I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you
happy boys and honeys.
Yes boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly time.
And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness.
Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend
the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
Hello, willow willow.
Hello, willow willow.
Hello, willow willow.
Hello, willow willow.
Little Miss Honey, how are you today?
Oh, I'm so excited, I can just hardly wait.
Excited about what?
Can't you guess?
Why no, I have no idea at all.
Oh my, you grown-ups, Christmas is coming in one week.
Oh, that's right, jolly old St. Nicholas, little Jack Horner who pulled out a plum.
And jingle bells and presents and don't you just love it?
I certainly do, and I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful Christmas.
Oh, Christmas is wonderful, Ollie.
Yes, it is.
Just because it's Christmas.
That's so true.
Now, please read me the funny.
Puck the Comic Weekly. Very well, I will in just a moment, but before I do, let's listen to this nice man.
Now, here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly.
And on top of the first page...
Oh, that sweet little Snookums.
Oh, so it is, and I'll read that right away.
Magic wince for the music, please.
Very well, my lady.
Diddle-dee-dah, diddle-dee-doo, wicka-macka-mookums, let's have a little tune for little Snookums.
Archie is downtown with Snookums.
Archie turns his head, and a second later, Snookums is walking right out toward the street.
And Archie screeches, Snookums, come here.
How many times have I told you not to leave Papa's side?
Archie takes Snookums' hand, and they walk along a little further.
As they chat, Snookums pulls his hand away.
When Archie looks down, he sees that Snookums has disappeared again.
And last picture, top row, Archie sees him heading for the curb, and he screeches, Snookums, didn't I tell you not to leave my side?
And in this picture, bottom row, they come to a toy store, and the sign in the window reads,
Sales, Junior Cop Outfit.
And that gives Archie a bright idea.
And a second later, they're in the store, and Archie has bought the Junior Cop Outfit.
The salesman asks, Shall I wrap it up, sir?
And Archie replies, No, no, no, keep the box, I'll wear it.
And last picture of the row, Archie and Snookums are walking down the street.
Archie is wearing the Policeman's Star, carrying the club, and little Snookums is handcuffed to Archie.
Wasn't that clever? He handcuffs little Snookums to him so that he can't get away.
Yes, that was a very bright idea, and much safer.
Oh, I think it's fun playing cops that way.
Yes, but Snookums doesn't look as happy about that as I think he would.
I guess he's more curious about the things that he can see in the street.
I'm afraid so.
Well, at any rate, now Snookums won't get run over by a car.
No, and you should always be careful not to go in the street, especially when you're a little boy or a little girl.
Oh, I'm glad you told that to all of your friends who are listening.
I hope they mind me.
Oh, I'm sure they will.
Good.
Oh, over the page quick to Flash Gordon, because Flash is on a strange planet, and the Wizard, who doesn't like Flash, tried to get Flash killed dead, but Flash fooled him.
Yes, and now Flash is safe, but today the Wizard is going to make Dale go through her ordeal.
I think he's a cruel, mean thing. Please, read and let's see what's going to be and how it turns out.
All right, very well. Here we go with Flash Gordon.
Riga, riga, doon, doon, has him attached. Let's have music for heroic Flash.
Flash has come safely through his ordeal, but Dale has still to face hers.
Ignoring Flash's protests, Wizard Curzo sentences Dale to the ordeal of the mad fish.
All Queen Suni can do is to let Flash say farewell to Dale.
Armed only with a plastic dagger, Dale is forced to plunge into the ray-lighted pool where lurking perils await her.
Huge fish with sharp teeth rush at Dale and snap at her.
Flash takes her top row. Frenzied by the ray light, the mad fish attack Dale fiercely.
She fights back as best she can. Flash groans, oh, it's not fair. She hasn't a chance.
Then first picture bottom row. Flash snatches Suni's jewel dagger and dives to Dale's aid.
Curzo moves to interfere, but Queen Suni warns that Flash isn't breaking any of his laws,
that he never dreamed anyone would be devoted enough to risk sharing a victim's fate.
Not even the vicious mad fish can out-fight Flash when he's defending Dale.
And Dale does her full share, forgetting her own danger and her anxiety to keep harm from befalling Flash.
And together they drive off the mad fish.
