Mystery House.
Mystery House. That strange publishing firm owned by Dan and Barbara Glenn,
where each new novel is acted out by the Mystery House staff before it is accepted for publication.
Mystery House.
The title for the story we're trying out tonight for a Mystery House novel, Barbie,
Murder is an Accident. I suppose it's about a murder that's made to look like an accident?
It's a story about a murder that is an accident, Dan.
Oh, but murder's never an accident. If it's an accident, well, it just isn't murder.
Oh, this is. Wait and see. Oh, now don't tell me you're going to try to fool me with a little technicality.
Well, say, Mr. Glenn, don't sneer at little technicalities. They're very important.
Not to me, Tom.
Why, they're important to everybody, Mr. Glenn. That's why we have to be so scrupulously careful of what we say in my part of the show.
Everything exactly right. Here's what I mean.
OK, places everybody. Set the scene, will you, Tom?
Death is an accident.
Tonight's story opens in a car that's rolling along a country road at five thirty in the morning.
Hal Bennett, editor of the Country Weekly paper, is driving and his wife is registering a mild protest.
I could learn to hate you, Hal, getting me out of bed at five o'clock just because some guy disappeared three years ago.
Oh, now, Pam, I thought you were a mystery fiend. Besides, I need you as a cameraman.
Photography's a wonderful science, but you can't take pictures of something that happened three years ago.
So why bother me just when I was having a wonderful dream?
Well, wake up and listen. You remember when Carl Jordan disappeared?
Clarion and Moop here from Chicago.
Yeah. You remember how upset his wife was?
I might even be upset if you disappeared.
Well, she said the last time she'd seen him was the night that a stranger came to the farm and asked for some help with his car.
And Jordan went out to help the stranger and, presto, no more Jordan.
Yeah.
But what does that have to do with my beauty sleep?
Well, just this, my pet. Who do you think walked in and signed a confession last night?
You.
Yeah. Oh, now, be serious. Henry Paulson.
Not Henry Paulson, the president of the Farmer's State Bank.
Right. The sheriff's got him out on a farm now looking for Jordan's grave.
Grave? Ooh. You mean Henry Paulson murdered Jordan?
Well, could be. Sheriff Olson's being very mysterious about the whole business.
Has some kind of a signed confession. Telephone operator tipped me off.
Hmph. I thought you said murder mystery. There's only one suspect and he's already confessed.
Listen, my love. Big operators like Henry Paulson don't sign confessions unless they have an ace up the sleeve.
Extenuating circumstances to you, my dear. And we're going to find the catch.
Okay, I surrender. Only give me two more minutes to sleep.
Oh, no, you don't. No, no. We're here. The Paulson farm.
Hey, is that the sheriff over there digging?
Yeah, looks like him. And that's Paulson with him. Come on. We'll go down and see if they found the grave.
Walking through a cornfield is certainly great on my line.
I'll make Olson get you a new pair on his expense account.
Hey, Oscar. How you doing?
Benef. Eh, I don't know when you would find out about this.
Why don't you newspapers newsers mind your own business?
You will get no news till I want you to have it.
Come on, I take it easy, Oscar. We're not here to bother you. We just want to help you out.
Excuse me, Mrs. Bennett. I don't mean to be rude, but I got to watch when your husband is around.
And besides, I got a very important suspect.
Important? I don't know why you should treat Henry Paulson any different from any other criminal.
You aren't afraid of him, are you?
Ain't afraid of nobody, but I got to find Carl Jordan's body and Paulson is the only one who knows where it is.
I got to be nice to him just until...
We understand, Sheriff.
He's admitted to murder, has he?
He says Carl Jordan died accidentally and he bury him secret to avoid scandal for the bank.
Oh, brother, does that sound fishy?
Accident, eh?
Well, Henry Paulson's been...
Excuse me, Mrs. Bennett, sort of sweet on Carl Jordan's wife for many years.
You don't need to apologize for mentioning it, Sheriff. I remember a case like that in Chicago.
Why, Mrs. Jordan has a grown son.
That's right. He just got back from Chile.
Your mining engineer. He's coming back. That is why Henry Paulson confessed.
Seems like the Jordan boy made his mother tell him everything about old Carl's disappearance.
