Skip to main content

Full text of "The young immigrunts. With a pref. by the father. Portraits by Gaar Williams"

See other formats


THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 



The 
Young Immigrunts 

RING W. LARDNER, JR. 



WITH A PREFACE BY 
THE FATHER 



Portraits by Gaar Williams 



INDIANAPOLIS 

THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS 



COPYRIGHT 1920 
THE CURTIS PUBLISHING COMPANY 

COPYRIGHT 1920 
THE BOBBS- MERRILL COMPANY 






Printed in the United States of America 






DEC 13 1968 



PBI88 Of 

HAUNWORTH * CO. 

BOOK MANUFACTURtR* 

BROOKLYN, N. V. 



CONTENTS 

CHAPTER PAGI 

PREFACE BY THE FATHER ix 

1 MY PARENTS 13 

2 STARTING GAILY 19 

3 ERIE LAKE 29 

4 BUFFALO TO ROCHESTER 76.4 ... 39 

5 MY FATHER'S IDEAR 44 

6 SYRACUSE TO HUDSON 183.2 ... 50 

7 HUDSON 63 

8 HUDSON TO YONKERS 106.5 ... 71 

9 THE BUREAU OF MANHATTAN . . 76 

10 N. Y. TO GRENITCH 500.0 ... 78 

11 How IT ENDED. 82 



LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

The Author Frontispiece 

The Rest of the Family 15 

Granmother at Goshen 21 

Uncle Bill 25 

Uncle and Ant in Detroit 31 

The Bride and Glum 35 

The Man with the Adams Apple ... 41 

The Dirty Mechanic 47 

Dr. and Mrs. Hey wood 53 

The Policeman at Albany 59 

A Man of 12 Years 65 

TheLanlady 69 

The Policeman at New Rochelle ... 79 

Our nurse 83 



PREFACE 

'TPHE person whose name is signed 
-^ to this novel was born on the 
nineteenth day of August, 1915, and 
was therefore four years and three 
months old when the manuscript was 
found, late in November, 1919. The 
narrative is substantially true, with 
the following exceptions: 

1. "My Father," the leading char- 
acter in the work, is depicted as a 
man of short temper, whereas the 
person from whom the character 
was drawn is in reality as pleasant 
a fellow as one would care to meet 
and seldom has a cross word for 
any one, let alone women and chil- 
dren. 

2. The witty speeches accredited 

ix 



X PREFACE 

to "My Father" have, possibly owing 
to the limitations of a child's mem- 
ory, been so garbled and twisted 
that they do not look half so good 
in print as they sounded in the open 
air. 

3. More stops for gas were made 
than are mentioned in the story. 

As the original manuscript was 
written on a typewriter with a rather 
frayed ribbon, and as certain words 
were marked out and others hand- 
written in, I have taken the liberty 
of copying the entire work with a 
fresh ribbon and the inclusion of the 
changes which the author indicated 
in pencil in the first draft. Other- 
wise the story is presented to the 
reader exactly as it was first set 
down. THE FATHER. 




THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 



The Young Immigrants 

CHAPTER 1 

My Parents 

MY parents are both married 
and J of them are very good 
looking. The balance is tall and 
skiny and has a swarty complex- 
ion with moles but you hardily ever 
notice them on account of your gaze 
being rapped up in his feet which 
would be funny if brewity wasnt the 
soul of wit. Everybody says I have 
his eyes and I am glad it didnt half 
to be something else tho Rollie Zei- 
der the ball player calls him owl eyes 
for a nick name but if I was Rollie 

13 



14 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

Zeider and his nose I wouldnt pick 
on somebodys else features. 

He wears pretty shirts which he 
bought off of another old ball player 
Artie Hofman to attrack tension off 
of his feet and must of payed a big 
price for them I heard my ant tell 
my uncle when they thorght I was 
a sleep down to the lake tho I guess 
he pays even more for his shoes if 
they sell them by the frunt foot. 

