The Dennis O'Keeffe Show, starring Dennis O'Keeffe.
In all around town.
Also starring Hope Emerson, Ricky Kelman, Eloise Hart, Eddie Ryder.
Brought to you by Oldsmobile.
In behalf of your local authorized Oldsmobile quality dealer.
This arithmetic homework shouldn't take too long, Irving.
Statistics show that if the American child spent as much time studying nutrition as he
did arithmetic, we'd be a much healthier nation.
Okay, Irving.
We'll work by the cookie jar and it'll solve both problems.
Wow, did you see those dimples?
If you're out of cookies, I'll settle for some devil's food cake.
Irving, how can you think of devil's food cake when a little angel just walked by?
Can I hope it if my appetite's maturing faster than the rest of me?
Hello, Sarge.
Well, well, well.
Mr. Gallop and Mr. Town.
How's my favorite cookie baker?
Flattery will get your sweet tooth nowhere.
What's the matter with him?
He saw a girl.
Oh, congratulations, Bo Brummel.
She was a blonde with big blue eyes and dimples that just wouldn't quit.
What's that about a blonde with big blue eyes?
Mr. Town, she was only nine.
Nine?
Oh, I guess that's a little young for me, huh?
Perhaps now, but in 20 years, she'll be 29 and you'll be 65.
62?
And statistics prove that when a man of 62 looks at a woman of 29, he doesn't say, too
young for me.
Thank you, Mr. Gallop.
Well, I'm going out to the club to take a steam, Sarge.
I'll be back before dinner.
All right, Henry.
Yoo-hoo, wait for me.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
I always like to travel with a lovely lady.
Oh.
She must have just moved in.
Hey, Sarge, do you know anything about that new little girl?
Not much.
She's staying with her grandmother.
I don't know the little girl's name, but her grandmother's name is Loretta Kimball.
She's a widow and she sees a lot of a man named Sylvester.
She's just taking care of the little girl while her parents are traveling in the Orient.
But why ask me?
I'm not Snoopy.
I sure wish I knew her name.
Should be Dimples.
Did you notice them?
I don't go for Dimples.
My sister's got them and I can't stand her.
How can I meet her?
A survey taken at a marriage license bureau proved that 32 and a half out of every hundred
couples met by one of them writing a note.
Yeah, a note.
Don't use notebook paper.
If you want to make an impression, use good stationery and type it.
Type it?
It's the little touches that score the big point.
Oh, yeah.
What do I say?
Here, let me write it for you.
I read it once that a guy said to my sister, he started, dear cuddles, dear stinker would
have been better.
Dear Dimples, from the moment I saw you this afternoon.
Here it is.
Kimber.
Oh, good.
Hope she picks it up today.
Well, come on.
Let's get back to our homework.
I feel a little weak.
Think there are any cookies left?
Oh, what a thing.
Guess that's all.
Isn't that your mailbox?
Yes, it is.
Who is he?
Oh, just a young man that lives down the hall.
Well, let him stay there.
Why, it's no best if you're jealous.
Oh, no, I'm not.
What does he say?
Loretta, you're blushing.
Indeed, I'm not.
Well, I've been going with you for over ten years and I never made you blush.
Now, what's in that note?
Really, Sylvester, you're acting like a child.
Yes, and you're acting like a schoolgirl.
Well, if that's the way you feel about it, you don't have to see me upstairs.
Susan, how old would you say your grandmother looked?
Well, my friends can't believe you're my grandmother.
Oh, bless your friends.
And to think you only saw me for a moment at the elevator this afternoon.
I never thought, oh, the great Hal Town, such a famous man.
Grandma, you're blushing.
Dear, listen to this.
Dear Dimples, and the girls thought I ought to have my face lifted.
And the moment I saw you this afternoon, I flipped.
Flipped, what does that mean?
You went into orbit.
Break it down for my generation.
Well, uh, he went gaga over you.
Really?
Well, that's as close as I can get to your generation.
And I thought my gaga days were a thing of the past.
