WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:09.600 A strange doctor weird. 00:09.600 --> 00:12.600 Good evening. 00:12.600 --> 00:18.600 Come in, won't you? 00:18.600 --> 00:24.600 Why, what's the matter? 00:24.600 --> 00:26.600 Surely you're not nervous. 00:26.600 --> 00:30.600 Perhaps a story might calm your nerves a little. 00:30.600 --> 00:34.600 A story about an undertaker and death. 00:34.600 --> 00:46.600 I call it Stand In For Death. 00:46.600 --> 00:51.600 My story begins in the small dimly lit undertaking parlor of Charles Thompson. 00:51.600 --> 00:56.600 Thompson and his son Paul are listening to the news broadcast. 00:56.600 --> 01:01.600 As yet there has been no further news about Tony Williams, a notorious gangster who less than an hour ago 01:01.600 --> 01:05.600 shot and killed Detective Walter O'Hara and fatally injured a six year old child 01:05.600 --> 01:07.600 in making his getaway in a stolen car. 01:07.600 --> 01:10.600 The entire police force is on the search for Williams. It is believed that... 01:10.600 --> 01:14.600 You think that Tony Williams is our cousin, a man like that. 01:14.600 --> 01:17.600 Oh dad, you mustn't take it so hard after all. 01:17.600 --> 01:20.600 No, I'll answer it. 01:20.600 --> 01:21.600 Tony, shut up. 01:21.600 --> 01:24.600 I want the whole neighborhood to know I'm here. Lock the door and pull out the shades. 01:24.600 --> 01:25.600 Hurry up. 01:25.600 --> 01:27.600 Why have you come here, Tony? What do you want? 01:27.600 --> 01:28.600 I need a hideout and this is going to be it. 01:28.600 --> 01:32.600 No, Tony. I won't let you hide out here. You're nothing but a mad killer. 01:32.600 --> 01:33.600 Yeah? 01:33.600 --> 01:34.600 Tony, put away that gun. 01:34.600 --> 01:37.600 This gun's the reason you're going to hide me out here, you understand? 01:37.600 --> 01:38.600 You understand? 01:38.600 --> 01:39.600 We understand. 01:39.600 --> 01:41.600 Then just do as I say and you may live. 01:41.600 --> 01:44.600 I'll have to lay low here for a couple of days until the heat's off. 01:44.600 --> 01:45.600 I've had a chance to make some plans. 01:45.600 --> 01:48.600 Well, come Paul. It's four o'clock. We must leave. 01:48.600 --> 01:49.600 Wait a minute. 01:49.600 --> 01:50.600 Where are you going? 01:50.600 --> 01:53.600 We're taking old Luigi Gambon to Woodcrest Cemetery to bury him. 01:53.600 --> 01:54.600 Woodcrest? 01:54.600 --> 01:55.600 Yeah. 01:55.600 --> 01:57.600 It's about five miles out of town, isn't it? 01:57.600 --> 01:59.600 Yes, that's right. 01:59.600 --> 02:02.600 Are there going to be any mourners at old Luigi's funeral? 02:02.600 --> 02:04.600 No. Luigi had no relatives. 02:04.600 --> 02:08.600 The city was going to bury him in a pauper's grave until we claimed his body. 02:08.600 --> 02:10.600 Ah, this gets better and better. 02:10.600 --> 02:13.600 Why are you so interested in old Luigi's funeral? 02:13.600 --> 02:16.600 Because old Luigi's funeral is going to be my funeral. 02:16.600 --> 02:18.600 What? What are you talking about? 02:18.600 --> 02:22.600 Look, I'm substituting myself in a coffin for Luigi. 02:22.600 --> 02:24.600 All you two have to do is drive to the cemetery. 02:24.600 --> 02:27.600 There I'll get out of the coffin and head for my hideout. 02:27.600 --> 02:30.600 After I'm gone, you bury the empty coffin and nobody will be the wisest. 02:30.600 --> 02:32.600 But Luigi's body, what do we do with that? 02:32.600 --> 02:33.600 That's your problem. 