I was born in a hospittle in Chi- 
cago 4 years ago and liked it very 
much and had no idear we were go- 
ing to move till 1 day last summer I 
heard my mother arsk our nurse did 
she think she could get along 0. K 
with myself and 3 brothers John 
Jimmie and David for 10 days wilst 
she and my old man went east to 
look for a costly home. 







(o- 



MY PARENTS 17 

Well yes said our nurse barshfully. 

I may as well exclaim to the reader 
that John is 7 and Jimmie is 5 and I 
am 4 and David is almost nothing 
as yet you might say and tho I was 
named for my father they call me 
Bill thank God. 

The conversation amungst my 
mother and our nurse took place 
right after my father came back 
from Toledo where Jack Dempsey 
knocked Jessie Willard for a gool 
tho my father liked the big fellow 
and bet on him. 

David was in his bath at the time 
and my mother and our nurse and 
myself and 2 elder brothers was 
standing around admireing him tho 
I notice that when the rest of the 
family takes their bath they dont 
make open house of the occassion. 



18 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

Well my parents went east and 
dureing their absents myself and 
brothers razed hell with David on 
the night shift but when they come 
back my mother said to the nurse 
were they good boys. 

Fine replid our nurse lamely and 
where are you going to live. 

Connecticut said my mother. 

Our nurse forced a tired smile. 

Here we will leave my parents to 
unpack and end this chapter. 




CHAPTER 2 

Starting Gaily 

TT 7E spent the rest of the summer 

* * on my granmother in Indiana 
and my father finley went to the 
worst series to write it up as he has 
followed sports of all sorts for years 
and is a expert so he bet on the wite 
BOX and when he come home he acted 
rarther cross. 

Well said my mother simperingly 
I suppose we can start east now. 

We will start east when we get 
good and ready said my father with 
a lordly sneeze. 

The next thing was how was we 
going to make the trip as my father 
had boughten a new car that the 

19 



20 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

cheepest way to get it there was 
drive it besides carrying a grate 
deal of our costly bagage but if all 
of us went in it they would be no 
room left for our costly bagage and 
besides 2 of my brothers always acts 
like devils incarnite when they get 
in a car so my mother said to our 
nurse. 

If you think you can manage the 
2 older boys and David on the train 
myself and husband will take Bill in 
the car said my mother to our nurse. 

Fine replid our nurse with a gast- 
ly look witch my mother did not see. 

Myself and parents left Goshen 
Indiana on a fine Monday morning 
leaveing our nurse and brothers to 
come latter in the weak on the rail- 
way. Our plans was to reach Detroit 
that night and stop with my uncle 




STARTING GAILY 23 

and ant and the next evening take 
the boat to Buffalo and thence to 
Connecticut by motor so the first 
town we past through was Middle- 
bury. 

Elmer Flick the old ball player use 
to live here said my father modestly. 

My mother forced a smile and soon 
we were acrost the Michigan line 
and my mother made the remark 
that she was thirsty. 

We will stop at Coldwater for 
lunch said my father with a strate 
face as he pulls most of his lines 
without changeing expressions. 

Sure enough we puled up to 1 side 
of the road just after leaveing Cold- 
water and had our costly viands of 
frid chicken and doughnuts and milk 
fernished by my grate ant and of 
witch I partook freely. 



24 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

We will stop at Ypsilanti for sup- 
per said my father in calm tones that 
is where they have the state normal 
school. 

I was glad to hear this and hoped 
we would get there before dark as 
I had always wanted to come in con- 
tack with normal peaple and see 
what they are like and just at dusk 
we entered a large size town and 
drove past a large size football field. 

Heavens said my mother this must 
be a abnormal school to have such a 
large football field. 

My father wore a qeer look. 

This is not Ypsilanti this is Ann 
Arbor he crid. 

But I thorght you said we would 
go south of Ann Arbor and direct to 
Ypsilanti said my mother with a 
smirk. 



STARTING GAILY 27 

I did say that but I thorght I would 
surprise you by comeing into Ann 
Arbor replid my father with a corse 
jesture. 

Personly I think the suprise was 
unanimous. 

Well now we are here said my 
mother we might as well look up Bill. 

