatter'd into praise,
Whilst you need only Sighs from every Lover,
To tell you who you conquer, and not how,
Nor to instruct you what attracts you have.
Am. This will not serve to convince me,
But you have lov'd before.
Alcan. And will you never quit that error, Madam?
Am. 'Tis what I've reason to believe, Alcander,
And you can give me none for loving me :
I'm much unlike Lucinda whom you sigh'd for,
I'm not so coy, nor so reserv'd as she ;
Nor so designing as Florana your next Saint,
Who starv'd you up with hope, till you grew weary j
And then Ardelia did restore that loss,
The little soft Ardelia, kind and fair too.
Alcan. You think you're wondrous witty now, Aminta,
But hang me if you be.
Am. Indeed, Alcander, no, 'tis simple truth :
Then for your bouncing Mistress, long Erunttta,
O that majestick Garb, 'tis strangely taking,
344 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT iv
That scornful Look, and Eyes that strike all dead
That stand beneath them.
Alcander, I have none of all these Charms :
But well, you say you love me ; could you be
Content to dismiss these petty sharers in your Heart,
And give it all to me ; on these conditions
I may do much.
Alcan. Aminta, more perhaps than I may like.
Am. Do not fear that, Alcander.
Alcan. Your Jealousy incourages that Fear.
Am. If I be so, I'm the fitter for your humour.
Alcan. That's another reason for my fears; that ill-
Luck owes us a spite, and will be sure to pay us with
loving one another, a thought I dread. Farewel, A 'mint a ;
when I can get loose from Ardelia, I may chance wait
on you, till then your own Pride be your Companion.
[Holds him.
Am. Nay, you shall not go, Alcander.
Alcan. Fy on't, those Looks have lost their wonted
Force,
I knew you'd call me back to smile upon me,
And then you have me sure ; no, no, Aminta,
I'll no more of that. [Goes out.
Am. I have too much betray'd my Passion for him,
I must recal it, if I can I must :
I will for should I yield, my power's o'erthrown,
And what's a Woman when that glory's gone ? [Exit.
SCENE II. The Apartments <?/Alcippus.
Enter Alcippus and Pisaro.
Pis. You seem'd then to be pleas'd with what she said.
Alcip. And then methought I was so,
But yet even then I fear'd she did dissemble.
Gods, what's a Man possest with Jealousy ?
Pis. A strange wild thing, a Lover without reason ;
I once have prov'd the torture on't,
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 345
But as unlike to thine as good from evil ;
Like fire in Limbecks, mine was soft and gentle,
Infusing kindly heat, till it distill'd
The spirits of the Soul out at my Eyes,
And so it ended.
But thine's a raging Fire, which never ceases
Till it has quite destroy'd the goodly Edifice
Where it first took beginning.
Faith, strive, Sir, to suppress it.
Alclp. No, I'll let it run to its extent,
And see what then 'twill do.
Perhaps 'twill make me mad, or end my life,
Either of which will ease me.
Pis. Neither of these, Akippus ;
It will unman you, make you too despis'd ;
And those that now admire will pity you.
A kip. What wouldst thou have me do?
Am I not ty'd a Slave to follow Love,
Whilst at my back Freedom and Honour waits,
And I have lost the power to welcome them?
Like those who meet a Devil in the night,
And all afrighted gaze upon the Fury,
But dare not turn their backs to what they fear,
Though safety lie behind them.
Alas ! I would as willingly as those
Fly from this Devil, Love.
Pis. You may, like those afrighted, by degrees
Allay your sense of terror in the Object,
And then its Power will lesson with your Fear,
And 'twill be easy to forgo the Fantasm.
Alcip. No, then like the damn'd Ghost it follows me.
Pis. Let Reason then approach it, and examine it.
Alcip. Love is a surly and a lawless Devil,
And will not answer Reason.
I must encounter it some other way,
For I will lay the Fiend.
346 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT iv
Pis. What would you have, Alcippus?
Alcip. I'd have fair play, Pisaro.
I find the cheat, and will not to the Camp;
Thou shalt supply my place, and I'll return :
The Night grows on, and something will be done
That I must be acquainted with.
Pis. Pardon me, Sir, if I refuse you here;
I find you're growing up to Jealousies,
Which I'll not trust alone with you.
Alcip. Thou know'st perhaps of something worthy it.
Pis. I must confess, your Passions give me cause,
If I had any Secrets, to conceal them ;
But 'tis no time nor place to make disputes in :
Will you to Horse ?
Alcip. Will you not think fit I should return then ?
I can be calm.
Pis. What is't you mean by this return, Alcippus?
Alcip. To see Ertninia t is not that enough
To one in love, as I am ?
Pis. But, Sir, suppose you find Philander there ?
Alcip. Then I suppose I shall not much approve on't.
Pis. You would be at your last night's rage again.
Alcippus^ this will ruin you for ever,
Nor is it all the Power you think you have
Can save you, if he once be disoblig'd.
Believe me 'twas the Princess' passion for you
Made up that breach last night.
Alcip. All this I know as well as you, Pisaro y
But will not be abus'd ; alas, I'm lost :
Could I recal these two last days are past,
Ah, I should be my self again, Pisaro.
I would refuse these Fetters which I wear,
And be a Slave to nothing but to Glory.
Pis. That were a Resolution worthy of you.
But come, 'tis late, what you resolve conclude.
Alcip. I am resolv'd I will not to the Camp,
sc. iv] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 347
A secret inclination does persuade me
To visit my Erminia to night.
Pis. Comes it from Love or Jealousy ?
A kip. The first, good faith, Pisaro , thou'rt so fearful
You shall to th' Camp before,
And I'll be with you early in the Morning.
Ph. Give me your hand, and promise to be calm.
Alclp. By all our Friendships, as the Western Winds,
[Gives his hand.
Nothing that's done shall e'er inrage me more,
Honour's the Mistress I'll henceforth adore. [Exit.
Pis. I will not trust you though. [Goes out another way.
SCENE III. The Court Gallery.
Enter Philander and Alcander in their Clokes muffed
as in the dark.
A lean. Isillia. {Calls at the lodgings of Erminia.
Isil. \_Entering.~\ Who's there ?
Alcan. A Friend.
Isil. My Lord Alcander?
Alcan. The same.
Isil. Where's the Prince ?
Phi. Here, Isillia.
Isil. Give me your hand, my Lord, and follow me.
Phi. To such a Heaven as thou conduct'st me to,
Though thou should'st traverse Hell, I'd follow thee.
Alcan. You'll come back in charity, Isillia ?
Isil. Yes, if I dare trust you alone with me.
[They go all in.
SCENE IV.
Draws off, a Chamber, discovers Erminia in a dishabit, sit
ting; to her Philander, who falls at her feet, on his knees.
Er. My Lord the Prince, what makes your Highness
here i
348 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT iv
Phi. Erminia, why do ask that needless question ?
'Twas Love, Love that's unsatisfied, which brought me
hither. [Kneels.
Er. Rise, Sir, this posture would become me better.
Phi. Permit me, dear Erminia to remain thus.
'Tis only by these signs I can express
What my Confusion will not let me utter.
I know not what strange power thou bear'st about thee,
But at thy sight or touch my Sense forsakes me,
And that, withal I had design'd to say,
Turns to a strange disorder'd Rapture in me.
Oh Erminia
Er. How do you, Sir ?
Phi. I am not well;
Too suddenly I pass from one extreme
To this of Joy, more insupportable :
But I shall re-assume my health anon,
And tell thee all my story.
Er. Dear Sir, retire into this inner room,
And there repose awhile :
Alas, I see disorder in your Face.
Phi. This confidence of me, is generous in thee.
[ They go into the Scene which draws over.
SCENE V. The Court Gallery.
Enter Alcippus.
A kip. The Night is calm and silent as my Thoughts,
Where nothing now but Love's soft whispers dwell ;
Who in as gentle terms upbraids my Rage,
Which strove to dispossess the Monarch thence :
It tells me how dishonest all my Fears are,
And how ungrateful all my Jealousies ;
And prettily persuades those Infidels
To be less rude and mutinous hereafter.
Ah, that I could remain in this same state,
sc. v] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 349
And be contented with this Monarchy :
I would, if my wild multitude of Passions
Could be appeas'd with it; but they're for Liberty,
And nothing but a Common-wealth within
Will satisfy their appetites of Freedom.
Pride, Honour, Glory, and Ambition strive
How to expel this Tyrant from my Soul,
But all too weak, though Reason should assist them.
\_He knocks. Alcander looks out at the door.
Alcan. Who's there ?
A kip. A Friend.
Isll. \Witbin.~\ Oh Heavens ! it is my Lord Alcippus" 1 voice.
Alcan. Peace, I si Ilia.
Alcip. I hear a Man within open the door.
Now, Love, defend thy Interest, or my Jealousy
Will grow the mightier Devil of the two else.
[Alcan. comes out.
Who's this? one muffled in a Cloke ?
What art thou, who at this dead time of Night
Hast took possession here?
Speak, or I'll kill thee.
Alcan. This were an opportunity indeed
To do my Prince a service, but I dare not.
Alcip. What darest not do ?
Alcan. Not kill thee.
Alcip. Is that thy business then? have at thee, Slave?
I'll spoil your keeping doors. [Runs at him.
[They fight, and grapling, Alcander^/; the
Sword <?/" Alcippus.
He'as got my Sword, however, I'll lose no time :
It may be 'tis his office to detain me. [He goes in.
Alcan. I'm wounded, yet I will not leave him so ;
There may be Mischief in him, though unarm'd. [Goes in.
350 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT iv
SCENE VI. A Bed-chamber.
Discovers Erminia, Philander sitting on the Bed, to them
Isillia, a Sword and Hat on the Table.
Isil. Ah, Madam, Alcippus.
Er. Alcippus, where?
Isil. I left him in a quarrel with Alcander,
And hear him coming up.
Er. For Heaven's sake, Sir, submit to be conceal'd.
Phi. Not for the world, Erminia,
My Innocence shall be my guard and thine.
Er. Upon my knees I'll beg you'll be conceal'd, [ A noise.
He comes ; Philander, for my safety go.
Phi. I never did obey with more regret.
[ He hides himself behind the Bed, and in haste leaves his
Sword and Hat on the Table ; Alcippus comes in.
Alcip. How now, Erminia?
How comes it you are up so late ?
Er. I found my self not much inclin'd to sleep ;
I hope 'tis no offence.
Why do you look so wildly round about you ?
Alcip. Methinks, Erminia, you are much confus'd.
Er. Alas, you cannot blame me ;
Isillia tells me you were much inrag'd
Against a Lover she was entertaining.
Alcip. A Lover was that a time for Courtship ?
Such Actions, Madam, will reflect on you.
[Isillia goes to take the Hat and Sword and slide
into her lap, which he sees, calls to her.
What have you there, Isillia ?
Come back, and let me see what 'tis.
\_He takes them from her.
Ha a Sword and Hat Erminia, whose be these?
Er. Why do you ask
Alcip. To be inform'd, is that so great a wonder ?
Er. They be my Father's, Sir
sc. vi] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 351
Alcip. Was that well said, Erminia ? speak again.
Er. What is't you would know ?
Alcip. The truth, Erminia, 'twould become you best.
Do you think I take these things to be your Father's?
No, treacherous Woman, I have seen this Sword,
[Draws the Sword.
Worn by a Man more vigorous than thy Father,
It had not else been here.
Where have you hid this mighty Man of valour ?
Have you exhausted so his stock of Courage,
He has not any left t' appear withal ?
Phi. Yes, base Alcippus, I have still that Courage,
Th' effects of which thou hast beheld with wonder ;
And now being fortified by Innocence,
Thou't find sufficient to chastise thy boldness :
Restore my Sword, and prove the truth of this.
Alcip. I've hardly so much Calmness left to answer thee,
And tell thee, Prince, thou art deceiv'd in me.
I know 'tis just I should restore thy Sword,
But thou hast show'd the basest of thy play,
And I'll return th' uncivil Treachery ;
You merit Death for this base Injury.
But you're my Prince, and that I own you so,
Is all remains in me of Sense or Justice ;
The rest is Rage, which if thou gett'st not hence
Will eat up that small morsel too of Reason,
And leave me nothing to preserve thy life with.
Phi. Gods, am I tame, and hear the Tray tor brave me?
[Offers to run into him.
I have resentment left, though nothing else.
Alcip. Stand off, by all that's good, I'll kill thee else.
[Er. puts her self between.
Er. Ah, hold, Sir, hold, the Prince has no defence,
And you are more than arm'd ; [70 Alcip.
What honour is't to let him murder you ? [ To the Prince.
Nor would your Fame be lessen'd by retreat.
352 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT iv
Phi. Alas, I dare not leave thee here with him.
Er. Trust me, Sir, I can make him calm again.
Alcip. She counsels well, and I advise you take it.
Phi. I will, but not for fear of thee or Death,
But from th' assurance that her Power's sufficient
To allay this unbecoming Fury in thee,
And bring thee to repentance.
\H.e gives him his Sword ; Philander goes out,
Alcippus locks the door after him.
Er. Alcippus, what do you mean ?
Alcip. To know where 'twas you learn'd thislmpudence?
Which you're too cunning in,
Not to have been a stale practitioner.
Er. Alas, what will you do ?
Alcip. Preserve thy Soul, if thou hast any sense
Of future Joys, after this vile damn'd Action.
Er. Ah, what have I done ?
Alcip. That which if I should let thee live, Erminia,
Would never suffer thee to look abroad again.
Thou'st made thy self and me
Oh, I dare not name the Monsters.
But I'll destroy them while the Gods look down,
And smile upon my Justice.
\_He strangles her with a Garter , which he snatches
from his Leg, or smothers her with a pillow.
Er. Hold, hold, and hear my Vows of Innocence.
Alcip. Let me be damn'd as thou art, if I do;
[ Throws her on a Bed, he sits down in a Chair.
So now, my Heart, I have redeem'd thee nobly,
Sit down and pause a while
But why so still and tame, is one poor Murder
Enough to satisfy thy storm of Passion ?
If it were just, it ought not here to end ;
If not I've done too much
[One knocks, he rises after a little pause, and
opens the door ; enter Page.
sc. vi] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 353
Page. My Lord, Pisaro
Alcip. PisarO) Oh, that Name has wakened me,
A Name till now had never Terror in't !
I will not speak with him.
Page. My Lord, he's here. [Page^m out.
Enter Pisaro.
Pis. Not speak with me ! nay then I fear the worst.
Alcip. Not for the world, Pisaro
[Hides his face with his hand> Pis. sees Erminia.
Pis. Thy guilt is here too plain,
I need not read it in thy blushing face,
She's dead and pale: Ah, sweet Erminia!
Alcip. If she be dead, the fitter she's for me,
She'll now be coy no more, nor cry I cannot love,
And frown and blush, when I but kiss her hand :
Now I shall read no terror in her Eyes,
And what is better yet, shall ne'er be jealous.
Pis. Why didst thou make such haste to be undone ?
Had I detain'd thee but an hour longer,
Thou'dst been the only happy of thy Sex.
I knew thou didst dissemble when we parted,
And therefore durst not trust thee with thy Passions :
I only staid to gather from my Sister
What news I might concerning your affairs,
Which I with joy came to impart to you,
But most unfortunately came too late :
Why didst thou yield obedience to that Devil,
Which urg'd thee to destroy this Innocent?
Alcip. Pisaro, do not err ;
I found the Prince and she alone together,
He all disorder'd like a Ravisher,
Loose and unbutton 'd for the amorous play ;
O that she had another Life to lose !
Pis. You wrong her most inhumanly, you do ;
Her Blood, yet sensible of the injury,
III A A
354 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACTIV
Flows to her face to upbraid thy Cruelty.
Where dost thou mean, bad Man, to hide thy head ?
Vengeance and Justice will pursue thee close,
And hardly leave thee time for Penitence.
What will the Princess say to this return
You've made to all the offers she has sent
This Night by Prince Philander?
Alcip. Oh, when you name the Princess and Philander,
Such different Passions do at once possess me,
As sink my over-laden Soul to Hell.
Alas, why do I live ? 'tis losing time ;
For what is Death, a pain that's sooner ended
Than what I felt from every frown of hers ?
It was but now that lovely thing had Life,
Could speak and weep, and had a thousand Charms,
That had oblig'd a Murder, and Madness 't self
To've been her tame Adorers.
Yet now should even her best belov'd, the Prince,
With all his Youth, his Beauties and Desires,
Fall at her Feet, and tell his tale of Love,
She hardly would return his amorous Smiles,
Or pay his meeting Kisses back again ;
Is not that fine, Pisaro ?
Pis. Sir, 'tis no time to talk in, come with me,
For here's no safety for a Murderer.
Alcip. I will not go, alas I seek no Safety.
Pis. I will not now dispute that vain reply,
But force you to security. [Pisaro draws him out, the Scene
closes.
SCENE VII. The Palace.
Enter Philander, Alcander, Galatea, Aminta, oWFalatius.
Fal. Ah, fly, Sir, fly from what I have to tell you.
Akan. What's the news?
Fal. Ah, Sir, the dismal'st heavy news that e'er was
told or heard.
sc. vn] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 355
Gal. No matter, out with it.
Fal. Erminia, Madam
Phi. Erminia^ what of her?
Fal. Is dead, Sir.
A 'lean. What, hast thou lost thy Wits?
Fal. I had them not about me at the sight,
I else had been undone : Alas, Erminia's dead,
Murder'd, and dead.
Alcan. It cannot be, thou ly'st.
Fal. By Jove, I do not, Sir, I saw her dead :
Alas, I ran as I was wont to do,
Without demanding licence, to her Chamber,
But found her not, as I was wont to do, [ The Women weep.
In a gay humour, but stone-dead and cold.
Phi. Akander, am I awake ? or being so,
Dost not perceive this senseless Flesh of mine
Hardened into a cold benumbed Statue ?
Methinks it does support me or I fall;
And so shall break to pieces
\Falls into his Arms. He leads him out.
Gal. Ah, lovely Maid, was this thy destiny ?
Did Heaven create thy Beauties to this end?
I must distrust their Bounties, who neglected
The best and fairest of their handy-work ;
This will incourage Sin, when Innocence
Must perish thus, and meet with no defence.
Enter the King and Orgulius.
Org. If murder'd Innocence do cry for Justice,
Can you, great Sir, make a defence against it ?
King. I think I cannot.
Org. Sir, as you are pious, as you are my King,
The Lover and Protector of your People,
Revenge Erminia's Murder on Alcippus.
Gal. If e'er my Mother, Sir, were dear to you,
As from your Tears I guest whene'er you nam'd her ;
356 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT iv
If the remembrance of those Charms remain,
Whose weak resemblance you have found in me,
For which you oft have said you lov'd me dearly ;
Dispense your mercy, and preserve this Copy,
Which else must perish with th' Original.
King. Why all this Conjuration, Galatea ?
Gal. To move you, Sir, to spare Alcippus 1 Life.
King. You are unjust, if you demand a Life
Must fall a Sacrifice to Erminia's Ghost,
That is a debt I have ingag'd to pay.
Gal. Sir, if that Promise be already past,
And that your Word be irrevocable,
I vow I will not live a moment after him.
King. How, Galatea! I'd rather hop'd you'd join'd
Your Prayers with his.
Gal. Ah, Sir, the late Petition which I made you
Might have inform'd you why these Knees are bow'd ;
'Twas but this night I did confess I lov'd him,
And you would have allow'd that Passion in me,
Had he not been Erminia's:
And can you question now what this Address meant?
Org. Remember, Sir, Erminia was my Daughter.
Gal. And, Sir, remember that I am your Daughter.
Org. And shall the Traitor live that murder'd her ?
Gal. And will you by his Death, Sir, murder me ?
In dear Erminia's Death too much is done ;
If you revenge that Death, 'tis two for one.
Org. Ah, Sir, to let him live's unjust in you.
Gal. And killing me, you more injustice do.
Org. Akippus, Madam, merits not your Love,
That could so cruel to Erminia prove.
Gal. If Lovers could be rul'd by Reason's Laws,
For this complaint on him we'ad had no cause.
'Twas Love that made him this rash act commit ;
Had she been kind, 't had taught him to submit.
But might it not your present Griefs augment,
sc. vm] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 357
I'd say that you deserve this punishment,
By forcing her to marry with the General ;
By which you have destroy'd Philander too,
And now you would Alcippus* Life undo.
Org. That was a fault of duty to your Majesty.
King. Though that were honest, 'twere not wisely done ;
For had I known the passion of my Son,
And how essential 'twas to his content
I willingly had granted my consent;
Her Worth and Beauty had sufficient been
T'ave rais'd her to the Title of a Queen.
Did not my glorious Father, great Gonzal^
Marry the Daughter of his Admiral ?
And I might to my Son have been as kind,
As then my Father did my Grandsire find.
Org. You once believ'd that I had guilty been,
And had the Punishment, but not the Sin ;
I suffer'd when 'twas thought I did aspire,
And should by this have rais'd my crimes yet higher.
King. How did Philander take Erminia'i death ?
Gal. My own surprize and grief was so extream,
I know not what effects it had in him ;
But this account of him, I'm forc'd to give,
Since she is dead, I know he cannot live.
King. I'll know Philanders fate e'er I proceed ;
And if he die, Alcippus too shall bleed. [Exeunt.
SCENE VIII. The Gallery.
Enter Falatius and Labree.
Fal. Wert thou never valiant, Labree?
Lab. Yes, Sir, before I serv'd you, and since too : I
Am provok'd to give you proofs on't sometimes ;
For when I am angry I am a very Hector.
Fal. Ay, the Devil when a body's angry, but that's
Not the Valour in mode ; Men fight now a-days
358 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT iv
Without that, and even embrace whilst they draw
Their Swords on one another.
Lab. Ay, Sir, those are Men that despise their lives.
Fa/. Why, that's it, Labree^ that I would learn to do,
And which I fear, nothing but Poverty will make me do ;
Jove defend me from that experiment.
Enter Erminia veiled with a thin Tiffany.
Lab. What's the matter, Sir ?
Does the fit take you now ?
Fa/. Save us, save us, from the Fiend.
Lab. A Ghost, a Ghost ! O, O, O !
[ They fall shaking on the ground.
Er. This was a happy mistake,
Now I may pass with safety. \_Ex.
Fa/. Look up, Labree^ if thou hast any of that
Courage thou spakest of but now.
Lab. I dare not, Sir, experience yours I pray.
Fa/. Alas, alas, I fear we are both rank Cowards.
Lab. Rise, Sir, 'tis gone.
Fa/. This was worse than the fright Alcander put
Me into by much. [They rise and go out.
SCENE IX. Philander's Apartments.
Enter Philander and Cleontius.
Phi. I know he's fled to the Camp,
For there he only can secure himself.
Cle. I do not think it, Sir.
He's too brave to justify an Action
Which was the Outrage only of his Passion,
That soon will toil it self into a Calm,
And then will grow considerate again,
And hate the Rashness it provok'd him to.
Phi. That shall not serve his turn go
Tell him I'll get his Pardon of the King,
And set him free from other fears of Justice,
sc. ix] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 359
But those which I intend to execute.
If he be brave, he'll not refuse this offer ;
If not, I'll do as he has done by me,
And meet his hated Soul by Treachery. [Cle. goes out.
And then I've nothing more to do but die.
Ah, how agreeable are the thoughts of Death !
How kindly do they entertain my Soul,
And tell it pretty tales of Satisfaction in the other world,
That I shall dwell for ever with Erminia ? but stay,
That sacred Spirit yet is unreveng'd,
I'll send that Traitor's Soul to eternal Night,
Then mine shall take its so desired Flight. [Going out.
Enter Erminia, calls him.
Er. Return, Philander , whither wouldst thou fly ?
Phi. What Voice is that ? [ Turns, sees her, and is frighted.
Er. 'Tis I, my Prince, 'tis I.
Phi. Thou Gods what art thou in that lovely
shape ?
Er. A Soul that from Elysium made escape,
\_As she comes towards him, he goes back in great amaze.
To visit thee ; why dost thou steal away?
I'll not approach thee nearer than I may.
Phi. Why do I shake it is Erminia's form
And can that Beauty ought that's ill adorn ?
In every part Erminia does appear,
And sure no Devil can inhabit there.
\_He comes on and kneels, one knocks, she steals
back in at a door.
Alcan. {Within.} My Lord the Prince!
Phi. Ha Oh Gods, I charge thee not to vanish yet !
I charge thee by those Powers thou dost obey,
Not to deprive me of thy blessed sight.
Er. I will revisit thee. [Ex.
Enter Alcander.
Phi. I'm not content with that.
Stay, stay, my dear Erminia.
360 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT iv
A lean. What mean you, Sir?
[He rises and looks still afrighted.
Phi. Alcander, look, look, how she glides away,
Dost thou not see't ?
Alcan. Nothing, Sir, not I.
Phi. No, now she's gone again.
Alcan. You are disorder'd, pray sit down a while.
Phi. No, not at all, Alcander ; I'm my self,
I was not in a Dream, nor in a Passion
When she appear'd, her Face a little pale,
But else my own Erminia, she her self,
I mean a thing as like, nay, it spoke too,
And I undaunted answer'd it again ;
But when you knockt it vanisht.
Alcan. 'Twas this Aminta would persuade me to,
And, faith, I laught at her,
And wish I might have leave to do so now.
Phi. You do displease me with your Unbelief.
Alcan. Why, Sir, do you think there can indeed be Ghosts?
Phi. Pray do not urge my Sense to lose its nature.
Er. It is Alcander^ I may trust him too.
\_She peeps in on them^ and comes out.
Phi. Look where she comes again, credit thy Eyes,
Which did persuade thee that they saw her dead.
Alcan. By Heaven, and so they did.
[Both seem frighted.
Gods this is wondrous strange ! yet I can bear it.
If it were the Devil himself in that fair shape.
Phi. And yet thou shakest.
Alcan. I do, but know not why.
Inform us, lovely Spirit, what thou art,
A God or Devil ; if either, thou. art welcome.
Er. You cannot think, Alcander , there be Ghosts.
[She gives her hands to him and Phi. which
they refuse to touch.
No, give me your hand, and prove mine flesh and blood.
sc. ix] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 361
Sir, you were wont to credit what I said,
And I would still merit that kind opinion.
Phi. Erminla^ Soul of Sweetness, is it you ?
How do you ravish with excess of Joys?
Er. Softly, dear Sir, do not express that Joy,
Lest you destroy it by your doing so.
I fly for sanctuary to your Arms ;
As yet none knows I live, but poor Islllia y
Who bathing of my cold face with her tears,
Perceiv'd some signs of life, and us'd what means
Her Love and Duty did instruct her in ;
And I in half an hour was so reviv'd,
As I had sense of all was past and done ;
And to prevent a death I yet might fear,
If mad Alcippus had return'd "again,
Alone I came to you, where I could find
Alone my Safety too.
Phi. From Gods and Men, Erminia, thou art safe,
My best and blest Erminia.
Er. Sir, in my coming hither I met Aminta,
Who I may fear has alarm'd all the Court ;
She took me for a Ghost, and ran away,
E'er I cou'd undeceive her.
Falatius too, afrighted even to death
Alcan. Faith, that was lucky, Madam.
Hark, some body knocks, you'd best retire a little.
[Leads her into the door.
Enter Galatea and Aminta lighted.
Gal. Ah, Brother, there's such news abroad
Phi. What, dear Sister, for I am here confin'd,
And cannot go to meet it?
Gal. Erminia' i Ghost is seen, and I'm so frighted
Phi. You would not fear it though it should appear.
Gal. Oh, do not say so ;
For though the World had nought I held more dear,
I would not see her Ghost for all the World.
362 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACTIV,SC.IX
Alcan, But, Madam, 'tis so like Erminia
Am. Why, have you seen it too?
Alcan. Yes, Amlnta.
Am. Then there be Ghosts, Alcander.
Phi. Aminta, we'll convince him.
[Phi. leads out Er. who comes smiling to the Princess.
Gal. But how, dear Creature, wert thou thus preserv'd?
Phi. Another time for that, but now let's think
[Aminta embraces her.
How to preserve her still.
Since all believe her dead, but who are present,
And that they may remain in that blest error,
I will consult with you ; but you, my dearest,
Shall as the Spirit of Erminia act,
And reap the glory of so good a part :
It will advance the new design I have ;
And, Sister, to your care
I must commit the Treasure of my Life.
Gal. It was not kind, she came not first to me.
Er. Madam, I fear'd the safety of my Prince,
And every moment that I found I liv'd,
Were more tormenting than those of death,
Till I had undeceiv'd his Apprehensions.
Phi. 'Twas like thy self, generous and kind, my Dear,
Thou mightst have come too late else.
Er. But, Sir, pray where's my Murderer ? for yet
A better name I cannot well afford him.
Gal. All that we know of him,
Pisaro now inform'd me,
Who came just as he thought he had murder'd thee,
And begg'd he would provide for his own safety.
But he who gave him sober promises,
No sooner found himself out of his arms,
But frantick and i'th' dark he got away.
But out o'th' Court he knows he cannot pass
At this dead time of night ;
ACTV, sc. i] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 363
But he believes he is i'th' Groves or Gardens,
And thither he is gone to find him out.
Alcan. This is no place to make a longer stay in,
The King has many Spies about the Prince,
'Twere good you would retire to your Apartment.
Gal. We'll take your Counsel, Sir.
Good night, Brother.
Phi. Erminia^ may thy Dreams be calm and sweet,
As thou hast made my Soul ;
May nothing of the Cruelty that's past,
Approach thee in a rude uneasy thought ;
Remember it not so much as in thy Prayers,
Let me alone to thank the Gods for thee,
To whom that Blessing only was ordain'd.
And when I lose my Gratitude to Heaven y
May they deprive me of the Joys they've given. [Exeunt.
ACT V.
SCENE I. Galatea's Apartments.
Enter Galatea, Erminia, Pisaro, Aminta.
Gal. And hast thou found him? Ease my misery.
Pis. I have, and done as you commanded me.
I found him sitting by a Fountain side,
Whose Tears had power to swell the little tide,
Which from the Marble Statues breasts still flows :
As silent and as numberless were those.
I laid me down behind a Thicket near,
Where undiscover'd I could see and hear ;
The Moon the Day supply'd, and all below
Instructed, even as much as Day could do.
I saw his postures, heard him rave and cry,
'Twas I that kill d Erminia, yes 'twas I;
Then from his almost frantick Head he'd tear
Whole handfuls of his well-becoming Hair :
Thus would he, till his Rage was almost spent,
364 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT v
And then in softer terms he would lament:
Then speak as if Erminia still did live,
And that Belief made him forget to grieve.
The Marble Statue Venus he mistook
For fair Erminia, and such things he spoke,
Such unheard passionate things, as e'en wou'd move
The marble Statue's self to fall in love ;
He'd kiss its Breast, and say she kind was grown,
And never mind, alas, 'twas senseless Stone ;
He took its Hand, and to his Mouth had laid it,
But that it came not, and its stay betray'd it ;
Then would he blush, and all asham'd become,
His Head declining, for awhile be dumb :
His Arms upon his Breast across would lay,
Then sensibly and calmly walk away ;
And in his walk a thousand things he said,
Which I forgot, yet something with me staid j
He did consult the nature of the Crime,
And still concluded that 'twas just in him ;
He run o'er all his life, and found no act
That was ungenerous in him, but this fact,
From which the Justice took off the Disgrace,
And might even for an act of Virtue pass ;
He did consult his Glory and his Pride ;
And whilst he did so, laid his grief aside;
Then was as calm as e'er he seem'd to be.
Gal. And all this while did he ne'er mention me ?
Pis. Yes, Madam, and a thousand things he said,
By which much Shame and Passion he betray'd :
And then 'twas, Madam, I stept in and gave
Counsels, I thought him fittest to receive ;
I sooth'd him up, and told him that the Crime
I had committed, had the case been mine.
I all things said that might his Griefs beguile,
And brought him to the sweetness of a Smile.
To all I said he lent a willing ear,
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 365
And my reproaches too at last did hear.
With this insensibly I drew him on,
And with my flatteries so upon him won,
Such Gentleness infus'd into his Breast,
As has dispos'd his wearied Soul to rest :
Sleeping upon a Couch I've left him now,
And come to render this account to you. [Bows.
Gal. Pisaro, 'twas the office of a Friend,
And thou'st perform'd it to a generous end :
Go on and prosper in this new design,
And when thou'st done, the glory shall be thine. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. The Bedchamber o/"Alcippus.
Draws off, discovers Alcippus rising from the Couch.
Alcip. I cannot sleep, my Soul is so unfurnish'd
Of all that Sweetness which allow'd it rest.
'Tis flown, 'tis flown, for ever from my breast,
And in its room eternal discords dwell,
Such as outdo the black intrigues of Hell
Oh my fortune
\lVeeps, pulling out his handkerchief^ drops a
Picture with a Glass on the reverse.
What's here? Alas, that which I dare not look on,
And yet, why should I shun that Image here,
Which I continually about me bear?
But why, dear Picture, art thou still so gay,
Since she isgone from whom those Charms were borrow'd ?
Those Eyes that gave this speaking life to thine,
Those lovely Eyes are clos'd in endless darkness;
There's not a Star in all the face of Heaven,
But now out-shines those Suns:
Suns at Noon-day dispens'd not kindlier influence.
And thou blest Mirror, that hast oft beheld
That Face, which Nature never made a fairer;
Thou that so oft her Beauties back reflected,
366 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT v
And made her know what wondrous power there lay
In every Feature of that lovely Face.
But she will smile no more ! no more ! no more !
Why, who shall hinder her? Death, cruel Death.
'Twas I that murder'd her
Thou lyest thou durst as well be damn'd as touch her,
She was all sacred ; and that impious Hand
That had profanely touch'd her,
Had wither'd from the Body.
I lov'd her I ador'd her, and could I,
Could I approach her with unhallowed thoughts?
No, no, I durst not
But as devoutest Pilgrims do the Shrine.
If I had done't,
The Gods who take the part of Innocence,
Had been reveng'd
Why did not Thunder strike me in the Action ?
Why, if the Gods be just, and I had done't,
Did they not suffer Earth to swallow me,
Quick quick into her bosom ?
But yet I say again, it was not I,
Let me behold this face,
That durst appear in such a Villany. [He looks in the glass.
Enter Pisaro, and Erminia drest like an Angel with Wings.
Pis. Look where he is.
Er. Alas, I tremble at the sight of him.
Pis. Fear nothing, Madam, I'll be near you still.
Er. Pray stay a little longer.
Alclp. My Face has Horror in't pale and disfigur'd,
And lean as Envy's self
My Eyes all bloody, and my hanging lids
Like Midnight's mischief, hide the guilty Balls,
And all about me calls me Murderer :
Oh horrid Murderer !
That very Sound tears out my hated Soul,
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 367
And to compleat my ruin,
I'll still behold this face where Murder dwells.
[He looks in the glass, Erminia steals behind him, and
looks into it over his shoulder ; he is frighted.
Ha what does this Glass present me ?
What art thou ? speak What art thou r
[ Turns by degrees towards it.
Sure I am fixt, what, shall the Devil fright me ?
Me shall he fright,
Who stood the Execution of a Murder ?
But 'tis that Shape, and not thy Nature frights me,
That calls the blood out of my panting Heart,
That Traytor Heart that did conspire thy death.
Er. Sit down and hear me
[/ a tone like a Spirit, and points to a Chair ; soft
Musick begins to play, which continues all this Scene.
To disobey, thy punishment shall be ;
To live in endless torments, but ne'er die.
Alcip. Thou threatnest high, bold Rebel,
\_He sits within the Scene, bows.
Er. Alcippus, tell me what you see,-
What is't that I appear to be ?
