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WORKS OF THOMAS NASHE 

VOLUME m 



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The works of THOMAS NASH^) 

EDITED FROM THE ORIGINAL TEXTS 
By RONALD B. MCKERROW Text: Vol. Ill 



A. H. BULLEN, 47 GREAT RUSSELL STREET 
LONDON. MCMV 



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OXFORD : HORACE HART 
FRIMTBR TO THB UNIYKRSITY 



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'•'^ 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

Have with yov to Saffron-walden i 

Title-page from British Museum, 96. b. 16. (5). 

Nashes Lenten Stvffe 141 

Title-page from British Museum, 1029. e. 21. 

SvMMSRS Last Will and Testament 227 

Title-page from British Museum, C. 34. d. 50. 

SHORTER PIECES 

Latin Verses on Ecclesiasticus 41. i .... 298 
FacsimHe from State Papers, Dom. Add. Eliz., xxix. 

Preface to R. Greene's 'Menaphon' 300 

Preface to Sidney's 'Astrophbl and Stella' . . . 327 

DOUBTFUL WORKS 

An Almond for a Parrat 337 

Title-page from British Museum, C. 37. d. 45. 

A WONDBRFVLL STRANGE . . . PROGNOSTICATION . . '377 

Title-page from Bodleian, Malone, 729. 
vsrses from 'astrophel and stella ' .... 396 
The Choise of Valentines 397 



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HAVE WITH YOV TO SAFFRON- 
WALDEN 

Entry in the Stationers' Register : None. 

Editions : (i) Early : 

1596. [Head ornament] Haue with you to Saf-|fron- 
walden. | OR, \ Gabriell Harueys Hunt is vp. | Containing 
a full Anfwere to the eldefi fonne \ of the Halter-maker. \ 
OR, I Naflie his Confutation of the finfull | Doctor. \ The Mott 
or Pofie, in ftead of Omne tidit punctum: \ Pacts fiducia 
nunquanu \ As much tofc^, as I fayd I would fpeake with | 
him. I [ornament] J Printed at London by lohn Danter. \ 
IS96. 

No coIophoxL Quarto. Not paged. 

CoUaHon: A-X*. (A i) Title, v, blank. A2 *To the most 
Orthodoxall and reuerent Corrector of staring haires . . .* Rotiu and 
Ital. R-T. The Efiistle Dedicaiorie, (Except on B 3^, where Jt is 
A Grace put vp in behalf e of the Harueys^ (C 4) * To all Christian 
Readers . . .' Ital, and Rom. R-T. To the Reader. (D 4) * Haue 
with you to Safifron-walden.* Ronu and Ital. R-T. Haue with 
you to Saffiron-walden. (X 4) wanting, probably blank. 

The Dedication is m a larger type than the text of the book. 

Signatures are generally in Roman, but those of B I, 3, D i, 3, 
H I, 3, 3, I 3, L I, 2, O 3, Q 3, R I, 3, 3, S I, V 3, X3 are in Italic 
Fourth leaves not signed. 

Catchrwords: A 3. of B i. pro-(tection) C I. them, £ i. is 
G I. (l]gh-)tnmg, 1 1. in L i. (vo-yunCd N I. with P i. grow 
Vii.had T I laid X i ChuU 

Copy used: That m the British Museum (96. b. 16. (5.)). In this copy 
a few of the side-notes have been cut into in binding : for these the 
other copy in the same library (G. 10453) has been referred to. 

in B 



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2 HAVE WITH YOV TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 

There are occasional differences of reading between these two copies, 
evidently owing to correction at press. In such cases the readmg 
which appears to be correct is given in the text, that of the other copy 
being recorded in a foot-note. For this purpose copy 96. b. 16. (5.) is 
referred to as a and copy G. 10453 as b. When such a correction was 
made, the spelling of other words in the same line was frequently 
altered in order to save trouble in justification. No notice has been 
taken of these subsidiary variations. 

It may be mentioned that almost all the hyphens in the quarto, owing 
evidently to their being lower than the rest of the type, have printed 
very indistinctly, and it is frequently impossible to determine, even by 
comparing the two copies, whether one is present or not. Errors in 
this respect must therefore be expected, and will, I hope, be excused. 

(2) Modern Editions : 

1870 (Coll.) Have with you to Saffron- Walden . . . 
1596. (Miscellaneous Tracts. Temp. Eliz. and Jac. i.) 
Edited by J. P. Collier. 

1883-4 (Gro.) The Complete Works of Thomas Nashe 
. . . edited by A- B, Grosart. Vol. iii, pp. 1-^07. 
From a copy in the Huth Library. 

1904. (The present edition.) 

From the copies at the British Museum as specified above. Grosart^s 
variations from the quarto have been recorded only when it seemed 
that they might be intentional. Collier's text, which is, as usual, less 
correct, has only been used to compare with Grosart's when the latter 
departs from the reading of the original. Collier having m certain 
respects modernized the spelling, it has been found convenient to give 
readings which are common to his text and Grosart's in the spelling of 
the latter. 



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Hauc with you to Saf* 
fron-vvaldca 

OR, 
GabrieU Harueys Hunt is vp. 

CotftoKgr afi^ Uf^vPcrt to tbc dicfifitm 
cftbcj^ter-maker. 

OR, 

Naihe Ids G>nfiitadon of die^nfiill 
JDo^cr, 

Tbe Mott or Pofi^ inficadof OnmhW^^i^m: 

^iw«*/#>;,4» Ifeyd iwould/pcakevwh 
liiiD# 




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To the most Orthodoxall and reue-A3 

rent Corrector of staring haires^ the sincere & 
finigraphicall rarifier of prolixums rough barbarisme^ the 
thrice egregious and censoriaU animaduertiser of vagrant 

5 moustachios^ chief e scauinger of chins^ and prindpall 

* Head-man of the parish wherein he dwells^ speciaUn q^asi 
superuisor of all excrementall superfluities for Trinitie ^^^'^^^^ 
CoUedge in Cambridge, and {to conclude) a not able and\i^^ 
singular benefactor to all beards in generally Don Richardo 

10 Barbarossa de Caesario, The : Nashe wisheth the highest 
Toppe of his contentment and felicitie^ and the Short- 
ning of all his enemies. 

ytCute & amiable Dick, not Die mihi^ Musa^ virum^ 
L\ Musing Dick, that studied a whole yeare to know 

ig which was the male and female of red herrings : 

nor Die obsecro^ Dick of all Dickcs, that, in a Church where 
the Organs were defac'd, came and offred himselfe with his 
pipe and taber : nor old Dick of the Castle, that, vpon the 
newes | of the losse of Calis^ went and put a whole bird-spit a i* 

,0 in the pike of his buckler : nor Dick Swash, or Desperate 
Dick, that's such a terrible Cutter at a chyne of beefe, and 
deuoures more meate at Ordinaries in discoursing of his 
fraies and deep acting of his slashing and hewing, than 
would seme halfe a dozen Brewers Dray-men : nor Dick 

*^- of the Cow J that mad Demilance Northren Borderer, who 
plaid his prizes with the Lord Jockey so brauely: but 
paraphrasticall gallant Patron Dick, as good a fellow as euer 
was Heigh, fill the pot, hostesse : curteous Dicke, comicall 

6 *] In the Q three reference marks are used, one somewhat resemblin^'a 7, 
a second like a A, with the upper end curved to the right, and the third two 
inverted commas ("). l^ese are here replcued by the asterisk, dagger, and 
dmbte dagger respectively, 8 not able'] Coll., Gro, In the Q the words 

are apparently divided iy a very thin space. 



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6 THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE | 

Dicke, liuely Dicke, louely Dicke, learned Dicke, olde 
Dicke of Lichfield, lubeo te plurimum saluere^ which is by 
interpretation, I ioy to heare thou hast so profited in 
gibridge. 

I am sure thou wondrest not a little what I meane, to 5 
come vppon thee so straungelye with such a huge dicker 
of Dickes in a heape altogether : but that's but to shew 
the redundance of thy honorable Familie, and how affluent 
and copious thy name is in all places, though Erasmus in 
his Copia verborum neuer mentions it lo 

Without further circumstance, to make shorty (which, to 
A 3 speake troth, is onely proper to thy | Trade,) the short and 
long of it is this. There is a certaine kinde of Doctor of late 
very pittifully growen bald, and thereupon is to be shauen 
immediately, to trie if that will helpe him : now I know no 15 
such nimble fellow at his weapon in all England as thy 
selfe, who (as I heare) standst in election at this instant to 
bee chiefe Crcwner or clipper of crownes in Cambridge, and 
yet no defacer of the Queenes co)me neither : and it is pittie 
but thou shouldst haue it, for thou hast long seru'd as a ^^ 
Clarke in the crawne office, and concluded syllogismes in 
Barbara anie time this sixteene yeare, and yet neuer metst 
with anie requitall, except it were some ftwfrench crownes^ 
pild Friers crownes, drye shauen, not so mudi worth as one 
of these Scottish home crownes ; whidi (thy verie enemies ti 
must needes confesse) were but bare wages (yea, as bare as 
my nayle, I faith) for thy braue desert and dexteritie: & 
some such Thinne gratuitie or Haire-loome it may be the 
Doctor may present thee with, but how euer it falls^ hath his 
head or his hayre the falling sicknesse neuer so, without 3^ 
anie more delay, Of or on^ trimm'd hee must bee with a 
trice, and there is no remedie but thou must needes come 
and ioyne with me to giue him the terrible cut| 
A 3^ Wherefore (good Dick) on with thy apron, & arme thy 
* Barbers selfe to s$t htm downe at the first word : Stand tohim^ I say^ 35 
^Ael^^' and take him a button lower: feare not to shew him a *knacke 
gers. of thy occupation, and once in thy life let it be said that a 



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THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 7 

Doctor weares thy f cloth, or that thou hast causd him to t Tkiyr 
doo pennance, and weare Hcdrt^loth for his sinnes. Were j^^^" 
he as he hath been (I can assure thee) he would clothe and put about 
adome thee with manie gracious gallant complements, and ^iJ^^^ 

5 not a rotten tooth that hangs out at thy shop window, but <x^ ^rt" 
should cost him an indefinite Turkish armie of English ^^^' 
Hexameters. O, he hath been olde dogge at that drunken 
staggering kinde of verse, which is all vp hill and downe hill,^/ 
like the way betwixt Stamford zxABeechfeeld, and goes like 

*o a horse plunging through the myre in the deep of winter, 
now soust vp to the saddle, and straight aloft on his tiptoes^ 
Indeed, in old King Harrie sinceritie, a kinde of verse it is 
hee hath been enfeoft in from his minoritie, for, as I haue 
\kcL faithfully informed, hee first cryde in that verse in 

'5 tbe verie moment of his birth, and when he was but yet a 

fresh-man in Cambridge, he set vp ^ Siquisses & sent*.Siqm«,fl 
his accounts to his father in those ioulting Heroicks. ^,^-^^-^ 
Come, come, account of him as you list, by Poll and^^'. 
AedipoU I protest, your | noble Science of* decision and con- A 4 

•® traction is immortally beholding to him, for twice double ^ Fordiuu 
his Patrimonie hath he spent in carefull cherishing & pre- tracHwT 
seruing his pickerdeuant : and besides, a deuine vicarly 
brother of his, called Astrologicall Richardy some few yeares 
since (for the benefit of his countrey) most studiously com- 

*5 pyled a profound Abridgement vpon beards, & therein 
copiously dilated of the true discipline of peakes, & no 
lesse Ihitelessely determined betwixt the Swallowes taile 
cut & the round beard like a rubbing brush. It was my 
chaunce (O thrice blessed chaunce) to the great comfort 

30 of my Muse to peruse it, although it came but priuately in 
Print : and for a more ratefied pasport (in thy opinion) that 
I haue read it and digested it, this title it beareth, a 
t Defence of short haire agcdnst Synesius and Pier ins : or t Tker- 
rather, in more familiar English to expresse it, a Dash ouer-^^-^,^ ^ 

W the head against baldnes, verie necessary to be obserued oithat tuu, 
al the looser sort, or loose haird sort, of yong Gentlemen ^^^^of 
& CourtierS} and no lesse pleasant and profitable to he^^^^ 



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8 THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 

fuUre his remembred of the whole Common-wealth of the Barbars. 
^^tf^ The Posie theretoo amiexed, Prolixior est breuitaU sua, as 
much to say as Bume Bees and haue Bees, & hair the more 
it is cut the more it comes : lately deuised and set forth by 
A 4^ Richard Haruey, | the vnluckie Prophet of prodigies. If this 5 
may not settle thy beleefe, but yet thou requirest a further 
token to make vp euen money, in the Epistle Dedicatorie 
thereof to a great Man of this Land, whom he calls his 
verie right honourable good Lord, he recounteth his large 
bounties bestowed vppon him, and talkes of the secret 10 
fauours which hee did him in his Studie or Closet at Court 

Heare you, Dick, marke you here what a iewell this 
learning is : how long wil it be, ere thou studie thy selfe 
to the like preferment ? No reason I see, why thou, being 
a Barber, shouldst not bee as hair-braind as he. Onely 15 
for writing a booke of beards, in which he had no further 
experience but by looking on his £aither when he made hairs, 
hair lines I meane, and yet not such lines of life as a 
hangman hath in his hand, but haire lines to hang linnen 
on : for that smal demerit (I say) is he thutf aduanced and ao 
courted, & from Astrological Dick raised to bee fauorite 
Dick. And verie meete it is he should be so £aiuored and 
raisd by high Personages, for before he was as low a 
Parson or Vicar as a man could lightly set ey on. 

With teares be it spoken, too few such lowly Parsons & jg 
Preachers we haue, who, laying aside all worldly encum- 
B 1 brances, & plesant cduersing with | Saint Austen, lerome^ 
Chrisostome, wilbe content to read a Lecture, as he hath 
done, de lana caprina, (almost as slender a cast subiect as a 
Catts smelling haires,) or trauerse the subtile distinctions 30 
twixt short cut and long taile. 

Fie, this is not the fortieth dandiprat part of the 
affectionate Items hee hath bequeathed on your mysterie : 
with fiue thousand other doctrinal deuotions hath he 
adopted himselfe more than a by-founder of your trade, 35 
conioyning with his aforesaid Doctor Brother in eightie 
eight browne Bakers dozen of Almanackes. 



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THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 9 

In euerie of which famous Annals of the foure windes, 
vnfallible rules are prescribd for men to obserue the best 
time to breed loue-Iockes in, and so to * ringle a thorough ♦ Some 
hayre for rooting, that it shall neuer put foorth his snayles ^^Ji^ 
5 homes again : as also vnder what Planet a man maye with of a mans 
least danger picke his teeth, and how to catch the Sun in ^rMwUk 
such a phisicall Signe that one may sweate and be not ^, a gold rig 
hairc the worse. ^t^, will 

But these amplifications adioumed to another Retume, so harden 
10 all the deuoyre, Diamond Dick, which I am in this Epistle thJ there 
of thy daintie composition to expostulate is no more but ^^^ '•"^ 
this, that since vnder thy redoubted patronage and | pro- ^ '^ j^e 
tection my workes are to haue their royall "^Bestellein and^^^^'^^^ 
more than common safe-conduct into die world, and that 
15 for the Meridian of thy honour and magnificence they are \^^' 
chiefely eleuated & erected, thou wouldst brauely mount royaiUst 
thee on thy barbed steed, alias thy triumphant barbers ^|J^[^ 
Chaire^ and girding thy keene Palermo rasour to thy side, i^ »»«r 
in stead of a trenchant Turkish semitorie, and setting ^YforDulies 
ao sharpe pointed f launce in his rest, be with them at ahaires ^ great 
bredth that backbite and detract me. CT^ 

Phlebothomize them, sting them, tutch them, Dick, tutch instrJm^ 
them, play the valiant man at Armes, and let them bloud *^ f^ ^^^^ 
and spare not; the Lawe allowes thee to doo it, it will 
3S beare no action ; and thou, beeing a Barber Surgeon, art 
priuiledgd to dresse flesh in Lent, or anie thing. 

Admit this be not sufficient to coole the heat of their 
courage, serch them in another vaine, by discharging thy 
pocket dags against them, and let them smart for it to the 
^proofe. 

Steele thy painted May-pole, or more properly to tearme 
it, thy redoubted rigorous horsmans stafTe, (which at thy 
dore as a manifest signs thou hangst forth of thy martiall 
prowesse and hardiment,) on their insolent creasts that 
35 maligne and despise me, and forbeare not to bring forth all 
thy I brasse peeces against them. It is well knowen thou B a 
hast been a Commaunder and a Souldier euer since Tilbury 



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lo THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 

Campe, and earlie and late walkt ike round, and dealt verie 
short and round with all those that come vnder thy fingers ; 
strugled through the foamie deepe, and skirmisht on the 
dotmesi wherefore, if thou tak'st them not downe soundlie, 
with a hey downe and a derry, and doost not shuffle and 5 
cut with tihem lustilie, actum est de pudicitia, I aske of God 
thou maist light vpon none but bald-pates till thou diest. 
But I trow thou wilt carry a better pate with thee, and not 
suffer any of these indigent old faahiond iudgements to 
carry it away ; whose wits were right stuffe when those lo 
loue-letters in rime were in request, & whose capacities 
neuer mended their pace since Pace, the Duke of Norfolkes 
foole, died. As for the decaied Proctor of Saffron-walden 
himself, if he wander within the precincts of thy indignation, 
I make no question but of thy owne accord, without any 15 
motion of mine, thou wilt be as ready as any caichpoule, 
out of all scotch & notch to torment him, & deal as snip 
snap snappishly with him as euer he was delt withall since 
he first dated letters from his gallerie in Trinitie Hall ; not 
suffring a lowse that belongs to him to passe thy hands ao 
B av without 2ipowling penny : and yet, [ as I shrewdly presage, 
thou shalt not finde many powling pence about him neither, 
except he rob Peter to pay Powle^ empouerish his spiritual 
Vicar brother to hdpe to pay for his powling, and he, alas, 
(dolefull foure nobles Curate, nothing so good as the as 
Confessour of Tybume or Superintendent of Pancredge) 
hath nittifide himselfe with a dish, rotundi profundi, any 
time this fourteene yeare,to saue chaises of sheep-shearing ; 
&, not to make of a thing more than it is, hath scarce so 
much Ecclesiasticall lining in all, as will serue to buy him 30 
cruel! strings to his bookes, and haire buttons. 

Wherefore I passe not if, in tender charitie and com- 
miseration of his estate, I adde ten pound & a purse to his 
wages and stipend, canuaze him and his Angell brother 
Gabriell in ten sheetes of paper, and so leaue them to goc 35 
hang themselues ; or outright to hang, draw, and quarter 

a Qy. readcunef 



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THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE ii 

them al vnder one, I care not if I make it eighteen : on 
that condition in their last wil & testament they bequeath 
me eighteene wise words in the way of answere betwixt 
them. 
5 I daregiue my word for them, they will neuer doe it, no, 
not although it were inio)md to them in stead of their 
neck-verse : their whole stock of wit, when it was at the 
best, becing but ten Eng.|lish Hexameters and a Lenmy : B 3 
wherefore, generous Dick> (without hum drum be it spoken) 

>o I vtterly despaire of them ; or not so much despaire of 
them, as count them a paire of poore ideots, being not only 
but also two brothers^ two block-heads, two blunderkins, 
hauing their braines stuft with nought but balder-dash, but 
that they are the verie botts & the glanders to the gentle 

15 Readers, the dead Palsie and Apoplexie of the Presse, the 
Sarpego and the Sciatica of the 7. Liberall Sciences, the 
surfetting vomit of Ladie Vanitie, the swome bauds to one 
anothers vain-glorie ; &, to conclude, the most contemptible 
Mounsier Aiaxes of excrementall conceipts and stinkii^ 

ao kennd-rakt vp inuention that this or anie Age euer 
afforded. 

I pry thee, surmounting Danzel Dick^ whiles I am in this 
heate of Inuectiue, let me remember thee to do this one 
kindnes more for me, videlicet^ when thou hast frizled and 

as scrubd and tickled the haires sweetly, and that thou hast 
filcht thy selfe into an excellent honourable assembly of 
sharpe iudiciall fierie wits and fine spirites, bee it this winter 
at an Euening tearme, or where^uer, with all the thun- 
dring grace and magnanimous eloquence that thou hast, put 

30 vp this heroycall Grace in their behalfe, if thou bee not past 
gnu». I 

A Grace put vp in behalf e of the Harueys. B 3V 

C Vpplicat reuerentiis vestris, per Apostrophen, &c. 

x6 6r- ^^^ Serpigo or Serpegot 3a A ... Hartuys.'\ This takes the 

phee at the runmng title on this page in Q. 



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12 



THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 



y 



In English thus. 

ly/f Ost humblie sueth to your Reuerences^ the reprobate brace 
^^ ofBrothersofthe Harueys : to wit, witlesse Gabriell and 
ruffling Richard ; That whereas for anie time thisfoure and 
twentie yeare they haue plaid the fantasticall gub-shites and % 
goose-giblets in Print, and kept a hatefuU scribling and a 
pamphleting about earth-quakes, coniunctions, inundations, 
the fearfull blazing Star re, and the forsworne Flaxe-wife ; 
and tooke vpon them to be false Prophets, Weather-wizards, 
Fortune'tellers,Poets,Philosophers,Orators,Historiographers, to 
Mountebankes, Ballet-makers, and left no Arte vndefamed 
with their filthie dull-headed practise : it may please your 
Worships and Masterships, these infidell premisses con^ 
sidered, & that they haue so fully performed all their acts 
in absurditie, impudence, & foolerie, to grant them their 15 
absolute Graces to commence at Dawes crosse, and with your 
general subscriptions confirm them for the profoundest 
Arcandums, Acarnanians, and Dizards, that haue been dis- 
couered since the Deluge : & so let them passe throughout the 
Queenes Dominions. 



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2 This * Grace* is in smaller type than the rest 0/ the ^ EpistU Dedicatcrie,^ 
being the same as the text of the booh, iS Dizards^ Dizaids ColL, Gro. 



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THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 13 

Purposely that space I left, that as manie as I shall ^ 4 
perswade they are Pachecoes^ Poldauisses^ and DringUs 
may set their hands to their definitiue sentence, and with 
the Clearke helpe to crye Amen to their etemall vnhand- 

l somming. 

Plie them, plie them vncessantly, vnico Dick^ euen as 
a Water-man ph'es for his Fares, and insinuate and goe 
about the bush with them, like as thou art wont to insinu- 
ate and go about the grizlie bushie beard of some sauage 

10 Saracen Butcher, and neuer surcease flaunting and firking 
it in fustian, till vnder the Vniuersities vnited hand & seale 
they bee enacted as Obsobete a case of Cockescombes as 
cuer he was in Trinitie ColUdge that would not carrie 
his Tutors bow into the field, because it would not edifie ; or 

»5 his fellow qui qux codskead, that in the Latine Tragedie of 

K. Richard cride. Ad vrbs^ ad vrbs^ ad vrbs^ when his 

whole Part was no more but Vrbs^ vrbSy ad artna, ad artna. 

Shall I make a motion, which I would not haue thee 

thinke I induce to flatter thee neyther, thou being not 

soinmy walke, whereby I might come to wash myhandes 
with thee a mornings, or get a sprinklii^ or a brushing for 
a brybe : wilt thou commence and make | no more ado, since ^ 4"^ 
thou hast almost as much learning and farre more wit than 
the two Brothers, or eyther of those profound qui miAi 

H Discipulasses aboue mentioned ? 

Now verely, (I perswade mee,) if thou wouldst attempt it, 
not all the Gabriels betwixt tUs and Godmanchester, put 
tc^jether, wold make a more perpolite cathedral Doctor 
than thy selfe : for all languages at thy fingers ende thou 

30 hast as perfect as Spruce^ and nere a Dicke Haruey or 
cathedrall Doctor of them all can read a more smooth 
succinct Lipsian Lecture of short haire, than thou oucr thy 
Barbars Chaire, if thou bee so disposed, nor stand and 
encounter all commers so constantly. 

35 Dick, I exhort thee as a brother, be not a horse to foiget 
thy own worth: thou art in place where thou maist 
promote thy selfe; do not dose-prison and eclipse thy 



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14 THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 

vertues in the narrow ^asse lanthome of thy Barbers shop, 
but reflect them vp and downe the Realme, like to those 
prospectiue glasses which expresse not the similitudes they 
receiue neere hand, but cast them m the ayre a farre off, 
where they are more clerely represented. s 

Commence, commence, I admonish thee, thy merits are 
ripe for it, & there haue been Doctors of thy Facultie,^^ 
C I as Doctor Dodipowle for exam-|ple ; and here in Latubm 
yet extant viua voce to testifie, Doctor Nott and Doctor 
Powle^ none of which in notting and powUng go beyond lo 
thee. To vtter vnto thee my fancie as touching those 
Neoterick tongues thou professest, in whose pronunciation 
old Tooly and thou vane as much as Suphen Gardineer and 
Sir lohn Cheeke about the pronunciation of the Grebke 
tongfue; loe, for a testif}dng incouragement how much 15 
I wish thy encrease in those languages, I haue here tooke 
the paines to nit and louze ouer the Doctours Booke, and 
though manie cholericke Cookes about London in a mad 
rage haue dismembred it, and thrust it piping hot into the 
ouen vnder the bottomes of dowsets, and impiously prickt ao 
tiie tome idieetes of it, for basting paper, on the outsides of 
Geese and roasting Beefe, to keepe them from burning ; 
yet haue I naturally cherisht it and hugd it in my bosome, 
euen as a Carrier of Bosomes Inne dooth a Cheese vnder hid 
arme, and the purest Parmasen ma^et Phrases therein as 
coird and pickt out to present thee with. 

Read and peruse them ouef, as diligently as thou 
wouldst doo a charme against the tooth-ache: for this 
I can gospelly auouch, no sleight paynes hath the Doctour 
C IV tooke in collecting | tliem, consulting a whole quarter of 30 
a yeare with Textors Epithites (which he borrowd of 
a frend of mine in Poules Churchyard) onely to pounse 
diem out more poetically. 

Be not self-wild, but insist in my precepts, and I will 
tutour thee so Pythagoreanly how to husbaiid them in a$ 
al companies, that eura Williamson himselfe, thy fellow 
$6 IViUiamsml WiUingtm Q. Corr. in EtrtOa on X 3V. 



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THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 15 

Barber in Cambridge^ (who hath long borne the bell for 
finical! descanting on the Crates^ shalbe constrained to 
worship and offer to thee. 
Abruptly to breake into the bowels of this Index of bald 

5 inldKnuisme, what saist thou ? for all thou art reputed such 
an '^nigmaHcall linguist^ (vnder the Doctors terme pro- * Ara^ 
batorie license bee it spoken, being a terme with him as^^^ 
fieqoent as standing vpon termes among lawiers,) cas^towmdkmg' 
thou enter into the true nature of viUanie by conniuence} ^^ 

10 1 hold a groate thou canst not conster it A word it is that 
the Doctor lay a whole weeke and a day & a night 
entranced on his bed to bring fortii, and on the Munday 
euening late causd all the bels in the Parish where he then 
soioumd to be rong forth, for ioy that he was deliuerd 

IS of it. 

Repent, and be ashamed of thy rudenesse : O thou that 
hast made so manie men winke whyles thou cast suds 
in their eyes, and yet knowest not | what Conniuefice meanes. c a 
Plodding and dunstically, like a clowne of Cherry-hinUm^ 

ta. basely thou beseechest them to winke, whiles thou mak'st 
a Tennis-court of their feices by brick-walling thy day- 
balls crosse vp and downe their cheekes : whereas, if diou 
wert r%ht orthographizd in the Doctors elocution, thou 
wouldst say — in stead of, I pray. Sir, wink^ ; I must wa^ 

35 you — Sir, by yoxxx fauour I must require your ccnniuence. 

Againe, it is thy custome, being sent for to some tall 

old sinckanter or stigmaticall bearded Master of Arte 

that hath been chin^bound euer since Charles the ninths 

massacre in France^ to ru^ in bluntly with thy washing 

lobowle and thy nursecloutes vnder thy cloake, and after 
a few scraping ceremonies, to aske if his Worship bee 
at leasure to be recreated. 

A malo in peius^ that is the meanest salutation that 
ere I heard : vtterly thou bewrayest thy non-proficiencie in 

51 the Doctors Paracelsian rope*rethorique. What a pesti- 

5 thon for Q, ColL^ Gro. 34-5 tay in stead of I pray Sir winke I mast 

msh yon. Sir, by yoar fiuionr Q. 



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j6 the epistle dedicatorie 

lence, a yong braine and so poore and penurious in 
Conges 1 Rayse thy conceipt on the trees, or, rather than 
faile, new corke it at the heeles, before it should thus 
walke bare-foote vp and downe the streetes. 

Hence take thy Harueticall exordium^ if thou wouldst 5 
^ ^^ haue thy conceit the worlds fauourite at | first dash, Omni-- 
sciaus and omnisufficient Master Doctor ^ (for so hee calls 
Cornelius Agrippa) will it please you to bee cosmologizd and 
smirktt 

Suppose a Bishop come to the Vniuersitie, as the Bishop »® 
of Lincolne somtimes to visit Kings Colledge^ and the 
Bishop of Ely Saint lohns, (whiles there was euer a Bishop 
there,) a playne Bishop (like Martin) at euerie word thou 
wilt terme him, whereas if thou wert but one hower entred 
commons in Haruey de Oratore^ A great Pontife or Demy- ^5 
god in omnisufficiencie thou wouldst enstall him. 

But to appose thee more dallyingly and familiarly. 
It is giuen out amoi^st Schollers that thou hast a passing 
singular good wit: now to trie whither thou hast so or 
no, let me heare what change of phrases thou hast to ao 
describe a good wit in, or how, in Pedagogue Tragotanto 
Doctors english, thou canst florish vpon it. 

I feele thy pulses beat slowly alreadie, although thou 
beest fortie mile off from mee, and this impotent answere 
(with much adoo) droppes from thee, euen as sweate H 
from a leane man that drinks sacke ; namely, that thou 
thinkest there cannot much extraordinarie descant be 
made of it, except it be to say, such a one hath an admi- 
rable capacitie, an incomparable quick inuention, and a 
C 3 surmoun-|ting rich spirit aboue all men. Hah^ ha, a desti- 3^ 
tute poore fellow art thou, and hast mist mee nine score : 
goe, goe, get thee a caudle and keepe thy selfe warme 
in thy bed, for, out of question, thy spirit is in a consump- 
tion. 

A rich spirit, quoth a ? nay then, a spirit in the way 35 
of honestie too : loe, this it is to bee read in nothing but 
in Barnabe Riches workes. Spend but a quarter so much 



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THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 17 

time in mumping vppon Gabrielisme^ and He be bound, 
bodie and goods, thou wilt not anie longer sneakingly 
come forth with a rich spirit and an admirable capacitie, 
but an enthusiasHcaU spirit & a nimble entelecky. In the 

5 course of my Booke a whole catalogue thou shalt finde of 
all these Guiny phrases, to which, in zealous care of thy 
reformation, I referre thee. 

Dii boni^ boni quid porta t What a large Diocesse of 
Epistling haue I here progrest through ? The Summons 

10 to a generall Councell, with all the reasons moouing there- 
unto, or Tindalls Prologue before the New Testament, are 
but short Graces before meate, in comparison of this my 
immoderate Dedication. But the best is, if it be too long, 
thou hast a combe and a paire of scissers to curtail it ; or, 

15 if thou list not stand so long about it, with a Trinitie 
CoUedge rubber thou maist epitomize it extempore. | 

Marrie, if thou long to heare the reason why I haue so C a^' 
stretcht it on the tenter-hookes, forsooth it is a garment 
for the woodcocke Gabriel Haruey^ and fooles, ye know, 

30 alwaies for the most part (especiallie if they bee naturall 
fooles) are suted in long coates ; whereupon I set vp my 
rest to shape his garments of the same size, that I might 
be sure to sit on his skirts. 

Dick, no more at this time, but Nos-da din catawhy, 

35 and all the recompence I can make thee for being, like a 
Chancery Declaration, so tiring troublesome vnto thee, is 
this, if thou wilt haue the Doctour for an Anatomie, thou 
dialt; doo but speake the word, and I am the man will 
deliuer him to thee to be scotcht and carbonadoed : but in 

30 ante case speake quickly, for heere he lies at the last gaspe 
of surrendring all his credit and reputation. 

Tky Frend^ Tho : Nashe, 

if thou beestfoe^ Dick, to 

all the generation of 

35 the Harueys. | 

8 bomi bomi^ qmid Q. 33 dt] fit Gr^. 

m c 



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P 4 To all Christian Readers, to whom 

these Presents shall come. 

WEU said, my Maisters^ Iperayue there cannot a new 
BookecomefarthbutyouwiUhaueaJUngatit Say^ 
what are you reading f Nashe against Haruey. 5 
Foy thats a stale ieast^ hee hath been this two or three yeare 
about it. O good Brother Timothie, rule your reason^ the 
Miller gryndes more mens corne than one; and those that 
resolutely goe through with anie quarreUmust set all their 
worldly busines at a stay^ before they draw it to the poynt »o 
I will not gainsay but I haue cherisht a purpose of persecuting 
this Liff-lander Bogarian so long time as ye speak of and 
that^ like the long snouted Beast {whose backe is Castle 
proof e) carrying her yong in her wombe three yere ere she 
be deliuered, I haue been big with childe of a common place 's 
of reuenge, euer since the hanging of Lopus : but to say I 
plodded vpon it continually , and vsed in all this space nothing 
but gall to make inke with^ is a lye befitting a base swabber ly 
lowsie sailer^ who hauing been neuer but a month at sea in 
his life^ and duckt at the maine yards arme twice or thrice so 
C 4'for pilferie^ when hee comes \ home^ sweares hee hath been 
seuenteene yeares in the Turkes Gallies. 

Patientia vestra, there is not one pint of wine more than 
the iust Bill of costs and charges in setting forth, to be got 
by anie of these bitter-sauced Inuectiues. Some foolish n 
praise perhaps we may meete with, such as is affoorded to 
ordinarie Testers that make sport: but otherwise we are 
lite those fugitiue Priests in Spaine and Portugall, whom 
the Pope (verie liberally) prefers to Irish Bishoprickes, but 
cUlowes them not apennie of any lining to maintaine them y> 
zoithj saue onely certaine Friers to beg for them. 

a etc /i» Reman. CoU. 10 v99rWy\ CoU^ Gro. : wordly Q. 



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TO THE READEI^ 19 

High titles {as they of Bishops and Prelates)^ so of Poets 
and Writers^ we haue in the worlds when^ in stead of their 
begging Friers^ the fire of our wit is left^ as our onely last 
refuge to war me vs. 

h Haruey and I (a couple of beggars) take vpon vs to bandie 
factions^ and contend tike the Vrsini and Colon! in Roome ; 
or as the Turkes a$id Persians about Mahomet and Mortus 
Alii, which should bee the greatest: and (with the Indians) 
head our inuentions arrowes with Vipers teethy and steep 

xo them in the bloud of Adders and Serpents, and spend as 
much time in arguing pro & contra^ as a man might haue 
found out the quadrature of the Circle in: when all the 
controuersie is no more but this, he began with mee, and 
cannot tell how to make an end: and I would faine end or rid 

15 my hands of him, if he hadnot first begun. 

T protest I doo not write against him because I hate him, 
but that I would confirme and plainly shew, to a number of 
weake beleeuers in my sufficiencie, that I am able to answere 
him : and his f rends, and not his enemies, \ let him thanke D i 

^for this heauie load of disgrace I lay vpon him, since theyr 
extreame disabling of mee in this kinde, & vrging what a 
triumph he had ouer me, hath made me to ransacke my 
standish more than I would. 

This I will boldly say, looke how long it is since he writ 

H e^mnst me, so long haue Igiuen him a lease of his tife, & he 
hath onely held it by my mercie. 

His Booke or Magna Charta which against M. Lilly Sf 
me he addrest, I hauing kept idle by me in a by settle out of 
sight amongst old shooes and bootes almost this two yere, 

30 and in meere pitie of him would neuer looke vpon it but in 
some calme pleasing humor, for feare least in my melancholy 
too cruelly I should haue martyrd him. 

And yet, though vengeance comes not Zephiris & hirundine 
prima, in the first springing prime of his schisme and heresie, 

as let him not looke for one of Frier Tecelius Pardons, he that 
(as Sleidane reports) first stird vp L.uihcr, pronouncing from 

2J Qy. should b$rmH on t 
C % 



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20 TO THE READER 

/A^ Pope free salarie indulgence to ante man, though he had 
defiowred the Virgine Mary, and absolution as well for 
sinnes past as sinnes to come : for I meant to come vpon him 
with a tempest of thunder and lightning worse than the 
stormes in the West Indies cald the Furicanoes, and com- 5 
pUate arme more words for his confusion than Wezell in 
Germanic is able to arme men, that hath absolute furniture 
for three hundred thousand at all times. 

Gentlemen, what think ye of this sober mortified stile t 
I dare say a number of ye haue drawn it to a verdit alredie; lo 
and as an Elephants fore-legs are longer than his hinder y 
so you imagine my former confutation wilbe better than my 
latter. Nay then^ Aesopum non attriuistis,^'^?^ are as igno- 
D i^ rant in the true mouings of my Muse as \ the Astronomers 
are in the true mouings of Mars, which to this day they could 15 
neuer attaine too. For how euer in the first setting foorth 
I martchfaire and softly, like a man that rides vpon his 
owne horse, and like the Caspian sea seeme neither to ebbe 
nor flow y but keep a smooth plain forme in my eloquence ^ as 
one of the Lacedemonian Ephori, or Baldwin in his morrall ao 
sentences {which now are all snatcht vpfor Painters posies), 
yet you shall see me, in two or three leaues hence, crie Heigh 
for our towne greene, and powre hot boyling inke on this 
contemptible Heggledepegs barrain scalp, as men condemned 
for stealing by Richard de corde Lions law had hot boyling 15 
pitch powrd on their heads, and feathers strewd vppon, that 
wheresoeuer they came they might be knowne. 

I know I am too long in preparing an entrance into my 
Text, sed tandem denique to the matter and the purpose. 

The method I meane to vse in persecuting this Peter 30 
Maluenda and Sinibaldo Crasko is no more but this : 

Memorandum, I frame my whole Booke in the nature of 
a Dialogue, much like Bullen and his Doctor Tocnib, where- 
of the Interkcuters are these : 

Inprimis, Senior Importuno, the Opponent. ^ 

51 this. Q, Colh, Gro, 54 theu. Q. 35 Importooio Q, CoU^ Gra. 

Im eviry othtr out thi nami is given in Q at Importuno. 



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TO THE READER ai 

The second^ Grand Consiliadore, chief e Censor or Mode- 
rotor. 

The thirds Domino Bentiuolc, one that stands^ as it 
were, at the line in a Tennis-court, and takes euerie ball at 

5 the voUy. 

The fourth, Don Cameades de boone Compagniola, who, 
like a busie Countrey Justice, sits on the Bench, andpreacheth 
to theeues out of their own confessions: or rather, like a 
Quarter-master or Treasurer of Bride-well, whose \ office D a 

lo is togiue so manie stroke^ with the hammer, as the publican 
vnchast offender is to haue stripes, and by the same Tuballs 
musique to warne the Uue-coate Corrector when he should 
patience and surcease: so continually, when by SenicMr 
Importuno the Doctor is brought to the Crosse, Don 

»5 Carneades sets downe what proportion of iustice is to be 
executed vpon him, and, when his backe hath bled sufficient, 
giues a signall of retreat. 

Neither would I heme you imagine that all these person- 
ages are fained^ like Americkc Vesputius, <fe the rest of the 

ao Antwerpc Speakers in *S\t Thomas Moores Vtopia : for, as 
true as Bankes his Horse knawes a Spaniard from an 
English-man, or there went vp one and twentie Maides 
to the top of Boston Steeple^ and there came but one downe 
againe, so true it is that there are men which haue dealt 

H with me in the same humour that heere I shaddow. In 
some nooke or blind angle of the Black-Friers you may 
suppose {if you will) this honest conference to bee held, after 
the same manner that one of these Italionate conferences 
about a Duell is wont solemnly to be handled, which is 

^when a man, being specially toucht in reputation, or 
challenged to the field vpon equall tearmes, calls all his 
fronds together, and askes their aduice how he should carrie 
himself e in the action. 

Him that I tearme Senior Importuno is a Gentleman 

35 of good qualitie, to whom I rest manie waies beholding, and 

14 Iir^orhmio CciU %% askes them their ColL, Gro. 34 Importvnio 
CM, Gro. 



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aa TO THE READER 

one (as the Philosophers say of winde^ that it is nothing 
but aire vehemently mootid) so hath hee neuer ceast, with 
all the vehemence of winde or breath that he hath^ to incite 
and mooue me to win my spur res in this ioumey. 
D av Vnder Grand Consiliadore / allude to a graue reue-Yend 5 
Gimnosophisty (Amicorum amicissimus, of all my Frends 
the most zealous^ that as Aesculapius built an Oracle of 
the Sunne at Athens, so is his Chamber an Oracle or 
Conuocation ChappeU of sound counsaile for all the better 
sort of the sonnes of vnderstanding about London, and (as 10 
it were) an vsuall market of good fellowship and conference. 

Hee also (as well as Senior Importuno) hath dealt with 
me verie importunately to employ all my Forces in this 
Expedition^*and as Hippocrates preserued the Citie of Coos 
from a great plague or mortalitie {generally dispersed i^ 
throughout Greece) by perswading them to kindle fires in 
publique places^ wherby the aire might be purified: so hath 
hee {in mostferuent deuotion to my well dooing) vncessantly 
perswaded me to preserue my credit from iadish dying 
of the scratches, by powerfuU through enkindling this to 
Pin^o Riminos euerlasting fire of damnation. 

For Domino Bentiuole and Don Cameades de boune 
compagniola, they be men that haue as full shares in my hue 
and affection as the former. 

The antecedent of the two^ beside true resolution andi^ 
valure {wherewith he hath ennobled his name extraordinarie) 
and a ripe pleasant wit in conuersing^ hath in him a perfect 
vnchangeable true habit of honestie^ imitating the Arte of 
MustquCy which the Professours thereof affirme to be 
infinite and without end. 30 

And for the subsequent or hindermost of the paire^ who 
likewise is none of the vnworthiest retainers to Madame 
Bellona, hee is another Florentine Poggius,^ mirthful! 
sportiue conceit & quick inuention, ignem faciens ex lapide 
D $ nigro, {which Munster in his Cosmography \ aUedgethfor the 35 
greatest wonder of England,) that is, wresting delight out of 

I a Importunio CoU. aa bonne CoU^ Gro. 34 ttmintUn Q. 



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TO THE READER 23 

anu tkifig. And this ouer and abaue I wUlgiui in euidence 
for his praise, that though all the ancient Records and 
Presidents of ingenuous Apothegs and Emblemes were 
bumt^ (as Polidore Virgill in King Harry the eights time 
5 burnt all the ancient Records of the true beginning of this 
our lie, after hee had finished his Chronicle) yet out of his 
affluent capacitie they were to be renewed and reedifiedfarre 
better. 

These foure^ with my selfe, whom I personate as the 

10 Respondent in the last place, shall {according as God toil 
giue them grace) clap vp a Colloquium amongst them, 
and so schoole my gentle Comrade or neighbor Quiquisse 
in some few short principles of my learning and industrie, 
that (/ doubt not) by that time they haue concluded and 

tsdispaUht with him, my Gorboduck Huddleduddle will 
gladly (on his knees) resigne to mee his Doctourship ; and as 
Antisthenes could not beate Diogenes away from him, but 
he would needes be his sc holler whether he would or no, so 
shall I haue him haunt me vp and downe to be my prentise 

so to learne to endite, and, doo what I can, I shall not be shut 
of him. 

This is once, I both can and wilbe shut presently of this 
tedious Chapter of contents, least, whereas I prepared it as 
an antipast to whet your stomachs, it cleane take aw^ your 

t^stomackes, and you surfet of it before meate come: where- 
fore, onely giuing you this one caueat to obserue in reading 
my Booke, which Aristotle prescribes to them that read 
Histories, namely, that they bee not nimis credulos aut 
incredulos, too rash or too slow of beleefe, and earnestly 

30 commending me to Qui cytharam neruis, & neruis temperat 
arcum, the melodious GodofGdsa \ vt are, that is life and d i"* 
sinnewes in euerie thing; as also to loues ancient trustie 
Roger, frisking come aloft sprightly Mercury, that hath 
vrings for his moustachies, wings for his ey-browes, wings 

Ingrowing out of his chinne like a thorough haire, wings 
at his armes, like a fooles coat with foure elbowes, wings 
for his riding bases, wings at his heeles in stead of spurres. 



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24 TO THE READER 

and is true Prince of Wingan-decoy in euerie things and 
desiring him to inspire my pen with some of his nimblest 
Pomados and Sommersets^ & be still close at my elbow^ 
since now I haue more vse of him than Alchumists^ in loue 
and charitie I take my leaue of you all^ at least of all such 5 
as heere meane to leaue and read no further^ and hast to the 
launching forth of my Dialogue. \ 



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Haue with you to Saffron-walden. D4 

Dialogus. 

Inter locutores: Senior Importune, Grand Consiliadore^ 
Domino Benttuole, Don Carneades de boune comr 
5 pagniola, Piers Pennilesse Respondent 

Importune. 

WHat, Tom^ thou art very welcome. Where hast 
thou bin this long time ; walking in Saint Faiths 
Church vnder ground, that wee neuer could see 
10 thee ? Or hast thou tooke thee a Chamber in Cole^harbour^ 
^here they Hue in a continuall myst, betwixt two Brew- 
nouses ? 

Consili: Indeed we haue mist you a great while, as 
well spiritually as corporally ; that is, no lesse in the absence 
15 of your workes than the want of your companie: but now, 
I hope, by your presence you will fully satisfie vs in either. 

Bentiuole: Nay, I would he would but fully satisfie | and D 4"" 
pay one, which is the Doctor : for this I can assure him, he 
is run farre in arrearages with expectation, & to recouer 
ao himselfe it wilbe verie hard, except hee put twice dubble as 
much aquafortis in his inke as he did before. 

Carnead: No aqua fortis^ if you loue me, for it almost 
poysoned and spoyled the fashion oi Stones the fooles nose ; ^4 
and would you haue it be the destruction and desolation 
'S of a Doctor Foole now ? What, content your selfe : a 
messe of Tewksbury mustard, or a dramme and a halfe of 
ToTver-kUl vineger, will seeme a high festiuall banquet, and 

4 bonm Coll^ Cro. 



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26 HAVE WITH YOV 

make a famous coronation shew on this forlorae Ciuilians 
hungry table. 

Impor : Tush, tush, you are all for iest, & make him be 
more careles of his credit than he wold be, by thus contem- 
ning and debasing his Aduersarie. Will you heare what is 5 
the vnited voyce and opinion abroad ? Confidently they say, 
he is not able to answere him, he hath deferd it so long, & 
if he doo answere him, howsoeuer it be, it is nothing, since 
hee hath been a whole Age about it ; though I, for mine 
owne part, know the contrarie, & will engage my oath for 10 
him (if need be) that the most of this time they thinke him 
houering ouer the neast, he hath sat hatching of nothing but 
toies for priuate Gentlemen, & n^lected the peculiar busines 
of his reputation, that so deeply conceme him, to follow 
vaine hopes and had I wist humours about Court, that make 15 
him goe in a thred-bare cloake, and scarce pay for boate 
hire. Often enough I told him of this, if he would haue 
beleeu'd me ; but at length I am sure he findes it, and 
repents it all too late. In no companie I can come, but 
: I euerie minute of an howre (be-|cause they haue taken ao 
speciall notice of my loue towards him) they still will be 
tormenting me with one question or another, of what he 
is about, what means he to be thus retchles of his fame, or 
whither I am sure those things which are past vnder his 
name heretofore were of his owne dooing, or to get an as 
opinion of wit hee vsed some other mans helpe vnder hande, 
that nowe hath vtterly giuen him ouer and forsaken him ; 
whether he be dead or no, or forbidden to write, or in r^ard 
he hath publisht a treatise in Diuinitie makes a conscience 
to meddle any more in these controuersies ? with a thousand 50 
other like idle interrogatories : whereto I answere nothing else, 
but that he is idle and new fangled, b^inning many things 
but soone^wearie of them ere hee be halfe entred, and that hee 
hath too much acquaintance in London euer to doo any 
good, being like a Curtezan that can deny no man, or a 35 

14 concerocH Gfv. 18 belec'ud Q. ao be- [^.w. cause] | becanae Q. 
ai him, they 6* 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN a; 

graue common-wealths Senatour that thinkes he is not borne 
for himselfe abne; but, as old Laertes in Homers Odissxa^ 
Dum reliqua omnia curabat^ seipsum negUgebat^ carii^ for 
all other things else, sets his owne estate at sixe and seauen. 

5 ludge you, whom he takes for his best friends, what the end 
of this will be. A disgraced and condemned man he lines 
whiles Homey thus liues vnanswered, worse than he that hath 
peaceaSly^d quietly put vp an hundred bastinadoes, or 
suffred Ids face to be made a continual common wall for 

10 men to spit on : Spittle may be wip't off^ and the print of 
a broken^pate or bruse with a cudgell quickly made whole 
and wome out of mens memories, but to be a villaine in 
print, or to be imprinted at London the reprobatest villaine 
that euer went on two l^s, for such | is Gabriell Scurueies E i'' 

15 (as in thy other booke thou termst him) his witles malicious 
testimony of thee, with other more rascally hedge rak't vp 
termes, familiar to none but relish morts and doxes, is 
an attainder that will sticke by thee for euer. A blot of 
ignominie it is, which though this age^ or, at the vtmost, 

JO such in this age as haue conuerst or are acquainted with 
thee, hold light and ridiculous, and no more but as a Bulls 
roaring and bellowing and running home mad at euery one 
in his way, when he is wounded by the Dogges and almost 
bay ted to death ; yet there is an age to come, which, know- 

35 ii^ neither thee nor him, but by your seuerall w<^kes 
lodging of either, wiU authorise all hee hath belched^forth 
in thy reproach for soimd Gospell, since as the prouerbe is, 
qui tacet consentire videtur^ thou holdii^ thy peace, and not 
confuting him, seemes to confesse and confirme all whereof 

30 hee hath accused thee, and the innocent, vnheard, doo 
perish as guilty. Deceiue not thy selfe with the bad sale of 
his bookes, for though in no other mans handes, yet In his 
owne Deske they may bee founde after his death, whereby, 
while Printing lasts, thy disgrace may last, & the Printer 

35 (whose Copie it is) may leaue thy infamie in Legacie to his 
heyres, and his heyres to their next heyres successiuely to 
a odissma Q. 16 hedge-rak*t (f) Q. 



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28 HAVE WITH YOV 

the thirteinth and fourteenth generation, Cum PriuiUgio^ 
forbidding all other to Print those lewd lying Recordes of 
thy scandall and contumely, but the lineall offspring of 
their race in setnpiUrtmm. Hast thou not heard howe 
Orpheus wrote in the 2700. age of the world, whereas it b 5 
now 5596. and yet his memorie is fresh, his verses are 
extant, whereas all the Kings that raignd and suruiude at 
£ s that time haue not | so much as the first letter of their 
names to posterity commended ? the very same is thy case 
with those in Germanie^ which bedi^ executed are neuer 10 
buried. Consider and deliberate well of it, and if it worke 
not effectually with thee I know not what will Neither, 
if thou beest so sencelesse that thou wilt not let it sinke 
into thee, doo I hold thee worthy to be any thing but the 
sinke of contempt, to be excluded out of all men of worths 15 
companies, & counted the abiect scumme of all Poets and 
ballet-makers. 

Respond: So you haue said, sir. Now let mee haue my 
tume another-while, to counterbuflfe and beate backe all 
those ouerthwart blowes wherewith you haue charged me. ao 

Benti: No reason to the contrarie, but in any case be not 
choUerick, since the most of those speeches he hath vttred 
my owne eares can witnesse to bee true, when as at diuers 
great meetings and chiefe Ordinaries I haue Champion- 
like tooke thy part, and euery one obiected and articled as 
against thee, much after the same forme he hath expressed 

Respond: Will you haue patience, and you shall heare 
me expressely and roundly giue him his quietus est ? To 
the first, wherein he concludes I am not able to answere 
him, because I haue deferd it so long ; I answere that it 30 
followes not, in so much as many men that are able to pay 
their debts doo not alwaies discharge and pay them 
presently at one push; and secondly, or to the second 
lye, where he sa)^, and I doo answere him it is nothing, 
since I haue beene a whole age about it — If I list, I could 1% 
proue his assertion to bee vnder age : but thats all one, I am 

34 nothing Q, 35 it, If Q: it, if CoO.-. it If Gro, 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 29 

content my witte | should take vppon it antiquitie this £ 21^ 
once, and nothing else in my defence I will alledge but 
Veritas Temporis filia^ it is onely time that reuealeth all 
things : wherefore, though, in as short time as a man may 

5 leame to run at Tilt, I could haue gone thorough with 
inuention inough to haue run him thorough & confounded 
him, yet I must haue some further time to get perfect 
intelligence of his life and conuersation, one true point 
whereof, well set downe, wil more excruciate & commace- 

10 rate him, than knocking him about the eares with his owne 
stile in a hundred sheetes of paper. And this let me 
informe the lury ouer and aboue, that age is no argument 
to make anie thing ill: & though graybeard drumbling 
ouer a Discourse be no crime I am subiect too, yet, in the 

IS behalfe of the crazed wits of that stamp, I will vphold that 
it 18 no vpright conclusion to say whatsoeuer is long 
laboured is lowsie and not worth a straw ; since by that 
reason you might conclude Dianas Temple at Ephesus to 
haue been a stinking Doue-cote or a Hog-sty, because it 

10 was 17^. yere in building by the Amazons. Anie time this 
17. yere my aduersary, Frigius Be/i^gus^ hath laid waste 
paper in pickle, and publisht some rags of treatises against 
Blaster Lilly smd mee, which I will iustifie haue lyne by 
him euer since the great matches of bowling and shooting 

ts on the Thames vpon the yce. But for my part, trie mee 
who will, and let anie man but finde mee meate and drinke, 
with the appurtenances, while I am playing the paper stainer 
and fishing for pearle in the bottome of my tar-boxe, and 
but free me from those outward encumbrances of cares that 

30 ouer-whdme mee, and let thb Faraliticke Quacksaluer fill 
ten thousand tunnes with | scelerata sinewy shrewish snap- £ $ 
pish mustard, as Plautus calls it, or botch and cobble vp as 
manie volumes as he can betwixt this and doomesday, and 
he shall see I will haue euerie one of them in the nose 

15 straight, and giue as suddaine extemporall answeres as 

6 innention Q . 14 crime, I • • . too, yet Gro, ao-i Read perhaps 

thb;. yere/ 



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so HAVE WITH YOV 

Pope Siluesters or Frier Bacons brazen head, which he 
would haue set vp on the Plain of Salsbury. As touching 
the vain hopes and had I wist Court humors which you say 
I follow, there is no Husbandman but tills and sowes in 
hope of a good crop, though manie times hee is deluded 5 
with a bad Haruest Court humours, like cutting of haire, 
must either bee obserued when the Moone is new or in the 
full, or else no man will haue his hands full that gleanes 
after them. Not vnlikely it is they so question you about 
the cause of my long stay ; and their wits being dull frozen lo 
and halfe dead for want of matter of delight, (wherof 
Poules Ckurchr-yard was neuer worse fuelled,) like those in 
Florida or diuers Countreyes of the Negroes^ that kindle 
fire by rubbing two sticks one against another, so, to re- 
create and enkindle their decayed spirites, they care not 15 
how they set Haruey and mee on fire one against another, 
or whet vs on to consume our selues. But this Cock-fight 
once past, I vow to tume a new leafe, and take another 
order with them, resoluing to take vp for the Word <x 
Motto of my patience, Perdert posse sat est^ it is enough to 
that it is in my power to call a Sessions and trusse him vp 
when I list, concluding with the Poet, Dum desint hostes^ 
desit quoqui causa triumphi^ as long as we haue no enemies 
to trouble vs, it is no matter for anie Triumphs or bonfires : 
and as it was said of the blacke Princes souldiers,that they %% 
E 3^, car'd for no spoyle but gold and siluer, | or feathers, so 
euer after I will care for no conquest or victorie which 
carries not with it a present rich possibilitie of raysing my 
decayed fortunes, and Caualier flourishing with a feather 
in my cappe (hey gallanta) in the face of enuie and generall 30 
Worlds opinion. As newfangled and idle, and prosti- 
tuting my pen like a Curtizan, is the next Item that you 
taxe me with ; well it may and it may not bee so, for 
neither will I deny it nor will I grant it ; onely thus farre 
He goe with you, that twise or thrise in a month, when 35 
res est angusta domi, the bottome of my purse is tumd 
downeward, & my conduit of incke will no longer flowe 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 31 

for want of reparations, I am £dne to let my Plow stand 
still in the midst of a furrow, and follow some of these new- 
fangled Galiardos and Senior FaniasticoSy to whose amorous 
ViUanellas and Quifassas I prostitute my pen in hope of 

5 gaine ; but otherwise there is no newfanglenes in mee but 
pouertie, which alone maketh mee so vnconstant to my 
determined studies ; nor idlenesse, more then discontented 
idle trudging from place to place, too and fro, and prose- 
cuting the meanes to keep mee from idlenesse. My 

»o Doctour Vanderhulky peraduenture, out of this my indigent 
confession may take occasion to work piteously : It is no 
matter, I care not, for many a faire day agoe haue I pro- 
daimed my selfe to the worlde Piers Pennilesse^ and 
sufficient petigrees can I shewe to prooue him my elder 

15 brother. What more remaineth behinde of the condemned 
estate I stand in, till this Domine Dewse-ace be conswapped, 
& sent with a paire of newe shooes on his feete and a scrowle 
in his hand to saint Peter ^ like a Russian when he is buried ; 
as also of the immortality of the Print, & | how though not £ 4 

^ this age, yet another age three yeares after the building 
vp the top of Powles steeple, may baffuU and infamize my 
name when I am in heauen & shall neuer fede it, in foure 
words I will defeate and lay desolate. Forsooth, (bee it 
knowne vnto you) I haue prouided harping yrons to catch 

25 this great Whale ; and this Gobin a grace af Hannikin 
by Gods grace shall be met and combatted. Yet this I 
must tell you, sir, in the way of friendship twixt you & 
mee, your graue fatherly forecasting Forasmuckes^ and 
vrging of posteritie and after ages whose cradle-makers 

30 are not yet begot, that they may doo this, and they may 
doo that, is a stale imitation of this heathen Gregorie 
Huldricke^ my Aniigonist And thus I trust all reckonings 
are euen twixt you and mee. 

Impor: Nay, I promise thee, thou hast giuen me my 

35 Pasport, and I know not what to say, now thou sayst he 
shall be answerd. 
Benti: I am very glad, for thy credits sake, that thou 



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32 HAVE WITH YOV 

perseuerst in that purpose, but more glad would I bee to 
see it abroad and publisht 

Resp : Content your selfe, so you shall ; although it 
hath gone abroad with his Keeper any time this quarter of 
this yeare ; but as profounde a reason as any I haue allea^*d 5 
yet, of the long stay and keeping it backe, was that I 
might fulfill that olde verse in Ouid^ Ad metant properaU 
simul; tunc plena voluptas^ as much to say as march together 
merrily, and then there will be lusty dooings and sound 
sport ; so did I stay for some company to march with mee, lo 
that wee might haue made round worke, and gone thorough 
stitch : but since all this while they come not forwarde 
£ 4V according to pro-|mise, but breake their daye, as the King 
of Spcdne did with Sebastian^ King of PartugaU^ about his 
meeting him at Guandulopeia^ when they should haue gone 15 
together to the Battaile of Alcazar^ veiah diabolo^ Saint 
George and a tickling pipe of Tobacco^ and then pell mell, 
all alone haue amongst them, if there were ten thousand of 
them. 

Cam: Faith, well said, I perceiue thou fearst no colours, ao 

Resp: Whatsoeuer I feare, He force lenkin Heyderry 
derry both to feare and beare my colours, and suite his 
cheekes (if there be one pimple of shame in them) in a 
perfecter red than anie Venice dye. 

Consil: Vengeance on that vnluckie dye, may hee crie, n 
like a swearing shredded gamester, that looseth at one set 
all that euer he is worth : but I pry thee (in honestie), if 
thou hast anie of the papers of thy Booke about thee, shew 
vs some of them, that, like a great Inquest, we may deliuer 
our verdit before it come to the Omnigatherum of Towne jo 
and Countrey. 

Respon: Then gather your selues together in a ring, 
and. Grand ConsUiadore^ be you the grand commander 
of silence (which is a chiefe Office in the Emperour of 
Russiaes Court), for here it is in my sleeue that will 35 
besliue him : yet, if I be not decdued, some part of the 
Epistle I haue read to you heretofore. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 33 

Import: I, to the Barber : such a thing I well remember, 
but what Barber it was, or where he dwelt, directly thou 
neuer toldst vs. 

Respon: Yes, that I haue both towld and bookt him 

*too: neuertheles, (for your better vnderstanding,) know 
it is <Mie Dick Litchfield^ the Barber of Trinity Colledge, \ 
a rare ingenuous odde merry Greelce, who (as I haue ^ * 
heard) hath translated my Piers Pennilesse into the Maca-- 
ronicall tongue; wherein I wish hee had been more 

10 tongue-tide, since in some mens incensed iudgements 
it hath too much tongue alreadie, being aboue 2. yeres 
since maimedly translated into the French tongue, and in 
the English tongue so rascally printed and ill interpreted 
as heart can thinke or tongue can tell. But I cannot 

15 tell how it is growen to a common fashion amongst a 
number of our common ill liuers, that whatsoeuer tongue 
(like a spaniels tongue) doth not licke their aged soares 
and fawne on them, they conclude it to be an adders 
tongue to sting them : and wheras wittie Aesope did buy 

aovp all the tongues in the market hee could spie, as the 
best meate hee esteemed of, they (by all meanes possible), 
cuen out of the buckles of theyr girdles, labor to plucke 
forth the tongs, for feare they should plucke in their 
VDsatiate greedie paunches too straight. 

as Cam: O, peace, peace, exercise thy writing tongue, 
and let vs haue no more of this plaine English. 

Resp: With a good will, agreed: &, like Mahomets 
ai^els in the Alcheron^ that are said to haue eares 
stretching from one end of heauen to the other, let 

30 your attention be indefinite & without end, for thus I begin. 

MAscula virarunty Saint Mildred and Saint Agapite ! 
more Letters yet from the Doctor? nay, then we 
shall be sure to haue a whole Grauesend Barge full of 
Newes, and heare soundly of all matters on both eares. 
35 Out vppon it, heere's a packet of Epistling, as bigge as 
a Packe of Woollen \ cloth, or a stack of salt-fish. Carrier, F 1^ 
III D 



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34 HAVE WITH YOV 

didst thou bring it by wayne, or on horse-backe ? By wayne, 
sir, & it hath crackt me three axeltrees, wherefore I hope 
you will consider me the more. Heauie newes, heame 
newes, take them againe, I will neuer open them. Ah, 
quoth he (deepe sighing), to mee, I wot, they are the 5 
heauiest, whose Cart hath cryde creake vnder diem fortie 
times euerie furlong: wherefore, if you bee a good man, 
rather make mud walls with them, mend high wayes, 
or damme vp quagmires with them, than thus they shuld 
endammage mee to my etemall vndooing. I, hearing the 10 
fellow so forlome and out of comfort with his lug^age^ 
gaue him his Charons Naulum^ or ferry three half pence, 
& so dismist him to go to the place from whence he came, 
and play at Lodum. But when I came to vnrip and 
vnbumbast this Gargantuan bag-pudding, and found no- 15 
thing in it but dogs-tripes, swines liuers, oxe galls, and 
sheepes gutts, I was in a bitterer chafe than anie Cooke 
at a long Sermon when his meate bumes. Doo ,tfae 
Philosophers (said I to my selfe) hold that letters are 
no burden, & the lightest and easiest houshold stuffe a so 
man can remooue ? lie be swome vpon Anthome Gueuaras 
golden Epistles, if they will, there 's not so much toyle in 
remoouing the siedge from a Towne, as in taking an 
inuentorie suruay of anie one of them. Letters doo you 
terme them ? they may be Letters patents well enough for 35 
their tediousnes: for no lecture at Surgeons Hall vppon 
an Anatomie may compare with them in longitude. Why, 
they are longer than the Statutes of clothing, or the 
Charter of London. Will ye haue the simple truth, with- 
out anie deuices or playing vpon it ? Gabriell Haruey^ 30 
F a my stale Gull, & the one-|ly pure Orator in senseles riddles 
or Packstonisme that euer this our litle shred or seperate 
angle of the world suckled vp, not content to haue the 
naked scalp of his credit new couered with a false periwig 
of commendations, and so retume to his fathers house in 35 
peace and there sustaine his hungry bodie with wythred 
5 Bs^dng) to mee I wot they Q : sighing) to mee, I wot, they C^//., Gr^ 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 35 

scallions and greene cheese, hath since that time deepely 
forsworne himself in an arbitrement of peace, &, after the 
ancient custome of Scottish amitie, vnawares proclaimed 
open warres a fresh in a whole Alexandrian Librarie of 

5 waste paper. Piers his Supererogation^ or Noshes Saint 
Fanu^ pretely & quirkingly he christens it ; and yet not so 
much to quirke or crosse me thereby, as to blesse himselfe 
and make his booke sell, did hee giue it that title : for 
hauing found, by much shipwrackt experience, that no 

10 worke of his, absolute vnder hys owne name, would passe, 
he vsed heretofore to drawe Sir Philip Sydney^ Master 
Spencer^ and other men of highest credit, into euerie pild 
pamphlet he set foorth; and now that he can no longer 
march vnder their Ensignes, (from which I haue vtterly 

IS chac'd him in my Foure Letters intercepted^ he takes a 
new lesson out of Plutarch^ in making benefit of his enemie, 
& borrows my name, and the name of Piers Pennilesse 
(one of my Bookes), which he knew to be most saleable, 
(passing at the least through the pikes of sixe Impressions,) 

90 to hdpe his bedred stufTe to limpe out of Powles Church- 
yard^ that else would haue laine vnrepriuably spittled at 
die Chandlers. Such a huge drifat of duncerie it is he 
hath dungd vp against me, as was neuer seene since the 
raigne of Auerrois. O, tis an vnconscionable vast gor- 

t5 bellied Volume, bigger bulkt than a Dutch Hoy, & | farre F a'' 
mcnre boystrous and cumbersome than a payre of Swissers 
omnipotent galeaze breeches. But it shuld seeme he 
is asham'd oi the incomprehensible corpulencie thereof 
himselfe, for at the ende of the 199. Page hee bonnes with 

30 one 100. againe, to make it seeme little, (if I lye you may 
look and conuince mee;) & in halfe a quire of paper 
besides hath left the Pages vnfigured. I haue read that 
the Giant Antxus Shield askt a whole Elephants hyde 
to couer it; bona fide I vtter it, scarce a whole Elephants 

35 hyde & a half would seme for a couer to this Gcgmagcg 

18-9 Qy, read Bookes wbidi . • • saleable, passing t 30 one loa] 

Or, rtad loo* or one hnndxed? 



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36 HAVE WITH YOV 

Jewish Thalmud of absurdities. Nay, giue the diuell his 
due, and there an ende, the Giant that Magellan found at 
Caput sanctx cruets, or Saint Christophers picture at 
Antwerpe, or the monstrous images of Sesostres, or the 
Aegiptian Rapsinates^ are but dwarffes in comparison of 5 
it. But one Epistle thereof, to lohn Wolfe, the Printer, 
I tooke and weighed in an Ironmongers scales, and it 
counterpoyseth a Cade of Herring and three Holland 
Cheeses. You may beleeue me if you will, I was faine 
to lift my chamber doore off the hindges, onely to let '® 
it in, it was so fulsome a fat Bonarobe and terrible Roun^ 
ceuall. Once I thought to haue cald in a Cooper that 
went by and cald for worke> and bid him hoope it about 
like the tree at Grays-Inne gate, for feare it should burst, 
it was so beastly ; but then I remembred mee the boyes '5 
had whoopt it sufficiently about the streetes, and so I 
let it alone for that instant. Credibly it was once rumord 
about the Court, that the Guard meant to trie masteries 
with it before the Queene, and, in stead of throwing the 
sledge or the hammer, to hurle it foorth at the armes «© 
F 3 ende for a wager. I, I, euerie one maye | hammer vpon 
it as they please, but if they will hit the nayle on the 
head pat, as they should, to nothing so aptly can they 
compare it as Africke, which being an vnbounded stretcht 
out Continent, equiualent in greatnes with most Quarters '5 
of the Earth, yet neuertheles is (for the most part) ouer- 
spred with barraine sands: so this his Babilonian towre 
or tome of confutation, swelling in dimension & magni- 
tude aboue all the prodigious commentaries and familiar 
Epistles that euer he wrote, is, notwithstanding, moreao 
drie, barraine, and sandie in substance, than them all. 
Peruse but the Ballet In Sandon soyle as late befell, 
and you will be more soundly edified by sixe parts. 
Sixe and thirtie sheetes it comprehendeth, which with 
him is but sixe and thirtie full points ; for he makes no 35 
more difference twixt a sheete of paper and a full point, 
than there is twixt two blacke puddings for a pennie. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 37 

and a pennie for a paire of blacke puddings. Foule euill 
goe with it, I wonder you will prate and tattle of sixe 
and thirtie full points so compendiously trust vp (as 
may bee) in sixe and thirtie sheetes of paper, when as 

5 those are but the shortest prouerbs of his wit ; for he 
neuer bids a man good morrow, but he makes a speach 
as long as a proclamation; nor drinkes to anie, but he 
reads a Lecture of three howers long De Arte bibendi. 
O, tis a precious apoth^maticall Pedant, who will finde 

10 matter inough to dilate a whole daye of the first inuention 
of Fy^fa^ /^^> I smell the bloud of an English-man : and 
if hee had a thousand pound, hee hath vowd to consume 
it euerie doyt, to discouer and search foorth certaine 
rare Mathematicall Experimentes ; as for example, that 

,5 of I tying a flea in a chaine, (put in the last edition ofpj^ 
the great Chronicle,) which if by anie industrie hee could 
atchieue, his owne name beeing so generally odious 
throughout Kent and Christendome, hee would presently 
transforme & metamorphize it from Doctour Haruey to 

ao Doctour Ty^ (of which stile there was a famous Musition 
some few yeres since,) resoluing, as the last cast of his 
maintenaunce, altogether to line by carr)dng that Flea, 
like a monster, vp and downe the countrey, teaching it 
to doo trickes, hey, come aloft, lack, like an ape ouer the 

35 chaine. If you would haue a flea for the nonce that you 
might keepe for a breeder, why this were a stately 
flea indeede to get a braue race of fleas on; your fly 
in a boxe is but a drumble-bee in coparison of it ; with 
no expence at all, on your chin (like a witches familiar) 

30 you might feed it, and let the chaine hang downe on 
your breast, like a stale greasie Courtiers chaine with 
one strop. Alacke and weladay, too too inconsiderately 
aduised was this our Pocticall Gabriell^ when, hexameterly 

. entranced, he cride out, 

}5 O blessed healthy blessed wealthy and blessed abundance^ 
O^ that I had these three for the losse of }0. Commensments. 

39 at all (oD your chin like Q, CoU,^ Gro, 



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38 



HAVE WITH YOV 






when he should haue exclaimd, 

O, that I had this flea for the losse of)0, Comtnensfnents, 

Feraduenture he thinkes thus slightly to steale away 
with a Flea in his eare, but I must flea his asses skin ouer 
his eares a little handsomer ere wee part. Those that 5 
bee so disposed to take a view of him, ere hee bee 

come to the full Midsommer 

Tbipilh^re ^ CJmeB Moone and raging Calentura 

mwL^^ ^Ap^ti^^Ji^ of his wretchednes, here let 

them behold his liuely coun- 10 

terf et and portraiture, not in the 

pantofles of his prosperitie, as 

_ ^ he was when he libeld against 

F4 Jl^^9 my I Lordof(3;r/'^^/,butinthe 

single-soald pumpes of his ad- *£ 
uersitie, with his gowne cast off, 
vntrussing, and readie to beray 
himselfe, vpon thenewes of the 
going in hand of my booke. 

If you aske why I haue •^ 
put him in round hose, that 
vsually weares Venetians ; It 
is because I would make him 
looke more dapper & plump 
and round vpon it, wheras •* 
otherwise he looks like a case 
of tooth-pikes, or a Lute pin 
put in a sute of apparelL 
Gaze vppon him who list, for, 
I tell you, I am not a little 3© 
proud of my workmanship, 
and, though I say it, I haue handled it so neatly, and so 
sprightly, and withall ouzled gidumbled, muddled, and 
drizled it so finely, that I forbid euer a Hauns Boll, Hauns 
Holbine, or Hauns Mullier of them all (let them but play 35 

22 Venetiani? It Q. Venctitni? it Coll., Gro. 34, 35 Hanni {thrici) 
Ccll,t Gro. 




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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 39 

true with the face) to amend it, or come within fortie foote 
of it. Away, away, Blockhmdy Trusser^ Francis de Murre^ 
and the whole generation of them will sooner catch the 
murre and the pose tenscore times, ere they doo a thing 
5 one quarter so masterly. Yea, (without Kerry merry buffe 
be it spoken,) put a whole million oi Johannes Mabusiusses 
of them together, and they shall not | handle their matters F 4* 
at t diarpe so handsomly as I. t Painters 

BenH: From sharpe to come to the poynt : as farre as ^f 
10 1 can leame, thou hast all the aduantage of the quarell, 
since both the first and last fire-brand of dissention betwixt 
jrou was tost by the Doctour. 

Respond: Tossing (by your fouour) is proper to the sea ; 
and so (like the sea) doth hee tosse water, and not fire. 
15 Benti: That is tost or cast water on fire: if hee did so, 
he is the wiser. 

Respan: On a fire of sea-cole, yoVi meane, to make it 
bume brighter. 

BenH: A fire that the sea will coole, or Haruey find water 
so inough to quench, if you looke not too it the better. 

Respon : I warrant, take you no care, He looke to his 
water well inough. 

Imp : But me thought euen now thou contemndst him, 

because hee tost water and not fire; whereas, in my 

H increment, there is not a hairs difference betwixt being 

bumd and being drownd, since death is the best of either, 

and the paine of dying is not more tedious of the one than 

of the other. 

Respon: O, you must not conclude so desperate, for 

^ euerie tossing billow brings not death in the mouth of it : 

besides, if the worst come to the worst, a good swimmer 

may doo much, whereas fire rapit omnia secum, sweepeth 

deane where it seazeth. 

Importun: I, but haue you not heard that broken peece 
35 of a vearsc, Currenti cedefurori^ giue place to fire or furie, 
and you shall quickly see it consume it selfe ? | 
Respon: A stale puddings end ; by that reason you may G i 



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40 HAVE WITH YOV 

as well come vpon mee with Tempus edax rerum^ quid nan 
consumitis annit As though there is anie thing so eternal! 
and permanent, that consumes and dies not after all his fire 
of life is spent For mee, I know I shall liue, and not die, 
till I haue digd the graues of all my enemies ; and that the 5 
fire of my wit will not bee spent, till (as amongst the 
Samogetes and Chaldseans) I get it to be worshipt as 
a god of those whom it most cdfounds: and as diuers of 
the Aethiopians curse the sunne when it riseth, and worship 
it when it setteth, so, how-eucr they curse and raile vpon 10 
mee in the b^inning, I will compell them to fall downe 
and worship mee ere I cease or make an end, crying vpon 
their knees Panuloi nashe^ which is, in the Russian tongue, 
Haue mercie vpon vs : but I will not haue mercie or be 
pacifide, till I haue left them so miserable that very horses 15 
shal hardly abstaine from weeping for them, as they did for 
the death of Cxsar ; and if they haue but euer a dog that 
lou'd them, he shall die for griefe, to view his masters in 
that plight 

Consil: In anie case leaue this big thunder of words, ao 
wherein thou vainly spendst thy spirits before the push of 
the battaile ; and if thou hast anie such exhaled heat of 
reuenge in the vpper r^on of thy braine, let it lighten 
and flash presently in thy aduersaries face, and not a 
farre off threaten thus idely. 25 

Resfon : Threaten idely, said you ? Nay, sure, He performe 
as much as hee that went about to make the dyuing boate 
twixt Douer and Callis, and as lightning and thunder neuer 
lightly goe asunder, so in my stile will I temper them both 
G I'' togither, mixing thunder with ligh-|tning, and lightning with 30 
thunder, that is, in dreadful! terror with stripes, & sound 
thrusts with lowd tlireats, Tel! mee, haue you a minde 
to anie thing in the Doctors Booke? speake the word, and 
I will helpe you to it vpon the naile ; whether it bee liis 
words, !iis metaphors, his methode, liis matter, his meeters. 55 
Make your choyce, for I meane to vse you most stately. 

31 0^. rM^is,dreadfiillf 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 41 

Cam : Then, good gentle Frend, (if you will) let 's haue 
halfe a dozen spare-ribs of his rethorique, with tart sauce 
of taunts correspondent, a mightie chyne of hismagnificentest 
elocution, and a whole surloyne of his substantiallest 

5 sentences and similes. 

Resp: And shall; I am for you; lie serue you of the 
best, you may assure your selfe : with a continuat Tropolo-- 
gicaUspesich I will astonish you, all to bee-spiced & dredged 
with sentences and allegories, not hauing a crum of any cost 

10 bestowed vpon it more than the Doctors owne cooquerie. 
Import: Tropologicall I O embotched and truculent 
No French gowtie-1^, with a gamash vpon it, is so gotchie 
and boystrous. 

Consi: It sounds like the ten-fold ecchoing rebound of a 

15 dubble Cannon in the aire, and is able to spoyle anie little 
mouth that offers to pronounce it 

Resp: Gentlemen, take God in your minde, & nere feare 
you this word Tropologicall^ for it is one of Dick Harueys 
sheepes trattells in his Lambe of God, 

M Imp: I, Dick Harueys^ that may wel be; for I neuer 
heard there was more in him than would hard and scant 
serue him to make a Collation : but for the Doctor, trie it 
who will, his stile is not easie to be matcht, beeing 
^onunended by diuers (of good iudgement) | for the best that G a 

35 ere they read. 

Respond: Amongst the which number is a red bearded 
thrid-bare Caualier, who ^ my hearing) at an ordinarie, as 
he sat fumbling the dice after supper, fell into these tearmes 
(no talke before leading him to it) : There is such a Booke 

30 of Harueys (meaning this his last Booke against mee), as 
I am a Souldiour and a Gentleman, I protest, I neuer met 
with the like contriued pile of pure English. O, it is 
deuine and most admirable, & so farre beyond all that euer 
he published heretofore, as day-light beyond candle-light 

1% or tinsell or leafe-gold aboue arsedine ; with a great many 
more excessiue praises he bestowed vpon it: which 
39 it) There Q. 35 Qy. fVA/ tinsell of leafe-gold f 



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42 HAVE WITH YOV 

authentically I should haue bdeeued, if, immediately vpon 
the nicke of it, I had not seene him shrug his shoulders, 
and talk of going to the Bathe ^ and after, like a true Fandar 
(so much the fitter to be one of Gabriels Patrons), grew in 
commending to yong gentlemen two or three of the moat 5 
detested loathsom whores about London^ for peereles 
beauteous Paragons & the pleasingest wenches in the 
world ; wherby I guest, his iudgment might be infected as 
wel as his body ; & he that wold not stick so to extol! 
stale rotten lac'd mutton, will, like a true MiUanoys, sucke »^ 
figges out of an asses fundament, or doo anie thing. 
I more than halfe suspect those whom 3rou preferre for the 
best iudgements are of the same stampe ; or, if they be not, 
I wil set a new stampe on their iudgments, hauing (to let 
them see their dotage and error, and what his stile is they '5 
make such a miracle of) musterd together, in onegalimafrie 
or short Oration, most of the ridiculous senseles sentences, 
finicall flaunting phrases, and termagant inkhome tearmes 
G ^"^ throughout | his Booke, and fram'd it in his owne praise 
and apologie, because I would cut his cloake with the WooU, *® 
though Lilly and Nashe neuer so cry Non placet thereat 
Auditors, awake your attention, and here expect the deare 
repurified soule of truth, without the least shadow of fiction ; 
the vnflattered picture of Pedantisme, that hath no one 
smile or crinkle more than it should : for I deeply auow, »5 
on my faith and saluation, if he were a Doctor of gold, 
here in his owne clothes he shal appeare to you, & not so 
much as a knot to his winding sheete, or corner tip to the 
smallest seluage of his garments I will insert ; oaly a needle 
and thred to trusse vp his trinkets more roundly (vpponS^ 
better aduice) I am determined to lend him, in hope it may 
be his thred of life, and euen by that single bountie dubble 
stitch him vnto me to be my deuoted beadsman till death, 
but not a pinnes head or a moaths pallet roome gets he of 
anie farther contribution. Hem, cleare your throates, and 35 
spit soundly ; for now the pageant begins, and the stuffe by 
whole Cart-loads comes in. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 43 

An Oration, including most of the miscrea- 
ted words and sentences in the Doc- 
tors Booke. 

REnowmed and amicable Readers ^ from whom it is not 
concealed, that Silence is a slaue in a chaine, and the Pen 
the hot shot of the musket : 
Benti: Marke, marke, a sentence, a sentence. 

Orati: 
that, when the caitife Plans t raigneth^ of Punical war ther 
^o$sno end, & of the couter-tenor of an offended SirS no ela. | 

Carne : Theres two ; keepe tally. G 3 

Orati: 
Tell mee (/ pray you)y was euer Pegasus a cow in a cage^ 
Mercury a mouse in a cheese, Dexteritie a dog in a dubiety 

'5 Ledgerdemaine a slow-worme, Viuacitie a lazy bones^ 
Entelechie a slug-plum, Humanitie a spittle-man, Rhetorique 
a dummerell, Poetrie a tumbler. Historic a banqrout. 
Philosophic a broker t 

Consili: I, marry, now it workes. 

^ Respon: I bely him not a word ; lust as it is there, in his 
owne text it comes together. 

Orati: 
Why should I then, that haue been an incorruptible 
Areopage, 
»5 Benti: Stay that same Areopoge,hee is a forre)aier 
newe comeouer : let vs examine him it See bee the Queenes 
friend or no, ere he passe. *" ' 

Orati: 
without anie pregnant cause, be thus-prestigiously besiedged 
30 and marked with an Asteriske by them that are superficiall 
in Theory? 

Came : On my vertuous chastitie & in veritie, pregnant, 
prestigious, supoiiciall, and pretie. 

II Cam: c,w. 13 I Q. 



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44 HAVE WITH YOV 

Orati: 
In manie extraordinarie remarkeable energeticall lines and 
perfunctorie pamphlets^ both in ambidexteritie andomnidex- 
ieriHiy together with matters adiophoraU^ haue I disbalased 
my minde^ & not let slip the least occasionet of aduantc^e^ to 5 
acquaint the world with my pregnant propositions and 
resolute Aphorismes. 

Consili: That word Aphorismes Greenes Exequutors 
G i* may claime from him ; for while hee liu'd he had | no goods 
nor chatties in commoner vse than it. 10 

Import: Away, away, I cannot be perswaded hee wold 
euer come forth with anie one of these balductum bastardly 
termes. 

Respon: You cannot? then cannot I be perswaded 
that you cannot bee perswaded ; since I haue as much 15 
reason not to credit your bare assertion, where you say 
you are perswaded it is not so, as you to distrust my deep 
vehement protestatids, wherin I wold perswadeyou it is so: 
but if none of these perswasions or protestations may 
preuaile with your incredulitie, bring me to the booke, ,q 
if you please, (the Doctours Booke subintelligitur^ and that 
will soone resolue you. 

Import: It shall not need ; I beleeue thee, since thou 
standst in it so seriously: yet I wonder thou setst not 
downe in figures in the margent, in what line, page^ ,^ 
& folio a man might find euerie one of these fragments, 
which would haue much satisfied thy Readers. 

Respon: What, make an Errata in the midst of my 
Booke, and haue my margent bescratcht (like a Merchants 
booke) with these roguish Arsemetrique gibbets or flesh- 30 
hookes, and cyphers or round 00s, lyke pismeeres ^[ges ? 
Content your selfe, I will ncuer do it : or if I were euer 
minded to doo it, I could not, since, (as I told you some 
few leaues before,) in more than a quarter of that his 
tumbrell of Confutation, he hath left the Pages vnfigured ; 35 
foreseeing by deuination (belike) that I should come to 
disfigure them. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 45 

Consil: I warrant thee I, thou hast figur'd him well 
enough as it is; and if thou hadst tooken the paynes 
of quotations or figures, as he would haue thee, I doubt 
whether there be anie would euer haue bestowed so | much G 4 
5 paines to conferre or examine them. 

Camead : On, forward, good Piers Respondent, with your 
Oration, for I am hungrie vpon it ; and with this I haue 
heard alreadie my appetite is nothing stancht, but rather 
whetted. 
'® Respond: Beare witnes, my masters, if hee dye of 
a surfet, I cannot doo withall ; it is his owne seeking, 
not mine : as long as I haue it, I am no nig^rd of it, at all 
aduentures I will set it before him. 

Oration. 

'5 Omitting (sicco pede) my encomiasticall Orations, and 
tnercuriall and martiall discourses of the terribilitie of war, 
in the actiue & cheualrous vaine^ euery way cdparable with 
the Caualcads of Bellerophon, or Don Alph6so d'Aualos, 
wy Seraphicall visions in Queene Poetrie, queint theorickes^ 

*® melancholy proiects, and pragmaticall discourses ; whose 
beau-desert and rich ceconomie the inspiredest Heliconists 
& Arch-patrons of our new Omniscians haue not stickt 
to equipage with the ancient Quinquagenarians^ Centurions^ 
and Chiliarkes: notwithstanding all which Idees of mon- 

nstrous excellencies some smirking Singularists, brag 
Reformists, and glicking Remembrancers {not with the 
fmdtiplying spirite of the Alchumist, but the villanist) 
seeke to bee masons of infinite contradiction ; they (/ say) 
with their frumping Contras, tickling interiections^ together 

3© with their vehement incensiues and edlectiues, as if they would 
be the onely A per se a's, or great A's of puissance, like 
Alexander, (whom yet some of our modeme Worthies 
disdaine to haue sceptred the est Amen ofvalure,) commense 
redoubtable Monomachies against mee, and the dead honnie-bee 

35 my brother. \ 

Bentiu: A per se, con per se, tittle, est^ Amen! Dost G 4^ 



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46 HAVE WITH YOV 

thou not fede thy selfe spoyld ? why, he comes vppon thee 
(man) with a whole Horn-booke. 

Import: What a supematurall Nibble de beane it is, 
to call his brother a dead honnie-bee ! 

Consil: I laughd at nothing so much as that word Arch- s 
patrons. Goe thy wayes, thought I ; thou art a Ciuilian, 
and maist well fetch metaphors from the Arches, but thou 
shalt neuer fish anie monie from thence whilest thou liu'st 

Carn: Troth, I would hee might for mee (that's all 
the harme I wish him), for then we neede neuer wish lo 
the Playes at Powles vp againe, but if we were wearie 
with walking, and loth to goe too farre to seeke sport, into 
the Arches we might step, and heare him plead ; which 
would bee a merrier Comedie than euer was old Mother 
Bontby. As, for an instance: suppose hee were to sollicite 15 
some cause i^^st Martinists, were it not a iest as right 
sterling as might be, to see him stroke his beard thrice, 
& begin thus? Graue Heliconists^ seraphicaU Otnniscians^ 
& the only Centurions^ Quinquagenarians^ and Chiliarks 
of our time; may it please you to be aduertised, haw that 20 
certaine smirking Singtdarists, brag Reformists^ and 
glicking Remembrancers^ not with the multiplying spirit 
of the Alchumist^ but the villanistt hatte sought to be Masons 
of infinite contradiction, and with their melancholy proiects^ 
frumping contras, tickling interiectionSy and vehement t^ 
incensiues & aUectiueSy in all pragmaticaU terribiUtie^ 
commense redoubtable Monomachies against you, & the beaU" 
desert & I dees of your encomiasticall Church gouernment, and 
particular & peculiar oeconomies. O, we should haue 
H I the Pro-|ctors and Registers as busie with their Table- 30 
books as might bee, to gather phrases, and all the boyes in 
the Towne would be his clients to follow him. Marry, it 
were necessarie the Queenes Decj^herer should bee one of 
the High Commissioners; for else other-while he would 
blurt out such Brachmannicall fuldde-fubs as no bodie d5 
should be able to vnderstand him. 

3 what Q. a8 of of Q. 34 Hi^^] Gro. : high Q, CoiL 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 47 

Resp&n : Yoa make too long gloses on the text, attend 
how it foHowes. 

Oration. 
But Mercury sublimed is sotne^way a coy & stout fellow^ 
5 Ben: Verie true, for it is a good medicine for the itch. 

Oration, 
emd spite as close a secretarie as a scummer, 

Camead: Secretarie Spite and Secretarie Scummer, 
giue me your hands, I beseech you : what Noble-men about 
lo Court doo you belong too 7 

Oration. 
Resolution a forward mate^ and Valour a braue man ; 
Bentiu : O braue man, will you buy a braue dog ? 

Oration. 
15 Imfudencie and Slaunder^ two arrant vagabonds. 

Camead: I crie you mercie, I alwaies tooke them for the 
two Brothers. 

Oration. 
The world neuer such a Scogin as now^ and the diuell neuer 
ao such a knaue as now. 

Bentiu: What a diuell ayles he to rayle so vppon 
a poore painfull diuell, that dooes for him all he can ? 

Respond: Whist, silence on euerie hand; for here is 
the very 5. Georges robes of rhetorique, a speach that 
as I haue tooke vp by the lumpe, as it lies in his Booke. | 

Oration. H i^ 

What *s the saluation of Dauid Gorge ? A NuUitie. What 
the deification of H. N. ? A NuUitie. What the glorifi- 
cation of Ket? A Nullitie. What the sanctification 
30 of Browne ? A Nullitie. What the communitie of Barrow? 
A NuUitie. What the pUmsiiUitie of Martin? A NuUitie; 
yea^ and a wofidl NuUitie ^ and a piteous NulUHe. 

4 fellow, Q, CcH,, Gro, 7 seertiarit Q. 9 banda : I beseech jou, 

what Q, CM, Gro. 31 Mudn Coll., Gro. 



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48 HAVE WITH YOV 

Carmad: What a piteous noyse, like a spirit in a wal, 
doth he here make with his Nullities? I should sure run 
out of my wits, if one should come to my chamber doore 
at midnight, with nothing but such a dismall note of 
A Nullitie, a NuUitie. 5 

Oration. 
Nay^ be you Load-stones to exhale what I say. Martin is 
a Guerra, Browne a browne-bill, & Barrow a wheel-barrow ; 
Ket a kight, H, N. an o. k. ; and, to conclude, as the 
Wheele was an ancient Hierogliphicke amongst the i< 
A^yptians, so some tooles are false Prophets. 

Bentiu: That's the cause wee haue so manie bad 
work-men now a daies : put vp a Bill against them next 
Parliament. 

Import : But if he had said, manie men haue some ^5 
tooles that are litle for their profit, he had hit the mark 
somewhat nearer. 

Oration. 
ludas the Gaulonite in the raigne of Herod was a hot 
toast, •«> 

Carn : It cannot choose but he lou'd ale well, then. 

Oration, 
and present examples we haue, as hot as fresh, that he that 
hath time hath life. \ 
H a Consil: In good time be it spoken. ^5 

Import: A good admonition to Musitions to keepe time 
with their instruments, if they be desirous to line long. 

Oration. 
Duke Allocer on his lustie cock-horse is a hot familiar, 

Carnead: Let him but Hue in London halfe a yeare, and 3o 
there be them that wil take him downe and coole him, 
were he twice as hot. 

Oration, 
and no such Arte memoratiue as the crab-tree deske : 

Consil: No ? what say you to a crab-tree cudgcll ? if it 35 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 49 

were well husbanded about his shoulders, I thinke it would 
make him remember it time enough. 

■^ . Oration. 

for^ vnder correction of the arte notorie be it spoken^ enuie 
his a soaking register ^ and tnortall fewde the claw of an 
adamant 

Import: Hath adamant such sharpe clawes? that makes 
it hold yron so fast when it hath it 

Respon: Harke, harke, how hee praiseth Sir Philip 
10 Sidney. 

Oration. 
Sweete Sir Philip Sidney, he was the Gentleman of curtesies 
and the verie Esquire of industrie. 

Carnea: The Esquire of industrie? O scabbed scald 
15 squire [Scythian Gabrielt) as thou art, so vnder-foot to 
commend the cleerest myrrour of true Nobilitie. 

Consil: What a mischiefe does he taking anie mans name 
in his vlcerous mouth ? that, being so festred and ranckled 
with barbarisme, is able to rust and canker it, were it neuer 
ao so resplendent. | 

Respon : In all his praises he is the most fore-spoken H 2'' 
and vnfortunate vnder heauen, & those whom he feruentest 
striues to grace and honour he most dishonors and disgrac- 
eth by some vncircumdsed sluttish epithite or other: and 
as cuen to talke treason he may be drawn vnwares, and neuer 
haue anie such intent, for want of discretion how to manage 
his words. 

Bent: It is a common scofTe amongst vs, to call anie 
foolish prodigall yong gallant, the gentleman or floure of 
30 curtesie ; & (if it were wel scand) I am of the opinion, with 
the same purpose hee did it to scoffe and deride Sir Philip 
Sidney, in calling him the Gentleman of curtesie, and the 
verie Esquire of industrie. 

Respond: Poore tame-witted siUy Quirko, on my con- 
35 science I dare excuse him^ hee had neuer anie such thought, 

13 industrii? Q9 Gro.\ indmtri$l ColU ai R9Spond: c.w. 

in £ 



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50 HAVE WITH YOV 

but did it in as meere earnest aseuerin commendation of him- 
selfe and his brothers hee writ these two verses, 
Singular are these three, lohn, Richard, Gabriel Haruy, 

For Logique^ Philosophic^ Rhetorique^ Astronomic; 
as also, in like innocent wel meaning, added he this that 5 
ensues. 

Oration. 
His Entelechy was fine Greece^ and the finest Tuscanisme in 
grainc. Although I could tickle him with a contrarie pre- 
sident, where he casts Tuscanisme, as a horrible crime, in a ro 
Noble-mans teeth. 

Carncad: Bodie of mee, this is worse than all the rest, he 
sets foorth Sir Philip Sidney in the verie style of a Diers 
Signe. As if hee should haue said : | 

H3 HEERE WITHIN THIS 15 

PLACE IS ONE THAT DI- 
ETH ALL KINDE OF EN- 
TELECHY IN FINE GREECE, 
AND THE FINEST TVSCA- 
NISME IN GRAINE THAT >o 

MAY BEE, OR ANY COLOVR 
ELSE YE WOLD DESIRE. AND 
SO GOD SAVE THE QVEENE. 

Bentiu : More Copie, more Copie ; we leese a great deale 
of time for want of Text. «5 

Imp: Apace, out with it ; and let vs nere stand pausing 
or looking about, since we are thus far onward. 

Oration. 
But some had rather be a PoUcat with a stinking stirre^ 
than a Muske-cat with gracious fauour. 30 

Bentiu : I smell him, I smell him : the wrongs that thou 
hast offred him are so intollerable, as they would make a 
Cat speake ; therefore looke to it, Nashe^ for with one Pol- 
cat perfume or another hee will poyson thee, if he be not 
able to answere thee. 35 

4 Astrmomu. Q, CoU.^ Gro. 30 fa9iaur\ seutour CdLf Cro, 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 51 

Carnead: Pol-cat and Muske-cat ? there wants but a Cat 
a mountaine, and then there would be old scratching. 

Bentiu: I, but not onely no ordinarie Cat, but a Muske- 
cat, and not onely a Muske-cat, but a Muske-cat with 
5 gracious fauour (which sounds like a Princes stile Dei 
gratia) : not Tibault or Tsegrim, Prince of Cattes, were euer 
endowed with the like Title. | 

Respon : Since you can make so much of a little, you shall H 3^ 
haue more of it. 
'® Oration. 

To vtter the entrayles of a sphericall heart in few sillablesy 
Muske is a sweete curtezan^ and sugar and honey daintie 
hipocrytes. 

Bentiu : O, sweeter and sweeter, some bodie lend me a 
'^ hand-kercher, that I may carrie some home in my pocket 
for my little God-sonne. 

Carnead: Madame Muske, if you be a curtezan (as the 
Doctour informes vs), sure you haue drest a number of my 
fnends sweetly, haue you not ? But you were ncuer other- 
io y^i\sit like, for mans apparaile & womans apparaile, all was 
one to you ; and some mysterie there was in it, that they 
alwayes cride, Foh, what a stinke is heere ? and stopt their 
noses when you came neere them. For your worships, 
Master Sugar & Master Honie, (be you likewise such daintie 
n hipocrytes as he giues testimonie) I doubt not but at one 
time or other we shall taste you. 

Respond: Stay, let me looke vpon it: I, it is the same* 
right Isenborough good, or neuer trust mee. A speach or 
sudden exclamation, which, after hee had been in a deadly 
30 sound for sixe or seauen houres, (vppon what fear-procured 
sicknes I leaue you to imagine,) was the first words vpon his 
reuiuing he vttered. 

Oration. 
O Humanitie^ my Lullius, and Diuinitie^ my Paracelsus. 
36 Consil : As much to say as all the humanitie he hath is 

5 fauour\ scttMur Coll.^ Gro. 
£ % 



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5a HAVE WITH YOV 

gathered out of Lullius^ and all his diuinitie or religion 
out of Paracelsus. 
H 4 Carnead: Let him call vppon Kelly^ who is better | than 
them both ; and for the spirites and soules of the ancient 
Alchumists, he hath them so close emprisoned in the firie 5 
purgatorie of his fornace, that for the welth of the King of 
Spaines Indies^ it is not possible to release or get the third 
part of a nit of anie one of them, to helpe anie but himselfe. 

Import: Whether you call his fire Purgatorie or no, the 
fire of Alchumie hath wrought such a pui^tion or put^a- 10 
tory in a great number of mens purses in England that it 
hath clean fir'd thg out of al they haue. 

Respond: Therefore our Doctor (verie well heere towards 
the latter end of his Oration) comes in with a cooling card. 