Bill is my uncle Bill so we stoped 
at the Alfa Belt house and got him 
and took him down to the hotel for 
supper and my old man called up Mr. 
Yost the football coach of the Michi- 
gan football team and he come down 
and visited with us. 

What kind of a team have you got 
coach said my father lamely. 

I have got a determined team re- 
plid Mr. Yost they are determined to 
not play football. 

At this junction my unlucky moth- 



28 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

er changed the subjeck to the league 
of nations and it was 10 o'clock be- 
fore Mr. Yost come to a semi colon 
so we could resume our jurney and 
by the time we past through Ypsi- 
lanti the peaple was not only sub- 
normal but unconsius. It was nerly 
midnight when we puled up in frunt 
of my ants and uncles house in De- 
troit that had been seting up since 7 
expecting us. 

Were sorry to be so late said my 
mother bruskly. 

Were awfully glad you could come 
at all replid my ant with a ill con- 
sealed yawn. 

We will now leave my relitives to 
get some sleep and end this chapter. 



Erie Lake 

n^HE boat leaves Detroit every 
afternoon at 5 oclock and reachs 
Buffalo the next morning at 9 tho I 
would better exclaim to my readers 
that when it is 9 oclock in Buffalo 
it is only 8 oclock in Goshen for in- 
stants as Buffalo peaple are qeer. 

Well said my father the next 
morning at brekfus I wander what 
time we half to get the car on the 
board of the boat. 

I will find out down town and call 
up and let you know replid my uncle 
who is a engineer and digs soors or 
something. 

Sure enough he called up dureing 

29 



30 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

the fornoon and said the car must 
be on the board of the boat at 3 
oclock so my father left the house 
at 2 oclock and drove down to the 
worf tho he had never drove a car 
In Detroit before but has nerves of 
steal. Latter my uncle come out to 
his home and took myself and 
mother and ant down to the worf 
where my old man was waiting for 
us haveing put the car on the board. 

What have you been doing ever 
since 3 oclock arsked my mother as 
it was now nerly 5. 

Haveing a high ball my father 
replid. 

I thorght Detroit was dry said 
my mother shyly. 

Did you said my father with a rye 
smile and as it was now nerly time 
for the boat to leave we said good 



ERIE LAKE 33 

by to my uncle and ant and went on 
the boat. A messenger took our 
costly bagage and put it away wilst 
myself and parents went out on the 
porch and set looking at the peaple 
on the worf. Suddenly they was a 
grate hub bub on the worf and a 
young man and lady started up the 
gangs plank wilst a big crowd 
throwed rice and old shoes at them 
and made a up roar. 

Bride and glum going to Niagara 
Falls said my father who is well 
travelled and seams to know every- 
thing. 

Instantly the boat give a blarst on 
the wistle and I started with su- 
prise. 

Did that scare you Bill said my 
father and seamed to enjoy it and I 
supose he would of laughed out right 



34 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

had I fell overboard and been 
drowned in the narsty river water. 

Soon we were steeming up the 
river on the city of Detroit 3. 

That is Canada over there is it not 
said my mother. 

What did you think it was the 
Austrian Tyrol replid my father 
explodeing a cough. Dureing our 
progress up the river I noticed sev- 
ral funny things flotting in the water 
with lanterns hanging on them and 
was wandering what they could be 
when my mother said they seam to 
have plenty of boys. 

They have got nothing on us replid 
my father quick as a flarsh. 

A little latter who should come out 
on the porch and set themselfs ner 
us but the bride and glum. 

Oh I said to myself I hope they 



ERIE LAKE 37 

will talk so as I can hear them as I 
have always wandered what newly- 
weds talk about on their way to 
Niagara Falls and soon my wishs 
was realized. 

Some night said the young glum 
are you warm enough. 

I am perfectly comfertible replid 
the fare bride tho her looks belid her 
words what time do we arive in 
Buffalo. 

9 oclock said the lordly glum are 
you warm enough. 

I am perfectly comfertible replid 
the fare bride what time do we arive 
in Buffalo. 

9 oclock said the lordly glum I am 
afrade it is too cold for you out here. 

