V 7/*i
6001
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA
AT LOS ANGELES
THE YOUNG VISITERS
DAISY ASHFORD
THE AUTHOR
THE
YOUNG VISITERS
OR, MR. SALTEENA'S PLAN
BY
DAISY ASHFORD
WITH A PREFACE BT
J. M. BARRIE
NEW ^Sr YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
Copyright, 1919,
By George H. Doran Company
Printed in the United States of America
Tft
GOO
CONTENTS
PAGE
PREFACE BY J. M. BARBIE vii
CHAPTER
1 QUITE A YOUNG GIRL 23
2 STARTING GAILY ,27
3 THE FIRST EVENING 36
4 MR. SALTEENAS PLAN 41
5 THE CRYSTAL PALACE 45
6 HIGH LIFE 59
7 BERNARDS IDEAR 74
8 A GAY CALL 79
9 A PROPOSALS 88
10 PREPARING FOR THE FRAY. ... 95
11 THE WEDDING 99
12 How IT ENDED . 102
PREFACE
THE "owner of the copyright" guarantees
that "The Young Visiters" is the unaided
effort in fiction of an authoress of nine
years. "Effort," however, is an absurd
word to use, as you may see by studying
the triumphant countenance of the child
herself, which is here reproduced as frontis-
piece to her sublime work. This is no por-
trait of a writer who had to burn the oil
at midnight (indeed there is documentary
evidence that she was hauled off to bed
every evening at six) : it has an air of care-
less power; there is a complacency about
it that by the severe might perhaps be
called smugness. It needed no effort for
that face to knock off a masterpiece. It
probably represents precisely how she
looked when she finished a chapter. When
she was actually at work I think the ex-
[vii]
PREFACE
pression was more solemn, with the tongue
firmly clenched between the teeth; an un-
holy rapture showing as she drew near her
love chapter. Fellow-craftsmen will see
that she is looking forward to this chapter
all the time.
The manuscript is in pencil in a stout
little note book (twopence), and there it
has lain for years, for though the authoress
was nine when she wrote it she is now a
grown woman. It has lain, in lavender as
it were, in the dumpy note book, waiting
for a publisher to ride that way and rescue
it; and here he is at last, not a bit afraid
that to this age it may appear "Victorian."
Indeed if its pictures of High Life are
accurate (as we cannot doubt, the authoress
seems always so sure of her facts) they had
a way of going on in those times which is
really surprising. Even the grand histori-
cal figures were free and easy, such as King
Edward, of whom we have perhaps the most
human picture ever penned, as he appears
at a levee "rather sumshiously," in a "small
[viii]
PREFACE
but costly crown," and afterwards slips
away to tuck into ices. It would seem in
particular that we are oddly wrong in our
idea of the young Victorian lady as a per-
son more shy and shrinking than the girl
of to-day. The Ethel of this story is a
fascinating creature who would have a
good time wherever there were a few males,
but no longer could she voyage through life
quite so jollily without attracting the at-
tention of the censorious. Chaperon seems
to be one of the very few good words of
which our authoress had never heard.
The lady she had grown into, the "owner
of the copyright" already referred to, gives
me a few particulars of this child she used
to be, and is evidently a little scared by
her. We should probably all be a little
scared (though proud) if that portrait was
dumped down in front of us as ours, and we
were asked to explain why we once thought
so much of ourselves as that.
Except for the smirk on her face, all I
can learn of her now is that she was one of
[ix]
PREFACE
a small family who lived in the country,
invented their own games, dodged the
governess and let the rest of the wrorld go
hang. She read everything that came her
way, including, as the context amply proves,
the grown-up novels of the period. "I
adored writing and used to pray for bad
weather, so that I need not go out but
could stay in and write." Her mother used
to have early tea in bed ; sometimes visitors
came to the house, when there was talk
of events in high society: there was men-
tion of places called Hampton Court, the
Gaiety Theatre and the "Crystale" Palace.
This is almost all that is now remembered,
but it was enough for the blazing child.
She sucked her thumb for a moment (this is
guesswork), and sat down to her amazing
tale.
"Her mother used to have early tea in
bed." Many authors must have had a
similar experience, but they all missed the
possibilities of it until this young woman
•ame along. It thrilled her; and tea in
M
PEEPACB
bed at last takes its proper place in fiction.
"Mr Salteena woke up Farther early next
day and was delighted to find Horace the
footman entering with a cup of tea. Oh
thank you my man said Mr Salteena rolling
over in the costly bed. Mr Clark is nearly
out of the bath sir announced Horace I
will have great pleasure in turning it on for
you if such is your desire. Well yes you
might said Mr Salteena seeing it was the
idear." Mr Salteena cleverly conceals his
emotion, but as soon as he is alone he
rushes to Ethel's door, "I say said Mr Sal-
teena excitedly I have had some tea in bed."
"Sometimes visitors came to the house."
Nothing much in that to us, but how con-
summately this child must have studied
them; if you consider what she knew of
them before the "viacle" arrived to take
them back to the station you will never
dare to spend another week-end in a house
where there may be a novelist of nine years.
I am sure that when you left your bed-
room this child stole in, examined every-
[xi]
PREFACE
thing and summed you up. She was par-
ticularly curious about the articles on your
dressing-table, including the little box con-
taining a reddish powder, and she never
desisted from watching you till she caught
you dabbing it on your cheeks. This pow-
der, which she spells "ruge," went a little
to her head, and it accompanies Ethel on
her travels with superb effect. For in-
stance, she is careful to put it on to be pro-
posed to; and again its first appearance is
excused in words that should henceforth
be serviceable in every boudoir. "I shall
put some red ruge on my face said Ethel
becouse I am very pale owing to the drains
in this house."
Those who read will see how the rooms in
Hampton Court became the "compart-
ments" in the "Crystale" Palace, and how
the "Gaierty" Hotel grew out of the
Gaiety Theatre, with many other agreeable
changes. The novelist will find the tale a
model for his future work. How incom-
parably, for instance, the authoress dives
[xii]
PREFACE
into her story at once. How cunningly
throughout she keeps us on the hooks of
suspense, jumping to Mr Salteena when we
are in a quiver about Ethel, and turning to
Ethel when we are quite uneasy about Mr
Salteena. This authoress of nine is flirting
with her readers all the time. Her mind is
such a rich pocket that as she digs in it (her
head to the side and her tongue well out)
she sends up showers of nuggets. There
seldom probably was a novelist with such
an uncanny knowledge of his characters as
she has of Mr Salteena. The first line of
the tale etches him for all time : "Mr Sal-
teena was an elderly man of 42 and fond of
asking people to stay with him." On the
next page Salteena draws a touching pic-
ture of himself in a letter accepting an
invitation : "I do hope I shall enjoy myself
with you. I am fond of digging in the
garden and I am parshal to ladies if they
are nice I suppose it is my nature. I am
not quite a gentleman but you would hardly
notice it but can't be helped anyhow."
[xiii]
PREFACE
"When the great morning arrived Mr Sal-
teena did not have an egg for his breakfast
in case he should be sick on the journey."
For my part I love Mr Salteena, who has a
touch of Hamlet, and I wished up to the
end that Ethel would make him happy,
though I never had much hope after I read
the description of Bernard Clark's legs.
It is not to be wondered at that Mr Sal-
teena soon grew "rarther jellous" of Ber-
nard, who showed off from the first. "My
own room is next the bathroom said Ber-
nard it is decerated dark red as I have
somber tastes. The bathroom has got a
tip up basin." Thus was Mr Salteena put
in his place, and there the cruel authoress
(with her, tongue farther out than ever)
doggedly keeps him. "After dinner Ethel
played some merry tunes on the piano and
Bernard responded with a rarther loud song
in a base voice and Ethel clapped him a
good deal. Then Mr Salteena asked a few
riddles as he was not musicle." No wonder
Mr Salteena went gloomily to bed, not to
[xiv]
PREFACE
sleep, but to think out the greater riddle of
how to become a gentleman, with which
triumphant adventure the book is largely
concerned.
To many the most instructive part of the
story will be the chapter entitled "Ber-
nard's Idear." Bernard's "idear" (warmly
acclaimed by Ethel) is that she and he
should go up to London "for a few weeks
gaierty." Something of the kind has often
been done in fiction and in guide-books, but
never probably in such a hearty way as
here. Arrived at the "Gaierty" Hotel Ber-
nard pokes his head into the "window of
the pay desk. Have you a couple of bed-
rooms for self and young lady he enquired
in a lordly way." He is told that they have
two beauties. "Thank you said Bernard
we will go up if you have no objection.
None whatever sir said the genial lady the
beds are well aired and the view quite pleas-
ant. Come along Ethel cried Bernard this
sounds alright eh. Oh quite said Ethel with
a beaming smile." He decides gallantly
[xv]
PREPACH
that the larger room shall be here. "I shall
be quite lost in that large bed," Ethel says.
"Yes I expect you will said Bernard and
now what about a little table d'ote followed
by a theatre?"
Bernard's proposal should be carried in
the pocket of all future swains. He decides
"whilst imbibing his morning tea beneath
the pink silken quilt," that to propose in
London would not be the "correct idear."
He springs out of bed and knocks at Ethel's
door. "Are you up my dear? he called.
Well not quite said Ethel hastily jumping
from her downy nest." He explains his
"idear." "Oh hurrah shouted Ethel I shall
soon be ready as I had my bath last night
so won't wash very much now."
