I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys.
Yes, boys and girls, it's comic weekly time.
And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness.
Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room,
your friend the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man.
Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello.
Well, little miss honey, how are you today?
Today is the birthday of a very famous man. Fine, thank you. George Washington, the father of our country.
Yes, and our first president. And believe it or not, By Ripley, which is in this paper, has an interesting fact about George Washington.
Oh, what is it?
George Washington never shook hands with anyone during the entire two terms he served as president to the United States.
He didn't?
Nope. He believed that it was beneath the dignity of the president of this country to shake hands with other people.
Well, presidents aren't like that today. They shake hands, don't they?
Yes, they do.
Well, if presidents today shake hands with people, why do you suppose George Washington wouldn't do it?
Well, I'll tell you why. Remember, George Washington was the first president of this country.
And at that particular time, which was in the early days of America, almost all countries had kings.
Yes.
Well, kings didn't shake hands with people.
No, the people always bowed to the king.
That's right. So George Washington felt that even though he wasn't a king, the president of our country should have the same respect as a king.
Oh, I see. Well, that's different. It wasn't because he didn't want to shake hands with him.
No, it's just that because he was president, he thought he shouldn't shake hands.
Well, that's different. And that's very interesting.
Yes, yes, it is.
Now, will you please read me the funnies?
Puck the Comic Weekly?
Yes.
Very well. I'll read that in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man.
Now, here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly. And on the first page under bringing up father, Beatle Bailey.
Magic words for the music, please.
Very well, my lady.
Toot me a toot and tweet me a tweet. Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beetle.
Beetle and his soldier friend Killer, who loves the girls, are at a roller skating rink.
Killer says, hey, this should be a good place to meet girls.
Beetle says, just skate in the wrong direction and you'll meet plenty.
They skate past a very lovely blob.
As she goes by, Killer looks back over his shoulder.
Hey, she looks nice. And then...
Beetle looks over the wall at Killer and asks, did you hurt yourself, Killer?
Second picture, bottom row, Killer is back on the rink again.
The lovely blonde is asking to play Crack the Whip, a game where all the skaters line up and skate holding on to each other.
Killer is the last one in line. Faster and faster they go.
And then the lead man yells, here we go! Crack it!
He swings around and the line begins to swing out farther and farther.
And Killer, who's on the end, is swung around twice as fast as the rest.
And then the line is jerked to a stop and Killer has snapped loose.
He sails through the air upside down past Beetle who says, how you doing, Killer?
And out the window Killer goes.
Last picture, Beetle is standing outside the rink beside Killer who is lying on the ground without his shoes on.
Two men are going back into the skating rink carrying Killer's skates.
Killer groans, hey, it didn't have to get so rough.
Beetle says, when they thought you were trying to get away without returning your skates.
Wasn't that funny? Killer didn't know that they were playing Crack the Whip.
He was so busy talking to the lovely blonde.
Yes, and then when they cracked the whip he wasn't ready for it and he didn't hang on tight enough and away he went.
Oh, he certainly gets into more trouble.
Yes, he certainly gets into more trouble.
Well, now let's go over the page.
Oh, look, here's Prince Val and his little son Prince Arne. What's he doing?
Well, let's read and see what little Prince Arne is up to.
Here we go with Prince Val.
Heck and bracket, Grey Malkin and Quince, music romantic for a fair fair prince.
Today Val is so busy talking with Alita, his wife, that he's paying no attention to little Prince Arne.
And Prince Arne feels lonesome, so he decides to go on a great adventure.
Little Arne loads his pack with food for his long journey.
And then last picture top row awakens his pack of hunting dog.
An old, tired, scrubby looking creature who came from no one knows where and who isn't any particular family of dog.
In short, he's just plain dog.
And little Prince Arne, who has imagined him to be a very brave dog, has named him Sir Gawain.
Of course, since little Arne is a small chieft, there's the problem of getting out of the castle.
However, Arne, who knows all of the tricks of strategy becoming a great fighter, hides behind a post and throws a rock at the sentry.
When the sentry leaves his post to search for the unseen assailant,
little Arne, followed by his brave hunting dog, calmly walks out of the castle and across the drawbridge, first picture, second row, into the wide, wide world.
Late in the afternoon, last picture, second row, he stops in the depths of a huge forest to get his bearings.
He estimates roughly that he and his pack of hunting dog must have journeyed a hundred leagues.