Mrs. Jordan told her son Paulson killed Carl?
She told him enough so Paulson were afraid of the Jordan boy start talking.
That is why Paulson come to me to tell his story.
He admits being responsible for Jordan's death?
He says Carl Jordan took some cattle into Omaha and his wife think he don't come back for several days.
I could tell it to your husband better.
You mean Paulson was making a good thing out of the husband's absence?
Yeah. He was visiting Mrs. Jordan and Jordan come home early and found him in the living room.
Of course, Jordan was plenty mad.
How unreasonable.
He start to slug Paulson and Paulson slug right back and all at once Paulson say he sees Jordan fall and on the floor beside him is a big heavy brass vase.
A brass vase?
Paulson claim the vase fall off the mantle and crack Jordan's skull.
He swears he don't have his hands on it.
And that's supposed to make Jordan's death an accident?
Maybe.
What about Mrs. Jordan though?
Well, I got Hennegan out there now.
Isn't she involved too? I mean hiding her husband's death?
Paulson takes all the blame for that. He says he and the lady were good friends.
But I can't arrest her for that. I got to get back to my prisoner now. You better go away.
Okay, Oscar. But don't forget now.
Hey, hell, look.
What's the matter?
Over there on the road. There's a man getting out of our car. Come on.
Yeah.
Oh, my nylon.
Hey, he's back in his own car now. We're too late. Quick, Pam. Your camera.
That telephoto lens will pick up the license plate.
Okay.
But why? Do you think he stole something from us?
Just a hunch, sweetheart. But any guy roaming around here at this time of the morning must have something to do with the Paulson case.
Now, let's go see your friend, Mrs. Jordan.
It doesn't look like much happening here.
Yeah. Let's go over to the house and see if Mrs. Jordan will talk.
We're not the only ones interested in the Jordan farm. That horseback rider.
Who are you? What do you want?
I'm a horseback rider.
Oh, I see.
I see.
Who are you? What do you want?
Well, you must be Donald Jordan.
What about it?
I'm Hal Bennett of the Clarion. This is my wife.
We want to talk to you about your mother, about your father's disappearance.
Disappearance? You mean murder?
We've just talked to the sheriff, Mr. Jordan. He said Henry Paulson was helping him find the grave.
What do you mean helping? Paulson could find it quick enough if he wanted to.
He dug it, didn't he? Was he handcuffed?
You sound a little bitter.
Why wouldn't I be? Where I've just been, we don't fool around with murderers.
We don't pamper them, let them make fools out of officers. We don't...
But you can't call Paulson a murderer, yet.
The sheriff seems to think it was an accident.
He would, because Paulson told him so, and Paulson's a big man.
Big man. He's a mad man.
He stops at nothing to get what he wants.
Why, he's been threatening me since the day I got back from South America.
That sounds like he figures you know something.
Are you sure you didn't know anything about your father's death before you got back?
Now look here, Bennett. I don't know anything about this, see?
Nothing except that Paulson's guilty.
Mr. Jordan, please. If he's guilty, the law will take care of him.
The law? These American laws make me laugh.
In South America, we know how to deal with murder.
Paulson should be hanging now. Would be if it weren't for that stupid sheriff.
Now who's coming here?
Just another of your great officers of the law.
Miss Hannigan. I thought Olson said he was already here questioning Mrs. Jordan.
Hey! Hey, Hannigan!
Hi, Bennett.
Paulson told me no visitors. I'll have to throw you out of here.
Why, hello, Mr. Hannigan. We just want to talk to Mrs. Jordan a minute.
Well, you can't for two reasons. Chief of Witches, she ain't here.
What do you mean? I thought you were watching her.
That's like the baby watching the nurse.
If you know so much, Wiseguy, where's your mother?
And where have you been? How should I know where my mother is?
You were supposed to be watching her.
As for me, it's my business where I've been.
This is a free country, isn't it?
Oh, come on. Let's find Mrs. Jordan.
Olson will be plenty mad at you if she's disappeared, Hannigan.
Then he'll just have to be mad. She's gone, all right.
I was talking to her and she asked to be excused a minute.
She never came back.
But she couldn't just vanish. She must still be in the house.
If she is, she's awful good at hide and seek. I looked every place.
