HANDBOUND
AT THE
THE WORKS OF
APHRA BEHN.
VOL. IV.
THE WORKS
OF
APHRA BEHN
EDITED BY
MONTAGUE SUMMERS
VOL. IV
SIR PATIENT FANCY
THE AMOROUS PRINCE THE WIDOW RANTER
THE YOUNGER BROTHER
LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN
STRATFORD-ON-AVON : A. H. BULLEN
MCMXV
Pfi
v.
CONTENTS.
PAGE
SIR PATIENT FANCY i
THE AMOROUS PRINCE 117
THE WIDOW RANTER 215
THE YOUNGER BROTHER; OR, THE AMOROUS JILT . 311
NOTES 401
SIR PATIENT FANCY.
IV
(3)
ARGUMENT.
a hypochondriacal old alderman, has taken a second
e^ahTTeaulrTuTwoman who, aTTnough feigningirrfaL.
'""" v
o, aTTnough feig
affection^and the strictest conjugal fidelity, intrigues with a gallant^Charl
Wittmore, the only obstacle to their having long since married 'being"
mutual poverty. However, the jealousy and uxoriousness of the doting
husband give the lovers few opportunities 5 on one occasion, indeed, as
Lady Fancy is entertaining Wittmore in the garden they are surprised by
Sir Patient, and she is obliged to pass her visitor off under the name of
Fainlove as a suitor to her step-daughter, Isabella, in which role he is
accepted by Sir Patient. But Isabella has betrothed herself to Lodwick, a
son of the pedantic Lady Knowell : whilst Lucretia Knowell loves Leander,
the alderman's nephew, in spite of the fact that she is promised by her
mother to Sir Credulous Easy, a bumpkinly knight from Devonshire.
Lodwick, who is a close friend of Leander, has been previously known to
Sir Credulous, and resolving to trick and befool the coxcomb warmly
welcomes him on his arrival in town. He persuades him, in fine, to give a
ridiculous serenade, or, rather, a hideous hubbub, of noisy instruments under
his mistress* window. A little before this Lady Knowell with a party of
friends has visited Sir Patient, who is her next neighbour, and the loud
laughter, talking, singing and foppery so enrage the precise old valetudinarian
that he resolves to leave London immediately for his country house, a
circumstance which would be fatal to his wife's amours. Wittmore and she,
however, persuade him that he is very ill, and on being shown his face in
j> looking-glass that magnifies instead of in hTs ordinary mirror, he Imagines
that he is suddenly swollen-ami puffld vVllh disujyi!, and su l\i led lamenting
to bed, leaving the coast clear for the nonce. Isabella, however, has made
an assignation with Lodwick at the same time that her stepmother eagerly
awaits her own gallant, and in the dark young Knowell is by mistake
escorted to Lucia's chamber, whilst Wittmore encountering Isabella, and
thinking her Lady Fancy, proceeds to act so amorously that the error is
soon discovered and the girl flies from his ardour. In her hurry, however,
she rushes blundering into Lucia's bedchamber, where she finds Knowell.
It is just at this moment that Sir Credulous Easy's deafening fanfare re
echoes in the street, and Sir Patient, awakened and half-stunned by the
pandemonium, is led grouty and bawling into his wife's room, where he
discovers Knowell, whom Lucia has all this time taken for Wittmore ; but
her obvious confusion and dismay thereon are such that Sir Patient does
not suspect the real happenings, which she glozes over with a tale concerning
Isabella. Meantime the serenaders are dispersed and routed by a band of the
alderman's servants and clerks. Sir Credulous courting Lucretia, who loathes
him, meets Knowell bringing a tale of a jealous rival able to poison at a
distance by means of some strangely subtle venom, upon which the Devon
shire knight conceals himself in a basket, hoping to be conveyed away to
4 SOURCE
his old uncle in Essex, whereas he is merely transported next door. Sir
Patient, who surprises his lady writing a love-letter, which she turns off by
appending Isabella's name thereto, is so overwhelmed with her seeming
affection and care for his family that he presents her with eight thousand
pounds in gold and silver, and resolves to marry his daughter to Fainlove
(Wittmore) without any further delay. But whilst he is gone down to
prayers and Lucia is entertaining her lover, the old nurse informs him that
his little daughter Fanny has long been privy to an intrigue between
Knowell and Isabella, whereupon, in great perturbation, he rushes upstairs
again to consult with his wife, who hurries Wittmore under the bed. Sir
Patient, however, warmed with cordials which he quaffs to revive his
drooping spirits, does not offer to quit the chamber, but lies down on the
bed, and the gallant is only enabled to slip out unobserved after several
accidents each of which nearly betrays his presence. Upon the marriage
morning Isabella in a private interview rejects her pseudo-suitor with scorn
and contumely, whereat Knowell, who has of intent been listening, reveals
to her that it is his friend Wittmore and no real lover who is seemingly
courting her, and with his help, whilst Sir Patient is occupied with a
consultation of doctors (amongst whom Sir Credulous appears disguised as
a learned member of the faculty), Isabella and Knowell are securely married.
Lady Knowell, who has feigned a liking for Leander, generously gives him
to Lucretia, Sir Patient's attention being still engrossed by the physicians
who assemble in great force. Soon after, at Leander's instigation, in order to
test his wife v Sir Patient feigns to be dead of a sudden apoplexy, and for a few
moments, whilst others are present, Lucia laments him with many plaints
and tears, but immediately changes when she is left alone with Wittmore.
The lovers' plans, however, are overheard by the husband, who promptly
confronts his wife with her duplicity. Amazed and confounded indeed, he
forgives Leander and his daughter for marrying contrary to his former
wishes ; and when Lucia coolly announces her intention to play the hypocrite
and puritan no more, but simply to enjoy herself with the moneys he has
settled on her without let or proviso, .hje humorously declares he will for
his p.TrfjlsQ drgjTfhp prig and canter, and turn town gallanrarTd spark.
SOURCE.
IN spite of Mrs. Behn's placid assertion in her address 'To the Reader' that
she has only taken 'but a very bare hint' from a foreign source, Le Malade
Imaginairey the critics who cried out that Sir Patient Fancy 'was made out of
at least four French plays' are patently right. Sir Patient is, of course,
Argan throughout and in detail ; moreover, in the scene where the old
alderman feigns death, there is very copious and obvious borrowing from
Act iii of Le Malade Imaginaire. Some of the doctors' lingo also comes
from the third and final interlude of Moliere's comedy, whilst the idea of
the medical consultation is pilfered from U Amour Mcdecin, Act ii, n. Sir
Credulous Easy is Monsieur de Porceaugnac, but his first entrance is taken
wholesale from Brome's The Damoiselte ; or, The New Ordinary (8vo, 1653),
Act ii, i, where Amphilus and Trebasco discourse exactly as do Curry and
his master. The pedantic Lady Knowell is a mixture of Philaminte and
SOURCE 5
Belise from Les Femmes Savantes. The circumstance in Act iv, 11, when
Lucia, to deceive her husband, appends Isabella's name to the love-letter
she has herself just written, had already been used by Wycherley at the
commencement of Act v of that masterpiece of comedy, The Country Wife
(410, 1675, produced in 1672), where Mrs. Pinchwife, by writing 'your
slighted Alithea* as the subscription of a letter, completely befools her
churlish spouse.
Moliere's comedies, which were so largely conveyed in Sir Patient Fancy y
have been a gold mine for many of our dramatists. From Le Malade
Imaginaire Miller took his Motber-in-Lavu ; or, The Doctor the Disease,
produced at the Haymarket, 12 February, 1734, and Isaac Bickcrstaffe,
Dr. Last in bis Chariot, produced at the same theatre 25 August, 1769. In
this farce Bickerstaffe further introduces the famous consultation scene
from V Amour Mldecin, a play which had been made use of by Lacy, The
Dumb Lady $ or. The Farrier made a Physician (i 672) ; by Owen Swiney, The
Quacks} or, Love's the Physician, produced at Drury Lane, 18 March, 1705 ;
by Miller, Art and Nature, produced at the same theatre 1 6 February, 1738;
and in an anonymous one act piece, which is little more than a bare
translation under the title Love is the Doctor, performed once only at
Lincoln's Inn Fields, 4 April, 1734.
Monsieur de Pourceaugnac supplied Ravenscroft with material no less than
three times. In M amamouc hi ; or, The Citizen turned Gentleman, acted early
in 1672, we have Sir Simon Softhead, who is Pourceaugnac in detail ; in
The Careless Lovers, produced at the Duke's House in 1673, and again in
The Canterbury Guests ; or, A Bargain Broken, played at the Theatre Royal
in 1694, we have in extenso Act ii, Scenes vm, ix, x, of the French comedy.
Crowne's Sir Mannerley Shallow (The Country Wit, 1675) comes from the
same source. Squire Trelooby, produced at Lincoln's Inn Fields, 20 March,
1704, and revived as The Cornish Squire at Drury Lane, 3 January, 1734,
is ascribed to Vanbrugh, Congreve, and Walsh ; but this, as well as a farce
produced at Dublin in 1720 by Charles Shadwell and entitled The Plotting
Lovers $ or, The Dismal Squire, cannot claim to be anything but translations.
Miller's Motber-in-La-w, again, includes much of Monsieur de Pourceaugnac;
and Thomas Sheridan's Captain 0' Blunder ; or, The Brave Irishman, produced
at Goodman's Fields, 31 January, 1746, is a poor adaptation. Mrs. Parsons
abbreviated Moliere to The Intrigues of a Morning, played at Covent Garden,
1 8 April, 1792, a jejune effort. Les Femmes Savantes was rather racily
transformed by Thomas Wright into The Female Virtuosoes, and produced
at Drury Lane in 1693. It was revived as No Fools like Wits at Lincoln's
Inn Fields, 10 January, 1721, to anticipate Cibber's The Refusal} or, The
Ladies' Philosophy, which had a run of six nights. Miller, in his The Man of
Taste, once more had resource to Moliere. His play was produced at Drury
Lane, 6 March, 1735. It has no value.
Of all these borrowers Mrs. Behn is infinitely the best. Sir Patient Fancy
is, indeed, an excellent comedy, and had she used more leisure might have
been improved to become quite first rate. Perhaps she plagiarized so largely
owing to the haste with which her play was written and staged, but yet
eveything she touched has been invested with an irresistible humour.
A glaring example of her hurry remains in the fact that the 'precise clerk'
6 THEATRICAL HISTORY
of Sir Patient has a double nomenclature. In Act iii he appears as Abel j
in Act iv, in, he is referred to as Bartholomew, and under this last name has
an exit marked in Act v. This character is only on the stage twice and is
given but some three or four lines to speak. Obviously, when writing her
fourth act, Aphra forgot she had already christened him.
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
Sir Patient Fancy was produced at the Duke's Theatre, Dorset Garden, in
January, 1678, with an exceptionally strong cast which included both
Betterton and his wife. It met with the great success it fully deserved.
The critics, indeed, were not slow to detect Mrs. Behn's plagiarisms, but
the only real opposition was negligible disapproval of a modest clique, who
a few years later vainly tried to damn The Lucky Chance. After the death
of the two famous comedians Antony Leigh and James Nokes in December,
1692, Sir Patient Fancy, owing to the inability of succeeding actors to sustain
the two roles, Sir Patient and Sir Credulous, which had been created by
this gifted pair, completely dropped out of the repertory of the theatre. It
was not singular in its fate, for Gibber expressly tells us that D'Urfey's
excellent comedy The Fond Husband, and Crowne's satirical City Politics,
'lived only by the extraordinary performance of Nokes and Leigh.'
(7)
TO THE READER.
I Printed this Play with all the impatient haste one ought to do, who would
be vindicated from the most unjust and silly aspersion, Woman could invent
to cast on Woman ; and which only my being a Woman has procured me ;
That it was Baudy, the least and most Excusable fault in the Men writers,
to whose Plays they all crowd, as if they came to no other end than to hear
what they condemn in this : but from a Woman it ivas unnatural/: but how
so Cruell an unkindness came into their imaginations I can by no means
guess ; unless by those whose Lovers by long absence, or those whom Age
or Ugliness have rendered a little distant from those things they would fain
imagin here But if such as these durst profane their Chast ears with
hearing it over again, or taking it into their serious Consideration in their
Cabinets ; they would find nothing that the most innocent Virgins can have
cause to blush at : but confess with me that no Play either Ancient or
Modern has less of that Bug-bear Bawdry in it. Others to show their
breeding (as Bays sayes) cryed it was made out of at least four French Plays,
when I had but a very bare hint from one, the M dad Imagenere, which was
given me translated by a Gentleman infinitely to advantage ; but how much
of the French is in this, I leave to those who do indeed understand it and
have seen it at the Court. The play had no other Misfortune but that of
coming out for a Womans : had it been owned by a Man, though the most
Dull Unthinking Rascally Scribler in Town, it had been a most admirable
Play. Nor does it's loss of Fame with the Ladies do it much hurt, though
they ought to have had good Nature and justice enough to have attributed
all its faults to the Authours unhappiness, who is forced to write for Bread
and not ashamed to owne it, and consequently ought to write to please (if
she can) an Age which has given severall proofs it was by this way of writing
to be obliged, though it is a way too cheap for men of wit to pursue who
write for Glory, and a way which even I despise as much below me.
SIR PATIENT FANCY.
PROLOGUE,
Spoken by Mr. Bettcrton.
write not now, as th' antient Poets writ,
For your Applause of Nature, Sense and Wit ;
But, like good Tradesmen, what's in fashion vent,
And cozen you, to give ye all content.
True Comedy, writ even in Dryden's Style,
Will hardly raise your Humours to a Smile.
Long did his Sovereign Muse the Scepter sway,
And long with Joy you did true Homage pay :
But now, like happy States, luxurious grown,
The Monarch Wit unjustly you dethrone,
And a Tryannick Commonwealth prefer,
Where each small Wit starts up and claims his share ;
And all those Laurels are in pieces torn,
Which did e'er while one sacred Head adorn.
Nay, even the Women now pretend to reign ;
Defend us from a Poet Joan again!
That Congregation's in a hopeful way
To Heaven, where the Lay-Sisters teach and pray.
Oh the great Blessing of a little Wit!
I 've seen an elevated Poet sit, '
And hear the Audience laugh and clap, yet say,
Gad after all, 'tis a damn'd silly Play :
He unconcern d, cries only Is it so f
No matter, these unwitty things will do,
When your fine fustian useless Eloquence
Serves but to chime asleep a drousy Audience.
PROLOGUE
Who at the vast expence of Wit would treaty
That might so cheaply please the Appetite ?
Such homely Fare you're like to find to night :
Our Author
Knows better how to juggle than to write :
Alas! a Poefs good for nothing now.
Unless he have the knack of conjuring too ;
For 'tis beyond all natural Sense to guess
How their strange Miracles are brought to pass.
Tour Presto Jack be gone, and come again,
With all the Hocus Art of Legerdemain ;
Tour dancing Tester, Nut-meg, and your Cups,
Out-does your Heroes and your amorous Fops.
And if this chance to please you, by that rule,
He that writes Wit is much the greater Fool.
(10)
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
Sir Patient Fancy, an old rich Alderman, *\MT. Anthony Leigh.
one that fancies himself always sick,
Leander Fancy, his Nephew, in love with ) ^ ^
Lucretia, )
Wittmore, Gallant to the Lady Fancy, a wild ) ,,
young Fellow of a small Fortune, j
Lod-wick Knoive/l, Son to the Lady Knoiuell, \ _,
in love with Isabella, }
Sir Credulous Easy, a foolish Devonshire Knight, ) .,
design'd to marry Lucretia, }
Curry, his Groom, Mr. Richards.
Roger, Footman to the Lady Fancy.
Abel (Bartholomew), Clerk to Sir Patient Fancy.
Brunsivick, a friend to Lodivick Knoiuell.
Monsieur Turboon, a French Doctor.
A Fat Doctor.
An Amsterdam Doctor.
A Leyden Doctor.
Page to the Lady Knoivell.
Guests, Six Servants to Sir Patient, Ballad-Singers and Serenaders.
WOMEN.
The Lady Fancy, Young Wife to Sir Patient, Mrs. Currer.
The Lady Ktwwell, an affected learned Woman, ) _, .
Mother to Lodtuick and Lucretia, }
Lucretia, Daughter to the L. Knoiutll, Mrs. Price.
Isabella, Daughter to Sir Patient Fancy, Mrs. Betterton.
Fanny, a Child of seven Years old, Daughter
to Sir Patient Fancy.
Maundy, the Lady Fancy's Woman, Mrs. Gibbs.
Betty, Waiting-woman to Isabella.
Antic, Wai'ting-woman to Lucretia.
Nurse.
SCENE London^ in two Houses.
(II)
ACT I.
SCENE I. A Room in Lady KnowelFs House.
Enter Lucretia with Isabella.
hab. 'Tis much I owe to Fortune, my dear Lucretia^
for being so kind to make us Neighbours, where with Ease
we may continually exchange our Souls and Thoughts
without the attendance of a Coach, and those other little
Formalities that make a Business of a Visit ; it looks so like
a Journey, I hate it.
Lucr. Attendance is that Curse to Greatness that con
fines the Soul, and spoils good Humour ; we are free whilst
thus alone, and can laugh at the abominable Fopperies of
this Town.
Isab. And lament the numberless Impertinences where
with they continually plague all young Women of Quality.
Lucr. Yet these are the precious thingsour grave Parents
still chuse out to make us happy with, and all for a filthy
Jointure, the undeniable argument for our Slavery to Fools. |Afi
hab.Custorr\ i kjunkmd to-our Sex^-not to a|]pw u
clnit we above all Creatjire&jnust be forcedto ^
ions of a Parent, andthe
more insupportable Addresses ofzm odious Fop; whilst
the Obedient Daughter stands thus with her Hands
pinn'd before her, a set Look, few Words, and a Mein
that cries Come marry me : out upon't.
Lucr. I perceive then, whatever your Father designs,
you are resolv'd to love your own way.
Isab. Thou mayst lay thy Maidenhead upon't, and be
sure of the Misfortune to win.
Lucr. My Brother Lodwiclfs like to be a happy Man then.
12 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT i
Isab. Faith, my dear Lodwick or no body in my heart,
and I hope thou art as well resolv'd for my Cousin Leander.
Lucr. Here's my Hand upon't, I am ; yet there's some
thing sticks upon my stomach, which you must know.
Isab. Spare the Relation, for I have observ'd of late
your Mother to have order'd her Eyes with some softness,
her Mouth endeavouring to sweeten it self into Smiles and
Dimples, as if she meant to recal Fifteen again, and gave
it all to Leander, for at him she throws her Darts.
Lucr. Is't possible thou should'st have perceived it
already ?
Isab. Long since.
Lucr. And now I begin to love him, 'twould vex me
to see my Mother marry him well, I shall never call
him Father.
Isab. He'll take care to give himself a better Title.
Lucr. This Devonshire Knight too, who is recommended
to my Mother as a fit Husband for me, I shall be so
tormented with My Brother swears he's the pertest,
most unsufferable Fool he ever saw ; when he was at my
Uncle's last Summer, he made all his Diversion.
Isab. Prithee let him make ours now, for of all Fops
your Country Fop is the most tolerable Animal ; those
of the Town are the most unmanagable Beasts in Nature.
Lucr. And are the most noisy, keeping Fops.
Isab. Keeping begins to be as ridiculous as Matrimony,
and is a greater Imposition upon the Liberty of Man ;
the Insolence and Expence of their Mistresses has almost
tir'd out all but the Old and Doting part of Mankind :
The rest begin to know their value, and set a price upon a
good Shape, a tolerable Face and Mein : and some there
are who have made excellent Bargains for themselves that
way, and will flatter ye and jilt ye an Antiquated Lady
as artfully as the most experienc'd Miss of 'em all.
Lucr. Lord, Lord ! what will this World come to ?
but this Mother of mine Isabella. [Sighs.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 1 3
hab. Is discreet and virtuous enough, a little too affected,
as being the most learned of her Sex.
Lucr. Methinks to be read in the Arts, as they call 'em,
is the peculiar Province of the other Sex.
hab. Indeed the Men would have us think so, and boast
their Learning and Languages ; but if they can find any
of our Sex fuller of Words, and to so little purpose as some
of their Gownmen, I'll be content to change my Petticoats
for Pantaloons, and go to a Grammar-school.
Lucr. Oh, they're the greatest Babelards in Nature.
hab. They call us easy and fond, and charge us with
all weakness; but look into their Actions of Love, State
or War, their roughest business, and you shall find 'em
sway'd by some who have the luck to find their Foibles ;
witness my Father, a Man reasonable enough, till drawn
away by doting Love and Religion : what a Monster my
young Mother makes of him ! flatter'd him first into
Matrimony, and now into what sort of Fool or Beast she
pleases to make him.
Lucr. I wonder she does not turn him to Christianity ;
methinks a Conventicle should ill agree with her Humour.
hab. Oh, she finds it the only way to secure her from
his Suspicion, which if she do not e'er long give him cause
for, I am mistaken in her Humour.
Enter L. Knowell and Leander.
But see your Mother and my Cousin Leander, who seems,
poor man, under some great Consternation, for he looks
as gravely as a Lay-Elder conducting his Spouse from a
Sermon.
L. Kno. Oh, fy upon't. See, Mr. Fancy, where your
Cousin and my Lucretia are idling : Dii boni, what an
insupportable loss of time's this?
Lean. Which might be better imploy'd, if I might
instruct 'em, Madam.
L. Kno. Ay, Mr. Fancy, in Consultation with the
14 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACTI
Antients. Oh the delight of Books! when I was of their
age, I always imploy'd my looser Hours in reading if
serious, 'twas Tacitus, Seneca, Plutarch"** Morals, or some
such useful Author; if in an Humour gay, I was for
Poetry, Virgil, Homer or Tasso. Oh that Love between
Renaldo and Armida, Mr. Fancy! Ah the Caresses that
fair Corcereis gave, and received from the young Warrior,
ah how soft, delicate and tender ! Upon my Honour I
cannot read them in the Excellence of their Original
Language, without I know not what Emotions.
Lean. Methinks 'tis very well in our Mother Tongue,
Madam.
L. Kno. O, Faugh, Mr. Fancy, what have you said,
Mother Tongue ! Can any thing that's great or moving
be express'd in filthy English ? I'll give you an Ener
getical proof, Mr. Fancy ; observe but divine Homer in the
Grecian Language Ton d 1 apamibominous prosiphe podas
ochusAchilleus! Ah how it sounds ! which English't dwindles
into the most grating stuff: Then the swift-foot Achilles
made reply : oh, faugh.
Lucr. So now my Mother's in her right Sphere.
L. Kno. Come, Mr. Fancy, we'll pursue our first design
of retiring into my Cabinet, and reading a leaf or two in
Martial ; I am a little dull, and wou'd fain laugh.
Lean. Methinks, Madam, Discourse were much better
with these young Ladies. Dear Lucretia, find some way
to release me. [Aside.
L. Kno. Oh, how I hate the impertinence of Women,
who for the generality have no other knowledge than that
of dressing ; I am uneasy with the unthinking Creatures.
Lucr. Indeed 'tis much better to be entertaining a young
Lover alone ; but I'll prevent her, if possible. [Aside.
L. Kno. No, I am for the substantial pleasure of an
Author. Philosophemur! is my Motto, I'm strangely fond
of you, Mr. Fancy, for being a Scholar.
Lean. Who, Madam, I a Scholar? the greatest Dunce
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 1 5
in Nature Malicious Creatures, will you leave me to her
mercy? [To them aside.
Lucr. Prithee assist him in his misery, for I am Mudd,
and can do nothing towards it. [Aside.
Isab. Who, my Cousin Leander a Scholar, Madam?
Lucr. Sure he's too much a Gentleman to be a Scholar.
Isab. I vow, Madam, he spells worse than a Country
Farrier when he prescribes a Drench.
Lean. Then, Madam, I write the leudest hand.
Isab. Worse than a Politician or a States-man.
Lucr. He cannot read it himself when he has done.
Lean. Not a word on't, Madam.
L. Kno. This agreement to abuse him, I understand
[Aside.
Well, then, Mr. Fancy , let's to my Cabinet your hand.
Lean. Now shall I be teas'd unmercifully, I'll wait
on you, Madam. [Exit Lady.
Find some means to redeem me, or I shall be mad.
[Exit Lean.
Enter Lodwick.
Lod. Hah, my dear Isabella here, and without a Spy !
what a blessed opportunity must I be forc'd to lose, for
there is just now arriv'd my Sister's Lover, whom I am
oblig'd to receive : but ifyou have a mind to laugh a little
Isab. Laugh ! why, are you turn'd Buffoon, Tumbler,
or Presbyterian Preacher?
Lod. No, but there's a Creature below more ridiculous
than either of these.
Lucr. For love's sake, what sort of Beast is that ?
Lod. Sir Credulous Easy, your new Lover just come to
town Bag and Baggage, and I was going to acquaint my
Mother with it.
Isab. You'll find her well employ'd with my Cousin
Leander.
Lucr. A happy opportunity to free him : but what shall
I do now, Brother ?
1 6 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACTI
Lod. Oh, let me alone to ruin him with my Mother :
get you gone, I think I hear him coming, and this Apart
ment is appointed for him.
Lucr. Prithee haste then, and free Leander, we'll into
the Garden. [Exeunt Luc. and Isab.
A Chair and a Table. Enter Sir Credulous in a riding
habit. Curry his Groom carrying a Portmantle.
Lod. Yes 'tis the Right Worshipful, I'll to my Mother
with the News. [Ex. Lod.
Sir Cred. Come undo my Portmantle, and equip me, that
I may look like some body before I see the Ladies Curry,
thou shalt e'en remove now, Curry, from Groom to Foot
man ; for I'll ne'er keep Horse more, no, nor Mare neither,
since my poor Gillian s departed this Life.
Cur. 'Ds diggers, Sir, you have griev'd enough for your
Mare in all Conscience ; think of your Mistress now, Sir,
and think of her no more.
Sir Cred. Not think of her ! I shall think of her whilst
I live, poor Fool, that I shall, though I had forty Mistresses.
Cur. Nay, to say truth, Sir, 'twas a good-natur'd civil
beast, and so she remain'd to her last gasp, for she cou'd
never have left this World in a better time, as the saying
is, so near her Journey's End.
Sir Cred. A civil Beast ! Why, was it civilly done of her,
thinkest thou, to die at Branford, when had she liv'd till
to morrow, she had been converted into Money and have
been in my Pocket ? for now I am to marry and live in
Town, I'll sell off all my Pads ; poor Fool, I think she
e'en died for grief I wou'd have sold her.
Cur. 'Twas unlucky to refuse Parson Cuffefs Wife's
Money for her, Sir.
Sir Cred. Ay, and to refuse her another kindness too,
that shall be nameless which she offer'd me, and which
wou'd have given me good luck in Horse-flesh too ; Zoz,
I was a modest fool, that's truth on't.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 17
Cur. Well, well, Sir, her time was come you must
think, and we are all Mortal as the saying is.
Sir Cred. Well, 'twas the lovingst Tit : but Grass and
Hay, she's gone where be her Shoes, Curry ?
Cur. Here, Sir, her Skin went for good Ale at Branford.
[Gives him the Shoes.
Sir Cred. Ah, how often has she carry'd me upon these
Shoes to Mother Jumbles; thou remember'st her handsome
Daughter, and what pure Ale she brew'd ; between one
and t'other my Rent came short home there ; but let that
pass too, and hang sorrow, as thou sayst, I have something
else to think on.
[ Takes his things out, lays them upon the Table.
And, Curry, as soon as I am drest, go you away to St.
Clement's Church-yard, to Jackson the Cobler there.
Cur. What, your Dog-tutor, Sir ?
Sir Cred. Yes, and see how my Whelp proves, I put to
him last Parliament.
Cur. Yes, Sir.
Enter Leander, and starts back seeing Sir Cred.
Sir Cred. And ask him what Gamesters come to the
Ponds now adays, and what good Dogs.
Cur. Yes, Sir.
Lean. This is the Beast Lodwick spoke of; how could
I laugh were he design'd for any but Lucretia! [Aside.
Sir Cred. And dost hear, ask him if he have not sold his
own Dog Diver with the white Ear ; if I can purchase him,
and my own Dog prove right, I'll be Duke of Ducking-
\ Pond, ads zoz. * [Sir Cred. dresses himself.
' Well, I think I shall be fine anon, he.
Cur. But zo, zo, Sir, as the saying is, this Suit's a little
out of fashion, 'twas made that very year I came to your
Worship, which is five Winters, and as many Summers.
Sir Cred. What then Mun, I never wear it, but when
I go to be drunk, and give my Voice for a Knight o'th'
IV B
1 8 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT i
Shire, and here at London in Term time, arid that but eight
times in Eight Visits to Eight several Ladies to whom I was
recommended.
Cur. I wonder that amongst eight you got not one, Sir.
Sir Cred. Eight ! Zoz, I had Eight score, Mun ; but the
Devil was in 'em, they were all so forward, that before I
cou'd seal and deliver, whip, quoth Jethro, they were either
all married to some body else, or run quite away ; so that
I am resolv'd if this same Lucretia proves not right, I'll
e'en forswear this Town and all their false Wares, amongst
which, zoz, I believe they vent as many false Wives as any
Metropolitan in Christendom, I'll say that for't, and a
Fiddle for't, i'faith : come give me my Watch out, so,
my Diamond Rings too : so, I think I shall appear pretty
well all together, Curry, hah ?
Lean. Like some thing monstrously ridiculous, I'll be
sworn. [Aside.
Cur. Here's your Purse of broad Gold, Sir, that your
Grandmother gave you to go a wooing withal, I mean to
shew, Sir.
Sir Cred. Ay, for she charg'd me never to part with it ;
so, now for the Ladies. [Shakes his Ribbons.
Enter Lodwick.
Lod. Leander, what mak'st thou here, like a Holy-day
Fool gazing at a Monster?
Lean. Yes ; And one I hope I have no great reason to fear.
Lod. I am of thy opinion ; away, my Mother's coming;
take this opportunity with my Sister, she's i'th' Garden,
and let me alone with this Fool, for an Entertainment
that shall shew him all at once: away [Exit Lean.
[Lod. goes in to Sir Cred.
Sir Cred. Lodwick, my dear Friend ! and little Spark of
Ingenuity Zoz, Man, I'm but just come to Town.
[ Embrace.
Lod. 'Tis a joyful hearing, Sir.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 1 9
Sir Cred. Not so joyful neither, Sir, when you shall
know poor Gillian's dead, my little grey Mare ; thou
knew'st her, mun : Zoz, 'thas made me as melancholy as
the Drone of a Lancashire Bag-pipe. But let that pass ;
and now we talk of my Mare, Zoz, I long to see this
Sister of thine.
Lod. She'll be with you presently, Sir Credulous.
Sir Cred. But hark ye, Zoz, I have been so often fob'd
off in these matters, that between you and I, Lodwick, if
I thought I shou'd not have her, Zoz, I'd ne'er lose
precious time about her.
Lod. Right, Sir ; and to say truth, these Women have
so much Contradiction in 'em, that 'tis ten to one but a
Man fails in the Art of pleasing.
Sir Cred. Why, there's it : therefore prithee, dear
Lodwick y tell me a few of thy Sister's Humors, and if I fail,
then hang me, Ladies, at your Door, as the Song says.
Lod. Why, faith, she has many odd Humors hard enough
to hit.
Sir Cred. Zoz, let 'em be as hard as Hercules his Labors
in the Vale of Basse, I'll not be frighted from attempting
her.
Lod. Why, she's one of those fantastick Creatures that
must be courted her own way.
Sir Cred. Why, let's hear her way.
Lod. She must be surpriz'd with strange Extravagancies
wholly out of the Road and Method of common Courtship.
Sir Cred. Shaw, is that all ? Zoz, I'm the best in Chris
tendom at your out-of-the-way bus'nesses. Now do I
find the Reason of all my ill Success ; for I us'd one and
the same method to all I courted, whatever their Humors
were ; hark ye, prithee give me a hint or two, and let me
alone to manage Matters.
Lod. I have just now thought of a way that cannot but
take
Sir Cred. Zoz, out with it, Man.
20 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT i
Lod. Why, what if you should represent a dumb Am
bassador from the Blind God of Love.
Sir Cred. How, a dumb Ambassador? Zoz, Man, how
shall I deliver my Embassy then, and tell her how much
I love her ? besides, I had a pure Speech or two ready by
heart, and that will be quite lost. [Aside.
Lod. Fy, fy ! how dull you are ! why, you shall do it
by Signs, and I'll be your Interpreter.
Sir Cred. Why, faith, this will be pure; I understand you
now, Zoz, I am old excellent at Signs ; I vow this will
be rare.
Lod. It will not fail to do your business, if well manag'd
but stay, here's my Sister, on your life not a syllable.
Enter Lean. Lucr. and Isab.
Sir Cred. I'll be rackt first, Mum budget, prithee
present me, I long to be at it, sure.
[He falls back, making Faces and Grimaces.
Lod. Sister, I here present you with a worthy Knight,
struck dumb with Admiration of your Beauty ; but that's
all one, he is employ'd Envoy Extraordinary from the blind
God of Love : and since, like his young Master, he must
be defective in one of his Senses, he chose rather to be
dumb than blind.
Lucr. I hope the small Deity is in good Health, Sir?
Isab. And his Mistress Psyche, Sir?
[ He smiles and bows, and makes Signs.
Lod. He says that Psyche has been sick of late, but
somewhat recovered, and has sent you for a Token a pair
of Jet Bracelets, and a Cambrick Handkerchief of her own
spinning, with a Sentence wrought in't, Heart in hand,
at thy command. [Looking every word upon Sir Credulous
as he makes signs.
Sir Cred. Zoz, Lodwick, what do you mean ? I'm the
Son of an Egyptian if I understand thee.
[Pulls him, he signs to him to hold his peace.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 21
Lod. Come, Sir, the Tokens, produce, produce
\_He falls back making damnable signs.
How ! Faith, I'm sorry for that with all my heart, he says,
being somewhat put to't on his Journey, he was forced to
pawn the Bracelets for half a Crown, and the Handker
chief he gave his Landlady on the Road for a Kindness
received, this 'tis when People will be fooling
Sir Cred. Why, the Devil's in thisLodwict, for mistaking
my Signs thus : hang me if ever I thought of Bracelets
or a Handkerchief, or ever received a Civility from any
Woman Breathing, is he bewitcht trow? [Aside.
Lean. Lodwick, you are mistaken in the Knight's mean
ing all this while. Look on him, Sir, do not you guess
from that Look, and wrying of his Mouth, that you mis
took the Bracelets for Diamond Rings, which he humbly
begs, Madam, you would grace with your fair Hand ?
Lod. Ah, now I perceive it plain.
Sir Cred. A Pox of his Compliment. Why, this is worse
than t'other. What shall I do in this case? should I
speak and undeceive them, they would swear 'twere to save
my Jems : and to part with 'em Zoz, how simply should
I look ! but hang't, when I have married her, they are my
own again. [Gives the Rings> and falls back into Grimaces.
Leander whispers to Lodwick.
Lod. Enough Then, Sister, she has sent you a Purse
of her own knitting full of Broad Gold.
Sir. Cred. Broad Gold ! why, what a Pox does the Man
conjure ?
Lod. Which, Sister, faith, you must accept of, you see
by that Grimace how much 'twill grieve him else.
Sir Cred. A pretty civil way this to rob a Man. Why,
Lodwick) why, what a Pox, will they have no mercy?
Zoz, I'll see how far they'll drive the Jest.
[Gives the Gold and bows, and scrapes and screws.
Lod. Say you so, Sir ? well I'll see what may be done.
Sister, behold him, and take pity on him ; he has but
22 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT i
one more humble request to make you, 'tis to receive a
Gold Watch which he designs you from himself.
Sir Cred. Why, how long has this Fellow been a Con
jurer? for he does deal with the Devil, that's certain,
Lodwick [Pulls him.
Lod. Ay do, speak and spoil all, do.
Sir Cred. Speak and spoil all, quoth he ! and the Duce
take me if I am not provok'd to't ; why, how the Devil
should he light slap-dash, as they say, upon every thing
thus? Well, Zoz, I'm resolv'd to give it her, and shame
her if she have any Conscience in her.
[Gives his Watch with pitiful Grimaces.
Lod. Now, Sister, you must know there's a Mystery in
this Watch, 'tis a kind of Hieroglyphick that will instruct
you how a Married Woman of your Quality ought to live.
Sir Cred. How, my Watch Mysteries and Hierogly-
phicks ! the Devil take me, if I knew of any such Virtues
it had. [They are all looking on the Watch.
Lod. Beginning at Eight, from which down to Twelve
you ought to imploy in dressing, till Two at Dinner, till
Five in Visits, till Seven at the Play, till Nine i'th' Park,
Ten at Supper with your Lover, if your Husband be not
at home, or keep his distance, which he's too well bred
not to do ; then from Ten to Twelve are the happy Hours
the Bergere, those of intire Enjoyment.
Sir Cred. Say you so? hang me if I shall not go near
to think I may chance to be a Cuckold by the shift.
Isab. Well, Sir, what must she do from Twelve till
Eight again ?
Lod. Oh ! those are the dull Conjugal Hours for sleep
ing with her own Husband, and dreaming of Joys her
absent Lover alone can give her.
Sir Cred. Nay, an she be for Sleeping, Zoz, I am as good
at that as she can be for her Heart; or 'Snoring either.
Lod. But I have done ; Sir Credulous has a dumb Oration
to make you by way of farther Explanation.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 23
Sir Cred. A dumb Oration ! now do I know no more
how to speak a dumb Speech than a Dog.
Luc. Oh, I love that sort of Eloquence extremely.
Lod. I told you this would take her.
Sir Cred. Nay, I know your silent Speeches are incom
parable, and I have such a Speech in my Head.
Lod. Your Postures, your Postures, begin, Sir.
[He puts himself into a ready Posture as if he would
speak, but only makes Faces.
Enter Page.
Pag. Sir, my Lady desires to speak with you. [ To Lean.
Lean. I'll wait on her, a Devil on't.
Pag. I have command to bring you, Sir, instantly.
Lean. This is ill luck, Madam, I cannot see the Farce
out ; I'll wait on you as soon as my good Fortune will
permit me. [Exit with Page.
Luc. He's going to my Mother, dear Isabella, let's go
and hinder their Discourse : Farewel, Sir Ambassador,
pray remember us to Psyche, not forgetting the little blind
Archer, ha, ha, ha. [Ex. Lucr. and Isab. laughing.
Sir Cred. So, I have undone all, they are both gone,
flown I protest ; why, what a Devil ail'd em? Now have
I been dumb all this while to no purpose, you too never
told her my meaning right ; as I hope to breathe, had any
but yourself done this, I should have sworn by Helicon
and all the rest of the Devils, you had had a design to
have abus'd me, and cheated me of all my Moveables too.
Lod. What a hopeful Project was here defeated by my
mistake ! but courage, Sir Credulous, I'll put you in a way
shall fetch all about again.
Sir Cred. Say you so ? ah, dear Lodwick, let me hear it.
Lod. Why, you shall this Night give your Mistress a
Serenade.
Sir Cred. How ! a Serenade !
Lod. Yes, but it must be perform'd after an Extravagant
24 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT i, sc. i
manner, none of your dull amorous Night- walking Noises
so familiar in this Town; Lucretia loves nothing but
what's great and extravagant, and passes the reach of vulgar
practice.
Sir Cred. What think you of a silent Serenade? Zoz,
say but the word and it shall be done, Man, let me alone
for Frolicks, i'faith.
Lod. A silent one ! no, that's to wear a good humour
to the Stumps ; I wou'd have this want for no Noise ; the
extremes of these two Addresses will set off one another.
Sir Cred. Say you so r what think you then of the Bag
pipe, Tongs, and Gridiron, Cat-calls, and loud-sounding
Cymbals ?
Lod. Naught, naught, and of known use ; you might
as well treat her with Viols and Flute-doux, which were
enough to disoblige her for ever.
Sir Cred. Why, what think you then of the King of
Bantam's own Musick.
Lod. How! the King of Bantam's Musick?
Sir Cred. Ay, Sir, the King of Bantam's: a Friend of
mine had a Present sent him from thence, a most unheard
of curiosity I'll assure you.
Lod. That, that by all means, Sir.
Sir Cred. Well, I'll go borrow 'em presently.
Lod. You must provide your self of a Song.
Sir Cred. A Song ! hang't, 'tis but rummaging the Play-
Books, stealing thence is lawful Prize Well, Sir, your
Servant. [Exit.
Enter Leander.
Lod. I hope 'twill be ridiculous enough, and then the
Devil's in't if it do not do his Business with my Mother, for
she hates all impertinent Noises but what she makes herself.
She's now going to make a Visit to your Uncle, purposely
to give me an opportunity to Isabella.
Lean. And I'm ingag'd to wait on her thither, she
ACT ii, sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 25
designs to carry the Fiddles too ; he's mad enough already,
but such a Visit will fit him for Bedlam.
Lod. No matter, for you have all a leud Hand with
him ; between his continual imaginary Sickness, and per
petual Physic, a Man might take more Pleasure in an
Hospital. What the Devil did he marry a young Wife
for ? and they say a handsome Creature too.
Lean. To keep up his Title of Cuckold I think, for
she has Beauty enough for Temptation, and no doubt
makes the right use on't : wou'd I cou'd know it, that
I might prevent her cheating my Uncle longer to my
undoing.
Lod. She'll be cunning enough for that, if she have
Wit : but now thou talk'st of Intrigues, when didst see
Wittmore? that Rogue has some lucky Haunt which we
must find out. But my Mother expects your attendance ;
I'll go seek my Sister, and make all the Interest there I
can for you, whilst you pay me in the same Coin to
Isabella. Adieu.
Lean. Trust my Friendship. [Ex. severally.
ACT II.
SCENE I. A Garden to Sir Patient Fancy's House.
Enter Lady Fancy, Wittmore, and Maundy.
Wit. Enough, my charming Mistress, you've set my
Soul at Peace, and chas'd away those Fears and Doubts
my Jealousy created there.
Maun. Mr. Wittmore's satisfy'd of your Constancy,
Madam ; though had I been your Ladyship, I should have
given him a more substantial Proof, which you might yet
do, if you wou'd make handsome use of your time.
Wit. Maundy advises well j my dearest, let's withdraw
to yonder Covert Arbour, whose kind Shades will secure
us a Happiness that Gods might envy.
[Offers to lead her out.
SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
L. Fan. I dare not for the world, Sir Patient is now
. /ecp, and 'tis to those few Minutes we are oblig'd for
this Enjoyment, which shou'd Love make us transgress,
and he shou'd wake and surprize us, we are undone for
ever : no, let us employ this little time we have in con
sulting how we may be often happy, and securely so :
Oh, how I languish for the dear opportunity !
Wit. And cou'd you guess what Torments I have
suffered in these few fatal Months that have divided us,
thou wou'dst pity me.
L. Fan. But to our Business ; for though I am yet un
suspected by my Husband, I am eternally plagu'd with his
Company ; he's so fond of me, he scarce gives me time
to write to thee, he waits on me from room to room,
hands me in the Garden, shoulders me in the Balcony,
nay, does the office of my Women, dresses and undresses
me, and does so smirk at his handy work: In fine, dear
Wittmore^ I am impatient till I can have less of his Com
pany, and more of thine.
Wit. Does he never go out of Town ?
L. Fan. Never without me.
Wit. N.or to Chuch ?
L. Fan. To a Meeting-house you mean, and then too
carries me, and is as vainly proud of me as of his rebel
lious Opinion, for his Religion means nothing but that,
and Contradiction ; which I seem to like too, since 'tis
the best Cloke I can put on to cheat him with.
Wit. Right, my fair Hypocrite.
L. Fan. But, dear Wittmore, there's nothing so comical
as to hear me cant, and even cheat those Knaves, the
Preachers themselves, that delude the ignorant Rabble.
Wit. What Miracles cannot your Eyes and Tongue
perform !
L. Fan. Judge what a fine Life I lead the while, to be
set up with an old formal doting sick Husband, and a Herd
of snivelling grinning Hypocrites, that call themselves
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 27
the teaching Saints; who under pretence of securing me
to the number of their Flock, do so sneer upon me, pat
my Breasts, and cry fie, fie upon this fashion of tempting
Nakedness. [Through the Nose.
Wit. Dear Creature, how cou'd we laugh at thy new
way of living, had we but some Minutes allow'd us to
enjoy that Pleasure alone.
L. Fan. Think, dear Wittmore, think, Maundy and I
have thought over all our Devices to no purpose.
Wit. Pox on't, I'm the dullest dog at plotting, thinking,
in the world ; I should have made a damnable ill Town
Poet : Has he quite left off going to the Change ?
L. Fan. Oh, he's grown cautiously rich, and will venture
none of his substantial Stock in transitory Traffick.
Wit. Has he no mutinous Cabal, nor Coffee-houses,
where he goes religiously to consult the Welfare of the
Nation ?
L. Fan. His imagin'd Sickness has made this their
Rendesvouz.
Wit. When he goes to his blind Devotion, cannot you
pretend to be sick ? that may give us at least two or three
opportunities to begin with.
L. Fan. Oh ! then I should be plagu'd with continual
Physick and Extempore Prayer till I were sick indeed.
Wit. Damn the humorous Coxcomb and all his Family,
what shall we do ?
L. Fan. Not all, for he has a Daughter that has good
Humour, Wit, and Beauty enough to save her, stay
that has jogg'd a Thought, as the Learned say, which
must jog on, till the motion have produc'd something worth
my thinking.
Enter Roger running.
Maun. Ad's me, here's danger near, our Scout comes
in such haste.
L.Fan. Roger, what's the matter?
28 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
Rog. My Master, Madam, is risen from sleep, and is
come in to the Garden. See, Madam, he's here.
L. Fan. What an unlucky Accident was this?
Wit. What shall I do, 'tis too late to obscure my self?
L. Fan. He sees you already, through the Trees, here
keep your distance, your Hat under your Arm ; so, be
very ceremonious, whilst I settle a demure Countenance.
Maun. Well, there never came good of Lovers that were
given to too much talking; had you been silently kind all
this while, you had been willing to have parted by this time.
Enter Sir Patient in a Night-Gown^ reading a Bill.
Sir Pat. Hum, Twelve Purges for this present January
as I take it, good Mr. Doctor, I took but Ten in all
December. By this Rule I am sicker this Month, than
I was the last. And, good Master Apothecary, methinks
your Prizes are somewhat too high : at this rate no body
wou'd be sick. Here, Roger, see it paid however, Ha,
hum. [Sees Vw, and starts back.~\ What's here, my Lady
Wife entertaining a leud Fellow of the Town? a flaunting
Cap and Feather Blade.
L. Fan. Sir Patient cannot now be spoken with. But,
Sir, that which I was going just now to say to you, was,
that it would be very convenient in my opinion to make
your Addresses to Isabella^ 'twill give us opportunities.
[//5/Wr.] We Ladies love no Imposition; this is Counsel
my Husband perhaps will not like, but I would have all
Women chuse their Man, as I have done, my dear
Wittmore. \Aside.
Sir Pat. I profess ingenuously an excellent good Lady
this of mine, though I do not like her Counsel to the
young Man, who I perceive would be a Suitor to my
Daughter Isabella.
Wit. Madam, should I follow my inclinations, I should
pay my Vows no where but there, but I am inform'd
Sir Patient is a Man so positively resolv'd.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY . 29
L. Fan. That you should love his Wife. [Aside.
Wit. And I'll comply with that Resolve of his, and
neither love nor marry Isabella, without his Permission ;
and I doubt not but I shall by my Respects to him gain
his Consent, to cuckold him. [Aside.
Sir Pat. I profess ingenuously, a very discreet young
Man.
Wit. But, Madam, when may I promise my self the
satisfaction of coming again ? For I'm impatient for the
Sight and Enjoyment of the fair Person I love.
L. Fan. Sir, you may come at night, and something I
will do by that time shall certainly give you that access
you wish for.
Wit. May I depend upon that Happiness?
L. Fan. Oh, doubt not my power over Sir Patient.
Sir Pat. My Lady Fancy , you promise largely.
L. Fan. Sir Patient here !
Wit. A Devil on him, wou'd I were well off: now
must I dissemble, profess, and lye most confoundedly.
Sir Pat. Your Servant, Sir, your Servant. My Lady
Fancy, your Ladyship, is well entertain'd I see; have a
care you make me not jealous, my Lady Fancy.
L. Fan. Indeed I have given you cause, Sir Patient, for
I have been entertaining a Lover, and one you must admit
of too.
Sir Pat. Say you so, my Lady Fancy ? Well, Sir, I am
a Man of Reason, and if you shew me good causes why,
can bid you welcome, for I do nothing without Reason
and Precaution.
Wit. Sir, I have
Sir Pat. I know what you wou'd say, Sir ; few Words
denoteth a Wise Head, you wou'd say that you have
an Ambition to be my Son-in-Law.
Wit. You guess most right, Sir.
Sir Pat. Nay, Sir, I'll warrant I'll read a Man as well
as the best, I have studied it.
30 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
Wit. Now, Invention, help me or never.
Sir Pat. Your Name, I pray?
[Putting off 'bis Hat gravely at every Word.
Wit. Fain love, Sir.
Sir Pat. Good Mr. Fainlove, your Country ?
Wit. Yorkshire, Sir.
Sir Pat. What, not Mr. Fainlovis Son of Yorkshire,
who was knighted in the good days of the late Lord
Protector ? [ Off his Hat.
Wit. The same, Sir. I am in, but how to come off
again the Devil take me if I know. [Aside.
Sir Pat. He was a Man of admirable parts, believe me,
a notable Head piece, a publick-spirited Person, and a good
Commonwealths-man, that he was, on my word. Your
Estate, Sir, I pray? [Hat off.
Wit. I have not impaired it, Sir, and I presume you
know its value : For I am a Dog if I do. [Aside.
Sir Pat. O' my Word, 'tis then considerable, Sir; for
he left but one Son, and fourteen hundred Pounds per
Annum, as I take it : which Son, I hear, is lately come
from Geneva, whither he was sent for virtuous Education.
I am glad of your Arrival, Sir. Your Religion, I pray ?
Wit. You cannot doubt my Principles, Sir, since
educated at Geneva.
Sir Pat. Your Father was a discreet Man: ah, Mr.
Fain love, he and I have seen better days, and wish we
cou'd have foreseen these that are arriv'd.
Wit. That he might have turn'd honest in time, he
means, before he had purchased Bishops Lands.
Sir Pat. Sir, you have no Place, Office, Dependance
or Attendance at Court, I hope ?
Wit. None, Sir, Wou'd I had so you were hang'd.
[Aside.
L. Fan. Nay, Sir, you may believe, I knew his Capaci
ties and Abilities before I would encourage his Addresses.
Sir Pat. My Lady Fancy, you are a discreet Lady;
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 31
Well, I'll marry her out of hand, to prevent Mr. Lodwick's
hopes : for though the young man may deserve well, that
Mother of his I'll have nothing to do with, since she
refused to marry my Nephew. [Aside.
Enter Fanny.
Fan. Sir Father, here's my Lady Knowcll, and her
Family come to see you.
Sir Pat. How ! her whole Family ! I am come to keep
open House; very fine, her whole Family! she's Plague
enough to mortify any good Christian, Tell her, my
Lady and I am gone forth ; tell her any thing to keep
her away.
Fan. Shou'd I tell a lye, Sir Father, and to a Lady of
her Quality ?
Sir Pat. Her Quality and she are a Couple of Imperti
nent things, which are very troublesome, and not to be
indur'd I take it.
Fan. Sir, we shou'd bear with things we do not love
sometimes, 'tis a sort of Trial, Sir, a kind of Mortification
fit for a good Christian.
Sir Pat. Why, what a notable talking Baggage is this !
How came you by this Doctrine ?
Fan. I remember, Sir, you preach'd it once to my
Sister, when the old Alderman was the Text, whom you
exhorted her to marry, but the wicked Creature made ill
use on't.
Sir Pat. Go your way for a prating Huswife, go, and
call your Sister hither. [Exit Fanny.] Well, I'm resolv'd
to leave this Town, nay, and the World too, rather than
be tormented thus.
L. Fan. What's the matter, Dear, thou dost so fret thy
self?
Sir Pat. The matter ! my House, my House is besieged
with Impertinence; the intolerable Lady, Madam Romance,
that walking Library of profane Books is come to visit me.
32 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
L. Fan. My Lady Know ell?
SirPrt/. Yes, that Lady of eternal Noise and hard
Words.
L. Fan. Indeed 'tis with pain I am oblig'd to be civil
to her, but I consider her Quality, her Husband was too
an Alderman, your Friend, and a great Ay and No Man
i' th' City, and a painful Promoter of the good Cause.
Sir Pat. But she's a Fop, my Lady Fancy, and ever was
so, an idle conceited she Fop ; and has Vanity and Tongue
enough to debauch any Nation under civil Government :
but, Patience, thou art a Virtue, and Affliction will come.
Ah, I'm very sick, alas, I have not long to dwell
amongst the Wicked, Oh, oh. Roger ',is the Doctor come?
Enter Roger.
Rog. No, Sir, but he has sent you a small draught of
a Pint, which you are to take, and move upon't.
Sir Pat. Ah, Well, I'll in and take it ; Ah Sir, I
crave your Patience for a moment, for I design you shall
see my Daughter, I'll not make long work on't, Sir : alas,
I would dispose of her before I die : Ah, I'll bring her
to you, Sir, Ah, Ah. [Goes out with Roger.
L. Fan. He's always thus when visited, to save Charges,
But how, dear Wittmore, cam'st thou to think of a
Name and Country so readily ?
Wit. Egad, I was at the height of my Invention, and
the Alderman civilly and kindly assisted me with the
rest; but how to undeceive him
L. Fan. Take no care for that, in the mean time you'll
be shreudly hurt to have the way laid open to our Enjoy
ment, and that by my Husband's procurement too : But
take heed, dear Wittmore^ whilst you only design to feign
a Courtship, you do it not in good earnest.
Wit. Unkind Creature !
L. Fan. I would not have you endanger her Heart
neither : for thou hast Charms will do't. Prithee do not
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 33
put on thy best Looks, nor speak thy softest Language ;
for if thou dost, thou canst not fail to undo her.
Wit. Well, my pretty Flatterer, to free her Heart and
thy Suspicions, I'll make such aukward Love as shall per
suade her, however she chance to like my Person, to
think most leudly of my Parts. But 'tis fit I take my
leave, for if Lodwick or Leander see me here, all will be
ruin'd ; death, I had forgot that.
L. Fan. Leander^s seldom at home, and you must time
your Visits: but see Sir Patient's return'd, and with him
your new Mistress.
Enter Sir Patient and Isabella.
Sir Pat. Here's my Daughter Isabella^ Mr. Fainlove :
she'll serve for a Wife, Sir, as times go ; but I hope you
are none of those. Sweet-heart, this Gentleman I have
design'd you, he's rich and young, and I am old and sickly,
and just going out of the World, and would gladly see
thee in safe Hands.
Maun. He has been just going this twenty Years.
[Aside.
Sir Pat. Therefore I command you to receive the
tenders of his Affection.
Enter Fanny.
Fan. Sir Father, my Lady KnoweWs in the Garden.
L. Fan. My Dear, we must go meet her in decency.
Sir Pat. A hard case, a Man cannot be sick in quiet.
[Exit with L. Fan.
hab. A Husband, and that not Lodwick! Heaven forbid.
[Aside.
Wit. Now Foppery assist to make me very ridiculous,
Death, she's very pretty and inviting ; what an insensible
Dog shall I be counted to refuse the Enjoyment of so fair,
so new a Creature, and who is like to be thrown into my
Arms too whether I will or not? but Conscience and
IV D
34 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
my Vows to the fair Mother : No, I will be honest.
Madam, as Gad shall save me, I'm the Son of a Whore,
if you are not the most Belle Person I ever saw, and if I
be not damnably in love with you ; but a pox take all
tedious Courtship, I have a free-born and generous Spirit;
and as I hate being confln'd to dull Cringing, Whining,
Flattering, and the Devil and all of Foppery, so when I
give an Heart, I'm an Infidel, Madam, if I do not love to
do't frankly and quickly, that thereby I may oblige the
beautiful Receiver of my Vows, Protestations, Passions,
and Inclination.
hab. You're wonderful ingaging, Sir, and I were an
Ingrate not to facilitate a return for the Honour you are
pleas'd to do me.
Wit. Upon my Reputation, Madam, you're a civil
well-bred Person, you have all the Agreemony of your
Sex, la belle Taille, la bonne Mine, & Repartee^ bien, and
are tout oure toore, as I'm a Gentleman, fort agreeable.
If this do not please your Lady, and nauseate her, the
Devil's in 'em both for unreasonable Women.
[To Maun.
Fan. Gemini, Sister, does the Gentleman conjure?
Isab. I know not, but I'm sure I never saw a more
affected Fop.
Maun. O, a damnable impertinent Fop ! 'tis pity, for
he's a proper Gentleman.
Wit. Well, if I do hold out, Egad, I shall be the bravest
young Fellow in Christendom : Rut, Madam, I mustjcjss-
yoyjLHandat present, J^have some Visits to ma1ce7"nevoirs
to pay, necessities of Gallantry only, no Love Engage
ments, by Jove, Madam ; it is sufficient I have given my
Parole to your Father, to do him the honour of my Alli
ance; and an unnecessary Jealousy will but disoblige,
Madam, your Slave. Death, these Rogues see me, and
I'm undone. [Exit.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 35
Enter Lady Fancy, Lady Knowell, Sir Credulous and
Lucretia, with other Women and Men, Roger attending.
L. Kno. Isabella, your Servant, Madam: being sensible
of the insociable and solitary Life you lead, I have brought
my whole Family to wait on your Ladyship, and this my
Son in Future, to kiss your Hands, I beseech your Ladyship
to know him for your humble Servant : my Son and your
Nephew, Madam, are coming with the Musick too, we
mean to pass the whole Day with your Ladyship : and
see they are here.
Enter Lodwick pulling in Wittmore, Leander with them.
Lod. Nay, since we have met thee so luckily, you must
back with us.
Wit. You must excuse me, Gentlemen.
Lod. We'll shew you two or three fine Women.
Wit. Death, these Rogues will ruin me but I have
Business, Gentlemen, that
Lean. That must not hinder you from doing Deeds of
Charity : we are all come to teeze my Uncle, and you
must assist at so good a Work ; come, gad, thou shalt make
love to my Aunt. I wou'd he wou'd effectually. \Aside.
Lod. Now I think on't, what the Devil dost thou make
here?
Wit. Here! oh, Sir a I have a design upon the
Alderman.
Lod. Upon his handsome Wife thou meanest; ah,
Rogue !
Wit. Faith, no, a 'tis to borrow Mony of him ;
and as I take it, Gentlemen, you are not fit Persons for a
Man of Credit to be seen with, I pass for a graver Man.
Lod. Well, Sir, take your Course but, egad, he'll
sooner lend thee his Wife than his Money.
[Exit Wittmore, they come in.
Lean. Aunt, I have taken the boldness to bring a Gentle
man of my Acquaintance to kiss your Ladyship's Hands.
36 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
Lod. Thy Aunt ! death, she's very handsome.
Madam, your most humble Servant. [Kisses the L. Fan.
Lean. Prithee imploy this Fool, that I may have an
opportunity to entertain thy Sister.
Lod. Sir Credulous, what, not a Word? not a Compli
ment? Hah, be brisk, Man, be gay and witty, talk to
the Ladies.
Sir Crcd. Talk to 'em ! why, what shall I say to 'em ?
Lod. Any thing, so it be to little purpose.
Sir Cred. Nay, Sir, let me alone for that matter but
who are they, prithee ?
Lod. Why, that's my Lady Fancy, and that's her
Daughter-in-Law, salute 'em, Man.
Sir Cred. Fair Lady, I do protest and vow, you are
the most beautiful of all Mothers-in-Law, and the World
cannot produce your equal.
Lod. The Rogue has but one method for all Addresses.
[They laugh.
L. Kno. Oh, absurd ! this, Sir, is the beautiful Mother-
in- Law. [To L. Fan.
Enter Sir Patient.
Sir Cred. Most noble Lady, I cry your mercy. Then,
Madam, as the Sun amongst the Stars, or rather as the
Moon not in conjunction with the Sun, but in her opposi
tion, when one rises the other sets, or as the Vulgar call it,
Full Moon I say, as the Moon is the most beautiful of all
the sparkling Lights, even soareyou the most accomplish'd
Lady under the Moon and, Madam, I am extremely
sensible of your Charms and celestial Graces. [To Isabella.
Sir Pat. Why, this is abominable and insupportable.
Lucr. I find, Sir, you can talk to purpose when you
begin once.
Sir Cred. You are pleased to say so, noble Lady : but
I must needs say, I am not the worst bred Gentleman for
a Country Gentleman that ever you saw ; for you must
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 37
know, incomparable Lady, that I was at the University
three Years, and there I learnt my Logick and Rhetorick,
whereby I became excellent at Repartee, sweet Lady. As
for my Estate, my Father died since I came of Age, and
left me a small younger Brother's Portion, dear Lady.
Lucr. A younger Brother's, Sir?
Sir Cred. Ha, ha, I know what you would infer from
that now : but you must know, delicious Lady, that I am
all the Children my Father had.
Lucr. Witty, I protest.
Sir Cred. Nay, Madam, when I set on't I can be witty.
Lean. Cruel Lucretia, leave 'em, and let us snatch this
opportunity to talk of our own Affairs.
Sir Cred. For you must know, bright Lady, though I
was pleas'd to railly my self, I have a pretty competent
Estate of about 3OOO/. a Year, and am to marry Madam
Lucretia.
L. Fan. You are a happy Man, Sir.
Sir Cred. Not so happy neither, inestimable Lady, for
I lost the finest Mare yesterday, but let that pass : were
you never in Devonshire, Madam ?
L. Fan. Never, Sir.
Sir Cred. In troth, and that's pity, sweet Lady ; for if
you lov'd Hawking, Drinking, and Whoring, oh, Lord,
I mean Hunting; i'faith, there be good Fellows would
keep you Company, Madam.
Sir Pat. This is a Plot upon me, a mere Plot. My
Lady Fancy, be tender of my Reputation, Foppery's catch
ing, and I had as lieve be a Cuckold as Husband to a vain
Woman.
Sir Cred. Zoz, and that may be as you say, noble Sir.
Lady, pray what Gentleman's this? Noble Sir, I am
your most humble Servant.
Sir Pat. Oh, cry your mercy, Sir. \_Walks away.
Sir Cred. No Offence, dear Sir, I protest : 'slife, I be
lieve 'tis the Master of the House, he look'd with such
38 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
Authority ; why, who cares, let him look as big as the
four Winds, East, West, North and South, I care not this,
therefore I beg your Pardon, noble Sir.
Sir Pat. Pray spare your Hat and Legs, Sir, till you
come to Court, they are thrown away i'th' City.
Sir Cred. O Lord ! dear Sir, 'tis all one for that, I value
not a Leg nor an Arm amongst Friends, I am a Devon
shire Knight, Sir, all the World knows, a kind of Country
Gentleman, as they say, and am come to Town, to marry
my Lady KnowelTs Daughter.
Sir Pat. I'm glad on't, Sir. \_Walh away, he follows.
Sir Cred. She's a deserving Lady, Sir, if I have any
Judgment; and I think I understand a Lady, Sir, in the
Right Honourable way of Matrimony.
Sir Pat. Well, Sir, that is to say, you have been married
before, Sir ; and what's all this to me, good Sir ?
Sir Cred. Married before ! incomparable, Sir ! not so
neither, foi there's difference in Men, Sir.
Sir Pat. Right, Sir, for some are Wits, and some are
Fools.
Sir Cred. As I hope to breathe, 'twas a saying of my
Grandmother's, who us'd to tell me, Sir, that bought Wit
was best. I have brought Money to Town for a small
purchase of that kind ; for, Sir, I wou'd fain set up for a
Country Wit. Pray, Sir, where live the Poets, for I
wou'd fain be acquainted with some of them.
Sir Pat. Sir, I do not know, nor do I care for Wits
and Poets. Oh, this will kill me quite; I'll out of Town
immediately.
Sir Cred. But, Sir, I mean your fine railing Bully Wits,
that have Vinegar, Gall and Arsenick in 'em, as well as
Salt and Flame, and Fire, and the Devil and all.
Sir Pat. Oh, defend me ! and what is all this to me, Sir ?
Sir Cred. Oh, Sir, they are the very Soul of Entertain
ment ; and, Sir, it is the prettiest sport to hear 'em rail
and baul at one another Zoz, wou'd I were a Poet.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 39
Sir Pat. I wish you were, since you are so fond of being
rail'd at. If I were able to beat him, I would be much
angry, but Patience is a Virtue, and I will into the
Country. [Aside.
Sir Cred. 'Tis all one case to me, dear Sir, but I
should have the pleasure of railing again, cum privilegio ,
I love fighting with those pointless Weapons. Zoz, Sir,
you know if we Men of Quality fall out (for you are a
Knight I take it) why, there comes a Challenge upon it,
and ten to one some body or other is run through the
Gills ; why, a Pox on't, I say, this is very damnable, give
me Poet's Licence.
L. Fan. Take him off in pity. \_To Leander.
Lod. Indeed Railing is a Coin only current among the
Poets, Sir Credulous.
Sir Pat. Oh blest Deliverance ! what a profane Wretch
is here, and what a leud World we live in Oh London,
London, how thou aboundest in Iniquity ! thy young Men
are debauch'd, thy Virgins defloured, and thy Matrons all
turn'd Bauds ! My Lady Fancy, this is not Company for
you, I take it, let us fly from this vexation of Spirit, on
the never-failing Wings of Discretion.
\_Going to lead Lady Fancy of, the Lady Knowell
speaking to Isabella all this while.
L. Kno. How ! marry thee to such a Fop, say'st thou ?
Oh egregious ! as thou lovest Lodwick, let him not know
his Name, it will be dangerous, let me alone to evade it.
Isab. I know his fiery Temper too well to trust him
with the secret.
L. Kno. Hark ye, Sir, and do you intend to do this
horrible thing?
Sir Pat. What thing, my Lady Knowell?
L. Kno. Why, to marry your Daughter, Sir.
Sir Pat. Yes, Madam.
L. Kno. To a beastly Town Fool ? Monstrum horren-
dum!
4O SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
Sir Pat. To any Fool, except a Fool of your Race, of
your Generation.
L. Kno. How ! a Fool of my Race, my Generation !
I know thou meanest my Son, thou contumelious Knight,
who, let me tell thee, shall marry thy Daughter invito te,
that is, (to inform thy obtuse Understanding) in spite of
thee ; yes, shall marry her, though she inherits nothing
but thy dull Enthusiasms, which had she been legitimate
she had been possest with.
Sir Pat. Oh abominable ! you had best say she is none
of my Daughter, and that I was a Cuckold.
L. Kno. If I should, Sir, it would not amount to Scan-
dalum Magnatum : I'll tell thee more, thy whole Pedigree,
and yet for all this, Lodwick shall marry your Daughter,
and yet I'll have none of your Nephew.
Sir Pat. Shall he so, my Lady Knowell? I shall go near
to out-trick your Ladyship, for all your politick Learning.
'Tis past the Canonical Hour, as they call it, or I wou'd
marry my Daughter instantly ; I profess we ne'er had good
days since these Canonical Fopperies came up again, mere
Popish Tricks to give our Children time for Disobedience,
the next Justice wou'd ha' serv'd turn, and have done
the Business at any Hour : but Patience is a Virtue
Roger , go after Mr. Fainlove, and tell him I wou'd speak
with him instantly. [Exit Roger.
L. Kno. Come, come, Ladies, we lose fleeting time,
upon my Honour, we do ; for, Madam, as I said, I have
brought the Fiddles, and design to sacrifice the intire
Evening to your Ladyship's Diversion.
Sir Cred. Incomparable Lady, that was well thought
on ; Zoz, I long to be jigging.
Sir Pat. Fiddles, good Lord ! why, what am I come
to ? Madam, I take it, Sir Patient Fancy 9 s Lady is not a
proper Person to make one at immodest Revellings, and
profane Masqueradings.
L. Fan. Why ; ah, 'tis very true, Sir, but we ought
sc. n] SIR PATIENT FANCY 41
not to offend a Brother that is weak, and consequently,
a Sister.
Sir Pat. An^excellent Lady this, but sji_jriay be cor^.
rupted, ah, she_maytall ; ijyiii jhereforc y/jthnnf
J^T _
~"L. Kno. Come, come, Gentlemen, let's in ; Mr. Fancy,
you must be my Man; Sir Credulous, come, and you,
sweet Sir, come, Ladies, Nunc est saltandum,kc. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. Changes to a Chamber.
Enter Sir Patient as before, Lady Fancy, Wittmore,
Maundy, and Roger with things.
Sir Pat. Maundy, fetch my Clothes, I'll dress me and
out of Town instantly, persuade me not. [To Wit.
Roger, is the Coach ready, Roger ?
Rag. Yes, Sir, with four Horses.
L. Fan. Out of Town ! Oh, I'm undone then, there
will be no hopes of ever seeing Wittmore. [Aside.~\
Maundy, oh, help me to contrive my stay, or I'm a dead
Woman. Sir, sure you cannot go and leave your Affairs
in Town.
Sir Pat. Affairs! what Affairs?
L. Fan. Why, your Daughter's Marriage, Sir : and
Sir, not, Sir, but that I desire of all thingsin the World
the Blessing of being alone with you, far from the Noise
and leud Disorders of this filthy Town.
Sir Pat. Most excellent Woman ! ah, thou art too good
for sinful Man, and I will therefore remove thee from the
Temptations of it. Maundy, my Clothes Mr. Fain-
love, I will leave Isabella with my Lady Fidget, my Sister,
who shall to morrow see you married, to prevent farther
Inconveniences.
L.Fan. What shall I do?
Maun. Madam, I have a Design, which considering his
Spleen, must this time do our Business, 'tis [ Whispers.
42 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT n
L. Fan. I like it well, about it instantly, hah
[Ex. Maundy.
Alas, Sir, what ails your Face? good Heaven, look,
Roger.
Sir Pat. My Face ! why, what ails my Face? hah !
L. Fan. See, Mr. Fainlove, oh, look on my Dear, is he
not strangely alter'd ?
Wit. Most wonderfully.
Sir Pat. Alter'd, hah why, where, why, how alter'd ?
hah, alter'd say you?
Wit. Lord, how wildly he stares !
Sir Pat. Hah, stare wildly !
Rog. Are you not very sick, Sir?
L. Fan. Sick ! oh, Heavens forbid ! How does my
dearest Love ?
Sir Pat. Methinks I feel myself not well o'th' sudden
ah a kind of shivering seizes all my Limbs, and am
I so much chang'd ?
Wit. All over, Sir, as big again as you were.
L. Fan. Your Face is frightfully blown up, and your
dear Eyes just starting from your Head ; oh, I shall sound
with the apprehension on't. [Falls into Wittmore's Arms.
Sir Pat. My Head and Eyes so big, say you: oh, I'm
wondrous sick o'th' sudden, all over say you oh, oh
Ay, I perceive it now, my Senses fail me too.
L. Fan. How, Sir, your Senses fail you?
Wit. That's a very bad sign, believe me.
Sir Pat. Oh, ay, for I can neither feel nor see this
mighty growth you speak of.
[Falls into a Cbair y with great signs of Disorder.
Wit. Alas, I'm sorry for that, Sir.
Rog. Sure, 'tis impossible, I'll run and fetch a Glass, Sir.
[Offers to go.
L. Fan. Oh, stay, I wou'd not for the world he should
see what a Monster he is, and is like to be before to
morrow. [Aside.
sc. n] SIR PATIENT FANCY 43
Rog. I'll fit him with a Glass, I'll warrant ye, it shall
advance our Design. [Exit Roger.
Enter Maundy with the Clothes, she starts.
Maun. Good Heaven, what ails you, Sir ?
Sir Pat. Oh oh 'tis so.
Maun. Lord, how he's swoln ! see how his Stomach
struts.
Sir Pat. Ah, 'tis true, though I perceive it not.
Maun. Not perceive it, Sir ! put on your Clothes and
be convinc'd, try 'em, Sir.
[She pulls off his Gown, and puts on his Doublet and
Coat, which come not near by a handful or more.
Sir Pat. Ah, it needs not, mercy upon me !
[Falls back.
I'm lost, I'm gone ! Oh Man, what art thou but a
Flower? I am poison'd, this talking Lady's Breath's
infectious ; methought I felt the Contagion steal into my
Heart ; send for my Physicians, and if I die I'll swear she's
my Murderer : oh, see, see, how my trembling increases,
oh, hold my Limbs, I die.
Enter Roger with a magnifying Glass, shews him the
Glass ; he looks in it.
Rog. I'll warrant I'll shew his Face as big as a Bushel.
[Aside.
Sir Pat. Oh, oh, I'm a dead Man, have me to Bed,
I die away, undress me instantly, send for my Physicians,
I'm poison'd, my Bowels burn, I have within an /Etna,
my Brains run round, Nature within me reels.
[ They carry him out in a Chair.
Wit. And all the drunken Universe does run on Wheels,
ha, ha, ha.
Ah, my dear Creature, how finely thou hast brought him
to his Journy's end !
L. Fan. There was no other way but this to have secur'd
my Happiness with thee ; there needs no more than that
44 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in
you come anon to the Garden Back-gate, where you shall
find admittance ; Sir Patient is like to lie alone to night.
Wit. Till then 'twill be a thousand Ages.
L. Fan. At Games of Love Husbands to cheat is fair,
'Tis the Gallant we play with on the square.
\_Exeunt severally.
ACT III.
SCENE I.
Scene draws off to a room in Sir Patient Fancy's house, and
discovers Lady Knowell, Isabella, Lucretia, Lodwick,
Leander, Wittmore, Sir Credulous, other Men
and Women, as going to dance.
L. Kno. Come, one Dance more, and then I think we
shall have sufficiently teaz'd the Alderman, and 'twill be
time to part. Sir Credulous, where's your Mistress?
Sir Cred. Within a Mile of an Oak, dear Madam, I'll
warrant you. Well, I protest and vow, sweet Lady, you
dance most nobly, Why, you dance like like a like
a hasty Pudding, before Jove.
[ They dance some Antick, or Rustick Antick. Lodwick
speaking to Isabella.
SONG made by a Gentleman.
Sitting by yonder River side,
Parthenia thus to Cloe cry'd,
Whilst from the fair Nymph's Eyes apace
Another Stream o*er-flow d her beauteous Face ;
Ah happy Nymph, said she, that can
So little value that false Creature, Man.
Oft the perfidious things will cry,
Alas they burn, they bleed, they die ,
But if they're absent half a Day,
Nay, let J em be but one poor Hour away,
No more they die, no more complain,
But like unconstant Wretches live again.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 45
Lod. Well, have you consider'd of that Business yet,
Isabella ?
Isab. What business?
Lod. Of giving me admittance to night.
Isab. And may I trust your honesty ?
Lod. Oh, doubt me not, my mother's resolv'd it shall
be a match between you and I, and that very consideration
will secure thee : besides, who would first sully the Linen
they mean to put on ?
Isab. Away, here's my Mother.
Enter Lady Fancy and Maundy.
L. Fan. Madam, I beg your pardon for my absence, the
effects of my Obedience, not Will ; but Sir Patient is taken
very ill o'th' sudden, and I must humbly intreat your Lady
ship to retire, for Rest is only essential to his Recovery.
L. Kno. Congruously spoken, upon my Honour. Oh,
the impudence of this Fellow your Ladyship's Husband,
to espouse so fair a Person only to make a Nurse of!
L. Fan. Alas, Madam !
L. Kno. A Slave, a very Houshold Drudge. Oh,
faugh, come never grieve ; for, Madam, his Disease is
nothing but Imagination, a Melancholy which arises from
the Liver, Spleen, and Membrane call'd Mesenterium ', the
Arabians name the Distemper Myrathial, and we here in
England^ Hypochondriacal Melancholy ; I cou'd prescribe a
most potent Remedy, but that I am loth to stir the Envy
of the College.
L. Fan. Really, Madam, I believe
L. Knc. But as you say, Madam, we'll leave him to his
Repose; pray do not grieve too much.
Lod. Death ! wou'd I had the consoling her, 'tis a
charming Woman !
L. Kno. Mr. Fancy^ your Hand ; Madam, your most
faithful Servant. Lucrctia, come, Lucretia. Your Ser
vant, Ladies and Gentleman.
46 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in
L. Fan. A Devil on her, wou'd the Nimbleness of her
Ladyship's Tongue were in her Heels, she wou'd make
more haste away : oh, I long for the blest minute.
Lod. Isabella^ shall I find admittance anon ?
Isab. On fair Conditions.
Lod. Trust my Generosity. Madam, your Slave. [Ex.
[To L. Fan. gazing on her, goes out.
Sir Cred. Madam, I wou'd say something of your
Charms and celestial Graces, but that all Praises are as far
below you, as the Moon in her Opposition is below the
Sun ; and so, luscious Lady, I am yours : Now for my
Serenade [Ex. all but L. Fan. and Maundy.
L. Fan. Maundy^ have you commanded all the Servants
to bed ?
Maun. Yes, Madam, not a Mouse shall stir, and I
have made ready the Chamber next the Garden for your
Ladyship.
L. Fan. Then there needs no more but that you wait
for Wittmoris coming to the Garden-Gate, and take care
no Lights be in the House for fear of Eyes.
Maun. Madam, I understand Lovers are best by dark,
and shall be diligent : the Doctor has secur'd Sir Patient
by a sleeping Pill, and you are only to expect your ap
proaching Happiness. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. Lady Knowell's Chamber.
Enter Lady Knowell and Leander.
L. Kno. Leander^ raise your Soul above that little trifle
Lucretia ; cannot you guess what better Fate attends you?
fy, how dull you are ! must I instruct you in plain right-
down Terms? and tell you, that I propose you Master
of my Fortune. Now possibly you understand me.
Enter Lucretia, and peeps.
Lean. I wish I did not, Madam,
Unless I'd Virtue to deserve the Bounty ;
sc. n] SIR PATIENT FANCY 47
I have a thousand Faults Dissimulation hides,
Inconstant, wild, debauch'd as Youth can make me.
Lucr. All that will not do your Business. [Aside.
L. Kno. Yet you wou'd have my Daughter take you with
all these Faults ; they're Virtues there, but to the name
of Mother, they all turn retrograde : I can endure a Man
As wild and as inconstant as she can ;
I have a Fortune too that can support that Humour,
That of Lucretia does depend on me,
And when I please is nothing ;
I'm far from Age or Wrinkles, can be courted
By Men, as gay and youthful as a new Summer's Morn,
Beauteous as the first Blossoms of the Spring,
Before the common Sun has kiss'd their Sweets away,
If with salacious Appetites I lov'd.
Lean. Faith, Madam, I cou'd wish
L. Kno. That I were but Fifteen : but
If there be inequality in Years,
There is so too in Fortunes, that might add
A Lustre to my Eyes, Charms to my Person,
And make me fair as Venus , young as Hebe.
Lean. Madam, you have enough to engage any uncon-
quer'd Heart ; but 'twas, I thought, with your allowance
I dispos'd of mine, and 'tis a Heart that knows not how
to change.
L. Kno. Then 'tis a foolish unambitious Heart, un
worthy of the Elevation it has not glorious Pride enough
to aim at : Farewel, Sir, when you are wiser, you may
find admittance. [Goes out.
Lean. Stay, Madam
Enter Lucretia.
Lucr. For what ? to hear your Penitence ! Forgive me,
Madam, I will be a Villain, forget my Vows of Love,
made to Lucretia.
And sacrifice both her, and those to Interest.
Oh, how I hate this whining and dissembling!
48 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in
Lean. Do, triumph o'er a wretched Man, Lucretla.
Lucr. How ! wretched in loving me so entirely, or that
you cannot marry my Mother, and be Master of her mighty
Fortune ? 'Tis a Temptation indeed so between Love and
Interest, hang me if ever I saw so simple a Look as you
put on when my Mother made love to you.
Lean. You may easily guess the Confusion of a Man in
my Circumstances, to be languishing for the lov'd Daugh
ter, and pursu'd by the hated Mother, whom if I refuse
will ruin all my hopes of thee.
Lucr. Refuse her ! I hope you have more Wit.
Lean. Lucretia, cou'd she make a Monarch of me, I
cou'd not marry her.
Lucr. And you wou'd be so wise to tell her so ?
Lean. I wou'd no more abuse her, than I cou'd love
her.
Lucr. Yet that last must be done.
Lean. How !
Lucr. Dost believe me so wicked to think I mean in
earnest ? No, tell her a fine Story of Love and Liking,
gaze on her, kiss her Hands, and sigh, commend her Face
and Shape, swear she's the Miracle of the Age for Wit,
cry up her Learning, vow you were an Ass not to be
sensible of her Perfections all this while ; what a Coxcomb,
to doat upon the Daughter when such Charms were so
visible in the Mother? Faith, she'll believe all this.
Lean. It may be so, but what will all this serve for?
Lucr. To give us time and opportunity to deceive her,
or I'm mistaken.
Lean. I cannot teach my Tongue so much Deceit.
Lucr. You may be a Fool, and cry, Indeed forsooth I
cannot love, for alas I have lost my Heart, and am un
worthy of your proffer'd Blessings do, and see her marry
me in spite to this Fop Easy, this Knight of Nonsense :
no, no, dissemble me handsomely and like a Gentleman,
and then expect your good Fortune.
sc. iv] SIR PATIENT FANCY 49
Enter Antick.
Ant. Madam, your Mother's coming.
Lucr. Away then, she must not see us together, she
thinks you gone.
Lean. But must I carry off no Comfort with me?
Lucr. Will you expose me to the incens'd Jealousy of
a Parent? go, or I shall hate ye. [Thrusts him out.
SCENE III. A Garden.
Enter Maundy by dark : Opens the Garden-Door.
Maun. Now am I returned to my old Trade again,
fetch and carry my Lady's Lovers; I was afraid when
she had been married, these Night-works wou'd have
ended ; but to say truth, there's a Conscience to be used
in all things, and there's no reason she should languish
with an old Man when a Young Man may be had. The
Door opens, he's come.
Enter Lodwick.
I see you're a punctual Lover, Sir, pray follow me as
softly as you can.
Lod. This is some one whom I perceive Isabella has
made the Confident to our Amours. [Exeunt.
SCENE IV. Draws off, and discovers L. Fancy in her
Night-gown, in a Chamber as by the dark.
L. Fan. Oh, the agreeable Confusion of a Lover high
with expectation of the approaching Bliss! What Trem
blings between Joy and Fear possess me ? All my whole
Soul is taken up with IVittmore $ I've no Ideas, no Thoughts
but of Wittmore, and sure my Tongue can speak no other
Language, but his Name. Who's there ?
Enter Maundy leading Lodwick.
Maun. Madam, 'tis I, and your expected Lover here
I put him into your hands, and will wait your Com
mands in the next Chamber. [Exit Maun.
IV E
50 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in
Lod. Where are you, my dearest Creature ?
L. Fan. Here give me your Hand, I'll lead you to
those Joys we both so long have sigh'd for.
Lod. Hah ! to Joys ; sure she doth but dally with me.
[Aside.
L. Fan. Why come you not on, my dear ?
Lod. And yet, why this Admission, and i' th' dark too,
if she designed me none but virtuous Favours? What
damn'd Temptation's this?
L. Fan. Are you bewitch'd r what is't that frights you ?
Lod. I'm fix'd : Death, was ever such a Lover?
Just ready for the highest Joys of Love,
And like a bashful Girl restrain'd by Fear
Of an insuing Infamy I hate to cuckold my own Ex
pectations.
L. Fan. Heavens ! what can you mean ?
Lod. Death, what's this? sure 'tis not Virtue in me,
Pray Heaven it be not Impotence ! Where got I this
damn'd Honesty, which I never found my self master of
till now ! why shou'd it seize me when I had least
need on't ?
L. Fan. What ails you ? are you mad ? we are safe,
and free as Winds let loose to ruffle all the Groves ; what
is't delays you then ? Soft.
Lod. Pox o' this thought of Wife, the very Name
destroys my appetite.
Oh, with what Vigour I could deal my Love
To some fair leud unknown,
To whom I'd never made a serious Vow !
L. Fan. Tell me the Mystery of this sudden Coldness :
have I kept my Husband in Town for this ? Nay, persuaded
him to be very sick to serve our purpose, and am I thus
rewarded ungrateful Man !
Lod. Hah, 'tis not Isabella's Voice, your Husband,
say you ? [ Takes bold greedily of her Hand.
L. Fan. Is safe, from any fear of interrupting us.
sc. v] SIR PATIENT FANCY 51
Come these Delays do ill consist with Love
And our Desires; at least if they are equal.
Lod. Death, 'tis the charming Mother !
What lucky Star directed me to night ?
O my fair Dissembler, let us haste
To pay the mighty Tributes due to Love.
L. Fan. Follow me then with careful Silence, for
Isabella s Chamber joins to this, and she may hear us.
Lod. Not Flowers grow, norsmooth Streams glide away,
Not absent Lovers sigh, nor breaks the Day,
More silently than I'll those Joys receive,
Which Love and Darkness do conspire to give. [Exeunt.
SCENE V. Changes again to a Garden.
Enter Isabella and Fanny in their Night-gowns.
Isab. Well, I have no mind to let this dear mad Devil
Lodwick in to night.
Fan. Why, Sister, this is not the first Venture you
have made of this kind, at this Hour, and in this Place ;
these Arbours were they tell-tales, cou'd discover many
pretty stories of your Loves, and do you think they'll be
less faithful now ? pray trust them once again. Oh, I do
so love to hear Mr. Lodwick protest, and vow, and swear,
and dissemble, and when you don't believe him, rail at
you, avads, 'tis the prettiest Man
Isab. I have a strange apprehension of being surpriz'd
to night.
Fan. I'll warrant you, I'll sit on yon Bank of Pinks,
and when I hear a Noise I'll come and tell you ; so Lodwick
may slip out at the back Gate, and we may be walking
up and down as if we meant no harm.
Isab. You'll grow very expert in the Arts of Love,
Fanny.
Fan. When I am big enough I shall do my Endeavour,
for I have heard you say, Women were born to no other
52 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in
end than to love : And 'tis fit I should learn to live and
die in my calling. Come, open the Gate, or you'll repent
it, we shall have my Father marry you within a day or
two to that ugly Man that speaks hard Words, avads, I
can't abide him.
hab. What Noise is that?
Fan. Why, 'tis Mr. Lodwick at the Garden-Door ;
let him in whilst I'll to my flowry Bank, and stand
Ccntinel. [Runs off". Isabella opens the Gate.
Enter Wittmore.
Wit. Who's there?
hab. Speak low, who shou'd it be but the kind Fool
her self, who can deny you nothing but what you dare
not take ?
jyit. Not take ! what's that ? hast thou reserves in store ?