And now he finds himself face to face with his first adventure, famine.
Arne is hungry. He unslings his pack like an old campaigner, settles down to fortify himself with a solid meal of cookies,
not forgetting to fortify his pack of hunting dog with every other bite.
Then, first picture, bottom row, he leans back against his pack of hunting dog and the two of them fall asleep.
When they awaken, day is waning and Arne commands that they turn homeward.
Tomorrow, they will explore the rest of the world.
But last picture, the way is blocked, blocked by a wild animal so huge that Arne is sure it can only be the king's stag of fuel.
Arne crouches, holding his lance in hand. His pack of hunting dog sits back on his haunches and cocks his ears.
And the enemy, in reality, a lovely little fawn, stares back at them with gentle, curious eyes.
How will our little hero defend himself against such a ferocious enemy?
Isn't that funny? Little Arne pretends to be such a big, brave, bold hero.
Yes, and he keeps thinking about his one dog as being a pack of hunting dogs.
And the dog looks so tired, I don't think he could have licked the fleas.
No, little Prince Arne sees that pretty little doe in the forest.
Look how he crouches, so brave to fight it. I wonder what will happen.
Well, next week, I'm afraid we'll find that out. Now let's turn over the page.
Oh, look, there's Peter Pan on page four. And you remember last week, Peter Pan had taught the darling children how to fly, and they were on their way to Neverland.
And Captain Hook, the ferocious pirate who hates Peter Pan, saw them approaching, and when they stopped in a cloud, began shooting at them.
And Peter had sent Tinkerbell on ahead, and he told her to lead the children to Neverland where they would be safe.
But Tinkerbell, who was jealous of Wendy because Peter likes Wendy so much, went on ahead so fast that she left the children far behind her.
Oh, I wonder what will happen to the children left alone in the sky.
Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Peter Pan.
Pirates, crocodiles, Peter Piper, and whisk up music for Neverland.
As Tinkerbell disappears in the distance, Wendy shouts, Tinkerbell, wait, we can't keep up with you.
And then suddenly from below, there comes a shower of missiles, stones, clubs, rocks. Help, help!
Startles the children so that when they try to avoid being hit, they stop flying and start to fall out of the sky.
Quickly, John opens his umbrella and catches Michael, and the two float down like in a parachute.
Suddenly, Peter shoots down from the sky and catches Wendy just in time.
And Peter and the children land safely.
Last picture top row, a group of tough-looking little boys shout, Hey, Pan, we got her. Yeah, we shot her down.
First picture bottom row, Peter faces the little boys. You blockheads, you might have killed her.
Yeah, but we only followed your orders. Yeah, Tinkerbell said you said you shoot her down.
Peter realizes what Tinkerbell has done.
Tinkerbell, Tink, come here. Yes, you, come here.
Fourth picture bottom row, Peter gives Tinkerbell a good scolding for what she had tried to do to the children.
Tink, you're guilty of high treason. I hereby banish you from Neverland forever.
Wendy says, Oh, Peter, not forever.
Last picture, Peter says, Well, for a week then.
And Tinkerbell, looking very sad, flies away, completely unaware that her week's banishment will have fateful consequences for Peter Pan and the others.
Well, I'll bet you she's sorry. Well, I'll bet you she is too.
That wasn't at all nice of her to have told the boys to throw the rocks at Wendy and Michael and John.
No, it wasn't. And I hope she learned her lesson and just will be nice from now on.
So do I. But I wonder what's going to happen to Peter and the others during the week she's gone.
Well, next week we'll find out something about that. Now look across the page. There's Roy Rogers.
Oh, yes. And you remember that Roy had found that outlaw camp and rescued little Tim from the cabin where the outlaws had locked him up.
Yes, and Tim had told Roy that the outlaws had tricked his Uncle Doleful to the Tomahawk Mine by sending a phony message.
And Roy realizes the outlaws are planning on killing Doleful to get him out of the way so they can get control of the mine.
I wonder if Roy will get there in time.
Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Roy Rogers, king of the cowboys.
Hi-yip-a-yo. Now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Hi-yip-a-yo.
Going at breakneck speed, Doleful is nearing the mine in a buckboard.
He comes around the curve, last picture top row, and sees Fancy Farrow and his henchmen blocking the road with drawn guns.
He reins in the team. Fancy says,
All right, climb down, Hawkins.
Should I plug him now, boss?