As Flash and Dale climb out of the pool, last picture, Queen Suni tells Curzo there's nothing more he can do to them,
that they've survived their ordeals and that she's now going to take Flash and Dale back to the palace.
The wizard frowns and warns, it's your mistake.
And you'll answer to me if these intruders from space break our laws against metal.
Does he mean that if Flash were to try to make a metal ship so that he can get off the planet, that he will try to kill him again?
Yes.
Well, that means that Flash will just have to stay there forever and ever.
It certainly looks that way, unless he could build a plastic ship of some kind.
Oh, I hope he can. I hope he can.
Well, we'll find out more about that next week.
Oh, look, underneath Flash Gordon, there's Roy Rogers, the way up there in the front.
Why haven't you been so eager to read him that I thought I'd move him up here?
Goodie, let's see what new adventure Roy starts today.
All right, here we go with Roy Rogers.
Hi-yip-hi-o, now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Hi-yip-hi-o.
Roy gallops down the trail leading through the mountains on his way to an Indian reservation where he plans to sell some cattle.
He sees a fort along the road.
The fort has been deserted ever since the Indians made peace with the white men.
As Roy nears it, suddenly he hears a shot, and a boy and a pony gallops out of the fort curiously.
He hears the boy shout, last picture, top row.
Run, Clover, he's after us.
First picture, next row, there's another shot.
And a man and a horse gallops out of the fort chasing the boy, and he shouts,
Stop, you young scamp, I'll blast you out of the cell.
In a second, Roy has his lariette out, tears after the man who's firing at the boy.
He flips his lariette, and in a second, Roy has jerked the old man off the horse, last picture, the row.
The man snarls, and what's the idea, roping me, you crazy cowpoke?
Roy exclaims, the kid's horse stumbled, he'll be hurt.
So he gallops after the boy, first picture, bottom row.
The boy jumps to his feet and runs to the cliff.
Roy calls, hey, hey, don't run, I'm your friend, the boy cries, hey, leave me alone.
And then suddenly leaps over the cliff into the river below.
The boy jumps off trigger and runs to the edge of the cliff to look after the boy.
At this moment, the man who was chasing the boy has worked himself loose of the rope,
and has picked up a rifle, and is sneaking up behind Roy.
Roy says to himself, last picture, he can't fight those rapids, he'll drown.
Here, grab something and hang on, sonny, I'm coming.
Oh, is Roy going to jump into the river after the boy?
I'm afraid he is, because the water is extremely fast right there,
and he thinks it's too much for the boy.
Oh, this is terribly dangerous, because if Roy jumps into the water, he might be drowned.
And but still, if he doesn't, well, that mean man with the beard and the coonskin cap just might shoot him.
Yes, say, this is certainly an exciting beginning to this new adventure, isn't it?
Oh, I should say so.
And maybe next week Roy will work his way out of danger.
I hope so. Now, cross the page, please, to Dick's Adventures.
Such wonderful things are happening in Dick's Adventures,
because Dick is in the early days of America when this country was just beginning.
Yes, when it was struggling to gain its freedom from England.
And Dick has been dreaming that he's with George Washington.
So now let's see what adventure he has today.
Here we go with Dick's Adventures, and say the magic words with me.
Riggity-pockety-pockety-zick. Let's have music for Adventurous Dick.
In his dream, Dick finds himself back in 1776,
marching with the first American militia under General Washington.
The road leads out of Boston south toward New York,
now threatened with capture by the King's Redcoats.
It's a hot, dusty midsummer day.
Last picture top row, the men stop for a little rest.
As Dick stretches out on the ground, his comrade says,
Eh, fine armor we got. Not enough guns, not enough bullets.
Shucks, we ain't even told the kind we're free and independent.
Dick murmurs drowsily.
Oh, today's the Fourth of July. Independence Day.
I thought Thomas Jefferson in Philadelphia.
And Dick falls off asleep.
He dreams that he's walking down the streets of Philadelphia.
First picture next row, a man there selling newspapers says,
Newspaper, sir, the Philadelphia Gazette will account of the rebellion against the British.
Dick exclaims, Gosh, I must be in Philadelphia.
Oh, thanks. I'll take a paper.
The man goes on, Best newspaper in the colonies, corporal.
The editor is one of the finest writers, finest statesmen, finest scientists in the world.
