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Full text of "The works of Dr. Jonathan Swift ... : with the author's life and character ; notes historical, critical and explanatory, tables of contents and indexes. More complete than any preceding edition. In thirteen volumes. Accurately corrected by the best editions"

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o * 


Dean of St. Patrick's, Dublin, 



Printed by A. Donaldson, and fold at his Shops 
in London and Edinburgh. 


C ni ] 



\ I 'HE Drapier's Letters : 
* Letter VII. An humble addrefs to both 

houfes of parliament 1 

The Drapier demoliihed 3 Q 

A full and true account of the folemn procef- 
ilon to the gallows, at the execution of "Wil- 
liam Wood, Efq; and hardwareman 37 

Some coniiderations on the attempts to pafs Mr. 
Wood's brafs money in Ireland 43 

A fliort view of the ftate of Ireland in 1727 53 

An anfwer to a paper, called, " A memorial 
" of the poor inhabitants, tradefmen, and 
11 labourers of the kingdom of Ireland" 6% 

A vindication of his Excellency John Lord Car- 
teret, from the charge of favouring none but 
Tories, high-churchmen-, and Jacobites 72 

Coniiderations upon two bills, fe'nt down from 
the hbufe of Lords to the houfe of Commons 
in Ireland, relating to the clergy 92. 

A propofal for an ac~t of parliament in Ireland, 
to pay off the debts of that nation without 
taxing the fubjecl 107 

An examination of certain abufes, corruptions, 
and enormities, in the city of Dublin 114 

A letter from a member of the houfe of Com- 
mons in Ireland, to a member of the houfe 
of Commons in England, concerning the fa- 
cramental tell 132 

Some arguments againft enlarging the power of 
bifhops in letting of leafes 153 

The Prefby terians plea of merit, in order to take 
off the ten:, impartially examined- 172 

Vol.. IV. a 2 The 


The advantages propofed by repealing the fa- 
cramental teft, impartially considered 192 

Queries relating to the facramental teft 202 

Reafons humbly offered to the parliament of 
Ireland, for repealing the facramental teft in 
favour of the Catholics 219 

Some reafons againft the bill for fettling the 
tithe of hemp, ilax, <bc. by a modus 223 

A modeit propofil to the public,|for preventing 
the children of poor people in Ireland from 
being a burden to their parents or country, 
and for making them beneficial to the public 237 

The humble petition of the footmen in and a- 
bout the city of Dublin, to the houfe of 
Commons, he. 248 

A propofil for giving badges to the beggars in 
all the parifhes of Dublin 25 1 

Advice co the freemen of Dublin, in the choice 
of a member to reprefent them in parliament 263 

Some confiderations offered to the Lord Mayor, 
Aldermen, <&c. of Dublin, in the choice of 
a recorder 271 

The laft fpeech and dying words of Ebenezer 
Ellifton, who was executed May 2, 1722 274 

The Intelligencer, No I. 280 

No III. 283 

No XV 7 . 290 

- No XIX. - 292 

Remarks on Dr. Swift's tracts relating to Ire- 
land From Mr. Dean Swift's effay 302 
The publisher to the reader 307 
Gulliver's letter to his coufln Symfon 309 

Part I. A Voyage to Lilliput. 
Chap. I. The author gives fome account of him- 
felf and family. His firft inducements to travel. 
He is ihipwrecked, and fwims for his life ; 
gets fafe on Ihorc in the country of Lilliput, 
is made a prifoner, and carried up the country 3 1 5 



Chap. II. The Emperor of Lilliput, attended by 
feveral of the nobility, comes to fee the au- 
thor in his confinement. The Emperor's 
perfon and habit defcribed. Learned men 
appointed to teach the author their language. 
He gains favour by his mild difpofition. His 
pockets are fearched, and his fword and pif- 
tols taken from him 3 2 ^ 

Chap. III. The author diverts the Emperor and 
his nobility of both fexes in a very uncom- 
mon manner. The diverfions of the court 
of Lilliput defcribed. The author has his li- 
berty granted him upon certain conditions 340 
Chap. IV. Mildendo, the metropolis of Lilliput, 
defcribed, together with the Emperor's palace. 
A converfation between the author and a 
principal fecretary concerning the affairs of 
that empire. The author's oilers to ferve the 
Emperor in his wars 349 

Chap. V.The author, by an extraordinary ftra- 
tagem, prevents an invafion. A high title of 
honour is conferred upon him. AmbafTa- 
dors arrive from the Emperor of Blefufcu, 
and fue for peace. The Emprefs's apartment 
on fire by an accident ; the author inftrumen- 
tal in faving the reft of the palace 355 

Chap. VI. of the inhabitants of Lilliput ; their 
learning, laws, and cuftoms, the manner of 
educating the children. The author's way 
of living in that country. His vindication of 
a great lady 362 

Chap. VII. The author, being informed of a 
defign to accufe him of high treafon, makes 
his efcape to Blefufcu. His reception there 374 
Chap. VIII. the author, by a lucky accident, 
finds means to leave Blefufcu; and : after 
fome difficulties, returns fafe to his native 
country 384 


An humble ADDRESS ro both Houfes 

By M. B. Drapier. 

Malta gemens ignominiam plagafque fupsrbi 

I Have been told, that petitions and addreffes, to 
either king or parliament, are the right of every 
fubject ; provided they confift with that refpect 
trhich is due to princes and great aiiemblies. Nei- 
ther do I remember, that the model! propofals or 
opinions of private men have been ill received, 
when they have not been delivered in the ftile of 
advice ; which is a prefumption far from my thoughts. 
However, if propofals ihoiild be looked upon as 
too alTuming ; yet I hope, every man may be fuf* 
fered to declare his own and the nation's wifhes. 
For inftance ; I may be allowed to wifh, that ibme 
further laws were enacted for the advancement of 

* This addrefs is vviilicut a date, but it appears to have been writ- 
ten during the. fitfi ieiiion of parliament in Lord Carte et's govern- 
Went, though it did not appear till it was inferted with the preceding 
letter in the Dahlia edition or' 1735. 

Ameng other inaccuracies in the Iriih edition, two dates are afiigned 
to the following tra<ft ; in the advertisement prefixed it is laid to 
have been written the firft fjffion of Carteret's government, and in 
the title page to be written before his arrival, ' 

Vol. IV. A trade, 


trade, for the improvement of agriculture, now 
itrangely neglected againft the maxims of all wife 
nations.; for fupplying the mamfeft defects in the nets 
concerning the plantation of trees ; for letting the 
poor to work ; and many others. 

Upon this principle I may venture to affirm, it is 
the hearty wilh of the whole nation, very few ex- 
cepted, that the parliament in this ieilion would be- 
gin by ftrictly examining into the deteftable fraud 
of one William Wood, now or late of London, 
iiardw areman ; who illegally and clandeftinely, as 
appears by your own votes and addreiTes, procu- 
red a patent in England for coining halfpence in 
that kingdom to be current here. This I fay is the 
wifh of the whole nation, very few excepted; and 
upon account of thole few, is more itrongly 
andjuftly the wilh of the reft: thofe few coniifling 
either of Wood's confederates, fome obfeure tradef- 
men, or certain bold UNDER' TAKERS of weak 
Judgement and ftrong ambition, who think to find 
their account in the ruin of the nation by fecuring 
or advancing themfelves. And becaufe fuch men 
proceed upon a fyltem of politics, to which I would 
fain hope you will be always utter ftrangers, I fliall 
humbly lay it before you. 

Be pleated to fuppofe me in a fration of (fifteen 
hundred pounds a year, falary and perquiiites ; 
and likewife pofTcfTed of 8co 1. a-year real eftate. 
Th'en fuppofe a deftruclive project to be on foot ; 
fuch, for inftance, as this of Wood ; which, if it 
iucceed, in all the confequences naturally, to be ex- 
-oecled from it, muft link the rents and wealth of 
the kingdom one half, (although, I am confident, 
it would have done Co five (ixths). Suppofe, I con- 
ceive that .the countenancing, or privately fupport- 
ing this project, will pleale thofe by whom I expect 
to be preferred, or higher exalted : nothing then 
remahis, but to compute and balance my gain and 
my lofs, and fum up the whole. I fuppofe that I 



ftiill keep my employment ten years, not to men- 
tion a fair chance of a better. This at 1500 1. a- 

year amounts in ten years to [5,000 I. My eftate 
by the fuccefs of t!ve raid project links 400 1. a-year y 
which, at twenty years piirchafe, ib but 8000 1. : 
fd that I am a clear gainer 01 7000 I. upon the 
balance. And daring ail th.u period I am poiietTed 
of power and credit, can gratify my favourites, 
and take vengeance cm my enemies. And if the 
p'.Mjea: irrtfearry, my priv;te merit is kill entire. 
This arithmetic, as horrible as it appears, I know- 
ingly affirm to have been praetifed, and applied in 
conjunctures, whereon depended the ruin or fafety 
of a nation : although probably the charity and 
virtue of a fenatq veil' hardly be induced to believe, 
that there can be fut.h monfters among mankind. 
And yet the wile Lord Bacon mention.; a ibrt of 
people (I doubt the race is not yet extinct) who 
would fet a hoitfe on fire for the convenience of 
roafting their own eggs at the flame. 

But whoever is old enough to remember and 
hath turned hU thoughts to eblerve the courfe of 
pubhc aflairs in 'His kingdom from the time of the 
revolution, mull acknowledge, that the Iiigheft poi nts 
of intereft and liberty have been often facrificed to - 
the avarice and ambition of particular perlons upon 
the very principles and arithmetic that 1 have fup- 
pofed : the only wonder is, how tliefe ai lilts 
were able to prevail upon numbers, and influence 
even public aflembhes to become inftfuments for 
eirecTtinq" their execrable defigms. 

It is, I think, in all eonfeience latitude enough. ' 
for vice, if a man m itation be allowed to act in- 
j Hitice upon the ufual principles of getting a bribe, 
wreaking his malice, ferving his party, or confult- 
mg his preferments, while his wickedneis terminate; 
in the ruin only of particular perfons. But to de- 
liver up our whole country, and every living 
foul who inhabits it, 10 certain dcttructioii, hatha 

A 2 not, 


not, as I remember, been permitted by the moll fa- 
vourable cafuifts on the fide of corruption. It 
were far better, that all who have had the misfor- 
tune to be born in this kingdom, mould be ren- 
dered incapable of holding any employment what- 
foever above the degree of a conftable, (according 
to the fcheme and intention of a great minilter 
gone to his own place *), than to live under the 
daily apprehenfion of a few falfe brethren among 
ourielves. Becaufe, in the former cafe, we Ihould 
be wholly free from the danger of being betrayed, 
fince none could then have impudence enough to 
pretend any public good. 

It is true, that in this defperate affair of the new 
halfpence I have not heard of any man above my 
own degree of a fhopkeeper to have been hitherto 
io bold, as in direct terms to vindicate the fatal pro- 
ject ; although I have been told of fome verv mol- 
iifying expreilions which were ufed, and very 
gentle expedients propofed and handed about, when 
it nrft came under debate but lmce the eyes of the 
people have been .fo far opened, that the moft ig- 
norant can plainly fee their own ruin in the fuccefs 
of Wood's attempt, thefe grand compounders have 
been more cautious. 

But that the fame fpirit ftill fubfifts, hath mani- 
fcftly appeared (among other inftances of great 
comniiance'i from certain circumftances, that have 
attended fome late proceedings in a court or 
judicature *. There is not any common-place 
more frequently infilled on by thofe who treat 
gS our conftitution, than the greateft happinefs and 
excellency of trials by juries ; yet if this blefTed part 
of our law be eludible at pleafure by the force of 

* The late Earl of Sunderfaud. 

* By Chief JufHce Whitfhed, vthoie method with a jury may be 
fecn in the note which follows tie u Propofal for the ufe of Irifh 
" mapufaflures," and that at the end of li Seal'onable advice to a 
" crcni '.UfV." 


L E T T E ?, VII. - 5 

power, frowns, and artifice, we (hall have 
little reafon to boaft of our advantage, in this parti- 
cular over other {rates or kingdoms in Europe. 
And iurely thefe high proceedings, exercifed in a 
point that io nearly concerned the life-blood of the 
people, their neceiTary fubiiftence, their very food 
and raiment, and even die public peace, will not 
allow any favourable appearance; becaufe it was 
obvious, that fo much fuperabundant zeal could 
have no other deiign, or produce any other effect, 
than to damp thn fpirit railed in the nation againit 
this accurfed fcheme of Whlliam Wood and his 
abettors ; to which fpiril alone we owe, and for e- 
ver muft owe, our being hitheno preferved, and 
our hopes of being preferved for the future, if ie 
can be kept up, and jftrongly countenanced by your 
wife aiTemblies. I with I could account tor luch a 
demeanor upon a more charitable foundation, 
than that of putting our intcreit in overbalance- 
with the ruin of our. coumry. 

I remember fome months ago, when this affair, 
was frdh in diicourfe. a perfon nearly allied to 
SOMEBODY, or (as the hawkers called him) 
NOBODY, who was thought, deeply concerned, 
went about very diligently among his acquaintance, 
to ihew the bad confequenccs that might follow 
from any public rcfentment to the difadvantase of 
his ally, Mr. Wood ; principally ailedging. the dan- 
ger of all employments being diipofed of from Eng- 
land. One of thefe emiliaries came to me and 
urged the fame topic : I anfwerecl naturally, that I ' 
knew there was no office of an 7 kind, which a man 
from England might not have, if he thought it 
worth his aflcing ; and that I looked upon all who 
had the disadvantage of being born here, as only 
in the condition of leafers and gleaners. Neither 
could I forbear mentioning the known fable of the 
countryman, who intreated his afs to fly for fear of 
beiDg taken by the enemy; but the ais refilled to 

A 3 give 


give himfelf that trouble, and upon a very wife 
reafon bccaufe he could not poffibly change his 
prefent mafter for a worfe : the enemy could not 
mike him fare harder, beat him more cruelly , or load 
him with heavier burthens. 

Upon thefe and many other considerations I may 
affirm it to be the wilh of the whole nation, that 
the power and privileges of juries were declared, 
ascertained, and confirmed by the legislature ; and 
that whoever hath been manifestly known to vio- 
late them, might be Stigmatized by public cenfure ; 
mot from any hope that fuch a cenfure will amend 
their practices, or hurt their intereft, (for it may 
probably operate qviite contrary in both), but that 
the nation may know their enemies from their 

I fay not this with any regard or view to myfelf ; 
for I write in great fecurity; and am refolved that 
none (hall merit at my expenfe, further than by 
fhewing their zeal to diicover, prcfecute, and con- 
demn me for endeavouring to do my duty in ferv- 
ing my country : and yet I am confeious to my- 
felf, that never had the leaft intention to reflect 
on his Majefty's miniilers, nor on any other per- 
form, except William Wood, whom I neither did, 
nor do yet conceive to be of that number. However, 
forne wou'tfd have it, that I went too far; but I 
iuppofe they will now allow themfelves miftaken. 
I am fore I might eafily have gone further, and I 
think I could not caflly have fared worfe. And 
therefore I was no further affected with their pro^ 
clamation, and fubfequent proceedings, than a 
good clergyman is with the fins of the people. And 
as to the poor printer, he is now gone to appear 
before a higher, and before a righteous tribunal. 

As my intention is only to lay before your great 
affemblies the general wiihes of the nation ; and as 
I have already declared it our principal wim, that 
your firft proceeding would be to examine into the 



pernicious frand of William Wood ; fo I muft add 
as the univerfal opinion, that all fchemes of com- 
mutation, competition, and the like expedients, 
either avowed or implied, will be of the moft per- 
nicious confequences to the public ; againfi: the 
dignity of a free kingdom ; and prove an encou- 
ragement to future adventurers in the lame defrrue- 
five projects. For it is a maxim, which no man 
at prefent disputes, that even a ccnivance to admit 
one th oui and pounds in thefe halfpence will pro- 
duce in time the fame ruinous effects, as if we o- 
penly confenicd to admit a million. It were there- 
fore infinitely more fafe and eligible to leave things 
in the doubtful, melancholy ftate thev are at 
prelent, ('which however God forbid), and truft 
entirely to the general averiion of our people a- 
gainil: this coin, tiling all honeft endeavours to pre- 
serve, continue, and increafe that averfion, than 
iubmit to apply thofe palliatives, which weak, per- 
fidious, or abject politicians are, upon all occallons, 
and in all difeafes, fo ready to adrninifter. 

In the fmall compafs of my reading (which how- 
ever hath been more extennve than is ufual to men 
of my inferior calling), I have obferved, that 
grievances have always preceded fupplies; and if 
ever grievances had a title to fuch a pre-eminence, 
it muft be this of Wood ; becaufe it is not only the 
greateft grievance that any country could fuffer, but 
a grievance of fuch a kind, that, if it fhould take 
effect, would make it impoflible for us to give any 
fupplies at all, except in adulterate copper; unlefs 
a tax were laid for paying the civil and military lifts, 
and the large penilons, with real commodities in- 
ftead of money ; which, however, might be liable to 
fome few objections as well as difficulties ; for altho' 
the common foldiers might be content with beef, 
and mutton, and wool, and malt, and leather; yet 
I am in fome doubt as to the generals, the colo- 
nels, the numerous pensioners, the civil officers, 



and others, who all live in England upon Irifli- 
pay, as well as thofe few who refide among us only 
beeaufe they cannot help it. 

There is one particular, which although I have 
mentioned more than once in fome of my former- 
papers, yet I cannot forbear to repeat, and a little 
enlarge upon it; beeaufe I do not remember to have 
read or heard of the like in the hiftory of any age 
or country ; neither do I ever rctlecl: upon it with- 
out the utmoft aitonifhmenr. 

After the unanimous addrefies to his Sacred Ma-. 
jeftv againft this patent of Wood .from both houfes. 
oi: parliament, which are the three efiates of the 
kingdom; and likewise an addrefs from the privy 
council, to whom, under the chief governors, the 
whole adminiftration is intruded ; the matter is 
referred to a committee of council in London. 
Wood and his adherents are heard on one fide ; 
and a few volunteers without any truft or direction 
from hence, on the other... The queftion (as I re- 
member) chiefly turned upon. the want of half? 
pence in Ireland : witneffes are called on the. be- 
half of Wood (of what credit, I have formerly 
fhewn *) : upon the iiTue the patent is found good 
and .legal; all his Majeiiy's 'officers here (not ex-, 
cepting the military) commanded to be aiding and 
affifting to make it effectual ; the addreflbs of both 
houfes of parliament, of the privy council, and of 
the city of Dublin, the declarations of mod: coun- 
ties and corporations through the kingdom,, are al- 
together laid afide as of no weight, confequence, 
or confideration whatfoever, and the whole king- 
dom of Ireland nonfuited in default of appearance ; 
as if it were a private caufe between John Dow, 
plaintiff, and William Row, defendant. 

With great refpect to thofe honurable perfons, 
the committee of council in London, I have not 

* In letter 3. 



vmderftood them to be our governors, counfcllorsj 
or judges. Neither did our cafe turn at all upon 
the queftion, Whether Ireland wanted halfpence ? 
For there is no doubt, but we do want both half- 
pence, gojd and filver ; and we have numberlefs o- 
ther wants, and fome that Ave are not fo much, as 
allowed to name, although they are peculiar to this 
nation, to which no other is fubjecl:, whom God 
hath bleiied with religion and laws, or any degree 
of foil and funfhine; but for what demerits on our 
fide, I am altogether in the dark. 

But I do not remember, that our want of half- 
pence was either affirmed or denied in any of our 
addreffes or declarations againft thofe of Wood. 
We alledged the fraudulent obtaining and execut- 
ing his patent, the bafcneis of his metal, and the 
prodigious fum to be coined, which might be in- 
creafed by ftealth, from foreign importation, and 
his own counterfeits, as well as thofe at home ; 
whereby we muff infallibly loie all our little gold 
and filver, and all our poor remainder of a very 
limited and difcouraged trade. We urged, that 
the patent was palTed without the leaf! reference 
hither ; and without mention of any feeurity given 
by Wood to receive his own halfpence upon de- 
mand ; both which are contrary to all former pro- 
ceedings in the like cafes. Thefe, and many other 
arguments we offered ; but ft'iil the patent went on ; 
and at this day our ruin would have been half com- 
pleted, if God in his mercy had not raifed an uni- 
versal deteftation of thefe half- pence in the whole 
kingdom, with a firm refolution never to receive 
them, fince we are not under obligations to do fo 
by any law either human or divine. 

But, in the name of God and of all juftice and 
piety, when the King's Majefty was pleafed that 
this patent mould pafs, is it not to be under- 
ftood, that he conceived, believed, intended it as a 
gracious act, for the good and benefit of his fub- 



jeers, for the advantage or a great and fruitful 
kingdom, of the moil loyal iubjccts upon earth, 
where no hand or voice was ever lifted up againil 
him ; a kingdom, where the paffage is not of three 
hours from Britain, and a kingdom where Pap'dls 
have lefs powefi and lefs land than in England ? 
Can it be denied, or doubted, that his Maje fly's 
jaiinillers nnderitood and propofed the fame end, 
the good of this nation, when they advifed the palling 
t'.is patent? Can the petffbri of Wood be othcrwife 
regarded, than as the initrument, the mechanic, the 
head- workman., to prepare ivis furnace, his fewel, 
his mrtal, and his (lamps ? If I employ a fhoeboy, 
is it in view to his advantage, or to my own con- 
venience ? I mention the perfon of William Wood 
alone ; becaufe no other appears, and we are not 
to reaibn upon furmifes ; neither would it avail, if 
they had a real foundation. 

Allowing therefore, (for we cannot do lefs), that 
this patent for the coining of halfpence was wholly 
intended by a gracious King, and a wife public- 
fpirited miniflry, for the advantage of Ireland ; yet 
when the whole kingdom to a man, for whofe good' 
the patent was defisjned, do noon matured! coniide- 
ration univerfally join in openly declaring, protect- 
ing, addreffing, petitioning againit thefe half- 
pence, as the moil ruinous project that ever was let 
on foot to complete the fiavery and deftruction of a 
poor-innocent country : is it^ was it, can it, or will 
it ever be a qu eftion, not whether fuch a kingdom, 
or William Wood, mould be a gainer ; but, whether 
inch a kingdom mould be wholly undone, deilroy- 
ed, funk, depopulated, made a fcene of mifery and 
defolation, for the fake of William Wood ? God* 
of his infinite mercy avert this dreadful judgment ; 
and it is our univerfal wiih, that God would put it- 
into your hearts to be his injlnirnents for fo good a 



For my own part, who am but one man, of ob- 
fcure condition, I do folemnly declare, In the pre- 
sence of Almighty God, that I will fufier the moft 
ignominious and torturing death, rather than lub- 
mit to receive this accurfed coin, or any other that 
ihall be liable to the lame objections, until they 
(hall be forced upon me by a law of my own coun- 
try ; and if that ihall ever happen, I will transport 
myfelf into fome foreign land, and eat the bread 
of poverty among a free people. 

Am I legally punilhable for thefe expreilions ; 
ihall another proclamation ilTue againft me becaufc 
I prefume to take my country's part again ft William 
"Wood, where her final deftruction is intended ? 
But whenever you lhall ,pieafe to impofe iilence up- 
on me, I will fubmit ; becaufe I look upon your 
unanimous voice to be the voice of the nation; and 
this I have been taught, and do -believe, to be in 
fome manner the voice of Gcd, 

The great ignominy of a whole kingdom lying 
ib long at mercy under lb vile an adverfary, is fuch 
a deplorable aggravation, that the utmoft expref- 
"iions of ihame and rage are too low to fet it forth: 
and therefore I mall leave it to receive fuch a re- 
fentment as is worthy -of a parliament. 

It is likewife our univerfal wiih, that his Maje- 
fty Ihould grant liberty to coin halfpence in this 
'kingdom for our own ufe, under fuch reflriction 
as a parliament here ihall advrfe : iince the power 
of coining even. gold and iilver is poileiTed by every 
petty prince abroad ; and was always praelifed by 
^Scotland to the very time of the union ; yet fure'y 
Scotland, as to foil, climate, and extent, is not in 
itfelf a fourth part the value of Ireland ; (for 
Biihop Burnet fays,- it is not above the fortieth part 
in value to the reft of Britain) ; and with refptct 
to the profit that England gains from hence, net 
the forty thoufandth part. Although I mult cor- 
fefs, that a mote in the eye, or a thorn in the lice, 



is more dangerous and painful than a beam or a 
ipike at a diftance. 

The hiftories of England, and of moft other 
countries, abound in relating the miferable, and 
fometimes the moil: tragical eJiects from the abuies 
of coin by debafing the metal, by leffening or en- 
hancing the value upon occalions^ to the public 
lofs ; of which we have an example within our 
own memory in England, and another very lately 
in France. It is the tendered point of government, 
affecting every individual in the higheft degree. 
When the value of money is arbitrary or unfettled, 
no man can well be faid to have any property at 
all ; nor is any wound fo fuddenly felt, fo hardly 
cured, or that leaves Inch deep and Lifting fears 
behind it. 

I conceive this poor unhappy ifland to have a 
title to fome indulgence from England ; not only 
Upon* the fcore of Chriilianity, natural equity, and 
the general rights of mankind, but chiefly on ac- 
count of that immenfe profit they receive from 
us ; without which that kingdom would make a 
very different figure in Europe, from what it doth 
at prefent. 

The rents of land in Ireland, iince thev have 
been of late fo enormoufly railed and fcrewed up, 
may be computed to about two millions ; whereof 
one third part at leaft is directly tranfmitted to thofe 
who are perpetual abfentees in England ; as I find 
by a computation made with the ailiftance of feve- 
xal ikilful gentlemen. 

The other articles, by which we are altogether 
lofers and England a gainer, we found to amount 
to almoft as much more. 

I will only fet down as many heads of them as 1 
can remember, and leave them to the considera- 
tion of thofe who underhand accounts better than 
I pretend to do, 



The occaiionol abfentees, for bufinefs, health, 
or diversion. 

Three fourths of the revenue of the chief go- 
vernor, during his abfence ; which is ufually four 
fifths of his government. 

The whole revenue of the poft-ofHce. 

The numerous penfions paid to perfons in Eng- 

The pay of the chief officers of the army abfent 
in England, which is a great fum. 

Four commiflioners of the revenue, always ab- 

Civil employments very numerous, and of great 

The vaft charge of appeals to the houfe of Lords, 
and to the court of delegates. 

Students at the inns of court, and the two uni- 

Eighty thoufand pounds fent yearly to England 
for coals, whereof the prime coft is nothing, and 
therefore the profit wholly theirs. 

One hundred thoufand pounds paid feveral years 
paft for corn fent over hither from England ; the 
effect of our own great wifdom in difcouraging 

The kind liberty granted us of wearing Indian 
fluffs, and callicoes, to gratify the vanity and folly 
of our women ; which, befides the profit to Eng- 
land *, is an inconceivable lofs to us, forcing the 
weavers to beg in our ftreets, or tranfport them- 
felves to foreign countries-. 

The prodigious lofs to us, and gain to England, 
by felling them all our wool at their own rates ; 
whereof the manufacture exceeds above ten times 

* From whence thete corarroditS-s were exported to Ireland, the 
Eart- India company only having a right to import them Irom the 
country in which they are manufactured. 

Vol IV; B the 


the prime cofr. : i{ A proceeding without example 
'* in the Chriilian or Heathen world," 

Our own wool returned upon us in Englifh ma- 
nufactures to our infinite fhame and damage, and 
the great advantage of England. 

The full profit of all our mines accruing to Eng- 
land ; an effect of great negligence and ftupidity. 

An affectation among us of liking all kind of 
goods made in England *. 

Thefe, and many other articles, which I cannot 
recollect at prefent, are agreed by judicious men to 
amount to near feven hundred thoufand pounds 
fer annum clear profit to England. And, upon the 
whole, let any man look into thofe authors who 
write upon the fubject of commerce, he fhall find, 
that there is not one fingle article in the efTentials 
or circumfhinccs of trade, whereby a country can 
be a lofer, which we do not pofTefs in the higheft 
perfection^ fomewhat in every particular, that bears 
a kind of analogy to William Wood ; and now the 
branches are all cut off, he flands ready with his 
axe at the root. 

Upon this fubject of perpetual abfentees I have 
fpent fome time in very infignificant reflections ; 
and coniidering the ufual motives of human actions, 
which are pleafure, profit, and ambition, I cannot 
yet comprehend how thofe perfons find their ac- 
count in any of the three. I fpeak not of thofe 
Englifh peers or gentlemen, who, befide their e- 
ftates at home, have pofTeflions here, for in that 
cafe the matter is defperate; but I mean thofe lords 
and wealthy knights, or fquires, whofe birth, and 
partly their education, and all their fortune, (ex-s 
cept fome trifle, and that in a very few inftances), 
are in this kingdom. I knew many of them well 
enough during feveral years, when I refided in 

* Many of the above articles have been fince particularly computed 
by another writer, to whafe treatife the reader is referred. 

England ; 


England ; and truly I could not diicover, that the 
figure they made was by any means a iubject for 
envy, at leaft it gave me two very different paflioms. 
For, excepting the advantage of going now and 
then to an opera, or fometimes appearing behind 
a croud at court, or adding to the ring of coaches 
in Hide-Park, or lofing their money at the choco- 
late-houfe, or getting news, votes, and minutes, 
about five days before us in Dublin ; I fay, beiides 
thefe.and a few other privileges of lefs importance, 
their temptations to live in London were beyond 
my knowledge or conception. And I ufed to won- 
der, how a man of birth and fpirit could endure 
to be wholly infignincant and obfeure in a foreign 
country, when he might live with Inure in his own ; 
and even at lefs than half that expenfe, which he 
{trains himfelf to make without obtaining any one 
end, except that which happened to the frcg, when 
he would needs contend for fizc with the ox. I 
have been told by fcholars, that Crefar faid he 
would rather be the firft man in I know not what 
village, than the fecond in Rome. This perhaps 
was a thought only fit for Cjefar : but to be pre- 
ceded by thoufands and neglected by millions ; to 
be wholly without power, figure, influence, ho* 
nour, credit, or diftinction, is not, in my poor o- 
pinion, a very amiable notation of life to a perfon 
of title or wealth, who can lb cheaply and ealily, 
fhine in his native country. 

But, beiides the depopulating of the kingdom, 
the leaving fo many parts of it wild and unculti- 
vated, the ruin of fo many country-feats and plan- 
tations,- the cutting down all the woods to fr.pply 
expenfes in England ; the abfcnce of lb many noble 
and wealthy perfons hath been the caufe of another 
fatal confequence, which few perhaps have been 
aware of. For if that very confiderable number 
of lords who poflefs the ampler* fortunes here, had 
been content to live at homeland attend the affairs 

B 2 of 


of their own country in parliament ; the weight, 
reputation, and dignity thereby added to that noble 
houfe would, in all human probability, have pre- 
vented certain proceedings, which are now ever to 
to be lamented, becaufe they never can be remedi- 
ed : and we might then have decided our own pro- 
perties among ourfelves, without being forced to 
travel five hundred miles by fea and land to ano- 
ther kingdom for juftice, to our infinite expenfe, 
vexation, and trouble ; which is a mark of fervi- 
tude without example from the practice of any age 
or nation in the world. 

I have fomerimes wondered, upon what motives 
the peerage of England were fo defirous to deter- 
mine our controverfies ; becaufe I have been afllir- 
ed, and partly know, that the frequent appeals 
from hence have been very irkfome to that illuftri- 
ous body : and whoever hath frequented the paint- 
ed chamber and courts of requefts muft have ob- 
ferved, that they are never fo nobly filled, as when 
an Irifh appeal is under debate. 

The peers of Scotland, who are very numerous, 
were content to refide in their caftles and houfes in 
that bleak and barren climate ; and although fome 
of them made frequent journeys to London, yet 
I do not remember any of their greateft families, 
till very lately, to have made England their con- 
ftant habitation before the union : or if they did, 
I am fure it wr.s generally to their own advantage ; 
and whatever they got, was employed to cultivate 
and increafe their own eflates ; and by that means 
enrich themfelves and their country. 

As to the great number of rich abfentees under 
the degree of peers ; what particular ill effects their 
abfence may have upon this kingdom, befides thofe 
already mentioned, may perhaps be too tender a 
point for me to touch. But whether thofe who 
live in another kingdom upon great eftates here, 
and have loft all regard to their own country, fur- 


thcr than upon account of the revenues they re- 
ceive from it ; I fay, whether fuch perfons may 
not be prevailed on to recommend others to vacant- 
feats, who have no intereft here except a precarious 
employment, and confequently can have no views, 
but to preferve what they have got, or to be high' 
er advanced ; this, I am fure, is a very melancholy 
cmeftion, if it be a queftion at all. 

But, Derides the prodigious profits which Ens- 
land receives by the tranfmittal thither ot two tliirds 
of the revenues of the whole kingdom, it hath an* 
other mighty advantage by making cur country a' 
receptacle, wherein to difburden themfelves of their 
fupernumerary pretenders to offices 5 perfons of 
fecond-rate merit in their own country, who, lik3 
birds of paiTage, moft of them thrive and fatter;. 
here, and fly off when their credit and employ- 
ments are at an end. So that Ireland may juftly- 
fay what Luther faid of himfeif ; " POOR. Ireland; 
** maketh many rich." 

If amidft all our difficulties I (h'culd venture to 
afTert, that we have one great advantage, provided?" 
we could improve it as we ought, I believe moil of 
my readers would be long in canjectiiriagj what; 
poffible advantage could ever fall to our ;':iare.- 
However, it is certain, that all the regular feeds of 
party and faction among us are entirely rooted out,. 
and if any new ones mall fpring up, they muft be 
of equivocal generation, without any feed at all ; : 
and will juftly be imputed to a degree of ftupidiry 
beyond even what we have been ever charged 
with upon the fcore of our- birth-place and ch- 

The parties in this kingdom (including thofe of. 
modern date) are, nrfr, of thofe who have been 
charged or fufpecled to favour the pretender ; and 
thofe who were zealous oppofers of him. Seconda- 
ry, of thofe who were for and again ft a toleration 
of DifTenters by law. Thirdly, .of high and dew 

B 3 church ; 


church ; or, (to fpeak in the cant of the times) of 
Whig and Tory. And fourthly, of court and 
country. If there be any more, they are beyond 
my obfervation or politics : for as to fubaltern or 
occasional parties, they have all been derivations 
from the fame originals. 

Now, it is manifeft, that all thefe incitements to 
faction, party, and divHion are wholly removed 
from among us. For as to the pretender, his caufc 
is both defperate and obfolete : there are very few 
now alive, who were men in his father's time, and 
in that prince's intereft ; and in all others the obli- 
gation of confcience hath no place * : even the Pa- 
pifts in general of any fubftance or eftates, and 
their priefts almoft univerfally, are what we call 
Whigs in the fenfe which by that word is generally 
underftood. They feel the fmart, and fee the fears 
of their former wounds ; and very well know, that 
they muft be made a facriiice to the leaft attempts 
towards a change ; although it cannot be doubted, 
that they would be glad to have their fuperftition 
reftored under any prince whatfoever. 

Secondly, the DhTenters are now tolerated by 
law : neither do we obferve any murmurs at pre- 
fent from that quarter j except thofe reafonable com- 
plaints they make of perfecution, becaufe they are 
excluded from civil employments ; but their num- 
ber being very fmall in either houfe of parliament, 
they are hot yet in a Situation to ereel: a party : 
becaufe however indifferent men may be with re- 
gard to religion, they are now grown wife enough 
to know, that if fuch a latitude were allowed to 
DhTenters, the few fmall employments left us in 
cities and corporations would find other hands to 
lay hold on them. 

Thirdly, the difpute between high and low church 
is now at an end j two thirds of the biihops having 

The obligation srifinnfrom their havingfwora jllegiance, 


LET T E R V1L 19 

been promoted in this reign, and moft of them 
from England, who have beftowed all preferments 
in their gift to thofe they could well confide in : 
the deaneries all, except three, and many principal 
thurch-livings, are in the donation of the crown : 
fo that we already poffefs fuch a body of clergy, 
as will never engage in controverfy upon that anti- 
quated and exploded fubject. 

Lailly, as to court and country parties, fo fa- 
mous and avowed under moft ieigns in Englifh 
parliaments ; this kingdom hath not for feveral 
years pafb been a proper fcene whereon to exercife 
inch contentions ; and is now lefs proper than e- 
ver ; many great employments for life being in di- 
ftant hands, and the reverfions diligently watched 
and fecured ; the temporary ones of any inviting 
value are all beftowed elfewhere as faft as they drop, 
and the few remaining are of too low coniidera- 
tion to create contefts about them, except among 
younger brothers, or tradefmen like myfelf. And 
therefore, to inftitute a court and country party 
without materials, would be a very new fyitern in 
politics, and what I believe was never thought on 
before ; nor unlefs in a nation of idiots can ever 
iucceed, for the moft ignorant Irifh cottager will 
not fell his cow for a groat. 

Therefore I conclude, that all party and faclion 
with regard to public proceedings are now extin- 
guished in this kingdom * ; neither doth it appear 
in view how they can poffibly revive : unlefs fome 
new caufes be adminiftered, which cannot be done 
without croffing the interefts of thofe who are the 
greateft gainers by continuing the fame meafures. 
And general calamities, without hope of redrefs, 
are allowed to be the greateft uniters of mankind. 

* Since this difcourfe was written, it hath appeared by experience, 
that the author was much miftaken in his conjectures, 



However we muft diflike the caufes, yet this ef- 
fect of begetting an univerfal concord among us in 
all national debates, a r - well as in cities, corpora- 
tions, and country-neighbourhoods, may keep us 
at lead alive, and in a condition to eat the little 
bread allowed us in peace and amity. I have heard 
of a quarrel in a tavern, where all were at daggers- 
drawing, till one of the company cried out, deiiring 
to know the fubjeSi of the quarrel; which when. 
none of them could tell, they put up their fwords, 
fat down, and palled the reft of the evening in 
quiet. The former part hath been our cafe, I hope 
the latter will be fo too ; that we (hall fit down a- 
micably together, at leaft until we have fomcthing 
that may give us a title to fall out, fince nature hath 
inftructed even a brood of goflings to flick together, 
while the kite is hovering over their heads. 

It is certain, that a firm union in any country, 
where every man wifhes the fame thing with relation 
to the public, may in feveral points of the greater! 
importance in Tome meafure fupply the defect of 
power, and even of thofe rights which are the na- 
tural and undoubted inheritance of mankind. If 
the univerfal with of the nation upon any point were 
declared by the unanimous vote of the houfe of 
Commons and a reafonable number of Lords, I 
fhould think myfelf obliged in confeience to act in 
my fphere according to that vote ; becaufe in alL 
free nations I take the proper definition of law to be, 
The -will of the majority of thofe ivho have the 1 property 
in land; which, if there be a monarchy, is to be 
confirmed by the royal affent. And although fuch, 
votes or declarations have not received fuch a con- 
firmation for certain accidental reafons ; yet I think 
they ought to be of much weight with the fubject, 
provided they neither oppofe the King's preroga- 
tive, endanger the peace of the nation, nor infringe 
any law already in force : none of which however 
can reafonably be fnppofed, Thus, for inftance, 



if nine in ten of the houfe of Commons, and a 
reafonable number of native temporal Peers, fhould 
declare, that whoever received or uttered brafs coin* 
except under certain limitations and fecurities, 
mould be deemed as enemies to the King and the 
nation ; I mould think it a heinous fin in myfelf to 
act contrary to fuch a vote : and if the fame power 
fhould declare the fame cenfure againft thole who 
wore Indian fluffs and callicoes, or woollen manu- 
factures imported from abroad, whereby this nation 
is reduced to the loweftebb of mifery, I mould rea- 
dily, heartily, and chearfully pay obedience ; and 
to my utmofl power perfuade others to do the like ; 
becaufe there is no law of this land obliging us ei- 
ther to receive fuch coin, or to wear fuch foreign 

* Upon this laft article I could humbly wifh, that 
the Reverend the clergy would fet us an example by 
contenting themfelves with wearing gowns and other 
habiliments of Irifh drapery ; which, as it would 
befome incitement to the laity, and fet many hands 
to works, fo they would find their advantage in the 
cheapnefs, which is a circumftance not to be ne- 
glected by too many among that venerable body, 
f And in order to this I could heartily defire, that 
the molt ingenious artifts of the weaving trade 
would contrive fome decent fluffs and filks for cler- 
gymen at reafonable rates. 

I have preffed feveral of our moft fubftantial bre- 
thren, that the whole corporations of weavers in 
filk and woollen would publifh fome propofals, (I 
wifh. they would do it to bothhoufesof parliament), 
inviting perfons of all degrees, and of both fexes, to- 

* This hath fince been put in practice by the perfuafibns and influ- 
ence of the fuppofed author j but much defeated by the moft infamous 

iraud of fhopkeepers. 

T This fcheme was likewife often urged to the weavers by the fup- 
pofed author j but he ceuJd never prevail on theui to put it in prac- 



wear the woollen and iilk manufactures of our own 
country ; entering into folemn, mutual engage- 
ments, that the buyer ihall have good, fubftantial, 
merchantable ware for his money, and at a certain 
rate, without the trouble of cheapening. So that if 
I fent a child for a piece of fluff of a particular 
colour and finenefs, I mould be fare not to be de- 
ceived ; or if Ihad^reafbn to complain, the corpo- 
ration Ihould give me immediate. fatisfaction ; and 
the name of the tradefman, who did me the wrong, 
ihould be publifhed ; and warning given not to deal 
with him for the future ; un-lefs the matter plainly 
appeared to be a miitake : for, befide the trouble 
of going from mop to fhop, an ignorant cultomer' 
runs the hazard of being cheated in the price and 
goodnefs of what he buys, being forced to an une=> 
qual combat with a dexterous and difhonefl man< 
in his own calling. Thus our goods fall under a- 
general difrepuation ; and the gentry call for Englifh 
cloth, or filk, from an opinion they have, (and oft- 
en too juftly by their own faults), that the goodnefs 
more than makes up for the difference of price. 

Befides* it hath been the fottifh and ruinous 
practice of us tradefmen, upon any great demand of 
goods either at home or from abroad, to raife the 
prices immediately, and manufacture the faid goods 
more flightly and fraudulently than before. 

Of thefe foul and foolim procceedings too many 
inftances might be produced ; and I cannot forbear 
mentioning one whereby this poor kingdom hath 
received fueh a fatal blow in* the only article of 
trade allowed us of any importance, that nothing 
but the fuccefs of Wood's .-project could undo it. 
During the late plague in France, the Spaniards, 
who buy their linen-cloths in that kingdom, not 
daring to venture thither for fear of infection, a 
very great demand was made here for that commo- 
nity, and exported. to Spain ; but, whether by the 
ignorance of tlie merchants, or difhonefty of the 



northern weavers, or the eollufion of both, the 
ware was fo bad, and the price lo exceffive, that 
except Come (mall quantity which was fold below the 
prime colt, the greateft part was returned: and I 
have been told by very intelligent perfons, that if 
we had been fair dealers, the whole current of the 
linen-trade to Spain would have takers its courfe 
from hence. 

If any punifhment were to be inflicted on num- 
bers of men, furely there could none be thought 
too great for fuch a. race of traitors, and enemies to 
God and their country ; wha ; for the pr ofpect of 
a little prefent gain, do not only ruin themfelves, 
(for that alone would be an example to the reft, and 
a bleffing to the nation), but fell their fouls to hell, 
and their country to deftruction. And if the plague 
could have been confined only to thofe who were 
partakers in the guilt, had it travelled hither from 
JLMarfeilles, thofe wretches would have died with leis 
title to pity, than a highwayman going to the gal- 

' But it happens very unluckily, that for fome time 
paft all endeavours or proposals from private per- 
iens to advance the public fervice, however honeit- 
ly and innocently deiigned, have been called Fly- 
ing -in the King's face ; and this, to my 
knowledge, hath been the ftile of fome perfons, 
whofe anceftors (I mean thole among them who 
had any) and themfelves have been flying in prin- 
ces faces thefe fourfcore years ; and from their own 
inclinations would do fo ftill, if their intereft did 
not lead them rather to fly in the face of a king- 
dom, which hath given them wings to enable than 
for fuch a flight. 

Thus, about four years ago, when a * difcourfe was 
publifhed, endeavouring to perfuade our people to 
wear their own wollen manufactures, full of the 

* The pr< p fal for the universal ufe of Irifh manuf-fturcs. 



moft dutiful expreflions to the King, and without 
the leafl party-hint, it was termed flying in the 
King's face\ the printer was profecuted in the mari- 
ner we all remember, and I hope it will fomewhere 
be remembered further, the jury kept eleven hours, 
and fcnt back nine times, till they were under the 
necefiity of leaving the prisoner to the mercy of the 
court, by a fpecial verdict ; the f judge on the 
bench invoking God for his witnefs, when he af- 
ferted, that the author's defign was to bring in the 

And thus alfo, my own poor endeavours to pre- 
vent the ruin of my country by the admiffioiv of 
Wood's coin were called by the fame perfons, flying 
in the King** face : which I direclly deny : for I 
cannot allow that vile reprefentation of the royal 
countenance in William Wood's adulterate copper 
to his facred Majefty's face ; or if it were, my fly- 
ing was not againft the impreffion, but the bafenefs 
of the metal ; becaufe I well remembered, that the 
image which Nebuchadnezzar commanded to be fet 
up for all men to fall down and worfhip it, was not 
of copper but pure gold. And I am heartily forry, 
we have fo few royal images of that metal among 
us ; the light whereof, although it could hardly 
increafe our veneration for his Majefty, which is 
already fo great, yet would very much enliven it 
with the mixture of comfort and fatisfaction. 

Alexander the Great would fuffer no ftatuary, 
except Phidias, to carve his image in itone or me- 
tal. How muft he have treated fuch an operator 
as Wood, who goes about with fackfulls of drols, 
odioufly mifreprefenting his prince's countenance ; 
and would force them by thoufands upon every one 
of us at above fix times the value ? 

But, notwithstanding all that hath been objected 
by William Wood himielf, together with his fa- 

f Judge Whitftud, 



vourers, abettors, fupporters, either public or pri- 
vate ; by thole who connive at this project, or dif- 
courage and difcountenancc his oppofers for fear 
of Ieffening their favour, or hazarding their em- 
ployments ; by thofe who endeavour to damp the 
ipirit of the people raifed again ft this coin, or check 
the honeft zeal of fuch as by their writings or dif- 
courfes do all they can to keep it up ; by thofe fof- 
teners, fweeteners, compounders, and expedient- 
mongers, who fhake their heads fo ftrongly that we 
can hear their pockets gingle; I did never imagine, 
that in detecting the practices of fuch enemies to the 
kingdom I was Jfyiug in the King's face ; or thought 
they were better reprefenters of his Majeity, than 
that very coin for which they are fecret or open ad- 

If I were allowed to recite only thofe wiflies ( f 
the nation, which may be in our power to attain ; 
1 think they might be iummed up in thefe few fol- 

Fiift, That an end put to our appre- 
henrions of Wood's halfpence, and to any danger 
of the like deftructive fcheme for the future. 

Secondly, That halfpence might be coined in 
this kingdom by a public mint with due limita- 

Thirdly, That the fenfe of both houfes of parlia- 
ment, at leaft of the houfe of Commons, were 
declared by fome unanimous and hearty votes 
againft wearing any lilk or woollen manufactures 
imported 'from abroad ; as likewife againft wearing 
Indian iiiks or callicoes, which are forbidden under 
the higheit penalties in England : and it behoves 
us to take example from fo wife a nation : becaufe 
we are under a greater neceiTity to do fo, fince we 
are not allowed to export any woollen manufactures 
of our own ; which is the principal branch of fo- 
reign trade in England, 

Vol. IV. G Fourthly. 


Fourthly, That feme effectual methods may be 
taken to civilize the poorer fort oi natives in all thofe 
parts of this kingdom, where the Iriih abound, by 
jntroducinar among them our language and cuftoms ; 
for want of which they live in the utmoft ignorance, 
barbarity, and poverty, giving themfelves wholly 
up to idlenefs, naitineis, and thievery, to the very 
great and juft reproach of top many landlord?? 
And it I had in me the leaft fpirit of a projector, 
I would engage, that this might be effected in a few 
years at a very cpnhderable charge. 

Fifthly, That due encouragement fhould be gi- 
ven to agriculture ; and a flop put to that pernici- 
ous practice of graziers ingroffihg vail quantities of 
land, fometimes at great diftauce; whereby the 
country is extremely depopulated. 

Sixthly, That the defects in thofe acts for plant- 
ing f oreft-trees might be fully fupplied, iince they have 
hitherto been wholly effectual ; except about the de- 
mefnes of a few gentlemen : and even there in ee- 
neral very uniliiiruhy made, and thriving accord- 
ingly. Neither hath there yet been due care taken 
to preferve what is planted, or to inclofe grounds ; 
not one hedge in a hundred coming to maturity for 
want of ikill and induftrv. The neglect of coDims 
woods cut down hath likewife been of very evil 
confequences. And it men were restrained from 
that unlimited liberty of cutting down their own 
woods before the proper time^, as they are in fome 
other countries, it a mighty benefit to the 
kingdom. For, I believe, there is not another ex- 
ample in Europe of inch a prodigious quantity of 
excellent timber cut down in fo ihort a time, with 
fo little advantage to the country either in ihipping 
or building. 

I may add that abfurd practice of cutting turf 
without any regularity ; whereby great quantifies of 
reftorable land are made utterly defperate, many 
thouiiuids of cattle deilroyed, the turf more diffi- 


cult to come at arid carry home, and lefs ft fof- 
burning: the air made unwholefome by ftagnating; 
pools and marches ; and the very fight of fuch pla- 
ces often-live to tho'e who ride by. Neither iliould 
that odious aiftom be allowed of cutting fcraws (as 
they call them), which is flaying of the green fur- 
face of the ground to cover their cabins, or make 
up their ditches-; ibmetimes in fhallow foils*, where 
all is gravel within a few inches ; and Ibmetimes in 
low ground, with a thin green fward, and Hough y 
Underneath: which Lift turns all into a bog by th s 
r hmanagemcru. And I have heard from very 
ikilful countrymen) that by thHe two practices in 
turf and fcraws the kingdom lc&th ibnie hundreds 
of acres of profitable 3 md every year; besides the 
irreparable lofs of many ikirts o bogs; which have 
a green coat of grafs* and vet are mangled for turf : 
ana bcildes the want of canals by regular cutting,, 
which would not only be a nrea Rvenience for 
Bringing their turf home at an ear? rate, but like- 
wife render even the larger bogs mare dry and fafe 
for fammer-pafi:ure. 

T-hefe, and fome other {peculations of the 1 : 
kind, I had intended to publifh in a particular di 
courfe againit tliis iVlbon of parliament : beeaufe 
in fome" periods of my life, I had opportunity and 
curioilty to obierve, from what caufes thole great 
errors in every branch of country-management have 
arifen ; of which I have now ventured to relate but 
few out of very many; whereof feme perhaps 
would not be mentioned without giving oilence, 
which I have endeavoured by all poflible means to 
avoid. And for the lame reaion I chofd to acid 
here the little I thought proper to fay on this fub- 

But, as to the lands of thofe who are perpetual 
abientees, I do not fee any probability of their be- 
iejg ever improved. In former times their tenants 
hat at eafy rents ; but for fome years pall they have 

C z been. 



been, generally fpeaking, more terribly racked by 
the dexterity of mercilefs agents from England, than 
even thofe who held under the i'evereft landlords 
here. I was afTured upon the place by great num- 
bers of credible people, that a prodigious eftate in 
the county of Cork being let upon leafes for lives, 
and great fines paid, the rent was fo high, that the 
tenants begged leave to fnrrender their leafes, and 
were content to lofe their fines. 

The cultivating and improvement of land is cer- 
tainly a fubject worthy of the higheft inquiry in a- 
ny country, but efpecially in ours ; where we are 
fo ftrangely limited in every branch of trade that 
can be of advantage to us, and utterly deprived of 
thofe which are of the greateft importance ; where- 
of I defy the mo ft learned man in Europe to pro- 
duce me an example from any other kingdom in the 
world : for we are denied the benefit which God 
and nature intended to us ; as manifeftly appears by 
our happy iltuation for commerce, and the great 
number of our excellent ports. So that, I think, 
little is left us beiides the cultivating our own foil, 
encouraging agriculture, and making great planta- 
tions of trees, that we might not be under the necef- 
fity of fending for corn and bark from England, 
and timber from other countries. This would in- 
creafe the number of our inhabitants, and help to 
confume our natural products as well as manufac- 
tures at home. And I fhall never forget what I 
once ventured to fay to a great man in England, 
that few politicians, with all their fchemes, are half 
fo ufeful members of a commonwealth, as an honeft 
farmer ; who, by ikilfully draining, fencing, ma- 
nuring, and planting, hath increafed the intrinfic 
value of a piece of land ; and thereby done 
cv perpetual fervice to his country ; which it is 
a great controversy whether any of the former ever 
did, iince the creation of the world ; but no con- 


L E T T E R VII. 29 

If overly at all, that ninety-nine in a hundred have 
done abundance of mifc&ef. 

Although, in the foregoing letterr, Dr Swift till? S of 3'ber'y in a 
ftrain highly becoming a v. arm and zealous defender of ihe rights of 
his countrv, .v. h i ch h e mair.ta ns .'.;; ;i gr at foFce ot law) reafon. jm- 
tie. and eloquence j he Jicver onre deviates, v,-. the whole courle ot 
bis arguments, from the diflinguiihing of the moft 
lovai iu. eft - y wl.a.evcr might to the centr ry have teen iuppofed by 
a few degenerate i .uxs and fycoph >:::< in thefe day s : even by that fort 
of people, who, as the wife Lbi r B iron e.:pie;icsit," would fet a heme 
on five tor theconvct ience - f . i afting their even eggs at the thime. 

However mderd i :ch was the iniquity of the times, that a rewa'd 
of 300]. was o-Sered for the author of the 4. h letter, ci; icily hecaufc 
he . a . rgainr>ined therein che liretty of hisnecfinfry, and declared mi 
very high terms worthy of a brave and rti'chi'.e mind, that ne would 
con ii ue fi m a lid faithful to his Soven iun L< rd the King, wh stever 
t rn, in the vicijui-Uiles of this world, Jhfis Majer^y's affairs might pol- 

fiblv take in othtr parts of his dt minions*. f fi all oniv rem rk 

a this dodlrine, the contrary of which would, I think, have beep. 
n, and againft his oath of allegiance, that how much lo- 
e er ir was condemn d in the 1724 i v flaves'ar.d batterers ; ifwas in 
1745 fo univerfaily eflablifhed in ih< that If there had 
been ocfafion for '.he people or Ireland to hive drawn the i'word in de- 
fence of thefe fovereigB, (v.'h'i . befde their loyalty and affedfion Co 
hi I '.: \. .r;. , ibey have man) reals ns to thank God f jr that the; e was 
hot), K. George .11. would undonbteG'Jy'h-ve been fupporied in hit 
right to the imperial kingdom of Ireland, let- his Majef7y"s arihiis in 
o her pars oi h s dixninioru have tcken wha turn they might, by 
300,-000 &s L-ravc miHtia as any to be found ihsoug.icut all Eui&pe j 
even by the g and children of thofe nun fo renowned for their valor? 
ous atcl .1 vemerits in ; the days of K. Wiilkm 'If. As the au- 
thor of the 4th letter could r:.v. be difeovered, H.iding the printer was 
indicted in the ufual forms, and bn ught to the King's bench, to be 
tried befo'e rliat William Whiifl dtl above" mentioned. But the no- 
ble : ids to their Cfluivry -nd to the pub-lie inter. ft, would not 
find the bill. Wheroipsn the Chief Juftice in a rage dijfolved thq 
jury : en account of which he defervec to have b.e.T impeached by 
rh^houfe of -commons ; becaufe the diflolving of a ra..d jury, .., 
See above, p. S5. 1. 6. Swift, 


L 3 J 


The Drapier demolished, and fet out in 
his own proper colours j being a full Con- 
futation of all his Arguments againit 

Mr. Wood's Halfpence. 

By William Wood, Efq> 
Written in the year 1724. 

Te good people of Ireland,. 
T Make not the leaft doubt, when ye have impart 
* partially weighed and considered what 1 ihall of- 
fer upon the prefent occafion in my own defence, 
and againft your Drapier : when ye ihall make an 
exact affay of the arguments on both fides between 
him and me ; and, laitly, when ye ihall obferve, as. 
I ihall point it out, the abulive and reproachful lan- 
guage with which he has treated me ; I fay, as I 
jaid before, I make not the lean: doubt, but ye will, 
all to a man-reject him, and embrace ine with open 

In his firft letter to the tradefmen, fhopkeepers, 
farmers, and common people in general of the 
kingdom of Ireland, [above, p. 218. *J he begins 
with the wheedling preamble of Brethren, friends, 
countrymen, and fellow- fu bj eels. A loving begin- 
ning indeed ! But F wonder which of us two loves 
you beft ; he that is getting you no money at all, or 
I who am this prefent providing more money for 
you than you ihall know what to do with. O fad ! 

* The pages referred to la this paper are in Vol, 3d, 



() fad ! I am really concerned for the poorDrapier. 
Soon after he proceeds, and fays. 

u It is a great fault among you, that when a per- 
* c fon writes with no other intention than to do you 
" good, you will not be at the pains to read his ad- 
" vices/' [p. 220.] 

Artful enough indeed 1 This he did to draw you 
in like fo many gudgeons, to fwallow his falfe ar- 
guments ; and you fee he has accomplished his end 
at laft ; for had ye not read his letters, ye might 
have had the benefit of my halfpence thefe five or 
fix months paft. 

" Now, you muft know, that the halfence and 
farthines in England pafs for very little more 
than they are worth ; and if you fhould beat 
them to pieces, and fell them to the braiier, you 
would notlofe much above a penny in a ihilling. 
But Mr. Wood made his halfpence of fuch bale 
metal, and {o much fmaller than the Engliih 
ones, that the braiier would hardly give you a- 
bove a penny of good money for a iliiliing of 
his." [p. 221.] 
Ay, would he give three pence. But one may 
fee his malice here with half an eye. He does not 
tell of the vaft expence and trouble I am at in coin- 
ing ; the number of clerks I keep in pay ; 
how much I was out of pocket in getting my 
patent ; the great expenfe I {hall be at in f hipping 
them to Ireland ; wh-lch muft, in the nature of 
things, be a vaft drawback to the profit which I 
ought to have for my trouble ; and therefore it can- 
not be fuppofed I can either put as much or as good 
copper in the halfpence for Ireland, as thofe for 
England-. But, good Lord ! is not a halfpenny a 
halfpenny when once it is called fo ; and, if it paf- 
fes for a halfpenny, can you expect any more ? 
Good people, never mind one word he fays, though 
he fells you a dozen hats at five (hillings a-piece, 
which is three pound, is but five ihillmgsin my mo- 
ney j this is perfect tranfubftantiation to juggle you 




out of your fenfes three pound is but five mil- 
lings ! Well, if this be his computation, I have 

" This feme Mr. Wood was able to attend con- 
" ftamiy for his own mtereft ;" [and why mould 
not I ?] ; c * he is an Kngliihman, and had great 
* v friends," [God be thanked for that] ; " and it 
94 feems knew very weii where to give money to 
" thofe that would fpeak to others, that could 
14 fpeak to the King, and would tell a fair ftorv." 
[I grant that, and what would he infer ? 1 Then lie 
proceeds : " If his Majefty the King faw that it 
i; would utterly ruin the kingdom of Ireland, he 
" would fhew his diipleafure to fomebocry or other. 
'' But a word to the wife is enough." [We know 
his meaning by his mumping ; he had as well fpo- 
ken what he thought, like an honeft man. He 
proceeds] : '* Licit of yen niu-ft have heard with 
" what anger our hon jurable hotife of Commons 
" received an account of this Wood's patent. 
" There were iVveral fine fpeeches made upon it, 
" and plain proofs, that it was all a wicked cheat, . 
" from the bottom to the top ; and feveral fmart 
" votes were printed, which that fame Wood had 
u the anurance to aniwer likewife in print, and in 
*' xd confident a way, as if he were a better man 
tC than biE whole* parliament put together." [p. 221. 
222.] i 

The parliament was angry made fpeeches 

found me to be a wicked cheat -and I anfwered as 
if I had been a better man than the whole parlia-' 

ment Weil, I find this Drapier will fay any 

thing ; but I am very glad all the kingdom of Ire- 
land knows to the contrary. Let the Drapier anfwer 
me only thefe three queftions : Where did this par- 
liament lit? And where- are. the fpeeches? And 
where is my aniwer ? 

" The common foldier, when he rroes to the 
" market or akkoufe, will oiler this money, " 





[[meaning my halfpence] ; " and if it be refufed, per- 
" haps he will fwagger, and hector, and threaten 
** to beat the butcher or alewife," [threaten in- 
deed ! he will do it in earned], " or take the goods 
" by force, and throw them the bad halfpence." 
[Why fhould he not ? Is it any robbery if he pays 
them !] " in this and the like cafes, the fhopkeep- 
er, or victualler, or any other traddman, has no 
more to do, than to demand ten times the price 
of his goods, if it is to be paid in Wood's mo- 
money ; for example, twenty pence for a quart 
of ale" [p. 223.] The devil is in his confidence, 
twenty pence for a quart of ale ! I believe fuch ano- 
ther propofal was never lince Adam. To conflder 
all other things in proportion, what mifchief would 
this occafion ? That is, fifteen {hillings a-bottle for 
claret, at eighteen pence a-bottle ; for a flaik of 
Burgundy five and forty millings ; fifty fhillings a- 
day for a coach ; ten millings a dinner for a twelve- 
penny ordinary ; thirty iliillings a-day for a chair ; 
ten pence a frefh egg ; live pence a halpenny roll ; 
two pence halfpenny for a pint of fmail beer. In 
ftiort, by his advice, victuallers, vintners, and 
tradesfolk would foon get all the money of the 
kingdom into their own hands, mould they all fol- 
low the pot-of-ale example. And now to confider 
the poor, they would be undone by the Drapier's 
advice ; the butcher would have eighteen pence for 
a fheep's head ; the baker ten {hillings for a twelve- 
penny loaf; and thus would it be in proportion as 
to all their other exigencies. No, no, rather take 
my advice ; twopence a quart > and my hlefing. 

In p. 223. he denies that my halfpence are lawful 
money of England or Ireland. I fuppofe then he 
would have them lawful money of Scotland or 
Wales; for they mu ft be lawful fomev here. For 
does he think, under the fcarcity of money we find 
ai prefent, that we can afford to let fouricore and 





tea thoufand pound lie dead ? I need no other ar- 
gument to ihew what a friend he is to the public. 

i( Thy fay, 'Squire Conolly hath fixteen thou- 
u fand pounds a-year : now, if he fends for his 

rent to town, as it is likely he doth, he mult 
c have two hundred and fifty horfes to bring up 

his half years rent." [p. 224.] 

Suppofe he muft, where is the great hardfhip ? 
If a man of iixteen thoufand a-year cannot afford 
two hundre and fifty horles to draw his money, he 
deferves to want it. Til engage his under-tenants 
will lay it down at his door, and it ilia.ll not cod 
him a farthing; for the carriage. 

" Thefe halfpence, if they once pafs, will foon 
*' be counterfeited, becaufe it may be cheaply done, 
""the ftutF is fo bale. The Dutch likewife will 
" probably do the fame thing, and fend them over- 
i ' to us to p'-.y far our goods." [p. 2 2a .] 

The ftutf is good itarf, let him lay what he will ; 
and the halfpence are good halfpence, and I will 
ftand by it : if I made them of haver, it would 
be the fame thing to this grumbler. As for 
their being counterfeit, fare they counterfeit gold 
and illver, and can one help that ? for there ever 
have been rogues of coiners in the world, and will 
be to the end of it. As. for the Dutch, it is time 
enough to complain when they do coin. I am cer- 
tain they have not coined one halfpenny as yet ; 
and if they ihould, I (hall take care to ftock you 
fb well, that you fhali have no occaiion for theirs ; 
fo that they may carry them home again if they 

il It would be very hard, if all Ireland mould be 
" put into one fcale, and this forry fellow Wood 
" into the other; that Mr. Wood and his half- 
" pence ihould weigh down this whole kingdom, 
6i bv which England uets above a million of ^ood 
i( money every year clear into their pockets ; and 

44 that/. 





P that is more than theEngliih do by all the world 
ct beiides." [p. 225.] 

Parti riant monies But I beg pardon for talk- 
ing to him in a language which he does not under- 

" A famous law-book, called The mirror oj 
U jtffirce, difcouriing of the charters, (or laws), or- 
<; dained by our ancient kings, declares the law 
** to be as follows : it was ordained, that no king 
" of this realm ihould change, impair, or amend, 
" or make any money than of gold or {liver., with- 
out the affent of all the counties ; that is, as my 
Lord Coke [1 . Inft. 576.] lays, without the af- 
fent of parliament." [p. 226.] 
Then he concludes, according to cuftom, with 
his fine flattering fpeeches. 

" I will now, my dear friends, to fave you the 
" trouble, fet before you in ihort what the law 
** obliges you to do, and what it does not oblige 
l< vou to." [This Drapier is an excellent lawyer, 
I wonder he is not made a Lord Chancellor]]. 

" Firft, you are obliged to take all money in 
payments which is coined by the King, and is of 
the Engliih ftandard or weight, provided it be of 
'*' gold or lilver. 

" Secondly, you are not obliged to take any mo 

<{ ney which is not of gold or filver. 

" Tnirdly.nvuch lefs are we obliged to take thoie 

Ci vile halfpence of that lame Wood. 

" Therefore, my friends, ftand to it one and all : 
" refufe this filthy train. It is no treaion to rebel 
" againft Mr. Wood. His Majefly, in his pa- 
u tent, obliges nobody to take thefe halfpence." 
[p. 229.] 

So then, at this rate, they are coined for no- 
body, bv fomebodv; and fomebodv is to get no- 
thing by nobody. I have made a fine hand of my 
patent and coinage. Ye fee, Gentlemen, the force 
of that argument which the Drapier offers ; but I 


i i 


find logic is not his talent. Thus have I, with 
great patience, gone through this injurious piece or" 
fatire upon myfelf contained in this iirit letter. But 
knowing that the belt undertakers have always met 
with enemies and detractors, I comfort myfelf that 
I have far defeated this malicious author; that you 
are all convinced, I am now for all your goods ; 
and though a perfect ftranger to the country of 
Ireland, yet a little time will ihew what hiduftry and 
pains it has cod me, to make you a ilourifhing and 
a happy people. It is my inclination to preferve a 
good understanding between me and you, however 
wicked people may endeavour to interpoie. Before 
J conclude, I have one complaint more : I am told, 
that pitiful, malicious, inlidious, undermining, 
fcribbling Drapier let on a parcel of tattered, fil- 
thy, Irilh, buttermilk, potatoe fcoundrcls, to car- 
ry my effigies about in wood, and afterwards hang 
it at Stephen's Green, [p. 37.] for which I 
hope, when the parliament fits, to have ample fa- 
tisfaction. I am glad that none of the gentry of 
Ireland were concerned in that abominable pro- 

I am your beft friend, 



C 37 3 

A full and true account of the folemn pro- 
ceflion to the Gallows, at the execution 
of William Wood, Efq; and Hardware- 
man *. 

Written in the year 17*4. 

SOME time ago> upon a report fpread, that 
William Wood, hardwareman, was concealed 
in his brother-in-law's f houfe here in Dublin, a 
great number of people of different conditions, and 
of both fexes, crouded about the door, deter- 
minately bent to take revenge upon him, as a coin- 
er and a counterfeiter. Amongit the reft, a cer- 
tain curious perfon ftanding in a corner obferved, 
that they all difcovered their refentments in the 
proper terms and expreffions of their feveral trades 
and callings; whereof he wrote down as many as 
fee could remember ; and was pleafed to communi- 
cate them to me, with leave to publifh them for the 
ufe of thofe who at any time hereafter may be 
at a lofs for proper words wherein to exprefs 
their good difpofitions towards the faid William 
\\ r ood. 

* In th : s piece the author makes the fl-vera! artificers at:end Wil- 
liam Wood (represented by a log of timber) to 'he gallows, and each 
tracefnan oprefTes lis resentment ; n the terms of his proper calling. 
Tnen frUcws the proceffiOB, mod: humouronfly defcribed. The 
vhwle is a piece of ridicule too powerful lor the ftrojjgeit gravity to 
with ft and. Oney. 

f One Molvreux an ironmonger. 

Vol. IV. D Tfce 


. The people cried out to have him delivered into 

their hands/ 

Says the parliament- man. Expel him the houfe. 

2d parliament-man. I fecond that motion. 

Cook. I'll bafle him. 

2d Cook. I'll give him his belly full. 

3d Cook. 1*11 give him a lick in the chops. 

Ath. Cook. I'll fowce him. 

Drunken-man. I'll beat him as long as I can Jland. 

Bookieller. Til turn over a new leaf with. him.. 

Saddler. Ill pummel liim. 

.Glazier. I'll make the light fhine through him. 

Grocer. I'll pepper him. 

Groom. I'l curry his hide. 

'Pothecafy. Til pound him. 

2d 'Pocheeary. I'll beat him to mummy. 

Sthoolmafter. I'll make him an example, 

Rabbetcatcher. Til ferret him.. 

Paviour. I'll thump "him. 

Coiner I'll give him a rap. 

AVHIG. D'j\vn with him. 

TORY. Up with him. 

Miller; I'll dafli out his orinders, 

2d Miller. Dum him. 

Boatman. Sink him. 

Scavenger. Throw him in the kennel. 

Dyer. I'll beat him black and blue. 

Bagnioman. I'll make the houfe too hot for him. 

Whore. Pox rot him. 

2d Whore. Let me alone with him. 

3d "Whore. Clap him up. 

Multard-maker. I'll have him by the nofe* 

Curate. I'll make the devil come out of him, 

Popiih-prieft. .I'll fend him to the devil. 

D an cing-m after. Ill teach him better manners, 

2d Dancmg-mafter. I'll make him cut a caper 
three ftorv hmh. 

Farmer. I'll thrajb him. 

Tailor. I'll lit on hhJ&irU, 



ad Tailor. Hell is too good for him. 

3d Tailor. I'll pink his doublet. 

4th Tailor. I'll make his a > make buttons, 

Baiketmaker. I'll hamper him. 

Fiddler. I'll have him bv the ears. 

2d Fiddler. I'll ban<* him to fome tune. 

Barber. I'll have him by the beard. 

2d Barber. I'll pull his whifkcrs. 

3d Barber. I'll make his hair ftanel on end. 

4th Barber. I'll comb hillocks. 

Tinker. I'll try what metal he's made of. 

Cobler. I'll make an end of him. 

Tobacconist. I'll make him fmoke. 

2d Tobacconift. I'll make him fet up his pipes. 

Goldiinder, I'll make himftink. 

Kackney-coachman, III make him know hi* 

2d Hackney-coachman. I'll drive him to the 

Butcher. I'll have a limb of him. 

2d Butcber. Let us blow h'vi up. 

3d Butcher. My knife in him. 

Nurfe. I'll fwaddle him. 

Anabaptiit. We'll dip the rogue in the pond, 

Oftler. I'll rub him dawn. 

Shoemaker. Set him in the flecks. 

Banker. I'll kick him to ha If crowns. 

2d Banker. Ill pay him off. 

Bowler. I'll have a rubber with him. 

Gamefter. I'll make his bones rattle. 

Bo dice maker. Ill lace his fides. 

Gardener. I'll make him water his plants. 

Alewife. I'll reckon with him. 

Cuckold. I'll make him pull in his horns. 

Old woman. I'll mumble him. 

Hangmen, VWihrottle him. 

D 2 But 


But at laft the people, having received amaranccs, 
that William Wood was neither in the houfe nor 
kingdom, appointed certain commiffioners to hang 
him in effigie ; whereof the whole ceremony and 
procefiion deferve to be tranfmitted to pofterity. 

Firft, the way was cleared by a detachment of 
the blackguards, with fhort ftick in their hands, 
and cockades of paper in their hats. 

Then appeared William Wood, Efq: reprefented 
to the life by an old piece of carved timber, taken 
from the keel of a Ihip. Upon his face, which 
looked very difmal, were fixed at proper diftances 
feveral pieces of his own coin, to denote who he 
was, and to fignify his calling and his crime. He 
wore on his head a peruke, very artfully com- 
poled of four old mops; a halter about his neck 
lerved him for a cravat. His cloaths were indeed 
not fo neat and elegant as is ufual with perfons in his 
condition, (which fome cenforious people imputed to 
affectation), for he was covered with a large mgg 
of feveral colours in patchwork : he was borne up- 
on the fhoulders of an able-bodied porter. In his 
march by St. Stephen's green, he often bowed on 
both fides to fhew his refpecls to the company; his 
deportment was grave ; and his countenance, tho' 
iomewhat penfive, was very compofed. 

Behind him followed his father alone, in a long 
mourning cloak, with- his hat over his nofe, and a 
handkerchief in his left hand to wipe the tears from 
his face. 

Next in order marched the executioner himfelf in 
perfon ; whole venerable afpe<ft drew the eyes of 
the whole aftembly upon him ; but he was further 
diflinguiihed by a halter, which he bore upon his 
left moulder as the bage of his office. 

Then followed two perfons ; the one reprefent- 
ing William Wood's brother-in-law ; the other a 
certain faddler, his intimate friend, whofe name I 
forget. Each had a froaU kettle in his hand, 



wherein was a reafonable quantity of the new hair- 
pence. At proper periods they ihook their kettles, 
which matte a melancholy found, like the ringing 
of a knell for their partner and confederate. 

After thefe followed feveral officers, whofeaflift- 
ance was necefiliry for the more decent performance 
of the great work in hand. 

The proceffion was clofed with an innumerable 
croud of people, who frequently fent out loud 
huzzas ; which were cenfured by wifer heads as a 
mark of inhumanity, and an ungenerous triumph 
over the unfortunate, without duly coniidering the 
various viciflitudes of human life. However, as- 
it becomes an impartial hiftorian, I will nor con- 
ceal one obfervation, that Mr. Woodhimfelf ap^ 
pcared wholly unmoved, without the leait altera- 
tion in his countenance ; only when he came with- 
in fight of the fatal tree, which happened to be of 
the fame fpecies of timber with his own perfon, he 
feemed to be fomewhat peniive. 

At the place of execution he appeared undaunt- 
ed, nor was fcen to flied a tear. He made, no re- 
finance, but fubmitted himfelf with great resigna- 
tion to the hangman, who was indeed thought to 
life him with too much roughnefs, neither killing 
him nor aiking him pardon. Mis dying SPEECH 
was printed, and deferves to be written in letters of 
GOLD. Being a iked whether it were his own true- 
genuine SPEECH, he did not deny it. 

Thofe of the fofter fex, who attended the cere- 
mony, lamented that fo comely and well- timbered 
a man mould come to fo untimely an end. He 
hung but a ihort time ; for upon feeling his breaft, . 
they found it cold and ftiif . 

It is ftrange to think, how this -melancholy fpec- 
tacle turned the hearts of the people to compaflion. 
When he was cut down, the body was carried 
through the whole city to gather contributions for 
his wake ; and alLforts of people ihewed their li- 

D 3 berality 

42 AN ACCOUNT OF, &c. 

berality according as they were able. The ceremo- 
ny was performed In an alehoufe of diftinction, and 
in a manner fuitable to the quality of the deceafed. 
While the attendants were difcourfing about his fu- 
neral, a worthy member of the afiembly flood up, 
and propofed, that the body fhould be carried out 
the next day, and burned with the fame pomp and 
formalities ufed at his execution ; which would pre- 
vent the malice of his enemies, and all indignities 
that might be done to his remains. This was a- 
greed to ; and, about nine o'clock, on the follow- 
ing morning there appeared a fecond proceflion. 
But, burning not having been any part of the fen- 
tence, authority thought fit to interpofe, and the 
eorpfe was refcued by the civil power. 

We hear the body is not yet interred ; which oc- 
cafions many fpeculations. But, what is more won- 
derful, k is pofitively affirmed by many who pretend 
to have been eye-witneffes, that there does not appear 
the leaft alteration in any one lineament or feature 
of his countenance ; nor vifible decay in his whole 
frame, further than, what had been made by worms 
long before his execution. The folution of whick 
difficulty, I fhall leave among naturalifts. 


C 43 ] 

Some Confiderations on the Attempts to pafs 
Mr. Wood's brass money in Ireland. 

By a Lover of his Country. 

FT is a melancholy confideration, to fee <c the fe- 
*- " veral refolutions and addrefTes of both houfe9 
*' of parliament of Ireland, during their late {q{- 
fion, the late addrefs of his Majefty's juftices and 
privy council of that kingdom, and the petition 
of the county of the city of Dublin ;" whereby 
the unanimous fenfe of this nation, and " the great 
* apprehenfions they were under, from importing 
and uttering copper halfpence and farthings in 
Ireland, by virtue of the patent granted to 
William Wood," have been reprefented in the 
ftrongeft terms : I fay, it is a melancholy confede- 
ration, to fee the force of all thefe reprefentations 
eluded by the petitions of a fingle perfon, fuch as 
Mr. Wood. 

If juftice flood on the fide of this fingle perfon, 
it ought to give good men pleafure to fee that right 
mould take place ; but when, on the contrary, the 
commonweal of a whole nation, the quieting the 
minds of a people diffracted with apprehenfion of 
the utmoft danger to their properties, nay, the pre- 
fervation of the purity of their laws, is overborne 
by private intereft, what good man but mud la- 
ment fuch an unhappy if ate of affairs ? 

And fince the matter was of this importance, 
and feemed to carry with it the teftimony of hea- 
ven, in the univerfal cry of the people, how could 
any particular members of a community, which had 
thus with one voice deprecated the evil, with any 








44 ConfideYations on the Attempts 

mew of reafon take upon them the rifle of any mif- 
carriage in a trial, in a fubordinate court ? 

It was to our gracious Sovereign, that all thefe 
addrefles and petitions were prefented : it was into 
his fatherlv hands the whole nation committed the 
care of their came ; and it would have been the 
higheft piece of arrogance for any perfon to have 
prefumed to take upon themfelves a ftiare in that 
truft, which was only repofed in his Majefty's hands. 
It is no wonder therefore, " that every one was 
* guarded with caution, againft giving any advice 
*' or opinion in this matter of irate ;" for which 
reafon they ought to " apprehend great danger to 
themfelves from meddling in it." 
Though " this proceeding may feem extraordi- 
nary ;" yet it being on a mo ft extraordinary 
matter, on a matter of fuch importance, as feemed 
to involve the civil rights and properties of a whole 
nation in the ifliie of it ; on a matter wherein the 
Lords and Commons were complainants, and the 
King immediately concerned, not only as general" 
father of his people, but alfo as particular and on- 
ly truftee, in whom his people repofed entire con- 
fidence to redrefs the grievances complained of; was - 
it not entirely reafonable and fit, that every particular- 
perfon of this kingdom mould reft upon what was 
done by the whole body of the people duly afleni- 
bled in parliament, and not arrogantly afliime to 
themfelves a power of putting the fate of this na- 
tion to an iffue before twelve men ? 

Since then it plainly appears, that this matter is 
of fuch a high nature, that no particular perfon 
ought to have intermeddled in it ; it is to be pre- 
fumed, that the non-appearance of perfons u to* 
" fupport the united fenfe of both houfes of par- 
" liament of Ireland," can never be conftrued as a 
general diffidence, of being able to " fupport the- 
" charge brought againft the patent and patentee;" 
though indeed it might proceed from a general and 


to pafs Mr. Wood's Coin* 45 

a veryreafonable <c apprehension of a mifcarriage" 
in this important affair ; " wherein both houfes of 
" parliament had declared themfelves fo fully con- 
H vinced and fatisfied, upon evidence and exami- 
" nation taken in the moft folemn manner ;" that 
for my part I (and fo I hope every true lover of 
his country on his part) will look upon their refolu- 
tions to have the fame dignity (in this cafe) with a 
maxim in law, quia maxima eft corum dignitas, et 
certijfima authoritaSy atque quod maxime omnibus pro- 

And therefore I don't prefume to enter the lifts, 
in order to fupport the refolutions of both houfes 
of parliament ; for I look upon it, that they are 
" fo fure and uncontrollable, that they ought not 
'* to be queftioned :" but it ihall be the bufinefs of 
this paper to point out fome of the mifchiefs which 
will naturally reiuk from this coinage of Mr. 
Wood's, in cafe it ihould be forced upon us. 

We are told, that the power of ifiuing this mo- 
ney of Wood's is limited, " and without any com- 
*' puliion, and currency inforced, to be received 

by fuch only as would voluntarily and wilfully 

accept the fame." But then it is melancholy to 
behold, that this patent is explained to be obligato- 
ry " on all his Majefty's officers and minifters," to 
receive the fame. 

By this means there is a foundation laid for the 
molt unheard-of confufion that ever was introdu- 
ced into the bufinefs of a nation ; for here is efta- 
biilhed a fpecies of money, made of the bafeit me- 
tal, which none in employments under his Majefty 
mult refufe in payments to the crown or to them- 
felves, and yet all the reft of his fubjecls are at 
liberty to refufe the fame in payments to be made 
to them, either by his Majefty, or by any other 

Thus the revenue of the crown will be highly 
prejudiced, by the want of intrinilc value in the 


46 Confide rations on the df tempts 

coin with which it is paid ; and the army and ail 
others in emploments under his Majefty, are the 
perfons, who, in the firft place, muft bear the bur- 
then of this mifchief. For if they are the only per- 
fons who are obliged to receive this coin as current 
money, it is to be prefumed that no other perfons 
will receive the fame but wkhconfiderable allowance 
for the difference between the brafs money, and that 
made of gold and iilver. 

And even with a confiderahle allowance, it will 
be hard to conceive how this brafs money will 
iind any degree of currency in the world, with- 
out the affiftance of a fct of men, who may pro- 
bably raife great eftates in this unfettled courfe of 
affairs ; but fuch a fet of people ought never to be 
encouraged by a wife government, for they will 
make their fortunes by the lafles of good fubjects, 
and by preying on the revenue of the prince : and 
yet thole huckltcrs, or money jobbers, will be 
found necefJary if this brafs money is made current 
in the exchequer. 