Alcip. My blest Erminia deify 'd.
Er. Alcippus, you inform me true ;
I am thus deify 1 d by you ;
To you I owe this blest abode,
For I am happy as a God ;
I only come to tell thee so,
And by that tale to end thy Woe ;
Know, Mighty Sir, your Joy's begun,
From what last night to me was done ;
In vain you rave, in vain you weep,
For what the Gods must ever keep ;
In vain you mourn, in vain deplore
A loss which tears can ne'er restore.
The Gods their Mercies will dispense,
368 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT v
In a more glorious Recompence ;
A World of Blessings they've in store,
A World of Honours, Fict'ries more ;
Thou shalt the Kingdom's Darling be,
And Kings shall Homage pay to thee ;
Thy Sword no bounds to Conquest set,
And thy Success that Sword shall whet ;
Princes thy Chariot-wheel shall grace,
Whilst thou in Triumph bring 'st home Peace.
This will the Gods ; thy King yet more
Will give thee what those Gods adore ;
And what they did create for thee,
Alcippus, look, for that is she.
Enter the Princess, who goes over the Stage as a Spirit,
bows a little to Alcippus, and goes off.
Alcip. The Princess ! [He offers to rise.
Er. Be still ; 'tis she you must possess,
' Tis she must make your happiness ;
' Tis she must lead you on to find
Those Blessings Heaven has design 'd :
'Tis she'll conduct you, where you'll prove
The perfect Joys of grateful Love.
Enter Aminta like Glory, Alcander representing Honour.
They pass over and bow, and go out.
Glory and Honour wait on her.
Enter two more representing Mars and Pallas, bow and
go out.
With Pallas and the God of War,
Enter Olinda like Fortune, a Page like Cupid, bow and
go out. .
Fortune and Love which ne'er agree,
Do now united bow to thee.
Be wise, and of their Bounties share ;
For if Erminia still was here,
sc. n] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 369
Still subject to the toils of Life,
She never could have been thy Wife,
Who by the Laws of Men and Heaven
Was to another's bosom given:
And what Injustice thou hast done,
Was only to thy Prince alone ;
But he has mercy, can redeem
Those Ills which thou hast done to him.
But see, they all return again.
[All the Disguis'd enter again and dance, with Love in
the midst, to whom as they dance, they in order make
an offer of what they carry, which must be something
to represent them by ; which Love refuses with Nods,
still pointing to Alcippus : the Dance done, they lay
them at his feet, or seem to do so, and go out.
What think 1 st thou of thy Destiny,
Is't not agreeable to thee?
Tell me, Alcippus, is't not brave ?
Is it not better than a Grave ?
Cast off your Tears, abandon Grief,
And give what you have seen belief.
Dress all your Looks, and be as gay
As Virgins in the Month of May ;
Deck up that Face where Sorrow grows,
And let your Smiles adorn your brows ;
Recal your wonted Sweetness home,
And let your Eyes all Love become :
For what the Gods have willed and said,
Thou hast no power to evade.
What they decree none can withstand,
Ton must obey what they command.
[She goes out, he remains immoveable for a while.
Enter Pisaro.
Pis. How is it, man? what, speechless?
Aicip. No.
Ill BB
370 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE ; OR, [ACT v
Pis. I left thee on the Bed, how earnest thou here ?
Alclp. I know not.
Pis. Have you slept?
Alcip. Yes, ever since you left me ;
And 'twas a kindness in thee now to wake me;
For Sleep had almost flatter'd me to Peace,
Which is a vile injustice.
Hah, Pisaro, I had such a Dream,
Such a fine flattering Dream
Pis. How was it, pray ?
Alcip. Nay, I will forget it ;
I do not merit so much peace of mind,
As the relation of that Dream will give me :
Oh, 'twas so perfect, too,
I hardly can persuade my self I slept !
Dost thou believe there may be Apparitions?
Pis. Doubtless, my Lord, there be.
Alclp. I never could believe it till this hour,
By Heavens, I think I saw them too, Pisaro.
Pis. 'Tis very possible you're not deceived.
Alclp. Ermlnla's Spirit, in a glorious form.
Pis. I do believe you.
Alcip. Why, is't not strange ?
Pis. It would have been, had I not heard already
She has this night appear'd to several Persons,
In several Shapes ; the first was to the Prince ;
And said so many pretty things for you,
As has persuaded him to pardon you.
Alcip. Oh Gods, what Fortune's mine !
I do believe the Prince is innocent
From all that thou hast said.
But yet I wish he would dispose his Bounties
On those that would return acknowledgments;
I hate he should oblige me.
Pis. You are too obstinate, and must submit.
Alcip. It cannot be, and yet methinks I give
sc. in] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 371
A strange and sudden credit to this Spirit,
It beckon'd me into another room ;
I'll follow it, and know its business there. [Aside.
Pis. Come, Sir, I am a kind of Prophet,
And can interpret Dreams too.
We'll walk a while, and you shall tell me all,
And then I would advise you what to do. [Exeunt.
SCENE III. The King's Chamber.
Enter Philander with the King.
King. Thou'st entertain'd me with a pretty Story,
And call'd up so much Nature to thy Cause,
That I am half subjected to its Laws ;
I find thy lovely Mother plead within too,
And bids me put no force upon thy Will ;
Tells me thy Flame should be as unconfin'd
As that we felt when our two Souls combin'd.
Alas, Philander, I am old and feeble,
And cannot long survive :
But thou hast many Ages yet to number
Of Youth and Vigour ; and should all be wasted
In the Embraces of an unlov'd Maid ?
No, my Philander, if that after death
Ought could remain to me of this World's Joys,
I should remember none with more delight,
Than those of having left thee truly happy.
Phi. This Goodness, Sir, resembles that of Heaven,
Preserving what it made, and can be paid
Only with grateful Praise as we do that.
King. Go, carry on your innocent design,
And when you've done, the last act shall be mine.
[Exeunt.
372 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT v
SCENE IV. The Court Gallery.
Enter A.m\nte followed by Alcander, Erminia and Galatea;
they go out : re-enter Alcander, and stays Aminta.
Alcan. Stay, dear Aminta, do not fly so fast.
Am. Methinks, Alcander, you should shun that Maid,
Of whose too much of kindness you're afraid.
'Twas not long since you parted in such feud,
And swore my treatment of you was too rude ;
You vow'd you found no Beauty in my eyes,
And can you now pursue what you despise ? \Qffers to go.
Alcan. Nay, do not leave me yet, for still your Scorn
Much better than your Absence may be borne.
Am. Well, Sir, your business, for mine requires haste.
Alcan. Say, fair Aminta, shall I never find
You'll cease this Rigour, and be kind ?
Will that dear Breast no Tenderness admit ?
And shall the Pain you give no Pity get?
Will you be never touch'd with what I say ?
And shall my Youth and Vows be thrown away ?
You know my Passion and my Humour too,
And how I die, though do not tell you so.
Am. What arguments will you produce to prove
You love ? for yet I'll not believe you love.
Alcan. Since, fair Aminta, I did thee adore,
Alas, I am not what I was before :
My Thoughts disorder'd from my Heart do break ;
And Sighs destroy my Language when I speak.
My Liberty and my Repose I gave,
To be admitted but your Slave ;
And can you question such a Victory ?
Or must I suffer more to make it surer
It needs not, since these Languishments can be
Nought but the Wounds which you alone can cure.
Am. Alcander, you so many Vows have paid,
So many Sighs and Tears to many a Maid,
sc. v] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 373
That should I credit give to what you say,
I merit being undone as well as they.
No, no, Alcander, I'll no more of that.
Akan, Farewel, Aminta, mayst thou want a Lover,
When I shall hate both thee and thy whole Sex ;
I can endure your sober Cruelty,
But do despise it clad in Jollity. \_Exeunt severally.
SCENE V.
Discovers a Room hung with Black, a Hearse standing in it
with Tapers round about it, Alcippus weeping at it,
with Isillia, and other Women with long black
Veih round about the Hearse.
Isil. I humbly beg, my Lord, you would forbear.
Alcip. Oh Isillia,
Thou knowest not what vast Treasure this incloses,
This sacred Pile ; is there no Sorrow due to it ?
Alas, I bad her not farewel at parting.
Nor did receive so much as one poor Kiss.
Ah wretched, wretched Man !
Enter the Prince.
How, the Prince !
How suddenly my Grief submits to Rage.
Phi. Alcippus, why dost thou gaze thus on me ?
What Horror have I in my looks that frights thee ?
Alcip. Why, Sir, what makes you here ?
I have no more Wives, no more Erminias ;
Alas, she is dead
Will you not give her leave to rest in peace ?
Phi. Is this the Gratitude you pay my Favours,
That gave ye life, after your wrongs to me ?
But 'twas my Sister's Kindness that preserv'd thee
And I prefer'd my Vengeance to the Gods.
Alcip. Your Sister is a Saint whom I adore ;
But I refuse a Life that comes from. you.
374 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT v
hil. What mean you, Sir ?
Alclp. To speak a truth, as dying Men should do.
Phi. Alcippus, for my Sister's sake who loves you,
I can bear more than this you know my power,
And I can make you fear. [Offers to go out.
Alclp. No, Prince, not whilst I am in love with dying.
Phi. Your love to that I see has made you impudent.
Isll. The Storm comes on, your Highness should avoid it.
Phi. Let him give place, I'll keep possession here.
hil. It is the Prince's pleasure, Sir, you quit the Presence.
Alclp. No, this I call my Home ;
And since Erminid's here that does entitle it so,
I will not quit the Presence.
Phi. Gave thee a Title to't, Alcippus ?
Alclp. Me, Philander I
[They come to each other's breast, and so draw.
Phi. Thee.
Alclp. Me, what dare you now ?
Phi. I dare declare that I can hear no more;
Be witness, Heaven, how justly I'm compell'd.
Alclp. Now, Sir, you are brave and love Ermlnla too.
[The Women run all away crying ; they draw out some
one way, and some another, leaving some their Veils
behind them, some half off, half on.
Phi. We are here not safe, these Women will betray us.
A kip. Sir, 'tis a work that will soon be dispatcht,
And this a place and time most proper for't.
\_A pass or two. Fal. peeps in and runs away.
Enter Pisaro, runs between.
Pis. Hold, Sir, are you grown desperate ?
What means your Highness? \_To the Prince.
Alcippus, what is't you design in this ?
Alclp. To fight, Pisaro, and be kill'd.
Pis. By Heaven, you shall not fight, unless with me,
And you have so anger'd me with this rash action,
I could almost provoke you to it.
sc. v] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 375
Enter Alcander.
Alcan. Gods, Sir, that you should thus expose your self,
The World's great Heir, against a desperate Madman !
Pis. Have you forgot your Apparition, Sir?
Alc'ip. Oh, 'twas an idle lying one, Pisaro,
And came but to intrap me.
To them Galatea, Aminta, and Olinda.
Gal. Ah, Brother, why so cruel to your Sister ?
Phi. Here, Galatea^ punish my misfortune,
For yet I want the will to injure thee.
Heaven knows what provocations I receiv'd
E'er I would draw a Sword on him you lov'd.
Gal. Unjust Akippus, how dost thou reward me ?
Alc'ip. Ah, Madam, I have too much shame to live.
Had Heaven preserv'd my Innocence intire,
That I with confidence might have ador'd you,
Though I had been successless ;
Yet I had liv'd and hop'd, and aim'd to merit you :
But since all hopes of that are taken from me,
My Life is but too poor a Sacrifice,
To make atonement for my Sins to you.
Gal. I will not answer thee to what thou hast said,
But only beg thou wilt preserve thy life,
Without which mine will be of little use to me.
Aklp. Might I without a sin believe this Blessing,
Sure I should be immortal.
Falatio peeps in again.
Fal. I think I may venture, the fury is past, and the
great shot spent, the mad Captain General's wounded ;
so, I hope 'twill let out some of his hot blood
Enter the King, Cleontius, and Attendants.
King. My Love, Alcippus, is despis'd I see,
And you in lieu of that return you owe me,
Endeavour to destroy me.
376 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT v
Is this an Object for your Rage to work on ?
Behold him well, Alcippus, 'tis your Prince.
Who dares gaze on him with irreverend Eyes?
The good he does you ought to adore him for,
But all his evils 'tis the Gods must punish,
Who made no Laws for Princes.
Alcip. Sir, I confess I'm culpable,
And were it not a sin equal to that,
To doubt you could forgive me,
I durst not hope your mercy after it.
King. I think with all the Tenderness I'm guilty of,
I hardly shall be brought to pardon thee.
Phi. I humbly beg you will forgive him, Sir,
I drew him to it against his will ; I forc'd him,
And gave him language not to be indur'd
By any gallant man.
King. Whilst you intreat for him, who pleads for you ?
For you are much the guiltier of the two,
And need'st a greater interest to persuade me.
Alcip. It were not just to contradict my Prince,
A Prince to whom I've been so late a Traitor ;
But, Sir, 'tis I alone am criminal,
And 'twas I,
Justly I thought provok'd him to this hazard :
'Tis I was rude, impatient, insolent,
Did like a Madman animate his Anger,
Not like a generous Enemy.
Sir, when you weigh my Sorrows with this Action,
You'll find no base Design, no Villany there ;
But being weary of a Life I hated,
I strove to put it off, and missing that way,
I come to make an offer of it here..
King. If I should take it, 'twere no more than just ;
Yet once again I will allow it thee,
That thou mayst owe me for't a second time :
Manage it better than the last I gave [Ex. King.
sc. v] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 377
Phi. Alc'ippu^ may I credit what thou'st said,
Or do you feign repentance to deceive me ?
Alc'ip. I never could dissemble at my best,
And now methinks your Highness should believe me,
When my despairs and little love to life
Make me despise all ways that may preserve it.
Phi. If thou wouldst have me credit thee, Alcippus y
Thou shouldst not disesteem a Life, which ought
To be preserv'd, to give a proof that what thou say'st
Is true, and dispossess me of those fears I have,
That 'tis my Life makes thine displeasing to thee.
Alc'ip. 'Tis a high proof to give you of my Duty,
Yet that's more ease to me than your Unbelief.
Phi. Let me embrace and thank thee for this goodness.
[He offers to embrace him y but he is shy^ and keeps
a little off.
Why dost receive me coldly? I'm in earnest;
As I love Honour, and esteem thee generous,
I mean thee nothing but a perfect Friendship ;
By all my hopes I've no more quarrels to thee,
All ends in this Embrace, and to confirm it
I give thee here my Sister to thy Wife.
Alc'ip. Your Pardon, Sir,
I must refuse your bounty, till I know
By what strange turn of Fate I came thus blest.
To you, my Prince, I've done unheard-of injuries,
And though your Mercy do afford me life,
With this rich present too ;
Till I could know I might deserve them both,
That Life will prove a Plague, and this great Gift
Turn to the torment of it.
Phi. AlcippuSy 'tis not kind to doubt me still,
Is this a present for a Man I hate ?
Alc'ip. 'Tis true, Sir, and your bounty does amaze me ;
Can I receive a blessing of this magnitude
With hands, yet have not wash'd away the sin
378 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT v
Of your Erminia's murder ? think of that, Sir ;
For though to me it did appear most just,
Yet you must hate the Man that has undone you.
Gal. I see Erminia still usurps your thoughts.
Alcip. I must confess my Soul is scarce diverted
Of that fond Passion which I had for her;
But I protest before the Gods and you,
Did she still live, and I might still possess her,
I would refuse it, though I were ignorant
Of what the Gods and your fair self design me.
Phi. To doubt thee were a sin below my nature,
And to declare my faith above my fear,
Behold what I present thee with.
\_Goes out, and enters again with Erminia.
A kip. Ha Erminia ? \_He looks af righted.
It is the same appear'd to me last night,
And my deluded Fancy
Would have persuaded me 'twas but a dream.
Phi. Approach her, Sir, 'tis no fantasm.
Alcip. 'Tis she her self, Oh Gods, Erminia !
[ She goes a little back, as afraid, he kneels.
Ah, Madam, do not fear me in this posture,
Which I will never quit till you have pardon 'd me;
It was a fault the most excusable,
That ever wretched Lover did commit ;
And that which hinder'd me from following thee,
Was that I could not well repent the Crime ;
But like a surly Sinner fac'd it out,
And said, I thought 'twas just, yes, fair Erminia ;
Hadst thou been mine, I would i'th face of Heaven,
Proclaim it just and brave revenge :
But, Madam, you were Wife to my Prince,
And that was all my sin :
Alas, in vain I hop'd for some return,
And grew impatient of th' unkind delay,
And frantickly I then out-run my happiness.
sc. v] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 379
Er. Rise, I forgive thee, from my soul I do ;
Mayst thou be happier
In thy more glorious Passion for the Princess,
And all the Joys thou e'er couldst hope from me,
Mayst thou find there repeated.
Enter King, Orgulius, and the rest.
Org. First, I'll keep my word with thee,
Receive the welcome present which I promis'd.
[Gives him Erminia, she kneels.
Er. Can you forgive the Griefs I've made you suffer ?
Org. I can forgive, though 'twas not kind
To let me languish in a desperate Error ;
Why was this Blessing hid from me alone?
Er. Ah, Sir, so well I knew you lov'd Alcippus,
That had you known it e'er the Prince had own'd me,
I fear you had restor'd me back again,
A Sin too great to load your Soul withal.
Org. My King already has forgiven that Error,
And now I come to make my Peace with thee,
And that I may with greatest speed obtain it,
To you, Sir, I resign her with as much Joy,
[To the Prince.
And when they undeceiv'd me
Of my opinion of her being dead
Phi. And I with greater Joy receive your gift.
[Bows and takes her.
King. My Lord Alcippus^ are you pleas'd with this?
Alcip. Sir, I am so pleas'd, so truly pleas'd with it,
That Heaven, without this Blessing on my Prince,
Had found but little trouble from my thanks,
For all they have shower'd on me ;
'Twas all I wisht, next my Pretensions here.
King. Then to compleat thy happiness,
Take Galatea^ since her Passion merits thee,
As do thy Virtues her. [Gives him Gal. they loth bow.
380 THE FORC'D MARRIAGE; OR, [ACT v
Er. Sir, I've an humble suit t' your Majesty.
King. Conclude it granted then.
Er. Falatius, Sir, has long made love t' Isillia,
And now he'as gain'd her Heart, he slights the Conquest,
Yet all the fault he finds is that she's poor.
King. Isillia's Beauty can supply that want ;
Falatius, what d'ye say to't ?
Fa/. By Jove, Sir, I'll agree to any thing; for I believe
a handsome young Wife at Court may bring a Man a
greater Fortune than he can in Conscience desire.
[ Takes Isillia.
Er. Aminta, be persuaded. [Aside to Am.
Am. He'd use me scurvily then.
Alcan. That'saccording as you behav'd your self, Aminta.
Am. I should domineer.
Alcan. I then should make love elsewhere.
Am. Well, I find we shall not agree then.
Alcan. Faith now we have disputed a point I never
thought on before, I would willingly pursue it for the
humour on't, not that I think I shall much approve on't.
Pis. Give him your hand, Aminta, and conclude,
'Tis time this haughty humour were subdu'd.
By your submission, whatsoe'er he seem,
In time you'll make the greater Slave of him.
Am. Well not from the hope of that, but from my
Love,
His change of humour I'm content to prove.
Here take me, Alcander ;
Whilst to Inconstancy I bid adieu,
I find variety enough in you. [He takes her and bows.
King. Come my brave Youths, we'll toil our selves with
Joys,
And when we're weary of the lazy play,
We'll search abroad to find new Conquests out,
And get fresh Appetites to new Delights :
It will redouble your vast stock of Courage,
sc. v] THE JEALOUS BRIDEGROOM 381
And make th' uneasy Humour light and gentle ;
When you remember even in heat of Battle,
That after all your Victories and Spoil,
You'll meet calm Peace at home in soft Embraces.
Thus may you number out your happy years,
Till Love and Glory no more proofs can give
Of what they can bestow, or you receive.
[Exeunt.
EPILOGUE,
By a Woman.
WE charged you boldly in our first advance,
And gave the Onset a la mode de France,
As each had been a Joan 0/"Orleance.
Like them our Heat as soon abated too ;
Alas we could not vanquish with a Show,
Afuch more than that goes to the conquering you.
The Trial though will recompense the Pain,
It having wisely taught us how to reign ;
'Tis Beauty only can our Power maintain.
But yet, as tributary Kings, we own
It is by you that we possess that Throne,
IVhere had we Victors been, we* ad reign'd alone.
And we have promised what we could not do ;
A fault, methinks, might be forgiven too,
Since '//$ but what we learnt of some of you.
But we are upon equal treatment yet,
For neither conquer, since we both submit ;
You to our Beauty bow, we to your Wit.
THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON.
(385)
ARGUMENT.
DOCTOR BALIARDO, a Neapolitan philosopher, has so applied himself to the
study of the Moon, and is enraptured to such an extent with the mysteries
of that orb, that he has come steadfastly to believe in a lunar world, peopled,
ruled and regulated like the earth. This wholly fills and absorbs his every
waking thought, and, in consequence, he denies his daughter Elaria and his
niece Bellemante to their respective lovers, the Viceroy's two nephews, Don
Cinthio and Don Charmante, as being men of men of mere terrestial mould.
The girls are, however, secretly assisted in their amours by Scaramouch, the
doctor's man, who is himself a rival of Harlequin, Cinthio's valet, for the
hand of Mopsophil, duenna to the young ladies. Harlequin, hoping to find
his way to his mistress, gets to Bellemante's chamber but when she appears
conceals himself. The doctor, however, who has been hastily summoned
to the bedside of his brother, reported'dying, returns a moment after he has
set out for a key which has been accidently dropped from his bunch and
finds Cinthio and Elaria. The gallant can only escape by pretending to be
a lunatic brought to the house for medical treatment and cure. But during
the doctor's subsequent absence, whilst the two lovers are, as they suppose,
securely entertaining their mistresses, the father is suddenly heard to return.
For the moment they evade him by feigning to be figures in a rich tapestry
(their masquing habits aiding the trick), which Scaramouch declares he has
just purchased. But this sham being discovered, Scaramouch runs off
with the candles and all slip away in the darkness and confusion, leaving
him to return in his shirt as newly risen from bed. The doctor is bawling
for help when the wily servant totters out yawning and rubbing his eyes to
explain the whole affair away as a delusion or a vision produced by lunar
agency,declaringthattherehas been avisitfrom the Moon Worldof theirKing
and the Prince of Thunderland, who have descended a-courting Elaria and
Bellemante. This is borne out by the girls themselves, who have previously
been well primed by Mopsophil. After some intriguing between Harlequin
and Scaramouch for the duenna's hand, in the course of which the former
disguises himself in female attire and again as a country lad, the latter as a
learned apothecary, Charmante visits the doctor, and feigning to be a
cabalist profound in occult lore, bids him prepare that night to receive
Irednozor, monarch of the Moon, and the Prince of Thunderland who will
appear to wed his daughter and his niece. Harlequin shortly after makes
his entry as an ambassador from the celestial spheres to confirm this news,
and as Baliardo, overjoyed, is conversing with him strains of music are
heard to herald the arrival of the lunar potentates. All repair to an ancient
gallery, long disused, whence the sound proceeds, and here, indeed, a pageant
has been secretly arranged. The room is discovered to be richly adorned
with costly hangings and pictures, ablaze with lights, and presently, after
various masqueraders have appeared dressed as the astronomers Keplair and
III C C
3 86
SOURCE
Galileus, as the different signs of the zodiac, and in other fantastic garbs,
Cinthio and Charmante are seen in a silver chariot like a half-moon, attended
by a train of heroes and amorini. There is no delay, the lovers are united in
matrimony, Baliardo being overwhelmed at the honour done his house. But
when Scaramouch and Harlequin fight a ridiculous duel, in which the
former wins, for the favour of Mopsophil, the doctor discovers the whole
trick, to wit, that the lunar courtiers are in reality his own friends and
neighbours. He soon, however, yields to the persuasions of the lovers and
the common-sense of his physician, who has taken part in the masque, and,
realizing the folly of the fables he has so long implicitly believed, condemns
his books to the fire and joins in the nuptial rejoicings with a merry heart.
SOURCE.
MRS. BEHN'S farce is derived from Arlequin Empereur dans la Lune, which was
played in Paris by Guiseppe-Domenico Biancolelli, a famous Harlequin and
the leading member of the Italian theatre there from 1660 to 1688. The
original Italian scenes from which the French farce is taken belonged to
that impromptu Comedy, 'Commedia dell' Arte all" Improvise,' which so far
from being printed was but rarely even committed to writing. 'The
development of the intrigue by dialogue and action was left to the native
wit of the several players,' writes J. A. Symonds in his excellent and most
scholarly introduction prefacing Carlo Gozzi's Memoirs. In the case of a
new play, or rather a new theme, the choregus or manager would call the
company together, read out the plot, sketch the scenario, explain all business,
and leave the dialogue to the humour and smartness of the individual per
former. Their aptitude was amazing. In Kyd's Spanish Tragedy we find
Heironymo, who wishes to have a subject mounted in a hurry, saying :
The Italian tragedians were so sharp of wit,
That in one hour's meditation
They would perform anything in action.
And Lorenzo rejoins :
I have seen the like
In Paris, among the French tragedians.
Of course much was bound to become stereotyped and fixed, but much was
ever fluctuating and new.
When Biancolelli died on 2 August, 1688, of pneumonia, contracted
through neglecting to change damp clothes, the loss to the Italian theatre
seemed irreparable, but in the following year an equally celebrated Harlequin,
finer and wittier if not more popular than he, appeared in the person of
Evariste Gherardi. Gherardi was a man of culture, and he collected and
edited a number of scenes, written in French, which were on the boards
intermingled and played with the Italian farces in order to raise the tone of,
and give something more solid and durable to, these entertainments. In
1695 three volumes of these scenes were published at Amsterdam, 'chez
Adrian Braakman,' under the title Le Theatre Italien, ou le Recueil de tontes
/ Comedies et Scenes Francoises qui ont eti joules sur le Theatre Italien par la
Troupe des Comediens du Roy de r Hotel de Bourgogne a Paris.
THEATRICAL HISTORY 387
Arlequin Empereur dans la Lune had been published in its entirety eleven
years previously (1684), but it was sufficiently popular for Gherardi to
includevarious scenes therefrom in his collection. Accordingly he commences
his first volume by giving the 'Scene de la Fille de Chambre', where
Harlequin, disguised as a woman, pretends to be seeking a place as waiting-
maid to the Doctor Emperor of the Moon, Act ii, v. In the French, Pierrot,
dressed as the Doctor's wife, interviews the applicant. Gherardi also gives
a scene between Isabella (Elaria) and Colombine (Mopsophil) ; a scene where
Harlequin arrives tricked out as an Apothecary to win Colombine (in Mrs.
Behn it is Scaramouch who thus attempts to gain Mopsophil) ; and the
final scene which differs considerably from the conclusion of the English
farce. In Vol. II there are two further extracts 'obmises dans le premier
Tome", a dialogue between the Doctor and Harlequin, 'recit que fait
Arlequin au Docteur, du Voyage qu'il a fait dans le Monde de la Lune',
and a short passage between Harlequin and Colombine, both of which can
be closely paralleled in the English version. Mrs. Behn of course used the
edition of 1684. Her statement that she only took 'a very barren and thin
hint of the Plot' from the Italian, and again that 'all the Words are wholly
new, without one from the Original* must not be pressed too strictly,
although she has undeniably infused a new life, new wit and humour into
the alien scenes.
In Maurice Sand's standard work on Italian comedy, Masques et Bouffant
(Paris, 1860) there will be found copious citations from this pantomime,
the popularity of which he attributes wholly to Gherardi. It was Biancolelli,
however, who first brought it into favour and in whose lifetime it was
actually printed, a rare honour, although doubtless it was owing to the
great Gherardi that it retained and renewed its success. Gherardi died
31 August, 1700.
As the author himself states in his preface, Harlequin roi dans la Lune, a
three act comedy by Bodard de T6zay, produced at the Varites Amusantes,
17 December, 1785, has nothing to do with the old Italian scenes. An
opera by Settle, entitled The World in the Moon, put on at Drury Lane in
1 697, is quite different from Mrs. Behn's farce. Settle has written a comedy
which deals with the rehearsal of a new opera, The New World in the Moon.
Tom Dawkins, a country lout just arrived in London, is taken to the
theatre to see the rehearsal, and ordinary comic scenes intermingled with
provision for elaborate sets, as the opera proceeds, form the strangest
jumble. The piece takes its name from the first operatic scene, which
represents a huge silver moon that gradually wanes, whilst a song, 'Within
this happy world above', is performed.
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
The Emperor of the Moon, which is certainly as Lowe says 'one of the best
pantomimic farces ever seen' on the English boards at any rate, was
produced with great success at the Duke's Theatre, Dorset Garden, in
1^87. The character of Scaramouch was admirably suited to Tony Leigh,
a low comedian 'of the mercurial kind', who 'in humour . . . loved to
take a fail career', whilst Tom Jevon, young, slim and most graceful of
3 88
THEATRICAL HISTORY
dancers, proved the King of all Harlequins, past, present and to come.
Lee and Jevon also acted the parts of Scaramouch and Harlequin in
Mountford's three act extravaganza, Dr. Faustus (410 1697), but produced a
decade earlier, probably November, 1685. Scaramouch is the necromancer's
man, and the comic scenes, although the stage tricks are old, prove very
good pantomime. It will be remembered that Harlequin and Scaramouch
are to be found in The Rover, Part II. Mrs. Behn's farce kept its place in the
repertory and long remained a favourite. On 18 September, 1702, at Drury
Lane, Will Pinkethman, complying with the wish of several friends and
critics, essayed Harlequin without the traditional black mask, 'but, alas !
in vain : Pinkethman could not take to himself the shame of the character
without being concealed ; he was no more Harlequin; his humour was quite
disconcerted ; his conscience could not, with the same effrontery, declare
against nature, without the cover of that unchanging face, which he was
sure would never blush for it ; no, it was quite another case ; without that
armour his courage could not come up to the bold strokes that were
necessary to get the better of common sense.'
Amongst the more notable performances of The Emperor of the Moon were
two at Dorset Garden on the 16 and 21 November, 1706, when Estcourt
acted Scaramouch, and Pinkethman, Harlequin. On 3 September, 1708, at
Drury Lane, Bullock was Scaramouch ; Bickerstaffie, Harlequin ; Johnson,
the old Doctor; Powell, Don Cinthio. At Lincoln's Inn Fields, 28 June,
1717, Bullock again sustained Scaramouch and had Spiller as his Harlequin.
Four years later, 6 February, 1721, they were acting the same roles at this
theatre, with Mrs. Cross as Bellemante, and Quin, Ryan, in the cast. The
farce was repeated on 25 October of the same year. Bullock and Spiller kept
their favourite parts, Hall was Baliardo ; Quin, Cinthio ; Ryan, Charmante ;
Mrs. Egleton, Mopsopb.il ; Mrs. Bullock, Bellemante. Doggett's The Country
Wake was played the same night. Ten years later, still at this theatre, on
20 October, 1731, Hall was again Baliardo and Mrs. Egleton, Mopsophil.
On this occasion Pinkethman played Harlequin ; Hippisley, Scaramouch ;
Milward, Charmante; and Chapman, Cinthio. The farce was put on as a first
piece at Covent Garden, 14 February, 1739. Pinkethman was Harlequin ;
Rosco, Scaramouch ; Arthur, the Doctor ; Hallam, Charmante ; Hall, Cinthio ;
Mrs. James, Mopsophil ; Mrs. Vincent, Elaria ; and the fair Bellamy,
Bellemante. In 1748 there was a curious rivalry between the two theatres
when both produced The Emperor of the Moon on the same night,
26 December. At Covent Garden, where it was billed 'not acted 10 years',
and produced as a first piece at considerable expense with magnificent
decorations, Cushing played Harlequin; Dunstall, Scaramouch; Sparks,
Baliardo; Ryan, Charmante; Delane, Cinthio; Peg Woffington, Bellemante;
and the Bellamy, Elaria. It was, however, a dead failure and only acted
twice. Contrary to expectation Cushing was very bad as Harlequin, whilst
at Drury Lane Woodward was excellent. At the Lane, where it was played
with Mrs. Centlivre'sy? Bold Stroke for a Wife, and billed 'not acted 20 years',
Yates took Scaramouch ; Palmer, Charmante ; King, Cinthio ; Winstone,
Baliardo; Miss Murgatroyd, Bellemante; and the inimitable Mrs. Green,
Mopsophil. A great effect was produced when Harlequin is tossed in a
blanket, Act iii. Two long strips were sewn to the sides of the blanket by
THEATRICAL HISTORY 389
which he held. From the front, however, they were invisible, and as it
seemed that Woodward was being thrown to a dangerous height this
spectacle immensely pleased the galleries.
In 1777 The Emperor of the Moon, very unnecessarily altered and by no
means bettered 'with the addition of several airs, duets, and choruses
selected from other compositions' (8vo, 1777), was produced at the
Patagonian Theatre. This theatre was situated in Exeter Change, Strand,
on a portion of the site of Burleigh House, the town house of the great
Lord Treasurer, which was afterwards known as Exeter House. It is very
doubtful if the theatre existed as such later than 1779.
There is an amusing reference to The Emperor of the Moon in The Spectator,
No. 22 (Steele), Monday, 26 March, 1711. 'Tour most humble servant,
William Serene' writes to Mr. Spectator bewailing the fact that nobody on
the stage rises according to merit. Although grown old in the playhouse
service, and having often appeared on the boards, he has never had a line
given him to speak. Nonetheless 'I have acted', he asserts, ' several Parts
of Household-stuff with great Applause for many years : I am one of the
Men in the Hangings in the Emperour of the Moon.' * Ralph Simple,
Serene's friend, in a subsequent letter begs that upon the gentleman's
promotion to speaking parts ' I may succeed him in the Hangings, with my
Hand in the Orange-trees'. These humorous allusions are ample evidence
of the popularity of Mrs. Behn's pantomime and the frequency with which
it was performed.
1 The allusion is of course to Act ii, in.
( 390 )
TO THE
LORD MARQUESS
OF
WORCESTER, &.
My Lord
It is a common Notion, that gathers as it goes, and is almost become a
vulgar Error, That Dedications in our Age, are only the effects of Flattery,
a form of Complement, and no more ; so that the Great, to whom they are
only due, decline those Noble Patronages that were so generally allow'd
the Ancient Poets ; since the Awful Custom has been so scandaliz'd by
mistaken Addresses, and many a worthy piece is lost for want of some
Honourable Protection, and sometimes many indifferent ones traverse the
World with that advantagious Pasport only.
This humble Offering, which I presume to lay at your Lordship's Feet,
is of that Critical Nature, that it does not only require the Patronage of a
great Title, but a great Man too, and there is often times a vast difference
between these two great things ; and amongst all the most Elevated, there
are but very few in whom an illustrious Birth and equal Parts compleat the
Hero ; but among these, your Lordship bears the first Rank, from a just
Claim, both of the glories of your Race and Vertues. Nor need we look
back into long past Ages, to bring down to ours the Magnanimous deeds
of your Ancestors : We need no more than to behold (what we have so
often done with wonder) those of the Great Duke of Beauford, your
Illustrious Father, whose every single Action is a glorious and lasting
President to all the future Great ; whose unshaken Loyalty, and all other
eminent Vertues, have rendred him to us, something more than Man, and
which alone, deserving a whole Volume, wou'd be here but to lessen his
Fame, to mix his Grandeurs with those of any other ; and while I am
addressing to the Son, who is only worthy of that Noble Blood he boasts,
and who gives the World a Prospect of those coming Gallantries that will
Equal those of his Glorious Father ; already, My Lord, all you say and do
is admir'd, and every touch of your Pen reverenc'd ; the Excellency and
Quickness of your Wit, is the Subject that fits the World most agreeably.
