from Hollywood Colgate to father presents the Mel blank show written by Mac
Benoff with Mary Jane Croft Joe Kearns Hans Connery
LV allman the sportsman Victor Miller and his orchestra and starring the
creator of the voice of Bugs Bunny what's up dad
yes Colgate to father for a breath of sweet and teeth and sparkle brings you
the Mel blank show with Mel playing his new character Zookie hello every
baby baby baby baby baby baby baby and starring himself in person Mel blank
hi folks uh-uh boo boo boo boo someone once said that in the spring a young
man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love and that's the way it's been ever
since time began even in 43 BC when lovely Cleopatra bestowed a kiss upon
the feverish lips of Mark Anthony Mark was moved to say ah Cleopatra that kiss
and a thousand doves fluttering through my heart
century when Juliet pressed a kiss upon Romeo's lips Romeo was moved to say oh
Juliet thy kiss will set my heart a fluttering like under the strings of
yonder harpsichord and in the 20th century when very Colby impulsively
placed an impassioned kiss upon the lips of her boyfriend Mel blank Mel was moved
to say fresh yes that's Mel blank folks suave sophisticated and semi-conscious
so let's look in on Mel and Betty and Mel's fix-it shop as they discuss their
future and as usual it's Betty who takes the initiative just think Mel soon it'll
be June and the two of us will be married that's nice I wonder who will
marry and later on you'll be a father Mel what do you think of that
children would you like to have well three why do you think I'd like to have
one of each a boy a girl and something that looks like your father
don't talk that way about father Mel he's been very nice to you lately and I
have a feeling he may let us become engaged gosh Betty I've always dreamed of
having our own home we'll have a home just like the rich even the towels will
be marked yours and mine and Mel isn't that extravagant no the top half will be
yours the bottom half will be mine well now as long as we're talking about
marriage why don't you ask father for his consent today I don't know Betty
every time I bring it up your father kicks me right in the middle of the
subject I don't mind telling you it's becoming a very sore subject
darling hello hello father hello Mel hello mr. Colby mr. Colby I want to
marry your daughter you want to marry my daughter you want to marry my daughter
you want to marry my daughter not all of us mr. Colby just me I don't know Mel
after all Betty is used to the best I don't want her to live in a crummy
rundown place well don't worry mr. Colby as soon as we're married she'll move
right out of your house you realize what it cost me to support a girl like Betty
$10 for shoes $20 for hats $50 for dresses $75 for wait a minute yes Mel you and
Betty have waited long enough get married right away with my black
mr. Colby don't give in so fast maybe I'm not good enough for Betty maybe
I'll listen you in complete for years you've been asking me now you marry my
daughter I'll break every bone in your body but and we'll announce the
engagement tonight the party honoring cousin Dottie's arrival tonight gosh I'm
so happy I could kiss anybody yeah Mel get your hands off me
oh my baby getting married
don't think of it that way mr. Colby you're not losing a daughter you're
gaining a son me say Betty that cousin Donna your father spoke about is that
the one from New York oh yes Mel and I better go on home she should be here
soon well you mean the man crazy one the one who walks around with a marriage
license made out to her and to whom it may concern yes and you be careful oh
don't worry Betty I'm all yours sugar pie well I'll see you tonight the party
done bye bye oh gosh Betty and I finally getting married and this time nothing
will come between us
oh so you ain't handsome I was up today and they told me Betty would be here but
I see you're here alone
well Betty went down to the supermarket now that's four blocks south and then you
can laugh I want directions I'll go to the auto club oh so you're Mel Blaine the
boyfriend of my nearest dearest and darling is cousin what do you see in her
anyway well you know you and me can make beautiful music together we could what
instrument do you play you're a regular state Bernard Shaw why can't I get a man
like you oh don't worry cousin daughter you'll find someone you know there's a
girl for every man and a man for every girl and you can't improve that
arrangement I don't want to improve it I just want to get in on it
I don't go for just anybody the body's got to be on a man
you're just my type two eyes and two ears
well cousin dotty there's something I think you ought to know at your party
tonight I'm going to announce my engagement
dotty very soon you and I'll be related by marriage you want
but wait a minute I come back here hey what happened I was sitting here minding
my own business and now I'm engaged to two girls I'm worse than the bigamist
I'm an engagement
use Colgate powder keep smiling just right use it each morning and use it
each night clean your teeth make breath so sweet use Colgate tooth powder want
teeth that sparkle and dazzle a breath that's fresh and sweet then try Colgate
tooth powder for the new all-purpose Colgate tooth powder cleans your teeth
and sweetens your breath yes this new all-purpose tooth powder produces an
amazingly rich active foam that's marvelously effective every time you
brush your teeth with this new all-purpose Colgate tooth powder your