If you feel the same way about me, let me know and I'll take it from there.
You're Secret and Mar and 12A.
How romantic.
Are you going to answer it?
Uh, Susan, when you reach autumn, you'll think rather fondly of spring.
Let's see.
Dear Mr. Town.
No, if he's going to be intriguing, so can I.
Dear Secret and Mar.
When I saw you, I not only flipped, I went into orbit.
Now please take it from there.
Signed Dimples.
Dimples?
You will don't look at me. I don't know any dimples.
I used to know a cuddles, but she couldn't write.
Well, anyone who would write a silly note like that isn't worth bothering about.
Yeah, it's a rib.
That's all there is. Somebody's ribbing me.
Well, I'm not going to fall for it.
Hi, Dad.
Eww. Oh, hi, Randy.
Why doesn't she answer my note?
She's had it a whole day.
Maybe you're just not her type.
Statistics prove the blondes hardly ever go for blondes.
My hair's light brown.
You're a borderline case.
Oh, it's a rib.
It's just got to...
Still, uh...
You'd think she'd answer my notes just out of curiosity.
A survey I took last Christmas in the fifth grade
proved that 46 out of 47 girls would rather have gifts than notes.
No kidding?
The 47th won't want her money.
Do you think I ought to send her some perfume?
Might be a smart investment.
I'll have to tap Dad for an advance.
No, it's a gag. That's all. It's just a gag.
Still on the other hand.
Might be that ballerina that I interviewed last week.
She had lovely... Oh, hi, son.
Dad, may I have an advance on next month's allowance?
Well, considering that I'm holding your birth certificate as security,
I guess you can. How much do you want?
Three dollars out of swing it.
Three dollars?
Well, for that amount, maybe I ought to ask what it's for.
Well, it's a present for a girl.
Present for...
Well, I guess that qualifies as a worthwhile cause.
There you are, Renny.
Thanks, Dad.
Girls sure can be problems.
Problems? Oh, you're telling me.
Listen, I got a problem with one right now that I don't even know.
You see, what she did was...
I'd like to discuss your problem with you, Dad,
but I've got to solve mine first.
Come on, Irving.
A rib. Nothing but a rib.
You know, you never can be sure about these things.
Do you mean to tell me that you're not the least bit curious
about who this mysterious bomb fatale is?
Oh, of course not. Why should I be?
Because you're a normal, red-blooded, egotistical male, that's why.
Oh, I'd better do less chatting and more chewing.
I've got a publicity layout to go over in 20 minutes.
Well, that's what you get for being a money-mad press agent.
You know, I'd sure like to know who this Dimples is.
I don't mind competition, but I hate sneaky competition.
Would you mind dropping the subject, Karen? I find it very boring.
Of course you do.
All for you, Mr. Towne.
Oh, thank you.
Hello, Hal Towne.
This is Dimples.
Dimples? Well, where are you?
Right here in the restaurant.
Here you are. Where?
Just a few feet away.
I'd come over, but I'm afraid that young lady with you might object.
Oh, excuse me just a moment, would you please?
I don't want to rush you, but didn't you say you had...
I know you hate to see me leave, but I am late for my appointment.
Don't get too bored.
Give my love to Dimples.
Well, Dimples, where are you? Where are you hiding?
I haven't got the nerve to tell you.
You haven't got the nerve to tell me?
Are you the shy type, huh?
Oh, I am? Am I?
Well, don't you think we ought to stop this foolishness and say maybe have dinner together tonight?
Oh, I'd love to.
You would?
I guess.
Well, supposing I pick you up then tonight, say around eight.
Oh, you better not come to my place.
I've got a very jealous boyfriend.
Yes, I imagine you have.
Why don't you call me around seven and we'll decide where to meet.
My number is circle 53599.
Circle 53599.
You know, Dimples, you and I have something in common.
I'm a circle too.
I'll be waiting for you. Bye.
All right, Frank, I'll be waiting.
Finished?
Just getting started.
