WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:03.840 You're about to be entertained by some of the biggest names in show business. 00:03.840 --> 00:09.280 For the next hour and thirty minutes, this program will present in person such bright stars as... 00:09.280 --> 00:10.240 Eddie Cantor. 00:10.240 --> 00:11.200 Mindy Carson. 00:11.200 --> 00:12.160 Harry Cuomo. 00:12.160 --> 00:13.040 Jimmy Durant. 00:13.040 --> 00:13.840 Jose Ferrer. 00:13.840 --> 00:14.640 Bob Hope. 00:14.640 --> 00:15.520 Ray Middleton. 00:15.520 --> 00:16.640 Evelyn Bardon. 00:16.640 --> 00:17.840 Meredith Wilson. 00:17.840 --> 00:32.000 And my name, darling, is a Tluluban kid. 00:32.000 --> 00:34.560 The National Broadcasting Company presents... 00:34.560 --> 00:35.920 The Big Show! 00:35.920 --> 00:48.800 The Big Show! 00:48.800 --> 00:52.640 Ninety minutes with the most scintillating personalities in the entertainment world. 00:52.640 --> 00:58.080 Brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of Live Show Festival. 00:58.080 --> 01:02.400 NBC's star-studded five-night-a-week program, Extravaganza. 01:02.400 --> 01:20.560 And here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, Tluluban kid. 01:20.560 --> 01:24.880 Well, ladies and gentlemen, here we are in week number three. 01:24.880 --> 01:28.960 And ready with another program starring the biggest names in show business. 01:28.960 --> 01:31.280 But it hasn't been easy, darlings. 01:31.280 --> 01:37.520 When big names get together, you should hear some of the big names they call each other. 01:37.520 --> 01:39.600 One complains the other has better lines. 01:39.600 --> 01:42.640 Another is unhappy because the other has better songs. 01:42.640 --> 01:48.960 And this week, there was even a ridiculously petty fight over who should have the star dressing room. 01:48.960 --> 01:52.240 Well, imagine, of course, I won out, darlings, actually. 01:52.240 --> 01:56.880 However, being the great troopers that they really are, by the time we're ready to go on the air, 01:56.880 --> 02:00.400 our stars have straightened out all their trifling differences. 02:00.400 --> 02:04.160 And we are now one big happy family. 02:04.160 --> 02:05.600 Yeah, some happy family. 02:05.600 --> 02:08.800 It's ab-dominal. 02:08.800 --> 02:10.320 Oh, I'm sure going to tell my agent and things. 02:10.320 --> 02:13.680 Well, the theater was never like that. 02:13.680 --> 02:17.120 Oh, these actors are on the loose again. 02:17.120 --> 02:19.360 But I know how to handle them. 02:19.360 --> 02:22.960 I use diplomacy, finesse, gentleness. 02:22.960 --> 02:26.560 Will you please shut up? 02:26.560 --> 02:27.840 What's the matter now? 02:27.840 --> 02:30.000 I thought I had everything under control. 02:30.000 --> 02:32.080 Oh, sure, some control. 02:32.080 --> 02:33.920 Now, Eddie, what are you talking about? 02:33.920 --> 02:42.240 Eddie Candid, come over here and bring those eyes with you. 02:42.240 --> 02:45.680 Eddie, what's the matter now, darling? 02:45.680 --> 02:48.080 Nothing, nothing at all. 02:48.080 --> 02:51.040 All I know is I've been in show business 40 years. 02:51.040 --> 02:56.400 I've never been treated as badly as I have here today, not even by Milton Berle. 02:56.400 --> 03:00.160 Why, when I went on the show, he not only stole my best jokes, but he stole my glasses 03:00.160 --> 03:03.520 so I couldn't even read the bad jokes he gave me. 03:03.520 --> 03:04.800 That's Berle. 03:04.800 --> 03:07.200 You mean you don't like the jokes you're supposed to tell? 03:07.200 --> 03:08.800 The last one just got a lot. 03:08.800 --> 03:09.920 Yeah, but who got the laugh? 03:09.920 --> 03:11.360 Berle, see? 03:11.360 --> 03:13.120 That's two for him. 03:13.120 --> 03:14.720 That makes three. 03:14.720 --> 03:15.520 Oh, Eddie. 03:15.520 --> 03:16.800 And he's not even on the program. 03:16.800 --> 03:18.800 I've been in show business 40 years. 03:18.800 --> 03:20.560 Well, how have we misbehaved you? 03:20.560 --> 03:22.240 Oh, I'd rather not talk about it. 03:22.240 --> 03:24.640 You probably think it's nothing, but to me it's... 03:24.640 --> 03:28.480 Well, all I know is that a half hour before the show today, everybody in the cast got 03:28.480 --> 03:29.920 coffee with sugar. 03:29.920 --> 03:31.840 And you got yours without sugar? 03:31.840 --> 03:35.520 No, I got a pastrami sandwich and a bottle of cherry soda. 03:35.520 --> 03:36.800 But what did you order? 03:36.800 --> 03:39.600 A pastrami sandwich and a bottle of cherry soda. 03:39.600 --> 03:40.720 So what? 03:40.720 --> 03:44.400 See, I knew you'd think it was nothing, but believe me, those nothings add up. 03:44.400 --> 03:46.880 Everybody else got coffee and sugar except me. 03:46.880 --> 03:49.040 I just don't like to be discriminated against. 03:49.040 --> 03:50.480 I've been in show business 40 years. 03:50.480 --> 03:52.480 Yes, yes, you've just told me. 03:52.480 --> 03:54.960 That makes 120. 03:54.960 --> 03:56.640 I've seen it happen the same way. 03:56.640 --> 03:58.640 If you're a star, you've got to protect yourself. 03:58.640 --> 04:00.400 First, they take away your coffee and sugar. 04:00.400 --> 04:02.720 Then they take away your best jokes, then your glasses. 04:02.720 --> 04:04.560 Then they take your name off the front of the theater. 04:04.560 --> 04:06.720 Then your agent can't get you any more work. 04:06.720 --> 04:09.520 And you spend all the money you've saved up, and your wife leaves you, 04:09.520 --> 04:12.320 and your daughter leaves you, and your daughter leaves you, 04:12.320 --> 04:15.280 and your daughter leaves you, and your daughter leaves you. 04:15.280 --> 04:16.480 How many is that? 04:16.480 --> 04:17.280 Four. 04:17.280 --> 04:18.400 And your daughter leaves you. 04:18.400 --> 04:21.520 And then your son-in-law throws you out, and you know what happens? 04:21.520 --> 04:24.080 You wind up on the street asking somebody if they can spare a dime 04:24.080 --> 04:26.080 for a cup of coffee with sugar. 04:26.080 --> 04:30.080 But Eddie, you didn't offer coffee in the first place. 04:30.080 --> 04:30.880 Just a minute. 04:30.880 --> 04:32.480 Hold the dialogue. 04:32.480 --> 04:36.080 Oh dear, now it's covered with Jimmy Durante. 04:40.080 --> 04:42.080 Okay, Jimmy. 04:42.080 --> 04:44.080 Okay, what's your beef? 04:44.080 --> 04:45.200 I ain't got no beef. 04:45.200 --> 04:46.080 I ain't got no beef. 04:46.080 --> 04:48.480 What's your beef? I ain't got no beef. 04:48.480 --> 04:50.480 I ain't even got no pastrami sandwich. 04:52.080 --> 04:53.600 But I didn't get any coffee. 04:53.600 --> 04:55.200 So what are you complaining about? 04:55.200 --> 04:56.880 What kind of grounds is coffee? 04:58.160 --> 04:59.840 I got something to holler about. 04:59.840 --> 05:02.480 Oh, actor, they're just like children, darlings. 05:02.480 --> 05:03.440 Oh, excuse me, children. 05:03.440 --> 05:04.720 I take it back, darlings. 05:04.720 --> 05:06.480 All right, Jimmy, start hollering. 05:06.480 --> 05:09.040 Well, I walked in here to squander with Eddie Canter, 05:09.040 --> 05:11.120 and I'm wearing my Saturday best. 05:11.120 --> 05:12.640 I ain't been home all night. 05:12.640 --> 05:16.320 I'm a doll from the top of my Tri-Hole-ian hat to the bottom. 05:21.440 --> 05:24.960 I'm a doll from the top of my Tri-Role-ian hat to the bottom. 05:26.560 --> 05:29.360 To the bottom of my suede shoes with the gum soles. 05:30.880 --> 05:32.160 Juicy fruit. 05:34.080 --> 05:36.320 And I'm looking like a page right out of escrow. 05:36.320 --> 05:37.360 Escrow. 05:39.520 --> 05:40.960 Oh, yes, darling, I remember. 05:40.960 --> 05:42.800 You and Eddie walked in together. 05:42.800 --> 05:44.800 Yes, and you walked to us and you says, 05:44.800 --> 05:46.000 good morning, Eddie. 05:46.000 --> 05:47.600 Good morning, Jimmy, darling. 05:47.600 --> 05:49.360 How are you, Jimmy, my sweet? 05:49.360 --> 05:51.200 You're looking swell, Jimmy. 05:51.200 --> 05:52.400 That's what hurts. 05:52.400 --> 05:53.200 Hurt? 05:53.200 --> 05:54.560 Why, Jimmy? 05:54.560 --> 05:56.800 Because you said good morning to Eddie first. 05:58.960 --> 06:01.040 Because I said, Eddie, did you hear that? 06:01.040 --> 06:02.320 Isn't that ridiculous? 06:02.320 --> 06:03.440 No, not at all. 06:03.440 --> 06:05.440 He didn't even notice it until I told him. 06:06.240 --> 06:07.760 I've been in show business 40 years, 06:07.760 --> 06:09.120 and that's the way it starts. 06:09.120 --> 06:11.120 First, they say hello to you, second, 06:11.120 --> 06:12.640 then they say goodbye to you first, 06:12.640 --> 06:13.840 and then you're all washed up. 06:13.840 --> 06:15.760 Before I let myself get into a spot like that, 06:15.760 --> 06:16.960 I'd walk off the show. 06:16.960 --> 06:18.400 Well, goodbye, Eddie. 06:18.400 --> 06:20.000 Sorry you can't be with us. 06:21.280 --> 06:22.480 No, no, no, not me. 06:22.480 --> 06:24.080 Not me, Jimmy, I was protecting you. 06:24.080 --> 06:25.600 You ought to walk off the program 06:25.600 --> 06:27.440 if they're not showing you the proper deference. 06:27.440 --> 06:28.960 That's the trouble with this show. 06:28.960 --> 06:31.040 Everybody is getting a different deference. 06:32.240 --> 06:33.760 Jimmy, believe me, you're doing a wise thing. 06:33.760 --> 06:35.360 So long, kid, see you around. 06:35.360 --> 06:36.960 Oh, Jimmy, come back here. 06:36.960 --> 06:38.400 I'll read your jokes, Jimmy. 06:38.400 --> 06:39.440 I will not. 06:39.440 --> 06:40.640 This is sabotage. 06:41.760 --> 06:44.000 Can't you wait till the body gets cold? 06:44.000 --> 06:49.040 No, no, Jimmy, I need you on this show, 06:49.040 --> 06:50.240 and Eddie needs you. 06:50.240 --> 06:51.280 I need him? 06:51.280 --> 06:52.400 You see, Jimmy? 06:52.400 --> 06:53.280 Too late. 06:53.280 --> 06:56.080 So long, Toulouse, so long, Eddie, 06:56.080 --> 06:59.040 so long, Meritards, so long, Orchester. 06:59.040 --> 07:00.480 Oh, no. 07:00.480 --> 07:02.880 You can't have a show without Granny. 07:02.880 --> 07:05.680 We don't care what anybody plays alone. 07:05.680 --> 07:08.320 Oh, you can't have a show without Granny. 07:08.320 --> 07:11.440 Even if Tallulah was the doodah, hula hula. 07:11.440 --> 07:14.400 Oh, you can't have a show without Granny. 07:14.400 --> 07:17.920 You've got to have the fabulous gang. 07:17.920 --> 07:20.960 Here we got an orchestra that's loaded with frats. 07:24.320 --> 07:26.960 27 violins to give it some flats. 07:30.960 --> 07:33.920 Still, you've got to give them what it means to the mat. 07:33.920 --> 07:37.120 You've got to give them Jenny, there's no one greater. 07:37.120 --> 07:40.320 You've got to give them Jimmy, not an indicator. 07:40.320 --> 07:43.520 You've got to give them Jimmy, you know. 07:43.520 --> 07:46.320 Orchester, you ain't got no show. 07:56.320 --> 07:57.120 OK. 07:57.120 --> 07:59.520 OK, I'm back by popular demand. 07:59.520 --> 08:04.320 With all the bums on this show, they need somebody that'll dress it up. 08:04.320 --> 08:05.520 Give it a little culture. 08:05.520 --> 08:06.720 It's too uncool. 08:06.720 --> 08:10.720 Everyone coot, and I've got plenty of coot and culture. 08:16.720 --> 08:20.720 Culture and art in my life play quite a part. 08:20.720 --> 08:24.720 A great sculptor makes my spine chill. 08:24.720 --> 08:28.720 Give me high class stuff, I just can't get enough. 08:28.720 --> 08:32.720 Show me any famous statue and I chill. 08:32.720 --> 08:36.720 I was standing in front of a statue of Venus de Malo the other day. 08:36.720 --> 08:40.720 When a little old lady walked up, printed for the statue and said, 08:40.720 --> 08:46.720 You see, that's what happens when you bite your fingernails too much. 08:46.720 --> 08:50.720 Take my eyes off the script when I'm gone. 08:52.720 --> 08:58.720 But there's one guy called a thinker with his chin in his hands. 08:58.720 --> 09:02.720 I've been watching him for years and I just can't understand 09:02.720 --> 09:06.720 What is the thinker thinking about? 09:06.720 --> 09:09.720 Why does he wrinkle his nose? 09:09.720 --> 09:13.720 Now, what is the thinker thinking about? 