To fhew in fome meafure the proportion of thrs 
mifchief to his Majefty 's revenue, and to thofe in 
immediate offices under him ; it mull be confider- 
ed, that the grofs revenue of this kingdom is about 
500,0001. per annum ; out of which muft be de- 
ducted the charge of collection and drawbacks ; 
which, to be fure, the feveral collectors, and thofe 
who are to receive the drawbacks will take care to 
receive in Sterling money ; about 80,000 1. per an- 
num ; and there will remain for the difcharge of 
the civil and military lifts, pennons, &c. 420,000!. 
per annum, which fum, it is probable, ifTues out of 
the treafury by monthly payments of about 35,0001. 
per month; for otherwife the current cafh in this 
nation could not poffibly pay the revenue, and ferve 
to carry on even the little buflnefs of this country, 
for it hath never been computed that our current 
coin amounts to more than 50,000 1. fo that if 

40,000 1. 

to pafs Mr. Wood's Coin. 47 

40,000 1. of Mr. Wood's brafs money is thrown 
in upon ns, (even admitting that no more of this 
fpecies mould be brought in), it is manifefl that 
that fum. will be near one twelfth of the whole 
coin in the nation ; and more than one month's 
pay of the civil and military lifts, and pennons, &c. 
of this kingdom. 

If this fum mould ftagnate in the treafury, it is 
certain there will be no greater lofs (immediately 
brought) by this coin to the revenue, than the mo- 
ney that there lies dead amounts to : but if it is 
hTued in monthly payments to the army, and other 
his Majefty's officers and minifters, as in all proba- 
bility it muft : then this coin, being compofed of a 
bafe metal, current only in the exchequer, where 
it is received at an imaginary value, of at leaft 60 
per cent, more than the real value of the material, 
it will be mddenly paid back again to the col- 
lectors and by that means pafs through the trea- 
sury, at leaft three times in every year ; for 
there we are told, it is to meet with no let or mo- 

And feeing the currency of this money is not 
inforced on any other of his Majefty's fubjecls, it 
is eafy to conceive, that the difference of value be- 
tween this coin, and the gold and fllver, which will 
be current in the nation, will be fettled by the mo- 
ney-jobbers, at about 20 per cent, clifcount. 

By which means alone, there will be loft in the 
intrinfic value of the revenue the fum of 24,000 1. 
per annum, without computing for the lofTes which 
.muft ncceftarily be brought to the revenue, by the 
general diffidence, which die introducing this coin 
will create among the people ; all Which will be ma- 
nifeftly " deftruclive of the trade and commerce of 
<c the kingdom, and of dangerous confequence to 
-" the properties of the fubjecl." 

And yet the evil has been here computed on a 
ifuppoiirion that onlv ac,ooo 1. of this money will 


48 Corfideratiom on the Attempts 

be uttered in the kingdom ; but I take it to be im* 
poffible to limit the quantity that fhall be brought 
in, efpecially if the importers of it have fo fure a 
market for the fame as the exchequer. 

For though his Majefty fhould be able to prevent 
Mr. Wood from coining any more than 40,000 1. 
and fhould never hereafter be prevailed upon to 
grant his fpecial licence or authority to enlarge that 
fum, yet it will be impoflible to prevent the impor- 
tation of this fort of coin from other nations. 
And there have been fuch variety of dyes made ufe 
of by Mr. Wood in ftamping his money, that it 
makes the difcovery of counterfeits more difficult ; 
and the profit is fo great, that it will be a funic ient 
temptation to our induftrious neighbours of Hol- 
land to fend by large quantities of this coin to fo 
fure a market as the exchequer. 

And perhaps it may be a queftion among lawyers, 
whether a man can be puniihed, at the King's fuit, 
for counterfeiting this coin, becaufe it is not the 
current coin of the kingdom ; for though thefe 
halfpence are to be received as money in the exehe* 
quer, yet in trade they are no better than counters, 
and therefore the patent may perhaps be conitrued - 
to be no more than a grant of a monopoly to make 
thofe counters. 

But it is worth obferving, that if this patent is fo 
worded, as that his Majefty's officers, employed in 
the receipt of his revenue, cannot refufe receiving 
this coin, it is directly contrary to two acts of par- 
liament now in force in this kingdom, and which 
are to be found in the books of rates diftributed 
among the officers of the revenue. 

For by the act of tonnage and poundage, 14 and 
15 Car. II. cap. 9. the duties thereby granted to his 
Majefry and his fucceffiors, are to be paid in lawful 
money of England. And by the act of excife, or 
new impoft, 14 and 15 Car. II. cap. 8. it is ex- 
prefsly declared and exacted, " That the feveral 

" rates 

e ( 

to pafs Mr, Wood's Coin, 49 

" rates and duties of excife, and all fines, penal- 
f* ties, forfeitures, or other fum, or funis of mo- 
ney rated, impofed, fet, or forfeited, in and by 
this act, are meant and intended to be current 
and lawful money or monies of England, and 
that all and every of the fame, be therefore de- 
manded, received, paid, and fatisfied accord- 

By thefe acts it is manifect, that the collectors are 
obliged to receive the feveral duties arifing from the 
cuftom and excife, in no other money but fuch as 
is current and lawful money of England ; and Mr. 
Wood's halfpence and farthings not being current 
or lawful money in England, or in this kingdom, 
if this patent is obligatory on them to receive pay- 
ments in this coin, it is contrary to acts of parlia- 
ment, and therefore void in itfelf. 

And if the feveral collectors of his Majefty's re- 
venue in this kingdom ihould receive the faid du- 
ties, or any part of them, in Mr. Wood's brafs 
money, it would be afTuming to themlelves a power 
to difpenfe with thofe acts of parliament, contrary 
to the fenfe of both houl'es of parliament, and 
contrary to their refpective oaths ; fo that it feems 
highly reafonable, becaufe confonant to law, that 
" the officers of the revenue Ihould give orders 
<l to the inferior officers, not to receive this 
' coin." 

Perhaps it will be faid, that the King hath a pow- 
er to direct what coin he pleafes to be received by 
the officers of his revenue, and that this patent is 
in confequence of fuch a prerogative. But it is to 
be hoped, that this doctrine will never be main- 
tained, in favour of a coin, to which the whole 
nation, as well in parliament afTembled as in their 
private capacities, have {hewed a general dif- 

Moreover, as this cafe {lands circurrrftranced, it is 

a great queiHon, whether his Majefty hath fuch a 

Vol, IV, E dif. 

50 Conftderations -on the Attempts 

difpenfmg power: for though it mould be allowed, 
that his Majefty might direct the receipt of his own 
revenue in what coin he pleafes ; yet it is moft cer- 
tain, that his Majeity does not intend to inforce the 
currency of Wood's money among any of his fub- 
jects, much lefs doth his Majefty intend to oblige 
thofe who are untitled, by act of parliament to be 
paid in current money of England, to receive this 
money of Mr. Wood's. 

And it is plain, that, by the act of excife, there 
are feveral tines, penalties, and forfeitures, which, 
by virtue of that act, are to be received in current 
money of England, and to half thofe lines, forfei- 
tures, and penalties, the informers are intitled by 
virtue of the faid act : {o that if the officers mould 
be obliged to receive them in brafs money, the in- 
formers muft neceflarily iofe the benefit of the faid 
act : and I may venture to fay, that act cannot be 
repealed but by another act, to be made by King, 
Lords, and Commons ; and not by a patent. 

All thefe things having been, among many other 
very weighty matters, laid before both houfes of 
parliament of Ireland ; it is not to be wondered, 
that " they reprefent, that the patent had been ob- 
" tained in a clandeftine and unprecedented man- 
" ner, and by notorious mifreprefentations of the 
" ftate of Ireland." For what can be more clan- 
deftine, than to obtain a patent with powers, not 
only " highly prejudicial to his Majefty's revenue, 
" definitive of the trade and commerce of the 
" kingdom, and of dangerous confequence to 
M the properties of the fubject," but aifo contrary 
to feveral acts of parliament ? and that this was 
an unprecedented attempt, at leaft in this reign, 
will be readily allowed ; therefore all the repre- 
fentations made of the ftate of Ireland, in order- 
to obtain this patent, may with great truth be call- 
ed notorious mifreprejentations. 



to pa/s Mr. Wood's Coin. 51 

But it has been (aid, that his Majefty cannot 
proceed againft the patentee, but according to the 
known rules and maxims of law and juftice : and 
God forbid that any one of this kingdom mould 
advife his Majefty to fubvert or difpenfc with any 
of our laws. No part of the addreiTes from the 
houfes of parliament of Ireland has the leait ten* 
dency this way. 

For though the houfe of Commons, in their Se- 
cond addrefs to his Majefty, u moft humbly befeech 
<c his Majefty that he will be gracioufly pleafed to 
give directions to the feveral officers intruded 
with the receipt of his Majefty 5 s revenue, that 
they do not, on any pretence whatfoever, utter 
** fuch halfpence and farthings :" yet, if his Ma- 
jefty had been gracioufly pleafed to have given or- 
ders, according to this humble addrefs of his peo- 
ple of Ireland ; it is humbly conceived that this 
would have been only an affirmance of the law of 
the land, as hath been faid, and not anyway con- 
trary to law. 

For though his- Majefty, by " his patent under 
the great feal of Great Britain, wills, requires, 
and commands his lieutenant, deputy, or other 
chief governor or governors of his kingdom of 
Ireland, and all other officers and minifters or 
his Majefty, his heirs and fuccefTbrs in England, 
Ireland, or elfewhere. to be aiding and affifting 
to the faid William "Wood, his executors, &c. 
in the execution of all or any the powers, au- 
thorities, directions, matters, or things to be 
executed by him or them, or for his or their be- 
nefit or advantage, by virtue, and in purfuance 
of the laid indentures ;" yet it is " in all things 
as becometh," &c. And this is to be expounded 
by the known laws of the land, and by other parts 
if the faid patent, whereby it is manifeft, that his 
Majefty never intended a to in force the currency 


52 Confiderations on the Attempts, &. 

" of this money, to be received by any perfon, that 
" would not voluntarily and wilfully accept the 
" feme.* 

Therefore, fince the people have fhewed a gene- 
ral diflike of this coin, it is to be hoped, that fome 
method will be found out to eafe their minds from 
the diftra&ion thsv are under on this occaiion. 

A ihort 

L Si J 

A fbort Vi.ew- of tie Stare of Ireland* 
Written in the year 1727/ 

T AM afTuredj that it hath for fome time been 
* practifed as a method of making mens court, 
when they are aiked about the rate of lands, the 
abilities of tenants, the ftate of trade and manu- 
Picture in this kingdom, and how their rents arc 
paid, to anfwer, that in their neighbourhood all' 
things are in a flouriihing condition, the rent and 
purchafe of land every day incrcaiing. And if a : 
gentleman happen 1 to be a little more iincere in hi-: 
reprefentations ; befides being locked on as no> 
mil affected, he is fure to have a dozen contradict- 
ors at his elbow. I think it is no manner of fecret- 
why thefe queftions are fo cordially -uked. or ?<* 
obligingly anfwered. 

But iince, with regard 7 to the a&alrs or this &?g~ 
dom, I have been ufmg all endeavours to ftibdue 
my indignation ; to which indeed I am not pro- 
voked by any perfonal intereft, not being the own- 
er of one fpot of ground in the whole Brand ; ? 
fhall only enumerate by rules generally known, and, 
never contradicted, what are the true catifcs of any 
country's flourifhing and growing rich ; and ther.- 
examine what effects- arlfe from thole caufes in the- 
kingdom of Ireland. 

The firft. caufe of a kingdom's thriving i?, the 
fruitfulnefs of the foil to produce the ntceflaries 
and conveniences of life; not only fuhheient fer- 
tile inhabitants, but for- exportation into other - 

The fecond is, the induftry of the people, in 

E 3 working 


working tip all their native commodities to the laft 
degree of manufacture. 

The third is, the conveniency of fafe ports and 
havens to carry out their own goods as much ma- 
nufactured, and bring in thofe of others as little 
manufactured, as the nature of mutual commerce 
will allow. 

The fourth is, that the natives fhould, as much 
as poflible, export and import their goods in vef- 
fels of their own timber, made in their own coun- 

The fifth is, the privilege of a free trade in all 
foreign countries, which will permit them, ex- 
cept thofe who are in war, with their own prince 
or Mate. 

The fixth is, by being governed only by laws 
made with their own conient ; for otherwife they 
are not a free people. And therefore all appeals 
for juftice, or applications for favour or prefer- 
ment, to another country, are fo many grievous 
impover ifhments . 

The feventh is, by improvement of land, encou- 
ragement of agriculture, and thereby increafing the 
number of their people ; without which any coun- 
try, however blelTed by nature, muft continue 

The eighth is, the residence of the prince, or 
chief adminiftrator of the civil power. 

The ninth is, the concourfe of foreigners for e- 
ducation, curiofity, or pleafure ; or as to a general 
mart of trade. 

The tenth is, by difpofing all offices of honour, 
profit, or truft, only to the natives ; or at leaft 
with very few exceptions, where ftrangers have long 
inhabited the country, and are fuppofed to under- 
stand and regard the intereft of it as their own. 

The eleventh is, when the rents of lands, and 
profits of employments, arc fpent in the country 
which produced them, and not in another ; the 



former of which will certainly happen, where the 
love of our native country prevails. 

The xwelfth is, by the public revenues being all 
fpent and employed at home, except on the occa- 
iions of a foreign war. 

The thirteenth is, where the people are not ob- 
liged, unlefs they find it for their own intereft or 
conveniency, to receive any monies, except of their 
own coinage by a public mint, after the manner of 
all civilized nations. 

The fourteenth is, a difpofition of the people of 
a countrv to wear their own manufactures, and 
import as few incitements to luxury, either in 
cloaths, furniture, food, or drink, as they poffibly 
can live conveniently without. 

There are many other caufes of a nation's thriv- 
ing, which I at prefent cannot recollect : but with- 
out advantage from at leaft fome of thefe, after 
turning my thoughts a long time, I am not able to 
difcover from whence our wealth proceeds, and 
therefore would gladly be better informed. In the 
mean time I will here examine, what fliare falls to 
Ireland of thefe caufes, or of the effects and con- 

It is not my intention to complain, but barely to 
relate facts ; and the matter is not of fmall import- 
ance. For it is allowed, that a man who lives in a 
folitary houfe, far from help, is not wife in endea- 
vouring to acquire in the neighbourhood the repu- 
tation of being rich ; becaufe thofe who come for 
gold, will go off with pewter and brafs, rather than 
return empty ; and in the common practice of the 
world, thofe who porTefs moft wealth, make the 
leaft parade ; which they leave to others, who have 
nothing elfe to bear them out in mewing their faces 
on the Exchange. 

As to the firft caufe of a nation's riches, being 
the fertility of the foil, as well as temperature of 
climate, we have no reafon to complain : for, al- 


though the quantity of unprofitable land in this 
kingdom, reckoning bog and rock, and barren 
mountain, be double in proportion to what it is in 
England ; yet the native productions, which both 
kingdoms deal in, are very near an equality in point 
of goodnefs, and might with the fame encourage- 
ment be as well manufactured. I except mines and 
minerals ; in fome of which however we are only 
defective in point of (kill and induftry. 

In the fecond, which is the induftry of the peo- 
pie, our misfortune is not altogether owing to our 
own fault, but to a million of discouragements. 

The conveniency of ports and havens, which na- 
ture hath beftowed fo liberally on this kingdom, is 
of no more ufe to us, than a beautiful profpect to 
a man fliut up in a dungeon. 

As to (hipping of its own, Ireland is fo utterly 
unprovided, that, of all the excellent timber cut 
down within thefe fifty or fixty years, it can hardly 
be faid, that the nation hath received the benefit of 
one valuable houfe to dwell in, or one ihip to trade 

Ireland is the only kingdom I ever heard or read 
of, either in ancient or modern frory, which was 
denied the liberty of exporting their native commo- 
dities and manufactures wherever they pleafed, ex- 
cept to countries at war with their own prince or 
ftate : yet this privilege, by the fuperiority of mere 
power, is refufed us in the moit momentous parts 
of commerce; befides an act of navigation, to which 
we never confented, pinned down upon us, and ri- 
goroufly executed ; and a thouiand other unexam- 
pled circumftances, as grievous as they are invidi- 
ous to mention. To go on to the reft : 

It is too well known, that we are forced to obey 
fome laws we never confented to ; which is a condi- 
tion I muft not call by its true uncontroverted name 
for fear of Lord Chief Juftice Whitihed's ghoft, 



with his libertas et natale folum* , written for a mot- 
to on his coach, as it flood at the door of the court, 
while he was perjuring himfelf to betray both. Thus 
we are in the condition of patients, who have phyfic 
fent them by doctors at a diftance, ftrangersto their 
constitution and the nature of their difeafe : and 
thus we are forced to pay five hundred per cent, to 
decide our properties : in all which we have like- 
wife the honour to be diftinguifhed from the whole 
race of mankind. 

As to the improvement of land : thofe few who 
attempt that or planting, through covetoufnefs or 
want of fkill generally leave things worfe than they 
were ; neither fucceeding in trees nor hedges ; and 
by running into the fancy of grazing, after the 
manner of the Scythians, are every day depopulat- 
ing the country. 

We are fo far from having a king to reflde a- 
mong us, that even the viceroy is generally abfent 
four fifths of his time in the government. 

No Strangers from other countries make this a 
part of their travels ; where they can expect to fee 
nothing but fcenes of mifery and defolation. 

Thofe who have the misfortune to be born here, 
have the lead title to any coniiderable employment ; 
to which they are feldom preferred, but upon a po- 
litical confideration. 

One third part of the rents of Ireland is fpent in 
England ; which, with the profit of employments, 
penfions, appeals, journeys of pleafure or health, 
education at the inns of court and both univerfittes, 
remittances at pleafure, the pay of all fuperior offi- 
cers in the army, and other incidents, will amount 
to a full half of the income of the whole kingdom, 
all clear profit to England. 

We are denied the liberty of coining gold, filver, 
or even copper. In the ifle of Man they coin their 

* Liberty and my native ccwatry, 



#wn fllver : every petty prince, vaiTal to the empe- 
ror, can coin what money he pleafeth. And in 
this, as in moft of the articles already mentioned, 
we are an exception to all other ftates or monar- 
chies that were ever known in the world. 

As to the laft, or fourtenth article,, we take fpe- 
cial care to aft diametrically contrary to it in the 
whole courfe of our lives. Both fexes, but efpe- 
cially the women, defpife and abhor to wear any o 
their own manufactures, even thofe which are bet- 
ter made than in other countries ;. particularly a fort 
of filk plaid, thro' which the workmen are forced to 
run a kind of gold thread that it may pafs for Indi- 
an. Even ale and potatoes are imported from Eng- 
land, as well as corn : and our foreign trade isi 
little more than importation of French wine, for 
which T am told we pay ready money. 

Now, if all this be true, (upon which I could' 
eafily enlarge), I would be glad to know, by what 
fecret method it is, that we grow a rich and flou* 
rifhing people without liberty, trade, manufactures,, 
inhabitants, money, or the privilege of coining ;. 
without induftry, labour, or improvement of land;, 
and with more than half the rent and profits of the 
whole kingdom annually exported, for which we 
receive not a lingle farthing : and to make up all 
this, nothing worth mentioning, except the linen 
of the north, a trade cafual, corrupted and at 
mercy ; and fome butter from Cork. If we do- 
fiouriih,. it muft be againft every law of nature and 
reafon : like the thorn at Glaftenbury, that blof- 
foms in the midft of winter. 

Let the worthy commiiKoners, who come from 
England, ride round the kingdom, and obferve the 
face of nature, or the face of the natives ; the im- 
provement of the land ; the thriving numerous 
plantations ; the noble woods ; the abundance and 
vicinity of country-feats; the commodious farmers 
houfes and barns ; the towns and villages, where 



ltvery body is bufy, and thriving -with all kinds of 
^manufactures ; the fhops full of goods wrought to 
perfection, and filled with cuftomers ; the comfort- 
able diet, and drefs, and dwellings of the people ; 
Ihe vaft numbers of mips in our harbours and docks, 
land fhipwrights in our fea-port towns ; the roads 
irrouded with carriers, laden with rich manufac- 
tures ; the perpetual concourfe to and fro or pom- 
Ipous equipages. 

With what envy and admiration would thofe gen- 
tlemen return from fo delightful a progrefs ? what 
[{glorious reports would they make, when they went 
jback to England. 

But my heart is too heavy to continue this irony 
(longer ; for it is manifeff, that whatever ilranger 
[took fuch a journey, would be apt to think himfelf 
[travelling in Lapland or Iceland, rather than in a 
fcountry fo favoured by nature as ours, both in 
fruitfulnefs of foil, and temperature of climate. 
The miferable drefs, and diet, and dwelling of the 
-people ; the general defolation in moft parts of the 
kingdom ; the old feats of the nobility and gentry 
all in ruins, and no new ones in their ftead ; the fa- 
milies of farmers, who pay great rents, Wiving in 
filth and naftinefs upon buttermilk and potatoes, 
i without a fhoe or flocking to their feet, or a houfe 
fo convenient as an Engliih hogrfty to receive them. 
. Thefc indeed may be comfortable fights to an Eng- 
liih fpeclator : who comes for a fhort time, only 
to ham the language, and returns back to his own 
!country,whither he finds all our wealth tranfmitted. 

Nqfira miferia magna eft. 

There is not one argument ufed to prove the 
riches of Ireland, which is not a logical demonftra- 

- o 

tion ok its poverty. The rife of our rents is fqueez- 
ed out of the very blood, and vitals, and cloaths, 
and dwelling of the tenants, who live worfe than 
Englifh beggars. The lownefs of interefr, in.all o- 



ther countries a fign of wealth, is in us a proof of 
mifery ; there being no trade to employ any bor- 
rower. Hence alone comes the dearnefs of land, 
fince the favers have no other way to lay out their 
money i hence the dearnefs of necefTaries for life : 
becaufe the tenants cannot afford to pay fuch extra- 
vagant rates for land, (which they muft take or go 
a-begging), without railing the price of cattle, and 
of corn, although themfelves mould live upon 
chaff. Hence our increafe of buildings in this city ; be- 
caufe workmen have nothing to do but to employ one 
another, and one half of them are infallible undone. 
Hence the daily increafe of bankers, who may be a 
neceiTary evil in a trading country, but fo ruinous 
in ours who for their private advantage, have fent 
away all our lilver, and one third of our gold : fo 
that within three years paft the running cam of the 
nation, which was about five hundred thoufand 
pounds, is now lefs than two, and muft daily dimi- 
nifli, unlefs we have liberty to coin, as well as that 
important kingdom, the ifle of Man, and the mean- 
eft principality in the German empire, as I before 

I have fometimes thought, that this paradox of 
the kingdom growing rich is chiefly owing to thofe 
worthy gentlemen the BANKERS ; who, except 
lbme cuftomhoufe officers, birds of paflage, op- 
preffive thrifty 'fquires, and a few others who mall 
be namelefs, are the only thriving people among us : 
and I have often wiflied, that a law were enacted to 
hang up half a dozen bankers every year, and 
thereby interpofe at leaft fome fhort delay to the 
further ruin of Ireland. 

Ye are idle, ye are idle, anfwered Pharaoh to the 
Ifraelitres, when they complained to his Majefty, that 
they were forced to make bricks without ft raw. 

England enjoys everyone of thofe advantages for 
enriching a nation, which I have above enumerat- 
ed ; and into the bargain, a good million returned 



to them every year without labour or hazard, or one 
farthing value received on our iide : but how lon^ 
we fhall be able to continue the payment, I am not 
under the lead concern. One thing I know, that 
tvhen the ben isjlarved to death, there will be no more 
golden eggs ; 

I think it a little unhofpitable, and others may 
call it a fubtile piece of malice, that becaufe there 
may be a dozen families in this town able to enter- 
tain their Englifh friends in a generous manner at 
their tables, their guefts upon their return to Eng- 
land, mall report , that we wallow in riches and 

Yet, I confefs, I have known an hofpital, where 
all the houfehold-officers grew rich; while the poor, 
for whofe fake it was built, were aimoit ftarving 
for want of food and raiment. 

To conclude, if Ireland be a rich and flpurifh- 
ing kingdom, its wealth and prosperity muft be 
owing to certain caufes, that are yet concealed from 
the whole race of mankind ; and the effects are e- 
qually inviiible. We need not wonder at ftrangers 
when they deliver inch paradoxes ; but a native and 
inhabitant of this kingdom, who gives the fame ver- 
dict, mult be either ignorant to ftupidity, or a man- 
pleafer at the expenfe of all honour, confeience, 
and truth*. 

# The prefent {late of Ireland \ is, in general, as flourishing as 
poffible. Agriculture is cultivated : arts and fciences are encouraged : 
and in the fpace of eighteen years, wh'.ch is aimoit the fall time th-it 
I have known it, no kingdom can be more improved. Ireland, in re- 
lation to England, may be compared to a you.iger filler lately come of 
age, after having furFere J all the miseries of* an injured minor, furh 
as law-fuits, incr. rchments upon her properly, violation of her rh his, 
destruction of her tenants, and every evil that can be named. At long li 
time, and her own noble fpirit of industry, have entirely rel eved her, 
and, fome little heartburni"gs excepted, fiie enj ys the qui;' tfoflefTon 
of a very ample fortune, fubjecl, by way of acknowledgement, to cer- 
tain quitrents, payable to the elder of her houfc. Take t all 
in all, fise canno; have a greater fortune uian &e deferveg. Or, cry. 

Vol. IV. F An 


I 62 ] 

An Answer to a paper, called, A memo- 
rial cj the poor inhabitants, trade/men, and 
labourers cf the kingdom of Ireland. 

Written in the year 1728. 

I Received a paper from you, whoever you are, 
printed without any name of author or printer *, 
and fent, I fuppofe, to me among others without 
any particular distinction. It contains a complaint 
of the dearnefs of corn ; and fome fchemes for 
making it cheaper, which I cannot approve of. 

But pray permit me, before I go further, to give 
you a fhort hiftory of the fteps by which we arri- 
ved at this hopeful fituation. 

It was indeed the fhameful practice of too many 
Irifh farmers to wear out their ground with plough- 
ing ; while, either through poverty, lazinefs, or 
ignorance, thev neither took care to manure it as 
they ought, nor give time to any part of the land to 
recover itfelf; and when their leafes are near expir- 
ing, being allured that their landlords would not 
renew, they ploughed even the meadows, and made 
inch havock, that many landlords were confider- 
able fufferers by it * T . 

This gave birth to that abominable race of gra- 
fiers, who upon expiration of the farmers leafes 
were ready to ingrofs great quantities of land ; and 
the gentlemen having been before often ill paid, 
and their land wore out of heart, were too eafily 

* This prntice prob.bly produced the peral claufes to prohibit 
ploughing, mentioned in the Pnfofalfir the umwfal uft of hip ma- 

r ,: [xFtuics t 


AN ANSWER, &c. 6*3 

tempted, when a rich grafier made an offer to take 
all their land, and give them fecurity for payment. 
Thus, a vaft tract of land, where twenty or thirty 
farmers lived, together with their cottagers and la- 
bourers in their feveral cabbins, became all defo- 
liate, and eailly managed by one or two herdfmen 
and their boys ; whereby the mafter-grafier with. 
Httle trouble feized to himfelf the livelihood of a 
hundred people. 

It mn ft be confefled, that the farmers were juft- 
ly puniftied for their knavery, brutality, and folly. 
But neither are the fquires and landlords to be ex- 
cufed; for to them is owing the depopulating of the 
country, the vaft number of beggars, and the ruin 
of thole few forry improvements we had. 

That farmers ihould be limited in ploughing, is 
very reafonable, and praclifed in England ; and 
might have eafily been done here by penal claufes 
in their leafes : but to deprive them in a manner 
altogether from tilling their hinds, was a nroft ftu- 
pid want of thinking. 

Had the farmers been confined to plough a cer- 
tain quantity of land, with a penalty often pounds 
an acre for whatever they exceeded, and farther li- 
mited for the three or four laft years of their leaics, 
all this evil had been prevented ; the nation would 
have faved a million of money 5 and been more po- 
pidous by above two hundred thonfand fouls. 

For a people denied the benefit of trade, to ma- 
nage their lands in fuch a manner as to produce 
nothing, but what they are forbidden to trade 
with, or only fuch things as they can neither export 
nor manufacture to advantage ; is an abfurclity that 
a wild Indian would- be afhamed of; efpecially 
when we add, that we are content to purchafe this 
hopeful commerce by fending to foreign markets 
for our daily bread. 

The grafter's employment is to feed great flocks 
of fheep, or black cattle, or both. "With regard 

T z to 


to fhecp, as folly is ufually accompanied with per- 
verfeaefs, fo it is here. There is fomething fo 
monftrous to deal in a commodity (farther than for 
our own nfe) which we are not allowed to export ; 
xn aim facte d, nor even unmanufactured, but to one 
certain country, and only to fome few ports in that 
country ; there is, I fay, fomething fo fottifh, that 
it wants a name in our language to exprefs it by ; 
and the good of it is, that the more flieep we have, 
the fewer human creatures are left to wear the 
wool, or cat the flefh. Ajax was mad, when he 
miitook a flock of flieep for his enemies : but we 
Jhall never be fober, until we have the fame way of 

The other part of the gralier's bufinefs is what 
we call bhick entile, producing hides, tallow, and 
beef for exportation : all which are good and ufe- 
ful commodities, if rightly managed. But it feems, 
the greateft part of the hides are fent cut raw for 
want of bark to tan them ; and that want will dai- 
ly grow ftronger : for, I doubt, the new project of 
tanning without it is at an end. Our beef, I am a- 
fraid, ftili continues fcandalous in foreign markets 
for the old reafons. But our tallow, for any thing 
I know, may be good. However, to beftow the 
whole kingdom on beef and mutton, and there- 
by drive out half the people, who mould eat their 
{hare, and force the reft to fend fometimes as far as 
Egypt for bread to eat with it, is a moft peculiar 
and diftinguiihed piece of public ceconomy, of 
which I have no comprehenfion. 

I know very well that our anceftors the Scythians, 
and their pofterity our kinfmen the Tartars, lived 
upon the blood, and milk, and raw flefh of their 
cattle, without one grain of corn ; but I confefs 
myfeif fo degenerate, that I am not eafy without 
bread to my victuals. 

What amazed me for a week or two, was to fee, 
in this prodigious plenty or cattle, and dearth of 



human creatures, and want of bread, as well as 
I money to buy it, that all kind of flefh-meat mould 
be monftrouilv dear, bevond what was ever known 
in this kingdom. I thought it a defect in the laws, 
that there was not fome regulation in the price of 
Helh, as well as bread : but I imagine myfelf to 
have gueiTed out the reafon \ in fhort, I am apt to 
think, that the whole kingdom is overftocked with 
cattle, both black and white : and as it is obferved, 
that the poor Irifh have a vanity to be rather own- 
ers of two lean cows, than one fat, although with 
i double the charge of grating, and but half the 
quantity of milk ; fol conceive it much more diffi- 
cult at prefent to find a fat bullock or wether, than 
it would be. if half of them were fairly knocked 
on the head : for I am aflbrod, that the diltricl in 
the feveral markets, Galled carrion-row, is as rea- 
fonable as the poor can deiire only the circum- 
ftance of money to purchafe it, and of trade, or. 
labour, to purchafe that money, are indeed whol- 
ly wanting.. 

Now, Sir, to return more particularly to you, and 
your memorial. 

A hundred .thoufand barrels of wheat, you i<\v, 
fliould be imported hither : and ten thoufand pounds 
premium to the importers; Have you looked into 
the purie of the nation ; I am no commifrioner of 
the treafury ; but am well allured, that the whole 
running- caih would not with a fum to 
purchafe fo much corn, which only at twenty mil- 
lings a-barrel, will be a hundred thoufand pounds; 
and ten thoufand more for the premium But you 
will traffic for your corn with other goods : and 
where are thole goods ? If you had them, they are 
all engaged to pay the rents of abfcntees,- and other 
occaiions in London,, befides- a huge balance of 
trade this year againi.r oss "Will foreigners take 
our bankers paper? I fuppofe, they will value 
it a little more than fo. much a quire. * Where, are 

F 3 theic 


thele rich farmers and ingrciTers of" corn, in fo bad 
.a year, and fo little fowing ? 

You are in pjin for two millings premium, and 
forget the twenty (billings for the price ; find me 
nt the latter, and I will engage for the former. 

Your fcheme for a tax for railing fuch a fum is 
all vifionary, and owing to a great want of know- 
ledge in the mifcrable it ate of this nation. Tea, 
coffee, fugar, fpices, wine, and foreign cloaths, are 
the particulars you mention, upon which this tax 
fhould be railed. I will allow the two firft : be- 
becaufe they are unwholefome ; and the laft, be- 
caufe I fhould be glad if they were all burned ; but 
1 beg you will leave us our wine to make us a 
while forget our rnifery : or give your tenants 
leave to plough for barley. But I will tell you a 
iccret, which 1 learned many years ago from the 
commiflioners of the cuftoms in London : they 
iaid, when any commodity appeared to be taxed 
above a moderate rate, the confecmence was to lef- 
icn that branch of the revenue by one half; and 
one of tliofe gentlemen pleafantly told me, that the 
miftake of parliaments on fuch occailons was ow- 
ing to an error of computing two and two to make 
four; whereas in the bufiuefs of laying heavy im- 
portions two and two never made more than one ; 
which happens by leflening the import, and the 
ftrpng temptation of running fuch goods as paid 
"high duties, at leaft in this kingdom. Although 
the women are as vairt and extravagant as their 
lovers or their hufbands can delerve, and the 
men are fond enough of wine, yet the number 
of both who can afford fuch expenfes, is fo 
(mall, that the major part rnuft reftife gratifying 
themfelvcs, and the duties will rather be leffened 
than increafed. But allowing no force in this ar- 
gument ; yec fo preternatural a fum, as one hun- 
dred and ten thoufand pounds, raifed all on a Hid- 
den, (for there is no dallying with hunger, is jure 



in proportion with railing a million and a half in 
jEngland; which, as things now itand, would pro- 
bably bring that opulent kingdom under fome dif- 

You are concerned how ftrange and furprifmg it 
would be in foreign parts to hear, that the poor 
were ftarving in a rich country, <c. Are you in 
earneft ? is Ireland the rich country you mean ? 
or are you infuiting our poverty ? were you ever 
out of Ireland ? or were you ever in it till of late ? 
you may probably have a good employment, and 
are laving all you can to purchaie a good eftate in 
England. But by talking fo familiarly of one hun- 
dred and ten thoufand pounds by a tax upon a few 
commodities, it is plain, yen are either naturally or 
affectedly ignorant of our prefent condition ; or 
elfe you would know and allow, that fuch a fum is 
not to be raifed here, without a general excife ; 
fince, in proportion to our wealth, we pay already 
in taxes more than England ever did in the height 
of the war. And when you have brought over 
vour corn, who will be buyers ? Mcft certainly, not 
the poor, who will not be able to purchaie the 
twentieth part of it. 

Sir, upon the whole, your paper is a very crude 
piece, liable to more objections than there are lines ; 
but, I think, your meaning is good, and fo far you 
are pardonable. 

If you will propofe a general contribution for 
fupporting the poor in potatoes and buttermilk, till 
the new corn comes in, perhaps you may fucceed 
better ; becaufe the thing at leaft is poiiible : and I 
think if our brethren in England would contribute 
upon this emergency, out of the million they gain 
from us every year, they would do a piece of ju- 
ftice as well as charity. In the mean time go and 
preach to your own tenants to fall to the plough as 
faft as they can ; and prevail with your neighbour- 
ing '{quires to do the lame with theirs ; or elfe die 



with, the guilt of having, driven away half the inha"" 
bitants, and (Varying the reft. For, as to your 
lcheme of railing " one hundred and ten thou- 
" fand pounds," it is as vain as that of Rabelais,- 
which was to fqueeze out wind from the pofteriors 
of a dead afs. 

But why all this concern for the poor ? We want 
them not as the country is now managed; they may 
follow thou fan ds of their leaders, and feek their 
bread abroad. Where the plough has no work, 
one family can do the bufinefs of fifty, and you may- 
fend away the other forty-nine. An admirable 
piece of rrufbandry, never known or practifed by 
the wifeft nations, who erroneouily thought people, 
to be the riches of a country. 

If io wretched a ftate of things would allow it, 
methinks I could have a malicious pleafure, after all 
the warning I have given the public at my own pe- 
ril for feveral years pan:, to fee the coniequences. 
and events anfwering in every particular. I pre- 
tend to no fagacity : what I write was little more 
than what I had dijcourfed to feveral perfons, who 
were generally of my opininion : and it was obvi- 
ous to every common underftanding, that inch ef- 
fects muft needs follow from fuch caufes. A fair 
ilTue of things begun upon party-rage, while fome 
facrificed the public to fury, and others to am- 
bition : while a fpirit of faction and oppreflioii 
reigned in every part of the country, where gentle- 
men, inftead of confulting the eafe of their, tenants 
or cultivating their lands, were worrying one ano- 
ther upon points of Whig and Tory, of high church 
and low church ; which no more concerned them, 
than the long and famous controverfy of ftrops 
for razors * ; while agriculture was wholly dif- 

* A piece of leather palled on wood to be ufed with a ceitain pow- 
der, for the property and excelitnce of which feveral competitors ea- 
gerly contended. 

co ur aged, 





cnnraged, and con fequently half the farmers, and 
labourers, and poor tradesmen, forced to beggary 
or banilhment : " Wifdom crieth in the ftreets ; 
becanfe I have called on yon ; I have ftretched 
out my hand, and no man regarded. But ye have 
fet at nought all my counfels, and would none of 
my reproof. I alio will laugh at your calamity, 
and mock when your fear cometh." 
I have now done with your memorial, and freely 
excufe your miftakes, fince yen appear to write as a 
itranger, and as of a country which is left at liberty 
to enjoy the benefits of nature, and to make the 
heft of thofe advantages which God hath given it 
in foil,, climate, and iltuation. 

But having lately fent out a paper, intitled, A 
Jhort view of the J! ate of Ireland '; and hearing of an 
objection, that fome people think I have treated 
the memory of the late Lord Chief InfKce Whitfhed 
with an appearance of feveruy : fince I may not pro- 
bably have another opportunity of explaining my- 
felfin that particular,! chufe to clo it here : laying it 
therefore down for a p'jiu'afitm, which I fuppofe 
will be uciverfally granted, that no little creature 
of fo mean a birth and genius had ever the honour 
to be a greater enemy to his country, and to all 
kinds of virtue than LIE. I aniwer thus : Y/he- 
ther there be two different goddciies called Fame, 
as fome authors contend, c-r only one goddefs 
founding two different trumpets, it is certain, that 
people diitinguifhed for their villany have as good a 
title to a blaft from the proper trumpet, as thofe 
who are moh: renowned for their virtues have from 
the other ; and have equal reafon to complain if it 
be refufed them. And accordingly the names of 
the moft celebrated profligates have been faithfully 
tranfmittcd down to pofterity. And although the 
perfon here underftood acted his part in an ob- 
fcure corner of the world ; yet his talents might 



have {none with luflre enough in the nobieit 

As to my naming a perfon dead, the plain ho- 
neft reafon is the heft. He was armed with power, 
and will to do mifcief, even where he was- not pro- 
voked, as appeared by his profecuting two printers, 
one to death, and both to rain, who had neither 
offended God, nor the King, nor him, nor the 

What an encouragement to vice is this ? If an ill 
man be alive, and in power, we dare not attack 
him, and if he be weary of the world, or of his 
own villanies, he has nothing to do but die, and 
then his reputation is fife. For thefe excellent 
cafaiftsknow juft Latin enough to have heard a moil 
foolifh precept, that de mortuis nil nifi bonum ; fo 
that if Socrates, and Anytus his accufer *, had 
happened to die together, the charity of furvivors 
mi\t either have obliged them to hold their peace,. 
or to fix the fame character on both. The only 
crime of charging the dead is, when iheleaft doubt 
remains whether the accufation be true ; but when 
men are openly abandoned, and loft to all fhame,. 
they have no reafon to think it hard if then' me- 
mory be reproached. Whoever reports, or other- 
wife pubiifhed any thing, which it is poflible may 
be falfe, that man is a flanderer ; hie niger eft, hunc- 
tu, Rowane, caveio. Even the leaft mifreprefenta- 
tion, or aggravation of facls, deferves the fame 
cenfure in fome degree: but in this cafe I am quits 
deceived ; if my error hath not been on the ilde 
of extenuation. 

I have now prefent before me the idea of fome 
perfons (I know not in what part- of the world) 
who fpend every moment of their lives, and every 
turn of their thoughts while they are awake, (and 

* Anytus one of the wretches v-'hoaccufed Socrates of contemning 
the gods, and endeavouring to fubvert the religion of h's country. 



Probably of their dreams while they fleep), in the 
moft deteftable actions and defigns ; who delight in 
mifchief, fcandal, and obloquy, with the hatred 
and contempt of all mankind again ft them ; but 
chiefly of thofe among their own party, and their 
own family ; iucli, whole odious qualities rival 
each other for perfection ; avarice, brutality, fac- 
tion, pride, malice, treachery, noife, impudence, 
. clulneis, ignorance, vanity, and revenge, contend- 
ing every moment for luperiority in their breafts. 
Such creatures are not to be reformed ; neither is 
it prudent or fafe to attempt a reformation. Yet, 
although their memories will rot, there may be 
fome benefit for their furvivors, to fmell it while it 

as rotting. 

I am, SIR, 

your humble fervant, 
Dublin, March 2.5. 

1728. A. B. 

r 72 j 


A Vindication of his Excellency John 
Lord Carteret, from the charge of fa- 
vouring none but Tories, Highchurckmen y 
and Jacobites 


Written in the year 1730. 

TN order to treat this important fubject with the 
* greateft fairnefs and impartiality, perhaps it may 
be convenient to give fome account of his Excel- 
lency ; in whofe life and character there are cer- 
tain particulars, which might give a very juft fuf- 
picion of fome truth in the accufation he lies 

He is defcended from two noble, ancient, and 
moft loyal families, the Carterets, and the Gran- 
villes : too much diitinguifhed, I confefs, for what 
they acted, and what they fiuTered in defending the 
former conftitution in church and ftate under King 
Charles the Martyr ; I mean that very prince, on 
account of whofe martyrdom *' a form of prayer, 

* The view of this piece feems to be to recommend moderation, 
and laugh political bigotry out of countenance. 

In this piece the failings of the Noble Lord, arlfing from the pre- 
judices of great talents and a learned education, are finely displayed, 
with infinite wit and humour. However, indeed, there is couched 
here abundance of fatire. Pifioridei, that poor, angry, buttling mor- 
tal, he treats with all imaginable contempt: but in his fatire ag-iinft 
Traulus he fpares not to draw blood at every ftroke ; the former part of 
which is bitterly farcaftic, and the latter as bitterly ironical. His ac- 
count of Agefilaus being caught by the parjbn of the pa; ijb riding on a 
hobby-horfe with his children, and fome other touches of the like 
fort, are truly diverting* D. Swift, 

i( with 


cc with fatting, was injoined by act of parliament, 
" to be ufed on the 30th day of January every 
" year, to implore the mercies of God, that the 
" guilt of that facred and innocent blood might 
11 not be vifited on us or our pofterity :" as we 
may read at large in our Common Prayer Books ; 
which day hath been folemnly kept, even within 
the memory of many men now alive. 

His Excellency the prefent Lord was educated in 
the univerfity of Oxford ; from whence, with a 
Angularity fcarce to be juftified, he carried away 
more Greek, Latin, and philofophy, than proper- 
ly became a perfon of his rank ; indeed much more 
of each than moft of thofe who are forced to live 
by their learning will be at the unneceilary pains to 
load their heads with. 

This was the rock he fplit on upon his firft ap- 
pearance in the world, and having juft got clear of 
his guardians. For as foon as he came to town, 
fome biihops and clergymen, and other perfons 
moft eminent for learning and parts, got him a- 
mong them ; from whom although he were fortu- 
nately dragged by a lady and the court, yet he could 
never wipe off the ftain, nor warn off the tincture 
of his university acquirements and difpofitions. 

To this another misfortune was added, that it 
pleafed God to endow him with great natural ta- 
lents, memory, judgement, compreheniion, elo- 
quence, and wit ; and, to fmiih the work, all thefe 
were fortified even in his youth with the advantages 
received by fuch employments as are beft fitted 
both to exercife and polifh the gifts of nature and 
education, having been arohafiador in feveral courts, 
when his age would hardly allow him to take a de- 
gree ; and made principal fecretary of ftate at a pe- 
riod when, according to cuftom, he ought to have 
been buiied in loilng his money at a chocolate - 
houfe ; or in other amufements equally laudable 
and epidemic among perfons of honour. 

Vol IV. G I cam.^ 


I cannot omit another weak fide in his Excellen- 
cy. For it is known, and can be proved upon 
him, that Greek and Latin books might be fount: 
every day in life drefhng-room, if it were careful! 
fearched ; and there is reafon to ftifpeclt, that fori] 
Or the laid books have been privately conveyed to 
him by Tory hands. I am likewife aflured, thai 
he hath been taken in the very fact of reading the 
iaid books, even in the mid ft of a feffion, to th 
great neglect of public affairs. 

I own, there may be (bme grounds for this 
chirge ; became I have it from good hands, thai 
when his Excellency is at dinner with one or twe 
icholars at his elbows, he grows a moft infupport- 
able and-unintclligible companion to all the fine 
gentlemen round the table. 

I cannot deny, that his Excellency lies undei 

, > 

another verv great diiadvantap;e. For with all the 
accomplifhments above mentioned, adding that oi 
a moft comely and graceful perfon, and during th< 
prime of youth, fpirits, and vigour, he hath in i 
inoft unexemplary manner led a regular domefti< 
life ; difcovers a great eiteem, and friendship, anc 
love for his lady, as well as true affection for hi; 
children ; and when he is difpofed to admit an en- 
tertaining evening companion, he doth not always 
enough reflect, whether the perfon may polTibly in 
former days have lain under the imputation of a 
Tory-; nor at inch times do the natural or affected 
fears of Popery and the Pretender make any pan 
of the converfation : I prefume, becaufe neither) 
Komer, Plato, Ariitotle, or Cicero, have made 
any mention of them. 

Thefe I freely acknowledge to be his Excellen- 
cy's failings ; yet I think it is agreed by philoso- 
phers and divines, that ;ibme allowance ought to 
be given to human infirmity, and to the prejudices 
of a wrong education. 

I am well aware, how much my fentiments differ 



ifpom the orthodox opinions of one or two princi^ 
I ial patriots, at the head of whom I name with ho- 
liour Piftorides. For thefe have decided the matter 
| lirectly againit me by declaring, that no perfon, 
i vho was ever known to lie under the fufpiciori of 
lone iingle Tory principle, or who had been once 
|een at a great man's levee in the wcrjt of t lives s ' : , 
jhould be allowed to come within the verge of the 
:aftle ; much lefs to bow in the anticharnber, ap- 
pear at the afTemblies, or dance at a birth-night. 
However, I dare ailert, that this- maxim hath been 
)ften controlled ; and that, on the contrary, a 
:onfiderable number of early penitents have been 
eceived into grace, who are now an ornament, hap- 
3ineis, and fupport to die nation. 

Neither do I find any murmuring on fome other 
)oints of greater importance, where this favourite 
maxim is not fo ftrictly obferved. 

To inftarice only in one : I have not heard, that 
iny care hath hitherto been taken to difcover whs- 
:her Madam f Violan^e be a WBig or Torv in her 
principles ; or even that flie hath ever been " offer- 
" ed the oaths to the government :'" oji the contra- 
ry, I am told, that lhe openly profeiTeth herfclf to 
be a high-flier ; and it is not improbable by her 
Outiandiih name, ihe may alfo be a Papiit in her 
heart ; vet we iee this illuftrious and dangerous fc-- 
male openly careiTed by principal perlbns of both 
parties ;. who contribute to fupport her in a fplen- 
did manner, without the lealt apprehensions from- 
a grand jury, or even from 'Squire Hartley Hut- 
chefon himfelf, that \\ zealous profecntor of hawk- 
~\ ers and libels." And, as Hobbes wifely obferves, 
fo much money being equivalant to lb much power, 
it may deferve confidering, with what fafety fuch 

* The three laft years of Qnetfn Anne, when Lord Oxford was 
minifer, wen fo called by the Whigs. 
\ A fa'motis Italian race -dancer. 

G z an 


an inftrument of power ought to be trufted in the 
hands of an alien, who hath not given any legal 
fecurity for her good affection to the government. 

I confefs, there is one evil which I could wifh 
our friends would think proper to redrefs. There 
are many Whigs in this kingdom of the old fa- 
fhioned ftamp, of whom we might have made very 
good ufe they bear the fame loyalty with us to the 
Hanoverian family in the perfon of K. George II. 
the fame abhorrence of the Pretender, with the 
confequences of Popery and flavery, and the fame 
indulgence to tender confeiences : but having no- 
thing to alk for themfelves, and therefore the more 
leifure to think for the public, they are often apt 
to entertain fears and melancholy profpecls con- 
cerning the ftate of their country, the decay of 
trade, the want of money, the miferable condition 
of the people, with other topics of the like nature; 
all which do equally concern both Whig and Tory ; 
who, if they have any thing to lofe, mutt be equal- 
ly fufferers. Perhaps, one or two of thefe melan- 
choly gentlemen will fometimes venture to publifh 
their thoughts in print : now, I can by no means 
approve our ufual cuftom of curling and railing at 
this fpecies of thinkers, under the names of To- 1 
ries, Jacobites, Papifts, libellers, rebels, and the 

This was the utter ruin of that poor, angry, 
buttling, well-meaning mortal Piftorides ; who lies 
equally under the contempt of both parties ; with 
no other difference than a mixture of pity on one 
fide, and of averflon on the other. 

How hath he been pelted, peftered, and pound- 
ed by one flngle wag, who promifeth never to for- 
fake him, living or dead ? 

I was much pleafed with the humour of a fur- 
geon in this town j who having, in his own appre- 
henflon, received fome great injuftice from the Jb.arl 
of Galway, and despairing of revenge as well as 



Belief, declared to all his friends, that he had fet 
apart one hundred guineas to purchafe the Earl's 
carcafe from the fexton, whenever it fliould die, 

to make a ikeleton of the bones, ftuff the hide, 
,and ihew them for three pence : and thus get ven- 
Igeance for the injuries he had iuflered by its 

Of the like fpirk too often is that in 1 placable 
race of wits ; againft whom theare is no defence but 
innocence and philofoplvy : neither of which is 
likely to be at hand ; and therefore the wounded 
have no where to fiv for a cure but to downright 
ftupidity, a crazed head, or a profligate contempt 
of guilt and ihame. 

I am therefore forrv for that other miferable- 
creature Trauhis ; who, although of fomewhat a 
d:rlerent-fnecies. vet feeir.s very far to outdo even 
the genius of Piftorides in that miscarrying talent 
of railing without confiitency or cliicretion againit 
the mo ft innocent perlons according to the prefect 
iituation of his gall and fpleen. i do not blame 
an honcft gentleman for the bittereh invicMves a- 
gainlt one to whom he profeiTcth the greatcd iYiend- 
ihip ; provided he aces in the d u k, fo as not to be 
difcovered : but in the midft of careffes, vifits, and 
invitations, to run into the itreets, or to as public 
a place, and without the leaft pretended incitement 
fputter out the bafeft and fall t- ft accufations ; then 
to Avipe his mouth, come up fmiling to his friend, 
ihake him bv the hand, and tell him in a whifoer, 
it was all for his fervice : this proceeding, I am 
bold to think a great failure in prudence : and I 
am afraid left fuch a practitioner, with a body fo 
open, fo foul, and fo full of fores, may fail under 
the refentment of an incenfed political furgeon, 
who is not in much renown for his mercy upon 
great provocation : wIig, without waiting for his 
death, will flay and dilTect him alive ; and to the 
view of all mankind lay open all the disordered cells 

G 3 of 


of his brain, the venom of his tongue, the corrup- 
tion of his heart, and fpots and flatufes of his 
ipleen : and all this for three pence. 

In fuch a cafe, what a fcence would be laid open ! 
and, to drop my metaphor, what a character of 
our mistaking friend might an angry enemy draw 
and expofe ! particularizing that unnatural conjunc- 
tion of vices and follies fo inconfiftent with each 
other in the fame breaft : furious and fawning, 
fcurrilous and flattering, cowardly and provoking, 
infolent and abject; moft profligately falfe, with the 
ftrongeft profeflions of fmcerky ; pofltive and vari- 
able, tyrannical and flavifh. 

I apprehend, that if all this mould be fet out to 
the world by an angry Whig of the old ftamp, the 
unavoidable confequence muft be a confinement of 
our friend for fome months more to his garret ; 
and thereby depriving the public for fo long time, 
and in fo important a juncture, of his ufeful talents 
in their fervice, while he is fed like a wild beaft 
through a hole; but I hope, with a fpecial regard 
to the quantity and quality of his nourifhment. 

In vain would his excufers endeavour to palliate 
his enormities by imputing them to madnefs ; be- 
caufe it is well known, that madnefs only operates 
by enflaming and enlarging the good or evil difpofi- 
tions of the mind. For the curators of Bedlam 
allure us, that fome lunatics are perfons of honour* 
truth, benevolence, and many other virtues, which 
appear in their higheft ravings, although after a 
wild incoherent manner ; while others, on the con- 
trary, difcover in every word and action the utmoft 
bafenefs and depravity of human minds ; which in- 
fallibly they poflefled in the fame degree, although 
perhaps under a better regulation, before their en- 
trance into that academy. 

But it may be objected, that there is an argument 
of much force to excufe the overflowings of that 
zeal which our friend fhews or means for our caufe. 



And it muft be confefled, that " the eafy and 
" fmooth fluency of his elocution, beftowed on 
P him by nature, and cultivated by continual prac- 
" tice, added to the comelinefs of his perfon, the 
J harmony of his voice, the gracefulnefs of his 
" manner, and the decency of his drefs," are temp- 
tations too ftror.g for fuch a genius to refill upon 
any public occaiion of making them appear with 
universal applaufe. And if good men are fome- 
times accufed of loving their jeft better than their 
friend ; furely to gain the reputation of the firft 
orator in the kingdom, no man of fpirit would 
fcruple to lofe all the friends he had in the world. 

It is ufual for matters to make their boys de- 
claim on both fides of an argument ; and as fome 
kinds of aflemblies are called the fchools of politics, 
I confefs nothing can better improve political 
fchool-boys, than the art of making plauiible or 
implaulible harangues againft the very opinion for 
which they refolve to determine. 

So Cardinal Perron, after having fpoke for an 
hour to the admiration of all his hearers, to prove 
the exiftence of God, told fome of his intimates, 
that he could have fpoken another hour, and much 
better, to prove the contrary. 

I have placed this reafoning in the ftrongeft light 
that I think it will bear ; and have nothing to an- 
fwer, but that, allowing it as much weight as the 
reader fhall pleafe, it hath conftantly met with ill 
fuccefs in the mouth of our friend ; but whether 

5 for want of good luck, or good management, I 
fufpend my judgment. 

To return from this long digrefiion : If perfons 
in high ftations have been allowed to chufe wenches 
without regard even to difference in religion, yet 
never incurred the leaft reflection on their loyalty, 
or their Proteftantifm ; mall the chief governor of 
a great kingdom be cenfured for chufing a compa- 
nion, who may formerly have been fufpected for 



di tiering from the orthodox in Tome fpeculative o- 
pinions of peribns and things, which cannot affect 
the fundamental principles of a found Whig. 

But let me iuppofe a very poilible cafe. Here is 
a perfon lent to govern Ireland, whole unfortunate 
weak fide it happens to be, for feveral reafons a- 
bove mentioned, that he hath encouraged the at- 
tendance of one or two gentlemen diftinpuilhed for 
their tafte, their wit, and their learning ; who have 
taken the oaths to his Majefty, and pray heartily 
for him: yet becaufe they may perhaps be ftigmati- 
zed as quondam Tories by Piitorides and his gang r 
his Excellency niuft be forced to baniih them under 
the pain and peril, of difpleafmg the zealots of his 
own party ; and thereby be put into a worfe con- 
dition than every common good-fellow, who may 
be a hncere Proteftant and a loyal fubiect, and 
yet. rather chufc to drink fine ale at the Pope's 
head, than muddv at the Kind's. 

Let me then return to my iunpofitions. It is cer- 
tain, the high-flown loyaiiit, in the prcfent fenfe of 
the word, have their thoughts, and ftudies, and 
tongues, Jo entirely diverted by political fchemes, 
that tire zeal or their principles hath eaten up their 
underftandings : neither have they time, from their 
employments, their hopes, and their hourly la- 
bours, for acquiring new additions of merit to a- 
mufe themielvcs with philological converfe or fpe- 
culations, which are utterly ruinous to all fchemes 
of riling in the world. What then muft a great 
man do, whofe ill ftars have fatally perverted him 
to a love, and tafte, and poiTeihon of literature, 
politeneis, and good fenfe ? our thorough-fped re- 
public of Whigs, which contains the bulk of all 
hopers, pretenders, expcclors, and profeflbrs, are be- 
yond all doubt moft highly ufeful to princes, to go- 
vernors, to great minifters, and to their country ; 
but at the fame time, and by necerTary confequence, 
the molt difagreeahle companions to all, who have 



that unfortunate turn of mind peculiar to his Excel- 
: lency, and perhaps to five or fix more in a nation. 
I do not deny it pofiible, that an original or pro- 
felyte favourite of the times might have been born 
to thofe ufelefs talents, which in former ages qua- 
lified a man to be a poet or a philofopher. All I 
contend for, is, that where the true genius of par- 
ty once enters, it fweeps the houfe clean, and leaves 
room for many other fpirits to take joint pofleflion, 
until the laft ftate of that man is exceedingly better 
than the firft. 

I allow it a great error in his Excellency, that he 
adheres fo obftinately to his old unfashionable aca- 
demic education ; yet fo perverfe is human nature, 
that the ufual remedies for this evil in others have 

Froduced a contrary effect in him; to a degree that 
am credibly informed, he will, as I have already 
hinted, in the middle of a feftlon, quote paflages 
out of Plato and Pindar at his own table to fome 
book-learned companion without bluming, even 
when perfons of great Stations are by. 

I will venture one flep further ; which is, freely 
to confefs, that this mistaken method of educating 
youth in the knowledge of ancient learning and 
language is too apt to fpoil their politics and prin- 
ciples ; becaufe the doctrine and examples of the 
books they read, teach them leffons directly con- 
trary in every point to the prefent practice of the 
world: and accordingly Hobbesmoft judiciouflyob- 
ferves, that the writings of the Greeks and Romans 
made young men imbibe opinions againit abfolute 
power in a prince, or even in a firft minifter ; and 
to embrace notions of liberty and property. 

It hath been therefore a great felicity in thefe 
kingdoms, that the heirs to titles and large eftates 
have a weaknefs in their eyes, a tendernefs in their 
constitutions ; are not able to bear the pain and in- 
dignity of whipping -, and, as the mother rightly 
exprefies it, could never take to thei'r beaks, yet are 



well enough qualified to fign a receipt for half* a - 
year's rent, to put their names [rightly fpelt) to a 
warrant, and to read, pamphlets againfr. religion 
and high-flying ; whereby they hll their niches, and- 
carry themfelves through the world with that dig- 
nity which beft becomes a fenator and a 'fquire. 

I could heartily, wifh his Excellency would be 
more condescending to the genius of the kingdom 
he governs ; to the condition of the times, and to 
the nature of the ftation he fills. Yet if it be true, 
what I have read in old Enpjiih frorv-books, that, 
one Ageulaus (no -matter to the bulk- of my readers 
whether I fpell the name right or wrong) was caught 
by the par.fonof the parifh riding on a hobby-horfe 
with his children; that Socrates, a Heathen philo- 
foper, was found dancing by himfelf at fourfcore ; 
that a King called Crefar Augujlus (or fome fuch* 
n,ame) ufed to play with boys, whereof fome might 
porlibly be fons of Tories ; and that two great 
men called a//<?and La./ius, (I forget their Chri- 
ftian names and whether they w r ere poets or gene- 
rals), often played at duck and drake with fmooth 
ftones on a river. Now, I fay, if thefe facts be 
true, (and the book where I found them is in print),. 
I cannot imagine, w 7 hy our moft zealous patriots 
may not a little indulge his Excellency in an infir- 
mity which is not morally evil ; provided he gives 
no public fcandal ; which is by all means to be a- 
voided : I fay, why lie may not be indulged twice 
a-week to converfe with one or two particular per- 
ions ; and let him and them conn over their old ex? 
plodecl readings together, after, mornings fpent in 
hearing and prefcribing ways and means from and. 
to his moft obedient politicians for-, the welfare. of 
the kingdom ; although the laid particular perfon, 
or perfons, may not have made fo. public a declara- 
tion of their political faith in all its parts, as the bufi- 
nefs of the nation requires-: Rill fubmitting my o- 
pinion to that happy majority, which I am confi- 


dent Is always in the right; by whom the liberty of 
the fubjcct hath been io frequently, fo itrenuouily, 
and fo fuccefsfully averted ; who, by their wile 
councils, have made commerce to flourish, money 
to abound, inhabitants to increafe, the value of 
lands and rents to rife ; and the whole iiland put 
on a new face of plenty and prosperity. 

But, in order to clear his Excellency more fully 
-from this accufation of /hewing his favour to high- 
fliers, Tories, and Jacobites, it will be necefTary to 
oome to particulars. 

The firft perfon of a Tory denomination, to 
whom his Excellency gave any marks of his favour, 
was Dr. Thomas Sheridan. It is to be obferved, 
that this happened 10 early in his Excellency's go- 
vernment, as it may be juftly fuppofed he had not 
been informed of that gentleman's character noon 
fo dangerous an article. The Doctor being well 
known, and diftinguiihed for his lkill and fuccefs 
in the education of youth beyond mo ft of his pro- 
feffion for many years part,- was recommended to 
his Excellency on the fcore of his learning, and 
particularly for his knowledge in the Greek tongue; 
whereof, it feems, his Excellency is a great admi- 
rer, although for what reaibns I could never ima- 
gine. However, it is agreed on all hands, that his 
Lordlhip was too eafdy prevailed on by the Doctor's 
requclt, or indeed rather from the bias of his own 
nature, to hear a tragedy acted in that unkown 
language by the Doctor's lads, which was written 
by fome heathen author ; but whether it contained 
any Tory or high-church principles, muft be left to 
the consciences of the bovs, the Doctor, and his 
Excellency: the only witnefTes in this cafe, whole 
testimonies can be depended upon. 

It feems, his Excellency (a thing never to be fuf- 
ficiently wondered at) was fo pleafed with his en- 
tertainment, that fome time after he gave the Doc- 
tor a church-living to the vcAue of aim oft one hun- 



dred pounds a-year, and made him one of his 
chaplains ; from an antiquated notion, that good 
fchoolmafters ought to be encouraged in every na- 
tion profefiing civilitv and religion. Yet his Excel- 
lency did not venture to make this bold ftep with- 
out ftrong recommendations from perfons of un- 
doubted principles fitted to the times ; who thought 
themfelves bound in juftice, honour, and gratitude 
to do the Doctor a good office, in return for the 
care he had taken of their children, or thofe of 
their friends. Yet the cataftrophe was terrible ; 
for the Doctor, in the height of his felicity and 
gratitude, going down to take pofTeflion of his pa- 
rifh, and furnifhed with a few led fermons, where- 
of as it is to be fuppefed, the number was very 
fmall, having never ferved a cure in the church ; he 
ftopt at Cork to attend on his bifhop ; and going to 
church on the Sunday following, was, according 
to the ufual civility of country-clergymen, invited 
by the minifter of the parifh to fupply the pulpit. 
It happened to be the firft of Augult ; and the hrft 
of Auguft happened that year to light upon a Sun- 
day : and it happened that the Doctor's text was 
in thefe words : Sufficient unto the day is the evil 
thereof* : and laftly, it happened, that fome one 
perfon in the congregation, whofe loyalty made 
him watchful upon every appearance of danger to 
his Majefty's perfon and government, when fervice 
was over, gave the alarm. Notice was immediate- 
ly fent up to town ; and by the zeal of one man 
of r.o large dinicnfim of b&dy or mind, fuch a clamour 
was raifed, that we in Dublin could apprehend no 
lefs than an invafion by the pretender, who mull 
be landed on the fouth. The refult was, that the 
Doctor muft be be ftruck out of the chaplain's lift, 
and appear no more at the caflle ; yet whether he 

* The fiifi of Augut is the anrivcrfary of the Hanoverian family's 
accefilon to thecrovui of Great Br.tain, 



were then, or be at this day, a Yv'hig or a Tory, I 
think is a fecret ; only it is manifeft, thot he is a 
zealous Hanoverian, at leaft in poetry, and a great 
admirer of the prefent royal family through all its 
branches. His friends likewife afTtrt, that he had 
preached this fermon ofcen under the fame text ; 
that not havino obferved the words, till he was in the 
pulpit, and had opened his notes, as he is a perfon 
a little abftrael:ed, he wanted prefence of mind to 
change them : and that in the whole fermon there 
was not a fyllable relating to government or party, 
or to the iubject of the day. 

In this incident there feems to have been an u- 
nion of events, that will probably never happen a- 
gain to the end of the world ; or is, at leaft, like 
the grand conjunction in the heavens ; which, I 
think, they fay can arrive but once in twenty thou- 
fand years. 

The fecond gentleman (if I am right in my chro- 
nology) who under the fufpicion of a Tory receiv- 
ed fome favour from his Excellency, is Mr. James 
Stopford ; very ftrongly recommended by the moil: 
eminent Whig in England on the account of his 
learning, and virtue, and other accomplishments* 
He had pafTcd the greateft part of his youth in dole 
ftudy, or in travelling ; and was either not at 
home, or not at leiiure to trouble his thoughts a- 
bout party; which I allow to be a great omifficn, 
although I cannot honeftly place him in the lift of 
Tories ; and therefore think his Excellency may be 
fairly acquitted for making him vicar of Fingias, 
worth about one hundred pounds a-year. 

The third is Dr. Patrick Delany. This divine 
lies under fome difadvantage ; having in his youth 
received many civilities from a certain perfon *, then 
in a very high ftation here ; for which reafon, I 

* Sir Cnftanthie Phipjs, Lord Chancellor of Ireland, when Queen 
Anne died. 

Vol. IV. H davbi 


doubt the Doctor never drank his confufion fince, 
and what makes the matter defperate, it is now too 
late ; unlefs our inquihtors will be content with 
drinking confufion to his memory. The aforefaid 
eminent perfon, who was a judge of all merit, ex- 
cept that of party, diftinguilhed the Doctor among 
other juniors in our univerfity for his learning, vir- 
tue, difcretion, and good fenfe. But the Doctor 
was then in too good a fituation at his college to 
hope or endeavour at a better eitabliihment from 
one who had no power to give it him. 

Upon the prefent Lord Lieutenant's coming over, 
the Doctor was named to his Excellency by a 
friend * among other clergy of diiHnction, as per- 
sons whofc characters it was proper his Excellency 
ihould know ; and by the truth of which the giver 
would be content to ftand or fail in his Excellency's 
opinion ; fince not one of thofe perfons were in 
particular friendihip with the gentleman who gave in 
their names. By this and fome other incidents, 
particularly the recommendation of the late Arch- 
bilhop of Dublin, the Doctor became known to 
his Excellency, whole fatal turn of mind towards 
heathenifh and outlandilh books and languages, 
finding, as I conceive, a like difpontion in the Doc- 
tor, was the caufe of his becoming Co domeftic, as 
we are told he is, at the caftle of Dublin. 

Three or four years ago the Doctor, grown wea- 
ry of an academic life, for fome reafons beft known 
to the managers of the difcipline in that learned io- 
cieiv, (which it may not be for their honour to 
mention), refolved to leave it ; although, by the 
benefit of the pupils, and his fenior fdlowfhip, 
with all its perquiiites, he received every year be- 
tween nine hundred and a thoufand pounds. And 
a fmall northern living, in the univerfity's dona- 
tion, of lbmewhat better than one hundred pounds 

* The Author. 



a-year falling at the fame time with the chancellor- 
fhip of Chrift- church* to about equal the value, in 
the gift of his Excellency ; the Doctor ventured in- 
to the world in a very fcanty condition ; having 
fquandered away all his annual income in a manner, 
which, although perhaps proper enough for a cler- 
gyman without a family, will not be for the advan- 
tage of his character to difcover either on the ex- 
change, or at a banker's fhop. 

A bout two months ago, his Excellency gave the 
Doctor a Prebend in St. Patrick's cathedral ; which, 
being of near the fame value with either of the two 
former, will add a third part to his revenues, after 
he fhall have paid the great incumbrances upon it : 
fo that he may now be faid to pofFefs of church- 
preferments in fcattered tithes three hundred pounds 
a-year ; inftead of the like furn of infallible rents 
from a fenior fellowfhip, with the offices annexed ; 
befide the advantage of a free lodging a great num- 
ber of pupils, and fome other eafements. 

But fince the Doctor hath not in any of his writ- 
ings, his fermons, his actions his difcourfe, or his 
company, difcovered one fingle principle of either 
Whig or Tory ; and that the Lord Lieutenant ftill 
continues to admit him $ I fhall boldly pronounce 
him ONE OF US : but, like a new free-mafon, 
who hath not yet learned all the dialect of the myf- 
tery. Neither can he jultiy be accufed of any Tory 
doctrines ; except perhaps ibme among thofe few 
with which that wicked party was charged during 
the height of their power, but have been fince 
transferred for the molt folid reafons, to the whole 
body of our firmeft friends. 

I have now done with the clergy : and upon the 
ftricteft examination have not been able to find a- 
bove one of that order, againft whom any party- 
fufpicion can lie ; I mean the unfortunate gentle- 
man Doctor Sheridan, who bv mere chance-med- 
ley, fhot his own fortune dead with a fingle text. 

H 2 As 


! As to the laity, I can hear but one perfon of the 
Tory ftamp, who fince the beginning of his Excel- 
lency's government did ever receive any fo!id mark 
of his favour : I mean Sir Arthur Achefon, re- 
ported to be an acknowledged Tory and, what is 
almoft as bad, a fcholar into the bargain. It is 
\srhifpered about, as a certain truth, that this gen- 
tleman is to have a grant of a certain barrack * up- 
on his eftate within two miles of his own houfe ; 
for which the crown is to be his tenant, at the rent 
of fixty pounds per annum ; he being only at the ex- 
penfe of five hundred pounds to put the houfe in 
repair, build ftables, and other neceffaries. I will 
place this invidious mark of beneficence conferred 
on a Tory in a fair light, by computing the cofts 
and neceffary defalcations : after which it may be 
feen how much Sir Arthur will be annually a clear 
gainer by the public ; notwithftanding his unfortu- 
nate principles, and his knowledge in Greek and 

For repairs, <&c. 500 1. the intereft where- ? 

of, per annum, - - 3 

For all manner of poultry to furnifh the 

troopers, but which the faid troopers ? 

mnft be at the labour of catching, va- C 5 

lued per ann. - - ** 

For ftraggling fheep, 
For game deftroyed five miles round 






Kent paid to Sir Arthur, 

Piemains clear, - - 1 1 o o 

* See a poem upon this incident, intitled, Tleg'ar.dquejaon dtbat- 



Thus, if Sir Arthur Achefon fliall have the good 
fortune to obtain a grant of this barrack, he wil^. 
receive neat profit annually from the crown ELE- 
VEN pounds Sterling to help him in entertaining 
the officer and making provifions for his yonnger 

It is true, there is another advantage to be ex- 
pected, which may fully compenfate the lois of 
cattle and poultry ; by multiplying the breed ot 
mankind, and particularly that of good proteftants, 
in a part of the kingdom half depoprdated by the 
wild humour among the farmers there of leaving 
their country. But I am not fo ikiltul in arithme- 
tic as to compute the value. 

I have reckoned one per cent, below the legal in- 
tereft for the money that Sir Arthur mult expend ; 
and valued the damage in the other articles very 
moderately. However, I am confident he may 
with good management be a faver at leaft ; which 
is a prodigious initante of moderation in our friends 
towards a profefled Tory : whatever merit he may 
pretend by the unwillingnefs he hath fhewn to make 
his Excellency uneaiy in his adrniniftration. 

Thus I have, with the utmoft impartiality, col- 
lected every fingle favour (further than perlonal ci- 
vilities) conferred by his Excellency on Tories, and 
reputed Tories, iince his fir ft arrival hither to this 
30th day of April, in the year ,of our Lord 1 *]-'\o y 
giving all allowance poffible to the arguments on the 
other iide of the queftion : and the account will 
ftand thus. 

Difpofed of preferments and employments to 
Tories, or reputed Tories, by his Excellency John 
Lord Carteret, Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, in a- 
bout the fpace of fix years : 

H x To 


To Doctor Thomas Sheridan, in a rec-7 

tory near Kinfale, -per nnnum, } I0 

To Sir Arthur Achefbn, baronet, a? 

barrack, per ann. - 3 lx 

I 1 1 o 

Give me leave now to compute in grofs the va- 
lue of the favours done by his Excellency to the ! 
true friends of their king and country, and of the 
Proteftant religion. 

It is to be remembered, that although his Excel- 
lency cannot be properly faid to beftow bifhoprics, | 
commands in the army, the place of a judge, or 
commiffioner in the revenue, and fome others ; yet I 
they are for the moft part difpofed upon his recom- 
mendation, except where the perfons are immedi- . 
ately fent from England by their intereft at court ; 
for which I have allowed great defalcations in the 
following accounts. And it is remarkable, that 
the only confiderable {ration conferred on a Tory 
iince his prefent Excellency's government was of this 
latter kind. 

And ndeed it is but too notorious, that in a 
neighbouring nation (where this dangerous deno- 
mination of men is incomparably more numerous* 
mere powerful, and of confequence more formi- 
dable) real Tories can often with much lefs difficul- 
ty obtain very high favours from the government, 
than their reoutedbredirencan arrive to the loweft 
in ours. I obferve this, with all poilible fubmiffion 
to the wifdom of their policy ; which, however, 
will not, I believe, difpute the praife of vigilance 

with ours. 



W H I G account. 
To perfons promoted to bishopries, or 

removed to more beneiicial ones, 

computed per ann. 
To civil employments 
To military commands 

To Tories, 

TORY account. 


10,050 o o 

9030 o o 
8436 o o 

27,516 o o 

1 1 r o o 

27.405 o o 

I mall conclude with this obf rvation, that as I 
think, the Tories have Sufficient reafon to be Fully 
iatisried wich the fhare of tiuft, power, and em- 
ployments, which they pollers under the lenity of 
the prefent government ; fo I do not find how his 
Excellency can be juftly cenfured for favouring 
none but high-church, high-fliers, termagants, 
Laudifts, Sacheyerellians, tip top-gallon-men, Ja- 
cobites, tantivies Anti-hanoverians, friends to Po- 
pery and the Pretender and to abitrary power, difo- 
bligers of England, breakers of DEPENDENCY, 
inflamers of quarrels between the two nations, pu- 
blic incendiaries, enemies to the king and kingdoms, 
haters of TRUE Poteffants, laurel-men, Armifts, 
conlplainer's of the nation's poverty, Ormondians, 
iconociafts, anti-glorious-memorifts, anti-revolu- 
tioners, white-rcialifts, tenth-a-junians, and the 
like, when, by a fair ftate of the account, the ba- 
lance, I conceive, feems to lie on the other lide. 


L 92 3 

Considerations upon two BILLS fent 
down from the Right Honourable the houfe 
ot Lords to the Honourable the houfe of 
Commons in Ireland, relating to the 



Written in the year 173 1. 


Have often for above a month pail deiired fome 
few clergymen., who are pleafed to viiit me, that 
they would procure an extract of two bills brought 
into the council by fome of thebimops, and both of 
them fince parTed in the houfe of Lords : but I 
could never obtain what I deiired, whether by the 
forgetfulnefs or negligence of thofe whom I em- 
ployed, or the difficulty of the thing itfelf. There- 
fore, if I mall happen to miftake in any fact of con- 
fequence, I defire my remarks upon it may pafs for 
nothing; for my information is no better, than 
what I received in words from feveral divines, who 
feemed to agree with each other. I have not the 
honour to be acquainted with any one flngle pre- 
late of the kingdom : and am a ftr answer to their 

* In the year 173 t, a bill was brought into the houfe of Lords, by 
a great majority of he Right Reverend the bifhops, for enabling them 
to divide the livings of the inferior clergy ; which bill was approved 
of in the privy council Ireland, and paffeu by the Lords in parlia- 
ment. It was afterwards fent 10 :.he houfe of Commons for their ap- 
probation; but was rejected by them with a great majority. The au- 
thor of he following c rfi ierations, who hath always been the belt 
friend to the inferior clergy of the church of England, as may be fetn 
by many parts of his writings, oppofed this pernicious project with 
great fuccefs; which, if it had palled into a law, would have been of 
the worit confequencs to this nation. Dub. edit, 1738. 



characters, further than as common fame reports 
them, which is not to be depended on : therefore 
' I cannot be fuppcfed to a<t upon a principle of re- 
fentment. I eiteem their function (if I may be al- 
lowed to fay fo without offence) as truly apofloiical, 
and abfolutely necefiary to the perfection of a Chris- 
tian church. 

There are no qualities more incident to the frailty 
and corruptions of humankind, than an indifference 
or infeniibility for other mens fufferings, and a Hid- 
den forgetfulnefs of their own former humble ftate, 
when they rife in the world. Thefe two difpofl- 
tions have not, I think, any where fo ftrongly ex- 
erted themfelves, as in the order of biihops with 
regard to the inferior clergy ; for which I can find 
no reafonss, but fuch as naturally ihould feem to 
Operate a quite contrary way. The maintenance of 
the clergy throughout the kingdom is precarious 
and uncertain, collected from a moft miferable race 
of beggarly farmers; at whofe mercy every mini- 
fter lies to be defrauded. His office, as rector or 
vicar, if it be duly executed, is very laborious. As 
foon as he is promoted to a bifhopric, the fcene is 
entirely and happily changed ; his revenues are 
large, and as furely paid as thofe of the King; his 
whole bufinefs is once a-year to receive the attend- 
dance, the fubmiffion, and the proxy-money of all 
his clergy, in whatever part of the diocefe he fhall 
pleafe to think moft convenient for himfelf. Neither 
is his perfonal prefence neceffary, for the bufinefs 
may be done by a vicar-general. The fatigue of or- 
dination is juft what the bifhcps pleafe to make it ; 
and as matters have been for fome time, and pro- 
bablv remain, the fewer odinations the better. The 
reft of their vifible office confilrs in the honour of 
attending parliaments and councils, and beftowing 
preferments in their own gift ; in which lair, em- 
ployment, and in their fpiritual and temporal 
courts, the labour falls to their vicars-general, fecre- 



taries, proctors, apparitors, fenefchals, and the like] 
Now, I fay, in fo quick a change, whereby theii | 
brethren in a few days are become their fubjects, i I 
would be reafonable at leaft to hope that the labour 
confinement, and fubjection, from which they have I 
fo lately efcaped, like a* bird out of the fnare o: 
the fowler, might a little incline them to the con j 
dition of thofe who were but laft week their equals I 
probably their companions or their friends, and pof 
fibly as reafonable expectants. There is a knowr 
ftory of Colonel Tidcomb, who, while he conti 
nued a fubaltern officer, was every day complain- j 
ing againft the pride, oppreffion, and hard treat- 
ment of colonels towards their officers ; yet in 3J 
very few minutes after he had received his commif- 
fion for a regiment, walking with a friend on the 
Mall, he confeffed that the fpirit of colonelfhip was 
coming fait upon him, which fpirit is faid to have 
daily increafed to the hour of his death. 

It is true, the clergy of this kingdom, who are 
promoted to bifhoprics, have always fome great ad- 
vantages ; either that of rich deaneries, opulent 
and multiplied rectories and dignities, ftrong alli- 
ances by birth or marriage, fortified by a fuperla- 
tive degree of zeal and loyalty : but however, they 
were all at firft no more than young beginners ; and 
before their great promotion were known by their 
plain Chriftian names among their old companions, 
the middling rate of clergymen ; nor could there^ 
fore be ftrangers to their condition, or with any 
good grace forget it fo foon, as it hath too often 

I confefs, I do not remember to have obferved 
any body of men acting with fo little concert, as our 
clergy have done in a point where their opinions 
appeared to be unanimous : a point wherein their 
whole temporal fupport was concerned, as well as 
their power of ferving God and his church in their 
fpiritual functions. This hath been imputed to 



heir fear of difobliging, or hopes of further fa- 
i ours upon compliance ; becaufe it was obferved, 
hat fome who appeared at firft with the greateft 
Leal, thought fit fuddenly to abfent themfelves from 
[ he ufual meetings ; yet we know, what expert fo- 
(licitors the Quakers, the DilTenters, and even the 
i ?apifts have fometimes found to drive a point of 
idvantage, or prevent an impending eyiL 

I have not ieen any extract from the two bills in- 
troduced by the bifhops into the privy council ; 
Ivhere the clergy, upon fome failure in favour, or 
' hrough the timoroufnefs of many among their 
brethren, were refufed to be heard by the council. 
Ht feems, theie bills were both returned, agreed to 
by the King and council in England, and the houfe 
Ibf Lords hath, with great expedition, pafTed them 
[both ; and it is faid, they are immediately to be 
fent down to the Commons for their confent. 

The particulars, as they have been imperfectly 
i reported to me, are as follows. 

By one of the bills, the bifhops have power to 
oblige the country clergy to build a manfion-houle 
upon whatever part of their glebes their Lordfhips 
ihall command; and if the living be above 50 A a- 
year, the minifler is bound to build after three years 
a houfe that ihall coft one year and a half's rent cf 
his income. For inftance, if a clergyman with a 
'wife andfeven children gets a living of 5^/. per an- 
wmtm, he mult after three years build a houfe that 
ihall coft 77 /. ic s. and muft iupport his family* 
.during the time the bifhop fhall appoint for the 
: building of it, with the remainder. But, if the 
living be under 50 /. a year, die minifter ihall be al- 
lowed io /. out of the firft fruits. 

But there is faid to be one circumflancealittle ex- 
traordinary ; that if there be a iingle fpot in the glebe 
more barren, more marihy, more expoied to the 
Winds, more diftant from the church or ikeletonot 
a church, or from any conveniency of building; the 



rector, or vicar may be obliged by the caprice or 
pique of the bifhop, to build, under pain of fequef- 
tration, (an office which ever falls into the moil 
knaviih hands), upon whatever point his Lordihip 
fhall command ; although the farmers have not paid 
one quarter of his dues. 