Oration. 15 

Cordially I could wish^ that the pelting home of these sturres 
{according to the foeciall law) were rebated^ wherby our 
populars might taste of some more plausible Panegericall 
Orations^ fine Theurgie^ and profound essentiall God-full 
arguments. ao 

Carnead: Soft, ere I goe anie further, I care not if I draw 
out my purse, and change some odde peeces of olde English 
for new coyne ; but it is no matter, vpon the Retoume from 
Guiana^ the valuation of them may alter, and that which is 
currant now be then copper. Onely this word God-full 15 
goes with mee, if it be but to court a widdow in Christ or 
holy sister of ours with, that weares Thy spirit be with vs 
for the posie of her ring. 

Oration. 
But the arte of figges had euer a dappert wit, and a deft 30 
conceit: Saint Fame giue him icy of his blacke cole & his 
white chalke. \ 
H 4^ Consil: Saint Fame is one of the notorious nicke-names 
he giues thee, as also vnder the arte of figges (to cleaue 
him from the crowne to the waste with a quip) he 35 
shadowes Master Lilly: but if, betweene you, you doo not 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 53 

so chaike him vp for a Crimme & Maniquenbecke, and draw 
him in cole more artificially than the face in cole that 
MkhaeU Angela and Raphaell Vrbin went to buffets about, 
I would you might be cole-carriers or pioners in a cole-pit, 
* whiles colliers ride vpon coUimol cuts, or there be any 
reprisalls of purses twixt this and Cole-brooke. 

Respond: Pacific your conscience, and leaue your impre- 
cations ; wee will beare no coales, neuer feare you. As for 
him whom (so artlesse and against the haire of anie 

'® similitude or coherence) hee calls the arte of figges^ he 
shall not need long to call for his figs, for hee will bee 
choakt soone inough with them ; they hauing lyne ripe by 
him readie gathered (wanting nothing but pressing) anie 
time this twelue month. For my owne proper person, if I 

'^ doo not (in requitall of S. Fame) ensaint and canonize him 
for the famousest Paliard and Senior Penaquila that hath 
breathed since the raigne of S. TVr, let all the droppings of 
my pen bee seazed vpon by the Queenes Takers for Tarre 
to dresse ships with. I tarry too trifling superfluously in 

^ the twittle-cum-twattles of his Text : take it, with a wen- 
nion, altogether, if you will haue it. 

Oration. 
Efkbellishtly I can resolue them, here they shall not meete 
with chaike for cheese; and thotigh some drinke oyle of 
^^ prickes for a restoratiue^ they shall haue much adoo to void 
sirrupe of Roses : for it is not euerie mans blab that casts \ 
a sheepes eye out of a calues head^ and for ought I know, 1 1 » 
see no reason why the Wheel-wright may not be as honest a 
man and pregnant moschanician as the Cutler, the Cutler as 
30 the Drawer, the Drawer as the Cutter, and the Writer as 
the Printer. And so I recommend euery one, and them all, 
to your curtesies. 

Your mindfull debter, 

Gabriell Haruey. 

U Carnead: Thou hast opprest vs with an Inundation of 

9 him (whom so Q. ao twittle cnm-twattles Q, Coll., Gro* 35 

\Cam€ad.'\ CM, Gro.\ om. Q. 



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54 HAVE WITH YOV 

jBinscaian, J Btscanisnu \ and though we would faine haue made him 
bar^^ stand in a white sheet for his baudie oyle of pricks (a 
Spanish; common receipt for the greene sicknes) ; as also examind 
NorSren^ his simipe of roses, wherein Rose Flowers is best experi- 
tnng of the mented, yet time & tide (that staies for no man) forbids vs 5 
°^ '* to tire any more on this carrion, being more than glutted 
with it alreadie. 

Bentiu: But yet, to giue him this one comfort at the 
parting, it had not been amisse that, whereas he stands in 
such feare of casting his sheeps eye out of his calues head, xo 
thou neuer meantst it, but if it were an oxes hee should 
still keepe it, and rather thou wouldst enlai|;e it than 
empayre it. 

Respond: I, make it vp a paire (I sweare) rather than he 
should bee vnprouided. Responde breuiter^ Senior Impor^ 15 
tuna: haue not I comprehended all the Doctors workes 
brauely, like Homers Iliads in the compasse of a nut-shell? 
Now where be our honorable Caualiers, that keepe such 
a prating and a gabrill about our GabrieUznd his admirable 
stile (nothing so good as Littletons^ with his lohn a Nokes 90 
and lohn a Stiles) ? let them look to it, I wold aduise them^ 
I iv for the course they take | in commending this course 
Himpenhempen Slampamp^XJais stale Apple-squire Cockle- 
demoy^ who, some 18. yeares since, when these Italionate 
carnation painted horse tayles were in fashion, in selfe same 35 
sort was about (if his chamber-fellow had not ouer-rulde 
him) to haue scutchaneled and painted his pickerdeuant, 
to make it trauerlike antick: this iadish course, this 
iauels course, this drumbling course, this dry braind course, 
if you perseuer and insist in^ and, on the toppe of asses 50 
buskind eares, thus labour to build trophees of theyr praise, 
canonizing euerie Bel-shangles^ the water-bearer, for a 
Saint, and the contemptiblest worlds dish-cloute for a 
Relique ; inspiredly I prophecie, your endes will be Ale 
and Shorditch \ that all preferment and good spirits wiU 35 
abandon you ; and more, (to plague you for your apostata 
34 these] Qy. read those f 26 a bout Q. aS trave[Ue>-Uke CM 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 55 

conceipts) ballets shalbee made of your base deaths, euen 
as there was of Cutting Ball. 

Consil: Ho, Ball,ho; in the name of God, whether wilt thou ? 

Respond: To Saffron-walden as fast as I can, though 
5 I goe a little way about 

Import : Vnfortunate GaMell, I am sorry for him, for he 
hath been a man of good parts. 

Respond: Good parts ? lie name you one of seauen times 
better parts than he, whom you and I and euery one heere 
10 haue knowen from our childhood. 

Import: Who is that? 

Respond: In Speach with his eight Parts. But without 
further speach, that you may throghly be resolu'd what 
those good parts are you enable the Doctor for, here haue 
15 I set downe his whole life from his infancie to this present 
96, eug as they vse in the beginning of a| Bodk to set I a 
down the life of anie memorable ancient Author. Dispense 
with it though it drink some inck, or prodigally dispend 
manie Pages that might haue been better employd ; for if 
ao it yeeld you not sport for your money, at the same price 
shall you buye mee for your bond-slaue, that my Booke 
costs you. 

Camead: On that condition, wee will make thee a lease 
of our attention for three lines and a halfe, or a hundred 
%i lacking one. 

The life and godly education from his childhood of that 

thrice famous Clarke^ and worthie Orator and Poet, 

Gabriell Haruey. 

GAbriell Haruey, of the age of fortie eight or vpwards, 
{Turpe senex miles, tis time for such an olde foole to 
leaue playing the swash-buckler,) was borne at Saffron 
walden, none of the obscurest Townes in Essex. For his 
parentage, I will say, as Polidore VtrgiU saith of Cardinall 
Wolsey, Parentem habuit virum probum, at lanium, he had 
55 a reasonable honest man to his father, but he was a butcher ; 

16 Booke <.«r. 



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56 HAVE WITH YOV 

so Gabriell Haruey had one Good-man Haruey to his 
father, a true subiect, that paid scot and lot in the Parish 
where he dwelt, with the best of them, but yet he was a Rope- 
maker : Id quod reminisci nolebat (as Polidore goes forward) 
vt rem vtiqtie persona illius indignant, that which is death to 5 
Gabriell to remember, as a matter euerie way derogatorie 
to his person, quare secum totos dies cogitabat^ qualis essety 
nan vnde ^j^^/, wherefore from time to time he doth nothing 
but turmoile his thc^hts how to raise his estate, and 
I av inuent newpetegrees, and | what great Noble-mans bastard «<> 
hee was likely to bee, not whose sonne he is reputed to bee. 
Consil : Giue me leaue before thou readst any further. 
I would not wish thee so to vpbraid him with his birth, 
which if he could remedie it were another matter ; but it is his 
Fortune, and Natures, Cr neither his fathers fault nor his. '5 

Respond: Neither as his fathers nor his fault doo I vi^ 
it, otherwise than it is his fault to beare himselfe too 
arrogantly aboue his birth, and to contemne and foi^et the 
house from whence he came ; which is the reason that hath 
induced mee (aswell in this Treatise as my former Writings) »o 
to remember him of it, not as anie such hainous discredit 
simply of it selfe, if his horrible insulting pride were not ; 

Nam genus & proauos, & quae nonfecimus ipsi, 
Vix ea nostra voco. 

It is no true glorie of ours what our fore-fathers did, *5 
nor are we to answere for anie sinnes of theirs. Demosthenes 
was the sonne of a Cutler, Socrates of a Midwife ; which 
detracted neyther from the ones eloquence, nor the others 
wisedome : (farre be it that e5^er in eloquence or wise- 
dome I should compare Gabriell to either of them.) 3© 
Marry, for Demosthenes or Socrates to be ashamed or take 
it in high derisio (which they neuer did) the one to be said 
to haue a Cutler to his father, or the other that hee had 
a Mid-wife to his mother, (as ^^^rt^^ doth to haue himselfe 
or anie of his brothers called the sonnes of a Rope-maker, 35 
which, by his own priuate confession to some of my friends, 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 57 

was the onely thiag that most set him a fire against me,) 
I wfl iustify it, might argue thS or him more inferior 
& despi-jcable than anye Cutler, Mid-wife, or Rope-maker. 1 3 
Tume ouer his two bookes he hath published against 
5 me (whereon he hath clapt paper Gods plentie, if that 
would presse a man to death), and see if in the waye of 
answer, or otherwise, he once mention the word rope-maker, 
or come within fortie foot of it: except in one place of 
his first booke, where hee nameth it not neither, but goes 

10 thus cleanly to worke, (as heretofore I haue set downe,) 
though hee could finde no roome in the expence of 36. 
sheetes of paper to refute it And may not a good sonne 
haue a reprobate to his father? (a Periphrasis of a Rope- 
maker, which (if I should shryue my selfe) I neuer heard 

15 before.) This is once: I haue giuen him cause enough, 
I wot, to haue stumbled at it, and take notice of it ; for 
where, in his first booke, hee casts the begger in my dish 
at euerie third sillable, and so like an Emperour triumphs 
ouer mee, as though he had the Philosophers Stone to 

ao play at foot-bal with, & I were a poore Alchumist new set 
vp, that had scarce money to buy beechen coles for my 
fomace; in kind guerdon and requitall, I tolde him in 
Piers Penilesse Apologie, That he need not be so lustie^ if 
(like the Peacocke) he looht downe to the fotde feete that 

*5 vpheld hinty for he was but the sonne of a Rope-maker ; and 
he would not haue a shoo to put onhisfeete^ if his father had 
not traffique with the Hang-man. And in another place, 
where he brought the Towne Scale or next Justices hands 
(as it were) to witnes that his father was an honest man ; 

30 which no man denide or impaired anie further than saying 
He got his liuing backward; & that he had kept three 
sonnes at the Vniuersitie a long time ; I ioynd issue with 
them and confirmed it, & added, Nay^ \ which is more, three 1 3" 
proud sonnes, that when they met the hang-man (their 

11 fathers best customer) would not put off their hatts to him ; 
with other by-glances, to the like effect : which he silently 

14 if ihonld Q, Cdl : if [I] should Gro. 22 fomace. In Q, Col/., Gro, 



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58 HAVE WITH YOV 

ouer-skippeth, to withdraw men (lapwing-like) from his 
neast, as much as might bee. Onely hee tells a foolish 
twittle twattle boasting tale, (amidst his impudent brazen- 
faced defamation of Doctor Perne,) of the Funerall of his 
kinsman, Sir Thonuis Smithy (which word kinsman 1 5 
wonderd he causd not to be set in great capitall letters,) 
and how in those Obsequies he was a chiefs Mourner. 
Iwis his father was of a more humble spirit; who, in 
gratefull lieu and remembrance of the hempen mysterie 
that hee was beholding too, and the patrons and places 10 
that were his trades chiefe maintainers and supporters, 
prouided that the first letter each of his sonnes names 
began with should allude and correspond with the chiefe 
marts of his trafiick, & of his profession & occupation; 
as GabrieU^ his eldest sonnes name, banning with a G. for 15 
Gallowes, lohn with a I. for layle, Richard with an R. for 
Rope-maker; as much to say as all his whole lining 
depended on the layle, the Gallowes, & making of Ropes. 
Another brother there is, whose name I haue forgot, though 
I am sure it iumpes with this Alphabet lumpe or iarre 20 
they with me as they see cause, this counsaile (if the case 
were mine) I would giue them, not to bee daunted or 
blanckt anie \^t, had they ten hundred thousand l^ons 
of hangum tuums or per coUum pendere debes to their 
fathers, and any should twit them or gaule them with 95 
it neuer so: but as AgathocleSy comming from a durt- 
kneading Potter to be a King^ would (in memorie of that 
1 4 his first | vocation) be serued euer after as well in earthen 
dishes as simiptuous rojral plate; so, had they but one 
royall of plate or sixe pennie peece amongst them, they 30 
shuld plat (what euer their other checre were) to haue 
a salt eele, in resemblance of a ropes end, continuallye 
seru'd in to their tables ; or, if they were not able to be at 
such charges, let them cast but for a two-penny rope 
of onions euerie day to be brought in, in stead of frute, for 55 
a closing vp of their stomackes. It cannot doo amisse, it 
will remSber them they are mortal, & whence they came, 



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TO SAFFRON. WALDEN 59 

& whether they are to goe. Were I a Lord (I make the 
Lord God a vow) and were but the least a Idn to this 
breath-strangling linage, I would weare a chain of pearle 
brayded with a halter, to let the world see I held it in 
5 no di^^ce, but high glorie, to bee disc^ided howsoeuer : 
and as amongst the ancient Aegiptians (as Massarius 
de ponderibus writes) there was an Instrument called 
Funiculus^ conteining 60. furlongs, wherewith they mea- 
sured their fields and their vineyards; so from the plough 

lohamesse to the slender hempen twist that they bind 
vp their vines with wolc^ I branch my alliance, and omit 
nothing in the praise of it, except those two notable 
blemishes of the trade of rope-makens, AckUophel and 
hidas^ that were the first that euer hangd themselues. 

15 Bentiu : Thereto the Rope-makers were but accidentally 
accessaries as any honest man may be that lends a halter to 
a thief e^ wherewith {vnudtting to him) he goes & steaks 
a horse : wherefore^ how euer {after a sort) they may be said 
to haue their hands in the effect^ yet they are free and 

30 innocent from the cause. 

Respond: As though the cause and the effect (more | than j ^y 
the superficies and the substance) can bee seperated, when 
in manie things causa sine qua non is both the cause 
and the effect, the common distinction oi potentia non ctu 

35 approuing it selfe verie crazed and impotent herein, since 
the premisses necessarily b^et the conclusion, and so 
contradictorily the conclusion the premisses; a halter 
including desperation, and so desperation concluding in 
a halter ; without which fatall conclusion and priuation it 

30 cannot truly bee termed desperation, since nothing is said 
to bee till it is borne, and despaire is neuer fully borne till 
it ceaseth to bee, and hath depriu'd him of beeing that first 
bare it and brought it forth. So that herein it is hard 
to distinguish which is most to be blamed, of the cause ^ 

35 or the effect ; the Cause without the effect beemg of no 
effect, and the effect without the cause neuer able to haue 
18 kawaur, {after CM, Gro. 



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6o HAVE WITH YOV 

been. Such another paire of vndiscernable twins and 
mutuall married correllatiues are Nature & Fortune. As for 
example; If it be any mans fortune to hang himselfe 
and abridg his naturall life, it is likewise natural to him 
(or allotted him by Nature) to haue no better fortune. 5 

Camead : Better or worse fortune, I pry thee let vs heare 
how thou goest forward with describing the Doctor and his 
life and fortunes: and you, my fellow Auditors^ I beseech you, 
trouble him not (anie more) with these impertinent Parentheses. 

Respond: His education I wil handle next, wherein '^ 
he ran through Didimus or Diomedes 6000. books of the 
Arte of Grammer, besides leamd to write a faire capitall 
Romane hand, that might well seme for a boone-grace to 
K I such men as ride with their face to-|wards the horse taile, 
or set on the pillory for cousnage or periurie. Many '5 
a copy-holder or magistrall scribe, that holds all his lining 
by setting school-boies copies, comes short of the like gift. 
An old Doctor of Oxford shewd me Latine verses of his, in 
that flourishing flantitanting goutie Omega fist, which hee 
presented vnto him (as a bribe) to get leaue to playe, when *<> 
hee was in the heigth or prime of his Puer es, cupis atque 
doceri. A good qualitie or qualification, I promise you 
truely, to keepe him out of the danger of the Statute 
gainst wilful! vagabonds, rogues, and beggers. But in his 
Grammer yeares (take me thus farre with you) he was *5 
a verie gracelesse litigious youth, and one that would 
pick quarrells with old Gulielmus Lillies Sintaxis and 
Prosodia, euerie howre of the daye. A desperate stabber 
with pen-kniues, and whom he could not ouer-come in 
disputation, he would be sure to break his head with his 3® 
pen and ink-home. His father prophecyde by that his 
ventms manhood and valure, he would proue an other 
5". Thomas a Becket for the Church. But his mother 
doubted him much, oy reason of certaine strange dreames 
she had when she was first quicke with childe of him ; 35 
which wel she hoped were but idle swimming fancies 
a Fortime {Jumed u) Q, 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 61 

of no consequence : till, being aduisde by a cunning man 
(her frend, that was verie farre in her books), one time shee 
slept in a sheepes skinne all night, to the intent to dreame 
true, another time vnder a lawrell tree, a third time on the 

5 bare ground starke naked, and last on a dead mans tomb 
or graue-stone in the church in a hot Summers after- 
noone; when, no barrel better herring, she sped euen 
as she did before. For first shee dreamed her wombe was 
turned to such another hol-|low vessell full of disquiet K i^ 

10 fiends as ScUomons brazen Bowie, wherein were shut so 
manie thousands of diueb; which (deepe hidden vnder 
ground) long after the Babilonians (digging for mettals) 
chaunced to light vpon, and, mistaking it for treasure, 
brake it ope verie greedily, when, as out of Pandoras 

15 Boxe of maladyes, which Epimetheus opened, all manner 
of euiUs flewe into the world ; so all manner of deuills 
then broke loose amongst humane kinde. Therein her 
drowsie diuination not much deceiu'd her ; for neuer 
wer Empedocles deuils so tost from the aire into the 

90 sea, & from the sea to the earth, and from the earth 
to the aire againe exhaled by the Sunne, or driu'n vp by 
windes & tempests, as his discontented pouertie (more 
disquiet than the Irish seas) hath driu'n him from one 
profession to another. Deuinitie (the Heauen of all Artes) 

aj for a while drew his thoughts vnto it, but shortly after the 
world, the flesh, and the diuell with-drewe him from that, 
and needes he would be of a more Gentleman-like lustie 
cut ; whereupon hee fell to morrall Epistling and Poetrie. 
He fell, I may well say, & made the price of wit and 

30 Poetrie fall with him, when hee first b^an to be a fripler 
or broker in that trade. Yea, from the aire he fell to the 
sea^ (that my comparison may hold in euerie point,) which 
is, he would needs crosse the seas to fetch home two 
penniworth of Tuscanisme: from the sea to the earth 

35 againe he was tost, videlicet shortly after hee became 
a roguish Commenter vppon earth-quakes, as by the 
famous Epistles (by his owne mouth onely made famous) 



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6a HAVE WITH YOV 

may more largely appeare. Vltima linea rerumy his finall 
entrancing from the earth to the skies, was his key-colde 
K a defence of the Cleargie in | the Tractate of Pap-hatcheU 
intermingled, like a small Fleete of Gallies, in the huge 
Armada against me. The second dreame his mother had 5 
was that shee was deliuerd of a caliuer or hand-gun, which 
in the dischaiging burst I pray God (with all my heart) 
that this caliuer or caualier of Poetrie, this hand-gun 
or elder-gun that shoots nothing but pellets of chewd 
paper, in the dischaiging burst not A third time in lo 
her sleep she apprehended and imagined that out of 
her belly there grew a rare garden bed, ouer-run with 
garish weedes innumerable, which hadonely one slip in it of 
herb of grace, not budding at the toppe neither, but, like 
the floure Narcissus^ hauing flowres onely at the roote ; 15 
whereby she augur'd and coniectur'd, how euer hee made 
some shew of grace in his youth, when he came to the top 
or heighth of his best proofe he would bee found a barrain 
stalk without frute. At the same time (ouer and aboue) 
shee thought that, in stead of a boye (which she desired]^ ao 
she was deliuerd and brought to bed of one of these 
kistrell birds, called a wind-sucker. Whether it be veri- 
fiable, or onely probably surmised, I am vncertaine, but 
constantly vp and downe it is bruted, how he pist incke as 
floone as euer hee was borne, and that the first cloute^s 
he fowld was a sheete of paper ; whence some mad wits 
giu'n to descanty euen as Herodotus held that the Aetkiopians 
seed of generation was as blacke as inke, so haply they 
vnhappely wold conclude, an Incubus^ in the likenes of 
an inke-bottle, had carnall copulation with his mother 30 
when hee was b^otten. Should I reckon vp but one 
halfe of the miracles of his conception, that verie substan- 
tially haue been affirmed vnto me, one or other like Bodine 
K av wold I start vp and taxe mee for a miracle-monger, as 
hee taxt Liuy^ saying that he talkt of nothing else, saue 35 
how oxen spake, of the flames of fire that issued out 

a 2 wind-facker Q. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 63 

of the Sdpioes heads, of the Statues of the Gods that swet, 
how lupiter^ in the likenes of a childe or yong-man, 
appeared to Hanniball^ and that an Infant of six months 
olde proclaymed triumph vp and downe the streetes. But 
Met him that hath the poyson of a thousand Gorgons 
or stinging Basiliskes full crammed in his inke-home, 
tamper with mee, or taxe mee in the way of contradiction 
neuer so little, and he shall finde (if I finde him not a toad, 
worthie for nought but to be stampt vnder foote) that 

w I will spit fire for fire, fight diudl fight dragon, as long as 
he will. No vulgar respects haue I, what Hoppenny Hoe 
& his fellow Hanhin Booby thinke of mee, so those whom 
Arte hath adopted for the peculiar Plants of her Academic, 
and refined fi^om the dull Northemly drosse of our Clyme, 

'5 hold mee in anie tollerable account 

The wonders of my great Grand-father Hartleys pro- 
geniture were these. 

In the verie moment of his birth there was a calfe 
borne in the same Towne with a dubblq tongue, and 

'ohauing eares farre longer than anie asse, and his feete 
turned backward, like certaine people of the Tartars^ that 
neuertheles are reasonable swift 

In the houre of his birth there was a most darksome 
Eclipse, as though hel and heauen about a consultation 

H of an etemall league had met together. 

Those that calculated his natiuitie said that Saturne and 
the Moone (either of which is the causer of madnesse) were 
melancholy conio)md tc^ether (contrarie | to all course of K 3 
Astronomie) when into the world hee was produced. About 

30 his lips, euen as about Dums ship, there flocked a swarme 
of waspes, as soone as euer he was laid in his cradle. 
Scarce nine yeres of age he attaind too, when, by 
engrossing al ballets that came to anie Market or Faire 
there-abouts, he aspired to bee as desperate a ballet-maker 

35 as the best of them ; the first frutes of his Poetrie beeing 
a pittifull Dittie in lamentation of the death of a Fellow 

31 cradle] Coll., Gro. : cradles Q. 35 them. The Q., ColL, Gro. 



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64 HAVE WITH YOV 

that, at Queene Maries coronation, came downward, with 
his head on a rope, from the Spyre of Powles steeple, 
and brake his necke. Afterward he exercised to write 
certaine graces in ryme dogrell, and verses vppon euerie 
Month, manie of which are yet extant in Primers and 5 
Almanackes, His father, with the extreame ioy of his 
towardnesse, wept infinitely, and prophecide he was too 
forward witted to Hue long. His Schoole-master neuer 
heard him peirse or conster but he cryde out O acumen 
Carneadum! O decus addiie diuis! and swore by Susen^ 10 
broius and Taleus that he would prooue another Philo 
ludxus for knowledge and deep iudgment, who in Philo- 
Sophie was preferd aboue Plato \ and bee a more rare 
Exchequer of the Muses than rich Gaza was for wealth, 
which tooke his name of Cambyses laying all his Treasure 15 
there, when hee went to make warre against Aegipt. 

By this time imagin him rotten ripe for the Vniuersitie, 
and that hee carries the poake for a messe of porredge in 
Christs Colledgex which I doo not vpbraid him with, as 
anie disparagement at all, since it is a thing euerie one ao 
that is Scholler of the House is ordinarily subiect vnto 
Ks^by turnes, but onely I thrust it in for a Peri-|phrasis of 
his admission or matriculation. I am sure you will 
bee glad to heare well of him, since hee is a youth of 
some hope and you haue been partly acquainted with 35 
his bringing vp. 

In sadnes I would be loath to discourage ye, but yet 
in truth (as truth is truth, and will out at one time or 
other, and shame the diuell) the coppie of his Tutors 
Letter to his father I will shew you, about his carriage 30 
and demeanour; and yet I will not positiuely affirme it 
his Tutors Letter neither, and yet you maye gather more 
than I am willing to vtter, and what you list not beleeue 
referre to after Ages, euen as Paulus louius did in his 
lying praises of the House of Medices^ or the importunate 35 
Dialogue twixt Charles the fifth and him, of Expedire 
36 Fifth ColL, Cro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 65 

te oportei^ & par are calamos: or his tempestuous thunder- 
bolt Inuectiue against Selivms. 

The Letter oi Harueys Tutor to his Father, 
as touching his manners and behauior. 

5 Emanuell. 

S/r, Grace and peace vnto you premised. So it is, that 
your Sonne you haue committed to my charge is of a 
passing forward carriage^ & profiteth very soundly. 

Carnead: That is, beares himselfe very forward on his 
f o tip-toes, (as he did euer,) & profits or battles soundly, and 
is a youth of a good size. 

Letter, 
Great expectation we haue of him^ that hee will proue an 
other Corax or Lacedemonian Ctesiphon for Rhethorique, 
15 who was banisht because he vaunted he could talke a whole 
day ofanie things \ 

Benti: I would our Gurmo Hidruntum were like-wiseK4 
banisht with him ; for he can hotch-potch whole Decades 
vp of nothing, and talks idlely all his life time. 

ao Letter, 

and not much inferiour to Demosthenes, Aeschines, 

Demades, or the melodious recording Muse of Italy, 

Cornelius Musa, Bishop of Bitonto, or the yet liuing melli^ 

fluous Pancarola, who is said to cast out spirites by his 

i^powerfull diuine eloquence, 

Camead: The spirit of foolery out of this Archibald 
Rupenrope he shall neuer be able to cast, were the Nectar 
of his eloquence a thousand times more superabundant 
incessant sourding. 

30 Letter. 

When I record {as I doo often) the strange vntraffiqu't 
phrases by him new vented and vnpackt, as of incendarie 
for fire^ an illuminarie for a candle cmd lant-home^ an 

16 thin^. Q. 17 BetUiu: c.w, 

III F 



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66 HAVE WITH YOV 

indument for a cloakey an vnder foote abiect for a shooe 
or a booUy then I am readie {with Erasmus) to cry, Sancte 
Socrates, or {with Aristotle) Ens entium miserere mei! 
what an ingeny is heeret O, his conceipt is most delicate, 
and that right well he apprehendeth^ hauing alreadieh 
proposed high matters for it to worke on. For, stealing 
into his Study by chance the other dcg^, there I found 
diuers Epistles and Orations, purposely directed and pre* 
pared, c^ if he had been Secretarie to her Maiestie for 
the Latine tongue ; or, against such a place should fall, lo 
he would be sure not to be vnprouided: as also hee had 
furnisht himself e (as if he made no question to be the 
Vniuersitie Orator) for all Congratulations, Funerall 
Elegiacall condolments of the death of such and such a 
Doctor in Cambridge, and, which is more^ of euerie Priuy '5 
K 4"^ CounA^ailour in England. You are no Scholler, & there- 
fore little know what belongs to it, but if you heard him 
how sacredly hee ends euerie sentence with esse posse 
videatur, j/^7« would {like those that arriue in the Phillipinas, 
opprest with sweete odors) forget you are mortall, and»> 
imagine your selfe no where but in Paradice. Some there 
be (I am not ignorant) that^ vpon his often bringing it in 
at the end of euerie period^ call him by no other name 
but esse posse videatur : but they are such as were neuer 
endenizond in so much arte as Similiter Desinens, andn 
know not the true vse ^Numerus Rhetoricus. So vpon 
his first manumission in the mysterie of Logique, because 
he obseru*d Ergo was the deadly clap of the peece, or 
drill n home stab of the Syllogisme^ hee accustomed to 
make it the Fdburden to anie thing hee spake ; As, if anie s^ 
of his companions complained hee was hungrie, hee would 
straight conclude Ergo you must goe to dinner ; or if the 
clocke had stroke or bell towld, Ei^o you must goe to such 
a Lecture ; or if anie stranger said he came to seeke such 
a one, and desired him he would shew him which was his 35 
chamber, he would foorthwith come vpon him with Ergo 
he must go vp such a paire of stair es : whereupon {for a 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 67 

great while) he was cold nothing but GabrieJL Ergo vp 
and downe the CoUedge. But a scoff e which longer dwelt 
with him than the rest, though it argued his :ixireame 
pregnancie of capacitie and argute transpersing dexteritie 

5 of ParadoxisnUy was that once he would needs defend a 
Rat to be Animal rationale, that is, to haue as reasonable 
a soule as anie Academick, because she eate and gnawd 
his bookes^ and, except she carried a braine with her, she 
could neuer digest or be so capable of learning. And the 

to more to confirme it, because euerie one laught at him 
for a common Mounte-\banke Rat-catcher about it, the^^ 
next rat he seazd on hee made an Anatomic of, and read 
a lecture of ). dctyes long vpon euerie artire or musckle in 
her, and after hangd her ouer his head in his studie, in 

15 stead of an Apothecaries Crocodile, or dride Alligatur. / 
haue not yet mentiond his Poetrie, wherein hee surmounteth 
and dismounteth the most heroycallest Countes Mountes 
of that Craft ; hauing writ verses in all kindes, as in 
forme of a poire of gloues, a dozen of points, a poire of 

^^ spectacles, a two-hand sword, a poynado, a Colossus, a 
Pyramide, a Painters eaziU, a market-crosse, a trumpet, 
an anchor y a paire of pot-hookes ; yet I can see no Authors 
he hath, more than his owne naturall Genius or Minenia, 
except it bee Haue with ye to Florida, The storie of Axercs 

95 and the worthie Iphijs, As I went to Walsingham, and 
In Creete when Dedalus, a song that is to him food from 
heauen, and more transporting and rauishing than Platoes 
Discourse of the immortalitie of the soule was to Cato, who, 
with the verie ioy he conceiud from reading thereof wold 

30 needs let out his soule, and so stabd himselfe, Aboue 
Homers or all mens workes whosoeuer he doth prize it, laying 
it vnder his pillow {like Homers works) euery night, and 
carrying it in his bosome {next his heart) euerie day. From 
the generall Discourse of his vertues let mee digresse, 

35 and informe you of some few fragments of his vices ; as, 
like a Church and an ale-house, God and the diuell, they 
manie times dwell neere together. Memorandum, his 

F 2 



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68 HAVE WITH YOV 

laundresse complaines of him that hee is mightie fleshly 
giuetiy and that there had lewdnespast betwixt her daughter 
and him, if she had not luckely preuented it by searching 
her daughters pockety wherein she found a little epitomizd 

L i'^ Bradfords Meditations, no broader V0'\lum^d than a Seale 5 
at Armes or a blacke melancholy veluet patchy and a three^ 
pennie pamphlet of The Fall of man he had bestowed on her^ 
that he might stow her vnder hatches in his study ^ & do 
what he wold with her. In a wast white leafe of one of 
which bookes he had writ for his sentence or posie, Nox & 10 
amor, as much to say as, Oyfor a pre tie wench in the darke ; 
and vnderneathy Non sunt sine viribus artus. If thou comst^ 
old lasse^ I will tickle thee : and in the other ^ Leue fit quod 
bene fertur onus, that is, we must beare with one another, 
and Fcelices quibus vsus adest, vse in all things makes 15 
perfect. Secondly, he is, beyond all reason or Gods forbod^ 
distractedly enamour d of his own beautie, spending a whole 
forenoone euerie day in spunging and licking himself e by the 
glasse ; and vseth euerie night after supper to wcUke on the 
market hill to shew himself e, holding his gown vp to his ao 
middle, that the wenches may see what a fine leg and a 
dainty foote he hath in pumpes and pantoffles, and, if they 
giue him neuer so little an amorous regard, he presently 
boords them with a set speach of the first gathering together 
of societies, and the distinction of amor cmd amicitia out of 2^ 
TuUies Offices ; which if it work no effect & they laugh 
at, he will rather take a raison of the sunne, and weare it 
at his eare for afauor, than it should bee said hee would goe 
away emptie. Thirdly, he is verie seditious and mutinous 
in conuersation, picking quarrells with euerie man that will 30 
not magnifie and applaud him, libelling most execrably and 
inhumanely on lacke of the Falcon, for that he would not 
lend him a messe of mustard to his red herrings; yea, for a 
lesser matter than that, on the Colledge dog he libeld, onely 
because he proudly bare vp his taile as hee past by him, 35 

L a And fourthly and lastly^ he vseth often to be \ drunk with 
the sirrupe or broth of stewd prunes, and eateth more breads 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 69 

vnder pretence of swearing by ity than would serue a whole 
Band in the Low Countries. These are the least part of 
his veniall sinnes^ but I forbear him^ Gr proceed no further ^ 
because I loue him: only I wold wish you {being his father) 
5 at anie hand to warne hint of these matters priuately betwixt 
him andyoUy and againe and againe cry out vpon him to 
beware of pride ; which I more than fatally prophede will 
be his vtter ouer-throw. 

Yours assuredly, and so foorth, 
10 Johannes sine nomine^ Anno 

Domini what ye will. 

Camead: What is your censure ^ you that bee of the 
common counsaile; may this Epistle passe or no without a 
demurre or prouiso t 

'5 Consil: Passe in the way of pastime ^ and so foorth; it 
being no indecorum at all to the Comedie we haue in hand to 
admit Piers himself e for his Tutor y for if he proceed in the 
seuere discipline he hath begun^ he is like to humble him, and 
bring him to more goodnes than anie Tutor or Master he 

ao euer hcui since he was borne. 

Life. 

Leauing his childhood, which hath leaue or a lawe of 
priuiledge to be fond, & to come to the first prime of his 
pamphleting, which was much about the setting vp of the 

as Bull by Felton on the Bishop of Londons gate, or rather 
some prettie while before, when, for an assay or nice tast- 
ing of his pen, he capitulated on the births of monsters, 
horrible murders, and great burnings : and afterward, in 
the yeare when the earth-quake was, he fell to be a 

30 familiar Epistler, & made Powles Church-\yard resound or L a^ 
crie twang againe with foure notable famous Letters ; in 
one of which hee enterlaced his short but yet sharpe iudiciall 
of Earth-quakes, & came verie short and sharpe vppon my 
Lord of Oxford in a ratling bundle of English Hexameters. 

35 How that thriu'd with him some honest Chronicler helpc 



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70 HAVE WITH YOV 

me to remember, for it is not comprehended in my braines 
Diarie or Ephemerides : but this I can iustifie, that im- 
mediately vpon it he became a common writer of Alman- 
ackes. Tis meruaile if some of you, amongst your vnsati- 
able ouerturning of Libraries, haue not stumbled on such 5 
an approued architect of Calenders as Gabriel Frend^ the 
Prognosticator. That Frend I not a little suspect (if a 
man should take occasion to trye his Frend) would be 
found to bee no Frend^ but my constant approued mortall 
enemie, Gabriell Haruey. Well, I may say to you, it is a 10 
difficult rare thing in these dayes to finde a true Frend. 
But the probable reasons which driue me to cdiecture that 
it is a false Frend which deludes vs with these durtie 
astronomical! predictions, & that Gabriell Haruey is this 
Frend in a comer, which no man knowes of, be these that 15 
follow. First, he hath been noted, in manie companies 
where hee hath been, very suspitiously to vndermine, 
whither any man knew such a fellow as Gabriell Frend, the 
Prognosticator, or no ? or whether they euer heard of anie 
that euer saw him or knew him ? Wheretoo, when they ao 
all aunswered with one voyce, not guiltie to the seeing, 
hearing, or vnderstanding of anie such Starry Noune 
Substantiue, vp starts me he (like a proud school-master, 
when one of his Boyes hath made an Oration before 
a coimtrey Maior that hath pleasd) and bites the lip, and | as 
L 3 winkes and smiles priuily, and lookes pertly vpon it, as 
who should 3ay, cor Am quern queritis adsum: and, after 
some little coy bridling of the chin and nice simpring and 
wr5rthing his face 30. waies, tels them flatly that vppon his 
credit and knowledge (both which are hardly worth 30 
a candles end to helpe him to bed with) there is no such 
Quarter-master, or master of the 4. Quarters, or Writer in 
redde letters, as that supposed flower of Frend-ly curtesie, 
Gabriell Frend, the Prognosticator; but, to vse plaine 
dealing amongst frends, a frend of his it is he must coceale, 35 
who thoght good to shroud himselfe vnder that title. Now 

5 ouertumings Coll,, Gro, 33 frend-ly ColL : Frend-ly Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 71 

if ye will allow of my verdit in this behalfe, I hold vnusquts- 
que proximus ipse sibi^ euery man is the best Frend to 
himself, & that he himself, & no other, is that Frend of his 
he must conceale. The 2. argument that confirmes me in 
5 this strong article of my creede is, for none is priuy to 
a blank maintenance he hath, & some maintenSce of necessity 
he must haue, or else how can he maintaine his peak in 
true christendome of rose-water euerie morning ? By the 
ciuil law peraduenture you wil alleage he fetches it in : 

10 nay, therin ye are deceiud, fSr he hath no law for that. I 
will not deny but his mother may haue su'd in forma 
pauperis J but he neuer soilicited in form of papers in the 
Arches in his life. How then ? doth he fetch it aloft with 
his poetrie? Dii fadant laudis summa sit ista suae. 

15 I pray God he neuer haue better lands or liuing till he die. 
Shall I discharge my conscience, being no more than (on 
my soule) is most true ? The Printers and Stationers vse 
him as he wer the Homer of this age, for they say vnto 
him, Si nihil attuleris^ ibis^ Homere^ for as; Haruey^ if ye 

ao bring no mony in your purse, ye get no books printed here. | 
Euen for the printing of this logger-head L^end of lyes, L 3V 
which now I am wrapping vp hot spices in, hee ran in debt 
with Wolfe, the Printer, 36. pound & a blue coate which 
he borrowed for his man, and yet Wolfe did not so much 

as as brush it when hee lent it him, or presse out the print 
where the badge had been. The Storie at large a leafe or 
two hence you shall heare. The last refuge and sanctuarie 
for his exhibition (after his lands, law, & poetrie are 
confiscated) is to presume he hath some priuy benefactors 

30 or patrons that holde him vp by the chin. What hee hath . 
had of late my intelligence failes me, but, for a number of 
yeares past, I dare confidently depose, not a bit nor cue of 
anie benefactor or patron he had, except the Butler or 
Manciple of Trinitie Hall {which are both one) that trusted 

35 him for his commons & sizing ; so that when I haue toyled 
the vtmost that I can to saue his credite and honestie, the 

II in Q. 17 tnief The] ColL, Gro, : true, the Q. 



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7a HAVE WITH YOV 

best wit-craft I can turn him too, to get three pence 
a weeke and keepe the paper soales and vpper leather of 
his pantoffles together, is to write Prognostications and 
Almanackes ; and that alone hath beene, and must bee, his 
best Philosophers Stone till hys last destiny. 5 

I was sure, I was sure at one time or other I should take 
him napping. O etemall iest (for Gods sake helpe me to 
laugh): What, a graue Doctor a base lohn Doleta, the 
Almanack-maker, Doctor Deuse-ace and Doctor Mery-man ? 
Why, from this day to proceed, He neuer goe into Powles *« 
Church-yard to enquire for anie of his workes, but (where 
euer I come) looke for them behinde the doore, or on the 
backe-side of a screene (where Almanackes are set vsually), 
L 4 or at a Barbers or | Chandlers shop neuer to misse of them. 
A maker of Almanackes, quoth a, Grod forgiue me, they are ^5 
readier money than Ale and cakes, and are more familiar 
read than TuUies familiar Epistles, or the Discourse of 
Debitor & Creditor, especially of those that ordinary write 
Letters, or haue often occasion to paye money. They are 
the verie Dialls of dayes, the Sunnes ghesses, and the ^^ 
Moones months-mind Here in London streets, if a man 
haue busines to enquire for anie bodie, and he is not well 
acquainted with the place, he goes filthely halperii^, and 
asking, cap in hand, from one shop to another, where's such 
a house and such a signe? But if we haue busines to speak ^5 
with anie in the skie, buy but one of Gabriell Frend or 
Gabriell Harueys Almanacks, and you shall carry the signe 
& house in your pockets, whether lupiters house, Satumes 
house. Mars hys house, Venus house, or anie hot-house or 
baudy house of them all. To conclude, not the poorest 3o 
walking-mate, or thred-bare cut-purse in a countrey, that 
can well be without them, be it but to know the Faires & 
Markets when they fall : & against who dare I will vphold 
it that theres no such necessarie Book of common places in 
the earth as it, as for example, From London to Yorke^ 35 
from Yorke to Barwicke^ and so backwardes. It is a 
8 What a Coll., Gro, Doctor, a Q, Coll., Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 73 

strange thing I should be so skilful! in Phisiognomie and 
neuer studied it I alwaies saw in the Doctors countenaunce 
he greedily hunted after the high way to honour, and was 
a busie Chronicler of high wayes, he had such a number of 
5 vgly wrinckled high wayes in his visage. But the time was, 
when he would not haue giuen his head for the washing, 
and would haue tooke foule scome that the best of them 
all should haue out-|faced him. I haue a tale at my tungs ^ 4"^ 
end, if I can happen vppon it, of his hobby-horse reuelling 

'o & dominering at Audley-end^ when the Queene was there : 
to which place Gabriell (to doo his countrey more worship 
& glory) came ruffling it out, huffty tuffty, in his suite of 
veluet. There be the in Cambridge that had occasion to 
take note of it, for he stood noted or scoard for it in their 

15 bookes manie a faire day after : and, if I take not my 
markes amisse, Rauen^ the botcher by Pembrook-hal, 
(whether he be aliue or dead I know not,) was as priuie 
to it, euerie patch of it from top to toe, as hee that 
made it ; and if euerie one would but mend one as often as 

ao hee hath mended that, the world would bee by 300. parts 
honester than it is: yet, be he of the mending hand neuer 
so, and Gabriell neuer able to make him amends, he may 
blesse the memorie of that wardrope, for it will be a good 
while ere hee meete with the like customer as it was to 

n him at least 14. yere together, falling into his hands twice 
a yeare, as sure as a club, before euery Batchelors and 
Masters Commensment, or, if it were aboue, it was 
a generall Item to all the Vniuersitie that the Doctor had 
some ierking Hexameters or other shortly after to passe 

30 the stampe, hee neuer in all his life (till lately he fel 
a wrangling with his sister in law) hauing anie other busines 
at London. The rotten mould of that worme-eaten relique 
(if hee were well searcht) he weares yet, meaning when he 
dies to hang it ouer his tombe for a monument : and in the 

35 meane time, though it is not his lucke to meete with euer 
a substantiall baudie case (or booke case) that carries rem 
8 him] bf ColL^ Gro, \ om,aC 9 hobby-horse-reaelling C^//., Gro, 



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74 HAVE WITH YOV 

in re, meate in the mouth in it, (A miserable intolierable 
M I case, when a yong fellow & a yong wench cannot | put the 
case together, and doc with their owne what they list, 
but they shalbe put to their booke to confesse, and be 
hideously perplext,) yet I say daily and hourely doth he 5 
deale vpon the case notwithstanding. You wil imagine it 
a fable percase which I shall tell you, but it is x. times 
more vnfallible thS the newes of the lewes rising vp in 
armes to take in the Land of promise, or the raining of 
come this Summer at Wakefield. A Gentleman (long 10 
agoe) lent him an old veluet saddle, which when he had no 
vse for, since no man else would trust him for a bridle, and 
that he was more accustomed to be ridden than to ride, 
what does me he, but, deeming it a verie base thing for one 
of his standing in the Vniuersity to be said to be yet 15 
dunsing in Sadolet^ & with all scorning his chamber shuld 
be employd as an ostry presse to lay vp iades riding 
iackets and trusses in, presently vntrusseth & pelts the out- 
side from the lining, and, vnder benedicite here in priuate 
be it spoken, dealt verie cunningly and couertly in the case, ao 
for widi it he made him a case or couer, for a dublet, which 
hath cased and couerd his nakednes euer since ? and, to tell 
yee no lye, about two yeare and a halfe past hee creditted 
Newgate with the same metamorphized costly vestiment. 
As good cheape as it was deliuerd to mee (at the second 25 
hand) you haue it. NU habeo prdtter auditum^ I was not 
at the cutting it out, nor will I binde your consciences too 
strictly to embrace it for a truth, but if my iudgement 
might stand for vp, it is rather likely to be true than fisdse^ 
since it vanisht inuisible and was neuer heard of : and 30 
besides, I cannot deuise how he should behaue him to 
consume such an implement, if he cofiscated it not to that 
M x^ vse, neither lending it away | nor selling it ; nor how hee 
should otherwise thrust hlmselfe into such a moth-eaten 
weed, hauing neyther money nor frends to procure it 35 
Away, away, neuer hauke nor pause vpon it, for without all 

13 Uian to to ride Q. ai coaer, for] CoU^ Gro. : cooer for Q, 



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TO SAFFRON- WALDEN 75 

par-anters it is 30 ; and let them tattle and prate till their 
tongues ake, were there a thousand more of them, and they 
should set their wit to his, he would make them set besides 
the saddle, euen as he did the Gentleman. A man in hjrs 

f case hath no other shift, or apparaile, which you will, but 
he must thus shift other-while for his lining, especially 
lining quiet as he dooth without anie Crosses (in his purse 
subaudi) and being free from all couetous incumbraunces : 
yet in my shallow foolish conceipt, it were a great deale 

10 better for him if he were not free, but crost soundly, 
& cdmitted prisoner to the Tower, where perhaps once in 
his life he might be brought to look vpon the Queenes coine 
in the Mynt> & not thus be alwaies abroad and neuer within, 
like a b^er. I must b^ patience of you, thogh I haue 

15 been somwhat too tedious in brushing his veluet, but the 
Court is not yet remou'd from Audley end, and we shall 
come time enough thether to leame what rule he keepes. 

There did this our Talatamtana or Doctour Hum thrust 
himselfe into the thickest rankes of the Noblemen and 

90 Gallants, and whatsoeuer they were arguing of, he would 
not misse to catch hold of, or strike in at the one end, and 
take the theame out of their mouths, or it should goe hard. 
In selfe same order was hee at his pretie toyes and amorous 
^unces and purposes with the Damsells, & putting baudy 

35 riddles vnto them. In fine, some Disputations there were, 
and he made an Oration before the Maids of Honour, and 
not before | her Maiestie, as heretofore I misinformedly set M a 
down, beginning thus : 

Nux, mulier, asinus simili sunt lege ligata, 
30 Hsec tria nill recti faciunt, si verbera desunt, 

A nut, a woman, and an asse are like. 

These three doo nothing right, except you strike. 

Camead: He would haue had the Maids of Honor 
tkriftely cudgeld belike, andlambeakt one after another. 
35 Respond : They vnder stood it not so. 

30 nil ColL 



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76 HAVE WITH YOV 

Bentiu : No^ I thinke so ^ for they vnder stood it not at all, 
Consil : Or^ if they had^ they would haue dritin him to 
his guard. 

Carnead : Or had the Guard driu'n him downe the 
staires^ with Deiu vous garde, Monsieur, goe and prate in 5 
theyardy Don Pedant, there is no place for you here. 

Life. 

The proces of that Oration was of the same woofe and 
thrid with the banning : demurely and maidenly scoffing, 
and blushingly wantoning & making loue to those soft lo 
skind soules & sweete Nymphes of Helicon, betwixt a 
kinde of carelesse rude ruffianisme and curious finicall 
complement; both which hee more exprest by his counten- 
ance than anie good lests that hee vttered. This finished, 
(though not for the finishing or pronouncing of this,) by '5 
some better frends than hee was worthie of, and that 
afterward found him vnworthie of the graces they had 
bestowed vpon him, he was brought to kisse the Queenes 
hand, and it pleased her Highnes to say (as in my former 
Booke I haue cyted) that he lookt some^ing like an Italian. ^^ 
No other incitement he needed to rouze his plumes, pricke 
M a^ vp his I eares, and run away with the bridle betwixt his 
teeth, and take it vpon him, (of his owne originall ingrafted 
disposition theretoo he wanting no aptnes ;) but now he 
was an insulting Monarch aboue Monarcha^ the Italian, ^5 
that ware crownes on his shooes; and quite renounst his 
naturall English accents & gestures, & wrested himselfe 
wholy to the Italian puntilios, speaking our homely Hand 
tongue strangely, as if he were but a raw practitioner in 
it, & but ten dales before had entertained a schoole-master 30 
to teach him to pronounce it. Ceremonies of reuerence 
to the greatest States (as it were not the fashion of his 
cuntray) he was very parsimonious and niggardly of, & 
would make no bones to take the wall of Sir Philip Sidney 
and another honourable Knight (his companion) about 35 
4 Qy, read driue t 33 him ; (of |? : him (of Coll,, Gro. 24 aptnet) bat Q, 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 77 

Court yet attending ; to whom I wish no better fortune 
than the fore lockes of Fortune he had hold of in his youth, 
& no higher fame than hee hath purchast himselfe by his 
pen ; being the first (in our language) I haue encountred, 

5 that repurified Poetrie from Arts pedantisme, & that 
instructed it to speake courtly. Our Patron, our Phcebus^ 
our first Orpheus or quintessence of inuention he is ; wher- 
fore, either let vs iointly inuent some worthy subiect to 
eternize him, or let Warre call back Barbarisme from the 

10 Danes y Pictes^ and Saxons^ to suppres our frolicke spirits, 
and the least sparke of more eleuated sence amongst vs 
finally be quenched and die, ere we can set vp brazen 
Fillers for our Names and Sciences, to preserue them from 
the Deluge of Ignorance. But to retume from whence I 

15 haue strayd, Dagobert Coppenhagen in his iollitie per- 
sisteth; is Halle fellowe well met with those that looke 
highest ; and, to cut it off | in three syllables, follows the M 3 
traine of the delicatest fauorites and minions, which by 
chaunce being withdrawne a mile or two off, to one Master 

^oBradburieSy where the late deceased Countesse of Barbie 
was then harbinged, after supper they fell to dansing, euery 
one choosing his mate as the custome is ; in a trice so 
they shuffled the cards of purpose (as it wer to plague him 
for his presumption) that, will he nill, he must tread the 

35 measures about with the foulest vgly gentlewoman or fury 
that might be, (then wayting on the foresaid Countesse,) 
thrice more deformed than the woman with the home in 
her head. A tume or two hee mincingly pac't with her about 
the roome, & solemnly kist her at the parting : Since which 

3okisse of that squinteyd Lamia or Gorgon^ as if she had 
been another Circe to transforme him, he hath not one 
houre beene his owne man. For whilst yet his lips smoakt 
with the steame of her scortching breath, that partcht his 
beard like sun-burnt grasse in the Dog-dayes, he ran head- 

a forelockes Coll,, Gro, 6 Phmbus Q. iA that will he oill he 

must Q : that, will he nill he, most Coll. : that will he nill, he most Gro, Qy, 
read that, will he nill he, he must / 25 foolest foulest Q, 



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78 HAVE WITH YOV 

long violently to his study as if he had bin born with a 
whirl-winde, and strait knockt me vp together a Poem calde 
his Aedes Valdinenses, in pra)rse of my L. of Leycester^ of 
his kissing the Queenes hand, and of her speech & com- 
parison of him, how he lookt like an Italian : what vidi t 5 
sayth he in one place ; Did I see her Maiesty ? quoth a, 
Imo^ vidi ipse loquenUm cum Sm^o^ I saw her conferring 
with no worse man then Master Snagge. The bungerliest 
vearses they were that euer were scande, beeing most of 
them bought and cut off by the knees out of Virgill and 10 
other Authors. This is a patteme of one of them, Wodde^ 
miusque tuusque suusque Britannorutnque suorumque^ run- 
M 3^ ning through all the Pro-|nounes in it, and iumpe imitating 
a verse in As in presenii^ or in the demeanes or adiacents, 
I am certaine. I had foigot to obserue vnto you, out of 15 
his first foure familiar Epistles, his ambicious stratagem to 
aspire, that whereas two great Pieres beeing at iarre, and 
their quarrell continued to bloudshed, he would needs, vn- 
cald and when it lay not in his way, steppe in on the one 
side, which indeede was the safer side (as the foole is crafty ao 
inough to sleepe in a whole skin) and hewe and slash widi 
his Hexameters; but hewd and slasht he had beene as 
small as chippings, if he had not playd ducke Fryer and 
hid himselfe eight weeks in that Noblemans house for whome 
with his pen hee thus bladed. Yet neuerthelesse Syr lames as 
a Crafty theolde Controwler, ferrited him out, and had him 
vnder hold in the Fleete a great while, taking that to be 
aimde & leueld against him, because he cald him his olde 
Controwler, which he had most venomously belched against 
Doctour Feme. Vppon his humble submission, and ample 30 
exposition of the ambiguous Text, and that his foremen- 
tioned Mecenas mediation, matters were dispenst with and 
quallified, & some light countenance, like sunshine after a 
storme, it pleased him after this to let fall vppon him, and 
so dispatcht him to spurre Cut backe againe to Cambridge. 35 
Where, after his arriuall, to his associates and companions 

5, 7 vidi\ vide Q, Corr. in Errata on X 3^ 31 that [at] hit CoU.y Gro, 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 79 

he priuatly vaunted what redoubled rich brightnes to his 
name this short eclipse had brought, and that it had more 
dignified and raisd him than all his endeuours from his 
childhood. With such incredible applause and amazement 

5 of his Judges hee bragd hee had cleard himselfe^ that euery 
one that was there ran to him and embrast him, and shortly 
hee I was promist to be cald to high preferm^t in court, M 4 
not an ace lower than a Secretariship, or one of the Clarks 
of the CouncelL Should I explaine to you howe this 

10 wrought with him, and howe, in the itching heate of this 
hopefull golden worlde and. hony moone, the ground would 
no longer beare him, but to Sturbridge Fayre, and vp and 
downe Cambridge, on his foot-cloth maiestically he would 
pace it, with manie moe raadde trickes of youth nere plaid 

15 before ; in stead of making his heart ake with vexing, I 
should make yours burst with laughing. Doctor Perm in 
this plight nor at anie other time euer met him, but he would 
shake his hand and crie Vanitas vaniiatum, omnia vanitas^ 
Vanitie of vanities, and all things is vanitie. 

90 His father he vndid to furnish him to the Court once 
more, where presenting himselfe in all the coulours of the 
raine-bow, and a paire of moustachies like a black horse 
tayle tyde vp in a knot, with two tuffts sticking out on 
each side, he was askt by no meane personage, Vnde hsec 

t$insamaf whence proceedeth this folly or madnes ? & 
he replied with that wether-beaten peice of a verse out of 
the Grammer, Semel insaniuinms omnes, once in our dayes 
there is none of vs but haue plaid the ideots ; and so was 
he counted and bad stand by for a Nodgscombe. He 

30 that most patronizd him, prying more searchingly into him, 
and finding that he was more meete to make sport with 
than anie way deeply to be employd, with faire words 
shooke him of, & told him he was fitter for the Vniuersitie 
tha for the Court or his tume, and so bad God prosper his 

35 studies, & sent for another Secretarie to Oxford, 

Readers, be merry ; for in me there shall want no-|thing M 4"^ 

3 from his Q. 



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8o HAVE WITH YOV 

I can doo to make you merry. You see I haue brought 
the Doctor out of request at Court, & it shall cost me a 
fall but I will get him howted out of the Vniuersitie too, 
ere I giue him ouer. What will you giue mee when I bring 
him vppon the Stage in one of the principallest Colledges 5 
in Cambridge} Lay anie wager with me, and I will ; or, 
if you laye no wager at all, He fetch him aloft in Pedantius^ 
that exquisite Comedie in Trinitie Colledge ; where, vnder 
the cheife part, from which it tooke his name, as namely 
the concise and firking finicaldo fine School-master, hee 10 
was full drawen & delineated from the soale of the foote to 
the crowne of his head. The iust manner of his phrase in 
his Orations and Disputations they stufit his mouth with, 
& no Buffianisme throughout his whole bookes but they 
bolsterd out his part with ; as those ragged remnaunts in 15 
his foure familiar Epistles twixt him and Senior Immerito^ 
Raptim scripta^ Nosti manum & stylum^ with innumerable 
other of his rabble routs : and scoffing his Musarum 
Lachrymx with Flebo amorem meum^ etiam Musarum 
lachrymis; which, to giue it his due, was a more collachry- 20 
mate wretched Treatise than my Piers Pennilesse^ being 
the pittifullest pangs that euer anie mans Muse breathd 
foorth. I leaue out halfe ; not the carrying vp of his 
gowne, his nice gate on his pantoffles, or the affected 
accent of his speach, but they personated. And if I 25 
should reueale all, I thinke they borrowd his gowne to 
playe the Part in, the more to flout him. Let him denie 
this (and not damne himsdfe) for his life, if hee can. Let 
him denie that there was a Shewe made at Clare-hall of 
him and his two Brothers, called, | 30 

N I Tarrarantantara turba tumultuosa Trigonum^ 

Tri'Harueyorum^ Tri-harmania, 
Let him denie that there was another Shewe made of thelittle 
Minnow his Brother, Dodrans Dicke^ at Peter-house^ called. 

Duns furens. Dick Haruey in a frensie. 35 

Whereupon Dick came and broke the Colledge glasse 
a I PenniUsse Q, 36 Whereopon . . .] New par, Coll,^ Gro^ 



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TO SAFFRON- WALDEN 8i 

wiodowes ; and Doctor Perne (being then either for himselfe 
or Deputie Vice-chancellour) caused him to be fetcht in 
and set in the Stockes till the Shew was ended, and a 
great part of the night after. 
5 The first motiue or caller foorth of Gabriels English 
Hexameters was his falling in loue with Kate Cotton, and 
Widdowes his wife, the Butler of Saint Johns, And this 
was a rule inuiolate amongst the fratemitie of them, 
Gabriell was alwayes in loue, Dick still in hate, either with 

lo Aristotle^ or with the great Beare in the firmament, which 
he continually ba)rted; or with Religion, against which 
in the publique Schooles he set vp Atheistical Questions, 
and besides compared his beard so Porphirian blasphem- 
ously, as I am afraid the Earth would swallow me, if I 

IS should but rehearse. It fell to my lot to haue the perusing 
of a letter of his to Doctor Fuike, then lying at a Preachers 
house neere Criplegate in London, as touching his whole 
persecution by the Fellowes of the House about it, & how, 
except he had mercie on him, he were expulst and cast 

ao awaye without redemption. 

The third Brother {lohti) had almost as ill a name as the 
Spittle in Shorditch, for the olde reakes hee kept | with N i^ 
the wenches in Queems CoUedge Lane ; and if M. Wathe, 
his ancient ouer-wharter (betwixt whom & him there was 

<5 such deadly emulation), had bin fumisht with those instruc- 
tions therof which I could haue lent him, he had put him 
downe more handsmoothe than he did, though at a Com- 
mensment dinner in Queems Colledge (as apparantly as 
might be) he graueld and set a ground both him and his 

30 brother Gabienus. This lohn was hee that beeing entertaind 
in Justice Meades House (as a Schoole-master) stole away 
his daughter, and, to pacifie him, dedicated to him an 
Almanacke ; which daughter (or Johns wife), since his death, 
Gabriel (vnder pretence of taking out an Administration, 

35 according as she in euery Court exclaimes) hath gone about 
to drcumuent of al she hath : to the which efiect (about 3. 
yere agoe) there were three Declarations put vp against 
m G 



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8a HAVE WITH YOV 

htm, & a little while after I heard there were Attachments 
out for him : whether he hath compounded since or no, 
I leaue to the lurie to enquire. 

Pigmey Dicke aforesaid, that lookes like a pound of 
Gold-smiths candles, is such another Venerian steale Pla- 5 
card as lohn was, being like to commit folly the last yearc 
in the House where he kept (as a frend of his verie soberly 
informd me) with a Milke-maid ; & if there had not bin 
more gouemm^t in her than in him (for all his diuinitiship), 
the thing you wote of, the blowe that neuer smarteth had 10 
been strooke, and she carried away to Saffran-walden ; he 
sending for her to one Philips his house, at the signe of the 
Bel in Bromley ^ & there feasting her to that end. Fast 
and pray, luxurious Vicar, to keepe vnder thy vnruly 
members, and wrap thee in a Monkes Cowle, which (they 15 
N a say) is good to mortifie ; | or drinke of the water of iSaint 
lues, by lohn Bale (out of Romish Authors) produced to be 
good against the temptations of the petticoate ; or (which 
exceedeth them both) trie Master Candishes Roote hee 
brought out of the Indies, giu'n him by a venerable Hermit, so 
with this probatum est or vertue, that he which tasted it 
should neuer lust after ; by that token he could meet with 
none about Court or in London, that was content to be an 
Eunuch for the Kingdome of Heauen, or lou'd his pleasure 
so little as to venture vpon it. I haue not yet seald and 25 
shakt hands with him for making two such false Prophets 
of Satume & Jupiter, out of whose tumbling in the darke 
and coniunction copulatiue he denounced such Oracles 
and alterations to ensue, as if (like another Thebit BencoreU) 
he had liu'd 40. yere in a mountain to disceme the motion 30 
of the e^hth Orbe : but as he (for all his labour) could not 
attaine to it, no more could Dick (with his predictions) 
compasse anie thing but derision, being publiquely preacht 
against for it at Powles Crosse by the Bishop of London 
that then was, who (according to Arte, if such a Coniunc- z% 
tion had chanc'd) disproou'd the reuolutions to bee cleane 

IS to to one Q. 



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TO SAFFRON- WALDEN 83 

contrarie; and besides, a singular SchoUer, one Master 
Heathy (a Follower of the right Honorable and worthie 
Lord of Hunsdon that now is,) set vpon it, and answered it 
m Print, pell mell, cape a pee, by probable reason, and out 

5 of all Authors perspicuously demonstrating what a l3ang 
Ribaden and Chincklen Kraga it was, to constellate and 
plannet it so portentously. I am none of the Cashiers 
or Prouiditores for lame Souldiours or Men of desert, but 
were I one, as the Athenians (in the noblest Schoole of 

10 their Academy) erected to Berosus^, the | Astrologer, a N a^ 
Statue with a golden tongue, for his predictions were true, 
so wold I largely disburse toward the building him a 
Statue on Sophisters Hills by Camtru^e^ with a tongue 
of copper or ockamie (neerely counterfetting siluer) such as 

IS organe pipes & serieants maces are made of, because his 
predictions are false & erronious. And so lightly are all 
the trade of them, neuer foretokening or fore-telling anie 
thing till after it be come to passe : and then, if it bee a 
Warrior or Conqueror they would flatter, who is luckie and 

•o succesfull in his enterprises, they say he is borne vnder the 
auspicious Signe of Cafiricome, as Cardan saith Cosmo di 
Medices, Selimus^ Charles the fifth, and Charles Duke of 
Burbon were ; albeit, I dare be swome, no wizardly Astro- 
nomer of them all euer dreamd of anie such Calculations, 

sstill they had shewd themselues so victorious, and their 
prosperous raignes were quite expired. On the other side, 
if he be disastrous or retrograde in h}rs courses, the maleuo- 
lent Starres of Medusa and Andromeda^ inferring suddaine 
death or banishment, predominated his natiuitie. But (I 

ao thank heauen) I am none of their credulous disciples, nor 
can they cousen or seduce me with anie of their iugling 
coniecturalls, or winking or tooting throgh a six penny 
lacobs Staff e ; their spels, their characters, their anagrams, 
I haue no more perswasion of, than I am perswaded that 

S5 vnder the inuers<^ denomination or anagram of this Word 
September (as some of our late Deuines and aundent 
a HooraUe Q. 31 they they Q, 



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84 HAVE WITH YOV 

Hebrue Rabbines would enforce vpon vs) is included the 
certaine time of the Worlds first Creation; or that he 
which is bom under Aries shall neuer goe in a thrid bare 

N 3 cloake, or be troubled with the rheume, because | the Sunne» 
arriuing in that Poynt, cloatheth the Earth with a new 5 
fleece, and sucks vp all the Winters superfluous moysture; 
or that he which is borne vnder Libra shall bee a ludge or 
lustice of Peace, because the Sunne in that Signe equally 
poyzeth the daies & nights alike. Heilding Dicke (this our 
Ages Albumazar) is a temporist that hath faith inough for 10 
all Religions, euen as Thomas Deloney^ the Balletting 
Silke-weauer, hath rime inough for all myracles, & wit to 
make a Garland of good will more than the premisses, with 
an Epistle of Momus and Zoylus ; whereas his Muse, from 
the first peeping foorth, hatfi stood at Liuery at an Ale- 15 
house wispe, neuer exceeding a penny a quart, day nor 
night, and this deare yeare, together with the silencing of 
his looms, scarce that; he being constrained to betake 
him to carded Ale: whence it proceedeth that, since 
Candlemas or his ligge o{ John for the Kingy not one merrie 30 
Dittie will come from him, but The Thunder-bolt against 
Swearers y Repent, England, repent^ & The strange iudge- 
ments of God No more will there from Dick quibus in 
terris^ Dick, Pastor of Cheselhurst, that was wont to pen 
Gods iudgements vpon such and such and one, as thicke as 15 
Water-men at Westminster bridge. The miracles of the 
burning of Brustur with his Wench in adulterie he writ 
for Binneman ; which a villaine {Brusturs owne kinsman) 
long afterward at the Gallowes tooke vppon him, and 
shewed what Ninnies a vayne Pamphleter (one Richard to 
Haruey) had made of the world, imputing it to such a 
wonderfuU vengeance of adulterie, when it was nought but 
his murdrous knauerie. Dead sure they are in writing 
against the dead ; dauncing Moriscoes & Laualtoes on 

N 3^ the silent Graues | of Plato^ Buchanan, Sinesius, Pierius^ S5 
Aristotle, & the whole Petigree of the Peripatecians^ 
Sophisters, & Sorbonists, the most of whose mouthes clods 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 85 

had bungd vp manie Olimpiades since, yet seeke they to 
stifle and choak them again with waste paper ; when ^n 
thys innouating selfe-loue Age) it is disputable whether 
they haue anie frends or no left to defend them. This 

5 is that Dick that set Aristotle^ with his hedes vpward, on 
the Schoole gates at Cambridge, and asses eares on hys 
head ; a thing that, in perpetuam rei memoriam, I will 
record and neuer haue done with. This is that Dick that 
comming to take one Smiths (a yong Batchelour of Trinitie 

10 CoUedge) Questions, and they being such as he durst not 
venture on, cride Aquila nan capit muscas, an Eagle catcheth 
no flies; and so gaue them him againe: wheretoo the 
other (beeing a lustie big boand fellow, & a Goluis or 
Behemoth in comparison of him) strait retorted it vpon him» 

i$Nec elephas mures^ no more doth an elephant stoope to 
myce ; and so they parted. This is that Dick of whom 
Kit Marloe was wont to say that he was an asse, good for 
nothing but to preach of the Iron Age: Dialoguizing 
Dicke, lo Pxan Dicke, Synesian and Pierian Dick^ Dick the 

so true Brute or noble Troian, or Dick that hath vowd to 
line and die in defence of Brute^ and this our lies first 
offspring from the Troians, Dick s^ainst baldnes, Dick 
against Buchanan, little and little witted Dicke, Aquinas 
Dicke, X Lipsian Dick, heigh light a loue a Dick, that lost t Therefore 

as his Benefice & his Wench both at once, his Benefice for ^^^ 
want of sufliciencie, and his wench for want of a Benefice becmnw 
or suf-jfident lining to maintaine her. Dilemma Dick, dissen- N 4 }*"J^' 
tious Dick ; with obi in malam crucem, that is, get all thy lubber^ 
frends in their prayers to commend thee, I shut vp the J^^^'^ST 

30 congested Index of thy redundant opproby, and hast backe and bee 
to the right worshipful! of the Lawes, Master D. Garropius, ^f^ 
thy brother, (as in euerie Letter that thou writ'st to him Upsins ; 
thou tearmst him,) who, for aU he is a duill Lawier, will j^^^^g 
neuer be Lex loquens, a Lawier that shall lowd throate it so in his 

35 with Good my Lord, consider this poore mans case. But ^'S********** 

7 in Q, Coll., Gro. 24 Qy. fVA/light a lone Dickf 95 his Benfioe ^ 

fat Q, a6 and his wench Q, 



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86 HAVE WITH YOV 

canneuer thogh he be in none of your Courts Licentiate, and a 
come necre Qoyrti^ Otherwise hee is neuer h'ke to be, one of the 
Emperour lustinians Courtiers (the Ciuill Lawes chiefe 
Founder) malgre he will name himselfe ; and, a quarter 
of a yeare since, I was aduertised that aswell his workes s 
as the whole body of that Law compleat, (hauing no other 
employment in his Facultie,) hee was in hand to tourne into 
English Hexameters ; and if he might haue had his will, 
whiles he was yet resident in Cambridge, it should haue 
been seuerely enacted throghout the Vniuersitie that none lo 
should speake or ordinarily conuerse but in that cue. For 
himselfe, hee verie religiously obseru'd it, neuer meeting 
anie Doctor or frend of his, but he would salute him or 
giue him the time of the day in it most heroically, euen as 
hee saluted a Phisition of speciall account in these tearmes, 15 

Nere can I meet youy sir, but needs must I veile my 
banetto. 

Which he (loth to be behinde with him in curtesie) thus 
tumd vpon him againe, 

Nere can I meet you^ sir^ but needs must I call ye ao 
knauetto. 

Once hee had made an Hexameter verse of seauen 
feete, whereas it would lawfully beare but sixe ; which | 
N4'' fault a pleasant Gentleman hauing found him with, 
wrapt the said verse in a peece of paper, & sent a lowse 95 
with it, inserting vndemeath. This verse hath more feet 
than a lawse. But to so Dictionarie a custome it was 
grown with him, that after supper if he chaunst to play at 
Cards, and had but one Queen of Harts light in his hand, 
he would extempore in that kinde of verse nmne vppon 30 
mens hearts and womens hearts all the night long, as. 

Stout hart & sweet hart^ yet stoutest hart to be stooped. 

No may-pole in the streete, no wether-cocke on anie 
Church steeple, no garden, no arbour, no lawrell, no ewe tree, 
that he would ouerslip without haylsing after the same 35 

33 Niwpcar, ColU^ Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 87 

methode. His braynes, his time, all hys maintenance & 
exhibition vpon it he hath consumed, and neuer inter- 
mitted till such time as he beganne to Epistle it against 
mee ; since which I haue kept him a work indifferently; and 

5 that in the deadest season that might bee, hee lying in 
the ragingest furie of the last Plague, when there dyde 
aboue i6co. a week in London^ inck-squittring and printing 
against me at Wolfes in Powles Church-yard. Three 
quarters of a yere thus doystred and immured hee re- 

lomained, not beeing able almost to step out of dores, 
he was so barricadoed vp with graues, which besiedged 
and vndermlned his verie threshold ; nor to open his 
window euening or morning, but a dampe (like the smoake 
of a Cannon) from the fat manured earth with contagion 

15 (being the buriall place of fine parishes) in thick rouling 
clowds would strugglingly funnell vp, & with a full blast 
puffe in at his casements. Supply mee with a margent 
note, some bodie that hath more idle leasure than I haue 
at I the post hast hudling vp of these presents, as touching o i 

30 his spirites yearning empassionment, and agonizd fiery 
thirst of reuenge, that n^lected soule & bodies helth 
to compasse it ; the helth of his bodie, in lying in the hell 
mouth of infection, & his soules health, in minding any 
other matters than his soul ; nay, matters that were vtter 

as enemies to his soul (as his first offring of wrong, & then 
prosecuting of it), when his soule and bodie both, euerie 
hower, wer at the hazard poynt to be seperated. The 
argument (to my great reioycing & solace) frd hence 
I haue gathered was that my lines were of more smarting 

30 efficade .than I thought, & had that stede and mettall 
in them which pierst & stung him to the quick, and droue 
him, vpon the first searching of the wounds I had giu'n him, 
to such rauing impatience as he could rest no where, 
but through the poysonfullest iawes of death, and fire 

35 and water, he would burst, to take vengeance, and not 
ondy on the lining but the dead also, (as what will 
not a 6o^g!t doo that is angerd ? bite and gnarle at anie 



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88 HAVE WITH YOV 

bone or stone that is neere him :) but rather I deeme that 
from the harsh gyrating in his eares & continuall crashing 
of sextens spades against dead mens bones (more dismall 
musique to him than the Voyce or Ghosts Hearse) he 
came so to be incenst & to inueigh against the dead, 5 
therewith they exasperating and setting his teeth on edge, 
more than hee would. But let that rest, which would not 
let him rest: at Wolfes he is billetted, sweating and 
dealing vpon it most intentiuely; and, for he would 
(as nere as was possible) remoue all whatsoeuer encum- xo 
brtces, that might alienate or withdraw him from his 
studie, hee hath vowd (during his abode there) not to 
o t* haue a denier in his purse, or see mo-|neyy but let it run on 
the score and goe to the diuell if it will, he is resolute, and 
means to trouble himselfe with none of this trash : and }ret 15 
it is a world to heare how malicious tongues will slaunder 
a man with truth, and giue out, how of one MigheU 
(somtimes Dexters man in Powles Churchwards though 
now he dwells at Exceter) he should borrow ten shillings 
to buy him shooes and stockings, and when it came to ao 
repayment, or that he was faine to borrow of another 
to satisfie and paye him (as he will borrow so much fauor 
of him he nere saw before) no lesse than halfe a crowne out 
of that ten shillings he forswore, & rebated him for vsurie. 
Cont^t your self, it was a hard time with him ; let not 35 
Mighel and Gabriell (two Angels) fal out for a trifle: 
those that be his frends will consider of it & beare 
with him, euen as Beniamin the Founders father who 
dwels by Fleete-bridge, hath borne with him this foure 
yere for a groat which he owes him for plaisters ; and 30 
so Trinitie Hall hath borne with him more than that, 
he being (as one that was Fellow of the same House 
of his standing informd mee) neuer able to pay his 
Commons, but from time to time borne out in almes 
amongst the rest of the Fellowes ; how euer he tells some 35 
of his frends he hath an out-brothership, or beadsmans 

36 betdf imuii Q : beadt mans CoU, : b^^'^f"*?^^ Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 89 

stipend of ten shillings a yeare there still comming to him^ 
and a Library worth iioo. pound. lohn Wolfe sayes 
nothing, and yet hee beares with him asmuch as the best, 
and if hee had borne a little longer, he would haue borne 

5 till his back broke, though Gabriell lookes big vpon it, and 
protests by no bugges he owes him not a dandiprat, but 
that Wolfe is rather in his debt than hee in his, all reckon- 
ings iustly cast. In plaine truth and in verity, some | 
pleasures he did Wolfe in my knowledge. For, first and O a 

10 formost, he did for him that eloquent post-script for the 
Plague Bills, where he talkes of the series, the classes, & 
the premisses, & presenting them with an exacter methode 
hereafter, if it please God the Plague continue. By the 
style I tooke it napping, and smelt it to be a pig of his 

'5 Sus Mineruam^ the Sow his Muse, as soone as euer I read 
it, and since the Printer hath confest it to mee. The ver- 
milion WrinckU de crinkledum hop'd (belike) that the 
Plague would proceed, that he might haue an occupation 
oi it. The second thing wherein he made Wolfe so much 

20 beholding to him was that if there were euer a paltrie 
Scriuano, betwixt a Lawiers Clark & a Poet, or smattring 
pert Boy whose buttocks were not yet coole since he came 
from the grammer, or one that houers betwixt two crutches 
of a SchoUer and a Traueller, when neither will helpe him 

as to goe vpright in the worlds opinion, & shuld stumble in 
there with a Pamphlet to sell, let him or anie of them but 
haue conioynd with him in rayling against mee, and feed 
his humor of vaine-glorie, were their stufTe by ten millions 
more Tramontani or Transalpine barbarous than balletry, 

30 he would haue prest it vpon Wolfe^ whether he would or 
no, and glu'n it immortall allowance aboue Spencer. So 
did he by that Philistine Poem of Parthenophill and Par- 
tkenope, which to compare worse than it selfe, it would 
plague all the wits of France, Spaine, or Italy. And when 

35 hee saw it would not sell, hee cald all the World asses a 
hundred times ouer, with the stampingest cursing and 
S verity] CoO.^ Gro, : yerily Q. 34 plagne] b. Coll. : plunge a, Gr9. 



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90 HAVE WITH YOV 

tearing he could vtter it, for that he hauing giu'n it his 
passe or good word, they obstinately contemnd and mlslik'd 
O a^ it So did he by Chutes Shores \ Wife, and his Procris 
and Cephalus^ and a number of Pamphlaganian things 
more, that it would rust & yron spot paper to haue but 5 
one sillable of their names breathed ouer it By these 
complots and carefuU purueyance for him Wolfe could not 
choose but bee a huge gainer, a hundred marke at least 
ouer the shoulder: &, which was a third aduantage to 
hoyst or raise him, besides the Doctors meate and drinke, 10 
which God payd for and it is not to be spoken of, he set 
him on the score for sack, centum pro cento^ a hundred 
; Yoa most t quarts in a seuen-night, whiles he was thus saracenly 
^^^^" sentencing it against mee. Towards the latter end, he 
dfties, tnd grew weary of keeping him and so manie asses (of his 15 
cooichiLu* procuring) at liuery, and would gamble and mutiny in his 
hearing of want of money. Tut, man,mony? would he say, 
is that your discontent ? plucke vp your spirites and bee 
merry, I cannot abide to heare anie man complaine for 
want of money. Twice or thrice hee had set this magnifi- >o 
cent face vpon it, and euer Wolfe lookd when hee would 
haue terrifide the table with a sound knock of a pursse of 
angels, and sayd. There 's for thee, pa}^ mee when thou art 
able : but with him there was no such matter, for he put 
his hand in his pocket but to scrub his arme a little that 'S 
itcht, and not to pluck out anie cash, which with him is a 
stranger shape than euer Ccums shrowded in his den, and 
would make him, if he should chop on anie such churlish 
lumpe vnawares, to admire & blesse himselfe, with 

Quis nouus hie nostris successit sedibus hospes ? 30 

lesu, how comes this to passe? here is such geere as I 
neuer saw. So blesse himselfe he could not, but beeing a 
O 3 little more roundly put to it, he was faine to confesse | that 
he was a poore impecunious creature, & had not traffiqut a 
great while for anie of these commodities of Santa Cruz^ 35 

17 monj would Q, Gro. : mony, would CoU. 18 Plofike ColL^ Gr§. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 91 

but as soone as euer his rents came vp, which he expected 
euerie howre, (though I could neuer heare of anie he had, 
more than his ten shillings a yeare at Trinitie Hall, if he 
haue that,) he would most munificently congratulate, 
S correspond, and simpathize with him in al interchangable 
vicissitude of kindnes ; & let not the current of time seeme 
too protractiue extended, or breed anie disvnion betwixt 
them, for he would accelerate & festinate his procrasti- 
nating ministers and commissaries in the countrey, by 

10 Letters as expedite as could bee. I giue him his true 
dialect and right varnish of elocution, not varying one I 
tittle from the high straine of his harmonious phrase, 
wherein he puts downe Hermogenes with his Art of 
Rhetorique, and so farre out-strips ouer-tunged Beldam 

15 Roome, or her super-delicate bastard daughter ceremo- 
nious dissembling ItcUy, as Europe puts down all the other 
parts of the World in populous societies and fertilenes. A 
Gentleman, a frend of mine, that was no straunger to such 
bandyings as had past bewixt vs, was desirous to see how 

aohe lookt since my strappadoing and torturing him; in 
which spleene he went and enquird for him : answere was 
made he was but new risen, and if it wold please him to 
stay, he would come down to him anon. Two howres 
good by the clocke he attended his pleasure, whiles he (as 

95 some of his fellow In-mates haue since related vnto mee) 
stood acting by the glasse all his gestures he was to vse 
all the day after, and currying & smudging and pranking 
himselfe vnmeasurably. Post varies cas$ts, his case of 
tooth-pikes, his combe case, his | case of head-brushes O y' 

30 and beard-brushes, run ouer, & tot discrimina rerum^ 
rubbing cloathes of all kindes, downe he came, and after 
the bazelos manus, with amplifications and complements 
hee belaboured him till his eares tingled and his feet ak'd 
againe. Neuer was man so surfetted and ouer-gorged 

55 with English, as hee cloyd him with his generous spirites, 
renumeration of gratuities, stopping the postemes of in* 

25 lellow-inmmtet Coll. : fellow-Iiunates Grc, 



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9a HAVE WITH YOV 

gratitude, bearing the launder too seuere into his imper- 
fections, and trauersing the ample forrest of interlocutions. 
The Gentleman swore to mee that vpon his first apparition 
(till he disclosed himselfe) he tooke him for an Vsher of 
a dancing Schoole, neither doth he greatly differ from it, 5 
for no Vsher of a dauncing Schoole was euer such a Bassta 
Dona or Bassta de vmbra de vmira des los pedes^ a kisser 
of the shadow of your feetes shadow, as he is. I haue 
perused vearses of his, written vnder his owne hand to 
Sir Philip Sidney^ wherein he courted him as he were 10 
another Cyparissus or Ganimede ; the last Gordian true 
loues knot or knitting vp of them is this : 

Sum iecur ex quo te primiiin Sydnee vidiy 
Os ocuUsque regit ^ cogit amare iecur. 

All liuer am /, Sidney^ since I saw thee ; ' 15 

My mouthy eyes, rules it, and to louedoth draw mee. 

Not halfe a yeare since, comming out of Lincolnshyre, it 
was my hap to take Cambridge in my waye, where I had 
not been in sixe yeare before, when by wonderful destenie, 
who (in the same Inne and very next chamber to mee, ao 
parted but by a wainscot doore that was naild vp, either 
vnwitting of other) should be lodgd but his Gabrielship^ 
that, in a manner, had liu'd as long a Pilgrim from thence 
O 4 as I ? Euerie circumstance I cannot stand | to reckon vp> 
as how wee came to take knowledge of one anothers being as 
there, or what a stomacke I had to haue scratcht with him, 
but that the nature of the place hindred mee, where it is 
as ill as pettie treason to look but awry on the sacred 
person of a Doctour, and I had plotted my reuenge other- 
wise ; as also of a meeting or conference on his part 30 
desired, wherein all quarrells might be discust and drawne 
to an attonement, but non vult fac, I had no fancie to it, 
for once before I had bin so cousend by his colloging, 
though personally we neuer met face to face, yet by troucb- 

a interlocntion CoU^ Gro, 1$ Qy, read Sydneie {as Harwy)? ao-i Qy, 
nadytYkouL. . .mee (parted/ 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 93 

men and vant-curriers betwixt vs : nor could it settle in 
my conscience to loose so much paines I had tooke in new 
arra}nng & furbushing him, or that a publique wrong in 
Print was to be so sleightly slubberd ouer in priuate, with 
5 Come, come, g^ue me your hand, let vs bee frends, and 
therevpon I drinke to you. And a further doubt there 
was if I had tasted of his beife and porredge at Trinity 
Hal^ as he desired, {notandum est^ for the whole fortnight 
together that he was in Cambridge^ his Commons ran in 

10 the Colledge detriments, as the greatest curtesie hee could 
doo the House whereof he was, to eate vp their meate and 
neuer pay anie thing ;) If I had (I say) rusht in my selfe, 
and two or three hungrie Fellowes more, and cryde, Doo 
you want anie guestes ? what, nothing but bare Commons? 

15 it had beene a question (considering the good-will that is 
betwixt vs) whether he wold haue lent me a precious dram 
more than ordinarie, to helpe disgestion : he may be such 
another crafde mortring Druggeir, or Italian porredge 
seasoner, for anie thing I euer saw in his complexion. 

so That word complexion is dropt foorth in good time, for to 

. describe to | you his complexion & composition, entred I O 4V 
into this tale by the way, or tale I found in my way 
riding vp to London. It is of an adust swarth choUericke 
dye, like restie bacon, or a dride scate-fish ; so leane and so 

25 meagre, that you wold thinke (like the Turks) he obseru'd 
4* Lents in a yere, or take him for the Gentlemans man in 
the Courtier^ who was so thin cheekd and gaunt and staru'd, 
that, as he was blowing the fire with his mouth, the smoke 
tooke him vp, like a light strawe, and carried him to the 

30 top or funnell of the chimney, wher he had flowne out God 
knowes whether, if there had not bin crosse barres ouer- 
whart that stayde him ; his skin riddled and crumpled like 
a peice of burnt parchment ; & more channels & creases 
he hath in his face than there be Fairie circles on Salsburie 

35 Plaine^ and wrinckles & frets of old age than characters on 
Christs Sepulcher in Mount Caltuirii^ on which euerie one 
93 choUerieke Q. 35 ftett (pr^km t) Q. 



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94 HAVE WITH YOV 

that comes scrapes his name and sets his marke to shewe 
that hee hath been there: so that whosoeuer shall behold 
him, 

Esse putet Borex trisU furentis opus^ 

will sweare on a booke I haue brought him lowe, and 5 
shrowdly broken him: which more to confirme, look on 
his head, and you shall finde a gray'haire for euerie line 
I haue writ against him ; and you shall haue all .his beard 
white too, by that time hee hath read ouer this booke. 
For his stature, he is such another pretie lacke a Lent as lo 
boyes throw at in the streete, and lookes, in his blacke sute 
of veluet, like one of these leat droppes which diuers weare 
at their eares in stead of a iewell. A smudge peice of 
a handsome fellow it hath beene In his dayes, but now he is 
olde and past his best, and fit for nothing but to be a Noble 15 
P I mans porter, or a Knight | of Windsor^ cares haue so 
crazed him, and disgraces to the verie bones consumed 
him; among^ which hy^ missing of the Vniuersitie 
Oratorship, wherin Doctor Peme besteaded him, wrought 
not the lightliest with him ; and if none of them were, his so 
course of life is such as would make anie man looke ill on 
it, for he wil endure more hardnes than a Camell, who in 
the burning sands will Hue foure dayes without water & 
feeds on nothing but thistles and wormewood & such lyke ; 
no more doth he feed on anie thing, when he is at Saffron-- 95 
walden^ but sheepes trotters, porknells, and butterd rootes ; 
and other-while in an Hexameter meditation, or when hee 
is inuenting a new part of Tully, or hatching such another 
Paradoxe as that of Nicholaus Copernicus was, who held 
that the Sun remains immoueable in the center of the 30 
World & that the Earth is moou'd about the Sunne, he 
would be so rapt that hee would remaine three dayes and 
neither eate nor drinke, and within doores he will keepe 
seauen yeare together, and come not abroad so much as to 
Church. The like for seauen and thirtie weekes space 35 

a behold^ behold Q, i a ieat droppes] CqU.^ Gro. : ieatdroppes Q, 

a6 sheepes trotten, poriaiells] Gro, : trotters, sheepes porknells Q^ CdU 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 95 

together he did, while he lay at Wolfes copp)ang against 
mee, neuer stirring out of dores or being churched all that 
while, but like those in the West country, that after the 
Paulin hath cald them, or they haue seene a spirit, keep 

5 themselues darke 24. howres ; so after I had plaid the 
spirit in banting him in my 4. Letters cdfuted, he could by 
no means endure the light, nor durst venter himself abroad 
in the open aire for many mdths after, for feare he should 
be fresh blasted by all mens scorne and derision. My 

so instructions of him are so ouer-flowing and numberlesse 
that, except I abridge them, my Book will | grow such P i" 
a bouncer that those which buy it must bee faine to hire 
a porter to carry it after them in a basket. For breuitie 
saice I omit twentie things, as the conflict betwixt my 

15 Hostesse of the Dolphin in Cambridge and him, at my 
beeing there, about his lying in her house a fortnight, and 
keeping one of the best Chambers, yet neuer ofTring to 
spend a penie; the Hackney-mens of Saffron-waldens 
pursuing him for their horses, he hiring them but for three 

so dayes and keeping them fifteene, & telling him very flatly 
when he went about to excuse it, that they could not spare 
them from their Cart so long, they being Cart horses which 
they set him on. The description of that poore lohn 
a Droynes his man, whom he had hyred for that ioumey, 

%h a great big-boand thresher, put in a blue coate too short 
wasted for him, & a sute made of the inner linings of a sute 
tumd outward, being white canuas pinkt vpon cotton ; his 
intollerable boasting at Wolfes to such as wold hold him 
chat & he could draw to talk with him, that he thought no 

soman in England had more learning than himselfe; hys 
threatning anie Noble-man whatsoeuer, that durst take my 
part, and vowing he would do this and that to him if he 
should ; his incensing my L. Mayor against me that th£f 
was, by directing vnto him a perswasiue pamphlet to 

35 persecute mee^ and not to let slip the aduantage hee had 
against mee, and reporting certaine words 1 shuld speake 
18 Stfffrm^maUm Gn, 



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9^ HAVE WITH YOV 

against him that Christmas at a Tauerae in London^ when 
I was in the lie of Wight then and a great while after. 
His inciting the Preacher at Poules Crosse^ that lay at the 
same house in Wood-streete which hee did, to preach 
manifestly against Master Lilly and mee, with Woe to the 5 
P a Printer^ woe to the Seller^ woe to the \ Buyer ^ woe to the 
Author* But in none of these will I insist, which are 
remnants in comparison of the whole peice I haue to shew ; 
only I will haue a short tutch at Wolfes and his parting, 
and so make an end of an old song, and bid God night to xo 
this Historic. 

Pierses Supererogation printed, the chaise whereof the 
Doctor had promist to defray and be countable to Wolfe 
for, amounting (with his diet) to $6. pounds, from Saffron- 
walden no atgent would bee heard of, wherefore downe he 15 
must go amongst his tenaunts, as he pretended, (which are 
no other than a company of beggers, that lye in an out 
bame of his mothers sometimes,) and fetch vp the grand 
summes, or legem pone. To accomplish this, Wolfe procur'd 
him horses and money for his expences, lent him one of his n 
Prentises (for a seruing creature) to grace him, clapping an 
olde blue coate on his backe, which was one of my Lord of 
Harfords liueries, (he pulling the badge off,) & so away 
they went. Saint Christopher be their speed, and send 
them well backe againe ; but so prayes not our Dominico ts 
Ciuilian, for he had no such determination: but as soone 
as euer he had left London behinde him, he insinuated 
with this luuentus to run away fro his Master, and take 
him for his good Lord and supporter. The Page was 
easily mellowd with his attractiue eloqugce, as what heart 3<> 
of adamant or enclosed in a Crocodyles skin (which no 
yron will pierce), that hath the power to withstand the 
Mercurian heauenly charme of hys Rhetorique? With him 
he stayes halfe a yere, rubbing his toes, and following him 
with his sprinklii^ glasse & his boxe of kissing comfets z$ 
from place to place ; whiles his Master, fretting & chafing 

10 god night CoU,, Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 97 

to be thus colted of both | of them, is readie to send out P i^" 
Processe for the Doctor, and get his Nouice cride in euerie 
Qiarket Towne in Essex : but they preuented him, for the 
impe or stripling, being almost staru'd in this time of his 

sbeeing with him, gaue him warning he would no longer 
seme him, but wold home to his master what euer shift he 
made. Gabriell thought it not amisse to take him at his 
word, because his clothes were all greasie and wome out, 
& hee is neuer wont to keepe anie man longer than the sute 

10 lasteth he brings with him, and then tume him to grasse 
and get one in newe trappings; and euer picke quarrells 
with him before the yeares end, because hee would be 
sure to pay him no ws^es : yet in his prouident forecast he 
concluded it better polide for him to send him backe to his 

15 Master than he should goe of his owne accord^ and whereas 
he was to make a ioumey to London within a weeke or 
such a matter, to haue his blue coate (being destitute of 
euer another trencher-carrier) credit him vp, though it were 
thrid bare. So considered, and so done, at an Inne at 

90 Islingtan hee alights, and there keepes him aloofe, London 
being too hot for him. His retinue (or attendaunt), with 
a whole cloke-bs^ full of commendations to his master, he 
dismisseth, and, in stead of the 36. pounds hee ought him, 
wild him to certefie him that verie shortly hee would send 

95 him a couple of Hennes to Shroue with. Wolff, receiuing 
this message, and holding himselfepalpablye flouted therein, 
went and feed Baylies, and getts one Scarlet (afrendof his) 
to goe and draw him foorth, & hold him with a tale whiles 
they might steale on him & arrest him. The watch-word 

30 giu'n them when they should seaze vpon him, was Wolfe 
(I must needes say) \ hath vsde you verie grosely: and to P 5 
the intent he might suspect nothing by Scarlets comming, 
there was a kind letter fram'd in Wolfes name, with To the 
right worshipfull of the Lawes^ in a g^eat Text hand, for a 

3$ superscription on the out-side; and vndemeath at the 
bottome. Your worships euer to commaund, andprest to doo 

19 FiQssibfy tiiiid-baie Q, 

m H 



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98 HAVE WITH YOV 

you seruici^ lohn Wolfe. The contents of it were about the 
talking with his Lawier, and the eager proceeding of his 
Sister in law against him. This letter deliuerd and read, 
and Scarlet and he (after the tasting of a cup of dead beere, 
that had stood pawling by him in a pot three dayes)5 
descending into some conference, he b^fan to finde himselfe 
ill apaid with Wolfes encroaching vpon him, and asking 
him money for the Printing of his Booke, and his diet whiles 
he was close prisoner, attending and toyling about it, & 
obiecting how other men of lesse desert wer liberally lo 
recompenst for their paines, whereas he (whose worth ouer- 
balaunst the proudest) must be constrained to hire men to 
make themselues rich. I appeale to you (quoth hee) 
whether euer anie mans workes sold like mine. I, euen 
from a childe, good master Doctor, replide Scarlet^ and 15 
made a mouth at him ouer his shoulder, so soothing him 
on forward till the Baylies Cue came of Wolfes abusing 
him verie grosely, which they not failing to take at the 
first rebound, stept into the roome boldly (as they were 
two well bumbasted swaggering fat-bellies, hauing faces as ao 
broad as the backe of a chimney, and as big as a towne 
bag-pudding) and clapping the Doctor with a lusty blow 
on the shoulder, that made his legs bow vnder him & his 
guts cry quag againe, by your leaue, they said vnto him (in 
P a'' a thundring yeoman vshers diapason)^ \ in Gods name and ^5 
the Queenes wee doo arrest you. Without more pause, 
away they hurried him, & made him beleeue they wold 
carry him into the Citie, where his Creditor was, wh€, 
comming vnder Newgate^ they told him they had occasion 
to goe speake with one there, and so thrust him in before 30 
them for good manners sake, because he was a Doctour 
and their better, bidding the Keeper, as soone as euer he 
was in, to take charge of him. Some lofty tragicall Poet 
hdpe mee, that is dayly conuersant in the fierce encounters 
of Raw-head and bloody bones, and whose pen, like the 35 
Plowes in Spayne that often stumble on golde vaines, still 

35 Bloody-bones ColL : bloodj-bonet Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 99 

splits and stumpes it selfe against olde yron and raking 
ore battred Armour and broken Truncheons, to recount 
and expresse the more than Herculean fury he was in, 
when hee sawe hee was so notably betrayd and bought 

^and solde: Hee fumde, he stampt, he buffeted himselfe 
about the face, beat his head against the walls, and was 
ready to byte the flesh off his armes if they had not 
hindred him : out of doores hee would haue gone (as 
I cannot blame him) or hee swore hee would teare downe 

xo the walls and set the house on Are if they resisted him : 
whither, quoth he, you villaines, haue you brought mee ? 
To Newgate, good Master Doctour, with a lowe legge they 
made answer. I knowe not where I am. In Nev^^te, 
agayne replyed they, good Master Doctour: Into some 

15 blinde comer you haue drawne me to be murdred : to no 
place (replyed they the third time) but to Newgate, good 
Master Doctour. Murder, murder, (he cryed out): some 
body breake in, or they will murder mee. No murder but 
an action of debt, sayd they, good Master Doctour. O you 

JO pro-lphane Plebeyans^ exclaymed hee, I will massacre, I will P 4 
crudfie you for presuming to lay hands thus on my reuerent 
person. All this would not seme him, no more than 
Hackets counterfet madnesse woulde keepe him from the 
Gallowes, but vp he was had and shewed his lodging where 

35 hee should lye by it, and willed to deliuer vp his wepon. 
That wmng him on the withers worse than all the rest. 
What, my armes, my defence, my weapon, my dagger ? 
quoth hee ; my life then, I see, is conspired against, when 
you seek to bereaue me of the instmments that should 

30 secure it They ratled him vp soundly, and told him if he 
would be conformable to the order of the prison, so it was ; 
otherwise hee should bee forc't : Force him no forces, no 
such mechanicall dmdges should haue the honor of his 
artillery: marry, if some worthy Maiestrate came, as their 

35 Master or Mistresse, it might be, vppon good conditions for 

5 tolde. Hee CW/., Gro, 13 answer. X\ CoU.i answer: \ Q^ Gr^ 

25 wiUcd him to a. 26-7 rest What] CoU., Gro. : )rcs% i^m'Q»:\ -: 



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lOo HAVE WITH YOV 

his lifes safetie and preseruation, hee woulde surrender. 
The Mistresse of the house, (her husband beeing absent^ 
vnderstanding of his folly, came vp to him, and went about 
to perswade him. At her sight somewhat calm'd hee was, 
as it is a true amorous Knight, and hath no power to deny s 
any thing to ladies & gentlewomen, & he told her if she 
would command her seruants forth, (whom hee scomd 
should haue thejrr eyes so much illuminated as to beholde 
any martiall engin of his,) hee would in all humillity 
dispoyle himselfe of it. Shee so farre yeelded to him ; lo 
when as soone as they were out, he runs and swaps the 
doore too, & drawes his dagger vpon her with, O, I will kill 
thee, what could I doo to thee nowe ? and so extreamely 
terrified her, that shee scritcht out to her seruants^ who 
P 4V burst in in heapes, as | thinking he would haue rauisht her. 15 
Neuer was our Tapthartharath (though hee hath run 
through manie briers) in the like ruthfull pickle hee was 
then, for to the bolts he must> amongst theeues and rogues, 
and tast of the Widdowes Almes, for drawing his dagger in 
a Prison : frd which there was no deliuerance, if basely hee >o 
had not falne vppon his knees and askt hir forgiuenes. 
Dinner being readie, he was cald downe, & there beeing 
a better man than hee present, who was plac'd at the vpper 
end of the boord, for very spite that hee might not sit 
highest, he straight flung to his chamber againe, and vowd 25 
by heauen and earth and all the flesh on his backe, he would 
famish himselfe, before he would eate a bit of meate as 
long as hee was in NewgaU. How inuiolably hee kept it, 
I will not concede from you. About a two howres after, 
when he felt his craw emptie, and his stomacke b^^n to 30 
wamble, hee writ a Supplication to his Hostesse, that he 
might speak with her ; to whome (at her approaching) hee 
recited what a rash vow he had made, and what a commo- 
tion there was in his entrayles or pudding-house, for want 
of food ; wherefore, if she would steale to him a byt secretly S5 
and let there be no words of it, hee would^ I, marry, would 
heei:(vhca Jiee .ivas releast,) perfourme mountaines. She 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN loi 

(ui pittie of him) seeing him a brain-sicke bedlam and an 
innocent, that had no sense to goueme himselfe, being loth 
he should be damnd and go to hell for a meales meate, 
hauing vowd and through famine readie to breake it, got 
5 her husband to go forth with him out of dores, to some 
Cookes shop at Pye^camer there-abouts, or (as others will 
haue it) to the Tap-house vnder the Prison ; where hauing 
eaten suf*|ficient his hungrie bodie to sustaine, the diuell Q i 
a scute had he to pay the reckonmg, but the Keepers 

lo credite must goe for it. How he got out of this Castle 
dolorus, if anie be with childe to know, let them enquire of 
the Minister then seruing at Saint Albums in Wood-street, 
who in Christian charitie, onely for the names sake (not 
being acquainted with him before), enterd bdd for him to 

15 answere it at law, & satisfied the House for his lodging and 
Mangerie. But being restored to the open aire, the case 
with him was little altred, for no roofe had he to hide his 
noddle in, or whither he might go to set vp his rest, but in 
the streets vnder a bulk he should haue been constraind 

90 to haue kenneld, & chalkt out his cabbin, if the said 
Minister had not the second time stood his friend, and 
preferd him to a chamber at one Rolfes, a Serieants in 
Wood-streete ; whom (as I take it) he also procured to be 
equally bound with him for his new cousens apparance to 

35 the law, which he neuer did, but left both of them in the 
lurtch for him ; and, running in debt with Rolfe beside for 
house-roome and diet, one day when he was from home, he 
closely conuaid away his truncke foorth of doores, and 
shewde him a fayre paire of heeles. At Saffron-walden 

30 (for the most part) from that his flight to this present hath 
hee mewd and coopt vp himselfe inuisible, being counted 
for dead & no tidings of him, till I came in the winde of 
him at Cambridge, And so I v^inde vp his thrid of life, 
which, I feare, I haue drawne out too large, although in 

35 three quarters of it (of purpose to curtail it) I haue left 
descant, and taskt me to plaine song : whereof, that it is 

zz Dolonu CoU., Gro. 