For my own part, I never presume to contemplate your Lordship, but my
Soul bows with a perfect Veneration to your Mighty Mind ; and while
I have ador'd the delicate Effects of your uncommon Wit, I have wish'd
DEDICATORY EPISTLE 391
for nothing more than an Opportunity of expressing my infinite Sense of
it ; and this Ambition, my Lord, was one Motive of my present Presumption
in Dedicating this Farce to your Lordship.
I am sensible, my Lord, how far the Word Farce might have offended
some, whose Titles of Honour, a Knack in dressing, or his Art in writing
a Billet Doux, had been his chiefest Talent, and who, without considering
the Intent, Character, or Nature of the thing, wou'd have cry'd out upon
the Language, and have damn'd it (because the Persons in it did not all talk
like Heros) as too debas'd and vulgar as to entertain a Man of Quality ; but
I am secure from this Censure, when your Lordship shall be its Judge,
whose refin'd Sence, and Delicacy of Judgment, will, thro' all the humble
Actions and trivialness of Business, find Nature there, and that Diversion
which was not meant for the Numbers, who comprehend nothing beyond
the Show and Buffoonry.
A very barren and thin hint of the Plot I had from the Italian, and
which, even as it was, was acted in France eighty odd times without
intermission. 'Tis now much alter'd,,and adapted to our English Theatre
and Genius, who cannot find an Entertainment at so cheap a Rate as the
French will, who are content with almost any Incoherences, howsoever
shuffled together under the Name of a Farce; which I have endeavour'd as
much as the thing wou'd bear, to bring within the compass of Possibility
and Nature, that I might as little impose upon the Audience as I cou'd ;
all the Words are wholly new, without one from the Original. 'Twas
calculated for His late Majesty of Sacred Memory, that Great Patron of
Noble Poetry, and the Stage, for whom the Muses must for ever mourn,
and whose Loss, only the Blessing of so Illustrious a Successor can ever
repair ; and 'tis a great Pity to see that best and most useful Diversion of
Mankind, whose Magnificence of old, was the most certain sign of a
flourishing State, now quite undone by the Misapprehension of the Ignorant,
and Mis-representing of the Envious, which evidently shows the World is
improv'd in nothing but Pride, 111 Nature, and affected Nicety ; and the
only Diversion of the Town now, is high Dispute, and publick Controversies
in Taverns, Coffee-houses, &. and those things which ought to be the
greatest Mysteries in Religion, and so rarely the Business of Discourse, are
turn'd into Ridicule, and look but like so many fanatical Stratagems to
ruine the Pulpit as well as the Stage. The Defence of the first is left to
the Reverend Gown, but the departing Stage can be no otherwise restor'd^
but by some leading Spirits, so Generous, so Publick, and so Indefatigable
as that of your Lordship, whose Patronages are sufficient to support it,
whose Wit and Judgment to defend it, and whose Goodness and Quality
to justifie it; such Encouragement wou'd inspire the Poets with new Arts
392 DEDICATORY EPISTLE
to please, and the Actors with Industry. "Twas this that occasion'd
so many Admirable Plays heretofore, as Shakes fear's, Fletcher's, and
Johnson's, and 'twas this alone that made the Town able to keep so many
Play-houses alive, who now cannot supply one. However, My Lord, I, for
my part, will no longer complain, if this Piece find but favour in your
Lordship's Eyes, and that it can be so happy to give your Lordship one
hour's Diversion, which is the only Honour and Fame is wish'd to crown
the Endeavours of,
My Lord,
Your Lordship's
Most Humble, and
Most Obedient
Servant,
A. BEHN.
( 393 )
THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON.
PROLOGUE,
Spoken by Mr. Jevern.
LONG, and at vast Expence, th 1 industrious Stage
Has strove to please a dull ungrateful Age :
With Heroes and with Gods we first began.
And thundered to you in heroick Strain :
Some flying Love-sick Queen each Night you injoy'd,
And with Magnificence at last were cloyed :
Our Drums and Trumpets frighted all the Women ;
Our Fighting scar'd the Beaux and Billet-Doux Men.
So Spark in an Intrigue of Quality,
Grows weary of his splendid Drudgery ;
Hates the Fatigue, and cries a Pox upon her,
What a damn d Bustle's here with Love and Honour ?
In humbler Comedy we next appear,
No Fop or Cuckold, but slap-dash we had him here ;
We showed you all, but you malicious grown, \
Friends Vices to expose, and hide your own ;
Cry, damn it This is such, or such a one. )
Yet nettled, Plague, what does the Scribler mean ?
With his damn'd Characters, and Plot obscene.
No Woman without Vizard in the Nation
Can see it twice, and keep her reputation
That's certain, Forgetting
That he himself, in every gross Lampoon,
Her leuder Secrets spread about the Town ;
Whilst their feign 1 d Niceness is but cautious Fear,
Their own Intrigues should be unravel'd here.
Our next Recourse was dwindling down to Farce,
Then Zounds, what Stuff's here ? 'tis all o'er my
Well, Gentlemen, since none of thc.se has sped,
394 PROLOGUE
Gad, we have bought a Share i'th 1 speaking Head.
So there you? II save a Sice, \
You love good Husbandry in all but Vice ,-
Whoring and drinking only bears a Price. )
[The Head rises upon a twisted Post, on a Bench from
under the Stage. After Jevern speaks to its Mouth.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Stentor. Oh! Oh! Oh!
[After this it sings Sawny, laughs, crys God bless the
King in order.
Stentor answers.
Speak louder, Jevern, if you'd have me repeat ;
Plague of this Rogue, he will betray the Cheat.
[He speaks louder, it answers indirectly.
Hum There 'tis again,
Pox of your Eccho with a Northern Strain.
Well This will be but a nine days Wonder too ;
There's nothing lasting but the Puppets Show.
What Ladies Heart's so hard, but it would move,
To hear Philander and Irene's Love?
Those Sisters too the scandalous Wits do say,
Two nameless keeping Beaux have made so gay ;
But those Amours are perfect Sympathy,
Their Gallants being as mere Machines as they.
Oh ! how the City Wife, with her nown Ninny,
Is charm'd with, Come into my Coach, Miss Jenny,
Miss Jenny.
But overturning Frible crys Adznigs,
The jogling Rogue has murdered all his Kids.
The Men of War cry, Pox ont, this is dull,
We are for rough Sports, D.og Hector, and the Bull.
Thus each in his degree, Diversion finds,
Tour Sports are suited to your mighty Minds ;
Whilst so much Judgment in your Choice you show,
The Puppets have more Sense than some of you.
(395)
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
Doctor Baliardo, Mr. Underbill.
Scaramouch, his Man, Mr. Lee.
Pedro, his Boy.
Don Cinthio, Don Charmante, both Nephews \ ,, ... ., .
, ,.. . , ' f -. f .\ Young Mr. Pozuel.
to the V tee-Roy, and Lovers of Elana and}-,., ,, ,. .
Mr. Mumford.
Bellemante, )
Harlequin, Cinthio's Man, , Mr. Je-vern.
Officer and Clerk.
Page.
WOMEN.
Elaria, Daughter to the Doctor, Mrs, Cooke.
Bellemante, Niece to the Doctor, Mrs. Mumford.
Florinda, Cousin to Elaria and Bellemante.
Mopsophil, Governante to the young Ladies, Mrs. Cory.
The Persons in the Moon, are Don Cinthio, Emperor; Don
Charmante, Prince o/"Thunderland.
Their Attendants, Persons that represent the Court Cards.
Keplair and Galileus, t<wo Philosophers.
Twelve Persons, representing the Figures of the twelve Signs of the
Zodiack.
Negroes, and Persons that dance.
Mustek, Kettle-Drums, and Trumpets.
The SCENE, NAPLES.
396 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
ACT I.
SCENE I. A Chamber.
Enter Elaria and Mopsophil.
I.
A CURSE upon that faithless Maid,
Who first her Sex's Liberty betray'd ;
Born free as Man to Love and Range,
Till nobler Nature did to Custom change.
Custom, that dull excuse for Fools,
Who think all Virtue to consist in Rules.
II.
From Love our Fetters never sprung ;
That smiling God, all wanton, gay and young,
Shows by his Wings he cannot be
Confined to a restless Slavery ;
But here and there at random roves,
Not fix*d to glittering Courts, or shady Groves.
III.
Then she that Constancy professed
Was but a well Dissembler at the best ;
And that imaginary Sway
She feign 1 d to give, in seeming to obey,
Was but the height of prudent Art,
To deal with greater liberty her Heart.
[AftertheSong.7tfn gives her Lute to Mopsophil.
Ela. This does not divert me ;
Nor nothing will, till Scaramouch return,
And bring me News of Cinthio.
sc. i] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 397
Mop. Truly I was so sleepy last Night, I know nothing
of the Adventure, for which you are kept so close a
Prisoner to day, and more strictly guarded than usual.
Ela. Cinthio came with Musick last Night under my
Window, which my Father hearing, sallied out with his
Mirmidons upon him ; and clashing of Swords I heard,
but what hurt was done, or whether Cinthio were discovered
to him, I know not; but the Billet I sent him now by
Scaramouch will occasion me soon Intelligence.
Mop. And see, Madam, where your trusty Roger comes.
Enter Scaramouch, peeping on all sides before he enters.
You may advance, and fear none but your Friends.
Scar. Away, and keep the door.
Ela. Oh, dear Scaramouch ! hast thou been at the Vice-
Roy's?
Scar. Yes, yes. [/ heat.
Ela. And hast thou delivered my Letter to his Nephew,
Don Cinthio?
Scar. Yes, yes, what should I deliver else ?
Ela. Well and how does he ?
Scar. Lord, how should he do ? Why, what a laborious
thing it is to be a Pimp? \_Fanning himself with his Cap.
Ela. Why, well he shou'd do.
Scar. So he is, as well as a Night-adventuring Lover
can be, he has got but one Wound, Madam.
Ela. How ! wounded say you ? Oh Heavens ! 'tis not
mortal.
Scar. Why, I have no great skill ; but they say it may
be dangerous.
Ela. I die with Fear, where is he wounded ?
Scar. Why, Madam, he is run quite through the
Heart, but the Man may live, if I please.
Ela. Thou please ! torment me not with Riddles.
Scar. Why, Madam, there is a certain cordial Balsam,
call'd a Fair Lady ; which outwardly applied to his Bosom,
398 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
will prove a better cure than all your Weapon or sympa-
thetick Powder, meaning your Ladyship.
Ela. Is Cinthio then not wounded ?
Scar. No otherwise than by your fair Eyes, Madam ;
he got away unseen and unknown.
Ela. Dost know how precious time is, and dost thou
fool it away thus ? What said he to my Letter ?
Scar. What should he say ?
Ela. Why, a hundred dear soft things of Love, kiss it
as often, and bless me for my Goodness.
Scar. Why, so he did.
Ela. Ask thee a thousand Questions of my Health after
my last night's fright.
Scar. So he did.
Ela. Expressing all the kind concern Love cou'd inspire,
for the Punishment my Father has inflicted on me, for
entertaining him at my Window last night.
Scar. All this he did.
Ela. And for my being confin'd a Prisoner to my
Apartment, without the hope or almost possibility of
seeing him any more.
Scar. There I think you are a little mistaken ; for be
sides the Plot that I have laid to bring you together all
this Night, there are such Stratagems a brewing, not
only to bring you together, but with your Father's consent
too ; such a Plot, Madam
Ela. Ay, that would be worthy of thy Brain ; prithee
what ?
Scar. Such a Device
Ela. I'm impatient.
Scar. Such a Conundrum, Well, if there be wise Men
and Conjurers in the World, they are intriguing Lovers.
Ela. Out with it.
Scar. You must know, Madam, your Father (my Master,
the Doctor) is a little whimsical, romantick, or Don-Quick-
sottish, or so.
sc. i] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 399
Ela. Or rather mad.
Scar. That were uncivil to be supposed by me; but
lunatic we may call him, without breaking the Decorum
of good Manners; for he is always travelling to the Moon.
Ela. And so religiously believes there is a World there,
that he Discourses as gravely of the People, their Govern
ment, Institutions, Laws, Manners, Religion, and Con
stitution, as if he had been bred a Machiavel there.
Scar. How came he thus infected first ?
Ela. With reading foolish Books, Lucian's Dialogue
of the Lofty Traveller, who flew up to the Moon, and
thence to Heaven ; an heroick Business, call'd The Man
in the Moon^ if you'll believe a Spaniard^ who was carried
thither, upon an Engine drawn by wild Geese ; with
another Philosophical Piece, ^A Discourse of the World in
the Moon ; with a thousand other ridiculous Volumes, too
hard to name.
Scar. Ay, this reading of Books is a pernicious thing.
I was like to have run mad once, reading Sir John Mandevil;
but to the business, I went, as you know, to Don
Cinthio's Lodgings, where I found him with his dear Friend
Charmante, laying their Heads together for a Farce.
Ela. Farce !
Scar. Ay, a Farce, which shall be call'd, The World
in the Moon : Wherein your Father shall be so impos'd on,
as shall bring matters most magnificently about.
Ela. I cannot conceive thee, but the Design must be
good, since Cinthio and Charmante own it.
Scar. In order to this, Charmante is dressing himself
like one of the Caballists of the Rosycrusian Order, and is
coming to prepare my credulous Master for the greater
Imposition. I have his Trinkets here to play upon him,
which shall be ready.
Ela. But the Farce, where is it to be acted ?
Scar. Here, here, in this very House ; I am to order
the Decorations, adorn a Stage, and place Scenes proper.
400 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
Ela. How can this be done without my Father's
Knowledge ?
Scar. You know the old Apartment next the great
Orchard, and the Worm-eaten Gallery that opens to the
River; which place for several Years no body has fre
quented ; there all things shall be acted proper for our
purpose.
Enter Mopsophil running.
Mop. Run, run, Scaramouch, my Master's conjuring for
you like mad below, he calls up all his little Devils with
horrid Names, his Microscope, his Horoscope, his Tele
scope, and all his Scopes.
Scar. Here, here, I had almost forgot the Letters ;
here's one for you, and one for Mrs. Bellemante. \_Runsout.
Enter Bellemante with a Book.
Bell. Here, take my Prayer-Book, Oh Ma tres chere.
[Embraces her.
Ela. Thy Eyes are always laughing, Bellemante.
Bell. And so would yours, had they been so well em-
ploy'd as mine, this morning. I have been at the Chapel,
and seen so many Beaus, such a number of Plumeys, I
cou'd not tell which I should look on most ; sometimes my
Heart was charm'd with the gay Blonding, then with the
melancholy Noire, anon the amiable Brunet ; sometimes
the bashful, then again the bold ; the little now, anon the
lovely tall : In fine, my Dear, I was embarass'd on all
sides, I did nothing but deal my Heart tout autour.
Ela. Oh, there was then no danger, Cousin.
Bell. No, but abundance of pleasure.
Ela. Why, this is better than sighing for Charmante.
Bell. That's when he's present only, and makes his
Court to me ; I can sigh to a Lover, but will never sigh
after him : but Oh, the Beaus, the Beaus, Cousin, that
I saw at Church.
Ela. Oh, you had great devotion to Heaven then !
sc. i] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 401
Bell. And so I had ; for I did nothing but admire its
Handy-work, but I cou'd not have pray'd heartily, if I had
been dying; but a duce on't, who shou'd come in and
spoil all but my Lover Charmante, so dress'd, so gallant,
that he drew together all the scatter'd fragments of my
Heart, confin'd my wandering Thoughts, and fixt 'em all
on him : Oh, how he look'd, how he was dress'd !
SINGS.
Chevalier a Cheveux blonds,
Plus de Mouche, plus de Poudre,
Plus de Ribons et Cannons.
Oh, what a dear ravishing thing is the beginning of an
Amour !
Ela. Thou'rt still in Tune, when wilt thou be tame,
Bellemante ?
Bell. When I am weary of loving, Elaria.
Ela. To keep up your Humour, here's a Letter from
your Charmante.
Bellemante reads.
MALICIOUS Creature, when wilt thou cease to torment
me, and either appear less charming, or more kind? I languish
when from you, and am wounded when I see you, and yet I am
eternally courting my Pain. Cinthio and I, are contriving
how we shall see you to Night. Let us not toil in vain ; we
ask but your consent ; the Pleasure will be all ours, ''tis therefore
fit we suffer all the Fatigue. Grant this, and love me, if you
will save the Life of
Your Charmante.
Live then, Charmante! Live as long as Love can last !
Ela. Well, Cousin, Scaramouch tells me of a rare design's
a hatching, to relieve us from this Captivity ; here are we
mew'd up to be espous'd to two Moon-calfs for ought I
know ; for the Devil of any human thing is suffer'd to
come near us without our Governante and Keeper, Mr.
Scaramouch.
Ill DD
4O2 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
Bell. Who, if he had no more Honesty and Conscience
than my Uncle, wou'd let us pine for want of Lovers : but
thanks be prais'd, the Generosity of our Cavaliers has
open'd their obdurate Hearts with a Golden Key, that
lets 'em in at all Opportunities. Come, come, let's in, and
answer their Billet-Doux. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Garden.
Enter Doctor, with all manner of Mathematical Instruments
hanging at his Girdle ; Scaramouch bearing a Telescope
twenty (or more) Foot long.
Doct. Set down the Telescope. Let me see, what
Hour is it ?
Scar. About six a Clock, Sir.
Doct. Then 'tis about the Hour that the great Monarch
of the Upper World enters into his Closet ; Mount, mount
the Telescope.
Scar. What to do, Sir?
Doct. I understand, at certain moments critical, one
may be snatch'd of such a mighty consequence, to let the
Sight into the Secret Closet.
Scar. How, Sir, peep into the King's Closet ! under
favour, Sir, that will be something uncivil.
Doct. Uncivil ! it were flat Treason if it should be
known ; but thus unseen, and as wise Politicians shou'd,
I take survey of all : This is the Statesman's Peeping-hole,
thorow which he steals the Secrets of his King, and
seems to wink at distance.
Scar. The very Key-hole, Sir, thorow which, with half
an Eye, he sees him even at his Devotion, Sir.
\_A knocking at the Garden-gate.
Doct. Take care none enter. [Scar, goes to the Door.
Scar. Oh, Sir, Sir, here's some strange great Man come
to wait on you.
Doct. Great Man ! from whence ?
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 403
Scar. Nay, from the Moon- World, for ought I know,
for he looks not like the People of the lower Orb.
Doct. Ha ! and that may be ; wait on him in. [Exit Scar.
Enter Scaramouch bare, bowing before Charmante, dress'd
in a strange fantastical Habit, with Harlequin ; salutes
the Doctor.
Char. Doctor Baliardo, most learned Sir, all Hail !
Hail from the great Caballa of Eutopia.
Doct. Most reverend Bard^ thrice welcome.
[Salutes him low.
Char. The Fame of your great Learning, Sir, and
Virtue is known with Joy to the renown'd Society.
Doct. Fame, Sir, has done me too much Honour, to
bear my Name to the renownM Caballa.
Char. You must not attribute it all to Fame, Sir, they
,are too learned and wise to take up things from Fame,
Sir : our Intelligence is by ways more secret and sublime,
the Stars, and little Daemons of the Air inform us all
things, past, present, and to come.
Doct. I must confess the Count of Gabalis renders it
plain, from Writ divine and humane, thereare such friendly
and intelligent Daemons.
Char. I hope you do not doubt that Doctrine, Sir, which
holds that the Four Elements are peopled with Persons of
a Form and Species more divine than vulgar Mortals
those of the fiery Regions we call the Salamanders, they
beget Kings and Heroes, with Spirits like their Deietical
Sires; the lovely Inhabitants of the Water, we call
Nymphs ; those of the Earth are Gnomes or Fairies ; those
of the Air are Sylphs. These, Sir, when in Conjunction
with Mortals, beget immortal Races ; such as the first-born
Man, which had continu'd so, had the first Man ne'er
doated on a Woman.
Doct. I am of that opinion, Sir; Man was not made
for Woman.
404 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
Char. Most certain, Sir, Man was to have been immor-
taliz'd by the Love and Conversation of these charming
Sylphs and Nymphs, and Women by the Gnomes and
Salamanders, and to have stock'd the World with Demi-
Gods, such as at this Day inhabit the Empire of the Moon.
Doct. Most admirable Philosophy and Reason ! But
do these Sylphs and Nymphs appear in Shapes?
Char. The most beautiful of all the Sons and Daughters
of the Universe : Fancy, Imagination is not half so charm
ing : And then so soft, so kind ! but none but the Caballa
and their Families are blest with their divine Addresses.
Were you but once admitted to that Society
Doct. Ay, Sir, what Virtues or what Merits can accom
plish me for that great Honour?
Char. An absolute abstinence from carnal thought,
devout and pure of Spirit ; free from Sin.
Doct. I dare not boast my Virtues, Sir; Is there no way
to try my Purity?
Char. Are you very secret ?
Doct. 'Tis my first Principle, Sir.
Char. And one, the most material in our Rosycrusian
order. Please you to make a Tryal ?
Doct. As how, Sir, I beseech you?
Char. If you be thorowly purg'd from Vice, the
Opticles of your Sight will be so illuminated, that glancing
through this Telescope, you may behold one of these
lovely Creatures, that people the vast Region of the Air.
Doct. Sir, you oblige profoundly.
Char. Kneel then, and try your strength of Virtue.
Sir, Keep your Eye fix'd and open. [He looks in the Telescope.
\While be is looking, Charmante goes to the Door to
Scaramouch, who waited on purpose without^ and
takes a Glass with a Picture of a Nymph on ;Y, and
a Light behind it ; that as he brings it, it shews to
the Audience. Goes to the end of the Telescope.
Can you discern, Sir ?
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 405
Doct. Methinks, I see a kind of glorious Cloud drawn
up and now, 'tis gone again.
Char. Saw you no Fuger ?
Doct. None.
Char. Then make a short Prayer to Alikin, the Spirit
.of_the East; shake off all earthly Thoughts, and look
again.
\_Heprays. Charmante/wfr the Glass into the Mouth
of the Telescope.
Doct. Astonish'd, ravish'd with Delight, I see a
Beauty young and Angel-like, leaning upon a Cloud.
Char. Seems she on a Bed ? then she's reposing, and
you must not gaze.
Doct. Now a Cloud veils her from me.
Char. She saw you peeping then, and drew the Curtain
of the Air between.
Doct. I am all Rapture, Sir, at this rare Vision is't
possible, Sir, that I may ever hope the Conversation of so
divine a Beauty ?
Char. Most possible, Sir; they will court you, their
whole delight is to immortalize Alexander was begot by
a Salamander, that visited his Mother in the form of a
Serpent, because he would not make King Philip jealous;
and that famous Philosopher Merlin was begotten on a
Vestal Nun, a certain King's Daughter, by a most beautiful
young Salamander ; as indeed all the Heroes, and Men of
mighty Minds are.
Doct. Most excellent !
Char. The Nymph Egeria, inamour'd on Numa Pom-
pilius, came to him invisible to all Eyes else, and gave him
all his Wisdom and Philosophy. Zoroaster, Trismegisttu.
Apuleius, Aquinius, Albertus Magnus, Socrates and Virgil
had their Zilphid, which the Foolish call'd their Daemon
or Devil. But you are wise, Sir.
Doct. But do you imagine, Sir, they will fall in love with
an old Mortal?
406 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
Char. They love not like the Vulgar, 'tis the immortal
Part they doat upon.
Doct. But, Sir, I have a Niece and Daughter which I love
equally, were it not possible they might be immortaliz'd ?
Char. No doubt on't, Sir, if they be pure and chaste.
Doct. I think they are, and I'll take care to keep 'em so;
for I confess, Sir, I would fain have a Hero to my Grandson.
Char. You never saw the Emperor of the Moon, Sir,
the mighty Iredonozar ?
Doct. Never, Sir ; his Court I have, but 'twas confus
edly too.
Char. Refine your Thoughts, Sir, by a Moment's Prayer,
and try again. \_He prays. Char, claps the Glass with the
Emperor on /V, he looks in and sees it.
Doct. It is too much, too much for mortal Eyes ! I see
a Monarch seated on a Throne but seems most sad and
pensive.
Char. Forbear then, Sir ; for now his Love-Fit's on,
and then he wou'd be private.
Doct. His Love-Fit, Sir !
Char. Ay, Sir, the Emperor's in love with some fair
Mortal.
Doct. And can he not command her ?
Char. Yes, but her Quality being too mean, he struggles,
though a King, 'twixt Love and Honour.
Doct. It were too much to know the Mortal, Sir ?
Char. 'Tis yet unknown, Sir, to the Caballists, who now
are using all their Arts to find her, and serve his Majesty ;
but now my great Affair deprives me of you : To morrow,
Sir, I'll wait on you again; and now I've try'd your Virtue,
tell you Wonders.
Doct. I humbly kiss your Hands, most learned Sir.
[Charmante goes out. Doctor waits on him to the Door^
and returns: to him Scaramouch. All this while
Harlequin was hid in the Hedges^ peeping now and
then, and when his Master went out he was left behind.
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 407
Scar. So, so, Don Charmante has played his Part most
exquisitely; I'll in and see how it works in his Pericranium.
Did you call, Sir?
Doct. Scaramouch^ I have, for thy singular Wit and
Honesty, always had a Tenderness for thee above that of
a Master to a Servant.
Scar. I must confess it, Sir.
Doct. Thou hast Virtue and Merit that deserves much.
Scar. Oh Lord, Sir !
Doct. And I may make thee great ; all I require, is,
that thou wilt double thy diligent Care of my Daughter
and my Niece ; for there are mighty things design'd for
them, if we can keep 'em from the sight of Man.
Scar. The sight of Man, Sir !
Doct. Ay, and the very Thoughts of Man.
Scar. What Antidote is there to be given to a young
Wench, against the Disease of Love and Longing?
Doct. Do you your Part, and because I know thee discreet
and very secret, I will hereafter discover Wonders to thee.
On pain of Life, look to the Girls; that's your Charge.
Scar. Doubt me not, Sir, and I hope your Reverence
will reward my faithful Services with Mopsophil^ your
Daughter's Governante, who is rich, and has long had my
Affection, Sir. [Harlequin peeping^ cries Oh Traitor!
Doct. Set not thy Heart on transitory Mortal, there's
better things in store besides, I have promis'd her to a
Farmer for his Son. Come in with me, and bring the
Telescope. \_Ex. Doctor and Scaramouch.
Harlequin comes out on the Stage.
Har. My Mistress Mopsophil to marry a Farmer's Son !
What, am I then forsaken, abandon'd by the false fair One?
If I have Honour, I must die with Rage ;
Reproaching gently, and complaining madly.
It is resolv'd, I'll hang my self No, when did I ever hear
of a Hero that hang'd him self? No, 'tis the Death of
408 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
Rogues. What if I drown my self? No, Useless Dogs
and Puppies are drown'd ; a Pistol or a Caper on my own
Sword wou'd look more nobly, but that I have a natural
Aversion to Pain. Besides, it is as vulgar as Rats-bane, or
the slicingof the Weasand. No, I'll die a Death uncommon,
and leave behind me an eternal Fame. I have somewhere
read an Author, either antient or modern, of a Man that
laugh'd to death. I am very ticklish, and am resolv'd to
die that Death. Oh, Mopsophil, my cruel Mopsophil!
[Pulls off" his Hat, Sword and Shoes.
And now, fare wel the World, fond Love, and mortal Cares.
\_Hefalls to tickle himself, his Head, his Ears, his Arm
pits, Hands, Sides, and Soles of his Feet ; mating
ridiculous Cries and Noises of Laughing several ways,
with Antick Leaps and Skips, at last falls down as dead.
Enter Scaramouch.
Scar. Harlequin was left in the Garden, I'll tell him the
News of Mopsophil. [Going forward, tumbles over him.
Ha, what's here ? Harlequin dead !
[Heaving him up, he flies into a Rage.
Har. Who is't that thus wou'd rob me of my Honour ?
Scar. Honour, why I thought thou'dst been dead.
Har. Why, so I was, and the most agreeably dead.
Scar. I came to bemoan with thee the mutual loss of
our Mistress.
Har. I know it, Sir, I know it, and that thou art as
false as she : Was't not a Covenant between us, that
neither shou'd take advantage of the other, but both shou'd
have fair play, and yet you basely went to undermine me,
and ask her of the Doctor ; but since she's gone, I scorn
to quarrel for her But let's like loving Brothers, hand in
hand, leap from some Precipice into the Sea.
Scar. What, and spoil all my Clothes ? I thank you for
that ; no, I have a newer way : you know I lodge four
pair of Stairs high, let's ascend hither, and after saying
our Prayers
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 409
Har. Prayers ! I never heard of a dying Hero that ever
pray'd.
Scar. Well, I'll not stand with you for a Trifle Being
come up, I'll open the Casement, take you by the Heels,
and sling you out into the Street ; after which, you have no
more to do, but to come up and throw me down in my turn.
Har. The Atchievement's great and new ; but now
I think on't, I'm resolv'd to hear my Sentence from the
Mouth of the perfidious Trollop, for yet I cannot credit it.
I'll to the Gipsy, though I venture banging,
To be undeceiv'd, 'tis hardly worth the hanging.
\_Exeunt.
SCENE III. The Chamber o/Bellemante.
Enter Scaramouch groping.
Scar. So, I have got rid of my Rival, and shall here get
an Opportunity to speak with Mopsophil ; for hither she
must come anon, to lay the young Lady's Night-things in
order; I'll hide my self in some Corner till she come.
{Goes on to the further side of the Stage.
Enter Harlequin groping.
Har. So, I made my Rival believe I was gone, and hid
my self till I got this Opportunity to steal to MopsophiTs
Apartment, which must be hereabouts ; for from these
Windows she us'd to entertain my Love. Advances.
Scar. Ha, I hear a soft Tread, if it were MopsophiTs,
she wou'd not come by dark.
[Harlequin advancing runs against a Table, and almost
strikes himself backwards.
Har. What was that ? a Table, there I may obscure
my self. [ Groping for the Table.
What a Devil, is it vanish'd ?
Scar. Devil, vanish'd ! What can this mean ? 'Tis a
Man's Voice. If it should be my Master the Doctor now,
4io THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
I were a dead Man ; he can't see me ; and I'll put my
self into such a Posture, that if he feel me, he shall as soon
take me for a Church Spout as a Man.
\_He puts himself into a Posture ridiculous, his Arms
a-kimbo, his Knees wide open, his Backside almost
touching the Ground, his Mouth stretched wide, and
Eyes staring. Har. groping thrusts his Hand into his
Mouth, he bites him, the other dares not cry out.
Har. Ha, what's this? all Mouth, with twenty rows
of Teeth. Now dare not I cry out, lest the Doctor shou'd
come, find me here, and kill me I'll try if it be mortal.
\_Making damnable Faces and signs of Pain, he draws
a Dagger. Scar, feels the Point of it, and shrinks
back, letting go his Hand.
Scar. Who the Devil can this be? I felt a Poniard,
and am glad I sav'd my Skin from pinking. [Steals out.
[Harlequin groping about, finds the Table, on which
there is a Carpet, and creeps under it, listning.
Enter Bellemante, with a Candle in one Hand, and a Book
in the other.
Bell. I am in a Belle Humor for Poetry to-night ;
I'll make some Boremes on Love. [She writes and studies.
Out of a great Curiosity, A Shepherd did demand of me.
No, no, A Shepherd this implored of me.
[Scratches out, and writes a-new.
Ay, ay, so it shall go. Tell me, said he, can you resign ?
Resign, ay, what shall rhyme to Resign? Tell me, said
he. [_She lays down the Tablets, and walks about.
[Harlequin peeps from under the Table, takes the Book,
writes in it, and lays it up before she can turn.
[Reads. ~\ Ay, ay, so it shall be, Tell me, said he, my
Bellemante; Will you be kind to your Charmante ?
[Reads those two lines, and is amazd.
Ha, Heav'ns! What's this? I am amaz'd !
And yet I'll venture once more. [If rites and studies.
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 411
/ blushed and veil'd my wishing Eyes.
[Lays down the Book, and walks as before.
Wishing Eyes ! [ Har. writes as before.
[She turns and takes the Tablet.
And answered only with my Sighs.
Ha ! What is this ? Witchcraft, or some Divinity of Love ?
Some Cupid sure invisible.
Once more I'll try the Charm. [Writes.
Cou'd I a better way my Love impart ?
[Studies and walks.
Impart [ffe writes as before.
And without speaking, tell him all my Heart.
'Tis here again, but where's the Hand that writ it?
\_Looks about.
The little Deity that will be seen
But only in his Miracles. It cannot be a Devil,
For here's no Sin nor Mischief in all this.
Enter Charmante. She hides the Tablet, he steps to
her, and snatches it from her and reads.
Char, reads.
Out of a great Curiosity,
A Shepherd this implored of me.
Tell me, said he, my Bellemante,
Will you be kind to your Charmante ?
/ blush' d, and veil d my wishing Eyes,
And answered only with my Sighs.
Cou'd I a better way my Love impart?
And without speaking, tell him all my Heart.
Char. Whose is this different Character ? [Looks angry.
Bell. 'Tis yours for ought I know.
Char. Away, my Name was put here for a blind.
What Rhiming Fop have you been clubbing Wit withal ?
Bell. Ah! man Dieu! Charmante jealous ?
Char. Have I not cause? Who writ these Boremes?
412 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
Bell. Some kind assisting Deity, for ought I know.
Char. Some kind assisting Coxcomb, that I know.
The Ink's yet wet, the Spark is near I find.
Bell. Ah, Malheureuse! How was I mistaken in this
Man ?
Char. Mistaken ! What, did you take me for an easy
Fool to be impos'd upon? One that wou'd be cuckolded
by every feather'd Fool ; that you'd call a Beau un Gallant
Homme. 'Sdeath ! Who wou'd doat upon a fond She-Fop ?
a vain conceited amorous Coquette.
[Goes out y she pulls him back.
Enter Scaramouch running.
Sea. Oh Madam ! hide your Lover, or we are all un
done.
Char. I will not hide, till I know the thing that made
the Verses. [ The Doctor calling as on the Stairs.
Doct. Bellemante^ Niece, Bellemante.
Scar. She's coming, Sir. Where, where shall I hide
him ? Oh, the Closet's open !
[ Thrusts him into the Closet by force.
Enter Doctor.
Doct. Oh Niece ! Ill Luck, 111 Luck, I must leave you
to night; my Brother the Advocate is sick, and has sent
for me ; 'tis three long Leagues, and dark as 'tis, I must
go. They say he is dying. Here, take my Keys,
[Pulls out his KeySy one fa Us down.
and go into my Study, and look over all my Papers, and
bring me all those mark'd with a Cross and figure of Three,
they concern my Brother and I.
[She looks on Scaramouch, and makes pitiful Signs^ and
goes out.
Come, Scaramouch, and get me ready for my Journey ;
and on your Life, let not a Door be open'd till my
Return. [Exeunt.
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 413
Enter Mopsophil. Har. peeps from under the Table.
Har. Ha ! Mopsophil, and alone !
Mop. Well, 'tis a delicious thing to be rich ; what a
world of Lovers it invites : I have one for every Hand,
and the Favorite for my Lips.
Har. Ay, him wou'd I be glad to know. [Peeping.
Mop. But of all my Lovers, I am for the Farmer's Son,
because he keeps a Calash and I'll swear a Coach is the
most agreeable thing about a Man.
Har. Ho, ho !
Mop. Ah, me, What's that ?
[He answers in a shrill Voice.