This is enough for me. So long.
Hey, where do you think you're going?
I'm going to hire some competent men to put on this case.
Why, you...
No, no, no. Let him go, Hannigan. Come on.
Let's search the house.
Thank you. I've been hard through the place.
Did you try all the doors?
Sure thing.
What's this? A bedroom?
Hey, Mrs. Jordan. Here, hang on. Help me untie her.
Mrs. Antwight, I was right here.
Hurry up with those robes, Hal.
Here, I'll get that rag out of her mouth.
Mrs. Jordan, what happened to you?
I don't know, Mrs. Bennett. My wrist...
Nobody could have tied her like this while I was here.
Maybe not Hannigan, but they did.
Mrs. Jordan, what happened?
I don't seem to remember.
Sharp pain in the back of my head.
Everything went black.
And when I woke up, I was in that clothes closet
and I had a rag in my mouth and my hands and ankles tied.
Oh, it was awful.
Did you look in this closet, Hannigan?
I must have. I opened every door I come to.
Well, you must have missed this one.
I answered that. Were you, Bennett?
Yeah.
Hello? Yeah.
He what?
Oh, wait a minute. How did he...
Okay. Yeah, sure. We'll be on the lookout.
Yeah. Thanks, Sheriff.
Yeah, I'll tell Hannigan. Goodbye.
What now? Paulson's escaped.
Somebody drove his car out there and left it with the geese in it.
No. Oh, he'll blame me for everything.
My son, he'll try to kill Donald.
Now, don't be so upset, Mrs. Jordan.
He can't hurt anybody while Hannigan's here.
But he has a gun in his car, a revolver.
Donald made him go to the sheriff and we've got to stop him some way.
I'm afraid.
You've got nothing to worry about, Mrs. Jordan.
If he tries any funny stuff around here, I'll take care of him.
Oh, he has such a violent temper.
That night when he killed Carl.
Oh. So you're admitting now that he killed your husband, are you?
What? I don't know.
Can't you leave me alone? Can't you see I'm all upset?
I don't know what I'm saying.
Oh!
Hortson! Stick him up, fella!
No, no, wait a minute. He's hurt. Can't you see? He's bleeding.
Call a doctor, Pam.
Henry! No, don't shoot, Henry. For the love of...
Shoot?
Sheriff got me.
Spark plugs.
Spark. A doctor, operator?
You said...
Any doctor at all?
Sir, it's a matter of...
Save it, Pam. Save it.
Change that call to the coroner.
He's dead.
Music
Who engineered Henry Paulson's escape from the sheriff?
Was it Donald Jordan?
I hardly think so.
Maybe there's someone mixed up in this thing we haven't met yet.
And how did Henry Paulson get shot?
Was it for murdering Carl Jordan three years ago?
Or, uh, was that murder?
Well, it looks like we have a lot of questions to be answered in the second act.
And they'll be answered in short order.
But first...
Music
And now, act two of murder is an accident.
Hal Bennett, the Clarion editor, has just entered Sheriff Paulson's office.
Donald Jordan lounges incidentally against the desk.
You get the photographs developed, Bennett.
Right. And the numbers check.
88...
Y...
783.
Just like on the car Paulson drove away in.
I hollered that the blame fool to stop.
He should have known I would chase him in my car.
You fired the shot?
Sure.
I drove up alongside of him and yelled like anything.
He wouldn't stop, so I had to shoot.
Then why did you let him make that scene at Mother's?
Why didn't you take him right to jail?
Are you trying to be funny?
His car went off the road on into a ditch.
By the time I climbed on there, Paulson must have gone.
You must be a very fast man.
Not fast, maybe, but I'm doing a lot better than Paulson.
Cut the clowning, Olsen.
I'm going out and get my mother right now before something happens to her.
Just a minute, young man.
Just a minute, nothing. She's intending to...
Wait a minute, relax, Jordan.
My wife's with her.
And Pam can take care of any murderer in the world barehanded.
Yeah, I'll bet.
Photographed the car on the one Paulson drove away in.
Both had the same license plates.
And they're yours, Jordan.
Mr. Jordan, where were you when Paulson escaped?
Why, how should I know?
You weren't on your mother's farm.
I was in town making a call to the city, trying to hire some competent detectives.