09:13.720 --> 09:17.720 Is he trying to remember where he left his clothes? 09:17.720 --> 09:20.720 Is it possible he don't know where his glasses are? 09:20.720 --> 09:24.720 Can it be that he's forgotten where he left his car? 09:24.720 --> 09:27.720 Now, what is the thinker thinking about? 09:27.720 --> 09:31.720 He's so quiet, maybe he's a snob. 09:31.720 --> 09:33.720 Now, I shouldn't butt in his business. 09:33.720 --> 09:35.720 I don't want to raise a fuss. 09:35.720 --> 09:38.720 It could be he's just waiting for a greyhound fuss. 09:38.720 --> 09:42.720 Now, what is the thinker thinking about? 09:42.720 --> 09:46.720 Why it's time the bum got up and found a job. 09:46.720 --> 09:49.720 You know, I've always admired sculptors. 09:49.720 --> 09:53.720 Why, you know, I bumped into that famous sculptor, Oskar. 09:53.720 --> 09:57.720 Why, you know, I bumped into that famous sculptor who carved statues on mountains and I noticed... 09:57.720 --> 10:01.720 Shut up, Eddie, will you please? 10:07.720 --> 10:10.720 You'll have a talk in the wings later. 10:10.720 --> 10:15.720 Why, you know, I bumped into that famous sculptor who carved statues on mountains 10:15.720 --> 10:18.720 and I noticed he was looking at me in an interested way. 10:18.720 --> 10:21.720 I said, I'll bet you're thinking of carving my nose in a mountain. 10:21.720 --> 10:26.720 And he says, no, I'm thinking of carving a mountain on your nose. 10:26.720 --> 10:29.720 You know, it gets me puzzled. 10:29.720 --> 10:32.720 I don't want to butt in. I don't want to butt in. 10:32.720 --> 10:35.720 I don't want to butt in this business. 10:35.720 --> 10:38.720 It could be good for you. 10:38.720 --> 10:39.720 That's all my turn is. 10:39.720 --> 10:43.720 Now, what is the thinker thinking about? 10:43.720 --> 10:46.720 Why, it's time the bum got up and found a job. 10:46.720 --> 10:51.720 Yes, sir, it's time the bum got up and found a job. 10:58.720 --> 11:00.720 Jimmy! 11:00.720 --> 11:02.720 Jimmy! 11:02.720 --> 11:05.720 Jimmy, that was very good, very good indeed. 11:05.720 --> 11:07.720 Thank you, Carula. 11:07.720 --> 11:11.720 Coming from you, that's the pinnacle of success. 11:11.720 --> 11:14.720 You mean the pinnacle, don't you, darling? 11:14.720 --> 11:18.720 Pinnacle, I mean it in spades. 11:18.720 --> 11:20.720 Jimmy, can I speak to you for a moment? 11:20.720 --> 11:23.720 While I'm available, what is it, Eddie? 11:23.720 --> 11:25.720 I don't want to make any trouble. 11:25.720 --> 11:28.720 But did you notice what she said when you finished your song? 11:28.720 --> 11:30.720 Yes, she says I was very good. 11:30.720 --> 11:31.720 Yeah, she said good. 11:31.720 --> 11:33.720 She didn't say you were the best. 11:33.720 --> 11:35.720 She didn't say you were better than anybody. 11:35.720 --> 11:37.720 She just said you were good. 11:37.720 --> 11:39.720 Best, better, good. 11:39.720 --> 11:43.720 You ran third. 11:43.720 --> 11:48.720 Well, that's show business. 11:48.720 --> 11:54.720 Miss Bankit, I've been standing around here listening to those two elderly gentlemen arguing. 11:54.720 --> 11:58.720 Oh, I suppose now I'm going to have trouble with you, Perry Como. 12:03.720 --> 12:04.720 Well, you can't blame Miss Bankit. 12:04.720 --> 12:06.720 In the first place, they gave me sugar but no coffee. 12:06.720 --> 12:08.720 You see that? Him, they gave sugar. 12:08.720 --> 12:10.720 In the second place, I've got a song I'd like to sing. 12:10.720 --> 12:12.720 I'm going to sing it right now. 12:12.720 --> 12:15.720 Hoop-de-doo, hoop-de-doo. 12:15.720 --> 12:17.720 I hear a polka and my troubles are through. 12:17.720 --> 12:19.720 Just a minute, young man. 12:19.720 --> 12:22.720 You'll sing when I ask you to. 12:22.720 --> 12:30.720 And if you must know, you're on this program only because we had a little difficulty with Carmen Lombardo. 12:30.720 --> 12:32.720 As it was explained to me, there was a slight accident. 12:32.720 --> 12:38.720 It seems he gargled his throat with a shampoo and it took the wave right out of his voice. 12:38.720 --> 12:41.720 So please don't bother me. Go away. 12:41.720 --> 12:46.720 Miss Bankit, don't think I'm not grateful just to be on the same stage with the First Lady of the theater. 12:46.720 --> 12:49.720 No. 12:49.720 --> 12:51.720 Isn't he sweet? 12:51.720 --> 12:54.720 Perry, darling, stand next to me and I'll see that you're protected on this program. 12:54.720 --> 12:59.720 Here, sweet, you may hold my menthol inhaler. 12:59.720 --> 13:02.720 Gee, thanks, Miss Bankit. I hope you're not catching a cold. 13:02.720 --> 13:04.720 No, so sweet of you. 13:04.720 --> 13:10.720 It's nothing serious, darling. It's just that I feel that my throat is getting a little husky. 13:10.720 --> 13:12.720 How can you tell? 13:12.720 --> 13:16.720 Oh, isn't he sweet? 13:16.720 --> 13:18.720 Here, you may hold my purse, too. 13:18.720 --> 13:20.720 Oh, gee, thanks, Miss Bankit. 13:20.720 --> 13:22.720 Perry, can I speak to you for a minute? 13:22.720 --> 13:24.720 Yeah, what is it, Eddie? 13:24.720 --> 13:27.720 Look, Perry, I don't like to make trouble, see? 13:27.720 --> 13:31.720 I know you think you're doing pretty good with her, but I've seen this happen too many times. 13:31.720 --> 13:34.720 That's the way it starts. First they make you hold their menthol inhaler. 13:34.720 --> 13:39.720 Then they make you hold their purse. And the first thing you know, you wind up holding the bag. 13:39.720 --> 13:45.720 I don't care what I have to do. I just want to sing my song in a good featured spot in this show. That's all. 13:45.720 --> 13:48.720 Look, son, let me tell you something. I've been in show business 40 years. 13:48.720 --> 13:50.720 That's a total of 160. 13:50.720 --> 13:53.720 Stars in the theater are treated according to seniority. 13:53.720 --> 13:55.720 How long have you been in show business? 13:55.720 --> 13:57.720 Oh, about 10 years. 13:57.720 --> 14:00.720 An amateur. Listen to me. What did you do before that? 14:00.720 --> 14:03.720 I ran a little barbershop in Canonsburg, Pennsylvania. 14:03.720 --> 14:08.720 Well, I'll tell you, Perry, you just wait around and you can sing your song when you hear somebody holler, next! 14:08.720 --> 14:10.720 You're a barber. You know what next means? 14:10.720 --> 14:12.720 Wait a minute. How about me, Miss Bankhead? 14:12.720 --> 14:18.720 Oh, no, darling, not a sweet young lady like you. You're not going to give us a bad time. Mimikasa! 14:21.720 --> 14:23.720 Well, I have a song I'd like to do, Miss Bankhead. 14:23.720 --> 14:25.720 I didn't hear you, darling. What did you say? 14:25.720 --> 14:27.720 I said I have a song and I'd like to do it. 14:27.720 --> 14:29.720 Isn't she sweet? In due time, darling. 14:29.720 --> 14:31.720 Well, no, I think I ought to do it next. 14:31.720 --> 14:32.720 Next? 14:32.720 --> 14:36.720 Hoop-de-doo, hoop-de-doo. I hear a poker hand, my... 14:36.720 --> 14:38.720 No, not now, Perry. 14:38.720 --> 14:39.720 But you said next. 14:39.720 --> 14:47.720 I was talking to Mimikasa, and, Mimikasa, you're a charming little girl and we're all anxious to hear your song because I think you're one of the most delightful singers of your sex. 14:47.720 --> 14:50.720 Hoop-de-doo, hoop-de-doo. I hear a poker hand... 14:50.720 --> 14:52.720 Perry, stop that. I said sex. 14:52.720 --> 14:54.720 Hoop-de-doo! 14:54.720 --> 14:57.720 No, Perry, no down, boy. 15:00.720 --> 15:04.720 I beg your pardon, Miss Bankhead, but may I offer a suggestion? 15:04.720 --> 15:06.720 Jose Ferrer. 15:09.720 --> 15:18.720 You know, I have been listening to the raucous mewling of this infantile prapil with thinly veiled disdain, and I humbly offer a simple solution. 15:18.720 --> 15:25.720 Since there are so many, shall I say, stars on this program, why not bring them on alphabetically? 15:25.720 --> 15:29.720 Oh, darling, that's just one of the most brilliant ideas. 15:29.720 --> 15:35.720 Since there are so many, shall we say, stars on this program, why not bring them on alphabetically? 15:35.720 --> 15:39.720 And since there's no A's, we'll start with B as in Bankhead. 15:39.720 --> 15:40.720 Everybody agree? 15:40.720 --> 15:42.720 Just a minute, I don't agree. 15:42.720 --> 15:43.720 Why not, Jimmy? 15:43.720 --> 15:46.720 Of course, I don't even know what alphabetically means. 15:46.720 --> 15:50.720 It just means it will appear according to the letters of the alphabet. 15:50.720 --> 15:52.720 Oh, that's different. Then I go on second. 15:52.720 --> 15:55.720 A, D, C, D. 15:55.720 --> 15:58.720 No, Jimmy, it's A, B, C, D. 15:58.720 --> 16:00.720 No rules all the time. 16:00.720 --> 16:03.720 Ha! But it's unanimous. We'll start at the top of the alphabet. 16:03.720 --> 16:08.720 Hey, now, wait a minute. I don't like this whole thing. My name is Wilson, Meredith Wilson. 16:08.720 --> 16:17.720 By the time you get to me, Phil Harris will be playing my orchestra number in the next show. 16:17.720 --> 16:23.720 Now, come now, Meredith. Work your turn like everybody else. Now, don't be a dissenter. In union, there is strength. 16:23.720 --> 16:27.720 My union's stronger than yours. 16:27.720 --> 16:32.720 Maybe I'm out of order, but a waltz is never out of order. 16:32.720 --> 16:36.720 So here's While We're Young. Play, men. 16:36.720 --> 17:05.720 Song for me to sing while we're young. Every day is spring while we're young. 17:05.720 --> 17:15.720 None can refuse time flies so fast. Who did do that? 17:15.720 --> 17:35.720 None can refuse sweet to laugh, though it may be just for today. Share our love, we must while we may. 17:35.720 --> 17:47.720 To the sky, all sweet surprise, time before our eyes while we're young. 18:35.720 --> 18:46.720 Play, men. 18:46.720 --> 19:15.720 Though it may be just for today, share our love, we must while we may. Go to the sky, all sweet surprise, time before our eyes while we're young. 19:15.720 --> 19:34.720 Music 19:34.720 --> 19:37.720 Meredith, magnificent as always. 19:37.720 --> 19:43.720 Yeah, but how did Wilson get into the alphabet before Durrani? Don't tell me it's A-B-W-D. 19:43.720 --> 19:45.720 Sorry, darling, it was a mistake. 19:45.720 --> 19:50.720 See that it don't happen again. I'm next. 19:50.720 --> 19:54.720 No, Barry, please. Our next guest is Jose Ferrer. 19:54.720 --> 20:00.720 Ferrer is the head of Durrani. Since when does P-H come before D? 20:00.720 --> 20:05.720 That's Doctor of Philosophy, darling. This is hardly the time to be philosophical. 20:05.720 --> 20:09.720 Philosophical? I thought we were doing an alphabetical. 20:09.720 --> 20:15.720 Oh, we are, Jimmy. And ladies and gentlemen, the first letter of the alphabet is A. 20:15.720 --> 20:19.720 A stands for America, first in all our hearts. 20:19.720 --> 20:26.720 Tonight we observe an anniversary of historical significance, an anniversary of deep vital meaning to us all. 20:26.720 --> 20:32.720 To help make this observance a memorable one for every American, two great artists have joined us tonight. 20:32.720 --> 20:42.720 From the smash hit musical South Pacific comes Ray Middleton, from Hollywood and his triumphant success in Cyrano de Bezirac comes Jose Ferrer. 20:42.720 --> 20:53.720 Today, four score and seven years ago, almost to this hour, Abraham Lincoln delivered his great address at Gettysburg. 20:53.720 --> 21:02.720 And now in these troubled hours, it is with gratitude and solemn respect that we heed his words once more. 21:02.720 --> 21:13.720 Once again the tall, shambling figure rises. Once again he speaks the few, the immortal words. 21:13.720 --> 21:21.720 Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth from this continent a new nation, 21:21.720 --> 21:29.720 conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. 21:29.720 --> 21:41.720 Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. 21:41.720 --> 21:45.720 We are met on a great battlefield of that war. 21:45.720 --> 21:56.720 We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. 21:56.720 --> 22:00.720 It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. 22:00.720 --> 22:09.720 But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. 