Well maybe it is replid the fare 
bride and without farther adieu they 
went in the spacius parlers. 



38 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

I wander will he be arsking her 8 
years from now is she warm enough 
said my mother with a faint grimace. 

The weather may change before 
then replid my father. 

Are you warm enough said my 
father after a slite pause. 

No was my mothers catchy reply. 

Well said my father we arive in 
Buffalo at 9 oclock and with that we 
all went inside as it was now pitch 
dark and had our supper and retired 
and when we rose the next morning 
and drest and had brekfus we puled 
up to the worf in Buffalo and it was 
9 oclock so I will leave the city of 
Detroit 3 tide to the worf and end 
this chapter. 



CHAPTER 4 

Buffalo to Rochester 76.4 

A) we was leaveing the boat who 
should I see right along side of 
us but the fare bride and the lordly 
glum. 

We are right on the dot said the 
glum looking at his costly watch it 
is just 9 oclock and so they past out 
of my life. 

We had to wait qite a wile wilst 
the old man dug up his bill of load- 
ing and got the costly moter. 

We will half to get some gas he 
said I wonder where they is a garage. 

No sooner had the words fell from 
his lips when a man with a flagrant 

39 



40 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

Adams apple handed him a card with 
the name of a garage on it. 

Go up Genesee st 5 blks and turn 
to the left or something said the 
man with the apple. 

Soon we reached the garage and 
had the gas tank filled with gas it 
was 27 cents in Buffalo and soon we 
was on our way to Rochester. Well 
these are certainly grate roads said 
my father barshfully. 

They have lots better roads in the 
east than out west replid my mother 
with a knowing wink. 

The roads all through the east are 
better than out west remarked my 
father at lenth. 

These are wonderfull replid my 
mother smuggleing me vs her arm. 

The time past quickly with my par- 
ents in so jocular a mood and all 





"ZTte. 



BUFFALO TO ROCHESTER 76.4 43 

most before I knew it we was on the 
outer skirts of Batavia. 

What town is this quired my 
mother in a tolerant voice. 

Batavia husked my father slough- 
ing down to 15 miles per hour. 

Well maybe we would better stop 
and have lunch here said my mother 
coyly. 

We will have lunch in Rochester 
replid my father with a loud cough. 

My mother forced a smile and it 
was about J past 12 when we 
arived in Rochester and soon we was 
on Genesee st and finley stoped in 
front of a elegant hotel and shared 
a costly lunch. 



CHAPTER 5 

My Father's Idear 

"ITK7ILST participateing in the 
* * lordly viands my father hailed 
out his map and give it the up and 
down. 

Look at here he said at lenth they 
seams to be a choice of 2 main roads 
between here and Syracuse but 1 of 
them gos way up north to Oswego 
wilst the other gos way south to 
Geneva where as Syracuse is strate 
east from here you might say so it 
looks to me like we would save both 
millage and time if we was to drive 
strate east through Lyons the way 
the railway gos. 

44 



MY FATHER'S IDEAR 45 

Well I dont want to ride on the ties 
said my mother with a loud cough. 

Well you dont half to because they 
seams to be a little road that gos 
strate through replid my father re- 
moveing a flys cadaver from the 
costly farina. 

Well you would better stick to the 
main roads said my mother tack- 
lessly. 

Well you would better stick to 
your own business replid my father 
with a pungent glance. 

Soon my father had payed the 
check and gave the waiter a lordly 
bribe and once more we sprang into 
the machine and was on our way. 
The lease said about the results of 
my fathers grate idear the soonest 
mended in a word it turned out to 
be a holycost of the first water as 



46 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

after we had covered miles and miles 
of ribald roads we suddenly come to 
a abrupt conclusion vs the side of a 
stagnant freight train that was 
stone deef to honks. My father set 
there for nerly J a hour reciteing the 
4 Horses of the Apoplex in a under 
tone but finley my mother mustard 
up her curage and said affectedly 
why dont we turn around and go 
back somewheres. I cant spell what 
my father replid. 