02:33.600 --> 02:35.600 No, no, no. I won't do it. 02:35.600 --> 02:38.600 You'll do as I say. It'll be three corpses in this room instead of one. 02:38.600 --> 02:49.600 Now dump Luigi out of that coffin and make it fast. 02:49.600 --> 02:51.600 We're starting now, Tony. 02:51.600 --> 02:57.600 Okay. Remember, if the cops stop you, don't let them get suspicious of us. 02:57.600 --> 02:59.600 No, Tony, we won't. We're... 02:59.600 --> 03:01.600 Paul, there's a man signaling us to stop. 03:01.600 --> 03:05.600 No tricks. If you try anything, I'll come out of this coffin shooting 03:05.600 --> 03:06.600 and the first two bullets will be for you. 03:06.600 --> 03:09.600 Be quiet, Tony. Here he comes. It's O'Hara, the private detective. 03:09.600 --> 03:11.600 O'Hara? The plot's brother? 03:11.600 --> 03:13.600 Yes. Now be quiet. 03:13.600 --> 03:15.600 Oh. Hello, O'Hara. 03:15.600 --> 03:17.600 Hello, Charlie. I thought it was you. 03:17.600 --> 03:20.600 Lucky I caught you. I was just gonna drop in on you. 03:20.600 --> 03:22.600 Drop in? On me? 03:22.600 --> 03:24.600 That's right. Who are you headed for? 03:24.600 --> 03:27.600 We're going out to bury old Luigi at Woodcrest Cemetery. 03:27.600 --> 03:28.600 Oh, Luigi, huh? 03:28.600 --> 03:29.600 Yes. 03:29.600 --> 03:32.600 I suppose you heard the latest about Tony Williams. 03:32.600 --> 03:34.600 Yes, I heard it over the radio. 03:34.600 --> 03:38.600 I'm sorry about your brother, O'Hara. He was a good man. 03:38.600 --> 03:41.600 You haven't by chance seen Williams lately, have you? 03:41.600 --> 03:44.600 You know I've never had anything to do with Williams. Never. 03:44.600 --> 03:47.600 Sure, sure, Charlie. It's just that I thought you were being Williams' cousin. 03:47.600 --> 03:49.600 He might just possibly have come to you for help. 03:49.600 --> 03:52.600 Oh, no, no. We haven't seen him in almost a year, have we, Paul? 03:52.600 --> 03:55.600 No. No, we haven't. 03:55.600 --> 03:57.600 That's all right, Charlie. 03:57.600 --> 03:59.600 Say, do you mind if I ride along with you? 03:59.600 --> 04:00.600 Huh? 04:00.600 --> 04:03.600 There's a few questions I'd like to ask you about Williams and his habits. 04:03.600 --> 04:06.600 But I just got through telling you I haven't seen Williams in almost a year. 04:06.600 --> 04:09.600 What are you getting so excited about, Charlie? 04:09.600 --> 04:12.600 All I want to ask you is a few things about Williams. 04:12.600 --> 04:16.600 Get this. I'm going to see that Williams gets what's coming to him, 04:16.600 --> 04:21.600 and I'm going to be awful suspicious of anybody who doesn't cooperate with me. 04:21.600 --> 04:23.600 Well, you mustn't mind my father. 04:23.600 --> 04:26.600 He always gets excited when someone mentions Williams' name. 04:26.600 --> 04:30.600 You know, we'll be more than glad to answer any questions, Mr. O'Hara. 04:30.600 --> 04:32.600 Yes, of course, O'Hara. 04:32.600 --> 04:34.600 What do you want to know? 04:34.600 --> 04:38.600 We can get started, Charlie. I'll ride part of the way to the cemetery with you. 04:38.600 --> 04:40.600 You can answer my questions on the way. 04:40.600 --> 04:44.600 But we can talk here. We wouldn't want to take you out of your way. 04:44.600 --> 04:46.600 Oh, no, that's all right. 04:46.600 --> 04:48.600 We private dicks always have plenty of time. 04:48.600 --> 04:51.600 I think there's enough room for me to sit up front with you. 04:51.600 --> 04:53.600 Just slide over a bit, will you, Charlie? 04:53.600 --> 04:56.600 That's it. This is fine. 04:56.600 --> 05:02.600 All right, Paul, let's be on our way to the cemetery. 05:05.600 --> 05:09.600 Dr. Weird's merry tale will be continued in a minute. 05:09.600 --> 05:12.600 Which reminds me, Doctor, did you have a Merry Christmas yesterday? 05:12.600 --> 05:15.600 Young man, don't mention Christmas to me. 05:15.600 --> 05:17.600 Why, what's the matter, Doctor? 