22:09.720 --> 22:19.720 The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. 22:19.720 --> 22:26.720 The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. 22:26.720 --> 22:36.720 It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. 22:36.720 --> 22:42.720 It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us, 22:42.720 --> 22:51.720 that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion, 22:51.720 --> 22:58.720 that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, 22:58.720 --> 23:15.720 that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. 23:15.720 --> 23:29.720 America, America, America. 23:29.720 --> 23:42.720 Freedom in God's holy light, shines from our land, owning every aggressor. 23:42.720 --> 23:55.720 Long may the truth be our sword proudly worn, against every ill swiftly drawn. 23:55.720 --> 24:15.720 Only with faith in the right here will we stand, God, our only confessor, here on the shores that to freedom were born. 24:15.720 --> 24:35.720 America, America, America. 24:35.720 --> 25:00.720 Here on the shores that to freedom were born, grant us, Lord, the courage and the strength of righteousness. 25:00.720 --> 25:11.720 Here on the shores that to freedom were born, grant us, Lord, the courage and the strength of righteousness. 25:11.720 --> 25:35.720 Take up many of this land thou hast chosen to last, a land here with faith in the right. 25:35.720 --> 25:48.720 Here will we stand, God, our only confessor, here on the shores that to freedom were born. 25:48.720 --> 26:10.720 America, America, America. 26:18.720 --> 26:36.720 Jose, Jose, a more sincere and moving reading I've never heard. Congratulations to you, Meredith Wilson and Ray Middleton. 26:36.720 --> 26:41.720 I heard the applause of the multitude and I came running out. They must be clapping for me. 26:41.720 --> 26:45.720 No, Jimmy, that was for Meredith Wilson, Jose Ferreira and Ray Middleton. 26:45.720 --> 26:50.720 You mean they hired a big star like this guy, Ray Middleton, just to sing one chorus? 26:50.720 --> 26:54.720 That's the way we do things on this program, Jimmy. That's why it's a big show. 26:54.720 --> 26:57.720 And Ray Middleton, you were a dear to come over to sing for us. 26:57.720 --> 26:59.720 It was a pleasure, Miss Bankhead. 26:59.720 --> 27:02.720 Ray, just a minute. May I talk to you? 27:02.720 --> 27:04.720 Yeah, what is it, Eddie? 27:04.720 --> 27:13.720 I don't like to make trouble, but did you notice something, Ray? You she calls dear, everybody else she calls darling. 27:13.720 --> 27:14.720 Well, I don't see anything wrong about that. 27:14.720 --> 27:18.720 You don't see? Of course you don't. I've been in show business 40 years. 27:18.720 --> 27:21.720 Anybody keeping score? 27:21.720 --> 27:27.720 Ray, I've seen it happen too many times. First they take away your darling, then they take away your dear, then they say, hey you. 27:27.720 --> 27:28.720 Hey you, Catherine. 27:28.720 --> 27:30.720 See what I mean? Yes, Miss Bankhead? 27:30.720 --> 27:32.720 Will you stop confusing our performance? 27:32.720 --> 27:38.720 I'm not trying to confuse anybody. All I'm trying to say is that I'd like to be treated equally with everybody else. 27:38.720 --> 27:45.720 A little more equal if possible, because after all, I've been in show business 40 years and I'd love to sing my song now. 27:45.720 --> 27:47.720 The score is now 40 love. 27:47.720 --> 27:49.720 Tennis anyone? 27:49.720 --> 27:51.720 Joke! 27:54.720 --> 27:56.720 Jose, what was that for? 27:56.720 --> 28:00.720 Nothing. I just noticed that I haven't anything to say here and it seemed like a cue when you said 40 love. 28:00.720 --> 28:03.720 So I said tennis anyone? 28:03.720 --> 28:08.720 I mean, Tallulah is just a bit of a joke. In the theatre it makes a sort of a merry entrance, if you know what I mean. 28:08.720 --> 28:11.720 Well, can you think of a merry exit, dear? 28:11.720 --> 28:16.720 Can I see you for a minute, Jose? 28:16.720 --> 28:17.720 What is it, Eddie? 28:17.720 --> 28:23.720 I don't like to make any trouble, Jose, but first they take away your merry entrance. She won't let you say tennis anyone. 28:23.720 --> 28:31.720 Then they give you the merry exit. And not only do you exit the stage, but pretty soon you have to exit the country and you wind up joining the Foreign Legion in Africa. 28:31.720 --> 28:33.720 Tennis anyone? 28:33.720 --> 28:41.720 Jose, darling, we'll need you a little later in the show, so why don't you be a good boy and go downstairs and get yourself a sandwich? 28:41.720 --> 28:45.720 Oh, very well. Tuna anyone? 28:45.720 --> 28:51.720 Look, wait a minute. I don't want to make any trouble, but I've been in show business 40 years and there's one thing I've learned. 28:51.720 --> 29:11.720 This is NBC, the national broadcasting company. 29:11.720 --> 29:39.720 The big show. This is the national broadcasting company, Sunday Extravaganza, with the most scintillating personalities in show business. This portion of the program is the Sunday feature of NBC's star-studded five-show festival of comedy, music, drama, and mystery, presented five nights a week and brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television, and by the makers of Anison, for fast relief from pain of headache, urethritis, and neuralgia. 29:39.720 --> 30:05.720 The big stars in this program are Eddie Cantor, Mindy Carson, Perry Como, Jimmy Durante, Jose Ferrer, Bob Hope, Ray Middleton, Evelyn Barton, Meredith Wilson, and his orchestra. And every week, your glamorous hostess, Miss Tallulah Bankhead. 30:05.720 --> 30:16.720 Yes, darlings, we have so many stars on this show and so much temperament flying around that it's taken all the restraint and patience I can muster to make sure that everyone gets their share of the spotlight. 30:16.720 --> 30:28.720 Now darlings, you've all heard the old song, Wish Upon a Star. What I wish upon these stars shouldn't happen to anyone. Not even to Betty Davis. 30:28.720 --> 30:35.720 Well, we've finally compromised and each star has agreed to appear alphabetically. So we present next. 30:35.720 --> 30:37.720 Hoop-de-do, hoop-de-do. 30:37.720 --> 30:40.720 Perry Como, didn't you just give me the alphabetically? 30:40.720 --> 30:43.720 Yes, but you told me I was going to sing my song when somebody said next. 30:43.720 --> 30:50.720 No, darling, Eddie Cantor only told you that when he found out you once ran a barbershop. Now would you please go backstage and wait your turn? 30:50.720 --> 30:56.720 Now look, I've got nothing to do back there. I've already played all my hit records twice. 30:56.720 --> 31:00.720 Well, go play some of Sinatra's hit records. 31:00.720 --> 31:06.720 I already played that one. 31:06.720 --> 31:09.720 Well, go cut somebody's hair. 31:09.720 --> 31:11.720 Hey, that's an idea. Next. 31:11.720 --> 31:15.720 Now we present an alphabetical order, a man who has been in show business for three years. 31:15.720 --> 31:18.720 Say, Tarua, is it my turn now? 31:18.720 --> 31:22.720 No, Jimmy, it is not. I've already explained you. I'll call you when I want to. 31:22.720 --> 31:23.720 How long will it be? 31:23.720 --> 31:24.720 Not too long, darling. 31:24.720 --> 31:31.720 Okay, Perry, just a haircut. And not too short, darling. 31:31.720 --> 31:37.720 Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce at this time a man who has been in show business for 40 years. 31:37.720 --> 31:39.720 40 years. Don't tell me Crosby's on this show. 31:39.720 --> 31:51.720 Bob Holt! 31:51.720 --> 31:57.720 Okay, I'll take charge now. Move over, darling. 31:57.720 --> 32:03.720 Robert, you weren't here before, but everyone on the big show has agreed to appear in alphabetical order. 32:03.720 --> 32:10.720 Oh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Bob Aronson, double A. 32:10.720 --> 32:13.720 Holt, leave this stage until I call for you. 32:13.720 --> 32:22.720 Don't you lower your voice to me. 32:22.720 --> 32:29.720 I knew you when you were Lewis Calharn. 32:29.720 --> 32:32.720 Darling, why don't you hit the road backstage? 32:32.720 --> 32:36.720 Not me. One more haircut and I look like Peter Lynn Hayes. 32:36.720 --> 32:39.720 I look like Mary Healy, as it is. 32:39.720 --> 32:45.720 Now, look, we have a show to do here, darling, and if we don't get along, we'll have every vice president of the place on our necks. 32:45.720 --> 32:48.720 No, Perry, not yet. 32:48.720 --> 32:53.720 What was that? It sounded like the mating call of a mashed potato. 32:53.720 --> 32:57.720 Now, look, Bob, darling, why don't you just sit here and watch the show until it's your turn? 32:57.720 --> 33:01.720 Here's a script, darling. I'll have somebody read it to you. 33:01.720 --> 33:05.720 Watch this show? No, thanks. I'll be back later. I'm going to cross the street and watch the original. 33:05.720 --> 33:06.720 The original of what? 33:06.720 --> 33:15.720 Bette Davis in All About Eve. 33:15.720 --> 33:23.720 I mustn't even think. I'll repeat that. I mustn't even think of calling him what I'm thinking. 33:23.720 --> 33:27.720 And so, darlings, on with the schmo. Oh, I mean on with the show. 33:27.720 --> 33:32.720 So at long last, it is my pleasure to introduce a man who has been in show business for 40 years. 33:32.720 --> 33:35.720 Forty-two years. I've aged two years since you started introducing me. 33:35.720 --> 33:42.720 Betty Keller. 33:42.720 --> 33:45.720 Well, I'm back on radio again. It's like coming home. 33:45.720 --> 33:48.720 In my book, radio is still big time, like this big show. 33:48.720 --> 33:55.720 But I remember the early days of radio. It was back in 1930, exactly 20 years ago, that I started my first program. 33:55.720 --> 33:58.720 It was an hour show every Sunday night for a coffee company. 33:58.720 --> 34:02.720 Since then, a new generation has sprung up, but some of you may remember. 34:02.720 --> 34:10.720 I love to spend this Sunday with you. 34:10.720 --> 34:17.720 As friend to friend, I hope you keep seeing. 34:17.720 --> 34:20.720 Yes, those were the days, gosh. 34:20.720 --> 34:23.720 Remember, remember Jimmy Wallington, my announcer? 34:23.720 --> 34:25.720 He's still doing very well, you know. 34:25.720 --> 34:28.720 And remember Rubenoff and the magic of his violin? 34:28.720 --> 34:32.720 He's doing very well too under the name of Evelyn. 34:32.720 --> 34:37.720 Ah, gosh, when I started in radio, the Lone Ranger was just a boy scout. 34:37.720 --> 34:46.720 John had only one wife, and Doz was too young to do it. 34:46.720 --> 34:50.720 Ah, yes. And we had some wonderful jokes in those chasing-sand-born days. 34:50.720 --> 34:52.720 I remember the one about the psychiatrist. 34:52.720 --> 34:55.720 Woman went to the psychiatrist and said, you must do something for my boy. 34:55.720 --> 34:57.720 He thinks he's a chicken. 34:57.720 --> 34:59.720 Psychiatrist said, what makes you think so? 34:59.720 --> 35:01.720 She said, he goes around the house clucking all day. 35:01.720 --> 35:03.720 He keeps pecking at his food. 35:03.720 --> 35:05.720 Psychiatrist says, bring him in here. 35:05.720 --> 35:07.720 I'll convince him he's not a chicken. 35:07.720 --> 35:11.720 She said, oh, we can't do that. We need the eggs. 35:11.720 --> 35:16.720 And then I told the one about the woman at the Astor Hotel with a lot of bundles and the roms. 35:16.720 --> 35:20.720 She turned to me and she said, would you mind holding the door open, sonny? 35:20.720 --> 35:24.720 I said, sonny? I said, madam, I'd like to have you know I'm the father of five girls. 35:24.720 --> 35:27.720 She said, would you mind repeating that? I said, not if I can help it. 35:27.720 --> 35:30.720 Ah, yes. 35:30.720 --> 35:34.720 But a comedian, no matter how funny, is dependent entirely on his material. 35:34.720 --> 35:37.720 Night after night, you go to bed hoping you'll dream up a new gag. 35:37.720 --> 35:40.720 A screamingly funny line. There's no sleep. 35:40.720 --> 35:43.720 No sleep for any of us. Always there's a pounding, pounding in your brain. 