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102 HAVE WITH YOV 

ante other than plaine truth let no man distrust, it being by 
Q I'' good men and true (word for word as I let it fly a-jmongfst 
you) to mee in the feare of God vttred, all yet aliue to 
confirme it : wherefore settle your faith immoueably, and 
now yon haue heard his life, iudge of his doctrine accordingly. 5 

Carnead: His life and doctrine may both be to %ps cui 
ensample^for since the ratine of Queen Gueniuer was there 
neuer scene worse. 

Import : Yet for all he is such a vaine Basilisco and 
Captaine Crack-stone in all his actions & conuersaticn^ & 10 
swarmeth in vile Canniball words ^ there is some good tnaiter 
in his booke against thee. 

Respond: We will trie that matter immediately, for my 
minde euer giuing mee that wee should haue you, and such 
like Humorists of your Faction, runne from one matter to 15 
another, & from the matter to the manner, and from the 
manner to the forme, and from the forme to the cause, and 
from the cause to the eflect, I prouided to match you at 
all weapons. And here, next bis life, I haue drawen an 
Abridgement or Inuentorie of all the materiall Tractates «o 
and Contents of hys Booke. 

Import : Then thou hast done welly for it is it that I all 
this while looktfor. I pray thee^ let me read it my selfe. 

A Summarie or breife Analysis of such matters as 

are handled in the Doctors Booke. n 

INprimis, one Epistle, of a sheete and more of paper, to 
his gentle & liberall frends. Master Bamabe Barnes, 
Master John Thorius^ Master Anthonie Chute^ and euerie 
fauourable Reader. | 
Q 2 Camead : O ho^ those whom hee calls the three orient 30 
wits. Mine eyes are partly accessarie vnto it. It is to 
thanke them for their curteous Letters and commendatorie 
Sonnets, writ to him from a farre^ as namely, out of the 
hall into the kitchin at Wolfes, where altogether at one time 
they lodged and boorded. With a great manie maidenly $$ 
4 it Wberefoie CM, Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 103 

excuses ofTis mare of your gentlenes than my deseruing^ 
and I cannot without blushing repeate^ and without shame 
remember. Then he comes vpon thee with Vle^ fie, fie. 
Respond: What should I ssLy^Iwill and commaund^ like 
5 a Prince ? hee might as well write dj^nsXPoules for hauing 
three lies in it 

Camead : Hee calls thee the greene Popiniay^ & sales thou 
art thine owne idoll. 

Respond: Let him either shew how or wherein, or I will 
10 not beleeue him ; & my n^ratiue (in any ground in 
England) is as good as his affirmatiue. 

Camead : And so proceeds with complement and a little 
more complement^ and a crust of quippes^ and a little more 
complement after that: then he falls in exhorting those his 
15 three Patrons to goe forward in maturities as they haue 
begun in pregnancie ; whose Parthenophils and Parthenopes 
embellished^ and Shores Wife eternized^ shall euerlastingly 
testifie what they are. 

Respond: And so haue I testifide for them what they 
ao are, which will last time enough. 

Camead: Hee bids Barnabe of the Barnes bee the gallant 
Poet like Spencer, or the valiant Souldiour like Baskeruile ; 
and euer remember his French Seruice vnder such a 
GeneralL 
35 Respond: What his Soldiourship is I cannot iudge, | but Q : 
if you haue euer a chaine for him to runne awaye with, as 
hee did with a Noble-mans Stewards chayne at his Lords 
enstalling at Windsore ; or if you would haue anie rymes 
to the tune of stink-a-pisse^ hee is for you ; in one place of 
30 his Parthenophill and Parthenope wishing no other thing 
of Heauen but that hee might bee transformed to the 
Wine his Mistres drinks, and so passe thorough her. 

Bentiu : Therein hee was verie ill aduisde, for so the 
next time his Mistres made water ^ he was in danger to be 
35 cast out of her fauour. 

Respond: Of late he hath set foorth another Booke, 
I ixctuis, €ftU Q, 39 70a; in] CM: yoa. In Q, Gro, 



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104 HAVE WITH YOV 

which hee entitles no lesse than A deuine Centurie of 
Sonets, and prefixeth for his Posie, 

Altera Musa venit, quid ni sit & alter AppoUo t 

As much to say as why may not my Muse bee as great an 
AppoUo or God of Poetrie as the proudest of them ? but it 5 
comes as farre short as Paris Garden Cut of the heigth of 
a Cammell, or a Cocke-boate of a Carricke : such another 
deuice it is as the godly Ballet of lohn Carelesse^ or the 
Song of Greene sUeues moralized. 

Camead : For his Caualiership^ since thou art not in^ 10 
structed in it, let mee tell thee^ it is lewder by nine score 
times than his Poetry ; since his doughtie seruice in France 
jitie yeares agoe^ I not forgetting him ; where^ hauing followd 
the Campe for a weeke or two^ and seeing there was no care 
had of keeping the Queenes Peace^ but a man might haue his 15 
braines knockt out^ and no lustice or Cunstable neere hand 
to send foorth precepts^ and make hue and crie after the 
murdrers ; without farther tarrying or consultation^ to the 
Generall he went^ and told him he did not like of this guar- 
Q 3 relling kinde of life^ and common oc'\cupation of murdring^ *o 
wherein (without anie lurie or triaU^ orgiuing them so much 
leaue as to saye their praiers) men were run thorough and 
had their throats cut^ both against Gods lawesy her Maiesties 
lawesy & the lawes of all Nations : wherefore hee desir'd 
license to depart, for hee stood euerie howre in feare and 35 
dread of his person^ and it was alwaies his praier^ From 
suddain death, good Lord, deliuer vs. Vpon this motion^ 
there were diuers warlike Knights and principall Captcdnes^ 
who, rat/ter than they would bee bereau'd of his pleasant 
companie, offred to picke out a strong guard amongst them 30 
for the safe engarisoning and better shielding him from 
perrill. Two stept foorth and presented themselues as 
muskettiers before him, a third and fourth as targatiers 
behinde him, a fifth and sixt vowd to trie it out at the push 
of the pike before the malicious foe should inuade him. But 35 

6 Qy.rtadtAt^ParisGardimCvX? 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 105 

home hee wauld^ nothing could stay him, to finish Parthe- 
nophil and Parthenope and write in praise of Gabriell 
Haniey. 

Consil : Hee was wise, hee lotid no blowes : but what said 
5 the Doctor to his other two copesmatest 

Carnead : Wf^, thus : Be thou, lohn, the many tungd 
linguist like Androwes, or the curious Intelligencer like 
Eodley ; 6* neuer forget thy Netherlandish Traine vnder 
him that taught the Prince of Nauarre, now the valorous 

10 King of France. 

Respond: Of this lohn Thorius more sparingly I wil 
speake, because hee hath made his peace with mee, & 
there bee in him sundrie good parts of the Tungs and 
otherwise ; though thirtie parts comming behinde & limp- 

15 ing after Doctor Androwes : who (if it bee no offence so to 
compare him) is tanquam Paulus in Cathe-^ira, powerful! Q 3^ 
preaching like Paul out of his chaire; and his Church 
another Pantheon^ or Templum omnium deorum^ the abso- 
lutest Oracle of all sound Deuinitie heere amongst vs ; hee 

3o mixing the two seuerall properties of an Orator and a Poet 
both in one, which is not onely to perswade, but to win 
admiration. Thorius^ being of that modestie and honestie 
I ascribe to him, cannot but bee irksomly ashamed, to bee 
resembled so hyperborically, and no lesse agreeu'd than 

35 Master Bodley (a Gentleman in our Common-wealth of 
singular desertiue reckoning & Industrie, beeing at this 
present her Maiesties Agent in the Low countries) ought 
he to bee at the hellish detested ludas name of an Intelli- 
gencer, which the Doctor in the waye of friendship hath 

3othrowne vpon him. Master Bodley calls him rascall & 
villaine for his labour, and before his going ouer was mad 
to know where he might hunt him out to bee reuengd: 
which both hee and Thorius haue reason for, since but 
to be couertly suspected for an Intelligencer (much more 

^ to be publikely registred in Print for such a flearing false 
brother or Ambodexter) is to make e3^er of them worse 
pointed and wondered at than a cuckold or wittall> and 



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io6 HAVE WITH YOV 

set them vp as common marks for euerie iackanapes 
Prentise to kicke, spit, or throw durt at. To bee an 
Intelligencer is to haue oathes at will, and thinke God 
nere regards them ; to frame his religion and alleageance 
to his Prince according to euerie companie he comes in. 5 
A lew he is, that but for the spoile loues no man ; a curre, 
that flatters & fawns vpon euerie one, low crowching by 
the ground like a tumbler, till hee may spie an aduants^, 
and pluck out his throate. An ingratefuU slaue, that there 
Q 4 spendeth | the bitterest of his venome, where hee hath 10 
receiued most benefites ; a hang-man, that dispatcheth all 
that come vnder his hands ; a drunken serieant or sumner, 
that could not line if (like the diuell) hee did not from time 
to time enquire after the sinnes of the people ; a necessarie 
member in a State to bee vsde to cut off" vnnecessarie 15 
members. Such fame hath he preferd Maste^r Bodley too, 
and wisheth Thorius to emulate. By his Netherlandish 
tra)me vnder him that taught the Prince of Nauarre^ now 
the valorous King of France^ is not to bee gathered that 
hee was schoole-fellow to the King of France^ as he would «o 
faine put the world in a fooles Paradice, because hee hath 
sonnetted it in hys praise, but that hee was Doctor Caranus 
Sonne of Oxford, who was Tutor to the said King, as well 
he might bee, and that no argument his sonne should be 
so well improou'd as he is. >5 

Camead : Tfu last of them is Chute, to whonu hee thus 
dilateth. Be thou, Anthonie^ the flowing Oratour, like Done, 
and the skilful! Herald, like Clarencius\ and euer remember 
thy Porttigall Voyage vnder Don Anthonio. 

Respond: Chute^ is hee such a high Clearke in hys Bookes? 30 
I knew when hee was but a low Clarke, and carried an 
Attumies bookes after him. But this I will say for him, 
though hee bee dead and rotten, and by his obsequies hath 
preuented the vengeaunce I meant to haue executed vpon 
him: of a youth that could not vnderstand a word of3S 
Latine, hee lou'd lycoras, and drunke posset curd, the best 

5-6 in : a C^//., Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 107 

that euer put cuppe to mouth ; and for his Oratorship, it 
was such that I haue seene him nan plus in giuing the 
charge at the creating | of a new Knight of Tobacco ; Q 4"^ 
though, to make amends since, he hath kneaded and 

5 daub'd vp a Commedie, called The transformation of the 
King of Trinidadoes two Daughters, Madame Panachaea 
and the Nymphe Tobacco ; and, to approue his Heraldries 
scutchend out the honorable Armes of the smoakieSodetie. 
His voiage vnder Don Anihanio was nothing so great credit 

10 to him as a French Varlet of the chamber is ; nor did he 
follow Anthonio neither, but was a Captaines Boye that 
scomd writing and reading, and helpt him to set downe 
his accounts and score vp dead payes. But this was our 
Grc^hiel Hagiels tricke of Wily Beguily herein, that where- 

15 as he could get no man of worth to crie Placet to his 
workes, or meeter it in his commendation^ those worthlesse 
Whippets and lack Strawes hee could get, hee would seeme 
to enable and compare with the highest Hereby hee 
thought to connycatch the simple world, and make them 

ao beleeue that these and these great men, euerie waye sutable 
to Syr Thomas BaskeruUe^M^diSttx Bodley^'Doctox Androwes^ 
Doctor Doue, Clarencius, and Master Spencer, had seperatdy 
contended to outstrip Pindarus in his. Olympics and sty 
aloft to the highest pitch, to stellifie him aboue the cloudes 

35 and make him shine next to Mercury. Here some little 
digression I must borrow, to reuenge his base allusion of 
Sir Thomas Baskeruile, euen as I haue done of Doctor 
Androwes\ neither of them being men that euer saluted 
mee, or I rest bound vnto in anie thing; otherwise than, by 

30 Doctor Androwes own desert and Master Lillies immoder- 
ate commending him, by little and little I was drawne on 
to bee an Auditor of his : since when, whensoeuer I heard 
him, I I thought it was but hard and scant allowance that R c 
was giu'n him, in comparison of the incomparable gifts that 

35 were in him. For Sir Thomas Baskeruile^ France ^ England^ 
the Low Countries^ & India acknowledgeth him; and 
5 Tiansformatioa ColLt Cro. 23 Olympicis Q, Ml,, Gro. 



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io8 HAVE WITH YOV 

though it was neuer my hap, but once in a young Knights 
Chamber in the Strand (none of my coldest weU-wishers), 
to light in his companie, yet, for Syr Roger Williams test!- 
monie of him, (a noble Gentleman that a yeare and a halfe 
before his death I was excessiuely beholding too, & on 5 
whom I haue vowd, when my busines are a little ouer- 
come, to bestow a memoriall Epitaph, such as Plato would 
in no more but foure verses to bee set vpon the graues of 
the dead,) downe his throate I will thrust this turn-broach 
comparison of a chicken and a chrisome with one of the 10 
most tryed Souldiours of Christendome. Doctor Doueznd 
Clarencius I tume loose to bee their owne Arbitratours and 
Aduocates; the one being eloquent inough to defend 
himselfe, and the other a Vice roy & next Heyre apparant 
to the King of Heralds, able to emblazon him in his right 15 
colours, if hee finde hee hath sustained any losse by him : 
as also, in like sort. Master Spencer^ whom I do not thrust 
in the lowest place because I make the lowest valuation of^ 
but as wee vse to set the Sumni tot alway vndemeath or 
at the bottome, he being the Suni tot of whatsoeuer can ao 
be said of sharpe inuention and schollership. 

Consil : Of the Doctor it may be said^ as Ouid sayth of 
the Scritch-owU^ 

Alijsque (dolens) fit causa dolendi ; 
Hee cannot bee content to bee miserable himselfe^ but hee 35 
must draw others to miscarrie with him. And as Plato | 
R ^"' had his best beloued Boy, Agatho, Socrates his Alcibiadcs, 
Virgin his Alexis ; so hath hee his Barnabe and Anthony 
for his minions and sweet-harts: though therein I must 
needes telly him {as Fabritius the Romane Consult writ to 3o 
Pirrhus when hee sent him back his Phisiiion that off red to 
poyson him) hee hath made as ill choyce of frends as of 
enemies; seeking^ like the P anther ^ to cure himselfe with 
mans dung, and with the verie excrements of the rubbishest 
wits that are, to restore himselfe to his bloud, and repaire 35 
his credit and estimation. 

24 doIcDdi. Qf CpIL, Grv. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 109 

Bentiu: If his Patrons bee such Peter Pingles and 
Moundragims, hee cannot chuse but bee sixtie times a more 
poore Slauonian arse-worme. 

Respond: Tender itchie brainde infants, they car'd not 
5 what they did, so they might come in print : and of that 
straine are a number of mushrumpes more, who pester the 
World with Pamphlets before they haue heard of Terence 
Pamphilus & can construe & pearse Proh Dii immor tales ; 
being like those barbarous People in the hot Countries, 

10 who, when they haue bread to make, doo no more but clap 
the dowe vpon a poast on the out-side of their houses, and 
there leaue it to the Sunne to bake ; so their indigested 
conceipts (farre rawer than anie dowe) at all aduentiu'es 
vpon the poastes they clap, pluck them off who's will : and 

15 if (like the Sunne) anie man of iudgement (though in scome) 
do but looke vpon them, they thinke they haue strooke it 
dead, and made as good a batch of Poetrie as may be. 
Neither of these princockesses {Barnes or Chute) once cast 
vp their noses towards Powles Church-yard^ or so much as 

so knew how to knock at a Printing-house dore, till they 
consorted themselues with Haruey^ who infe-|cted them R a 
within one fortnight with his owne spirit of Bragganisme ; 
which after so increased and multiplied in them, as no man 
was able to endure them ; the first of them (which is 

as Barnes) presently vppon it, because hee would bee noted, 
getting him a strange payre of Babilonian britches, with a 
codpisse as big as a Bolognian sawcedge, and so went vp 
and downe Towne, and shewd himself in the Presence at 
Court, where he was generally laught out by the Noble- 

90 men and Ladies : and the other (which is Chute) because 
Haruey had praised him for his Oratorship & Heraldry, to 
approue himselfe no lesse than hee had giu'n his word for 
him, sets his mouth of a new key, and would come foorth 
with such Kenimnawo compt metaphors and phrases, that 

35 E(ige was but a botcher to him ; and, to emblazon his 
Heraldrie, he painted himself like a Curtizan, which no 
34 them. The (?, C^//., Gro. 



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no HAVE WITH YOV 

Stationers boy in Potdes Church-yard but discouerd and 
pointed at. One of the best Articles against Barnes I haue 
ouer-slipt, which is, that he is in Print for a Braggart in 
that vniuersall applauded Latine Poem of Master Campions \ 
where, in an Epigram entituled In Bamunt^ banning 5 
thus, 

Mortales decern tela inter GaUica cxsos^ 

he shewes how hee bragd when he was in France he slue 
ten men, when (fearfuU cowbaby) he neuer heard peice 
shot off but hee fell flat on his face. To this effect it is, 10 
though the words somwhat varie. 

Camead: AUoune, alloune, let vs march, and from 
armes and skirmishing cast thy selfe in the armes of 
a sweete Gentlewoman^ that here at the end of the Epistle 
stands readie to embrace thee, Gabriell calls her the 15 
excellent Gentlewoman, his patronesse or rather champio^l 
Ri^'nesse in this fuarrell, meeter by nature, and fitter by 
nurture, to bee an inchaunting Angell with a white quill, 
than a tormenting furie with her blacke incke. 

Respond: What, is he like a Tinker, that neuer to 
trauailes without his wench and his dogge? or like 
a Germane, that neuer goes to the warres without his 
Tannakin and her Cocke on her shoulder? That Gentle- 
woman (if she come vnder my fists) I will make a gentle- 
woman, as Doctor Perne said of his mans wife. as 

Tunc plena voluptas, 
Cumpariter victifosmina vir^iacent; 

Then it is sport worth the seeing, when he and his 
woman lye crouching for mercie vnder my feete. I will 
bestow more cost in belabouring her, because, throughout 30 
the whole pawnch of his booke, hee is as infinite in 
commending her as Saint lerome in praise of Virginitie ; 
and oftener mentions her than Virgill & Theocritus 
Amarillis. In one place he calls her the one shee, in 
another the credible Gentlewoman, in a third the heauenly 35 

35 wife, ColL, Gro, 37 iaant, Q, Coll,, Gro, 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN iii 

pianU and the fourth a new starre in Cassiopeia, in the 
fifth the heauenly creature, in the sixth a Lion in the field 
of Minerua, in the seuenth a right Bird of Mercuries 
winged chariot, with a hundred such like : he saith, shee 
I hath read Homer, Virgill, the diuine Arckitipes of Hebrue, 
Greeke^ and Romane valour^ Plutarch, Polien, Agrippa, 
Tyraquell. 

Bentiu : / haue found him, I heme the tract of him : 
hee thinkes in his owne person if hee should raile grosely, it 
\owiU bee a discredit to him, and therefore hereafter hee 
would thrust foorth all his writings vnder the name of 
a Gentlewoman; who, howsoeuer shee scolds and play es the 
vixen neuer so, wilbe borne with : and to preuent that he\be'^% 
not descride by his aUeadging of Authors, {which it will 
15 hardly bee thought can proceed from a woman) hee casts 
forth this Item, that she hath read these and these books, and 
is well scene in all languages. 

Consil : Shall wee haue a Hare of him then t a nude one 

yeare, and a female another: or, as Pliny holds there 

ao is male and female of all things vnder heauen, and not 

so much but as of trees and precious stoanes ; so cannot 

there be a male Confuter^ but there must be a female 

confuter too; a Simon Magus, but hee must haue his whoore 

Silenes; an Aristotle that sacrificed to his harlot Hermia, 

35 but euerie Silius Poeta must imitate him t Doth he, when 

his owne witsfaile, crie Da, Venus, consilium, Holy Saint 

Venus, inspire mee t But as Bentiuole hath wel put in^ 

Pars minima est ipsa puella sui. / beleeue it is but a meere 

coppy of his countenaunce, and onely hee does it to breed 

30 an opinion in the world, that he is such a great man 

in Ladies and Gentlewomens bookes that they are readie to 

run out of their wits for him, as in the Turkes Alchoron 

it is written that 2jo. Ladies hanged themselues for the 

toue of Mahomet, and that, like another Numa Pompilius, 

35 he doth nothing without his Nymph Egeria, 

Imp : Nay, if lupiter ioynd with the Moone (Haruey 
I and] in ColU, Gfo, 13 bucw, a6 consilium t Holy Q, Gro, 



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iia HAVE WITH YOV 

and his Gentlewoman) conspire c^ainst thee^ & that^ 
like another Messier Gallan, the Hang-man of Antwerp, 
he hath a whole Burdeil vnder his gouemement^ it cannot 
chuse but goe hard with thee. She will say^ as the 
Italian^ Lady did, KUl my children as long as thou wilt^ s 
here is the mould to make more. 

Consil: We read that Semiramis was in loue with 
a Horse, but for a Gentlewoman to bee in loue with an \ 
R 3^ Asse is such a tricke as neuer was. 

Respond: It would doo you good to heare how he lo 
gallops on in commending her; hee sayes shee enuies 
none but art in person and vertue incorporate, and that 
she is a Sappho, a Penelope, a Minerua, an Arachne^ 
a luno, yeelding to all that vse her and hers well, that 
she stands vpon masculine and not feminine termes, 15 
& her hoatest fury may bee resembled to the passing 
of a braue Careere by a Pegasus^ and wisheth hartily 
that he could dispose of her recreations. 

Camead : Call for a Beadle and hatu him away to 
Bridewell, for in euery sillable he commits letchery. «o 

Resp: He threats shee will strip my wit into his shirt, 
were that fayre body of the sweetest Venus in print, 
& that it will then appeare, as in a cleare Vrinall, whose 
wit hath the greene sicknes. 

Bent : If she strip thee to thy shirt, if I were as thee, tt 
I wold strip her to her smocke. 

Camead : That were to put that fayr est body of Venus in 
Print indeede with a witnes, and then shee neuer need 
to haue her water cast in an vrinaUfor the greene sicknes. 

Respond: She may be Queene Didoes peere for honestie 30 
for anie dealings I euer yet had with her; but anie 
Gentlewomans name put in his mouth, it is of more 
force to discredite it than Licophrons penne was to 
discredite Penelope, who, notwithstanding Homers praises 
of her, saith shee lay with all her wooers. 35 

Consil : Whether shee bee honest or no, he hath done 
enough to make her dishonesty since, as Ouid writes 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 113 

to a Leno, Vendibilis culpa fkcta puella sua est, he hath set 
her comvumly to sale in Poules Church-)rard. | 

Import: Let vs on with our Index or Catalogue^ andu^ 
descant no more of her^ since I am of the minde that^for all 

5 the stormes & tempests Haruey from her denounceth^ there 
is no such woman^ but tis onely a Fiction of his^ like 
Menanders Fable or Comedie cold Thessala, of women that 
could pluck back the Moone when they listed; or Eimius 
inuenticn of Dido, who^ writing of the deedes of Scipio, 

to first gaue life to that Legend, The Epistle Dedicatorie 
past^ the Gentlewomans demurre or Prologue staggers next 
after y the first line whereof is stolne out of the Ballet of 
Anne Askew ; for^ as that begins^ 

I am a woman poore and blinde, 

th so begins thisy 

O Muses, may a woman poore and blinde, 

and goes on^ 

1st possible for puling wench to tame 
The furibundall champion of fame? 

90 Bids thee hazard not, panting quill, thy aspen selfe, calls 
thee bombard-goblin, and most railipotent for euerie raine ; 
then followeth shee with a counter Sonnet or correction 
of her owne preamble ^ where there is nothing but braggar- 
dous affronts, white liuerd tronts, where doth the vranie or 

95 furie ring, pulcrow implements, Banters scar-crow Presse ; 
and endes with Vltrix accincta flagello. 

Respond: Y^, Madam Gdbrielay are you such an old 
ierker? then Hey dmg a ding, vp with your petticoate, 
haue at your plum-tree : but the style bewraies it, that no 

30 other is this goodwife Megara but Gabriel himself ; so 
doth the counter-sonnet and the correction of preambles, 
which is his methode as right as a fiddle. I will neuer 
open my lips to confute anye rag of it, it confu-|ting R 4"^ 
it selfe sufficiently in the verie rehearsall. And so doth 
XU I 



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114 HAVE WITH YOV 

that which is annexed to it, of her olde Comedie new 
intituled, where she saith her prose is as resolute as Beuis 
swords calls mee rampant beast in formidable kide^ 
with I wot not what other GetuUan slabberies; scarre- 
bugges mee with a Comedie, which shee hath scrawld and 5 
scribeld vp against mee. But wee shall lenuoy him, and 
tmmpe and poope him well enough if the winde come 
in that doore, and he will needes fall a Comedizing it 
Comedie vpon Comedie he shall haue, a Morall, a Historie, 
a Tragedie, or what hee will. One shal bee called The 10 
Doctors dumpey another, Haruey and his excellent Gentle* 
woman^ Madame Whipsidoxy^ a third, The triumphes 
of Saffron-walden^ with the merrie concepts of Wee three^ 
or, The three Brothers; a fourth, Stoope Gallant^ or The 
Fall of pride; the fifth and last, A pleasant Enterlude of 15 
No foole to the old Foole, with a ligge at the latter ende 
in English Hexameters of O neighbour Gabriell^ and his 
wooing of Kate Gotten. More than half of one of these 
I haue done alreadie, and in Candlemas Tearme you shal 
see it acted, though better acted than hee hath been at 90 
Cambridge^ hee can neuer bee ; where vpon euerie Stage hee 
hath beene brought for a Sicophant and a Sow-gdder. 

Bent : Wilt thou haue nere a plucke at him for Danters 
scar-crow Presse, and so abusing thy Printer t 

Resp : In pudding time you haue spoken : my Printer, 95 
who euer, shall sustain no damage by me: & where 
hee tearmeth his Presse a Scar-crow Presse^ he shall find 
it will scare & crow ouer the best Presse in London 
that shall Print a Reply to This. Hee that dares most, 
let him trie it, (as none will trie it that hath a care to line | so 
S I by his trade, not a hundred of anie Impression of the 
Doctors bookes euer selling.) My Printers Wife too 
hee hath had a twitch at in two or tibree places about the 
midst of his booke, and makes a maulkin & a shoo-dout of 
her, talkes of her moody tungy and that she wil teach z$ 
the storme winde to scolde English; but let him looke 

15 Pridi CpU^ Gr§. 16 N0 F09U CM^ Gr9. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 115 

to himselfe, for though in all the time I haue lyne in 
her House, and as long as I haue knowen her, I neuer saw 
anie such thing by her, yet since hee hath g^u'n her so 
good a cause to finde her tung, and so vniustly & despite- 

$ fully prouokt her, shee will tell him such a tale in his eare, 
the next time shee meetes him, as shall bee worse than 
a Northern blast to him, and haue a hand-full of his 
beard (if hee defend not himselfe the better) for a nutulkin 
or wispe to wype her shooes with. 

10 Import : The Gentlewoman hauing taken her Lenuoy 
or Farewell^ Bamabe Barnes steps in with An Epistle to 
the right Worshipfull his espedall deare Frend, M. Gabriell 
Haruey^ Doctor of the Law. 

Respo: It were no booke else, if one or other were 

15 not drawne in to call him Right Worshipfull \ & when hee 
hath no bodie to help him, he gets one of his Brothers to 
Epistle it to him, or, in their absence, faines an Epistle in 
their names, where his stile to the ful shalbe set in great 
letters, like a Bill for a House to be let: and, vppon 

to paine of excommunication with bell, book, & capdle, none 
of his Brothers must publish anie thing, but to his Dottrel- 
ship they must frame the like dedication. 

Import: The tenure of that scrimpum scrampum of 
Barneses is no mare but this^ to exhort the sweet Doctor 

t5 (as hee names him) to confound those viperous criticall 
monsters: where too hee is manifestly vrged ; though he 
bee I fitter to encounter some more delicate Paranymphes^ S i^ 
and honour the Vrany of Du Bartas. Hee hath a Sonet 
with it^ wherein hee inuokes and coniures vp all Romes 

V^ learned Orators^ sweete Grecian Prophets^ Philosophers^ 
wisest States-men^ reuerend general Councells^ all in one^ 
to behold the Doctors ennobled Arts, as precious stones 
in gold. At the foote of that {like a right Pupill of the 
Doctors bringing vp) hee inserteth his pd$t'Script or correction 

35 of his Preamble^ with a Counter-sonnety superscribed Nash, 
or the confuting Gentleman. In which hee besmeares & 
reuiles thee with all the cutpurse names that is possible ^ 

1% 



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ii6 HAVE WITH YOV 

and sayes hee cannot bethinke him of names HI enough^ 
since thou raylst at one whom Bodine & Sidney did not 
flatter. 

Respond: No more will I flatter him; hee may build 
vpon it. Thus it Is: there was sometimes some pretys 
expectation of this Patter-waUet & Megiddo that now 
I am a salting and poudring of; and then Sir Philip Sidney 
(as he was a naturall cherisher of men of the least to- 
wardnes in anie Arte whatsoeuer) held him in some good 
regard, and so did most men ; & (it may be) some kinde lo 
Letters hee writ to him, to encourage and animate him 
in those his hopefull courses he was entred into: but 
afterward, when his ambitious pride and vanitie vnmaskt 
it selfe so eg^^ously, both in his lookes, his gate, his 
gestures, and speaches, and hee would do nothing but crake i$ 
and parret it in Print, in how manie Noble-mens fauours 
hee was, and blab euerie light speach they vttred to him in 
priuate, cockering & coying himselfe beyond imagination ; 
then Sir Philip Sidney (by little and little) hegaoi to looke 
askance on him, and not to care for him, though vtterly m 
S s shake him off | hee could not, hee would so fawne & hang 
vpon him. For M. Bodines commendation of him, it is no 
more but this, one coplementarie Letter asketh another; 
& Gabriell first writing to him, and seeming to admire him 
and his workes, hee could doo no lesse in humanitie (bee- 15 
ing a SchoUer) but retume him an answere in the like 
nature. But my yong Master Barnabe the bright, and his 
kindnes (before anie desert at all of mine towards him 
might plucke it on or prouoke it), I neither haue nor 
will bee vnmindfuU of. 30 

Import : Here is another Sonet of his^ which hee cols 
Haruey, or The sweete Doctour, consisting of Sidney, 
Bodine, Hatcher, Lewen, Wilson, Spencer ; that all their 
life time haue done nothing but conspire to lawd and honour 
Poet Gabriell. 35 

Respond: Miserum est fuisse fcelicenu It is a miserable 
3a Sweete CoU.^ Gr9. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 117 

thing for a man to be said to haue had frends, and now to 
haue nere a one left. 

Import : WAat saisi thou to the Printers Aduertisement 
to the Gentletnan Reader? 

5 Respond: I say, ware 5rou breake not your shins in the 
third line on preambles and postambles ; and that it is not 
the Printers, but Harueys. 

Imp: In it he makes mention of Thorius & Chutes 
Sonets to bee added^prefixed^ inserted^ or annexed at the latter 

loende. 

Respond: The latter end? but the banning of the 
tyde it may bee for the flowing. 

Import: As also a third learned French Gentlemans 
verses. Monsieur Fregeuile Gautius, who, both in French 

15 and Latine^ hath publisht some weightie Treatises. 

Respond: Were thqr weightie Treatises? the Prin-|ters S a^ 
purse neuer so ; but in this respect they might bee tearmd 
to be weightie, that they were so heauie, they would nere 
come out of Poules Churchryard. I will haue a sound lift 

so at him anone, for all his Mathematical deuices of his owne 
inuention, wherewith hee hath acquainted Ma. Doctour 
Haruey, nothing so good as a knife with prickles in the haft, 
or these Boyes paper-dragons that they let fly with a pack- 
thrid in the fields. 

as Import : His booke — 

Respond: Hand off, there is none but I will haue the 
vnclasping of that, because I can doo it nimblest It is 
deuided into foure parts; one against mee, the second 
against M. Lilly, the third against Martinists, the fourth 

30 against D. Perne. Neither are these parts seuerally dis- 
tinguished in his order of handling, but, like a Dutch 
stewd-pot, iumbled altogether, and linsey-wolsey wouen 
one within another. But one of these parts falleth to 
my share, I being bound to answer for none but my selfe ; 

35 yet if I speake a good word now & then for my frends by 
the way, they haue the more to thanke mee for. 

13 Imort : Q. %i hooke^l (Mr. bcaki, Q, Gtv. 



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ii8 HAVE WITH YOV 

Incipit Caput primum. 

/ was euer vnwilling to vndertake anie thing, &c. 

You ly, you ly, Gabriell, I know what you are about to 
saye, but He shred you off three leaues at one blowe. 
You were most willing to vndertake this controuersy, 5 
for els you would neuer haue first begun it; you wold 
neuer haue lyne writing against mee here in London^ in the 
verie hart of the Plague, a whole Summer ; or after (through 
your Frends intreatie) wee were recondlde, popt out your 
Booke against me. Now say what you will of being vrgd, 10 
S 3 loosing of tiffte, imptidencie and slan-\der, & another Table 
Philosophie that ye fancy ; for there is not a dog vnder the 
table that will beleeue you. 

Sa ho: hath Apuleius euer an Attumey here? One 
Apuleius (by the name of Apuleius) he endites to be an 15 
engrosser of arts and inuentions, putting downe Plato, 
Hippocrates, Aristotle, and the Paragraphs of lustinian. 
Non est inuentus : there's no such man to be found ; let 
them that haue the Commission for the Cocealments 
looke after it, or the Man in the Moone put for it ao 
Gabriell casts a vile tearing eye at me, as who should saye 
he quipt me secretly vnder it, if he durst vtter so much. 
Abo in that which succeedeth of One that is a common 
contemner of God and man, stampes and treades vnder 
his foote the reuerentest old and new Writers, opposeth n 
himself e against Vniuersities, Parliaments, and generall 
Councells, encloseth all within his owne braine, and is a 
changer^ an innouater, a cony-catcher, a rimer, a rayler, 
that outfaceth heauen and earth. But soft you now, how 
is all this or anie part of this to bee prou'd ? make account 30 
he will (vpon his oath) denie it. Hath he spoken, printed, 
written, contriuedy or imagined, or caused to bee spoken, 
written, printed, contriued, or imagined, anie thing against 
these? or exprest in his countenaunce the least wincke 
of dislike of them ? Let some instance of that be produced, 35 

a eu*r\ neuer Gro. 



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TO SAFFRON.WALDEN 119 

and he be not able to refute it, He vndertake for him 
(which is the most ignominious imposition he can tie 
himselfe to) he shall giue thee his tung for a rag to wype 
thy taile with, and haue his right hand cut off for thy 

5 Mother to hang out for an ale-house signe. Cannot a man 
dedaime against a Catalonian and a Hethite^ a MoabiU 
Gabriell and an Amorite Dicke^ but all the ancient 
Fathers, all the renou-|med Philosophers, Orators, Poets, S 3^ 
Historiographers, and old & new excellent Writers must 

10 bee disparaged and trode vnder foote, God and man 
contemned and set at nought ? Vniuersities, Parliaments, 
general Councells oppugned? and he must be another 
Romane Palenum^ who vaunted all Science began and 
ended with him ? a changer, an innouater, a cony-catcher, 

15 a railer, and out*facer of heauen and earth. 

Is there such high treason comprehended vnder calling 
a foppe a foppe, & cudgelling a curre for his snarling? 
Or is it thus ? our iracundious Stramufgen Gabriell^ stand- , 
ing much vpon his reading, and that all the Libraries of the 

toauncient Fathers, renowmed Philosophers, Poets, Orators, 
Historiographers, and olde and new excellent Writers, are 
hoorded vp in the Amaltfueas Home of his braine, with what- 
soeuer Constitutions and Decretalls of generall Councells and 
Parliaments, and for he hath commenst in both Vniuer« 

95 sides, therefore he concludes. He which writes against 
him must write against them all, & so {fer consequens) 
vaimt him aboue all ; and if he vaunts him aboue them 
aU, he is a changer^ an innouater^ an impostor^ a railer at 
aU^ & confounds heauen and earth. This is the tydiest 

30 Argument he can frame to make his matter good, though 
it foilowes no more than that a man should bee helde 
a traitor and accused to haue abusde the Queene and 
Counsaile and the whole State, for calling a fellowe knaue 
that hath read the Booke of Statutes, since by them all in 

as generall they were made. 

15 lailer, an ont-fiicer CoU.^ Giv. i8 is it] CoiLy Gro, : it is Q. thus, 
oar Q, C<9//., Gf9* 94 Parliaments t and C^//., Gro. 



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Cam : TJum art vnwise to canuaze it so much^ for Jue 
thrust it in but for a RhetoricaU figure of amplification. 

Respond: Rhetorical! figure? and if I had a hundred | 
S 4 sonnes, I had rather haue them disfigur'd, & keep them at 
home as cyphers, than send them to schoole to learn to 5 
figure it after that order. 

Carnead : You may haue them worse brought vp^ for so 
you should be sure neuer to haue them counted lyers^ since 
Rhetoricians^ though they lye neuer so grosely^ are but said 
to haue a luxurious phrase^ to bee eloquent amplifiers^ to beexo 
full of their pleasant Hyperboles^ or speake by Ironies ; and 
if they raise a slaunder vpon a man of a thing done at home^ 
when heeis a 1000. mile off, it is but Prosopopeya, persons 
fictio, the supposing or faining of a person : and they will 
alledge Tully, Demosthenes, Demades, Aeschines, and is 
shew you a whole Talaeus & Ad Herennium of figures for 
it, foure and fiftie times more licentious. These Arith- 
metique figurers are such like ii^ling transformers, lying 
by Addition and Numeration, making frayes and quar- 
relling by Diuision, getting wenches with childe by Multi- ao 
plication, stealing by Substraction ; and if in these humors 
they haue consumd all, and are fcdne to breake, they doo it 
by Fraction. 

Respond: That last part of Arithmetique (which is 
Fraction or breaking) I intend to teach Gdbriel\ thogh as 
to all the other, as Addition, Deuision, Rebating or 
Substraction, of his owne ingrafted disposition hee is apt 
inough ; and so hee is to Multiplication too, hee hauing, since 
I parted with him last, got him a Gentlewoman. 

Bentiu : Both thou and hee talke much of that Gentle^ 30 
woman, but I would we might know her, and see her vnhukt 
and naked once, as Paris, in Lucians Dialogues, desires 
Mercury hee might see the three Goddesses naked, that str one 
for the golden Ball. \ 
S 4"^ Carnead : The Venus shee is that wouldwin it from them 35 
all, if the controuersie were now afloate againe : and, which . 
i%Jigiires Gro. suck, Hke Coll, Gro. 31 vnhMki\ vmbuskt CM., Gr9. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 121 

thou pretermittedst before^ he puts her in print for a 
Ytnus,yet desires to see her a Venus in print; publisheth 
her for a strumpet {for no better was Venus) and yet he would 
haue her a strumpet more publique. 

5 Respond: By that name had hee not so publisht her, yet 
his peacocke-pluming her like another Pandora^ (from Poets 
too parasiticall commending of whome first grew the name 
of Pandare^ though Sir Philip Sidney fetcheth it out of 
Plauius) through his incredible praising of her, I say, 

10 (wherein one quarter of his Book is spent,) he hath brought 
all the world into a perswasion that shee is as common as 
Rubarbe among Phisitions ; since (as Thucidides pro- 
nounceth) shee is the honestest woman, of whose praise or 
dispraise is least spoken. My pen, he prodigally insulteth, 

15 shee shall pumpe to as drie a spunge as anie is in Hosier 
Lane, and wring our braines like emptie purses. Idem per 
idem in sense he speakes, though it be not his comparison, 
and, Tamburlain-'V^i^^ hee braues it indesinently in her 
behalfe, setting vp bills, like a Bear-ward or Fencer, what 

ao fights we shall haue and what weapons she will meete 
me at. 

Con : Fasilia, the daughter of Pelagius, King of Spain, 
was torne inpeices by a Beare : & so I hope thou wilt tear 
her and tug with her^ if she begin once toplaye the Deuill of 

35 Dowgate : but as there was a woman in Roome that had 
her childe slaine with thunder and lightning in her wombe 
ere she was deliuerd^ so it is like inough hers will bee^ and 
proue an Embrion, and we shall neuer see it: or if wee doo, 
lookefor another armed Pallas issuing out of loues brainey 

30 or an Amazonian Hippolite, that will bee \ good inough for T i 
Theseus ; or the female of the Aspis, who {if her mate be 
kild by any passenger in the way) thorough fire ^ thorough the 
thickest assembly she will pursue him, or anie thing but 
water. 

35 Bentiu : In some Countreys no woman is so honorable as 
she that hath had to doo with most men^ and can giue the 
I pretermittedst brfere^ d, Cell,, Gre, : preterwrittedst too before^ a. 



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lustiest striker oddes by 2j* times in one night, as Messalina 
did; and so it is with this his bratche, or bitch-foxe. 

Consil : Agelastus, Grand-father to Crassus, neuer laught 
but once in his life, and that was to see a mare eate thistles ; 
so this will be a iest to make one laugh that lyes a dyings to 5 
see a Gillian draggell taile run her taile into a bushe of 
thomes^ because her nailes are not long inough to scratch it^ 
&r play at welters with a quit for the britches. 

Cam : Multi ilium iuuenes, multae petiere puellae, Boyes, 
wenches^ and euerie one pursue him for his beauty. 10 

Non caret effectu, quod voluere duo, 

Thou canst neuer hold out^ if thou wert Hercules, if two to 
one encounter thee. 

Respo : Quis nisi mentis inops tenerse declamai amicse t 
Who but an Ingram cosset would keepe such a courting of 15 
a Curtezan to haue her combat for him ; or doo as Dick 
Haruey did, (which information piping hot in the midst of 
this line was but brought to mee^) that, hauing preacht and 
beat downe three pulpits in inueighing against dauncing, 
one Sunday euening, when hys Wench or Friskin was ao 
footing it aloft on the Greene, with foote out and foote in, 
and as busie as might be at Rogero, Basilinoy Turkelony^ 
All the flowers of the broom. Pepper is blacky Greene sleeues, 
Peggie Ramsey, he came sneaking behinde a tree and lookt 
on, and though hee was loth to be seene to countenance as 
T I"" the sport, hauing | laid Gods word against it so dreadfully, 
yet, to shew his good-will to it in hart, hee sent her 18. 
pence in hugger mugger to pay the fidlers? let it sink 
into ye, for it is true & will be verefide. Let Gabriel 
verefie anie one thing so against mee, and not thinke to 30 
Carrie it away with hys generall extenuatings^ ironicall 
amplifications, and declamatorie exclamations. Nor let him 
muckehill vp so manie pages in saying he lookt for termes 
of aquafortis and gunpowder, and that / haue thundred and 
gnln out tragically, when nought appeares but the sword of 35 

I k$steest Q. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 123 

cats-meate^ and the fire-brand of dogs-meate^ and Aut nunc 
out nunguam, and two staues and a pike: but let him shew 
what part of that his first Booke I haue not, from the 
crowne to the little toe, confuted, and laid as open as 
5 a custard or a cowsheard ; and if my Booke bee cats-tneate 
and dogs-meate^ his is much worse, since on h}rs mine hath 
his whole foundation and dependance, and I doo but 
paraphrase vpon his text. Something that he grounds this 
cats^meate and dogs-meate on, I will not with-stand but 

xo I haue lent him ; as in my Epistle to Apis lapis ^ where 
I wish him to let Chaucer be new scowrd against the day of 
battaiUy and Terence but come in now and then with the snuff e 
of a sentence and Dictum puta, wei^l strike it as dead as a 
doore-naUe^ Haud teruntij estimo, we haue cats-meate & 

15 dogs-meate inoughfor these mungrels. Hence, as if I had 
continually harpt vppon it, in euerie tenth line of my Book 
he saith I do nothing but assaile him with cats-meat & 
dogs-meat^ when there is not anie more spoken of it than I 
haue shewd you. So Aut nunc aut nunquam he brings in 

30 for a murdring shot, beeing neuer my Posie, but Aut 
nunquam tentesy aut perfice^ at the latter end of my Foure 
Letters ; | speaking to him, that he shuld not go about to T a 
answere me, except he set it soundly on; for, otherwise, 
with a sound counterbufTe I would make his eares ring 

%% againe, and haue at him with two staues & a pike, which 
was a Idnde of old verse in request before he fdl a rayling 
at Turberuile or Elderton. Some Licosthenes reading 
(which showes plodding & no wit) he hath giu'n a twinck- 
ling glimps of, &, like a school-boy, said ouer his gear to his 

^o vnckles & kinsfolk, and tels what Authours he hath read, 
when he floted in the sea of encounters ; which, for ought 
he hath alleadgd out of them, he may haue stolne by the 
whole sale out of Ascanius^ or Andrew Maunsells English 
Catalogue. No villaine, no Atheist, no murdrer, no traitor, 

35 no Sodomite hee euer read of but he hath likend mee too, 
or in a superlatiue d^ree made me a monster beyond him, 
for no other reason in the earth but because I would not let 



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104 HAVE WITH YOV 

him go besrond me, or be won to put my finger in my mouth 
& crie mumbudget, when he had baffuld mee in print 
throughout England. The victorioust Captaines and 
Warriours, the inuinciblest Csesars and Conquerours, 
the satyricallest confuters and Lutkers (like whom the 5 
Germanes affirme neuer anie in their tung writ so forcible) 
in an Alphabet he trowles vp, and sayes I out-strip them 
all, I set them all too schoole. The quarsum or quare^ if 
you demaund, is this, I haue out-stript and set him to schoole, 
and he is sure he is a better man than anie of them. The 10 
verie guts and garbage of his Note-book he hath put into 
this tallow loafe, & not left anie Frezeland, Dutch, or Almain 
scribe (where diey Commence and doo their Actes with 
writing Bookes) that hath but squibd foorth a Latin 
Ti^'Puerilis in Print, or | set his name to a Catechisme, 15 
vncdpared or vnscoard. A true Pellican he is, that peirceth 
his breast & lets out all hb bowels to giue life to his yong. 
No Author but himselfe and NasAe heereafter he can cyte, 
which hee hath not stalified worse than SapiSs dominabiiur 
astris^ the ordinarie Posie for all Almanackes, or the 30 
presenting of Artaxerxes with a cup of water, vsde in euerie 
Epistle Dedicatorie; and those two hee hath wrought 
reasonably vpon, hauing wome the first (which is himselfe) 
naplesse, & the other owes him nothing. Against blas- 
phemous Seruetus or Muretus or Surius, that haue been so 35 
bold with her Maiestie and this State, was thys Inuectiue 
of his first armd and aduanced ; which (vppon the missing 
his preferment or aduauncement in Court) he supprest, and 
in the bottom of a rustie hamper let it lye asleepe by him, 
(euen as he did the Aduertisement against Pap-hatchet & 30 
Martin^ which he hath yoakt with it, by his own date, euer 
since 89.) and now, with putting in new names here and 
there of Nashe & Piers Pennilesse^ he hath so pannyerd 
and drest it that it seemes a new thing, though there be no 
new thing in it that claimes anie kindred of mee, more than 35 

a he] be Q. 13 and and Q. 19 stalified] steUified Q. Corr. in 

Errata 0t X 3\ 25 «SWnW] Stmius Q. Carr. im Errata 9H X 3^ 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 125 

a dozen of famisht quips, but, like a lose French cassock or 
gabberdine, would fit any man. Those more appropriate 
blowes ouer the thumbe are these. My praising of Aretine ; 
90 did he before me, the verie words whereof I haue set 

5 downe in my other Booke : my excepting against his 
Doctorship ; better Doctors than euer he wil be put it in my 
head, and if therein I misreport, I erre by authoritie. My 
calling him a fawne-guest messenger betwixt M. Bird and 
M. Demetrius, in the campanie of one of which he neuer 

iodin^dnersuptthis6.yeres; &for\ the other ^he neuer drunke'^l 
with to this day: he may be a fawn-guest in his intent 
neuertheles, and if he neither eate nor drunck at 
M. Demetriusy why did he so familiarly write to him, M. 
Demetrius, in your absence I found your wife verie cur teous t 

15 For a great trespasse he layes it to me, in that / haue 
praised her Mcdesties affabilitie towards SchoUers, and 
attributed to Noble-men so much poUicy & wisdome as to 
haue apriuy watch word in their praises^ and crossing his 
sleight opinion of Inuectiues & Satyr es. Like Sophisticall 

ao Disputers that only rehearse, not answere, he runs on tell- 
ing how / hauefatherd on him a new Part of Tully, which 
hefetcht out of a wall at Barnwell, euen as Poggius in an 
old Monasterie found out a new Part of Quintillian, after 
it had bin manie hundred yeres lost; my taking vpon me to 

35 be Greenes aduocate; my threatning so incessantly to haunt 
the Ciuilian & the Deuine^ that^ to auoid the hot chase of my 
fierie guill^ they shall be constrained to enskonse themselues 
in one of their Phisition Brothers old vrinaU cases : my 
calling him butter-whore^ & bidding him^ Rip^ rip^ you 

10 kitchin^stuffe wrangler; my accusing him of carterly 
derisions and mUk-maids girds^ as^ Good bearCy bite noty A 
matCs a man thcgh he hath but a hose on his head. Pulchre 
mehercule dictumy sapientery lauti, lepide, nil suprd^ nothing so 
good as the iests of the Councell Table asse, Richard Clarke. 

3S Camead : Yes^ that he doth more than rehearse^ for he 

10 fir- q, 16 SMUrs Q. 30 kitckm'St9^i\ kiUMtt-stu/U Q: 

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mainiains them to be the Ironies ^t/* Socrates, Aristophanes, 
Epicbarmus, Ludan, TuUy, Quintillian, Sanazarius, K. 
Alphonsus, Cardan, Sir Th. Moore, Isocrates; looke the 
first ij6. Page of his Booke^ & ye shalfinde it so. 

Bentiu : Whaty had they no better iests than Good beare, 5 
T ^ bite not, or A man is a man though he hath but a | hose on 
his head, Pulchre mehercule dictum? O^ dishonor to the 
house from whence they cornel 

Resp : He chargeth mee to haue derided and abused the 
most valorous MathematicaU Arts; let him shewe me 10 
wherein, and I will answere : of palpable Atheisme he 
condemnes me^ for drinking a cup of lambswooll to the 
health of his Brothers Booke, cold The Lamb of God & his 
Enemies ; then what Atheists are they that tume it to wast 
paper and goe to the priuy with it ? as to no other vses it i| 
is conuerted, it lying dead & neuer selling: and againe 
with the Atheist he spur-gals mee, in that / iestedat heauen^ 
calling it the hauen where his deceased Brother is arriued. 

Camead: Is it a iest that his brother is arriu'd in 
heauen f he is in hell then belike, to 

Consil : A more likelier peice of Atheisme thou maist 
vrge against him^ where he saith in one leafe that one acre 
of performance is worth twentte of the Land of Promise : as 
though God had not performd to the Children of Israel the 
Land of Promise he vowd to them. 95 

Resp: The deepe cut out of my grammer Rules, 
Astra petit disertusy he hits me with. I am sorry for 
it I slanderd him so, for he was neuer eloquent ; if he bee 
not aboue the starres, I would hee were. Hee complaines 
/ doo not regard M. Bird, M. Spencer, Mounsieur Bodin. 30 
In any thing but in praising him, and therin as Aristotle 
non vidit verum in spiritualibuSy nor Barnard all things ; 
so they may haue theyr eyes daxeled. To a bead-roll 
of learned men and Lords hee appealed, whether he 
be an Asse or no^ ia the forefront of whom he puts M. 35 
Thomas Watson, the Poet. A man he was that I dearely 
4 ^ w G. II ^alM/4 Q. 36 Poet A] CM, Gro.x Poet: A Q. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN w; 

lou'd and honored, and for | all things hath left few his T 4 
equalls in England*, he it was that, in the company 
of diuers Gentlemen one night at supper at the Nags 
head in Cheape, first told me of his vanitie» and those 

5 Hexameters made of him, 

£ut^ o^ what newes of that good Gabriell Haruey, 
Knowne to the world for afoole and clapt in the Fleet for 
a Rimer t 
For the other graue men, they all speak as their fore-man. 

\o His imprisonment in the Fleete^ he affirmes^ is a lewd 
supposall (the Hexameter vearse before prooues it), as 
also his writing the welwillers Epistle in praise of himselfe, 
before his first foure Letters a yeare ago. The Compo- 
sitor that set it swore to mee it came vnder his owne 

15 hand to bee printed. Hee bids the world examine the 
Preamble before the Supplication to the diuell, and see 
ifldoo not praise my selfe^ and that the tenour of the stile 
& identity of the phrase proues it to be mine. He needed 
not go so far about to sent me out by my stile and 

30 my phrase^ for if he had euer ouerlookt it he would haue 
seene my name to it, and besides, another argument that 
he neuer read it is (which whosoeuer shal peruse it wil 
finde) it is altogether in my owne dispraise and disabling, 
and grieuing at the imperfect printing and misinterpreting 

s5of it; let him shewe mee but one tittle or letter in it 
tending to any other drift. He vpbraides me by the poore 
felkw my Fathers putting me to my scribling shifts^ 
and haw I am beholding to the Printing-house for my 
poore shifts of apparaile: My Father put more good 

30 meate in poore mens mouthes than all the ropes & liuing 
is worth his Father left him, together with his mother and 
two brothers ; and (as another SchoUer) he brought me vp 
at .S*. lohns^ where | (it b well knowen) I might haue been T 4"^ 
Fellow if I had would : and for deriuing my maintenaunce 

35 from the Printing-house, so doo both Vniuersities, and 
whosoeuer they be that come vp by Learning, out of 
16 DioeU CM.^ Gro. 22 is, wbidi (whosoeuer Q. 



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t Printers 
beftting 
withinke 
balles. 



Printed Bookes gathering all they haue; and would not 
haue furre to put in -their gownes, if it, or writing, were not 
But if hee meane that from writing to the Presse I scrape 
vp my exhibition, let him scrape it out for a lye; till 
the Impression of this Book, I hauing got nothing bys 
Printing these three yeres. But when I doo play my 
Prizes in Print, He be paid for my paines, that's once ; 
& not make my selfe a gazing stocke and a publique 
spectacle to all the world for nothing, as he does, that giues 
money to be scene and haue his wit lookt vpon, neuer lo 
Printing booke yet for whose Impression he hath not 
either paid or run in debt Printers (aboue all the rest) 
haue nothing to thanke him for, in his Praise of the asse 
he putting in the Presse for the arrantest Asse of all^ 
because it is such a meanes to presse him to death, and i$ 
confound him. Banters Presse sweares after three Forme 
a day, since he hath giuen it the Presse and di^ac'tthem, 
it will (how euer others n^lect it) neuer haue done 
X beating vppon him ; nor hath it acquitcd him for calling 
me Banters gentleman^ who is as good at all times as so 
Wolfes right worshipfuU Gabriell, or the gentleman he 
brings in reading a Chapter (Colledge fashion at dinner 
time) against Piers & his proceedings^ and the approbation 
of his Bocterly reincounter. Applaud and partake with 
him who list, this is my deiinitiue position ; which Anax- 15 
andrides, a Comick Poet, said of the A^yptian super- 
stition, Maximam AngtUllam^ quam Beum putanty comedo; 
Vicanem quern colunt ver'\bero: They worship the great 
Eele for a God, which I eate or disgest ; and the Dog tliey 
adore, I spume or driue out of dores. Hidras heads p 
I should go about to cut off, (as Tacitus sales of them 
that thinke to cut off all discommodities or inconueniences 
from the Lawes,) if I should vndertake to run thrc^hout all 
the foolish friuolous reprehensions & cauils he hath in his 
Booke. I will take no knowledge oi\^ tale of ten egs for U 



I Boookes Q. ilAsseCM^Gro, 

they ColL^ Gr9. s9 £cele Q. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 129 

a penny ^ and nine of them rotten; a gormandizing break- 
fast^ he safes, / was at ofegs and butter ; which if he can 
name where, when, or with whom, I will giue him an 
annuitie of ^-pyes. No more will I of his calling me 

6 Captaine of the boyes^ and Sir KiUprick ; which is a name 
fitter for his Piggen de wiggen^ or gentlewoman: or els, 
because she is such a hony sweetikin, let her bee Prick- 
fnadam^ of which name there is a flower ; & let him take 
it to himselfe, and raigne intire Cod-pisse Kinko^ and Sir 

10 Murdred of placards, durante bene placito, as long as he is 
able to please or g^ue them geare. Likewise the Captain- 
ship of the boyes I tosse backe to him, he hauing a whole 
Band of them to write in his praise : but if so he terme me 
in respect of the minoritie of my beard, he hath a beard 

15 like a Crow with two or three durtie strawes in her mouth, 
goii^ to build her neast. See him & see him not I will, 
about that his meazild inuention of the Good-wife my 
mothers finding her daughter in the ouen^ where she would 
neuer haue sought her^ if she had not been there first her 

ioselfe: (a hackny prouerb in mens mouths euer since 
K. Lud was a little boy, or SelinuSy Brennus brother, 
for the loue hee bare to oysters built Billinsgate ;) ther- 
fore there is no more to be said to it, but if he could haue 
told how to haue made | a better lye he would. I will not V iX 

25 present into the Arches or Commissaries Court what 
prinkum prankums Gentlemen (his nere neighbors) haue 
whispred to me of his Sister, and how shee is as good 
a fellow as euer tumd belly to belly ; for which she is not 
to be blam'd^ but I rather pitie her and thinke she cannot 

30 doc withall, hauing no other dowrie to marie her. Good 
Lord, how one thing brings on another ; had it not bin for 
his baudy sister, I should haue forgot to haue answerd 
for the baudie rymes he threapes vpon me. Are they 
rimes} and are they baudie} and are they mine} Well, it 

55 may be so that it is not so ; or if it be, men in their youth 
(as in their sleep) manie times doo something that might 
haue been better done, & they do not wel remember. 
lU K 



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O 



Yes. Be it knowen vnto all men by these presents, 
that whatsoeuer names of Duns^ asse^ or Dorbell 
I haue giu n Gabriel Haruey^ or of a kitchin stuffe wrangler^ 
and reading the Lecture of Ram alley ^ I will still perseuer 
and insist in ; as also, that I wilbe as good as my word in 5 
defending any (but abhominable Atheists) that shall 
write against him; that I wil still maintaine there is in 
court but one true Diana^ & so wil all that are true 
subiects to her Maiestie ; that I think as reuerently 
of London as of any Citie in Europe^ though I doo not cal lo 
: He might it the % Madam Towne of the Realme, as he hath done, 
havTodd *^^ ^^^ ^ ^^^^ "^ place better gouemed, how euer in 
it the so great a sea of all waters there cannot chuse but be 
orD^htt ^^^^ quick-sands and rockes & shelues ; that I neuer so 
Towne. much as in thought detracted from Du Bartas^ Buchanan^ X5 
or anie generall allowed moderne Writer, howere Gnimelfe 
V % Hengist here giues out, with-|out naming time, place, or to 
whome I did, how / vowd to confute them all; that Mast. 
Lilly neuerprocur^d Greene or mee to write against him^ but 
it was his own first seeking and beginning in The Lamb of to 
God^ where he and his Brother (that loues dauncing so 
wel) scummerd out betwixt thg an Epistle to the Readers 
against all Poets and Writers ; & M. Lilly & me by 
name he beruffianizd & berascald, copar'd to Martin^ 
& termd vs piperly make-plaies and make-bates^ yet bad vs H 
holde our peace & not be so hardie as to answere him^ 
for if we did^ he would make a bloodie day in Poules 
Church-yard, & splinter our pens til they stradled again as 
wide as a paire of Compasses. Further be it knowen 
vnto you, that before this Ipraisde him (after a sort) in an 30 
Epistle in Greenes Menaphon. 
Bentiu : But didst thou so f 

Respon : O, what do you meane to hinder my Proclama- 
tion? I did, I did, as vnfainedly and sincerely as, in 
hb first butter-fly Pamphlet against Greene^ he praisd me 35 
for that proper yong man, Greenes fellow Writer^ whom 
17 with I out Q. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 131 

(in sofpti respects) he wishi well too ; as also in hys Booke 
he writ against Greene and mee, he raild vppon me vnder 
the name of Piers PenniUsse^ and for a bribe that I should 
not reply on him praisd me, and reckond me (at the 

5 latter end) amongst the famous Schollers of our time, as 
S. Philip Sidney f M. Watson, M. Spencer^ M. Danielle whom 
he hartily thankt^ & promised to endow with manie 
complements for so enriching our English Tongue. 

Consil : Then what an Asse is hee to call thee an Asse for 

10 praising him, 6* after thou hadst praisd him {though it was 
but pretie and so^ for a Latine Poet after others) \ vpon V a^ 
a good turn done him (6* no iniurie fore-running) to build 
the foundation of a quarrell. 

Resp: Further than further bee it knowne (since I had 

15 one further before) I neuer abusd Marloe^ Greene^ Chettle 
in my life, nor anie of my frends that vsde me like a frend ; 
which both Marloe and Greene (if they were aliue) 
vnder their hands would testifie, euen as Harry Chettle 
hath in a short note here. 

ao T Hold it no good manners (M. Nashe), being but an 
JL Artificer^ to giue D. Haruey the ly^ though he haue 
desertid it by publishing in Print you haue done mee wrongs 
which priuately I neuer found; yet to confirme by my Art 
in deed^ what his calling forbids mee to affirme in word, your 

J5 booke being readiefor the Presse^ He square & set it out in 
Pages, that shall page and lackey his infamie after him {at 
least) while he liueSf if no longer. 

Your old Compositer, 

Henry Chettle. 

so Impo : Yes, Greene he conuinces thee to haue abided, in 
that thy defence of him is a more biting commendation 
than his reproofe. 

Respond: It is so hereticall a falsifier^ a man had not 

need talke with him without a Bible in the roome ; for it 

IS may be he Rath some care of his oath, if it be not in a 

matter of reconciliation, or repassing of money, as to Dexter s 

Ka 



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13% HAVE WITH YOV 

man : but his i^se dixit, his report, otherwise is nothing so 
currant as b^^gers about the Courts remoue. Nere tell me 
of this or that he ssyes I spake or did, except he particu- 
larize and stake downe the verie words, and^ catching them 
V 3 by the throate like a theefe, | say, these are they that did the ft 
deed, I arrest you, and I charge you all, gentle Readers, to 
aid me. What truly might be spoken of Greene, I publisht, 
neither discommending him, nor too much flattering him 
(for I was nothing bound to him); whereas it maye be 
alleadgd against Gabriel, as it was against Paulus louius, lo 
Qux verissime scribere potuitnoluit, &qux voluitnonpotuit: 
Those things which hee might haue related truely hee would 
not, and those which he would hee could not, for want of good 
intelligence. How he hath handled Greene and Marloe 
since their deaths, those that read his Bookes may iudge: is 
and where, like a lakes barreller and a Gorbolone, he girds 
me with imitating of Greene, let him vnderstand, I more 
scome it than to haue so foule a lakes for my groaning 
stoole as hys mouth ; & none that euer had but one eye, 
with a pearle in it, but could discern the difference twixt so 
him & me ; while he liu'd (as some Stationers can witnes 
with me) hee subscribing to me in any thing but plotting 
Plaies, wherein he was his crafts master. Did I euer write 
of Conycatching ? stufft my stile with hearbs & stones? or 
apprentisd my selfe to running of the letter? If not, how t% 
then doo I imitate him ? A hang-by of his (one Valentine 
Bird, that writ against Greene) imitated me, & would 
embezill out of my Piers Pennilesse sixe lines at a clap, and 
vse them for his owne. Nay, he himselfe hath purloyned 
something from mee, and mended his hand in confuting by 30 
fifteen parts, by following my presidents. There is two or 
three mouth fulls of my Oo yes yet behinde, which, after I 
haue drawne out at leng^, you shall see me (like a 
Crier, that when he hath done kire-elosoning it, puts of his 
V 3V cap, and cries God saue the | Queene, & so steps into the 35 
next ale-house) steale out of your companie before you bee 
aware, and hide my selfe in a Closet no bigger than would 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 133 

liolde a Church Bible, till the b^inning of Candlemas 
Terme, and then, if you come into Paules Ckurch-yard^ you 
shall meete mee. 

Oo yes, be it knowne, I can ryme as wel as the Doctor, 
5 for a sample whereof, in stead of his 

Noddy Nash^ whom euerie swash^ and 

his occasionaU admonitionatiui Sonnety his Apostrophe 

Sonnety and tynie titmouse Lenuoy^ like a welt at the edge 

of a garment, his goggle-eyde Sonnet of Gorgon and the 

10 wonderfuU yeare^ and anodier Lenuoy for the chape of it, 

his Stanza declaratiuey Writers post-script in meeter^ his 

knitting vp Cloasey and a third Lenuoy^ like a fart after a 

good stoole ; In stead of all these (I say) here is the tufft 

or labell of a rime or two, the trick or habit of which I got 

15 by looking on a red nose Ballet-maker that resorted to our 

Printing-house. They are to the tune of Lahore Dolare^ or 

the Parlament tune of a pot of ale and nutmegs and 

ginger, or Eldertons ancient note of meeting the diuell in 

coniure house lane. If you hit it right, it will go maruellous 

ao sweetly. 

Gabriel Harueyy fames ducklings 
hey noddiey noddie^ noddie: 
Is made a gosling and a sucklingy 
hey noddie^ noddie ^ noddie. 

35 Or that's not it, I haue a better. 

Dilloy my Doctor deare, 

sing dilla, dilkiy dilla: 
Nashe hath spoyled thee cleare 

with his quiUay quillay guilla. \ 

30 What more haue I in my Proclamation to yalp out ? No v 4 
more but this, that in both my bookes I haue obiected 
some perticular vice more against him than pumps and 
pantqfleSy which those that haue not faith inough to beleeue 
may toote & superuize when they haue any literall idle 

35 leysure. The Tragedie of wrath ^ or Priscianus vapulansy pro- 
la Cioase] Qy, read Ghant 



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134 HAVE WITH YOV 

mised in the q)ilogue Sonnet of my Foure Letters, (three 
or foure words wherof^ as Awayte, and painty and tread no 
common path, he mumbles and chewes in his mouth h'ke a 
peece of AUom, or the stone of a horse-plum to sucke oflf 
all the meate of it,) let him take this for it, whereby I am 5 
out of his debt, if not ouer-plus. And where he terrefies 
mec with insulting hee was Tom Burwels, the Fencers, 
Scholler, and that he will squease and mazer me whensoeuer 
he met me, why did hee it not when hee met me at Cam^ 
bridge, we lying backe to backe in the same Inne, and but two lo 
or three square trenchours of a wainscot dore betwixt vs ? 
By our reconciliation he cannot excuse it, since the law-day 
was out, and the feude open againe by his breach of truce, 
and my defiance to him in an Epistle to the Reader in 
Christs tears. But let him henceforth prouide him of two 15 
or three sturdie Plow men (such as his swines fac't blue- 
coate was) when I l^erd by him in the Dolphin, for other- 
wise not all the fence he leamd of Tom Burwell shall keepe 
mee from cramming a turd in his iawes (and no other 
bloud will I draw of him) : I haue bespoken a boy and a so 
napkin already to carry it in. Last of all, there is nothing 
I haue bragd of my writing in all humors, no, not so much 
as of his fleshly humours, but shall be anuilde for true 
Steele on his standish, I making an indenture twixt God 
V 4^" and I my soule, to consume my bodie as slender as a stilt as 
or a broome-staffe, and my braine as poore and com- 
pendius as the pummell of a scotch saddle, or pan of a 
Tobacco pipe, but as the Elephant and the Rinoceros neuer 
fight but about the best pastures, so will I winne from him 
his best Patrons, and driue him to cpnfesse himselfe a 30 
Conundrum, who now thinks he hath learning inough to 
proue the saluation oi Lucifer \ Apologize it for him as many 
Chutes, Barnesesy or vile friggers, or Fregeuiles, as there will. 
Bentiu : Thau fronnsedst to ha$u a dead Uft at that 
Fr^[euile. 35 

30 him): I] ColL, Gr»,i him.) I Q. 26 compeadius] d, CM, Gr^. : 

compeodent a. 



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TO SAFFRON.WALDEN 135 

R$sp: ly here I am come to his verses, but let mee take 
them in order as they lie ; Thorius is first, with a Letter 
and Sonnet^ and Postscript of Chutes. 

Camead : More Postscripts and preambles : hath he (as 
5 Tvith his Thrasonisme) infected them all with his methode 
<7/'Lenuoyes, Post-scripts and Preambles? 

Respond: From Master Thorius I haue a Letter vnder his 

owne hand, which hee sent mee to be printed, vtterly 

disclaiming the wrong which the Doctour (vnder his name) 

10 hath thrust out against mee. This is the counterpaine 

of it. 

To my very good friend, M. Nashe. 

M Aster Nashe, I pray you to let my carriage towardes 
you alwaies b^et but thus much in your opinion^ that 

15 / would neuer haue beene led with so much indiscretion as 
to raile against any man vnprouoked^ or to offer \ him wrong x i 
that neuer offended mee. Truely, vpon the sight offiue or 
six sheets of Doctor Hzmtyts Booke^ I wrote certaine verses 
in his commendation; but that Sonnet which in his booke is 

ao subscribed with my name is not mine^ and I gesse at the 
mistaking of it. Indeed the Stanzaes are, though altred to 
your disgrace in some places. To vse many words were 
vaine^ and to ende writing and leaue you vnsatisfied were 
to write to no end, and to leaue my selfe discontented. But 

35 if you consider how I was as much offended with the 
vniust vaineglorious Print as your selfe, wee shall both rest 
contented. Little did I think the booke should haue 
had so famous a Title, or so many Prefaces, or so many 
Letters and Preambles; amongst which some of mine, 

30 blushing to looke vppon so conteptible a person they were 
directed too, could not but be exceedingly ashamed to bee 
presented to the eyes of a whole world. I could mislike other 
things^ but I will leaue them as trifles : Farewell. 

Yours to vse, 

35 /. Thorius \ 

10 conrterpgine Q. ia-35 In largtr type. Q. 31 Uo\ tot Q. 



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136 HAVE WITH YOV 

X I"" ChuUi that was tfa« bawlingest of them all, & that bobd 
me with nothing but Rhenish fur ie^ SttUiard clyme, oyster 
whore phrasey claret spirit^ and ale-house passions^ with 
talking so much of drinke within a yere and a halfe after 
died of the dropsie, as diuers Printers that were at his 5 
buriall certefide mee. Beeing dead, I would not haue 
reuiu'd him, but that the Doctor (whose Patron he was) is 
aliue to answere for him. Mounsieur Fregusius^ or 
Mounsieur FregeuUe Gautius^ that prating weazell fac'd 
vermin, is one of the Pipers in this consort, and he is at it 10 
with his Apologie of the thrice learned and thrice eloquent 
Doctour Haruey, befooles and besots meein euerieline, pleads 
the Doctors innocence^ and the lawfulnes of his proceedings^ 
praiseth his moderate stile^ saies he is sorie he is so vniustly 
pusht at, andy being pusht at, glad he hath so acqtdted him^ 15 
and that his Answere is reasonable and eloquent. 

I am sorie I haue no more roome to reason the matter 
with him ; for if I had, I did not doubt but to make him 
a fugitiue out of England as well as he is out of his owne 
Countrey : & in this great dearth in England we haue no >o 
reason but to make him a Fugitiue or banish him, since he 
is the rauenousest slouen that euer lapt porredge ; and out 
of two Noblemens houses he had his Mittimus of y^ may 
be gone, for he was such a peruerse Ramisticall heretike^ 
a busie reprouer of the principles of all Arts, and sower of ^s 
seditious Paradoxes amongst kitchen boyes. 

My clue is spun, the Tearme is at an end, wherefore here 
I wil end and make Vacation : but if you wil haue a word 
or two of Doctour Feme and Master Lilly ^ in stead of one 
X i of Gabriels Apostrophe Sonnets or Len-|uoyes, by Struthio 30 
Belliuecento de Compasso Callipero, and the Contents of it, 
I protest and adiure, you shall. 

Against Doctor Feme our Foditheck or Tolmach hath in 
his booke twilted and stitcht in a whole penny-worth of 
paper, which his Gossipship^ that had the naming of the 35 
child, dubs the Encomium of the Foxe. In it he endorseth 
him the puling Freacher of Pax vobis & humilitie, (to both 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 137 

of which Gabriell alwaies was an eiieinie,.euen as Doctor 
Peme was to his loue-lockes & his great ruffes and panto- 
fles,) the triangle tarne-coate^ (I wold he had anie coat to 
tume but that he weares: and for triangles, one angle 

5 or comer he wilbe glad of to hide him in after this Booke 
is out, & brickil & ouen vp his stinking breath, (which 
smells like the greasie snase of a candle,) that I maye not 
come within eleuen-teene score nose length of it.) He 
brings in his coffin to speake : what a wodden iest is that? 

la An apostata^ an hipocryte, a Macha$tiU^ a cousner^ a iugler^ 
a letcher hee makes him^ and saies he kept a Cubbe at Peter- 
house ; that his hospitaUtie was Hie Ember weeke or good 
Friday ; & if a man should haue writ, against Sergius^ that 
was tiie first setter vp of Mahomet^ he could not haue 

15 parbraked more vilenes, than he hath done against him. 
Vincit qui patitur, he saith, (or a great Counseller that 
giues that Posie,) can vnrip the whole packet of his knauerie^ 
making him a broker to his scutcherie. The whole Quire 
thankes you hartily. Doctor Peme is caskt vp in lead, 

•oand cannot arise to plead for himselfe: wherefore this 
(as dutie to those some way bindes mee that were som- 
what bound to him) I wil commit to inke & paper in his 
behalfe. Few men liu'd better, though, like | Damd or X a'' 
Peter^ he had his falls, yet the Vniuersitie had not a more 

H careful! Father this 100. yeare, and if in no r^;ard but that 
a chiefe Father of our Common-wealth lou'd him, (in whose 
house he died,) hee might haue spar'd and forborne him. 

His hospitaUtie was as great as hath bin kept before 
or euer since vpon the place he had, and for his wit & 

10 learning, they that mishlce want the like wit and learning, 
or else they would haue more iudgement to disceme of it 
For Master Lillie (vdio is halues with me in this indignitie 
that is offred) I will not take the tale out of his mouth, 
for he is better able to defend himselfe than I am able to 

a putostet Q. 4 wearet:) and Q, Gro,: wearetl) and C^IL 5 in] in 
ifuntidn) Q. 8 alenenteeoe Q. it ff$ Q, Coil., Gro. 25 inj ^ : 
ftpi. a, CoO^ Gro. 



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138 HAVE WITH YOV 

say he is able to defend himselfe, and in as much time 
as hee spendes in taking Tobacco one weeke, he can 
compile that which would make Gabriell repent himselfe 
all his life after. With a blacke sant he meanes shortly 
to bee at his chamber window for calling him the Fiddle- 5 
sticke of Oxford. In that he twatleth, it had bin better 
to heme confuted Martin by Reuerend Cooper than such 
leuitie; tell mee why was hee not then confuted by 
Reuerend Cooper, or made to hold his peace, till Master 
Lillie and some others with their pens drew vpon him ? to 
A day after the faire, when he is hangd, Haruey takes 
him in hand, but if he had beene aliue now, euen as he 
writ more worke for the Cooper, so would hee haue writte 
Hartleys whoope diddle, or the non-suting or vncasing of 
the animaduertiser. I haue a laughing hickocke to heare 15 
him saye, hee was once suspected for Martin, when there is 
nere a Pursiuant in England, in the pulling on his boots, 
X 3 euer thought of him or imputed to him so much wit. The 
bangingest thinges which I can | picke out, wherein he hath 
festered Martin or defended Bishops, are these : For a jo 
polished stile few goe beyond Cartwright; his ray ling at 
mee for speaking against Beza, the grand Champion against 
Bishops; his malicious defamation of Doctour Perne ; 
where, after hee hath polluted him with all the scandale 
hee could, hee sales, The Clergie neuer wited excellent 35 
fortune-wrights, and he was one of the cheefest: as 
though the Church of England were vpheld and Atlassed 
by corruption, Machauelisme, apostatisme, hipocrysie and 
treacherie; in all these hee making him notorious in 
the highest kinde, dooth giue out, that he was one of the 10 
Churches cheife fortune-wrights : and besides (to mend 
the matter) he asks, What Bishop or Politician in England 
was so great a Temporiser as hee f I hope there be some 
Bishops within the compasse of the two Metrapolitane 
Seas, that can fish out a shamefuU meaning out of this word 35 

IS animadutrtiser, I Q, 19 pick e,w, 39 hee, making Call,, Gro. 

30 kinde, dooth gtne out] d, CM, Gro, : kinde, after he giuei out a. 



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TO SAFFRON-WALDEN 139 

Tempariser^ and doo disdaine their high Calling should be so 
Gnathonically compared, for such is a Temporiser\ and 
with their profession it stands to bee no state Politicians, 
but onely to meddle with the state of heau'n. Then he 

5 hath a tale out oi Pantane against Bishops^ far their riding 
vpon horses y & not asses as Christ did: aswel he might 
restrain them to ride vpon mares, as lohn Bale saith our 
English Bishops wer limitted too heretofore. Such another 
tale of a Horse hee hath of Gelo^ a Tyrant of Sicily ^ whom 

10 he termes the politique Tyrant^ for bringing in his great horse^ 
in stead of a harper^ into his Banquetting-house; to dung and 
stale amongst his guests. It is a stale stinking Apothq^ ; 
but Beni olet hostis interfectus (as ViteUius said) ; the sweete 
sauer of an enemie slaine takes away the smell of it. | 

15 More battring engins I had in a readines prepared to^t^ 
shake his waUes^ wkichl keepe backe till the next Tearme^ 
meaning to insert them in my Foure Letters Confuted, 
which then is to be renewed and reprinted againe. 

So be your leaue, God be withyou^ I was bold to call in. 

30 Spectatores, the faults escaped in the Printing I wish may 
likewise escape you in reading. In the Epistle Dedicatorie 
correct Willington and put in Williamson : in the midst of 
the Booke vide make vidi : about the latter end stellified 
stalified, and Sunius Surius : with as many other words or 

n letters too much or toO'Wanting as ye will. 

The Paradoxe of the Asse, M. Lilly hath wrought vppon ; 
as also to kirn I tume ouer the Doctors Apothecarie tearmes 
he hath vsed throughout^ & more especially in his hut 
Epistle of notable Contents. 

30 Herewith the Court breakes vp and goes to dinner^ aU 
generally concluding withTrzizxk\ The Gods neuer sujferanie 
to be ouer-come in battail^ but those that are enemies to peace. 

Tu mifd crimtnis 
Author. 

35 FINIS. 

I4tbetbeimell0. 19-aow, Spectatores, /^C(p//.: Mr,SpecUtofei. TkiGro, 



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NASHES LENTEN STVFFE 

Entry in the Stationer i Register : 

II lanuarii [1598-9] 
Cutbert Burby Entred for his copie in full Court holden 
this Daie a booke called the praise of 
the Redd herringe vpon Condicon that 
he gett yt Laufully Aucthorised . . vj"^ 

To the whiche copie master Hars- 
nettes hand is sett for th[e] allowance 
thereof with the wardens handes 
{S. R^ ed. Arber, III. 134.) 

Editions: {i) Early: 

1599. NASHES I Lenten StuflTe, | Containing, | The 
Defcription and firft Procrea-|/^ and Increafe of the towne 
of I Gk-eat Yarmouth in | NorfTolke: | With a new Play 
neuer played before, of the | praife of the RED | HERRING. 
I Fitte of all Clearkes ofNohlemens Kitchins to be \ read: and 
not vnnecejfary by all Seruing men \ that hauejhort boord- 
wqgesy to be remembred. \ Famam peto per vndas. \ [orna- 
ment] I LONDON I Printed for N.L. and C.B. and are to 
be I fold at the weft end of Paules. | 1599. | 
No colophon. Quarta Passed (correctly) from Bi (1*75). 

CoUatUm: A-K*, L*. (Al) Title, v. blank. ^3 'To his worthie 
good patron, Ij^-stU Humphrey^ • . .' Ital, and Rom, R-T. The 
Epistle I Dedicatorie. (A 4) 'To his Readers . . .' Rom. and ItaL 
R-T. To the Reader. B. 'THE PRAISE OF the red herring.' Rom. 
and Ital. R-T. Theprayse of \ the red Herring. (L s)"" blank. 

The epistle to the readers is in a larger type than the rest Signa- 
tures are in Romani except As and A3, of which the letters are Italic, 



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I4a NASHES LENTEN STVFFE 

the numerals Roman. B 4, C 4, D 4i £ 4i F 4 are signed, other fourdi 
leaves misigned, L 3 is unsigned. 

Catch-words .• A 2. clea$u A 3. constable^ B I. Bar'{htrs) C I. 
mile D I. if £ I. be, F i. standerds G i. wil H I. yet 1 1. 
(propha-)ning K I. This L I. (Philo-)sopher 

Copy used: That in the British Museum (1029. e. 21). The text 
has also been read throughout with the other copy in the same library 
(96. b. 17. (3.))» which, in certain sheets, has a few variations of reading, 
generally for ^e better. In this copy, however, several of the side-notes 
are partially cut off. When it is required to distinguish these two copies 
1029. e. 21 is referred to as a and 96. b. 17. (3.) as b. 

(2) Modern Editions : 
1745 (Harl.^) The Harleian Miscellany : or, a Collectioii of 
Scarce . . . Tracts • . . Found in the late Earl of Oxford's 
Library . . . London: for T. Osborne. 1 744-6- VoL vi, 
pp. 129-162. 

In modem spelling. No notes except the side-notes of the original, 
here given at the foot of the page. 

1809 (Harl.*) The Harleian Miscellany • . • London : for 
Robert Button. 1 808-11. VoL ii, pp. 288-334. 

This is a reprint of the first edition of the Miscellany, with the tracu 
arranged in chronological order. It is said to have been edited by 
}. Malham, who wrote a preface for the first volume. The notes are 
the same as in the earlier edition. 

1810 (Harl.*) The Harleian Miscellany . . . with . . . 
annotations • • • by the late William Oldys, Esq. and some 
additional notes by Thomas Park, F.S.A. London : for 
White and Co., &c 1808-13. Vol. vi, pp. i43-i8i. 

In the original spelling except as regards u and v, i and j. The 
punctuation is modem and the paragraph arrangement has in some 
cases been altered. So far as I have used this edition it seems to be, 
for its date, a very good piece of work, though certain emendations 
which do not seem strictly necessary are introduced. There are some 
notes. 

1 871 (Hind.) Miscellanea Antiqua Anglicana. The Old 
Book Collector's Miscellany . . . Edited by Charles Hindley. 
Part I. Nash's Lenten Stuff . . . London: Reeves and 
Turner, pp. xix and 113. Vol. i, No. 7. 



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NASHES LENTEN STVFFE 143 

In modem spelling. This seems to be substantially a reprint of 
Harl.^ or HarL* There is an introduction of six pages dealing with 
Nashe, and notes, partly taken from HarL' and partly original A few 
readings also are taken from Hari' 

1883-4 (Gro.) The Complete Works of Thomas Nashc . . • 
edited by A. B. Grosart Vol. v, pp. 187-308. 

From the copy in the Huth Library. This text is rather puzzling. 
On the one hand the speUing of the quarto is followed with considerable 
accuracy, while, on the other, there are a large number of deviations in 
wording. Many of these seem to be intended as emendations, but they 
could, I think, hardly have been due to one so familiar with the 
language of the time as the editor. The punctuation too is frequently 
altered in such a way as to indicate either great carelessness or com- 
plete misconception of the sense. I can only suppose that we have 
here the result of an over-zealous printer working from a somewhat 
illegible transcript, and that, for some reason or other, Grosart 
supervised the work with oonsiderably less care than usuaL 

1905, (The present edition.) 

From the copies at the British Museum. I have recorded only a few 
of the readings of earlier editors, ignoring the modernizations and many 
of the other changes introduced in the editions of the Harleian 
Miscellany and in that of Hindley. In cases, however, where the text 
appears to be corrupt and where important emendations, not altogether 
obvious, have been proposed, I have stated the edition in which they 
were first introduced and whether they were accepted or rejected in 
later ones. Minor variations have been less fully noted, and it must 
not be assumed that whenever an edition is not mentioned in the foot- 
notes its reading necessarily agrees with the text given. Grosarfs 
leadings have been recorded whenever they seem not to be mere 
errors of transcription or misprints ; they are also given in a few cases 
when the variation seemed particularly remarkable, even though there 
seems little ground for considering it intentional. 

It may be observed that the punctuation of the quarto is extremely 
erratic. I have, I believe, recorded that of the original in all cases in 
which my alterations could possibly affect the sense, but I have felt 
myself obliged to make an unusually large number of minor changes. 
I have also occasionally inserted reference marks (*) when one of a 
pair was wanting. 



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N A S H E S ^ 

Lenten Stuffc> 

Cootaifi{og» 

Tbe Delcnpcion aodfirftProcrea" 
tmandJncreafeoftbe taane of 

QxcxYsttDoaSiia 
NorflbJke: 

VitliaiKwPla/iiaierpIayedBefeEe, of iIm 

praifeofdhe RED 

HFRRJNa 

FHtitfdLCtnarkes0fNMemeMs X'tttShhs t»he 




10 2r*D O li 

PiiisicdfiMrN.L« andlCB^flndlatttoBo 
lJ95t 






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To his worthie good patron, Lu-Aa 

stie Hum/rey, according as the towns- 

men doo christen him, little Numps, as the 

Nobilitie and Courtiers do name him, and Honest 

5 Hum/rey, as allhis/riendes and acquaintance esteeme 

him, King of the Tobacconists hie & vNgue, and a singu- 

lar Mecxnas to the Pipe and the Tabour {as his patient 

Ihiery attendant can witnesse) his bounden Orator 

T. N. most prostrately ofiers vp this tribute 

10 of inke and paper. 

MOst courteous vnleamed louer of Poetry ^ and yet 
a Poet thy selfe, of no Usse price then H. 5., that in 
honour of Maidrmarrian giues sweete Marger&for 
his Empresse^ andputtes the Sowe most sawcily vppon some 

\l great personage^ what euer she bee, bidding her {as it runnes 
in the old song) Go from my Garden go, for there no 
flowers for thee dooth grow, These be to notifie to your dimi- 
nutiue excelsitude, and compendiate greatnesse^ what my uale 
is towardesyoUf that in no streighter bonds woulde bee pounded 

to and enlisted^ then in an Epistle Dedicatorie. Too many more 
lusty'bloud'RnMdjntntt s^;niors, with Cales beards as broade 
as scullers maples that they make \ cleane their boates with, A a"" 
could I heme turned it ouer^ and had nothing for my labour^ 
some faire woords except of Good sir, will it please you 

as tocome neere and drinke a cuppe of wine? after my retume 
from Ireland / doubt not but my fortunes will be of some 
growth to requite you. In the meane time my sword is 

16-7 Go. . . grow] Prmisd as two li$us cf verse by Harl^ Hind. 17 

grow. Tk$s$ Q, Hofi^ HUuL^ Gro. These • . .] ASrw/or. Grv. 24 goed Q. 

m La 



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148 THE EPISTLE 

at your commaund; and^ before God^ money so scatteringly 
runnes heere and there vppon vtensilia, /wfwi/wr^J', andents^ 
and other necessary preparations^ (and, which is a double 
charge^ looke how much Tobacco wee carry with vs to expell 
coldy the like quantitie of Staues-aker wee mustprouide vs ofi 
to kill lice in that rugged countrey of rebels^ that I say vnto 
you^ in the word of a martialist^ wee cannot doo as wee 
would. I am no incredulous Didimus, but haue morefc^th 
to beleeue they haue no coyne^ then they heme meanes to supplie 
themselues with it ; and so leaue them. To any other lo 
carpetmunger or primerose knight of Primero bring 
I a dedication^ and the dice ouer night haue not befriended 
kim^ hee sleepes fiue dayes and fiue nights to new skin 
his beautie^ and will not bee knowne hee is awakt till his 
men vppon their otune bondes {a dismall world for trencher^ 15 
men^ when theyr maisters bond shal not be so good as theirs) 
haue tooke vp commodities or fresh droppings of the minte 
for him: and then; what then? he payes for the ten 
dozen of bedks hee left vppon the score at the tennis court; 
hee sendes for his Barber to depure^ decurtate^ and sprnige ao 
him^ whome hauing not paide a twelmonth before^ he now 
raines downe eight quarter at^els into his hande^ to make 
his liber alitie seeme greater^ and giues him a cast riding 
ierkin and an olde Spanish hatte into the bargaine^ and 
Gods peace bee with him. The chamber is not ridde of the ^i 
smell ofhisfeet^ but the greasie shoomaker with his squirrels 
skin and a whole staU of ware vppon his arme enters^ 
and wrencheth his legges for an houre tcgither, and after 
shewes his tally. By S. Loy, that drawes deepe^ and by that 
time his Tobacco marchant is made euen with^ and hee hath 30 
dinde at a taueme^ and slept his vnder^mecde at a bawdy 
house^ his purse is on the heild and only fortie shillings hee 
hath behindCy to trie his fortune with at the cardes in 
K I the presence; which if it prosper^ \ the court cannot containe 
himy but to London againe he will^ to reuell it, andZh 
haue two playes in one nighty inuite all the Poets and 
Musitions to his chamber the next morning ; where, against 



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DEDICATORIE 149 

tkeyr comming^ a whole heape of money shall bee bespread 
vppoH the board y and all his trunkes opened to shewe his rich 
sutes ; but the deuill a whit hee bestowes on them, saue 
bottle ale and Tobacco ; and desires a generall meeting. 

5 The particular of it is that bounty is bankerupt^ and 
Lady sensualitie licks all the fat fro the seuen Liberal 
Sciences^ that Poetry ^ if it were not a trick to please my 
Lady, would bee excluded out of Christian burial!^ and, 
in steade of wreathes of lawrell to crowne it with, haue 

10 a bell with a cocks combe clapt on the "crowne of it by 
olde lohannes de Indagines and his quire of dorbellists. 
Wherefore the premisses considered (I pray you consider of 
that woord Premisses, for somewhere I haue borrowed 
it) neither to rich^ noble, right worshipfuU, or worshipfuU, of 

15 spirituall or temporall, will I consecrate this woorke, but to 
thee and thy capering humour alone, that, if thy starres had 
doone thee right, they should haue made thee one of the might- 
iest princes of Germany ; not for thou canst cbriue a coach 
or kill an oxe so wel as they, but that thou art neuer wel but 

so when thou art amongst the retinue of the Muses^ and there 
spendest more in the twinckling of an eye, then in a whole 
yeare thou gettest by some grasierly gentilitie thou foUowest. 
A King thou art by name, and a King of good fellowshippe 
by nature, whereby I ominate this Encomion of the king 

n of fishes was predestinate to thee from thy swadling clothes. 
Hugge it, ingle it, kisse it, and cull it, now thou hast 
it, & renounce eating of greene beefe andgarUke till Martle- 
mas, if it be not the next stile to The strife of Loue in 
a Dreame, or the Lamentable burning of Teuerton. Giue 

30 meegood words I beseech thee, though thougiuest me nothing 
elsCy and thy words shal stand for thy deeds ; which 
I will take as well in woorth, as if they were the deedes and 
euidences of aU the lande thou hast. Heere I bring you 
a redde herring ; if you willfinde drinke to it, there an ende, 

35 no other detriments will I putte you to. Let the Kanne 

I shall be ipRad HarL^*, Hi$kL 7-8 pUasCf my Ltufy would Q, Cr§^ 

35 detriment Gro. 



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I50 THE EPISTLE DEDICATORIE 

Ki'^of strong ale, yatir \ constable ^ with the toaste^ kis browns 
biU^ and sugar and nutmegs, his watchmen^ stand in 
a readinessey to enter taine mee euerie time I come by your 
lodging. In Rusda there are no presents but of meate 
or drinke; I present you with meate^andyou^ in honourable 5 
courtesie to requite mee^ can do no lesse then present mee 
with the best mornings draught of merry-go-downe in yottr 
quarters: and so I kisse the shadow ofyourfeetes shadow^ 
amiable Donsell^ expecting your sacred Poeme of the Hermites 

Tale, that will restore the golden age amongst 10 

vs, and so vppon my soules knees 
I take my leaue. 



Yours for a whole last of redde 
Herrings. 



Th. Nashe. 15 



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To his Readers, hee cares not a 4 
what they be. 

N Ashes Lentenstuffe : and why Noshes Lentenstuffe f 
some scabbed scald squire replies, because I had 

5 money lent me at Yarmouth, and I pay them againe 

in prayse of their towne and the redde herring : and if 
it were so, goodman Pig-wiggen, were not that honest 
dealing ? pay thou al thy debtes so if thou canst for thy 
life : but thou art a Ninnihammer ; that is not it ; therefore, 

10 Nickneacaue, I cal it Noshes Lenten-siuffe, as well for it was 
most of my study the last Lent, as that we vse so to term 
any fish that takes salt, of which the Red Herring is 
one the aptest. O, but, sayth another lohn Dringle, there 
is a booke of the Red Herrings ioUe printed foure Termes 

>5 since, that made this stale. Let it be a taile of habberdine 
if it will, I am nothing entaild thereunto; I scome it, 
I scome it, that my woorkes should tume taHe to any man. 
Head, body, taile and all of a redde Herring you shall 
haue of mee, if that will please you ; or if that will not 

M please you, stay till Ester Terme, and then, with the 
answere to the Trim Tram^ I will make you laugh jrour 
hearts out Take me at my woord, for I am the man that 
will doo it This is a light friskin of my witte, like 
the prayse of iniustice, the feuer quartaine, Busiris^ or 

nPhaloriSf wherin I follow the trace of the famousest 
schollers of all ages, | whom a wantonizing humour once in A 4"^ 
their life time hath possest to play with strawes, and 
tume mole-hils into mountaines. 
Euery man can say Bee to a Battledore, and write 

30 in prayse of Vertue and the seuen Liberall Sciences, 
14 TaiU Gro. fcnit] some Gtv, so S[a]iker Gtv. 



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rS^ TO THE READER 

thresh come out of the full sheaues and fetch water out of 
the Thames ; but out of drie stubble to make an after 
haruest, and a plentiful! croppe without sowing, and wring 
iuice out of a flint, thats Pierce a Gods nanUy and the right 
tricke of a workman* Let me speake to you about my 5 
huge woords which I vse in this booke, and then you 
are your own men to do what you list. Know it is my 
true vaine to be tragicus Orator ^ and of all stiles I most 
affect & striue to imitate Arettnes^ not caring for this 
demure soft mediocre genus^ that is like water and wine 10 
mixt tc^ther ; but giue me pure wine of it self, & that 
b^ets good bloud, and heates the brain thorowly : I had 
as lieue haue no sunne, as haue it shine faintly, no fire, 
as a smothering fire of small coales, no doathes, ra- 
ther then weare linsey wolsey. Apply it for me, 15 
for I am cald away to correct the faults 
of the presse, that escaped in my 
absence from the Prin- 
ting-house. 



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THE PRAISE OF bi 

the red herring. 