They go up the river in a boat, and after
they had eaten and "drunk deeply of the
charming viands ending up with merangs
and chocklates," Bernard says "in a pas-
sionate voice Let us now bask under the
spreading trees. Oh yes lets said Ethel."
"Ethel he murmered in a, trembly voice,
[xvi]
PBBFACB
Oh what is it said Ethel." What it was (as
well she knew) was love eternal. Ethel
accepts him, faints and is brought back to
life by a clever "idear" of Bernard's, who
pours water on her. "She soon came to
and looked up with a sickly smile. Take me
back to the 'Gaierty' Hotel she whispered
faintly. With pleasure my darling said
Bernard I will just pack up our viands ere
I unloose the boat. Ethel felt better after
•
a few drops of champaigne and began to
tidy her hair while Bernard packed the
remains of the food. Then arm in arm they
tottered to the boat, I trust you have not
got an illness my darling murmured Ber-
nard as he helped her in, Oh no I am very
strong said Ethel I fainted from joy she
added to explain matters. Oh I see said
Bernard handing her a cushion well some
people do he added kindly."
"So I will end my chapter," the authoress
says; and we can picture her doing it com-
placently, and slowly pulling in her tongue.
Ethel was married in the Abbey. Her
[xvii]
PREFACE
wedding dress was "a rich satin with a
humped pattern of gold on the pure white
and it had a long train edged with Airum
lillies." "You will indeed be a charming
spectacle my darling gasped Bernard as
they left the shop," and I have no doubt
she was. She got many delightful presents,
the nicest of all being from her father, who
"provided a cheque for £2 and promised to
send her a darling little baby calf when
ready." This is perhaps the prettiest touch
in the story and should make us all take off
our hats to the innocent wondering mind
that thought of it.
Poor Mr Salteena. He was at the wed-
ding, dressed in black and crying into his
handkerchief. However he recovered to an
extent and married Another and had ten
children, "five of each," none of them of
course equal to Ethel's children, of whom
in a remarkably short time there were
seven, which the authoress evidently con-
siders to be the right "idear."
It seems to me to be a remarkable work
[xviii]
PREFACE
for a child, remarkable even in its length
and completeness, for when children turn
author they usually stop in the middle, like
the kitten when it jumps. The pencilled
MS. has been accurately reproduced, not a
word added or cut out. Each chapter being
in one long paragraph, however, this has
been subdivided for the reader's comfort.
J. M. BARRIE.
[xix]
THK YOUNG VISITERS
THE
YOUNG VISITERS
CHAPTER 1
QUITE A YOUNG GIRL
MR SALTEENA was an elderly man of 42 and
was fond of asking peaple to stay with him.
He had quite a young girl staying with him
of 17 named Ethel Monticue. Mr Salteena
had dark short hair and mustache and
wiskers which were very black and twisty.
He was middle sized and he had very pale
blue eyes. He had a pale brown suit but
on Sundays he had a black one and he had a
topper every day as he thorght it more be-
coming. Ethel Monticue had fair hair done
on the top and blue eyes. She had a blue
velvit frock which had grown rarther short
in the sleeves. She had a black straw hat
and kid gloves.
[23]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
One morning Mr Salteena came down to
brekfast and found Ethel had come down
first which was strange. Is the tea made
Ethel he said rubbing his hands. Yes said
Ethel and such a quear shaped parcel has
come for you Yes indeed it was a quear
shape parcel it was a hat box tied down
very tight and a letter stuffed between the
string. Well well said Mr Salteena parcels
do turn quear I will read the letter first
and so saying he tore open the letter and
this is what it said
MY DEAR ALFRED.
I want you to come for a stop with me
so I have sent you a top hat wraped up in
tishu paper inside the box. Will you wear
it staying with me because it is very
uncommon. Please bring one of your young
ladies whichever is the prettiest in the face.
I remain Yours truely
BERNARD CLARK.
[24]
QUITE A YOUNG GIRL
Well said Mr Salteena I shall take you to
stay Ethel and fancy him sending me a top
hat. Then Mr S. opened the box and there
lay the most splendid top hat of a lovly
rich tone rarther like grapes with a ribbon
round compleat.
Well said Mr Salteena peevishly I dont
know if I shall like it the bow of the ribbon
is too flighty for my age. Then he sat down
and eat the egg which Ethel had so kindly
laid for him. After he had finished his
meal he got down and began to write to
Bernard Clark he ran up stairs on his fat
legs and took out his blotter with a loud
sniff and this is what he wrote
MY DEAR BERNARD
Certinly I shall come and stay with
you next Monday I will bring Ethel Mon-
ticue commonly called Miss M. She is very
active and pretty. I do hope I shall enjoy
myself with you. I am fond of digging in
the garden and I am parshial to ladies if
[25]
THE YOUNG VISITEES
they are nice I suppose it is my nature. I
am not quite a gentleman but you would
hardly notice it but <?ant be helped anyhow.
We will come by the 3-15.
Your old and valud friend
ALFRED SALTEENA.
Perhaps my readers will be wondering
why Bernard Clark had asked Mr Salteena
to stay with him. He was a lonely man in
a remote spot and he liked peaple and
partys but he did not know many. What
rot muttered Bernard Clark as he read Mr
Salteenas letter. He was rarther a pre-
sumshious man.
[26]
H**~* *
THE FIRST PAGE OF THE OEIQINAL MANUSCRIPT
CHAPTER 2
STARTING GAILY
WHEN the great morning came Mr Salteena
did not have an egg for his brekfast in case
he should be sick on the jorney.
What top nat will you wear asked Ethel.
I shall wear my best black and my white
alpacka coat to keep off the dust and flies
replied Mr Salteena.
I shall put some red ruge on my face said
Ethel because I am very pale owing to the
drains in this house.
You will look very silly said Mr Salteena
with a dry laugh.
Well so will you said Ethel in a snappy
tone and she ran out of the room with a
very superier run throwing out her legt
behind and her arms swinging in rithum.
[27]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
Well said the owner of the house she has
a most idiotick run.
Presently Ethel came back in her best hat
and a lovly velvit coat of royal blue. Do
I look nice in my get up she asked.
Mr Salteena survayed her. You look
rarther rash my dear your colors dont quite
match your face but never mind I am just
going up to say goodbye to Rosalind the
housemaid.
Well dont be long said Ethel. Mr S.
skipped upstairs to Rosalinds room. Good-
bye Rosalind he said I shall be back soon
and I hope I shall enjoy myself.
I make no doubt of that sir said Rosalind
with a blush as Mr Salteena silently put
2/6 on the dirty toilet cover.
Take care of your bronkitis said Mr S.
rarther bashfully and he hastilly left the
room waving his hand carelessly to the
housemaid.
Come along cried Ethel powdering her
nose in the hall let us get into the cab. Mr
[28]
STARTING GAILY
Salteena did not care for powder but he
was an unselfish man so he dashed into the
cab. Sit down said Ethel as the cabman
waved his whip you are standing on my
luggage. Well I am paying for the cab
said Mr S. so I might be allowed to put my
feet were I like.
They traveled 2nd class in the train and
Ethel was longing to go first but thought
perhaps least said soonest mended. Mr
Salteena got very excited in the train about
his visit. Ethel was calm but she felt
excited inside. Bernard has a big house
said Mr. S. gazing at Ethel he is inclined
to be rich. ^
Oh indeed said Ethel looking at some
cows flashing past the window. Mr. S. felt
rarther disheartened so he read the paper
till the train stopped and the porters
shouted Rickamere station. We had better
collect our traps said Mr Salteena and just
then a very exalted footman in a cocked
hat and olive green uniform put his head in
[29]
THE YOUNG VISITEBS
at the window. Are you for Rickamere
Hall he said in impressive tones.
Well yes I am said Mr Salteena and so is
this lady.
Very good sir said the noble footman if
you will alight I will see to your luggage
there is a convayance awaiting you.
Oh thankyou thankyou said Mr. S. and
he and Ethel stepped along the platform.
Outside they found a lovely cariage lined
with olive green cushons to match the
footman and the horses had green bridles
and bows on their manes and tails. They
got gingerly in. Will he bring our luggage
asked Ethel nervously.
I expect so said Mr Salteena lighting a
very long cigar.
Do we tip him asked Ethel quietly.
Well no I dont think so not yet we had
better just thank him perlitely.
Just then the footman staggered out with
the bagage. Ethel bowed gracefully over
the door of the cariage and Mr S. waved hie
[30]
STARTING GAILY
hand as each bit of luggage was hoisted up
to make sure it was all there. Then he said
thankyou my good fellow very politely. Not
at all sir said the footman and touching his
cocked hat he jumped actively to the box.
I was right not to tip him whispered Mr
Salteena the thing to do is to leave 2/6 on
your dressing table when your stay is over.
Does he find it asked Ethel who did not
really know at all how to go on at a visit.
I beleeve so replied Mr Salteena anyhow it
is quite the custom and we cant help it if
he does not. Now my dear what do you
think of the sceenery
Very nice said Ethel gazing at the rich
fur rug on her knees. Just then the cariage
rolled into a beautifull drive with tall trees
and big red flowers growing amid shiny
dark leaves. Presently the haughty coach-
man pulled up with a great clatter at a
huge front door with tall pillers each side
a big iron bell and two very clean scrapers.