35:43.720 --> 35:47.720 Who, who was, was. 35:47.720 --> 35:49.720 Who was that lady I seen you with? 35:49.720 --> 35:51.720 Jokes, jokes. 35:51.720 --> 35:53.720 Pounding in my brain again. 35:53.720 --> 35:55.720 Jokes, jokes. 35:55.720 --> 35:57.720 Rivals to explain again. 35:57.720 --> 35:59.720 Farmer jokes, drummer jokes. 35:59.720 --> 36:01.720 These are cold, those are hot. 36:01.720 --> 36:04.720 Winter jokes, summer jokes, summer jokes, summer not. 36:04.720 --> 36:08.720 When the program has been done, another program is begun. 36:08.720 --> 36:10.720 Jokes, jokes. 36:10.720 --> 36:12.720 Find a subject, start to kid it. 36:12.720 --> 36:14.720 Soon you'll find that Wynn did it. 36:14.720 --> 36:16.720 Durante did it. Even Danny Thomas did it. 36:16.720 --> 36:17.720 Groucho did it. 36:17.720 --> 36:18.720 Hulk did it. 36:18.720 --> 36:20.720 The guy who's selling soap did it. 36:20.720 --> 36:23.720 When you hit on something good, they grab it up in Hollywood. 36:23.720 --> 36:25.720 Harris, funny fellow, does it. 36:25.720 --> 36:27.720 Learn that Aberdeen Costello does it. 36:27.720 --> 36:31.720 Then it's kicked from coast to coast, refusing to give up the ghost. 36:31.720 --> 36:33.720 Soon it's dead, out of date. 36:33.720 --> 36:35.720 No one dares to do it. Wait! 36:35.720 --> 36:38.720 Who's has found a novel twist that the other minds have missed? 36:38.720 --> 36:42.720 So it's polished up and then the vicious cycle starts again. 36:42.720 --> 36:43.720 Wynn does it. 36:43.720 --> 36:44.720 Durante does it. 36:44.720 --> 36:46.720 Even Danny Thomas does it. 36:46.720 --> 36:47.720 Groucho does it. 36:47.720 --> 36:48.720 Hulk does it. 36:48.720 --> 36:50.720 The guy who's selling soap does it. 36:50.720 --> 36:51.720 Gag, pun. 36:51.720 --> 36:53.720 Kids today are reared on it. 36:53.720 --> 36:55.720 Joke, pun. 36:55.720 --> 36:57.720 Each one has a beard on it. 36:57.720 --> 36:59.720 Find a new one. Pull a killer. 36:59.720 --> 37:01.720 Someone hollers, that's Joe Miller. 37:01.720 --> 37:11.720 Jokes, puns, quips, gags, comics, critics, stooges, wags, laughs, laughs, laughs, laughs. 37:11.720 --> 37:15.720 But from now on I'll be tough on guys who want to steal my stuff. 37:15.720 --> 37:22.720 And to my fellow comics' challenge I hurl, let's go and steal our jokes back from Mr. Milton Berle. 37:22.720 --> 37:35.720 And all, all the songs that we sang in those days. 37:35.720 --> 37:37.720 That's it Meredith. 37:37.720 --> 37:45.720 Josephine and Joe were so in love, oh so in love, so much in love. 37:45.720 --> 37:48.720 In the hole for hours they would stay. 37:48.720 --> 37:55.720 When Josephine came in she'd hear her mother say, Josephine, please no leader, I'm the bell. 37:55.720 --> 37:58.720 When you mush, please no push of the bell. 37:58.720 --> 38:05.720 I heard Mrs. Caruso telling Mrs. Orflip, somebody keeps ringing but nobody comes in. 38:05.720 --> 38:08.720 You can squeeze all you please, that's all right. 38:08.720 --> 38:12.720 But don't keep us from sleep every night. 38:12.720 --> 38:20.720 When you make love in the hole, stay away from the wall of Josephine, please no leader, I'm the bell. 38:20.720 --> 38:24.720 Or you come from work and you want to the stuff, I'm a cooker, the nice, the macaron. 38:24.720 --> 38:27.720 Then you make you sit down, then you make you get up, but your fellow he call on the phone. 38:27.720 --> 38:31.720 Or you go to the park and you sit in the dark and you make what I call it a pet. 38:31.720 --> 38:34.720 It's a little thick here, it's a little thick there, you know, get it from me to spaghetti. 38:34.720 --> 38:38.720 Or you say goodnight about 11 o'clock, that's what a good gal should do. 38:38.720 --> 38:41.720 But you take it too long when you say goodnight, you're gonna finish till half past two. 38:41.720 --> 38:44.720 Say why you not bring your fellow upstairs, ravioli with peppers, I cook. 38:44.720 --> 38:47.720 You can make it a love with a kiss and a hug and a mom and a father and a look. 38:47.720 --> 38:51.720 Don't I bring you warmth when I make you fat with a soup and a pasta fazool. 38:51.720 --> 38:54.720 But you stay up too late, then I make you thin, what's the matter, you making me fool. 38:54.720 --> 38:58.720 Why you don't get married and raise a fam, then I make you the promise I keep. 38:58.720 --> 39:01.720 I'll buy you the furnish and pay for the rent, then we all can get us some sleep. 39:01.720 --> 39:04.720 Josephina, please don't lean on the bell. 39:04.720 --> 39:07.720 When you mush, please don't push the bell. 39:07.720 --> 39:11.720 You could have so much fun with that son of a gun. 39:11.720 --> 39:16.720 But Josephina, please don't lean on the bell. 39:16.720 --> 39:19.720 Yes, that was radio when it began to grow up. 39:19.720 --> 39:22.720 And radio will continue to grow. 39:22.720 --> 39:25.720 So if you've got a piece of furniture around the house that you've been neglecting, 39:25.720 --> 39:28.720 dust it off, turn the knob, that's your radio. 39:28.720 --> 39:31.720 There's plenty of life in it yet, and there always will be. 39:31.720 --> 39:34.720 Radio has stood you in good stead all these years. 39:34.720 --> 39:37.720 But you're not going to get it. 39:37.720 --> 39:40.720 You're not going to get it. 39:40.720 --> 39:43.720 You're not going to get it. 39:43.720 --> 39:46.720 Radio has stood you in good stead all these years. 39:46.720 --> 39:49.720 All the entertainment you've got on it. 39:49.720 --> 39:54.720 And remember those anxious years through the war when we huddled close to it to hear a word of comfort? 39:54.720 --> 39:57.720 It was the only link we had with our loved ones overseas. 39:57.720 --> 40:11.720 It brought us VE Day, VJ Day, and it will always continue to bring again, sing again, the things you wanted to. 40:11.720 --> 40:23.720 It loves to spend an hour with you. 40:42.720 --> 40:45.720 If you'd like to know a quick, easy way to ease the pain of a headache, 40:45.720 --> 40:48.720 neuritis, or neuralgia, then by all means try Anisone. 40:48.720 --> 40:54.720 Your own dentist or physician may at one time or another have handed you an envelope containing Anisone tablets. 40:54.720 --> 40:59.720 Then you already know how incredibly fast and effectively Anisone brings relief. 40:59.720 --> 41:01.720 Anisone is like a doctor's prescription. 41:01.720 --> 41:07.720 That is, Anisone contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients. 41:07.720 --> 41:10.720 For your own sake, try Anisone. 41:10.720 --> 41:12.720 Anisone is sold to you on this guarantee. 41:12.720 --> 41:17.720 If the first few tablets do not give you all the relief you want as fast as you want it, 41:17.720 --> 41:20.720 you may return the unused portion and your money will be refunded. 41:20.720 --> 41:23.720 You can get Anisone tablets at any drug counter. 41:23.720 --> 41:36.720 Anisone comes in handy boxes of 12 and 30 tablets and economical family-sized bottles of 50 and 100. 41:36.720 --> 41:38.720 And now, darling, we would like to present... 41:38.720 --> 41:40.720 Now, Toulouse? 41:40.720 --> 41:42.720 No, Jimmy darling, not yet. 41:42.720 --> 41:46.720 It's alphabetical. Carson, Como, and Ben Durante. 41:46.720 --> 41:49.720 Can't you read the script? Just follow the text. 41:49.720 --> 41:51.720 Hookedy-doo, hookedy-doo. 41:51.720 --> 41:55.720 Oh, Perry, it's not your turn to sing. We're going to hear from Mindy Carson. 41:55.720 --> 41:56.720 Here I am, Miss Brankhead. 41:56.720 --> 41:58.720 Mindy darling. 42:02.720 --> 42:07.720 Mindy darling, this is Jimmy Durante, darling. Jimmy darling, this is Mindy Carson, darling. 42:07.720 --> 42:09.720 How do you do, Miss Darling? 42:09.720 --> 42:12.720 How do you do, but my name is Carson. 42:12.720 --> 42:16.720 Oh, how do you do? I know your father, Jack Carson. 42:16.720 --> 42:20.720 Oh, then you must know my uncle, Dennis Morgan. 42:20.720 --> 42:22.720 No, I don't believe I do. 42:22.720 --> 42:25.720 I don't know Dennis Morgan, Mindy, but I know Dennis King. 42:25.720 --> 42:30.720 You know Dennis King? I thought you was Dennis King. 42:30.720 --> 42:36.720 Now, we've been through three rehearsals of this show and I still don't understand that line. 42:36.720 --> 42:42.720 Don't get it all. My sweet dear Mindy, I just noticed how your lovely hair do. Was it pure? 42:42.720 --> 42:43.720 No. 42:43.720 --> 42:45.720 Perry, sing your song, dear, whatever it is. 42:45.720 --> 42:50.720 It's my new RCA Victor recording. Looks like a cold, cold winter. 43:00.720 --> 43:04.720 Looks like a cold, cold winter. 43:04.720 --> 43:10.720 Plenty of ice and snow, but we'll keep the love lie. 43:10.720 --> 43:17.720 In our hearts a glow looks like a long, long winter. 43:17.720 --> 43:26.720 Baby, what do we care as long as we have our other hearts to share? 43:26.720 --> 43:33.720 It's gonna be cold outside, gonna be warm inside. 43:33.720 --> 43:37.720 So we'll cuddle up by the cozy fire. 43:37.720 --> 43:43.720 Side by side looks like a cold, cold winter. 43:43.720 --> 44:04.720 Summer is far away until then I love you more and more each day. 44:04.720 --> 44:09.720 Looks like a cold, cold winter. 44:09.720 --> 44:18.720 Baby, what do we care as long as we have each other's love to share? 44:18.720 --> 44:25.720 It's gonna be cold outside, gonna be warm inside. 44:25.720 --> 44:29.720 So we'll cuddle up by the cozy fire. 44:29.720 --> 44:35.720 Side by side looks like a cold, cold winter. 44:35.720 --> 44:51.720 Summer is far away until then I love you more and more each day. 44:51.720 --> 44:57.720 Applause 44:57.720 --> 44:59.720 That was lovely, Mindy. 44:59.720 --> 45:00.720 Oh, thank you. 45:00.720 --> 45:02.720 I'm a great admirer of your singing talent. 45:02.720 --> 45:03.720 Oh, thank you, Miss Bankhead. 45:03.720 --> 45:05.720 I sing, too, you know. 45:05.720 --> 45:07.720 Oh, I didn't know that. 45:07.720 --> 45:11.720 Oh, didn't you hear last week's show, darling? 45:11.720 --> 45:13.720 Yes, I did. 45:13.720 --> 45:15.720 Well, don't be difficult, dear. 45:15.720 --> 45:17.720 I mean, tell me what you thought. 45:17.720 --> 45:21.720 Well, I'd like to come back on the show, Miss Bankhead. 45:21.720 --> 45:27.720 No, darling, are you implying that I have you taken off the show because you didn't like my singing? 45:27.720 --> 45:30.720 Speak up, child, you can give me your honest bank opinion. 45:30.720 --> 45:33.720 Besides, there are other shows, you know. 45:33.720 --> 45:35.720 Did you hear me sing? 45:35.720 --> 45:37.720 Yes, I did. 45:37.720 --> 45:39.720 Well? 45:39.720 --> 45:41.720 Not very. 45:41.720 --> 45:45.720 Give my regards to Sammy Kay next week. 45:45.720 --> 45:48.720 All performers are like petty jealousies. 45:48.720 --> 45:51.720 I remember a few years ago, I was about to open a play. 45:51.720 --> 45:54.720 I asked a friend of mine to come to see me at the rehearsal. 45:54.720 --> 45:58.720 I wanted her frank and honest opinion of my performance. 45:58.720 --> 46:01.720 So I called her up the day of the dress rehearsal. 46:01.720 --> 46:03.720 Hello? 46:03.720 --> 46:05.720 Hello? 46:05.720 --> 46:07.720 Hello, hello. 46:07.720 --> 46:09.720 Yes, hello. 46:09.720 --> 46:11.720 Hello, darling, is that you? 46:11.720 --> 46:13.720 Who's that? 46:13.720 --> 46:15.720 It's me. 46:15.720 --> 46:17.720 Who? 46:17.720 --> 46:19.720 Me. 46:19.720 --> 46:21.720 Oh, it's you. 46:21.720 --> 46:23.720 Hello, darling. 46:23.720 --> 46:25.720 Hello, darling. 46:25.720 --> 46:28.720 Hello, darling. 46:28.720 --> 46:30.720 Darling, would you do me a great favor? 46:30.720 --> 46:32.720 What, Talula? 46:32.720 --> 46:35.720 Now, could you drop everything right away and come to my dress rehearsal tonight? 46:35.720 --> 46:37.720 Your dress rehearsal? 46:37.720 --> 46:38.720 Yes, dear. 46:38.720 --> 46:40.720 I thought it was this afternoon. 46:40.720 --> 46:42.720 No, dear, it's tonight. 46:42.720 --> 46:44.720 What did you do, postpone it? 46:44.720 --> 46:46.720 No, dear, it's always been tonight. 46:46.720 --> 46:48.720 I thought it was this afternoon. 46:48.720 --> 46:50.720 No, dear, it's tonight. 46:50.720 --> 46:52.720 Oh, what's the matter? 