At lenth my old man decided that 
Lyons wouldnt never come to Ma- 
homet if we set it out on the same 
lines all winter so we backed up and 
turned around and retraced 4 miles 
of shell holes and finley reached our 
objective by way of Detour. 

Puling up in front of a garage my 
father beckoned to a dirty mechanic. 

How do we get to Syracuse from 



MY FATHER'S IDEAR 49 

here arsked my father blushing furi- 
ously. 

Go strate south to Geneva and 
then east to Syracuse replid the 
dirty mechanic with a loud cough. 

Isnt there no short cut arsked my 
father. 

Go strate south to Geneva and 
then east to Syracuse replid the dirty 
mechanic. 

You see daddy we go to Geneva 
after all I said brokenly but luckly 
for my piece of mind my father dont 
beleive in corporeal punishment a 
specially in front of Lyons peaple. 

Soon we was on a fine road and 
nothing more hapened till we puled 
into Syracuse at 7 that evening and 
as for the conversation that changed 
hands in the car between Lyons and 
Syracuse you could stick it in a day 
message and send it for 30 cents. 



CHAPTER 6 

Syracuse to Hudson 183.2 

OOON we was on Genesee st in 
^ Syracuse but soon turned off a 
blk or 2 and puled up in front of a 
hotel that I cant ether spell or pro- 
nounce besides witch they must of 
been a convention of cheese sculpters 
or something stoping there and any 
way it took the old man a hour to 
weedle a parler bed room and bath 
out of the clerk and put up a cot 
for me. 

Wilst we was enjoying a late and 
futile supper in the hotel dinning 
room a man named Duffy reckonized 
my father and came to our table and 

50 



SYRACUSE TO HUDSON 183.2 51 

arsked him to go to some boxing 
matchs in Syracuse that night. 

Thanks very much said my father 
with a slite sneeze but you see what 
I have got on my hands besides witch 
I have been driveing all day and half 
to start out again erly in the morn- 
ing so I guess not. 

Between you and I dear reader 
my old man has been oposed to pugi- 
lisms since the 4 of July holycost. 

Who is that man arsked my moth- 
er when that man had gone away. 

Mr. Duffy replid my father shove 
the ketchup over this way. 

Yes I know he is Mr. Duffy but 
where did you meet him insisted my 
mother quaintly. 

In Boston my father replid where 
would a person meet a man named 
Duffy. 



52 THE YOUNG IMMIGBUNTS 

When we got up the next morning 
it was 6 o'clock and purring rain but 
we eat a costly brekfus and my 
father said we would save time if we 
would all walk down to the garage 
where he had horded the car witch 
he stated was only 2 short blks away 
from the hotel. Well if it was only 
2 short blks why peaple that lives 
next door to each other in Syracuse 
are by no means neighbors and when 
we got there the entire party was 
soping wet and rarther rabid. 

We will all catch our death of cold 
chuckled my mother. 

What of it explained my old man 
with a dirty look at the sky. 

Maybe we would better put up the 
curtains sugested my mother smirk- 
ing. 

Maybe we wouldnt too said my 
father cordialy. 



SYRACUSE TO HUDSON 183.2 55 

Well maybe it will clear up said 
my mother convulsively. 

Maybe it wont too replid my 
father as he capered into the drivers 



My father is charming company 
wilst driveing on strange roads 
through a purring rain and even 
when we past through Oneida and 
he pronounced it like it was a biscuit 
neither myself or my mother ven- 
tured to correct him but finley we 
reached Utica when we got to witch 
we puled up along side the kerb and 
got out and rang ourselfs out to a 
small extent when suddenly a closed 
car sored past us on the left. 

Why that was Mrs. Heywood in 
that car explained my mother with 
a fierce jesture. By this time it was 
not raining and we got back into the 



56 THE YOUNG IMMIGBUNTS 

car and presently over took the 
closed car witch stoped when they 
reckonized us. 

And witch boy is this quired Mrs. 
Heywood when the usual compli- 
ments had been changed. 

This is the third he is named for 
his father replid my mother force- 
ing a smile. 

He has his eyes was the comment. 