Har. The Ghost of a poor Lover, dwindled into a
Hey ho. [He rises from under the Table, and falls at her Feet.
Scaramouch enters. She runs off" squeaking.
Scar. Ha, My Rival and my Mistress !
Is this done like a Man of Honour, Monsieur Harlequin,
to take advantages to injure me? [Draws.
Har. Advantages are lawful in Love and War.
Scar. 'Twas contrary to our League and Covenant ;
therefore I defy thee as a Traytor.
Har. I scorn to fight with thee, because I once call'd
thee Brother.
Scar. Then thou art a Poltroon, that's to say, a Coward.
Har. Coward ! nay, then I am provok'd, come on.
Scar. Pardon me, Sir, I gave the Coward, and you
ought to strike.
[ They go to fight ridiculously, and ever as Scaramouch
passes, Harlequin leaps aside, and skips so nimbly
about, he cannot touch him for his Life ; which after a
while endeavouring in vain, he lays down his Sword.
If you be for dancing, Sir, I have my Weapons for all
occasions. [Scar, pulls out a Flute Doux, and falls to
playing. Har. throws down his, and falls a
dancing; after the Dance, they shake hands.
414 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT i
Har. Ha man ban ami. Is not this better than duelling ?
Scar. But not altogether so heroick, Sir. Well, for the
future, let us have fair play ; no Tricks to undermine each
other, but which of us is chosen to be the happy Man, the
other shall be content.
Ela. \Within.~\ Cousin Bellemante, Cousin.
Scar. 'Slife, let's be gone, lest we be seen in the Ladies
Apartment. [Scar, slips Harlequin behind the Door.
Enter Elaria.
Ela. How now, how came you here ?
Scar. [Signs to Har. to go out.~\ I came to tell you,
Madam, my Master's just taking Mule to go his Journey
to Night, and that Don Cinthio is in the Street, for a lucky
moment to enter in.
Ela. But what if any one by my Father's Order, or he
himself should by some chance surprize us?
Scar. If we be, I have taken order against a Discovery.
I'll go see if the old Gentleman be gone, and return with
your Lover. [Goes out.
Ela. I tremble, but know not whether 'tis with Fear
or Joy.
Enter Cinthio.
Gin. My dear Elaria
[Runs to imbrace her. She starts from him.
Ha, shun my Arms, Elaria!
Ela. Heavens! Why did you come so soon?
Gin. Is it too soon, whene'er 'tis safe, Elaria ?
Ela. I die with Fear Met you not Scaramouch ?
He went to bid you wait a while; what shall I do?
Gin. Why this Concern ? none of the House has seen
me. I saw your Father taking Horse.
Ela. Sure you mistake, methinks I hear his Voice.
Doct. [Below.'] My Key The Key of my Laboratory.
Why, Knave Scaramouch, where are you ?
Ela. Do you hear that, Sir ? Oh, I'm undone !
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 415
Where shall I hide you ? He approaches.
\_She searches where to hide him.
Ha ! my Cousin's Closet's open, step in a little.
[He goes in, she puts out the Candle.
Enter the Doctor. She gets round the Chamber to the Door,
and as he advances in, she steals out.
Doct. Here I must have dropt it ; a Light, a Light there.
Enter Cinthio,/r0;w the Closet, pulls Charmante out, they
not knowing each other.
Cm. Oh, this perfidious Woman ! No marvel she was
so surpriz'd and angry at my Approach to Night.
Cha. Who can this be? but I'll be prepar'd.
[Lays his Hand on his Sword.
Doct. Why, Scaramouch, Knave, a Light !
[Turns to the Door to call.
Enter Scaramouch with a Light, and seeing the two Lovers
there, runs against his Master, puts out the Candle, and
flings him down and falls over him. At the entrance of the
Candle, Charmante slipt from Cinthio into the Closet.
Cinthio gropes to find him ; when Mopsophil and Elaria,
hearing a great Noise, enter with a Light. Cinthio finding
he was discovered falls to acting a Mad-man, Scaramouch
helps up the Doctor, and bows.
Ha, a Man, and in my House, Oh dire Misfortune !
Who are you, Sir?
Cin. Men call me Gog Magog, the Spirit of Power;
My Right-hand Riches holds, my Left-hand Honour.
Is there a City Wife wou'd be a Lady ? Bring her to me,
Her easy Cuckold shall be dubb'd a Knight.
Ela. Oh Heavens ! a Mad-man, Sir.
Cin. Is there a tawdry Fop wou'd have a Title ?
A rich Mechanick that wou'd be an Alderman ?
Bring 'em to me,
4i 6 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACTI, sc. in
And I'll convert that Coxcomb, and that Blockhead, into
Your Honour and Right- Worshipful.
Doct. Mad, stark mad ! Why, Sirrah, Rogue Scara
mouch How got this Mad-man in ?
[While /^Doctor turns to Scaramouch, Cinthio speaks
softly to Elaria.
Cm. Oh, thou perfidious Maid ! Who hast thou hid
in yonder conscious Closet? [Aside to her.
Scar. Why, Sir, he was brought in a Chair for your
Advice; but how he rambled from the Parlour to this
Chamber, I know not.
Cm. Upon a winged Horse, ycleped Pegasus,
Swift as the fiery Racers of the Sun,
I fly I fly-
See how I mount, and cut the liquid Sky. [Runs out.
Doct. Alas, poor Gentleman, he's past all Cure.
But, Sirrah, for the future, take you care that no young
mad Patients be brought into my House.
Scar. I shall, Sir, and see, here's your Key you
look'd for.
Doct. That's well ; I must be gone Bar up the Doors,
and upon Life or Death let no man enter.
[Exit Doctor, and all with him, with the Light.
Charmante peeps out and by degrees comes all out,
listning every step.
Char. Who the Devil cou'd that be that puli'd me from
the Closet ? but at last I'm free, and the Doctor's gone ;
I'll to Cinthio, and bring him to pass this Night with our
Mistresses. [Exit.
As he is gone off, enter Cinthio groping.
Gin. Now for this lucky Rival, if his Stars will make
this last part of his Adventure such. I hid my self in the
next Chamber, till I heard the Doctor go, only to return
to be reveng'd. [He gropes his way into the Closet, with
hts Sword drawn.
ACT ii, sc. i] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 417
Enter Elaria with a Light.
Ela. Scaramouch tells me Charmante is conceal'd in the
Closet, whom Cinthio surely has mistaken for some Lover
of mine, and is jealous ; but I'll send Charmante after him,
to make my peace and undeceive him. [Goes to the Door.
Sir, Sir, where are you? they are all gone, you may
adventure out. [Cinthio comes out.
Ha, Cinthio here ?
Cin. Yes, Madam, to your shame :
Now your Perfidiousness is plain, false Woman,
'Tis well your Lover had the dexterity of escaping, Fad
spoil'd his making Love else. [Goes from her, she holds him.
Ela. Prithee hear me.
Cin. But since my Ignorance of his Person saves his Life,
live and possess him, till I can discover him. [Goes out.
Ela. Go, peevish Fool
Whose Jealousy believes me given to change,
Let thy own Torments be my just Revenge. [Exit.
The End of the First Act.
ACT II.
SCENE I. A Chamber in the Doctor's House.
An Antick Dance.
After the Musick has plaid, enter Elaria ; to her Bellemante.
Ela. Heavens, Bellemante! Where have you been?
Bell. Fatigu'd with the most disagreeable Affair, for a
Person of my Humour, in the World. Oh, how I hate
Business, which I do no more mind, than a Spark does the
Sermon, who is ogling his Mistress at Church all the
while : I have been ruffling over twenty Reams of Paper
for my Uncle's Writings.
Enter Scaramouch.
Scar. So, so, the old Gentleman is departed this wicked
III E E
4i 8 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
World, and the House is our own for this Night. Where
are the Sparks ? where are the Sparks ?
Ela. Nay, Heaven knows.
Bell. How! I hope not so; I left Charmante confin'd
to my Closet, when my Uncle had like to have surpriz'd
us together : Is he not here ?
Ela. No, he's escap'd, but he has made sweet doings.
Bell. Heavens, Cousin ! What ?
Ela. My Father was coming into the Chamber, and
had like to have taken Cinthio with me, when, to conceal
him, I put him into your Closet, not knowing of Char
mante' 's being there, and which, in the dark, he took for a
Gallant of mine ; had not my Father's Presence hinder'd,
I believe there had been Murder committed ; however
they both escap'd unknown.
Scar. Pshaw, is that all ? Lovers Quarrels are soon
Adjusted ; I'll to 'em, unfold the Riddle, and bring 'em
back take no care, but go in and dress you for the Ball ;
Mopsophil has Habits which your Lovers sent to put on :
the Fiddles, Treat, and all are prepar'd. [Exit.
Enter Mopsophil.
Mop. Madam, your Cousin Florinda y with a Lady, are
come to visit you.
Bell. I'm glad on't, 'tis a good Wench, and we'll trust
her with our Mirth and Secret. [They go out.
SCENE II. Changes to the Street.
Enter Page with a Flambeaux^ followed by Cinthio ; passes over
the Stage. Scaramouch follows Cinthio in a Campaign Coat.
Scar. 'Tis Cinthio Don Cinthio. [Calls, he turns.
Well, what's the Quarrel ? How fell ye out ?
Cin. You may inform your self I believe, for these close
Intrigues cannot be carried on without your Knowledge.
Scar. What Intrigues, Sir? be quick, for I'm in haste.
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 419
Cin. Who was the Lover I surpriz'd i'th' Closet ?
Scar. Deceptio visus* Sir ; the Error of the Eyes.
Cin. Thou Dog, I felt him too; but since the Rascal
'scaped me, I'll be reveng'd on thee.
[Goes to beat him; he running away, runs against
Harlequin, who is entering with Charmante, and
like to have thrown 'em both down.
Char. Ha, What's the matter here?
Scar. Seignior Don Charmante.
[ Then he struts courageously in with 'em.
Char. What, Cinthio in a Rage !
Who's the unlucky Object?
Cin. All Man and Woman Kind : Elaria's false.
Char. Elaria false ! take heed, sure her nice Virtue
Is proof against the Vices of her Sex.
Say rather Bel/emante,
She who by Nature 's light and wavering.
The Town contains not such a false Impertinent.
This Evening I surpriz'd her in her Chamber,
Writing of Verses, and between her Lines
Some Spark had newly pen'd his proper Stuff.
Curse of the Jilt, I'll be her Fool no more.
Har. I doubt you are mistaken in that, Sir, for 'twas
I was the Spark that writ the proper Stuff
To do you service.
Char. Thou!
Scar. Ay, we that spend our Lives and Fortunes here
to serve you, to be us'd like Pimps and Scoundrels.
Come, Sir, satisfy him who 'twas was hid i'th' Closet,
when he came in and found you.
Cin. Ha, is't possible? Was it Charmante?
Char. Was it you, Cinthio ? Pox on't, what Fools are
we, we cou'd not know one another by Instinct?
Scar. Well, well, dispute no more this clear Case, but
let's hasten to your Mistresses.
Cin. I'm asham'd to appear before Elaria.
420 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
Char. And I to Bellemante.
Scar. Come, come, take Heart of Grace ; pull your
Hats down over your Eyes ; put your Arms across ; sigh
and look scurvily ; your simple Looks are ever a Token
of Repentance : come come along. [Exeunt Omnes.
SCENE III. Changes to the Inside of the House. The Front
of the Scene is only a Curtain or Hangings, to be drawn
up at Pleasure.
Enter Elaria, Bellemante, Mopsophil, Florinda, and
Ladies^ dress 'd in Masking Habits.
Ela. I am extremely pleas'd with these Habits, Cousin.
Bell. They are a la Gothic and Uncommune.
Flor. Your Lovers have a very good Fancy, Cousin,
I long to see 'em.
Ela. And so do I. I wonder Scaramouch stays so, and
what Success he has.
Bell. You have no cause to doubt, you can so easily
acquit your self; but I, what shall I do ? who can no more
imagine who shou'd write those Boremes, than who I shall
love next, if I break off with Charmante.
Flor. If he be a Man of Honour, Cousin, when a Maid
protests her Innocence
Bell. Ay, but he's a Man of Wit too, Cousin, and
knows when Women protest most, they likely lye most.
Ela. Most commonly, for Truth needs no asseveration.
Bell. That's according to the Disposition of your Lover,
for some believe you most, when you most abuse and cheat
'em ; some are so obstinate, they wou'd damn a Woman
with Protesting, before she can Convince 'em.
Ela. Such a one is not worth convincing, I wou'd not
make the World wise at the expence of a Virtue.
Bell. Nay, he shall e'en remain as Heaven made him
for me, since there are Men enough for all uses.
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 421
Enter Charmante and Cinthio, dress'd in their Gothic
Habits, Scaramouch, Harlequin and Musick.
Charmante and Cinthio kneel.
Gin. Can you forgive us ? [Elaria takes him up.
Bell. That, Cinthio, you're convinc'd, I do not wonder;
but how Charmante is inspir'd, I know not. [Takes him up.
Char. Let it suffice, I'm satisfy'd, my Bellemante.
Ela. Pray know my Cousin Florinda.
[ They salute the Lady.
Bell. Come, let us not lose time, since we are all Friends.
Char. The best use we can make of it, is to talk of
Love.
Bell. Oh ! we shall have time enough for that hereafter;
besides, you may make Love in Dancing as well as in
Sitting ; you may gaze, sigh, and press the Hand, and now
and then receive a Kiss, what wou'd you more ?
Char. Yes, wish a little more.
Bell. We were unreasonable to forbid you that cold Joy,
nor shall you wish long in vain, if you bring Matters so
about, to get us with my Uncle's Consent.
Ela. Our Fortunes depending solely on his Pleasure,
which are too considerable to lose.
Cin. All things are order'd as I have written you at
large ; our Scenes and all our Properties are ready ; we
have no more to do but to banter the old Gentleman into
a little more Faith, which the next Visit of our new
Cabalist Charmante will complete. [The Musick plays.
Enter some Anticks^ and dance. They all sit the while.
Ela. Your Dancers have performed well, but 'twere
fit we knew who we have trusted with this Evening's
Intrigue.
Cin. Those, Madam, who are to assist us in carrying
on a greater Intrigue, the gaining of you. They are our
Kinsmen.
Ela. Then they are doubly welcome.
422 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
[Here is a Song in Dialogue, with Flute Doux and
Harpsicals, between a Shepherd and 'Shepherdess ;
which ended, they all dance a Figure Dance.
Gin. Hark, what Noise is that? sure 'tis in the next
Room.
Doctor [Within.~\ Scaramouch, Scaramouch!
[Scaramouch runs to the Door, and holds it fast.
Scar. Ha, the Devil in the likeness of my old Master's
Voice, for it is impossible it should be he himself.
Char. If it be he, how got he in? did you not secure
the Doors?
Ela. He always has a Key to open 'em. Oh! what shall
we do ? there's no escaping him ; he's in the next Room,
through which you are to pass.
Doct. \WithinI\ Scaramouch, Knave, where are you?
Scar. 'Tis he, 'tis he, follow me all
[He goes with all the Company behind the Front Curtain.
Doct. [Within.~\ I tell you, Sirrah, I heard the noise of
Fiddles.
Peter. [IFithin.] No surely, Sir, 'twas a Mistake.
[Knocking at the Door.
[Scaramouch having placed them all in the Hanging, in
which they make the Figures, where they stand without
Motion in Postures, he comes out. He opens the Door
with a Candle in his Hand.
Enter the Doctor and Peter with a Light.
Scar. Bless me, Sir ! Is it you or your Ghost ?
Doct. 'Twere good for you, Sir, if I were a thing of
Air ; but as I am a substantial Mortal, I will lay it on as
substantially [Canes him. He cries.
Scar. What d'ye mean, Sir? what d'ye mean?
Doct. Sirrah, must I stand waiting your Leisure, while
you are roguing here? I will reward ye. [Beats him.
Scar. Ay, and I shall deserve it richly, Sir, when you
know all.
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 423
Doct. I guess all, Sirrah, and I heard all, and you shall
be rewarded for all. Where have you hid the Fiddles, you
Rogue ?
Scar. Fiddles, Sir !
Doct. Ay, Fiddles, Knave.
Scar. Fiddles, Sir ! Where ?
Doct. Here, here I heard 'em, thou false Steward of thy
Master's Treasure.
Scar. Fiddles, Sir ! Sure 'twas Wind got into your
Head, and whistled in your Ears, riding so late, Sir.
Doct. Ay, thou false Varlet, there's another debt I owe
thee, for bringing me so damnable a Lye : my Brother's
well I met his Valet but a League from Town, and
found thy Roguery out. \_Beats him. He cries.
Scar. Is this the Reward I have for being so diligent
since you went?
Doct. In what, thou Villain ? in what ?
[The Curtain is drawn up, and discovers the Hangings
where all of them stand.
Scar. Why, look you, Sir, I have, to surprize you with
Pleasure, against you came home, been putting up this
Piece of Tapestry, the best in Italy, for the Rareness of
the Figures, Sir.
Doct. Ha ! hum It is indeed a Stately Piece of Work ;
how came I by 'em ?
Scar. 'Twas sent your Reverence from the Virtuoso,
or some of the Cabalists.
Doct. I must confess, the Workmanship is excellent ;
but still I do insist I heard the Musick.
Scar. 'Twas then the tuning of the Spheres, some
Serenade, Sir, from the Inhabitants of the Moon.
Doct. Hum, from the Moon, and that may be.
Scar. Lord, d'ye think I wou'd deceive your Reverence?
Doct. From the Moon, a Serenade, I see no signs
on't here, indeed it must be so I'll think on't more at
leisure. [Aside.
424 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
Prithee what Story's this? \_Looks on the Hangings.
Scar. Why, Sir, 'Tis
Doct. Hold up the Candles higher, and nearer.
[Peter and Scaramouch hold Candles near. He takes
a Perspective, and looks through it , and coming nearer
Harlequin, who is placed on a Tree in the Hangings,
hits him on the Head with his Trunchion. He
starts and looks about. Harlequin sits still.
Scar. Sir
Doct. What was that struck me ?
Scar. Struck you, Sir ! Imagination.
Doct. Can my Imagination feel, Sirrah ?
Scar. Oh, the most tenderly of any part about one, Sir !
Doct. Hum that may be.
Scar. Are you a great Philosopher, and know not that, Sir ?
Doct. This Fellow has a glimpse of Profundity.
[Aside. Looks again.
I like the Figures well.
Scar. You will, when you see 'em by Day-light, Sir.
[ Har. hits him again. The Doctor sees him.
Doct. Ha, Is that Imagination too? Betray'd, be-
tray'd, undone ! run for my Pistols, call up my Servants,
Peter, a Plot upon my Daughter and my Niece !
[Runs out with Peter. Scaramouch puts out the Candle,
they come out of the Hanging, which is drawn away.
He places ''em in a Row just at the Entrance.
Scar. Here, here, fear nothing, hold by each other, that
when I go out, all may go ; that is, slip out, when you
hear the Doctor is come in again, which he will certainly
do, and all depart to your respective Lodgings.
Cin. And leave thee to bear the Brunt?
Scar. Take you no care for that, I'll put it into my
Bill of Charges, and be paid all together.
Enter the Doctor with Pistols, and Peter.
Doct. What, by dark? that shall not save you, Villains,
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 425
Traitors to my Glory and Repose. Peter, hold fast the
Door, let none 'scape. [ They all slip out,
Pet. I'll warrant you, Sir.
[Doctor gropes about, stamps and calls.
Doct. Lights there Lights I'm sure they cou'd not
'scape.
Pet. Impossible, Sir.
Enter Scaramouch undressed in his Shirt, with a Light ;
he starts.
Scar. Bless me ! what's here ?
Doct. Ha Who art thou? \ Amoved to see him enter so.
Scar. I, who the Devil are you, and you go to that?
[Rubs his Eyes, and brings the Candle nearer, looks on him.
Mercy upon us ! Why, what, is't you, Sir, return'd so
soon ?
Doct. Return'd! [Looking sometimes on him, sometimes about.
Scar. Ay, Sir, did you not go out of Town last night,
to your Brother the Advocate?
Doct. Thou Villain, thou question'st me, as if thou
knew'st not that I was return'd.
Scar. I know, Sir ! how shou'd I know ? I'm sure I
am but just awakened from the sweetest Dream.
Doct. You dream still, Sirrah, but I shall wake your
Rogueship. Were you not here but now, shewing me
a piece of Tapestry, you Villain ?
Scar. Tapestry ! [Mopsophil listning all the while.
Doct. Yes, Rogue, yes, for which I'll have thy Life.
\Offering a Pistol.
Scar. Are you stark mad, Sir? or do I dream still?
Doct. Tell me, and tell me quickly, Rogue, who were
those Traitors that were hid but now in the Disguise of a
piece of Hangings. [Holds the Pistol to his Breast.
Scar. Bless me ! you amaze me, Sir. What conformity
has every Word you say, to my rare Dream ! Pray let me
feel you. Si'', Are you human ?
426 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
Doct. You shall feel I am, Sirrah, if thou confess not.
Scar. Confess, Sir! What shall I confess? I under
stand not your Cabalistical Language; but in mine, I
confess that you wak'd me from the rarest Dream
Where methought the Emperor of the Moon World was
in our House, dancing and revelling ; and methoughts his
Grace was fallen desperately in love with Mistriss Elaria,
and that his Brother, the Prince, Sir, of Thunder/and, was
also in love with Mistriss Eellemante ; and methoughts they
descended to court 'em in your Absence And that at
last you surpriz'd 'em, and that they transform'd them
selves into a Suit of Hangings to deceive you. But at last,
methought you grew angry at something, and they all
fled to Heaven again ; and after a deal of Thunder and
Lightning, I wak'd, Sir, and hearing human Voices here,
came to see what the Matter was.
\_This while the Doctor lessens his signs of Rage by
degrees, and at last stands in deep Contemplation.
Doct. May I credit this?
Scar. Credit it! By all the Honour of your House, by my
unseparable Veneration for the Mathematicks, 'tis true, Sir.
Doct. That famous Rosycrusian, who yesterday visited
me, and told me the Emperor of the Moon was in love
with a fair Mortal This Dream is Inspiration in this
Fellow He must have wondrous Virtue in him, to be
worthy of these divine Intelligences. [Aside.
But if that Mortal shou'd be Elaria! but no more,
I dare not yet suppose it perhaps the thing was real and
no Dream, for oftentimes the grosser part is hurried away
in Sleep by the force of Imagination, and is wonderfully
agitated This Fellow might be present in his Sleep, of
this we've frequent Instances I'll to my Daughter and my
Niece, and hear what Knowledge they may have of this.
Mop. Will you so ? I'll secure you, the Frolick shall
go round. [Aside, and Exit.
Doct. Scaramouch, if you have not deceiv'd me in this
sc. iv] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 427
Matter, time will convince me farther ; if it rest here, I
shall believe you false.
Scar. Good Sir, suspend your Judgment and your Anger
till then.
Doct. I'll do't, go back to bed. [Ex. Doct. and Peter.
Scar. No, Sir, 'tis Morning now and I'm up for all
day. This Madness is a pretty sort of pleasant Disease,
when it tickles but in one Vein Why, here's my Master
now, as great a Scholar, as grave and wise a Man^in all
Argument and Discourse, as can be met with ; yet name
but the Moon, and he runs into ridicule, and grows as
machas the Wind.
Well, Doctor, if thou canst be madder yet,
We'll find a Medicine that shall cure your Fit,
Better than all Galenicus. [Goes out.
SCENE IV. Draws off to Bellemante's Chamber, discovers
Elaria, Bellemante and Mopsophil in Night-Gowns.
Mop. You have your Lessons, stand to it bravely, and
the Town's our own, Madam.
[They put themselves in Postures of Sleeping, leaning
on the Table, Mopsophil lying at their Feet.
Enter Doctor softly.
Doct. Ha, not in Bed ! this gives me mortal Fears.
Bell. Ah, Prince [She speaks as in her Sleep.
Doct. Ha, Prince ! [Goes nearer, and listens.
Bell. How little Faith I give to all your Courtship, who
leaves our Orb so soon. [In a feign* d Voice.
Doct. Ha, said she Orb? [Goes nearer.
Bell. But since you are of a celestial Race,
And easily can penetrate
Into the utmost limits of the Thought,
Why shou'd I fear to tell you of your Conquest ?
And thus implore your Aid.
[Rises and rum to the Doctor; kneels, and holds him
fast. He shews signs of Joy.
428 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
Doct. I am ravish 'd !
Bell. Ah, Prince Divine, take pity on a Mortal.
Doc t. I am rapt !
Bell. And take me with you to the World above !
Doct. The Moon, the Moon she means ; I am trans
ported, over-joy'd, and ecstasyd !
[Leaping and jumping from her Hands, she seems to
wake.
Bell. Ha, my Uncle come again to interrupt us !
Doct. Hide nothing from me, my dear Bellemante, since
all already is discover'd to me and more.
Ela. Oh, why have you wak'd me from the softest
Dream that ever Maid was blest with ?
Doct. What what, my best Elaria ? [ With over-joy.
Ela. Methought I entertain'd a Demi-God, one of the
gay Inhabitants of the Moon.
Bell. I'm sure mine was no Dream I wak'd, I heard,
I saw, I spoke and danc'd to the Musick of the Spheres ;
and methought my glorious Lover ty'd a Diamond Chain
about my Arm and see 'tis all substantial.
\_Shows her Arm.
Ela. And mine a Ring, of more than mortal Lustre.
Doct. Heaven keep me moderate ! lest excess of Joy
shou'd make my Virtue less. [Stifling his Joy.
There is a wondrous Mystery in this,
A mighty Blessing does attend your Fates.
Go in and pray to the chaste Powers above
To give you Virtue for such Rewards. \_They go in.
How this agrees with what thelearned Cabalist inform'd
me of last Night ! He said, that great Iredonozor, the
Emperor of the Moon, was enamour'd on a fair Mortal.
It must be so and either he descended to court my
Daughter personally, which for the rareness of the Nov
elty, she takes to be a Dream ; or else, what they and I
beheld, was visionary, by way of a sublime Intelligence :
And possibly 'tis only thus : the People of that World
sc. v] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 429
converse with Mortals. I must be satisfy'd in this main
Point of deep Philosophy.
I'll to my Study, for I cannot rest,
Till I this weighty Mystery have discuss'd.
\_Ex. very gravely.
SCENE V. The Garden.
Enter Scaramouch with a Ladder.
Scar. Though I am come off en Cavalier with my
Master, I am not with my Mistress, whom I promised to
console this Night, and 'tis but just I shou'd make good
this Morning ; 'twill be rude to surprize her sleeping,
and more gallant to wake her with a Serenade at her
Window. [Sets the Ladder -to her Window, fetches his
Lute and goes up the ladder.
He plays and sings this Song.
When Maidens are young and in their Spring
Of Pleasure, of Pleasure, let 'em take their full Swing,
full Swing, full Swing,
And love, and dance, and play, and sing.
For Silvia, believe it, when Touth is done,
There's nought but hum drum, hum drum, hum drum ;
There's nought but hum drum, hum drum, hum drum.
Then Silvia be wise be wise be wise,
Though Painting and Dressing for awhile are Supplies,
And may surprise
But when the Fire's going out in your Eyes,
It twinkles, it twinkles, it twinkles, and dies.
And then to hear Love, to hear Love from you,
Fad as live hear an Owl cry Wit to woo,
Wit to woo, wit to woo.
Enter Mopsophil above.
Mop. What woful Ditty-making Mortal's this,
That e'er the Lark her early Note has sung,
430 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
Does doleful Love beneath my Casement thrum ?
Ah, Seignior Scaramouch, is it you ?
Scar. Who shou'd it be that takes such pains to sue 1
Mop. Ah, Lover most true blue.
Enter Harlequin in Woman's Clothes.
Har. If I can now but get admittance, I shall not
only deliver the young Ladies their Letters from their
Lovers, but get some opportunity, in this Disguise, to
slip this Billet-Doux into MopsophiVs Hand, and bob my
Comrade Scaramouch. Ha, What do I see ? My Mistress
at the Window, courting my Rival ! Ah Gipsy !
Scar. But we lose precious time, since you design me
a kind Hour in your Chamber.
Har. Oh Traitor !
Mop. You'll be sure to keep it from Harlequin.
Har. Ah yes, he, hang him, Fool, he takes you for a
Saint.
Scar. Harlequin! Hang him, shotten Herring.
Har. Ay, a Cully, a Noddy.
Mop. A meer Zany.
Har. Ah, hard-hearted Turk.
Mop. Fit for nothing but a Cuckold.
Har. Monster of Ingratitude ! Howshalllbereveng'd ?
[Scar, going over the Balcony.
Hold, hold, thou perjur'd Traitor.
[Cries out in a Woman's Voice.
Mop. Ha, discover'd ! A Woman in the Garden !
Har. Come down, come down, thou false perfidious
Wretch.
Scar. Who in the Devil's Name, art thou ?
And to whom dost thou speak ?
Har. To thee, that false Deceiver, thou hast broke thy
Vows, thy lawful Vows of Wedlock. [Bawling out.
Oh, oh, that I shou'd live to see the Day. [Crying.
Scar. Who mean you, Woman?
sc. v] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 431
Har. Whom shou'd I mean but thou, my lawful
Spouse ?
Mop. Oh Villain ! Lawful Spouse ! Let me come to
her. [Scar, comes down, as Mopsophilyfrw^ out of
the Balcony.
Scar. The Woman's mad hark ye, Jade, how long
have you been thus distracted?
Har. E'er since I lov'd and trusted thee, false Varlet.
See here, the Witness of my Love and Shame.
\_Bawh) and points to her Belly.
Just then Mopsophil enters.
Mop. How ! with Child ! Out, Villain ! was I made
a Property?
Scar. Hear me.
Har. Oh, thou Heathen Christian ! was not one
Woman enough ?
Mop. Ay, Sirrah, answer to that.
Scar. I shall be sacrific'd.
Mop. I am resolv'd to marry to morrow either to
the Apothecary or the Farmer, Men I never saw, to be
reveng'd on thee, thou termagant Infidel.
Enter the Doctor.
Doct. What Noise, what Out-cry, what Tumult's this ?
Har. Ha, the Doctor ! What shall I do ?
[Gets to the Door, Scar, pulls her in.
Doct. A Woman ! some Baud I am sure ; Woman,
what's your Business here? ha.
Har. I came, an't like your Seigniorship, to Madam
the Governante here, to serve her in the Quality of a
Fille de Chambre to the young Ladies.
Doct. A Fille de Chambre! 'tis so, a she Pimp.
Har. Ah, Seignior
[Makes his little dapper Leg, instead of a Curfsy.
Doct. How now, what, do you mock me?
Har. Oil Seignior! [Gets nearer the Door.
432 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
Mop. Stay, stay, Mistress ; and what Service are you
able to do the Seignior's Daughters?
Har. Is this Seignior Doctor Baliardo, Madam ?
Mop. Yes.
Har. Oh ! he's a very handsome Gentleman indeed.
Doct. Ay, ay, what Service can you do, Mistress ?
Har. Why, Seignior, I can tie a Crevat the best of any
Person in Naples, and I can comb a Periwig and I can
Doct. Very proper Service for young Ladies; you, I
believe, have been Fille de Chambre to some young
Cavaliers ?
Ha r. Most true, Seignior ; why shou'd not the Cava
liers keep Filles de Chambre, as well as great Ladies
Valets de Cbambre ?
Doct. Indeed 'tis equally reasonable. 'Tis a Baud.
[Aside.
But have you never serv'd Ladies ?
Har. Oh yes, I serv'd a Parson's Wife ?
Doct. Is that a great Lady ?
Har. Ay, surely, Sir, what is she else? for she wore
her Mantuas of Brocade d* or y Petticoats lac'd up to the
Gathers, her Points, her Patches, Paints and Perfumes,
and sat in the uppermost place in the Church too.
Mop. But have you never serv'd Countesses and
Dutchesses ?
Har. Oh, yes, Madam ; the last I serv'd, was an
Alderman's Wife in the City.
Mop. Was that a Countess or a Dutchess ?
Har. Ay, certainly for they have all the Money ;
and then for Clothes, Jewels, and rich Furniture, and
eating, they out-do the very Vice-Reine her self.
Doct. This is a very ignorant running Baud, there
fore first search her for Billets-Doux, and then have her
pump'd.
Har. Ah, Seignior, Seignior.
[Scar, searches him, finds Letters.
sc. v] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 433
Scar. Ha, to Elaria. and Bellemante!
[Reads the Outside^ pops 'em into his Bosom.
These are from their Lovers.
Ha, a Note to Mopsophil. Oh, Rogue ! have I found
you ?
Har. If you have, 'tis but Trick for your Trick,
Seignior Scaramouch, and you may spare the Pumping.
Scar. For once, Sirrah, I'll bring you off, and deliver
your Letters. Sir, do you not know who this is?
Why, 'tis a Rival of mine, who put on this Disguise to
cheat me of Mistress Mopsophil. See, here's a Billet to
her.
Doct. What is he ?
Scar. A Mungrel Dancing-Master ; therefore, Sir,
since all the Injury's mine, I'll pardon him for a Dance,
and let the Agility of his Heels save his Bones, with your
Permission, Sir.
Doct. With all my Heart, and am glad he comes off
so comically. [Harlequin dances.
\_A knocking at the Gate. Scar, goes and returns.*
Scar. Sir, Sir, here's the rare Philosopher who was
here yesterday.
Doct. Give him Entrance, and all depart.
Enter Charmante.
Char. Blest be those Stars that first conducted me to
so much Worth and Virtue ; you are their Darling, Sir,
for whom they wear their brightest Lustre.
Your Fortune is establish'd, you are made, Sir.
Doct. Let me contain my Joy.
[Keeping in an impatient Joy.
May I be worthy, Sir, to apprehend you ?
Char. After long searching, watching, fasting, praying,
and using all the virtuous means in Nature, whereby we
solely do attain the highest Knowledge in Philosophy ; it
was resolv'd, by strong Intelligence you were the happy
III F F
434 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT n
Sire of that bright Nymph, that had infascinated, charm'd,
and conquer'd the mighty Emperor Iredonozor, the Monarch
of the Moon.
Doct. I am undone with Joy ! ruin'd with Transport.
[Aside.
Can it can it, Sir, be possible ?
[Stifling his Joy, which breaks out.
Char. Receive the Blessing, Sir, with Moderation.
Doct. I do, Sir, I do.
Char. This very Night, by their great Art, they find,
He will descend, and shew himself in Glory.
An Honour, Sir, no Mortal has receiv'd
This sixty hundred years.
Doct. Hum say you so, Sir ; no Emperor ever descend
this sixty hundred years? [Looks sad.
tVas I deceiv'd last Night ? [Aside.
Char. Oh ! yes, Sir, often in Disguise, in several Shapes
and Forms, which did of old occasion so many fabulous
Tales of all the Shapes of Jupiter but never in their proper
Glory, Sir, as Emperors. This is an Honour only design'd
to you.
Doct. And will his Grace be here in Person, Sir?
[Joyful.
Char. In Person and with him, a Man of mighty
Quality, Sir, 'tis thought, the Prince of Thunder/and
but that's but whisper'd, Sir, in the Cabal, and that he
loves your Niece.
Doct. Miraculous! how this agrees with all I've seen
and heard To Night, say you, Sir?
Char. So 'tis conjectur'd, Sir, some of the Cabalists
are of opinion, that last Night there was some Sally from
the Moon.
Doct. About what Hour, Sir ?
Char. The Meridian of the Nis;ht, Sir, about the Hours
O 7 7
of Twelve or One ; but who descended, or in what Shape,
is yet uncertain.
sc. v] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 435
Doct. This I believe, Sir.