One of the greatest American patriots.
Dick exclaims, Benjamin Franklin.
But I don't see anything about the Declaration of Independence.
And shouldn't the Liberty Bell be ringing?
Puzzle, the old man shakes his head.
Dick sees two men passing by across the street.
Last picture of the row, as Dick watches the two men walk rapidly into the printing shop.
The old man exclaims, Oh, it's Thomas Jefferson and John Adams.
They've been with Mr. Franklin for days.
Dick sees a sign atop the store. It reads, Philadelphia Gazette, Benjamin Franklin.
First picture, bottom row.
A few minutes later, the door of the printing shop abruptly opens.
And an elderly man peers out over his spectacles.
Spying Dick, he calls, Oh, come here, please.
The man selling newspapers says, Oh, it's Mr. Franklin.
Last picture, Dick exclaims softly, I wonder what he wants with me.
Oh, coming, sir.
Oh, Benjamin Franklin.
And he wants Dick, and now Dick's going into his place.
Yes.
Isn't it wonderful?
Dick is meeting all these famous, famous Americans.
Isn't this something, though?
Yes, and I know something else Benjamin Franklin did.
He invented the lightning rod.
Yes.
He invented it with the kite.
You remember well.
Yes, I do, do I?
Uh-huh. And now?
Oh, look, underneath Dick's adventure sheet,
there's a picture of the man selling newspapers.
And now? Oh, look, underneath Dick's adventures, Rusty Riley.
And I'll read that in just a moment, but first,
here's that man again with something interesting to say.
Now, here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly,
and on the bottom of page three of the first section,
with Rusty Riley.
Magic wits for the music, please.
Very well, my lady.
Gallop and run till the road is dusty.
And here's the music for his horse and Rusty.
Rusty and Patty had taken the boat out on the inlet to test it.
The motor died, and there, out on the open water,
the two were marooned.
Darkness fell, and a little later, the smugglers came toward them
and dropped anchor within speaking distance.
Rusty and Patty overheard the smugglers at their crooked business.
Then, a little later, Mr. Kilgore, the government treasury agent,
a man whose work is much like a detective,
came in the Coast Guard cruiser.
The Coast Guard men went aboard the smuggler's boat and searched it.
As Mr. Kilgore gets back into the Coast Guard cruiser,
one of the smugglers says,
Well, Mr. T-Man, are you satisfied we ain't breaking no laws?
Mr. Kilgore replies,
Yes, you seem to be clean.
Sorry we had to bother you, but you know how it is.
And the Coast Guard cruiser pulls away.
As the boat pulls away, one of the smugglers says to his pals,
Now, you should have chucked that black light gadget over the side.
We'd have had plenty of trouble trying to explain it.
Ah, he didn't say it. I had it stowed under a coil of rope in the chain locker.
At this moment, last picture top row,
on the Coast Guard cruiser, one of the men says to Mr. Kilgore,
Well, excuse me, Mr. Kilgore,
we just got a radio flash from the station.
A couple of kids are supposed to be out here on the inlet in a motorboat lost.
Mr. Kilgore says,
Well, okay, we'll play the searchlight around.
We should be able to pick them up.
And in a second, the searchlight picks out Rusty's boat.
They head for it as Rusty throws up his hands,
first picture bottom row calling,
Hey, help, over here!
The Coast Guard cruiser pulls up beside Rusty's boat.
Mr. Kilgore exclaims,
Well, by George, it's the youngsters from the miles place.
And a moment later, Rusty and Patty are in the Coast Guard cruiser on their way back to shore.
As they head back, Rusty tells Mr. Kilgore,
Yeah, we ran out of gas. We were just going to yell to that other boat
when we heard them talking about Captain Clune's lobster pots.
Patty tells him she thought that they were going to rob the lobster pots.
Mr. Kilgore says thoughtfully,
Say, maybe they are. Well, we'll keep an eye on them.
Later that night, as Rusty's getting ready for bed, he's talking to Tex.
Suddenly he says to Tex,
Hey Tex, what the dickens is a black light?
Tex replies thoughtfully,
Black light? By jingo, I was just reading something about that in the science magazine.
I can't just recollect, Rusty, but I'll give you the article. You can read it.
Oh goody, maybe next week we'll find out all about what that black light is.
Yes, maybe we will.
