WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:06.120 Our 30 minutes this program will present in person touch by stars as Fred Allen 00:06.640 --> 00:08.640 Mindy Carson Jimmy Larrani 00:09.960 --> 00:13.400 Jose Pereira Portland Hoffa Frankie Lane 00:14.000 --> 00:15.520 Paul Lucas 00:15.520 --> 00:17.520 Ethel Merman Russell Knight 00:17.520 --> 00:36.320 Danny Thomas Meredith Wilson and my name darling just to do the bank head 00:36.320 --> 00:54.160 the national broadcasting company presents the big show 00:54.160 --> 00:58.680 the big show 90 minutes with the most stimulating personalities in the 00:58.680 --> 01:02.480 entertainment world brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time 01:02.480 --> 01:08.240 as the Sunday feature of five show festival NBC star-studded five-night a 01:08.240 --> 01:12.920 week program extravaganza tonight's big show is presenting such top-notch stars 01:12.920 --> 01:17.760 as Fred Allen Mindy Carson Jimmy Larrani Jose Pereira Portland Hoffa Frankie Lane 01:17.760 --> 01:22.520 Ethel Merman Paul Lucas Russell Knight Danny Thomas and Meredith Wilson and here 01:22.520 --> 01:42.280 is your hostess the glamorous unpredictable Tallulah Bankhead 01:42.280 --> 01:48.840 this is radio 1950 the greatest stars of our time on one big program and the 01:48.840 --> 01:52.920 most fabulous part about this darling is that every Sunday we will present other 01:52.920 --> 01:58.480 stars of the same magnitude pardon me if I sound like a name-dropper but just 01:58.480 --> 02:02.920 listen to three or four of the names he blinded up the next week show Groucho 02:02.920 --> 02:09.720 Marx Annie Bryce Jane Powell and Ezio Hensel 02:09.720 --> 02:14.320 well I don't just sit there with your mouths open darling I know what you're 02:14.320 --> 02:19.560 thinking you think such a radio show every week is impossible and I'm sure 02:19.560 --> 02:23.680 that after you hear our first broadcast you're going to say that show was 02:23.680 --> 02:27.840 impossible oh no that doesn't sound quite right 02:27.840 --> 02:34.520 but NBC says nothing is impossible all it takes is courage vision and the king 02:34.520 --> 02:40.000 size bundle of dough each week that will be comedy drama music all performed by 02:40.000 --> 02:44.280 the biggest stars and confined of course darlings now and then a clinker may see 02:44.280 --> 02:47.240 can but we're going to try the minute just a minute 02:47.240 --> 02:51.800 I heard that last remark and I resemble 02:57.920 --> 03:08.440 Jimmy darling don't darling me I heard you call me a clinker I heard what you 03:08.440 --> 03:16.720 said clinker s t i n you know I've never accused you of being a clinker I'm 03:16.720 --> 03:20.760 deliriously happy you dropped everything out in Hollywood just appear on our show 03:20.760 --> 03:25.240 oh I didn't come here just for this I'm here on a secret mission to the United 03:25.240 --> 03:29.840 Nations really I've been listening to them UN meetings and I found out 03:29.840 --> 03:34.400 something what's that darling you know what I think no I think Malik and 03:34.400 --> 03:47.640 Vashinski are communists yes you SSR of course I'm sure that's why I'm here well 03:47.640 --> 03:52.160 I'm glad you're with us because we first decided to do this show I said it 03:52.160 --> 03:57.360 wouldn't be a big show without Jimmy Durante you did that's the kind of a 03:57.360 --> 04:06.840 line I can sink my teeth into let me read that again you did I insisted you 04:06.840 --> 04:11.200 be on the show oh you had to insist huh no no I even wrote them a letter 04:11.200 --> 04:15.480 recommending you I said gentlemen I have known Jimmy Durante for a great many 04:15.480 --> 04:21.360 years and I have always found him to be five feet eight inches tall five feet 04:21.360 --> 04:30.840 nine inches I now wear my hair in a nup sweet since last I saw you I grew some 04:30.840 --> 04:37.040 so I don't think you are darling no I I wouldn't settle for anybody but you 04:37.040 --> 04:41.960 because I've always been your greatest admirer well that makes an anonymous big 04:41.960 --> 04:49.440 boss because for years I've admired you from afar with that nose darling how 04:49.440 --> 04:51.440 else 04:51.920 --> 05:00.160 to lose that's a fight how you do come back after all I went through to get you 05:00.160 --> 05:05.960 on this program you mean it was because of my beauty and charm no my win smile 05:05.960 --> 05:13.680 my swimming voice no darling please I'm running out of reasons Jimmy I have a 05:13.680 --> 05:17.560 date off the show tonight would you care to join us I I'll get a girl for you oh 05:17.560 --> 05:22.440 no not me I don't go out on blind dates 05:23.920 --> 05:31.080 the other day a friend of mine gave me the number of a girl he wanted me to 05:31.080 --> 05:38.680 know blind dates are for me and when she answered the phone I gave him my sweetest 05:38.680 --> 05:42.240 hello snuggling up close to the phone I said 05:42.240 --> 05:47.440 Durante speaking how about going out with me tonight she says before I go out 05:47.440 --> 05:53.240 with you what do you look like what a dilemma should I tell her the truth and 05:53.240 --> 05:56.560 be turned down or should I lie and worry about it later 05:56.560 --> 06:00.760 there was no way I was 06:00.760 --> 06:04.440 I break my 06:04.720 --> 06:15.560 say I wouldn't say I was handsome say I was cute I'm not very tall but gosh 06:15.560 --> 06:22.360 down at all it's kind of hard to put in words you know the other night I made a 06:22.360 --> 06:27.640 blind date the same way over the phone I said hello she said hello come right 06:27.640 --> 06:32.520 over when I got there she took one look at my nose and said you sure must have 06:32.520 --> 06:36.040 hurried you forgot to hang up the phone 06:36.480 --> 06:45.320 yes it's time to put it in the world say it's not that I want to be mysterious 06:45.320 --> 06:53.600 honest I'm not trying to stall believe me I'm really quite serious I'm just an in-between 06:53.600 --> 06:59.960 rascal that's all I know I'm not good-looking but what's my opinion 06:59.960 --> 07:06.720 against thousands of others now I wouldn't say I'm fascinating 07:06.720 --> 07:14.040 too bad I'm not elucidating hey I wouldn't even try when we meet you'll know why 07:14.040 --> 07:22.200 cause it's time hard to put it in words you know folks I got a problem and really 07:22.200 --> 07:26.760 describing myself and it's getting pretty serious let's analyze the facts I 07:26.760 --> 07:31.800 can safely say I'm as pretty as Van Johnson I can safely say I'm as pretty 07:31.800 --> 07:37.480 as Tyrone Power I can safely say I'm as pretty as Cary Grant as long as this 07:37.480 --> 07:43.200 show isn't on television I can safely say anything I had a blind date with a 07:43.200 --> 07:47.680 beautiful gal and after that I met her every night for three weeks straight I 07:47.680 --> 07:52.520 was crazy about it because every time I kissed her she used to keep her eyes closed 07:52.520 --> 07:59.040 one night she opened her eyes and what happened I never saw her again say now 07:59.040 --> 08:09.240 I wouldn't say I was a highbrow my looks were greater than I'm brow say I'm not a Shakespeare it would take me a year 08:09.240 --> 08:17.240 cause it's time hard to put it in words yes it's time hard to put it in words 08:28.800 --> 08:33.240 Jimmy darling I don't know how you do it Jimmy Jimmy come back here you're a 08:33.240 --> 08:44.520 genius you're a genius Jimmy oh I wouldn't say genius okay darling I won't 08:44.520 --> 08:49.960 wait a minute wait a minute put up a little fight can't you? No time for that 08:49.960 --> 08:54.320 Jimmy I must now introduce our next guest you wait a minute you mean somebody 08:54.320 --> 09:00.600 else is in this show? Of course my sweet I thought you said I was the only one oh no 09:00.600 --> 09:05.000 my darling we have three exciting stars coming up now they're in Broadway's 09:05.000 --> 09:09.720 biggest hit call me madam presented by Leland Haywood the music by Irving 09:09.720 --> 09:14.160 Berlin book by Howard Lindsay and Russell Krauss and dance his stage by 09:14.160 --> 09:18.760 Jerome Robbins and here are the stars I was telling you about Ethel Merman Paul 09:18.760 --> 09:22.320 Lucas and Russell Knight 09:22.320 --> 09:35.480 okay chaloo I'm going to my dressing room if you need help call me and from 09:35.480 --> 09:41.840 the looks of these characters you'll be needing some pretty stuff 09:43.600 --> 09:49.560 I'm sure I'm sure I won't need any help here because in call me madam the great 09:49.560 --> 09:54.600 Merman is rocking Broadway and her role is lady ambassador she does she got the 09:54.600 --> 09:57.960 job as ambassador because she was Washington's most popular party thrower 09:57.960 --> 10:04.640 now tell us Ethel how you became the hostess with the mostess on the ball 10:04.640 --> 10:11.800 I was born on a thousand acres of Oklahoma land nothing grew on the 10:11.800 --> 10:18.080 thousand acres for it was gravel and sand one day father started digging in 10:18.080 --> 10:27.600 a field hoping to find some soil he dug and he dug and what do you think oil oil 10:27.600 --> 10:34.560 the money rolled in and I rolled out with a fortune pile so high Washington 10:34.560 --> 10:46.040 was my destination and now I'm the chosen party giver for the White House 10:46.040 --> 10:54.120 cleon tell and they know that I know what it takes to make them gel and in 10:54.120 --> 10:59.160 Washington I'm known by one and all 10:59.160 --> 11:08.160 as the hostess with the mostess on the ball they would go to Elma Maxwell when 11:08.160 --> 11:14.280 they had an act to grind they could always grind their act well at the party 11:14.280 --> 11:21.240 she's fine now the hatchet grinders all prefer to 11:21.240 --> 11:29.280 on the whole still with the mostess on the ball I've a great big bar and good 11:29.280 --> 11:35.720 caviar yes the best that can be found and a larger mound in my bank account 11:35.720 --> 11:44.240 when election