Bill dont you remember Mrs. Hey- 
wood said my mother turning on me 
she use to live in Riverside and Dr. 
Heywood tended to you that time 
you had that slite atack of obesity. 

Well yes I replid with a slite ac- 
cent but did not add how rotten the 
medicine tasted that time and soon 
we was on Genesee st on our way 
out of Utica. 

I wander why they dont name 



SYRACUSE TO HUDSON 183.2 57 

some of their sts Genesee in these 
eastren towns said my father for the 
sun was now shining but no sooner 
had we reached Herkimer when the 
clouds bersed with renude vigger 
and I think my old man was about 
to say we will stop here and have 
lunch when my mother sugested it 
herself. 

No replid my father with a corse 
jesture we will go on to Little Falls. 

It was raining cats and dogs when 
we arived at Little Falls and my 
father droped a quaint remark. 

If Falls is a verb he said the man 
that baptized this town was a prac- 
ticle joker. 

We will half to change our close 
replid my mother steping into a mud 
peddle in front of the hotel with a 
informal look. 



58 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

When we had done so we partook 
of a meger lunch and as it was now 
only drooling resumed our jurney. 

They soked me 5 for that room 
said my father but what is a extra 
sokeing or 2 on a day like this. 

I didnt mean for you to get a room 
said my mother violently. 

Where did you want us to change 
our close on the register said my old 
man turning pail. 

Wasnt it funny that we should 
happen to see Mrs. Heywood in 
Utica said my mother at lenth. 

They live there dont they my 
father replid. 

Why yes my mother replid. 

Well then my father replid the 
real joke would of been if we had of 
happened to see her in Auburn. 

A little wile latter we past a grate 



SYRACUSE TO HUDSON 183.2 61 

many signs reading dine at the Big 
Nose Mountain Inn. 

Rollie Zeider never told me they 
had named a mountain after him crid 
my father and soon we past through 
Fonda. 

Soon we past through Amsterdam 
and I guess I must of dosed off at 
lease I cant remember anything be- 
tween there and Schenectady and I 
must apologize to my readers for 
my laps as I am unable to ether de- 
scribe the scenery or report anything 
that may of been said between these 
2 points but I recall that as we en- 
tered Albany a remark was adrest 
to me for the first time since lunch. 

Bill said my mother with a J smirk 
this is Albany the capital of New 
York state. 

So this is Albany I thorght to my- 
self. 



62 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

Who is governer of New York now 
arsked my mother to my father. 

Smith replid my father who seams 
to know everything. 

Queer name said my mother 
sulkily. 

Soon we puled up along side a 
policeman who my father arsked 
how do we get acrost the river to 
the New York road and if Albany 
pays their policemans by the word 
111 say we were in the presents of a 
rich man and by the time he got 
through it was dark and still drool- 
ing and my old man didnt know the 
road and under those conditions I 
will not repete the conversation that 
transpired between Albany and Hud- 
son but will end my chapter at the 
city limits of the last named settle- 
munt. 



CHAPTER 7 

Hudson 

WE were turing gaily down the 
main st of Hudson when a man 
of 12 years capered out from the 
side walk and hoped on the runing 
board. 

Do you want a good garage he 
arsked with a dirty look. 

Why yes my good man replid my 
father tenderly but first where is the 
best hotel. 

I will take you there said the man. 

I must be a grate favorite in Hud- 
son my father wispered at my 
mother. 

Soon foiling the mans directions 

63 



64 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

we puled up in front of a hotel but 
when my father went at the register 
the clerk said I am full tonight. 

Where do you get it around here 
arsked my father tenderly. 

We have no rooms replid the senile 
clerk paying no tension to my old 
mans remark but there is a woman 
acrost the st that takes loggers. 

Not to excess I hope replid my 
father but soon we went acrost the 
st and the woman agrede to hord 
us for the night so myself and moth- 
er went to our apartmunts wilst my 
father and the 12 year old besought 
the garage. When we finley got re- 
united and went back to the hotel 
for supper it was past 8 oclock as 
a person could of told from the 
viands. Latter in front of our log- 
gings we again met the young man 




/-/us. 