Oh, come and let me lead thee to thy Bed,
Or seat thee on some Bank of softer Flowers,
Where I may rifle all thy unknown Store.
hab. How ! surely you're not in earnest ? Do you
love me ?
Wit. Love thee ! by thy dear self, all that my Soul
adores,
I'm all impatient Flame ! all over Love !
You do not use to doubt, but since you do,
Come, and I'll satisfy thy obliging Fears,
And give thee Proofs how much my Soul is thine,
I'll breathe it all anew into thy Bosom.
Oh, thou art fit for the transporting Play,
All loose and wanton, like the Queen of Love
When she descends to meet the Youth in Shades.
hab. And are you, Sir, in earnest ? can it be ?
Wit. That question was severe, what means my Love ?
What pretty Art is this to blow my Flame ?
Are you not mine ? did we not meet t'enjoy ?
I came not with more vigorous eager Haste,
sc. vn] SIR PATIENT FANCY 53
When our first Sacrifice to Love we paid,
Than to perform that Ceremony now.
Come do not let the Sacred Fire burn out,
Which only was prepar'd for Love's rich Altar,
And this is the divine, dark, silent Minute
[Goes to lead her off.
Isab. Hold, Ravisher, and know this saucy Passion
Has render'd back your Interest. Now I hate ye,
And my Obedience to my Father's Will
Shall marry me to Fainlove, and I'll despise ye.
[Flings from him.
Wit. Hah ! Isabella ! Death, I have made sweet work,
stay, gentle Maid, she'll ruin all if she go : stay she
knew me, and cunningly drew me to this Discovery ; I'll
after her and undeceive her. [Runs after her.
A confufd Noise of the Serenade, the
SCENE VI draws off to Lady Fancy's Anti-chamber.
Enter Isabella groping as in the dark.
Isab. Pray Heaven I get undiscover'd to my Chamber,
where I'll make Vows against this perjured Man ; hah,
sure he follows still ; no Wood-Nymph ever fled before a
Satyr, with half that trembling haste I flew from Lodwick.
Oh, he has lost his Virtue, and undone me.
[Goes out groping, and the noise of Serenade again.
SCENE VII. Changes to Lady Fancy's Bed-chamber, discovers
her as before ; Lodwick as just risen in Disorder from the Bed,
buttoning himself, and setting himself in order ; and
Noise at the Door of unlatching it.
Enter Isabella groping, Sir Patient without.
L. Fan. It is this Door that open'd, and which I thought
I had secur'd.
Sir Pat. \Witbin.~\ Oh, insupportable, abominable, and
not to be indur'd !
54 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in
Isab. Hah, my Father ! I'm discover'd and pursu'd,
grant me to find the Bed.
L. Fan. Heavens ! 'twas my Husband's Voice, sure
we're betray'd. It must be so, for what Devil but that
of Jealousy cou'd raise him at this late hour?
Isab. Hah, where am I, and who is't that speaks
\_To her self.
Lod. So, he must know that I have made a Cuckold
of him. \_Aslde.
SirPtf/. [Within.'} Call up my Men, the Coachman,
Groom, and Butler, the Footmen, Cook, and Gardiner ;
bid 'em all rise and arm, with long Staff, Spade and
Pitchfork, and sally out upon the Wicked.
Lod. S'heart ! what a Death shall I die : is there no
place of safety hereabouts for there is no resisting these
unmerciful Weapons.
Isab. A Man's Voice !
L. Fan. I know of none, nor how to prevent your
Discovery.
SirPtf/. [Within.'} Oh, oh, lead me forward, I'll lie
here on the Garden-side, out of the hearing of this Hellish
Noise.
L. Fan. Hah, Noise ! what means he ?
Lod. Nay, I know not, is there no escaping ?
Isab. Who can they be that talk thus? sure I have
mistook my Chamber.
L. Fan. Oh, he's coming in I'm ruin'd ; what shall
we do ? here get into the Bed and cover your self with
the Clothes quickly oh, my Confusion will betray me.
[Lod wick gets into the Bed, Isabella hides behind the
Curtain very near to him.
Enter Sir Patient, led by Nurse and Maundy, with Lights.
Maun. Pray go back, Sir, my poor Lady will be
frighted out of her Wits at this danger you put your self
into, the Noise shall be stilPd.
sc. vn] SIR PATIENT FANCY 55
L. Fa n. Oh, what's the matter with my Love ? what,
do you mean to murder him ? oh, lead him instantly back
to his Bed.
Sir Pat. Oh, oh, no, I'll lie here, put me to bed, oh,
I faint, my Chamber's possest with twenty thousand
Evil Spirits.
L. Fan. Possest ! what sickly Fancy's this ?
SirPrt/. Ah, the House is beset, surrounded and con
founded with profane tinkling, with Popish Horn-Pipes,
and Jesuitical Cymbals, more Antichristian and Abominable
than Organs, or Anthems.
Nurse. Yea verily, and surely it is the spawn of Cathedral
Instruments plaid on by Babylonish Minstrels, only to
disturb the Brethren.
Sir Pat. Ay, 'tis so, call up my Servants, and let them
be first chastiz'd and then hang'd ; accuse 'em for French
Papishes, that had a design to fire the City, or any thing :
oh, I shall die lead me gently to this Bed.
L. Fan. To hinder him will discover all : stay, Sir.
Sir Pat. Hah, my Lady turn'd rebellious ! put me to
Bed I say ; [Throws himself forward to the BedJ\ hah
what's here ? what are thou, a Man, hah, a Man,
Treason ! betray'd ! my Bed's defil'd, my Lady polluted,
and I am cornuted ; oh thou vile Serpent of my Bosom !
\&he stands with her Face towards the Stage in signs
of fear.
Isab. A Man, and in my virtuous Lady Mother's
Chamber ! how fortunate was I to light on this discovery!
L. Fan. Well, Sir, since you have seen him, I beseech
you for my sake, Dear, pardon him this one time.
[ Coakesing him.
Sir Pat. Thou beg his Pardon ! Oh, was ever heard
such Impudence !
L. Fan. Indeed, my Love, he is to blame ; but we that
are judicious should bear with the Frailities of Youth.
Sir Pat. Oh insupportable Audacity ! what canst thou
say, false Woman r
56 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in
L. Fan. Truly not much in his Defence, my Dear.
Isab. Oh cunning Devil !
L. Fan. But, Sir, to hide the weakness of your Daughter,
I have a little strain'd my Modesty.
Isab. Heavens ! what says she ?
L. Fan. 'Tis Isabella's Lover, Sir, whom I've conceal'd.
Lod. A good hint to save both our Credits.
Sir Pat. How, Mr. Fainlove mean you ?
[Lod wick rises and comes a little more forward, Isabella
does the like, till both meet at the feet of the Bed, and
start, Lod wick looking simply.
L. Fan. Ay, my dear, Mr. Fainlove.
Lod. Isabella here ! must she know too what a fine
inconstant Dog I am ?
Isab. Lodwick! and in my Mother's Chamber! may
I believe my Eyes !
Sir Pat. But how got he hither ? tell me that : oh
Youth, Youth, to what degree of Wickedness art thou
arriv'd ?
L. Fan. She appointed him to come this Night, Sir,
and he going to her Chamber, by mistake came into mine,
it being the next to her's.
Maun. But, Lord, Sir, had you heard how my Lady
school'd him, whilst I ran down to fetch a Light !
Lod. Now does my Conscience tell me, I am a damn'd
Villain. [Aside, looking pitifully on Isabella.
L. Fan. But the poor Man presently perceiv'd his
mistake, and beg'd my pardon in such feeling Terms
that I vow I had not the heart to deny it him.
Isab. OhTraytor ! wou'd thou hadstbeen that Ravisher
I took thee for, rather than such a Villain false ! and with
my Mother too !
L. Fan. And just then, Sir, you came to the Door, and
lest you shou'd see him, intreated me to hide him from
your Anger, the Offence is not so heinous, Sir, consider
ing he is so soon to marry her.
sc. vn] SIR PATIENT FANCY 57
Sir Pat. Well, Sir, and what have you to say in your
Defence? hah, how, Mr. Knowell, worse and worse,
why, how came you hither, Sir? hah.
L. Fan. Not Wittmorel oh, I am ruin'd and betray 'd.
[Falls almost in a swoon.
Sir Pat. Hah, Isabella here too !
Isab. Yes, Sir, to justify her Innocence.
Sir Pat. Hah ! Innocence ! and justify ! take her away ;
go out of my sight, thou Limb of Satan, take her away,
I say, I'll talk with you to morrow, Lady Finetricks
I will.
Isab. And I'll know before I sleep, the mystery of all
this, and who 'twas this faithless Man sent in his room to
deceive me in the Garden. [Goes out.
Lod. A plague of all ill-luck how the Devil came she
hither? I must follow and reconcile her.
[Going out. Sir Patient stays him.
Sir Pat. Nay, Sir, we must not part so till I have known
the truth of this Business, I take it.
Lod. Truth, Sir ! oh, all that your fair Lady has said,
Sir ; I must confess her Eyes have wounded me enough
with Anger, you need not add more to my Shame.
L. Fan. Some little comfort yet, that he prov'd indeed to
be Isabella's Lover: Oh, that I should mistake so unluckily !
[Aside.
Sir Pat. Why, I thought it had been Mr. Fainlove.
L. Fan. By all that's good, and so did I.
Lod. I know you did, Madam, or you had not been so
kind to me : Your Servant, dear Madam.
[Going, Sir Patient stays him.
L. Fan. Pray, Sir, let him go ; oh, how I abominate the
sight of a Man that cou'd be so wicked as he has been !
Sir Pat. Ha, good Lady, excellent Woman : well, Sir,
for my Lady's sake I'll let you pass with this, but if I catch
you here again, I shall spoil your Intrigues, Sir, marry,
shall I, and so rest ye satisfied, Sir.
58 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in
Lod. At this time, I am, Sir Madam, a thousand
Blessings on you for this Goodness.
L. Fan. Ten thousand Curses upon thee, go, boast
the Ruin you have made. [Aside to Lod.
Sir Pat. Come, no more Anger now, my Lady ; the
Gentleman's sorry you see, I'll marry my pert Huswife
to morrow for this. Maundy, see the Gentleman safe
out : ah, put me to Bed ; ah, this Night's Work will kill
me, ah, ah. [Exeunt Lodwick and Maundy.
The Scene draws over Sir Patient and Lady : draws again
and discovers
SCENE VIII. The Garden, Wittmore, Fanny, and Isabella.
half. How, Mr. Fainlove, it cannot be.
Fan. Indeed, Sister, 'tis the same, for all he talks so ;
and he told me his coming was but to try your Virtue only.
Enter Lodwick and Maundy as passing over, but stand.
Isab. That Fainlove! whom I am so soon to marry !
and but this day courted me in another Dialect !
Wit. That was my Policy, Madam, to pass upon your
Father with. But I'm a Man that knows the value of the
Fair, and saw Charms of Beauty and of Wit in you, that
taught me to know the way to your Heart was to appear
my self, which now I do. Why did you leave me so
unkindly but now ?
Lod. Hah, what's this? whilst I was grafting Horns
on another's Head, some kind Friend was doing that good
Office for me.
Maun. Sure 'tis Wittmore I oh that Dissembler this
was his Plot upon my Lady, to gain time with Isabella.
[Aside.
Wit. And being so near my Happiness, can you blame
me, if I made a trial whether your Virtue were agreeable
to your Beauty, great, and to be equally ador'd ?
sc. ix] SIR PATIENT FANCY 59
Lod. Death, I've heard enough to forfeit all my Patience !
Draw, Sir, and make a trial of your Courage too.
Wit. Hah, what desperate Fool art thou? [Draws.
Lod. One that will see thee fairly damn'd, e'er yield
his Interest up in Isabella oh thou false Woman !
[They fight out, Isabella, Fanny, and Maundy run off.
SCENE IX. Changes to the long Street, a Pageant of an
Elephant coming from the farther end with Sir Credulous
on it, and several others playing on strange confused
Instruments.
Sir Cred. This sure is extraordinary, or the Devil's in't,
and I'll ne'er trust Serenade more.
[Come forward, and all play again.
Hold, hold, now for the Song, which because I wou'd
have most deliciously and melodiously sung, I'll sing my
self; look ye, hum hum.
Sir Credulous should have sung.
THOU Grief of my Heart, and thou Pearl of my Eyes,
D*on thy Flannel Petticoat quickly, and rise ,
And from thy resplendent Window discover
A Face that wou'd mortify any young Lover :
For I, like great Jove transformed, do wooe,
And am amorous Owl, to wit to wooe, to wit to wooe.
A Lover, Ads Zoz, is a sort of a Tool
That of all Things you best may compare to an Owl :
For in some dark Shades he delights still to sit,
And all the Night long he crys wo to wit.
Then rise, my bright Cloris, and d'on on slip shoe :
And hear thy amorous Owl chant, wit to wooe, wit to wooe.
Well, this won't do, for I perceive no Window open,
nor Lady bright appear, to talk obligingly : perhaps the
Song does not please her : you Ballad-singers, have you
no good Songs of another fashion r
60 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT in, sc. ix
i Man. Yes, Sir, Several, Robin Hark how the Waters
fall, fall, fall!
Sir Cred. How, Man ! Zoz, remove us farther off, for
fear of wetting.
i Man. No, no, Sir, I only gave my Fellow a hint of
an excellent Ballad that begins Ill-wedded Joys, how
quickly do you fade ! [Sings.
Sir Cred. Ay, ay, that, we'll have that, Ill-wedded
Joys, how quickly do you fade, [Sings.] That's excellent !
Oh, now the Windows open, now, now shew your caper
ing Tricks. [Faulting.
\_They all play again.
Enter Roger and a Company of Fellows as out of Sir Patient's
House, led on by Abel a precise Clerk, all armed with
odd Weapons.
Abel. Verily, verily, here be these Babes of Perdition,
these Children of Iniquity.
Rog. A pox of your Babes and Children, they are Men,
and Sons of Whores, whom we must bang confoundedly,
for not letting honest godly People rest quietly in their
Beds at Midnight.
SirCW. Who's there?
Rog. There, with a Pox to you ; cannot a Right-
worshipful Knight, that has been sick these Twenty Years
with taking Physick, sleep quietly in his own House for
you ; and must we be rais'd out of our Beds to quiet your
Hell-pipes, in the Devil's name ?
Abel. Down with Gog and Magog, there ; there's the
.rotten Bell weather that leads the rest astray, and defiles
the whole Flock.
Rog. Hang your preaching, and let's come to him,
we'll maul him. [Beat Sir Cred.
Sir Cred. Oh, Quarter, Quarter, Murder, Help, Murder,
Murder !
ACT iv, sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 61
Enter Lodwick.
Lad. Damn these Rascals, who e'er they were, that so
unluckily redeemed a Rival from my Fury, Hah, they
are here, Egad, I'll have one touch more with 'em, the
Dogs are spoiling my design'd Serenade too have amongst
ye. [Fights and beats 'em off.~\ Sir Credulous^ how is't?
Sir Cm/. Who's there? Lodwick? Oh dear Lad, is't
thou that hast redeem'd me from the inchanted Cudgels
that demolish'd my triumphant Pageant, and confounded
my Serenade ? Zoz, I'm half kill'd, Man, I have never
a whole Bone about me sure.
Lod. Come in with me a plague upon the Rascal that
escap'd me. [Exeunt.
ACT IV.
SCENE I. Lady Kno well's House.
Enter Lucretia,y^//0zfV by Sir Credulous.
Lucr. Marry'd to morrow ! and leave my Mother the
possession viLcanderl I'll die a thousand Deaths first.
How the Fool haunts me ! [Aside.
Sir Cred. Nay, delicious Lady, you may say your
Pleasure ; but I will justify the Serenade to be as high a
piece of Gallantry as was ever practised in our Age, though
not comparable to your Charms and celestial Graces, which
shou'd I praise as I ought, 'twou'd require more time than
the Sun employs in his natural Motion between the
Tropicks ; that is to say, a whole Year, (for by the way,
I am no Copernican] for, Dear Madam, you must know,
my Rhetorick Master, I say, my Rhetorick Master,
who was
Lucr. As great a Coxcomb as your self; pray leave
me, I am serious I must go seek out Lodwick.
Sir Cred. Leave ye ! I thank you for that, i 'faith, before
I have spoke out my Speech ; therefore I say, Divine Lady
because my Rhetorick Master commanded the frequent
6a SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
use of Hypallages, Allegories, and the richest Figures of that
beauteous Art, because my Rhetorick
Liter. I must leave the Fool, follow if you dare, for I
have no leisure to attend your Nonsense. [Goes out.
Enter Lady Knowell.
L. Kno. What, alone, Sir Credulous? I left you with
Lucretia.
Sir Cred. Lucretia! I'm sure she makes a very Tar-
quinius Sextus of me, and all about this Serenade, I
protest and vow, incomparable Lady, I had begun the
sweetest Speech to her though I say't, such Flowers
of Rhetorick 'twou'd have been the very Nosegay of
Eloquence, so it wou'd ; and like an ungrateful illiterate
Woman as she is, she left me in the very middle on't, so
snuffy I'll warrant.
L. Kno. Be not discourag'd, Sir, I'll adapt her to a
reconciliation : Lovers must sometimes expect these little
Belli fugaces ; the Grecians therefore truly named Love
Glucupicros Eros.
Sir Crcd. Nay, bright Lady, I am as little discourag'd as
another, but I'm sorry I gave so extraordinary a Serenade
to so little purpose.
L. Kno. Name it no more, 'twas only a Gallantry
mistaken ; but I'll accelerate your Felicity, and to morrow
shall conclude the great dispute, since there is such Volu
bility and Vicissitude in mundane Affairs. [Goes out.
Enter Lodwick, stays Sir Credulous as he is going
out the other way.
Lod. Sir Credulous, whither away so fast?
Sir Crcd. Zoz, what a Question's there ? dost not know
I am to unty the Virgin Zone to morrow, that is, barter
Maiden-heads with thy Sister, that is, to be married to her,
Man, and I must to Lincolns-Inn to my Counsel about it ?
Lod. My Sister just now told me of it ; but, Sir, you
must not stir.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 63
Sir Cred. Why, what's the matter?
Lod. Have you made your Will ?
SirCW. My Will! no, why my Will, Man?
Lod. Then, for the good of your Friends and Posterity,
stir not from this place.
Sir Cred. Good Lord, Lodwick, thou art the strangest
Man, what do you mean to fright a body thus?
Lod. You remember the Serenade last night?
Sir Cred. Remember it ? Zoz, I think I do, here be
the marks on't sure.
\Pulh off his Peruke , and shews his Head broke.
Lod. Ads me, your Head's broke.
Sir Cred. My Head broke ! why, 'twas a hundred to one
but my Neck had been broke.
Lod. Faith, not unlikely, you know the next House
is Sir Patient Fancy's; Isabella too, you know, is his
Daughter.
Sir Cred. Yes, yes, she was by when I made my dumb
Oration.
Lod. The same, this Lady has a Lover, a mad,
furious, fighting, killing Hector, (as you know there are
enough about this Town) this Monsieur supposing you to
be a Rival, and that your Serenade was address'd to her
Sir Cred. Enough, I understand you, set those Rogues
on to murder me.
Lod. Wou'd 'twere no worse.
Sir Cred. Worse! Zoz, Man, what the Devil can be
worse ?
Lod. Why, he has vow'd to kill you himself wherever
he meets you, and now waits below to that purpose.
Sir Cred. Sha, sha, if that be all, I'll to him immedi
ately, and make Affidavit I never had any such design.
Madam Isabella ! ha, ha, alas, poor man, I have some body
else to think on.
Lod. Affidavit ! why, he'll not believe you, should you
swear your Heart out : some body has possess'd him that
64 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
you are a damn'd Fool, and a most egregious Coward, a
Fellow that to save your Life will swear any thing.
Sir Cred. What cursed Luck's this ! why, how came
he to know I liv'd here ?
Lod. I believe he might have it from Leander, who is
his Friend.
Sir Cm/. Leander! I must confess I never lik'd that
Lcander since yesterday.
Lod. He has deceiv'd us all, that's the truth on't ; for
I have lately found out too, that he's your Rival, and has
a kind of a
Sir Cred. Smattering to my Mistress, hah, and there
fore wou'd not be wanting to give me a lift out of this
World ; but I shall give her such a go-by my Lady
Knowcll understands the difference between three Thou
sand a Year, and prithee what's his Estate ?
Lod. Shaw not sufficient to pay Surgeons Bills.
Sir Cred. Alas, poor Rat, how does he live then ?
Lod. Hang him, the Ladies keep him ; 'tis a good
handsome Fellow, and has a pretty Town-Wit.
Sir Cred. He a Wit ! what, I'll warrant he writes
Lampoons, rails at Plays, curses all Poetry but his own,
and mimicks the Players ha.
Lod. Some such common Notions he has that deceives
the ignorant Rabble, amongst whom he passes for a very
smart Fellow, 'life, he's here.
Enter Leander.
Sir Cred. Why, what shall I do, he will not affront me
before Company ? hah !
Lod. Not in our House, Sir, bear up and take no
notice on't. [Lod. whispers Lean.
Sir Cred. No notice, quoth he ? why, my very Fears
will betray me.
Lean. Let me alone Lodwick^ I met just now with
an Italian Merchant, who has made me such a Present !
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 65
Lod. What is't prithee ?
Lean. A Sort of specifick Poison for all the Senses,
especially for that of smelling ; so that had I a Rival, and
I should see him at any reasonable distance, I could direct
a little of this Scent up to his Brain so subtlely, that it
shall not fail of Execution in a day or two.
Sir Cred. How Poison !
[Shewing great Signs of Fear , and holding his Nose.
Lean. Nay, shou'd I see him in the midst of a thousand
People, I can so direct it, that it shall assault my Enemy's
Nostrils only, without any effects on the rest of the
Company.
Sir Cred. Oh, I'm a dead Man !
Lod. Is't possible ?
Lean. Perhaps some little sneezing or so, no harm ;
but my Enemy's a dead Man, Sir, kilPd.
Sir Cred. Why, this is the most damn'd Italian Trick
I ever heard of; why, this outdoes the famous Poisoner
Madam Brenvilliers ; well, here's no jesting, I perceive
that, Lodwick.
Lod. Fear nothing, I'll secure you. [Aside to him.
Enter Wittmore.
Wittmore! how is't, Friend ! thou lookest cloudy.
Wit. You'll hardly blame me, Gentlemen, when you
shall know what a damn'd unfortunate Rascal I am.
Lod. Prithee what's the matter?
Wit. Why, I am to be marry'd, Gentlemen, marry'd
to day.
Lod. How, marry'd ! nay, Gad, then thou'st reason ;
but to whom prithee ?
Wit. There's the Devil on't again, to a fine young
fair, brisk Woman, that has all the Temptations Heaven
can give her.
Lod. What pity 'tis they shou'd be bestow'd to so
wicked an end ! Is this your Intrigue, that has been so
long conceal'd from your Friends?
IV F
66 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
Lean. We thought it had been some kind Amour,
something of Love and Honour.
Lod. Is she rich ? if she be wondrous rich,we'll excuse
*. __ ^^-" -- -
the,
Wit. Her Fortune^will be suitable to the Jointure_J
shalljTTaJceJier.___
"~7^XNaythen~ ? tTs like to prove a hopeful Match ;
what a Pox can provoke thee to this, dost love her ?
Wit. No, there's another Plague, I am cursedly in love
elsewhere ; and this was but a false Address, to hide that
real one.
Lod. How, love another r in what quality and manner ?
Wit. As a Man ought to love, with a good substantial
Passion, without any design but that of right-down honest
Injoyment.
Lod. Ay, now we understand thee, this is something.
Ah Friend, I had such an Adventure last Night. You may
talk of your Intrigues and substantial Pleasures, but if any
of you can match mine, Egad, I'll forswear Womankind.
Lean. An Adventure ! prithee where ?
Sir Cred. What, last Night, when you rescued me from
the Bilbo-Blades ! indeed ye look'd a little furiously.
Lod. I had reason, I was just then come out of a
Garden from fighting with a Man whom I found with my
Mistress ; and I had at least known who't had been, but
for the coming of those Rascals that set on you, who
parted us, whilst he made his escape in the Croud.
Wit. Death ! that was I, who for fear of being known
got away : was't he then that I fought with, and whom
I learnt lov'd Isabella? [Aside.
Lod. You must know, Gentlemen, I have a sort of a
matrimonial Kindness for a very pretty Woman, she
whom I tell you I disturb'd in the Garden, and last night
she made me an Assignation in her Chamber : when
I came to the Garden-door by which I was to have
admittance, I found a kind of Necessary call'd a Baudy
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 67
Waiting-Woman, whom I followed, and thought she
wou'd have conducted me to the right Woman ; but I
was luckily and in the dark led into a Lady's Chamber,
who took me for a Lover she expected : I found my happy
mistake, and wou'd not undeceive her.
Wit. This could be none but Lucia. [Aside.
Well, -Sir, and what did you do there?
Lod. Do! why, what dost think ? all that a Man inspired
by Love cou'd do, I followed all the dictates of Nature,
Youth, and Vigor.
Wit. Oh, hold, my Heart or I shall kill the Traitor.
[Aside.
Sir Cred. Follow'd all the dictates of Nature, Youth
and Vigor! prithee what's that?
Lod. I kiss'd a thousand times her balmy Lips, and
greedily took in the nimble Sighs she breath'd into my
Soul.
Wit. Oh, I can scarce contain my self. [Aside.
Sir Cred. Pshaw, is that all, Man ?
Lod. I clasp'd her lovely Body in my Arms,
And laid my Bosom to her panting Breast.
Trembling she seem'd all Love and soft Desire,
And I all Burnings in a youthful Fire.
Sir Cred. Bless us, the Man's in a Rapture !
Wit. Damnation on them both.
Sir Cred. Well, to the point, Man : what didst do all
this while ?
Lean. Faith, I fancy he did not sleep, Sir Credulous.
Lod. No, Friend, she had too many Charms to keep
me waking.
Sir Cred. Had she so ? I shou'd have beg'd her Charms
pardon, I tell her that though.
Wit. Curse on my Sloth, Oh, how shall I dissemble ?
[Aside.
Lean. Thy Adventure was pretty lucky but, Wittmore^
thou dost not relish it.
68 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
Wit. My Mind's upon my Marriage, Sir ; if I thought
he lovM Isabella, I wou'd marry her to be reveng'd on him,
at least I'll vex his Soul, as he has tortur'd mine. Well,
Gentlemen, you'll dine with me, and give me your
opinion of my Wife.
Lod. Where dost thou keep the Ceremony?
Wit. At Sir Patient Fancy* s, my Father-in-law?
Lod. How ! Sir Patient Fancy to be your Father-in-law?
Lean. My Uncle?
Wit. He's fir'd, 'tis his Daughter, Sir, I am to
marry.
Lod. Isabella ! Leander, can it be ? can she consent to
this? and can she love you?
Wit. Why, Sir, what do you see in me, shou'd render
me unfit to be belov'd ? [Angry.
Lod. Marry'd to day ! by Heaven, it must not be, Sir.
[Draws him aside.
Wit. Why, Sir, I hope this is not the kind Lady who
was so soft, so sweet and charming last night.
Lod. Hold, Sir, we yet are Friends.
Wit. And might have still been so, hadst thou not
basely rob'd me of my Interest.
Lod. Death, do you speak my Language? [Ready to draw.
IfS'it. No, take a secret from my angry Heart, which
all its Friendship to thee cou'd not make me utter; it
was my Mistress you surpriz'd last night.
Lod. Hah, my Lady Fancy his Mistress ? Curse on my
prating Tongue. [Aside.
Sir Cred. What a Devil's all this, hard Words, Heart
burnings, Resentments, and all that?
Lean. You are not quarrelling, I hope, my Friends?
Lod. All this, Sir, we suspected, and smok'd your
borrowing Money last night ; and what I said was to gain
the mighty secret that had been so long kept from your
Friends : but thou hast done a baseness
[Lays his Hand on his Sword.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 69
Lean. Hold, what's the matter?
Wit. Did you not rob me of the Victory then I've
been so long a toiling for?
Lod. If I had, 'twould not have made her guilty, nor
me a Criminal ; she taking me for one she lov'd, and I
her for one that had no Interest in my Friend : and who
the Devil wou'd have refus'd so fine a Woman ? Nor had
I but that I was prevented by her Husband. But Isabella^
Sir, you must resign.
Wit. I will, provided that our Friendship's safe; I am
this day to marry her, and if you can find a means to do't
in my room, I shall resign my Interest to my Friend ; for
'tis the lovely Mother I adore.
Lod. And was it you I fought with in the Garden?
Wit. Yes, and thereby hangs a tale of a mistake almost
equal to thine, which I'll at leisure tell you.
\_Talks to Lod. and Lean.
Sir Cred. I'm glad they're Friends ; Zoz, here was like
to have been a pretty Business; what damnable work this
same Womankind makes in a Nation of Fools that are
Lovers ?
Wit. Look ye, I am a damn'd dull Fellow at Invention,
I'll therefore leave you to contrive matters by your selves,
whilst I'll go try how kind Fortune will be to me this
Morning, and see in what readiness my Bride is. What
you do must be thought on suddenly ; I'll wait on you
anon, and let you know how matters go. I'm as impatient
to know the truth of this, as for an opportunity to enjoy
Lucia. [Goes out.
Lod. Leander, what shall I do ?
Lean. You were best consult your Mother and Sister;
Women are best at Intrigues of this kind : But what
becomes of me ?
Lod. Let me alone to dispatch this Fool, I long to have
him out of the way, he begins to grow troublesome :
but now my Mother expects you.
70 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
Lean. Prithee be careful of me. [Exit "Lean.
SirC/W. What was this long Whisper, something
about me ?
Lod. Why, yes, faith, I was persuading him to speak
to his Friend about this Business ; but he swears there's
no hopes of a Reconciliation : you are a dead Man, unless
some cleanly conveyance of you be soon thought on.
Sir Cred. Why, I'll keep within doors, and defy Malice
and foul Weather.
Lod. Oh, he means to get a Warrant, and search for
stolen Goods, prohibited Commodities or Conventicles;
there's a thousand Civil Pretences in this Town to commit
Outrages let me see. [ They both pause a while.
Sir Cred. Well, I have thought, and ofsuch a Business,
that the Devil's in't if you don't say I am a man oflntrigue.
Lod. What is't?
Sir Cred. Ha, ha, ha, I must have leave to laugh to
think how neatly I shall defeat this Son of a Whore of a
thunder thumping Hector.
Lod. Be serious, Sir, this is no laughing matter; if I
might advise, you should steal into the Country, for two
or three days, till the Business be blown over.
Sir Cred. Lord, thou art so hasty and conceited of thy
own Invention, thou wilt not give a Man leave to think in
thy company : why, these were my very thoughts; nay more,
I have found a way to get off clever, though he watch me
as narrowly as an enraged Serjeant upon an Escape.
Lod. That indeed wou'd be a Master-piece.
Sir Cred. Why, look ye, do you see that great Basket there ?
Lod. I do, this you mean. [Pulls in a Basket.
Sir Cred. Very well, put me into this Basket, and cord
me down, send for a couple of Porters, hoist me away with
a Direction, to an old Uncle of mine, one Sir Anthony
Bubleton at Bubleton-Hallm Essex; and then whip slap-dash,
as Nokes says in the Play, I'm gone, and who's the wiser ?
Lod. I like it well.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 71
Sir Cred. Nay, lose no time in applauding, I'll in, the
Carrier goes this Morning; farewel, Lodwick.
[Goes into the Basket.
I'll be here again on Thursday. [Led. writes a Direction.
Enter Boy.
Lod. By all means, Sir, Who's there, call a couple
of Porters. [Exit Boy.
Sir Cred. One word more, the Carrier lies at the Bell
in Friday-street, pray take care they set me not on my
Head. \_PP 5 in again
Enter Boy and two Porters.
Lod. Come hither, cord up this Basket, and carry it
where he shall direct. Leander will never think he's
free from a Rival, till he have him in his possession To
Mr. Leander Fancy's at the next door ; say 'tis things for
him out of the Country. Write a Direction to him on
the Basket-lid. [Aside to the Boy.
[ Porters going to carry off" the Basket on a long Pole
between 'em.
Enter Lady Knowell.
L.Kno. What's this? whither goes this Basket?
Sir Cred. Ah Lord ! they are come with the Warrant.
[Peeps out of the Basket.
Lod. Only Books, Madam, offer'd me to buy, but they
do not please me.
L. Kno. Books ! nay then set down the Basket, Fellows,
and let me peruse 'em ; who are their Authors, and what
their Language?
Sir Cred. A pox of all Learning, I say, 'tis my Mother-
in-law. [Porters going to set down the Basket.
Lod. Hold, hold, Madam, they are only English and
some Law -French.
L.Kno. Oh, faugh, howl hate that vile sort of Reading !
up with 'em again, Fellows, and away.
[ The Porters take up and go out.
72 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
Lod. God-a-mercy, Law-French. [Aside.
L. Kno. Law-French ! out upon't, I cou'd find in my
heart to have the Porters bring it back, and have it burnt
for a Heresy to Learning.
Lod. Or thrown into the Thames, that it may float back
to Normandy, to have the Language new modell'd.
L. Kno. You say well ; but what's all this ad Ipbicli
bonis, where's Sir Credulous all this while? his Affairs
expect him.
Lod. So does Leander your Ladyship within.
L. Kno. Leander I Hymen, Hymens, I'll wait on him,
Lodwick , I am resolv'd you shall marry Isabella too; I
have a design in my head that cannot fail to give you the
possession of her within this two or three hours.
Lod. Such an Indulgence will make me the happiest of
Men, and I have something to say to your Ladyship that
will oblige you to hasten the design.
L. Kno. Come in, and let me know it. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Chamber in Sir Patient Fancy's House.
A Table and Chairs.
Enter Lady Fancy in a Morning-dress, Maundy with Pen,
Ink and Paper.
L. Fan. Wittmore in the Garden, sayst thou, with
Isabella I Oh perjur'd Man! it was by his contrivance
then I was betray'd last night.
Maun. I thought so too at first, Madam, till going to
conduct Mr. Knowell through the Garden, he finding Mr.
Wittmore there with Isabella drew on him, and they both
fought out of the Garden : what mischief's done I know
not. But, Madam, I hope Mr. Knowell was not uncivil to
your Ladyship. I had no time to ask what pass'd between
you.
L. Fan. Oh, name it not : I gave him all I had reserv'd
for Wittmore. I was so possess'd with the thoughts of that
sc. n] SIR PATIENT FANCY 73
dear false one, I had no sense free to perceive the cheat :
but I will be reveng'd. Come let me end my Letter,
we are safe from interruption.
Maun. Yes, Madam, Sir Patient is not yet up, the
Doctors have been with him, and tell him he is not so
bad as we persuaded him.
L. Fan. And was he soft and kind ? By all that's good,
she loves him, and they contriv'd this meeting. My Pen
and Ink I am impatient to unload my Soul of this great
weight of Jealousy. [Sits down, and writes.
Enter Sir Patient, looking over her Shoulder a tip-toe.
Maun. Heaven ! here's Sir Patient, Madam.
L. Fan. Hah, and 'tis too late to hide the Paper ; I
was just going to subscribe my Name.
Sir Pat. Good morrow, my Lady Fancy, your Ladyship
is well employ'd, I see.
L. Fan. Indeed I was, and pleasantly too : I am writing
a Love-letter, Sir. But, my Dear, what makes you so
soon up?
Sir Pat. A Love-letter ! let me see't. [Goes to take it.
L. Fan. I'll read it to you, Sir.
Maun. What mean you, Madam? [Aside.
Lady Fancy reads.
It was but yesterday you swore you lov'd me, and I poor easy
Fool believed ; but your last Night's Infidelity has undeceived
my Heart) and rendered you the falsest Man that ever
Woman sigh* d for. Tell me, how durst you, when I had
prepared all things for our Enjoyment, be so great a Devil
to deceive my languishing Expectations ? and in your room
send one that has undone
Your
Maun. Sure she's mad to read this to him.
Hum, I profess ingenuously I think it is
74 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
indeed a Love-letter. My Lady Fancy, what means all
this? as I take it, here are Riddles and Mysteries in this
Business.
L. Fan. Which thus, Sir, I'll unfold.
[Takes the Pen, and writes Isabella.
Sir Pat. How! undone Your Isabella, meaning my
Daughter ?
L. Fan. Yes, my Dear, going this morning into her
Chamber, she not being there, I took up a Letter that lay
open on her Table, and out of curiosity read it ; as near
as I can remember 'twas to this purpose : I writ it out
now, because I had a mind thou shou'dst see't ; for I can
hide nothing from thee.
Sir Pat. A very good Lady, I profess! to whom is it
directed ?
L. Fan. Why, Sir What shall I say, I cannot lay
it now on Lodwick [Aside.
I believe she meant it to Mr. Fainlove, for whom else
cou'd it be design'd ? she being so soon to marry him.
Sir Pat. Hah, Mr. Fainlove! so soon so fond and
amorous !
L. Fan. Alas, 'tis the excusable fault of all young
Women, thou knowst I was just such another Fool to
thee, so fond and so in love.
Sir Pat. Ha, thou wert indeed, my Lady Fancy, indeed
thou wert. But I will keep the Letter however, that
this idle Baggage may know I understand her Tricks and
Intrigues. [Puts up the Letter.
L. Fan. Nay then 'twill out : No, I beseech you, Sir,
give me the Letter, I wou'd not for the World Isabella
shou'd know of my theft, 'twou'd appear malicious in me:
Besides, Sir, it does not befit your Gravity to be con-
cern'd in the little Quarrels of Lovers.
Sir Pat. Lovers ! Tell me not of Lovers, my Lady
Fancy ; with Reverence to your good Ladyship, I value
lot whether there be Love between 'em or
sc. n] SIR PATIENT FANCY
Wedjpjcjc is my Business, nay, I will let^
own too, |ttrafT"witTJ'\v7r}^ s yetrr^^
L. Fan. How unlucky I am ! Sir, as to his Chastise
ment, use your own discretion, in which you do abound
most plentifully. But pray let not Isabella hear of it ; for
as I wou'd preserve my Duty to thee, by communicating
all things to thee, so I wou'd conserve my good Opinion
with her.
Sir Pat. Ah, what a Blessing I possess in so excellent
a Wife ! and in regard I am every day descending to my
Grave. ah I will no longer hide from thee the Provision
I have made for thee, in case I die.
L. Fan. This is the Musick that I long'd to hear.
Die ! Oh, that fatal Word will kill me [Weeps.
Name it no more, if you'd preserve my Life.
Sir Pat. Hah now cannot I refrain joining with her
in affectionate Tears. No, but do not weep for me, my
excellent Lady, for I have made a pretty competent Estate
for thee. Eight thousand Pounds, which I have conceal'd
in my Study behind the Wainscot on the left hand as you
come in.
L. Fan. Oh, tell me not of transitory Wealth, for I'm
resolv'd not to survive thee. Eight thousand Pound say
you? Oh, I cannot endure the thoughts on't. [Weeps.
Sir Pat. Eight thousand Pounds just, my dearest Lady.
L. Fan. Oh, you'll make me desperate in naming it,
is it in Gold or Silver?
Sir Pat. In Gold, my dearest, the most part, the rest
in Silver.
L. Fan. Good Heavens ! why should you take such
pleasure in afflicting me ? [ Weeps.'] Behind the Wainscot
say you?
Sir Pat. Behind the Wainscot, prithee be pacified,
thou makest me lose my greatest Virtue, Moderation, to
see thee thus : alas, we're all born to die.
L,. Fan. Again of dying ! Uncharitable Man, why do
76 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
you delight in tormenting me ? On the left hand, say you
as you go in ?
SirPrf/. On the left hand, my Love: had ever Man
such a Wife ?
L. Fan. Oh, my Spirits fail me lead me, or I shall
faint, lead me to the Study, and shew me where 'tis,
for I am able to hear no more of it.
Sir Pat. I will, if you will promise indeed and indeed,
not to grieve too much. [Going to lead her out.
Enter Wittmore.
Wit. Heaven grant me some kind opportunity to speak
with Lucia! hah, she's here, and with her the fond
Cuckold her Husband. Death, he has spy'd me, there's
no avoiding him.
Sir Pat. Oh, are you there, Sir ? Maundy, look to my
Lady, I take it, Sir, you have not dealt well with a Person
of my Authority and Gravity.
\_Gropes for the Letter in his pocket.
Wit. So this can be nothing less than my being found
out to be no Yorkshire Esq ; a Pox of my Geneva Breeding;
it must be so, what the Devil shall I say now?
Sir Pat. And this disingenuous dealing does ill become
the Person you have represented, I take it.
Wit. Represented ! ay, there 'tis, wou'd I were hand
somely offo' this Business ; neither Lucia nor Maundy have
any intelligence in their demure looks that can instruct a
Man. Why, faith, Sir, I must confess, I am to blame
and that I have a
L. Fan. Oh, Maundy, he'll discover all, what shall we
do?
Sir Pat. Have what, Sir ?
Wit. From my violent Passion for your Daughter
L. Fan. Oh, I'm all Confusion.
Wit. Egad, I am i'th wrong, I see by Lucia's Looks.
Sir Pat. That you have, Sir, you wou'd say, made
sc. n] SIR PATIENT FANCY 77
a Sport and May-game of the Ingagement of your Word ;
I take it, Mr. Fainlove, 'tis not like the Stock you come
from.
Wit. Yes, I was like to have spoil'd all, 'sheart, what
fine work I had made but most certainly he has discovered
my Passion for his Wife. Well, Impudence assist me
I made, Sir, a trifle of my Word, Sir ! from whom have
you this Intelligence ?
Sir Pat. From whom shou'd I, Sir, but from my
Daughter Isabella ?
Wit. Isabella! The malicious Baggage understood to
whom my first Courtship was address'd last Night, and
has betray'd me.
Sir Pat. And, Sir, to let you see I utter nothing without
Precaution, pray read that Letter.
Wit. Hah a Letter ! what can this mean, 'tis Lucia's
Hand, with Isabella's Name to't. Oh, the dear cunning
Creature, to make her Husband the Messenger too.
How, I send one in my room ! [He reads.
L. Fan. Yes, Sir, you think we do not know of the
Appointment you made last Night ; but having other
Affairs in hand than to keep your Promise, you sent
Mr. Knowell in your room, false Man.
Wit. I send him, Madam ! I wou'd have sooner died.
Sir Pat. Sir, as I take it, he cou'd not have known of
your Designs and Rendezvous without your Informations.
Were not you to have met my Daughter here to night,
Sir?
Wit. Yes, Sir, and I hope 'tis no such great Crime, to
desire a little Conversation with the fair Person one loves,
and is so soon to marry, which I was hinder'd from doing by
the greatest and most unlucky Misfortune that ever arriv'd :
but for my sending him, Madam, credit me, nothing so
much amazes me and afflicts me, as to know he was here.
Sir Pat. He speaks well, ingenuously, he does. Well,
Sir, for your Father's sake, whose Memory I reverence,
78 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
I will for once forgive you. But let's have no more Night-
works, no more Gambols, I beseech you, good Mr. Fainlove.
Wit. I humbly thank ye, Sir, and do beseech you to
tell the dear Creature that writ this, that I love her more
than Life or Fortune, and that I wou'd sooner have kill'd
the Man that usurp'd my place last Night, than have
assisted him.
L. Fan. Were you not false, then ? Now hang me if
I do not credit him. \_Aside.
Sir Pat. Alas, good Lady ! how she's concern'd for my
Interest, she's even jealous for my Daughter. [Aside.
Wit. False! charge me not with unprofitable Sins;
wou'd I refuse a Blessing, or blaspheme a Power that
might undo me? wou'd I die in my full vigorous Health,
or live in constant Pain ? All this I cou'd, sooner than be
untrue.
Sir Pat. Ingenuously, my Lady Fancy, he speaks dis
creetly, and to purpose.
L. Fan. Indeed, my Dear, he does, and like an honest
Gentleman : and I shou'd think my self very unreasonable
not to believe him. And, Sir, I'll undertake your Peace
shall be made with your Mistress.
Sir Pat. Well, I am the most fortunate Man in a Wife,
that ever had the blessing of a good one.
Wit. Madam, let me fall at your Feet, and thank you
for this Bounty. Make it your own case, and then con
sider what returns ought to be made to the most passionate
and faithful of Lovers. [Kneels.
S>'\r Pat. I profess a wonderful good natur'd Youth,
this; rise, Sir, my Lady Fancy shall do you all the kind
Offices she can, o' my word, she shall.
L.Fan. I'm all Obedience, Sir, and doubtless shall
obey you.
Sir Pat. You must, indeed you must ; and, Sir, I'll defer
four Happiness no longer, this Day you shall be marry'd.
Wit. This Day,Sir ! why, the Writings are not Jliade.
[i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 79
her Portion shall
bejK[iiivalent to the Jointure ^o^shaljjTTiakfiJicr, I take
ITT thaTjnruflicieiit. -
TPTtT A Jointure, quoth he ! it must be in new Eutopian
Land then. And must I depart thus, without a kind
Word, a Look, or a Billet, to signify what I am to expect.
[Looking on her silly.
Sir Pat. Come, my Lady Fancy, shall I wait on you down
to Prayer ! Sir, you will get your self in order for your
Marriage, the great Affair of human Life ; I must to my
Morning's Devotion : Come, Madam.
[She endeavours to make Signs to Wittmore.
L. Fan. Alas, Sir, the sad Discourse you lately made
me, has so disorder'd me, and given me such a Pain in
my Head, I am not able to endure the Psalm-singing.
Sir Pat. This comes of your Weeping ; but we'll omit
that part of th' Exercise, and have no Psalm sung.
L. Fan. Oh, by no means, Sir, 'twill scandalize the
Brethren; for you know a Psalm is not sung so much out
of Devotion, as 'tis to give notice of our Zeal and pious
Intentions : 'tis a kind of Proclamation to the Neigh
bourhood, and cannot be omitted. Oh, how my Head
aches !
Wit. He were a damn'd dull Lover, that cou'd not
guess what she meant by this. [Aside.
Sir Pat. Well, my Lady Fancy y your Ladyship shall be
obey'd, come, Sir, we'll leave her to her Women.
[Exit Sir Pat.
[As Wittmore goes out, he bows and looks on her ; she
gives him a Sign.
Wit. That kind Look is a sufficient Invitation. [Exit.
L. Fan. Maundy^ follow 'em down, and bring Wittmore
back again. [Exit Maun.] There's now a necessity of
our contriving to avoid this Marriage handsomly, and
we shall at least make two Hours our own ; I never wish'd
well to long Prayers till this Minute.
80 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
Enter Wittmore.
Wit. Oh my dear Lucia I
L. Fan. Oh Wittmore I I long to tell thee what a fatal
Mistake had like to have happened last Night.
Wit. My Friend has told me all, and how he was pre
vented by the coming of your Husband from robbing me
of those sacred Delights I languish for. Oh, let us not
lose inestimable Time in dull talking; but haste to give
each other the only Confirmation we can give, how little
we are our own.
L. Fan. I see Lodwick's a Man of Honour, and deserves
a Heart if I had one to give him. [Exeunt.
SCENE III. A Hall.
Enter Sir Patient and Roger.
Sir Pat. Roger^ is Prayer ready, Roger?
Rog. Truly nay, Sir, for Mr. Gogh has taken too much
of the Creature this Morning, and is not in case, Sir.
Sir Pat. How mean you, Sirrah, that Mr. Gogh is
overtaken with Drink?
Rog. Nay,Sir,he hath over-eaten himself at Breakfast only.
Sir Pat. Alas, and that's soon done, for he hath a sickly
Stomach as well as I, poor Man. Where is Bartholomew
the Clerk ? he must hold forth then to day.
Rog. Verily he is also disabled : for going forth last
Night by your Commandment to smite the Wicked, he
received a blow over the Pericranium.
Sir Pat. Why, how now, Sirrah, Latin ! the Language
of the Beast ! hah and what then, Sir?
Rog. Which Blow, I doubt, Sir, hath spoil'd both his
Praying and his Eating.
Sir Pat. Hah ! What a Family's here ? no Prayer to day !
Enter Nurse and Fanny.
Nurs. Nay verily it shall all out, I will be no more the
dark Lanthorn to the deeds of Darkness.
sc. in] SIR PATIENT FANCY 81
Sir Pat. What's the matter here? [Exit Roger.
Nurs. Sir, this young Sinner has long been privy to all
the daily and nightly meetings between Mr. Lodwick and
Isabella ; and just now I took her tying a Letter to a
String in the Garden, which he drew up to his Window :
and I have born it till my Conscience will bear it no longer.
Sir Pat. Hah, so young a Baud ! Tell me, Minion
private meeting ! tell me truth, I charge ye, when ?
where ? how ? and how often ? Oh, she's debauch'd ! her
Reputation ruin'd, and she'll need a double Portion. Come,
tell me truth, for this little Finger here has told me all.
Fan. Oh Geminy, Sir, then that little Finger's the
hougesest great Lyer as ever was.
Sir Pat. Huzzy, huzzy I will have thee whip'd most
unmercifully : Nurse, fetch me the Rod.
Fan. Oh, pardon me, Sir, this one time, and I'll tell all.
[Kneels.
Sir I have seen him in the Garden, but not very often.
Sir Pat. Often! Oh, my Family's dishonoured. Tell
me truly what he us'd to do there, or I will have thee
whipt without cessation. Oh, I'm in a cold Sweat ; there's
my fine Maid, was he with her long?
Fan. Long enough.
Sir Pat. Long enough ! oh, 'tis so, long enough,
for what, hah ? my dainty Miss, tell me, and didst thou
leave 'em ?
Fan. They us'd to send me to gather Flowers to make
Nosegays, Sir.
Sir Pat. Ah, Demonstration ; 'tis evident if they were
left alone that they were naught, I know't. And where
were they the while? in the close Arbour? Ay, ay I
will have it cut down, it is the Pent-house of Iniquity,
the very Coverlid of Sin.
Fan. No, Sir, they sat on the Primrose Bank.
Sir Pat. What, did they sit all the while, or stand
or lie or oh, how was't ?
IV G
82 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
Fan. They only sat indeed, Sir Father.
Sir Pat. And thou didst not hear a Word they said all
the while ?
Fan. Yes, I did, Sir, and the Man talk'd a great deal
of this, and of that, and of t'other, and all the while
threw Jessamine in her Bosom.
Sir Pat. Well said, and did he nothing else?
Fan. No, indeed, Sir Father, nothing.
Sir Pat. But what did she say to the Man again ?
Fan. She said, let me see. Ay, she said, Lord, you'll
forget your self, and stay till somebody catch us.
Sir Pat. Ah, very fine, then what said he ?
Fan. Then he said, Well if I must be gone, let me
leave thee with this hearty Curse, A Pox take thee all
over for making me love thee so confoundedly.
SirPrff. Oh horrible!
Fan. Oh, I cou'd live here for ever, that was when
he kist her her Hand only. Are you not a damn'd
Woman for making so fond a Puppy of me ?
SirPtf/. Oh unheard-of Wickedness !
Fan. Wou'd the Devil had thee, and all thy Family,
e'er I had seen thy cursed Face.
Sir Pat. Oh, I'll hear no more, I'll hear no more !
why, what a blasphemous Wretch is this?
Fan. Pray, Sir Father, do not tell my Sister of this,
she'll be horribly angry with me.
Sir Pat. No, no, get you gone. Oh, I am Heart-sick
I'll up and consult with my Lady what's fit to be done
in this Affair. Oh, never was the like heard of.
[Goes out, Fanny and Nurse go the other way.
SCENE IV. The Lady "Fancy's Bed-Chamber; she's discovered
with Wittmore in disorder. A Table, Sword, and Hat.
Maun. [Entering.] O Madam, Sir Patient's coming up.
L. Fan. Coming up, say you !
Maun. He's almost on the top of the Stairs, Madam.
sc. iv] SIR PATIENT FANCY 83
Wit. What shall I do ?
L. Fan. Oh, damn him, I know not ; if he see thee
here after my pretended Illness, he must needs discover
why I feign'd. I have no excuse ready, this Chamber's
unlucky, there's no avoiding him ; here step behind the
Bed ; perhaps he has only forgot his Psalm-Book and will
not stay long. [Wittmore runs behind the Bed.
Enter Sir Patient.
Sir Pat. Oh, oh, pardon this Interruption, my Lady
Fancy, Oh, I am half killed, my Daughter, my Honour
my Daughter, my Reputation.
L. Fan. Good Heavens, Sir, is she dead ?
Sir Pat. I wou'd she were, her Portion and her Honour
would then be sav'd. But oh, I'm sick at Heart, Maundy,
fetch me the Bottle of Mirabilis in the Closet, she's
wanton, unchaste.
Enter Maundy with the Bottle.
Oh, I cannot speak it ; oh, the Bottle [Drinks] she has
lost her Fame, her Shame, her Name. Oh, [Drinks.]
that is not the right Bottle, that with the red Cork [Drinks]
[Exit Maundy.
and -is grown a very t'other-end-of-the-Town Creature,
a very Apple of Sodom, fair without and filthy within,
what shall we do with her ? she's lost, undone ; hah !
Enter Maundy.
let me see, [Drinks.] this is [Drinks.] not as I take it
[Drinks.] no, 'tis not the right, she's naught, she's
leud, [Drinks.] oh, how you vex me [Drinks] This
is not the right Bottle yet, [Drinks.] No, no, here.
[Gives her the Bottle.
Maun. You said that with the red Cork, Sir. [Goes out.
Sir Pat. I meant the blue ; I know not what I say.
In fine, my Lady, let's marry her out of hand, for she is
fall'n, fall'n to Perdition ; she understands more Wicked
ness than had she been bred in a profane Nunnery, a Court,
84 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
Enter Maundy.
or a Play-house, [Drinks] therefore let's marry her in
stantly, out of hand [Drinks.'] Misfortune on Misfortune.
[Drinks.] But Patience is a wonderful Virtue, [Drinks.]
Ha this is very comfortable, very consoling I pro
fess if it were not for these Creatures, ravishing Comforts,
sometimes, a Man were a very odd sort of an Animal
[Drinks] But ah see how all things were ordain'd for
the use and comfort of Man [Drinks.]
L. Fan. I like this well : Ah, Sir, 'tis very true, there
fore receive it plentifully and thankfully.
Sir Pat. [Drinks.] Ingenuously it hath made me mar
vellous lightsome ; I profess it hath a very notable Faculty,
very knavish and as it were, waggish, but hah, what
have we there on the Table ? a Sword and Hat?
[Sees Wittmore's Sword and Hat on the Table^ which
he had forgot.
L. Pan. Curse on my Dulness. Oh, these, Sir, they
are Mr. Fainlove^s he being so soon to be marry'd and
being straitned for time, sent these to Maundy to be new
trim'd with Ribbon, Sir that's all. Take 'em away, you
naughty Baggage, must I have Mens things seen in my
Chamber?
SirPtf/. Nay, nay, be not angry, my little Rogue; I
like the young Man's Frugality well. Go, go your ways,
get you gone, and fmefy your Knacks and Tranghams,
and do your Business go.
[Smiling on Maundy, gently beating her with his Hand :
she goes out, he bolts the Door after her^ and sits down
on the Bed's feet.
L. Fan. Heavens, what means he !
Sir Pat. Come hither to me, my little Ape's Face,
Come, come I say what, must I come fetch you?
Catch her, catch her catch her, catch her, catch her.
[Running after her.
L. Fan. Oh, Sir, I am so ill I can hardly stir.
sc. iv] SIR PATIENT FANCY 85
Sir Pat. I'll make ye well, come hither, ye Monky-face,
did it, did it, did it ? alas for it, a poor silly Fool's Face,
dive it a blow, and I'll beat it.
L. Fan. You neglect your Devotion, Sir.
Sir Pat. No, no, no Prayer to day, my little Rascal,
no Prayer to day poor Gogle's sick. Come hither, why,
you refractory Baggage you, come or I shall touze you,
ingenuously I shall; torn, torn, or I'll whip it.
L. Fan. Have you forgot your Daughter, Sir, and your
Disgrace ?
Sir Pat. A fiddle on my Daughter, she's a Chick of the old
Cock I profess ; I was just such another Wag when young.
But she shall be marry'd to morrow, a good Cloke for
her Knavery ; therefore come your ways, ye Wag, we'll
take a nap together : good faith, my little Harlot, I mean
thee no harm.
L. Fan. No, o' my Conscience.
SirPtf/. Why then, why then, you little Mungrel ?
L. Fan. His precise Worship is as it were disguis'd, the
outward Man is over-taken pray, Sir, lie down, and I'll
come to you presently.
Sir Pat. Away, you Wag, will you ? will you ? Catch
her there, catch her.
L. Fan. I will indeed, Death, there's no getting from
him, pray lie down and I'll cover thee close enough
I'll warrant thee. [Aside. [He lies down, she covers him.
Had ever Lovers such spiteful luck ! hah surely he
sleeps, bless the mistaken Bottle. Ay, he sleeps, whilst,
Wittmore [He corning out falls ; pulls the Chair down.
Sir Patient flings open the Curtain.
Wit. Plague of my over-care, what shall I do ?
Sir Pat. What's that, what Noise is that ? let me see,
we are not safe; lock up the Doors, what's the matter?
What Thunder-Clap was that?
[Wittmore rum under the Bed ; she runs to Sir Patient,
and holds him in his Bed.
86 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT iv
L. Fan. Pray, Sir, lie still, 'twas I was only going to
sit down, and a sudden Giddiness took me in my Head,
which made me fall, and with me the Chair ; there is no
danger near ye, Sir I was just coming to sleep by you.
Sir Pat. Go, you're a flattering Huswife ; go, catch her,
catch her, catch her. [Lies down, she covers him.
L. Fan. Oh, how I tremble at the dismal apprehension
of being discover'd ! Had I secur'd my self of the eight
thousand Pound, I wou'd not value Wittmore^s being seen.
But now to be found out, wou'd call my Wit in question,
for 'tis the Fortunate alone are wise.
[Wittmorc peeps from under the Bed , she goes softly to
the Door to open It.
Wit. Was ever Man so plagu'd ? hah what's this ?
confound my tell-tale Watch, the Larum goes, and there's
no getting to't to silence it. Damn'd Misfortune !
[Sir Patient rises, and flings open the Curtains.
Sir Pat. Hah, what's that?
L. Fan. Heavens! what's the matter ? we are destin'd to
discovery. [She runs to Sir Patient, and leaves the Door stillfast.
Sir Pat. What's that I say, what's that ? let me see, let
me see, what ringing's that, Oh, let me see what 'tis.
[Strives to get #/>, she holds him down.
L. Fan. Oh, now I see my Fate's inevitable ! Alas,
that ever I was born to see't. [Weeps.
Wit. Death, she'll tell him I am here : Nay, he must
know't, a Pox of all Invention and Mechanicks, and he
were damn'd that first contriv'd a Watch.
Sir Pat. Hah, dost weep? why dost weep? I say,
what Noise is that? what ringing? hah.
L. Fan. 'Tis that, 'tis that, my Dear, that makes me
weep. Alas, I never hear this fatal Noise, but some dear
Friend dies.
Sir Pat. Hah, dies ! Oh, that must be I, ay, ay, Oh.
L.Fan. I've heard it, Sir, this two Days, but wou'd
not tell you of it.
sc. iv] SIR PATIENT FANCY 87
Sir Pa/. Hah ! heard it these two Days! Oh, what is't
a Death-watch ? hah.
L. Fan, Ay, Sir, a Death-watch, a certain Larum
Death-watch, a thing that has warn'd our Family this
hundred Years, oh, I'm the most undone Woman !
Wit. A Blessing on her for a dear dissembling Jilt
Death and the Devil, will it never cease?
Sir Pat. A Death-watch ! ah, 'tis so, I've often heard
of these things methinks it sounds as if 'twere under the
Bed. [Offers to look, she holds him.
L. Fan. You think so, Sir, but that 'tis about the Bed
is my Grief; it therefore threatens you : Oh wretched
Woman !
Sir Pat. Ay, ay, I'm too happy in a Wife to live long :
Well, I will settle my House at Hogsdowne, with the Land
about it, which is 5<DO/. a Year upon thee, live or die,
do not grieve. [Lays himself down.
L. Fan. Oh, I never had more Cause ; come try to
sleep, your Fate may be diverted whilst I'll to Prayers
for your dear Health. [Covers him, draws the Curtains.']
I have almost run out all my stock of Hypocrisy, and that
hated Art now fails me. Oh all ye Powers that favour
distrest Lovers, assist us now, and I'll provide against your
future Malice. [She makes Signs to Wittmore, he peeps.
Wit. I'm impatient of Freedom, yet so much Happi
ness as I but now injoy'd without this part of Suffering
had made me too blest. Death and Damnation ! what
curst luck have I ?
[Makes Signs to her to open the Door : whilst he creeps
softly from under the Bed to the Table, by which going
to raise himself ~, he pulls down all the Dressing-things :
at the same instant Sir Patient leaps from the Bed, and
she returns from the Door^and sits on Wittmore's .##<:>
as he lies on his Hands and Knees, and makes as if she
swooned.
Sir Pat. What's the matter r what's the matter ? has
88 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACTIV, sc. iv
Satan broke his everlasting Chain, and got loose abroad
to plague poor Mortals ? hah what's the matter ?
[Runs to his Lady.
L. Fan. Oh, help, I die I faint run down, and call
for help.
Sir Pat. My Lady dying? oh, she's gone, she faints,
what ho, who waits? [Cries and hauls.
L. Fan. Oh, go down and bring me help, the Door is
lock'd, they cannot hear ye, oh I go I die.
\_He opens the Door^ and calls help^ help.
Wit. Damn him ! there's no escaping without I kill the
Dog. [From under her^ peeping.
L. Fan. Lie still, or we are undone.
Sir Patient returns with Maundy.
Maun. Hah, discover'd !
Sir Pat. Help, help, my Lady dies.
Maun. Oh, I perceive how 'tis. Alas, she's dead, quite
gone; oh, rub her Temples, Sir.
Sir Pat. Oh, I'm undone then, [Weeps.] Oh my
Dear, my virtuous Lady !
Ln. Fan. Oh, where'smy Husband, my dearest Husband
Oh, bring him near me.
Sir Pat. I'm here, my excellent Lady.
[She takes him about the Neck^ and raises her self />,
gives Wittmore a little kick behind.
IVit. Oh the dear lovely Hypocrite, was ever Man so
near discovery ? [Goes out.
Sir Pat. Oh, how hard she presses my Head to her
Bosom !
Maun. Ah, that grasping hard, Sir, is a very bad Sign.
Sir Pat. How does my good, my dearest Lady Fancy ?
L. Fan. Something better now, give me more Air,
that dismal Larum Death-watch had almost kill'd me.
Sir Pat. Ah precious Creature, how she afflicts her self
for me. Come, let's walk into the Dining-room, 'tis
ACTV,SC. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 89
more airy, from thence into my Study, and make thy self
Mistress of that Fortune I have designed thee, thou best
of Women. [Exeunt , leading her.
ACT V.
SCENE I. A Room In Sir Patient Fancy's House.
A Table, and six Chairs.
Enter Isabella reading a Letter, Betty tricking her.
hah. How came you by this Letter ?
Bet. Miss Fanny receiv'd it by a String from his
Window, by which he took up that you writ to him
this Morning.
Isab. What means this nicety ? forbear I say.
[Puts Betty from her.
Bet. You cannot be too fine upon your Wedding-day.
Isab. Thou art mistaken, leave me, whatever he says
here to satisfy my Jealousy, I am confirmed that he was
false : yet this assurance to free me from this intended
Marriage, makes me resolve to pardon him, however
guilty.
Enter Wittmore.
How now ! what means this Insolence? How dare you,
having so lately made your guilty approaches, venture
again into my presence?
Wit. Why? Is there any danger, but what's so visible
in those fair Eyes?
Isab. And there may lie enough, Sir, when they're
angry. By what Authority do you make this saucy Visit?
Wit. That of a Husband, Madam ; I come to con
gratulate the mighty Joy this Day will bring you.
Isab. Thou darst not marry me, there will be danger in't.
Wit. Why, sure you do not carry Death in your Em
braces, I find no Terror in that lovely Shape, no Daggers
in that pretty scornful Look ; that Breath that utters so
90 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
much Anger now, last night was sweet as new-blown
Roses are, and spoke such Words, so tender and so kind.
Lab. And canst thou think they were address'd to thee ?
Wit. No, nor cou'd the Shade of Night hide the Con
fusion which disordered you, at the discovery that I was
not he, the blessed he you look'd for.
Isab. Leave me, thou hated Object of my Soul.
Wit. This will not serve your turn, for I must marry you.
Isab. Then thou art a Fool, and drawest thy Ruin on;
why, I will hate thee, hate thee most extremely.
Wit. That will not anger me.
Isab. Why, I will never let thee touch me, nor kiss my
Hand, nor come into my sight.
Wit. Are there no other Women kind, fair, and to be
purchased ? he cannot starve for Beauty in this Age, that
has a stock to buy.
Isab. Why, I will cuckold thee, look to't, I will most
damnably.
Wit. So wou'd you, had you lov'd me, in a year or two;
therefore like a kind civil Husband, I've made provision
for you, a Friend, and one I dare trust my Honour with,
'tis Mr. Knowell, Madam.
Isab. Lodwickl What Devil brought that Name to his
knowledge ? Canst thou know him, and yet dare hope to
marry me?
Wit. We have agreed it, and on these conditions.
Isab. Thou basely injurest him, he cannot do a Deed
he ought to blush for : Lodwick do this ! Oh, do not credit
it, prithee be just and kind for thy own Honour's sake ;
be quickly so, the hasty minutes fly, and will anon make
up the fatal Hour that will undo me.
Wit. 'Tis true, within an hour you must submit to
Hymen, there's no avoiding it.
Isab. Nay, then be gone, my poor submissive Prayers,
and all that dull Obedience Custom has made us Slaves
to* Do sacrifice me, lead me to the Altar, and see if
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 91
all the holy mystick Words can conjure from me the con
senting Syllable : No, I will not add one word to make
the Charm complete, but stand as silent in the incbanting
Circle, as if the Priests were raising Devils there.
Enter Lodwick.
Lad. Enough, enough, my charming Isabella, I am
confirmed.
hab. Lodwick! what good Angel conducted thee hither?
Lod. E'en honest Charles Wittmore here, thy Friend
and mine, no Bug-bear Lover he.
hab. Wittmore I that Friend I've often heard thee
name? Now some kind mischief on him, he has so
frighted me, I scarce can bring my Sense to so much order,
to thank him that he loves me not.
Lod. Thou shalt defer that payment to more leisure;
we're Men of business now. My Mother, knowing of a
Consultation of Physicians which your Father has this day
appointed to meet at his House, has bribed Monsieur Tur-
boone his French Doctor in Pension, to admit of a Doctor
or two of her recommending, who shall amuse him with
discourse till we get ourselves married ; and to make it
the more ridiculous, I will release Sir Credulous from the
Basket, I saw it in the Hall as I came through, we shall
have need of the Fool. [Exit Wittmore.
Enter Wittmore, pulling in the Basket.
Wit. 'Twill do well.
Lod. Sir Credulous, how is't, Man ? [Opens the Basket.
Sir Cred. What, am I not at the Carrier's yet ? Oh
Lodwick, thy Hand, I'm almost poison'd This Basket
wants airing extremely, it smells like an old Lady's
Wedding Gown of my acquaintance. But what's the
danger past, Man ?
Lod. No, but there's a necessity of your being for some
time disguis'd to act a Physician.
92 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Sir Cred. How ! a Physician ! that I can easily do, for
I understand Simples.
Lod. That's not material, so you can but banter well,
be very grave, and put on a starch'd Countenance.
Sir Cred. Banter ! what's that, Man ?
Lod. Why, Sir, talking very much, and meaning just
nothing ; be full of Words without any connection, sense
or conclusion. Come in with me, and I'll instruct you
farther.
Sir Cred. Pshaw, is that all ? say no more on't, I'll do't,
let me alone for Bantering But this same damn'd Rival
Lod. He's now watching for you without and means
to souse upon you; but trust to me for your security;
come away, I have your Habit ready. [Goes outj] This
day shall make thee mine, dear Isabella.
[Exit Lodwick and Wittmore.
Enter Sir Patient, Leander, and Roger.
SirP<v/. Marry Lucretia! is there no Woman in the
City fit for you, but the Daughter of the most notorious
fantastical Lady within the Walls?
Lean. Yet that fantastical Lady you thought fit for a
Wife for me, Sir.
Sir Pat. Yes, Sir, Foppery with Money had been some
thing; but a poor Fop, hang't, 'tis abominable.
Lean. Pray hear me, Sir.
Sir Pat. Sirrah, Sirrah, you're a Jackanapes, ingenuously
you are, Sir : marry Lucretia^ quoth he ?
Lean. If it were so, Sir, where's her fault ?
Sir Pat. Why, Mr. Coxcomb, all over. Did I with so
much care endeavour to marry thee to the Mother, only
to give thee opportunity with Lucretia?
Enter Lady Knowell.
Lean. This Anger shews your great Concern for me.
Sir Pat. For my Name I am, but 'twere no matter if
thou wert hang'd, and thou deservest it for thy leud
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 93
cavaliering Opinion. They say thou art a Papist too, or
at least a Church-of- England Man, and I profess there's
not a Pin to chuse. Marry Lucretia!
L. Kno. Were I querimonious, I shou'd resent the
Affront this Balatroon has offer'd me.
Isab. Dear Madam, for my sake do not anger him now.
[Aside to her.
L. Kno. Upon my Honour, you are very free with my
Daughter, Sir.
Sir Pat. How ! she here ! now for a Peal from her
eternal Clapper; I had rather be confin'd to an Iron-mill.
L. Kno. Sure Lucretia merits a Husband of as much
worth as your Nephew, Sir.
Sir Pat. A better, Madam, for he's the leudest Hector
in the Town ; he has all the Vices of Youth, Whoring,
Swearing, Drinking, Damning, Fighting, and a thousand
more, numberless and nameless.
L. Kno. Time, Sir, may make him more abstemious.
Sir Pat. Oh, never, Madam! 'tis in's Nature, he was
born with it, he's given over to Reprobation, 'tis bred i'th'
bone, he's lost.
Lean. This is the first good Office that ever he did me.
L. Kno. What think you, Sir, if in defiance of your
Inurbanity, I take him with all these Faults my self?
Sir Pat. How, Madam !
L. Kno. Without more Ambages, Sir, I have consider'd
your former Desires, and have consented to marry him,
notwithstanding your Exprobrations.
Sir Pat. May I believe this, Madam? and has your
Ladyship that Goodness? and hast thou, my Boy, so
much Wit ? Why, this is something now. Well, he was
ever the best and sweetest-natur'd Youth. Why, what a
notable Wag's this? and is it true, my Boy, hah?
Lean. Yes, Sir, I had told you so before, had you
permitted me to speak.
Sir Pat. Well, Madam, he is only fit for your excellent
94 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Ladyship, he is the prettiest civillest Lad. Well, go thy
ways ; I shall never see the like of thee; no Ingenuously,
the Boy's made for ever; two thousand Pounds a Year,
besides Money, Plate and Jewels ; made for ever. Well,
Madam, the satisfaction I take in this Alliance, has made
me resolve to give him immediately my Writings of all
my Land in Berkshire, five hundred Pounds a year, Madam:
and I wou'd have you married this Morning with my
Daughter, so one Dinner and one Rejoicing will serve both.
L.Kno. That, Sir, we have already agreed upon.
Sir Pat. Well, I'll fetch the Writings. Come, Isabella,
I'll not trust you out of my sight to day.
[Ex. Sir Pat. and Isab.
Lean. Well then, Madam, you are resolv'd upon this
business of Matrimony.
L. Kno. Was it not concluded between us, Sir, this
Morning ? and at the near approach do you begin to fear ?
Lean. Nothing, Madam, since I'm convinc'd of your
Goodness.
L. Kno. You flatter, Sir, this is mere Adulation.
Lean. No, I am that wild Extravagant my Uncle
rendered me, and cannot live confm'd.
L. Kno. To one Woman you mean ? I shall not stand
with you for a Mistress or two ; I hate a dull morose un
fashionable Blockhead to my Husband ; nor shall I be the
first example of a suffering Wife, Sir. Women v^ere_
created poor obedient things.
"" Lean. And~can you be content to spare me five or six
nights in a week?
L. Kno. Oh, you're too reasonable.
Lean. And for the rest, if I get drunk, perhaps I'll give
to you : yet in my drink I'm damn'd ill-natur'd too,
and may neglect my Duty ; perhaps shall be so wicked, to
call you cunning, deceitful, jilting, base, and swear you
have undone me, swear you have ravish'd from my faithful
Heart all that cou'd make it bless'd or happy.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 95
Enter Lucretia weeping.
L. Kno. How now, Lucretia !
Lucr. Oh Madam, give me leave to kneel before, and
tell you, if you pursue the Cruelty I hear you're going
to commit, I am the most lost, most wretched Maid that
breathes ; we two have plighted Faiths, and shou'd you
marry him, 'twere so to sin as Heaven would never pardon.
L. Kno. Rise, Fool.
Lucr. Never till you have given me back Leander, or
leave to live no more. Pray kill me, Madam ; and the
same Flowers that deck your nuptial Bed,
Shall serve to strow my Herse, when I shall lie
A dead cold Witness of your Tyranny.
L. Kno. Rise ; I still design'd him yours. I saw with
pleasure, Sir, your reclination from my Addresses. I
have proved both your Passions, and 'twere unkind not
to crown 'em with the due Praemium of each others
Merits. [Gives her to Lean.
Lean. Can Heaven and you agree to be so bountiful ?
L. Kno. Be not amaz'd at this turn, Rotat omne fatum.
But no more, keep still that mask of Love we first put
on, till you have gain'd the Writings : for I have no Joy
beyond cheating that filthy Uncle of thine. Lucretia,
wipe your Eyes, and prepare for Hymen, the Hour draws
near. Tbalessio, Thalessio, as the Romans cry'd.
Lucr. May you still be admir'd as you deserve !
Enter Sir Patient with Writings, and Isabella.
Sir Pat. How, Madam Lucretia, and in Tears?
L. Kno. A little disgusted, Sir, with her Father-in-law,
Sir.
Sir Pat. Oh, is that all ? hold up thy Head, Sweet-heart,
thy turn's next. Here, Madam, I surrender my Title,
with these Writings, and with 'em my Joy, my Life, my
Darling, my Leander. Now let's away, where's Mr,
Fainlove ?
96 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Isab. He's but stept into Cbeapside, to fit the Ring,
Sir, and will be here immediately.
Sir Pat. I have Business anon about eleven of the
Clock, a Consultation of Physicians, to confer about this
Carcase of mine.
Lean. Physicians, Sir, what to do ?
Sir Pat. To do ! why, to take their advice, Sir, and to
follow it.
Lean. For what, I beseech you, Sir ?
Sir Pat. Why, Sir, for my Health.
Lean. I believe you are not sick, Sir, unless they make
you so.
Sir Pat. They make me so! Do you hear him,
Madam Am not I sick, Sir ? not I, Sir Patient Fancy y sick ?
L. Kno. He'll destroy my Design. How, Mr. Fancy,
not Sir Patient sick? or must he be incinerated before
you'll credit it?
Sir Pat Ay, Madam, I want but dying to undeceive
him, and yet I am not sick !
Lean. Sir, I love your Life, and wou'd not have you
die with Fancy and Conceit.
SirPrt^. Fancy and Conceit! do "but observe him,
Madam, what do you mean, Sir, by Fancy and Conceit ?
L,. Kno. He'll ruin all; why, Sir, he means
Sir Pat. Nay, let him alone, let him alone, (with your
Ladyship's pardon) Come, Sir, Fancy and Conceit, I
take it, was the Question in debate.
Lean. I cannot prove this to you, Sir, by force of
Argument, but by Demonstration I will, if you will banish
all your cozening Quacks, and take my wholesome Advice.
Sir Pat. Do but hear him, Madam : not prove it !
L. Kno. Sir, he means nothing. Not sick ! alas, Sir,
you're very sick.
Sir Pat. Ay, ay, your Ladyship is a Lady of profound
Knowledge. Why, have I not had the advice of all the
Doctors in England, and have I not been in continual
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 97
Physick this twenty Years : and yet I am not sick !
Ask my dear Lady, Sir, how sick I am, she can inform
you. [Z,. Kno. goes and talks to Isab.
Lean. She does her endeavour, Sir, to keep up the
Humour.
Sir Pat. How, Sir ?
Lean. She wishes you dead, Sir.
Sir Pat. What said the Rascal ? wishes me dead !
Lean. Sir, she hates you.
Sir Pat. How ! hate me ! what, my Lady hate me ?
Lean. She abuses your Love, plays tricks with ye, and
cheats ye, Sir.
Sir Pat. Was ever so profane a Wretch ! What, you
will not prove this neither?
Lean. Yes, by demonstration too.
Sir Pat. Why, thou saucy Varlet, Sirrah, Sirrah, thank
my Lady here I do not cudgel thee. Well, I will settle
the rest of my Estate upon her to morrow, I will, Sir ; and
thank God you have what you have, Sir, make much on't.
Lean. Pardon me, Sir, 'tis not my single Opinion, but
the whole City takes notice on't : that I tell it you, Sir,
is the Effect of my Duty, not Interest. Pray give me leave
to prove this to you, Sir.
Sir Pat. What, you are at your Demonstration again ?
come let's hear.
Lean. Why, Sir, give her frequent opportunities, and
then surprize her ; or, by pretending to settle all upon
her, give her your Power, and see if she do not turn you
out of Doors ; or by feigning you are sick to death
or indeed by dying.
Sir Pat. I thank you, Sir, this indeed is Demonstra
tion, I take it. [Pulls off his Hat.
Lean. I mean but feigning, Sir ; and be a witness your
self of her Sorrow, or Contempt.
SirPat. \_Pauses.~\ Hah hum, why, ingenuously, this
may be a very pretty Project. Well, Sir, suppose I follow
IV H
98 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
your advice ? nay, I profess I will do so, not to try her
Faith, but to have the pleasure to hear her conjugal
Lamentations, feel her Tears bedew my Face, and her
sweet Mouth kissing my Cheeks a thousand times ; verily
a wonderful Comfort. And then, Sir, what becomes of
your Demonstration ?
Enter Wittmore with the Ring.
Oh Mr. Fainlove^ come, come, you're tardy, let's away
to Church.
Enter Roger.
Rog. Sir, here is Doctor Turboon, and those other
Doctors your Worship expected.
Enter Lady Fancy and Bartholomew.
Sir Pat. The Doctors already ! well, bring 'em up ;
come, Madam, we have waited for your Ladyship,
bring up the Doctors, Roger. [Exit Roger.
L. Fan. Wittmore^ I have now brought that design to
a happy Conclusion, for which I married this formal Ass ;
I'll tell thee more anon, we are observ'd.
L. Kno. Oh, Lodwick's come !
Enter Lodwick, Monsieur Turboon, Fat Doctor^
Amsterdam, Leyden, Sir Credulous.
Sir Pat. Doctor Turboon^ your Servant, I expected you
not this two hours.
Turb. Nor had ee com, Sir, bot for dese wordy Gentle
men, whos Affairs wode not permit dem to come at your
hoar.
Sir Pat. Are they English pray ?
Turb. Dis is, Sir, \_Pointing to Lod.] an admirable
Physician, and a rare Astrologer. Dis speaks good Eng
lish^ bot a Collender born. [Points to Sir Cred.
Sir Cred. What a pox, does the Fellow call me a
Cullender ?
Lod. He means a High-Dutch-man of the Town of
Co lien , Sir.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 99
Sir Pat. Sir, I have heard of your Fame. Doctor,
pray entertain these Gentlemen till my return, I'll be
with you presently.
Lod. Sir, I hope you go not forth to day.
[Gazing on his Face.
Sir Pat. Not far, Sir.
Lod. There is a certain Star has rul'd this two days,
Sir, of a very malignant Influence to Persons of your
Complection and Constitution. Let me see within
this two hours and six minutes, its Malice will be spent,
till then it will be fatal.
Sir Pat. Hum, reign'd this two Days ? I profess and
things have gone very cross with me this two Days, a
notable Man this.
L. Kno. Oh, a very profound Astrologer, Sir, upon my
Honour, I know him.
Sir Pat. But this is an Affair of that Importance, Sir,
Lod. If it be more than Health or Life, I beg your
pardon, Sir.
Sir Pat. Nay, no Offence, Sir, I beseech you, I'll stay, Sir.
L. Kno. How ! Sir Patient not see us married ?
Sir Pat. You shall excuse me, Madam.
L. Fan. This was lucky; Oh Madam, wou'd you have
my Dear venture out, when a malignant Star reigns ! not
for the World.
Sir Pat. No, I'll not stir ; had it been any Star but a
malignant Star, I had waited on your Ladyship: but these
malignant Stars are very pernicious Stars. Nephew, take
my Lady Knowell^ Mr. Fainlove my Daughter; and Bar
tholomew do you conduct my Lady, the Parson stays for
you, and the Coaches are at the Door.
[Exeunt L. Kno. Lean. Wit. and Isab. L. Fancy and
Bartholomew.
Enter Boy.
Boy. Sir, my Lady has sent for you. [Exit.
ioo SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Lod. Sir, I'll be with you presently ; Sir Credulous, be
sure you lug him by the Ears with any sort of Stufftill my
return. I'll send you a Friend to keep you in countenance.
SirPrf/. Please you to sit, Gentlemen ? [Exit Lod.
Amst. Please you, Sir.
[ To Sir Cred. who bows and runs back.
Sir Cred. Oh Lord, sweet Sir, I hope you do not take
me Nay, I beseech you, Noble Sir Reverend Sir.
[ Turning from one to t'other.
Leyd. By no means, Sir, a Stranger.
Sir Cred. I beseech you Scavantissimi Doctores, in
comparable Sir, and you or you.
Fat D. In troth, Sir, these Compliments are needless,
I am something corpulent, and love my ease. [Sits.
Sir Cred. Generous Sir, you say well ; therefore Con-
licentia, as the Grecians have it. [Sits.
Amst. Brother.
Leyd. Nay, good Brother, Sir Patient
SirPfl/. Ingenuously, not before you, Mr. Doctor.
Leyd. Excuse me, Sir, an Alderman, and a Knight.
Sir Pat. Both below the least of the learned Society.
Leyd. Since you will have it so.
[All sit and cry hum, and look gravely.
Sir Cred. Hum hum, most Worthy, and most Re
nowned Medicines Professores, qui hie assemblati estis, &
vos altri Messiores ; I am now going to make a Motion
for the publick Good of us all, but will do nothing without
your Doctorships Approbation.
Sir Pat. Judiciously concluded.
Sir Cred. The question then is, Reverentissimi Doctor es,
whether for mark me, I come to the matter in hand,
hating long Circumstances of Words ; there being no
necessity, as our learned Brother Rabelais observes in that
most notorious Treatise of his call'd Garagantua ; there
is, says he, no necessity of going over the Hedge when
the Path lies fair before ye : therefore, as I said before,
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 101
I now say again, coming to my Question j for as that
admirable Welch Divine says, in that so famous Sermon
of his, upon her Great Cran father Hadam and her Great
Cranmother Heeve concerning the Happell, and her will,
warrant her, her will keep her to her Text still, so I
stick close to my question, which is, Illustrissimi Doctores,
whether it be not necessary to the Affair in hand to take
a Bottle ; and if your Doctorships are of my opinion
hold up your Thumbs. [All hold up their Thumbs.
Look, Sir, you observe the Votes of the learned C aba lists.
Sir Pat. Which shall be put in Act forthwith I like this
Man well, he does nothing without mature Deliberation.
Enter Brunswick.
Brun. By your leaves, Gentlemen Sir Credulous
[Whispers.
Sir Cred. Oh 'tis Lodwick's Friend, the Rascal's dress'd
like Panderbergen in the Strand : Sir Patient, pray know
this glorious Doctor, Sir.
Sir Pat. A Doctor, Sir?
Sir Cred. A Doctor, Sir ! yes, and as eloquent a Doctor,
Sir, as ever set Bill to Post : why, 'tis the incomparable
Brunswick, High-Dutch Doctor.
Sir Pat. You're welcome, Sir, Pray sit; ah. Well,
Sir, you are come to visit a very crazy sickly Person, Sir.
Brun. Pray let me feel your Pulse, Sir ; what think
you, Gentlemen, is he not very far gone ?
[Feels his Pulse, they a II feel.
Sir Cred. Ah, far, far. Pray, Sir, have you not a
certain wambling Pain in your Stomach, Sir, as it were,
Sir, a a pain, Sir.
Sir Pat. Oh, very great, Sir, especially in a Morning
fasting.
Sir Cred. I knew it by your stinking Breath, Sir and
are you not troubled with a Pain in your Head, Sir r
Sir Pat. In my Head, Sir ?
1O2 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Sir Cred. I mean a kind of a Pain, a kind of a
Vertigo, as the Latins call it ; and a JWirligigoustiphon, as
the Gravfo have it, which signifies in English, Sir, a
Dizzie-swimming kind of a do ye see a thing that
a you understand me.
Sir Pat. Oh, intolerable, intolerable! why, this is a
rare Man !
Fat D. Your Reason, Sir, for that? [To Sir Cred.
Sir Cred. My Reason, Sir ? why, my Reason, Sir, is this,
Haly the Moore, and Rabbi Isaac, and some thousands
more of learned Dutchmen, observe your dull Wall Eye
and your Whir PPhirligigoustiphon, to be inseparable.
Brun. A most learned Reason !
Fat D. Oh, Sir, inseparable.
Sir Cred. And have you not a kind of a something
do ye mark me, when you make Water, a kind of a
stopping and a do ye conceive me, I have forgot the
English Term, Sir, but in Latin 'tis a Stronggullionibus.
Sir Pat. Oh, Sir, most extremely, 'tis that which makes
me desperate, Sir.
Sir Cred. Your ugly Face is an infallible Sign ; your
Dysurie, as the Arabicks call it, and your ill-favour'd
Countenance, are constant Relatives.
All. Constant, constant.
Sir Cred. Pray how do you eat, Sir ?
Sir Pat. Ah, Sir, there's my distraction. Alas, Sir, I
have the weakest Stomach I do not make above four
Meals a-day, and then indeed I eat heartily but alas,
what's that to eating to live? nothing, Sir, nothing.
Sir Cred. Poor Heart, I pity him.
Sir Pat. And between Meals, good Wine, Sweet-meats,
Caudles, Cordials and Mirabilises, to keep up my fainting
Spirits.
Sir Cred. A Pox of his Aldermanship : an the whole
Bench were such notable Swingers, 'twould famish the
City sooner than a Siege.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 103
Amst. Brothers, what do you think of this Man?
Leyd. Think, Sir ? I think his Case is desperate.