time if you're feeling presidential you can make it yes indeed 11:44.240 --> 11:50.880 there are just three things essential let me tell you all you need is an ounce 11:50.880 --> 12:00.640 of wisdom and a pound of gold and the hostess with the mostess on the ball 12:00.640 --> 12:06.120 there'll be no mistakes I've got what it takes to make friends across the sea 12:06.120 --> 12:13.640 I'll make being smart and important part of my foreign policy I'll cement our 12:13.640 --> 12:21.360 good relations when I give my first affair they'll be special invitations to 12:21.360 --> 12:29.120 the Duke and Duchess there who's already written asking them to 12:29.120 --> 12:35.440 not the priestess with the leastest about the hostess with the mostess with 12:35.440 --> 12:44.160 the mostess on the ball 12:49.160 --> 12:55.000 the country ever is ambassador to is Lichtenberg now don't look for it on 12:55.000 --> 12:59.480 your maps darling is strictly a musical comedy country full of politics present 12:59.480 --> 13:10.280 and Paul Lucas welcome to Lichtenburg I don't think you know much about us 13:10.280 --> 13:16.680 except of course our famous Lichtenburg cheese 13:16.680 --> 13:23.640 I know very well you enjoy it and we would enjoy it too 13:23.640 --> 13:34.680 but we can't afford it for we must have dollars and so we send it to you at the 13:34.680 --> 13:39.640 moment I am not very popular as finance minister I had to cancel our annual 13:39.640 --> 13:44.520 Lichtenburg fair I shall absolutely decline to serve in this post again in 13:44.520 --> 13:50.600 next week's cabinet I shall try to be foreign minister I'm very curious about 13:50.600 --> 13:56.400 this new American ambassador of this fabulous mrs. Sally Adams what a 13:56.400 --> 14:01.200 fantastic country this America first they cleared the atom bomb and then they 14:01.200 --> 14:05.480 send a woman as ambassador to Lichtenburg how they love to play with 14:05.480 --> 14:15.960 explosive but least and work won't be offended we'll manage to stay alive we're 14:15.960 --> 14:32.120 not very touchy this quaint little dodgy that somehow seems to survive 14:32.120 --> 14:50.080 too small to be a city to be to be a power to have an army and we knock down 15:03.120 --> 15:09.120 too slow to please the young 15:09.120 --> 15:17.560 fast to please you too many who have copper pennies 15:17.560 --> 15:35.960 too few who have gold but somehow we manage to play the game while the other lands keep changing 15:35.960 --> 15:59.120 well whole어 15:59.120 --> 16:08.560 Being an American ambassador, Ethel's first official move naturally, is to offer Lichtenberg 16:08.560 --> 16:11.200 the loan of a hundred million bucks. 16:11.200 --> 16:17.320 Lichtenberg, being a musical comedy country, Paul Lucas turns down the loan. 16:17.320 --> 16:22.080 But Ethel falls in love with this new type guy, and she doesn't mind dropping a few hints 16:22.080 --> 16:24.080 about the way she feels. 16:24.080 --> 16:33.960 Money, money, money, money, money, money, can you use any money today? 16:33.960 --> 16:41.080 Money, money, money, money, money, money, nice new bills that we're giving away. 16:41.080 --> 16:48.080 There are photo-graphs on every one, Lincoln, Grant, and Washington, or you might like the 16:48.080 --> 16:51.080 ones with Henry Clay. 16:51.080 --> 16:57.080 Can you use any money today? 16:57.080 --> 17:02.080 Two million, four million, six million, eight million, ten! 17:02.080 --> 17:07.080 Take what you want, when it's gone, you can come back again. 17:07.080 --> 17:12.080 Bills that haven't been printed yet, you can have them by the pack. 17:12.080 --> 17:17.080 Binds that haven't been minted yet, that you never have to give back. 17:17.080 --> 17:24.080 Money, money, money, money, money, money, Uncle Sam puts it right on the line. 17:24.080 --> 17:35.080 And if we ever run out of checks for him to sign, you can have mine, all of mine. 17:35.080 --> 17:40.080 You can have mine. 17:40.080 --> 17:48.080 Money, money, money, money, money, money, can you use any dollars today? 17:48.080 --> 17:55.080 Money, money, money, money, money, money, we've so much that it gets in our way. 17:55.080 --> 18:01.080 In our treasury there's a mighty sum, millions we've subtracted from, 18:01.080 --> 18:05.080 the envelopes that hold our take-home pay. 18:05.080 --> 18:11.080 Can you use any money today? 18:11.080 --> 18:16.080 Home in the States underground, there's a cave full of gold. 18:16.080 --> 18:21.080 Back up a truck and we'll fill it with all it can hold. 18:21.080 --> 18:26.080 Take ten million and please don't fuss if you find it can't be spent. 18:26.080 --> 18:31.080 You can lend it right back to us and we'll pay you seven percent. 18:31.080 --> 18:38.080 Money, money, money, money, money, money, Uncle Sam puts it right on the line. 18:38.080 --> 18:49.080 And if that fellow with whiskers ever should decline, you can have mine, all of mine. 18:49.080 --> 19:00.080 You can have mine. 19:00.080 --> 19:03.080 Darling, you've heard this before, I skipped a cue. 19:03.080 --> 19:08.080 Lichtenberg being a musical comedy country, Paul Lucas turns down the loan, 19:08.080 --> 19:19.080 but Epple falls in love with this new type guy and she doesn't mind dropping a few hints about the way she feels. 19:19.080 --> 19:27.080 Please let me say from the start, I don't pretend to be smart. 19:27.080 --> 19:39.080 I just suggest what I think is having your interest at heart. 19:39.080 --> 19:56.080 I only want what's the best thing for you and the best thing for you would be me. 19:56.080 --> 20:11.080 I've been convinced after thinking it through that the best thing for you would be me. 20:11.080 --> 20:28.080 Every day to myself I say, points away, what will it be? 20:28.080 --> 20:52.080 I ask myself what's the best thing for you and myself and I seem to agree that the best thing for you would be me. 20:52.080 --> 21:08.080 Every day to myself I say, points away, what will it be? 21:08.080 --> 21:34.080 I ask myself what's the best thing for you and myself and I seem to agree that the best thing for you would be me. 21:34.080 --> 21:49.080 I only want what's the best thing for you would be me. 21:49.080 --> 21:57.080 Now to complicate matters, Epple's young assistant played by Russell Knight falls in love with Princess Maria, daughter of the Grand Duke. 21:57.080 --> 22:07.080 Epple and Russell have rough going in their respective love affairs, so they put their heads together and they're going to sing about it for you. 22:07.080 --> 22:13.080 I hear singing and there's no one there. 22:13.080 --> 22:19.080 I smell blossoms and the trees are bare. 22:19.080 --> 22:24.080 All day long I came to walk on air. 22:24.080 --> 22:31.080 I wonder why, I wonder why. 22:31.080 --> 22:43.080 I keep tossing in my sleep at night and what's more I've lost my appetite. 22:43.080 --> 22:55.080 Stars that used to twinkle in the sky are twinkling in my eyes, I wonder why. 22:55.080 --> 23:07.080 You don't need analyzing, it is not so surprising that you feel very strange but nice. 23:07.080 --> 23:18.080 I know the rose pitter patter, I know just what's the matter because I've been there once, once, once. 23:18.080 --> 23:30.080 Put your head on my shoulder, you need someone who's older, I'll drop down with a velvet glove. 23:30.080 --> 23:41.080 There is nothing you can take to relieve that pleasant ache, you're not sick, you're just in love. 23:41.080 --> 23:47.080 I hear singing and there's no one there. 23:47.080 --> 23:53.080 I smell blossoms and the trees are bare. 23:53.080 --> 24:04.080 All day long I came to walk on air, I wonder why, I wonder why. 24:04.080 --> 24:15.080 I keep tossing in my sleep at night and what's more I've lost my appetite. 24:15.080 --> 24:29.080 Stars that used to twinkle in the sky are twinkling in my eyes, I wonder why. 24:45.080 --> 24:54.080 Hello. 24:54.080 --> 25:03.080 I'm not going to tell you how it all comes out, darling, because you'll be wanting to see it for yourselves one of these years. 25:03.080 --> 25:07.080 What do you, Ethel Merman, Paul Lucas and Russell Nye, for making congratulations? 25:07.080 --> 25:08.080 Thank you. 25:08.080 --> 25:09.080 Thank you. 25:09.080 --> 25:15.080 Darling, here you are in another musical hit that's sure to run at least two years. How many does that make, Ethel? 25:15.080 --> 25:21.080 I'll bet you've been in about thirty musicals that have run at least two years. 25:21.080 --> 25:27.080 Well, I don't know the exact number, dear, but I'll look it up in my bank book. 25:27.080 --> 25:32.080 Yes, dear. 25:32.080 --> 25:40.080 Oh, and Paul, darling, finding Ethel in a musical, well that's no novelty, but how did you, a dramatic actor, decide to do a Broadway musical? 25:40.080 --> 25:42.080 Well, Tallulah, it's a long story. 25:42.080 --> 25:43.080 Well, that's very easy, darling. 25:43.080 --> 25:44.080 You see, it was... 25:44.080 --> 25:50.080 Oh, Ethel, Ethel, I suppose you must be bothered by hundreds of friends calling up a ticket for your shows. 25:50.080 --> 25:54.080 Of course, I wouldn't dream of bothering you about the two that I've been trying to get. 25:54.080 --> 25:57.080 A man stopped me on the street in Hollywood one day. 25:57.080 --> 26:02.080 Oh, it's no bother at all. I happen to have two tickets with me, but they're way back in the fourth row and knowing your eyes... 26:02.080 --> 26:05.080 I'll take them, darling. 26:05.080 --> 26:11.080 Oh, by the way, are you still charging the same brokerage fee you charged for Annie Get the Dose? 26:11.080 --> 26:16.080 And this man said to me, Paul, how are you? And I said, oh, I cannot complain. 26:16.080 --> 26:24.080 Why, Tallulah dear, I wouldn't dream of charging you, now that you've had to become a radio announcer. 26:24.080 --> 26:28.080 And this man says to me, Paul, what are you doing now? 26:28.080 --> 26:34.080 And I said, I've been talking to you, and we both laughed, except him. 26:34.080 --> 26:41.080 Oh, Ethel, darling, darling, for your information, I will have you know that I just finished a long run in private lives. 