Mystery House.
Mystery House. That strange publishing firm owned by Dan and Barbara Glenn
where each new novel is acted out by the Mystery House staff before it is
accepted for publication. Mystery House.
Understand I'm going to be doing a very sinister character in tonight's Mystery
House story, Barbie. You can say that again. Gives me the creeps. Complete with
quartet, huh? That's the title. What does it mean? Why, haven't you ever seen
advertisements for funeral homes in which the copy listed a price for funeral
services? Complete with quartet. Oh, speaking of advertisements. Which is
precisely what you're always doing, Tom. Right, Mr. Glenn. And here's a message from
our sponsor.
Okay, places everybody. Set the scene, Tom. Complete with quartet. The scene opens in
the reception room of the Renfron funeral home. Mr. Renfron, a polished suave
gentleman, has just come in and is greeting the night man Harry Canby who
doesn't look too wide awake. Well, did I wake you up, perhaps, Harry? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, boys.
I've been awake all the time. You know, some night I will stay on the night shift
just to see whether it's possible for you to look any more wide awake in the
small hours of blackness than you do in the morning. Any business, Harry? Joe
Graven brought in one of his boys. Got hit with an automobile. Hit with an
automobile? Yeah. No doubt. Any bullet wounds we must take care of on the corpse?
No, this guy was really hit by a car. Straight goods, he says. Straight goods. That
would be a refreshing novelty. I suppose Joe wanted the special funeral? The works,
he says, even including the quartet. Hmm. An excellent customer, Mr. Graven. I wish
we had a few more like him, buying in quantity. The body is in the receiving
room? Sure. You told me never to monkey with any of Graven's stiffs. Yes, I know.
They sometimes require the delicate craftsmanship of a master. Well, let's
take a look at this one. It's all right for me to go back with you. Betty ain't
here to take over the switchboard yet. Hmm. She is a little too late too often. Oh,
well, I doubt that Joe Graven's working this early in the morning. There will be
no calls. Come along. In the receiving room, you said? Yes. Yeah. This mangled one
over against the wall? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one. But, but the other one.
You said nothing about... There wasn't any other one, boss. Honest, just the one. This
man on the table in the middle of the room, who is he? I never seen him before
in my life, boss. Honest, I... Shut up. Stand back. Hmm. He's been shot through the
heart. Murdered, huh? No, no, no. He was probably playing with a cat pistol and it
went off accidentally. You blundering idiot. Who brought this body in here?
Nobody, boss. Well, from the extremely dead look of the gentleman, it's rather obvious
that he did not walk in here alone. Somebody brought the body in here last
night. You and I, we have to own the keys. I don't know a thing about it. I should
have known better than to have a stupid blundering idiot like you on night duty
here. What am I going to do with this body? Maybe somebody will come in and
claim it. You'll maybe... Don't tax my patience, Harry. Are people in the habit of
claiming the bodies of murder victims? Would anyone admit bringing it in? No,
maybe not at that. Harry, I think we're going to have a very private funeral. Huh?
Somebody has entrusted this body to us for burial. Somebody who appreciates our
skill and tact. Fortunately, we have another body. I'll get you, boss. A grave
will have to be prepared for the other body. The funeral for Joe Graben's boy
will not be until tomorrow. Tonight, we bury the stranger beneath the grave that
Joe Graben's late friend will occupy tomorrow. Oh, what good will that do? You mean
saving the price of a cemetery lot? You moron. I mean that nobody would ever
think of looking for a murdered man's body in the graveyard, particularly if
the body is beneath another coffin. When they find one coffin in the grave, they
look no further. You see, it's very simple. Yeah. Meanwhile, I have a little work to do,
Harry. You mean fixing up Joe Graben's boy? No, that is a routine matter. Even you
could handle it. No, no. I have a much bigger job. What? Determining who gets the
bill for the most profitable funeral that we have ever conducted. Huh? Somebody who
knows about the work I do for Joe Graben has selected me for the disposal of a
body. I have been chosen as a goat, and somebody's going to pay very dearly for
that choice, Harry. I'm going to play detective.
I told the boy at the desk to tell you I wouldn't see you. I don't know you. Karl
Renfron is the name. Perhaps you've heard of the Renfron funeral home, one of the
finest in this part of the country. Beautiful chapel, pipe organ, and a
special quartet for the deluxe service. What is this, a gag? If it is, it isn't
very funny. My business is never very funny, Miss Dear. What do you want of me?
You sing in one of Joe Graben's nightclubs, yes? Sure, whatever. I suppose you
read in the paper this morning about the disappearance of a handsome young
detective. I don't read the papers. Get out of here. His name was Peter Harley.
And he was working on the shake-up of the local underworld. How should I know
anything about him? You had a date with him last night after your last show. How
do you know? That is neither here nor there. You were the last person to see him
alive, as far as the police know. The cops? They know I had a date with him? Not yet.