THe straunge turning of the He of Dogs frS a commedie 
to a tragedie two summers past, with the trouble- 

5 9ome stir which hapned aboute it, is a generall rumour 

that hath filled all England, and such a heauie crosse 
laide vpon me, as had well neere confounded mee: 
I meane, not so much in that it sequestred me from the 
woonted meanes of my maintenance, which is as great 

10 a maime to any mans happinesse as can bee feared from the 
hands of miserie ; or the deepe pit of dispaire wherinto 
I was falne, beyond my greatest friendes reach to recouer 
mee: but that, in my exile and irkesome discontented 
abandonment, the silliest millers thombe or contemptible 

15 stidde-banck of my enemies is as busie nibbling about my 
fame as if I were a deade man throwne amongest them to 
feede vpon. So I am, I confesse, in the worldes outwarde 
apparance, though perhappes I may prooue a cunninger 
diuer then they are aware, which if it so happen, as I am 

aopartely assured, and that I plunge aboue water onceQiia«au* 
againe, let them looke to it, for I will put them in bryne, S^non^^ 
or a piteous pickle, euery one. But let that passe, though menanec 
they shal find I wil not let it passe when time semes, ^^ 
I hauing a pamphlet hot a brooding that shall be called 

25 the I Barbers warming panne ; and to the occasion a fresh Bi'' 
of my falling in alliance with this lenten argument. That 
infortunate *imperfit Embrion of my idle houres, the Ile*Animpcr. 
of Dogs before mentioned, breeding vnto me such bitter ^?^^f ^ 
throwes in the teaming as it did, and the tempestes that call it, for 

* obnttft naidt] ffarl^ ffmd. : obrutunanit Q^ GfV. ' An impcrfit • . . ] 
0pposit$L 16 (fnixtpag9 in Q, maj] ma Q. 



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154 THE PRAYSE OF 

I lining arose at his birth so astonishing outragious and violent as 
^^nc- if my braine had bene conceiued of another Hercules, 
Uon and J ^^g go t'errifyed with my owne encrease (like a woman 
it,the^hCT long trauailing to bee deliuered of a monster) that it was 
foare acto ,jq sooner borne but I was glad to run fiom it Too 5 
cooaenty'OT inconsiderate headlong rashnesse this may be censured in 
*^ «^f "^^» "* beeing thus prodigall in aduantaging my aduersaries, 
my drift or but my case is no smoothred secret, and with light cost of 
JJ^i^j^^y^ rough cast rethoricke it may be toUerablely playstered 
were sup- ouer, if vnder the pardon and priuiledge of incensed lo 
P^^j^ higher powers it were lawfully indulgenst me freely to 
both thdr aduocate my owne astrology. Sufficeth what they in their 
SSe to^ graue wisedoomes shall proscribe, I in no sorte will seeke to 
acquite, nor presumptuously attempte to dispute against 
the equity of their iudgementes, but, humble and prostrate, 15 
appeale to their mercies. Auoide or giue grounde I 
did ; scriptum esty I will not goe from it: and post varies 
casus, variable Knight arrant aduentures and outroades 
and mroades, at greate Yarmouth in Norfolke I ariued in 
the latter ende of Autunme. Where hauing scarse lookt ao 
about me, my presaging minde saide to it selfe, Hie 
fauonius serenus est, hie auster imbriem, this is a predesti- 
nate fit place for Pierse PennHesse to set vp his staffe in. 
Therein not much diameter to my deuining hopes did the 
euent sort it selfe, for sixe weekes first and last, vnder n 
that predominant constellation of Aquarius or laues Nectar 
filler, tooke I vp my repose, and there mette with such 
kind entertainment and benigne hospitality when I was 
*Mendiciis. Vna liter a plusquam ^medicus, as Plautus saith, and not 

able to liue to my selfe with my owne iuice, as some of the 30 
crummes of it, like the crums in a bushy beard after 
a greate banquet, will remaine in my papers to bee seene 
B a when I am | deade and vnder ground ; from the bare 
perusing of which, infinite posterities of hungry Poets shall 

> Median G, ffaH^\ ffind^ Gro, : om. HaH* 

9 rethoridce Q. aa fanomms Q, 33 in] on Grv. a6 fnedominant] 
predodumant Q, IfarL* 30 line] Gro, : line Q, HarL, Hind, 33 dead £.«r. 



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THE RED HERRING 155 

receiue good refreshing, euen as Homer by Galatseon was 
pictured vomiting in a basd (in the temple that Ptolomy 
PhUopaUr erected to him) and the rest of the succeeding 
Poets after him greedily lapping vp what he disgorged. 

5 That good old blind bibber of Helicon^ I wot well, came 
^ begging to one of the chiefe citties of Greece, & pro- 
mised them vast corpulent volumes of immortallity, if 
they would bestowe vpon him but a slender outbrothers 
annuity of mutto & broth, and a pallet to sleep on ; 

10 and with derision they reiected him ; wherupon he went to 
their enemies with the like proffer, who vsed him honour- 
ably, and whome hee vsed so honourably, that to this 
daye, though it be three thousand yeare since, their name 
and glorie florish greene in mens memory through his 

15 industry. I truste you make no question but those dull 
pated pennifathers, that in such dudgen scome reiected 
him, drunck deep of the soure cup of repentance for it, 
when the high flight of his lines in common brute was 
ooyessed. Yea, in the worde of one no more wealthy then 

aohee was, (wealthy saide I? nay Tie be swome hee was 
a grande iurie man in respect of me,} those graybeard 
Huddle-duddles and crusty cum-twangs were strooke with 
such stinging remorse of their miserable Euclionisme 
and snudgery, that hee was not yet cold in his graue 

as but they challenged him to be borne amongst them^ and 
they and sixe citties more entred a sharpe warre aboute it, 
euery one of them laying daime to him as their owne ; and 
to this effect hath Bucchanan an Epigram. 

Vrbes certarunt septem de patria Homeric 
^ Nulla domus viuo patria nulla fuit. 

Seauen citties stroaue whence Homer first shoulde come ; 
When lining, he no country had nor home. 

I alleadge this tale to shewe howe much better my lucke | 
was then Homers^ (though all the King of Spaines Indies B a"", 

ao-i Q] HarU^ Hind,, Gro, t om, Q. ao beswonie Q. 24 timdgery Q, 
53 Inckej Hari,* mUtSind.^ Gro. : lacke Q. 33-4 Itcke [c.w, was] | then Q^ 



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156 THE PRAYSE OF 

will not create me such a nigling Hexameter-founder as he 
was,) in the first proclayming of my banke-rout indigence 
and beggery to bende my course to such a curteous com- 
passionate clime as Yarmouth, and to wame others that 
aduaunce their heades aboue all others, and haue not 5 
respected, but rather flatly opposed themselues against the 
Frier mSdicants of our profession, what their amercements 
and vnrepriueable pennance will be, excepte they teare ope 
their oystermouthd pouches quickly, and make double 
amendes for their parsimony. I am no Tiresias or Calckas 10 
to prophecie, but yet I cannot tell, there may bee more 
resoundii^ bel-mettall in my pen then I am aware, and 
if there bee, the first peale of it is Yarmouthes. For a 
patteme or tiny-sample what my elaborate performance 
would bee in this case, had I a ful-sayld gale of prosperity is 
to encourage mee, (whereas at the dishumored composing 
hereof I may iustly complaine, with Ouid^ 

Anchora tarn nostram nan tenet vUa ratem; 
My state is so tost and weather-beaten that it hath nowe 
no anchor-holde left to cleaue vnto,) I care not if, in a ao 
dimme farre of launce^kippe, I take the paines to describe 
this superiminente principall Metropolis of the redde Fish. 
A towne it is that in rich situation exceedeth many dtties, 
and without the which, Caput gentis^ the swelling Battle- 
mentes of Gurguntus, a head citty of Norffolke and 35 
Suffblke, would scarce retaine the name of a Citty, but 
become as ruinous and desolate as Thetforde or Elys 
out of an hill or heape of sande, reared and enforced from 
the sea most miraculously, and, by the singular pollicy 
and vncessant inestimable expence of the Inhabitantes, 30 
so firmely piled and rampierd against the fumish waues 
battry, or su}nig the leaste action of recouerie, that it is 
more coniecturall of the twaine, the land with a writ of 
an Eiectume firma wil get the vpperhande of the Ocean, 

7 m e rtiCKn t ii Q, 16 mee, whereas Q, 17 I] Harl^ ffimd, : 0m. 

Q, Gro, OmtL Q. i8 r^em, Q. 19 New par, Q, Harl> \ ffmd,^ 

Civ, so vnta I Q. aa soperimente Qt HoH} 29 aingnkr Q, 

34 an] HarLy Hu%d.\ %Q\ om, Gro* 



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THE RED HERRING 157 

then the Ocean one crowes skip preuaQe against the 
Continent. Forth of the sands thus stniglingly as it 
exalteth | and liftes vp his glittering head, so of the B 3 
neyboring sands no lesse semblably (whether in recorda- 

S tion of their worn out affinitie or no, I know not) it is 
so inamoratdy protected and patronized, that they stand 
as a trench or guarde about it in the night, to keep off 
their enemies. Now in that drowsie empire of the pale- 
iac't Queene of shades, malgre letting driue vpon tiieir 

to Barricadoes, or impetuously contending to bieake through 
their chaine or barre, but they entombe and balist with 
sodaine destruction. In this transcin^ue reportory with- 
out some obsemant glaunce I may not dully oueipasse 
the gallant beauty of their hauen, ndiich, hauing but as 

15 it were a wdte of land, or, as M. Camden cals it, Ungulam 
terrscy a little tong of the earth, betwixte it and the wide 
Maine, sticks not to mannage armes and hold his owne 
vndefeasably against that vniuersall vnbounded empery 
of surg^, and so hath done for this hundreth yeere. 

9o Two mile in length it stretcheth his winding current, 
and then meetes with a spatious riuer or backwater that 
feedes it. A narrow channell or Isiknms in rash vkw 
you woulde opinionate it: when this I can deuoutly 
auerre, I beholding it with both my eies this last fishii^, 

95sixe hundreth reasonable barkes and vesselles of good 
burden (with a vantage) it hath giuen shelter to at once 
in her harbour, and most of them riding abrest before 
the Key betwixt the Bridge and the Southgate. Many 
bows length beyond the marke my penne roues not, 

30 1 am certain: if I doe, they stand at my elbow that 
can correct mee. The delectablest lustie sight and 
mouingest obiect, me thought it was, that our lie sets 
forth, and nothing bdiinde in number with the inuindble 
Spanish Armada^ though they were not such Gargantuan 

8 bead, so] Gro,\ head. So Q. 8 Now] Qy, read Noik»f But 

pribabfy something has drofped out, 20 stretcheth] Grp. : stretched Q : 

stretch^ Harl^ Hind* 35 nothng Q. 



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158 THE PRAYSE OF 

boysterous gulliguts as they, though ships and galeasses 
they would haue beene reckoned in the nauy of K. 
JS^ar; who is chronicled & regbtred with three thou- 
sand ships of warre to haue scoured the narrow seas, 
and sailed round about England euery Summer. That ^ 
which especiallest nourisht the most prime pleasure in 
Ba^'me was after a | storme when they were driuen in 
swarmes, and lay close pestred together as thicke as 
they could packe ; the next day following, if it were 
fisure, they would cloud the whole skie with canuas, byio 
spreading their drabled sailes in the full clue abroad 
a drying, and make a brauer shew with them then so 
many banners and streamers displayed against the Sunne 
on a mountaine top. But how Yarmouth, of it selfe so 
innumerable populous and replenished, and in so barraine i5 
a plot seated, should not onely supply her inhabitants 
with plentifuU purueyance of sustenance, but prouant 
and victuall moreouer this monstrous army of strangers, 
was a matter that ^^egiously bepuzled and entranced 
my apprehension. Hollanders, Zelanders, Scots, French, ^ 
Westeme men, Northren men, besides sdl the hundreds 
and wapentakes nine miles compasse, fetch the best of 
their viands and mangery from her market For ten 
weeks t(^ether this rabble rout of outlandishers are 
billetted with her ; yet in all that while the rate of no H 
kinde of food is raised, nor the plenty of their markets 
one pinte of butter rebated, and at the ten weekes end, 
when the campe is broken vp, no impression of any 
dearth left, but rather more store then before. Some of 
the towne dwellers haue so large an opinion of their setled 3^ 
prouision, that, if all her Maiesties fleet at once should 
put into their bay, within twelue dayes warning with so 
much double beere, beefe, fish, and bisket they wouU 
bulke them as they could wallow away with. 

Here I could breake out into a boundlesse race of^* 
oratory, in shrill trumpetting and concdebrating the 
7-S Qy.rtadMwainhLtwxneMf 



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THE RED HERRING 159 

ToydXL m^^ficence of her goueraement, that for state 
and strict duill ordering scant admitteth any riuals: 
but I feare it would be a theame displeasant to the 
graue modesty of the discreet present magistrates ; and 

5 therefore consultiuely I ouerslip it ; howsoeuer I purpose 
not in the like nice respect to leape ouer the laudable 
petigree of Yarmouth, but will fetch her from her swad- 
ling clouts or infancy, & reueale to you when | and by B 4 
whom she was first raught out of the oceans armes, and 

10 start vp and aspired to such starry sublimitie ; as also 

acquaint you with the notable immunities, franchises, 

priuil^es she is endowed with beyond all her confiners, 

by the discentine line of kings from the conquest. 

There be of you, it may be, that will account me a 

15 paltrer, for hanging out the signe of the redde Herring 
in my title page, and no such feast towards for ought 
you can see. Soft and faire, my maisters, you must walke 
and talke before dinner an houre or two, the better to 
whet your appetites to taste of such a dainty dish as 

to the redde Herring; and that you may not thinke the 

time tedious, I care not if I beare you company, and 

leade you a sound walke round about Yarmouth, and 

shew you the length and bredth of it 

The masters and batchellours commensement dinners 

nat Cambridge and Oxford are betwixt three and foure 
in the aftemoone, & the rest of the antecedence of the 
day wome out in disputations: imagine this the act 
or commensement of Uie red Herring, that proceedeth 
batcheler, master, & doctor all at once, & therefore his 

30 disputations must be longer. But to the point, may it 
please the whole generation of my auditours to be aduer- 
tised, how that noble earth where the town of great 
Yarmouth is now mounted, & where so much fish is 
sold, in the dayes of yore hath bin the place where you 

35 might haue catcht fish, & as plaine a sea, within this 

la her] het Q, 27 imagine then this act Gro. $K might have catched 
T^Ifari.^Ifimf.i might hane catch fiih Q : might catdh fish (^. 



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i(So THE PRAYSE OF 

600. yere, as any bote could tumble iiii & so was tlie 
whole Icuill of the Marshes betwixt it and Norwich. 
An. Do. looo. or thereabouts (as I haue scrapt out of 
^ormeaten Parchment), and in the Raigne of Campus, 
hee that dyed drunke at Lambedi or Lome-hith, some- 5 
what before or aomewbait after, not a prenticeship of 
yeares varying, Caput extuHt vndis^ the sands set vp 
shop for themselues, and from that moment to this sextine 
centurie (or let me not be taken with a lye, fiue hundred 
nintie eight, that wants but a paire of yeares to make me 10 
B 4^ a true man) they would no more liue vnder the | yoke of 
the Sea, or haue their heads washt with his bubbly spume 
or Barbers balderdash, but dearely quitted, dtsterminated, 
and relegated themselues from his inflated Capriciousnesse 
of playing the Dictator ouer them. ^5 

The Northeme winde was the clai^^ing trumpetter, who, 
with the terrible blast of his throate, in one yeallow heape 
or plumpe, clustred or coi^^ested them togither, euen as the 
Westeme gales in Holland right ouer against them haue 
wrought vnruly hauocke, and tfaresht and swept the sandes ao 
so before them that they haue choakt or clamd vp the 
middle walke or dore of the Rhene^ and made it as stable 
a clod-mould, or turflfe ground, as any hedger can driue 
stake in. Castter, two mile distant from this new Yar- 
mouth we intreate of, is inscribed to be that olde Yarmouth ss 
wherof there are specialties to be scene in the oldest 
writers, and yet some visible apparant tokens remaine of 
a hauen that ran vp to it, and there had his entrance into 
the sea, (by aged Fishermen commonly tearmed Grubs 
Hauen^ though now it be graueld vp, and the streame or v> 
tyde-gate turned another way. But this is most warrant- 
able, the Alpha of all the Yarmouths it was, & not the 
Omega correspondently, & fr6 her withered roote they 
branch the high ascent of their genealogie. Omnium 
rerum vicissitudo esty ones falling is anothers rising, and 35 
so fell it out with that mind Dorpe or hamlet, which 
4 CmtHim Q. 21 dund] duad Giv, 39 wa, bj Q. 



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THE RED HERRING i6i 

after it had relapst into the Lordes handes for want of 
reparations, and there were not men enough in it to defend 
the shore from inuasion, one Cerdicus^ a Plashing Saxon, 
that had reueld here and there with his battleaxe, on 

5 the bordring bankes of the decrepite ouerwome village 
now sumamed Gorlstone threw forth his anchor, and with 
the assistance of his speare, in stead of a pikestaffe, leapt 
agroQd like a sturdie bniite, and his yeomen bolde cast 
their heeles in their necke, and friskt it after him, and 

lo thence sprouteth that obscene appellation of Sarding 
sondes, with the draffe of | the carterly Hoblobs there- C i 
abouts concoct or disgeast for a scripture verity, when 
the right christendome of it is Cerdicke sands, or Cerdick 
shore, of Cerdicus so denominated, who was the first may- 

15 lord or captaine of the morris daunce that on those 
embenched shelues stampt his footing, where cods & 
deafish swomme (not a warp of weeks forerunning), & 
til he had giuen the onset, they balkt th@ as quicksands. 
By and by after his iumping vppon them, the Saxons, 

ao for that Garianonum, or Yarmoth, that had giuen vp the 
ghost, in those slymie plashie fieldes of Gorlstone trowled 
vp a second Yarmouth, abutting on the West side of the 
shore of this great Yarmouth that is ; but feeling the ayre 
to be vnholsome and disagreeing with them, to the ouer- 

35 whart brink or verge of the flud, that writ all one stile of 
Cerdicke sands, they dislodged with bagge and baggage, 
and there layde the foundatid of a third Yarmouth Quam 
nulla potest abolere vetustas^ that I hope will holde vp 
her head till Doomesday. In this Yarmouth, as Master 

30 Camden saith, there were seauentie inhabitants, or hous- 
holders, that payed scot and lot in the time of Edward 
the Confessor, but a Chronographycal Latine table, which 
they haue hanging vp in their Guild hall, of all their trans- 
mutations from their Cradlehoode, infringeth this a little, 

35 and flatters her shee is a great deale yonger^ in a faire 

text hand texting vnto vs how, in the Scepterdome of 

iz witb] which Gr^. la scripture^ ^^«>lt]r, when Q 17 swomme not Q* 

m M 



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i6a THE PRAYSE OF 

Edward the Confessor, the sands first b^;an to growe 
into sight at a low water, and more sholder at the 
mouth of the ryuer Hirus or Ierus\ whereupon it was 
dubbed lemmouth or Yarmouth: and then there were 
two Channels, one on the North, another on the South, s 
where through the fisher-men did wander and wauer vp 
to Norwitch and diuers parts of Suffolke and Norfolke, all 
the fennie Lema betwixt, that with Reede is so imbristled, 
being (as I haue forespoke or spoken to fore) Madona 
Amphitrite^ fluctuous demeans or fee simple. lo 

From the Citie of Norwich on the East part, it is six- 
C I'' teene | mile disiunct and dislocated ; and though betwixt 
the Sea and the salt fiud it be interposed, yet in no place 
about it can you dig^e sixe foote deepe, but you shaU 
haue a gushing spring of fresh or sweete water for all i$ 
vses, as apt and accommodate as Saint Winifrides Well, 
or Towre-hill water at London, so much praised and 
sought after. My Tables are not yet one quarter emptied 
of my notes out of their Table, which because it is, as it 
were, a Sea Rutter diligently kept amongst them from age ao 
to age, of all their ebbs and flowes, and winds that blew 
with or against them, I tie my selfe to more precisely, and 
thus it leadeth on. 

In the time of King Herrolde and William the Con- 
querour, this sand of Yarmouth grew to a setled lumpe, n 
and was as drie as the sands of Arabia, so that thronging 
theaters of people (as well Aliens as Englishmen) hiued 
thither about the selling of fish and Herring, from Saint 
Michael to Saint Martin, and there built sutlers booths and 
tabernacles, to canopie their heads in from the rhewme of 30 
the heauens, or the clouds dissoluing Cataracts. King 
William Rufus hauing got the Golden wreath about his 
head, one Htrbertus^ Bishop of the sea of Norwich, hearing 
of the gangs of good fellowes that hurtled and bustled 
thither, as thicke as it had beene to the shrine of Saint as 
Thomas a Becket or our Ladie of Walsingham, builded 
5 xlie South Q. ^10 Madom^ AmphUrUc^ Q. is diilorated Q, Gr9. 



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THE RED HERRING 163 

a certaine Chappell there for the seruice of God, and salua- 
tion of soules« 

In the raigne of King Henrie the first, King Steuen^ 
King Henrie the second, and Richard de corde Lyon^ the 

6 apostacie of the sands from the )ralping world was so great 
that they ioynd themselues to the maine land of Eastfl^e, 
and whole tribes of males and females trotted, bai^d it 
thither, to build and enhabite, which the saide Kinges, 
whiles they weilded their swords temporall, animaduertised 

10 of, assigned a ruler or gouemour ouer them, that was called 
the Kings prouost, and that manner of prouostship or 
gouemment remained in full force and vertue all their 
fowre Throneships, | Alias a hundred yeare, euen till the C 2 
inauguration of King lohn ; in whose dayes the forewritten- 

15 of Bishop of Norwich, seeing the numbrous increase of 
soules of both kindes that there had framd their nests, and 
meant not to forsake them till the soule Bell towld them 
dience, puld downe his Chappell, and what by himselfe and 
the deuout oblations and donatiues of the fishermen vpon 

so euery returne with their nets full, reedifide and raysed it to 
a Church of that magnitude, as, vnder ministers and Cathe- 
drals, verie queasie it admits any haylefellow well met ; and 
the Church of Saint Nicholas he hallowed it; whence 
Yarmouth roade is nicknamed the Roade of Saint Nicholas.^ 

15 King loftHy to comply and keep consort with his auncestors 
in fiirthring of this new water-worke, in the ninth )^eare of 
the engirting his annoynted browes with the refulgent 
Ophir circle, and Anno 1009., set a fresh glosse vppon it, 
of the towne or free burrough of Yarmouth, and fumisht it 

30 with many substantial priuiledges and liberties, to haue and 
to holde the same of him and his race for fifty fine pound 
yearely. In Anno 1240. it percht vp to be gouemd by 
balies, and in a narrower limmitte then the forty yeares 
vndermeale of the seauen sleepers, it had so much towe to 

35 her distaffe and was so well lined and bumbasted, that in a 
sea battell her shippes and men conflicted the cinque ports, 
24 inangnntion Q. 19 dovadnet Q, 34 Yannitoiith Q. 

Ma 



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i64 THE PRAYSE OF 

and therein so laid about them that they burnt, tooke, and 
spoyled the most of them, whereof such of them as were 
sure flights (sauing a reuerence of their manhoods) ranne 
crying and complayning to King Henry the second ; whoi 
with the aduice of his counsaile, set a fine of a thousand s 
pound on the Yarmouth mens heads for that offence, which 
fine in the tenth of his reigne hee dispenc*t with and 
pardoned. 

Edward the first, and Edward the second likewise, let 
them lacke for no priuiledges, changing it from a burrough lo 
to a porte towne, and there setting vp a custome house 
with the appurtenances for the loading and vnloading of 
C av ships. I Henry the third in the fortieth of his empery 
cheard vp their blouds with two charters more, and in Anno 
1262. and forty fine of his courte keeping, hee permitted 15 
them to wall in their towne, and moate it about with 
a broade ditch, and to haue a prison or iaile in it. In the 
swindge of his trident he constituted two Lord admirals 
ouer the whole nauy of England, which he disposed in two 
partes, the one to beare sway from the Thames mouth ao 
Northwarde, called the Northren nauy, the other to shape 
his course from the Thames mouth to the westwarde, 
termed the westerne nauy ; and ouer this northren nauy, for 
admirall, commissionated one lohn Peerbrowne, burgesse of 
the towne of Yarmouth, and ouer the westerne nauy one h 
Sir Robert Laburnus, knight 

But Peerebrowne did not only hold his office all the time 
of that king, doeing plausible seruice, but was againe 
Readmirald by Edward the third, and so died ; in the 
fourteenth of whose raigne he met with the french Kinges 30 
nauy, bedng foure-hundred saile, neere to the hauen of 
Sluse, and there so slic't and slasht them & tore their 
plancks to mammocks, and their leane guttes to kites meate 
that their best mercy was fire & water which hath no mercie 
and not a victuelar or a drumbler of them hanging in the 35 
winde aloofe, but was rib-roasted or had some of his ribbes 
13 ifmry cw. ao thamet Q, aa thunes Q, 



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THE RED HERRING 165 

crusht with their ston-darting engines, no ordinance then 
beeing inuented. This Edward the thirde, of his propensiue 
minde towardes them, vnited to Yarmouth Kirdey roade, 
from it seauen mile vacant, and, sowing in the furrowes 

5 that his predecessours had entred, hayned the price of their 
priuiledges & not brought them downe one barley kimell. 

Ridiard the second, vpon a discord twixt Leystofe and 
Yarmouth, after diuerse law-dayes and arbitrarie mandates 
to the counties of Suffolke and Norfolke directed about it, 

10 in proper person 1385. came to Yarmouth, and, in his 
parliamente the yeare ensuing, confirmed vnto it the 
liberties of Kirtley roade (the onely motiue of all their 
contention). | Henrie the fifth, or the fifth of the Henries C 3 
that ruled ouer vs, abridged them not a mite of their 

15 purdiast prerogatiues, but permitted them to builde a bridge 
ouer their hauen and ayded and furthered them in it 
Henry the sixth, Edward the fourth, Henry the seauenth 
and King Henry the eight, with his daughters Queene 
Mary and our Chora deum soboles^ Queene Elizabeth, haue 

30 not withred vp their handes in signing and subscribing to 
their requests, but our virgin rectoresse most of al hath 
shoured downe her bounty vpon them, graunting them 
greater graunts then euer they had, besides by-matters of 
the clarke of the marketshippe, and many other beneuo- 

35 lences towardes the reparation of their porte. This and 
euery towne hath his backewinters or frostes that nippe it 
in the blade (as not the clearest sunne-shine but hath his 
shade, and there is a time of sicknes as well as of health). 
The backewinter, the froste biting, the eclipse, or shade, 

30 and sicknesse of Yarmouth was a greate sicknesse or plague 
in it 1348., of which in one yeare seauen thousand and fifty 
people toppled vp their heeles there. The newe building 
at die west ende of the Church was begunne there 1330., 
which, like the imperfit workes of Kinges colledge in 

35 Cambridge, or Christ-church in Oxford, haue too costly 
large foundations to be euer finished. 

51 it] A.D. Gro* 34 kinget Q 



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t66 the PRAYSE OF 

It is thought, if the towne had not beene so scourged 
and eaten vp by that mortality, out of their owne purses 
they woulde haue proceeded with it, but nowe they haue 
gone a neerer way to the woode, for with wooden galleries 
in the Church that they haue, and sta}rry degrees of seates s 
in them, they make as much roome to sitte and heare as a 
newe west end would haue done. 

Th^ length and bredth of Yarmouth I promised to shew 
you ; haue with you, haue with you : but first looke wistly 
vpon the walles, which, if you marke, make a stretcht out lo 
quadrangle with the hauen. They are in compasse, from 
c z"* the I South cheanes to the North cheanes, two thousand 
one hundreth and fourescore yardes. They haue towrps 
vpon them sixteene: mounts vnderfonging & enflancldng 
them two of olde, now three, which haue their thundring 15 
tooles to compell Diego Spanyard to ducke, and strike the 
winde collicke in his paunch, if he praunce to neere them, 
and will not vaile to the Queene of England. The compasse 
about the wall of this new mount is fine hundreth foot, and 
in the measure of yards eight score and seuen. The bredth so 
of the foundation nine foot : the depth within ground eleuen. 
The heighth to the setting thereof fifteene foot, and in 
bredth, at the setting of it, fine foot three inches, and the 
procerous stature of it (so embailing and girdling in this 
mount) twentie foot and sixe inches. Gates to let in her n 
friends, and shut out her enemies, Yarmouth hath ten; 
lans seeuenscore: as for her streets, they are as long as 
threescore streets in London, and yet they diuide them but 
into three, Voide ground in the towne from the walles to 
the houses, and from the houses to the hauen, is not within 30 
the verge of my Geometry. The liberties of it on the fresh 
water one way, as namely from Yarmouth to •$*. TooUes 
in Beckles water, are ten mile, and from Yarmouth to 
Hardlie crosse another way, ten mile, and, conclusiuely, 
from Yarmouth to Waybridge in the narrow North water 35 

16 Deigo Q. 33 thtee Q. a6 eDCmies. Yannoath Gtv. 36-7 ten 
Uns, seeaensoore : as Q, Gro, 



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THE RED HERRING 167 

tenne mile; in all which foords or Meanders none can 

attache, arrest, distresse, but their officers; and if any 

drowne themselues in them, their Crowners sit vpon them. 

I had a crotdiet in my head, here to haue giuen the 

S raines to my pen, and run astray thorowout all the coast 
townes of England, digging vp their dilapidations, and 
raking out of the dust-heape or chamell house of tenebrous 
eld the rottenest relique of their monuments, and bright 
scoured the canker eaten brasse of their first bricklayers 

10 and founders, & commented and paralogized on their' 
condition m the present, & in the pretertense ; not for any 
loue or hatred I beare | them, but that I would not be c 4 
snibd, or haue it cast in my dishe that therefore I prayse 
Yarmouth so rantantingly, because I neuer elsewhere 

IS bayted my horse, or tooke my bowe and arrowes and went 
to bed. Which leesing (had I bene let alone) I would haue 
put to bed with a recumbentibus, by vttcring the best that, 
with a safe conscience, mought be vttred of the best or 
worst of them all, and notwithstanding all at best that 

ao tongue could speake or hart could thinke of them, they 
should bate me an ace of Yarmouth. Mutch brainetossing 
and breaking of my scull it cost me, but farewell it, and 
Catrewel the Baylies of the Cynqueports, whose primordiat 
Geneihliaca was also dropping out of my inckhorne, with 

ts the sylueroare of their barronry by William the Conquerour 
conueyed ouei* to them at that nicke when hee firmed 
and rubrickt the Kentishmens gauill kinde of the sonne 
to inherite at fifteene, and the felony of the father not 
to draw a foot of land from the sonne, & amongst the sonnes 

30 the portion to be equally distributed; and if there were 
no sonnes, much good doe it the daughters, for they were 
to share it after the same tenure, and might alienate it 
how they would, either by legacy or bai^ine, without the 
consent of the lord. 

35 To shun spight I smothered these dribblements, & 

I Msandors: none Q, Gro, ai Mutch . . . ] New par, Gro, 24 GethiU' 
'*«», e> J^ori'* ^MU, Gro. 36 to] Harl^\ Hind. : onu Q, Gro., Harl? 



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168 THE PRAYSE OF 

refrained to descant how William the Conquerour, hauing 
heard the prouerbe of Kent and Christendome, thought he 
had woonne a countrey as g^ood as all Christendome when 
he was enfeofed of Kent, for which, to make it sure vnto 
him after he was entailed thereunto, nought they askt they 5 
needed to aske twise, it being enacted ere the words came 
out of their mouth. Of that profligated labour yet my 
breast pants and labours: a whole moneths minde of 
reuoluing meditation I raueling out therein, (as raueling 
out signifies Penelopes telam retexere^ the vnweauing of 10 
a webbe before wouen and contexted:) It pities me, it 
pities me, that in cutting of so faire a diamond as 
C 4"" Yarmouth, I haue not a casket of | dusky Cornish diamonds 
by me, and a boxe of muddy foiles, the better to set 
it forth. Vt nemo miser nisi comparaius^ sic nikil pro »5 
mirifico nisi cum alijs conferatur. Cedite * soli^ stellae 
scintUlantes ; soli Garrianano cedite, reliqua oppida veligera, 
sedium naualium speciocissimo. Sed redeo ad vernacubim. 
All Common wealths assume their prenominations of 
their common diuided weale, as where one man hath not 20 
too much riches, and another man too much pouertie: 
Such was Plates communitie, and Licurgus and the olde 
Romans lawes of measuring out their fields, their meads, 
their pastures & houses, and meating out to euery one his 
childes portion. To this Commune bonum (or euery horse n 
his loafe) Yarmouth in propinquity is as the buckle to the 
thong, and the next finger to the thumbe; not that it 
is sibbe or cater-cousins to any mugrel Democratic^ in 
which one is all, & all is one, but that in her, as they are 
not al one, so one or two there pockets not vp all the 30 
peeces; there beeing two hundreth in it worth three 
hundred pounde a peece, with poundage and shillings 
to the lurtched, set a side the Bailifes fowre and twentie, 
and eight and fourtie. Put out mine eye, who can, with 
such another bragge of any Sea towne within two hundred 35 

13 cmsket | dusky Q. Coraiah Q. 18 speciocissimo sod Q. aa 

commimitie and Licurpts^ and Q. 35 any] JIarht JUtuL^ Gro, i my Q. 



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THE RED HERRING 169 

myle of it But this common good within it selfe is 
nothing to the common good it communicats to the whole 
state. Shall I particularize vnto you quibus vijs &* modis^ 
how and wherein ? There is my hand to, I will doe it, and 
5 this is my Exordium. A towne of defence it is to the 
Counties of Suffolke and NorfoUce against the enemies, 
(so acounted at the first graunting of their liberties,) and 
by the naturall strength of the situation so apparant, 
being both inuironed with many sands, and now of late 

10 by great charge much more fortified then in auncient 
times. All the Realme it profiteth many waies, as by the 
free Faire of herring chiefly, maintained by the fisher-men 
of Yarmouth themselues, by the great plentie of salted fish 
there, not so little two yeares past as foiu-e hundred 

15 thousand, wherein were imployed | about fourescore saile D 1 
of barkes of their owne. 

By the furnishing forth of forty boates for mackerell 
at the spring of the yeare when all thinges are dearest, 
which is a great reliefe to all the country thereaboutes, 

10 and soone after Bartlemewe-tyde, a hundred and twenty 
sayle of their owne for herrings, and forty sayle of other 
ships and barkes trading Newe castle, the lowe countries, 
and other voyages. Norwitch, at her Maiesties comming 
in progresse thither, presented her. with a shew of 

S5 knitters on a high stage placed for the nonce ; Yarmouth, 
if the like occasid were, could clap vp as good a shewe 
of netbrayders, or those that haue no doathes to wrappe 
their hides in or breade to put in their mouthes but what 
they eame and get by brayding of nets (not so little as two 

30 thousand pound they yearely dispersing amongst the 
poore women and children of the country for the spinning 
of twine to make them with, besides the labour (^ the 
enhabitauntes in working them); and, for a cdmodious 
greene place neere the seashoare to mende and drie them, 

4 to] too Hari}^, Hind. Qy, read to it f 5 it] It {prokm \) Q, la 

henings, chiefly maintained HarU^ *, Hind, : hemne, chiefly maintained 6Vv^ 
HarlJ 17 Run on in Harl} a a trading to Newcastle ^tfr^' *, ^mm/.^ 
Cro. 33 them) and Q, Gro, 34 them,] Uiem; Harl? : them : Gr9, 



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170 THE PRAYSE OF 

not Salsbury plaine or Newmarket heath (though they 
haue no vicinity or neighbourhoode with the sea, or scarce 
with any ditch or pond of freshwater) may ouerpeere 
or out crow her, there being aboue fiue thousand pounds 
Worth of them at a time vppon her dennes a simning. 5 
A conuenient key within her hauen shee hath, for the 
deliuery of nets and herrings, where you may lie a floate 
at a lowe water, (I beseech you doe not so in the Thames ;) 
many seruiceable maniners and seafaring-men shee trayn- 
eth vp (but of that in the herring). 10 

The marishes and lower grounds lying vpon the three 
riuers that vagary vp to her (comprehending many thou- 
sand acres) by the vigilant preseruation of their hauen are 
encreased in value more then halfe, which else would be 
a Mxotis palm, a meare or lake of Eeles, Frogges, and 15 
wilde-duckes. The citty of Norwitch (as in the Pretudium 
heereof I had a twitch at) fares nere the worse for her, nor 
D I'' would fare so wel | if it were not for the fishe of all sortes 
that shee cloyeth her with, and the felowship of their 
hauen, into which their three riuers infuse themselues, ^ 
and through which their goods and merdiandise from 
beyonde seas are keeled vp with small cost to their very 
thresholds, and to many good townes on this side and 
beyond. I woulde be loth to builde a laborinth in the 
gatehouse of my booke, for you to loose your sdues as 
in, and therefore I shred of many thinges ; we will but 
cast ouer the bill of her charge, and talke a worde or two 
of her buildings, and breake vp and go to breakefast with 
the red herring. The hauen hath cost in these last 28. 
yeares, sixe and twenty thousand two hundred and sixe and 30 
fifty pounde foure shillinges and fiue pence. Fortification 
and poulder since Anno Jj8j. two thousand markes, the sea* 
seruice in Anno ij88. eight hundreth poundes, the Portingale 
vo3^e a thousand pound, the voyage to Cales as much. 

5 dennes] domies Gro. tanning Q, 8 water; (I Q, 8-9 thames), 
many Q. 10 in] on Gro. 17 nere] Harl^, Gror, were Qi never 

Harl} ", Hind. 



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THE RED HERRING 171 

It hath lost by the Dunkerkers a thousand pound, 
by the Frenchmen three thousand, by Wafting eight 
hundred, by the Spaniardes and other losses not rated, 
at the least three thousand more. The continuall charge 

5 of the Towne in maintenance of their Hauen, fine hundred 
pounds a yeare, Omnibus annis for euer, the feefarme • 
of the Towne fiftie fine pound, and fine pound a yeare 
aboue for Kirtley Roade. The continuall charge of the 
bridge ouer the hauen, their walls, and a number of other 

10 odde reckonings we deale not with ; towards all which 
they haue not in certaine reuenewes aboue fiftie or three- 
score pounds a yeare, "^and that is in houses. The yearely 
chaise towards the prouision of fishe for her Maiestie 
1000. pounds : as for arable matters of tillage and hus- 

15 bandrie, and grasing of cattell, their barraine sand swill 
not beare them^ and they get not a beggers noble by one 
or other of them, but their whole haruest is by Sea. 

It were to be wished that other coasters were so indus- 
trious as the Yarmouth, in winning the treasure of fish out 

90 of those profundities, and then we should haue twentie 
egges I a pennie, and it would be as plentifuU a world D a 
as when Abbies stoode ; and now, if there be any plentifull 
world, it is in Yarmouth. Her sumptuous porches and gar- 
nisht buildings are such as no port Towne in our Brittish 

15 circumference (nay, take some porte Citties ouerplus into 
the bargainer) may suitably stake with, or adequate. 

By the proportion of the East siuprised Gades or Cales 
diuers haue tried their cunning to configurate a twinlike 
image of it, both in the correlatiue analagie of the span- 

30 broad rowse running betwixt, as also of the skirt or lappet 
of earth whereon it stands; heerein onely limitting the 
difference, that the houses heere are not such flatte 
custard Crownes at the top as they are. But I for my 
parte cast it aside as two obscure a Canton to demonstrate 

35 and take the altitude by of so Elisian a habitation as 
Yarmouth. Of a bounzing side-wasted parish in Lanca- 

21 a penny <.«. 26 Bargain HarL^ Hind, . 54 too HarL\ Gro. 



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I7a THE PRAYSE OF 

shire we hauc a flying voycc dispersed, where they goe 
nine mile to Church euery Sunday, but Parish for Parish 
throughout Lancashire, Cheshire, or Wingandecoy, both 
for numbers in grosse of honest houshoulders, youthfull 
couragious valiant spirites, and substantial! graue Buif;ers, 5 
Yarmouth shall droppe vie with them to the last Edward 
groate they are worth. I am posting to my proposed 
scope, or else I could runne tenne quier of paper out of 
breath, in further trauersing her rightes and dignities. 

But of that fraught I must not take in two liberall, in 10 
case I want stowage for my red Herring, which I rely vpon 
as my wealthiest loading. Farewell, flourishing Yarmouth, 
and be euery day more flourishing then other vntill the 
latter day; whiles I haue my sence or existence, I will 
persist in louing thee, and so with this abrupt Post script 15 
I leaue thee. I haue not trauaild farre, though conferred 
with farthest trauailers, from our owne Realme ; I haue 
tumd ouer venerable Bede^ and plenteous beadrowles of 
frierly annals following on the backe of him. Polidore 
Virgilly Bucchanan^ Camdens Brittania^ and most recordes ao 
D a'' of friendes or enemies I haue | searcht, as concerning the 
later modell of it ; none of the inland partes thereof but I 
haue traded them as frequently as the middle walke in 
Poules, or my way to bed euery night, yet for ought I haue 
read, heard, or seene, Yarmouth, r^;all Yarmouth, of all as 
maritimall townes that are no more but fisher townes, soly 
ra^eth sance peere. 

Not any where is the word seuerer practised, the 
preacher reuerentlier obserued and honoured, iustice sounder 
ministred, and a warlike people peaceablier demeanourd, 30 
betwixte this and the Grand Cathay^ and the strand of 
Prester lohn. 

Adew, adue, tenne thousand folde delicate paramour of 
Neptune^ the nexteyeare my standish may haps to addresse 

10 fran^t] ftan^ Q. too Harl}^ Gro. ai searcht u Q i leaidked, 
as HarL,JIin(L : searcht: as Gro, aa it, none Q, Gro, 34 haps] 

happen HarL^ ', Hind. : hope GrtK 



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THE RED HERRING 173 

another voyage vnto thee, if this haue any acceptice. 
Now it is high heaking time, and bee the windes neuer so 
easterly aduerse and the tyde fled from vs, wee must 
violently towe and hale in our redoubtable Sophy of the 

5 floating kingdom of Pisces, whome so much as by name I 
shoulde not haue acknowledged, had it not beene that I 
mused how Yarmouth should be inuested in such plenty 
and opulence, considering that in M. Hackluits English 
discoueries I haue not come in ken of one mizzen mast of a 

10 man of warre bound for the Indies or mediteranean steme- 
bearer sente from her Zenith or Meridian, Mercuriall 
brested M. Harbame alwaies accepted, a rich sparke of 
eternity first lighted and enkindled at Yarmouth, or there 
first bred and brought forth to see the light, who since, in 

15 the hottest d^prees of Leo, hath ecchoing no3^sed the name 
of our Ilande and of Yarmouth so TriUmly that not an 
infant of the curtaild skinclipping pagans but talk of 
London as frequently as of their Prophets tombe at Mxcha^ 
& as much worships our maidenpeace as it were but one 

so sun that shin'd ouer them alL Our first embassadour was 
he to the Behemoth of Constantinople^ and as Moses was 
sent from the omnipotent God of heauen to perswade with 
Saltan Pharao to let the children of Israeli goe, so from 
the pre-|potent goddesse of the earth, Eliza, was hee sent D 3 

ss to set free the English captiues and open vnto vs the 
passage into the redde sea and Euphrates. How impetrable 
hee was in mollyfying the *adamantinest tiranny of*Theada- 
mankinde, and hourely crucifier of Ies%is Christ crucifyde, ^^^^" 
& wrooter vp of Pallestine, those that be scrutinus to pry nothing but 

30 into, let them reuolue the Digests of our English discoueries ^^^^' 
cited vp in the precedence, and be documentized most 
locupleatly. Of him and none but him, who in valuation 
is woorth 18. huge Argosees full of our present dated 
mishapen childish trauailers, haue I took sent or come in 

35 the wind of, that euer Yarmoth vnshelled or ingendred to 

weather it on till they lost the North-starre, or sailed iust 

13 ncocptcda Q, Jfyri,,ffmd.Qy,ritad excepted, af 19 our] Chv.i or Q. 



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174 THE PRAYSE OF 

Antipodes against vs ; nor, walking in her streetes so many 
weekes togither, could I meete with any of these swag^ 
gering captaines, (captaines that wore a whole antient in 
a scarfe, which made them goe heaue shouldred, it was 
so boysterous,) or huftituftie youthful! ruffling comrades, 5 
wearing euery one three yeardes of feather in his cap for 
his mistris fauour, such as wee stumble on at each second 
step at Plimmouth, Southampton, and Portsmouth, but 
an uniuersal marchantly formallity, in habitte, speach, 
gestures, though little merchandise they beate their heades ici 
aboute, Queene Norwitch for that goeing betweene them 
and home: at length (6, that length of the full pointe 
spoiles me, all gentle readers, I beseech you pardon mee) 
I fell a communing herupon with a gentleman, a familiar 
of mine, & he eftsoones defined vnto mee that the redde 15 
herrii^ was this old Ticklecob^ or MagisUrfac toium^ that 
brought in the red ruddocks and the grummell seed as 
thicke as oatmeale, and made Yarmouth for ai^ent to put 
downe the citty of Argentine. Doe but conuert, said hee, 
the slenderest twinckling reflexe of your eie-sight to this ao 
flinty ringe that engirtes it, these towred walles, port-cuUizd- 
gates, and gorgeous architectures that condecorate and 
adome it, and then perponder of the red herringes priority 
D ^ and preualence, who is the | onely vnexhaustible mine that 
hath raisd and b^ot all this, and minutely to riper i| 
maturity fosters and cherisheth it. The red herring alone 
it is that counteruailes the burdensome detrimentes of our 
hauen, which euery twelue-month deuoures a lustice of 
peace lining, in weares and banckes to beate off the sand 
and ouerthwart ledging and fencing it in ; that defrayes all so 
impositions and outwarde payments to her Maiestie (in 
which Yarmouth giues not the wall to sixe, though sixe- 
teene moath-eaten bui^esse townes, that haue dawbers and 
thatchers to their Mayors, challenge in parliament the vpper 
hand of it), and, for the vaward or subburbes of my nana- ss 
tion, that empals our sage senatours or Ephori in princely 
9 CDinenal 6, Hart} 19 dowue Q. if ttward Gtp. 



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THE RED HERRING 175 

scarlet as pompous ostentyue as the Vinti quaUr or Lady 
Troynouant ; wherefore, quoth he, if there be in thee any 
whit of that vnqu^chable sacred fire of Appollo (as al men 
repute) and that Mimrua amongest the number of her 
5 heires hath addopted thee, or thou wilt commend thy muse 
to sempitemity, and haue images and statutes erected to her 
after her vnstringed silent interment and obsequies, rouze 
thy spirites out of this drowsie lethargy of mellanchoUy 
they are drencht in, and wrest them vp to the most out- 

xo stretched a)rry straine of elocution to chaunt and carroll 
forth the AlUza and excelsitude of this monarchall fluddy 
Induperatar. 

Very tractable to this lure I was trained, and put him 
not to the full anuiling of me with any sound hammering 

15 persuasion, in that at the first sight of thetop-gallant towers of 
Yarmouth, and a weeke before he had broken any of these 
words betwixt his teeth, my muse was ardently inflamed 
to do it some right; and how to bring it about fitter I knew 
not then in the praise of the red herring, whose proper soile 

20 and nursery it is. But this I must giue you to wit, how euer 
I haue tooke it vpon me, that neuer since I spouted incke was 
I of woorse aptitude to goe thorow with such a mighty 
March brewage as you expect, or temper you one right 
cup of that ancient wine of FaUmum^ which would last 

95 fourty yeere, or | consecrate to your fame a perpetuall D 4 
temple of the Pine-trees of Ida, which neuer rot For 
besides the loud bellowing prodigious flaw of indignation 
stird vp against me in my absence and extermination 
from the vpper region of our celestiall regiment, which hath 

30 dung mee in a maner downe to the infemall bottome of 
desolation^ and so troubledly bemudded with griefe and 
care euery cellor organ-pipeof my purer intellectuall faculties, 
that no more they consort with any ingenuous playful 
merriments, of my note-books and all books else here 

a TVoynpnani Q. 3 fire] JiarL^ Hind.^ Gro, : sire Q. 6 Sutnet 

Hari}^, Hind. 1 1 and] HarL^ H%nd.\ an Q, Gro. 13 Ivt, I Gro, 

14 anniliog Q. 33 ingenious Htari^\ Hind.^ Gro. 



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175 THE PRAYSE OF 

in the countrey I am bereaued, whereby I might enamell 
and hatch ouer this deuice more artificially and itiasterly» 
and attire it in his true orient varnish and tincture ; where- 
fore heart and good wil, a workman is nothing without his 
tooles ; had I my topickes by me in stead of my learned 5 
counsell to assist me, I might haps marshall my termes in 
better aray, and bestow such costly coquery cm this Marine 
niagnifico as you would preferre him before tart and galin-' 
gale, which Chaucer preheminentest encomionizeth aboue 
all iunquetries or confectionaries whatsoeuer. 10 

Now you must accept of it as the place semes, and, in 
stead of comfittes and sugar to strewe him with, take 
well in worth a farthing worth of flower to white him 
ouer and wamble him in, and I hauing no great pieces 
to discharge for his ben-uenue, or welcomming in, with 1$ 
this volley of Rhapsodies or small shotte he must rest 
pacified, and so Ad rem^ spurre cutte through thicke 
and thinne, and enter the triumphall charriot of the red 
herring. 

Omer of rats and frogs hath heroiqut it ; other oaten to 
pipers after him in praise of the Gnat, the Flea^ the 
Hasill nut, the Grashopper, the Butterflie, the Parrot, the 
Popiniay, Phillip sparrow, and the Cuckowe; the wan- 
tonner sort of them sing descant on their mistris gloue, her 
ring, her fanne, her looking glasse, her pantofle, and on the %i 
same iurie I might impannell Johannes SecunduSy with his 
I> 4" booke of the | two hundred kinde of kisses. Phylosophers 
come sneaking in with their paradoxes of pouertie, imprison- 
ment, death, sickenesse, banishment, and baldnesse, and 
as busie they are aboute the bee, the storke, the constant so 
turtle, the horse, the dog, the ape, the asse, the foxe, 
and the ferret Physitions deafen our eares with the 
Honorificabilitudinitatibus of their heauenly Panachsea^ 
their soueraigne Gmacum^ their glisters, their triades, 
their mithridates of fortie seuerall poysons compacted, 35 
their bitter Rubarbe and torturing Stibium. 

6 affitt Q. 97 of kinet] Ifarl, Ifmd., Gr9.\ ofleiKt Q. 



H 



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THE RED HERRING 177 

The posterior Italian and Germane comugraphers sticke 
not to applaude and cannonize vnnaturall sodomitrie, the 
strumpet errant, the goute, the ague, the dropsie, the 
sciatica, follie, drunckennesse, and sUmenry. The GaUi Galli- 
5 naceiy or cocking French^ swarme euery pissing while in their 
primmer editions, Imprimeda tour duy, of the vnspeakeable 
healthfull condiciblenesse of the Gomarrian great Poco^ 
a PocOy their true countriman euery inch of him, the pre- 
script lawes of Tennis or Balonne (which is most of their 

TO gentlemens chiefe liudyhoodes), the commoditie of hoarse- 
nes, bleare-eyes, scabd hams, threed-bare cloakes^ potcht 
^gs, and Panadas. Amongst our English harmonious 
calinos, one is vp with the excellence of the browne bill 
and the long bowe : another playes his prizes in print, in 

15 driuing it home with all weapons in right of the noble 
science of defence : a third writes passing enamorately of 
the nature of white-meates, and iustifies it vnder his hand 
to be bought & sould euery where, that they exceede 
Nectar & Ambrosia : a fourth comes foorth with something 

so in prayse of nothing : a fift of an enflamed heale to copper- 
smithes hal, all to beerimes it of the diuersitie of red noses, 
and the hierarchy of the nose magnificat. A sixt sweeps 
behinde the dore all earthly felicities, and makes Bakers 
manikins of them, if they stand in competende with a 

%l strong dozen of poyntes ; marrie they must be poyntes 
of the matter, you must consider, where-|of the formost E i 
codpisse poynt is the cranes prouerbe in painted clothes, 
feare God, and obey the king; and the rest, some haue 
tagges, and some haue none. A seuenth settes a Tobacco 

30 pipe in stead of a trumpet to his mouth, and of that diuine 
drugge proclaimeth miracles. An eygth capers it vp to 
the spheares in commendation of daunsing. A ninth 
offers sacrifice to the goddesse Cloaca^ and disportes him- 
selfe very schoUerly and wittilie about the reformation of 

35 close stooles and houses of office, and spicing and embalm- 

I cornngnphen] chronographers Gro, 7 Condiiciblenets Hart?'*, 

JfwuL, Gro. 13 calinot] Cftlendo*! Hind. 

ni N 



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178 THE PRAYSE OF 

ing their rancke intrailes, that they stincke not A tenth 
settes forth remedies of Tasted ij^rues against famine. 
To these I might wedge in Cornelius the brabantine, 
Seethe who was felloniously suspected in 87. for penning a dis- 
^m«ida- course of Tuftmockados, and a countrey gentleman of my 5 
tone before acquaintance who is launching forth a treatise as biggc 
DanicS"^ garbd as the french Academy of the Cornucopia of a cowe 
transiatis and what an aduantageable creature shee is, beyonde 
prcses ©r* *'' ^^^ foure footed rablement of Herbagers and grassc 
Paulas champers (day nor night that shee can rest for filings 
**"*'"• and tampring aboute it), as also a swome brother of his 
that so bebangeth poore paper in laud of a bag-pudding, 
as a swizer would not belieue it Neither of their Decads 
are yet stampt, but care midsummer tearme they will 
be, if their wordes bee sure payment, and then tell me if 15 
our English sconses be not right Sheffield or no. 

The application of this whole catalogue of wast authours 
is no more but this, Quot capita tot sententixy so many 
heades so many whirlegigs ; and if all these haue Terlery- 
ginckt it so friuolously of they reckt not what, I may Cum ao 
gratia & priueligio pronounce it, that a red herring is 
wholesome in a frosty morning, and rake vp some fewe 
scattered sillables together in the exomation and pollishing 
of it. No more excursions and circumquaques but Totaliter 
ad appositum. 25 

That English marchandise is mo3t precious which no 
country can be without : if you aske Suffolke, Essex^ Kent^ 
SusseXy or Lemster^ or Cotswold^ what marchandise that 
E xv shoulde | bee, they will answere you it is the very same 
which Polidore Virgill cals Vere atireum vellusy the true 30 
golden fleece of our woU and English cloth, and nought 
else ; other engrating vpland cormorants will grunt out it 
is Grana paradisic our grain or corne, that is most sought 
aftd-. The Westerners and Northerners that it is lead, 

^ comemndatorie Q. 
a tumes Q, 10 champers, day Q. can[not] Gro, 2a wholse- 

tome Q. 25 ad] a Q, Cfv, : om, Sarl,^ HituL 39 be, c.w. 



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THE RED HERRING 179 

tinnc, and iron. Butter and cheese, butter and cheese, 
saith the farmer: but fro euery one of these I dissent 
and wil stoutely bide by it, that, to trowle in the cash 
throughout all nations of christendome, there is no fellowe 

5 to the red herring. The French, Spanish, and Italian haue 
wool inough of their owne wherof they make doth to serue 
their tume, though it be somewhat courser then ours. For 
come, none of the East parts but surpasseth vs ; of leade 
and tinne is the most scarsity in forraine dominions, and 

10 plenty with vs, though they are not vtterly barraine of them. 
As for iron, about Isenborough and other places of Germany 
they haue quadruple the store that wee haue. As touching 
butter and cheese, the Hollanders cry by your leaue wee 
must goe before you, and the Transalpiners with their 

ih lordly Parmasin (so named of the citty of Parma in Italy 
where it is first clout-crushed and made) shoulder in for the 
vpper hand as hotly ; when as, of our appropriate glory of 
the red herring, no region twixt the poles articke and 
antartick may, can, or will rebate from vs one scruple. 

90 On no coast like ours is it caught in such abundance, 
no where drest in his right cue but vnder our Horizon ; 
hosted, rosted, and tosted heere alone it is, and as well 
poudred and salted as any Duchman would desire. If 
you articulate with me of the gaine or profit of it, without 

^5 the which the newe fanglest raritie, that no body can boast 
of but our selues, after three dayes gazing is reuerst ouer 
to children for babies to play with; behold, it is euery 
mans money, from the King to the Courtier ; euery hous- 
holder or goodman Baltrop^ that keepes a family in pay, 

30 casts for it as one of his standing prouisions. The poorer 
sort make it three parts of there suste-|nance ; with it, for E a 
his dinnier, the patchedest Leather pUtche laboratho may 
dine like a Spanish Duke, when the niggardliest mouse of 
biefe will cost him sixpence. In the craft of catching or 

35 taking it, and smudging it Marchant and chapmanable as 

4 ofli^ar/.i', Hind, : [ofl Gro, i cm* Q, 31 nannce^.w. 32 Dinner 
Hariri Hind.,Gro, 



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i8o THE PRAYSE OF 

it should be, it sets a worke thousands, who liue all the rest 
of the yeare gayly well by what in some fewe weekes they 
scratch vp then, and come to beare office of Questman and 
Scauinger in the Parish where they dwell ; which they 
could neuer haue done, but would haue begd or starud 5 
with their wiues and brattes, had not this Captaine of the 
squamy cattell so stoode their good Lord and master: 
Carpenters, Shipwrights, makers of lines, roapes, and cables, 
dressers of Hempe, spinners of thred, and net weauers 
it giues their handfuls to, sets vp so many salt-houses to lo 
make salt, and salt vpon salt ; keepes in earnings the Cooper, 
the Brewer, the Baker, and numbers of other people, to 
gill, wash, and packe it, and carrie it and recarriS it. 

In exchange of it from other Countries they retume 
wine and Woades^ for which is alwaies paide ready Golde, 15 
with salt, Canuas, Vitre, and a great deale of good trash. 
Her Maiesties tributes and customes this Semper Augustus 
of the Seas finnie freeholders augmenteth & enlargeth 
vncountably, and to the encrease of Nauigation for her 
seruice hee is no enemie. 90 

Voiages of purchase or reprisals, which are now grown 
a common traffique, swallow vp and consume more Saylers 
and Marriners then they breede, and lightly not a slop 
of a ropehaler they send forth to the Queenes ships 
but hee is first broken to the Sea in the Herring mans «5 
SkifTe or Cock-boate, where hauing learned to brooke 
all waters, and drinke as he can out of a tarrie Canne, and 
eate poore lohn out of swuttie platters, when he may get it, 
without butter or mustard, there is no ho with him, but, 
once hartned thus, hee will needes be a man of warre, 3^ 
or a Tobacco taker, and weare a siluer Whistle. Some of 
£ 2^ these for their haughtie climbing | come home with 
woodden l^^es, and some with none, but leaue body and 
all behinde : those that escape to bring news tell of nothing 
but eating Tallow and yong black-amores, of Hue and fiue 3$ 

16 Vitre] Nitre Hark* conj\. Hind. 19 Nauigation, for Q : Naoiga- 

tioo : for Gro, 



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THE RED HERRING i8i 

to a Rat in euery messe, and the ship-boy to the tayle, of 
stopping their noses when they drunke stinking water that 
came out of the pumpe of the ship, and cutting a greasie 
buffe ierkin in tripes and broiling it for their dinners. 
5 Diuers Indian aduentures haue beene seasoned with direr 
mishaps, not hauing for eight dayes space the quantity of 
a candles-end among eight score to grease their lippes 
with ; and landing in the end to seeke food, by the canibal 
Sauages they haue bene drcumuented, and forced to yeeld 

xo their bodies to feed them. 

Our mitred Archpatriarch, Leopold herring, exacts no 
such * Muscouian vassailage of his linemen, though hee * That is 
put them to their trumps other while, and scuppets not his [o'iJ^™||[^ 
benificeDce into their mouthes with such freshwater owne exe- 

15 facility as M. Ascham in his Schoolemaster would imply. Sld^^'is 
His wordes are these in his censure vpon Varro: /T^^Princct 
enters not (sayth he) into any great depth of ^loquice^^^l^^^^ 
but as one carried in a snuUl low vessell by himself e very top of the 
nigh the common shore^ not much vnlike the fisher men thenw" 

ao of Hie, or herring men of Yarmouth, who deserue by throw him- 
common mens opinion small commendation for any cunning i^q|. 
sailing at all. Well, he was her Maiesties Schoolemaster, foL 63. 
and a .S. lohns man in Cambridge, in which house once P^* ^' 
I tooke vp my inne for seuen yere together lacking 

35 a quarter, and yet loue it still, for it is and euer was the 
sweetest nurse of knowledge in all that Vniuersity. 
Therefore I will keepe faire quarter with him, and expos- 
tulate the matter more tamely. Memorandum non ab uno, 
I vary not a minnum from him, that, in the captious 

30 mjrstery of Mounsieur herring, low vessels will not giue 
their heads for the washing, holding their owne pell-mell in 
all weathers as roughly as vaster timber men, though 
not so neere the shore as, through ignorance of the coast, 
he soundeth, nor one man by himselfe alone to | do euery £ 3 

35 thing, which is the opinion of one man by himselfe alone, 

16 are] Harh, Hind. : om, Q, (jr$. 18 as one] is now Oro. aS 

ad$mo Qf Gro, 34 doe c,w. 



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i8a THE PRAYSE OF 

and not beleeu'd of any other. Fiue to one, if he were 
aliue, I would beate against him, since one without fiue is 
as good as none, to gouerne the most ^shell shallop that 
floateth, and spread her nets, and draw them in. As stifly 
could I controuert it with him about pricking his card 5 
so badly in Cape Norfolke or Sini^s Yarmouthiensis and 
discrediting our countrymen for shorecreepers, like these 
Colchester oystermen, or whiting-mUngers and sprot- 
catchers. Solyman Herring, woulde you shoulde perswade 
your selues, is loftier minded and keepeth more aloofe lo 
then so ; and those that are his followers, if they will seeke 
him where hee is, more then common daunger they must 
incurre in close driuing vnder the sands which alternately ^ 
or betwixt times, when he is disposed to ensconse himselfe, 
are his entrenched Randevowe or castle of retiring ; and '5 
otherwhile fortie or threescoare leagues in the roaring 
territory they are glad on their, wodden horses to post 
after him, and scoure it with. their ethiope pitchbordes till 
they be windlesse in his quest and pursuing. Returning 
from waiting on him,haue with you to the Adriatique and ao 
abroade euery where far and neere to make port-sale 
of their perfumed smoaky commodities, and, that toyle 
rockt a sleepc, they are for Vltima Theule^ the north-seas, 
or Island^ and thence yerke ouer that worthy Pdllanude 
don pedro de linge^ and his worshipfull nephew Hugo^% 
Habberdine, and a trundle-taile tike orshaugh or two ; and 
towardes Michelmas scud home to catch Hei;ring againe. 
This argues they shoulde haue some experience of nauiga- 
tion, and are not such Halcyons to builde their neastes all 
on the shoare as M. Ascam supposeth. 30 

Rie is one of the antient townes belonging to the cinque 
ports, yet limpeth cinque ace behinde Yarmouth, and it wil 
sincke when Yarmouth riseth, and yet, if it were put in the 
ballance against Yarmouth, it woulde rise when Yarmouth 
sincketh, and to stand threshing no longer about it, Rie is^ 

7 these] those Gro. 9 Herring, I would HarL, Hind. 15 

entrenehed Q, 33 northseas Q, 



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THE RED HERRING 183 

Ry I and no more but Rie, and Yarmouth wheate com- E 3^ 
pared with it Wherefore, had he bene a right clarke of 
the market, he would haue set a higher price on the one 
then the other, and set that one of highest price aboue the 
5 other. 

Those that deserue by common mens opinion small 
commendation for any cunning sailing at all are not 
the Yarmouthers, how euer there is a foule fault in the 
print escapt, that curstly squinteth and leereth that way, 

10 but the bonnie Northren cobbles of his countrey, with 
their Indian canaos or boats like great beefe trayes or 
kneading troughs, firking as flight swift thorow the glassy 
fieldes of Thetis as if it were the land of yce, and sliding 
ouer the boiling desert so earely, and foeuer bruise one 

15 bubble of it, as though they contended to out-strip the 
l^ht-foot tripper in the Metamorphisis^yflio would run ouer 
the ripe-bending eares of come, and neuer shed or perish 
one Idmell. No such yron-fisted Ciclops to hew it out 
of the flint and runne thorow any thing as these frost- 

ao bitten crab-tree fac't lads, spunne out of the hards of 
the towe, which are Donsel herrings lackeys at Yarmouth 
euery fishing. 

Let the carreeringest billow confesse and absolue it selfe, 
before it pricke vp his bristles s^ainst them, for, if it come 

35 vpon his dancing horse, and ofler to tilt it with them, they 
will aske no trustier lances then their oares to beat out the 
brains of it and stop his throat from belching. 

These rubbes remooued, on with our game as fast as wee 
may, & to the gaine of the red herring againe another 

30 crash. Item^ if it were not for this Huniades of the liquid 

- element, that word Quadragesima^ or Lent, might be 

cleane spung'd out of the Kalender, with Rogation weeks. 

Saints eues, and the whole Ragmans roule of fasting dayes, 

and Fishmongers might keepe Christmasse all the yeere 

35 for any ouerlauish takings they should haue of clownes 
and clouted shoes, and the rubbish menialty, their best 
customers; and their bloudy aduersaries, the butchers, 



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i84 THE PRAYSE OF 

t 

£ 4 would neuer leaue clea-|uing it out in the whole chines, till 
they had got a Lord Maior of their company as well 
as they. Nay, out of their wits they would be haunted 
with continuall takings, & stand crosse-gag'd with kniues in 
their mouthes from one Shroft-tuisday to another, and 5 
weare candles-endes in their hattes at midsommer, hauing 
no time to shaue their prickes or washe their flyeblowne 
aprons, \l Domingo Rufus ot Sacrapant herring caused not 
the dice to runne contrary. 

The Rhomish rotten Pithagoreans or Carthusian friers, 10 
that mumpe on nothing but fishe, in what a fl^rmatique 
predicament would they be, did not this counterpoyson of 
the spitting sickenesse (sixtiefolde more restoratiue then 
Bezer) patch them out and preserue them ; which, being 
dubble rosted and dryde as it is, not onely sucks vp all 15 
rhewmatique inundations, but is a shooing-home for a 
pinte of wine ouer-plus. 

The sweete smacke that Yarmouth findes in it, and how 
it hath made it Lippitudo Atticx (as it was saide of jEgina^ 
her neere adiacent comfronter), the blemish and staine of to 
all her salt-water sisters in England, and multiplide it from 
a moul-hill of sand to a cloude-crowned mount Teneriffe^ 
abbreuiatly and meetely according to my old Sarum 
plaine song I haue harpt vpon, and that, if there were no 
other certificat or instance of the inlinked consangruinitie as 
twixt him and Lady Lucar, is Instar mille^ worth a million 
of witnesses, to exempliiie the ritches of him. The Poets 
were triuiall, that set vp Helens face for such a top-gallant 
Summer May-pole for men to gaze at, and strouted it out 
so in their buskind braues of her beautie, whereof the onely 30 
Circes Heypasse and Repasse was that it drewe a thousand 
ships to Troy^ to fetch her backe with a pestilence. Wvs/t 
men in Greece in the meane while to swagger so aboute 
a whore. 

Eloquums hoarie beard father Nestor^ you were one of 35 
them, and you, M. Vlisses^ the prudent dwarfe of Pallas, 

35 connngninltie {hroktn 1) Q. 



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THE RED HERRING 185 

another, of whome it is lUiadizd that yoxxx very nose dropt 
su-|gar candie, and that your spittle was honye. Natalis £ 4V 
Comes^ if he were aboue ground, would be swome vpon it. 
As loude a ringing miracle as the attractiue melting eye of Li olde 
5 that strupet can we supply the with of our dappert Pietnont ^ ^ 
Hiddrick Herrings whidi draweth more barkes to Yarmouth wring out 
bay, then her beautie did to Tray. O, he is attended vpon ^i^^, 
most Babilonically^ and Xerxes so ouercloyd not the HeUe^ 
spent with his foystes, gallies, and brigandines, as he 

ro mantleth the narrow seas with his retinue, being not much 
behinde, in the check-roule of his lanissaries and contribu* 
tories, with Eagle«oaring BuUingbrooke^ that at his remouing 
of houshold into banishment (as father Froysard threapes 
vs downe) was accompanied with 40000. men, women, and 

15 children weeping, from London to the landes end at Doner. 
A colony of criticall Zenos^ should they sinnow their sillo- 
gisticall cluster-fistes in one bundle to confute and disproue 
mouing, were they, but during the time they might lap vp 
a messe of buttred fish, in Yarmouth one fishing, such 

ao a violent motion of toyling Mirmidons they should be 
spectators of and a confused stirring to and fro of a Lepan^ The sea 
talike hoast of vnfatigable flud bickerers and foame-curbers, Jj^^i** 
that they woulde not moue or stir one foote till they had fon^t in 
disclaimd and abiurd then* bcdred spittle-positids. Itt^*^*'^!^ 

25 verament and sincerity, I neuer crouded through this con- Mdestiet 
fluent herring faire, but it put me in memory of the great '•^*- 
yeare of lubile in Edward the thirds time, in which it is 
sealed and deliuered vnder the handes of a publique notary, 
three himdred thousand people romed to Rome for purga- 

0o torie pils and paternal veniall benedictions, and the waies 
beyond sea were so bungd vp with your dayly oratours or 
Beads-men and your crutchet or croutchant friers or crosse- 
creepers and barefoote penitentiaries, that a snaile coulde 
not wriggle in her homes betwixt them. Small thinges we 

35 may expresse by great, and great by smal, though the 

14 40000, men Q, Gro. wemen Q. 18 they bat during Q, 

Gro : thej bat, daring HaH.^ Hind^ ai Lap(mtal%k$ Q, Gro, 



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i86 THE PRAYSE OF 

greatnesse of the redde herring be not small (as small 
a hoppe on my thumbe as hee seemeth). It is with him 
F I as with great per-|sonages, which from their high estate and 
not their high statures propagate the eleuaute titles of their 
Gogmagognes. Cast his state who will, and they shall finde 5 
it to be very high coloured (as high coloured as his com- 
plexion, if I saide, there were not a pimple to be abated). 
In Yarmouth he hath set vp his state house, where one 
quarter of a yearehe keepes open court for lewes and gentiles. 

♦ The fet- To fetch him in, in * Troian Equipage, some of euery 10 
^J^^^^of the Christ-crosse Alphabet of outlandish Cosmopoli 
Troyfetchtfurrowe vp the ru^ed brine, and sweepe through his 
sucT*^ tumultuous oous, will or nill hee, rather then in tendring 
pompe. their alleagance they should be benighted with tardity. 

For our English Mikrokosmos or Phenician Didos hide of 15 
grounde, no shire, county, count palatine, or quarter of it, 
but rigs out some oken squadron or other to waft him along 

♦ Cleopa- * Cleopatrxan * Olimplickly^ and not the dimunutiuest nooke 
o^MiyUng or crcuise of them but is parturiSt of the like superofBci- 

to mcete ousnes, * arming forth though it be but a catch or pinck, ao 

^^°°^* no capabler then a rundlet or washing bowle to impe the 

soicmne wings of his conuoy. Holy 5. Taurbard, in what droues 

brii^g the gouty bagd Londoners hurry down and die the watchet 

champions aire of an yron russet hue with the dust that they raise in 

at Ohm- hot spurd rowelling it on to performe coplementes vnto 35 

*'Ttifnrfnir ^^°^* ^^^ becke more to the balies of the cinque portes, 

forth by whome I wcTC a ruder Barbarian then Smill, the Prince 

oaiST^ of the Crims & Nagayans, if in this actio I should forget 

annes. (hauing had good cheare at their tables more then once or 

twice whiles I loytred in this paragdlesse fish town). 30 

Citty, towne, cuntry, Robin hoode and little lohn, and who 

not, are industrious and carefull to squire and safe conduct 

him in, but in vshering him in, next to the balies of 

Yarmoth, they trot before all, and play the prouost 

* r. Tugging Q. 
I small as Q. a seemeth) It Q, 4-5 the Gogmagognes Gro, 7-8 

abated) In Q. 18 diminntiyest HarlS 30-1 town) Citty 0» Gro* 



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THE RED HERRING 187 

marshals, helping to keep good rule the first three weeks 
of his ingresse, and neuer leaue roaring it out with their 
brasen home as long as they stay, of the freedomes and 
immunities soursing frd him. Beeing thus entred or 
5 brought in, the consistorians or setled | standers of Yar- F i^ 
mouth commense intestine warres amongst themselues who 
should giue him the largest hospitality, and gather about 
him as flocking to hansell him and strike him good luck as 
the Sweetkin Madams did about valiSt 5. Walter Manny ^ 

10 the martiall tutor vnto the Blacke prince (he that built 
Charterhouse), who being vpon the point of a hazzardous 
ioumey into France, either to win the horse or lose the 
saddle (as it runs in the Prouerb)^ & taking his leaue at 
Court in a sute of male frd top to toe, all the ladies clung 

15 about him, and would not let him stretch out a step, till 
they had enfettred him with their variable fauours, and 
embroidred ouer his armour like a gaudy Summer meade, 
with their scarfes, bracelets, chains, ouches: in generous 
reguerdoment wherof he sacramentally obliged himselfe, 

ao that, had the French king as many giants in his countrey 
as hee hath peares or g^pes, and they stood all enranged 
on the shore to interdict his disimbarking, through the 
thickest thomie quickset of th€ he would pierce, or be tost 
vp to heauen on their speares, but, in honour of those 

35 debonaire Idalian nimphs and their spangled trappings, he 
would be the first man should set foot in his kingdome, or 
vnsheath Steele against him. As he promised so was his 
* manly blades execution, and, in emulation of him, whole « Mumr 
beards of knights and gentlemen clos'd vp their right eyes y*^ ^^" 

30 with a piece of silke euery one, & vowed neuer to vncouer him. I take 
them or let thS see light, til, in the aduancement of their J^^j^ ^^ 
mistresse beauties, they had enacted with their brandisht Kent are 
bilbowblades some chiualrous BeUeraphons trick at armes, 
that from Salomons Hands to S. Magnus comer might cry 

35 clang againe. O, it was a braue age then, and so it is euer, 

5 ftanderds r.fcr. : standards Gro, o Madans g, ffarl\ Gro. i8 

thor] Harl} coHJ,^ Hind, : three Q^ HarlS*^ Gro, 19 reguerdoment Q. 



descended. 



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i88 THE PRAYSE OF 

where there are offensiue wars, and not defensiue, & men 
fight for the spoile, and not in feare to be spoiled, & are as 
lions seeking out their pray, and not as sheepe that lie still 
whiles they are prayd on. The redde herring is a legate of 
peace, and so abhorrent from vnnatural bloudshed that if, in 5 
his quarrell or bandying who should harbing him, there be | 
F 2 any hewing or slashing, or triab of life & death, there where 
that hang-man embowelling is, his pursuiuants or balies 
retume mm est inuent$is^ out of one bailiwick he is fled, 
neuer to be fastened on there more. The Scotish lockies 10 
or Redshanks (so sumamed of their immoderate raunching 
vp the red shanks or red herrings) vpholde & make good 
the same. Their clacke or gabbling to this purport : How^ 
in diebus illis^ when Robert de BreauXy their gud king^ sent 
his deare heart to the holy land, for reason he caud not gang 15 
thider himself e^ {or then or thereabout^ or whilome before^ or 
whilome after y it matters not^ they had the Steele or fruits of 
theherringin their road or channell^ till a foule ill feud arose 
amongst his sectaries and seruitourSy and there was mickle 
tuUy and a blacke warldy and a deale ofwhinyards drawne 20 
about him, and many sacklesse wights and praty bames run 
through the tender weambs, andfra thence ne sorry taile of 
a herring in thilke sound they caud gripe. This language or 
parley haue I vsurpt from some of the deftest lads in all 
Edenborough towne, which it will be no impeachment for 25 
the wisest to tume loose for a trueth, without any diffident 
wrastling with it The sumpathy thereunto in our owne 
frothy streames we haue tooke napping ; wherfore, without 
any further bolstring or backing, this Scotish history may 
beare palme ; & if any further bolstring or backing be 30 
required, it is euident by the confession of the sixe hundred 
Scotish witches executed in Scotland at Bartelmewtide was 
twelue-moncth, that in Yarmouth road they were all 
together in a plumpe on Christmasse eue was two yere, 
when the great floud was, & there stird vp such temados & 35 
furicanos of tempests, in enuy (as I collect) that the staple 

8 btlier Q. 22 tbrougk Q. 



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THE RED HERRING i«9 

of the herring from them was translated to Yarmouth, as 
will be spoke of there whiles any winds or stormes & 
tempests chafe & puffe in the lower region. They and all 
the seafaring townes vnder our temperate zone of peace 

5 may well enuy her prosperity, but they cannot march 
cheeke by iowle with her or coequall her, and ther's no such 
manifest signe of great prosperity as a | generall enuy f a"" 
encompassing it. Kings, noble-men, it cleaues vnto, that 
walke vprighty and are any thing happy ; & euen amongst 

xo meane artificers it thrusts in his foot, one of thS enuying 
another if he haue a knack aboue another, or his gains be 
greater, and, if in his arte they cannot disgrace him, they 
will finde a starting hole in his life that shall confound him : 
for example : There is *a mathematicall Smith or artificer * lohn 

15 in Yarmouth that hath made a locke and key that weighes Th*"^^* 
but three farthings, and a chest with a paire of knit gloues 
in the till of it, whose whole poise is no more but a groat ; 
now I do not thinke but all the Smiths in London, Norwich, 
or Yorke (if they heard of him) would enuy him, if they 

ao could not outworke him. Hydra herring will haue euery 

thing * Sybarite dainty, where he lays knife aboord, or he ♦ iTie Sy- 
wil fly them, he wil not looke vpon them. Stately borne, ^^ 
stately sprung he is, the best bloud of the Ptolomies no wouide 
statelier, and with what state he hath bene vsed from his ^IJ^qc^^ 

S5 swadling clouts I haue reiterated vnto you, and, which is ^<3er a 
a note aboue ela^ stately Hyperion or the lordly sonne, the ^ne£s 
most rutilant planet of the seu§, in Lent when Heralius waming. 
herring enters into his chiefe reig^ and scepterdome, 
skippeth and danseth the goats iumpe on the earth for ioy 

JO of his entrance. Do but marke him on your walles any 
morning at that season, how he sallies & laualtos, and you wil 
say I am no fabler. Of so eye bewitching a deaurate ruddie 
dy is the skincoat of this Lant^^ue, that happy is that 
nobleman who for his colours in armory can neerest imitate 

35 his chimicall temper ; nay, which is more, if a man should 
tell you that god Himens saffron coloured robe were made 
8 Kings and noblemen Harl.^ Hind. 99 danoeth, the HmdL^ Gro. 



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I90 THE PRAYSE OF 

of nothing but red herrings skins, you would hardly bdeeue 
him : such is the obduracy & hardnesse of heart of a number 
of infidels in these dayes, they will teare herrings out of 
their skins as fast as one of these Exchequer tellers can 
tume ouer a heape of money, but his vertues, both exterior 5 
and interior, they haue no more taste of then of a dish of 
stockfish. Somewhere I haue snatcht vp a ieast of a king 
F 3 that was desirous to | try what Idnde of flesh-meat was most 
nutritiue prosperous vritii a mans body, and to that purpose 
he commanded foure hungry fellowes in foure separate xo 
roomes by themselues to bee shut vp for a yeare and a day, 
whereof the first shoulde haue his gut bumbasted with biefe 
and nothing else, till hee cride hold, belly, holde, and so the 
second to haue his paunch cramd with porke, the third with 
mutton, & the fourth with veale. At the tweluemonths 15 
ende they were brought before him, & he enquired of euery 
one orderly what he had eate. Therewith out stept the 
stallfed foreman that had bin at host with the fat oxe, and 
was growne as fat as an oxe with tiring on the surloynes, 
and baft in his face Biefe, Biefe, Biefe. Next the Norfolke 20 
hog or the swine-wurrier, who had got him a sagging paire 
of cheeks like a sows paps that giues suck, with the plenty- 
full mast set before him, came lazily wadling in, and puft 
out Porke, Porke, Porke. Then the sly shcepe-biter issued 
into the midst, and summer setted & fliptflapt it twenty 35 
times aboue ground, as light as a feather, and cride mitton, 
mitton, mitton : last the Essex calfe or lagman, who had 
lost the calues of his legs with gnawing on the horsl^s, 
shudring and quaking, limpte after, with a visage as pale as 
a peece of white leather, and a staffe in his hande and 30 
a kirchiefe on his head, and very lamentably vociferated 
veale, veale, veale. A witty toy of his noble grace it was, 
and different from the recipes and prescriptions of our 
modeme phisitions, that to any sicke languishers, if they 
be able to waggle their chaps, propound veale for one of 35 
the highest nourishers. 

3 will Q. 17 outstept Q. aa-3 plentyfiill Q, 



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THE RED HERRING 191 

But had his principalitie gone thorough with fish as well 
as flesh, and put a man to liuery with the red herring but as 
long, he would haue come in * Hurrey^ Hurrey^ Hurrey^ * As much 
as if he were harrying and chasing his enemies, & Beuis of Vrr^,** 
5 Hampton, after he had bene out of his diet, should not Vncy, 
haue bene able to haue stood before him. A choUerickeonTofthe 
parcell of food it is, that who so ties himselfe to racke and principall 
manger to for fine summers and fine winters, he shall beget where the 
a child that will be a souldiour and a commaunder before i^e™« « 

CADf ut 

10 hee hath cast his first | teeth, & an Alexander y a lulius p ^ 
Cxsar^ a Scanderbeg^ a Barbarossa he will proue ere he 
aspire to thirtie. 

But to thinke on a red Herring, such a hot stirring meate 
it is, is enough to make the crauenest dastard proclaime 

15 fire and sword against Spaine. The most intenerate 
Virgine wax phisnomy, that taints his throate with the 
least ribbe of it, it will embrawne and Iron crust his flesh, 
and harden his soft bleding vaines as stifle and robustious 
as branches of Corrall. The art of kindling of fires that is 

30 practised in the smoking or parching of him is old dog 
against the plague. Too foule-mouthed I am to becoUow 
or becollier him with such chimnie sweeping attributes of 
smoking and parching. Wil you haue the secrete of it ? 
this well meaning Pater patriae, & prouiditore and 

as supporter of Yarmouth (which is the locke and key of 
Norfolke), looking pale and sea-sicke at his first landing, those 
that be his stewards or necessariest men about him, whirle 
him in a thought out of the raw colde ayre, to some stew 
or hot house, where immuring himselfe for three or foure 

30 dayes, when he vn-houseth him, or hath cast ofl* his shel, 
he is as freckled -about the gils, & lookes as red as a Fox, 
dumme & is more surly to be spoken with then euer he 
was before, and, like Lais of Corinth, will smile vpon no 
man except he may haue his owne asking. There are 

1 1 Scanderbega Barbarossa Q, Harl}, Gro, : Scandtrbeg Barbarossa Harl^ ' : 
Scanderbeg or a Barbarossa ^tW. aa becoUier, him Q. 31-a Fox, 

clammy HarU^^ : fox, clammy Hind, : Fox dumme Gro. 



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19^ THE PRAYSE OF 

that number of Herrings vented out of Yarmouth cuery 
yeare (though the Grammarians make no plurall number 
of Haiec) as not onely they are more by two thousand 
Last then our owne land can spend, but they fil all other 
lands, to whome at their owne prises they sell them ; and 5 
happie is he that can first lay hold of them. And how 
can it bee otherwise? for if Cornish Pilchards, otherwise 
called Fumados, taken on the shore of G>mewall from luly 
to Nouember, bee so saleable as they are in Fraunce, 
Spaine, and Italy, (which are but counterfets to the red w 
Herring, as Copper to Golde, or Ockamie to siluer,) much 
more there elbows itch for ioy, when they meete with the 
true Golde, the true red Herring it selfe. No true flying 
fish but he, or if there be, that fish neuer flies but when | 
F 4 his wings are wet, and the red Herring flyes best when 15 
his wings are dry: throughout Belgia, high Germanic, 
Fraunce, Spaine, and Italy hee flyes, and vp into Greece 
and Africa, South and Southwest, Estritch-like, walkes his 
stations, and the Sepulcher Palmers or Pilgrims, because 
hee is so portable, fill their Scrips with them, yea, no to 
dispraise to the bloud of the Ottafftans^ the Nabuchedanesor 
of Constantinople and Giantly AnUeus^ that neuer yawneth 
nor neezeth but he afTrighteth the whole earth, gormandiz- 
ing, muncheth him vp for imperiall dainties, and will not 
spare his Idol Mahomet 2l bit with him, no, not though it 15 
would fetch him from heauen fortie yeares before his time ; 
whence, with his Doue that he taught to pecke Barley out 
of his eare, and brought his Disdples into a fooles paradise 
that it was the holy ghost in her similitude, he is expected 
euery minute to discend ; but I am afiraid, as he was lo 
troubled with the falling sicknesse in his life time, in selfe 
manner it tooke him in his mounting vp to heauen, & ao 
ai inferno nulla redemption he is falne backward into hell 
and they are neuer more like to heare of him. Whiles I 
am shufHing and cutting with these long coated Turkes, 35 

10 countefets Q, 11 sUaer, much Q, 18 Africa Soath, and Q, 

Gro. 19 Sq>ttlcher, Palmeis Q : SeptOcber: Palmers GtP* 



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THE RED HERRING 193 

would any antiquaiie would explicate vnto meethis remblere 
or quidditie, whether those Turbanto groutheads, that hang Turbuito, 
all men by the throates on Iron hookes, euen as our Toers ^^^^ 
hang all tiliere Herrings by the throates on wodden spits, rotde 

5 first leamd it of our Herring men, or our herringmen of^^** 
them. Why the Alcheronship of that Belzabub of Saracens , abonte 
Rhinoceros Zelim aforesaid, should so much delight in this**^*"**^ 
shinie animall, I cannot gesse, except hee had a desire to 
imitate Midas in eating of gold, or Dionisius in stripping of 

>® lupiter out of his golden Coate ; and, to shoote my fooles 
bolt amongst 3rou, that fable of Midas eating gold had no 
other shadow or inclusiue pith in it, but he was of a queasie 
stomacke, and nothing hee coulde fancie but this newe found 
guilded fish, '^iYixStiBcicchus at his request gaue him, (though 

16 it were not knowne here two thousand yeare | after, for it F 4^ 
was the delicates of the gods, & no mortall foode til of late 
yeares.) Midas^ vnexperienst of the nature of it, (for he 
was a foole that had asses eares,} snapt it vp at one blow, 
& because, in the boyling or seathing of it in his maw, he 

so felt it commotion a little and vpbraide him, he thought he 
had eaten golde in deede, and thereupon directed his 
Orizons to Bacclms afresh, to heipe it out of his crop againe, 
and haue mercy vpon him and recouerhim : hee, propensiue 
inclining to Midas deuotion in euery thing, in lieu of the 

H friendly hospitalities drunken Silenus^ his companion, found 
at his hands when he strayed from him, bad him but goe 
wash himselfe in the riuer Pactolus^ that is, goe wash it 
downe soundly with flowing cups of Wine, and he should 
be as well as euer hee was. By the turning of the riuer 

30 Pactolus into golde, after he had renc't and clarified him- 
selfe in it, (which is the close of the fiction,) is signified 
that, in r^[ard of that blessed operation of the iuice of the 
grape in him, from that day forth in nothing but golden 
cups he would drinke or quafTe it, whereas in wodden 

^ lawne] lawne Q, we[a]re Gro. 

17 yeares) Mida$ Q, Gro. $o ren'ct Q, Grn. 

ni O 



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194 THE PRAYSE OF 

Mazers,and Agathocles earthen stuffe,they trillild it off* before, 
and that was the first time that any golden cups wer vsed. 

Follow this tract in expounding the tale of Dtonisius and 
lupiter^ and you cannot goe amisse. No such lupiter^ no 
such golden coated image was there ; but it was a plaine 5 
golden coated red herring, without welt or garde, whome, 
for the strangenes of it, they (hauing neuer beheld a beast 
of that hue before) in their temples inshrined for a God, 
and insomuch as lupiter had shewed thS such slippery 
pranckes more then once or twise, in shifting himselfe 10 
into sundry shapes, and rayning himselfe downe in golde 
into a womans lappe, they thought this too might be 
a tricke of youth in him, to alter himselfe into the forme of 
this golden Scali-ger^ or red herring. And therefore, as 
to lupiter^ they fell downe on their .marybones, & lift vp 15 
their hay-cromes vnto him. Now king Dtonisius being 
a good wise-fellow, for he was afterwards a schoolemaster 
G I & had plaid the coatchman to Plato & spit in | Aristippus 
the Philosophers face many a time and oft, no sooner 
entred their tfifple, & saw him sit vnder his Canopie so ao 
budgdy, with a whole Goldsmiths stall of iewelles and rich 
oflferings at his feete, but to him he stept, and pluckt him 
from his state with a wennion, then drawing out his knife 
most iracundiously, at one whiske lopt off his head, and 
stript him out of his golden demy or mandillion, and flead 25 
him, and thrust him downe his pudding house at a gobbe : 
yet long it prospered not with him, (so reuengefuU a iust 
lupiter is the red Herring,) for as he tare him from his 
throne, and vncased him of his habiliments, so, in smal 
deuolution of yeres, from his throne was he chaced, and 30 
cleane stript out of his royalty, & glad to go play the 
Schoolemaister at Corinth, and take a rodde in his hand 
for his scepter, and horne-booke Pigmeis for his subiects, 
idest^ (as I intimated some dozen lines before,) of a tyrant 
to become a frowning pedant or schoolemaister. 35 

7 it (they haoing Q, Harl,^ Hind,, Gro, 9 in somnch Q, 13 rricke Q, 
x6 King Gro, 18 Aiistippns Q; ArisHp'CW, 21 bndgedlyo. 



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THE RED HERRING 195 

Many of you haue read these stories, and coulde neuer 
picke out any such English ; no more woulde you of the 
Ismael Persians Haly, or Mortus AUi^ they worship, whose 
true etimologie is, mortuum halec, a dead red herring, and 

5 no other, though, by corruption of speech, they false dialect 
and misse-sound it. Let any Persian oppugne this, and, in 
spite of his hairie tuft or loue-locke he leaues on the top 
of his crowne, to be pulld vp or pullied vp to heauen by. He 
set my foot to his, & fight it out witii him, that their 

10 fopperly god is not so good as a red Herring. To recount 
ab ouOy or from the church-booke of his birth, howe the 
Herring first came to be a fish, and then how he came to 
be king of fishes, and gradationately how from white to 
red he changed, would require as massie a toombe as 

15 HoUinshead ; but in halfe a penniworth of paper I | will G i'' 
epitomize them. Let me see, hath any bodie in Yarmouth 
heard of Leander and Hero, of whome diuine Musxus sung, 
and a diuiner Muse than him. Kit Marlow ? 
Twoo faithfull louers they were, as euerie apprentise in 

30 Paules church}^rd will tell you for your loue, and sel you for 
your mony : tihe one dwelt at Abidos in Asia, which was 
Leander ; the other, which was Hero, his Mistris or Delia, 
at Sestos in Europe, and she was a pretty pinckany and 
Venus priest ; and but an arme of the sea diuided them : 

H it diuided them and it diuided them not, for ouer that arme 
of the sea could be made a long arme. In their parents 
the most diuision rested, and their townes that like Yar- 
mouth and Leystoffe were stil at wrig wrag, & suckt frd 
their mothers teates serpentine hatred one against each 

30 other. Which droue Leander when he durst not deale 
aboue boord, or be scene aboorde any ship, to saile to his 
Lady deare, to play the didopper and ducking water 
spaniel to swim to her, nor that in the day, but by owle- 
light. 

35 What will not blinde night doe for blinde Cupid? and 
what will not blinde Cupid doe in the night, which is his 
13 gradiooately Q^ Harl} 15 wil c,w, 

0% 



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196 THE PRAYSE OF 

blindmans holiday? By the sea side on the other side 
stoode Heroes tower, such an other tower as one of our 
Irish castles, that is not so wide as a belfree, and a Cobler 
cannot iert out his elbowes in; a cage or pigeonhouse, 
romthsome enough to comprehend her and the toothlesse 5 
trotte, her nurse, who was her onely chatmate and chamber- 
maide ; consultiuely by her parents being so encloistred fro 
resort, that she might liue chaste vestall Priest to Venus, 
the queene of vnchastitie. Shee would none of that, she 
thanked them, for shee was better prouided, and that which lo 
they thought serued their turn best of sequestring her | 
G * from company, serued her tume best to embrace the com- 
pany she desired. Fate is a spaniel that you caqnot beate 
from you ; the more you thinke to crosse it, tjbc more you 
blesse it and further it. "^ - '5 

Neither her father nor mother vowed chastitie when she 
was b^ote, therefore she thought they begat her not to 
liue chaste, & either she must proue hir selfe a bastard, or 
shew herselfe like them. Of Leander you may write vpon, 
and it is written vpon, she likte well, and for all he was ao 
a naked man, and deane dispoyled to the skinne, when 
hee sprawled through the brackish suddes to scale her 
tower, all the strength of it could not hold him out. O, 
ware a naked man ; Cithereaes Nunnes haue no power to 
resiste him : and some such qualitie is ascribed to the lion. >5 
Were hee neuer so naked when he came to her, bicause 
he shuld not skare her, she found a meanes to couer him 
in her bed, &, for he might not take cold after his swimming, 
she lay close by him, to keepe him warme. This scuffling 
or bopeepe in the darke they had a while without weame dft 
or bracke, and the olde nurse (as there bee three things 
seldome in their right kinde till they bee old, a bawd, a 
witch, and a midwife) executed the huckstring office of her 
yeres very charily & circumspectly til their sliding starres 
reuolted from them ; and then, for seauen dayes togither, S5 
the winde and the Hellespont contended which shuld 
howle lowder ; the wanes dashed vp to the cloudes, and 



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THE RED HERRING 197 

the clouds on the other side spit and driueld vpon them 
as fast. 

Hero wept as trickling as the heauens, to thinke that 
heauen should so diuorce them. Leander stormed worse 
5 than the stormes, that by them hee should be so restrained 
from his Cinthya. At Sestos was his soule, and hee coulde 
not abide to tarry in Abidos. Rayne, snowe, haile, or 
blowe it howeit could, | into thepitchie Helespont he leapt, G a"" 
when the moone and all her torch-bearers were afraide to 

lopeepe out their heads; but he was peppered for it» hee 
hadde as good haue tooke meate, drinke, and leisure, for the 
churlish frampold wanes gaue him his belly full of fish- 
broath, ere out of their laundry or washe-house they woulde 
graunt him his coquet or transire^ and not onely that, but 

15 they sealde him his quietus est for curuetting any more to 
the mayden tower, and tossed his dead carcasse, well 
bathed or parboyled, to the sandy threshold of his leman 
or orenge, for a disiune or morning breakfast All that 
line long night could she not sleepe, she was so troubled 

to with the rheume ; which was a signe she should heare of 
some drowning: Yet towards cocke-crowing she caught a 
little slumber, and then shee dreamed that Leander and 
shee were playing at checkestone with pearles in the 
bottome of the sea. 

as You may see dreames are not so vaine as they are 
preached of, though not in vaine Preachers inueigh 
against them, and bende themsdues out of the peoples 
mindes to exhale their foolish superstition. The rheume 
is the students disease, and who study most, dreame most 

30 The labouring mens hands glowe and blister after their 
dayes worke : the glowing and blistring of our braines 
after our day labouring cc^tations are dreames, and those 
dreames are reaking vapours of no impression, if our mate- 
lesse cowches bee not haUe empty. Hero hoped, and 

55 therefore shee dreamed (as all hope is but a dreame) ; her 
hope was where her heart was, and her heart winding and 
33 our] your Harl}*^ Hind. 35 dreame) her Q, 



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198 THE PRAYSE OF 

turning with the winde, that might winde her heart of golde 
to her, or else turne him from her. Hope and feare both 
combatted in her, and both these are wakeful!, which made 
G 3 her at breake of day (what an | old crone is the day, that 
is so long a breaking) to vnloope her luket or casement, to 5 
looke whence the blasts came, or what gate or pace the sea 
kept ; when foorthwith her eyes bred her eye-sore, the first 
white whereon their transpiercing arrowes stuck being the 
breathlesse corps of Leander : with the sodaine contempla- 
tion of this piteous spectacle of her loue, sodden to had- 10 
docks meate, her sorrowe could not choose but be indefinite, 
if her delight in him were but indifferent ; and there is no 
woman but delights in sorrow, or she would not vse it so 
lightly for euery thing. 

Downe shee ramie in her loose night-gowne, and her 15 
haire about her eares (euen as Semiramis ranne out with 
her lie-pot in her hand, and her blacke dangling tresses 
about her shoulders with her iuory combe ensnarled in 
them, when she heard that Babilon was taken), and thought 
to haue kist his dead corse aliue againe, but as on his blew <o 
iellied sturgeon lips she was about to clappe one of those 
warme plaisters, boystrous woolpacks of ridged tides came 
rowling in, and raught him from her, (with a minde belike 
to Carrie him backe to Abides) At that she became a 
franticke Bacchanal outright, & made no more bones but as 
sprSlg after him, and so resignd vp her Priesthood, and left 
worke for Musxus and Kit Marlowe. The gods, and gods 
and goddesses all on a rowe, bread and crow, from Ops to 
Pomona^ the first applewife, were so dumpt with this 
miserable wracke, that they beganne to abhorre al moy- 30 
sture for the seas sake : and lupiter could not endure 
Ganimedy his cup-bearer, to come in his presence, both for 
the dislike he bore to Neptunes baneful licour, as also that 
hee was so like to Leander. The sunne was so in his 
mumps vppon it, that it was almost noone before hee could 35 

4 olde c,w. 8 stack] ttrnck Gro. 27 and gods] <m. Harl^ HinJL 

a8 rowe bread Q, Gro. 



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THE RED HERRING 199 

goe to cart that day, and then with so ill a will hee went, 
that hee had | thought to haue topled his burning carre or G z"' 
Hurrie currie into the sea (as Phaeton did) to scorch it and 
dry it vppe, and at night, when hee was b^^med with dust 
5 and sweate of his iourney, he would not descend as hee 
was woont, to wash him in the Ocean, but vnder a tree 
layde him downe to rest in his cloathes all night, and so 
did the scouling Moone vnder another fast by him, which 
of that are behighted the trees of the Sunne and Moone, 

10 and are the same that Syr lohn Mandeuile tels vs hee 
spoke with, and that spoke to Alexander. Venus^ for Hero 
was her priest, and luno Lucina^ the midwifes goddesse, for 
she was now quickned, and cast away by the cruelty of 
jEolus^ tooke bread and salt and eate it, that they would 

15 bee smartlie reuenged on that^ truculent windy iailour, and 
they forgot it not, for Venus made his sonne and his 
daughter to committe* incest tc^ether. Lucina^ that there 
might bee some lasting characters of his shame, helpt to 
bring her to bedde of a goodly boy, and ^olus boulting 

ao out al this, heapt murder vppon murder. 