Sir Cred. Shaw, Sir, we shall soon rectify the quiblets
and quillities of his Blood, if he observes our Directions
and Diet, which is to eat but once in four or five days.
Sir Pat. How, Sir, eat but once in four or five days?
such a Diet, Sir, would kill me ; alas, Sir, kill me.
Sir Cred. Oh no, Sir, no ; for look ye, Sir, the Case
is thus, do you mind me so that the Business lying so
obvious, do ye see, there is a certain Method, do ye mark
me in a Now, Sir, when a Man goes about to alter the
course of Nature, the case is very plain, you may as well
arrest the Chariot of the Sun, or alter the Eclipses of the
Moon ; for, Sir, this being of another Nature, the Nature
of it is to be unnatural, you conceive me, Sir? therefore
we must crave your absence, Sir, for a few Minutes, till
we have debated this great Affair.
Sir Pat. With all my heart, Sir, since my Case is so
desperate, a few hours were not too much. [Ex. Sir Pat.
Sir Cred. Now, Sir, my service to you. [Drinks.
Enter Fanny.
Fan. Oh living heart ! what do all these Men do in
our House ? sure they are a sort of new-fashion'd Con-
venticlers : I'll hear 'em preach.
[ They drink round the while.
Amst. Sir, my service to you, and to your good Lady, Sir.
Leyd. Again to you, Sir, not forgetting your Daughters :
they are fine Women, Sir, let Scandal do its worst.
[Drinks.
Turb. To our better trading, Sir.
Brun. Faith, it goes but badly on, I had the weekly Bill,
and 'twas a very thin Mortality ; some of the better sort
die indeed, that have good round Fees to give.
Turb. Verily, I have not kill'd above my five or six this
Week.
IO4 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Brun. How, Sir, kill'd ?
Turb. Kill'd, Sir ! ever whilst you live, especially those
who have the grand Verole ; for 'tis not for a Man's Credit
to let the Patient want an Eye or a Nose, or some other
thing. I have kill'd ye my five or six dozen a Week
but times are hard.
Brun. I grant ye, Sir, your Poor for Experiment and
Improvement of Knowledge: and to say truth, there ought
to be such Scavengers as we to sweep away the Rubbish
of the Nation. [Sir Cred. and Fat seeming In Discourse.
Sir Cred. Nay, an you talk of a Beast, my service to
you, Sir [Drinks. "\ Ay, I lost the finest Beast of a Mare
in all Devonshire.
FatD. And I the finest Spaniel, Sir.
[Here they all talk together till you come to purpose,
Sir.
Turb. Pray, what News is there stirring?
Brun. Faith, Sir, I am one of those Fools that never
regard whether Lewis or Philip have the better or the worst.
Turb. Peace is a great Blessing, Sir, a very great Blessing.
Brun. You are i'th right, Sir, and so my service to you, Sir.
Leyd. Well, Sir, Stetin held out nobly, though the
Gazettes are various.
Amst. There's a world of Men kill'd they say ; why,
what a shame 'tis so many thousands should die without
the help of a Physician.
Leyd. Hang 'em, they were poor Rogues, and not
worth our killing; my service to you, Sir, they'll serve
to fill up Trenches.
Sir Cred. Spaniel, Sir! no Man breathing understands
Dogs and Horses better than my self.
Fat D. Your pardon for that, Sir.
Sir Cred. For look ye, Sir, I'll tell you the Nature of
Dogs and Horses.
Fat D. So can my Groom and Dog-keeper ; but what's
this to th' purpose, Sir? [Here they leave off.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 105
Sir Cred. To th' purpose, Sir ! good Mr. Hedleburgh,
do you understand what's to th' purpose? you're a Dutch
Butter-ferkin, a Kilderkin, a Double Jug.
FatD. You're an ignorant Blockhead, Sir.
Sir Cred. You lye, Sir, and there I was with you again.
Amst. What, quarrelling, Men of your Gravity and
Profession.
Sir Cred. That is to say, Fools and Knaves: pray, how
long is't since you left Toping and Napping, for Quack
ing, good Brother Cater-tray? but let that pass, for I'll
have my Humour, and therefore will quarrel with no
Man, and so I drink. [Goes to fill again.
Brun. But, what's all this to the Patient, Gentlemen?
Sir Cred. Ay, the Wine's all out, and Quarrels apart,
Gentlemen, as you say, what do you think of our Patient ?
for something I conceive necessary to be said for our Fees.
Fat D. I think that unless he follows our Prescriptions
he's a dead Man.
Sir Cred. Ay, Sir, a dead Man.
Fat D. Please you to write, Sir, you seem the youngest
Doctor. [To Amst.
Amst. Your Pardon, Sir, I conceive there may be younger
Doctors than I at the Board.
Sir Cred. A fine Punctilio this, when a Man lies a
dying [Aside.] Sir, you shall excuse me, I have been a
Doctor this 7 Years.
[They shove the Pen and Paper from one to the other.
Amst. I commenc'd at Paris twenty years ago.
Leyd. And I at Leyden, almost as long since.
Fat D. And I at Barcelona thirty.
Sir Cred. And I at Padua^ Sir.
Fat D. You at Padua ?
Sir Cred. Yes, Sir, I at Padua ,- why, what a pox, do ye
think I never was beyond Sea ?
Brun. However, Sir, you are the youngest Doctor, and
must write.
io6 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Sir Cred. I will not lose an inch of my Dignity.
Fat D. Nor I.
Amst. Nor I.
Leyd. Nor I. [Put the Paper from each other.
Brun. Death, what Rascals are these?
Sir Cred. Give me the Pen here's ado about your
Paduas and Punctilioes. [Sets himself to write.
Amst. Every morning a Dose of my Pills Merda que-
orusticon, or the Amicable Pill.
Sir Cred. Fasting ?
Leyd. Every Hour sixscore drops of Adminicula Fitcs.
Sir Cred. Fasting too? [Sir Cred. writes still.
Fat D. At Night twelve Cordial Pills, Gallimofriticus.
Turb. Let Blood once a Week, a Glister once a day.
Brun. Cry Mercy, Sir, you're a French Man. After
his first Sleep, threescore restorative Pills, call'd Cheatus
Redivivus.
Sir Crtd. And lastly, fifteen Spoonfuls of my Aqua
Tetrachymagogon^ as often as 'tis necessary ; little or no
Breakfast, less Dinner, and go supperless to Bed.
Fat D. Hum, your Aqua Tetrachymagogon ?
Sir Cred. Yes, Sir, my Tetrachymagogon ; for look ye,
do you see, Sir, I cur'd the Arch-Duke of Strumbulo
of a GondileerOy of which he dy'd, with this very Aqua
Tetrachymagogon .
Enter Sir Patient.
Sir Pat. Well, Gentlemen, am I not an intruder?
Fat D. Sir, we have duly consider'd the state of your
Body ; and are now about the Order and Method you are
to observe.
Brun. Ay, this Distemper will be the occasion of his
Death.
Sir Cred. Hold, Brothers, I do not say the occasion of
his Death ; but the occasional Cause of his Death.
[Sir Pat. reads the Bill.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 107
Sir Pat. Why, here's no time allow'd for eating,
Gentlemen.
Amst. Sir, we'll justify this Prescription to the whole
College.
Leyd. If he will not follow it, let him die.
All. Ay, let him die.
Enter Lodwick and Leander.
Lod. What, have you consulted without me, Gentle
men ? [Lod. reads the Bill.
Sir Pat. Yes, Sir, and find it absolutely necessary for
my Health, Sir, I shou'd be starv'd : and yet you say I
am not sick, Sir. [ To Lean.
Lod. Very well, very well.
Sir Pat. No Breakfast, no Dinner, no Supper ?
Sir Cred. Little or none, but none's best.
Sir Pat. But, Gentlemen, consider, no small thing?
All. Nothing, nothing.
Sir Cred. Sir, you must write for your Fee. [To Lod.
Lod. Now I think on't, Sir, you may eat \_W rites.
a roasted Pippin cold upon a Vine-leaf, at night.
Lean. Do you see, Sir, what damn'd canting Rascals
these Doctors are ?
Sir Pat. Ay, ay, if all Doctors were such, ingenuously,
I shou'd soon be weary of Physick.
Lean. Give 'em their Fees, Sir, and send 'em to the
Devil for a Company of Cheats.
Sir Pat. Truth is, there is no faith in 'em, well, I
thank you for your Care and Pains. [Gives 'em Fees.
Sir Cred. Sir, if you have any occasion for me, I live
at the red-colour'd Lanthorn, with eleven Candles in't,
in the Strand ; where you may come in privately, and
need not be ashamed, I having no Creature in my House
but myself, and my whole Family.
Ick quam Fan Neder Landt te spreken
End helpen Van Pocken end ander gebreken.
That's a top of my Bill, sweet Sir. [Exeunt Doctors.
io8 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Fan. Lord, Sir Father, why do you give 'em Money ?
Lean. For talking Nonsense this Hour or two upon his
Distemper.
Fan. Oh lemini, Sir, they did not talk one word of you,
but of Dogs and Horses, and of killing Folks, and of their
Wives and Daughters; and when the Wine was all out,
they said they wou'd say something for their Fees.
Sir Pat. Say you so ! Knaves, Rogues, Cheats, Mur
derers ! I'll be reveng'd on 'em all, I'll ne'er be sick
again, or if I be, I'll die honestly of my self without the
assistance of such Rascals, go, get you gone.
[ To Fan. who goes out.
Lean. A happy resolution ! wou'd you wou'd be so kind
to your self as to make a trial of your Lady too ; and if
she prove true, 'twill make some kind of amends for your
so long being cozen'd this way.
Sir Pat. I'll about it, this very minute about it, give
me a Chuir. [He sits.
Lean. So, settle your self well, disorder your Hair,
throw away your Cane, Hat and Gloves, stare, and rowl
your Eyes, squeeze your Face into Convulsions, clutch
your Hands, make your Stomach heave, so, very well,
now let me alone for the rest Oh, help, help, my Lady,
my Aunt, for Heavens sake, help, come all and see him
die. [Weeps.
Enter Wittmore, Lady Fancy, Isabella, Lucretia,
Lady Knowell, Roger, and Nurse.
Wit. Leander, what's the matter ?
Lean. See, Madam, see my Uncle in the Agonies of
Death.
L. Fan. My dearest Husband dying, Oh ! [Weeps.
Lean. How hard he struggles with departing Life !
Isab. Father, dear Father, must I in one day receive a
Blessing with so great a Curse? Oh, he's just going,
Madam. [ Weeps.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 109
L. Fan. Let me overtake him in the Shades below, why
do you hold me, can I live without him? do I dissemble
well? [Aside to Wit.
Sir Pat. Not live without me! do you hear that,
Sirrah? [Aside to Lean.
Lean. Pray mark the end on't, Sir, feign, feign.
L. Kno. We left him well, how came he thus o'th'
sudden ?
Lean. I fear 'tis an Apoplexy, Madam.
L. Fan. Run, run for his Physician ; but do not stir a
foot. [Aside to Roger.
Look up, and speak but one kind word to me.
Sir Pat. What crys are these that stop me on my way ?
L. Fan. They're mine, your Lady's oh, surely he'll
recover. [Aside.
Your most obedient Wife's.
Sir Pat. My Wife's, my Heir, my sole Executrix.
L. Fan. Hah, is he in's Senses? [Aside to Wit.
Oh my dear Love, my Life, my Joy, my All, [Crys.
Oh, let me go; I will not live without him.
[Seems to faint in Wittmore's Arms. All run about her.
Sir Pat. Do ye hear that, Sirrah?
Lean. Have yet a little Patience, die away, very well
Oh, he's gone, quite gone. [L. Fan. swoons.
L. Kno. Look to my Lady there, [Swoons again.
Sure she can but counterfeit. [Aside. [They all go
Sir Pat. Hah, my Lady dying! about her.
Lean. Sir, I beseech you wait the event. Death ! the
cunning Devil will dissemble too long and spoil all,
here carry the dead Corps of my dearest Uncle to his
Chamber. Nurse, to your Care I commit him now.
[Exeunt with Sir Pat. in a Chair.
[All follow but Wittmore ; who going the other way^
meets Sir Credulous and Lodwick, as before.
Wit. Lodwick I the strangest unexpected News, Sir
Patient's dead !
no SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Sir Cred. How, dead ! we have play'd the Physicians
to good purpose, i'faith, and kill'd the Man before we
administer'd our Physick.
Wit. Egad, I fear so indeed.
Lod. Dead!
Wit. As a Herring, and 'twill be dangerous to keep
these habits longer.
Sir Cred. Dangerous ! Zoz, Man, we shall all be hang'd,
why, our very Bill dispatch'd him, and our Hands are
to't, Oh, I'll confess all. [Offers to go.
Lod. Death, Sir, I'll cut your Throat if you stir.
Sir Cred. Wou'd you have me hang'd for Company,
Gentlemen ? Oh, where shall I hide my self, or how come
at my Clothes ?
Lod. We have no time for that ; go get you into your
Basket again, and lie snug, till I have convey'd you safe
away, or I'll abandon you. [Aside to him.
'Tis not necessary he shou'd be seen yet, he may spoil
Leander's Plot. [Aside.
Sir Cred. Oh, thank ye, dear Lodwick, let me escape
this bout, and if ever the Fool turn Physician again, may
he be choak'd with his own Tetrachymagogon.
Wit. Go, haste and undress you, whilst I'll to Lucia.
[Exeunt Lod. and Sir Cred.
As Wittmore is going out at one Door, enter Sir Patient
and Leander at the other Door.
Lean. Hah, Wittmore there ! he must not see my Uncle
yet. [Puts Sir Pat. back. Exit Wit.
Sir Pat. Nay, Sir, never detain me, I'll to my Lady,
is this your Demonstration? Was ever so virtuous a
Lady Well, I'll to her, and console her poor Heart;
ah, the Joy 'twill bring her to see my Resurrection ! I
long to surprize her. [Going off cross the Stage.
Lean. Hold, Sir, I think she's coming, blest sight,
and with her Wittmore] [Puts Sir Pat. back to the Door.
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 1 1 1
Enter Lady Fancy and Wittmore.
SirPtf/. Hah, what's this?
L. Fan. Now, my dear Wittmore^ claim thy Rites ot
Love without controul, without the contradiction of
wretched Poverty or Jealousy : Now undisguised thou
mayst approach my Bed, and reign o'er all my Pleasures
and my Fortunes, of which this Minute I create thee Lord,
And thus begin my Homage. [Kisses him.
Sir Pat. Sure 'tis some Fiend ! this cannot be my Lady.
Lean. 'Tis something uncivil before your face, Sir, to
do this.
Wit. Thou wondrous kind, and wondrous beautiful ;
that Power that made thee with so many Charms, gave
me a Soul fit only to adore 'em ; nor wert thou destin'd
to another's Arms, but to be render'd still more fit for mine.
SirPtf/. Hah, is not that Fainlove y Isabella's Husband?
Oh Villain ! Villain ! I will renounce my Sense and my
Religion. [Aside.
L. Fan. Another's Arms ! Oh, call not those hated
Thoughts to my remembrance,
Lest it destroy that kindly Heat within me,
Which thou canst only raise and still maintain.
SirPfl/. Oh Woman ! Woman! damn'd dissembling
Woman. [Aside.
L.Fan. Come, let me lead thee to that Mass of Gold
he gave me to be despis'd ;
And which I render thee, my lovely Conqueror,
As the first Tribute of my glorious Servitude.
Draw in the Basket which I told you of, and is amongst
the Rubbish in the Hall. [Exit Wittmore.] That which
the Slave so many Years was toiling for, I in one moment
barter for a Kiss, as Earnest of our future Joys.
Sir Pat. Was ever so prodigal a Harlot? was this the
Saint ? was this the most tender Consort that ever Man
had?
Lean. No, in good faith, Sir.
H2 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACT v
Enter Wittmore pulling in the Basket.
L. Fan. This is it, with a direction on't to thee, whither
I design'd to send it.
Wit. Good morrow to the Day, and next the Gold ;
Open the Shrine, that I may see my Saint
Hail the World's Soul,
[Opens the Basket, Sir Cred. starts up.
L. Fan. O Heavens! what thing art thou?
Sir Cred. O, Pardon, Pardon, sweet Lady, I confess I
had a hand in't.
L. Fan. In what, thou Slave ?
Sir Cred. Killing the good believing Alderman ; but
'twas against my Will.
L. Fan. Then I'm not so much oblig'd to thee, but
where's the Money, the 8ooo/. the Plate and Jewels, Sirrah ?
Wit. Death, the Dog has eat it.
Sir Cred. Eat it ! Oh Lord, eat 8ooo/. Wou'd I might
never come out of this Basket alive, if ever I made such
a Meal in my Life.
Wit. Ye Dog, you have eat it; and I'll make ye swallow
all the Doses you writ in your Bill, but I'll have it upward
or downward. \_Aside.
Sir Pat. Hah, one of the Rogues my Doctors.
Sir Cred. Oh, dear Sir, hang me out of the way rather.
Enter Maundy.
Maun. Madam, I have sent away the Basket to Mr.
Wittmore^s Lodgings.
L. Fan. You might have sav'd your self that Labour,
I now having no more to do, but to bury the stinking
Corps of my quandom Cuckold, dismiss his Daughters,
and give thee quiet possession of all. [ To Wit.
Sir Pat. Fair Lady, you'll take me along with you?
[Snaps, pulls off his Hat, and comes up to her.
L. Fan. My Husband ! I'm betray'd
Sir Pat. Husband ! I do defy thee, Satan, thou greater
sc. i] SIR PATIENT FANCY 113
Whore than she of Babylon ; thou Shame, thou Abomina
tion to thy Sex.
L. Fan. Rail on, whilst I dispose my self to laugh at thee.
Sir Pat. Leander^ call all the House in to be a Witness
of our Divorce. [Exit Lean.
L. Fan. Do, and all the World, and let 'em know the
Reason.
Sir Pat. Methinks I find an Inclination to swear, to
curse my self and thee, that I cou'd no better discern thee ;
nay, I'm so chang'd from what I was, that I think I cou'd
even approve of Monarchy and Church-Discipline, I'm
so truly convinc'd I have been a Beast and an Ass all
my Life.
Enter Lady Knowell, Isabella, Lucretia, Leander,
Lodwick, Fanny, &'c.
L. Kno. Hah, Sir Patient not dead ?
Sir Pat. Ladies and Gentlemen, take notice that I am
a Cuckold, a crop-ear'd snivelling Cuckold.
Sir Crcd. A Cuckold ! sweet Sir, shaw, that's a small
matter in a Man of your Quality.
Sir Pat. And I beg your pardon, Madam, for being
angry that you call'd me so. [To L. Kno.] And yours,
dear Isabella^ for desiring you to marry my good Friend
there [Points to Wit.] whose name I perceive I was mis
taken in : and yours, Leander , that I wou'd not take your
Advice long since : and yours, fair Lady, for believing
you honest, 'twas done like a credulous Coxcomb :
and yours, Sir, for taking any of your Tribe for wise,
learned or honest. [To Sir Credulous.
Wit. Faith, Sir, I deceiv'd ye only to serve my Friend;
and, Sir, your Daughter is married to Mr Knowell: your
Wife had all my stock of Love before, Sir.
[Lod. and Isab. kneel.
Sir Pat. Why, God-a-mercy some comfort that,
God bless ye. I shall love Disobedience while I live for't.
IV I
H4 SIR PATIENT FANCY [ACTV, sc. i
Lod. I am glad on't, Sir, for then I hope you will forgive
Leander, who has married my Sister, and not my Mother.
Sir Pat. How! has he served me so? I'll make him
my Heir for't, thou hast made a Man of me, my Boy, and,
faith, we will be merry, Fair Lady, you may depart in
peace, fair Lady, restoring my Money, my Plate, my
Jewels and my Writings, fair Lady.
L. Fan. You gave me no Money, Sir, prove it if you
can ; and for your Land, 'twas not settled with this
Proviso, if she be honest?
Sir Pat. 'Tis well thou dost confess I am a Cuckold,
for I wou'd have it known, fair Lady.
L. Fan. 'Twas to that end I married you, good Alderman.
Sir Pat. I'faith, I think thou didst, Sweet-heart, i 'faith,
I think thou didst.
Wit. Right, Sir, we have long been Lovers, but want
of Fortune made us contrive how to marry her to your
good Worship. Many a wealthy Citizen, Sir, has contri
buted to the maintenance of a younger Brother's Mistress ;
and you are not the first Man in Office that has been a
Cuckold, Sir.
Sir Pat. Some comfort that too, the Brethren of the
Chain cannot laugh at me.
Sir Cred. A very pleasant old Fellow this : faith, I cou'd
be very merry with him now, but that I am damnable
sad. Madam, I shall desire to lay the Saddle on the right
Horse. [To L. Kno.
L. Kno. What mean you, Sir?
Sir Cred. Only, Madam, if I were as some Men are, I
should not be as I am.
L. Kno. It may be so, Sir.
Sir Cred. I say no more, but matters are not carried
so swimmingly, but I can dive into the meaning on't.
[Sir Patient talks this while to Lod wick.
L. Kno. I hate this hypothetical way of arguing, answer
me categorically.
EPILOGUE 1 1 5
Sir Crcd. Hypothetical and Categorical ! what does she
mean now? \_Aside."\ Madam, in plain English, I am
made a John-a-Nokes of, Jack-hold-my-staff, a M erry Andrew
Doctor, to give Leander time to marry your Daughter ; and
'twas therefore I was hoisted up in the Basket ; but as
the play says, 'tis well 'tis no worse : I'd rather lose my
Mistress than my Life.
Sir Pat. But how came this Rascal Turboon to admit
you?
Lod. For the Lucre of our Fees, Sir, which was his
recompence.
Sir Pat. I forgive it you, and will turn Spark, they live
the merriest Lives keep some City Mistress, go to Court,
and hate all Conventicles.
You see what a fine City-Wife can do
Of the true-breed ; instruct her Husband too :
I wish all civil Cuckolds in the Nation
Would take example by my Reformation.
EPILOGUE,
Spoken by Mrs. Gwin.
I here and there overheard a Coxcomb cry, [Looking
Ah, Rot it 'tis a Woman s Comedy, about.
One, who because she lately chanced to please us,
With her damned Stuff, will never cease to teeze us.
What has poor Woman done, that she must be
Debar 'd from Sense, and sacred Poetry?
Why in this Age has Heaven allowed you more,
And Women less of Wit than heretofore ?
We once were f am* d in story, and could write
Equal to Men ; cou'd govern, nay, cou'd fight.
We still have passive Valour, and can show, \
Wou'd Custom give us leave, the active too,
Since we no Provocations want from you. )
j 1 6 EPILOGUE
For who but we coiid your dull Fopperies bear,
Your saucy Love, and your brisk Nonsense hear ;
Indure your worse than womanish Affectation,
Which renders you the Nusancc of the Nation ;
Scorn 1 d even by all the Misses of the Town,
A Jest to Vizard Mask, the Pit-Buffoon ;
A Glass by which the admiring Country Fool
May learn to dress himself en Ridicule :
Both striving who shall most ingenious grow
In Leudness, Foppery, Nonsense, Noise and Show.
And yet to these fine things we must submit
Our Reason, Arms, our Laurels, and our Wit.
Because we do not laugh at you, when leud,
And scorn and cudgel ye when you arc rude.
That we have nobler Souls than you, we prove,
By how much more we're sensible of Love ;
Quickest in finding all the subtlest ways
To make your Joys, why not to make you Plays ?
W "e best can find your Foibles, know our own,
And Jilts and Cuckolds now best please the Town ;
Tour way of Writings out of fashion grown.
Method, and Rule you only understand ;
Pursue that way of Fooling, and be damnd.
Tour learned Cant of Action, Time and Place,
Must all give way to the unlaboured Farce.
To all the Men of Wit we will subscribe :
But for your half Wits, you unthinking Tribe,
We'll let you see, whatever besides we do,
How artfully we copy some of you :
And if you re drawn to th 9 Lip, pray tell me then,
Why Women should not write as well as Men.
THE AMOROUS PRINCE.
("9)
ARGUMENT.
FREDERICK, 'the Amorous Prince,' a mercurial young gallant, son to the
Duke of Florence, under a solemn promise of marriage debauches Cloris,
sister to his friend and confidant, Curtius. The girl has always led a secluded
country life, and this relationship is unknown to the Prince, who upon
hearing the praises of Laura, beloved by Curtius, straightway resolves to
win this lady also. Laura's brother Lorenzo, a wanton madcap favourite of
Frederick's, gladly effects the required introduction, and when Curtius
interrupts and forbids, Salvator, father to Laura and Lorenzo, promptly
turns the quondam lover out of the house. Lorenzo himself is idly pursuing
Clarina, wife to a certain Antonio, an abortive intrigue carried on to his
own impoverishment, but the enrichment of Isabella, Clarina's woman, a
wench who fleeces him unmercifully. Antonio being of a quaint and jealous
humour would have his friend Alberto make fervent love to Clarina, in
order that by her refusals and chill denials her spotless conjugal fidelity may
be proved. However, Ismena, Clarina's sister, appears in a change of clothes
as the wife, and manifold complications ensue, but eventually all is cleared
and Ismena accepts Alberto, whom she has long loved ; not before Isabella,
having by a trick compelled Lorenzo to declare himself her husband,
enforces the bargain. Cloris, meanwhile, disguised as a boy under the name
of Philibert, attaches herself to Frederick, first succouring him when he is
wounded in a duel by Curtius. Curtius to avenge his wrongs disguises
himself, and as a pandar entices Frederick into a snare by promises of
supplying the amorous Prince with lovely cyprians. Bravos, however, are
in waiting, but these prove to be in the service of Antonio, who appears
with Alberto and their friends, completely frustrating the plot, whilst
Clarina, Ismena, and other ladies have acted the courtezans to deceive
Curtius, and at the same time read the Prince a salutary lesson. He profits
so much by this experience that he takes Cloris, whose sex is discovered,
to be his bride, whilst Laura bestows her hand on the repentant and
forgiven Curtius.
SOURCE.
MRS. BEHN has taken her episode of Antonio's persuading Alberto to woo
Clarina from Robert Davenport's fine play, The City Night-Cap (410 1661,
but licensed 24 October, 1624) where Lorenzo induces Philippe to test
Abstcmia in the same way. Astrea, however, has considerably altered the
conduct of the intrigue. Bullen (The Works of Robert Davenport, 1890)
conclusively and exhaustively demonstrates that Davenport made use of
Greene's popular Philomela} the Lady Fitsswater's Nightingale (1592, 1615,
and 1631), wherein Count Philippe employs Giovanni Lutesio to 'make
experience of his wife's [Philomela's] honesty', rather than was under
I2O THEATRICAL HISTORY
any obligation to Cervantes' Curioso Impertinente, Don Quixote, Book IV,
ch. vi-viii. Read, Dunlop, and Hazlitt all had express'd the same opinion.
The Spanish tale turns upon the fact of Anselmo, the Curious Impertinent,
enforcing his friend Lothario to tempt his wife Camilla. Such a theme,
however, is common, and with variations is to be found in Italian novelle.
Recent authorities are inclined to suggest that the plot of Beaumont and
Fletcher's The Coxcomb (1610), much of which runs on similar lines, is not
founded on Cervantes. Southerne, in his comedy, The Disappointment , or,
The Mother in Fashion (1684) and * starch Johnny Crowne' in The Married
Beau (1694), both comedies of no little wit and merit, are patently indebted
to The Curious Impertinent, Cervantes had also been used three quarters of
a century before by Nat Field in his Amends for Ladies (4to, 1618), where
Sir John Loveall tries his wife in an exactly similar manner to Lorenzo,
Count Philippo and Anselmo.
The amours of the Florentine court are Mrs. Behn's own invention ; but
the device by which Curtius ensnares Frederick is not unlike Vendice and
Hippolito's trapping of the lecherous old Duke in The Revenger's Tragedy
(410, 1607), albeit the saturnine Tourneur gives the whole scene a far more
terrible and tragic catastrophe.
In January, 1537, Lorenzino de Medici having enticed Duke Alessandro
of Florence to his house under pretext of an assignation with a certain
Caterina Ginori, after a terrible struggle assassinated him with the aid of a
notorious bravo. Several plays have been founded upon this history.
Notable amongst them are Shirley's admirable tragedy, The Traitor (licensed
May, 1631, 410 1635) and in later days de Mussel's Lorenzacclo (1834).
The Mask in Act v of The Amorous Prince is in its purport most palpably
akin to the Elizabethans.
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
The Amorous Prince was produced by the Duke's Company in the spring of
1671 at their Lincoln's Inn Fields theatre, whence they migrated in
November of the same year to the magnificent new house in Dorset
Garden. No performers' names are given to the comedy, which met with a
very good reception. It seems to have kept the boards awhile, but there is
no record of any particular revival.
(121)
THE AMOROUS PRINCE.
PROLOGUE.
WELL] you expect a Prologue to the Play,
And you expect it too Petition-way;
With Chapeau has beseeching you t' excuse
A damn'd Intrigue of an unpractised Muse j
Tell you it's Fortune waits upon your Smiles,
And when you frown, Lord, how you kill the whiles !
Or else to rally up the Sins of th' Age,
And bring each Fop in Town upon the Stage ;
And in one Prologue run more Vices o'er,
Than either Court or City knew before :
Ah ! that's a Wonder which will please you too,
But my Commission's not to please you now.
First then for you grave Dons, who love no Play
But what is regular, Great Johnson's way ;
Who hate the Monsieur with the Farce and Droll,
But are for things well said with Spirit and Soul ;
' Tis you I mean, whose Judgments will admit
No Interludes of fooling with your Wit ;
You're here defeated, and anon will cry,
'Sdeath ! wou'd 'twere Treason to write Comedy.
So! there's a Party lost ; now for the rest,
Who swear they'd rather hear a smutty Jest
Spoken by Nokes or Angel, than a Scene
Of the admir'd and well penn'd Cataline ;
Who love the comic k Hat, the Jig and Dance,
Things that are fitted to their Ignorance :
Tou too are quite undone, for here's no Farce
Damn me ! you' II cry, this Play will be mine A
(122)
Not serious, nor yet comick, what lit then ?
77;' imperfect Issue of a lukewarm Brain :
9 Twas born before its time, and such a Whelp ;
As all the after-lickings could not help.
Bait it then as ye please, we'll not defend it,
But he that dis-approves it, let him mend it.
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
Frederick, Son to the Duke.
Curtius, his Friend.
Lorenzo, a rich extravagant Lord, a kind of Favourite to Frederick.
Salvator, Father to Lorenzo and Laura.
Antonio, a Nobleman of Florence.
Alberto, his dear Friend, a Nobleman also.
Pietro, Man to Curtius.
Galliard, Servant to the Prince.
Guilliam, Man to Claris, a Country-fellow.
Valet to Antonio.
WOMEN.
Clarina, Wife to Antonio.
Ismcna, Sister to Antonio, in love with Alberto.
Laura, Sister to Lorenzo, in love with Curtius.
Claris, Sister to Curtius, disguis'd like a Country Maid, in love
with Frederick.
Isabella, Woman to Clarina.
Lucia, Maid to Chris.
Pages and Musick.
SCENE, The Court of Florence.
THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
ACT I.
SCENE I. The Chamber of Claris.
Enter Cloris drcst in her Night Attire, with Frederick
dressing himself.
Clo. And will you leave me now to Fears,
Which Love it self can hardly satisfy?
But those, and that together sure will kill me,
If you stay long away.
Fred. My Dear, 'tis almost day, and we must part ;
Should those rude Eyes 'mongst whom thou dwell'st
perceive us,
'Twould prove unhappy both to thee and me.
Clo. And will you, Sir, be constant to your Vows?
Fred. Ah Cloris! do not question what I've sworn ;
If thou would'st have it once again repeated,
I'll do't. By all that's good, I'll marry thee ;
By that most Holy Altar, before which we kneel'd,
When first I saw the brightest Saint that e'er ador'd it ;
I'll marry none but thee, my dearest Cloris.
Clo. Sir, you have said enough to gain a credit
With any Maid, though she had been deceived
By some such Flatteries as these before.
I never knew the pains of Fear till now; [Sighs.
And you must needs forgive the Faults you make,
For had I still remain'd in Innocence,
I should have still believ'd you.
Fred. Why, dost thou not, my Love ?
Clo. Some doubts I have, but when I look on you,
Though I must blush to do so, they all vanish ;
But I provide against your absence, Sir.
sc. i] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 125
Fred. Make no provision, Chris, but of Hope,
Prepare thy self against a Wedding day,
When thou shalt be a little Deity on Earth.
Clo. I know not what it is to dwell in Courts,
But sure it must be fine, since you are there ;
Yet I could wish you were an humble Shepherd,
And knew no other Palace than this Cottage;
Where I would weave you Crowns, of Pinks and Daisies,
And you should be a Monarch every May.
Fred. And, Chris, I could be content to sit
With thee, upon some shady River's Bank,
To hear thee sing, and tell a Tale of Love.
For these, alas ! I could do any thing;
A Sheep-hook I could prize above a Sword ;
An Army I would quit to lead a Flock,
And more esteem that Chaplet wreath'd by thee,
Than the victorious Bays:
All this I could, but, Dear, I have a Father,
Whom for thy sake, to make thee great and glorious,
I would not lose my IntVest with.
But, Chris, see, the unkind day approaches,
And we must kiss and part.
Clo. Unkind it is indeed, may it prove so
To all that wish its presence,
And pass as soon away,
That welcome Night may re-assume its place,
And bring you quickly back.
Fred. With great impatience I'll expect that Hour,
That shall conduct me in its Shades to thee ;
Farewel.
Clo. Farewel, Sir, if you must be gone. [Sighs.
Fred. One Kiss, and then indeed I will be gone.
[Kisses htr.
A new blown Rose kist by the Morning Dew,
Has not more natural Sweetness.
Ah Chris! can you doubt that Heart,
126 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
To whom such Blessings you impart ?
Unjustly you suspect that Prize,
Won by such Touches and such Eyes.
My Fairest, turn that Face away,
Unless I could for ever stay ;
Turn but a little while I go.
C/o. Sir, I must see the last of you.
Fred. I dare not disobey ; adieu till Evening. [Exit.
Enter Lucia.
C/o. How now, Lucia ; is my Father up ?
Luc. No, not a Mouse stirs yet ; I have kept a true
Watch all this Night, for I was cruelly afraid
Lest we should have been surpriz'd
Is the Prince gone ? but why do I ask,
That may read it in your sad Looks?
C/o. Yes, he is gone, and with him too has taken
[Sighs.
Luc. What has he taken ? I'll swear you frighten me.
C/o. My heart, Lucia.
Luc. Your Heart, I am glad 'tis no worse.
C/o. Why, what dost think he should have taken ?
Luc. A thing more hard to have been
Recovered again.
Clo. What thing, prithee ?
Luc. Your Maiden-head.
C/o. What's that?
Luc. A thing young Gallants long extremely for,
And when they have it too, they say
They care not a Daisy for the Giver.
C/o. How comest thou so wise, Lucia ?
Luc. Oh, the fine Gentleman that comes a-nights
With the Prince, told me so much, and bid me
Be sure never to part with it for fine Words;
For Men would lye as often as they swore ;
And so bid me tell you too.
Clo. Oh Lucia!
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 127
Luc. Why do you sigh ?
Clo. To think if Princes were like common Men,
How I should be undone,
Since I have given him all I had to give;
And who that looks on him can blame my Faith ?
Luc . Indeed he surpasses Damon far ;
But Fad forgot my self, you are the Prince's Wife ;
He said you should be kneel'd to, and ador'd,
And never look'd on but on Holy-days :
That many Maids should wait upon your call,
And strow fine Flowers for you to tread upon.
Musick and Love should daily fill your Ears,
And all your other Senses should be ravish'd
With wonders of each kind great as your Beauty.
Clo. Lucid) methinks you have learnt to speak fine
things.
Luc. I have a thousand more I've heard him say ;
Oh, I could listen a whole Night to hear him talk :
But hark, I hear a Noise, the House is up,
And must not find us here.
Clo. Lock up this Box of Jewels for me.
Luc. Oh rare ! what, did these come to night?
Clo. Yes, yes, away. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Grove.
Enter Curtius and Pietro.
Cur. I wonder the Prince stays so long ;
I do not like these Night-works ;
Were I not confident of Glorias Virtue,
Which shall no more be tempted.
I hear some coming, and hope 'tis he
Pietro, are the Horses ready? [Exit Pietro.
Enter Frederick.
Cur. Sir, you are welcome from Chris's Arms.
Fred, With much ado, I am got loose from those fair
THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
Fetters, but not from those of her Beauty ;
By these she still inflames me,
In spite of all my humours of Inconstancy ;
So soft and young, so fair and innocent,
So full of Air, and yet of Languishment ;
So much of Nature in her Heart and Eyes,
So timorous and so kind without disguise :
Such untaught Sweets in every part do move,
As 'gainst my Reason does compel my Love ;
Such artless smiles, look so unorder'd too,
Gains more than all the charms of Courts can do ;
From Head to Foot, a spotless Statue seems,
As Art, not Nature, had compos'd her Limbs ;
So white, and so unblemish'd, oh Curtius!
I'm ravisht beyond Sense when I but think on't ;
How much more must my Surprize be,
When I behold these Wonders.
Cur. And have you seen her, Sir, in all this Beauty ?
Oh Hell! [Aside.
Fred. Curtius^ I will not hide my Soul from thee ;
I have seen all the marvels of that Maid.
Cur. My Soul, learn now the Art of being dise;uis'd ;
[Aside.
'Tis much, my Lord, that one
Bred in such simple Innocence,
Should learn so soon so much of Confidence :
Pray, Sir, what Arts and Cunning do you use?
Fred. Faith, time and importunity refuse no body.
Cur. Is that the way ? had you no other Aids ?
Made you no promise to her, Sir, of Marriage ?
Fred. Oh, yes, in abundance, that's your only bait,
And though they cannot hope we will perform it,
Yet it secures their Honour and my Pleasure.
Cur. Then, Sir, you have enjoy'd her ?
Fred. Oh, yes, and gather'd Sweets
Would make an Anchoret neglect his Vow,
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 129
And think he had mistook his way to future bliss,
Which only can be found in such Embraces;
'Twas hard to gain, but, Curtius, when once Victor,
Oh, how the joys of Conquest did enslave me !
Cur. But, Sir, methinks 'tis much that she should yield,
With only a bare promise that you'd marry her.
Fred. Yes, there was something more but
Cur. But, what, Sir, you are not married.
Fred. Faith, yes, I've made a Vow,
And that you know would go as far with any other Man.
Cur. But she it seems forgot you were the Prince ?
Fred. No, she urg'd that too,
And left no Arguments unus'd
Might make me sensible of what I did ;
But I was fixt, and overcame them all,
Repeating still my Vows and Passions for her,
Till in the presence of her Maid and Heaven
We solemnly contracted.
Cur. But, Sir, by your permission, was it well ?
Fred. What wouldst thou have him do
That's all on fire, and dies for an Enjoyment?
Cur. But having gain'd it, do you love her still ?
Fred. Yes, yes, extremely,
And would be constant to the Vows I've made,
Were I a Man, as thou art of thy self;
But with the aid of Counsels I must chuse,
And what my Soul adores I must refuse.
Cur. This Passion, Sir, Possession will destroy,
And you'l love less, the more you do enjoy.
Fred. That's all my hope of cure ; I'll ply that game,
And slacken by degrees th' unworthy flame.
Cur. Methinks, my Lord, it had more generous been
To've check'd that flame when first it did begin,
E'er you the slighted Victory had won,
And a poor harmless Virgin quite undone :
And what is worse, you've made her love you too.
IV K
130 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
Fred. Faith, that's the greater mischief of the two;
I know to such nice virtuous Souls as thine,
My juster Inclination is a Crime :
But I love Pleasures which thou canst not prize,
Beyond dull gazing on thy Mistress Eyes,
The lovely Object which enslaves my Heart,
Must yet more certain Cures than Smiles impart :
And you on Laura have the same design.
Cur. Yes, Sir, when justify'd by Laws Divine.
Fred. Divine ! a pleasant Warrant for your Sin,
Which being not made, we ne'er had guilty been.
But now we speak of Laura,
Prithee, when is't that I shall see that Beauty ?
Cur. Never, I hope [Aside, ,] I know not, Sir,
Her Father still is cruel, and denies me,
What she and I have long made suit in vain for :
But, Sir, your Interest might prevail with him,
When he shall know I'm one whom you esteem ;
He will allow my flame, and my address,
He whom you favour cannot doubt Success.
Fred. This day I will begin to serve thee in it.
Cur. Sir, 'twill be difficult to get access to her,
Her Father is an humorous old Man,
And has his fits of Pride and Kindness too.
Fred. Well, after Dinner I will try my Power,
And will not quit his Lodgings till I've won him.
Cur. I humbly thank you, Sir.
Fred. Come let us haste, the Day comes on apace.
[Ex. Fred.
Cur. I'll wait upon you, Sir.
Oh Chris, thou'rt undone, false amorous Girl ;
Was it for this I bred thee in obscurity,
Without permitting thee to know what Courts meant,
Lest their too powerful Temptation
Might have betray'd thy Soul ?
Not suffering thee to know thy Name or Parents,
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 131
Thinking an humble Life might have secur'd thy Virtue:
And yet I should not hate thee for this Sin,
Since thou art bred in so much Innocence,
Thou couldst not dream of Falsity in Men :
Oh, that it were permitted me to kill this Prince,
This false perfidious Prince;
And yet he knows not that he has abus'd me.
When did I know a Man of so much Virtue,
That would refuse so sweet and soft a Maid ?
No, he is just and good, only too much misled
By Youth and Flattery ;
And one to whom my Soul is ty'd by Friendship;
Yet what's a Friend, a name above a Sister?
Is not her Honour mine?
And shall not I revenge the loss of it ?
It is but common Justice.
But first I'll try all gentle means I may,
And let him know that Chris is my Sister ;
And if he then persevere in his Crime,
I'll lay my Interest and my Duty by,
And punish him, or with my Honour die. [Exit.
SCENE III. The Apartment of Antonio.
Enter Lorenzo pulling in of Isabella.
Lor. Nay, nay, Isabella, there's no avoiding me now,
You and I must come to a parley.
Pray what's the reason
You took no notice of me,
When I came with so civil an address too ?
Isab. Can you ever think to thrive in an Amour,
When you take notice of your Mistress,
Or any that belongs to her, in publick,
And when she's a married Woman too ?
Lor. Good Isabella, the loser may have leave to speak,
I am sure it has been a plaguy dear Amour to me.
132 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
hab. Let me hear you name that again,
And you shall miss of my Assistance.
Lor. Nay, do but hear me a little ;
I vow 'tis the strangest thing in the World,
A Man must part from so much Money as I have done,
And be confin'd to Signs and Grimaces only,
To declare his Mind in :
If a Man has a Tongue, let him exercise it, I say,
As long as he pays for speaking.
Isab. Again with your paying for't? I see you are not
To be reclaim'd ; farewel
Lor. Stay, good Isabella, stay,
And thou shalt hear not one word of that more,
Though I am soundly urg'd to't.
Isab. Yes, yes, pray count them, do ;
I know you long to be at it,
And I am sure you will find you are in Arrears to us.
Lor. Say you so, I am not of that opinion : but well,
Let me see here 'tis, here 'tis
My Bill of Charge for courting Clarlna.
[Draws out his Table Book, and reads.
Isab. And here's mine for the returns that have been
Made you; begin, begin. [Pulls out her Book.
Lor. Item, two hundred Crowns to Isabella for under
taking.
Isab. Item, I have promis'd Lorenzo to serve him
In his Amour with all Fidelity.
Lor. Well, I own that Debt paid, if you keep
Your word out with it then [He crosses that out.
Item, two thousand Crowns in a Bracelet for Clarina;
What say you to that now, Isabella ?
Isab. Item, the day after they were presented,
She saluted you with a smile at the Chappel.
Lor. And dost thou think it was not dearly bought ?
Isab. No Man in Florence should have had it
A Souce cheaper.
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 133
Lor. Say you so, Isabella? out with it then.[Crosses it out.
Item, one hundred more to thee for presenting them.
hab. Which I did with six lyes in your Commendation,
Worth ten Pistoles a piece for the exactness of a Lye ;
Write there indebted to me
Lor. Nay then thou dost deserve it :
Rest due to Isabella. [Writes.
Item, Innumerable Serenades, Night-walks, Affronts
And Fears ; and lastly, to the Poets for Songs, and the like.
Isab. All which was recompensed in the excessive
Laughing on you that Day you praunc'd under our
Window on Horse-back, when you made such a
Deal of Capriol and Curvet.
Lor. Yes, where I ventur'd my Neck to shew my
Activity, and therefore may be well accompted
Amongst my Losses.
Isab. Then she received your Presents,
Suffer'd your Serenades, without sending her Foot-men
To break your Pate with the Fiddles.
Lor. Indeed that was one of the best Signs;
For I have been a great Sufferer in that kind
Upon the like occasions: but dost thou think
In Conscience that this should satisfy ?
Isab. Yes, any reasonable Man in the World, for the
First Month at least; and yet you are still up
With your Expences, as if a Lady of her Quality
Were to be gain'd without them.
Let me hear of your Expences more, and I'll
Lor. Oh sweet Isabella! upon my Knees
I beg thou wilt take no fatal Resolution ;
For I protest, as I am a Man of Honour,
And adore thy Sex, thou shalt only see,
Not hear of my Expences more ;
And for a small testimony of it, here take this;
There's twenty Pistoles upon Reputation.
[Gives her Money.
134 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
Isab. Fy, fy, 'tis not brave, nor generous to name
The Sum, you should have slid it into my Coat,
Without saying what you had done.
Lor. What signifies that, mun, as long as 'tis current,
And you have it sure?
Isab. Weil, leave the management of your Affairs to
me
What shall we do ? here's Alberto.
Enter Alberto.
Lor. Well, who can help it? I cannot walk invisible.
Alb. Lorenzo, what, making Love to Isabella ?
Lor. She'l serve, my Lord, for want of a better.
Isab. That's but a coarse Complement.
Lor. 'Twill serve to disguise a Truth however.
[Aside to her. Ex. Isab.
Faith, I'll tell you, Sir, 'twas such another Damsel
As this, that sav'd me five hundred Pound once upon a
time ;
And I have lov'd the whole Tribe of Waiting-women
The better ever since.
Alb. You have reason ; how was it ?
Lor. Why, look you, Sir,
I had made Love a long time to a Lady ;
But she shall be nameless,
Since she was of a quality not to be gain'd under
The aforesaid Sum : well, I brought it,
Came pouder'd and perfum'd, and high in expectation.
Alb. Well, Sir.
Lor. And she had a very pretty Wench, who was to
Conduct me, and in the dark too;
And, on my Conscience, I e'en fell aboard of her,
And was as well accommodated for my five,
As five Hundred Pounds, and so return'd.
Alb. A great defeat to the Lady the while, a my word.
Lor. Ay, she smelt the Plot, and made a Vow to follow
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 135
The Italian mode for the future ;
And be serv'd in Affairs of that kind by none
But an old Woman.
Alb. 'Twas wittily resolv'd.
Lor. Are you for the Presence this Morning?
Alb. No, I have business here with Antonio.
Lor. Your Servant, my Lord. [Exit.
Alb. I do not like this Fellow's being here,
The most notorious Pimp and Rascal in Italy ;
'Tis a vile shame that such as he should live,
Who have the form and sense of Man about them,
And in their Action Beast;
And that he thrives by too.
Enter Isabella.
Isabella, is Antonio stirring?
Isab. He is, please your Lordship to walk in.
Alb. You may tell him I wait here :
For I would avoid all opportunity of seeing Clarina.
[Aside.
Isab. My Lord, you need not stand upon Ceremonies.
[Exit Alberto.
Enter Clarina and Ismena, dressed like one another in every
thing, laughing and beholding one another.
Dress'd already ! now on my conscience
I know not which is which :
Pray God Antonio be not mistaken at night,
For I'll be sworn I am by day-light.
Ism. Dost think I may pass thus for Clarina ?
Isab. Madam, you are the same to a hair ;
Wou'd I might never stir
If I can do any thing but wonder.
Clar. But hark, Isabella, if thou shou'dst have
Heard amiss, and that thy information should not be good,
Thou hast defeated us of a design,
Wherein we promise our selves no little pleasure.
136 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
Ism. Yes, I vow, all the Jest is lost if it be so.
Isab. I doubt 'twill be a true Jest on your side. [Aside.
I warrant you, Madam, my Intelligence is good ;
And to assure you of what I have said,
I dare undertake you shall hear the same over again :
For just now Alberto is come to visit my Lord,
Who I am sure will entertain him with no other stories,
But those of his Jealousy,
And to persuade him to court you.
Clar. 'Tis strange, since he set him that Task so long
ago,
He would not begin before.
Ism. Nay, pray God he begin now ;
Sister, he has hitherto took me for thee,
And sometimes his Eyes give me hope of a secret
Fire within, but 'twill not out;
And I am so impatient till he declares himself,
That if he do not do it soon,
I shall e'en tell him who I am ;
For perhaps the Wife takes off the appetite,
Which would sharpen upon knowledge of the Virgin.
Clar. What then, you'll have all the sport to your self?
But, Ismena^ remember my little Revenge on Antonio
Must accompany your Love to Alberto. [Aside.
Isab. But why this resemblance ?
For, Madam, since he never saw you,
And takes hmena to be you ;
Might you not still pass so, without this likeness?
Clar. Didst thou not say Antonio left the Court
And City, on purpose to give Alberto the more freedom
To Court me ? Whilst he was away, I needed but retire,
And Ismena appear, and 'twould suffice ;
But now he is return'd,
He may chance to see them together, en passant, or so,
And this dress will abuse him as well as Alberto ;
For without that, this Plot of ours signifies little.
sc. iv] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 137
Ism. Ay, truly, for my part, I have no other design
Than doing my Sister a service.
Isab. The Plot is very likely to thrive I see,
Since you are so good at dissembling.
Ism. Fie, Isabella, what an ill opinion you have of me ?
But, Sister, 'tis much Alberto being so intimate
With Antonio, should never see you all this whole
Six Months of your being married.
Clar. Had you been bred any where
But in a Monastery, you would have known
'Tis not the custom here for Men to expose their
Wives to the view of any.
Isab. I hear them coming, let's away,
And pray listen to the Truths I have already told you.
[They retire.
SCENE IV. The Same.
Enter Antonio and Alberto. Clarina and Ismena listen.
Alb. Once more, Antonio, welcome back to Court.
Ant. Oh my dear Friend, I long'd for thy Embraces;
How goes the Game I left with thee to play ?
What says my Wife, my beautiful Clarina ?
Alb. Clarina!
Ant. Yes, Clarina, have you not seen her yet?
I left the Court on purpose, for 'twas not handsome
For me to introduce you,
Lest she had look'd upon't as some design.
Alb. Seen her yes
Ant. And I conjur'd her too, to give you freedoms
Even equal to Antonio ;
As far as I durst press with modesty,
And with pretence of Friendship;
And have you not attempted her ?
Alb. Yes but 'tis in vain.
Ant. Oh villanous Dissembler ! [Aside.
138 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
Alb. She's cruel, strangely cruel,
And I'm resolv'd to give the Courtship o'er.
Ant. Sure, Friend, thou hast not us'd thy wonted power.
Alb. Yes, all that I know I'm master of, I us'd.
Ant. But didst thou urge it home ? did she not see
Thy Words and Actions did not well agree ?
Canst thou dissemble well ? didst cry and melt,
As if the pain you but express'd, you felt ?
Didst kneel, and swear, and urge thy Quality,
Heightning it too with some Disgrace on me?
And didst thou too assail her feeble side ?
For the best bait to Woman is her Pride ;
Which some mis-call her Guard :
Didst thou present her with the set of Jewels?
For Women naturally are more inclin'd
To Avarice, than Men : pray tell me, Friend.
Vile Woman ! did she take them
Alb. I never ask'd her that.
Clar. Poor Antonio, how I pity him. [Aside.
Ant. No!
Alb. No, I've done enough to satisfy thy Jealousy.
Here, take your set of Jewels back again ; [Gives a Box.
Upon my Life Clarina is all Chastity.
Ant. I were the happiest Man on Earth, were this but
true;
But what are single Courtships? give her these,
Which will assist thy Tongue to win her Heart;
And that once got, the other soon will follow ;
There's far more Women won by Gold than Industry :
Try that, my dear Alberto,
And save thy Eyes the trouble of dissembling.
Alb. Content thee here, and do not tempt thy Fate,
I have regard unto thy Honour, Friend ;
And should she yield, as Women are no Gods,
Where were thy future Joys ?
What is't could make thee happy, or restore
sc, iv] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 139
That true Contentment which thou hadst before ?
Alas ! thou tempt'st me too, for I am frail,
And Love above my Friendship may prevail.
Ant. This will not do;
No, as thou art my Friend, and lov'st my Honour,
Pursue Clar'ma further;
Rally afresh, and charge her with this Present,
Disturb her every night with Serenades;
Make Love-Songs to her, and then sing them too;
Thou hast a Voice enough alone to conquer.
Alb. Fool, Antonio I [Aside.
Ant. Come, wilt thou undertake it once again ?
Alb. I would not.
Ant. I am resolv'd to get this tryal made,
And if thou dost refuse thy Amity,
I'll try a Friend more willing, though less faithful;
With thee my Wife and Honour too are safe,
For should she yield, and I by that were lost,
'Twere yet some ease,
That none but thou wert witness to't.
Alb. Well, if it must be done, Tad rather do't,
Than you should be exposed to th' scorn of others.
Ant. Spoke like my noble Friend ;
Come dine with her to day, for I must leave you,
And give you all the opportunity
A real Lover wishes with a Mistress.
Ism. So we have heard enough. [Ex. Clar. and Ism.
Ant. Oh, were Clarina chaste, as on my Soul
I cannot doubt, more than that I believe
All Womankind may be seduc'd from Virtue ;
I were the Man of all the World most bless' d
In such a Wife, and such a Friend as thou.
Alb. But what if I prevail, Antonio ?
Ant. Then I'll renounce my faith in Womankind,
And place my satisfaction in thy Amity.
But see, she comes, I'll leave you to your task.
140 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
Enter Ismena and Isabella.
Ism. Antonio not yet gone
This must secure me. [Pulls down her Veil
Ant. Clarina, why thus clouded ?
Isab. I see he has most happily mistaken.
Ism. I was going, Sir, to visit Laura
Ant. You must not go, I've business to the Duke,
And you must entertain my Friend till my return ;
It is a freedom not usual here amongst Ladies,
But I will have it so ;
Whom I esteem, I'll have you do so too.
Ism. Sir, I am all obedience.
[Exit Antonio, she pulls off her Veil-, Alberto salutes
her with seeming low ness.
Alb. Oh, how my Soul's divided
Between my Adoration and my Amity ! [Aside.
Friendship, thou sacred band, hold fast thy Interest ;
For yonder Beauty has a subtle power,
And can undo that knot, which other Arts
Could ne'er invent a way for.
Enter Antonio, and listens at the Door.
Ant. I'll see a little how he behaves himself. \_Aside.
Alb. But she's Antonio's Wife ; my Friend Antonio.
[Aside.
A Youth that made an Interest in my Soul,
When I had Language scarce to express my sense of it.
Ant. Death ! he speaks not to her. [Aside.
Alb. So grew we up to Man, and still more fixt ;
And shall a gaudy Beauty,
A thing which t'other day I never saw,
Deprive my Heart of that kind Heat,
And place a new and unknown Fire within ? [Aside.
Clarina, 'tis unjust.
Ism. Sir, did you speak to me ?
Alb. I have betray 'd my self [Aside.
sc. iv] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 141
Madam, I was saying how unjust it was
Antonio should leave me alone with a Lady,
Being certainly the worst to entertain them in the World.
Ant. His Face assures me he speaks of no Love to her
now.
Ism. Alas, he speaks not to me.
Sure Isabella was mistaken, who told me that he lov'd me.
Alberto^ if thou art oblig'd to me, [Aside.
For what I have not yet observed in thee,
Oh, do not say my Heart was easily won,
But blame your Eyes, whose forces none can shun.
Ant. Not a word, what can he mean by this?
Ism. Sir, will you please to sit a while ?
Isab. Madam, the inner Chamber is much better,
For there he may repose upon the Cushions
Till my Lord's return ; I see he is not well
And you are both sick of one Disease. [Aside.
Alb. I thank you, here's more Air,
And that I need, for I am all on fire, [Aside.
And every Look adds fuel to my flame.
I must avoid those Eyes, whose Light misguides me :
Madam, I have some business calls me hence,
And cannot wait my Friend's return.
Ism. Antonio y Sir, will think 'tis my neglect
That drove you hence; pray stay a little longer.
Alb. You shall command me, if you can dispense
With so dull Company.
Ism. I can with any thing Antonio loves.
Alb. Madam, it is a Virtue that becomes you ;
For though your Husband should not merit this,
Your Goodness is not less to be admir'd ;
But he's a Man so truly worth your Kindness,
That 'twere a Sin to doubt
Your Passion for him were not justly paid.
Ism. Sir, I believe you, and I hope he thinks
That my opinion of him equals yours;
142 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT i
'Tis plain he loves me not; [Aside.
Perhaps his Virtue, thinking me Clarina^
May hide the real Passion of his Soul.
Oh Love, what dangerous Paths thou mak'st us tread !
Ant. Cold, cold as Devotion, oh inhuman Friend
ship ! [Aside.
Alb. What shall I do next? I must either be rude,
And say nothing, or speak of Love to her ;
And then, my Friend, thou'rt lost should I prevail,
And I'm undone should she not hear my Tale,
Which for the World I would not have her hear ;
And yet I fear my Eyes too much declare.
Is?n. Since he's in so ill an Humour, let's leave him,
I'm satisfy'd now that thou'rt mistaken.
[Ex. Ismena and Isabella unseen.
Alb. But they shall gaze no more on hers,
Nor stray beyond the limits of a just Salute.
I will my Honour to my Love prefer,
And my Antonio shall out-rival her.
[Looks about, and misses them.
Ah, am I left alone ! how frail is Man !
That which last Moment I resolv'd upon,
I find my Heart already disapprove,
And grieve her loss; can this be ought but Love?
My Soul's dissatisfy'd now she is gone,
And yet but now I wish'd to be alone.
Inform me, Love, who shares the better part,
Friendship, or thee, in my divided Heart. [Offers to go.
Enter Antonio, and stays him.
Ant. Whither in such haste ?
Thou look'st e'en as sad as a Lover repuls'd,
I fear that Fate's not thine.
Alb. Now for a lye to satisfy him. [Aside.
Prithee discharge me of this toil of dissembling,
Of which I grow as weary as she's of hearing it.
sc. iv] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 143
Ant. Indeed !
Alb. Sure thou hast a design to make her hate me.
Ant. Do you think so in earnest, why, was she angry ?
Alb. Oh ! hadst thou seen her pretty blushing Scorn,
Which she would fain have hid,
Thou wouldst have pitied what I made her suffer.
Ant. Is't possible !
And didst present her with the Box of Jewels ?
Alb. Yes.
Ant. And kneel, and cry and swear, and
Alb. All, all.
Ant. I hardly gave thee time for so much Courtship,
But you are sure she was displeased with it?
Alb. Extremely.
Ant. Enough, Alberto ; adieu to thee and Friendship.
Alb. What mean you ?
Ant. Ask your own Guilt, it will inform thee best.
Alb. Thou canst not think Clarina has abus'd thee.
Ant. I do not think she has, nor have you try'd her ;
In that you have not only disoblig'd me,
But now you would impose upon my Weakness
Did I not see how unconcern'd you were,
And hardly paying her a due respect ;
And when she even invited thee to speak,
Most rudely thou wert silent ?
Alb. Be calm, Antonio , I confess my error,
And hate that Virtue taught me to deceive thee ;
Here, take my Hand,
I'll serve you in good earnest.
Ant. And now I do believe thee,
Go thou shalt lose no time, I must away,
My Soul's in torment, till I am confirmed
Of my Clarina s Virtue ;
I do believe thou hast a generous Shame,
For what thou'st said and done to me thy Friend.
For could I doubt thy Love, oh, how ridiculous
144 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT n
This act of mine would seem !
But 'tis to thee, as to my Soul I come,
Disputing every petty Crime and Doubt.
Alb. Antonio^ if there need an Oath between us
Ant. No, I credit thee; go in,
And prithee dress thy Eyes in all their Charms;
For this uncertainty disturbs me more,
Than if I knew Glarina were a Whore.
[Exeunt severally.
ACT II.
SCENE I. The Apartment of Frederick.
Enter Frederick with a Letter^ and Galliard.
Fred. Not allow me to speak to her, say ye, 'tis strange ;
Didst say it was the Prince that sent thee?
Gal. My Lord, I did, but he says, he cares not for
A thousand Princes.
Fred. I am resolv'd I will see this Woman ;
Harkye, go back again and say \_Whhpers.
Enter Lorenzo drunk.
Lor. Hah, the Prince he must not see me
In this pickle ; for I would not lose my Reputation
Of Wenching for this of Drinking ;
And I am sure I cannot be excellent at both,
They are inconsistent.
Gal. I shall, my Lord. [Exit.
Lor. Your Highness's humble Servant.
Fred. Ha, ha, what, Lorenzo in debauch ?
Lor. Now my Tongue will betray me :
Faith, my Lord, I have took six, but am come briskly off;
By this hand, my Lord, I am Cock over five
Stout Rogues too, I can tell you, at this sport.
Fred. I did not think thou hadst had that Virtue.
Lor. I'll tell you, Sir, 'tis necessary those of my
Office and Quality should have more Virtues
sc. i] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 145
Than one to recommend them ;
But to tell you truth, for now I am most apt for that,
I was drunk in mere Malice to day.
Fred. Malice, against whom, prithee ?
Lor. Why, why, Sir, the humorous old Fellow,
My Father,
He will not hear reason from me when I am sober.
My Lord, you know Curtius is an honest Fellow,
And one of us too ;
My Sister Laura is a good pretty Wench,
He loves her, and she likes him ;
And because this testy old Blade has done himself,
Do you think I can bring him to consider?
No, not for my Life, he won't consider, Sir ;
And now am I got drunk to see how that will edify him.
Fred. How ! is Laura, the Mistress of Curtius, your
Sister ?
Lor. Yes, marry is she, Sir, at least by the Mother's
side;
And to tell you truth,
We are too good-natur'd to believe
Salvator our Father.
Fred. Thy Sister, and Daughter to Salvator?
Lor. So said my Mother, but she was handsome ;
And on my conscience liv'd e'en in such another
Debauch'd World as 'tis now, let them say
What they will of their primitive Virtue.
Fred. May not I see this Sister of thine, Lorenzo?
Lor. Yes, by Venu^ shall you, Sir,
An she were my Mother.
Fred. But art sure thy Father will permit us?
Lor. My Father permit us !
He may do what he will when I am sober,
But being thus fortify'd with potent Wine,
He must yield obedience to my Will.
Why, my Lord, I'll tell you,
IV L
146 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT n
I'll make him ask me blessing when I am in this
Almighty Power.
Fred. And is thy Sister so very fine ?
Lor. The Girl is well, and if she were not my Sister,
I would give you a more certain Proof of my
Opinion of her ;
She has excellent good Hair, fine Teeth,
And good Hands, and the best natur'd Fool
Come, come, Sir, I'll bring you to her,
And then I'll leave you ;
For I have a small Affair of Love to dispatch.
Fred. This is a freedom that sutes not with the
Humour of an Italian.
Lor. No, faith, my Lord ; I believe my Mother play'd
Foul play with some Englishman;
I am so willing to do you a good office to my Sister.
And if by her Humour you become of that opinion too,
I shall hcpe to render myself more acceptable
To you by that Franchise.
Enter Galliard, whispers.
Fred. Thou knowest my grateful Temper,
No matter ; here, carry this Letter to Claris,
And make some excuse for my not coming this Evening.
[Gives him a Letter , and goes out with Lorenzo.
Gal. So, poor Lass, 'tis a hundred to one if she be not
Lay'd by now, and Laura must succeed her :
Well, even Frederick, I see, is but a Man,
But his Youth and Quality will excuse him;
And 'twill be call'd Gallantry in him,
When in one of us, 'tis Ill-nature and Inconstancy. [Exit.
SCENE II. Antonio's House.
Enter Ismena and Isabella.
Isab. Nay, Madam, 'tis in vain to deny it ;
Do you think I have liv'd to these years,
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 147
And cannot interpret cross Arms, imperfect Replies,
Your sudden Weepings, your often Sighing,
Your melancholy Walks, and making Verses too ?
And yet I must not say that this is Love.
Ism. Art thou so notable a Judge of it ?
Isab. I should be, or I am a very dull Scholar,
For I have lost the foolish Boy as many Darts,
As any Woman of my age in Florence.
Ism. Thou hast paid dear for thy knowledge then.
Isab. No, the hurt ones did, the other still made good,
with very little
Pain on either side.
Ism. I must confess, I think it is not so hard to get
Wounds, as 'tis to get them cur'd again.
Isab. I am not of your opinion, nor ever saw that
Man who had not Faults to Cure,
As well as Charms to kill.
Ism. Since thou'rt so good a Judge of Men,
Prithee tell me how thou lik'st Alberto.
Isab. I knew 'twould come to this [Aside.
Why, well, Madam.
Ism. No more than so ?
Isab. Yes, wondrous well, since I am sure he loves you,
And that indeed raises a Man's Value.
Ism. Thou art deceiv'd, I do not think he loves me.
Isab. Madam, you cannot but see a thousand Marks on't.
Ism. Thou hast more Skill than I ;
But prithee why does he not tell me so himself?
Isab. Oh Madam, whilst he takes you for C/arina y
'Twould shew his disrespect to tell his Love ?
But when he knows Ismena is the Object,
He'll tire you with the wish'd for story.
Ism. Ah, thou art a pleasing Flatterer.
Enter Page.
Page. Madam, Alberto is without.
148 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT n
Ism. Tell him Fm indispos'd, and cannot see him now.
Isab. Nay, good Madam, see him now by all means,
For I am sure my Lord Antonio is absent on purpose.
Bid him come in, Boy. [Exit Page.
Enter Alberto.
Ism. Antonio, Sir, is not returned.
Alb. Madam, this Visit was not meant to him,
But by a Cause more pressing I am brought,
Such as my Passion, not My Friendship taught;
A Passion which my Sighs have only shewn,
And now beg leave my bashful Tongue may own.
The knowledge, Madam, will not much surprise,
Which you have gain'd already from mine Eyes;
My timorous Heart that way my Tongue would spare,
And tells you of the Flames you've kindled there :
'Tis long I've suffered under this Constraint,
Have always suffer'd, but ne'er made Complaint ;
And now against my will I must reveal
What Love and my Respect would fain conceal.
Ism. What mean you, Sir ? what have you seen in me,
That should encourage this temerity?
Alb. A world of Beauties, and a world of Charms,
And every Smile and Frown begets new harms ;
In vain I strove my Passion to subdue,
Which still increas'd the more I look'd on you ;
Nor will my Heart permit me to retire,
But makes my Eyes the convoys to my Fire,
And not one Glance you send is cast away.
Ism. Enough, my Lord, have you nought else to say ?
The Plot's betray 'd, and can no further go ; [Smiles.
The Stratagem's discover'd to the Foe ;
I find Antonio has more Love than Wit,
And I'll endeavour too to merit it.
Alb. What you have said, I do confess is true,
Antonio beg'd I would make love to you ;
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 149
But, Madam, whilst my heart was unconfin'd,
A thousand ways the Treachery I declin'd
But now, Clarina, by my Life I swear,
It is my own concern that brings me here :
Had he been just to you, I had suppressed
The Flames your Eyes have kindled in my Breast;
But his Suspicion rais'd my Passion more,
And his Injustice taught me to adore:
But 'tis a Passion which you may allow,
Since its effects shall never injure you.
Ism. You have oblig'd me, Sir, by your Confession,
And I shall own it too at such a rate,
As both becomes my Duty to Antonio,
And my Respect to you ; but I must beg
You'll never name your Passion to me more,
That guilty Language, Sir, I must not hear:
And yet your silence kills me. [Aside.
Isab. Very well dissembled. [Aside.
Alb. I can obey you, Madam, though I cannot live,
Whilst you command me silence ;
For 'tis a Flame that dares not look abroad
To seek for pity from another's Eyes.
Ism. How he moves me ! if this were real now,
Or that he knew to whom he made this Courtship [Aside.
Alb. Oh, do not turn away as if displeas'd.
Ism. No more, you've discompos'd my thoughts;
Be gone, and never let me see thy Face again.
Alb. Madam, I go, and will no more offend you,
But I will look my last farewel. \_0ff ers to g-
Isab. Pray, Madam, call him back, he may be desperate.
My Lord, return
Ism. Alberto, tell me what you'd have me do.
Alb. Ah, Madam, do not put me to my choice,
For Lovers are unreasonable ;
If I might name it, I would have you love me.
Ism. Love you, and what would be the end of that ?
150 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT n
Alb. I cannot tell, but wish you were inclined
To make a tryal, Madam ;
I have no thought or wish beyond that Blessing,
And that once gain'd, sure I should ask no more.
Ism. Were I inclin'd to this, have you considered
The fatal Consequences which attend
The breach of Vows and Friendship ?
Alb. Madam, Antonio first was false to you,
And not to punish that were such a Virtue
As he would never thank you for ;
By all that's good, till he prov'd so to you,
He had my Soul in keeping;
But this act makes me resolve
To recompense his Folly.
Ism. You've found the easiest Passage to my Heart,
You've took it on the weakest side ;
But I must beg you will pretend no further.
Alb. Divine Clarina, let me pay my thanks
In this submissive Posture, and never rise, [Kneels.
Till I can gain so much upon your Credit,
As to believe my Passion tends no farther
Than to adore you thus and thus possess you.
[Kisses her hand^ and bows.
Ism. Have not I dissembled finely, Isabella? [Aside.
Isab. Yes, if you could make me believe 'tis so. [Aside.
Ism. Rise, Sir, and leave me, that I may blush alone
For what I've parted with so easily ;
Pray do not visit me again too soon,
But use your own discretion, and be secret.
Alb. Madam, the blessed Secret here is lodg'd,
Which Time shall ne'er reveal to human Knowledge.
[Ex. Alb.
Ism. I'm glad he's gone before Antonio's return.
Enter Laura weeping.
What, Laura, all in Tears ! the reason, pray.
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 151
Lau. Madam, the Prince, conducted by my Brother,
About an Hour since made me a Visit ;
The Man of all the World I would have shun'd,
Knowing his amorous and inconstant Temper.
At his approach he blusht and started back,
And I with great amazement did the like.
With fear I lost all power of going from him.
As he had done of making his Address;
He gaz'd and wonder'd, and I gaz'd on him,
And from his silence I became amaz'd.
My Brother stood confounded at our Postures,
And only by the motion of his Head
(Which now he turn'd to me, then on the Prince)
We knew that he had Life.
Ism. Well, how recovered ye ?
Lau. The Prince then kneel'd, but could approach no
nearer ;
And then as if he'd taken me for some Deity,
He made a long disorder'd amorous Speech,
Which brought me back to Sense again :
But Lorenzo told him that I was a Mortal,
And brought him nearer to me,
Where he began to make such Vows of Love
Ism. What then ?
Lau. Then I am ruin'd
To all I said he found a contradiction,
And my denials did but more inflame him ;
I told him of the Vows Tad made to Curtius^
But he reply'd that Curtius was a Subject.
But sure at last I'd won upon his Goodness,
Had not my Father enter'd,
To whom the Prince addrest himself;
And with his moving tale so won upon him,
Or rather by his Quality,
That he has gain'd his leave to visit me,
And quite forbids me e'er to speak to Curtius.
152 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT n
Ism. Alas the day, is this all ?
Lau. All ! can there be more to make me miserable ?
Ism. I see no reason thou hast to complain :
Come, wipe your Eyes, and take a good Heart;
For I'll tell thee a Story of my own,
That will let thee see I have much more cause to weep ;
And yet I have a thousand little Stratagems
In my Head, which give me as many hopes :
This unlucky restraint upon our Sex,
Makes us all cunning; and that shall assist thee now
With my help, I warrant thee ;
Come in with me, and know the rest. [Exeunt.
Isab. So, so, disguise it how you will,
I know you are a real Lover ;
And that secret shall advance my Love-design.
Yes, Madam, now I will be serv'd by you,
Or you shall fail to find a Friend of me. \_Ex. Isab.
SCENE III. The Street.
Enter Lorenzo drunk, with a Page, and Mustek, as in
the dark.
Lor. Here's the Door, begin and play your best,
But let them be soft low Notes, do you hear ? [ They play.
Enter Antonio.
Ant. Musick at my Lodgings ! it is Alberto ;
Oh, how I love him for't if Clarina stand his
Courtship, I am made ;
I languish between Hope and Fear.
Lor. Stay, Friend, I hear somebody. [Musick ceases.
Pag. 'Tis nobody, Sir.
Enter Isabella.
Isab. 'Tis Lorenzo, and my Plot's ripe ; [Aside.
[Lorenzo being retired the while a little further.
'Twill not sure be hard to get him, under pretence
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 153
Of seeing Clarina, into my Chamber,
And then I'll order him at my pleasure ;
Ismena is on my side, for I know all her Secrets,
And she must wink at mine therefore. \_She retires.
Lor. Thou art in the right, Boy,
I think indeed 'twas nothing, [Plays again.
Enter Alberto.
Alb. She yields, bad Woman !
Why so easily won ?
By me too, who am thy Husband's Friend :
Oh dangerous Boldness ! unconsidering Woman !
I lov'd thee, whilst I thought thou couldst not yield ;
But now that Easiness has undone thy Interest in my Heart,
I'll back, and tell thee that it was to try thee.
Lor. No, no, 'twas my Fears, away with the Song,
I'll take it on your word that 'tis fit for my purpose.
Fid. I'll warrant you, my Lord.
SONG.
IN vain I have laboured the Victor to prove
Of a Heart that can ncer give attendance to Love ^
So hard to be done.
That nothing so young
Could e'er have resisted a Passion so long.
Yet nothing I left unattempted or said.
That might soften the Heart of this pitiless Maid ;
But still she was shy y
And would blushing deny,
Whilst her willinger Eyes gave her Language the lye.
Since, Phillis, my Passion you vow to despise,
Withdraw the false Hopes from your flattering Eyes:
For whilst they inspire
A resistless vain Fire,
We shall grow to abhor, what we now do admire.
[Ex. Musick.
1 54 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT u
Alb. What's this, and at Clarinets Lodgings too?
Sure 'tis Antonio, impatient of delay,
Gives her a Serenade for me.
Enter Isabella.
hab. 'Tis the Fool himself
My Lord, where are you ?
Alb. How ! a Woman's Voice ! 'tis dark, I'll advance.
Lor. Thou Simpleton, I told thee there was somebody.
Pag. Lord, Sir, 'tis only Isabella that calls you.
Lor. Away, Sirrah, I find by my fears 'tis no Woman.
[Goes out with the Page.
hab. Why don't you come ? here's nobody.
Alb. Here I am.
hab. Where?
Alb. Here. [Gives her his Hand.
hab. My Lord, you may venture, Clarina will be
Alone within this Hour, where you shall entertain
Her at your freedom : but you must stay awhile in my
Chamber till my Lord's a bed ;
For none but I must know of the favour she designs you.
Alb. Oh Gods ! what Language do I hear
False and Perfidious Woman, I might have thought,
Since thou wert gain'd so easily by me,
Thou wouldst with equal haste yield to another.
hab. It is not Lorenzo, what shall I do ? [She stea/s in.
Enter Lorenzo and Page.
Lor. A Pox of all damn'd cowardly fear !
Now did I think I had drunk Nature up to Resolution :
I have heard of those that could have dar'd in their Drink ;
But I find, drunk or sober, 'tis all one in me.
Alb. The Traitor's here,
Whom I will kill whoe'er he be.
Lor. Boy, go see for Isabella.
Pag. I see a Man should not be a Coward and a Lover
At once Isabella, Isabella, she's gone, Sir. [Calls.
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 155
Alb. Yes, Villain, she's gone, and in her room
Is one that will chastise thy Boldness.
Lor. That's a proud word though, whoe'er thou be;
But how I shall avoid it, is past my Understanding.
Alb. Where art thou, Slave?
[Alberto gropes for him y he avoids him.
Pag. Take heart, Sir, here's company which I will
Get to assist you
Enter Antonio.
Sir, as you are a Gentleman, assist a stranger set upon by
Thieves.
[They fight, Antonio with Alberto, Alberto^//;,
is wounded. Lor. and Page run away the while.
Alb. Whoe'er thou be'st that takes the Traitor's part,
Commend me to the wrong'd Antonio.
Ant. Alberto ! dear Alberto, is it thee ?
Alb. Antonio!
Ant. I am asham'd to say I am Antonio ;
Oh Gods, why would you suffer this mistake?
Alb. I am not wounded much,
My greatest pain is my concern for thee;
Friend, thou art wrong'd, falsely and basely wrong'd ;
Clarina, whom you lov'd and fear'd,
Has now betray'd thy Honour with her own.
Ant. Without that sad addition to my Grief,
I should not long have born the weight of Life,
Having destroy'd thine by a dire mistake.
Alb. Thou art deceiv'd.
Ant. Alas, why was it not permitted me
To lose my Friend, or Wife ? had one surviv'd,
I might have dy'd in silence for the other ;
Oh my Alberto! oh Clarina too ! \_Weeps.
Alb. Come, do not grieve for me, I shall be well,
I yet find strength enough to get away ;
And then I'll let thee know my Fate and thine. [Exeunt.
156 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT n
SCENE IV. Antonio's House.
Enter Clarina, Ismena, and Isabella weeping.
Isab. For Heaven sake, Madam, pardon me.
Clar. Be dumb for ever, false and treacherous Woman,
Was there no way but this to mask your Cheat?
A Lye which has undone us all.
Isab. Alas, 'twas in the dark, how could I know him ?
Pray forgive it me, and try my future Service.
Clar. I never will forgive thee, naughty Girl ;
Alberto now incens'd will tell Antonio all.
Isab. What need you care, Madam ?
You are secure enough.
Clar. Thou salv'st an Error with a greater still ;
Dost thou not know Antonio 1 s Jealousy,
Which yet is moderate, rais'd to a higher pitch,
May ruin me, Ismena^ and thy self?
Ism. Sister, there cannot be much harm in this;
'Tis an ill chance, 'tis true, for by it we have lost
The pleasure of an innocent Revenge
Upon Antonio; but if understood,
We have but miss'd that end.
Clar. Oh Ismena!
This Jealousy is an unapprehensive madness,
A non-sense which does still abandon Reason.
Isab. Madam, early in the Morning
I'll to Alberto's Lodgings, and tell him the mistake.
Clar. 'Twill be too late.
Ism. Sister, what think you if I go myself?
Clar. You should not be so daring;
Besides, I blush to think what strange opinion
He'll entertain of me the while.
Ism. Do not let that afflict you.
Fetch my Veil, and if Antonio chance to ask for me,
Tell him I'm gone to Laura. [Ex. Isab.
Believe me, I will set all strait again.
sc. v] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 157
Enter Isabella with the Veil.
Clar. Thou hast more Courage, Girl, than I.
Ism. What need is there of much of that,
To encounter a gay young Lover,
Where I am sure there cannot be much danger ?
Clar. Well, take your chance, I wish you luck, Sir,
For I am e'en as much bent upon Revenge,
As thou art upon Marriage.
Ism. Come, my Veil, this and the Night
Will enough secure me. [Puts on the Veil and goes out.
[Ex. Clar. and Isab.
SCENE V. A Chamber in Alberto's House.
Discovers Alberto and Antonio.
Alb. Nay, thou shalt see't before thou dost revenge it ;
In such a case, thy self should be the Witness,
She knows not what has past to night between us,
Nor should she, if thou couldst contain thy Rage ;
And that, Antonio, you shall promise me :
To morrow place thy self behind the Arras,
And from thy Eyes thy own Misfortunes know.
What will not disobliged Passion do? [Aside.
Ant. I'll hide my Anger in a seeming calm,
And what I have to do consult the while,
And mask my Vengeance underneath a Smile. [Ex. Ant.
Enter Page.
Pag. My Lord, there is without a Lady
Desires to speak with you.
Alb. Whois't?
Pag. I know not, Sir, she's veiled. [Exit Page.
Enter Ismena weeping.
Alb. Conduct her in.
Ism. Oh Alberto, Isabella has undone us all !
Alb. She weeps, and looks as innocent !
What mean you, false dissembling Clarina?
158 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT n
What, have you borrow'd from Deceit new Charms,
And think'st to fool me to a new belief?
Ism. How, Sir, can you too be unkind ?
Nay then 'tis time to die ; alas, there wanted but your credit
To this mistake, to make me truly miserable.
Alb. What Credit ? What Mistake ? oh, undeceive me,
For I have done thee Injuries past Forgiveness,
If thou be'st truly innocent.
Ism. If Isabella, under pretence of courting me
For Lorenzo, whom she designs to
Make a Husband,
Has given him freedoms will undo my Honour,
If not prevented soon.
Alb. May I credit this, and that it was not by thy
Command she did it?
Ism. Be witness, Heaven, my Innocence in this,
Which if you will believe, I'm safe again.
Alb. I do believe thee, but thou art not safe,
Here, take this Poyniard, and revenge thy Wrongs,
Wrongs which I dare not beg a Pardon for.
[He gives her a Dagger.
Ism. Why, Sir, what have you done ? have you
Deceiv'd me, and do you not indeed love me ?
Alb. Oh Clarinal do not ask that Question,
Too much of that has made me ruin thee ;
It made me jealous, drunk with Jealousy,
And then I did unravel all my Secrets.
Ism. What Secrets, Sir? you have then seen Antonio.
Alb. Yes.
Ism. Hah Now, Wit, if e'er thou did'st possess
A Woman, assist her at her need. [Aside.
Well, Sir, rise and tell me all.
Alb. I will not rise till you have pardoned me,
Or punished my Misfortune.
Ism. Be what it will, I do forgive it thee.
Alb. Antonio, Madam, knows my Happiness,
sc. v] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 159
For in my Rage I told him that you lov'd me;
What shall I do ?
Ism. I cannot blame you though it were unkind.
Alb. This I could help, but I have promised him,
That he shall be a witness of this Truth ;
What say you, Madam, do I not merit Death ?
Oh speak, and let me know my doom whate'er it be.
Ism. Make good your Word.
Alb. What mean you ?
Ism. What you have promised him, perform as you
intended.
Alb. What then?
Ism. Then come as you design'd to visit me.
Alb. But let me know what 'tis you mean to do,
That I may act accordingly.
Ism. No. Answer me to every Question ask'd,
And I perhaps may set all strait again ;
It is now late, and I must not be missing :
But if you love me, be no more jealous of me,
Farewel.
Alb. Must I be ignorant then of your Design ?
Ism. Yes, Alberto;
And you shall see what Love will make a Woman do.
\_He leads her out.
Alb. Now am I caught again, inconstant Nature.
Would she had less of Beauty or of Wit,
Or that Antonio did but less deserve her ;
Or that she were not married,
Or Fad less Virtue, for 'tis that which awes me.
That tender sense of nothing,
And makes the other Reasons seem as Bugbears.
I love Clarina more than he can do.
And yet this Virtue doth oppose that Love,
Tells me there lurks a Treason there
Against Antonio's and Clarinet's Virtue.
'Tis but too true indeed, and I'm not safe,
160 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT in
Whilst I conceal the Criminal within :
I must reveal it, for whilst I hide the Traitor,
I seem to love the Treason too ;
I will resign it then, since 'tis less blame
To perish by my Pain, than live with Shame. [Exit.
ACT III.
SCENE I. A Room in Salvator's House.
Enter Frederick and Laura.
Fred. Laura, consider well my Quality,
And be not angry with your Father's Confidence,
Who left us here alone.
Lau. He will repent that Freedom when he knows
What use you've made on't, Sir.
Fred. Fy, fy, Laura, a Lady bred at Court, and
Yet wart complaisance enough to entertain
A Gallant in private ! this coy Humour
Is not a-la-mode. Be not so peevish with a Heart that
dies for you.
Lau. Pray tell me, Sir, what is't in me that can
Encourage this?
Fred. That which is in all lovely Women, Laura;
A thousand Blushes play about your Cheeks,
Which shows the briskness of the Blood that warms them.
If I but tell you how I do adore you,
You strait decline your Eyes;
Which does declare you understand my meaning,
And every Smile or Frown betrays your thoughts,
And yet you cry, you do not give me cause.
Enter Maid.
Maid. Curtius, Madam, waits without.
Fred. I do not like his haste,
Tell him he cannot be admitted now.
sc. i] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 161
Lau. Sir, he is one that merits better treatment from
you;
How can you injure thus the Man you love ?
Fred. Oh Madam, ask your Eyes, those powerful
Attracts.
And do not call their Forces so in question,
As to believe they kindle feeble Fires,
Such as a Friendship can surmount. No, Laura,
They've done far greater Miracles.
Lau. Sir, 'tis in vain you tell me of their Power,
Unless they could have made a nobler Conquest
Than Hearts that yield to every petty Victor.
Look on me well,
Can nothing here inform you of my Soul,
And how it scorns to treat on these Conditions?
[Looks on kirn, be gazes with a half Smile.
Fred. Faith, no, Laura.
I see nothing there but wondrous Beauty,
And a deal of needless Pride and Scorn,
And such as may t>e humbled.
Lau. Sir, you mistake, that never can abate.
But yet I know your Power may do me injuries ;
But I believe you're guilty of no Sin,
Save your Inconstancy, which is sufficient,-
And, Sir, I beg I may not be the first [Kneels and weeps.
May find new Crimes about you.
Fred. Rise, Laura, thou hast but too many Beauties,
Which pray be careful that you keep conceal'd.
[Offers to go.
Lau. I humbly thank you, Sir.
Fred. But why should this interposing Virtue check
me?
Stay, Laura, tell me ; must you marry Curtius ?
Lau. Yes, Sir, I must.
Fred. Laura, you must not.
Lau. How, Sir !
IV M
162 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT in
Fred. I say you shall not marry him,
Unless you offer up a Victim,
That may appease the Anger you have rais'd in me.
Lau. I'll offer up a thousand Prayers and Tears.
Fred. That will not do.
Since thou'st deny'd my just Pretensions to thee,
No less than what I told you of shall satisfy me.
Lau. Oh, where is all your Honour and your Virtue ?
Fred. Just where it was, there's no such real thing.
I know that thou wert made to be possest,
And he that does refuse it, loves thee least.
There's danger in my Love, and your Delay,
And you are most secure whilst you obey.
[He pulls her gently.
Lau. Then this shall be my safety, hold off,
[She draws a Dagger.
Or I'll forget you are my Prince. [He laughs.