46:52.720 --> 46:55.720 I'm terrible, and I'm terrible, and my clothes are terrible. 46:55.720 --> 46:58.720 I suppose I'm so close to it that I can't get any perspective on it. 46:58.720 --> 47:04.720 And I want a fresh point of view, and I want someone who's never seen it and who doesn't know anything. 47:04.720 --> 47:06.720 I mean anything about this picture play. 47:06.720 --> 47:10.720 And I want someone I can believe and who will really tell me the truth. 47:10.720 --> 47:12.720 Who will come on to you, darling? 47:12.720 --> 47:14.720 Well, I'd love to, but I would love to. 47:14.720 --> 47:16.720 Oh, that's wonderful, darling, for saving my life. 47:16.720 --> 47:18.720 Now, look, I want you to watch everything, every little single thing. 47:18.720 --> 47:20.720 Have you got a paper and pencil there? 47:20.720 --> 47:22.720 Well, now, write these things down, darling, so you won't forget them. 47:22.720 --> 47:24.720 Now, have a good look at my yellow dress. 47:24.720 --> 47:27.720 I know it makes me look as fat as a pig. 47:27.720 --> 47:30.720 And watch my makeup, the lighting, it's... 47:30.720 --> 47:32.720 But listen, I want to ask you something. 47:32.720 --> 47:34.720 Yes, I know. Now, what is it? And watch my hands. 47:34.720 --> 47:37.720 Now, tell me, tell me if I move them about too much and watch the scene on the sofa. 47:37.720 --> 47:39.720 Yes, but how will I get over it? 47:39.720 --> 47:41.720 And particularly watch my scene with the door on the second act. 47:41.720 --> 47:43.720 I'm afraid it doesn't get over. 47:43.720 --> 47:47.720 It's one of those little symbolic bits, and I don't know yet what it means. 47:47.720 --> 47:49.720 Nobody knows. So watch it, darling. 47:49.720 --> 47:51.720 Yes, but how will I get over it? 47:51.720 --> 47:53.720 Now, watch everything I do, darling. 47:53.720 --> 47:56.720 And come back to my dressing room afterwards, and we'll go over the whole thing together, huh? 47:56.720 --> 47:58.720 Oh, you're an angel to do this. 47:58.720 --> 48:01.720 Eight o'clock sharp, and I'll see you afterwards, huh? Goodbye. 48:01.720 --> 48:11.720 Oh, I'm exhausted, Rose. 48:11.720 --> 48:15.720 I don't want to see anyone except that woman who's coming to talk to me about the play. 48:15.720 --> 48:18.720 She's been taking notes, and it's very important. 48:18.720 --> 48:20.720 Is she back yet? 48:20.720 --> 48:22.720 Well, where is she? 48:22.720 --> 48:25.720 Why isn't she here? I'm here. 48:25.720 --> 48:26.720 What's she doing? 48:26.720 --> 48:28.720 Well, when she comes in, keep everyone else out. 48:28.720 --> 48:29.720 I'm exhausted. 48:29.720 --> 48:32.720 I don't know how I look as well as I do. 48:32.720 --> 48:34.720 Yoo-hoo! 48:34.720 --> 48:39.720 Oh, there she is, darling. Come in. Let her in, Rose. 48:39.720 --> 48:41.720 Oh, darling, it's too wonderful of you. 48:41.720 --> 48:43.720 Have a drink. Get her a drink, Rose. Get her a cigarette. Where's the chair? 48:43.720 --> 48:45.720 Now, look, darling. Now, sit down and tell me everything. 48:45.720 --> 48:47.720 Have you got your notes? 48:47.720 --> 48:49.720 Oh, I've got them right. Oh, you're such an angel, Rose. 48:49.720 --> 48:51.720 You stand outside and don't let anyone else in. 48:51.720 --> 48:55.720 Tell them I'm gone. Tell them I've left the premises. 48:55.720 --> 48:57.720 Now! 48:57.720 --> 48:59.720 Now, you know, darling. 48:59.720 --> 49:01.720 Yes, dear. 49:01.720 --> 49:04.720 I'm going to tell you exactly what I thought. 49:04.720 --> 49:07.720 Oh, of course. That's what I want. 49:07.720 --> 49:09.720 You don't know what it means to me, darling, having to do this. 49:09.720 --> 49:14.720 You know how it is. I mean, we're all so close to it, and people are saying, oh, you're marvelous. 49:14.720 --> 49:17.720 That isn't what I want. Anyone can say, oh, you're marvelous. 49:17.720 --> 49:21.720 I don't want to know what's marvelous. I want to know what is wrong. You know what I mean. 49:21.720 --> 49:23.720 Very, very well. Now, first... 49:23.720 --> 49:25.720 How'd you like my clothes, darling? 49:25.720 --> 49:27.720 They were all right. Now, first... 49:27.720 --> 49:29.720 Didn't you like them? 49:29.720 --> 49:33.720 Yes, they were all right, except... 49:33.720 --> 49:36.720 Except that yellow dress, and you were right about that. 49:36.720 --> 49:38.720 It does make you look fat. 49:38.720 --> 49:41.720 Where does it make me look fat? 49:41.720 --> 49:44.720 All over, dear. 49:44.720 --> 49:46.720 Where were you sitting? 49:46.720 --> 49:47.720 Down front. 49:47.720 --> 49:49.720 Oh, well, that was it. 49:49.720 --> 49:52.720 It looks all right from further back, darling. That's what it was designed for. 49:52.720 --> 49:54.720 It's meant to be seen in perspective. 49:54.720 --> 49:57.720 You can't get the proper effect at all when you're so close, you know. 49:57.720 --> 49:59.720 I see. Now, about your first entry... 49:59.720 --> 50:01.720 Oh, how was my scene at the door? 50:01.720 --> 50:04.720 Well, you were right about that, too. It didn't get over. 50:04.720 --> 50:07.720 How do you mean it didn't get over? 50:07.720 --> 50:10.720 It wasn't very clear, dear. I didn't know what you were doing. 50:10.720 --> 50:13.720 You didn't know what I was doing? 50:13.720 --> 50:16.720 Are you sure you were thinking of the right scene? 50:16.720 --> 50:19.720 I mean the one in the second act, after he goes. 50:19.720 --> 50:22.720 And I go up and hurl myself against the door and start... 50:22.720 --> 50:24.720 Just once, of course, you see. 50:24.720 --> 50:26.720 And then stand and turn the knob gently back and forth 50:26.720 --> 50:28.720 as if I could still feel his hand on it. 50:28.720 --> 50:31.720 Didn't you get anything from that at all? 50:31.720 --> 50:33.720 You didn't? 50:33.720 --> 50:36.720 No, dear. I just thought the door had stuck. 50:36.720 --> 50:40.720 LAUGHTER 50:40.720 --> 50:42.720 Where were you sitting? 50:42.720 --> 50:44.720 In the same seat. 50:44.720 --> 50:46.720 I mean, you weren't on the side. 50:46.720 --> 50:48.720 No, dear. I was in the center. 50:48.720 --> 50:50.720 Well, I only asked because I thought perhaps 50:50.720 --> 50:52.720 you might have seen it from a bad angle. 50:52.720 --> 50:54.720 Do you think maybe the door was too far off stage? 50:54.720 --> 50:56.720 No, dear. The door was perfectly all right. 50:56.720 --> 50:58.720 LAUGHTER 50:58.720 --> 51:00.720 Well, you know, I think you must be wrong about that. 51:00.720 --> 51:03.720 You know, if I thought you weren't, I'd be the very first to say so. 51:03.720 --> 51:05.720 But I think you're wrong, darling. 51:05.720 --> 51:08.720 I've studied that scene. I've studied it from every angle. 51:08.720 --> 51:11.720 And I think the way I play it is the only way to play it. 51:11.720 --> 51:13.720 But it may not have been awfully clear to you, dear. 51:13.720 --> 51:15.720 It's subtle. 51:15.720 --> 51:17.720 No, I think that thing's all right. 51:17.720 --> 51:19.720 Now, tell me about my hands, darling. 51:19.720 --> 51:21.720 Did I move them too much? 51:21.720 --> 51:23.720 A little, I thought. 51:23.720 --> 51:25.720 Where? 51:25.720 --> 51:27.720 In the scene where you listen to the will, 51:27.720 --> 51:29.720 you should sit perfectly still there. 51:29.720 --> 51:31.720 I do sit perfectly still there, as I remember. 51:31.720 --> 51:33.720 Don't I? 51:33.720 --> 51:35.720 Yes, you do. 51:35.720 --> 51:37.720 And you're constantly, constantly... 51:37.720 --> 51:39.720 Well, I can't stop breathing. 51:39.720 --> 51:41.720 LAUGHTER 51:41.720 --> 51:43.720 I can't be absolutely motionless. 51:43.720 --> 51:45.720 You should be. Why? 51:45.720 --> 51:47.720 Because then you'd stand up, dear, and as it is, you'd distract. 51:47.720 --> 51:49.720 From what? 51:49.720 --> 51:51.720 From the play, dear. 51:51.720 --> 51:53.720 Don't you see, darling, if you just sat there 51:53.720 --> 51:55.720 and did absolutely nothing at all, 51:55.720 --> 51:57.720 you would stand out as the one calm figure on the stage. 51:57.720 --> 51:59.720 Well, I just don't agree with you, darling. 51:59.720 --> 52:01.720 That's all. I mean, I have to do something 52:01.720 --> 52:03.720 that merely twists the handkerchief. 52:03.720 --> 52:05.720 As a matter of fact, that's the one scene 52:05.720 --> 52:07.720 where I've been careful of my hands. 52:07.720 --> 52:09.720 Now, all I meant was, was there any place 52:09.720 --> 52:11.720 where I did move them too much? 52:11.720 --> 52:13.720 No. 52:13.720 --> 52:15.720 How was the play as a whole? 52:15.720 --> 52:17.720 I thought it dragged and far. 52:17.720 --> 52:19.720 Well, now, do you really think 52:19.720 --> 52:21.720 you can judge any play in rehearsal? 52:21.720 --> 52:23.720 Don't you think you have to seat with an audience? 52:23.720 --> 52:25.720 Maybe. How was my make-up? 52:25.720 --> 52:27.720 Marvelous. How was the scene on the sofa? 52:27.720 --> 52:29.720 Marvelous. Oh, how'd you see me with the doctor? 52:29.720 --> 52:31.720 Perfectly marvelous. Oh, that's a terribly funny scene, isn't it? 52:31.720 --> 52:33.720 Terribly funny. 52:33.720 --> 52:35.720 Oh, you know, darling, 52:35.720 --> 52:37.720 I can hardly read some of those lines. 52:37.720 --> 52:39.720 It's a rehearsal. We all used to laugh. 52:41.720 --> 52:43.720 My dear, we nearly died. 52:43.720 --> 52:45.720 Oh, but how was the play? 52:45.720 --> 52:47.720 I couldn't. Perfectly marvelous. 52:47.720 --> 52:49.720 Well, then you don't think 52:49.720 --> 52:51.720 I have a thing to worry about? 52:51.720 --> 52:53.720 Not a thing in the world, darling. 52:53.720 --> 52:55.720 Oh, darling, isn't that perfectly marvelous? 52:55.720 --> 52:59.720 Oh, perfectly marvelous. 52:59.720 --> 53:15.720 You're very kind, darling. 53:15.720 --> 53:17.720 The title of that charming vignette 53:17.720 --> 53:19.720 was a matter of perspective, 53:19.720 --> 53:21.720 and it was written by a talented actress 53:21.720 --> 53:23.720 and writer, Miss Patricia Collins. 53:23.720 --> 53:25.720 And was dramatized by special permission 53:25.720 --> 53:27.720 of the New Yorker magazine. 53:27.720 --> 53:29.720 The part of my friend 53:29.720 --> 53:31.720 was played by the distinguished actress 53:31.720 --> 53:33.720 of the New York stage, Miss Evelyn Barton, 53:33.720 --> 53:35.720 who is currently appearing on Broadway 53:35.720 --> 53:37.720 in Hilda Crane. 53:37.720 --> 53:47.720 Here's a word from RCA Victor. 53:47.720 --> 53:49.720 If you love plays, 53:49.720 --> 53:51.720 how would you like to be not just a first-nighter, 53:51.720 --> 53:53.720 but an every-nighter, 53:53.720 --> 53:55.720 without ever standing in a ticket line? 53:55.720 --> 53:57.720 If you love music, but live far from 53:57.720 --> 53:59.720 the metropolitan area, 53:59.720 --> 54:01.720 how would you like to hear and see 54:01.720 --> 54:03.720 the great singers of our time anyway, 54:03.720 --> 54:05.720 without even taking a train? 54:05.720 --> 54:07.720 If you love boxing, how would you like to see 54:07.720 --> 54:09.720 the major matches so close up you can see 54:09.720 --> 54:11.720 the twinkling of every black eye? 54:11.720 --> 54:13.720 It could go on forever. 54:13.720 --> 54:15.720 The list of fun you'll enjoy 54:15.720 --> 54:17.720 once you visit your RCA Victor dealers 54:17.720 --> 54:19.720 and choose your television set 54:19.720 --> 54:21.720 from eighteen beautiful, new RCA Victor 54:21.720 --> 54:23.720 million-proof models. 54:23.720 --> 54:25.720 Whichever RCA Victor set you choose, 54:25.720 --> 54:27.720 you'll get such beautiful styling 54:27.720 --> 54:29.720 you'll have to send out for new adjectives 54:29.720 --> 54:31.720 to describe it. 54:31.720 --> 54:33.720 And you'll get that peerless engineering quality 54:33.720 --> 54:35.720 which has made RCA Victor television 54:35.720 --> 54:37.720 far and away America's favorite. 54:37.720 --> 54:41.720 The proven pride of over a million families. 54:41.720 --> 54:43.720 Follow their lead tomorrow. 54:43.720 --> 54:47.720 A million American families can't be wrong. 