I believe, under the prefent diftrefTes of the king- 
dom, {which inevitably without a miracle mnft in- 
creafe for ever) , there are not ten country-clergymen 
in Ireland, reputed to pollers a pariih of ioo /. per 
annum, who for fome years paft have actually receiv- 
ed 60 /. and that with theutmoft difficulty and vexa- 
tion. I am therefore at a lofs, what kind of valua- 
tors the bilhops will make ufe of; and whether -the 
ftarving vicar {Kali be forced to build his houfe with 
the money he never received. 

The other bill, which paiTed in two days after the 
former, is laid to concern the divifion of parifhes 
into as many parcels as the biihops mall think fit, 
only leaving 300 /. a-year to the mother church ; I 
which 300 /. by another act paffied fome years ago, 
they can divide likewise, and crumble as low as their 
#ill md pleasure will difpofethem, So that inftead I 
of iix hundred clergymen, which, I think, is the 
ufual computation, we may have in afmallcompafs 
of years almoft as many thoufands to live with de-> 
cency and comfort, provide for their children, be 
Charitable to the poor, and maintain hofpitaiity. 

But it is very reafonable to hope, and heartily to 
be wifhed by all thofe who have the leaft regard to 
our holy religion as hitherto eftabliihed, or to a 
learned, pious, diligent, converfible clergyman, or 
even to common humanity, that the Honourable 
Houfe of Commons will, in their great wifdom, 
juftice, and tendernefs to innocent men, confider 
thefe bills in another light. , It is faid, they well 
know this kingdom not to be fo overstocked with 
neighbouring gentry, but a difcreet learned clergy- 
man, with a competency fit for one of his educa- 


i tion, may be an entertaining, a ufeful, and fome- 
itimes a neceflary companion : That, although fuch 
Ik clergyman may not' be able conftantly to iind beef 
land wine for his own family, yet he may be allow- 
t ed fometimes to afford both to a neighbour without 
Idifti effing himfelf ; and the rather, becaufe he may 
lexpect at lean: as good a return. It will probably 
be confidered, that in many defolate parts there 
may not be always a fufficient number of perfons 
Iconfiderable enough to be truftqd with commiffions 
of the peace, which feveral of the clergy now iup- 
Iply much better, than a little, hedge, contemptible, 
illiterate vicar from twenty to fifty pounds a-year, 
Ithe fon of a weaver, pedlar, tailor, or miller, can 
be prefumed to do. 

The landlords and farmers by this fcheme can 

find no proiit, but will certainly be lofers. For in- 

Iftance, if the large northern livings be fplit into a 

dozen parifhes or more, it will be very neceflary 

llfor the little threadbare gownman, with his wife, 

mis proctor, and every child who can crawl, to 

Kvatch the fields at harvert-time for fear of loflng 

jja fingle fheaf, which he could not afford under pe 

Iril of a day's ltarving : for, according to the Scotch 

fcrovcrb, " A hungry loufe bites fore." This would 

fcf neceflity breed an infinite number of wrangles 

land litigious fuits in the fpiritual courts ; and put 

he wretched paftor at perpetual variance with his 

Uhole pariih. But, as they have hitherto ftood, a 

Irlergyman eftablimed in a competent living is not 

ander the neceflity of being fo lharp, vigilant, and 

sxacling. On the contrary, it is well known and 

illowed, that the clergy round the kingdom think 

:hemlcives well treated, if they lofe only one iimde 

hird of their legal demands. 

The Honourable houfe may perhaps be inclined 
o conceive, that my Lords the Eifhops enjoy as 
impie a power, both fpiritual and temporal, as will 
:uliv fuffice to anfwer every branch of their office ; 
Vol. IV. I that 


that thev want no laws to regulate the conduct of i 

.thofe clergymen over whom they prelide ; that, it 

nomreiiftance be a grievance, it is the patron's 

fault, who makes not a better choice, or caufed the 

plurality. That, if the general impartial character 

of performs chofen into the church had been more 

regarded, and the motive of party, alliance, kin- I 

dred, flatterers, ill judgment, or perfonal favour 

regarded lefs, there would be fewer complaints of 

non-refidence, want of care, blameable behaviour, 

or any other part of mii'conduct ; not to mention 

ignorance and ftupidity. 

I could name certain gentlemen of the gown, 

whofe aukward, fpruce, prim, fneering, and fmirk- j 

ing countenances, the very tone of their voices, 

and an unaraialy ftrut in their walk, without one 


fingle talent for any one office, have contrived to 

get good preferment by the mere force of flattery 
and cringing: for which two virtues (the only two 
virtues they pretend to) they were, however, utter- 
ly unqualified : and whom, if I were in power, al- 
though they were my nephews, or had married 
my nieces, I could never in point of good con- 
fcience or honour have recommended to a curacy 
in Connaught. 

The Honourable Houfe of Commons may like- 
wife perhaps conikler, that the gentry of this king- 
dom differ from all others upon earth, being lefs ca- 
pable of employments in their own country, than 
any others who come from abroad ; and that mo ft 
of them have little expectation of providing for 
their younger children otherwife than by the church, 
in which there might be fome hopes of getting a 
tolerable-maintenance. For after the patrons mould 
" have fettled their fons, their nephews, their nieces, 
their dependents, and their followers invited over 
from the other fide, there would ftill remain an 
overplus of fmaller church-preferments to be given 
to fuch clergy of the nation, who fhall have their 



quantum of whatever merit may be then in fafhion, 
But by thefe bills they will be all as absolutely ex- 
cluded, as if they had palTed under the denomina- 
tion of Tories ; unlefs they can be contented at the 
utmoft with 50 /. a-year; which by the difficulty of 
collecting tithes in Ireland, and the daily increasing 
miferies of the people, will hardly rife to half that 

It is obferved, that the divines fent over hither 
to govern this church have not feemed to confider 
the difference between both kingdoms with 1 efpect 
to the inferior clergy. As to themfelves indeed, 
they find a large revenue in lands let at one quarter 
value, which confequently muft be paid while there 
is a penny left among us ; and the public diftrefs fo 
little affects their- intercfes, that their fines are now 
higher than ever : they content themfelves to fup- 
pofe, that whatever a parifh is- faid to be worth, 
comes all into the parfons's pocket. 

The poverty of great numbers among the clergy 
of England hath been the continual complaint of 
all men, who wifh well to the church, and many 
fchemes have been thought on to redrefs it; vet an 

D ' J - 

Englifh vicar of 40 /. a-year, lives much more com- 
fortably than one of double the value in Ireland.' 
His farmers generally fpeaking, are able and willing; 
to pay him his full dues ; he hath a decent church 
of ancient {landing, filled every Lord's day with a 
large congregation of plain people, well clad, and 
behaving themfelves as if they beljeved in God and 
Christ. He hath a houfe and barn in repair, a 
field or two to graze his cows, with a garden and 
orchard. No gueft expects more from him than a. 
pot of ale : he lives like an honefi: plain farmer, 
as his wife is drefild but little better than goody. 
He is fometimes gracioufly invited by the 'fquire, 
where he fits at an humble diftance : if he gets the 
love of his people, they often make him little ufe- 
ful prefents : lie is happy by being born to no- 

1 2 h ioher 


higher expectation ; for he is ufually the Ton of 
iome ordinary tradefman, or middling farmer. 
His learning is much of a iize with his birth and 
education ; no more of either, than what a poor 
hungry fervitor can be expected to bring with him 
from his college. It would be tedious to fhew the 
reverfe of all this in our diftant poorer parimes 
through moft parts of Ireland, wherein every read- 
er may make the comj!arifon. 

Laftly, the Honourable Houfe of Commons may 
coniider, whether the fcheme of multiplying beg- 
garly clergymen through the whole kingdom, who 
mult all have votes for chilling parliament-men, 
(provided they can prove their freeholds to be worth 
40 s. per annum, ultra reprifas), may not, by their 
numbers, have great influence upon elections; be- 
ing entirely under the dependence of their bifhops. 
For by a moderate computation, after all the divi- 
iions and fubdivifions of parimes, that my Lords 
the Bifhops have power to make by their nevr lav/2, 
there will, as foon as the prefent fet of clergy goes 
ofF, be railed an army of eccleliaftical militants able 
enough for any kind of fervice, except that of the 

I am indeed in fome concern about a fund for 
building a thousand or two churches, wherein thefe 
probationers may read their wall-lectures ; and be- 
gin to doubt they muft be contented with barns ; 
which barns will be one great advancing ftep to- 
wards an accommodation with our true Proteftant 
brethren, the DifTentcrs. 

The fcheme of encouraging clergymen to build 
hordes by dividing a living of 5C0 /. a-year into ten 
parts is a contrivance, the meaning whereof hath 
got on the wrong lide of my comprehenfion ; un- 
lefs it may be argued ; that bifhops build no houfes, 
becaufe they are fo rich ; and therefore the inferior 
clergy will certainly build, if you reduce them to 
beggary. .But I knew a very rich man of quality 



in England, who could never be perfnaded to keep 
a fervant out of livery, becaufe Inch fervants would 
be expensive, and apt in time to look like gentle- 
men ; whereas the others were ready to iubmit to 
the bafeft offices, and at a cheaper pennyworth 
might increafe his retinue. 

I hear, it is the opinion of many wife men, that 
before thefe bills pais both houfes, they fhould be 
fent back to England with the following clauils 
infer ted. 

Firft, that whereas there may be about a dozen: 

: double bifhoprics in Ireland, thofe bishopries fliould 
be fplit and given to different perfons ; and thofe 
of a iin^le denomination be alio divided into two, 
three, or four parts^ as oceaiion fhall require ; o- 

' therwife there may be a queftion ftarted, Whether 
twenty-two prelates can effectually extend their pa- 
ternal care and unlimited power, for the protection 
and correction of fo great a number of fpiritual 
fubjects. But this propofal will meet with iuch'fu- 

1 rious objections, that I fliall not iniift upon it: for 
I well remember to have read, what a terrible fright 
the frogs were in, upon a report, that the fun was - 

i going to marry. 

Another ciaufe fliould be, that none of thefe 
twenty, thirty, forty, or fifty pounders may be fuf- 
fered to marry under the penalty of immediate de- 

i privation; their marriages declared null, and their 

i children baftards : for fome defponding people take 
the kingdom to be in no condition of encouraging 

, fo numerous a breed of beggars. 

A third ciaufe will be neceilray, that thefe hum- 

ble gentry fhould be abfolutely difqualirled from, 
giving votes in elections for parliament-men 

Others add a fourth ; which is a ciaufe of indul- 
gence, that thefe reduced divines may be permitted 
to follow any lawful ways of living, which will not 
Call them too often or too far from their fpiritual 
offices : (for, unkis I mifapprehend, they are fup- 

I 3 pofed 


pofed to have epifcopal ordination). For example, 
they may be lappers of linen, bailiffs of the manor; 
they may let blood, or apply plaifters for three 
miles round : they may get a difpenfation to hold 
the clerkfhip and fextonlhip of their own parifh in 
commendam. Their wives and daughters may make 
fhirts for the neighbourhood ; or, if a barrack be 
near, for the foldiers : in linen countries they may 
card and fpin, and keep a few looms in the houfe: 
they may let lodgings, and fell a pot of ale with- 
out doors, but none at home, unlefs to fober com- 
pany, and at regular hours. It is by fome thought 
a little hard, that in an affair of the lait confe- 
quence to the very being of the clergy in the points 
of liberty and property, as well as in their abilities 
to perform their duty, this whole reverend body, 
who are the efhvblimed inftructors of the nation in 
Chriftianity and moral virtues, and are the only 
perfons concerned, fhould be the fole perfons not 
confulted. Let any fcholar fhew the like precedent 
in Chriftendom for twelve hundred years pair. An 
act of parliament for fettling or felling an eftate in 
a private family is never paffed, until all parties give 
confent. But in the preient cafe, the whole body 
of the clergy is, as themfelves apprehend, deter- 
mined to utter ruin without once expecting or aik-' 
ing their opinion ; and this by a fcheme contrived 
only by one part of the convocation, while the o- 
ther part which hath been chofen in the ufual 
forms, wants only the regal permiffion to affemble, 
and confult about die affairs of the church, as their 
predecefibrs have always done in former ages ; 
where it is prefumed, the lower houfe hath a power 
of propoiing canons and a negative voice, as well 
as the upper. And God forbid (fay thefe objectors) 
that there mould be a real feparate intereft between 
the biihops and clergy, any more than there is be- 
tween a man and his wife, a king and his people, 
or Christ and his church. 



It feems there is a provifion in the bill, that no 
parifh ihall be cut into fcraps without the confent 
of feveral perfons, who can be no fufferers in the 
matter ; but I cannot find that the clergy lay much 
weight on this caution ; becaufe they argue, that 
the very perfons from whom thefe bills took 
their rife, will have the greatelt fhare in the de- 

I do not by any means conceive the crying fin of 
the clergy in this kingdom to be that of non-refi- 
dence. I am lure, it is many degrees lefs fo here 
than in England ; unlefs the polTeflion of plurali- 
ties may pafs under that name ; and if this be a 
fault, it is well known to Whom it mult be imput- 
ed : I believe upon a fair inquiry (and I hear an 
inquiry is to be made) they will appear to be moft 
pardonably few ; efpecially, confidering how many 
parifhes have not an inch of glebe, and how diffi- 
cult it is upon any reafonabie terms to find a place 
of habitation. And therefore, God knows, whe- 
ther my Lords the Bifhops will be foon able to con- 
vince the clergy, or thofe who have any regard for 
that venerable bodv, that the chief motive in their 
Lordihips minds by procuring thefe bills was to 
prevent the fin of non-reiidence ; while the uni- 
verfal opinion of almoft every clergyman in the 
kingdom, without diftincYion of party taking in 
even thofe who are not likely to be fufterers, ftands 
directly againft them. 

If fome livings in the north may be juftly thought 
too large a compafs of land, which makes it incon- 
venient for the remoter! inhabitants to attend the 
fervice of the church, which in fome inftances 
may be true, no reafonabie clergyman would op- 
pofe a proper remedy by particular acts of par- 

Thus, for inftance, the deanery of Down, a 
country deanery, I think, without a cathedral, de- 


pending wholly upon an union of pariflies joined 
together in a time when the land lay wafte and 
thinlv inhabited ; fince thofe circumftances are fo 
prodigioufly changed for the better, may properly 
be lefTencd, leaving a decent competency to the 
Dean, and placing rectories in the remaining 
churches, which are now ferved only by ftipendi- 
ary curates. 

The cafe may be probably the fame in other 
parts ; and fuch a proceeding difcreetly managed 
would be truly for the good of the church. 

For it is to be obferved, that the dean and chap- 
ter lands, which, in England, were all feized under 
the fanatic ufurpation, are things unknown in Ire- 
land, having been long ravifhed from the church 
by a fucceffion of confuiions, and tithes applied in 
their ftead to fupport that ecclefiaftical dignity. 

The late * Archbilhop of Dublin had a very dif- 
ferent" way of encouraging the clergy of his diocefe 
to refidence: when a leale hadrun out feven years 
or more, he ftipulated with the tenant to refign up 
twenty or thirty acres to the minifter of the pariili 
where it lay convenient, without leflening his for- 
mer rent ; and with no great abatement of the fine ; 
and th ; s he did in the parts near Dublin, where land 
is at the higheft rates, leaving a fmall chiefry for 
the minifter to pay, hardly a fixth part of the va- 
lue. I doubt not, that almoft every bifhop in the 
kingdom may do the fame generous act with lefs 
damage to their fees, than his late Grace of Dub- 
lin ; much of whofe lands were out in fee-farms, 
or leafes for lives ; and I am forry that the good 
example of fuch a prelate hath not been follow- 

But a great majority of the clergy's friends can- 
not hitherto reconcile themfelves to this project ; 

* The Right Feversnd Dr William King. 



.which they call a levelling principle, that muft in- 
evitably root out the feeds of ali honeft emulation, 
the legal parent of the greateft virtue and moft ge- 
inerous actions among men ; but which, in the ge- 
neral opinion, (for I do not pretend to offer my 
own), will never more have room to exert itfelf in 
the breaft of any clergyman whom this kingdom 
fhall produce. 

But whether the confequences of thefe bills may, 
by the virtues and frailties of future bifhops fent 
over hither to rule the church, terminate in good 
or evil, I mall not prefume to determine, iince 
God can work the former out of the latter. How- 
ever, one thing I can venture to afiert ; that from 
the earlieft ages of Chriitianity to the minute I am 
now writing, there never was a precedent of fuch 
a proceeding, much leis was ; t to be feared, hoped, 
or apprehended from fuch hands in any Chriltian 
country ; and fo it may pals for more than a phe- 
nix ; becaufe it hath rifen without any affiftance 
from the afhes of its lire. 

The appearance of fo many DiiTenters at the 
hearing of this caufe is what, I am told, hath not 
been charged to the account of their prudence or 
moderation ; becaufe that action hath been cenfur- 
ed as a mark of triumph and infult before the vic- 
tory is complete : fince nither of thefe bills hath 
yet patTed the houfe of Commons, and fome are 
pleafed to think it not impoffible that they may be 
rejected *. Neither do I hear, that there is an en- 
acting claufe in either of the bills to apply any part 
of the divided or fubdivided tithes towards increas- 
ing the ftipends of the fectaries. So that thefe 
gentlemen feem to be gratified like him, who, after 
having been kicked down ilairs, took comfort when 
he faw his friend kicked down after him. 

* They were rejt&ed in the houfe of Commons by a great majo- 

I have 


I have heard many more objections againft fevf- 
ral particulars of both thefe bills ; bin \hey are of 
fo high a nature, and carry fuch dreadful innuendos, 
that I dare not mention them, refolving to give no 
offence, becaufe I well know how obnoxious I have 
long been (although I conceive without any fault of 
my own) to the zeal and principles of thofe who 
place all difference in opinion concerning public 
matters to the fcore of di (affection ; whereof I am 
at leaft as innocent as the loudeft of my detractors. 

-Dublin, Feb. 24. 


I C 107 ] 

A PROPOSAL for an Ad of Parliament, to 
pay off the Debt of the Nation, without 
taxing the fubject , by which the number 
of landed Gentry will be confiderably in- 
creafed, and no Per ion will be the poor- 
er, or contribute one Farthing to the 
Charge *. 

Written in the Year 1732, 

THE debts contracted fome years pad for the 
fervice and iafety of the nation are grown fo 
great, that under our prefent diftreiTed condition 
oy the want of trade, the great remittances to pay 
abfentees, regiments ferving abroad, and many o- 
ther drains of money well enough known and felt, 
the kingdoms feems altogether unable to difcharge 
them by the common methods of payment : and 
.either a poll or land tax would be too odious to 
think of, efpecially the latter ; becaufe the lands, 
which have been let for thefe ten or do^zen years 
pair, were raifed fo high, that the owner can at 
prefent hardly receive any rent at all. For it is the 
ufual practice of an IriOi tenant, rather than want 
land, to offer more for a farm than he knows he 
can be ever able to pay ; and in that cafe he grows 
defperate, and pays nothing at all. So that a land- 
tax upon a racked eltate would be a burthen wholly 

The queflion will then be, How thefe national 

* The reader will perceive the following treat; fe to be altogether 



debts can be paid ; and how I can make good the 
feveral particulars of my propofal ? which I (hall 
now lay open to the public ? 

The revenues of their Graces and Lordfhips the 
Archbifhops and Bifhops of this kingdom (exclud- 
ing the fines) do amount by a moderate computa- 
tion to 36,800 /. per annum, I mean the rents which 
the bifhops receive from their tenants. But the 
real value of thofe lands at a full rent, taking the 
feveral fees one with another, is reckoned to be at 
lean: three fourths more ; fo that, multiplying 
36,800 /. by 4, the full rent of all the bifhops 
lands will amount to 147,200/. per annum, from 
which fubtracting the prefent rent received by their 
Lordfhips, that is, 36,800 /. the profits of the 
lands received by the firft and fecond tenants (who 
both have great bargains) will rife to the fum of 
110,400/. per annum % which lands, if they were 
to be fold at twenty-two years purchafe, would raife 
a fum of 2,428,800 /. reserving to the bifhops their 
prefent rents, only excluding fines. 

Of this fum, I propofe, that out of the one half, 
which amounts to 1,214,400 /. fo much be applied, 
as will entirely difcharge the debts of the nation ; 
and the remainder be laid up in the treafury to fup- 
ply contingencies, as well as to difcharge fome of 
our heavy taxes, until the kingdom mail be in a 
better condition. 

But whereas the prefent fet of bifhops would be 
great lofers by this icheme for want of their fines ; 
which would be hard treatment to fuch religious, 
loyal, and deferving perfomges ; I have therefore 
fet apart the other half to fupply that defeat, which 
it will more than fufficiently do. 

A bifhop's leafe for the full term is reckoned to 
be worth eleven years purchafe ; but if we take the 
bifhops round, I ftippofe there may be four years 
of each leafe elapfed ; and many of the bifhops 
being well ftriken in years, I cannot think their 



lives round to be worth more than feven years pur- 
chafe ; fo that the purchafers may very well afford 
fifteen years purchafe for the reverfion, efpeciaily 
by one great additional advantage, which I mall 
foon mention. 

This fum of 2,428,800 /. rrvuft likewife be funk 
very considerably ; becaufe the lands are to be fold 
only at fifteen years purchafe, and this leifens the 
fum to about 1,656,000/.; of which I propofe 
twelve hundred thoufand pounds to be applied 
partly for the payment of the national debt, and 
partly as a fund for future exigencies ; and the re- 
maining 456,000 /. I propofe as a fund for paying 
the prefent fet of biihops their fines ; which. it will 
abundantly do, and a great part remain as an 
addition to the public ftock. 

Although the biihops round do not in reality 
receive three fines apiece, which take up 21 years, 
yet I allow it to be fo j but then I will fuppofe them 
to take but one year's rent in recompenfe of giving 
them fo large a term of life ; and thus multiplying 
36,800 by 3, the product will be only 1 10,400 /. fo 
that above three fourths will remain to be applied 
to public ufe. 

If I have made wrong computations, I hope to 
be excufed as a frranger to the kingdom ; which I 
never faw till I was called to an employment, and 
yet where I intend to pafs the reft of my days ; but 
I took care to get the be ft informations 1 could, and 
from the moft proper perfons ; however the rnif- 
takes I may have been guilty of will very little affect 
the main of my propofal ; although they mould 
caufe a difference of one hundred thoufand pounds 
imore or lefs. 

The fines are only to be paid to the biihop during 
his incumbency in the fame fee.: if he change it for 
a better, the purchafers of the vacant fee lands are 
to come immediately into poiTeihon of the fee he 
hath left ; and both the biihop who is removed, 

Vol. IV. K and 


and he who comes into his place, are to have no 
more fines ; for the removed biihop will find his 
account by a larger revenue ; and the other fee will 
iind candidates enough. For the law-maxim will 
here have place, Caveat emptor ; I mean, the per- 
sons who fucceed may chafe whether they will ac- 
cept or no. 

As to the purchafers, they will probably be te- 
nants to the fee, who are already in poiTciTion, and 
can afford to give more than any other bidder. 

I will further explain myfelf. If a perfon alrea- 
dy a bifhop be removed into a richer fee, he muff 
be content with the bare revenues without any fines; 
and fo muft he who conies into a bifhopric vacant 
by death : and this will bring the matter fooner to 
bear ; which if the crown iliall think fit to coun- 
tenance, will foon change the prefent fet of bifhops; 
and confequently encourage purchafers of their 
lands. For example: If a primate mould die, and 
the ^nidation be wifely made, almoft the whole fet 
of bifhops might be changed in a month, each to 
his great advantage, although no fines were to be 
got ; and thereby lave a great part of that fum which 
I have appropriated towards fupplying the deficien- 
cy of lines. 

I have valued the biihops lands two years pur- 
chafe above the uiual computed rate, becauie thofe 
lands will have a fanction from the King and coun- 
cil in England, and be confirmed by an ac~t of par- 
liament here : befides, it is well known, that high- 
er prices are given every day for worfe lands, at the 
remoter! difcances, and at rack-rents, which I take 
to be occaiioned by want of trade : when there are 
few borrowers, and the little money in private 
hands lyi^g dead, there is no other way to difpofe 
of it, but in buying of land ; which confequently 
makes the owners hold it fo high. 

Befides paying the nation's debts, the fale of thefe 
lands would have many other good eiiecls upon the 



lnation. If will conflderably incrcafe the numlv 
|of gentry, where the biihop's tenants are not able 
lor willing to purchafe ; for the lands will afford * 
[hundred gentlemen a good revenue to each : iove- 
|ral perfons from England will probably be glad to 
Icome over hither, and be the buyers, rather than 
Igive thirty years purchafe at home under the loads 
[of taxes for the public and the poor, as well as re* 
[pairs : by which means much money may be brought 
lamong us ; and probably fome of the purchalcr^ 
Ifhemielves may be content to live cheap in a worfs 
[country, rather than be at the charge of exchange 
[and agencies; and perhaps of non-iblvencics inab- 
jfence, if they let their lands too high. 

This propoiai will alio multiply farmers, when- 
I the purchafers wil have lands in their own pew- 
ler to pive long and eafv leafes to induftrious huf- 

I have allowed fome biilioprks, of equal income, 

I to be of more or tefe value to the purckafer, ac- 

I cording as they are circumftanccd. For inftance : 

J The lands of the primacy and fome other fees are 

llet-fo lew, that they hardly pay a finh penny of the 

[real value to the bifhop, and there the lines are tl 

greater. On the contrary, the fees of Heath and 

Cionfert confiding, as I am told,, much of tithes, 

thofe tithes are annually let to the tenants without 

[any fines. So the fee of Dublin is faid to have 

many free farms which pay no fines ; and fome 

! leafes for lives, which pay very little, and not to 

foon nor fo dulv. 

I cannot but be confident, that their Graces my 
!i Lords the Archbilhops,.and my Lords the Biihops; 
\ will heartily join in this propofal out of gratitude 
j to his late and prefent Majeity, the bell of kingSj 
I who have beftowed on them luch high and opulent 
I] ftations ; as well as in pity to this country, which* 
I is no?/ become their own ; whereby they will be in- 
I ftrumental towards paying the nation's debts, with* 

K Z. out 


out impoveri filing themfelves ; enrich an hundred 
gentlemen as well as free them from dependency ; [ 
and thus remove that envy, which is apt to fall . 
upon their Graces and Lordfhips from conhder- 
abie perfons, whofe birth and fortunes rather qua- 
lify them to be lords of manors, than fervile de- 
pendents upon churchmen, however dignified or 

If I do not flatter myfelf, there could not be airy- 
law more popular than this. For the immediate 
tenants to biihops, being fome of them perfons of 
quality and good eitates, and more of them grown 
up to be gentlemen by the profits of thefe very 
Leafes under a fuccefiion of biihcps, think it a dif- 
grace to be fubject both to rents and fines at the 
pleafure of their landlords. Then the bulk of the 
tenants, efpecially the DifTenters, who are our true 
loyal Proteifant brethren, look upon it both as an 
unnatural and iniquitous thing, that biihops mould 
be owners of land at all, (wherein I beg to differ 
from them), being a point fo contrary to the prac- 
tice of the apoftles, whofe fucceflbrs they are deem- 
ed to be ; and who, although they were contented 
that land mould be fold for the common ufe of 
the brethren, yet would not buy it themfelves; but 
had it laid at their feet to be diftributed to poor 

I will add one word more ; that by fuch a whole- 
fome law all the opprefHons felt by under-tenants 
of church-leafes, which are now laid on the bi- 
ihops, would entirely be prevented, by their Graces 
and Lordfhips conferring to have their lands fold 
for payment of the nation's debts ; referving only 
the prefent rent for their own plentiful and ho- 
nourable fupport. 

I beg leave to add one particular ; that when 
heads of a bills (as I find the ftyle runs in this king- 
dom) mail be brought in for forming this propo- 
fal into a law, I fhould humbly offer, that there 



|' might be a power given to every bifhop, exc :pt thofe 
who refide in Dublin, for applying one hundred acres 
: of profitable land, that lies neareit Iiis palace, as a 
demefne for the convenience of his family. 

I know verv well that this lcheme hath been much 
talked of for fome time palt, and is in the thoughts 
of many patriots; neither was it properly mine, al- 
though I fell readilv into it, when it was fir ft com- 
municated to me. 

Although I am almoft a perfect Granger in this 
kingdom ; yet fince I have accepted an employment 
here of fome confequence as well as profit, I can- 
not but think myfelf in duty bound to confult the 
intereft of people, among whom I have been fo well 
received. And if I can be any way inftrumental 
towards contributing to reduce this excellent pro- 
poial into a law, (which being nor in the lea it in- 
juiious to England will, I am confident, meet with 
no opporition from that fide), my fincere endea 
vours to fierve this church and kingdom wi.l be 
well rewarded.. 




K 3 

L* ^4 1 I 

An Examination of certain Abuses, Cor- 
ruptions, and Enormities, in the city 
of Dublin. 

Written in the year 1732. 

NOthing is held more commendable in all great 
cities, efpecially the metropolis of a king- 
dom, than what the French call the police: by 
which word is meant the government thereof, to 
prevent the many diforders occalioned by great num- 
bers of people and carriages, efpecially through 
narrow ftreets. In this government our famous 
city of Dublin is faid to be very defective, and u- 
niverfally complained of. Many wholfome laws 
have been enacted to correct thofe abufes, but are 
ill executed ; and many more are wanting ; which I 
hope the united wifdom of the nation (whereof fo 
many good effects have already appeared thisfeflion) 
will foon take into their profound contideration. 

As I have been always watchful over the good of 
mine own country, and particularly for that of our 
renowned city, where (abfit initidia) I had the ho- 
nour to 'draw my firft breath ; I cannot have a mi- 
nute's cafe or patience to forbear enumerating fome 
of the greater! enormities-, abufes, and corruptions,, 
fpread almoft through every part of Dublin ; and 
propofing Inch remedies, as I hope the legiflature 
will approve of. 

The narrow compafs to which I have confined 
myfelf in this paper, will allow me only to touch 
the moil important defects ; and fuch as I think 
jfeem to require the moffc fpeedy redrefs. 



And firft, perhaps there was never known a wi- 
fer inftitution, than that of allowing certain per- 
sons of both fexes in large and populous cities to 
cry through the Itreets many neceiTaries of life : 
it would be endlefs to recount the conveniences 
which our city enjoys by this nfeful invention ; , and 
particularly ftrangers forced hither by bufincfs, who 
reiide here but a fhort time ; for thefe, having ufu- 
ally but little money, and being wholly ignorant 
of the town, might at an eafy price purchafe a to- 
lerable dinner, if thefeveral criers would pronounce 
the names of the goods they have to fell in any to- 
lerable language. And therefore, until our law- 
makers fhall think it proper to i^terpofe fo far as to 
make thofe traders pronounce their words in fuch 
: terms, that a plain Chriftian hearer may compre- 
hend what is cried, I would advife all new comers 
to look out at their garret-windows, and there fee 
whether the thing that is cried be tripes ox flumme- 
ry, butter-milk oy cow-heels \ For$ as things are now- 
managed, how is it poffible for an honeft country* 
man juit arrived to find out what is meant ; for in- 
ftance, by the following words, with which his ears 
are conftantly fttinned twice a-day, mugs, jugs> and 
porringers, up in the garret ? and down in the cellar ; 
I fay, how is it poffible for any ftranger to under- 
hand, that this jargon is meant as an* invitation to 
buy a farthing's worth of milk for his breakfaft or 
fupper, unlefs his curiofity draws him to the win* 
dow, or until his landlady {hall inform him ? I 
produce this only as one inftance among a hundred 
much worfe, I mean, where the words make a found 
wholly inarticulate, which give-To much difturbance 
and fo little information. 

The affirmation folemnly made in the cry of her- 
rings is directly again ft all truth and probability; 
herrings alive, alive here : the very proverb will con- 
vince us of this ; for what is more frequent in or- 
dinary fpecch, than to fay of fome neighbour for 



whom the paffing bell rings, that he is dead as a hcr~ 
ring ? And pray how is it poffible, that a herring, 
which, as philosophers obferve, cannot live longer] 
than one minute three feconds and a half out of wa- 
ter, mould bear a voyage in open boats from Howth 
to Dublin, be tofTed into twenty hands, and pre- 
ferve its life in fieves for feveral hours ? nay, we 
have witnefles ready to produce, that many thou- 
sands of thefe herrings, fo impudently aiierted to 
be alive, have been a day and a night upon dry 
land. But this is not the worft. What can we 
think of thofe impious wretches, who dare in the 
face of the fun vouch the very fame affirmative of 
their falmory, and cry falmcn alive, alive ? whereas, 
if you call the woman who cries it, fhe is not a- 
lliamed to turn back her mantle, and lhew you this 
individual falmon cut into- a dozen pieces; I have 
given good advice to thefe infamous difgracers of 
their fex and callings without the leall appearance 
of remorfe, and fully againft the conviction of their 
Own confeiences : I have mentioned this grievance 
to feveral of our parifh minifters ; but all in vain ; 
fo that it muit continue,. until the government fhall 
think fit to interpofe.. 

There is another cry, which, from the ftricttft 
obfervation lean make, appears to be very modern, 
and it is that of fweethearts * ; and is plainly in- 
tended for a reflection upon the female fex ; as if 
there were at prefent fe great a dearth of lovers, 
that the women, inftead of receiving prefents from 
men, were now forced to offer money to purchafe 
fweet hearts. Neither am I lure, that this cry doth 
not glance at fome difaifec~tion againft the govern- 
ment ; inlinuatin^, that while fo many of our 
troops are engaged in foreign fervice, and fuch a 
great number of our gallant officers conftantly re- 
iide in England, the ladies are forced to take up with 

* A fort of fugar cakes In the fl.ape of hearts. 

parfons I 

IN DUBLIN. ir 7 

jnrfons and attorneys: but this is a moil unjuft re- 
feclion, as may foon be proved by any perfon who 
frequents the caftle, our public walks, our balls and 
iflemblies ; where the crouds of tu/pees * were 
never known to iwarm as they do at prefent. 

There is a cry peculiar to this city, whic^i I do 
lot remember to have been ufed in London ; or at 
:aft, not in the fame terms that it hatli been prac- 
tifed by both parties, during each of their power, 
)ut very unjuftly by the Tories. While thefe were 
it the helm, they grew daily more and more impa- 
tient to put all true Whigs and Hanoverians out of 
employments : to effect which, they hired certain 
>rdinary fellows with large baikets on their fhould- 
Jers to call aloud at every houfe, Dht to carry out; 
'giving that denomination to our whole party ; as if 
they would fignify, that the kingdom could never 
be cleanfed, until Ave were fwept from the earth like 
ijrubbifh. But fince that happy turn of times, when 
we were fo miraculoufly preferved by juft an inch 
from Popery, flavery, maffacre, and the pretender, 
I muft own it is prudence in us ftiil to go on with 
the fame cry; which hath ever fince been fo effec- 
tually obferved, that the true political dirt is whol- 
ly removed, and thrown on its proper dunghills, 
there to corrupt and be no more heard of. 

But to proceed to other enormities : Every per- 
fon who walks the ftreets, muft needs obferve an 
immenfe number of human excrements at the doors 
and fteps of wafte houfes, and at the fides of every 
dead wall ; for which the diiafiected party hath af- 
figned a very falfe and malicious caufe : they would 
have it, that thefe heaps were laid there privately 
by Britifh fundaments to make the world believe, 
that our Irifh vulgar do daily eat and drink ; and 

f A new name for a modern periwig with a long black tail, and 
for its owner $ new in fafhkn, Dec. i. 1733. 



confequently that the clamour of poverty among 
us mult be falfe, proceeding only from Jacobites 
and Papifts. They would confirm this by pretend- 
ing to obierve, that a Biitiili anus being more nar- 
rowly perforated than one of our own country, 
and many of thefe excrements, upon a rVic~l view, 
appearing couple-crowned with a point like a cone 
or pyramid, areeafily diftinguifhed from the Hiber- 
nian, which lie much flatter and with lefs continui- 
ty. I communicated this conjecture to an eminent 
phyiician, who is well verfed in fuch profound fpe- 
dilations; and at my requeff was pleafed to make 
trial with each of his fingers, by thrufting them in- ' 
to the a?ms of feveral peribns of both nations, and 
profefTed he could find no fuch difference between- 
them as thofe ill-difpofed people alledge. On the 
contrary, he aiTured me, that much the greater 
number of narrow cavities were of Hibernian ori- 
gin. This I only mention, to mew how ready the 
Jacobites are to lay hold of any handle to exprefs 
their malice againit the government. I had almoft 
forgot to add, that my friend the phyfkian could 
by fmelling each finger diftinguiih the Hibernian 
excrement from the Britiih, and was not above 
twice miftaken in an hundred experiments ; upon 
which he intends very foon to publifh a learned dif- 
fer tation. 

There is a diverfion in this city, which u malty 
begins amono- the butchers ; but is often continued 
by a fuccefrlon of other people through the ftreets ; 
it. is called the COSSING of a dog : and I may juft- 
ly number it among our corruptions. The cere- 
mony is thus : A'ftrange dog happens to pafs thro'' 
a fiefh-market ; whereupon an expert butcher im* 
mediately cries in a loud voice and the proper tone; 
Cifs, cofs, feveral times. The fame word is repeat- 
ed by the people. The dog, who perfectly under- 
stands the term of art, and confequently the dan- 
ger he is in, immmediately flies. The people, and 



even his own brother-animals, purfue : the purfuit 
pnd cry attend him perhaps half a mile ; he is well 
[Lorried in his flight ; and fome times hardly efcapes. 
Irhis our ill-wifhers of the Jacobite kind are plea- 
led to call a perfecution; and affirm, that it always 
Ifalls upon dogs of the Tory principle. But we can 
Ivvell defend ourfelves by juftly alledging, that, when 
hey were uppermoit, they treated our dogs full as 
inhumanely. As to my own part, who have in 
[former times often attended thefe proceflions, al- 
though I can very w r eli diftinguifh between a Whig 
and a Tory dog, yet I never carried my refentment 
Ivery far from a party-principle, except it were a- 
Igainft certain malicious dogs, who mod difcovered 
their enmity againft us, in theworfl times *. And 
1 rememember too well, that in the wicked miniftry 
of the Earl of Oxford a large maftiffof our par- 
ty, being unmercifully coifed, ran without thinking 
between my legs, as I was coming up Fifhamble- 
ilreet.; and as I am of low ftature with very ihort 
legs, bore me riding backwards down the hill for 
above two hundred yards : and although I made 
ufe of his tail for a bridle, holding it faft with 
both my hands, and clung my legs as clofe to 
his fides as I could ; yet we both came dowm toge- 
ther into the middle of the kennel; where, after 
roiling three or four times over each other, I got 
up with much ado amidft the fhouts and huzzas of 
a thoufand malicious Jacobites. I cannot indeed 
but gratefully acknowlege, that for this and many 
other fjrvices and iiifferings * I have been iince 
more than overpaid. 

This adventure may perhaps have put me ouof . 
love with the diverlion of colling, which I confefs 
imTelf an .enemy to, unlefs we could always be lure 

* A cant word ufed by the Whigs for the' four laft years of Queen 
Anne's re gri, during ihe Ear! of Oxter !'s miniftry. 
f Sj-. the apokfcy for the Tj!c of a Tub, \c.l. 1. 



-of diftinguifhing Tory dogs ; whereof great num- 
bers have fince been fo prudent, as entirely to 
change their principles, and are now juflly efteem- 
ed the heft worriers of their former friends. 

I am allured, and partly know, that all the 
chimney-fweepers boys, where members of parlia- 
ment chiefly lodge, are hired by our enemies to fculk 
in the tops of chimneys with their heads no higher 
than will juft permit them to look round ; and at 
the ufual hours, when members are going to the 
rioufe, if they fee a coach ftand near the lodging 
of any loyal member, they call, Coach, coach, as 
loud as they can bawl, juft at the inftant when the 
footman begins to give the fame call. And this 
h chiefly done on thofe days when any point of im- i 
portance is to be debated. This practice maybe of 
very dangerous confequence ; for thefe boys are all 
hired by enemies to the government ; and thus, by 
the abfence of a few members for a few minutes, a 
queftion may he carried againft the true intereft of 
the kingdom, and very probably not without an 
eye towards the pretender. 

I have not obferved the wit and fancy of this 
town fo much employed in any one article, as that 
of contriving variety of figns to hang over houfes, 
where punch is to be fold. The bowl is reprefent- 
ed full of punch, the laddie ftands erect in the 
middle, fupported fometimes by one and fometimes 
by two animals, whofe feet reft upon the edge of 
the bowl. Thefe animals are fometimes one black 
lion, and fometimes a couple ; fometimes a fingle 
eagle, and fometimes a fpread one; >and Ave often 
meet a crow, a fwan, a bear, or a cock, in the lame 

Now, I cannot find how any of thefe "animals ei- 
ther feparate or in conjunction are, properly fpeak- 
ing, fit emblems or embellifhments to advance the 
fale of punch. Beildes, it is agreed among natu- 
ralifts, that no brute can endure the taftc oi ftrong 



liquor, except where he hath been ufed to it from 
[ his infancy ; and confequently it is againft all the 
\ rules of hieroglyph to aflign thofe animals as pa- 
j ttrons or protestors of punch . For in that cafe we 
.ought to fuppofe, that the hoft keeps always ready 
the real bird or beaft, whereof the picture hangs o- 
iver his door, to entertain his guefts ; which, how- 
(ever, to my knowledge, is not true in fact; not one 
of thofe birds being a proper companion for aChrifti- 
I an, as to aiding and affifting in making the punch. 
For as they are drawn upon the fign, they are much 
| more likely to mute, or fhed their feathers into the 
/liquor. Then as to the bear, he is too terrible, 
thukward, and flovenly a companion to converfe 
Ijwith; neither are any of them handy enough to fill 
rliquor to the company; I do therefore vehemently 
fulpect a plot intended againft the government by 
I'thefe devices. For although the fpread eagle be 
the arms of Germany, upon which account it may 
jpoflibly be a lawful Proteftant fign, yet I who am 
|fvery fufpicious of fair outfides in a matter which f o 
linearly concerns our welfare, cannot but call to mind, 
that the pretender's wife is faid to be of German 
1 birth ; and that many Popifh princes in fo vaft an 
extent of land are reported to excel both at making 
and drinking punch : befides, it is plain, that the 
fpread eagle exhibits to us the perfect figure of a 
crofs ; which is a badge of Popery. Then as to 
the cock, he is well known to reprefent the French 
nation, our old and dangerous enemy. The fwan, 
who muft of neceffity cover the entire bowl with 
his wings, can be no other than the Spaniard, who 
endeavours to engrofs all the treafures of the Indies 
ito himfelf. The lion is indeed the common emblem 
of royal power, as well as the arms of England ; 
but to paint him black is perfect Jacobitifm, and a 
manifeft type of thofe who blacken the actions of 
the beft princes. It is not eafy to diftinguiih, whe- 
ther that other fowl painted over the punch-bowl 
Vol. IV. L be 


be a crow or a raven. It is true, they have both 
been ominous birds : but I rather take it to be the 
former ; becaufe it is the difpofition of a crow to 
pick out the eyes of other creatures ; and. often 
even of Cln iftiars, after they are dead ; and is 
therefore drawn here with a defign to put the Ja- 
cobites la mind of their old practice, firft to lull us 
afleep, (which is an emblem of death) and then to 
blind cur eyes, that we may not fee their dangerous 
pracV.ces againit the ft ate 

To foeak my private opinion: The leaft offenfive 
picture in the whole fet feems to be die bear; be- 
caufe he reprefents nrfa major', or the great bear, 
who prefides over the north, where the reformation 
.firft began; and which, next to Britain (including 
Scotland and the north of Ireland) is the great pro- 
testor of the true Proteftartt religion. But however 
in thofe figns, where I obferve the bear to be chained, 
I cannot help furmifing a Jacobite contrivance ; by 
which thef: traitors hint an earneit defire of ufing 
all true Whigs, as their predecefibrs did the primitive 
Christians: I mean, to represent us as bears, and 
then halloo their Tory-dogs to bait us to death. 

Thus I have given a fair account of what I diflike 
in all the figns fet over thofe houfes that invite us to 
punch. I own it was a matter that did not need ex- 
plaining, being fo very obvious to common under- 
standing ; yet I know not how it happens, but me- 
thinks there feems a fatal blindnefs to overfpreadour 
corporeal eyes, as well as our intellectual; and I 
heartily wilh, I may be found a falfe prophet. For 
thefe are not bare fufpicions, but manifest demon- 

Therefore, away with thefe popifh Jacobites, and 
idolatrous gewgaws. And I heartily wifli a law were 
enacted under fevere penalties againit drinking punch 
at all; for nothing is eafier, than to prove it adifaf- 
fected liquor ; the chief ingredients, which are bran- 
dy, oranges, and lemons, are all fent us from Po- 


IN" DUBLIN. 1 23 

pifli countries; and nothing remains of Protectant 
growth but fugar and water. For as to bifcuit, 
which formerly was held aneceffary ingredient, and 
is truly Britilh, we find it is entirely rejected. 

But I will put the truth of my aiTertion paft all 
doubt : I mean, that this liquor is by one important 
innovation grown of ill example, and dangerous 
confequence to the public. Itiswell known, that by : 
the true original inltitution of making punch left us 
by Captain RatelhY, the iharpnefs is only occalioned by 
the juice of lemons ; andfo continued until after the 
happy revolution. Oranges, alas! are a mere inno- 
vation, and in a manner but of yefterday. It was 
the politics of Jacobites to introduce them gradually; 
and to what intent ? the thing ipeaks itfelf. It was 
cunningly to fhew their virulence againit his Sacred 
Majefty -King William of ever glorious and immor- 
tal memory. But of late (to mew how fait difloy- 
alty increafeth) they came from one to two, and 
then to three oranges ; nay at prefent we often iind 
punch made all with oranges, and not one ungle 
lemon. For the Jacobites before the death of that 
immortal prince, had by a fuperftition formed a 
private prayer, that as they fqueezed the orange, fo 
might that Pro tefl ant- King be fqueezed to death ; 
according to the known fcrc^ry* dcicrlbed by Yir- 


Llmus ut lie durefcit, et bac ut ccra Uqucfdt, &c. 

Ana thus the Romans, when they facrificcd art 
ex, ufedthis kind of prayer: As I knockdown this 
ox, fo mayft thou, O Jupiter ! knock down our 
enemies. In like manner, after King William's 
death, whenever a Jacobite fqueezed an orange, he 
had a mental curfe upon the glorious memory, and 
a hearty wim for power to fqueeze all his Majefty's 
friends to death, as he fqueezed that orange, which 
bore one of his titles, as he was Prince of Orange. 

L 2 This 


This I do affirm for truth, many of that fac- 
tion having confeffed it to me under an oath of 
iecrecy, which, however, I thought it my duty not 
f6 keep, when I faw my dear country in danger. 
But what better can be expected from an impious 
i.t of men, who never fcruple to drink ccnfujwn to 
all true Pro'teftants under the name of Whip ? A 
raoft unchriflian and inhuman practice ; " which, 
" to our great honour and comfort, was richer 
charged upon us, even by our moil malicious 

4i detractors." 

The iign of two angels hovering in the air, and 
with their right hands fu.pporting a crown, is met! 
with in feveral parts of this city ; and hath often I 
given me great offence , for, whether by the un | 
tkiihilnefs or dangerous principles of the painters, 1 
(although I have good reafon to fufpect the latter), J 
thole angels are ufually drawn with fuch horrid, or I 
indeed rather diabolical countenances, that they ] 
give great offence to every loyal eye, and e- 
qual caufe of triumph to the Jacobites, being a 
molt infamous reflection upon our able and excel- I 
lent miniftry. 

I now return to that great enormity of city-cries, I 
mo ft of which we have borrowed from London. I 
ihall confider them only in a political view, as they 
nearly affect the peace and fafety of both king- 
doms ; and having been originally contrived by 
wicked Machiavels to bring in popery, flavery, and 
arbitrary power, by defeating the Proteftant fuc- 
ceilion, and introducing the pretender, ought in 
jvrfrice to be here laid open to the world. 

About two or three months after the happy re- 
volution, all peifons who poiTeiled any emploment 
or ofiice, in church or itate, were obligeel by an 
act of parliament to take the oaths to King Wil- 
liam and Queen Mary ; and a great number of 
difarTected pcrfons refilling to take the faid oaths 
from a pretended fcruple of confcicnce-, but really 



from a fpirit of Popery and rebellion, they con- 
trived a plot to make the fwearing to thole princes 
odious in the eyes of the people. To this end,, 
they hired certain women of ill fame, but loud 
ihrill voices, under pretence of felling fiili, to go 
thro' the ftreets with fieves on their heads, and cry, 
Buy my foul, buy my foul; plainly infmuating, that 
all thofe who fwore to King William, wercjufh 
ready to fell their fouls for an employment. This cry 
was revived at the death of Queen Anne, and, I 
hear, ftill continues in London with much offence 
to all true Proieftants ; but, to our great happinefs, 
feems to be almoft-dropt in Dublin. 

But, becaufe I altogether contemn the difpleafure 
and refentment of High-fliers, Tories, and Jaco- 
bites, whom I look upon to be worfe even than 
profeiled Papifts, I do here declare, that thole e- 
vils which I am going to mention were all brought 
in upon us in the worft of times under the late Earl 
of Oxford's adminiitration, during the four iaffc 
years of Queen Anne's reign. " That wicked mi- 
N nifter was univeriallv known to be aPapift in Ivs 
heart, - He was of a moil avaritious nature, 
and is faid to have died worth four million:! 
Sterling, befides his vaft experife in building, 
ftatues, plate, jewels, and other coftly rarities. He 
was of a mean bbfeure birth, from the very 
dregs of the people ; and fo illiterate, that he 
could hardly read a paper at the council-table. I 
' forbear to touch on h s open, profane, profligate 
\ life ; becauie I deiire not to rake into the aihes 
1 of the dead; and therefore, I i hall obferve this 
1 wife maxim, De mortuis mlmifi hnum" 

This flagitious man, in order to compafs his 
lack defigns, employed certain wicked inftruments 
which great ftatefmen are never without) to adapt 

* The author's ineanisg is ju^ contrary to the lite al fenfe in the 
Mtactcr of Lord Oxford. 

L 3 feveral 


feyieral London cries in fuch a manner as would belt 
anfwer his ends. And whereas it was upon good 
grounds grievoufly fufpected, that all places at court 
were fold to the higher! bidder ; certain women 
were employed by his emiffaries to carry hfh in bafj 
kets on tlieir heads, and bawl through the itreets, 
" Buy my frefli places." I muft indeed own, that 
other women ufed the fame cry, who were innocent 
of this wicked defign, and really fold fiih of that 
denomination to get an honeft livelihood ; but the 
reft, who were in the fecret, although they carried 
hfh in their fieves or baikets to five appearances, 
vet thev had likewife a certain lira, fomewhat re- 
iembling that of the Free Mafons, which the piu*| 
chafers of places knew well enough, and were di- 
rected by the women, whither they were to refort 
and make their purchafe. And I remember very 
well how oddly it looked, when we obferved many 
gentLmen finely drelTed about the court- end of the 
town, and as far as York-buildings, where the 
Lord Treafurer Oxford dwelt, calling the women 
who cried, il Buy my frefh places," and talking 
to them in the corner of a ftreet, until they under! 
itood each other's fign. But we never could ob* 
ferve, that any fhh was bought. 

Some years before the cries laft mentioned, the 
Duke of Savoy was reported to have made certain 
overtures to the court of England for admitting 
I j is eldeft fon by the Duchefs of Orleans's daugh- 
ter to iucceed to the crown, as next heir, upon the 
pretender's being rejected ; and that fon was im- 
mediately to turn Proteftant. It was confidently 
reported, that great numbers of people diforFec'ted 
to the then Illultrious, but now Royal Houfe of 
Hanover, were in thofe meafures. Whereupon 
another fet of women were hired by the Jacobite 
leaders to cry through the whole town, " Buy my 
u fieooys, dainty javoys, curious favoys?* But I 
cannot directly charge the late Earl of Oxford with 



this confpiracy, becaufe fief was not then chief mi- 
nilter. However, this wicked cry flill continues in 
London, and was brought over hither, where it re- 
mains to this day ; and is, in my humble opinion, 
a very offensive found to every true Proteftant, 
who is old enough to remember thofe dangerous 

During the miniftry of that corrupt and Jacobite 
Earl above mentioned, the fecret pernicious defign 
of thofe in power was to fell Flanders to France : 
the confequence of which muft have been the in- 
fallible ruin of the States-General, and would have 
opened the way for France to obtain that univerfal 
monarchy they have fo long aimed at ; to which 
the Britilh dominions muft next after Holland have 
been compelled to fubmit, whereby the Proteftant 
religion would be rooted out of the world. 

A defign of this vaft importance, after long con- 
fultation among die Jacobite grandees with the Earl 
of Oxford at their head, was at laft determined to 
be carried on bv the fame method with the former: 
it was therefore again put into practice ; but the 
conduct of it was chiefly left to chofen men, whofe 
voices were louder and ftronger than thofe of the 
other fex : and upon this occafion was fir ft mfti- 
tuted in London that famous cry of flounders. 
But the criers were particularly directed to pro- 
nounce the word /launders, and not founders. For 
the country which we now by corruption call Flan- 
ders, is in its true orthography fpelt F launder s\ as 
may be obvious to all who read old Englifh books. 
I fay, from hence begun that thundering cry, which 
hath ever fince ftunned the ears of all London, 
made fo many children fall into fits, and women 
mifcarry ; (l Come buy my frefh flaunders, curious 
" flaunders, charming flaunders, alive, alive, ho ;" 
which laft words can with no propriety of fpeech 
be applied to fifh manifeftly dead, (as I obferved 
before in herrings and falmon), but very juftly to 



ten provinces containing many millions of living.! 
Chriilians. But the application is flill clofer, when ] 
we coniider that all the people Avere to be taken like in a net ; and by aiTiltance of the Pope, who 
fets up to be the univerfal niher of men, the whole 
innocent nation was, according to our common ex- 
preffion, to be " laid as flat as a flounder." 

I remember myfelf a particular crier of flounders 
in London, who arrived at fo much fame for the 
loudnefs of his voice, as to have the honour of 
being mentioned upon that account in a comedy.. 
He hath difturbed me many a morning, before he 
came within fifty doors of my lodging : and al- 
though I were not in thoie days fo fully apprifed 
of the deflgns which our common enemy had then 
in agitation, yet, I know net how, by a fecret im- 
pulle, young as I was, I could not forbear con-, 
ceiving a ftrong diflike againft the fellow ; and of- 
ten faid to myfelf, " Tliis cry feems to be forged 
" in the Jefuits fchool : alas, poor England ! I am 
" grievoufly miftaken, if there be not fome Popiih 
" plot at the bottom." I communicated my 
thoughts to an intimate friend, who reproached me 
with being too viiionary in my {peculations : but it 
proved afterwards, that I conjectured right. And 
I have firice reflected, that if the wicked faction.- 
could have procured only a thoufand men of as 
flrono; luno;s as the fellow I mentioned, none can. 
tell how terrible the confequences might have been 
not only to thefe two kingdoms, but over all Eu- 
rope, by felling Flanders to France. And yet thefe 
cries continue unpunished both in London and. 
Dublin; although, I confefs, not with equal vehe- 
mency or loudnefs ; becaufe the reafon for contriv- 
ing this defperate plot is, to our great felicity, 
wholly cea fed. 

It is well known, that the majority of the Britifh 
houfe of Commons in the laic years of Queen Anne's 
rtign were in their hearts directly oppoiite to the 



K.trl of Oxford's pernicious meaflires ; which put 
him under the neceffity of bribing them with fala- 
ries. Whereupon he had again recourfe to his old 
politics. And accordingly his emiflaries were very 
bufy in employing certain artful women, of no good 
life and converfation, (as it was proved before 
Juitice * Peyton), to cry that vegetable commonly 
called fellery through the town. Thefe women dif- 
fer from the common criers of that herb by fomc 
private mark, which I could never learn ; but the 
matter was norious enough, and fufficiently talked 
of; and about the fame period was the cry of fellery 
brought over into this kingdom. But lince there 
is not at this prefent the leaft occafion to fufpect 
the loyalty of our criers upon that article, I am 
content that it may ftill be tolerated. 

I fliall mention but one cry more, which hath 
any reference to politics ; but is indeed of all others 
the moft infolent, as well as treafonable, under our 
prefent happy eftablifhment ; I mean that of turn- 
ups ; not of turnips, according to the belt ortho- 
graphy, but abfolutely turnups. Although the cry 
be of an older date than fome of the preceding e- 
normities, for it began foon after the revolution ; 
yet was it never known to arrive at fo great a 
height, as during the Earl of Oxford's power. 
Some people (whom I take to be private enemies) 
are indeed as ready as myfelf to proftfs their dif- 
approbation of this cry, on pretence that it began 
by the contrivance of certain old procureiics, who 
kept houfes of ill fame, where lewd women met to 
draw young men into vice. And this they pretend 
to prove by fome words in the cry ; became, after 
the crier had bawled out, " Turnups, ho, buy my 
" dainty turnups," he would fometimes add the 
two following verfes. 

* A famous Whig indies in thofe times. 



Turn up the miftrefs, and turn up the maid, 
And turn up the daughter, and be not afraid. 

Tills, fay fome political fopliids, plainly fhews, 
that there can be nothing farther meant in fo infa- 
mous a cry, than an invitation to lewdnefs ; which 
indeed ought to be feverely puniihed in all well-re- 
gulated governments ; yet cannot be fairly inter- 
preted as a crime of ftate. But I hope we are not 
fo weak and blind to be deluded at this time of day 
with fuch poor evalions. I could, if it were ora- 
per, demonlf rate the very time, when thefe two ver- 
fes were compofed, and name the author, who was 
no other than the famous Mr. Swan fo well known 
for his talent at quibbling, and was as virulent a. 
Jacobite as any in England Neither could he de- 
ny the fact, when he was taxed for it in my pre^ 
fence, by Sir Henry Duttcn-Colt, and Colonel 
Davenport, at the Smyrna coffeehoufe, on the ioth 
of June 1 70 1. Thus, it appears to a demonftra^ 
tion, that thofe verfes were only a blind to conceal 
the moft dangerous defigns of the. party ; who* 
from the flrfk years after the happy revolution, 
ufed a cant way of talking in their clubs, after this 
manner : " We hone to fee the cards muffled once 
" more, and another King turn up trumph :' > 
and, " When mall we meet over a dim. of turn* - 
" ups ?" The fame term of art was ufed in their 
plots againh: the government, and in their treason- 
able letters written in cyphers, and decyphered by. 
the famous Dr. Willes, as vou may read in the tri-. 
als of thofe times. This I thought fit to fet forth- 
at large, and in fo clear a light ; becaufe the Scotch 
and French authors have given a very different ac- 
count of the word turnup ; but whether out of 
ignorance or partiality, I mall not decree; becaufe, 
I am fure, the reader is convinced by my difcovery. 
It is to be obferved, that this cry was lung in a par- 


|icular manner by fellows in difguife to give notice, 
vhere thole traitors were to meet in order to con- 
[ert their villanous deligns. 

I have no more to add upon this article, than an 

rumble propofal, that thole who cry this root at 

krefent in our ftreets of Dublin may be compelled 

vy the juftices of the peace to pronounce turnip, 

nd not turnup ; for, 1 am afraid, we frill have too 

hany fhakes in our bofom, and it would be well if 

lieir cellars were fometimes fearched, when the 

wners leafl expect it ; for I am' not out of fear, 

pat latet artguis in herb a. 

Thus we are zealous in matters of fmall moment, 

hiie we neglect thofe of the higheft importance. 

have already made it manifeft, that all thefe cries 

'ere contrived in the worft of times, under the 

uniitry of that defperate iratefman Robert late 

arl of Oxford ; and for that very reafon ought 

be rejected with horror, as begun in the reign o 

acobites, and may well be numbered among the 

ags of Popery and treafon ; or if it be thought 

roper that thefe cries mufb continue, furely they 

ught to be only trufted in the hands of true Pro- 

ftants, who have given fecurity to the. govern- 



C 132 J 
$.$$$$ $ -$<$ &4>%><&&4- $-$ $$"*-$ 

A LETTER from a Member of the Houfe 
of Commons in Ireland, to a Member of 
the Houfe of Commons in England, con- 
cerning; the Sacramental Test. 

Written in the year 1 708 


T Received your letter, wherein you tell me of the 
* ftrange reprefentations made of us on your fide jl 
of the water. The inftance you are pleafed to | 
mention is that of the Prefbyterian miflionary, who, 


* In the 2d volume of Dr Swift's and Mr Pone's mifcellanies, I 
found the following treatife, which had been printed i.i London, with 
fome other of the Dean's works, many years before, but it firif came 
out by itfelf in the year 170?, as the date fnews : and it was at a juqfl 
cture, when the DiiTenters were endeavouring to repeal the facramen- 
tal teft, a?, by common fame, and A me pamphlets published to the 
fame purpofe, they feem to be now again attempting, with great hope 
of fuccefs. I have therefore taken the liberty to make an extract out 
of that difcourfe, omitting only fome paffages, which relate to certain 
perfons, and are of no confequence to the argument. But the au- 
thor's way ofreafoning feems at prefent to have move weight than it 

hadinthofe times when the difcou;fe firft appeared. The author, 

in this letter, perforates a member of parliament here, to a member 
of parliament in England. The fpeaker mentioned in this let- 
ter, was Allen Broderick, afterwaids Chancellor and Lord Middleton j 
and the Prelate was Dr Lindfay, afterwards Primate. Dub. edit. 

This trat was reprinted in Ireland in 1735, when the attempt to 
repeal the facramental teft was revived. There was an explanatory 
advertifement prefixed, which is faid by Lord Orrery to have been 
dictated, or ftrittly revifed, by rhe Dean himfelf : but there are inac- 
curacies in it, which may. v. ell be thought fuffic'enr to delfroy its au- 
thenticity : that which in the firft pa.agraph is called the foHouing 
treatife is afterwards laid to be an extratl of a difcourfe, and it is im- 
mediately add -d, that this extract is the whole, except fome paffages 
of no confequence : thefe are included within crotchets. 


A LETTER, 8cc. it, 

according to your phrafe, hath been lately perfe* 
cuted at Drogheda for his religion : but it is eafy 
to obferve, how mighty induitrious fome people 
have been for three or four years paft, to hand a- 
bout ftories of the hard (hips, the merits, the num- 
ber, and the power of the Prefbyterians in Ireland, 
to raife formidable ideas of the dangers of Popery 
there, and to tranfmit all for England, improved 
by great additions, and with fpecial care to have 
them inferted with comments in thofe infamous 
weekly papers that infeft your cofFeehoufes. So, 
when the claufe enacting a facramental teft was put 
in execution, it was given out in England, that half 
jthe juftices of peace through this kingdom had laid 
I down their commiffions : whereas, upon examina- 
tion, the whole number was found to amount only 
I to a dozen or thirteen, and thofe generally of the 
Woweft rate in fortune and underftanding, and fome 
m them fuperannuated. So, when the Earl of 
Pembroke was in Ireland, and the parliament fit- 
ting, a formal ftory was very gravely carried to his 
{Excellency by fome zealous members, of a prieft 
jnewly arrived from abroad to the north-weft parts 
jbf Ireland, who had publicly preached to his peo- 
ple to fall a murthering the Proteftants ; which, 
[though invented to ferve an end they were then 
iipon, and are frill driving at, was presently hand- 
Ed over, and printed with fhrewd remarks by vour 
i;.vorthy fcriblers. In like manner the account of 
|hat perfon who was lately expelled our univerfity 

Swift held ihe DifTenters in the utmofr degree of ridicule and de- 
legation. He had an epennefs in his difp, fiaoo, and a franknefi in 

bis conduit, that bore an abhorren e to all kind of refervc, To 

i uch a difpofiiion it is impcffible that the gravity of Nonconforrnifts 
I ;ould be 3g:eea'rle. The diflikewas mutual on both fides. Dr Swift 
ated all fanatics: t\\ fanatics ha ei Dr. Sw.ft. This piece is par- 
Ku.arly wrrten againft rtpealing ike ted-afi : and whoever co.:fiders 
imfelf related to the kingaom of Ireland, will find in it fome irgu- 
hsmsot weight and consideration, in caie aj fuch repeal ihould e- 
I pr be attempted there, rcry. 

Vol. IV. M f or 


for reflecting on the memory of King William ; 
what a duff it raifed, and how foully it was related, 
is frefh enough in memory* Neither would people 
be convinced till the univerflty was at the pains of 
publifhing a Latin paper to juitify themfelves. And, 
to mention no more, this ifory of the perfecution 
at Drogheda, how it hath been fpread and aggra- 
vated, what coniequences have been drawn from 
it, and what reproaches iixed on thofe who have 
leaft deierved them, we are already informed. 
Now, if the end o all this proceeding were a fecret 
and mylfery, i fhonld not pretend to give it an in- 
terpretation ; but fufficient care hath been taken to 
.explain it, firfti by addreiTes artificially (if not ille- 
gally) procured, to fhew the miferable ftate of the 
-Diilenters in Ireland by reafbn of the facramentai 
fe/i, and to deirre the Queen's interceffion that it 
might be repealed. Then, it is manifeft that our 
Speaker *, when he was Lift year in England, loli- 
cited in perfon feveral members of both houfes, t9 
have it repealed by an act there ; though it be a 
matter purely national, that cannot poffibly inter- 
fere with the trade and interelt of England ; and 
though 'he liimfelf appeared formerly the molt 
zealous of all men againrt the injuftice of binding 
a nation by laws to which they do not confent. 
And, laflly, thofe weelily libellers, whenever they | 
cet a tale by the end relating to Ireland, without 
once troubling their thoughts about the truth, al- 
ways end it with an application againft the Jacra- 
mental teft, and an abfoiute neceiTity there is of re- 
pealing it in both kingdoms. I know it may be 
reckoned a weajenefs to fay any thing of fuch trifles j 
as are below a ferious man's notice; much lels 
would I difparage the undcrftanding of any party, 
to think they would chufe the vileft and moft igno- 


* Mr Allen BrodcriJc, afterwards Ch.:n:cllorof IrJand, anJXorJ 

** cant 


rant among mankind, ro employ them for the al- 
ienors of a caulc. I fhall only fay, that the fcan- 
dalous liberty thofe wretches take, would hardly 
be allowed, if it were not mingled with opinions 
that fome men would be clad to advance. Befkles, 
how infipid ibever thofe papers are, they fcem to 
be levelled to the underftandings of a great num- 
ber ; they are grown a neceiTary part in cofFeehoufe 
furniture, and fome time or other may happen to 
be read by cuftomers of all ranks for curiolity and 
lamufement, becaufe they lie always in the way. One 
iof thefe authors (the fellow that was pilloried, I have 
forgot his name *) is indeed {o grave, fentencious, 
dogmatical a rogue, that there is no enduring him ;. 
the Obfervator f is much the briiker of the two, 
and I think farther gone of late in lies and impu- 
dence than his Prefbyterian brother. [The reafon^ 
kvhv I mention him is to have an occafion of letting 
you know, that you have not dealt fo gallantly with 
us, as we did with you in a parallel cafe: Lift year 
a Daper was brought here from England, called- 
" A dia T ogne between the-Archbifhop ot Canter- 
" bury and Mr. Higgins," which we ordered to be 
xirnt by the common hangman, as it well deferv- 
ed, though we have no more to do wiih his Grace 
of Canterbury %, than you have with the Arch- 
^illiop of Dublin ; nor can you love and reverence 
pour prelate more than we do ours, whom you 
tamely fufter to be abufed openly, and by name, by: 

* The ftllow thit was p : I1ori"d was Daniel Drfoe, whofe narna 
5. v\ i ft well knew and retnemb-'^ j but 'be circumftjnee of the pi i - 
|rv was to be introduced ; and the. manner of introducing it, frews 
;rear art in th: niceft touches of faiiie. and cr.nits all the marks of 
idicule, ind'gna'icn, and contempt. The feoffs and farcafms of' 
Jvsift, like the bi.e of the rattle- f.iake, ci inguhh themfelves mors 
enomoufly dangerous, than the wounds of a common fscpent*-. 

He was pillcried for a traft called, " The ihcrteft way \\Mi the- 
< DiiTeiiters. 1 ' 

f Mr. John Tuchin. % Dr. Thomas Tenifon. 

M 2 that 


that paltry rafcal of an Obfervator ; and lately up- 
on an affair wherein he had no concern ; I mean 
ihe bufinefs of the miilionary of Drogheda, where- 
in our excellent primate was engaged, and did no- 
thing but according to law and difcretion. But be- 
cauie the Lord Archbifhop of Dublin || hath been 
upon feveral occafions, of late years, mifreprefent- 
ed in England, I would willingly fet you right in 
his character. For his great fufferings and eminent 
fervices he was, by the Lite King, promoted to the 
fee of Deny. About the fame time he wrote a 
book to juftify the revolution, wherein was an ac- 
count of King James's proceedings in Ireland; and 
the late Archbiihop Tillotfon recommended it to 
the King as the moft ferviceable treatife that could 
have been publiflied at fuch a juncture. And 
as his Grace fet out upon thofe principles, he has 
proceeded fo ever fince, as a loyal fubject to the 
Queen,, entirely for the fucceiiion in the Frotriranf 
line, and. for ever excluding the pretender ; and 
though a firm friend to the church, yet with indul- 
gence towards DiiFenters, as appears from his con- 
duct at Derry, where he was fettled for many years 
among the moft virulent of the feet, yet upon his 
removal to Dublin they parted from him with tears 
in their eyes, and universal acknowledgments of 
his wifdom and goodnefs. For the reft, it muft be 
owned, he does not bufy himfelf by entering deep 
into any party, but rather fpends his time in acts of 
hofpitality and charity, in building of churches, 
repairing his palace, in introducing and preferring 
the worthicft perfons he can find, without other re- 
gards ; in fhort, in the practice of all virtues that 
can become a public or private life. This and more, 
if poflible, is due to fo excellent a perfon, who may 
be juftly reckoned among the greateft and moft 
learned prelates of this age, however his character 

i) Dr. William Kir.g. 



m::y be defiled by fuch menu and dirty hands as 
thole of the Obfervator, or fuch as employ him J 

I now come to anfiver the other part of your let- 
ter, and fhal! give you my opinion freely about re- 
pealing the facramental telt ; only whereas you de- 
lire my thoughts as a friend, and not as I am a 
member of parliament, I muir. aiTiire you they are 
exactly the lame in both capacities. 

I mu ft begin by telling you, we are generally fur* 
prifed at your wonderful kindnefs to us on This cc- 
E ifion, in being fo very induftrious to teach us to 
fee our interefb in a point where we are fo unable " 
to ice it enriches. This hath e'iven us ibmeiuipi- 
ion ; and though, in my own particular, I am 
hugely bent to believe, that whenever you concern 
youri elves- in our affairs, it is certainly for our 
good, yet I have the misfortune to be fomething 
lingular in this belief, and therefore I never attempt 
ojuftify it, 'but content myjfelf to poflefs my own 
)pinion in private, for fear of encountering men of 
adore wit or words than I have to fpare. 

\\ e at this-dhfance. who fee nothing of the fpriflfl 
)t actions, are forced by mere conjecture to r.ili&u" 
wo realbns for vour deiirinq us to reneal the facra- 
nental teft ; one Is ^ became you are faid to inl- 
ine it will be a ftep towards the like good work in 
-ngland. The other more immediate, that it will 
pen a way for rewarding feveral perfons, who have 
-ell deferved upon a great occafion, but who are 
ow unqualified through that impediment. 

I do not frequently quote poeis, especially Eng- 
fh : but I remember there is in lome of Mr. Cowley's 
>ve-verfes a ftrain, 1 hat I theme ht extraordinary' at 
fteen, and have often fliice imagined it to be fpc- - 
en by Ireland. 

Forbid it, beaver, my life Jhould be 

iV ; . diLith her I: j ft convenient^. 



In fhort, whatever advantage you propofe to 
yourfelves by repealing the facramental teft, fpeak 
it out plainly, it is the beft argument you can ufe ; 
for we value your intereft much more than our own; 
if your little finger be fore, and you think a poul- 
tice made of our vitals will give it any eafe, fpeak 
the word, and it fhall be done : the intereft of our 
whole kingdom is at any time ready to ftrike to that of 
your pooreft filhing-town ; it is hard you will not 
accept our fervices, unlefs we believe at the fame 
time, that you are only confulting our profit, and 
giving us marks of your love. If there be a fire at 
ibme diftance, and I immediately blow up my houfe 
before there be occafion, becaufe you are a man of 
quality, and apprehended fome danger to a corner 
f your ftable ; yet why ihould you require me to 
attend next morning at your levee, with my humble 
thanks for the favour you have done me ? 

If we might be allowed to judge for ourfelves, we 
had abundance of benefit by the facramental teff, 
and forefee a number of mifchiefs would be the con- 
fluence of repealing it ; and we conceive the ob- 
je .lions made asainft it by the DifTenters are of no 
manner of force. They tell us of their merits in 
the late war in Ireland, and how chear fully they 
engaged for the fafety of the nation ; that if they 
had thought they had been fighting only other 
pe male's .quarrels, perhaps it might have cooled 
their zeal; and that for the future they mall fit 
down quietly, and let us do our work ourfelves ; 
nay, that it is neccfiary they fhould do fo, iince 
they cannot take up arms under the penalty of high 

Now, fuppofing them to have done their duty, as 
I believe they did, and not trouble them about the 
fly on the wheel*, I thought liberty, property, and 


* Alluding to the fabh of a fly, who having fettled on the fpoke 
of a wheel belonging to a ' chariot that was driven rapidly al >ng the 




j religion, had been the three fubjecls of the quarrel; 
Kami have not all thofe been amply fe cured to them? 
had they at that time a mental reservation for power 
land employments ? and muft thefe two articles be 
wadded henceforward in our national quarrels ? It is 
Igrown a mighty conceit among fome men, to melt 
Idown the phrai'e of a church eitablifhed by law, in- 
Ito that of the religion of the magiftrate ; of which 
[appellation it is eaiier to find the reafon than the 
it nle : if by the magiftrate they mean the prince, 
If the expreilion includes a fafehood ; for when 
King James was prince], the eitablifhed church was 
Ithe lame it is now. If by the fame word they mean 
Ithe legiflature, we defire no more. Be that as it 
Iwill.,. we of this kingdom believe the church of Ire- 
jland to be the national church, and the only one 
jeftablilhed by law, and are willing by the fame law 
Ito give a toleration to DiiTenters ; but if once we re- 
peal our facramental teft, and grant a toleration. or 
fuipend the execution of the penal laws, I do not 
fee how we can be faid to have any eitablifhed 
church remaining ; or rather, why there will not 
be as many eftablifhed churches, as there are feels 
'of Diirenters. No, fay they, yours will ftill be 
the national church, becaufe your bifhops and 
clergy are maintained by the public ; but that, I 
fuppofe, will be of no long duration, and it would 
be very unjuft it fhould ; becaufe, to fpeak in Tin- 
dal's phrafe, it is not reafonable that revenues fhould 
be annexed to one opinion more than another, 
when all are equally lawful ; and it is the fame au- 
thor's maxim, That no freeborn fubject ought to 
pay for maintaining fpeculationshe does no believe. 
But why fhould any man, upon account of opinions 
he cannot help, be deprived the opportunity of fer- 
ving his Quxen and country ! their zeal is commend- 

road, cxu'.ed i,i his own Importance, aid cried out, What a dujl ice 



able, and when employments go a-begging for wan! jl 
of hands, they fhallbe fure to have the refufal, on- j 
ly upon condition they will not pretend to them up- 1 
on maxims which equally include Atheilts, Turks, I 
Jews, Infidels, and heretics : or, which is hull more dan- 1 
gerous, even Papifts themfelves : the former you i 
allow, the other you deny ; becaufe theie laft own j 
a foreign power, and therefore mull be Unit out. | 
Bat there is no great weight in this ; for their reli- 1 
gion can Tuit with free ftates, with limited or abib- 1 
lute monarchies, as well as a better; and the Pope's | 
power in France is but a ihadow ; i'o that upon this 
foot there need be no great danger to the conftitu- 
t;on by admitting Papiits to employments., I will 
help you to enough of them who Ihallbeas ready to 
allow the Pope here as little power as you pleafe; 
and the bare opinion of his being vicar of Chriil is 
but a fpeculative point, for which no man it feems- 
ought to be deprived the capacity of ferving his 

But, if you pleafe, I- will tell you the great ob- 
jection-we have againft repealing this fame facra- 
mental tcft. It is, that we are verily perfuaded, the 
confequence will be an entire alteration of religion* 
among us in no great compafs of years. And pray,' 
obferve how we reafon here in Ireland upon this" 

We obferve the Scots in our northern parts to 
be a brave induftrious people, extremely devoted to 1 
their religion, and full of an undifturbed .affection 
towards each other. Numbers of that noble nation, . 
invited bv the fertilities of that foil, are plad to exv 
change their barren hills of Lochaber by a voyage 
of three hours, for our fruitful vales of Doun and- 
Antrim, fo- productive of that grain, which at little 
trouble and lefs expenfe finds diet and lodging for 
themfelves and their cattle, Thefe people, by their 
extreme parflmony, wonderful dexterity in deal- 
ing, and linn adherence to one another, foon grow 



no wealth from the fmalleft beginnings, never are 
ootccl out where they once fix, and increafe daily 
y new fupplies; befides, when they are the fupe- 
ior number in any tract of ground, they are not 
ver patient of mixture : but fuch whom they can- 
ot affimulate, foon find it their intereft to remove. 

have done all in my power on fome land of my 
wn to preferve two or three Englifh fellows in 
heir neighbourhood, but found it impoffible, tho' 
ne of them thought he had fufliciently made his 
ourt by turning prefbyterian. Add to all this, 
hat they bring along with them from Scotland a 
iioll formidable notion of our church, which they 
Dok upon at leait three degrees worfe thin Popery: 
nd it is natural it fhould be fo, hnce they come 
ver full fraught with that fpirit which taught them 
l> aboliih Epifcopacy at home. 

Then we proceed farther, and obferve, that the 
entlemen of employments here make a very trtm- 
iderable number of the houfe of Commons', and 
iiave no other merit, but that of doing their duty 
a their feveral ftations ; therefore, when the teft 
> repealed, it will be highly reafonable they ihould 
ive place to thofe who have much greater fervices 
o plead. The commifTlons of the revenue are foon 
ifpofed of, and the collectors and other officers 
iroughout the kingdom are generally appointed 
y the commifiioners, which give them a mighty 
ifluence in every county. As much may be laid 
f the great offices in the law ; and when this door 

open to let DiiTenters into the commiffions of the 
eace, to make them high iherifFs, mayors of cor- 
porations, and officers of the army and militia, I 
o not fee how it can be other wife, coniidering their 
aduftry and our fupinenefs, but that they may, in 
very few years, grow to a majority in the houfe 
f Commons, and confequently make themfelves 
he national religion, and have a fair pretence to 
emand the revenues of the church for their teach- 



ers. I know it will be objected, that if all thi< 
mould happen as I dcfcribe, yet the Prefbyteriar. 
religion could never be made the national by aft oi 
parliament, becaufe our bifnops are fo great ir 
number in the houfe of Lords ; and without a ma 
jority there, the church could not be abolifhed. Bui 
I have two very good expedients for that, whicr 
I fhall leave you to guefs, and I dare fwear oui 
Speaker here has often thought on, efpecially ha- 
ving endeavoured at one of them fo lately. To con 
vince you, that this defign is not fo foreign frorr 
fome people's thoughts, I muft let you know, tha 
an honeil bell-wether * of our houfe (you hav< 
him now in England, I wifh you could keep hirr 
there) had the impudence, fome years ago, in par- 
liament-time, to fhake my Lord Bifhop of Kilaloo-' 
by his lawn-fteeve, and tell him, in a threatening 
manner, " that he hoped to live to fee the day 
" v:hr~ :h:re mould not be one of his order in tffl 
' kingdom." 

Thefe iaft lines perhaps you think a ^grefilon : 
therefore to return, I have told you the confequen- 
ces we fully reckon upon from repealing the facra 
mental teft, which although the greater!: numbei 
of fuch as are for doing it, are actually in no man- 
ner of pain about it, and many of them care nol 
three pence whether there be any church, or no ; 
yet becaufe they pretend to argue from confcienjl 
as well as policy and intereit, I thought it proper to 
under ftand and anfwer them accordingly. 

Now, Sir, in anfwer to your queftion, whether 
if any attempt fhould be made here for repealing 
the facramental teft, it would be likely to fucceed ? 
the number of proferTed DiiTenters in this parlia- 
ment was, as I remember, fomething under a dozen* 
and I cannot call to mind above thirty others who 

* SnppofeJ *o be Mr. Brrfderiefc. 

f- Dr, L;ndf.ty, afterwards Lord Prim te. 



vere expected to fall in with them. This is cer- 
ain, that the Prefbyterian party having with great 
nduftry muttered up their forces, did endeavour 
bne day, upon occaiion of a hint in my Lord Pem- 
broke's i fpeech, to introduce a debate about re- 
pealing the teft-claufe, when there appeared at leaft 
four to one odds againft them ; and the ableft of 
jhofe who are reckoned the moil flanch and tho- 
[ough-paced Whigs upon all other occafions, fell 
iff with an abhorrence at the firft -mention of this. 

I mu ft defire you to take notice, that the terms 
bf Whig and Tory do not properly exprefs the dif- 
ferent interefts in our parliament. [I remember, 
v'hen I was laft in England, I told the King, that 
he higheft Tories we had with us -would make to- 
rabie Whigs there : this was certainly right, and 
till in the general continues fo, unlefs you have 
nee admitted new characteristics, which did not 
ome within our definition.]] Whoever bears a 
rue veneration for the glorious memory of King 
KTilliam, as our great deliverer from Popery and 
avery ; whoever is firmly loyal to our prefent 
)ueen, with an utter abhorrence and deteftation of 
he pretender ; whoever approves the fucceffion to 
he crown in the houfe of Hanover, and is for 
referving the doctrine and difcipline of the church 
f England, with an indulgence for fcrupulous 
onfeiences ; fuch a man we think acts upon right 
rinciples, and may be juftly allowed a Whig : 
ind I believe there are not fix members in our 
oufe of Commons, who may not fairly come un- 
er this defcription. So thnt the parties among us 
re made up on one. fide of moderate Whigs, and 
n the other of Prefbyterians and their abettors, bv 
hich laft I mean fuch who can equally go to a 
hurch or conventicle, or fuch who are indifferent 

all religion in general ; or laitly, fuch who affect 

X Then Lord L'eutenant of Ireland. 



to bear a perfonal rancour towards the clergy : 
thefe laft are a fet of men not of our own growth, 
their principles at leai! have been imported of late 
years ; yet this whole party put together will fcarce 
I am confident, amount to above fifty men in par- 
liament, which can hardly be worked up into a 
majority of three hundred. 