And before, where were you when Mr. Bennett came to the farm?
Out riding. I've told you that a dozen times.
I guess I have to lock you up until you decide to talk straight.
You half-baked clown, you can't frame me.
You bungled this thing from the start...
Now look, Donald, all the sheriff wants is a reasonable explanation of your actions.
Reasonable?
Yeah.
Reason would be quite a novelty around here.
I'll give him some reasoning.
The kind we use in our mining.
Look out.
Oh, no you don't, sheriff.
Give me that gun.
Grab his legs.
I got the...
Oh, no.
Your gun, Olsen. He's got your gun. Look out.
And I know how to shoot it too, Bennett.
You have any ideas of coming after me?
What's the matter with you, Jordan? Get down from that window ledge, you fool.
I've had enough of this. A man who killed my father is dead now,
and that's all I'm interested in.
That and getting my mother away from here.
Come away from that window. You will get hurt.
Thanks for worrying about me, sheriff.
I'm going back to South America where they're more interested in justice than in theory.
Jordan, come away from that window.
Come on, Olsen, give me that gun.
You can't jump from that window, Jordan. You'll be killed.
The ivy on the wall will get me to the ground, Bennett.
So long, you chumps.
Jordan, you're crazy. Come back.
Still alive, huh?
Yes, but the doctor says most of his bones are broken.
He won't live long. Have you called his mother, hell?
Yeah, she'll be here in a minute.
She better hurry if she wants to see him before he dies.
Oh, such a fool.
Come in, Mrs. Jordan.
I'm sorry this happened.
Hey, wait a minute. Where's Pam? Didn't she come with you?
My son. Where is he? My poor son.
Well, he's in pretty bad shape, Mrs. Jordan. Doctors are doing all they can.
You're trying to tell me...
Oh, that's another one to take care of.
We'd better call the nurse and get her in the bed, hell.
You spent it, I guess.
Yeah, she dropped her purse.
Well, pick it up while I find the nurse.
Okay. It's open. Hey, wait a minute. Look at this.
What? Money, powder, papers? Not any woman's purse.
Yeah, but this. A tractor wrench.
I suppose women carry tractor wrenches in their purses these days, huh?
Uh, fire. I ain't got enough troubles without there has to be fire, no.
And the fire ain't here. Hello. Operator?
This is Sheriff Olson. Where's the fire?
What? What? Oh, my goodness.
Well, wherever it is, I'm not going with you, Sheriff. I've got to find Pam.
I don't like this business of Mrs. Jordan coming here without her.
Just a minute, hell. The fire's at the Jordan farm.
What? Well, here. Here. Grab her, Sheriff.
But she's fainted. She's got to be put to bed.
Bed? Nothing. She's going to that fire.
Come on, hurry, Sheriff. For the love of Mike, step on it.
Yeah, step any harder and my foot goes through the floorboard.
They're almost there. See the flames?
If anything's happened to Pam, I... Gee, I got her to stay with Mrs. Jordan.
It'll be my fault. Just don't get excited.
She takes care of herself pretty good for a woman.
Oh, well, hurry up, will you? The place is practically burned down.
If Pam's in there, I... Just try to keep yourself down.
Getting excited won't do any good.
Hey, Sheriff, over there with the blanket over it.
Sheriff, it's a body. Pam made it.
No, hell. Come on and don't get all excited.
Excited, but Pam...
Will you take a look, hell?
No, no, I don't want to look, Sheriff. I can't.
What would you tell me?
I guess I got to if that's the way you feel.
You're your fate right here.
Oh, I hope he's wrong.
Well, I guess I got to do it.
Hi, Sheriff. Isn't this the silliest thing you ever saw?
Doctor said I was suffering from a shock and he insisted on wrapping me in this blanket
like an Egyptian mummy.
Well, can't you say something?
Say something? Sure.
Mr. Bennett. Oh, Mr. Bennett.
Oh, darling. Darling.
Pam, Pam, just let me look at you, will you?
Oh, but I got smudges all over my face.
Well, you look pretty wonderful to me, baby. Smudges and all.
But don't you ever scare me like that again.
Scare you? Yeah.
Oh, I like that. If you think I staged this performance for your benefit.