First picture bottom row, Farrow says,
Put away your gun, Cranky. This is going to look accidental.
All right, bullwhip. Tie his hands and feet. Then toss him in the back of the wagon.
Oh, now I get it. We spooked the team. And the wagon goes crashing over the cliff at breakneck curve.
Quickly, Doleful is tied hand and foot. Then he's tossed in the wagon.
And the horses are sent down the road at a gallop.
All right, get up there. Get up there.
Away goes the wagon carrying Doleful bound hand and foot.
That wretch, your honorary hide, Fancy Farrow. This is murder.
Help! Help! Help!
Faster and faster, the runaway horses gallop.
They sweep down the hill at breakneck speed.
At that moment, Roy and Tim, who have taken a shortcut, hear the wagon and see the wagon approaching.
Hey, Roy, look. Uncle Doleful's tied up in their runaway wagon.
Well, it's no time now to stop the team, Tim. I've got to try and rope them.
Here, give me my lariat, quick.
Last picture, Tim hands Roy his lariat, which is all twisted up and tied to knots.
Here, Roy, I tied a few knots in it. I'm sorry.
Great gun, son. The rope's useless.
Oh, that terrible boy tying knots in that rope that way.
How can Roy ever save Doleful now if he can't use that rope?
I wonder, too. He said there's no time to stop the horses.
Oh, that Tim. I'm so angry at him. If his uncle gets killed, it'll all be his fault.
Yes, just about. Which is a good reason why children shouldn't use things that belong to grownups as their toys.
Yes. I wonder how Roy will ever save Doleful's life.
Well, we'll have to wait until next week to find out.
Now, let's turn over the page and see who's there.
Oh, look. Flash Gordon.
Yes, Flash Gordon. And I'll read that in just a moment.
But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say.
Now, here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly.
And on page six of the first section, Flash Gordon.
Magic words for the music, please.
Very well, my lady.
Well, riggadegadoondoon, sashka matash. Let's have music for heroic Flash.
Flash is on the planet Venus.
After an air battle with King Stang, Flash gave Stang and the scaleman Kaga the slip
and landed at an underground glass city, hoping to find friends.
Flash and Dale are greeted by Queen Trill, ruler of the underground city.
Queen Trill also is an enemy of King Stang and decides to help Flash.
She orders her subjects to hide Flash's jet car.
Barely has Flash's ship been hidden, and the caverns echo with the roar of an
approaching jet craft.
Flash and Dale seek cover as they see Kaga and Stang alighting from the ship.
Stang steps out and snaps at Trill.
Flash Gordon landed here. I'm sure of it.
Last picture, top row, the Queen denies that Flash is there.
Stang snaps. You're hiding, Gordon.
Then he raises a supersonic whistle to his lips.
Trill's eyes show terror.
She knows that a shrill blast of the whistle holds the power to shatter her fragile
silicon nerve system.
First picture, bottom row, Flash, who sees what's happening, slips from his
hiding place.
And the next instant...
I...I...I...
And a burst from the spray gun demolishes the supersonic whistle and sends
Stang sprawling.
Taken by surprise, Kaga offers no resistance.
Queen Trill moves quickly to Kaga's side, telling him that his people and hers
always were friends before Stang stirred up trouble.
Kaga answers, I was a fool to trust him.
The tyrant used me as a tool.
Let our people return to their ways of friendship.
Kaga is as good as his word.
After a few days of rest in the Glass City, Flash, last picture, is given a crew of
cave world technicians to help him in the task of constructing a spaceship that
will carry him and his party back to their native Earth.
Oh, goody, Flash fixed that old king, Stang, just the way he deserved.
Yes, and now Flash will get a ship built and soon he can start for Earth again.
Oh, I hope he'll get there safely this time.
You think he will?
Well, next week maybe we'll find the answer to that.
Now it's time for Dagwood and Blondie.
Oh, and I know where to find them.
On the first page of the second section.
And here they are.
Fine, and here we go with the second section of Puck the Comic Weekly.
And on the first page, Dagwood and Blondie.
Ramaphoo, ramaphum, zim zam zumby, conjuby music for Dagwood and Blondie.
Dagwood and Blondie are to go to a masquerade party.
That's a party where everybody dresses up in unusual costumes.
Blondie says to Dagwood,
Darling, it's time for you to start dressing for the masquerade.
A cloud comes over Dagwood's face.
I'm not going.
Second picture, Blondie holds up a little boy suit.