54:47.720 --> 54:49.720 Can't be wrong. 54:49.720 --> 54:59.720 Music 54:59.720 --> 55:01.720 Now let me see, Cantor Carson. 55:01.720 --> 55:03.720 See Miss Bankhead. 55:03.720 --> 55:05.720 Yes, Mary, my darling. 55:05.720 --> 55:07.720 I sure like that part you just took off 55:07.720 --> 55:09.720 about the actress who called up her friend 55:09.720 --> 55:11.720 about her fat yellow dress. 55:11.720 --> 55:13.720 Yes, darling. And now if you don't mind. 55:13.720 --> 55:15.720 Remind me of the time back in Mason City, Iowa. 55:15.720 --> 55:17.720 That's my hometown, you know. 55:17.720 --> 55:19.720 And I was playing in the high school band. 55:19.720 --> 55:21.720 Mason City High School. 55:21.720 --> 55:23.720 That's in Mason City. 55:23.720 --> 55:25.720 How convenient. 55:25.720 --> 55:27.720 Yes. 55:27.720 --> 55:29.720 Well sir, I played the piccolo. 55:29.720 --> 55:31.720 That's a very difficult instrument, the piccolo. 55:31.720 --> 55:33.720 There aren't many people who can play the piccolo. 55:33.720 --> 55:35.720 As a matter of fact, there aren't many people 55:35.720 --> 55:37.720 who want to play the piccolo. 55:37.720 --> 55:39.720 Piccolo is a wind instrument. 55:39.720 --> 55:41.720 And who isn't, darling? 55:41.720 --> 55:43.720 Exactly. 55:43.720 --> 55:45.720 Well sir, there was a fella sitting on one side of me 55:45.720 --> 55:47.720 played triple tongue on the cornet 55:47.720 --> 55:49.720 and he was a junior. 55:49.720 --> 55:51.720 And the fella on the other side of me 55:51.720 --> 55:53.720 he was playing double tongue on the cornet. 55:53.720 --> 55:55.720 He was only a sophomore. 55:55.720 --> 55:57.720 Meredith, if you don't get on with this 55:57.720 --> 55:59.720 revolting little saga. 55:59.720 --> 56:01.720 Well sir, one day the band was playing 56:01.720 --> 56:03.720 Coming Through the Rye. 56:03.720 --> 56:05.720 And there I was sandwiched in between 56:05.720 --> 56:07.720 these two cornet players. 56:07.720 --> 56:09.720 The triple tongue fell on one side 56:09.720 --> 56:11.720 and the double tongue fell on the other. 56:11.720 --> 56:13.720 And I heard my piccolo. 56:13.720 --> 56:15.720 Now that's very funny, darling. 56:15.720 --> 56:17.720 Now if you'll just go. 56:17.720 --> 56:19.720 If you think that's funny, why do I get to the funny part? 56:19.720 --> 56:21.720 You see, I asked my friend Ernie 56:21.720 --> 56:23.720 to come down and see if he could hear my piccolo 56:23.720 --> 56:25.720 between the triple tongue cornet and the double tongue cornet. 56:25.720 --> 56:27.720 That's Ernie Wagner, 56:27.720 --> 56:29.720 not to be confused with Ernie Byer 56:29.720 --> 56:31.720 who ran the drug store back in Mason City. 56:31.720 --> 56:33.720 Ernie Byer didn't know much about music. 56:33.720 --> 56:35.720 He didn't know much about drugs either. 56:35.720 --> 56:37.720 I remember one day old lady Frisbee 56:37.720 --> 56:39.720 had a prescription filled and Doc Byer 56:39.720 --> 56:41.720 we used to call him Doc. 56:41.720 --> 56:43.720 I never did know why. 56:43.720 --> 56:45.720 Isn't this awful? 56:45.720 --> 56:47.720 Stop, I'll pour wet cement in his piccolo. 56:49.720 --> 56:51.720 Bob Hope! 56:51.720 --> 56:53.720 Am I bad? You're bad. Meredith, you can run along. 56:53.720 --> 56:55.720 Bob Hope! 56:55.720 --> 56:57.720 Well, Milton DeLug. 57:03.720 --> 57:05.720 I expect the poor back here, you know. 57:05.720 --> 57:07.720 No, no Bob. 57:07.720 --> 57:09.720 Well, I'm Meredith Wilson. 57:09.720 --> 57:11.720 Either way, you're not going to get the Carnegie Hog. 57:15.720 --> 57:17.720 Why did I sit next to Durrani? 57:25.720 --> 57:27.720 Speak up, I got it, alright. 57:31.720 --> 57:33.720 I have a coach in the dramatic school here. 57:33.720 --> 57:35.720 I'm not in the dramatic school here, I'm not. 57:35.720 --> 57:37.720 Speak up, boy, what's on your mind? 57:37.720 --> 57:41.720 I'll make it fast, I'm doing a benefit in 20 minutes for the members of your band. 57:43.720 --> 57:45.720 Well, you know Mr. Hope, I'm a big fan. 57:45.720 --> 57:47.720 What's that? I say I'm a big fan. 57:47.720 --> 57:49.720 Yes, you have. 57:53.720 --> 57:55.720 I even listen to you when you're on Bing Show. 57:55.720 --> 57:59.720 Oh, Bing Show, oh yes, one of the Gary Crosby enterprises, yeah. 57:59.720 --> 58:01.720 Well, sir, I was just telling Ms. Bank 58:01.720 --> 58:03.720 a story that happened back in Mason City, Iowa. 58:03.720 --> 58:07.720 Meredith, you're not going to continue that nauseating little yawn 58:07.720 --> 58:11.720 about the time you ate a triple-decker tongue sandwich on rice. 58:11.720 --> 58:13.720 This big show is getting smaller every minute. 58:13.720 --> 58:17.720 You know, it's time for the old pro to step in, old reliable himself. 58:17.720 --> 58:19.720 Introduce me, will you, Toulouse? 58:19.720 --> 58:21.720 Ladies and gentlemen, Tommy Henry. 58:21.720 --> 58:29.720 I'm doing real great here so far, I'm a straight man for a station break. 58:32.720 --> 58:34.720 Say, would you mind if I slipped a few gems in here, 58:34.720 --> 58:37.720 or are you warming Maury Amsterdam up in the bullpen? 58:38.720 --> 58:42.720 All right, darling, but I must give you an introduction befitting your statue. 58:42.720 --> 58:43.720 Well, now you're talking. 58:43.720 --> 58:46.720 I'll give you a big, fat introduction. 58:46.720 --> 58:50.720 Please, wear your yellow dress, chubby. 58:52.720 --> 58:57.720 Ladies and gentlemen, we on the big show feel we're extremely lucky to have a... 58:57.720 --> 58:59.720 Watch your language. 58:59.720 --> 59:00.720 Oh, excuse me, darling. 59:00.720 --> 59:04.720 Ladies and gentlemen, we on the big show feel we're extremely Chesterfield 59:04.720 --> 59:06.720 to have with us Bob. 59:08.720 --> 59:11.720 Bob, he brought all our boys laughs and good cheer 59:11.720 --> 59:13.720 by riding a jeep all through career 59:13.720 --> 59:16.720 and now can't sit down on his sofa, ho. 59:26.720 --> 59:27.720 Thank you very much, Toulouse. 59:27.720 --> 59:30.720 I have six or seven hundred jokes here. 59:30.720 --> 59:32.720 I'll tell them in alphabetical order. 59:33.720 --> 59:36.720 I want to tell you it's a great thrill to be on this big show, ladies and gentlemen, 59:36.720 --> 59:37.720 with all the stars. 59:37.720 --> 59:40.720 We've got enough stars here for a congressional investigation. 59:40.720 --> 59:41.720 Isn't it wonderful? 59:41.720 --> 59:42.720 They have everything. 59:42.720 --> 59:43.720 You should see the orchestra here. 59:43.720 --> 59:45.720 It looks like Petrillo's wedding. 59:49.720 --> 59:53.720 They have another fellow here, running around with some headphones on. 59:54.720 --> 59:57.720 He's listening to see how the other networks are doing. 01:00:00.720 --> 01:00:02.720 I'm finally glad to get on the mic alone, too. 01:00:02.720 --> 01:00:05.720 I've been sitting over in that couch for three days. 01:00:06.720 --> 01:00:09.720 Can you imagine being on a couch for a half hour? 01:00:09.720 --> 01:00:11.720 With Jose Ferrer. 01:00:13.720 --> 01:00:14.720 He didn't do a thing for me. 01:00:16.720 --> 01:00:17.720 And vice versa. 01:00:19.720 --> 01:00:21.720 And he keeps calling me Cyrano. 01:00:26.720 --> 01:00:27.720 What a parlay. 01:00:27.720 --> 01:00:30.720 Jose Ferrer, Durandy and me, they ought to call this show Three Noses East. 01:00:30.720 --> 01:00:35.720 The couch looks like the waiting room in a plastic surgeon's office. 01:00:43.720 --> 01:00:45.720 I really enjoyed it here with Eddie Tanner. 01:00:45.720 --> 01:00:47.720 He looks wonderful at his age. 01:00:47.720 --> 01:00:48.720 And I love that. 01:00:49.720 --> 01:00:50.720 I love Jimmy Durandy. 01:00:50.720 --> 01:00:52.720 Wasn't he wonderful up here? 01:00:55.720 --> 01:00:56.720 I love the way he works. 01:00:56.720 --> 01:01:04.720 I made a mistake and went to school, but I want to tell you that this is really the most wonderful show with all these stars. 01:01:04.720 --> 01:01:07.720 This is either going to break Jack Benny or the Rockefellers. 01:01:12.720 --> 01:01:13.720 But you were right, Tallulah. 01:01:13.720 --> 01:01:17.720 Our little band of stage-struck gypsies did take a jeep ride through Korea. 01:01:17.720 --> 01:01:19.720 But we only took the short ride. 01:01:19.720 --> 01:01:24.720 We saw a lot of kids over there riding jeeps, tanks and jets from Pusan to Manchuria. 01:01:24.720 --> 01:01:28.720 You know, it's a rugged war, but when we need it, ruggedness is made in America. 01:01:28.720 --> 01:01:31.720 And our boys are proving it over in Korea. 01:01:31.720 --> 01:01:33.720 Man, how we traveled on that trip. 01:01:33.720 --> 01:01:38.720 We were on instruments for hours going through rain, sleet, wind, fog and snow. 01:01:38.720 --> 01:01:41.720 I'll never forget that bus ride to the Los Angeles airport. 01:01:43.720 --> 01:01:46.720 But we visited a lot of spots. 01:01:46.720 --> 01:01:51.720 Honolulu, Guam, Tokyo, Korea and the Aleutian Islands, wherever people smoke Chesterfields. 01:01:51.720 --> 01:01:56.720 15,000 miles because I didn't read the small print in my contract. 01:01:58.720 --> 01:01:59.720 Honolulu is a beautiful spot. 01:01:59.720 --> 01:02:03.720 As a tourist pulls into Honolulu Harbor, they put a layer of flowers around his neck and say, 01:02:03.720 --> 01:02:06.720 Welcome to the paradise of the Pacific Aloha. 01:02:06.720 --> 01:02:09.720 Translated, that means, boy, is this going to cost you. 01:02:10.720 --> 01:02:12.720 Isn't that a wonderful audience? 01:02:12.720 --> 01:02:19.720 They're still frozen there from the last Sonya Hennies show. 01:02:27.720 --> 01:02:28.720 But I loved Honolulu. 01:02:28.720 --> 01:02:33.720 Godfrey spent a few weeks there this summer teaching the natives how to play the ukulele. 01:02:35.720 --> 01:02:37.720 And did you know Godfrey's in the Navy? 01:02:37.720 --> 01:02:42.720 They had to let him in, he threatened to buy his own. 01:02:43.720 --> 01:02:44.720 Godfrey is really a big operator. 01:02:44.720 --> 01:02:51.720 In fact, over at that other place, they told me to read it that way. 01:02:52.720 --> 01:02:56.720 Over at that other place when they mentioned Godfrey's name, they dropped the last syllable. 01:02:57.720 --> 01:02:59.720 You know, I can't wait. 01:02:59.720 --> 01:03:00.720 It's only an hour and a half. 01:03:00.720 --> 01:03:02.720 When we landed. 01:03:03.720 --> 01:03:04.720 But back to the trip. 01:03:04.720 --> 01:03:07.720 You know, when we landed at Okinawa, I was met by a native hand. 01:03:07.720 --> 01:03:08.720 Band. 01:03:08.720 --> 01:03:09.720 Band. 01:03:09.720 --> 01:03:10.720 I was, thank you. 01:03:10.720 --> 01:03:12.720 I stuck out my hand and said, Bob Hope, USA. 01:03:12.720 --> 01:03:14.720 The leader said, Bongo Bongo, MCA. 01:03:17.720 --> 01:03:18.720 I was around there during the last war. 01:03:18.720 --> 01:03:20.720 I went ashore with a second wave at Saipan. 01:03:21.720 --> 01:03:22.720 First one was married. 01:03:24.720 --> 01:03:26.720 Wave, that's an old salt with a new shaker. 01:03:26.720 --> 01:03:27.720 But you know, somehow. 01:03:27.720 --> 01:03:29.720 It takes a long while to get up there, doesn't it? 01:03:32.720 --> 01:03:34.720 This time I've never worked to a layer cake. 01:03:34.720 --> 01:03:35.720 You know, somehow. 01:03:38.720 --> 01:03:39.720 16 balconies. 01:03:39.720 --> 01:03:41.720 You've got to get a sore neck in this place. 01:03:41.720 --> 01:03:45.720 You know, somehow, somehow this trip was different from the others I've been on. 01:03:45.720 --> 01:03:47.720 The GIs are so much more polite. 01:03:47.720 --> 01:03:49.720 In the last war, they treated me rough and tough. 01:03:49.720 --> 01:03:52.720 But now every time I landed in their field, they'd throw a shot at me. 01:03:52.720 --> 01:03:54.720 I was a little bit more polite. 01:03:54.720 --> 01:03:59.720 Rough and tough, but now every time I landed in their field, they'd throw a shawl around me and help me over the puddle. 01:04:02.720 --> 01:04:04.720 What a joke, I never should have borrowed a writer from Maul. 01:04:06.720 --> 01:04:10.720 But I want to say that we're very indebted to the Air Force for flying us around in this little junket. 