whole mouth feels clean sweet fresh your teeth regain their natural sparkle it's
been proven seven cases out of ten that Colgate tooth powder instantly stops
unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth and it's for cleaning you can
depend on Colgate tooth powder revealing the natural brilliance of your teeth
yes Colgate tooth powder the new all-purpose tooth powder does everything
you can expect or ask of a dentist try Colgate tooth powder today for teeth that
sparkle and a breath that's sweet
now the sportsman Victor Miller the orchestra with their arrangement of at
sundown
every little breeze is sighing of love undying at sundown every little bird is
resting and feathering at sundown each little road but is sleeping while the
purple shadows are creeping in a little cottage cozy the world seems
rosy at sundown where a loving smile will greet me and always meet me just
about at sundown I think I'm in heaven
when the night is falling and love is calling me home
sweet home every little breeze is fine and love is undying at sundown
every little bird is resting and feathering at sundown
each little road but is sleeping sleeping while the purple shadows
are creeping
I think when the shades of light are falling and love is calling me
Oh
well back to Mel blank mr. Colby agreed to announce Mel's engagement to his
daughter Betty at a party for cousin daddy but cousin daddy mistakenly
thought Mel was proposing to her and also accepted now Mel is engaged to both
of them and poor Mel is going crazy trying to figure out how to straighten
out the mix up now to add to his wounds here comes Hartley Benson the town
bo-brummel oh hello Hartley what's on your mind the usual thing great big
adorable me
I'm so enchanting women follow me panting say Hartley you're just the guy
to help me with my problem I'm engaged to two women at the same time men old
boy that is no problem I'm engaged to nine different girls and going out with
nine others doesn't that make the nine girls you're engaged to angry of course
not they're happy they made the first team
gosh maybe you can take cousin daddy off my hands well tell her to come around
next week I'm holding spring tryout what conceit what's so wonderful about
Hartley Benson don't doubt me ask the woman who owns one with women who know
men best it's Benton 221
listen to this guy rave why Mel I tell you it's even got out of hand last week
I went to the flower show oh was I embarrassed why I won first place
I didn't even know they allowed poison ivy in the show
listen Mel you just made me very happy to deliver this message cousin daddy
told Betty's father about her engagement and mr. Colby said if you don't square
things immediately he's going to break every bone in your body he would have
broken you in half already except for one thing what's that he doesn't want
two of you around the house
Mel boy nice seeing me
what a character he gets women to kiss him sure he's tall dark and handsome
that's no trick the trick is to look like me and get women to kiss hey that's
impossible mr. Colby's gonna break every bone in my body if I don't get rid of
cousin dotty getting rid of her is even more impossible here comes mr. Cushing
maybe he can help me
hello mighty potentate uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh how's your wife in
good shape Mel the word is long the matter of fact her figures a cross
between a shape and a lump
you know last night is a little checking up on just look at these measurements 38
that's not bad now that's her ankle
26 well that's better for a risk 48 that must be your waist
68 now I know it's her waist
well can that be your waist well what about her waist
when I married my wife she had an hourglass now it's still glass and more
like a beer bottle you sound a little disgusted mighty potentate but the other
day we were out taking pictures my wife powdered her nose she put on her hat
she smiled and she said oh John I'm ready shoot me
yeah what a temptation
I don't know why I'm telling you all this
you think you've got troubles mighty potentate?
but if I don't marry Betty mr. Colby will kill me and it's a case of getting
married I haven't mr. Colby kill you yeah what shall I do?
Mel let Colby kill you to good clean debt
no mighty potentate oh how am I gonna get out of my engagement to Dottie?
Mel I just thought make cousin Dottie believe that you're a desperate criminal
kill her she'll break the engagement gosh that's the best idea I ever heard of how
to get rid of a woman how do you like that now I get the idea 20 years too late
oh what a terrific idea now I better send Zucchi up to tell mr. Colby about it
Zucchi! Zucchi!
Zucchi tell me what Mel said well he said he loves the
the the the the the the Betty thanks and he wants to marry her and raise she
children chickens no no children and he said he hates the dot dot dot dot dot
what's that? Dottie and Morse code he's gonna tell Dottie that Mel is a
killer he's a gangster he's gonna make believe he's from Scotland Yard
he say that? not in so many words
well he better do a good job because if he doesn't I'll
I know you'll break every bone in his skin and kill you
Mert, Mert, Mert, you'll see.
Is there a doctor in the house?
Now Betty, will you snap out of it, try and enjoy the party.
And forget that nincompoop, you can always get a man.
I don't want a man. I want a male play.
Hey!
I told you he has a plan.
Uh oh, here comes Cousin Dotty.
Oh, well I'm going to a lovely party.
And who would thought it would turn out to be my engagement party?