26:41.080 --> 26:47.080 And if you remember also, Miss Merman, you came to see me in that with two tickets I gave you. 26:47.080 --> 26:51.080 Well, I felt someone should show up to you. 26:51.080 --> 26:58.080 Well, this man and I stood there talking in the street for about an hour, and I caught a very bad cold. 26:58.080 --> 27:05.080 Ethel, my pet, private lives happened to be one of my biggest hits, and there were many others, as you well know, the little foxes, if you please. 27:05.080 --> 27:16.080 I've been in a few myself. There was Girl Crazy, Dark Victory, Anything Goes, Skin of Our Teeth, Panama Hattie, Private Lives, Annie Get Your Gun, Private Lives. 27:16.080 --> 27:22.080 I went home and took a hot bath, but my cold didn't get better. 27:22.080 --> 27:23.080 Call me, madam. 27:23.080 --> 27:24.080 Pal Joey. 27:24.080 --> 27:26.080 You weren't in Pal Joey. 27:26.080 --> 27:32.080 No, but Gene Kelly, who happens to be one of my very best friends, was in it, and she gave me two tickets. 27:32.080 --> 27:34.080 She got you tickets. 27:34.080 --> 27:37.080 So I finally decided I'd better go and see my doctor. 27:37.080 --> 27:42.080 And besides, Lou, Pal Joey happened to be a musical, something you've never been in, my dear. 27:42.080 --> 27:46.080 Well, of course I haven't, darling. I'm a legitimate theater. 27:46.080 --> 27:48.080 Great dramatic plays. 27:48.080 --> 27:52.080 My doctor is a specialist in calls. He has them all the time. 27:52.080 --> 28:02.080 Great plays, huh? Rodney, it was beautiful while it lasted, but now we've come to the parting of the ways. We are through. Finished. Fini. Choice of one. Musicals. 28:06.080 --> 28:08.080 Musicals, indeed. Ha! 28:08.080 --> 28:12.080 I got rhythm, I got rhythm. 28:12.080 --> 28:14.080 And my doctor cured me. 28:14.080 --> 28:17.080 I got rhythm, I got rhythm. 28:17.080 --> 28:21.080 Who can ask for anything more? 28:21.080 --> 28:27.080 Oh, Paul, my dear Paul, I've neglected you, haven't I? Now, what were you saying, dear? 28:27.080 --> 28:32.080 Well, it is a long story, Talula. You see a man stopped me on the street in Hollywood one day. 28:32.080 --> 28:35.080 Oh, Talula dear, will you excuse me? I have to go to my dressing room and change for my next scene. 28:35.080 --> 28:42.080 Oh, of course, Emdol. Go right ahead. It was so nice talking to you. We always have such stimulating conversations when we get together, don't we, darling? 28:42.080 --> 28:48.080 Oh, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. And I want you to know, Talula, that Paul and I have had such fun working with you, haven't we, Paul? 28:48.080 --> 28:50.080 And this man says to be fraud. 28:50.080 --> 28:57.080 I want you to know, Talula, that it's an honor and a pleasure to be on the same stage with such a gracious and talented artist as you are. 28:57.080 --> 28:59.080 Now, just a minute. What do you mean by that? 28:59.080 --> 29:06.080 Oh, Talula, for goodness sake, let's not start that again, because if you do, I'm liable to haul off and ring your chimes. 29:06.080 --> 29:29.080 If anybody is going to ring my chimes around here, I'm going to ring my chimes. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company. 29:36.080 --> 29:47.080 The Big Show. This is the national broadcasting company Sunday Extravaganza with the most scintillating personalities in show business. 29:47.080 --> 29:56.080 This portion of the program is the Sunday feature of NBC's star-studded five-show festival of comedy, music, drama, and mystery, presented five nights a week. 29:56.080 --> 30:07.080 And brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television, and by the makers of Anison for fast relief from pain of headache, ureitis, and neuralgia. 30:07.080 --> 30:19.080 The big stars in our first program are Fred Allen, Mindy Carson, Jimmy Durante, Jose Ferrer, Portland Hopper, Frankie Lane, Paul Lucas, Ethel Merman, Russell Knight, Danny Thomas, and Meredith Wilson. 30:19.080 --> 30:36.080 And here is your hostess, the glamorous, Deluna Bankhead. 30:36.080 --> 30:44.080 You know, darlings, we have more stars on this show than there are in the Milky Way. From the candy bar, the same thing. 30:44.080 --> 30:51.080 We have assembled in our show in Radio City Center Theater in New York some of the greatest entertainers of our time. We have such people as... 30:51.080 --> 30:54.080 Just a minute, just a minute. Hold the show. Stop that dialogue. 30:54.080 --> 30:57.080 James Durante, what's the matter now? 30:57.080 --> 31:08.080 What's the matter, she says. I'm sitting in my dressing room in front of my mirror, plucking my eyebrows, putting on my makeup. Max Factor Injunu, number two. 31:08.080 --> 31:13.080 When I look in the mirror, the fella in the mirror ain't doing the same thing as I'm doing. 31:13.080 --> 31:15.080 Well, who was it? 31:15.080 --> 31:18.080 I don't know, but there he is standing out there now. 31:18.080 --> 31:27.080 Oh, Jimmy, that Danny Thomas. 31:27.080 --> 31:29.080 Danny Dolly. 31:29.080 --> 31:30.080 Just a minute, you. 31:30.080 --> 31:31.080 You mean me? 31:31.080 --> 31:37.080 Yeah, you. I want to ask you a question. Answer yes or no. Where did you get that nose? 31:37.080 --> 31:40.080 I may have asked you the same question. Where did you get your nose? 31:40.080 --> 31:42.080 I had this nose for years. 31:42.080 --> 31:43.080 Oh, now please, darling. 31:43.080 --> 31:48.080 Stay out of this, no nose. 31:48.080 --> 31:56.080 This is a catastrophe. There's only room on this program for one schnozola. Either he takes his nose and goes, or I take my nose and goes. 31:56.080 --> 31:58.080 Goodbye, Jimmy, darling. 31:58.080 --> 32:00.080 This is sabotage. 32:00.080 --> 32:04.080 Okay, I'm going, and after the show I'll be waiting outside for you and your nose. 32:04.080 --> 32:06.080 Yeah, what are you going to do about my nose? 32:06.080 --> 32:11.080 I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. 32:11.080 --> 32:20.080 He's a whimsical character, isn't he? Another impersonator. I suppose everybody thinks he can do an impression of Jimmy Durante. 32:20.080 --> 32:21.080 No, darling, that was. 32:21.080 --> 32:25.080 How do you like the nerve of that guy? He doesn't like my nose. He didn't even give it a chance. 32:25.080 --> 32:30.080 I should have said, I should have said, it's a kind of a nose that grows on you. I should have said. Who do you think he is, Durante? 32:30.080 --> 32:31.080 It was me. 32:31.080 --> 32:37.080 Either your nose goes or my nose goes, he says. I should have said, well, you take yours and blow, I should have said. 32:37.080 --> 32:42.080 I should have said, I should have said. Now look here, Durante, I don't. That was Durante? 32:42.080 --> 32:50.080 And pussies. Why don't you tell me? He's my favorite. I've idolized him ever since I was a kid. 32:50.080 --> 32:52.080 Oh, well, Danny, you can apologize to him later. 32:52.080 --> 32:57.080 Well, I most certainly will apologize. I'll get down on my hands and nose. I mean, knees. 32:57.080 --> 33:02.080 But look, Tallulah, I don't want any trouble with anybody. I'm at peace with the world, honest I am. 33:02.080 --> 33:08.080 I've been to a psychiatrist. I feel wonderful. As a matter of fact, I have a song on the subject. 33:08.080 --> 33:10.080 Oh, all right, Danny. Will you tell us about it, Danny? Come on. 33:10.080 --> 33:17.080 I'd love to tell you about it. There seems to be so much chaos in the world, people hating everybody and everybody in a big hurry to die. 33:17.080 --> 33:25.080 I figured that a little philosophy would help. In other words, things aren't so bad that they couldn't be worse, so don't worry, they'll be worse. 33:25.080 --> 33:32.080 The title of the song is Take it Easy, Be Casual, Relapse. 33:32.080 --> 33:40.080 Does this hectic world around you get you down? Are you gloomier than anyone in town? 33:40.080 --> 33:52.080 May I in all humility suggest a simple cure? And if you care to heed it, you'll be happier, I'm sure. 33:52.080 --> 34:05.080 For instance, when you're betting on a horse, you're going to win a course. You're already planning on two new Cadillacs. 34:05.080 --> 34:16.080 When you lose, make this note just before you cut your throat. Take it easy, be casual, relax. 34:16.080 --> 34:27.080 Or when you come home late some nights, you don't put out the lights as you quietly remove your coat and your slacks. 34:27.080 --> 34:39.080 When the lights glare in your eyes and your friends all yell, surprise! Take it easy, be casual, but pull your pants up. 34:39.080 --> 34:47.080 No, I say that because it can be too casual. And if you're too casual, you're liable to become blase. 34:47.080 --> 34:54.080 And if you're blazed, you're not having fun. No, with you everything is ass-so-whack. 34:54.080 --> 35:00.080 That's an awful thing, to drive people to suicide, ass-so-whack. 35:00.080 --> 35:05.080 I know a story about a fallout on the West Coast, not too long ago. He went to a rancher and he said to the fallout, 35:05.080 --> 35:10.080 sell me a horse and I said, how much do you charge me? I have to have this horse delivered to my house tomorrow. 35:10.080 --> 35:14.080 The next day the horse was delivered. The fallout said to the rancher, bring the horse into the house, 35:14.080 --> 35:17.080 take him right into the bathroom and put him in the bathtub. 35:17.080 --> 35:20.080 His request was silly, but it was complied with. 35:20.080 --> 35:25.080 And the rancher said, friend, I've been selling horses for nigh on the 40 years. That's the first one I ever put in the bathtub. 35:25.080 --> 35:27.080 What do you want that horse in the bathtub for? 35:27.080 --> 35:31.080 The fallout said, look, it's my brother-in-law from the East. One of them wise guys, driving me nuts. 35:31.080 --> 35:35.080 Nothing impresses this guy. I took him to MGM Studios. I got Clark Gable's autograph for him. 35:35.080 --> 35:39.080 I said to him, aren't you excited, Clark Gable? He says, eh, so what? 35:39.080 --> 35:45.080 I took him to the Brownsville, to the Coliseum, to the Rose Bowl. I said, isn't this sensational? He says, eh, so what? 35:45.080 --> 35:50.080 Nothing disturbs that guy. Nothing excites him. Everything is eh, so what? 35:50.080 --> 35:54.080 Well, tomorrow morning when he comes running out of the bathroom and he says, hey, there's a horse in the bathtub. 