As to the ho ufe of Lords, the difficulty there is 
conceived at leaft as great as in ours. 80 many of D 
our temporal peers live in England, that the bifhops 
are generally pretty near a par of the houfe, and 
we reckon they will be all to a man againft repeal- 
ing the ten: ; and yet their Lordihips are generally 
thought as good Whigs upon our principles as any 
in the kingdom. There are indeed a few lay-lords, 
who appear to have no great devotion for Epifco- 
pacy ; and perhaps one or two more, with whom 
certain powerful motives might be ufed for remo- 
ving any difficulty whatfoever : but thefe are, in no 
fort, a number to carry any point againft a con- 
junction of the reft and the whole bench of bi- 

Befides, the whole body of our clergy is utterly 
againft repealing the teft, though they are entirely 
devoted to her Majefty, and hardly one in an hun- 
dred, who are not very good Whigs in our accep- 
tation of the word. And I muft let you know, that 
we of Ireland arc not come up toother folks refine- 
ments, for we generally love and efteem our clergy, 
and think they deferveit ; nay, we are apt to lay fome 
weight on their opinion, and would not willingly 
difoblige them, at leaft, unlefs it were upon fome 
greater point of intercft than this. And their 
judgment in the prefent affair is the more to be re- 
garded, becaufe they are the laft perfons who will [ 
be affected bv it : this makes us think them impar- 
tial, and that their concern is only for religion and 
the intercft of the kingdom. Becaufe the act which \ 
repeals the teft, will only qualify a layman for an , 





! mployment, but not a Prefbyterian or Anabaptift 
Treacher for a church-living. Now, I mult take 

tave to inform you, that feveral members of our 
loufe, and myfelf among the reft, knowing fome 
pie ago what was upon the anvil, went to all the 
lergy we knew of any diftindtion, and defired 

leir judgement in the matter; wherein we found 

moil wonderful agreement, there being but one 

vine that we could hear of in the whole kingdom, 
ho appeared of a contrary fentiment, wherein he 

iterwards ftood alone in the convocation, very 
. tie to his credit, though, as he hoped, very much. 

his intereft. 
I I will now conilder a little the arguments offered 
I mew the advantages, or rather the neceflity of 
'pealing the ten: in Ireland. We are told, the Po- 
lih intereft is here io formidable, that all hands 
Bould be joined to keep it under ; that the only 
limes of diftincftion among us ought to be thofe of 
roteftant and Papift ; and that this expedient is 
le only means to unite all Proteftants upon one 
Immon bottom. All which is nothing but raifre- 

efentation and miftake. 

If we were under any real fear of the Papifts in 

is kingdom, it would be hard to think us fo ftu- 
as not to be equally apprehenftve with others, 

ce we are likely to be the greateft, and more im- 
diate fufferers : but, on the contrary, we look 

on them to be altogether as inconiiderable as the 
men and children. Their lands are almoft en- 
ly taken from them, and they are rendered in- 
able of purchafing any more : and for the little 
|at remains, provifion is made by the late acf a- 
pnft Popery, that it will daily crumble away : to 
event which, fome of the moft confiderable a- 
l)ng them are already turned Proteftants, and fo 
i all probability will many more. Then, the Po- 
ih priefts are all registered, and without permif- 
|n (which I hope will not be granted) they can 
Vol.IV. N have 


have no fucceflbrs ; fo that, the Proteftant clergy 
will find it perhaps no difficult matter to bring grea 
numbers over to the church .; and in the mear 
time the common people, without leaders, withou 
difcipline, or natural courage, being little bettei 
than " hewers of wood, and drawers of water," art 
out of all capacity of doing any mifchief, if the] 
were ever fo well inclined. Neither are they at al 
likely to join in any coniiderable numbers with ai 
invader, having found {q ill fuccefs when they wer< 
much more numerous and powerful ; when the; 
had a prince of their own religion to head rhern * 
had been trained for (ome years under a PopiA 
deputy, and received fuch mighty aids from th 
French King. 

As to that argument ufed for repealing the teft 
that it will unite all Protectants againft the commoi 
enemy ; I wonder by what figure thofe gentlemei 
fpeak, who are pleafed to advance it : Suppofe, ii 
order to increafe the friendship between you an< 
me, a law mould pais, that I muft have half you. I 
eftate : do vou think that would much advance th i 
union between us ? or, fuppofe I mare my for ( 
tune equally between my- own children and a ftran j 
ger, whom I take into my protection ; will that be J | 
method to unite them ? I.t is an odd way of unitinp 
parties, to deprive a majority of part of their ancien I 
right, by conferring it on a faction, who had neve] I 
any right at all, and therefore cannot be faid t(l 
furrer any lofs or injury, if it be refufed them \ 
Neither is it very clear, how far fome people maj 
ilretch the term of common enemy. How many 
are there of thofe that call themfelves Protectants, r 
who look upon our worfhip to be idolatrous asf 
well as that of the Papifts, and with great charity 
put Prelacy and Popery together as terms con-1 
vertible ? 

* In the reign of King James II. and till after the battle of the 
Boyne in 1690. 



And therefore there is one fmall doubt I would 
e willingly iatisried in, before I agree to the re- 
|ealing of the teft : that is, whether thefe fame 
'roteftants, when they have, by their dexterity, 
iiade themfelves the national religion, and difpofed 
ic church revenues among their paitors or them- 
Hves, will he fo kind to allow us DifTenters, I do 
ot fay a ihare in employments, but a bare tolera- 
ion by law ? The reafon of my doubt is, becaufe I 
aave been fo very idle as to read above fifty pam- 
^llets written by as many Prefbyterian divines, 
budly difclaiming this idol toleration, fome of 
liem calling it (I know not how properly) a rag 
J* Popery, and all agreeing it was to eftablim ini- 
quity by a law. Now, I would be glad to know, 
pen and where their fuccefifors have renounced 
Lis doctrine, and before what witneifes. Becaufe 
lethinks I fhould be loath to fee my poor titular 
Ifhop in partibus feized on by miftake in the dark 
br a Jefuit, or be forced myfelf to keep a chap- 
lin difguifed like my butler, and ileal to prayers 
I a back room, as my grandfather ufed in thofe 
ilmes when the church of England was malignant. 
I But this js ripping up old quarrels long forgot ; 
ijopery is now the common enemy, againft which 
fie muft all unite ; I have been tired in hiftorv 
jith the perpetual folly of thofe ftates who call 
I foreigners to affift them againft a common ene- 
:y ; but the mifchief was, thefe allies would never 
brought to allow, that the common enemy was 
.lite fubdued. And they reafon ; for it proved at 
ft; that one part of the common enemy was 
iofe who called them in, and fo the allies became 
: length the mafters. 

: It is agreed among naturalifts, that a lion is a 
rger, a ftronger, and more dangerous enemy 
an a cat ; yet if a man were to have his choice, 
ther a lion at his foot, bound faft with three or 
)ur chains, his teeth drawn out, and his claws 

N 2 pared 


pared to the quick, or an angry cat in full libsrt] 
at his throat ; he would take no long time to de 

I have been fometlmes admiring the wonderfu 
frgnificancy of that word perfeciiiion, and what va 
rious interpretation it hath acquired even withh 
my memory. When I was a boy, I often heart 
the Prefbyterians complain, that they were not per 
mitted to ferve God in their own way ; they fait 
they did not repine at our employments, but though 
that all men who live peaceably ought to have li 
berty of confcience, and leave to affemble. Tha 
impediment being removed at the revolution, the' 
loon learned to fwallow the facramcntal teft, anc 
began to take very large fteps, wherein all who oi 
fered to oppofe ihem, were called men of a per 
iecuting fpirit. During the time the bill a 
gainft occaiional conformity was on foot, perfecu 
tion was every day rung in our ears, and now, a 
laft, the facramental teft itfelf has the fame name 
Where then is this matter likely to end, when th 
obtaining of one requeft is only ufed as a ftep t< 
demand another ? A lover is ever complaining o 
cruelty, while any thing is denied him ; and whei 
the lady ceafes to be cruel, me is from the nex 
moment at his mercy : fo perfecution, it feems, i 
every thing, that will not leave it in mens power t< 
perfecute others. 

There is one argument offered a gainft a facra 
mental teft by a fort of men who are content to b< 
ftiled of the church of England, who perhaps at i 
tend its fervice in the morning, and go with theii 
wives \o 2l conventicle in the afternoon, confeffind 
they hear very good doctrine in both. Thefe met 
are much offended, that fo holy an inftitution, a." 
that of the Lord's fupper, mould be made rubier- 1 
vient to fuch mercenary purpofes as the getting oil 
an employment. Now, it feems, the law, con- 
cluding all men to be members of that church 1 



rhere they receive the facrament ; and fuppoiing 
ill men to live like Chriftians (efpecially thole who 
re to have employments) did imagine they receiv- 
pthe facrament in courfe about four times a-year; 
rid therefore only defired it might appear by cer- 
pcate to the public, that fuch who took an office, 
rere members of the church eftablifhed, by doing 
heir ordinary duty. However, left we fhould of- 
fend them, we have often defired they would deal 
pndidly with us : for, if the matter ftuck only 
pere, we would propofe it in parliament, that e- 
:ry man who takes an employment, fhould, in- 
tead of receiving the facrament, be obliged to 
|vear, that he is a member of the church of Ire- 
.nd by law eftablifhed, with Epifcopacy, and fo 
wtb : and as they do now in Scotland, to be trvc 
the kirk. But when we drive them thus far, .they 
[ways retire to the main body of the argument, 
Irge the hardfhip that men mould be deprived the 
berty of ferving their Queen and country on ac- 
mnt of their confcience ; and in fhort, have re- 
>urfe to the common ftile of their half-brethren, 
fow, whether this be a fincere way of arguing, L. 
'ill appeal to any other judgment but theirs. . 
There is another topic of clamour fomewirat pa- 
illel to the foregoing ; it feems by the teft- claufe, 
Le military officers are abliged to receive the facra- 
lent, as well as the civil. And it is a matter of 
_ ime patience, to hear the DifTenters declaiming up- 
In this occafion : they cry they are difarnred^diey 
e ufed like Papifts : when an enemy appears at 
:>me, or from abroad, they mure lit frill, and fee 
Leir throats- cut, or be hanged for-high-treafon if 
iey offer to defend themfelves, Miferable condi- 
>n ! woful dilemma ! it is happy for us all, that 
Le pretender was not apprifed ' of this paffive 
'refbyterian principle, elfe he would have infal- 
jbly landed in our northern parts, and found 
:m all fat down in their formalities, as the 

N 3, Gaul*; 


Gauls did the Roman fenators, ready to die wit] 
honour in their callings. Sometimes to appeaf 
their indignation, we venture to give them hopes 
that in fuch a cafe the government will perhap 
connive, and hardly be fo fevere to hang them fo 
defending it againft the letter of the law; to whicl 
they readily anfwer, that they will not lie at ou 
mercy, but let us fight our battles ourfelves. Some 
times we offer to get an act, by which, upon a] 
Popifh infurrec~tions at home, or Popifh invaiion 
from abroad, the government fhall be impowere< 
to grant commiffions to all Proteftants whatfoever 
without that perfecuting circumftance of obligin 
them to fay their prayers when they receive the fa 
crament : but they abhor all thoughts of occafion 
i-d commiffions ; they will not do our drudgery 
and we reap the benefit : it is not worth their whil 
to fight pro arts et foe is ; and they had rather lof 
rheir eftates, liberties, religion, and lives, thai 
the pleafure of governing. 

But to bring this difcourfe towards a conclufion 
If the DiiTenters will be fatisfled with fuch a tolera 
tion by law, as hath been granted them in England 
I believe the majority of both houfes will fall readil; 
in with it ; farther it will be hard to perfuade thi 
houfe of Commons, and perhaps much harder th< 
next. For, to fay the truth, we make a might] 
difference here between fuffering thirties to grov 
among us, and wearing them for pofies. We ar< 
fully convinced in our confeiences, that we fhaL 
always tolerate them ; but not quite fo fully thai 
they will always tolerate us, when it comes to tlieii 
turn ; and we are the majority, and we are in pof- 

He who argues in defence of a law in force, not 
antiquated or obfolete, but lately enacted, is cer- 
tainly on the fafer fide, and may be allowed to 
point out the dangers he conceives tp forefee in the 
abrogation of it, 



For, if the confequencs of repealing this claufe 
mould, at fome time or other enable the Prefbyte- 
rians to work thexnfelves up into the national 
church ; initead of uniting Proteftants, it would 
fow eternal divifions among them. Firft, their own 
feels, which now lie dormant, would be ibon at 
cuffs again with each other aboutpower and prefer- 
ment ; and the diffenting Epifcopals, perhaps dif- 
contented to fuch a degree, as upon fome fair un- 
happy occaiion, fhould be able to fhake the firmeft 
loyalty, which none can deny theirs to be. 

Neither is it very difficult to conjecture, from 
fome late proceedings, at what a rate this faction is 
like to drive, wherever it gets the whip and the 
feat. They have already fet up courts of fpiritual 
judicature in open contempt of the law : they fend 
miflionaries every where, without being invited, 
in order to convert the church of England folks 
to Chriftianity. They are as vigilant as I know 
who, to attend perfons on their deathbeds, and 
for purpofes much alike. And what practices 
fuch principles as thefe (with many other that 
might be invidious to mention) may fpawn, when 
they are laid out to the fun, you may determine at 

Laftly, Whether we are fo entirely fure of their 
loyalty upon the prefent foot of government as you 
may imagine, their detractors make a queftion, 
which, however does, I think, by no means af- 
fect the body of Diffenters : but the inftance pro- 
duced is of fome among their leading teachers in 
the north, who, having refufed the abjuration- 

poadi, yet continue their preaching, and have a- 
bundance of followers. The particulars are out of 

Hmy head; but the fact is notorious enough, and I 
believe hath been publifhed j I think it a pity, it 

1 hath not been remedied. 



Thus I have fairly given you, Sir, my own 
opinion, as well as that of a great majority in 
both houfes here, relating to this weighty af- 
fair; upon, which 1 am confident you may fecure 
y reckon. I will leave you to make what ufe of 
t you pleafe. 

I am with great refpect, 

Dublin, Dec. 4. 

1708. SIR, 

Yoursj See-. 




C 153 3 


Some Arguments againft enlarging the 
power of Bifliops in letting of Leafes *. 

Mlhl crcditc, major hereditas venit unicuiqiie vef- 
trtan in iifdem bonis a jure et a legibus, qnam 
ab iis a quibus ilia ipfa bona relief a funt. 

Cicero pro A. C<ecina, 

Written in the year 1723,. 

TN handling this fubjecl I mall proceed whot- 
* ly upon the fuppoiition, that of our party 
who profefs themielves members of the church 
eftablimed, and under the apoftolicai govern- 
ment of bifhops, to deiire the continuance and 
tranfmiffion of it to posterity, at leaft in as 
good a condition as it is at prefent ; becaufe as this 
difcourfe is not calculated for DhTenters of any 
kind, fo neither will it luit the talk or fentiment of 
thofe perfons, who w r ith the denomination of 
churchmen are oppreflors of the inferior clergy, 
and perpetually quarrelling at the great incomes of 
the bifhops ; which is a traditional cant delivered 

* This pamphlet is intermixed with thofe rmfterly nrokes of 
ironv, which are fo often intermixed in Swift's works. The general 
fubjectofit leads me to recollect a circumnance much to the Dean's 
honour : he could Keverbe induced to take fines for any of the chap- 
ter lands j he always choffc to raile the rents, as the method lead 
opprefiive to the prefent tenant, and mod advantageous to all future 
tenants and landlords. He conftantly refufed to- give chanty out of the 
chapter-funds, which he aihdged were fcarce fufficient to maimaia 
the nexe/ary repairs of the cathedral. Orrery, 



down from former times, and continued with great 
reafon, although it be now near two hundred years 
iince almoft three parts in four of the church- 
revenues have been taken from the clergy, befides 
the fpoils that have been gradually made ever fince 
of glebes and other lands by the confulion of times r 
the fraud of incroaching neighbours, or the power 
of op^refTors too great to be encountered. 

About the time of the reformation many Popiih 
biihops of this kingdom, knowing they muft have 
been foon ejected if they would not change their re- 
ligion, made long leafes and fee-farms of great part 
of their lands, referving very inconfiderable rents, 
fometimes only a chiefry, by a power they afiumed 
directly contrary to many ancient canons, yet con- 
iiitent enough with the common law. This trade 
held on for many years after the biihops became 
Proteftants; and fome of their names are ft ill re*- 
membered with infamy on account of enriching 
their families by fuch facrilegious alienations. By 
thefe means Epifcopal revenues were fo low redu- 
ced, that three or four fees were often united to^ 
make a tolerable competency. For fome remedy 
to this evil, King James I. by a bounty that be- 
came a good Chriftian prince, befrowed feveral 
forfeited lands on the northern bishopries : but in 
all other Darts of the kingdom the church continu- 
ed ftilL in the fame diftrefs and poverty, fome of 
the fees hardly pofleffing enough to maintain a 
country-vicar. About the middle of King Charles 
I.'s reign the legiilature here thought fit to put a 
flop at leaft to any farther alienations ; and fo a law 
was enacted, prohibiting all biihops and other ec-* 
cleflaitical corporations from fetting their lands for 
above the term of twenty-one years ; the rent re- 
ferred to be one half of the real value of fuch lands 
at the time they were fet, without which condition.* 
the leafe to be void.. 



Soon after the reftoration of King Charles II. 
the parliament taking into consideration the mife- 
rable eftate of the church, certain lands by way of 
augmentation were granted to eight bifhcps in the 
act of ictdement, and confirmed in the at of ex- 
plain ion ; of which bounty, as I remembtr, three 
flees were in a great meafure defeated ; but by what 
accidents, it is not here of any importance to re- 

This at prefent is the condition of the church in 

Ireland with regard to Epiicopal revenues : which I 

i have thus briefly (and perhaps imperfectly) deduced 

1 for fome information to thofe whofe thoughts do 

pot lead them to fuch considerations. 

By virtue of the ftatute already mentioned, under 
King Charles I. limiting ecclefiaftical bodies to the 
term of twenty-one years, under the referved rent 
of half real value, the bilhops have had fome fhare 
m the gradual rife of lands, without which they 
could not have been fupported with any common 
decency that might become their ftat>on. It is a- 
bove eighty years iince the palling of that act : the 
fee of Meath, one of the beft in the kingdom, was 
[hen worth about 4000 1. per annum; the poorer 
anes in the fame proportion. If this were their 
prefent condition, I cannot conceive how they would 
aave been able to pay for their patents, or buy their 
:obes : but this will certainly be the condition of 
:heir fucceffors, if fuch a bill fhould pafs, as they 
i'ay is now intended, which I will fuppofe ; and be- 
lieve many perfons who may give a vote for it, are 
Iiot aware of. 

However, this is the act which is now attempted 
Ho be repealed, or at leaft eluded ; fome are for giv- 
ing bifhops leave to let fee-farms, others would al- 
ow them to let leafes for lives ; and the moft mo- 
derate would repeal that claufe, by which the bi- 
hops are bound to let their lands at half- value. 



The reafons for the rife of value in lands are of 
two kinds. Of the frrit kind, are long peace and 
fettleraent after the devaluations of war ; plantations, 
improvements of bad foil, recovery of bogs and 
marfhes, advancement of trade and manufactures, 
increafe of inhabitants, encouragement of agricul- 
ture, and the like. 

But there is another reafon for the rife of land, 
more gradual, conftant, and certain; which will 
have its effects in countries that are very far from 
flouriming in any of the advantages I have ju ft men- 
tioned : I mean the perpetual decreafe in the value 
of gold and filver. I mall difcourfe upon thefe two 
different kinds with a view towards the bill now at- 

As to the firft ? I cannot fee how this kingdom 
is at any height of improvement, while four parts 
in five of the plantations for thirty years paft have 
been real difemprovements ; nine in ten of the quick- 
fet-hedges being ruined for want of care or ikill. 
And as to foreft-trees, they being often taken out 
of woods, and planted in fingle rows on the tops of 
ditches, it is impoffible they fhould grow to be of 
ufe, beauty, or fhelter. Neither can it be faid, 
that the foil of Ireland is improved to its full height, 
while fo much lies all winter tinder water, and the 
bogs made almoft defperateby the ill cutting of the 
turf. There hath indeed been fome little improve- 
ment in the manufactures of linen and woollen, al- 
though very fhort of perfection ; but our trade was 
never in fo low a condition : and as to agriculture, 
of which all wife nations have been fo tender, the 
defolation made in the country by ingrofling gra- 
ziers, and the great yearly importation of corn 
from England, are lamentable inftances under what 
difcouragement it lie?. 

But, notwithstanding all thefe mortifications, I 
flippofe there is no wellwifher to his country with- 
out a little hope, that in time the kingdom may be 



on a better foot in fome of the articles above men" 
tjpned. But it would be hard, if eccleiiaftical bo- 
dies ihould be the only perfons excluded from any 
ihare in public advantages, which yet can never hap- 
pen, without a greater ihare of profit to their te- 
nants : if God fends rain equally upon the jujt and 
Unjuji, why fhould thofe who wait at his altars, and 
are instructors of the people, he cut off from par- 
taking in the general benefits of law or of nature ? 
But, as this way of reafoning may feem to bear 
ja more favourable eye to the clergy, than perhaps 
hut with the prefent difpofkion or fafhion of 
igc ; I ihall therefore dwell more largely upon 


e ? 

,the fecond reafon for the rife of land, which is the 
berpU ual decrease of the value of gold and filver . 

This may be oblerved from the courfe of the Ro- 
man hiltory above two thoufand years before thofe 
hexhauitible filver mines of Potofi were known. 
The value of an obulus, and of every other coin, 
between the time of Ptomulus and that of Augufhis, 
gradually iunk above five parts in fix, as appears bv 

everal paffages out of the beft authors. And yet the 
prodigious wealth of that ftate did not arife from 

he increafe of bullion in the world by the difcove- 
; y of new mines, but from a much more acciden- 

aul cafe, which was the fpreading of their conqueit, 
I ind thereby importing into Rome and Italy the of the eaft and welt. 

When the feat of empire was removed to Con- 
itantinople, the tide of money flowed that way 

virhout ever returning ; and was fcattered in Afia. 
1 l3ut when that mighty empire was overthrown by 
1 he northern people, fuch a ftop was put to all 
Irade and commerce, that vaft fums of money were 
: mried to efcape the plundering of the conquerors; 
' .nd what remained was carried off bv thofe rava- 

It were no difficult matter to compute the value 

I pf money in England during the Saxon reigns; but 

Vol. IV. O the 


the Monkifn and other writers fince the ccnque 
have put that matter in a clearer light, by the fev< 
rai accounts they have given us of the value c 
corn and cattle in years of" dearth and plenty. Evet 
one knows that King John's whole portion, befoi 
he came to the crown, was but five thoman 
pounds, without a foot of land. 

I have irkewlfe ken the fteward's accounts of a 
ancient noble family in England written in Lat 
between three and four hundred years ago, with tl 
feveral prices of wine and victuals, to confirm ir 

i ' ervations. 

1 ,! 1 CC^J^/"-' 

I have'bi en at the trouble of computing (as othe 
h'avs don the different values of money for abo 1 
four hundred years pail: Henry Duke of Lane 
ftei who ived about that period, founded an he 
pital in Leicefter for a certain number of old me 
chai . is land ; with a groat a-week to each f< 
theii r maintenance, which is to this day duly pa 
them. In tliofe times, a penny w T as equal to t< 
pence halfpenny, and fomewhat more than half 
farthing of ours; which makes about eight nintl 


This is plain alio from the old cuftomupon mai| 
efcatesinEngland to let for leafes of lives, (rene\ 
able at pleaiure), where thereferved rent is ufuaii 
about iwelpence a pound, which then was near tl 
half real value : and although the fines be not fi: 
ed. yet the landlord gets altogether nptabove thr 
fhUlings in the pound of the worth of his land : ar 
the tenants are fo wedded to this cuHom, that 
the owner fuffer three lives to expire, none of the 
will take a leafe on other conditions ; or if he brinj 
in a foreigner who will agree to pay a reafbnab 
rent, the other tenants by all manner of injur* 
will make that foreigner fo uneafy, that he mufti 
forced to quit the farm; as the late Earl of Bal 
felt by the experience of above ten thoufands poun< 


The gradual decreafe for about two hundred- 
e;irs after was not conllderable, and therefore I do 
lot relv on the account given bv fome hiftorians, 
hat Harry VII. left behind him eighteen hundred 
houfand pounds ; for, although the Weft Indies 
rere difcovered before his death, and although he 
tad the beft talents and inftruments for exacting 
f money ever poflefTed by any prince the tim 
f Vefpafian (whom he refembled in many paticu- 
u s s), yet I conceive, that in his days the whole coin 
r England could hardly amount to inch a fum,- 

or in the reign o^ Philip and Mary, Sir 

'ockain of Derbyshire, the be ft houfekeeper or 
is quality in the county, allowed his lady fifty 
ounds a-yearfor maintaining the family, one pound 
-year wages to each ferrant, and two pounds to the 
eward ; as I was told by a pevfon of quality who 
ad icen the original account of his oeconomy, 
[pw, this fum of fifty pounds, added to the adtan- 
iges of a large domain, might be equal to about 
ve hundi-ed pounds a-year at prefent, or fome- 
hat more than four fifths. 

The great pl< nty of ii-iver in England began in'' 
>neen Elifabeth'i reign, when Drake and others 

ok vaft quantities of coin and bullion from the 
{laniards either upon their own American coafts, 
r in their return to Spain However, fo much" 
ath been impoi ted annually from that time to this, 
lat the value of money in England, and moft nans 
f Europe, is funk above one half within the ipace 
f an hundred years, notwithftandirig the great 
iport of fiiver for about eighty years pad to the 
aft Indies, from whence it never returns. But gold 
ot being liable to the fame accident, and bv new 
ifcoveries growing .every day more plentiful, ieems 

danger of becoming a drug. 

This hath been the progrefs of tjie value of mo- 

y in former ages, and muft of neceility continue ' 

for the future, without feme new invalion of 

O 2. . Goths - 


Goths and Vandals to deftroy law, property, ^ 
religion, alter the very face of nature, and turn 


world upfkle down. 

I muft repeat, that what I am to fay upon the 
Uibject is intended only for the conviction of thofe 
among our own party, who are true lovers of the 
church, and would be glad it mould continue in a 
tolerable degree of profperity to the end of the 

The church is fuppofed to laft for ever both in 
its difcipiine and doctrine ; which is a privilege 
common to every petty corporation, who muft like- 
wife obferve the laws cf their foundation. If a 
gentleman's eftate, which now yields him a thou- 
fand pounds a-year, had been fet for ever at the 
iiighert value, even in the flourilhing days of King 
Charles II. would it now amount to above four or 
five hundred at moft ? What if this had happened 
two or three hundred years ago ; would the referv- 
ed rent at this dav be any more than a imall chief- 
ry ? Suppofe the revenues of a bifhop to have been 
under the fame circumitances ; could he now be 
able to perform works of hofpitality and charity ? 
Thus, if the revenues of a bifhop be limited to a 
thoufand pounds a-year ; how will his fucceilbrbe 
in a condition to fupport his ftation with decency, 
when the fame denomination of money mall not 
anfwer an half, a quarter, or an eighth part of that 
fum ? Which muft unavoidably be the confequence 
of any bill to elude the limiting act, whereby the 
church was preferved from utter ruin. 

The fame reafon holds goods in ail corporations 
whatfoever, who cannot follow a more pernicious 
practice than that of granting perpetuities, for 
which many of them fmart to this day ; although 
the leaders among them are often fo ftupid as not 
to perceive ir, or fometimes fo knavifh as to find 
t.heir private account in cheating the community. 



Several colleges in Oxford were av'are of this 
growing evil about an hundred years ago ; and in- 
Ulead of limiting their rents to a certain furn of mo- 
ney, prevailed with their tenants to p ly the price 
of lo many barrels of corn to be valued as the mar- 
ket went at two feafons (as I remember) in the year. 
|For a barrel of corn is of a real mtrmfic value, 
kvhich gold and filver are not: and by this inven- 
tion thefe colleges have preferved a tolerable fub- 
pftence for their fellows- and ftudents to this day. 

The prefent biihops will indeed be no fbfrerers 
by fuch a bill ; becaule, their ages confidered, they 
cannot expect to fee any great decreafe in the value 
bf money ; or nt.worit they can make it up in 
the lines, which will probably be greater than 
hfual upon the change of leaies into fee-farms or 
ives ;- or without the power of obliging their te- 
nants to a real half- value. - And, as I cannot well 
pl;i me them for taking; fuch advantages, (coniicler- 
jng the nature of humankind), when the que ft ion 
Is "only, whether the money jliall be put into their 
bwn or another man's- pocket.? fo they will never be 
Jxcufable before God or man, if they do not to 
[jlieir death oppofe, declare, and protelt againft any 
loich bill, as inuft in its consequences complete the 
,;, uin of the church, and of their own order in this 

If the fortune of a private perfoh be diminiihed 
v the weaknefs or inadvertency of his anceitors, 
[p letting leaies for ever at low rents, the world lies 
[ppen to h : s induftry for purchaiing of more ; but the 
Jhurch is barred by a dead hand ; or if it were other- 
Bvife, yet die enftom of making bequefts to it hath 
teen out ot practice for almoft two hundred years,- 
Jnd a great deal directly contrary hath been its for- 

1 have been allured bv' a nerfon of feme confe- ' - 
men e, to whom I am likewiie obliged for the ac- 
cunt ct foine other hicts already related, that the 

O -\ late 


late * Bifliop of Salifbury (the greateft Whig of 
that bench in his days) confefled to him, that the 
liberty which Bifhops in England have of letting 
leafes for lives, would, in his opinion, be one day 
the ruin of Epifcopacy there ; and thought the 
church in this kingdom happy by the limitation- 

And have we not alreadv found the effect of this 


different proceeding in both kingdoms I Have not 
two Englifh prelates quitted their peerage and feats 
in parliament, in a nation of freedom, for the fake 
of a more ample revenue, even in this unhappy 
kingdom, rather than lie under the mortification 
of living below their dignity at home ? for which 
however they cannot be juftly cenlured. I know 
indeed fome perfons, who dffer as an argument for 
repealing the limiting-bill, that it may in future 
ages prevent the practice of providing this kingdom 
with biihops from England, when the only tempta- 
tion will be removed. And they alledge, that, as 
things have gone for fome years paft, gentlemen 
will grow difcouraged from lending their fons to 
the univerfity, and from fuffering them to enter 
into holy orders, when they are likely to languiih 
under a curacy or fmall vicarage to the end of their 
lives : but this is all a vain imagination ; for the 
decreafe in the value of money will equally affect 
both kingdoms : and befides, when bifhoprics here 
grow too fmall, to mvite over men of credit and 
confecmence, they will be left more fully to the dif- 
poial of a chief governor, who can never fail of 
tome worthlefs illiterate chaplain, fond of a title 
find precedence. Thus will that whole bench in 
an age or two be compofed of mean, ignorant, 
fawning gownmen, humble fuppliants and depen- 
dents upon the cour; for a morfel of bread, and 
ready to {ewe every turn that fliall be demanded 

Dr. Eurnet. 



rom them in hopes of getting Tome commend^m tack- 
d to their fees; which muit then be the trade, as 
t is now too much in England, to the great difcou- 
agement of the inferior clergy. Neither is that 
>ractice without example among us. 

It is now about eighty-five years fince the paffing 
>f that limiting-act, and there is but one inftance 
n the memory of man of a bifhop's leafe broken 
lpon the plea of not being {statutable ; which, in 
rvery body's opinion, could have been loft by no o- 
;her perfon than he who was then tenant, and hap- 
pened, to be very ungracious in his county. In the 
brefent * Biihop of Meath's cafe that plea did not 
ivail, although the leafe were notoriously unftatut- 
jibk ; the rent referved being, as I have been told, 
toot a feventh part of the real value; yet the jury 
(upon their oaths very gravely found it to be accord- 
ing to the itatute-; and one of them was heard to 
lay, that he would " eat his ihoes" before he would. 
give a verdict for the biihop. A very few more 
[have made the fame attempt with as little fuccefs. 
(Every biihop and other ecclefiaftical body reckon- 
Iforty pounds in an hundred to be a reafonable half- 
lvalue ; or if it be only a third part, it feldom or 
Inever breeds any difference between landlord and 
(tenant. But when the rent is from five to nine or 
Iten parts lefs than the worth, the biihop, if he con- 
sults the good of his fee, will be apt to expoftulate; 
Sand the tenant, if he be an honeft man, will have 
afome regard to the rcafonablenefs and jufdce of the 
(demand, fo as to yield to a moderate advancement, 
i rather than engage in a fuit, where lav/ and equity 
are directly againft him. By thefe means the bi- 
ihops have been fo true to their trufts, as to pro- 
! cure fome fmall fliare in the advancement of rents ; 
! although it be notorious, that they do not receive 

* Dr. Evans a Wekhman, 




the third penny (fines included) of the real- viilu 
of their lands throughout the kingdom, 

I was never able to imagine what inconvenienc 
could accrue to the public by one or two thoufam' 
pounds a-year in the hands of a Proteftant bilhop! 
any more than of a lay perfon # . The former, ge 
irerally fpeaking, liveth as pioufly and hofpitably a 
the other ; pays his debts as honeftly, and fpends a I 
much of his revenue among, his tenants : befides 
if they be his immediate tenants, you may diftin 
guifh them at firft fight by their habits and horfes 
or if you go to their houfes, by their comfortabL 
way of living. But the misfortune is, that fuel 
immediate tenants, generally fpeaking, have other 
under them, and fo a third and fourth under them 
and fo a third and fourth in. fubordination, till i 
comes to the welder, (as they call him), who fits a 
a rack-rent, and lives as miferably as anylrifh far 
mer upon a new leafe from a lay landlord. Bui 
fuppofe a biihop happens to be-avaricious, (as be- 
ing compoied of the fame.fhiff with other men), 
the confequence to the public is no worfe than il 
he were a fquire ; for he leaves his fortune to his 
fon or near relation, who, if he be rich enough, 
will never think. of entering into the church. 

And as there can be no d had vantage to the pul> 
lie in a Proteftant country, that a man mould hold 
lands as a bifho-p, any more than if he were a tem- 
poral perfon ; fo it is of great advantage to the com- 
munity, where a bifhop leaves as he ought to do. 
He is bound in confeience to refide in his diocefe, 
and by a folenm promife to keep hofpitality ; his 
cftate is fpent in the kingdom, not remitted to Eng- 
land ; he keeps the clergy to their duty, and is an 
example of virtue both to them . and the people. 

* This part of the paragraph is to re appHcJ to the period when 
the whole was written, which' v\as it. 1723, vrhen feve.-al of" Queen 

Anne's bifliops were living. 



iippofe him an ill man ; yet his very character will 
ith-hold him from any great or open exorbitan- 
ies. But in fact it mull be allowed that fome bi- 
lOps of this kingdom within twenty years pari, 
ave done very fignal and lading acls of public 
harity ; great inftances whereof are the late * and 
refent f Primate, and the Lord t Archbiihop of 
Dublin that now is, who hath left memorials of his 
bounty in many parts of his province. I might add 
the Bimop of Raphoe ||, and feveral others : not 
Forgetting the late Dean of Down, Dr. Pratt, who 
bellowed one thoufand pounds upon the university; 
which foundation, (that I may obferve by the way), 
f the bill propofed ihould pafs. would be in-the 
ame circumftances with the Bifhops, nor ever able 
igain to advance the ftipends of the fellows andftu- 
fents, as lately they found it neceflary to do ; the 
determinate fnm appointed by the ftatutes for com- 
mons being not half fufficient, by the fall of mo- 
ney, to afford neceflary fuitenance. But the pari- 
ng of inch a bill muft put an end to all ecclefiafti- 
cal beneficence for the time to come ; and whether 
this will be fupplied by thofe who are to reap the 
benefit, better than it hath been 'done by the gran- 
tees of impropriate tithes, who received them up- 
on the old church-conditions of keeping hofpitali- 
ty, it will be eafy to conjecture., 

To alledge, that palling fuch a bill would be a 
good encouragement to improve bilhops lands, is 
a great error. Is it not the general method of land- 
lords to wait the expiration of a leafe, and then cant 
their lands to the hir-heft bidder ? And what fhould 
hinder the fame courfe to be taken in church-leaf es, 
when the limitation is removed of paying half the 
real value to the Bilhop? in riding through the 
country how few improvements do we fee upon the 

* Dr. Marih. t Dr. King. 

f Dr. Lind'a;-. [j Dr. Fofttr. 



eftates of laymen, farther than about their own do 
mains ? To fay the truth, it is a great misfortune as 
well to the public as to the bifhops themfelves, thaij 
their lands are generally let to lords and greal 
f quires, who in reafon were never deiigned to be 
tenants ; and therefore may naturally murmur at 
the payment of rent, as a fiibferviency they were 
not born to. If the tenants to the church were 
honeft farmers, they would pay their fines and rents 
with chea-fulnefs, improve their Lands, and thank 
God thev were to give but a moderate half-value 
for what they held, I have heard a man of a thou- 
fand pounds a-year talk with great of bi- 
fhoos leafes, as beinc; on aworfe foot than the reft 
of his eftate ; and he had certainly reafon : my an- 
fwer was,, that fuch leafes were originally intended 
only for the benefit of indufrrious hufbandmen, 
who would think it a great biefling ta be fo provid- 
ed for, indead of having his farm fcrewed up to 
the height, not eating one comfortable meal in a 
year, nor able to find fhoes for his children. 

I know not any advantage that can accrue by 
fuch a bill, except the preventing of perjury in ju- 
rymen, and falfe dealing in tenants ; which is a re- 
medy like that of giving my money to a highway- 
man, before he attempts to take it by force; and fa 
I fliall be fure to prevent the fin. of robbery. 

I had wrote thus ar, and. thought to have made 
an end ; when a bookfeller fent me a fmall pam- 
phlet, intitled, " The cafe of the laity, with fome 
queries;" full of the ftrongeft malice againft the 
clergy > that I have anv where met with fince the. 
reign of Tolancl, and others of that tribe. Theie. 
kinds of advocates do infinite miichief to OUR 
good cause by giving grounds to the unjuft re- 
proaches of Tories and Jacobites, who charge 
us with being enemies to the church. If I bear 
an hearty unfeigned loyalty to hLsMajeity King 
GEORGE and the hemic of Hanover, not ihaken 



In the le&ft by the hardihips we he under, which 
never can be imputable to fo gracious a prince ; if 
i'l fincerely abjure the pretender, and all Po- 
pish successors ; if I bear a due veneration to 
the glorious memory of the late King WILLIAM, 
irho preserved tliefe kingdoms from Popery and 
slavery, with the expenfe of his blood, and ha- 
zard of his life ; and laftly, if I am for a proper 
indulgence to all DifTenters, I think nothing more 
can be reafonably demanded of me as a Whig, 
and that my political catechifm is full and complete. 
But whoever, under the fhelter of that party- deno- 
mination, and of many great profeflions of loyal- 
ty, would deftroy, or undermine, or injure, the 
church eftablilhed ; I utterly difown him, and 
think he ought to chufe another name of difrinc- 
tion for himfelf and his adherents. I came into 
the caufe upon other principles, which by the grace 
of God I mean to preferve as long as I can live. Shall 
we juftify the accufarions of our adversaries? Hoc 

Ithatus velit. The Tories and Jacobites will 

behold us, with a malicious pleafure, determined 
upon the ruin of our friends. For is not the pre- 
fent let of bifhops almoft entirely of that number, 
as well as a great majority 'of the principal clergy ? 
And a ihort time will reduce the "whole by vacan- 
cies upon death. 

An impartial reader, if he plcafes to examine 
\ what I have already laid, will eaiily anfwer the bold 
queries in the pamphlet I mentioned ; he will be 
convinced, that the reafon ft ill ftrongly cxifts, for 
which that limiting law was enacted. A reafona- 
ble man will wonder, where can be the inlurlcrable 
grievance, that an eccleGaitical landlord mould ex- 
pect a moderate or a third part value in rent for 
his lands, when his title is at leail as ancient and as 
legal as that of a layman; who is yet but fcldom 
guilty of giving fuch beneficial bargains. Has the 
nation been thrown into cenfufion ? And have ma- 


ny poor families been ruined by rack-rents paid fc 
the lands of the church ? does the nation cry or. 
to have a law that muit in time fend their biihof 
a-begging ? But, God be thanked, the clamours c 
enemies to the church is not yet the cry, and 
hope will never prove the voice of the nation. Th 
clergy, I conceive, will hardly allow that the peopl 
maintain them, any more than in the fenfe that a 
landlords whatfoever are maintained by the people 
Such alTertions as thefe, and the infinuations the 
carry along with them, proceed from principle 
which cannot be avowed by thole who are for pre 
ferving the happy constitution in church and fcau 
Whoever were the propofers of iuch queries, it migr 
have provoked a bold writer to retaliate, perhap 
with more juftice than prudence, by Shewing 
whole door the grievance lies, and that the biinov 
at lead are not to aniwer for the poverty of tt 

To gratify this great reformer, who enlarges tb 
Epifcopal rent-roll almoft one half, let me fuppol 
that all die church-lands in the kingdom wer 
thrown up to the laity : would the tenants in fuc. 
a cafe fit eafier in their rents than they do now 
Or, would the money be equally fpent in th 
kingdom ? No ; the farmer would be fcrewed u 
to the utmoft penny by the agents and Stewards o 
abfentees, and the revenues employed in making 
figure at London ; to which city a full third par 
of the whole income of Ireland is annually return 
ed, to anfwer that Single article of maintenance fo: 
Irifh landlords. 

Another of his quarrels is againft pluralities anc 
non-refidence. As to the former, it is a word o: 
ill name, but not well under flood. The clerg) 
having been dripped of the greatest part of thai 
revenues, the glebes being generally loft, the tithe 
in the hands of laymen, the churches demolifhec 
and the country depopulated f in order to preferyl 

a face 


i face of chriftianity, it was necefiary to unite 
mall vicarages fufHcient to make a tolerable main- 
enance for a miniiter. The profit of ten or a doz- 
:n of thefe unions feldom amounts to above eighty 
>r an hundred pounds a-year. If there be a very 
ew dignitaries, whofe preferments are perhaps more 
table to this accufation, it is to be iuppofed, they 
iay be favourites of the time ; or peribns of luperior 
lerit, for whom there hath ever been fome indul- 
ence in all governments. 
As to non-reiidence, I believe there is no Chrif- 
\ ian country upon earth, where the clergy have lefs 
3 anfwer for upon that article. I ana confident 
mere are not ten clergymen in the kingdom, who, 
I roperly lpeaking, can be termed mn-rtfidents ; for 
irely we are not to reckon in that number thofe 
ho, for want of glebes are forced to retire to the 
:. eareft neighbouring village for a cabin to put their 
: eads in ; the leading man of the parifli, when he 
lakes the greateft clamour, being leaft difpofed to 
itcomodate the m'miiler with an acre of ground, 
md indeed, coniiderin^ the difficulties the clergy 
e under upon this head, it hath been frequent 
I latter of wonder to me, how they are able to per- 
prm that part of their duty fo well as they do. 
There is a * noble author, who hath lately ad- 
elied to the houfe of Commons an excellent dif- 
urfe for the encouragement of agriculture ; full of 
oft ufeful hints, which, I hope, that honourable 
embly will confider as they deferve. I am not a 
anger to his Lordfhip ; and excepting in what 
lates to the church, there are few perfons with 
ofe opinions I am better pleafed to agree ; and 
therefore grieved when I find him charging the 
onveniencies in the payment of tithes upon the 
rgy and their proctors. His Lordfhip is above 
nlidering a very known and vulgar truth, that 


* The late Lord RfofefWrth. 

Vol. IV. P the 


the meanett farmer hath all manner of ad- 
vantages againft the moil powerful clergymen, 
by whom it is impoflible he can be wronged, 
although the minifter were ever fo evil difpofed ; 
the whole fyftem of teizing, perplexing, and de- 
fraucling the proctor, or his matter, being as well 
known to every ploughman, as the reaping or low- 
ing of his corn, and much more artfully practifed. 
Beiides, the leading man in the parilh mutt have 
his tithes at his own rate, which is hardly ever a 
bove one quarter of the value. And I have 
heard it computed by many fkilful obfervers, whofe 
interett was not concerned, that the clergy did not 
receive throughout the kingdom one half of what 
the laws have made their due. 

\s to his Lordihip's difcontent againtt the bi- 
{hops court, I ihall not interpoie farther than ir 
venturing my private opinion, that the clergy woulc 
\cry glad to recover their juft dues by a more 
.hort, deciiive, and compullive method, than fuel 
a cramped and limited jurisdiction will allow. 

His LordOiip is not the only perfon difpofed tc 
g] ire the clergy the honour of being the fole en- 
eouragers of all new improvements. If hops, hemp, 
flax, and twenty things more are to be planted, tht 
clergy alone. mutt reward the induftrious farmer by 
abatement. of the tithe. What if tbefOwner of nim 
parts in ten would pleale to abate proportionably in 
his rent, for every acre thus improved? Would not 
a man juft dropt from .the clouds, upon a full 
hearing, judge the demand to be at leatt as rea- 
sonable ? 

I believe no. man will difpute his Lordmip's title 
to his eitate ; nor will I the /':/; divinum of tithes, 
which he mentions with fome emotion. I fuppofe 
the affirmative would, be of little advantage to the 
.clergy, for the fame reafon that a maetirn in law 
hath more weight in the world than an article or; 
faith. And vet I think there .mav be fuch a thing 



as facrilege ; becaufe it is frequently mentioned by 
Greek and Roman authors, as well as defcribed in 
holy writ. This I am lure of, that his LordfKip 
would at anv time excufe a Parliament for not con- 
cerning itfelf in his properties without his own con- 
fen t. 

The obfervations I have made upon his I.ord- 
(liip's difcourfe, have not, I confefs, been altoge- 
ther proper to my fubject : however, .imce he 
Iiath been pleafed therein to offer fome propofals 
;o the houfe of Commons with relation to the cla- 
ry, I hope he will excufe me for differing from 
jiim : which proceeds, from his own principle, the 
jleHre of defending liberty and property, that he 
lath fo ftrenuouirv and conftanihy maintained. 

But the other writer openly declares for a law 

Impowering the bifhops to fet fee-farms; and fay, 

r Whoever intimates,v that they will deny their 

y confent to fuch a reasonable law, which the 

y whole nation cries for, are enemies to them and 

' the church." Whether this be his real opinion, 

;)r only a ftrain of mirth and irony, the matter is not 

piuch. However, my- fe mi meats are fo directly 

Contrary. to his* that, J thinl: v whoever impartially 

reads and confiders what I have<written upon tliis 

usgument, hath either no regard for the church e- 

iablimed under the hierarchv of bifhops. or will 

lever confent to any law that ihali repeal or elude 

he limiting claufe relating to the real half-value, 

jontained in the act of parliament decimo Caro.'i, 

t for the preservation . of the inheritance, rights* 

f and profits of lands belonging to the church 

rand penons eccleiiaftical ;V which was ground* 

d upon reaibns, that do ftiil and nfuit for eve? 


October 21. 

x I " 3 

P 2 The 

C 1-2 ] 

The Presbyterians Plea of Merit, in order 
to takeoff the TEST, impartially exa- 

"Written in the year 1731 


T E have been told in the common news* 
papers, that all attempts are to be mad< 
this feiiloii by the Prefbyterians and their abettor, 
for taking off the teft ; as a kind of preparatory 
ftep to make it go downfmoother in England. Fo: 
if once their light would Jo /bine, the Papifts de 
lighted with the blaze would all come in and danc< 
about it. This I take to be a prudent method 
like that of a difcreet phyfician, who firft gives < 
new medicine to a dog, before he prefcribes it to s 
human creature f . 


* See a letter en this futjec"r, p. 132. of this volume; which wa 
reprinted in Ireland on the fame occafion that produced this anc 
the fhree following tracts. 

f The author begins this tract in the true veiitof wit and fpirir. 

bv faying, " We have been told in the. common news-papeMj 

" that all attempts are to be made this fefiion by the Piefbyterian; 
" and their abettors for taking off the reft j as a kind oi' preparatory 
" ftep to make it go down fmoother in England. For if once the'v\ 
light would fi /bine, the Papifts delighted with the blaze would 
44 ail come in and dance about it. This I take to be a prudent me- J 
" thoi ; like that of a difcreet phyfician, who firft gives a new irn-1 

" dicine to a dog, before he prefcribes it to a human creature. 1 ' -8 

3 have quoted this fhort paflage for ihe ftyle, as well as the matter ;1 
and I dare fay, even from hence you will be confirmed in one gene- 
ral obfervation, that Swift maintains and conducts his metaphors and' 
Silufions, with a juflnefs particularly delicate and exaft, and without! 



The Prefbyterians have, ever fince the revolu- 
tion, directed their learned cafuifts to employ their 
pens on this iubject, by shewing the merits and 
pretentions upon which they claim this juftice, as 

founded upon the fen-ices they did towards the re- 
storation of King Charks II. and at the revolution 
raider the Prince of Orange. Which pleas I take- 
o be the moft fmgular in their kind, that ever 
vere offered in the face of the fun, againft the moil 
daring lights of truth, and againft- a continuation 
>f public facts known to all Europe for twenty 
cars together. I fhall therefore impartially exa-*" 
nine the merits and conduct of the Prefbyterians 
pon thofe two great extms, and the pretentions 
) favour which they challenge upon them. . 

Soon after the reformat : on of the church in Eftg- i 
Hid under Edward VI. upon Queen Mary's fuc- 
eeding to the. crown (who reftored Popery), many 
roteltants fled out' of England to efcape the 
erlecution railed againft the church, as her bro- 
ler had left it cftabliihed. Some of thefe exiles 
pent to Geneva; which city had received the doc- 
line of Calvin, and rejected the government of hi- 
lltops ; with many other refi fsemefitt. . Tiiefe Eng- 
Ih exiles readily embrace! the Geneva rvftem ; 
Ipd having added further improvements of their 
vn, upon Queen Mary's death returned to Er ** 
Kid; where they preached up their -new opinions, 
weighing bitterly againft Epifcopacy, and all rites 
IUI ceremonies, however innocent and ancient iu 
e church : building upon this foundation, to run 
4 far as poflible from Popery even in the moil mi- 
Jte and indifferent circumftances.- This faction 

t ler.ft ftiffnefsor Efieftation. I have (ormtrff mentioned m what- 
ree and * afrcd he held the D .Hentery, efpecwllv lie 
Kbyu-riar.s [a!-c.,v, r . ,33.] j , nd I dee d only ac.d, that as' this 
pip..Ln wax v.i tten for v e meridian of Freland, it ought U hat 

bn pl.sccd'i the ether tracts on the -lame fuhjtft, Orrery. . 

AJ lo i; is placed in this cditi n. 

* 3 * in k% 



under the name of Puritan, became very turbulent 
during the whole reign of Queen Elifabeth, and 
were always difcouraged by that wife Queen, as 
well as by her two fucceflbrs. However, their num- 
bers as well as their infolence and perverfenefs fc 
far increafed, that foon after the death of Kim 
James I. many inftances of their petulancy anc 
fcurrility are to be feen in their pamphlets writter 
for fome years after (which was a trade they be 
gan in the days of Queen Elizabeth), particular!; 
with great rancour againft the bifhops, the habits 
and the ceremonies : fuch were thofe fcur 
rilous* libels under the title of Martin Mar 
prelate, and feveral others. And although theEai 
of Clarendon tells us, until the year 1 640 (as I re 
member) the kingdom was in a ftate of perfei 
peace and happinefs, without the leaft appearanc 
of thought or deiign towards making any altera 
tions in religion or government ; yet I have foun 
by often rummaging for old books in Little Britai 
and Ducklane, a great number of pamphlets prim 
ed from the year 1630 to 1640, full of as bold an 
impious railing expreflions againft the lawful powe 
of the crown, and the order of bifhops, as eve 
were uttered during the rebellion or the whole fut 
fequent tyrrany of that fanatic anarchy. Howevei 
I find it manifeft, that Puritanifm did not erect ii 
felf into a new feparate fpecies of religion till forr 
time after the rebellion began. For in the latte 
times of King James I. and the former part of h 
ion, there were feveral Puritan bifhops, and man 
Puritan private clergymen ; while people went as the 
inclinations led them to hear preachers of each pari 
in the parifh churches ; for the Puritan clergy ha 
received Epifcopal orders as we 11 as the reft. But foo 
after the rebellion broke out, the term Puritan gn 
dually dropt, and that of Prefbyterian fucceeded 
which feet was in two or three vears eftablifhed i 


all its forms, by what they called an ordinance c 



the Lords and Commons, without confultlng the 
King, who was then at war againft his rebels. And 
from this period- the church continued under perfe- 
ction, until monarchy was reftored in the year 

In a year or two after we began to hear of a new 
1 party rifen, and growing in the parliament as well 
as the army, under the name of Independent: it 
fpread indeed fomewh'at more in the latter ; but 
not equal with the Prefbyterians either in weight 
or number, until the very time the King was 

When the King, who was then a prifoner in the 

ifle of Wight, had made his kit conceflions for a 

peace to the ccmmiliioners of the parliament, who 

attended him there ; upon their return to London, 

i thev reported his Maieftv's anfwer in the houfe. 

Whereupon a number of moderate members, who, 

ss Ludlow fays, had fecured their own terms with 

that prince, managed with fo much art as to obtain 

a majority in a thin houfe, for pairing a vote, that 

the King"s conccff.ons zuere a ground for a future fei- 

tlement. But the great officers of the army, join- 

ling with the difcontented members, came to a refo- 

llution of excluding ail thofe who had confentcd to 

that vote; which they executed in a military way. 

Ilreton told Fairfax the general, arigidPrefbyterian, 

J of this refolution ; who thereupon iilued his orders 

I for drawing out the army the next morning, and 

I placing guards in Weftminiter-hall, the court of 

Hrequeits. and the lobby ; who, in obedience to the 

[General, in conjunction with thofe members who 

I had oppofed the vote, would let no member enter 
the houfe except thofe of their own parry. Upon 

II which the queftion for bringing the King to juftice 
\\ was immediately put, and carried without oppoli- 
j tio -' that I can find. Then an order was made for 

his ti ial ; the time and place "ted ; the judges 

I named, of whom Fairfax hit was one ; altho' 



by .the advice or threats of his wife he declined fit- 
ting among them. However, by-frefh orders under 
his own hand, which I have Cccn in print, he ap- 
pointed guards to attend the judges at the trial, and. 
to keep the city in quiet ; as he did likewife to pre- 
vent any opposition from the people upon the day of 

From what I have already deduced it appears ma- 
nifest, that the differences between thofe two feels, 
Prefbyterian and Independent, did not then amount 
to half fo much as what there is between a Whig and. 
Tory at prefent among us. The deiign of utterly 
extirpating monarchy and Epifcopacy was equally 
the fame in both : evidently the confequence of the 
very fame principles* upon which the Prefbyterians- 
alone began, continued, and would have ended in 
the fame events ; if towards the conclufion they.- 
had not been bearded by that new party, with whom 
they could not agree about dividing the fpoil. How- 
ever, they held a good ihare of civil and military*; 
employments during the whole time of the ufurpa-. 
tion ; and their names, actions, and preferments,. 
are frequent in the accounts of thofe times. For I . 
make no doubt, that all the prudent Prefbyterians 
complied in proper feafons, falling in with the 
ft* earn ; and thereby got that ihare in employments 
which many of them held to the reftoration ; andu! 
perhaps too many of them after. In the fame man- 
iniT we lind our wifeft Tories in both kingdoms,*., 
upon the change of hands and .meafures at the 
Qaieen's death, have endeavoured for feveral years-- 
by due compliances to recover the time they had loft'; 
by a temporary obftinacy ; wherein they have well i 
Succeeded, according; to their .degrees of merit; of 
whofe names I could here make honourable men- 
tion, if I did not fear it might offend their mode- 
fty. As to what is alledged, that fame of the Pref- 
byterians declared openly againft the King's mur- 
der; I allow it to be true. But from what motives 



No other can poffibly be affigned than perfect fpite, 
rage, and envy, to rind themfelves wormed out of 
all power by a new infant-fpawn of Independents 
sprung from their own bowels. It is true, the dif- 
ferences in religions tenets between them are very 
few and trifling ; the chief quarrel, as far as I re- 
member, relating to congregational and national 
aflemblies. But where-ever intereit or power think 
fit to. interfere, it little imports what principles the 
,3ppofite parties think fit to charge upon each other: 
for we fee at this day, that the Tories are more 
lated by the whole fet of zealous Whigs, than the 
/ery Papifts themfelves ; and in effect as much un- 
qualified for the fraalleft office : although both 
:hefc parties afTert themfelves to be of the fame re- 
jgion in all its branches of doctrine and difcipline ; 
md profefs the fame loyalty to the fame Proteftant 
8dng and his heirs. 

If the reader would know what became of this 
independent party, upon whom all the mifchief is 
:harged. by their Prefbyterian brethren, he may 
ileafe to obferve, that during the whole ufurpa- 
ion they contended by degrees with their parent 
eel, and, as I have already laid, fhared in employ- 
ments ; and gradually, after the reftoration, "min- 
ted with the mafs of Prefbyterians ; lying ever 
ince undiftinguifhed in the herd of Diffenters. 

The Prefbyterian merit is of as little weight, 
'vhen they alledge themfelves inftrumental towards 
he King's reftoration. The kingdom grew tired 
vith thofe ridiculous models of government ; firfr, 
>y a houfe of Lords and Commons without a King ; 
hen without Biihops ; afterwards by a Rump * 
nd Lords Temporal ; then by a Rump alone ; 
iext by a iingle perfon for life, in conjunction with 

* This name given to part of the houfe of Common*, 
rhich remained after the moderate men had been expelled by miii- 
llary forte. 



a Council ; by Agitators ; by Major-generals ; by 
a new kind of Reprefcntatives from the three king 
doms ; by the Keepers of the Liberties of Eng- 
land ; with other fchemes that have flipt out of 1113 
memory. Cromwell was dead ; his fon Richard, 1 
weak ignorant wretch, who gave up his monarch) 
much in the fame manner with the two ufurpint 
Kings of Brentford f ; the people harafTed wit! 
taxes and other oppreffions. The King's party 
then called the Cavaliers, began to recover then 
ipirits. The few nobility icattered through th< 
kingdom, who lived in a mo ft retired manner, oi> 
ferving the confufion of things, could no longej 
endure to be ridden by bakers, coolers, brewers 
and the like, at the head of armies, and plundering 
every where like French dragoons. The Rump af 
femblv grew defpicable to thofe who had raifec i 
them : the city of London exhaufted by almof ! 
twenty years contributing to their own ruin, deck 
red again ft them. The Rump, after many death: 
and refurredtions, was in the moll contemptou: 
manner kicked out, and burnt in effigy. The ex- 1 
eluded members were let in : a free parliament call- h 
ed in as legal a manner as the times would allow;! 
and the King reftored. 

The fecond claim of Presbyterian merit is found* 
eJ upon their againft the dangerous defignj 
of King James II. while that prince was ufing all 
his endeavours to introduce Pcperv, which he o- 
penly profefTed upon his coming to the crown ; to' 
this they add their eminent fervices at the revoltbf 
tion under the Prince of Orange. 

Now, the quantum of Prefbyterian merit during 1 
the four years reign of that weak, bigotted, and 
ill-advifed prince, as well as at the time of the revor' 
Union, will eafily be computed by a recourfe to a 
great number cf hiltories, pamphlets, and public 

t In the Rchearfal. 



->Apers, printed in thole times, and fome afterwards ; 
slides the verbal teitimonies of many perfons yet 
dive, who are old enough to have known and ob- 
served the diifenters conduct in that critical pe- 

It is agreed., that upon King Charles II. 's death, 
oon after his fuccelTor had publickly owned him- 
elf a Roman Catholic, he began with his firft ca- 
effes to the church-party; from whom having re- 
ieived eery cold difcouraging anfwers, he applied 
the Prefbvt^rian leaders and teachers ; being ad- 
lifed by his priefts and Popiih courtiers, that the 
jifeit methods towards introducing his -own reli- 
lion would be by taking off the facramental teft, 
ind giving a full liberty of confeience to all reli- 
lions, (I fuppole that profefTed Chriftianity.) It 
j:ems that the Prefbyterians in the latter years of 
Ling Charles II. upon account of certain plots 
allowed by Bifliop Burnet to be genuine) had been 
bf a mort time forbid to hold their conventicles. 
jVhereupon thefe charitable Chriftians, out of per- 
:cl refentment againil: the church, received the 
Spacious offers of King James with the ftrongeft 
irofeiiions of loyalty, and higheft acknowledge- 
ments for his favour. I have feen feveral of their 
id reffes, full of thanks and praifes, with bitter 
miinuations of what they had fuffered ; putting 
Ijiemielves and the Papifts upon the fame foot, as 
-Hlow-fufferers "for confeience ; and with the ftyle 
k our brethren the Roman Catholics. About this 
(pie began the project of clofeting, (which hath 
Ijnce been prac tiled many times with more art and 
iccefs), where the principal gentlemen of theking- 
pm were privately chatechiled by his Majeffy, to 
low, whether, if a new parliament were called, 
ley would agree to pafs an act for repealing the fa- 
r'-amental teft, and eftablilhing a general libertv of 
onicience. But he received fo little encourage- 
ment, that defpairing of iue-cefs, he had recourfe 



to his difpenfing power, which the judges had d 
termined to be part of his prerogative. By colou; 
of this determination he preferred feveral Prefbyte 
Hans, and many Papifts, to civil and military em 
ployments. While the King was thus bufied, it ii 
well known that Manner Fagel, the Dutch envojj 
in London, delivered the opinion of the Princ< 
and Princefs of Orange, concerning the repea 
of the teft ; whereof the King had fent an accoun 
to their HighnefTes, to know how far they approvec 
of it. The fubftance of their anfwer, as reportec 
by Fagel, was this, " That their HighnefTes though 
*' very well of a liberty of confeience ; but by nc 
" means of giving employments to any other per 
" fons than thole who were of the national church.' 
This opinion was confirmed by feveral reafons : 
cannot be more particular, not having the paper b] 
me, although it hath been printed in many account: 
of thofe times. And thus much every moderajj 
churchman would perhaps fubmit to : but to truf 
any part of the civil power in the hands of thofe 
whole intereft, inclination, confeience, and formei 
practices have been wholly turned to introduce a 
different ivftem of religion and Government, hath 
very few examples in any Chriftian ffcate ; nor any 
at all in Holland, the great patronefs of univerfa! 

Upon the firfi: intelligence King Tames received 
of an intended invaiion by the Prince of Orange, 
among great numbers of Papifts to increase his 
troops, he gave commiliions to feveral Prefbyterians; 
fome of whom had been officers under the Ru?np; 
and particularly he placed one Pvichards, a noted 
Prefbyterian, at the head of a regiment, who had 
been governor of Wexford in Cromwell's time, and 
is often mentioned bv Ludlow in his memoirs. This 
regiment was railed in England againft the Prince i 
of Orange : the Colonel made his fon a captain,, 
whom I knew, and who was as zealous a Preibytc- , 



rian as his father. However, at the time of the 

Prince's landing, the father, eafily forefeeing how 

things would go, went over, like many others, to 

die Prince, who continued him in his regiment; 

but coming over a year or two after, to affift in 

die liege of Derry, he behaved himfelf fo like ei- 

i :her a coward or a traitor, that his regiment was 

aken from him. 

I will now confider the conduct of the church-par - 

jy during the whole reign of that unfortunate King. 

irhey were fo unanimous againft promiling to pal's 
jm act for repealing the teft, and eitablifhing a ge- 
jieral liberty of confeience, that the King duritnot 
Iruft a parliament ; but encouraged by the profef- 
lions of loyalty given him by his Prefbyterian friends, 
vent on with his difpenfing power. 

The church-clergy at that time are allowed to 
|iave written the belt collection of tracts againft Po- 
pery, that ever appeared in England ; which are to 
his day in the higheft eiteem. But upon the ftrict- 
i ft inquiry, I could never hear of above one or 
!>wo papers publifhed by the Prefbyterians at that 
bime upon the fubject. Seven great prelates (he 
b'f Canterbury among the reft) were fent to the 
Lower for prefenting a petition, wherein they defir- 
lid to be excufedin not obeying an illegal command 
irom the King. The Bifhop of London, Dr.Comp- 
pn, was fummoned before the commiflioners for 
Rcclefiaftical affairs, for not fufpending Dr. Sharp 
mfterwards Bilhop of York) by the King's com- 
lliand. If the Prefbyterians exprefTed the fame zeal 
i pon any occafion, the initances of it are not, as 
can find, left upon record, or tranfmitted by tra- 
i ition. The proceedings againft Magdalen college 
III Oxford, for refufing to comply with the King's 
landate for admitting a profelTed Papift upon their 
Hmdation, are a ftanding proof of the courage 
id firmnefs in religion fhewn by that learned focie- 
r to the ruin of their fortunes. The Prefbyterians 
'Vol. IV. Q^ know 


know very well, that I could produce many more 
inftances of the fame kind. But thefe are enough 
in fo fhort a paper as I intend at prefent. 

It is indeed very true, that after King "William 
was fettled on the Britifh throne, the Prefbyterians 
began to appear, and offer their credentials, and 
demand favour : and the new King having been o- 
riginally bred a Calvinift, was defirous enough to 
make them eafy (if that would do it) by a legal to- 
leration ; although in his heart he never bore much 
affection to that feci: ; nor deiigned to favour them 
farther than as it flood with the prefent fcheme oi 
politics ; as I have long fince been allured by the 
greateff men of Whig principles at that time in 

It is likewife true, nor will it be denied, thai 
when the King was poffeffed of the EngHfh crown, 
and the remainder of the quarrel was left to be de- 
cided in this kingdom ; the Prefbyterians wilelj 
chofe to join with the Proteftant army, rather than 
with that of King James their old friena, whofe 
affairs were then in a manner defperate. They were 
wife enough to know, that this kingdom divided a- 
gainft. itfeif could never prevail againft the united 
power of England. They fought pro aris etfocisz 
for their eftates and religion ; which latter will ne- 
ver fuffer fo much by the church of England, as I h 
by that of Rome, where they are counted heretics m 
as well as we : and confequently they have no other 
game to play. But what merit they can build up- 
on having joined with a Proteftant army, under a 
King they acknowledged, to defend their own li- 
berties and properties againft aPopiih enemy under 
an abdicated King, is, I confefs, to me abfolutely 
inconceivable ; and, I believe, will equally be fo 
for ever to any reafonable man. 

When thefe fectaries were feveral years ago mak- 1 
ing the fame attempt for abolifhing the teft, many 
groundlefs reports were indultrioufly and feafon- 1 









, ably fpread of an invaflon threatened by the pre- 

kender on the north of Ireland. At which time 

the Prefbyterians in their pamphlets argued in a 

i menacing manner, that if the Pretender fhould in- 

iivade thofe parts of the kingdom where the num- 

ribers and eftates of the DifTenters chiefly lay, they 

would fit frill, and let us fight our own battles; 

fince they were to reap no advantage, which ever 

ade fhould be victors. If this were the courfe they 

3J mended to take in fuch a eafe, I delire to know, 

jfljiow they could contrive fafely to {land neuters, o- 

jijherwife than by a compact with the pretender and 

his army to fupport their neutrality r and protect 

Whem againft the forces of the crown ? This is a 

liecefTary fuppofition ; becaufe they muff otherwife 

mave inevitably been a prey to both. However, by 

I mis frank declaration they fufriciently fhewed their 

wood-will, and confirmed the common charge laid 

H.t their door, that a Scottifh or northern Prefby- 

Merian hates our Epifcopal eftablifhed church more 

[than Popery itfelf, And the reafon for this hatred 

3 natural enough ; becaufe it is the church alone 

that ftands in the way between them and power ; 

l/hich Popery doth not. 

Upon this occaiion I am in fome doubt, whether 

ae political fpreaders of thofe chimerical invaiions 

liade a judicious choice in fixing the northern parts 

If Ireland for that romantic enterprife. Nor can 

Bwell underftand the wifdom of the Prefbyterians 

^ii countenancing and confirming thofe reports ; 

iecaufe it feems to caft a moft infamous reneclion 

mpon the loyalty and religious principles of their 

hole body : for if there had been any truth in the 

latter, the conft quence muft have been allowed, 

lat the pretender counted upon more afliftance 

'om his father's friends the Presbyterians by chuf- 

ig to land in thofe very parts, where their number, 

fealth, and power, moft prevailed, rather than a- 

1 .ong thofe of his own religion. And therefore, 

IO 2 ill 


iii charity to this feci, I rather incline to believe, 
that thofe reports of an invafion were formed and 
fpread by the race of fmall politicians, in order to 
do a feafonable job. 

As to Popery in general, which for a thoufand 
years paft hath been introducing and multiplying 
corruptions both in doctrine and difcipline ; I look 
upon it to be the moil abfurd fyftem of Chriftianity 
profefTed by any nation. But I cannot apprehend 
this kingdom to be in much danger from it. The 
eftates of Papifts are very few ; crumbling into fmal] 
parcels, and daily diminishing ; their common peo* 
pie are funk in poverty, ignorance, and cowardice 5 
and of as little confequence as women and children, 
Their nobility and gentry are at leaft one half ruin- 
ed, banifhed, or converted : they all foundly fee] 
the fmart of what they furTered in the laft war ; 
i'ome of them are already retired into foreign coun 
tries ; others, as I am told, intend to follow them ; 
and the reft, I believe, to a man, who ftill pofTefj 
any lands, are abfolutely determined never to ha- 
zard them again for the fake of eftablifhing theii 
fuperftition. If it hath been thought fit, as fom< 
obferve, to abate of the law's rigour againft Pope- 
ry in this kingdom, I am confident it was done for 
very wife reafons, confidering the fituation of af- 
fairs abroad at different times, and the intereft of 
the Protectant religion in general. And as I do 
not find the leaft fault in this proceeding ; fo I do 
not conceive why a funk, difcarded party, who nei- 
ther expect nor defire any thing more than a quiet, 
life, mould, under the names of High-fliers, Jaco- 
bites, and many other vile appellations, be charged 
fo often in print, and at common tables, with en- 
deavouring to introduce poperty and the pretend- 
er ; while the Papifts abhor them above all men, on 
account of feverities againft their priefts, in her 
late Majefty's reign, when the now difbanded re- 
probate party was in power. This I was convinced 




of fome years ago by a long journey into the fou- 
thern parts ; where i had the curioiity to fend for 
many priefts of the parifhes I had paffed through, 
and to my great fatisfaction found them every 
where abounding in profeffions of loyalty to the 
late King George ; for which they gave me the rea- 
fons above mentioned ; at the fame time complain- 
ing bitterly of the hardfhips they fuffered under 
the Queen's laft miniftry. 

I return from this dioreffion to the medeft de~ 
mands of the Prefbyrerians for a repeal of the fa- 
crament;d teft, as a reward for their merits at the 
reftoration and the revolution ; which merits I have 
fairly reprefented, as well as my memory would al- 
low me. If I have committed any miftakes, they 
muft be of little moment. The facts and princi- 
pal circumftances are what I have obtained and di- 
gested from reading the hiftories of thofe times 
written by each party ; and many thousands have 
done the fame as well as I, who, I am fure, have in 
their minds drawn the fame conclusions. 

This is the fa&ion, and thefe the men who are 
now renaming their applications, and giving in their 
bills of merit to both kingdoms upon two points* 
which of all others they have the leaft pretentions 
:o offer. I have collected the facts with all poffible 
Impartiality, from the current hiftories of thofe 
imes ; and have fhewn, although very briefly, the 
radual proceedings of thefe fecraries, under the 
enominations of Puritans, Prefbyterians, and In- 
ependents, for about the fpace of an hundred and 
ighty years, from the beginning of Queen Eiifa- 
eth to this prefent time. But notwithstanding all 
tiat can be faid, thefe very fchifmatics (for fuch. 
hey are in temporals as well as fphituals) are now 
gain expecting, foliciting, and demanding, (not 
without inflnuated threats, according to their cuf- 
omj, that the parliament fhould fix them upon an 
iqual foot with the church eftabliihed. 1 would 

0^3 ^in 


fain know to what branch of the legiflature they- 
can have the forehead to apply. Not to my Lords 
the bifhops ; who muft have often read how the 
predeceflbrs of this very faction, acting upon the 
fame principles, drove the whole bench out of the 
houfe ; who were then, and hitherto continue, one 
of the three eftates : not to the temporal peers, the 
fecond of the three eftates, who muft have heard, 
that immediately after thofe rebellious fanatics had 


murdered their King, they voted a houfe of Lords 
to be ufelefs and dangerous, and would let them 
iit no longer, otherwife than when elected as Com- 
moners : not to the houfe of Commons ; who muft 
have heard, that in thofe fanatic times the Prefby- 
terian and Independent commanders in the army, 
by military power, expelled all the moderate men 
out of the houfe, and left a rump to govern the 
nation : laftly, not the crown ; which thofe very 
faints, deftined to rule the earth, trampled under 
their feet, and then in cold blood murdered the 
bleifed wearer. 

But the feffion now approaching, and a clan oi 
diftenting teachers being come up to town from 
their northern head-quarters, accompanied by ma* 
ny of their elders and agents, and (upported by a 
general contribution, to folicit their eftablilhment 
with a capacity of holding all military as well as ci- 
vil employments I think it high time that this pa- 
per mould fee the light. However, I cannot con- 
clude without freely conferring, that if the Prefby- 
terians fhould obtain their ends, I could not be for- 
ry to find them miftaken, in the point which they 
have moft at heart, by the repeal of the teft ; 1 
mean the benefit of employments. For, after all, 
what affurance can a Scottifh northern DhTenter. 
born on Irifh ground, have, that he Ihall be treat- 
ed with as much favour as a TRUE SCOT born 
beyond the Tweed ? 

I am 


I am ready enough to believe, that all I have faid 
ill avail but little. I have the common excufe of 
ther men, when I think myfelf bound by all reli- 
ious and civil ties to discharge my confcience, and 

warn my countrymen upon this important occa- 
on. It is true, the advocates for this fcherrie pro- 
liie a new world after this bleiTed work lhall be 
ompleted ; that all animolity and faction muft im- 
mediately drop ; that the only diftincl:ion in this 
ingdom will then be of Papiit and Proteftant : 
or as to Whig and Tory, High-church and Low- 
huich, Jacobite and Hanoverian, Court and 
Country party. Engliih and Irilh interelts, DifTent- 
;rs and Conformifts, New Light and Old Light, 
,Vnabaptift and Independent, Quaker and Muggle- 
onian ; they will all meet and jumble together 
nto a perfeci harmony at the feffions and affizes, 
n the bench and in the revenues, and, upon the 
r hole, in all civil and military trails, not except- 

g the great councils of the nation. For it is wife- 
y argued thus : That a kingdom being no more 
han a larger knot of friends met together, it is 
gainft the rules of good manners to mut anv per- 
bn out of the company, except the Papifts, who 
>rofefs themfelves of another club. 

I am at a lofs to know, what arts the Prefbyterian 
eel: intends to ufe in convincing the world of their 
oyalty to kingly goverment, which, (long before 
he prevalence, or even the birth of their Inde- 
pendent rivals), as foon as the king's forces were 
overcome, declared their principles to be againft 
monarchy, as well as Epifcopacy and the houfe of 
Lords, even until the King was reftored : at which 
event, although they were forced to fubmit to the 
prefent power, yet I have not heard, that they did 
ever to this day renounce any one principle, by 
which their predecefTors then acted ; yet this they 
have been challenged to do, or at leaft to ihew that 




others have done it for them, by a certain * Docfr 
who, as I am told, hath much employed his p 
in the like difputes. I own they will be ready 
nough to infinuate themfelves into any governmei 
but if they mean to be honeft and upright, th 
will and muft endeavour, bv all means which th 
mall think lawful, to introduce and eftablifh thi 
own fcheme of religion, as neareft approaching 
the word of God, by cafting out all iuperftitio 
ceremonies, ecclefiaftical titles, habits, diltmctioi 
and fuperiorities, as rags of Popery, in order tc 
thorough reformation ; and, as in charity boun 
to promote the falvation of their countrymen, wil 
ing with St. Paul, fi that the whole kingdom we 
" as they are." But what aiTurance will they pie? 
to give, that when their feci mall become the n 
tional eftabliihed worfhip, they will treat us Di 
senters as we have treated them? Was this tht 
courfe of proceeding during the dominion of tl 
faints ? Were not all the remainders of the Epifc 
pal church in thofe days, efpecially the clergy, u: 
der a perfecution for above a dozen years, equal 1 
that of the primitive Chriftians under Heathen en 
perors ? That this proceeding was fuitable to the 
principles, is known enough ; for many of the 
preachers then writ books exprefsly againft allov 
ing any liberty of confcience in a religion differer 
from their own ; producing many arguments t 
prove that opinion, and among the reft one fre 
quently infiitdd on ; that allowing fuch a libert 
would be to " eftablifh iniquity by a law*'." Man: 
of thefe writings are yet to be feen \ and, I hear 
have been quoted by the Doctor above men 

As to their great objection of proftituting tha 

* The late Dr. TifJel, who died June i 7 ;6. 

* See many handred quotations to prove this, in the trcuife called. 
Satcb Prabjtcr'ui:; Ehqxintjl* 



ioly inftitution, the blefTed facrament, by way of 
. teft before admittance into any employment ; I 
Ik, whether they would not be content to receive 
e " after their own manner" for the office of a 
pdge, for that of a commiflioner in the revenue, 
jor a regiment of horfe, or to be a Lord Juftice. 

believe they would fcruple it as little, as a long 
;race before and after dinner, which they can fay 
vithout bending a knee ; for, as I have been told, 
heir manner of taking bread and wine, in their 
jonventicles, is performed with little more folem- 
iiity than at their common meals. And therefore, 
ince they look upon our practice in receiving the 
jlements to be idolatrous, they neither can nor ought 
p confcience to allow us that liberty, otherwife 
han by connivance, and a bare toleration, like 
vhat is permitted to the Papifts. But left we fhould 
)ffend them, I am ready to change this teft for an- 
other ; although, I am afraid, that fanclified reafon 
s by no means the point where the difficulty pinches, 
md is only offered by pretended churchmen. ; as if 
hey could be content with our believing, that the 
jnpiety and profanation of making the facrament 

teft were the only objection. I therefore pro- 
>oie, that before the prefent law be repealed, ano- 
her may be enacted ; that no man (hall receive any 
:mployment before he fwears himfelf to be a true 
nember of the church of Ireland, in doctrine and 
lifcipline, <&c. and that he will never frequent or 
:crnmunicate with anv other form of worfhip. It 
hall likewife be further enacted, That whoever of- 
"ends, <&c. mail be lined five hundred pounds, im- 
briioned for a year and a day, and rendered inca- 
)able of all public truft for ever. Otherwife I do 
iniift, that thofe pious, indulgent, external profef- 
ttrs of our national religion lhall, either give up 
hat fallacious hypocritical reafon for taking off the 
eft, or freely confefs, that they defire to have a 
;ate wide open for every feet, without anv teft at 



all, except that of fwearing loyalty to the King 
which, however, confidering their principles witl 
regard to monarchy yet unrenounced, might, i 
they would pleafe to look deep enough into thei: 
own hearts, prove a more bitter teft than any othe: 
that the law hath yet invented. 

For, from the frrft time that thefe fectaries ap 
peared in the world, it hath been always found fr 
their whole proceedings, that they profefTed an ut 
ter hatred to kingly government. I can recoiled 
at prefent three civil eftablifhments, where Calvin 
ifts, and fome other reformers who rejected Epifco 
pacy, poffefs the fupreme power ; and thefe are ai 
republics ; I mean Holland, Geneva, and the re' 
formed Swifs cantons. I do not fay this in dimi- 
nution or difgrace to commonwealths ; wherein, ] 
confefs, I have much altered many opinions undei 
which I was educated, having been led by fome ob- 
fervation, long experience, and a thorough d defla- 
tion for the corruptions of mankind : infomuch 
that I am now juftly liable to the cenfure of Hobbes } 
who complains, that the youth of England imbibe 
ill opinions from reading the hiftories of ancient 
Greece and Rome, thofe renowned fcenes of liber- 
ty and every virtue. 

But as to monarchs, who muft be fuppofed well 
to fludy and underftand their own intereft ; they 
will beft confider, whether thofe people who in all 
their actions, preachings, and writings, have open- 
ly declared themfelves againlt regal power, are to 
be fafely placed in an equal degree of favour and 
truft with thofe who have been always found 
the true and only friends to the Englifh eftablifh- 
ment. From which confederation, I could have 
added one more article to my new teft, if I had 
thought it worth my time. 

I have been aflured, by fome perfons who were 
prefent, that feveral of thefe difTenting teachers, 
vipon their hrit arrival hither to folicit the repeal of 



lie teft, were pleafed to exprefs their gratitude, by 

ublicly drinking the healths of certain eminent 

atrons, whom they pretend to have found among 

s. If this be true, and that the left muft be de- 

vered up by the very fuperiors appointed to dc- 

:nd it, the affair is already in effect at an end. 

iVhat fecret reafons thofe patrons may have given 

>r fuch a return of brotherly love, I mail not in- 

:uire : " For, O my foul, come not thou into 

their fecret ; unto their ajfembly, mine honour, 

be not thou united. For in their anger they flew 

! a man, and in their felf-will they digged down a 

wall Curled be their anger, for it was fierce ; 

and their wrath, for it was cruel. I will divide 

.them in Jacob, and fcatter them in Ifrael." 