Char. Why, Sir?
Doct. May I communicate a Secret or that nature ?
Char. To any of the Cabalists, but none else.
Doct. Then know last Night, my Daughter and my
Niece were entertain'd by those illustrious Heroes.
Char. Who, Sir, the Emperor, and Prince his Cousin ?
Doct. Most certain, Sir.
But whether they appear'd in solid Bodies, or Fantomical,
is yet a Question ; for at my unlucky approach, they all
transform'd themselves into a Piece of Hangings.
Char. 'Tis frequent, Sir, their Shapes are numerous;
and 'tis also in their power to transform all they touch,
by virtue of a certain Stone they call the Ebula.
Doct. That wondrous Ebuta, which Gonzales had ?
Char. The same, by virtue of which, all Weight was
taken from him, and then with ease the lofty Traveller
flew from Parnassus Hill^ and from Hymethus Mount^ and
high Gerania, and Acrocorinthus, thence to Taygetus, so to
Olympus Top, from whence he had but one step to the
Moon. Dizzy he grants he was.
Doct. No wonder, Sir, Oh happy great Gonzales!
Char. Your Virtue, Sir, will render you as happy
but I must haste this Night prepare your Daughter and
your Niece, and let your House be dress'd, perfum'd, and
clean.
Doct. It shall be all perform'd, Sir.
Char. Be modest, Sir, and humble in your Elevation;
for nothing shews the Wit so poor, as Wonder, nor Birth
_sp_mean, as Pride.
Doct. I humbly thank your Admonition, Sir, and shall,
in all I can, struggle with human Frailty.
\_Brlngs Char, to the Door bare. Exeunt.
Enter Scaramouch, peeping at the other Door.
Scar. So, so, all things go gloriously forward, but my
436 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT m
own Amour, and there is no convincing this obstinate
Woman, that 'twas that Rogue Harlequin in Disguise,
claim'd me ; so that I cannot so much as come to deliver
the young Ladies their Letters from their Lovers. I must
get in with this damn'd Mistress of mine, or all our Plot
will be spoil'd for want of Intelligence.
Hum, the Devil does not use to fail me at a dead Lift.
I must deliver these Letters, and I must have this Wench
though but to be reveng'd on her for abusing me Let
me see she is resolv'd for the Apothecary or the Farmer.
Well, say no more, honest Scaramouch ; thou shalt find
a Friend at need of me and if I do not fit you with a
Spouse, say that a Woman has out-witted me. [Exit.
The End of the Second Act.
ACT III.
SCENE I. The Street, with the Town-Gate, where an Officer
stands with a Staff" like a London Constable.
Enter Harlequin riding in a Calash, comes through the Gate
towards the Stage, dressed like a Gentleman sitting in it.
The Officer lays hold of his Horse.
Off. Hold, hold, Sir, you I suppose know the Customs
that are due to this City of Naples, from all Persons that
pass the Gates in Coach, Chariot, Calash, or Siege Volant.
Har. I am not ignorant of the Custom, Sir, but what's
that to me.
Off. Not to you, Sir ! why, what Privilege have you
above the rest ?
Har. Privilege, for what, Sir ?.
Off. Why, for passing, Sir, with any of the before-named
Carriages.
Har. Art mad ? Dost not see I am a plain Baker, and
this my Cart, that comes to carry Bread for the Vice-Roy's,
and the City's Use ? ha.
sc. i] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 437
Off*. Are you mad, Sir, to think I cannot see a Gentle
man Farmer and a Calash, from a Baker and a Cart.
Har. Drunk by this Day and so early too ? Oh, you're
a special Officer ? unhand my Horse, Sirrah, or you shall
pay for all the Damage you do me.
Off. Hey Day ! here's a fine Cheat upon the Vice-
Roy : Sir, pay me, or I'll seize your Horse.
[Har. strikes him. They scuffle a little.
Nay, and you be so brisk, I'll call the Clerk from his
Office.
\_Calls.~\- Mr. Clerk, Mr. Clerk.
[Goes to the Entrance to call the Clerk, the mean time
Har. whips a Frock over himself, and puts down the
hind part of the Chariot, and then 'tis a Cart.
Enter Clerk.
Cler. What's the matter here ?
Off. Here's a Fellow, Sir, will persuade me, his Calash
is a Cart, and refuses the Customs for passing the Gate.
Cler. A Calash Where ? I see only a Carter and
his Cart. [The Officer looks on him.
Of. Ha, what a Devil, was I blind ?
Har. Mr. Clerk, I am a Baker, that came with Bread
to sell, and this Fellow here has stopt me this Hour, and
made me lose the sale of my Ware ; and being drunk,
will out-face me I am a Farmer, and this Cart a Calash.
Cler. He's in an Error, Friend, pass on.
Har. No, Sir, I'll have satisfaction first, or the Vice-
Roy shall know how he's serv'd by drunken Officers, that
are a Nuisance to a Civil Government.
Cler. What do you demand, Friend?
Har. Demand, I demand a Crown, Sir.
Off. This is very hard Mr. Clerk If ever I saw in
my Life, I thought I saw a Gentleman and a Calash.
Cler. Come, come, gratify him, and see better hereafter.
Off. Here, Sir, if I must, I must. [Gives him a Crown.
Cler. Pass on, Friend. \_Ex. Clerk.
438 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
[Har. unseen, puts up the back of his Calash, and whips
offhh Frock, and goes to drive on. The Officer looks
on him, and stops him again.
Off. Hum, I'll swear it is a Calash Mr. Clerk Mr.
Clerk, come back, come back.
[Runs out to call him. He changes as before.
Enter Officer and Clerk.
Come, Sir, let your own Eyes convince you, Sir.
Cler. Convince me, of what, you Sot?
Off. This is a Gentleman, and that a ha
[Looks about on Har.
Cler. Stark drunk ! Sirrah, if you trouble me at every
Mistake of yours thus, you shall quit your Office.
Off. I beg your Pardon, Sir, I am a little in Drink I
confess a little blind and mad Sir, This must be the
Devil, that's certain. [The Clerk goes out.
[Har. puts up his Calash again, and pulls off his Frock
and drives out.
Well, now to my thinking, 'tis as plain a Calash again
as ever I saw in my Life, and yet I'm satisfy'd 'tis nothing
but a Cart. [Ex.
SCENE II. Changes to the Doctor's House. The Hall.
Enter Scaramouch in a Chair, which is set down and opend
on all sides, and on the top represents an Apothecary's Shop,
the Inside being painted with Shelves, and rows of Pots and
Bottles ; Scaramouch sitting in it dress' d in Black, with a
short black Cloke, a Ruff, and little Hat.
Scar. The Devil's in't, if either the Doctor, my Master,
or Mopsophil, know me in this Disguise And thus I may
not only gain my Mistress, and out-wit Harlequin, but
deliver the Ladies those Letters from their Lovers, which
I took out of his Pocket this Morning ; and who wou'd
suspect an Apothecary for a Pimp ? Nor can the Jade
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 439
Mopsophil, in Honour, refuse a Person of my Gravity, and
and so well set up. [Pointing to his Shop.
Hum, the Doctor here first, this is not so well, but I'm
prepar'd with Impudence for all Encounters.
Enter the Doctor. Scaramouch salutes him gravely.
Most Reverend Doctor Baliardo. [Bows.
Doct. Seignior [Bows.
Scar. I might through great Pusillanimity, blush to give
you this Anxiety, did not I opine you were as gracious as
communicative and eminent ; and though you have no
Cognisance of me, your humble Servant, yet I have of
you, you being so gravely fam'd for your admirable
Skill both in Galenical and Paracelsian Phenomena's, and
other approv'd Felicities in Vulnerary Emeticks, and
purgative Experiences.
Doct. Seignior, your Opinion honours me rare Man
this.
Scar. And though I am at present busied in writing
those few Observations I have accumulated in my Pere
grinations, Sir; yet the Ambition I aspir'd to, of being an
ocular and aurial Witness of your Singularity, made me
trespass on your sublimer Affairs.
Doct. Seignior
Scar. Besides a violent Inclination, Sir, of being initi
ated into the Denomination of your learned Family, by
the Conjugal Circumference of a Matrimonial Tye,
with that singularly accomplish'd Person Madam, the
Governante of your Hostel
Doct. Hum A Sweet-heart for Mopsophil! [Aside.
Scar. And if I may obtain your Condescension to my
Hymenaeal Propositions, I doubt not my Operation with
the Fair One.
Doct. Seignior, she's much honour'd in the Overture,
and my Abilities shall not be wanting to fix the Concord.
But have you been a Traveller, Sir?
440 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Scar. Without Circumlocutions, Sir, I have seen all the
Regions beneath the Sun and Moon.
Doct. Moon, Sir ! You never travell'd thither, Sir ?
Scar. Not in Propria Persona, Seignior, but by Specu
lation, I have, and made most considerable Remarks on
that incomparable Terra Firma, of which I have the
compleatest Map in Christendom and which Gonzales
himself omitted in his Cosmographia of the Lunar Mundus.
Doct. A Map of the Lunar Mundus, Sir ! may I crave
the Honour of seeing it?
Scar. You shall, Sir, together with a Map of Terra
Incognita ; a great Rarity, indeed, Sir.
Enter Bellemante.
Doct. Jewels, Sir, worth a King's Ransom !
Bell. Ha, What Figure of a Thing have we here,
bantering my credulous Uncle? This must be some
Scout sent from our Forlorn Hope, to discover the Enemy,
and bring in fresh Intelligence. Hum, that Wink tipt
me some Tidings, and she deserves not a good Look, who
understands not the Language of the Eyes. Sir, Dinner's
on the Table.
Doct. Let it wait, I am employ'd
\_She creeps to the other side ^Scaramouch, who makes
Signs with his Hand to her.
Bell. Ha, 'tis so : This Fellow has some Novel for
us, some Letter or Instructions, but how to get it
\_As Scar, talks to the Doctor, he takes the Letters by
degrees out of his Pocket, and unseen, given ''em
Bellemante behind him.
Doct. But this Map, Seignior ; I protest you have fill'd
me with Curiosity. Has it signify'd all things so exactly,
say you ?
Scar. Omitted nothing, Seignior, no City, Town,
Village, or Villa; no Castle, River, Bridge, Lake, Spring,
or Mineral.
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 441
Doct. Are any, Sir, of those admirable Mineral Waters
there, so frequent in our World ?
Scar. In abundance, Sir : the Famous Garamanteen, a
young Italian, Sir, lately come from thence, gives an
account of an excellent Scaturigo, that has lately made
an Ebulation there, in great Reputation with the Lunary
Ladies.
Doct. Indeed, Sir ! be pleas'd, Seignior, to 'solve me
some Queries that may enode some appearances of the
Virtue of the Water you speak of.
Scar. Pox upon him, what Questions he asks but I
muston [Aside.} Why, Sir, you must know, theTincture
of this Water upon Stagnation ceruleates, and the Crocus
upon the Stones flaveces; this he observes to be, Sir,
the Indication of a generous Water.
Doct. Hum [Gravely nodding.
Scar. Now, Sir, be pleas'd to observe the three Regions :
if they be bright, without doubt Mars is powerful; if the
middle Region or Camera be palled, Filia So/is is breeding.
Doct. Hum.
Scar. And then the third Region, if the Faeces be
volatile, the Birth will soon come in Balnea. This I
observed also in the Laboratory of that ingenious Chymist
Lysidono, and with much Pleasure animadverted that
Mineral of the same Zenith and Nadir, of that now so
famous Water in England, near that famous Metropolis,
call'd Islington.
Doct. Seignior
Scar. For, Sir, upon the Infusion, the Crows Head
immediately procures the Seal of Hermes ; and had not
Lac Virginis been too soon suck'd up, I believe we might
have seen the Consummation of Amalgama.
[Bellemante having got her Letters, goes off. She makes
Signs to him to stay a little. He nods.
Doct. Most likely, Sir.
Scar. But, Sir, this Garamanteen relates the strangest
442 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Operation of a Mineral in the Lunar World, that ever I
heard of.
Doct. As how, I pray, Sir?
Scar. Why, Sir, a Water impregnated to a Circulation
with prima Materia ; upon my Honour, Sir, the strongest
I ever drank of.
Doct. How, Sir ! did you drink of it ?
Scar. I only speak the words of Garamanteen, Sir.
Pox on him, I shall be trapt. [Aside.
Doct. Cry Mercy, Sir. [Bows.
Scar. The Lunary Physicians, Sir, call it Urinam
Vulcani, it calybeates every ones Excrements more or less
according to the Gradus of the natural Calor. To my
Knowledge, Sir, a Smith of a very fiery Constitution is
grown very opulent by drinking these Waters.
Doct. How, Sir, grown rich by drinking the Waters,
and to your Knowledge ?
Scar. The Devil's in my Tongue. To my Knowledge,
Sir ; for what a Man of Honour relates, I may safely affirm.
Doct. Excuse me, Seignior
[Puts off his Hat again gravely.
Scar. For, Sir, conceive me how he grew rich ! since
he drank those Waters he never buys any Iron, but
hammers it out of Stercus Proprius.
Enter Bellemante with a Billet.
Bell. Sir, 'tis three a Clock, and Dinner will be cold.
[Goes behind Scaramouch, and gives him the Note and
goes out.
Doct. I come, Sweet-heart ; but this is wonderful.
Scar. Ay, Sir, and if at any time Nature be too infirm,
and he prove Costive, he has no more to do, but apply a
Load-stone ad Anum.
Doct. Is't possible ?
Scar. Most true, Sir, and that facilitates the Journey
per Viscera. But I detain you, Sir j another time, Sir,
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 443
I will now only beg the Honour of a Word or two
with the Governante, before I go.
Doct. Sir, she shall wait on you, and I shall be proud
of the Honour of your Conversation. \_Ex. Doctor.
Enter to him Harlequin, dressed like a Farmer, as before.
Har. Hum What have we here, a Taylor or a
Tumbler ?
Scar. Ha Who's this? Hum What if it shou'd be
the Farmer that the Doctor has promis'd Mopsophil to ?
My Heart misgives me. f They look at each other a while.
Who wou'd you speak with, Friend ?
Har. This is, perhaps, my Rival the Apothecary.
Speak with, Sir ! why, what's that to you?
Scar. Have you Affairs with Seignor Doctor, Sir?
Har. It may be I have, it may be I have not. What
then, Sir ?
While they seem in angry Dispute, enter Mopsophil.
Mop. Seignior Doctor tells me I have a Lover waits
me, sure it must be the Farmer or the Apothecary. No
matter which, so a Lover that welcomest Man alive. I
am resolv'd to take the first good Offer, though but in
revenge of Harlequin and Scaramouch, for putting Tricks
upon me. Ha, Two of 'em !
Scar. My Mistress here !
[ They both bow, and advance, putting each other by.
Mop. Hold, Gentlemen, do not worry me.
Which of you wou'd speak with me?
Both. I, I, I, Madam
Mop. Both of you?
Both. No, Madam, I, I.
Mop. If both Lovers, you are both welcome ; but let's
have fair Play, and take your turns to speak.
Har. Ay, Seignior, 'tis most uncivil to interrupt me.
Scar. And disingenuous, Sir, to intrude on me.
\_Putting one another by.
444 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Mop. Let me then speak first.
Har. I'm dumb.
Scar. I acquiesce.
Mop. I was inform'd there was a Person here had
Propositions of Marriage to make me.
Har. That's I, that's I [Shoves Scar. away.
Scar. And I attend to that consequential Finis.
[Shoves Har. away.
Har. I know not what you mean by your Finis, Seig
nior j but I am come to offer my self this Gentlewoman's
Servant, her Lover, her Husband, her Dog in a Halter,
or any thing.
Scar. Him I pronounce a Paltroon, and an ignominious
Utensil, that dare lay claim to the renowned Lady of
my Primum Mobile ; that is, my best Affections.
[In Rage.
Har. I fear not your hard Words, Sir, but dare aloud
pronounce, if Donna Mopsophil like me, the Farmer, as
well as I like her, 'tis a Match, and my Chariot's ready
at the Gate to bear her off, d'ye see.
Mop. Ah, how that Chariot pleads. [Aside.
Scar. And I pronounce, that being intoxicated with
the sweet Eyes of this refulgent Lady, I come to tender
her my noblest Particulars, being already most advantage
ously set up with the circumstantial Implements of my
Occupation. [Points to the Shop.
Mop. A City Apothecary, a most genteel Calling
Which shall I chuse? Seignior Apothecary, I'll not
expostulate the circumstantial Reasons that have occasion'd
me this Honour.
Scar. Incomparable Lady, the Elegancy of your Re
partees most excellently denotes the Profundity of your
Capacity.
Har. What the Devil's all this r Good Mr. Conjurer,
stand by and don't fright the Gentlewoman with your
elegant Profundities. [Puts him by.
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 445
Scar. How, a Conjurer ! I will chastise thy vulgar
Ignorance, that yclepes a Philosopher a Conjurer.
[In Rage.
Har. Losaphers ! Prithee, if thou be'st a Man, speak
like a Man then.
Scar. Why, what do I speak like ? what do I speak like ?
Har. What do you speak like ! why you speak like
a Wheel-Barrow.
Scar. How !
Har. And how.
[ They come up close together at half Sword Parry ;
stare on each other for a while, then put up and bow
to each other civilly.
Mop. That's well, Gentlemen, let's have all Peace,
while I survey you both, and see which likes me best.
[She goes between 'em, and surveys 'em both, they making
ridiculous bows on both sides, and Grimaces the while.
Ha, now on my Conscience, my two foolish Lovers,
Harlequin and Scaramouch ; how are my Hopes defeated ?
but, faith, I'll fit you both. [She views 'em both.
Scar. So she's considering still, I shall be the happy
Dog. [Aside.
Har. She's taking aim, she cannot chuse but like me
best. [Aside.
Scar. Well, Madam, how does my Person propagate?
[Bowing and smiling.
Mop. Faith, Seignior, now I look better on you, I do
not like your Phisnomy so well as your Intellects; you
discovering some circumstantial Symptoms that ever
denote a villanous Inconstancy.
Scar. Ah, are you pleas'd, Madam.
Mop. You are mistaken, Seignior. I am displeas'd at
your Grey-Eyes, and black Eye-brows, and Beard ; I never
knew a Man with those Signs, true to his Mistress or his
Friend. And I wou'd sooner wed that Scoundrel Scara
mouch, that very civil Pimp, that mere pair of chymical
446 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Bellows that blow the Doctor's projecting Fires, that
Deputy-urinal Shaker, that very Guzman of Salamanca,
than a Fellow of your infallible Signum Mallis.
Har. Ha, ha, ha, you have your Answer, Seignior
Friskin and may shut up your Shop and be gone. Ha,
ha, ha.
Scar. Hum, sure the Jade knows me. [Aside.
Mop. And as for you, Seignior
Har. Ha, Madam. [Bowing and smiling.
Mop. Those Lanthorn Jaws of yours, with that most
villanous Sneer and Grin, and a certain fierce Air of your
Eyes, looks altogether most fanatically which with your
notorious Whey Beard, are certain Signs of Knavery
and Cowardice ; therefore Fad rather wed that Spider
Harlequin, that Sceleton Buffoon, that Ape of Man, that
Jack of Lent, that very Top, that's of no use, but when
'tis whip'd and lash'd, that piteous Property Pad rather
wed than thee.
Har. A very fair Declaration.
Mop. You understand me and so adieu, sweet Glister-
pipe, and Seignior Dirty-Boots, Ha, ha, ha. [Runs out.
[ They stand looking simply on each other, without speak
ing a while.
Scar. That I shou'd not know that Rogue Harlequin.
[Aside.
Har. That I shou'd take this Fool for a Physician.
[Aside.
How long have you commenc'd Apothecary, Seignior ?
Scar. Ever since you turn'd Farmer. Are not you a
damn'd Rogue to put these Tricks upon me, and most
dishonourably break all Articles between us?
Har. And are not you a dam'd Son of a something
to break Articles with me ?
Scar. No more Words, Sir, no more Words, I find it
must come to Actions, draw. [Draws.
Har. Draw ! so I can draw, Sir. [Draws.
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 447
[They make a ridiculous cowardly Fight. Enter the
Doctor, which they seeing^ come on with more Courage.
He runs between^ and with his Cane beats the Swords
down.
Doct. Hold, hold, what mean you, Gentlemen ?
Scar. Let me go, Sir, I am provok'd beyond measure, Sir.
Doct. You must excuse me, Seignior.
[Parlies with Harlequin.
Scar. I dare not discover the Fool for his Master's sake,
and it may spoil our Intrigue anon ; besides, he'll then
discover me, and I shall be discarded for bantering the
Doctor. [Aside.
A Man of Honour to be so basely affronted here.
[The Doctor comes to appease Scaramouch.
Har. Shou'd I discover this Rascal, he wou'd tell the
old Gentleman I was the same that attempted his House
to day in Woman's Clothes, and I should be kick'd and
beaten most insatiably.
Scar. What, Seignior, for a Man of Parts to be impos'd
upon, and wliip'd through the Lungs here like a Mounte
bank's Zany for sham Cures Mr. Doctor, I must tell
you 'tis not civil.
Doct. I am extremely sorry for it, Sir, and you shall
see how I will have this fellow handled for the Affront to a
Person of your Gravity, and in my House. Here, Pedro.
Enter Pedro.
Take this Intruder, or bring some of your Fellows
hither, and toss him in a Blanket. [Exit Pedro.
[Har. going to creep away^ Scar, holds him.
Har. Hark ye, bring me off, or I'll discover all your
Intrigue. [Aside to him.
Scar. Let me alone.
Doct. I'll warrant you some Rogue that has some Plot
on my Niece and Daughter.
Scar. No, no, Sir, he comes to impose the grossest Lye
upon you, that ever was heard of.
448 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Enter Pedro with others, with a Blanket. They put
Harlequin into it, and toss him.
Har. Hold, hold, I'll confess all, rather than indure it.
Doct. Hold, what will you confess, Sir.
[He comes out, makes sick Faces.
S ca r. That he's the greatest Impostor in Nature.
Wou'd you think it, Sir ? he pretends to be no less than
an Ambassador from the Emperor of the Moon, Sir.
Doct. Ha, Ambassador from the Emperor of the Moon!
[Pulls of his Hat.
Scar. Ay, Sir, thereupon I laugh'd, thereupon he grew
an gry I laugh'd at his Resentment, and thereupon we
drew, and this was the high Quarrel, Sir.
Doct. Hum Ambassador from the Moon. [Pauses.
Scar. I have brought you off, manage him as well as
you can.
Har. Brought me off, yes, out of the Frying-pan into
the Fire. Why, how the Devil shall I act an Ambassador?
[Aside.
Doct. It must be so, for how shou'd either of these know
I expected that Honour?
[He addresses him with profound Civility to Har.
Sir, if the Figure you make, approaching so near ours of
this World, have made us commit any undecent Indignity
to your high Character, you ought to pardon the Frailty of
our mortal Education and Ignorance, having never before
been bless'd with the Descension of any from your World.
Har. What the Devil shall I say now ? [Aside.
I confess I am, as you may see by my Garb, Sir, a little
Incognito, because the publick Message I bring is very
private which is, that the mighty Iredonozor, Emperor of
the Moon, with his most worthy Brother, the Prince of
Thunderland, intend to sup with you to Night. There
fore be sure you get good Wine. Though by the way let
me tell you, 'tis for the sake of your fair Daughter.
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 449
Scar. I'll leave the Rogue to his own Management. I
presume, by your whispering, Sir, you wou'd be private,
and humbly begging pardon, take my leave. [Exit.
Har. You have it, Friend. Does your Niece and
Daughter drink, Sir?
Doct. Drink, Sir ?
Har. Ay, Sir, drink hard ?
Doct. Do the Women of your World drink hard, Sir?
Har. According to their Quality, Sir, more or less;
the greater the Quality, the more profuse the Quantity.
Doct. Why, that's just as 'tis here ; but your Men of
Quality, your Statesmen, Sir, I presume they are sober,
learned, and wise.
Har. Faith, no, Sir ; but they are, for the most part,
what's as good, very proud ,and promising, Sir, most
liberal of their Word to every fauning Suiter, to purchase
the state of long Attendance, and cringing as they pass;
but the Devil of a Performance, without you get the
Knack of bribing in the right Place and Time ; but yet
they all defy it, Sir.
Doct. Just, just, as 'tis here. But pray, Sir, how do
these Great men live with their Wives?
Har. Most nobly, Sir, my Lord keeps his Coach, my
Lady hers ; my Lord his Bed, my Lady hers ; and very
rarely see one another, unless they chance to meet in a
Visit, in the Park, the Mall, the Tour, or at the Basset-
Table, where they civilly salute and part, he to his Mistress,
she to play.
Doct. Good lack ! just as 'tis here.
Har. Where, if she chance to lose her Money, rather
than give out, she borrows of the next amorous Coxcomb,
who, from that Minute, hopes, and is sure to be paid again
one way or other, the next kind Opportunity.
Doct. Just as 'tis here.
Har. As for the young Fellows that have Money, they
have no Mercy upon their own Persons, but wearing
III GG
450 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Nature off as fast as they can, Swear, and Whore and
Drink, and borrow as long as any Rooking Citizen will
lend till, having dearly purchased- the heroick Title of a
Bully or a Sharper, they live pity'd of their Friends, and
despis'd by their Whores, and depart this Transitory World,
diverse and sundry ways.
Doct. Just, just as 'tis here !
Har. As for the Citizen, Sir, the Courtier lies with his
Wife ; he in revenge, cheats him of his Estate, till rich
enough to marry his Daughter to a Courtier, again gives
him all unless his Wife's over-gallantry breaks him ; and
thus the World runs round.
Doct. The very same 'tis here Is there no preferment,
Sir, for Men of Parts and Merit?
Har. Parts and Merit ! what's that ? a Livery, or the
handsome tying a Cravat ; for the great Men prefer none
but their Foot-men and Valets.
Docti By my Troth, just as 'tis here.
Sir, I find you are a Person of most profound Intelli
gence under Favour, Sir, are you a Native of the Moon,
or this World ? ' I
Har. The Devil's in him for hard Questions.
I am a Neapolitan^ Sir ?
Doct. Sir, I Honour you ; good luck, my Country
man ! How got you to the Region of the Moon, Sir ?
Har. A plaguy inquisitive old Fool !
Why, Sir, Pox on't, what shall I say ? I being one
day in a musing Melancholy, walking by the Sea-side
there arose, Sir, a great Mist, by the Sun's exhaling of
the Vapours of the Earth, Sir.
Doct. Right, Sir.
Har. In this Fog, or Mist, Sir, I. was exhal'd.
Doct. The Exhalations of the Sun draw you to the
Moon, Sir ?
Har. I am condemn'd to the Blanket again. I say,
sc. n] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 451
Sir, I was exhal'd up, but in my way being too heavy,
was drop'd into the Sea.
Doct. How, Sir, into the Sea?
Har. The Sea, Sir, where the Emperor's Fisherman
casting his Nets, drew me up, and took me for a strange
and monstrous Fish, Sir, and as such, presented me to
his Mightiness, who going to have me Spitchcock'd for
his own eating
Doct. How, Sir, eating?
Har. What did me I, Sir (Life being sweet) but fall
on my Knees, and besought his Gloriousness not to eat
me, for I was no Fish, but a Man ; he ask'd me of what
Country, I told him of Naples; whereupon the Emperor
overjoy 'd ask'd me if I knew that most reverend and
learned Doctor Baliardo, and his fair Daughter. I told
him I did : whereupon he made me his Bed-fellow, and
the Confident to his Amour to Seigniora Elaria.
Doct. Bless me, Sir ! how came the Emperor to know
my Daughter?
Har. There he is again with his damn'd hard Ques
tions. Know her, Sir, Why you were walking abroad
one day.
Doct. My Daughter never goes abroad, Sir, farther than
our Garden.
Har. Ay, there it was indeed, Sir, and as his Highness
was taking a Survey of this lower World through a long
Perspective, Sir, he saw you and your Daughter and
Neice, and from that very moment fell most desperately
in love. But hark, the sound of Timbrels, Kettle-Drums
and Trumpets. The Emperor, Sir, is on his way, prepare
for his Reception.
\_A strange Noise is heard of Brass Kettles, and Pans,
and Bells, and many tinkling things.
Doct. I'm in a Rapture How shall I pay my Gratitude
for this great Negotiation ? but as I may, I humbly offer,
Sir. [Presents him with a rich Ring and a Purse of Gold.
452 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Har. Sir, as an Honour done the Emperor, I take your
Ring and Gold. I must go meet his Highness. [Takes leave.
Enter to him Scaramouch, as himself.
Scar. Oh, Sir ! we are astonish'd with the dreadful
sound of the sweetest Musick that ever Mortal heard, but
know not whence it comes. Have you not heard it, Sir ?
Doct. Heard it, yes, Fool, 'tis the Musick of the
Spheres, the Emperor of the Moon World is descending.
Scar. How, Sir, no marvel then, that looking towards
the South, I saw such splendid Glories in the Air.
Doct. Ha, saw'st thou ought descending in the Air?
Scar. Oh, yes, Sir, Wonders ! haste to the old Gallery,
whence, with the help of your Telescope, you may
discover all.
Doct. I would not lose a moment for the lower Universe.
Enter Elaria, Bellemante, Mopsophil, dress'd in rich
Antick Habits.
Ela. Sir, we are dress'd as you commanded us, what
is your farther Pleasure ?
Doct. It well becomes the Honour you're design'd for,
this Night to wed two Princes come with me and know
your happy Fate. [Ex. Doctor and Scar.
Ela. Bless me ! My Father, in all the rest of his
Discourse shows so much Sense and Reason, I cannot
think him mad, but feigns all this to try us.
Bell. Not mad ! Marry, Heavens forbid, thou art always
creating Fears to startle one; why, ir he be not mad,
his want of Sleep this eight and forty hours, the Noise
of strange unheard of Instruments, with the fantastick
Splendour of the unusual Sight, will so turn his Brain and
dazzle him, that in Grace and Goodness, he may be mad,
if he be not ; come, let's after him to the Gallery, for
I long to see in what showing Equipage our princely
Lovers will address to us. [Exeunt.
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 453
SCENE III. The Last. The Gallery richly adorned
with Scenes and Lights.
Enter Doctor, Elaria, Bellemante, and Mopsophil. Soft
Mustek is heard.
Bell. Ha Heavens ! what's here ? what Palace is this ?
No part of our House, I'm sure.
Ela. 'Tis rather the Apartment of some Monarch.
Doct. I'm all amazement too ; but must not show my
Ignorance. Yes, Elaria, this is prepar'd to entertain two
Princes.
Bell. Are you sure on't, Sir? are we not, think you, in that
World above, I often heard you speak of? in the Moon, Sir?
Doct. How shall I resolve her For ought I know,
we are. [Aside.
Ela. Sure, Sir, 'tis some Inchantment.
Doct. Let not thy female Ignorance profane the highest
Mysteries of natural Philosophy : To Fools it seems In-
chiinTment but I've a Sense can reach it sit and expect
the~Event. Hark, I am amaz'd, but must conceal my
Wonder, that Joy of Fools and appear wise in Gravity.
Bell. Whence comes this charming Sound, Sir?
Doct. From the Spheres it is familiar to me.
[ The Scene in the Front draws off, and shews the Hill
of Parnassus ; a noble large Walk of Trees leading to
it, with eight or ten Negroes upon Pedestals, ranged
on each side of the Walks. Next Keplair and Galileus
descend on each side, opposite to each other, in Chariots,
with Perspectives in their Hands, as viewing the
Machine of the r Lodiack. Soft Musick plays still.
Doct. Methought I saw the Figure of two Men descend
from yonder Cloud on yonder Hill.
Ela. I thought so too, but they are disappear'd, and the
wing'd Chariot's fled.
Enter Keplair and Galileus.
Bell. See, Sir, they approach. \_The Doctor rises and bows.
454 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Kep. Most reverend Sir, we, from the upper World,
thus low salute you Keplair and Galileus we are call'd,
sent as Interpreters to Great Iredonozor, the Emperor of
the Moon, who is descending.
Doct. Most reverend Bards profound Philosophers
thus low I bow to pay my humble Gratitude.
Kep. The Emperor, Sir, salutes you, and your fair
Daughter.
Gal. And, Sir, the Prince of Thunder/and salutes you,
and your fair Neice.
Doct. Thus low I fall to thank their Royal Goodness.
[Kneels. They take him up.
Bell. Came you, most reverend Bards, from the Moon
World ?
Kep. Most lovely Maid, we did.
Doct. May I presume to ask the manner how ?
Kep. By Cloud, Sir, through the Regions of the Air,
down to the fam'd Parnassus ; thence by Water, along the
River Helicon, the rest by Post upon two wing'd Eagles.
Doct. Sir, are there store of our World inhabiting the
Moon ?
Kep. Oh, of all Nations, Sir, that lie beneath it in the
Emperor's Train ! Sir, you will behold abundance ; look
up and see the Orbal World descending; observe the
Zodiack, Sir, with her twelve Signs.
[Next the Zodiack descends, a Symphony playing all the
while ; when it is landed, it delivers the twelve Signs :
Then the Song, the Persons of the Zodiack being the
Singers. After which, the Negroes dance and mingle
in the Chorus.
A Song for the Zodiack.
LET murmuring Lovers no longer repine,
But their Hearts and their Voices advance ;
Let the Nymphs and the Swains in the kind Chorus join,
And the Satyrs and Fauns in a Dance.
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 455
Let Nature put on her Beauty of May,
And the Fields and the Meadows adorn ;
Let the Woods and the Mountains resound with the Joy,
And the Echoes their Triumph return.
Chorus.
For since Love wore his Darts,
And Virgins grew Coy ;
Since these wounded Hearts,
And those coud destroy,
There ne'er was more Cause for your Triumphs and Joy.
Hark, hark, the Muslck of the Spheres,
Some Wonder approaching declares ;
Such, such, as has not blessed your Eyes and Ears
This thousand, thousand, thousand Tears.
See, see what the Force of Love can make,
Who rules in Heaven, in Earth and Sea ;
Behold how he commands the Zodiack,
While the fixt Signs unhinging all obey.
Not one of which, but represents
The Attributes of Love,
Who governs all the Elements
In Harmony above.
Chorus.
For since Love wore his Darts
And Virgins grew coy ;
Since these wounded Hearts,
And those cou'd destroy,
There ne'er was more Cause for your Triumphs and Joy.
The wanton Aries first descends,
To show the Vigor and the Play,
Beginning Love, beginning Love attends,
When the young Passion is all-over Joy,
He bleats his soft Pain to the fair curled Throng,
And he leaps, and he bounds, and loves all the day long.
456 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
At once Love's Courage and bis Slavery
In Taurus is expressed.
Though o'er the Plains the Conqueror be.
The generous Beast
Does to the Take submit his noble Breast ;
While Gemini smiling and twining of Arms,
Shews Love's soft Indearments and Charms ;
And Cancer's slow Motion the degrees do express,
Respectful Love arrives to Happiness.
Leo his strength and Majesty, \
Virgo her blushing Modesty,
And Libra all his Equity. )
His Subtilty does Scorpio show,
And Sagittarius all his loose desire,
By Capricorn his forward Humour know,
And Aqua, Lovers Tears that raise his Fire,
While Pisces, which intwin'd do move,
Shew the soft Play, and wanton Arts of Love.
Chorus.
For since Love wore his Darts,
And Virgins grew coy ,
Since these wounded Hearts,
And those cou'd destroy,
There ne'er was more Cause for Triumphs and Joy.
See how she turns, and sends her Signs to Earth.