HUDSON 67 

who had welcomed us to Hudson and 
called my father to 1 side. 

There is a sailer going to spend 
the night here he said in a horse 
wisper witch has walked all the way 
from his home Schenectady and he 
has got to report on his ship in New 
York tomorrow afternoon and has 
got no money so if he dont get a free 
ride he will be up vs it 

He can ride with us replid my 
father with a hiccup if tomorrow is 
anything like today a sailer will not 
feel out of place in my costly moter. 

I will tell him replid the man with 
a corse jesture. 

Will you call us at J past 5 my 
mother reqested to our lanlady as 
we entered our Hudson barracks. 

I will if I am awake she replid use- 
ing her handkerchief to some extent 



68 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

Latter we wandered how anybody 
could help from being awake in that 
hot bed of mones and grones and cat 
calls and caterwauls and gulish 
screaks of all kinds and tho we had 
rose erly at Syracuse and had a day 
of retchedness we was all more than 
ready to get up when she wraped on 
our door long ere day brake. 

Where is that sailer that stoped 
here last night quired my father as 
we was about to make a lordly out- 
burst. 

He wouldnt pay his bill and razed 
hell so I kicked him out replid the 
lanlady in her bear feet. 

Without farther adieu my father 
payed his bill and we walked into the 
dismul st so I will end this chapter 
by leaveing the fare lanlady flaping 
in the door way in her sredded night 
gown. 



CHAPTER 8 

Hudson to Yonkers 106.5 

T T was raining a little so my father 
-*- bad my mother and I stand in the 
Bt wilst he went to the garage and 
retained the costly moter. He re- 
turned J a hour latter with the story 
that the garage had been locked and 
he had to go to the props house and 
roust him out. 

How did you know where he lived 
quired my mother barshfully. 

I used the brains god gave me 
was my fathers posthumous reply. 

Soon we rumpled into Rhinebeck 
and as it was now day light and the 
rain had siezed we puled up in front 
of the Beekman arms for brekf us. 
71 



72 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

It says this is the oldest hotel in 
America said my mother reading the 
programme. 

The eggs tastes all right replid my 
father with a corse jesture. 

What is the next town quired my 
mother when we again set sale. 

Pokippsie was my fathers reply. 

Thats where Vassar is said my 
mother as my old man stiffled a yawn 
I wonder if there is a store there that 
would have a koop for David. 

I doubt it they ever heard of him 
said my father dryly how much do 
they cost. 

Well I dont know. 

We entered Pokippsie at lentil 
and turned to the left up the main 
at and puled up in front of a big store 
where myself and mother went in 
and purchased a koop for my little 



HUDSON TO YONKERS 106.5 73 

brother and a kap for me witch only 
took a J hour dureing witch my 
father lost his temper and when we 
finley immerged he was barking like 
a dog and giveing the Vassar yell. 2 
men come out of the store with us 
and tost the koop with the rest of 
the junk in the back seat and away 
we went 

Doesnt this look cute on him said 
my mother in regards to my new 
kap. 

What of it replid my father with 
a grimace and with that we puled 
into Garrison. 

Isnt this right acrost the river 
from West Point said my mother 
with a gastly look. 

What of it replid my father ten- 
derly and soon we found ourselfs in 
Peekskill. 



74 THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 

This is where that young girl 
cousin of mine gos to school said my 
father from Philadelphia. 

What of it said my mother with a 
loud cough and presently we stoped 
and bought 15 gals of gas. 

I have got a fund of usef ull infor- 
mation about every town we come to 
said my father admireingly for in- 
stants this is Harmon where they 
take off the steem engines and put 
on the electric bullgines. 

My mother looked at him with ill 
consealed admiration. 

And what do you know about this 
town she arsked as we frisked into 
Ossining. 

Why this is Ossining where they 
take off the hair and put on the 
stripes replid my father qick as a 
flarsh and the next place is Tarry- 



HUDSON TO YONKERS 106.5 75 

town where John D. Rockefeller has 
a estate. 

What is the name of the estate 
quired my mother breathlessly. 