L 192 J 
$$* *& <$ $ $ $ 4* ****$ -$-4* $$ **^ $* 

The Advantages propcfed by repealing th( 
SACRAMENTAL TEST, impartially 

Written in the year 1732. 

"ITrHoever writes impartially upon this fubjeft 
* * muft do it not only as a mere fecular man 
but as one who is altogether indifferent to any par 
ticular fyftem of Chriftianity. And, I think, ii 
whatever country that religion predominates, ther 
is one certain form of worfhip and ceremony 
which is looked upon as the eitablifhed ; and con 
fequently, only the prierts of that particular fora 
are maintained at the public charge ; and all civi 
employments beftowed among thofe who compl; 
(at leaft outwardly) with the fame eitablifhment. 

This method is ftrictly obferved, even by on; 
neighbours the Dutch, who are confeffed to allov, 
the fuller! liberty of confeience of any Chriltiar, 
ft ate ; and yet are never known to admit any per,, 
fons into civil offices, who do not conform to the 
legal worfhip. As to their military men, they an 
indeed not fo fcrupulous ; being by the nature oi 
their government under a necerlity of hiring fo- 
reign troops of whatever religious denomination 
upon every great emergency, and maintaining nc, 
fmall number in time of peace. 

This caution therefore of making one eftablifhed 
faith icems to be univerfal, and founded upon the 
ftrongefr. reafons, the miftaken or affected zeal oi 
obMinacy and enthuiiafm having produced fuch a, 





lumber of horrible deftiuc~tive events throughout 
ill Chriftendom. For whoever begins to think the 
national worlhip is wrong in any important article 
pf practice or belief, will, if he be ferious, natu- 
ally have a zeal to make as many profclytes as he 
ran : and a nation may poffibly have an hundred 
lifferent feels with their leaders ; every one of 
i/hich hath an equal right to plead, that they mufl 
r obey God rather than man ; muft cry aloud and 
: fpare not ; mufi lift up their voice like a trum- 
: pet." 

This was the cafe of England during the fanatic 

lines. And againft all this there feems to be no 

efeiice, but that of fupporting one eftablifhed 

pirn of doctrine and difcipline ; leaving the reft to 

bare liberty of confeience, but without any main- 
pnance or encouragement from the public. 

Wherever this national religion grows fo cor- 
upt, or is thought to do fo by a very great majo- 
hty of landed people joined to the governing party, 
rhether prince or fenate, or both, it ought to be 
hanged ; provided the work might be done with- 
ut blood or confufion. Yet, whenever fuch a 
[fiange fliall be made, fome other eftablifhment 
jiuft fucceed, although for the worfe ; allowing all 
eviations, that would break the union, to be only 
iterated. In this fenfe, thofe who affirm that e- 
;ry law which is contrary to the law of God, is 
:>id in itfelf, feem to be miftaken ; for many laws 

Popilh kingdoms and ftates, many more among 
le Turks, and perhaps not a few in other conn- 
ies, are directly againft the divine laws ; and yet, 

od knows, are very far from being void in the 
secutive part. 

That, for inftance, if the three eftates of parlia- 

ent in England (whereof the Lords Spiritual, 
ho reprefent the church, are one) fhould agree 
bd obtain the royal alTent to aboliih Epiicopacy, 
>gether with the liturgy, and the whole frame of 

Vol. IV. ' Pv toe 



the Engliih church, as " burthenfome, danger 
ous, and contrary to holy fcriprure; and tha 
Prefbytery, Anabaptifm, Quakerifm, Indepcn 
dency, Muggletonianifm, Brownifm, Famiiilm, 
or any other fabdivided feet among us, Should b 
eifabliihed in its place: without queftion all peace 
able fubjects Ought paffively to fiibmit; and th 
predominant feet mult become the religion efta 
%lifhed ; ihe public maintaining no other teachers 
nor admitting any perfons of a different religion 
profeffion into civil offices, at leaft if their inten 
tion be to preferve the nation in peace. 

Suppofmg then, that the prefent fyflem of reli 
gion were abolifhed : and Prefbytery, which I fini 
'Hands the faireft, with its fynods and claffes, an' 
all its forms and ceremonies effential or circum 
itantial, were erected into the national worlhip 
their teachers, and no others, could have an; 
legal claim to be tranfported at the public charge 
whether by ftipends or tithes ; and only the reft 
the fame faith to be capable of civil employments. 
If there be any true reafoning in what I hav< 
laid down, it mould feem, that the project now ii 
agitation for repealing the teft-act, and yet leavinj 
the name of an eftablifhment to the prefent nation 
al church, is altogether inccnfiftent ; and may ad 
mit of confequences, which thofe who are the mofi 
indifferent to any religion at all, are poffibly not a 
ware of. 

I prefume whenever the teft mall be repealed, 
which obliges all men who enter into office under 
ihe crown, to receive the facrament according to 
the rites of the church of Ireland; the way to em- 
ployments will immediately be left open to all Dif 
fenters, (except Papifts) ; whofe confeiences can' 
fuf^er them to take the common oaths in fuch cafes' 
prescribed ; after which, they are qualified to iill 
an!y lay-ftation in this kingdom, from that. of chief j 

governor tc an exciseman. 



Thus, of the three judges on each bench the firfl 
nay be a Prefbyterian, the fecond a free-will Bap- 
ift, and the third a Churchman ; the Lord Chali- 
cllor may be an Independent ; the revenues may 
e managed by feven commiifioners of as many 
I ,iherent feels ; and the like of all other employ- 
lents : not to mention the itrong probability, that lawfulnefs of taking oaths may be revealed to 
me Quakers, who then will ftand upon as good a 
lot for preferment, as any other loyal fubjects, 
J is obvious to imagine, under fuch a motley ad- 
ijiniftration of affairs, what a claming there will 
a r of intereft and inclinations ; what pullings and 
jiawlings backwards and forwards ; what a zeal 
Kid bias in each religionift to advance his own tribe, 
id deprefs the others. For I fuppofe nothing - 
ill be readier granted, than that how indifferent 
ever moll men are in faith and morals, yet, whe- 
|er out of artifice, natural complexion, or love of 
ntradi&ion, none are more obilinate in main- 
lining their own opinions, and worrying all 
ho differ from them, than thofe who publicly 
Mew the leail fcn'~c either of reliaion or common" 

? As to the latter, Bifhop Burnet tells us, that 

e Prefbyterians, in the fanatic times, profeiied 

temfeives to be above mortality ; which as we find 

i lb me of their writings, was numbered among 

wp beggarly elements : And accordingly, at this 

y, no fcruples of confeience, with regard to con- 

rmity, are, in any trade or calling, inconfiftent 

%th the greateft fraud, opprefiion, perjury, or any 

mier vice. 

This brings to my memory a paffage in Men- - 
jgne, of a common proflitute, who, in the ftorm- 
of town, when a foldier came up to her cham- 
*, and offered violence to her chaflity, rather 
cofe to venture her neck, by leaping out of the 
ipdow, than fuffer a rape; yet full continued her j 

R 2 trade 


trade of lewdnefs, while flie had any cuftomenj 

I confefs, that, in my private judgment, an un- 
limited permiffion of nil feels whatsoever (excepil 
Papifts) to enjoy employments would be lefs per-I 
nicious to the public, than a fair ftruggle betweer.l 
two contenders; becaufe, in the former cafe, fuel] 
a jumble of principles might pofhbly have the effe 
of contrary poifons mingled together which affront 
conftitution might perhaps be able for fome tim< 
to furvive. 

But however I fhall take the other and mor< 
probable luppontion, that this battle for employ 
merits is to be fought only between the Prefbyteri 
ans, and thofe of the church yet eftablifhed. . 
fhall not enter into the merits of either ild< 
by examining, which of the two is the bet 
ter fpiritual ceconomy, or which is moil fuit 
ed to our civil conftitution ; but the queftioi 
turns upon this point ; when the Prefbyte 
rians fhall have got their fhare of employments 
(which muft be one full half, or elfe they cannoi 
look upon themfelves as fairly dealt with), I aik 
whether they ought not, by their own principles 
and by the ffrieteft rules of confeience, to ufe the 
utmoft of their fkill, power, and influence, in or- 
der to reduce the whole kingdom to an uniform 
in religion, both as to doctrine and difcipline moll 
agreeable to the word of God. Wherein, if they 
can fucceed without blood, (as under the prefent 
difpoiition of things is is very poiiible they may), it 
is to be hoped they will at laft be fatisfied : only 1 
would warn them of a few difficulties. The firft is, 
of compromiilng among themfelves that important 
controverfy about the old lig^t and the new ; which 
other- rife may, after this eftablimment, fplit them 
as wide as Papift and Proteftant, Whig and Tory, 
or Churchman and DiiTenter ; and confequently 
he work will be to begin again ; for in religious 






larrels it is of little moment, how few or fmall 
le differences arc; efpecialiy when the difpute is 
hjy about power. Tlius the zealous Prefbyterians 
J the North are more alienated from the eitablimcd 
brgy, than from the llomiih prieils ; taxing the 
Inner with idolatrous worihip, as diiguiied Pa- 
jjfls, Ceremony-mongers., and many other terms 
q art ; and this for a very powerful reaion ; be- 
i(ufe the clergy itaiul in their, way, which the Po- 
|(h priefts do not. Thus I am allured that the 
jharrtl between old and new light men is managed 

I o o 

Nth more rage and rancour, than any other dif-> 
jite of the higheft importance ; and this, becaufe 
jierves to leiien or increafe their feveral -congre- 
Itions, from whom they receive their contribu- 
Another difficulty, which may embarrafs the- 
efbyterians after their eitablifhment, will be, how 
adjuft their claim of the kirk's independency on 
civil power, with the confutation of this mo- 
.rchy : a point fo delicate, that it hath often fil- - 

the heads of great patriots with dangerous 
tions of the church-clergy without the leaft * 
lound of fufplcion;* 

As to the Prefbyterians allowing liberty of con-' 
lence to thofe of principles, when their 
In kirk mall be predominant ; their writers are fo- 
liverfally agreed in the negative, as well as their 
i&ice during Oliver Cromwell's reign, that I be-' 
Ive no reaib nable churchman (who muff, then be" 
t)hTenter) will expert it. 

ll mall here take notice, that in the divifidn; of 
Irployments among the Prefbyterians after this 
proaching repeal of the tcft-ac~t, fuppofmg them 

proper time to have .an equal fhare, the odds 
Bl be three or four to one on their fide in anv 
ther fcheirrs they mav have towards making their 
iigion national, For I reckon all thofe gentle- - 
In lent over from .England, whatever religion- 

K 3 the. 


they profefs, or have been educated in, to be c 
that party : fince it is no mark of prudence for an 
perfons to oppofe the current of a nation, wher 
they are in fome fort only fojourners ; unlefs the 
have it in direction. 

If there be any maxim in politics not to be cor 
trolled, it mufc be the following : that thofe whoi 
private intereft is united with the intereft of the: 
country, fuppoiing them to be of equal undei 
itanding with the reft of their neighbours, wi 
heartily wifh, that the nation mould thrive. Oi 
of thefe are indubitably excepted all perfons wh 
are fent from another kingdom to be employed i 
places of profit or power ; becaufe they cannc 
pofiibly bear any affection to the place where the 
ibjourn, even for life; their fole bufinefs being t 
advance themfelves by following the advice of the 
principals. I except likewife thofe perfons wh 
are taken into offices, although natives of the land 
becaufe they are greater gainers while they kee 
their offices, than they could pofiibly be by menc 
ing the miferable condition of their country. 

I except, thirdly, all hopers, who, by balancin 
accounts with themfelves. turn the fcale en th 
fame fide ; becaufe the ftrong expectation of 
.good certain falary will outweigh the lofs by ba< 
rents received, out of lands in moneylefs times. 

If my Lords the Bifhops, who, I hear, are no\ 
employed in a fcheme for regulating the conduc* 
and maintenance of the inferior clergy, fhall, ii 
their wifdom ad piety, and love of the church, con 
fent to this repeal of the teft, I have not the leal 
doubt, that the whole reverend body will chearful 
ly fubmit to their fpiritual fathers ; of whofe pa 
ternal tendernefs for their welfare thev have al 
ready found fo many arirAziuginftances. 

I am not therefore under the leaft coneern abou 
the clergy on this account. They will (for form 
time) be no great fufferers by this repeal ; becauf< 


I cannot recoiled! among all our feels any one that 
giveth latitude enough to take the oaths required 
at an inftitution to a church-living ; and untii that 
ibar ihall be removed, the prefent Epifcopal clergy 
are fafe for two years, Although it may be fome- 
what unequal, that in the northern parts, . where 
there may be three DiiTenters to one churchman, 
the whole revenue fhall be ingrofied by him who 
hath fo fmali a part of the cure. 

It is true indeed, that this difadvantage which 
ithe DiiTenters at prefent lie under, of a difability 
ito receive church-preferments will be eafily reme- 
died by the repeal of the teft. For the Diffenting 
teachers are under no incapacity of accepting civil 
(and military employments ; wherein they agree per- 
fectly with the Popifh clergy ; among whom great 
-icardinals and prelates have been commanders of 
Sarmies, chief minifters, knights of many orders, 
/ambaiTadors, fecretaries of ftate, and in moft high 
jofnc-s under tire crown ; although they aliert the 
indelible character, which no fec~taries among us 
fdid ever afliime. But that many, both Prefbyte- 
jiians and Independents, commanders as well as 
iprivate foldiers, were profefTed preachers in the 
;itime of their dominion, is allowed bv all. Cromwell 
ilhimfelf was a preacher ; and hath left us one of 
Ihis lermons in print, exactly in the fame ftyle and 
amanner with thofe of our modern Prefbyterian 
jteachers : fo was Colonel Howard, Sir George 
rlDowning, and feveral others, whofe names are on 
(record. I can therefore fee no reafon why a pain- 
ful Prefbyterian teacher, as focn as the tell lhall 
be repealed, may not be privileged to hold along 
with the fpiritual office and ftipend a commiffion 
in the army or the civil lift in commendam : for, as 
U take it, the church of England is the only body 
of Chriftians, which in efrec~t difoualifies thofe who 
iare employed to preach its doctrine, from iharing 
in the civil power, farther than as fenators ; yet 



this was a privilege begun in times of Popery, many! 
hundred years before the reformation, and woverlj 
with the very mttitution of our limited monarchy. 

There is indeed another method, whereby xht 
ftipends. of difTenting teachers may be railed, and 
the fanner much relieved ; if it mould be thoushi 
proper to reward a people fo deferving, and fo loy' 
al by their principles. Every bifliop, upon the va- 
cancy of a church-living, can fequeiler the profit; 
for the ufe of the next incumbent. Upon a lapf< 
of half a year, the donation falls to the archbilhop_ 
and after a full year to the crown during pleafure 
Therefore it would be no hardfhip for any clergy mar 
alive, if (in thofe parts of Ireland, where the num- 
ber of fectaries much exceeds that of the conform' 
ills) the profits, when fe que fee red, might be ap 
plied to the fupport of the difTenting teacher, whe 
hath fo many fouls to take care of: whereby the 
poor tenants would be much relieved in thofe hare 
times, and in a better condition to pay their rents. 

But there is another difficulty in this matter, a- 
gainft which a remedy doth not fo readily occur, 
For fuppoiing the teft-act repealed, and the DilTen- 
ters in confequence fully qualified for all fecular 
employments ; the queition may frill be put, whe- 
ther thofe of Ireland will be often the perfons oo 
whom they fhali be bellowed ; becaufe it is ima- 
gined, that there may be >* another feminary in 
view, more numerous and more needy, as well as 
more meriting, and more ealily contented with fuch 
low orlices ; which fome nearer neighbours hardly 
think it worth ftirring from the chimney-fides to 
obtain, And, I am told, it is the common practice 
of thofe who arefkilled in the management of bees, 
that when they fee a foreign fwarm at fome diftance, 
approaching with an intern ion to plunder their 
hives, thefe artifts have a trick to divert them into 

* Scotland. 



jme neighbouring apiary, there to make what ha> 

ock they pleafe. This I mould not have hinted, 

; r I had not known it already to have gotten ground 

' 1 many fufpecting heads; for it is the peculiar ta- 

j mt of this nation to fee dangers afar off: to all 

Jrhich I can only fay, that our native Prefbyterians 

ai iuft by pains"and induftry raife fuchafund of me- 

i^ -as will anfwer to a birth fix degrees more to the 

orth. If* they cannot arrive at this perfection, as 

jveral of the eftablifhed church have compafTed by 

idefatigable pains, I do not fee well how their af- 

?| iirs will much mend by repealing the teft : for to 

e qualified by law to accept an employment, and 

et to be difqualified in fact, as it will much increafe 

:* mCitiskaticn, fo it will withdraw the pity of 

lany among their wellwifhers, and -utterly deprive 

aem of that merit they have {q long made, of be- 

ig a loyal, true Proteftant people, perfecuted only 

or religion. 

If this happen to be their cafe, they muft wait 
maturity of time; until they can by prudent, gentle 
teps, make ttieir faith become the religion efta- 
lilhed in the nation ; after which, I do not in the 
baft doubt, that they will take the moft effectual 
lethods to fecure their power againft thofe who 
iuft then be DiiTenters in their turn ; whereof, if 
re may form a future opinion from prefent times, 
nd the difpoiitions of DhTenters, who love to make 
thorough reformation, the number and qualities 
. r ill be very inconfiderable. 

Thus I have, with the utmoft fincerity, after 
3ng thinking, given my judgment upon this ardu- 
ous affair ; but with the utmoft deference and fub- 
niffion to public wifdom and power. 


i 202 ] 

*m^*Wi ^m&*Hm^?ti &m 

QJJ E R I E S relating to the Sac r amen 

tal Test. 

Written in the year 1732% 

Query, T IT TTIether hatred and violence be 

VV tween parties in a ftatc be e 
more inflamed by different views of intereft, thai 
by the greater or leffer differences between them ei 
ther in religion or government ? 

Whether it be any part of the queftion at thi: 
time, Which of the two religions is worfe, Poper) 
or Fanaticifm ; or not rather, Which of the twe 
(having both the fame good will) is in the hopeful- 
left condition to ruin the church ? 

Whether the feclaries, whenever they come to 
pre v ah 1 , will not ruin the church as infallibly and 
effectually as rhe Papifts ? 

Whether the prevailing fectaries could allow li- 

-berty of confeience to Diffenters without belying all 

their former practice, and almoft ail their former 

writings ? 

Whether many hundred thoufand Scotch Pref- 
byterians are not full as virulent again ft the Epifco- 
pal church, as they are againft the Papifts ; or as 
they would have us think the Papifts are againft 
them ? 

Whether the Dutch, who are moft diftinguilhed 
for allowing liberty of confeience, do ever admit 
any perfons, who profefs a different fcheme of wor- 
ship from their own into civil employments, altho* 



hey may may be forced by the nature of their go- 
aentto receive mercenary troops of all religions? 

Whether the Diffenters ever pretended, until of 
l:ite years, to delire more than a bare toleration ? 

Whether, if it be true, what a forry pamphlc- 
;er aflerts, who lately writ for the teft, that the 
)iiTenters in this kingdom are equally numerous 
'ith the churchmen, it would not be a neceiiary 
pint of prudence by all proper and lawful means to 
prevent their further increafe ? 

The great argument given by thofe whom they 
all low churchmen, to juftify the large tolerations 
ilowed to Diilenters hath been, that by fuch in- 
ulgencies the rancour of thofe fectaries would gra- 
ually wear off, many of them would come over to 
s, and their parties in a little time crumble to no- 

Qiiery, Whether if what the above pamphleteer 
ifTerts, that the fectaries are equal in numbers with 
onformifb be true, it doth not clearly follow, that 

ofe repeated tolerations have operated directly 
^ntrary to what thofe low-church politicians pre- 

nded to forefee and expect ? 

Whether any clergyman, however dignified or 
ftinguifhed, if he think his own profeffion moft 
*reeable to holy fcripture and the primitive church, 
in really wifb in his heart, that all fectaries fhould 
2 upon an equal foot with the churchmen in the 
oint of civil power and employments ? 

Whether Epifcopacy, which is held by the church 

be a divine and apoftolical inftitution, be not a 
mdamental point of religion, particularly in that 
fential one of conferring holy orders ? 

Whether, by neceiiary confequences, the feveral 

pedients among the fectaries to conftitute their 
achers are not abfoluteiy null and void ? 

Whether the fectaries will ever agree to accept 
'dination only from biiLops ? 



Whether the bifhops and clergy will be conte 
to give up Epiicopacy, as a point indifferent, wit 
out which the church can well fubfift ?-' 

Whether that great tendernefs towards fechirit 
which nowfo much prevails, be chiefly Owing to tl 
fears of Popery, or to that fpirit of Atheiim, D 
ifm, Scepticifm, and univerfal immorality, whi 
all good men fo much lament ? 

Granting Popery to have many more errors 
religion than any one branch of the fecial ies, ] 
us examine the actions of both, as they have eai 
affected the peace of thefe kingdoms, with alloJ 
ance for the ihort time which the fectaries had to a 
in, who are in a manner but of yefterday. The P 
pifts in the time of King James II. ufed all endc 
vours to eftablifh their fuperftition, wherein th 
failed by the united power of Englifh church Prot 
ftants with the Prince of Orange's afliftance. B 
it cannot be afferted, that thefe bigotted Papilts h; 
the leaft defign to oppofe or murder their Kin 
irfiuch lefs to abolifh kingly government ; nor was 
their intereft or inclination to attempt either. 

On the other fide, the Puritans, who had almc 
from the beginning of Queen Elifabeth's reign be 
a perpetual thorn in the church's fide, joining wii 
the Scotch enthufiafts in the time of King Charles 
were the principal caufe of the Irifh rebellion at 
maffacre, by diftreffing that prince, and making 
impoffible for him to fend over timely fuccour 
And after that pious prince had fatisfied *his parli; 
ment in every fingle point to be complained of, tr. 
fame fectaries, by poifoning the minds and affei 
tions of the people with the moft falfe and wicke 
reprefentations of their King, were able, in th 
compafs of few years, to embroil the three natior 
in a bloody rebellion at the expenfe of many thoi 
fand lives ; to turn the kingly power into anarchy 
to murder their prince in the face of the world, an 



'in their own ftyle) to deftroy the church root and 

The account therefore ftands thus : The Papifts 
limed at one pernicious act, which was to deftroy 
:he Protectant religion ; wherein by God's mercy, 
..nd the afililance of our glorious King William, 
jlhey ablblutely failed. The fectaries attempted the 
hree moft infernal actions that could poffibly enter 
ptp the hearts of men foriaken by God ; which 
<. r ere, the murder of a moit pious king, the de- 
duction of the monarchy, and the extirpation of 
|ae church ; and fucceeded in them all. 

Upon which I put the following queries : Whe- 
lier any of thofe fectaries have ever yet in a folemn 
ublic manner renounced any one of thcfe prin- 
iples upon which their predeceilbrs then acted ? 

Whether, considering the cruel perfecutions of 
lie Epifcopal church during the courfe of that hor- 
d rebellion, and the coniequences of it until the 
appy reftoration, it is not manifeft, that the per- 
cutingfpirit lies lb equally divided between thePa- 
lts and the fectaries, that a feather would turn the 
Jance on either fide ? 

And therefore, laftly, Whether any perfon of 
>mmon underftanding, who profefTeth himielf a 
ember of the church cftablifhed, although perhaps 
ith little inward regard to any religion, (which is 
o often the cafe), if he loves the peace and well- 
re of his country, can after cool thinking rejoice 
ke a power placed again in the hands of fo reft- 
s, fo ambitious, and fo mercilefs a faction, to 
t over all the fame parts a fecond time ? 
Whether the candour of that expreffion fo f re- 
lent of late in fermons and pamphlets, of the 
engthand number of the Papijts in Ireland, can 
juftified ? for as to their number, however great, 
is always magnified in proportion to the zeal or 
litics of the fpeaker and writer ; but it is a grefs 
wpofmon upon common reafon to terrify us with 
WVoL.IV. S their 


their ftrength. For Popery, under the circum 
fiances it lies in this kingdom, although it be ofren 
fiveund inconvenient enough from the confequen 
ces it hath to increafe the rapine, floth, and igno 
ranee, as well as poverty of the natives, is not pro 
perly dangerous in that fenfe, as fome would hav 
us take it ; becaufe it is univerMy hated by e 
very party of a different religious profeffion. It i 
the contempt of the wife ; the bell topic for c 
mours of defigning men ; but the real error only o 
fools. The landed Popifh intereft in England fa 
exceeds that among us, even in proportion to th 
wealth and extent of each kingdom. The littl 
that remains here is daily dropping into Proteftar 
hands by purchafe or defcent : and that affecle 
complaint of counterfeit converts will fall with tbl 
cauie of it in half a generation, unlefs it be raife I 
or kept alive as a continual fund of merit and ek 
quence. The Papiits are wholly difarmed : the 
have neither courage, leaders, money, or inclin? 
tions, to rebel : they want every advantage whic 
they formerly poffefTed, to follow that trade ; an I 
wherein even with thofe advantages they always 
mifcarried : they appear very eafy and fatislied ur 
der that connivance, which they enjoyed during th 
whole laft reign ; nor ever fcrupled to reproach ar 
other party, under which they pretend to have ful 
fered fo much feverity. 

Upon thefe considerations, I muft confefs t 
have fufpended much of my pity towards the gres 
'dreaders of Popery ; many of whom appear to b 
hale, ftrong, active, young men ; who, as I ar 
told, eat, drink, and fleep heartily ; and are ver 
chearful (as they have exceeding good reafon) up 
on all other fubjects. However, I cannot to* 
much commend the generous concern which on 
neighbours, and others who come from the fam 
neighbourhood, are lb kind to exprefs forusupoi 
this account ; although the former be farther re 



noved from the clanger of Popery by twenty 
eagues of falt-water : but this, I fear, is a digrei- 

"When an artificial report was raifed here many 
;ears ago, of an intended invaiion by the pretend- 
r, (which blew over after it had done its office), 
he Diffenters argued in their talk and in their pam 
>hlets after this manner, applying themfclves to 
hofe of the church : Gentlemen, if the pretender 
iad landed, as the law now ftands, we durlt not 
j.ffift you ; and therefore, unlefs you take off the 
reft, whenever you mall happen to be invaded in 
hrnefc, if we are defired to take up arms in your 
jiefence, our anfwer fhall be, Pray, Gentlemen, 
jight your own battles ; we will lie by quietly ; con- 
jiuer your enemies by yourlelves, if you can ; we 
pill not do your drudgery. This way of realoning 
I have heard from feveral of their chiefs and abet- 
tors in an hundred converfations ; and have read 
j: in twenty pamphlets : and I am confident it will 
ie offered again, if the project mould fall to take 
'ff the teft. 

Upon which piece of oratory and reafoning I 
orm the following query. Whether, in cafe of an 
avaiion from the Pretender, (which is not quite fo 
' robable as from the Grand Signior) the Diffent- 
:rs can with prudence and fafety offer the fame 
Dlea ; except they fhall have made a previous ft> 
Bulation with the invaders ? A nd whether the full 
mreedom of their religion and trade, their lives, 
properties, wives, and children, are not, and have 
ot always been reckoned, iufficient motives for 
(Spelling invafions ; efpecially in our fectaries, who 
!all themfelves the trueft Proteftants, by virtue of 
[heir pretended or real fiercenefs againft Popery ? 

Whether omitting or neglecting to celebrate the 
ay of the martyrdom of the bleffed K. Charles I., 
uoined by act of parliament, can be jultly reckon - 

S 2 ett 


ed a particular and difHnguifhing mark of good af- 
fection to the prefent government. 

Whether in thofe churches where the faid day h 
obferved, it will fully anfwer the intent of the faic 
act, if the preacher fhall commend, excufe, pal- 
liate, or extenuate, the murder of that royal mar- 
tyr ; and place the guilt of that horrid rebellion 
with all its confequenccs, the following ufurpa- 
tions, the entire deflruction of the church, the 
cruel and continual perfecutions of thofe who coulc 
be difcovered to profefs its doctrines, with the en 
filing Babel of Fanaticifm, to the account of tha 
blefTed King, who, by granting the petition o. 
right, and palling every bill that could be aikecj 
for the fecurity of the fubject, had, by the confef 
fjon of thofe wicked men before the war began, lef 
them nothing more to demand ? 

Whether fuch a preacher as I have named 
(whereof there have been more than one, not ma 
ny years paft, even in the prefence of viceroys) 
who takes that courfe as a means for promotion 
may not be thought to ftep a little out of the com- 
mon road in a monarchy where the defcendents 
of that raoft blefTed martyr have reigned to this 
day ? 

I ground the reafon of making thefe queries on 
the title of the act: ; to which I refer the reader. 


C 209 ]. 


REASONS humbly offered to the Parlia- 
ment of Ireland, for repealing the SA- 
CRAMENTAL TEST, in favour of the 

Catholics *. 

"Written in the year 1732,. 

[T is well known, that the firft conquerors of 
* this kingdom were Englifh Catholics, fubjedts to 
i Englifh Catholic kings, from whom by their valour 
I and fuccefs they obtained large portions of land,' , 


* In the years 1732 and 1733, an attempt was mace for repealing. 
the te.t-acft in Ireland, introductory of a like a tempt in England. The 
various arguments for it were anfwered in every (nape ; but no way 
more effectually, than by examining what pretence the Presbyterians 
bad to (hare in all the privileges of government, ti. her from their own 
principles and behaviour, or compared with thofe of other feftaries. 
Under the former head they weie fuily fiienced by our author, in 
'* The PrefDyterians plea of merit impar laily examined" [above, p. 
172]. They are now put in thw balance with Papifts, whom although,' 
they have fometimes ityled their brethren in aaverdcy, yet, when 
placed in competition, thiry will hate as brethren likew fe. But let 
them here difpute the preference, and then put in their chim to be a 
part of the enablifhment. Dub edit. 1735. 

The author having before examined the Prefbyterians plea of me. 
rit, with refpect to their ownprirciples and practices, has in this tract : 
put them in t"e balance again ft Papifts. . 

This ruct is written under the afiumed character of a Reman Ca- 
thoH* \ by hich means the auhor attacks his adverfa'ries wiTh" a 
great advantage. He freeiy acknowledges thefevera! atrocious crimes 
of the Papifts; but at the fame time palliates- them ikilfully, that>' 
from that ve-y acknowledgme t, he enables hirafelf to aim the hea- 
vier blows at Prefbyteiiar.s A paragraph extracted f r< m the pam- 
phlet, v. ill examplify my meaning. [Here the particular p-ifTage is 
^uo;ed ; beginning thus, ' "vYe allow the Catholics to be brethren o 

S 3 the 



given them as a reward for their many victories j 
over the Irifh : to which merit our brethren the 
dhTenters of any denomination whatfoever have 
not the leaft pretenilons. 

It is conferred, that the pofterity of thofe firft 
victorious Catholics were often forced to rife in 
their own defence againft new colonies from Eng- 
land, who treated them like mere native lriih with 
innumerable opprefiions, depriving them of their 
lands, and driving them by force of arms into the 
moft defolate parts of the kingdom ; till in the 
next generation the children of thefe tyrants were 
ufed in the fame manner by new Englilh adven- 
turers, which practice continued for many centu- 
ries. But it is agreed on all hands, that no infur- 
recYions were ever made, except after great oppref- 
lions by frefh invaders. Whereas all the rebellions 
of Puritans, Prefbyterians, Independents, and o- 
ther fectaries, conftantly began before any provoca- 
tions were given, except that they were not fuffered 
to change the government in church and ftate, and 
feize both into their own hands ; which however 
at laft they did with the murder of their king, and 
of many thoufands of his beft fubjecls. 

The Catholics were always defenders of monar- 
chy, as conftituted in thefe kingdoms ; whereas 
our brethren the DhTenters were always republicans 
both in principle and practice. 

It is well known, that all the Catholics of thefe 
kingdoms, both priefts and laity, are true Whigs, 
in the beft and moft proper fenfe of the word ; 
bearing as well in their hearts, as in their outward 
profemon, an entire loyalty to the Royal Houfe of 
Hanover, in the perfon and pofterity of George II. 

tlie DilTer.?ers, ,, &e. p. 213. /. 36. ending p. 214 /. 23.]-The greateft 
art, and the keen eft itrokes of irony, difplay themfelves throughout 
the whole compofitio;* : and the conclufion of it is drawn up with a 
mixture f ferious and ironical arguments that feem to defy all kinds 
of refutation. Crery, _ 



.inft the pretender and all his adherents. To 
hich they think themfelves bound in gratitude as 
ell as confcience, by the lenity wherewith they 
.ve been treated fince the death of Queen Anne, 
different from what they iufYered in the four Lift 
ars of that princefs, during the adminiftration of 
at wicked minifter the had of Oxford. 
The Catholics of this kingdom humbly hope, 
!t3t they have at leaft as fair a title as any of their 
-other DhTenters to the appellation of Proteftants. 
hey have always protefted againft the felling, de- 
Toning, or murdering their" kings ; againft the 
urpations and avarice of the court of Rome ; 
;ainft Deinn, Atheifm, Socinianifm, Quakerifm, 
uggletonianifm, Fanaticifm, Brownifm, as well 
againft all Jews, Turks, Infidels, and Heretics. 
Whereas the title of Proteftants aflumed by the 
hole herd of DhTenters (except ourfelves) depend- 
|h entirely upon their protefting againft archbi- 
ops, bifhops, deans, and chapters, with their re- 
:nues ; and the whole hierarchy ; which are the 
17 expreffions ufed in the Solemn League and 
tenant *, where the word Popery is only men- 
)ned ad invidiam ; becaufe the Catholics agree 
th the Epifcopal church in thofe fundamentats. 
I Although the Catholics cannot deny, that in the 
feat rebellion againft King Charles I. more foldi- 
Is of their religion were in the parliament-army 
Ian in his Majefty's troops ; and that many Jefuits 
%.d Friers went about in the difguife of Prefbyte- 
iin and Independent minifters to preach up rebel- 
ln, as the beft hiftorians of thofe times inform 

* A folemn league and covenant entered into between the Scots 
jl Engiifh fanatics in the rebellion againft King Charles I. 1643, 
* which they folemnly engaged among other, things, to endea- 
'ar the extirpation of Prelacy, that is, church-government bv arch- 
hop?, biiheps, deans, archdeans, and ail other pifcop=l officers 
tending on that hierarchy," 




us; yet the bulk of Catholics in both kingdouJ 
prefer ved their loyalty entire. 

The Catholics have fome reafon to think it alii 
tie hard, when their enemies will not pleafe to c$ 
ltinguifh between the rebellious riot committed 1| 
that brutal ruffian Sir Phelim O Neal, with his 1 1 
multuous crew of rabble, and the forces raifed 2$ 
tervvards by the Catholic lords and gentlemen 
the En glim pale in defence of the King, after t] 
Englifli rebellion began. It is well known, th 
his Majefty's affairs were in great diftraction for 
time before, by an invafion of the covenantin 
Scottilh, kirk rebels, and by the bafe terms t 
King was forced to accept, that they might be ke< 
in quiet at a juncture when he was every ho 
threatened at home by that fanatic party, whii 
foon after fet all in a flame. And if the Catho 
army in Ireland fought for their King againft t 
forces lent over by the parliament, then in acti 
rebellion againft him, what perfon of loyal prin< 
pies can be fo partial, to deny that they did th( 
duty by joining with the Marquis of Ormond ai 
other commanders, who bore their commiilio. 
from the King ? for which great numbers of the 
loft their lives, and forfeited their eftates ; a gre 
part of the latter being now poffefTed by many d 
fcendents from thofe very men, who had dram 
their fwords in the fervice of that rebellious parities 
merit which cut off his head, and deftroyed mi[r 
narchy And what is more amazing, although tl 
fame perfons, when the Irifh were entirely fubdue<iri 
continued in power under the rump, were chiiim 
confidents, and faithful fubjects to Cromwell, yiN 
being wife encragh to forefee a reiteration, trier ; 
feized the forts and caftles here out of the hanelp 
of their old brethren in rebellion, for the fervic 
of the King ; juft faving the tide, and putting in | 
ftock of merit fufheient nor only to preferve th; 
land which the Catholics loft by their loyalty, br 



kewife to preferve their civil and military employ- 
lents, or be higher advanced. 

Thofe infurre&ions wherewith the Catholics are 
harged, from the beginning of the feventeenth 
lentury to the great Englifh rebellion, were occa- 
oned by many oppreflions they lay under. They 
iad no intention to introduce a new religion, but 
:j) enjoy the liberty of preferving the old ; the very 
ame which their ancestors profeiied from the time 
jiat Chriftianity was firft introduced into this 
land, which was by Catholics ; but whether min- 
ted with corruptions, as lome pretend, doth not 
idong to the queftion. They had no defign to 
iiange the government ; they never attempted 
I) fight againft, to imprifon, to betray, to fell, 
) bring to a trial, or to murder their king. The 
pkifmatics acted by a fpirit directly contrary ; 
ley united in a folemn league and covenant to al- 
ir the whole fyftem of fpiritual government efta- 
liilied in all Chriftian nations, and of apoftolic in- 
jitution ; concluding the tragedy with the murder 
the King in cold blood, and upon mature deli- 
oration ; at the fame time changing the monarchy 
kto a commonwealth. 

The Catholics of Ireland, in the great rebellion, 
jft their eftates for fighting in defence of their 
ing. The fchiimatics, who cut off the father's 
:ad, forced the fon to fly for his life, and over- 
trned the whole ancient frame of government, re- 
;ious and civil ; obtained grants of thofe very eftates 
dch the Catholics loft in defence of the ancient 
>nftitution, many of which eftates are at this day 
ifleffed by the pofterity of thofe fchifmatics : and 
Uus they gained by their rebellion, what the Ca- 
lolics loft by their loyalty. 

"We allow the Catholics to be brethren of the 
liflenters ; fome people indeed (which we cannot 
low) would have them to be our children, becaufe 
both diffent from the church eitabliihed, and 



both agree in abolifhing this perfecuting facramen 
tal teft ; by which negative difcouragement we ar< 
both rendered incapable of civil and military em 
ployments. However we cannot but wonder at th 
bold familiarity of thefe fchiimatics, in calling th 
members of the national church their brethren an< 
fellow Proteftants. It is true, that all thefe left 
(except the Catholics) are brethren to each othe 
in faction, ignorance, iniquity, perverfenefs, pride 
and (if we except the Quakers) in rebellion. Bu 
how the churchmen can be ftyled their fellow Pro 
teftant, we cannot comprehend : becaufe, whei 
the whole Babel of feclaries joined againit th 
church, the King, and the nobility for twentyyear 
in a match at foot-ball, where the proverl 
exprefsly tells us, that all are fellows; while th 
three kingdoms were tofTed to and fro, the church 
es, and cities, and royal palaces mattered to piece 
by their balls, their buffets, and their kicks ; th 
victors would allow no more fellows at foot 
ball ; but murdered, fequeftered, plundered, de 
prived, banifhed to the plantations, or inflaved, al 
their oppofers who had loft the game. 

It is faid the world is governed by opinion ; anc 
politicians aflure us, that all power is foundecl 
thereupon. Wherefore, as all human creature; 
are fond to diffraction of their own opinions, anc 
fo much the more, as thofe opinions are abfurd. 
ridiculous, or of little moment ; it muft follow, 
that they are equally fond of power But no opi- 
nions are maintained with fo much obftinacy as 
thofe in religion, efpecially by fuch zealots, who 
never bore the leaft regard to religion, confeience, 
honour, juitice, truth, mercy, or common mora- 
lity, farther than in outward appearance, under the 
malk of hypocrify, to promote their diabolical de- 
iigns. And therefore Bimop Burnet, one of their 
oracles, tells us honeftly, that the faints of thofe fa- 
natic times pronounced themfefves above morality; 




ivhich they reckoned among beggarly elements ; 
>ut the meaning of the two iaft words thus ap- 
plied we confers to be above ourunderitanding. 

Among thole kingdoms and ftates which firft 
embraced the reformation, England appears to have 
eceived it -in the moft regular way ; where it was 
ntroduced in a peaceable manner, by the fupreme 
>ower of a King * and the three eftates in parlia- 
ment ; to which, as the higheft legiflative authori- 
ty, all fubjecls are bound paffively to fubmit. Nei- 
her was there much biood-med on fo great a 
mange of religion. Rut a coniiderable number of 
Lords, and other perfons of quality through the 
pngdom, ftill continued in their old faith, and 
Icre, notwithftanding their difference in religion, 
mployed in offices civil as well as military, more 
>r lefs in every reign, until the teft-act in the time 
>f King Charles II. However, from the time of 
he reformation, the number of Catholics gradv.- 
Lllv and confiderablv leficned. So that in the reisn 
\ii King Charles I. England became in a great de- 
cree a Proteftant kingdom, without taking the fec- 
iaries into the number ; the legality whereof, with 
fefpect to human laws, the Catholics never difput- 
id ; but the Puritans, and other fchifmatics, with- 
out the leaft pretence to any fuch authority, by an 
bpen rebellion deftroyed that legal reformation, as 
re obferved before, murdered their King, and 
hanged the monarchy into a republic. It is there- 
ore not to be wondered at, if the Catholics, in fuch 
Babel of religions, chofe to adhere to their own 
aith left them by their anceftors, rather than feek 
or a better among a rabble of hypocritical, rebel- 
ous, deluding knaves, or deluded enthufiafts. 

We repeat once more, that if a national religion 
e changed by the fupreme legiflative power, we 
annot difpute the human legality of fuch a change. 

* Henry VHI. 



But we humbly conceive, that if any conflderabl 
party of men, which differs from an eftabliflimeD 
either old or new, can deferve liberty of confciena 
it ought to coniift of thofe who for want of con 
viction, or of right understanding of the merits o 
eachc mfe, conceive themfelves bound in conicienc 
to adhere to the religion of their anceftoi s ; becaui 
they are of all othf rs the leaft likely to be author 
of innovations, either in church or ftate. 

On the other fide, if the reformation of religio: 
be founded upon rebellion againft the king, with 
out whofe confent, by the nature of our conftitu 
tion, no law can pafs ; if this reformation be in 
troduced by only one of the three eftates, I mea: 
the commons, and not by one half even of thoi 
commons, and this by the affiTtance of a rebellion 
army ; again, if this reformation were carried o 
by the excluiion of nobles, both lay and fpiritua! 
(who conftitute the other part of the three eftates) 
by the murder of their King, and by the aboliih 
ing the whole fyitem of government ; the Catholic 
cannot fee why the fucceftbrs of thofe fchifmatics 
v ho are univerfally accufed by all parties excep 
themfelves, and a few infamous abettors, for flil 
retaining the fame principles in religion and go 
vernment, under which their predecefTors acted. |L 
ihould pretend to a better ihare of civil or military [j 
truft, proiit, and power, than the Catholics, who,| f 
during all that period of twenty years, were conti 
Dually perfecuted with the utmoif feverity, merely 
on account of their loyalty and conftant adherence 
to kingly power. 

We now come to thofe arguments for repealing 
the facramental teft, which equally affect the Ca- 
tholics, and their brethren the DirTenters. 

Fir/i, We agree with our fellow-diiTenters, that * 
" perfecution merely for confcience-fake is againit 

Fid, Reafons for the repeal of the facramental tefh 

" the 


' the genius of the gofpel." And fo likewife is 
: any law for depriving men of their natural and 
civil rights, which they claim as men." We are 
Ifo ready enough to allow, that <c the fmalleft ne- 
gative difcouragements for uniformity's lake are 
: fo many persecutions." Becaufe it cannot be de- 
'ied, that the fcratch of a pin is in fome degree a 
:al wound, as much as a ftib through the heart. 
1 like manner, an incapacity by law for any man 
1 be made a judge, 'a colonel, or julHce of the 
:ace. " merely on a point of confcience, is a ne- 
gative difcouragement," and confequently, a real 
Irfecution : for in this cafe, the author of the 
fimphlet quoted in the * margin puts a very perti- 
j-nr and powerful queftion : " If God be the fole 
I Lord of the confcience, why mould the rights 
J of confcience be fubjedt to human jurifdiclion ?" 
low to apply this to the Catholics : the belief of 
fcnfubftantiation " is a matter purely of religion 
land confcience, which doth not affect the politi- 
Ical intereft of fociety, as fuch : therefore, why 
Ifhould the rights of confcience, whereof God is 
I the fole Lord, be fubjedt to human jurifdiction ? 
'And v r hy mould God be deprived of this right over 
Catholic's confcience, any more than over that of 
ay other Diflenter. 

lAnd whereas another author among our brethren 
te DifTenters hath very juitly complained, that by 
Ms perfecuting teft-act great numbers of true Pro- 
ttants have been forced to leave the kingdom and 
I to the plantations, rather than ftay here branded 
l*.h an incapacity for civil and military cmploy- 
nnts ; we do affirm, that the Catholics can bring 
nnv more inftances of the fame kind ;' fome thou- 

r ' ... . 

fi ds of their religion having been forced by the fa- 
c: mental teft to retire into other countries, rather 
tl n live here under the incapacity of wearing 

Vtd. Rpfon? for the repeal of the i^cramentai U-ft. 

^gl.IV. T fwordsj 



fwords, fitting in parliament, and getting that fha 
of power and profit which belong to them as fi 
low Chriitians, whereof they are deprived mere 
upon account of confeience, which would not ; 
low them to take the facrament after the mann 
prefcribed in the liturgy. Hence it clearly follov 
in the ords o'i the fame author -\, That " if ] 
v ' Catholics are incapable of employments, we a 
*< punifhed for our dilTent ; that is, for our conf 
" ence, which wholly turns upon political con 
4< derations." 

The .Catholics are willing to acknowledge t 
King's fupremacy, whenever their brethren t 
Diffenters fliall pleafe to fhew them an example. 
Further, the Catholics, whenever their religi 
fhall come to be the national eltabliihed faith, ; 
willing to undergo the fame teft offered by the i 
thor already quoted. His words are thefe : "Toe 
4i this debate, by putting it upon a foot which I he 
ts will appear -to every impartial perfon a fair a 
equitatble one.: we Catholics propofe, with fi 
minion to the proper judges, that effectual fecu 
ty be taken againft perfecution, by obliging 
(i who are admitted into places of power and tru 
' whatever their religious . profeflion be, in t 
*- moil: folemn manner to difclaim perfecuti 
* principles." It is hoped the public will take r 
lice of thefe words; " whatever their religic 
<{ profeflion be;" which plainly include the ( 
tholics ; and for which we return thanks to our.jd 
fentlng brethren. 

And whereas it is objected by thofe of the efi 
bliihed church, that if the fchifmatics and fanat 
were once put into a capacity of poiTeffing civil ai 
military employments, they would never be at ea 
till they had; railed their own way of worihip in 
the national religion through all his MaienVs don 
iiions, equal with the true orthodox Scottilh kir) 

\ See Reafcns againft the teft. 


. * 










hich when they had once brought to par?, they* 
ould no more allow liberty of conicience to Epit- 
u>pal diffenters, than they did in the time cf the 
|*eat Englifh rebellion, and in the fncceeding fa- 
bric anarchy, till the King was reftored. There 
I another very learned ichiiniatical pamphleteeer*, 
no, in aniwer to a malignant libel, called, The 
yesbyier'wns plea of merit, &c. clearly wipes off'' 
lis afperiion, by alluring all Epifcopal Proteitants* 
the prelent church upon his own word, and to his 
Itrn knowledge, that our brethren the DiiTenters 
nil never offer at fuch an attempt. In like man- 
Ir the Catholics, when legally required, will openly 
jiclare upon their words and honours, that as foon 
their negative difcouragements and their perfe- 
tion ihali-be removed by repealing the facramen- 
: teft, they will leave it entirely to the merits of 
je caufe, whether the kingdom mall think fit to- 
like their faith the eftablifhed religion or not. 
And again, whereas our Presbyterian brethren- 
Jmany of their pamphlets take much offence, that 
Is great rebellion in England, tire murder of the 
lng, with the entire change of religion and go- 
mmem, are perpetually objected againft them both - 
and out of ieafon, by our common enemy the 
:ient Conformifts ; we do declare, in the defence 
our faid brethren, that the repioach- aforetaid 
m eld ujsrn-out tlrt-eadbdre cunt, whk h they alwavs' 
iained to aniwer : and F very well remember, 
it having once told a certain Conformift, how 
ich I wondered to hear him and his tribe dwel- 
perpetually on lo beaten a fubject ; he was plea- 
to divert the difcourfe withafoolifh ftory, which 
mnot forbear telling to his difgrace. He laid- 
J-re was a clergyman in Yorkihhe, who for fif- 
n years together preached evcrv Sundav aeainfV 
minkennels : whereat the parifhioners being much 

Vindication cf the Proteftart D (Tenters. 

T-2 offended, 



offended, complained to the Archbiihop ; who ha 
ving feat for the clergyman, and feverely repri 
manded him, theminifter had no better an anfwer 
than by conferring the fact; adding, that all thp 
parifh were drunkards ; that he defired to reclain 
them from one vice, before he would begin upoi 
another: and fine e they itill continued to be a 
>?reat drunkards as before, he refolved to go on 
except his Grace would pleafe to forbid him. 

We are very fenfible how heavy an accufatio: 
lieth upon the Catholics of Ireland ; that fome year 
before King Charles II. was reftored, when theii 
and the King's forces we: e entirely reduced, and th 
kingdom declared by the Rump to be fettled ; afte 
all his Majefty's generals were forced to fly t 
France, or other countries, the heads of the lai 
Catholics who remained here in an enflaved cond 
tion, joined to fend an invitation to the Duke c 
Lorrain ; engaging, upon his appearing here wit 
his forces, to deliver up the whole ifland to h 
pow r er, and declare him their fovereign ; which a: 
tej? the restoration was proved againft them byDea 
Boyle, lince Primate, who produced the very or: 
ginal inftrument at the board. The Catholics freel 
acknowledge the facl to be true : and at the fam 
time appeal to all the world, whether a wifer, 
better, a more honourable, or more juftifiable pro 
ject could have been thought of. They were then re 
duced to flavery and beggary by the Englifh rebels 
many thoufands of them murdered, the reft de 
prived of their eftates, and driven to live on a final 
pittance in the wilds of Connaught ; at a time whei 
either the Rump or Cromwell abfohitely govern 
ed the three kingdoms. And the queftion wil 
turn upon this, whether the Catholics, deprived o 
all their polTeffions, governed with a rod of hon| ( 
and in utter defpair of ever feeing the monarch] 
reftored, for the prefervation of which they ha( 
faffered fo much, were to be blamed for calling ir 





foreign prince of their own religion, who had a 
milder able army to fupport them, rather than, 
bmit to fo infamous an ufurper as Cromwell, or 
eh a bloody and ignominious conventicle as the 
ump ? And [ have often heard not only our friends 
e Diffenters, but even our common enemy the 
onformifts, who arc converfant in the hiitory of 
ofe times, freely confefs, that, considering the 
iferable lituation the Iriih were then in, they could 
)t have thought of a braver or more virtuous at- 
tnpt ; by which they might have been inftruments of 
ftoring the lawful monarch, at lealt to the reco- 
ry of England and Scotland, from thofe betray - 
, and fellers, and murderers of his royal fa- - 

To conclude, whereas the laft-quoted author 
mplains very heavily and frequently of a brand 
it lies upon them, it is a great miirake : for the 
t original brand hath been long taken off; on- 
we confefs the fear will probably remain, and be 
Kble for ever to thole who know the principles by 
ich they acted, and until thole principles fliall 
b openly renounced ; elfe it muft continue to all 
merations, like the mark fet upon Cain, which 
rnit authors fay defcended to all his pofterity ; or 
Me the Roman nofe and Aufbian lip, or like the 
g bag of fiefh hanging down from the gills of the 
pple in Piedmont. HBut as for any brands fixed 
khiimatics for feveral years part, they have been 
made with cold Iron' like thieves who by the 
foefit of the clergy are condemned to be only burned 
irhe hand ; but efcape the pain and the mai k by be- 
M in fee with the jailor. Which advantage the 
fcifmatical teachers will never want, who, as wc 
allured, and of which there is a very frefh in- 
wce, have the fouls, and bodies, and p- 1 f.:s of 
tftr people a hundred times more at their mercy, 
tha she Catholic priefts> could ever pretend to. 

T 3 Therefore, 


Therefore, upon the whole, the Catholics d 
humbly petition (without the leaft infinuation c 
threatening), that upon this favourable junctur 
their incapacity for civil and military employment 
may be wholly taken off, for the very fame reafor 
(befldes others more cogent) that are now offere 
by their brethren the Diffenters. 

And your petitioners, as in duty bound, lha 
ever pray, &c 

Dublin, Nov. 1733* 

In this controverfy the author was again victorious, for the t< 

v/as not repealed, 






dWfe ^)te^%W&l%%^&Mz& 

Some REASONS againft the RILL for 

fettling the tithe of Hemp, Flax, &c. 
by a modus *. 

HE clergy did little expect to have any caufe 
of complaint againft the prefent houfe of 
Commons ; who in the laft feffions were pleafed to 
[hrow out a bill \ fent them from the Lords, which 
hat Reverend body apprehended would be very in- 
urious to them, if it paiTed into a law ; and who 
In the prefent feflions defeated the arts and endea- 
vours of fchifmatics to repeal th : facramental teft. 
For although it hath been allowed on all hands, 
Ihat the former of thofe bills might by its necefTary 
kmfequences be very difplealing to the lay gentle- 
men of the kingdom for many reafons purely fecu- 
lar ; and that this laft attempt for repealing the teft 
[lid much more afFe<ft at prefent the temporal inter- 
1, than the fpiritual ; yet the whole body of the 
>wer clergy have, upon both thofe occafions, ex- 
Ted equal gratitude to that honourable houfe for 
teir juftice and fteadinefs, as if the clergy alone 
rere to receive the benefit. 

* Many eminent clergymen who oppofed this fcheme applied to 

>r. Swift to write againft it, which he readily confented to upon 

heir giving him fom.- hints ; and two days after, the following rea- 

>ns were prefented to feveral members of parliamentt which had fo 

Bood an effect that the bill was dropped. 

This pamphlet is entirely adapted te the clergy of Ireland. But I 
innot avoid obferving in it, a greater fund of cal'mnefs, not a lefs de- 
fee of fpirit, than in many other of Swift's political writings. Or- 

f For the bifhops to divide livings, 



It muft needs be therefore a great addition to the 
clergy's grief, that fuch an affembly as the prefent 
houfe of Commons fhould now, with an expedi- 
tion more than ufual, agree to a bill for encouraging 
the linen manufacture with a claufe, whereby the 
church is to lofe two parts in three of the legal 
tithe in flax and Kemp. 

Some reafbns why the clergy think fuch a law 
will be a great hardship upon them are, I conceive, 
thofe that follow. I fhall venture to enumerate 
them with all deference due to that honourable 

Fir ft r the clergy fappofe that they have not, by 
any fault or demerit, incurred the difpleaiure of 
the nation's reprefentatives ; neither can the declar- 
ed loyalty of the prefent fet, from the higheft pre- 
late to the loweiV vicar, be in the lead difputed ; 
becaufe there are hardly ten clergymen through 
the whole kingdom, for more than nineteen years 
pair, who have not been either preferred entirely 
upon account of their declared affection to the Ha- 
nover line, or higher promoted as the due reward 
of the fame merit. 

There is not a landlord in the whole kingdom 
rending fo me part of the year at his country-feat,, 
who is not in his own confcience fully convinced 
that the tithes of his minifter have gradually funk 
for fome years pait one third, or at leaft one fourth 
of their former value, exclufive of all non-fol* 

The payment of tithes in this kingdom is fubject 
to fo many frauds, brangles, and other difficulties, 
not only from Papifts and Diffenters, but even 
from thofe who profefs themfelves Proteftants, that 
by the expenfe, the trouble, and vexation of col- 
lecting or bargaining for them, they are of all o- 
ther rents the moft precarious, uncertain, and ill 



The landlords in moll parishes expect, as a com- 
pliment, that they fhould pay little more than half 
the valne of the tithes for the lands they hold in 
their own hands ; which often confift of large do- 
mains : and it is the minifter's intereft to make 
them eafy upon that article, when he coniiders 
what influence thoie gentlemen have upon their 

The clergy cannot but think it extremely fevere, 
that, in a bill for encouraging the linen manufac- 
ture they alone muft be the fufferers.' who can 
leaft afford it. If, as I am told, there be a tax of 
three thoufand pounds a-year paid by the public 
for a farther encouragement to the faid manufac- 
ture, are not the clergy equal fharers in the chirge 
with the reft of their feiiow-lubjects ? what fatif- 
Ifaclory reafon can be therefore given why they alone 
mould bear the whole additional weight, unleis it will 
be alledged that their property is not upon an equal 
foot with the properties of other men. They ac- 
quire their own finall pittance by at leaft as honeft 
means as their neighbours the landlords poflefs 
their eftates ; and have been always fuppofed, ex- 
cept in rebellious or fanatical times, to have as good 
a title ; for no families now in being can fhew a 
more ancient. Indeed, if it be true that fome 
perfors (I hope they were not many) were feen to 
augh when the rights of the clergy were men- 
rioned ; in this cafe an opinion may poffibly be 
oon advanced, that they have no rights at all. 
And this is likely enough to gain ground, in pro- 
portion as the contempt of all religion fhall in- 
:reafe, which is already in a very forward way. 

It is faid, there will be alfo added in this bill a 

:laufe for diminifhing the tithe of hops, in order to 

ultivate that ufeful plant among us; and here like- 

wife the load is to lie entirely on the fhoulders of 

:he clergy, while the landlords reap all the benefit. 

t will not be eafy to forefee where ilich, proceedings 



are like to flop : or whether by the fame authority, 
in civil times, a parliament may not as juftly chal- 
lenge the fame power in reducing all things tithe-! 
able, not below the tenth part of the product- )whicb 
is and ever will be the clergy's equitable right) but 
from a tenth part to a fixtieth or eightieth, ane 
from thence to nothing. 

I have heard it granted by lkilful perfons, thai 
the practice of taxing the clergy by parliamem 
without their own confent is a new thing, noi 
much above the date of feventy years : befon 
which period, in times of peace, they always taxec 
themfelves. But things are extremely altered a 
prefent ; it is not now fufficient to tax them ii 
common with their feUow-fiibjects, without ins 
pofing an additional tax upon them, fron 
which, or from any thing equivalent, all theii 
fellovv-fubjects are exempt ; and this in a country 
pro fe fling Christianity. 

The greateft part of the clergy throughout th.ii 
kingdom have been ftripped of their glebes by th 
confufion of times, by violence, fraud, oppreflion 
and other unlawful means; all which glebes an 
now in the hands of the laity. So that they nov 
are generally forced to lie at the mercy of land 
lords for a fmall piece of ground in their parifhes 
at a moft exorbitant rent, and ufually for a fhor 
term of years, whereon to build a houfe, and en 
able them to reiide. Yet, in fpit~ of thefe difad 
vantages, I am a witnefs, that they are generall) 
more conftant refidents than their brethren in Eng 
land; where the meaner!: vicar hath a convenieni 
dwelling with a barn, a garden, and a field or twe 
for his cattle ; beiides the certainty of his little in 
come from honeft farmers, able and willing noi 
only to pay him his dues, but likewife to mak< 
him prefents according to their ability for his bet 
tcr fupport. In all which circumftances the cler 



gy of Ireland meet with a treatment directly con- 

It is hoped the Honourable houfe will confider, 
that it is impofiible for the mod: ill-minded, avari- 
cious, or cunning clergyman to do the leail injuf- 
tice to the meaneft cottager in his parifh, in any 
bargain for tithes, or other ecclefiaftical dues. He 
can, at the utmoft, only demand to have his tithe 
fairly laid out ; and does not once in a hundred 
times obtain his demand. But every tenant, from 
the pooreft cottager to the moft fubitantial farmer, 
can and generally doth impoie upon the minifter, by 
fraud, by theft, by lies, by perjuries, by infolence, 
and Sometimes by force ; notwithstanding the ut- 
moft vigilance and Ikill of himfelf and his proctor, 
Infomuch that it is allowed that the clergy in ge- 
neral receive little more than one half of their le- 
gal dues ; not including the -charges they are at in 
collecting or bargaining for them. 

The land-rents of Ireland are computed to about 
two millions, whereof one tenth amounts to two 
j hundred thoufand pounds. The beneficed clergy- 
men, excluding thofe of this city, are not rec-kon- 

ed to be above five hundred ; by which com- 
putation they mould, each of them poffefs two hun- 

'dred pounds a-year, if thofe tithes were equally 

divided, although in well-cultivated corn -countries 

. it ought to be more ; whereas they hardly receive 

I one half of that Sum, with great defalcations, and 

in very bad payments. There are indeed a few 
glebes in the north pretty considerable ; but if 
theSe and all the reft were in like manner equally 
divided, they would not add five pounds a-year to 
every clergyman. Therefore, whether the condi- 
tion of the clergy in general among us be juftly li- 
able to envy, or able to bear a heavy burden, which 
neither the nobility nor gentry, nor tradefmen, 
nor farmers, will touch with one of their fingers ; 
'this, I fav, is Submitted to the Honourable houfe. 




One terrible cirumftance in this bill is, that d 
turning the tithe of flax and hemp into what tin 
lawyers call a modus y or a certain fum in lieu of ; 
tenth part of the product. And by this practia 
-of claiming a modus in many by ancien 
cuftom, the clergy in both kingdoms have been al 
moil: incredible (offerers. Thus, in the prefen 
cafe, the tithe of a tolerable acre of flax, which b 1 
a medium is worth twelve millings, is by the pre 
fent bill reduced to four (hillings. Neither is thi 
the worft part in a modus ; every determinate fan 
muft, in procefs of time link from a fourth to : 
four and twentieth part, or a great deal lower 
by that neceflary fall attending the value of money 
which is now at leaft nine tenths lower all ove 
Europe than it was four hundred years ago, by 
gradual decline; and even a third part at leaf 
within our own memories in purchafing aim oft e 
very thing required for the necefrities or conveni 
encies of life : as any gentleman can atteft, wh< 
hath kept houfefor twenty years pair. And this wil 
equally affect poor countries as well as rich. For 
although I look upon it as an impoflibilitythat thi 
kingdom fhould ever thrive under its prefent dif 
advantages, which without a miracle muft ftill in 
creafe ; yet, when the whole carh of the natioi 
fhall fink to fifty thoufand pounds, we muft in al 
our traffic abroad either of import or export go b] 
the genera] rate, at which money is valued in thof< 
countries that enjoy the common privileges of hu 
mankind. For this reafon no corporation (if th< 
clergy may prefume to call themfelves one) fhouk 
by any means grant away their properties in per 
petuity upon any confederation whatfoever ; whicr 
is a rock that many corporations have fplit upon tc 
their great impoveriftiment, and fometimes to theii 
utter undoing : becaufe they are fuppofed to lubml 
for ever, and becaufe no determination of moneyp 
is of any certain perpetual iiurinflc value. This if 





mown enough in England, where eftates let for 
ver, lome hundred years ago, by feveral ancient 
loble families, do not at this prefent pay their 
ofterity a twentieth part of what they are now 
rorth at an eafy rent. 

A tax affecting one part of a nation, which al- 
,eady bears its full fhare in all parliamentary impo- 
tions, cannot poffibly be juft, except it be inflict- 
d as a punifhment upon that body of men, which 
; taxed for fome great demerit or danger to the 
ublic, apprehended from thofe upon whom it is 
lid : thus the Papifls and Nonjurors have been 
oubiy taxed, for refuling to give proper fecurkies 
) the government ; which cannot be objected a- 
jainft the clergy. And therefore if this bill fhould 
|ais, I think it ought to be with a preface, fhewing 
iherein they have offended, and for what difaffec- 
lon or other crime they are punifhed. 

If an additional excife upon ale, or a duty upon 
efli and bread were to be enacted, neither the vic- 
lialler, butcher, or baker, would bear any more 
|f the charge than for what themfelves con fumed, 
Jt it would be an equal general tax through the 
hole kingdom : whereas by this bill the clergy a- 
ne are avowedly condemned to be deprived of 
lieir ancient, inherent, undifputed rights, in order 
I encourage a manufacture by which all the reft of 
^e kingdom are fuppoied to be gainers. 
This bill is directly againft magna charta, where- 
the firft claufe is for confirming ihe inviolable 
hts of holy church ; as well as contrary to the 
th taken by all our kings at their coronation, 
tere they fwear to defend and protect the church 
all rights. 

1 A tax laid upon employment is a very different 
: ng. The poffeffors of civil and military employ- 
:nts are no corporation ; neither are 'they any 
rt of our conftitution ; their falaries, pay, and 
rquifues are all changeable at the pleafure of the 
Vol. IV. U prir^e 


prince who beftows them, although the army b 
paid from funds raifed and appropriated by the le 
giflature. But the clergy, as they have little rea 
ion to expect, fo they defire no more than thei 
ancient legal dues ; only indeed with the remova 
of many grievous impediments in the collection o 
them ; which is to be feared they muft wait fo 
until more favourable times. It is well known 
that they have already, of their own accord, ihew: 
great indulgence to their people upon this very ai 
tide of flax, feldom taking above a fourth part c 
their tithe for fmall parcels, and oftentimes nothin 
at all from new beginners ; waiting with patience ur 
til the farmers were able, and until .great. quantitie 
of land were employed in that pait of huhbandry 
never fufpecting that their good intentions lhoul 
be perverted in fo lingular a manner to their detr 
ment, by that very afTembly which, during the tim 
that convocations (which are an original part c 
our constitution, ever iince Chriftianity became m 
tional among us) are thought fit to be fufpendec 
God knows for wiiat reafon, or from what prove 
cations ; I fay, from that very afTembly, who, dui 
ing the intervals of convocations, mould rather b 
fuppofed to be guardians of the rights and propei 
ties of the clergy, than to make the leaft attemj 
upon either. 

I have not heard upon inquiry, that any of thoi 
gentlemen who among us without doors are calle 
me court party, difcover the leaft zeal in this afrai) 
If they had thoughts to interpofe, it might be cor 
ceived they would fhew their difpleafure againft thi 
bill, which muft very much leffen the value of th 
King's patronage upon promotion to vacant fee* 
in the difpofal of denearies, and other confiderabl 
preferments in the church, which are in the dona 
rion of the crown ; whereby the viceroys will hav 
fewer good preferments to beftow on their de 
pendents, as well as upon the kindred of members; 







who may have a fufrlcient ftock of that fort of me- 
rit, whatever it may be, which may in future times 
moft prevail. 

The DhTenters, bynotfucceeding in their endea- 
vours to procure a repeal of the teft, have loft no- 
thing, but continue in a full enjoyment of their 
toleration ; while the clergy, without giving the 
leaft offence, are by this bill deprived of a consi- 
derable branch of their ancient legal rights, where- 
by the fchifmatical party will have the pleafure of 

gratifying their revenge hoc Grati'i voluere. 

The farmer will find no relief by this ?ncdus^ be- 
fcaufe when his prefent leafe mall expire, his land- 
lord will infallibly raife the rent in an equal pro- 
portion, upon^ every part of land where flax is 
Town, and have fo much a better fecurity for pay- 
lent at the expenfe of the clergy. 
If we judge by things paft, it little avails that 
lis bill is to be limited to a certain time of ten, 
r enty, or thirty years. For no landlord will ever 
:onfent that a law fhall exphe, by which he finds 
timfelf a gainer y and of th;s there are many ex- 
tmples as well in England as in this kingdom. 
The great end of this bill is, by proper encou- 
igement to extend the linen manufacture into 
'hole countries where it hath hitherto been little 
cultivated : but this encouragement of lefTening the 
ithe of flax and hemp, is one of fuch a kind as., 
t is to be feared, will have a directly contrary ef- 
ect. Beeaufe, if I am rightly informed, no let of 
ten hath, for their number and fortunes, been 
lore induftrious and iuccefsful than the clergy, in 
Producing that manufacture into places which 
r ere unacquainted with it, by perfuading their peo- 
ple to ibw flax and hemp, by procuring feed 
>r them, and by having them inftructcd in the 
lanagement thereof ; and this they did not with- 
)ut reafonable hopes of increasing the value 
f their parifhes after fome time, as well as of 

U 2 pro 


promoting the benefit of the public. But if this 
modus fhould take place, the clergy will be fo fa] 
from gaining, that they will become lofers by theu 
extraordinary care, by having their arable land: 
turned to flax and hemp, which are reckoned g#ea 
impoveriihers of land : they cannot therefore b< 
blamed, if they ihould /hew as much zeal to pre 
vent its being introduced or improved in their pa 
rifhes, as they hitherto have mewed in the intro 
Uucing and improving it. This* I am told, form 
of them have already declared, at leaft fo far as t< 
vefolve not to give themfeives any more troubl 
than other men, about promoting a manufacluri 
by the fuccefs of which they only, of all men, ar> 
to be the fufferers. Perhaps the giving even a far 
ther encouragement than the law doth, as it no\ 
ftands, to a fet of men who might,, on many ac 
counts, be foufefulto this purpofe, would be no ba( 
method of having the great end of the bill mor< 
errectually anfwered : but this is what they are fa: 
from de firing ; all they petition for is no more thai 
to continue on the fame footing with the reft o 
the ir f ellow-fubj ec~ts . 

If this modus of paying by the acre be to pafs in 
to a law, it were to be wifhed, that the fame law 
would not only appoint one or more fworn furvey 
ors in each parifh, to meafure the lands on whicl 
flax and hemp are fown, but alfo fettle the price o; 
furveying, and determine whether the incumbent oi 
farmer is to pay for each annual furvey. Without 
fomething of this kind, there muft conftantly b< 
clifputes between them, and the neighbouring jufti- 
ces of peace muft be teized as often as thole dif 
putes happen. 

I had written thus far, when a paper was fent 
to me with feveral reafons againft the bill, fomc 
whereof, although they have been already touched, 
are put in a better light, and the reft did not occur 




to mc. I (hall deliver them in the author's own 

I. That tithes are the patrimony of the church ; 
and if not of divine original, yet at kail of great 
, antiquity. 

II. That all purchafes and leafes of tithable lands, 
for many centuries pair, have been made and ta- 
ken, fubject to the demand of tithes, and thofe 
lands fold and taken juft fo much the cheaper on 
that account. 

III. That if any lands are exempted from tithes, 
||or the legal demands of fuch tithes leiTened by act 
lof parliament, fo much value is taken from the 
(proprietor of the tithes, and veiled in the proprie- 
tor of the lands, or his head tenants. 

IV. That no innocent unoffending perfon can be 
Ifo deprived of his property, without the greateft 
I '-violation of common juftice. 

V. That to do this upon a profpect of encou- 
jjraging the linen or any other manufacture, is act- 
ling upon a very miftaken and unjuft fuppofition ; 
linafmuch as the price of the lands lo occupied 
will be no way leiTened to the farmer by fuch a 

VI. That the clergy are content chearfully to 
ar (as they do now) any burthen in common with 
_eir feliow-fubjects, either for the fupport of his 
[ajefty's government, or the encouragement of 

:he trade of the nation ; but think it very hard 
hat they ihould be fingled out to pay heavier 
axes than others, at a time when, by the decreafe 
if the value of their parifhes, they are lefs able 10 
>ear them. 

VII. That the legiilature hath therefore diltin- 
,uiihed the clergy by exemptions, and not by addi- 
ional loads ; and the prefent clergy of the kingdom 
lope, they have not deferved woVfe of the kgiila- 
ature than their predeceiTors.. 

U 3 VIII, 


VIII. That, by the original conftitution of thefe 
kingdoms, the clergy had the ible right of taxing; 
themfelves, and were in pofTerlion of that right as 
low as the restoration ; and if that right be now 
devolved upon the Commons by the ceffion of the 
clergy, the Commons can be considered in this 
cafe in no other light than as the guardians of the 

IX. That befides thofe tithes always in the pof 
feSIion of the clergy, there are fome portions oJ 
tithes lately come into their poSTeSIion by purchafe : f 
that if this claufe Should take place, they would 
not be allowed the benefit of thefe purchafers upor 
an equal foot of advantage with the reft of then 
fellow-fubjects. And that fome tithes in the hand; 
of improprietors are under fettlements and mort- 



X. That the gentlemen of this houfe fliould con- 
iider, that loading the clergy is loading their owr 
younger brothers and children, with this addition- 
al grievance, that it is taking from the younger and 
poorer to give to the elder and richer ; and. 

Lajlly, That if it were at any time juft and pro- 
per to do this, it would however be too fevere tc 
do it now, when all the tithes of the kingdom are 
known for fome years paft to have funk above one 
third part in their value. 

Any income in the hands of the clergy is at leaf! 
as uSeful to the public as the fame income in the 
hands of the laity. 

It were more reafonable to grant the clergy in 
three parts of the nation an additional fuppcrt than 
to diminim their prefent fubfiftence. 

Great employments are and will be in the hands 
of Englishmen ; nothing left for the younger fonsjtc; 
of Irilhmen but vicarages, tide-waiters places, &c. 
therefore no reafon to make them worfe. 

The modus upon the flax in England affects on- 
ly lands reclaimed fince the year 1690, and is at 




:he rate of five fhillings the Englifh acre, which is 
equivalent to eight millings and eight pence Irifh> 
md that to be paid before the farmer removed it 
from the held. Flax is a manufacture of little con- 
equence in England, but is the ftaple in Ireland, 
md if it increafes, (as it probably will), muft in 
nanv places joflle out corn, becaufe it is more gain- 


The clergy of the eftabliflied church have no in 
nterefr, like thofe of the church of Rome, diftinct 
rom the true interelt of their country, and there- 
ore ought to fufrer under no diltinct impoiitions 
>r taxes of any kind. 

The bill for fettling the modus of flax in England 

vas brought in the firft year of the reign of K. George 

. when the clergy lay very unjuftly under the im- 

mtation of fome diiaffec'tion ; and to encourage 

he bringing in of fome fens in Lincolnshire which 

ivere not o be continued under flax ; but it left all 

ands where flax had been fown before that time 

under the fame condition of tithing, in which they 

vere before the pafling of that bill : whereas this 

will takes away what the clergy are actually DorTefT- 

>d of. 

That the woollen manufacture is the ftaple of 
fengland, as the linen is that of Ireland, yet no at- 
[empt was ever made in England to reduce the 
jithe of wool for the encouragement of that manu- 
facture This manufacture hath already been re- 
markably favoured by the clergy, who have hither- 
to been generally content with iefs than half, fome 
pith fix-pence a-garden, and fome have taken no- 

Employments, they fay, have been taxed ; the 
Ireafons for which taxations will not hold with re- 
gard to property, at lead till employments become 
inheritances. The Commons always have had fo 



tender a regard to property, that they never woul 
fuffer any Jaw to pafs, whereby any particula 
perfons might be aggrieved without their own con 

N, B. Some alterations have been made in th 
bill about the modus, flnce the above pape 
was written ; but they are of little mo 

C 237- j 

:VVi' ;-' V- to '& to *-' to *- to & **- "! ** ' - - ? # & to 

A modeft PROPOSAL for preventing the 
Children of poor People in Ireland 
from being a Burden to their Parents or 
Country, and for making them beneficial 
to the Public. 

TT is a melancholy object to thofe who walk thro J 
* this great town, or travel in the country, when 
they fee the ftrects, the roads, and cabin-doors 
crouded with beggars of the female lex, followed 
by three, four, or iix children, all in rags, and 
importuning every paffenger for an alms. Thefe 
mothers, inftead of being able to work for their 
honeft livelihood, are forced to employ all their 
time in (trolling to beg fuftenance for their helplefs 
infants, who, as they grow up, either turn thieves 
for want of work, or leave their dear native coun- 
try to right for the pretender in Spain, or fell them- 
feives to Barbados s. 

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodi- 
gious number of children in the arms, or on the 

(backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and fre- 
quently of their fathers, is, in the prefent deplorable 
ftate of the kingdom, a very great additional griev- 
ance ; and therefore, whoever could find out a fair, 
cheap, and eafy method of making thefe children 
found and ufeful members of the commonwealth, 

iwould deferve fo well of the public, as to have his 
ftatue let up for a preferver of the nation. 

But my intention is very far from being confined 
to provide only for the children of profeflcd beg- 
gars ; it is of a much greater extent, and lhall take 



in the whole number of infants at a certain age 
who are born of parents in effect as little able t< 
iupport them, as thofe who demand our charh; 
in the ftreets. 

As to my own part, having turned my thought 
for many years upon this important fubjecl:, an< 
maturely weighed the feveral fchemes of our pro 
jectors, I have always found them grofsly miftakei 
in their computation. It is true, a child juft drop 
from its dam may be fupported by her milk for ! 
folar year, with little other nourishment : at moi 
not above the value of two millings, which th 
mother may certainly get, or the value in fc raps 
by her lawful occupation of begging ; and it is ex 
actly at one year old that I propofe to provide for then 
iflfi cha manner, as inftead of being a charge upoi 
their parents, or the parifh,or wanting food and rai 
ment for the reft of their lives, they fhall, on th 
contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly t< 
the cloathing of many thoufands. 

There is like wife another great advantage in rm 
fcheme, that it will prevent thofe voluntary abor 
tions, and that horrid practice of women murder 
ing their baftard-children, alas ! too frequent a- 
mong us, facrificing the poor innocent babes, 1 
doubt more to avoid the expenfe than the mame; 
whi< h would move tears and pity in the molt favagc 
and inhuman breaft. 

The number of fouls in this kingdom being u*i 
fually reckoned one million and a half, of thefe I 
calculate there may be about two hundred thoufand 
couple, whole wives are breeders; from which 
number I Subtract thirty thoufand couple, who arc 
able to maintain their own children, (although I 
apprehend there cannot be fo many under the pre- 
fent diitreffes of the kingdom) ; but this being 
granted, there will remain an hundred and feventy 
thoufand breeders. I can again Subtract fifty thou> 
fand for thole women who mifcarry, or whofe 



hildrcn die by accident or difeafe within the year. 
Fhere only remain an hundred and twenty thou- 
and children of poor parents annually born. The 
meition therefore is, How this number fhali be 
reared and provided for ? which, as I have alrea- 
ly laid, under the prefent iituation of affairs is ut- 
erly impoflible by all the methods hitherto propo- 
ed. For we can neither employ them in handi- 

raft or agriculture; we neither build houics, (I 
,nean in the country), nor cultivate land : they can 
jery feldom pick up a liveliehood by healing, till 
ibey arrive at fix years old, except where they are 
If towardly parts ; although I confefs they learn 
lie rudiments much earlier ; during which time 
{ley can however be properly looked upon only as 
\robat loners ; as I have been informed by a princi- 
lal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who proteft- 
|d to me, that he never knew above one or two in- 
(:ances under the age of fix, even in a part of the 

ingdom fo renowned for the quicker! proficiency 
p that art. 

I am allured by our merchants, that a boy or a 
hirl before twelve years old is no faieable commo- 
[ity; and even wJaen they come to this age, they 
till not yield above three pounds, or three pounc Is 
pd half a crown at moft, on the exchange, which 
Sannot turn to account either to the parents or 
jingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having 
deen at leaft four times that value. 

I {hall now therefore humbly propofe my own 
noughts, which I hope will not be liable to the leaft 
1 have been aflured by a very knowing American 

f my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy 
pild, well nurfed, is at a year old a moit delicious, 

ourifliing, and wholiome food, whether ftewed, 

aafted, baked, or boiled ; and I make no doubt 

rat it will equally ferve in a fricafTe, or a ragouft. 


I do therefore humbly offer it to public confider 
ation, that of the hundred and twenty thoufanc 
children already computed, twenty thoufand maj 
be referved for breed, whereof only one fourtl 
part to be males ; which is more than we allow tc 
fheep, black cattle, or iVine ; . and my reafon is 
that thefe children are feldom the fruits of marriage 
a circumflance not much regarded by our favages , 
therefore one male will be fuiiicient to ferve fou: 
females. Then the remaining hundred thoufanc 
may, at a year old, be offered in fale to the perfon 
of quality and fortune through the kingdom ; al 
ways advifing the mother to let them fuck plentifulh 
in the laft month, fo as to render them plump, am 
fat for a good table. A child will make two dime 
at an entertainment for friends ; and when the fa 
mily dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will makt 
a reafonable dim, and feafoned with a little peppe; 
or fait, will be very good boiled on the fourth day 
cfpecially in winter. 

I have reckoned, upon a medium, that a chile 
juft born will weigh 1 2 pounds, and in a folar year 
if tolerably nurfed, will increafe to 28 pounds. 

I giant this food will be fomewhat dear, anc 1 
therefore very proper for landlords, who, as the)] 
have already devoured moftof the parents, feem tel 
have the belt title to the children. 

Infants fiefh will be in feafon throughout the! 
year, but more plentiful in March, and a little be-l 
fore and after ; for we are told by a grave author*,] 
an eminent French phyiician, that fiih being a pro-l 
lific diet, there are more children born in R.omafl| 
Catholic countries about nine months after Lent.] 
than at any other feafon ; therefore reckoning al 
year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted! 
than ufual, becatde the number of Popilh infantsfi 
is at leait three to one in this kingdom ; and there 


* Rabelais. 



fore it will have one other collateral advantage by 
idTening the number of Papifts among us. 

I have already computed the charge of nurfing a 
begar's child (in which lilt I reckon ail cottagers, 
labourers, and four fifths of the farmers) to be a- 
bout two fhillings per annum, rags included ; and 
[ believe no gentleman would repine to given ten 
liillings for the carcafe of a good fat child, which, 
is I have faid, will make four dilhes of excellent 
mtritive meat, when he hath only fome particular 
j'riend or his own family to dine with him. Thus 
||he fquire will learn to be a good landlord, and 
i:;row popular among his tenants, the mother will 
jiave eight (liillings neat profit, and be fit for work, 
|ill fhe produces another child. " 

Thofe who are more thrifty (as I muft.confefs 
[he times require) may flay the carcafe : the fkin 
If which, artificially drefTed, will make admirable 
iloves for ladies, and fummer-boots for line sen- 

As to our city of Dublin, fhambles may be ap- 
pointed for this purpofe in the molt convenient parts 
If it, and butchers we may be afiured will not be 
anting - t although I rather recommend buying the 
lildren alive, and drefllng them hot from the 
ife, as we do roafting pigs. 