Behold the Ram, Aries see Taurus next descends ; then
Gemini see how the Boys embrace. Next Cancer, then
Leo, then the Virgin ; next to her Libra Scorpio, Sagittary,
Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces. This eight thousand Years no
Emperor has descended, but Incognito ; but when he does,
to make his Journey more magnificent, the Zodiack, Sir,
attends him.
Doct. 'Tis all amazing, Sir.
Kep. Now, Sir, behold the Globick World descends
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 457
two thousand Leagues below its wonted Station, to shew
Obedience to its proper Monarch.
\_Aftcr which, the Globe of the Moon appears, first like
a new Moon, as it moves forward it increases till It
comes to the Full. IV hen it is descended, it opens and
shews the Emperor and the Prince. They come forth
with all their Train, the Flutes playing a Symphony
before them, which prepares the Song. Which ended
the Dancers mingle as before.
A SONG.
ALL Joy to Mortals, Joy and Mirth,
Eternal lO'S sing;
The Gods of Love descend to Earth,
Their Darts have- lost the Sting.
The Youth shall now complain no more
Of Sylvia's needless Scorn,
But she shall love, if he adore,
And melt when he shall burn.
The Nymph no longer shall be shy,
But leave the jilting Road ;
And Daphne now no more shall fly
The wounded panting God;
But all shall be serene and fair,
No sad Complaints of Love
Shall fill the gentle whispering Air,
No echoing Sighs the Grove.
Beneath the Shades yaung Strephon lies,
Of all his Wish possessed ;
Gazing on Sylvia's charming Eyes,
Whose Soul is there confessed.
All soft and sweet the Maid appears,
With Looks that know no Art,
And though she yields with trembling Fears,
She yields with all her Heart.
458 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
See, Sir, the Cloud of Foreigners appears, French,
English, Spaniards, Danes, Turks, Russians, Indians, and the
nearer Climes of Christendom ; and lastly, Sir, behold the
mighty Emperor.
\_A Chariot appears, made like a Half Moon, in which
is Cinthio for the Emperor, richly dressed, and
Charmante for the Prince, rich, with a good many
Heroes attending. Cinthio's Train born by four
Cupids. The Song continues while they descend and
land. They address themselves to Elaria and Belle-
man te. Doctor falls on his Face, the rest bow very
low as they pass. They make signs to Keplair.
Kep. The Emperor wou'd have you rise, Sir, he will
expect no Ceremony from the Father of his Mistress.
[ Takes him up.
Doct. I cannot, Sir, behold his Mightiness the Splendor
of his Majesty confounds me.
Kep. You must be moderate, Sir, it is expected.
\_The two Lovers make all the Signs of Love in dumb
show to the Ladies, while the soft Mustek plays again
from the end of the Song.
Doct. Shall I not have the Joy to hear their heavenly
Voices, Sir ?
Kep. They never speak to any Subject, Sir, when .they
appear in Royalty, but by Interpreters, and that by way
of Stentraphon, in manner of the Delphick Oracles.
Doct. Any way, so I may hear the Sense of what they
wou'd say.
Kep. No doubt you will But see the Emperor com
mands by Signs his Foreigners to dance.
[Soft Musick changes.
\_A very Antick Dance. The Dance ended, the Front
Scene draws off, and shows a Temple, with an Altar,
one speaking through a Stentraphon from behind it.
Soft Musick plays the while.
Kep. Most Learned Sir, the Emperor now is going to
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 459
declare himself, according to his Custom, to his Subjects.
Listen.
Sten. Most Reverend Sir, whose Virtue did incite us,
Whose Daughter's Charms did more invite us;
We come to grace her with that Honour,
That never Mortal yet had done her ;
Once only, Jove was known in Story,
To visit Semele in Glory.
But fatal 'twas, he so enjoy'd her,
Her own ambitious Flame destroy'd her.
His Charms too fierce for Flesh and Blood,
She dy'd embracing of her God,
We gentler marks of Passion give,
The Maid we love, shall love and live;
Whom visibly we thus will grace,
Above the rest of human Race,
Say, is't your Will that we shou'd wed her,
And nightly in Disguises bed her?
Doct. The Glory is too great for Mortal Wife.
[Kneels with Transport.
Sten. What then remains, but that we consummate
This happy Marriage in our splendid State?
Doct. Thus low I kneel, in thanks for this great Blessing.
[Cinthio takes Elaria by the Hand; Charmante,
Bellemante ; two of the Singers in white being
Priests, they lead 'em to the Altar, the whole Company
dividing on either side. Where, while a Hymeneal
Song is sung, the Priest joins their Hands : The Song
ended, and they marry 1 d, they come forth ; but before
they come forward, two Chariots descend one on one
side above, and the other on the other side ; in which
is Harlequin dress 1 d like a Mock Hero, with others ;
and Scaramouch in the other, dressed so in Helmets.
Scar. Stay, mighty Emperor, and vouchsafe to be the
Umpire of our Difference. [Cinthio signs to Keplair.
Kep. What are you ?
460 THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON [ACT in
Scar. Two neighbouring Princes to your vast Dominion.
Har. Knights of the Sun, our honourable Titles,
And fight for that fair Mortal, Mopsophil.
Mop. Bless us ! my two precious Lovers, I'll warrant ;
well, I had better take up with one of them, than lie
alone to Night.
Scar. Long as two Rivals we have lov'd and hop'd,
Both equally endeavour'd, and both fail'd.
At last by joint Consent, we both agreed
To try our Titles by the Dint of Lance,
And chose your Mightiness for Arbitrator.
Kep. The Emperor gives Consent.
{They both all arnid with gilded Lances and Shields of
Blacky with golden Suns painted. The Musick plays
a fighting Tune. They fight at Barriers^ to the
Tune. Harlequin is often foiPd, but advances still j
at last Scaramouch throws him^ aud is Conqueror ;
all give Judgment for him.
Kep. The Emperor pronounces you are Victor.
[To Scar.
Doct. Receive your Mistress, Sir, as the Reward of
your undoubted Valour [Presents Mopsophil.
Scar. Your humble Servant, Sir, and Scaramouch returns
you humble Thanks. [Puts off bis Helmet.
Doct. Ha, Scaramouch !
[Bawls out, and falls in a Chair. They all go to him.
My Heart misgives me Oh, I am undone and cheated
every way. [Bawling out.
Kep. Be patient, Sir, and call up all your Virtue,
You're only cur'd, Sir, of a Disease
That long has reign 'd over your nobler Faculties.
Sir, I am your Physician, Friend and Counsellor ;
It was not in the Power of Herbs or Minerals,
Of Reason, common Sense, and right Religion,
To draw you from an Error that unmann'd you.
Doct. I will be patient, Gentlemen, and hear you.
Are not you Ferdinand?
sc. in] THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON 461
Kep^ I am, and these are Gentlemen of Quality,
That long have lov'd your Daughter and your Niece;
Don Cinthio this, and this is Don Charmante,
The Vice-Roy's Nephews both.
Who found as Men 'twas impossible to enjoy 'em,
And therefore try'd this Stratagem.
Cm. Sir, I beseech you, mitigate your Grief,
Although indeed we are but mortal Men,
Yet we shall love you, serve you, and obey you.
Doct. Are not you then the Emperor of the Moon ?
And you the Prince of Thunderland?
Gin. There's no such Person, Sir.
These Stories are the Fantoms of mad Brains,
To puzzle Fools withal the Wise laugh at 'em
Come, Sir, you shall no longer.be impos'd upon.
Doct. No Emperor of the Moon, and no Moon World !
Char. Ridiculous Inventions.
If we'ad not lov'd you you'ad been still impos'd on ;
You had brought a Scandal on your learned Name,
And all succeeding Ages had despis'd it. [Doct. leaps, up.
Doct. Burn all my Books and let my study blaze,
Burn all to Ashes, and be sure the Wind
Scatter the vile contagious monstrous Lyes.
Most Noble Youths you've honour'd me with your
Alliance, and you, and all your Friends, Assistances in
this glorious Miracle, I invite to Night to revel with me.
Come all and see my happy Recantation of all the
Follies, Fables have inspir'd till now. Be pleasant to
repeat your Story, to tell me by what kind degrees you
cozen 'd me.
I see there's nothing in Philosophy
[Gravely to himself.
Of all that writ, he was the wisest Bard, who spoke this
mighty Truth
"He that knew all that ever Learning writ,
"Knew only this that he knew nothing yet.
[Exeunt.
(462)
EPILOGUE,
To be spoken by Mrs. Cooke.
WITH, our old Plays, as with dull Wife it fares,
To whom you have been marry* d tedious Years.
You cry She's wondrous good, it is confessed,
But still 'tis Chapon Bottill at the best;
That constant Dish can never make a Feast :
Yet the pall' d Pleasure you must still pursue,
You give so small Incouragement for new ;
And who would drudge for such a wretched Age,
Who want the Bravery to support one Stage ?
The wiser Wits have now new Measures set,
And taken up new Trades that they may hate.
No more your nice fantastick Pleasures serve,
Your Pimps you pay, but lei your Poets starve,
They long in vain for better Usage hop'd,
Till quite undone and tir'd, they dropt and dropt ;
Not one is left will write for thin third Day,
Like desperate Pickeroons, no Prize no Pay ;
And when they have done their best, the Recompence
Is, Damn the Sot, his Play wants common Sense,
Ill-natured Wits, who can so ill requite
The drudging Slaves, who for your Pleasure write.
Look back on flourishing Rome, ye proud Ingrates,
And see how she her thriving Poets treats :
Wisely she priz'd 'em at the noblest Rate,
As necessary Ministers of State,
And Contributions rais d to make 'em great.
They from the publick Bank she did maintain,
And freed from want, they only writ for Fame ;
EPILOGUE 463
And were as useful in a City held,
As formidable Armies in the Field.
They but a Conquest over Men pursud,
While these by gentle force the Soul subdud.
Not Rome in all her happiest Pomp coud show \
A greater Cassar than we boast of now ;
Augustus reigns, but Poets still are low.
May Caesar live, and while his mighty Hand
Is scattering Plenty over all the Land ;
With God-like Bounty recompensing all,
Some fruitful drops may on the Muses fail ;
Since honest Pens do his just cause afford
Equal Advantage with the useful Sword.
NOTES.
Ill H H
NOTES ON THE TEXT.
THE TOWN FOP.
p. 7 Dramatis Person*?. I have added 'Page to Bellmour , Page to Lord Plot-
well , Sir Timothys Page ; Guests; Fiddlers; Ladies.'
p. 12, 1.36 honoured. 1724. 'honourable'.
p. 13, 1. 2 ans-wered the Civility. 1724 'answered her the Civility'.
p. 13, 1.23 tvbats. 1724 'what'.
p. 13, 1. 26 any thing in Life. 1724 'any thing in this Life'.
p. 14, 1. 3 God forbid it; 1724 omits 'it'.
p. 15, l.i i you speak well. 1724 omits 'well'.
p. 15, 1. 20 Mrs. Celinda Dress-well. Following 410 1677 and 1724 I have
retained the name Dresswell although it should obviously be Friendlove.
In the first draft Friendlove was called Dresswell, and in altering the
nomenclature of the character Mrs. Behn forgot to make the change
here. The same slip occurs in this same scene (p. 20, 1.23) when
Friendlove is alluded to as Dresswell.
p. i6,1.2 help. 1724 'help'd'.
p. 16,1.30 me to. 1724 omits 'to'.
p. 17, 1. 9 and Allurements. 1724 omits 'and'.
p. 19, 1.29 beholding. 1724 'beholden'.
p. 19, 1.31 belong'd. 1724 'belongs'.
p. 20, 1. 6 Murder. 410 1677 has here the marginal stage direction
'[A Letter', to remind the prompter to have that property ready for
the immediate entry of Friendlove.
p. 22, 1.4 Exit Sir Tim. 410 1677 has 'Ex.' after 'Celinda.' 1724 'Exit'
after 'Southampton House.'
p. 22, 1. 6 Exeunt. I have supplied this stage direction. 410 1677 has
'The End of the First Act.'
p. 22, 1. 8 A Palace. I have left this quaint locale untouched although the
scene is merely an antechamber in Friendlove's house, and can have
been no more than a drop cloth.
p. 22, 1. 27 Scene II. This Scene is not numbered in the previous editions
but considered as Scene I with the former.
p. 24, 1. 10 To-morrow. I724asprose. I follow metrical arrangement of 410.
p. 26, 1. 12 impose. 410 1677 'imposes'.
p. 27, 1. i 5 Scene III. Sir Timothy's House. I have supplied the locale. In
all former editions Scenes I and II being counted as one this is
numbered Scene II.
p. 27, 1. 1 6 and Boy. I have added the entrance of the Boy.
p. 28, 1.12 that I am. 4to 1677 omits 'that'.
p. 28, 1. 28 and -where and -where. 1724 reads ' and where ' once.
p. 29, 1.25 Fortunes. 1 724 ' Fortune '.
p. 30, 1. 32 Exeunt. 4to 1677 'Ex.' 1724 'Exit.'
468 NOTES
p. 30, 1.33 Scene IV. Lord Plot-well's House. I have added the locale. The
former editions, regarding Scenes I and II of this act as one, read
'Scene III.'
p. 34,1. 21 nor one. 1677 ' nor none',
p. 37, 1.14 Scene V. 'Scene IV in former editions,
p. 39, 1.34 Exeunt. Not in former editions. 410 1677 has 'The End of
the Second Act.'
p. 40, 1. 2 A Room in Lord Plot-well's House. All former editions mark the
locale as 'The Street.' But this is obviously wrong from the sitting,
dancing and whole business of the scene,
p. 41, 1.6 Griefs. 1 724 'Grief.
p. 41,1. 9 something of disorder. 410 1677 ' something in disorder',
p. 41, 1.24 bear. 410 1677 'bare',
p. 42, 1.19 Life left. 1724 omits 'left',
p. 43, 1. 4 plung'd in Blood. 1724 ' plung'd in, in Blood.'
p. 43, 1. 5 AJigg. Not in 1724.
p-43, 1. 19 <with all your Faults. 410 1677 omits 'your '.
p.45, 1.4 of it. 410 1677 'on't'.
p. 47, 1.7 Exeunt. All former editions 'Exit.'
p. 47, 1. 8 Scene II. No former editions number this scene, but read 'Enter
Diana, Scene a Bedchamber.'
p. 47,1. 33 unto. 410 1677 'to',
p. 49, 1.25 Lo-ve. 1 724 'Life',
p. 50, 1. 23 Exit. Not marked in former editions.
p. 50, 1. 24 Scene III. A Street. No former editions number this scene,
p. 51, 1. i Which. 410 1677 'Who'.
p. 54, 1. 34 Exeunt. Not in 1724. 410 1677 adds 'The End ofthe Third Act.'
p. 55, 1. 2 Celindas Chamber. The locale is unmarked in all former editions.
p. 57, 1. 15 the long' d for. 410 1677 misprints 'she long'd for',
p. 59, 1.8 Blessings. 1724 'Blessing',
p. 59, 1. 10 Who ere. 1724 'When e'er',
p. 61, 1. ii and -who. 1724 ' and she who '.
p. 62, 1.6 Scene II. The former editions have not numbered this scene,
p. 62, l.i i Jenny and Doll. I have supplied the wenches' names as given in
the Dramatis Person*,
p. 63, l.i Garnitures. 1724 'Garments',
p. 64,1. i Scene III. I have numbered the scene. Former editions all read
'Scene a Chamber, a Table with Box and Dice.'
p. 72, 1. 20 Ex. severally. 410 1677 adds 'The End of the Fourth Act.'
p. 72, 1. 22 Scene I. I have numbered this scene.
p. 76, 1.14 Scene II. Lord PlotvuelVs House. There is no scene division in
410 1677. I have numbered this scene and added the locale which is
evident from the dialogue.
p. 80, 1. 5 Exit. 410 1677 omits this stag.e direction,
p. 82, 1. 10 Scene III. I have numbered this scene,
p. 82, 1. 27 Look on this face. I have metrically arranged this. It is obviously
verse. 410 1677 and 1724 print as prose.
p. 94, 1. 24 -written by Mr. E. R. i.e. 'Mr. Edward Ravenscroft.' Omitted
in 1724.
NOTES 469
THE FALSE COUNT.
p. 101 Dramatis Persona. I have added to the list 'Page to Carlos , A little
Page to the False Count ; Wife to Petro.'
p. 106, 1.26 i/oiving. Omitted by 1724.
p. 109, I./ hither. Omitted by 1724.
p. no, 1. 36 easier. 410 1697 and 1724 'easilier'.
p. iii,l. ii Son. 4tos 'Soul',
p. 115, 1.28 Husivise. read 'Huswife'.
p. 116,1.5 Just-au-corps. 410 1697 'Justicore'.
p. 120,1.29 He goes out. 1724 'Exeunt severally.'
p. 1 20, 1. 30 Scene II. I have numbered this scene,
p. 121, 1. 34 Page holding his lanthorn to his face. Omitted in 1724.
p. 125, 1. 20 Going in. 4tos 1682 and 1697 read 'Goes in.' But Carlos,
obviously, does not leave the stage at this point.
p. 128, 1. 24 Scene HI. I have numbered this scene,
p. 131, 1. ii Don Carlos' house, I have added the locale,
p. 131,1. 26 dear. 1724 'dearer'.
p. 135, 1. 1 6 Francisco's house. I have added the locale.
p. 135, 1.26 should. 1724 'shall'.
p. 139, 1.15 not yet. 1724 repeats 'not yet'.
p. 140, 1. 2 froivard. 1724 'forward',
p. 143, 1. 21 They dance. 4tos add 'with Don', which seems unsuitable as
the company are seated,
p. 147, 1. 22 Exit Cap. I have added this necessary direction, not in any
previous edition, although all mark his entry again a little later,
p. 152, 1. 15 the body of Francisco. 4tos 1682 and 1697. 1724 omits 'the
body of.
p. 156, 1.29 glout. 1 724 'glut',
p. 158, 1.6 Mahometan. 1724 repeats 'Mahometan',
p. 158, 1.33 And ivou'd not break. These two lines, which are obviously
metrical, all former editions print as prose.
p. 163, 1.19 and Mutes attending. I have added these words as Carlos
addresses the mutes a little later in the scene,
p. 163, 1.21 your. 1724 'thy',
p. 166,1.13 Sir, I'll -warrant. 1724 omits ' Sir',
p. 167, 1.15 that's the greatest. 1724 omits 'that's',
p. 1 68, 1. 30 Aside. 1724 omits.
THE LUCKY CHANCE.
p. 177 The Lucky Chance. On the title of the 410 1687, we have 'This may
be Printed, April 23, 1686. R. P.'
p. 183, l.i To The Right Honourable. This Dedication and the Preface
(p. 185) are only found in the 410 1687.
p. 190 Dramatis Persona. I have added to the list 'Gingle, a Music Master;
A Post-man ; Susan, Servant to Sir Feeble ; Phillis, Leticia's Woman.'
470 NOTES
p. 191,1. 20 Enter Mr. Gingle. I have inserted Gingle's name. All previous
editions read 'Enter several with Musick."
p. 194, 1. 5 Dudgeon. 4to 1687 'Dugion'.
p. 199, 1. 13 I have had . . . Guyneys. These words have by a curiously
gross error been dropped out in all editions save the 410 1687.
p. 202, 1. 30 all but for. 1724 omits 'but '.
p.203, 1. 10 so, I'll go. 1724 'so, and I'll go',
p. 203, 1.27 Then then. All previous editions read 'Then thou' which
makes no sense. The emendation, if not what Mrs. Behn wrote, is at
least grammatical.
p. 204, 1. 34 this St. Martin's Trumpery. 1724 ' these '.
p. 205, 1. 4 my Girl. 1724 omits ' my '.
p. 206, 1. 28 of the World. 1724 'of the whole World'.
p. 207, 1. 30 beholding. 1724 ' beholden '.
p. 207, 1. 36 Atide. 1724 omits.
p. 209, 1. 2 look, look how. 1724 'look, how '.
p. 209, 1. 12 Exeunt. I have supplied this, which does not occur in previous
editions. 410 1687 has 'The End of the First Act.' 1724 gives nothing.
p. 210,1.3 Livings. 1724 ' Living',
p. 216, 1. 13 Enter Bellmour. I have placed this entrance here as by his first
speech Bellmour obviously overhears Leticia's words, ' Blest be this
kind Retreat'. 1724 places the entrance after 'Sighs and Tears.'
4to 1687 gives it in a bracket by Leticia's three lines,
p. 218, 1.9 Lit. But how. I have arranged these lines metrically. 410 1687
and 1724 print as prose.
p. 221, l.i Seraglio. 410 1687 ' Seraglia '.
p. 222, 1.31 Quonundrum, 410 1687 ' Qunnumdrum '.
p. 224,1. 17 Exit. I have supplied this. 1724 gives no direction. 4101687
has 'The End of the Second Act.'
p. 225, 11. 13, 25 Aside. Not in 410 1687.
p. 226, 1. 8 swooned. 4to 1687 'swoonded '.
p. 227, 1. 9 Aside. Not in 410 1687.
p. 227, 1. 29 Scene II. I have numbered this scene.
p. 227, 1. 29 in an undressing. 1724 omits ' in an '.
p. 228, 1. 7 Aside. Omitted in 4to 1687.
p. 228, 1.21 Within. I have supplied this stage direction here and in
Bellmour's following speech.
p. 229, 1.2 to him. Not in 1724.
p. 229, 1.4 before tomorrow. 1 724 reads 'before we go to him to-morrow.'
p. 229, 1. 27 bis Safety. 1724 omits 'his '.
P' 2 3'>1'3 I'm sorry. I have arranged this metrically. Former editions as
prose.
p. 231, 1. 16 Woman. 410 1687 'Women*. But Pert is alone,
p. 231,1. 22 Want. 1724 misprints 'Wont',
p. 234, 1. 4 Exit. I have supplied this stage direction.
p. 234, 1. 5 Scene V. I have numbered this scene,
p. 234,1. 27 Dick his Boy. Former editions 'and Boy.' But Dick's name is
given in the Dramatis Personae and later in this same scene,
p. 235, 1. ii you know. Omitted by 1724.
NOTES 471
p. 237, 1. 21 Aside. Former editions wrongly mark this whole speech 'aside*.
The last sentence is clearly spoken aloud to Sir Cautious,
p. 238, 1.30 Ad, and. 1724 ' and and*,
p. 238, 1.32 Exit Dick. I have added this Exit, unmarked in former editions.
Dick obviously does not remain on the stage as his entrance is marked
later.
p. 239, 1. 14 Aside, turns. 1724 omits 'turns',
p. 240, 1. 29 Scene VI. I have numbered this scene,
p. 241, 1.28 Aside. Not in 410 1687. But marked in 1724.
p. 243, 1. 1 8 Exeunt. This stage direction is in no previous edition,
p. 244, 11. 28-36 / am sorry . . . Jetve/, Sir. Previous editions as prose,
p. 245, 1. 5 Where bad . . . Previous editions print as prose,
p. 246, 1. i rivell'd. 410 1687. All later editions 'shrivel'd', which is by
no means as good.
p. 246, 1. 2 Ladles. 1724 misprints 'Ladies',
p. 248, 1.31 amended. 1724 ' mended '.
p. 249, 1. 2 Dinner in. 1724 ' Dinner at '.
p. 255, 1.27 "wou'd but stand. 1724 omits 'but',
p. 259, 1. 13 Exit. I have added this stage direction. 410 1687 reads 'The
End of the Fourth Act.'
p. 260, 1. 17 Scene II. I have numbere'd this scene,
p. 263, 1. 14 Scene III. 410 and 1724 ' Scene II."
p. 264,1.21 attend. 1724 ' intend.'
p. 265, 1. 31 Soft Mustek ceases. I put this stage direction here, following
410 1687. 1724 inserts it after the Song, which is not so well,
p. 266, 1. 20 Scene IV. I have numbered this scene,
p. 267, 1. i Yet you may. I have arranged the whole speech metrically. 1687
prints to 'April Flow'rs' as prose. 1724 prints to 'gather' as prose,
p. 267, 1.19 Sir. Omitted in 1724.
p. 268, 1. 1 1 Buthave. I have arranged metrically. Previous editions prose,
p. 269, 1.29 With all my Soul. 410 1687 gives an '[Aside 1 to Cayman's
speech. This is an obvious error.
p. 270, 1. 12 Scene V. I have numbered this and the two following scenes,
p. 271, 1. 20 he have not. 1724 ' he has not '.
p. 271,1.31 Oh ! Tou. I have arranged metrically. Previous editions prose,
p. 274, 1. 3 Life's. 410 1687 'Lives',
p. 275, 1. 24 Enter Leticia, Bellmour, and Pbillis. I have added this necessary
direction which is in no former edition,
p. 278, 1.20 An After Math. 410 1687 reads 'An After Mach '. 1724
'An after Match*. As neither of these forms are found, the 410 seems
an obvious misprint for 'After Math*,
p. 278, 1.25 "whiffing. 1724 'whistling*.
THE FORC'D MARRIAGE.
p. 286, 1.15 Enter an Actress. Omitted in 410 1671.
p. 287 Dramatis Persona. I have added to the list 'Page to Pisaro j Clergy ;
Officers;' and have named Lysette from Act iii, v. 4to 1671 spells
OrsulitiS; Orguilious ; Falatius, Falatio ; Cleontius, Cleontious in
472 NOTES
the Dramatis Personae, but in the text I have spelled these names
throughout following 1724. It may here be noted that the 1671 quarto
swarms with errors and typographical mistakes. It is vilely printed
and seemingly issued from the press almost without revision.
p. 288, 1.2 The Palace. I have added the locale.
p. 289, 1. 5 Bra-very. 4101671. 410 1690 and 1724 'Virtue '.
p. 289, 1. ii Alcippus. 410 1671 prints 'Alcip.' as a speech-prefix. An
obvious blunder.
p. 289, 1. 18 Gift. 410 1671 misreads 'Guilt'.
p. 290, 1. 1 1 added little. 1 724 ' added a little '.
p. 290, 1.19 bated. 410 1690 and 1724 'hate*.
p. 292, 1.9 -who. 410 1671 'whom'.
p. 295, 1. 5 pretends. 410 1671 'pretend'.
p. 295, 1. 31 tbee most fatal proofs. 1724 'the most fatal proof.
p. 296, l.i 8 There -was so. Following quartos I have printed these lines
(which 1 724 gives as prose) metrically, although I confess the result is
not satisfactory.
p. 297, 1. I Galatea's Apartments. I have added this locale.
p. 298, 1. 9 first. Not in 410 1671.
p. 298, 1. 29 Sighing. Not in 410 1671.
p. 299, 1. 30 Madam, that grief . This speech, which all previous editions
give to Erminia, I have assigned to Aminta. I am, however, not
entirely satisfied that a speech of Galatea's has not dropped out here
(the first quarto is notoriously careless), and in this case the speech
may well be Erminia's.
p. 300, 1. 14 sworn. 410 1690 and 1724, which I retain as better than
1671 'vow'd'.
p. 300, 1. 24 -won. 410 1690 and 1724, which I have preferred to 1671
'mov'd'.
p. 301, 1. i A room in the bouse. I have added this locale.
p. 303, 1. 29 and Isil. I have added Isillia's exit.
p. 303, 1. 30 Philander' s Apartments. I have added the locale.
p. 305, 1. 14 The Representation of the Wedding. This line is not in 1724.
p. 305, 1. 15 must be let down . . . mustplay. 1724 'is let down . . . plays.'
p. 305, 1. 29 The Palace. I have added this locale.
p. 306, 1.22 th' Almighty. 410 1671 'i'th' Almighty'.
p. 307,1.31 needs. 410 1671 'need'. 1690 ' needs't'.
p. 309, 1. i The Court Gallery. I have added this locale.
p. 309, 1. 8 That sad tone. I have followed the quartos in their metrical
arrangement of this speech. 1724 gives it as prose. The same rule
has been observed 1. 21, 'Am. Nay thou hast . . .'
p. 310, 1.31 Not so -well. In this speech and also p. 311, 1. i I have
followed the metrical arrangement of the 4108. 1724 prints as prose.
p. 312, 1.9 Ex. 410 1671 'goes out.'
p. 312, 1.13 Exeunt. 410 1671 'go out.'
p. 312, 1.14 'Tit the most. I have followed the two quartos in their
arrangement of these lines, which, none the less, seems far from satis
factory. 1724 prints as prose.
p. 313, 1. 10 Erminia. 410 1671 omits.
NOTES 473
p. 313, 1.28 She weeps. Not in 410 1671, but in 410 1690 and in 1724.
p-313, 1. 35 Prince his word. 4to 1690 and 1724 ' Prince's word '.
p. 315, 1. 10 Thou would' st allow. This is the reading of 410 1690 and of
1724. 410 1671 reads 'I should allow what I deny thee here.'
p. 316, 1. 31 Philander' s Bed-chamber. I have added the locale,
p. 317, 1.25 marry other. 1724 'marry any other',
p. 320, 1. 5 an ignorant. This is the reading of the 4tos. I take 'ignorant'
as the obsolete substantive. 1724 omits 'an'.
p. 320, 1.9 Enter Lysette. 1724 has 'Enter a Maid', but gives speech
prefix ' Lye.', spelling Lysette, Lycette.
p. 320, 1. 12 / cry your Lordship's. I have followed the 4103 in the metrical
arrangement of this speech. 1724 prints as prose,
p. 320, 1.15 She goes in. 1724 ' She goes out.'
p. 320, 1. 21 I fell asleep. So 4tos. 1724 as prose.
p.32l,1.28 Shepherdess. 4tos and 1724 punctuate 'Shepherdess,'. Ithasbeen
suggested that the passage be punctuated with a full stop at 'call.' and
continue 'Ah, cruel' with the punctuation of former editions retained,
p. 323, 1. 8 he has. 410 1671 'it has".
p. 323, 1. 14 'the Court Gallery. I have supplied this locale,
p. 326, 1.21 The apartments of Alcippus. I have supplied this locale,
p. 327, 1. 26 And I so strangely. 410 1671 omits 'I '.
p. 330, 1. 23 The Palace. I have supplied this locale. 1724 misprints
Scene IV.
p. 330, 1.24 as passing by. Omitted by 1724.
p. 331, 1. 23 Railly. 1724 prints this speech as prose,
p. 332, 1.29 beholding. 1724 ' beholden '.
p. 332, 1. 32 Fal. That's too much. Following the 4tos I have arranged all
the speeches of Falatius, which 1724 gives as prose, metrically. The
result is, it must be confessed, not entirely satisfactory in places.
p. 334, 1. 25 Fare-well. 4tos and 1724 all print ' For well',
p. 334, 1. 34 Sees Pisaro. 1724 omitting 'sees' makes a poor alteration in
the conduct of this business.
p. 3 3 5, 1. 20 Exit Pis. Former editions simply ' Exit.' This confuses the scene,
p. 335, 1. 21 Re-enter Falatius. The 4tos omit this stage direction,
p. 337, 1. 7 Galatea's Apartments. I have supplied the locale.
p. 337, 1. 12 you were. 4to 1690 and 1724 'you are',
p. 338, 1. 25 must credit you. 410 1671 'faith, I credit you",
p. 339, 1.4 Erminia, sure you'll. 410 1690 and 1724 ' Erminia sure will',
p. 339, 1. 14 the fault. 410 1690 and 1724 'my faults',
p. 340, 1. 5 He rises. I have inserted 'He' to make the direction quite clear,
p. 342, 1. 5 The Palace. I have added the locale,
p. 343,1. 25 loving me. 4to 1671 prints an unsatisfactory text :
'none for loving me, for
I'm much unlike Lucinda whom you ey'd.'
p. 344, 1. 28 The Apartments of Alcippus. I have added this locale,
p. 344, 1. 32 fear'd. 410 1671 'heard',
p. 347, 1. 17 Entering. I have added this stage direction,
p. 347, 1. 30 a Chamber. I have inserted the locale.
p. 347, 1. 30 in a dishabit. All editions save 410 1671 read 'in an undress '.
474 NOTES
p. 349, 1. 5 appetites. 1724 'appetite'.
p. 349, 1.12 Within. I have supplied this stage direction.
p. 349, 1.20 took. 1724 'taken'.
p. 351, 1.34 To Alcip. This and the following stage direction 'To the
Prince' are not in 410 1671.
p. 352, 1. 16 vile. 410 1671 omits.
p. 352, 1. 25 or smothers her -with a pillo-w. This is only found in 410 1671.
p. 353, l.zi Knew. 410 1671 'know',
p. 354,1. 6 has. 410 1671 'had'.
p. 354, 1. 1 6 Murder. 410 1690 and 1724 'a Murderer',
p. 354, 1. 29 The Palace. I have supplied the locale,
p. 356, 1.30 merits not. 1724 ' merits all'. A striking misprint,
p. 357, 1.12 Gonaal. 410 1671 ' Gen'rall'.
p. 357, 1. 16 Tou once. 410 1671 wrongly gives this to the King,
p. 357, 1. 19 And should. 410 1671 omits this whole line,
p. 357, 1.29 Fal. Wert. I have followed the arrangement of 4to 1671
throughout in this scene, which 1724 prints as prose,
p. 358, 1. 7 Tiffany. 410 1690 and 1724 'Taffety.'
p. 358, 1.22 Philander' t Apartments. I have supplied this locale,
p. 359, 1. 29 Within. I have added this stage direction,
p. 360, 1.27 Gods . I follow 4108. 1724 prints these two lines as prose,
p. 361, 1. 36 the World. 1724 'that World '.
p. 362, 1. 6 smiling to the Princess. 1724 reads 'Er. who comes out smiling.'
p. 363, l.i 8 Galatea's Apartments. I have supplied the locale,
p. 365, 1. 8 'twas. 410 1690 and 1724 'twere',
p. 365, 1. 12 The Bedchamber. I have supplied this locale,
p. 365, 1.14 so. 410 1671 'now',
p. 365, 1. 20 Weeps. 410 1671 only has 'Weeps.' 410 1690 and 1724 give
the stage direction in full.
p. 365, 1.31 Influence. 410 1671 'Influences' to the ruin of the metre,
p. 366, 1.6 as touch her. 410 1690, 1724 'to touch her',
p. 368, 1.8 Princes. 4103 1671, 1690 read 'Princess',
p. 368, 1. 14 tubo goes. 4tos 1671, 1690 'and goes',
p. 368, 1.32 Do. 410 1671 'So',
p. 369, 1. 28 ivhat. 410 1671 ' which',
p. 371, 1. 8 The King's Chamber. I have supplied this locale and that of the
following Scene (IV).
p. 374, 1. 28 A Pass or two. Only in 410 1671.
p. 375, 1. 25 Alcip. Might I. Only 410 1671 gives this speech to Alcippus.
All other editions erroneously continue it as part of Galatea's speech.
P- 37S> ! 3 2 My Love. 410 1671 wrongly 'Thy love '.
p. 377,1.13 Ease. 410 1671 'easie'.
p. 381, 1. 8 Exeunt. I have supplied this stage direction.
THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON.
p. 390, 1. i To The Lord Marquess. The dedication only occurs in 4105
1687, 1688.
p. 391,1.6 Billet Doux. 4tos read 'Billet Deux' The same form is found
NOTES 475
in the Prologue 1.8 5 but as no other instance of 'Billet Deux' occurs
I have corrected what is doubtless a misprint,
p. 394, 1. z8 Adznigs. 1724, 'Adzigs'.
p. 395 Dramatis Persona;. I have added 'Page ; Florinda, Cousin to Elaria
and Bellemante.'
p. 398, 1.4 otherwise. 1724 'otherways'.
p. 399, .30 Rosycrusian. 410 1687 'Rosacrucian.'
p. 400, .16 Ma tres chere. 410 1687 ' Matres chear.' 410 1688 'Marrois
ch re.'
p. 400, .27 tout autour. 4to 1687 'tout au toore." 4to 1688 'tout au tour.'
p. 400, .30 sighing. 1724 misprints 'fighting',
p. 401, .9 Cbeveux blonds. 4tos 'Chevave Blond',
p. 403, .30 Sylphs. 410 1687 ' Silfs.'
p. 409, 1. 13 Scene HI. All the former editions have Scene II.
p. 412, 1. 21 Enter Doctor. Both 4tos and 1724 omit to mark this entrance
which I have supplied.