And speaking of being scared, how do you think I felt?
It was all my fault, baby. I'll never leave you alone again.
Alone? Yeah.
Oh, hell, where is that awful woman? Did she get away?
Mrs. Jordan? She's in the sheriff's car, out like a light.
When she saw her son, you... What about her son?
Well, he got excited and tried to climb down the ivy on the courthouse wall.
Maybe dead by now. He tried to say he didn't know anything about Paulson, but...
Well, of course he didn't know anything about Paulson.
She did it. She's the murderer.
What? What are you talking about? The sheriff shot Paulson and Paulson killed Carl Jordan.
No, Mrs. Jordan killed both of them. She told me.
What? That shot I fired at Paulson.
Hey, my car. Somebody...
It's Mrs. Jordan. She's driving away.
Come on. We'll take the fire-cease car. The fast one.
The woman's insane. Hurry.
Yeah, well, don't worry. We'll catch her.
She's horrible. I can't tell you how horrible.
Wait, you're gaining on her, Sheriff.
Hey, catch her. Then we talk.
Down, Pam. She's shooting at us.
No, I'm getting mad. Hal, you hold on to the wheel.
Sure, but what are you gonna do?
Hey, you better duck down, Sheriff.
She ain't a very good shooter so far, but I am, and I'm aiming for the tires.
Yeah! You got him.
All right now, Mrs. Jordan.
I don't remember anything, Sheriff. After my son, everything.
I'm sorry.
I'm glad you've forgotten about trying to kill me, Mrs. Jordan.
I? No.
What happened, Pam?
After you left the farm, I tried to visit with her, just to pass the time.
She began to fidget around, and she was playing with her purse.
You hated me. I could see it.
Well, you didn't do much to build up any friendship, darling.
I asked her to lie down, Hal, and when I tried to take her purse...
I knew what you were after. You didn't fool me.
When she wouldn't give it to me, I was disgusted, and I started to walk away from her.
Right then, something hit me on the head.
That tractor wrench?
Well, I wouldn't ever have known, except that she missed.
The blow grazed me, and I went down stunned.
Then she gave me a nice, neat crack before I could get up.
When I came to, I was tied up.
And then she skipped out.
No. She sat down and talked as sweet as...
Well, you know how she always talked.
And she asked me over and over again how I wanted to die.
She said it had to be an accident.
Death is an accident, she kept saying.
All deaths are accidents.
The woman is crazy.
No. Just tired. Very tired.
It's been so long.
So long since what?
Since Carl disappeared. My husband.
His death. That was an accident?
I never loved him, but he never knew it.
The accident was that he found out.
I'm afraid you're not making sense, Mrs. Jordan.
It's so simple, though. I didn't love my husband.
Henry Paulson and I were very happy because we arranged everything so carefully
so that no one would ever guess we were in love.
But your husband's dead, Mrs. York.
Carl came home when he wasn't supposed to.
He found Henry Paulson there and he began to strike in it.
It was then I knew I had to kill Henry Paulson.
You mean you tried to kill Paulson and kill your husband by accident?
Isn't it funny?
She aimed the brass vase at Paulson, but it hit Jordan.
I didn't dare let Mr. Paulson know I'd meant to kill him, of course.
So he and I had to put together that story about Carl's disappearance.
Yeah, but this morning Paulson's escape...
You men are so stupid. I tricked you, Sheriff.
I told Henry I'd have a car waiting on the road
and that I'd have the spark plugs disconnected on your car
so you couldn't follow him.
I did, of course.
And I had everything all planned for Hannigan to kill him if you didn't.
That's why I was talking about his gun.
Oh, yeah, I remember. You said he'd try to shoot you.
Yes. I couldn't kill him.
I had to fix it so the sheriff would do it.
Or Hannigan. It had to be an accident.
And she tied herself up and put that gag in her mouth
so nobody thinks she left the car for Paulson.
What about the fire?
That was no accident.
But there was an accident.
The neighbors reported the fire too soon.
Otherwise, Mrs. Bennet, you'd have been accidentally burned to death.
Well, it was one real accident, Mrs. Jordan. Your son...
No, don't talk about it.
I've had all the accidents I can stand.
You've got one more coming, Mrs. Jordan, at trial by jury.