Fred. Pretty Virago, how you raise my Love?
I have a Dagger too; what will you do?
\_Show s her a Dagger.
Enter Curtuis.
Cur. How ! the Prince ! arm'd against Laura too !
[Draws.
Fred. Traitor, dost draw upon thy Prince ?
Cur. Your Pardon, Sir, I meant it on a Ravisher,
A foul misguided Villain, [Bows.
One that scarce merits the brave name of Man ;
One that betrays his Friend, forsakes his Wife,
And would commit a Rape upon my Mistress.
Fred. Her Presence is thy Safety, be gone and leave me.
Cur. By no means, Sir ; the Villain may return,
To which fair Laura, should not be expos'd.
Fred. Slave, dar'st thou disobey ? [Offers to fight.
Cur. Hold, Sir, and do not make me guilty of a Sin,
Greater than that of yours.
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 163
Enter Salvator.
Salv. Gods pity me ; here's fine doings ! Why, how
Came this roistring Youngster into my House? Sir,
Who sent for you, hah ?
Cur. Love.
Salv. Love, with a Witness to whom ? my Daughter ?
No, Sir, she's otherwise dispos'd of I can assure
You. Be gone and leave my House, and that quickly
Too; and thank me that I do not secure
Thee for a Traitor.
Cur. Will you not hear me speak ?
Salv. Not a word, Sir, go, be gone ; unless your
Highness will have him apprehended. [70 Fred.
Fred. No, Sir, it shall not need Curtius, look
To hear from me.
[Comes up to him, and tells him so in a menacing Tone,
and go out severally.
Salv. Go, Mrs. Minks, get you in. \_Ex. Salv. and Lau.
SCENE II. A Street.
Enter Frederick passing in Anger over the Stage,
meets Lorenzo.
Lor. O Sir, I'm glad I've found you ; for
I have the rarest News for you.
Fred. What News?
Lor. Oh the Devil, he's angry ; Why, Sir, the pret
tiest young
Fred. There's for your Intelligence.
[Strike* him, and goes out.
Lor. So, very well ; how mortal is the favour of
Princes ! these be turns of State now ; what the
Devil ails he trow ; sure he could not be
Offended with the News I have brought him ;
If he be, he's strangely out of tune :
164 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT in
And sure he has too much Wit to grow virtuous at these
Years. No, no, he has had some repulse from a
Lady ; and that's a wonder ; for he has a Tongue and a
Purse that seldom fails : if Youth and Vigour would
Stretch as far, he were the wonder of the Age.
Enter Curtius.
Cur. Lorenzo, didst thou see the Prince ?
Lor. Marry, did I, and feel him too.
Cur. Why, did he strike you ?
Lor. I'm no true Subject if he did not ; and that
Only for doing; that Service which once was most accept
able
To him. Prithee what's the matter with him, hah ?
Cur. I know not, leave me.
Lor. Leave thee, what, art thou out of humour too ?
Let me but know who 'tis has disoblig'd thee, and I'll
Cur. What wilt thou ?
Lor. Never see his Face more, if a Man.
Cur. And what if a Woman ?
Lor. Then she's an idle peevish Slut, I'll warrant her.
Cur. Conclude it so, and leave me.
Lor. Nay, now thou hast said the only thing that could
Keep me with thee, thou mayst be desperate ; I'll
Tell you, Curtius, these female Mischiefs make Men
Take dangerous Resolutions sometimes.
Enter Alberto.
Alb. Curtius, I've something to deliver to your Ear.
[ Whispers.
Cur. Any thing from Alberto is welcome.
Lor. Well, I will be hang'd if there be not some
Mischief in agitation ; it cannot be wenching;
They look all too dull and sober for that ;
And besides, then I should have been a party concern'd.
Cur. The place and time.
Alb. An hour hence i'th' Grove by the River-side,
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 165
Cur. Alone, thou say'st ?
Alb. Alone, the Prince will have it so.
Cur. I will not fail a moment. [Ex. Alb.
So this has eas'd my heart of half its Load.
Lor. I'll sneak away, for this is some fighting
Business, and I may perhaps be invited a Second,
A Compliment I care not for. \.Off ers to &'
Cur. Lorenzo, a word with you.
Lor. 'Tis so, what shall I do now? [Aside.
Cur. Stay.
Lor. I am a little in haste, my Lord.
Cur. I shall soon dispatch you.
Lor. I believe so, for I am half dead already
With Fear. [Aside.] Sir, I have promised to make a visit
To a Lady, and
Cur. What I've to say will not detain you long.
Lor. What a Dog was I, I went not
When he first desir'd me to go !
Oh Impertinency, thou art justly rewarded !
Cur. Lorenzo, may I believe you love me ?
Lor. Now what shall I say, Ay or no? [Aside.
The Devil take me if I know.
Cur. Will you do me a favour ?
Lor. There 'tis again. [Aside.
Cur. I know I may trust thee with a secret.
Lor. Truly, Curtius, I cannot tell.
In some cases I am not very retentive.
Cur. I am going about a business, that perhaps
May take up all the time I have to live,
And I may never see thy Sister more ;
Will you oblige me in a Message to her ?
Lor. You know you may command me ;
I'm glad 'tis no worse. [Aside.
Cur. Come, go with me into my Cabinet,
And there I'll write to Laura,
And prithee if thou hear'st that I am dead,
1 66 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT in
Tell her I fell a Sacrifice to her,
And that's enough, she understands the rest.
Lor. But harkye, Curtius, by your favour, this is but a
Scurvy Tale to carry to your Mistress ;
I hope you are not in earnest.
Cur. Yes.
Lor. Yes! why, what a foolish idle humour's this in you?
I vow 'twill go near to break the poor Girl's Heart j
Come, be advis'd, Man.
Cur. Perhaps I may consider on't for that reason.
Lor. There are few that go about such businesses,
But have one thing or other to consider in favour of Life ;
I find that even in the most magnanimous:
Prithee who is't with ?
Cur. That's counsel : and pray let this too which I have
Told you be a Secret, for 'twill concern your Life.
Lor. Good Curtius, take it back again then ;
For a hundred to one but my over-care of keeping it
Will betray it.
Cur. Thou lovest thy self better.
Lor. Well, that's a comfort yet. [Exeunt.
SCENE III. A Wood.
Enter Cloris dressed like a Country-Boy, followed by
Guilliam a Clown ; Cloris comes reading a Letter.
Clo. [Reads.] Cloris, beware of Men ; for though I
my self be one,
Yet I have the Frailties of my Sex, and can dissemble too ;
Trust none of us, for if thou dost, thou art undone ;
We make Vows to all alike we see,
And even the best of Men, the Prince,
Is not to be credited in an affair of Love.
Oh Curtius, thy advice was very kind ;
Had it arriv'd before Fad been undone !
Can Frederick too be false !
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 167
A Prince, and be unjust to her that loves him too?
Surely it is impossible
Perhaps thou lov'st me too, and this may be
[Pointing to the Letter.
Some Plot of thine to try my Constancy :
Howe'er it be, since he could fail last night
Of seeing me, I have at least a cause to justify
This shameful change ; and sure in this Disguise,
I shall not soon be known, dost think I shall?
[Looks on herself.
Gut/. Why, forsooth, what do you intend to pass for,
A Maid or a Boy ?
Clo. Why, what I seem to be, will it not do?
Gui/. Yes, yes, it may do, but I know not what ;
I would Love would transmography me to a Maid now,
We should be the prettiest Couple :
Don't you remember when you dress'd me up the last
Carnival, was I not the woundiest handsome Lass
A body could see in a Summer's day?
There was Claud the Shepherd as freakish after me,
I'll warrant you, and simper'd and tript it like any thing.
Clo. Ay, but they say 'tis dangerous for young
Maids to live at Court.
Guil. Nay, then I should be loth to give temptation.
Pray, forsooth, what's that you read so often there ?
Clo. An advice to young Maids that are in love.
Guil. Ay, ay, that same Love is a very vengeance thing,
Wou'd I were in love too ; I see it makes a body valiant ;
One neither feels Hunger nor Cold that is possest with it.
Clo. Thou art i'th' right, it can do Miracles.
Guil. So it seems, for without a Miracle you and I could
never
Have rambled about these Woods all night without either
Bottle or Wallet :
I could e'en cry for hunger now.
Clo. What a dull Soul this Fellow hath ?
1 68 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT in
Sure it can never feel the generous Pains
Of Love, as mine does now ; oh, how I glory
To find my Heart above the common rate !
Were not my Prince inconstant,
I would not envy what the Blessed do above :
But he is false, good Heaven ! \Weeps. Guil. howls.
What dost thou feel, that thou shouldst weep with me ?
Guil. Nothing but Hunger, sharp Hunger, forsooth.
Clo. Leave calling me forsooth, it will betray us.
Guil. What shall I call you then ?
Clo. Call me, Philibert) or any thing ;
And be familiar with me : put on thy Hat, lest any come
and see us.
Guil. 'Tis a hard name, but I'll learn it by heart.
Well, Philibert What shall we do when we come
to Court? [Puts on his Hat.
Besides eating and drinking, which I shall do in abundance.
Clo. We must get each of us a Service :
But thou art such a Clown.
Guil. Nay, say not so, honest Philibert : for look ye,
I am much the properer Fellow of the two. \_Walks.
Clo. Well, try thy fortune ; but be sure you never
discover
Me, whatever Questions may chance to be asked thee.
Guil. I warrant thee, honest Lad, I am true and trusty j
But I must be very familiar with you, you say.
Clo. Yes, before Company.
Guil. Pray let me begin and practise a little now,
An't please you, for fear I should not be saucy enough,
When we arrive at Court.
Clo. I'll warrant you you'll soon learn there.
Guil. Oh Lord, Philibert! Philibert! I see a Man a
coming
Most deadly fine, let's run away.
Clo. Thus thou hast serv'd me all this night,
There's not a Bush we come at, but thou start'st thus.
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 169
Gull. 'Tis true you are a Lover, and may stay the
danger on't ;
But I'll make sure for one.
Clo. It is the Prince, oh Gods ! what makes he here ?
With Looks disordered too; this Place is fit for Death
and sad
Despair ; the melancholy Spring a sleepy murmur makes,
A proper Consort for departing Souls,
When mix'd with dying Groans, and the thick Boughs
Compose a dismal Roof;
Dark as the gloomy Shades of Death or Graves.
He comes this way, I'll hide my self awhile.
[Goes behind a Bush.
Enter Frederick.
Fred. But yet not this, nor my despight to Laura^
Shall make me out of love with Life,
Whilst I have youthful Fires about my Heart :
Yet I must fight with Curtius^
And so chastise the Pride of that fond Maid,
Whose saucy Virtue durst controul my Flame.
And yet I love her not as I do Chris ,
But fain I would have overcome that Chastity,
Of which the foolish Beauty boasts so.
Clo. Curtius, I thank thee, now I do believe thee.
Guil/iam, if thou seest any fighting anon,
[The Prince walks.
Be sure you run out and call some body.
Gull. You need not bid me run away, when I once
See them go to that.
Enter Curtius.
Cur. Sir, I am come as you commanded me.
Fred. When you consider what you've lately done,
You will not wonder why I sent for you;
And when I mean to fight, I do not use to parly :
Come draw.
ijo THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT in
Cur. Shew me my Enemy, and then if I am slow
Fred. I am he, needst thou one more powerful ?
Cur. You, Sir ! what have I done to make you so?
Fred. If yet thou want'st a further proof of it,
Know I'll dispute my Claim to Laura.
Cur. That must not be with me, Sir ;
God forbid that I should raise my Arm against my Prince.
If Laura have so little Faith and Virtue,
To render up that Right belongs to me,
With all my heart I yield her
To any but to you :
And, Sir, for your own sake you must not have her.
Fred. Your Reason ?
Cur. Sir, you're already married.
Fred. Thou lyest, and seek'st excuses for thy Cowardice.
Cur. I wish you would recal that hasty Injury ;
Yet this I'll bear from you, who know 'tis false.
Fred. Will nothing move thee ?
Cur. You would believe so, Sir, if I should tell you,
That besides all this, I have a juster Cause.
Fred. Juster than that of Laura? call it up, then,
And let it save thee from a further shame.
Cur. Yes, so I will, 'tis that of Chris,
Who needs my aids much more ;
Do you remember such a Virgin, Sir?
For so she was till she knew Frederick,
The sweetest Innocent that ever Nature made.
Fred. Not thy own Honour, nor thy Love to Laura,
Would make thee draw, and now at Cloris' Name
Thou art incens'd, thy Eyes all red with Rage :
Oh, thou hast rouz'd my Soul !
Nor would I justify my Wrongs to her,
Unless it were to satisfy my Jealousy,
Which thou hast rais'd in me by this concern.
Draw, or I'll kill thee.
Cur. Stay, Sir, and hear me out.
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 171
Fred. I will not stay, now I reflect on all
Thy former kindness to her
Cur. I will not fight, but I'll defend my self.
[They fight.
Fred. We are betray 'd.
Cur. Yes, Sir, and you are wounded.
[Guil. runs bawling out, they are both wounded.
Clo. Oh Heaven defend the Prince ! [She peeps.
Fred. I hear some coming, go, be gone,
And save thy self by flight.
[Frederick stands leaning on his Sword.
Cur. Sir, give me leave to stay, my flight will look
like Guilt.
Fred. By no means, Curtius, thou wilt be taken here,
And thou shalt never charge me with that Crime of
betraying
Thee : when we meet next, we'll end it.
Cur. I must obey you then. [Exit.
Enter Cloris.
do. Sir, has the Villain hurt you? [She supports him.
Pray Heaven my Sorrows do not betray me now ;
For since he's false, I fain would die conceal'd. [Aside.
Shew me your Wound, and I will tie it up.
Alas, you bleed extremely.
Fred. Kind Youth, thy Succours are in vain, though
welcome ;
For though I bleed, I am not wounded much.
Clo. No? why did you let him pass unpunished then,
Who would have hurt you more ?
Enter Guilliam with Galliard.
Gal. Where was't?
Guil. Look ye, Sir, there, don't you see them?
Gal. How does your Highness? This Fellow told me
Of a quarrel here, which made me haste.
Fred. Be silent, and carry me to my own apartment.
172 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT in
Gal. Alas, Sir, is it you that fought ?
Fred. No more Questions.
Kind Boy, pray leave me not till I have found
A way to recompense thy pretty care of me.
Clo. I will wait on you, Sir. \_Exeunt all but Guil.
Enter Lorenzo and his Page. Peeps first.
Lor. What's the matter here? the Prince is wounded too.
Oh, what a Dog was I to know of some such thing,
And not secure them all ?
[Lor. stands gazing at Guil. Guil. stands tabering
bis Hat, and scruing his Face.
What's here ? Ha, ha, ha, this is the pleasantest
Fellow that e'er I saw in my Life.
Prithee, Friend, what's thy Name ?
Guil. My Name, an't shall like ye.
My Name, it is Guilliam.
Lor. From whence comest thou?
Guil. From a Village a great huge way oft.
Lor. And what's thy business here, hah ?
Guil. Truly, Sir, not to tell a Lye ;
I come to get a Service here at Court.
Lor. A Service at Court ! ha, ha, that's a pleasant
Humour, i'faith. Why, Fellow, what canst thou do?
Guil. Do, Sir ! I can do any thing.
Lor. Why, what canst thou do ? canst thou dress well ?
Set a Peruke to advantage, tie a Crevat,
And Cuffs? put on a Belt with dexterity, hah?
These be the Parts that must recommend you.
Guil. I know not what you mean,
But I am sure I can do them all.
Lor. Thou art confident it seems, and I can tell
You, Sirrah, that's a great step to Preferment ;
But well, go on then, canst ride the great Horse?
Guil. The biggest in all our Town
I have rid a thousand times.
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 173
Lor. That's well ; canst fence ?
Guil. Fence, Sir, what's that ?
Lor. A Term we use for the Art and Skill of hand
ling a Weapon.
Gull. I can thrash, Sir.
Lor. What's that, Man ?
Gull. Why, Sir, it is it is thrashing.
Lor. An Artist, I vow ; canst play on any Musick ?
Gull. Oh, most rogically, Sir, I have a Bagpipe that
Every Breath sets the whole Village a dancing.
Lor. Better still ; and thou canst dance, I'll warrant ?
Gull. Dance, he, he, he, I vow you've light on
My Master-piece, y'fegs.
Lor. And I'll try thee: Boy, go fetch [70 /A* Page.
some of the
Musick hither which I keep in pay. [Ex. Page.
But hark you, Friend, though I love Dancing very
well,
And that may recommend thee in a great degree ;
Yet 'tis wholly necessary that you should be valiant too :
We Great ones ought to be serv'd by Men of Valour,
For we are very liable to be affronted by many here
To our Faces, which we would gladly have beaten behind
Our Backs. But Pox on't, thou hast not the Huff
And Grimace of a Man of Prowess.
Guil. As for fighting, though I do not care for it,
Yet I can do't if any body angers me, or so.
Lor. But I must have you learn to do't when
Any body angers me too.
Guil. Sir, they told me I should have no need on't
Here ; but I shall learn.
Lor. Why, you Fool, that's not a thing to be learn'd,
That's a brave Inclination born with Man,
A brave undaunted something, a thing that,
That comes from, from, I know not what,
For I was born without it.
174 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
Enter Page and Mustek.
Oh, are you come ? let's see, Sirrah, your Activity,
For I must tell you that's another step to Preferment.
[He dances a Jig en Paisant.
'Tis well perform'd ; well, hadst thou but Wit,
Valour, Bone Mine, good Garb, a Peruke,
Conduct and Secrecy in Love-Affairs, and half
A dozen more good Qualities, thou wert
Fit for something ; but I will try thee.
Boy, let him have better Clothes; as for his Documents,
I'll give him those my self.
Gull. Hah, I don't like that word, it sounds terribly.
[Aside. Ex. Page and Guil. with Musick.
Lor. This Fellow may be of use to me ; being
Doubtless very honest, because he is so very simple :
For to say truth, we Men of Parts are sometimes
Over-wise, witness my last night's retreat
From but a supposed Danger, and returning to fall
Into a real one. Well, I'll now to Isabella,
And know her final Resolution ; if Clarina will
Be kind, so; if not, there be those that will.
And though I cannot any Conquest boast
For all the Time and Money I have lost,
At least of Isabel I'll be reveng'd,
And have the flattering Baggage soundly swing'd ;
And rather than she shall escape my Anger,
My self shall be the Hero that shall bang her. [Exit.
ACT IV.
SCENE I. Antonio's House.
Enter Ismena and Isabella.
Isab. Madam, turn your back to that side,
For there Antonio is hid ; he must not see your
Face : now raise your Voice, that he may hear what 'tis
you say.
sc. i] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 175
Ism. I'll warrant you, Isabella :
Was ever wretched Woman's Fate like mine,
Forc'd to obey the rigid Laws of Parents,
And marry with a Man I did not love?
Ant. Oh, there's my cause of Fear. [Ant. peeps.
Ism. Though since I had him, thou know'st I have
endeavour'd
To make his Will my Law,
Till by degrees and Custom, which makes things natural,
I found this Heart, which ne'er had been engag'd
To any other, grow more soft to him ;
And still the more he lov'd, the more I was oblig'd,
And made returns still kinder; till I became
Not only to allow, but to repay his Tenderness.
Isab. She counterfeits rarely. [Aside.
Madam, indeed I have observ'd this truth.
Ism. See who 'tis knocks. [One knocks.
Ant. What will this come to? [Aside.
Isab. Madam, 'tis Alberto.
Enter Alberto. Bows.
Ism. My Lord, you've often told me that you lov'd me,
Which I with Womens usual Pride believ'd ;
And now, encourag'd by my hopeful Promises,
You look for some Returns : Sir, is it so ?
Alb. What means she ?
Pray Heaven I answer right. [Aside.
Madam, if I have err'd in that belief,
To know I do so, is sufficient punishment.
Lovers, Madam, though they have no returns,
Like sinking Men, still catch at all they meet with ;
And whilst they live, though in the midst of Storms,
Because they wish, they also hope for Calms.
Ism. And did you, Sir, consider who I was?
Alb. Yes, Madam, Wife unto my Friend Antonio,
The only Man that has an Interest here :
But, Madam, that must still submit to Love.
176 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
Ism. Canst thou at once be true to him and me ?
Alb. Madam, I know not that ;
But since I must lose one,
My Friendship I can better lay aside.
Ism. Hast thou forgot how dear thou art to him ?
Alb. No, I do believe I am, and that his Life
Were but a worthless trifle, if I needed it.
Yet, Madam, you are dearer to him still
Than his Alberto ; and 'tis so with me :
Him I esteem, but you I do adore ;
And he whose Soul's insensible of Love,
Can never grateful to his Friendship prove.
Ism. By your example, Sir, I'll still retain
My Love for him ; and what I had for you,
Which was but Friendship, I'll abandon too.
Ant. Happy Antonio. [Aside.
Ism. Pray what have you Antonio cannot own ?
Has he not equal Beauty, if not exceeding thine?
Has he not equal Vigour, Wit, and Valour ?
And all that even raises Men to Gods,
Wert not for poor Mortality ?
Vain Man, couldst thou believe
That I would quit my Duty to this Husband,
And sacrifice his Right to thee ?
Couldst thou believe me yesterday ?
When from thy Importunity and Impudence,
To send thee from me,
I promised thee to love thee.
Nay, rather, treacherous Man,
Couldst thou believe I did not hate thee then,
Who basely would betray thy Friend and me ?
Alb. Sure this is earnest. [Aside.
Ant. Oh brave Clarinal \_Aslde.
Ism. Speak, Traitor to my Fame and Honour ;
Was there no Woman, but Antonio's Wife,
With whom thou couldst commit so foul a Crime?
sc. i] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 177
And none but he to bring to publick Shame ?
A Man who trusted thee, and lov'd thee too?
Speak and if yet thou hast a sense of Virtue,
Call to the Saints for pardon, or thou dy'st.
[She draws a Poniard, and runs at him ; he steps back
to avoid it.
Alb. Hold, Clarina! I am amaz'd.
Ism. But stay.
Thou say'st my Beauty forc'd thee to this Wickedness,
And that's the cause you have abus'd Antonio.
Nor is it all the Power I have with him,
Can make him credit what I tell him of thee ;
And should I live, I still must be pursu'd by thee,
And unbeliev'd by him :
Alberto, thou shalt ne'er be guilty more,
Whilst this and this may meet.
[Offering to wound her self, is stayed by Alb. and Isab.
they set Ism. in a Chair ; Alb. kneels weeping.
Alb. Hold, my divine Clarina.
Ant. Shall I discover my self, or steal away? [Aside.
And all asham'd of Life after this Action,
Go where the Sun or Day may never find me ?
Oh ! what Virtue I've abus'd
Curse on my little Faith ;
And all the Curses Madness can invent,
Light on my groundless Jealousy. [Ex. Antonio.
Alb. Clarina, why so cruel to my Heart?
'Tis true, I love you, but with as chaste an Ardour,
As Souls departing pay the Deities,
When with incessant Sighs they haste away,
And leave Humanity behind. Oh ! so did I
Abandon all the lesser Joys of Life,
For that of being permitted but t'adore ye.
Alas, if 'twere displeasing to you,
Why did your self encourage it?
I might have languish'd, as I did before,
IV N
178 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
And hid those Crimes which make you hate me now.
Oh, I am lost? Antonio, thou'st undone me;
\_He rises in Rage.
Hear me, Ungrate ; I swear by all that's good,
I'll wash away my Mischief with thy Blood.
Isab. Antonio hears you not, Sir, for he's departed.
Ism. Is Antonio gone ?
[She looks pertly up, who before lay half dead.
Alb. How's this, has she but feign'd ?
Ism. Know it was but feign'd ; I hope this proof
Of what I've promis'd you, does not displease you.
Alb. Am I thus fortunate, thus strangely happy ?
Ism. Time will confirm it to you go, do not
Now thank me for't, but seek Antonio out;
Perhaps he may have too great a Sense of the
Mischiefs his Jealousies had like to have caus'd :
But conjure him to take no notice of what's past to me ;
This easy slight of mine secures our Fears,
And serves to make Antonio confident,
Who now will unbelieve his Eyes and Ears ;
And since before, when I was innocent,
He could suspect my Love and Duty too,
I'll try what my dissembling it will do.
Go haste.
Alb. Madam, I go, surpriz'd with Love and Wonder.
[Ex. Alb.
Ism. You'll be more surpriz'd, when you know [Aside.
That you are cheated too as well as Antonio. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Street.
Enter Curtius disguised in a black Peruke and Beard, with
Pietro disguised also.
Cur. Well, what hast thou learn'd ?
Piet. News enough, Sir, but none good ;
That the Prince's Wounds are small,
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 179
So that he intends to take the Air this Evening;
That he sollicits Laura hard ;
And, Sir, that you are proclaimed Traitor.
Cur. So, what says the Messenger you sent to Chris ?
Piet. Sir, he brings sad tidings back.
Cur. What tidings? is she dead?
That would revive my Soul,
And fortify my easy Nature with some wicked Notions,
As deep as those this flattering Prince made use of,
When he betray 'd my Sister, pretty Claris :
Come, speak it boldly, for nothing else
Will make me do her Justice.
Piet. No, Sir, she is not dead,
But fled, and none knows whither;
Only Guilliam attends her.
Cur. Worse and worse ; but what of Laura ?
Piet. She, Sir, is kept a Prisoner by her Father,
And speaks with none but those that come from Frederick.
Cur. Laura confin'd too ! 'tis time to hasten then,
With my, till now, almost disarmed Revenge:
Thus I may pass unknown the Streets of Florence,
And find an opportunity to reach this Prince's Heart,
Oh, Vengeance ! luxurious Vengeance !
Thy Pleasures turn a Rival to my Love,
And make the mightier Conquest o'er my Heart.
Claris, I will revenge thy Tears and Sufferings;
And to secure the Doom of him that wrong'd thee,
I'll call on injur'd Laura too.
Here take these Pictures and where thou see'st
[Gives him Boxes.
A knot of Gallants, open one or two, as if by stealth,
To gaze upon the Beauties, and then straight close them
But stay, here comes the only Man
I could have wish'd for ; he'll proclaim my Business
Better than a Picture or a Trumpet. [ They stand by.
[Curtius takes back the Pictures.
180 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
Enter Lorenzo and Guilliam dressed in fineish Clothes, but
the same high-crown d Hat.
Lor. Did, ha, ha, ha, did, ha, ha; did ever any
Mortal Man behold such a Figure as thou art now ?
Well, I see 'tis a damnable thing not to
Be born a Gentleman ; the Devil himself
Can never make thee truly jantee now.
Come, come, come forward ; these Clothes become
Thee, as a Saddle does a Sow ; why com'st thou not ?
Why ha, ha, I hope thou hast not
Hansel'd thy new Breeches,
Thou look'st so filthily on't. \_He advances, looking sourly.
Gull. No, Sir, I hope I have more manners than so ;
But if I should, 'tis not my fault ;
For the necessary Houses are hard
To be met withal here at Court.
Lor. Very well, Sirrah ; you begin already to be
Witty with the Court : but I can tell you, it has as
Many necessary Places in't, as any Court in Christendom
But what a Hat thou hast ?
Guil. Why, Sir, though I say't, this is accounted of
In our Village ; but I had another but now,
Which I blew off in a high Wind ; and I never mist it,
Till I had an occasion to pluck it off to a young
Squire, they call a Lacquey ; and, Fegs,
I had none at all : and because I would not lose
My Leg for want of a Hat, I fetch'd this ;
And I can tell you, Sir, it has a fashionable Brim.
Lor. A Fool's head of your own, has it not ?
The Boys will hoot at us as we pass hah,
Who be these, who be these [ Goes towards Cur. and Piet.
Cur. Here this to Don Alonso this to the
English Count; and this you may shew to the
Young German Prince and this
I will reserve for higher Prices. [Gives Piet. Pictures,
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 181
Piet. Will you shew none to the Courtiers, Sir ?
Cur. Away, you Fool, I deal in no such Trash.
Lor. How, Sir, how was that ? pray how came we to
Gain your dis-favour?
Cur. I cry you mercy, Sir, pray what are you ;
Lor. A Courtier, Sir, I can assure you,
And one of the best Rank too ;
I have the Prince's ear, Sir.
What have you there, hah ? Pictures ? let me see
What, are they to be bought ?
Cur. Sir, they are Copies of most fair Originals,
Not to be bought but hired.
Lor. Say you so, Friend ? the Price, the Price.
Cur. Five thousand Crowns a Month, Sir.
Lor. The Price is somewhat saucy.
Cur. Sir, they be curious Pieces, were never blown
upon,
Have never been in Courts, nor hardly Cities.
Lor. Upon my word, that's considerable ;
Friend, pray where do they live ?
Cur. In the Piazzo, near the Palace.
Lor. Well, put up your Ware, shew not a face of them
Till I return ! for I will bring you
The best Chapman in all Florence,
Except the Duke himself.
Cur. You must be speedy then,
For I to morrow shall be going towards Rome.
Lor. A subtle Rascal this : thou think'st, I warrant,
To make a better Market amongst the Cardinals.
But take my word, ne'er a Cardinal of them all
Comes near this Man, I mean, to bring you in
Matters of Beauty so, this will infallibly make
My Peace again : \_Aside.~\ Look ye, Friend
Be ready, for 'tis the Prince, the noble generous Frederick,
That I design your Merchant. [Goes out.
Cur. Your Servant, Sir, that is Guilliam -,
1 82 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
I cannot be mistaken in him, go call him back.
[Pietro fetches him back, who puts on a surly Face.
Friend, what art thou?
Gull. What am I ? why, what am I ? dost thou not see
What I am ? a Courtier, Friend.
Cur. But what's thy Name ?
Gull. My Name, I have not yet considered.
Cur. What was thy Name ?
Gull. What was my Name?
Cur. Yes, Friend, thou hadst one.
Gui/. Yes, Friend, thou hadst one.
Cur. Dog, do'st eccho me ? do'st thou repeat ?
I say again, what is thy Name ? [Shakes him.
Gui 1. Oh horrible ! why, Sir, it was Gui //i am
When I was a silly Swain.
Cur. Gulliam the same ;
Didst thou not know a Maid whose name was Claris?
Gui/. Yes, there was such a Maid,
But now she's none !
Cur. Was such a Maid, but now she's none !
The Slave upbraids my Griefs. [Aside.
Gui I. Yes, Sir, so I said.
Cur. So you said !
Gui/. Why, yes, Sir, what, do you repeat ?
Cur. What mean you, Sirrah ? have you a mind to
Have your Throat cut ? tell me where she is.
Gui I. I dare as well be hang'd.
Now must I devise a lye, or never look Claris
In the Face more. [Aside.
Cur. Here's Gold for thee ; I will be secret too.
Gui/. Oh, Sir, the poor Maid you speak of is dead.
Cur. Dead ! where dy'd she ? and how ?
Gui/. Now am I put to my wits ; this 'tis to begin
In Sin, as our Curate said : I must go on : [Aside.
Why, Sir, she came into the Wood and hard by a
River-side she sigh'd, and she wept full sore;
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 183
And cry'd two or three times out upon Curtius,
And then [Howls.
Cur. Poor Chris, thy Fate was too severe.
Gull. And then as I was saying, Sir,
She leapt into the River, and swam up the Stream.
[Cur. weeps.
Piet. And why up the Stream, Friend?
Gull. Because she was a Woman and that's all.
[Ex. Guil.
Cur. Farewel, and thank thee.
Poor Claris dead, and banish'd too from Laura!
Was ever wretched Lover's Fate like mine !
And he who injures me, has power to do so ;
But why, where lies this Power about this Man ?
Is it his Charms of Beauty, or of Wit?
Or that great Name he has acquir'd in War?
Is it the Majesty, that holy something,
That guards the Person of this Demi-god?
This awes not me, there must be something more.
For ever, when I call upon my Wrongs,
Something within me pleads so kindly for him,
As would persuade me that he could not err.
Ah, what is this? where lies this Power divine,
That can so easily make a Slave of mine? [Exeunt.
SCENE III. Frederick's Chamber.
Enter Frederick, and Cloris finely dressed.
Fred. 'Tis much methinks, a Boy of so dejected,
Humble Birth, should have so much of Sense
And Soul about him.
Clo. I know not that ; but if I have a thought
Above that humble Birth or Education,
It was inspir'd by Love.
Fred. Still you raise my Wonder greater ;
Thou a Lover ?
184 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
Clo. Yes, my Lord, though I am young,
I've felt the power of Beauty ;
And should you look upon the Object, Sir,
Your Wonders soon would cease ;
Each Look does even animate Insensibles,
And strikes a reverend Awe upon the Soul :
Nothing is found so lovely.
Fred. Thou speak'st prettily, I think Love
Indeed has inspired thee.
Clo. These were the Flatteries, Sir, she us'd to me ;
Of her it was I learn'd to speak, and sigh,
And look, as oft you say, I do on you.
Fred. Why then, it seems she made returns ?
Clo. Ah ! Sir, 'twas I that first was blest,
I first the happy Object was belov'd ;
For, 'twas a Person, Sir, so much above me,
It had been Sin to've rais'd my Eyes to her ;
Or by a glance, or sigh, betray my Pain.
But Oh ! when with a thousand soft Expressions,
She did encourage me to speak of Love !
My God ! how soon extravagant I grew,
And told so oft the story of my Passion,
That she grew weary of the repeated Tale,
And punish'd my presumption with a strange neglect.
[Wttps.
Fred. How, my good Pbilibert?
Clo. Would suffer me to see her Face no more.
Fred. That was pity ; without a Fault ?
Clo. Alas, Sir, I was guilty of no Crime,
But that of having told her how I lov'd her;
For all I had I sacrific'd to her ;
Poor worthless Treasures to any but a Lover ;
And such you know accept the meanest things,
Which Love and a true Devotion do present.
When she was present, I found a thousand ways
To let her know how much I was her Slave ;
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 185
And absent, still invented new ones,
And quite neglected all my little Business ;
Counting the tedious Moments of the Day
By Sighs and Tears ; thought it an Age to night,
Whose Darkness might secure our happy meeting :
But we shall meet no more on these kind Terms. [Sighs.
Fred. Come, do not weep, sweet Youth, thou art too
young,
To have thy blooming Cheeks blasted with sorrow ;
Thou wilt out-grow this childish Inclination,
And shalt see Beauties here, whose every glance
Kindle new Fires, and quite expel the old.
Clo. Oh, never, Sir.
Fred. When I was first in love, I thought so too,
But now with equal ardour
I doat upon each new and beauteous Object.
Clo. And quite forget the old ?
Fred. Not so; but when I see them o'er again,
I find I love them as I did before.
Clo. Oh God forbid, I should be so inconstant !
No, Sir, though she be false, she has my Heart,
And I can die, but not redeem the Victim.
Fred. Away, you little Fool, you make me sad
By this resolve : but I'll instruct you better.
Clo. I would not make you sad for all the World.
Sir, I will sing, or dance, do any thing
That may divert you.
Fred. I thank thee, Philibert, and will accept
Thy Bounty ; perhaps it may allay thy Griefs awhile too.
Clo. I'll call the Musick, Sir. [She goes out.
Fred. This Boy has strange agreements in him.
Enter Cloris with Musick.
She bids them play, and dances a Jig.
This was wondrous kind, my pretty Philibert.
[Exeunt Musick.
1 86 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
Enter Page.
Page. Lorenzo, my Lord, begs admittance.
Fred. He may come in. [Exit Page.
Enter Lorenzo.
Well, Lorenzo, what's the News with thee?
How goes the price of Beauty, hah ?
Lor. My Lord, that question is a propos to
What I have to say ; this Paper will answer your
Question, Sir [Gives him a Paper, -he reads.
Hah, I vow to gad a lovely Youth ; [ Lor. gazes on Phil.
But what makes he here with Frederick ?
This Stripling may chance to mar my market of Women
now
'Tis a fine Lad, how plump and white he is ; [Aside.
Would I could meet him somewhere i'th' dark,
I'd have a fling at him, and try whether I
Were right Florentine.
Fred. Well, Sir, where be these Beauties?
Lor. I'll conduct you to them.
Fred. What's the Fellow that brings them ?
Lor. A Grecian, I think, or something.
Fred. Beauties from Greece, Man !
Lor. Why, let them be from the Devil,
So they be new and fine, what need we care?
But you must go to night.
Fred. I am not in a very good condition
To make Visits of that kind.
Lor. However, see them, and if you like them,
You may oblige the Fellow to a longer stay,
For I know they are handsome.
Fred. That's the only thing thou art judge of;
Well, go you and prepare them ;
And Philibert, thou shalt along with me ;
I'll have thy Judgment too.
Clo. Good Heaven, how false he is ! [Aside.
sc. iv] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 187
Lor. What time will your Highness come ?
Fred. Two Hours hence. \Ex. Fred.
Lor. So then I shall have time to have a bout
With this jilting Huswife Isabella,
For my Fingers itch to be at her. [Aside.
\_Ex. Lorenzo.
Clo. Not know me yet ? cannot this Face inform him ?
My Sighs, nor Eyes, my Accent, nor my Tale?
Had he one thought of me, he must have found me out.
Yes, yes, 'tis certain I am miserable ;
He's going now to see some fresher Beauties,
And I, he says, must be a witness of it ;
This gives me Wounds, painful as those of Love :
Some Women now would find a thousand Plots
From so much Grief as I have, but I'm dull ;
Yet I'll to Laura, and advise with her,
Where I will tell her such a heavy Tale,
As shall oblige her to a kind concern :
This may do ; I'll tell her of this Thought,
This is the first of Art I ever thought on ;
And if this proves a fruitless Remedy,
The next, I need not study, how to die. \_Exeunt.
SCENE IV. A Street.
Enter Lorenzo, meets Guilliam, who passes by him, and
takes no notice of him.
Lor. How now, Manners a few ?
Gui/. I cry you heartily, Sir, I did not see you.
Lor. Well, Sirrah, the News.
Gui/. Sir, the Gentlewoman whom you sent me to says
That she'll meet you here.
Lor. That's well, thou mayst come to be a States-man
In time, thou art a fellow of so quick dispatch :
But hark ye, Sirrah, there are a few Lessons I must learn
you,
1 88 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
Concerning Offices of this nature ;
But another time for that : but [Whispers.
Enter Isabella, and Antonio's Valet.
Isab. Here he is; and prithee, when thou seest him in
My Chamber, go and tell my Lord,
Under pretence of the care you have of the Honour of
his House.
Val. I warrant you, let me alone for a Tale,
And a Lye at the end on't ; which shall not over-much
Incense him, nor yet make him neglect coming. [Ex. Val.
Lor. Oh, are you there, Mistress? what have you now
To say for your last Night's Roguery ?
Are not you a Baggage ? confess.
Isab. You have a mind to lose your opportunity again,
As you did last Night, have ye not ?
Pray God your own Shadow scare you not,
As it did then ; and you will possibly believe
No body meant you harm then, nor now.
Lor. Art thou in earnest ?
Isab. Are you in earnest?
Lor. Yes, that I am, and that Clarina shall find,
If I once come to her.
Isab. Come, leave your frippery Jests, and come in.
Lor. Guilliam, be sure you attend me here,
And whoever you see, say nothing; the best on't is,
Thou art not much known. [Isab. and Lor. go in.
Gull. Well, I see there is nothing but foutering
In this Town ; wou'd our Lucia were here too for me,
For all the Maids I meet with are so giglish
And scornful, that a Man, as I am,
Gets nothing but flouts and flings from them.
Oh, for the little kind Lass that lives
Under the Hill, of whom the Song was made;
Which because I have nothing else to do,
I will sing over now ; hum, hum.
sc. iv] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 189
The Song for Guilliam.
[To some Tune like him.
IN a Cottage by the Mountain
Lives a very pretty Maid,
Who lay deeping by a Fountain,
Underneath a Myrtle shade ;
Her Petticoat of wanton Sarcenet,
The amorous Wind about did move.
And quite unveiTd,
And quite unveil* d the Throne of Love ,
And quite unveil ' d the Throne of Love.
'Tis something cold, I'll go take a Niperkin of Wine,
[Goes out.
Enter Isab. and Lor. above, as frighted into the Balcony.
Lor. This was some trick of thine, I will be hang'd else.
Isab. Oh, I'll be sworn you wrong me;
Alas, I'm undone by't. [Ant. at the Door knocks.
Ant. Open the Door, thou naughty Woman.
Lor. Oh. oh, what shall I do? what shall I do?
Ant. Open the Door, I say.
Lor. Oh, 'tis a damnable leap out at this Balcony.
Isab. And yet you are a dead Man, if you see him.
Ant. Impudence, will you open the Door?
Isab. I will, Sir, immediately.
Lor. Devise some way to let me down,
Or I will throw thee out ; no Ladder of Ropes, no Device ?
If a Man would not forswear Whoring for the future
That is in my condition, I am no true Gentleman.
Ant. Open, or I will break the Door.
Isab. Hold the Door, and swear lustily that you
Are my Husband, and I will in the mean time
Provide for your safety,
Though I can think of none but the Sheets from the Bed.
[He holds the Door.
Lor. Any thing to save my Life ;
190 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT iv
Sir, you may believe me upon my Honour,
I am lawful Husband to Isabella,
And have no designs upon your House or Honour.
[Isab. this while fastens the Sheets, which are to be
supposed from the Bed, to the Balcony.
Ant. Thou art some Villain.
Lor. No, Sir, I am an honest Man, and married lawfully.
Ant. Who art thou ?
Lor. Hast thou done ?
Isab. Yes, but you must venture hard.
Isab. 'Tis Lorenzo, Sir.
Lor. A Pox on her, now am I asham'd to all eternity.
Isab. Sir, let me beg you'l take his Word and Oath
to night,
And to morrow I will satisfy you.
[Lor. gets down by the Sheets.
Ant. Look you make this good,
Or you shall both dearly pay for't.
Lor. I am alive, yes, yes, all's whole and sound,
Which is a mercy, I can tell you ;
This is whoring now : may I turn Franciscan,
If I could not find in my heart to do penance
In Camphire Posset, this Month, for this.
Well, I must to this Merchant of Love,
And I would gladly be there before the Prince :
For since I have mist here,
I shall be amorous enough,
And then I'll provide for Frederick;
For 'tis but just, although he be my Master,
That I in these Ragousts should be his Taster. [Exeunt.
SCENE V. Antonio's House.
Enter Ismena with a Veil.
Ism. Alberto is not come yet, sure he loves me ;
But 'tis not Tears, and Knees, that can confirm me ;
sc. v] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 191
No, I must be convinc'd by better Argument.
Deceit, if ever thou a Guide wert made
To amorous Hearts, assist a Love-sick Maid.
Enter Alberto.
Alb. Your pleasure, Madam ?
Oh that she would be brief,
And send me quickly from her,
For her Eyes will overthrow my purpose. [Aside.
Ism. Alberto^ do you love me ?
Alb. No.
Ism. No ! have you deceived me then ?
Alb. Neither, C/arina; when I told you so,
By Heaven, 'twas perfect Truth.
Ism. And what have I done since should
Merit your Dis-esteem ?
Alb. Nothing but what has rais'd it.
Ism. To raise your Esteem, then it seems, is
To lessen your Love ; or, as most Gallants are,
You're but pleas'd with what you have not;
And love a Mistress with great Passion, till you find
Your self belov'd again, and then you hate her.
Alb. You wrong my Soul extremely,
'Tis not of that ungrateful nature ;
To love me is to me a greater Charm
Than that of Wit or Beauty.
Ism. I'm glad on't, Sir ; then I have pleasant News for
you,
I know a Lady, and a Virgin too,
That loves you with such Passion,
As has oblig'd me to become her Advocate.
Alb. I am very much oblig'd to her,
If there be any such.
Ism. Upon my Life, there is; I am in earnest,
The Lady is my Sister too.
Alb. How, C/arina, this from you ?
192 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACTIV, sc. v
Ism. Nay, I have promis'd her, that you shall love
her too,
Since both her Birth and Beauty merits you.
Alb. Away, false Woman : I love your Sister !
No, I will hate ye both.
Ism. Why so Angry?
Alas, it is against my Will I do it.
Alb. Did you betray my Faith, when 'twas so easy
To give a credit to your tale of Love ?
Oh Woman, faithless Woman !
Ism. Alberto, with a world of shame I own
That I then lov'd you, and must do so still :
But since that Love must be accounted criminal,
And that a world of danger does attend it ;
I am resolv'd, though I can never quit it,
To change it into kind Esteem for you ;
And would ally you, Sir, as near to me,
As our unkind Stars will permit me.
Alb. I thank you, Madam : Oh, what a shame it is,
To be out-done in Virtue, as in Love !
Ism. Another favour I must beg of you,
That you will tell Antonio what is past.
Alb. How mean you, Madam ?
Ism. Why, that I love you, Sir,
And how I have deceived him into confidence.
Alb. This is strange ; you cannot mean it sure.
Ism. When I intend to be extremely good,
I would not have a secret Sin within,
Though old, and yet repented too : no, Sir,
Confession always goes with Penitence.
Alb. Do you repent you that you lov'd me then ?
Ism. Not so ; but that I did abuse Antonio.
Alb. And can you think that this will cure his Jealousy ?
Ism. Doubtless it will, when he knows how needless
'tis;
For when they're most secure, they're most betray'd :
ACTV. sc. i] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 193
Besides, I did but act the part he made ;
And Ills he forces, sure he'll not upbraid.
Go seek out Antonio.
Alb. You have o'ercome me, Madam, every way,
And this your last Command I can obey ;
Your Sister too I'll see, and will esteem,
But you've my Heart, which I can ne'er redeem.
[Exeunt severally.
ACTV.
SCENE I. Laura's Chamber.
Enter Laura and Cloris like a Boy y as before.
Lau. Forward, dear Claris,
do. And, Madam, 'twas upon a Holyday,
It chanc'd Prince Frederick came into our Village,
On some reports were made him of my Beauty,
Attended only by the noble Curtius :
They found me in the Church at my Devotion,
Whom Frederick soon distinguished from the rest ;
He kneel'd down by me, and instead of Prayer,
He fell to praise but 'twas my Beauty only ;
That I could tell you, of my strange surprize !
My Zeal was all disordered, and my Eyes
Fed on the false, not real Sacrifice.
I wanted Art my Sentiments to hide,
Which from my Eyes and Blushes soon he spy'd.
Lau. And did you know him then ?
Clo. Not till he left me :
But, to be short, Madam, we parted there ;
But e'er he went he whisper'd in my ear,
And sigh'd, Ah, Cloris! e'er you do depart,
Tell me, where 'tis you will dispose my Heart ?
Pray give me leave to visit it again,
Your Eyes that gave can only ease my Pain.
I, only blushing, gave him my consent;
IV o
194 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
He paid his Thanks in Sighs, and from me went.
That night, alas, I took but little rest ; \
The new and strange Disorder in my Breast
Can, Madam, only by your self be guest. j
Lau. I'll not deny that I'm a Lover too,
And can imagine what was felt by you.
Clo. No sooner did the welcome Day appear,
But Lucia brought me word the Prince was there ;
His very Name disorder'd me much more,
Than did his Sight or Touch the day before ;
So soon my rising Love grew up to power,
So soon he did become my Conqueror.
How pale and trembling, when he did appear,
I grew, he too had marks of Love and Fear.
But I'll omit the many visits paid,
Th' unvalued Presents, and the Oaths he made,
My kind Disputes on all his Letters writ,
How all my Doubts were answer'd by his Wit ;
How oft he vow'd to marry me, whilst I
Durst not believe the pleasing Perjury :
And only tell you, that one night he came,
Led by designs of an impatient Flame;
When all the House was silently asleep,
Except my self, who Love's sad Watch did keep ;
Arm'd with his Ponyard, and his Breast all bare,
His Face all pale with restless Love and Fear;
So many wild and frantick things he said,
And so much Grief and Passion too betray'd,
So often vow'd he'd finish there his Life,
If I refus'd him to become his Wife ;
That I half-dying, said it should be so ;
Which though I fear'd, Oh, how I wish'd it too !
Both prostrate on the Ground i'th* face of Heaven,
His Vows to me, and mine to him were given :
And then, oh, then, what did I not resign !
With the assurance that the Prince was mine. [Weeps.
sc. i] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 195
Lau. Poor Claris, how I pity thee !
Since Fate has treated me with equal rigor ;
Curtius is banish'd, Frederick still pursues me,
And by a cruel Father I'm confin'd,
And cannot go to serve my self or thee. [One knocks.
Lor. [Without.] Sister Laura, Sister.
Lau. It is my Brother, would he would be kind,
And set us free ; he shall not see thee,
And I'll persuade him.
[As she puts Cloris into her Closet , enter Lorenzo with
a Letter.
Lor. Hah, locking her Closet ! now, were I a right
Italian, should I grow jealous, and enrag'd at
I know not what : hah, Sister !
What are you doing here ?
Open your Cabinet, and let me see't.
Lau. Sir,'tisin disorder,and not worth your seeing now.
Lor. 'Tis so, I care not for that, I'll see't.
Lau. Pray do not, Brother.
Lor. Your denial makes me the more inquisitive.
Lau. 'Tis but my saying, he came from the Prince,
And he dares not take it ill. [Aside.
Here, Sir, [Gives him the Key.
Lor. And here's for you too ; a Letter from Curtius,
And therefore I would not open it : I took it up
At the Post-house. [She reads, and seems pleased.
Now if this should prove some surly Gallant of hers,
And give me a slash o'er the Face for peeping
I were but rightly serv'd ;
And why the Devil should I expect my Sister should
Have more Virtue than my self?
She's the same flesh and blood : or why, because
She's the weaker Vessel,
Should all the unreasonable burden of the Honour
Of our House, as they call it,
Be laid on her Shoulders, whilst we may commit
196 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
A thousand Villanies ? but 'tis so
Here, open the Door ;
I'll put her before me, however.
[She opens the Door, and brings out Cloris.
Lau. Sir, 'tis Philibert from the Prince.
Lor. Why, how now, Youngster, I see you intend
To thrive by your many Trades ;
So soon, so soon, i'faith ? but, Sirrah,
This is my Sister, and your Prince's Mistress ;
Take notice of that.
Clo. I know not what you mean.
Lor. Sir, you cannot deceive me so ;
And you were right serv'd, you would be made fit
For nothing but the great Turk's Seraglio.
Clo. You mistake my business, Sir.
Lor. Your Blushes give you the lye, Sirrah ;
But for the Prince's sake, and another reason I have,
I will pardon you for once.
Lau. He has not done a fault, and needs it not.
Lor. Was he not alone with thee ?
And is not that enough? Well, I see I am no Italian
In Punctillio's of honourable Revenge.
There is but one experiment left to prove my self so ;
And if that fail, I'll e'en renounce my Country.
Boy, harkye, there is a certain kindness
You may do me, and get your pardon for being found here.
Clo. You shall command me any thing.
Lor. Prithee how long hast thou been set up for thy self,
Hah?
Clo. As how, Sir ?
Lor. Poh, thou understand'st me.
Clo. Indeed I do not, Sir ; what is't you mean ?
Lor. A smooth-fac'd Boy, and ask such a Question ?
Fy, fy, this Ignorance was ill counterfeited
To me that understand the World.
Clo. Explain your self, Sir.
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 197
Lor. Lookye, ten or twenty Pistoles will do you
No hurt, will it?
Clo. Not any, Sir.
Lor. Why, so, 'tis well any thing will make thee
Apprehend.
Clo. I shall be glad to serve you, Sir, without that fee.
Lor. That's kindly said
I see a Man must not be too easy of belief : had I been so,
This Boy would have been at, what d'ye mean, Sir ?
And, Lord, I understand you not.
Well, PhiKbert) here's earnest to bind the Bargain ;
I am now in haste ; when I see thee next,
I'll tell thee more. [Lorenzo whispers to Laura.
Clo. This 'tis to be a Favourite now ;
I warrant you I must do him some good office to the Prince,
Which I'll be sure to do.
Lor. Nay, it must be done, for she has us'd me basely;
Oh, 'tis a Baggage.
Lau. Let me alone to revenge you on Isabella,
Get me but from this Imprisonment.
Lor. I will : whilst I hold the old Man in a dispute,
Do you two get away ; but be sure thou pay'st her home.
Lau. I warrant you, Sir, this was happy ;
Now shall I see Curtius.
Lor. Philibert, I advise you to have a care of
Wenching : 'twill spoil a good Face,
And mar your better market of the two. [Ex. Lor.
Lau. Come, let us haste, and by the way, I'll tell thee
Of a means that may make us all happy. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. A Grove.
Enter Alberto melancholy.
Alb. Antonio said he would be here,
I'm impatient till he come
Enter Antonio.
Ant. Alberto, I have such a Project for thee !
198 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
Alb. Hah [Gazes.
Ant. What ails thee, art thou well ?
Alb. No.
Ant. Where art thou sick ?
Alb. At Heart, Antonio, poison'd by thy Jealousy ;
Oh, thou hast ruin'd me, undone my Quiet,
And from a Man of reasonable Virtue,
Hast brought me to a wild distracted Lover.
Ant. Explain your self.
Alb. Thou'st taught me, Friend, to love Clarina -,
Not, as I promised thee, to feign, but so,
That I, unless I do possess that Object,
I think must die ; at best be miserable.
Ant. How, Sir, have I done this ?
Alb. Yes, Antonio, thou hast done this.
Ant. My dear Alberto, said you that you lov'd her ?
Alb. Yes, Antonio, against my will I do ;
As much against my will, as when I told her so ;
Urg'd by thy needless Stratagem.
Ant. Name it no more, it was an idle Fault,
Which I do so repent me,
That if you find I should relapse again,
Kill me, and let me perish with my Weakness :
And were that true you tell me of your Passion,
Sure I should wish to die, to make you happy.
Alb. That's kindly said, and I submit to you,
And am content to be out-done in Amity.
Ant. Yes, I'll resign my Claims, and leave the World;
Alberto, 'tis unkind to think I would be happy
By ways must ruin you :
But sure you tell me this, but only to afflict me.
Alb. 'Tis truth, Antonio, I do love Clarina ;
And, what is yet far worse for thy repose,
Believe my self so bless'd to be belov'd.
Ant. How, to be belov'd by her !
Oh dire effects of Jealousy !
sc. n] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 199
Alb. All that you saw to day was only feign'd,
To let you see, that even your Eyes and Ears
Might be impos'd upon.
Ant. Can it be possible !
Alb. And now she thinks she is enough reveng'd ;
And lets you know, in her feign'd Scorn to me,
That all your Sleights and Cunnings are but vain :
She has deceived them all, and by that Art,
Gives you a Confidence, and me a Heart.
Ant. I must confess, it is but just in her
To punish thus the Errors of my Fear ;
I do forgive her, from my Soul I do.
But, Sir, what satisfaction's this to you ?
Alb. Clarina happy, I'll from Court retire,
And by that Absence quench my Hopeless Fire :
War I will make my Mistress, who may be,
Perhaps, more kind than she has been to me ;
Where though I cannot conquer, 'twill allow
That I may die ; that's more than this will do.
Ant. Why did you, Sir, betray my Weakness to her?
Though 'twas but what I did deserve from you.
Alb. By all that's good, she knew the Plot before,
From Isabella^ who it seems o'erheard us,
When you once press'd me to't :
And had we wanted Virtue, thoud'st been lost.
Ant. I own the Crime ;
And first I beg thy Pardon,
And after that will get it from Clarma;
Which done, I'll wait upon thee to the Camp,
And suffer one year's Penance for this Sin,
Unless I could divert this Resolution,
By a Proposal Clarina bid me make you.
Alb. What was it, Sir?
Ant. I have a Sister, Friend, a handsome Virgin,
Rich, witty, and I think she's virtuous too ;
Return'd last Week from St. Tereiias Monastery.
2OO THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
Alb. Sure any thing that is to thee ally'd,
Must find a more than bare Respect from me ;
But certain 'tis I ne'er shall love again,
And have resolv'd never to marry any,
Where Interest, and not Love, must join our hands.
Ant. You cannot tell what Power there lies in Beauty ;
Come, you shall see her, and if after that,
You find you cannot love her,
We'll both to Candia, where we both will prove
Rivals in Honour, as we're now in Love.
But I'ad forgot to tell thee what I came for ;
I must this Evening beg your Company,
Nay, and perhaps your Sword : come along with me,
And by the way I'll tell you the Adventure. \Exeunt.
SCENE III. The Lodgings 0/^Curtius.
Enter Curtius and Pietro, disguised as before.
Cur. I wonder we hear no news yet of the Prince,
I hope he'll come j Pietro^ be the Bravoes ready,
And the Curtezans?
Piet. My Lord, they'll be here immediately, all well
dress'd too.
Cur. They be those Bravoes that belong to me ?
Piet. Yes, Sir, the same ;
But Antonio is their Patron.
Cur. They be stout and secret ; 'tis well,
Is the Music and all things ready ?
For I'll not be seen till my Part is to be play'd.
What Arms have they ?
Piet. Pistols, Sir, would you have other ?
Cur. No, I have not yet consider'd how to kill him,
Nor scarce resolv'd to do so any way.
What makes this strange Irresolution in me ?
Sure 'tis the force of sacred Amity,
Which but too strictly was observ'd by me.
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 201
My Prince, and Friend, my Wife, and Sister too;
Shall not those last, the powerful first out-do?
My Honour, and my Love, are there ingag'd,
And here, by ties of Duty, I'm oblig'd :
I satisfy but these, if he must bleed ;
But ruin the whole Dukedom in the Deed,
The hopeful Heir of all their noble Spoils,
And Joy and Recompence of all their Toils.
Why, so was Claris, Laura too, to me,
Which both were ravish'd from me, Prince, by thee.
[Knocks within.
Piet. Sir, they be the Bravoes and Curtezans.
[Pietro goes out.
Cur. 'Tis well, I need not talk with them,
They understand their work.
Piet. They do, my Lord, and shall be ready at your stamp ;
They are all Neapolitans, you know, Sir.
Cur. Are they the better for that ?
Piet. Much, Sir, a Venetian will turn to your Enemy,
If he will give him but a Souse more than you have done ;
And your Millanoise are fit for nothing but to
Rob the Post or Carrier ; a Genovese too
Will sooner kill by Usury than Sword or Pistol;
A Roman fit for nothing but a Spy.
Cur. Well, Sir, you are pleasant with my Countrymen.
Piet. I'll be so with my own too, Sir ; and tell you,
That a Maltan, who pretends to so much Honour
And Gravity, are fit only to rob their Neighbours
With pretence of Piety.
And a Cicilian so taken up with Plots,
How to kill his Vice-Roy, that it keeps them
From being Rogues to a less degree.
But I have done, Sir, and beg your pardon.
Cur. Didst leave the Letter, I commanded thee,
For Laura?
Piet. I did, my Lord.
202 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
Enter Lorenzo.
Lor. Well, here's the Prince just coming.
Cor. Pray, Sir, conduct him in,
I'm ready for him. [Ex. Cur. and Piet.
Enter the Prince, conducted by two Women in Masquerade,
with Lights, he endeavouring to take off their Masks.
[Ex. two Women.
[He walks about while this Song is singing.
What is the recompence of War,
But soft and wanton Peace ?
What the best Balsam to our Scars,
But that which Venus gave to Mars,
When he was circled in a kind Embrace ?
Behold a Prince, who never yet
Was vanquished in the Field $
Awhile his Glories must forget,
And lay his Laurels at the feet
Of some fair Female Power, to whom he 1 II yield.
Fred. What's this the Preparation ?
Lor. Yes, so it should seem ; but had you met
With so many defeats as I have done to night,
You would willingly excuse this Ceremony.
Musick for the Dance.
Enter Antonio with Ismena, Alberto with Clarina,
Laura and Cloris with two Men more, and all dressed
in Masquerade, with Vizards ; they dance. The Prince
sets down : the Dance being done, they retire to one side ;
and Alberto comes and presents him Clarina, and bows
and retires ; who puts off her Mask, and puts it on again,
and retires.
Fred. She's wondrous fair ;
Sure in his whole Cabal he cannot show a fairer
sc. HI] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 203
Lor. She resembles Clarina} I wish your Highness
Would see further, and then perhaps this would
Fall to my lot, for I love her for likeness sake.
[Antonio presents Ismena, and retires as the other.
Fred. This I confess out-does the others ;
An Innocency dwells upon her Face,
That's strangely taking, is it not, Lorenzo?
Lor. To say truth, she is very fine indeed.
[They present Laura.
Fred. Hah ! I am amaz'd ; see, Lorenzo,
Dost thou not know that Face ?
Lor. O' my Conscience and Soul, 'tis my own Sister
Laura ;
Why, how now, Mistress,
Do things go thus with you, i'faith ?
[She shakes her Hand^ as not understanding him.
Ant. Sir, she understands you not.
Lor. Is it not Laura then ?
Ant. No, Sir, it is a Stranger.
Fred. Let her be what she will, I'll have her.
[Fred, seems to talk y when she answers in Grimaces.
Lor. There have been Examples in the World
Of the good Offices done by a Brother to a Sister j
But they are very rare here,
And therefore will surely be the more acceptable.
Well, Sir, have you fix'd, that I may chuse ?
Fred. I have, and had he thousands more,
[Lor. goes to Clar.
I would refuse them all for this fair Creature.
Enter Pietro.
Put. Sir, all things are ready as you desire,
But my Master must first speak with you alone,
Fred. About the Price, I'll warrant you ;
Let him come in : [All go out but Fred, to him Cur.
Are you the Master of the Ceremony ?
204 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
Cur. I am.
Fred. Be speedy then, and by my Impatiency
To be with that agreeable Stranger,
Guess at my Approbation of the Ladies, and which I chuse.
Cur. Your mighty Heat, Sir, will be soon allay'd.
Fred. Shall it?
Cur. Yes, Sir, it shall, for you must die.
Fred. Sure thou art mad to tell me so, whoe'er thou
be'st,
Whilst I have this about me. [Draws.
Cur. That, Sir, you draw in vain ; stand off
[Offers a Pistol.
Fred. What new conceited Preparation's this?
Cur. Sir, when you know this Face, it will inform you.
[Pulls off bis false Beard.
Fred. Curtius! I am betray 'd, oh Villain !
[Offers to fight.
Cur. Ho, within there
[He calls, and all the masked Men come out, and offer
their Pistols at Frederick.
Fred. Hold, I am the Prince of Florence.
Cur. These, Sir, are Rogues, and have no sense of ought,
But Mischief in their Souls;
Gold is their Prince and God, go, be gone
[ They withdraw.
See, Sir, I can command them.
Fred. Curtius, why dost thou deal thus treacherously
with me?
Did I not offer thee to fight thee fairly ?
Cur. 'Tis like the Injuries, Sir, that you have done me ;
Pardon me if my Griefs make me too rude,
And in coarse terms lay all your Sins before you.
First, Sir, you have debauch'd my lovely Sister,
The only one I had ;
The Hope and Care of all our noble Family :
Thou, Prince, didst ravish all her Virtue from her,
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 205
And left her nothing but a desperate sense of Shame,
Which only serv'd to do her self that Justice,
Which I had executed, had she not prevented me.
Fred. In this, upon my Soul, you do me wrong.
Cur. Next, (O h, how unlike a brave and generous Man !)
Without a Cause, you cast me from your Bosom ;
Withdrew the Honour of your promised Friendship,
And made me partner in my Sister's Fate ;
Only with this difference, that she
You left to act a Murder on her self;
And mine you would have been so kind to've done
With your own hand, but my respect prevented it.
Next, Sir, you ravish'd Laura from me,
And under a pretence of sacred Friendship,
You prov'd your self the worst of Enemies;
And that's a Crime you dare not say was Ignorance,
As you perhaps will plead your Sin to Claris was.
Fred. Claris^ why, what hast thou to do with Claris?
Cur. She was my Sister, Frederick.
Fred. Thy Sister !
Cur. Yes, think of it well,
A Lady of as pure and noble Blood,
As that of the great Duke thy Father,
Till you, bad Man, infected it.
Say, should I murder you for this base Action,
Would you not call it a true Sacrifice ?
And would not Heaven and Earth forgive it too?
Fred. No, had I known that she had been thy Sister,
I had receiv'd her as a Gift from Heaven ;
And so I would do still.
Cur. She must be sent indeed from Heaven,
If you receive her now.
Fred. Is Claris dead ? Oh, how I was to blame ! \lVeeps.
Here thou mayst finish now the Life thou threaten'st.
Cur. Now, Sir, you know my Justice and my Power ;
Yet since my Prince can shed a Tear for Claris,
206 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
I can forgive him ; here, Sir, send me to Claris,
[Kneels, and offers his Sword.
That Mercy possibly will redeem the rest
Of all the Wrongs you've done me ;
And you shall find nothing but Sorrow here,
And a poor broken Heart that did adore you.
Fred. Rise, Curtius, and divide my Dukedom with me ;
Do any thing that may preserve thy Life,
And gain my Pardon ; alas, thy Honour's safe,
Since yet none knows that Claris was thy Sister,
Or if they do, I must proclaim this truth;
She dy'd thy Prince's Wife.
Cur. These Tidings would be welcome to my Sister,
And I the fitting'st Man to bear that News.
\_0ffers to stab himself; is held by Frederick, Laura,
and Cloris, who come in with Isabella, dressed like
Philibert, and the rest.
Lau. Stay, Curtius, and take me with thee in the way.
Cur. Laura, my dearest Laura ! how came you hither ?
Lau. Commanded by your Letter ; have you forgot it ?
Fred. Curtius, look here, is this not Chris' Face ?
Cur. The same ; Oh my sweet Sister, is it thee ?
[ Curtius goes to embrace her, she goes back.
Fred. Do not be shy, my Soul, it is thy Brother.
Cur. Yes, a Brother who despis'd his Life,
When he believ'd yours lost or sham'd :
But now the Prince will take a care of it.
Clo. May I believe my Soul so truly bless'd ?
Fred. Yes, Cloris, and thus low I beg thy pardon
[Kneels.
For all the Fears that I have made thee suffer.
Enter all the rest, first Antonio and Alberto, without
their Vizors.
Clo. Rise, Sir, it is my Duty and my Glory.
Alb. Sir, we have Pardons too to beg of you.
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 207
Fred. Antonio and Alberto, what, turn'd Bravoes ?
Cur. I am amaz'd.
Ant. You'll cease your Wonder, Sir, when you shall
know,
Those Braves which formerly belong' d to you,
Are now maintained by me ; which Pietro hir'd
For this night's service ; and from them we learnt
What was to be done, (though not on whom)
But that we guess'd, and thought it but our duty
To put this Cheat on Curtius;
Which had we seen had been resolv'd to kill you,
Had been by us prevented :
The Ladies too would needs be Curtezans
To serve your Highness.
Fred. I'm much oblig'd to them, as you.
Claris, a while I'll leave thee with thy Brother,
Till I have reconcil'd thee to my Father :
To marry me, is what he long has wish'd for,
And will, I know, receive this News with Joy.
[Exit Prince.
Lor. Here's fine doings ; what am I like to come to if he
Turn honest now ? This is the worst piece of Inconstancy
He ever was guilty of; to change ones Humour, or so,
Sometimes, is nothing : but to change Nature,
To turn good on a sudden, and never give a Man
Civil warning, is a Defeat not be endur'd ;
I'll see the end on't though. [Goes out.
Alb. Here, Antonio imagine how I love thee,
Who make thee such a Present.
[Gives him Clarina, who is dress* d just as Ismena
was, and Ismena in a Masquing Habit.
Ant. Clarina, can you pardon my Offence,
And bless me with that Love,
You have but justly taken from me ?
Clar. You wrong me, Sir, I ne'er withdrew my Heart,
Though you, but too unkindly, did your Confidence.
ao8 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
Ant. Do not upbraid me ; that I was so to blame,
Is shame enough : pray pardon, and forget it.
Clar. I do.
Ant. Alberto, to shew my Gratitude in what I may,
I bea; you would receive Ismena from me.
Alb. Who's this?
Ant. Ismena, whom I promis'd thee.
Alb. It is Clarina ; do you mock my Pain ?
[Shows Ismena.
Ant. By Heaven, not I ; this is Clarina, Sir.
Alb. That thy Wife Clarina!
A Beauty which till now I never saw.
Ant. Sure thou art mad, didst thou not give her me
but now,
And hast not entertain'd her all this night?
Alb. Her Habit and her Vizard did deceive me ;
I took her for this lady, Oh bless'd Mistake !
Ism. I see you're in the dark, but I'll unfold the Riddle,
Sir, in the Passage from the Monastery,
Attended only by my Confessor,
A Gentleman, a Passenger, in the same Boat,
Address'd himself to me ;
And made a many little Courtships to me :
I being veil'd, he knew not who receiv'd them,
Nor what Confusion they begot in me.
At the first sight, I grew to great esteems of him,
But when I heard him speak
I'm not asham'd to say he was my Conqueror.
Alb. Oh, Madam, was it you ?
Who by your Conversation in that Voyage,
Gave me Disquiets,
Which nothing but your Eyes could reconcile again?
Ism. 'Twas I whom you deceiv'd with some such
Language.
After my coming home I grew more melancholy,
And by my silence did increase my Pain ;
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 209
And soon Clarma found I was a Lover,
Which I confessed at last, and nam'd the Object.
She told me of your Friendship with Antonio,
And gave me hopes that I again should see you :
But Isabella over-heard the Plot,
Which, Sir, Antonio did contrive with you,
To make a feigned Courtship to Clarina,
And told us all the story.
Alb. Oh, how I'm ravish'd with my Happiness !
Ism. Clarma, Sir, at first was much inrag'd,
And vow'd she would revenge her on Antonio;
But I besought her to be pleas'd again,
And said I would contrive a Counter-Plot,
Should satisfy her Honour and Revenge.
Thus, Sir, I got a Garment like to hers ;
And to be courted, though but in jest, by you,
I run all hazards of my Brother's Anger,
And your opinion of my Lightness too.
Clar. 'Twas a Temptation, Sir, I would not venture on,
Lest from the reasons of a just Revenge,
And so much Beauty as Alberto own'd,
My Virtue should not well secure your Interest.
Ant. But why, Ismena, was that killing Plot,
When I was hid behind the Arras? for now I confess all.
Ism. To make Alberto confident of my Love,
And try his Friendship to the utmost point.
Alberto too I found had some reserves,
Which I believ'd his Amity to you.
Alb. Yes, Madam, whilst I took you for his Wife,
I thought it crime enough but to adore you ;
But now I may with honour own my Passion :
I will, Ismena, confidently assure you,
That I will die, unless you pity me.
Ism. She that durst tell you, Sir, how much she lov'd,
When you believ'd it was a Sin to do so,
Will now make good that Promise with Antonio's leave.
IV P
210 THE AMOROUS PRINCE [ACT v
Ant. With perfect Joy, Ismena, I resign thee.
[Ant. gives him Ism.
Alb. By double Ties you now unite our Souls ;
Though I can hardly credit what I see,
The Happiness so newly is arriv'd. [To Ant.
Enter Prince, Lorenzo, and Guilliam, who comes up
scraping to Cloris.
Fred. My Father is the kindest Man on Earth,
And Cloris shall be welcome to his Bosom ;
Who'll make him happy in my Reformation.
Here, Curtius, take Laura, who, I find,
Had rather be my Sister than my Mistress :
The Duke commands it so.
Cur. Till you have pardon'd me my late Offences,
I must deny myself so great a Happiness. [Cur. kneels.
Fred. Rise, you have it.
Enter Salvator.
Sal. Is here not a Runegado belongs to me ?
Lau. No, Sir, my Faith's entire,
And Curtius has the keeping of it.
Sal. Who made him Master of it, hau ?
Lau. Heaven, my Inclinations and the Prince.
Sal. Three powerful Opposers;
Take her, since it must be so,
And mayst thou be happy with her.
Fred. Alberto, would this Court afforded
A Lady worthy thee.
Alb. Sir, I'm already sped, I humbly thank you.
Lor. Sped, quoth ye? Heaven defend
Me from such Fortune.
Fred. Lorenzo, I had forgot thee ; thou shalt e'en marry
too.
Lor. You may command me any thing but marrying.
Isab. What think you then of a smooth-fac'd Boy ?
Lor. A Pox on him, sure he will not tell now, will he ?
sc. in] THE AMOROUS PRINCE 211
Isab. My Lord, I beg your leave to challenge Lortnzo,
Fred. What, to a Duel, Philibert ?
Lor. Phil. Phil, hold, do not ruin the Reputation
Of a Man that has acquired Fame amongst the female Sex;
I protest I did but jest.
Isab. But, Sir, I'm in earnest with you.
Fred. This is not Philibert.
Isab. No, Sir, but Isabella that was Philibert.
[Pointing to Cloris.
Clo. Yes, Sir, I was the happy Boy to be belov'd,
When Cloris was forgotten.
Fred. Oh, how you raise my Love and Shame !
But why did Isabella change her Habit?
Clo. Only to take my place, lest you should miss me,
Who being with Laura, at the Lodgings of Clarina,
And comparing the Words of her Letter
With what the Bravoes had confessed to Antonio,
We found the Plot which was laid for you,
And join'd all to prevent it.
Fred. 'Twas sure the work of Heaven.
Isab. And now, Sir, I come to claim a Husband here.
Fred. Name him, and take him.
Isab. Lorenzo, Sir.
Lor. Of all Cheats, commend me to a Waiting-
Gentlewoman ;
I her Husband ?
Ant. I am a Witness to that Truth.
Fred. 'Tis plain against you; come, you must be
honest.
Lor. Will you compel me to't against my will ?
Oh Tyranny, consider, I am a Man of Quality and
Fortune.
Isab. As for my Qualities, you know I have sufficient,
And Fortune, thanks to your Bounty, considerable too.
Fred. No matter, he has enough for both.
Lor. Nay, Sir, an you be against me,
212 EPILOGUE
'Tis time to reform in my own defence ;
But 'tis a thing I never consider'd, or thought on.
Fred. Marry first, and consider afterwards.
Lor. That's the usual way, I confess ;
Come, Isabella, since the Prince commands it,
I do not love thee, but yet I'll not forswear it ;
Since a greater Miracle than that is wrought,
And that's my marrying thee ;
Well, 'tis well thou art none of the most beautiful,
I should swear the Prince had some designs on thee else.
Clo. Yes, Guilliam, since thou hast been so faithful,
I dare assure thee Lucia shall be thine.
[Clo. speaks aside to Guil. Guil. bows.
Fred. Come, my fair Cloris, and invest thy self
In all the Glories which I lately promis'd :
And, Ladies, you'll attend her to the Court,
And share the Welcomes which the Duke provides her;
Where all the Sallies of my flattering Youth
Shall be no more remember'd, but as past.
Since 'tis a Race that must by Man be run,
I'm happy in my Youth it was begun ;
It serves my future Manhood to improve,
Which shall be sacrific'd to War and Love.
Curtain Falls.
EPILOGUE,
Spoken by Cloris.
LADIES, the Prince was kind at last,
But all the Danger is not past ;
I cannot happy be till you approve
My hasty condescension to his Love.
'Twas want of Art, not Virtue, was my Crime ;
And thafs, 1 vow, the Author's Fault, not mine.
She might have made the Women pitiless,
But that had harder been to me than this :
EPILOGUE 2 1 3
She might have made our Lovers constant too,
A Work which Heaven it self can scarcely do ;
But simple Nature never taught the way
To hide those Passions which she must obey.
E'en humble Cottages and Cells,
Where Innocence and Virtue dwells,
Than Courts no more secure can be
From Love and dangerous Flattery.
Love in rural Triumph reigns ,
As much a God amongst the Swains,
As if the Sacrifices paid
Were wounded Hearts by Monarchs made :
And this might well excuse th 1 Offence,
If it be so to love a Prince.
But, Ladies, 'tis your Hands alone,
And not his Power, can raise me to a Throne ,
Without that Aid I cannot reign,
But will return back to my Flocks again.
Guilliam advances.
Guil. How, go from Court! nay, zay not zo.
Hear me but speak before you go :
Whoy zay the Leadies should refuse ye,
The B leads Vm sure would better use ye
So long as ye are kind and young,
I know they'll clap ye right or wrong.
THE WIDOW RANTER.
(21?)
ARGUMENT.
BACON, General of the English in Virginia, has fought with great success against
the Indians and repeatedly beaten back their tribes, although the Supreme
Council, by whom the Colony is governed, have refused him a commission,
and, in spite of his victories, persist in treating him as a rebel and a traitor.
This Council indeed is composed of a number of cowards and rogues, who
through sheer malice and carping jealousy attribute Bacon's prowess to
his known passion for Semernia, the Indian Queen, and who feign to think
that he fights merely with the hope of slaying her husband, the King
Cavernio. These rascals are none the less mightily afraid of the general's
valour and spirit, so they determine to entice him from his camp under-
various specious pretexts, and then, once he is completely in their power,
to have him executed or assassinated. With this object in view they send
a friendly letter asking him to attend the Council, to accept a regular com
mission, and to raise new forces. On his way to the town Bacon is attacked
by an ambush of soldiers, whom he beats off with the help of one of his
lieutenants, Fearless, backed by Lieutenant Daring and a troop of his own
men, who capture Whimsey and Whiff, two very prominent justices,
instigators of the plot. He accordingly appears before the Council with a
couple of prisoners. The populace, who are all for their hero, realizing the
treachery, raise a riot, and throw the Councillors into a state of the utmost
confusion and alarm. They spur themselves to action, however, and
under the leadership of Colonel Wellman, Deputy Governor, proceed to
take the field against Bacon, who is declared an open and lawless rebel.
When he appears the soldiers, none the less, join themselves to their
hero, and as at the same moment news is brought that the Indians have risen
and are attacking the town, Bacon is induced to lead the troops against the
foe; and in a pitched battle Cavernio is slain. That night whilst his army
is revelling after their victory the Council and their party with infamous
treachery suddenly attack the camp. There are further skirmishes with a
remnant of the Indian fugitives, and in one of these frays Bacon accidentally
wounds Semernia, who is flying disguised in man's attire. He recognizes
her voice, and she sinks into his aim to die. As he is weeping over her
body Fearless rushes in with drawn sword shouting that the day is all but
lost. Bacon, his mistress dead, deeming that his men are overcome by the
attack from the town and that he will himself be captured, takes poison
which he carries concealed in the pommel of his sword, whilst Daring and
his soldiers are heard shouting * Victory ! Victory !' The hero, however,
expires at the moment his men have conquered, but the Council speedily
come to terms, naming with a commission Daring as General, whilst
Colonel Wellman announces his intention of weeding this body of rogues
and cowards against the arrival of the new Governor who is expected from
England.
2 i 8 SOURCE
Daring, upon his commission, is wedded to the Widow Ranter, first
mistress and then wife of old Colonel Ranter, recently deceased, a wealthy,
buxom virago who has followed her soldier during the fighting in man's
attire and even allowed herself to be taken prisoner by a young gallant,
Hazard, just landed from England, and who has occupied his time in an
amour with a certain Mrs. Surelove. Hazard, upon his arrival, meets an
old acquaintance, Friendly, who loves and is eventually united to Crisante,
daughter to Colonel Downright; whilst Parson Dunce, the Governor's
chaplain, is made to marry Mrs. Flirt, the keeper of a hostelry, a good
dame with whom he has been a little too familiar on a promise of matri
mony.
SOURCE.
THE admirable comic scenes and characters of The Wido'w Ranter are
original invention, but Mrs. Behn has founded the serious and historical
portion of her play upon a contemporary pamphlet, Strange News from
Virginia being a full and true account of the Life and Death of Nathaniel
Bacon esq. London: printed for JVm. Harris^ 1677. With regard to the
catastrophe and Bacon's love for the Indian Queen, Mrs. Behn has quite
legitimately departed from the narrative, but otherwise she keeps fairly
closely to her sources. There is also a History of Bacon and Ingram' s
Rebellion in Virginia in 1675-76, written at the time but first published
in 1867.
The Dictionary of National Biography gives a very ample yet concise
account of Bacon, with valuable references to original documents. He was
the son of Sir Thomas Bacon of Friston Hall, Suffolk. Born in 1642,
about 1673 he married Elizabeth, daughter of Sir Edward Duke, Bart., and
shortly afterwards in a spirit of roving adventure emigrated to Virginia.
Here he was elected a member of the Council, and his estates being especi
ally exposed to Indian raids the volunteer colonists chose him General.
The Governor, however, delayed to send the necessary commission, and
Bacon having in this interval attacked a band of Indian marauders was
promptly declared a rebel. The Governor was thereupon forced to yield by
a general revolt, and in a second expedition Bacon defeated the Indians
with terrific slaughter. A little later when reinforcements had arrived the
Governor again declared him an outlaw, but after a brief struggle was
himself obliged to take refuge at sea, whilst Jamestown fell into the hands
of the victorious General, who not being able to garrison the houses, burned
it to the ground. In the midst of his success, whilst he was busied with new
plans for the welfare and protection of the colonists, Bacon died suddenly,
1676. He left one daughter, Mary, who married Hugh Chamberlain, M.D.,
physician to Queen Anne. Mrs. Behn has drawn his character with
remarkable accuracy. Even his enemies were obliged to allow he possessed
extraordinary ability, and he won all by the grace and charm of his manner.
Oldys, in a MS. note on Langbaine (Mrs. Behn), attributes to the colonist
A Historical Discourse of the Government of England (1647), but the date of
publication sufficiently shows that the antiquary is palpably in error.
Langbaine in his note on The Widotu Ranter abruptly and sweepingly
remarks 'Plot from the known story of Cassius,' which the Biograpbia
THEATRICAL HISTORY 219
Dramatica yet more erroneously expands as follows : *Thc tragedy part of
it, particularly the catastrophe of Bacon, is borrowed from the well-known
story of Cassius, who, on the supposition of his friend Brutus being
defeated, caused himself to be put to death by the hand of his freedman
Dandarus.' C. Cassius Longinus was defeated at Philippi (B.C. 42), by
Antony, and ignorant that the left wing commanded by Brutus had con
quered Octavius, he straightway commanded his freedman Pindarus to put
an end to his life. It is strange that both authorities should have made this
mistake, the more so as Bacon expressly alludes to the fate of Hannibal,
from whose history, and not that of Cassius, Mrs Behn doubtless borrowed
the idea of her hero's suicide. Cassius is indeed alluded to but casually, and
not by Bacon's self. Hannibal had fled to the court of Prusias, King of
Bithynia, who, unable to resist the demands of the Romans, eventually
sent troops to arrest his guest. The great Carthaginian, however, having
provided himself with poison in case of such an event, swallowed the
venomed drug to prevent himself falling into the hands of his enemies.
Dullman, Timorous Cornet, Whimsey, Whiff, and the other Justices of the
Peace who appear in this play are aptly described in Oroonoko t where
Mrs. Behn speaks of the Governor's Council 'who (not to disgrace them,
or burlesque the Government there) consisted of such notorious villains as
Newgate ever transported; and, possibly, originally were such who under
stood neither the laws of God or man, and had no sort of principles to
make them worthy of the name of men ; but at the very council-table
would contradict and fight with one another, and swear so bloodily, that it
was terrible to hear and see them. (Some of them were afterwards hanged,
when the Dutch took possession of the place, others sent off in chains.)'
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
WHEN The Widow Ranter; or, The History of Bacon in Virginia was produced
at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, in 1690 the year after Mrs. Behn's
death owing to the slipshod and slovenly way in which it was put on, or
rather, 'murdered', to use the phrase of the dedication, it did not meet
with the success so capital a piece fully deserved. Such ample and needless
omissions were made that the intrigue soon became hopelessly fogged,
many incidents seeming absolutely disjointed and superfluous. For not
only were heavier scenes, including the apparition of Cavernio, cut, but
the essential comic relief was woefully maltreated. The Court House
opening of Act iii was expunged in its entirety, whilst other episodes were
so mangled and the speeches so pruned that they proved practically unin
telligible. Again, the play was badly cast. Indifferent performers such as
Barnes, Baker, Cudworth, were entrusted with roles they were incapable
of acting, whilst Daring, the dashing, gallant, and handsome young officer,
who is loved by the Widow, was alloted to Sanford, of all men most
supremely unfitted for the part. Indeed, it would seem that the casting was
done on purpose perversely and malignly to damn the play. Samuel Sanford,
who had joined Davenant's company within a year of their opening, had
been forced by nature, being low of stature and crooked of person, rather
than by choice, into a line denoted by such characters as lago, Creon in
22O THEATRICAL HISTORY
Dryden and Lee's Oedipus, Malignii, Osmund the wizard in King Arthur.
'An excellent actor in disagreeable characters' Gibber terms him, and old
Aston sums him up thus: *Mr. Sanford, although not usually deem'd an
Actor of the first Rank, yet the Characters allotted him were such, that
none besides, then, or since, ever topp'd ; for his Figure, which was
diminutive and mean, (being Round-shoulder'd, Meagre-fac'd, Spindle-
shank'd, Splay-footed, with a sour Countenance and long lean Arms)
render'd him a proper Person to discharge Jago, Foresight and Ma'lignij, in
the Villain. This Person acted strongly with his Face, and (as King
Charles said) was the best Villain in the World.' The performance of an
actor with such a marked personality and unpleasantly peculiar talents as
are thus enumerated, in the role of Daring must been grotesque and dis
tasteful to a degree. In such an accumulation of unfortunate circumstances
there could have been no other event than the failure of the play, which
was so complete as effectually to bar any chance of subsequent revival.
Indeed, there seems to have been only one feature of any merit : Betty
Currer, the original Aquilina in Venice Preserved, acted the name part with
the greatest spirit and abandon.
(221)
To the much Honoured
MADAM WELLDON.
Madam
Knowing Mrs. Bebn in her Life-time design'd to Dedicate some of her
Works to you, you have a Naturall Title, and claim to this and I could not
without being unjust to her Memory, but fix your Name to it, who have
not only a Wit above that of most of your Sex ; but a goodness and Affa
bility Extreamly Charming, and Engaging beyond Measure, and perhaps
there are few to be found like you, that are so Eminent for Hospitallity,
and a Ready and Generous Assistance to the distress'd and Indigent, which
are Quallities that carry much more of Divinity with them, than a Puri-
tannicall outward Zeal for Virtue and Religion.