The dint of destiny could not be repeald in the reuiuing 
of Hero & Liander^ but their heauenly hoods in theyr 
synode thus decreede, that, for they were either of them 
seaborderers and drowned in the sea, stil to the sea they 

35 must belong, and bee diuided in habitation after death, as 
they were in their life time. Leander^ for that in a cold 
darke testie night he had his pasport to Charon^ they 
terminated to the vnquiet cold coast of Iseland, where 
halfe the yeare is nothing but murke night, and to that 

30 fish translated him which of vs is termed Ling. Hero^ for 
that she was pagled and timpanized, and sustained two 
losses vnder one, they footebald their heades togither, & 
protested to make the stem of her loynes of all fishes the 
flanting Fabian or Palmerin of England, which is | Cad- G 4 

35 wallader Herring, and, as their meetings were but seldome, 
and not so oft as welcome, so but seldome should they 
meete in the heele of the weeke at the best mens tables, 



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aoo THE PRAYSE OF 

vppon Fridayes and Satterdayes, the holy time of Lent I 
exempted, and then they might be at meate and meale 
for seuen weekes togither. 

The nurse or mother Mampudding, that was a cowring 
on the backe side whiles these things were a tragedizing, 5 
led by the scritch or outcry to the prospect of this sorrow- 
full heigho, as soone as, through the raueld button holes of 
her bleare eyes, she had suckt in & receiued such a reuela- 
tid of Doomesday, & that she saw her mistris mounted 
a cockhorse, & hoysted away to hell or to heauen on 10 
the backs of those rough headed ruffians, down she sunk 
to the earth, as dead as a doore naile, and neuer mumpt 
crust after. Whereof their supemalities (hauing a drop or 
two of pitty left of the huge hogshead of teares they spent for 
Hero & Leander) seemed to be something sorie, though 15 
they could not weepe for it, and because they would 
bee sure to haue a medicine that should make them weep 
at all times, to that kinde of graine they turned her which 
wee call mustard-seede, as well for shee was a shrewish 
snappish bawd, that wold bite off a mSs nose with an answere ao 
and had rumatique sore eyes that ran alwaies, as that 
she might accompany Hero & Leander after death, as 
in hir life time: & h€fce it is that mustard bites a m2L 
so by the nose, & makes him weep & water his plants 
when he tasteth it ; & that Hero & Leander^ the red as 
Herring and Ling, neuer come to the boord without 
mustard, their waiting maid : & if you marke it, mustard 
looks of the tanned wainscot hue of such a withered 
wrinklefaced beldam as she was that was altred thereinto. 
Louing Hero, how euer altered, had a smack of loue 30 
G 4"^ stil, & therfore to the coast of louing-|land (to Yarmouth 
neere adioyning, & within her liberties of Kirtley roade) 
she accustomed to come in pilgrimage euery yeare, but 
contentions arising there, and shee remembring the euent 
of the contentions betwixt Sestos and Abidos^ that wrought 35 
both Leanders death and hers, shunneth it off late, and 
3a Kirtlejr] h, Harl}\ Hind., Gf. : WeUej a, Htl^ 



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THE RED HERRING aoi 

retireth more northwards : so she shunneth vnquiet Hum- 
ber, because Elstredwzs drownd there, and the Scots Seas, 
as before, & euery other sea where any bloud hath bin 
spUt, for her owne seas sake, that spilt her sweete sweete 
5 hearts bloud and hers. 

Whippet, tume to a new lesson, and strike wee vp 
lohn for the King, or tell howe the Herring scrambled 
vp to be King of all fishes. So it fel vpon a time and tide, 
though not vppon a holiday, a faulconer bringing ouer 

I o certaine hawkes out of Ireland^ and airing them aboue 
hatches on ship-boord, and giuing them stones to cast 
& scoure, one of them broke loose from his fist ere he 
was aware ; which beeing m her Kingdome when shee was 
got vppon her wings, and finding her selfe emptie gorged 

15 after her casting, vp to heauen she towred to seeke 
pray, but there being no game to please her, downe 
she fluttered to the sea againe, and a speckled fish playing 
aboue the water, at it she strooke, mistaking it for 
a partrich. A sharke or Tuberon, that lay gaping for 

ao the fl)nng fish hard by, what did me he, but, seeing 
the marke fall so iust in his mouth, chopt aloft, and 
snapt her vp, belles and all, at a mouthfuU? The newes of 
this murderous act, carried by the Kings fisher to the 
eares of the land foules, there was nothing but arme, 

95 arme, arme, to sea, to sea, swallow & titmouse, to take chas- 
ticem^ft of that trespasse of bloud & death committed against 
a peere of their bloud royal. Preparation was made, 
the muster taken, the leaders allotted, and had their | 
bils to take vp pay ; an old goshawke for general was H i 

30 appointed, for Marshall of the field, a Sparhawke, whom 
for no former desert they putte in office, but because 
it was one of their linage had sustained that wrong, 
and they thought they would be more implacable in 
condoling and commiserating. The Peacocks with their 

35 spotted coates and affrighting voyces for heralds they 
prickt and enlisted, and the cockadoodling cocks for their 
19 Tuberon] b, Harl^\ Hind., Grox Tvlieroii a, HarL* 



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aoa THE PRAYSE OF 

trumpeters, (looke vpon any cocke, and looke vpon any 
trumpeter, and see if hee looke not as red as a cocke after 
his trumpeting, and a cocke as red as he after his crowing.) 
The kistrilles or windsuckers that, filling themselues with 
winde, fly s^nst the winde euermore, for their ful-sailed s 
standerdbearers, the Cranes for pikemen, and the wood- 
cocks for demilances, and so of the rest euery one according 
to that place by nature hee was most apt for. Away to 
the landes ende they trigge, all the skie-bred chirpers 
of them. When they came there, jEquora nos terrent lo 
Or fonti tristis imd^. They had wings of goodwil to 
fly with, but no webbes on their feete to swimme with ; for, 
except the water-foules had mercie vpon them, and stood 
their faithfuU confederates and backe-friends, on their 
backes to transport them, they might returne home like 15 
good fooles, and gather strawes to build their nests, or fal 
to theyr old trade of picking wormes. In sum, to the 
water foules vnanimatdy they recourse, and besought 
Ducke and Drake, Swanne and Goose, Halcions & Seapies, 
Cormorants & Sea-guls, of their oary assistance & aydefiil »o 
furtherance in this action. 

They were not obdurate to be intreated, though they 
had little cause to reuenge the hawkes quarrell from them, 
hauing receiued so many high displeasures and slaughters 
H xy and rapines of their race, | yet in a generall prosecution as 
priuate feuds they trode vnderfoote, and submitted their 
endeuors to be at theyr limitation in euery thing. 

The puffin, that is halfe fish halfe flesh (a lohn indifferent, 
and an Ambodexter betwixt either), bewrayed this conspi- 
racie to Proixus heards, or the fraternity of fishes ; which 30 
the greater grants of Russia & Island, as the whale, the sea 
horse, the Norse, the wasserman, the Dolphin, the Gram- 
poys, fleered and geered at as a ridiculous danger, but the 
lesser pigmeis & spawne of them thought it meete to 
prouide for themselues betime^ and elect a king amongst 35 

4 windfucken Q. 10 them. VHien] Gro, : them, when Q : them : 

when JSTor^* 11 imMgo. lYnfifffarL, Hind,, Gro. 23 bovBL\Qy,r$adfoit 



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THE RED HERRING 203 

them that m^ht deraine them to battaile, and vnder whose 
colours they might march against these birdes of a feather, 
that had so colleagued themselues togither to destroy 
them. 

5 Who this king should bee beshackled theyr wits, and 
layd them a dry ground euery one. No rauening fish they 
would putte in armes, for feare after he had euerted their 
foes, and flesht himselfe in bloud, for interchange of diet, 
hee woulde rauen vp them. 

10 Some politique del^atory Sdpio, or witty pated Petito, 
like tbt heire of Laertes per apheresiuy Vfysses, (well 
knowne vnto them by his prolixious seawandering and 
daundng on their toplesse tottering hilles,) they would 
single forth, if it might bee, whom they might depose 

15 when they list, if he should begin to tyranize, and such a 
one as of himselfe were able to make a sound partie 
if all fayled, and bid base to the enemie with his owne 
kindred and followers. 

None woonne the day in this but the Herring, whom al 

30 their clamorous suffrages saluted with Viue le roy^ God 
saue the King, God saue the King, saue only the Playse 
and the Butte, that made wry mouthes at | him, and H a 
for their mocldtig haue wry mouthes euer since, and 
the Herring euer since weares a coronet on his head, in 

35 token that hee is as he is. Which had the worst end of the 
stafTe in that sea ioumey or canuazado, or whether some 
fowler with his nets (as this host of fethermungers were 
getting vp to ride double) inuolued or intangled them, 
or the water foules playde them false (as there is no more 

30 loue betwixt them then betwixt saylers and land souldiours) 
and threw them off their backs, and lette them drowne when 
they were launched into the deepe, I leaue to some Alfon- 
sus^ Poggius^ or jiEscpe to vnwrap, for my penne is tired in it : 
but this is notorious, the Herring, from that time to this, 

35 hath gone with an army, and neuer stirres abroade without 

it ; and when he stirs abroad with it, he sendes out his scowts 

ao-i God saue Ute King, God laae King Q, 33-3 Alfonsus) P^ggius Q. 



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ao4 THE PRAYSE OF 

or sentinels before him, that oftentimes are intercepted, 
and by thtyr parti-coloured liueries descried, whom the 
mariners after they haue tooke, vse in this sort: eight 
or nine times they swinge them about the maine mast, and 
bid them bring them so many last of Herrings as they 5 
haue swinged them times, and that shall be theyr ransome, 
and so throw them into the sea againe. King, by your 
leaue, for in your kingshippe I must leaue you, and repeate 
how from white to redde you camelionized. 

It is to bee read, or to bee heard of, howe in the 10 
Punieship or nonage of Cerdicke sandes, when the best 
houses and walles there were of mudde or canuaze, or 
Poldauies entiltments, a Fisherman of Yarmouth, hauing 
drawne 30 many herrings hee wist not what to do withall, 
hung the residue that he could not sel nor spSd, in the 15 
sooty roofe of his shad a drying : or say thus, his shad was 
a cabbinet in decimo sexto^ builded On foure crutches, and 
hee had no roome in it, but in that garret or Excelsis^ 
H a^ to lodge them, where if they | were drie, let them bee drie, 
for in the sea they had drunke too much, and now hee ^o 
would force them doo penance for it 

The weather was colde, and good fires hee kept, (as 
fishermen, what hardnesse soeuer they endure at sea, they 
will make all smoake, but they will make amendes for 
it, when they come to land,) and what with his fiering ss 
and smoking, or smokie firing, in that his narrow lobby, 
his herrings, which were as white as whales bone when hee 
hung them vp, nowe lookt as red as a lobster. It was 
foure or fine dayes before either hee or his wife espied it^ 
& when they espied it, they fell downe on their knees & 30 
blessed themselus, & cride, a miracle, a miracle, & with 
the proclaiming it among their neighbours they could 
not be content, but to the court the fisherman would, and 
present it to the King, then lying at Borrough Castle 
two mile off. 35 

Of this Borrough Castle, because it is so aundent, 

17 a acbbinet Q. 



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THE RED HERRING 205 

and there hath beene a Citie there, I will enter into 
some more spedall mention. The floud Waueny, running 
through many Townes of hie SufTolke vp to Bungey^ 
and from thence incroching neerer and neerer to the 

5 sea, with his twining & winding it cuts out an Hand of 
some amplitude, named Loutngland. The head Towne in 
that Hand is Leystofe^ in which bee it knowne to all men 
I was borne, though my father sprang from the Noshes of 
Herefordshire. 

10 The next Towne from Leystofe towardes Yarmouth 
is Carton^ and next Gorlstan. More inwardly on the left 
hande, where Waueny and the riuer lerus mixe their 
waters, Cnoberi vrbs^ the Cittie of Cnobor, at this day 
termed Burgh or Borough Castle, had his being. 

15 This cittie and castle, saith Bede and Maister Camden^ or 
rather M. Camden out of Bede^ by the woodes | about H $ 
it, and the driuing of the sea vppe to it, was most pleasant. 
In it one Furfaeus, a Scot, builded a monastery, at whose 
perswasion Sigebert, king of the east Angles, gaue ouer his 

aokingdome and led a monasticall life there; but forth 
of that monastery hee was haled against his will, to 
incourage his subiects in their battaile against the Mercians, 
where he perished with them. 

Nothing of that Castle saue tartered ragged walles nowe 

as remaines, framed foure square, and ouergrowne with briars 
and bushes, in the stubbing vp of which, erst whiles 
they digge vppe Romane coynes, and booies and anchors. 
Well, thither our Fisherman set the best legge before, and 
vnfardled to the King his whole sachel of wonders. The 

30 King was as superstitious in worshipping those miraculous 
herrings as the fisherman, licenced him to carry th6 vp 
& downe the realme for strange monsters, giuing to Cerdek 
sands (the birth place of such monstrosities) many priuilegesj 
and, in that the quantitie of them that were caught so 

ssencreaaed, he assigned a broken sluce in the Hand of 
Louingland, called Herring Fleete, where they shoulde 
34 tattered Harky HineL 



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ao6 THE PRAYSE OF 

disburden and discharge their boates of them, and reader 
him custome. Our Herring smoker, hauing worn his 
monsters stale throughout England, spirted ouer seas 
to Rome with a Pedlers packe of th^, in the Papall chaire 
of VigiliuSy he that first instituted Saints eeues or Vigils to 5 
be fasted. By that time hee came thither he had but 
three of his Herrings left, for by the way he fell into the 
theeuish hands of malcontents, and of launceknights, of 
whom he was not only robbed of all his mony, but was 
faine to redeeme his life besides with the better parte of his i® 
ambry of bumisht fishes. 
H 3^ These herrings three he rubbed and curried ouer | till his 
armes aked againe, to make them glowe and glare like 
a Turkie brooch, or a London Vintners signe, thicke ia^ed, 
and round fringed, with theaming Arsadine, and foldii^is 
them in a diaper napkin as lilly white as a Ladies marry- 
ing smocke, to the market steade of Rome he was so bold 
as to prefer them, and there, on a hie stoole, vnbraced 
and vnlaced them to any chapmans eie that woulde buyc 
them. The Popes caterer, casting a licorous glaunce that »o 
way, asked what it was he had to sell : the king of fishes, 
hee answered : the king of fishes ? replied hee, what is the 
price of him ? A hundred duckats, he tolde him : a hundred 
duckats? quoth the Popes caterer, that is a kingly price 
indeede, it is for no priuate man to deale with him : then %i 
hee is for mee, saydfe the Fisherman, and so vnsheathed 
his cuttle-bong, and from the nape of the necke to the 
taile dismembred him, and pauncht him vp at a mouthfull. 
Home went his Beatitudes caterer with a flea in his eare, 
and discoursed to his Holinesse what had happened. 30 
Is it the king of fishes? the Pope frowningly shooke 
him vp like a catte in a blanket, and is any man to haue 
him but I that am king of kings, and lord of lords ? Go, 
giue him his price, I commaund thee, and lette mee taste 
of him incontinently. Backe returned the Caterer like 35 
a dogge that had lost his taile, and powred downe the 
4 in] to Gro, la tlil c.w. 



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THE RED HERRING 207 

herringmerchant his hundred ducats for one of those two 
of the king of fishes vnsolde ; which then he would not take, 
but stoode vppon twoo hundred. Thereuppon they broke 
off, the one vrging that he had offered it him so before, and 

5 the other that hee might haue tooke him at his proffer ; 
which since he refused, and now halperd with him, as 
he eatc vp the first, so would he eate vpp the second, 
and let Pope or patriarch of Constantinople fetch it out of 
his belly if they could : Hee was as | good as his word, H 4 

xo and had no sooner spoke the worde, but he did as he spoke. 
With a heauy heart to the pallace the yeoman of the 
mouth departed, and rehearsed this second il successe, 
wherwith Peters successour was so in his muUi^frums that 
he had thought to haue buffeted him, & cursed him with 

T5 bell, book, & candle ; but he ruled his reaso, & bade him, 
thogh it cost a million, to let him haue that third that 
rested behind, and hie him expeditely thither, lest some 
other snatched it vp, and as fast from thence againe, 
for hee swore by his triple crowne, no crumme of refection 

aowoulde he gnaw vpon, till he had sweetened his lippes 
with it 

So said, so done : thither he flew as swift as Mercury, and 
threw him his two hundred ducats, as hee before demaunded. 
It would not fadge, for then the market was raised to three 

a5 C. and the Caterer grumbling thereat, the fisher swayne 
was forward to fettle him to his tooles, and tire vpon 
it, as on the other two, had not he held his hands, and 
desired hym to keep the peace, for no mony should 
part them: with that speech hee was quallified, and 

30 pursed the three hundred ducats, and deliuered him the 
king of fishes, teaching hym how to geremumble it, sawce 
it, and dresse it, and so sent him away a glad man. All 
the Popes cookes in their white sleeues and linnen aprons 
met him middle way, to entertaine and receyue the king of 

35 fishes, and together by the eares they went, who shoulde 

$-6 profTer, which Q, Gro. 6 him : as Q^ Gro, a6 fettle] settle 



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ao8 THE PRAYSE OF 

first handle him or touch hhn : but the clarke 'of tbe 
kitchin appeased that strife, and would admit none but 
him selfe to haue the scorching and carbonadoing of it, and 
he kissed his hand thrice, and made as many HumbUssas^ 
ere hee woulde finger it : and such obeysances performed, s 
he drest it as he was enioyned, kneeling on his knes, 
and mumbling twenty aue Maryes to hymsdfe in the 
H 4^ sacrifizing of it on the coales, that his | diligent seruice 
in the broyling and combustion of it, both to his kingship 
and to his fatherhood, might not seeme vnmeritorious. lo 
The fire had not perst it, but it being a sweaty loggerhead 
greasie sowter, endQgeond in his pocket a tweluemonth, 
. stunk so ouer the popes pallace, that not a scuUion but 
cryed fob, and those which at the first flocked the faistest 
about it now fled the most from it, and sought more to rid 15 
theyr hands of it than before they sought to blesse theyr 
handes with it W)^h much stopping of ^eyr noses, 
between two dishes they stued it, and serued it vp. It was 
not come wythin three chambers of the Pope, but he smelt 
it, and vpon the smelling of it enquiring what it should be m 
that sent forth such a puissant perfume, the standers 
by declared that it was the king of fishes : I conceyted no 
lesse, sayde the Pope, for lesse than a king he could not be, 
that had so strong a sent, and if his breath be so strong, 
what is he hymself ? like a great king, like a strong king, as 
I will vse hym ; let hym be caried backe, I say, and my 
Cardinalls shall fetch hym in with dirge and processions 
vnder my canopy. 

Though they were double and double weary of hyiti, yet 
his Edict being a lawe, to the kitchin they returned him, 30 
whither by and by the whole Colledge of scarlet Cardi- 
nalles, wyth theyr crosiers, theyr censors, their hosts, their 
Agnus deies and crucifixes, flocked togither in heapes as it 
had beene to the condaue or a generall counsaile, and the 
senior Cardinall that stood next in election to bee Pope, 55 
heaued him vp from the Dresser, with a dii^e of De 

aa it] is Q, 



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THE RED HERRING 209 

profundis natus est f ex; rex he should haue sayd, and 
so haue made true latine, but the spirable odor & pestilent 
steame ascending from it put him out of his bias of con- 
gruity, &, as true as the truest latin oi Priscian^ would haue 
5 queazened him, like the dampe that tooke both Bell \ and 1 1 
Baram away, and many a woorthy man that day, if hee 
had not beene protected vnder the Popes canopy, and the 
other Cardinalles, with theyr holi-water sprinkles, quencht 
his foggy fume and euaporating. About and about the 

10 inward and base court they circumducted him, with 
Kiriely^on and Halleluiah^ and the chaunters in their 
golden copes and white surplesses chaunted it out aboue 
gloria patriy in prajrsing of him : the Oigans playde, the 
Ordonance at the Castle of Saint Angelas went off, and all 

15 wind instruments blew as loude as the winde in winter in 
his passado to the Popes ordinary or dining chamber, where 
hauing sette him downe, vppon their faces they fell flatte, 
and lickt euery one his dl of dust, in douking on all 
foure vnto him. 

ao The busie epitasis of the commedy was when the dishes 
were vncouered and the swarthrutter sowre tooke a)rre: 
for then hee made such an ayre, as Alcides himselfe that 
densed the stables of Agams nor any hostler was able to 
endure. 

as This is once, the ^Ope it popt vnder boord, and out of 
his pallace worse 'it scared him then Neptunes Phocases^ 
that scard the horses of Hippolitus^ or the harpies, lupiters 
dogges, sent to vexe Phineus ; the Cardinalles were at 
their or a pro nobis^ and held this suffocation a meete suffer- 

30 ance for so contemning the king of fishes and his subiects, 
and fleshly surfetting in their camiualles. Negromantick 
sorcery, n^romanticke sorcerie, some euill spirit of an 
heretique it is, which thus molesteth his Apostoliqueship. 
The friars and munkes caterwawled, from the abbots and 

35 priors to the nouices, wherfore tanquam in drco, wee 

35 [On] This, at once, the Pope popt it Tuder-boord Gro. a6 pdlace ; 

worae GrQ. 

Ill P 



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aio THE PRAYSE OF 

will trownse him in a circle, and make him tell what 
Lantememan or groome of Hecatcs close stoole hec is, 
1 1^ that thus nefariously and proditoriously propha-|nes & pene- 
trates our holy fathers nostrils. What needes there any 
more ambages ? the ringoU or ringed circle was compast 5 
and chalkt out, and the king of fishes, by the name of the 
Idng of fishes, coniured to appeare in the center of it ; 
but surdo cantant absurdly siue surdum incantant fraires 
sordidi^ hee was a king absolute, and would not be at euery 
mans cal, & if frier Pendela and his fellowes had any thing '« 
to say to him, in his admiral court of the sea let them seek 
him, and neither in Hull, Hell, nor Halifax. 

They, seeing that by the)rr charmes and spels they could 
spell nothing of him, fell to a more charitable suppose, that 
it might bee the distressed soule of some king that was is 
drownd, who, being long in Purgatorie, and not releeued by 
the praiers of the church, had leaue, in that disguised forme, 
to haue egresse and r^fresse to Rome, to craue theyr 
beneuolence of dirges, trentals, and so foorth, to helpe him 
onward on his ioumey to Limbo patrum or Elisium^ and w 
because they would not easily beleeue what tortures in 
purgatory hee had sustained, vnlesse they were eye- 
witnesses of them, hee thought to represent to all theyr 
sences the ims^ and Idea of his combustion and broyling 
there, and the horrible stinch of his sins accompanying, n 
both vnder his frying and broyling on the coles in the 
Popes Idtchin, & the intollerable smel or stink he sent 
forth vnder either. Vna voce in this splene to Pope 
VigUius they ran, and craned that this king of fishes 
might first haue Christian buriall, next, that hee might 30 
haue masses sung for him, and last, that for a saint hee 
would canonize him. Al these hee graunted, tq bee ridde 
of his filthy redolence, and his chiefe casket 'ivherein he 
put all his iewelles hee made the coffin of his enclosure, 



3-4 that thos . . . prophanet and penetrates /Tor/., Hi$td, : . . . propha-| «, 

ft • . . Q : thus . . . prophaniog & penetrating Gro, 4 nosttils, what Q : 

Nostrils : What HarV\ ffincL^ Gro, 25-6 accompanying both vnder Q. 



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THE RED HERRING 211 

and for his ensainting, looke the Almanack in the hym- 
ning of Aprill, I and see if you can finde out such a saint 1 2 
as saint Gildarde ; which in honour of this guilded fish the 
Pope so ensainted : nor there hee rested and stopt, but in 

5 the mitigation of the very embers wheron he was sindged» 
(that after he was taken of them, fumed most fulsomly of 
his fatty droppings,) hee ordained ember weekes in their 
memory, to be fasted euerlastingly. 

I had well nie forgot a speciall poynt of my Romish 

10 history, & that is how Madam Celina Comifida^ one of 
the curiosest curtizans of Rome, when the fame of the 
king of fishes was canon-rored in her eares, shee sent 
all hir iewells to the iewish lumbarde to pawne, to buy 
and encaptiue him to her trenchour, but her purueyour 

15 came a day after the faire, & as he came, so hee farde, 
for not a scrap of him but the cobs of the two Herrings 
the Fisherman had eaten remained of him, and those 
Cobbes, rather than hee woulde go home wyth a slecue- 
lesse answer, he bought at the rate of fourescore ducats : 

ao (they were rich cobbes you must rate them ; and of them 
all cobbing countrey chufTes which make their bellies and 
their bagges theyr Gods are called riche Cobbes.) Euery 
manne will not clappe hands to this tale ; the Norwichers 
imprimis, who say the first guildihg of Herring^ was 

as deducted from them: and after this guise they tune the 
accent of theyr speech, how that when Castor was Norwich, 
(a Towne twoo mile beyond this Norwich, that is termed 
to this day Norwich Castor, and hauing monuments of 
a castle in it enuironing fifty acres of ground, and ringbolts 

30 in the walles whereto ships were fastned,) our Norwich 
now vpon her leggs was a poore fisher towne, and the sea 
spawled and springed vp to her common sta)rres in Confur 
streete. 

All this may passe in the Queenes peace, and no mSl say 

a yoa] yon Q. 5-6 dodged, that Q, la eares] eates Q, 19-20 

dacats (tney Q, ao them) axul Q\ them): and Gro, a a Cobbes. 



Euery Q, Gro. 



V% 



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ai2 THE PRAYSE OF 

la^'bo to it: but bawwaw, quoth Bagsbaw, to that | which 
drawlacheth behinde, of the first taking of herrings there, 
and ciurying and guylding them amongst th€, wherof, 
if they could whisper to vs any simple likelihood, or raw- 
bond carcasse of reason, more than their imaginary dreame 5 
of Guilding crosse in theyr parish of S. Sauiours, (now 
stumpt vp by the rootes,) so named, as they would haue it, 
of the smoaky guilding of herrings there first inuented, 
I could wel haue allowed of, but they must bring better 
cardes ere they winne it from Yarmouth. lo 

As good a toy to mocke an ape wsis it of hym that 
shewed a country fellow the red sea, where all the red 
Herrings were made, (as some places in the sea where 
the sunne is most transpercing, and beates wyth his rayes 
feruentest, will looke as red as blood:) and the ieast of 15 
a SchoUer in Cambridge, that standing angling on the 
towne bridge there, as the country people on the market 
day passed by, secretly bayted his hook wyth a red 
Herrii^ wyth a bell about the necke, and so conueying 
it into the water that no man perceiued it, all on theao 
soda)m, when he had a competent throng gathered about 
hym, vp he twicht it agayne, and layd it openly before 
them ; whereat the gaping rurall fooles, driuen into no 
lease admiration than the common people about Londd 
some few yeares since were at the bubbling of Moore-ditch, >5 
sware by their christendomes that, as many dayes and 
yeeres' as they had lined, they neuer sawe such a myracle 
of a red herring taken in the fresh-water before. That greedy 
seagull ignorance is apt to deuoure any thing. For a new 
Messias they are ready to expect of the bedlam hatmakers 30 
wife by London bridge, he that proclaymes hsmiselfe Elias, 
and sayeth he is inspired wyth mutton and porredge ; and 
with them.it is currant that Don Sebastian, king of Portug^all, 

1 3 (sla)me twenty yeares since wyth | Stukeley at the battell 
of Alcazar,) is raysed from the dead like Lazarus, and aliue 35 

9 of] 0f. r$ad ofit, €md whtroiif (as Q) in IL i-J^abcotf a6 Christen- 
domes Gro, 34 Stttkely c,w. 



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THE RED HERRING 313 

to be seene at Venice. Let them looke to themselues as 
they will, for I am theirs to gull them better than euer I 
haue done; and this I am sure, I haue destributed gudgeon 
dole amongst them, as Gods plenty as any stripling of my 
5 slender portion of witte, farre or neere. They needes will 
haue it so, much good do it them, I can not doe wythall : * 
For if but carelesly betwixt sleeping and waking I write 
I knowe not what against plebeian Publicans and sinners 
(no better than the sworne brothers of candlesticke turners 

10 and tinkers) and leaue some termes in suspence that my 
post-haste want of argent will not giue mee elbowe roome 
enough to explane or examine as I would, out steps me an 
infant squib of the Innes of Court, that hath not halfe 
greased his dining cappe, or scarce warmed his Lawyers 

15 cushion, and he, to approue hymselfe an extrauagant 
statesman, catcheth hold of a rush, and absolutely con- 
dudeth, it is meant of the Emperour of Ruscia, and that 
it will vtterly marre the traffike into that country if all 
the Pamphlets bee not called in and suppressed, wherdn 

20 that libelling word is mentioned. An other, if but a head 
or a tayle of any beast he boasts of in his crest or his 
scutcheon be reckoned vp by chaunce in a volume where 
a man hath iust occasion to reckon vp all beasts in armory, 
he strait engageth h3rmselfe by the honor of his house, and 

35 his neuer reculed sword, to diresh downe the hayry roofe 
of that brayne that so seditiously mutined against hym, 
with the mortiferous bastinado, or cast suche an vncurable 
Italian trench in his face, as not the basest creeper vpon 
pattens by the high way side but shall abhor him worse 

30 than the carrion of a dead corse^ or a man banged vp in 
gibbets. I 

I will deale more boldly, & yet it shall be securelie and I i^ 
in the way of honestie, to a number of Gods fooles, that 
for their wealth might be deep wise men, and so foorth, (as 

35 now a dales in the opinion of the best lawyers of England 
there is no wisedome without wealth, alleadge what you 
16 and Q. a6 mutinied Gtv, 3a RunanmGro, Iucjih 



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ai4 THE PRAYSE OF 

can to the contrarie of all the beggarly sages of greece,) 
these, I say, out of some discourses of mine, which were 
a mingle mangle cum purre, and I knew not what to make 
of my selfe, haue fisht out such a deepe politique state 
meaning as if I had al the secrets of court or common- 5 
wealth at my fingers endes. Taike I of a beare, O, it is 
such a man that emblazons him in his armes, or of a 
woolfe, a fox, or a camdion, any lording whom they do 
not affect it is meant by. The great potentate, stirred 
vppe with those peruerse applications, not looking into the 10 
text It selfe, but the ridiculous comment, or if hee lookes 
into it, foUowes no other more charitable comment then 
that, straite thunders out his displeasure, & showres downe 
the whole tempest of his indignation vpon me, and, to 
amend the matter, and fully absolue himselfe of this rash 15 
error of misconstruing, he commits it ouer to be prosecuted 
by a worse misconstruer then himselfe, videlicet^ his learned 
counsaile, (God forgiue me if I slander them with that title 
of learned, for generally they are not,) and they, being com- 
pounded of nothing but vociferation and clamour, rage & to 
fly out they care not howe against a mans life, his person, 
his parentage, twoo houres before they come to the poynt, 
little remembring their owne priuy scapes with their Ian- 
dresses^ or their night walkes to Pancredge, togither with 
the hobnaylde houses of their carterly ancestrie fi-om ^5 
whence they are sprung, that haue coold plow-iades 
buttocks time out of minde with the breath of their 
1 4 whistling, and, with retailing | theyr dung to manure landes, 
and selling strawe and chaffe, scracht vp the pence to 
make them gentlemen. But, Lord, howe miserably do 30 
these Ethnicks, when they once march to the purpose, set 
words on the tenters, neuer reading to a period (which you 
shal scarse find in thirtie sheetes of a lawyers declaration) 
wherby they might comprehende the intire sence of the 
writer togither, but disioynt and teare euery sillabless 

I Greece Gro. 3 cum pnrre] cumputre HarU, Hind, la Q^ 

^oi/ he follower ^foUowingf 17 vtaiHatQ. a8 their r.nr. 



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THE RED HERRING ai5 

betwixt their teeth seuerally ; and if by no meanes they 
can make it odious, they wil be sure to bring it in disgrace 
by ilfauoured mouthing and missounding it These bee 
they that vse mens writings like bruite beasts, to make 
5 them draw which way they list, as a prindpall agent in 
church controuersies of this our time complaineth. I haue 
red a tale of a poore man and an aduocate, which poore 
man complained to the King of wrong that the aduocate 
hadde doone him, in taking away his cow. The king 
xo made him no answere but this, that hee woulde sende 
for the aduocate, and heare what hee could say. Nay^ 
quoth the poore man, if you bee at that passe that you 
wil pawse to heare what he wil say> I haue vtterly lost my 
cowe, for hee hath woords inough to make fooles of tenne 
15 thousand. So hee that shal haue his lines bandied by our 
vsuall plodders in Fitzherbart, lette him not care whether 
they bee right or wrong: for they will writhe and tume 
them as they list, and make the author beleeue he meant 
that which hee neuer did meane : and, for a kni^g vp 
3o conclusion, his credite is vnrepriueably lost, that on bare 
suspitio in such cases shal but haue his name controuerted 
amongest th€ ; & if I should fall into their handes, I would 
be pressed to death for obstinate silence, and neuer seeke 
to cleere my selfe, for it is in vaine, since both they will 
25 confound a mans memory wyth their tedious babbling, | and 1 4^ 
in the first three wordes of his Apology, with impudent 
exclamations interrupt him, whenas their mercenary 
tongues (lie they neuer so lowdly) without checke or 
controule must haue their free passage for fine houres 
30 together. 

I speake of the worser sort, not of the best, whom I 
holde in high admiration, as well for theyr singular gifts 
of art and nature, as theyr vntaynted consciences wyth 
corruption : and from some of them I auowe I haue heard 
35 as excellent things flowe, as euer I obserued in Tully or 
Demosthenes. Those that were present at the arraignm^t 

9 King Gro. 



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ai6 THE PRAYSE OF 

of Lopus (to insist in no other particular) hereof I am sure 
will beare me record. Latinelesse dolts, saturnine heauy 
headed blunderers, my inuectiue hath relation to, such as 
count al Artes puppet-playes, and pretty rattles to please 
children, in comparison of their confused barbarous lawe, 5 
which if it were set downe in any christian language 
but the Getan tongue, it would neuer grieue a man to 
studie it. 

Neyther Ouid nor Ariosto coulde by any perswasions of 
their parents be induced to study the Ciuil law, fen: the 10 
harshnesse of it : how much more (had they bin aliue at 
this day, and borne in our nation) would they haue con- 
sented to study this vnciuill Norman hotpolch, this sow of 
lead, that hath neuer a ring at the end to lift it vp by^ is 
without head or foote, the deformedest monster that may 15 
bee ? I stand lawing heere, what with these lawyers and 
selfe-conceited misinterpreters, so long, that my redde 
herring, which was hot broyling on the coles, is waxtstarke 
cold for want of blowing. Haue with them for a riddle or 
two, onely to set their wittes a nibbling, and their iobber- ao 
nowles a working, and so good night to their segniories, 
but with this indentment and caution, that, though there | 
K I be neither rime nor reason in it, (as by my good will there 
shal not,) they, accordii^to their accustomed gentle fauors, 
whether I wil or no, shall supply it with either, and runne as 
ouer al the peeres of the land in peeuish moralizing and 
anatomizing it. 

There was a Herring, or there was not, for it was but a 
cropshin, one of the refuse sort of herrings, and this herring, 
or this cropshin, was sensed and thurified in the smoake, 30 
and had got him a suit of durance that would last longer 
then one of Erra Paters Almanacks or a cunstables 
browne bill, onely his head was in his tayle, and that made 
his breath so strong that no man could abide him. Well, 
he was a Triton of his time, and a sweete ^singing calander 35 
to the state, yet not beloued of the shoury Pleyades or the 
3 rdatkm, to such Q, (rrf. la 0^ rmM/tliejriiot hane/ 



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THE RED HERRING aiy 

Colossus of the sunne, boweuer hee thought hunselfe another 
tumidus Antimachus^ as compleate an Adelantado as hee 
that !S knowne by wearing a cloake of tuftaffatie eighteene 
jr<are ; and to Lady Turbut there is no demurre but he 
5 would needs goe a wooing, and offered her for a dowre 
whole hecatombs and a twoo-hand-sword : shee starde 
vpon him with Megaras eyes, like Iris the messenger of 
luno^ and bad him go eate a fooles head and garlick, for 
she would none of him: thereuppon particularly strictly 

lo and vsually he replied^ that though thunder nere lights on 
Phabus tree, and Amphion^ that worthy musition, was 
husband to Niobe^ and there was no such acceptable incense 
to the heauens as the bloud of a traitour, reuenged hee 
would bee by one Chimera of imagination or other, and 

IS hamper and embrake her in those mortal straights for 
hlr disdain, that, in spite of diuine simmetry & miniature, 
into her buskie g^roue shee should let him enter, and bid 
adew, sweete Lord, or the crampe of death should wrest 
her heart strings. | 

do This, speech was no spireable odor to the AcheUms of her K i"^ 
audience; wherefore she charged him by the extreame 
lineaments of the Erimanthian beare, and by the priuy 
fistula of the Pieridesy to committe no more such excruciat- 
ing sillables to the yeelding ayre, for she would sooner 

as make her a French-hood of a cowsharde and a gowne of 
spiders webbes, with the sleeues drawn out with cabbages, 
then be so contaminated any more with his abortiue loathely 
motiues: With this, in an olympickrage,he calles for a deane 
shirt, and puttes on fine paire of buskins, and seeketh out 

90 eloquent Zenophon^ out of whose mouth the Muses spake, to 
declaime in open Courte against her. 

The action is entred, the complaint of her wintered 
browes presented, of a violent rape of his heart shee is 
indited and conuinced. The drcumstaunce that foUowes 

35 you may imagine or suppose : or, without supposing 
or imagining, I will tell you; the nutte was crackt, the 
i6 t in mieUy Q. i8 this In 6, Gf. 



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strife discust, and the center of her heart layd open, and to 
this wild of sorrowes and excruciament she was confined» 
either to bee helde a flat thomebacke or sharpe pricking 
dog-fish to the weale publique, or scale her selfe close to 
his seale-skind riueld lippes, and suffer her selfe as a spirit 5 
to be coniured into the hellish circle of his embraces. 

It would not be, good cropshin, Madam Turiut could not 
away with such a drie withered carkasse to lie by her; 
curratrex^f viuat lex^ come what would, shee would none of 
him : wherfore, as a poysoner of mankind with her beautie, xo 
she was adiudged to be boyled to death in hot scalding 
water, and to haue her posterity throughly sawst and sowst 
and pickled in barrelles of brinish teares, so ruthfull and 
K a dolorous that | the inhabitants on Bospkoros should bee 
laxatiue in deploring it O, for a L^ion of mice-eyed 15 
decipherers and calculaters vppon characters,now to augurate 
what I meane by this: the diuell, if it stood vpon his 
saluation, cannot do it, much lesse petty diuels and cruell 
Rhadamants vppon earth, (else where in France and Italy 
subintelligitur^ and not in our aspicious Iland climate,) men ao 
that haue no meanes to purchase credit with theyr Prince, 
but by putting him still in feare, and beating into his 
opinion that they are the onely preseruers of his life, in 
sitting vp night and day in sifting out treasons, wh6 they 
are the most traytours themeelues, to his life, health, and 35 
quiet, in continual commacerating him with dread and 
terror, when but to gette a pension, or bring him in theyr 
debt, next to God, for vpholding his vital breath, it is 
neither so, nor so, but some foole, some drunken man, some 
madde man in an intoxicate humour hath vttered hee 30 
knewe not what, and they, beeing starued for intelligence 
or want of employment, take hold of it with tooth and 
nayle, and in spite of all the wayters, will violently breake 
into the kings chamber, and awake him at midnight to 
reueale it. 35 

Say that a more piercing Linceus sight should diue into 

14 on] OD the Harl,^ •, Hindi of Gro. 19 cirth, die where, (in Gro. 



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THE RED HERRING ai9 

the intrailes of this insinuatuig parasites knauery ; to the 
strapado and the stretching torture hee will referre it for 
triall, and there eyther teare him limbefrom limbe, but hee 
will extract some capitall confession from him, that shal 

5 concerne the Princes life and his crowne and dignity, and 
bring himselfe in such necessary request about his prince 
as hee may holde him for his right hand and the onely 
staffe of his royalty, and thinke hee were vndoone if hee 
were without him, when the poore fellow so tyrannously 

lo handled would rather in that extremitie of | conuulsion K a"" 
confesse hee crucified lesus Christ then abide it any longer. 
I am not against it, (for God forbid I should,) that it 
behooues all loyall true subiects to bee vigilant and iealous 
for their princes safetie, and, certaine, too iealous and 

15 vigilant of it they cannot bee, if they bee good princes that 
raigne ouer them, nor vse too many meanes of disquisition 
by tortures, or otherwise, to discouer treasons pretended 
against them, but vppon the least wagging of a straw to put 
them in feare where no feare is, and make a hurliburlie in 

ao the realme vpon had I wist, not so much for any zeale or 
loue to their princes, or tender care of theyr preseruation, 
as to picke thankes, and curry a little fauour, that thereby 
they may lay the foundation to build a sute on, or crosse 
some great enemie they haue, I will maintaine it is most 

35 lewd and detestable. I accuse none, but such there haue 
beene belonging to Princes in former ages, if there bee not 
at this houre. 

Stay, let me looke about, where am I ? in my text, or out 
of it ? not out, for a groate : out, for an angell : nay, I'le 

50 lay no wagers, for nowe I perponder more sadlie vppon it, I 
tlUnke I am out indeede. Beare with it, it was but a pretty 
parenthesis of Princes and theyr parasites, which shall doo 
you no harme, for I will cloy you with Herring before wee 
part 

35 Will you haue the other riddle of the cropshin to make 
vppe the payre that I promised you ? you shall, you shall 
9 tjimimoiisly Q. 18 sttaw Q. a8 I in Q, Gro. 29 angell, nay Qt Gro. 



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(not haue it, I meane) but beare with mee, for I cannot 
spare it, and I perswade my selfe you wil be well contented 
to spare it, except it were better then the former ; and yet 
I pray you what £aiult can you finde with the former? hath 
it any more sence in it then it should haue ? is it not right 5 
of the merry coblers cutte in that witty Play of the Case is 
altered} \ 
3 I will speake a proude word (though it may bee counted 
arrc^ancy in me to prayse mine owne stuffe) : if it bee not 
more absurde then Philips his Venus, the white Tragedie^ lo 
or the greene Knight, or I can tell what English to make 
of it in part or in whole, I wish, in the foulest weather that 
is, to goe in cutte Spanish lether shooes, or silke stockings, 
or to stand barehead to a nobleman, and not gette of him 
the price of a periwig to couer my bare crown, no, not so 15 
much as a pipe of Tabacco to rayse my spirites and warme 
my braine. 

My readers peraduenture may see more into it then I 
can ; for, in comparison of them, in whatsoeuer I set forth, 
I am Bernardus nan vidit omnia, as blinde as blinde Bayard, m> 
and haue the eyts of a beetle: nothing from them is 
obscure, they being quicker sighted then the sunne, to ^ie 
in his beames the moates that are not, and able to trans- 
forme the lightest murmuring gnat to an Elephant Carpe 
or descant they as theyr spleene mooues them, my spleene as 
mooues me not to file my handes with them, but to fell 
a crash more to the redde herring. 

Howe many bee there in the worlde that childishly 
depraue Alchumy, and cannot spell the first letter of it ; in 
the black booke of which ignorant band of scomers, it may 30 
be I am scorde vp with the highest: if I be^ I must intreate 
them to wipe me out, for the red herring haith lately beene 
my ghostly father toconuert me to their fayth ; ihcproiatum 
est of whose transfiguration ex Luna in Solem, from his 
duskie tinne hew into a perfit golden blandishment, onely 35 
by the foggy smoake of the grossest kind of fire that is, 

9 itnfie) if Q, Gro. 



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THE RED HERRING aai 

illumines my speculatiue soule, what muche more^ not 
sophisticate or superficiall effects, but absolute essentiall 
alteratiohs of mettalles, there may bee | made by an artificiall K 3"" 
repurified flame and diuerse other helpes of nature added 

S besides. 

Cornelius Agrippa maketh mention of some Philosophers 
that held the skinne of the sheepe that bare the golden 
fleece, to be nothing but a booke of Alcumy written vpon 
it ; so if wee should examine matters to the proofe, wee 

10 shoulde finde the redde Herrings skinne to be little lesse : 
the acddens of Alcumy I will sweare it is, be it but for 
that experiment of his smoaldng alone, and, which is a 
secret that all Tapsters will curse mee for blabbing, in his 
skinne there b plaine witchcraft; for doe but rubbe a kanne 

15 or quarte pot round about the mouth wyth it, let the 
cunningest lickespiggot swelt his heart out, the beere 
shal neuer foame or froath in the cupp, whereby to deceyue 
men of their measure, but be as setled as if it stoode al 
night. 

«o Next, to draw on hounds to a sent, to a redde herring 
skinne there is nothing comparable. The round or cobbe 
of it dride and beaten to powlder is ipse tile agaynst the 
stone: and of the whole body of it selfe, the finest Ladies 
beyond seas frame their kickshawes. 

H The rebel lacke Cade was the first that deuised to put 
redde herrings in cades, and from hym they haue their 
name. Nowe as wee call it the swinging of herrings when 
wee cade them, so in a halter was hee swung, and trussed 
vppe as hard and round as any cade of herring he trussed 

30 vppe in his tyme, and perhappes of his being so swung and 
trussed vp, hauyng first found out the tricke to cade herring, 
they woulde so much honour him in his death, as not onely 
to call it swinging, but cading of herring also. If the text 
will beare this, we wil force it to beare more, but it shall be 

35 but the weight of a strawe, or the weight of lacke Straw 
more ; who, with the same Grxcafide I marted | vnto you K 4 
a3ititielfeJ7tfr^,<&Mi: a8 wet] (rfv. : bee C lytGtMABarl.^^.Himd. 



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22% THE PRAYSE OF 

the former, was the first that putte the redde herring in 
straw ouer head and eares like beggars, & the Fishermen 
vpon that lacke strawd him eucr after : & some, for he was 
so begarly a knaue that chalei^;ed to be a gentleman, and 
had no witte nor wealth but what hee got by the warme 5 
wrapping vp of herring, raised this Prouerbe of him, Gentle- 
man lacke Herring that put tes his breeches on his head for 
want of wearing. Other di^^ceful prouerbes of the 
herring there be, as Nere a barrell better herrings Neither 
flesh nor fish, nor good red herring^ which those that haue lo 
bitten with ill bargaines of either sort haue dribd forth in 
reuenge,and yet not haue them from Yarmouth ; many coast 
towns besides it enterprising to curry, salt, and pickle vp 
herrings, but marre them, because they want the right feate 
how to salt and season them. So I coulde plucke a 15 
crowe wyth Poet Martialllox calling it putre halec^the scauld 
rotten herring, but he meant that of the fat reasty 
Scottish herrings, which will endure no salt, and in one 
moneth (bestow what cost on them you wil) waxe ramish 
if they be kept, whereas our embarreld white herrings, 20 
flourishing with the stately brand of Yarmouth vpon them, 
scilicet the three halfe Lions and the three halfe fishes with 
the crowne ouer the head, last in long voyages, better than 
the redde herring, and not onely are famous at Roan^ Paris, 
Diepe, Cane (whereof the first, which is Roan, serueth all the 25 
high countries of Fraunce with it, and Diepe, which is the 
last saue one, victualles all Picardy with it), but heere 
at home is made account of like a Marquesse, and receiued 
at court right solemnly : I care not much if I rehearse to 
you the maner, and that is thus. 30 

Euery yeare about Lent tide, the sherifes of Norwich 
K 4V bake certayne herring pies (foure and twenty, as | I take it) 
and send them as a homage to the Lorde of Caster hard by 
there, for lands that they hold of him ; who presently vpo 
the like tenure, in bouncing hampers, couered ouer with 35 
his cloth of armes, sees them conueyed to the court in the 
la hane] Qy, read had / ai flonrithiDg them with Gro, 



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THE RED HERRING 223 

best equipage: at court when they are arriued, his man 
rudely enters not at first, but knocketh very ciuilly, and 
then officers come and fetch him in with torch light, where 
hauing disfraughted and vnloaded his luggage, to supper he 

5 sets him downe like a Lord, with his waxe lights before 
him, and hath his messe of meate allowed him with the 
largest, & his horses {qmUetms horses) are prouendred as 
epicurely: after this, some foure marke fee towardes his 
charges is tendred him, and hee iogges home againe 

10 merrily. 

A white pickled herring? why, it is meate for a Prince. 
Haunce Vanderuecke of Roterdame (as a dutch Post 
informed me) in bare pickled herring layd out twenty 
thousand pound the last fishing : hee had lost his drinking 

15 belike, and thought to store himselfe of medicines enow to 
recouer it. 

Noble Csesarean Charlemaine herring, Plinie and Gesner 
were too blame they sluberd thee ouer so n^ligently. I do 
not see why any man should enuy thee, since thou art none 

ao of these lurcones or efulones, glutds or fleshpots of Egjrpt 
(as one that writes of the christians captiuity vnder the 
Turke enstileth vs English m€), nor liuest thou by the 
vnlyuing or euiscerating of others, as most fishes do, or by 
any extraordinary filth whatsoeuer, but, as the Cameleon 

35 liueth by the ayre, and the Salamander by the fire, so 
onely by the water arte thou nourished, and nought else, 
and must swim as wel dead as aliue. 

Be of good cheere, my weary Readers, for I haue espied 
land, as Diogenes said to his weary SchoUers wh^ | he had L x 

30 read to a waste leafe. Fishermen, I hope, wil not finde 
fault with me for fishing before the nette, or making all 
fish that comes to the net in this history, since, as the 
Athenians bragged they were the first that inuented 
wrastling, and one Ericthonius amongst them that he was 

35 the first that io}aied horses in collar couples for drawing, so 

ai Christians Gro. 21 Yiilyming Gro, 30 awaste Q, 

33 bragged, they Grv* 34 wrastling : and Q, Gro, 



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a24 THE PRAYSE OF 

I am the first that euer sette quill to paper in prayse of 
any fish or fisherman. 

Not one of the Poets aforetime could giue you or the sea 
a good word : Ouid sayth, Nimium ne credite ponto^ the sea 
is a slippery companion, take heed how you trust him: 5 
And fiirdier, Periurij pctnas repetit Hie locus^ it is a place 
like Hel, good for nodiing but to punish periurers; with 
innumerable inuectiues more against it throughout in 
euery booke. 

Plautus in his Rudens bringeth in fishermen cowthring lo 
and quaking, dung wet after a storme, and complaining 
their miserable case in this forme, Captamus cibum i nuxri; 
si euenius nan venit^ neque quicguam captum est ptsdum^ 
salsi iatiti^domum reditnus ctanculum^ dormimus incomad: 
All the meate that we eate we catch out of the sea, 15 
and if there wee misse, wel washed and salted, wee sneake 
home to bed supperlesse: and vpon the taile of it hee 
brings in a parasite that flowteth and bourdeth them thus : 
Heus vos famUica gens hominum vt vimtis f vt peritis t 
hough, you hungerstarued g^ubbins or offalles of men, how ao 
thriue you, howe perish you? and they, cringing in their 
neckes, like rattes smothered in the holde, poorely repli- 
cated, Viuimus fame^ spe^, siti^ with hunger, and hope, 
and thirst wee content our selues. If you would not 
misconceit that I studiously intended your defamation, you h 
shoulde haue thicke haileshot of these. 

Not the lowsie riddle wherewith fishermen constrayned 
Liy(some say) Horner^ some say another Philo-|sopher, to 
drowne hymselfe, because he could not expound it, but 
should be dressed and set before you supemagulum^ with 30 
eight score more galliarde crosse-po}mts, and Idckshi- 
winshes of giddy eare-wig brains, were it not I thought 
you too fretfull and choUericke with feeding altogether 
on salt meates, to haue the secrets of your trade in publique 
displayed. Will this appease you, that jrou are the prede- 35 
cessors of the Apostles, who were poorer Fishermen than 

\\clanculmnQ, MccmtUmmQ, i^viuUisvtQm 



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THE RED HERRING aas 

ytm, fhat for your seeing wonders in the deepe, you may 
be die sonnes and heires of the Prophet lonas, that you are 
all Caualiers and Gentlemen since the king of fishes 
vouchsafed you for his subiects, that for your selling 

S smoake you may be courtiers, for your keeping of fasting 
dayes Friar Obseruants, and lastly, that, looke in what 
Towne there is the signe of the three mariners, the 
huife-cappest drink in that house you shal be sure of 
alwayes? 

to No more can I do for you than I haue done, were 
you my god-children euery one: God make you his 
children and keepe you from the Dunkerks, and then 
I doubt not but when you are driuen into harbour by foule 
weather, the kannes shall walke to the health of Noshes 

15 Lenten-stuffe and the praise of the redde Herring, and euen 
those that attend vppon the pitch-kettle will bee druncke 
to my good fortunes and recommendums. One boone you 
must not refuse mee in^ (if you be boni socij and sweete 
Oliuers,) that you let not your rustie swordes sleepe in 

so their scabberds, but lash them out in my quarrdl as hotely 
as if you were to cut cables or hew the main mast ouer 
boord, when you heare mee mangled and tome in mennes 
mouthes about this playing with a shettlecocke, or tossing 
empty bladders in the ayre. 

J5 Alas, poore hungerstarued Muse, wee shall haue | some L a 
spawne of a goose-quill or ouer wome pander quirking and 
girding, was it so hard driuen .that it had nothing to feede 
vpon but a redde herring ? another drudge of the pudding 
house (all whose lawfull meanes to liue by throughout the 

^ whole yeare will scarce purchase him a redde herring) sdiytM 
I might as well haue writte of a d(^[ges turde (in his teeth 
surreuerence). But let none of these scumme of the sub- 
vrbs be too vineger tarte with mee ; for if they bee. He 
take mine oath vppon a redde herring and eate it, to 

35 prooue that their fathers, their grandfathers, and their 
great grandfathers, or any other of their kinne, were 
35 tnd thdt Q. 
Ill Q 



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226 THE PRAYSE OF THE RED HERRING 

scullions dishwash, & durty draffe and swil, set against 
a redde herring. The puissant red herrings the golden 
Hesperides red herring, the Meonian red herring, the red 
herring of red Herrings Hal, euery pr^^nant peculiar of whose 
resplendent laude and honour to delineate and adumbrate 5 
to the ample life were a woorke that would drinke drie foure- 
score and dghteene Castalian fountaines of eloquence, con- 
sume another Athens of £picunditie, and abate the haughtiest 
poeticall fury twixt this and the burning Zone and the 
tropike of Cancer. My conceit is cast into a sweating 10 
sickenesse, with ascending these few steps of his renowne ; 
into what a hote broyling saint Laurence feuer would it 
relapse then, should I spend the whole bagge of my winde 
in climbing vp to the lofty mountaine creast of his trophees ? 
But no more winde will I spend on it but this : Saint Denis i^ 
for Fraunce, Saint lames for Spaine, Saint 
Patrike for Ireland, Saint George for 
England, and the red Herring 
for Yarmouth. 

(V) 



FINIS. 



e knde] J7«rA> *, HaH.* ctiy., HUuU, Gn. : landc Q, Hart*. 



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SVMMERS LAST WILL AND 
TESTAMENT 

Entry in the Stanoneri Roister : 

a8 octobris [1600] 

master burby Entred for their copie vnder th[e] handes 
Walter burre of master harsnet and the Wardens. A 
booke called Sommers last Will and testa- 
ment presented by William Sommers . . yj* 
(5. R., ed. Arber, iii. 175.) 

Editions : (i) Early : 

J 600. A PLEASANT | Comedie, called | Summers laft 
will and I Tefianunt. \ Written by Thomas Nqfh. \ [device] 
I Imprinted at London by Simon Stafford^ \ for VfaUr 
Burre. \ i6oo. 

No colophon. Quarto. Not paged. 

CoUaHon : A*, B-H* (less C 3, C 4), I*. A I wanting, 

probably blank. (A 2) Title, v, blank. B < SVMMERS last wiU 
and Testament' Rom. andltcU. R-T. Snnuners last will | and Testa- 
ment. 

Leaves C and C 2 are independent, that is, not of one piece of paper, 
in all copies seen, showing that the whole sheet was printed and 
that then the last two leaves were for some reason or other cancelled. 

Signatures are in Roman, except those of £ 4, H i, of which the 
letters are Italic Leaves F 2, F 3, F 4 are signed D 2, D 3, D 4. All 
fourth leaves are signed. 

The following variations in title and signatures occur in the three 
copies at the British Museum (see under). Title : ^faier Burre a : 
VJ alter Burre h^o. Leaf F I is signed F in a : D in b, o. LeafB3 
is not signed in o. 

Q * 



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a%8 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Caick-w^ds: B I. tcaruy C I. doted D I. To £ I. To 
F I. take Gx. Yet HuBia$au I x.The 

Cc^ used: One in the British Museum (C. 34. d. 50), referred to as 
a. The other copies (163. d. 47) b, and (96. b. 17. (5.)) o, have also 
been occasionally consulted. Copy b was, a few months ago, rendered 
imperfect by the theft of leaves C i, C 2, D 3 and I x. I commend this 
observation to the notice of recent purchasers of a copy of the play. 

(2) Modern Editions : 

i8a5 (Coll.) A Select Collection of Old Plays. In twelve 
volumes. A New Edition: with Additional Notes and 
Corrections, by the late Isaac Reed, Octavius Gilchrist, and 
the Editor. London : Septimus Prowett. Vol. ix, pp. 1-80. 
In modem spelling. Edited by J. P. Collier, who prefixed a short 
introduction dealing with the author. Notes, textual and explanatory, 
are given at the foot of the page. This is the first appearance of the 
play in Dodsle/s Collection. 

1874 (Hazl.) A Select Collection of Old English Plays . • . 
Fourth edition . • • revised and enlarged, with the notes of 
all the commentators, and new notes by W. Carew Hazlitt 
. . . London : Reeves and Turner. Vol. viii, pp. 1-92. 

In modem spelling. This is essentially a reprint of Collier's edition, 
with all his notes and some additional ones. The quarto seems to have 
been occasionally referred to ^, but most of Collier's deviations from it 
are allowed to remain. 

1885 (Gra) The Complete Works of Thomas Nashe . . . 
edited by A. B. Grosart Vol. vi, pp. 81-170. 

In old spellmg. From a copy in the library of the Duke of Devon- 
shixe. In the arrangement as prose or verse Grosart's text is in general 
agreement with those of Collier and Mr. Hazlitt, and he also frequently 
follows them in italicizing quoted phrases and sometimes exclamations 
in the text which in the quarto are Roman '. He gives in footnotes 
most of the readings of the quarto which he rejects, as also a certain 
number of Collier's and Mr. Hazlitt's readings, as those of ' modem 
editors.' It may be observed that several readings so described are to 
be found in Mr. Hazlitt's text alone. The lines are numbered straight 
through, generally, but not always, omitting the stage-directions. 

^ See, at least, the foot-note to L 1251. Mr. Hailitt't ' each' may, however, 
be a guess. Ct also 1. 476, where ' soime ' is qnoted from Q, 
* No notice hat been taken of this in the collation. 



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AND TESTAMENT nag 

1904. (The present edition.) 

From the copy in the British Museum as specified above* I have 
attempted to give aU Grosart's readings and also all those of Mr. Haz- 
litt with the exception of a few which seemed to be certainly misprints ^« 
Colliei's text has been used to compare with Mr. Hazlitt*s in order to 
make the collations complete, bat readings occurring in his text alone 
are not necessarily given. Modernizations and slight changes, such as 
' hundred ' for * hundreth/ < burden ' for ' burthen,' ' 'gamst ' for ' gainst,' 
* farthest ' for ' furthest,* have been ignored, but I have thought it use- 
ful to give fhe readings of the modem-spelling editions in several cases in 
which there seemed a possible doubt as to what form the modernization 
would take. The punctuation of the original is very bad, and editors 
have varied considerably in their treatment of it. It has been of course 
impossible to record all the variants, but I believe that all of the least 
significance have been given. 

In the prose speeches of certain characters, especially of Vertumnus 
and Will Summer, there occur a number of snatches of rime which in 
the quarto are printed as prose. When these are of any length it is 
evidently better to print them as verse, as is, I believe, the practice ctf 
all modem editors in similar cases, except, oi course, when their text is 
intended as a type-£EU3imile. When, however, we have simply a couple 
of lines riming together, and when, as often occurs, these lines are of 
such unequal length or so dissimilar in rhythm that we can hardly 
Suisse them to have been borrowed from even the roughest and most 
irregular of ballads or popular rimes, it is by no means easy to know 
how to treat them. After some hesitation I have followed eariier 
editors in printing the more metrical passages as verse, while, of course, 
noting in every instance the departure from the arrangement of the 
quarto. I would plead in justification the unpleasant effect of the 
occurrence, in what is apparently intended for prose, of rimes or of lines 
which are evidently metricaL 

In the quarto some of the songs and a few stage-directions are 
printed in larger type than the body of the text Of this no notice has 
been taken. 

In numbering the lines it has been impossible to follow Grosart, as 
not only is his numbering fiu- from regular, but the length of the lines in 
the prose speeches differs considerably in the two editions. 

^ It if not, of come, pretended that all the readings given from Collier or 
Mr. Hazlitt are to be regarded as intentional emendanons on the part of these 
editors, for there are numy which it appears qnite impossible so to consider. 
It seeined, however, better to err 00 the tide <» making the collarion too foil 
than too scanty. 



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A PLEASANT 

Comedie > called 

Siunmers laft willand 




for yraterBare, ^ 



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DRAMATIS PERSONAE 



with Satyrs 

and Wood-nymphs. 



Will Summer. 

Summer, 

Autumn, 

Winter, 

Vertumnus,, 

Ver, with his Train. 

Solstitium, with Shepherds. 

Sol, with a Noise of Musitians. 

Orion, with Huntsmen. 

Harvest, with Reapers. 

Bacchus, with his Companions. 

Christmas, \ ^ Txr..,«,«« 

BaCKWINT^R.}*'^*' WINTER. 

Boy with an Epilc^e. 

Morris dancers, with the 

Hobby-horse. 
Three Clowns. 
Three Maids. 

dramatis PERSONAE] No list 0/ characUrs in Q, Gro. Given 
in CoU,^ HoMLf wkicA, however ^ omit the Train of Ver, the Shepherdi, the 
Musitians, and the Companions of fiacchns. / have rearranged the hstf 
/lacing the chief characters in the order of their entry and giving their at- 
tendants with them, instead of at the end as in Coll,, ifoMl, 



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SVMMERS B. 

last will and Testament. 

Enter Will Summers in his fooles coate but 
halfe on^ camming out. 

NOctem peccatis, &fraudibus obiice nubem. There is 
no such fine time to play the knaue in as the night. 
I am a Goose, or a Ghost at least ; for what with 
turmoyle of getting my fooles apparell, and care of being 

5 perfit, I am sure I haue not yet supt to night Will 
Summers Ghost I should be, come to present you with 
Summers last will and Testament Be it so, if my cousin 
Ned will lend me his Chayne and his Fiddle. Other 
stately pac't Prologues vac to attire themselues within: 

lo I, that haue a toy in my head more then ordinary, and vse 
to goe without money, without garters, without girdle, with- 
out a hat-band, without poynts to my hose, without a knife 
to my dinner, and make so much vse of this word without 
in euery thing, will here dresse me without. Dick Huntley 

15 cryes, B^n, begin : and all the whole house, For shame, 
come away ; when I had my things but now brought me 
out of the Lawndry. God forgiue me, I did not see my 
Lord before. He set a good face on it, as though what 
I had talkt idly all this while were my part. So it is, boni 

so viri^ that one foole presents another ; and I, a foole by 
nature, and by arte, do speake to you in the person of 
the Idiot our Playmaker. He, like a Foppe & an Asse, 

8.D. Summers] Summir CM., HomI. In Qthi nams Meats sometimes as 
* Summers \ at others as * Summer' : there being no meam ofdetermimngwhuk 
form the author intended to use I foliow the spelling of Q in each peSHcular 
instance. Collier printed * Summer* throughout i Hazlitt has Summer in 
the text. Will Sum. as speakef^s name, 7 Summers . . . TesUmeot] 

« Summer's . . . Testament" Ha^L 11-9 without hat-band Co//., HaMl. 17 
Jjomndry. — [Mt Lord has entered] — God Gro. 19 paxt^ — [Addresses the 

audience more formaUj]— So it is, Gro* 22 idiot of our Coll^ HomL 



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^34 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

must be making himselfe a publike laughing stock, & haue 
no thanke for his labor; where other Magisterij\ whose 
inuention is farre more exquisite, are content to sit still and ts 
B i^ doe nothing. He shewe you what a | scuruy Prolcgtu he 
had made me, in an old yzynt of similitudes : if you bee 
good fellowes, giue it the hearing, that you may iudge 
of him thereafter. 

The Prologue. 

AT a solemne feast of the Triumuiri in Rome, it was lo 
seene and obserued that the birds ceased to sing, 
& sate solitarie on the house tops, by reason of the 
Sight of a paynted Serpgt set openly to view. So fares it 
with vs nouices, that here betray our imperfections: we, 
afraid to looke on the imaginary serpent of Enuy, paynted 35 
in mens affections, haue ceased to tune any musike of 
mirth to your eares this tweluemonth, thinking that, as it is 
the nature of the serpent to hisse, so childhood and ignorance 
would play the goslings, contemning and condemning what 
they vnderstood not. Their censures we wey not, whose 40 
sences are not yet vnswadled. The little minutes will 
be continually striking, though no man regard them. 
Whelpes will barke before they can see, and striue to hyt^ 
before they haue teeth. Politianus speaketh of a beast 
who, while hee is cut on the table, drinketh, and represents 45 
the motions & voyces of a lining creature. Such like 
foolish beasts are we, who, whilest we are cut, mocked, 
& flowted at, in euery mans common talke, will notwith- 
standing proceed to shame our selues, to make sport No 
man pleaseth all ; we seeke to please one. Didymus wrote 50 
foure thousand bookes, or, as some say, six thousand, of 
the arte of Grammar. Our Authour hopes it may be 
as lawfuU for him to write a thousand lines of as light 
a subiect Socrates (whom the Oracle pronounced the 

19 No spaci abcroi or hthw * Tki Prologiu ' in Q. 39 gosling CoU., 

Na%l. 40 mdenUnd Gro. 51 of] on Coil., Hatl. 



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AND TESTAMENT 235 

S5 wisest man of Greece) sometimes daunced. Sdpio and 
Lelius by the seaside played at peeble-stone Semel 
insaniuimus omnes. Euery man cannot, with Archimedes^ 
make a heauen of brasse ; or dig gold out of the iron mynes 
of the lawe. Such odde trifles as Mathematicians experi- 

60 ments be, Artifidall flyes to hang in thea)rreby themselues, 
daunsing balles, an egge-shell that shall clyme vp to the 
top of a speare, fiery breathing goares, Poeta nosier 
professeth not to make. Placeat sUn quisq; licebiU What's 
a foole but his bable ? Deepe reaching wits, heere is no 

65 deepe | streame for you to angle in. Moralizers, you that B a 
wrest a neuer meant meaning out of euery thing, applying 
all things to the present time, keepe your attention for the 
common Stage : for here are no quips in Characters for 
you to reade. Vayne glozers, gather what you will. Spite, 

70 spell backwards what thou canst As the Parthians fight, 
flying away, so will wee prate and talke, but stand to 
nothing that we say. 

How say you, my masters, doe you not laugh at him 
for a Coxcombe ? Why, he hath made a Prologue longer 

75 then his Play : nay, 'tis no Play ne3rther, but a shewe. He 
be swome, the ligge of Rowlands God-sonne is a Gyant in 
comparison of it. What can be made of Summers last will 
& Testament ? Such another thing as Gyllian of Brayn^ 
fords will, where shee bequeathed a score of farts amongst 

80 her friends. Forsooth, because the plague raignes in most 
places in this latter end of summer, Summer must come in 
sicke : h« must call his officers to account, yeeld his throne 
to Autumne, make Winter his Executour, with tittle tattle 
Tom boy : God giue you good night in Watling street. 

85 I care not what I say now, for I play no more then you 

58 bnttse, or Q, ColL^ Hod, 59 trifles, as Q, Gro. 59-60 experiments 
be artificial HomI, : experiments, be Artifidall Gro. 6s goares] boares Gro. : 
goates Gro, conj, Qy, read gourdes f 70 backward Coll,, HomI, 70-a 

As . . .] Perhaps meant as verse, 7a say. J After this^ Grosart adds [End of 
PROLOOUB.] and leaves a space before conSinuifig with How say you. No break 
oxeept new par, in Q : slight space in Coll., HomL 78-9 Braynfords\ Brent- 
ford's Had, 84-5 Tom-boy. God . . . street ; I CoU,^ Had, : Tom boy. 
God . . . street. I Gro, 85 what yon say Coll., Had. 



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236 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

heare; & some of fhat you heard to (by your leaue) 
was extempore. He were as good haue let me had the 
best part ; for He be reueng'd on him to the vttermost, in 
this person of Wilt Summer , which I haue put on to play 
the Prologue^ and meane not to put off till the play 90 
be done. He sit as a Chorus^ and flowte the Actors and 
him at the end of euery Sceane : I know they will not 
interrupt me, for feare of marring of all : but looke to jrour 
cues, my masters ; for I intend to play the knaue in cue, 
and put you besides all your parts, if you take not the 95 
better heede. Actors^ you Rogues, come away, cleare 3^ur 
throats, blowe your noses, and wype your mouthes ere yoa 
enter, that you may take no occasion to spit or to cough, 
when you are non plus. And this I barre, ouer and besides : 
That none of you stroake your beardes to make action, 100 
play with your cod-piece poynts, or stSd fumbling on 3^Qr 
buttons, when you know not how to bestow your fingers* 
Seme God, and act cleanly ; a fit of mirth, and an old song 
first, if you will. | 

B av Enter Summer ^ leaning on Autumnes and Winters shoulders^ 
and attended on with a trayne of Satyrs and wood^ 
Nymphs^ singing : Vertumnus also following him. 

Fayre Summer droops^ droope men and beasts therefore: 105 
So fayre a summer looke for neuer more. 
All good things vanish^ lesse then in a day^ 
Peace ^ plenty^ pleasure^ sodainely decay. 

Goe not yet away^ bright soule of the sad yeare; 

The earth is hell when thou leau*st to appeare. no 

What^ shall those flowres that deckt thy garland erst^ 
Vpon thy graue be wastfuUy disperstt 



86 to[o] Gro. 90 pnt it off Cell, Heal 91 scene. I CoU,. ffaaL 

97 ere] CoU.^Haxl : e're Q, Gro, 104 8.D. Vertumtms, . . kim\addtd 

in Gro, : om. Q, CoU., lituU,^ but Collier notes that Vertumnus enters at the 
same time, i lo-i No space between stasuuu in Q, 



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AND TESTAMENT 437 

O trees t consume your sap in sort owes sourse ; 
Streames^ fume to tear es your tributary course. 
XX5 Goe not yet kence^ bright souU of the sad yeare; 
The earth is hell, when thou Uanist to appeare. 

The Satyrs and wood^Nymphs goe out singings and leaue 
Summer and Winter and Autumne^ with Vertumnus^ 
on the stage. 

Will. Summer. A couple of pratty boyes, if they would 

wash their faces, and were well breecht an houre or two. 

The rest of the greene men haue reasonable voyces, good 
xao to sing catches, or the great lowben by the fires side, in a 

winters euening. But let vs heare what Summer can say 

for himselfe, why hee should not be hist at 

Summer. What pleasure alway lasts ? no ioy endures : 

Summer I was, I am not as I was; 
Its Haruest and age haue whit'ned my greene head : 

On Autumne now and Winter must I leane. 

Needs must he fall, whom none but foes vphold. 

Thus must the happiest man haue his bladce day : 

Omnibus vna manet nox, & cakanda semel via lethi. 
130 This month haue I layne languishing a bed. 

Looking eche houre to yeeld my life and throne; 

And dyde I had in deed vnto the earth. 

But that Elutc^ Englands beauteous Queene, 

On whom all seasons prosperously attend, 
155 Forbad the execution of my fate, | 

Vntill her ioyfuU progfresse was expired. ^3 

For her doth Summer Hue, and linger here, 

And wisheth long to liue to her content: 

But wishes are not had when they wish well. 
140 1 must depart, my death-day is set downe : 

To these two must I leaue my wheaten crowne. 

116 S.D. with Vertumnus] added in Gro. : am. QtCoU,^ HcuU, 117 pretty 
HanL 118 breech'd in an C0//., HanL 133 always CoU.^ HomL 124 
Summer I am C«//., HasU. as] what ColU^ HomI. ia6 must 11 1 must 

CM, HoMl. 139 ^^' (?• 139 weU, CW/.: well: HomL : well; Gr9. 



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238 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

So vnto vnthrifts rich men leaue their lands, 

Who in an houre consume long labours gaynes. 

True is it that diuinest Sidney sung, 

O^ he is mard^ that is for others made, M5 

Come neere, my friends, for I am neere my end. 

In presence of this Honourable trayne, 

Who loue me (for I patronize their sports), 

Meane I to make my finall Testament: 

But first He call my officers to count, 150 

And of the wealth I gaue them to dispose. 

Known what is left, I may know what to g^ue. 

Vertumnus then, that tumst the yere about. 

Summon them one by one to answere me; 

First, Ver^ the spring, vnto whose custody 155 

I haue committed more then to the rest: 

The cho3^e of all my fragrant meades and flowres, 

And what delights soe're nature affords. 

Vertum, I will, my Lord. Ver, lusty Ver^ by the name 
of lusty Ver^ come into the court ! lose a marke in issues, i^ 

Enter Ver with his trayne, ouerlayd with suites of greene 
mosse^ representing short grasse^ singing. 

The Song. 

Springs the sweete springs is the yeres pleasant King^ 
Then bloomes eche things then maydes daunce in a ring^ 
Cold doeth not stingy the pretty birds doe sing^ 
CuckoWi iugge^ iugge^ pu we^ to witta woo. 

The Palme and May make countrey houses gay^ 165 

Lambs friske and play^ the Shepherds pype cUl day^ 
And we heare aye birds tune this merry lay^ 
Cuckow^ iugge, iugge^ pu we^ to witta woo. \ 

150 'count CoU,^ ffaMi,^ Gro. 15a Know[n] Gro, : Know Q, ColL, HomL 
1^ I] Cott., Gro, : left. I Q. : left I HomI. Hue.] CoU, : gine Q, ffaid. : 

give. — Gro, 153 about,] CoU,, fflul,, Gro, : about Q, 160 conrt, lote 
Q, Qy. readcoxat, or losef 164, 168, 171 pu^we {in each cau) HomI. 

io-witf tO'whco {in each case) HasL 1^4-5 ^p ^P^ce between the statuas 

in Q, 167 we heare] hear we CoU,, HagI, 



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AND TESTAMENT ^39 

The fields breathe sweete^ the dayxies kisse cur feete^ B 3^ 

170 Yaufig lauers meete^ old wiues a sunning sit; 
In euery streete^ these tunes cur eares doe greete^ 
Cuckcw^ iugge^ iugge^ pu we^ tc witta wco. 
Springs the sweete spring. 

Will Summer. By my troth, they haue voyces as cleare 
175 as Christall : this is a pratty thing, if it be for nothing but 
to goe a begging with. 

Summer. Beleeue me, Ver^ but thou art pleasant bent ; 
This humor should import a harmlesse minde: 
Knowst thou the reason why I sent for thee? 
180 Ver. No, faith, nor care not whether I do or no. 
If you will daunce a Galliard, so it is : if not, 

Falangtado, Falangtado, to weare the blacke and yellow: 

Falangtado, FalSgtado, my mates are gone. He foUowe. 

Summer. Nay, stay a while, we must confer and talke. 
185 Ver^ call to mind I am thy soueraigne Lord, 
And what thou hast, of me thou hast and holdst 
Vnto no other end I sent for thee. 
But to dem^und a reckoning at thy hands. 
How well or ill thou hast imployd my wealth. 
190 Ver. If that be all, we will not disagree : 

A cleane trencher and a napkin you shall haue presently. 

Will Summer. The truth is, this fellow hath bin a tapster 
in his dales. 

Ver gees in^ andfetcheth cut the Hobby horse & the morris 
daunce^ who daunce about. 

Summer. How now ? is this the reckoning we shall haue ? 

195 Winter, My Lord, he doth abuse you : brooke it not. 

Autumne. Summa totalis^ I feare, will proue him but 

a foole. 
Ver. About, about, liudy, put your horse to it, reyne 

177 Summers Q. i8a-3 Falmngtado . . . fbllowe.] as iwo lines ofvirse^ Gro. : 
asprose^ Q : as four lims ofverse^ dividing bifon to and my, CoU.^ HaiU 



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HO SVMMERS LAST WILL 

him harder, ierke him with your wand, sit fast, «t fast, man ; 
foole, hold vp your bable there. 

Will Summer. O braue hall ! O, well sayd, butcher, mo 
Now for the credit of Wostershire. The finest set of Morris- 
dauncers that is betweene this and Stretham : mary, me 
B4 thinks there is | one of them dauceth like a Clothyers horse, 
with a wool-pack on his backe. You, friend with the 
Hobby-horse, goe not too fast, for feare of wearing out my S05 
Lords tyle-stones with your hob-nayles. 

Ver. So, so, so; trot the ring twise ouer, and away. 
May it please my Lord, this is the grand capitall summe ; 
but there are certayne parcels behind, as you shall see. 

Summer. Nay, nay, no more ; for this is all too much, axo 

Ver. Content your selfe, we'le haue variety. 

Here enter 3. Clottmes^ & 3. matds^ singi$9g this sang^ 
daunsing. 

Trip and goe^ heaue and hoe^ 
Vp and downe^ to and fro^ 
From the towne to the groue^ 
Two and two let vs roue 115 

A Mayings a playing: 
Loue hath no gainsaying: 
So merrily trip and goe. 

Will Summer. Beshrew my heart, of a number of ill legs 
I neuer sawe worse daunsers : how blest are you, that the lao 
wenches of the parish doe not see you I 

Summer. Presumptuous Ver^ vnduill nurturde boy, 
Think'st I will be derided thus of thee? 
Is this th' account and reckoning that thou mak'st? 

Ver. Troth, my Lord, to tell you pla3me, I can giue you %%% 
no other account : nam qux habui^ perdidi ; what I had, I 
haue spent on good fellowes ; in these sports you haue seene, 
which are proper to the Spring, and others of like sort (as 

190 btble] Gro. : kdle Q, CoU., SomI. aoo HaU SsMi. Qy. rmdtkitmmd 
Batcher/ aa6-7 Itpent/Tai/. 



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AND TESTAMENT 241 

gluing wenches greene gownes, making garlands for Fencers, 

a$o and trickily vp children gay) haue I bestowde all my flowry 
treasure, and flowre of my )routlL 

Will Summer. A small matter. I knowe one spent, in 
lesse then a yere, eyght and fifty pounds in mustard, and an 
other that ranne in det, in the space of foure or fine yeere, 

935 aboue foureteene thousand pound in lute strings and gray 
paper. 

Summer. O monstrous vnthrifk, who e're heard the like ? 
The seas vast throate, in so short tract of time, | 
Deuoureth nor consumeth halfe so much. B4'' 

340 How well mightst thou haue liu'd within thy bounds I 

Ver. What talke you to me of lining within my bounds? 

I tell you, none but Asses Hue within their bounds: the 

silly beasts, if they be put in a pasture that is eaten bare to 

the very earth, & where there is nothing to be had but thistles, 

345 will rather fall soberly to those thistles, and be hungerstaru'd, 
then they will offer to breake their bounds ; whereas the 
lusty courser, if he be in a barrayne plot, and spye better 
grasse in some pasture neere adioyning, breakes ouer hedge 
and ditch, and to goe, e'er he will be pent in, and not haue 

350 his belly full. Peraduenture the horses lately swome to be 
stolne carried that youthfuU mind, who, if they had bene 
Asses, would haue bene yet extant. 

Will Summers. Thus we may see, the longer we line, 
the more wee shall leame: I ne're thought honestie an 

355 asse, till this day. 

Ver. This world is transitory ; it was made of nothing, 
and it must to nothing : wherefore, if wee will doe the will 
of our high Creatour (whose will it is, that it passe to 
nothing), wee must helpe to consume it to nothing. Gold 

a6o is more vile then men : Men dye in thousands, and ten 
thousands, yea, many times in hundreth thousands, in one 
battaile. If then the best husband bee so liberall of his 
best handyworke, to what ende should we make much 
of a glittering excrement, or doubt to spend at a banket as 
350 beUyfol CoU^ HomI. 36a bee] hat been Coll.. HomI, 

ni R 



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a4a SVMMERS LAST WILL 

many pounds as he spends men at a battaile? Me thinkes 365 
I honour Geta^ the Romane Emperour, for a braue minded 
fellow : for he commaunded a banket to bee made him of 
all meats vnder the Sunne ; which were senied in after the 
order of the Alphabet ; and the Clarke of the Idtchin, 
following the last dish (which was two mile off from the 270 
formost), brought him an Index of their seuerall names : 
Ne3rther did he pingle when it was set on the boord, 
but for the space of three dayes and three nights neuer rose 
from the Table. 

Will Summers. O intolerable l)ring viUajme, that was 275 
neuer begotten without the consent of a whetstone ! | 
C I Summer, Vngjratious man, how fondly he arg^eth ! 

Ver. Tell me, I pray, wherefore was gold layd vnder 
our feeto in the veynes of the earth, but that wee should 
contemne it, and treade vpon it, and so consequently treade aSo 
thrift vnder our feete? It was not knowne till the Iron 
age, donee f acinus inuasit mortcdes^ as the Poet sayes ; and 
the Scythians alwayes detested it. I will proue it, that an 
vnthrift, of any, comes neerest a happy man, in so much 
as he comes neerest to beggery. Cicero saith, summum 385 
bonum consistes in omnium rerum vacationer that it is the 
chiefest felicitie that may be, to rest from all labours. 
Now, who doeth so much vacare a rebus} who rests so 
much ? who hath so little to doe, as the begger ? 

Who can sing so merry a note, ^90 

As he that cannot change a groate? 

Cui nil est^ nil deest: hee that hath nothing, wants nothing. 
On the other side, it is said of the Carle, Omnia habeo^ nee 
guicquam habeoi I haue all things, yet want euery thing. 
Multi mihi vitio vertunt^ quia egeo^ saith Marcus Cato 295 
in Aulus Gellius, at ego illisy quia nequeunt egere: Many 
vpbrayde me, sayth he, because I am poore : but I vp- 

970 mfles CoU.^ Hofl. 286 vacatiofu, that ii, the Coll., J/iul, a87 be 
to ColL, Hati. apo-i Who . . . groate f] as verst^ Gro, : as prose, Q, CW/., 
IfoMl, api as Q. 295 AfuUa GfV., noting MuUi as a misprini. 



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AND TESTAMENT a43 

brayd them, because they cannot Hue if they were poore. 
It is a common prouerbe, Diuesq; miserq;^ a rich roan, 

300 and a miserable : nam natura paucis cotenta, none so 
contented as the poore man. Admit that the chiefest 
happines were not rest or ease, but knowledge, as Herillus, 
Alcidamas, & many of Socrates followers affirme ; why, 
paupertas omnes perdocet artes^ pouerty instructs a man 

305 in all arts, it makes a man hardy and venturous ; and 
therefore it is called of the Poets, Paupertas audaXy valiant 
pouerty. It is not so much subiect to inordinate desires as 
wealth or prosperity. Non habet vnde stium paupertas 
pascat antorem: pouerty hath not wherewithal to feede 

310 lust. All the Poets were beggers : all Alcumists and all 
Philosophers are beggers : Omnia mea mecum porto^ quoth 
Bias, when he had nothing but bread and cheese in a 
letheme bagge, and two or three bookes in his bosome. 
Saint Frauncis, a holy Saint, & neuer had any money. 

315 It is madnes to dote vpon mucke. That young man 
of Athens (Aelianus makes mention of) may be an example 
to vs, who I doted so extremely on the image of Fortune C 1^ 
that, when hee might not inioy it, he dyed for sorrow. 
The earth yelds all her fruites together, and why should 

320 not we spend them together? I thanke heauens on my 
knees, that haue made mee an vnthrift 

Summer. O vanitie it selfel O wit ill spent I 
So studie thousands not to mend their Hues, 
But to maintayne the sinne they most affect, 

325 To be hels aduocates gainst their owne soules. 
Ver^ since thou giu'st such prayse to b^gery. 
And hast defended it so valiantly, 
This be thy penance ; Thou shalt neVe appeare, 
Or come abroad, but Lent shall wa}^e on thee: 

330 His scarsity may counteruayle thy waste. 
Ryot may flourish, but findes want at last. 



398 were] be ColL^ HomL 303 Alddamns ColL, HomI, 320 not we] 
we not Hau. 335 against Q : 'gainst Cdl^ HomL^ Gro. 

R9 



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244 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Take him away, that knoweth no good way, 

And leade him the next way to woe and want Exit Ver. 

Thus in the paths of knowledge many stray, 

And ffbm the meanes of life fetch their decay. 335 

Will Summer. Heigh ha Here is a coyle in deede 
to bring be^ers to stockes. I promise you truely, I was 
almost asleep ; I thought I had bene at a Sermon. Well, 
for this one nights exhortation, I vow (by Gods grace) 
neuer to be good husband while I Hue. But what is this to 340 
the purpose ? Hur come to Powl (as the Webhman sayes) 
andhur pay an halfepenny for hur seat^ and hur heare the 
Preacher talge^ and a talge very well, by gis ; but yet 
a cannot make hur laugh: goe x Theater, and heare 
a Queenes Fice, and he make hur laugh, and laugh hur 345 
belly-full. So we come hither to laugh and be merry, and 
we heare a filthy beggerly Oration in the prayse of b^[gery. 
It is a beggerly Poet that writ it : and that makes him so 
much commend it, because hee knowes not how to mend 
himselfe. Well, rather then he shall haue no imployment 350 
but licke dishes, I will set him a worke my selfe, to write in 
prayse of the arte of stouping, and howe there was neuer 
any famous Thresher, Porter, Brewer, Pioner, or Carpenter, 
c a that had streight backe. Repayre to my | chamber, poore 
fellow, when the play is done, and thou shalt see what 355 
I will say to thee. 

Summer. Vertumnus, call Solstitium. 

Vertum. Solstitium, come into the court. 

[ Without.] Peace there below ! make roome for master 
Solstitium. 360 

Enter Solstitium like an aged Hermit, carrying a payre 
of ballances, with an houre-glasse in eyther of them ; one 
houre-glasse white, the other blacke : he is brought in by 
a number of shepherds, playing vpon Recorders. 

^3 tmdhur talg ColL, Ha%L i^ m\toa ColL, Ha%L, Chv. : Qy. 

rtad tmt 35a was neaer] nerer was Coll,, Bead, 358-9 conit without : 
peace Q : court : without, peace CoU,^ HaxL : court :— without, peace Cro. 
\AU as part of Vertuttmu^ spetch. AgainU my rtmding cf. U. 634, 967.) 



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AND TESTAMENT 245 

Solstiiium. All hayle to Summer, my dread soue- 

raigne Lord. 
Summer. Welcome, Solstitium ; thou art one of them, 
To whose good husbandry we haue referred 
Part of those small reuenues that we haue. 
365 What hast thou gaynd vs? what hast thou brought in? 
Splstitium. Alas, my Lord, what gaue you me to 
keepe. 
But a fewe dayes eyes in my prime of youth ? 
And those I haue conuerted to white ha)rres : 
I neuer lou'd ambitiously to dyme, 
370 Or thrust my hand too farre into the fire. 
To be in heauen, sure, is a blessed thing; 
But, Atlas-like, to proppe heauen on ones backe 
Cannot but be more labour then delight. 
Such is the state of men in honour plac'd ; 
375 They are gold vessels made for serutle vses. 

High trees that keepe the weather from low houses, 
But cannot sheild the tempest from themsdues. 
I loue to dwell betwixt the hilles and dales; 
Neyther to be so great to be enuide, 
3SoNor yet so poore the world should pitie me. 
Inter vtrum^ tene^ medio tutissimus ibis. 

Summer. What doest thou with those ballances thou 

bearst? 
Solstitium. In them I we^h the day and night alike. 
This white glasse is the houre-glasse of the day, 
385 This blacke one the iust measure of the night; 
One more then other holdeth not a grayne: | 
Both seme times iust proportion to mayntayne. ^ ^^ 

Summer. I like thy moderation wondrous well; 
And this thy ballance, wayghing the white glasse 
390 And blacke with equall poyze and stedfast hand, 
A patteme is to Princes and great men, 
How to weigh all estates indifferently, 

367 day't-ejes CoU.^ HomL 389 Ulance wei^iiiig, the CoU., Cro. : 

bftUuioe-wdguiig, the IfaMi, 



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246 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

The Spiritualty and Temporalty alike: 

Neyther to be too prodigall of smyles, 

Nor too seuere in frowning without cause. 395 

If you be wise, you Monarchs of the earth, 

Haue two such glasses still before your eyes; 

Thinke as you haue a white glasse running on, 

Good dayes, friends fauor, and all things at beck. 

So, this white glasse runne out (as out it will), 400 

The blacke comes next ; your downfall is at hand : 

Take this of me, for somewhat I haue tr5^e ; 

A mighty ebbe foUowes a mighty tyde. 

But say, Solstitium, hadst thou nought besides? 

Nought but dayes eyes and faire looks gaue I thee? 405 

Solstitium. Nothing, my Lord, nor ought more did I aske. 

Summer. But hadst thou alwayes kept thee in my sight, 
Thy good deserts, though silent, would haue askt. 

Solsi. Deserts, my Lord, of ancient seruitours 
Are like old sores, which may not be ript vp: 410 

Such vse these times haue got, that none must b^, 
But those that haue young limmes to lauish fast 

Summer. I grieue no more regard was had of thee : 
A little sooner hadst thou spoke to me. 
Thou hadst bene heard, but now the time is past: 415 

Death wayteth at the dore for thee and me ; 
Let vs goe measure out our beds in clay: 
Nought but good deedes hence shall we beare away. 
Be, as thou wert,* best steward of my howres. 
And so retume vnto thy countrey bowres. 4*0 

Here Solstitium goes out with his musike, as he 
comes in. \ 

D I Will Summer. Fye, fye, of honesty, fye : Solstitium 
is an asse, perdy ; this play is a gally-maufrey : fetch mee 
some drinke, some body. What cheere, what cheere, my 
hearts ? are not you thirsty with listening to this dry sport ? 

39|p friends, favoar CW/., Ha%l, 405 day's-eyes CoU,^ Had. 420 

Toto] into Coll,, HomI, 431 fye of Q, 



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AND TESTAMENT 24? 

435 What haue we to doe with scales and hower-glasses, except 
we were Bakers or Clock-keepers ? I cannot tell how other 
men are addicted, but it is against my profession to vse any 
scales but such as we play at with a boule, or keepe any 
howers but dinner or supper. It is a pedanticall thing to 

430 respect times and seasons : if a man be drinking with good 
fellowes late, he must come home, for feare the gates be shut : 
when I am in my warme bed, I must rise to prayers, because 
the bell rings. I like no such foolish customes. Actors, 
bring now a black lack, and a nindlet of Renish wine, dis- 

435 puting of the antiquity of red noses ; let the prodigall childe 
come out in his dublet and hose all greasy, his shirt hanging 
forth, and ne're a penny in his purse, and talke what a fine 
thing it is to walke summerly, or sit whistling vnder a hedge 
and keepe hogges. Go forward in grace and vertue to 

440 proceed ; but let vs haue no more of these graue matters. 
Summer. Vertumnus, will Sol come before vs ? 
Vertumnus. Soi, Sol, z//, re, me^/oy sol, 

Come to church while the bell toll. 

Enter Sol, verie richfy cUtir'de, with a noyse of 
Musicians before him. 

Summer. I, marrie, here comes maiestie in pompe, 
445 Resplendent Sol, chiefe planet of the heauens : 
He is our seruant, lookes he ne're so big. 
Sol. My liege, what crau'st thou at thy vassals hands ? 
Summer. Hypocrisie, how it can change his shape! 
How base is pride from his owne dunghill put 1 
450 How I haue rais'd thee, Sol, I list not tell, 
Out of the Ocean of aduersitie. 
To sit in height of honors glorious heauen, 
To be the eye-sore of aspiring eyes ; | 

To giue the day her life from thy bright lookes, Di'' 

455 And let nought thriue vpon the face of earth, 

434 of of Renish Q. 436 ont] in Coll., Hcuti, 441 ti. Q, 442-3 
Sol . . . toll.] as vtrstt CoU,^ HomI.^ Gro, : as prose ^ Q, 44a Sol, sol ; ut, 

rty me Jo, sol! ColL : Sol, Sol ; ut, re, nU^fOy soil HomL : Sol, sol; Tt, re, mi, £s, 
sol, Gro. 443 come Q. S.D. Sol] SOLSTITIUM /faU. 



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a48 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

From which thou shalt withdraw thy powerful smiles. 

What hast thou done deseruing sudh hie grace? 

What industrie, or meritorious toyle, 

Canst thou produce, to proue my gift well plac'de? 

Some seruice or some profit I expect: 4^ 

None is promoted but for some respect 

SoL ilLy Lord, what needs these termes betwixt vs two? 
Vpbraiding ill beseemes your bounteous mind : 
I do you honour for aduancing me. 

Why, t'is a credit for your excellence, 4^5 

To haue so great a subiect as I am: 
This is your glorie and magnificence, 
That, without stouping of your mightinesse, 
Or taking any whit from your high state, 
You can make one as mightie as your selfe. 470 

Autumne. O arrogance exceeding all beliefe I 
Summer my Lord, this sawcie vpstart lacke. 
That now doth rule the chariot of the Sunne, 
And makes all starres deriue their light from him, 
Is a most base insinuating slaue, 475 

The Sonne of parsimony and disdaine, 
One that will shine on friends and foes alike. 
That vnder brightest smiles hideth blacke showers. 
Whose enuious breath doth dry vp springs and lakes, 
And bumes the grasse, that beastes can get no foode* 480 

Winter. No dunghill hath so vilde an excrement. 
But with his beames hee will forthwith exhale: 
The fennes and quag-myres tithe to him their filth: 
Foorth purest mines he suckes a gainefuU drosse: 
Greene luy-bushes at the Vintners doores 4S5 

He withers, and deuoureth all their sap. 

Autumne. Lasciuious and intemperate he is. 
The wrong of Daphne is a well knowne tale: 
Eche euening he descends to Thetis lap, | 
D a The while men thinke he bathes him in the sea. 490 

46a need ColL. HomL 476 sonne] son CoU,\ sum HomI, {^M^fidfy\ 

481 vile CoU,^ Ha%l. 48a forthwith] thenceforth CMf HomL 



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AND TESTAMENT a49 

O, but when he returneth whence he came 

Downe to the West, then dawnes his deity, 

Then doubled is the swelling of his lookes ; 

He ouerloades his carre with Orient gemmes, 
495 And reynes his fiery horses with rich pearle : 

He termes himselfe the god of Poetry, 

And setteth wanton songs vnto the Lute. 

Winter. Let him not talke ; for he hath words at will, 

And wit to make the baddest matter good. 
500 Summer, Bad words, bad wit : oh, where dwels faith or 
truth? 

HI vsury my fauours reape from thee, 

Vsurping Sol^ the hate of heauen and earth. 
Sol. If Enuy vnconfuted may accuse, 

Then Innocence must vncondemned dye. 
505 The name of Martyrdome offence hath gaynd, 

When fury stopt a froward ludges eares. 

Much He not say (much speech much folly shewes), 

What I haue done, you gaue me leaue to doe. 

The excrements you bred, whereon I feede, 
510 To rid the earth of their contagious fumes : 

With such grosse carriage did I loade my beames: 

I burnt no grasse, I dried no springs and lakes, 

I suckt no mines, I withered no greene boughea, 

But when, to ripen haruest, I was forc'st 
515 To make my rayes more feruent then I wont. 

For Daphnes wrongs, and scapes in Thetis lap, 

All Gods are subiect to the like mishap. 

Starres daily fall (t'is vse is all in all) 

And men account the fall but natures course: 
5X) Vaunting my iewels, hasting to the West, 

Or rising early from the gray ei'de mome, 

What do I vaunt but your large bountihood. 

And shew how liberall a Lord I serue? 

491 came, Q. 499 baddest] baldest ffoMi. 509 £eed; CM, HatL : 
feede Gro. 510 fiiines, ColUt Heil, : funes; Q. 511 beames, Q : beam C«//., 
HomL 51a lakes : Q : lakes; CoU,, HomI. 515 bongfaes. Q. 515 wont, Q. 



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250 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Musique and poetrie, my two last crimes, 
Are those two exercises of delight, | 5«5 

D 2" Wherewith long labours I doe weary out. 
The dying Swanne is not forbid to sing. 
The wanes of Heber playd on Orpheus strings, 
When he (sweete musiques Trophe) was destroyd. 
And as for Poetry, woods eloquence, 530 

(Dead Phaetons lliree sisters funerall teares 
That by the gods were to Electrum tumd,) 
Not flint, or rockes of Icy cynders fram'd, 
Deny the sourse of siluer-falling streames. 
Enuy enuieth not outcryes vnrest: 535 

In vaine I pleade ; well is to me a fault, 
And these my words seeme the slyght webbe of arte, 
And not to haue the taste of sounder truth. 
Let none but fooles be car'd for of the wise ; 
Knowledge owne children knowledge most despise. 540 

Sumer. Thou know'st too much to know to keepe 
the meane. 
He that sees all things oft sees not himselfe. 
The Thames is witnesse of thy tjrranny. 
Whose wanes thou hast exhaust for winter showres. 
The naked channell playnes her of thy spite, 545 

That laid'st her intrailes vnto open sight. 
Vnprofitably borne to man and beast, 
Which like to Nilus yet doth hide his head. 
Some few yeares since thou let'st o'reflow these walks. 
And in the horse-race headlong ran at race, 550 

While in a cloude thou hid'st thy burning face: 
Where was thy care to rid contagious filth. 
When some men wetshod (with his waters) droupt? 