A very worthy perfon, a true lover of his coun- 

y, and whofe virtues I highly efteem, was lately 

eafed, in difcourfmg on this matter, to offer a 

fmement upon my fcheme. He faid, that many 

ntlemen of this kingdom having of late deftroyed 

eir deer, he conceived that the want of venifon 

ight be well fupplied by the bodies of young lads 

id maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age, 

r under twelve ; fo great a number of both fexrs 

every county being now ready to ftarve for want 

work and iervice ; and thefe to be difpofed of 

their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their 

arert relations. But, with due deference to fo 

Vol. IV. X excellent 


excellent a friend, aud fo deferving a patriot, I 
cannot be altogether in his fentiments : for, as to 
the males, my American acquaintance allured me, 
from frequent experience, that their flefh was ge- 
nerally tough and lean, like that of our fchoolboys, 
by continual exercife, and their tafte difagreeable, 
and to fatten them would not anfwer.the charge. 
Then, as to the females, it would, I think, with 
humble fubmiffion, be a lofs to the public, becauft 
they foon would become breeders themfelves : and 
belides, it is not improbable, that fome fcrupuloui 
people might be apt to cenfure fuch a practice (al- 
though indeed very unjuftly), as a little borderins 
upon cruelty ; which, I confefs, hath -always beer 
with me the frrongeft objection againit any project 
how well foever intended. 

But, in order to juftify my friend, he confeiTed 
that this expedient was put into his head by the fa 
mour Salmanazor, a native of the iiland of For 
mofs, who came from thence to London a 
bove twenty years ago, and, in converfation, tok 
my friend, that, in his country, when any youm 
perion happened to be put to death, the execution 
er fold the carcafes to perfons of quality as a prim< 
dainty ; and that in his time the body of a plum] 
girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an at- 
tempt to poifon the Emperor, was fold to his impe 
rial Majefty's prime miniitei of ftate, and othei 
great mandarines of the court, in joints from the 
gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeec 
can I deny, that if the fame ufe were made of feve 
ral plump young girls in this town, who, withou 
one llngle groat to their fortunes, cannot ftir abroac 
without a chair, and appear at a playhoufe and af 
femblies in foreign fineries which they never will 
pay for, the kingdom would not be the worfe. 

Some perfons of a defponding fpirit are in greai 
concern about the vaft number of poor people, whe 
arc aged, difeafed, or maimed ; and I have beer 



deflred to employ my thoughts, what courfe may 
be taken to eafe the nation of To grievous an in- 
cumbrance. But I am not in the leaf! pain upon 
that matter, becaufe it is very well known, that they 
are every day dying, and rotting, by cold and fa- 
mine, and filth and vermine, as fafr. as can be rea- 
sonably expected. And as to the young labourers, 
they are now in almofr as hopeful a condition : 
they cannot get work, and consequently pine away 
for want of nourifhment, to a degree, that if at a- 
ny time they are accidentally hired to common la- 
bour, they have- not ftrength to perform it ; and 
thus the country and themfelves are happily deli- 
vered from the evils to come. 

I have too long digrefTed, and therefore fhall re- 
turn to my fubjecl. I think the advantages by the 
[propofal which I have made, are obvious and ma- 
ny, as well as of the higheft importance. 

For, firfr, as I have already obferved, it would 
breatly leffen the number of Papifts, with whom 
Ive are yearly over-run, being the principal breed- 
its of the nation, as well as our moft danaerous e- 
hemies, and who fray at home on purpofe to deli- 
ver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take 
their advantage by the abfence of fo many good 
Voteftants, who have chofen rather to leave their 
Country, than ftay at home and pay tithes againft 
tjheir conference to an t pifcopal curate. 

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have fome- 
fhing valuable of their own, which by law may be 
tiade liable to a diftrefs, and help to pay their 
landlord's rent ; their corn and cattle being already 
ftized, and money a thing unknown. 

Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hun- 
1 red thoufand children, from two -ears old and 
J pwards, cannot be computed at lefs than ten fhil- 
f'ngs a-piece per annum the nation's flock wiil be 
hereby increafed fifty thoufand pounds per annum, 
glides the profit of a new difh introduced to the 


tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom 
wholiave any refinement in tafte. And the monei 
will circulate among ourfelves, the goods being en 
tireiy of our own growth and manufacture 

Fourthly, The conftant breeders, befldes tin 
gain of eight millings Sterling per annum by the fal 
of their children, will be rid of the charge of main 
taining them after the firft year. 

Fifthly, This food will llkewife bring great cu 
ftom to taverns ; where the vintners will certain! - 
be fo prudent as to procure the beft receipts fo 
clreiling it to perfection, and confequently hav 
their houfes frequented by all the fine gentlemen 
who juftly value themfelves upon their knowledg 
in good eating ; and a ikilful cook, who under 
ftands how to oblige his guefts, will contrive t 
make it as expenfive as they pleafe. 

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement t 
marriage, which all wife nations have either en 
couraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and pc 
nalties. It would increafe the care and tendernel 
of mothers towards their children, when they wer 
lure of a fettlement for life to the poor babes, pre 
vided in fome fort by the public, to their annus 
profit inilead of expenfe. We mould foon fee a: 
honeft emulation among the married women, whid 
of them could bring the fatteft child to the market 
Men would become as fond of their wives durin 
the time of their pregnancy, as they are now o 
their mares in foal, their cows in calf, or fows whei 
they are ready to farrow ; nor offer to beat or kicl 
them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of i 

Many other advantages might be enumerated 
For inliance, the addition of fome thou fan d car 
cafes in our exportation of barreled beef : the pro 
pagation of fwines flefh, and improvement in tin 
art of making good bacon, fo much wanted amonj 
til by the great deftruction of pigs, too frequent a 





?ur tables ; which are no way comparable, in tafte 
:>r magnificence, to a well-grown, fat, yearly child, 
vhich, roafted whole, will make a coniiderabie fi- 
gure at a Lord Mayor's feaft, or any other public 
entertainment. But this, and many others, I omit, 
>eing frudious of brevity. 

Suppofing that one thoufand families in this city 
/ould be conftant customers for infant's fleih, be- 
des others who might have it at merry meetings, 
articularly at weddings and chriftenings, I con> 
jute, that Dublin would take off annually about 
Iventy thoufand carcafes ; and the reft of the king- 
lorn (where probably they will be fold fomewhat 
peaper) the remaining eighty thoufand. 
I can think of no one objection, that will pof- 
bly be railed againft this propofal, unlefs it mould 
5 urged, that the number of people will be there- 
7 much leiTened in the kingdom. This I freely, and it was indeed one principal defign in of- 
ring it to the world. I defire the reader will ob- 
rve, that I calculate my remedy " for this one 
individual kingdom of Ireland, and for no. . 
other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be 
upon earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of 
other expedients : of taxing our abfentees at five 
{hillings a pound : of ufing neither cloaths nor 
hofehold furniture, except what is of our own 
growth and manufacture : of utterly rejecting 
the materials and inftruments that promote fo- 
reign luxury : of curing the expeniivenefs of 
pride, vanity, idlenefs, and gaming in our* wo- 
men ; of introducing a vein of parhmony, 
rudence, and temperance : of learning to love 
>ur country, in the want of which we differ e- 
en from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of 
WTopinamboj : of quitting our anirnofities and-, 
factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews, 
"who were murdering one another at the very 
wnoment the city was taken ; of being a little cau- 
m X 3 " tious 


tious not to fell our country and confciences foi 







nothing : of teaching landlords to have at leaf! 
one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lajl 
fy, Of putting a fpirit of honefty, induftry, an< 
ikill into our fhopkeepers, who, if a refolutioi 
could now be taken to buy only our nativ< 
goods, would immediately unite to cheat anc 
exact upon us in the price, the meafure, an 
the goodn efs, nor could ever yet be brough 
to make one fair propofal of juft dealing, the 
" often and earneftly invited to it." 

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me c 
thefe and the like expedients '*, till he hath i 
leaft fome glimpfe of hope, that there will ever t 
fome hearty and iincere attempt to put them i 

But, as to myfelf having been wearied out fc 
many years with offering vain, idle, viflonar 
thoughts, and at length utterly defpairing of fu< 
cefs, I fortunately fell upon this propofal ; whicl 
as it is wholly new, fo it hath fomething folid an 
real, of no expenfe and little trouble, full in oil 
own power, and whereby we can incur no dang< ; 
in difobliging England. For this kind of comm< 
dity will not bear exportation, the flefh being of tc 
tender a confiftence to admit a long continuance i| 
fait, " although, perhaps, I could name a cour 
*f try, which would be glad to eat up our who 
41 nation without it." 

After all, I am not fo violently bent upon m 
own opinion as to reject any offer propofed by wi: 
men, which fhall be found equally innocent, cheaj 
eafy and effectual. But before fomething of th; 
kind mall be advanced in contradiction to m 

* Thefe expediens haJ been propokd before, forrv of tbeml 
the Dean, aiu to urge the praibce of them by fbewing the only a 
ternaiive, fetms to ha\e been the defign of this paper, 




cheme, and offering a better, I deflre the author 
;>r authors will be pleafed maturely to confider two 
>oints. Fi*jty As things now ftand, how they 
frill be able to find food and raiment for a hundred 
ihoufand ufelefs mouths and backs. And, fecond- 
v, there being a round million of creatures- in hu- 
inan figure throughout this kingdom, whofe whole 
niibiiftence put into a common frock would leave 
ihem in debt two millions of pounds fterling, adding 
i.hofe who are beggars by profeffion, to the bulk of 
farmers., cottagers, and labourers, with their wives 
Ijind children, who are beggars in effect ; I delire 
lihofe politicians who diflike my overture, and may 
perhaps be fo bold to attempt an anfwer, that they 
vill rirft alk the parents of thefe mortals, whether 
hey would not at this day think it a great happi- 
nefs to have been fold for food at a year old, in 
he manner I prefcribe, and thereby have avoided 
rich a perpetual fcene of misfortunes, as they have 
ince gone through, by the oppreffion of landlords, 
:he impoffibility of paying rent without money or 
trade, the want of common fuftenance, with nei- 
ther houfe nor cloaths to cover them from the in- 
clemencies of the weather, and the moll inevitable 
brofpect of entailing the like, or greater miferies 
upon their breed for ever. 

I profefs, in the fincerity of my heart, that I have 
(not the leaft perfonal intereft in endeavouring to 
promote this neceffary work, having no other 
[motive than the " public good of my country, by 
f' advancing our t'-ade, providing for infants, re- 
f' lieving the poor, and giving feme pleafure to 
|" the rich." I have no children, by which I can 
Ipropofe to get a fingle penny ; the youngeft being 
nine years old, and my wife pair childbearing. 


C 248 ] 

To the Honourable Houfe of Commons, 6e. 

The humble Petition of the Footmen u 
and about the city of Dublin. 

Written in the year 1732. 

Humbly Jbeweth, 

* I 'HAT your petitioners are a great and nnmer 
* ous fociety, endowed with feveral privilege-' 
time out of mind. 

That certain lewd, idle, and diforderly perfoni 
for feveral months paft, as it is notoriously known, 
have been daily feen in the public walks of this city; 
habited fometimes in green coats and fometimes 
laced, with long caken cudgdels in their hands, I 
and without fwords ; in hopes to procure favour, 
by that advantage, with a great number of ladies j 
who frequent thofe walks; pretending and giving! 
themfelves out to be true genuine Irifli footmen ; 
whereas they can be proved to be no better than ' 
common toupees, as a judicious eye may foon dif- 
cover, by their awkward, clumfey, ungenteel gait 
and behaviour: by their unikilfulnefs in drcis even 
with the advantage of our habits ; by their ill- 
favoured countenances, with an air of impudence 
and dulnefs peculiar to the reft of their brethren, 
who have not yet arrived at that tranfcendent pitch 
of afluranc- ; although it may be juftly apprehend- 
ed that they will do fo in time, if thefe counter- 
feits fhall happen to fucceed in their evil deiign of 


THE PETITION, &c. 24$ 

. >a{fing for real footmen, thereby to render them- 
elvcs more amiable to the ladles. 

Your petitioners do farther alledge, that many 

! if the faid counterfeits, upon a (tric~t examination, 

; ave been found in the ad of ffrutting, (taring, 

wearing, fwaggering, in a manner that plainly 

dewed their bed endeavours to imitate us. Where- 

: i, although they did not fucceed, yet by their ig- 

1 orant and ungainly way of copying our graces, 

tie utmoft indignity was endeavoured to be call 

lipon our whole profefiion. 

Your petitioners do therefore make it their 
umble requelt, that this Honourable houfe (to 
lany of whom your petitioners are nearly allied) 
-ill pleafe to take this grievance into your moft fe- 
ious confideration ; humbly fubmitting, whether 
: would not be proper, that certain officers might, 
t the public charge, be employed to fearch for, 
nd difcover all fuch counterfeit footmen ; to carry 
hem before the next juftice of peace, by whofe 
/arrant, upon the firft conviction, they fhould be 
tripped of their coats and oaken ornaments, and 
e fet two hours in the flocks : upon the fecond 
onviction, befides {tripping, be fet fix hours in 
le ftocks, with a paper pinned on their breads, 
ignifying their crime, in large capital letfers, and 
a the following words : " A. B. commonly cal- 
' led A. B .Efq; a toupee, and a notorious im- 
1 poftor, who prefumed to perfonate a true Irifh 
' footman.'' 

And for any other offence, the faid toupee mail 
e committed to Bridewell, whipped three times, 
orced to hard labour for a month, and not to be 
et at liberty till he (hall have fufficient fecurity for 
lis good behaviour. 

Your Honours will pleafe to obferve, with what 
lenity we propofe to treat thefe enormous offenders, 
ivho have already brought fuch a fcandal on our 
lonourable calling, that feveral well-meaning peo- 


pie have miftaken them to be of our fraternity, 
diminution to that credit and dignity where" 
we have fupported our Nation, as we always di 
in the worft of times. And we further beg lea 
to remark, that this was manifeftly done with a i ! 
ditious detign to render us leis capable of fervii, 
the public in any great employments, as feveral i 
our fraternity, as well as our anceftors have done 
We do therefore humbly implore your Honou 
to give necelTary orders for our relief in this pr 
fent exigency, and your petitioners (as in du 
bound) fhall ever pray, <bc 



C is* 3 

PROPOSAL for giving Badges to the 
BEGGARS in all the Parifhes of Dublin. 

By the Dean of St. Patrick's. 

Written in the Year 1737. 

T hath been a general complaint, that the poor- 

houfe (efpecially fince the new conititution by 

t of parliament) hath been of no benefit to this 

y, for the eafe of which it was wholly intended. 

lad the honour to be a member of it many years 

fore it was new modelled by the legislature ; not 

bm any perfonal regard, but merely as one of the 

lo Deans, who are of courie put into moft com- 

l.ffions that relate to die city ; and I have likewile 

ie honour to have been left out of feveral com- 

Iffions upon the fcore of party, in which my pre- 

IcefTors, time out of mind, have always been 


The iirft commiffion was made up of about fifty 

fons, which were the Lord Mayor, Aldermen, 

d Sheriffs, and fome few other citizens ; the 

dges, the two Archbifhops, the two Deans of the 

y, and one or two more gentlemen. Andlmuft 

kn fiefs my opinion, that the dilTolving the old com- 

jffion, and eftablifhing a new one of near three 

iaes the number, have been the great caufe of ren- 

cring fo good a defign not only ufelefs, but a 

fievance inftead of a benefit to the city. In the 

jefent commiffion all the city clergy are included, 

tlides a great number of f quires, not only thofe 




who refide in Dublin and the neighbourhood, bi 
feveral who live at a great diftance, and cann< 
pofllbly have the leafl concern for the advantage < 
the city. 

At the few general meetings that I have attends 
fince the new eftablifhment, I obferved very litt 
was done except one or two acts of extreme juftic 
which I then thought might as well have been fpa 
ed : and I have found the court of affiffcants ufua 
ly taken up in little wrangles about coachmen, ( 
adjufting accounts of meal and Imall beer; whicl 
however neceflary, might lbmetimes have gm 
place to matters of much greater moment, I me? 
fome fchemes recommended to the general boai 
for anfwering the chief ends in erecting and eft 
blifhing iuch a poor-houfe, and endowing it wii 
fo coniiderable a revenue : and the principal end 
take to have been that of maintaining the poor ar 
orphans of the city, where the parishes are not ab 
to do it ; and clearing the ftreets from all ftroller 
foreigners, and fhirdy beggars, with which, to tl 
univerfal complaint and admiration, Dublin 
more infefted lince the eftablHhment of the poo: 
houfe, than it was ever known to be fince its fir 

As the whole fund for fupporting this hofpital 
raifed only from the inhabitants of the city ; i 
there can be hardly any thing more abfurd than t 
fee it miiemployed in maintaining foreign beggai 
and baflards, or orphans of farmers, whofe cour 
try landlords never contributed one milling towarc 
their fupport. I would engage, that half this rt 
venue, if employed with common care, and no vc 
ry great degree of common honefty, would main 
tain all the real objects of charity in this city, ex 
cept a fmall number of original poor in every pa 
riih, who might, without being burthenfome t< 
the parilhioners, find a tolerable fupport. 

I have, for ibme years pall, applied myfelf t< 



feveral Lord Mayors, and the late Archbifhop of 
Dublin, for a remedy to this evil of foreign beg- 
gars ; and they all appeared ready to receive a very 
plain propofal, I mean that of badging the origi- 
nal poor of every parifh, who begged in the ftreets ; 
that the laid beggars mould be confined to their 
own parifhes ; that they mould wear their badges 
well fewn upon one of their moulders, always viii- 
ble, on pain of being whipped and turned out 
K town ; or whatever legal punifhment may be 
:hought proper and effectual. But, by the wrong 
j.vay of thinking in fome clergymen, and the indif- 
ference of others, this method was perpetually de- 
feated, to their own continual difquiet, which they 
lo not ill deferve ; and if the grievance affected 
pnly them, it would be of lefs confequence; be- 
auie the remedy is in their own power : but all 
treet-walkers and fhopkeepers bear an equal mare 
[1 its hourly vexation. 

I never heard more than one objection againff 
his expedient of badging the poor, and confining 
aeir walks to their feveral pariihes. The objection 
r as this : What mall we do with the foreign beg- 
ars ? muft they be left to ffarve ? I anfwered, 
Jo; but they muft be driven or whipped out of 
>wn ; and let the next country-parifh do as they 
leafe, or rather, after the practice in England, 
nd them from one parifh to another, until they 
:ach their own homes. By the old laws of Eng- 
|nd ftiil in force, every parifh is bound to main- 
in its own poor ; and the matter is of no fuch 
mfequence in this point as fome would make it, 
ether a country parifh be rich or poor. In the 
moter and poorer parifhes of the kingdom, all 
JcefTaries for life, proper for poor people, are 
mparatively cheaper ; I mean butter-milk, oat- 
eal, potatoes, and other vegetables ; and every 
mer or cottager, who is not himfelf a beggar, 
1 iometimes fparc a fup or a morfel, not worth 
Vol. IV. Y the 


the fourth part of a farthing, to an indigent neigh 
hour of his own parifh, who is diiabled from work 
A beggar native of the parifh is known to th 
iquire, to the church-minifter, to the popiih prieft 
or the conventicle-teacher, as well as to every far 
mer : he hath generally fome relations able to live 
and contribute ibmething to his maintenance. Non 
of which advantages can be reafonably expecte 
on a removal to places where he is altogether ur 
known. If he be not quite maimed, he and h 
trull, and litter of brats (if he has any), may g< 
half their fupport by doing fome kind of work i 
their power, and thereby be lefs burdenfome i 
the people. In fhert, all neceiTaries. of life gro 
in the country, and not in cities, and are cheap* 
where they grow; uor is it equitable that begga 
fhould put us to the charge of giving them, victual 
and the carriage too. 

But when the fpirit of wandering takes him, a 
tended by his females and their equipage of chi 
dren, he becomes a nuifance to the whole countn 
he and his female are thieves, and teach the trac 
of ftealing to their brood at four years old ; and 
Ins infirmities be counterfeit, it is dangerous for 
fingle perfon unarmed to meet him on the roa< 
He wanders from one country to another, but fti 
with a view to this town, whither he arrives at laf 
and enjoys all the privileges of a Dublin beggar. 

I do not wonder that the country-fquires ihoul 
be very willing to fend up their colonies ; but wfc 
the city fhould be content to receive them, is b 
yond my imagination. 

If the city were obliged by their charter to mail 
tain a thoufand beggars, they could do it cheap* 
by eighty per cent, a hundred miles off than in th 
town, or in any of its fuburbs. 

There is no village in Connaught, that in pre 
portion fliares fo deeply in the daily increafing m 
feries of Ireland, as its capital city ; to which m 




feries there hardly remained any addition, except 
the perpetual fwarms of foreign beggars, who might 
be banifhed in a month without expenfe, and with 
Very little trouble. 

As I am perfonally acquainted with a great num- 
ber of ftreet-beggars y .I iind fome weak attempts 
lave been made in one or two parifhes to promote 
he wearing of badges ; and my firft queftion to 
hofe who afk an alms is, " Where is your badge?'* 
bhave, in feveral years, met with about a dozen 
vho were ready to produce them, fome out of their 
>ockets, others from under their coat, and two or 
hree on their moulders, only covered with a fort 
pf capes- which they could lift up or let down upon 
|)Ccafion. They are too lazy to work ; they are 
lot afraid to fteal, nor afhamed to beg, and yet 
lure too proud to be feen with a badge, as many of 
.hem have confehed to me, and not a few ii> very 
njurious terms,- particularly the females. They all 
look upon fuch an obligation as a high indignity 
lone to their office. I appeal to all indifferent 
beople, whether fuch wretches deferve to be reliev- 
d As to myfelf, I muffc confefs, this abfurd in- 
Iblence hath fo affected me, that for feveral years 
aft, I have not difpofed of one fingle farthing to 
I ftreet-beggar, nor intend to do fo until I fee a 
letter regulation ; and I have endeavoured to per- 
pade all my brother-walkers to follow my example, 
rhich molt of them affure me they do. For, if 
eggary be not able to beat out pride, it cannot 
eferve charity. However, as to perfons in coach - 
5 and chairs, they bear but little of the perfecti- 
on we fuffer, and are willing to leave it entirely 
pon us. 

To fay the truth, there is not a more undefcrv- 

ig vitious race of humankind, than the bulk of 

lofe who are reduced to beggary, even in this beg- 

iarly country. For, as a great part of our pub- 

nc miferies is originally owing to our own faults, 

Y 2 (but. 


(but what thofe faults are, I am grown by experi- 
ence too wary to mention), fo I am confident, that 
among the meaner people nineteen in twenty of 
thole who are reduced to a ftarving condition, did 
not become fo by what the lawyers call the work of 
God either upon their bodies or goods ; but mere- 
ly from their own idlenefs, attended with all man- 
ner of vices, particularly drunkennefs, thievery, 
and cheating. 

Whoever inquires, as I have frequently done, 
from thofe who have alked me an alms, what was 
their former courfe of life, will find them to have 
been fervants in good famines, broken tradefmen. 
labourers, cottagers, and what they call decayed 
houfekecpers ; but (to ufe their own cant) reducec 
by loiTes and crofTes, by which nothing can be un- 
derftood but idlenefs and vice. 

As this is the only Chriftian country where peo- 
ple, contrary to the old maxim, are the poverty 
and not the riches of the nation ; fo the bleffing ol 
increafe and multiply, is by us converted into acurfe; 
and as marriage hath been ever countenanced in all 
free countries, fo we fhould be lefs miferable if il 
were difcouraged in ours, as far as can be confift- 
ant with Christianity. It is feldom known in Eng- 
land, that the labourer, the lower mechanic, the 
fervant, or the cottager, thinks of marrying, until 
he hath faved up a ftock of money fufficient to 
carry on his buflnefs ; nor takes a wife without a 
fuitable portion ; and as feldom fails of making a 
yearly addition to that ftock, with a view of provid- 
ing for his children. But in this kingdom the cafe 
is directly contrary, where many thoufand couples 
are yearly married, whofe whole united fortunes, 
bating the rags on their backs, would not be fuffi- 
cient to purchafe a pint of butter-milk for their 
wedding-fupper, nor have any profpect of fupport- 
ing their honourable ftate but by fervice, or labour, 
or thievery. Nay, their happinefs is often defer- 


red until they find credit to borrow, or cunning to 
{teal a Shilling to pay their Popifh prieft, or infa- 
mous couple-beggar. Surely no miraculous por- 
tion of wifdom would be required, to find fome 
kind of remedy againft this destructive- evil, or, at 
leaft, not to draw the confequences of it upon 
our decaying city, the greateft part whereof muft 
of courfe, in a few years, become defolate, or in 

In all other nations, that are not abfolutely bar- 
barous, parents think themfelves bound by the law 
)f nature and reafon, to make fome proviiion for 
heir children ; but the reafon offered by the inha- 
bitants of Ireland for marrying is, that they may 
lave children to maintain them when they grow 
)ld, and unable to vvork. 

I am informed, that we have been for fome time 
>aft extremely obliged to England for one very be- 
leficial branch of commerce ; for, it feems, they 
.re grown fo gracious as to tranfmit us continually 
olonics of beggars, in return for a million of mo- 
Jiey they receive yearly from hence, That I may 
ii : ive no offence, I profefs to mean real EngliSh beg- 
gars, in the literal meaning of the word, as it is u- 
ually underflood by Proteftants. It feems the juf- 
-ices of the peace and parifh -officers in the weftern 
palts of England have a good while followed the 
.hade of exporting hither their Supernumerary beg- 
ars, in order to advance the Englifh Proteftant in- 
breft among us; and thefe they are fo kind to fend 
fiver gratis and duty-free. I have had the honour 
lore than once to attend large cargos of them 
"om Chefter to Dublin : and I was then fo igno- 
unt as to give my opinion, that our city mould re- 
jive them into Bridewell, and, after a month's re- 
:lence, ha.ving been well whipped twice a-day, fed 
ith bran and water, and put to hard labour, they 
Mould be returned honeftly back with thanks as 
xeap as they came : or, if that were not approv- 

Y 3 ed. 


ed of, I propofed, that whereas one Englishman i 
allowed to be of equal intrinfic value with twelvi 
born in Ireland, we fhould in juftice return then 
a dozen for one to difpofe of as they pleafed. 

As to the native poor of this city, there woul< 
be little or no damage in confining them to thei ! 
feverai For inftance : a beggar of th; 
parilh of St. Warborough's, or any other parifl, 
here, if he be an object of companion, hath a:: 
equal chance to receive his proportion of alms fror 
every charitable hand : becaufe the inhabitants, on j 
or other walk through every ftreet in town, an 
give their alms, without considering the place i 
wherever they think it may be well difpofed of j 
and thefe helps, added to what they get in eatablf ' 
by going from houfe to houfe among the gentry an 
citizens, will, without being very burthenfome, t 
Sufficient to keep them alive. 

It is true, the poor of the fuburb-parifhes wi I 
not have altogether the fame advantage, becaufe the II 
are not equally in the road of bufinefs and pafTei 
gers : but here it is to be considered, that the be\ 
gars there have not fo good a title to public char 
ty, becaufe moil: of them are ftrollers from tt 
country, and compofe a principal part of that gre; 
nuifance which we ought to remove. 

I fhould be apt to think, that few things can I 
more irklbme to a city minilter, than a number c 
beggars which do not belong to his diftricl, whoi 
he hath no obligation to take care of, who are n 
part of his flock, and who take the bread out ( 
the mouths of thofe to whom it properly belong 
When I mention this abufe to any miniftcr of 
city-parifli, he ufually lays the fault upon the be; 
dies, who, he fays, are bribed by the foreign bei 
gars ; and, as thofe beadles often keep alehoufe. 
they find their account in fuch cuftomers. Th 
evil might eafily be remedied, if the parifhes woul 
make fome fmall addition to the falarics of a be; 


die, and be more careful in the choice of thofe 
officers. But, I conceive, there is one effectual 
method in the power of every minifter to put in 
practice ; I mean, by making it the intereit of all 
his own original poor to drive out intruders : for 
if the pariih beggars were ablblutely forbidden by 
the minifter and church-officers to iuffer ^rollers to 
come into the pariih, upon pain of themfelves 
mot being permitted to beg alms at the church- 
idoors, or at the houfes and ihops of the inhabitants, 
1 they would prevent interlopers more effectually 
ithan twenty beadles. 

And here I cannot but take notice of the great 
indilcretion of our city-lhopkeepers, who iuffer 
their doors to be daily belieged by crouds of beg- 
gars (as the gates of a lord are by duns), to the 
great difguft and vexation of many cuftomers, whom 
I have frequently obferved to go to other (hops, ra- 
ther than fuffer fuch a perfecution ; which might 
[eafily be avoided, if no foreign beggars were allow- 
ed to infeft them. 

Wherefore I do afTert, that thefhopkeepers,who 

are the greater!: complainers of this grievance, la- 

menting that for every cuftomer they are worried 

by fifty beggars, do very well deferve what uiey 

: fuffer, when a 'prentice with a horfe-whip is able 

Lto lafh every beggar from the ihop who is not of 

Bthe pariih, and doth not wear the badge of that 

(pariih on his ihoulder, well fattened, and fairly vi- 

iible ; and if this practice were univerfal in every 

houie to all the fturdy vagrants, we fhould in a few 

weeks clear the town of all mendicants, except 

thofe who have a proper title to our charity : as for 

the aged and infirm, it would be fufficient to give 

them nothing, and then they muff ftarve, or follow 

their brethren. 

It was the city that firft endowed this hofpita!, 
land thofe who afterwards contributed, as they were 
I v fuch 


fuch who generally inhabited here, fo they intend- 
ed what they gave to be for the ufe of the city's 
poor. The revenues, which have fince been railed 
by parliament, are wholly paid by the city, without 
the leaft charge upon any other part of the king- 
dom ; and therefore nothing could more defeat the 
original defign, than to mifapply thofe revenues or 
ftrolling beggars or baftards from the country, 
which bears no (hare in the charges we are at. 

If fome of the out-parifhes be overburthenec 
with poor, the reafon muft be, that the greater! 
part of thoTe poor are ftrollers from the country, 
who neftle themfelves where they can find the | 
cheapeft lodgings, and from thence infeft ever) 
part of the town, out of which they ought to b* 
whipped as a moft infufferable nuifanee, being no- 
thing elfe but a profligate clan of thieves, drunk- 
ards, heathens, and whoremongers, fitter to be 
rooted out of the face of the earth, than fufferec 
to levy a vaft annual tax upon the city, which 
ihares too deep in the public miferies brought or 
us by the oppreffions we lie under from our neigh- 
bours, our brethren, our countrymen, our Fellow- 
Proteltants, and fellow-fubjedrs. 

Some time ago I was appointed one of a com- 
mittee to inquire into the Mate of the workhoufe ; 
where we found that a charity was beftowed by a 
great perfon for a certain time, which in its confe- 
quences operated very much to the detriment of the 
houfe ; for, when the time was elapfed, all thofe 
who were fupported by that charity continued on 
the fame foot with the reft on the foundation ; and, 
being generally a pack of profligate, vagabond 
wretches, from feveral parts of the kingdom, cor- 
rupted all the reft ; fo partial, or treacherous, or 
interefted, or ignorant, or miftaken, are generally 
all recommenders, not only to employments, but 
even to charity kfelf. 

I know 


I know it is complained, that the difficulty of 
driving foreign beggars out of the city is charged 
upon the bellowers, (as they are called), who find 
rheir accounts beft in iufrering thofc vagrants to fol- 
low their trade through every part of the town. 
But this abuie might caiily be remedied, and very 
nuch to the advantage of the whole city, if better 
alaries were given to thofe who excute that office 
;n the feveral pariflies, and would make it their in- 
lereft to clear the town of thofe caterpillars, rather 
I han hazard the lofs of an employment that would 
Bye them an honeft livelihood. But, if thatihould 
, ail, yet a general refolution of never giving charity 
lo a ftreet-beggar out of his own parifh, or with- 
out a vifible badge, would infallibly force all va- 
grants to depart. 

There is generally a vagabond fpirit in beggars, 
vhich ought to be difcouraged, and feverely pu- 
lifhed It is owing to the fame caufes that drove 
hem into poverty ; I mean, idenefs, drunkennefs, 
ind ram marriages without the leaft profpect of 
importing a family by honeft endeavours, which 
lever came into their thoughts. It is obferved, 
hat hardly one beggar in twenty looks upon him- 
elf to be relieved by receiving bread, or other 
ood ; and they have in this town been frequently 
een to pour out of their pitchers good broth, that 
lath been given them, into the kennel ; neither do 

ey much regard cloaths, unlefs to fell them ; for 
heir rags are part of their tools with which the/ 
rork : they want only ale, brandy, and other 
trong liquors, which cannot be had without mo* 
wy : and money, as they conceive, always abounds 
a the metropolis. 

I had fome other thoughts to offer upon this 
bbj'.ct. But as I am a deiponder in my nature, 
nd have tolerably well difcovered the difpolition 
f our people, who never will move a ftep towards 


262 A PROPOSAL, &c. 

eafing themfelves from any one tingle grievance ; i 
will be thought, that I have already faid too much 
and to little or no purpofe, which hath often beej 
the fate or fortune of the writer. 

April 22. 


j, swift; 


C 263 ] 

#-^4^x^5^^^^4f : te 

ADVICE to the freemen of the city of 
Dublin, in the choice of a Member to 
reprefent them in parliament *. 

THOSE few writers, who, ilnce the death of 
Alderman Burton, have employed their pens 
in giving advice to our citizens, how they fhould 
proceed in electing a new reprefentative for the next 
feffions, having laid afide their pens ; I have rea- 
fon to hope, that all true lovers of their country in 
(general, and particularly thole who have any re- 
gard for the privileges and liberties of this great 
and ancient city, will think a fecond, and a third 
time, before they come to a final determination up- 
on what perfon they refolve to fix their choice. 

I am told, there are only two perfons who fet up 

for candidates : one is the prefent Lord Mayor +, 

ind the other i, a gentleman of good efteem, and 

ilderman of the city, a merchant of reputation, 

id poiTerTed of a confiddrable office || under the 
:rown The queftion is, "Which of thefe two per- 
'Ibns it will be moft for the advantage of the city to 
?lect t I have but little acquaintance with either, fo 
:hat my inquiries will be very impartial, and drawa 
>nly from the general character acd fituation of 

* This piece was.publifhed in the year 1733 ; and as it ituy be 
feful upon a like cccalion, we have here given it a place. 
j- Humphry F ench. 
t John Macaral. 
J JRe^idev to the barracks. 



In order to this, I muft offer my countryme 
and fellow- citizens fome reafons why I think the 
ought to be more than ordinarily careful at th 
juncture, upon whom they bellow their votes. 

To perform this with more clearnefs, it may t 
proper to give you a fhort flate of our unfortunai 

We conlifr. of two parties, I do not mean Popif 
and Proteftant, high and low church, Enifcopal an 
Sectarians, Whig and Tory ; but of thofe of Ens 
lifh who happen to be born in this kingdom, (who: 
ancestors reduced the whole nation under the ob 
dience of the Englifh crown), and the gentleme 
fent from t'other fide to poffefs moil: of the chi< 
employments here. This latter party is very muc 
enlarged and ftrengthened by the whole power i 
the church, the law, the army, rhe revenue, an 
the civil admmiftration depofited in their hands 
although for polical ends, and to fave appearance 
fome emolovments are full depofited (yet gradual) 
in a imaller number) to perfons born here. Th 
proceeding, fortified with good words and man 
promifes, is fuificient to flatter and feed the hopt 
of hundreds, who will never be one farthing th 
better, as they might eafily be convinced, if" the 
were qualified to think at all. 

Civil employments of all kinds have been for ft 
veral years pall with great prudence made preca 
rious, and during pleafure ; by which means th 
pofleilbrs are, and muff inevitably be, for ever de 
pendent ; yet thofe very few of any confequence 
which being dealt with io fparing a hand to perfon 
born among us, are enough to keep hope alive ii 
great numbers, who defire to mend their conditio! 
by the favour of thofe in power. 

Now, my dear fellow-citizens, how is it poflibL 
you can conceive that any perfon who holds an of 
iice of fome hundred pounds a-year, which may b: 
taken from him whenever power ihall think fit 



will, if he mould be chofen a member for any city, 
do the leaft thing, when he fits in the houie, that 
lie knows or fears may be difpleaiing to thole who 
*ave him, or continue him in that office ? Believe 
ne, thefe are no times to expect fuch an exalted de- 
cree of virtue from mortal men. Blazing (tars are 
nuch more frequently feen than fuch heroicai wor- 
hies. And I could iboner hope to find ten thou- 
and pounds by digging in my garden, than fuch a 
>hcenix by fearching among the prefent race of 

I cannot forbear thinking it a very erroneous as 
veil as modern maxim of politics in the Englilh 
liation, to take every opportunity of deprefimg 
Ireland, whereof an hundred inftances may be pro- 
duced in points of the higheft importance, had 
t.'ithin the memory of every middle-aged man : 
i lthough many of the greateft perfons among that 
; arty which now prevails, have formerly, upon that 
. rticle, much differed in their opinion from their 
Itrefent fucceflbrs. 

But fo the fact, ftands at prefent. It is plain, 
fiat the court and country party here (I mean in 
e houfe of Commons) very feldom agree in any 
ing but their loyalty to his prefent Majefty, their 
solutions to make him and his viceroy eafy in the 
pvernment, to the utmoit of their power, under 
|ie prefent condition of the kingdom. But the 
rfons fent from England, who (to a trifle) are 
>fTefled of the fole executive power in all its 
ranches, with their few adherents in pofleffion 
ho were born here, and hundreds of expectants, 
opers, and promifees, put on quite contrary notions 
ith regard to Ireland. They count upon a uni- 
-fU fubmiffion to whatever mail be demanded ; 
.erein they act fafely, becaufe none of themfelvcs, 
cept the candidates, feel the icaft of our prcf- 
Vol. IV. Z I 


I remember a perfon of diftinction fome days ag(i 
affirmed in a "ood deal of mixed company, and o [ 
both parties, that the gentry from England, wKt] 
now enjoy Our higheft employments of all kind< 
can never be poffibly iofeis of one farthing by thj 
greateft calamities that can befal this kingdom, ex| 
cept a plague that would fweep away a million c 
our hewers 'of ivoo.1, and drawers of water ; or a 
invailon that would fright our grandees out of th 
kingdom. For this perfon argued, that while thei 
was a penny left in the treafury, the civil and mil 
tary lift rnuftbe paid ; and that the Epiicopal rev<| 
nues, which are ulually farmed out at fix times bi I 
low the real value, could hardly fail. He infifte 
farther, that, as money diminifhed, the prices ( I 
all neceffiiries for life mull of confequence do : 
too, which would be for the advantage of all pe J 
ions in employment, as well as of my Lords til 
Bilhops, and to the ruin of every body eife. Amor I 
the company there wanted not men in office, befid |J 
one or two expectants : yet I did not obferve any < | 
them difpofed to return an anfwer : but the conf | 
quences drawn were thefe : That the great men 
power fent hither from the other fide were by il 
means upon the fame foot with his Majefty's oth | 
fubjecls of Ireland. They had no common lig 
ment to bind them with us ; they fuffered not wi 
our fuffeiings, and if it were poffible for us to ha 
any caufe of rejoicing, tliey could not rejoice wi 

43 S. 

..iSuppofe a perfon, born intliis kingdom, fh; 
iiappen by' his fervices for the Engliih intereft- 
have an employment conferred on him worth foi 
hundred pounds a-ycar ; and that he hath likewi 
an eftatein land worth four hundred pounds a-ye 
more : fuppoie him to lit in parliament : the 
llippofe a ls-nd-tax to be brought in of five Ihiilin 
a-pound for ten years: I tell you how this gentl 
man will compute. lie -hath four hundred poun 



fr-year in land : the tax he muft pay yearly is one 
hundred pounds ; by which, in ten years, he wjU 
pay only a thoufand pounds. But if he gives his 
vote againft this tax, he will lofe four thoufand 
1 pounds by being turned out of his employment, 
together with the power and influence he hath, by 
virtue or colour of his employment ; and thus the 
\ balance will be againft him three thoufand pounds. 
Idefire, my fellow-citizens, you will pleafe to 
,call to mind how many perfons you can vouch for 
jamong your acquaintance, who liave fo much vir- 
tue and felf-denial, as to lofe four hundred pounds 
|a-year for life, together with the froiles and favour 
pf power, and the hopes of higher advancement, 
merely out of a generous love of his country. 

The contentions of partkt in England are very 

,iifierent from thofe among us. The battle there is 

fought for power and riches ; and fo it is indeed 

imong us : but whether a great employment be gi- 

/en to Tom or to Peter, they were both born in 

England, the profits are to be fpent there. All 

employments (except a very few) are beftowed on 

he natives : they do not fend to Germany, Holland, 

i>weden, or Denmark, much lefs -to Ireland, for 

hancellors, bifhops, judges, or other officers. 

lieir falaries, whether well or ill got, are employ- 

d at home ; and whatever their morals or politics 

,e, the nation is not the poorer, 

Ihe houfe of Commons in England have fre 

uently endeavoured to limit the number of mem- 

ts, who ihould be allowed to have employments 

ider the crown. Several acts have been' made to 

at purpofe, which many wife men think are not 

t effectual enough, and many of them are render- 

1 ineffectual by leaving the power of re -election.. 

ur houfe of Commons coni'iiis, I think, of about 

ree hundred members ; if one hundred of thefe 

ould happen to be made up of perfons already 

'ovided for, joined with exp-.:clers, compliers, 

Z.2. . eaiy 


eafy to be perfuaded, fuch as will give a vote for 
friend who is in hopes to get (bmething ; if they t j 
merry companions, without fufpicion, of a natur: 
bafhfulnefs, not apt or able to look forwards ; 
good words, fmiles, and careftes, have any powi j 
over them, the larger part of a fecond hundred m; 
be very eaflly brought in at a moft reafonable rat 

There is an Englishman * of no long Handing 
mong us, but in an employment of great trujl 
power, and profit. This excellent perfon did lat 
ly publiih, at his own expenfe, a pamphlet, printi 
in England by authority, to juftify the bill for a g j 
neral excife, or inland duty, in order to introdu 
that blefTed fcheme among us. "What a tender ca jj 
mure fuch an Englifh patriot for Ireland have of o H 
intereft, if he fhould condefcend to fit in our pz 
liament ? I will bridle my indignation. Howev< j 
methinks I long to fee that mortal, who would wi I 
pleafure blow us up all at a blafl ; but he duly 1 1 
ceives his thoufand pounds a year; makes his pr 
grefs like a king ; is received in pomp at every to\ 
f and village where he travels, and fhines in t 
Englifh news-papers. 

I will now apply what I have faid to you, my bi 
thren and fellow-citizens. Count upon it, as a tru 
next to your creed, that no one perfon in office, 
which he is not mafter for life, whether born he 
or in England, will ever hazard that office for t. 
good of this country. One of your candidates 
df this kind, and I believe him to be an honeft ge 
tleman, as the word honeft is generelly underftoo 
But he loves his employment better than he do 
you, or his country, or all the countries upon cart 
Will you contribute or give him city-fecurity to p 
him the value of his employment, if it fhould be t 

* Edwaid Thomfon, Efq j member of parliament for York, a 
a commiUioncr of the revenue of Ireland. 

f Mr Thornton was prefented with his freedom of feveralcorj 
rations in 



ken from him during his life, for voting on all 00 
cafions with the honeft country-party in the houfe? 
'although I much queftion, whether he would do 
Jit even upon that condition. 

Wherefore, fince there are but two candidates, 
1 intreat you will fix on the prefent Lord Mayor. 
;He hath fnewn more virtue, more activity, more 
pill, in one year's government of the city,' than an 
hundred years can equal He hath endeavoured 
pith great fuccefs to banifh frauds, corruptions, 
lind all other abufes from amongil you. 

A dozen fuch men in power would be able to 
reform a kingdom. He hath no employment un- 
fier the crown ; nor is likely ro get or folicit for a- 
JjV ; his education having not turned him that wav.. 
will aliure for no man's future conduct ; but he 
'ho hath hitherto practifed the rules of virtue with 
10 much difficulty, in fo great and fo bufy a ftation^ 
leferves your thanks, and the belt return you can 
make him; and you, my brethren, have no other 
3 give him, than that of reprefenting you in par- 
ament. Tell me not of your engagements and 
romiies to another. Your promifes were fins of 
iconfideration at belt; 7md you are bound to re- 
lent and annul them. That gentleman, although 
ith good reputation, is already engaged on the o- 
kr fide. He hath four hundred pounds a-year 
ader the crown, which he is to> wife to part with, 
\i facriiicing fo good an eftablifhment to the empty 
kmes of virtue, and love o his country^ I can 
hare yen, the Drapier is in the interefts of the pre- 
nt Lord Mayor, whatever you may be told to the 
ntrary. I have lately heard him declare ih in pu- 
lic company, and offer feme of thefe very reafons 
defence of his opinion ; although he hath a re- 
d and eiteem for the other gentleman, but would 
t anfwerthe good of the city and the kingdom 
r a compliment. 

Z 3 The 

2 7 o ADVICE TO THE, &c. J 

The Lord Mayor's feverity to fome unfair deal 
ers fhould not turn the honeft men among them a 
gainft him. Whatever he did, was for the advan 
tage of thofe very traders whole difhoneft member 
he punifhed. He hath hitherto been above tempta 
tion to act wrong ; and therefore, as mankind goes 
he is the moft likely to act right as a reprefentativ I 
of your city, as he conftantly did in the goverr 
meiit of it. 


[ 271 ] 

m^^yjfH^A>^^m^^H^^H Y Mh^ 

Some Considerations humbly offered to the 
Right Honourable the Lord Mayor, the 
court of Aldermen and Common Council 
of the Hon. city of Dublin, in the choice 
of a Recorder *. 

THE office of Recorder to this city being va- 
cant by the death of a very worthy gentle- 
man, it is faid, that five or fix perfons are foliat- 
ing to fucceed him i 1 the employment. I am a 
ftranger to all their perfons, and to moft of their 
characters ; which latter, I hope, will at this time 
be canvafied with more decency, than it fomctimes 
happeneth upon the like occafions. Therefore, as 
I am wholly impartial, I can with more freedom 
deliver my thoughts, how the feveral perfons and 
parties concerned ought to proceed in electing a re- 
corder for this great and ancient city. 

And firft, as it is a very natural, fo I can by no 
means think it an unreafonable opinion, that the 
fons, or near relations of aldermen, and other de- 
serving citizens, mould be duly regarded, as pro- 
per competitors for an employment in the city's 
difpofal : provided they be equally qualified with 
other candidates ; and provided that fuch employ- 
ments require no more than common abilities and 
common honefty. But, in the choice of a record- 

* Up.i n the death of Mr. Stoyte, recorder of the city of Dublin, 

in the year 1733, feveral gentlemen declared themfelves candidates 

i to fucce.d him 5 upon which the Dean wrote this p.iper ; acd E.Aton 

I Stannard, Efq; (a gentleman of great woith and honour, and very 

knowing in his profeflion). w^s eiedtcd. 



er, the cafe is entirely different. He ought to be a 
perfon of good abilities in his calling ; of an un- 
fpotted character ; an able practitioner ; one who 
hath occafionally merited of this city before : He 
ought to be of fome maturity in years ; a member 
of parliament, and likely to continue fo ; regular 
in his life; firm in his loyalty to the Hanover fuc^ 
cefHon; indulgent to tender confciences ; but, at 
the fame time, a firm adherer to the eftablifhed 
church. If he be fuch a one, who haih already fat 
in parliament, it ought to be inquired of what 
weight he was there ; whether he voted on all oc- 
casions for the good of his country ; and particu- 
laaly for advancing the trade and freedom of this 
city : whether he be engaged in. any faction, either 
national or religious: And laftly, whether he be 
a man of courage : not to be drawn from his 
duty by the frowns or menaces of power, nor cap- 
able to be corrupted by allurements or bribes. 

Thefe, and many other particulars, are of infi- 
nitely more confequence than that ilngle circum- 
ftance of being defcended by a direct or collateral 
line from any alderman, or diftinguifhed citizen, 
dead or alive. 

There is not a dealer or fhopkeeper in this city 
of any fubttance, whofe thriving, lefs or more, 
may not depend upon the good or ill conduct of a 
recorder. He is to watch every motion in parlia- 
ment, that may the leaft affect the freedom, trade, 
or welfare of ir. 

In this approaching election, the Commons, as 
they are a numerous body, fo they feem to be 
moft concerned in point of intereft ; and their in- 
tereft- ought to be moft regarded, becaufe it alto- 
gether dependeth upon the true intereft of the city. 
They have no private views ; and giving their votes, 
as I am informed, by balloting, they lie under no 
awe, or fear of diiobliging competitors. It is 
therefore hoped, that they will duly confider,, 



which of the candidates is moil likely to advance 
the trade of themfelves and their brother-citizens ; 
to defend their liberties, both in and cut of parlia- 
ment, againft all attempts of incroachment or op- 
preflion. And fo God direct them in tl\e choice 
of a recorder, who may for many years fupply 
that important office w 7 ith {kill, diligence, courage, 
and fidelity. And let all the people fay, Amen. 


I $74 1 

The lad Speech and Dying Words of Ebe 
nezer Elliston, who was executed the 
2d day of May 1722 *. 

Publiihed at his defire, for the common good.. 

[About the time that the following fpeech wa. 
written, the town was much peftered with ftreet 
robber ; who, in a barbarous manner, would feizc 
on gentlemen, and take them into remote corners, 
and after they had robbed them, would leave their 
bound and gagged. It is remarkable, that this 
fpeech had fo good an effect, that there have 
been very few robberies of that kind committed 

AM now going to fuffer the juft punimment 
-* for my crimes, prefcribed by the law of God and 
my country. I know it is the conftant cuftom, 
that thofe who come to this place mould have 
fpeeches made for them, and cried about in their 
own hearing, as they are carried to execution ; 
and truly they are fuch fpeeches, that, although 
our fraternity be an ignorant illiterate people, they 
would make a man afhamed to have fuch nonfenfe 
and falfe Englifh charged upon him, even when he 

* This piece hai a mod excellent efifecl:. The thieves, vaga- 
bonds, and all the lower clafs of people, thought it the real work of 
"Ebt nezer El'ifton, who had received the grounds of a goodedu.a- 
ti n ; and the ftyle of this paper is fo natural for a perfin in 
fuch circumfLnces, that it would almorl de.cive the niceft judg- 
ment. On try. 



is going to the gallows. They contain a pretended 
account of our birth and family, of the fact for 
which we are to die, of our finccre repentance, and 
a declaration of our religion. I cannot expect to 
avoid the fame treatment with my predeceflbrs. 
However, having had an education one or two de- 
grees better than thofe of my rank and profeflion, 
II have been confidering, ever ilnce my commit- 
ment, what it might be proper for me to deliver 
j upon this occafion. 

And firft, I cannot fay from the bottom of my 
beart, that I am truly forry for the offence I have 
given to God, and the world; but I am very much 
fo, fipr the bad fuccefs of my villanies in bringing 
rne to this untimely end. For it is plainly evident, 
that, after having feme time ago obtained a pardon 
from the crown, I again took up my old trade : 
my evil habits were fo rooted in me, and I was 
grown fo unfit for any other kind of employment. 
And therefore, although, in compliance with my 
r riends, I refolve to go to the gallows after the 
fual manner, kneeling, with a book in my hand, 
nd my eyes lift up-; yet I ihali feel no more de- 
rotion in my heart than I have obferved in my 
omrades, who have been drunk among common 
hores the very night before their execution. I 
an lay farther from my own knowledge, that two 
f my fraternity after they had been hanged, and 
onderfully came to life, and made their efcapes, 
s it fometimes 'happens, proved afterwards the 
ickedeft rogues I ever knew, and lb continued until 
hey were hanged again for good and all ; and yet 
hey had the impudence at both times they went to 
he gallows to finite their breaits, and lift up their 
yes to heaven all the way. 

Secondly, From the knowledge I have of my 

wn wicked difpofiticns, and that of my comradtr, 

give it as my opinion, that nothing can be more 

nfortunate to the public, than the mercy of the 



government in ever pardoning or tranfporting us ; 
unlefs when we betray one another, as we never 
fail to do, if we are fure to be well paid, and then 
a pardon may do good ; by the fame rule, That it 
is better to have but one fox in a farm than three or 
four. But we generally make a fhift to return af- 
ter being tranfported, and are ten times greater 
rogues than before, and much more cunning. Be- 
fides, I know it by experience, that fome hope we 
have of finding mercy, when we are tried, or after 
we are condemned, is always a great encourage- 
ment to us. 

Thirdly, Nothing is more dangerous to idle 
young fellows than the company of thofe odiou? 
common whores we frequent, and of which thi: 
town is full : tbefe wretches put us upon all mif 
chief to feed their luits and extravsancies : the> 

O 4 

are ten times more bloody and cruel than men 
their advice is always not to fpare if we are purfu 
ed ; they get drunk with us, and are common t< 
us all ; and yet, if they can get any thing by it 
are fure to be our betrayers. 

Now, as I am a dying man, fomething I hav< 
done which may be of good ufe to the public, 
have left with an honeft man, (and indeed the on 
ly honeft man I was ever acquainted with), the 
names of all my wicked brethren, the prefent place 
of their abode, with a fhort account of the chie: 
crimes they have committed, in many of which . 
have been their accomplice, and heard the ref 
from their own mouths ; I have likewife fet dowi 
the names of thofe we call our fetters, of the wic 
ked houfes we frequent, and of thofe who receive 
nnd buy our ftolen goods. I have folemnly charg' 
edthis honeft man, and have received his promifc 
upon oath, that whenever he hears of any rogue t( 
be tried for robbing, or houfebrcaking, he wil 
look into his lift, and if he finds the name there o: 
the thief concerned, to fend the whole paper tc 



the government. Of* this I here give my compa- 
nions fair and public warning, and hope they will 
take it 

In the paper above mentioned, which I left with 
my friend, I have alfo fet down the names of feve- 
ral gentlemen who have been robbed in Dublin 
ftreets for three years pail ; I have told the cir- 
cumftances of thofe robberies ; and fhewn plainly 
that nothing but the want of common courage was 
rhe caufe of their misfortune. I have therefore 
defired my friend, that whenever any gentleman 
happens to be robbed in the ftreets, he will get 
that relation printed and publifhed with the firffc 
letters of thofe gentlemens names, who by their 
own want of bravery are likely to be the caufe of 
all the mifchief of that kind which may happen for 
the future. 

I cannot leave the world without a fhort defcrip- 
tion of that kind of life, which I have led for feme 
years paft ; and is exactly the fame with the reft of 
our wicked brethren. 

Although we are generally fo corrupted from 
our childhood, as to have no fenfe of goodnefs ; 
pet fomething heavy always hangs about us, I know 
lot what it is, that we are never eafy till we are 
lalf-drunk among our whores and companions ; 
lor fleep found unlefs we drink longer than we can 
land. If we go abroad in the day, a wife man 
vould ealily find us to be rogues by our faces, we 
ave fuch a fufpicious, fearful, and conftrained 
ountenance often turning back, and {linking 
rough narrow lanes and alleys. I v have never 
iled of knowing a brother-thief by his looks, 
ough I never faw him before. Every man among 
s keeps his particular whore, who is however 
mmon to us all, when we have a mind to change, 
"hen we have got a booty, if it be in money, we 
ivide it equally among our companions, and foon 
uander it away on our vices, in thefe hcufes that 
Vol. IV. A a receive 


receive us ; for the mafter and miftrefs, and the 
very tapfter, go fnacks ; and befides make us pay 
triple reckonings. If our plunder be plate, watch- 
es, rings, muff-boxes, and the like, we have cuf- 
tomers in all quarters of the town to take them oft*. 
I have feen a tankard worth fifteen pounds fold to 

a fellow in ftreet for twenty millings ; and a' 

gold watch for thirty. I have fet down his name, 
and that of feveral others, in the paper already men- 
tioned. We have fetters watching in corners, and 
by dead walls, to give us notice when a gentleman 
goes by ; efpecially if he be any thing in drink. 
I believe in my confidence, .that if an account were 
mad^ of a thoufand pounds in ftolen goods,, con- 
sidering the low rates we fell them at, the bribes 
we muft give for concealment, the extortions of 
alehoufe-reckonings, and other neceffary charges, 
th ere would not remain fifty pounds clear to be di- 
vided among the robbers. And out of this we 
muft find cloaths for our whores, befides treating 
them from morning to night ; who in requital re- 
ward us with nothing but treachery and the pox. 
For when our money is gone, they are every mo- 
ment threatening to inform againft us, if we will 
not go out and look for more. If any thing in 
this world be like hell, as I have heard it defcrib- 
cd by our clergy, the trueft picture of it muft be 
in the backroom of one of our alehoufes at mid 
night ; where a crew of robbers and their whores 
are met together after a booty, and are beginning 
to grow drunk ; from which time, until they are 
paft their fenfes, is fuch a continued horrible noife 
of curling, blafphemy, lewdnefs, fcurrility, and 
brutilh behaviour, fuch roaring and confufion, 
fuch a clutter of mugs and pots at each other's 
heads ; that bedlam, in comparifon, is a fober and 
orderly place. At laft, they all tumble from their 
ffools and benches, and ileep away the reft of the 
laight ; and generally the landlord or his wife, or 



fome other whore who has a ftronger head than 
the reft, picks their pockets before they wake. The 
misfortune is, that we can never be eafy till we are 
drunk ; and our drunkennefs conftantly expofes us 
tt> be more eafily betrayed and taken. 

This is a fhort picture of the life 1 have led ; 
which is more miferable than that of the pporeft 
labourer, who works for fourpence a- day ; and yet 
cuftom is fo ftrong, that I am confident, if I could 
make my efcape at the foot of the gallows, I ihould 
be following the fame courfe this very evening. So 
that, upon the whole, we ought to be looked upon 
as the common enemies of mankind ; whofe inte- 
reft it is to root us cut like wolves and other mif- 
chievous vermin, againft which no fair play is re- 

If I have done fervice to men in what I have faid, 
I mail hope I have done fervice to God ; and that 
will be better than a filly fpeech made for me, full 
of whining and canting, which I utterly defpife, 
and have never been ufed to ; yet fuch a -one I ex- 
pect to have my ears tormented with, as I am pafT- 
ling along the ftreets. 

Good people, fare ye well ; bad as I am, I leave 
1 many worfe behind me. I hppe you fhall fee me 
1 die like a man the death of- a dog. 

E. E. 

A a 2 The 

C 280 ] 



T may be faid, without offence to other cities of 
much greater confequence to the world, that our 
town of Dublin doth not want its due proportion 
of folly and vice, both negative and imported ; and 

* The Intelligencer was a weekly paptr undei taken by the Dean and 
Dr. Sheridan in 1728, of which no more than twenly numbers were 
ever publifhed. The ift, 3d, 5th, 7th, 9th, fome verfes in the 8th, 
and at the end of the 10th, ihe 15th, and the 19th, were written by 
the Dean. The 5th and 7th are put together and printed as they were 
publifhed by Mr Pope in the 4th volume of their mifcellanies, under 
the title of An EJJ'ay on ibe fates of clergymen, vol. 8. p. J 89. The 
poefy in the 8th, is the dialogue between mad Mullinix and Timitby, 
which is printed, as it was alio claffed by Mr Pope, in vol. 7. p 193. 
The 9th he intitled An ejjay on modern education, and by that name it 
will be found in vol. 7. p. 197. The verfes at the end of the 10th, 
called 1 im and the Fables y are printed in vol. 8. p. 66. The 15'h is 
a pamphlet which Dr. Sheridan, having written a fhort introduction, 
to, took into the Intelligencer, merely to iave the labour of writing a 
paper. Ic is printed in volume 4. and intitled, A port vieiv of the 
pate of Ireland. No 19. is alfo a tract which has been before publish- 
ed by itfelf : and was taken into the Intelligencer for the fame reafon 
as the former. The Dean and the Doctor foon became weary of a 
periodical work, in which they were difappointed of affiftance; the 
price was but one halfpenny; and (o few were Lid, that the piinter 
could not afford to engage a young man of proper qualifications to 
work up fuch hints as fhould be fent him ; of which there were e- 
nough, and which the undertakers hoped thus to communicate, with 
lefs labour to the public. The Intelligencers were collected into a vo- 
lume, and reprinted in England in 1730. See letter 6z. 



as to thofe imported, we have the advantage to re- 
ceive them laft, and confequently, after our happy 
manner, to improve and refine upon them. 

But, becaufe there are many effects of folly and 
vice among us, whereof fome are general, and o- 
thers confined to fmaller numbers, and others a- 
gain perhaps to a few individuals ; there is a focie- 
ty lately eftablifhed, who at great expenfe have e- 
rected an office of intelligence, from which they 
are to receive weekly information of all important 
,events and Angularities, which this famous metro- 
polis can furnifh. Strict injunctions are given to 
pave the trueft information; in order to which, 
fcrtain qualified perfons are employed to attend 
upon duty in their feveral pofts ; fome at the play- 
lioufe, others in churches, fome at balls, aiTem- 
plies, coffeehoufes, and meetings for quadrille ; 
bme at the feveral courts of juftice, both fpiritual 
Lnd temporal ; fome at the college, fome upon my 
Lord Mayor and aldermen in their public affairs ; 
pftly, fome to converfe with favourite chamber- 
maids, and to frequent thofe alehoufes and brandy 
i iiops where the footmen of great families meet in 
I morning ; only the * barracks and parliainent- 
loufe are excepted ; becaufe we have yet found no 
\nfans perdus f bold enough to venture their per- 
B)ns at either. Out of thefe and fome other ftore- 5 
louies, we hope to gather materials enough to in- 
prm, or divert, or correct, or vex the town. 
But as facts, paffages, and adventures - of all 
nds are like to have the greateft fhare in our pa- 
r, whereof we cannot always anfwer for the 
uth ; due care fhall be taken to have them appli- 
to feigned names, whereby all juft offence will' 
removed ; for if none be guilty, none will havs- 

!* Barracks, buildings for the lodgement of foldiers. 
if Er.fam perdus, forlorn hope. See Preface to the JBlili op of Sa- 
l's introduction. 

A ar 3 caufc 


caufe to blum or be angry ; if otherwife, then the 
guilty perfon is fafe for the future upon his prefent 
amendment, and fafe for the prefent from all but 
his own confcience. 

There is another refolution taken among us, 
which I fear will give a greater and more general 
difcontent, and is of fo lingular a nature, that I 
have hardly confidence enough to mention it, al- 
though it be abfolutely neceffary by way of apolo- 
gy for fo bold and unpopular an attempt. But fo 
it is, that we have taken a defperate counfel to pro- 
duce into the world every diftinguimed action, ei- 
ther of juftice, prudence, generoiity, charity, friend- 
fhip, or public fpirit, which comes well attefted tc 
us. And although we fhall neither here be fo dar- 
ing as to affign names, yet we fhall hardly forbeai 
to give fome hints, that, perhaps, to the great dif 
pleafure of fuch deferving perfons, may endangei 
a difcovery. For we think, that even virtue itfel: 
fhould fubmit to fuch a mortification, as by its vifi 
bility and example will render it more ufeful to th< 
world. But however, the readers of thele paper: 
need not be in pain of being overcharged with f< 
dull and ungrateful a fubjecl. And yet who knows 
but fuch an occafion may he offered to us once ii 
a year or two, after we have fettled a correfpon 
dence round the kingdom. 

But after all qui boafts of materials fent us bi 
our feveral emilia :i< s, we may probably foon fal 
Jhort, if the town will not be pleafed to lend u: 
further affiftance towards entertaining itfelf, Th< 
world beft knows its own faults and virtues, anc h 
whatever is fent ihall be faithfully returned back 
only a little embclliflied, according to the cufton 
of authors. We do therefore demand and ex 
peel: continual advertifements in great numbers, t( 
to be fent to the printfr of this paper, who hatl 
employed a judicious fecretary to collect fuch as ma} 
be moil ufeful for the public. 



And although we do not intend to expofe our own 
perfons by mentioning names, yet we are fo far from 
requiring the fame caution in our correfpondents, 
that, on the contrary, we exprefsly charge and 
command them, in all the facts they fend us, to fet 
down the names, titles, and places of abode at 
length ; together with a very particular defcription 
of the " perfons, drefTes, difpofitions of the fever- 
" al lords, ladies, 'fquires, madams, lawyers, game- 
" fters, toupees, fots, wits, rakes, and informers," 
whom they mail have occafion to mention ; other- 
iwife it will not be poflible for us to adjuft our ftyle 
to the different qualities and capacities of the perfcn 
iconcerned, and treat them with the refpect or fa- 
imiliarity, that may be due to their ftations and 
1 characters, which we are determined to obferve with 
the utmoft ftrictnefs, that none may have caufe to 

4* $ && 4**$* $*# $*& *$**$ <!*$"$ $ $* $$$* 


Ipfe per cranes 
lblt per Jonas ^ et tut bam reddet in unam. 

THe players having now almoft done with the 
comedy called the Beggar's Opera for the fea- 
fon ; it may be no unpleafent fpeculation, to reflect 
a little upon this dramatic piece, fo Angular in the 
iubject and manner, fo much an original, and 
which hath frequently given fo very agreeable an 
entertainment *. 

Athough an evil tafte be very apt to prevail, 
both here and in London ; yet there is a point, 
which whoever can rightly touch will never fail of 
plealing a very great majority ; fo great, that the 

* See Lemss to aad from Vt, Swift, 



diflikers, out of dulnefs or affectation, will be filcnt, 
and forced to fall in with the herd : the point I 
mean is, what we call humour ; which, in its per- 
fection, is allowed to be much preferable to wit ; 
if it be not rather the moil ufeful and agreeable 
fpecies of it. 

I agree with Sir William Temple, that the word 
is peculiar to our Englilh tongue ; but I differ from 
him in the opinion, that the thing itfelf is peculiar 
to the Englifh nation ; becaufe the contrary may be 
found in many Spanifh, Italian, and French pro- 
ductions : and particularly, whoever hath a tafte 
for true humour, will find an hundred inftances of 
it in thefe volumes printed in France under the 
name of he Theatre Italien ; to fay nothing of Ra- 
belais, Cervantes, and many others. 

Now, I take the comedy, or farce, (or whatever 
name the critics will allow it), called the Beggar's 
Opera to excel in this article of humour ; and, 
upon that merit, to have met with fuch prodigious 
fuccefs, both here and in England. 

As to poetry, eloquence, and mufic, which are 
faid to have moft power over the minds of men ; 
it is certain, that very few have a tafte or judgment 
of the excellencies of the two former ; and if a man 
iucceed in either, it is upon the authority of thofe 
few judges, that lend their tafte to the bulk of 
readers, who have none of their own. I am told 
there are as few good judges in mufic ; and that , 
among thofe who croud the operas, nine in ten 
go thither merely out of curiofity, fafhion, or af- 

But a tafte for humour is in fome manner fixed 
to the very nature of man, and generally obvious 
to the vulgar, except upon fubjects too refined, and 
fuperior to their underftanding. 

And as this tafte of humour is purely natural, 
fo is humour itfelf; neither is it a talent confined 
to men of wit or learning ; for we obferve it fome- 



imcs among common fervants, and the mcaneft of 
,he people, while the very owners are often igno- 
ant of the gift they poflHs. 

I know very well, that this happy talent is con- 
:mptibly treated by critics, under the name of low 
umour, or low comedy ; but I know likewife that 
le Spaniards and Italians, who are allowed to have 
le molt wit of any nations in Europe, do moil 
xcel in it, and do moft efteem it. 

By what difpofition of the mind, what influence 
if the ftars, or what fituation of the climate, this 
adowment is beftowed upon mankind, may be a 
jueftion fit for philofophers to difcufs. It is cer- 
linly the beft ingredient towards that kind of fa- 
ire which is moft ufeful, and gives the leaft of- 
fence ; which, inftead of lafhing, laughs men out 
If their follies and vices ; and is the character that 
gives Horace the preference to Juvenal. 

And although fome things are too ferious, fo- 
umn, or facred, to be turned into ridicule, yet 
Bie abufes of them are certainly not ; fince it is 
((lowed, that corruptions in religion, politics, and 
Iw, may be proper topics for this kind of fatire. 

There are two ends that men propofe in writing 
tire : one of them lefs noble than the other, as 
u:garding nothing further than the private fatisfac 
bo and pleafure of the writer ; but without any 
jew towards perfonal malice : the other is a pub- 
c fpirit, prompting men of genius and virtue to 
tyend the world as far as they are able. And as 
kth thefe ends are innocent, fo the latter is high- 
I commendable. With regard to the former I 
> smand, whether I have not as good a title to laugh 
; men have to be ridiculous ; and to expofe vice, 
I another hath to be vitious. If I ridicule the fol- 
ios and corruptions of a court, a miniftry, or a fe- 
, ite, are they not amply paid by penfions, titles, 
fid power, while I expect and deflre no other re- 
rard, than that of laughing with a few friends in 


a earner ? yet if tliofe who take offence think n ; 
in the wrong, I am ready to change the fcene wii 
them whenever they pleafe. 

But if my defign be to make mankind bette l 
then I think it is my duty ; at leaft, I am fure it 
the intereft of thofe very courts and minifter 
v/hofe follies or vices I ridicule, to reward me f( 
my good intentions : for if it be reckoned a hig 
point of wifdom to get the laughers on our fid 
it is much more eafy, as well as wife, to get tho | 
on our fide, who can make millions laugh wht 
they pleafe. 

My reafon for mentioning courts and minifter 
" (whom I never think on but with the moft pn 
(i found veneration)," is, becaufe an opinion o 
tains, that in the Beggar's Opera there appears i 
be fome reflection upon courtiers and ftatefme: 
whereof I am by no means a judge. 

It is true, indeed, that Mr. Gay, the author <l 
this piece, hath been fomewhat lingular in til 
courie of his fortunes; for it hath happened, th;| 
after fourteen years attending the court, with 
large ftock of real merit, a modeft and agreeab 
converfation, a hundred promifes, and five hur 
dred friends, he hath failed of preferment ; an 
upon a very weighty reafon. He lay under tfc 
fufpicion of having written a libel or lampoon i 
gainft a great minifter *. It is true, that great m 
nifter was demonftratively convinced, and publicl 
owned his -conviction, that Mr. Gat was not th 
author ; but having lain under the fufpicion, 
i eemed very juft that he mould finTer the punifh 
ment ; becaufe, in this moft reformed age, the vii 
tues of a prime minifter are no more to be fufpeel 
ed, than the chaftity of Ciefar's wife. 
' It muft be allowed, that the Beggar's Opera i 
not the firft of Mr. Gay's works, wherein he had 

# Sir Robert Walpole, afccrwarJs Earl of Orford. 



been faulty with regard to courtiers and ltatefmen. 
for to omit his other pieces; even in his fables, 
:>ubliihed within two years paft, and dedicated to 
,Jie Duke of Cumberland, for which he was pro- 
nifed a reward, he hath been thought fomewhat 
00 bold upon the courtiers. And although it be 
lighly probable he meant, only the courtiers of for- 
jner times, yet he acted unwarily, by not confider- 
ng, that the malignity of fome people might mif- 
jnterpret what he laid to the difadvantage of pre- 
sent perfons and affairs. 

But I have now done with Mr. Gay as a politi- 
,ian ; and fhail conflder him henceforward only as 
Uthor of the Beggar's Opera, wherein he haih, 
:y a turn of humour, entirely new, placed vices 
Af all kinds in the ftrongeft and moil odious light; 
,nd diereby done eminent fervice both to religion 
nd morality. This appears from the unparalleiled 
luccefs he hath met with. All ranks, parties, and 
denominations of men, either crouding to fee his 
Ipera, or reading it with delight in their clofets ; even 
pmifters of ftate, whom he is thought to have moil: 
offended, (next to thofe whom the actors reprefent), 
Ippearing frequently at the theatre, from a con- 
fcioufnefs of their own innocence, and to convince 
tie world how unjuft a parallel malice, envy, and 
lifafrection to the government have made. 
,;I am allured, that feveral worthy clergymen in 
Jjiis city went privately to fee the Beggar's Opera 
(eprefented ; and that the fleering coxcombs in the 
lit amufed themfclves with .making difcoveries, and 
Lreading the names of thofe gentlemen round the 

I fhall not pretend to vindicate a clergyman who 
Lould appear openly in his habit at a theatre, with 
I ich a vitious crew as might probibly ltand round 
I im, at fuch comedies and profane tragedies as are 
f ften reprefented. Beildes, I know very well, that 
I erfons of their function are bound - to avoid the 



appearance of evil, or of giving caufe of ofFenc 
But when the Lords Chancellors, who are keepe 
of the King's confcience ; when the Judges of tl 
land, whole title is reverend; when ladies, wr 
are bound by the rules of their fex to the ftrictt: 
decency, appear in the theatre without cenfure ; 
cannot underftand, why a young clergyman, wr. 
comes concealed out of curiofity to fee an innoce: 
and moral play, fhould be fo highly condemned 
nor do I much approve the rigour of a great pr j 
late, who faid, " he hoped none of his clergy we: 
" there." I am glad to hear there are no weighl 
er objections againlt that reverend body, plant* 
in this city, and I wifh there never may. But 
fhould be very forry that any of them mould 1 
fo weak, as to imitate a court chaplain in Englan 
who preached againft the Beggar's Opera, whk 
will probably do more good, than a thoufand fe 
mons of fo ftupid, fo injudicious, and fo proltitu I 
a divine *. 

In this happy performance of Mr. Gay's all tl 
characters are juft, and none of them carried h 
yond nature, or hardly beyond practice. It difal 
vers the whole fyftem of that commonwealth, or th; 
imperium in imperii of iniquity eftabliihed amon 
us, by which neither our lives or our properties ai 
fecure, either in the highways, or in public afleiT 
blies, or even in our own houies. It ihews the m 
ferable lives, and the conftant fate of thofe aban 
doncd wretches : for how little they fell their live 
and fouls ; betra\ed by their whores, their come 
rades, and the receivers and purchafers of thoi ! 
thefts and robberies. This comedy contains like; 
wife a fatire, which, without inquiring whether i 
affects the prefent age, may poffibly be ufeful ii 

* Dr. Thomas Heron, chaplain to the foctety at Lincoln's inn 
afterwards Bifhop of Bangor, after that Aichbiihop of York, aui 
now Archbifhop of Canterbury, 



times to come. I mean, where the author takes 

the occafion of comparing thole common robbers 

of the public, and their feveral ftratagems of betr ly- 

I ing, underminining, and hanging each other, to 

I the feveral arts of politicians in times of corrup- 


This comedy likewife expofeth, with great ju- 
(ftice, that unnatural taire for Italian muiic among 
,us, which is wholly unfuitable to our northern eli- 
minate and the genius of the people, whereby we are 
^over-run with the Italian effeminacy, and Italian 
inonfenfe. An old gentleman faid to me, that ma- 
ny years ago, when the practice of an unnatural 
ijvice grew frequent in London, and many were pro- 
secuted for it, he was fure it would be the forerun- 
iner of Italian operas and lingers ; and then we 
,,fhould want nothing but (tabbing, or poifoning, 10 
.jmake us perfect Italians. 

Upon the whole, I deliver my judgement, that 
nothing but fervile attachment to a party, affecta- 
tion of Angularity, lamentable duinefs, mi/Hken 
seal, or ftudied hypocrify, can have the leaft rea- 
fonable objection againft this excellent moral per- 
formance of the celebrated Mr. Gay. 



N U*M B E R XV * 

Lamentations ii. 19. 

jfrife, cry cut in the night ; in the beginning of tl pour out thine heart like water before the fat 
of the Lord ; lift up thy hands towards him, for tl 
life of the young children, that faint for hunger i 
the top of every Jlreet* 

T Remember to have read an account, that an oc 
* which Pindar writ in honour of the ifland Delo 
was inscribed in the temple of Minerva at Athen I 
id large letters of gold. A public and very laudab |i 
acknowledgement for the poet's ingenuity, and fc 
no more than a bare compliment ! Such was the ei 
couragement given by the great and public-fpiritc 
Athenians. Had the fame poet, infpired by a nob 
and heroic ardour, by another ode awakened an 
roufed their whole ftate againft an invading enenv 
or opened their eyes againft any fecret and wicke 
contrivers of their destruction, they would ha^ 
erected him a ftatue at leaft. But, alas ! that fp 
rit is fled from the world, and long fince neglec 
cd. Virtue is become her own paymafter. IV] 
countrymen, I hope, will forgive me, if I complai 
there has been fo little notice taken of a fmall, bi 
moft excellent pamphlet, written by the Drapie 
It is intitied, A fmrt view of the Jtate of Irchu 
["above, p. 53.I. There never was any treati 
yet publilhed, with a zeal more generous for the 1 

* S;e above, p. 280. in the no'-es. 



niverfal good of a nation, or a defign more fealbn- 
able, coniidering our prefent lamentable condition : 
yet we lilten not to the voice of the charmer. 
Whereas it fhould have been infcribcd in capital let- 
ters, (as glorious as thofe of the poet), in the molt 
public part of every corporation-town through this 
whole kingdom, that people might behold the fe- 
veral unprovoked caules of their poverty, our of- 
fences towards heaven excepted. Nay, I will pro- 
ceed further, and fay, that every head of every fa? 
milv ouuht to inftru& his children fo far in this moll 
incomparable pamphlet, that they fhould not only 
under ft and, but be able to repeat by heart every 
ilngle paragraph through- the whole. This was the 
method laid down bv the wifeit law giver that ever 
the world produced, to gain the hearts of the 
people, by working upon their memories-; Dent. 
vi. 7, 8, y. " And thou flialt teach them diiigent 4 - 
" ly unto thy children, and flialt talk of them 
" when thou fitteft in thine houie, and when thou 
walkeft by the way, and when thou Heft down, 
and when thou rifeft up. And thou flialt bind 
them for a fign upon thine hand, and they (hall 
be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou 
flialt write them upon the poits of thy houie, 
and on thy gates." 

And where would b^ the great trouble, fmce we 
ave little die to do, if every man would read a 
ecture of the fhort view every day in his family, 
fter reading prayers ?. Nor do I think the expenfe 
ould be extravagant, if he fiiould liave every page 
f it reprinted, to be hung np in frames in every 
hamber of hishoufe ; that it might be as evident 
s the hand writing on the wall. 
And iince I have ventured thus far to praife and 
commend this moft inimitable piece, let me fpeak 
few words in favour of its Author. 
I would propofe to my countrymen before all their 
:oney goes off, (it is going as faft as poflible), to 





No. 19 

convert it into a few ftatues to the D rapier in thof 
memorable parts of this kingdom, where our he 
roes have fhone with the greatest Inure in defenc 
of our liberty, and the Prof eft ant religion over a' 
Europe ; at Deny, avEnmJkijJing, at Boyne, at Augk 
rim. Nor would it be amifs to fet up a few mor 
about our metropolis, with that glorious inicriptior 
Lihei tas et natale fohtm. 

If our money were metamorphofed upon fuch 
good occafion as this, it would not be in the powc 
of any Cypfelus *, to get it into his own coffers 
and it would be the only method to prevent its beiti 
carried off, except our viceroys mould act like tr 
l\ oman prefects, and run away with our very ft; 

Courteous reader, mark well what follows. 

" I am arTured, that it hath for lome time bee 
* praclifed," &c. [Here The Jbort view of the Jta 
of Ireland, was infer ted verbatim J 

#<&&$$0#<$###<3>#0#$ SOS $$###$<># % 


Sic vos 11011 vobis velleraferth, oves.. 

[N. P. In the following difcpurfe the author petfonatcsa counti 
fertleman in the north or Ireland. And this tetter is ilppoied 
direclt d to the Drapicr. J 

HAving, on the 1 2th of October lafl, received!', 
letter, figned Andrew Dealer, and P.B. 
trick Pennyless, I believe the following papeljjj 

* Cypfelus, a governor of Corinth, who con'.rived a tax whil 
bivughr all lbs money of that flat? to himleJf in ten jears tiirj 
A> l/t, i\ t \r. 


jnft come to my hands, will be a fufticient anfwer 
to it. 

S I R, 

T AM a country-gentleman, and a member of 
A parliament, with an t irate of about 1400I. a- 
year ; which, as a northern landlord, I receive 
from above two hundred tenants : and my lands 
having been let near twenty years ago, the rents, 
until very lately, were efteemed to be not above half 
value ; yet, by the intolerable fcarcity oi filver, I lie 
under the greateft difficulties in receiving them, as 
well as in paying my labourers, or buying any thing 
neceflary for my family from tradefmen, who are 
not able to be long out of their money. But the 
fuflc rings of me, and thofe my rank, are trifles in 
companion of what the meaner fort undergo; fuch 
as the buyers and fellers at fairs and markets ; the 
fhopkeepers in every town ; the farmers in general ; 
all thofe who travel with jfifh, poultry, pedlary- 
ware, and other conveniencics to fe'l : but more 
efpecially handicraftfmen, who work for us by the 
day ; and common labourers, whom I have already 
mentioned. Both thefe kind of people I am for- 
ced to employ until their wages amount to a' 
double piftole or a moidore, (for we hardly have 
my gold of lower value left us), to divide it among 
hemfelves as they can : and this is generally done 
it an alehoufe or brandyihop ; where, befides the 
oft of getting drunk, (which is vfually the cafe), 
hey mult pay ten-pence or a (hilling for changing; 
heir piece into filver to fome huckftering fellow, 
rho follows that trade. But what is infinitely worfe, 
ofe poor men, for want of due payment, are for- 
fled to take up their oatmeal and other neceiTaries 
if life at almoit. double value; and confequently 
re not able to difcharge half their fcore, 
under the fcarccnefs of corn for two years pair, 

Bb 3 and. 


and the melancholy difappointment of the prefent 

The caufes of this, and a thoufand other evils, 
are clear and manlfeft to you and all thinking men. 
although hidden from the vulgar. Thefe indeec 
complain of hard times, the dearth of corn, the 
want of money, the badnefs of feafons ; that theii 
goods bear no price, and the poor cannot fine 
work ; but their weak reafonings never carry then 
to the hatred and contempt borne us by our neigh 
bours and brethren, without the leaft ground of pro 
vocation, who rejoice at ourfuilerings, altho' fome 
times to their own disadvantage. They confider no 
the dead weight upon every beneficial branch ofou 
trade ; that half our revenues are annually fent t 
England ; with many other grievances peculiar t 
this unhappy kingdom ; which keeps us from er 
joying the common benefits of mankind ; as yo 
and fome other lovers of their country have fo ofte 
obferved with fuch good inclinations, and fo litt]|i 


It is true indeed, that under our circumftana 
in general this complaint for the want offilver ma 
appear as ridiculous, as for a man to be nupatiei 
about a cut finger, when he is ftruck with tr 
plague ; and yet a poor fellow going to the galloy 
may be allowed to feel the fmart of wafps, whi 
he 'is upon Tyburn road. This misfortue is j 
urging, and r vexatious in every kind of final! tram 
and fo hourly preflmg upon all perfons in tl 
country whatfoever, that a hundred inconveniei 
cics of perhaps greater moment in themfelves hai 
been tamely fubmitteel to with far lefs difquietuc 
and murmurs. And the cafefeems yet the hardeln 
if it be true, what many ikilful men aflert, that n< 
thing is more eafy than a remedy ; and that the wai 
of fiber, in proportion to the little gold remainirfc: 
among us, is altogether as unnecefTary, as it is iiR: 
convenient. A perfon of diftinction aluued it 



verv lately, that, in difcourfing with the Lord 
Lieutenant * before his laft return to England, his 
Excellency faid, " He had prefled the matter of- 
" ten, in proper time and place, and to proper 
" perfons and could not fee any difficulty of the 
a leaft moment, that could prevent us from be- 
iC ing made eafy upon this article," 

Whoever carries to England twentv-feven En?- 
g'iih (hillings, and brings back one moidore of full 
weight, is a gainer of nine pence Iriih : in a gui- 
nea, the advantage is three pence ; and two pence 
in a piftole. The Bankers, who are generally ma- 
tters of all our gold and filver with this ^advantage, . 
have lent over as much of the latter, as earn e into 
their hands. The value of one thoufand moidores 
in filver would thus amount in clear profit to 37 1. 
10 s. The fhopkeepers, and other traders, who go 
to London to buy goods, followed the fame prac- 
tice ; by which we have been driven into this in- 
fup portable diftrefs. 