35:54.080 --> 35:56.080 I'm going to say, eh, so what? 35:56.080 --> 36:06.080 Oh, take it easy. Be calm and be cool. 36:06.080 --> 36:16.080 Then, if your wife runs off with all your jacks, it could be worse. She might come back and bring her mother with her. 36:16.080 --> 36:21.080 That was cruel. 36:21.080 --> 36:24.080 I apologize. 36:24.080 --> 36:29.080 I wish to apologize to all the mothers-in-law present and those who are listening. 36:29.080 --> 36:34.080 Not mine, just to those present and those who are listening. 36:34.080 --> 36:38.080 I'm not going to tell mother-in-law jokes. I stopped telling those kind of jokes 14 years ago. 36:38.080 --> 36:42.080 That's when I got married. Since then, they haven't been so funny. 36:42.080 --> 36:47.080 But I read a story in a book on folklore called Mother-in-law Relativity. 36:47.080 --> 36:54.080 But to me, it's the finest bit of psychology coupled with humor I've ever read. And you've got to hear it. 36:54.080 --> 37:01.080 Two women meet in the street and after the usual salutations, one woman says, tell me darling, how's your daughter? 37:01.080 --> 37:08.080 She said, my daughter, thank God. Very lucky. My daughter married a man that's a prince. 37:08.080 --> 37:13.080 You don't let her put her hands in cold water. She stays in bed till 12 o'clock noon every day. 37:13.080 --> 37:18.080 Shops by sex like a movie star. And what do you think? Every afternoon, drinks cocktails. 37:18.080 --> 37:25.080 My daughter's very lucky. The woman said, that's wonderful and how's your son? 37:25.080 --> 37:36.080 Don't ask. That poor boy. He married one of those fancy shmancy girls, but got to stay in bed till 12 o'clock noon every day. 37:36.080 --> 37:43.080 He's loaded money by tax and she's a drunk. Drinks cocktails all the time. 37:49.080 --> 38:00.080 So when your business takes you far from home, and you call your wife on the phone, your name is John, and she says, hello Max. 38:00.080 --> 38:16.080 Don't be blue or discontent. Maybe Max will slip the rent. Take it easy. Be casual. If you want to have fun, this is how it's done. 38:31.080 --> 38:41.080 Danny, that was delightful. And what a performance you gave, especially for someone who's just flown in from California. You must be dead tired, darling. 38:41.080 --> 38:45.080 Yes, and I can say in all modesty that everyone thinks I'm a tired comedian. 38:45.080 --> 38:53.080 Not I, darling. You know, I told them at NBC who were planning the show that it couldn't be a big broadcast without Danny Thomas. 38:53.080 --> 38:56.080 How can I ever repay you for coming? 38:56.080 --> 39:03.080 With money. And no slow he. 39:03.080 --> 39:11.080 I was only joking, Tallulah. Believe me, I'm honored to be listed among the great names on this show. I would have appeared on this program for a song. 39:11.080 --> 39:16.080 Well, how lucky for me because I was wondering about how to introduce Mindy Carson. Mindy, darling. 39:16.080 --> 39:18.080 Hello, Tallulah. Hello, Danny. 39:18.080 --> 39:30.080 Mindy, Danny just told me that he would do this show for a song. So it's up to you, darling. How about it? 39:30.080 --> 39:49.080 Oh, yes, I'd love to. I'd like to sing my latest Darcy and Victor recording. It's called A Rainy Day Refrain. 39:49.080 --> 40:11.080 I'm dreaming to the rhythm of the rain. I get the sweetest memories from the rhythm of a rainy day refrain. 40:11.080 --> 40:34.080 I've got that little love song on my brain. I guess there's no escaping from the rhythm of a rainy day refrain. 40:34.080 --> 40:47.080 The lovely day we met, I still remember well. Who cared if it was just like the rain itself? 40:47.080 --> 41:05.080 An April afternoon of rainy day romance. The raindrops played a tune, our hearts together danced. 41:05.080 --> 41:24.080 We're so in love, I'll always love the rain. I get the sweetest memories from the rhythm of a rainy day refrain. 41:35.080 --> 41:47.080 The lovely day we met, I still remember well. Who cared if it was just like the rain itself? 41:47.080 --> 42:06.080 An April afternoon of rainy day romance. The raindrops played a tune, our hearts began to dance. 42:06.080 --> 42:26.080 We're so in love, I'll always love the rain. I get the sweetest memories from the rhythm of a rainy day refrain. 42:26.080 --> 42:46.080 The rhythm of a rainy day refrain. 42:46.080 --> 43:04.080 You folks at home, would you please glance over here just a second. What do you see? A small table radio, a console, a radio phonograph? For as low as $12.95, you can add the RCA Victor 45 RPM system of recorded music to your present set, regardless of size, age, or make. 43:04.080 --> 43:14.080 Now at this low price, you needn't be without the music you want when you want it. You've seen the Victrola 45 attachment. It's the automatic changer that plays the amazing 7-inch records. 43:14.080 --> 43:24.080 Everyone's going 45. It's all play and no work. Load a stack of your favorites with one hand in one swift motion, press a button and relax. 43:24.080 --> 43:42.080 45s can play as long as ordinary 12-inch records, and you can store them in a bookshelf. The 45 is yours for only $12.95. So don't put off all that pleasure. See and hear the RCA Victor 45 at your dealer's right away. 43:42.080 --> 43:54.080 Just 10 days from now, Broadway will have its first showing of a new movie which has already stirred vast excitement in all who love the tradition of a great performer in a great play. 43:54.080 --> 44:12.080 The movie is Stanley Kramer's production of Rostand's immortal comedy, Cyrano. And here in a sneak preview is the distinguished young star of the picture, José Ferrer, at Cyrano de Bellerac. 44:24.080 --> 44:44.080 The time, 17th century France. The place, the Theatre de Bourgogne in Paris. 44:44.080 --> 44:56.080 Angrily mounted on a chair, just below the footlights is the heroic figure of Cyrano de Bellerac, who has just stopped the play and ordered the foppish actor Montferri off the stage. 44:56.080 --> 45:12.080 In all France there is no one to match Cyrano as swordsman, poet, playwright and whip. And in all France, nay, in all the world, there is no nose to match the size of Cyrano's outlandish nose. 45:12.080 --> 45:17.080 Ah, but a member of the audience dares speak. 45:17.080 --> 45:26.080 Monsieur, how dare you interrupt the play. What a scandal to send the great Montferri scampering from the stage here between his legs. 45:26.080 --> 45:30.080 Did you know that Corsigis is a patron? Who is yours? 45:30.080 --> 45:31.080 No one. 45:31.080 --> 45:33.080 No one? No patron? 45:33.080 --> 45:34.080 I said no. 45:34.080 --> 45:37.080 What? No great lord to cover with his name? 45:37.080 --> 45:42.080 No, I have told you twice. Must I repeat? No, sir. No patron. 45:42.080 --> 45:44.080 And when do you leave Paris? 45:44.080 --> 45:45.080 Sir? 45:45.080 --> 45:47.080 The Corsigis has a long arm. 45:47.080 --> 45:50.080 Mine is longer by the three feet of my sword. 45:50.080 --> 45:53.080 Yes, yes. But you're the dream of daring. 45:53.080 --> 46:00.080 I do dream of daring. You may go now. You may go. Or tell me, why are you staring at my nose? 46:00.080 --> 46:01.080 No, I... 46:01.080 --> 46:02.080 Does it astonish you? 46:02.080 --> 46:03.080 Oh, your great misunderstanding. 46:03.080 --> 46:06.080 Is it long and soft and dangling like a trunk? 46:06.080 --> 46:07.080 I never said I... 46:07.080 --> 46:09.080 Or crooked like an owl's beak? 46:09.080 --> 46:10.080 Really, I... 46:10.080 --> 46:12.080 Or perhaps a pimple on and at the end of it? 46:12.080 --> 46:13.080 Oh, no. 46:13.080 --> 46:16.080 Or a fly parading up and down? What is this portent? 46:16.080 --> 46:17.080 Oh, please. 46:17.080 --> 46:18.080 This phenomenon? 46:18.080 --> 46:21.080 I have been careful not to look. 46:21.080 --> 46:24.080 Oh, and why not if you please? 46:24.080 --> 46:25.080 Why? 46:25.080 --> 46:26.080 It disgusts you then? 46:26.080 --> 46:27.080 Oh, my dear sir. 46:27.080 --> 46:29.080 Does its color appear to you unholstered? 46:29.080 --> 46:30.080 Oh, by no means. 46:30.080 --> 46:31.080 Or its form obscene? 46:31.080 --> 46:32.080 Not in the least. 46:32.080 --> 46:39.080 Then why assume this deprecating manner? Possibly you find it just a trifle large. 46:39.080 --> 46:45.080 Oh, no. Small. Very small. Infinitesimal. Tiny. 46:45.080 --> 46:51.080 What? You accuse me of absurdity. Small my nose. Why, magnificent my nose. 46:51.080 --> 46:53.080 My color? You're choking. 46:53.080 --> 46:59.080 You tug, you knob, you button head. Know that I glory in this nose of mine, for a great nose indicates a great man. 46:59.080 --> 47:04.080 Genial, courteous, intellectual, virile, and courageous. 47:04.080 --> 47:23.080 Whilst your face, that blank and glorious concavity which my right hand finds on top of you, is as devoid of pride, of poetry, of soul, of picturesqueness, of contour, of character, of nose in short, as that which at the end of that limp spine of yours, my left foot. 47:23.080 --> 47:27.080 Help. Help. Help the god. Help. 47:27.080 --> 47:29.080 I don't think he's saved me. 47:29.080 --> 47:32.080 Presently this fellow will go tiresome. Eh, Valvier? 47:32.080 --> 47:35.080 Oh, he blows his big horn. 47:35.080 --> 47:40.080 Don't just stand there, Valvier. You're the finest swordsman in France. Do something. 47:40.080 --> 47:48.080 Gladly. Monsieur de Bergerac, your nose is, your nose is rather large. 47:48.080 --> 47:52.080 Rather? 47:52.080 --> 47:54.080 Oh, well. Is that all? 47:54.080 --> 47:55.080 Well, of course. 47:55.080 --> 48:02.080 Ah, no, young sir, you're too simple. Why, you might have said, oh, a great many things. Monsieur, why waste your opportunity? 