I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you
happy boys and honeys.
Yes, boys and girls, it's comic weekly time.
And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness.
Right out of the pages of Puff the Comic Weekly straight into your living room, your friend
the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man.
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
Oh, little miss honey, how are you today?
Oh, I'm hot.
Well, what have you been doing to keep cool?
Well, yesterday I went swimming in the lake.
Ah, but I'm sure you don't go swimming all by yourself.
Oh, no, I'd never go in the water by myself, not even in a small, small pond.
Well, I'm proud to meet a child who is careful when he or she's around water.
And I'm sure you're always careful when you're in swimming in a crowded pool too.
And I know you wouldn't play dangerous tricks on anybody else.
Oh, no, and I'll never go into a river or a lake or an ocean without making sure that a grown-up
is right there beside me because you never know when you might find a deep spot
and step into it the way over your head.
Well, I can tell you right now you're a good friend of mine because anybody who takes
such safety precautions around water as you do is someone I admire.
And you know, you're a good example for everyone to follow.
Yes, I am.
Yes, you are.
Now, could you please read the funny...
Puck the Comic Weekly?
Very well, I'll read that in just a moment.
But before I do, let's listen to this nice man.
Now, here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly.
And on the first page under bringing up father, Beetle Bailey.
Magikwits for the music, please.
Very well, my lady.
Toot me a toot and tweet me a tweetle.
Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beetle.
Beetle and his company are out on an overnight bivouac,
which means they're sleeping in tents on the ground.
Beetle, who has been trying to go to sleep, exclaims,
Oh, the ground is too damp. I'm going to sleep up here in the back of the truck,
if no one catches me.
Next morning, as the sergeant is shaving, he says to one of his men,
Oh, Hot Rod, you better drive into town before breakfast and get those supplies.
Okay, Sarge.
Third picture, the truck is in town.
The driver has gone off to pick up his supplies.
And then Beetle wakes up.
He stands up in his underwear and stretches.
Oh, boy, that was a good night's sleep.
The lady who's walking by sees him standing on the truck in his underwear.
Yikes. How did I get here in clown?
And last picture, top row, he wraps a blanket around him, leaps off the truck
and dashes for a store in his bare feet.
I got to find some clothes.
Hey, look, Mama, in Indian.
First picture, bottom row, he's in a store.
Quick, quick, give me something to wear.
And ten minutes later, Beetle is standing in front of a mirror,
wearing a gay sports shirt and bright slacks.
The clerk says, That'll be $28.50, sir.
I don't have any money with me.
Then take them right off. Do you understand? Right off.
Fourth picture, bottom row, Beetle's hiding in an ashcan.
He sees Hot Rod, the guy who drove the truck into town,
loading a bag of potatoes onto it.
Hey, Hot Rod, bring me a potato sack.
Hey, Beetle, you should be out on bivouac, not in an ashcan.
And last picture, the truck pulls into camp again.
And Beetle gets out of the truck wearing a potato sack.
The sergeant takes one look at him and shouts,
Bailey, you've been absent without leave.
And Hot Rod laughs,
Ha ha ha, absent without pants is more like it.
Oh, that was a big joke on Beetle.
He climbed onto the truck and left his potato sack in the truck.
And left his clothes on the ground when he went to sleep.
And he ends up back in camp in a potato sack,
looking like a rotten potato.
That's funny, looking like a rotten potato.
Well, I'm sure he feels like one.
Well, now how would you like to see what's happening to Roy Rogers?
Oh, you know I would.
All right, then turn over the page
and go past Prince Val, who is in Ireland.
Turn over page three.
And here on page five is Roy Rogers.
And you remember, Roy was trying to catch the man
who robbed the railroad payroll.
And the trail had led him to the construction camp.
And the three crooks were there.
And while Roy was talking to Hard Rock Higgins,
that's the leader,
one of the other crooks was going to shoot Roy.
But he slipped and fell, and Roy heard him,
pulled his gun and went after him.
And Higgins swung a great big hammer to hit Roy.
I wonder what'll happen.
Well, let's read now and find out.
Here we go with Roy Rogers,
King of the Cowboys.
Hi-yip-a-yo, now here we go with Roy and Trigger.
Hi-yip-a-yo.
Roy dashes past Higgins.
Higgins swings the hammer.
Wildwood yells for Roy to duck.
Roy quickly ducks and the hammer sails over his head.