Socony I supose was the sires 
reply. 

With that we honked into Yonkers 
and up the funny looking main st 

What a funny looking st said my 
mother and I always thorght it was 
the home of well to do peaple. 

Well yes replid my father it is the 
home of the ruling class at lease Bill 
Klem the umpire and Bill Langford 
the referee lives here. 

I will end my chapter on that one. 



CHAPTER 9 

The Bureau of Manhattan 

TSN'T it about time said my mother 
^ as we past Spuyten Duyvil and 
entered the Bureau of Manhattan 
that we made our plans. 

What plans said my father all my 
plans is all ready made. 

Well then you might make me your 
confident sugested my mother with 
a quaint smirk. 

Well then heres the dope uttered 
my father in a vage tone I am going 
to drop you at the 125 st station 
where you will only half to wait 2 
hours and a J for the rest of the 
family as the train from the west is 
do at 350 at 125 st in the meen wile 
76 



THE BUREAU OF MANHATTAN 77 

I will drive out to Grenitch with Bill 
and see if the house is ready and 
etc and if the other peaples train is 
on time you can catch the 4 4 and I 
an Bill will meet you at the Grenitch 
station. 

If you have time get a qt of milk 
for David said my mother with a pail 
look. 

What kind of milk arsked my dad. 

Oh sour milk my mother screened. 

As she was now in a pretty bad 
temper we will leave her to cool off 
for 2 hours and a \ in the 125 st sta- 
tion and end this chapter. 



CHAPTER 10 

N. Y. to Grenitch 500.0 

r pHE lease said about my and my 
fathers trip from the Bureau of 
Manhattan to our new home the 
soonest mended. In some way ether 
I or he got balled up on the grand 
concorpse and next thing you know 
we was thretning to swoop down on 
Pittsfield. 

Are you lost daddy I arsked ten- 
derly. 

Shut up he explained. 

At lenth we doubled on our 
tracks and done much better as we 
finley hit New Rochelle and puled 
up along side a policeman with fall- 
ing archs. 

78 



N. Y. TO GRENITCH 500.0 81 

What road do I take for Grenitch 
Conn quired my father with poping 

eyes. 
Take the Boston post replid the 

policeman. 

I have all ready subscribed to one 
out of town paper said my father 
and steped on the gas so we will leave 
the flat foot gaping after us like a 
prune fed calf and end this chapter. 



CHAPTER 11 

How It Ended 

r T*RUE to our promise we were at 

the station in Grenitch when the 
costly train puled in from 125 st 
Myself and father hoped out of the 
lordly moter and helped the bulk of 
the f amly off of the train and I aloud 
our nurse and my 3 brothers to kiss 
me tho Davids left me rarther moist. 

Did you have a hard trip my 
father arsked to our nurse shyly. 

Why no she replid with a elite 
stager. 

She did too said my mother they 
all acted like little devils. 

Did you get Davids milk she said 
turning on my father. 

82 




G 



uSi. 



HOW IT ENDED 85 

Why no does he like milk my 
father replid with a gastly smirk. 

We got lost mudder I said brok- 
enly. 

We did not screened my father and 
accidently cracked me in the shins 
with a stray foot 

To change the subjeck I turned 
my tensions on my brother Jimmie 
who is nerest my age. 

I've seen our house Jimmie I said 
brokenly I got here first. 

Yes but I slept all night on a train 
and you didnt replid Jimmie with a 
dirty look. 

Nether did you said my brother 
John to Jimmie you was awake all 
night 

Were awake said my mother. 

Me and David was awake all night 
and crid said my brother John. 



86 



THE YOUNG IMMIGRUNTS 



But I only crid once the whole time 
said my brother Jimmie. 

But I didnt cry at all did 1 1 arsked 
to my mother. 

So she replid with a loud cough 
Bill was a very very good boy. 

So now we will say fare well to the 
characters in this book. 




& 



r\ 









PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE 
CARDS OR SLIPS FROM THIS POCKET 

UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO LIBRARY 



PS Lardner, Ring Wilmer 

3523 The young immigrants 

A7Y6