They won't know until I tell them. But you said you didn't want to cooperate
with me, and so I'll have to tell them, of course. What do you want? Did you kill
Peter Harley, Miss Dear? Did I? Hey, what is this? Anyway, he ain't dead. I would make a
substantial wager on that. But you don't think I killed him? I had a date with the
guy. If you will pardon my singing so, that hardly eliminates you as a murder
suspect. Don't tell me you were madly in love with him. Your kind doesn't fall in
love with anything except cash. I don't know whether I ought to tell you what it
was all about or not. Then perhaps I better go to the police. No, no, I'll tell
you. That's better. He wanted to get some dope on Joe Graven. Said he'd give me a
hundred bucks for what I could tell him. I didn't plan on really telling him
anything. You were interested into hundred dollars. Sure, that's all. Why did you kill
him, Miss Dear? I didn't kill him. If anybody killed him. Yes? Nothing. You make it very
difficult for me, Miss Dear. The police. Okay. If anybody killed him, it was that new
piano player at the club. You seem quite positive. Well, Harley didn't give me the
hundred bucks. Said I was holding out on him. That if I wasn't careful, he'd have me
thrown in the clink, the louse. He said, if there's any tip-off on me, you get it,
Marie. Yes? That doesn't seem to prove anything about the piano player. No, he'd been
sauntering over to the piano and talking to her all evening. And he had a date with me.
She's known the joint. What's her name? Where can I find her? Name's Betty Lanning.
What? Repeat it, please. Betty Lanning. Why? You want her address? No. I think I can
find her without too much trouble. But what makes you think this Betty Lanning
had something to do with his death? He left me here at my hotel. I was scared of
what he said about the police and me giving a tip-off to Joe Graven. I headed
back to the elevator and then ducked out the side door and followed him. I was afraid
he was going to tell the cops something about me. Where did he go? Well, he walked up a
couple of blocks to a little all-night lunchroom and Betty Lanning was there
waiting for him. Thank you, my dear. You've been of great help to me. Perhaps I will
give you the hundred dollars that Peter Harley refused to pay you. Oh, yeah, I just bet.
You will come with me. It's a matter of establishing identity of the corpse
beyond reasonable doubt. I ain't going anywhere with you. I don't even know you.
You will, my dear. Of course, if you prefer to have an introduction to the police.
Okay, okay. I'm coming.
Hey, you got a real fancy place here. Yes, here's the classic beauty of Grecian architecture
soothes the nerves of the living. Right this way, my dear. Mr. Graven's been calling you
about the body. Oh, surprised to see fellow employee from the nightclub, Betty? Hey,
wait a minute. You're the new piano player in the club. How come you're over... You must be
mistaken. I was. Oh, no, I ain't mistaken. You play the piano. I'm afraid bluffing won't do you much
good, Betty, and I want to apologize to you. Apologize? For what? Well, I thought you were
rather lazy and shiftless the way you've been coming in late in the mornings and
evenings. Here I discover you're holding down both a day and a night job. Rather admirable.
I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, don't deny it, my dear. I would be rather proud
if I were you. Won't you show Miss Dare back to the receiving room, Betty? Miss Dare? But why?
She wants to identify a friend. I... Oh, I don't have any key. I have. And I'm going with
you. This way, Miss Dare. I'm surprised you didn't tell me about your other job, Betty. Just a minute.
Show the body, Betty. It's this one over here that she's interested in.
All right. All right. Oh, Pete. Pete, what have you done to him? You murdered him.
Ah, so you knew the man, too. You and Miss Dare both. You killed him. You'll never get away with this.
I did not kill the man, but I really can't let you run around screaming that I did. You've been
working for me and working for Joe Graben. I wonder who else you're working for. I... What do you mean?
I wonder if perhaps you might not be a spy. I wonder if you might not have put this man's body in here.
You're insane. A man should know his employees better, Miss Lanny. I really think it's time for us to have a
heart-to-heart talk. I've nothing to say to you. I have an idea you'll change your mind about that.
Hello. Actually, I just assume you didn't. You'd make such a beautiful corpse. You wouldn't kill me.
Hey, this is where I leave. I'm sorry, Miss Dare. I'll have to insist that you stay.
Has Harry left yet, Miss Lanny? No, he... he was cleaning the chapel.
Oh, fine. I was afraid he might have gone, and he does so want some experience in embalming.
Is Carl Renfron actually going to kill Betty Lanny? And who killed Peter Harley, the detective?
Why was his body left in the Renfron funeral home? We'll find out in the second act of tonight's story.
Here's news from your sponsor.
And now, act two of Complete with Quartet.
The scene is the receiving room of the Renfron funeral home, and Harry can be Renfron's assistant is arranging the embalming equipment.