01:04:10.720 --> 01:04:12.720 We had a smooth trip over. 01:04:12.720 --> 01:04:14.720 First we flew at an altitude that didn't bother me. 01:04:14.720 --> 01:04:17.720 We had to go up higher because the salt water was ruining the tires. 01:04:20.720 --> 01:04:23.720 While we were going about 300 miles an hour, when I looked out and saw what I thought was a flying saucer, 01:04:23.720 --> 01:04:25.720 it turned out to be my stomach going in the other direction. 01:04:28.720 --> 01:04:31.720 But you know, I was thinking today, with those fast planes and atomic bombs, 01:04:31.720 --> 01:04:33.720 I sometimes think we're moving at too mad a pace. 01:04:33.720 --> 01:04:36.720 Wouldn't it be awful if the Republicans got in just as the world went out? 01:04:44.720 --> 01:04:47.720 But it was a wonderful trip, and what a reception we got in Tokyo. 01:04:47.720 --> 01:04:49.720 You should have heard the screams when I got off the plane. 01:04:49.720 --> 01:04:53.720 I unfastened the wrong belt. 01:04:59.720 --> 01:05:04.720 Well actually, actually ladies and gentlemen, I don't think we have to worry about the Korean War anymore. 01:05:04.720 --> 01:05:07.720 Warner Brothers has alerted Humphrey Bogart. 01:05:10.720 --> 01:05:13.720 No, I'm just being a little whimsical. Very little. 01:05:14.720 --> 01:05:17.720 The government has the situation pretty well in hand right now. 01:05:17.720 --> 01:05:19.720 That's why I don't like the word taxes. 01:05:19.720 --> 01:05:24.720 What it all adds up to is an insurance policy for peace, and I'm happy to be paying premiums. 01:05:24.720 --> 01:05:28.720 And that's what I like about this big show. They pay so well. 01:05:28.720 --> 01:05:32.720 But with the new taxes, I'm going to have my salary sent directly to the government. 01:05:32.720 --> 01:05:35.720 That way we eliminate the middle man. 01:05:36.720 --> 01:05:38.720 Me. 01:05:39.720 --> 01:05:42.720 I'll never complain about taxes though. I know you can't take it with you. 01:05:42.720 --> 01:05:44.720 I'd just like to look at it while I'm here. 01:05:44.720 --> 01:05:49.720 But higher taxes doesn't really matter because money is getting so it has little value. 01:05:49.720 --> 01:05:52.720 The other night at the store club, I pulled out a five dollar bill and Lincoln said, 01:05:52.720 --> 01:05:55.720 Please, not here. I look so shabby. 01:06:10.720 --> 01:06:13.720 Bob, I must say you were superb. 01:06:13.720 --> 01:06:15.720 I know, it's in my contract. 01:06:16.720 --> 01:06:18.720 Now, Toulouse, how about the loot? The money, huh? 01:06:18.720 --> 01:06:19.720 That's not my department, darling. 01:06:19.720 --> 01:06:23.720 Well, the money's not really for me. I'm taking up a collection for Tammany Hall. 01:06:24.720 --> 01:06:27.720 But really, what about the money? How do we get paid here? In cash? 01:06:27.720 --> 01:06:29.720 No, darling, we all get checks. 01:06:29.720 --> 01:06:31.720 Hoop-de-do! 01:06:33.720 --> 01:06:34.720 That is my... 01:06:34.720 --> 01:06:36.720 Why, his voice is changing. 01:06:37.720 --> 01:06:42.720 I must... Now shut up, Bob. I must introduce Perry Como. He's going to sing now. 01:06:42.720 --> 01:06:46.720 Just a minute, excuse me. I'd like to talk to you, Bob. Can I see you? 01:06:46.720 --> 01:06:49.720 Oh, I'm sorry, Eddie. If it's about one of your daughters, I'm already married. 01:06:51.720 --> 01:06:53.720 And if it's about a son, you can't adopt me. 01:06:55.720 --> 01:07:00.720 No, Bob, what I have to tell you is for your benefit. I've been in show business for 40 years. 01:07:00.720 --> 01:07:02.720 It wasn't for my benefit. 01:07:03.720 --> 01:07:07.720 No, I'm serious, Bob. I don't like to make any trouble, but I don't know if you noticed it, 01:07:07.720 --> 01:07:12.720 but I sang a song on this program, Durante sang, and now they're going to have Como sing. 01:07:12.720 --> 01:07:14.720 Why don't you sing, Robert? 01:07:14.720 --> 01:07:17.720 Eddie, you're going to make trouble for me again. 01:07:17.720 --> 01:07:22.720 No, no, I'm not making trouble. I've been in show business for 40 years. I'm only trying to protect this boy. 01:07:22.720 --> 01:07:24.720 Thank you, Grandma Moses. 01:07:26.720 --> 01:07:30.720 No, no, don't joke about it. I've seen it happen too many times. 01:07:30.720 --> 01:07:34.720 First they take away your songs, then they take away your jokes, then you take your name off the theater, 01:07:34.720 --> 01:07:38.720 and the first thing you know, you wind up as an old movie on television. 01:07:39.720 --> 01:07:44.720 I've seen your television show. You know, Eddie, TV is a pretty tough racket for an old timer. 01:07:44.720 --> 01:07:46.720 How do you feel? You don't look it. 01:07:48.720 --> 01:07:50.720 Give me a chance, will you? 01:07:52.720 --> 01:07:53.720 Me too. 01:07:53.720 --> 01:07:55.720 I have my other muscles with me. 01:07:56.720 --> 01:07:57.720 Ida! 01:07:57.720 --> 01:08:02.720 He's rehearsing. 01:08:06.720 --> 01:08:08.720 Look, if you feel anything, cut in, honey. Go ahead. 01:08:08.720 --> 01:08:10.720 I'm just about to, brother. 01:08:10.720 --> 01:08:12.720 Well, I went to my doctor last week for a checkup. 01:08:12.720 --> 01:08:14.720 Where is that? Oh, there he is. 01:08:14.720 --> 01:08:15.720 Here, Tom. 01:08:15.720 --> 01:08:17.720 We're getting back to this stuff. 01:08:17.720 --> 01:08:22.720 Oh, yes, I see. I went to my doctor last week for a checkup. He said I look better on fluoroscopes than I do on TV. 01:08:22.720 --> 01:08:24.720 He's not a doctor, he's a critic. 01:08:24.720 --> 01:08:25.720 Yep. 01:08:25.720 --> 01:08:27.720 It doesn't be funny. 01:08:28.720 --> 01:08:30.720 What are you wearing, a feathered girdle? 01:08:33.720 --> 01:08:36.720 If it's about one of your daughters, I'm already married. 01:08:40.720 --> 01:08:43.720 Come in quickly, Eddie. There it is, baby. 01:08:43.720 --> 01:08:47.720 Baby? 01:08:50.720 --> 01:08:56.720 Eddie, to Lulu, we're on page 38. Why don't you get a crew cut so you can see the script? 01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:02.720 Say, what are you saying about television, Eddie? 01:09:02.720 --> 01:09:05.720 Well, it's a tough business. As if I didn't have enough trouble, Ida came on my last show. 01:09:05.720 --> 01:09:07.720 I gave her one line and she loused it up. 01:09:07.720 --> 01:09:09.720 But now she's stage-struck. There she is back there now. 01:09:09.720 --> 01:09:10.720 Hello, Ida! 01:09:10.720 --> 01:09:13.720 You're waving at Durante. 01:09:13.720 --> 01:09:14.720 Oh, oh, oh. 01:09:14.720 --> 01:09:21.720 Now look here, if everybody's too waving at his wife and five daughters, he can kind of take three giant steps back from this microphone. 01:09:21.720 --> 01:09:25.720 There's a little unfinished business I'd like to attend to about a song. 01:09:25.720 --> 01:09:30.720 Well, if you insist. For my first number, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to sing an old English madrigal. I'll be suing you. 01:09:31.720 --> 01:09:33.720 I don't need you, Bob. Pick it up. 01:09:33.720 --> 01:09:40.720 Since the show began, now you listen to me, Bob and Eddie, I've been trying to do a song and I'm going to sing it now. 01:09:40.720 --> 01:09:41.720 You're going to sing? 01:09:41.720 --> 01:09:42.720 Mm-hmm. 01:09:42.720 --> 01:09:44.720 I didn't know a foghorn could get a union card. 01:09:47.720 --> 01:09:49.720 What are you singing, A Sleep in the Deep? 01:09:51.720 --> 01:09:56.720 No, it's Give My Regards to Broadway. The first week when I sang it, there were some letters complaining that I was off key. 01:09:56.720 --> 01:09:59.720 Oh, don't mind them. I wrote them in a fit of temper. 01:09:59.720 --> 01:10:08.720 Well, then last week, that adorable, ridiculous Groucho March, Mark, ad libbed so much we didn't have time to finish the song. 01:10:08.720 --> 01:10:11.720 Now, I want you to listen to me, Bob, and I want your frank and candid opinion. 01:10:11.720 --> 01:10:33.720 Okay, I'll go stand by that open window. If I'm lucky, I may fall off. 01:10:34.720 --> 01:10:37.720 This is your note, Miss Bankhead. 01:10:37.720 --> 01:10:41.720 Thank you very much. 01:10:41.720 --> 01:10:49.720 Give my regards to Broadway. Remember me to heralds well. 01:10:49.720 --> 01:10:57.720 Tell all the gang at 42nd Street that I will soon be there. 01:10:57.720 --> 01:11:05.720 Whisper of how I'm yearning. Domingo with the old-time song. 01:11:05.720 --> 01:11:13.720 Give my regards to old Broadway and say that I'll be there along. 01:11:13.720 --> 01:11:31.720 Whisper of how I'm yearning. To linger with the old-time song. 01:11:31.720 --> 01:11:53.720 Give my regards to old Broadway, that's been dispatched at last in Spock. 01:11:53.720 --> 01:12:02.720 Well, Bob, Bob, what do you think, darling? 01:12:02.720 --> 01:12:08.720 You've just heard Miss Tallulah Bankhead in a beautiful rendition of Give My Regards to Seventh Avenue. 01:12:08.720 --> 01:12:09.720 To Broadway? 01:12:09.720 --> 01:12:12.720 You're still a block away. 01:12:12.720 --> 01:12:18.720 Isn't he funny? Godfrey's talent, Scouts, went that way. 01:12:18.720 --> 01:12:23.720 Hey, that joke's bad enough to be on television. Come to think of it, so are you. 01:12:23.720 --> 01:12:30.720 Please, Bob Tallulah, two stars of your magnitude bickering in public. It's not nice, and I'll tell you why. 01:12:30.720 --> 01:12:33.720 You're right, Eddie. I'm sorry, Tallulah, I apologize. 01:12:33.720 --> 01:12:35.720 I've been a show business 40 years. 01:12:35.720 --> 01:12:41.720 Oh, no, Bob, you're not going to get the audience on your side by being big about an apologizing. I'm as big as you are. 01:12:41.720 --> 01:12:42.720 Bigger. 01:12:42.720 --> 01:12:43.720 Oh. 01:12:43.720 --> 01:12:48.720 And in those 40 years, I've always treated my fellow actors and equal, except when it came to Billy. 01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:52.720 But don't worry, Miss Bankhead, I don't mind apologizing. I can take it. I have broad shoulders. 01:12:52.720 --> 01:12:56.720 Darling, you're padding your parts. 01:12:56.720 --> 01:13:01.720 Look who's talking about padding. 01:13:01.720 --> 01:13:05.720 What? 01:13:05.720 --> 01:13:12.720 In spite of my 40 years in show business, I am basically a family man. I remember when my first daughter was born. 01:13:12.720 --> 01:13:18.720 Bob, I liked you much better when you wore a mustache and called yourself Jerry Colonna. 01:13:18.720 --> 01:13:20.720 No offense, man, of course. 01:13:20.720 --> 01:13:25.720 I liked you much better in all about Eve. Offense, man, of course. 01:13:25.720 --> 01:13:29.720 My first daughter's name was Marjorie, and then came my second daughter, Natalie. 01:13:29.720 --> 01:13:35.720 Bob, if you're referring to Betty Davis, I happen to be one of her fondest admirers. I see all her pictures time and again. 01:13:35.720 --> 01:13:40.720 How else can you learn? 01:13:40.720 --> 01:13:42.720 The next year came Edna. 01:13:42.720 --> 01:13:50.720 Robert, that was a cruel, cruel thing to say. I have been acclaimed in the theater for my portrayals of Brittle, Ruthless, and Wren. 01:13:50.720 --> 01:13:56.720 There is Tallulah Bankhead, the actress, but there is another Tallulah Bankhead, the woman, and you have hurt her deeply. 01:13:56.720 --> 01:13:58.720 Oh, now wait a minute. I was only... 01:13:58.720 --> 01:14:04.720 Oh, no, Bob, don't say it. There's nothing you can say. 01:14:04.720 --> 01:14:12.720 The wound was too deep, and I shall carry the scar forever. 01:14:12.720 --> 01:14:16.720 Gee, kid, I'm sorry I said it. You know, I think you're one of the great actresses of our time. 01:14:16.720 --> 01:14:20.720 Yeah, quite a performance, wasn't it? 01:14:20.720 --> 01:14:27.720 Let Betty Davis top that. I'm the original. She came after me by one year. 01:14:27.720 --> 01:14:30.720 That was a mad live. 01:14:30.720 --> 01:14:34.720 And then came Marilyn. 01:14:34.720 --> 01:14:38.720 Say, that was a great performance, Tallulah. You really booby-tracked me with that little tear-jerker. 