The doors flung open as if by majic causing
[31]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
Ethel to jump and a portly butler appeared
on the scene with a very shiny shirt front
and a huge pale face. Welcome sir he ex-
claimed good naturedly as Mr Salteena
alighted rarther quickly from the viacle and
please to step inside.
Mr Salteena stepped in as bid followed
by Ethel. The footman again struggled with
the luggage and the butler Francis Minnit
by name kindly lent a hand. The hall was
very big and hung round with guns and
mats and ancesters giving it a gloomy but
a grand air. The butler then showed them
down a winding corridoor till he came to a
door which he flung open shouting Mr Sal-
teena and a lady sir.
A tall man of 29 rose from the sofa. He
was rarther bent in the middle with very
nice long legs fairish hair and blue eyes.
Hullo Alf old boy he cried so you have got
here all safe and no limbs broken.
None thankyou Bernard replied Mr Sal-
teena shaking hands and let me introduce
[32]
STARTING GAILY
Miss Monticue she is very pleased to come
for this visit. Oh yes gasped Ethel blushing
through her red ruge. Bernard looked at
her keenly and turned a dark red. I am
glad to see you he said I hope you will enjoy
it but I have not arranged any partys yet
as I dont know anybody.
Dont worry murmered Ethel I dont mix
much in Socierty and she gave him a dainty
smile.
I expect you would like some tea said
Bernard I will ring.
Yes indeed we should said Mr Salteena
egerly. Bernard pealed on the bell and the
butler came in with a stately walk.
Tea please Minnit crid Bernard Clark.
With pleshure sir replied Minnit with a
deep bow. A glorious tea then came in on
a gold tray two kinds of bread and butter
a lovly jam role and lots of sugar cakes.
Ethels eyes began to sparkle and she made
several remarks during the meal. I expect
[33]
THE YOUNG VISITEBS
you would now like to unpack said Bernard
when it was over.
Well yes that is rarther an idear said Mr
Salteena.
I have given the best spare room to Miss
Monticue said Bernard with a gallant bow
and yours turning to Mr Salteena opens out
of it so you will be nice and friendly both
the rooms have big windows and a hand-
some view.
How charming said Ethel. Yes well let
us go up replied Bernard and he led the
way up many a winding stairway till they
came to an oak door with some lovly swans
and bull rushes painted on it. Here we
are he cried gaily. Ethels room was indeed
a handsome compartment with purple silk
curtains and a 4 post bed draped with the
same shade. The toilit set was white and
mouve and there were some violets in a
costly varse. Oh I say cried Ethel in sup-
prise. I am glad you like it said Bernard
and here we have yours Alf. He opened
[34]
STARTING GAILY
the dividing doors and portrayed a smaller
but dainty room all in pale yellow and wild
primroses. My own room is next the bath
room said Bernard it is decerated dark red
as I have somber tastes. The bath room
has got a tip up bason and a hose thing for
washing your head.
A good notion said Mr Salteena who was
secretly getting jellus.
Here we will leave our friends to unpack
and end this Chapter.
[35]
CHAPTER 3
THE FIRST EVENING
WHEN they had unpacked Mr Salteena and
Ethel went downstairs to dinner. Mr Sal-
teena had put on a compleat evening suit
as he thought it was the correct idear and
some ruby studs he had got at a sale.
Ethel had on a dress of yellaw silk covered
with tulle which was quite in the fashion
and she had on a necklace which Mr Sal-
teena gave her for a birthday present. She
looked very becomeing and pretty and Ber-
nard heaved a sigh as he gave her his arm
to go into dinner. The butler Minnit was
quite ready for the fray standing up very
stiff and surrounded by two footmen in
green plush and curly white wigs who were
called Charles and Horace.
Well said Mr Salteena lapping up his
[36]
THE FIRST EVENING
turtle soup you have a very sumpshous
house Bernard.
His friend gave a weary smile and swol-
lowed a few drops of sherry wine. It is
fairly decent he replied with a bashful
glance at Ethel after our repast I will show
you over the premisis.
Many thanks said Mr Salteena getting
rarther flustered with his forks.
You ourght to give a ball remarked Ethel
you have such large compartments.
Yes there is room enough sighed Bernard
we might try a few steps and meanwhile I
might get to know a few peaple.
So you might responded Ethel giving him
a speaking look.
Mr Salteena was growing a little peevish
but he cheered up when the Port wine came
on the table and the butler put round
some costly finger bowls. He did not have
any in his own house and he followed Ber-
nard Clarks advice as to what to do with
them. After dinner Ethel played some
[37]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
merry tunes on the piano and Bernard re-
sponded with a rarther loud song in a base
voice and Ethel clapped him a good deal.
Then Mr Salteena asked a few riddles as
he was not musicle. Then Bernard said
shall I show you over my domain and they
strolled into the gloomy hall.
I see you have a lot of ancesters said Mr
Salteena in a jelous tone, who are they.
Well said Bernard they are all quite cor-
rect. This is my aunt Caroline she was
rarther exentrick and quite old.
So I see said Mr Salteena and he passed
on to a lady with a very tight waist and
quearly shaped. That is Mary Ann Fudge
my grandmother I think said Bernard she
was very well known in her day.
Why asked Ethel who was rarther curi-
ous by nature.
Well I dont quite know said Bernard but
she was and he moved away to the next
picture. It was of a man with a fat smiley
face and a red ribbon round him and a lot
[38]
THE FIRST EVENING
of medals. My great uncle Ambrose Fudge
said Bernard carelessly.
He looks a thourough ancester said Ethel
kindly.
Well he was said Bernard in a proud tone
he was really the Sinister son of Queen
Victoria.
Not really cried Ethel in excited tones
but what does that mean.
Well I dont quite know said Bernard
Clark it puzzles me very much but ances-
ters do turn quear at times.
Peraps it means god son said Mr Sal-
teena in an inteligent voice.
Well I dont think so said Bernard but I
mean to find out.
It is very grand anyhow said Ethel.
It is that replied her host geniully.
Who is this said Mr Salteena halting at
a picture of a lady holding up some grapes
and smiling a good deal.
Her name was called Minnie Pilato re-
sponded Bernard she was rarther far back
[39]
THE YOUNG VISITEES
but a real relation and she was engaged to
the earl of Tullyvarden only it did not quite
come off.
What a pity crid Ethel.
Yes it was rarther replied Bernard but
she marrid a Captain in the Navy and
had seven children so she was quite alright.
Here Mr Salteena thourght he had better
go to bed as he had had a long jornney.
Bernard always had a few prayers in the
hall and some whiskey afterwards as he
was rarther pious but Mr Salteena was not
very adicted to prayers so he marched up
to bed. Ethel stayed as she thourght it
would be a good thing. The butler came in
as he was a very holy man and Bernard
piously said the Our Father and a very
good hymm called I will keep my anger
down and a Decad of the Rosary. Ethel
chimed in quiutly and Francis Minnit was
most devout and Ethel thourght what a
good holy family she was stopping with.
So I will end my chapter.
[40]
CHAPTER 4
ME SALTEENAS PLAN
ME SALTEENA woke up rarther early next
day and was supprised and delighted to
find Horace the footman entering with a
cup of tea.
Oh thankyou my man said Mr Salteena
rolling over in the costly bed. Mr Clark is
nearly out of the bath sir anounced Horace
I will have great plesure in turning it on
for you if such is your desire. Well yes
you might said Mr Salteena seeing it was
the idear and Horace gave a profound bow.
Ethel are you getting up shouted Mr Sal-
teena.
Very nearly replied Ethel faintly from
the next room.
I say said Mr Salteena excitedly I have
had some tea in bed.
[41]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
So have I replied Ethel.
Then Mr Salteena got into a mouve
dressing goun with yellaw tassles and siez-
ing his soap he wandered off to the bath
room which was most sumpshous. It had a
lovly white shiny bath and sparkling taps
and several towels arrayed in readiness by
thourghtful Horace. It also had a step for
climbing up the bath and other good dodges
of a rich nature. Mr Salteena washed him-
self well and felt very much better. After
brekfast Mr Salteena asked Bernard if he
could have some privite conversation with
him. Well yes replied Bernard if you will
come into my study we can have a few
words.
Cant I come too muttered Ethel sulkily.
No my dear said Mr Salteena this is
privite.
Perhaps later I might have a privite chat
with you Miss Monticue said Bernard
kindly.
Oh do lets said Ethel.
[42]
MR SALTEENAS PLAN
Then Bernard and Mr S. strolled to the
study and sat upon two arm chairs. Fire
away said Bernard lighting his pipe. Well
I cant exactly do that said Mr Salteena in
slow tones it is a searious matter and you
can advise me as you are a thorugh gentle-
man I am sure.
Well yes said Bernard what can I do for
you eh Alf?
You can help me perhaps to be more like
a gentleman said Mr Salteena getting
rarther hot I am quite alright as they say
but I would like to be the real thing can it
be done he added slapping his knees.
I dont quite know said Bernard it might
take a good time.
Might it said Mr S. but I would slave for
years if need be. Bernard scratched his
head. Why dont you try the Crystal Pal-
lace he asked several peaple Earls and even
dukes have privite compartments there.
But I am not an Earl said Mr Salteena
in a purplexed tone.
[43]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
True replied Bernard but I understand
there are sort of students there who want
to get into the War Office and notable
banks.
Would that be a help asked Mr Salteena
egerly.