To a common thinker it mould feem, that no- 
thing would be more eafy, than for the govern- 
ment to redrefs this evil, at any time they fhall 
pleafe. When the value of guineas was lowered 
in England from 21s. and d. to only 21 s. the 
cenfequence to this kingdom were obvious, and ma- 
nifeft to us all : and a fober man may be allowed 


at leaft to wonder, although he dare not complain, 
why a new regulation of coin among us was not 
then made ; much more, why it hath never been 
fince. It would furely require no very profound 
ikill in algebra to reduce the difrerence of nine 
pence in thirty {hillings, or three pence in a guinea 
to lefs than a farthing ; and fo fmall a fraction 
could be no temptation either to bankers, to ha- 
zard their filver at fea, or tradefmen to load them- 
felves with it in their journeys to England. In my 
humble opinion, it would be no unreafonale con- 

* The Lo:d Carteret. 



deicenfion, if the goverment would gracioufly 
pleafe to fignify to the poor loyal ProteftantfubjecT:s 
of Ireland, either that this miferable want of iilver 
is not pofUb'e to be remedied in any degree by the 
nicer! {kill in arithmetic ; or elfe, that it doth not 
Hand with the good pleafure of England, to fuffer 
any filver at all among us. In the former cafe, it 
would be madnefs to expect impofTibiliues ; and in 
the other, we muft fubmit ; for lives and fortunes 
are always at the mercy of the Conqueror. 

The qneftion hath been often put in printed pa- 
pers, by the Drapier and others, or perhaps, by 
the fame writer under different jfryles,. why this 
kingdom fhouid not be permitted to have a mint 
of its own for the coinage of gold, iilver, and cop- 
per ; which is a power exercifed by many bifhops,- 
and every petty prince in Germany ? But this 
queftion hath never been anfwered ; nor the leaft 
application, that I have heard of, made to the 
crown from hence for the grant of a public mint;. 
altho 7 it ftands upon record that feveral cities and 
corporations here had the liberty of coining iilver. 
I can fee no reafons why we alone of all nations, 
are thus restrained, but liich as I dare not mention : 
only thus far I may venture, that Ireland is the 
firii imperial kingdom fince Nimrod, which ever, 
wanted power to coin their own money. 

1 know very well, that in England it is lawful- 
for any fuhjedt to petition either the prince or the 
parliament, provided it be done in a dutiful and 
regular manner : but what is lawful for a fubject 
of Ireland, I profefs I cannot. determine ; nor will 
undertake, that the printer {hall not be profecuted 
in a court of juftice far publiihing my wilhes, that 
a poor fhopkeeper might be able to change a guinea 
or a moidore, when a cuftomer comes for a crown's 
worth of goods. I have known lefs crimes puni fil- 
ed with the utmoft feverity, under the title of dif- 
affection. And I cannot but approve the wifdom 



of the ancients, who, after Aftrea had fled from 
the earth, at leaft took care to provide three up- 
right judges for hell. Mens ears among us are in- 
deed grown lb nice, that whoever happens to think 
out of fafhion, in what relates to the welfare of 
this kingdom, dare not ib much as complain of 
the toothach, left our weak and buly dabblers in 
politics fhould be ready to fwear againft him for 

There was a method praclifed by Sir Ambrofe 
Crawley, the great dealer in iron-works, which I 
wonder the gentlemen of our country under this 
great exigence have not thought fit to imitate. In 
the feverai towns and villages where he dealt, and 
many miles round, he gave notes inftead of money 
from two pence), which pafTed current in all fhops 
and markets, as well as in houfes, where meat and 
drink was fold. I {cc no reafon why the like prac- 
tice may not be introduced among us with fome de- 
gree of fuccefs : or at leaft may not ferve as a poor 
exoedient in this our biffed age of paper ; which, as 
it difchargeth all our great*ft payments, may ce 
equally ufeful in the fmaller, and may juft keep us 
alive until an Englifh act of parliament {hall for- 
bid it. 

I have been told, that among fome of our poor- 
eft American colonies upon the continent, the peo- 
ple enjoy the liberty of cutting the little money a- 
mong them into halves and quarters for the con- 
veniences of fmall traffic. How happy fhould we 
be in comparifon of our prefent condidon, if the 
like privilege were granted to us of employing the 
fheers for want of a mint, upon our foreign gold, 
by clipping it into half-crowns and millings, and 
even lower denominations ; for beggars muft be 
content to live upon fcraps ; and it would be our 
felicity, that thele fcraps could never be exported 
to other countries, while any thing better was 



If neither of thefe projects will avail, I fee no- 
thing left us but to truck and barter our qoods like 
the wild Indians with each other, or with our toe 
powerful neighbours ; only with this difadvantage 
on our fide, that the Indians enjoy the product oJ 
their own land ; whereas the better half of ours u 
fent- away, without fo much as a recompenfe in 
bugles or glafs in return. 

It muft needs be a. very comfortable cirumftancs 
in the prefentjuncture, that ibme thou fan d fami- 
lies are gone, are going, or preparing to go from 
hence and fettle themfelves in America : the poorei 
fort for want of work ; the farmers, whofe be- 
neficial bargains are now become a rack-rent toe 
hard to be borne, and thofe who have any read} 
money, or can purchafe any by the fale of their 
goods or leafes, becaufe they find their fortunes 
hourlv decaying, that their jroods will bear no 
price, and that few or none have any money to buy 
the very neceflaries cf life, are haftening to follow 
their departed neighbours. It is true, corn among 
us carries a very high price ; but it is for the fame 
reafon, that rats, and cats, and dead horfes havs 
been often bought for gold in a town befieged. 

There is a perfon of quality in my neighbour- 
hood, who twenty years ago, when he was juft 
come to age, being unexperienced, and of a gene- 
rous temper, let his lands, even as times went then, 
at a low rate to able tenants; and ^onfequently by 
the rife of land frnce that time looked upon his e- 
ftate to be fet at half value : but numbers'? of 
thefe tenants or their defcendants arc now offering 
to fell their leafes by cant *, even thefe which were 
for lives, fome of them renewable for ever, and 
fome fee-farms, which the landlord himfclf hath 
bought in at half the price they would have yielded 
{even years ago. And fome leafes let at the fame 

* Cant or cu<ft!on, 



time for lives have been given up to him without 
any conllderation at all. 

This is the raoft favourable face of all things at 
prefent among us ; I fay, among us of the north, 
who are efteemed the only thriving people of the 
kingdom. And how far, and how loon this nai- 
lery and defolation may fpread, is eafy to forefee. 

The vail fums of money daily carried off by our 
numerous adventurers to America, have deprived us 
of our gold in thefe parts, almoft as much as of 
our filver. And the good wives who come to our 
houfes offer us their pieces of linen, upon which 
their whole dependence lies, for fo little profit, that 
it can neither half-pay their rents, nor half lup- 
port their families. 

It is remarkable, that this enthufiafm fpread a- 
mong our northern people, of fheltering them- 
felves in the continent of America, hath no other 
foundation than their prefent infupportable condi- 
tion at home. I have made all poffible inquiries 
to learn what encouragement our people have met 
with, by any intelligence from thole plantations, 
fufficient to make them undertake fo tedious and 
hazardous a voyage, in all feafons of the year, aud 
fo ill accommodated in their fhips, that many of 
them have died miferably in their paffage, but 
could never get one fatisfactory anfwer. Somebody, 
they know not who, had written a letter to his 
friend or coufin from thence, inviting him by 
all means to come over; that it was a fine fruit- 
ful country, and to be held for ever at a penny an 
acre. But the tnuh of the fact is this : the EncUfh 
eftablilhed in thofe colonies are in great want of men 
to inhabit that tract of ground, which lies between 
them and the wild Indians, who are not reduced 
under their dominion. We read of fome barbar- 
ous people, whom the Romans placed in their ar- 
my for no other fervice than to blunt their enemies 
fwords. and afterwards to fill up trenches with their 



dead bodies. And thus our people, who tranfport 
themfelves, are fettled in thofe interjacent tracts, as 
a fcreen againft the infults of the favages ; and may 
have as much lands as they can clear from the 
woods at a very reafonable rate, if they can afford 
to pay about a hundred years purchafe by their la- 
bour. Now, beiides the fox's reafon *, which in- 
clines all thofe who have already ventured thither 
to reprefent every thing in a falfe light, as well for 
juftifying their own conduct, as for getting compa- 
nions in their mifery, the governing people in 
thofe plantations have alio wifely provided, that nc 
letters mail be fuffered to pafs from thence hither 
without being firlt viewed by the council ; by which 
our people here are wholly deceived in the opinion.' 
they have of the happy condition of their friend? 
gone before them. This was accidental) v difco- 
vered fome months ago by an honeft man, who hav- 
ing tranfported himfelf and family thither, and find- 
ing all things directly contrary to his hope, had the 
luck to convey a private note by a faithful hand to 
his relation here, entreating him not to think of 
fuch a voyage, and to difcourage all his friends 
from attempting it. Yet this, although it be a 
truth well known, hath produced very little effect ; 
which is no manner of wonder : for as it is natural 
to a man in a fever to turn often, although with- 
out any hope of eafe ; or when he is purfued, to 
leap down a precipice to avoid an enemy juft at his 
back ; fo men in the extremeit degree of mifery 
and want will naturally fly to the rirft appearance 
of relief, let it be ever fo vain orvilionarv. 

You may obferve, that I have very fuperficially 
touched the fubject I began with, and with the ut- 
moft caution ; for I know how criminal the leaft 
complaint hath been thought, however feafonable, 

* The fox who, having loft his tail would have perfuaded the reft 
to cut off theii s. 



or juft or h'oneftly intended, which hath forced me 
to offer up my daily prayers, that it may never, at 
leaft in my time, be interpreted by inuendos as a falfe, 
fcandalous, ieditious, and difarTecled action for a 
man to roar under an acute fit of the gout ; which, 
befides the lofs and the danger, would be very in- 
convenient to one of my age, fo feverly afflicted 
with that diftemper. 

I wifh you good fuccefs, but I can promife you 
little, in an ungrateful office you have taken up 
without the leaft view either to reputation or pro- 
fit. Perhaps your comfort is, that none but vil- 
lains and betrayers of their country can be your e- 
nemies. Upon which I have little to fay having 
not the honour to be acquainted with many of that 
fort ; and therefore, as you may eafily believe, am 
compelled to lead a very retired life. 

I am, Sir, 

Your moft obedient 

Humble fervant, 

A. North, 
County of Down, 
Dec, 2, 1728. 


C 32 J 

REMARKS, on Dr. Swift's Tracts 
relating to Ireland. 

Taken from Mr. Dean Swift's Essay. 

**HESE tracts may, for any thing I know to the 
contrary, be thought local and temporary ; 
and perhaps for that reaion may chance to be ne- 
glected by fucceeding generations ; which happens 
to be the fate of almolt all other points of hiitory, 
excepting thofe only which are fniily fupported by 
the clamour and virulence of contending parties, 
according to their feveral views and intereils in the 
commonwealth. But as the writings of Dr. Swift, 
and particularly the Drapier's letters, are founded | 
on the fecure bafis of the laws of his country, and 
fupported throughout the whole with the warmefl 
zeal for liberty, they will for ever command the 
veneration of thofe who are not unworthy to. enjoy 
the bleihngs of our conftitution. For although il 
be a truth fcarce ever regarded, the fubjedt-mattei 
which happens to give rife to any political treatife 
whatfcever is but of little confequence ; -that fpiril 
which is conveyed in the writings of a patriot, who 
is equally faithful to his King and country, being 
that alone which improveth our faculties, and 
therefore hath a claim to all the deepen: of our at- 
tention, let what age or nation foever boalt of the 
honour of his genius. But if the inhabitants oi 
thefe nations, and particularly the people of Ire- 
land, will continue to be like the deaf adder, which 
refufeth to hear the voice of the charmer, charm 
lie never fo wifely, the time may come;, when, forL 
want of a patriot infpired like Dr. Swift to apprifeij; 



them of their danger, they may be doomed to chains 
and flavery, by the contrivance of fome wicked im- 
poilor that may lie in wait for their deftruction. 
Ooniider therefore, ye fons of Ireland, what hard- 
fhips had like to have been inflicted upon your 
wife, your courageous patriot ; coniider what per- 
fections were fet on foot againft him by Haves and 
wretches, for no other crime but that of defending 
your liberties, or rather indeed for maintaining 
the very exiftence of your country, againft one vile 
infianificant mechanic. Think not becaufe that e- 
vil day is paff, that in the womb of time there 
cannot be any further projects to undermine 
your liberties. Have ye not feen pretended pa- 
triots of late years, which have proitituted their 
impious pens to ferve the vileft purpofts ? But 
thanks be to God ! their writings have perifhed, 
and their names are univerfally pronounced with 
abhorrence, contempt, and execration. Read 
therefore, and imbibe the political principles of Dr. 
Swift ; engrave them on the tablet of your hearts ; 
teach them unto vour childrens children ; and a- 
bove all things remember to fix an indelible mark 
of infamy upon thofe men who by their words, their 
actions, and other wicked iniinuating artifices, endea- 
vour to fap the vitals of your liberty. For be af- 
fured, that in the day of trial they will approve 
themfelves to their mailers to be corrupted flaves 
and traitors to their country. 

As to the piece, intitled, A Jbort view cf the 
fiate of Ireland, written in 1727, [above, p. 53.] 
I cannot but declare myfelf heartily forry, that I 
am forced to difaareewith LordOrrerv with regard 
to his critic on it [above, p. 61.]. For furely a- 
mong all the pleafures and delights which have any 
refpect unto this habitable world, there can be none 
more generous, more intellectual, and more divine, 
than to rejoice in the prosperity of our country. 
But alas \ the miferies of Ireland being the effects 

C c 2 of 


of a thoufand caufes, are, I am afraid, incurable, 
At leaft all remedies but one (which is abolifhing 
the ufe of gold and illver out of the whole commu- 
nity ; a fcheme too philofophical, and perhaps too 
chimerical for fo corrupted an age to reduce into 
practice) appear to be fo exceedingly defperate r 
that I verily believe it would require a legiflator et- 
ernal to the conductor of the Ifraelites out of the 
land of Egypc> to make them a rich and flourifhing 
people, notwithstanding the fertility of their foil, 
and the temperature of their climate. 

I wonder that any man could poffibly refide for 
the greater part of eighteen years in Ireland, with- 
out remarking, to his infinite regret, that no peo- 
ple to the Chriftian world are fo deftitute of rai- 
ment, food, and all :he conveniences of life, as the 
inhabitants of that wretched kingdom, notwith- 
standing that by God and nature it is perhaps the 
moft favoured of any country upon earth. Optima 
natio, pejjima gens, was, I remember, Dr. Swift's 
periphrafis for Ireland, whenever his patriot indig- 
nation was raifed againft the abfurdity of their con- 
duct and politics. 

In the Short Vieiv the Doctor enumerates four- 
teen caufes of any country's flourifhing and grow- 
ing rich, and then examines what effects arife from 
thefe caufes in Ireland. I am well convinced, that 
Ibine few alterations have taken place fince 1727. 
But whether in fact thefe alterations have at all 
contributed to the intereft of the weal public ; or 
whether it appears they have had the leaft effect to- 
wa; ds banifhing complaining from our ftreets, is at 
prefent one of the points to be coniidered ; and the 
other is, how far the remarks of Dr. Swift are e- 
cmally true at this day as they were in 1727. 

I cannot but iniift upon it, that Ireland, with re- 
gard to twelve articles out of the fourteen is juft in 
the fame condition, and labours under the fame 



difadvantages, this preient year 1754, as it did in 
the year 1727. 

With refpect ro the feventh article [above, p 54, 
56.2, which concerns the improvement of land,, 
and the encouragement of agriculture, Ireland is 
by far in a worfe fituation at prefent than it was in 
1727, notwithstanding many appearances to the 
contrary. For although it be certain that great im- 
provements, and particularly the iineft roads per- 
haps in the world, have been made imcethat epoch, 
flocks and herds have been only thereby multiplied. 
And although it be alTertcd by Lord Orrery [above, 
p. 61.] that agriculture is cultived (/. e. that the 
culture of land is cultivated) in Ireland ; the great- 
er part of the hufbandraen, the labourers, and the 
poor, have, merely for the fake of thole curled 
cattle which are the bane of Ireland, been driven, 
out of their wretched habitations, and baniihed the 
country, helplefs, naked and forlorn to rot,. 
[ftarye*, and perifh in defolate places, to the great 
diminution of the inhabitants. 

And as to the fourteenth article [above, p. 58.] 
the people of Ireland, by their folly, their mad- 
icfs, their luxury, and difregard to' all public in- 
:ereft,^ are by many degrees'in a more wretched 
:ondition than they were in 1727 ; the molt com- 
non necefTaries, even their corn, their ale, and. 
heir potatoes being, to the fhame and confuiion of 
jheir politics, imported from abroad, as well as 
\eir tea, their claret, and their fpices. 
As to the pamphlet, intitled, A mbdeft propofa!,. 
c. [above, p. 237.], it is a humous treatiie, e- 
ually the produce of defpair and benevolence; and 
emeth to have been written in the bitternefs of the 
ean's foul, and principally addreiTed to the con- 
oration of thofe mercilefs tyrants which ftarve and 
iprefs their fellow-creatures, even to the fhame 
d deftruttion of their country. His propofal is, 
fatten up the children of beggars, cottagers,. 

Cc 3 aac l 


and farmers, as they do lambs and pigs for the 
markets, and fell their carcafes to the rich ; a food 
which he declares to be very proper for landlords ; 
who, as they have already devoured moft of the pa- 
rents, feem to have the beft title to their children. 

As to Dr. Swift's political tracts relating to Ire- 
land, wherein the rights of the clergy and the caufe 
of Chriftianity are exprefsly and immediatly con- 
cerned, I mall only obferve in general, that Swift, 
being a thorough matter of politics, and, far be- 
yond all the wifeft of his contemporaries, deeply! 
verfed in the hiftory of parties, could difcover at a 
furpriiing diftance the natural confequences of thofe 
efforts which had been frequently made during th( 
time he flouriihed, to fubvert our happy coniiitu 
tion both of church and flate ; info much that In 
appears from a great variety of his traces, to hav< 
been one of the moll: fagacious watchmen that eve. 
was known in the church of Chriit. i>ivift> 






E 307 3 

Into feveral remote Nations of the World. 

By LEMUEL GULLIVER, firft a Surgeon, 
and then a Captain of feveral (hips. 

,.,,_,,,. ^ 1 -11 mil 1 - - - - 1 J nil 1 ^ "**" " ' 


The Publisher to the Reader. 

THE author of thefe travels, Mr. Lemuel Gul- 
liver, is my ancient and intimate friend ; there 
is likewife fome relation between us on the mother's 
fide. About three years ago, Mr. Gulliver, grow- 
ing weary of the concourfe of curious people com- 
ing to him at his houfe in Redriff, made a fmall 
purchafe of land, with a convenient houfe, near 
Newark in Nottinghamfhire, his' native country, 
where he now lives retired, yet in good efteem a- 
mong his neighbours. 

Although Mr. Gulliver was born in Nottingham- 
fhire, where his father dwelt, yet I have heard him 
fay, his family came from Oxfordshire ; to confirm 
which, I have obferved in the church yard at Ban- 
bury, in that county, feveral tombs and monuments 
of the Gullivers. 

Before he quitted RedrifF, he left the cuftody of 
the following papers in my hands, with the liberty 


3 o8 The PUBLISHER to the READER. 

to difpofe of them as I mould think fit. I have 
carefully perufed them three times : the fbyle is very 
plain and fimple ; and the only fault I find is; that 
the author, after the manner of travellers, is a lit- 
tle too circumfrantial. There is an air of truth 
apparent through the whole ; and indeed the au- 
thor was fo diftinguimed for his veracity, that 
it became a fort of a proverb among his neigh- 
bours at RedrifF, when any one affirmed a thing, 
to fay it was as true as if Mr. Gulliver had fpo- 
ken it. 

By the advice of feveral worthy perfons, to; 
whom, with the author's permiflion, I communi- 
cated thefe papers, I now venture to fend them in.- 
to the world, hoping they may be, at leaft for 
fome time, a better entertainment to our young no- 
blemen, than the common fcriblers of politics and 

This volume would have been at leaf!: twice as 
large, if I had not made bold to ftrike out innu- 
merable paflages relating to the winds and tides, as 
well as to the variations and bearings in the feveral 
voyages, together with the minute defcriptions of 
the management of the fliip in itorms, in the ftyle 
of failors ; likewife the account of longitudes and 
latitudes ; wherein I have reafon to apprehend, that. 
Mr. Gulliver may be a little difTatisiied : but I was 
refolved to fit the work as much as pofilble to the 
general capacity of readers. However, if my own 
ignorance in lea-affairs fliall have led me to commit 
fome mifrakes, I alone am anfwerable for them :, 
and if any traveller hath a curiofity to fee the whole 
work at large, as it came from the hand or the au- 
thor, I will be ready 10 gratify him. 

As for any further particulars relating to the 
author, the reader will receive fatisfaction from the. 
firfr pages of the book. 

Richard Symson. 


t 39 ] 


A LETTER from Captain GULLIVER, 
to his Coufin Sympsqn. 

Written in the year 1727. 

Hope you will be ready to own publickly, when- 
* ever you mall be called to it, that by your great 
and frequent urgency, you prevailed on me to pub- 
lifh a very loofe and uncorrect account of my tra- 
vels, with direction to hire fome young gent'emen 
of either university to put them in order, and cor- 
rect the ftyle, as my couiin Dampier did by my ad- 
vice, in his book called, " A voyage round the 
<( world." But I do not remember I gave you 
power to confent, that any thing mould be omit- 
ted, and much lefs that any thing mould be infert- 
d : therefore, as to the latter, I do here renounce 
every thing of that kind ; particularly a paragraph 
about her Majefty Queen Anne, of mod pious and 
glorious memory ; although I did reverence and 
efteem her more than any of human fpecies. But 
you, or your interpolator, ought to have confidered, 
that as it was not my inclination, fo was it not de- 
cent to praife any animal of our compofition be- 
fore my mailer Houyhnhnm : and befides, the fact 
was altogether falfe ; for, to my knowledge, being 
in England during fome part of her Majefty's reign, 
ihe did govern by a chief minifter ; nay even by 
two fucceiiively, the firft whereof was the Lord of 
Godolphin, and the fecond the Lord of Oxford ; 
fo that you have made me " fav the thing that was 

"not. 5> 


il not." Likewife, in the account of the academy 
of projectors, and feveral pafTages of my difcourfl 
to my matter Houyhnhnrn, you have either omit- 
ted ibme material circumftances, or minced 01 
changed them in fuch a manner, that I do hardly 
know mine own work. "When I formerly hinted 
to you fomething of this in a letter, you were 
pleafed to anfwer, that you were afraid of giving 
offence ; that people in power were very watchful 
over the prefs, and apt not only to interpret, bui 
to punifli every thing which looked like an Inuendo. 
(as I think you call it). But, pray, how could thai 
which I fpoke fo many years ago, and at abovt 
five thoufand leagues diftance, in another reign. 
be applied to any of the Yahoos, who now are faic 
to govern the herd : efpecially at a time when I lit- 
tle thought on, or feared, the unhappinefs of liv 
ing under them ? have not I the mod reafon tc 
complain, when I fee thefe very Yahoos carried b) 
Houyhnhnms in a vehicle, as if thefe were brute; 
and thofe the rational creatures ? and indeed, tc 
avoid fo monftrous and deteftable a fight, was one 
principle motive of my retirement hither. 

Thus much I thought proper to tell you, in re- 
lation to yourfelf, and to the truft I repofed in 

I do, in the next place, complain of my own 
great want of judgement, in being prevailed upon 
by the intreaties and falfe reafonings of you and 
ibme cdiers, very much againft my own opinion, 
to fuffer my travels to be published. Pray bring to 
your mind how often I delired you to coniider, 
when you infift'ed on the motive of public good,, 
that the Yahoos were a fpecies of animals utterly 
incapable of amendment, by precepts or example f 
and fo it hath proved ; for, irdtead of feeing a full 
ftop put to all abufes and corruptions, at leaf! in 
th : s little idarid, as I had reafon to expect ; be- 
hold, after above fix mouths warning, I cannot 


Gulliver's Letter to Sympfon* 3 1 1 

learn that my book has produced one {ingle effect 
according to mine intentions. I defired you would 
let me know by a letter, when party and faction 
were extinguished; judges learned andupright; plead- 
ers honeftand modeft, with fome tincture of common 
fenfe, and Smithiield blazing with pyramids of 
law-books ; the young nobility's education entirely 
changed ; the phylicians banifhed ; the female Ya- 
hoos abounding in virtue, honour, truth, and good 
fenfe ; courts and levees of great minilters thorough- 
ly weeded and lwept ; wir^ merit, and learning re- 
warded ; all difgracers of tire prefs, in profe and 
verfe, condemned to eat nothing but their own 
cotton, and quench their thirft with their own ink. 
Thefe, and a thoufand other reformations, I firmly 
counted upon by your encouragement ; as indeed 
they were plainly deducible from the precepts deli- 
vered in my book And it muft be owned, that 
feven months were a fufficicnt time to correct every 
vice and folly to which Yahoos are fubject, if their 
natures had been capable of the leaft difpofltion to 
virtue or wifdom ; yet, fo far have you been from 
anfwering mine expectation in any of your letters ; 
that on the contrary you are loading our carrier 
every week with libels, and keys, and reflections, 
and memoirs, and fecond parts ; wherein I fee my- 
felf accufed of reflecting upon great ftates-folk ; of 
degrading human nature (for fo they ftill have the 
confidence to ftile it) and of abufing the female fex. 
1 find likewife, that the writers of thofe bundles 
are not agreed among themfelves; for fome of them 
will not allow me to be the author of mine own 
travels ; and others make me author of books, to 
.which I am wholly a ftranger. 

I find likewife, that your printer hath been fo 

;-carelefs as to confound the times, and miftake the 

.dates of my feveral voyages and returns ; neither 

afligning the true year, nor the true month, nor 

day of the month : and I hear the original ma- 



nufcript is all deftroyed lince the publication of m) 
book ; neither have I any copy left ; however, | 
have fent you fome corrections, which you may in< 
fert, if ever there mould be a fecond edition : anc 
yet I cannot ftand to them ; but mail leave tha 
matter to my judicious and candid readers to adjuf 
it as they pleafe. 

I hear fome of our fea-Yahoos find fault witl 
my fea-language, as not proper in many parts, no: 
now in ufe. I cannot help it. In my firft voyages 
while I was young, I was inftructed by the oldef 
mariners, and learned to fpeak as they did. But 
have lince found, that the fea-Yahoos are apt, lik 
the land ones, to become newfangled in their words 
which the latter change every year ; infomuch, a 
I remember, upon each return to my own country 
their old dialect was fo altered, that I could hardl 
under ftand the new. And I obferve, when an 
Yahoo comes from London, out of curiolity t< 
viiit me at mine own houfe, we neither of us ar 
able to deliver our conceptions in a manner intelli 
gible to the other. 

If the cenfure of the Yahoos could any way af 
feci me, I mould have great reafon to complain 
that fome of them are fo bold as to think my bool 
of travels a mere fiction out of mine own brain 
and have gone fo far as to drop hints, that th 
Houyhnhnms and Yahoos have no more exiftenc 
than the inhabitants of Utopia. 

Indeed I muff confefs, that as to the people o: 
Lilliput, Brpbdingrag (for fo the word mould hav 
been fpelt, and not erroneoufly Brobdingnag) anc 
Laputa, I have never yet heard of any Yahoo fc 
prefumptuous as to difpute their being, or the fact; 
I have related concerning them ; becaufe the truth 
immediately ftrikes every reader with conviction, 
And is there lefs probability in my account of the 
Houyhnhnms or Yahoos, when it is manifeft as to 
the latter, there are fo many thoufands, even in 


Gulliver's Letter to Sympfox. 313 

this city, who only differ from their brother brutes 
InHouyhnhnm-land, becaufe theyufe a fort of Jab- 
ber, and do not go naked ? I wrote for their a- 
mendment, and not their approbation. The unit* 
ed praife of the whole race would be of Ids con* 
fequence to me, than the neighing of thofe two de- 
generate Houyhnhnrns I keep in my ftable; becaufe 
from thefe, degenerate as they are, I ftill improve 
in fome virtues without any mixture of vice. 

Do thefe miferable animals prefume to think, 
that I am fo degenerated as to defend my veracity ? 
Yahoo as I am, it is well known through all Houy- 
hnhnm-land, that, by the initructions and exam- 
ple of my illuftrious mafter, I was able in rhe com- 
pafs of two years (although I confefs with the ut- 
moit difficulty) to remove that infernal habit of ly- 
ing, muffling, deceiving, and equivocating, fo deep- 
ly rooted in the very fouls of all my fpecies ; efpe- 
cially the Europeans. 

I have other complaints to make upon this vexa- 
tious occalion ; but I forbear troubling myfelf or 
you any further. I muft freely confefs, that imce 
my laft return, fome corruptions of my Yahoo na- 
ture have revived in me, by converfing with a few 
of your fpecies, and particularly thofe of mine 
own family, by an unavoidable neceflity ; elfe I 
fhould never have attempted fo abfurd a project as 
that of reforming the Yahoo race in this kingdom: 
but I have now done with ail fuch vifionary fchemes 
for ever. 

April 2, 1727. 

* # # That the original copy of thefe travels was 
altered, by the perfon through whofe hands it was 
conveyed to the prefs, is a fact ; but the pafiages 
,of which Mr. Gulliver complains in his letter, are 

Vol. IV. D d to 


to be found only in the fir ft editions ; for the Dean 
having reftcred the text wherever it had been al- 
tered, fent the copy to the late Mr. Motte, by the 
Jiands of Mr. Charles Ford. This Copy has been 
exactly followed in every fubfequent edition, except 
that printed in Ireland by George Falkener ; the 
editor of which, fuppofing the Dean to be ferious 
when he mentioned the corruptions of dates, and 
yet finding them unaltered, thought fi: to alter them 
himfelf ; there is however fcarce one of thefe alte- 
rations, in which he has not committed a blunder.; 
though, while he was thus bufied in defacing the 
parts that were perfect, he fuffered the accidental 

blemifhes of others to jemain. See the preface 

40 this edition. 






TRAVELS into feveral remote 
tions of the world . 





The author gives feme account of him f elf and family 
bis inducement to travel. He is Jhipwreckcd, and 
fwims fsr his life) gets fafe on floor e in the country 
of Lilliput : is -made a prifoner y and carried up the 

MY father had a fmall eftate in Nottingham- 
shire ; I was the third of five fons. He fen!? 
me to Emanuel college in Cambridge at fourteen 
years old, where I reiided three years, and applied 


* Thefe vovages are intended as a moral political romance, in 
which Swift Teems to have exerted the fhongeft efforts of a fii.e irre- 
gular genius. But while his imagination anj'his wit eeiight, the \c- 
nomous of hi; fatir?, although in fome places iuft, a e carried 
into fo ur.iverf.1 a feverity, that not only all human aclions, but hu- 
man nature itlVif, :s f laced in the wcrfi light. Pei r ec~tion in 

every attribute is not indeed allotted to particular m:n But am <n* 
the whole fpecies, we difcover fuch an sl.'er'bljge of all the great and 
amiable virtues, as may convince us, that the original order of naure. 
contains in it the grea.eil beau*y. It is cirtcClcd in a right line, but 
irdeviates into cutves and irregular motions, by various alterations 
and difrurbing caufes. Di Terent qr.alificaticr.s mine out in different 
men. Bacon and N uvton (not to mention Boy le) (hew the di- 
vine extent of the human mind : of which power Swift could not 03. 
iiif^nhble 5 hut his difcppointments rendered him iplen.tic, and an- 

Dd 2 

g r y 


myfelf clofe to my ftudies ; but the charge of main- 
taining me, although I had a very fcanty allowance, 
being too great for a narrow fortune, I was bound 
apprentice to Mr. James Bates, an eminent furgeon 
in London, with whom I continued four years ; 
and my father now and then fending me fmall fums 
of money, I laid them out in learning navigation, 
and other parts of the mathematics, ufeful to thofe 
who intend to travel, as I always believed it would 
be fome time or other my fortune to do. When I 
left Mr. Bates, I went down to my father ; where, 
by the affiftance of him and my uncle John, and 
fome ether relations, I got forty pounds, and a 
proniife of thirty pounds a-year to maintain me at 
Leydon : there I ftudled phyuc two years and fe- 

grv with the whole world.--- Education, habit, and conftitution, give 
a fiuprifiig vj-iety of characters 5 and while they produce fome par- 
ticular quali its, are apt to check others. Foititude of mind feldom. 
attends a fiedentary life: nor is the man whofe ambitious views are 
trolled, fcarce ever afterwards endued with benevolence of heart. The 
Umc mind that is capable of exerting the greater! virtue, by fome de- 
fect in the frft fteps of education often degenerates into the greatefl 
vice. Thefe effects take their fource from caufes almofl mechani- 
cal. The foul in our preient htuati::n, is blended and iuclofcd with 
corporeal lubftance, end the matter of which our body is compoied, 

produces ftrange impulfcs upon the mind To correct vice, by 

Oie wing her deformity, in oppofition to the beauty of virtue, and to 
amend the falfe fyiiems of philcfophy, by pointing cut the errors, and 
appjiing falutary means to -^void them, is a noble d.-fign, and was, 
(would .fain flatter myf.lf the general intent of this hieroglyphic 
writer. Gulliver's travels are cbieriy to be looked u, on as an ir- 
regular efTiv of Swift's peculiar wit and humour. The inhabitants of 
iLilnpuc ae reprefented, as if reflected from a concave mirror, by 
v*hich every obitct is reduced to a defpicable minutenefs. The inha- 
bitants of Biobdirgnag, by a contrary mirror, are enlarged to a fhock- I 
ing deformity. In L'lliput we behold a fet of puny infects, or a- 
nimalcuks in hamail fhape, ridiculoufly engaged in affairs of impor- 
tance. In Brobdingnag the monfters of enormous fize are employed 
in trifles. -In the two firli parts there are many ridiculous adven- 
tures, even fu.h as muft have exited mirth from Heraclitus. Where 
indelicacies 0" not intervene, the narrative is very entertaining and 
humorous. In fome psrts, Gulliver feems to have had particular 
incidents, if not particular perfons in his view. His obfervations on 
education are ufeful : and fo are his improvements on the inftitutions 
ef Lycui gUS, Orrery, 



vcn months, knowing it would be ufeful in long 


Soon after my return from Leyden, I was re- 
commended by my good matter Mr. Bates to be 
furgeon to the fwallow, Captain Abraham Pannel 
commander : with whom I continued three years 
and a half, making a voyage or two into the Levant, 
and fome other parts. When I came back, I re- 
folved to fettle in London ; to which Mr Bates, 
my matter, encouraged me, and by him I was re- 
commended to feveral patients. 1 took part of a 
fmall houfe in the Old Jury ; and being advifed to 
alter mv condition, I married Mrs; Mart Burton, 
fecond daughter to Mr. Edmund Burton holier in 
Newgate- ftreet, with whom I received four hundred 
pounds for a portion. 

But, my good mailer E.ites dying in two years" 
after, and I having few friends, my bufinefs began 
to fail ; for my confeience would not. furer-me to 
imitate the bad practice of too manv;;mon?mvhre- 
thren. Having; therefore conftilted with mv wile,* 
and fome of mv acquaintance, I determined to go 
again to fea. I was furgeon iuccelhvelyin twofhips, 
and made feveral voyages for fix vears to the halt 
and Weft Indies, by which I got fome addition to 
tny fortune. My hours of leiiure I ipent in read- 
ing the belt of authors, anticnt and modern, being 
always provided with a good number of books ; 
and when I was afhore, in obferving the manners 
and difpofitions of the people, as well as learning 
their language, wherein I had a great facility by 
the ftrength of mv memory. 

The lait of thefe voyages not proving very fortu- 
nate, I grew weary of the fea, and intended to ftay 
at home with my wife and family. I removed from 
the. Old Jury to Fetter-lane, and from rhence to 
flapping, honing to get bufinefs among the farlors; 
but it would not turn to account. After three 
years expectation that things would mend, I accept - 

Dd 3 ed 

3 1 8 GULLIVER'S TR A VELS . Part I . 

ed an advantageous offer from Captain. William 
Prichard, matter of the Antelope, who was making 
a voyage to the South-Sea, We fet fail from Bri- 
ftol, May 4. 1699 ; and our voyage at firft was very 

It would not be proper, for fome reafons, to 
trouble the reader with the particulars of our ad- 
ventures in thofe feas. Let it fuffice to inform him, 
that, in our pafTage from thence to the Eaft-Indies, 
we were driven by a violent ftorm to the north-weft 
of Van Diemen's land. By an obfervation we 
found ourfelves in the latitude of 30 degrees 2 mi- 1 
nutes fouth. Twelve of our crew were dead by 
immoderate labour, and ill food ; the reft were in 
a very weak condition. On the 5th of November, 
which was the beginning of rummer in thofe parts, 
the weather being very hazy, the feamen fpied a 
rock within half a cable's length of the fhip ; but the 
wind was Co ftrong, that we were driven directly 
upon it, and immediately fplit. Six of the crew, 
of whom I was one, having let down the boat intc 
the fea, made a fhift to get clear of the fhip and 
the rock. We rowed by my computation about 
three leagues, till we were able to work no longer, 
being already fpent with labour while we were ir 
the fhip. We therefore traded ourfelves to th< 
mercy of the waves, and in about half an hour the 
boat was overfet by a fudden flurry from the north, 
What became of my companions in the boat, a* 
well as of thofe who efcaped on the rock, or wen 
left in the veiTel, I cannot tell ; but conclude thej 
were all loft. For my own part, I fwam as fortune 
directed me, and was pulhed forward by wind and 
tide. I often let my legs drop, and could feel nc 
bottom : but when I was almoft gone, and able tc 
ftruggle no longer, I found myfelf within mj 
depth : and by this time the ftorm was much abat 
ed. The declivity was fo fmall, that I walked neat 
a mile before I got to the more, which I conjectu 



red was about eight o'clock in the evening. I then 
advanced forward near half a mile, but could not 
dilcover any fign of houfes or inhabitants ; at leaft 
I was in foweak a condition, that I did not obferve 
them. I was extremely tired, and with that, and 
the heat of the weather, and about half a pint of 
brandy that I drank as I left the fliip, I found my- 
felf much inclined to fleep. I lay down on the 
grafs, which was very fhort and foft, where I flept 
founder than ever I remembered to have done in 
my life, and, as I reckoned, about nine hours ; 
for when I awaked, it was juft day-light. I at- 
tempted to rife, but was not able to ftir : for as I 
happened to lie on my back, I found my arms and 
legs were ftrongly fattened on each fide to the 
ground ; and my hair which was long and thick, 
tied down in the fame manner, I likewife felt feveral 
{lender ligatures acrofs my body, from my arm-pits 
to my thighs. I could onjy look upwards, the fun 
began to grow hot, and the light offended my eyes. 
I heard a confufed noile about me ; but, in the po- 
fture I lay, could fee nothing except the iky. In a 
little time I felt fomething alive moving on my left 
leg, which advancing gently forward over my 
breaft, came almoft up to my chin ; when bending 
my eyes downward as much as I could, I perceived 
it to be a human creature not fix inches high, with, 
a bow and arrow in his hands, and a quiver at his 
back. In the mean time, I felt at leaft forty more, 
of the fame kind (as I conjectured) following the 
firft. I was in the utmoft aftonifhment, and roar- 
ed fo loud, that they all ran back in a fright ; and 
fome of them, as I was afterwards told, were hurt with 
the falls they got by leaping from my fides upon the 
ground. However, they foon returned, and one 
of them, who ventured fo far as to get a full fight 
of my face, lifting up his hands and eyes by way 
of admiration, cried out in a fhrill but diftindt 
voice, Hekinah degul : the others repeated the fame 



words feveral times, but I then knew not what they 
meant. I lay all this while, as the reader may be- 
lieve, in great uneafmefs ; at length flruggling to 
get- loofe, I had the fortune to break the firings, 
and wrench out the pegs, that faflened my left arm 
to the ground ; for, by lifting it up to my face, I 
discovered the methods they had taken to bind me, 
and at the fame time, with a violent pull, which 
gave me excefnve pain, la little loofened the firings 
that tied down my hair on the left fide, fo that I was 
jufl able to turn my head about two inches. But 
the creatures run off a fecond time before I could 
feize them ; whereupon there was a great fhout in 
a very fhrill accent, and after it ceafed, I heard one 
of them cry aloud, Tolgo phonac ; when in an in- 
flant I felt above an hundred arrows efif charged on 
my left hand, which pricked me like fo many 
needles ; and beiides, they ihot another flight into 
the air, as we do bombs in Europe, whereof many, 
I fuppofe, fell on my body, (tho' I felt them not) 
and feme on my face, which I immediately covered 
with my left hand. When this fhower of arrows 
was over, I fell a groaning with grief and pain, and 
then driving: again to eet loofe, they difcharsed an- 
ether volley larger than the firfl, and fome of them 
attempted with fpears to flick tr,e in the fides ; but 
by good luck I had on me a buff jerkin, which they 
could not pierce. I thought it the moil prudent method 
to lie ilill, and my deiign was to continue fo till 
night, when, my left hand being already loofe, Icould 
eaiily free myfeif : and as for the inhabitants, 1 had 
reafon to believe \ might be a match for the great- 
eft army they could bring againfl me, if they were 
all of the lame fize with him that I faw, But fortune 
difpofed other wife of me. When the people ob- 
ferved I was quiet, they difcharged no more arrows : 
but, by the noife I heard, I knew their numbers in- 
creafed ; and about four yards from me, over a- 
gainfl my right ear, I heard a knocking for about 



an hour, like that of people at work : when turn- 
ing my head that way, as well as the pegs and 
firings would permit me, I faw a flage erected a- 
about a foot and a half from the ground, capable 
of holding four of the inhabitants, with two or three 
ladders to mount it : from whence one of them, 
who feemed to be a perfon of quality, made me a 
long fpeech, whereof I underftood not one fyllable. 
But I mould have mentioned, that before the prin- 
cipal perfon bogan his oration, he cried out three 
times, Langro debit I fan : (thefe words and the for- 
mer were afterwards repeated and explained to me). 
Whereupon immediately about fifty of the inhabi- 
tants came and cut the firings that fattened the left 
fide of my head, which gave me the liberty of turn- 
ing it to the right, and of obferving the perfon and 
geilure of him that was to fpeak. He appeared to 
be of a middle age, and taller than any of the o- 
ther three who attended him, whereof one was a 
page that held up his train, and feemed to be fome- 
what longer than my middle finger, the other two 
flood on each fide to fupport him. He acted every 
parr of an orator, and I could obferve many pe- 
riods of threatenings, and others of promifes, pity, 
and kindnefs. I anfwered in a few words, but in 
the moil fubmiffive manner, lifting up mv left hand 
and both my eyes to the fun, as calling him for a 
witnefs ; and being almoft famifhed with hunger, 
having not eaten a morfel for fotne hours before I 
left the fliip, I found the demands of nature fo ftrong 
upon me, that I could not forbear fhewing my im- 
patience (perhaps againft the flrict rules of decency) 
by putting my finger frequently to my mouth, to 
fignify that I wanted food. The Hurgo (for fo 
they call a great lord, as I afterwards learned) un- 
derftood me very well. He defcended from the 
flage, and commanded that feveral ladders fhould 
be applied to my fides, on which above an hun- 
dred of the inhabitants mounted, and walked to- 


wards my mouth, laden with baikets full of meat 
which had been provided and fent thither by the 
king's orders, upon theflttft intelligence he receivec 
of me. I obierved the; e was the rlefh of feveral a- 
nimals, but could not difttnguifh them by the tafte 
There were moulders, legs, and loins, fhaped like 
thofe of mutton, and very well drefled, but fmal- 
ler than the wings of a lark. I ear them by two 03 
three at at mouthful, and took three loaves at a timt 
about the bignefs of mu fleet -bullets. They fuppli- 
ed me as fait as they could, fhewing a thoufanc 
marks of wonder and afror.imment at my bulk anc 
appetite, I then made another flgn, that I wanted 
drink. They found by my eating, that a fmal 
quantity would not iuiiice me, and being < 
mo ft ingenious people, they flung up with great 
dexterity one of their largeft hogiheads, ther 
rolled it towards my hand, and beat out the top ; ] 
drank it off at a draught, which I might well do, 
for it did not hold half a pint, and tailed like a 
fmall wine of burgundy, but much more delici- 
ous They brought me a fecond hogfhead, which I 
drank in the fame manner, and made figns for 
more ; but they had none to give me. When I 
had performed thefe wonders, they fhouted for 
joy, and danced upon my breafr, repeating feveral 
times, as they did at firft, Hekinah clcgul. They 
made me a fign that I fhould throw down the two 
hogfheads, but flrft warning the people below to 
ftand out of the way, crying aloud, Borath mevola, 
and when they faw the veffels in the air, there was 1 
an universal fhout of Hekinah degul. I confefs I 
was often tempted, while they were palling back- 
wards and forwards on my body, to feize forty or 
fifty of the firft that came in my reach, and dafli 
them againft the ground. But the remembrance 
of what I had felt, which probably might not 
be the word they could do, and the promife of 
honour I made them, for Co I interpreted my fub-' 



mifiive behaviour, foon drove out thefe imapina- 
tions. Befides, I now conlidered myfelf as bound 
by the laws of hofpitality to a people, who had 
treated me with fo much expenfe and magnifi- 
cence. However, in my thoughts I could not fuf- 
ciently wonder at the intrepidity of thefe diminu- 
tive mortals, who durffc venture to mount and walk 
upon my body, while one of my hands was at li- 
berty, without trembling at the veiy fight of fo pro- 
digious a creature, as I muft appear to them. After 
fome time, when they obferved that I made no 
more demands for meat, there appeared before me 
a perfon of high rank from his Imperial Majefty, 
His Excellency having mounted on the fmall of my 
right leg, advanced forwards up to my face, with 
about a dozen of his retinue. And producing his 
credentials under the fignet royal, which he ap- 
plied clofe to my eyes, ipoke about ten minutes 
without any figns of anger, but with a kind of de- 
terminate lefolution, often pointing forwards, 
which, as I afterwards found, was towards the ca- 
pital city, about half a mile diftant, whither it was 
agreed by his Majefty in council that I muft be 
conveyed. I anfwered in few words, but to no 
purpofe, and made a fign with, my. hand that was 
loofe> putting it to the other (but over his excel- 
lency's head, for fear of hurting him or his train) 
and then to my own head and body, to fignify that 
I defired my liberty. It appeared, that he under- 
ftood me well enough, for he ihook his head by 
way of difapprobation, and held his hand in a po- 
fture to fhew, that I muft be carried as aprifoner. 
However he made other figns to let me underftand, 
that I ihould have meat and drink enough, and 
very good treatment, Whereupon I once more 
thought of attempting to break my bonds, but a- 
*ain, when I felt the fmart of their arrows upon 
ivy face and hands, which were all in blifters, and 
many of the darts ftill {ticking in them, and ob- 



ferviftg likewife that the numbei of my enemies in 
creafed, I gave tokens to let them know, that the 1 
might do with me what they pleafed. Upon this th 
Hurgo and his train withdrew, with much civility I 
and chearful countenances. Soon after I heard 
general fhout, with frequent repetitions of th 
words, Peplomfeiariy and I felt great numbers o 
people on my left ride, relaxing the cords to fuch 
degree that I was able to turn upon my right, an 
to eafe myfelf with making water ; which I ver 
plentifully did, to the great aftonifhment of th 
people, who conjecturing, by my motion, what 
was going to do, immediately opened to the rig! I 
and left on that fide, to avoid the torrent, whic 
fell with fuch noife and violence from m 
But, before this, they had daubed my face an 
both my hands with a fort of ointment very pie; 
fant to the fmell, which in a few minutes remove I 
all the fmart of their arrows. Thefe circumftance | 
added to the refreshment I had received by the 
victuals and drink, which were very nourifhinj 
difpofed me to ileep. I flept about eight hours, ; 
I was afterwards allured ; and it was no wondei 
for the phylicians, by the Emperor's order, ha 
mingled a fleepy potion in the hogineads of wine. 

It feems that upon the lirit moment I was difcc 
vered, fleeping on the ground after my landini 
the Emperor had early notice of it by an exprefs 
and determined in council, that I mould be tied i 
the manner I have related, (which was done in th 
night while I flept) that plenty of meat and drin 
fhould be fent to me, and a machine prepared t 
carry me to the capital city. 

This rcfolution perhaps may appear very bol 
and dangerous, and I am confident would not ^ 
imitated by any prince in Europe on the like occ? 
iion^, however, in my opinion, it was extremel 
prudent, as well as generous, for fuppofing thof 
people had endeavoured to kill me with their fpear 



and arrows while I was afleep, I fhould certainly 
have awaked with the iirit. fenfe of fmart, which 
might ih far have rouzed my rage and ftrength, as 
to have enabled me to break the firings, where- 
with I was tied ; after which, as they were not 
able to make refiftance, fo they could expect no 

The people are moft excellent mathematicians, 
and arrived to a great perfection in mechanics by 
the countenance and encouragement of the Empe- 
ror, who is a renowned patron ofilearning. This 
prince hath feveral machines fixed on wheels for 
the carriage of trees and other great weights. He 
often builds his largeft men of war, whereof fome 
are nine feet long, in the woods where the timber 
grows, and has them carried on thefe engines three 
or four hundred yards to the fea. Five hundred 
carpenters and engineers were immediately fet at 
work to prepare the greateft engine they had. It 
was a frame of wood raifed three inches from the 
ground, about feven feet long and four wide, mov- 
ing upon twenty- two wheels. The fhout I heard 
was upon the arrival of this engine, which it feems 
' fet out in four hours after my landing. It was 
brought parallel to me, as I lay. But the principal 
difficulty was to raife and place me into this ve- 
! hide. Eighty poles each of one foot high, were e- 
| reeled for this purpofe, and very ftrong cords of 
the bignefs of packthread were faftened by hooks 
to many bandages, which the workmen had girt 
round my neck, my hands, my body, and my legs. 
Nine hundred of the ftrongeit men were employed 
to draw up thefe cords by many pullies faftened on 
the poles ; and thus, in lefs than three hours, I 
was raifed and flung into the engine, and there tied 
fait. All this I was told, for, while the whole o- 
peration was performing, I lay in a profound fletp 
by the force of that foporiferous medicine infufed 
into my liquor. Fifteen hundred of the Eirmeror's 
Vol. IV. Ee largeft 


largefl horfes, each about four inches and an half 
high, were employed to draw me towards the 
metropolis, which, as I faid, was half a mile di- 

About four hours after we began our "journey, 
I awaked bv a verv ridiculous accident : for the 
carriage being ftopt a while, to adjuft fomething, 
that was out of order, two or three of the young 
natives had the curiofity to fee how I looked when 
I was aileep ; they climbed up into the engine, and 
advancing very foftlyto my face, one of them, an 
officer in the guards, put thefharp end of his half- 
pike a good way into my left noftril, which tickled 
my nofe like a ftraw, and made me fneeze violent- 
ly * : whereupon they itole off unperceived, and 
it was three weeks before I knew the caufe of my 
awaking fo fuddenly. We made a long march thi 
remaining part of the day, and refted at night with 
five hundred guards on each fide of me, half with 
torches, and half with bows and arrows, ready to 
ihoot me if I fhould offer to ftir. The next morn- 
ing, at fun-rife, we continued our march, and ar 
rived within two hundred yards of the city-gates 
about noon. The Emperor and all his court came 
out to meet us, but his great officers would by no 
means fuffer his Majefty to endanger his perfon by 
mounting on my body. 

At the place where the carriage ftopt, there flood 
an ancient temple, efteemed to be the largefr in the 
whole kingdom, which, having been polluted fomc 

* It has been remarked, that courage in whatever caufe, though 
it fometim:s excites indignation, is never the object of contempt ; but 
this appears to be true, only becaufe courage is fuppofed to imply fu 
periority : for this officer in the guards becomes extremely ridiculous 
and contemptible, by an act of the moft daring curicfity, which Hi 
fets him in companion with Gulliver ; to whom he was fi much in-1 
f.-rior, that a blaft of the v:an mountain i noftrils would have endan|lU 
gered his life ; and if heroifm itfclf is rot proof again?} ridicule, thcfe 
furely are Lilliputians in philuio'-hy, who conlider ridicule as the K-ft 
of truth. 



years before by an unnatural murder, was, accord- 
ing to the zeal of thofe people, looked upon as 
profane, and therefore had been applied to com- 
mon ufe, and all the ornaments and furniture car- 
ried away. In this edirice it was determined I mould 
lodge. The great gate, fronting to the north, was 
about four feet high, and almoft two feet wide, 
through which I could eafily creep. On each fide 
of the gate was a fmall window, not above fix inch- 
es from the ground : into that on the left tide, the 
King's fmith conveyed fourfcore and eleven chains, 
like thofe that hang to a lady's watch in Europe, 
and almoft as large, which were locked to my left 
leg with fix and thirty padlocks. Over-againft this 
temple, on the other fide of the great highway, at 
twenty feet cliftance, there was a turret at leaft 
five feet high. Here the Emperor afcended 
with many principal lords of his court to have an 
opportunity of viewing me, as I was told, for I 
could not fee them. It was reckoned, that above 
an hundred thoufand inhabitants came out of the 
town upon the fame errand; and in fpite of my 
guards, I believe, there could not be fewer than ten 
thoufand at feveral times* who mounted my body 
by the help of ladders. But a proclamation was 
foon ifTued to forbid it upon pain of death. When 
the workmen found it was impoffible for me to 
break loofe, they Cut all the firings that bound me ; 
whereupon I rofe up with as melancholy a difpofir 
tion, as ever I had in my life. But the ncife and 
aftonifhment of the people at feeing me rile a?id 

i walk are not to be expreiled. The chains that held 
my left leg were about two yards long, and gave 

J me not only the liberty of walking backwards and 
forwards in a femicircle ; but being fixed within 
four inches of the gate, allowed me to creep in, 
and lie at my full length in the temple. 

Ee 2 CHAP. 




The Emperor of Liiliput, attended by fever al of the 
nobility , comes to fee the author in his confinement. 
The Emperor's perfon and habit defcribed. Learn- 
ed men appointed to teach the author their language. 
He gains favour by his mild difpofition. His poc- 
kets are fearehed, and his fiord and pifloh taken 
from him. 

WHEN I found myfelf on my feet, I looked 
about me, and muft confeis I never beheld 
a more entertaining profpect. The country around 
appeared like a continued garden, and the inclofed 
fields which were generally forty feet fquare, refem- 
bled fo many beds of flowers. Thefe fields were 
intermingled with woods of half a ftang *, and the 
talleft trees, as I could judge, appeared to be feven 
feet high. I viewed the town on my left hand, 
which looked like the painted fcene of a city in a 

I had been for fome hours extremely prefTed by 
the neceflities of nature ; which was no wonder, 
it being almoft two days fince I had Lift difburden- 
ed myfelf. I was under great difficulties between 
urgency and fliame. The beft expedient I could 
think on, was to creep into my houfe, which I ac- 
cordingly did ; and, fhutting the gate after me, I 
went as far as the length of my chain would fuffer, 
and diicharged my body of that uneafy load. But 
this was the only time I was ever guilty of fo un- 
cleanly an action ; for which I cannot but hope the 
candid reader will give fome allowance, after he 

* A fiang is a pole ov perch j fixtecn feet and an half. 



hath maturely and impartially coniidered my cafe, 
and the diftrefs I was in. From this time my ccn- 
ftant practice was, as loon as I rofe, to perforrh 
that bulinefs in open air, at the full extent of my 
chain ; and due care was taken every morning, be- 
fore company came, that the offeniive matter ihould 
be carried off in wheelbarrows, by two fervants 
appointed for that purpofe. I would not have 
dwelt fo long upon a circumflance that, perhaps, at 
iirit light may appear not very momentous, if I had 
not thought it necefTary to juftify my character in 
point of cleanlinefs to the world ; which, I am told, 
fome of my maligners have been pleafed, upon this 
and other occafions, to call in qucftion. 

When this adventure was at an end, I came back 
out of my houfe, having occafion for Frefh air. 
The Emperor was already defcended from the tow- 
er, and advancing on horfe-back towards me, which, 
had like to have coft him dear ; for the beafr r 
though very well trained, yet wholly unufed to fucli 
a fight, which appeared as if a mountain moved 
before him, reared up on his hinder feet: but that 
prince, who is an exceIlent,horfeman, kept his-fear, 
till his attendants ran in and held the bridle', while 
his majeity had time to difmount. When he alight- 
ed, he furveyed me round with great- admiration ; 
but kept beyond the length of my chain. He or- 
dered his cooks and butlers, who were already pre- 
pared, to give me victuals and drink, which they 
pufhed forward in a fort of vehicles upon wheels, 
till I could reach them. I took thefe vehicles, and 
foon emptied them all ; twenty of them were filled 
With meat, and ten with liquor ; each of the for- 
mer afforded me two or three good mouthfuls ; and 
I emptied the liquor of ten vefTels, which was con- 
tained in earthen vials, into one vehicle, drinking 
it oft at a draught ; and fo I did with the reft. 
The Emprefs, and young princes of the blood of 
both fexes, attended by many ladies, fat at fome 

Le 3 diftance 


diftance in their chairs ; but f-ponj the accident 
-that happened to the Emperor's horft^they alight- 
ed, and came near his perfon, which I am now- 
going to defcribe. He is taller by almoft the breadth 
of my nail, than any of his court, which alone is 
enough to ftrike an awe into the beholders. His 
features are ftrong and mafculine, with an Auftrian 
lip and arched nofe, his complexion olive, his coun- 
tenance erect, his body and limbs well proportion- 
ed, all his motions graceful, and his deportment 
majeftic. He was then paft his prime, being twen- 
ty-eight years and three quarters old, of which he 
had reigned about feven in great felicity, and gene- 
rally victorious. For the better convenience of 
beholding him, I lay on my iide, fo that my face 
was parallel to his, and he flood but three yards 
off: however, I have had him fince many times in 
my hand, and therefore cannot be deceived in the 
defcription. His drefs was very plain and fimple, 
and the falhion of it between the Afiatic and Eu- 
ropean : but he had on his head a light helmet of 
gold, adorned with jewels, and a plume on the 
crefl. He held his fword drawn in his hand to de- 
fend himfelf, if I mould happen to break loofe + ; 
it was almoft three inches long ; the hilt and fcab- 
bard were gold enriched wkh diamonds. His voice 
was fhrill, but very clear and articulate, and I 
could diilinclly hear it when I flood up. The la- 
dies and courtiers were all moll: magnificently clad, 
fo that the fpot they flood upon feemed to referable 
a_petticoat fpread upon the ground, embroidered 

f The mafculine ftrengh of features, which Gulliver could not fee, 
till he laid his face upon the ground ; and the awful fuperiority of fea- 
ture in a being, whom he held in his hand ; the helmet, the plume, 
and ihe fword, are a fine reproof of human pride ; the objects of 
which aretiifling dlftinctions, whether of perfon or rank 5 the ridi- 
culous parade and orientation of a pigmy, which derive not only their 
erigin, but their u<e, from the folly, weaknefs, and impel feciion of 
urfelves and ctheis, 



with figures of gold and filver. His imperial ma- 
jefty fpoke often to me, and I returned anfwers ; 
but neither of us could underftaml a lyllable. There 
were feveral of his priefts and lawyers prefent, (as 
I conjectured by their habits) who were command- 
ed to addrefs themfelves to me, and I fpoke to 
them in as many languages as I had the leaft fmat- 
tering of, which were High and Low Dutch, L?i- 
tin, French, Spanilh, Italian, and Lingua Franca; 
but all to no purpoie. After about two hours the 
court retired, and I was left with a ftrong guard, 
to prevent the impertinence, and probably the ma- 
lice of the rabble, who were very impatient to 
crowd about me as near as they durft, and fome of 
them had the impudence to fhoot their arrows at 
me, as I fat on the ground by the door of my 
houfe, whereof one very narrowly miiTed my left 
eye. But the colonel ordered fix of the ring-lead- 
ers to be feized; and thought no punifhment Co 
proper, as to deliver them bound into my hands, 
which fome of his foldiers accordingly did, pufh- 
ing them forwards with the butt- ends of their pikes 
into my reach : I took them all on my right hand, 
put five of them into my coat-pocket, and as to the 
fixth, I made a countenance as if I would eat him 
alive. The poor man fqualled terribly, and the 
colonel and his officers were in much pain, efpeci- 
ally when they faw me take out my penknife : but 
I foon put them out of fear ; for, looking mildly, 
and immediately cutting the firings he was bound 
with, I fet him gently on the ground, and away he 
ran. I treated the reft in the fame manner, taking 
them one by one out of my pocket ; and I obferv- 
ed both the foldiers and the people were highly de- 
lighted at this mark of my clemency, which was 
reprefented very much to my advantage at court. 

Towards night I got with fome difficulty into my 
houfe, where I lay on the ground, and continued 
to do fo about a fortnight ; during which time the 



Emperor gave orders to have a bed prepared for 
me Six hundred beds of the common meafure 
were brought in carriages, and worked up in my 
houfe ; an hundred and fifty of their beds, fewn 
together, made up the breadth and length ; and 
thefe were four double, which however kept me 
but very indifferently from the hardnefs of the 
Moor, that was of i'mooth ftone. By the fame 
computation they provided me with iheets, blan- 
kets, and coverlets, tolerable enough for one who 
had been fo long inured to hardihips *. 
As the news of my arrival fpread through the 
kingdom, it brought prodigious numbers of rich, 
idle, and curious people to fee me; fo that the 
villages were almon: emptied, and great neglect of 
tillage and houfehold affairs mnft have enfued, if 
his imperial majefty had not provided by feveral 
proclamations and orders of ftate againft this in- 
conveniency. He directed, that thofe who had al- 
ready beheld me fhould return home, and not pre- 
fume to come within fifty yards of my houfe, with- 
out licence from court ; whereby the fecretaries of 
ftate got coniiderable fees. 

In the mean time, the Emperor held frequent, 
councils, to debate what courfe mould be taken 
with me ; and I was afterwards aiTured by a parti- 
cular friend, a perfon of great quality, who was 
as much in the fecret as any, that the court was un- 
der many difficulties concerning me. They appre- 
hended my breaking looie ; that my diet would be 

* Gulliver has obferved great exactnets in the jufr proportion and 
appearances of the feveral objects thus le ened ana magnified. But 
he dwells too much upon thefe optical deceptions. The mind is tir- 
ed with a repetition of them, especially as he points out no becuty 
nor ufe in fuch ama/.ing difcoveric', which might have been fo coh- 
tinued as to have afforded improvement, at the fame time that they 
gave aitoniihment. He too often fhews an indelicacy that is not a- 
gteoable, and exerts his vein of humour molt improperly in fome 
places, where, I am afraid, he glances a: religion, Onery, 



every expenfive, and might caufe a famine. Some- 
times they determined to ftarve me, or at leaft to 
moot me in the face and hands with poifoned ar-* 
rows, which would foon difpatch me ; but again 
they confidered, that the ftench of fo large a car- 
cafe might produce a plague in the metropolis, and 
probably fpread through the whole kingdom. In 
the midit of thefe confultations, feveral officers of 
the army went to the door of the great council- 
chamber, and two of them being admitted, gave 
an account of my behaviour to the fix criminals 
above-mentioned, which made fo favourable an 
impreffion in the breaft of his majefty, and the 
whole board, in my behalf, that an imperial com 
million was iuiied out, obliging all the villages nine 
hundred miles round the city, to deliver in every 
morning fix beeves, forty iheep, and other victuals 
for my fuftenance ; together with a proportionable 
quantity of bread and wine, and other liquors ; 
for the due payment of which his majefty gave af- 
fignments upon his treafury. For this prince lives 
chiefly upon his own demefnes, feldom, except up- 
on great occafions, railing any fubfidies upon his 
fubjccls, who are bound to attend him in his wars 
at their own expence. An eftablifhment was alfo 
made of fix hundred perfons to be my domeftics* 
who had board-wages allowed for their maintain- 
ance, and tents built for them very conveniently 
on each fide of my door. It was likewife ordered, 
that three hundred taylors fhould make me a fuit 
of cloaths after the fafhion of the country : that 
fix of his majefty 's greateft fcholars fhould be em- 
ployed to inftrucl: me in their language : and laftly, 
that the Emperor's horfes, and thofe of the nobili- 
ty, and troops of guards, fhould be frequently ex- 
ercifed in my fight, to accufiom themfelves to me. 
All thefe orders were duly put in execution, and 
in about three weeks I made a great progrefs in 
learning their language ; during which time the 



Emperor frequently honoured me with his vifits,. 
and was pleafed to affift my matters in teaching me. 
We began already to converfe together in fome 
fort ; and the firft words I learnt were to exprefs 
my defire, that he would pleafe to give me my li- 
berty, which I every day repeated on my knees. 
His anfwer, as I could apprehend it, was, that this 
muft be a work of time, not to be thought on 
without the advice of his council, and that fkft I 
muft lumos kelmin pejfo dcfmar Ion empofo % that is, 
fwear a peace with him and his kingdom. Howe- 
ver, that I fhould be ufed with all kindnefs ; and he 
advifed me to acquire by my patience and difcreet 
behaviour, the good opinion of himfelf and his fub- 
jecls. He defired I would not take it ill, if he gave 
orders to certain proper officers to fearch me, for 
probably I might carry about me feveral weapons j 
which muft needs be dangerous things, if they an- 
fwered the bulk of fo prodigious a perfon. I laid, 
his majefty fhould be fatisfied ; for I was ready to 
ftrip myfelf, and turn up my pockets before him, 
This I delivered, part in words, and part in ligns. 
He replied, that by the laws of the kingdom I muft 
be fearched by two of his officers ; that he knew 
this could not be done without my conlent and af- 
fiftance ; that he had fo good an opinion of my 
generoilty and juftice, as to truft their perfons in 
my hands : that whatever they took from me 
fhould be returned when I left the country, or paid 
for at the rate which I fhould fct upon them I 
took up the two officers in my hands, put them 
firft into my coat-pockets, and then into every o- 
ther pocket about me, except my two fobs, and 
another fecret pocket, which I had no mind -fhould 
be fearched, wherein I had fome little necefiaries> 
that were of no coufequence to any but myfelf. 
In one of my fobs there was a iilver watch, and 
in the other a fmall quantity of gold in a purie, 
Thefe gentlemen, having pen, ink and paper a- 



bout them, made an exact inventory of every thing 
they faw ; and, when they had done, delired I 
would let them down, that they might deliver it to 
the Emperor. This inventory I afterwards trans- 
lated into Ensdifh, and is word for word as fol- 
lows : 

Imprimis, In the right coat-pocket of the great 
man-mountain (for fo I interpret the words quinlus 
fieftrin), after the ftricteft. fearch, we found only 
one great piece of coarSe cloth, large enough to 
be a foot-cloth for your majelty's chief room of 
State. In the left pocket we faw a huge filver cheft, 
with a cover of the fame metal, which we, the 
Searchers were not able to lift. We delired it mould 
:be opened, and one of us Stepping into it, found 
himSelf up to the mid-leg in a fort of duff, fome 
part whereof flying up to our faces, fet us both a- 
fheezing for Several times together. In his right 
waiftcoat-pocket we found a prodigious bundle of 
white thin fubftances, foldtd one over another, a- 
bout the bignefs of three men, tied with a Strong 
cable, and marked with black figures ; which we 
humbly conceive to be writings, every letter almoff. 
half as large as the palm of our hands In the left 
there was a fort of engine, from the back of which 
were extended twenty long poles, refembling the 
palifadoes before your majefty's court ; wherewith 
we conjecture the man-mountain combs his head ; 
for we did not always trouble him with queftions, 
becauSe we found it a great difficulty to make him 
underftand us. In the large pocket on the right 
fide of his middle cover (So I tranflate the word Ran- 
fu-lo, by which they meant my breeches) we Saw a 
hollow pillar of iron, about the length of a man, 
fattened to a Strong piece of timber, larger than the 
pillar ; and upon one Side of the pillar were huge 
pieces of iron Sticking out, cut into Strange figures, 
which we know not what 10 make of. In the left 
pocket another engine of the Same kind. In the 



f mailer pocket on the right fide were feveral round 
flat pieces of white and red metal of different 
bulk; fome of the white, which feemed to be fil- 
ver, were fo large and heavy, that my comrade and 
I could hardly lift them. In the left pocket were 
two black pillars irregularly fhaped : we could not 
without difficulty reach the top of them as we ftood 
at the bottom of his pocket. One of them was co- 
vered, and feemed all of a piece : but at the upper 
end of the other there appeared a white round fub- 
ftance, about twice the bignefs of our heads. 
Within each of thefe was inclofed a prodigious plate 
of fteel ; which, by our orders, we obliged him to 
ihew us, becaufe we apprehended they might" be 
dangerous engines. He took them out of their 
cafes, and told us, that in his own country his 
practice was to fhave his beard with one of thefe, 
and to cut his meat with the other. There were 
two pockets which we could not enter : thefe he 
called his fobs ; they were two large flits cut in- 
to the top of his middle cover, but fqueezed dole 
by the prefTure of his belly. Out of the right fob 
hung a great filver chain with a wonderful kind of 
engine at the bottom. "We directed him to draw 
out whatever was at the end of that chain ; which 
appeared to be a globe, half filver, and half of 
fome tranfparent metal : for on the tranfparent 
iide we faw certain ftranse figures circularly drawn, 
and thought we could touch them, till we found 
our fingers flopped by that lucid fubitance. He 
put this engine to our ears, which made an incei- 
fant noife like that of a water-mill : and we con* 
jecture it is either fome unknown animal, or the 
god that he worfhips ; but we are more inclinf d 
to the latter opinion, becaufe he affured us (if we 
underftood him right, for he expreifed hirnfelf ve- 
ry imperfectly) that he feldom did any thing with- 
out confulting it. He called it his oracle, and faid 




it pointed out the time for every action of his life*. 
Fiom the left fob he took out a net, almoif large 
enough for a fiiherman, but contrived to open and 
fhut like a purie, and ferved him for the fame ufe : 
we found therein feveral mafTy pieces of yellow me- 
tal, which, if they be real gold, mult be of im- 
menfe value. 

Having thus, in obedience to your majefty's com- 
mands, diligently fearched all his pockets, we ob- 
ferved a girdle about his waift, made of the hide of 
fome prodigious animal, from which, on the left 
fide, hung a fword of the length of five men ; and 
on the right, a bag or pouch divided into two cells, 
each cell capable of holding three of your majef- 
ty's fubjecls. In one of thefe cells were feveral 
globes, or balls, of a moft ponderous metal, about 
the bignefs of our heads, and required a ftrorig 
hand to lift them : the other cell contained a heap 
of certain black grains, but of no great bulk or 
weight, for we could hold above fifty of them in 
the palms of our hands. 

This is an exact inventorv of what we found a- 
bout the body of the man-mountain, who ufed us 
with great civility, and due refpecl: to your majef- 
ty's commiilion. bigned and fealed on the fourth 
day of the eighty-ninth moon of your majefty's 
aulpicious reign. 

Clcfrln Frelcc, Marfi Freloc. 

When this inventory was read over to the Empe- 
ror, he directed me, akhough in very gentle terms, 
to deliver up the feveral particulars. He firft called 
for my fcymiter, which i took out, fcabbard and 
all. In the mean time he ordered three thoufand of 
his choiceft troops (who then attended him) to fur- 

* Perhaps the author intended to expofe the probable fallacy of o- 
pinions derived from the relations of travellers, by mewing how lit- 
tle truth need to be mifunderftood to make falfehood fpecious. 

Vol. IV. F f round 



round me at a diftance, with their bows and arrows 
juft ready to difcharge : but I did not obferve it, 
for mine eyes were wholly fixed upon his Majefty. 
He then defired me to draw mv fcymiter, which, 
although it had got fome ruit by the fea;- water, was 
in nloft parts exceeding bright. I did fo, and im- 
mediately all the troops gave a ihcut between terror 
and furprize ; Tor the fun ihone clear, and the re- 
flection dazzled their eyes, as I waved the icymitar 
to and fro in my hand. His rnajeity, who is a moll 
magnanimous prince # , was lefs daunted than I 
cou d expect ; he ordered me to return it into the 
fcat)bard, and cafe it on the ground as gently as I 
could, about fix feet from the end of my chain. | 
The next thing he demanded, was one of the hol- 
low iron pillars ; by which he meant my pocket- 
piilols. I drew it out, and at his defire, as well as 
I could, expreiled to him the ufe of it ; and char- 
ging only with powder, which by the clofenefs of 
my pouch happened to efcape wetting in the fea 
(an inconvenience againft which all prudent mari- 
ners take fpecial care to provide) I mit cautioned 
the Emperor not to be afraid, and then I let it off 
in the air. The aftoniihment here was much great- 
er than at the light of my fcymiter. Hundreds fell 
down, as if they had been if ruck dead ; and even | 
the Emperor, although he flood his ground, could 
not recover himfelf in fome time. 'I delivered up both 
my piftols in the fame manner, as I had done my 
fcymiter, and then my pouch of powder and bul 
lets ; begging him that the former might be kept 
from fire, for it would kindle with the fmaUeft fpark, 
and b'ow up his imperial palace into the air. I like- 
wife delivered up my watch, which the Emperor 

* He who does not find bimfelf d'f, of d to honour this mnam-| 
mily should reflect, that a light t<. judge of moral and intellectual x- 
cellence is, with great ..bfunlity and luju'icr, arrogated by hi n whol 
admire^, in a being- fix feet high, any gualities that he de-pifes in| 
one, whofe ftature dots net exceed fix inches. 



was vers curious to fee, and commanded two of his 
t.illeit yeomen of the guards, to bear it on a pole 
upon their moulders, as dry-men in England do a 
ban-el of ale. He was amazed at the continual 
noife it made, and the n otion of the minute-hand, 
which he could eafily difern ; for their fight are much 
more acute than ours: he asked the opinions of his 
lei ned men about it, which were various and re- 
mote, as the reader may well imagine without my 
repeating; although indeed I could not very per- 
fectly underftand them. I then gave up my hlver 
and copper money, my purfe with nine large pieces 
of "old and fome fmaller ones ; my knife and ra- 
zor, my comb and filver fnufi-box, my handker- 
chief and journal-book. My fcymiter, piftols, and 
pouch were conveyed in carriages to his Majefty's 
ftores; but the reft of my goods were returned 

I had, as I before obferved, one private pocket, 
which efcaped their fearch, wherein there were a 
pair of fpeclacles (which I fometimes ufe for the 
weaknefs of mine eyes) a pocket perfpective, and 
fome other little conveniencies ; which being of no 
confequence to the emperor, I did not think my- 
felf hound in honour to difcover, and I apprehend- 
ed they might be loft or fpoiled, if I ventured them 
out of my pofTeffion. 

F f 2 CHAP 


C H A P. III. 

The author diverts the Emperor and his nobility of both 
/exes in a very uncommon manner. The diver/ions 
of the court of Liltiput described. The author hath 
his liberty granted him upon certain conditions. 

1^ /f*Y genrlenefs and good behaviour had gained 
JLVjl fo & r en the emperor and his court, and 
indeed upon the army, and people in general, that 
I began to conceive hopes of getting my liberty in a 
ihort time. I took all poffible methods to cultivate 
this favourable difpefition. The natives came by 
clegrees to be lefs apprehensive of any danger from 
me. I would fometimes lie down, and let five or fix 
of them dance on my hand : and at laft the boys 
and girls would venture to come and play at hide 
and leek in my hair. I had now made a good pro- 
greis in understanding and fpeaking their language. 
The Emperor had a-rr.ind one day to entertain me 
with feveral of the country fhows, wherein they 
exceed all nations I have known, both for dexte- 
rity and magnificence. I was diverted with nonelo 
much, as that of the rope-dancers, performed up- 
on a (lender white-thread, extended about two feet 
and twelve inches from the ground Upon which 
I fhall defire liberty, with the reader's patience, to 
enlarge a little. 

This diverflon is only pradtifed by thofe perfons, 
who are candidates for great employments, and 
high favour at court. They are trained in this art 
from their youth, and are not always of noble 
birth, or liberal education. When a great office is 
vacant either by death or difgrace, (which often 
happens) five or fix of thofe candidates petition the 
Emperor to entertain his majefty and the court with 


a dance on the iope, and whoever jumps the high- 
eft without falling, iiicceeds in the office. Very 
often the chief minifters themfelves are command- 
ed to fhew their ikill, and to convince the Empe* 
ror, that they have not ioft their faculty. Flim- 
nap, the treafurer, is allowed to cut a caper on the 
itrait rope at leaft an inch higher, than any other 
lord in the whole empire. I hive feen him do the 
flimmerfet * feveral times together upon a trencher, 
ilxed on a rope, which is no thicker than a com- 
mon packthread in England. My friend, 
principal fecretary for private affairs, is, in my o- 
pinion, if I am not partial, the fecond after the 
Hreafurer \ the reft of the great officers are much. 

upon a par. 

Thefe diverfions are often attended with fatal ac- 
cidents, whereof great numbers are on record. I 
mviVif have feen two or three candidates break a 
limb. But the danger is much greater when the 
minifters themfelves are commanded to fhew their 
dexterity ; for by contending to excel! themfelves 
and their fellows, they ftrain fo far, that there is 
hardly one of them who hath not received a fall, 
and fome of them two or three.. I was afiured, that 
a year or two before my arrival, Flimxiap would in < 
fallibly have broke his neck, if one of" the king's- 
culhions, that accidentally lay on the ground, had- 
not weakened the force of his fall.. 

Xbere is likewife another diversion, which is on- 
ly lhewn before the Emperor andEmprcfs, and firft 
minifter upon particular occafions. The Emperor 
lays on the table three fine filken threads of fix 
inches long ; one it blue > the other red, and the 
third green. Thefe threads are propofed as a prize 
for thofe perfons, whom the Emperor hath a-mii:d 

* Summerfet, or fummcrfault, a gambol of a tumbler, in wlrch he 
{p-\ ogs up, turns heel over head in the air, . and ccraes down upon his 

F f 3 to 


to diflinguifh by a peculiar mark of his favour. 
The ceremony is performed in his Majerry's great 
chamber of flate, where the candidates are to un- 
dergo a trial of dexterity very different from the 
former, and fuch as I have not obferved the leaft 
refemblance of in any other country of the old or 
new world. The Emperor holds a flick in his hands, 
both ends parallel to the horizon, while the candi- 
dates advancing, one by one, fometimes leap over 
the flick, fometimes creep under it, backwards and 
forwards feveral times, according as the Hick is ad- 
vanced or deprefTed. Sometimes the Emperor holds 
one end of the flick, and his firft minifler the o- 
ther ; fometimes the minifler has it entirely to him- 
felf. Whoever performs his part with the mofl a- 
gility, and holds out the longefh in leaping and 
creeping is rewarded with the blue-coloured filk ; 
the red is given to the next, and the green to the 
third, which they all wear girt twice round a- 
bout the middle ; and you fee few great perfons a- 
bout this court, who are not adorned with one of 
thefe girdles. 