05:17.600 --> 05:20.600 I was hoping to get a skeleton this year, but... 05:20.600 --> 05:24.600 Oh, Dr. Weird, I know just how disappointed you are. 05:24.600 --> 05:29.600 And, gentlemen, if you were hoping for an Adam hat this Christmas, but didn't get one, 05:29.600 --> 05:31.600 I can sympathize with you, too. 05:31.600 --> 05:36.600 The new line of Adams this year certainly are tops in design and quality workmanship. 05:36.600 --> 05:40.600 So don't be disappointed. Get an Adam yourself. 05:40.600 --> 05:45.600 Walk into any of the thousands of Adam hat stores or authorized dealers from coast to coast, 05:45.600 --> 05:48.600 and try on a fine-looking Adam. 05:48.600 --> 05:50.600 There's an Adam hat just for you, 05:50.600 --> 05:55.600 styled to bring out your best features. The soft-looking, genuine, all-fur felt, 05:55.600 --> 06:00.600 and the smart new colors also add distinction to the wearer of an Adam. 06:00.600 --> 06:07.600 And remember, that fine array of hats you see in the Adam store window is on the shelves, too. 06:07.600 --> 06:12.600 You're sure to find the hat that's right for you in an Adam store. 06:12.600 --> 06:15.600 Now, here's Dr. Weird. 06:15.600 --> 06:20.600 Now I'll finish my story, stand in for death. 06:20.600 --> 06:25.600 The hearse has left the city behind and is nearing Woodcrest Cemetery. 06:25.600 --> 06:32.600 Mile after mile, Paul is driven in silence as O'Hara questions his father about Tony Williams. 06:35.600 --> 06:39.600 Well, here we are, O'Hara, the entrance to the cemetery. 06:39.600 --> 06:41.600 Oh, so we are. 06:41.600 --> 06:45.600 Go ahead, Paul, drive in. 06:45.600 --> 06:49.600 But O'Hara, if you go into the cemetery with us, how will you get back to town? 06:49.600 --> 06:54.600 That's all right. I don't mind walking from the grave back to the main road. 06:54.600 --> 06:57.600 Go ahead, Paul, drive in. 06:57.600 --> 06:58.600 But O'Hara... 06:58.600 --> 07:02.600 Go ahead, Paul. What are you waiting for? 07:02.600 --> 07:08.600 I'm certainly glad, Charlie, that you and Paul aren't mixed up in Tony's escape. 07:08.600 --> 07:12.600 You know, if you were, it'd mean ten years of peace for you in the penitentiary. 07:12.600 --> 07:15.600 You know we wouldn't help a killer like Tony Williams? 07:15.600 --> 07:20.600 Sure, I know that. But guys like Tony have a way of intimidating people. 07:20.600 --> 07:21.600 Oh, but not me, O'Hara. 07:21.600 --> 07:27.600 Yes, Charlie, even you. Tony's smart, and he has an even smarter lawyer. 07:27.600 --> 07:30.600 Remember when he was on trial for the murder of that state trooper? 07:30.600 --> 07:33.600 He beat that rap because witnesses refused to testify. 07:33.600 --> 07:38.600 Tony had intimidated him, and he was acquitted even though everyone knew he was guilty. 07:38.600 --> 07:41.600 Yes, but this time he wouldn't have a chance of escaping the chair. 07:41.600 --> 07:43.600 I'm not so sure, Charlie. 07:43.600 --> 07:49.600 And even if he were convicted, let me tell you, the chair would be far too good for him. 07:49.600 --> 07:51.600 Don't you agree? 07:51.600 --> 07:54.600 Yes, you're right, O'Hara. 07:54.600 --> 07:56.600 Well, here we are. 07:56.600 --> 07:59.600 Oh, is that the grave you're going to bury old Luigi in? 07:59.600 --> 08:00.600 Yes. 08:00.600 --> 08:05.600 There doesn't seem to be anybody around. Where are the men that lower the coffin into the grave and do the burying? 08:05.600 --> 08:10.600 There aren't any. You see, Luigi died penniless. I'm burying him out of my own pocket. 08:10.600 --> 08:12.600 I couldn't afford the men to do it. 08:12.600 --> 08:15.600 You mean that you and Paul are going to bury him by yourselves? 08:15.600 --> 08:16.600 That's right, O'Hara. 08:16.600 --> 08:18.600 Well, I'll give you a hand. 08:18.600 --> 08:21.600 Oh, but that isn't necessary. My father and I can manage alone. 