Well it might said Bernard I can give you
a letter to my old pal the Earl of Clincham
who lives there he might rub you up and
by mixing with him you would probably
grow more seemly.
Oh ten thousand thanks said Mr Salteena
I will go there as soon as it can be arranged
if you would be so kind as to keep an eye
on Ethel while I am away.
Oh yes said Bernard I may be running
up to town for a few days and she could
come too.
You are too kind said Mr Salteena and I
dont think you will find her any trouble.
No I dont think I shall said Bernard she
Is a pretty girl cheerful and active. And
he blushed rarther red.
[44]
CHAPTER 5
THE CRYSTAL PALACE
ABOUT 9 oclock next morning Mr Salteena
stood bag in hand in the ancestle hall wait-
ing for the viacle to convay him to the
station. Bernard Clark and Ethel were
seated side by side on a costly sofa gazing
abstractly at the parting guest. Horace
had dashed off to put on his cocked hat as
he was going in the baroushe but Francis
Minnit was roaming about the hall well
prepared for any deed.
Well said Bernard puffing at his meer-
shum pipe I hope you will get on Alf I am
sure you have that little letter to old
Clincham eh
In deed I have said Mr Salteena many
thanks for the same and I do hope Ethel
will behave properly.
[45]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
Oh yes I expect she will said Bernard
with a sigh.
I always do said Ethel in a snappy tone.
Just then there was a great clatter out-
side and the sound of hoofs and a loud
neigh. The barouche I take it said Bernard
rising slowly.
Quite correct sir said Minnit flinging
wide the portles.
Well goodbye Alf old man said Bernard
Clark good luck and God bless you he added
in a pius tone.
Not at all said Mr Salteena I have en-
joyed my stop which has been short and
sweet well goodbye Ethel my child he said
as bag in hand he proceeded to the door.
Francis Minnit bowed low and handed a
small parcel to Mr Salteena a few sand-
wighs for the jorney sir he remarked.
Oh this is most kind said Mr Salteena.
Miniiit closed his eyes with a tired smile.
Not kind sir he muttered quite usual.
Oh really said Mr Salteena feeling rather
f46]
THE CRYSTAL PALACE
flabergasted well goodbye my good fellow
and he slipped 2/6 into the butlers open
palm.
Mr Salteena had to travel first class as
active Horace ran on to buy the ticket
which he presented with a low bow the
Times and Tit-Bits. Oh many thanks my
man said Mr Salteena in a most airy voice
now will you find me a corner seat in the
train eh.
If there is one sir replied Horace.
In got Mr Salteena to his first class car-
rage surrounded by his luggage carefully
piled up by kindly Horace. The other
pasengers looked full of envy at the curly
white wig and green plush uniform of
Horace. Mr Salteena crossed his legs in a
lordly way and flung a fur rug over his
knees though he was hot enough in all
consciunce. He began to feel this was the
thin end of the partition and he smiled as
he gently tapped the letter in his coat tail
pocket. When Mr Salteena arrived in
[47]
THE YOUNG VISITEES
London he began to strolle up the principle
streets thinking how gay all was. Pres-
ently he beheld a resterant with a big Menu
outside and he went boldly in.
It was a sumpshous spot all done up in
gold with plenty of looking glasses. Many
hansome ladies and gentlemen were already
partaking of choice food and rich wines and
whiskey and the scene was most lively. Mr
Salteena had a little whiskey to make him
feel more at home. Then he eat some curry
to the tune of a merry valse on the band.
He beat time to the music and smiled kind-
ly at the waiters and he felt very excited
inside. I am seeing life with a vengance
he muttered to himself as he paid his bill
at the desk. Outside Mr Salteena found a
tall policeman. Could you direct me to the
Crystale Pallace if you please said Mr Sal-
teena nervously.
Well said the geniul policeman my advice
would be to take a cab sir.
[48]
THE CRYSTAL PALACB
Oh would it said Mr Salteena then I will
do so.
He hailed a Hansome and got speedily in
to the Crystal Palace he cried gaily and
holding his bag on his knees he prepared to
enjoy the sights of the Metropilis. It was
a merry drive and all too soon the Palace
heaved in view. Mr Salteena sprang ont
and paid the man and then he entered the
wondrous edifice. His heart beat very fast
as two huge men in gold braid flung open
the doors. Inside was a lovely fountain in
the middle and all round were little stalls
where you could buy sweets and lemonade
also scent handkerchiefs and many dainty
articles. There were a lot of peaple but
nobody very noteable.
At last after buying two bottles of scent
and some rarther nice sweets which stuck
to his teeth Mr Salteena beheld a wooden
door on which was nailed a notice saying
To the Privite Compartments.
Ah ha said Mr Salteena to himself this i»
[49]
THE YOUNG VISITEBS
evidently my next move, and he gently
pushed open the door straitening his top
hat as he did so. Inside he found himself
in a dimly lit passage with a thick and
handsom carpet. Mr Salteena gazed round
and beheld in the gloom a very superier
gentleman in full evening dress who was
reading a newspaper and warming his
hands on the hot water pipes. Mr Salteena
advanced on tiptoe and coughed gently as
so far the gentleman had paid no attention.
However at the second cough he raised his
eyes in a weary fashion, do you want any-
thing he asked in a most noble voice.
Mr Salteena got very flustered. Well I
am seeking the Earl of Clincham he began
in a trembly voice are you by any chance
him he added most respectfully.
No not exacktly replied the other my
name happens to be Edward Procurio. I
am half Italian and I am the Groom of the
Chambers.
[50]
THE CRYSTAL PALACE
What chambers asked Mr Salteena blink-
ing his eyes.
These said Edward Procurio waving a
thin arm.
Mr Salteena then noticed several red
doors with names of people on each one.
Oh I see he said then perhaps you can tell
me where the Earl of Clincham is to be
found.
At the end of the passage fourth door
down said Procurio tritely of course he may
be out one never knows what they are up to.
I suppose not said Mr Salteena in an
interested tone.
One can not gamble on anything really
said Procurio returning to the hot water
pipes though of course I know a lot more
than most peaple about the inmates here.
What are the babbits of the Earl of
Clincham said Mr Salteena.
Procurio gave a smile many and variu»
he replied I cant say much in my position
[51]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
but one lives and learns. He heaved a sigh
and shruged his shoulders.
Well good day said Mr Salteena feeling
better for the chat.
Procurio nodded in silence as Mr Sal-
teena trotted off down the passage. At
last he came to a door labelled Clincham
Earl of in big letters. With a beating heart
Mr Salteena pulled the bell and the door
swung open of its own accord. At the same
moment a cheery voice rang out from the
distance. Come in please I am in the study
first door on left.
With a nervous bound Mr Salteena
obeyd these directions and found himself
in a small but handsome compartment done
in dark green lether with crests on the
chairs. Over the mantlepiece was hung the
painting of a lady in a low neck looking
quite the thing. By the desk was seated a
tall man of 35 with very nice eyes of a
twinkly nature and curly hair he wore a
quite plain suit of palest grey but well
[52]
THE CRYSTAL PALACfl
made and on the table reposed a grey top
hat which had evidently been on his head
recently. He had a rose in his button hole
also a signet ring.
Hullo said this pleasant fellow as Mr.
Salteena was spell bound on mat.
Hullo your Lord Ship responded our hero
bowing low and dropping his top hat do
I adress the Earl of Clincham.
You do said the Earl with a homely smile
and who do I adress eh.
Our hero bowed again Alfred Salteena
he said in deep tones.
Oh I see said the kindly earl well come in
my man and tell me who you are.
Mr Salteena seated himself gingerly on
the edge of a crested chair.
To tell you the truth my Lord I am not
anyone of import and I am not a gentleman
as they say he ended getting very red and
hot.
Have «ome whiskey said lord Clincham
and ho poured the liquid into a glass at hi*
[53]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
elbow. Mr. Salteena lapped it np thank-
fully.
Well my man said the good natured earl
what I say is what dose it matter we cant
all be of the Blood royal can we.
No said Mr Salteena but I suppose you
are.
Lord Clincham waved a careless hand.
A small portion flows in my viens he said
but it dose not worry me at all and after
all he added piously at the Day of Judge-
ment what will be the odds.
Mr Salteena heaved a sigh. I was think-
ing of this world he said.
Oh I see said the Earl but my own idear
is that these things are as piffle before the
wind.
Not being an earl I cant say answered our
hero but may I beg you to read this letter
my Lord. He produced Bernards note
from his coat tails. The Earl of Clincham
took it in his long fingers. This is what
he read.
[54]
THE CRYSTAL PALACE
MY DEAR CLINCHAM
The bearer of this letter is an old friend
of mine not quite the right side of the blan-
ket as they say in fact he is the son of a
first rate butcher but his mother was a de-
cent family called Hyssopps of the Glen so
you see he is not so bad and is desireus of
being the correct article. Could you rub
him up a bit in Socierty ways. I dont know
much details about him but no doubt he will
supply all you need. I am keeping well and
hope you are. I must run up to the Com-
partments one day and look you up.
Yours as ever your faithfull friend
BERNARD CLARK.
The Earl gave a slight cough and gazed
at Mr Salteena thourghtfully.
Have you much money he asked and are
you prepared to spend a good deal.
Oh yes quite gasped Mr Salteena I have
plenty in the bank and £10 in ready gold
in my purse.