Look at the cute Buster Brown costume I got for you to wear.
Another cloud comes over Dagwood's face.
I'm not going.
Suddenly there's a...
It's Dagwood dashing out of the door, but there's another.
And Blondie is caught and tackled him.
No, no, let me go, will you?
I hate costume parties. I'm not going.
But Blondie drags him in the house by one foot.
Come dear, we mustn't be late.
First picture, second row, Blondie asks the children.
Will you children help me get Daddy into his costume?
Oh sure, Mama. Yeah, that'll be more fun than homework.
So the three of them tackle Dagwood to try to put the costume on him.
Dagwood fights back.
Finally, Cookie who's sitting on one of Dagwood's legs shouts.
It's no use, Mama.
And Alexander who's trying to hold down the other leg shouts.
Hey, Pop's determined not to go.
Last picture, second row, Blondie has stuck her head out the window
and called to Tootsie Woodley for help.
Tootsie sticks her head out of her window and says,
Well, Herbert has some men friends over here playing cards.
Ask them if they'll help me get Dagwood into his Buster Brown costume.
First picture, third row, Herb Woodley and three of his friends.
March over to Dagwood's house.
Up the steps and into the house.
Big smiles on their faces at the thought of putting Dagwood in a Buster Brown suit.
Herb says, Ah, this we're going to enjoy.
And as soon as they get into the house,
they tackle Dagwood, throw him on the floor, rip off his clothes
and shove him into the Buster Brown suit.
No, no, let me go. I'll call the police.
I'll call the fire department. I'll call out the Marines.
Don't forget the blonde wig.
And then last picture, third row, it's over.
The men toss Dagwood on the floor.
And he lies there stockings to his knees, shoes with silver buckles, short pants,
a blouse and a tie with ruffles at the cuffs, a blonde wig and a Buster Brown hat.
And Herb laughs, Ah, he'll sure win a prize in that costume, Blondie.
And the men leave. Thank you so much, gentlemen.
A half hour later, Blondie is all dressed up in a beautiful gown,
looking like a princess.
The children look at her first picture, bottom row.
Alexander says, Gee, you look pretty in your costume, Mama.
We're all ready to go.
And she comes down the stairs.
And then stops horrified.
For she sees Dagwood leaning against the banister, dressed in his own clothes again.
Dagwood, where's your costume?
And a cloud comes over Dagwood's face.
I'm not going.
And last picture, Blondie is in Herb Woodley's house again,
interrupting the men's card game.
I hate to bother you, but would you please put Dagwood's costume on him again?
And the men and Herb look up and go...
Can you imagine that? That stubborn, stubborn man.
After all the trouble everybody went through to put that costume on him,
he takes it off again.
Well, I don't blame Dagwood for not wanting to wear a Buster Brown costume.
Oh, but masquerade parties are fun.
Yes, but she could have got him a costume like, well, a knight in armor.
Why that?
Well, when you dance, if anybody bumps into you, they won't hurt you.
Oh, that's silly.
Yes, but sensible.
Do you think Dagwood would have gone there?
Well, I'm not sure. You never can tell what Dagwood's going to do.
No, and that's just why I like him. He does such funny things.
Yes. Well, now how would you like to see what's happening with Dick?
Oh, I like that very much.
All right, then let's go to the very last page.
Oh, and here he is. Dick's adventure.
Yes, and this is really some adventure because Dick is in the early days of America
when the British and the Americans were at war.
And Dick and his friend Major Villier had escaped from the pirates camp.
And they were going to tell General Jackson that the British had offered the pirate Jean Lafitte
lots of money if he would help fight the Americans.
Yes, but Lafitte had captured Dick and the major again.
And Lafitte said to them,
if you are going to see General Jackson and tell him about me,
I will go along with you and tell him myself.
I wonder why he said that.
Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Dick's adventures.
Say the magic words with me.
Let's have music for adventure with Dick.
Under the skillful guidance of Lafitte and his pirates,
they arrive at Andrew Jackson's encampment just outside New Orleans.
As Lafitte and Dick and the major approach the camp,
the sentry recognizes Lafitte, lowers his gun and calls the guard.
And last picture, top row.
The notorious pirate Jean Lafitte is captured and marched off.
The captain of the guard snaps.
He'll be hung before morning.
Quickly, Major Villier and Dick seek out General Jackson.
First picture, second row. They are in the general's tent.