And maybe we'll find that it's a clue that will help Rusty catch the smugglers and then he will be a hero.
Yeah, maybe so.
Oh, I hope so. I hope so.
Good. Now...
Oh, now is the time for my funny, funny friend Dagg.
It is indeed. So let's pick up the first page of the second section of Fuck the Comic Weekly.
And here we go with Dagg, Wood and Blondie.
Ramaphoo, ramaphum, zim zam zombee. Come to me music for Dagg, Wood and Blondie.
Mr. Dithers is talking to his friend Donald, a very timid looking man.
Mr. Dithers is saying to Donald,
Ah, Donald, you should get married. You're missing so much.
And at the thought of getting married, Donald's eyes pop open.
Mr. Dithers takes him by the arm and says,
Ah, let me take you over to the Bumsteads and show you a happy man.
And even though Donald holds back, Mr. Dithers drags him over to the Bumsteads door.
Last picture top row, as they stand on the Bumsteads doorstep, Mr. Dithers says,
Here's his home, his own little castle. And he's treated like a king in there.
Donald looks very nervous.
Mr. Dithers rings the doorbell. First picture next row, it's opened by Blondie.
And Mr. Dithers points to Blondie saying,
Ah, and look at the beautiful little wife he has to greet him after a hard day's work.
Mr. Dithers takes Donald to the kitchen. He looks in the oven and says,
Yeah, look at the delicious dinners he has cooked for him.
Smell that apple pie for his dessert.
Donald licks his lips hungrily.
Last picture of the row, Mr. Dithers points out Alexander, Cookie, and the dogs,
quietly enjoying themselves. And he says,
And little children and pets to bring joy and comfort. Beautiful, isn't it?
And Donald holds his hat reverently in this one moment of peace and quiet,
which is the children's hour.
First picture next row, Mr. Dithers shows him through the living room.
And he says, And look, isn't this cute?
Little flowers and doilies all around to give the homey feeling.
That's the woman's touch.
And Mr. Dithers takes Donald upstairs and shows him Dagwood's bedroom and bureau
and says, Yeah, look, everything is done for him.
See how carefully she places his shirts and handkerchiefs in his bureau.
Donald's face lights up happily as he asks,
You mean he doesn't even have to rub out his own socks?
Next picture, Mr. Dithers points out Dagwood who was smoking his pipe in a comfortable chair,
reading a paper and he says, And there you see the contended husband with his pipe and slippers.
A happy man. And Donald says, If that settles it, I'm going to get married.
First picture bottom row, Donald says to himself thoughtfully,
Now, let's see, who shall I propose to? Rosemary? Victoria? Avera? Amree?
And Dagwood happens to see Mr. Dithers and he jumps out of his chair saying,
Oh, Mr. Dithers, may I speak to you a minute? May I borrow 50 cents until payday?
And Donald's eyes pop open in amazement and Mr. Dithers goes,
And last picture, Donald is tearing down the street with Mr. Dithers after him trying to catch him
and Dithers says, Now, money isn't everything, Donald.
And Donald yells, I know, but it's nice stuff to have in your pockets.
Isn't that funny? That silly man, he decides to get married until he found out that Dagwood didn't have any money.
Yes, well being married is expensive and a man has to work very hard to pay for his house and a car
and buy clothes for his wife and feed his children and buy clothes for the children.
And food for the dogs. Yes, yes. But even so, all the money in the world couldn't take the place of a lovely family and a lovely home.
Yes, because the home is so romantic.
Well, now, Oh, look, right here under Blondie is Donald Duckle, good for a chuckle.
And I know you want to read that. So here we go with Donald Duck. Say the magic words with me.
Squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, squeegee, let's have music to fit a quack quack.
Donald's girlfriend, Daisy, has asked Donald to come over to help her rearrange her furniture.
Donald comes in the door, second picture saying, Hi, toots, let's get started.
He rolls up his sleeves and Daisy tells him, Well, first, I want the davenport over there.
Donald flexes his muscles, glares at the sofa and gives it a push.
And it sails across the room. And one, two, three.
Donald has moved all of the furniture around.
He surveys the room proudly, last picture of the row saying, I'm a fast worker, toots.
And Daisy points to a big, squatty chair saying, Well, now I'd like that chair moved into the next room.