Oh, blast it, I missed.
Wildwood pulls the gun,
and Higgins sees he's covered and pulls up his hands.
Then Ham, one of the other outlaws, runs for his horse.
Roy shouts, hey, hold up there, mister.
The third outlaw, Smiley, starts for Roy
to get him from behind.
But he trips, last picture, top roll.
Roy whirls around.
Oh, no you don't.
Smiley is knocked out.
First picture, bottom roll, Roy exclaims.
Two men were hiding behind the ties, one got away.
But I think this pair can tell us plenty
about that payroll robbery.
A few minutes later, Ham, the escaped outlaw,
is burning leather, heading for the hideout
to get all of the stolen loot for himself.
At the same time, Dangerfield,
the owner of the carnival, is approaching down the road.
The outlaw sees him coming and reins in behind a rock.
Last picture, as Dangerfield's wagon reaches the rock,
Ham shouts, all right, pull up there, Dangerfield.
Whoa there, whoa.
All right, Dangerfield, you're going to help me
grab a bag of loot, dead or alive.
Oh, no, please, please, no violence.
You should have my complete cooperation.
Well, I don't think much of that Mr. Dangerfield saying
that he'll do everything he can to help the outlaw.
Dangerfield doesn't fight like Roy does.
No, he doesn't.
You think Roy will find the trail next week?
Well, I'm afraid we'll have to wait and find that out next week.
But now let's turn over the page.
All right. Oh, look, Brer Rabbit.
And I know you want to read that.
Oh, yes, indeed.
All right, here we go with Uncle Remus
and his tales of Brer Rabbit.
Say the magic words with me, please.
Hippity hoppity, make it a habit to give us music for old Brer Rabbit.
Uncle Remus said,
This is about the time Brer Bar overslept his hibernating time.
Brer Rabbit is sitting on his porch reading the paper
when Brer Coon and Brer Possum come running up.
Hey, Brer Rabbit, Brer Bar has overslept his hibernating time.
Yeah, nobody can wake him up.
Well, if you've tried everything, then I'll try something else.
You'd better come on inside.
Five minutes later, Brer Rabbit is pouring something into a salt shaker.
This is my extra special magic wake-up powder.
First picture bottom row,
Brer Coon and Brer Possum have led Brer Rabbit to Brer Bar's cave.
And we see Brer Bar lying on his back,
his hands folded over his chest, snoring away.
Brer Rabbit whispers,
Now everybody keep quiet and let Brer Bar do his grunting.
And then Brer Rabbit shakes his wake-up powder onto Brer Bar's belly.
Sprinkle, sprinkle, little dust.
Now go ahead and do your rust.
Suddenly Brer Bar's snoring is interrupted by a
snorting sound.
And Brer Bar jumps to his feet and dashes down the road.
Oh!
And last picture.
As Brer Bar disappears around the bend, Brer Possum asks,
Hey, what is that magic wake-up powder?
And Brer Rabbit answers,
Well, in the language of us creeders, it's what us call cow itch.
And Brer Coon exclaims,
Great day.
And Uncle Remus says,
Sometimes nonsense makes a lot of sense.
Brer Rabbit certainly woke Brer Bar up, didn't he?
Yes, you bet he did.
But how long will Brer Bar itch?
Oh, until he gets to the first stream where he can jump in,
take a bath and wash the itch powder off.
Oh, that Brer Rabbit, he's some trickster.
You bet, he's some trickster.
Well, now let's turn over to the very last page of the first section.
And look, here's Dick's Adventures.
Oh, yes.
And you remember, Dick is in the early days of America in California,
and he was working on the newspaper.
And you remember that last week some men came into this frontier town carrying gold.
Mm-hmm. And they said they discovered a rich gold mine.
And I'm anxious to know more about it because gold is the richest thing in the world.
So could we read, please?
Why, you bet we can.
Here we go with Dick's Adventures.
Say the magic words with me.
Riggity-pack-a-zack-a-zick.
Let's have music for adventurous Dick.
Feverishly, Dick and Mr. Campbell work to get the news of the discovery of gold in their paper.
Second picture, Campbell says,
Mark my words, Dick, no one's going to believe this silly yarn.
Well, gee, I don't know, Mr. Campbell, I got a hunch they will.
Last picture, top row, the door bursts open and a frenzied crowd surges in.