Major Villier is speaking.
But Sir Jean Lafitte has given himself up voluntarily, but not to be hung.
He braves your wrath to bring information.
The British are about to attack New Orleans. Lafitte, ships, men, guns.
We, sir, have not enough of any.
Pardon him and he and his men will give us their blood and their treasure.
But Jackson bristles, I want nothing to do with a pirate.
So the hangman's noose is prepared.
Last picture, second row.
Dick and the major slowly lead Jackson's headquarters
and see preparations made for the execution of the pirate.
And first picture, bottom row.
Lafitte in his cell.
The smiling pirate ceases to smile.
But last picture.
That night in a bayou country below the city,
red-coated British veterans, heavily armed, have gathered silently in around the march.
Oh, General Jackson wouldn't listen to Dick and the major.
Oh, isn't that terrible?
Yes, it is, especially since Lafitte wants to help the Americans fight the British.
And especially since the British wanted him to help them and he refused.
Do you think they'll really hang him?
I'm afraid we'll have to wait until next week to find out about that.
Now look below Dick's adventures. There's Rusty Riley.
Oh, yes, and I'm anxious to read that because you remember,
Rusty ran away from the milestone farm and joined the carnival.
Yes, and he's going to work in one of the sideshows of the carnival
for a man who is hatching up a crooked scheme against the owner of the carnival.
And Rusty was in the dressing tent last week, you remember?
And then he saw some kind of purplishy colored glasses and he was looking at them.
Yes, and then Necra, the magician that Rusty used to work for,
came into the tent and seemed very upset when he saw Rusty with the glasses in his hands.
I wonder why.
Well, maybe we can find out more about that right now.
Here we go with Rusty Riley.
Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for us horse and Rusty.
Necra looks at Rusty.
What do you do with my glasses, kid?
Put them down and don't touch them again.
Oh, sure, sure, Mr. Necra. I'm sorry, sir. I was only...
Okay, skip the alibis.
Just remember, I don't like snoopers.
Now pay attention and I'll explain your job.
Meanwhile, Rusty's friend Stovepipe is strolling down the midway at the carnival.
He sees the owner of the carnival, Denver Dooley,
approach the entrance of the tent of Laal-Gunda, the fortune teller.
In real life, Laal-Gunda is Beagle, Necra's companion in crime.
Stovepipe says to Dooley,
Well, well, don't tell me Dooley,
that you're about to patronize this fortune-telling charlatan.
I am, Doc. And what's more, I'm told that this one's no fake.
First picture bottom row, Denver Dooley is sitting in the tent.
The lights are soft and low.
The crook Beagle with a turban and fortune teller's costume on
sits before a crystal ball.
He speaks.
Laal-Gunda see plenty much good fortune for you.
Stars and planets say now is best time for take chance.
No can lose.
No kidding.
After the last show that night,
Rusty joins Stovepipe at the tent where he works.
Well, I'm all through for tonight, Mr. Stovepipe.
You ready to go home?
Yes, yes, already, my lad.
How was your initial performance?
Be wait, my boy.
Step back in the shadow.
They step back in the shadow.
They see Necro the magician coming down the midway from one direction.
He meets Dooley.
They hear Dooley say,
Oh, hi there, Necro. On your way home?
Well, possibly.
But I was hoping I might find someone who was in the mood
for a modest game of poker.
Dooley thinks to himself,
Poker, huh?
And that fortune teller said,
This is the time to take a chance.
He said, I can't lose.
Last picture, they hear Dooley call.
Oh, hey, Necro, wait.
I'd like to get into that game.
Necro answers,
Well, okay, Dooley, if you wanna.
Oh, that man, Necro.
You remember last week he was planning on a card game
and that he was gonna try to get Dooley to join with him.
That's right, and he said something about
with my tricks, specs, and cards
that he'd be able to beat Dooley.
Oh, and now Dooley's gonna play cards with him.
And I'll just betcha Necro will cheat
and Dooley might lose all his money.
That's Necro's plan, and next week we'll find out more about this.
But now that's all the time I have.
But before I go, here's that nice fellow
with some more interesting information.
Well, honey, and all you boys and girls, I gotta go now.
All right, Mr. Comic Weekly Man,
but I'll be waiting for you next week.
Okay, that's a date, and a date with all you boys and girls.
Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week
when I read Pock the Comic Weekly.
For I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys.
Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week.
Your friend the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
Bye.