48:02.080 --> 48:10.080 For example thus, aggressive. Aye, sir, if that nose were mine, I would have it amputated on the spot. 48:10.080 --> 48:15.080 Friendly. How do you drink with such a nose? 48:15.080 --> 48:20.080 Descriptive. It is a rock, a crag, a cape. A cape. 48:20.080 --> 48:29.080 Say, rather, a peninsula. Inquisitive. What is that receptacle? 48:29.080 --> 48:33.080 A razor case or a portfolio? 48:33.080 --> 48:41.080 Kindly. Ah, do you love the little birds so much that when they come and sing to you, you give them this to perch on? 48:41.080 --> 48:46.080 Cautious. Take care. A weight like that might make you top-heavy. 48:46.080 --> 48:51.080 Eloquent. When it blows, the typhoon howls. 48:51.080 --> 49:02.080 Dramatic. When it bleeds, oh, the Red Sea. 49:02.080 --> 49:08.080 Simple. When do they unveil the monument? 49:08.080 --> 49:13.080 Military. Beware. A secret weapon. 49:13.080 --> 49:19.080 Disrespectful. Sir, I recognize in you a man of past, a man of, uh, prominence. 49:19.080 --> 49:24.080 Enterprising. What a sign for some perfumer. 49:24.080 --> 49:30.080 Practical. Why not a lottery with this as the grand prize? 49:30.080 --> 49:35.080 Or literary. Was this the nose that launched a thousand ships? 49:35.080 --> 49:42.080 These, my dear sir, are some of the things you might have said had you some tinge of letters or of which to color your discourse. 49:42.080 --> 49:49.080 Not so. You never had an atom. And of letters, you need but three to write you down. A-S-S. 49:49.080 --> 49:51.080 What? 49:51.080 --> 49:52.080 S. 49:52.080 --> 49:54.080 Sir, I warn you. 49:54.080 --> 49:56.080 And I, sir, warn you. 49:56.080 --> 50:06.080 Moreover, if you had the intention here before these folk to make a jest of me, be sure you would not then articulate the twentieth part of half a syllable of the beginning. 50:06.080 --> 50:11.080 For I say these things likely enough myself about myself. But I allow none else to utter them. 50:11.080 --> 50:14.080 Insolent puppy. Dolt, pumpkin, fool. 50:14.080 --> 50:19.080 How do you do? And I, Cyrano Savignin, Hercule de Begirac. 50:19.080 --> 50:21.080 He come down there. Come. 50:21.080 --> 50:28.080 Such arrogance. This scarecrow hulk. Look at him. No ribbons, no lace, not even gloves. 50:28.080 --> 50:36.080 True. I carry my adornments only on my soul, decked with deeds instead of ribbons, crowned with a white plume of freedom. 50:36.080 --> 50:37.080 But. 50:37.080 --> 50:43.080 I have no gloves. A pity, too. I had one, the last one of an old pair, and lost that. 50:43.080 --> 50:51.080 Very careless of me. Some gentleman offered me an impertinence. I left it in his face. 50:51.080 --> 50:54.080 So be it. Your sword. 50:54.080 --> 51:22.080 My sword. You shall die exquisitely. 51:22.080 --> 51:27.080 Well, Jose, that was a very exciting performance you gave, Cyrano. 51:27.080 --> 51:31.080 And I know when everyone sees you in the picture, they'll be even more thrilled. 51:31.080 --> 51:41.080 But I hope Broadway isn't lost, hasn't lost you to the movies entirely, you know, because, well, there are critics who consider you the greatest actor on the American stage today. 51:41.080 --> 51:44.080 Oh, well, now, Tallulah, I wouldn't say the greatest. 51:44.080 --> 51:46.080 Okay, darling, I won't. 51:46.080 --> 51:49.080 Well, wait a minute, Tallulah. Put up a little fight, can't you? 51:49.080 --> 51:52.080 I'd like to meet this gentleman of a name, Miss Bankhead. 51:52.080 --> 51:57.080 Oh, of course, darling. Jose, this is Meredith Wilson. Meredith, say hello to Jose Ferrer. 51:57.080 --> 51:59.080 Hello, Jose Ferrer. 51:59.080 --> 52:01.080 How do you do? 52:01.080 --> 52:06.080 Why, Mr. Ferrer, I certainly enjoyed that little recitation you just spoke. 52:06.080 --> 52:10.080 Recitation? 52:10.080 --> 52:18.080 Yeah, about the fellow with the big nose. It reminded me of a fellow back home. He had a big nose, too. Named Wally Parker. 52:18.080 --> 52:20.080 A nose named Wally Parker? 52:20.080 --> 52:28.080 Yeah. No, his name was Wally Parker. Do you think I meant his nose was named Wally Parker? No, his name was Wally Parker. 52:28.080 --> 52:33.080 How do you like that, Miss Bankhead? He thought I meant his nose was named Wally Parker. 52:33.080 --> 52:39.080 Meredith, dear boy, will you go on with your sordid little story? 52:39.080 --> 52:44.080 Well, this all happened back in my hometown, Mason City, Iowa. 52:44.080 --> 52:45.080 Yes, a one-nighter. 52:45.080 --> 52:54.080 Yeah, and one night he was going to propose to his girl, Suzy Witherspoon, but on account of his nose, he just couldn't get up the courage to ask her to marry him. 52:54.080 --> 53:06.080 Well, she finally married a fellow named Ralph Douglas. He's in the feed business. They're very happy. 53:06.080 --> 53:10.080 Tell her, is this the fellow who made that brilliant music for our... 53:10.080 --> 53:18.080 Yes, yes, darling, it is. But he's written a lot of beautiful songs, too. He has a new one now called The Peony Bush. How about it, Meredith, will you play it? 53:18.080 --> 53:27.080 Sure, I'd be glad to. Oh, by the way, I just happened to remember. The fellow's name was Ben Parker, not Wally. That makes it even funnier. 53:27.080 --> 53:50.080 Will you play Peony Bush? 53:50.080 --> 54:01.080 Every rose, every tree, and every bird and bee Seem to rate a roundelay or two. 54:01.080 --> 54:13.080 So a slight poetic bush, or my favorite bush Would seem to be long overdue. 54:13.080 --> 54:21.080 Was the peony bush there in my garden That made you turn around to smile at me? 54:21.080 --> 54:29.080 Not zinni nor godini, but it's fragrant perfume For every notch in fancy pots I rock in. 54:29.080 --> 54:50.080 But the peony bush there's in my garden It did the trick as quick as one, two, three. Please decorate my garden gate forever And never will there be any bush But the peony bush for me. 54:59.080 --> 55:26.080 Was the peony bush there in my garden That made you turn around to smile at me? 55:26.080 --> 55:34.080 Was the peony bush there in my garden That made you turn around to smile at me? 55:34.080 --> 55:42.080 Not zinni nor godini, but it's fragrant perfume For every notch in fancy pots I rock in. 55:42.080 --> 56:01.080 But the peony bush there's in my garden It did the trick as quick as one, two, three. Please decorate my garden gate forever And never will there be any bush But the peony bush for me. 56:01.080 --> 56:18.080 There are lots of other kinds of plants That nearly wouldn't hang Any garden I'm sure you'll agree But never will there be any bush But the peony bush for me. 56:18.080 --> 56:37.080 Every day you hear more and more about a remarkable way to relieve the pain of headaches, neuritis, and neuralgia. The name is Anisine, spelled A-N-A-C-I-N. 56:37.080 --> 56:44.080 Thousands of men and women first discovered these tablets when they were given an envelope containing Anisine by their own physicians or dentists. 56:44.080 --> 56:52.080 Perhaps you yourself at some time have learned about Anisine this way. If so, you know how incredibly fast and effective these tablets are. 56:52.080 --> 57:02.080 Anisine is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anisine contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. 57:02.080 --> 57:07.080 When headache, neuritis, or neuralgia pain strikes, you want relief and you want it fast. 57:07.080 --> 57:18.080 So for your own sake, try Anisine. Sold on this money-back guarantee. If the first few tablets don't give satisfaction, you may return the unused portion and your money will be refunded. 57:18.080 --> 57:26.080 Ask for Anisine at any drug counter in handy boxes of 12 and 30 tablets, bottles of 50 and 100. 57:26.080 --> 57:37.080 Uh, fellas, attention please. I didn't like the way you played that last number. There's going to be a rehearsal of the orchestra right after the show. Didn't like the way the clarinet section sounded at all. 57:37.080 --> 57:48.080 I want you four fellas. I mean, I want you five fellas. Five? Should be only four. Let me see now. There's Cousin Ed, Uncle Walter, Uncle Martin, and Gramps. 57:48.080 --> 57:51.080 Mm-hmm. And you, that fifth fella over there, who are you? 57:51.080 --> 57:53.080 It ain't Wally Parker, kiddies. 57:53.080 --> 57:57.080 Well done. 57:57.080 --> 58:06.080 Applause 58:06.080 --> 58:10.080 Greg, come on out here. What are you doing in that orchestra? 58:10.080 --> 58:13.080 Well, NBC, uh, he's still being convulsed. 58:13.080 --> 58:15.080 He is, is he? 58:15.080 --> 58:29.080 NBC, NBC has tried me on radio and they've tried me on television. Now while they're waiting for a new medium to come along, they're trying me on this special assignment with my clarinet, sort of freelancing. 58:29.080 --> 58:32.080 I see, darling. Now, what special assignment? 58:32.080 --> 58:36.080 Well, first the announcer, Ed Hurley, he has to ad-lib something about... 58:36.080 --> 58:46.080 This portion of the program is brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio first and recorded music first in television, and by the Whitehall Pharmacal Company, makers of Anise and Colonose, Fisodol, and other fine drug products. 58:46.080 --> 58:48.080 And then I'm supposed to play... 58:48.080 --> 59:11.080 And then the first chimes, the first time you ever had a half a tone chime. And then, then I am supposed to say, this is NBC, the national broadcasting company. 59:11.080 --> 59:22.080 Fred, my darling. You fool. 59:22.080 --> 59:23.080 Oh, yeah. 59:23.080 --> 59:27.080 It's so nice to have you back on radio. I've missed you. 59:27.080 --> 59:32.080 Oh, so you are the one. 59:32.080 --> 59:34.080 According to Hooper, you are the one. 59:34.080 --> 59:38.080 No, darling, we've all missed you. Why don't you come back, Fred? 59:38.080 --> 59:48.080 Well, I'll tell you, darling. I have been dabbling in something which, for the want of a better name, we shall call television. 59:48.080 --> 59:52.080 Please, darling, people are eating. 