You haven't got the nerve. You wouldn't dare. If it was me, I wouldn't bet on that, sister. If I was you, I'd start talking.
The start of the embalming process is very important, Harry. If you will give me the needle, please.
You can't embalm a life person. You... Oh? A common misconception, Betty. On the contrary...
Get away from me! Don't you dare touch me!
Perhaps you're ready to talk now.
I... Why do you want?
You're working with the police, I suppose. Working with this Peter Harley.
Are you kidding?
When I joke, you always see a smile on my lips. And my sense of humor is weak. I seldom joke.
I was working for Lou Dana.
Lou Dana? Why, he's Joe Graben's worst enemy.
Sure. Some of Lou Dana's spies, his undercover boys, began having accidents.
And the accidents always turned up here. So Lou hired me to get a job here and tell him what was going on.
Mr. Dana must be a smart man.
He's smarter than you, Renfron. And smarter than Graben.
I was giving him the dope every time a body came into this place from Graben.
Yes, but this job of yours as a piano player...
Graben never saw me here. His bodies always came in the back way.
I was doing so well here, Lou got the idea of having me work at Graben's place too.
We were finding out everything Graben was doing.
You're a much smarter girl than I gave you credit for being, Miss Lanning.
And you better be careful how you treat me too. Because Lou Dana's got enough on you to hang you.
If I were in your place, Miss Lanning, I should worry about my own neck.
The police are going to be quite angry about Peter Harley.
I didn't kill him. I was giving him all the dope on Graben's mob. The dope about Graben and you.
I suppose so. You know, Miss Lanning, I find such disloyalty rather distressing.
Mr. What would you do if you were I under such circumstances?
You leave me out of this. I ain't playing.
I should hate to think that Joe Graben would double-cross me in view of all that I've done for him.
I bet Graben bumped off this Harley guy for us.
Well, of course he did. Probably had someone following Peter Harley and me.
And when Graben finds out how Betty spilled everything she knew, he has his Harley fully erased.
Perhaps you could contribute something to the conversation about now, Miss dear.
I don't think Joe would do a thing like that.
Come now, Miss dear. You told me you followed Harley and saw him meet Miss Lanning.
You were angry because he hadn't given you the hundred dollars he had promised.
Now it isn't logical that you would let such an opportunity for revenge pass.
So it was you who tipped off Graben, huh? Why, you dirty little...
I ain't a stole pigeon or a double-crossing rat like you.
Sure I called Joe. Why wouldn't I?
Oh, you...
Oh, please, please, ladies, please.
This is hardly the place for such talk. We're in the presence of the dead.
You know, Harry, this rather hurts me. Huh?
Joe Graben, he's been such a fine customer. And to think he tried to take advantage of me.
I think we'll have to call him over here and sever business relations.
What's the matter, Renfron? Cops making a fuss about the guy I brought in last night?
Which one, Mr. Graben?
What do you mean, which one?
Oh, really, Mr. Graben, you hurt me deeply.
I've always endeavored to give you the finest service.
Funerals worthy of much finer people than those that you have brought to me.
Everything has always been conducted on the highest plane, with the finest music,
the most excellent caskets, beautiful flowers...
Okay, okay, quit selling me. I ain't kicking. I've paid you plenty, too.
And I've a beef on the prices. What's wrong with you?
If you wanted a free funeral for one of your victims, why didn't you ask me?
I don't like deceit and trickery, Mr. Graben.
You're off your nut. I don't know what you're talking about.
This extra cop who slipped in here last night, Mr. Graben.
Are you crazy? I brought in one. Harry's seen me. I told him all about it.
Wasn't even a hot job.
Ah, but the one you brought with him, Mr. Graben, the one you neglected to report.
You lie!
Please, Mr. Graben, perhaps you'd like to see him. This way, please.
I don't know nothing about it. One stiff I brought in, one.
And if you think you're going to shake me down to pay for somebody else's corpse,
you got another thing coming.
One moment, please.
In here.
Hello, Joe.
Hey, what's the...
Marie there. And Betty.
Say, what's going on here anyhow?
One thing that's going on, Joe. We found out what a rat your new piano player is.
Lou Dana she was working for, spying on you.
Oh, quiet, please, Mr. Quiet.
Teacher will know what a good girl you've been without you being so immodest.
I'll tell him all about it.
This is one of your nightclub's late patrons, Mr. Graben.
Him? Yeah, I seen him around.
Been murdered, eh?
I bet you don't know how or where either, do you?
Me? How should I know?
Your little pal, Marie Dear, told us how she called you
and told you this detective was meeting me.
She's put you right on the spot.
Huh?
I wasn't putting you on any spot, Joe.
She was giving this detective all the dope on you.
She was a spy, taking pay from you and all the other stuff.
She was a spy, taking pay from you and giving Lou Dana all the dope
on everything that was going on around your place.