So Donald flexes his muscles, glares at the chair and starts pushing it toward the door.
Daisy asks, first picture, bottom row.
Hadn't you better tip it sideways? And Donald exclaims, It'll go through easy.
And he gives it a shove through the door. And the chair is stuck in the door.
Donald pushes and pushes.
But the chair won't move. Donald exclaims, Seems to be a tight squeeze.
So he goes around to the other room and tries to push it back.
But the chair won't move. Donald exclaims, Well, well, sort of seems slightly stuck.
Daisy says, Well, I can't wait any longer. I have shopping to do.
As she goes out the door, she tells him, And don't you dare go away and leave that blocking my doorway.
Donald replies cheerfully, Don't worry, Dutch. Your door won't be blocked when you get back.
Later in the afternoon, Daisy returns home after doing her shopping.
She walks into her living room and last picture sees the chair still stuck in the doorway.
But a ladder has been set up over it so she can climb up over the ladder on one side and down into the other room on the other side.
As Daisy stares at it, she feels just like this.
Wasn't that clever? Donald gets the chair stuck in the door and then when he can't get it out, he builds a ladder so that she has to go from one room to another on the ladder.
I think that's the funniest thing.
Donald has some funny ideas.
Yes, he certainly has.
Well, now shall we see what Prince Valiant is doing?
Oh yes, because he came to a strange castle and he asked if he could stay there overnight.
And then the next morning when he got up, the castle was being attacked and now Prince Valiant has to stay there and there's going to be a big battle.
So here we go, over to the last page to Prince Valiant and the days of King Arthur.
Hackett, Brackett, Graymalkin and Quince, music romantic for a fair fair prince.
Prince Valiant, Eagle, Rufus and Arf enjoy a night's lodging, but their awakening is rude.
Before they can leave, the castle is attacked.
Their host, the king of the castle, Reefooke, comes to Val buckling on his helmet and he tells him,
Your loss is my gain, for this is a fight to the finish and every fighting man is welcome.
Last picture top row, he points to the enemy outside the castle and Val sees in the distance the leader of the enemy, a tall fierce looking man, and Reef says,
He understands my enemy, Black Robert, a brave and ruthless captain. Only one of us can survive this battle.
First picture next row, Val and his friends tour the castle to become familiar with its defenses.
There was none of the confusion that usually attends preparations for an attack, where these two unyielding enemies have planned each other's downfall for many years.
Val watches as baskets of arrows are set up behind the parapets and workmen prepare the huge catapult.
Every precaution is taken to defend the castle.
Last picture of the row, we see the army outside the castle. They are preparing for the attack.
Foot soldiers surround the castle and later in the day the war engines, ram, ballista, mangonel, and catapult thunder into action against the main gate.
For two days, the stout iron studded gates withstand the terrible battering and then they splinter and fall.
But in the meantime, Sir Rea has sealed up the arch with masonry and first picture bottom row, the attackers find themselves face to face with a blank wall of stone.
Black Robert hurls one assault after another, probing, searching for a weak spot in the defenses.
He sends his men against the castle with scaling ladders, but as they climb up the ladders seeking to go into the castle, the ladders are pushed from the walls and his men are thrown back.
Last picture, Val's friend, Rea Fouke says, as he notices his enemies still trying and trying to break through,
our enemies show unexpected strength. A messenger must get through to ask my brothers for help.
Oh, do you think maybe Val will try to go through and carry the message?
I wouldn't be surprised if either Val or one of his friends did.
That would be exciting.
Yes, but dangerous too.
I can hardly wait to see what happens.
Oh, this is going to be a very busy week of waiting for you. Christmas and next week's comics?
Yes, and after you next week and then it will be Christmas and then too we'll see what happens in the bunnies.
Yes, we certainly will. And I hope that you and every other boy and girl has the most wonderful Christmas they ever had.
Yes, and I hope so too.
Well, now that's all the time I have. But before I go, here's that fellow with some more interesting information.
Well, honey and all you boys and girls, I've got to go now.
All right, Mr. Comic Beakly Man, but I'll be waiting for you next week.
Okay, that's a date and a date with all you boys and girls.
Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly.
For I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
I'll be back to read the bunnies to you happy boys and honeys.
Don't forget boys and girls, see you all next week.
Your friend the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.