59:52.080 --> 59:58.080 Oh, I'm sorry. Say, you didn't by any chance happen to see me on my first television show, did you? 59:58.080 --> 59:59.080 No, I didn't, Fred. 59:59.080 --> 01:00:01.080 Oh, you weren't home? 01:00:01.080 --> 01:00:02.080 Oh, oh, yes, I was home, darling. 01:00:02.080 --> 01:00:04.080 Oh, no set, darling? 01:00:04.080 --> 01:00:07.080 No guts, darling. 01:00:07.080 --> 01:00:22.080 Well, you know television's a new media, and I have discovered why they call it a media, because nothing is well done. Oh, very little. 01:00:22.080 --> 01:00:25.080 Oh, darling, I think you're so funny. 01:00:25.080 --> 01:00:27.080 So you are the one. 01:00:27.080 --> 01:00:30.080 No, Fred, no, seriously speaking, darling. 01:00:30.080 --> 01:00:32.080 Well, as if we haven't been. What else have we? 01:00:32.080 --> 01:00:35.080 Well, no, no, no. Why did you leave radio? 01:00:35.080 --> 01:00:43.080 Well, I'll tell you, Tallulah, they wanted me to do one of those programs where you call up people on the telephone and ask them questions and give them prizes, you see. 01:00:43.080 --> 01:00:45.080 And that's why I quit and went into television. 01:00:45.080 --> 01:00:46.080 You mean? 01:00:46.080 --> 01:00:52.080 Yes, it was a choice between the medium and the telephone. 01:00:52.080 --> 01:00:54.080 Wait for law. Oh, oh, sweetie. 01:00:54.080 --> 01:00:58.080 No, no, don't, don't read the stuff in parenthesis. You'll skip that. 01:00:58.080 --> 01:01:04.080 Oh, I'm sorry. Well, anyway, I'm glad I was able to get you back on radio, even if it is only as a guess. 01:01:04.080 --> 01:01:05.080 Uh-huh. 01:01:05.080 --> 01:01:10.080 You know, when they told me about this big name broadcast, I told them it wouldn't be a big name broadcast without you, Fred. 01:01:10.080 --> 01:01:15.080 Well, in radio, Fred has been a four-letter word for some time. 01:01:15.080 --> 01:01:18.080 Well, in fact, I insisted that they put you on this show. 01:01:18.080 --> 01:01:21.080 You insisted you met with some stiff opposition, did you? 01:01:21.080 --> 01:01:23.080 Well, I had to go through channels. 01:01:23.080 --> 01:01:31.080 Oh, I say, I've read about those channels, but I had thought of coming back to radio if I could find a new formula, a format, you know. 01:01:31.080 --> 01:01:35.080 I did get one idea, and strangely enough, it came from Portland. 01:01:35.080 --> 01:01:37.080 She seemed to think that if I... 01:01:37.080 --> 01:01:39.080 Mr. Allen! 01:01:39.080 --> 01:01:40.080 Well... 01:01:40.080 --> 01:01:42.080 Mr. Allen! 01:01:42.080 --> 01:01:52.080 Well, as I stand here and feign surprise, if it isn't Portland now. 01:01:52.080 --> 01:01:59.080 Portland, Georgia, I had some more here. See, we didn't rehearse the audience. It says applause after this, but you see... 01:01:59.080 --> 01:02:02.080 Well, we didn't rehearse, and this is what's mixing things. 01:02:02.080 --> 01:02:04.080 Portland, you're just in time. This is Tallulah Bankhead. 01:02:04.080 --> 01:02:06.080 Hello, Portland. I'm glad to see you. 01:02:06.080 --> 01:02:08.080 How do you do, sir? 01:02:08.080 --> 01:02:16.080 Portland, I understand that you weren't on the first television show, Fred. 01:02:16.080 --> 01:02:17.080 Why was that? 01:02:17.080 --> 01:02:19.080 But my dress wasn't cut low enough. 01:02:19.080 --> 01:02:23.080 Oh. You mean a dress with a V-neck? 01:02:23.080 --> 01:02:26.080 A TV neck. 01:02:26.080 --> 01:02:32.080 Well, before this conversation gets too fey, Portland... 01:02:32.080 --> 01:02:36.080 Portland, how about telling Tallulah the idea you thought up for a radio show for me? 01:02:36.080 --> 01:02:39.080 Oh, I didn't think of it. Mama thought of it. 01:02:39.080 --> 01:02:42.080 Oh, your mother is writing for radio now? 01:02:42.080 --> 01:02:46.080 Well, by the way, I was on television the other night, Portland. Did your mother see me? 01:02:46.080 --> 01:02:51.080 Oh, she never could. 01:02:51.080 --> 01:02:53.080 You mean that your mother thinks that I... 01:02:53.080 --> 01:03:01.080 As Mama put it, to the high heavens. 01:03:01.080 --> 01:03:03.080 Ad lib a stinging retort. 01:03:03.080 --> 01:03:05.080 Fred, you're reading the parentheses. 01:03:05.080 --> 01:03:07.080 Oh, the parentheses. This jumbo type. 01:03:07.080 --> 01:03:11.080 Oh, yes. Well, Portland, enough of Mama as a George Gene Nuffin. 01:03:11.080 --> 01:03:15.080 Now, how about... how about this idea of hers for a radio show? 01:03:15.080 --> 01:03:16.080 Yes, let's hear the idea. 01:03:16.080 --> 01:03:17.080 The idea, please. 01:03:17.080 --> 01:03:22.080 Well, Mama thought first, you ought to have an announcer who's big and fat and jolly... 01:03:22.080 --> 01:03:23.080 Yeah. 01:03:23.080 --> 01:03:24.080 ...and laughs all through the program. 01:03:24.080 --> 01:03:25.080 Yucks it up, huh? 01:03:25.080 --> 01:03:30.080 And you ought to get an orchestra leader who's tall, good-looking, and eats ham hocks. 01:03:30.080 --> 01:03:33.080 Ham hocks. Well, say, Portland, that sounds like... 01:03:33.080 --> 01:03:38.080 And you have a young fellow who sings, and his mother always wants you to pay him more money. 01:03:38.080 --> 01:03:40.080 Singer, but, Portland, that idea... 01:03:40.080 --> 01:03:44.080 And you have a butler who drives your car, which is a broken-down Maxwell. 01:03:44.080 --> 01:03:46.080 Maxwell Butt. 01:03:46.080 --> 01:03:48.080 And you have a quartet that sings your commercial. 01:03:48.080 --> 01:03:50.080 Commercial Butt. 01:03:50.080 --> 01:03:53.080 And for your sponsor, you get a cigarette company. 01:03:53.080 --> 01:03:55.080 Cigarette Butt. 01:03:55.080 --> 01:03:59.080 And you'll be the star of the show, Mr. Allen. 01:03:59.080 --> 01:04:01.080 Oh, really? I can be in it too, huh? 01:04:01.080 --> 01:04:03.080 Uh-huh. You wear a toupee. 01:04:03.080 --> 01:04:05.080 You're always 39 years old. 01:04:05.080 --> 01:04:08.080 You play a violin, and you do your own laundry. 01:04:08.080 --> 01:04:11.080 And you have a washing machine that you rent out to your neighbors. 01:04:11.080 --> 01:04:12.080 Hey. 01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:16.080 And you're very tight, and you keep your money down in a ball. 01:04:16.080 --> 01:04:19.080 I'm sort of the pinch penny type, huh? 01:04:19.080 --> 01:04:22.080 Yes. And that's a wonderful title. 01:04:22.080 --> 01:04:26.080 You could call it the Pinch Penny Program. 01:04:26.080 --> 01:04:28.080 Well, I don't know, Portland. 01:04:28.080 --> 01:04:31.080 What's the future in becoming a salesman for Jello? 01:04:31.080 --> 01:04:33.080 I mean, where could you go? 01:04:33.080 --> 01:04:37.080 Well, what's the matter? Do you think Mama's idea revolutionary? 01:04:37.080 --> 01:04:40.080 Well, it is a little revolting. 01:04:40.080 --> 01:04:43.080 What do you think, Miss Bankhead? 01:04:43.080 --> 01:04:46.080 You haven't had any lines for a whole page. 01:04:46.080 --> 01:04:49.080 I was wondering when you'd notice, darling. 01:04:49.080 --> 01:04:52.080 Do you think that kind of a program would go anywhere? 01:04:52.080 --> 01:04:56.080 Yes, darling, to another network. 01:04:56.080 --> 01:05:00.080 Well, how about trying out this idea right now, Mr. Allen? 01:05:00.080 --> 01:05:02.080 No, no, I don't think I could... 01:05:02.080 --> 01:05:04.080 But, Mr. Allen, what have you got to lose? 01:05:04.080 --> 01:05:07.080 Space. 01:05:07.080 --> 01:05:10.080 An excellent reason for doing it, darling. 01:05:10.080 --> 01:05:12.080 So on with the Pinch Penny Program. 01:05:12.080 --> 01:05:16.080 Pinch Penny. 01:05:19.080 --> 01:05:22.080 The Pinch Penny Program. 01:05:22.080 --> 01:05:26.080 Thirty minutes of high jinks with your favorite radio comedian, 01:05:26.080 --> 01:05:31.080 star of stage screen and laundry, Pinch Penny. 01:05:36.080 --> 01:05:40.080 Well, here it is, seven o'clock, and Pinch Penny isn't here yet. 01:05:40.080 --> 01:05:42.080 I wonder where he can be. 01:05:42.080 --> 01:05:44.080 Say, that always gets me. 01:05:44.080 --> 01:05:47.080 There's a guy who gets $25,000 a week for doing that program, 01:05:47.080 --> 01:05:50.080 and you know he's not going to be late. 01:05:50.080 --> 01:05:55.080 He's probably been standing there since noon with his bare money belt hanging out. 01:05:55.080 --> 01:05:58.080 Try another opening. Could you scare up another opening? 01:05:58.080 --> 01:06:02.080 Okay. Well, as you know, ladies and gentlemen, this is the first show of the new season, 01:06:02.080 --> 01:06:06.080 and so we give you the star of our show, just back from an extended three-month, 01:06:06.080 --> 01:06:10.080 30-cent tour of Radio City, Pinch Penny. 01:06:10.080 --> 01:06:13.080 Hello again. 01:06:15.080 --> 01:06:17.080 Hello again. This is Pinch Penny. 01:06:17.080 --> 01:06:20.080 And Don Thomas, you know that's not true. 01:06:20.080 --> 01:06:24.080 You know I took a cruise to Honolulu. It was a wonderful boat trip. 01:06:24.080 --> 01:06:26.080 Really? How did you go, Mr. Penny? First class? 01:06:26.080 --> 01:06:28.080 Well, not exactly. 01:06:28.080 --> 01:06:29.080 Second class? 01:06:29.080 --> 01:06:30.080 Well, no. You see... 01:06:30.080 --> 01:06:31.080 Third class? 01:06:31.080 --> 01:06:32.080 Well, no, Don Z. 01:06:32.080 --> 01:06:34.080 Oh, then you must have gone steerage. 01:06:34.080 --> 01:06:37.080 Steerage? Why, Don, how can you say that about me? 01:06:37.080 --> 01:06:42.080 It's easy. Didn't you find it pretty crowded down in steerage? 01:06:42.080 --> 01:06:46.080 Don, for your information, I'll have you know that I had the whole boat to myself. 01:06:46.080 --> 01:06:47.080 What boat was that? 01:06:47.080 --> 01:06:52.080 Well, it was one of those little boats that hangs over the side of the big boat. 01:06:52.080 --> 01:06:54.080 Oh, so you went so away. 01:06:54.080 --> 01:06:56.080 Yes, that's the class I was trying to think of. 01:06:56.080 --> 01:07:02.080 And it's the only way to travel, Don, with the wind and the spray and my hair. 01:07:02.080 --> 01:07:04.080 Your hair, Mr. Penny? 01:07:04.080 --> 01:07:08.080 Well, I had it hanging over the side of the boat. Now stop that, Don. 01:07:08.080 --> 01:07:10.080 Did you like Honolulu? 