And you told him you phoned me and told me about it?
Why'd you say a thing like that, Marie?
Because I did.
Well, it must have been a couple of other people.
You never talked to me.
Oh, your protests of innocence are touching, Mr. Graben, but unnecessary.
Nobody's gonna hand me your app for killing a dick.
That is not the point.
It is as far as I'm concerned.
Our friend Betty, who seems to have been working for both of us,
isn't going to give you the benefit of any doubt if this should come into court.
Peter Harley was on your trail trying to get something on you.
Yeah?
Well, I didn't know about it.
Betty, a member of her rival gang, was telling him anything that she could
that would get you into trouble with the police.
Marie Dert tipped you off as to what was going on.
She never did. She didn't...
She says she did.
She has no apparent motive for lying.
Peter Harley's been murdered.
Do you think you would want the case to go to court, Mr. Graben?
I suppose it's gotta.
No, not necessarily.
Not if you arrange for the right kind of a funeral.
You mean you can cover this thing up?
Such things have been arranged in the past,
but this is going to be an expensive lesson for you, Mr. Graben.
Yeah? What do you mean?
Somebody has tried to victimize me into putting out a free funeral.
This man died trying to uphold the law.
A noble hero shot down in the prime of his life.
He deserves last rites of genuine elegance.
Okay. How much do you want?
I should say about $50,000 should cover it very nicely.
$50,000? Well, that's blackmail.
Oh, but it will be a superb funeral.
Flowers, spatial carpet at the cemetery, the red one, even the quartet.
You'll guarantee I don't take the rap if I pay you the dough?
When the Wrenfront Funeral Home takes charge of a funeral,
I assume every responsibility.
I guarantee you that you'll never be charged with Peter Harley's murder.
Of course, Mr. Graben, you will make the payment in cash in advance.
Okay, you got your dough. I guess I can go now.
Have you finished counting the money, Harry?
Yeah, yeah, $50,000. It's okay.
I ain't gonna forget the way you shook me down, Mr. Wrenfront.
No, I don't suppose you will. Give me the money, Harry.
Here you are, boss.
Thank you, Harry.
Oh, by the way, I'm afraid I'll have to dispense with your services.
Huh?
I mean, you're fired.
But I ain't done anything, boss. I ain't...
I could hardly have a murderer working for me, Harry, particularly such a stupid murderer.
What do you mean? Listen, I ain't murdered anybody.
Hey, what gives? What's this all about anyway?
Peter Harley came here last night and asked to see the body that was in the receiving room.
He showed his police credentials, I imagine, and demanded to see it.
No, he wasn't here.
You took him back to the receiving room.
You were panic-stricken because you thought you would be in trouble,
that you would be implicated in the work we've been doing for Joe Graben.
Ah, you're making this up.
You've been receiving most of Mr. Graben's... Mr. Graben's cases at night.
You thought you'd be in it up to your neck. So you shot the detective.
You killed him yourself. You...
Hardly. Peter Harley and I were working together.
You and Harley? Why, you dirty rat...
When you brought your first case to me, Mr. Graben, I was scared to death.
So I went to the police.
And you got the nerve to admit it?
They told me to play along with you, to tip them off.
They've been building up a chain of evidence that will send you to the electric chair.
Thanks to me.
And you've been collecting from Joe Graben all the time?
Naturally, my dear. Even the gangster dad must have burial.
I didn't kill Harley, I tell you. You did it yourself. You have a key, too.
Yes? Try telling that to the police, Harry.
I'm afraid you'll irritate them.
You see, Harry, they tipped me off a long time ago that you were one of Graben's boys.
That you came to work for me because Graben had decided I was to be his undertaker.
Then... then I'll confess that Graben told me to shoot Harley.
Yeah.
Why, you louse, try to ring me in on your mistake, will you?
You told me to do it. I'll stick to that.
Unless you get me out of here.
I can do that, all right. This gun will do the trick.
Joe, you ain't gonna shoot us.
I ought to shoot Renfron, taking my dough and then tipping off the cops, shaking me down for 50 grand.
Come on, we gotta get out of here, Joe.
You sap.
Okay, come on.
I got a key, Joe. We'll leave Renfron and the dames locked in here.
Let them try to explain Peter Harley's body.
Yeah.
Oh, fine spot you got us in now. When the cop comes...
My dear, I don't believe you realize how lucky you are that Joe Graben didn't shoot you.
Really, I don't. If I weren't a law-abiding citizen, I would be tempted to do it myself.
You played unfair with me, too, you know.
Hey, what's that?
The police. I had the place literally honeycombed with them.
Oh, my, I hope the bullets didn't hit any of my precious objects, dear.
Oh, looks like most of them hit Harry and Joe Graben.
Yes, the wages of sin.
But...
I suppose I really owe them free funerals.
Yeah, complete with quartet.