528 Hebrns JIcuL 550 woods] wordi' ffaxl., ColL^ Gro. 533 ffint» 
or rock, of ColL : flint or rock, of Bazl, flam'd Nazi, 554 sonraej 
force C0U, canj.f Heal, 535 enuieth not] enjoyeth Hatl, ontcryesj 
poetry's HazL : poetryes Gro, 536 pleade, well, is Q, 537 sleight Haal, 
540 Knowledge^ C<>//., " " 



, BomL : Knowledge['s] Gro, 544 hast] dost CM,^ 

i : Gro. 547 Some C " " ' 
551 hidd'st Haul* ' iaoe. Coi/,, HomL, Gro, 



HoiL 546 sight : Gro, 547 borne CoU,^ HomI, 548 head. Gro, 



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AND TESTAMENT 251 

Others that ate the Eeles his heate cast vp 
555 Sickned and dyde, by them impoysoned. 

Sleep'st thou, or keep'st thou then Admetus sheepe, 

Thou driu'st not back these flowings to the deepe? 
SoL The winds, not I, haue floods & tydes in chase: 

Dianay whom our fables call the moone, 
560 Only commaundeth o're the raging mayne ; 

Shee leads his wallowing ofspring vp and downe ; | 

Shee waynihg^ all streames ebbe ; in the yeare D 3 

Shee was eclipst, when that the Thames was bare. 
Summer, A bare coniecture, builded on perhaps: 
565 In laying thus the blame vpon the moone, 

Thou imitat'st subtill Pithagoras^ 

Who, what he would the people should beleeue, 

The same he wrote with blood vpon a glasse, 

And tumd it opposite gainst the new moone; 
570 Whose beames, reflecting on it with flill force, 

Shewd all those lynes, to them that stood behinde. 

Most playnly writ in circle of the moone ; 

And then he said, Not I, but the new moone, 

Faire Cynthia^ perswades you this and that. 
575 With like collusion shalt thou not blind mee : 

But for abusing both the moone and mee. 

Long shalt thou be eclipsed by the moone. 

And long in darknesse liue, and see no light. 

Away with him, his doome hath no reuerse. 
580 Sol. What is eclipst will one day shine ag^ne: 

Though winter frownes, the Spring wil ease my paine. 

Time from the brow doth wipe out euery sta}me. 

Exit Sol. 
Will Summer, I thinke the Sunne is not so long in 

passing through the twelue signes, as the sonne of a 
585 foole hath bin disputing here about had I wist. Out of 

556 Slqjfft or Coll.: Sleptett, or HomI. kept'st Coll., Ha%l. 557 

droy'ft CoU., HomI. to] of CoU,, Head. 56a ebbe in the Q : 

ebb: in the Coll., ffcuU.: ebbe; in [most] the Gro, Qy. rtfA/ ebbe, as in the f 
yeoie: Qi year, Coll. 564 per-haps /^os/. 574 ttiat; Q. 



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a5i SVMMERS LAST WILL 

doubt, the Poet is bribde of some that haue a messe 
of creame to eate^ before my Lord goe to bed yet, to hold 
him halfe the night with riffe raffe of the nimming of 
Elanor. If I can tell what it meanes, pray god I may 
neuer get breakefast more, when I am hungry. Troth, 590 
I am of opinion he is one of those Hieroglificall writers, that, 
by the figures of beasts, planets, and of stones, expresse the 
mind, as we doe in A. B. C. ; or one that writes vnder 
hayre, as I haue heard of a certaine Notary Histiseus, who, 
following Darius in the Persian warres, and desirous to 595 
disclose some secrets of import to his friend Aristagoras^ 
that dwelt afarre off, found out this meanes: He had 
i> 3"" a seruant that had bene | long sicke of a payne in his 
eyes, whom, vnder pretence of curing his maladie, he 
shau'd from one side of his head to the other, and with 600 
a soft pensill wrote vpon his scalpe (as on parchment) the 
discourse of his busines, the fellow all the while imagining 
his master had done nothing but no}mt his head with 
a feather. After this, hee kept him secretly in his tent, till 
his hayre was somewhat growne, and then wil'd him to go 605 
to Aristagoras into the countrey, and bid him shaue 
him, as he had done, and he should haue perfit remedie. 
He did so ; Aristagoras shau'd him with his owne hands, 
read his friends letter, and when hee had done, washt 
it out, that no man should perceyue it else, and sent 610 
him home to buy him a night-cap. If I wist there were 
any such knauery^ or Peter Bales Brachigraphy^ vnder Sols 
bushy hayre, I would haue a Barber, my hoste of the 
Murrions head, to be his Interpretour, who would whet his 
rasor on his Richmond cap, and giue him the terrible cut, 615 
like himselfe, but he would come as neere as a quart pot to 
imberbi the Construction of it. To be sententious, not superfluous, 
j^^J^* Sol should haue bene beholding to the Barbour, and not 
Poet. the beard-master. Is it pride that is shadowed vnder this 

588 riffe, ntfTe, of Q : nff-rtff of Had. 59a planets] planto CoH^ HomL 
594 HisHmus\ ColL, Had,, Gro. : HistUns Q, 607 haue a perfit Cfro, 

018-9 not to the CdL, Had. 



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AND TESTAMENT 253 

6aotwo-I^d Sunne, that neuer came neerer heauen then 
Dubbers hill ? That pride is not my sinne, Slouens Holly 
where I was borne, be my record. As for couetousnes, 
intemperance, and exaction, I meet with nothing in a whole 
yeare but a cup of wine, for such vices to bee conuersant 

6j5 in. Pergite porro^ my good children, and multiply the 
sinnes of your absurdities, till you come to the full measure 
of the grand hisse, and you shall heare how we will purge 
rewme with censuring your imperfections. 
Summer. Vertumnus^ call Orion. 

630 Verium. Orian^ Vrian.Arion; 

My Lord thou must looke vpon : 
Orion, gentleman dogge-keeper, huntsman, come into the 
court: looke you bring all hounds, and no bandogges. 
Peace there, that we may heare their homes blow. 

Enter Orion like a kuntery with a home about his necke^ all 
his men after the same sort hallowing and blowing 
their homes. \ 

635 Orion. Sirra, wast thou that cal'd vs from our game ? d 4 
How durst thou (being but a pettie God) 
Disturbe me in the entrance of my sports? 

Summer. 'Twas I, Orion, caus'd thee to be calde. 
Orion. 'Tis I, dread Lord, that humbly will obey. 
640 Summer. How haps't thou leftst the heauens, to hunt 
below? 
As I remember, thou wert Hireus sonne, 
Whom of a huntsman loue chose for a starre, 
And thou art calde the Dog-starre, art thou not? 
Autumne. Pleaseth your honor, heauens circumference 
645 Is not ynough for him to himt and range. 

But widi those venome-breathed curres he leads, 
He comes to chase health from our earthly bounds: 
Each one of those foule-mouthed mangy dogs 



627 will] shall HoMl. 
aspros€, Q, 
Hyriens* 2^2is/, 



11 ffoM/. 630-1 Oriatt . . . ▼poo ilastfifUt CM, HomI^ Gro. : 
631 my Q. 635 was't Coll., Had. 641 Hyrens* CoU. x 
Hyr\f^ Gro. 644 Pleueth] Pleaae it Coll., HomL 



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254 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Goueraes a day, (no dog but hath his day,) 

And all the dales by them so goueraed, 650 

The Dog-dales hlght; infectious fosterers 

Of meteors from carrion that arise, 

And putrified bodies of dead men, 

Are Aey ingendred to that ougly shape, 

Being nought els but preseru'd corruption. 655 

T*is these that, in the entrance of their raigne. 

The plague and dangerous agues haue brought in. 

They arre and barke at night against the Moone, 

For fetching in fresh tides to cleanse the streetes. 

They vomit flames, and blast the ripened fruites : 660 

They are deathes messengers vnto all those 

That sicken while their malice beareth sway. 

Orion. A tedious discourse, built on no ground; 
A sillie fancie, Aufumne, hast thou told. 
Which no Philosophic doth warrantize, 665 

No old receiued poetrie confirmes. 
I will not grace thee by confuting thee ; 
Yet in a iest (since thou railest so gainst dogs) 
He speake a word or two in their defence : 
That creature 's best that comes most neere to men ; | 670 
l> 4^ That dogs of all come neerest, thus I proue : 
First, they excell vs in all outward sence. 
Which no one of experience will deny ; 
They heare, they smell, they see better then we. 
To come to speech, they haue it questionlesse, 675 

Although we vnderstand them not so well : 
They barke as good old Saxon as may be. 
And that in more varietie then we: 
For they haue one voice when they are in chase. 
Another, when they wrangle for their meate, 680 

Another, when we beate them out of dores. 
That they haue reason, this I will alleadge, 

651-3 Qf, readUght, infections foiteren; Off 655 but [iU-]preterT*d 

JffoML 66a hast thonl thoa hast Gr». 667 confntincfj refiitiiig 

CMf/foMi. 66S rail'st C«//., HomI. 670 men. Q. 674 we, Q. 



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Google 



AND TESTAMENT i&55 

They choose those things that are most fit for them, 
And shunne the contrarie all that they may ; 

685 They know what is for their owne diet best, 
And seeke about for't very carefully; 
At sight of any whip they runne away, 
As runs a thiefe from noise of hue and crie : 
Nor liue they on the sweat of others browes, 

690 But haue their trades to get their lining with, 
Hunting and conie-catching, two fine artes: 
Yea, there be of them, as there be of men, 
Of eucrie occupation more or Icsse : 
Some cariers, and they fetch: some watermen, 

695 And they will diue and swimme when you bid them : 
Some butchers, and they worrie sheep by n^ht: 
Some cookes, and they do nothing but tume spits. 
Chrisippus holds dogs are Logicians, 
In that, by studie and by canuasing, 

700 They can distinguish twixt three seuerall things: 
As when he commeth where three broad waies meet, 
And of those three hath staid at two of them. 
By which he gesseth that the game went not. 
Without more pause he runneth on the third ; 

705 Which, as Chrisippus saith, insinuates 
As if he reasoned thus within himselfe : | 
Eyther he went this, that, or yonder way, E 1 

But neyther that, nor yonder, therefore this. 
But whether they Logicians be or no, 

7ioCinicks they are, for they will snarle and bite; 
Right courtiers to flatter and to fawne; 
Valiant to set vpon the enemies. 
Most faithfull and most constant to their friends; 
Nay, they are wise, as Homer witnesseth, 

715 Who, talking of Vlisses comming home, 
Saith all his houshold but Argus^ his Dogge, 
Had quite forgot him; I, and his deepe insight, 

686 carefally. Q, 71a the] the[ir] /Ttfi^, Cro, 717 and]«m. 

HmLf Gro. 



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256 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Nor Pallas Art in altering of his shape, 

Nor his base weeds, nor absence twenty yeares, 

Could go beyond, or any way delude. 7'o 

That Dogges Phisicians are, thus I inferre ; 

They are ne're sicke, but they know their disease,' 

And finde out meanes to ease them of their griefe; 

Spedall good Suipons to cure dangerous wounds ; 

For strucken with a stake into the flesh, 7>5 

This policie they vse to get it out: 

They traile one of their feet vpon the ground. 

And gnaw the flesh about, where the wound is, 

Till it be deane drawne out: and then, because 

Vlcers and sores kept fowle are hardly cur'de, 730 

They licke and purifie it with their tongue: 

And well obserue Hipocrates old rule, 

TAe onely medicine for the foote is rest, 

For if they haue the least hurt in their feet, 

They beare them vp, and looke they be not stird: 735 

When humours rise, they eate a soueraigne herbe. 

Whereby what cloyes their stomacks they cast vp; 

And as some writers of experience tell, 

They were the first inuented vomitting. 

Sham'st thou not, Autumne, vnaduisedly 740 

To slander such rare creatures as they be? 

Summer. We cal'd thee not, Orion, to this end, | 
£ I'' To tell a storie of dogs qualities. 

With all thy hunting how are we inricht? 

What tribute payest thou vs for thy high place ? 745 

Orion. What tribute should I pay you out of nought? 
Hunters doe hunt for pleasure, not for gaine. 
While Dc^-dayes last the haruest safely thriues : 
The sunne bumes hot, to finish vp fruits g^outh: 
There is no bloud-letting to make men weake: 750 

Physicians with their Cataposia, 



718 of) am. ColL, HomI. 735 itricken Coll,, HomL 728 about 

wfa«i« Q, Coll,, Had. 731 toD|fae, C» Coll,, HomI,, Gro. 733 r€St: Q, 
Coa,, Had. 745 paj'st ColL, Had. 751 with] in CoU., HomL 



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AND TESTAMENT 257 

r. tittle Elinctoria 

Masticatarum and Cataplasmata\ 

Their Gaigarismes, Glisters, and pitcht clothes, 
755 Their perfumes, sirrups, and their triacles, 

Refraine to poyson tiie sicke patients, 

And dare not minister till I be out. 

Then none will bathe, and so are fewer drownd: 

All lust is perilsome, therefore lesse vs'de. 
760 In briefe, the yeare without me cannot stand : 

SummiTj I am thy staffe and thy right hand. 
Summer. A broken staffe, a lame right hand I had, 
* If thou wert all the stay that held me vp. 

Nihil vioUntum perpetuum^ 
765 No violence that liueth to olde age. 

Ill-gouem'd starre^ that neuer boad'st good lucke, 
^ I banish thee a twdue-month and a day, 

Forth of my presence ; come not in my si^t, 
' Nor shewe thy head, so much as in the night. 
770 Orion. I am content, though hunting be not out, 

We will goe hunt in hell for better hap. 

One parting blowe, my hearts, vnto our friends. 

To bid the fields and huntsmen all farewell: 

Tosse vp your bugle homes vnto the starres. 
77S Toyle findeth ease, peace followes after warres. 

Exit. I 

Here they goe out^ blowing their hornesy and hallowing^ E a 
as they came in. 

Will Summer. Faith, this Sceane of Orion is right 

prandium caninum^ a dogs dinner, which as it is without 

^ wine, so here 's a coyle about dogges without wit. If I had 

thought the ship of fooles would haue stayde to take in fresh 

780 water at the He of dogges, I would haue fumisht it with a 

7Ka r. tltUel r. little ColL : Or little HomL : [And all t]iei> little Gro. Qy. 
rtad 9e or Redpe t Electnaria Gro, com, 753 Mastuaior{$]tim Gro. 

754 pitch'd cloths Coii. : pitch'd-cloths MomJ. 770 content : though 

ColL, HomL, Gro. 

Ill S 



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258 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

whole kennell of collections to the purpose. I haue had a 
dogge my selfe, that would dreame, and talke in his sleepe, 
turne round like Ned foole, and sleepe all night in a porridge 
pot Marke but the skirmish betweene sixpence and the 
foxe, and it is miraculous how they ouercome one another in 785 
honorable curtesy. The foxe, though he weares a chayne, 
runnes as though hee were free, mocking vs (as it is a crafty 
beast) because we, hauing a Lord and master to attend on, 
runne about at our pleasures, like masteries men. Young 
sixpence, the best ps^ his master hath, playes a little and 790 
retires. I warrant he will not be Ssure out of the way, when 
his master goes to dinner. Leame of him, you deminitiue 
vrchins, howe to behaue your selues in your vocation ; take 
not vp jrour standings in a nut-tree, when you should be 
waiting on my Lords trencher. Shoote but a bit at buttes ; 795 
play but a span at poyntes. What euer jrou doe, memento 
mart : remember to rise betimes in the morning. 

Summer. Vertumnusy call Haruest. 

Vertumnus. Haruest, by west, and by north, by south 
and southeast, 800 

Shewe thy selfe like a beast 
Goodman Haruest^ yeoman, come in and say what you can : 
roome for the sithe and the siccles there. 

Enter Haruest with a sythe on his neck^ & all his reapers 
with sicclesy and a great black bowle with a posset in it 
borne before him : they come in singing. \ 

E a^ The Song. 

Merry y merry ^ merry ^ cheary^ cheary^ cheary^ 

Trowle the black bowle to me; 805 

Hey derryy derry^ with a poupe and a lerry^ 
He trowle it againe to thee: 

799-801 Haniett ... beast] os veru^ CcIL^ HomL : as proUy Q, Gm. 800 
soudieast] by efttt O//., Bad. 801 shewe Q, Gro, 80a Goodman . . . 

can :] Possibly inUmdidas 9iru, dkndtf^q/igrjtomtaL 9o$ sidde CW/., Ifm»L 



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Google 



AND TESTAMENT ^59 

Hooky ^ hooky ^ we hau$ shorne^ 
And we haue bounds 
8io And we haue brought Haruest 

Home to towne. 

Summer. Haruest^ the Bayly of my husbandry, 
What plenty hast thou heapt into our Barnes? 
I hope thou hast sped well, thou art so blithe. 
«i5 Haruest. Sped well or ill, sir, I drinke to you on the 
aame: 
Is your throate cleare to helpe vs to smg hooky ^ hooky ? 

Heere they all sing after him, 

Hooky ^ hooky ^ we haue shorne^ 

And we haue bounds 
And we haue brought haruest 
8ao Home to towne. 

Autumne. Thou Coridon, why answer'st not direct? 
Haruest. Answere ? why, friend, I am no tapster, to say 
Anon, anon, sir: but leaue you to molest me, goodman 
^- tawny leaues, for feare (as the prouerbe sayes, leaue is 
8^5 light) so I mow off all your leaues with my sithe. | 

Winter. Mocke not & mowe not too long you were E 3 
best, 
For feare we whet not your sythe vpon your pate. 

Summer. Since thou art so peruerse in answering, 
Haruest, heare what complaints are brought to me. 
830 Thou art accused by the publike voyce, 
For an ingrosser of the common store; 
A Carle, that hast no conscience, nor remorse, 
But doost impouerish the fruitfuU earth. 
To make thy gamers rise vp to the heauens. 
835 To whom giuest thou ? who feedeth at thy boord ? 

808-11 ffoofy • . . Uume^ as two Ums^ Gto. 809 €md Q, Gro. 81 x 
home Q, Gro. 813 bailifif ColL^ Hani. 816 111 siiie Coil., HomL 817-ao 
Su notes on tt. 808-11 above. 8a6 lone ; 70a CoU,^ HomL best] best 

not CoiLi HaaL 837 not] om. CoU., HomL 

S % 



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a6o SVMMERS LAST WILL 

No almes, but vnreasonable gaine. 

Digests what thy huge )rron teeth deuoure; 

Small beere, course bread, the hynds and b^fgers cry, 

WhQest thou withholdest both the mault and flowre, 

And giu'st vs branne, and water, (fit for dogs.) 840 

HaruesU Hooky, hooky, if you were not my Lord, 
I would say you lye. First and formost, you say I am 
a Grocer. A Grocer is a citizen : I am no citizen, there- 
fore no Grocer. A hoorder vp of graine : that 's false ; 
for not so much but my elbows eate wheate euery time 845 
I leane on them. A Carle : that is as much to say as a 
conny-catcher of good fellowship. For that one word 
you shall pledge me a carouse: eate a spoonful! of the 
curd to allay your choUer. My mates and fellowes, sing 
no more Merry, merry ; but weep out a lamStable hooky, 850 
hooky, and let your Sickles cry, 

Sicke, sicke, and very sicke, 

& sicke, and for the time ; 

For Haruest your master is 

Abusde without reason or rime. 855 

I haue no conscience, I? De come neerer to you, and 
yet I am no scabbe, nor no louse. Can you make proofe 
where euer I sold away my conscience, or pawnd it? 
doe you know who would buy it, or lend any money vpon 
it ? I thinke I haue giuen you the pose ; blow your 860 
nose, master constable. But to say that I impouerish 
the earth, that I robbe the man in the moone, that I 
take a purse on the top of Paules steeple ; by this straw 
and thrid I sweare you are no gentleman, no proper man, 
no honest man, to make mee sing, O man in desperation. | 865 
£3^ Summer. I must giue credit vnto what I heare; 
For other then I heare, attract I nought. 

836 alm^ Gro. but [in] imreMonable HcuL 839 Whilst CoU,^ HomL 
841 hooky t ColLt ffatL^ Gro, 845 but] for HomL 8^6 on] upon ColL, 
HomI, 846 as much as to say, a CoU, JScul, 853-5 Sicke. . . rime.] as 
vent (in ital,), Cott.^ HomL, Gro. : as prose, Q. 854 lor Q, 85c abosde Q, 
856 It] IfaM/.: I: Q, Col/.: I! Gro. 863 of St Paul's CoU., ffaMl. 

itofd CoU., IfoMl. 867 attract] detract ^mA 



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AND TESTAMENT a6i 

Haruest. I, I ; nought seeke, nought haue : 
An ill husband is the first steppe to a knaue. 
870 You obiect I feede none at my boord. I am sure, if you 
were a hog^e, you would neuer say so: for, surreuerence 
of their worships, they feed at my stable table euery day. 
I keepe good hospitality for hennes & geese: Gleaners 
are oppressed with heauy burdens of my bounty: 

S76 They rake me, and eate me to the very bones, 

Till there be nothing left but grauell and stones, 

and yet I give no almes, but deuoure all ? They say, when 
a man cannot heare well, you heare with your haruest eares : 
but if you heard with your haruest eares, that is, with the 

880 eares of come which my almes-cart scatters, they would 
tell you that I am the very poore mans boxe of pitie, 
that there are more holes of liberality open in haruests 
heart then in a sine, or a dust-boxe. Suppose you were 
a craftsman, or an Artificer, and should come to buy 

885 come of mee, you should haue bushels of mee ; not like 
the Bakers loafe, that should waygh but sixe ounces, but 
vsury for your mony, thousands for one: what would 
you haue more ? Eate mee out of my apparell if you 
will, if you suspect mee for a miser. 

890 Summer. I credit thee, and thinke thou wert belide. 
But tell mee, hadst thou a good crop this yeare? 

Haruest. Hay, Gods plenty, which was so sweete and so 
good, that when I ierted my whip, and said to my horses 
but Hay, they would goe as they were mad. 

895 Summer. But hay alone thou saist not; but hay-ree. 

Haruest I sing hay-r^, that is, hay and rye : meaning, 

that they shall haue hay and rye their belly-fulls, if they 

will draw hard : So wee say, wa, hay, when they goe out 

868-9 I • • • knane.] as verse, CoU,, Hax/.t Gro. : as prose, Q. 869 an 

Q. 871 sir lererenoe /fasU. 87a stable^ table, eaery Q : stable-table 

enxy Coll, Haxl. 874 bounty. Q, 875-6 They • . . stooes,] as verse, 
CM, HomL, Cre. : as prose, Q. 875 rake] take ColL, HomI, 876 till Q, 
* 877 all Q, CoU, : all! HomL, Gro. 887 one. What ColL, HomI. 891 

hast ColL, HoMi, 89a Gods] good HomI. 



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a6a SVMMERS LAST WILL 

of the way : meaning, that they shall want hay, if they 
will not doe as they should doe. 90c 

Summer. How thriue thy oates, thy barley, and thy 
wheate ? 

Haruest. My oates grew like a cup of beere that makes 
the brewer rich : my rye, like a Caualier that weares a 
E 4 huge feather | in his cap, but hath no courage in his heart, 
had a long stalke, a goodly huske, but nothing so great a 905 
kemell as it was wont : my barley, euen as many a nouice 
is crossebitten as soone as euer hee peepes out of the shell, 
so was it frost-bitten in the blade, yet pickt vp his crummes 
a^yne afterward, and bade, Fill pot, hostesse, in spite of a 
deare yeere. As for my Pease and my Fetdies, diey are 910 
famous, and not to be spoken of. 

Autumne. I, I, such countrey button'd caps as you 
Doe want no fetches to vndoe great townes. 

Haruest. Will you make good your words, that wee want 
no fetches? 915 

Winter. I, that he shall. 

Haruest. Then fetch vs a doake-bagge, to cany away 
your sdfe in. 

Summer. Plougfa-swaynes are blunt, and will taunt 
bitterly. 
Haruest, when all is done, thou art the man, 9ao 

Thou doest me the best seruice of them all : 
Rest from thy labours till the yeere renues, 
And let the husbandmen sing of thy prayse. 

Haruest. Rest from my labours, and let the husband- 
men sing of my prayse ? Nay, we doe not meane to rest 9>5 
so ; by your leaue, wele haue a largesse amongst you, e're 
we part 

All. A largesse, a laigesse, a largesse I 

Will Summer. Is there no man that will giue them a 
hisse for a largesse? 930 

90a grow CM/., HomL 905 had] hath HtnL^ Gro. 906-7 norice, is 
ColL^ Hanl.f Gro, oio Fetches] vetches CoU., HomL 023 husbandmen 
[aU] sing HomI. o(]om. ColL, HaaU. 925 of] om. C0IL, fftuL 929 
that] om, CoU,^ HaMl.^ Gro. 



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AND TESTAMENT ^63 

Haruist No, that there is not, goodman Lundgis : I see 
charitie waxeth coldfand I thinke this house be her habi- 
tatid, for it is not very hot ; we were as good euen put vp 
our pipes, and sing Merry, merry, for we shall get no money. 

Here they goe out all singings 

15 Merry ^ merry ^ merry ^ cheary^ cheary^ cheary^ 

Trowle the blacke bowle to me: \ 

Hey derry^ derry^ with a poupe and a lerrte^ E 4^ 

lie trowle it againe to thee: 

Hookie^ hookie, we haue shome and we haae bounds 
(40 And we haue brought homes t home to tovune. 

Will Summer. Well, go thy waies, thou bundle of straw ; 
He giue thee this gift, thou shalt be a Clowne while 
thou liu'st As lustie as they are, they run on the score 
with Geoi^es wife for their posset, and Grod knowes who 
945 shal pay goodman Yeomans for his wheat sheafe : they may 
sing well enough, Trowle the blacke bowle to mee, trowle 
th^ Macke-bowle to mee : for, a hundreth to one but they 
will bee all drunke, e're they goe to bedde : yet, of a slauer* 
ing foole, that hath no conce3^e in any thing but in carrying 

950 a wand in his hand with commendation when he runneth 
by the' high way side, this stripling Haruest hath done 
reasonable well. O, that some bodie had had the wit to set 
his thatcht suite on fire, and so lighted him out : If I had 
had but a let ring on my finger, I might haue done with 

955 him what I list ; I had spoild him, I had tooke his apparrdl 
prisoner; for,4t being made of straw, & the nature of let to 
draw straw vnto it, I would haue nailde him to the pommell 
of my chaire, till the play were done, and then haue carried 
him to my chamber dore, and laide him at the threshold as 

934 S.D. fftrt tkiy ail go c$ti singing, CoiLt HomL 939-:40 Cookie . . . 

tmm.]asfmr lints, dividing after skorm and hantsst (reading And Horns) 
Coll, ffoMl,, Gro. 045 Ycomin Coll,, HaaU. 946-7 Trowle . . . mee :] as 
two Unes of verse (in Ual.), ColL, HaMl., Gro. Witkm isolation marks, CoU., 
HoMl. 048 bee aU] aU be ColL, HaMl. bed. Yet ColL, IfaMl., Gro. 

959 had had] bad ColL, HaiU, wit] lense Coll,, HaMl. 953-4 had 

hadlhad HaML 955 I bad tooke] badi took HaMl. 



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a64 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

a wispe, or a piece of mat, to wipe my shooes on, euerie 960 
time I come vp durtie. 

Summer. Vertumnus^ call Bacchus. 

Vertum. Bacchus^ Baccha, Bacchum^ god Bacchus^ god 
fatbacke, 

Baron of dubble beere and bottle ale, 965 

Come in & shew thy nose that is nothing pale. 

Backe, backe there, god barrell-bellie may enter. 

Enter Bacchus riding vpan an Asse trapt in luie^ himself e 
drest in Vine leaues^ and a garland of grapes on his head : 
his companions hauing all lacks in their hands, and luie 
garlands on their heads; they come in singing. \ 

F 1 The Song. 

Mounsieur Mingo for quaffing doth surpasses 

In Cuppe, in Canne^ or glasse. 

God Bacchus, doe mee right, 970 

And dubbe mee knight Domingo. 

Bacchus. Wherefore didst thou call mee, Vertumnus ? hast 
any drinke to giue mee ? One of you hold my Asse while 
I light : walke him vp and downe the hall, till I talke a word 

or two. g'^^ 

Summer. What, Bacchus} still animus in patinisy no 
mind but on the pot ? 

Bacchus. Why, Summer, Summer, how would'st doe, 
but for rayne ? What is a faire house without water comming 
to it? Let mee see how a smith can worke, if hee haue not 9^ 
his trough standing by him. What sets an edge on a knife ? 
the grindstone alone ? no, the moyst element powr'd vpo it, 
which grinds out all gaps, sets a poynt vpon it, & scowres 

965-6 Baron . . . pale.] as verse. Cell,, HomI,, Gro, : as prose^ Q. 966 
cornel?. 966-7 pale: backe I?: pale : Back CoU., Hazl. 967 back Uiere, 
god] back, that God HaMl, i back there [that] god Gfo, S.D. they come 

singing, ColL, Hatl, 969 Canne'\ cent Cell., HomL 971 knight, Gro, 
Domingo] as separate line. Coll,, HasU,, Gro. Do [mine] Mingo HatL conj, 
976 paiind HomL, Gro. 979 What 'i Coll., HomL 



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AND TESTAMENT 265 

it as bright as the firmament. So, I tell thee, giue a soldier 
985 wine before he goes to battaile, it grinds out all gaps, it 
makes him foiget all scarres and wounds, and fight in the 
thickest of his enemies, as though hee were but at foyles 
amongst his fellows. Giue a scholler wine, going to his 
booke, or being about to inuent, it sets a new poynt on his 
990 wit, it glazeth it, it scowres it, it giues him acumen. Plato 
saith, vinum esse fomitem quedam^ et incitabilem ingenij vir* 
tutisque. Aristotle saith. Nulla est magna scientia absque 
mixtura dementix. There is no excellent knowledge with- 
out mixture of madnesse. And what makes a man more 
995 madde in the head then wine ? Qui bene vult poyein^ debet 
antipinyen : he that will doe well must drinke well. Prome^ . 
pronuy potum prome: Ho, butler, a fresh pot. Nunc est 
bibedum^ nunc pede libera terra pulsanda: a pox on him that 
leaues his drinke behinde him ; hey Rendouow. 
jooo Summer. It is wines custome, to be full of words. 
I pray thee, Bacchus^ giue vs vicissitudinem loquendi. 

Bacchus. A fiddlesticke ! ne're tell me I am full of words. 
Fcecundi calices, quem nonfecere disertum t out epi^ aut abi^ 
eyther | take your drinke, or you are an infidell. F i^" 

1005 Summer. I would about thy vintage question thee : 
How thriue thy vines ? hadst thou good store of grapes ? 
Bac. Vinum quasi venenum^ wine is poyson to a sicke 
body ; a sick body is no sound body ; Ergo^ wine is a pure 
thing, & is poyson to all corruption. Try-lill, the hiiters 
loio hoope to you : ile stand to it, Alexander was a braue man, 
and yet an arrant drunkard. 

Winter. Fye, drunken sot, forget*st thou where thou 
art? 
My Lord askes thee, what vintage thou hast made? 
Bac. Our vintage was a vintage, for it did not work 
1015 vpon theaduantage, it came in the vauntgard of Summer, 

985 battle ; it /Tot/., Gro, 988 among C?//., ffcuU, 989 inyent ; it 

Hazl., Gro. 995 pojmn] voifir CclL : Iltociy HomI, : poyein [iroccTr] Gro. 



/> fttiym] 9iw€iw Ceil., Haul. : pmyen [vircir] Gro. 999 hey] om. CoU.^ 

^au. RentUmow \^RiHdnvous\ Gro. 1003 €p%\ biU HcM. : €pi \Hb€\ 

Gro. desirium : Q, Gro. loio whoop CoU., /fait. 1014 was a Teotage Gro, 



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a66 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

& winds and stormes met it by the way. 
And made it cry, Alas and welladay. 

Summer. That was not well, but all miscaried not? 
Sac. Faith, shal I tel you no lye? Because you are my 
coQtryman, & so forth ; & a good fellow is a good fellow, x< 
though he haue neuer a penny in his purse: Wehad but euen 
pot luck, a little to moysten our lips, and no more. That 
same Sol is a Pagan and a Proselite ; hee shinde so bright 
all summer, that he bumd more grapes then his beames 
were worth, were euery beame as big as a weauers beame. 10*5 
A fabis abstinendum: faith, he shuld haue abstaind; 
for what is flesh & blud without his liquor? 
Autumne. Thou want'st no liquor, nor no flesh and 
bloud 
I pray thee may I aske without ofience ? -^ ^ • 
How many tunnes of wine hast in thy paunch ? x^o 

Me thinks, that, built like a round church, 
Should yet haue some of lulius Caesars wine: 
I warrant, 'twas not broacht this hundred yere. 

Bacchus. Hear'st thou, dow-belly ? because thou talkst, 
and talkst, & dar'st not drinke to me a black lack, wilt 1035 
thou giue me leaue to broach this little kilderkin of my 
corps against thy backe? \ know thou art but a mycher, 
& dar'st not stand me. A vous, mousieur Winter^ a frolick 
Knockis vpsy freese, crosse, ho, super nagidu. 
t/u lacki Winter. Grammercy. Bacchus, as much as though I 1040 

vpon nts * « 

thumbc, aia« 

For this time thou must pardon me perforce. 

Bacchus. What, giue me the disgrace? Groe to, I say, 

I am no Pope, to pardd any man. Ran^ ran^ tarra^ 

cold beere makes good | bloud. S. George for EnglSld: 

F a somewhat is better then nothing. Let me see, hast thou 1045 

^ Knockss . . • tkumbe.l as siagt'dinctMn^ Coll., HomI. : em. Gra» 

X016-7 8t... welladay.] as versi, ColL, HomI., Gfo. : as /rose, Q. 1017 

and Q. 1019 tell no Coll., Hasl. io$i tl^t [that is] boilt llaxl. : that 
[paunch] bailt Gro. 1039 npsy freese : capss, ho 1 Cm.y Gro. : ap-se-friese: 
cro6% ho f HomI. 1040-1 Grammercy . • . perfoccej asprose^ itoML 



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AND TESTAMENT 267 

done me iustice ? why, so : thou art a king, though there 
^were no more kings in the cards but the knaue. Summer, 
w^ilt thou haue a demy culuering, that shall cry husty tusty, 
and make thy cup flye fine meale in the Element ? 
1050 Summer. No, keepe thy drinke, I pray thee, to thy selfe. 

Bacchus. This PupiUanian in the fooles coate shall 
haue a cast of martins & a whiffe. To the health of 
Captaine Rinocerotry : looke to it, let him haue weight and 
measure. 
1055 Will Summer. What an asse is this I I cannot drinke 
so much, though I should burst. 

Bacchus. Foole, doe not refuse your moyst suste* 
nance ; come, come, d(^ head in the pot, doe what you 
are borne to. 
1060 Will Summer. If you will needs make me a drunkard 
against my will, so it is ; ile try what burthen my belly 
is of. 

Bacchus. Crouch, crouch on your knees, foole, when you 
pledge god Bacchus. 

Here Will SUmer drinks^ &* they sing about kim. Bacchus 
begins. 

1065 All. Mounsieur Mingo for quaffing did surfasse^ 
In Cup^ in Can^ crglasse. 

Bacchus. Ho, wel shot, a tutcher, a tutcher: for 
quaffing Toy doth passe, in cup, in canne, or glasse. 

AU. God Bacchus doe him rights 
1070 And dubbe him knight. 

Here he dubs Will Summer with the black lacke. 

Bac. Rise vp. Sir Robert Tospot 

Sum. No more of this, I hate it to the death. 

1046 why so : Q, CoU.^ Ha%!.^ Gro. 1067-8 for . . . glaate.] as tw9 Una 
dfvrse. dknding afttr pMse {in Ual.\ Coll,, JJomI., Gro, io6<^7o God . . • 
kingktJ] as two linos, Coll,, HomI,, Gro. : ox one line, Q. 1070 and Q, 

SJ>. ffen.../acie.^ Flood A^ in Gro. i i^er next line, Q, Coll., ^omI. 



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a68 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

No such deformer of the soule and sence, 
As is this swynish damn'd-borae drunkennes. 
Bacchus, for thou abusest so earths fruits, 1075 

Imprisoned liue in cellars and in vawtes, 
Let none commit their counsels vnto thee: 
Thy wrath be fatall to thy dearest friends; 
Vnarmed runne vpon thy foemens swords ; 
Neuer fcare any plague before it fall: 1080 

Dropsies and watry tympanies haunt thee, 
Thy lungs with surfeting be putrified, 
To cause thee haue an odious stinking breath; 
Slauer and driuell like a child at mouth ; | 
F av Bee poore and beggerly in thy old age ; 1085 

Let thy owne kinsmen laugh, when thou complaynst, 
And many teares gayne nothing but blind scoffes. 
This is the guerdon due to drunkennes ; 
Shame, sicknes, misery, foUowe excesse. 

Bacchus. Now on my honor, Sim Summer, thou art 1090 
a bad member, a Dunse, a mungrell, to discredit so 
worshipfull an arte after this order. Thou hast curst me, 
and I will blesse thee : Neuer cup of Nipitaty in London 
come neere thy niggardly habitation. I beseech the gods 
of good fellowsdiip, thou maist fall into a consumption with 1095 
drinking smal beere. Euery day maist thou eate fish, and 
let it sticke in the midst of thy niaw, for want of a cup 
of wine to swim away in. Venison be Venenum to thfce : 
& may that Vintner haue the plague in his house, that sels 
thee a drop of claret to kill the poyson of it As many uoo 
wounds maist thou haue, as Caesar had in the Senate 
house, and get no white wine to wash them with : And to 
conclude, pine away in melancholy and sorrow, before thou 
hast the fourth part of a dramme of my luice to cheare vp 
thy spirits. t 1105 

Summer. Hale him away, he barketh like a wolfe; 
It is his drinke, not hee, that rayles on vs. 

1074 dftmnM-bome] dftmn'd horn HomI. 1070 VnannM Gro. X085 

Be C.W. 1086 thine Cidl.^ Haal. uoo thee] m». CoU.^ HomI. 



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AND TESTAMENT 269 

Bacchus. Nay, soft, brother Summer, back with that 
foote : here is a snuffe in the bottome of the lack, inough 
mo to light a man to bed withall ; wee'le leaue no flocks behind 
vs, whatsoeuer wee doe. 

Summer. Gro dragge him hence, I say, when I 

commaund. 
Bacchus. Since we must needs goe, let's goe merrily. 
Farewell, sir Robert Tosse-pot: sing amayne Maunsieur 
I "5 Myngo^ whilest I moimt vp my Asse. 

Here they goe out singing Mounsieur Myngo^ 
as they came in. 

Will Summer. Of all gods, this Bacchus is the ill- 
fauourd'st misshapen god that euer I sawe. A poxe on him, 
he hath cristned me with a newe nickname of sir Robert 
Tosse-pot^ that will not part fro me this twelmonth. Ned 

iiao fooles clothes are so perfumde with the beere he powrd on 
me, that there shall not be a DutchmS within 20. mile, but 
he'le smel out & claime kindred | of him. What a beastly F 3 
thing is it, to bottle vp ale in a m3s belly, wh€f a man must set 
his guts on a galld pot last, only to purchase the alehouse 

"35 title of a boone companion} Carowse, pledge me and 
you dare : S' wounds, ile drinke with thee for all that euer 
thou art worth. It is eu^ as 2. men should striue who 
should run furthest into the sea for a wager. Me thinkes 
these are good houshold termes; Wil it please you to 

iisobe here, sir? I comend me to you : shall I be so bold as 
trouble you? sauing your tale, I drink to you. And 
if these were put in practise but a yeare or two in tauemes, 
wine would soone fall from six and twentie pound a tunne, 
and be beggers money, a penie a quart, and take vp his 

1 135 Inne with wast beere in the almes tub. I am a sinner 
as others : I must not say much of this argument. Euerie 

1 109 foote] fool ColLf BomI, 1114 amayne, MauHsieur Q, CM, Gtv, 

XI 16 lul the gods CcU., HomI, ii 18 has Gro, mo twelremonth CoU,^ 
IfaMi. iiai miles CV7i/.,^at^ iia3iiit] it U CVJ:£, JEToi/: ale] aU 
Mi., Haa. 1125 oiboon Coll., HomL 



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a7o SVMMERS LAST WILL 

one, when hee is whole, can giue aduice to them that 
are sicke. My masters, you that be good fellowes, get srou 
mto comers, and soupe off your prouender closely : report 
hath a blister on her tongue : open tauems are tel-tales. 1140 
Nanpeccat quicunq; potest peccasse negare. 

Summer, He call my seruants to account, said I ? 
A bad account: worse seruants no man hath. 
Quos credis fidos effuge^ tutus eris: 

The prouerbe I haue prou'd to be too true, 1145 

Totidem domi hastes habemus^ quot seruos. 
And that wise caution of Democritus^ 
Seruus necessaria possession non autem dulcis : 
No where fidelitie and labour dwels. 

Hope yong heads count to build on had I wist. 1150 

Conscience but few respect, all hunt for gaine: 
Except the Cammell haue his prouender 
Hung at his mouth, he will not trauell on. 
Tyresias to Narcissus promised 

Much prosperous hap and many golden dales, 1155 

If of his beautie he no knowledge tooke. 
Knowledge breeds pride/ pride breedeth discontent 
Blacke discontent, thou vrgest to reuenge. 
Reuenge opes not her eares to poore mens praiers. 
That dolt destruction is she without doubt, | 1160 

F a"" That hales her foorth, and feedeth her with nought. 
Simplicitie and plainnesse, you I loue: 
Hence, double diligence, thou mean'st deceit. 
Those that now serpent-like creepe on the ground. 
And seeme to eate the dust, they crowch so low ; "^6 

If they be disappointed of their pray. 
Most traiterously will trace their tailes and sting. 
Yea, such as, like the Lapwing, build their nests 
In a mans dung, come vp by drudgerie. 
Will be the first that, like that foolish bird, "70 

Will follow him with yelling and false cries. 

1 1 39 lap ColL, Haau. 1 1 co Hope, yong Q, CoU. : How yomig HaaL : 

Hope !— yoDg Gra. X167 tmUes] nails CoiL^ HomI. 



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AND TESTAMENT 271 

Well sung a shepheard (that now sleepes in skies) 
Dumbe swannes do loue, & not vaine chattering pies. 
In mountaines, Poets say, Eccho is hid, 
1 1 75 For her deformitie and monstrous shape: 

Those mountaines are the houses of great Lords, 
Where Stentor with his hundreth voices sounds 
A hundreth trumpes at once with rumor fild: 
A woman they itDBgine her to be, 
X180 Because that sexe keepes nothing close they heare: 
And that's the reason magicke writers frame, 
There are more witches women then of men ; 
For women generally, for the most part, 
Of secrets more desirous are then men, 
1 185 Which hauing got, they haue no power to hold. 
In these times had Ecchoes first fathers liu'd. 
No woman, but a man, she had beene faind. 
(Though women yet will want no newes to prate.) 
For men (meane men), the skumme & drosse of all, 
XX90 Will talke and babble of they know not what, 
Vpbraid, depraue, and taunt they care not whom: 
Surmises passe for sound approued truthes: 
Familiaritie and conference. 
That were the sinewes of societies, 
X195 Are now for vnderminings ondy vsde. 

And noudl wits, that loue none but themselues, | 
Thinke wisedomes height as falshood slily couch't, F4 

Seeking each other to o'rethrow his mate. 
O friendship, thy old temple is defac*t. 
xaooEmbrasing euery guilefuU curtesie 

Hath oueigrowne fraud-wanting honestie. 
Examples line but in the idle schooles: 
Sinon beares all the sway in princes courts. 
Sicknes, be thou my soules phisition : 
iao5 Bring the Apothecarie death with thee. 

1173 fwannes] Grp., Coll., Haal, : nraines Q. 1177 Soenter Q. 1180 
keep ColL^ HomI, 1181 frame] feign CW/., cohj\ 1184 are] Coli.^ HomI.^ 
Gr0. : o(,Q. * or Q* ColL, Hatt xaoo Embfadag eoTy, gaikfiil HatJU 



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a;^ SVMMERS LAST WILL 

In earth is hell, true hell felicitie, 

Compared with this world, the den of wolues. 

Aut. My Lord, you are too passionate without cause. 

Winter. Grieue not for that which cannot be recal'd : 
Is it your seruants carelesnesse you plaine? laio 

Tullie by one of his owne slaues was slaine. 
The husbandman dose in his bosome nurst 
A subtill snake, that after wrought his bane. 

Autumns. Seruos fideles liberaUtas facit; 
Where on the contrarie, seruitutemx 1215 

Those that attend vpon iUiberall Lords, 
Whose couetize yeelds nought els but faire lookes^ 
Euen of those faire lookes make their gainfuU vse. 
For, as in Ireland and in Denmarke both 
Witches for gold will sell a man a wind, laao 

Which, in the comer of a napkin wrapt, 
Shall blow him safe vnto what coast he will ; 
So make ill seruants sale of their Lords wind, 
Which, wrapt vp in a piece of parchment, 
Blowes many a knaue forth danger of the law. laas 

Summer. Inough of this ; let me go make my will. 
Ah, it is made, although I hold my peace. 
These two will share betwixt them what I haue. 
The surest way to get my will performed, 
Is to make my executour my heire; 1330 

And he, if all be giuen him, and none els, 
Vnfallibly will see it well perform'd. | 
F 4'' Lyons will feed, though none bid them go to. 
Ill growes the tree affordeth ne're a graft. 
Had I some issue to sit in my throne, ini 

My griefe would die, death should not heare mee grone, 
But when perforce these must enioy my wealth, 
Which thanke me not, but enter*t as a pray, 
Bequeath'd it is not, but cleane cast away. 

1206 true hell] hell true ffatU, hell, felidtie Gro. 1315 sirvi- 

iuUm, Coil, : serrniutem^^ Ha%l. 1337 peace : Cvi/., HomL : peace ; Gro. 

1335 in] on CoU.^ HomL 



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AND TESTAMENT 273 

1 340 Autumne^ be thou successor of my seat : 

Hold, take my crowne: — looke how he graspes for itl 

Thou shalt not haue it yet:— but hold it too; 

Why should I keep that needs I must forgo? 

Winter. Then (dutie laid aside) you dp me wrong: 
1345 I am more worthie of it farre then he. 

He hath no skill nor courage for to rule ; 

A weather-beaten banckrout asse it is, j 

That scatters and consumeth all he hatii: 

Eche one do plucke from him without controlL 
1250 He is nor hot nor cold, a sillie soule, 

That faine would please eche party, if so he might 

He and the spring are schollers Cauourites. 

What schollers are, what thriftles kind of men. 

Your selfe be iudge, and iudge of him by them. 
1355 When Cerberus was headlong drawne from hell, 

He voided a blacke poison from his mouth, 

Called Aconitum^ whereof inke was made : 

That inke, with reeds first laid on dried barkes, 

Seru*d men a while to make rude workes withall, 
ia6o Till Hermes i secretarie to the Gods, 

Or Hermes TrismegistHs^ as some will, 

Wearie with grauing in blind characters. 

And figures of familiar beasts and plants, 

Inuented letters to write lies withall. 
1365 In them he pend the fables of the Gods^ 

The gyants warre, and thousand tales besides. 

After eche nation got these toyes in vse, 

There grew vp certaine drunken parasites, | 

Term'd Poets, which^ for a meales meat or two, G i 

ia7o Would promise monarchs immortalitie : 

They vomited in verse all that they knew, 

1240 of] to Ccll^ Haal, 1241 crowne: looke Q. 1343 yet : but Q. 
1343 that] what ColU, HomI, 1350 it not hot HmI. 1351 eche] both 
CoU, puty] part HomI, 1259 men] me ColLt HomI, 1363 

figurefs] Gro. 1367 vse] To this ward Haul, has note ' Old copy, Formed; 
reftrring probably to Foond m /. 1373. But tkon tho reading u Found in 
all copies which I have seem. 

xIII T 



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274 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Found causes and beginnings of the world, 
Fetcht pedegrees of mountaines and of flouds 
From men and women whom the Gods transformed: 
If any towne or citie they pass'd by 1375 

Had in compassion (thinking them mad men) 
Forborne to whip them, or imprison them, 
That citie was not built by humane hands, 
T'was raisde by musique, like Megara walles; 
Apollo, poets patron, founded it, laSo 

Because they found one fitting fauour there: 
Musaeus, Lynus, Homer, Orpheus, 
Were of this trade, and thereby wonne their fame. 
Will. Summer. Fama mcdum^ quo non velocius vllum. 
Winter. Next them, a company of ragged knaues, 1385 
Sun-bathing beggers, lazie hedge-creepers, 
Sleeping face vpwards in the fields all night, 
Dream'd strange deuices of the Sunne and Moone ; 
And they, like Gipsies, wandring vp and downe. 
Told fortunes, iu^led, nicknam'd all the starres, 1390 

And were of idiots term'd Philosophers : 
Such was Pithagoras the silencer, 
Prometheus, Thales Milesius, 
Who would all things of water should be made : 
Anaximander, Anaximenes, 1395 

That positiuely said the aire was God ; 
Zenocrates, that said there were eight Gods : 
And Cratoniates, Alcmeon too^ 

Wh6 thought the Sun and Moone & stars were gods: 
The poorer sort of them, that could get nought, 1300 

Profest, like beggerly Franciscan Friers, 
And the strict order of the Capouchins, 
A voluntarie wretched pouertie, 
Contempt of gold, thin fare, and lying hard: | 
Gz^^Yet he that was most vehement in thescf 1305 

1373 Found] Form'd Coll. : Feign'd ffiui. 1384 mm [aliud] velocius 

Hcal.^ Gro. 1393 Thales, Mileaus Q, ColL^ HomI.^ Gro. 1398 Cratioiiates 
and Alcmeon Ccll,^ HomI. i . . . [and] • . • Gro. 130a Caponchins Q. 



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AND TESTAMENT 275 

Diogenes^ the Cinicke and the Dogge, 
Was taken coyning money in his Cell. 

Wil Summer. What an,olde Asse was that ! Me thinks, 
hee should haue coynde Garret rootes rather : for, as for 
1 310 money, he had no vse for't, except it were to melt, and 
soder vp holes in his tub withall. 

Winter. It were a whole Olimpiades worke to tell, 
How many diuillish, ergo armed arts, 
Sprung all, as vices, of this Idlenesse : 
2315 For euen as soukliers not imployde in wanes, 
But lining loosely in a quiet state, 
Not hauing wherewithall to maintaine pride, 
Nay, scarce to finde their bellies any foode. 
Nought but walke melancholie, and deuise 

1390 How they may cousen MarchSts, fleece young heires, 
Creepe into fauour by betraying men, 
Robbe churches, beg waste toyes, court city dames, 
Who shall vndoe their husbands for their sakes; 
The baser rabble how to cheate and steale, 

1325 And yet be free from penaltie of death : 
'So those word-warriers, lazy star-gazers, 
Vsde to no labour but to lowze themselues, 
Had their heads fild with coosning fantasies. 
They plotted how to make their pouertie 

1330 Better esteemde of then high Soueraignty: 

They thought how they might plant a heauS on earth. 
Whereof they would be principall lowe gods ; 
That heauen they called Contemplation, 
As much to say as a most pleasant slouth; 

1335 Which better I cannot compare then this, 
That if a fellow licensed to b^ 
Should all his life time go from faire to faire, 
And buy gape-seede, hauing no businesse else. 
That contemplation^ like an aged weede, 

X340 Engendred thousand sects, and all those sects | 

1310 for't] for a Coll. : for [*t] Ifas/,, Gro. 1335 death. Q. 1329 bow] 
had Crfv. 133a low-gods JETat/. 

T a 



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276 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

G a Were but as these times, cunning shrowded rogues : 
Grammarians some; and wherein differ they 
From b^gers, that professe the Pedlers French? 
The Poets next, slouinly tatterd slaues, 
That wander, and sell Ballets in the streetes. 1345 

Historiographers others there be, 
And they, like lazers by the high way side, 
That for a penny, or a halfe-penny. 
Will call each knaue a good fac'd Gentleman, 
Giue honor vnto Tinkers for good Ale, 1350 

Preferre a Cobler fore the Black prince farre, 
. If he bestowe but blacking of their shooes : 
And as it is the Spittle-houses guise, 
Ouer the gate to write their founders names, 
Or on the outside of their walles at least, 1355 

In hope by their examples others moou'd 
^JVill be more bountifuU and liberall ; 
So in the forefront of their Chronicles, 
Or Perorations operis^ 

They learnings benefactors reckon vp, 1360 

Who built this coUedge, who gaue that Free^schoole, 
What King or Queene aduaimced Schollers most, 
And in their times what writers flourished ; 
Rich men and magistrates, whilest yet they line, 
They flatter palpably, in hope of gajme. ^1365 

Smooth-tounged Orators, the fourth in place. 
Lawyers our common-wealth intitles them, 
Meere swash-bucklers and rufflanly mates, 
That will for twelue pence make a doughtie fray, 
Set men for strawes together by the eares. 1370 

Skie measuring Mathematicians, 
Golde-breathing Alcumists also we haue. 
Both which are subtill witted humorists. 
That get their meales by telling miracles, 



1347 And they, like lazars, CM, HaMl,\ And the like Uuen Q, Gr9. 
"' " " " /. 1351 'fore ColL, ffatl, fane] fiure 

» ffaxl- 1354 the] their Coli., HomL 1356 

1373 subtiU-wiUed (?fv. 



M.^-j Anu inej, uxe imzar 
bjr] by by Coll. : Ue l^ HmL 
Cro, 135a of) 00 CoU,, 1 

example CoU., HasU 13; 



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AND TESTAMENT 277 

Z375 Which they haue seene in trauailing the skies: 

Vaine boasters, fy^ts, make-shifts, they are all, | 

Men that, remoued from their inkehome termes, G av 

Bring forth no action worthie of their bread. 

What should I speake of pale physidons? 
1380 Who as Fistnenus non nasatus was 

(Vpon a wager that his fiiends had laid) 

HirMe to Hue in a priuie a whole yeare ; 

So are they hir'de for lucre and for gaine, 

All their whole life to smell on excrements. 
1385 Wil. Summer. Very true, for I haue heard it for a 

prouerbe many a time and oft, Hunc os fmtidum^ fah, he 

stinkes like a phisidon. 

Winter. Innumerable monstrous practises 

Hath loytring contemplation brought forth more, 
X590 Which t'were too long particular to redte : 

Suffice, they all conduce vnto this end, 

To banish labour, nourish slothfulnesse. 

Pamper vp lust, deuise newfangled sinnes. 

Nay, I will iustiiie there is no vice, 
1395 Which learning and vilde knowledge brought not in, 

Or in whose praise some learned haue not wrote. 

The arte of murther Machiauel hath pend : 

Whoredome hath Ouid to vphold her throne ; 

And Aretine of late in Italic, 
1400 Whose Cortigiana toucheth bawdes their trade. 

Gluttonie Epicurus doth defend, 

And bookes of th' arte of cookerie confirme ; 

Of which Platina hath not writ the least. 

Drunkennesse of his good behauiour 
1405 Hath testimoniall from where he was borne ; 

That pleasant worke de arte bibendi^ 

A drunken Dutchman spued out few yeares since : 

Nor wanteth sloth (although sloths plague bee want) 

137} tnTeUing CoU,^ HomL 1386 Hmc Haal. fiUid$m Q. 1390 

tVcrej were CoS.f HomL 1395 vile CoU.^ HomL 1400 toncheth] tetcheth 



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27S SVMMERS LAST WILL 

His paper pillers for to leane vpon : 

The praise of nothing pleades his worthinesse : 14^0 

FoUie Erasmus sets a flourish on. 
For baldnesse, a bald asse I haue foigot | 
G 3 Patcht vp a pamphletarie periwigge. 
Slouenrie Grobianus magnifieth: 

Sodomitrie a Cardinal! commends, 1415 

And Aristotle necessarie deemes. 
In briefe, all bookes, diuinitie except, 
Are nought but tales of the diuds lawes, 
Toyson wrapt vp in sugred words, 

Mans pride, damnations props, the worlds abuse: 1420 

Then censure (good my Lord) what bookemen ar^ 
If they be pestilent members in a state: 
He is vnfit to sit at steme of state. 
That fauours such as will o'rethrow his state: 
Blest is that gouermnent where no arte thriues, 14^5 

Vox populi^ vox Dei; 

The vulgars voice, it is the voice of God. 
Yet TuUy saith, Non est consilium in vulgo^ nan ratio^ 
non discrimen^ non differentia; 

The vulgar haue no learning, wit, nor sence. 1490 

Themistocles, hauing spent all his time 
In studie of Philosophie and artes. 
And noting well the vanitie of them, 
Wisht, with repentance for his follie past, 
Some would teach him th' arte of obliuion, 1435 

How to forget the arts that he had leamd. 
And Cicero, whom we alleadg'd before, 
(As saith Valerius) stepi^ng into old age, 
Despised learning, lothed eloquence. 

Naso, that could speake nothing but pure verse, 1440 

And had more wit then words to vtter it, 
And words as choise as euer Poet had, 

1419 [Rank] poyson wnpt yp in [sweet] sngxed words, Gro. 14s i are 

Q : are : ColU^ Ha%L ilaa state, ColL^ Haxl. 1438 vulgK Gro. 1429 
Non ...{as new lim) Jlazi., Gr§. 1434 Wisht with repentance, (or Q. 



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AND TESTAMENT a79 

Cride and exclaimde In bitter agonie, 
When knowledge had corrupted his chaste mind, 
1^45 Discite^ qui sc^iis^ nan hsec qux scimus inerUs, 
Sed trepidas acies^ & fera beUa sequu 
You that be wise, and euer meane to thriue, 

0, studie not these toyes we sluggards vse, f 

But follow armes, and waite on barbarous warres. Ga^ 

1450 Young men, yong boyes, beware of Schoolemasters, 

They will infect you, marre you, bleare your eyes: 

They seeke to lay the curse of God on you, 

Namely, confusion of languages. 

Wherewith those that the towre of Babel built 
1456 Accursed were in the worldes infancie. 

Latin, it was the speech of Infidels. 

Logique hath nought to say in a true cause. 

Philosophie is curiositie: 

And Socrates was therefore put to death, 
i4(»o Onely for he was a Philosopher : 

Abhorre, contemne, despise these danmed snares. 

WiU Summer. Out vpon it, who would be a Scholler ? not 

1, I promise you : my minde alwayes gaue me this learn- 
ing was such a filthy thing, which made me hate it so as 

1465 I did : when I should haue beeae .at schoole, construing 
Batte^ mi filh mi filU mi Baite^ I was close vnder a hedge, 
or vnder a bame wall, playing at spanne Counter, or lacke 
in a boxe: my master beat me, my father beat me, my 
mother gaue me bread and butter, yet all this would not 

1470 make me a squitter-booke. It was my destinie ; I thanke 
her as a most courteous goddesse, that shee hath not 
cast me away vpon gibridge. O, in what a mightie 
vaine am I now against Home-bookes! Here, before 
all this companie, I professe my selfe an open enemy to Inke 

1475 and paper. He make it good vpon the Accidence body, 
that In speech is the diuels Pater noster : Nownes and 
Pronounes, I pronounce you as traitors to boyes buttockes : 

1475-6 acddenoe, body [of me,] that in tpeech Haal. : Accidence, body [of 
me] that In [his] speech Gro. 



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a8o SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Syntaxis and Prosodia^ you are tormenters of wit, & good for 
nothing but to get a schoole-master two pence a weeke. 
Hang copies ; flye out, phraae books ; let pennes be turnd M^ 
to picktooths: bowles, cards, & dice, you are the true 
liberal sdfices ; He ne're be Goosequil, gentlem€f, while I 
Hue. 

Sumer. Winter, with patience vnto my griefe, 
I haue attended thy inuectiue tale: ul^ 

So much vntrueth wit neuer shadowed : 
Gainst her owne bowels thou Arts weapons turn'st : | 
G 4 Let none beleeue thee that will euer thriue : 

Words haue their course, the winde blowes where it lists ; 

He erres alone, in error that persists. 1490 

For thou gainst Autumne such exceptions tak'st, 

I graunt his ouer-seer thou shalt be, 

His treasurer, protector, and his staffe; 

He shall do nothing without thy consent; 

Prouide thou for his weale and his content 1491 

WinUr. Thanks, gracious Lord : so He dispose of him. 
As it shall not repent you of 3^ur gift. 

Autuptne. On such conditions no crowne will I take. 
I challenge Winter for my enemie, 

A most insaciate miserable carle, 1500 

That, to fill vp his gamers to the brim, 
Cares not how he indammageth the earth ; 
What pouerty he makes it to indurel 
He ouer-bars the christall streames with 3rce, 
That none but he and his may drinke of them : 1505 

All for a fowle Back-winter he layes vp ; 
Hard craggie wayes, and vncouth slippery paths 
He frames, that passengers may slide and fall : 
Who quaketh not, that heareth but his name? 
O, but two sonnes he hath, worse then himselfe, 1510 

Christmas the one, a pinch-back, cut-throate churle, 
That keepes no open house, as he should do, 

1480 Htngicopictl HomI. ontphnae Q^ Gro, 148a be a goote-qmll 
C«//., HomI. 1484 patienoe, unto CoiL^ Gro. 150Q insaciate] imaciitc Grp. 



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AND TESTAMENT a8i 

Delighteth in no game or fellowship, 

Loues no good deeds, and hateth talke, 
1515 But sitteth in a corner turning Crabbes, 

Or coughing o're a wanned pot of Ale: 

Back-winter th' other^ that *8 his none sweet boy, 

Who like his father taketh in all points; 

An elfe it is, compact of enuious pride, 
i5>oA miscreant, borne for a plague to men, 

A monster, that deuoureth all he meetes: 

Were but his father dead, so he would raigne: 

Yea, he would go goodneere to deale by him | 

As Nabuckodonozors vngratious sonne G 4"^ 

X525 EvUmerodach by his father dealt : 

Who, when his sire was turned to an Oxe, 

Full greedily snatcht vp his soueraigntie, 

And thought himselfe a king without controwle. 

So it fell out, seuen yeares expir'de and gone, 
1530 Nabuchodonozar came to his shape againe. 

And dispossest him of the regiment: 

Which my young prince no little greening at, 

When that his father shortly after dide. 

Fearing lest he should come from death againe, 
1535 As he came from an Oxe to be a man, 

Wil'd that his body, spoylde of couerture. 

Should be cast foorth into the open fieldes, 

For Birds and Rauens to deuoure at will; 

Thinking, if they bare euery ond of them 
1540 A bill full of his flesh into their nests. 

He would not rise to trouble him in haste. 

Will Summer. A vertuous sonne, and He lay my life on't, 

he was a Caualiere and a good fellow. 

Winter. Fleaseth your honor, all he sayes is false. 
1545 For my owne part, I loue good husbandrie, 

151 7 noatlnown Coff,, ffasl, 1524 Nebuchadnexzar*iCi9//., £?iis/. 1525 
Euilmirodati] Foilmerodach CoU.{which HaMl.saysisrtadingofQ\ hut^ rather^ 
damagtd E) : Foul Merodach HasU, 1530 Nebncbadnezzar CoU,^ Hail. 

1540 bill-iiil HomI. 1541 would] could Collt iioMl, 



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28% SVMMERS LAST WILL 

But hate dishonourable couetize. 
Youth neVe aspires to vertucs perfect growth, 
Till his wilde oates be sowne: and so the earth, 
Vntill his weeds be rotted with my frosts, 
Is not for any. seede or tillage fit 1550 

He must be purged that hath surfeited : 
The fields haue surfeited with Summer fruites; 
They must be purg'd, made poore, opprest with snow, 
Ere they recouer their decayed pride. 
For ouerbarring of the streames with Ice, 1555 

Who locks not poyson from his childrens taste? 
When Winter raignes, the water is so colde, 
That it is po}^son, present death to those 
That wash, or bathe their lims, in his colde streames. | 
H I The slipprier that wayes are vnder vs, 1560 

The better it makes vs to heed our steps, 
And looke e're we presume too rashly on : 
If that my sonnes haue misbehau'd themsdues, 
A Gods name let them answer 't fore my Lord. 

Autumns. Now I beseech 3^ur honor it may be so. 156$ 

Summer. With all my heart: Vsrtumnus^ go for them* 

[Exit Vertumnus^ 

Wil Summer. This same Harry Baker is such a 
necessary fellow to go on arrants, as you shall not finde in 
a country. It is pitty but he should haue another siluer 
arrow, if it be but for crossing the stage with his cap on. 1570 

Summer. To wearie out the time vntill they come, 
Sing me some dolefuU ditty to the Lute, 
That may complaine my neerc approchii^ death. 

The Song. 

Adieu^ farewell earths blisse^ 

This world vncertaine is, il75 

F(md are lifes lustfuU iqyes^ 



1548 hii] the Coll,, Htul 1549 with] by Coll., HomL 1554 pride, Q. 
Z555 loe. Q. 1558 death, to Coll., ffattl. 1564 'fore Coll., Heml, 

1500 S.D. Exit . . .] Mv. Q, ColL, HmI.^ Gro. 156S emnds Coh,, HomU 



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AND TESTAMENT ^83 

Death proues them all but toyes. 
None from his darts can flye ; 
I am sick, I must dye : 
1580 Lord, heme mercy on vs> 

Rich men, trust not in wealth. 
Gold cannot buy you health; 
Phisick himself e must fade. 
All things to end are made, 
1585 The plague full swift goes bye; 

I am sick, I must dye: 

Lord, haue mercy on vs. \ 

Beauty is but aflowre, H jy 

Which wrinckles will deuoure, 
1590 Brightnesse falls from the ayre, 

Queenes haue died yong and fair e^ 
Dust hath closde Helens eye. 
I am sick, I must dye : 

Lord, haue mercy on vs. 

1595 Strength stoopes vnto the graue, 

Wormes feed on Hector braue. 

Swords may not fight with fate. 

Earth still holds ope her gate. 

Come, come, the bells do crye. 
1600 / am sick, I must dye: 

Lord^ heme mercy on vs. 

Wit with his wantonnesse 

Taste th deaths bittemesse: 

Hels executioner 
1605 Hath no eares for to heare 

What vaine art can reply. 

I am sick, I must dye: 

Lord, haue mercy on vs. 

Haste therefore eche degree^ 
1610 To welcome destiny: 

T585 bye\ Gro, : by Coll., Haal, : hy$ Q. 1588 BiomiU cm. 1595 vnt6\ 
into ffoMl. 1599 ^^] GrO' - ^^^ O't Coll., Ifasl, 1605 for} om. Hasl. 



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a84 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Heauen is our heritage^ 
Earth but a players stage^ \ 
H a Mount wee vnto the sky. 

I am sick, I must dye: 

Lord, haue mercy on vs. i6i 

Summer. Beshrew mee, but thy song hath moued mee. 
Will Summer. Lord^haue mercy on vs, how lamentable 

*ti8l 

Enter Vertumnus with Christmas and Backwinter. 

Vertumnus. I haue dispatdit, my Lord ; I haue brought 
you them you sent mee for. i5,q 

Will Sumer. What saist thou ? hast thou made a good 
batch ? I pray thee, giue mee a new loafe. 

Summer. Christmas, how chauce thou com'st not as 
the rest, 
Accompanied with some musique, or some song? 
A merry Carroll would haue grac't thee well ; 1635 

Thy ancestors haue vs'd it heretofore. 

Christmas. I, antiquity was the mother of ignorance : 
this latter world, that sees but with her spectacles, hath 
spied a pad in those sports more then they could. 

Summer. What, is 't against thy conscience for to sing ? 1630 

Christmas. No, nor to say, by my troth, if I may get 
a good bargaine. 

Summer. Why, thou should'st spend, thou should'st not 
care to get 
Christmas is god of hospitality. 

Christmas. So will he neuer be of good husbandry. 1 1635 
may say to you, there is many an old god that is now growne 
out of fashion. So is the god of hospitality. 

Summer. What reason canst thou giue he should be left ? 

Christmas. No other reason, but that Gluttony is a sinne, 
& too many dunghils are infectious. A mans belly was 1640 

1617 ' Lord, ... OS,* CM, H<uL : Lord, . . cv / Gro, 1631 No^ not to HomI. 
i<^33'4 Why . • . honpitaUtj.] as wm, CoU^ HomL, Gro. : as prose, Q. 
1633 fthonla'ft spend Q. 



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AND- TESTAMENT 285 

not made for a poudring beefe tub : to feedethe poore twelue 
dayes, & let them stanie all the yeare after, would but stretch 
out the guts wider then they should be, & so make famine 
a bigger den in their bellies then he had before. I should 
[645 kill an oxe, & haue some such fellow as Milo to come and 
eate it vp at a mouth-full ; | Or, like the Sybarites^ do H a^ 
nothing all one yeare but bid ghestes against the next yeare. 
The scraping of trenchers you thinke would put a man to no 
charges. It is not a hundreth pound a yeare would seme 
1650 the scullions in dishclouts. My house stands vpon vaults ; 
it will fall if it be ouer-loden with a multitude. Besides, 
haue you neuer read of a city that was vnderminde and 
destroyed by Mowles ? So, say I keepe hospitalitie, and 
a whole faire of beggers bid me to dinner euery day, what 

1655 with making legges, when they thanke me at their going 
away, and setling their wallets handsomly on their backes, 
they would shake as many lice on the ground as were able 
to vndermine my house^ and vndoe me vtterly : It is their 
prayers would builde it againe, if it were ouerthrowne by 

1660 this vermine, would it? I pray, who begun feasting and 
gourmandize first, but Sardanapalus, Nero^ Heliogabalus^ 
CommoduSy tyrSLts^ whoremasters^ vnthrifts ? Some call them 
Emperours, but I respect no crownes but crownes in the 
purse. Any ma may weare a siluer crowne, that hath made 

1665 a fray in Smithfield, & lost but a peece of his braine pan : 

And to tell you plaine, your golden crownes are little better 

in substance, and many times got after the same sort 

Summer. Grosse-headed sot, how light he makes of state I 

Autumne. Who treadeth not on stars, when they are 

fallen? 

1670 Who talketh not of states, when they are dead ? 
A foole conceits no further then he sees, 

1646 mouth-fiill. I Or Q. Sykariies Q : SyUIitet Coll. {which ffatl. 

says is the reading of Q), 1649 charges: it CoU.f /fail,: chirgei? 

It Gro. 1651 oYcrladen Coll., Haul. 1653 So say I, keep Coll. : So, 

say I, keep HomI., Gro. hospitalitie and ColL^ ffazl. 1654 day. What 
ffasl. : daj : what Gro. 1658 It is] Is it ColL^HaaU. 1661 gormandisfing] 
HomU io6a Tnthxiits. Coll., Had. : Tnthriftsl Gro. 1665-6 pan. And Q. 



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286 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

He hath no scence of ought but what he feeles. 

Christfftas. I, I, such wise men as you come to b^[geat 
such fooles doores as we be. 

Autumne. Thou shutst thy dore ; how should we b^ of 1675 
thee? 
No almes but thy sincke carries from thy house. 

Wil Summer. And I can tell you, that 's as plentifull 
almes for the plague as the sheriffes tub to them of Newgate. 

Autumne. For feasts thou keepest none, cankers thou 
feedst: 
The wormes will curse thy flesh another day, 1680 

Because it yeeldeth them no fatter pray. 

Christmas. What wormes do another day I care not, 
but He be swome vpon a whole Kilderkin of single Beere, 
H 3 I will not I haue a worme-eaten nose like a Pursiuant, while 
I liue. Feasts are but puffing vp of the flesh, the purueyers 1685 
for diseases ; trauell, cost, time, ill spent O, it were a trim 
thing to send, as the Romanes did, round about the world 
for prouision for one banquet. I must rig^e ships to Samos 
for Peacocks, to Paphos for Pigeons, to Austria for Oysters, 
to Phasis for Phesants, to Arabia for Yhxsm^^^to Meander 1690 
for Swans, to the Orcades for Geese, to Phrigia for Wood- 
cocks, to Malta for Cranes, to the Isle of Man for Puffins, to 
Ambracia for Goates, to Tartole for Lampreys, to Egypt for 
Dates, to Spaine for Chestnuts ; and all for one feast !* 

Wil Summer. O sir, you need not ; you may buy them 1695 
at London better cheape. 

Christmas. Liberalitas liberalitateperit; loue me a little 
and loue me long : our feete must haue wherewithall to feede 
the stones ; our backs walles of wooll to keepe out the colde 
that besi^[eth our warme blood ; our doores must haue z^oo 
barres, our dubblets must haue buttons. Item, for an olde 
sword to scrape the stones before the dore with, three 
halfe-pence: for stitching a wodden tanckard that was 

1679 ^^^ ^^^ 1^^^ diseases, traiieU Q. time iU Q, 1600 

Phsenixes Q, Gro. 1697 me little ffatl. 170a with ; three Coll^ Hati, : 
with : three Gro. 1703 halfe-penoe for Q, CoU^ HomI.^ Gro. 



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AND TESTAMENT aS; 

burst — ^These Water-bearers will empty the conduit and 

1705 a mans coffers at once. Not a Porter that brings a man a 

letter, but will haue his penny. I am afraid to keepe past 

one or two seruants, least, hungry knaues, they should rob 

me : and those I keepe, I warrant I do not pamper vp too 

lusty ; I keepe them vnder with red Herring and poore lohn 

1710 all the yeare long. I haue dambd vp all my chimnies for 

feare (though I bume nothing but small cole) my house 

should be set on fire with the smoake. I will not deny, 

but once in a dozen yeare, when there is a great rot of 

sheepe, and I know not what to do with them, I keepe open 

1 715 house for all thebeggers, in some of my out-yardes ; marry, 

they must bring bread with them, I am no Baker. 

JVil Summer. As good men as you, and haue thought 
no scome to serue their prentiships on the pillory. 

Summer. Winter, is this thy sonne? hear'st how he 
talkes? 
1720 Winter^ I am his father, therefore may not speake, ( 
But otherwise I could excuse his fault. Hs"" 

Summer. Christmas, I tell thee plaine, thou art a 
snudge. 
And wert not that we loue thy father well. 
Thou shouldst haue felt what longs to Auarice. 
1735 It is the honor of Nobility 

To keepe high dayes and solemne festiuals : 
Then, to set their magnificence to view, 
y To frolick open with their fauorites, 

' And vse their neighbours with all curtesie ; 

' 1730 When thou in huggar mugger spend'st thy wealth. 
Amend thy maners, breathe thy rusty gold: 
Bounty will win thee loue, when thou art old. 

Wil Summer. I, that bounty would I faine meete, to 

^ borrow money of; he is fairely blest now a dayes that 

1735 scapes blowes when he b^ges. Verba dandi 6r reddendi 

1704 bnist. These Q» Coll.^ ffoMl., Gro. 171a deny] dine Ha*i,^ Gro. 

X714 them ; I H(ul.^ Gro, 1717-8 thought it no Coll,^ HomI. 1730 

wealth, Gro. 1733 would I] I would CoU.^ HoMi. 



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a88 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

goe together in the Grammer rule : there is no^ giuing but 
with condition of restoring : 

Ah, BenediciUy 

Well is he hath no necessitie 

Of gold ne of sustenance ; 1740 

Slowe good hap comes by chance ; 

Flattery best fares ; 

Arts are but idle wares; 

Faire words want giuing hilds; 

The L^to begs that hath no lands ; 1745 

Fie on thee, thou scuruy knaue, 

That hast nought, and yet goest braue: 

A prison be thy death bed, 

Or be hangd all saue the head. 

Summer. Back-winter, stand foorth. 1750 

Vertum. Stand forth, st3Ld forth ; hold vp your head, 

speak out 
Back'Tvinter. What, should I stand ? or whether should 

I go? 
Summer. Autumne accuseth thee of sundry crimes, 
Which heere thou art to cleare, or to confesse. 

Back'Winter. With thee or Autumne haue I nought to do: 1755 
I would you were both hanged face to face. 
Summer. Is this the reuerence that thou ow'st to vs ? 
Back-winter. Why not? what art thou? Shalt thou 

alwayes liue? 
Autumne. It is the veriest Dog in Christendome. 
Winter. That 's for he barkes at such a knaue as thou. 1760 
Back-winter. Would I could barke the sunne out of 
the sky; 
Tume Moone and starres to frozen Meteors, { 

1738-49 Ah . . . head.] as verse. Coll., HomL, Grv,: as prose, Q {pU first 
words of lines I. e. except Aru). 1740 ne] nor Coll.^ Hazl. 1747 goes 

CoU.,bazl. 1753 stand, or Coll., HomL, Gro, whither Coll,, Nasi, 

1753 accases Coll,, Had. 1756 were both] both were CoU,, Had. 1758 
"'^ ^' , . line ?] So printed in ColL^ HasL, Gro. : as two line, Q. 



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AND TESTAMENT 289 

And make the Ocean a diy land of Yce ; H 4 

With tempest of my breath turne vp high trees, 
17^5 On mountaines heape vp second mounts of snowe, 

Which, melted into water, might fall downe, 

As fell the deluge on the former world. 

I hate the Byrt^ the fire, the Spring, the yeare. 

And what so eVe brings mankinde any good. 
1770 O that my lookes were lightning to blast fruitesl 

Would I with thunder presently might dye, 

So I might speake in tiiunder, to slay men. 

Earth, if I cannot iniure thee enough. 

He bite thee with my teeth. He scratch thee thus; 
^ 1775 He beate downe the partition with my heeles, 

Which, as a mud-vault, seuers hell and thee. 

Spirits, come vp ; 'tis I that knock for you. 

One that enuies the world farre more then you: 

Come vp in millions; millions are to few 
1780 To execute the malice I intend, 
r Summer. O scelus inauditum^ O vox damnatorumi 

Not raging Hxcuba^ whose hollow eyes 

Gaue sucke to fiftie sorrowes at one time, 

That midwife to so many murders was, 
1785 Vsde halfe the execrations that thou doost. 

Back-winter, More I wil vse, if more I may preuaile : 

Back-winter comes but seldome foorth abroad. 

But when he comes, he pincheth to the proofe ; 

Winter is milde, his Sonne is rough and steme. 
1790 Ouid could well write of my tyrranny. 

When he was banisht to the frozen Zoane. 

Summer^ And banisht be thou frd my fertile bounds. 

Winter, imprison him in thy darke Cell, 
^ Or, with the windes, in bellowing caues of brasse, 
I 1795 Let steme Hippotades locke him vp safe, 

Ne^re to peepe foorth, but when thou, faint and weake, 

Want'st him to ayde thee in thy raiment 

1776 Which] That CoU., Had. 1779 to[o] Gro. 1795 Hippotades] 
ColL conj.. Haul., Gro, : Hipporiatos Q. 

Ill U 



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290 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

Back-winter. I will peepe foorth, thy kingdome to 
supplant : | 
H 4^ My father I will quickly freeze to death, 

And then sole Monarch will I sit, and thinke, 1800 

How I may banish thee, as thou doost me. 

Winter. I see my downefall written in his browes ; 
Conuay him hence to his assigned hell. 
Fathers are giuen to loue their sonnes too well. 

[Exit Back-winter."] 

Wil Summer. No, by my troth, nor mothers neither : 1805 
I am sure I could neuer finde it. This Back-winter 
playes a rayling part to no purpose ; my small learning 
findes no reason for it, except as a Back-winter or an 
after winter is more raging tempestuous and violent then 
the beginning of Winter, so he brings him in stamping iSio 
and raging as if he were madde, when his father is a 
iolly milde quiet olde man, and stands still and does 
nothing. The court accepts of your meaning ; you might 
haue writ in the margent of your play-booke. Let there be 
a fewe rushes laide in the place where Back-winter shall 1815 
tumble, for feare of raying his cloathes: or set downe, 
Enter Back-winter, with his boy bringing a brush after 
him, to take off the dust if need require. But you will 
ne're haue any ward-robe wit while you liue. I pr^ 
you holde the booke well, we be not nan plus in the i8ao 
latter end of the play. 

Summer. This is the last stroke my toungs clock must 
strike, 
My last will, which I will that you performe : 
My crowne I haue disposde already of. 
Item, I giue my withered flowers and herbes 1825 

Vnto dead corses, for to decke them with ; 

1804 s. D. Exit Back-wiHter:\ CfiU,^ Had.^ Gro.i om. Q. 18 13 

nothing. — The Grc. mtaning. Yoa Oi/., /Tot/. : meaning. — Y<mGrv, 1814 
written Cat/., HatL maigin CoU,^ Hail. i8ao weU ; we C0II. : well; 

[that J we JJmI. : well [that] we Gro. nmfm Q : nm-plus ColL 



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AND TESTAMENT 291 

My shady walkes to great mens seruitors, 
Who in their masters shadowes waike secure ; 
My pleasant open zyre^ and fragrant sroels, 

1830 To Croyden and the grounds abutting round ; 
My heate and warmth to toyling labourers, 
My long dayes to bondmen and prisoners, 
My short nights to young married soules, 
My drought and thirst to drunkards quenchlesse throates, 

1835 My fruites to Autumne^ my adopted heire, 

My murmuring springs, musicians of sweete sleepe, 
To murmuring male-contents, with their well tun'de cares, | 
Channel'd in a sweete falling quaterzaine, ii 

Do lull their eares asleepe, listning themselues. 

1840 And finally; O words, now dense your course, 
Vnto Eliza^ that most sacred Dame, 
Whom none but Saints and Angels ought to name. 
All my faire dayes remaining I bequeath. 
To waite vpon her till she be returnd. 

1845 Autumne, I charge thee, when that I am dead, 
Be prest and seruiceable at her beck. 
Present her with thy goodliest ripened fruites, 
Vnclothe no Arbors where she euer sate, 
Touch not a tree thou thinkst she may passe by. 

1850 And, Winter, with thy wrythcn frostie face, 

Smoothe vp thy visage, when thou lookst on her; 

Thou neuer lookst on such bright maiestie: 

A charmed circle draw about her court, 

Wherein warme dayes may daunce, & no cold come ; 

1855 On seas let winds make warre, not vexe her rest. 
Quiet inclose her bed, thought flye her brest. 
Ah, gracious Qucene, though Summer pine away, 
Yet let thy flourishing stand at a stay; 
First droupe this vniuersals aged frame, 

1833 Dight Coll, Mj sboit Dight[s] to young [im]iiiarried souls /Tas/. : My 
shoTtTest] nights to young [new] married sonles Gro, 1837 To malcontents 
[who], with their well-tnn d ears, /fail, : To murmuring male-contents, whose 
well tnn'd cares, Grc, 1839 cu^] cures ZTos/. 1840 finally,---0 . . • 

course 1 — Gr», 

V a 



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a9a SVMMERS LAST WILL 

EVe any malady thy strength should tame: iSfe 

Heauen raise vp pillers to vphold thy hand, 

Peace may haue still his temple in thy land. 

Loe, I haue said ; this is the totall siunme. 

Autumne and Winter, on your faithfulnesse 

For the performance I do firmely builde. 1865 

Farewell, my friends ; Summer bids you farewell, 

Archers, and bowlers, all my followers, 

Adieu, and dwell with desolation ; 

Silence must be your masters mansion : 

Slow marching thus, discend I to the feends. i^ 

Wcepe, heauens, mourne, earth, here Summer ends. 

Heere the Satyres and Wood-nimphes carry him 
out, singing as he came in. \ 

' The Song. 

Autumne hath all the Summers fruitefull treasure; 

Gone is our sport, fled is poore Croydens pleasure : 

Short dayes, sharpe dayes, long nights come on a pctce^ 

Ah, who shall hide vs from the Winters face t 1875 

Colde dooth increase, the sicknesse will not cease. 

And here we lye, God knowes, with little ease: 

From winter, plague, &r pestilence, good Lord^ deliuer vs. 

London dooth mourne, Lambith is quite forlorne. 
Trades cry. Woe worth that euer they were borne : >S8o 

The want of Terme is towne and Cities harme ; 
Close chambers we do want, to keepe vs warme, 
Long banished must we Hue from our friends: 
This lowe built house will bring vs to our ends. 
From winter, plague, 6r pestilence, good Lord, deliuer vs. 1885 

Wil Summer. How is't ? how is't ? you that be of the 
grauer sort, do you thinke these youths worthy of a Plaudite 
for praying for the Queene, and singing of the Letany? 

1870 marching thiu descend Coil, : marching, thus descend HomL 1878 

Winter Gro. 1879 monrm Q. 1888 sbging the CoiU, HaU, 



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AND TESTAMENT 293 

they are poore fellowes I must needes say, and haue 
1 890 bestowed great labour in sowing leaues, and grasse, and 
strawe, and mosse vpon cast suites. You may do well 
to warme your hands with clapping, before you go to 
bed, and send them to the taueme with merry hearts. 
Here is a pretty boy comes with an Epilogue, to get Enter a 
1895 him audacity. I pray you sit still a little, and heare him ^j[^ 
say his lesson without booke. It is a good boy ; be not Epilogue. 
afraide; tume thy face to my Lord. Thou and I will 
play at poutch to morrow morning for a breakfast. Come 
and sit on my knee, and He daunce thee^ if thou canst 
iS>oo not indure to stand. I 



The Epilogue. 

VLissiSy a Dwarflfe, and the prolocutor for the Grx- 
ciansy gaue me leaue, that am a Pigmee, to doe an 
Embassage to you from the Cranes : Gentlemen, (for 
Kings are no better,) certaine humble Animals, called our 

1905 Actors, commend them vnto you ; who, what offence they 
haue committed I know not (except it be in purloyning 
some houres out of times treasury, that might haue beene 
better imployde), but by me (the agent for their imper- 
fections) they humbly craue pardon, if happily some of 

1910 their termes haue trodde awrye, or their tongues stumbled 
vnwittingly on any mans content. In much Come is some 
Cockle ; in a heape of coyne heere and there a peece of 
Copper ; wit hath his dregs as well as wine ; words their 
waste, Inke his blots, euery speech his Parenthesis ; Poetical 

1915 fury, as well Crabbes as Sweetings for his Summer fruites. 
Netno sapit omnibus haris. Their folly is deceased, their feare 
is yet lining. Nothing can kill an Asse but colde : colde 

* Bnttr . . . Epitogm^ As s. D. efitr hearti. ColL^ Had,, Gro, 

1890 lewinff CM^ Had, 1894-5 Epilogiie: to get him andacity, I Gro, 
SS9S for break£ut CoU.^ HomL 1908 imployde ; but Q. for] of CpU.^ 
HoMi. 1909 haply CoiLt HmL 



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294 SVMMERS LAST WILL 

entertainement, discouraging scofTes, authorized di^races, 
may kill a whole litter of young Asses of them heere at 
once, that haue traueld thus farre in impudence, onely in 1920 
hope to sit a sunning in your smiles. The Romanes dedi- 
cated a Temple to the feuer quartane, thinking it some 
great God, because it shooke them so : and another, to 
III fortune in Exquilliis^ a Mountaine in Roome, that it 
should not plague them at Cardes and Dice. Your Graces 1935 
frownes are to them shaking feuers, your least disfauours 
the greatest ill fortune that may betide them. They can 
builde no Temples, but themselues and their best indeuours, 
with all prostrate reuerence, they here dedicate and offer 
vp wholy to your seruice. Sis bonus^ O^fxlixque fuis. To 1930 
make the gods merry, the ccelestiall clowne Vulcan tim'de 
his polt foote to the measures of ApoUoes Lute, and 
I a'' daunst a limping Gall}rard in lotus starrie hall. | To 
make you merry, that are the Gods of Art and guides 
vnto heauen, a number of rude VulcanSy vnweldy speak- 19^ 
ers, hammer-headed clownes (for so it pleaseth them in 
modestie to name themselues) haue set their deformities 
to view, as it were in a daunce here before you. Beare 
with their wants, lull melancholie asleepe with their ab- 
surdities, and expect hereafter better fruites of their Industrie. 1940 
Little creatures often terrifie great beasts: the Elephant 
flyeth from a Ramme, the Lyon from a Cock and from 
fire, the Crocodile from all Sea-fish, the Whale from the 
noyse of parched bones ; h'ght toyes chase great cares. 
The great foole Toy hath marde the play: Good night, 1945 
Gentlemen; I go. 

\Let him be carryed awity. 

Wil Summer. Is't true. Jackanapes, doo you seme 

me so ? As sure as this coate is too short for me, all the 

Points of your hoase for this are condemnde to my pocket, 

1930 haue] hath CoIL^HomI. I9H '*^ ^^- '934 ^^ S^^ ^^ ffaxl. 
1944 cares : the ColL^ HcuU, : caret.->The Gro, 1945 s. D. IM . . . amt^S 
^j s. D. ColL^ HomI. , GrQ» : as part of text Q, which reads I go, let him be caxryed 
away. 



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AND TESTAMENT 295 

^50 if you and I eVe play at spanne Counter more, Vakte^ 
spectatores; pay for this sport with a Plaudite^ and the next 
time the winde blowes from this comer, we will make you 
ten times as merry. 



Barbarus hie ego sum, quia non 
^55 intelligor vUi. 



FINIS. 



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SHORTER PIECES 



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LATIN VERSES 
ON ECCLESIASTICUS 41 i 

jW MfM^ ^^<Cl. ||M MNr ««ail|. «^^ 
^if 4MM 'te&Aib liaffi ■#■■ ■■■■■ 



TiUtidtiticai ^fi^a.^tm.m . 



S#«g& 



These verses are found ninth among a collection of eleven 
sets of verses on the same subject in the State Papers at the 
Record Office (Dom. Add. Eliz. vol 29, f, 167 ^). Each 
poem is carefully written on one leaf of a doubled sheet of 

* The eleven sett of Tenet occopj ff. 151-i^a, altenutte leaves being blank. 
At the time when these papers were calendared, the nnmbering of the folios was 
different, the verses by Nashe then being on C 8a ; the onKf of the several 
pieces was, however, the same as at present There is nothing to indicate 
whether this order has any tignificanoe: with one exception the names ace 
placed alphabeticaUy. 



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LATIN VERSES 299 

paper, and, as all are in different hands, it may, I think, be 
concluded that each is in the writing of its composer. 

The signatures affixed to the eleven poems are as 
follows (in most cases the author's county is added) : — 

I. Joannes Archer. 2. Guilielmus Bailie, Salopiensis. 
3. Joannes Conierus, dunelmensis. 4. Lionel Ducket. 
5. Gulielmus Harris. 6. Robertus MUls, Lincolniensis. 
7* Rodolphus Smithe, Lincolniensis. 8. Guilielmus 
Mottershed, Northamptoniensis. 9. Thomas Nashe, 
SufTolciensis. 10. Guilielmus Orwell, Norfoldensis. 
II. Thomas Wilsonus, Norfolciensis. 

The facsimile here given is much reduced : the dimensions 
of the original writings i. e. those of the smallest rectangle 
which would contain it with two sides parallel to its lines, 
are 6i inches in height by 7! in width. The length of 
Nashe's signature, including flourishes, is ^xV inches. The 
leaf, or half sheeti of paper on which the poem is written 
is la by 8 inches. 

Eccle. cap. 41. ver. i^ 

O Mors quam acerba est recordatio tua, homini vtenti 
pace, in facultatibus suis. 

Quos mala nulla prnnunt, quos nulla pericula cingunt, 

hos rapide cruciat mortis acerba dies: 
Quos nutrit alma quies, quos iactat nulla procella, 

dura widetur ijs mors miseranda viris. 
Quos iucunda quies, quos omant foedera pads, 

hos mors nigra mouet, tristis & hora pr^mit: 
Quos Arabi fortuna fauet, quos copia Croesi, 

hos mors pallenti p^culit atra metu. 

Thomas Nashe discipulus Diui lohan- 
nis, pro illustrissima domina Margareta 
Fundatrice. An. Dom. 1585. 
SufTolciensis. 



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PREFACE TO R. GREENE'S 
*MENAPHON' 

Entry in the Stationer i Register : 

23® die August! [1589] / 
Sampson Gierke /Entred for his Copie, menophon 
Camillas allarum to slumberinge 
Ephewes in his melancholy cell at 
Silexedria. / Vnder th[e h]andes of 
Master doctour Staller and bothe the 

Wardens. vj */ 

{S. R., ed. Arber, IL 5119.) 

Editions: (i) Early: 

1589. MENAPHON I Camillas alarum to | flumbering 
Euphues, in his | nulancholie Cell at 5/-|lexedra. | Wherein 
are deciphered the variable effects \ of Fortune, the wonders 
of Loue, the Xn-^mphes of inconstant Time. \ Difplaying in 
fundrie conceipted pafsions (figu-|r^^/ in a continuate 
HiStorie) the Trcphees that \ Vcrtue carrieth triumphant, 
maugre | the wrath of Enuie^ or the refo-|lution of Fortune. 
A worke worthie the youngeft eares | for pleafure, or 
the graueB cenfures \ for principles. \ Robertus Greene 
in Artibus magifter. | Omne tuUt punctum. \ [ornament] | 
LONDON I PrinUd by T. O.for Sampfon Clarke, \ and are 
to be fold behinde the Roy-|all Exchange. 1589. 
No colophon. Quarto. Not paged. 

CollaHon : *•, ♦♦*, A-K*, U. (#i) Title, v. blank. #2 * To the 
right Worshipfull and ver-tuous Ladie, theLadu Halesy wife to the late 



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PREFACE TO R. GREENE'S 'MENAPHON' 301 

deceased Sir lames Hales • . / Rom. and ItaL #a^ * To the Gentle* 
men Rea-^^prj, health: Ital. and Rom. ♦♦ *To the Gentlemen 
Students of both Vniuersities: Rom. and Ital. R-T. To the 
Gentlemen | Students. [A3 wanting.] (A 4) '♦ In laudem Authoris, 
Distichonamoris: Ital. and Rom,(St£yted) HRKKiKyTCliiEAR GeaHt- 
man. A 4^ '♦ Thomas Brabine Gent m praise of the Author: Ital. 
and Rom. B. ^Arcadia, (in place of R-T.) The reports of the 
Shepheards.' B. Z., Rom.^ and Ital. R-T. The reports of the | 
Shepheards. 

Signatures are in Black Letter with Arabic numerals except A, A 2, 
which are in Roman, and B, F, I a, 1 3, Italic. Fourth leaves not 
signed. 

Catch-words: ^2. To 2*i. I a*2. of 2*3. howers 2*4. hunger 
A I. (ma-)ny, A 2. of B i. IVhen C i. then D i. was E i. thee, 
F I. Meli'(certus) G I. (o-)rators H I. (renow-)med 1 1. 1 K i. 
is L I. stiffe (Those of sheets #, 2*, and A in Roman, those of B i, 
F I, m Italic, the rest in Black Letter.) 

Copy used'. That in the British Museum (95. b. i8, (5.)), which 
wants A3. 

1599- [See the ' List of the Works of Robert Greene ' by 
J. H[aslewood]. in Brydges* Censura Liter aria^ vol. viii, 
p. 386.] 

I cannot trace any copy of this edition, nor have I been able to 
discover from whence Haslewood took the date. An imperfect copy 
in the Library of Mrs. Christie-Miller at Britwell Court may possibly 
belong to this edition, though it is of course impossible to say with 
certainty that it does sa It is in quarto, without pagination^ and 
wants all before B i, and all after K 3^. 

Begins on B ' Greenes Arcadia | The reports of the Shepheards.' 
B, Z., Rom.^ and Ital. R-T. Greenes Arcadia. 

Catch-words: B i. When C I. mildlie D i. was £ I. thee, 
Ti.Meli-icertus) G I. (0-)rators H i. (renow-)med 1 1. might Ki.is 

It will be seen that in arrangement and catch- words there is a general 
correspondence with the edition of 1589, while the running-title is the 
same as that of 1610. It thus seems that it may well belong to an 
edition intermediate between these two, and as an imperfect copy of 
the work at Trinity College, Cambridge, also, apparently, of about this 
date, corresponds more closely with the 1610 edition, I presume that 
this was the earlier of the two and place it here. 

1605. [See Censura Liter aria^ as above.] 



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$02 PREFACE TO R. GREENE'S 'MENAPHON' 

As in the case of the edition of 1599, 1 can trace no copy, and cannot 
learn what is the ultimate authority for the date given. An imper&ct 
copy of the work at Trinity College, Cambridge, may possibly belong 
to ^is edition, and is accordingly described here. It is a quarto, not 
paged, running to L 4 in fours : it wants all before B i, also £ 4, F i. 

(T.) Begins on B. ' and set before our eyes a more perfect methode 
of studie.' (p. 317 1. 30 in the present edition.) I^om. and Ital, R-T. To 
the Gentlemen \ Students, (on B r-B2 To the Gentlemen. \ Students.) 
(B 4)^ verses signed * Henry Vpcher.' C. * Greenes Arcadia, (as R-T.) 
The reporU of the Shepheards.' B. JLy Rom.^ and Ital. R-T. Greenes 
Arcadia, (frequently with a tailed a and no stop.) 

Signatures are in Black Letter, with Arabic numerals, except those 
of sheet B and G 2, K 2 and L 2, in which the letter is Roman. Fourth 
leaves are not signed. 

Catch-words: B i. vnleamed B 2. deeme B 3. least C i. 
When C 2^. (Vo-)taries D i. but E i. A [F I. wanting] G i. his 
G 2^. (ring-)lea-(der) H i. ignorance H 2^ warrant H 3. Farewell 
1 1. (Hes-)peria, K i. As L i. both (Those of sheet B and of C I, 
H 3, 1 1, and K i in Roman, others in Black Letter.) 

It will be seen that the running-title of the Epistle in this copy 
resembles that of 1589 in extending over two pages instead of being 
repeated on every page as in 16 10 and 1616, while, on the other hand, 
the running-title of the work itself agrees with that of 16 10. In general 
arrangement and in catch-words T agrees with 1610, to which edition 
it seems altogether to be more closely related than to I589\ The 
readings of what remains of the Epistle agree generally with the later, 
but occasionally with the earlier edition '. 

Thus, although we have hardly sufficient evidence to settle the 
matter positively, it is, I think, not unreasonable to conclude that in 
date this imperfect copy comes between 1589 and 1610, and that it 
should be placed after the Britwell copy in view of the closer affinity 
which the latter has to 1 589. As to the subsidiary question of whether 
it is on the direct line of descent between 1589 and 1610 I can say 

^ It may be remarked that the editions of 1610 and 1616, so far at least as 
the Epistle is concerned, agree page for page and generally line for line, while 
T also generally a£rees with them line for line, bnt not page for page. It might 
be expected that ft-om the cases in which the editions disagree in this respect 
we m^ht deduce something as to their relationship, bnt it seems impossible to 
do so. The fact that in the concluding paragraph the line-endings of T agree 
with 1616 against 16 10 mi^ht suggest that T is really 1654, hut this is more 
than balanced by cases in which T agrees with 1610 against 1616. The edition 
of 1589 is not divided into paragraphs, and therefore naturally differs in lin*- 
division from the later ones. 