You know, Tony, some guys have got it and some haven't.
Isn't this fun?
This one's on me. Call it seven.
A kook.
And then on top of that, I blew three bucks on perfume and she never even thanked me for it.
Buck up, Randy.
Even Willie Mays strikes out now and then.
I think I'll give up girls. Who needs them?
Oh, I know exactly how you feel, son.
Many's the time I've decided to declare a boycott on them myself.
Irving Gallop says if you've got a good mind, you wouldn't get mixed up with them in the first place.
Well, Irving is bitter.
We don't want to be out too late.
Gee, why not? There's no school tomorrow, so we can see it twice.
Only twice? Lucky me.
Good night.
Good night. Have fun.
Almost seven.
Almost seven. Almost seven.
I will dance tonight with heaven.
Hello.
This is... I mean Hal Town.
Hal, you've caught a cold.
Oh, no. Now, you see, I'm allergic to...
I'm very good at curing colds.
Would you like me to come over there and take care of yours?
Yeah, well, you see, you don't understand. What I happen...
You want to come...
Oh, I've got the worst cold that I ever had in my life. It's the worst by the minute.
I'll be right over.
Yeah, you do that, please. Please hurry.
Goodbye.
Oh, roses, I love you.
Good night.
Music to whisper sweet nothings bye.
Music for that certain mood.
And love songs for the young at heart.
There now.
Impossible. Couldn't be already.
Jet age or no jet age, it's impossible.
Hello.
Yeah, well, hello, but, well, Mrs. it's nice of you to drop in.
Let's see, where can I plug in this vaporizer?
Vaporizer? Vaporizer?
Well, what... what in the world do you want with a vaporizer?
I'm going to cure that nasty old cold of yours.
Well, how did you know about my cold? I just thought of it a minute.
I mean, Mrs. what is your name?
Loretta, but you keep right on calling me Diffos.
Halt to thee, blight spirit,
Where thou never worked, that from heaven or near it,
Horus thy full heart.
She had me under that steam machine for so long that I felt like Robert Fulton.
I don't understand. What gave her the idea you had a cold?
I had a cold. Oh, well, I'll explain it to you, Sarge, but it's very complicated.
All right, explain something else.
How did you become involved with Loretta Kimball in the first place?
It's a case of mistaken identity.
Somebody's been sending her love notes and perfume and she thought it was me.
Hey, Dad, how do you spell uncouth?
Uncouth, U-N-C-O-U-T-H.
C-O-U-T-H.
Now, who's uncouth?
You, girl, down the hall. I'm asking her to give my perfume back.
Attaboy.
Perfume?
Three bucks worth.
Dear dimples.
You mean you wrote that note and sent the perfume?
Don't rub it in.
Don't rub it in? I'd like to... Did you know what you've done?
Because of you, you caused me... She thinks that I sent... That's what happened.
I don't follow you, Dad.
I do.
And he's in a mess.
No, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. I'll just call up Loretta. That's all.
Explain the whole thing to her. I'll tell her that the reason I called her and talked to her in the restaurant the other day was that because she was... Oh, she'll never believe me.
You mean you cashed in on my perfume? You owe me three bucks.
I owe you three bucks?
I did the work.
Is Mr. Town in?
Which Mr. Town? We have to be sure these days.
Mr. Town, I'm Sylvester Barnes.
What can I do for you?
Well, I've come here to discuss a mutual friend.
Loretta Kimball.
Oh, oh, come on, Randy.
Howard.
You're a friend of Loretta's?
Yes, a close friend for over ten years.
I always imagined that one day Loretta and I would be married.
And then you came into the picture.
I realized that I can't compete with a younger man.
Ten years ago, I would have fought for the woman I love.
But now I...
Damn it, you see, there's nothing to fight about.
You're quite right.
Loretta has made her choice.
I hope you'll both be very happy.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Mr. Barnes.
Mr. Town, treat her kindly.
Yeah, but you can't walk out like this.
Good day, sir.