The horfes of the army, and thofe of the royal 
{tables, having been daily led before me, were no 
longer fhy, but would come up to my very feet 
without ftarting. The riders would leap them over 
my hand, as 1 held it on the ground ; and one of 
the Emperor's huntfmen, upon a large courfer took 
my foot, fhoe and all ; which was indeed a prodi- 
gious leap. I had the good fortune to divert the 
Emperor one day after a very extraordinary manner. 
I defired he would order feveral flicks of two feet 
high, and the thicknefs of an ordinary cane, to be 
brought me; whereupon his Majefly commanded 
the mafler of his woods to give directions according- 
ly, and the next morning fix woodmen arrived 
with as many carriages, drawn by eight horfes to 
each. 1 took nine of thefe flicks, and fixing them 
iirmly in the ground in a quadrangular figure, two 



feet and a half fqure, I took four other fticks, and 
tied them parallel at each corner about nvo feet 
from the ground ; then I faftened my handkerchief 
to the nine fticks that flood erect ; and extended it 
on all fides, till it was tight as the top of a drum : 
and the four parallel fticks, riling about five inches 
higher than the handkerchief, ferved as ledges on 
each fide. When I had fmiihed my work, I defir- 
ed the Emperor to let a troop of his belt horfe, 
twenty- four in number, come and exercife upon 
this plain. His Majefty approved of the propofal, 
and I took them up one by one in my hands ready 
mounted and armed, with the proper officers to ex- 
ercife them. As foon as they got into order, they 
divided into two parties, performed mock ikirmifh- 
es, difcharged blunt arrows, drew their iwords, 
fled, and pnrfued, attacked and retired, and in 
fhort, difcovered the beft military difcipiine I ever 
beheld. The parallel fticks fecured them and their 
horfes from falling over the fbge ; and the Em- 
peror was fo much delighted, that he ordered this 
entertainment to be repeated feveral days, and once 
was pleafed to be lifted up, and give the word of 
command : and, with great difficulty, perfuaded e- 
even the Emprefs herfelf to let me hold her in her 
clofe chair within two yards of the ftage, from 
whence me was able to take a full view of the whole 
performance. It was my good fortune, that no 
ill accident happened in thefe entertainments, only 
once a fiery horfe, that belonged to one of the 
captains, pawing with his hoof, ftruck a hole in 
my handkerchief, and his foot flipping, he over- 
threw his rider and himfelf ; but I immediately re- 
lieved them both, and covering the hole with one 
hand, I fet down the troop with the other, in the 
fame manner as I took them up. The horfe that 
fell was {trained in the left fhoulder, but the rider 
got no hurt, and 1 repaired my handkerchief as 
well as I could j however, I would not truft to the 



ftrength of it any more in fuch dangerous enter- 

About two or three days before I was fet at li- 
berty, as I was entertaining the court with this kind 
of feats, there arrived an exprefs to inform his ma- 
jefty, that fome of his fubjects, riding near the 
place where I was firft taken up, had feen a great 
black fubfiance lying on the ground, very oddly 
ihaped, extending its edges round as wide as his 
Majefty's bed-chamber, and riling up in the middle 
as high as a man ; that it was no living creature J 
as they at firft apprehended, for it lay on the grafs 
without motion ; and fome of them had walked 
round it feveral times ; that, by mounting upOn 
each other's fhoulders, they had ~<zot to the top, 
which was flat and even, and ftampingupon it, they 
found it was hollow within ; that they humbly con- 
ceived it might be fomething belonging to the mart' 
mountain ; and if his Majefty pleafed, they would 
undertake to bring it only with live horfes. I pre- 
fently knew what they meant, and was glad at heart 
to receive this intelligence. It feems, upon my firft: 
reaching the fhore after our fhipwreck 1 was in fuch 
cbnfufion, that, before I came to the place where 
I went to deep, my hat, which I had fattened with 
a firing to my head while I was rowing, and had 
ftuck on all the time I was lwimming, fell off 
after I came to land; the firing, as I conjecture, 
breaking by fome accident, which 1 never obferv- 
cd, but thought my hat had been loft at fea. I in- 
treated his imperial Majefty to give orders, it might 
be brought to me as foon as ponible, defcribing to him 
the ufe and the nature of it ; and the next day the 
waggoner arrived with it, but not in a very good 
condition ; they had bored two holes in the brim 
within an inch and half of the edge, and fattened 
two hooks in the holes ; thefe hooks were tied by a 
long cord to the harnefs, and thus my hat was drag- 
ged along for above half an Englifh mile ; but, the 



ground in that country being extremely frnooth and 
level, it received Lfs damage than I expecltd. 

Two days after this adventure, the Emperor 
having ordered that part of his army, which quar- 
ters in and about his metropolis, to be in a readi- 
nefs, took a fancy of diverting himkif in a very 
lingular manner. He defired I would ftand like a 
Coloffus, with my legs as far afunder as I conve- 
niently could. He then commanded his general 
(who was an old experienced leader, and a great 
patron of mine) to draw up the troops in clofe or- 
der, and march them under me ; the foot by 
twenty-four in a bread, and the horfe by fixteen, 
with drums beating, colours flying, and pikes ad- 
vanced. This body confifted of three thoufand 
foot, and a thoufand horfe. His Majefty gave or- 
ders, upon pain of death, that every foldier in his 
march mould obferve the ftricteft decency, with 
regard to my perfon ; which, however, could not 
prevent fome of the younger officers from turning 
up their eyes, as they paffed under me : and, to 
confefs the truth, my breeches were at that time in 
fo ill a condition, that they afforded fome oppor- 
tunities for laughter and admiration. 

I had fent fo many memorials and petitions for 
my liberty, that his Majefty at length mentioned the 
matter firfc in the cabinet, and then a full coun- 
cil ; where it was oppofed by none, except Skyrefh 
Bolgolam, who was pleafed, without any provoca- 
tion, to be my mortal enemy. But it was carried 
againft him by the whole board, and confirmed by 
the Emperor. That minifter was galbet, Or admi- 
ral of the realm, verv much in his mafter's confi- 
dence, and a perfon well verfed in affairs, but of a 
morofe and four complexion. However, he was at 
length perfuaded to comply ; but prevailed that 
the articles and conditions upon which I ihould be 
fet free, and to which I muft fwear, fhould be 
drawn up by himfelf. Thefe articles were brought 



to me by Skyrefh Bolgolam in perfon, attended by 
two under-fecretaries, and feveral perfbns of dif- 

tinc'tion. After they were read, I was deffi mded to 
iwear to the performance of them ; nrft in die man- 
ner of my own country, and afterwards in the me- 
thod prefcribed by their laws, which was to hold my 
right foot in my left hand, and to place the middle 
finger of my right hand on the crown of my head, 
and thumb on the tip of my right ear. But becaufe 
the reader may be curious to have forne idea of the 
ftyle and manner of exprefnon peculiar to that peo- 
ple, as well as to know the articles upon which 1 
recovered my liberty, I have made a translation of 
the whole inftrument, word for word, as near as I 
was able, which I here offer to the public. 

Golbafto Momaren Evlame Gurdilo She/in Mully 
Ully Gue, mod mighty Emperor of Lilliput, delight 
and terror of the univerfe, whole dominions ex- 
tend five thoufand blvfimgs (about twelve miles in 
circumference) to the extremities of the globe ;. 
monarch of all monarchs, taller than the fons of 
men; whofe feet prefs down to the centre, and 
whofe head ftrikes againft the fun ; at whofe nod 
the princes of the earth make thc.ii knees ; plea- 
fan t as the fpring, comfortable as the fummer. 
fruitful as autumn, dreadful as winter. His moft 
fublime Majefty propofeth to the man-mountain, 
lately arrived at our celeftial dominions, the fol- 
lowing articles, which by a folemn oath he mall be 
obliged to perform. 

i/f, The man-mountain mall not depart from our 
dominions, without our licence under our great 

2:/, He fhall not prefume to come into our me- 
tropolis without our exprefs order ; at which time 
the inhabitants fhail have two hours warning to 
keep within doors. 

3</, The faid man-mountain fhall confine his 



walks to ouf principal high-roads, and not offer 
to walk or lie down in a meadow or field of corn. 

4th, As he walks the laid roads, he (hall take the 
utmoft care not to trample upon the bodies of any 
of our loying iubjecis. their horfes, or carriages, 
nor take any of our fubjecls into his hands without 
their own content. 

5/'', If an exprefs requires extraordinary dif- 
patch, the man-tno mtain ihall be obliged to carry in 
his pocket the meflenger and horfe a fix days jour- 
ney once in every .moon, and return the laid mtf- 
fenger back (if fo required) iafe to our Imperial 

6th, He fliall be our ally againft our enemies in 
the bland of Jjiefufcu *, and do his utmoft to de- 
ftroy their fleet, which is now preparing to invade 

nth, That the faid man-mpuntain ihall, at his 
times of leifure, be aiding and affifting to cur work- 
men, in helping to raite certain great (tones, to- 
wards covering the wall of the principal park, and 
other our royal buildings . 

8tb, That the faid man-mountain fliall, in two 
moons time, deliver in an exact furvey of the cir- 
cumference of our dominions, by a computation of 
his own paces round the coaft. 

Laftiy, That upon his folemn oath to obferve 'all 
the above articles, the laid man-mountain mail have 
a daily allowance of meat and drink fufficient for 
the fupport of 1724 of our fubjects, with free ac- 
cels to our royal perfon, and other marks uf our 
favour. Given at our palace at Belfaborac, the 
twelfth day of the ninety- firft moon of our reign. 

* In his def ription cf Lilliput, the author Hems tohave had Eng- 
land moil knm . . e y in view. In his defcription of Blefu cu hs 
fecir.s to intend the people ?nd kingdom of Fiance Yet the allegoiy 
between thefe nations i; freq lently in eirupted, r.nd fcarce any where 
eempkte. Sew raS jyft llrokes of f.aire are fcattered here and there 
-cp.n erro.s in the conduft of oi.r ^ovemn'.ent. Onery, 

I fworc 


I (wore and fubfcribed to thefe articles with great 
chearfulnefs and content, although fome of them 
were not fo honourable as I could have wifhed ; 
which proceeded wholly from the malice of Sky- 
refh Bolgolam, the high-admiral ; whereupon my 
chains were immediately unlocked, and I was at 
full liberty. The Emperor himfelf, in perfon, did" 
me the honour to be by at the whole ceremony. I 
made my acknowledgments by protesting myfelf 
at his Majefty's feet : but he commanded me to 
rile ; and after many gracious expreffions, which, 
to avoid die cenfure of vanity, I mall not repeat ; 
he added, that he hoped I mould prove a ufeful 
fervant, and well deferve all the favours he had 
already conferred upon me, or might do for the 

The reader may pleafe to obferve, that, in the 
loft article for the recovery of my liberty, the Em- 
peror ftipulates to allow me a quantity of meat and 
drink fufficient for thefupportof 1724 Lilliputians. 
Some time after, aiking a friend at court, how 
they came to fix on that determinate number ; he 
told me, that his mathematicians having taken the 
height of my body by the help of a quadrant, and 
finding it to exceed theirs in the proportion of 
twelve to one, they concluded, from the limila- 
rity of their bodies, that mine muft contain at leaft 
1724 of theiis, aud confcquently would require as 
much food as was neceflary tofupport that number 
of Lilliputians. By which die reader may conceive 
an idea of the ingenuity of that people, as well as 
the prudent and exact orconomy of fo great a 

C II A P. 




MUdendo, the metropolis of LiHiput, defcribed. toge- 
ther with the Emperor's palace. A converfalion 
between the author and a principal fcretary, con- 
cerning the affairs of that empire. The author's 
offers to ferve the Emperor in his wars. 

^HE fir ft requeft I made, after I had obtained 
mv liberty, was, that 1 might have licence to 
fee Mildendo, the metropolis ; which the Emperor 
eafily granted me, but with a fpecial charge to do 
no hurt either to the inhabitants or their houfes. 
The people had notice by proclamation, of my de- 
fign to viiitthe town. The wall, which encompaf- 
fed it, is two feet and a half high, and at leaft 
eleven inches broad, lo that a coach and horfes 
may be driven very fafely round it ; and it is flank- 
ed with ftrong towers at ten feet diftance. I itepc 
over the great weftern gate, and pafled very gently 
and iideling, through the two principal ftreets, on- 
ly in my fhort waiitcoat, for fear of damaging the 
roofs and eaves of the houfes with the fkirts cf my 
coat. I walked with the utmeft circumfpe-ftion to 
avoid treading on any (trailers", wlio might re- 
main in the ftreets : although the orders were very 
Brier, that all people mould keep in their houfes 
at their own peril. The garret-windows and 
tops of houfes were fo crowtfed with fptclators, 
that I thought in all my travels I had net 
feen a more populous place The city is an exact 
fquare, each fide of the wall being five hundred 
feet long. The two great ftreets, which run crofs 
and divide it into four quarters, are five {cct wide. 
The lanes and alleys, which I could not enter, but 
Vol. IV. G g only 



only viewed them as I pafled, are from twelve to 
eighteen inches. The town is capable of holding 
five hundred thoufand fouls : the houfes are from 
three to five ftoiies : the fhops and markets well 

The Emperor's palace is in the centre of the city, 
.where the two great ftreets meet. It is inclofcd by 
a Avail of two feet high, and twenty feet diftance 
from the buildings. I had his Majeity's permiffion 
t3 ftep over this wall ; and the fpace being fo wide 
between that and the palace, I could eaiily view it 
on every fide. The outward court is a fquare of 
forty feet, and includes two other courts ; in the I 
mmoft are the royal apartments, which I was very 
-cleiirous to fee, but found it extremely difficult ; 
for the great gates, from one fquare into another, 
were but eighteen inches hioh, and feven inches 
wide. Now the buildings of the outer court were 
at leafc flvefeet high, and it was impoflible for me to 
ftride over them without infinite damage to the pile, 
tho' the walls .were itrongiy built of hewn ftone, 
and four inches thick. At the fame time theEm- 
peror had a great deiire, that I fhould fee the mag- 
nifience of his palace ; but this I was not able to do 
till three days after, which I fpent in cutting down 
with my knife fome of the largcit trees in the royal 
park, about an hundred yards diftance from the 
city. Of thefe trees I made two flools, each about 
three feet high, and itroog enough to bear my 
weight. The people having received notice a fe 
fecond time, I went again through the city to the 
palace, with my two ftools in my hands. When . I 
came to the fide of the outer court, I ftood upon 
one (tool, and took the other in my hand ; this I 
lifted over fche roof, and gently fet it down on the 
fpace between the iirft and the fecond court, which 
was eight feet wide. I then llept over the building 
very conveniently from one ftool to the other, and 
drew up the firft after me with a hooked ftick. 





By this contrivance I "ot into the inmoft conn ; 
and, lying down upon my fide, I applied my face 
to the windows of the middle ftories, which 
were left open on purpofe, and discovered the 
moit fplendid apartments that can be imagin- 
ed. There i i\\v the Enaprtfs and the young 
princes in their Several lod sines with their chief at- 
tendants about them. Her imperial Majefty was 
pleafed to Smile very gracioufiy upon me, and gave 
me out of the window her hand to kifs. 

But I fliall not anticipate the reader with farther 
defcriptions of this kind, becauSe I referve them 
for a greater work, which is now almoit ready for 
the prefs, containing a general defcription of this- 
empire, from its nril erection thro' a long feries of 
princes, with a particular account of their wars and 
politics, laws, learning, and religion, their plants 
and animals, their peculiar manners and cuftoms, 
with other matters very curious and ufeful; my 
chief defign at prefent being only to relate inch e- 
vents and transactions, as happened to the public 
or to my felf, during a residence of about nine- 
months in that empire. 

One morning, about a fortnight after I had ob- 
tained my liberty, ReldreSal, principal Secretary (as 
they ftile him) for private affairs; came to mv 
houfe, attended only by one ferv ant. He ordeied 
his coach to wait at a diftance, and defired I would 
give him an hours audience : which I readily con- 
sented to, on account of his quality and perfonai 
merits, as well as of the many crood offices he had. 
done me during my foliciations at court. I offer- 
ed to lie down, that he might the more convenient- 
ly reach my ear; but he chofe rather to let me 
hold him in my hand during our -conversation. He 
began with compliments on my liberty ; faid, he 
might pretend to fome merit* in it : but howe- 
ver added, that, if it had not been for the 
prefent Situation of things at court, perhaps \ 

G g 2 might 


might not have obtained it foToon. Ecv, faid he, 
as fiouriining a condition as we appear to be in to 
foreigners, we labour under two mighty evils ; a 
violent faction at home, and the danger of an inva- 
sion by a moft potent enemy from abroad. As to 
the firft, you are to underftand, that, for above 
feventy moons pad there have. been two ftruggling 
parties in this empire, under the names of Tra* 
meckfau, and Slameckfan f, from the high and 
low heels of their fhoes, by which they diftinguifh 
themfelves. It is alledged indeed, that the high 
heels are moft agreeable to our ancient confti- 
tution ; but, however this be, his Majefty 
hath determined to make ufe only of low 
heels in the adrniniftration of the government, and 
all offices in the gift of the crown, as you cannot 
"but obferve ; and particularly, that his Majefty's 
imperial heels are lower at leaft by a drurr than 
any of his court {drurr is a meafure about the four- 
teenth part of an inch.) The animofities between 
thefe two parties run fo high, that they will neither 
eat nor drink, nor talk with each other. We com- 
pute the Trameckfan, or high-heels, to exceed us 
in number ; but the power is wholly on our fide. 
We apprehend his imperial Highnefs, the heir to 
the crown, to have foine tendency towards the high- 
heels ; at leaft, Ave can plainly difcover, that one of 
his heels is higher than the ether, which gives him a 
hoble in his gait. Now, in themidft of thefe inteftine 
difquiets, we are threatened with an invaiion from 
the idand of Blefufcu, which is the other creat cm- 
pire of the univerfe, almcfft as large and powerful 
as this of his Maiefty: For as to what we have heard 

* H^hOh\nch and Low-Church, or Wh : g ?.nd To-y. .As eery 
accidental di Ference between man arid man, in perfm and circ ran - 
ftances, is by this woik reodued extremely contempt, !.L* } fo fpecu- 
la'ive differences are (hewn to be equally riciiculoiis. when the zeal, 
with wh'ch they ave oppofed and defended, too much exceeds their 

VOU ] 


you affirm, that there are other kingdoms and 
ltates in the world, inhabited .bv human creatures 
as large as your! elf, our philofophers are in much 
doubt, and would rather conjecture that you drop- 
ped from the moon, or one of the ftars ; becauie 
it is certain, that" an hundred mortals of your 
bulk, would in a fhort time deftroy all the fruits 
and cattle of his Majefty's dominions : befides* 
our hiftories of fix thoufand moons make no men- 
tion of any other regions, than the two great em- 
pires of Lilliput and Blefufcu. Which two mighty 
powers have, as I was going to tell you, been en- 
gaged in a moft obftinate war for fix and thirt\ 



moons pair. It began upon the following occa- 
sion : it is allowed on all hands, that the primitive 
way of breaking eggs, before we eat them, was upon 
the larger end ; but his prefent Majefty's grand- 
father, while he was a boy, going to eat an egg, and 
breaking it accordin to t.he ancient practice, hap- 
pened to cut one of his fingers. Whereupon the 
Emperor, his Either, published an eclic~r, command- 
all his fubjecls, upon great penalties, to break 
the imaller end of their eggs. The people fo high- 
ly relented this law, chat our hiftories tell us, there 
have been fix rebellions raifed on that account, 
wherein one Emperor loft his life, and another his 
crown. Thefe civil commotions were conftantly 
fomented by the monarchs of Blefufcu ; and 
when they were quelled, the exiles always fled for 
refuge to that empire. It is computed that eleven 
thoufand perfbns have at feveral times fufFered 
death, rather than fubmit to break their eggs at 
the imaller end. Many hundred large volumes 
have' been publifhed upon this controverfy ; but 
the books of the Bie-endians. have been Ions for- 
bidden, and the whole party rendered incapable by 
law of holding employments. During the courfe 
of thefe troubles, the Emperors of Blefufcu did 
frequently expoftulate by their ambaffadors, ac- 

G g 3 cufing 


cufing us of making a fchifm in religion, by offend- 
ing againft a fundamental doctrine of our great 
prophet Luftrog, in the fifty-fourth chapter of the 
Blundecral (which is their Alcoran.) This how- 
ever is thought to be a mere fcrain upon the text ; 
for the words are thefe : That all true believers 
break their eggs at the convenient end. And which 
is the convenient end, feems in my humble opinion 
to be left to every man's confcience, oratleaflin the 
power of the chief magiftrate to determine. Now, 
the Big-endian exiles have found fo much credit 
in the Emperor of Bkfufcu's court, and fo much | 
private afliftance and encouragement from their 
party here at home, that a bloody war hath been 
carried on between the two empires for fix and 
thirty moons, with various fuccefs ; during which I 
time we have loft forty capital mips, and a much 
greater number of fmaller veffels, together with | 
thirty thoufand of our beft feamen and foldicrs ; 
and the damage received by the enemy is reckoned 
to be fomewh.u greater than ours. However, they 
have now equipped a numerous fleet, and are juft 
preparing to make a defcent upon us : and his im- 
perial Majeity, placing great confidence in your va- 
lour and ftrength, hath commanded me to lay this 
account of his affairs before you. 

I deiired thefecretary to prefent my humble duty 
to the Emperor, and to let him know, that I thought 
it would not become me, who was a foreigner, to 
interfere with parties ; but J was ready, with the 
hazard of my life, tod efend his perfon and ftate 
againft all invaders *. 

* Gu'.ii er, without examining the fubjel of difpute, readily en- 
paced to defend hj Emperor agam't i vfj-.n, becaufe he knew, that 
no fuch monarch had a right to invade the dominions 01" another, 
though for the pro^agetion of truth, 





C H A P. V. 

7 he author , by an extraordinary flrataggm, prevents 
an invafion, A high title of honour, is conferred 
upon him, Ambajfadors arrive from the Emperor 
of BUfufcu, and fue for peace. The Emprefs's 

apartment on fre by an accident ; the author in- 
ftrumental in faving the rcji of the palace, 

n^HE empire of Blefufcu is an ifland, fituated to 
* the north-eaft fide of Lilliput, from whence it 
is parted only by a channel of eight hundred yards 
wide. I had not yet fecii it, and upon this notice of 
an intended invafion, I avoided appearing on that 
fide oi the coaft, for fear of being difecvered bv 
fome of the enemy's mips, who had received no in- 
telligence of me, all intercourfe between the tu o em- 
pires having been ftrie~tly forbidden during the war, 
upon pain of death, and an embargo laid by our 
Emperor upon all veiTels whatfoever. I communi- 
cated to his Majefty a project I had formed of feiz- 
ing the enemy's whole fleet ; which, as our fcouts 
allured us, lay at anchor in the harbour ready to 
fail with the firft fair wind. I consulted the moft 
experienced feamen upon the depth of the channel, 
which they had often plummed ; who told me, that 
in the middle, at high-water, it was feventy g/um- 
gluffs^ deep, which is about fix feet of European 
meafure ; and the reft of it fifty glz&nghrjfs at moft. 
I walked to the north-eaft coaft, over arainft Ble- 
fufcu ; where, lying down behind a hillock, I took 
out my fmall perfpecHve-glafs, and viewed the ene- 
my's fleet at anchor, confuting of about fifty men 
of war, and a great number of transports : I then 
came back to my houfe, and gave orders (for which 

I had 


1 had a warrant) for a great quantity of the ftrong- 
eft cable and bars of iron. The cable was about 
as thick as pack thread, and the bars of the length 
and fize of a knitting needle. I trebled the cable 
to make it ttronge-r, and for the fame reafon I twitt- 
ed three of the iron bars together, bending the 
extremeties into a book. Having thus fixed fifty 
hooks to as many cables, I went back- to the north- 
eaft coatt, and putting off my coat, fhoes, and 
blockings, walked into the fea in my leathern jer- 
kin, about half an hour before hbh-water. I 
waded with what hafte I could, and fwam in the 
middle about thirty yards, till I felt ground ; I ar- 
rived at the fleet in lefs than half an hour. The 
enemy was fo frighted, when they faw me, that 
they leaped out of their mips and fwam to more, 
where they could not be fewer than thirty thou- 
fand fouls ; I then took my tackling, and, fatten- 
ing a hook to the hole at the prow of each, I tied 
all the cords together at the end. While I was 
thus employed, the enemy difcharged feveral thou- 
fand arrows, many uf which fruck in my hands 
and face ; and, beiides the excefiive fmart, gave 
me much disturbance in my work. My greateft 
apprehenhon was for mine eyes, which I fhould 
have infallibly loft, if I had not fuddenly thought 
of an expedient. I kept, among other little necel- 
faries, a pair of fpectacles in a private pocket, 
which, as I obferved before, had efcaped the Em- 
peror's fearchers. Thefe I took out, and fattened 
as ftrongly as I could upon my nofe, and thus arm- 
ed, went on boldly with my work, in fpight of the 
enemy's arrows, many of which ftruck againft the 
giaffes of my fpectacles, but without any other ef- 
fect, farther than a little to difcompofe them. I 
had now fattened all the hooks, and taking the 
knot in my hand, began to pull ; but not a fhip 
would ttir, for they were all too faft held by 
their anchors, fo that the boldeft part of my enter* 



prife remained. I therefore let go the cord, and 
leaving the hooks flx.d to the mips, I refolutely 
cut with my knife the cables that faftened the an- 
chors, receiving above two hundred mots in my 
face and hands ; then I took up the knotted end 
or the cables, to which my hooks were tied, and 
with great cafe drew iiftv of the enemy's lar^eft 
men of war after me. 

The Blefufcudians, who had not the leaft imagi- 
nation of what I intended, were at firft confound- 
ed with aftonifliment. They had feen me cut the 
cables, and thought my defin was only to let the 
ihips run a-drift, or fall foul on each other : but 
when they perceived the whole fleet moving in or- 
der, and law me pulling at the end, they fei up 
fuch a fcream of grief and defpair, as it is almoil 
impoiTible to defcribe or conceive. When I had 
got out of danger, I ftopt a while to pick out the 
arrows that ftuck in my hands and face ; and rub- 
bed on fome of the fame ointment that was given 
me at my fir ft arrival, as I have formerly mention- 
ed. I then took oil* my fpectacles, and waiting a- 
bout an hour, till the tide was a little fallen, I wad- 
ed through the middle with my cargo, and arrived 
iafe at the royal port of Lilliput. 

The Emperor and his whole court ftocd on the 
more, expecting the ilTue of this great adventure. 
They faw the fhips move forward in a large half- 
moon, but could not difcern me, who was up to 
my breaft. When I advanced to the middle of the 
channel, they were yet more in pain, becaufe I was 
under water to my neck. The Emperor conclud- 
ed me to be drowned, and that the enemy's fleet 
was approaching in an hoftile manner : but he was 
foon eafed of his fears, for the channel growing 
lhallower every itep I made, I came in a fhort time 
within hearing, and holding up the end of the ca- 
ble, by which the fleet was faftened, I cried in a 
loiid voice, Lor.g live the moft pv.ijjant Emperor cf 

Lilliput ! 


LHtiput ! this great prince received me at my land- 
ing, with all poihble encomiums, and created me a 
Nardac upon the fpot, which is the higheft title of 
honour among them, 

PL's majefty defired, I would take fome other op- 
portunity of bringing all the reft of Ms-enemy's {hips 
into his ports. And ib unmeafurable is the ambition 
of princes, that he feemed to think of nothing lefs 
than reducing the whole empire of Blefufcu into a 
province, and governing it by a vice-roy ; of de* 
ftroying the Big-endian exiles, and compelling that 
people to break the fmaller end of their eggs, by 
which he would remain the fole monarch of the 
whole world. But I endeavoured to divert him 
from this defign, by many arguments drawn from 
the topics of policy as well as jufKce : and I plain- 
ly protefted, that I would never be an inftrument 
of bringing a free and brave people into flavery. 
And, when the matter was debated in council, 
the wifeft part of the mini dry were of my opi- 

This open bold declaration of mine was fo op- 
polite to the fc hemes and politics of his imperial 
inajefty, that- he could never forgive me ; he men- 
tioned it in a very artful manner at council, where 
I was told that fome of the wifeft appeared, at leaft 
by their filence, to be of my opinion ; but others, 
who were my fecret enemies, could not forbear 
fome exprefhons, which by a fide-wind reflected on 
me. And from this time began an intrigue be- 
tween his majefty and a junto of minifters malici- 
oufly bent againft me, winch broke out in lefs than 
two months, and had like to have ended in my 
utter deftruction. Of ib little weight are the 
greateft fer vices to princes, when- put into the 
balance with a refufal to gratify their paffions. 

About three weeks after this exploit, there arriv- 
ed a folemn embafiy from Blefufcu, with humble 
offers of a peace ; which was fooa concluded up- 


on conditions very advantageous to our Emperor, 
wherewith I ihall not trouble the reader. There 
were fix ambaiTadors, with a train of about five 
hundred perfons ; and their entry was very -magni- 
ficent, i uitable to the grandeur of their mailer, and 
the importance of their buiinefs. When their 
treaty was fmiihed, wherein i did them feveral 
Ood office? by the credit I now had, or at leaft ap- 
peared to have at court, their excellencies, who 
were privately told how much I had been their 
friend, made me a vifit in form. Thev began with 
many compliments upon my valour and generofity, 
invited me to that kingdom in the Emperor their 
mafter's name, and dciired me to fhew them fome 
proofs of my prodigious ftrength, of which they 
had heard io many wonders ; wherein ,1 readily 
obliged them, but ihall not trouble the reader with 
the particulars. 

When I had for fome time entertained their ex- 
cellencies to their infinite fatisfaction and furprife, 
I delired they would do me the honour to prefent 
my moft humble refpects to the Emperor their maf- 
ter, the renown of whofe virtues had fo juftly fill- 
f d the whole world with admiration, and whofe 
royal perion I refolvcd to attend before 1 returned 
to my own country : accordingly, the next time I 
had the honour to fee our Emperor, I dciired his 
general licence to wait on the Blefufcudian mo- 
narch, which he was pleafed to grant me, as I could 
plainly perceive, in a very cold manner ; but could 
not guefs the reafon, till 1 had a whifper from a cer- 
tain perfon, that Flimnap and Holgolam had repre- 
feiued my intercourfe with thofe ambaiTadors as a 
mark of difafFection, from which 1 am fure my 
heart was wholly free. And this was the -firft time 
I began to conceive fome imperfect idea of courts 
and minifters. 

It is to be obferved, that thefe ambaiTadors fpoke 
to me by an interpreter, the languages of both em- 


pires differing as much from each other as any two 
in Europe, and each nation priding itfelf upon the 
antiquity, beauty, and energy of their own tongues, 
with an avowed contempt for that of their neigh- 
bour ; yet our Emperor, {landing upon the advan- 
tage he had got by the feizure of their fleet, oblig- 
ed them to deliver their credentials, and make their 
fpeech in the Lilliputian tongue. And it mull be 
confefTed, that from the great intercourfe of trade 
and commerce between both realms, from the con- 
tinual reception of exiles, which is mutual among 
them, and from the cuflom in each empire, to fend 
their young nobility and richer gentry to the other, 
in order to polifh themfelves by feeing the world, 
and underftanding men and manners ; there are 
few perfons of diftinction, or merchants, or fea- 
men, who dwell in the maritime parts, but what 
can hold conversation in both tongues ; as I found 
fome weeks after, when I went to pay my refpecfs 
to the Emperor of Blefufcu, which in the midft of 
great misfortunes, through the malice of my ene- 
mies, proved a very happy adventure to me, as I 
iliall relate in its proper place. 

The reader may remember, that when I figned 
thofe articles upon which I recovered my liberty, 
there were fome which I difliked, upon account of 
their being too fervile, neither could any thing but 
an extreme neceilitv have forced me to fubmit. But 
bcino- now a Nardac of the hisheft rank in that em- 
pire, iuch offices were looked upon as below my dig- 
nity, and the Emperor (to do him juiiice) never once 
mentioned them to me. However, it was not long 
before I had an opportunity of doing his majefty, 
at as I then thought, a mofr fipnal fervice. I 
was alarmed at midhMit with the cries of many 
hundred people at my door; by which being ir.d-- 
dehly awaked, I was in ibrne kind of terror. I 
heard the word Burglum repeated mceflantly : fe- 
ver al of the femperbr's court, making their wav 




through the croud, intreated me to come immedi- 
ately to the p dace, where her imperial majefty's 
apartment was on fire, by the carelefnefs of a maid 
of honour, who fell afleep while the was reading a 
romance. I got up in an infiant ; and orders be- 
ing given to clear the way before me, and it being 
likcwife a moonihine night, I made a Ihift to get to 
th<" palace without trampling on any of the people, 
I found they had already a, plied ladders to the 
walls of the apartment, and were well provided 
with buckets, but the water was at fome diftance. 
Thefe buckets were about the fize of a larae thim- 
ble, and the poor peopL fupplied me with them as 
fait as they could : but the flame was fo violent, 
tint they did little good. I might ealily have ftiiled 
it with my coat, which I unfortunately lef behind 
me for hatte, and came away only in my leathern 
jerkin. The cafe feemed wholly defperate and de- 
plorable, and this magnificent palace would have 
infallibly been burnt down to the ground, if, by a 
prefence of mind unufual to me, i had not thou gl it 
of an expedient. I had, the evening before, drank 
plentifully of a moft delicious wine, called Glimi- 
grim, (the Blefufcudians call it Flonec, but ours is 
efteemed the better fort), which is very diuretic. 
By the luckieft chance in the world 1 had not dif- 
charged myielr of any part of it. The heat I had 
contracted by coming very near the flames, and by 
my labouring to quench them, made the wine be- 
givi to operate by urine ; which I voided in fu ch a 
quantity, and applied fo well to the proper places, 
that in three minutes the fire was wholly extimuiih- 
ed, and the reft of that noble pile, which had coft 
fo many ag:s in erecting, preserved from deftruc- 

It was now day-light, and I returned to mv 
home without waiting to congratulate with the 
Emperor : becat fe, although I had done a very e- 
minent .. fervice, yet I could not tell how his 

Vol H h Majefty 


JMajefty might refent the manner, by which I had 
performed it: for, by the fundamental laws of the 
realm, it is capital in any perfon, of what quality 
ioever, to make water within the precincts of the 
palace. But I was a little comforted by a meilage 
from his Majefty, that he would give orders to the 
grand justiciary for pairing my pardon in form-; 
which however I could not obtain And I was 
privately allured, that the Empr^fs, conceiving the 
greater! abhorrence of what I had done, removed 
to the mo ft diftant ride of the court, flrmlv refolv- 
ed that thofe buildings mould never be repaired for 
her ufe; and, in the prefence of her chief confi- 
dents, could not forbear vowing revenge. 

C H A P. VI. 

Of the inhalitants of Li Hi put ; their learning, laws, 
and cifoms ; the manner of educating their children. 
The author 's way of living in that country. His 
vindication of a great lady. 

A LTHOTJGH I intend to leave the defcription 
-* ^- of this empire to a particular treatife, yet in 
the mean time I am content to gratify the curious 
reader with fome general ideas. As the common 
fize of the natives is fome what under fix inches 
high, fo there is an exact proportion in all other a- 
nimals, as well as plants and trees : for inftance, 
the tailed horfes and oxen are between four and 
five inches in height, the flieep an inch and half, 
more or lefs ; the geefe about the bignefs of a fpar- 
rowj and fo the feveral gradations downwards, till 
you come to the fmalicft, which to my fight were 
almoft invifible ; but nature hath adapted the eyes 
C)f the Lilliputians to all objects proper for their 

view : 


view : they fee with great exaclnefs, bin at no great 
diftance. And, to fhew the fharpnefs of" their light 
towards objects that are near, I have been much 
pleafed with ohferving a cook pulling a lark, which 
was not fo large as a common fly ; and a young 
girl threading an inviiible needle with krvifible filk. 
Their talleit trees are about ieven feet high : I mean 
fome of thofe in the great royal park, the tops 
whereof I could but jult reach with my fill clench- 
ed. The other vegetables are in the fame pro- 
portion ; but this I leave to the reader's imagina- 

I fhall fay but little at prefent of their learning, 
which for many ages hath flourifhed in all its 
branches among them : but their manner of writ- 
ing is very peculiar, being neither from the left to 
the right, like the Europeans ; nor from the right 
to the left, like the Arabians ; nor from up to 
down, like the Chinefe ; but aflant from one 
corner of the paper to the other, like ladies in 

They bury their dead with their heads directly 
downwards, becaufe they hold an opinion, that i.i 
eleven thoufand moons they are all to rife again, 
in which period- the earth (which they conceive to 
be flat) will turn upflde down, and by this means 
they fhall, at their refurrection, be found ready 
ftanding on their feet *. The learned among them 
confefs the abfurdity of this doctrine, but the 

* H re the author da~es even to exert rrs vein of humour fa liter- 
ally, i<t to place the refurrer.icn, one or" the molt encouraging princi- 
ples of the Christian religion, in a ridiculous and contemptible light. 
Why fhcu d that appoin'ment be denied to man or appear fo vt y ex- 
t aordinary in the human kind, whi h xhc Author of nature has il 
Luftrated in the vege able fptci.s, where the feed dies and coirup s, 
before i can rife ogin to new beauty and glorv ? Qrr.ry, 

Hli z practice 


practice ftill continues in compliance to the vul- 
gar f. 

There are Tome laws and cuftoms in this empire 
very peculiar ; and if they were not fo directly con- 
trary to thofe of my own dear country, I mould 
be tempted to fay a little in their juftiflcation. It is 
only to he wifhed they were as well executed. The 
firft I {hall mention, relates to informers. All 
crimes againfl the ftate are punifhed here with the 
ut mo ft feverity ; but if the peribn accufed maketh 
his innocence plainly to appear upon his trial, the 
accufer is immediately put to an ignominious death; 
and out of his goods or lands, the innocent perfon 
is quadruply recompenfed for the lofs of his time, 
for the danger he underwent, for the hardfhip of 
his imprifonment, and for all the charges he hath 
been in at making his defence. Or if that fund be 
deficient, it is largely fupplied by the crown. The 
Emperor alio confers on him fome public mark of 
his favour, and proclamation is made of his inno- 
cence through the whole city. 

They look upon fraud as a greater crime than 
theft, and therefore feldom fail to punifh it with 

f This paragraph, if it were examined with judgement and can- 
dour, wou'd incline us to believe, that an opinion ot a li e to come is 
connected !o immediately vvirh ail our reafoning faculties, that, fup- 
pofing we had never been blefTed with any revelation from God, v.e 
fhould believe the refurreclion to life eternal. The Lillipu.ians be- 
ll, vc, th?t, af er eleven thoufand moons, the earth will be turnrd 
u, fide i'own j and upon that account thev are buried with the'r heads 
directly d wnward , in order to be found upon their feet at 
the day of redirection : An opini n, which I confefc, with the 
learned among themfefae.*, to be whimfica! and ridicu'ous enough. 
But follies and ahfur lities are always mixed with idolatry and fu- 
perflition. The Lilliputians were rank, idolaters; otherwife how 
could thty imagine Gulliver's watch to be the pod that he worshipped ? 
And therefore I cannot but infer, that inftead of placing the refur- 
jeclion in a ridiculous contemptible l'ght. G> Uiver hath fairly mani- 
fested the opinion of a Mate hereafter (although connected with fome 
vanities and abfurdities, which are the effects of fuperftition) 10 be 
the groundwork of all religion, founded upon the clear and firong 
dicta'es, both of nature and reafon. Swift. 

death ; . 


death; for they alledge, that care and vigilance, 
with a very common understanding, may preierve 
a man's goods from thieves, but honefty has no 
fence againft fuperior cunning ; and flnce it is ne- 
ceflary that there fhould be a perpetual intercourfe 
of buying and felling, and dealing upon credit ; 
where fraud is permitted and connived at, or hath 
no law to punifh it, the honeff dealer is always un- 
done, and the knave gets the advantage. I remem- 
ber, when I was was once interceding with the king 
for a criminal, who had wronged h ; s m after of a 
great fum of money, which he had received by or- 
der, and ran away with ; and happening to tell his 
Majesty, by way of extenuation, that it was only 
a breach of trust; the Emperor thought it mon- 
ftrous in me to otter as a defence, the greateft ag- 
gravation of the crime : and truly I had little to 
lay in return, further than the common anfwer, 
that different nations had different cuftoms ; for, 
I confefs, I heartily afhamed *. 

Although we ufually call reward and puniihrnerft' 
the two hinges, upon which all government turn?, 
yet I could never obferve this maxim to be put in 
practice by any nation, except that of Lilliput. 
Whoever can there bring fufficient or oof, that hfe 
hath strictly obferved the laws of his country for 
feventy-three moons, hath a claim to certain privi- 
leges, according to his quality and condition of 
life, with a proportionable fum of money out of a 
fund appropriated for that ufe : he likewife acquires 
the title of jniilpalt, or legal, which is added to T his 
name, but doth not defcend to his posterity; And 
thefe people thought it a prodigious defefi of poli- 
cy among us, when I told them, that our laws were 
enforced only by penalties, without any mention of 
reward. It is upon this account, that the im tge of 
justice in their courts of judicature is formed with 

* An ?tt of psrliameM bdTh been f.nce paiTed, ly vibith -fome 
kreaclits uf txuft buve been made capi'al. 

H h 3 fia 


iix eyes, two before, as many behind, and on each 
iide one, to iignify circumfpec'tion ; with a bag o 
gold open in her right hand, and a fword fheathed 
in her left, to mew flie is more difpofed to reward 
than to punifh. 

In choofing perfons for all employments, they 
have more regard to good morals than to great a- 
bilities ; for, fince government is neceflary to man- 
kind, they believe that the common iize of human 
underftandings is fitted to fome ftation or other, 
and that providence never intended to make the ma- 
nagement of public affairs a myftery, to be compre- 
hended only by a few perfons of fublime genius, of 
which there feldom are three born in an age ; but 
they fuppofe truth, juftice, temperance, and the 
like, to be in every man's power, the practice of 
of which virtues, afiifted by experience and a good 
intention, would qualify any man for the fervice 
his country, except where a courfe of fiiudy is re- 
quired. But they thought the want of moral vir- 
tues were fo far from being fupplied by fuperior en- 
dowments of the mind, that employments could 
never be put into fuch dangerous hands as thofe of 
perfons fo qualified ; and at leaft, that the miitakes 
committed by ignorance in a virtuous difpofition, 
wouM never be of fnch fatal confequence to the 
public weal, as the practices of a man whofe incli- 
nations led him to be corrupt, and who had great 
abilities to manage, to multiply, and defend his 

In like manner, the difbelief of a divine provi- 
dence renders a man uncapable of holding any pu- 
blic ftation ; for, fince kings avow themfelves to be 
the deputies of providence, the Lilliputians think no- 
thing can be more abfurd, than for a prince to em- 
ploy fuch men as difown the author ty under which 
he a&eth. 

In relating thefe and the following laws would 
only be understood to mean the original inititu- 



tions, and not the moil fcandalous corruptions, in- 
to which thefe people are fallen, by the degenerate 
nature of man. For as to that infamous practice 
of acquiring great employments by dancing on the 
ropes, or badges of favour and diltinction by leap- 
ing over flicks, and creeping under them, the read- 
er is to obferve, that they were iirft introduced by 
the grandfather of the Emperor, now reigning, and 
grew to the prefent height by the gradual mcreafe 
of party and faction. 

Ingratitude is among them a capital crime, as we 
read it to have been in fome other countries; for 
they reafon thus, that whoever makes ill returns to 
his benefactor, muft needs be a common enemy ro 
the reft of mankind, from whom he hath received 
no obligat on, and therefore fuch a man is net lit 
to live. 

Their notions relating to the duties of parents and 
children, differ extremely from ours. For, fince 
the conjunction of male and female is founded up- 
on the great law of nature, in order to propagate 
and continue the fpecics, the Lilliputians will needs 
have it, that men and women are joined together 
like other animals, by the motives of concupifcence ; 
and that their tendernels towards their young, pro- 
ceeds f ro i the like natural principle: for which 
reafon they will never allow, that a child is under 
any obligation to his father for begetting him, or to 
his mother for bringing him into the world, which, 
considering the naileries of human life, was neither 
a benefit in itfelf, nor intended lb by his parents, 
whofe thoughts in their love-encounters were other- 
wife employed. Upon thefe, and the like reafonings^ 
their opinion is, tha.i parents are the laft of all o- 
thers to be trufted with the education of their own 
children : and therefore they have in every town 
public nurferies, where all parents, except cotta- 
gers and labour rs, are obliged to fend their ink mts 
of both fexes to be reared and educated when they 



come to the age of twenty moons, at which time 
they are fuppofed to havefome rudiments of docili- 
ty. Thefe fchools are of feveral kinds, fuited to 
different qualities, and to both fexes. They have 
certain profeifors well fkilled in preparing children 
for fuch a condition of life as befits the rank of 
their parents, and their own capacities as well as 
inclinations. I fnaii hrft fay fomething of-the male 
nurferies, and then of the female. 

The nurferies for males of noble or eminent 
birth, are provided with grave and learned profef- 
fors, ao-d their feveral deputies. The clothes and 
food of the children are plain and Ample. They 
are bred up in the principles of honour, juilice, 
courage, modefty, clemency, religion and love of 
their country ; they are always employed in fome 
bunnefs, except in the times of eating and fleeping,. 
which are very fhort, and two hours for diverfions, 
confining of bodily exercifes. They are d relied by 
men till four years of age, and then are obliged to 
d els themfelves, although their quality be ever (o 
great ; and the women attendants; who are aged 
proportionably to ours at fifty, perform only the moft 
menial offices. They are never fuffered to converle 
with fervan'ts, brut go together in fmaller or great- 
er numbers to take their diveriions, and always in 
the prefence of a profeflbr, or one of his deputies ; 
whereby they avoid tfaofe early bad imprefiions of 
folly and vice, to which our children are fubjecr. 
Their parents are fuiFered 'o fee them only twice a- 
year ; the vifit is to lath but an hour; they are al- 
lowed to kifs the child at meeting and parting : but 
a profeflbr, who always itands bv on thofe occa- 
fions, will not fufter them to whlfper, or ufe any 
fondling expr. ilions, or bring any prefents of toys, 
fweetineats, and the like. 

The penfion from each family for the education 
and entertainment of a child, upon failure of due 
payment, is levied by the Emperor's officers. 



The nurferies for children of ordinary gentle- 
men, merchants, traders, and handicrafts, are ma- 
naged proportionally after the fame manner ; only 
thofe deiigneel for trades are put out apprentices at 
eleven years old, whereas thole of perions of qua- 
lity continue their exeicifes till rifteeen, which an- 
fwers to twenty-one with us : but the confinement 
is gradually leffened for the lad: three years. 

In the female nurferies, the young girls of quali- 
ty are educated much like the males, only they are 
drefTed by orderly fervants of their own fex ; but 
always in the prefence of a profeiibr or deputy, till 
they come to drefs themfelves, which is at five years 
old. And if it be found, that theie nurfes ever 
prefume to entertain the girls with frightful or fool- 
ifh ftories, or the common follies pradtifed by 
chamber-maids among us, they are publicly whipped 
thrice about the city, imprifoned for a year, and 
baniihed for life to the rnoif. defolate part of the 
country. Thus the young ladies there are as much 
afhamed of being cowards and fools, as the men, 
and defpife all perfonal ornaments beyond decency 
and cleanlinefs : neither did I perceive any differ- 
ence in their education, made by their difference of 
fex, only that the exercifes of the females were not 
altogether fo robuft ; and that fome rules were gi- 
ven them relating to domeitic life, and a fmailer 
compafs of learning was enjoined them : for their 
maxim is, that among people of quality, a wife 
mould be always a reafonable and agreeable com- 
panion, becaufe flie cannot always be young When 
the girls are twelve years old, which among them is 
the marriageable age, their parents or guardians take 
them home with great expreffions of gratitude to 
the profeffors, and feldom without tears of the 
young lady and her companions. 

In the nurferies of females of the meaner fort, the 
children are inftructed in all kinds of works prober 
for their lex, and their feveral degrees ; thofe in- 


tended for apprentices are difmiffed at feven years 
old, the reft are kept to eleven. 

The meaner famines, who have children at thefe 
nurferies, are obliged, befides their annual pen- 
fion, which is as low as poflible, to return to the 
fteward of the nurfery, a fmall monthly (hare of 
their gettings, to be a portion for the child ; and 
therefore all parents are limited in their expencesby 
the law. For the Lilliputians think nothing can 
be more unjuft, than for people, in fubfervience 
to their own appetites, to bring children into the 
world, and leave the burden of fupporting them 
on the public. As to perfons of quality, they give 
fecurity to appropriate a certain fum for each child, 
fuitable to their condition ; and thefe funds are al- 
ways managed with good hufbandry, and the molt 
exact juftice. 

The cottagers and labourers keep their children 
at home, their buiinefs being only to till and culti- 
vate the earth, and therefore their education is of 
little to the public; but the old and 
difeafed among them are fupported by hofpitals : 
for brgrG[insf is a trade unknown in this empire. 

And here it may perhaps divert the curious read- 
er to give fo ne account of my domeftics, and my 
manner of living in this country, during the resi- 
dence of nine months and thirteen days. Having 
a head mechanically turned, and being likewife 
forced by neceffity, I had made for myielf a table 
and chair, convenient enough, out of the largeft 
trees in the royal park. Two hundred fempftreffes 
were employed to make me fliirts, and linen for 
my bed and table, all of the ilrongeft and coarfeft 
kinds they could get ; which however they were 
force 1 to quilt together in fcveral folds, for the 
thickeftwas fome degrees finer than lawn. Their 
linen is ufually three inches wide, and three feet 
make a piece. The fempftrefles took my meafure 
as I lay on the ground, one ihinding at my neck 



and another at my mid-leg, with a fhong cord ex- 
tended, that each held by the end, while a third 
meafured the length of the cord with a rule of an 
inch long. Then they meafured my thumb, and 
deiircd no more ; for by a mathematical compu- 
tation, that twice round the thumb is once round 
the wrift, and fo on to the neck and waft and by 
the help of my old fhirt, which I difplayed on the 
ground before them for a pattern, they fitted me 
exactly. Three hundred taylors were employed in 
the fame manner to make my clothes ; but they 
had another contrivance for taking my meafure. 
I kneeled down, and they laifed a ladder from the 
ground to my neck ; upon this ladder one of them 
mounted, and let fall a plum-line from my collar to 
the floor, which juft anfwered the length of my 
coat ; but my waift and arms I meafured myfelf. 
When my clothes were finifhed, which was done 
in my houfe (forthelargeftof theirs would nothave 
been able to hold them) they looked like the patch- 
work made by the England, only that mine 
were all of a colour. 

I had three hundred cooks to drefs my victuals 
in little convenient huts built about my houfe, where 
they and their families lived and prepared me two 
dimes apiece. I took up twenty waiters in my hand, 
and placed them on the table ; an hundred more 
attended below on the ground, fome with dimes of 
meat, and fome with barrels of wine, and other li- 
quors, flung on their fhouldei s ; all which the 
waiters above drew up, as I wanted, in a very in- 
genious manner by certain cords, as we draw the 
bucket up a well,- in Europe. A dim of their meat 
was a good mouthful, and a barrel of their liquor a 
reafonable draught. Their mutton yields to ours, 
but their beef "is excellent. I have had a flrloin fo 
large, that I have been forced to make three bits of 
it; but this is rare. My fervants wereaftonifhed to 
fee me eat it, bones and all, as in our country we 



do the leg of a lark. Their geefe and turkies I n- 
fually eat at a mouthful, and I muft confefs, they 
far exceed ours. Of their fmaller fowl I could take 
up twenty or thirty at the end of my knife. 

One day his Imperial Majefcy, being informed 
of my way of living, defired that himfelf and his 
royal confort, with the young princes of the blood 
of both fexes. might have the happinefs (as he was 
pleafed to call it) of dimng with me. They came 
accordingly, and I placed them in chairs of fhite up- 
on my table, juitover againfc me, with their guards 
about them. Flimnap, the lord high treafurer, at- 
tended there likewife with his white itaff; and I ob- 
ferved he often looked on me with a lour countenance, 
which I would not feem to regard, but eat more 
than ufual, in honour to my dear country, as well 
as to fill the court with admiration. I have fome 
private reafons to believe, that this vifit from his 
Majeity gave Flimnap an opportunity of doing me 
ill offices to his mafter. That minifter had always 
been my fecret enemy, though he outwardly carefT- 
ed more than was ufual to the morofenefs of his 
nature. He reprefented to the Emperor the low con- 
dition of his ti eafury ; that he was forced to take up 
money at great difcount ; that exchequer bills would 
not circulate under nine fer cent . below par ; that 
I had coft his Majefly above a million and a half of 
fprugs (their greater! gold coin, about the bignefs 
of a fpangle) and upon the whole, that it would 
be advifeable in the Emperor to take the firft fair 
occafion of difmiffing me. 

. I am here obliged to vindicate the reputation of 
an excellent lady, who was an innocent fufferer up- 
on my account. The treafurer took a fancy to be 
jealous of his wife, from the malice of fome evil 
tongues, who informed him that her grace had ta- 
ken a violent affection for my perform ; and the 
court-fcandal ran for fome time, that the once came 
privately to my lodging. This I folemnly declare 



to be a moft infamous falfehood, without any 
grounds, further than that her grace was pleafed to 
treat me with all innocent marks of freedom and 
friendihip. I own me came often to my houfe, but 
always publicly, nor ever without three more in 
the coach, who were ufually her lifter and young 
daughter, and fome particular acquaintance ; but 
this was common to many other ladies of the court. 
And I appeal to my fervants round, whether they 
at any time faw a coach at my door, without know- 
ing what perfons were in it. On thefe occalions, 
when a fervant had given me notice, my cuftom was 
to go immediately to the door*, and, after paying 
my rcfpects, to take up the coach and two b Giles 
very carefully in my hands (for, if there were nx 
horfes, the poftilion always unharnefTed four) <nd 
placed them on a table, where I had fixed a men e- 
fcble rim, quite round, of five inches high, to pre- 
vent accidents. And I had often four coaches and 
horfes at on my table, full of company, while I fat 
in my chair, leaning my face towards them ; and, 
when I was engaged with one fet, the coachmen 
would gently drive the others round my table. I 
have paiTed many an afternoon very agreeably in 
thefe converiations. But I defy the treafurer, or his 
two informers, (I will name them, and let them make 
their beft of it) Ciuftril and Drunlo, to prove that 
any perfon ever came to me incognito, except the 
Secretary Reidrefal, who was fent by exprefs com- 
mandof his imperial Majefty, as Ihave before related. 
I mould not have dwelt lb long upon this particu- 
lar, if it it had not been a point wherein the repu- 
tation of a great lady is lb nearly concerned, to fay 
nothing of my own, though I then had the honour 
to be a Nardac, which the trc.iiu:er himfclf is not ; 
for all the world knows, that he is oniv a Glum- 
glum, a title inferior by one degree, as that of a 
Marquis is to a Duke in England ; yet I allow he pre- 
ceded me in right of his port. Thefe falfe informa- 
Vol. IV. I i tions, 


tions, which I afterwards came to the knowledge 
of by an accident not proper to mention, made the 
trealurer mew his lady for fome time an ill counte- 
nance, and me a worie ; and although he was at laft 
undeceived and reconciled to her, yet I loft all cre- 
dit with him, and found my intereft decline very 
fad: with the Emperor himfelf, who was .indeed too 
much governed by that favourite. 


Th author, being informed of a defign to accufe him 
of high-treafon-i tnaketh his efcape to Biefufciu His 
reception there. 

EFOP^E I proceed to give an account of my 
leaving this kingdom, it may be proper to 
inform the reader of a private intrigue, which had 
been for two months forming again ft me, 

I had been hitherto all my life a ftranger to courts, 
for which I was unqualified by the meannefs of 
mvcondition. I had indeed heard and read enough 
of the difpolitions of great princes and minifters ; 
but never expected to have found fuch terrible ef- 
fects of them in fo remote a country, governed, as 
I thought, by very different maxims from thofe ia 

When I was juft preparing to pay my attendance 
on the Emperor of Blefufcu, a confiderable perfon 
at court (to whom I had been very ferviceable at a 
time, when he lay under the higheft difpleafure of 
his imperial Majefty) came to my houfe very pri- 
vately at night in a clofe chair, and, without fend- 
ing his name, deiired admittance : the chairmen 
were difmuTed : I put the chair, with his lordfkip 
in it, into my coat-pocket ; and, giving orders to a 



trufty fervant to fay I was indifpofed and gone to 
deep, I fattened die door of my hemic, placed the 
chair on the table, according to my ufual cu&om, 
and fat down by it. After the common falutations 
were over, obicrving his Lordihip's countenance; 
full of concern, and inquiring into the jeafon, he 
deiired I would hear him with patience in a matter, 
that highly concerned my honour and my life. Ilia 
fpeech was to the following effect, for I took notes 
of it as foon as he left me. 

You are to know, faid he, that feveral committees 
of council have been lately called in the mo ft private 
manner on your account ; and it is but two davs 
ilnce hisMajefty came to a full reiblution. 

You are very fenlible, that Skyriih Bolgolam 
(galbet, or high-admiral) hath been your mortal e- 
nemy almoft ever iince your arrival : his original 
reafons 1 know not ; but his hatred is increafed 
fince your great fuccefs againft Blefufcu, by which 
his glory, as admiral, is much obfeured. This lord, 
in conjunction with Flimnap, the high-treafurer, 
whofe enmity againft you is notorious on account 
cf his lady. Limtoc the general, Lalcon the cham- 
berlain, and BalmufF the grand judiciary, have pre- 
pared articles of impeachment againft you for trea- 
son, and other capital crimes. 

This preface made me fo impatient, being con- 
fcious of my own merits and innocence, that I was 
going to interrupt ; when he intreated me to be fi- 
lent, and thus proceeded. 

Out of gratitude for the favours you have done me, 
I procured information of the whole proceedings, 
and a copy of the articles ; wherein I venture my 
head for your fervice. 

Ii 2 JirtictPi 


Articles of impeachment againjl Quinbus Flejlrin^ the 



Whereas, by a ftatute made in the reign of his 
imperial Majefty Calen Deffar Plune, it is enacted, 
that whoever fhall make water within the precinc"ls 
of the royal palace, fhall be liable to the pains and 
penalties of high-treafon : notwithftanding the faid 
Quinbas Fleftrin, in open breach of the find law, 
under colour of extinguiihing the fire kindled in 
the apartment of his Majefty's moft dear imperial 
confort, did malicioufly, traiteroufly, and devilifh- 
ly, by difcliarge of his urine, put out the faid fire 
kindled in the faid appartment, lying and being 
within the precincts of the faid royal palace, againft 
the ftatute in that cafe provided, <&c. againft the 
duty, <bc. 


That the faid Quinbus Fleftrin having brought 
the imperial fleet of Blefufcu into the royal port, 
and being afterwards commanded by his imperial 
Majefty to feize all the other mips of the faid em- 
pire of Blefufcu, and reduce that empire to a pro- 
vince to be governed by a viceroy from hence, and 
to deftroy and put to death, not only all the Big- 
endian exiks, but likewife all the people of that em- 
pire, who would not immediately forfake the Big- 
endian herefy ; he, the faid Fleftrin, like a falfe trai- 
tor againft his moft aufpicious, ferene, imperial 
Majefty, did petition to be excufed from the faid 
fervice, upon pretence of unwillingnefs to force the 
confeiences, or deftroy the liberties and lives of an 
innocent people *. 

A R- 

* A l.v.wcr thinks himfelf heneft if he docs the heft he can for 




That, whereas certain ambafladors arrived from - 
the court of Blefufcu to fue for peace in his Majefty's 
court, he, the faid Fleftrin, did, like a falfe trai- 
tor, aid, abet, comfort, and divert the faid am- 
bafladors, although he knew them to be fervants to 
a prince, who was lately an open enemy to his im- 
perial Majefty, and in open war againft his faid Ma- 


That the faid Quinbus Fleftrin, contrary to tKe 
duty of a faithful iubjecl, is now preparing to make 
a voyage to the court and empire of Blefufcu, for 
which he hath received only verbal licence from hh 
imperial Majerly ; and under colour of the faid li- 
cence, doth falfely and traiterouflv intend to take 
the faid voyage, - and thereby to aid, comfort, and 
abet, the Emperor of Blefufcu, folate an enemy* 
and in open war with his imperial Majefty aforeiaij, 

There are fome other articles, but th'efs are the 
moft important, of which I have read you an ab- 

In the feveral debates upon this impeachment it 
mult be conferled, that his Majefty gave many marks 
of his great lenity, often urging the fervices you 
had done him, and endeavouring to extenuate your 
crimes. The treafurer and admiral inilfted, that 
you mould be put to the moft painful and ignomi- 
nious peath, by fetting fire on your hcufe at night, 
and the general was to attend with twenty thoufand ' 

his client', and a flatefman, if he promotes rhe intereft cf h : s cciu- 
try : but the Dean here inculcates an higher notion, of )i c ht and 
tvrong, and obligations to a larger community, 

I i 3 men- 


men armed with poifoned arrows, to moot you on 
the face and hands. Some of your fervants were 
to have private orders to ftrew a poifonous juice on 
your ihirts and meets, which would foon make you 
tear your own flefh, and die in the utmoft torture. 
The general came into the fame opinion ; fo that 
for a long time there was a majority againft you : 
but his Majefty refolving, if pomble, to fpare your 
life, at laft brought oh the chamberlain. 

Upon this incident, Reldrefal, principal fecretary 
for private affairs, who always approved himfelf 
"your true friend, was commanded by the Emperor 
to deliver his opinion, which he accordingly did; 
and therein juAitied the good thoughts you have of 
him. He allowed ycur crimes to be great, but that 
"ftill there was room for mercv, the molt commend- 
able virtue in a prince, and for which his Majefty 
was fo juftly celebrated. He faid, the friendship 
between you and him was fo well known to the 
world, that perhaps the moft honourable board 
might think him partial t however, in obedience to 
the command he had received, he would freely 
offer his fentiments. That if his Majefty, in con- 
iideration of your fervices, and purfuant to his 
own merciful difpofttion, would pleafe to fpare 
your life, and only give orders to put out both your 
eyes, he humbly conceived, that by this expedient 
jufiice might in fome meafure be fatisfied, and all 
the world would applaud the lenity of the Empe- 
ror, as well as the fair and generous proceedings of 
thofe who have the honour to be his counfellors. 
That the lofs of your eyes would be no impedi- 
ment to your bodily ftrength, by which you might 
ftill be ufeful to his Majeify : that blindnefs is an 
addition to courage, by concealing dangers from 
us ; that the fear you had for your eyes was the 
greateft difficulty you had in bringing over the ene- 
mies fleet ; and it would be fufficient for you to fee 



by the eyes of the minifters, fince the greateft 
princes do no more. 

This proposal was received with the utmoft dif- 
approbarion by the whole board. Bolgolam the 
admiral could not preferve his temper ; but riling 
up in fury faid, he wondered how the fecretary 
durft prefume to give his opinion for preferving 
the life of a traitor : that the fervices you had per- 
formed were, by all true reafons of irate, the great 
aggravation of your crimes ; that you, who was 
able to extinguish the fire by dil charge of urine in 
her Majeify's apartment, (which lie mentioned with 
horror), might, at another time, raife an inunda- 
tion by the fame means to drown the whole palace; 
and the fame Strength which enabled you to bring 
over the enemies fleet, might ferve, upon the firil 
difcontent, to carry it back : that he had good rea- 
fons to think you were a Big-eftdian in your heart ; 
and as treafon begins in the heart, before it appears 
in overt- acts, fo he accufed you as a traitor on that 
account, and therefore infilled you Should be put 
to death. 

The treafurer was of the fame opinion : he shew- 
ed to what Straits his Majefty's revenue was redu- 
ced, by the charge of maintaining you, which 
would loon grow infupportable : that the fecretary's 
expedient of putting out your eyes was fo far from 
being a remedy againft this evil, that it would pro- 
bably increafe it, as is manifeft from the common 
practice of blinding fome kind of fowl, after which 
they fed the falter, and grew fooner fat : that his 
facred Majefty and the council, who are your judges, 
were in their own confciences fully convinced of 
your guilt, which was a Sufficient argument to con- 
demn you to death, without the formal proofs re- 
quired by the Strict letter of the law *. 


* There 13 fomething fo odious in whatever is wrong, that even 
thofe whom it does not fubjeft to punifhment, endeavour to colour it 



But his imperial Majefty, fully determined againfi: 
capital punilhment, was gracioufly pleafed to fay, 
that fince the council thought the lois of your eyes 
too eafy a cenfure, fome other may be inflicted' 
hereafter. And your friend, the fecretary, hum- 
bly defiring to be heard again, in anfwrer to what 
the treafurer had objected concerning the great 
charge his Majefty was at in maintaining you, laid, 
that his Excellency, who had the fole difpofal of 
the Emperor's revenue, might eafily provide againfi: 
that evil, by gradually lefTening your eftablifhment ; . 
by which, for want of fufficient food, you would 
grow weak and faint, and lofe your appetite, and 
confume in a few months ; neither would the ftench 
of your carcafe be then fo dangerous, when it 
Ihould become more than half diminifhed ; and 
immediately upon your death, five or fix thoufand 
of his Majefty 's fubjects might in two or three days 
cut your flefh from your bones, take it away by 
cart-loads, and bury it in diftant parts to prevent 
infection, leaving the ikeleton as a monument of 
admiration to pofterity. 

Thus, by the great friendfhipof the. fecretary, the 
whole affair was compromifed. It was ftrictly en- 
joined, that the project of ftarving you by degrees 
ihould be kept a fecret, but the fentence of putting 
out your eyes was entered on the books ; none dii- 
fenting except Bolgolam the admiral, who, being 
a creature of the Emprefs, was perpetually infti- 
gated by her Majefty to infift upon your death, me 
having borne perpetual malice againft you on ac- 
count of that infamous and illegal method you took 
to extinguifh the fire in her apartment. 

with an appearance of right ; but the at'empt is always unfuccef^ful, 
anJ only b-'trays a confcioufncfs of deformity, by mewing a difire to 
hde it. Thus the Lilliputian court pretended a right to dtfpenfe 
with the f rict letter of the law to put Gulliver to death, though by 
the Ariel letter of the law only he could be convict d of a crime; 
the intention of the ftatute not being to fuft'er the palace rather to be 
'burnt, than piilcd upon. 



In three days, your friend the Secretary will be 
directed to come to your houfe, and read before 
you the articles of impeachment ; and then to Sig- 
nify the great lenity and favour of his Majefty and 
council, whereby you are only condemned to the 
lofs of your eyes, which his Majefty doth not que- 
ftion you will gratefully and humbly fubmit to ; 
and twenty of his Majefty's iurgeons will attend, in 
Order to fee the operation well performed, by dis- 
charging very (harp-pointed arrows into the balls of 
your eyes, as you lie on the ground. 

I leave to your prudence what meafures you will 
take ; and, to avoid iuipicion, I muft immediately 
return, in as private a manner as I came. 

His Lordfhip did lb, and I remained alone under 
many doubts and perplexities of mind. 

It was a cuftom, introduced by this prince and 
his miniftry, (very different, as i have been 
aflured, from the practices of former times), 
that after the court had decreed any cruel execu- 
tion, either to gratify the monarch's refentment, or 
the malice of a favourite, the Emperor always made 
a fpeech to his whole council, exprefling his great 
lenity and tendernefs, as qualities known and con- 
felled by all the world. This fpeech was immedi- 
ately publifhed through the kingdom ; nor did any 
thing terrify the people fo much as thole encomi- 
ums on his Majefty's mercy ; becaufe it was obferv- 
ed, that, the more thefe praifes were enlarged and 
infifred on, the more inhuman was the puniihment, 
and the fufferer more innocent. Yet, as to myfelf, 
I muft confefs, having never been defigned for a 
courtier, either by my birth or education, I was fo 
ill a judge of things, that I could not difcover the 
lenity and favour of this fentence, but conceived 
it (perhaps erroneously) rather to be rigorous than 
gentle. 1 fometimes thought of ftanding my trial; 
for although I could not deny the facts alledged in 
the feveral articles, yet I hoped they would admit 



of fome extenuation. But having in my life per- 
ufed many ftate-trkta, wkich I ever obferved to 
terminat. s the judges thought fit to direct, I durft 
not rely on io dangerous a deciiion, in fo critical 
a juncture, and r ; sinft fuch powerful enemies* 
Once I was ftrong.Iy bent upon reiiftance, for,.wh e 
I had liberty, the whole ftrength of that empire 
could hardly fubdue me, and I might ealily with, 
ftones pelt the metropolis to pieces ; but I foon re- 
jectee! that project with horror, by remembering 
the oath I had made to the Emperor, the favours 
I received from him, and the high title of Nardac 
he conferred upon me Neither had I fo foon 
learned the gratitude of courtiers, to perfuade my- 
felf, that his Maj city's pre! ent feverities acquitted 
me of all paft obligations. 

At laft I fixed upon a refolution, for which it is 
probable I may incur {cms cenfure, and not unjuft- 
ly : ror, I confels, I owe the preferving mine eyes, 
and confequently my liberty, to my own great rafh- 
nefs, and want of experience ; becaufe, if I had 
then known the nature of princes and minifters, 
which I have fince obferved in many other courts, 
and their methods of treating^ criminals, lefs ob- 
noxious than myfelf, I mould with great alacrity 
and readinefs have fubmitted to fo eafy a punifh- 
ment. But, hurried on by the precipitancy of 
youth, and having his Imperial Majefty's licence 
to pay my attendance upon the Emperor of Ble- 
fufcu, I took this opportunity, before the three 
days were elapfed, to fend a letter to my friend the 
fecretary, fignifying my refolution of fetting out 
that morning for Blefulcu, purfuant to the leave I 
had got ; and, without waiting for an anfwer, I 
Avent to that fide of the ifland where our fleet lay. 
I feized a large man of war, tied a cable to the 
prow, and, lifting up the anchors, I ftript myfelf, 
put my cloaths (together with my coverlet, which I 
carried under my arm) into the vefTel, and drawing- 


it after me, between wading and fwimming arrived 
at the royal port of Blefufcu, where .the people had 
long expected me ; they lent n*e two guides to di- 
rect me to the capital city, which is of the fame 
name. I held them in my hands, till I came with- 
in two hundred yards of the gate, and defired 
them to fignify my arrival to one of the fecretaries, 
and let him know I there waited his Majelty's com- 
mand. I had an anfwer in about an hour, that 
his Majefty, attended by the royal family and great 
officers of the court, was coming out to receive 
me. I advanced a hundred yards. The Emperor 
and his train alighted from their horfes, the Em- 
preis and ladies from their coaches, and I did not 
perceive they were in any fright or concern. I lay 
on the ground to kifs his Majefty 's and the Em- 
prefs's hand. I told his Majefty that I was come, 
according to my promiie, and with the licence of 
the Emperor my matter, to have the honour of 
feeing fo mighty a monarch, and to offer him any 
fervice in my power, confiftant with my duty to 
my own prince ; not mentioning a word of my dif- 
grace, becaufe I had hitherto no regular informa- 
tion of it, and might fuppofe myfelf wholly igno- 
rant of any fuch defign ; neither could I reafona- 
bly conceive, that the Emperor would diicover the 
fecret, while I was out of his power ; wherein how- 
ever it foon appeared I was deceived. 

I fhall not trouble the reader with the particular 
account of my reception at this court, which was 
f uitable to the generofity of fo great a prince ; nor 
of the difficulties I was in for want of a houfe and 
bed, being forced to lie on the ground, wrapt up 
in my coverlet. x 


384 GULLlVM's TRAVELS. Part I. 

$ $ # $ $ $ $* # *$ $ 4* $ 4* 4* # 4 s * 4 $ $ 4* 4* 


7#<? author, by a lucky accident , finds means to leave 
Blefvfcu ; and^ after fome difficulties , returns fafe 
to his native cmntry. 

THREE days after my arrival, walking out of 
curiollty to the north-eaft coaft of the ifland, 
I obferved about half a league off, in the fea, fome- 
what that looked like a boat overturned. I pulled 
off my ihoes and {lockings, and, wading two or 
three hundred yards, I found the object to approach 
nearer by force of the tide ; and then plainly faw 
it to be a real boat, which I fuppofed might, by 
fome tempeft, have been driven from a fhip : where- 
upon I returned immediately towards the city, and 
deflred his Imperial Majeity to lend me twenty of 
the tallefl veffels he had left, after the lois of his 
fleet, and three thoufand feamen, under the com- 
mand of his vice-admiral. This ileet failed round, 
while I went back the fhorteft way to the coait, 
where I firft difcovered the boat ; I found the tide 
had driven it ftill nearer. The feamen were all 
provided with cordage, which I had beforehand 
twifted to a fufficient ftrength. When the mips 
came up, I ftript myfelf, and waded till I came 
within an hundred yards of the boat, after which 
I was forced to fwim till I got up to it. The fea- 
men threw me the end of the cord, which I fatten- 
ed to a hole in the fore-part of the boat, and the 
other end to a man of war : but I found all my la- 
bour to little purpofe ; for, being out of my depth, 
I was not able to work. In this neceffitv, I was for- 
ced to fwim behind, and puih the boat forwards as 
ften as I could, with one of my hands ; and, the 



tide favouring me, I advanced fo far, that I could 
juft hold up my chin and feel the ground. I reli- 
ed two or three minues, and then gave the boat 
another move, and fo on, till the lea was no higher 
than my arm-pits ; and now, the moft laborious 
part being over, I took out my other cables, which 
were ftowed in one of the fliips, and fattened them 
firft to the boat, and then to nine of the veffels 
which attended me ; the wind being favourable, 
the feamen towed, and I ihoved, till we arrived 
within forty yards of the more, and, waiting till 
the tide was out, I got dry to the boat, and, by the 
amTtance of two thouiand men, with ropes and 
engines, I made a ihift to turn it on its bottom, 
and found it was but little damaged. 

I mall not trouble the reader with the difficulties 
I was under by the help of certain paddles, which 
coft me ten days making, to get my boat to the 
royal port of Blefufcu, where a mighty concourfe 
of people appeared upon my arrival, full of wonder 
at the fight of fo prodigious a vefTel. I told the 
Emperor, that my good fortune had thrown this 
boat in my way, to carry me to fome place, from 
whence I might return into my native country, and 
begged his Majefty's orders for getting materials to 
fit it up, together with his licence to depart, which, 
after fome kind expoftulations, he was plealed to 


I did very much wonder, in all this time, not to 
have heard of any exprefs relating to me from ouv 
Emperor to the court of Blefufcu. But I was af- 
terwards given privately to underfrand, that his 
Imperial Majefty, never imagining I had the leaft 
notice of his deiigns, believed I was only gone to 
Blefufcu in performance of my promife, accord- 
ing to the licence he had given me, which was well 
known at our court, and would return in a few 
days, when the ceremony was ended. But he was 
at laft in pain at my long abience 5 and after con- 
Vox.. IV, K k fulting 


fulting with the treafurer and the reft of that cabal, 
a perfon of quality was difpatched with a copy of 
the articles againil: me. This envoy had inftruc- 
tions to reprefent to the monarch of Blefufcu, the 
great lenity of his mailer, who was content to pu- 
nifh me no farther than with the lofs of mine eyes; 
that I had fled from juftice, and, if I did not return 
in two hours, I mould be deprived of my title of 
Nardac, and declared a traitor. The envoy fur- 
ther added, that, in order to maintain the peace 
and amity between both empires, his mafter ex- 
pected, that his brother of Blefufcu would give 
orders to have me fent back to Lilliput, bound hand 
and foot, .to be puniflied as a traitor. 

The Emperor of Blefufcu, having taken three 
days to coniult, returned an anfwer, confifting of 
many civilities and excufes. He faid, that, as for 
fending me bound, his brother knew it was impof- 
iible ; that although I had deprived him of his fleet, 
yet he owed great obligations to me for many good 
offices I had done him in making the peace. That 
however both their Majeities would foon be made 
eafy : for I had found a prodigious veflel on the 
ill ore, able to carry me on the fea, which he had 
given orders to fit up with my own ahtftance and 
direction ; and he hoped in a few weeks both em- 
pires would be freed from fo infupportable an in- 

With this anfwer the envoy returned to Lilliput, 
and the monarch of Blefufcu related to me all that 
pafled-i offering me at the fame time (but under 
the flricteft confidence) his gracious protection, if 
I would continue in his fervice ; wherein, although 
I believed him fincere, yet I refolved never more 
to put any confidence in princes or minifters, 
where I could poiilbly avoid it ; and therefore, with 
all due acknowlegments for his favourable inten- 
tions, I humbly begged to be excufed. I told him, 
that fince fortune, whether good or evil, had 



thrown a vefTel in my way, I was refolved to ven- 
ture mvlelf in the ocean, rather than be an occaiion 
of difference between two fuch mighty monarchs. 
Neither did I find the Emperer at all difpleafed ; 
and I difcovered by a certain accident, that he was 
very glad of my resolution, and io were moft of his 

Thefe considerations moved me to halren my de= 
parture fomewhat fooner than I intended ; to 
which the court, impatient to have me gone, very 
readily contributed < Five hundred workmen were 
employed to make two fails to my boat, according- 
to my directions, by quilting thnteen fold of their 
firongelt linen together. I was at the pains of- 
makmg ropes and cables by twilling ten, twenty, 
or thirty of the thicken: and ltrongeft of theirs. A 
great itone that I- happened to find, after a long 
i'earch, ferved me for an anchor. I had the tal- 
low of three hundred cows for greafing my boat, and- 
other ules. I was at incredible pains in cutting 
down forne of the largeft timber-trees for oars and- 
maiis, wherein I was however much aiiifted by his 
Majefty's ihip-carpenters, who helped me in 
fmoothing them after Ihaddone the rough work. 

In about a month, when ail was prepared, I 
fent to receive his Majefty's commands, and to 
take my leave. The Emperor and royal family 
came out of the palace ; Hay down on my face to 
kifs his hand, which he very gracioufly. gave me ; 
fo did the Emprefs, and young princes of the 
blood. His Majefty prefented me with 50 purfes of 
two hundredy/rz^j a-piece, together with his pic- 
ture at full length, which I put immediately into 
one of my gloves to keep it from being hurt. The 
ceremonies at my departure were too many to 
trouble the reader with at this time. 

I flored the boat with the carcafes of an hundred 
oxen, and three hundred fheep, with bread and 
drink proportionable, and as much meat ready 

Kk z drefledy^ 


drefTed, as four hundred cooks could provide. I 
took with me fix cows and two bulls alive, with as 
many ews and rams, intending to carry them into 
my own country, and propagate the breed. And 
to feed them on board, I had a good bundle of 
hay, and a bag of corn. I would gladly have taken 
a dozen of the natives, but this was a thing the Em- 
peror would by no means permit ; and, befides 
a diligent fearch into my pockets, his Majefly en- 
gaged my honour not to carry away any of his fub- 
je<Sts, although with their own confent and de- 

Having thus prepared all things as well as I was 
able, I fet fail on the 24th day of September 1701, 
at fix in the morning ; and when I had gone about 
four leagues to the northward, the wind being at 
fouth-eaft, at fix in the evening I defcried a mi all 
ifland about half a mile to the north-weft. I ad- 
vanced forward, and caft anchor on the lee-fide of 
the ifland, which feemed to be uninhabited, I then 
took fome refreshment, and went to mv reft. I 
ilept well, and as I conjecture, at leaft fix hours, 
for I found the day broke in two hours after I a- 
waked. It was a clear night. I eat my breakfaffc 
before the fun was up ; and heaving anchor, the 
wind being favourable, I fleered the fame courfe 
that I had done the day before, wherein I was di- 
rected by my pocket-compafs. My intention was 
to reach, if pofHbie, one of thofe iiland which I 
had reafon to believe lay to the nonh-eaft of Van 
Dicmen's land. I difcovered nothing ail that day ; 
but upon the next, about three in the afternoon, 
when I had, by my computation, made twenty-four 
leagues from Blefufcu, I defcried a fail fleering to 
the fouth-eaft ; my com fe was due caft. I hailed 
her, but could get no anfwer ; yet I found I gain- 
ed upon her, for the wind flacked. I made all the 
fail I could, and in- half an hour lhe fpied me, then 
himgout her anticnt, and difcharged a gun. It is 



not eafy to exprefs the joy I was in upon the unex- 
pected hope of once more feeing my beloved coun- 
try, and the dear pledges I left in it. The fhip 
flackened her fails, and I came up with her between 
five and fix in the evening, Septembr26; but my 
heart leapt within me to fee her Engliih colours. 
I pat my cows and iheep into my coat pockets, and 
got on board with all my little cargo of provifions. 
The vefTel was an Englifh merchant-man returning 
from Japan, by the North and South-feas ; the 
captain Mr John Biddel of Deptford, a very civil 
man, and an excellent failor. We were now in the 
latitude of 30 degrees fouth, there were about fifty 
men in the (hip ; and here I met an old comrade 
of mine, one Peter Williams, who gave me a good 
character to the captain. This gentleman treated 
me with kindnefs, and de fired i would let him 
know what place I came from Lift, and whither I 
was bound ; which I did in few words, but he 
thought I was raving, and that the dangers I had 
underwent had diiturbed my head; whereupon I 
took my black cattle and Iheep out of my pocket, 
which, after great aftonifhment, clearly convinced 
him of my veracity. I then mewed him the gold gi- 
ven me by the Emperor of Blefufcu, together with 
his Majefty's piclure at full length, and fome other 
rarities of that country. I gave him two purfts of 
two hundred fp; ztgs each, and promifed, when we 
arrived in England, to make him a prefent of a 
cow and a fheep big with young. 

I mail not trouble the reader with a particular 
account of this voyage, which was very profperous 
for the moft part. We arrived in the Downs on 
the 13th of April 1702. I had only one misfor- 
tune, that the rats on board carried away one of 
my fheep ; I found her bones in a hole, picked 
clean from the flefli. The reft of my cattle I got 
fafe afhore, and fet them a grazing in a bowling- 
green at Greenwich, where the finenefs of the grafs 



made them feed very heartily, though I had al- 
ways feared the contrary : neither could I pofiibly 
have preferved them in fo long a voyage, if the 
captain had not allowed me fome of his bell bif- 
cuit,. which, rubbed to powder, aud mingled with 
water, was their conftant food. The fhort time I 
continued in England, I made a coniiderable pro- 
fit by fhewing my cattle to many perfons of quality, 
and others ; and before I began my fecond voyage, 
I fold them for fix hundred pounds. Since my lali 
return I find the breed is confiderably increafed, 
efpecially the fheep, which I hope will prove much 
to the advantage of the woollen manufacture, by 
the flnenefs of the fleeces. 

I flayed but two months with my wife and fami- 
ly : for my infatiable defire of feeing foreign 
countries would fuller me to continue no longer. 
I left fifteen hundred, pounds with my wife, and 
fixed her in a good houfe at Redriff, My re- 
maining ftockl carried with me, part in money and 
part in goods, in hopes to in prove my fortune,. 
My eldeft uncle John had left me an eflate in land,- 
near Epping, of about thirty pounds a-year: and I 
had a long leafe of the- Black-bull in Fetter-lane, 
which yielded me as much more : fo that I was not 
in any danger of leaving my family upon the pariflu 
M y fon Johnny, named fo after his uncle, was at 
the grammar-fchool, and a towardly child. My 
daughter Betty, (who is now well married, and has 
children) was then at her needle-work. I took 
leave of my wife and boy and girl, with tears on 
both fides, and went on board the Adventure, a 
merchant-fhip of 300 tons, bound for Surat, Cap- 
tain John Nicholas of Liverpool commander. But 
my account of this voyage muft be referred to the. 
fecond part of my travels. 

END of Vol, IV. 

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