0.413,1.18 Draivs. 1724 omits.
p. 417, 1. 19 The End of the First Act. Only in 4tos 1687, 1688.
p. 417, 1.21 A Chamber. I have added the locale,
p. 418, 1. 26 the Street. 1724 ' a Street.'
p. 418, 1.27 a Flambeaux. This is the reading of both 4tos. 1724 'a
Flambeau'. As Sir T. Herbert, Tra-vels (1638), has a plural 'Flam-
beauxes' I have retained 'Flambeaux' as a singular here, though no
other instance can be cited.
p. 420, 1.6 Scene HI. I have numbered this scene,
p. 420, 1.9 Florinda. I have inserted this name here and as speech-prefix
instead of ' Lady'. It is supplied by Act ii, 11, and again in this scene,
p. 422, 1.2 Harpsicals. 1724 ' Harpsicords'.
p. 422, 1. i 5 Within. I have supplied this stage direction,
p. 424, 1. 3 Doct. Hold up. 1724 improperly puts this speech after the
stage direction.
p. 424, 1. 8 Harlequin sits still. 4tos ' He sits still.'
p. 426, 11. 7, 9 Mistriss. 1724 'Mrs.'
p. 426, 1. 35 Aside, and Exit. 'Aside' only in 1724. I have supplied 'and
exit.'
p. 427, 1. 1 6 Scene IV. I have numbered this scene and supplied the locale
'to Bellemante's Chamber'.
p.429,1.6 Scene V. I have numbered this scene,
p. 436, 1. 14 The End of the Second Act. Only in 4103.
p. 438, 1. 22 Scene II. I have numbered this scene,
p. 442, 1.5 prima. 4tos misprint 'Fema '.
p. 453, 1. 1 Scene III. The Last. I have numbered this scene. 1724 omits
'The Last.'
p. 454, 1. 3 the Emperor. 1 724 omits ' the '.
p. 456, 1. 28 Sagittary. 1724 'Sagittar'.
p. 461, 1. 32 Gra-vely to himself. Only in 4tos.
p. 462, l.ig Pay. 1724 'Play.'
p. 462, 1.29 Bank. 1724 'Rank'.
(476
NOTES : CRITICAL AND EXPLANATORY.
THE TOWN FOP.
p. 1 5 Mrs. Celinda Dress-well. Dresswell was obviously the original name
of Friendlove, and Mrs. Behn forgot to alter her MS. at this passage.
The same oversight occurs later in the act when Bellmour says 'I must
rely on Dresswell's friendship,' (p. 20).
p. 1 8 Glass Coach. Coaches with glasses were a recent invention and very
fashionable amongst the courtiers and ladies of the Restoration. De
Grammont tells in his Memoirs how he presented a French calash
with glasses to the King, and how, after the Queen and the Duchess
of York had publicly appeared in it, a battle royal took place between
Lady Castlemaine and Miss Stewart as to which of the two should first
be seen therein on a fine day in Hyde Park. The Ultimum Vale of John
Carleton (410, 1663) says, 'I could wish her coach . . . made of the
new fashion, with glass, very stately, . . . was come for me."
p. 20 Tom Dove. A well-known bear so named and exhibited at the Bear
Garden. Besides this passage there are four other allusions to him to
be found. Dryden's Epilogue to the King and Queen at the Union of the
Two Companies, 1682, has :
Then for your lacquies . . .
They roar so loud, you'd think behind the stairs,
Tom Dove, and all the brotherhood of bears.
His prologue to Vanbrugh's alteration of The Pilgrim (1700) begins :
How wretched is the fate of those who write !
Brought muzzled to the stage, for fear they bite ;
Where, like Tom Dove, they stand the common foe.
In Southerne's The Maid's Last Prayer (1693) Act ii, n, Granger on
receiving an invitation to dinner cries : 'Zounds ! a man had as good
be ty'd to a stake and baited like Tom Dove on Easter Monday as be
the necessary appurtenance of a great man's table !' D'Urfey in the
epilogue (spoken by Verbruggen) to Robert Gould's The Rival Sisters ,
^Tfr, The Violence of Love, produced at Drury Lane in 1696, writes :
When the dull Crowd, unskill'd in these Affairs,
To day wou'd laugh with us, to morrow with the Bears :
Careless which Pastime did most Witty prove,
Or who pleas'd best, Tom Poet, or'Tom Dove.
Tom Dove has been wrongly described as 'a bearward.'
p. 22 Southampton House. Southampton House, Bloomsbury, occupied the
whole of the north side of the present Bloomsbury Square. It had
'a curious garden behind, which lieth open to the fields,' Strype.
NOTES 477
A great rendezvous for duellists, cf. Epilogue to Mountfort's Greenwich
Park (Drury Lane, 1691) spoken by Mrs. Mountfort :
If you're displeased with what you've seen to-night
Behind Southampton House we'll do you right ;
Who is't dares draw 'gainst me and Mrs. Knight?
p. 39 Nickers, -vide note (p. 456) Vol. I, p. 398, The Roundheads.
p. 41 Courant. A quick, lively dance frequently referred to in old dramatists,
p. 43 A Jigg. There were, in Post-Restoration times, two interpretations
of the word Jig. Commonly speaking it was taken to mean exactly
what it would now, a simple dance. Nell Gwynne and Moll Davis
were noted for the dancing of Jigs. cf. Epilogue to Buckingham's
The Chances (1682):
The Author dreads the strut and meen
Of new prais'd Poets, having often seen
Some of his Fellows, who have writ before,
When Nel has danc'd her Jig, steal to the Door,
Hear the Pit clap, and with conceit of that
Swell, and believe themselves the Lord knows what.
Thus at the end of Lacy's The Old Troop (31 July, 1668), we have
'a dance of two hobby horses in armour, and a Jig.' Also shortly before
the epilogue in Shadwell's The Sullen Lovers (1668) we read, 'Enter a
Boy in the habit of Pugenello and traverses the stage, takes his chair
and sits down, then dances a Jig.'
But it must be remembered that beside the common meaning
there was a gloss upon the word derived from Elizabethan stage
practice. In the prologue to The Fair Maid of the Inn (licensed 1626),
good plays are spoken of as often scurvily treated, whilst
A Jigge shall be clapt at, and every rhime
Prais'd and applauded by a clam'rous chyme.
The Pre-Restoration Jig was little other indeed than a ballad
opera in embryo lasting about twenty-five minutes and given as an
after-piece. It was a rhymed farce in which the dialogue was sung
or chanted by the characters to popular ballad tunes. But after the
Restoration the Jig assumed a new and more serious complexion, and
came eventually to be dovetailed with the play itself, instead of being
given at the fag end of the entertainment. Mr. W. J. Lawrence, the
well-known theatrical authority to whom I owe much valuable
information contained in this note, would (doubtless correctly) attribute
the innovation to Stapylton and Edward Howard, both of whom dealt
pretty freely in these Jigs. Stapylton has in Act v of The Slighted
Maid (1663) a 'Song in Dialogue' between Aurora and Phoebus with
a chorus of Cyclops, which met with some terrible parody in The
Rehearsal (cf. the present editor's edition of The Rehearsal, p. 145).
Indeed all extrinsic songs in dialogue, however serious the theme,
were considered 'Jigs'. A striking example would be the Song of the
Spirits in Dryden's Tyrannic Love, Act iv.
In Post-Restoration days a ballad sung in the streets by two
persons was frequently called a Jig, presumably because it was a ' song
478
NOTES
in dialogue'. Numerous examples are to be found amongst the
Roxburgh Ballads.
The Jig introduced in Sir Timothy Taiodrey would seem to have
been the simple dance although not improbably an epithalamium was
also sung.
p. 44 an Entry. A dance which derived its name from being performed at
that point in a masque when new actors appeared. In Crowne's The
Country Wit (\t>-j <f) Act iii, i, there is a rather stupid play on this
sense of the word confounded with its meaning 'a hall or lobby'.
p. 63 Cracking. Prostitution. A rare substantive, although 'Crack', whence
it is derived, was common, cf. p. 93 and note.
p. 65 Cater-tray. cater = quatre. The numbers four and three on dice or
cards. This term was used generally as a cant name for dice ; often
for cogged or loaded dice.
p. 69 She cries Wbore first. In allusion to the old proverb cf. The Feign'd
Courtezans, Act v, iv, Vol.11, p. 409, when Mr. Tickletext on his
discovery appeals to the same saw.
p. 8 1 Berjere. A very favourite word with Mrs. Behn. vide Vol. II, note
(p. 346, The hour of the Berjere}, p. 441 The Feign d Courtezans.
p. 93 Cracks. Whores. As early as 1678 'Crack' is the proper name of a
whore in Tunbridge Wells, an anonymous comedy played at the Duke's
House. . cf. D'Urfey, Madam Fickle (1682), Act v, n, when Flaile says :
' Y'have killed a Mon yonder, He that you quarrell'd with about your
Crack there.' Farquhar, Love and a Bottle (1698), Act v, n, has : 'You
imagine I have got your whore, cousin, your crack.' Grose, Diet.
Vulgar Tongue, gives the word, and it is also explained by the Lexicon
Balatronicum (1811). It was, in fact, in common use for over an
hundred years.
p. 94 Mr. E. R. i.e. Edward Ravenscroft.
THE FALSE COUNT.
p. 99 Forty One. cf. note, Vol. II (p. 207) p. 433, The City Heiress.
p. 99 no Plot -was true. A patent allusion to the fictitious Popish Plot,
p. 99 Con-venticles. For the accentuated last syllable, vide Vol. I, p. 454.
A striking example of this accentuation occurs in a Collection of
Loyal Songs 16391661
But all the Parish see it plain,
Since thou art in this pickle,
Thou art an Independent quean,
And lov'st a conventicle.
p. 99 Christian Suckling. The charge of murdering young Christian boys,
especially at Passover time, and eating their flesh was continually
brought against the Jews. Little St. Hugh of Lincoln, St. William of
Norwich, the infant St. Simon of Trent and many more were said to
have been martyred in this way. But recently (1913) the trial of
Mendil Beiliss, a Jew, upon a charge of ritually murdering the Russian
lad Yushinsky has caused a world-wide sensation.
NOTES 479
p. 99 Gulling. Guzzling. Guttle is used in a secondary sense (=to flatter)
in The City Heiress, "vide Vol. II, note (on p. 207) p. 433.
p. 100 took in LamVs-Wool Ale. Lamb's-Wool Ale is hot ale mixed with
the pulp of roasted apples, sugared and well spiced. The allusion is to
Lord Howard of Esrick, who, having been imprisoned in the Tower
on a charge connected with the so-called Popish Plot, to prove his
innocence took the Sacrament according to the rites of the English
church. It is said, however, that on this occassion, instead of wine,
lamb's-wool was profanely used. cf. Dryden's bitter jibe Absalom and
Achitophel (November, 1681), I, 575 :
And canting Nadab let oblivion damn,
Who made new porridge for the paschal lamb,
cf. also Absalom's IX Worthies ;
Then prophane Nadab, that hates all sacred things,
And on that score abominateth kings ;
With Mahomet wine he damneth, with intent
To erect his Paschal-lamb's-wool-Sacrament.
A ballad on the Rye House Plot, entitled The Conspiracy; or, The
Disco-very of the Fanatic Plot, sings :
Next valiant and noble Lord Howard,
That formerly dealt in lamb's wool ;
Who knowing what it is to be towered,
By impeaching may fill the jails full,
p. 100 Brumighams. Bromingham was a slang term of the day for a Whig.
Roger North says that the Tories nicknamed the opposite party ''Bir
mingham Protestants, alluding to the false groats struck at that place'.
Birmingham was already noted for spurious coinage, cf. Dryden's
prologue to The Spanish Friar (1681) :
What e'er base metal come
You coin as fast as groats at Bromingam.
A panegyric on the return of the Duke and Duchess of York from
Scotland says of Shaftesbury's medal that
'Twas coined by stealth, like groats at Birmingham.
For Birmingham = Whig we have Old Jemmy, an Excellent Neiv Ballad :
Let Whig and Bromingham repine,
They show their teeth in vain ;
The glory of the British line,
Old Jemmy's come again.
Also in Matthew Taubman's A Medley on the Plot, this stanza occurs :
Confound the hypocrites, Birminghams royal,
Who think allegiance a transgression;
Since to oppose the King is counted loyal,
And to rail high at the succession.
Dryden in his Preface to Absalom and Achitophel, I, speaks of 'an
Anti-Bromingham', i.e. a Tory,
p. 100 dry bobs. A bob was a sarcastic jest or jibe. cf. S/> Giles Goosecappe
480 NOTES
(1606), Act. v, i. 'Marry him, sweet Lady, to answere his bitter
Bob,' and Buckingham's The Rehearsal (1671), Act iii, i, where Bayes
cries : 'There's a bob for the Court.' A dry bob (literally=a blow or
fillip that does not break the skin) is an intensely bitter taunt,
cf. Cotgrave (1611), Ruade seiche, a drie bob, jeast or nip. Bailey (1731)
has 'Dry Bob. a Taunt or Scoff'.
p. 100 By Tea and Nay. 'Yea and Nay' was often derisively applied to the
Puritans, and hence to their lineal descendants the Whigs, in allusion
to the Scriptural injunction, S. Matthew v, 33-7, which they feigned
exactly to follow. Timothy Thin-beard, a rascally Puritan, in
Heywood's If you Know Not Me, Ton Know Nobody, Part II (410, 1 606),
is continually asseverating 'By yea and nay', cf. Fletcher's Monsieur
Thomas, Act ii, in, where Thomas says :
Do not ye see me alter'd ? 'Yea and Nay,' gentlemen ;
A much-converted man.
In Sir Patient Fancy (1678), Lady Knowell's late husband, a rank
Puritan, is said to have been 'a great Ay and No Man i'th' City, and
a painful promoter of the good Cause.'
p. 109 Twirs. -vide note (p. 319, Amorous Twire], Vol.11, p. 440, The
Feign'd Courtezans.
p. 1 1 3 gives Julia the Letter. Mrs. Behn took the hint for this device from
L'Ecoledes Marts, II, xiv, where Isabella feigning to embrace Sganarelle
gives her hand to Valere to kiss.
p. 116 Just-au-corps. 'A sort of jacket called a justac orps came into fashion
in Paris about 1650. M. Quicherat informs us that a pretty Parisienne,
the wife of a maitre de comptes named Belot, was the first who appeared
in it. In a ballad called The New-made Gentlewoman, written in the
reign of Charles II, occurs the line "My justice and black patches I
wear". Mr. Fairholt suggested that justico may be a corruption of
juste au corps. Planche's Cyclopaedia of Costume, Vol. I, p. 318. Pepys,
26 April, 1667, saw the Duchess of Newcastle 'naked-necked, without
any thing about it, and a black just-au-corps'. cf. Dryden'sLimberham ;
or, The Kind Keeper (1678), iv, i : l Aldo. Give her out the flower'd
Justacorps with the petticoat belonging to't."
p. 116 Towers. The tower at this time was a curled frontlet of false hair,
cf. Crowne's The Country Wit (1675), Act ii, n, where Lady Faddle
cries to her maid, 'run to my milliner's for my gloves and essences . . .
run for mynewtowre.' Shadv/gttrXfa Virtuoso (1676), Act iii, mentions
'Tires for the head, locks, tours, frouzes, and so forth '. The Debauchee
(1677), Act ii, i : Mrs. Saleware speaks of buying 'fine clothes, and
tours, and Points and knots.' The Younger Brother (1696), Act v, the
last scene, old Lady Youthly anxiously asks her maid, 'is not this Tour
too brown ?' During the reign of Mary II and particularly in the time
of Anne a Tower meant almost exclusively the high starched head-dress
in vogue at that period.
p. 116 beat the hoof . To go packing; to trudge off on foot. Die. Canting
Crew (1690), 'Hoof it or beat it on the Hoof to walk on foot.' Pad
the hoof is a yet commoner expression. These and similar slang are
still much used.
NOTES 481
p. 117 finical. According to the N.E.D. the use of finical as a verb is a
nonce word only found in this passage.
p. 1 19 lead Apes in Hell. To die an old maid. A very common expression.
It will be remembered that Beatrice had something to say on the
subject. Much Ado About Nothing Act ii, i.
p. 122 Docity. Gumption, c.f. note (p. 340), Vol. II, p. 441, The Feign'd
Curtezans.
p. 123 Don Del Phobos. The adventures of the Knight of the Sun and his
brother Rosiclair belong to the Amadis school of romance. They
were published in two volumes, folio, at Saragossa, 1580, under the
\\t\zEspejodeprincipeseca-ualleros; o, Ca-vallero del Febo. The first
part of this romance was translated into English by Margaret Tiler,
The Mirrour of Princely decdes and Knighthood (410, 1578), other por
tions appearing subsequently. The whole four parts, translated from
the original Spanish into French, appeared in eight volumes, and an
abridged version was made by the Marquis de Paulmy. The Amadis
cycle long remained immensely popular.
p. 129 Gad-bee in his Brain. As we now say ' a bee in his bonnet'. For
'Gad-bee' cf. Holland's Pliny (1601) I, 318 'The bigger kind of bees
. . . and this vermin is called Oestrus (i.e. the gad-bee or horse fly).'
cf. The Lucky Chance, ii, n: 'The Gad-Bee's in his Quonundrum' and
note on that passage infra. For the idea compare 'brize-stung'
(= crazed).
p. 142 Cockt. Set his hat jauntily. A very frequent phrase.
p. 146 Slashes. Bumpers. From the idea of vigour contained in 'slash*.
The word is extremely rare in this sense and perhaps only found here.
But cf. Scottish (Lothian) 'slash'=a great quantity of broth or any
other sorbile food.
p. 148 luhat the Devil made me a ship-board? cf. Gdronte's reiterated
complaint 'Que diable allait-il faire dans cette galere?' Les Fourberies
de Scapin (1671), ii, vn ; and the phrase in Cyrano de Bergerac's Le
Pedant Joui (1654) : ' Ha ! que diable, que diable aller faire en cette
galere? . . . Aller sans dessein dans une galere ! . . . Dans la galere
d'un Turc !' Act ii, iv. In France this phrase is proverbial.
p. 156 glout thy Eyes. Scowl ; frown. Glout (without 'thy Eyes') is very
common in this sense, cf. Note (p. 201), Vol. II, p. 433.
1 60 an Antick. A fantastic measure. This is a favourite word with
Mrs. Behn.
p. 165 Aquinius his Case. This is, I take it, some confused allusion to the
great Dominican Doctor, S. Thomas Aquinas, who was regarded as
being the supreme Master of scholasticism and casuistry. Casuistry
must be taken in its true and original' meaning the balancing and
deciding of individual cases.
p. 175 Bantring and Shamming. Banter = to chaff or make fun of, at this
time a new slang word. It is almost certain that the verb, which
came into use about 1670, was a full decade earlier than the noun.
In 1688 the substantive 'Banter' was up-to-date slang. For the verb
'vide D'Urfey's Madam Fickle (1676), Act v, i, where Zechiel cries to
his brother: 'Banter him, banter him, Toby. 'Tis a conceited old
III I I
482
NOTES
Scarab, and will yield us excellent sport go play upon him a little
exercise thy Wit.' cf. Swift, Apology (1710), Tale of a Tub: 'Where
wit hath any mixture of raillery, 'tis but calling it banter, and the
work is done. This polite word of theirs was first borrowed from the
bullies in Whitefriars, then fell among the footmen, and at last retired
to the pedants.'
For 'shamming' cf. Wycherley's The Plain Dealer (1674), iii, i,
where the Lawyer says to Manly : 'You . . . shammed me all night
long.' 'Shammed !' cries Manley, 'prithee what barbarous law-term
is that?' 'Shamming . . .' answers the lawyer, ''tis all our way of
wit, Sir.' And Freeman explains 'Shamming is telling you an insipid
dull lie with a dull face, which the sly wag the author only laughs at
himself; and making himself believe 'tis a good jest, puts the sham
only upon himself.'
p. 176 Dumfounding. A rude and rough form of practical joking. The
players 'dumfounded' each other with sudden blows stealthily dealt.
cf. Shadwell's The True Widow (1678), Act iv, i. Prig in the theatre
says : 'You shall see what tricks I'll play ; 'faith I love to be merry".
(Raps people on their backs, and twirls their hats, and then looks
demurely, as if he did not do it.) The pit, often a very pandemonium,
was the chief scene of this sport. Dryden, prologue to The Prophetess
(1690), speaks of the gallants in the theatre indulging freely in
That witty recreation, called dumfounding.
p. 176 stum'd Wine. To stum wine is to renew dead and insipid wine by
mixing new wine with it and so raising a fresh fermentation, cf. Slang
(still in common use) 'stumer', a generic term for anything worthless,
especially a worthless cheque.
p. 176 Grhons. A 'grison' is a servant employed on some private business
and so dressed in gray (gris) or a dark colour not to attract notice,
cf. Shadwell's The Volunteers (1693), Act ii, sc. i : ' Sir Nich. I keep
grisons, fellows out of livery, privately for nothing but to carry
answers.'
THE LUCKY CHANCE.
p. 183 Laurence, Lord Hyde. This celebrated statesman (1641-1711) was
second son of Edward Hyde, first Earl of Clarendon. The Dedication
must have been written in 1686 when, wavering between the Catholic
Faith and Protestantism, he was still high in favour with the King.
4 January, 1687, he was dismissed from court owing to his persistent
refusals to be received into the Church.
p. 183 The Abbot^ of Aubignac. Francois Hedelin, Abbe D'Aubignac, a
famous critic and champion of the theatre, was born at Paris,
4 August, 1604. Amongst his best known works are : Terence justife
(410, 1646, Paris), an attack on Menage; La Practique du theatre
(410, 1669, Paris) ; and Dissertations concernant le poeme dramatique en
forme de remarques sur les deux tragedies de M. Corneille, intitulees
Sophonisbe et Sertorious (i2mo, 1663, Paris). He died at Nemours,
27 July, 1676.
NOTES 483
p. 185 Dr. Davenant. Charles Davenant, LL.D. (1656-1714), eldest son
of Sir William Davenant. He sat for St. Ives, Cornwall, in the
first parliament of James II, and was appointed, along with the
Master of the Revels, to license plays.
p. 185 Sir Roger L' Estrange. The celebrated Tory journalist, pamphleteer
and censor was born in 1616. He had ever been a warm defender of
James II, and upon this monarch's accession was liberally rewarded.
21 May, 1.685, a warrant was issued directing him to enforce most
strictly the regulations concerning treasonable and seditious and
scandalous publications. After the Revolution he suffered imprison
ment. He died n December, 1704.
p. 185 Mr. Killigreiv. Charles Killigrew (1655-1725), Master of the
Revels, was son of Thomas Killigrew by his second wife Charlotte de
Hesse. He had been appointed Master of the Revels in 1 680, patentee
of Drury Lane Theatre in 1682. He was buried in the Savoy,
8 January, 1724-5.
p. 1 86 Mr. Leigh. Antony Leigh, the famous comedian, who created Sir
Feeble Fainwood. The scene referred to is Act iii, sc. n, where it
must be confessed that, in spite of her protestation, Mrs. Behn gives
the stage direction Sir Feeble 'throws open his Gown, they run all
away, he locks the Door.'
p. 1 86 Oedipus. Dryden and Lee's excellent tragedy was produced at
Dorset Garden in 1679. Betterton created Oedipus and his wife
Jocasta. It was extraordinarily popular, as, indeed, were all the plays
Mrs. Behn marshalls forth in this preface. The scene particularly
referred to is Act ii, i : 'Oedipus enters, walking asleep in his Shirt,
with a Dagger in his Right-Hand and a Taper in his Left.' A little
after 'Enter Jocasta, attended with Lights, in a Night-Gown.'
p. 1 86 City Politicks. This comedy by Crowne is a mordant satire upon the
Whigs. It was produced with great success at the Theatre Royal and
printed quarto 1683. A certain Florio feigns to be dying in order to
prevent the Podesta suspecting an intrigue between his wife, Rosaura,
'the Lady Mayoress', and so impotent an invalid. Artall is in love
with Lucinda, who is married to a toothless old lawyer, Bartoline.
Says Genest : 'The Podesta and Bartoline are as well cuckolded
as any Tory could wish.' cf. The conclusion of Act ii and the com
mencement of Act iii ; also the discovery of Florio and Rosaura in
Act v.
1 86 London Cuckolds. This immensely popular play, five merry side
splitting acts which kept the stage for a century, was produced in 1682
at Dorset Garden. Ravenscroft has no less than three cuckolds in his
Dramatis Personae : Doodle, Dashwell, and Wiseacre. The intrigues
and counter-intrigues are innumerable. At the end the cuckolds all
jeer one another.
p. 1 86 Sir Courtly Nice. This witty comedy, Crowne's masterpiece, was
produced at the Theatre Royal in 1685. Mrs. Behn's allusion is to
Act ii, n, where Crack, disguised as a tailor, visits Leonora. The lan
guage is often cleverly suggestive.
p. 1 86 Sir Fopling. Etheredge's third comedy, The Man of Mode ; or, Sir
484 NOTES
Fopling Flutter, was produced at the Duke's Theatre in 1676. It met
'with extraordinary success'. Mrs. Behn points at Act iv, n.
p. 1 86 Valentinian. The reference is to the Earl of Rochester's Valentinian,
altered from Fletcher, which was produced with great applause at the
Theatre Royal in 1684. The Court Bawds, Balbus, Proculus, Chylax,
Lycinius, with the 'lewd women belonging to the court', Ardelia and
Phorba, are important characters in the tragedy. The direct allusion
is, perhaps, to Act ii, i. The scene after the rape, Act iv, sc. in, 'opens,
discovers th' Emperor's Chamber. Lucina newly unbound by th"
Emperor'. The 'Prologue spoken by Mrs. Cook the first day' is by
Mrs. Behn (-vide Vol. VI). It is certain that an audience which found
no offence in Rochester's Valentinian could ill have taken umbrage at
the freedoms of The Lucky Chance.
p. 186 The Moor of Venice. Othello was one of the first plays to be revived
at the Restoration, and was, perhaps, the most frequently seen of all
Shakespeare. On n October, 1660, Burt acted Othello at the Cockpit.
Downes gives Mohun as lago ; Hart, Cassio ; Cartwright, Brabantio j
Beeston, Roderigo ; Mrs. Hughes, Desdemona ; Mrs. Rutter, Emilia.
But it is certain Clun had also acted lago (Pepys, 6 February, 1668).
Hart soon gave up Cassio to Kynaston for the title role in which he is
said to have excelled. After his retirement in 1683 it fell to Betterton,
of whose greatness in the part Gibber gives a lively picture. The Tatler
also highly commends this actor's Othello.
p. 1 86 The Maids Tragedy. Mrs. Behn refers to Act ii, I, and Act iii, i.
Hart acted Amintor; Mohun, Melantius; Wintershall, the King;
Mrs. Marshall, Evadne. Rymer particularly praises Hart and Mohun
in this tragedy, saying : 'There we have our Roscius and Aesopus both
on the stage together.' After 1683 it was differently cast. It will be
remembered that Melantius was Betterton's last role, in which he
appeared for his benefit 13 April, 1710, to the Amintor of Wilks and
the Evadne of Mrs. Barry. He died z8 April, a fortnight after.
p. 187 Wills Coffee House. This famous coffee-house was No. i Bow Street,
Covent Garden, on the west side corner of Russell Street. It derived
its name from Will Unwin who kept it. The wits' room was upstairs
on the first floor. Some of its reputation was due to the fact that it
was a favourite resort of Dryden.
p. 187 -write for a Third day only. The whole profits of the third day's
performance went to the author of the play ; and upon these occasions
his friends and patrons would naturally rally to support him. There
are numberless allusions to this custom, especially in Prefaces, Pro
logues and Epilogues.
p. 189 the Mall. The Mall, St. James's Park, was formed for Charles II,
who was very fond of the game 'pall-mall'. The walk soon became
a popular and fashionable resort. There are innumerable references,
cf. Prologue, Dryden's Marriage a la Mode (1672) :
Poor pensive punk now peeps ere plays begin,
Sees the bare bench, and dares not venture in ;
But manages her last half-crown with care,
And trudges to the Mall, on foot, for air.
NOTES 485
The scene of the first Act of Otway's The Soldier's Fortune (1681) is
laid in the Mall, and gives a vivid picture of the motley and not over
respectable company that was wont to foregather there.
p. 189 the Ring. The Ring, Hyde Park, a favourite ride and promenade was
made in the reign of Charles I. It was very fashionable, and is fre
quently alluded to in poem and play. cf. Etheredge, The Man of Mode ,
or, Sir Fopling Flutter : 'Sir Fopling. All the world will be in the Park
to-night ; Ladies, 'twere pity to keep so much beauty longer within
doors, and rob the Ring of all those charms that should adorn it.'
Act iii, sc. 11. cf. also Lord Dorset's Verses on Dorinda (1680) :
Wilt thou still sparkle in the Box,
Still ogle in the Ring?
p. 193 Starter. This slang word usually means a milksop, but here it is
equivalent to 'a butterfly', 'a weathercock' a man of changeable
disposition. A rare use.
p. 193 Finsbury Hero. Finsbury Fields, which Pepys thought 'very pleasant',
had been kept open for the citizens to practise archery. An ordinance
of 1478 is extant which orders all obstacles to be removed and Fins-
bury to be 'made a plain field for archers to shoot in'. As late as
1737 there were standing twenty-four 'rovers' or stone pillars for
shooting at distances.
p. 196 Mr. Barnardine. This allusion must almost certainly be to a recent
revival of Measure for Measure, which particular play had been amongst
those set aside by the regulation of 12 December, 1660, as the special
property of Davenant's theatre. After the amalgamation of the two
companies in November, 1682, a large number of the older plays were
revived or continued to be played (with a new cast and Betterton in
the roles which had been Hart's) during the subsequent decade.
Downes mentions Othello, The Taming of the Shrew, and several by
Beaumont and Fletcher, Ben Jonson, and Brome. On the other hand,
it is possible this reference may merely be to The Law Against Lovers
(1661, folio, 1673), in which Sir William Davenant has mixed
Benedick and Beatrice with Angelo, Claudio, Isabella and the rest.
It is a curious conglomeration, and the result is very pitiful and
disastrous. Bernardine and the prison scenes are retained. Measure
for Measure v/as again profanely altered by Gildon in 1700, mutilated
and helped out by 'entertainments of music'.
p. 197 Snicker Snee. See note Vol. I, p. 449, Snick-a-Snee. The Dutch
Lover, iii, in (p. 278).
p. 198 Spittal Sermon. The celebrated Spital Sermons were originally
preached at a pulpit cross in the churchyard (now Spital Square) of the
Priory and Hospital of St. Mary Spital, founded 1197. The cross,
broken at the Reformation, was rebuilt during Charles I's reign, but
destroyed during the Great Rebellion. The sermons, however, have
been continued to the present time and are still preached every Easter
Monday and Easter Tuesday before the Lord Mayor and Aldermen,
at Christ Church, Newgate Street.
p, 201. Alsatia. This cant name had been given to the precinct of
Whitefriars before 1623, then and for many years a notorious refuge
486 NOTES
for persons wishing to avoid bailiffs and creditors. The earliest use of
the name is Thomas Powel's quarto tract, Wheresoever you see mee,
Trust unto Tourselfe: or (he Mysterie of Lending and Borrowing (1623).
The second use in point of time is the Prologue to Settle's Pastor
Fido (1676):
And when poor Duns, quite weary, will not stay;
The hopeless Squire's into Ahatia driven.
Otway's comedy, The Soldier's Fortune (410, 1681), where Courtine
says : 'I shall be ere long as greasy as an Alsatian bully,' comes third ;
and Mrs. Behn's reference to Alsatia in this play, which is often
ignored, claims fourth place. We then have Shadwell's famous
^comedy, The Squire of Alsatia (1688), with its well-known vocabulary
of Alsatian jargon and slang, its scenes in Whitefriars, the locus
classicus, a veritable mine of information. The particular portions of
Whitefriars forming Alsatia were Ram-Alley, Mitre Court, and a
lane called in the local cant Lombard Street. No. 50 of Tempest's
sCries of London (drawn and published in James II's reign) is called 'A
Squire of Alsatia', and represents a fashionable young gallant. Steele,
Tatler (No. 66), 10 September, 1709, speaks of Alsatia 'now in ruins'.
It is interesting to note that many authorities, ignoring Settle and
Mrs. Behn's allusions, quote Powel and Otway as the only two places
where the word 'Alsatia' is found before Shadwellmade it so popular.
p. 202 Dornex. Or dornick, a worsted or woollen fabric used for curtains,
hangings and the like, so called from Tournai, where chiefly manu
factured, cf. Shadwell's The Miser (1672), Act i, i : 'a dornock carpet'.
Also Wit and Drollery (1681): Penelope to Ulysses:
The Stools of Dornix which that you may know well
Are certain stuffs Upholsterers use to sell.
p. 202 Henry the Eighth. Henry Vlll had been put on by Davenant in
December, 1663 with a wealth of pomp and expenditure that became
long proverbial in the theatrical world. An extra large number of
supers were engaged. Downes dilates at quite unusual length upon the
magnificence of the new scenery and costumes. The court scene was
especially crowded with 'the Lords, the Cardinals, the Bishops, the
Doctors, Proctors, Lawyers, Tip-staves.' On New Year's Day, 1664,
Pepys went to the Duke's house and saw 'the so much cried up play
of Henry VIII ; which tho' I went with resolution to like it, is so
simple a thing, made up of a great many patches, that, besides the
shows and processions in it, there is nothing in the world good or well
done.' On 30 December, 1668, however, he saw it again, 'and was
mightily pleased, better than ever I expected, with the history and
shows of it.' In The Rehearsal (1671), Act v, i, Bayes says : Tl shew
you the greatest scene that ever England saw : I mean not for words,
for those I do not value ; but for state, shew, and magnificence. In
fine I'll justifie it to be as grand to the eye every whit, I gad, as that
great Scene in Harry the Eight.'
p. 203 Joan Sanderson. See note Vol. I, p. 456 : Joan Sanderson. The Round-
beads, Act iv, iv (p. 402).
NOTES 487
p. 204 Haunce in Kelder. Literally Jack-in-the- Cellar, i.e. the unborn babe
in the womb. cf. Davenant and Dryden's alteration of The Tempest,
Act iv, sc. it. ' Stephana. I long to have a Rowse to her Grace's Health,
and to the Haunse in Kelder, or rather Haddock in Kelder, for I guess
it will be half Fish' ; and also Dryden's Amboyna (1673), Act iv, sc. i,
where Harman senior remarks at Towerson and Ysabinda's wedding:
'You Englishmen . . . cannot stay for ceremonies ; a good honest
Dutchman would have been plying the glass all this while, and drunk
to the hopes of Hans in Kelder till 'twas bedtime.'
p. 204 an Apple John, An apple John is usually explained as being a kind
of apple said to keep two years and to be in perfection when shrivelled
and withered, cf. 2 Henry IV, ii, iv, and the context. If the allusion
here is to such a kind of apple Sir Feeble's phrase is singularly inept,
as may perhaps be intended to be the case.
p. 204 St. Martin's Trumpery. The parish of St. Martin-le-Grand was
formerly celebrated for the number of shops vending cheap and imita
tion jewellery within its purlieus. 'St. Martin's ware ' came to mean
a forgery.
p. 205 nick their Inclinations. To nick=to thwart. A somewhat uncommon
use. Generally, to nick (slang), means 'to arrest', 'to waylay and stop'.
p. 207 the 'wonderful Salamanca Doctor 1 , cf. Notes, Vol. II, p. 433. silken
Doctor. The City Heiress. Prologue (p. 202) ; and Vol. II, p. 437.