Come on.
We couldn't help overhearing, Henry.
That poor man.
You.
You and your mash notes.
Could I help it if my romance backfired on both of us?
Now, don't blame Randy.
Blame that giddy grandmother.
How could she break that poor man's heart?
And what does he mean he can't compete with a younger man?
You're not so young.
Compared to Mr. Barnes, I am.
Total trouble in this thing.
I'm too young.
Yeah.
Too young.
Henry, what are you thinking?
Oh, Mr. Barnes.
Well, well, good of you to come.
It was a big of you to invite me, Mr. Town.
Not at all.
Loretta, I didn't know that you were going to be here.
Hello, Sylvester.
You're looking well.
And you're as beautiful as ever.
Martini time.
Now, this is my sister Karen from Topeka.
Sister?
Younger sister.
I'm here visiting with Henry for a few days.
Yes.
Oh, Karen, this is Mrs. Loretta Kimball and Mr. Sylvester Barnes.
How do you do?
Well, we better drink these before they get soggy.
Here's one for you.
And you, Mr. Barnes?
No, no, no, no.
I don't think I should.
I, I...
Sylvester never drinks martinis.
They give him headaches.
Oh, come on, Mr. Barnes.
Live dangerously.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, goody, sauerkraut juice.
Sauerkraut juice?
Oh, that's all Henry ever drinks.
It's good for his dizzy spells.
Yes, clears them right up.
Well, here's one for you.
Oh, delicious.
Well, there's nothing like a martini.
Sylvester, you'll get a headache.
Oh, nonsense, my dear.
Nonsense.
Oh, I do admire you, Mr. Barnes.
My, you must be in excellent health.
Why, Mr. Barnes, I'm afraid you're giving Henry an inferiority complex.
Well, I, I don't mean to.
Well, you can't help it.
It's not your fault if you're so vigorous.
Sylvester, vigorous?
Mmm, and attractive.
Like most women, I have a weakness for older men.
Oh, really?
Hulley!
You have such wonderful rhythm, Sylvester.
I do?
Hulley!
Sylvester, I didn't know you could dance.
There were a lot of things you didn't know about me, Loretta.
Hal, are you sure you don't want to dance?
Oh, no, I never dance, Loretta.
You see, it's my fate.
Oh, something very interesting about them.
You see, the metatarsal joint is backwards.
Oh, that was such fun.
Yes, you know, I could dance all night.
I say, why don't we all go to the Club Caribe?
I hear they have a marvelous band there.
Oh, the Club Caribe?
Oh, I'm sorry, but you'll have to count me out.
You see, at 11 o'clock, I go in the whirlpool.
It's for my back.
Oh, he's such a party pooper.
Loretta, I'm not going to allow you to throw your life away
on this poor specimen of a man.
Yes, Sylvester, let's go.
Oh, but Loretta...
Don't bother getting up. You might strain something.
Come on, let's move.
Now, here's your wrap, my dear.
Come along.
Yeah, Sylvester.
Yeah, but Loretta...
Oh, don't go, don't go.
We were having such fun.
Fun?
Loretta, what about me?
Oh, go take another pill.
Now, you can't do this to me.
Loretta!
We did it, huh?
We certainly did, Henry.
And how do you like the way I convinced Sylvester
that he was a better man than I?
Well, you almost convinced me.
You were acting, weren't you?
You know darn well I was acting.
And did you have to put real sauerkraut juice
in the sauerkraut juice?
How about the martini cha-cha?
Oh, I like that.
Hello.
Hi.
Well, who are you?
Susan Kimball.
Susan Kim...
Loretta's granddaughter?
That was awfully nice, the way you brought Grandma
and Sylvester together again.
And clever, too.
Clever?
Well, Susan, I don't know what you're talking about.
And whatever it is, please don't tell your grandmother.
Well, I won't.
If you'll introduce me to that vassal son of yours.
I've been waiting for him to talk to me for days.
Lady, you have a deal.
May I escort you home?
The End