They've heard of the discovery of the gold mine.
And first picture, second row, the gold craze mob snatches the papers as fast as they come off the press.
Hey, it's true. Look, it says here gold mine near Sacramento.
Hey, I'm going to get there and stake me out, acclaim.
Yeah, me too. We'll be rich. Won't have to work another day in our lives.
Last picture, second row, editor Campbell pleads.
Now, don't think you're going to get rich just because somebody found a few ounces of gold.
What do you mean a few ounces? There's piles of it lying there in the ground just waiting for us to go get it.
Yeah, and I'm leaving right now.
Yeah, me too. Me too.
Last picture, at daybreak, after working all night putting out their paper,
Dick and Campbell leave the office.
As they head home, Dick says,
Hey, Mr. Campbell, how about us going ourselves and looking for gold?
And Campbell snorts, what? You mean you believe it too, Dick?
Oh, this is going to turn out to be the greatest hoax of the age.
Oh, that was exciting because the men really believe that gold is there and that they'll get rich.
Yes, you bet they do.
You think they will? Dick thinks so.
Well, as in all things like this, there are those who will be lucky and those who've had a little more experience than the others.
And these are the ones who'll get rich.
The ones who are unlucky and don't know so much about how to do things, they're the ones who aren't successful?
Well, worse than that. They probably give up their jobs, jobs they already have,
and spend all of their savings trying to get rich, and they end up by losing everything.
Oh, that's terrible.
Yes, it is, but that's what happens when you're foolish.
Well, I wonder if Dick and Mr. Campbell will go out and try to get gold.
Well, we'll find out about that next week.
But now look below Dick's adventures. There's Rusty Riley.
Read that in just a moment, but first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say.
Now here we go again with Pup the Comic Weekly, and on the last page of the first section, Rusty Riley.
Magic words for the music, please.
Very well, my lady.
Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for us, Horse and Rusty.
Tex and Rusty were on their way home to the Milestone Farm in the truck carrying Silver Lad,
the last of the famous line of racehorses.
A rival horse raiser, Velvet Kane, doesn't want Silver Lad to reach the Milestone Farm
before Kane closes a deal to sell horses to a wealthy South American.
He sent two of his men, Porky and Scrub, to make sure that Tex is prevented
from delivering Silver Lad to the Milestone Farm.
They've set up a detour sign which has led the truck off the main road through some woods,
across a bridge, and up to a shack where Porky and Scrub are waiting.
As the truck pulls into the yard, Porky slips away to dynamite the bridge
so Tex cannot get back onto the highway.
Tex and Rusty get out of the truck. Scrub comes out of the shack to meet him.
Tex says, Oh, excuse me, friend, but I'm getting a little worried about this detour.
How far is it to the main highway?
Scrub replies, Detour? Why, this ain't a detour, mister.
This road ends just beyond here. How'd you get in on it?
Why, there's a detour sign where this road leaves the highway.
Says the highway's closed.
That sounds like some fool's idea of a gag.
You better come on in the shack and have a cup of coffee.
Thanks, friend. They go into the shack, last picture top row.
Me and Rusty are due in Lexington tomorrow,
so if you'll show us where we can turn the truck around,
Scrub leans back in his chair and smiles.
Well, mister, we can barely turn our jalopy around.
But in the morning we can try chopping a few saplings out.
And maybe we can find a way to get here.
First picture bottom row, we're at the Milestone Farm.
Mr. Miles is talking to his daughter, Patty.
I must admit that I'm a little worried that I haven't heard from Tex since he started.
And then he thinks, if he only knew how really worried I am.
I stand to lose, Milestone Farm,
unless I put over that deal with Senor Caldarez.
And I must produce silver lag to do it.
And at the breeding farm of Velvet Kane,
Senor Caldarez, the wealthy buyer from South America, is saying,
I am most sorry, Mr. Kane, but I wish to cancel my order for your yearlings.
I am going to deal with Milestone Farm.
I have just learned I have acquired a silver lag, son of Gallan Corporal.
Hey, don't be silly, Caldarez. That's nothing but a rumor.
You haven't seen that stallion, have you?
Well, Mr. Miles is going to show him at the horse show tomorrow.
I have his word.
Well, word or no word, I got a grand that says he won't show silver lag.
If he does, you can forget my yearlings.
And last picture, back at the mountain shack.
Porky has called Scrub outside.
Yeah, what is it, Porky?