Our Author, Madam, who was so true a Judge of Wit, was (no doubt of
it) satisfyed in the Patroness she had pitcht upon : If ever she had occasion
for a Wit and Sense like yours 'tis now, to Defend this (one of the last of
her Works) from the Malice of her Enemies, and the ill Nature of the
Critticks, who have had Ingratitude enough not to Consider the Obliga
tions they had to her when Living ; but to do those Gentlemen Justice, 'tis
not (altogether) to be Imputed to their Critticism, that the Play had not
that Success which it deserv'd, and was expected by her Friends ; The
main fault ought to lye on those who had the management of it. Had our
Authour been alive she would have Committed it to the Flames rather than
have suffer' d it to have been Acted with such Omissions as was made, and
on which the Foundation of the Play Depended : For Example, they
thought fit to leave out a Whole Scene of the Virginian Court of Judicature,
which was a lively resemblance of that Country-Justice j and on which
depended a great part of the Plot, and wherein were many unusuall and
very Naturall Jests which would at least have made some sort of People
laugh : In another Part of the Play is Omitted the appearance of the
Ghost of the Indian King, kill'd by Bacon, and tho' the like may have been
Represented in other Plays, yet I never heard or found but that the sight
was very agreeable to an Audience, and very Awfull : besides the Apparition
of the Ghost was necessary, for it w.-.sthat which struck a Terror in the
Queen, and frighten'd her from heark'ning to the Love of Bacon, believing
it a horrid thing to receive the Caresses and Embraces of her Husbands
Murderer : And Lastly, many of the I'arts being false Cast, and given to
222 DEDICATORY EPISTLE
those whose Tallants and Genius's suited not our Author's Intention :
These, Madam, are some of the Reasons that this Play was unsuccessful!,
and the best Play that ever was writ must prove so : if it have the Fate to
be Murder'd like this.
However, Madam, I can't but believe you will find an hours diversion in
the reading, and will meet with not only Wit, but true Comedy, (tho* low)
by reason many of the Characters are such only as our Newgate afforded,
being Criminals Transported.
This play, Madam, being left in my hands by the Author to Introduce
to the Publick, I thought my self oblig'd to say thus much in its defence,
and that it was also a Duty upon me to choose a Patroness proper for it,
and the Author having pitcht upon your Name to do Honour to some of
her Works, I thought your Protection, could be so usefull to none, as to
this, whose owning it may Silence the Malice of its Enemies ; Your Wit
and Judgment being to be Submitted to in all Cases j Besides your Natural
Tenderness and Compassion for the Unfortunate, gives you in a manner
another Title to it: The Preference which is due to you upon so many
Accounts is therefore the Reason of this present Address, for at the Worst,
if this Play should be so Unfortunate as not to bethought worthy of your
Acceptance ; Yet it is certain, that its worth any Man's while to have the
Honour of subscribing himself,
Madam,
Your Most Obedient Humble,
Servant,
G.J.
(22 3 )
THE WIDOW RANTER:
Or, the History of Bacon in Virginia.
PROLOGUE,
By Mr. Dryden.
HEAFEN save ye. Gallants ; and this hopeful Age,
Y' are welcome to the downfal of the Stage :
The Fools have laboured long in their location ;
And Vice (the Manufacture of the Nation)
O'er-stocks the Town so much, and thrives so well,
That Fops and Knaves grow Drugs, and will not sell.
In vain our Wares on Theaters are shown,
When each has a Plantation of his own.
His Cruse ne'er fails ; for whatsoe'er he spends,
There's still God's plenty for himself and Friends.
Should Men be rated by Poetick Rules,
Lord, what a Poll would there be raised from Fools!
Mean time poor Wit prohibited must lie,
As if 'twere made some French Commodity.
Fools you will have, and rats' d at vast expence ;
And yet as soon as seen, they give offence.
Time was, when none would cry that Oaf was me,
But now you strive about your Pedigree :
Bauble and Cap no sooner are thrown down,
But there's a Muss of more than half the Town.
Each one will challenge a Child's part at least,
A sign the Family is well increas'd.
Of Foreign Cattle there's no longer need,
When we're supply' d so fast with English Breed,
(22 4 )
Well! Flourish, Countrymen ; drink, swear and roar,
Let every free-born Subject keep his Whore ;
And wandring in the Wilderness about,
At end of Forty Tears not wear her out.
But when you see these Pictures, let none dare
To own beyond a Limb or single share :
For where the Punk is common, he's a Sot,
Who needs will father what the Parish got.
(22 5 )
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
Indian King called Cavernio, Mr. Bowman.
Bacon, General of the English, Mr. Williams.
Colonel Wellman, Deputy Governor, Mr. Freeman.
Col. Downright, a loyal honest Colonel, Mr. Harris.
Hazard, \ Two Friends known to one another J Mr. Alexander,
Friendly, j many Years in England, \ Mr. Powell.
D " rin & \ Lieutenant Generals to Bacon, j T ' &HM.
Fearless, ) ( Mr. Cuawortn.
Dullman, a Captain, Mr. Bright.
Timorous Cornet,\ /Mr. Underbill,
Wbimsey, I Justices of the Peace, and very I Mr. Trefuse,
Whiff, [ great Cowards, j Mr. Bowen,
Booker, ) \Mr. Barm.
Brag, a Captain.
_ , , ( One complain'd of by Capt. Whiff, for
Grubb > j calling his Wife Whore.
A Petitioner against Brag, Mr. Blunt.
Parson Dunce, formerly a Farrier, fled from ) -. ,
England, and Chaplain to the Governour, )
Jejjery, Coachman to ffidow Ranter.
Cavaro, an Indian, Confidant to the Indian King.
Jack, a Sea-Boy.
Clerk ; Boy 5 An Officer; Messenger; Seaman; 2nd Seaman;
A Highlander.
WOMEN.
Indian Queen, call'd Semernia, belov'd by Bacon, Mrs. Braccgirdle.
Madam Surelove, belov'd by Hazard, Mrs. Knight.
Mrs. Cbrisante, Daughter to Colonel Downright, Mrs. Jordan.
fFidow Ranter, in love with Daring, Mrs. Currer.
Mrs. Flirt, a Tapstress, Mrs. Cory.
Mrs. Wbimsey.
Mrs. Whiff.
Jenny, Maid to Widow Ranter.
Nell, Maid at the Inn.
Anaria, Confidante to the Indian Queen.
Maid to Madam Surelove.
Priests, Indians, Bailiffs, Soldiers, Rabble, Negroes, with
other Attendants.
SCENE, Virginia: in Bacon's Camp, James-Town
and the surrounding Country.
IV
226 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
ACT I.
SCENE I. A Room with several Tables.
Enter Hazard in a travelling Habit , and Jack, a Sea-Boy ,
carrying his Portmantle.
Haz. What Town's this, Boy ?
Boy. James-Town, Master.
Haz. Take care my Trunk be brought ashore to night,
and there's for your Pains.
Boy. God bless you, Master.
Haz. What do you call this House ?
Boy. Mrs. Flirt's, Master, the best House for Com
mendation in all Virginia.
Haz. That's well, has she any handsome Ladies, Sirrah ?
Boy. Oh ! she's woundy handsome her self, Master,
and the kindest Gentlewoman look, here she comes,
Master.
Enter Flirt and Nell.
God bless you, Mistress, I have brought you a young
Gentleman here.
Flirt. That's well, honest Jack. Sir, you are most
heartily welcome.
Haz. Madam, your Servant. [Salutes her.
Flirt. Please you walk into a Chamber, Sir ?
Haz. By and by, Madam ; but I'll repose here awhile
for the coolness of the Air.
Flirt. This is a Publick Room, Sir, but 'tis at your
service.
Haz. Madam, you oblige me.
Flirt. A fine spoken Person, A Gentleman, I'll warrant
him : come, Jack, I'll give thee a Cogue of Brandy for
old acquaintance. [Exeunt Landlady and Boy.
[Hazard pulls out Pen, Ink and Paper, and goes to write.
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER \ 229
Enter Friendly. S , -i
Friend. Here, Nell, a Tankard of cool O
M//. You shall have it, Sir.
Friend. Hah ! who's that Stranger ? he si
Gentleman.
Haz. If I should give credit to mine Eyes, that should
be Friendly.
Friend. Sir, you seem a Stranger ; may I take the liberty
to present my Service to you? [Exit Nell.
Haz. If I am not mistaken, Sir, you are the only Man
in the World whom I would soonest pledge ; you'll credit
me, if three Year'sabsence has not made you forget Hazard.
Friend. Hazard, my Friend ! come to my Arms and
Heart.
Haz. This unexpected Happiness o'erjoys me. Who
could have imagin'd to have found thee in Virginia?
I thought thou hadst been in Spain with thy Brother.
Friend. I was so till ten Months since, when my Uncle
Colonel Friendly dying here, left me a considerable Planta
tion ; and, faith, I find Diversions not altogether to be
despis'd ; the God of Love reigns here with as much power
as in Courts or popular Cities. But prithee what Chance
(fortunate to me) drove thee to this part of the new World.
Haz. Why, faith, ill Company, and that common Vice
of the Town, Gaming, soon run out my younger Brother's
Fortune: for imagining, like some of the luckier Gamesters,
to improve my Stock at the Groom Porter's, I ventur'd
on, and lost all. My elder Brother, an errant Jew, had
neither Friendship nor Honour enough to support me;
but at last being mollified by Persuasions, and the hopes
of being for ever rid of me, sent me hither with a small
Cargo to seek my Fortune
Friend. And begin the World withal.
Haz. I thought this a better Venture than to turn sharp
ing Bully, Cully in Prentices and Country Squires, with
my Pocket full of false Dice, your high and low Flats and
THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
JSars ; or turn Broker to young Heirs ; take up Goods to
pay tenfold at the Death of their Fathers, and take Fees
on both sides ; or set up all night at the Groom-Porter's,
begging his Honour to go a Guinea the better of the lay.
No, Friendly, I had rather starve abroad, than live pity'd
and despis'd at home.
Friend. Thou art in the right, and art come just in
the nick of time to make thy Fortune. Wilt thou follow
my Advice?
Haz. Thou art too honest to command any thing that
I shall refuse.
Friend. You must know then, there is about a Mile
from James-Town a young Gentlewoman no matter for
her Birth, her Breeding's the best this World affords, she
is married to one of the richest Merchants here ; he is old
and sick, and now gone into England for the recovery of
his Health, where he'll e'en give up the Ghost : he has
writ her word he finds no Amendment, and resolves to
stay another Year. The letter I accidentally took up, and
have about me ; 'tis easily counterfeited, and will be of
great use to us.
Haz. Now do I fancy I conceive thee.
Friend. Well, hear me first, you shall get another
Letter writ like this Character, which shall say, you are
his Kinsman, that is come to traffick in this Country, and
'tis his will you should be received into his House as such.
Haz. Well, and what will come of this?
Friend. Why, thou art young and handsome, she young
and desiring; 'twere easy to make her love thee; and if
the old Gentleman chance to die, you guess the rest, you
are no Fool.
Haz. Ay, but if he shou'd return
Friend. If Why, if she love you, that other will be
but a slender Bar to thy Happiness ; for if thou canst not
marry her, thou mayst lie with her : and, Gad, a younger
Brother may pick out a pretty Livelihood here that way,
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 229
as well as in England. Or if this fail, thou wilt find a
perpetual Visiter, the Widow Ranter, a Woman bought
from the ship by old Colonel Ranter ; she served him half
a Year, and then he marry'd her, and dying in a Year
more, left her worth fifty thousand Pounds Sterling, besides J
Plate and Jewels : She's a great Gallant, but assuming
the humour of the Country Gentry, her Extravagancy is
very pleasant, she retains something of her primitive
Quality still, but is good-natur'd and generous.
Haz. I like all this well.
Friend. But I have a further End in this matter ; you
must know there is in the same House a young Heiress,
one Colonel Downright's Daughter, whom I love, I think
not in vain : her Father indeed has an implacable Hatred
to me, for which reason I can but seldom visit her, and
in this Affair I have need of a Friend in that House.
Haz. Me you're sure of.
Friend. And thus you'll have an opportunity to manage
both our Amours : Here you will find occasion to shew
your Courage, as well as express your Love ; for at this
time the Indians, by our ill Management of Trade, whom
we have armed against our selves, very frequently make
War upon us with our own Weapons ; though often
coming by the worst, they are forced to make Peace with
us again, but so, as upon every turn they fall to massacring
us wherever we lie exposed to them.
Haz. I heard the News of this in England, which I
hastens the new Governour's arrival here, who brings I
you fresh Supplies.
Friend. Would he were landed, we hear he is a noble /
Gentleman.
Haz. He has all the Qualities of a Gallant Man :
besides, he is nobly born.
Friend. This Country wants nothing but to be peopled
with a well-born Race, to make it one of the best Colonies
in the World ; but for want of a Governour we are ruled
230 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
by a Council, some of whom have been perhaps trans
ported Criminals, who having acquired great Estates, are
now become your Honour and Right Worshipful, and
possess all Places of Authority ; there are amongst them
some honest Gentlemen, who now begin to take upon
'em, and manage Affairs as they ought to be.
Haz. Bacon I think was one of the Council.
Friend. Now you have named a Man indeed above the
common Rank, by Nature generous, brave, resolv'd and
daring ; who studying the Lives of the Romans and great
Men, that have raised themselves to the most elevated
Fortunes, fancies it easy for ambitious Men to aim at any
pitch of Glory. I've heard him often say, Why cannot I
conquer the Universe as well as Alexander? or like another
Romulus, form a new Rome, and make my self ador'd ?
Haz. Why might he not? Great Souls are born in
common Men sometimes, as well as Princes.
Friend. This Thirst of Glory cherish'd by sullen Melan
choly, I believe, was the first motive that made him in
love with the young Indian Queen, fancying no Hero
ought to be without his Princess. And this was the reason
why he so earnestly press'd for a Commission, to be made
General against the Indians, which long was promis'd him;
but they fearing his Ambition, still put him off, till the
Grievances grew so high, that the whole Country flock'd
to him, and beg'd he would redress them. He took the
opportunity, and led them forth to fight, and vanquishing
brought the Enemy to fair Terms ; but now instead of
receiving him as a Conqueror, we treat him as a Traitor.
Haz. Then it seems all the Crime this brave Fellow
has committed, is serving his Country without Authority.
Friend. 'Tis so, and however I admire the Man, I am
resolv'd to be of the contrary Party, that I may make an
Interest in our new Governor. Thus stand Affairs, so that
after you have seen Madam Surelove, I'll present you to
the Council for a Commission.
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER \ 9
Haz. But my Kinsman's Character \ ^o
Friend. He was a Leicestershire younger Eft
over with a small Fortune, which his Industry!
to a thousand Pounds a year ; and he is now 6
Surelove, and one of the Council.
//fl%. Enough.
Friend. About it then, Madam Flirt to direct you.
Haz. You are full of your Madams here.
Friend. Oh ! 'tis the greatest Affront imaginable to call
a Woman Mistress, though but a retail Brandy-monger.
Adieu. One thing more, to morrow is our Country-
Court, pray do not fail to be there, for the rarity of the
Entertainment : but I shall see you anon at Surelove^s^
where I'll salute thee as my first meeting, and as an old
Acquaintance in England here's Company, farewel.
[Exit Friend.
Enter Dullman, Timorous and Boozer.
Hazard sits at a Table and writes.
Dull. Here, Nell Well, Lieutenant Boozer^ what are
you for ?
Enter Nell.
Booz. I am for cooling Nants, Major.
Dull. Here, Ne// y a Quart of Nants, and some Pipes
and Smoke.
Tim. And do ye hear, Nell, bid your Mistress come
in to joke a little with us ; for, adzoors, I was damnable
drunk last Night, and I am better at the Petticoat than
the Bottle to day. [Exit Nell.
Dull. Drunk last Night, and sick to Day ! how comes
that about, Mr. Justice? you use to bear your Brandy
well enough.
Tim. Ay, your shier Brandy I'll grant you ; but I was
drunk at Col. Downright' 's with your high Burgundy Claret.
Dull. A Pox of that paulter Liquor, your English French
Wine, I wonder how the Gentlemen do to drink it.
THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
\ Fim. Ay, so do I, 'tis for want of a little Virginia
Breeding : how much more like a Gentleman 'tis, to drink
as we do, brave edifying Punch and Brandy. But they
say, the young Noblemen now, and Sparks in England,
begin to reform, and take it for their Mornings draught,
get drunk by Noon, and despise the lousy Juice of the
Grape.
Enter Mrs. Flirt, and Nell, with drink, pipes, etc.
Dull. Come, Landlady, come, you are so taken up with
Parson Dunce, that your old Friends can't drink a Dram
with you. What, no smutty Catch now, no Gibe or Joke
to make the Punch go down merrily, and advance Trad
ing ? Nay, they say, Gad forgive ye, you never miss going
to Church when Mr. Dunce preaches. but here's to you.
[Drinks.
Flirt. Lords, your Honours are pleas'd to be merry
but my service to your Honour. [Drinks.
Haz. Honours ! who the Devil have we here ? some
of the wise Council at least, I'd sooner take 'em for Hog-
gerds. [Aside.
Flirt. Say what you please of the Doctor, but I'll
swear he's a fine Gentleman, he makes the prettiest Son
nets, nay, and sings 'em himself to the rarest Tunes.
Tim. Nay, the Man will serve for both Soul and Body ;
for they say he was a Farrier in England, but breaking,
turn'd Life-guard-man, and his Horse dying, he counter
feited a Deputation from the Bishop, and came over here
a substantial Orthodox. But come, where stands the Cup?
Here, my service to you, Major.
Flirt. Your Honours are pleased, but methinks Doc
tor Dunce is a very edifying Person, and a Gentleman,
and I pretend to know a Gentleman ; for I my self am
a Gentlewoman : my Father was a Baronet, but undone
in the late Rebellion, and I am fain to keep an Ordinary
now, Heaven help me.
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 233
Tim. Good lack, why, sec how Virtue may be bely'd.
We heard your Father was a Taylor, but trusting for
old Oliver's Funeral broke, and so came hither to hide
his Head. But my service to you; what, you are never
the worse ?
Flirt. Your Honour knows this is a scandalous place,
for they say your Honour was but a broken Excise-Man,
who spent the King's Money to buy your Wife fine Petti
coats ; and at last not worth a Groat, you came over
a poor Servant, though now a Justice of the Peace, and
of the Honourable Council.
Tim. Adz zoors, if I knew who 'twas said so, I'd sue
him for Scandalum Magnatum.
Dull. Hang 'em, Scoundrels, hang 'em, they live upon
Scandal, and we are Scandal-proof. They say too,
that I was a Tinker, and running the Country, robb'd
a Gentleman's House there, was put into Newgate, got a
Reprieve after Condemnation, and was transported hither;
and that you, Boozer, was a common Pick-pocket, and
being often flogg'd at the Carts-tale, afterwards turn'd
Evidence, and when the Times grew honest was fain to flie.
Booz. Ay, ay, Major, if Scandal would have broke our
Hearts, we had not arriv'd to the Honour of being Privy-
Counsellors. But come, Mrs. Flirt, what, never a Song
to entertain us ?
Flirt. Yes, and a Singer too newly come ashore.
Tim. Adz zoors, let's have it then.
Enter a Girl who sings, they bear the Bob.
Haz. Here, Maid, a Tankard of your Drink.
Flirt. Quickly, Nell, wait upon the Gentleman.
Dull. Please you, Sir, to taste of our Liquor. My
service to you. I see you are a Stranger, and alone ;
please you to come to our Table ? \_He rises and comes.
Flirt. Come, Sir, pray sit down here ; these are very
honourable Persons, I assure you : This is Major Dullman,
234 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
Major of his Excellency's own Regiment, when he
arrives ; this Mr. Timorous, Justice a Peace in Corum ;
this Captain Boozer, all of the honourable Council.
Haz. With your leave, Gentlemen. [Sits.
Tim. My service to you, Sir. [Drin&s.
What, have you brought over any Cargo, Sir ? I'll be
your Customer.
Booz. Ay, and cheat him too, I'll warrant him. [Aside.
Haz. I was not bred to Merchandizing, Sir, nor do
intend to follow the drudgery of Trading.
Dull. Men of Fortune seldom travel hither, Sir, to see
Fashions.
Tim. Why, Brother, it may be the Gentleman has
a mind to be a Planter; will you hire your self to make
a Crop of Tobacco this Year?
Haz. I was not born to work, Sir.
Tim. Not work, Sir ! Zoors, your Betters have workt,
Sir. I have workt my self, Sir, both set and stript
Tobacco, for all I am of the honourable Council. Not
work, quoth a ! I suppose, Sir, you wear your Fortune
upon your Back, Sir?
Haz. Is it your Custom here, Sir, to affront Strangers ?
I shall expect Satisfaction. [Rises.
Tim. Why, does any body here owe you any thing ?
Dull. No, unless he means to be paid for drinking
with us, ha, ha, ha.
Haz. No, Sir, I have money to pay for what I drink :
here's my Club, my Guinea, [Flings down a Guinea.
I scorn to be oblig'd to such Scoundrels.
Booz. Hum call Men of Honour Scoundrels.
[Rise in huff.
Tim. Let him alone, let him alone, Brother; how
should he learn Manners? he never was in Virginia
before.
Dull. He's some Covent-Garden Bully.
Tim. Or some broken Citizen turned Factor.
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER
Haz. Sir, you lye, and you are a Rase; ro
[Flings the Bra
Tim. Adz zoors, he has spiPd all the B
[Tim. runs behind the Door, Dull.
Hazard.
Haz. I understand no Cudgel-play, but wear a Sword
to right myself. [Draws, they run off.
Flirt. Good Heavens ! what, quarelling in my House?
Haz. Do the Persons of Quality in this Country treat
Strangers thus?
Flirt. Alas, Sir, 'tis a familiar way they have, Sir.
Haz. Fm glad I know it. Pray, Madam, can you
inform one how I may be furnish'd with a Horse and
a Guide to Madam Sttrelove**?
Flirt. A most accomplish 'd Lady, and my very good
Friend, you shall be immediately [Exeunt.
SCENE II. The Council-Table.
Enter Wellman, Downright, Dunce, Whimsey, Whiff,
and others.
Well. Come, Mr. Dunce, though you are no Counsellor,
yet your Counsel may be good in time of Necessity, as now.
Dun. If I may give worthy Advice, I do not look upon
our Danger to be so great from the Indians, as from young
Bacon, whom the People have nick-nam'd Fright-all.
Whim. Ay, ay, that same Bacon, I would he were
well hang'd : I am afraid that under pretence of killing
all the Indians he means to murder us, lie with our Wives,
and hang up our little Children, and make himself Lord
and King.
Whiff. Brother Whimsey, not so hot ; with leave of the
honourable Board, my Wife is of opinion, that Bacon
came seasonably to our Aid, and what he has done was
for our Defence, the Indians came down upon us, and
ravish'd us all, Men, Women, and Children.
236 .' THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
jpyelL If these Grievances were not redrest, we had our
Reasons for it ; it was not that we were insensible, Captain
' Whiffy of what we suffered from the Insolence of the Indians,
but all knew what we must expect from Bacon, if that by
lawful Authority he had arrived to so great a Command as
General ; nor would we be hufft out of our Commissions.
Down. 'Tis most certain that Bacon did not demand
a Commission out of a design of serving us, but to satisfy
his Ambition and his Love ; it being no secret that he
passionately admires the Indian Queen, and under the
pretext of a War, intends to kill the King her Husband,
establish himself in her Heart, and on all occasions make
himself a more formidable Enemy than the Indians are.
Whim. Nay, nay , I ever foresaw he would prove a Villain.
Whiff. Nay, and he be thereabout, my Nancy shall
have no more to do with him.
Well. But, Gentlemen, the People daily flock to him,
so that his Army is too considerable for us to oppose by
any thing but Policy.
Down. We are sensible, Gentlemen, that our Fortunes,
our Honours, and our Lives are at stake ; and therefore
you are call'd together to consult what's to be done in this
Grand Affair, till our Governour and Forces arrive from
England: the Truce he made with the Indians will be
out to morrow.
Whiff. Ay, and then he intends to have another bout
with the Indians. Let's have patience, I say, till he has
thrumb'd their Jackets, and then to work with your Poli
ticks as soon as you please.
Down. Colonel Wellman has answer'd that point, good
Captain Whiff; 'tis the Event of this Battel we ought to
dread ; and if won or lost, will be equally fatal for us,
either from the Indians or from Bacon.
Dun. With the Permission of the honourable Board,
I think I have hit upon an Expedient that may prevent
this Battel : your Honours shall write a Letter to Bacon,
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 237
where you shall acknowledge his Services, invite him
kindly home, and offer him a Commission for General
Whiff. Just my Nancy's Counsel Dr. Dunce has
spoken like a Cherubin, he shall have my Voice for
General; what say you, Brother Whimsey?
Down. I say he is a Noble Fellow, and fit for a General.
Dun. But conceive me right, Gentlemen ; as soon as
he shall have render'3~fiimself, seize him, and strike off
his HeacTat the Fort.
Whiff. Hum ! his Head Brother.
Whim. Ay, ay, Dr. Dunce speaks like a Cherubin.
Well. Mr. Dunce, your Counsel in extremity, I confess,
is not amiss; but I should be loth to deal dishonourably
with any Man.
Down. His Crimes deserve Death, his Life is forfeited
by Law, but shall never be taken by my consent by
Treachery : If by any Stratagem we could take him alive,
and either send him for England to receive there his
Punishment, or keep him Prisoner here till the Governour
arrive, I should agree to it ; but I question his coming in
upon our Invitation.
Dun. Leave that to me.
Whim. Come, I'll warrant him, the Rogue's as stout
as Hector y he fears neither Heaven nor Hell.
Down. He's too brave and bold to refuse our Sum
mons, and I am for sending him for England, and leaving
him to the King's Mercy.
Dun. In that you'll find more difficulty, Sir ; to take
him off here will be more quick and sudden : for the
People worship him.
Well. I'll never yield to so ungenerous an Expedient.
The seizing him I am content in the Extremity wherein
we are to follow. What say you, Colonel Downright?
shall we send him a Letter now, while this two days
Truce lasts, between him and the Indians?
Down. I approve it.
238 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
All. And I, and I, and I.
Dun. If your Honours please to make me the Mes
senger, I'll use some Arguments of my own to prevail
with him.
Well. You say well, Mr. Dunce^ and we'll dispatch
you presently. \_Ex. Well. Down, and all but
Whim. Whiff, and Dunce.
Whiff. Ah, Doctor, if you could but have persuaded
Colonel Wellman and Colonel Downright to have hanged
him
Whim. Why, Brother Whiff^ you were for making
him a General but now.
Whiff. The Counsels of wise States-men, Brother
Whimscy, must change as Causes do, d'ye see.
Dun. Your Honours are in the right ; and whatever
those two leading Counsellors say, they would be glad ir
Bacon were dispatch'd : but the punctilio of Honour is
such a thing.
Whim. Honour, a Pox on't ; what is that Honour that
keeps such a bustle in the World, yet never did good as
I heard of?
Dun. Why, 'tis a foolish word only, taken up by great
Men, but rarely practis'd. But if you wou'd be great
Men indeed
Whiff. If we wou'd, Doctor, name, name the way.
Dun. Why, you command each of you a Company
when Bacon comes from the Camp, as I am sure he will,
(and full of this silly thing call'd Honour, will come
unguarded too) lay some of your Men in Ambush along
those Ditches by the Sevana, about a Mile from the
Town ; and as he comes by, seize him, and hang him
up upon the next Tree.
Whiff. Hum hang him ! a rare Plot.
Whim. Hang him ! we'll do't, we'll do't, Sir, and I
doubt not but to be made General for the Action I'll take
it all upon my self. [Aside.
sc. in] THE WIDOW RANTER 239
Dun. If you resolve upon this, you must about in- \r
stantly Thus I shall at once serve my Country, and
revenge my self on the Rascal for affronting my Dignity
once at the Council-Table, by calling me Farrier. [Ex. Dr.
Whiff. Do you know, Brother, what we are to do?
Whim. To do ! yes, to hang a General, Brother, that's
all.
. Whiff. All ! but is it lawful to hang any General ?
Whim. Lawful, yes, that 'tis lawful to hang any
General that fights against Law.
Whiff. But in what he has done, he has serv'd the
King and our Country, and preserved our Lives and
Fortunes.
Whim. That's all one, Brother ; if there be but a Quirk
in the Law offended in this Case, though he fought like
Alexander, and preserv'd the whole World from Perdition,
yet if he did it against Law, 'tis lawful to hang him ;
why, what, Brother, is it fit that every impudent Fellow
that pretends to a little Honour, Loyalty, and Courage,
should serve his King and Country against the Law?
no, no, Brother, these things are not to be suffer'd in
a civil Government by Law establish'd, wherefore let's
about it. \_Exeunt.
SCENE III. Surelove's Home.
Enter Ranter and Jeffery her Coachman.
Ran. Here, Jeffery, ye drunken Dog, set your Coach
and Horses up, I'll not go till the cool of the Evening,
I love to ride in Fresco.
Enter a Boy.
Coach. Yes, after hard drinking [Aside.~\ It shall be
done, Madam. [Exit.
Ran. How now, Boy, is Madam Surelove at home ?
Boy. Yes, Madam.
Ran. Go tell her I am here, Sirrah.
240 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
Boy. Who are you pray forsooth ?
Ran. Why, you Son of a Baboon, don't you know me ?
Boy. No, Madam, I came over but in the last Ship.
Ran. What, from Newgate or Bridewell? from shove-
ing the Tumbler, Sirrah, lifting or filing the Cly?
Boy. I don't understand this Country Language, for
sooth, yet.
Ran. You Rogue, 'tis what we transport from England
first go, ye Dog, go tell your Lady the Widow Ranter is
come to dine with her [Exit Boy.] I hope I shall not find
that Rogue Daring here sniveling after Mrs. Chrisante :
If I do, by the Lord, I'll lay him thick. Pox on him, why
shou'd I love the Dog, unless it be a Judgment upon me.
Enter Surelove and Chrisante.
My dear Jewel, how do'st do? as for you, Gentle
woman, you are my Rival, and I am in Rancour against
you till you have renounc'd my Daring.
Chris. All the Interest I have in him, Madam, I resign
to you.
Ran. Ay, but your House lying so near the Camp,
gives me mortal Fears but prithee how thrives thy
Amour with honest Friendly ?
Chris. As well as an Amour can that is absolutely
forbid by a Father on one side, and pursued by a good
Resolution on the other.
Ran. Hay Gad, I'll warrant for Friendly'* Resolution,
what though his Fortune be not answerable to yours, we
are bound to help one another. Here, Boy, some Pipes
and a Bowl of Punch ; you know my Humour, Madam,
I must smoak and drink in a Morning, or I am maukish
all day.
Sure. But will you drink Punch in a Morning?
Ran. Punch ! 'tis my Morning's Draught, my Table-
drink, my Treat, my Regalio, my every thing ; ah, my
dear Surelove^ if thou wou'd but refresh and cheer thy
sc. m] THE WIDOW RANTER 241
Heart with Punch in a Morning, thou wou'dst not look
thus cloudy all the day.
Enter Pipes and a great Bowl, she falls to smoaking.
Sure. I have reason, Madam, to be melancholy, I have
received a Letter from my Husband, who gives me an
account that he is worse in England than when he was
here, so that I fear I shall see him no more, the Doctors
can do no good on him.
Ran. A very good hearing. I wonder what the Devil
thou hast done with him so long? an old fusty weather-
beaten Skeleton, as dried as Stock-fish, and much of the
Hue. Come, come, here's to the next, may he be young,
Heaven, I beseech thee. [Drinks.
Sure. You have reason to praise an old Man, who dy'd
and left you worth fifty thousand Pound.
Ran. Ay, Gad and what's better, Sweetheart, dy'd
in good time too, and left me young enough to spend this
fifty thousand Pound in better Company rest his Soul
for that too.
Chris. I doubt 'twill be all laid out in Bacon's mad
Lieutenant General Daring.
Ran. Faith, I think I could lend it the Rogue on good
Security.
Chris. What's that, to be bound Body for Body ?
Ran. Rather that he should love no body's Body besides
my own ; but my fortune is too good to trust the Rogue,
my Money makes me an Infidel.
Chris. You think they all love you for that.
Ran. For that, ay, what else ? if it were not for that,
I might sit still and sigh, and cry out, a Miracle ! a Miracle!
at sight of a Man within my Doors.
Enter Maid.
Maid. Madam, here's a young Gentleman without
wou'd speak with you.
Sure. With me ? sure thou'rt mistaken ; is it not
Friendly?
IV R
242 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT i
Maid. No, Madam, 'tis a Stranger.
Ran. 'Tis not Daring, that Rogue, is it ?
Maid. No, Madam.
Ran. Is he handsome ? does he look like a Gentleman ?
Maid. He's handsome, and seems a Gentleman.
Ran. Bring him in then, I hate a Conversation with
out a Fellow, hah, a good handsome Lad indeed.
Enter Hazard with a Letter.
Sure. With me, Sir, would you speak ?
Haz. If you are Madam Surelove.
Sure. So I am call'd.
Haz. Madam, I am newly arriv'd from England, and
from your Husband my Kinsman bring you this.
[Gives a Letter.
Ran. Please you to sit, Sir.
Haz. She's extremely handsome. [Aside sits down.
Ran. Come, Sir, will you smoke a Pipe ?
Haz. I never do, Madam.
Ran. Oh, fie upon't, you must learn then, we all smoke
here, 'tis a part of good Breeding. Well, well, what
Cargo, what Goods have ye ? any Points, Lace, rich Stuffs,
Jewels ; if you have, I'll be your Chafferer, I live hard by,
any body will direct you to the Widow Ranter's.
Haz. I have already heard of you, Madam.
Ran. What, you are like all the young Fellows, the
first thing they do when they come to a strange Place, is
to enquire what Fortunes there are.
Haz. Madam, I had no such Ambition.
Ran. Gad, then you're a Fool, Sir ; but come, my
service to you ; we rich Widows are the best Commodity
this Country affords, I'll tell you that.
[This while Sure, reads the Letter.
Sure. Sir, my Husband has recommended you here in
a most particular manner, by which I do not only find the
esteem he has for you, but the desire he has of gaining you
sc. m] THE WIDOW RANTER 243
mine, which on a double score I render you, first for his
sake, next for those Merits that appear in your self.
Haz. Madam, the endeavours of my Life shall be to
express my Gratitude for this great Bounty.
Enter Maid.
Maid. Madam, Mr. Friend tys here.
Sure. Bring him in.
Haz. Friendly! I had a dear Friend of that name,
who I hear is in these Parts. Pray Heaven it may be he.
Ran. How now, Charles.
Enter Friendly.
Friend. Madam, your Servant Hah ! should not I
know you for my dear friend Hazard. [Embracing him.
Haz. Or you're to blame, my Friendly.
Friend. Prithee what calm brought thee ashore?
Haz. Fortune de la guerre, but prithee ask me no
Questions in so good Company, where a Minute lost from
this Conversation is a Misfortune not to be retrieved.
Friend. Dost like her, Rogue [Softly aside.
Haz. Like her ! have I sight, or sense ? Why, I adore
her.
Friend. Mrs. Chrisante, I heard your Father would
not be here to day, which made me snatch this opportu
nity of seeing you. ,
Ran. Come, come, a Pox of this whining Love, it spoils
good Company.
Friend. You know, my dear Friend, these Opportunities
come but seldom, and therefore I must make use of them.
Ran. Come, come, I'll give you a better Opportunity
at my House to morrow, we are to eat a Buffalo there,
and I'll secure the old Gentleman from coming.
Friend. Then I shall see Chrisanteonce more before I go.
Chris. Go Heavens whither, my Friendly?
Friend. I have received a Commission to go against the
Indians, Bacon being sent for home.
244 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n
Ran. But will he come when sent for?
Friend. If he refuse we are to endeavour to force him.
Chris. I do not think he will be forc'd, not even by
Friendly.
Friend. And, faith, it goes against my Conscience to
lift my Sword against him, for he is truly brave, and what
he has done, a Service to the Country, had it but been
by Authority.
Chris. What pity 'tis there should be such false Maxims
in the World, that noble Actions, however great, must be*
criminal for want of a Law to authorise 'em.
Friend. Indeed 'tis pity that when Laws are faulty they
should not be mended or abolish'd.
Ran. Hark ye, Charles, by Heaven, if you kill my
Daring I'll pistol you.
Friend. No, Widow, I'll spare him for your sake.
[They join with Surelove.
Haz. Oh, she's all divine, and all the Breath she utters
serves but to blow my Flame.
Enter Maid.
Maid. Madam, Dinner's on the Table
Sure. Please you, Sir, to walk in come, Mr. Friendly.
[She takes Hazard.
Ran. Prithee, good Wench, bring in the Punch-Bowl.
[Exeunt.
ACT II.
SCENE I. A Pavilion.
Discovers the Indian King and Queen sitting in State, with
Guards of Indians, Men and Women attending: To them
Bacon richly dressed, attended by Daring, Fearless and
other Officers ; he bows to the King and Queen,
who rise to receive him.
King. I am sorry, Sir, we meet upon these Terms, we
who so often have embrac'd as Friends.
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 245
Bac. How charming is the Queen ! [Aside.] War, Sir,
is not my Business nor my Pleasure : Nor was I bred in
Arms, my Country's Good has forc'd me to assume a
Soldier's Life ; and 'tis with much regret that I employ
the first Effects of it against my Friends : yet whilst I may
whilst this Cessation lasts, I beg we may exchange those
Friendships, Sir, we have so often paid in happier Peace.
King. For your part, Sir, you've been so noble, that
I repent the fatal Difference that makes us meet in Arms.
Yet though I'm young, I'm sensible of Injuries; and oft
have heard my Grandsire say, That we were Monarchs
once of all this spacious World, till you, an unknown
People, landing here, distress'd and ruin'd by destructive
Storms, abusing all our charitable Hospitality, usurp'd our
Right, and made your Friends your Slaves.
Bac. I will not justify the Ingratitude of my Fore
fathers, but finding here my Inheritance, I am resolv'd
still to maintain it so, and by my Sword which first cut
out my Portion, defend each Inch of Land, with my last
drop of Blood.
Queen. Even his Threats have Charms that please the
Heart. [Aside.
King. Come, Sir, let this ungrateful Theme alone,
which is better disputed in the Field.
Queen. Is it impossible there might be wrought an
understanding betwixt my Lord and you ? 'Twas to that
end I first desired this Truce, my self proposing to be
Mediator, to which my Lord Cavernio shall agree, could
you but condescend I know you are noble : And I have
heard you say our tender Sex could never plead in vain.
Bac. Alas ! I dare not trust your pleading, Madam :
a few soft Words from such a charming Mouth would
make me lay the Conqueror at your Feet, as a Sacrifice
for all the Ills he has done you.
Queen. How strangely am I pleas'd to hear him talk.
[Aside.
246 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n
King. Semerntd) see, the Dancers do appear ;
Sir, will you take your Seat ? [ To Bacon.
[He leads the Queen to a Seat, they sit and talk.
Bac. Curse on his Sports that interrupted me, my very
Soul was hovering at my Lip, ready to have discover'd all
its Secrets. But oh ! I dread to tell her of my pain, and
when I wou'd an awful trembling seizes me, and she can
only from my dying Eyes read all the Sentiments of my
captive Heart. [Sits down, the rest wait.
Enter Indians that dance Anticks : after the Dance the
King seems in discourse with Bacon, the Queen
rises and comes forth.
Queen. The more I gaze upon this English Stranger,
the more Confusion struggles in my Soul: Oft I have
heard of Love, and oft this Gallant Man (when Peace
had made him pay his idle Visits) has told a thousand
Tales of dying Maids ; and ever when he spoke, my
panting Heart, with a prophetick Fear in Sighs reply'd,
I shall fall a Victim to his Eyes.
Enter an Indian.
Indian. Sir, here's a Messenger from the English Council
desires admittance to the General. [To the King.
Bac. With your Permission he may advance.
[To the King.
Re-enter Indian with Dunce. A Letter.
Dun. All Health and Happiness attend your Honour,
this from the honourable Council. [Gives him a Letter.
King. I'll leave you till you have dispatch'd the Messenger,
and then expect your presence in the Royal Tent.
[Exeunt King, Queen, and Indians.
Bac. Lieutenant, read the Letter. [To Daring.
Daring reads.
SIR, the necessity of what you have acted makes it pardon
able^ and we could wish we had done the Country and our
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 247
selves so much Justice as to have given you that Commission
you desired. We now find it reasonable to raise more Forces,
to oppose these Insolences, which possibly yours may be too weak
to accomplish, to which end the Council is ordered to meet this
Evening, and desiring you will come and take your place there,
and be pleas' d to accept from us a Commission to command in
Chief in this War. Therefore send those Soldiers under your
Command to their respective Houses, and haste, Sir, to your
affectionate Friends
Fear. Sir, I fear the Hearts and Pen did not agree
when this was writ.
Dar. A plague upon their shallow Politicks ! Do they
think to play the old Game twice with us?
Bac. Away, you wrong the Council, who of them
selves are honourable Gentlemen ; but the base coward
Fear of some of them, puts the rest on tricks that suit not
with their Nature.
Dun. Sir, 'tis for noble ends you are sent for, and for
your safety I'll engage my Life.
Dar. By Heaven, and so you shall ; and pay it too
with all the rest of your wise-headed Council.
Bac. Your Zeal is too officious now; I see no Treachery,
and can fear no Danger.
Dun. Treachery ! now Heavens forbid, are we not
Christians, Sir, all Friends and Countrymen ? believe me,
Sir, 'tis Honour calls you to increase your Fame, and he
who would dissuade you is your Enemy.
Dar. Go cant, Sir, to the Rabble for us, we know you.
Bac. You wrong me when you but suspect for me ;
let him that acts dishonourably fear. My innocence and
my good Sword's my Guard.
Dar. If you resolve to go, we will attend you.
Bac. What, go like an invader! No, Daring, the Invita
tion's friendly, and as a Friend attended only by my
menial Servants, I'll wait upon the Council, that they
248 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n
may see that when I could command it, I came an humble
Suppliant for their Favour. You may return, and tell
'em I'll attend.
Dun. I kiss your Honour's Hands [Goes out.
Dar. 'Sdeath, will you trust the faithless Council, Sir,
who have so long held you in hand with Promises, that
Curse of States-men, that unlucky Vice that renders even
Nobility despis'd?
Bac. Perhaps the Council thought me too aspiring, and
would not add Wings to my ambitious Flight.
Dar. A pox of their considering Caps, and now they
find that you can soar alone, they send for you to knip
your spreading Wings.
Now, by my Soul, you shall not go alone.
Bac. Forbear, lest I suspect you for a Mutineer ; I am
resolv'd to go.
Fear. What, and send your Army home; a pretty fetch.
Dar. By Heaven, we'll not disband, not till we see
how fairly you are dealt with : If you have a Commission
to be General, here we are ready to receive new Orders :
If not, we'll ring them such a thundring Peal shall beat
the Town about their treacherous Ears.
Bac. I do command you not to stir a Man, till you're
inform'd how I am treated by 'em. leave me, all.
\_Exeunt Officers.
\While Bacon reads the Letter again, to him the Indian
Queen with Women waiting.
Queen. Now while my Lord's asleep in his Pavilion,.
I'll try my Power with the General for an Accommodation
of a Peace : The very dreams of War fright my soft
Slumbers that us'd to be employ'd in kinder Business.
Bac. Ha ! the Queen what Happiness is this presents
it self which all my Industry could never gain ?
Queen. Sir ^Approaching him.
Bac. Prest with the great extremes of Joy and Fear,
I trembling stand, unable to approach her.
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 249
Queen. I hope you will not think it Fear in me, though
timorous as a Dove by nature framM : Nor that my Lord,
whose Youth's unskill'd in War, can either doubt his
Courage, or his Forces, that makes me seek a Reconcilia
tion on any honourable Terms of Peace.
Bac. Ah Madam ! if you knew how absolutely you
command my Fate, I fear but little Honour would be
left me, since whatsoe'er you ask me I should grant.
Queen. Indeed I would not ask your Honour, Sir, that
renders you too brave in my esteem. Nor can I think that
you would part with that. No, not to save your Life.
Bac. I would do more to serve your least commands
than part with trivial Life.
Queen. Bless me, Sir, how came I by such a Power ?
Bac. The Gods and Nature gave it you in your Crea
tion, form'd with all the Charms that ever grac'd your Sex.
Queen. Is't possible? am I so beautiful?
Bac. As Heaven, or Angels there.
Queen. Supposing this, how can my Beauty make you
so obliging ?
Bac. Beauty has still a Power over great Souls, and
from the moment I beheld your Eyes, my stubborn
Heart melted to compliance, and from a nature rough and
turbulent, grew soft and gentle as the God of Love.
Queen. The God of Love ! what is the God of Love ?
Bac. 'Tis a resistless Fire, that's kindled thus at every
[ Takes her by the Hand and gazes on her.
gaze we take from such fine Eyes, from such bashful Looks,
and such soft Touches it makes us sigh, and pant as I
do now, and stops the breath when e'er we speak of Pain.
Queen. Alas for me if this should be Love ! [Aside.
Bac. It makes us tremble when we touch the fair one ;
and all the Blood runs shivering through the Veins, the
Heart's surrounded with a feeble Languishment, the Eyes
are dying, and the Cheeks are pale, the Tongue is faltring,
and the Body fainting.
250 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n
Queen. Then I'm undone, and all I feel is Love. [Aside.
If Love be catching, Sir, by Looks and Touches, let us
at distance parley or rather let me fly, for within view
is too near [Aside.
Bac. Ah ! she retires displeas'd I fear with my pre
sumptuous Love, Oh, pardon, fairest Creature. [Kneels.
Queen. I'll talk no more, our Words exchange our
Souls, and every Look fades all my blooming Honour, like
Sun-beams on unguarded Roses Take all our Kingdoms
make our People Slaves, and let me fall beneath your
conquering Sword : but never let me hear you talk again,
or gaze upon your Eyes. [Goes out.
Bac. She loves ! by Heaven, she loves ! and has not Art
enough to hide her Flame, though she have cruel Honour
to suppress it. However, I'll pursue her to the Banquet.
[Exit.
SCENE II. The Widow Ranter's Hall.
Enter Surelove fatfd by two Negroes^ followed by Hazard.
Sure. This Madam Ranter is so prodigious a Treater
oh ! I hate a Room that smells of a great Dinner, and
what's worse, a desert of Punch and Tobacco what !
are you taking leave so soon, Cousin ?
Haz. Yes, Madam, but 'tis not fit I should let you know
with what regret I go, but Business will be obey'd.
Sure. Some Letters to dispatch to English Ladies you
have left behind come, Cousin, confess.
Haz. I own I much admire the English Beauties but
never yet have put their Fetters on.
Sure. Never in love! oh, then you have pleasure to come.
Haz. Rather a Pain when there's no Hope attends it.
Sure. Oh, such Diseases quickly cure themselves.
Haz. I do not wish to find it so ; for even in Pain
I find a Pleasure too.
Sure. You are infected then, and come abroad for Cure.
Haz. Rather to receive my Wounds, Madam.
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 251
Sure. Already, Sir, whoe'er she be, she made good
haste to conquer, we have few here boast that Dex
terity.
Haz. What think you of Chrisante, Madam?
Sure. I must confess your Love and your Despair are
there placM right, of which I am not fond of being made
a Confident, since I am assur'd she can love none but
Friendly. [Coldly.
Haz. Let her love on as long as Life shall last, let
Friendly take her, and the Universe, so I had my next
wish [Sighs.
Madam, it is yourself that I adore I should not be so
vain to tell you this, but that I know you have found the
Secret out already from my Sighs.
Sure. Forbear, Sir, and know me for your Kinsman's
Wife, and no more.
Haz. Be scornful as you please, rail at my Passion,
and refuse to hear it ; yet I'll love on, and hope in spite
of you ; my Flame shall be so constant and submissive,
it shall compel your Heart to some return.
Sure. You're very confident of your Power, I perceive;
but if you chance to find yourself mistaken, say your
Opinion and your Affectation were misapply'd, and not
that I was cruel. [Ex. Surelove.
Haz. Whate'er denials dwell upon your Tongue, your
Eyes assure me that your Heart is tender. [Goes out.
Enter the Bagpiper , playing before a great Bowl of Punch ,
carry 'd between two Negroes, a Highlander dancing after it ;
the Widow Ranter led by Timorous; Chrisante by
Dullman ; Mrs. Flirt and Friendly, all dancing
after it ; they place it on the Table.
Dull. This is like the noble Widow all over, i'faith.
Tim. Ay, ay, the Widow's Health in a full Ladle,
Major. [Drinks.
252 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n
But a Pox on't, what made that young Fellow here,
that affronted us yesterday, Major ?
\_Whlle they drink about.
Dull. Some damned Sharper that would lay his Knife
aboard your Widow, Cornet.
Tim. Zoors, if I thought so, I'd arrest him for Salt and
Battery, lay him in Prison for a swinging Fine, and take
no Bail.
Dull. Nay, had it not been before my Mistress here,
Mrs. Chrisante^ I had swinged him for his Yesterday's
Affront; ah, my sweet Mistress Chrlsante if you did
but know what a power you have over me
Chris. Oh, you're a great Courtier, Major.
Dull. Would I were any thing for your sake, Madam.
Ran. Thou art anything, but what thou shouldst be;
prithee, Major, leave off being an old Buffoon, that is, a
Lover turn'd ridiculous by Age, consider thy self a mere
rouling Tun of Nantz, a walking Chimney, ever smoak-
ing with nasty Mundungus, and then thou hast a Coun
tenance like an old worm-eaten Cheese.
Dull. Well, Widow, you will joke, ha, ha, ha
Tim. Gad' Zoors, she's pure company, ha, ha
Dull. No matter for my Countenance, Col. Down
right likes my Estate, and is resolved to have it a match.
Friend. Dear Widow, take off your damned Major,
for if he speak another word to Chrisante^ I shall be put
past all my patience, and fall foul upon him.
Ran. S'life, not for the world Major, I bar Love-
making within my Territories, 'tis inconsistent with the
Punch-Bowl, if you'l drink, do, if not, be gone.
Tim. Nay, Gad's Zooks, if you enter me at the Punch-
Bowl you enter me in Politicks well, 'tis the best Drink
in Christendom for a Statesman.
[They drink about , the Bagpipe playing.
Ran. Come, now you shall see what my High-land
Valet can do. \_A Scots Dance.
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 253
Dull. So I see, let the World go which way it will,
Widow, you are resolv'd for mirth, but come to the
conversation of the Times.
Ran. The Times ! why, what a Devil ails the Times ?
I see nothing in the Times but a Company of Coxcombs
that fear without a Cause.
Tim. But if these Fears were laid, and Bacon were
hanged, I look upon Virginia to be the happiest part of
the World, gadszoors, why, there's England 'tis noth
ing to't, I was in England about six Years ago, and was
shewed the Court of Aldermen, some were nodding, some
saying nothing, and others very little to purpose ; but how
could it be otherwise, for they had neither Bowl of Punch,
Bottles of Wine or Tobacco before 'em, to put Life and
Soul into 'em as we have here : then for the young Gen
tlemen their farthest Travels is to France or Italy, they
never come hither.
Dull. The more's the pity, by my troth. [Drinks.
Tim. Where they learn to swear Mor-blew, Mor-dee
Friend. And tell you how much bigger the Louvre is
than Whitehall; buy a suit a-la-mode, get a swinging
Clap of some French Marquise, spend all their Money,
and return just as they went.
Dull. For the old Fellows, their business is Usury,
Extortion, and undermining young Heirs.
Tim. Then for young Merchants, their Exchange is
the Tavern, their Ware-house the Play-house, and their
Bills of Exchange Billet-Douxs, where to sup with their
Wenches at the other end of the Town, now judge you
what a condition poor England is in : for my part I look
upon it as a lost Nation, gads zoors.
Dull. I have considered it, and have found a way to
save all yet.
Tim. As how, I pray ?
Dull. As thus : we have Men here of great Experience
and Ability now I would have as many sent into England,
254 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n
as would supply all Places and Offices, both Civil and Mili
tary, d'ye see ; their young Gentry should all travel hither
for breeding, and to learn the mysteries of State.
Friend. As for the old covetous Fellows, I would have the
Tradesmen get in their Debts, break and turn Troopers.
Tim. And they'd be soon weary of Extortion, gad
zoors.
Dull. Then for the young Merchants, there should be
a Law made, none should go beyond Ludgate.
Friend. You have found out the only way to preserve
that great Kingdom.
[Drinking all this while sometimes.
Tim. Well, gad zoors, 'tis a fine thing to be a good
Statesman.
Friend. Ay, Cornet, which you had never been had
you staid in Old England.
Dull. Why, Sir, we were somebody in England.
Friend. So I heard, Major.
Dull. You heard, Sir ! what have you heard ? he's a
Kidnapper that says he heard any thing of me and so
my service to you. I'll sue you, Sir, for spoiling my
Marriage here by your Scandals with Mrs. Chrisante :
but that shan't do, Sir, I'll marry her for all that, and
he's a Rascal that denies it.
Friend. S'death, you lye, Sir I do.
Tim. Gad zoors, Sir, lye to a Privy-Counsellor, a Major
of Horse ! Brother, this is an Affront to our Dignities :
draw and I'll side with you.
{They both draw on Friendly, the Ladies run off.
Friend. If I disdain to draw, 'tis not that I fear your
base and cowardly Force, but for the respect I bear you as
Magistrates, and so I leave you. [Goes out.
Tim. An arrant Coward, gad zoors.
Dull. A mere Paultroon, and I scorn to drink in his
Company. [Exeunt, putting up their Swords.
sc. in] THE WIDOW RANTER 255
SCENE III. A Sevana, or large Heath.
Enter Whimsey, Whiff, and Boozer, with some Soldiers
arm'd.
Whim. Stand stand and hear the word of Command
do ye see yon Cops, and that Ditch that runs along
Major Dullman's Plantation ?
Booz. We do.
Whim. Place your Men there, and lie flat on your Bellies,
and when Bacon comes, (if alone) seize him, d'ye see.
Whiff. Observe the Command now (if alone) for we
are not for blood-shed.
Booz. I'll warrant you for our parts.
[Exeunt all but Whim, and Whiff.
Whim. Now we have ambusht our Men, let's light our
Pipes, and sit down and take an encouraging dram of the
Bottle. [Pulls a Bottle of Brandy out of his Pocket they sit.
Whiff. Thou art a Knave, and hast emptied half the
Bottle in thy Leathern Pockets ; but come, here's young
Frightairs Health.
Whim. What, wilt drink a Man's Health thou'rt going
to hang?
Whiff. 'Tis all one for that, we'll drink his Health first,
and hang him afterwards, and thou shalt pledge me, d'ye
see, and though 'twere under the Gallows.
Whim. Thou'rt a Traitor for saying so, and I defy thee.
Whiff. Nay, since we are come out like loving Brothers
to hang the General, let's not fall out among our selves;
and so here's to you, [Drinks.~\ though I have no great
Maw to this Business.
Whim. Prithee, Brother Whiff, do not be so villainous
a Coward, for I hate a Coward.
Whiff. Nay, 'tis not that but, my Whiff, my Nancy
dreamt to night she saw me hanged.
Whim. 'Twas a cowardly Dream, think no more on't;
256 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n
but as Dreams are expounded by contraries, thou shalt
hang the General.
Whiff. Ay but he was my Friend, and I owe him at
this time a hundred Pounds of Tobacco.
Whim. Nay, then I am sure thou'dst hang him if he
were thy Brother.
Whiff. But hark I think I hear the Neighing ot
Horses, where shall we hide our selves? for if we stay
here, we shall be mawled damnably.
[Exeunt both behind a Bush, peeping.
Enter Bacon, Fearless, and 3 or 4 Footmen.
Bac. Let the Groom lead the Horses o'er the Sevana ;
we'll walk it on Foot, 'tis not a quarter of a Mile to the
Town ; ,and here the Air is cool.
Fear. The Breezes about this time of the Day begin to
take wing, and fan refreshment to the Trees and Flowers.
Bac. And at these Hours how fragrant are the Groves }
Fear. The Country's well, were but the people so.
Bac. But come, lets on [They pass to the Entrance.
Whim. There, Boys
[The Soldiers come forth and fall on Bacon.
Bac. Hah ! Ambush
[Draws, Fearless and Footmen draw, the Soldiers
after a while fighting, take Bacon and Fearless,
they having laid 3 or 4 dead.
Whiff. So, so, he's taken ; now we may venture out.
Whim. But are you sure he's taken ?
Whiff. Sure ! can't you believe your Eyes, come forth ;
I hate a Coward Oh, Sir, have we caught your Mightiness.
Bac. Are you the Authors of this valiant Act? None
but such villainous Cowards durst have attempted it.
Whim. Stop his railing Tongue.
Whiff. No, no, let him rail, let him rail now his Hands
are ty'd^ ha, ha. Why, good General Frightall, what, was
no body able d'ye think to tame the roaring Lyon?
sc. in] THE WIDOW RANTER 257
Eac. You'll be hanged for this.
Whim. Come, come, away with him to the next
Tree.
Eac. What mean you, Villains?
Whiff. Only to hang your Honour a little, that's all.
We'll teach you^ Sir, to serve your Country against Law.
As they go off, enter Daring with Soldiers.
Dar. Hah my General betray'd ! this I suspected.
[His Men come in, they fall on, release Bacon and
Fearless, and his Man, and get Swords. Whimsey's
Party put Whim, and Whiff before 9 em striding y em
as they endeavour to run on this side or that, and
forcing 9 em to bear up, they are taken after some
fighting.
Fear. Did not the General tell you Rogues, you'd be
allhang'd?
Whiff. Oh, Nancy, Nancy, how prophetick are thy
Dreams !
Eac. Come, lets on
Dar. S'death, what mean you, Sir ?
Bac. As I designed to present my self to the Council.
Dar. By Heavens, we'll follow then to save you from
their Treachery, 'twas this that has befallen you that
I feared, which made me at a distance follow you.
Bac. Follow me still, but still at such a distance as
your Aids may be assisting on all occasions. Fearless,
go back and bring your Regiment down; and Daring,
let your Sergeant with his Party guard these Villains to
the Council.
[Ex. Bac. Dar. and Fearless.
Whiff. A Pox on your Worship's Plot.
Whim. A Pox of your forwardness to come out of the
Hedge.
[Ex. Officers, with Whim, and Whiff.
IV
258 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT 11
SCENE IV. The Council-Table.
Enter CV.Wellman, Col. Downright, Dullman, Timorous,
and about seven or eight more seat themselves.
Well. You heard Mr. Dunce's opinion, Gentlemen,
concerning Bacon s coming upon our Invitation. He believes
he will come, but I rather think, though he be himself
undaunted, yet the persuasions of his two Lieutenant-
Generals, Daringand Fear/ess, may prevent him Colonel,
have you order'd our Men to be in Arms?
Enter a Soldier.
Down. I have, and they'l attend further order on the
Sevana.
Sold. May it please your Honours, Bacon is on his way,
he comes unattended by any but his Footmen, and Col.
Fearless.
Down. Who is this Fellow ?
Well. A Spy I sent to watch Bacon's Motions.
Sold. But there is a Company of Soldiers in Ambush on
this side of the Sevana to seize him as he passes by.
Well. That's by no order of the Council.
Omnes. No, no, no order.
Well. Nay, 'twere a good design if true.
Tim. Gad zoors, wou'd I had thought on't for my
Troop.
Down. I am for no unfair dealing in any extremity.
Enter Brag in haste.
Brag. An't please your Honours, the saddest News
an Ambush being laid for Bacon, they rush'd out upon
him on the Sevana, and after some fighting took him and
Fearless
Tim. Is this your sad News zoors, wou'd I had had
a hand in't.
Brag. When on a sudden, Daring and his Party fell
sc. iv] THE WIDOW RANTER 259
in upon us, turn'd the tide kill'd our Men, and took
Captain Whimscy, and Captain Whiff Prisoners; the rest
run away, but Bacon fought like fury.
Tim. A bloody Fellow !
Down. Whimsey and Whiff? they deserve Death for
acting without order.
Tim. I'm of the Colonel's Opinion, they deserve to
hang for't.
Dull. Why, Brother, I thought you had wish'd that
the Plot had been yours but now.
Tim. Ay, but the Case isalter'd since that, good Brother.
Well. Now he's exasperated past all hopes of a Recon
ciliation.
Dull. You must make use of the Statesman's Refuge,
wise Dissimulation.
Brag. For all this, Sir, he will not believe but that you
mean honourably, and no Persuasions could hinder him
from coming, so he has dismiss'd all his Soldiers, and is
entring the Town on foot.
Well. What pity 'tis a brave Man should be guilty of
an ill Action.
Brag. But the noise of his danger has so won the
Hearts of the Mobile, that they increase his Train as he
goes, and follow him in the Town like a Victor.
Well. Go wait his coming. [Exit Brag.
He grows too popular and must be humbled.
Tim. I was ever of your mind, Colonel.
Well. Ay, right or wrong but what's your Counsel
now?
Tim. E'en as it used to be, I leave it to wiser Heads.
Enter Brag.
Brag. Bacon, Sir, is entring.
Tim. Gad zoors, wou'd I were safe in bed.
P(2,l. Colonel, keep in your Heat, and treat calmly
with lim.
260 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n
Well. I rather wish you would all follow me, Fd meet
him at the head of all his noisy Rabble, and seize him from
the Rout.
Down. What, Men of Authority dispute with Rake-
hells ! 'tis below us, Sir.
Tim. To stake our Lives and Fortunes against their
nothing.
Enter Bacon, after him the Rabble with Staves and Clubs,
bringing in Whim, and Whiff bound.
What means this Insolence ? What, Mr. Bacon,
do you come in Arms ?
Bac. I'd need, Sir, come in Arms, when Men that
should be honourable can have so poor Designs to take
my Life.
Well. Thrust out his following Rabble.
1st Rab. We'll not stir till we have the General safe
back again.
Bac. Let not your Loves be too officious but retire
ist Rab. At your Command we vanish.
[The Rabble retire.
Bac. I hope you'll pardon me, if in my own defence
I seized on these two Murderers.
Down. You did well, Sir, 'twas by no order they acted
stand forth and hear your Sentence in time of War
we need no formal Tryals to hang Knaves that act with
out order.
Whiff. Oh, Mercy, Mercy, Colonel 'twas Parson
Dunce's Plot.
Down. Issue out a Warrant to seize Dunce immediately
you shall be carry'd to the Fort to pray.
Whim. Oh, good your Honour, I never pray'd in all
my Life.
Down. From thence drawn upon a Sledge to the place
of Execution where you shall hang till you are r" d
and then be cut down and tv
sc. iv] THE WIDOW RANTER 261
Whim. Oh, hold hold we shall never be able to
endure half this. [Kneeling.
Well. I think the Offence needs not so great Punish
ment ; their Crime, Sir, is but equal to your own, acting
without Commission.
Bac. 'Tis very well explained, Sir, had I been murder'd
by Commission then, the Deed had been approved, and
now perhaps I am beholding to the Rabble for my Life.
Well. A fine Pretence to hide a popular Fault, but for
this once we pardon them and you.
Bac. Pardon! for what? by Heaven,! scorn your Pardon,
I've not offended Honour nor Religion.
Well. You have offended both in taking Arms.
Bac. Should I stand by and see my Country ruin'd,
my King dishonoured, and his Subjects murder'd, hear the
sad Crys of Widows and of Orphans? you heard it loud,
but gave no pitying care to't, and till the War and Massacre
was brought to my own door, my Flocks and Herds sur
prized, I bore it all with Patience. Is it unlawful to
defend my self against a Thief that breaks into my Doors?
Well. And call you this defending of your self?
Bac. I call it doing of my self that right, which upon
just demand the Council did refuse me ; if my Ambition,
as you're pleased to call it, made me demand too much,
I left my self to you.
Well. Perhaps we thought it did.
Bac. Sir, you affront my Birth I am a Gentleman,
and yet my Thoughts were humble I would have fought
under the meanest of your Parasites.
Tim. There's a Bob for us, Brother. [To Dull.
Bac. But still you put me off with Promises and when
compelFd to stir in my Defence I call'd none to my aid,
and those that came, 'twas their own Wrongs that urg'd
them.
Down. 'Tis fear'd, Sir, under this Pretence, you aim
at Government.
262 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT n, sc. iv
Bac. I scorn to answer to so base an Accusation ; the
height of my Ambition is to be an honest Subject.
Well. An honest Rebel, Sir
Bac. You know you wrong me, and 'tis basely urg'd
but this is trifling here are my Commissions.
[Throws down Papers, Down, reads.
Down. To be General of the Forces against the Indians,
and blank Commissions for his Friends.
Well. Tear them in pieces are we to be imposed
upon ? Do ye come in hostile manner to compel us ?
Down. Be not too rough, Sir, let us argue with him.
Well. I am resolv'd I will not.
Tim. Then we are all dead Men, Gudzoors ! he will
not give us time to say our Prayers.
Well. We every day expect fresh force from England,
till then, we of our selves shall be sufficient to make
defence against a sturdy Traitor.
Bac. Traitor ! S'death, Traitor I defy ye, but that
my Honour's yet above my Anger, I'd make you answer
me that Traitor dearly. [Rises.
Well. Hah am I threatned Guards, secure the Rebel.
[Guards seize him.
Bac. Is this your honourable Invitation ? Go triumph
in your short-liv'd Victory, the next turn shall be mine.
[Exeunt Guards with Bac.
A Noise of Fighting Enter Bacon, Wellman's Guards beat
back by the Rabble, Bacon snatches a Sword from one, and
keeps back the Rabble, Tim. gets under the Table.
Down. What means this Insolence ?
Rab. We'll have our General, and knock that Fellow's
Brains out, and hang up Colonel Wellman.
All. Ay, ay, hang up Wellman.
[The Rabble seize Well, and Dull, and the rest.
Dull. Hold, hold, Gentlemen, I was always for the
General.
ACT in, sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 263
Rab. Let's barbicu this fat Rogue
Bac. Be gone, and know your distance to the Council.
[The Rabble let y em go.
Well. I'd rather perish by the meanest Hand, than owe
my safety poorly thus to Bacon. [In Rage.
Bac. If you persist still in that mind I'll leave you,
and conquering make you happy 'gainst your will.
\_Ex. Bacon and Rabble, hollowing a Bacon, a Bacon.
Well. Oh villanous Cowards ! who will trust his Honour
with Sycophants so base ? Let us to Arms by Heaven,
I will not give my Body rest, till I've chastised the bold
ness of this Rebel.
[Exeunt Well. Down, and the rest, all but Dull.
Tim. peeps from under the Table.
Tim. What, is the roistering Hector gone, Brother?
Dull. Ay, ay, and the Devil go with him.
[Looking sadly, Tim. comes out.
Tim. Was there ever such a Bull of Bashan! Why,
what if he should come down upon us and kill us all for
Traitors.
Dull. I rather think the Council will hang us all for
Cowards ah oh a Drum a Drum oh. [He goes out.
Tim. This is the Misery of being great.
We're sacrific'd to every turn of State. [Exit.
ACT III.
SCENE I. The Country Court, a great Table, with Papers,
a Clerk writing.
Enter a great many People of all sorts, then Friendly,
after him Dullman.
Friend. How now, Major ; what, they say Bacon scar'd
you all out of the Council yesterday; What say the People?
Dull. Say? they curse us all, and drink young FrightaWs
Health, and swear they'll fight through Fire and Brim
stone for him.
264 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT in
Friend. And to morrow will hollow him to the
Gallows, if it were his chance to come there.
Dull. 'Tis very likely : Why, I am forced to be guarded
to the Court now, the Rabble swore they would De-Wit
me, but I shall hamper some of 'em. Wou'd the Governour
were here to bear the brunt on't, for they call us the
evil Counsellors.
Enter Hazard, goes to Friendly.
Here's the young Rogue that drew upon us too, we have
Rods in Piss for him, i'faith.
Enter Timorous with Bailiffs, whispers to Dullman,
after which to the Bailiffs.
Tim. Gadzoors, that's he, do your Office.
Bail. We arrest you, Sir, in the King's Name, at the
suit of the honourable Justice Timorous.
Haz. Justice Timorous! who the Devil's he?
Tim. I am the man, Sir, d'ye see, for want of a better ;
you shall repent, Guds zoors, your putting of tricks upon
Persons of my Rank and Quality.
[After he has spoke^ he runs back as afraid of him.
Haz. Your Rank and Quality !
Tim. Ay, Sir, my Rank and Quality ; first I am one
of the honourable Council, next, a Justice of Peace in
Quorum, Cornet of a Troop of Horse, d'ye see, and
Church-warden.
Friend. From whence proceeds this, Mr. Justice? you
said nothing of this at Madam Ranter's yesterday ; you
saw him there, then you were good Friends.
Tim. Ay, however I have carried my Body swimmingly
before my Mistress, d'ye see, I had Rancour in my
Heart, Gads zoors.
Friend. Why, this Gentleman's a Stranger, and but
lately come ashore.
Haz. At my first landing I was in company with this
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 265
Fellow and two or three of his cruel Brethren, where I
was affronted by them, some Words pass'd, and I drew
Tim. Ay, ay, Sir, you shall pay for't, why what,
Sir, cannot a civil Magistrate affront a Man, but he must
be drawn upon presently ?
Friend. Well, Sir, the Gentleman shall answer your
Suit, and I hope you'll take my Bail for him.
Tim. 'Tis enough I know you to be a civil Person.
Timorous and Dullman take their Places on a long Bench
placed behind the Table, to them Whimsey and Whiff", they
seat themselves, then Boozer and two or three more; who seat
themselves : Then enter two, bearing a Bowl of Punch
and a great Ladle or two in it ; the rest of the Stage
being fiWd with People.
Whiff. Brothers, it hath often been mov'd at the Bench,
that a new Punch-Bowl shou'd be provided, and one of
a larger Circumference ; when the Bench sits late about
weighty Affairs, oftentimes the Bowl is emptied before
we end.
Whim. A good Motion ; Clerk, set it down.
Clerk. Mr. Justice Boozer, the Council has order'd you
a Writ of Ease, and dismiss your Worship from the Bench.
Booz. Me from the Bench, for what?
Whim. The Complaint is, Brother Boozer, for drink
ing too much Punch in the time of hearing Tryals.
Whiff. And that you can neither write nor read, nor
say the Lord's Prayer.
Tim. That your Warrants are like a Brewer's Tally,
a Notch on a Stick ; if a special Warrant, then a couple.
Go^ls zoors, when his Excellency comes he will have
n . such Justices.
Booz. Why, Brother, though I can't read my self, I have
ha 1 Dalian's Country-Justice read over to me two or three
times, and understand the Law. This is your Malice,
Brother Whiff, because my Wife does not come to your
266 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT in
Warehouse to buy her Commodities, but no matter,
to show I have no Malice in my Heart, I drink your
Health. I care not this, I can turn Lawyer, and plead
at the Board. [Drinks, all pledge him, and hum.
Dull. Mr. Clerk, come to the Tryals on the Dockett.
[Clerk reads.
Cler. The first is between his Worship Justice Whiff
and one Grubb.
Dull. Ay, that Grubtfs a common Disturber, Brother,
your Cause is a good Cause if well manag'd, here's to't.
[Drinks.
Whiff. I thank you, Brother Dullman read my Petition.
[Drinks.
Cler. The Petition of Captain Thomas Whiff, sheweth,
That whereas Gilbert Grubb calls his Worship's Wife
Ann Whiff Whore, and said he would prove it ; your
Petitioner desires the Worshipful Bench to take it into
Consideration, and your Petitioner shall ever pray, &c.
Here's two Witnesses have made Affidavit viva voce,
an't like your Worships.
Dull. Call Grubb.
Cler. Gilbert Grubb ', come into the Court.
Grub. Here.
Whim. Well, what can you say for your self, Mr. Grubb.
Grub. Why, an't like your Worship, my Wife invited
some Neighbours Wives to drink a Cagg of Syder ; now
your Worship's Wife, Madam Whiff, being there fuddled,
would have thrust me out of doors, and bid me go to my
old Whore Madam Whimsey, meaning your Worship's
Wife. [T* Whimsey.
Whim. Hah ! My Wife called Whore, she's a Jade, n
I'll arrest her Husband here in an Action of Debts. '
Tim. Gad zoors, she's no better than she should 1
I'll warrant her.
Whiff. Look ye, Brother Whimsey, be patient ; y
know the humour of my Nancy, when she's drunk; b
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 267
when she's sober, she's a civil Person, and shall ask your
pardon.
Whim. Let this be done, and I am satisfied. And so
here's to you. [Drinks.
Dull. Go on to the Trial.
Grub. I being very angry, said indeed, I would prove
her a greater Whore than Madam Whimsey.
Cler. An't like your Worships, he confesses the Words
in open Court.
Grub. Why, an't like your Worships, she has had two
Bastards, I'll prove it.
Whiff. Sirrah, Sirrah, that was when she was a Maid,
not since I marry'd her; my marrying her made her
honest.
Dull. Let there be an order of Court to sue him for
Scandalum magnatum.
Tim. Mr. Clerk, let my Cause come next.
Cler. The Defendant's ready, Sir.
[Hazard comes to the Board.
Tim. Brothers of the Bench, take notice, that this Hector
here coming into Mrs. Flirt's Ordinary, where I was with
my Brother Dullman and Lieutenant Boozer ; we gave
him good Counsel to fall to work : Now my Gentleman
here was affronted at this, forsooth, and makes no more
to do but calls us Scoundrels, and drew his Sword on us;
and had I not defended my self by running away, he had
murdered me, and assassinated my two Brothers.
Whiff. What Witness have you, Brother?
Tim. Here's Mrs. Flirt and her Maid Net!, besides,
we may be Witness for one another, I hope, our Words
^ay be taken.
n Cler. Mrs. Flirt and Nell are sworn. [ They stand forth.
Whim. By the Oaths that you have taken, speak
ha.hing but the truth.
tuFlirt. An't please your Worships, your Honours came
Br m y House, where you found this young Gentleman :
268 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT in
and your Honours invited him to drink with your Honours;
Where after some opprobrious Words given him, Justice
Dullmari) and Justice Boozer struck him over the Head ;
and after that indeed the Gentleman drew.
Tim. Mark that, Brother, he drew.
Haz. If I did, it was se defcndendo.
Tim. Do you hear that, Brothers, he did it in defiance.
Haz. Sir, you ought not to sit Judge and Accuser too.
Whiff. The Gentleman's i'th' right, Brother, you
cannot do't according to Law.
Tim. Gads zoors, what new tricks, new querks?
Haz. Gentlemen, take notice, he swears in Court.
Tim. Gads zoors, what's that to you, Sir?
Haz. This is the second time of his swearing.
Whim. What, do you think we are deaf, Sir ? Come,
come, proceed.
Tim. I desire he may be bound to his Good Behaviour,
fin'd, and deliver up his Sword, what say you, Brother?
\_Jogs Dull, who nods.
Whim. He's asleep, drink to him and waken him,
you have miss'd the Cause by sleeping, Brother.
[Drinks.
Dull. Justice may nod, but never sleeps, Brother
you were at Deliver his Sword a good Motion, let it
be done. \_Drinks.
Haz. No, Gentlemen, I wear a Sword to right my self.
Tim. That's fine, i'faith, Gads zoors, I've worn a Sword
this dozen Year, and never cou'd right my seif.
Whiff. Ay, 'twou'd be a fine World if Men should
wear Swords to right themselves; he that's bound to the
Peace shall wear no Sword.
Whim. I say, he that's bound to the Peace ought to
wear no Peruke, they may change 'em for black or white,
and then who can know them.
Haz. I hope, Gentlemen, I may be allowed to speak
for my self.
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 269
Whiff. Ay, what can you say for your self, did you not
draw your Sword, Sirrah ?
Haz. I did.
Tim. 'Tis sufficient, he confesses the Fact, and we'll
hear no more.
Haz. You will not hear the Provocation given.
Dull. 'Tis enough, Sir, you drew
Whim. Ay, ay, 'tis enough, he drew let him be fin'd.
Friend. The Gentleman should be heard, he's Kinsman
too to Colonel John Surelove.
Tim. Hum Colonel Surelovis Kinsman.
Whiff. Is he so ? nay, then all the reason in the World
he should be heard, Brothers.
Whim. Come, come, Cornet, you shall be Friends with
the Gentleman ; this was some drunken bout, I'll warrant
you.
Tim. Ha, ha, ha, so it was, Gads zoors.
Whiff". Come, drink to the Gentleman, and put it up.
Tim. Sir, my service to you, I am heartily sorry for
what's pass'd, but it was in my drink. [Drinks.
Whim. You hear his Acknowledgments, Sir, and when
he's sober he never quarrels. Come, Sir, sit down, my
Service to you.
Haz. I beg your excuse, Gentlemen I have earnest
business.
Dull. Let us adjourn the Court, and prepare to meet
the Regiments on the Sevana.
[All go but Friend, and Hazard.
Haz. Is this the best Court of Judicature your Country
affords?
Friend. To give it its due, it is not. But how does thy
Amour thrive ?
Haz. As well as I can wish in so short a time.
Friend. I see she regards thee with kind Eyes, Sighs
and Blushes.
Haz. Yes, and tells me I am so like a Brother she had
270 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT in
to excuse her kind concern, then blushes so prettily,
that, Gad, I cou'd not forbear making a discovery of my
Heart.
Friend. Have_aj:are of that, come upon her by slow
degrees, for I know'sFe^sTFrtuous; T^^
to the Sevana, where I'll present you to the two Colonels,
Wellman and Downright ', the Men that manage all till
the arrival of the Governour. \_Exeunt.
SCENE II. The Sevana or Heath.
Enter Wellman, Downright, Boozer, and Officers.
Well. Have you dispatch'd the Scouts, to watch the
Motions of the Enemies? I know that Bacon is violent
and haughty, and will resent our vain Attempts upon
him ; therefore we must be speedy in prevention.
Down. What Forces have you raised since our last order?
Booz. Here's a List of 'em, they came but slowly in,
till we promised every one a Bottle of Brandy.
Enter Officer and Dunce.
Offi. We have brought Mr. Dunce here, as your Honour
commanded us; after strict search we found him this
Morning in bed with Madam Flirt.
Down. No matter, he'll exclaim no less against the
Vices of the Flesh the next Sunday.
Dun. I hope, Sir, you will not credit the Malice of
my Enemies.
Well. No more, you are free, and what you counsell'd
about the Ambush, was both prudent and seasonable, and
perhaps I now wish it had taken effect.
Enter Friendly and Hazard.
Friend. I have brought an English Gentleman to kiss
your Hands, Sir, and offer you his Service, he is young
and brave, and Kinsman to Colonel Surelove.
Well, Sir, you are welcome ; and to let you see you
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 271
are so, we will give you your Kinsman's Command,
Captain of a Troop of Horse-Guards, and which I'm sure
will be continued to you when the Governour arrives.
Haz. I shall endeavour to deserve the Honour, Sir.
Enter Dull. Tim. Whim, and Whiff, all in Buff, Scarf,
and Feather.
Down. So, Gentlemen, I see you're in a readiness.
Tim. Readiness ! What means he, I hope we are not
to be drawn out to go against the Enemy, Major.
Dull. If we are, they shall look a new Major for me.
Well. We were debating, Gentlemen, what course
were best to pursue against this powerful Rebel.
Friend. Why, Sir, we have Forces enough, let's charge
him instantly, Delays are dangerous.
Tim. Why, what a damn'd fiery Fellow is this?
Down. But if we drive him to extremities, we fear his
siding with the Indians.
Dull. Colonel Downright has hit it; why should we
endanger our Men against a desperate Termagant ; If he
love Wounds and Scars so well, let him exercise on our
Enemies but if he will needs fall upon us, 'tis then
time enough for us to venture our Lives and Fortunes.
Tim. How, we go to Bacon ! under favour, I think 'tis
his duty to come to us, an you go to that, Gads zoors.
Friend. If he do, 'twill cost you dear, I doubt, Cornet.
I find by our List, Sir, we are four thousand Men.
Tim. Gads zoors, not enough for a Breakfast for that
insatiate Bacon, and his two Lieutenant Generals, Fearless
and Daring.
[Whiff sits on the Ground with a Bottle of Brandy.
Whim. A Morsel, a Morsel.
Well. I am for an attack, what say you, Gentlemen,
to an attack ? What, silent all ? What say you, Major ?
Dull. I say, Sir, I hope my Courage was never in dis
pute. But, Sir, I am going to marry Colonel Downright*!
272 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT in
Daughter here and should I be slain in this Battle
'tw-ould break her Heart ; besides, Sir, I should lose her
Fortune. [Speaks big.
Well. I'm sure here's a Captain will never flinch.
[To Whim.
Whim. Who, I, an't like your Honour ?
Well. Ay, you.
Whim. Who, I ? ha, ha, ha : Why, did your Honour
think that I would fight?
Well. Fight ! yes ; why else do you take Commissions ?
Whim. Commissions ! Oh Lord, O Lord, take Com
missions to fight! ha, ha, ha; that's a jest, if all that
take Commissions should fight
Well. Why do you bear Arms then ?
Whim. Why, for the Pay ; to be called Captain, noble
Captain, to show, to cock and look big, and bluff as I do :
to be bow'd to thus as we pass, to domineer and beat our
Soldiers : Fight, quoth a, ha, ha, ha.
Friend. But what makes you look so simply, Cornet ?
Tim. Why, a thing that I have quite forgot, all my
Accounts for England are to be made up, and I'm undone
if they be neglected else I wou'd not flinch for the
stoutest he that wears a Sword \Looking big.
Down. What say you, Captain Whiff?
[Whiff a /most drunk.
Whiff. I am trying, Colonel, what Mettle I'm made
on ; I think I am valiant, I suppose I have Courage, but
I confess 'tis a little of the D breed, but a little inspira
tion from the Bottle, and the leave of my Nancy, may do
wonders.
Enter a Seaman in haste.
Sea. An't please your Honours, Fright all's Officers
have seiz'd all the Ships in the River, and rid now round
the Shore, and had by this time secur'd the sandy Beach,
and landed Men to fire the Town, but that they are high
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 273
in drink aboard the Ship calPd the Good-Sirbject ; the
Master of her sent me to let your Honours know, that
a few Men sent to his assistance will surprize them and
retake the Ships.
Well. Now, Gentlemen, here is a brave occasion for
Emulation why writ not the Master?
Dull. Ay, had he writ, I had soon been amongst them,
i'faith ; but this is some Plot to betray us.
Sea. Keep me here, and kill me if it be not true.
Down. He says well there's a Brigantine and a Shallop
ready, I'll embark immediately.
Friend. No, Sir, your Presence is here more necessary,
let me have the Honour of this Expedition.
Haz. I'll go your Volunteer, Charles.
Well. Who else offers to go ?
Whim. A mere Trick to kidnap us, by Bacon, if the
Captain had writ.
Tim. Ay, ay, if he had writ
Well. I see you're all base Cowards, and here cashier
ye from all Commands and Offices.
Whim. Look ye, Colonel, you may do what you please,
but you lose one of the best dress'd Officers in your whole
Camp, Sir.
Tim. And in me, such a Head-piece.
Whiff. I'll say nothing, but let the State want me.
Dull. For my part I am weary of weighty Affairs.
[In this while Well. Down. Friend, and Haz. talk.
Well. Command what Men you please, but Expedi
tion makes you half a Conqueror. [Ex. Friend, and Haz.
Enter another Seaman with a Letter, gives it to
Downright, he and Wellman read it.
Down. Look ye now, Gentlemen, the Master has writ.
Dull. Has he he might have writ sooner, while I was
in Command, if he had
Whim. Ay, Major if he had but let them miss us.
IV T
274 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT in
Well. Colonel, haste with your Men, and reinforce
the Beach, while I follow with the Horse ; Mr. Dunce,
pray let that Proclamation be read concerning Bacon, to
the Soldiers. [Ex. Down, and Well.
Dun. It shall be done, Sir. Gentlemen, how simply
you look now.
The Scene opens and discovers a Body of Soldiers.
Tim. Why, Mr. Parson, I have a scruple of Conscience
upon me, I am considering whether it be lawful to kill,
though it be in War ; I have a great aversion to't, and
hope it proceeds from Religion.
Whiff. I remember the Fit took you just so when the
Dutch besieged us, for you cou'd not then be persuaded
to strike a stroke.
Tim. Ay, that was because they were Protestants as
we are ; but, Gads zoors, had they been Dutch Papists
I had maul'd them : but Conscience
Whim. I have been a Justice of Peace this six Years,
and never had a Conscience in my Life.
Tim. Nor I neither, but in this damn'd thing of fighting.
Dun. Gentlemen, I am commanded to read the Declara
tion of the honourable Council to you. [To the Soldiers.
All. Hum, hum, hum
Booz. Silence silence [Dunce reads.
Dun. By an order of Council, dated May the loth,
1670. To all Gentlemen Soldiers, Merchants, Planters,
and whom else it may concern. Whereas Bacon, contrary
to Law and Equity, has, to satisfy his own Ambition,
taken up Arms with a pretence to fight the Indians,
but indeed to molest and enslave the whole Colony, and
to take away their Liberties and Properties; this is to
declare, that whoever shall bring this Traitor dead or alive
to the Council, shall have three hundred pounds Reward.
And so God save the King.
All. A Council, a Council ! Hah [Hollow.
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 275
Enter a Soldier hastily.
Sold. Stand to your Arms, Gentlemen, stand to your
Arms, Bacon is marching this way.
Dun. Hah what Numbers has he ?
Sold. About a hundred Horse, in his march he has
surpriz'd Colonel Downright, and taken him Prisoner.
All. Let's fall on Bacon let's fall on Bacon, hay.
[Hollow.
Booz. We'll hear him speak first and see what he
can say for himself.
All. Ay, ay, we'll hear Bacon speak.
[Dunce pleads with them.
Tim. Well, Major, I have found a Stratagem shall make
us Four the greatest Men in the Colony, we'll surrender
our selves to Bacon, and say we disbanded on purpose.
Dull. Good
Whiff. Why, I had no other design in the World
in refusing to fight.
Whim. Nor I, d'ye think I wou'd have cxcus'd it with
the fear of disordering my Cravat-String else.
Dun. Why, Gentlemen, he designs to fire James Town,
murder you all, and then lie with your Wives ; and will
you slip this opportunity of seizing him ?
Booz. Here's a termagant Rogue, Neighbours we'll
hang the Dog.
All. Ay, ay, hang Bacon, hang Bacon.
Enter Bacon and Fearless, some Soldiers leading in Down
right bound i Bacon stands and stares a while on the
Regiments, who are silent all.
Bac. Well, Gentlemen, in order to your fine Declara
tion, you see I come to render my self.
Dun. How came he to know of our Declaration ?
Whiff. Rogues, Rogues among our selves, that inform.
Bac. What, are ye silent all, not a Man to lift his
Hand in Obedience to the Council, to murder this Traytor
276 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT in
that has exposed his Life so often for you? Hah, what,
not for three hundred Pound ? You see I've left my
Troops behind, and come all weaned with the Toils
of War, worn out by Summers heats, and Winters cold,
march'd tedious Days and Nights through Bogs and
Fens as dangerous as your Clamours, and as faithless,
what though 'twas to preserve you all in Safety, no matter,
you shou'd obey the grateful Council, and kill this honest
Man that has defended you.
All. Hum, hum, hum.
Whiff. The General speaks like a Gorgon.
Tim. Like a Cherubin, Man.
Bac. All silent yet where's that mighty Courage, that
cried so loud but now, A Council, a Council? where is your
Resolution ? cannot three hundred Pound excite your
Valour to seize that Traitor Bacon who has bled for you ?