' The readhi^ which seem of most importance in determining the relation- 
ship of the editions are those noted at p. 318, 11. 18, 19^ so, p. 530, 11. a, 6, 7, 
II, p. 333, U. 1-3, 37, p. 334, L la 



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PREFACE TO R. GREENE'S 'MENAPHON' 303 

nothing. It seems to have been the general practice to print each 
edition of a book from the one immediately preceding, and the great 
majority of the readings accord perfectly with the theory that this was 
done in the present instance. On the other hand, there are two or three 
cases ^ of 1589 and 1610 agreemg in a reading against T, though it 
cannot be said that any of them are of much importance. This of 
course suggests that T may have been an offshoot from an edition 
intermediate between the others. 

1610. GREENES I ARCADIA. | OR \ MENAPHON : 
CAMIL-|laes Alarum to flumber Eu-|phues in his Melan- 
choly I Cell at Silexedra. | Wherein are defciphered, the 
variable effects | of Fortune, the wonders of Loue, the 
tri-|umphs of inconftant Time. | A workc worthy the 
yongeft eares for pleafure, | or the graueft cenfures for 
principles. | By ROBERTVS Greenr,/« Artu\bus Magifter. \ 
Omne tulit punctum. | [device : Smethwick's, smew with 
scroll bearing 'wick' in its bill, motto NON ALTVM 
PETO . . I . S .] I LONDON \ Printed for Tohn Smethwicke, 
and are to be fold at his Shop | in Saint Dunfianes 
Church-yard vnder the Diall, J in Fleeteftreete. 1610. 

Ko colophon. Quarto. Not paged. 

Collation : A-L*. (Ai) Title, v. blank. A 2 * TO THE GETLE- 
MEN STVDENTS . . .' Rom. and Ital. R-T. To the Gentlemen 
Students. (B 4)v verses signed * Henry Vpcher.' C * The reports 
of the Shepheards.' B. Z., Rom.t and Ital. R-T. Greenes 
Arcadia. 

Signatures are in Black Letter, with Arabic numerals, except those 
of sheets A, B, and Ci, £ i, G2, K i, K 2, L 2, which have Roman 
letters. Fourth leaves are not signed. 

Catch-words : A 2. their A 3. But A 4. French B i. Latine, B 2. 
(discoue-)red B 3. praise, C i. When C 2\ (Vo-)tarie8 D i. but 
E I. A F I. (ex-)cellency G i. his G 2\ (Ring-)lea-(der) H i. 
ignorance H2v. warrant H 3. Farewell 1 1. (Hes-)peria Ki. As 
L I. both (Those of sheets A, B, and of C l, £ I, H 3, 1 1, and K i 
in Roman, others in Black Letter.) 

Copy used: That in the British Museum (95. b. 15.}. 

^ See the collation notes on p. 331, IL aa, 33, p. 333, L 8. 



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304 PREFACE TO R. GREENE'S *MENAPHON' 

1616. GREENES I ARCADIA, | OR \ MENAPHON : 
Ca-|millaes Alarum to flumber Ev-|PHVES in his Mdaa- 
choly Cell at | Silexedra. | Wherein are defcyphered, the 
variable effects of \ FoRTVNE, the wonders of LoVE, the | 
triumphs of inconftant Time. | A worke, worthy the 
yongeft eares for pleafure, | OR, | The grauefi cenfures for 
principles. \ By ROBERTVS GREENE, in Artibus Magifter. | 
Omne /«////««r/«»«.|—| [device as in \fiio?^\—\LONIION\ 
Printed by W. Stansby for /. Smethwicke^ and are to 
be fold I at his Shop in S. Dunfianes Church-yard vnder 
the I Dyall, in Fleet-ftreet. 1616. 

No colophon. Quarto. Not paged. 

A-L*. (A I) Tide, v. blank. Aa *T0 THE GENTLEMEN 
STVDENTS...' Rom.andltal. K-T. To the Gentlemen Students. 
(B 4)'' verses signed * Henry Vpcher.' C * The reports of the Shep- 
heards.' BX.^Rom.^and Jtal. R-T. Greenes Arcadia. 

Signatures as in the edition of 161O9 but E3, H3, and I are Roman. 

Catch-words : As in the edition of 1610 (so far as given), except 
C v, such F I. (ex-)cellency ; G 2\ (Ring-)leader H 2^. war-(rant) 
H 3 Fare-(well) (The last in Roman.) 

Copy used: That in the British Museum (C. 40. e. 5). 

1634* [See Censura Liter aria^ vol. viii, p. 386.] 

I have been unable to trace any copy of this edition or to kam 
anything about it \ 

(2) Modern Editions: 

1808. Censura Literaria . . . [Edited by (Sir) S. E. 
Brydges] . . . London : for Longman, Hurst, &c 1805-9. 
Vol. vii, pp. 152-69. 

In the original spelling. Edited by J. H[a8lewood]. from the edition 
of 1 6 16. There are a few notes. Tlie Epistle alone is printed in full, 
some account of the rest of the work, with extracts, being given at 
pp. 265-72. 

1815. Archaica. Containing a Reprint of Scarce Old 
English Prose Tracts. With Prefaces ... by Sir E. 

* The itatoment in Mr. Hazlitt*s Handbook^ p. 238, that it was reprinted in 
Archaica is an error, if, indeed, it is intended to rder to this edition, as it 
appears to do, and not to the work generally. 



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PREFACE TO R. GREEN'S *MENAPHON' 305 

Brydges, • . • London : Longman, Hurst, &c. Vol. i, (Part 
the Second). 

In modern spelling from the edition of 1616. The whole work. 

1878. The English Scholar's Library of Old and Modem 
Works. No. 12. Robert Greene, M.A. Menaphon. 

In the original spelling. Edited by Prof. E, Arber from the edition 
of 1589. The copy used is not stated. The part of the Epistle which 
Is wanting in the copy of -89 at the British Museum corresponds 
closely with -10 and may be from this edition. A Limited I^ibrary 
Edition of the same was published in 1880, and the work has since 
been reissued by Messrs. Constable. 

188 1-3. The Life and Complete Works ... of Robert 
Greene . . . edited by A. B. Grosart. Vol. vi, pp. 9-28. 

In the original spelling, from the copy of -89 in the British Museum, 
except the last page of the Epistle, which is apparently from -10. 

1883-4 (Gro.) The Complete Works of Thomas Nashe 
. . . edited by A. B. Grosart. Vol. i, pp. xix-xxxviii. 
The Epistle alone, reprinted from the Worics of Greene. 

1904 (Smith) Elizabethan Critical Essays . . . edited . . . 
by G. Gregory Smith. Oxford : at the Clarendon Press. 
Vol. i, pp. 307-3^0. 

In the original spelling, with modem punctuation, from the copy of 
-89 at the British Museum, the part there wanting being supplied 
from -10. The Epistle alone. There are six pages of notes. 

1905. (The present edition.) 

From the copy of -10 at the British Museum with collations horn 
-89 and from the imperfect copy at Trinity College, Cambridge. The 
edition of 1616 has also been collated in every case where a difference 
is recorded between the others, but variations of reading found in this 
edition alone are generally ignored. The text of the Epistle, at least 
as printed in 1589, being unusually free from corruption, it has seldom 
hetn necessary to give readings from modem editions, which introduce 
few, if any, emendations. 

Note on the Editions : 

The question of the date of the original publication 
III X 



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3o6 PREFACE TO R- GREEN'S 'MENAPHON' 

of Menaphan will be referred to in the notes, but I may say 
here that there seems to me to be little, if any, reason for 
thinking it to have appeared earlier than 1589 ; while even 
if there was, as has been supposed, an edition in 1587, it is 
unlikely that it contained the Epistle by Nashe, and 
certain that it did not contain it in the form in which 
we now have it ^. As in any case no copy is known to exist 
it is not necessary to discuss the point further at present. 

Of the six editions which are stated to have appeared 
from 1589 to 1634 inclusive*, three, namely those of 1589, 
1610, and 1616, are represented by copies in the Britidi 
Museum, but of the supposed editions of 1599, 1605, and 
1634 I have been able to learn nothing. There are how- 
ever at Britwell Court and at Trinity College, Cambridge, 
two imperfect copies neither of which belongs to an 
edition otherwise known to me. These I have already 
described, giving at the same time my reasons for believing 
that they should be placed between those of 1589 and 
1610. They may thus represent the editions of 1599 and 
1605, though it is of course impossible to say that they 
certainly do so, for we have no means of knowing that the 
traditional list of editions, even if accurate so far as it goes, 
is complete. 

The editions of 1610 and i6i6diflrer from that of 1589 in 
the following respects : 

(i) The title is altered and part of the wording of the 
title-page is omitted. 

(%) The dedication and the author's epistle to the 

^ See J. Petheram^s Introdnction to his reprint of An Almond for a Parrat^ 
1846, pp. iv-viii. The chief arguments against the Epistle ha^g appeared 
in 1587 are the references to ' Martin ' and to ' Tho. Newton with his Inland * 
(c£ p. 315, 1. 3, and p. 320, 1. a8). The entry in the Stationers* Register in 
X589 is hy itself almost conclnsive. 

' The same list of editions, namely 1587, 1589, 15^, 1605, 1610, 1616, and 
1634, ^ wmt cases with doubt or deniu of the first, is given by J. Haslewood 
in the Cemura Literaria, voL viii, p. 386, in A. ^ Wood*s Fcutt Oxon,, ed. Bliss, 
i. 347, Watt*s Bid/, Brit., Lowndes' Bibl Manual, Mr. Hazlitt's Handboolu 
Greene, Dr, Wks., ed. Dyce, Tho Dictionary of National Biography, and 
elsewhere. In no case does it appear that the writer had himsdf seen the 
editions of 1599, 1605, or 1634, ^^ I *^ f^aXit unable to leain on what 
authority they rest in the first instance. 



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PREFACE TO R. GREEN'S «MENAPHON' 307 

gentlemen readers are omitted, as are also the verses by 

* Thomas Brabine/ 

(3) There are a few variations in reading. 
The change in title, that is, the addition of the head- 
title of the work itself, namely * Arcadia,' to the original 

* Menaphon,' may, I think, be attributed to a desire to 
profit by the popularity of Sidney's Arcadia^ which was 
first published in 1590, though it had no doubt been known 
in literary circles many years before. The omission of 
part of the wording of the title-page was perhaps due 
to the printer's wish to use his device, for which the 
full wording of the original would hardly have given room, 
while that of the dedication, epistle to the readers, and the 
verses by 'Brabine' may have been dictated by the 
necessity or convenience of getting the preliminary matter 
into a certain fixed number of pages, this occupying in 
the later editions only eight leaves as against ten in the 
earlier one. 

It is, I think, impossible to claim that such changes 
as these show any revision on the part of the author 
or of any person instructed by him : they may well be due 
to the printer alone. But when we come to the work 
itself, or rather to Nashe's preface to it, with which alone I 
am concerned, we find certain variations of reading, which, 
though in no case are they of much importance, possibly indi- 
catea certain amount of deliberate correction. Whether they 
actually do so or not is a question which must be answered, 
or at least discussed, before it can be decided which edition 
should form the basis of a reprint. 

It is frequently a difficult matter to say whether a change 
in the text of a book is accidental or not and whether, 
if intentional, it is due to the author or to the printer, and 
it is especially difficult when the changes are few in number 
as here, and when the work, at least in the later editions, is 
far from carefully printed. In the present case the problem 
is complicated by the fact that we possess no perfect copy 
of an edition which shows these variations until some ten 



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3o8 PREFACE TO R. GREEN'S 'MENAPHON' 

years after the author's death. If we had the intermediate 
editions and could say at what date the changes first 
appeared it would obviously be of great assistance in 
deciding the point, for if they could be found in an edition 
issued when the author was still living, say in that of 15999 
it would add probability to the theory that he was respon- 
sible for them: if they appeared in the first edition 
published after his death, we should have less ground for 
connecting them with him, though it could indeed be 
argued that the printer might have used a copy of a 
former edition corrected by him ; while if they did not 
appear until still later we could say, with some approach to 
certainty, that he had nothing to do with them. 

The first of the two imperfect copies which I place 
between 1589 and x6io gives us no help at all in the 
matter, for in it the Epistle of Nashe is entirely wanting. 
The second, if I am right in the position which I assign to 
it, supports to some extent the contention that these 
changes in the later editions are due to revision on the 
part of the author, for it shows that the corrections, or 
some of them at least, were earlier than 1610. Unfortun- 
ately however all the more important variations occur 
in the early part of the Epistle, which is wanting in this 
copy. 

We are thus driven to rely chiefly on the nature of 
the changes themselves. These can of course be seen 
in the coUation-notes, but it seems useful to call attention 
here to some of the more important First come two 
cases of words added ^ : 

P. 312, 11. 7-8 deepe read Grammarians -89 : deep read 
Schoolemen or Grammarians -lo. 

P. 314,11. 13-4 vnexperienst punies -89 : vnexperienced 
and illiterated Punies -10. 

Besides these there are a few other changes which can 
hardly be considered as accidental : 

^ The insertioii of the word <aU' at p. 31a, 1. 13 it, I think, probtblj 
aoddeouL 



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PREFACE TO R. GREEN'S *MENAPHON^ 309 

P* 3^3f 1* 19 indifference -89 : difference -lo. 

P* 315. 1. 10 oppose -89: expose -10. 

P. 318, U. 18-9 be -89 : had beene T, -10. 

P. 318, 1. 19 take -89 : tooke T, -10. 

P. 321, L 15 in whole or in a parte --89 : in whole or in part 
T, -10. 

The correction ofcolona to colonia at p. 317,1 23 is balanced 
by the curious change of tandem aliquando at p. 312, 1. 31 to 
the apparently meaningless tanquam aliquando^ a change 
which it seems equally difficult to attribute to a person 
ignorant of Latin and to one acquainted with it 

I cannot maintain that the text gains much, if it gains 
at all, by these changes, though 'difference' at least seems 
certainly to be an improvement upon the word for which 
it was substituted, but to assume that they are merely 
compositors* corrections seems somewhat daring. It is 
surely unlikely that under ordinary circumstances a printer 
would insert words into a text where there is no apparent 
omission — words, that is, which make sense and are not 
traceable to his eye catching some other phrase of the 
copy. Such insertions must, it seems to me, be considered 
as deliberate corrections, and, in the absence of evidence to 
the contrary, must be attributed to the author of the work. 
In this particular case it might indeed be suggested that, 
the piece in question being merely a preface, it is not 
impossible that the author of the book itself, in touching up 
his work preparatory to a new edition, might have made 
a few slight changes even in a part which was not his own, 
but we must remember that Greene died three years after 
the publication of the first edition, while Nashe lived some 
eight years longer, and further that so far as we know no 
second edition was published in Greene's lifetime nor for 
several years after his death. 

All things considered it seemed better to print from the 
edition of 1610, in the absence of those of 1599 and 1605. 
At any rate this may be said in favour of so doing, that, 
while there are already two easily accessible reprints of the 



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310 PREFACE TO R. GREEN'S ^MENAPHON' 

edition of 1589, that of 1610 has never been made the basis 
of a text. 

I feel that I owe some apology to readers for the length 
to which this introductory note has extended, especially as 
the part of Menaphon with which I have to do is itself 
short and but a small portion of the whole, and as, after all, I 
have not been able to arrive at any very definite results. 
I can only plead in excuse that there were questions which 
it was impossible to discuss without treating the work 
as a whole, and that the bibliography of Menaphon is, 
owing to the great rarity of copies of the early editions, by 
no means easy to work out, and, so far as I am aware, no 
attempt had ever been made to deal with it. I was 
obliged for my own satisfaction to go into the matter 
in some detail, and having done so and arrived at certain 
conclusions, I was unwilling to state these without, so far as 
was possible, giving others the means of criticizing them. 



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TO THE GENTLEMEN a. 

STVDENTS OF BOTH 
VNIVERSITIES. 

CVrteous and wise, whose iudgements (not entangled 
with enuic) enlai^e the deserts of the learned by 
your liberall censures; vouchsafe to welcome your 
Scholler-like Shepheard with such Vniuersity entertain- 
ment as either the nature of your bounty or the custome 
of your common ciuility may affoord. To you he appeales 

10 that knew him ab extrema pueritia^ whose placet he 
accounts the flaudite of his paines ; thinking his day- 
labour was not altogether lauisht sine linea, if there bee 
any thing at al in it that doth olere Atticum in your 
estimate. I am not Ignorant how eloquent our gowned 

15 age is grown of late ; so that euery mechanicall mate 
abhorreth the English he was borne too, and plucks, 
with a solemne periphrasis, his vt vales from the inke- 
home : which I impute, not so much to the perfection 
of Arts, as to the seruile imitation of vaine glorious 

ao Tragedians, who contend not so seriously to excell in 
action, as to embowell the cloudes in a speech of com- 
parison, thinking themselues more then initiated in Poets 
immortality, if they but once get Boreas by the beard 
and the heauenly Bull by the deaw-lap. But heerein I 

n cannot so fully bequeath them to folly, as their ideot 
Art-masters, that intrude themselues to our cares as the 
Alcumists of eloquence, who (mounted on the stage of 
arrc^nce) thinke to out-braue better pennes with the 
swelling bumbast of bragging blanke verse. Indeede it 

30 may bee the ingrafted ouerflow of some kil-cow conceit, 

I GETLEMEN/a 13 at] of ^. 16 abhorret ^. 19 vabglorioos 
^9 : yaioe-glorioiu 16, a a thiui (iv throughouf) 89, a9 of a bra^^ing 89, 



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3ia TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 

A a"" that ouercloyeth | their imagination with a more then 
drunken resolution, being not extemporall in the inuention 
of any other meanes to vent their manhoode, conmiits the 
digestion of their cholericke incumbrances to the spacious 
volubilitie of a drumming decasillabon. Mongst this 5 
kind of men that repose etemitie in the mouth of a 
Player, I can but ingrosse some deep read Schoolemen 
or Grammarians, who, hauing no more learning in their 
skull then will seme to take vp a commoditie, nor Art 
in their braine then was nourished in a seruing mans 10 
idlenesse, will take vppon them to be the ironicall Censors 
of all, when God and Poetrie doth know they arc the 
simplest of all. To leaue all these to the mercy of their 
Mother tongue, that feed on nought but the crums that 
fall fro the Translators trencher, I come (sweet friend) 15 
to thy Arcadian Menaphon^ whose attire (though not 
80 stately, yet comely) doth intitle thee aboue all other 
to that temperatum dicendi genus which Tidly in his 
Orator termeth true eloquence. Let other men (as they 
please) praise the Mountaine that in seauen yeares ao 
bringeth forth a Mouse, or the Italianate penne that, of 
a packet of pilfries, affords the presse a pamphlet or two 
in an age, and then in disguised array vaunts Quids and 
Plutarchs plumes, as theyr owne; but giue me the man 
whose extemporall veine in any humour will excell our as 
greatest Art-maisters deliberate thoughts; whose inuen* 
tions, quicker then his eye, will challenge the prowdest 
Rhetoritian to the contention of like perfection with like 
expedition. 

What is he among Students so simple, that cannot 50 
bring foorth (tandem aliquando) some or other thing singular, 
sleeping betwixt euery sentence? Was it not Maroes 
twelue yeeres toile that so famed his twelue ^neidos} 



7-8 Schoolemen or] om. 8p. 13 leaue these 8p, 16 attire though 8g, 
17 comelie, dooth ^p. 19 Orator 89. ai brings ^9. a a afiioordeth ^9. 
ao innention 89, a8 Rethoritian 8^. 30 Bun on in 80. amongst 

89, 31 tandem] 89 : tanquam 20, 16. 3a Was it] 8p : What is 10, 16, 
33 xij. {twice) 89. 



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TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 313 

Or Peter Ramus sixteene yeeres paines that so praised 
his petty Logicke ? How is it, then, our drowping wits 
should so wonder at an exquisite line, that was his 
Masters day-labour? Indeede I must needes say, the 

5 descending y cares from the Philosophers Athens haue 
not been supplied with such present Orators, as were 
able in any English veine to be elo-|quent of their owne, a 3 
but either they must borrow inuention of Arias to & his 
countrimen, take vp choise of words by exchange in 

10 TuUies Tusculans & the Latine Historiographers store- 
houses ; similitudes, nay, whole sheetes & tractates ver^ 
batim, from the plentie of Plutarch and Plinie ; and, to 
conclude, their whole methode of writing from the libertie 
of comicall fictions that haue succeeded to our Rhetori- 

15 tians by a second imitation : so that well may the Adage, 
Nil dictum quod nan dictum prius^ be the most iudiciall 
estimate of our latter Writers. But the hunger of our 
vnsatiate humorists, beeing such as it is, ready to swallow 
all draffe without difference, that insinuates it selfe to their 

30 sences vnder the name of delights, imploies oft-times many 
thredbare wits, to emptie their inuention of their api^ 
deuices, and talke most superficially of Polide, as those 
that neuer ware gowne in the Vniuersitie ; wherein they 
reuiue the old said Adage, Stis Mineruam^ and cause 

25 the wiser to quippe them with Asinus ad lyram. Would 
Gentlemen and riper iudgements admit my motion of 
moderation in a matter of folly, I would perswade them 
to physicke their faculties of seeing and hearing, as the 
Sabaeans doe their dulled sences with smelling ; who (as 

30 Strdbo reporteth), ouercloyd with such odoriferous savours 
as the naturall increase of their country (Balsamum, 
Amomum, with Myrrhe and Frankencense) sends forth, 
refresh their nosthrilles with the vnsauourie sent of the 
pitchy slime that Euphrates casts vp, & the cdtagious 

I XTJ. Sg a our] ont ^p : our Gro.t Smith, 5 Philosophers of Athens Cro. 
10 Tuscukme 8p. 14 Rethoridans 80. 17 Bnt . . . ] New pur, Cro, 
19 difference] indifierenoe ^p. ao delight ^p. 29 SadiansSg, 34 

casts] Sg : cast 10, 16, 



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314 TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 

fiimes of Goats beards burned: so would I haue them, 
beeing surfeited vnawares with the sweet saciety of 
eloquence, which the lauish of our copious language 
may procure, to vse the remedie of contraries; and 
recreate their rebated wits, not, as they did, with the 5 
senting of slime or Goates beards burned, but with the ouer- 
seeing of that suilime dicendi genus^ which walkes abroade 
for wast paper in each seruing-mans pocket, and the 
otherwhile perusing of our Gothamists barbarisme ; so 
should the opposite comparison of Puritie expell the to 
infection of Absurditie, and their ouer-racked Rhetoricke 
be the Ironicall recreation of the Reader. | 
A 3^ But so farre discrepant is the idle vsage of our vn- 
experienced and illiterated Punies from this prescription, 
that a tale of loane of Brainfords will, and the vnlucky 15 
frumenty, will be as soone entertained into their Libraries 
as the best Poeme that euer Tasso etemisht : which, being 
the effect of an vndisceming iudgment, makes drosse as 
valuable as gold, and losse as wel-come as gaine, the Glow- 
worme mentioned in /Esops Fables, namely the Apes folly, ao 
to be mistaken for fire 4 when as, God wot, poore soules, 
they haue nought but their toyle for their heate, their 
paines for their sweate, and (to bring it to our English . 
Prouerbe) their labour for their trauell. Wherein I can 
but resemble them to the Panther, who is so greedy of 25 
mens excrements that if th^ bee hanged vp in a vessell 
higher then his reach, he sooner killes himselfe with the 
ouer-stretching of his windlesse body then he will cease 
from his intended enterprise. Oft haue I obserued what 
I now set downe : a secular wit that hath lined all dayes 30 
of his life by What doe }rou lacke ? to be more iudidall 
in matters of conceit then our quadrant crepundios, that 
spit ergo in the mouth of euery one they meete: yet 

I burnt 89, 4>5 contnriet; and . . . witts, not 89 : contraries, and . • . 

wits ; not /o, 16, 6 burnt 89, 13 Jitm omm8p. 14 and iUiteiated] 
cm. 89, 15 loane of] Ihon a 89, 16 foxmentie 89, wilbe 8p^ 

17 poeme 89, 26. 34 traoaile 89, 37 Idlleth 8p. 31 what Q, 

lacM, to 89, 3a crepnndios] 89 : citpimdioas 10, j6. 



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TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 315 

those and these are so aflfectionate to dogged detracting, 
as the most poysonous Pasquil any durty mouthed Martin 
or Momus euer composed is gathered vp with greedinesse 
before it fall to the ground, and bought at the dearest, 

5 though they smell of the friplers lauender halfe a yeere 
after : for I know not how the minde of the meanest is fedde 
with this folly, that they impute singularity to him that 
slaunders priuily, and count it a great peece of Art in an 
inkhome man, in any tapsterly termes whatsoeuer, to 

lo expose his superiours to enuy. I will not deny but in 
schoUer-like matters of controuersie a quicker stile may 
passe as commendable, and that a quip to an Asse is as 
good as a goad to an Oxe : but when the irr^fular Ideot, 
that was vp to the eares in diuinity before euer he met 

il'wx^probabile in the Vniuersitie, shall leaue/r^ & contra 
before hee can scarcely pronounce it, and come to correct 
common-weales, that neuer heard of the name of Magistrate 
before hee came to | Cambridge ^ it is no maruaile if euery A 4 
Alehouse vaunt the table of the world turned vpsidedowne, 

90 since the child beateth his father, and the Asse whippeth 
his Master. But lest I might seeme, with these night- 
crowes, Nimis curiosus in aliena republican I will tume 
backe to my first text of Studies of delight, and talke a 
little in friendship with a few of our triuiall translators. 

as It is a common practise now a dayes amongst a sort of 
shifting companions, that runne through euery Art and 
thriue by none, to leaue the trade of Nouerint^ whereto 
they were borne, and busie themselues with the indeuours 
of Art, that could scarcely Latinize their neck verse if they 

3a should haue neede ; yet English Seneca read by Candle* 
light yeelds many good sentences, as Blood is a begger^ 
and so forth ; and if you intreate him &ire in a frostie 
morning, hee will affoord you whole Hamlets, I should say 
handfuls of Tragicall speeches. But O griefel Tempus 

I so] ^p: om, lOf i6. 2 Pastil] 8^ : Pasquils jo, j6, 10 expose] 

oppoie Sp. 13 when an irregular 8p. 18 menudle 8q, ao beats 8p, 
ifbippes^p. ai least ^9. aa reprndHca. tltSp* 34 

trtnssators {prokm fl) 10. 33 HamUts Sp, 



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3i6 TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 

edax rerum^ whats that will last alwayes? The Sea exhaled 
by droppes will in continuance bee drie, and Seneca^ let 
blood line by line and page by page, at length must needes 
die to our Stage ; which makes his famished followers to 
imitate the Kid in ^sop, who, enamoured with the Foxes 5 
newfangles, forsooke all hopes of life to leape into a newe 
occupation ; and these men, renouncing all possibilities of 
credite or estimation, to intermeddle with Italian Transla- 
tions : Wherein how poorely they haue plodded, (as those 
that are neither prouenzall men, nor are able to distinguish 10 
of Articles,) let all indiflferent Gentlemen that haue trauelled 
in that tongue disceme by their two-pennie Pamphlets. 
And no maruell though their home borne mediocritie bee 
such in this matter ; for what can bee hoped of those that 
thrust Elisium into hell, and haue not learned, so long as 15 
they haue lined in the Spheres, the iust measure of the 
Horizon without an hexameter? SuiBceth them to bodge 
vp a blanke verse with jfs and ands, and otherwhile 
for recreation after their Candle-stufTe, hauing starched 
their beards most curiously, to make a Peripateticall path 20 
into the inner parts of the Citie, and spend two or 
A 4^ three howers in turning ouer | French Dawdie^ where they 
attract more infection in one minute, then they can do 
eloquence all dales of their life, by conuersing with any 
Authors of like argument. But lest in this declamatorie as 
veine, I should condemne all and commend none, I will 
propound to your learned imitation those men of import 
that haue laboured with credite in this laudable kind of 
Translation ; In the forefront of whom I cannot but place 
that aged father Erasmus^ that inuested most of our Greeke 30 
writers in the robes of the ancient Romanes ; in whose 
traces Philip Melancthon^ Sadolet^ PlantinSy and many other 
reuerent Germaines insisting, haue reedified the mines of 
our decayed Libraries, and maruellously enriched the Latine 

5 Kidde 89, 9 wheidn ^p. 10 prouenzall men] 89 : Ponemd- 

men JO, /6, 11 tmnailed ^p. ia-3 pamphlets: & ^p. a a Doudu 8^. 
as least 89. %^ Tianslation ; In] ^ : TransUtion. In /o, 16. 51 

R9maMus8^* 



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TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 317 

tongue with the expence of their toyle. Not long after, 
their emulation being transported into England, euerie 
priuate scholer, WilUam Turner^ and who not, beganne to 
vant their smattering of Latine in English impressions. 

5 But amongst others in that age, sir Thomas Eliots el^ance 
did seueritselfe from all equals, although sir Thomas Moore 
with his comical wit at that instant was not altogether 
idle: yet was not knowledge fully confirmed in her 
Monarchy amongest vs, till that most famous and fortunate 

10 Nurse of all learning, Saint lohns in Cambridge^ that at that 
time was as an Vniuersity within it selfe, shining so farre 
aboue all other houses, Hallesi and hospitals whatsoeuer, 
that no CoUedge in the Towne was able to compare with 
the tithe of her Students ; hauing (as I haue heard graue 

16 men of creditc report) moe Candles light in it, euery Winter 
morning before foure of the docke, then the foure of the 
clocke bell gaue strokes; till she (I say) as a pitt3ring 
mother, put to her helping hand, and sent, from her fruitfuU 
wombe, sufficient Scholers, both to support her owne weale, 

ao as also to supply all other inferiour foundations defects, and 
namely, that royall erection of Trinity CoUedge, which the 
Vniuersity Orator, in an Epistle to the Duke of Somerset, 
aptly termed Colonia deducta from the suburbs of Saint 
Johns, In which extraordinary conception, v?to partu in 

«6 rempublicam prodiere^ the Exchequer of eloquence, sir 
lohn Cheeke, a man of men, supema-|turally traded in all B i 
tongs, sir lohn Mason^ Doctor Watson^ Redman^ Ascam^ 
Grindally Leuer^ Pilkinton : all which haue, either by their 
priuate readings or publique workes repurged the errors of 

JO Arte, expelled from their puritie, and set before our eyes a 
more perfect methode of studie. 
But how ill their precepts haue prospered with our 

a England 89. 4 ynmA 89^16. 5 amogst jo. 9 amongst ^9, 16. 
I a HoQses . . . HospiuUs 89 y 16. 15 moe J more 89, 16-7 fowre of 

clocke bell ^9. 17 Shee ^9. ai Trmitis ColUdgw 89 1 TrmitU 

CoUedge/^. aa Somerset 89. as CoUma didtuta 89. Saint 89. 

a7 Aschame 89, a8 Pilkington 89, 50 and set] Ifen begins the imperfect 
copy at Trinity College ^ Caniridge^ referred to as T, 3 a Run on in 89. 



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3i8 TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 

idle age, that leaue the fountaines of Sciences, to follow 
the riuers of Knowledge, their ouer-fraugbt studies with 
trifling compendiaries may testifie : for I know not how it 
commeth to passe, by the doting practise of our Diuinitie 
Dunces, that striue to make their pupills pulpit-men before 5 
they are reconciled to Priscian; but those yeares which 
should bee imployed in Aristotle are expired in Epitomies, 
and well too, they may haue so much Catechisme vacation, 
to rake vp a little refuse philosophy. 

And heere I could enter into a laige fielde of inuectiue 10 
against our abiect abbreuiations of Arts, were it not g^owne 
to a new fashion among our Nation, to vaunt the pride of 
contraction in euery manuarie action: insomuch that the 
PaUr nosUr, which was wont to fill a sheete of Paper, 
is written in the compasse of a pennie : whereupon one 15 
merily affirmed that prouerbe to be deriued. No penny ^ no 
pater noster. Which their nice curtailing putteth mee in 
minde of the custome of the Scythians, who if they had 
beene at any time distressed with famine, tooke in their 
girdles shorter, and swaddled themselues straighter, to ao 
the intSt, no vacuum being left in their intrailes, hunger 
should not so much tsrrannize ouer their stomacks : euen 
so these men, oppressed with a greater penurie of Art, doe 
pound their capacitie in barren compendiums, and bound 
their base humours in the beggarlie straites of a hungry as 
Analysis y lest, longing after that infinitumwhich the pouertie 
of their conceit cannot compasse, they sooner yeelde vp their 
youth to destinie, then their heart to vnderstanding. 

How is it then such bungling practitioners in principles 
should euer profit the Common-wealth by their n^ligent 30 
paines, who haue no more cunning in Lc^cke or dialogue | 
B I'' Latine then appertaines to the literall construction of either? 

4 comes 8p, 7 Epitomes 80, 9 rake] Sp : take T, 10, 26, 10 

Huh on in 8p, I could] could I ^9. 11 growen ^9. la amongst 

89, 13 in so much 89, 16 meielie 89, affinned] 89 : assumed 7*, 

MOy 16, 17 nasUr; which 89, curtailing 8p. puts 89. 18 

Scyihiam 89, 18-9 had beene] be 89. 19 take 89, ao swaddle 89^ T. 
streighter 89, 96 Analysis 89. least 89^ T. 99 Run on in 89. 

31 hane 71 



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TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 319 

neuerthelesse, it is daily apparant to our domestical eyes 
that there is none so forward to publish their imperfectids> 
either in the trade of glose or translations, as those that 
are more vnleamed then ignorance, and lesse conceiuing 

5 than infants. Yet dare I not impute absurditie to all of 
that societie, although some of them haue set their names 
to their simplicity. Who euer my priuate opinion con- 
demneth as faultie, Maister Gascoigne is not to bee abridged 
of his deserued esteeme, who first beate the path to that 

xo perfection which our best Poets haue aspired to since his 
departure; whereto hee did ascend by comparing the 
Italian with the English, as Tully did Grxca cum Latinis. 
Neither was M. Turberuile the worst of his time, though in 
translating hee attributed too much to the necessitie of rime. 

x5 And in this page of praise I cannot omit aged Arthur 
Golding^ for his industrious toyle in Englishing Quids 
Metamorphosis^ besides many other exquisite editions of 
diuinitie, turned by him out of the French tongue into 
our owne. M. Phaer likewise is not to be forgot, in regard 

ao of his famous Virgill, whose heauenly verse had it not beene 
blemished by his hautie thoughts, England might haue long 
insulted in his wit, and corrigat qui potest haue been 
subscribed to his works. But Fortune, the Mistrisse of 
change, with a pittying compassion respecting Maister 

35 Stanihursts praise, would that Phaer should fall that hee 
might rise, whose heroicall poetry, infired, I should say in- 
spired, with an hexameter furie, recalled to life what euer 
hissed Barbarisme hath been buried this C. yeere; and 
reuiued by his ragged quill such carterly varietie as no hodge 

30 plowman in a country but would haue held as the extremitie 
of clownerie : a patteme whereof I will propound to your 
iudgements, as neere as I can, beeing part of one of his 
descriptions of a tempest, which is thus, 

3 the] 8g : theyr Ti tbeir lo, i6, 4 than Sp, T. ignonmce] 89 : 

ignoimnt T, 20, 26, 6 though 8^ 13 Master TurbiuiU 8p. 

^though 8p, 14 rime] 8p : the time T, 20, 26. 19 Master 89, ao 
bin 8p, SI England 89. as in] 89 : om. T, 20, 26, s8 bin ^p. 

C] hnnditd 8p, 26. 



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320 TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 

Then did he make heauens vault to rebound ^ 

with r ounce robble hobble 
Of ruffe raffe roarings 

with thwicke thwacke thurlerie bouncing. \ 
B a Which strange language of the firmament, neuer subiect 5 
before to our common phrase, makes vs that are not vsed 
to terminate heauens mouing in the accents of any voice, 
esteeme of their triobulare interpreter as of some Thrasonicall 
huffe snufTe, for so terrible was his stile to all milde eares, 
as would haue affrighted our peaceable Poets from inter- 10 
medling hereafter with that quarrelling kind of verse, had 
not sweet Maister France^ by his excellent translation of 
Maister Thomas Watsons sugred Amintas, animated their 
dulled spirits to such high witted indeuours. But I know 
not how, their ouer-timerous cowardise hath stoode in awe 15 
of enuie, that no man since him durst imitate any of the 
woorst of those Romane wonders in English ; which 
makes me thinke that either the louers of mediocritie are 
very many, or that the number of good Poets are very 
small; and in truth, (Maister Watson except, whom I 90 
mentioned before,) I know not almost any of late dayes 
that hath shewed himselfe singuler in any speciall Latine 
Poeme ; whose Amintas, and translated ^;r//^^/i^, may march 
in equippage of honour with any of our ancient Poets. 
I will not say but we had a Haddon^ whose penne would 35 
haue challenged the Lawrell from Horner^ together with 
Car^ that came as neere him as Virgill to Theocritus. But 
Thomas Newton with his Leiland^ and Gabriell Haruey^ 
with two or three other, is almost all the store that is left 
vs at this houre. Epitaphers and position Poets wee haue ^o 
more then a good many, that swarme like Crowes to a 
dead carcasse, but flie, like Swallowes in the Winter, from 
any continuate subiect of wit. 

a hobhle\ 8^, T: MdUio, j6, 6 makes] 89, T: make jo, 16. 7 moneings 
89. II hereafter] 89, 16 : here after (here ending a iitu) T, 10, 14 Bat 
. • • ] New par, Gro, a 3 Poem 80, 34 our] 89 : your T, 10, 16, 

a4-5 Poets. I] 89 : PoeU: I T, 10, 16. a; Carre 89. a8 TAa. 89. 

30 wee haue] haue wee 89. 



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TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 3«i 

The efficient whereof I imagine to issue from the vp- 
start discipline of our reformatorie Churchmen, who account 
wit vanitie, and poetry impiety : whose errour although the 
necessitie of phUosophie might confute, which lies couched 
5 most closely vnder darke fables profunditie, yet I had 
rather referre it as a disputatiue plea to diuines, then set it 
downe as a determinate position in my vnexperienced 
opinion. But how euer their dissentious iudgements should 
decree in their after noone sessions of an sit^ the priuate 

lo truth of my discou&-|red Creede in this controuersie is this, B a^ 
that as that beast was thought scarce worthy to be sacrificed 
to the Egyptian Epaphus^ who had not some or other blacke 
spot on hjs skin : so I deeme him farre vnworthy the name 
of a scholer,and so, consequently, to sacrifice his endeuours 

15 to Art, that is not a Poet, either in whole or in part. 

And heere, peraduenture, some desperate quipper will 
canuaze my proposed comparison Plus vltra^ reconciling 
the allusion of the blacke spot to the blacke pot, which 
maketh our Poets vndermeale Muses so mutinous, as euery 

ao stanzo they pen after dinner is full pointed with a stabbe. 
Which their dagger drunkennesse, although it might be 
excused with tarn Marti^ qudm Mercuric, yet will I couer 
it as well as I may with that prouerbiall fcecundi ccUices^ 
that might well haue beene doore-keeper to the kanne 

35 of Silenus, when, nodding on his Asse trapped with luie, 
he made his moist nose-cloth the pausing inUrmedium twixt 
euery nappe. Let frugall scholers and fine fingered nouices 
take their drinke by the ounce and their wine by the halfe 
penny worths, but it is for a Poet to examine the pottle 

30 pots, and gage the bottome of whole gallons ; fui bem vult 
poiein, debet ante pinein. A pot of blew burning ale, with 
a fiery flaming toste, is as good as Pallas with the nine 

I Run an in ^p. 6 to] 8^ : by 7*, /o, 16, 13 Towoithie of the ^p* 

15-6 in a parte and \No new par,"] ^^ : in a parte; and Cro, : in a parte. 
And Smith, 17 proposed] 89 : purposed T, 10, 26, 19 makes 89. 

to mntinoas] 8^ : to mntinoos Ti to mntinons jo : too mntinons 16, ai 

m^far 10. a a Tom 8p : iam T. 33 fmcundi T, a6 intermedinm 8^, aS-o 
halfe penny worths] bidpe-worthes 89 : halfe-penny w<«ths t6 : ha]iiD-[pennieJ 
worthes Cro. 31 voiciy ^p. vb^tbr 89. 

Ill Y 



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3a« TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 

Muses on Pernassus top : without the which, in vainc they 
may crie, O thou my Muse, inspire me with some penne, 
when they want certaine liquid sacrifice to rouze her forth 
her denne. 

Pardon mee (Gentlemen) though somewhat merrily 1 5 
glance at their immoderate folly, who affirme that no man 
writes with conceit, except he take counsell of the cup : nor 
would I haue you thinke that, Theonino dentin I arme my 
stile against all, since I doe know the moderation of many 
Gentlemen of that studie to be so farre from infamie as 10 
their verse from equality: whose sufficiency, were it as 
well seene into by those of higher place as it wanders abroad 
vnrewarded in the mouthes of vngratefuU monsters, no 
doubt but the remembrance oHMxcenas liberality extended 
to Maro^ and men of like quality, would haue left no 15 
B 3 memory to that | prouerbe of Pouerty, Si nikil attuleris^ ^ 
ibis Homere faros. Tush, say our English Italians, the 
finest wits our climate sends forth are but drie brained 
dolts in comparison of other countries: whom if you 
interrupt with redde raiumem^ they will tell you of Petrarch^ >o 
Tasso^ CelianOy with an infinite number of others ; to whom 
if I should oppose Chaucer^ Lydgaie^ Gower^ with such like, 
that lined vnder the tyranny of ignorance, I do thinke their 
best loners would be much discontented with the collation 
of contraries, if I should write ouer all their heads, Haile, ^5 
fellow, well met One thing I am sure of, that each of 
these three haue vaunted their meeters with as much 
admiration in English as euer the proudest Ariosto did his 
verse in Italian. 

What should I come to our Court, where the otherwhile 30 
vacations of our grauer Nobility are prodigall of more 
pompous wit and choice of words then euer tragicke Tetsso 



x-9 they may] may they ^9, 7*. 5 Rtm on in 8^. merely S9 : menilie 
71 7 writes] oan write ^9. 8 fheonim T. 14 Mmcenas\ T, lo^ j6 : 

Mctcmas Sp, 17 Tosh, say] 16 ; Tnt saies 8p : Tush say 7; 20. ao Petracki 
89. ti I do not think Gro. 37 Taunted] 89 : vanted Ti vented jo, j6. 
30 Rtm on in 8p. 



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TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 323 

could attaine to? But as for pastorall poems, I will not 
make the comparison, lest our countrimens credite should 
be discountenanced by the contention ; who although they 
cannot fare with such inferiour facility, yet I know would 
5 carry the bucklers full easily from all forraine brauers, 
if their subiectum circa quod should sauour of any thing 
hautie. And should the challenge of deepe conceit be 
intruded by any forrainer, to bring our English wits to the 
touchstone of Art, I would preferre diuine Master Spencer^ 

xo the miracle of wit, to bandie line by line for my life, in the 
honour of England, agadnst Spaine, Fraunce, Italy, and all 
the world. Neither is he the onely swallow of our Summer, 
(although Apollo^ if his Tripos were vp againe, would pro- 
nounce him his SacraUs,) but he being forborne, there are 

15 extant about London many most able men to reuiue 
Poetry, though it were executed tenne thousand times, as 
in Piatoes, so in Puritans Common-wealth ; as, namely, for 
example, Maihew Roydon^ Thomas Achlow^ and George 
Peele ; the first of whom, as he hath shewed himselfe singular 

ao in the immortall Epitaph of his bdoued Astrophell^ besides 
many other most absolute Comike inuentions (made more 
pubUke by euery mans | praise, then they can be by my B 3^ 
speech), so the second hath more then once or twice mani- 

. fested his deepe witted schollership in places of credite: 
J d5 and for the last, though not the least of them all, I dare 
commend him vnto all that know him, as the chiefe sup- 
porter of pleasance now lining, the Atlas of Poetrie, and 
primus verborum Artifex : whose first mcrease, the arraigne- 
ment of Paris, might pleade to your opinions his pr^^nant 

50 dexterity of wit, and manifold varietieof inuention ; where- 
in (me iudice) he goeth a steppe beyond all that write. 
Sundry other sweete Gentlemen I doe know, that haue 
vaunted their pennes in priuate deuices, and tricked vp 

X cond 20. too: but ^^ : to : Bat T. Poemes 89. % least 89, T. 

7 hanghtie: and^y. 10 by] for ^. 11 EngUmd89. gainst ^1^ 

Spaifu^ France^ ItalU 89. Itale T. 15 TH^s 89. 15 London 89. 

17 namely] Mt. 89. iS AUhebw 89. 26 mto] to^. $a doe] 

om^89. that bane] ^9: that we hane 7*1/0, /tf. 



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3^4 TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 

a company of tafiaty fooles with their feathers, whose beauty 
if our Poets had not peecte with the supply of their peri- 
wigs, they might haue antickt it vntill tiiis time vp and 
downe the Countrey with the ICing of Fairies, and dined 
euery day at the pease porredge ordinary with Delfrigus. 5 

But Tolossa hath foi^tten that it was sometime sacked, 
and beggars that euer they carried their fardels on foot- 
back: and in truth no maruaile, when as the deserued 
reputation of one Roscius is of force to enrich a rabble 
of counterfeits. Yet let subiects for all their insolence 10 
dedicate a De profundis euery morning to the preseruation 
of their Cxsar^ lest their increasing indignities retume 
them ere long to their iugling to mediocrity, and they 
bewaile in weeping blankes the wane of their Monarchic. 

As Poetrie hath beene honoured in those her forenamed 15 
professours, so it hath not beene any whit disparaged by 
William Warners abaolute Aliions. And heere Authoritie 
hath made a full point : in whose reuerence insisting I cease 
to expose to your sport the picture of those Pamphleters 
and Poets, that make a patrimonie of In speech^ and more ao 
then a yoimger brothers inheritance of their Abcie. 
Reade fauourably, to incourage me in the firstlings of 
my folly, and perswade your selues, I will persecute 
those idiots and their heires vnto the third generation, that 
haue made Art bankerout of her ornaments, and sent 25 
B 4 Poetry a begging vp and | downe the Countrey. It may 
be, my Anatonde of Absurdities may acquaint you ere loag 
with my skill in surgery, wherein the diseases of Art more 
merrily discouered may make our maimed Poets put to- 
gether their blankes vnto the building of an Hospitall. 30 

If you chance to meete it in Paules^ shaped in a new suite 

I taffata ^9, 7": tafiatie 16, a peectel 8qi pecked 7*, /o, 16. 4 

Fairut Sq. 5 Delphrigus 8^, 6 J^un am in 89, Totassei\ 8p : 

Tolasso T, 10, 16, forgot 8^. 8 memaile 8p. 10 connterfets ; jet 

89 : oonnterfeits. Yet T, 10 : counterfeits : Yet 16. la least ^y, T, 13 
long to their] ^9, Ti long their lo^ 16, iugling] The rest is wantimg im the 
copy 0/89 in the British Museum, the worS inggling beisigthe aUck-wordef 
A a''. 16 whit] white T. 19 expose] oppose 71 aa Reade . • .j 

New par, Gro. a/ A anatemie oi lo* 31 yoo 10. 



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TO THE GENTLEMEN STVDENTS 325 

of similitudes, as if, like the eloquent apprentice oi Plutarch^ 
it were propped at seuen years end in double apparell, 
thinke his master hath fulfilled couenants, and onely can- 
celled the Indentures of dutie. If I please, I will thinke 
my ignorance indebted vnto you that applaud it : 
if not, what rests, but that I be excluded 
from your curtesie, like Apocrypha 
from your Bibles? 

Haw euer^ yours euer, 

Thomas Nash. 

9 How ener, yours ener. Tx Horn , . . ett^r, jo : ffaw . . . euer : 16. 10 
Thomas Nash. i6. 



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PREFACE TO SIDNEY'S 
'ASTROPHEL AND STELLA' 

Entry in the Stationers' Raster : None. 
Editions (i) Early : 

1591. Syr P. S. I His Afirophel and Stella. \ Wherein the 
excellence of fweete | Poefie is concluded | (^•/^ | To the end 
of which are added^ fundry \ other rare Sonnets of dtuets 
Noble I men and Gentlemen. \ (*) | [ornament] | At London, | 
Printed for Thomas Newman. | Anno* Domini, jj^i. 

Quarto. No colophon. Paged from B i to L 4"^ (1-80). 

Collation : A-L\ (A l) Title> v. blank. A. ii. *^ To the worship- 
fall and his very good Freende> Ma. Fraunds Flower . . . ' (signed 
Tko: Newman.) Rom. and Ital. R-T. The Epistle. A. 3. 'Some- 
what to reade for them that list* Rom. and Ital. R-T. Somewhat to 
reade | for them that Ust B. i. < ** SIR P. S. HIS ASTROPHEL 
AND STELLA: Rom. and Ital. R-T. Sir P. S. his | Astrophd and 
Stella. Is''.'*^ Poems and Sonets of smidrie other Noble men and 
Gentlemen.' 

Signatures are in Roman with Arabic numerak except A. ii. Those 
of G 3 and 1 3 are larger than others. A 4 is signed, other fourth 
leaves unsigned. 

Catch-words: A 2. graue A 3. The A 4. trunchions B i. And 
C I. In D I. Who E I. That F i. Where-(fore) G I. Which 
H X. Yet I I. Graunt K I. For L I. lie 

Copy used: That in the British Museum, G. II543« 

(2) Modern Editions : 

1842 (ColL) Pierce Penniless's Supplication to the Devil 
. . . with an introduction and notes> by J. Payne Collier . . . 
London: Reprinted for the Shakespeare Society. pp.xxiii- 
xxvL 



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3»8 PREFACE TO *ASTROPHEL AND STELLA' 

1873. The Complete Poems of Sir Phflip Sidney . . . 
Edited ... by the Rev. A. B. Grosart Printed for Private 
Circulation. Vol. i, pp. 163-166. 

The works of Sidney occupy two volumes in * The Fuller Worthies' 
Library.' 

1877. The Complete Poems of Sir PhiUp Sidney. 
Edited ... by the Rev. A. B. Grosart London : Chatto 
and Windus. Vol. lii, pp. »i 3-218. 

This edition of Sidney's poems occupies three volumes in the series 
of< Early English Poets.' It is, for the most part, a reprint of the 
preceding. 

1883-4 (Gro.) The Complete Works of Thomas Nashe 
. . . edited by A. B. Grosart Vol i, pp. xxxix-xlv. 

Reprinted from one of the editions of Sidney. 

1889. Sir Philip Sidney's Astrophel and Stellaund Defence 
of Poesie . . . herausgegeben von Dr. Ewald FlUgeL Halle 
a. S., Max Niemeyer. pp. xcviii-ci. 

From the copy in the British Museum. 

1904 (Smith) Elizabethan Critical Essajrs, edited • . . 
by G. Gr^ory Smith. Oxford: at the Clarendon Press. 
Vol. ii, pp. 223-228. 

From the copy in the Britbh Museum. With notes. 

1905. (The present edition.) 

From the copy in the British Museum collated with the editions of 
Grosart (in his Nashe) and Mr. Gregory Smith, with occasional 
reference to that of Collier. 



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Somewhat to reade for them A3 

that list 



TEmpus adest pUmsus^ aurea pampa venit^ so endes the 
Sceane of Idiots^ and enter Astrophel in pompe. 
5 Gentlemen, that haue seene a thousand lines of folly 

drawn forth tx vno puncto impudentue, & two famous 
Mountains to goe to the conception of one Mouse, that haue 
had your eares deafned with the eccho ofFamesbrasentowres, 
when only they haue been toucht with a leaden pen, that haue 

10 seene Pom sitting in his bower of delights, & a number of 
Midasses to admire his miserable homepipes, let not your 
surfeted sight, new come frd such puppet play, think scome to 
turn aside into this Theater of pleasure, for here you shal find 
a paper stage streud with pearle, an artificial heau'n to ouer- 

15 shadow the faire frame, & christal wals to encounter your 
curious eyes, whiles the tragicommody of loue is performed 
by starlight The chiefe Actor here is Melpomene, whose 
dusky robes, dipt in the ynke of teares, as yet seeme to 
drop when I view them neere. The ailment cruell chas- 

ao title, the Prolc^e hope, the Epilc^^edispaire; videte^ queso^ 
et Unguis anifmsquefauete. And here pei^uenture my 
witles youth may be taxt with a margent note of presump- 
tion, for ofiiering to put vp smy motion of applause in the 
behalfe of so excellent a Poet, (the least sillable of whose 

35 name, sounded in the eares of iudgement, is able to giue 
the meanest line he writes a dowry of immortality,) yet those 
that obsenie how iewels oft€times com to their hands that 
know not their value, & that the cockscombes of our daies, 
like Esops Cock, had rather haue a Barly kemell wrapt vp 

3 adms \9ixi'\pkmsm Gro, 90 p$mso CM, Gro.x qmaeso Smith. 



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330 SOMEWHAT TO READE 

in a Ballet then they wil dig for the welth of wit in any 
ground that they know not, I hope wil also hold me excused, 
though I open the gate to his glory & inuite idle eares to 
the admiration of his melancholy. 

Quidpetitur sacris nisi tantum fama poetis t 5 

Which although it be oftentimes imprisoned in Ladyes casks 
& the president bookes of such as cannot see without another 
mans spectacles, yet at length it breakes foorth in spight of 
his keepers, and vseth some priuate penne (in steed of a 
picklock) to procure hb violent enlargement | 10 

A 3V The Sunne, for a time, may maske his golden head in a 
cloud ; yet, in the end, the thicke vaile doth vanish, and his 
embelli^ed blandishment appeares. Long hath Astrophel 
(Englands Sunne) withheld die beames of his spirite from 
the common veiw of our darke sence, and night hath 15 
houered ouer the gardens of the nine Sisters, while Ignis 
fatuus and grosse fatty flames (such as commonly arise out 
of Dunghilles) haue tooke occasion^ in the middest eclipse of 
his shining perfections, to wander a broade with a wispe of 
paper at their tailes like Hobgoblins, and leade men vpand ao 
downe in a circle of absurditie a whole weeke, and neuer 
know where they are. But nowe that cloude of sorrow is 
dissolued which fierie Loue exhaled from his dewie haire, and 
affection hath vnburthened the labouring streames of her 
wombe in the lowe cesteme of his graue : the night hath 35 
resigned her iettie throne vnto Lucifer, and cleere daylight 
possesseth the skie that was dimmed ; wherfore bresike of 
your daunce, you Fayries and Elues, and from the fieldes 
with the tome carcases of your Timbrils, for yourkingdome 
is expired. Put out your rush candles, you Poets and 30 
Rimers, and bequeath your crazed quaterzayns to the 
Chaundlers ; for loe, here he cdmeth that hath brokS your 
l^s. Apollo hath resigned his luory Harp vnto Astrophel, 
& he, like Mercury, must lull you a sleep with his musicke. 
Sleepe Argus, sleep Ignorance, sleep Impudence, for 35 

6 Sit in as new par. Q, 11 I^un on in Gro„ Smith. 15 Tiew 

Cott.f Smith. 3a broSc Q: broek Gro. : broken CoU.\ broke Smith. 



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FOR THEM THAT LIST 331 

Mercury hath lo^ & onely lo Pxan belongeth to Astrophel. 
Deare Astrophel^ that in the ashes of thy Loue liuest 
againe like the Phcenix \ 6 might thy bodie (as thy name) 
liue againe likewise here amongst vs : but the earth, the 

5 mother of mortalities hath snacht thee too soone into her 
chilled colde armes, and will not let thee by any meanes 
be drawne from her deadly imbrace ; and thy diuine Soule, 
carried on an Angels wings to heauen, is instsdled, in Hermes 
place, sole prolocutor to the Gods. Therefore mayest thou 

10 neuer retume from the Elisian fieldes like Orpheus ; there- 
fore must we euer moume for our Orpheus. 

Fayne would a seconde spring of passion heere spende it 
selfe on his sweet remembrance : but Religion, that rebu-| 
keth prophane lamentation, drinkes in the riuers of those A 4 

15 dispaireful teares which languorous ruth hath outwelled, & 
bids me looke back to the house of honor, where, frd one & 
the selfe same roote of renowne, I shal find many goodly 
branches deriued, & such as, with the spreading increase of 
their vertues, may somwhat ouershadow the griefe of his los. 

ao Amongst the which, fayre sister of Phosbus^ & eloquent 
secretary to the Muses, most rare Countesse of Pembroke^ 
thou art not to be omitted ; whom Artes doe adore as a 
second Minerua^ and our Poets extoll as the Patronesse of 
their inuention ; for in thee the Lesbian Sappho with her 

s5 lirick Harpe is di^raced, & the Laurel Garlande which thy 
Brother so brauely aduaunst on his Launce is still kept 
greene in the Temple of Pallas. Thou only sacrificest thy 
soule to contemplation, thou only entertainest emptie handed 
Horner^ & keepest the springs of Castalia from being dryed 

30 vp. Learning, wisedom, beautie, and all other ornaments 
of Nobilitie whatsoeuer, seeke to approue themseluesin thy 
sight, and get a further seale of felicity from the smiles of 
thy fauour : 

O loue digna viro ni loue nata fores. 

35 I feare I shall be counted a mercenary flatterer, for mix- 
ing my thoughts with such figuratiue admiration, but 
general! report, that surpasseth my praise, condemneth my 



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ii2 SOMEWHAT TO READE 

reihoricke of dulnesse for so colde a commendation. Indeede, 
to say the truth, my stile is somewhat heauie gated, and 
cannot daunce trip and goe so liuely, with oh my loue, 
ah my loue, all my loues gone, as other Sheepheards diat 
haue beene fooles in the Morris time out of minde ; nor 5 
hath my prose any skill to imitate the Almond leape verse, 
or sit tabring fiue yeres together nothing but to bee, to hee, 
on a paper drum. Onely I can keepepace with Grauesend 
barge, and care not if I haue water enough to lande my ship 
of fooles with the Tearme (the tyde I shoulde say). Now 10 
euery man is not of that minde, for some, to goe the lighter 
away, will take in their fraught of spangled feathers, golden 
Peebles, Straw, Reedes, Bulrushes, or any thing, and then 
they beare out their sayles as proudly as if they were balis- 
ted with Bulbiefe. Olliers are so hardly bested for loading 15 
that they are faine to retaile the cinders of Troy, and the 
A 4"^ shiuers of broken | trunchions, to fill vp their boate that else 
should goe empty : and if they haue but a pound weight of 
good Merchandise, it shall be placed at the poope, or pluckt 
in a thousande peeces to credit their carriage. For my part, ao 
euery man as he likes, Mefts cuiusque is est quisque. Tis as 
good to goe in cut fingerd Pumps as corke shooes, if one 
were Cornish diamonds on his toes. To explain it by a 
more familiar example, an Asse is no great stateman in the 
beastes common-wealth, though he weare hisearestj^^^^a^/ 25 
muffe^ after the Muscouy fashion, & hange the lip like a 
Capcase halfe open, or looke as demurely as a sixpenny 
browne loafe, for he hath some imperfections that do keepe 
him fr6 the cdmon Councel : yet of many he is deemed 
a very vertuous m^fber, and one of the honestest sort of ^p 
men that are ; So that our c^inion (as Sextus Empiricus 
affirmeth) giues the name of good or ill to euery thing. 
Out of whose works (latelie translated into English, for the 
benefit of vnleamed writers) a man might collect a whole 

3 dmmioe, ti^ and 6>v., .S«Mi6l. goe it so C«/Z. 7 to bee, to bee C«£^ ax 
Mem ColLt Gr9. 23 were! weftre CoU, : wore Gro, 24 t/ttXetmnn Cell,, 
Gro^ Smith, 31 Em^riats] Smith : Empedoau Q., Gro, : fimpedodes CM 



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FOR THEM THAT LIST 333 

booke of this argument, which no doubt woulde proue a 
worthy commonwealth matter, and far better than wits waxe 
kameU : much good worship haue the Author. 

Such is this golden age wherein we line, and so replenisht 

5 with golden Asses of all sortes, that, if learning had lost it 
selfe in a groue of Genealogies, wee neede doe no more but 
sette an olde goose ouer halfe a dozen pottle pots, (which 
are as it were the egges of inuention,) and wee shall haue 
such a breede of bookes within a little while after, as will 

10 fill all the world with the wilde fowle of good wits ; I can 
tell you this is a harder thing then making golde of quick- 
siluer, and will trouble you more then the Morrall of JEsops 
Glow-worme hath troubled our English Apes, who, striuing 
to warme themselues with the flame of the Philosophers 

15 stone, haue spent all their wealth in buying bellowes to 
blowe this false fyre. Gentlemen, I feare I haue too much 
presumed on your idle leysure, and beene too bold, to stand 
talking all this while in an other mans doore; but now I will 
leaue you to suruey the pleasures of Paphos^ and ofier your 

20 smiles on the Aulters of Venus. 

Yours in all desire to please, 
Tho: Nashe. 

3 kanreU CcU. 



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DOUBTFUL WORKS 



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AN ALMOND FOR A PARRAT 

Entry in the Stationers* Register: None. 

Editions: (i) Early: 

[1590.] An Almond for a Parrat, | Or \ Cutbert Curry-knaucs | 
Almes. I Fit for the knaue Martin, and the | reft oftho/e impudent 
BeggerSy that \ can not be content to ilay their (lomakes | with a 
Benefice, but they will needes | breake their fades with | our Bilhops. | 
Rimarumjum plenus. \ Therefore beware fgentle Reader^ you j 
catch not the hicket with laughing. | [ornament] | Jf^HP^i^^^^ ^^ 
a ipiacf, not fane from | a Vlacf» 6s t!)f SiCigiUit of iSigniot 
iSome-toOs, aaO | ave to \t folO at \S,% Ooyye in StouMi-kiiittf | 
%tAti, at tjftf eigne of tjfte | i&tanOiflb. 

Qoarta No colophon. Paged from B fv to B 3 (2-5), leaves 
numbered from B 4 to F 3 (4-19) ; leaves 6, 7, 8 are misnumbered 5, 
liy 7, and leaf 16 is misnumbered 3i. 

CoUaHon : kr-Y^. (A l) Title, v. blank. A 3 * TO THAT MOST 
Comicall and conceited Caualeire Monsieur du Kempe • • / Ram, and 
Jtal. R-T. none. B. 'An Almond for a Parrat.' BX. and Rom. 
R-T. An Almond | for a Parrat. (F 4) blank. 

Signatures are in Black Letter with arable numerals, except those 
of A, of which the letters are Roman. Fourth leaves not signed* 

Catch-words: As. two A 3. to B i. shroude C I. arte. D i. 
enery £ i. (Phe-)bus F i. into (All in Black Letter except those 
of A, which are Roman.) 

Copy used: That in the British Museum (C. 37. d. 45). The text 
has also been compared with the other copy in the same Library 
(96. b. 15. (4.)), which has a few different readings, though the two are 
evidendy from the same setting-up of type. When it is required to 
distinguish between the copies C. 37. d. 45. is referred to as a and 
96. b.15. (4.) asb. 

in Z 



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338 AN ALMOND FOR A PARRAT 

(a) Modem Edition: 

1846. (Peth.) An Almond for a Parrot: being a reply to 
Martin Mar-Prelate . . . London : John Petheram. pp. xi and 60. 

In the series called ' Puritan Discipline Tracts.' Edited, with an 
introduction and notes, by J. Petheram. An accurate reprint in the 
original spelling with a few changes in punctuation, &c. The copy 
used corresponded sometimes with a and sometimes with b, and 
perhaps in a few instances varied from both. I have therefore thought 
it well to give a foil collation of this text, so fisur, at least, as verbal 
differences are concerned, thoc^h not as r^ards punctuation. 



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An Almond for aParrat; 

Or ^ 

Cutbcrt Cuny-knaucs 

Fit fo Ae Inauc Martm, and the 
refi ofthofe impudenp Seggers^tbat 

can not be content to%tlMu&ttates 
with aBencfice» bntthc]^ wHIqcciIo 

nteake their £ifleswitlL 
onrBtfliops» 

^armfimfkim. 

Heidoji beware (gqide Reader Itoq 
Otchiiottheliidetwiailau^iu^ 




IMiAtyacitodpKflrili 



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TO THAT MOST 

Comicall and conceited Caualeire 
Monsieur du I^empey lestmonger and 

Vicef;erent generall to the Ghost of 
5 Dicke Tarlton. 

His louing brother Cuthert Curry-knaue 
sendeth Greeting. 

BRother Kempe, as many alhaOes to thy person as there be 
haicocks in luly at Pancredge : So it is that, what for old 

lo acquaintance, and some other respectes of my pleasure, I haue 
thought good to offer here certaine spare stuffe to your protec- 
tion, which if your sublimide accept in good part, or vouchsafe 
to shadow with the curtaine of your countenance, I am yours 
till fatall destiny | two yeares after doomes day. Many write A a'' 

15 bookes to knights and men of great place, and haue thankes with 
promise of a further reward for their paines : others come of with 
a long Epistle to some rufling Courtier, that sweares swoundes 
and bloud, as soone as euer their backe is tumd, a man can not 
goe in the streetes for these impudent beggers. To auoide 

ao therefore as well the worthlesse attendance on the one, as the 
vsuall scome of the other, I haue made choise of thy amorous 
selfe to be the pleasant patron of my papers. If thou wilt not 
accept of it in r^;ard of the enuy of some Qtizens, that can 
not away with aigument. He preferre it to the soule of Dick 

35 Tarlton, who^ I know, will entertaine it with thankes, imitating 
herein that merry man Rablays, who dedicated most of his 
workes to the soule of the old Queene of Nauarre many yeares 
after her death, for that she was a maintainer of mirth in her life. 
Marry, God send vs more of her making, and then some of vs 

3oshouldnot liuesodiscontetedaswedo: for, now |adayes, a man As 
can not haue a bout with a Balletter, or write Midcu habet aures 
8 BRioCfaer Q. 31 about Q. 



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34a AN ALMOND 

asimnas in great Romaine letters, but hee shall bee in daunger oi 

a further displeasure. Well, come on it what will, Martin and 

I will allow of no such doinges ; wee can cracke halfe a score 

blades in a backe-lane though a Constable come not to part vs. 

Neither must you thinke his worship is to pure to be such 5 

a swasher, for as Scipio was called Africanus, not for relieuing and 

restoring, but for subuerting and destroying of Africa ; so he and 

his companions are called Puritans, not for aduancing or suppc»t- 

ing of puride by their vnspotted integritie, but of their vndermin- 

ing and supplanting it by their manifold heresies. And in deed lo 

therein he doth but apply himselfe to that hope which his holinesse 

the Pope and other confederate foiriners haue conceiued of his 

towardnesse. For comming from Venice the last Summer, and 

taking Bergamo in my waye homeward to England, it was my 

A 3"" happe, soiouming there some foure or fine dayes, | to light in 15 

felowship with that famous Francatrip' Harlicken, who^ perceiuing 

me to bee an English man by my habit and speech, asked me 

many particulars of the order and maner of our playes, which he 

termed by the name of representations : amongst other talke he 

enquired of me if I knew any such Parabolano here in Londcm as » 

Signior Chiarlatano Kempino. Veiy well, (quoth I,) and haue 

beene oft in his company. He, hearing me say so, b^an to 

embrace me a new, and offered me all the courtesie he colde for 

his sake, saying, although he knew him not, yet for the report he 

had hard of his pleasance, hee colde not but bee in loue with his H 

perfections being absent As we were thus discoursing, I hard 

such ringing of belles, such singing, such shouting, as though 

Rhodes had beene recouered, or the Turke quite driuen out of 

Christendome, therewithal I might behold an hundreth bonefi^s 

together, tables spred in the open streetes, and banquets brought 50 

A 4 in of all handes. Demaunding the reason of him | that was next 

me, he told the newes was there (thankes be to God) that there 

was a famous Schismatike, one Martin, newe sprung vp in 

England, who by his bookes, libels, and writings, had brought 

that to passe which neither the Pope by his Seminaries, Philip by 35 

his power, nor all the holy League by their vnderhand practises 

and policies could at any time effect : for wheras they liued at 

vnitie before, and might by no meanes be drawne vnto discord, 

Z4 It Q. 16 FianciUrip' lbr»km T)a: Fnuicattip* i, I'M, 



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FOR A PARRAT 543 

bee hath inuented such quiddities to set them together by the 
eares that now the temporaltie is readie to plucke out the throtes 
of the Cleaigie, & subiects to withdraw their all^eance from their 
Soueiaj^e : so that in short time it is hoped they will bee vp in 
5 armes one against another, whiles we, aduantaged by this 
domestical! enuy, may inuade them vnawares, when they shall not 
be able to resist. I, sory to heare of these triumphes, coulde not 
rest till I had related these tidinges to my countrimen. If thou 
hast them at the second hand, (fellow Kempe,) impute it to the 
xo I intercepting of my papers, that haue stayed for a good winde A 4V 
euer since the beginning of winter. Now they are arriued, make 
much of them, and with the credit of thy clownery protect thy 
Cutbert Ax>m Carpers. 

Th'ne in the W€^ of brotherhood^ 
15 Cutbert Curry-hnaue. \ 

5 of Clergie, and . . . witbdiawe ^. 



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Bi An Almond for a Parrai. 

WEkome, Mayster Martin^ from the dead, and much good 
107 may you haue of your stage-like resurrection. It was 
told me by the vndanted purseuants of your sonnes, and credibly 
beleeued in regard of your sinnes, that your grout-headed holinesse 5 
had tumd vppe your hedes like a tired iade in a medow, and 
snorted out your scomefull soule, like a mesled hogge on a mucke- 
hill, which had it not beene &lse, as the deuiU woulde haue it» 
that long tongd doctresse, Dame Law.^ muste haue beene fiune (in 
spite of insperadon) to haue giuen ouer speaking in the congrega- 10 
tion, and employ h^ Parrats tong in stead of a winde^^lapper to 
scarre the crowes from thy carrion. But profound CUffif the 
ecclesiasticall cobler, interrupted from his morning exercise with 
this false alarum, broke vp his brotherly loue-meeting abruptly, 
when the spirite had but newly moued him, and betooke him to 15 
his solitary shoppe, abutting on the backe side of a bulke. Nor 
was his souterly sorrow so hippocritically ingratefuU, but he 
determined in the aboundance of his teares, that made a fril tide 
in his blacking tubbe, to haue stitcht vp your traytourshippe 
a tumbe of vntand leadier, wherein, tanquam cukolo insuius^ hee so 
mought haue sought his fortune in the seas. But I know not 
how this parraddes exequies were prorogd, in so much as 
a brother in Christ of his at Northhampton fetcht a more thriftier 
president of funeralls piping hot from the primitiue church, which, 
including but a few words and those passing well expounded, h 
ket)t his wainscot from waste, and his linnen from wearing; 
sufficeth he tombled his wife naked into the earth at high noone, 
B V without sheete or | shroude to couer her shame, breathing ouer 
her in an audible voice : Naked came I out of my mothers wombe, 
and naked shall I retume againe. Tut, tut, a thousand of these 50 
pranks make no discord in my young maisters discipline, whose 
reformed fraternity quoat Scripture so confidently as if they had 

9 £dne] fidat Q, Pitk. 



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AN ALMOND FOR A PARRAT 345 

lately purchast a commission oi cum priuikgio ad inkrpntandum 
solum from Christ and his twelue Apostls. And in deede who 
knowes whether Maister Martin being inspired, as earst one of 
his ilEurtion, who, hearing the waites play vnder his window very 

6 early, insulted most impudently that in the midst of his morning 
praiers he was presented with the melody of Angels, so hee ' 
in like manner shoulde vaunt of some reudation, wherein the full 
sinode of Lucifsrs ministers angeUs assembled did parlament all 
their enuy to the subuersion of our established ministry, and then 

10 comes forth some more subtile spirite of hipocrisie which offers 
himself to be a false prophet in the mouths of our Martinists ; to 
whom the whole sedition house of hd condiscending, break vp 
their sessions, and send this seduce into the world ; where finding 
no such mutinous seate as the heart of our seconde PUaie 

15 Marprelate^ he chose it in steade of a worser, to bee vnto England 
as Zidkiah^ son of Ch^naanahy was vnto Ahab. Beare with me, 
good Maister Pistle>monger, if, in comparing thy knaueiy, my full 
points seeme as tedious to thy puritane perusers as the Northren 
mans mile, and a waybitte to the weary passenger, for I tdl thee 

90 troth, till I see what market commission thou hast to assiste any 
mans sentences, I will neuer subscribe to thy periode prescisme. 
And hearest thou^ old Martin^ did all thy libells iointly shroude 
so much substance of diuinity in their outlandish letters as that 
cme periode of vniformity in T, C. directing to obedience, I would 

15 thinke God had bin mercifuU to thee in inspiring thy soule with 
some one separate motion from reprobation, but when whole 
reames of paper are blotted with thy huperbolical blasphemies, 
and religious matters of controuersy | more then massacred by thy B a 
prophane scurrility, I cS but suppose thy hart ^ house swept and 

30 garnished, into the which the foule spirit returned with other 7. 
^irits worse then himself. Malicious hipocryt, didst thou so 
much malign the successeful thriuings of the Gospell, that thou 
shouldst filch thy selfe, as a new disease, into our gouemement ? 
wert thou the last instrument of Sathans enuy, that, as the 

35 abhortiue childe of a Chaos of heresies, thou sholdst adorae thy 
fidse dealing with the induments of discipline? Me thinks I see 
thee smile from vnder thy double-fact hood, to thinke howe 
ccafUly thou hast crept into mens cOsciences : but wouldst thou 

II be be 6* 31 buum] P#A. : many Q* 



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346 AN ALMOND 

obserue, how il thy alanims haue prosperd in our peaceable esas, 
that make no more breach into our state then the iron homes of 
those hony t(%d prophets into the arraies of the Aramttes^ Chra 
2. and tenth Chap., thou wouldest, iiri^AchitopheU^ return to tfay 
house (at least if thou hast any) and hang thy selfe in a mdan- s 
cholie, for that thy counsaile was turned to follye. When I first 
saw thy books, I ascribed thy impudence to the Caiabriam 
wonders of 88.; but when 89. beheld thee in a new sate, 
I imagined the excesse of our sins sent thee forth to geue railing 
sentence against vs, as Simei against Dauid in the 2. of Kings. 10 
Yet, seely sophister, wouldest thou return the sobrietie of thy 
morning wittes to this ouerwome Simile, that the rodde which 
was made to correct, post desHnaium finetn^ is cast into the fire^ 
thy despaire would deeme euery darke hole the entraunce into hell, 
thy soule being the cittie whereof the deuill is made free by 15 
endenture. And be it true which pittying report hath auouched, 
Herostraius desire to be famous made thee to seale him a connei- 
ance of it many yeares since, so that now thy notorious pamphlets 
hauing passed the Presse, it is to be feared he will come ouer 
thee for couenantes ere many yeares to an end. It may bee thoa to 
hast redde Foxes Monuments more idlely, where lighting on the 
example of Zf^/A^, that by his praiers importunidemade thedeoil 
to deUuer vp the obligation of his donation, that sold the icnes of 
B av Heaue for the inheritance of earthy | thou hopest in like manner 
in the age of thine iniquities to bee restored to eternity by the as 
vncessant inuocation of the Church which thou termest Antichris- 
dan. Deceiue not thy selfe, thou man of security, for the en^ny 
of Adam is no poedcall Argus^ that his eies should bee put out l^ 
thy arguments. I tell thee troth, he wil be-pistle thee so peuishly, 
with allegations of vnuenidall sinnes, as though hee were borne 30 
within two houses of Batde bridge. It is not thy despairing 
protestations can make thy peace with God, whose church thoa 
hast sought to deuide, as did Herods souldiers his garmentes : 
wele geue thee leaue to tell vs a smooth tale of the intercepting of 
thy treasons, and curry &uour, like a crafty foxe, with the duiU 35 
magistrate in politique termes of feare and reuerence, but thy 
heart is no more disguised in this hjrpocriticall apparel then 
a trenchour Arisiippus in the coate of a Parasite. Why discouise 

X il] MPitk. 2 state, then Q, Petk. 30 Qy. rvA/TnuenkU/ 



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FOR A PARRAT 347 

I so soberly with the mortall enemy of modesty, when as the 
filth of the stewes, distild into ribauldry termes, cannot confection- 
ate a more intemperate stile then his Pamphlets? Thou calst 
our Bishops wicked by comparison, whereas (wert thou strooken, 

5 as thou protests, with the vntoward euentes of thy villanies) thou 
shouldst find the defilings of the 7. deadly sins to haue broght 
thee^ by a pleasant pollution^ within the possitiue d^ee of 
damnation. What talk I to him of hel or damnation, whom 
Lucifsr hath fumisht to infection with the painted poison of snout- 

10 holy deuotion, and all the powers of darknesse haue adorned as 
an intelligencer to their kingdome of the infirmities in our 
flourishing Church of England? To this purpose haue they 
inspired him with a most scurrile spirite of lying, that when his 
eagle-sighted enuy can truely atract no argument of infieuny, his 

\lpoetica Ucentia may haue a fresh supply of possibilities^ that 
encrease by cdtinuance to a compleat libell of leasings. All you 
that be schollers, read but his last challenge, wherein he laies 
about him so lamely as though of his limping brother Pa^. hee 
had lately learned to play | at cudgels. But how euer his crazed B 3 

ao cause goes on crutches, that was earst so brauely encountered by 
Pasquin and Marphoreus^ and not many moneths since most 
wittily scofte at by the extemporall endeuour of the pleasant author 
of Pap with a hatchet ; yet is not the good olde creeple vtterly 
discouraged, or driuen cleane from his dounghiU, but he meanes 

as to make the persecuted Coblers once more merrie. Yet by your 
leaue his other dayes daunger is not so fully disgested that he 
shuld forget the sanctified martyrs, his brethren, those runagate 
Printers, to whose reuenge he bequeatheth a large Pistle of 
rayling Epithites, and mistearmeth our Bishoppes authoritie with 

30 a whole Textor of tyrannic. A few of whose milder tearms are 
of this making, wicked Priests, presumptuous Priests, proude 
Prelates, arrogant Bishops, horseleeches, butchers, persecutors of 
the truth, Lamhethical whelps, Spanish Inquisitours. Thinke 
you this myrie mouthed mate a partaker of heauenly inspiration, 

35 that thus aboundes in his vncharitable railings ? yet are these 
nothing in comparison of his auncient burlibond adiunctes, that 
so pester his former edition with their vnweldie phrase, as no 
true syllogisme can haue elbowe roome where they are. In 

18 brother. Pag, bee Q. 19 leamdd Q. 



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348 AN ALMOND 

which Alphabet thesethatfoUowe may bee placed: boansing Priests, 
terrible Priests, venerable Maisters, proud and pontificall Patri- 
politians. Gentle reader, I giue you but a tast of them by the 
waie, that you may knowe them the next time you meete them id 
your dish, and leame to disceme a poysonous scorpion from 5 
wholesome fish. Martin, you must thinke, was moude, ¥^en his 
gun-pouder papers were fired aboute his eares, and the spend- 
thriftes, his Printers, haled to the prison their patrimonies. 
Wherefore I cannot blame him though he sends abroade his Lett^s 
of supplication in behalfe of his seruants that did but his bidding. 10 
The Church, the Church is persecuted amongst you, my maisters, 
and Martin gettes nere a superintendentship by the shift, but let 
not M^ Law, crie once more to the Churchwardens for her 
B i* foode, least shee | bring with her a campe royall of scoldes, to 
scratch out your eyes. Oh, she will declaime brauely ouer a 15 
Cuckstoole, andplaie the gyant in a narrowe lane with herdistafie. 
Maister Cooper shall haue his stipend still at Paules chaine, or 
else shee will sweate for it I lyke such a wench that will stande 
to her tackling ; why, Bishoppes are but men, and she will carrie 
a Martin in her plackarde in despite of the proudest of them alL ao 
Leame of her, you London Matrones, to make hodie-peeles of 
your husbandes, and leade them like good soules vp and downe 
the streetes by the homes : let it be seene by your courages in 
scolding, that women haue soules, which a balde eloquent brother 
of yours denide not long since in his Sermon at Lichfielde. I, I9 »5 
my maisters, you may mocke on, as you see cause, but I warrant 
you the good olde true-pennie Marprelate is not so merrie ; hee 
sits mminating vnder an oake, or in the bottome of a ha3rstacke^ 
whose bloud shall be first spilte in the reformation of the Church. 
And not without cause, for hee that hath so lately felte the paine 30 
of worming and launcing cannot but stande in awe of Buls shdng 
tooles one two moneths after. O, it is a hairebrande ¥^ooresonne^ 
and well seene in Phlebotomie ; if a but once take knife in hande^ 
cha will as soone let out the seditious humours forth a Martinistes 
bodie, as the best he in England, that hath bin twentie yeeres 35 
practioners in Surgerie. Good munckie face Machiuell, shew but 
thy head once, and trie him at my request, and if he doe it not 

2\ Qy, readhod^-'pcfkeit a6 mocke, on as voa Q, Peth. Qy. rtad 

mocke, an yon / 3a Qy. rtad hairebcaindef 30 Qy. nm/practitiooer f 



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FOR A PARRAT 349 

more handsomely then those whom thou callest Butchers and 
Horseleeches, then neuer trust an olde ladde whitest thou liuest 
How euer it happens, thou bearest thy resolution in thy mouth at 
h^he midnight, and hast Scripture enough to carrie thee to 

5 heauen, though thou wert hangde to morrowe We feare not men 
that can kill the bodie, quoth MarfiH, because we feare God, who 
can cast both bodie and soule into vnquenchable fire. Doest 
thou feare God in deede ? I praie thee, good hedge-creeper, how 
shall I we knowe that? What, by the smoothing of thy face, the B 4 
xo simpering of thy mouth, or staring of thy eies ? Why, if that be to 
feare God, He haue a spare fellowe shall make mee a whole quest 
of bees for three Carthinges. But thou wilt peraduenture saie, by 
thy obedience vnto him. Then will I catechise thee more kindfy 
with a fewe more Christian questions : the first whereof shall be 

15 this, wherein thou placest obedience ; which if thou aunswerest, by 
doing that which God hath commaunded in his worde, then would I 
knowe of thee whether that of Paul be Canonicall or Apocripha, He 
that resisteth the magistrate, resisteth the ordinaunce of God. And 
here I am sure to be had by the eares with a Geneua note of the 

90 distinction of magistrates, but all that shall not serue your tumesy 
forlledriueyoufrom yom jDic JScdesm ere I haue done: ware the 
vnmasking of Martin^ when it comes tis lyke to bee a shrewde 
Pistle, I can tell you. Prepare your aigumentes as you will, for 
Mar-Martin Junior meanes to make such hauocke of you in that 

95 his next peece of seruice, as all your borrowed weapons of simple 
T. C. shall not bee able to withstande. For your olde soakLig 
Demonstrationer, that hath scrapte vp such a deale of Scripture 
to so lyttle purpose. He leaue his confusion to the vacaunt leasure 
of our grauer Diuines, who, I knowe, did they but once sette penne 

30 to paper, woulde grinde his discipline to powder. Thou art the 
man, olde Martin of Englande, that I am to deale withall, that 
striues to outstrip all our writers in witte, and iustle our goueme- 
ment forth of doores with a iest What, wee must not let you 
passe with such fauourable tearmes as our graue Fathers haue done; 

35 your Bookes must bee lookt ouer^ and you beaten lyke a dogge 
for your lying. I thinke, I thinke I shall haue occasion to close 
with you sweetlie in your Hay anie worke for a Cooper^ and cutte 
o£r the traynes of your tedious syllogismes, that nowe haue no 

a7 fcrspte Q. 



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350 AN ALMOND 

B4V I lesse then seauen or eight Tennini waiting on them. Fortifie 
your ruinous buildinges betimes, and saie hee was your friende 
that badde you : for I can tell you thus much, a whole hoast of 
Pasquils are comming vppon you, who will so beleaguer yoor 
paper walles as that not one idle worde shall escape the edge of 5 
their wit I giue thee but a brauado now, to let thee knowe I am 
thine enemie ; but the next time you see Mar-Martine in armes, 
bidde your sonnes and your £Eunilie prouide them to God-warde, 
for I am eagerly bent to reuenge, & not one of them shall escape, 
no, not 2! C. himselfe as full as he is of his myracles. But to 10 
pursue maister Protestationer in his common place of persecution. 
I remember we talkt euen now of a dudgen destinction from 
which my Bedlam brother Wig, and poltfoote Pag, with the rest 
of those patches striue to deriue theyr discipline disobedience. 
Our Ecclesiasticall goueroment & gouemours, say they, are t5 
wicked and vnlawfulL Why? because Sir Peter nor Sir Paul 
were neuer Archbishoppes of Canterbury, London, or Yorke. 
They were Fisher-men, and were not able. When Cxsars Officers 
demaunded their tribute to make fiue groates amongst them, then 
what reason is it our Btshoppes should inioy their fiue hundreds, so 
nay, that which is more, their thousand and two thousands ? They 
were none of these Cartercaps, Graduates, nor Doctors, therfore 
why should we tie our Ministrie to the prophane studies of the 
Vniuersitie? What is Logicke but the highe waie to wrangling, 
conta3rning in it a world of bibble babble. Neede we anie oH h 
your Greeke, Latine, Hebrue, or anie such gibbrige, when wee 
haue the word of God in English? Go to, go to, you are a great 
company of vaine men, that stand vpon your d^;rees and tongues, 
with tittle tattle, I cannot tell what, when as (if you looke into the 
matter as you ought) the Apostles knew neare a Letter of the 90 
booke. Iwis it were not two pins hurt if your Colledges wer fired 
ouer your heades, and you turade a b^ging forth your fellow- 

C z shippes, like Fryers | and Monkes, vp and downe the Countrie. 
I, marie, sir, this is somewhat like, now Martin speakes like 
himselfe ; I dare saie for him, good man, he could be contented 35 
there were nere a maister of Art, Bachelour of Diuinitie, Doctor, 
or Bishop in England, on that condition he prest Fishermen, 
scullers, Coopers, Stitchers, Weauers, and Coblers into theyr 

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FOR A PARRAT 351 

places. You talke of a Harmonie of the Churches, but heere 
would be a consort of knauerie worth the publishing to all 
posteritie. Would you not laugh to see CH^ the Cobler, and Ntw,^ 
the souter, ierking out theyr elbowes in euerie Pulpit? Why, I 

5 am sure Ladie Law. would &st mans flesh a whole moneth to- 
gether, but shee woulde giue either of them a gowne doth on that 
condition. My selfe doe knowe a zealous Preacher in Ipswich 
that, beeing but a while a goe a stage player, will now take 
vpon him to brandish a Text agaynst Bishoppes as well as the 

10 best Martinist in all Suflblke. Why, I praie you goe no farther 
then Batter : haue wee not there a reuerent Pastour of Martines 
owne making, that vnderstands not a bit of Latine, nor neuer dyd 
so much as looke towards the Vniuersitie in his life ? yet you see 
for a neede he can helpe discipline out of the durt, and come 

15 ouer our Cleargie verie handsomely with an heere is to bee noted 
Oh, he is olde dogge at expounding, and deade sure at a Cate- 
chisme, alwayes prouided that it bee but halfe a sheete long, and 
he be two yeeres about it. And well too, my maisters, for such 
a one that vauntes himsdfe to bee, as hee is, as good a Gentleman 

ao euerie inch of him as anie is in all Stafford sheere. Bee what he 
will, one thing I wote, hee is sddome without a good Cheese in 
his studie, besides apples and nuttes, although his wife can neuer 
come at them. I hearde not long since of a stoute conference 
hee had with a yong scholer, who, taking my Deske-man some^ 

%l what tardie in his disputations, told him hee was inspired with too 
much Logique. Wherevnto hee replyed with this solempne pro- 
testatid, I thank God, al the world cannot accuse me of that | arte. C i^ 
I hope anon, maister Martin^ I shall bee meetelie euen with you 
for your knauerie, if I goe but two mile further in your Ministrie. 

30 It is not the Primitiue Church shall beare out the Vicar of little 
Down, in Norfolke, in groaping his owne hennes, like a Cotqueane ; 
I am to come ouer him, when I haue more leasure, for his tenne 
shillings Sermons at Thetforde ; wherein if he raue as hee was wont 
to doe, He make him wishe that hee had beene still Vsher of 

35 Westminster. Well, to the purpose. You saie Bishoppes are no 
Magistrates, because they are no lawfull Magistrates. Is it euen 
80, brother Ttmothk^ will it neuer be better, must I euer leade 
you vp and downe antiquitie by the nose lyke an Asse? May 

II Better. h«ie C. 0^.mi^Battd/ ai wiihoat Q. 



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iS% AN ALMOND 

neither Scriptures nor Fathers goe for paiment with jrou, but 
still ]rou will bee reducing vs to the president of the persecuted 
Church, and so confounde the discipline of warre and peace ? If 
you will needes make vs the apes of all their extremities, why doe 
not you vrge the vse of that communide wherein Ananias and 5 
Saphira were yn&ythfiill ? Perswade Noble men and GaitloDoen 
to sell theyr.landes, and laie the money at your feete; take awaie 
the title of mine and thine from amongst vs, and let the woiide 
knowe you heereafter by the name of Anabaptistes. Admit that 
the authoritie of Bishoppes were as vnlawfuU as you woulde make 10 
it, yet since it is imposed vnto them by the Princes owne mouth, 
and ratified by the approbation of so many Kings and £mperours» 
as well in their particular Parliamentes as genasU counsayles, you 
are bounde in conscience to reuerence it, and in all humilitie to 
r^;arde it, insomuch as Christ denide not tribute to Cxsar^ an 15 
vsurper, nor appealde from Pilate^ a Pagan, who occufMed that 
place by the intrusion of tyrannie. Were the Isradites in captiuitie 
anie whit exempted from the obedience of subiectes, in that they 
lined vnder the scepter oi Nabuchodonesor^ an Idolater, who had 
blasphemed their God, defaced their Temple, and defiled their ao 
C a holie vesselles? Nay, | are they not expreslie commaunded by 
the Lordes owne mouth, to honour him as their ELing? Howe 
can they then escape the dampnation of contempte, that, beeing 
priuate subiectes to such a vertuous Soueraigne as is zealous of 
Gods glorie, will controU her disposing of honours, and oppose as 
vnto publique derision those the especiall piUers and omamentes 
of her state, whome shee hath graced from their infancie with so 
many sundrie ascentes of dignities? But were this all, then 
shodde not treason bee such a braimche of your religion as it is. 
Haue not you and your followers vndermined her Graces Throane, ao 
as much as traytours might ? Call to minde the badde practise of 
your brother, the Booke-binder, and his accomplishes at Burie^ 
who beeing as hotte spirited as your worshippes in the schismaticall 
subiect of reformation, and seeing it woulde not come of halfe 
kindlie to theyr contentment, made no more a doe, but added 35 
this newe Posie to her Maiesties armes : Those that bee neither 
hotte nor colde, He spue them out of my mouth, sayth the Lorde. 

14 renerenoe Q. so de&faced Q. a a King: Howe Q. a5 her, 
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FOR A PARRAT 353 

Denie this, and lie bring a whole Assizes, as Obsignatos testes of 
your trecherie. To come neerer to thee, Brother Martin, Hast 
not thou in thy firste booke agaynst Doctour Bridges^ as also in 
Hay anie worke for Cooper, excluded her Highnesse from all 
5 Ecclesiasticall gouemement, saying shee hath neyther skill nor 
commission, as shee is a Magistrate, to substitute anie member or 
minister in the Church? And in an other place, that there is 
neither vse nor place in the Chiu-ch for members, ministers, or 
officers of the magistrates making ? If this wyll not come in 
10 compasse of treason, then farewell the title of Supremade, and 
welcome agayne vnto Poperie. By this time, I thinke, good- 
man Puritan, that thou art perswaded that I knowe as well as thy 
owne conscience thee, namely Martin Makebate of Englande, to 
bee a moste scuruie and beggerlie benefactor to obedience, & per 
15 consequens^ to feare neyther men nor that God who can | cast C a^ 
both bodie and soule into vnquenchable fire. In which respect I 
neyther account you of the Churche, nor esteeme of your bloude, 
otherwise then the bloud of Infidelles. Talke as long as you will 
of the ioyes of heauen, or paines of hell, and tume from your selues 
ao the terrour of that iudgement howe you will, which shall bereaue 
blushing iniquitie of the figge leaues of hypocrisie, yet ?rill the eie 
of immortalitie disceme of your painted pollutions as the euer- 
liuing foode of perdition. The humours of my eies are the habita- 
tions of fountaines, and the circumference of my heart the enclosure 
35 of tearefuU contrition, when I thinke howe many soules at that 
moment shall carrie the name of Martine on their foreheads to 
the vale of confusicm, in whose innocent bloude thou swimming 
to hell, shalt haue the tormentes of tenne thousande thousande 
sinners at once, inflicted vppon thee. There will enuie, mallice, 
30 and dissimulation bee euer adling for vengeance agaynst thee, and 
incite whole legions of deuilles to thy deathlesse lamentation. 
Mercie will saie vnto thee, I knowe thee not, and Repentaunce; 
what haue I to doe with thee? All hopes shall shake the head 
at thee, and saie, there goes the poyson of puritie, the perfection 
35 of impietie, the serpentine seducer of stmplicitie. 2^1e her selfe 
will crie out vppon thee, and curse the time that euer shee was 
maskte by thy malHce, who, lyke a Uinde leader of the blinde, 
sufTeredst her to stumble at euerie steppe in Religion, and madest 

35 teardall] fearefall b, PM, 
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354 AN ALMOND 

her seeke, in the dimnesse of her sight, to murther her mother, the 
Churche, from whose pappes thou lyke an enuious dogge but 
yesterdaie pluckest her. Howe euer, proude scomer, thy whoor- 
ishe impudencie may happen heereafter to insiste in the derision 
of these fearefull denuntiations, and sporte thy iesters penne at 5 
the speach of my soule, yet take heede least despayre bee predo- 
minant in the daie of thy death, and thou, in steade of calling for 
C 3 mercie to thy lesus, repeate more oftner to thy | selfe, Sic marior 
damnatus vt ludas. And thus much, Martin^ in the way of com- 
passion, haue I spoke for thy edification, moued therto by a 10 
brotherly commiseration, which, if thou bee not too desperate in 
thy deuilish attempts, may reform thy heart to remorse, and thy 
pamphletes to some more profitable theame of repentance. But 
now haue at thee for the goodnesse of the cause, of which thou 
saist : We must not reason from the successe. 15 

Trust me therein thou hast spoke wiser then thou art aware of, 
for if a man should imagine of fruite by the rottennesse, of gar- 
mentes by the moath frets, of wine by the sowmesse, I warrant 
him for euer being good costerd-monger, broker, or vintner whiles 
he Hues. Therefore we must not measure of Martin as he is ao 
allied to Elderton or tongd like Will Tony, as he was attired like 
an Ape on f stage, or sits writing of Paphlets in some spare out- 
house, but as hee is Mar-Prelat of Englad, as he surpasseth 
King & colier, in crying, So ho ho, brother Bridges, Wo ho ho, 
John a London. Ha ha he. Doctor Copecotes. Doe this & 35 
I warrant you for sauoring of the fleshe, though you take the 
oportunity of the spirite with euery sister in Christ Beholde 
the state of the low Countryes, since your Plaintife Pistler will 
needs make the comparison, suppose Martin to be the map of 
Beigia dilacerata, whose chiefe prouinces as they are wholye 30 
possessed with Spaniards, so thinke his hart and soule enhabited 
with spite, they Romists in the matter of Religion, and he 
a Papist in supremacies contradiction, her inward partes possessed 
with Anabaptists and Lutherans, and his more priuate opinions 
polluted with the dregs of them both, her farthest borders of 35 
Holland and Zeland peopled, God wot, with a small number of 
vnperfite Protestants, and the fiirthest and fewest of his thoughts 

21 T<mg h. Pith, 33 as is b, Peth. England b^ Petk, 24 collier 

h. Pith, 3a spict b, Peth. 



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FOR A PARRAT 355 

taken vppe with some odde true points of Religion. How now. 
Father Martin^ haue not I hit your meaning patte in this corn* 
I)arison ? Say, wil you haue any more such interpretations ? If 
you say Amen to | it, He also reconcile your allegoricall indue- C 3^ 

5 tion of France to the present constitutid of your frowardnes : but 
that shal not neede, since the misery of the one is the mirrour of 
the other, and the Reader must suppose that Martin would neare 
haue compared himselfe to Flaunders nor France, but as they reflect 
by allusion the distraction of his £stctious faith. Howeeuer you 

10 take him at the worst, yet is his welchnes perswaded that the 
Lord hath some speciall purpose, by preuentinge of his presse, to 
try who they be that are hipocrites, and what they be ^ are 
innocent: And not vnlike too, for hauing interrupted the 
trafique of honestye, so long as thou hast, with thy coQterfet 

15 knauery, tis more the hie time thy vnder-had treachery were 
broght to the touchstone of authority. You think we know not 
how pretily your Printers were shrouded vnder the name of salt- 
petermen, so that who but Hodgkins^ Tomlins^ and Sims at the 
vndermining of a house, and vndomg of poore men by diggyng 

30 vp their floars and breaking down their wals. No, no, we neuer 
heard how orderly they pretended the printing of Accidences, 
when my L. of Darbies men came to see what they were a doing, 
what though they damned themselues about the deniall of the 
deede, is periury such a matter amongst puritans? Tush, they 

95 account it no sin as long as it is in the way of protestation, being 
in the mind of a good old fellow in Cambridge, who, sitting in 
S. Johns as Senior at the fellowes election, was reprehended by 
some of his betters, for that hee gaue his voice with a dunce like 
himself, contrary to oath, statute, and conscience : why, quoth hee, 

30 I neither respect oath, statute, nor conscience, but only the glory 
of God. Men are but men and may erre, yea, goodman Sfe, 
himselfe in Paules church-yard, although he saith he hath no 
sinne ; what maruaile is it then, though some corruption cleaue 
vnto our aged Gentleman by his owne confession? Leame of 

35 me to iudge charitably, and thinke that nature tooke a scouring 
purgation, when she voided all her imperfections in the birth of 
one Martin : which if it be so, hee is | not to be blamed, since C 4 
as Arist sayes, vitia nature nd sunt reprehendenda. Gibe on, gibe 

5 interpretations, if Q, Peth. 4 it lie Q, Ptth. 1 1 speddl h : spedell Pitk. 