08:21.600 --> 08:27.600 Yes, the coffin is only a little cheap pie, and old Luigi weighs very little. It's nothing at all to manage. 08:27.600 --> 08:34.600 Nonsense. If you two are paying for old Luigi's funeral out of your own pocket, the least I can do is give you a hand. 08:34.600 --> 08:35.600 Come on. 08:35.600 --> 08:40.600 But O'Hara, it'll take at least an hour to bury him, and there's no sense in you wasting all that time. 08:40.600 --> 08:42.600 Besides, it's getting dark fast, don't you think? 08:42.600 --> 08:47.600 I'll help you bury old Luigi, and then we can all go back to the city together. 08:47.600 --> 08:49.600 But O'Hara, your clothes... 08:49.600 --> 08:54.600 Just an old suit. A little dirt won't hurt it. Come on, let's get the coffin out and get started. 08:54.600 --> 08:58.600 Now, let's ease it out of the hearse, out to the ground. 08:58.600 --> 09:00.600 That's it. 09:00.600 --> 09:04.600 Say, you two forgot to lock the coffin. 09:06.600 --> 09:08.600 Yeah, that's better. 09:08.600 --> 09:12.600 O'Hara, did you want to say something, Charlie? 09:12.600 --> 09:20.600 If you and Paul were mixed up in Tony's escape, it would mean ten years in the penitentiary. 09:20.600 --> 09:23.600 No. No, O'Hara, I didn't want to say anything. 09:23.600 --> 09:27.600 Okay. Paul, have you got the ropes you used to lower the coffin into the grave? 09:27.600 --> 09:30.600 Yes, sir. Here they are. 09:30.600 --> 09:33.600 All right. Let's get it over with. 09:40.600 --> 09:43.600 All right. Let the coffin down easily. 09:43.600 --> 09:45.600 That's it. 09:45.600 --> 09:49.600 Old Luigi isn't as light as you might think. 09:49.600 --> 09:51.600 Where are the shovels, Paul? 09:51.600 --> 09:56.600 Here. Fine. You use one while I use the other. 09:56.600 --> 09:58.600 Charlie, you'd better take it easy. 09:58.600 --> 10:01.600 While Paul and I shovel the dirt in. 10:01.600 --> 10:06.600 No. Not any of it. Let me have the coffin. Let me out. Let me out. 10:06.600 --> 10:09.600 O'Hara, what's the matter, Charlie? You're as pale as a ghost. 10:09.600 --> 10:12.600 You look as though you're hearing voices. 10:12.600 --> 10:15.600 O'Hara, don't. Don't you hear? 10:15.600 --> 10:18.600 I don't hear a thing. 10:18.600 --> 10:22.600 O'Hara, listen to me. I surrender. O'Hara will confess. 10:22.600 --> 10:24.600 I'll confess everything. The state trooper I murdered, 10:24.600 --> 10:26.600 killing your brother, the little kid I ran over. 10:26.600 --> 10:28.600 Let me out, O'Hara. Let me out. 10:28.600 --> 10:31.600 O'Hara, you heard what he said. You've confessed everything. 10:31.600 --> 10:35.600 I didn't hear a thing. And neither did you two. 10:35.600 --> 10:37.600 You understand? 10:37.600 --> 10:41.600 Yes, we. We understand, O'Hara. 10:41.600 --> 10:43.600 Do you, Charlie? 10:43.600 --> 10:47.600 Yes. I... I understand. 10:47.600 --> 10:51.600 Okay, Paul. And let's start shoveling the dirt in. 10:51.600 --> 10:55.600 No, O'Hara. Don't. Don't bury me alive. 10:55.600 --> 10:59.600 I'll confess everything, O'Hara. Don't bury me alive. 11:04.600 --> 11:07.600 Too bad about poor Tony, wasn't it? 11:07.600 --> 11:11.600 It must be unpleasant to be buried alive. 11:11.600 --> 11:14.600 You know, I've often wondered how long it takes a person 11:14.600 --> 11:17.600 to suffocate in a coffin. 11:17.600 --> 11:21.600 Now, if some brave soul were to volunteer for an experiment, 11:21.600 --> 11:26.600 I could... Oh, you have to go now. Too bad. 11:26.600 --> 11:28.600 But perhaps you'll drop in on me again soon. 11:28.600 --> 11:30.600 I'm always home. 11:30.600 --> 11:35.600 Just look for the house on the other side of the cemetery. 11:35.600 --> 11:44.600 The house of Dr. Weird.