01:07:10.080 --> 01:07:13.080 Oh, it's so colorful there. And I'll never forget the day we docked. 01:07:13.080 --> 01:07:19.080 All the little native boys standing on the pier and the people on the boat throwing pennies into the water. 01:07:19.080 --> 01:07:23.080 And the way those little rascals dive in and fight to get that money. 01:07:23.080 --> 01:07:25.080 They go through all that trouble for pennies? 01:07:25.080 --> 01:07:33.080 Well, after all, Don, it's not taxable. No inheritance tax or anything. Liquid assets, you know, just as you can pick it out. 01:07:33.080 --> 01:07:35.080 Mr. Penny, don't tell me that you were... 01:07:35.080 --> 01:07:39.080 Now, Don, please, after all, say, where is everybody? Where's Dennis? 01:07:39.080 --> 01:07:42.080 I want to talk to Dennis about his song for our first show. 01:07:42.080 --> 01:07:44.080 Oh, here he is. Hello, Dennis. 01:07:44.080 --> 01:07:45.080 Hello, Don. 01:07:45.080 --> 01:07:47.080 Mr. Penny, my mother thinks... 01:07:47.080 --> 01:07:48.080 Hello, Dennis. 01:07:48.080 --> 01:07:51.080 My mother thinks I ought to get more money for this new season. 01:07:51.080 --> 01:07:52.080 I said hello, Dennis. 01:07:52.080 --> 01:07:57.080 Hello, Mr. Penny. My mother thinks I ought to get more money for this new season. 01:07:57.080 --> 01:08:00.080 Now, later, later, kid. Now, look, for your first song this year... 01:08:00.080 --> 01:08:02.080 My mother thinks I'm underpaid. 01:08:02.080 --> 01:08:06.080 Your mother doesn't know what she's talking about. Now, for your... 01:08:06.080 --> 01:08:09.080 Oh, what you said. 01:08:11.080 --> 01:08:13.080 Now, for your first song... 01:08:13.080 --> 01:08:15.080 My mother is the brains of the family. 01:08:15.080 --> 01:08:18.080 Some brains. Now, look, kid, for your first song... 01:08:18.080 --> 01:08:21.080 She was an undergraduate from the University of Southern California. 01:08:21.080 --> 01:08:23.080 Come louder. 01:08:23.080 --> 01:08:26.080 I say she was an undergraduate from the University of Southern California. 01:08:26.080 --> 01:08:28.080 Now, put that out. 01:08:28.080 --> 01:08:30.080 I pay you ample salaries. 01:08:30.080 --> 01:08:32.080 You mean sample. 01:08:33.080 --> 01:08:38.080 My mother says that Bing Crosby makes as high as $50 a week and sometimes $75. 01:08:39.080 --> 01:08:43.080 Bing Crosby has a lot of interest. He's in the orange shoes business. 01:08:43.080 --> 01:08:45.080 He owns a baseball club. 01:08:45.080 --> 01:08:47.080 Where does he find the time for all that? 01:08:47.080 --> 01:08:49.080 He makes movies. He runs a racetrack. 01:08:49.080 --> 01:08:51.080 Where does he find the time for all that? 01:08:51.080 --> 01:08:53.080 He has four sons. 01:08:53.080 --> 01:08:55.080 Where does he find the time? 01:08:57.080 --> 01:08:59.080 Where? 01:09:03.080 --> 01:09:05.080 Well, my mother either says I get money or I'll quit. 01:09:05.080 --> 01:09:09.080 Well, goodbye, darling. I mean, goodbye. I mean, goodbye, Dennis. 01:09:09.080 --> 01:09:13.080 Every time I open my mouth to quit, somebody says, goodbye, darling. 01:09:13.080 --> 01:09:19.080 All right, goodbye. And my mother says she's going to send you back these pennies you sent from Honolulu. 01:09:19.080 --> 01:09:21.080 Where? 01:09:23.080 --> 01:09:27.080 Mr. Penny, you don't mean you dole for pennies with those kids in Honolulu. 01:09:27.080 --> 01:09:31.080 Well, the water was so delightfully warm, Donzi. 01:09:31.080 --> 01:09:33.080 And now I am in the spot. 01:09:33.080 --> 01:09:35.080 What am I going to do about a singer for the program? 01:09:35.080 --> 01:09:37.080 Oh, don't worry about that. Singers are a dime a dozen. 01:09:37.080 --> 01:09:39.080 They are? Where? Where? Where can you get them for a dime a dozen? 01:09:39.080 --> 01:09:41.080 Where? Where? Where are singers that I'm producing? 01:09:41.080 --> 01:09:43.080 There's a bunch of singers in a choral group here. 01:09:43.080 --> 01:09:45.080 Say, any of you boys want to sing on this program? 01:09:45.080 --> 01:09:47.080 I'll sing. 01:09:47.080 --> 01:09:49.080 All right, boy. Step over here. What's your name, son? 01:09:49.080 --> 01:09:51.080 Frankie Lane. 01:09:51.080 --> 01:09:53.080 Frankie Lane. 01:09:57.080 --> 01:10:02.080 Frankie Lane, that's not a very good stage name, son, if you want to get anywhere, I mean. 01:10:02.080 --> 01:10:05.080 But we'll change your name later. Sing, Frankie. 01:10:05.080 --> 01:10:07.080 Hold it. Hold it just a minute, kid. Come in. 01:10:07.080 --> 01:10:09.080 Mr. Penny? 01:10:09.080 --> 01:10:11.080 Yes, I'm Mr. Penny. 01:10:11.080 --> 01:10:13.080 Mr. Penny, I'm making a survey of all the men in this district. 01:10:13.080 --> 01:10:15.080 What is your age? 01:10:15.080 --> 01:10:17.080 Thirty-nine. 01:10:17.080 --> 01:10:19.080 Well, we are making a list of all available men under forty. 01:10:19.080 --> 01:10:21.080 I am from your local draft board. 01:10:21.080 --> 01:10:23.080 Oh, oh. Well, I've been meaning to talk to you guys on the draft board about that. 01:10:23.080 --> 01:10:25.080 Sing, kid. I had this trouble during the Spanish-American War. 01:10:25.080 --> 01:10:27.080 You see, Mr. and Mrs. 01:10:27.080 --> 01:10:37.080 You gave me green, you gave me blue skies above. 01:10:37.080 --> 01:10:47.080 You gave me a beautiful blue sky above. 01:10:47.080 --> 01:10:57.080 You gave me green, you gave me blue skies above. 01:10:57.080 --> 01:11:11.080 But Lord, a man gets awfully lonesome without a woman to love. 01:11:11.080 --> 01:11:23.080 You gave me tall timber, you made me free as a dove. 01:11:23.080 --> 01:11:37.080 But Lord, a man gets awfully lonesome without a woman to love. 01:11:37.080 --> 01:11:43.080 You gave me two lips, but no one to thrill them. 01:11:43.080 --> 01:11:49.080 You gave me two arms, but no one to fill them. 01:11:49.080 --> 01:12:03.080 And ever since the war began, woman has warred with man. 01:12:03.080 --> 01:12:15.080 You gave me song, moonlight. You gave me dreams to dream of. 01:12:15.080 --> 01:12:29.080 But Lord, a man gets awfully lonesome without a woman to love. 01:12:29.080 --> 01:12:45.080 And ever since the war began, woman has warred with man. 01:12:45.080 --> 01:12:59.080 You gave me song, moonlight. You gave me dreams to dream of. 01:12:59.080 --> 01:13:27.080 But Lord, a man gets awfully lonesome without a woman to love. 01:13:27.080 --> 01:13:33.080 You gave me song, moonlight. 01:13:57.080 --> 01:14:00.080 I had an offer to sing on television with Fred Allen, you know. 01:14:00.080 --> 01:14:03.080 Oh, please, people are eating, please. 01:14:03.080 --> 01:14:05.080 But I tell you what I will do. 01:14:05.080 --> 01:14:09.080 I'll take an option on you and think it over, mull it over a while for 30 days. 01:14:09.080 --> 01:14:11.080 I'll give you an advance, okay? 01:14:11.080 --> 01:14:14.080 Golly, that's fine, Mr. Penny. 01:14:14.080 --> 01:14:16.080 How about five? 01:14:16.080 --> 01:14:17.080 That'll be wonderful. 01:14:17.080 --> 01:14:23.080 Here you are. There's one, two, three, four, five. 01:14:23.080 --> 01:14:25.080 Gee, thanks, Mr. Penny. 01:14:25.080 --> 01:14:27.080 So long, kid. 01:14:27.080 --> 01:14:30.080 Golly, Indian heads. 01:14:30.080 --> 01:14:34.080 And they're so bright and shiny. 01:14:34.080 --> 01:14:37.080 Where is everybody, Mr. Penny? We've got to have a rehearsal of the show. 01:14:37.080 --> 01:14:40.080 Well, Portchester should be here any minute with the scripts. 01:14:40.080 --> 01:14:42.080 Here's Portchester now. 01:14:42.080 --> 01:14:44.080 Oh, yes. Hello, Portchester. 01:14:44.080 --> 01:14:53.080 Hello, though. 01:14:53.080 --> 01:15:00.080 Now, look, darling, I mean, Portchester, did you finish typing the scripts? 01:15:00.080 --> 01:15:02.080 Yes, though, but I had a lot of trouble. 01:15:02.080 --> 01:15:04.080 It's tough to write on the typewriter. 01:15:04.080 --> 01:15:06.080 There's only five keys on it. 01:15:06.080 --> 01:15:08.080 Only five letters on that typewriter? 01:15:08.080 --> 01:15:10.080 Well, what's the matter with that? 01:15:10.080 --> 01:15:12.080 I've done very well with those five letters. 01:15:12.080 --> 01:15:14.080 What five letters are they, Portchester? 01:15:14.080 --> 01:15:16.080 L, F, M, F, and T. 01:15:16.080 --> 01:15:19.080 Well, it's like sending up smoke signals. 01:15:19.080 --> 01:15:22.080 Well, it's a corona typewriter, isn't it? 01:15:22.080 --> 01:15:25.080 Ha ha ha! 01:15:25.080 --> 01:15:29.080 Mr. Penny, I think you're the funniest. 01:15:29.080 --> 01:15:34.080 Oh, so you're the one. 01:15:34.080 --> 01:15:38.080 Well, I wish the rest of the cast would get here so we could rehearse. 01:15:38.080 --> 01:15:42.080 Well, Mr. Penny, I have the quartet here if you want them to run over the commercial. 01:15:42.080 --> 01:15:44.080 We have no commercial. This is a sustaining program. 01:15:44.080 --> 01:15:47.080 But they've already rehearsed it, Mr. Penny, haven't you, fellas? 01:15:47.080 --> 01:15:48.080 But... 01:15:48.080 --> 01:15:50.080 Hmm! 01:15:50.080 --> 01:15:52.080 We don't need a quartet. We have no commercial. 01:15:52.080 --> 01:15:54.080 Okay, fellas, let them hear it. 01:15:54.080 --> 01:15:55.080 But fellas... 01:15:55.080 --> 01:15:57.080 S-U-S-T-A-I-N-I-N-G 01:15:57.080 --> 01:15:59.080 We're sustaining M-P-C 01:15:59.080 --> 01:16:01.080 S-U-S-T-A-I-N-I-N-G 01:16:01.080 --> 01:16:03.080 Who's sustaining O-T-V 01:16:03.080 --> 01:16:04.080 But fellas... 01:16:04.080 --> 01:16:07.080 Oh, no, fellas. Boys, men... 01:16:07.080 --> 01:16:09.080 Quiet! 01:16:09.080 --> 01:16:11.080 Quiet! 01:16:11.080 --> 01:16:13.080 Now look. 01:16:13.080 --> 01:16:15.080 Whap! 01:16:15.080 --> 01:16:22.080 Another whale and I'll strike oil in it. 01:16:22.080 --> 01:16:26.080 Look, fellas, I haven't got time for that now. 01:16:26.080 --> 01:16:29.080 I'm waiting for my clarinet teacher. He's supposed to be here. 01:16:29.080 --> 01:16:31.080 I'm going to call him up and see what's keeping him. 01:16:31.080 --> 01:16:33.080 Hand me that phone, will you, Porchester? 