[55]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
You see these compartments are the
haunts of the Aristockracy said the earl and
they are kept going by peaple who have got
something funny in their family and who
want to be less mere if you can comprehend.
Indeed I can said Mr Salteena.
Personally I am a bit parshial to mere
people said his Lordship but the point is
that we charge a goodly sum for our train-
ing here but however if you cant pay yon
need not join.
I can and will proclaimed Mr Salteena
and he placed a £10 note on the desk. His
Lordship slipped it in his trouser pocket.
It will be £42 before I have done with you
he said but you can pay me here and there
as convenient.
Oh thankyou cried Mr Salteena.
Not at all said the Earl and now to
bissness. While here you will live in com-
partments in the basement known as Lower
Range. You will get many hints from the
Groom of the Chambers as to clothes and
[56]
THB CRYSTAL PALACE
ettiquett to menials. You will mix with
me for grammer and I might take you out
hunting or shooting sometimes to give you
a few tips. Also T have lots of ladies partys
which you will attend occasionally.
Mr Salteenas eyes flashed with excite-
ment. I shall enjoy that he cried.
His Lordship coughed loudly. You may
not marry while under instruction he said
firmly.
Oh I shall not need to thankyou said Mr
Salteena.
You must also decide on a profeshion
said his Lordship as your instruction will
rary according.
Could I be anything at Buckingham Pal-
lace said Mr Salteena with flashing eyes.
Oh well I dont quite know said the noble
earl but you might perhaps gallopp beside
the royal baroushe if you care to try.
Oh indeed I should cried Mr Salteena I
am very fond of fresh air and royalties.
Well said the earl with a knowing smile
[57]
THE YOUNG VISTTERS
I might arrange it with the prince of Wales
who I am rarther intimate with.
Not really gasped Mr Salteena.
Dear me yes remarked the earl carelessly
and if we decide for you to gallopp by the
royal viacle you must be mesured for some
plush knickerbockers at once.
Mr Salteena glanced at his rarther fat
legs and sighed.
Well I must go out now and call on a
few Dowigers said his Lordship picking up
his elegent top hat. Well au revoir he
added with a good french accent.
Adieu my Lord cried Mr Salteena not to
be out done we meet anon I take it.
Not till tomorrow answered the earl you
will now proceed to the lower regions where
you will no doubt find tea. He nodded
kindly and glided out in silence,
Here I will end my chapter.
[58]
CHAPTER 6
HIGH LIFE
MR SALTEENA awoke next morning in his
small but pleasant room. It was done in
green and white with Monagrams on the
toilit set. He had a tiny white bed with a
green quilt and a picture of the Nativaty
and one of Windsor Castle on the walls.
The sun was shining over all these things
as Mr Salteena opened his sleepy eyes. Just
then there was rat tat on the door. Come
in called Mr Salteena and in came Edward
Procurio ballancing a tray very cleverly.
He looked most elegant with his shiny black
hair and pale yellow face and half shut
eyes. He smiled in a very mystearious and
superier way as he placed the tray on Mr
Salteenas pointed knees.
Your early beverage he announced and
[59]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
began to pull up the blinds still smiling to
himself.
Oh thankyou cried Mr Salteena feeling
very towzld compared to this grand fellow.
Then to his great supprise Procurio began
to open the wardrobe and look at Mr Sal-
teenas suits making italian exclamations
under his breath. Mr Salteena dare not
say a word so he swollowed his tea and eat
a Marie biscuit hastilly. Presently Procurio
advanced to the bed with a bright blue
serge suit. Will you wear this today sir he
asked quietly.
Oh certainly said Mr Salteena.
And a clean shirt would not come amiss
said Procurio what about this pale blue and
white stripe.
With pleashure replied Mr Salteena. So
Procurio laid them out in neat array also a
razer and brush for shaving. Then he
opened a door saying This is the bath room
shall I turn on hot or cold.
[60]
HIGH LIFE
I dont mind said Mr Salteena feeling very
hot and ignorant.
It is best for you to decide sir said Pro-
curio firmly.
Well I will try cold said Mr Salteena feel-
ing it was more manly to say that. Pro-
curio bowed and beat a retreat to the bath
room. Then he returned and told Mr. Sal-
teena that when he was washed he would
find his breakfast in the sitting room.
When Mr Salteena was dressed in his best
blue suit and clean shirt he stroled into the
sitting room where a gay canary was sing-
ing fit to burst in the window and a copple
of doves cooing in a whicker cage. A cheery
smell greeted him as Procurio glided in
with some steaming coffie. Mr Salteena
felt more at home and passed a few remarks
about the weather. Procurio smiled and
uncovered some lovely kidnys on toast and
as he did so bent and whispered in Mr Sal-
teenas ear you could have come in in your
dressing gown.
[61]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
Mr Salteena gave a start. Oh can I he
said ten thousand thanks.
Then Procurio passed out and Mr Sal-
teena finnished his kidneys and chiruped to
the birds and had a cigarette from a hand-
some purple box which he found on the
desk. Then Procurio entered once more and
with a bow said. His lordship is going to
a levie this morning and thinks it might
amuse you to go too. Could you be ready
by 11 oclock.
Oh yes what fun said Mr Salteena have
you any notion what a levie is my man.
Procurio gave a superier smile. It is a
party given by the Queen to very superier
peaple but this one is given by the Prince
of Wales as the Queen is not quite her usual
self today. It will be at Buckingham pal-
ace so you will drive with his lordship.
Mr Salteena was fearfully excited. What
shall I weare he gasped.
Well of course you ought to have black
satin knickerbockers and a hat with white
[62]
HIGH LIFE
feathers also garters and a star or two.
You supprise me said Mr Salteena I have
none of those articles.
Well said Procurio kindly his lordship
will lend you his second best cocked hat as
you are obliged to wear one and I think
with a little thourght I might rig you up so
as to pass muster.
Then they rumaged among Mr Salteenas
things and Procurio got very intelligent and
advised Mr Salteena to were his black eve-
ning suit and role up his trousers. He also
lent him a pair of white silk stockings which
he fastened tightly round his knees with
red rosettes. Then he quickly cut out a
star in silver paper and pinned it to his
chest and also added a strip of red ribbon
across his shirt front. Then Mr Salteena
survayed himself in the glass. Is it a fancy
dress party he asked.
No they always were that kind of thing
but wait till you see his Lordship — if you
are ready sir I will conduct you in.
[63]
THE YOUNG VISITEES
Mr Salteena followed Procurio up count-
less stairs till they came to the Earls com-
partments and tapped on the bedroom door.
Come in cried a merry voice and in they
strode.
I have done my best with Mr Salteena
my lord I trust he will do the hat of course
will make a deal of diffrence.
Mr Salteena bowed nervously wishing he
had got correct knickerbockers as his trous-
ers did not feel too firm in spite of the gar-
ters.
Not half bad cried the earl try on the
hat Salteena it is on my bed. Mr Salteena
placed it on his head and the feathers and
gold braid became him very well but he
felt very jellous of the earl who looked a
sight for the gods. He had proper satin
knickerbockers with diamond clasps and
buckled shoes and black silk stockings
which showed up his long fine legs. He had
a floppy shirt of softist muslin with real
lace collar and cuffs. A sword hung at
[64]
HIGH LIFE
his side and a crimson sash was round his
waist and a splendid cocked hat on his head.
His blue eyes twinkled as he pulled on a
pair of white kid gloves.
Well come on Salteena he cried and dont
be nervus I will get you a pair of knickers
tomorrow. Will you get a hansome Pro-
curio.
Presently the earl and Mr Salteena were
clattering away to Buckingham palace.
You wont mind if I introduce you as
Lord Hyssops do you said the earl as he
lit his pipe. You see you are sort of mixed
up with the family so it wont matter and
will look better.
So it would said Mr Salteena what do we
do at the levie.
Oh we strole round and eat ices and
champaigne and that kind of thing and
sometimes there is a little music.
Is there any dancing asked Mr Salteena.
Well not always said the Earl.
I am glad of that said Mr Salteena I am
[65]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
not so nimble as I was and my garters are
a trifle tight.
Sometimes we talk about the laws and
politics said the earl if Her Majesty is in
that kind of a mood.
Just then the splendid edifice appeared
in view and Mr Salteena licked his dry lips
at sight of the vast crowd. All round were
carrages full of costly peaple and outside
the railings stood tall Life Guards keeping
off the mere peaple who had gathered to
watch the nobility clatter up. Lord Clin-
cham began to bow right and left raising
his cocked hat to his friends. There was
a lot of laughter and friendly words as the
cab finally drew up at the front door. Two
tall life guards whisked open the doors and
one of them kindly tipped the cabman.
Mr Salteena followed his lordship up the
grand steps trying to feel as homely as he
could. Then a splendid looking fellow in a
red tunick and a sort of black velvit tarn a
[66]
HIGH LIFE
ehanter stepped forward from the throng
shouting what name please.
The Earl of Clincham and Lord Hyssops
calmly replied the earl gently nudging Mr
Salteena to act up. Mr Salteena nodded
and blinked at the menial as much as to say
all is well and then he and the earl hung
up their cocked hats on two pegs. This way
cried a deep voice and another menial
apeared wearing stiff white britches top
boots and a green velvit coat with a leather
belt also a very shiny top hat. They fol-
lowed this fellow down countless corridoora
and finally came to big folding doors. The
earl twiddled his mustache and slapped his
leg with his white glove as calmly as could
be. Mr Salteena purspired rarther hard and
gave a hitch to his garters to make sure.