I hope you'll both be very happy, Cousin Dotty.
Now Dotty, after all you've only known Mel a few minutes.
Maybe he isn't the kind of man you'd want for a husband.
That kind don't live.
Where is he? I can't wait.
Put him on in a Glocka Mora evening till he's old.
I am Inspector McGregor from Scotland Yard.
Oh, hello.
My, but you're a bonny lassie.
You look just like Aunty Laurie.
And who do I look like?
Peter Laurie.
I was just joking, girl.
You two are a bonny lassie and you do look like lassie.
Who are you?
I told you, Inspector McGregor of Scotland Yard.
I come on very important business.
I'm here to track down that desperate, ruthless criminal Mel Blank.
Mel Blank a criminal? I'm engaged to him.
Oh, that's too bad.
According to our files, Mel Blank has been married eight times and he's killed all eight of his wives.
Well, goodness, no husband is perfect.
And that's not all.
He's wanted all over Scotland.
He held up ten banks, killed 45 policemen and shot 72 men.
What's he wanted for?
Carrying a gun without a license.
Well, I still love my Mel B.
I like him big and strong and powerful.
The only thing I hate is a weakling.
A weakling, eh?
Well, put mine and goodbye to all of you.
I don't know.
Something's going wrong somewhere.
Oh, I'm so happy to know that Mel is a real he-man.
I was afraid he was a weakling.
Oh, just think, a man.
All for myself.
Come in.
Pardon me, I am from France.
Oh, I was wondering what you were going to do.
I mean, oh, from France, eh?
What's your name?
Charlotte Rousse.
I have just come from Paris.
I came here to buy some American postcards.
Are you familiar with reading the pay and no more?
Oh, but certain more.
Two lovely fellows.
I am looking for my hairdresser, Mel Blank.
He is such a weakling.
Mel Blank, a weakling?
Oh, but certain yes.
He used to work in my beauty salon.
He was in charge of plucking eyebrows.
He used to pluck eyebrows?
Well, he did not have quite enough strength for that.
All he could do was loosen them.
I'll never forget the day we lost him.
He had a nervous breakdown.
What happened?
John L. Lewis walked into the place.
Take my advice, Dottie.
Do not marry him.
He will never...
Dottie, what's the matter with you?
I came just as fast as I got your telegram.
I dropped the ring, the trousseau, and smelling salts for the groom.
Where's the lucky boy?
I am afraid he was two weeks to come.
Oh, stop it, Mel.
I knew it was you all the time.
What?
I was just letting you have your little joke until Mother came.
Mother, this is my coming intended Mel Blank.
This?
Oh, don't look at the face, Mother.
He's got a wonderful brain.
He is intelligent, that's different.
Pleased to meet you, son.
What's this, moron?
It's great to meet up with you, son.
Dottie, come home with me.
The engagement is off.
Oh, now, Mel, my boy, I realize the whole thing was due to circumstances beyond your control.
Well, thanks, Mr. Coby.
And Betty, how do you feel about it?
Oh, Mel, darling, you know I'll always love you.
Gee, thanks, Betty.
And now that we're engaged again, I've seen just the ring I want.
That's nice.
And it's only $300.
Well, Mel, my boy, what do you say to that?
Huh?
Mel, say something.
If you smoke a tooth powder, keep smiling just right.
But use it each morning and use it each night.
It cleans your teeth, makes breath so sweet.
Use Colgate Tooth Powder.
A smile that dazzles, a breath that sweeps, teeth that sparkle.
What a thrill to have all three.
Then try Colgate Tooth Powder, Colgate All Purpose Tooth Powder.
It's rich, active foam gets into every corner of your mouth to sweeten your breath.
In seven cases out of ten, it's been proved Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops uncleasing breath that originates in your mouth.
And when it comes to cleaning your teeth, you can't buy a dentist that does a better job than Colgate Tooth Powder, the All Purpose Tooth Powder.
So for teeth that sparkle and a breath that's sweet, try Colgate Tooth Powder, the All Purpose Tooth Powder.
Use Colgate Tooth Powder.
This is Bud Easton, reminding you that Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show every Tuesday at this time.
Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blank's Thick Tooth Shop.
Say hello to HALO Shampoo for naturally bright and beautiful hair.
Remember even finest soaps and soap shampoos hide the natural lust of your hair with dulling soap film.
But HALO Shampoo contains no soap, therefore leaves no dulling soap film.
Even in hardest water, HALO makes oceans of rich, fragrant lather, quickly vanishes loose dandruff from dirt.
HALO needs no lemon or vinegar rinse.
Say hello to HALO and goodbye to dulling soap film.
Get HALO Shampoo at any cosmetic counter.
Remember, Mel Blank is the same time every Tuesday.
See ya!