01:16:33.080 --> 01:16:34.080 Here you are, Bo. 01:16:34.080 --> 01:16:36.080 Thank you. Hello? Hello, Operator? 01:16:36.080 --> 01:16:39.080 What is the matter with those girls out there? 01:16:39.080 --> 01:16:43.080 Mindy, blue eyes are flashing. 01:16:43.080 --> 01:16:49.080 Oh, no. 01:16:49.080 --> 01:16:53.080 If they are, asshole, it's the first time I ever saw them flash. 01:16:53.080 --> 01:16:56.080 Did he give you a present when he got back from his vacation? 01:16:56.080 --> 01:16:58.080 Yeah, he gave me a locket. 01:16:58.080 --> 01:17:00.080 Ain't it a beauty? 01:17:00.080 --> 01:17:03.080 Oh, yeah, an Indian head. 01:17:03.080 --> 01:17:05.080 But it's nice, though, isn't it? 01:17:05.080 --> 01:17:06.080 Oh, they're a dime a dozen. 01:17:06.080 --> 01:17:11.080 Oh, not these. They've gone up. They're ten for a dime. 01:17:11.080 --> 01:17:17.080 But instead of bringing me expensive gifts, I sure wish he'd stop making up new rules. 01:17:17.080 --> 01:17:19.080 Oh, Mindy, you're always telling me about your troubles. 01:17:19.080 --> 01:17:23.080 I have troubles, too, but you never ask me how I'm getting along. 01:17:23.080 --> 01:17:25.080 All right, asshole, how are you getting along? 01:17:25.080 --> 01:17:28.080 Don't ask. 01:17:28.080 --> 01:17:30.080 How are you getting along with Herman? 01:17:30.080 --> 01:17:32.080 Don't ask. 01:17:32.080 --> 01:17:35.080 Gee, I thought he was going to take you out Saturday night. 01:17:35.080 --> 01:17:37.080 Didn't ask. 01:17:37.080 --> 01:17:39.080 Why, I thought he had intentions. 01:17:39.080 --> 01:17:44.080 Oh, sure he's got intentions, but he don't want to get married. 01:17:44.080 --> 01:17:47.080 Oh, man, you sure got to hand it to him. 01:17:47.080 --> 01:17:55.080 Not Herman. He takes it himself. 01:17:55.080 --> 01:17:59.080 But what happened to that other fellow? What's his name? You know, Harry. 01:17:59.080 --> 01:18:00.080 Oh, I could never marry him. 01:18:00.080 --> 01:18:01.080 Why not? 01:18:01.080 --> 01:18:06.080 Well, we used to ride home on the subway together, and I got off on 34th Street, and he got off on 23rd Street. 01:18:06.080 --> 01:18:07.080 So what? 01:18:07.080 --> 01:18:13.080 So I realized I could never marry a man below my station. 01:18:13.080 --> 01:18:15.080 Say, Ed, he's flashing again. 01:18:15.080 --> 01:18:18.080 Maybe we ought to answer. Hello, hello, yes, hello. 01:18:18.080 --> 01:18:20.080 Say, what's going on out there? 01:18:20.080 --> 01:18:25.080 I want you to get my clarinet teacher on the phone for me and tell him to come right down here. 01:18:25.080 --> 01:18:26.080 What? 01:18:26.080 --> 01:18:29.080 Oh, all right, I'll give you one, too. 01:18:29.080 --> 01:18:33.080 Gold diggers, copper diggers, Indian head she wants here. 01:18:33.080 --> 01:18:36.080 I'm back, Mr. Penny. My mother changed my mind. 01:18:36.080 --> 01:18:37.080 Oh, she did? 01:18:37.080 --> 01:18:44.080 But this is going to be my last season because for next year, my mother's got me a contract with Metro Golden Mayor for a thousand dollars a week. 01:18:44.080 --> 01:18:45.080 A thousand? 01:18:45.080 --> 01:18:50.080 Yeah. 01:18:50.080 --> 01:18:52.080 That's right, a thousand a week. 01:18:52.080 --> 01:18:55.080 MGM signed a contract with you? 01:18:55.080 --> 01:18:57.080 Oh, signed. 01:18:57.080 --> 01:18:59.080 Now, cut that out. 01:18:59.080 --> 01:19:02.080 Have no fear. Meredith Harris is here. 01:19:02.080 --> 01:19:07.080 Well, it's about time. 01:19:07.080 --> 01:19:10.080 It's about time you showed up. Where were you? 01:19:10.080 --> 01:19:12.080 Take it easy, Dad. I'm here, ain't I? 01:19:12.080 --> 01:19:13.080 Where was you, he asked me. 01:19:13.080 --> 01:19:16.080 Where was you? I said, where were you? 01:19:16.080 --> 01:19:19.080 Okay, if you're going to get geometrical about it. 01:19:19.080 --> 01:19:22.080 Well, ain't we dandy. If I'd have known, I'd have brung you an apple. 01:19:22.080 --> 01:19:24.080 It's not brung, it's broad. 01:19:24.080 --> 01:19:26.080 Ah, tell it to the morons. 01:19:26.080 --> 01:19:29.080 What goes around here? How about the rehearsal? 01:19:29.080 --> 01:19:32.080 You'll have to wait until we get through with my clarinet lesson. 01:19:32.080 --> 01:19:35.080 Until my teacher comes, I think I'll do a little practicing. 01:19:35.080 --> 01:19:40.080 My teacher will be here any minute. He comes by bus, so it'll take a little while for him to get here. 01:19:40.080 --> 01:19:50.080 I think I'll get down and have an ice cream soda. 01:19:50.080 --> 01:19:55.080 I think I'll get down too. I'll have an ice cream soda with you. 01:19:55.080 --> 01:19:58.080 I'm going down too. I can't stand any more of this. 01:19:58.080 --> 01:20:00.080 Well, come with us. You going to have a soda? 01:20:00.080 --> 01:20:05.080 Yeah, I always take one jigger of soda. Got to leave plenty of room for that good stuff on me. 01:20:05.080 --> 01:20:24.080 Ah, cowards. 01:20:24.080 --> 01:20:25.080 Mr. Allen. 01:20:25.080 --> 01:20:27.080 Oh, you're back again, are you, Forkland? 01:20:27.080 --> 01:20:32.080 Well, tell me, what did your mother think of the way we took off that Sterling character she originated for radio? 01:20:32.080 --> 01:20:36.080 Well, Mr. Allen, she doesn't think it's your type of program. 01:20:36.080 --> 01:20:38.080 She has another fellow in mind for it. 01:20:38.080 --> 01:20:41.080 Mr. Livingston, I presume? 01:20:41.080 --> 01:20:44.080 Well, she has got a wonderful idea that would just fit you. 01:20:44.080 --> 01:20:46.080 Oh, another idea, really? 01:20:46.080 --> 01:20:52.080 She thinks you ought to have a program where you walk down an alley, and you talk to people you meet there, 01:20:52.080 --> 01:20:57.080 like a southern congressman, an old farmer, and an Irishman. 01:20:57.080 --> 01:21:04.080 And you tell a lot of old sure-file jokes, and find myself broadcasting at the same time everybody else is listening to a quiz program someplace. 01:21:04.080 --> 01:21:08.080 I know what you mean, Forkland. I'm not going through that again. No, sir. 01:21:08.080 --> 01:21:28.080 Ladies and gentlemen, it is only coincidence that tonight marks the eighth anniversary of the passing of the immortal George M. Cohen. 01:21:28.080 --> 01:21:35.080 It is a fitting coincidence for us because we all somehow feel the presence, the friendly approval, 01:21:35.080 --> 01:21:40.080 the exhilaration one always knew when George M. was around. 01:21:40.080 --> 01:21:50.080 The big show would not be truly big if we did not have something here that was created by the greatest showman of them all. 01:21:50.080 --> 01:21:56.080 We have his songs, and we're going to sing them now, and we feel you'd like to sing along with us. 01:21:56.080 --> 01:22:04.080 So on stage, Jimmy, Fred, Danny, Ethel, Frankie, Mindy, everyone, and keep a place for me. 01:22:04.080 --> 01:22:13.080 Our cue, Meredith. It's time for George M. Cohen to take another bow, leading off with Fred Allen. 01:22:34.080 --> 01:22:49.080 H-A-R-I-G-A-N spells Harrigan. Proud of all the Irish blood that's in me, Dibble a man can say a word again me. 01:22:49.080 --> 01:23:03.080 H-A-R-I-G-A-N-U-C. It's a name that a shame never has been connected with. Harrigan, that's me. 01:23:03.080 --> 01:23:06.080 Frankie, you're next. 01:23:33.080 --> 01:23:58.080 Society, society will always say Marie, but it was Mary, oh, Mary, long before the fashions came. 01:23:58.080 --> 01:24:17.080 And there is something there that sounds so square, and it's a grand old name. Ethel, take it. 01:24:17.080 --> 01:24:31.080 I'm a Yankee Doodle dandy, a Yankee Doodle do or die. I'll real-life neck you out, my Uncle Sam, born on the 4th of July. 01:24:31.080 --> 01:24:43.080 I've got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart, she's my Yankee Doodle joy. Yankee Doodles came to town just to ride the pony. 01:24:43.080 --> 01:24:57.080 I am that Yankee Doodle boy. Frankie and Danny, come on in. 01:24:57.080 --> 01:25:14.080 Honest little girlie, I am strong for you. When you go away, I'm gonna long for you. Won't you please encourage me with just a word or two? Doodle. 01:25:14.080 --> 01:25:29.080 We might get arrested. You needn't say you love me, for I'm pretty sure you don't. Tell me that you like me, and there's nothing that I won't be glad to do. That's honestly true. 01:25:29.080 --> 01:25:47.080 And so I go along for you, I do along for you, because I'm only strong for you. You are strong for you. 01:25:47.080 --> 01:26:05.080 Go on, Jenny. Now always leave him laughing when you say goodbye. You wear out your welcome if you mull a cry. When you meet a fellow with a tear in his eye, you can leave him laughing if you try. 01:26:05.080 --> 01:26:28.080 Now interrupt a fellow with a joke he's never heard. He will laugh and then declare that it's a bird. When he's jiggling good, you know that's the time to turn and go. Always leave him laughing when you say goodbye. Mindy Carson, you're next. 01:26:28.080 --> 01:26:44.080 He for software, do for do for thing, babe. He for software, do for do for swing, babe. Gather up the honey, do the Michigan glide. Tide to the side, dance to the bride. 01:26:44.080 --> 01:27:03.080 He for software, do for do for go, babe. He for software, do for do for slow, babe. Gaze into my glimmers when you're ragging with me. And be my he for software, do for do for rag, baby. He for software, do for do for rag, baby. 01:27:03.080 --> 01:27:11.080 Take it, Tallulah. 01:27:11.080 --> 01:27:24.080 Give my regards to Broadway. Remember me on Harrow Square. Tell all the boys at 42nd Street that I will soon be there. 01:27:24.080 --> 01:27:42.080 With the heart learning from the old times gone. Give my regards to old Broadway and say that I'll be there. 01:27:42.080 --> 01:27:55.080 You're a brand old flag, you're a high-flying flag and forever and she's the way. You're the emblem of the land I love, the home of the brave. 01:27:55.080 --> 01:28:12.080 Sunday night from Hollywood. Thank you, Tallulah. Good night, everybody. Good night to you all. Let me see the national broadcast in color.