Hey, listen, Scrub, I planted the dynamite under the fire under the bridge.
Then I went down the highway to take down the detour sign.
Scrub, it's gone.
Yeah, well, that ain't good.
But just remember, nobody can prove we put it there.
Oh, isn't that too bad?
Tex has driven right into the trap,
and Porky's going to blow up the bridge so he can't turn his truck around and get back across it.
Yes.
And if he doesn't get back onto the road to bring silver lag to the Milestone Farm,
Mr. Mouse says he won't be able to sell his horses to that man from South America.
And then Mr. Mouse will lose his farm too because he needs the money.
Oh, I wonder what'll happen.
Well, let's hope that that detour sign, having disappeared,
will get Scrub and Porky into trouble and help Tex.
Oh, I hope so.
Well, now it's time to go to the second section of the Comic Weekly.
Oh, yes, and there's that funny, funny Dagwood.
I wonder what happened to him today.
Well, let's read now and find out.
Here we go with Dagwood and Blondie.
Ramaphoo, ramaphum, zim zam zombie,
conjure me music for Dagwood and Blondie.
The phone in Mr. Dither's office rings.
Yes, hello?
It's Blondie who says.
Mr. Dither's, ask Dagwood to stop at my dressmaker's
and pick up my new dress for tonight.
Last picture top row, Dither's answers.
Oh, don't worry, Blondie.
I'll tell him, I'll tell him.
I called you because I know he'd forget it.
Second picture, second row.
The phone rings in Dagwood's office.
Hello? Dagwood Bumstead of the firm of Dither's and Company,
Incorporated, et cetera, speaking.
It's Mrs. Dither's who tells Dagwood.
Oh, Dagwood, would you please tell my husband to meet me
at the Dale's Restaurant at six?
We're going to dine there.
Last picture, second row, Dagwood says.
Now, don't worry, Mrs. Dither's.
I'll tell him.
I know, Dagwood.
That's why I called you.
I knew Julius would forget.
At the end of the day, Dagwood and Mr. Dither's
are putting their coats on to go home.
And then Dither's says.
Seems to me there was some kind of message for you.
Message? Message?
Say, seems to me there was one for you, too.
Now, what was it?
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
An hour later, Dagwood and Mr. Dither's are down at the waterfront,
still trying to remember what the message was.
Dither's groans.
Oh, this is terrible.
We don't dare go home until we remember those messages, Dagwood.
And Dagwood chews his fingernails.
Golly, it's getting dark.
And they think and think, trying to remember.
Two hours later, the moon is high in the sky.
Last picture, third row, Dither's suddenly shouts.
I remember the dress from the dressmakers.
Oh, yes, and you're to meet your wife at the Dale's restaurant.
Hooray!
An hour later, first picture of bottom row, Mr. Dither's comes into his house.
And there stands his wife, glowering at him.
Dither's says, now, darling, I went to the restaurant
just like you said, and you weren't there.
I waited for you three hours and then came home.
Oh, dear, don't lose your temper.
About this time, Dagwood comes into his house.
And there stands Blondie, impatiently waiting for him.
I went to the dressmakers just like you said, dear, but her shop was closed.
That means we can't go to the dance tonight.
Now, Blondie, remember, I'm your lawfully wedded wife.
I mean, husband.
And a half hour later, Mr. Dither's,
who is now a mess of bruises and bumps from the beating his wife has given him,
is on the phone calling Dagwood.
Uh-oh, hello, Dagwood.
I'm calling to find out how you made out.
This is Blondie.
Dagwood is in no condition to answer the phone.
Oh, those silly men, they just can't remember anything.
Oh, they can't remember a thing.
Blondie was sure that Dagwood would forget if she called him.
So she called Mr. Dither's to tell Dagwood, and then Mr. Dither's forgets.
And the same thing happens to Mrs. Dither's and Dagwood.
Yes. Well, after the beating those fellows took, I don't think they'll forget again.
No, I'm afraid not.
Aren't those people funny?
Yes, aren't those people funny?
Well, now I know you'd like to see what's happening in Walt Disney's story,
The Sword and the Rose.
Oh, yes, please.
All right, then, let's turn over the page
and go past the little king on page three.
And here on page four of the second section is The Sword and the Rose.
Yes, and you remember, it's in the early days of England when Henry was king.
And his sister Mary had fallen in love with a captain of the guard.