Salamanca. The City Heiress, v, v (p. 297).
p. 208 the Tivire. cf. Note, Vol. II, p. 440. Amorous Ttvire. The Feign' J
Curtezans, i, n (p. 319).
p. 210 gulling. Guzzling, cf. supra, p. 479.
p. 210 Docity. cf. Note, Vol. II, p. 441. Docity. The Feign' d Curtezans.
>>> i (P- 34)-
p. 210 laid in Lavender. An old and common phrase for 'to pawn', cf.
Florio, Worlds of Wordes (1593): 'To lay to pawne, as we say, to lay
in Lavender.' Ben Jonson, Every Man out of his Humour, Actiii, sc. in :
'And a black sattin suit of his own to go before her in ; which suit
(for the more sweet'ning) now lies in Lavender.'
p. 210 Enter Rag and Landlady. Mrs. Behn remembered how Don John
treated Dame Gillian, his landlady. The Chances, i, ix.
p. 21 1 Judas, cf. Note, Vol. I, p. 457. The Roundheads, v, n (p. 41 3).
p. 211 Jlabber. Fat; puffed out. A very rare adjective, perhaps only here.
The N.E.D. quotes this passage with a reference to the adjective
<flaberkin' = puffed out, puffy, and a suggestion that it is akin to the
substantive 'flab' = something thick, broad, fat.
p. 212 this old Sir Guy of Wariuick. Sir Guy of Warwick is an old slang
name for a sword ; a rapier. The name is taken from the romance
(of which there were many versions) and which proved extraordinarily
popular. It was first licensed 'in prose by Martyn Parker' to Oulton,
24 November, 1640. Smithson's version was first printed in black
letter, and a second edition appeared in 1686. John Shurley's version
was published 410, 1681 and again 1685. Esdaile, English Tales and
Romances, enumerates sixteen versions, editions and abridgements,
concluding with 'The Seventh Edition' I2mo, 1733.
488 NOTES
p. 214 Enter Bredivel. Lady Fulbank supplying Cayman with money
through the medium of Bredwel 'drest like a Devil' is reminiscent of
incidents in Dryden's first comedy, The Wild Gallant(i66-$, and revised
version, 1667; 4-to, 1667), where Lady Constance employs Setstone, a
jeweller, to accomodate Loveby with ready cash. Loveby is benefited
to the tune of two hundred and fifty pounds, which are filched from
the study of old Lord Nonsuch, who complains in much the same way
as Sir Cautious. Loveby declares it must be the devil who has enriched
him, and forthwith rescues his 'Suit with the Gold Lace at Sleeves
from Tribulation.' Owing to his poverty he has been unable to visit
Constance, and when he appears before her in his gay clothes he excuses
his fortnight's absence by saying, I have been 'out of Town to see a
little thing that's fallen to me upon the Death of a Grandmother.'
In Act i of The Wild Gallant Loveby gives Bibber a humorous descrip
tion of a garret, which may be paralleled with Bredwel's 'lewd' picture
of Cayman's chamber The Lucky Chance, Act i, n. It must be allowed
that Mrs. Behn bears away the palm in this witty passage. The Wild
Gallant is, by Dryden's own confession (cf. the First Prologue), founded
on a Spanish plot. In the Preface he says : ' The Plot was not Originally
my own : But so alter'd by me, (whether for better or worse, I know
not) that, whoever the Author was, he could not have challeng'd a
Scene of it.' So vast, indeed, is the library of the Spanish Theatre
that it has not as yet been identified, a task which in view of the
author's own statement may well be deemed nigh impossible. Recent
critics have pertinently suggested that the device of furnishing Loveby
with money was the chief hint for which Dryden is indebted to Spain.
The conduct of the amour between Lady Fulbank and Gayman,
founded as it is on Shirley's The Lady of Pleasure, has nothing in
common with Otway's intrigue between Beaugard and Portia The
Atheist (1683) which owes itself to Scarron's novel, The In-visible
Mistress,
p. 222 the Gad-Bee's in his Quonundrum. Gad-Bee, vide supra, The False Count,
Actii, ii (p. 129), note, p. 481. Quonundrum or Conundrum. A whim ;
crotchet; maggot; conceit. The N.E.D. quotes this passage, cf.
Jonson's Folpone, Act v, sc. n : 'I must ha' my crotchets ! And my
conundrums !' Die. Cant. Crew (1700) has : 'Conundrums. Whimms,
Maggots and such like.'
p. 222 jiggiting. To jigget=to jig, hop or skip ; to jump about, and to
fidget, cf. T. Barker, The Female Tatler (1709), No. 15 : 'She has a
languishing Eye, a delicious soft Hand, and two pretty jiggetting Feet.'
cf. to giggit. Note, Vol. II, p. 436. fsking and g'ggiting. The City
Heiress, ii, n (p. 262).
p. 223 -we'll toss the Stocking. This merry old matrimonial custom in use
at the bedding of the happy pair is often alluded to. cf. Pepys, 8 Feb
ruary, 1663 : 'Another story was how Lady Castlemaine, a few days
since, had Mrs. Stewart to an entertainment, and at night begun a
frolique that they two must be married ; and married they were, with
ring and all other ceremonies of church service, and ribbands, and a
sack posset in bed and flinging the stocking ; but in the close it is said
NOTES 489
my Lady Castlemaine, who was the bridegroom, rose, and the King
come and take her place.'
p. 224 the Entry. In the Restoration theatre it was the usual practice for
the curtain to rise at the commencement and fall at the end of the
play, so that the close of each intermediate act was only marked by
a clear stage. There are, however, exceptions to this rule, more
particularly when some elaborate set or Tableau began a new act. A
striking example is Act ii, The Forc'd Marriage.
p. 224 Mr. Cheek. Thomas Cheek was a well-known wit and song writer
of the day. His name not infrequently occurs to the graceful lyrics
with which he supplied the theatre. There are some pretty lines of
his, 'Corinna, I excuse thy face', in Act v of Southerne's The Wives
Excuse ; or, Cuckolds make Themselves (1692) ; and a still better song,
'Bright Cynthia's pow'r divinely great,' which was sung by Leveridge
in the second act of Southerne's Oroonoko (1699), came from his
prolific pen.
p. 225 Bandstrings. Strings for fastening his bands or collar which were in
the seventeenth century frequently ornamented with tassels, cf. Selden,
Table-Talk (1689): 'If a man twirls his Bandstrings' ; and Wood,
Ath. Oxon. (1691): 'He [wore] snakebone bandstrings (or bandstrings
with huge tassels).'
p. 225 yare. Eager; ready; prepared from A.-S. gearo. cf. Measure for
Measure, iv, 11 : 'You shall find me yare'; and The Tempest, i, i :
'Cheerly, my hearts ! yare, yare !'; also Act v, sc. i: 'Our ship . . .
is tight and yare.' Also Antony and Cleopatra, v, n : 'yare, yare, good
Iras; quick.' Ray gives it as a Suffolk word, and the 'hear, hear' of
Lowestoft boatmen of to-day is probably a disguised 'yare, yare'.
p. 226 Livery and Seisin. A very common error for the legal term 'livery
of seisin' which signifies the delivery of property into the corporal
possession of a person.
p. 231 Song. Oh! Love. Mr. Bullen, who includes this 'impassioned song'
in his Musa Proterva : Love-Poems of the Restoration (1889), has the
following note : 'Did Mrs. Behn write these fine verses? . . . Henry
Playford, a well-known publisher of music, issued in the same year
[1687] the Fourth Book of The Theatre of Music, where "O Love,
that stronger art" appeared with the heading "The Song in Madam
Bhen's last New Play, sung by Mr. Bowman, set by Dr. John Blow."
At the end of the song Playford adds, "These words by Mr. Ousley."
. . . Mrs. Behn usually acknowledged her obligations ; but she may
have been neglectful on the present occasion. Ousley's claim cannot
be lightly set aside.' There is nothing to add to this, and we can only
say that Aphra Behn had such true lyric genius that 'Oh ! Love that
stronger art' is in no way beyond her. A statement which neither
disposes of nor invalidates Ousley's claim based, as this is, upon such
strong and definite evidence.
John Bowman (or Boman) who acted Bredwel had 'as a boy'
joined the Duke's Company about 1673. He was, says Gibber, in the
days of Charles II 'a Youth fam'd for his Voice', and he often sang
before the King, no indifferent judge of music. Bowman's name
III K K
490 NOTES
appears as Peter Santlow in The Counterfeit Bridegroom; or, the
Defeated Widow (1677). He soon became an actor of considerable
merit, and created Tattle in Love for Love (1695). He is said to have
remained on the stage for the extraordinary period of sixty-five years,
and to have played within a few months of his death. Davies speaks
highly of his acting, even in extreme old age. Oldys (MS. note on
Langbaine) refers to him as 'old Mr. John Bowman'. Gibber, in his
Apology (1740), speaks of 'Boman the late Actor of venerable Memory'.
p. 234 half Pike. * Now Hist. A small pike having a shaft of one half the
length of the full-sized one. There were two kinds ; one, also called a
spontoon, formerly carried by infantry officers ; the other, used on ships
for repelling boarders, a boarding-pike,' N.E.D. which quotes (inter
alia) Massinger, &c., Old La-w (410, 1656), Act iii, 11 : 'Here's a half-
pike' ; and Froger, Voyages (1698): 'Their ordinary Arms are the
Hanger, the Sagary (assagai), which is a very light Half-Pike.'
p. 245 Geometry. A colloquial term for magic.
p. 247 a Sirrei/erence under your Girdle. 'To have an M under (or by) the
Girdle' was a proverbial expression= to have a courteous address by
using the titles Mr., Mrs., Miss, &c. cf. Halliwell, Dictionary Archaic
and Proverbial Words : 'M. ... to keep the term "Master" out of
sight, to be wanting in proper respect.' cf. East-ward Hoe (1605),
Jonson, Chapman, and Marston, iv, i: 'You might carry an M under
your Girdle" ; and not infrequently. Sir- (or Save-) Reverence is an
old and very common colloquialism. It was the most usual form of
apology when mentioning anything likely to offend, or naming a word
for which excuse was thought proper or necessary. Wherefore it
came to stand in place of various words of obscene sound or meaning.
There are innumerable instances from Mandeville (i 356), down to
recent times, and even Devonshire dialect to-day.
p. 248 the George in White-Fryers. The George tavern was situated in
Dogwell Court, and some little time after the abolition of the vicious
privileges of Alsatia by the Act 8 and 9 William III, c. 27 (1697),
it was converted into the printing office of William Bowyer, the elder.
These premises were destroyed by fire, 30 January, 1713. Scene n,
Act i of Shadwell's The Squire of Ahatia (1688), is laid 'at the George
in Whitefriars'.
p. 249 he cullies. To cully=to cheat; trick. Although the verb, which
came into use circa 1670, and persisted for a full century, is rare, the
substantive 'a cully' (=a fool) is very common. For the verb, cf.
Pomfret, Poems (1699), Divine Attributes : 'Tricks to cully fools.'
p. 249 be fads. The substantive 'pad'=a path or highway. Bailey
(1730-6) has 'to Pad ... to rob on the road on foot.' cf. Ford's
The Lady's Trial (1639), v, i: 'One can . . . pick a pocket, Pad for a
cloak or hat ' ; and also Cotton Mather's Discourse on Witchcraft (i 689),
chap, vii: 'As if you or I should say : We never met with any robbers
on the road, therefore there never was any Padding there.'
p. 250 sport a Dye. To play at dice. 'To sport', generic for 'to parade' or
'display' was, and is a very common phrase. It is especially found in
public school and university slang. This is a very early example.
NOTES 491
p. 250 Teaster. i.e. a tester = sixpence, cf. Farquhar's Love and a Bo/tie,
(1698), i, i, where Brush says: 'Who throws away a Tester and a
mistress loses sixpence."
p. 251 to top upon him. To cheat him ; to trick him ; especially to cheat
with dice. cf. Dictionary of the Canting Cretv (by B.E. gent., 1696) :
'Top. What do you Top upon me? c. do you stick a little Wax to
the Dice to keep them together, to get the Chance, you wou'd have ?
He thought to have Topt upon me. c. he design'd to have Put upon
me, Sharpt me, Bullied me, or Affronted me.'
p. 251 ive are not half in kelter. Kelter (or kilter) = order ; condition;
spirits, cf. Barrow, Sermons,!, Ser. 6 : 'If the organs of prayer are out
of Kelter, or out of time, how can we pray?' Dictionary Canting Crew
(1690), has : 'Out of Kelter, out of sorts." The phrase is by no means
rare.
p. 251 as Trincolo says. Lady Fulbank mistakes. The remark is made by
Stephano, not Trincalo. Dryden and Davenant's The Tempest (1667),
Act ii, i : 'fentoso. My wife's a good old jade . . .
. . . Stephana. Would you were both hanged, for putting me in thought
of mine !'
p. 252 Ladies of Quality in the Middle (Gallery. The jest lies in the fact that
the middle gallery or eighteenpenny place in a Restoration theatre
was greatly frequented by, if not almost entirely set aside for, women
of the town. cf. Dryden's Epilogue on the Union (1682) :
But stay; me thinks some Vizard-Mask I see
Cast out her Lure from the mid Gallery :
About her all the fluttering Sparks are rang'd ;
The Noise continues, though the Scene is chang'd :
Now growling, sputt'ring, wauling, such a clutter !
"Tis just like Puss defendant in a Gutter.
And again, in his Prologue to Southerne's The Disappointment (1684),
he has :
Last there are some, who take their first degrees
Of lewdness in our middle galleries :
The doughty bullies enter bloody drunk,
Invade and grabble one another's punk,
p. 257 Hortensius. Cato Uticensis is said in 56 B.C. to have ceded his wife
Marcia to Q. Hortensius, and at the death of Hortensius in 50 B.C.
to have taken her back again Plutarch, Cato Min., 25.
p. 258 he has a Fly. A fly = a familiar. From the common old belief that
an attendant demon waited on warlocks and witches in the shape of a
fly, or some similar insect, cf. Jonson's The Alchemist, I (1610) :
You are mistaken, doctor,
Why he does ask one but for cups and horses,
A rifling fly, none of your great familiars.
Also Massinger's The Virgin Martyr, ii, 11 :
Courtiers have flies
That buzz all news unto them.
p. 271 Snoiv-hill. The old Snow Hill, a very narrow and steep highway
between Holborn Bridge and Newgate, was cleared away when Holborn
492 NOTES
Viaduct was made in 1867. In the days of Charles II it was famous
for its chapmen, vendors of ballads with rough woodcuts atop. Dorset,
lampooning Edward Howard, has the following lines :
Whence
Does all this mighty mass of dullness spring,
Which in such loads thou to the stage dost bring?
Is't all thine own ? Or hast thou from Snow Hill
The assistance of some ballad-making quill?
p. 271 Cuckolds Haven. This was the name given to a well-known point
in the Thames. It is depicted by Hogarth, Industry and Idleness, No. 6.
Nahum Tate has a farce, borrowed from Eastward Hoe and The Devil's
an Ass, entitled Cuckold's Haven ; or, An Alderman no Conjuror (1685).
p. 278 Nice and Flutter. The two typical Fops of the day. Sir Courtly
Nice, created by Mountford, is the hero of Crowne's excellent comedy,
Sir Courtly Nice (1685). In Act V he sings a little song he has made
on his Mistress : 'As I gaz'd unaware, On a face so fair .' Sir Fopling
Flutter is the hero of Etheredge's masterpiece, The Man of Mode ; or,
Sir Fopling Flutter (1676). Sir Fopling, a portrait of Beau Hewitt,
became proverbial. The role was created by Smith.
p. 278 sbatterhead. A rare word for shatter- (scatter) brained, cf. The
Countess of Winchilsea, Miscellany Poems (1713), 'Pri'thee shatter-
headed Fop'.
p. 278 Craffey, Craffy is the foolish son of the Podesta in Crowne's City
Politicks (i 68 3). He is described as ' an impudent, amorous, pragmatical
fop, that pretends to wit and poetry.' He is engaged in writing
Husbai an answer to Absalom and Acbitopbel.
p. 278 -whiffling. Fickle; unsteady; uncertain. To whiffle = to hesitate ;
waver; prevaricate, cf. Tillotson, Sermons, x\v (1671-94) : 'Everyman
ought to be stedfast . . . and not suffer himself to be whiffled . . .
by an insignificant noise.' 1724 mistakenly reads 'whistling' in this
passage.
p. 279 Bulkers. Whores, cf. Shadwell, Amorous Widow (1690), Act iii :
'Her mother sells fish and she is little better than a bulker.' A bulker
was the lowest class of prostitute, cf. Shadwell's The Scowerers,
Act i, i: 'Everyone in a petticoat is thy mistress, from humble
bulker to haughty countess.' Bailey (1790) has : 'Bulker, one that
would lie down on a bulk to any one. A common Jilt. A whore.'
Swift, A Tale of a Tub, Section II, has : 'They went to new plays on
the first night, haunted the chocolate houses, beat the watch, lay on
bulks.'
p. 279 Tubs. A patient suffering from the lues venerea was disciplined by
long and severe sweating in a heated tub, which combined with strict
abstinence was formerly considered an excellent remedy for the disease,
cf. Measure for Measure, Act iii, sc. n : 'Troth, sir, she has eaten up
all her beef, and she is herself in the tub.' Also Timon of Athens, iv, in :
'Be a whore still' . . .
p. 279 Jack Ketch, cf. Diet. Canting Crew (by B. E. Gent, 1690): 'Jack
Kitch. The Hangman of that Name, but now all his Successors.'
He exercised his office circa 1663-87. It was Ketch who bungled the
NOTES 493
execution of Monmouth. There are innumerable contemporary
references to him. cf. Dryden's Epilogue to The Dukeof Guise (1682) :
'Jack Ketch', says I, ''s an excellent physician.'
THE FORC'D MARRIAGE.
p. z86 The Nursery, vide note, little Mrs. Ariell, Vol. II, p. 430-1.
p. 287 King. Mr. ffestwood. It has been quite mistakenly suggested that
Westwood was Otway's theatrical name. Westwood was a professional
actor of mediocre though useful attainments. He is cast for such roles
as Tom Faithfull in Revel's The Town Shifts (April, 1671); Eumenes
in Edward Howard's The Woman's Conquest (1671); and Battista in
Crowne's Juliana (1671).
p. 300 umuit. A rare form of 'unsuitable'.
p. 304 devoir. Endeavour ; effort. This passage is quoted in the N. E. D.
p. 305 The Representation of the Wedding. This curious tableau is a striking
example of the Elizabethan 'Dumb Show' lingering on to Restoration
days. Somewhat similar, though by no means such complete, examples
may be seen in Orrery's Henry the Fifth (1664), at the commencement
of Act iv, and again in the same author's The Black Prince (19 October,
1667), Act ii. It must be confessed that Mrs. Behn has made an
excellent use of this technical contrivance. In the Restoration theatre
it was the usual practice for the curtain to rise at the beginning and
fall at the end of the play, so that the close of each intermediate act
was only shown by a clear stage. Although I have marked Act ii,
sc. i of The Forc'd Marriage 'The Palace', I have little doubt that as
the drama was staged Smith and Mrs. Jennings advanced and the
curtain fell behind them hiding the rest of the characters, only to rise
again upon Scene n, 'The Court Gallery'. Philander and Galatea
played upon the apron stage. If they, however, maintained their
places in the tableau, they would have immediately after entered on
to the apron, before the curtain, by way of the proscenium doors. In
any case Scene i must have been acted well forward.
p. 312 rencounter. Meet.
p. 322 Phi. Who's there. The Duke of Buckingham, in The Rehearsal
(1671), Actus ii, scaena v, has a fray burlesquing this passage.
p. 325 Phi. Villain, thou ly'st. cf. The Rehearsal, Actus v, scaena i :
'Lieutenant-General. Villain, thou lyest.'
p. 330 Campania. The operations of an army in the field during a season,
cf. Edmund Everard's Discourses on the Present State of the Protestant
Princes of Europe (1679): 'Since the last campania the three . . .
have entred into the entanglement of a War.'
p. 331 Pattacoon. A Spanish dollar value 41. %d. ; vide supra, Vol. I, The
Rover (I), ii, i (p. 36) and note on that passage, p. 442.
p. 347 in a dishabit. This word is excessively rare, if this be not the unique
example. The N.E.D. fails to include it. Dishabille had been intro
duced from France in the reign of Charles II, and (in its various forms)
became exceedingly popular. It is noticeable that all other editions,
save the first quarto (1671), in this passage read 'in an undress'.
494 NOTES
p. 352 or smothers her with a pillo-w. This is only in the first quarto.
Here in particular, and throughout the whole scene, Mrs. Behn's
reminiscences of Othello are very patent.
p. 358 Enter Erminia veil'd. In Sir William Barclay's The Lost Lady
(folio 1639), a good, if intricate, tragi-comedy, which was received
with applause after the Restoration, 1 and not forgotten by Buckingham
when he penned The Rehearsal, Milesia (supposed dead), the wife of
Lysicles, appears to her husband as a ghost Act v, sc. i. It is very
possible that Mrs. Behn hence took her hint for the phantom of the
living Erminia. It is noticeable that generations after Tobin borrowed
not a few incidents from The Lost Lady for The Curfe-w, produced at
Drury Lane, 19 February, 1807, a posthumous play. In Lodowick
Carlell's The Fool Would be a Fa-vourite , or, The Discreet Lover (izmo,
1657), we have Philantus confronting Lucinda as his own ghost
(Actus Quintus).
p. 358 Tiffany. A kind of thin silk gauze, cf. Philemon Holland's Plinie,
Bk. XI, ch. xxii : 'The invention of that fine silke, tiffanie, sarcenet,
and cypres, which instead of apparell to cover and hide, shew women
naked through them.' All subsequent editions to 410 1671, read
'taffety' in this passage.
THE EMPEROR OF THE MOON.
p. 390 Lord Marquess of Worcester. Charles, Marquis of Worcester (1661-
1698), father of Henry Somerset, second Duke of Beaufort, was the
second son 2 of Henry Somerset, first Duke of Beaufort (1629-1700),
by Mary, eldest daughter of Arthur, first Lord Capel. The first Duke of
Beaufort, the staunchest of Tories,'was high in favour with Charles I,
Charles II, and James II. Charles, the son and heir, was killed through
an accident to his coach in Wales, July, 1698, and the shock is said to
have hastened the old Duke's end.
p. 391 acted in France eighty odd times. The original scenes were produced
by the Italian comedians at the Hotel de Bourgogne, 5 March, 1684.
Their popularity did not wane for many a decade. In the fifth edition
(1721) of Gherardi's Theatre Italien there are far fuller excerpts from
the farce than in the first edition (1695).
p. 392 -who now cannot supply one. The Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. If
Mrs. Behn's complaint about the public is true, James II was, none
the less, himself a good friend to the stage, and many excellent plays
were produced during his reign. There is, however, considerable evi
dence that at this period of strife religious and political, rebellion
and revolt things theatrical were very badly affected, and the play
house poorly attended.
p. 393 No Woman without Wizard. cf.Cibber in his^/>o/og>>(i74o), ch.viii :
'I remember the ladies were then observed to be decently afraid of
1 Pepys saw it 19 January, 1661, and again, rather more than a week later,
on the 28th of the same month.
* Henry, his elder brother, died young.
NOTES 495
venturing bare-faced to a new comedy, till they had been assured they
might do it, without the risk of an insult to their modesty : or, if their
curiosity were too strong for their patience, they took care, at least,
to save appearances, and rarely came upon the first days of acting but
in masks (then daily worn, and admitted in the pit, the side-boxes,
and gallery) which custom, however, had so many ill consequences
attending it, that it has been abolished these many years.'
p. 394 Sice. Six. The number six at dice.
p. 394 it sings Sa-wny. Saunie's Neglect. This popular old Scotch song is to
be found, with a tune, on p. 317, Vol. I, D'Urfey's Wit and Mirth;
or, Pills to Purge Melancholy (1719). It had previously been given in
Wit and Drollery (1681). It commences^hus :
Sawney was tall and of noble race
And lov'd me better than any eane
But now he ligs by another lass
And Sawney will ne'er be my true love agen.
Ravenscroft, in The London Cuckolds (1682), Act iii, introduces a link-
boy singing this verse as he passes down the street.
p. 394 There 's nothing lasting but the Puppets Sbovu. About this time there
was a famous Puppet Show in Salisbury Change which was so fre
quented that the actors were reduced to petition against it. cf. The
Epilogue (spoken by Jevon) to Mountfort's The Injured Lo-vers (1688),
where the actor tells the audience they must be kind to the poet :
Else to stand by him, every man has swore.
To Salisbury Court we'll hurry you next week
Where not for whores, but coaches you may seek ;
And more to plague you, there shall be no Play,
But the Emperor of the Moon for every day.
Philander and Irene are the conventional names of lovers in the
novels and puppet plays which were fashionable. It is interesting to
note that less than a century after this prologue was first spoken, The
Emperor of the Moon was itself being played at the puppet show in
Exeter Change.
p. 395 Doctor Baliardo. The Doctor was one of the leading masks,
stock characters, in Italian impromptu comedy. Doctor Graziano, or
Baloardo Grazian, is a pedant, a philosopher, grammarian, rhetorician,
astronomer, cabalist, a savant of the first water, boasting of his degree
from Bologna, trailing the gown of that august university. Pompous
in phrase and person, his speech is crammed with lawyer's jargon and
quibbles, with distorted Latin and ridiculous metaphors. He is dressed
in black with bands and a huge shovel hat. He wears a black vizard
with wine-stained cheeks. From 1653 until his death at an advanced
age in 1694 the representative of Dr. Baloardo was Angelo Augustino
Lolli. The Doctor's speeches in A rlequin Empe re ur dans la Lune (1684),
are a mixture of French and Italian.
p. 395 Scaramouch. In the original Arlequin Empereur dans la Lune Scara
mouch is Pierrot. The make-up and costume of Pierrot (Pedrolino)
circa 1673 is thus described: 'La figure blanchie. Serre-tete blanc.
Chapeau blanc. Veste et culotte de toile blanche. Bas blancs.
496
NOTES
Souliers blancs a rubans blancs.' It will be seen that he differed little
from his modern representative. Arlechino appeared in 1671 thus:
'Veste et pantalon a fond jaune clair. Triangles d' etoffes rouges et
vertes. Boutons de cuivre. Bas blancs. Souilers de peau blanche a
rubans rouges. Ceinture dc cuir jaune a boucle de cuivre. Masque
noir. Serre-tete noir. Mentonniere noire. Chapeau gris a queue de
lievre. Batte. Collerette de mousseline.'
Colombine (Mopsophil) in 1683 wore a traditional costume :
'Casaquin rouge borde de noir. Jupegris-perle. Souliers rouges bordes
de noir. Manches et collerette de mousseline. Rayon de dentelle et
touffe de rubans rose vif. Tablier blanc garni de dentelles.'
p. 397 your trusty Roger, cf. John Weever's Ancient funerall monuments
(folio, 1631): 'The seruant obeyed and (like a good trusty Roger)
performed his Master's commandment.' Roger stands as a generic
name.
p. 399 Lucian's Dialogue. The famous ^iKapOfltVlTTTTOQ r) VWtpvlfytXoQ
'Icaromenippus ; or, up in the Clouds.' Mrs. Behn no doubt used
the translation of Lucian by Ferrand Spence. 5 Vols. 16845.
'Icaromenippus' is given in Vol. Ill (1684).
p. 399 The Man in the Moon. The Man in the Moone, by Domingo Gonsales
(i.e. Francis Godwin, Bishop of Llandaff, and later of Hereford),
8vo, 1638, and I2mo, 1657. This is a highly diverting work. The
Second Edition (1657) has various cuts amongst which is a frontis
piece, that occurs again at page 29 of the little volume, depicting
Gonsales being drawn up to the lunar world in a machine, not unlike
a primitive parachute, to which are harnessed his 'gansas ... 25 in
number, a covey that carried him along lustily."
p. 399 A Discourse of the World in the Moon. Cyrano de Bergerac's
SeATJl/ajO^m, or the Government of the World in the Moon : Done
into English by Tho. St. Serf, Gent. (i6mo, 1659), and another version,
The Comical History of the States and Empires of the Worlds of the Moon
and Sun, newly Englished by A. Lovell, A.M. (8vo, 1687).
p. 400 Plumeys. Gallants ; beaus. So termed, of course, from their feathered
hats. cf. Dryden's An Evening's Love (1668), Act i, i, where Jacinta,
referring to the two gallants, says : 'I guess 'em to be Feathers of the
English Ambassador's train.' cf. Pope's Sir Plume in The Rape of the
Lock. In one of the French scenes of La Precaution inutile, produced
5 March, 1692, by the Italian comedians, Gaufichon (Act i, i) cries to
Leandre: 'Je destine ma soeur a Monsieur le Docteur Balouard, et
trente Plumets comme vous ne la detourneroient pas d'un aussi bon
rencontre.' The French word=a fop is, however, extremely rare.
Plumet more often=un jeune militaire. cf. Panard (1694-1765);
Oeuvres (1803), Tome III, p. 355 :
Que les plumets seraient 'aimables
Si leurs feux etaient plus constants !
p. 401 Cannons. Canons were the immense and exaggerated breeches,
adorned with ribbons and richest lace, which were worn by the fops
of the court of Louis XIV. There is more than one reference to them
NOTES 497
in Moliere. Ozell, in his translation of Moliere (1714), writes 'can-
nions'. cf. School for Husbands, Vol. II, p. 32 : 'those great cannions
wherein the legs look as tho" they were in the stocks."
Ces grands cannons ou, comme en des entraves,
On met tous les matins ses deux jambes esclaves.
Ecole des Marts, i, i.
cf. Pepys, 24 May, 1660 : 'Up, and made myself as fine as I could,
with the linen stockings on and wide canons that I bought the other
day at Hague.'
p.403 The Count of Gabalis. The Abbe Montfaucon de Villars (1635-73)
had wittily satirized the philosophy of Paracelsus and the Rosicrucians
and their belief in sylphs and elemental spirits in his Le Comte de
Gabalis ou Entretiens sur les sciences secretes (Paris, 1670), which was
'done into English by P. A. Gent.' (P. Ayres), as Count Gabalis, or
the Extravagant Mysteries of the Cabalists, exposed in Jive pleasant dis
courses (1680), and thus included in Vol. II of Bentley and Magnes,
Modern Novels (1681-93), twelve volumes. It will be remembered
that Pope was indebted to a hint from Gabalis for his aerial machinery
in The Rape of the Lock,
p. 406 Iredonoaar. This name is from Gonsales' (Bishop Godwin) The
Man in the Moone : 'The first ancestor of this great monarch [the
Emperor of the Moon] came out of the earth . . . and his name
being Irdonozur, his heirs, unto this day, do all assume unto themselves
that name.'
P4O7 Harlequin comes out on the Stage. This comic scene, Du Desesfoir,
which affords such opportunity for the mime, although not given in
the first edition of Le Theatre Italien, finds a place in the best edition
(1721). The editor has appended the following note : 'Ceux qui ont
vu cette Scene, conviendront que c'est une des plus plaisantes qu'on
ait jamais jouee sur le Theatre Italien.'
p. 408 a Man that laugh' d to death. This is the traditional end of 1'unico
Aretino. On hearing some ribald jest he is said to have flung himself
back in a chair and expired of sheer merriment. Later days elucidate
his fate by declaring that overbalancing himself he broke his neck on
the marble pavement. Sir Thomas Urquhart, the glorious translator
of Rabelais, is reported to have died of laughter on hearing of the
Restoration of Charles II.
p. 410 Boremes. A corrupt form (perhaps only in these passages) of bouts-
rimes. 'They were a List of Words that rhyme to one another drawn
up by another Hand and given to a Poet, who was to make a Poem
to the Rhymes in the same Order that they were placed on the List.'
Addison, Spectator, No. 60 (1711).
p. 413 Flute Doux. Should be flute-douce. 'The highest pitched variety
of the old flute with a mouthpiece.' Murray, N. E. D. cf. Etheredge,
The Man of Mode (1676), ii, n : 'Nothing but flute doux and French
hoyboys.'
p. 420 a Curtain or Hangings. When several scenes had to be set one behind
another the device of using a curtain or tapestries was common,
cf. DryHen and Lee's The Duke of Guise (1682), Act v, where after four
or five sets 'the scene draws, behind it a traverse'. We then have the
NOTES
Duke's assassination he shrieks out some four lines and dies, whereon
'the traverse is drawn'. The traverse was merely a pair of curtains
on a rod. All the grooves were in use for the scenes already set.
p. 422 Harpsicals. A common corruption of harpsicords on the analogy of
virginals. The two 4tos, 1687 and 1688, and the 1711 edition all
read 'harpsicals'. 1724 gives 'Harpsicords'.
p. 435 Ebula. The Ebelus was a jewel of great price bestowed upon
Gonzales by Irdonozur. He tells us that: 'to say nothing of the
colour (the Lunar whereof I made mention before, which notwith
standing is so incredibly beautiful, as a man should travel 1000 Leagues
to behold it), the shape is somewhat flat of the breadth of a Pistolett,
and twice the thickness. The one side of this, which is somewhat
more Orient of Colour than the other, being clapt to the bare skin of
a man, in any part of his body, it taketh away from it all weight or
ponderousness ; whereas turning the other side it addeth force unto
the attractive beams of the Earth, either in this world or that, and
maketh the body to weigh half so much again as it did before.'
P446 Gunman of Salamanca. A Guzman was a common term of abuse.
The first English translation (by James Mabbe) of Aleman's famous
romance is, indeed, entitled The Rogue, and it had as running title The
Spanish Rogue. There is a novel by George Fidge entitled The English
Gusman } or, The History of that Unparallel'd Thief James Hind (1652,
4to). Salamanca had an unsavoury reputation owing to the fictions of
Titus Oates. cf. The Rover (II), Act v : 'Guzman Medicines.'
p. 446 Signum Mallis. This curious phrase, which is both distorted cant
and canine, would appear to mean 'your rogue's phiz'.
p. 446 Friskin. 'A gay lively person.' Halliwell.
p. 446 Jack of Lent. A puppet set up to be thrown at; in modern parlance,
'Aunt Sally'. Hence a butt for all.
p. 451 Spitcbcock'd. To spitchcock is to split lengthwise, as an eel, and
then broil.
p. 458 Stentraphon. A megaphone.
p. 460 They fight at Barriers. A comic combat between Harlequin and
Scaramouch forms one of the traditional incidents (Lazzi), which
occur repeatedly in the Italian and Franco-Italian farces, cf. Dryden's
Epilogue spoken by Hart when The Silent Woman was played before
the University of Oxford in 1673 :
Th' Italian Merry-Andrews took their place,
And quite debauch'd the Stage with lewd Grimace :
Instead of Wit and Humours, your Delight
Was there to see two Hobby-horses fight,
Stout Scaramoucha with Rush Lance rode in,
And ran a Tilt at Centaure Arlequin.
i .
PR
3317
Al
1915
v.3
Behn, Aphra (Amis)
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