Then the portles divided and their names
were shouted in chorus by countless domes-
ticks. The sumshious room was packed
with men of a noble nature dressed like the
earl in satin knickerboccers etc and with
[67]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
ladies of every hue with long trains and
jewels by the dozen. You could hardly
moove in the gay throng. Dukes were as
nought as there were a good lot of princes
and Arch Dukes as it was a very superier
levie indeed. The earl and Mr Salteena
struggled through the crowd till they came
to a platform draped with white velvit.
Here on a golden chair was seated the
prince of Wales in a lovely ermine cloak
and a small but costly crown. He was chat-
ting quite genially with some of the crowd.
Up clambered the earl followed at top
speed by Mr Salteena.
Hullo Clincham cried the Prince quite
homely and not at all grand so glad you
turned up — quite a squash eh.
A bit over powering your Highness said
the earl who was quite used to all this may
I introduce my friend Lord Hyssops he is
staying with me so I thought I would bring
him along if you dont mind Prince.
Not at all cried the genial prince looking
[68]
HIGH LIFE
rarther supprised. Mr Salteena bowed so
low he nearly fell off the platform and as
the prince put out a hand Mr Salteena
thought he had better kiss it. The Prince
smiled kindly I am pleased to see you Lord
Hyssops he said in a regal voice.
Then the Earl chipped in and how is the
dear Queen he said reveruntly.
Not up to much said his Highness she
feels the heat poor soul and he waved to a
placard which said in large letters The
Queen is indisposed.
Presently his Highness rose I think I
will have a quiet glass of champaigne he
said you come too Clincham and bring your
friend the Diplomats are arriving and I am
not much in the mood for deep talk I have
already signed a dozen documents so I have
done my duty.
They all went out by a private door and
found themselves in a smaller but gorgous
room. The Prince tapped on the table and
instantly two menials in red tunics ap-
[69]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
peared. Bring three glasses of champaigne
commanded the prince and some ices he
added majestikally. The goods appeared as
if by majic and the prince drew out a cigar
case and passed it round.
One grows weary of Court Life he re-
marked.
Ah yes agreed the earl.
It upsets me said the prince lapping up
his strawberry ice all I want is peace and
quiut and a little fun and here I am tied
down to this life he said taking off his
crown being royal has many painfull draw-
backs.
True mused the Earl.
Silence fell and the strains of the band
could be heard from the next room. Sud-
denly the prince gazed at Mr Salteena.
Who did you say you were he asked in a
puzzled tone.
Lord Hyssops responded our hero grow-
ing purple at the lie.
Well you are not a bit like the Lord
[70]
HIGH LIFE
Hyssops I know replied the Prince could
you explain matters.
Mr Salteena gazed helplessly at the earl
who had grown very pale and seemed lost
for the moment. However he quickly re-
covered.
He is quite alright really Prince he said
His mother was called Miss Hyssops of the
Glen.
Indeed said his royal Highness that
sounds correct but who was your father eh.
Then Mr Salteena thourght he would not
tell a lie so in trembly tones he muttered
My poor father was but a butcher your
Highness a very honest one I may add and
passing rich he was called Domonic Sal-
teena and my name is Alfred Salteena.
The Prince stroked his yellow beard and
rarther admired Mr Salteena for his truth-
ful utterance — Oh I see he said well why
did you palm off on my menials as Lord
Hyssops eh
Mr Salteena wiped his swetting brow but
[71]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
the earl came to the rescue nobly. My
fault entirely Prince he chimed in, as I was
bringing him to this very supearier levie I
thought it would be better to say he was
of noble birth have I offended your Royal
dignity.
Not much said the prince it was a laud-
ible notion and perhaps I wTill ask Mr Sal-
teena to one of my big balls some day.
Oh your Highness gasped our hero falling
on one knee that would indeed be a treat.
I suppose Prince you have not got a job
going at this palace for my friend asked the
earl you see I am rubbing him up in socierty
ways and he fancies court life as a profes-
shon.
Oh dose he said the prince blinking his
eyes well I might see.
I suggested if there was a vacency going
he might try cantering after the royal ba-
rouche said the earl.
So he might said the prince I will speak
[72]
HIGH LIFE
to the prime Minister about it and let you
know.
Ten thousand thanks cried Mr Salteena
bowing low.
Well now I must get along back to the
levie announced the prince putting on his
crown I have booked a valse with the Arch
duchess of Greenwich and this is her fa-
vorite tune. So saying they issued back to
the big room where the nobility were whirl-
ing gaily roand the more searious peaple
such as the prime minister and the admirals
etc were eating ices and talking passionate-
ly about the laws in a low undertone.
The earl was soon mingling gaily in a set
of lancers but Mr Salteena dare not because
of his trousers. However he sat on a velvit
chair and quite enjoyed over hearing the
intelligent conversation of the prime min-
ister. And now we will leave our hero en-
joying his glimpse of high life and return
to Ethel Monticue.
[73]
CHAPTER 7
BERNARDS IDEAE
AFTER Mr Salteena had departed Bernard
Clark thourght he would show Ethel over
his house so they spent a merry morning so
doing. Ethel passed bright remarks on all
the rooms and Bernard thourght she was
most pretty and Ethel began to be a bit
excited. After a lovly lunch they sat in the
gloomy hall and Ethel began to feel very
glad Mr Salteena was not there. Suddenly
Bernard lit his pipe I was thinking he said
passionately what about going up to Lon-
don for a weeks Gaierty.
Who inquired Ethel in a low tone.
You and me said Bernard I know of sev-
eral splendid hotels and we could go to
theaters and parties and enjoy ourselves to
the full.
[74]
BERNARDS IDEAR
So we could what an idear cried Ethel.
So the merry plan was all arranged and
they spent the afternoon in packing there
trunks. Next day they were all ready in
the hall when the handsome viacle once
more clattered up. Ethel had on her blue
velvit get up and a sweet new hat and
plenty of ruge on her face and looked quite
a seemly counterpart for Bernard who was
arrayed in a white and shiny mackintosh
top boots and a well brushed top hat tied
on to him with a bit of black elastick.
Well goodbye Minnit he cried to the
somber butler take care of your gout and
the silver and I will pay your wages when
I come back.
Thankyou kindly sir murmured Minnit
when may I expect your return.
Oh well I will wire he said and dashed
doun the steps.
Ethel followed with small lady like steps
having bo^ed perlitely to Minnit who closed
his eyes in acknowlegment of her kindness.
[75]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
The sun was shining and Ethel had the
feeling of going to a very jolly party and
felt so sorry for all the passers by who were
not going to London with Bernard.
Arrived in the gay city Bernard hailed a
cab to the manner born and got in followed
by Ethel. Kindly drive us to the Gaierty
Hotel he cried in a firm tone. The cabman
waved his whip and off they dashed.
We shall be highly comfortable and select
at the Gaierty said Bernard and he thourght
to himself how lovly it would be if he was
married to Ethel. He blushed a deep shade
at his own thourghts and gave a side long
glance at Ethel who was gazing out of the
window. Well one never knows he mur-
merd to himself and as one of the poets says
great events from trivil causes springs.
Just then they stopped at the gay hotel
and Ethel was spellbound at the size of the
big hall — Bernard poked his head into the
window of the pay desk. Have you a coup-
[76]
BERNARDS IDEAR
pie of bedrooms for self and young lady he
enquired in a lordly way.
A very handsome lady with golden hair
and a lace apron glanced at a book and
hastilly replied Oh yes sir two beauties on
the 1st floor number 9 and 10.
Thankyou said Bernard we will go up if
you have no objection.
None whatever sir said the genial lady
the beds are well aired and the view is quite
pleasant.
Come along Ethel cried Bernard this
sounds alright eh.
Oh quite said Ethel with a beaming smile.
They went upstairs and entered number
9 a very fine compartment with a large
douny bed and white doors with glass han-
dles leading into number 10 an equally
dainty room but a trifle smaller.
Which will you have Ethel asked Ber-
nard.
Oh well I would rarther you settled it
[77]
THE YOUNG VISITORS
said Ethel. I am willing to abide by your
choice.
The best shall be yours then said Bernard
bowing gallantly and pointing to the biggest
room.
Ethel blushed at his speaking look. I
shall be quite lost in that huge bed she
added to hide her embarassment.
Yes I expect you will said Bernard and
now what about a little table d'ote followed
by a theater.
Oh yes cried Ethel and downstairs they
went.
[78]
CHAPTER 8
A GAY CALL
I TELL you what Ethel said Bernard Clark
about a week later we might go and pay a
call on my pal the Earl of Clincham.
Oh do lets cried Ethel who was game for
any new adventure I would dearly love to
meet his lordship.
Bernard gave a frown of jellousy at her
rarther mere words.
Well dress in your best he muttered.
Ethel skipped into her bedroom and ar-
rayd herself in a grass green muslin of de-
cent cut a lace scarf long faun colored kid
gloves and a muslin hat to correspond. She
carried a parasole in one hand also a green
silk bag containing a few stray hair pins a
clean handkerchief five shillings and a pot
of ruge in case. She looked a dainty vishen
[79]
THE YOUNG VISITBRS
with her fair hair waving in the breeze
and Bernard bit his lips rarther hard for
he could hardly contain himself and felt he
must marry Ethel soon. He looked a hand-
some sight himself in some exquisite white
trousers with a silk shirt and a pale blue
blazer belt and cap. He wore this in honour
of the earl who had been to Cambridge in
his youth and so had Bernard Clark.