All. A Bacon, a Bacon, a Bacon. [Hollow.
Down. Oh villainous Cowards! Oh the faithless
Multitude !
Bac. What say you, Parson ? you have a forward Zeal.
Dun. I wish my Coat, Sir, did not hinder me from
acting as becomes my Zeal and Duty.
Whim. A plaguy rugged Dog, that Parson
Bac. Fearless, seize me that canting Knave from out
the Herd, and next those honourable Officers.
[Points to Dull, Whim, Whiff, and Tim. Fearless
seizes them, and gives them to the Soldiers, and takes
the Proclamation from Dunce, and shews Bacon ;
they read it.
Dull. Seize us, Sir, you shall not need, we laid down our
Commissions on purpose to come over to your Honour.
Whiff. We ever lov'd and honour'd your Honour.
Tim. So intirely, Sir that I wish I were safe in James
Town for your sake, and your Honour were hang'd. [Aside.
Bac. This fine Piece is of your penning, Parson,
though it be countenanc'd by the Council's Names. Oh
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 277
Ingratitude ! Burn, burn the treacherous Town, fire it
immediately.
Whim. We'll obey you, Sir.
Whiff. Ay, ay, we'll make a Bonfire on't, and drink
your Honour's health round about it. [ They offer to go.
Bac. Yet hold, my Revenge shall be more merciful, I
ordered that all the Women of Rank shall be seiz'd and
brought to my Camp. I'll make their Husbands pay their
Ransoms dearly ; they'd rather have their Hearts bleed
than their Purses.
Fear. Dear General, let me have the seizing of Colonel
Downright* s Daughter; I would fain be plundering for
a Trifle call'd a Maiden-head.
Bac. On pain of Death treat them with all respect ;
assure them of the safety of their Honour. Now, all that
will follow me, shall find a welcome, and those that will
not, may depart in Peace.
All. Hay, a General, a General, a General.
[Some Soldiers go off: Some go to the side of Bacon.
Enter Daring and Soldiers, with Chrisante, Surelove, Mrs.
Whim, and Mrs. Whiff, and several other Women.
Bac. Successful Daring, welcome, what Prizes have ye?
Dar. The fairest in the World, Sir ; I'm not for
common Plunder.
Down. Hah, my Daughter and my Kinswoman !
Bac. 'Tis not with Women, Sir, nor honest men like
you, that I intend to combat ; not their own Parents
shall be more indulgent, nor better Safe-guard to their
Honours, Sir : But 'tis to save the expence of Blood I
seize on their most valued Prizes.
Down. But, Sir, I know your wild Lieutenant General
has long lov'd my Chrisante, and perhaps, will take this
time to force her to consent.
Dar. I own I have a Passion for Chrisante, yet by my
General's Life, or her fair self, what now I act is on the
score of War, I scorn to force the Maid I do adore.
278 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT in, sc. n
Bac. Believe me, Ladies, you shall have honourable
Treatment here.
Chris. We do not doubt it, Sir, either from you or
Daring; if he love me, that will secure my Honour; or
if he do not, he's too brave to injure me.
Dar. I thank you for your just opinion of me, Madam.
Chris. But, Sir, 'tis for my Father I must plead ; to see
his reverend Hands in servile Chains ; and then perhaps,
if stubborn to your Will, his Head must fall a Victim to
your Anger.
Down. No, my good pious Girl, I cannot fear ignoble
usage from the General ; and if thy Beauty can preserve
thy Fame, I shall not mourn in my Captivity.
Bac. I'll ne'er deceive your kind opinion of me-
Ladies, I hope you're all of that Opinion too.
Sure. If seizing us, Sir, can advance your Honour, or be
of any use considerable to you, I shall be proud of such
a Slavery.
Mrs. Whim. I hope, Sir, we shan't be ravish'd in your
Camp.
Dar. Fie, Mrs. Whimsey^ do Soldiers use to ravish ?
Mrs. JVhiff. Ravish ! marry, I fear 'em not, I'd have
'em know, I scorn to be ravish'd by any Man.
Fear. Ay, o' my Conscience, Mrs. Whiff^ you are too
good-natur'd.
Dar. Madam, I hope you'll give me leave to name
Love to you, and try by all submissive ways to win your
Heart.
Chris. Do your worst, Sir : I give you leave, if you
assail me only with your Tongue.
Dar. That's generous and brave, and I'll requite it.
Enter Soldier in haste.
Sold. The Truce being ended, Sir, the Indians grow
so insolent as to attack us even in our Camp, and have
killed several of our Men.
ACT iv, sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 279
Bac. 'Tis time to check their Boldness; Daring, haste,
draw up our Men in order to give 'em Battel, I rather
had expected their submission.
The Country now may see what they're to fear,
Since we that are in Arms are not secure.
[Exeunt, leading the Ladies.
ACT IV.
SCENE I. A Temple, with an Indian God placed upon it,
Priests and Priestesses attending: Enter Indian King on one
side attended by Indian Men ; the Queen enters on the other
with Women. A II bow to the Idol, and divide on each side of the
Stage. Then the Musick playing louder, the Priests and Priest
esses dance about the Idol with ridiculous Postures, and crying
(as for Incantations) thrice repeated, Agah Yerkin,
Agah Boah, Sulen Tawarapah, Sulen Tawarapah.
After this soft Musick plays again : then they sing something
fine : after which the Priests lead the King to the Altar, and
the Priestesses the Queen ; they take off little Crowns
from their Heads, and offer them at the Altar.
King. Invoke the God of our Quiocto to declare what
the Event shall be of this our last War against the English
General. \_Sfi Musick ceases.
[The Musick changes to confused Tunes, to which the
Priests and Priestesses dance, antickly singing between,
the same Incantation as before ; and then dance again,
and so invoke again alternately : Which Dance ended,
a Voice behind the Altar cries, while soft Musick plays,
The English General shall be
A Captive to his Enemy ;
And you from all your Toils be freed,
When by your Hand the Foe shall bleed : ,
And e'er the Sun's swift course be run, o
This mighty Conquest shall be won. iis
280 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT iv
King. I thank the Gods for taking care of us ; prepare
new Sacrifice against the Evening, when I return a Con
queror, I will my self perform the Office of a Priest.
Queen. Oh, Sir, I fear you'll fall a Victim first.
King. What means Semernia? why are thy Looks so pale?
Queen. Alas, the Oracles have double meanings, their
Sense is doubtful, and their Words Enigmas : I fear, Sir,
I cou'd make a truer Interpretation.
King. How, Semernia! by all thy Love I charge thee,
as you respect my Life, to let me know your Thoughts.
Queen. Last Night I dream'd a Lyon fell with hunger,
spite of your Guards, slew you, and bore you hence.
King. This is thy Sex's fear, and no Interpretation of
the Oracle.
Queen. I cou'd convince you farther.
King. Hast thou a Secret thou canst keep from me ? thy
Soul a Thought that I must be a Stranger to ? This is not
like the Justice of Semernia: Come unriddle me the Oracle.
Queen. The English General shall be a Captive to his
Enemy ; he is so, Sir, already, to my Beauty, he says he
languishes for Love of me.
King. Hah ! the General my Rival but go on
Queen. And you from all your War be freed : Oh, let
me not explain that fatal Line, for fear it mean, you shall
be freed by Death.
King. What, when by my Hand the Foe shall bleed ?
away it cannot be
Queen. No doubt, my Lord, you'll bravely sell your Life,
and deal some Wounds where you'll receive so many.
King. 'Tis Love, Semernia^ makes thee dream while
waking :
I'll trust the Gods, and am resolv'd for Battel.
Enter an Indian.
c Ind. Haste, haste, great Sir, to Arms ; Bacon with all his
^orces is prepar'd, and both the Armies ready to engage.
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 281
King. Haste to my General, bid him charge 'em in
stantly ; I'll bring up the Supplies of stout Teroomians,
those so well skilPd in the envenom'd Arrow. [Ex. Indian.
Semernia Words but poorly do express the Griefs
of parting Lovers 'tis with dying Eyes, and a Heart
trembling thus [Puts her Hand on his Heart.
they take a heavy leave; one parting Kiss, and one
Love pressing sigh, and then farewel : but not a long
farewel ; I shall return victorious to thy Arms com
mend me to the Gods, and still remember me. [Exit.
Queen. Alas ! What pity 'tis I saw the General, before
my Fate had given me to the King But now like
those that change their Gods, my faithless Mind betwixt
my two Opinions wavers ; while to the Gods my Monarch
I commend; my wandring Thoughts in pity of the
General makes that Zeal cold, declin'd ineffectual.
If for the General I implore the Deities, methinks my
Prayers should not ascend the Skies, since Honour tells
me 'tis an impious Zeal.
Which way soever my Devotions move,
I am too wretched to be heard above.
[Goes in. All exeunt.
SCENE II. Shows a Field of Tents, seen at some distance
through the Trees of a IVood, Drums, Trumpets and the
noise of Battel, with hollowing. The Indians are seen with
Battel- Axes to retreat fighting from the English, and all go off-,
when they re-enter immediately beating back the English, the
Indian King at the head of his Men, with Bows and Arrows ;
Daring being at the head of the English : They fight
off; the Noise continues less loud as more at distance.
Enter Bacon with his Sword drawn, meets Fearless with
his Sword drawn.
Fear. Haste, haste, Sir, to the Entrance of the Wood,
Daring's engaged past hope of a Retreat, venturing too
far, pursuing of the Foe ; the King in Ambush, with his
282 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT iv
poison'd Archers, fell on, and now we are dangerously
distrest.
Eac. Daring is brave, but he's withal too rash, come
on and follow me to his Assistance [Go out.
[A hollowing within, the Fight renews; enter the
Indians beaten back by Bacon, Daring and Fearless;
they fight off', the noise of Fighting continues a while,
this still behind the Wood.
Enter Indians flying over the Stage, pursued by the King.
King. Turn, turn, ye fugitive Slaves, and face the
Enemy ; Oh Villains, Cowards, deaf to all Command :
by Heaven, I had my Rival in my view, and aim'd at
nothing but my conquering him now like a Coward
I must fly with Cowards, or like a desperate Madman
fall, thus singly, midst the numbers. {Follows the Indians.
Enter Bacon inraged with his Sword drawn, Fearless and
Daring following him.
Eac. Where is the King, oh ye perfidious Slaves?
how, have you hid him from my just Revenge? search
all the Brakes, the Furzes and the Trees, and let him
not escape on pain of Death.
Dar. We cannot do wonders, Sir.
Eac. But you can run away.
Dar. Yes, when we see occasion yet shou'd any
but my General tell me so by Heaven, he should find
I were no starter.
Eac. Forgive me, Pm mad the King's escaped, hid
like a trembling Slave in some close Ditch, where he
will sooner starve than fight it out.
Re-enter Indians running over the Stage, pursued by the
King, who shoots them as they fly ; some few follow him.
King. All's lost the Day is lost and I'm betray'd ;
Oh Slaves, that even Wounds can't animate. [In Rage.
Eac. The King !
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 283
King. The General here ! by all the Powers, betray 'd
by my own Men !
Bac. Abandoned as thou art, I scorn to take thee
basely ; you shall have Soldiers chance, Sir, for your Life,
since Chance so luckily has brought us hither ; without
more Aids we will dispute the Day : This Spot of Earth
bears both our Armies Fates; I'll give you back the Vic
tory I have won, and thus begin a-new on equal Terms.
King. That's nobly said ! the Powers have heard my
Wish. You, Sir, first taught me how to use a Sword,
which heretofore has served me with Success : But now
'tis for Semernia that it draws, a Prize more valued
than my Kingdom, Sir
Bac. Hah, Semernia!
King. Your Blushes do betray your Passion for her.
Dar. 'Sdeath, have we fought for this, to expose the
Victor to the conquer'd Foe?
Fear. What, fight a single Man our Prize already.
King. Not so, young Man, while I command a Dart.
Bac. Fight him ! by Heaven, no reason shall dissuade
me, and he that interrupts me is a Coward ; whatever be
my Fate, I do command ye to let the King pass freely
to his Tents.
Dar. The Devil's in the General.
Fear. 'Sdeath, his Romajvtick Humour will undo us.
[ They fight and pause.
King. You fight as if you meant to outdo me this way,
as you have done in Generosity.
Bac. You're not behind-hand with me, Sir, in courtesy:
Cc me, here's to set us even [Fight again.
King. You bleed apace.
Bac. You've only breath'd a Vein, and given me new
Health and Vigour by it.
[They fight again , Wounds on both sides y the King staggers;
Bacon takes him in his Arms; thelfangdrops his Sword*
How do you, Sir?
284 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT iv
King. Like one that's hovering between Heaven and
Earth ; I'm mounting somewhere upwards but
giddy with my flight, I know not where.
Bac. Command my Surgeons, instantly make haste;
Honour returns, and Love all bleeding's fled.
\_Ex. Fearless.
King. Oh, Semernia, how much more Truth had thy
Divinity than the Predictions of the flattering Oracles !
Commend me to her I know you'll visit your fair
Captive, Sir, and tell her oh but Death prevents the
rest. [Dies.
Enter Fearless.
Bac. He's gone and now, like Cezsar, I could weep
over the Hero I my self destroyed.
Fear. I'm glad for your repose I see him there 'twas
a mad hot-brain'd Youth, and so he died.
Bac. Come bear him on your Shoulders to my Tent,
from whence with all the solemn State we can, we will
convey him to his own Pavilion.
Enter a Soldier.
Sold. Some of our Troops pursuing of the Enemy even
to their Temples, which they made their Sanctuary, find
ing the Queen at her Devotion there with all her Indian
Ladies, I'd much ado to stop their violent Rage from
setting fire to the holy Pile.
Bac. Hang 'em immediately that durst attempt t,
while I my self will fly to rescue her.
\_Goes outy they bear off the King's Body ; Ex, 'all.
Enter Whimsey, pulling in Whiff, with a Halter about
his Neck.
Whim. Nay, I'm resolved to keep thee here till his
Honour the General comes. What, to call him Traitor,
and run away after he had so generously given us oar
freedom, and listed us Cadees for the next Command
that fell in his Army I'm resolved to hang thee
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 285
Whiff. Wilt thou betray and peach thy Friend ? thy
Friend taht kept thee Company all the while thou wert
a Prisoner drinking at my own charge
Whim. No matter for that, I scorn Ingratitude, and
therefore will hang thee but as for thy drinking with
me I scorn to be behind-hand with thee in Civility, and
therefore here's to thee.
[Takes a Bottle of Brandy out of his Pocket, Drinks.
Whiff. I can't drink.
Whim. A certain sign thou wo't be hang'd.
Whiff. You us'd to be o' my side when a Justice, let
the Cause be how it wou'd. {Weeps.
Whim. Ay when I was a Justice I never minded
Honesty, but now I'll be true to my General, and hang
thee to be a great Man.
Whiff. If I might but have a fair Trial for my Life
Whim. A fair Trial ! come, I'll be thy Judge and
if thou canst clear thy self by Law, I'll acquit thee :
Sirrah, Sirrah, what canst thou say for thy self for calling
his Honour Rebel? [Sits on a Drum-head.
Whiff. 'Twas when I was drunk, an't like your Honour.
Whim. That's no Plea; for if you kill a Man when
you are sober, you must be hanged when you are drunk.
Hast thou any thing else to say for thy self why Sentence
may not pass upon thee ?
Whiff. I desire the Benefit of the Clergy.
Whim. The Clergy ! I never knew any body that ever
did benefit by 'em ; why, thou canst not read a word.
Whiff. Transportation then
Whim. It shall be to England then but hold who's
this? [Dullman creeping from a Bush.
Dull. So the Danger's over, I may venture out Pox
on't, I wou'd not be in this fear again, to be Lord Chief
Justice of our Court. Why, how now, Cornet ? what,
in dreadful Equipage? Your Battle-Ax bloody, with Bow
and Arrows.
286 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT iv
Enter Timorous with Bat tie- Ax, Bow and Arrows, and
Feathers on his Head.
Tim. I'm in the posture of the times, Major I cou'd
not be idle where so much Action was; I'm going to
present my self to the General, with these Trophies of
my Victory here
Dull. Victory what Victory did not I see thee creep
ing out of yonder Bush, where thou wert hid all the
Fight stumble on a dead Indian, and take away his Arms?
Tim. Why, didst thou see me?
Dull. See thee, ay and what a fright thou wert in,
till thou wert sure he was dead.
Tim. Well, well, that's all one Gads zoors, if every
Man that passes for valiant in a Battel, were to give an
account how he gained his Reputation, the World wou'd
be but thinly stock'd with Heroes ; I'll say he was a great
War-Captain, and that I kill'd him hand to hand, and
who can disprove me ?
Dull. Disprove thee why, that pale Face of thine,
that has so much of the Coward in't.
Tim. Shaw, that's with loss of Blood Hah, I am
overheard I doubt who's yonder [Sees Whim, and
Whiff.] how, Brother Whiff \\\ a Hempen Cravat-string?
Whim. He call'd the General Traitor, and was running
away, and I'm resolv'd to peach.
Dull. Hum and one Witness will stand good in Law,
in case of Treason
Tim. Gads zoors, in case of Treason, he'll be hang'd if
it be proved against him, were there ne'er a Witness at
all ; but he must be tried by a Council of War, Man
Come, come, let's disarm him
[ They take away his Arms, and pull a Bottle of Brandy
out of his Pocket.
Whiff. What, I hope you will not take away my
Brandy, Gentlemen, my last comfort.
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 287
Tim. Gads zoors, it's come in good time we'll drink
it off, here, Major [Drinks, WhifF/^j him aside.
Whiff. Hark ye, Cornet you are my good Friend,
get this matter made up before it come to the General.
Tim. But this is Treason, Neighbour.
Whiff. If I hang I'll declare upon the Ladder how
you kill'd your War-Captain.
Tim. Come, Brother Wbimey we have been all Friends
and loving Magistrates together, let's drink about, and
think no more of this Business.
Dull. Ay, ay, if every sober Man in the Nation should
be called to account of the Treason he speaks in's Drink,
the Lord have mercy upon us all. Put it up and let
us, like loving Brothers, take an honest Resolution to run
away together ; for this same Frightall minds nothing but
Fighting.
Whim. I'm content, provided we go all to the Council,
and tell them (to make our Peace) we went in obedience
to the Proclamation, to kill Bacon, but the Traitor was
so strongly guarded we could not effect it : but mum
who's here ?
To them, enter Ranter and Jenny, as Man and Footman.
Ran. Hah, our four reverend Justices I hope the
Blockheads will not know me Gentlemen, can you
direct me to Lieutenant General Daring's Tents?
Whiff". Hum, who the Devil's this ? that's he you see
coming this way. 'Sdeath, yonder's Daring let's slip
away before he advances. [Exeunt all but Ran. and Jen.
Jen. I am scar'd with those dead Bodies we have pass'd
over ; for God's sake, Madam, let me know your design
in coming.
Ran. Why, now I tell thee my damn'd mad Fellow
Daring^ who has my Heart and Soul, loves Chrisante, has
stolen her, and carried her away to his Tents; she hates
him, while I am dying for him.
a88 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT iv
Jem. Dying, Madam ! I never saw you melancholy.
Ran. Pox on't, no ; why should I sigh and whine,
and make my self an Ass, and him conceited ? no, instead
of snivelling I am resolved
Jen. What, Madam ?
Ran. Gad, to beat the Rascal, and bring off Chrisante.
Jen. Beat him, Madam ! what, a Woman beat a Lieu
tenant-General ?
Ran. Hang 'em, they get a name in War from Com
mand, not Courage; but how know I but I may fight?
Gad, I have known a Fellow kick'd from one end of the
Town to t'other, believing himself a Coward ; at last
forced to fight, found he could ; got a Reputation, and
bullied all he me.t with ; and got a Name, and a great
Commission.
Jen. But if he should kill you, Madam.
Ran. I'll take care to make it as comical a Duel as the
best of 'em ; as much in love as I am, I do not intend to
die its Martyr.
Enter Daring and Fearless.
Fear. Have you seen Chrisante since the Fight ?
Dar. Yes, but she is still the same, as nice and coy as
Fortune when she's courted by the wretched ; yet she
denies me so obligingly, she keeps my Love still in its
humble Calm.
Ran. Can you direct me, Sir, to one Darings Tent ?
[Sullenly.
Dar. One Daring! he has another Epithet to his
Name.
Ran. What's that, Rascal, or Coward ?
Dar. Hah, which of thy Stars, young Man, has sent
thee hither, to find that certain Fate they have decreed ?
Ran. I know not what my Stars have decreed, but
I shall be glad if they have ordain'd me to fight with
Daring : by thy concern thou shou'dst be he ?
sc. in] THE WIDOW RANTER 289
Dar. I am, prithee who art thou ?
Ran. Thy Rival, though newly arrived from England,
and came to marry fair Chrisante, whom thou hast ravish'd,
for whom I hear another Lady dies.
Dar. Dies for me ?
Ran. Therefore resign her fairly or fight me fairly
Dar. Come on, Sir but hold before I kill thee,
prithee inform me who this dying Lady is?
Ran. Sir, I owe ye no Courtesy, and therefore will do
you none by telling you come, Sir, for Chrisante draw.
[They offer to fight, Fearless steps in.
Fear. Hold what mad Frolick's this? Sir, you fight
for one you never saw [to Ranter.] and you for one that
loves you not. [ To Dar.
Dar. Perhaps she'll love him as little.
Ran. Gad, put it to the Trial, if you dare if thou
be'st generous, bring me to her, and whom she does
neglect shall give the other place.
Dar. That's fair, put up thy Sword I'll bring thee
to her instantly. [Exeunt.
SCENE III. A Tent.
Enter Chrisante and Surelove.
Chris. I'm not so much afflicted for my Confinement,
as I am that I cannot hear of Friendly.
Sure. Art not persecuted with Daring?
Chris. Not at all; though he tells me daily of his
Passion, I rally him, and give him neither Hope nor
Despair, he's here.
Enter Daring, Fear. Rant, and Jenny.
Dar. Madam, the Complaisance I show in bringing
you my Rival, will let you see how glad I am to oblige
you every way.
Ran. I hope the Danger I have exposed my self to for
IV U
290 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT iv
the Honour of kissing your Hand, Madam, will render
me something acceptable here are my Credentials
[Gives her a Letter.
Chrisante reads.
Dear Creature, I have taken this Habit to free you from
an impertinent Lover, and to secure the damned Rogue
Daring to my self: receive me as sent by Colonel Surelove
from England to marry you -favour me no more
Tours, Ranter.
Hah, Ranter? [Aside.~\ Sir, you have too good a
Character from my Cousin Colonel Surelove, not to
receive my Welcome. [Gives Surelove the Letter.
Ran. Stand by, General
[Pushes away Daring, looks big, and takes Chrisante
by the Hand, and kisses it.
Dar. 'Sdeath, Sir, there's room enough at first sight
so kind ! Oh Youth, Youth and Impudence, what Temp
tations are you to Villanous Woman ?
Chris. I confess, Sir, we Women do not love these
rough fighting Fellows, they're always scaring us with
one Broil or other.
Dar. Much good may it do you with your tame Cox
comb.
Ran. Well, Sir, then you yield the Prize ?
Dar. Ay, Gad, were she an Angel, that can prefer
such a callow Fop as thou before a Man take her and
domineer. [They all laugh.
'Sdeath, am I grown ridiculous?
Fear. Why hast thou not found the Jest? by Heaven, 'tis
Ranter, 'tis she that lovesyou; carry on the humour. [Aside.
Faith, Sir, if I were you, I wou'd devote my self to
Madam Ranter.
Chris. Ay, she's the fittest Wife for you, she'll fit your
Humour.
Dar. Ranter Gad, I'd sooner marry a she-Bear,
sc. in] THE WIDOW RANTER 291
unless for a Penance for some horrid Sin ; we should be
eternally challenging one another to the Field, and ten
to one she beats me there ; or if I should escape there,
she wou'd kill me with drinking.
Ran. Here's a Rogue does your Country abound
with such Ladies?
Dar. The Lord forbid, half a dozen wou'd ruin the
Land, debauch all the Men, and scandalize all the
Women.
Fear. No matter, she's rich.
Dar. Ay, that will make her insolent.
Fear. Nay, she's generous too.
Dar. Yes, when she's drunk, and then she'll lavish all.
Ran. A pox on him, how he vexes me.
Dar. Then such a Tongue she'll rail and smoke
till she choke again; then six Gallons of Punch hardly
recovers her, and never but then is she good-natur'd.
Ran. I must lay him on
Dar. There's not a Blockhead in the Country that
has not
Ran. What
Dar. Been drunk with her.
Ran. I thought you had meant something else, Sir.
[In huff.
Dar. Nay as for that I suppose there is no great
difficulty.
Ran. 'Sdeath, Sir, you lye and you are a Son of a
Whore.
[Draws ana 1 fences with kirn, and he runs back round
the Stage.
Dar. Hold hold, Virago dear Widow, hold, and
give me thy hand.
Ran. Widow !
Dar. 'Sdeath, I knew thee by instinct, Widow, though
I seemed not to do so, in Revenge for the Trick you put
on me in telling me a Lady dy'd for me.
292 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v
Ran. Why, such an one there is, perhaps she may
dwindle forty or fifty years or so but will never be
her own Woman again, that's certain.
Sure. This we are all ready to testify, we know her.
Chris. Upon my Life, 'tis true.
Dar. Widow, I have a shreud Suspicion, that you your
self may be this dying Lady.
Ran. Why so, Coxcomb ?
Dar. Because you took such Pains to put your self
into my hands.
Ran. Gad, if your Heart were but half so true as your
Guess, we should conclude a Peace before Bacon and the
Council will besides, this thing whines for Friendly,
and there's no hopes. [To Chrisante.
Dar. Give me thy Hand, Widow, I am thine and so
entirely, I will never be drunk out of thy Company :
Dunce is in my Tent, prithee let's in and bind the
Bargain.
Ran. Nay, faith, let's see the Wars at an end first.
Dar. Nay, prithee take me in the humour, while thy
Breeches are on for I never lik'd thee half so well in
Petticoats.
Ran. Lead on, General, you give me good incourage-
ment to wear them. [Exeunt.
ACT v -
SCENE I. The Sevana in sight of the Camp ; the Moon rises.
Enter Friendly, Hazard and Boozer, and a Party of Men.
Friend. We are now in sight of the Tents.
Booz. Is not this a rash Attempt, Gentlemen, with so
small Force to set upon Bacon's whole Army ?
Haz. Oh, they are drunk with Victory and Wine;
there will be nought but revelling to night.
Friend. Would we could learn in what Quarter the
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 293
Ladies are lodg'd, for we have no other business but to
release them But hark who comes here?
Booz. Some Scouts, I fear, from the Enemy.
Enter Dull. Tim. Whim, and Whiff, creeping as in
the dark.
Friend. Let's shelter ourselves behind yonder Trees
lest we be surpriz'd.
Tim. Wou'd I were well at home Gad zoors, if e'er
you catch me a Cadeeing again, I'll be content to be set
in the fore-front of the Battle for Hawks-Meat.
Whim. Thou'rt afraid of every Bush.
Tim. Ay, and good reason too : Gad zoors, there may
be Rogues hid prithee, Major, do thou advance.
Dull. No, no, go on no matter of Ceremony in these
cases of running away. [ They advance.
Friend. They approach directly to us, we cannot escape
them their numbers are not great let us advance.
[They come up to them.
Tim. Oh ! I am annihilated.
Whiff. Some of Frightall's Scouts, we are lost Men.
[ They push each other foremost.
Friend. Who goes there ?
Whim. Oh, they'll give us no Quarter; 'twas long
of you, Cornet, that we ran away from our Colours.
Tim. Me 'twas the Major's Ambition here to make
himself a great Man with the Council again.
Dull. >Pox o' this Ambition, it has been the ruin of
many a gallant Fellow.
Whiff. If I get home again, the height of mine shall
be to top Tobacco ; would I'd some Brandy.
Tim. Gads zoors, would we had, 'tis the best Armour
against pear hum I hear no body now prithee
advance a little.
Whim. What, before a Horse-Officer?
Friend. Stand, on your Lives
294 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v
Tim. Oh, 'tis impossible I'm dead already.
Friend. What are ye ? speak or I'll shoot.
Whim. Friends to thee, who the Devil are we
Friends to ?
Tim. E'en who please you, Gad zoors.
Friend. Hah Gad zoors who's there, Timorous?
Tim. Hum I know no such Scoundrel \_Gets behind.
Dull. Hah that's Friendly* s Voice.
Friend. Right thine's that of Dullman who's with
you ?
Dull. Only Timorous, Wbimseyand Whiff, all valiantly
running away from the Arch-Rebel that took us Prisoners.
Haz. Can you inform us where the Ladies are lodg'd ?
Dull. In the hither Quarter, in Darings Tent ; you'll
know them by Lanthorns on every corner there was
never better time to surprize them for this day Daring's
married, and there's nothing but Dancing and Drinking.
Haz. Married ! to whom ?
Dull. That I ne'er enquir'd.
Friend. 'Tis to Chrisante, Friend and the Reward
of my Attempt is lost. Oh, I am mad, I'll fight away
my Life, and my Despair shall yet do greater Wonders,
than even my Love could animate me to. Let's part our
Men, and beset his Tents on both sides.
[Friendly goes out with a Party.
Haz. Come, Gentlemen, let's on
Whiff. On, Sir, we on, Sir?
Haz. Ay, you on, Sir to redeem the Ladies.
Whiff. Oh, Sir, I am going home for Money to redeem
my Nancy.
Whim. So am I, Sir.
Tim. I thank my Stars I am a Batchelor. Why,
what a Plague is a Wife ?
Haz. Will you march forward r
Dull. We have atchiev'd Honour enough already, in
having made our Campaign here [Looking big.
sc. i] THE WIDOW RANTER 295
Haz. 'Sdeath, but you shall go put them in the
front, and prick them on if they offer to turn back,
run them thro.
Tim. Oh, horrid
[ The Soldiers prick them on with their Swords.
Whiff. Oh, Nancy, thy Dream will yet come to pass.
Haz. Will you advance, Sir? [Pricks Whiff.
Whiff. Why, so we do, Sir ; the Devil's in these fight
ing Fellows. [Exeunt.
An Alarm at a distance.
Within. To Arms, to Arms, the Enemy's upon us.
\_A Noise of Fighting, after which enters Friendly with
his Party , retreating and fighting from Daring and
some Soldiers, Ranter fighting like a Fury by his side,
he putting her back in vain ; they fight out. Re-enter
Daring and Friendly all bloody. Several Soldiers
enter with Flambeaux.
Dar. Now, Sir what Injury have I ever done you,
that you should use this Treachery against me?
Friend. To take advantage any way in War, was
never counted Treachery and had I murder'd thee,
I had not paid thee half the Debt I owe thee.
Dar. You bleed too much to hold too long a Parley
come to my Tent, I'll take a charitable care of thee.
Friend. I scorn thy Courtesy, who against all the Laws
of Honour and of Justice, hast ravish'd innocent Ladies.
Dar. Sir, your upbraiding of my Honour shall never
make me forfeit it, or esteem you less Is there a Lady
here you have a Passion for ?
Friend. Yes, on a nobler score than thou darest own.
Dar. To let you see how you're mistaken, Sir, whoe'er
that Lady be whom you affect, I will resign, and give you
both your Freedoms.
Friend. Why, for this Courtesy, which shews thee
brave, in the next fight I'll save thy Life to quit the
Obligation.
296 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v
Dar. I thank you, Sir ; come to my Tent, and when
we've dressM your Wounds, and yielded up the Ladies,
I'll give you my Pass-port for your Safe-Conduct back,
and tell your Friends i'th' Town, we'll visit them i'th'
Morning.
Friend. They'll meet you on your way, Sir
Dar. Come, my young Soldier, now thou'st won my
Soul. [Exeunt.
[An Alarm beats: Enter at another Passage Boozer
with all the Ladies ; they pass over the Stage, while
Hazard and Downright beat back a Party of Soldiers.
Dull. Tim. Whim, and Whiff, prick* d on by their
Party to fight, lay about them like Madmen. Bacon,
Fearless and Daring come in, rescue their Men, and
fight out the other Party, some falling dead. Bacon,
Fearless and Daring return tired, with their Swords
drawn. Enter Soldier running.
Sold. Return, Sir, where your Sword will be more use
ful a Party of Indians, taking advantage of the Night,
have set fire on your Tents, and borne away the Queen.
Bac. Hah, the Queen ! By Heaven, this Victory shall
cost them dear ; come, let us fly to rescue her. [All go out.
SCENE II. Changes to Wellman's Tent.
Enter Wellman, Brag, Grubb, and Officers.
*Well. I cannot sleep, my Impatience is so great to
engage this haughty Enemy, before they have reposed
their weary Limbs Is not yon ruddy Light the Morn
ing's dawn ?
Brag. 'Tis, and please your Honour.
Well. Is there no News of Friendly yet, and Hazard?
Brag. Not yet 'tis thought they left the Camp to
night, with some design against the Enemy.
Well What Men have they ?
Brag. Only Boozer's Party, Sir.
sc. n] THE WIDOW RANTER 297
Well. I know they are brave, and mean to surprize me
with some handsome Action.
Enter Friendly.
Friend. I ask a thousand Pardons, Sir, for quitting the
Camp without your leave.
Well. Your conduct and your Courage cannot err ; I
see thou'st been in action by thy Blood.
Friend. Sir, I'm ashamed to own these slender Wounds,
since without more my luck was to be taken, while
Hazard did alone effect the Business, the rescuing of
the Ladies.
Well. How got ye Liberty ?
Friend. By Daring's Generosity, who sends ye word
he'll visit you this Morning.
Well. We are prepared to meet him.
Enter Down. Hazard, Ladies, Whim. Whiff, Dullman,
Tim. looking big. Well, embraces Down.
Well. My worthy Friend, how am I joyed to see you ?
Down. We owe our Liberties to these brave Youths,
who can do Wonders when they fight for Ladies.
Tim. With our assistance, Ladies.
Whim. For my part I'll not take it as I have done ;
Gad, I find, when I am damnable angry, I can beat both
Friend and Foe.
Whiff. When I fight for my Nancy here adsfish, I'm
a Dragon.
Mrs. Whiff. Lord, you need not have been so hasty.
Friend. Do not upbraid me with your Eyes, Chrisante ;
but let these Wounds assure you I endeavour'd to serve
you, though Hazard had the Honour on't.
Well. But, Ladies, we'll not expose you in the Camp,
a Party of our Men shall see you safely conducted to
Madam Surebvisi 'tis but a little Mile from our Camp.
Friend. Let me have that honour, Sir.
298 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v
Chris. No, I conjure you let your Wounds be dress'd ;
obey me if you love me, and Hazardshall conduct us home.
Well. He had the Toil, 'tis fit he have the Recompence.
Whiff. He the Toil, Sir ! what, did we stand for
Cyphers ?
Whim. The very appearance I made in the front of
the Battel, aw'd the Enemy.
Tim. Ay, ay, let the Enemy say how I maul'd 'em
but Gads zoors, I scorn to brag.
Well. Since you've regain'd your Honour so gloriously,
I restore you to your Commands you lost by your seeming
Cowardice.
Dull. Valour is not always in humour, Sir.
Well. Come, Gentlemen, since they've resolv'd to
engage us, let's set our Men in order to receive 'em.
\_Exeunt all but the four Justices.
Tim. Our Commissions again you must be bragging,
and see what comes on't; I was modest ye see, and said
nothing of my Prowess.
Whiff. What a Devil does the Colonel think we are
made of Iron, continually to be beat on the Anvil?
Whim. Look, Gentlemen, here's two Evils if we go
we are dead Men ; if we stay we are hang'd and that
will disorder my Cravat-string : therefore the least Evil
is to go and set a good Face on the Matter, as I do
[ Goes out singing. All exeunt.
SCENE III. A thick Wood.
Enter Queen dress 'd like an Indian Man, with a Bow in
her Hand, and Quiver at her Back ; Anaria her Confident
disguised so too-, and about a dozen Indians led by Cavaro.
Queen. I tremble yet, dost think we're safe, Cavaro ?
Cav. Madam, these Woods are intricate and vast, and
'twill be difficult to find us out or if they do, this Habit
will secure you from the fear of being taken.
sc. in] THE WIDOW RANTER 299
Queen. Dost think if Bacon find us, he will not know
me ? Alas, my Fears and Blushes will betray me.
Ana. 'Tis certain, Madam, if we stay we perish ; for
all the Wood's surrounded by the Conqueror.
Queen. Alas, 'tis better we should perish here, than
stay to expect the Violence of his Passion, to which my
Heart's too sensibly inclin'd.
Ana. Why do you not obey its Dictates then ? why
do you fly the Conqueror ?
Queen. Not fly not fly the Murderer of my Lord ?
Ana. What World, what Resolution can preserve you ?
and what he cannot gain by soft submission, Force will
at last o'ercome.
Queen. I wish there were in Nature one excuse, either
by Force or Reason to compel me : For Oh, Anaria
I adore this General ; take from my Soul a Truth
till now conceal'd at twelve Years old at the Pau-
womungian Court, I saw this Conqueror. I saw him
young and gay as new-born Spring, glorious and charming
as the Mid-day's Sun ; I watch'd his Looks, and listned
when he spoke, and thought him more than mortal.
Ana. He has a graceful Form.
Queen. At last a fatal Match concluded was between
my Lord and me ; I gave my Hand, but oh, how far
my Heart was from consenting, the angry Gods are
Witness.
Ana. 'Twas pity.
Queen. Twelve tedious Moons I pass'd in silent Lan-
guishment ; Honour endeavouring to destroy my Love,
but all in vain ; for still my Pain return'd whenever I
beheld my Conqueror ; but now when I consider him as
Murderer of my Lord [Fiercely.'] I sigh and wish
some other fatal Hand had given him his Death. But
now there's a necessity, I must be brave and overcome
my Heart ; What if I do? ah, whither shall I fly ? I have
no Amazonian Fire about me, all my Artillery is Sighs
300 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v
and Tears, the Earth my Bed, and Heaven my Canopy.
\Weeps. \_After Noise of Fighting.
Hah, we are surpriz'd ; Oh, whither shall I fly ? And
yet methinks a certain trembling Joy, spite of my Soul,
spite of my boasted Honour, runs shivering round my
Heart.
Enter an Indian.
Ind. Madam, your Out-guards are surpriz'd by Bacon,
who hews down all before him, and demands the Queen
with such a Voice, and Eyes so fierce and angry, he kills
us with his Looks.
Cav. Draw up your poison'd Arrows to the head, and
aim them at his Heart, sure some will hit.
Queen. Cruel Cavaro, wou'd 'twere fit for me to con
tradict thy Justice. [Aside.
Eac. \WithmJ\ The Queen, ye Slaves, give me the
Queen, and live !
He enters furiously ', beating back some Indians; Cavaro's
Party going to shoot, the Queen runs in.
Queen. Hold, hold, I do command ye.
[ Bacon flies on *em as they shoot and miss him, fights
like a Fury, and wounds the Queen in the Disorder;
beats them all out.
hold thy commanding Hand, and do not kill me, who
wou'd not hurt thee to regain my Kingdom
[He snatches her in his Arms, she reels.
Eac. Hah a Woman's Voice, what art thou ? Oh
my Fears !
Queen. Thy Hand has been too cruel to a Heart
whose Crime was only tender Thoughts for thee.
Eac. The Queen ! What is't my sacrilegious Hand
has done !
Queen. The noblest Office of a gallant Friend, thou'st
sav'd my Honour, and hast given me Death.
Eac. Is't possible ! ye unregarding Gods, is't possible?
sc. in] THE WIDOW RANTER 301
Queen. Now I may love you without Infamy, and
please my dying Heart by gazing on you.
Bac. Oh, I am lost for ever lost I find my Brain
turn with the wild confusion.
Queen. I faint oh, lay me gently on the Earth.
[Lays her down.
Bac. Who waits [Turns in Rage to his Men.
Make of the Trophies of the War a Pile, and set it all
on fire, that I may leap into consuming Flames while
all my Tents are burning round about me. [Wildly.
Oh thou dear Prize, for which alone I toiPd !
[ Weeps , and lies down by her.
Enter Fearless with his Sword drawn.
Fear. Hah, on the Earth how do you, Sir ?
Bac. What wou'dst thou ?
Fear. lVellmanvi\\\\ all the Forces he can gather, attacks
us even in our very Camp ; assist us, Sir, or all is lost.
Bac. Why, prithee let him make the World his Prize,
I have no business with the Trifle now ; it contains
nothing that's worth my care, since my fair Queen is
dead and by my hand.
Queen. So charming and obliging is thy Moan, that
I cou'd wish for Life to recompense it; but oh, Death
falls a ll C old upon my Heart, like Mildews on the
Blossoms.
Fear. By Heaven, Sir, this Love will ruin all rise,
rise, and save us yet.
Bac. Leave me, what e'er becomes of me lose not
thy share of Glory prithee leave me.
Queen. Alas, I fear thy Fate is drawing on, and I shall
shortly meet thee in the Clouds ; till then farewel
even Death is pleasing to me, while thus I find it in thy
Arms [Dies.
Bac. There ends my Race of Glory and of Life.
[An Alarm at distance continues a while.
THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v
/Bac. Hah Why should I idly whine away my Life,
/rice there are nobler ways to meet with Death ? Up, up,
and face him then Hark there's the Soldier's Knell
and all the Joys of Life with thee I bid farewel
[Goes out. The Indians bear off" the Body of the Queen.
The Alarm continues: Enter Downright, Wellman, and
others. Swords drawn.
Well. They fight like Men possest I did not think
to have found them so prepar'd.
Down. They've good Intelligence but where's the
Rebel?
Well. Sure he's not in the Fight ; Oh, that it were
my happy chance to meet him, that while our Men look
on, we might dispatch the business of the War Come,
let's fall in again, now we have taken breath.
[ They go out.
Enter Daring and Fearless hastily, with their Swords
drawn ; meet Whim. Whiff, with their Swords
drawn, running away.
Dar. How now, whither away? [In anger.
Whim. Hah, Daring here we are pursuing of the
Enemy, Sir ; stop us not in the pursuit of Glory.
[ Offers to go.
Dar. Stay ! I have not seen you in my Ranks to day.
Whiff. Lord, does your Honour take us for Starters ?
Fear. Yes, Sirrah, and believe you are now rubbing
off confess, or I'll run you through.
Whiff. Oh, mercy, Sir, mercy, we'll confess.
Whim. What will you confess? we were only going
behind yon Hedge to untruss a point ; that's all.
Whiff. Ay, your Honours will smell out the truth, if
you keep us here long.
Dar. Here, carry them Prisoners to my Tent.
[Ex. Soldiers with Whim, and Whiff.
sc. iv] THE WIDOW RANTER 303
Enter Ranter without a Hat, and Sword drawn,
Daring angrily goes the other way.
Ran. A pox of all ill luck, how came I to lose Daring
in the fight? Ha who's here? Dullman and Timorous
dead the Rogues are Counterfeits. I'll see what Move-
ables they have about them, all's lawful Prize in War.
[Takes their Money, Watches and Rings ; goes out.
Tim. What, rob the dead? why, what will this
villanous World come to ?
[ Clashing of Swords , just as they were going to rise.
Enter Hazard bringing in Ranter.
Haz. Thou cou'dst expect no other Fate, young Man;
thy Hands are yet too tender for a Sword.
Ran. Thou look'st like a good-natur'd Fellow, use me
civilly, and Daring shall ransom me.
Haz. Doubt not a generous Treatment. [They go out.
Dull. So the Coast is clear, I desire to move my
Quarters to some place of more safety
[They rise and go off.
Enter Wellman and Soldiers hastily.
Well. 'Twas this way Bacon fled.
Five hundred Pound for him who finds the Rebel. [Go out.
SCENE IV. Changes to another part of the Wood.
Enter Bacon and Fearless with their Swords drawn y
all bloody.
Bac. 'Tis just, ye Gods! that when ye took the Prize for
which I fought, Fortune and you should all abandon me.
Fear. Oh, fly, Sir, to some place of safe retreat, for
there's no mercy to be hop'd if taken. What will you
do? I know we are pursu'd, by Heaven, I will not die a
shameful Death.
Bac. Oh, they'll have pity on thy Youth and Bravery,
but I'm above their Pardon. [A noise is heard.
304 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v
Within. This way this way hay halloo.
Fear. Alas, Sir, we're undone I'll see which way they
take. [Exit.
Bac. So near ! Nay, then to my last shift.
[ Undoes the Pome/ of his Sword.
Come, my good Poison, like that of Hannibal ; long I
have born a noble Remedy for all the Ills of Life.
[Takes Poison.
I have too long surviv'd my Queen and Glory, those two
bright Stars that influenced my Life are set to all Eternity.
[Lies down.
Enter Fearless, runs to Bacon, and looks on his Sword.
Fear. Hah what have ye done ?
Bac. Secur'd my self from being a publick Spectacle
upon the common Theatre of Death.
Enter Daring and Soldiers.
Dar. Victory, Victory ! they fly, they fly, where's the
victorious General?
Fear. Here, taking his last Adieu.
Dar. Dying ! Then wither all the Laurels on my
Brows, for I shall never triumph more in War; where are
the Wounds?
Fear. From his own Hand, by what he carried here,
believing we had lost the Victory.
Bac. And is the Enemy put to flight, my Hero ?
[Grasps his Neck.
Dar. All routed Horse and Foot ; I plac'd an Ambush,
and while they were pursuing you, my Men fell on behind,
and won the day.
Bac. Thou almost makest me wish to live again, if I
cou'd live now fair Semernia's dead. But oh the baneful
Drug is just and kind, and hastens me away-ANow while
you are Victors, make a Peace with the English Council,
and never let Ambition, Love, or Interest, make you
sc. iv] THE WIDOW RANTER 305
forget, as I have done, your Duty and Allegiance O
Farewel a long Farewel [Dies embracing their Neckf.
Dar. So fell the Roman fiasstut. by tni'sfalcp
I < II. I -"
Enter Soldiers with Dunce, Tim. and Dullman.
Sold. An't please your Honour, we took these Men
running away.
Dar. Let 'em loose the Wars arc at an end, see where
the General lies that great-souFd Man, no private Body
e'er contained a nobler ; and he thatcou'd have conquered
all America, finds only here his scanty length of Earth.
Go, bear the Body to his own Pavilion
\_Soldiers go out with the Body.
though we are Conquerors we submit to treat, and yield
upon Condition : You, Mr. Dunce, shall bear our Articles
to the Council.
Dun. With Joy I will obey you.
Tim. Good General, let us be put in the Agreement.
Dar. You shall be obliged
[Ex. Dar. Dun. Dull, and Tim. as Fear, goes out a
Soldier meets him.
Sold. What does your Honour intend to do with Whimsey
and Whiff, who are condemn'd by a Council of War?
Enter Daring, Dullman, Tim. Fearless, and Officers.
Dar. You come too late, Gentlemen, to be put into
the Articles ; nor am I satisfy'd you're worthy of it.
Dull. Why, did not you, Sir, see us lie dead in the
Field ?
Dar. Yes, but I see no Wound about you.
Tim. We were stun'd with being knock'd down ;
Gads zoors, a Man may be kill'd with the but-end of a
Musquet, as soon as with the point of a Sword.
Enter Dunce.
Dun. The Council, Sir, wishes you Health and Hap
piness, and sends you these sign'd by their Hands
[Gives Papers.
IV X
306 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v
Dar. reads.
That you shall have a general Pardon for your self and
Friends; that you shall have all new Commissions, and
Daring to command as General ; that you shall have free
leave to inter your dead General in James Town. And to
ratify this, we will meet you at Madam Surelove's House,
which stands between the Armies, attended only by our Officers.
The Council's noble, and I'll wait upon them. [Exeunt.
SCENE V. A Grove near Madam Surelove's.
Enter Surelove weeping, Well. Chrisante, Mrs. Flirt,
Ranter as before, Down. Haz. Friend. Booz. Brag.
Well. How long, Madam, have you heard the News
of Col. Surelove's Death ?
Sure. By a Vessel last Night arriv'd.
Well. You shou'd not grieve when Men so old pay
their debt to Nature ; you are too fair not to have been
reserved for some young Lover's Arms.
Haz. I dare not speak, but give me leave to hope.
Sure. The way to oblige me to't, is never more to speak
to me of Love till I shall think it fit
[Wellman speaks to Down.
Well. Come, you shan't grant it 'tis a hopeful Youth.
Down. You are too much my Friend to be denied
Chrisante, do you love Friendly ? nay, do not blush till
you have done a fault, your loving him is none Here,
take her, young Man, and with her all my Fortune
when I am dead, Sirrah not a Groat before unless to
buy ye Baby-Clouts.
Friend. He merits not this Treasure, Sir, can wish for
more.
Enter Daring, Fearless, Dunce, Officers, and the rest,
they meet Well, and Down, who embrace 'em. Dull.
and Tim. stand.
Dar. Can you forgive us, Sir, our Disobedience ?
sc. v] THE WIDOW RANTER 307
Well. Your offering Peace while yet you might com
mand it, has made such kind impressions on us, that now
you may command your Propositions ; your Pardons are
all seaPd and new Commissions.
Dar. I'm not ambitious of that Honour, Sir, but in
obedience will accept your Goodness; but, Sir, I hear
I have a young Friend taken Prisoner by Captain Hazard^
whom I intreat you will render me.
Haz. Sir here I resign him to you. [Gives him Ran.
Ran. Faith, General, you left me but scurvily in Battle.
Dar. That was to see how well you cou'd shift for
your self; now I find you can bear the brunt of a Cam
paign, you are a fit Wife for a Soldier.
All. A Woman Ranter
Haz. Faith, Madam, I should have given you kinder
Quarter, if I had known my happiness.
Flirt. I have an humble Petition to you, Sir.
Sure. In which we all join.
Flirt. An't please you, Sir, Mr. Dunce has long made
Love to me, and on promise of Marriage has [Simpers.
Down. What has he, Mistress? What has he, Mrs. Flirt?
Flirt. Only been a little familiar with my Person, Sir
Well. Do you hear, Parson you must marry Mrs. Flirt.
Dun. How, Sir, a Man of my Coat, Sir, marry a
Brandy-monger ?
Well. Of your Calling you mean, a Farrier and no
Parson [Aside to him.
She'll leave her Trade, and spark it above all the Ladies at
Church : No more take her, and make her honest.
Enter Whim, and Whiff stript.
Chris. Bless me, what have we here ?
Whim. Why, an't like your Honours, we were taken
by the Enemy hah, Daring here, and Fearless?
Fear. How now, Gentlemen, were not you two con-
demn'd to be shot for running from your Colours.
308 THE WIDOW RANTER [ACT v, sc. v
Down. From your Colours !
Fear. Yes, Sir, they were both listed in my Regiment.
Down. Then we must hang them for deserting us.
Whim. So, out of the Frying Pan you know where,
Brother
Whiff. Ay, he that's born to be hang'd you know
the rest ; a Pox of these Proverbs.
Well. I know ye well you're all rank Cowards ; but
once more we forgive ye; your Places in the Council
shall be supplied by these Gentlemen of Senseand Honour.
The Governor when he comes, shall find the Country in
better hands than he expects to find it.
Whim. A very fair Discharge.
Whiff. I'm glad 'tis no worse, I'll home to my Nancy.
Dull. Have we expos'd our Lives and Fortunes for this?
Tim. Gad zoors, I never thriv'd since I was a States
man, left Planting, and fell to promising and lying; I'll
to my old Trade again, bask under the shade of my own
Tobacco, and drink my Punch in Peace.
Well. Come, my brave Youths, let all our Forces meet,
To make this Country happy, rich and great ;
Let scanted Europe see that we enjoy
Safer Repose, and larger Worlds, than they.
(309)
EPILOGUE.
GALLANTS^ you have so long been absent hence,
That you have almost cooled your Diligence :
For while we study or revive a Play,
You like good Husbands In the Country stay,
There frugally wear out your Summer-Suit, \
And in Prize Jerkin after Beagles toot,
Or in Mountero Caps at Pel-fares shoot : )
Nay, some are so obdurate in their Sin,
That they swear never to come up again ;
But all their charge of Clothes and Treat retrench.
To Gloves and Stockings for some Country- Wench.
Even they who in the Summer had Mishaps,
Send up to Town for Physick, for their Claps.
The Ladies too, are as resolv d as they, \
And having Debts unknown to them, they stay,
And with the gain of Cheese and Poultry pay. )
Even in their Visits, they from Banquets fall,
To entertain with Nuts and Bottle- Ale ;
And in Discourse with secrecy report
Stale News that past a Twelve-month since at Court.
Those of them who are most refined and gay,
Now learn the Songs of the last Summer's Play:
While the young Daughter does in private mourn
Her Love's in Town, and hopes not to return.
These Country-Grievances too great appear ;
But, cruel Ladies, we have greater here ;
You come not sharp, as you were wont, to Plays ;
But only on the first and second Days :
This made our Poet in his Visits look
What new strange Courses for your Time you took ^
EPILOGUE
And to his great regret he found too soon,
Basset and Ombre spent the Afternoon :
So that we cannot hope to see you here
Before the little Net-work Purse be clear.
Suppose you should have luck :
Yet sitting up so late as 1 am told,
You II lose in Beauty what you win in Gold $
And what each Lady of another says,
Will make you new Lampoons, and us new Plays.
THE YOUNGER BROTHER;
OR, THE AMOROUS JILT.
(3-3)
ARGUMENT.
MIRTILLA, the Amorous Jilt, who had once been attached to George
Marteen, the Younger Brother, married for a convenience the clownish
Sir Morgan Blunder. Prince Frederick, who had seen and fallen in love
with her during a religious ceremony in a Ghent convent, follows her to
England. They meet accidentally and she promises him a private interview.
George Marteen had recommended a page to Mirtilla, and the lad is his
sister Olivia in disguise. Mirtilla, although she falls in love with her
*smooth-chin'd boy', receives Prince Frederick, but the house wherein she
lodges catches fire that night, and it is George Marteen who, in spite of the
fact that he knows his friend the Prince is with her, procures a ladder and
rescues the lady at some danger to himself. The Prince is able to escape
by the same way, and he then carries Mirtilla to his own lodgings, where
feigning to be ill with fatigue and terror she begs her lover to leave her
to repose. This is done with the idea of entertaining her page, and on
Frederick's approach she conceals Olivia, who thus creeps off unseen,
beneath the train of her gown, whilst she herself retires with the amorous
Prince. None the less, Mirtilla still pursues Olivia, and eventually
Frederick discovers she is a wanton jilt, as he surprises her leading the page
to her bed. He is, however, reconciled when Mirtilla discovering to her
amaze that the lad is a woman reveals this fact to the Prince to confound
him, but afterwards avowing her frailty, throws herself on Frederick's gen
erosity. Olivia has been promised by her old father, Sir Rowland Marteen,
to Welborn, whom she has never seen. On meeting Wclborn she falls in
love with him, without knowing who he is, and he, also, whilst ignorant
of her name, is soon enamoured of her in turn. Prince Frederick lodges in
the same house as Welborn and it is hither that after the fire she attends
Mirtilla. Welborn, supposing her to be Mirtilla's page, out of kindness
offers her half his bed, which for fear of arousing suspicion she is bound to
accept. She slips away, however, before daybreak, leaving a letter for her
companion, by which he learns that the page is none other than the lady
whom he had seen in the Mall. Welborn and Olivia are eventually mar
ried. George Marteen's elder brother, Sir Merlin, a boon companion of
Sir Morgan Blunder, is a rakehelly dog, who leads a wild town life to the
great anger of old Sir Rowland. George, who whilst secretly leading a gay
life under the name of Lejerc, appears before his father as a demure and
sober young prentice, is designed for Lady Youthly, an ancient, toothless
crone, palsied and blind with extreme old age, whosegrand-daughter,Teretia,
is to be married to Sir Rowland himself. George, however, falls in love
with Teresia, who is also pursued by Sir Merlin, and finally weds her in
despite of his father, brother and the beldame. But Sir Rowland shortly
jelents and even forgives his eldest son, who has married Diana, the cast
offmistress of a gambler, whilst Lady Youthly is left to the tender consola
tions of her chaplain.
(3'4)
SOURCE.
The Younger Brother ; or, The Amorous Jilt was written (in great part at least)
by Mrs. Behn a good many years before her death, after which it was brought
on the stage under the auspices of Gildon, in 1696 ; and in the Epistle Dedi
catory he expressly says 'all the Alterations which I made were in the first
Act, in removing that old bustle about ffhigg and Tory (which was the
subject of most of the Second Scene) and placing the Character of a Rake-bell
in its room.' Mrs. Behn probably wrote the first Act sometime about the
years 1681-3, when there was a continual 'rout with Whigging and with
Torying', and afterwards completed the remainder at her leisure. In his
notice of this comedy Langbaine's editor (Gildon), who finds Mirtilla
'genteel', says that Astrea took a portion of the plot 'from a true story
of the brother of Col. Henry Martin, and a Lady that must be nameless.
See the Novel call'd HatigeS Hattige : or, the Amours of the King ofTamaran.
A Novel, by Gabriel de Bremond, was translated in 1680. (i2mo. For
Simon the African : Amsterdam. [R. Bentley? London.]) A biting satire
on Charles II and Lady Castlemaine, the tale is told with considerable spirit
and attained great vogue. Another edition was issued in 1683, and under
the title The Beautiful Turk it is to be found in A Select Collection of Novels
(1720 and 1729), Vol. III. This novel had first appeared anonymously at
Cologne in 1676 Hattige on la Belle Turque, qui contient ses amours avec le
rot Tamaran and Nodier in his Melanges d'une petite Bibliotheque describes
a 'clef. Hattige is, of course, Lady Castlemaine ; Tamaran, Charles II j
and the handsome Rajeb with whom the lady deceives the monarch, Jack
Churchill. It is a wanton little book, and at the time must have been irre
sistibly piquant. Beyond the likeness between the characters of Mirtilla
and Hattige the novel has, however, little in common with Mrs. Behn's
play. Gildon's comment is, of course, founded upon the passage in Oroonoko
which says : 'We met on the river with Colonel Martin, a man of great
gallantry, wit and goodness, and whom I have celebrated in a character of
my new comedy by his own name in memory of so brave a man.'
In D'Urfey's The Royalist, an excellent comedy produced at Dorset
Garden, 1682 (410, 1682), the author introduces a certain damsel Philippa,
who, disguised as a page, follows the loyal Sir Charles Kinglove with whom
she is enamoured. At the end of the second Act her boy's clothes involve
her in the same predicament as befalls Olivia in Act iv of The Tounger
Brother. Although Genest prefers Mrs. Behn's treatment of the situation,
it must, I think, be allowed that D'Urfey has managed the jest with far
greater verve and spirit. Honest Tom D'Urfey is in fact one of the least
read and most maligned of all our dramatists. He had the merriest comic
gifts, and perhaps when the critics and literary historians deign to read his
plays he will attain a higher position in our theatrical libraries.
Some critics have suggested that D'Urfey, in his The Intrigues at
Versailles, produced at Lincoln's Inn Fields, 1697, may have taken a hint
THEATRICAL HISTORY 315
from Mrs. Behn's Mirtilla, and Wycherley's Olivia (The Plain Dealer) for
his 'Madame de Vandosme a right jilt in all humours', a role created by
Mrs. Barry. There is indeed some resemblance between all these three
characters, base heartless coquettes; and D'Urfey, in making his jilt prefer
Sir Blunder Bosse, *a dull sordid brute and mongrel, whose humour is to
call everybody by clownish names', to all her other gallants, seems not to
have forgotten Mirtilla's marriage with Sir Morgan Blunder. The very
names call attention to the plagiarism. The Intrigues at f^trsailles is none
the less a clever and witty comedy, but a little overcrowded with incident
and business.
THEATRICAL HISTORY.
As sufficiently explained by Gildon, under whose auspices this posthumous
play was produced at Drury Lane in 1696, The Tcungcr Brother , or, The
Amorous Jilt met with brutal treatment from the audience. There appears to
have been a faction, particularly in evidence at its first performance and on
the third day, who were steadfastly resolved to damn the comedy, and in
spite of fine acting and every advantage it was hissed from the boards.
Gildon attributes the failure to *the tedious Scenes in Blank Verse be
twixt Mirtilla and Prince Frederick' which he thinks demanded 'another
more easy Dress,' but, in truth, it can only be attributed to the most ver-
juiced spite and personal malice. The plot, though somewhat complicated
with perhaps a press of crowding incidents, is none the less highly interest
ing, and the characters are most of them excellently, all well, drawn and
sustained. The fact that certain episodes had to be cut in representation
in order to bring the comedy within a reasonable time limit, though it may
have tended to obscure the connection of the intrigue, could not have
insured in spite of its many real merits so absolute a doom for the much
maltreated play, a sentence which seems to have wantonly precluded any
revival.
THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY
TO
Collonel Codrington.
THE unjust Sentence this Play met with before very partial Judges in the
Acting, will, I'm pretty sure, be revers'd by the more unprejudiced Readers,
and it's evident, Merit will exert itself so far, as to justify my Presumption
in Dedicating it, notwithstanding its small success, to you, Sir, for whom
I must always profess the highest Esteem and Value, sprung from that
Nobleness of your Nature that takes a God-like Delight in redressing the
Misfortunes of 'em, more than fly to you for their unhappiness ; a generous
Soul indeed, never gives a greater Proof of her Excellence, than in her
Protection of the Unfortunate ; for tho suffering Merit challenges a Regard
from all, yet it meets with it from none but such as you, Sir, who are so
Eminent for that Vertue, which more than all the rest, commands the
Esteem and Veneration of the Thinking World, your Generosity I mean,
Sir, which gives the most Perfect Touches of that likeness, man can have
to his Almighty Original ; for those are but scurvey awkard Copies of Him
that want it. 'Tis, I may say, the very Essence of God, Who with our
Beings, dispenses the grateful Knowledge of Himself in the Benefits He
bestows.
The narrow Virtues of the Old Philosophers, [which] were rather Vices,
if winnow'd well, form'd to gratify their Proud, Lazy, Superiority, at the
Expence of all the Publick Duties incumbent on mankind, whom they
pretend to Purge from his Passions, to make him happy, by that means to
amuse our Curiosity with Chymera's, whilst we lost our real Good, will
still naturally flow from those Springs of Pleasure, Honour, Glory, and
Noble Actions, the Passions given us by Heaven for our common Good.
But their own Practice generally shew'd the Vanity of their Emperic Boasts,
when they Buried all the Nobler Pleasures of the Mind in Avarice, and
Pedantick Pride, as Lucian has pleasantly made out in Hermofimus.
Those Notional Excellencies that divert us from, or weaken a Publick
Spirit, are always False and Hypocritical, that under a gaudy out-side con
ceals a rotten Carcass, full of Infectious Distempers that destroy the noblest
end of our Being, The doing good to one another. Vanity has always been
the Refuge of little Souls, that place their Value in a False Greatness,
Hyppocrisie, and great Titles. What a seeming Holiness does for the
DEDICATORY EPISTLE 317
Avaritious, Designing Saint ; Titles do for the proud Avarice of the mccr
Man of Quality, cheaply Purchasing a Respect from the many ; but 'tis the
Generous man only that fixes himself in the Hearts of the most valuable
part of mankind, when proper Merit only is csteem'd, and the Man, not
his Equipage, and Accidental Appurtenances respected.
The Application of this, I shall leave to all that know you, Sir, who
are all sensible what Virtues you make your Darlings, and choice of Virtue
shews the Nobleness of our Temper, as much as Choice of Friends, the
degrees of our Understandings; and if that be true that most Men choose
those Virtues which are nearest a-kin to their Darling Vices, I'm sure
'twill be a strong proof, that cv'n your Failings (for cv'ry Man has his
share of them too) arc more Beneficial to the world than the Vertucs of a
numerous part of Mankind. In Colloncl Codrington indeed, we find the
true Spirit and Bravery of old Rome, that despises all dangers, that in the
Race of Glory thou art the Noble Chace. Nor can the manly Roughness
of your Martial Temper (Fierce to none but your Countries Foes) destroy
that ingaging sweetness your agreeable Conversation abounds with, which
heightened with so large a share of Wit, Learning, and Judgment, improves
as well as delights; so that to have known you any way, must give us some
advantage or other. This it was that cncourag'd me to dedicate this Play,
Sir, to you, of which I may venture to say more, and with more assurance,
than if it had been my own.
Mrs. BEHN was a Woman so Accomplish'd, and of so Establish'd
a Fame among the Men of Sense, that I cou'd not suppose a very severe
treatment from the Town, which has been very indulgent to the Per
formances of others ; especially when, besides the Reputation of the Author^
the Play itself had an Intrinsic Merit; for we find it full of Humour,
Wit, and Variety ; the Conversation Gay and Genteel, the Love Soft and
Pathetic, the incidents Natural, and Easy, and the Conduct of the Plot
very Justifiable. So that I may reasonably impute its miscarriage to some
Faction that was made against it, which indeed was very Evident on the
First day, and more on the endeavours employed, to render the Profits of
the Third, as small as could be.
It suffer' d not, I'm sure, in the Action, nor in Mr. yerbruggeni
reading of some of his Part, since he lost nothing of the Force of Elocu
tion, nor Gracefulness of Action ; nor indeed can I, with Justice to my
self, impute it to any part that I ventur'd to add to the Original ; for all
the Alterations which I made were in the first Act, in removing that old
bustle about Wbigg and Tory, (which was the Subject of most of the Second
Scene) and placing the Character of a Rake-bell in its room, which was to
little, that it could not Influence a more Capricious Audience, to the
3i 8 DEDICATORY EPISTLE
Damning of the whole. There might indeed be some objections about the
Plotj but not very Rational, I think; I'm sure, at least, 'tis the first Play,
for some Years, could be quarrell'd at for having too much Plot. In the
Edition however I have put in a great deal, which the length of the Play
oblig'd me to cut out for the Action.
Here, Sir, if the Play had been my own, I should have complain'd that
the Town had its favourite Fools, as well as favourite Wits, and that
Comedy or Farce from any other hand wou'd no more go down with
them, than their favourites will with true Judges that read, not see 'em.
I should have had indignation enough, perhaps, to've rail'd at the Criticks
of all Degrees, and Denominations of Box and Pit, nay, Galleries too, and
told 'em that they were so conceited of their own Wit, that they cou'd
take no pleasure in hearing that of another, or that Wit in a Play seeming
to affront the Parts of the Audience, they suffer'd their Resentment to
destroy their Satisfaction. This, and a great many other Satyrical Reflec
tions, which are natural for a Disappointed Poet to make, I shou'd then
have vented ; but being satisfy'd, that the Reputation of Mrs. BEHN is
not affected by the malicious Endeavours of some of my Enemies, I now
present it under your Patronage, Sir, to the more competent Judges ;
Proud of the Opportunity of Offering you an occasion of so agreeable a
Province, as the Protection of the unfortunate, and letting the World
know how much I am, Sir,
Your Humble Servant,
CH. GILDON.
THE YOUNGER BROTHER;
or, The Amorous Jilt.
PROLOGUE,
By an unknown Hand.
Spoke by Mr. Powell.
AS Rivals of each other jealous prove.
And both strive which shall gain the Ladys Love,
So we for your Affections daily vie :
Not an Intriguer in the Gallery
(Who squeezes hand 0/*Phillis masked, that stood
Ogling for Sale, in Velvet Scarf and Hood)
Can with more Passion his dear Nymph pursue,
Than we to make Diversion fit for you.
Grant we may please, and we've our utmost Aim,
'Tis to your Favour only we lay claim.
In what can we oblige ? Coud we present you
With Mistress young, and safe, it woud content you ;
Then Husbands, weary* d out luith Spouse alone,
And hen-pecked Keepers that drudge on with one,
I fancy hither wou'd in Crouds resort ,
As thick as Men for Offices to Court :
Who'd stay behind? the Beau above Threescore,
Woifd hobble on, and gape for one bit more ;
Men of all Stations, from the Nobles, down
To grave Sir Roger in his Cap and Gown,
Wou'd hither come. But we some time must take,
E'er we a Project of such moment make ;
Since that 9 s laid by, for your Diversion then,
We do invite the Brothers of the Pen ;
320 PROLOGUE
The Courtier, Lawyer, Soldier, Player too,
Wit n'er had more Encouragement than now ;
Though free, or Aliens to our Stage, we take 9 em,
Not kick 'em out, but native Subjects make 'em.
The Ladies too are always welcome here,
Let 'em in Writing or in Box appear.
To that fair Sex we are obliged to day,
Oh ! then be kind to a poor Orphan-Play,
Whose Parent while she liv d obliged you all ;
You praised her living, and you mourn d her Fall.
Who cou'd, like her, our softer Passions move,
The Life of Humour, and the Soul of Love?
Wit's eldest Sister ; thro-out every Line,
Tou might perceive some Female Graces shine.
For poor Astrea's Infant we implore,
Let it then live, though she is now no more.
(320
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
MEN.
Prince Frederick, Mr. Vcrbruggtn.
Sir Rowland Martcen, Mr. Jobnion.
George Mar teen, Mr. Poivtll.
Mr. Wei born, Mr. H or Jen.
Sir Merlin Marteen, Mr. Pinketbman.
Sir Morgan Blunder, Mr. Bullock.
Mr. Twang, Mr. Smeaton.
Britton, Mr. four.
WOMEN.
Mirtilla, Mrs. Knight.
Olivia, Mrs. fcrbruggen.
Teresia, Mrs. Trm/.^.
Lady Blunder, Mrs. Powr//.
Mrs. Manage, Mrs. Jf/7/.
Lady Youtbley, Mrs. Harrit.
Diana.
Constable and Watch, Pages, Footmen, Masquerades,
Servants, Rakehells, &c.
IV
322 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT i
ACT I.
SCENE I. A Chamber.
Enter George Marteen, in a rich Riding Habit, with his
Valet Britton.
Geo. Were you with Mrs. Manage, Britton ?
Britt. Yes, Sir ; and she cries as much for her wanting
room for you in her House, as she would have done some
forty Years ago for a Disappointment of her Lover. But
she assures me, the Lodging she has taken for you, is the
best in all Lincolns-Inn-Fields.
Geo. And did you charge her to send MirtHta's Page
to me?
Britt. I did, Sir ; and he'll be with you instantly.
Geo. 'Tis well Then shall I hear some News of my
Mirtilla. [Aside.
Britton, haste thee, and get my Equipage in order; a
handsome Coach, rich Liveries, and more Footmen : for
'tis Appearance only passes in the World And d'ye
hear, take care none know me by any other Name than
that of Lejere.
Britt. I shall, Sir. [Exit.
Geo. I came not from Paris into England, as my old
Father thinks, to reform into a dull wretched Life in
Wales. No, I'll rather trust my kind Mistress Fortune,
that has still kept me like her Darling, than purchase
a younger Brother's narrow Stipend, at the expence of
my Pleasure and Happiness.
Enter Olivia in a Page's Habit. She runs and
embraces George.
Oliv. My ever charming Brother !
Geo. My best, my dear Olivia!
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 323
Oliv. The same lovely Man still ! Thy Gallantry and
Beauty's all thy own ; Paris could add no Graces to thy
Air; nor yet pervert it into Affectation.
Geo. Spare me, and tell me how Mirtllla fares.
Oliv. I think, Brother, I writ you word to Paris, of
a Marriage concluded betwixt me and JVelborn ?
Geo. That Letter I recciv'd : but from the dear Mirtllla,
not one soft word ; not one tender Line has blest my
Eyes, has eas'd my panting Heart this tedious three
Months space; and thou with whom I left the weighty
Charge of her dear Heart, to watch her lovely Eyes, to
give me notice when my Rivals press'd, and when she
wavcr'd in her Faith to me, even thou wcrt silent to me,
cruel Sister.
Oliv. Thou wilt be like a Lover presently, and tire
the Hearer with a Book of Words, of heavy Sighs, dying
Languishmcnts, and all that huddle of Nonsense; and
not tell me how you like my Marriage.
Geo. If^elborn^s my Friend, and worthy of thy Heart.
Oliv. I never saw him yet; and to be sold unseen,
and unsigh'd for, in the Flower of my Youth and Beauty,
gives me a strange aversion to the Match.
Geo. Oh ! you'll like him when you see him But
my Mirtllla.
Oliv. Like him no, no, I never shall what, come
a Stranger to my Husband's Bed ? 'Tis Prostitution in the
leudest manner, without the Satisfaction ; the Pleasure
of Variety, and the Bait of Profit, may make a lame excuse
for Whores, who change their Cullies, and quit their
nauseous Fools No, no, my Brother, when Parents
grow arbitrary, 'tis time we look into our Rights and
Privileges ; therefore, my dear George, if e'er thou hope
for Happiness in Love, assist my Disobedience.
Geo. In any worthy Choice be sure of me ; but canst
thou wish Happiness in Love, and not inform me some
thing of Mirtllla ?
324 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT i
Oliv. I'll tell you better News our hopeful elder
Brother, Sir Merlin, is like to be disinherited ; for he is,
Heaven be thanked
Geo. Marry'd to some Town-Jilt, the common fate
of Coxcombs.
Oliv. Not so, my dear George, but sets up for a
celebrated Rake-hell, as well as Gamester ; he cou'd not
have found out a more dextrous way to have made thee
Heir to four Thousand Pounds a Year.
Geo. What's that without Mirtilla ?
Oliv. Prithee no more of her Love spoils a fine
Gentleman: Gaming, Whoring and Fighting may qualify
a Man for Conversation ; but Love perverts all one's
Thoughts, and makes us fit Company for none but one's
self; for even a Mistress can scarce dispense with a figh-
ingj whining Lover's Company long, though all he says
flatters her Pride.
Geo. Why dost thou trifle with me, when thou knowest
the Violence of my Love ?
Oliv. I wish I could any way divert your Thoughts
from her, I would not have your Joy depend on such
a fickle Creature.
Geo. Mirtilla false ! What, my Mirtilla false !
Oliv. Even your Mirtilla' s false, and married to another.
Geo. Married ! Mirtilla married ! 'Tis impossible.
Oliv. Nay, married to that bawling, drinking Fool,
Sir Morgan Blunder.
Geo. Married, and married to Sir Morgan Blunder!
a Sot, an ill-bred senseless Fool ; almost too great a Fool
to make a Country Justice ?
Oliv. No doubt, she had her Aims in't, he's a very
convenient Husband, I'll assure you, and that suits her
Temper : he has Estate and Folly enough, and she has
Youth and Wantonness enough to match 'em.
Geo. Her Choice gives me some Comfort, and some
Hopes ; for I'll pursue her, but for Revenge, not Love.
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 325
Oliv. Forget her rather, for she's not worth Revenge,
and that way 'twill be none; prostitute in Soul as Body,
she doats even on me in Breeches.
Geo. On thee, her Page ? doat on thee, a Youth ! she
knew thee not as Woman.
Oliv. No, that Secret I have kept to do you Service.
At first she said she lov'd me for your sake, because you
recommended me; and when I sung, or plaid upon my
Flute, wou'd kiss my Cheek, and sigh, and often (when
alone) wou'd send for me, and smile, and talk, and set
my Hair in Curls, to make me saucy and familiar with
her. One Day she said, Endimion, ihy Name-sake was
thus caress'd by Cynthia : A Goddess did not scorn the
humble Swain, whom by her Love she equal'd to her
Deity. She found that I had Sense to understand her,
and paid her Advances back with equal Ardour.
Geo. Oh, Curse ! where learnt she all this Wickedness?
[Aside.
Oliv. But she being oblig'd to go for Flanders^ to see
her Sister take the holy Habit, I feign'd a Sickness to be
left behind, hoping that Absence might abate her Flame ;
yet she return'd more amorous, and fearing the Thefts of
Love might wound her Honour, she thought a Husband
would secure that Shame; and luckily my Aunt arriv'd
from Wales, and brought Sir Morgan with her, who
lodging where we did, at Mrs. Managers, my Aunt (that
doats on Quality in either Sex) made up this hasty Match,
unknown to me, though for my sake.
Geo. What will not faithless Woman do, when she is
raging ?
Oliv. And now having so well prepar'd the way, she
grows impatient for an Opportunity ; and thou art arriv'd,
most happily to succour me.
Gee. No, for some days keep this habit on, it may be
useful to us ; but I must see this faithless perjur'd Woman,
which I must contrive with Mrs. Manage.
326 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT i
Oliv. Yet pray resolve to see my Father first ; for
now's the critical time to make thy Fortune : he came to
Town last night, and lodges here at Mrs. Manage '5, with
my Aunt Blunder.
Geo. What, in the House with thee, and not know
thee ?
Oliv. No more than a Priest Compassion ; he thinks
me at Hackney, making Wax Babies, where he intends
to visit me within these three days, But I forgot to tell
you, our Brother, Sir Merlin, lodges in this House with
you ; and shou'd he know you
Geo. 'Tis impossible I've not see him, or my Father,
these five Years. Absence, my Growth, and this unex
pected Equipage, will not be penetrated by his Capacity.
Oliv. True, he'll never look for his Brother George, in
the Gallantry and Person of Monsieur Lejere My good
Father expects you home, like the prodigal Son, all torn
and tatter'd, and as penitent too.
Geo. To plod on here, in a laborious Cheating, all my
Youth and Vigour, in hopes of drunken Pleasures when
I'm old ; or else go with him into Wales, and there lead
a thoughtless Life, hunt, and drink, and make love to
none but Chamber-maids. No, my Olivia, I'll use the
sprightly Runnings of my Life, and not hope distant
Pleasures from its Dregs.
Oliv. For that, use your Discretion ; now equip your
self to your present Business; the more simply you are
clad and look, the better. I'll home and expect you. [Exit.
Geo. Do so, my good Sister ; a little formal Hypocrisy
may do, 'twill relish after Liberty; for a Pleasure is
never so well tasted, as when it's season'd with some
Opposition.
Enter Britton.
Britt. Sir, I've News to tell you, will surprize you ;
Prince Frederick is arriv'd.
Geo. Is't possible ? I left him going for Flanders.
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 327
Britt. Passing by our Door, and seeing your Livery,
he enquir'd for you; and finding you here, alighted just
now. But see, Sir, he's here.
Enter Prince Frederick ; they meet and embrace.
Geo. My Life's Preserver, welcome to my Arms as
Health to sick Men.
Prince. And thou to mine as the kind Mistress to the
longing Lover ; my Soul's Delight, and Darling of the
Fair.
Geo. Ah Prince ! you touch my bleeding Wound.
Prince. Ha, Lejerel leave to unhappy Lovers those
Sighs, those folded Arms, and down-cast Eyes.
Geo. Then they are fit for me ; my Mistress, Sir, that
Treasure of my Life, for whom you've heard me sigh, is
perjur'd, false, and married to another. Yet what is
worse, I find my Prince, my Friend, here in my native
Country, and am not able to pay him what his Greatness
merits.
Prince. You pain me when you compliment my Friend
ship. [Embracing.
Geo. Perhaps you will not think me worth this Honour,
when you shall hear my Story.
Prince. Thou canst say nothing I can value less.
Geo. Perhaps too my way of Living has deceiv'd you,
being still receiv'd by Princes, as Companions in all their
Riots, Loves, and Divertisements; where ev'n you did
me the Honour to esteem, and call me Friend.
Prince. Whate'er thou art, I'm sure thy Mind's illus
trious.
Geo. My Family, I must confess, is honourable ; but,
Sir, my Father was the younger House, of which my
unhappy self was destin'd to be last : I'm a Cadet , that
Out-cast of my Family, and born to that curse of our old
English Custom. Whereas in other Countries, younger
Brothers are train'd up to the Exercise of Arms, where
328 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT i
Honour and Renown attend the Brave ; we basely bind
our youngest out to Slavery, to lazy Trades, idly confin'd
to Shops or Merchants Books, debasing of the Spirit to
the mean Cunning, how to cheat and chaffer.
Prince. A Custom insupportable !
Geo. To this, to this low wretchedness of Life, your
Servant, Sir was destin'd by his Parents, and am yet
this bound indentur'd Slave.
Prince. Thou hast no cause to quarrel with thy Stars,
since Virtue is most valu'd when opprest Are all your
Merchants Apprentices thus gay?
Geo. Not all but, Sir, I could not bow my Mind to
this so necessary Drudgery ; and yet however, I assum'd
my native Temper, when out o'th' Trading City ; in it,
I forc'd my Nature to a dull slovenly Gravity, which well
enough deceiv'd the busy Block-heads ; my Clothes and
Equipage I lodg'd at this End of the Town, where I still
pass'd for something better than I was, whene'er I pleas'd
to change the Trader for the Gentleman.
Prince. And liv'd thus undiscovered
Geo. With Ease, still lov'd and courted by the Great,
ever play'd high with those durst venture most ; and durst
make Love where'er my Fancy lik'd : but sometimes
running out my Master's Cash, (which was supply'd still
by my Father) they sent me, to reform my expensive Life,
a Factor, into France still I essay 'd to be a plodding
Thriver, but found my Parts not form'd for dirty Business.
Prince. There's not a Thought, an Action of thy Soul,
that does not tend to something far more glorious.
Geo. If yet you think me worthy of your Favour,
command that Life you have so oft preserv'd.
Prince. No more ; Thou hast increas'd my Value for
thee. Oh ! take my Heart, and see how't has been us'd
by a fair Charmer, since I saw thee last That sullen
day we parted, you for England, you may remember
I design 'd for Flanders.
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 329
Geo. I do, with Melancholy, Sir, remember it.
Prince. ArrivM at Ghent, I went to see an English Nun
initiated, where I beheld the pretty Innocent, delivered
up a Victim to foolish Chastity ; but among the Relations,
then attending the Sacrifice, was a fair Sister of the young
Votress, but so surpassing all Tad seen before, that I
neglecting the dull holy Business, paid my Devotion to
that kneeling Saint.
Geo. That was the nearest way to Heaven, my Lord.
Prince. Her Face, that had a thousand Charms of
Youth, was heightened with an Air of Languishment ;
a lovely Sorrow dwelt upon her Eyes, that taught my
new-born-Passion Awe and Reverence.
Geo. This Description of her fires me. [dside.
Prince. Her dimpFd Mouth, her Neck, her Hand, her
Hair, a Majesty and Grace in every Motion, com plea ted
my Undoing; I rav'd, I burnt, I languished with Desire,
the holy Place cou'd scarce contain my Madness: with
Pain, with Torture, I restrain'd my Passion when she
retir'd, led sadly from the Altar. I, mixing with the
Croud, enquir'd her Name and Country ; her Servant told
me, that she was of Quality, and liv'd in England, nay,
in this very Town : this gave me Anguish not to be con-
ceiv'd, till I resolv'd to follow her, which is the cause
you find me here so soon. Thy Aid, thy Aid, Lejere, or
I am lost.
Geo. I wish to live no longer than to serve your High
ness : if she be, Sir, a Maid of Quality, I shall soon find
her out, and then you'll easily conquer. You've all the
Youth, and Beauty, that can charm ; and what gains
most upon a Woman's Heart, you've a powerful Title,
Sir, a sort of Philter, that ne'er fails to win. But you've
not told me yet the Lady's Name.
Prince. I had forgot that ; 'Tis in these Tablets writ
ten : [Gives him the Tablets.
I'm now in haste, going to receive some Bills : I lodge
330 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT i
at Welborns^ who came over with me, being sent for to
be marry'd.
Geo. I know the House, 'tis in Southampton-Square:
I'll wait upon your Highness [Exit Prince.
Let me see Daughter to a deceas'd Lord ; a Maid, and
no Dowry, but Beauty ; living in Lincoln 9 s-Inn-Fields.
[Opening the Tablets, reads.
Ha! her Name Mirtilla! Mirtilla! [Pauses.
Prince, thou hast paid thyself for all the Favours done
me. Mirtilla! [Pauses.
Why, yes, Mirtilla! He takes but what she has given
away already.
Oh ! damn her, she has broke her Faith, her Vows, and
is no longer mine And thou'rt my Friend.
[Pauses again.
Mirtilla's but my Mistress, and has taken all the Repose
of my poor Life away Yes, let him take her, I'll resign
her to him ; and therefore shut my Eyes against her
Charms : fix her Inconstancy about my Heart, and scorn
whatever she can give me. [Exit.
SCENE II. A Chamber.
Enter Sir Morgan Blunder in a Night-Gown and Cap ;
to him Manage with a Caudle.
Man. Your Lady Mother has sent you a Caudle, Sir.
Sir Morg. Good Mrs. Manage, remember my kind
Love to my Lady Mother, and tell her, I thank her for
her Posset, but never eat in a Morning after hard drinking
over night.
Man. Ah, Sir, but now you're marry'd to a fine Lady,
you ought to make much of your self.
Sir Morg. Good Madam, as little of your Matrimony
as of your Caudle ; my Stomach is plaguy squeamish, and
a hair of the old Dog's worth both of 'em. Oh ! sick !
sick!
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 331
Enter Sir Merlin, singing a Song in praise of a Rake-
heirs Life.
A SONG.
The Town-Rake ; written by Mr. Motteux.
I.
WHAT Life can compare with the jolly Town- Rakers,
When in Youth his full Swing of all Pleasure he takes?
At Noon, he gets up, for a ffhet, and to dine,
And wings the dull Hours with Mirth, Mustek and Wine ;
Then jogs to the Play-house, and chats with the Afash,
And thence to the Rose, where he takes his three Flasks.
There, great as a Caesar, he revels, when drunk,
And scours all he meets, as he reels to his Punk ;
Then finds the dear Girl in his Arms when he wakes.
What Life can compare with the Jolly Town-Rake's ?
II.
He, like the Great Turk, has his Favourite She ;
But the Towns his Seraglio, and still he lives free.
Sometimes she's a Lady ; but as he must range,
Black-Betty, or Oyster-Doll, serves for a Change.
As he varies his Sports, his whole Life is a Feast ;
He thinks him thafs soberest the most like a Beast.
At Houses of Pleasure breaks Windows and Doors ;
Kicks Bullies and Cullies, then lies with their Whores.
Rare work for the Surgeon, and Midwife he makes.
What Life can compare with the Jolly Town-Rake's ?
III.
Thus in Covent-Garden he makes his Campaign,
And no Coffee-house haunts, but to settle his Brain.
He laughs at dry Morals, and never does think.
Unless 'tis to get the best Wenches and Drink.
He dwells in a Tavern, and lies evry where,
And improving his hours, lives an Age in a Tear :
332 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT i
For as Life is uncertain, be loves to make haste ,
And thus he lives longest, because he lives fast :
Then a Leap in the dark to the Devil he takes.
What Death can compare with the Jolly Town-Rake's ?
Sir Mer. Why, how now, Sir Morgan, I see you'll
make a Husband of the right Town-Mode : What,
married but four Days, and at your separate Apartment
already ?
Sir Morg. A Plague of your what d'ye call urns.
Sir Mer. Rakehells you would say, Cousin, an honour
able Appellation for Men of Bravery.