Which isn't what they liked to have happen because captains in the guard didn't marry princesses.
No, the king and the queen try to make certain that anyone of the royal line would marry someone of another royal line.
Yes, but I wonder what will happen here because Princess Mary really loves Charles Brandon,
and I don't blame her because he's brave and handsome and daring.
Yes, but King Henry has noticed Princess Mary is pretty fond of Charles Brandon.
And the king had said he's going to break this up by having her marry the King of France.
Oh, I wonder if that'll really happen. I hope it doesn't.
Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with The Sword and the Rose.
It's Mary, Mary England when knighthood was in flower. Music to bewitch our story hour.
Charles Brandon, who is now in love with the Princess Mary, is talking to his friend Cascadon.
Ah, Sir Edward, what am I to do? A mere guardsman bewitched by the Princess Mary.
And Cascadon replies, Aye, Charles, and you have cast a spell on my lady too.
And at the same time in the princess's chambers, her lady-in-waiting Margaret and she are talking.
Margaret tells the princess that she shouldn't fall in love with a commoner
because King Henry has pledged her to marry the King of France.
Last picture top row, the princess answers that it's time that everybody understood that she'll wed whoever she chooses.
At that moment, there's a knock on the door.
Your Highness.
The lady Margaret opens the door and the chamberlain says, last picture second row.
With license of your Highness, the King commands you to the royal presence to meet the French ambassadors.
Mary answers, Inform the King I'm not disposed to come.
First picture bottom row, the quaking chamberlain returns to the King. He bows and says fearfully.
Your Grace, my liege, the princess says she will not come.
The King explodes.
What? Am I to be flouted under the Windsor roof? Defied?
And last picture, he leaps to his feet.
Ard's thunder. If she'll not wait upon us, we'll wait upon her.
Ooh, the King is angry.
Oh, you bet he is.
He's going to talk to Mary himself, isn't he?
It looks that way.
Oh, I hope she's brave and doesn't let him scare us though because I want her to marry Charles Brandon because he's brave and handsome and daring.
Well, we'll find out more about this next week.
Now let's turn over the page. And here on the last page of the Comic Weekly is Flash Gordon.
Oh, yes, and Flash is on the planet Titan.
Yes, and they're to investigate there to see what life on the planet is like. And they were trapped inside a cave.
Yes, and a big boulder was rolled against the opening of the cave.
And there's just a little tiny spot at the top that they might escape through.
Yes, but you remember that Flash saw a great big hand of a giant right outside the cave and he's sure that the giant is waiting to capture them.
I wonder what will happen today.
Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Flash Gordon.
Riggity-ga-doon-doon, sashka-matash, let's have music for heroic flange.
As they crouch on the top of the boulder, a foot away from the narrow opening, Flash, who has glimpsed the giant, says,
Whatever it is, it's hiding there, waiting to grab us as we crawl out of here one by one.
Midas says, well, it's not going to get me.
And he fires his rocket pistol. There, it's gone.
Flash says, well, your shots didn't seem to bother it much.
And then the pilot shouts, hey, I smell something burning.
Flash looks around and sees the cave is beginning to fill with smoke.
Flash picture-top row, he exclaims, trying to smoke us out.
We've got to act fast. Now, listen, cover me. I'll make a run for it. If I get outside, perhaps I can stop it.
So holding his rocket rifle in his hands, he makes a run for the opening.
Here goes.
He crawls out of the opening, but is suddenly knocked over by the giant hand.
He falls head first into a huge basket.
The smoke drives Midas and the pilot out of the cave.
I can't stand the smoke. I'm getting out, too.
The giant hand scoops first Midas and then the pilot into the basket.
And last picture, the three of them see Dale come tumbling down.
Yeah, here comes Dale.
Well, that makes the whole passel of us. Caught like fish in a basket.
Oh, they're all captured by the giant.
Yes, they're all captured now.
What'll happen to them? Will the giants kill them?
Well, next week we'll find that out.
Now, that's all the time I have.
But before I go, here's that nice fellow with some more interesting information.
Well, honey and all you boys and girls, I've got to go now.
All right, Mr. Comic Weekly Man, but I'll be waiting for you next week.
Okay, that's a date and a date with all you boys and girls.
Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week
when I raid Puck the Comic Weekly.
For I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys.
Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week.
Your friend the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
Puck the Comic Weekly Man