At last they found themselves in the en-
trance hall of the Crystals palace and
speedily made their way to the privite com-
partments. Edward Procurio was walking
up and down the passage looking dark and
mystearious as usual.
Is His Lordship at home cried Bernard
Clark cheerily.
Which one asked Procurio many lords
live here he said scornfully.
Well I mean the Earl of Clincham said
Bernard.
Oh yes he is in responded Procurio and
to the best of my belief giving a party.
[80]
A GAY CALL
Indeed ejaculated Bernard we have come
in the nick of time Ethel he added. Yes
said Ethel in an excited tone.
Then they pealed on the bell and the
door flew open. Sounds of laughter and
comic songs issued from the abode and in a
second they were in the crowded drawing
room. It was packed with all the Elite and
a stout duchess with a good natured face
was singing a lively song and causing much
merriment. The earl strode forward at
sight of two new comers. Hullo Bernard
old boy he cried this is a pleasure and who
have you got with you he added glancing
at Ethel.
Oh this is Miss Monticue said Bernard
shall I introduce you
If you will be so good said the Earl in an
affable tone and Bernard hastily performed
the right. Ethel began a bright conversa-
tiun while Bernard stroled off to see if he
could find any friends amid the throng.
[81]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
What pleasant compartments you have
cried Ethel in rarther a socierty tone.
Fairly so so responded the Earl do you
live in London he added in a loud tone as
someone was playing a very difficult peice
on the piano.
Well no I dont said Ethel my home is
really in Northumberland but I am at pres-
ent stopping with Mr Clark at the Gaierty
Hotel she continud in a somewhat showing
off tone.
Oh I see said the earl well shall I intro-
duce you to a few of my friends.
Of please do said Ethel with a dainty
blow at her nose.
The earl disserppeard into the madding
crowd and presently came back with a mid-
dle aged gentleman. This is Lord Hyssops
he said my friend Miss Monticue he added
genially.
Ethel turned a dull yellaw. Lord Hys-
sops she said in a faint voice why it is Mr
Salteena I know him well.
[82]
A GAY CALL
Hush cried the Earl it is a title bestowd
recently by my friend the Prince of Wales.
Yes indeed murmered Mr Salteena deeply
flabbergasted by the ready wit of the earl.
Oh indeed said Ethel in a peevish tone
well how do you come to be here.
I am stopping with his Lordship said Mr
Salteena and have a set of compartments in
the basement so there.
I dont care said huffy Ethel I am in hand-
some rooms at the Gaierty.
Nothing could be nicer I am sure struck
in the earl what do you say Hyssops eh.
Doubtless it is charming said Mr Salteena
who was wanting peace tell me Ethel how
did you leave Bernard.
I have not left him said Ethel in an an-
noying voice I am stopping with him at the
gaierty and we have been to lots of the-
aters and dances.
Well I am glad you are enjoying yourself
said Mr Salteena kindly you had been look-
ing pale of late.
THE YOUNG VISITEES
No wonder in your stuffy domain cried
Ethel well have you got any more friends
she added turning to the earl.
Well I will see said the obliging earl and
he once more disapeared.
I dont know why you should turn against
me Ethel said Mr Salteena in a low tone.
Ethel patted her hair and looked very
sneery. Well I call it very mystearious
you going off and getting a title said Ethel
and I think our friendship had better stop
as no doubt you will soon be marrying a
duchess or something.
Not at all said Mr Salteena you must
know Ethel he said blushing a deep red I
always wished to marry you some fine day.
This is news to me cried Ethel still pee-
vish.
But not to me murmered Mr Salteena
and his voice trembled in his chest. I may
add that I have always loved you and now
I seem to do so madly he added passion-
ately.
[84]
A GAY CALL
But I dont love you responded Ethel.
But if you married me you might get to
said Mr Salteena.
I think not replied Ethel and all the same
it is very kind of you to ask me and she
smiled more nicely at him.
This is agony cried Mr Salteena clutching
hold of a table my life will be sour grapes
and ashes without you.
Be a man said Ethel in a gentle whisper
and I shall always think of you in a warm
manner.
Well half a loaf is better than no bread
responded Mr Salteena in a gloomy voice
and just then the earl reappeard with a very
brisk lady in a tight silk dress whose name
was called Lady Gay Finchling and her
husband was a General but had been dead
a few years. So this is Miss Monticue she
began in a rarther high voice. Oh yes said
Ethel and Mr Salteena wiped the foaming
dew from his forehead. Little did Lady
[85]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
Gay Finchling guess she had just disturbed
a proposal of marrage.
The Earl chimed into the conversation
now and again and Lady Gay Finchling told
several rarther witty stories to enliven the
party. Then Bernard Clark came up and
said they had better be going.
Well goodbye Clincham he said I must
say I have enjoyed this party most re-
chauffie I call it dont you Ethel.
Most cried Ethel I suppose you often
come she added in a tone of envy to Lady
Gay Finchling.
Pretty often said Lady G. F. well goodbye
as I see you are in a hurry to be off and
she dashed off towards the refreshment
place.
Goodbye Ethel said poor Mr Salteena in
a spasam and he seized hold of her hand
you will one day rue your wicked words
farewell he repeated emphatically.
Oh well goodbye said Ethel in a vage
tone and then turning to the earl she said
[86]
A GAY CALL
I have enjoyed myself very much thankyou.
Please dont mention it cried the earl well
goodbye Bernard he added I shall look you
up some day at your hotel.
Yes do muttered Bernard always welcome
Clincham old boy he added placing his blue
crickit cap on his head and so saying he
and Ethel left the gay scene and once more
oozed fourth into the streets of London.
[87]
CHAPTER 9
A PROPOSALS
NEXT morning while imbibing his morning
tea beneath his pink silken quilt Bernard
decided he must marry Ethel with no more
delay. I love the girl he said to himself
and she must be mine but I somehow feel I
can not propose in London it would not be
seemly in the city of London. We must go
for a day in the country and when surround-
ed by the gay twittering of the birds and
the smell of the cows I will lay my suit at
her feet and he waved his arm wildly at the
gay thought. Then he sprang from bed and
gave a rat tat at Ethels door.
Are you up my dear he called.
Well not quite said Ethel hastilly jump-
ing from her downy nest.
Be quick cried Bernard I have a plan to
[88]
A PROPOSALS
spend a day near Windsor Castle and we
will take our lunch and spend a happy day.
Oh Hurrah shouted Ethel I shall soon be
ready as I had my bath last night so wont
wash very much now.
No dont said Bernard and added in a
rarther fervent tone through the chink of
the door you are fresher than the rose my
dear no soap could make you fairer.
Then he dashed off very embarrased to
dress. Ethel blushed and felt a bit excited
as she heard the words and she put on a
new white muslin dress in a fit of higli
spirits. She looked very beautifull with
some red roses in her hat and the dainty
red ruge in her cheeks looked quite the
thing. Bernard heaved a sigh and his eyes
flashed as he beheld her and Ethel thorght
to herself what a fine type of manhood he
reprisented with his nice thin legs in pale
broun trousers and well fitting spats and a
red rose in his button hole and rarther a
sporting cap which gave him a great air
[89]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
with its quaint check and little flaps to pull
down if necesarry. Off they started the
envy of all the waiters.
They arrived at Windsor very hot from
the jorney and Bernard at once hired a boat
to row his beloved up the river. Ethel
could not row but she much enjoyed seeing
the tough sunburnt arms of Bernard tug-
ging at the oars as she lay among the rich
cushons of the dainty boat. She had a
rarther lazy nature but Bernard did not
know of this. However he soon got dog
tired and sugested lunch by the mossy bank.
Oh yes said Ethel quickly opening the
sparkling champaigne.
Dont spill any cried Bernard as he carved
some chicken.
They eat and drank deeply of the charm-
ing viands ending up with merangs and
choclates.
Let us now bask under the spreading
trees said Bernard in a passiunate tone.
Oh yes lets said Ethel and she opened her
[90]
A PROPOSALS
dainty parasole and sank down upon the
long green grass. She closed her eyes bnt
she was far from asleep. Bernard sat be-
side her in profound silence gazing at her
pink face and long wavy eye lashes. He
puffed at his pipe for some moments while
the larks gaily caroled in the blue sky.
Then he edged a trifle closer to Ethels form.
Ethel he murmured in a trembly voice.
Oh what is it said Ethel hastily sitting
up.
Words fail me ejaculated Bernard horsly
my passion for you is intense he added fer-
vently. It has grown day and night since I
first beheld you.
Oh said Ethel in supprise I am not pre-
pared for this and she lent back against the
trunk of the tree.
Bernard placed one arm tightly round
her. When will you marry me Ethel he ut-
tered you must be my wife it has come to
that I love you so intensly that if you say
no I shall perforce dash my body to the
[91]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
brink of yon muddy river he panted wildly.
Oh dont do that implored Ethel breathing
rarther hard.
Then say you love me he cried.
Oh Bernard she sighed fervently I cer-
tinly love you madly you are to me like a
Heathen god she cried looking at his manly
form and handsome flashing face I will in-
deed marry you.
How soon gasped Bernard gazing at her
intensly.