Sir Morg. Ay, ay, your Rakehells I was never so
muddled with Treason, Tierce Claret, Oaths and Dice,
all the Days of my Life Was I in case to do Family
duty ? S'life, you drank down all my Love, all my
Prudence too ; Gad forgive me for it.
Sir Mer. Why, how the Devil cam'st thou to bear
thy Liquor so ill ? Ods my Life, you drunk like a French
man new come to the University.
Sir Morg. Pox, I can bear their drinking as well as any
Man ; but your London way of Bousing and Politics does
not agree with my Constitution. Look ye, Cousin, set
quietly to't, and I'll stand my ground ; but to have scream
ing Whores, noisy Bullies, rattling Dice, swearing and
cursing Gamesters, Couz. turns the Head of a Country-
Drinker, more than the Wine.
Sir Mer. Oh ! Use, Cousin, will make an able Man.
Sir Morg. Use, Cousin ! Use me no Uses; for if ever
you catch me at your damn'd Clubs again, I'll give you
my Mother for a Maid : Why, you talk downright Treason.
Sir Mer. Treason, ay
^u Morg. Ah Cousin, why, we talk'd enough to
hang us all.
Sir Mer. My honest Country-Couz. when wilt thou
understand the Guelphs, and the Gibelins, and learn to
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 333
talk Treason o' this side the Law ? bilk a Whore without
remorse ; break Windows, and not pay for 'em ; drink
your Bottle without asking Questions; kill your Man
without letting him draw; play away your Money without
fear of your Spouse, and stop her Mouth by undermining
her Nose ?
Sir Morg. Come, come, look you, Cousin, one word of
Advice now I'm sober ; what the Devil should provoke
thee and me to put ourselves on our twelve Godfathers
for a Frolick? We who have Estates. I shou'd be loth
to leave the World with a scurvy Song, composed by the
Poet Sternhold.
Enter at the Door Sir Rowland, hearkning.
Or why, d'ye see, shou'd I expose my Noddle to the
Billmen in Flannel, and lie in the Roundhouse, when
I may go to bed in a whole skin with my Lady Wife?
Sir Mer. Gad, Sir Morgan, thoti hast sometimes pretty
smart satirical Touches with thce ; use but J^ilTs Coffee
house a little, and with thy Estate, and that Talent, thou
mayst set up for a Wit.
Sir Morg. Mercy upon me, Sir Merlin, thou art stark
mad : What, I a Wit ! I had rather be one of your Rake-
hells : for, look ye, a Man may swear and stare, or so ;
break Windows, and Drawers Heads, or so ; unrig a
needy Whore, and yet keep one's Estate : but should I
turn Wit, 'twere impossible ; for a Wit with an Estate
is like a Prisoner among the Cannibals.
Sir Mer. How so, good Sir Morgan ?
Sir Morg. Why, the needy Rogues only feed him with
Praise, to fatten him for their Palates, and then devour him.
Sir Mer. I applaud your choice, Cousin ; for what
Man of Bravery wou'd not prefer a Rake to a Wit ? The
one enjoys the Pleasures the other can only rail at; and
that not out of Conscience, but Impotence : for alas !
a Wit has no quarrel to Vice in Perfection, but what the
334 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT i
Fox had to the Grapes ; he can't play away his hundred
Pound at sight; his Third Day won't afford it; and
therefore he rails at Gamesters; Whores shun him, as
much as Noblemen, and for the same cause, Money ;
those care not to sell their Carcases for a Sonnet, nor
these to scatter their Guineas, to be told an old Tale of
a Tub, they were so well acquainted with before.
Sir Morg. What's that, Sir Merlin ?
Sir Mer. Why, their Praise; for the Poet's Flattery
seldom reaches the Patron's Vanity ; and what's too
strong season'd for the rest of the World, is too weak for
their Palates.
Sir Morg. Why, look ye, Cousin, you're a shreud
Fellow: Whence learn'd you this Satire? for I'm sure
'tis none of thy own ; for I shou'd as soon suspect thee
guilty of good Nature, as Wit.
Sir Mer. I scorn it; and therefore I confess I stole the
Observation from a Poet; but the Devil pick his Bones
for diverting me from the noble Theme of Rakehells.
Sir Morg. Noble Theme, Sir Merlin! look ye, d'ye
see : Don't mistake me, I think 'tis a very scurvy one ;
and I wou'd not have your Father know that you set up
for such a Reprobate ; for Sir Rowland would certainly
disinherit thee.
Sir Mer. O, keep your musty Morals to your self, good
Country Couz; they'll do you service to your Welch
Criminals, for stealing an Hen, or breaking up a Wenches
Inclosure, or so, Sir Morgan ; but for me, I despise 'em :
I have not been admitted into the Family of the Rake-
hellorums for this, Sir : Let my Father drink old Adam,
read the Pilgrim's Progress, The Country Justice's Calling,
or for a Regale, drink the dull Manufacture of Malt and
Water ; I defy him ; he can't cut off the Entail of what
is settled on me : and for the rest, I'l trust Dame Fortune ;
and pray to the Three Fatal Sisters to cut his rotten
Thred in two, before he thinks of any such Wickedness.
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 335
Enter Sir Rowland in a great Rage.
Sir Row. Will you so, Sir ? Why, how now, Sirrah !
get you out of my House, Rogue ; get out of my Doors,
Rascal. [Beats him.
Enter Lady Blunder.
L. Blun. Upon my Honour now, Brother, what's the
matter? Whence this ungenerous Disturbance?
Sir Row. What's the matter ! the disturbance ! Why,
Sister, this Rogue here this unintelligible graceless
Rascal here, will needs set up for a Ralcehcll, when there's
scarce such a thing in the Nation, above an Ale-draper's
Son ; and chuses to be aukardly out of fashion, merely
for the sake of Tricking and Poverty; and keeps company
with the senseless, profane, lazy, idle, noisy, groveling
Rascals, purely for the sake of spending his Estate like a
notorious Blockhead : But I'll take care he shall not have
what I can dispose of You'll be a Rake-hell, will you?
L. Blun. How, Cousin ! Sure you'll not be such a filthy
beastly thing, will you?
SirMer. Lord, Aunt, I only go to the Club some
times, to improve my self in the Art of Living, and the
Accomplishments of a fine Gentleman.
Sir Row. A fine Gentleman, Sot, a fine Coxcomb !
[Beats him.
Sir Morg. Hold, hold, good Uncle; my Cousin has
been only drawn in, a little or so, d'ye see, being Heir
to a good Estate ; and that's what his Club wants, to
pay off old Tavern Scores, and buy Utensils for Whores
in Fashion.
Sir Row. My Estate sold to pay Tavern-Scores, and
keep nasty Whores !
L. Blun. Whores ! ay, filthy Creatures ; do they deal
in Whores? Pray, Cousin, what's a Rake-hell?
Sir Row. A Rake-hell is a Man that defies Law and
good Manners, nay, and good Sense too ; hates both
336 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT i
Morality and Religion, and that not for any Reason (for
he never thinks) but merely because he don't understand
'em : He's the Whore's Protection and Punishment, the
Baud's Tool, the Sharper's Bubble, the Vintner's Property,
the Drawer's Terror, the Glasier's Benefactor ; in short, a
roaring, thoughtless, heedless, ridiculous, universal Cox
comb.
Sir Mer. O Lord, Aunt, no more like him than an
Attorney's like an honest Man. Why, a Rake-hell is
Sir Row. What, Sirrah ! what, you Rebel ? [Strikes him.
L. Blun. Nay, good Brother, permit my Nephew to
tell us his Notion.
Sir Mer. Why, Aunt, I say a Rake-hell is your only
Man of Bravery ; he slights all the Force of Fortune, and
sticks at no Hazard plays away his hundred Pounds at
sight, pays a Lady's Bill at sight, drinks his Bottle with
out equivocation, and fights his Man without any Provo
cation.
Sir Row. Nay then, Mr. Rogue, I'll be sworn thou art
none : Come, Sir, will you fight, Sir ? will you fight, Sir ?
Ha ! [Draws his Sword.
Sir Mer. Fight, Sir ! fight, Sir !
Sir Row. Yes, fight, Sir : Come, spare your Prayers to
the three Fatal Sisters, and cut my Thred thy self, thou
graceless reprobate Rascal Come, come on, you Man of
Bravery.
[Runs at Sir Merlin, who retires before him: Sir
Morgan holds Sir Rowland.
Sir Mer. Oh, good Sir, hold : I recant, Sir, I recant.
Sir Row. [Putting up.] Well, I'm satisfy'd thou'lt
make no good Rake-hell in this Point, whatever you will
in the others. And since Nature has made thee a Coward,
Inclination a Coxcomb, I'll take care to make thee a
Beggar ; and so thou shalt be a Rake-hell but in Will,
I'll disinherit thee, I will, Villain.
L.Blun. What, disinherit your eldest Son, Brother?
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 337
Sir Mer. Ay, Aunt, his very Heir apparent ? Aunt, to
show you how the old Gentleman has misrepresented
us, give me leave to present you a Dance I provided to
entertain your Son with, in which is represented all the
Beauties of our Lives.
L. Blun. Oh ! by all means, Cousin, by all means.
Sir Mer. What hoa ! Roger, bring in the Dancers.
Here th& Dance, representing Rake-hells, Constable,
Watch, &c.
Enter Philip.
Phil. Sir, who do's your Worship think is arriv'd ?
Sir Row. My Son George, I hope, come in the Nick.
Phil. Even so, Sir, from Paris [Exit.
Sir Row. The Prodigal returned ! then kill the fatted
Calf.
Enter George drest like a Prentice.
My own dear Boy, thou art welcome to my Arms, as
e'er thy Mother was; for whose dear sake I pardon all
thy Follies. [George Kneels.
Sir Mer. Ay, Sir, I had a Mother too, or I'm bely'd
[Weeping.
Pox take him that he should come just in the nick, as
the old Fellow says [Aside.
Sir Row. Yes, you had a Mother, whom in my Youth
I was compel'd to marry ; and, Gad, I think, I got thec
with as ill a Will; but George and my Olivia in heat of
Love, when my desire was new. But harkye, Boy George,
you have cost me a damn'd deal of Money, Sirrah ; but
you shall marry, and redeem all, George.
Geo. What you please, Sir ; to study Virtue, Duty and
Allegiance, shall be my future Business.
Sir Row . Well said, George, here's a Boy now.
/ Sir Mer. Virtue and Allegiance ! Lord, Lord, how
came so sneaking a fellow to spend five thousand Pounds
of his Master's Cash ?
IV Z
338 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT i
Sir Row. She's rich, George, but something homely.
Geo. She'll not be proud then, Sir.
Sir Row. Not much of her Beauty she's of a good
staid Age too, about some fourscore.
Gco. Better still, Sir, I shall not fear Cuckoldom.
Sir Row. For that I cannot answer ; but she has two
thousand a year. I mean to settle my Family, and then
marry my self, George.
L. Blun. What, to this old Lady's Grand-daughter r
Methinks she's more fit for your Son, Sir Rowland, and
the old Lady for you.
Sir Row. No, no, the young Rogues can help them
selves with Mistresses ; but 'tis well if an old Man can
keep his Wife to himself I've invited 'em to Dinner
to day, and see, they are come.
Enter Lady Youthly, led by her Chaplain [Mr. Twang],
and leaning on a Staff, and Teresia.
L. Youth. Where's Sir Rowland Marteen ? Oh, your
Servant, Sir, I am come. [Runs against George.
Twang. Your Ladyship is mistaken, this is not Sir
Rowland, but a handsome proper young Man.
L. Youth. A young Man ! I cry your mercy heartily
Young Man, I alighted in the Sun, and am almost blind.
Geo. With wondrous old Age. [Aside.
L. Youth. Good lack, Sir Rowland, that I should
mistake a young Man so !
Sir Row . Ay, Madam, and such a young Man too.
L. Youth. Ay, ay, I see him now.
[Puts on her Spectacles.
Geo. S'death, what a Sepulcher is here to bury a Hus
band in ? How came she to escape the Flood ? for sure
she was not born since. [Aside.
Sir Row. This is the lusty Lad, my Son George, I told
your Ladyship of.
L. Youth. Cot so, cot so, is it so, Sir ? I ask your Pardon,
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 339
Sir. Mr. Twang, take a survey of him, and give me your
Opinion of his Person and his Parts.
Twang. Truly, Madam, the young Man is of a comely
Personage and Lineaments.
L. Youth. Of what, Sir? Lord, I have such a Cold.
[Coughs.
Geo. Which she got when the Picts went naked.
L. Blun. Madam, you have a Power over Sir Rowland ;
pray intreat him to take his Son, Sir Merlin, into Grace
again. \_To Teresia.
Ter. That, Sir, you must grant me ; pray let me know
the Quarrel. [Sir Rowland seems to tell.
Geo. By Heaven, she's fair as the first ruddy Streaks
of opening Day. [Looking on Teresia.
Young as the budding Rose, soft as a Cupid, but never
felt his Dart, she is so full of Life and Gaiety. Pray,
Madam, who is that Lady? [To Lady Blun.
L. Blun. The Grandchild of your Mistress, and your
Mother that must be.
Geo. Then I shall cuckold my Father, that's certain.
[Asidt.
Sir Row. For your sake, Madam, once again I re
establish him in my family ; but the first Fault cashiers
him Come, let's in Here, my Lady Touthly, take George
by the hand ; but have a care of the young Rogue, if he
comes once to touch so brisk a Widow, he sets her
Heart on fire.
Geo. Which will burn like a snuff of a Candle ; no
body will be able to endure it. [dside.
So Fortune, I see, provides for me :
On this hand Wealth, on that young Pleasures lie;
He ne'er wants these, who has that kind Supply.
. [Exeunt.
The End of the First Act.
34-O THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT n
ACT II.
SCENE I. Sir Rowland's Lodging.
Enter Sir Rowland, Teresia, and Lady Youthly, &c.
L. Youth. Well, Sir Rowland, if I should be inclined
to cast away my self on your Son George, what wou'd
you settle ?
Sir Row. Settle ! not a Souse, Madam ; he carries the
best younger Brother's Fortune in Christendom about him.
L. Youth. Why, the young Man's deserving, I confess.
But he's your Son, Sir Rowland, and something ought to
be settled upon the Heirs of our Bodies, lawfully begotten.
Sir Row . All Hercules his Labours were a Jig to his
that shall beget 'em. [Aside.
If you like him upon these terms, to make him Master
of your Fortune
L. Touth. For that, let him trust to me, and his own
deservings.
Sir Row. No trusting in these fickle Times, Madam
Why, I'll let the young sturdy Rogue out to hire ; he'll
make a pretty Livelihood at Journey- Work ; and shall
a Master- Workman, a Husband, deserve nothing?
L. Touth. Ay, these Husbands that know their own
Strength, as they say, set so high a value on their con
jugal Virtues. And if he be disloyal, again o't'other side
he gives a Wife so ill an Example for we are all liable
to Temptations.
Sir Row. Well said ; if thou beest so, it must be the
old Tempter himself. [Aside.
Look ye, Madam, I'll propose a fair Swap ; if you'll con
sent that I shall marry Teresia, I'll consent that you shall
marry George.
L. Touth. How, my Grand-daughter ? Why, I design'd
her for your eldest Son, Sir Merlin ; and she has a good
Fortune of five hundred a year that I cannot hinder her
of; and is too young for you.
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 341
Sir Row. So is George for your Ladyship j and as for
his Fortune, 'tis more than likely I shall make him my
eldest Son.
L. Touth. Say you so, Sir, well, I'll consider, and take
Advice of my Friends.
Sir Row . Consider ! alas, Madam, my House will be
besieged by all the Widows in Town ; I shall get more
by shewing him, than the Rhinoceros. Gad, I'll sell the
young Rogue by Inch of Candle, before he's debauch'd
and spoil'd in this leud Town.
L. Touth. Well, suppose
Sir Row. Nothing under Teresia Gad, I think some
old Dog-Star reigns to Day, that so many old Hearts are
burning in their Sockets I'm in love with this young
Tittymouse here, most damnably Well, what say you,
Widow? Speak now, or you know the Proverb.
L. Touth. Well, Sir Rowland^ you arc too hard for me.
[Ex. all but Teresia.
Enter Olivia, runs to her and embraces her.
Ter. 'Tis as you said, Olivia^ I am destin'd to your
Father.
Oliv. What, the Sentence is past then ?
Ter. Ay, but the Devil is in us, if we stay till Execu
tion Day : Why, this is worse than being mew'd up at
Hackney-School my Fortune's my own, without my
Grandmother, and with that Stock I'll set up for my
self, and see what Traffick this wide World affords a
young beginner.
Oliv. That's well resolv'd ; I am of the same mind,
rather than marry Mr. Welborn^ whom I never saw.
But prithee let's see what we have in Stock, besides ready
Money What Toys and Knick-nacks to invite.
Ter. Faith, my Inventory is but small Let me see
First, one pretty well made Machine, call'd a Body, of a
very good Motion, fit for several uses one pretty conceited
342 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT n
Head-Piece, that will fit any body's Coxcomb, when
'tis grave and dull, 'twill fit an Alderman ; when politick
and busy, a Statesman ; turn it to Intrigue, 'twill fit a City
Wife ; and to Invention, it will set up an Evidence.
Oliv. Very well !
Ter. Item, One Tongue, that will prattle Love, it
you put the Heart in time (for they are Commodities
I resolve shall go together) I have Youth enough to
please a Lover, and Wit enough to please my self.
Oliv. Most excellent Trifles all ! As for my out-side,
I leave to the Discretion of the Chafferer ; but I have a
rare Device, call'd an Invention, that can do many Feats ;
a Courage that wou'd stock a Coward ; and a pretty
Implement, call'd a Heart, that will strike fire with any
convenient force : I have eight thousand Pounds to let
out on any able Security, but not a Groat unless I like
the Man.
Ter. Thus furnish'd, we shall ruin all the Jews, and
undo the India Houses But where shall we show ? where
meet with the Love-Merchants?
Oliv. What think you of the Gallery at the Play in
Masks?
Ter. Shu, a State-Trick, first taken up by Women of
Quality, and now run into Ridicule, by all the little com
mon Devils of the Town; and is only aTrap for a Termer,
a small new rais'd Officer, or a City Cully, where they
baul out their eighteen Pence in Baudy, and filthy Non
sense, to the disturbance of the whole House, and the
King's Peace : the Men of Quality have forsaken it.
Oliv. What think you of the Mall?
Ter. As too publick to end an Intrigue ; our Affairs
require a Conquest as sudden as that of Catsar, who came,
saw and overcame.
Oliv. 'Tis true, besides there's so many Cruisers, we
shall never board a Prize. What think you of the Church ?
Ter. An hypocritical Shift; of all Masks I hate that
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 343
of Religion ; and it shou'd be the last place I'd wish to
meet a Lover in, unless to marry him.
Oliv. And, Faith, that's the last thing a Lover shou'd
do, but we are compell'd to haste, 'tis our last Refuge ;
if we cou'd but see and like our Men, the business were
soon dispatcht. Let me see Faith, e'en put on Breeches
too, and thus disguis'd seek our Fortune I am within
these three days to be fctch'd from Hackney School, where
my Father believes me still to be, and thou in that time
to be marry'd to the old Gentleman ; Faith, resolve
and let's in and dress thee away, here's my Lady
[They run out.
SCENE II. A Chamber.
Enter Mirtilla and Mrs. Manage.
Mir. Ah, let me have that Song again.
A Song by Mr. Gildon.
I.
NO, Delia, no : What Man can range
From such Seraphic Pleasure?
'T/J want of Charms that make us change,
To grasp the Fury, Treasure.
What Man of Sense woud quit a certain Bliss,
For Hopes and empty Possibilities ?
II.
Vain Fools ! that sure Possessions spend,
In hopes of Chymic Treasure,
But for their fancy 1 d Riches find
Both want of Gold and Pleasure.
Rich in my Delia, / can wish no more ;
The Wand'rer, like the Chymist, must be poor.
Man. Not see him, Madam I protest he's handsomer,
and handsomer, Paris has given him such an Air : Lord,
344 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT n
he's all over Monsieur Not see him, Madam Why?
I hope you do not, like the foolish sort of Wives, design
a strict Obedience to your Husband.
Mir. Away, a Husband ! when Absence, that sure
Remedy of Love, had heal'd the bleeding Wound Lejere
had made, by Heaven, I thought I ne'er shou'd love again
but since Endymlon has inspir'd my Soul, and for that
Youth I burn, I pine, I languish.
Enter George richly drest, stands at a distance gazing
on Mirtilla.
Man. See, Madam, there's an Object may put out that
Flame, and may revive the old one.
i4ir. Shame and Confusion. Lejere.
[ Turns and walks away.
Geo. Yonder she is, that Mien and Shape I know,
though the false Face be turn'd with shame away.
[Offers to advance, and stops.
'Sdeath, I tremble ! yet came well fortify'd with
Pride and Anger. I see thou'st in thy Eyes a little
Modesty. [Goes to her nearer.
That wou'd conceal the Treasons of thy Heart.
Mir. Perhaps it is their Scorn that you mistake.
Geo. It may be so ; she that sets up for Jilting, shou'd
go on ; 'Twere mean to find remorse, so young, and
soon : Oh, this gay Town has gloriously improv'd you
amongst the rest ; that taught you Perjury.
Mir. Alas ! when was it sworn ?
Geo. In the blest Age of Love,
When every Power look'd down, and heard thy Vows.
Mir. I was a Lover then ; shou'd Heaven concern it
self with Lovers Perjuries, 'twould find no leisure to
preserve the Universe.
Geo. And was the Woman so strong in thee, thou
couldst not wait a little ? Were you so raving mad for
Fool and Husband, you must take up with the next ready
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 345
Coxcomb. Death, and the Devil, a dull clumsey Boor !
What was it charm'd you ? The beastly quantity of
Man about him ?
Mir. Faith, a much better thing, five thousand Pounds
a Year, his Coach and Six, it shews well in the Park.
Geo. Did I want Coach, or Equipage, and Shew r
Mir. But still there wanted Fool, and Fortune to't ;
He does not play at the Groom-Porter's for it ; nor do
the Drudgery of some worn-out Lady.
Geo. If I did this, thou hadst the spoils of all my Nation's
Conquests, while all the whole World was wondering
whence it came ; for Heav'n had left thee nothing but thy
Beauty, that dear Reward of my industrious Love.
Mir. I do confess
Geo. Till time had made me certain of a Fortune,
which now was hasting on.
And is that store of Love and wondrous Joys I had been
hoarding up so many tender Hours, all lavished on a Brute,
who never lusted 'bove my Lady's Woman ? for Love
he understands no more than Sense.
Mir. Prithee reproach me on [Sighs.
Geo. 'Sdeath, I cou'd rave ! Is this soft tender Bosom
to be prest by such a Load of Fool ? Damnation on thee
Where got'st thou this coarse Appetite? Take back the
Powers, those Charms she's sworn adorn'd me, since a
dull, fat-fac'd, noisy, taudry Blockhead, can serve her turn
as well. \_0jfferstogo.
Mir. Youshallnot go away with that Opinion of me.
Geo. Oh, that false Tongue can now no more deceive
Art thou not marry'd ? Tell me that, false Charmer.
Mir. Yes. [Holding him.
Geo. Curse on that word : wou'd thou hadst never
learnt it it gave thy Heart, and my Repose away.
Mir. Dost think I marry'd with that dull design ? Canst
thou believe I gave my Heart away, because I gave my
Hand ? Fond Ceremony that A necessary trick, devis'd
346 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT n
by wary Age, to traffick 'twixt a Portion and a Jointure ;
him whom I lov'd, is marry'd to my Soul.
Geo. Art thou then mine ? And wilt thou make Atone
ment, by such a charming way? Come to my clasping
Arms.
Enter Lady Blunder at the Door. Sees 9 em, and offers
to go out again.
L. Blun. Oh, Heavens ! How rude am I ? Cry Mercy,
Madam, I protest I thought you'd been alone.
Geo. 'Sdeath ! my Aunt Blunder! \_Aside.
Mir. Only this Gentleman, Madam
L. Blun. Sir, I beg your Pardon and am really sorry
Geo. That you find me with your Daughter, Madam.
L. Blun. I hope you take me to be better bred, Sir :
Nor had I interrupted you, but for an Accident that has
happen'd to Sir Morgan, coming out of the City in a
beastly Hackney-Coach, he was turn'd over in Cheap-side,
and striking the filthy Coach-man, the nasty Mob came
out, and had almost kill'd him, but for a young Gentle
man, a Stranger, that came to his Rescue, and whom he
has brought to kiss your Ladyship's Hands Butl'll instruct
him in his Duty, he shall wait till your Ladyship is more
at leisure alas ! he's already on the Stairs. [Exit.
Mir. Let him wait there Lejere, 'tis necessary you
depart, sure of my Heart, you cannot fear the rest ; the
Night is hasting on ; trust me but some few Hours, and
then, Lejere, I'll pay you back with Interest.
Geo. All Blessings light on thee.
But will your Lady Mother make no Discovery of my
being here ?
Mir. She'd sooner pimp for me, and believe it a part
of good Breeding : away, I hear 'em coming.
[She puts him out at a back-Door .
Enter Lady Blunder peeping.
L. Blun. He's gone Sir Morgan, you may approach.
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 347
Enter Sir Morgan, pulling in the Prince, Sir Merlin, and
a Page to the Prince.
Sir Morg. Nay, as Gat shall save me, Sir, you shall see
my Lady, or so, d'ye see, and receive the Thanks of the
House.
Prince. As Gat shall save me, Sir, I am sorry for it
another time, Sir : I have earnest business. Now, I am
sure nothing worth seeingcan belong to this litter of Fools.
L. Blun. My Daughter is a Person of Quality, I assure
you, Sir.
Prince. I doubt it not, Madam If she be of the same
Piece Send me a fair Deliverance.
\_Sir Morgan leads him to Mirtilla, he starts.
Ha! What bright Vision's that?
Mir. Heav'n ! 'Tis the lovely Prince I saw in Flanders.
[Aside.
Sir Mer. Look how he stares why, what the Devil
ails he?
Sir Morg. To her, Sir, or so, d'ye see, what a Pox, are
you afraid of her ?
L.B/un. He's in Admiration of her Beauty, Child.
Prince. By Heav'n, the very Woman I adore ! [Aside.
Sir Morg. How d'ye, see, Sir, how do ye, ha, ha, ha?
Prince. I cannot be mistaken ; for Heav'n made nothing
but young Angels like her !
Sir Morg. Look ye, Page, is your Master in his right
Wits?
Sir Mer. Sure he's in love, and Love's a devilish thing.
Sir Morg. Sa, ho, ho, ho, where are you, Sir, where
are you?
Prince. In Heav'n ! [Puts him away.
Oh ! do not rouse me from this charming Slumber, lest
I shou'd wake, and find it but a Dream.
Sir Mer. A plaguy dull Fellow this, that can sleep in
so good Company as we are.
348 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT n
Sir Morg. Dream A Fiddle-stick ; to her, Man, to
her, and kiss her soundly, or so, d'ye see.
Sir Mer. Ay, ay ; kiss her, Sir, kiss her ha, ha, ha,
he's very simple.
Prince. Kiss her, there's universal Ruin in her Lips.
Mir. I never knew 'em guilty of such Mischiefs.
Sir Morg. No, I'll be sworn, I have kist 'em twenty
times, and they never did me harm.
Prince. Thou kiss those Lips? impossible, and false;
they ne'er were prest but by soft Southern Winds.
Sir Morg. Southern Winds ha, ha, lookye, d'ye see,
Boy, thy Master's mad, or so, d'ye see why, what a Pox,
d'ye think I never kiss my Wife, or so, d'ye see.
Prince. Thy Wife !
Mir. He will betray his Passion to these Fools: Alas,
he's mad and will undo my Hopes. [Aside.
Prince. Thou maystas well claim Kindred to the Gods;
she's mine, a Kingdom shall not buy her from me.
Sir Morg. Hay day, my Wife yours ! look ye, as d'ye
see, what, is it Midsummer-moon with you, Sir, or so,
d'ye see ?
Mir. In pity give him way, he's madder than a Storm.
Prince. Thou know'st thou art, and thy dear Eyes
confess it a numerous Train attended our Nuptials,
witness the Priest, witness the sacred Altar where we
kneel'd when the blest silent Ceremony was perform'd.
Mir. Alas! he's mad, past all recovery mad.
Sir Afer. Mad, say, poor Soul Friend, how long has
your Master been thus intoxicated ?
Page. He's mad indeed to make this Discovery. [Aside.
Alas, Sir, he's thus as often as he sees a beautiful Lady,
since he lost a Mistress, who dy'd in Flanders to whom
he was contracted.
Sir Mer. Good lack ay, ay, he's distracted, it seems.
Page. See how he kneels to her ! stand off, and do but
mind him.
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 349
Mir. Rise, Sir, you'l ruin me dissemble if you love
or you can ne'er be happy.
[In a low Voice, and raising him.
Prince. My Transport is too high for a Disguise give
me some hope, promise me some Relief, or at your Feet
I'll pierce a wounded Heart.
Mir. Rise, and hope for all you wish : Alas, he faints
[She takes him up, he falls upon her Bosom.
Page. Hold him fast, Madam, between your Arms, and
he'll recover presently. Stand all away.
Prince. Oh ! tell me, wilt thou bless my Youth and
Love ? Oh ! swear, lest thou shouldst break for Women
wou'd be Gods, but for Inconstancy.
Page. See, he begins to come to himself again keep
off
Mir. You have a thousand Charms that may secure
you The Ceremony of my Nuptials is every Evening
celebrated, the noise of which draws all the Town together;
be here in Masquerade, and I'll contrive it so, that you
shall speak with me this Night alone.
Prince. So, now let my Soul take Air
L. Blun. What pity 'tis so fine a Gentleman shou'd
be thus.
Mir. You must be bringing home your Fops to me,
and see what comes of it. [As she passes out.
Sir Morg. Fops! I thought him no more a Fop, than
I do my own natural Cousin here. [Ex. Mir. in Scorn.
Prince. Where am I ? [ The Page has whispered him.
Sir Mer. Why, here, Sir, here, at Sir Morgan Blunder's
Lodging in Lincolns-Inn- Fields.
Prince. That's well, he has told me Where have I
been this long half hour, and more ?
Sir Mer. Nay, the Lord knows.
Prince. I fancy 'd I saw a lovely Woman.
Sir Mer. Fancy'd why, so you did, Man, my Lady
Mirtilla Blunder.
350 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT n
Prince. Methought I slept upon her snowy Bosom, and
dreamt I was in Heaven, where I claimed her.
Sir Mer. Good lack aday why, so you did, Sir, ha,
ha, ha.
Prince. And rav'd on Love ; and talk'd abundance of
Nonsense.
Sir Morg. Ha, ha, ha, by my Troth, and so you did, Sir.
Prince. I ask your Pardon, Sir, 'tis an infirmity I have
that ever takes me at the approach of a fine Woman,
which made me so unwilling to see your Lady.
Sir Morg. Lookye, I ask your Pardon heartily, or so,
d'ye see and am sorry you are not in a Condition to visit
her often.
Prince. I shall be better when I am us'd to her; 'tis
the first time only affects me.
Sir Morg. Pray, Sir, be pleas'd to use your self to her,
or so, d'ye see she's a civil Person, and a Person of
Quality before I marry'd her, d'ye see.
L. Blun. My Son tells you Truth, Sir.
Prince. Madam, I doubt it not, pray beg her Pardon,
and do you give me yours.
[Bows and kisses her Hand and goes out.
L. Blun. A most accomplish'd Person [Exeunt.
SCENE III. Another Chamber.
Enter Olivia and Teresia, in Mens Clothes.
Oliv. Well, the Ball does not begin these three Hours,
and we'll divert our selves at my Aunt's Basset-Table,
which you see is preparing; her natural Propensity to
oblige both Sexes makes her keep a Bank on purpose to
bring 'em together. There we shall see the old and the
young, the ugly and the handsome, Fools that have
Money, and Wits that have none; and if the Table
affords nothing to please the Appetite, we'll abroad for
Forage,
sc. in] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 351
Enter Sir Merlin pulling in George, followed by
Sir Morgan, Page and Footmen to George.
Sir Mer. Nay, Sir, I am resolv'd you shall honour my
Aunt's Basset-Table
Geo. My Aunt's Basset-Table ? There may be Money
stirring among these Fools, and Fortune may befriend
me. [Aside.
Sir Mer. Sir Morgan, pray know this worthy Gentle
man, I have the honour to lodge in the House with him.
[ They salute one another.
Sir, this is Sir Morgan Blunder, a Person of Quality in
Wales, I assure you.
Geo. I question it not, Sir, and am proud of the Honour
of kissing your Hands.
Ter. Yonder's a handsom Gentleman.
Oliv. My Brother George, as I live, 'tis as I cou'd
wish. [Aside.
Enter Wei born.
Wei. Lejere!
Geo. Welborn ! Welcome from Paris, I heard of your
arrival from Prince Frederick.
Wei. Yes, I am come to my Destruction, Friend.
Geo. Ay, thou'rt to be marry 'd, I hear, to a Welch
Fortune.
Wei. Though Matrimony be a sufficient Curse, yet
that's not the worst I am fall'n most damnably in love,
since I arriv'd, with a young Creature I saw in the Mall
t'other Night ; of Quality she was, I dare swear, by all
that was about her ; but such a Shape ! a Face ! a Wit !
a Mind, as in a moment quite subdu'd my Heart : she
had another Lady with her, whom (dogging her Coach)
I found to be a Neighbour of mine, and Grand-Daughter
to the Lady Touthly ; but who my Conqueror was I never
since could learn.
35 2 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT n, sc. m
0/iv. 'Slife, Teresia, yonder's the handsom Fellow that
entertain'd us with so much Wit, on Thursday last in
the Mall.
Ter. What, when you chang'd your Breeches for
Petticoats at my Lodgings.
Oliv. That Night, and ever since, I have felt a sort
of a Tendre for him.
Ter. As I do for his Friend Pray Heav'n he be not
marry'd ! I fear he has laid an Imbargo on my Heart,
before it puts out of the Port.
Geo. Are you not for the Basset ?
Wei. No, I've business at the Ball to night ; besides,
my Lady Blunder has a Quarrel to me for last Night's
Debauch ; I'll wait on you in the Morning.
[Exit Wei born.
Geo. Well, you to your Business, and I to mine.
[Speaks as the rest go out.
Let the dull trading Fool by Business live,
Statesmen by Plots; the Courtier cringe to thrive;
The Fop of Noise and Wealth be cullied on,
And purchase no one Joy by being undone,
Whilst I by nobler careless ways advance,
Since Love and Fortune are acquir'd by Chance.
[Exeunt Omnes.
The End of the Second Act.
A Song, sung by Sir Rowland in the second Act.
To TERESIA.
Though the Young prize Cupid's Fire,
'TV; more valued by the Old ;
The Sun's Warmth we now admire,
More than when the Season's cold.
ACT in, sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 353
Dialogues in the Masque, at the beginning of the
third Act.
He. Time and Place you see conspire,
With tender Wishes, fierce Desire ;
See the willing Victim stands
To be offer'd by your Hands :
Ah ! Let me on Love's Altars lying,
Clasp my Goddess whilst I'm dying.
She. Oh Lord ! what hard words, and strange things
d'ye say ;
Your Eyes too seem closing, and just dying away :
Ah ! pray what d'ye want? Explain but your mind,
Which did I but know, perhaps I'd be kind.
He. My pretty soft Maid, full of innocent Charms,
I languish to sigh out my Soul in thy Arms;
Oh ! then, if I'm lov'd, deny not the Bliss,
But tell me I'm happy, with a ravishing Kiss.
She. Oh ! Fy, Sir, I vow I cannot endure you ;
Be civil, or else I'll cry out I assure you ;
I will not be kiss'd so, nor tumbled, not I,
I'll tell all your tricks, that I will, if I die.
He. Nay, never dissemble, nor smother that Fire ;
Your Blushes, and Eyes betray your Desire.
The Practis'd, not Innocent, dally with Bliss,
Then prithee be kind, and taste what it is.
She. Let me die now, you're grown a strange sort
of a Man,
To force a young Maid, let her do what she can ;
I fear now I blush to think what we're doing,
And is this the end of all you Men's wooing?
He. At this Pleasure all aim, both Godly and Sinners,
And none of 'em blush for't but poor young Beginners.
In Pleasure both Sexes, all Ages agree,
And those that take most, most happy will be.
Chorus. In Pleasure both Sexes, &c.
IV A A
354 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT in
ACT III.
SCENE I. A rich Chamber.
Enter Olivia as a Man, Teresia In Masquerade ; the Scene
opens, and discovers Lady Youthly, Lady Blunder, Mirtilla,
Manage, Prince Frederick in a rich Habit, Welborn in
one like his, with a Cloke over him, stands aside,
and several others of both Sexes.
Oliv. Oh, my dear Teresia, I'm lost in Love ! I've
seen a Man, or rather 'tis an Angel ! so gay, so soft,
so charming, and so witty ; so dress'd ! so shap'd ! and
danc'd with such an Air !
Ter. Heyday! Prithee where's this Wonder to be seen?
Oliv. Why dost thou ask ? Hast thou not seen a Man
of Dress, and Movement of uncommon Fashion ?
Ter. A great many, very odd, and fantastick, I'm sure
my dear Man is none of 'em. [Sighs.
Oliv. Thy Heart when fir'd burns easily, and soft, but
I am all impatient, Darts, and Flames, and all the effects
of Love are panting in my Heart, yet never saw his Face:
but see, he comes, and I must find a way to let him know
the mischiefs he has done.
Mir. Endimion, where's Sir Morgan ?
Oliv. At his usual Diversion, Madam, drinking.
Mir. Do you wait near me to Night, I may perhaps
have kinder Business for you e'er the Morning.
Oliv. You heap too many Blessings on me, Madam.
Prince. Oh, turn thy lovely Eyes upon thy Slave, that
waits and watches for a tender Look.
Mir. Oh, Sir, why do you press a yielding Heart too
much, undone by what you've said already ?
Oliv. Those soft Addresses must be those of Love.
[Aside.
Mir. My Honour was in danger when I promis'd
and yet I blush to tell you I was pleas'd, and blest the
dear necessity that forc'd me.
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 355
Oliv. Ha ! 'tis the Man I love and courts Mirtilla,
and she receives him with inviting Looks. 'Sdeath, she's
a common Lover ! already I'm arriv'd to Jealousy !
Enter George in Masquerade^ with a Paper on his Back
and Breast, goes to Mirtilla, sees one courting her.
Geo. What gilded thing is that ? I must disturb 'em
'Tis I, Mirtilla, languishing for the appointed Happiness,
while you, perhaps, are taken up with different Thoughts
Mir. Lejere! How very feeble do old Lovers charm !
Only the new and gay have pow'r to warm How shall
I put him off? For now my ambitious Love declares for
Frederick; 'tis great to enslave a Prince. [Aside.
Lejere wait till I give the word perhaps it may
be late go mix your self i'th' Crowd, you may be else
suspected [Goes from him.
Ter. I have a shreud guess that this should be my Man
by his Shape, and Mein. [Looking round about George.
Let me see What's this written on his Back? To be
lett ready furmsh'd [Reading it.
A very good hearing: So ho, ho, ho, who's within here?
[Claps him on the Back.
Geo. Who's there? [Exit Olivia.
Ter. Love and Fortune.
Geo. Two very good Friends of mine, prithee who art
thou that bring'st 'em ?
Ter. A wandring Nymph, that has had a swinging
Character of your Person and Parts if thou be'st the
Man, prithee, dear Stranger, let me see thy Face ; and if
I'm not mistaken, 'tis ten to one, but we may go near
to strike up some odd Bargain or other.
Geo. And I am as likely a Fellow for some odd Bargain
or other, as ever you met with Look ye, am I the Man ?
Ter. Let me see a very handsome Face, inclining to
round ; fine wanton Eyes, with a plaguy Roguish Lear ;
plump, round, red Lips ; not tall, nor low, and extremely
356 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT in
well fashion'd. [Reads all this in her Tablets.
Ay, ay, you are the Man
Geo. I am glad on't, and prithee, dear Creature, let me
see if thou art not the Woman
Ter. Heav'n! what Woman, Sir?
Geo. Why, any Woman that's pretty, witty, young,
and good-natur'd.
Ter. I had rather shew anything almost than my Face.
Geo. Faith, and that's kind ; but every thing in its due
time : I love to arrive at Happiness by degrees, there's
as much Pleasure in the Journey of Love, as in the Arrival
to't, and the first Stage is a handsom Face.
Ter. Where you bait a while, take a short Survey, and
away.
Geo. To Wit, and good Humour ; where a Man finds
Pleasure enough to engage him a long while.
Ter. Then to all the small Villages, call'd little Free
doms, Kissing, Playing, Fooling, Sighing, Dying and so
on to the last Stage, where Whip and Spur laid by, all tir'd
and dull, you lazily lie down and sleep.
Geo. No, I'm a more vigorous Lover : And since in
the Country of True Love there remains a Terra Incognita,
I shall always be making new Discoveries.
Ter. True Love ! is there such a thing in the whole
Map of Nature ?
Geo. Yes, I once discover'd it in my Voyage round
the World.
Ter. Sure 'tis some enchanted Place, and vanishes as
soon as 'tis approach'd.
Enter Sir Rowland.
Geo. Faith, let's set out for it, and try ; if we lose our
Labour, we shall, like Searchers for the Philosophers
Stone, find something that will recompense our pains.
[Lady Youthly sees her, and sends her Woman to take
her from him.
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 357
Ha, gone I must not part so with you I'll have you
in my Eye.
[ The Spanish Dance : Whilst they dance^ the Prince
talks to Mirtilla.
Mir. This Night gives you an Assignation I tremble
at the thought Ah, why will you pursue me thus to
Ruin ? Why with resistless Charms invade my Heart, that
cannot stand their Force alone without my Woman ?
the Enterprize with you would be too dangerous.
Prince. Dangerous to be ador'd ! and at your Feet
behold your Slave making eternal Vows?
Mir. If I were sure that you would pass no further
Prince. Let the fond God of Love be my Security
will you not trust a Deity?
Mir. Whom should she trust, that dares not trust
herself?
Geo. That is some Lover, whom I must observe. [Aside.
Mir. Alas, the Foe's within that will betray me,
Ambition, and our Sex's Vanity Sir, you must prevail
Prince. And in return, for ever take my Soul.
Mir. Anon I'll feign an Illness, and retire to my
Apartment, whither this faithful Friend shall bring you,
Sir. [Pointing to Manage.
Geo. Hum ! that looks like some Love Bargain, and
Manage call'd to Witness. By Heav'n, gay Sir, I'll
watch you.
Ter. But hark ye, my Fellow-Adventurer, are you
not marry'd?
Geo. Marry'd that's a Bug-word prithee if thou
hast any such Design, keep on thy Mask, lest I be
tempted to Wickedness.
Ter. Nay, truth is, 'tis a thousand pities to spoil a
handsom man, to make a dull Husband of: I have known
an old batter'd Bully of Seventy, unmarry'd, more agree
able for a Gallant, than any scurvy, out-of-humour'd
Husband at Eight and Twenty.
358 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT in
Geo. Gad, a thousand times.
Ter. Know, I have Five Hundred Pounds a Year.
Geo. Good.
Ter. And the Devil and all of Expectations from an
old Woman.
Geo. Very good.
Ter. And this Youth, and little Beauty to lay out
in love. [Pulls off her Mask.
Geo. Teresia! the lovely Maid design'd for my Mother!
now, what a Dog am I ? that gives me the greater Gust
to her, and wou'd fain cuckold my Father.
[Talks to her aside. Mirtilla seems to faint.
Man. My Lady faints help, help.
Mir. Only the Heat oppresses me but let it not
disturb the Company, I'll take the Air a little, and return.
[Goes out with Manage.
Geo. Is this design'd or real ? perhaps she is retir'd
for me Mrs. Manage.
[Manage re-enters, he pulls her by the Sleeve.
Man. Hah! Monsieur Lejere! what shall I feign to
put him off withal. [Aside.
Geo. Why dost thou start ? How does my dear Mirtilla?
Man. Reposing, Sir, awhile, but anon I'll wait on her
for your admittance.
\ Prince Frederick puts on Welborn's Cloke, goes out,
and Welborn enters into the Company dressed like
the Prince.
Geo. Ha, she spoke in passing by that gay thing
What means it, but I'll trace the Mystery.
Sir Row. The young People are lazy, and here's nothing
but gaping and peeping in one another's Vizards ; come,
Madam, let you and I shame 'em into Action.
[Sir Rowland and Lady Youthly dance. After the
Dance, Olivia enters with a Letter, and gives it to
Welborn.
Wei. Ha! what's this, Sir, a Challenge?
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 359
Oliv. A soft one, Sir.
Wei. A Billet whoever the Lady be, [Reads.
She merits something for but believing I am worth her
Mirth.
Ollv. I know not, Sir, how great a Jest you may make
of it ; but I assure you the Lady is in earnest, and if you
be at leisure to hear Reason from her
Wei. Fair and softly, my dear Love-Messenger, I am
for no hasty Bargains; not but I shou'd be glad to hear
Reason from any of the Sex But I have been so damn
ably jilted Is she of Quality ?
Ollv. Yes.
Wei. Then I'll not hear any thing from her : they are
troublesome, and insolent; and if she have a Husband,
to hide her Intrigues she has recourse to all the little
Arts and Cunnings of her Sex ; and she that jilts her
Husband, will her Lover.
Ollv. She is not troubled with a Husband, Sir.
Wei. What, she's parted from the Fool ! then she's
expensive, and for want of Alimony, jilts all the believing
Block-heads that she meets with.
Ollv. But this is a Maid, Sir.
Wei. Worse still ! At every turn she's raving on her
Honour ; then if she have a Kinsman, or a Brother, I
must be challeng'd.
Ollv. Sir, you mistake, my Lady is for Matrimony.
Wei. How!
Oliv. You have not forsworn it, I hope.
Wei. Not so but
Oliv. If a Lady, young and handsom, and Ten Thou
sand Pounds
Wei. Nay, I am not positive
Enter Sir Morgan, and Sir Merlin, drunk, singing.
Wise Coxcombs be damn'd, here's a health to the Man,
That since Life is but short, lives as long as be can.
360 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT in
Sir Morg. Where is my Lady Mirtilla y Rogues?
Sir Mer. And my Mistress, Rascals ? For we are
resolv'd to shew our selves in Triumph to our Wives
and Mistresses.
L. Youth. Your Mistress, Sir Merlin ? mistake not
your Mark.
Sir Mer. Ha ! Art thou there, old Cathedral ? Why,
thou look'st as magnificiently as old Queen Bess in the
Westminster-Cupboard.
Sir Morg. Lookye as de see, when Adam wore a Beard,
she was in her Prime, or so, de see. [Sings.
L. Youth. Sir, you are a saucy Jack, and your Father
shall correct you.
Sir Mer. My Father ! my Father's an old Toast, de
see ; and I hope to see him hang'd.
Sir Row. Here's a Heathen-Christian ! see his Father
hang'd !
Sir Mer. Ay, hang'd, and all the old Fathers in Christ
endom. Why, what a Pox shou'd Fathers trouble the
World for ? when I come to reign in Parliament, I will
enact it Felony, for any Father to have so little Grace
to live, that has a Son at Years of Discretion.
Sir Row . A damn'd Rogue, I'll disinherit him imme
diately.
L. Blun. Is it so great a Crime, Brother, for a Gentle
man to be drunk?
Sir Mer. You lye like a Son of a Whore I have
been drinking Confusion to all the Fathers and Husbands
in England.
Sir Morg. How, Sir, Confusion to Husbands ! Look ye,
de see, Sir, swallow me that Word, or I'll make you
deposit all the conjugal Wine you have drunk.
Sir Mer. I deposit all your Wine ! Sirrah, you're a
Blunderbuss.
Sir Morg. Sirrah, you are a diminutive Bully.
Sir Mer. Sirrah, you're the Whore of Babylon^ and I
defy you.
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 361
Sir Morg. Lookye, de see, I scorn to draw upon a
drunken Man, or so, I being sober ; but I boldly challenge
you into the Cellar, where thou shalt drink till thou
renounce thy Character, or talk Treason enough to hang
thee, and that's fair and civil.
Sir Mer. Agreed; and when I'm drunk enough to ravish,
I'll cuckold my old Dad, and fight him for his Mistress.
Sir Row . I have no Patience ; I'll kill the Dog, because
I'll have the Law on my side Come on, Sir.
[Draws, the Ladies run out. Sir Merlin draws.
George runs in and parts 'em.
Geo. Villain ! Rascal ! What, draw upon thy Father !
Sir Row. Pray, Sir, who are you? that I may thank
you for my Life.
Geo. One, Sir, whose Duty 'twas.
[Pulls off his Wizard.
Sir Row. What, my dear George! I'll go and cut off
the Intail of my Estate presently, and thou shalt have
it all, Boy, thou shalt [Exeunt all but George.
Geo. Fortune is still my Friend : Had but Mirtilla
been so ! I wonder that she sends not to me : my Love's
impatient, and I cannot wait while the dull Sot is boozing
with his Brother-Fools in the Cellar, I'll softly to the
Chamber of my Love Perhaps she waits me there
[Exit.
SCENE II. A Chamber, and Alcove, discovers
Mirtilla and Prince Frederick.
Prince. Oh ! I am ravish'd with excess of Joy.
Mir. Enough, my charming Prince! Oh, you have
said enough.
Prince. Never, my Mirtilla I
The Sun that views the World, nor the bright Moon,
that favours Lovers Stealths, shall ever see that Hour.
Vast, as thy Beauties, are my young Desires ; and every
new Possession kindles new Flames, soft as thy Eyes, soft
362 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT in
as thy tender Touches ; and e'er the Pantings of my Heart
are laid, new Transports, from new Wishes, dance about
it, and still remain in Love's harmonious Order*
[Kisses and embraces her.
Enter George, softly.
Geo. This House I know, and this should be her Bed-
Chamber, because the best ; and yet methought I heard
another Voice but I may be mistaken.
Prince. I faint with Pleasure of each tender Clasp ; I
sigh, and languish, gazing on thy Eyes ! and die upon
thy Lips, with every Kiss.
Geo. Surely I know that Voice ! Torments, and Hell !
but 'tis impossible. [Aside.
Prince. Oh ! satisfy my Doubt, my trembling Doubt !
Am I belov'd ? Have I about me ought engaging to thee,
Charmer of my Soul ?
Geo. It is the Prince. [Aside.
Mir. Ah, Prince ! Can you such needless Questions
ask, after the Sacrifice which I have made?
Geo. Hell take thee for that Falshood. [Draws.
Mir. Think not the mighty Present of your Jewels,
enough to purchase Provinces, has bought one single Sigh,
or Wish : No, my dear Prince, you owe 'em all to Love,
and your own Charms.
Geo. Oh, damn'd, dissembling Jilt ! [Aside.
Prince. No more, no more, my Soul's opprest with
Joy : let me unload it in thy tender Arms, and sigh it out
into thy ravishing Bosom.
Geo. Death, and Damnation !
I shall forget his Quality and Virtue, forget he was my
Friend, or sav'd this Life ; and like a River, swell'd with
angry Tides, o'erflow those Banks that made the Stream
so gay.
Mir. Who's there ? I heard a Voice Manage ?
Geo. Yes. [Softly.
sc. in] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 363
Prince. Approach, thou Confident of all my Joys ;
approach, and be rewarded
[Prince takes his Jewel from his Hat.
Geo. Yes, for my excellent Baud ing By Heav'n, I
dare not touch his princely Person.
Prince. Where art thou? take this Jewel and retire.
[Gropes for his Hand, gives it him.
Geo. E'en my Misfortunes have a sort of Luck ; but I'll
withdraw, for fear this Devil about me shou'd raise my
too rash Hand against his Life. [Exit.
Prince. Come, my eternal Pleasure each Moment of
the happy Lover's Hour, is worth an Age of dull, and
common Life. [Exeunt into the Alcove, the Scene shuts.
SCENE III. A Garden by Night still.
Enter George with his Sword in his Hand, as before.
Geo. Why do I vainly call for Vengeance down, and
have it in my Hand? By Heav'n, I'll back Whither?
To kill a Woman, a young perjur'd Woman ! Oh, ye
false Fair Ones ! shou'd we do you Justice, a universal
Ruin wou'd ensue ; not one wou'd live to stock the World
anew. Who is't among ye All, ye Fair Deceivers, ye
charming Mischiefs to the noble Race, can swear she's
Innocent, without Damnation ? No, no, go on be false
be fickle still : You act but Nature But, my faithless
Friend where I repose the secrets of my Soul except this
one Alas ! he knew not this : Why do I blame him then ?
Enter Olivia, dress'd as before.
Oliv. Fire! Fire! Fire!
Geo. Olivia's Voice ! Ha ! what art thou ? Thy Voice
shou'd be Olivia's, but thy Shape and yet a Woman is
all o'er Disguise.
Enter Lady Blunder in her Night-Gown.
L. Blun. Fire ! Fire ! Fire ! My Son, my dear Sir
Morgan.
364 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT in
Enter Sir Rowland, and Servants.
Sir Row. A Pox on your Son, and mine to boot ; they
have set all the Sack-Butts a Flaming in the Cellar, thence
the Mischief began. Timothy ', Roger , Jeffrey , my Money-
Trunks, ye Rogues ! my money-Trunks !
L. Blun. My Son, good Roger! my own Sir Moggy!
Sir Row . The ten thousand Pounds, ye Rascal, in the
Iron Trunk, that was to be paid Mr. Welborn for Olivia's
Portion. [Exit.
L. Blun. Oh my Son ! my Son ! run to the Parson,
Sam^ and let him send the Church-Buckets. Oh, some
help ! some help !
Enter Manage.
Man. Oh, Heavens ! my Lady MirtHta's Chamber's
all on Flame.
Enter Britton.
Geo. Ha, the Prince ! I had forgot his Danger.
Man. Ah ! look up, and see how it burns.
Geo. Britton^ a Million for a Ladder !
Man. Blessing on you, Sir, if you dare venture through
the House ; there lies one in the Fore-Garden.
Britt. The Passage is on fire, Sir, you cannot go.
Geo. Revenge is vanish'd, and Love takes its place :
Soft Love, and mightier Friendship seizes all. I'll save
him, though I perish in the Attempt.
[Runs out y Britton after him.
Enter at another Door^ Sir Rowland.
L. Blun. A thousand Pound for him that saves Sir
Morgan !
Sir Row. And, do ye hear, let my Rogue lie ; I'd rather
he should be burnt, than hang'd on Tyburn Road, for
murdering his Father. But where's Boy George ?'
Enter Men with Trunks.
Rog. Safe, Sir, I hope ; he was not in the House.
sc. in] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 365
Sir Row. So, so, away with these Trunks to my Lady
Touthtys in Southampton-Square, and tell her we must
trouble her to night. Come, Sister, let's away.
[Ex. Lady Blunder, and Sir Rowland.
Prince Frederick and Mirtilla, appear at the Window, the
Flame behind 'em.
Prince. Help, help, and save Mirtilla ! Ask any Price,
my Life, my Fortune ! All !
Mir. Oh, Heav'ns, the Flame pursues us as we fly.
Prince. No help ! Oh Gods, I shall prevent the Flame,
and perish by my Fears to see you die !
Mir. Alas ! Sir, you with ease may save your Life !
This Window you may leap, but I want Courage.
Prince. No, my Mirtilla, if it be thy Fate, I'll grasp
thee, ev'n in Flames, and die with thee.
Mir. We die ! we die ! the Flame takes hold of us.
Enter George with a Ladder, and puts it to the Window.
Prince. Ha ! some pitying God takes care of us.
Haste, haste, my Charmer ; Heav'n has sent us Aid.
[Puts her on the Ladder, she descends into George's Arms ;
after her, the Prince. George puts her into Manage's
Arms, she faints ; he runs up to receive the Prince.
Prince. Lejere ! dear Man of Luck Some happy Star
reign'd at thy glorious Birth ; every thing is prosperous
thou espousest. How fares my Love, the Treasure of
my Soul ?
Man. Only fainting with the Fright, but she recovers.
Prince. My Chair there, quickly, that waits for me.
Enter Chair ; he puts her, and Manage into it.
Enter Olivia.
Carry 'em to Mr. Welborns, to my Lodgings there, and
then return to me ; for I am wondrous faint, and cannot
walk.
O/iv. Ha ! by my Life, my Man !
366 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT in, sc. m
Prince. But if I might impose so much, Lejere, upon
thy Friendship, I beg thou wouldst see her safely carry 'd
to my Lodgings at Welborr?**
Geo. You shall command me, Sir.
\_Exeunt Chair y George a#i/ .Britton.
Oliv. You seem not well, Sir, pray repose upon my
Arm a while.
Prince. I thank you, Sir, indeed I am not well.
Oliv. Methinks I find a Pleasure but in touching him
Wou'd I cou'd see his Face by all this fatal Light.
Enter Constable and Watch.
Const. So, so, the Fire abates, the Engines play'd rarely,
and we have Ten Guineas here, Neighbours, to watch
about the House ; for where there's Fire, there's Rogues
Hum, who have we here ? How now, Mr. Hum,
what have you got under your Arm there, ha ? Take away
this Box of Jewels. [Sir Morgan, and Sir Merlin, creeping
out of the Cellar Window.
Ha, who have we here creeping out of the Cellar- Window ?
more Rogues !
Sir Mer. Sirrah ! you're a Baud, Sirrah ! and for a
Tester will wink at the Vices of the Nation, Sirrah ! Call
men of the best Quality Rogues ! that have stood for
Knights of the Shire, and made the Mobile drunk, Sirrah !
Const. We cry you Mercy, Sir, we did not know your
Worships.
Sir Morg. Lookye, de see, here's a Crown for you ;
carry us to the next Tavern, and we'll make thee, and all
thy Mirmidons, as drunk as a Boat in a Storm.
Oliv. Sir, I find you have Interest with these arbitrary
Tyrants of the Parish ; pray will you bail me, and this
Gentleman ?
Sir Mer. What, Endimion ! my Lady Mirtilla's Page ?
He lent me Money to Night at the Basset-Table ; I'll be
bound Hand and Foot for him, Mr. Constable, and, gad,
we'll all to the Tavern, and drink up the Sun, Boys.
ACT iv, sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 367
Oliv. Yonder Gentleman too has receiv'd some hurt by
the Fire, and must go home, Sir ; but you must restore
him the Box, Mr. Constable.
Sir Morg. Ay, ay, lookye, de see, return the Gentle
man all ; they're Gentlemen, and our intimate Friends,
d'ye see. [Exeunt Prince, and Olivia.
Enter a Servant.
Const. Stand : Who goes there ?
Sir Morg. Philip Lookye, d'ye see, he shall along with
us to the Tavern.
Serv. Sir Morgan, I came to seek you : your Lady
Mother sent me back on purpose ; she has spoiPd her
Beauty with crying for you.
\r Morg. And wash'd off all her Paint? Or so, de
see ! Gad sa' me, Philip, this is ill Luck. Come, let us
go drink down Sorrow.
Serv. Being sent of such an Errand, as your Safety,
Sir, I dare not stay and drink now, before I've satisfy 'd
your Mother.
Sir Mcr. Not drink ! I charge you in the King's Name,
Mr. Constable, bring him along.
[ The Constable and Watch seize him.
Sings.
Wise Coxcombs be damned, here's a Health to the Man,
That since Life is but short, lives as long as he can.
[ Exeunt.
ACT IV.
SCENE I. The Prince's Lodgings.
Enter Page with Lights, sets 'em on tht Table. [Ex.
Enter Mirtilla, led by Mrs. Manage.
Mir. Ha ! where am I, Manage ?
Man. Heav'n be thanked, Madam, at the Prince's
Lodgings.
368 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT iv
Mir. What happy Star conducted us, and sav'd us from
the Fury of the Flames ?
Man. Those whose Influence are always gracious to
your Ladyship.
Mir. But where's the Prince ? where's my illustrious
Lover ?
Man. Waiting the Return of the Chair, Madam.
Mir. But my Endimion ? Is Endimion safe ?
Man. Madam, he is : I saw him in the Garden.
Mir. Then perish all the rest Go send to search him
out, and let him instantly be brought to me Hah
Lejere.
Enter George.
Geo. Baud, stand aside and do your Office yonder-
[Puts away Manage.
Why are you frighted, Madam, because I'm not the Lover
you expected ?
Mir. What Lover ! be witness, Heaven
Geo. That thou art false, false as the insatiate Seas,
that smiling tempt the vain Adventurer, whom flattering,
far from any saving there, swell their false Waves to a
destructive Storm.
Mir. Why all this mighty Rage ? Because I dis
appointed you to night ?
Geo. No, by Heaven, I dully cou'd have waited for the
Hour ; have hop'd,and wish'd, and languish'd out an Age.
But, oh Mirtilla ! Oh thou perjur'd Fair ! But vanish
all the Softness of my Soul, I will be satirical.
A Plague, a Torment, to your fickle Sex,
Those smiling, sighing, weeping Hypocrites.
Mir. And can you think my Flight is criminal ? because
I sav'd this worthless Life for you
Geo. What Innocence adorns her Tongue, and Eyes !
while Hell and Furies give her Heart its motion. You
know not where you are ?
Mir. Perhaps I do not.
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 369
Geo. Swear, for thou'rt damn'd already, and by what
black Degrees I will unfold : When first I saw this gay,
this glorious Mischief, though nobly born, 'twas hid in mean
Obscurity ; the shining Viper lay half dead with Poverty,
I took it up, and laid it next my Heart, fed it, and call'd
its faded Beauties back.
Mir. Confessed ; And what of this ?
Geo. Confirm'd you mine, by all the Obligations Pro-
fuseness cou'd invent, or Love inspire.
Mir. And yet at your Return you found me marry'd
to another.
Geo. Death and Hell ! that was not yet the worst :
You flatter'd me with some Pretence of Penitence ; but
on the Night, the dear destructive Night, you rais'd my
Hopes to all distracting Love cou*d wish that very Night
Oh, let me rave and die, and never think that Dis
appointment o'er !
Mir. What, you saw me courted at the Ball, perhaps.
Geo. Perhaps I saw it in your Chamber too. Breathless
and panting, with new-acted Joys, the happy Lover lay
Oh Mirtilla !
Mir. Nay, if he knows it, I s ll deny't no more. [Aside.
Geo. There is no Honesty in all thy Kind.
Mir. Or if there be, those that deal in't are weary of
their Trade. But where's the mighty Crime ?
Geo. No, I expect thou shouldst out-face my Eyes,
out-swear my Hearing, and out-lye my Senses. The
Prince ! the Prince ! thou faithless dear destruction.
Mir. The Prince! good Heaven! Is all this Heat for him?
Geo. Thou own'st the Conquest then ?
Mir. With as much Vanity as thou wouldst do, if thou
hadst won his Sword : Hast thou took care wisely to teach
me all the Arts of Life, and dost thou now upbraid my
Industry ? Look round the World, and thou shalt see,
Lejere, Ambition still supplies the place of Love. The
worn-out Lady, that can serve your Interest, you swear
IV B B
370 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT iv
has Beauties that out-charms Fifteen ; and for the Vanity of
Quality, you feign and languish, lye, protest, and flatter
All Things in Nature cheat, or else are cheated.
Geo. Well said ; take off thy Veil, and shew the Jilt.
Mir. You never knew a Woman thrive so well by real
Love, as by Dissimulation : This has a thousand Arts and
Tricks to conquer ; appears in any Shape, in any Humour ;
can laugh or weep, be coy or play, by turns, as suits the
Lover best, while simple Love has only one Road of Sighs
and Softness ; these to Lejereare due : But all my Charms,
and Arts of gay dissembling, are for the credulous Prince.
Ha he's here ! and with him the dear Youth that has
enslav'd me, who triumphs o'er the rest. [Aside.
Enter Prince Frederick, Q\\v\z. following, sees Mirtill.a,
and withdraws.
Oliv. Ha ! Mirtilla, and my Brother here ? Oh, how
I long to see that Stranger's Face. [Aside.
Prince. Mirtilla, thou Charmer of Life's dull and tedious
Hours, how fares thy Heart ? Dwells any Pantings there,
but those that Love, and his dear Joys create ?
Mir. Or if there do, you shou'd excuse it now.
Geo. How many Devils reign in beauteous Woman !
Prince. My dear Lejere, congratulate my Joys ; take
all my Friendship thou but thou my Soul. Come, come,
my Friend, let us retire together ; I'll give thee leave to
gaze upon my Heaven, and feed on all the Sweets that
Friendship may : But all the rest of the vast Store is mine.
Man. Madam, Endimion is already here. [Aside to her.
Mir. Thou hast reviv'd me Let him wait my Call.
[Exit Prince with Mirtilla, George goes out, and peeps
at the Door. Olivia comes forward.
Oliv. Spite, Spite, and dire Revenge seize my fond
Soul ! Oh, that I were a Man, a loose leud Man ; how
easily wou'd I rob him of her Heart, and leave him but
the shadow of Enjoyment !
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 371
Re-enter George.
Geo. Now, my dear Sister, if thou ever lov'dst me,
revenge thy Brother on this pcrjur'd Woman, and snatch
her from this gallant Rival's Arms. She loves thee
Dissemble thou to love again ; meet her Advances with
an equal Ardour, and when thou hast wound her up to
dalliance, I'll bring the Prince a witness of her Shame.
0/iv. But what if he shou'd kill me
Geo. I'll take care of that.
O/iv. Then e'er the morning dawns, you shall behold
it : She languishes to see me, and I wait on purpose for
her Commands.
Geo. As I cou'd wish : Be sure to act the Lover well.
[Exit.
O/iv. As well as I can act it.
Enter Welborn, habited as fast.
That all Mankind are damn'd, I'm positive; at least all
Lovers are.
Wei. What have we here ? the Spark that rally'd me
about a Woman at the Ball to night ? Who is it, Sir, you
curse so heartily.
Oliv. Ha, how beautiful he is how many Charms
dwell in that lovely Face [/fside.
'Tis you I curse.
WeL Gad, I thank you for that, you were kinder to
night, when you told me of a fine Woman that was in
love with me.
O/iv. Why, what have you to do with Woman-kind ?
WeL A pretty civil Question ; has the Lady that sent
you a mind to be informed.
O/iv. Or if she had, you're not at leisure now, you are
taken up, Sir, with another Beauty. Did not you swear,
never to speak to Woman-kind, till I had brought her, I
told you, sigh'd for you ?
Wei. Right, and I have kept my word religiously.
372 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT iv
O/iv. The Devil you have, witness the Joy Mirtilla
gave your Soul : Even now you were all Transport, all
Extasy of Love ; by Heaven, you had forgot you brought
me in, and past triumphant in MirtillcCs Arms, Love in
your Heart, and Pleasure in your Eyes.
Wei. Ay, sure he mistakes me for the amorous Prince,
and thus, perhaps, has mistook me all the Night : I must
not undeceive him. \_Aslde.
Whatever you saw, I have a Heart unwounded, a Heart
that never soundly loved, a little scratch it got the other day
by a young Beauty in the Mall, her Name I know not,
but I wish'd to know it, and dogg'd her Coach, I sigh'd
a little after her, but since ne'er saw the lovely Vision.
Ollv. Sure this was I. [Aside.
What Livery had she, Sir r
Wei. That I took notice of, 'twas Green and Gold
Since that, I trifle now and then with Love, to chase
away this Image, and that's all.
O/iv. Ha, now I view him well, 'tis the same handsome
Fellow that entertain'd us in the Mall last Thursday.
Wei. Come, Sir, 'tis late, please you to take a Bed with
me to Night, where we'll beget a better Understanding.
O/iv. A better than you imagine 'Sdeath, to bed with
him, I tremble at the thought Sir, I do not love a Bed
fellow.
Wei. Sir, I have lent my Lodgings to a Stranger of
Quality, or I wou'd offer you a single Bed but for once
you may dispense with a Bedfellow.
O/iv. I will not put you to that trouble, Sir.
Wei. Do you design to make me your Friend, and use
me with Ceremony ? Who waits there ?
Enter Footman.
O/iv. 'Slife, what shall I do ? I cou'd even consent, to
prevent his going to Mirtilla besides, I have no home
to go
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 373
Wei. Come, no more Scruples here a Night-Gown
and a Cap for the Gentleman.
Oliv. What shall I do ? I have a little urgent Business,
Sir.
Wei. If there be absolute necessity, I'll see you to your
Lodgings.
Oliv. Oh, by no means, Sir. 'Sdeath, whither can I go ?
Wei. Why do you pause ? Deal freely with me, Sir, I
hope you do not take me for a Lover of my own Sex
Come, come to bed.
Oliv. Go you, Sir, I'll sit and read by you till Day.
Wei. 'Sdeath, Sir, d'ye think my bed's infectious?
Oliv. I shall betray my Sex in my denial, and that at
last I can but do if Necessity compel me to't. \_Aside.
Go on, Sir, you have shamed me. [Exeunt.
Enter Prince and George.
Prince. And thus thou hast my whole Adventure out,
short was the Conquest, but the Joys are lasting.
Geo. I am glad on't, Sir.
Prince. Why dost wear a Cloud upon thy brows, when
Love's gay Sunshine dances in my Eyes ? If thou'rt her
Lover too, I pity thee ; her solemn Vows breath'd in the
height of Love, disarm me of thy hopes, if Friendship
wou'd permit thee.
Geo. I do not think it, Sir
Prince. Not think it, not think that she has sworn !
Geo. Yes, doubtless, Sir she's prodigal of Vows, and
I dare swear, by all she's sworn by, she'll break 'em all :
She has less Faith than all the fickle Sex, uncertain and
more wanton than the Winds, that spare no Births of
Nature in their wild course, from the tall Cedar to the
Flowers beneath, but ruffle, ravish, and ruin all.
Prince. I speak of my Mirtilla.
Geo. Why, so do I of yours, ot mine, or any Man's
Mirtilla.
374 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT iv
Prince. Away, she that with force of Love can sigh and
weep
Geo. This very she, has all the while dissembled ! Such
Love she deals to every gaudy Coxcomb, how will she
practice then upon a Hero?
Prince. Away, it cannot be.
Geo. By all your Friendship to me, Sir, 'tis truth.
Prince. Racks and Tortures ! let her have made ot
me a mere Example, by whom the cozen'd World might
have grown wise : No matter, then I had been pleas'd,
though cullyed Why hast thou ruined my Repose with
Truths that carry more Damnation than a Lye? But
Oh thou art my Friend, and I forgive thee.
Geo. Sir, I have done, and humbly ask your Pardon.
[ Offers to go.
Prince. Stay, stay, Lejere^ if she be false, thou'rt all
the World has left me ; and I believe but canst thou
prove this to me ?
Geo. Perhaps I may before the Morning's dawn.
Prince. Ha, prove it here here, in this very House !
Geo. Ay, here, Sir.
Prince. What, in my Lodgings will she receive her
Spark by Heaven, were he the darling Son of a Monarch,
an Empire's Hope, and Joy of all the Fair, he shou'd not
live to rifle me of Peace. Come, shew me this destin'd
Victim to my Rage.
Geo. No, my Revenge is only comical If you wou'd
see how Woman can dissemble, come on, and follow
me.
Prince. What, disturb her Rest ! Didst thou not see
her fainting with the Fatigues this Night had given her,
and begg'd me I would leave her to Repose ?
Geo. Yes, and wonder'd at her Art ; and when you
begg'd to watch by her Bed-side, with what dear Promises
she put you off; while every word fell feebly from her
Tongue, as if 't had been her last, so very sick she was
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 375
till you were gone Hark a Door opens I will obscure
the Lights. [Puts away the Lights.
Enter Olivia. They retire a little.
Oliv. Was ever Maid so near to being undone ? Oh
Heavens ! in bed with the dear Man I love, ready to be
betray'd by every Sigh. [George peeps.
Geo. 'Tis Olivia.
Enter Manage groping.
Man. I left him here what, by dark? Endimion,
young, handsome Sir, where are you? [Calls Olivia.
Geo. Do you hear that, Sir?
Man. Oh, are you here? [Runs against Olivia.
Oliv. 'Slife, 'tis Manage how shall I escape ?
[Aside.
Man. Come, Sir, my Lady Mirtilla has dismissed her
troublesome Lovers, for your more agreeable Company.
Geo. D'ye hear that, Sir ?
Man. Come softly on, Sir, and follow me.
Oliv. I'm all Obedience
She cannot ravish me, and that's a Comfort.
[Aside, going out.
Prince. Oh, Lejere can this be possible? Can there
be such a Woman ?
Geo. Follow him, Sir, and see
Prince. See what ! be witness of her Infamy? Hell !
Hell, and all the Fires of Lust possess her ! when she's
so old and leud, all Mankind shun her. I'll be a Coward
in my own dire Revenge, and use no manly Mercy.
But oh, I faint, I faint with Rage and Love, which like
two meeting Tides, swell into Storms. Bear me a minute
to my Couch within.
Geo. What have I done ! now I repent my Rashness.
[Exeunt.
376 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT iv
SCENE II. Draws off, discovers Mirtilla at her Toylet^ dressed.
Enter Manage, leading Olivia in as Endymion, who falls
at Mirtilla 's Feet^ whilst she's there, sings a Song; she
takes him up.
Mir. Rise, When Lovers are alone they pardon
Ceremony. I sent for you to end the Night with me ;
say how shall we employ it?
Oliv. I'll sigh, and gaze upon your lovely Face.
Mir. Nothing but sigh, and gaze ; we shall grow dull.
Oliv. I'll tell you Tales of Love, and sing you Songs.
Mir. Thy Voice, 'tis true, can charm a thousand ways ;
but Lovers time their Joys, these for the Day, those for
the lovely Night. And when they would be silently in
love, have Musick of soft Sighs and gentler Whispers.
Oliv. Oh, Love inspires all this What shall I do?
[Aside.
Mir. Nay, think not because I sent for you alone, while
Night and Silence favour Lovers Stealths, to take advantage
of my yielding Heart.
Oliv. I wou'd to Heaven she were in earnest now.
A Noise. Enter Manage.
Man. Oh, hide your Favourite, Madam do you hear.
Mir. A jealous Lover only, comes in such a Storm
Dear, to my Heart, whose Safety is my Life. Submit to
be conceal'd but where Oh Heavens, he comes 'Tis
for you I fear [ They search for a place.
Man. He comes
Mir. Here, let my Train secure you Till now I never
found the right Use of long Trains and Farthingals.
[She kneels, Man. puts her Train over Olivia.
Enter Prince and George, at the Door.
Geo. 'Sdeath, you have made these Pauses and Alarms
to give her time to jilt you.
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 377
Prince. Pray Heaven she do I'd not be undeceived for
all the Sun surveys. [Enttn.
Mir. My Lord the Prince ! now you are kind indeed.
[Goes and embraces him.
hah ! what means this Unconcern ?
Prince. I thought Pad left you sick, extremely sick.
Mir. And are you griev'd to find my Health return ?
Prince. No, wondrous glad of it. You're mighty gay,
Mirtilla, much in Glory.
Mir. Can he, who lays his Fortune at my Feet, think
me too glorious for his Arms and Eyes?
Geo. Fifty to one the Gipsy jilts him yet. [Aside.
Prince. Pray Heaven she lyes but handsomly [Aside.
for mine, Mirtilla ! Ha ha
Mir. Am I not yours? You cannot doubt my Vows.
Geo. She'll do't, and make me love her anew for her
rare dexterity at dissembling.
Prince. I left you wearied, going to your Bed, but find
you at your Toylet gayly dress'd, as if some Conquest
you design'd e'er morning.
Mir. Manage, Sir, from the Fire, secur'd these Trifles,
and I was trying several Dresses on ; that this slight
Beauty that you say has charm'd you, might, when you
saw it next, complete the Conquest.
Geo. And that thou wilt, if Flattery can do't.
Prince. Now, were she guilty, as I'm sure she's not,
this Softness would undo me, and appease me.
Mir. You seem as if you doubted what I say.
[This white, Olivia gets off unseen.
By all the Powers
Prince. Hold, I scorn to need an Oath to fix my Faith ;
Oh ! thou art all divine, and canst not err. [Embraces her.
Curs'd be the Tongue that dares profane thy Virtue, and
curs'd the listning Fool that dares believe it.
Geo. What a poor, wretched, baffled thing is Man, by
feebler Woman aw'd and made a Coxcomb !
378 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT iv
Mir. Durst any one traduce my Virtue, Sir, and is it
possible that you could hear it ? Then perish all the
Beauties you have flatter'd. [Tears her Head-things.
Prince. Come to my Arms, thou Charmer of my Soul !
and if one spark of Jealousy remain, one of those precious
Tears shall quench the Crime Oh, come, and let me
lead thee to thy Bed, and breathe new Vows into thy
panting Bosom.
[Leads her off, she looks back on George and smiles.
Geo. Now all the Plagues of injur'd Lovers wreck thee ;
'Sdeath, where has she hid Olivia ? or how am I deceived ?
'Tis Day, and with it new Invention rise to damn this
Woman to the sin of Shame ; break all the Chains that
hold the princely Youth, and sink her with her fancy'd
Power and Vanity. [Exit.
SCENE III. Changes to Lady Youthly's.
Enter Sir Rowland half dressed, Lady Blunder in an
Undress, Lady Youth ly in her morning-dress,
Teresia and Mr. Twang.
Sir Row . Morrow, my Lady Touthly, and thank you for
my Night's Lodging You are as early up as if it had
been your Wedding-day.
L. Youth. Truly, Sir Rowland, that I intend.
Sir Row. But where's the Bride-groom, Madam ?
Enter Roger.
How now, Roger, what, no news yet of George ?
Rog. Alas ! none, Sir, none, till the Rubbish be removed.
Sir Row . Rubbish What what, is George become the
Rubbish of the World then ? [ Weeps.
Twang. Why, Man is but Dust, as a Man may say, Sir.
L. Elun. But are you sure, Roger, my Jewel, my Sir
Moggy escap'd ?
Rog. The Watch drew him out of the Cellar-window,
Madam.
sc. in] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 379
L. Touth. How, Mr. Twang, the young Gentleman
burnt Oh [Falls in a Chair.
Ter. Alas ! my Grandmother faints with your ill News.
Good Sir Row/ana 1 , comfort her, and dry your Eyes.
Sir Row . Burnt, Madam ! No, no, only the House fell
on him, or so
[Feigns Chtarfu/ness, and speaks to Lady Youthly.
L. Touth. How ! the House fell on him Oh !
Sir Row. Ah, Madam, that's all; why, the young Rogue
has a Back like an Elephant 'twill bear a Castle, Madam.
L. Youth. Alas, good Man : What a Mercy 'tis, Mr.
Twang, to have a Back like an Elephant !
Li.B/un. Of what wonderful Use it is upon occasion
Sir Row. Ay but but I shall never see him more,
Back nor Breast. [Weeps.
Twang. Good Sir, discomfort not my Lady Consider
Man's a Flower
Sir Row. Ay, but George was such a Flower ! He was,
Mr. Twang, he was the very Pink of Prentices. Ah !
what a rare rampant Lord Mayor he wou'd have made !
And what a swinging Sheriff [Cries.
Ter. What, cry, so near your Wedding-day, Sir Row
land?
Sir Row. Well, if he be gone Peace be with him : and,
'Ifaks, Sweet-heart, we'll marry, and beget new Sons and
Daughters but but I shall ne'er beget another George.
[Cries.
Ter. This is but a Scurvy Tune for your hymenical
Song, Sir.
Sir Row. Alas ! Mrs. Teresia, my Instrument is untun'd,
and good for nothing now but to be hung upon the Willows.
Cry within. Murder, Murder, Murder !
Enter Footman. Sir Merlin with his Sword drawn, and
Sir Morgan.
Sir Row. What's here, my Rogue ?
380 THE YOUNGER BROTHER j [ACT iv
Twang. What's the matter, Gentlemen, that ye enter
the House in this hostile manner?
Sir Morg. What, Mr. Twang, de see !
Sir Mer. Ay, ay stand by Divinity and know, that
we, the Pillars of the Nation, are come, de see to ravish.
L. Blun. Oh, my dear Sir Morgan. [Embraces him.
Sir Morg. I do not intend to ravish, like a Jew, in my
own Tribe
L. Youth. What say they, Mr. Twang, ravish ? Oh,
save my Honour lead me to my Bed-Chamber, where,
if they dare venture to come, they come upon their Peril.
[Twang leads her out. Sir Morgan goes to Ter.
Sir Mer. Old Fellow, do'st hear ? Sir Pandarus of Troy,
deliver me my Cressida, de see, peacefully, or I am re
solved to bear her off Vi & Armis.
L. Blun. Sweet Nephew, retire, we are just upon
making your Peace.
Sir Mer. Ha Old Queen Gwiniver, without her Ruff
on ? [Sir Merlin takes hold of her to bear her off; she cries out :
Sir Rowland draws upon him. As they are going to
fight, George enters.
Geo. Is there a Man in Nature's Race so vile, dares lift
a guilty Hand against his Father ?
Sir Mer. Father me no Fathers; I fight for Teresia,
my lawfully begotten Spouse.
Geo. That I once called you Brother, saves your Life ;
therefore resign your Sword here at his reverend Feet.
Sir Mer. Sirrah, you lye, Sirrah
Geo. There, drag away this Brute.
[Disarms him. To the Footman.
Sir Mer. Rogues, Dogs, bring Mrs. Teresia along with
you.
Ter. Sure this is my fine Fellow and yet the very
same that's to be married to my Grandmother ; nor can
that City Habit hide the Gentleman.
[George speaks this while with his Father, who em
braces him.
sc. in] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 381
Sir Morg. Burnt, say you, Mrs. Teresia, de see my
Lady Mirtilla burnt ! Nay, then, 'tis time to go to sleep,
get sober, and marry again. [Goes out.
Sir Row . Enough, my Boy, enough ; thou dcserv'st my
whole Estate, and thou shalt have it, Boy This day thou
shalt marry the Widow, and I her Grand-child. I'll to
my Lawyers, and settle all upon thee instantly. [Goes out.
Geo. How, marry to day Old Gentleman, you must
be cozen'd ; and, Faith, that goes against my Conscience
Ha, the Fair, the Young Teresia there When a man's bent
upon Wickedness, the Devil never wants an Opportunity
to present him with, that she shou'd be in my way now
Fair Creature, are you resolv'd to be my Mother-in-law ?
Ter. As sure as you to be my Grandfather, Sir And
see the News of your being come, has rais'd my Grand
mother.
Enter Lettice, my Lady's maid, and Lady Youthly.
Geo. A Pox upon her, her Ghost had been less frightful.
Ter. I cou'd have spar'd her now too ; but see she
advances as swift as Time.
Geo. And as old : What shall I do ? I dye to speak with
you
L. Touth. Where where's this Young Welcome Gen
tleman Oh, are you here, Sir
[She sees him not, but runs upon him.
Lettice, take Teresia, and get you to your Chamber, she
has her Trinkets to get ready against the Wedding anon,
for we'll make but one work of both.
Ter. Ay, 'twill save Charges, Madam
L. Touth. Ay, ay, get you gone, Lovers sometimes
wou'd be private.
Geo. Heark ye leave me not to her mercy, by Love,
if you do, I'll follow you to your Chamber.
Ter. Leave you ! No, hang me if I do, till I have told
you a piece of my mind, for I find there's no dallying.
382 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT iv, sc. in
L. Youth. Well, Sir, I have finished the Great Work.
Geo. I wish you had Teresia, once you made me hope
you did not hate me.
L. Youth. What says he, Teresia ?
Ter. He says, he hopes you do not hate him, Madam.
L. Youth. No, by my Troth, Sir ; I feel something for
you, I have not felt before.
Geo. Not these Threescore Years, I dare swear You
have too much Wit, Teresia, to have been only pleas'd
with the Embroider'd Coat, and Gawdy Plume, when
still the man's the same.
L. Youth. What says he, Embroider'd Coat and Plume ?
Ter. He hopes your Ladyship likes him ne'er the worse,
for being without those Fopperies.
L. Youth. Marry do I not, I love not this over-finery
in a Husband ; those Fellows that dress, think so well of
themselves, they never mind their Wives.
Geo. Are you so dull, Teresia, not to see, this Habit
was put on, only to get an Opportunity to tell you my
Passion ?
L. Youth. Tell me of his Passion ! was it so, alas, good
Young Man Well, well, I'll defer your Joys no longer,
this Night shall make you happy, Mr. Twang shall join
us, Sir.
Geo. A blessed hearing You see, Charming Maid,
how very short a space there is between this and the
hast'ning hour ; stand not on Virgin Niceties, but answer
me, our time admits of no Consideration.
Ter. I have not been this Four and Twenty hours a
Lover, to need Considering ; as soon as you had my Heart,
you had my Consent, and that was the first moment I saw
you at the Basset-Table.
Geo. Ha ! at the Basset-Table !
Ter. Yes, I was the frank Youth that lent you Money
but no more your Time and Place.
L. Youth. What are you prating to him there ?
ACTV, sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 383
Ter. He doubts your Love, Madam, and I'm confirm
ing it.
L. Touth. Alas, good Gentleman ! anon I'll convince
him for in the Ev'ning, Sir, the Priest shall make us one.
Geo. Ah, Madam, I cou'd wish 'twere not so long
defer'd, for sure I love you like a sighing Swain, and as
a Proof of it, I have here prcpar'd an Emblem of my Love
in a Dance of Country Lovers, when Passion is sincere.
L. Touth. Good-lack-a-day, indeed you're so obliging :
But pray let us have the Dance. [Dance.
L. Touth. Very pretty indeed. Come, good Gentleman,
don't droop, don't droop ; come, hold up your Head
you may be allow'd one kiss beforehand.
Geo. [Kisses her.'} Oh, what a pestilential Blast was
there! [Aside.
L. Touth. Come, come, Tcresia y come with me.
Geo. [to Teresia."} I'll send a Chair to your Back-gate
anon, that shall wait you on the Field-side, and bring you
whither I shall appoint. Get ready instantly.
Ter. And if I fail, may I be eternally damn'd to the
Embraces of old Age. [Exeunt all but George.
Geo. Mirtilla, thus thy Scorn I will out-brave,
And let my Father the kind Cheat forgive ;
If I with dexterous charitable care
Ease him of Burdens he wants strength to bear. [Exit.
ACT V.
SCENE I. Welborn's Chamber.
Enter Wei born dressing himself; to him a Footman with
a Letter.
Wei. Prithee what became of the Spark that lay with
me last Night ?
Foot. I know not, Sir, he 'rose before day What
Letter's this, Sir ? It lay upon your Toylet.
[Gives Welborn a Letter.
384 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT v
WeL To the dear Man whose Name I would be glad to
know [Reads.
Hum a Woman's Hand [Opens it.
The Lady you saw last Thursday in the Mall, you had in
Bed with you last Night. Adieu.