Aa 2 



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356 AN ALMOND 

on, and see if your father Mar-martin will beare 3^0 out in it or 
no : you thinke the good sweete-faced prelate, Masse Martin^ hath 
neuer broke sword in ruffians hal ; yes, that he hath, more then 
one or two, if the truth were known, and fought for his wench as 
brauely as the best of them all ; therefore take heede how you 5 
come in his way, least hee belabour you with his crabtree stile 
for your lustines, and teache you howe to looke into a Martins 
neaste againe while you liue. Alas, you are but young, and 
neuer knewe what his Bumfeging ment, for if you did, you woulde 
thinke fiue hundreth fistes about your eares were more then 10 
Phisicke in a frosty mommg. Write or fight, which you will, our 
champion is for you at all weapones, whether you choose the 
worde or the sworde, neither comes amisse to him, he neuer took 
his domesticall dissention in hand to leaue it soone. All England 
must bee vp together by the eares, before his penne rest in peace, 15 
nor shall his rebellious mutinies, which he shrouds vnder the 2^ 
of Martinisme, haue any intermedium^ till religions prosperity and 
our Christian libertye, mis-termed of him by the last yeare of 
Lambethisme, doe perishe from amongst vs and depart to oar 
enemies : then shall you see what seditious buildinges will anse ^ 
on the vnfortunate foundations of his folly, and what contentious 
increase will come from the schode of contempt 
If they will needes ouerthrowe mee 
let them goe in hand with the 

exploite Src. ^ 

HOIla, holla, brother Martin^ you are to hasty ; what. Winter 
is no time to make warres in, you were best stay til summer, 
& then both our brains wilbe in a better temperature, but I think 
C 4^ ere that time your | witte wilbe welny worn thredbare, and your 
banquerout inuention cleane out at the elbowes ; then are we well V^ 
holpen vp with a witnesse, if the aged champion of Warwicke doe 
not lay to his shoulders, and support discipline ready to lie in the 
dust with some or other demonstration. I can tell you Phil Stu, 
is a tall man also for that purpose. What, his Anatomy of Abuses, 
for all that, will seme very fitly for an Antipast before one of 35 
Egertons Sermons ; I would see the best of your Trauerses write 
such a treatise as he hath done against short heeld pantoffies. 
But one thing it is great pitty of him, that, being such a good 
fellow as hee is, hee shoulde speake against dice, so as he doth : 



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FOR A PARRAT 357 

neuerthelesse ther is some hope of him, for as I heard not lOg 
since, a brother of his, meting him by chance (as theeues meete 
at the gallowes), after many christian questions of the well fare of 
his persecuted brethren and sistem, askt him when they should 

5 haue a game at tables together : by the grace of God the next 
Sabaoth, quoth FhiL^ and then, if it shal so seeme good to his 
prouidence, haue at you for ames ase and the dise. I forgette 
to tel you what a stirre he keepes against dumbe ministers, and 
neuer writes nor talkes of them but hee calleth them minstrels, 

10 when his mastershippe in his minority plaide the Reader in 
Chesshire for fine marke a yeare and a canuas dublet, couenanted 
besides, that in consideration of that stipend he make cleane the 
patrones bootes euerye time hee came to towne. What need 
more words to proue him a protestiLt ? did not he behaue himselfe 

15 like a true Christian when hee went a wooing for his friend 
Clarke, I warrant you hee saide not God saue you, or God speed 
you, with good euen or good morrow^ as our prophane woers are 
wont, but stept close to her, with peace bee with you, very 
demurely, and then told her a long tale, that in so much as 

ao widowhoode was an vncleane lyfe, and subiect to many tempta- 
tions, shee might doe well to reconcile her selfe to the Church of 
God, in the holy ordinance of matrimony. Manye wordes past to 
this purpose, but I | wotte well the conclusion was this, that since d t 
she had hidierto conuerst with none but vnregenerate persons, 

35 and was vtterly carelesse of the communion of Saints, she would 
let him, that was a man of God, put a new spirite into her, by 
camall copulation, and so engraft her into the fellowshippe of the 
faithfiill; to which that shee might more willingly agree, hee 
offered her a spicke and spanne new Geneua Bible, that his 

30 attendant Italian had brought with him, to make vp the bargaine. 
But for all the Scripture he could alledge, it should not bee, PML 
Stu. was no meate for her tooth, God wote he could not get 
a penyworth of leachery on such a pawne as his Bible was, the 
man behinde the painted cloth mard all, and so, O griefe, a good 

35 Sabaoths day work was lost Stand to it, Mar-martin Junior, 
and thou art good inough for ten thousand of them ; tickle me my 
Phil, a litle more in the flanke, and make him winche like a resty 
iade, whereto a dreaming deuine of Cambridge, in a certain priuate 

a I oeconcile Q. as woote c,w. 38 oeztain Q. 



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358 AN ALMOND 

Sermon of his, compared the wicked. Saist thou me so, good 
heart, then haue at you, Maister Compositor, with the constructid 
of Sunt ocuhs clari qui cemis sydera tanquam. If you be 
remembred you were once put to your trumpes about it in 
Wolfes Printing-house, when as you would needes haue clart the 5 
infinitiue moode of a verbe passiue, which determined, you went 
forwards after this order. Sunt there are, oculos eies, qui the 
which, cemis thou doest see, clari to be deare, tanquam sydera as 
the Stars. Excellent well done of an old Maister of Arte, yet why 
may not hee by authority challenge to himselfe for this one peace 10 
of worke the d^ees hee neuer tooke ? Learning is a iewel, my 
maisters, make much of it, and Phil. Stu. a Gentleman euery 
haire of his head, whom although you doe not r^ard according 
as he deserues, yet, I warrant you, Martin makes more account of 
him then so, who hath substituted him long since (if the truth were 15 
well boulted out) amongst the number of those priuy Martinists^ 
D I'' which he threatens to place in | euery parish. I am more then 
halfe weary of tracing too and fro in this cursed common wealth, 
where sinfuU simplicitye, pufte vppe with the pride of singularity, 
seekes to peruerte the name and methode of magistracy. But as ao 
the most of their arguments are drawn from our graue Others 
infirmities, so al their outrageous endeuors haue their ofepring 
HMg, lib, from affected vainglory. Agreeing with the saying of Hug, : 
^^ Innobedientise morbus ex superbide tumore procedit, sicut sanies ex 
vlcere ; The disease of disobedience proceeds from the swelling 25 
of pride, as madnesse from some vntoUerable vlcer. The cause 
Creg.Ud.S, whereof Gregory thus expresseth : Dum plus exquirunt^ saith he, 
contemplando quam capiuntl vsque ad peruersa dogmata erumpunt^ 
& dum veritaiis discipuli esse negligunt^ humiliter magistri erroris 
fiunt; Whiles by study they search out more then they vnder-30 
stand, they breake forth into peruerse opinions, and whiles they 
neglect to be the schollers of truth, they most basely become the 
schoolemaisters of error. For such is the boldnesse of our boyish 
deuines that they will leape into the pulpet before they haue 
learned Stans puer ad mensam^ and talke very desperately of 35 
discipline before they can construe Qui mihi discipulus. Qui 

^ duodJ] daob. IWk. 

18 tracing] a: trotting 3. ai our] the 3. 93-4 Ifi^. /mnoiedtattim 
Q. 25 vkere. Tlie Q. 37 ezpccsBeth. D$m Q, lofamt. Whiles Q. 



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FOR A PARRAT 359 

tfenit instiiiiiy saith Ceissiodarus^ antequam insHiuaiury aim insti- 
tuere cupity &c, ; The nouice that comes to be informed desireth 
to enforme others before he bee enformed himselfe, and to teach 
before hee bee taught, to prescribe lawes before he hath redde 

5 Utletony & play the subtile Philosopher before he knowes the 
order of his sillables : he wil needes haue subiects before he can 
subiugate his affections, and couets the office of a commander 
before he hath learned to stoupe to the admonitions of his elders, 
and beginneth to instruct and perswade before he bee instructed 

10 and perswaded in any kind of art, which their folly, once fuelled 
with ^ frowardnesse of blind zeal, makes the cdfound cdtempt 
with gods true worship, & open their mouths against his ordinance, 
as did the Prophets against Ierob<h\ams hil altars. T, C in D a 
Cambridge first inuented this violent innouation, when as his 

15 mounting ambition went through euery kinde of Ambitus y to 
compasse the office of the Vice-chauncelour-ship. But after he 
saw himselfe disfauourd in his first insolence, and that the suffrages 
of the vniuersity would not discend to his dissentious indignityes, 
his seditious discontent deuised the meanes to discredite that 

ao gouemement which he through his il behauiour might not aspire 
to. The began his inueterat malice to vndermine the foundations 
of our societies and reduce our Colledges to the schooles of the 
Prophets, to discard all degrees of art as antichristian, to con- 
demne all decency in the ministery as diabolicall, and exclude 

as all ecclesiasticall superiority forth the Church as Apocripha. No 
sooner had these new ^singled positions entred the tables of young 
students, but Singularity, the eldest childe of heresy, consulted 
with male-conted meldcholy how to bring this misbegotte scisme 
to a monarchy. To which purpose hipocriticall zeale was addrest 

30 as a pursuiuant into all places of Suff., Norff., Essex, and Midle- 
sex, with expresse commandement from the sinod of Saints to 
proclaime T. C. supreme head of the Church. This past on thus, 
whiles the sworde of iustice slept in his scaberd, whose vnproui- 
dent eie, n^lecting the b^inning of such burnings, hath added 

35 a more confirmed fury to the flame, which hath now taken hold 
on f buildings of our bishopricks. How it hath raged in those 

2 tfc. TheQ. 10 fiielledl swelled 3. ii^]the^. sealed. \iiX\om,b. 
18 dUbend Q, 38 Qy, fVAT male-content or male-contented f 38-9 misbe- 
gottC . . . monarchy] Peth, : misbegott&cisme to a monarchy a : misbegotten 
scisme to monarchy b. 36 Bishopricks b, those] our b» 



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36o AN ALMOND 

quarters before mentioned, to f vtter impouerishing of the 
;dlegeance of the communalty^ and lamentable vndoing of the 
estimation of diuers other knights and gentlemen, the whole 
course of the high commission may testify. Nether was this 
plague of apostacy vndeserued of their inconstancy, who for-$ 
sook f true seruice of God, to worship the idoll of Warwicke. 
Put case his reading be gret and his malice more, that he hath 
plodded through ten cart loade of paper, and bin the death of 
Gr^. Hb, ten thousand pound of candels, yet, as Gregory saith, perit omm 
ftior, q^Q^ agiiur^ si non humiUtati cuitodiaiur ; Whatsoeuer is done lo 

D a"" doth vanish to infamy, if it be not vpholden by humi-|Uty : What 
childe doth not see into the pride of his heart, that first enter- 
tained the impudency of controlling antiquity, and preferd the 
poison of his owne peruerse opinions before the experience of so 
Btr, a. ser. many Churches, counsails, and fathers ? Qum maior superbia^ 15 
remr. g^ith Bemarde^ quam vt vnus homo ioti congregatumi iudidum suum 
preferat^ tanqud ipse solus hdbeat spiritH Dei t What greater pride 
then that one man should aduance his iudgement aboue the 
sentence of a whole congregation, as if he alone had the spirit of 
God? Pride ouerthrew the towr of Babell^ prostrated Gotias^ hOg ao 
yp Haman^ kild Nichanor^ consumed Herod^ destroied Antiockus^ 
drowned Pkarao^ subuerted Senachmb^ &, I hope, will also con* 
found arrogant T. C. and all bis accomplishes in the Lords good 
time. And now that I haue vnburdened my shoulders of the 
weight of his learning, lie ribroste my brother Martin a litle, for as 
obiecting to my Lord Archbishop the not answering of his bookes. 
Therefore first would I know of sweete M. sauce malapert whether 
he would haue the care of the common-wealth, and forseing con- 
sultation of domestical and forreine affaires, resigned to the retort- 
ing of 2! C. his vnreuerent railings. Neict, what such equall 30 
proportion bis mastership finds in their places, that the grauity 
and mildnes of the one should stoupe his attention so low as the 
iangling leuity of the other. Were there no other thing to refrayn 
his grace from combating with a common barretour then this, that 
in discordia nemo benedidt JDominum^ it were sufficient to pleade ^ 
his absence from this inferiour fight But when he considers that 

I y* Peth, \ ^ Q. 10 custodiatur, Whatsoeuer Q, xa that] ihat Q, 
If, sup4Hnd\ st^crioria Qf Pith, \6 ioti] Peth, , ton Q. ij ^crat Q. 
Dei. What Q. a8 couialution Q. 35 in ^ PetA^ 



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FOR A PARRAT 361 

saiyng of Augustine, Nullus est modus immicitUs^ nisi ob tempus 
obfeperemus iratis, ther is no meane of mallice, vnles for a time we 
giue place to the furious, & that which another sais, Sioit nihil est 
defarmius quam respondere furiosis^ ita nihil vOUus quam tacere 

h prouocatis; As there is nothing more vnseemely then to aunswere 
the froward, so there is nothing more profitable then scilence to 
such as are prouokt Let him vse the libertye of his speache as 
hee please, and detracte fiY>m | his leaminge in what tearmes hee D 3 
see cause, yet will all Christendome admire his perfection, when 

'^ T. C. his singularitie shall go a begging vp and downe the low 
Countries. I will not gainsaie but your reuerend Pastor may baue 
as knauish a vaine in writing as your selfe, and fasten a slander 
on the Saintes of heauen, as soone as anie of your sect, for nil tarn leromt su- 
/aa'le est^ as lerom sayth, quam cciosum &• dormientem de aliorum ^ Oseam. 

H labart &* tngiliis disputare ; There is nothing so easie for a man 
that is sluggish and idle, as to call in question other mens watch- 
ings and labours. Menspraua^ sayth Gregorie^ semper in laborUms Greg, 15. 
est, quia aut molitur mala qu9e inferat^ vel metuit ne sUn ab aliis 
ifrferantur^ &* quicquid contra proximos cogitate hoc contra se apro^ 

^ oHmis cogitari fornddat ; A wicked mind lines in continuall toile, 
because it eyther meditates the iniuries which he is about to 
inferre, or feares some reproch to be inferred by others, and what* 
soeuer hee pretendes agaynst his neighbor, the same he mistrusts 
to be pretended against himselfe. If T, C. hath made thee his 

H attumey, to vrge the not answering of his bookes, then I praie 
thee bee my Mercurie this once, and tell him thus much from 
Mar-Martine^ that he hath vndone more Printers with his py-bald 
pamphlets, then his dish-clout discipline will sette vp agayne this 
seauen yeeres. Much inkehome stuffe hath hee vttered in a 

30 iarring stile, and intruded a greate deale of trashe to our eares by 
a daintie figure of idem per idem^ but for anie new peece of arte he 
hath shewed in those idle editions, other then that his fieunous ad- 
uersary hath before time confuted, he may wel enough bequeth it 
to Dunce or Dorbel, whece his blundering capacity is lineally 

35 descended. What, maister T. C, you think that no man dare 
touch you, because you haue plaid the scuruie scolde anie time 

I Augustim. NuUus Q, 4/uriosis ita, nihil Q, 5 prouocatis. As Q. 
8 tearmcft hoe Q. 15 disputan. There Q, 16 is] Is Q, others Q, Peth. 
19 inferantur] infetknt Qj Feth, proximis] proximus Q,Pith, 20 formidat. 
A Q. 33 timej tsme Q. 



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362 AN ALMOND 

these twentie yeeres, but He so hamper your holynes for all the 
offences of your youth, as all geering puritans shall haue small 
cause to insult and reioyce at my silence. Then see whether I 

D 3^ dare stand to the defence of | your de£ame or no. Take heede, 
good-man Howlyglasse, that I make not such a hole in yourcoote 5 
the nexte Tearme, as Martine and his sonnes shall not sowe vp in 
hast ; I td you I am a shreud fellow at the vncasing of a fox, and 
haue cats eyes to looke into euerie comer of a Puritans house. I 
warrant you my brother Pag, will saie so, by that time I haue 
talkte with him a little, who although hee bee none of the straight- 10 
est men that euer God made, yet hath he as good skill in milche 
bullocks as anie huswife within fortie miles of his head. Let him 
alone, and if he doe not know by a cowes water how many pintes 
of milke she will giue in a yeere, then wyll he neuer help his wife 
to make cheese agayn whiles hee Hues : and without offence to his 15 
Pastorshippe bee it spoken, hee will saie pretyly well to a henne, 
if shee bee not too olde, alwayes prouided shee haue a neaste of 
cleane strawe in his studie, and hee groape her with his owne 
handes euening and morning. Then see if hee doe not make 
three pounds a yeere of her ouer andaboue allcostes and charges, ao 
I, marie, sir, is not this a husbande in deede, that, besides the 
multiplying of the Church of God in his householde ministerie, 
will keepe his wife and £amilie by crosse bargaines a whole twelue 
moneth? What woulde he doe, my maisters, if he had two good 
legges, that wil thus bestirre him in his vocation with one and a as 
stump? The world may saie he is lame, and so forth, but hee 
that had seene him runne from Houns. the other daie, for getting 
his maide with childe, woulde neuer thinke so. I meruaile with 
what face our Bishoppes could depriue such a man of God, that 
beeing knowen to bee a most heauenly whooremaister, a passing 30 
zealous worldling, and a most mortified schismatique, was fitter 
iwis to teache men then boyes. Bee ruled by Martine^ and 
send him home into Deuon-sheere, or else hee will wrappe all 
your Cleargie once agayne in Lazarus winding sheete. Which 
fauour if hee obtayne contrarie to desert, I woulde wishe him, as 35 

D 4 a friend, neare more to vrge | Fathers to sweare at the Funt that 
the children that are brought thether to be christned are of none 
but their owne begetting, lest olde Rc^dak plie him, as he did in 

36 Fathered. 



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FOR A PARRAT 363 

times past, about the shoulders with his plowe staffe. Haue with 
you, Giles Wig,^ to Sidborough, and let vs haue you make another 
Sermon of Sedgwickes pack-prickes : or such another Prayer as you 
did of three hours long, when as a friend of yours (that best knew 

5 your armes) cast in the Rammes homes at your windowe. If you 
be remembred, it was the same time when you cride, Come, wife, 
come, seruants, let vs ^1 on our knees, and praie to the Lorde 
God to deliuer vs from all euill temptation, for the deuill is euen 
new gone by, and looke where he hath throwne in his homes 

ID at the windowe. Giles, Giles, I haue to talke with'^you for your 
saucinesse with the right Honorable the Earle of Huntington, in 
whose presence you (though of all other vnworthie) then beeing, 
when conuersant with other Gentlemen, hee calde for a boule of 
Beere, which brought, and set downe by him, and he yet busie in 

15 talke, you tooke verie orderlie from before him, and trilled it off 
without anie more bones, bidding his man, if he would, goe fill 
him another. And what of all this, I praie you ? was that such a 
wonderous matter ? doth Giles care for anie of your Lordes, Earles, 
Barons, or Bishops ? No, no, no barrell better herring with him : 

ao we are all made of one and the selfe same molde, and Adam 
signifieth but red earth. I could tell you a tale worth the hearing, 
that would counteruaile Glib, of Haustead, were it not that it 
woulde make M. Wig. as cholerike as when he burst in the Church 
maugre excdmunication, & knockt the keies about f Sextens head 

35 for not opening vnto him. Come on it what wil, in spite of mid- 
sdmer moone, you shal haue it as it is, therefore attend, good 
people, to the vnfortunate sequele. G. W. of Wig. house, in the 
land of little Wittam, chosen to the place & function of a pastor, 
by those reuerend elders of the Church, Hicke, Hob, and lohn, 

30 Cutbert C, the Cobler, and New.^ the broomseller, | cum mulHs D 4" 
aliis qu{ nunc prescribere longum est, at length seased (after many 
yeeres stragling) on the superintendentship of Sidborough, wher 
hauing wom out three or four pulpits with the vnreasonable 
bounsing of his fistes, it was his chance on a time to haue one 

35 quarrell more to another of them : so that, no sooner mounted on 
her backe^ but he b^an to spurre her with his heeles, to boxe her 
about the eares with his elbowes, and so pittiously misuse her in 

I the] his b, 9 new] Qy. read now t 22 Hamstead b, $1 

que Q, Pith. Qy, rudperscribert f 3a stragling on Q, Pith. 



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364 AN ALMOND 

euerie part as would haue greeued anie heathen loyner to the 
heart to beholde. Nor coulde his Text containe him in this dioler, 
or pleade anie pardon or pittie for this poore pulpit, but he wold 
needes ride her to death from one Diocesse to another, from 
Yorke to London, from London to Canterbury, from Canterburie 5 
to Winchester, and all without a baite, insomuch that, tyred in his 
waie homeward to his Text, he had stucke in the myre for ante 
more matter hee had, had not lohn a Borhead come into the 
church as he did. Whom he espying in good time, crost the mid- 
waie of a sentence to let flie at him in this mann^ : As for the 10 
discipline which those wretches doe hinder, looke, looke, good 
people, where that vile whooremaster lohn a Borhead comes in 
piping hot from Clajrphams wife. Whose verie sight put him 
so cleane besides himselfe, that he could neyther goe forward 
nor backward, but stil repeated, lohn a Borhead, lohn a Borhead, 15 
that vild whooremaister lohn a Boiiiead: to whom with the 
Father, the Sonne, and the holy Ghost, be al honor and praise 
both now and for euer. Ah hah, maister Martine^ what get you 
nowe by your red cap? Whether was Clayphams wife or lohn a 
Borhead more in fault, for marring this good sermon ? If I. a 30 
Borhead, then is it not best for him to come in my brother Wig» 
waie, least he stabbe him, as hee did the Drumme once for playing 
after seniice. How euer it was, may it please you, Lordes of the 
spiritualtie, in consideration of these laudible premises, to sendehim 
home to his charge, that heemay once more preache in the yewe tree. 25 
£ I My brother Vd. of | Kingston thinkes He spare himfor his wiuessake, 
that is reported to be as good a wench as euer playde her prises at 
Pancredge, although she is not altogether such a gyantesse as my 
brother Wig, female, hMX.fortnafragUis^2jAPAt is not worth a button 
ifi the too stale. Wherefore prepareyou, goodneighbour F.,tovnder- so 
goe thecrosse of persecution. Martine hath vaunted you to be a 
venterous knight, and I doe meane to breake a launce with you, ere 
you and I part Wherfore what saie you nowe to the matter, is Christ 
descended of bastardisme or no, as you gaue out in the pulpyt? 
Would you not haue your tongue cut out for your blasphemie if 35 
you wer wel serued ? Are you a notable preacher of the word of 
God and a vehement reprouer of sin, that thus seeke to discredit 
the fleshly descent of our Sauiour ? I thought you such another, 

7 hss Q, 10 maimer. As Q, as ener Q. 29 Jrogulis Q, PalL 



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FOR A PARRAT 365 

when I first sawe you emblazoned in Martins bookes. Tis you 
that are so holy that you wil not forsooth be seene to handle anie 
monie, nor take golde though it shoulde filch it selfe into your 
purse, but if God moued the heartes of anie of your brethren or 
5 sistren in the Lord, to bring in pots, beds, or houshold stufTe into 
your house, you would go out of doores of purpose whiles it was 
brought in ; and then if anie man aske you how you come so well 
storde, your answere is that you know not how, but only by the 
prouidence of God. I must belabour you, when all is done, for 

10 your backbiting & slandering of your honest neighbours, and open 
inueighing against the established gouemment in your sermons. 
Hdpe him, Martin, or else his vpbraided absurdities will make 
thee repent that euer thou belyedst or disgracedst Ilone^ Cottington^ 
or Ckaifield in his cause. May it please you therefore that are in 

15 authoritie, considering how reuerently hee hath abused Christs 
birthnght, to restore him to preach, that the blockes, stockes, and 
stones of Kingstone do not crie out against you. I foUowe the 
riuers of folly, whiles the fountaines of infection do propagate their 
poison. Martin all this while thinkes himself in league with 

ao obscuritie, whiles Phe-|bus, the discouerer of Mars & Venus E i'' 
adultery, hath streamed his bright day light into the net where he 
daunceth. Blush, squint-eied caitife, since thy couert no more 
wil contain thee. C^dum ie coniegit, non habes vmam, Therfore 
let al posteritie that shall heare of his knauerie attend the discouery 

as which now I will make of his villanie. Fen,^ I, I^n., welch Fen., 
Fen. the Protestationer, Demonstrationer, Supplicationer, Appella- 
tioner, Fen. the father. Fen. the sonne. Fen. Martin Junior, 
Martin Martinus, Fen. the scholler of Oxford to his friend in 
Cambridge, Fen. iotum in Mo, & totum in qualibet parte, was 

sosomtimes (if I be not deceiued) a scholler of that house in 
Cambridge whereof D. Fer. was maister. Where, what his 
estimation was, the scorn wherin he liued can best relate. For 
the constitution of his bodie, it was so cleane contrarie to all 
phisiognomie of fame, that a man wold haue iudged by his face, 

35 God and nature deuising our disgrace had enclosde a close stoole 
in skinne, and set a serpentine soule, like a counterfet diamond, 
more deepe in dong. Neither was this monster of Cracouia 
vnmarkt from his bastardisme to mischiefe: but as he was be- 

16 stockes] om. Pith, 



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365 AN ALMOND 

gotten in adultery and concerned in the heate of lust, so was he 
brought into the world on a tempestuous daie, & borne in that 
houre when all planets wer opposite. Predestination, y foresaw 
how crooked he should proue in his waies, eniojmed incest to 
spawne him splay-footed. Eternitie, that knew how aukward he 5 
shoulde looke to all honesty, consulted with Conception to make 
him squint-eied, & the deuill, that discouered by the heauens 
disposition on his birth-day, how great a lim of his kingdom was 
comming into the world, prouided a rustie superficies wherin to 
wrap him as soone as euer he was separated from his motheis 10 
wombe : in euerie part whereof these words of blessing were most 
artificially engrauen, Crim ruder, niger ore, breuis pede^ lumine 
lustus. To leaue his natiuitie to the Church porch, where the 
parish found him, & come to his riper yeres, that now had leamd 
£ a PueriUs of the poore mans | boy, and nere as pretily entred in 15 
Aue Marie English as any parish clarke in those parts. I am to 
tel you how laudibly he behaued himselfe in Peterhouse, during 
the time of his subsistership. First, therfore, he b^an with his 
religion at his first comming thether ; Hoc scitote viri, that he was 
as arrant a papist as euer came out of Wales. I tell you I. a P. w 
in those dales would haue run a false gallop ouer his beades with 
anie man in England, and helpt the Priest for a shift to saie 
Masse at high midnight ; which, if need were, I doubt not but he 
would do at this houre. It was not for nothing, my masters, that 
he so be-baited his betters, for shewing the people the relique of 25 
our Ladies smock in his sermon, & open detecting of all their 
other blind superstition. Say what you will, he is a close lad, & 
can Carrie a ring in his mouth, though all the world see it not : 
what though hee now dissemble with the time, & disguise his 
Spanish heart in a Precisians habit May not he hereafter proue 30 
a necessarie mSber in conspiracies common wealth, & aduantage 
the holy league as much in this meanes of sedition, as all Philips 
power by inuasion ? Simple English men, that cannot see into 
poUicie before it supprise your peace, nor interrupt the ambition 
of trechery before it hath besieged your prosperitie, doe you S5 
beholde whiles innouations bud, & do not you feare lest your 
children and family be poisoned with the fruit ? The Scythians 

9-10 wherinto wrapt him Q, Peth, 13 Qy, readluscusf 15 by, cm. 
35 prosperitie. Doe Q, 37 firnit The Q, 



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FOR A PARRAT 367 

are barbarous, yet more fore-seeing then you, who so detested al 
forren innouations, tMing to the derogation of theyr ancient 
customes, that they kild Anacharsis for no other cause but for ^ 
he performed the rights of Sibil after the manner of the Grecians. 

5 What should I vpbraide your simpticitie with the Epidaurians 
prouident subtiltie, who fearing least their Countrie men shoulde 
attract innouations from other nations, & especially from their 
riotous neighbors^ the Illirians, interdicted theyr merchants from al 
trafick with them, or trauaile vnto them ; but least they should be 

10 vtterly destitute of their commodities, they chose a graue man 
amongst | them, knowen to be of good gouemment & reputation, £ a^ 
who dealt continually for the whole Countrie in the waie of 
exchange, and meruailously augmented their wealth by the 
reuerence of his wisedome. But you, fond men, as in garments 

15 so in gouemment continually affecting new fashions, thinke no 
man can be saued y hath not bin at Geneua. Your beleefe 
forsooth must be of that Scottish kinde, & your Bibles of the 
primitiue print, else your consciences, God wot, are not of the 
cannonical cut, nor your opinions of the Apostles stamp. A«., 

20 with Pan, hath contended with AppoUo, and you, lyke Midasses, 
haue ouerprised his musick. Good God, ^ a Welch harpe should 
inchant so many English harts to their confusid, especially hauing 
nere a string belonging to it but a treble. Had a syren sung, & 
I drownd in attending her descante, I would haue bequeathed my 

25 bane to her beautie, but when Cerberus shall barke & I tume 
back to listen, the let me perish without pittie in the delight of my 
liuing destruction. Deceit hath tooke vp his seat in a dunce, & 
you thinke him a saint, because he comes not in the shape of a 
deuil. We know M. I^en. inius & in cuUy first for a papist, then 

30 for a Brownist, next for an Anabaptist, & last for y blasphemous 
Martin^ whose spirite is the concrete compound of all these 
vnpardonable heresies. But had not the frantike practise of his 
youth throughly founded his confirmed age in this furie, I woulde 
haue imagined his vpstart spite a wOder aboue vsual speech, 

36 whereas now the coniectures drawen from his cradles detract frO 
his mallice all maruels. For whiles hee was yet a fresh man in 
Peterhouse, and had scarce tasted, as we say, of Setons modcUibus^ 
he began to affect factions in art, & shew himselfe openly a studi- 

34 dcKMUttte. I G. 30 y] t -W^. 



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368 AN ALMOND 

ous disgracer of antiquitie. Who then such an vnnatnral enanie 
to Aristotle^ or such a new-flgled friend vnto Ramus f This one 
thing I am sure of^ hee neuer went for other then an asse among^ 
his companions and equalles, yet such a mutinous block-head was 
he alwaies accounted that through town and CoUedge he was 5 
cdmonly called the seditious dunce. For one while he wold be 
£ 5 libelling | against AHsf. and all his followers he knew, another 
while hee would all to be-rime Doctour Peme, for his new statutes, 
& make a by-word of his bald pate, yea, had the Dean, President, 
or any other officer neuer so litle angerd him, they were sure ere w 
the weeke went about to haue hard of it, in some libell or other. 
This humor helde him at that time, when, by conuersing with 
French men neare Christes CoUedge, of a Papist hee became a 
Brownist : how afterwards from a Brownist hee fell to bee an 
Anabaptist, I referre it to those that knewe his after behauiour in 15 
Oxford. But for his last discent, a mah inpeius^ from an Ana- 
baptist to be that infamous Martin^ impute it to the age of his 
heresies, that are now in there Haruest. Neither would I haue 
you thinke there was no more heades in it then his owne, For I 
can assure you to the contrary, that moste of the Puritane ao 
preachers in Northampton shire, Warwick shire^ Sufolke and 
Northffolke, haue eyther brought stone, strawe, or morter to the 
building of this Martin. Only Fen. found nothing but fy, which 
the last part of his name affordeth sufficiently. You may see 
what it is for a nest of hornets to hiue together, oh, they wil 35 
make braue combes to choake bees withal, if they be let alone 
but one quarter, not so much as T, C. himselfe but will haue the 
helpe of his fellow Brethren, if he hath any thing to write against 
Bishops. Were not al the elected in Cambridge assembled about 
the shaping of the confutation of the Remish Testament ? O, so 90 
deuoutly they met euery Friday at Saint Laurence his Monastery, 
wher the counsails & fathers were distributed amongst seueral 
companies, & euery one of the refcMined society sent there com- 
bined quotations weeke by weeke in a Capcase to my brother 
Hkomas, yet wandring beyond sea ; such a Chaos of common 35 
places no apoChegmatical Lycosthenes euer conceited Bishc^ 

8 Doctoor Q. 13 Colledge of a Papist, hee Q. 22 Northssolke Q. 

24 tafficlently, yon Q, Peth. 39 Bishops, were Q, Peth. 30 TesUmeot, 
O 6, Ptth. 35 socch Q. 



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FOR A PARRAT 369 

were the smallest bugs that were aimed at in this extraordinary 
beneuolence, God shield the court haue escapt their coUectids, 
Some thing it would proue in the end | if it wer published, that is E 3^ 
pouldred with the brains of so many Puritan springols, and 

5 polluted with the pains of such an infinite number of Asses. 
Much good do it you, M. Martin^ how like you my stile, am not 
I old Ille ego qui quondam at y besleeuing of a sichophant ? Alas, 
poore idiot, thou thinkest no man can write but thy selfe, or 
frame his pen to delight except he straine curtesie with one of 

ro thy Northren figures ; but if authority do not moderate the fiery 
feruence of my enflamed zeale, ile assaile thee from terme to 
terme, with Archilochus^ in such a compleat armour of lambicks, 
as the very reflexcye of my fury shall make thee driue thy father 
before thee to the gallows, for begetting thee in such a bloody 

15 houre. O God, that we two might bee permitted but one quarter, 
to try it out by the teeth for the best benefice in England, then 
would I distill my wit into incke, and my soule into argumentes, 
but I would driue this Danus from his dunghill, and make him 
faune like a dog for fauour at the magistrates feete. But it is our 

JO English policy to aduantage our enemies by delaies, and resist 
a multitude with a fewe, which makes sedition seede before the 
haniesters of our souls suppose it in the blade: it is not the 
spirite of mildenesse ^ must moderat the hart of folly ; dogs must 
be beaten with staues, & stubom slaues cdtrolled with stripes. 

^5 Authority best knows how to diet these bedlamites, although 
Segnior Penry in his last waste paper hath subscribed our 
magistrats infants. Repent, repent, thou runnagate lozill, and 
play not the Seminary any longer in comers, least thy chiefest 
benefactors forsake thee, and recouer the pouerty of their fines 

30 by bringing the pursiuants to thy forme. I heare some vnder- 
hande whisperers and greeneheaded nouices exclaime against our 
Bishops for not granting thee disputation. Alas, alas, brother 
Martifiy it may not be : for thou art known to be such a stale 
hackster with thy welch hooke, that no honest man wil debase 

35 himselfe in buckling with such a braggar. But suppose we should 
send some Crepundio forth our schools to beat thee | about the B 4 
eares with ergo. Where should this siliogistica concertatio be 
solemnized? what, in our Vniuersity schooles at Oxford, or in 

7 ^1 7 6- 15 bonre, O Q, i8 Qy. readDauus t si sediton Q^ Pah. 
Ill Bb 



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370 AN ALMOND 

pubiereFkiloscplucozX, Cambridge? No, they were erected in time 
of Popery, and must be new built againe before they can giue 
any accesse to his arguments. Truly I am afraide y this General! 
coimsaile must be holden at Geneua, when al is done, for I know 
no place in England holy inough for their tume, except it bes 
some bame or out-house about Bury, or some odde blind cottage 
in the hart of Warwicke shire ; and thither, peraduenture, th^e 
good honest opponents would repaire without grudging : Prouided 
alwaies that they haue ther horse-hire and other charges allowed 
them out of the poor mans box, or els it is no bargain. All this lo 
&dge8 wel yet, if we had once determined who shold be fiauher of 
the act Why, what a question is that, when we haue so many 
persecuted elders abroad. The blinde, the halt, or the lame, or 
any semes the turn with them, so he hath not on a cloak with 
sleues, or a cap of the vniuersity cut Imagin that place to be 15 
furnished; where shall we finde moderators, that may deale 
indifferently twixt both parts ? MachiueU is dead many a yeare 
agoe, or eb he had bene a fit man for this may-game ; therefore 
whom shal we haue now, since it must be neither yours nor ours? 
Some vpstart countrey Gentleman, that hath vndone all his 10 
tenants by oppression, euen such a one as Scar, of Warwicke shire, 
that, being a noted MarHnisty befrinded his poor coppi-holder 
Criar, & tumd him out of all that ere he had very orderly. How 
thinke you, my lay brethren ? is not here a trim conuocation 
towards ? But mark the end of it, and then you may haps see as 
odde buffeting with the buttond bookes, and battring down of 
bishopricks. Giles of Sidborough wil off with his gown at least, & 
make demonstrations of Logique with his fists, like Zeno ; what 
though he be low and cannot reach so hie as an Ardibishop, may 
not he stad like a iackanapes on his wiues shoulders, & scold for 30 
the best game with all that come ? He is, sauing a reuerence, a 
£ 4^ spritish disputer, and a pestilence felow at an vnper-|fect sillogisme. 
Nay, mark me well, & take me at my words^ he shal speake &lse 
Latine, forge a text, abuse a Bishop, or make a lie of reuelation 
for more then I speak off with any man in Englad. Neither do 35 
I flatter him herin for he hears me not : if I did, it were no 
matter, considering that virtus laudata crtscit 

5 Enland Q, 8 gradging. Prouided Q, a a be frinded Q, 

a; with] om. Ftih. 3a dispuer Q, pestilent PtiJL 35 Eogild Q. 



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FOR A PARRAT 371 

From iest to ernest, I appeale to you, Gentlemen, how ridiculous 
in pollicy this disputation would proue if it were granted. First 
for there Bibles, the touchstone of all controuersies, they must bee 
of their fauorites translation^ or els they will deny there authority 

5 as friuolous. Admit they go to the originall (which but few of 
them vnderstand), they wil haue euery man his sundry interpreta- 
tion. Let our deuines alledge any text, they will expound it as 
they list, say the fathers or other auncient writers what they will. 
For such is the growth of ther arrogancy that they are not ashamed 

10 to compare themselus with Jerome or Austen^ and in their tedious 
sermons preach against them as prophane. If this the bee any 
betraying of the wretchednesse of our cause (as they call it) not 
to dispute with them that deny all principles, not to contend with 
the that wilbe tride by none but themselus, I refer it to all con- 

15 siderate iudgementes, that haue no more experiece in the actions 
of peace then a reasonable soule may afford. The more pacified 
sort of our Puritans would needs perswade the world that it is 
nought but a learned ministry which their chapion Martin en- 
deuors : were it no otherwise his pardon were easely sealed ; but 

ao those that know the treasO of his books can report of his mallice 
against Bishops. One thing I am perswaded, that he neither 
respects the propagation of the Gospel, nor the prosperity of the 
Church, but only the benefite that may fall to him and his 
boulsterers by the distribution of Bishoprickes. Beshrewe mee 

35 but those Church-liuings would come well to decayed courtiers. 
O, howe meerilye the Dice woulde runne, if our lustye laddes might 
goe to hazard for halfe a dozen of these Dioses. Not a page 
but woulde haue a flinge at some or | other impropriation or F 1 
personage : and, in conclusion, those linings which now maintaine 

30 so many schollers and students would in two or three yeares be 
all spent in a Taueme amongst a consort of queanes and fidlers, 
that might carouse on their wine-bench to the confusion of 
religion. Well, to proceede in this text of reformation : is not 
this thy meaning, Martin^ that thou wouldest haue two and fiftie 

35 thousand Pastors, for two and fiftie thousand Parish diurches in 
England and Wales ? If thou saiest the word, we will haue a place 
in both Vniuersities ; begin in Oxford first with the fresh-men, 
and so go vp to the heades of the Vniuersitie, and then count 

19 othenrife Q. 2$ hot Q. 2J I>io6e8[es] PM. 



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SJ% AN ALMOND 

how many thou canst make. Our Beadles that know die number 
best would needes perswade vs that of all sottes there is not full 
three thousand : in Cambridge they say there is not so many by 
a thousand : then call thy wits together, and imagin with thy selfe, 
out of these three thousand and two thousand of all gatherings, 5 
how many good preachers may be mustered : some foure hundred! 
as I gesse ; peraduenture thou maist rebate them to some fiftie or 
threescore, becatise there is no more open-mouthes of thy pro^ 
fession in both Vniuersities : How farre this fiftie is from fift^ 
thousand, a farthing worth of Arithmetike will teach you : whare 10 
wilt thou haue then a competent number to fill vp those defects 
of dum ministers ? inspiration I perceiue must helpe to patch vp 
your knauerie, and then welfare the cobler of Norwitch, that being 
one morning somthing earelie at Saint Androwes, and the Preacher 
not come before the Psalme was ended, stept vp into the pulpet 15 
verie deuoutly, and made me a good thriftie exhortadon in the 
praise of phdne dealing. If this bee not true, aske the Maior 
that committed him to prison for his labour. Such another 
Doctour would he proue, that standing in election for a liuing 
that was then in her Maiesties bestowing, came to be examined » 
by men of grauitie in the circumstance of his sufficiencie, who 
F x^ discending eft soones | into his vnschooled simplidtie, gaue him 
this litle English to be made in Ladn : There be three Creedes, 
the Nycen Creede, Athanadus Creede, and the Apostles Creede, 
all which ought to be belieued vpon paine of damnadon. The 15 
good simple superintendant, that saw himselfe so hardly beset, 
craued respite to compasse this vulgar, which graunted, after some 
deliberadon he began thus to go forward, 7Ha sunt Creda^ vmtm 
JViceni, alterum Athanasii^ tertium Apostolorum^ qu9s onrnes debent 
esse credituMy sub pcena condemnationis, I, marrie. Sir, here is 30 
a peece of scholershippe of the new cut, which for the goodnesse 
of the Latin might haue borne a part in the Pewteres paggeant 
I keepe a register of ten thousand such knacks. Why, there is 
not a Presician in England that hath abused arte, or mistoken 
a metaphor, but I haue his name in blacke and white ; what say 35 
jrou to that zealous sheepebjrter of your owne edidon in Cambridge, 
that saide the wicked had a scabbe, a braune, and a crust on their 
conscience, being so full of their wilie gihes, diat we that are the 

as Latin. There Q. 27 gnumted Q. 33 0r. f««f Pewteren / 



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FOR A PARRAT 373 

true children of God can not tell how to oonceme them ? or was 
not hee a sound carde, that, talking of the maiesde and authoritie 
of the scriptures, said they were the sweete meates of Saintes, the 
houshold stufie of heauen, and the home spunne cloth of the Lords 

5 own loombes, being deliuered from the stonebow of his mouth 
when he appeared in glory on mount Sinay ? But this is nothing 
to the good sport of that is behinde. What, I must tell you of 
a fellow that trolles in his rethorike like Martin in his riddles. 
This hors-holy father, preaching on a time in Saint Maries at 

10 Oxford, came o£f with this mannerly comparison : .There is an 
vglie and monstrous beast in our tongue called a hogge, and this 
vgly and monstrous beast in boistrous and tempesteous weather 
lifts vp his snoute into the ayre, and cryes wrough, wrough : euen 
so (deare people) the children of God in the troublesome time of 

IS temptations, cry, Our helpe is | in the name of the Lord. Sudi F a 
another woodcocke was he of Yarmouth, that said openly in the 
pulpet, whosoeuer weares a vayle is an whore without exception, 
and on an other time, two women comming to be churched, 
whereof the one wore a vaile, the other went without, he began 

ao his thankesgiuing in this forme : Let vs giue God thankes for 
the safe deliuery of one of our sisters ; for the other let vs not giue 
God thankes, for she is a straunger, and we haue nothing to doe 
with her ; I take her to be Dinah the harlot, that sat by the high 
way side, for she hath a vayle ouer her face. In the next place 

a$ to him shall he be put that, railing on the Papists in his Sermon, 
alledged this argument to confute their religion. Nay (saith he) 
you may gather what a wicked and spotted religion this papistrie 
is, for Campion himselfe, that was accounted their chiefest piller, 
was reported to haue had the poxe. I haue another in my tables, 

30 that, handling that place of losua where Rahab entertained his 
spies, would needes conclude all Inkeepers to be harlots, because 
Rahab the harlot was an Inkeq)er. I shall run my penne out 
of breath, if I articulate all the examples of their absurdeties that 
I could. Haue not Trinitie Hall men in Cambridge a preaching 

55 brother in Bury yet in sute, for saying all duillians were papists ? 
To let him passe for a patch, that, being maister of none of the 
meanest Colledges in Cambridge, and, by the oth of his admission, 
bound to take no money for preferments, made answere to one 

8 x«thotike Q. 19 withoat He Q, Pith. 34 iaoe, In Q. 



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374 AN ALMOND 

that offered him fortie markes to make his sonne fellow: God 
forbid I should take any money, for it is against my oth, but if 
you will giue me it in plate, He pleasure him in what I may. 
This is the dreamer, if you be aduised, that is indebted aboae 
two thousand houres to the Vniuersitie, which he hath borrowed 5 
by three and foure at a time vpon seuerall sundayes preaching as 
it came to his course : it is a shame for him that he doth not pay 
them, professing such puritie as he doth. Martin^ thou seest 
F a^ I I come not abruptly to thee like a rednosde ieaster, that in the 
pride of his pottle-pots curries ouer a reuelling riffe raffe of 10 
Tapsterly tauntes, and course hempen quippes, such as our 
brokerly wits doe filsh out of Bull the Hangmans budget, but 
I speake plaine English, and call thee a knaue in thine owne 
language. All the generation of you are Hipocrites and belli-gods, 
that deuoure as much good meat in one of your brotherly loue 15 
meetings, as would wel-nye victuall the Queenes ships a whole 
moneth. It is a shame for you to exclame so against Cardes, 
and play thus vnreasonably at Maw as you do. Gaffe Martin^ 
doe you remember whom you vpbraided by Primero ? well, let not 
me take you at Noddy anie more, least I present you to the parish ^o 
for a gamster ; this is the ninth set that you haue lost, and yet you 
will not leaue off. Beware Anthony Munday be not euen ¥rith 
you for calling him ludas, and lay open your false carding to the 
stage of all mens scome. t maruell PasquiU comes not away 
with his legends, considering that the date of his promise is more 35 
then expired. It seemes he stayes for some Saintes that are yet 
to suffer, and wants none but Martin to make vp his legend of 
Martyres : if it be so, I woulde thou wouldest come aloft quickly, 
that we might haue this good sport altogether, and not liue euer 
in expectation of that which is not O, I could furnish him to 30 
the proofe with such a packet of male and female professors^ as 
the world might not patteme. A good old dunstable doctor here 
in London should be the formost of them, that saide his wife was 
as good as our Ladie : and another time, quarrelling with one of 
his neighbours, that was a sadler, about setting vp of the Organs, 35 
in a good zeale he lift vp his fist, and stroke out two of his fore 
teeth, like a right man of peace: where haue you lined, my 
brethren, that you haue not heard of that learned Presbiter, that, 

5 Vnersitie Q* ai this the PM. 



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FOR A PARRAT 375 

talking how Adam fell by eating of the Apple, discourst thus : 
Adam eate the Apple and gaue it to his wife, whereby is to | be F 5 
noted that the man eate and the woman eate : the man eate, but 
how ? a snap and away : the woman eat, but how ? she laide her 

5 thumbe'on the stalke and her finger on the coare, and bitte it 
ouerthwart, in which byting it ouerthwart she broke all the com- 
maundements ; insomuch as vnder ten greene spots the ten 
commandements in euery Apple are comprised : and besides that 
corrupted her fine senses. From whence wee may gather this 
10 obseruation, that a woman alwaies eates an Apple ouerthwart. 
Why, this is sound diuinitie, and apt for to edify, Sed abeundum 
est mhiy and from the Cleargie must I leape to the Laytie. 
Wherefore God euen, good man Dauy of Canterbury, and better 
lucke betide thee and thy limbes then when thou dauncedst 

15 a whole Sunday at a wedding, and afterwardes repenting thy selfe 
of thy prophane agilitie, thou entredst into a more serious medi- 
tation against what table thou hadst sinned, or what part was the 
principall in this antike iniquitie. The eyes they were the 
formost in this enditement, but the legs^ (O, those leude legs,) 

ao they brought him thither, they kept him there, they leapt, they 
daunced, and I leualted to the Vials of vanitie : wherefore, what 
didst thou but like a true christian chastised them accordingly ? 
The scripture saith, if thine eye offend thee, plucke it out; 
Dauy saith, my hose and shoes haue offended mee, there- 

35 fore will I plucke them off. This text thus applyed, off went the 
wollen stockings with a trice, and they with the good neates 
leather shoes were cast both into the bottom of a well. The 
sinners thus punished, and all parties pleased, home went the 
pilgrim Dauy barefoote and barel^ge. And now since wind and 

30 tide semes, now I care not if I cut ouer to Ipswitch : there is a 
Cowdresser there that I am sure will entertaine me if she be not 
dead, great lane of Ipswitch they call her, one that hath beene a 
tender mother to many a Martinist in her time, and hath a very 
good insight in a canne of strong wine. A good vertuous | 

35 Matrone is she and a wise^ hauing no fault but this, that she will F 3'' 
be drunke once a day, and then she lyes her downe on her bedde, 
and cryes, O my God^ my God, thou knowest I am drunke, and 
why I should offend thee, my God, by spuing thus, as I do. I haue 

34 will c,w. 



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S76 AN ALMOND FOR A PARRAT 

not beene in Essex yet, but He set in my staffe there as Igohome, 
for I haue a petition for my brother that made the Sermon of 
Repentance to deliuer vp for me to the Councell : but it must not 
be such a one as he deliuered for him selfe to my Lord Treasurer, 
beginning with O sweet Margery, could thy eyes see so fiare, thy 5 
hands feele so (aire^ or thy eares heare so fiure&a, for then euerie 
sluing man will mocke vs, but it must be of another tune, with 
most pitifully complaining, that a man can not call an Asse, asse, 
but he shall be had coram nobis. In this vaine enough, because 
actions of the case are chargeable, & Guilde men vncharitaUe. 10 
If the dogge Martin barke againe. He hold him tugge for two or 
three courses, and then beware my blacke booke you were best, 
for I haue not halfe emboweld my register. Amend, amend, and 
glorie no more in your hipocrisie^ least your pride and yaine gkny 
betray our prosperitie to our enimies, and procure the Lords 15 
vengeance to dwell in the gates of our dtie. The simple are 
abused, the ignorant deluded, & Gods truth most pitifiilly 
peruerted, and thou art that most wretched seducer, that vnder 
wolues raiment deuourest widowes houses. Visions are ceast, and 
all extraordinarie reuelation ended, although a good fellow in ao 
Cambridge, hearing all thinges might be obtained by prayer, 
prayed two dayes and two nightes for visions : wherefore breach 
no more heresies vnder colour of inspiration : if thou doest, thou 
art like to heare of me by the next Carrier. And so bon nute to 
your Noddishippe. 95 

Yours to command as your owne 
for two or thru cudgeUings ai all tiwus. 

Cutbert Curriknaue 

theyonger. 

5 £ue] Qy, rtadi»sttt 9 nobis. In Q, 



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A WONDERFVLL STRANGE AND 

MIRACVLOVS ASTROLOGICALL 

PROGNOSTICATION 

Entry in the Stationers' Register: None. 

Editions: (i) Early : 

[1591.] ^ A Wonderftill, | Brange and miraculous^ Aftro- \ 
Ipgicall Prognoftication for | this yeer of our Lord God | 1591. | 
Difcouering fuch wonders to | happen thisyeere^ asneuer chaunced\ 
fince Noes flood. | Wherein if there be found one lye ^ | the Author 
will loofe his credit | for euer. | By Adam Fouleweather, Student | 
in Afle-tronomy. | [ornament] | Imprinted at London by Thomas \ 
Scarlet. 

No colophon. Quarto. Not paged. 

Collation : A-D*. (A i) Title, v. blank. A 2 * IT To the Readers 
health.' JRom. and Ital. R-T. To the Reader. A 3 <*# Of the 
Eclipses that shall happen thb 'present >^:^(f, . . .' B.L.^ Rom,^ and 
Ital. R-T. A Prognostication. D4 wanting, probably blank. 

Signatures in B. L. with Arabic numerals, except A 2, of which the 
letter is Roman. Fourth leaves not signed. 

Catch-words: A 2. (But-)cher8 B i. And C I. if D I. to 

Copy used: That in the Bodleian Library (Malone, 729). 

(a) Modern Editions: 

1883-4 (Gro.) The Complete Works of Thomas Nashe . . . 
edited by A. B. Grosart. Vol. ii, pp. 139-69. 
From the copy at the Bodleian Library. 

1892. Elizabethan & Jacobean Pamphlets. Edited by George 
Saintsbury. London : Percival and Co. pp. 184-208. 

In the series called 'The Pocket Library of English Literature.' 
This text is i^paiently a reprint of Grosart's. 



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AWondcffall 

Srat^ undmracfdous, Jflro^ 
Dilcouering fuch wonders to 

finceNoesBflisd. 

Wherein if tbm hefimdme Ije, 

the Author vnUloofehis aedtt 
finrcuect 

lyiK^anFoulewsaitbei^Sradcni: 
iaAScuaaomf, 




InipQQtdbrLQndoiiliyTiffiiMs 



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f To the Readers health. a a 

Sitting, Gentlemen, vpon Doner difies, to quaint my selfe with 
the art of Nauigation and knowe the course of the Tides, as 
the Danske Crowes gather on the Sandes against a storme, so 

5 there appeared on the downs such a flock of knaues that by 
Astrological coniectures I began to gather that this yeere would 
proue intemperate by an extreme heat in SOmer, insomuch that 
the stones in Cheap side should be so hot that diuers persons 
should feare to goe from Poules to the Counter in the Poultrye : 

lo wherupon I betook me to my Ephimerides, and, erecting a figure, 
haue found such strange accidents to &11 out this yeere. Mercury 
being Lord and predominate in the house of Fortune, that many 
fooles shall haue full cofers, and wise men walke vp and downe 
with empty pursses ; that if lupiter were not ioyned with him in a 

15 fiauourable aspect, the But-|chers of East-cheape should doo little A a'' 
or nothing all Lent but make pridces: seeing therefore the 
wonders that are like to fall out this present yeere, I haue for the 
benefit of my Countrymen taken in hand to make this Prognos- 
tication, discoursing breefdye of the Eclipses both of Sunne and 

ao Moone, with their dangerous effectes like to foUowe ; which if God 
preuent not, many poore men are like to fost on Sondaies for want 
of food, and such as haue no shooes to goe barefoot, if certaine 
deuout Coblers proue not the more curteous : but yet Astrologie 
is not so certaine but it may fayle ; and therfore diuers Hostesses 

35 shall chaulke more this yeere then their Guests 

wil wipe out : so that I condude, what- 
soeuer is saide by art. Sapiens 
dominah'fur astris. 

Your freend and Student in Asse-trologie. 
30 Adam Fauleweather, \ 

4 on] on Q. stonne : to Q, Gro, t^ art S^itm Q, Gro, a8 domi^ 
nalitur Q, 



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A3 ^5 Of the Eclipses 
that shall happen this present 

yeere^ to the great and fear* 

full terrifying of the 

beholders. 



r 



\F we may credit the authenticall censures of Albumazar and 
Ptolomey about the motions of celestiall bodies, whose influ- 
ence dooth exitat and procure continuall mutability in the lower 
region, we shal finde y the Moon this yeere shall be eclipsed, 

A ^ which shall happen in one of ^ 12. moneys & some of the | foure 10 
quarters of the yeere, whose pointes as they shall be totallye dark- 
ened, so the effectes shall be wondrous and strange. For Cancer 
being the sole house of the Moone dooth presage that this yeere 
fruits shall be greatly eaten with Catterpillers as Brokers, Farmers, 
and Flatterers, which, feeding on the sweate of other mens browes, 15 
shall greatlye hinder the beautye of the spring, and disparage the 
growth of all hottest hearbes, vnlesse some northerly winde of Gods 
vengice cleere the trees of such Catterpillers, with a hotte plague 
and the pestilence: but Cancer being a watrie signe and cheefe 
gouemour of flouds and streams, it foresheweth that Fishmongers, ao 
if they be not well lookt to, shall goe downe as £uTe as Graues 
end in Wherries and forestall the market, to the great preiudiceof 
the poore, that, all Lent, ground their fare on the benefit of Salte 
flshe and red herring : besides it signifieth that Brewers shal make 
hauocke of Theames water, and put more liquour then they were 15 
accustomed amongst their Maulte ; to the ouerthrowe of certaine 
erased Ale knights, whose morning draughtes of strong Beere is a 
great staye to their stomacks : a lamentable case if it be not lookt 
into and preuented by some speedye supplication to the woorship- 

A 4 full order of ale cun-|ners. But in this we haue great hope that, 30 
because the effects cannot surprise the cause, diuers Tapsters shall 
trust out more then they can get in ; and although they fill their Pots 



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A PROGNOSTICATION 383 

but halfe full, yet for want of true dealing die in the Brewers 
debt 

Thus much for the watry signe of Cancer, and because this 

Eclipse is little visible in our horison, I passe it ouer with this 

5 prouiso to all seaforing men, to cary more shirts then one with 

them a ship boord, lest to their great labor they spend many houres 

in murthering their vermin on the hatches. 



The Eclipse of the 
Sufme. 

10 'X'He Eclipse of the Sun according to Proclus opinion is like 

^ to produce many hot and pestilent infirmities, espedallie 

amongst Sumners and Pettifoggers, whose faces being combust 

with many fiery inflamatiues shal shew ^ dearth that by their 

deuout drinking is like to ensue of Barly, if violent death take not 

15 away such c6suming mault worms : diuers are like to be troubled 
with such hotte rewmes in their heads that their haire shall &11 
off: and such hot agues shall raigne this yeere, with strange feuers 
and calamaties, | that if the Sunne were not placed in a colde signe, A 4" 
Renish wine would rise to ten pence a quarte before the latter end of 

ao August : but diuers good Planets being retrograde foretelleth that 
Lemmans this yeere shalbe plenty, insomuch that many shall vse 
them to bedward, for the quallifying of their hot and inflamed 
stomackes. And Mars being placed neere vnto the Sunne sheweth 
that there shalbe a great death among people : olde women that 

95 can liue no longer shall dye for age : and yong men that haue 
Vsurers to their fieUher shal this yeer haue great cause to laugh, 
for the Deuill hath made a decree that, after they are once in hell, 
they shall neuer rise againe to trouble their executors : Beside 
that by all coniecturall argumentes the influence of Mars shall be 

30 so violent that diuers souldiers in partes beyond the seas shall fall 
out for want of their paye, and heere in our meridionall clyme 
great quarrelles shal be raised between man and man, especially 
in cases of Law : gentrye shall goe check mate with Justice, and 
coyne out countenance ofttimes equitie: the poore sitting on 

35 pennylesse benche shall sell their Coates to striue for a strawe, and 
Lawyers laugh such fooles to scome as cannot keep their crownes 
in their pursses. 



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384 A PROGNOSTICATION 

B I Further, there is like to be great falling out | amongst Church 
men and certaine fond sects of religion like to trouble the commons : 
selfe conceipters and ouer holy counterfeites that delight in 
singularitie shall rise vp and despise authoritie, presuming euen to 
abuse the higher powers, if Satume with a frowning influence did 5 
not threaten them with Tibomes consequence. But wheras the 
Sun is darkned but by digits, and that vpon f south points, it pre- 
sageth great miseries to Spain and those Southerlye Countries : 
Friers and Monks shal heat them so this yeer with confessing of 
Harlots, that their crownes shall wax balde of the one accord, to 10 
the great impouerishing of the Spanish Barbers : Surgeons in Spain 
shall wax rich, and their Hospitals poore ; such a pestilent mor- 
tallitie is like to £^1 amongst those hipocriticall massemongers. 
The Dukes, Marquesses, & Counties shall haue their dublets 
closed with such Spanish buttons that they shal neuer proue good 15 
quiresters, for the hotte and inflamed rewmes fallen down into 
dieir throats : It is further to be feared that, because the Eclipse 
hapneth in lulye, there will through the extrem heat grow such 
abundice of Fleas, that women shall not goe to bed before twelue 
a clocke at night, for the great murthers and stratagems they are *o 
like to commit vpon those little animalls. | 

B I'' And whereas this Eclipse Meth out at three of the clocke in 
the aftemoone, it foresheweth that manye shall goe soberer into 
Tauemes then they shall come out : and that he which drinkes 
hard and lyes cold shal neuer dye of the sweate, although Gemini 25 
combust and retrograde sheweth that some shall haue so sore 
a sweating that they may sell their haire by the pound to stufle 
Tennice balles : but if the Beadelles of Bridewell be carefuU this 
Summer, it may be hoped that Peticote lane may be lesse pestered 
with ill aires then it was woont ; and the houses there so cleere 30 
clensed that honest women may dwell there without any dread of 
the whip and the carte : and I finde that the altitude of that place 
and of Shordich are all one eleuated, and 2 degrees, and vnder 
the zenith or verticall point of Venus, which presageth that sun- 
dry sorts of men and women shall be thare resident : some shalbe 3$ 
so short hedd & so quesie stomackt that they shal ly in their beds 
while noon, by which means they shal grow so ful of grosse humors 
that they shalbe troubled with strange timpanies & swellings in 

3 Q/. read conniedtitien f 12 pestilenit Q. 34 Yeans Q, 



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A PROGNOSTICATION 385 

their bellies, vncurable for fortye weekes vntill they be helped by 
the aduice of some skilfull Midwife. 

Besides, other of the same sex and fsiction | shall learn to B a 
cosin young nouices, and fetch in young Gentlemen, to the great 

5 ouerthrow of youth, if some sharpe and speedye redresse be not 
fetcht from the woorshipfuU CoUedge of the Phisitions in the 
parrish of S. Brides. But heere by the waye, gentle Reader, note 
that this Eclipse sheweth that this yeer shall be some strange 
birthes of Children produced in some monstrous forme, to the 

10 greefe of the Parentes and fearefuU spectackle of the beholders : 
but because the Eclipse chaunseth Southerlye, it is little to be 
feared that the effectes shall fall in England : yet somewhat it is 
to bee doubted that diueis Children shall be borne, that when 
they come to age shall not knowe their owne Fathers : others 

15 shall haue their fingers of the nature of Lyme twigges, to get most 
parte of their lining with fine and a reache : some shall be bom 
with feet like vnto Hares, that they shal run so swift that they 
shall neuer tarry with maister, but trudge from poste to piller, till 
they take vp beggars bush for their lodging : Others shall haue 

ao Noses like Swine, that there shall not be a feast within a myle, 
but they shall smell it out : But especiallye it is to be doubted 
that diuers women this yeere shall bee borne with two tungs, to 
the terrible greefe of such as shall marry them, | vttering in their B 2'^ 
furye such rough cast eloquence that knaue and slaue shalbe but 

t$ holydaywoordstotheir husbands. Andwhereas this fearefuU Eclipse 
dooth continue but an houre and a halfe, it signifieth that this 
yeere womens loues to their husbands shall be very shorte, some 
so momentarye that it shall scarse continue from the Church 
doore to the wedding house ; and that Hennes, Capons, Geese, 

30 and other pullin shall little haunt poore mens tables, but fiye 
awaye with spittes in their bellies to fatte Churlles houses, that 
pamper themselues vp with delicates and dainties. Although 
very fewe other effectes are to be prognosticated, yet let me giue 
this caueat to my Countrymen, as a clause to this wonderfull 

35 Eclipse : Let such as haue clothes enow, keep themselues warme 
from taking of colde: and I would wishe rich men all this winter to 

I ihcir Q. la fall (Jirst 1 ^rokm) Qi ML Gro, 15 their] thde Q. 

the] he Q. 27 lone Gro. 3a diunties : although Q, Gro. 35 

Eclipse. Let Q, Giv. 

Ill CO 



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386 A PROGNOSTICATION 

sit by a good fire^ and hardlye to goe to bed widioat a Ca^ 
of Sack, and that so quallified with Suger that they proue not 
rewmatick : let them feede daintilye and take ease enough, and 
no doubt according to the iudgement of Albumazar, tiiey are like 
to liue as long as they can, and not to dye one hower before dieir 5 
time. 
Thus much for this strange Eclipse of the Sunne. | 



B3 no/ the second Eclipse of the 

Moone^ which is like to fall out when 

it chaunseth^ either before the ^i. of " 

Decetkber or els not at all, 
this present yeere^ 

n^He second Eclipse of the Moon shalbe but little seene in 
^ England, wherevpon the effectes shall be nothing preiuditiall is 
to our clyme : yet as the bodye of the Moone is neuar obscure in 
part or in whole, but some dangerous euents doo followe: so 
I meane to set downe breefely what is to be lookte for in these 
westeme partes of the worlde. 

First therefore it is to bee feared that the Danes shall this yeere ao 
bee greatlye giuen to drincke, insomuch that Englishe Beere shall 
there be woorth fine pence a stoape, that their Hoffes and tappe 
houses shall be more frequented then the Parishe Churches, and 
many shall haue more Spruce Beere in their bellies then wit in 
B 3X their heads : wherevpon | shall growe Apoplexies and colde n 
palsies in their legges, that they shall diuers times not bee able to 
stand on their feete. Vpon this shall growe great commoditye to 
the Potters and Glasse makers, for it is like there shall be a great 
ouerthrowe of them, if there bee not some act made for drinking 
in blacke lackes. But if the weather prooue seasonable, and 30 
the Haruest great, and the Barnes full of Come, Rye is like to be 
cheap in Denmarke, and bread to be of a reasonable size, for the 
releeuing of the poore. Mary, Fraunce is like to haue a great 
dearth of honest men, if the king preuaile not against these 

la yurt. Q. 33 xeleeitiiig Q, 



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A PROGNOSTICATION 387 

mutenous Rebelles of the League, and Papists in diuers places to 
be pkntye, if God or the King rout them not out with a sharpe 
ouertbrow : But this hope we haue against that rascall rabble of 
those shauelinges, that there was found in an olde booke this 

5 Prophecie spoken about lenisalem long since by a lew : The tree 
that God hath not planted shall be pulled vp by the roots. Some 
curious Astronomers of late dayes, that are more Propheticall then 
luditiall, affirme that Martin the kill-hog (for his deuout drincking 
by the Pope canonized a Saint) shall rise againe in the apparell 

10 of a Minister, and tickle some of the baser sorte with such lusty 
humors in their braines | that diuers selfe conceited fooles shal B 4 
become his disciples, and grounding their witlesse opinion on an 
heriticall foundation, shall seeke to ruinate authoritie and peruert 
all good orders established in the Qiurch, to the great preiudice 

15 of vnity and religion, tituling theselues by the names of Martinistes^ 
as the Donatists grew from Donatus : were it not that the Moone 
being in Taiurus, which gouemes the neck and throat, shewes that 
the Squinancie shall raigne amongst them, and diuers for want of 
breath dye of the strangling. Now for that Capricomus is a signe 

20 wherein Luna is often resident, it prognosticateth a great death 
amongst homde beasts. The Butchers shall commit wilfull mur- 
ther vpon Sheepe and Oxen, and diuers Keepers kill store of 
Buckes, and reserue no other fees to their selues but the homes, 
insomuche that, if the Person of Home-Church in Essex take not 

35 heede, there maye hap to prooue this yeere some Cuckoldesinhis 
Parrish. 

But there is like to bee concluded by an act set do¥me in 
Graues ende Barge, that hee that wypes his Nose and hath it not 
shall forfeite his whole face, and that all such as are lealous ouer 

30 their wiues without cause are worthie to bee punisht | with the B 4^ 
home plague for their labour. And wheras this Eclipse is farre 
from the signe Pisces, it shewes that there shall bee much stink- 
ing fish this yere at Billings gate, and that Quinborowe oyster 
boates shall ofte times carrie knaues as wel as honest men : but 

^5 let the Fish-wiues take heed, for if most of them proue not scoldes, 
yet because Pisces is a signe that gouemes the feete, they shall 
weare out more shooes in Lent then in anie two months beside 
through the whole yeere, and get their liuing by walking and 

6 roots : some Q, Gro. 8 Q brfore by in L 9 Q^ Gro. 16 Donates Q, 

cca 



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388 A PROGNOSTICATION 

crying, because they slaundered Ram alley with such a tragical 
infiimie. The rest I conceale as friuolous, and little necessaiie 
to be touched in this Prognostication. 

A declaration of the generall disposition ofsundrie conceited qualities 
incident vnto mens mindes &* natures throughout these fourt 5 
quarters qftheyere^ by the merrie influence of the Planets^ with 
some other tragical! euents and obseruaMons worthie the noting^ 
contayned vnder each seperated reuolution. 

And first of the inclination of the 

Winter quarter, \ lo 

C I Winter, the first Astronomicall quarter of the yeare, according 
to my vsuall account, whatsoeuer Ptolomie sayes, beginneth 
sooner with poore men than with rich^ graunted so by the malig- 
nant influence of Satume, whose constellation is that suche as haue 
no mony nor credit shall want coles & woode, and be &une to 15 
stande and starue for colde, while olde pennifathers sit and toast 
them selues by the fire. The winter beginning at that instant 
when the Sunne makes his entraunce into the first d^ree of 
Capricomus, that Hiemall solstitiall signe shewes that by natural! 
inclination this quarter is generally fleugmatike, and that ale shall so 
be of suche great authoritie that the Bakers basket shall giue the 
wall vnto the Brewers barrell, and a halfe pennye drie doe 
homage vnto a halfe pennye wet ; the weather and season being 
so colde that diuerse for feare of the frost shall sit all daye at 
Tables and Cardes, while their poore wiues and families fsjst at 35 
home for their follies. And in respect that I finde three of the 
seauen Planetes to be in waterie signes, as luppiter, Mars, and the 
Moone, it signifieth that diuerse persons both men and women 
for want of wine or strong drinke shall goe to bedde sober against 

C I'' their willes : that Sea-faring men shall haue ill lucke | if either 30 
their shippes hit agaynst rockes or sticke in the sandes : that there 
shall bee such great hoarie firostes that men and women shall 
creepe to bedde together; and some of them lie so long till they 
bee fetchte out with a Bason. Heere Saturne retrograde in 
Gemini shewes that there shall this Winter fall such great fogs 35 
and mists that diuerse riche men shall loose their purses by the 

16 toast] wast Gro. ao ale] all Q, Gro. 33 wet The Q, Gra, 

35 £uxules Q. 30 willes. That Q, Gro, 



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A PROGNOSTICATION 389 

high waie side, and poore men be so weather beaten by the 
crafte of vsurers that they shall begge their bread by the extremitie 
of such extortion : but Mercurie and Venus bedng congregated in 
Sagitarie prognosticateth that, for want of faire weather, such as 

5 haue but one shirt shall go woolward till that be a washing, and that 
water- men that want fares shall sit and blowe their fingers till theyr 
fellowes row betwixte the olde Swanne and Westminster. And by 
reason that Mars, that malignant Planet, hath nothing to doe in 
that Hiemall reuolution, souldiers this Winter for the most parte 

10 shall lie still in garrisons, and shall not be troubled with more monie 
than is necessarie. Beeing also greatly to bee feared that through 
the extreame colde diuerse poore men shall die at riche mennes 
doores : pittie shall bee exiled, good woorkes truste ouer the sea 
with I lacke a lent, and Hospitalitie banisht as a signe oi popish C 2 

15 religion : and were it not that some moist shoures shal moderate 
the hardnes of the frost, Charitie should for want of house roome 
lie and freeze to death in the streets : diuerse great stormes are 
this yere to be feared, especially in houses where the wiues weare 
the breeches, with such lowde windes that the women shall scolde 

90 their husbands quight out of doores, wherevpon is like to fall 
great hailestones as bigge as ioynd stooles, that some shall haue 
their heads broken: and all through the froward disposition of 
Venus. But Mars comes in and playes the man, who beeing 
placed in Gemini, that gouemes armes and shoulders, presageth 

95 that sundrie tall fellowes shall take heart at grasse, who, armed 
with good cudgels, shall so lambeake these stubbome huswiues that 
the wind shall tume into another quarter, and so the weather waxe 
more calme and quiet Such greate floudes are like to insue, 
through this Hiemall distemperature, that diuerse men shall be 

30 drowned on drie hilles, and fishe, if they could not swimme, were 
vtterly like to perish. Eeles are like to bee deere if there bee few 
or none taken, and plentie of pontes to bee had in all places, 
especiallie in those coastes and Countries where weomen | haue c a^ 
not their owne willes. Nowe, Gentle Reader, in respect of diuerse 

35 particular circumstances, drawne from the daily motions, progres- 
sions, stations, retrogradations, aspects, and other appointmentes 
of fixed and wandring stars, I am induced to set downe that such 
as haue no fire shall feele most cold, and that wierdrawers, if they 

14 iacke c.w, 17 gxeat Q, 33 had t,w. 



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390 A PROGNOSTICATION 

plye not their worice, shall feele no great heate, that they in Russia 
shall suffer more preiudice by the sharpenesse of Winter than the 
Spaniards : and yet one thing is to bee hoped for at the handes 
of Mercurie, that this winter mony shall haue a fall, for Philip 
and Mary shillings that heretofore went for la.d. shall now passe 5 
from man to man for 6.d. a peece. 

The distemperance of this quarter is like to breede many sicke- 
nesses and sundrie diseases as well in young as in old^ proceeding 
either of corrupt and vicious bloud or of superabundance of crude 
and raw (leugmatike humors : as Cephalagies or paines in the 10 
head^ which shall make men dizzy^ that some shal stagger & stum- 
ble vp & downe the streetes till they haue stolne a nappe to quiet 
their braines. Ach in the shoulders shal raine amongest diuerse 
women that haue shrewes to their husbands, and diuerse drunken 
men shall bee pestured with surfets. Maidens this winter shall 15 
C 3 haue strange stitches & gri-|pings of the collicke, which diseases pro- 
ceed by too much lying vpright : and men shall be troubled with 
such paine in the eies that they shall not know their owne wiues 
from other women, with coughs, rumes, and itchings, which I omit 

Of the Spring time. 20 

Winter being finished with the last grade of the watry signe Pisces, 
at the Suns ioyful progresse into the first degree of Aries, the 
second quarter of our vsuall yere, commonly called the spring, 
c6meth next, which b^;inneth when grasse b^ns to sproute, & 
trees to bud But to treate of this present season, forasmuch as 25 
I find the planets to be contradictorily disposed in signs & man- 
siOs of diuerse & repugnant qualities, I gather that this spring will 
be very il for schollers, for they shal studie much and gain litle, 
they shall haue more wit in their heads then money in their 
purses, dunces shal proue more welthie then diuers doctors, $0 
insomuch that sundrie vnlettered fooles should creep into the 
ministerie, if the prouident care of good Bishops did not preuent 
the. And by the opinion of Proclus, women are like to grow 
wilfiil, & so variable that they shall laugh & weepe, and all with a 
C i* winde : Butchers shal | sell their meate as deare as they can, and 35 
if they be not carefull, home beastes shall bee hurtfull vnto them, 
and some shall bee so wedded to swines fiesh that they shal neuer 

10 hmnoTs. As Q, Gro, a a Aries. The Q, Gro. 35 sd c.w. 



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A PROGNOSTICATION 391 

be without a sowe in their house as long as they Hue. This 
spring, or vemall reuolution, being naturally hot and moist, is like 
to be verie forwarde for sprouting fiddes and blooming trees, and 
because Satume is in his proper mansion, olde men are like to bee 

5 froward, and craftie knaues shall neede no Brokers, vsurie shalbe 
called good husbandrie, and men shalbe counted honest by their 
wealth, not by their vertues. And because Aquarius hath som- 
thing to do ^ this quarter, it is to be doubted that diuers springs 
of water will rise vp in vintners sellers, to the great weakning of 

10 their Gascon wine, & the vtter ruine of the ancient order of the 

redde noses. March Beere shalbe more esteemed than small Ale. 

Out of the old stock of heresie, this spring, it is to be feared, will 

bloome new scismaticall opinions and strange sects, as Brownists, 

Barowists, & such balductum deuises, to the great hinderance of 

15 the vnitie of the Church, & confusion of the true faith, if the 
learned doctor sir T. Tiburne be not taskte to confute such 
vpstart companions with his plain & dimstable philosophie. 
Cancer is | busie in this spring tide, and therefore it is like that C 4 
florishing bloomes of yong Gentlemens youth shalbe greatly 

ao anoide with caterpillers, who shall intangle them in such statutes 
& recognances that they shall crie out against brokers, as leremy 
did against false prophets. Besides^ thogh this last winter nipt vp 
diuers masteries men & cut purses, yet this spring is like to afford 
one euery tearme this ten yere in Westminster hall : Barbers if 

as they haue no worke are like to grow poore, and for that Mercury 
is cObust and many quarelles like to growe amongst men, lawiers 
shall proue rich & weare side gowns and large consciences, hauing 
the3nr mouths open to call for fees, and theyr purses shut when 
they shoulde bestowe almes. But take heed, Oyou generation of 

30 widced Ostlers, that steale haie in the night from gentlemens 
horses, and rub their teth with tallow, that they may eate little 
when they stand at liuery, this I prognosticate against you, that 
this spring which so euer of you dies shall leaue a knaues carcasse 
in the graue behind him, and that they which liue shall hop 

35 a harlot in his dothes all the yere after. But aboueall let me not 
hide this secret from my countrymen, that lupiter bdng in aspect 
with Luna discouereth that diuers men shal drinke more the they 
bleed^ | & Tailers shall steale nothing but what is brought vnto C 4"^ 

a reaolation] resolution Q, Gra, 4 to] io Q. 38 and c.w. 



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39a A PROGNOSTICATION 

tbem ; that poulters shall bee pestered with rotten egs, & Butchers 
dogs make libels against Lent, that affoordes no foode but herring 
cobs for their diet 

Diseases incident to this quarter, as by Astrologicall & philo- 
sophical! coniectures I can gather, are these following : Prentises 5 
that haue ben sore beaten shall be troubled with ach in their 
armes, and it shall be ill for such as haue sore eies to looke against 
the Sun. The plague shall raigne mortally amongst poore men, 
that diuerse of them shal not be able to change a man a groate. 
Olde women that haue taken greate colde may perhaps be trobled 10 
with the cough, and such as haue paine in their teedi shall bee 
grieuouslie troubled with the tooth ach. Beside, sicke folke shall 
haue worse stomackes then they which be whole, and men that 
cannot sleepe shall take verie little rest : with other accidental! 
infirmities, which I doe ouerpasse. 15 

A declaration of the disposition and in- 
clination of the Summer quarter. 

When the Sunne liath made liis course through the vernal signs, 
D I Aries, Taurus, & | Gemini, at his passage vnto the solsticiall estiuall 
signe Cancer, the third parte of an English yeere, called Summer, so 
taketh his beginning, this yere, as Ptolomie sayth, the twelfth of 
lune, but as my skill doth coniecture, it b^nneth when the 
wether waxeth so hot that b^;gers scome barnes and lie in the 
field for heate^ and the wormes of Saint Pancredge Church build 
their bowers vnder the shadow of Colman hedge. The predomi- 35 
nant qualities of tliis quarter is heate and drynesse, whereby I doe 
gather that, through the influence of Cancer, bottle Ale shall be 
in great authoritie, and wheat shall doe Icnightes seruice vnto 
make. Tapsters this quarter shall be in greater credite than 
Coblers, and many shall drinke more then they can yeame. And 30 
yet, because Mercuric is a signe that is nowe predominant, women 
shall be more troubled with fleas then men, and such as want 
meate shall goe supperlesse to bedde. Besides, this quarter greate 
hurlie burlies are like to bee feared, and greate stratagems like to 
bee performed, thorough the opposition of Mars and Satume : for 35 
Butchers are like to make greate hauocke amongest flies, and 

17 Sumnur] Gro, : Winter Q. ao Cancer. The Q, Gro, ai 

l>eg^ming this Q^ Gro. yere : as Gro. 



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A PROGNOSTICATION 393 

beggers on Sunne shine dayes to commit great murthers vpon their 
rebelh'ous vennine, and the knights of Coppersmiths hal | to doo D i^ 
great deedes of armes vpon Cuppes, Cannes, pots, glasses, and 
black iacks ; not ceasing the skirmish til they are able to stand on 
5 their legges. 

Further it is to bee doubted that, because Venus is in the house 
of Loue, that Millers, Weauers, and Tailors shall be counted as 
theeuishe as they are knauishe : and Maides this quarter shall make 
sillyebubbes for their Louers, till some of them Calue with the 

10 Cowe for companye. But lupiter in his exaltation presageth that 
diuers young Gentlemen shall creepe further into the Mercers 
Booke in a Moneth then they can get out in a yere ; and that 
sundry fellowes in their silkes shall be appointed to keep Duke 
Humfrye company in Poules, because they know not wher to get 

15 their dinner abroad : if there be great plenty of Cherries this 
Summer, they are like to come to a penny the poimd, and Costard- 
mongers this Summer shall be licenst by the Wardens of their 
hall, to weare and carry baskets of Apples on their heads to keepe 
them from the heat of the Sun. But Libra adust and retrograde 

ao foretelleth that there is like to be a league between diuers bakers 
& the pillorye, for making their bread so light, and the Sun shall 
be so hotte that it shall mdte awaye the consciences of diuers 
couetous men, and | that, by themeanes of Venus which is in the D a 
house of Scorpion, women shall bee so loue sicke that Sumners 

25 and ciuil lawiers shall haue greate fees thorough the aboundance 
of such sinfull clients, and diuerse spirites in white sheetes shall 
stand in Poules and other Churches, to make their confessions. 
But this by the waie leame of me, shomakers shall proue so proud 
that they shall refuse the name of souters, and the Tailer and the 

30 louse are like to fall at martiall variance, were it not the worship- 
full company of the Botchers haue set downe this order, that he 
that lies in bis bed while his clothes be mending neede not haue 
a man to keepe his wardroppe. But amongst all, the Smithes haue 
put vp a supplication to the Alecunners, that he which goes dronke 

35 to bed, and as soone as hee wakes dares not carouse a hartie 
draught the next morning, shall drinke two daies together small 
Ale for his penance. 

3 hal] hap Gro, The last letter is apparent^ an inverted 1: there is 
certainly not room for p. 3 gxeat g. 7 Qy, read Loue, Millers 1 



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394 A PROGNOSTICATION 

This variable season is like to bring variable accidents, for 
diuerse diseases which will much molest the people : namely the 
plurisies which shall grieue many, that they shall haue farre more 
knauerie than they haue honestie ; diuerse fluxes, and especiallie 
in poore mens purses, for they shall bee so laxatiue, that money 5 
D a^ shall runne out faster | then they can get it ; the small pock^ 
among children, and great amongst men ; infirmities in the tong, 
some shall doe nothing but lie ; with others which I let pas. 

A declaration of the inciination and dis- 
position of the AutumnaU or har- 10 
uest quarter, 

Haruest and the last quarter of this yeere beginneth, as I con- 
iecture, when come is ripe. But for the nature of this autumnall 
reuolution, because it beginneth in Libra I gather there shall be 
more holes open this quarter then in all the yeere beside, and 15 
strange euents shall chance, for knaues shall weare smockes, and 
women shall haue holes in their heartes, that as fast as loue creepes 
in at one, it shall runne out at another. Yet Leo, being a firie 
signe, foresheweth that diuerse men shall haue their teeth longer 
than their beards, and some shal be so Sun burnt with sitting in the ao 
Alehouse that their noses shall bee able to light a candle. Others 
shall for want of money paune their clokes, and march mannerly 
in theyr doublet and their hose. And some shall this yere haue 
bames and yet want com to put in them. Rie this yeere shall 
D 3 bee common in | England, and knaues shall be licenst to sel it by 15 
the pound, and he that wil not this quarter spend a pennie with his 
fnende, by the counsayle of Albumazar, shall bee thrust quite out 
of all good companie for his labour. 

It may be doubted that some straxmge sicknesse andvnknowen 
diseases will happen, as hollownesse of the heart, that a man shall 30 
not knowe a knaue from an honest man, and vncouth consumptions 
of the lyuer, that diuerse men of good wealth shall by their kinde 
hearts spend all and die banquerouts : some shal be troubled 
with diseases in the throate, which cannot bee helpte without BuU 
the hang man plaie the skilfull Chyrurgion. Amongest the rest, 35 
many that haue faire wiues shalbe troubled with greate swelling in 

6 it. The Q, Gro, 8 lie with others, which Q^ Gro, ia-3 ooniectnre, 
beginneth when Q. 36 swelling] Gro, : smeUing Q. 



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A PROGNOSTICATION 395 

the browes, a disease as incurable as the goute. Some shall bee 
troubled with the stone, and seeke to cunning women to cure them 
of that disease, an infirmitie easilie amended and the doctors of 
Bridewell did not punish such women Phisitions by a Statute. But 
5 the greatest disease that is to bee feared is the Cataphalusie, that 
is to saie, good fellowes this yeere for want of money shall oft 
times be contented to part companie. | 

And thus (gentle reader) thou hast my pro- D 3V 

gnostication, gathered by arte, and confir- 
10 med by experience, and therefore take it 

in good worth, for Quod gra- 
tis grate, and so 
farewell. 



FINIS. 



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VERSES FROM 
*ASTROPHEL AND STELLA' 

The following verses without signature are found at the end of 
the • Sonnets of diuers Noblemen and Gentlemen ' appended to 
the edition of Sidney's AstropM and Stella described at p. 327. 

They also occur in the following : 
(L) The reprint of Astrophtl and Stella by M. Lownes. 
(H) Harieian MS. 6910, f. 156, in the British Museum. 
(D) John Dowland's Second Booke of Songs or Ayres^ 1600, 
No. II. 

See also the Shakespeare Society's Papers^ vol. i, 1844, p. 78, 
where they are printed from one of Tanner's MSS. in the Bodleian 
Library, in which they follow some poems by Nicholas Breton. 
(I do not ^e the readings of this,) 

If flouds of teares could dense my follies past 
And smokes of sighs might sacrifice for sin, 
If groning cries might salue my fault at last. 
Or endles mone for error pardon win; 

Then would I crie, weepe, sigh, and euer mone « 

Mine error, fault, sins, follies past and gone. 

I see my hopes must wither in their bud, 
I see my fauours are no lasting flowers, 
I see Xh2X words will breath no better good 
Than losse of time, and lightning but at bowers : ^ 

Then when I see, then this I say therefore, 
That fauours, hopes, and words can blinde no more. 

4 enx>r] euer H. 6 errors D. 7 their] the H. 8 Iknoars] 

fouers L. no] not H. 9 bremth] breede D, 11 Then] Which H : 

Thus D. this] thus D. la fononrs Z. can] shall ff. 



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THE CHOISE OF VALENTINES 

Manuscripts : 

Three manuscripts of this poem are known to me : these, with 
the letters which will be used in referring to them, are as follows : 

(B) A manuscript in the Bodleian Library (RawL MS. Poet 216, 
foL 96-106 and fol. 94). 

This manuscript is somewhat carelessly written in a hand of the 
early part of the seventeenth century in an oblong leather-bound 
book (95 X 150 mm.) containing a translation of the Ars Amatoria of 
Ovid and some other verses of a similar character. The dedicatory 
sonnet on foL 96 is followed by a blank page, other leaves are written 
on both sides. The Epilogue, as Mr. Farmer pointed out, is to be 
found in an exceedingly incorrect form on foL 94, standing before the 
poem and separated from it by some verses having no relation to 
the subject The piece is not signed, but Nashe's name appears in the 
tide. Punctuation is almost entirely absent It may be noted that 
the second line of each couplet is indented, but does not as a rule begin 
with a capital letter ; that a form of C is frequently used for initial ^ even 
in words which would naturally be written with a minuscule, as Come 
in L 104 ; that u and n are practically indistinguishable ; and, finally, 
that the dot of the / is occasionally absent, so ibsXfatne appears as 
fame and vatmfy as vamily. The usual contractions are employed : 
the one which in earlier times represented final ^es seems here, as 
frequently, to do duty for simple -x as welL I have, however, always 
given it as tff, as in most cases it is impossible to say for which it 
stands. 

(D) A manuscript containing only a part of the poem, in the Dyce 
Collection at South Kensington (No. 44). 

The Dyce manuscript is written in a minute but dear hand on five 
pages of a small octavo or duodecimo book (140 x 90 mm.) containing a 
variety of poems and a few prose jests. It is the second piece in the 
volume. It has no tide, nor is the name of the author given. As head- 
ing there is a Latin couplet (see colladon-notes). 

The manuscript is complete as written, but shortens the poem by 



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398 THE CHOISE OF VALENTINES 

more than half, having only i6i lines as against the 342 of P K This 
shortening is brought about by a number of small omissions here and 
there, and by the absence of all that part of the poem (IL 203-310) 
which deals with what seems generally to have been looked upon as 
its chief subject '. Of other omissions the most important are those 
of U. 81-92, 155-78, 191-8, and of the Epilogue. 

The chief peculiarity of this manuscript is that it is written partly 
in cryptography. Except in the dedicatory sonnet, which has only 
a single expression thus disguised, almost every line contains one or 
more words in cipher, while a few passages are written almost entirely 
in it The cipher employed is of the most elementary character, consist* 
ing merely in the substitution of one letter for another, thus * : 

Letters written :abcdefgh iklmn o p 
Standing for: b m s 1 t c w n x y q i,j [z] g d 

qr s tvwxy s 
k f h o r p a,& e a,v 

It may reasonably be inferred that n was to represent s from the 
fiact that every other letter is otherwise provided for, but we have no 
direct evidence of this. On the single occasion of the appearance oi 
If in a cipher word, namely in L 106, it is dearly an error for «/, while 
when the scribe required to put s into cipher he seems to have for- 
gotten the equivalent, for asun in 1. 115, the only word in which this 
letter occurs, is written xxur», the a alone being changed. 

The character used for a and &* is hardly the usual x, being rather 
a mere cross ; as, however, x does not occur in an unciphered word we 
have no means of knowing how the scribe wrote this letter. Long s is 
not used in the cipher words, though freely employed elsewhere. 

Except for three or four full stops, there is no punctuation whatever. 
The poem is not divided into stanzas, nor are alternate lines indented. 
Every line begins with a capital. The cipher is, as we should expect, 
not dways accurately used, letters being sometimes wrongly represented 
and sometimes omitted altogether, while a certain number of words are 
partly in cipher and partly in ordinary spelling. 

In the collation-notes words which in the manuscript are in cipher 
are transliterated and printed in italics. In some cases of error in the 
manuscript I have given the original (onn within brackets as well as 
a transliteration. 

* Not counting the line of Latin at the end. 

* See the form given to the title of the poem in B, and the allnaoos of 
J. Daviet of Hereford in The Scourge of Folly {IVorks^ ed. Grotait, 1878, 
ii. 75) and Harvey (JVorks, ed. Grosart, iu. 63). 

* I may say that I cannot perceiTe any particnlar purpose or design in the 
arrangement of the equivalent letters. 



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THE CHOISE OF VALENTINES 399 

(P) A manuscript which in the collection to which it belongs* is 
numbered 538, vol. 43, fol. 295>'-298^ 

This manuscript cannot be dated with certainty, but it was apparently 
written not long before the end of the seventeenth century. It is in a 
small neat hand, and, written on both sides of the leaf, occupies seven 
pages. The poem is not divided into stanzas. The title ' The choosing 
of valentines ' is repeated at the head of each page. 

There are a few peculiarities in the writing, which, as they account 
for most of the differences between Mr. Farmer's text and mine, it 
seems well to mention. 

(i) The V and r, especially when initial, are almost exactly alike, 
and the n and u are, as usual, not always carefully differentiated '• 
Further, a and e are somewhat similar. 

(2) In writing u the scribe sometimes did not carry the upstroke 
directly to the next letter, but made an angle which merges insensibly 
in the curl with which he terminated the w^ and it is therefore some- 
times difficult to say which of these two letters he intended to write. 
There is the same difficulty when one of these stands at the end of a 
word. Mr. Farmer reads you and thou throughout, but, as the last 
letter of these words is exactly similar to that which concludes now 
and adiewy I have giv^i them 2syow and thow^ although, if I am not 
mistaken, these would be somewhat unusual spellings at the date. 

(3) Those capital letters which in this hand resemble minuscules, 
namely Z, O^ V, fV, K, Z, are hardly to be distinguished from them, 
as there is very little difference in size, while the scribe frequently wrote 
the initial letter of a word slightly larger, even when there seems no 
reason to think that he intended a capital. I have supposed that he 
meant to begin all lines with capitals, as, when other letters are in 
question, he certainly did. In oUier cases I have used a small letter, 
except when the original seemed clearly a majuscule. 

(4) The apostrophe, which is frequently used in the third person 
singular of the present as well as in the past tense of verbs and in the 
plural of nouns, is generally written high, and its position varies con- 
siderably. I have placed it before the s or /, except in a few cases where 
it was distinctly after. 

(5) The letter which I have given as/ seems to differ from /, but I 
am doubtful as to how fiar the difference was intentional. 

(6) Commas and semicolons are in many cases hardly to be distin- 

^ I have been requested not to name the collection. I may here take the 
opportimity of expressing my obligation to those by whose conitesy I was 
permitted to make use of the manuscript. 

* This accounts for Mr. Farmer reading the impossible vinos in 1. 317. To 
me the word seems to be certainly rinos. 



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400 THE CHOISE OF VALENTINES 

guished from full stops and colons. The punctuation is throughout, as 
will be seen, exceedingly careless. 

Editions : 

1899 (Far.) The Chqise of Valentines or the Merie Ballad of 

Nash his Dildo [By Thomas Nash] . . . Edited by John S. Farmer. 

London [Privately printed for subscribers only] mdcccxcix. Pp. 

adii+2S. 

From the MS. here called P, with collation of B. The spelling of 
the manuscript is preserved, but the punctuation is modernized and the 
poem is divided into four-Une stanzas. The readings given from B 
include a large number of valHations in spelling \ 

1905. (The present edition.) 

From manuscript F, with a few readings taken from B and 
collation of B and D. The punctuation of F has been retained, as well 
as the spelling. In order to save space in the coUadon-notes readings 
which extend to more than one line of verse are printed straight on, 
with a stroke / to mark the division of the lines. I have only occasion- 
ally recorded Mr. Farmer's readings, and have not thought it worth 
while to notice variations in spelling in the different manuscripts^ 
except in a few cases in which they seemed of especial interest Italicized 
words or letters in readings from D are in cipher in the original (see the 
description of this manuscript above). 

The relationship of the Texts : 

It is clear that no one of the three manuscripts which have been 
described can be considered as an accurate transcript of the original ; 
indeed, they present such differences of reading and so many obvious 
errors that any lengthy discussion of their relation to one another and 
to the original would be profitless. For anything we know to the 
contrary the author may have put into circulation one or more amended 
versions of his poem, and if this was so some of the variations would 
be accounted for, but I see nothing that dearly indicates this and must 
therefore leave it out of consideration. 

Of the three manuscripts the most corrupt is evidently B : see, for 
example, the hopeless muddle made of IL 133-6 and the numerous 
instances in whidi the rhythm of the verse is lost by obvious errors, as 
in 11. 3, 83, 94, loi, &c Such readings as bachelours ofmagmmimtty 
in L 13, bouncing vesiureSy L 48, and goblets ^ 1. 70, seem to show either 

^ lines 1-18, omitting L 4, had prerioosly been printed from the same 
manuscript by Grosart in his Memorial-Introdaction to Nashe as if they formed 
the whole poem {Works of Naik$y vol. i, p. U). 



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THE CHOISE OF VALENTINES 401 

great carelessness or great ignorance on the part of the scribe. In a 
few cases, however, B preserves what may be the true reading, where P 
and D either omit something or are unintelligible, as, for example, in 
lines 183-6, where of the four lines, all of which seem necessary to the 
sense, F omits the first two and D Uie second two S and again in L 287, 
where B seems certainly to come nearer to sense than F. 

The numerous cases in which B preserves the general meaning, or 
at least gives a reading which accords fairly well with the context) 
while utterly differing from F in wording, suggest the possibility that 
it may have been written down from memory. It is difficult to see how 
sach readings as And shepoore wench compeld for And now she was 
compeWd in L 33, thengiue me first for Ccfm^ laye memX. 36, or verry 
fpuM-ppe for icie Ismmes in 1. 171, could possibly be due to careless copy- 
ing '. On the other hand there are a few readings, such as allso for 
Aie^s in L 7, vestures for vestalls in L 48, and includes for enchwds in 
1. 165, which strongly suggest incorrect reading of a numuscript. Indeed, 
to explain all the peculiarities of B we must, I think, suppose the text 
to have suffered from both these causes of error ; having been perhaps 
written down by or at the dictation of some one who only knew it in a 
form already corrupted by careless copying *. 

It has been pointed out by Mr. Farmer that in B the dedicatory 
sonnet has been roughly altered to make it generally applicable. 

^ So far as it goes D is considerably better than B, but it also contains 

a number of obvious errors. It will be noticed that in certain readings it 
agrees with B as against F, and these or almost all of them may be, and, 
I think, probably are, correct Where on the other hand it agrees with P 

, . as against B it will generally be found that B is obviously wrong. Thus, 
imperfect as it is, D perhaps diverges less from the original than either 
of the others. At the same time the fact that a considerable part of 

[ the poem is altogether wanting and that there are numerous omissions 

( in what renudns, renders it unsatisfactory as the foundation of a text \ 



^ * The omisdoD in either case is probably explained by the fact that the two 

i couplets begin with the same words. 

1$ * It is eiident that soch variations in reading coold equally well be explahied 

bv there having been more than one originu, a poflsioility to which I have 
already referred ; bat B seems to have too many readings which are certainly 

1^ erroneous for any snch argument to be founded upon it. 

<d 'It might perhaps be argued that on the whole there is greater probaUlit^ 

3j that the bad copymg suomded the writing down from memory than that it 
preceded it ; but the point is of no great importance. 

3'/ « I may say that I see no reason for supposing D to represent an original 

\^ shorter version of the poem. It is indeed p^fectnr true that the subject dealt 
with in IL 335-95 has little, if an^. connexion with that of the remainder : it 

i£i seems espedidly out of accord with the opening of the piece. Nevertheless, 

•^ even if this psasage originally belonged to something else or was a separate 
poem, as is, 1 think, not impossible, it is now incorporated in the whole in such 
a way that it cannot be removed, and to break off the poem at 1. aoa, adding 

III Dd 



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4oa THE CHOISE OF VALENTINES 

We are thus reduced to following P, which presents the piece for die 
most part in an intelligible form, if not in one which seems very 
accurate. A person with a taste for such curiosities of literature, copy- 
ing it out for his own delectation from a somewhat corrupt manuscript, 
would be quite likely to touch it up here and there as he went along, 
in order to get rid of the more obvious errors and to render the lines 
reasonably metrical, when by the dropping out of words or by corrup- 
tion the]fbhad ceased to be so. In a poem of this sort such amend- 
ment would evidently be far more easy to make and £aa more difficult 
to detect than in one of higher literary merit 

It would I think be possible by using D and B more freely to con- 
struct an eclectic text which would perhaps come nearer to the original 
than that which I print, but it would be difficult to prove that it actually 
did so. I have therefore thought it preferable simply to reprint the 
longest version as it stands, punctuation and all, with but two or three 
changes where it seemed quite unintelligible. 

merely four lines firom near the end, as is done in D, ntteriy foils to bring the 
piece to a satisfactory close. The probability is that the transcriber, whose use 
of cipher shows him to have been rally conscious of the objectionable cfaaimcter 
of what he was copying, simply omitted the remainder as too offensive. 



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