As soon as possible said Ethel gently
closing her eyes.
My Darling whispered Bernard and he
seiezed her in his arms we will be marrid
next week.
Oh Bernard muttered Ethel this is so
sudden.
No no cried Bernard and taking the bull
by both horns he kissed her violently on her
dainty face. My bride to be he munnered
several times.
[92]
A PROPOSALE
Ethel trembled with joy as she heard the
mistick words.
Oh Bernard she said little did I ever
dream of such as this and she suddenly
fainted into his out stretched arms.
Oh I say gasped Bernard and laying the
dainty burden on the grass he dashed to the
waters edge and got a cup full of the fra^
grant river to pour on his true loves pallid
brow.
She soon came to and looked up with a
sickly smile Take me back to the Gaierty
hotel she whispered faintly.
With plesure my darling said Bernard I
will just pack up our viands ere I unloose
the boat.
Ethel felt better after a few drops of
champagne and began to tidy her hair while
Bernard packed the remains of the food.
Then arm in arm they tottered to the boat.
I trust you have not got an illness my
darling murmured Bernard as he helped
her in.
[93]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
Oh no I am very strong said Ethel I
fainted from joy she added to explain mat-
ters.
Oh I see said Bernard handing her a
cushon well some people do he added kindly
and so saying they rowed down the dark
stream now flowing silently beneath a gold-
en moon. All was silent as the lovers glided
home with joy in their hearts and radiunce
on their faces only the sound of the mys-
tearions water lapping against the frail
vessel broke the monotony of the night.
So I will end my chapter.
[94]
CHAPTER 10
PREPARING FOR THE FRAY
THE next few days were indeed bussy for
Ethel and Bernard. First of all Ethel got
some dainty pink note paper with silver
crest on it and sent out invitations in the
following terms to all their frends.
Miss Ethel Monticue will be married to
Mr Bernard Clark at Westminster Abbey
on June 10th. Your company is request-
ed there at 2-30 sharp and afterwards
for refreshment at the Gaierty Hotel.
R.S.V.P.
Having posted heaps of these and got sev-
eral replies Ethel began to order her wed-
ding dress which cost a good bit. She chose
a rich satin with a humped pattern of gold
on the pure white and it had a long train
[95]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
edged with Airum lilies. Her veil was of
pure lace with a crown of orange blossum.
Her bouquett she ordered to be of white
dog daisies St. Joseph lilies and orange
blossums tied up with pale blue satin rib-
bon.
You will indeed be a charming spectacle
my darling gasped Bernard as they left the
shop. Then they drove to the tailor where
Bernard ordered an elligant black suit with
coat tails lined with crimson satin and a
pale lavender tie and an opera hat of the
same hue and he intended to wear violets in
his buttonholes also his best white spats
diamond studs and a few extras of costly
air. They both ordered a lot of new clothes
besides and Bernard gave Ethel a very huge
tara made of rubies and diamonds also two
rich bracelets and Ethel gave him a bran
new trunk of shiny green leather. The earl
of Clincham sent a charming gift of some
hem stitched sheets edged with real lace and
a photo of himself in a striking attitude.
[96]
PREPARING FOR THE FRAY
Mr Salteena sent Ethel a bible with a few
pious words of advice and regret and he
sent Bernard a very handy little camp stool.
Ethels parents were too poor to come so
far but her Mother sent her a gold watch
which did not go but had been some years
in the family and her father provided a
cheque for £2 and promised to send her a
darling little baby calf when ready. Then
they ordered the most splendid refresh-
ments they had tea and coffie and sparkling
wines to drink also a lovly wedding cake of
great height with a sugar angel at the top
holding a sword made of almond paste.
They had countless cakes besides also ices
jelly merangs jam tarts with plenty of jam
on each some cold tongue some ham with
salid and a pig's head done up in a won-
drous manner. Ethel could hardly contain
herself as she gazed at the sumpshious re-
past and Bernard gave her a glass of rich
wine while he imbibed some whiskey before
going to bed. Ethel got speedilly into her
[97]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
bed for the last time at the dear old Gaierty
and shed a few salt tears thinking of her
past life but she quickly cheerd up and be-
gan to plan about how many children she
would have. I hope I shall have a good lot
she thourght to herself and so saying fell
into repose.
[98]
CHAPTER 11
THE WEDDING
THE Abbey was indeed thronged next day
when Ethel and Bernard cantered up in a
very fine carrage drawn by two prancing
steeds who foamed a good deal. In the
porch stood several clean altar boys who
conducted the lucky pair up the aile while
the organ pealed a merry blast. The mighty
edifice was packed and seated in the front
row was the Earl of Clincham looking very
brisk as he was going to give Ethel away at
the correct moment. Beside him sat Mr
Salteena all in black and looking bitterly
sad and he ground his teeth as Ethel came
marching up. There were some merry
hymns and as soon as Ethel and Bernard
were one the clergyman began a sermon
about Adam and Eve and the serpent and
[99]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
Mr Salteena cried into his large handker-
chief and the earl kept on nudging him as
his sniffs were rarther loud. Then the wed-
ding march pealed fourth and doun the
church stepped Ethel and Bernard as hus-
band and wife. Into the cab they got and
speedelly dashed off to the Gaierty. The
wedding refreshments were indeed a treat
to all and even Mr Salteena cheered up
when he beheld the wedding cake and spar-
kling wines. Then the earl got up and made
a very fine speech about marrage vows and
bliss and he quoted several good bits from
the bible which got a lot of applause. Ber-
nard replied in good round terms. I thank
your lordship for those kind remarks he said
in clear tones I expect we shall be as happy
as a lark and I hope you will all be ditto
some day. Here Here muttered a stray lady
in the crowd and down sat Bernard while
Ethel went up to change her wedding gar-
ment for a choice pink velvit dress with a
goldeji gurdle and a very chick tocque. Ber-
[100]
THE WEDDING
nard also put on a new suit of blue stripe
and some silk socks and clean under cloth-
ing. Hurah hurah shouted the guests as
the pair reappeard in the aforesaid get ups.
Then everybody got a bag of rice and
sprinkled on the pair and Mr Salteena sadly
threw a white tennis shoe at them wiping
his eyes the while. Off drove the happy pair
and the guests finished up the food. The
happy pair went to Egypt for there Hony-
moon as they thought it would be a nice
warm spot and they had never seen the
wondrous land. Ethel was a bit sick on the
boat but Bernard braved the storm in man-
ly style. However Ethel had recovered by
the time they got to Egypt and here we
will leave them for a merry six weeks of
bliss while we return to England.
CHAPTER 12
HOW IT ENDED
MR SALTEENA by the aid of the earl and the
kindness of the Prince of Wales managed to
get the job his soul craved and any day
might be seen in Hyde park or Pickadilly
galloping madly after the Royal Carrage in
a smart suit of green velvit with knicker-
bockers compleat. At first he was rarther
terrified as he was not used to riding and
he found his horse bumped him a good deal
and he had to cling on desperatly to its
flowing main. At other times the horse
would stop dead and Mr Salteena would use
his spurs and bad languige with no avail.
But he soon got more used to his fresh and
sultry steed and His Royal Highness seemed
satisfide.
The Earl continued his merry life at the
[102]
HOW IT ENDED
Compartments till finally he fell in love
with one of the noble ladies who haunted
them. She was not so pretty as Ethel as
she had rarther a bulgy figure and brown
eyes but she had lovely raven tresses a
pointed nose and a rose like complexion of
a dainty hue. She had very nice feet and
plenty of money. Her name was called
Lady Helena Herring and her age was 25
and she mated well with the earl.
Mr Salteena grew very lonely after the
earl was marrid and he could not bear a
single life any more so failing Ethel he
marrid one of the maids in waiting at Buck-
ingham palace by name Bessie Topp a pies-
ant girl of 18 with a round red face and
rarther stary eyes.
So now that all our friends are marrid I
will add a few words about their familys,
Ethel and Bernard returned from their
Honymoon with a son and hair a nice fat
baby called Ignatius Bernard. They soon
[103]
THE YOUNG VISITERS
had six more children four boys and three
girls and some of them were twins which
was very exciting.
The Earl only got two rarther sickly girls
called Helen and Marie because the last one
looked slightly french.
Mr Salteena had a large family of 10 five
of each but he grew very morose as the
years rolled by and his little cottage was
very noisy and his wife was a bit annoying
at times especially when he took to dream-
ing of Ethel and wishing he could have mar-
rid her. Still he was a pius man in his way
and found relief in prayer.
Bernard Clark was the happiest of our
friends as he loved Ethel to the bitter end
and so did she him and they had a nice
house too.
The Earl soon got tired of his sickly
daughters and his wife had a savage temper
so he thourght he would divorce her and
try again but he gave up the idear after
[104]
HOW IT ENDED
several attempts and decided to offer it up
as a Mortification.
So now my readers we will say farewell
to the characters in this book.
The End
by Daisy Ashford
[105]
This book is DUE on the last date stamped below
JUL 1 2 1937' |!IAY 28
2 6 199?/.
JUL 28 1941
AUa 1 1941
NOV 2
WOV 1
AR 4 1947)S
APR 2 4 1w
AU610I972
ID
JAN3.M975
OCT 2 0 1951 1
NOV13f95f<
DEC 7 1951
DEC 20 1951 j
'orm L-9-35m-8,'28
79
3 1158 00424 2797
A 001 278574 7
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