Oh ! dull Divinity of Love ! that by no Instinct, no
sympathizing Pains or Pleasure, could instruct my Sense,
how near I was to Happiness !
Enter George, fine.
Lejere, behold me here the most unlucky Fellow
breathing. Thou know'st I told thee how I was in love
with a young Woman in the Mall: And this very Night
I had this very Woman in my Arms.
Geo. Is this your ill Luck, Sir ?
Wei. 'Sdeath, all the while I took her for a Man : But
finding me asleep, she softly rose ; and, by a Light yet
burning in my Chamber, she writ this Billet, and left it
on my Table. [Gives it George, he reads it.
Geo. By all that's good, Olivia! And were you very
honest, Sir?
WeL To my eternal Shame, as chaste as Ice.
Geo. What will you say now, Charles^ if I bring this
Woman to you again ?
WeL Canst thou ? Oh, let me kiss thy Lips away.
Geo. For all her Frolick, Charles, she's very honest, a
Fortune, and of Quality and were't not for Olivia^ thou
shouldst marry her.
WeL Olivia I ne'er saw, and now 'twill be too late.
Geo. Nay then, Sir, I must fight in her Defence.
WeL You fight in her defence ! Why, dost thou love
her ? By all that's good, I will resign her to thee.
Geo. You shall not, Sir ; and know she is my Sister.
WeL Olivia thy Sister !
Geo. Ask no more Questions, but defend your self, if
you refuse to marry her ; for her Honour's mine.
sc. i] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 385
W 'el. Were she an Angel, I must love this Woman.
Geo. Then thou shalt have her Haste, and get a
Licence no more trust my Friendship Go.
[Exit Welborn.
Enter Olivia.
Olivia, where did you lie last Night ? Nay do not blush,
for you may yet be virtuous.
Oliv. Virtuous! Not the young Roses in the bud secur'd,
nor breaking Morn ungaz'd at by the Sun, nor falling Snow
has more of Purity.
Geo. I do believe you ; but your dangerous Frolicks
will make the World talk shamefully.
Oliv. Let him talk on, I will not humour Fools.
Geo. No more here's Manage Contrive an Assigna
tion with Mirtilla; but do not hide again where none
may find you. This done, I'll tell you more, and make
you happy. How now, Manage, is the Prince stirring?
Man. He's in his Dressing-Room, Sir. This from my
Lady, Sir.
[Slides the Letter into Olivia's Hand as she passes out.
Geo. What have you there, Olivia ? [ Takes the Billet.
Oliv. An Assignation from your pcrjur'd Mistress, Sir.
Geo. 'Tis well you must obey the Summons; and
wind her up to all the height of Love ; then let her loose
to Shame. I'll bring her Lover in the height of Dalliance,
who, when he sees her Perfidy, will hate her.
Oliv. And then the lovely Man stands fair for me.
[Aside.
Geo. Go write an Answer back and wait her hour.
[Exeunt severally.
IV CC
386 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT v
SCENE II. The Dressing-Room. Discovers the Prince
at his Toylet, dressing. Musick and a Song.
Enter George, waits till the Song is ended. The Prince sees
t) comes to him with Joy, and falls about his Neck.
SONG, by Mr. Gildon.
I.
Ah Charmion ! shroud those killing Eyes,
That dart ill extremes of Pleasure,
Else Celidon, though favoured, dies
As well as him that you despise,
Though with this different measure :
While lingring Pains drag on his Fate, \
Dispatch is all //;' Advantage of my State ;
For ah ! you kill with Love, as well as Hate. )
II.
Abate thy Luxury of Charms,
And only Part discover ;
Tour Tongue, as well as Eyes, has Arms
To give a Thousand fatal Harms
To the poor listening Lover :
Thy Beams, like Glorys veiled should be,
And like the Front of Heaven, unseen, pass by ;
For to behold 'em, in full force, we die.
Prince. Mirtilla, O ! I faint, I die with thy Beauty's
Luxury ! by Heaven, I'm all Rapture, Love, and Joy :
Such a dear Night, Lejere! Poets may fancy pressing
Goddesses, on downy Beds of Clouds But oh, Lejere!
Those Gods were never half so blest as I !
Geo. What pity 'twere to wake you from this Dream.
Prince. It is not in the power of Time nor Age : For
even then Mirtilla will have Charms! Oh, how she
speaks ! how well she'll grace a Story !
sc. n] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 387
Geo. How gay her Wit ! how movingly she writes!
Prince. I do believe she does. [A little seriously.
Geo. Would it displease you, should you see a Billet
from her ?
Prince. That's as it were directed. [Gravely.
Geo. You would not credit what you saw last Night.
Prince. Nor wou'd have lost that Night for all the
Treasure the vast Ocean hides.
Geo. I wou'd not have a Man, so good and great, be
made a Woman's Property There, Sir.
[Gives him the Billet.
Prince. I'll not believe it her's; there are a thousand
ways to ruin Innocence ; if she be false she's damn'd.
Confirm me, and of course I shall despise her. You cure
me, when you shew her worth my Scorn.
Geo. Will you be rul'd then, and believe it Friendship
in me?
Prince. I will.
Geo. Give her, by Absence, but an Opportunity ; feign
some Excuse to leave the Town to day.
Prince. See where she comes
Enter Mirtilla.
Adorn'd with all the beauteous Wonders of her Sex. The
Gods of Love are playing in her Eyes, and give us Wounds
from ev'ry graceful Motion. Ah, my Mirtilla ! how shall
I support the Absence of a many coming Hours, that
languish, being from thee but a Moment ?
Mir. I hope, my Lord, Fate is not so unkind, to let
me live without you many Hours.
Prince. Can all this be dissembl'd ? [Aside to George.
Geo. How much more have I heard ? yet all was false.
Prince. I must this Day this tedious live-long Day,
be absent from thy Sight but shall be back i'th' Evening :
I'll leave Lejere to wait on your Commands.
Mir. Lejere shall ever, Sir, be dear to me But I'll
388 THE YOUNGER BROTHER; [ACT v
retire, and sigh till your Return that World affords no
Pleasure where you are not.
Prince. Do you hear that, Sir? [Aside to George.
Till Night, thou dearest Blessing of my Life Adieu.
[Mirtilla going out, pulls Lejere by the Sleeve.
Mir. Thou little, mischievous informing Thing, how
vainly hast thou lavish'd out Invention ! [Smiling. Exit.
Prince. By Heaven, methinks 'twere Sin but to suspect
her.
Geo. Think so ; I'll trouble your Repose no more :
I've done my Duty, and I wou'd not see you made a
Prince. Property Ha A loath'd convenient Tool
A Woman's Implement 'Sdeath ! she that off Loose
to the nasty Love of every Fool, that will be flatter'd,
cozen'd, jilted, cuckolded No more I will, unseen,
convey my self into the Closet in my Dressing-Room ;
'tis near her Bed and if I find her wanton
Geo. If you find her the Youth is waiting now that
shall convince you.
Prince. Where? Oh, set the happy Slave but in my
View, and
Geo. No, faith, Sir, be convinc'd before you strike, for
fear she jilt you out of Sense and Reason
Prince. Come to my Closet, from thence we may
observe all that passes in her Chamber ; from whence I'll
break upon the perjur'd Fair, like Thunder from a Cloud,
and more destructive. [Exeunt.
SCENE III. A Chamber. Draws and discovers Mirtilla
and Manage.
Mir. Is the Prince gone ?
Man. Yes, Madam.
Mir. Then bring Endimion to me.
Man. Madam, I wish you'd think no more of him ;
for I foresee, that this Amour must ruin you. Remember
you have left a Husband for the Prince.
sc. in] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 389
Mir. A Husband ! my Drudge, to toil for me, and
save me the Expence of careful Thoughts : My Cloke, my
Led-Horse, for Necessity to fill my Train no more
but Endimion waits. [Exit Manage.
There is a native Generosity in me, that checks my
Inconstancy to this great Man ; yet I have so much Woman
in my Soul, cannot pain my self to do him Justice A
new desire of humouring my wish, sways all my Interest,
and controulsall my Honour. Why should I lose a Pleasure
for a Promise? since Time, that gives our Youth so short
a Date, may well excuse our needful Perjury.
Enter Manage, and Olivia, she runs and embraces him.
Let the young bashful Maid, unskill'd in Love, deny
the pressing Swain.
Let withered Age, who fondly dreams of Virtue, lose the
dear Opportunities of Life.
The coming Hours present themselves to us; and are too
nice, not to be snatch'd when offer'd.
O/iv. So hasty ! this disarms me of Excuse. [Aside.
Mir. Why are thyEyes bent down ? Why dost thou pause?
O/iv. So hot ! I must prepare to shew my Sex's
Evidence, if nothing else will do. [Unbuttons her Coat.
Mir. What, not a Word !
Advance, thou bashful Youth Love in thy Eyes, and
Coward in thy Heart ! The one all Fire, the other too
much Ice.
Prince and George looking out.
Prince. Yet stay me, my Lejere y from my hasty Ven
geance.
Oliv. Ah, Madam, how are you mistaken ! 'Tis not
Coldness in me but
Mir. What, Bashfulness!
Oh, Love will lend thee Courage;
This Trembling is the soft Effects of it.
Oliv. Oh, how vilely she's mistaken !
39O THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT v
Mir. Come to my Bed, and press the Roses down ;
and lend more sweetness to 'em than they bring.
[She leading him to her Bed, the Prince enters^ with
Lejere, holding his Sword in Hand ; he takes hold of
Olivia.
Prince. Love thus I fling thy gaudy Fetters off, and
am no more a Slave to faithless Beauty.
[The Prince holding Olivia by the Bosom of her Coat,
her Breast appears to Mirtilla.
Mir. Ha! what do I see? Two Female rising
Breasts. By Heav'n, a Woman. Oh fortunate Mis
chance ! [This while George is arguing with the Prince
not to hurt Olivia.
Prince. No, I will not hurt thee, cease thy trembling.
Mir. Oh, Sir, 'twere Sin to hurt the lovely Youth.
Prince. No, Madam, since I have taken back my Heart,
I can present you with another Lover. [Gives Olivia to her.
Mir. Ha ! another Lover ! What means my Prince ?
Prince. Eternally to leave you to your Frailty.
Mir. Can you so easily cancel all your Vows?
Then kill me at your Feet, I do implore it.
[Kneels and weeps.
Prince. Away, I do forgive thee, wretched Woman.
But yet be gone lest Love and Rage return, and I
should kill you yet with your young Darling.
Mir. Whom mean you, Sir, this lovely Maid ?
Oliv. Maid ! What means she ? Sure she cannot
know me.
Prince. Talk on, false Woman ! till thou hast per
suaded my Eyes and Ears out of their native Faculties, I
scorn to credit other Evidences.
Mir. Try 'em once more, and then repent, and die.
[Opens Olivia's Bosom, shews her Breasts.
Prince. Ha By Heav'n, a Woman !
Mir. You that wou'd smile at my suppos'd undoing,
present yourself no more before my Eyes.
sc. in] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 391
'Twas to perplex you that I feign'd this Passion.
I saw you had your Spies to watch for Mischief,
[ To George.
And poison all my Happiness with the Prince.
And since I am thought so criminal, I'll take an ever
lasting leave of you. [To the Prince.
When I am dead, may she you honour next repay your
Tenderness as I have done But may she never meet my
wretched Fate. [She snatches Olivia's Sword out.
Prince. Hold, thou most valu'd Treasure of the World,
or turn the pointed Weapon to my Heart.
Mir. No, I'm false, unworthy of your Love.
Geo. Yes, by Heaven. But thou hast jilted him so
handsomly, thou'st vanquished all my Rage.
Mir. Yes, I am false ; false to this Gallant Man,
[To George.
false to my Husband, to my Sex's Fame j for you more
charming, I alas am perjur'd.
Prince. Lejere, have I then injur'd thee?
Geo. This is the fatal Beauty, Sir, for whom so often
you have seen me languish.
Prince. Ah ! wouldst thou see me on a Precipice, and
not prevent my Danger ?
Geo. To mightier Friendship I cou'd all surrender,
and silently have born her Perjuries; but those to you,
awaken'd all my Rage : but she has out-trick'd me, and
I beg her Pardon And to secure her yours, have lov'd
anew, and beg Protection in your Lodgings, Sir, for a
young Maid whom I design to marry.
Prince. Command my Life, my Fortune, and my
Sword, for the unwilling Injury I have done thee And
is this the charming, perjur'd Fair, Mirtilla ?
Geo. It is, Sir.
Prince. Since it is possible that you cou'd cease to love
this Gallant Man, whom I have heard with so much
tender Passion tell your Loves, what sacred Vows had
392 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT v
past, and what Endearments, how can I hope from thee
a lasting Faith ? Yet on the Oaths that thou hast sworn
to me by all thy Hopes of Pardon for thy Perjuries, to
ease my panting Heart once speak the Truth Didst
thou not take this Woman for a Man ?
Mir. I did and were she so, I wou'd with Pride own
all the Vows I've broke.
Prince. Why, this is fair and though I buy this Know
ledge at the vast Price of all my Repose ; yet I must own,
'tis a better Bargain than chaff'ring of a Heart for feign'd
Embraces Thou hast undone me yet must have my
Friendship ; and 'twill be still some Ease in this Extreme,
to see thee yet repent, and love Lejere.
Mir. No, Sir, this Beauty must be first declining, to
make me take up with a former Lover.
Geo. No, Sir, I have dispos'd my Heart another way ;
and the first knowledge of her Falshood cur'd me : Her
Marriage I forgave that thing of Form but never could
her Fondness to this Youth.
Prince. Who's this Lady, Sir, whose Pardon I must beg ?
Geo. My Sister, Sir, who I disguis'd on purpose to be a
Guard to this suspected Fair One.
Enter Welborn.
Wei. Ha, she's there !
Now every Feature points me out my Conqueress. Nay,
start not I have found Thee, thou malicious Charmer, to
bring me so near to Bliss, and not afford me one kind hint.
Oliv. And are not you a very dull Fellow, that lov'd
and long'd, and had the Maid so near you, and yet needed
a Hint?
WeL Nay, if you conceal'd your precious Talent, how
shou'd it profit any body ?
Oliv. Conceal'd it ! No, Faith, I made a very fair
Tender; but you refus'd it, as not being current Coin.
Wei. But if you most feloniously, and unlawfully deface
sc. in] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 393
our Sovereign's Image, so as it may be as soon taken for
the Grand Signior's, I may suspect the Metal too.
Ollv. What say you if I tender it before these lawful
Witnesses?
IV e I. I'll take it for good Pay ment I Charles Welborn
Ollv. Ha, Welbornl [Aside.
Wei. Take thee whom? Gad, if the Parson of the
Parish knew your Name no better than I 'twill be but
a blind Bargain.
Geo. Olivia Marteen
Wei My destin'd Wife !
Geo. The very same : Have you the Parson ready ?
Wei He waits in my Chamber.
Ol'iv. Madam, I beg you'll lend me something more
becoming my Sex.
Mir. Manage will furnish you from my Wardrobe.
[Exit Olivia with Manage.
Enter Teresia.
Geo. And see my good Genius appears too.
Ter. See, Sir, I am resolv'd to be welcome to your
Arms ; look, here are the Writings of the Estate my
Grandfather left me, and here's three thousand Pound my
Grandmother has settled on me, upon her Marriage with
you. [Gives him the Writings.
Geo. And here's my Father's Estate settled on me
Come, let's put them together and go in, and let the
Parson do as much for us. [Puts 'em in her Case.
Ter. But have you very well considered this Matter ?
Geo. Teresia^ we'll do like most Couples, marry first,
and consider afterwards [Leads her in.
Enter a Footman.
Foot. Sir, here's Sir Merlin, with a Lady mask'd,wou'd
speak with you.
Wei Carry 'em into the Dining-Room, I'll wait on
'em anon. [Exeunt Omnes.
394 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT v
SCENE IV. My Lady Youthly's ; Discovers hcr^ and
Lettice dressing her.
L. Touth. Hold the Glass higher, Lettice; is not this
Tour too brown ? Methinks it does not give a youthful
Aire to my Face.
Lett. That's not in Nature.
L. Youth. Like Nature ! Ay, but Nature's self wants
Art, nor does this Fontange suit with my Complexion
put on a little more red, Lettice, on my Cheeks, and Lips.
[She does so.
Lett. Ay, for they are but a little too much upon the
Coventry-Blue This Tour must come more forward,
Madam, to hide the Wrinkles at the corners of your
Eyes [Pulls it.
L. Touth. Ay, Lettice, but there are others, that neither
Tours, nor Paint, nor Patches will hide, I fear yet
altogether, Lettice
[Puts on her Spectacles, and looks in the Glass.
Enter Sir Rowland.
Sir Row . What, no Bride yet, nor Bridegroom ?
L. Touth. Ay, what can be the meaning of this?
Sir Row. But Teresia, Madam, where can she be gadding ?
L. Touth. Why, Lettice tells me, she went to buy some
Trifles to adorn her this Night Her Governante is with
her, and my Steward.
Enter Mr. Twang.
Twang. Alas, what pity 'tis ; the Supper is quite spoil'd,
and no Bridegroom come !
A Noise of hallowing without, and Mustek,
Enter Lady Blunder.
L. Blun. Bless us! Here's a whole Regiment of Liveries,
Coaches, and Flambeaux at the Door ! the Fops of the
Town have heard of a Wedding, and are come in
Masquerade.
sc. iv] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 395
Enter Mustek playing , after them, Prince Frederick, lead
ing Mirtilla, George leading Teresia ; Sir Merlin, Diana ;
Mrs. Manage, Britton ; Pages, and Footmen, all in
Masquerade. Sir Morgan comes in, all in Mourning ;
Welborn, and Olivia.
Sir Mer. Hearing of a high Wedding, Sir, we made
bold (as the saying is) to give you Joy. Sir, are not you
the Bridegroom ?
Ter. Where's your Bride, Sir? Ha! ha ! ha !
Sir Mer. Ay, ay, where's your Bride?
Sir Row. What's that to you, Sir Coxcomb?
Sir Mer. Hum how the devil came he to know me
now ? Is this reverend Gentlewoman your Lady, Sir ?
Sir Row . Ounds, they come to mock us ! Hark ye,
hark ye, Tawdrums, if you are Men, shew your Faces ;
if Apes, play over your Monkey-Tricks and be gone, d'ye
hear. We are not at leisure for Fooling.
Geo. Be but at leisure, Sir, to pardon [George kneels.
this one Disobedience of my Life, and all the rest I'll
dedicate to please and humour you. Sir, I am marry'd.
[Pulls off 1m Mask.
Sir Row. What the Devil's that to me, Sir ?
Geo. Do not you know me, Sir?
Sir Row. No, Sir, nor don't care to know any such
flaunting Coxcombs.
Geo. Look on me, Sir. [Looks on him, knows him, goes
Sir Row. Hum, hum, hum away, and returns.
Ter. It is your Son, Sir, your darling Son, who has
sav'd your Life from Insolence.
Sir Row . Hum Teresia!
L.Youth. How, Teresia! what, robb'd me of my intended
Husband? Oh, undone ! undone! [Falls into a Chair.
Sir Row. And hast thou, after all, served me such a
Rogue's Trick, thou ungracious Varlet ? What, cuckold
thine own Father !
396 THE YOUNGER BROTHER ; [ACT v
Geo. Oh, do not frown, I cannot bear your Anger !
Here will I hang for ever till you Pardon me.
[Clasps his Knees.
Sir Row. Look look now cannot I be angry with
the good-natur'd young Rogue. [Weeps.
Well, George But hark ye, Sirrah, this is a damn'd Trick
of yours.
Geo. Sir, I found my Youth was fitter for her than your
Age, and you'll be as fond of a Grand-Child of my be
getting as you would of a Son of another Man's perhaps.
Sir Row. Thou'rt in the Right on't.
Sir Me r. Ha ! Is Monsieur Lejere then my Brother
George ?
Geo. Sir, Here's another Couple wants your Pardon ;
my Brother Merlin, and my Lady Diana.
L.Blun. Diana! What, Sir Harry Modish* s Mistress?
Dia. Yes, he pawn'd me at the Basset-Table ; and, in
Revenge, I resolv'd to marry the next Man of Fortune
I met with.
Sir Row. The Fool had more Wit than I thought he
had ; for which I'll give him a Thousand Pound a Year.
Geo. I humbly thank you, Sir.
Mir. Pray, Melancholy Sir, who are you in Mourning
for?
Sir Morg. Alas, Madam, for a Person of Quality that
was my Wife ; but rest her Soul, she's burnt. [Weeps.
And I shall never see any thing again like her.
Mir. No ! What think you of this Face, Sir?
Sir Morg. As Gad shall sa' me, as like as if the same.
L. Blun. In troth, and so she is.
Prince. 'Tis true, she was once your Wife ; but I have
preserv'd her from the Flames, and I have most Right to
her.
Sir Morg. That's a hard Case, Sir, that a Man must
lose his Wife, because another has more Right to her than
himself; Is that Law, Sir?
sc. iv] OR, THE AMOROUS JILT 397
Prince. Lover's Law, Sir.
L.B/un. Ay, ay, Son, 'tis the Fashion to marry one
Week, and separate the next. I'll set you a President for
it my self.
[In this time Welborn kneels with Olivia; Sir Row
land takes * em up, and kisses 'em.
Sir Morg. Nay, if it be the Fashion, I'll e'en into the
Country, and be merry with my Tenants, and Hawk, and
Hunt, and Horse-match.
Prince. But now, Sir, I'll resign my Right to you, and
content myself with the Honour to have prescrv'd her
from the Fire.
[Prince delivers Mirtilla to Sir Morgan, who receives
her.
Sir Morg. As gad shall sa' me, Sir, you're a civil
Person ; and now I find you can endure a Woman, Sir,
I'll give you leave to visit her.
Sir Row. Well, since we're all agreed, and that the
Fiddles are here, adsnigs, we'll have a Dance, Sweet-heart,
though thou hast out-witted me.
[Takes Teresia, George takes Lady Youthly, &c.
After the Dance, Lady Youthly weeps.
Geo. What, weeping yet ? Here, Mr. Twang, take the
Lady to your Care; in these Cases, there's nothing like
the Consolation of your young Chaplain.
The Widow, with young Jointure, and old Face,
Affected Mein, and Amorous Grimace,
Uses to fall to th' younger Brother's share ; \
But I by Fortune, and Industrious Care,
Have got one that's Rich, Witty, Young, and Fair.)
FINIS.
398 EPILOGUE
EPILOGUE.
Spoken by Mr. Harden.
WE'VE grown Impatient to be out of pain,
And fain woud know our fortune, loss, or gain :
The Merchants phrase maynt be Improper now,
If ye our City Character allow.
But some Spruse Criticks, I hear, swears 'tis strange,
To take a powdered Beau off from the Exchange ;
A place more fanid for Band, and dress precise,
For greasy Cuckholds, Stockjobbers, and lies,
Than for a Spark o'th' town, but now a days
The Git sets up in box, puffs, perfumes, plays,
And tho* he passes for a Man of Trade,
Is the chief squeaker at the Masquerade,
Let him his Sister, or his wife beivare,
'Tis not for nothing Courtiers go so far ;
Thus for a while he holds, till Cash is found
To be a Dr. many a woful Pound,
Then off he moves, and in another year,
Turns true Alsatian, or Solicitor.
For we (except o'th 9 stage) shall seldom find
To a poor broken Beau, a Lady kind,
Whilst powerful Guinea last, he's wondrous pretty,
And much the finest Gentlemen o 9 th 9 City,
But when fotf s empty, he's an odious Creature.
Fough, how he stinks! Was not one taking feature,
Then such an Awkard mein, and vulgar sence,
I vow, I wonder at his Impudence!
9 Tis well Lejere appeared, George owes the prize
To the Gay Monsieur, Footmen and Disguise,
EPILOGUE 399
Charms which few English Women can withstand.
What can't a Man of Quality command ?
As to the faults, or Merits of the Play
We leave ye to be judges of, yet say,
Te ought in justice to be kind to day.
For to our Cost alas, we soon shall find,
Perhaps not half the money ye designed,
Consider, Sirs, it goes to be refined.
And since in all Exchanges ''tis a notion,
For what ye take to be in due proportion,
So may we justly hope no wrong is done ye
If ye have par of Wit for par of Money.
NOTES.
iv DD
(40 3 )
NOTES ON THE TEXT.
SIR PATIENT FANCY.
p. 7, 1. i To the Reader. Only in 410 1678.
p. 10 Dramatis Persona. I have added ''Abel ( Bartbolmevj), Clerk to Sir
Patient Fancy ^ Brunswick, a friend to Lodivick Knowell ; Antic, Waiting-
woman to Lucretia , Nurse; Guests.' In former editions the physicians
are grouped together as 'Five Doctors', and The Lady Knowell is
mistakenly termed ' Mother to Lod<u>ick and Isabella', which I have
corrected to 'and Lucretia 1 '. I have noted the confusion of ' Abel* and
*Bartholmcw' in the the introduction, pp. 5-6.
p. II, 1.2 I have added 'in Lady KnowelPs House.'
13 1.14 Foibles. 410 1678 'feablcs'.
17 apamibominous . . . podas. 410 1678 'apamibominus . . . Podis'.
3 Mudd. 1 7 24 'mad
12 now, Curry, from. 1724 omits 'Curry*.
25 Branford. 1724 here and infra ' Brentford'.
30 Cuffefs. 1724 'Cusset's*.
22 not. Erroneously omitted by 410 1678.
2 a Dog. 410 1678 'the Dog.'
1 6 -with Page. I have added the Page's exit.
20 Ex. severally. 410 1678 adds 'The End of the First Act.'
22 to Sir Patient Fancy's House. I have added these words.
.14,
!5
.16,
.16,
.16,
p. 2 2,
p. 2 3,
p. 2 3,
P- 2 5,
p. 25,
p. 33, 1.27 Exit with L. Fan. I have added the necessary 'with L. Fan.'
4to 1678 reads 'Goes out.'
p. 35, 1. 2 Roger attending. I have added this entrance of Roger here,
p. 36, 1. 21 Enter Sir Patient. 410 1678 gives this entrance after 'mercy',
1. 22.
p. 40, 1.25 Exit Roger. I have added this exit here, and at p. 43, 1. 2.
p. 44, 1.6 Exeunt severally. 4to 1678 adds 'The End of the Second Act.'
p. 44, 1. 9 to a room in Sir Patient Fancy's bouse. I have supplied this locale,
p. 45, 1. 1 1 and Maundy. I have supplied Maundy's entrance here,
p. 47, 1. i a thousand Faults. 1724 mistakenly reads 'a thousand hidden
Faults',
p. 48, 1.34 in spite to. 1724 'in spite of which makes nonsense of the
passage,
p. 49, 1. 8 Scene III. I have numbered this and all the succeeding scenes of
Act III.
p. 53, 1. 32 Within. Not in any previous edition,
p. 54, 1. 10 Within. All previous editions print this stage direction as part
of Sir Patient's speech,
p. 54, 1. 19 Discovery. All previous editions here have 'Enter Sir Patient',
which is a very patent error. I have supplied 'Within' as stage direction,
p. 59, 1. 6 Isabella, Fanny. I have supplied 'Fanny' to this stage direction,
p. 59, 1. 19 D'on. 410 1678 misprints 'D'on on Flannel*.
404 NOTES
p. 60, 1. 13 Enter Roger. I have supplied the names 'Roger* and 'Abel' to
this stage direction.
p. 6 1, .13 Exeunt. 410 1678 adds 'The End of the Third Act.'
p. 71, .27 are. 410 1678, not so well, 'were'.
p. 72, .19 A Chamber in Sir Patient Fancy's House. I have supplied this locale,
p. 77, 1.2 come. 4to 1678 'came'.
P- 77> -33 but for my sending him, Madam^cr edit me. 1724 omits this sentence,
p. 79, .13 sad. 1724 'said'.
p. 79, . 31 Exit. I have supplied this stage direction,
p. 8 1, .1 Exit Roger. I have supplied this,
p. 81, .11 little. 1724 misprints ' letter '.
p. 82, . 30 Fanny and Nurse go. All previous editions have ' Fanny goes',
p. 82, .31 Scene IV. I have numbered this scene,
p. 82, .33 Entering. I have supplied this necessary stage direction.
, .15 Hogsdoivne. 1724 ' Hogsdon '.
, . 3 leading her. Omitted in 1724. 4to 1678 here has 'The End of
the Fourth Act.'
, . 5 Scene I. A Room. All previous editions have ' Scene I. A Table
and Six Chairs.'
, .28 come. 4to 1678 'came'.
p. 87
P.
p. 89,
P- 95,
p. 96,
p. 98,
P-99,
20 fatum. 4to 1678 'facum.'
. 2 and will. 1724, very erroneously, 'and I will'.
1 3 and Bartholomew. I have added this entrance, unmarked in
former editions, as later in the scene (p. 99, 1. 30) he is addressed.
. 1 6. Exit Roger. I have supplied this.
35 Exit. I have added this stage direction.
p. 100, 1.4 Exit Lod. This is unmarked in previous editions.
p. 100, 1.25 Medicine Professores. 1724 'Medicina Presessores, qui hie
assemblati esti, & vos altra Mesioris'.
p. ioi,l. 12 Deliberation. 410 1678 here has '[Goes out.' which must
obviously be a mistake.
p. 102, 1. 2 Whirligigomtiphon. 1724 ' Whirligigousticon '.
p. 107, 1. 36 Exeunt Doctors. All previous editions faultily have 'Exeunt.'
after 'whole Family. ' I have added 'Doctors.'
p. 1 08, 1. 27 and Nurse. I have added these words as she is addressed later
in the scene (p. 109, 1. 31.)
p. 1 10, 1. 24 and Sir Cred. I have added these words.
p. in, 1.34 Consort. 1724 ' Comfort '.
THE AMOROUS PRINCE.
p. 123 Dramatis Persona. I have added to the list 'Sal^ator^ Father to
Lorenzo and Laura! 'Ismena' is spelled 'Ismenia' throughout by
1724.
p. 124, 1. 10 Should those. 4to 1671 reads 'Dwell'st perceive us' as a separate
line. Throughout the play, except in lines as this specially noted, I
carefully follow the metrical division t of 4to 1671. 1724 prints many
speeches and whole scenes as prose which the quarto gives as verse.
It is noticeable that the edition of 1711 follows the quarto.
p. 125, 1.17 Bays. 1724 'Bay'.
NOTES 405
p. 1 27, 1. 3 1 Exit Pietro. 1 724 * Exit.' which would tend to a confusion here,
p. 131, 1. i Thinking. 410 1671 ends this line at 'Life' and makes 'Might
. . . Virtue' a second line,
p. 133, 1. 15 accompted. 1724 *accountcd'.
p. 134,1. 34 a my. 1724 'on my'.
p. 137, 1.15 They retire. 4to 1671 * Exeunt.'
p. 137, 1. 1 6 Scene IV. The Same. All previous editions * Scene IV.'
p. 140, 1.28 Jixt. 1724 'fit',
p. 141, 1.2 me alone. 1724 'me all alone*.
p. 141, 1.28 Ism. / can. 1724 wrongly gives this speech to Isabella,
p. 144, 1.4 if there need an Oath between ui 1724 'is there need of Oaths
between us ?'
p. 144, 1. 1 5 Gal. My Lord. All previous editions give Galliard's lines with
speech-prefix 'Ser.'
p. 145, 1.30 An. 410 1671 'And',
p. 146, 1. 30 Exit. I have supplied this stage direction,
p. 146, 1. 31 Antonio" i House. I have added the locale,
p. 147, 1. 10 hurt ones. 410 1671 'hurts one*. 1724 'hurt one',
p. 147, 1. 16 Cure. 1724 'spare',
p. 152, 1. 1 8 The Street. I have supplied this locale,
p. 152, 1.32 being re tir'd. 1724 ' retires',
p. 154, 1. 34 Pag. All previous editions here give speech-prefix 'Boy'. The
alteration from 'Page' to 'Boy* is quite unnecessary,
p. 155, 1. 13 Lor. and Page run. All previous editions 'Lor. runs away', but
obviously the Page accompanies his master,
p. 156, 1. I Antonio's House. I have supplied this locale,
p. 157, 1. 10 Puts on the Veil. 1724 merely reads 'Exeunt.'
p. 157!. 12 A Chamber. I have supplied the locale,
p. 157, 1. 29 Exit Page. I have added this stage direction,
p. 158, 1. 17 you will believe. 1724 omits 'will',
p. 1 60, 1. 7 A Room. I have supplied the locale,
p. 161,1.23 you're. 1671 'your'.
p. 163, 1.19 A Street. I have supplied this locale.
p. 171, 1.30 Galliard. 410 1671 has 'with a Galliard', and to Galliard's
lines gives speech-prefix 'Serv.'
p. 172, 1.6 and bis Page. I have marked the Page's entrance here. It is
not noted by previous editions.
p. 173, 1. 1 6 Ex. Page. 4to 1671 'Ex. Boy.'
p. 174, 1.6 Bone Mine. 410 1671 'Bon Meen'.
p. 1 74, 1. 1 3 with Mustek. I have added these words,
p. 176, 1. 30 did not bate. 1724 omits 'not*,
p. 177, 1.22 never. 410 1671 'ever*,
p. 177, 1.32 Joys. 410 1671 'Joy',
p. 178, 1. 10 Ism. Know it was. Both 4to 1671, and 1724 re No, it
was', which does not give sense. There can be little doubt 'Know i
the correct reading,
p. 178, 1. 18 slight. 1724 'flight*,
p. 178, 1. 29 A Street. I have added this locale, which no previous edit!
marks.
406 NOTES
p. 183, 1. 25 Frederick's Chamber. I have added this locale.
p. 184, 1.22 oft. 1 724* soft'.
p. 185, 1. 35 Exeunt Mustek. I have inserted this stage direction.
p. 1 86, 1. 3 Exit Page. I have supplied this.
p. 187, 1.23 A Street. I have added this locale.
p. 188,1.3 Antonio 1 s Valet. 410 1671 simply ' Vallet.' 1724 'Valet/ The
servant is obviously Antonio's man.
p. 1 8 8, 1. 27 foutering. 1724 ' soutering*.
p. 189, 1. 2 To some Tune like him. Only in 4to 1671.
p. 189, 1. 9 And quite unveil' d. Only 410 1671 gives this line,
p. 190, 1. 31 Antonio's House. I have supplied the locale,
p. 193, 1. 10 Laura's Chamber. I have added the locale.
p. 197, 1. 30 A Grove. I have supplied this locale,
p. 199, 1. 36 Teresia's. 4to 1671 * Teredo's'.
p. 200, 1. 3 certain 'tis. 410 1671 ' it is certain',
p. 200, 1. 28 What Arms. 410 1671 gives this line to Pietro.
p. 201,1. 21 Millanoise. 1724 ' Milanese',
p. 201, 1. 22 Genovese. 1724 * Genoese'.
p. 201, 1. 27 a Maltan -who pretends. 1724 * the Maltese, who pretend '.
p. 201, 1.30 a Cicilian. 1724 'the Sicilians',
p. 201,1.31 his. 1724 'their'. The alterations made by 1724 and the
confusion of plurals and singular in this passage, which I have left
untouched, are noticeable,
p. 202, 1. 27 sets. 1 724 ' sits '.
p. 203, 1. 5 others. 1 724 ' other '.
p.203,l.i2 0'. 4to 1671 'A'.'
p. 204, 1. 2O their. 4to 1671 ' the' '.
p. 206, 1.33 Visors. 1724 ' Vizards'.
p. 207, 1. 5 Braves. 1724 ' Bravoes '.
p. 209, 1. 19 'Tivas a Temptation. 1724 quite erroneously gives this speech
to Cloris.
p. 212, 1. 13 Clo. speaks aside to Gull. 1724 'Aside to Guil.'
p. 212, 1.24 Curtain Falls. Only in 410 1671.
p. 213, 1.5 E'en humble. 410 1671 omits ' E'en '.
p. 213, 1. 22 Leadies. 1724 ' Ladies'.
THE WIDOW RANTER.
p. 221, 1. i To the much Honoured. This Dedicatory Epistle is only found in
the 4to 1690.
p. 223, 1.13 Cruse. Misprinted' Cause ' in 410 1690 and in 1724. The True
Wido<w ($.\.o 1679), and the edition of 1720 (Shadwell's collected works)
give 'Cruse.' All editions of Dryden until Christie misread 'Cause'.
p. 223, 1. 1 6 Poll. 410 1690 Pole. 1724 Pool. The True Widow (410 1679)
and edition of 1720 both give 'Poll'.
p. 225 Dramatis Persona. I have added to the list ' Cavaro, an Indian,
Confidant to the Indian King. Jack, a Sea-Boy. An Officer ; Messenger ;
Seaman j 2nd Seaman j A Highlander. Jenny, Maid to Widow Ranter f
Nell, Maid at the Inn. Anaria, Confidante to the Indian Queen. Maid
to Madam Surelove. Bailiffs, Rabble, Negroes. I have supplied the
NOTES 407
name Jeffery to the Coachman from i, in (p. 239), and also designated
Mrs. Flirt a Tapstress '. Daring, which name is indifferently spelt in
the 410 1690 Dareing or Daring, I have given consistently throughout.
For Cbrisante 1724 sometimes has Crisante. To the Scene I have added
'James-Town, and the surrounding Country.'
p. 226, 1. 3 Jack. I have inserted this name from infra 1. 2O.
p. 226, 1. 17 Enter Flirt and Nell. I have supplied this necessary entrance,
p. 227, 1. 9 Exit Nell. I have inserted this exit. Nell's entrance is marked
later and she is certainly not on the stage during the ensuing scene,
p. 227, 1.27 /. Omitted in 410 1690.
p. 227, 1. 30 being. * was '410 1690.
p. 227, 1.35 Cully in. 'Cully' as a verb. 1724 'Cully to*. 'Cully* as a
substantive.
p. 228, 1. 10 any thing. 4to 1690 'any thing any thing',
p. 229, 1. i fail, tbou. 410 1690 ' fail, there thou '. This insertion of ' there '
interrupts the sense.
p. 229, 1.26 wherever. 1724 ' whenever '.
p. 230, 1. i wbom. 410 1690 'which '.
p. 230, 1.34 stand. 410 1690 'stands',
p. 231, 1.24 Smoke. 1724 'Tobacco'.
p. 2 3 1) 1. 28 Exit Nell. I have supplied this stage direction,
p. 231, 1. 34 paulter. 1724 'paultry '. Vide critical note on this passage,
p. 232, 1. 8 and Nell ivith drink, pipes, etc. I have supplied these words,
p. 232,1. 19 take. 4to 1690 'took',
p. 232, 1.34 an. 4101690 'on*,
p. 233, 1.28 the Bob. 1 724 'a Bob',
p. 234,1. 28 Guinea. 410 1690 ' Guinia'.
p. 235, 1.17 The Council-Table. I have supplied this locale,
p. 235, 1. 22 give. My own emendation : previous editions ' be '.
p. 236, 1. 12 make. 410 1690 'have*.
p. 237, 1.6 Down. I say. 410 1690 wrongly gives this speech to Dunce,
p. 238, 1.25 Ifwewou'd. 1724 'If he wou'd'.
p. 239, 1. 25 Jeffery. I have supplied the name here from the following line,
p. 239, 1. 31 Exit. Not noted in former editions,
p. 240, 1. 2 of a Baboon. 4to 1 690 ' of Baboone '.
p. 240, 1. 5 Tumbler. 410 1690 misprints ' Fumbler*.
p. 241, 11. 15, 18 Pound. 1724 'Pounds'.
p. 242, 1.32 Sure, reads. 410 1690 and 1724 'she reads', which is ambiguous,
p. 243, 1. 1 6 de la guerre. 4to 1 690 ' de la gare '.
p. 244, 1. 17 They join with Surelove. Only in 410 1690.
p. 245, 1. 21 have Charms. 1724 ' have those Charms '.
p. 245, 1. 28 Mediator. 1 724 ' Meditator '.
p. 245, 1. 3Z would make me lay the Conqueror. 1724 'would lay me a
Conqueror '.
p. 248, 1. 12 knip. 1724 mis-spells this rare word ' nip*,
p. 252, 1. 36 A Scots Dance. 1724 'A Scotch Dance.'
p. 253, 1.28 Billet-Douxs. 410 1690 ' Billet- Deaxs*.
p. 254, 1. 12 Drinking all this while sometimes. Only in 410 1690.
p. 255, 1. 1 6 Pulls a Bottle. 410 1690 ' Pull* out a Bottle*.
NOTES
p. 255, 1.28 Drinks. Only in 4to 1690.
p. 256, 1.31 durst. 410 1690 ' darst '.
p.258, 1.26 Enter Brag. Both 4to 1690 and 1724 have 'Enter a Messenger',
and give 1. 27 speech-prefix ' Mes.' Both, however, give the next speech
he speaks (1. 33) to Brag and have later 'Exit Brag.'
p. 259, 1. 5 Whimsey. Both 4to 1690 and 1724 here and elsewhere cut the
name down to ' Whim.'
p. 259, 1. 9 wish'd that the Plot. 4to 1690 * wish'd the Plot '.
p. 261, 1.17 care. 1724 'ear*,
p. 262, 1. 25 Wellman 's Guards. 4to 1690 'Wellman, his Guards'. But
Wellman has not left the stage. The comma printed by 1690 is
probably a mistake and we should read ' Wellman his Guards '.
p. 263, 1.24 Exit. 4to 1690 gives no direction. 1724 has 'Exeunt.' But
Timorous is left alone on the stage.
p. 264, 1. i hollow. 4to 1690 'hallow',
p. 266, 1. 15 That. Omitted in 4to 1690.
p. 270, 1. 8 Exeunt. 4to 1690 gives no stage direction here.
p. 272, 1.28 'tis a little of the D breed. \_dc] 410 1690. 1724 ''tis little
of the D breed'.
p. 274, 1. i baste with. 1724 'haste you with'.
p. 275, 1. 28 stands and stares a 'while. 1724 'stands a while and stares',
p. 277, 1. 28 shall be. 4to 1690 'shall not be',
p. 279, 1. 12 Priests. 4to 1690 'Priest.'
p. 289. 1. 10 draia. 410 1690 'draws', but not as a stage direction,
p. 289, 1.21 Scene III. I have numbered this scene,
p. 290, 1. 14 Daring^ looks. 4to 1690 'Daring, and looks',
p. 290, 1. 31 devote. 1724 'divorce', a bad error,
p. 290, 1. 33 the fittest. 1724 'a fit',
p. 295, 1. 9 Exeunt. 4to 1690 'Ex.' 1724 'Exit*,
p. 296, 1. 8 Exeunt. I have supplied this necessary stage direction,
p. 296, 1. 1 1 beat. 4to 1690 'beating',
p. 296, 1. 13 fight) lay. 4to 1690 'fight, so that they lay',
p. 296, 1. 22 All go out. Previous editions 'Goes out.'
p. 296, 1. 23 Scene II. I have numbered this scene,
p. 298, 1. 26 All Exeunt. I have added this direction,
p. 298, 1. 27 Scene III. I have numbered this scene,
p. 299, 1. 12 submission. 1724 'Admission',
p. 299, 1.17 Pauwomungian. 410 1690 'Pauwmungian'.
p. 300, 1. 2 After Noise. 1724 omits 'After',
p. 303, 1. 1 6 They go out. Previous editions 'Goes out.'
p. 303, 1. 23 Scene IV. Changes to another part of the Wood. All previous
editions ' Scene changes to a Wood.'
p. 304, 1. 21 are. 410 1690 'is',
p. 305, 1. 12 go out. 410 1690 'goes out'.
p. 305, 1. 21 Whimsey. In former editions abbreviated to 'Whim.'
p. 306, 1. 9 Exeunt. Former editions 'Exit Dunce.'
p. 306, 1. 10 Scene V. I have numbered this scene,
p. 306, 1. 1 8 Lover's. 410 1690 'Love's',
p. 306, 1. 20 more. 1724 omits.
NOTES 409
p. 306, 1. 32 and the resf. Previous editions and officers', but plainly all
the characters of the preceding scene assemble,
p. 307, 1. 21 ffbat has be, Mistress f 410 1690 omits,
p. 309, 1. 1 Epilogue. It will be noted that with some trifling alterations
this is the Prologue to Abdelaxar.
THE YOUNGER BROTHER.
p. 316, l.i The Epistle Dedicatory. This only appears in 410 1696. It is
there followed by An Account of the Life of the Incomparable Mrs. BEHN,
an entirely worthless composition of some three pages, afterwards vastly
expanded into Memoirs ' by one of the Fair Sex '.
p. 316, 1.21 The narroiv Virtues . . . [wfr/cA] -were. 4to 1696 omits 'which'
but it is necessary that this or some similar word be inserted to make
the paragraph sufficiently grammatical.
p. 319, 1.9 an Intriguer. 410 1696 'the intrigues'.
p. 319, 1. 17 Mistress young. 410 1696 erroneously gives ' young ' as a proper
name ' Mistress Young'.
p. 321 Dramatis Persona. I have added 'Philip; Diana; Pages, Footmen,
Masqueraders, Servants, Rakehells, &c.' 410 1696 spells Britton
'Brittone* ; Mr. Pinketham 'Mr. Pinkerman.' Powell is indifferently
spelt ' Powell ' or ' Powel*.
p. 327, 1.2 be. 410 1696 omits.
p. 327, 1. 7 Prince. Here and in 11. 1 1 and 1 9 all former editions give speech-
prefix 'Fred', but afterwards uniformly 'Prince' throughout the play.
p. 329, 1.31 a. 4to 1696 omits.
p. 329, 1. 34 Tablets i 410 1696 gives 'Tablets write:' which is obviously
a misprint for 'Tablets written :' or, perhaps, 'Tablets writ'.
p. 330, 1.23 Caudle. Here, and in the following line, 410 1696 misprints
'Candle'.
p. 332, 1.22 set. 1724 'sit*.
P- 337 1-7 Sir Mer. 410 1696 misprints 'Sir Mark.'
P- 337 ! *9 George Kneels. I have inserted ' George '.
p. 337, 1. 20 Ay, Sir. 410 1696 marks this line 'Aside.' An obvious error.
p.33i,l.io Sir Rowland. 4to 1696 'Sir Merlin'.
p. 338, 1. 1 6 Chaplain [Mr. Twang], and leaning. 410 1696 'her Chaplain,
and leaning '. I have inserted Twang's name and given in 1. 19 speech-
prefix 'Twang' which all former editions mark 'Chap.', altering, how
ever, to 'Twang' later in this scene at 'Truly, Madam'.
p. 339, 1. 20 cuckold. 410 1696 'Cuckhold'.
P- 339 ! 34 The End of the First Act. Only in 410 1696.
p. 340, 1. 2 Sir Rowland's Lodging. I have supplied this locale.
p. 340, 1.29 Lookye. 410 1696 has '(Alone.) Lookye' an obvious error.
( Alone.)' is probably a misprint for '(Aloud.)' which is of itself quite
unnecessary.
p. 341, 1.13 Hearts. 410 1696 ' Heats'.
p. 342, 1. 3 'twill. 410 1696 ' will '.
p. 342, 1.19 India. 410 1696 'Indian'.
p. 343, 1. 1 3 A Chamber. I have supplied this locale.
p. 346, 1. 17 Hackney-Coach. 410 1696 'Hackney*.
NOTES
p. 346, 1. 31 pimp. 410 1696 misprints * Pump '.
p. 348, 1.8 they. 4to 1696 omits.
p. 349, 1. 29 Sir Morgan Blunder's. 4to 1696 'Sir M. Blun.'
p. 350, 1. 24 Another Chamber. I have supplied this locale.
p. 351, 1. 10 another. 4to 1696 adds to this stage direction* Sir Mer. together.'
p. 352, 1. 7 a Tendre. 1724 omits * a '.
p. 353, l.i i too. 4101696*10'.
p. 354, 1. 2 A rich Chamber. I have supplied this locale.
p. 358, 1.4 Expectations. 1724 * Expectation'.
p. 358, 1. 34 Olivia enters. 410 1696 reads 'Enter Olivia with a letter. Olivia
gives Welborn the letter.'
P-359l-33 Enter Sir Morgan. Before the couplet 4to 1696 repeats 'Sir
Morg. and Sir Merl. singing.'
p. 360, 1. 10 de. 1724 here and elsewhere 'd'ye',
p. 362, 1. 18 you. 410 1696 'thou'.
p. 363, 1. 17 Whither ? 410 1696 'Whether?'
p. 367, 1. 26 Exeunt. I have added this stage direction,
p. 370, 1. 30 Exit Prince ivith Mirtilla. Former editions 'and Mirtilla'.
p. 371, 1.14 Exit. 4to 1696 'Exit George.'
p. 373, 1. 15 Exeunt. 410 1696 'Exit both.'
p. 373, 1. 23 of thy hopes. 4to 1696 omits 'of.
P- 373> ! 3 2 ru ffl e t ravish, and ruin. 4to 1696 'Ruffles, Ravishes, and Ruines'.
p. 374, 1.8 Racks. 410 1696 'Wrecks',
p. 374, 1. 35 feebly. 1724 ' freely '. A patent error,
p. 375> ! 4 near to being. 1724 'near being'.
P* 375* ! 33 Exeunt. Not in 410 1696.
p. 376, 1. i Scene II. I have numbered this scene, and the following (p. 378,
1. 1 6.) Scene III.
P- 379> 1-33 S' r Merlin 'with his Sword. 410 1696 ' Sir Merlin his Sword '.
p. 380, 1. 19 she cries out. 1724 omits 'out*,
p. 381, 1. 17 My Lady's maid. I have inserted these words,
p. 383, 1. 27 Welborn 's Chamber. I have marked this locale,
p. 385, 1.13 him. r724*them'.
p. 386, 1. 18 has. 410 1696 'had',
p. 386, 1.24 Mirtilla. All previous editions here have 'Lydia', which
makes no sense. It is probable that the original name of Mirtilla was
Lydia, and Mrs. Behn, or Gildon, neglected to alter it in this passage,
p. 388, 1. 28 Scene III. All previous editions have ' Scene discovers Mirtilla
and Manage.'
p. 388, 1.35 you have left. 1724 'you left '.
p. 393, 1. 17 Exit Olivia with Manage. I have added Manage's name here,
p. 394, 1. i Scene IV. I have numbered this scene,
p. 398, 1. 26 FougA t bow be stinks ! 4to 1696 ' Fough, he how he stinks? '
NOTES : CRITICAL AND EXPLANATORY.
SIR PATIENT FANCY.
p. 7 to ibo"w their breeding (as Bays sayes). cf. The Rehearsal, ii, u :
I King. You must begin, Monfoy.
z King. Sweet, Sir, Pardonnet may.
Bayes. Mark that : I makes 'em both speak French to shew their breeding.
p. 14. Armida. cf. Tasso's La Gerusalcmme Liber ata, canto xiv, &c. Armida
is called Corcereis owing to the beauty and wonder of her enchanted
garden. Corcyra was the abode of King Alcinous, cf whose court,
parks and orchards a famous description is to be found in the seventh
Odyssey. Martial (xiii, 37), speaks of *Corcyraei horti', a proverbial
phrase,
p. 20 Mum budget. *Mum budget', meaning 'hush', was originally the name
of a children's game which required silence, cf. Merry ffii-es of
Windsor, v, iv : 'I . . . cried mum and she cried budget.' cf. also the
term Whist',
p. 22 Beginning at Eight. The idea of this little speech is, of course, from
Bonnecorse's La Montre, Mrs. Behn's translation of which will be
found with an introduction in Vol. VI, p. I.
p. 22 tbeBergere. cf. The Feign d Curtezam (Vol. II, p. 346) : The hour
of the Berjere' ; and the note on that passage (p. 441).
p. 32 Ay and No Man. cf. Prologue to The False Count (Vol. Ill, p. 100) :
'By Yea and Nay' ; and note on that passage (p. 480).
p. 44 Within a Mile of an Oak. A proverbial saw. cf. D'Urfcy's Don
Quixote (1696), III, Act v, i, where Teresa cries: *The Ass was lost
yesterday, and Master Carasco tells us your Worship can tell within a
mile of an Oak where he is.'
p. 44 Rustick Antick. A quaint country dance,
p. 62 Hypallages. A figure of speech by which attributes are transferred
from their proper subjects to others,
p. 62 Belli fugaces. Ovid, Amorum, I, 9, has ' Militat omnis amans et habct
sua castra Cupido', and the idea is common. I have made no attempt
to correct the tags of Latinity in this play. Mrs. Behn openly confessed
she knew no Latin, and she was ill supplied here. I do not conceive
that the words are intentionally faulty and grotesque. Lady Knowell
is a pedant, but not ignorant,
p. 65 Madame Brenvilliers. Marie-Marguerite d'Aubray, Marquise de
Brinvilliers, was executed at Paris 16 July, 1676.
p. 66 Bilbo-Blade* ! Or oftener bilbo-lords ',= swash-bucklera. cf. Tbt
Pilgrim (folio, 1647), v, vi, where Juletta calls the old angry Alphonso
My Bilbo Master',
p. 70 -whip slap-dash. These nonsensical bywords, which were very popular,
are continually in the mouth of Sir Samuel Harty, a silly coxcomb in
412 NOTES
Shadwell's The Virtuoso (1676). Nokes, who was acting Sir Credulous,
had created Sir Samuel Harty.
p. 71 The Bell in Friday-street. The Bell was an inn of note in Friday
Street, Cheapside. cf. Cal. State Papers (1603-10, p. 455): * Sir Thomas
Estcourt ... to Thomas Wilson. Is about to leave London and
proffers his services. If he has occasion to write to him he may have
weekly messengers ... at the Bell, Friday Street.'
p. 79 tK Exercise. The puritanical term for private worship, cf. 1663
Flagellum ; or, 0. Crom well (167 2), 21. ' The Family was called together
to prayers ; at which Exercise . . . they continued long.' cf. The Round-
beads (Vol. I), Act ii, i: 'his Prayers; from which long-winded Exercise
I have of late withdrawn my self.'
p. 83 Mirabilis. Aqua mirabilis, a well-known invigorating cordial, cf.
Dryden's Marriage a la Mode (i 672), iii, i : * The country gentlewoman
. . . who . . . opens her dear bottle of Mirabilis beside, for a gill glass
of it at parting.'
p. 84 Tranghams. Nick-nacks, toys, trinkets, cf. Arbuthnot, History of John
Ball (1712-3), Pt. n, c. vi: 'What's che meaning of all these trangrams
and gimcracks?'
p. 92 to souse, cf. Florio (ed. 1611): 'to leape or seaze greedily upon, to
souze downe as a hauke.'
p. 93 this Balatroon. A rogue. The word is very rare. cf. Cockeram (1623):
'Ballatron, a rascally base knave.'
p. 95 Rotat omnefatum. This would be an exceptionally rare use of rotare=
rotari, intransitive. But Mrs. Behn, as Dryden tells us in his preface
to the translation of Ovid's Heroides (1680) 'by many hands', insisted
upon the fact that she knew no Latin.
p. 100 Medicina Professores. This is from the Troisieme Intermede of Le
Malade Imaginaire, which commences :
Savantissimi doctores,
Medicinae professores,
Qui hie assemblati estis ;
Et vos, altri messiores,
Sententiarum facultatis.
p. 101 Vanderbergen. A well-known empiric of the day.
p. 1 02 Haly the Moore, and Rabbi Isaac. Ali Bey (Bobrowski), a Polish scholar,
died at Constantinople 1675. He wrote, amongst other treatises, De
Circumcisione ; De Aegrotorum Visitatione. These were published at
Oxford in 1691. Isaac Levita or Jean Isaac Levi was a celebrated
rabbi of the sixteenth century. A professor at Cologne, he practised
medicine and astrology.
p. 104 Stetin. Stettin, the capital of Pomerania, was one of the chief towns
of the Hanseatic league. Occupied by Sweden 1637-1713, it was the
centre of continual military operations.
p. 105 A Dutch Butter-ferkin, a Kilderkin. These terms are common abuse
as applied to a corpulent person. A firkin (Mid. Dut., vierdekijn) =
a small cask for holding liquids or butter ; originally half-a-kilderkin.
Dictionary of the Canting Crew (1700) has 'Firkin of foul Stuff; a ...
Coarse, Corpulent Woman', cf. Dryden's MacFlecknoe (1682) :
NOTES 4 1 3
A Tun of Man in thy large Bulk is writ,
But sure thou'rt but a Kilderkin of wit.
Shadwell was extremely gross in habit and of an unwieldy sire,
p.ioj Toping and Napping. ' To top' and to nap ' are slang terms signifying
to cheat, especially with dice. cf. R. Head, Canting Academy (1673),
*What chance of the dye is soonest thrown in topping, shoring,
palming, napping.' Both words occur very frequently, and arc amply
explained in the Slang Dictionaries,
p. 105 Cater-Tray. Quatre-trois ; a cast at dice.
p. 1 1 2 Good morrow. Wittmore quotes the opening lines of Volpont, Act i, i :
Good morning to the day ; and next my gold !
Open the shrine that I may see my saint.
Hail the world's soul and mine !
p. 1 1 5 Jobn-a-Nokes. The fictitious name for the one party in a legal action.
The term came to have the same meaning as * Jack-hold-my-staff* = any
fool or nincompoop.
p. 116 yizard*Ma*k. The commonest Restoration synonym for a < bona
roba', especially as plying the theatre.
THE AMOROUS PRINCE.
p. 121 Great Johnson's -way. cf. what Mrs. Behn says in her 'Epistle to the
Reader' prefacing The Dutch Lover (Vol. I, p. 224), of the Jonsonian
enthusiast : * a man the most severe of Johnson's Sect.'
p. 121 Nokes and Angel. The two celebrated low comedians. Angel died
in the spring of 1673. He was a great farceur, but gagged unmerci
fully, to the no small annoyance of the poets.
p. 121 Cataline. Jonson's tragedy was revived with great splendour at the
King's House, Friday, 18 December, 1668, and remained a stock play
until the retirement of Hart (who excelled in Catiline) at the Union in
1682. Michael Mohun was famous in Cethegus, and Mrs. Corey in
Sempronia. Pepys found the play itself rather dull as a whole 'though
most fine in clothes, and a fine Scene of the Senate, and of a fight, as
ever I saw in my life.' A year before its actual production his crony,
Harry Harris, a member of the rival theatre had ' talked of Catiline
which is to be suddenly acted at the King's House ; and there all agree
that it cannot be well done at that house, there not being good actors
enough ; and Burt acts Cicero, which they all conclude he will not be
able to do well. The King gives them 500 for robes, there being, at
they say, to be sixteen scarlet robes.' (n December, 1667.) In the
first quarto (1672), of Buckingham's The Rehearsal, Bayes refers to
Catiline saying that his design in a certain scene is Roman cloatht,
guilded Truncheons, forc'd conceipt, smooth Verse, and a Rant.' The
words ' Roman cloaths ' are omitted in all subsequent editions.
p. 121 the comick Hat. In 1670 there was produced at the Theatre Royal,
Dryden's The Conquest of Granada, Part i. The witty prologue was
' spoken by Mrs. Ellen Gwyn ' (who acted Almahide) ' in a Broad-
Brimm'd Hat, and Waist Belt'. It commences thus :
This jest was first of t'other house's making,
And five times tried, has never fail'd of taking ;
414 NOTES
For 'twere a shame a poet should be kill'd
Under the shelter of so broad a shield.
This is the hat, whose very sight did win ye
To laugh and clap as tho' the devil were in ye.
As then, for Nokes, so now I hope you'll be
So dull, to laugh, once more, for love of me.
Two slightly different explanations are given of the jest. Theatrical
tradition has it that Dryden supplied Nell Gwynne, who was plump and
petite, with this hat of the circumference of a cart wheel, in ridicule of a
hat worn by Nokes of the Duke's company whilst playing Ancient Pistol.
It is again said that in May, 1670, whilst the Court was at Dover to
receive the Duchess of Orleans, the Duke's Company played there Shad-
well's The Sullen Lovers, and Caryl's Sir Salomon} or, The Cautious Coxcomb,
in which latter comedy Nokes acted Sir Arthur Addle, a bawling fop.
The dress of the French gallants attending the Duchess was characterised
by an excessively short laced scarlet or blue coat, a very broad waist-
belt and a wide-leaved hat. Nokes appeared on the stage in a still
shorter coat, a huger waist-belt, and a hat of preposterous dimensions.
The Duke of Monmouth buckled his own sword to the actor's side, and,
according to old Downes, our comedian looked more like a dressed-up
ape or a quiz on the French than Sir Arthur Addle. The English Court
was straightway convulsed with laughter at this mimicry, which seems,
to say the least, in highly questionable taste. When Nell Gwynne
appeared and burlesqued the biter, Charles II, who was present at the
first performance of The Conquest of Granada, well nigh died of merri
ment, and her verve in delivering Dryden's witty lines wholly com
pleted her conquest of the King. Nell Gwynne did not appear on the
boards after 1670.
p. 1 2 1 The Jig and Dance, cf. note (on p. 43), Vol. Ill, p. 477 : A Jigg (The
To'wn Fop). The Jig is in this prologue clearly distinct from a dance.
Act iv, sc. in (p. 185): ' Cloris dances a Jig' (i.e. the simple dance).
p. 133 Capriol. Capriole (French) signifies a leap made by a horse without
advancing.
p. 140 Clarina, why thus clouded ? Similar expressions in Davenant's The
Siege of Rhodes (410 1663), Part i, the Second Entry:
Mustapha. I bring the morning pictur'd in a cloud.
And in Sir William Barclay's The Lost Lady (folio, 1639), Act ii :
Enter Phillida veiled -who talks to Ergasto aside and then goes out.
Clean. From what part of the town comes this fair day
In a cloud that makes you look so cheerfully?
are burlesqued in The Rehearsal, iii, v:
Voh. Can vulgar vestments high-born beauty shroud ?
Thou bring'st the Morning pictur'd in a Cloud.
p. 164 ... is welcome. Buckingham parodies this in The Rehearsal, iv, in:
Cordelia. My lieges, news from Vohcius the prince.
Usher. His news is welcome, whatso'er it be.
Smith, How, sir, do you mean that ? Whether it be good or bad ?
NOTES 4 1 5
p. 172 tabering. Beating on ; tapping ; drumming. This rare word occur*
in Nabum, ii, vii : * Her maids shall lead her as with the voice of doves
tabering upon their breasts.'
p. 1 80 Hansel d. To handsel is to inaugurate with some ceremony of an
auspicious kind. e.g. to begin the New Year by presenting a new
comer with a gift.
p. 1 83 She leapt into the River. The Rehearsal, Act v, burlesques this : * Tt>e
Argument of the Fifth Act . . . Claris in despair, drowns herself: and
Prince Pretty-man, discontentedly, walks by the River side.'
p. 1 88 foutering. Pouter (Fr. foutrc; Lat. futuerc), verbum obscatnum. cf.
the noun in phrase 'to care not a fouter' (footra, footrc, foutrc),
2 Henry IV, v, HI. To * fouter' is also used (a vulgarism and a pro
vincialism) in a much mitigated sense = to meddle about aimlessly, to
waste time and tongue doing nothing, as of a busybody.
p. 189 Niperkin. This would seem to be a slang expression, as Grose gives
it meaning 'a small measure'. It was also used for the actual stone
jug. cf. D'Urfey, Pills to Purge Melancholy (1719) : * Quart-pot, Pint-
pot, nipperkin.' N.E.D., quoting this passage, explains as a small
quantity of wine, ale, or spirits.'
p. 190 Campbire Posse t. Camphor had a high reputation as an antaphrodisiac.
cf. Dryden, The Spanish Friar (1681), Act i, where Gomez says of
his wife: 'I'll get a physician that shall prescribe her an ounce of
camphire every morning, for her breakfast, to abate incontinency ' ;
also Congreve, The Way of the World (1700), iv, xu: 'You are all
camphire and frankincense, all chastity and odour.'
THE WIDOW RANTER.
p. 221 Madam Wclldon. This Dedicatory Epistle only appears in 410 1690.
The lady doubtless belonged to a branch of the famous Wcldons, of
Swanscombe, Kent, and is probably to be identified with Madam Lucy
Weldon, nit Necton, the wife of Colonel George Weldon.
p. 222 G. J. Almost certainly George Jenkins, of whom we have two copies
of complimentary verse prefixed to La Montre, or The Lover's Watch,
vide Vol. VI, pp. 9-1 1.
p. 223 Prologue. This prologue was first spoken to Shad well's comedy, Tbt
True Widow, produced at the Duke's Theatre, Dorset Garden, 21 March,
1678, and it is printed with all copies of that play. It was, no doubt,
used on the present occasion by permission of Dryden. It will be noticed
that the Epilogue to The Widow Ranter is the Prologue to Abdelazar.
p. 223 Muss. A scramble, cf. Antony and Cleopatra, iii, 13:
... of late, when I cried 'Ho !'
Like boys unto a muss, Kings would start forth,
And cry 'Your will?'
p. 226 a Cogue of Brandy. * Cogue ' is a Kentish word. Kent Glossary (i 887),
has cogue ; a dram of brandy'; and Wright, Eng. Dial. Dic n who giM
'cogue' as exclusively Kentish, assigns precisely the same meaning.
D'Urfey, however, Pills to Purge Melancholy (1719), v, ? 3JI, has
'a cogue of good ale*.
4 1 6 NOTES
p. 227 Groom Porter's. The Groom Porter was an officer of the Royal
Household. This post was abolished in the reign of George III. From
the sixteenth century he regulated all matters connected with card
playing, gambling, and dicing within the precincts of the court. He
even furnished cards and dice, and settled disputes concerning the game.
p. 227 high and low Flats and Bars. i.e. Doctored dice. cf. Chamber's Cycl.
Supp. (1753)* 'Barr Dice, a species of false dice so formed that they
will not easily lie on certain sides.' This cant term is found as early
as 1545. cf. Ascham's Toxophilus. Flats are also cards. (Grose, and
J. H. Vaux, Flash Die.}
p. 231 shier. Schire= clear ; pure. A Gaelic word. cf. Herd, Scotch Songs
(2nd ed. 1776), n, Gloss. 'We call clear liquor shire'.
p. 231 paulter. Mean; worthless. This rare form is perhaps found only here.
The N. E. D. does not give it. But we have * paltering ' and ' palterly '.
p. 232 Hoggerds. A rare word, being obsolete for Hogherd. cf. De Fare's
Francion, iv, 3 (tr. 1655): 'Our Regent (who had in him no more
humanity than a Hoggard).'
p. 23 3 trusting for old Oliver's Funeral broke. The obsequies of Oliver Crom
well, originally fixed for 9 November, 1658, owing to the extraordinary
magnificence of the preparations were not performed until 23 November.
For many days his waxen effigy, dressed in robes of state, was exhibited
at Somerset House. The expenses totalled 60,000, and it was a public
scandal that a great part of this wanton and wasteful extravagance
remained unpaid, to the undoing of the undertakers. On 25 August,
1659, Li the Kalendar of State Affairs ( 'Domestic J, the following occurs:
' Report by the Committee appointed by Parliament to examine what
is due for mourning for the late General Cromwell, that on perusal of
the bills signed by Cromwell's servants, and of the account of Abr.
Barrington, his auditor, it appears that ,i9j3O3 Oi. \\d. is still due
and unpaid for mourning. Also that Nath. Waterhouse, servant to
Rich. Cromwell, should be authorized to see the persons in a list
[missing] annexed for that mourning. Col. Rich to make this report.
Schedule of debts due to 1 1 mercers and drapers for the funeral of the
late General Cromwell. Total 19,303 os. lid.'
p. 233 they bear the Bob. i.e. They join in the chorus or refrain.
p. 240 sho'veing the Tumbler. ' Thieves' cant for being whipped at the cart's
tail.' (Grose). Tumbler, perhaps = tumbril.
p. 240 lifting. Filching. This slang term is very old and common.
p. 240 filing the Cly. ' Thieves' cant for picking a pocket.' (Grose). * Cly,'
a pocket.
p. 240 Regalio. An obsolete and, indeed, erroneous form of ' regalo ', an
elegant repast ; choice food or drink. The word is very common, and
the spelling, ' Regalio ', is frequent in the second half of the seventeenth
century.
p. 246 Anticks. Quaint fantastic measures. A favourite word with Mrs.Behn.
p. 248 to knip. To clip. (Dutch 'knippen ', to cut, snip.) N. E. D., neglect
ing this passage, only gives the meaning as to bite or crop (grass) of
cattle. It appends two quotations having this sense the one from
Dunbar's Poems (1500-20), the second from Douglas, Aeneis (1513).
NOTES 4 1 j
p. 25 2 Mundungus. Shag, or rank tobacco, cf. Sir R. Howard, The Com
mittee (folio, 1665), ii: <A Pipe of the worst Mundungus.' Shadwell,
The Humourists (1671), iii, speaks with contempt of bottle ale ...
and a pipe of Mundungus.' Johnson in his Dictionary (1755) has:
* Mundungus. Stinking tobacco. A cant word.'
pz6l a Bob. cf. Prologue, The False Count (Vol. Ill, p. 100), dry bobs,'
and note on that passage, pp. 479-80.
p. 263 barbicu. Better 'barbecu*. An Americanism meaning to broil over
live coals. Beverley, Virginia, iii, xn (1705), thus explains it : 'Broyl-
ing . . . at some distance above the live coals [the Indians] & we from
them call Barbecuing.' cf. Pope, Imitations of Horace, Sat. ii, 25, 26:
Oldfield with more than Harpy throat endued
Cries, 'Send me, Gods, a whole hog barbecued !'
p. 264 De-Wit. 'To De-Wit '= to lynch. The word often occurs; it is
derived from the deaths of John and Cornelius De Wit, opponents of
William III (when stadt-holder). They were murdered by a mob in
1672. cf. 'to godfrey'=to strangle, from the alleged murder of Sir
Edmond Bury Godfrey 1 in 1678. Crownc, Sir Courtly Nice (168;),
ii, n, has : 'Don't throttle me, don't Godfrey me.' The N.E.D. fails
to include 'to godfrey*.
p. 265 Dalton 1 s Country-Justice. A well-known work by the celebrated lawyer
Michael Dalton (1554-1620). It was long held in great repute and
regarded as supremely authoritative. On a page of advertisements
(Some Books printed this Year 1677. For John Amery, at the Peacock,
against St. Dunstan's Church in Fleet-street) in the Rover I (410 1677),
occurs 'The Country Justice, Containing the practice of the Justices of
the Peace, in and out of their Sessions, with an Abridgment of all
Statutes relating thereunto to this present Year 1677. By Michael
Dalton Esq ; Fol. price bound 1 28.* cf. The Plain Dealer (410 1 676), iii, i :
Widow Blackacre. Let's see Dalton, Hughs, Shepherd, Wingate.
Bookseller's Boy. We have no law books.
p. 266 a Cagg. Now corrupted to 'Keg', a small cask. cf. Cotgrave (i 6 1 1),
'Encacquer' to put in to a little barrell or cag. N.E.D. quotes this
present passage.
p. 279 Agah Terkin. The various dictionaries and vocabularies of the Indian
languages I have had resource to give none of these words. There is,
however, so great a confusion of Indian jargons and dialects that they
cannot be pronounced fictitious. Yet Mrs. Behn would hardly, even if
she had learned the language, have retained any exact knowledge of
such barbaric tongues, and one may almost certainly say that these cries
and incantations are her own composition. Amongst other authorities
I have consulted The Voyage of Robert Dudley . . . to the West Indies,
i594-5 edited by G. F. Warner for the Hakluyt Society (1889).
Dr. Brinton's Araivack Language of Guiana, an exhaustive monograph,
(Philadelphia, 1871.) M. M. Crevaux, Sagot, L. Adam, Grammaires tt
1 It is now pretty certainly established that this mclancholist committed
suicide.
IV EE
4 1 8 NOTES
Vocabulaires roucouyenne, arrouague,piapoco t etd'autresLangues dtla Region
des Guyanes (Paris, 1882). Relation des Missions . . . dans les Isles et dam
la terreferme dc I'Amerique Meridionale . . . avec une introduction h la
langue des Gabilis Sauvages (Paris, 1 65 5), by Father Pierre Pelleprat, S.J.
p. 279 Quiocto. Mrs. Behn probably meant to spell this word 'Quiyoughcto',
the sound being identical. There is in Virginia a river which in the
seventeenth century was called the 'Quiyough\ The inhabitants of
the banks of this river had mysterious or supernatural properties
ascribed to them. In the Voyages & Discoveries of Capt. John Smith
(1606), we have: 'They thinke that their Werowanees and Priests,
which they also esteeme Quiyoughcosughes, when they are dead, doe
goe beyond the mountaines towards the setting of the sun.' No doubt
Mrs. Behn knew this passage. I owe the above interesting note to the
kindness of my friend Mr. Gosse.
p. 284 Codecs. The original form of 'cadets' from the French pronuncia
tion. N. E. D. cites this passage as the earliest occurence of the word.
p. 293 Cadeeing. The verb 'to cadee' is only found here and may be a nonce
phrase. N. E. D. does not include it.
p. 293 to top Tobacco, i.e. to cultivate our tobacco plantations.
p. 295 Flambeaux. Mrs. Behn (or, haply, George Jenkins, the first editor of
The ffidoiu Ranter), here uses the ordinary form 'flambeaux' as a
plural. In The Emperor of the Moon (Vol. Ill, p. 418), she writes
'a Flambeaux'. In addition to the example from Herbert which I give
in my note (Vol. Ill, p. 475), I find a plural ' FlambeauxV used by
Mrs. Manley. cf. Secret Memoirs & Manners of Several Persons of
Quality of Both Sexes from the Neiv Atalanth (1709, the Second Edition),
Vol. I, p. 88 : 'She but thinks of an expensive Funeral, white Flam-
beaux's, Chariots, Horses, Streamers, and a Train of Mourners.'
p. 302 Starters, i.e. cowards, cf. The Double Marriage (Fletcher and
Massinger, folio 1647), ii, i :
Master. We'll spare her our main-top-sail ;
She shall not look us long, we are no starters.
Down with the fore-sail too ! we'll spoom before her.
cf. also The Lucky Chance, i, i : 'lam no Starter.' (Vol. Ill, p. 193),
and note on that passage, p. 485.
p. 302 rubbing off. Very common slang still in use for 'making off',
'clearing out', cf. Shadwell's The Virtuoso (1676), Act v, sc. in,
the Masquerade, where Sir Samuel Harty says : 'Who held my sword
while I danc'd? ... A curse on him ! he's rubb'd off with it !'
p. 303 Dullman and Timorous. No entrance has been marked for these two
characters, and I have not ventured to insert one owing to the fact that
this fifth Act has been so cut (e.g. the omission of the Indian King's
ghost, as noted by Jenkins in the Dedication) and mutilated that it
would be perilous to make any insertion or alteration here as the copy
now stands. We may suppose these two coward justices to have rushed
on in one of the many m6l6es.
p. 304 Hannibal. Hannibal, when betrayed by Prusias, King of Bithynia, at
whose court he had taken refuge, poisoned himself rather than fall into
the hands of the Romans.
NOTES
p. 309 Epilogue. This Epilogue it, it will be noted, almost precisely the
same as the Prologue to Abdelazer. In line 32 we have 'Basset* in
place of the obsolescent game, Beasts' (damn'd Beasts). Basset, which
resembled Faro, was first played at Venice, cf. Evelyn's Diarj, 1645
(Ascension Week at Venice) : 'We went to the Ghetto de San Felice,
to see the noblemen and their ladies at basset, a game at cards which
is much used.' It became immensely popular in England. Evelyn, in
his famous description of 'the inexpressible luxury and profaneneu,
gaming, and all dissoluteness* on the Sunday se'nnight before the death
of Charles II, specially noted that 'about twenty of the great courtiers
and other dissolute persons were at Basset round a large table, a bank
of at least 2000 in gold before them.'
THE YOUNGER BROTHER.
p. 316 Collonel Codrington. Christopher Codrington (1668-1710) was born
at Barbadoes, and thence sent to England to be educated. In 1685 he
passed as a gentleman commoner to Christ Church, Oxford. Five years
later he was elected as a probationer fellow to All Souls. Here he speedily
became known for the catholicity and thoroughness of his studies, and
'oon acquir'd the deserv'd character of an accomplished, well-bred
gentleman, and an universal scholar'. He was already an enthusiastic
bibliophile. In 1694 he followed William III to Flanders, and having
fought with great gallantry at Hay and Namurin 1695, received various
military distinctions. In the same year he attended the King to Oxford,
and pronounced the university oration on this royal visit. There are dedi
cations to him by Creech, Dennis, and others, but it has been pertinently
remarked that 'his fame is rather to be inferred* hence 'than from
actually existent performances on his part', albeit we have copies of
complimentary verses (e.g. prefixed to Garth's Diifeniary) from his pen.
In 1697 he succeeded his father as commander-in-chief of the Leeward
Isles. He does not seem to have been popular, and resigned in 1703,
retiring to a life of seclusion and study on his Barbadoes estate. He
died 7 April, 1710, and his body was brought back to England to be
buried in All Souls' chapel. To this college he left 10,000, and
6,000 worth of books, a legacy which built, furnished and endowed
the magnificent Codrington library there.
p. 3 1 7 Mr. Vcrbruggent reading tome of bit fart. One may remember the
incident recorded by Pepys (2 February, 1669), how, after Kynastoo
had been assaulted by Sedley's bravos, and was too ill to appear, the
young actor's role was 'done by Beeston, who is fain to read it oat of
a book all the while and thereby spoils the part, and almost the play,
it being one of the best parts in it. ... But it was pleasant to see
Beeston come in with others, supposing it to be dark, and yet he is
forced to read his part by the light of the candles : and this I observing
to a gentleman that sat by me, he was mightily pleased therewith, and
spread it up and down.'
p. 3 1 9 grave Sir Roger. ' Sir Roger ' was a common nickname for any clergy
man from the well-known comic character 'Sir Roger, Curate to the
420 NOTES
Lady', in Beaumont and Fletcher's popular The Scornful Lady. This
excellent play, a rare favourite with Restoration audiences, kept the
boards until the death of Mrs. Oldfield in 1730. After the great actress'
demise it would seem that none of her successors ventured to attempt
the title-role, hence the piece soon fell out of the repertory. In 1783,
however, an alteration, made by Cooke the barrister for Mrs. Abington,
was produced with great success at Covent Garden. In this meagre
adaptation the Curate disappears. Shanks originally acted this part, but
Lacy was the acknowledged 'Sir Roger' in Restoration days.
p. 326 making Wax Babies. Playing at dolls.
p. 330 Southampton Square. The original name of Bloomsbury Square, so
called from the Earl of Southampton's town residence, afterwards
Bedford House. Southampton Square was at this period, and for long
afterwards, the headquarters of fashion in the metropolis : vide further,
Vol. Ill, The Toivn Fop, p. 22, 'Southampton House,' and note on that
passage (p. 476).
p. 331 Mr. Motteux. Peter Anthony Motteux was a French Hugenot who
came to England upon the restoration of the Edict of Nantes (1685).
He soon mixed with the gayest society, and became well known as
a prolific writer of songs, prologues, epilogues, masques, and the lighter
dramatic fare. Much of this work is not lacking in wit and volatile
smartness, but it is all far too ephemeral to have any permanent value
as literature. He edited The Gentleman's Journal, but is perhaps best
remembered for his translation of Don Quixote, and his concluding
Urquhart's version of Rabelais.
p. 331 the Rose. This celebrated house stood in Russell Street, Covent
Garden, and adjoined Drury Lane. There are innumerable references
to it. The greater portion of the 'Rose' was demolished in 1776,
when a new front was being built to the theatre.
p. 331 scours, i.e. violently assaults. 'To scour' was to rampage the streets,
breaking windows, fighting with passers-by, beating the watch, &c.
Shadwell has an excellent comedy, The Scoivrers (1691), which, giving
a vivid picture of the times, show these drunken and blackguardly
gentry in a very unamiable light. Several plays treat of their exploits.
Vanbrugh's The Provoked Wife (1696), Act iii, u, and iv, n and iv, is
perhaps the locus classical for mohocking.
p. 3 3 3 the Poet Sternhold. Thomas Sternhold (ob. 1 549), was the author with
John Hopkins (ob. 1570), of a metrical version of the Psalms, which
became a bye- word for doggerel. Sir Morgan is, of course, alluding
to some pious rhymes groaned on the way to the triple tree. cf. Shad-
well, The Miser (1672), i, i, 'She would be more welcome to thee
than a reprieve would, if thou wert just now trolling out Hopkins and
Sternhold upon a ladder.'
p. 333 Blllmen in Flannel. Bills were the common weapon of the watch,
cf. The Coxcomb (folio 1647), Act i, where Ricardo says to the constable
of the watch, 'Give me the bill, for I'll be the sergeant.' Doctor John
son tells us that the Lichfield watchmen carried bills as late as 1778.
p. 333 Wills' Coffee-house, vide Vol. Ill, Preface, The Lucky Chance, p. 187,
and note on that passage (p. 484).
NOTES 421
p. 334 bit Third Day. vide Vol. Ill, Preface, The Lucky Chance, p. 187,
and note on that passage (p. 484).
p. 334 old Adam, vide Vol. I, The Rover, Part II, p. 133, and note on
that passage (p. 446).
p. 334 The Country Justice's Calling, vide supra, The Widow Ranter, p. 265.
Dalton's Country Justice, and note on that passage.
p. 341 by Inch of Candle. An auction where bids are taken so long as an inch
of candle burns, the last bid before the flame expires obtaining the lot.
p. 342 a Termer. Originally a frequenter of the law courts, and as many
came up from the country to London during term time on legal business,
it occasionally (as here) signified an unsophisticated stranger. In Dryden's
Sir Martin Mar- All (1667), i, Mrs. Millicent, newly arrived from
Canterbury, replies to Lady Dupe's greeting, 'I came up, Madam, as
we country-gentlewomen use at an Easter term, to the destruction of
tarts and cheese cakes, to see a new play, buy a new gown, take a turn
in the Park, and so down again to sleep with my forefathers.' In
Mountford's farce, Dr. Faustus (410 1697, but produced at the Theatre
Royal November-December, 1685, or very early in 1686), we have
Scaramouch asking what practice the Doctor has, and Harlequin replies:
*Why his Business is to patch up rotten Whores against the Term for
Country Lawyers and Attorneys Clerks ; and against Christmas, Easter,
and Wbitsun Holidays, for City Apprentices.' cf. Southerne's Orocnoko
(1696), i, i, when Chariot Welldon says to her sister Lucia, 'Nay,
the young Inns-of-Court beaus, of but one Term's standing in the
fashion, who knew nobody but as they were shown 'em by the orange-
women, had nicknames for us.' More often a Termer meant 'A person,
whether male or female, who resorted to London in term time only,
for the sake of tricks to be practised, or intrigues to be carried on at
that period.' (Nares.)
p. 347 Sa. i.e. Save us! Sir Morgan has a frequent exclamation God sa
me !' God save me ! The abbreviation is early and frequent.
p. 356 the Country of True Love. Mrs. Behn, an omnivorous reader of
romances, was thinking of the celebrated Carte de Tendre (Loveland),
to be found in Mile, de Scuderi's CUlie (1654, Vol. I, p. 399), and
reproduced in the English folio edition of 1678. This fantastic map,
which is said to have been suggested by Chapelain, aroused unbounded
ridicule. In scene iv of Moliere's Let Pricieuses Ridicules (i 659), Cathos
cries, * Je m'en vais gager qu'ils n'ont jamais vu la carte de Tendre, et
que Billets-Doux, Petits-Soins, Billets-Galante, et Jolis-Vers sont des
tcrres inconnues pour eux.' This imaginary land is divided by the River
of Inclination: on the one side are the towns of Respect, Generosity,
A Great Heart, and the like j on the other Constant Friendship,
Assiduity, Submission, &c. Across the Dangerous Sea another con
tinent is marked, 'Countreys undiscovered.' Terra Incognita.
The extravagant penchant for romances of the Scuderi Partbenissa
school was amply satirized by Steele in his clever comedy The Tender
Husband (1705), and as late as 1752 by Mrs. Charlotte Lennox in Tbt
Female Quixote, an amusing novel.
422 NOTES
p. 360 old Queen Bess in the Westminster-Cupboard. The waxen effigies which
yet remain at Westminster are preserved in the wainscot presses over
the Islip Chapel. Queen Elizabeth, in her tattered velvet robes, is still
one of the most famous. They were formerly far more numerous. A
waxen figure of the deceased, dressed in the habit worn whilst living,
was, in the case of any royal or notable personage, very frequently carried
as part of the torchlight funeral procession and, after the obsequies, left
over the grave to serve as a kind of temporary monument.
p. 366 drink up the Sun. i.e. carouse till dawn.
p. 379 a Sack like an Elephant 'twill bear a Castle. Dr. Aldis Wright, in
his notes on Twelfth Night, draws attention to the fact that the cele
brated 'Elephant and Castle,' at Newington, in the south suburbs of
London, can be traced back to the middle of the seventeenth century.
p. 380 Old Queen Giviniver. For 'Queen Gwiniver' applied as a term of
abuse to an old woman cf. Dekker's Satiromastix, or. The Untrussing of
the Humorous Poet (410 1602), iii, i, where Tucca rallying Mistress
Miniver cries : 'Now, now, mother Bunch, how dost thou? what, dost
frowne, Queen Gwyniver, dost wrinckle ? ' The reference is, of course,
to Arthur's queen.
p. 390 Ha! -what do I see? cf. The incident in The Plain Dealer, iv, n, of
which there are obvious reminiscences here. Olivia, making love to
Fidelia, who is dressed as a boy, is surprised by Vernish. Olivia runs
out, and he discovering the supposed lad to be a woman proceeds to
turn the tables on his spouse.
p. 394 this Tour. cf. 'your false Towers', The False Count, i, n (Vol. Ill,
p. 1 1 6), and note on that passage (p. 480).
p. 394 Fontange. A 'fontange' was a bow of ribbons, so called from the
celebrated Madame de Fontanges. Her hair coming down during a
hunting-party at Vincennes, she tied it up hastily with one of her garters.
Louis XIV, whose mistress she was, so admired the result that he
begged her to continue to wear her hair in the same way. This set the
fashion, which soon spread into England and long remained popular,
cf. Shad well's Bury Fair (1689), ii, n : ' Milliner. What d'ye lack,
Ladies? line Mazarine hoods, fontanges, girdles, sable tippets?'
p. 394 Coventry-Blue. A kind of blue thread manufactured at Coventry
and formerly much used for embroidery, &c. cf. Greene's James IV
(1592), iv, in, where Slipper ordering a doublet cries : 'Edge me the
sleeves with Coventry blue.' Ben Jonson, Gipsies Metamorph. (1621),
speaks of 'A skein of Coventry blue'.
p. 395 Ta-wdrums. Fal-lals, cf. Marston's Dutch Courtezan (410 1605), v,
'no matter for lace and tawdrums'.
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