01:14:38.720 --> 01:14:41.720 You know, I'm thinking of doing a picture, and I'd love to have you for my leading lady. 01:14:41.720 --> 01:14:42.720 Oh, you're joking. 01:14:42.720 --> 01:14:46.720 I've been trying to, but your writers got here before mine. 01:14:46.720 --> 01:14:49.720 I'm serious now. There's a wonderful dramatic part in this picture for you, Tallulah. 01:14:49.720 --> 01:14:55.720 I play the part of Pete Johnson, and you're my wife, and you decide to leave me, and you try to take our dog and her litter of puppies with you. 01:14:55.720 --> 01:14:57.720 But I won't give them up. 01:14:57.720 --> 01:15:01.720 And that's where you have a very dramatic speech, where you try to make Pete give you the dog and the puppies. 01:15:01.720 --> 01:15:03.720 Show me how you deliver that speech. 01:15:03.720 --> 01:15:09.720 All right, darling. Peter, give me the litter. Oh, what am I saying? 01:15:09.720 --> 01:15:12.720 I could do a little tricking myself, you know. 01:15:12.720 --> 01:15:15.720 Next year, I went on the road. 01:15:15.720 --> 01:15:20.720 Oh, this is silly of you to try to start a feud between Betty and me. 01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:24.720 If the truth were known, you know that we are the best of friends, Betty Davidson and I. 01:15:24.720 --> 01:15:28.720 I know, Tallulah. I saw Betty before I left Hollywood, and she told me that when I get to New York, I should call you. 01:15:28.720 --> 01:15:29.720 Really, darling? 01:15:29.720 --> 01:15:33.720 I can't tell you what. 01:15:33.720 --> 01:15:36.720 And then came Janet. 01:15:36.720 --> 01:15:40.720 Bob, I don't believe that. Betty and I have always been very frank with each other. 01:15:40.720 --> 01:15:45.720 There's nothing, nothing I'd say behind her back that I wouldn't say to her face. 01:15:45.720 --> 01:15:49.720 Either one of them. 01:15:49.720 --> 01:15:51.720 And then came prohibition. 01:15:51.720 --> 01:15:54.720 Oh, where did we expect you? What have you been saying, darling? 01:15:54.720 --> 01:15:58.720 I've been a show business. 01:15:58.720 --> 01:16:02.720 I've been a show business. Give me his pages. 01:16:02.720 --> 01:16:04.720 I've been a show business 40 years. 01:16:04.720 --> 01:16:06.720 Well, this is where I came in. So long, Tallulah. 01:16:06.720 --> 01:16:08.720 Oh, no, wait, Bob. No, wait. The show isn't over. 01:16:08.720 --> 01:16:12.720 We've had a most charming little chat, and I'd like to talk to you some more before you leave, huh? 01:16:12.720 --> 01:16:15.720 Okay. I'll go up to the dressing room and wash off the blood. 01:16:15.720 --> 01:16:18.720 I'll have a rub down and a massage. Will you join me? 01:16:18.720 --> 01:16:19.720 See you later, Bob. 01:16:19.720 --> 01:16:21.720 Say Como, a rub down and a massage. 01:16:21.720 --> 01:16:23.720 Hey, Bob, wait. Wait, I'll go with you. 01:16:23.720 --> 01:16:26.720 I don't like to make any trouble, but that's the way it always happens. 01:16:26.720 --> 01:16:29.720 You see, first they give you a massage, then they rub you out altogether. You know what I mean? 01:16:29.720 --> 01:16:34.720 Now, let me see. I should have Pericomo on my list. I'd better let him sing his song now. 01:16:34.720 --> 01:16:35.720 Now, Tallulah? 01:16:35.720 --> 01:16:38.720 No, I'm sorry, Jimmy. Pericomo is ahead of you in the alphabet. 01:16:38.720 --> 01:16:46.720 There's only 52 letters in the alphabet, not counting the jokers. And I'm getting lost in a shuffle. 01:16:46.720 --> 01:16:50.720 No, you're not, darling. Pericomo is doing his thing right now. 01:16:50.720 --> 01:16:53.720 Como, since when does K come before D? 01:16:53.720 --> 01:16:55.720 Como is spelled with a C. 01:16:55.720 --> 01:17:01.720 Oh, Perisomo. Why didn't you say so? I'll be back later. 01:17:01.720 --> 01:17:04.720 All right. Pericomo, you're next. 01:17:04.720 --> 01:17:05.720 Well, it's about time. 01:17:05.720 --> 01:17:08.720 I'm sorry you had to wait this long. Did you have a bad time, Omi? 01:17:08.720 --> 01:17:13.720 Oh, no, no. I've been doing very well, counting tips. I sold a few packets of Chesterfield, you know. 01:17:13.720 --> 01:17:16.720 Oh, I'm glad. Now, tell me, Perry, have you made any new records lately? 01:17:16.720 --> 01:17:20.720 I just cut a fellow's hair backstage in one minute and four seconds flat. 01:17:20.720 --> 01:17:22.720 No, my friend. I mean your recordings. 01:17:22.720 --> 01:17:26.720 Oh, you mean my RCA Victor records. So they're selling like hotcakes. 01:17:26.720 --> 01:17:28.720 Really? Well, I must try that sometime, darling. 01:17:28.720 --> 01:17:33.720 How do you do that? You put the butter between two records and pour the syrup on top? 01:17:33.720 --> 01:17:36.720 Well, you try it that way while I sing Patricia. 01:17:36.720 --> 01:17:46.720 Okay, darling. 01:17:46.720 --> 01:17:56.720 Oh, Patricia, my darling Patricia, I can see all my dreams in your eyes. 01:17:56.720 --> 01:18:01.720 Your smile is as gay as a bright summer day. 01:18:01.720 --> 01:18:06.720 You're much fairer than Aaron's blue skies. 01:18:06.720 --> 01:18:16.720 Oh, Patricia, my lovely Patricia, you could make all my dreamin' come true. 01:18:16.720 --> 01:18:19.720 My heart is just droolin'. 01:18:19.720 --> 01:18:26.720 Patricia, no foolin', I'm falling in love with you. 01:18:26.720 --> 01:18:37.720 Oh, Patricia, my darling Patricia, I can see all my dreams in your eyes. 01:18:37.720 --> 01:18:42.720 Your smile is as gay as a bright summer day. 01:18:42.720 --> 01:18:47.720 You're much fairer than Aaron's blue skies. 01:18:47.720 --> 01:18:57.720 Oh, Patricia, my lovely Patricia, you could make all my dreamin' come true. 01:18:57.720 --> 01:19:00.720 My heart is just droolin'. 01:19:00.720 --> 01:19:28.720 Patricia, no foolin', I'm falling in love with you. 01:19:28.720 --> 01:19:38.720 Oh, Patricia, my lovely Patricia, you could make all my dreamin' come true. 01:19:38.720 --> 01:19:41.720 My heart is just droolin'. 01:19:41.720 --> 01:19:57.720 Patricia, no foolin', I'm falling in love with you. 01:19:57.720 --> 01:20:09.720 Terry, I like it that way. 01:20:09.720 --> 01:20:12.720 Oh, now? To do? 01:20:12.720 --> 01:20:14.720 Not now. Yes, now, Jimmy. 01:20:14.720 --> 01:20:17.720 Oh, I thought so, but you ain't getting me to follow that kid. 01:20:17.720 --> 01:20:18.720 Why not? 01:20:18.720 --> 01:20:20.720 Because I don't want to show up as bush. 01:20:20.720 --> 01:20:23.720 By the way, kid, let me give you a little bit of advice. 01:20:23.720 --> 01:20:24.720 Yes, Mr. Durante? 01:20:24.720 --> 01:20:28.720 I've been in show business for 40 years. 01:20:28.720 --> 01:20:34.720 I kind of like you, kid. You give a good haircut. 01:20:34.720 --> 01:20:37.720 What's that with the song you just sang? 01:20:37.720 --> 01:20:38.720 Oh, you mean, Patricia? 01:20:38.720 --> 01:20:40.720 Patricia, that's no song for you. 01:20:40.720 --> 01:20:43.720 I'll give you one of mine. I got a million. 01:20:43.720 --> 01:20:45.720 How about singing, I'm Jimmy the Well-Dressed Man? 01:20:45.720 --> 01:20:47.720 Of course, you'll have to change your name. 01:20:47.720 --> 01:20:50.720 Why wouldn't I sing, I'm Perry the Well-Dressed Man? 01:20:50.720 --> 01:20:53.720 Well, that's the cowardly way out. 01:20:53.720 --> 01:20:55.720 On second thought, you couldn't sing it at all. 01:20:55.720 --> 01:20:58.720 Look at them clothes you're wearing. Look at my clothes. 01:20:58.720 --> 01:20:59.720 Who's your tailor? 01:20:59.720 --> 01:21:02.720 Oh, I wouldn't call him that. 01:21:02.720 --> 01:21:04.720 Yeah, but all my clothes are at Saks Fifth Avenue. 01:21:04.720 --> 01:21:09.720 I got a place that's twice as good, Saks Tenth Avenue. 01:21:09.720 --> 01:21:13.720 Hey, come on, Colmo. How about that rug down? I'm freezing. 01:21:13.720 --> 01:21:16.720 Finally got a line with Bob. 01:21:16.720 --> 01:21:19.720 Well, Kalu, I guess I go on now. 01:21:19.720 --> 01:21:20.720 Oh, but Jimmy, the time is running short. 01:21:20.720 --> 01:21:22.720 You won't be able to do yourself justice. 01:21:22.720 --> 01:21:25.720 Why don't you come back and be my guest some other time, huh? 01:21:25.720 --> 01:21:27.720 Sure, Kalu. 01:21:27.720 --> 01:21:30.720 Any time, but none of that alphabetical stuff for me. 01:21:30.720 --> 01:21:32.720 Why don't you come back next week, Jimmy? 01:21:32.720 --> 01:21:33.720 Who you got on next week? 01:21:33.720 --> 01:21:35.720 Well, we have Fred Allen. 01:21:35.720 --> 01:21:37.720 There you go with that alphabet again. 01:21:37.720 --> 01:21:40.720 I'll come back when you got Zanuck and Zabisco. 01:21:43.720 --> 01:21:47.720 I'd love to have you, Jimmy, because I needn't tell you, you were as usual superb. 01:21:47.720 --> 01:21:50.720 Superb? Oh, you're only just saying that. 01:21:50.720 --> 01:21:52.720 That's right, darling. 01:21:52.720 --> 01:21:55.720 I'll be glad to come back any time, but just one thing, Kalu. 01:21:55.720 --> 01:21:56.720 Yes, sir? 01:21:56.720 --> 01:21:58.720 Do we need that any canner? 01:21:58.720 --> 01:22:02.720 All he does is talk about his five years and show business on his 40 daughters. 01:22:05.720 --> 01:22:07.720 And he gets all the laughs. 01:22:07.720 --> 01:22:09.720 I know just what you mean, Jimmy. 01:22:09.720 --> 01:22:12.720 Just what I was thinking myself. I'm sure I can get rid of him. 01:22:12.720 --> 01:22:13.720 Good night, Jimmy. 01:22:13.720 --> 01:22:16.720 Good night, Kalu. 01:22:16.720 --> 01:22:17.720 Good night, Kalu. 01:22:17.720 --> 01:22:20.720 Oh, Eddie, I was just talking about you, darling. 01:22:20.720 --> 01:22:22.720 Wait for me outside, Jimmy. 01:22:22.720 --> 01:22:23.720 Okay. 01:22:23.720 --> 01:22:27.720 Well, Eddie, I needn't tell you that you were as usual superb. 01:22:27.720 --> 01:22:28.720 Oh, you're just saying that. 01:22:28.720 --> 01:22:30.720 That's right, darling. 01:22:30.720 --> 01:22:32.720 I'd love to have you back on our show again. 01:22:32.720 --> 01:22:34.720 How about a month from today? 01:22:34.720 --> 01:22:36.720 It'll be my pleasure. Oh, one thing, Kalu. 01:22:36.720 --> 01:22:37.720 Yes, Eddie? 01:22:37.720 --> 01:22:40.720 I've been on this show 40 years. 01:22:40.720 --> 01:22:43.720 I can't understand with me on the show why you need a guy like Hope. 01:22:43.720 --> 01:22:46.720 All he does is stand there and add lip and get a lot of laughs. 01:22:46.720 --> 01:22:48.720 I've seen it happen time and time again. 01:22:48.720 --> 01:22:50.720 First he gets a lot of laughs, then they start saying, 01:22:50.720 --> 01:22:52.720 what do we need with all those other stars on the show? You get me? 01:22:52.720 --> 01:22:57.720 Eddie, you took the word right out of my own venomous mouth, darling. 01:22:57.720 --> 01:22:59.720 I don't mean to make trouble, you understand. 01:22:59.720 --> 01:23:01.720 Oh, of course, and I'm sure I can arrange to keep him off the show. 01:23:01.720 --> 01:23:02.720 Good night, Kalu. 01:23:02.720 --> 01:23:03.720 Good night, Eddie. 01:23:03.720 --> 01:23:04.720 Oh, hello, Bob. 01:23:04.720 --> 01:23:07.720 Wait for me outside, will you, Eddie? 01:23:07.720 --> 01:23:11.720 Well, Bob, I needn't tell you that you were as usual superb. 01:23:11.720 --> 01:23:15.720 Why not? If it takes too long, I'll sponsor the next 15 minutes. 01:23:15.720 --> 01:23:19.720 You really were, darling, and I'd love to have you back with us again, huh? 01:23:19.720 --> 01:23:21.720 I'd like to, but I don't fit in with you, old-timer. 01:23:21.720 --> 01:23:25.720 I mean, he's too old-timer. 01:23:25.720 --> 01:23:29.720 I'm young, I'm lovely, I'm engaged to Chesterfield. 01:23:29.720 --> 01:23:31.720 After all, too, let's be honest. 01:23:31.720 --> 01:23:34.720 Well, Bob, it's a little late in the show for that, but if you insist. 01:23:34.720 --> 01:23:37.720 You know, you and I could wrap this thing up ourselves. 01:23:37.720 --> 01:23:39.720 Why split the laughs up with the other two guys, you see? 01:23:39.720 --> 01:23:41.720 Darling, you've been reading my mind. 01:23:41.720 --> 01:23:44.720 Well, it was open, so I just took a fast peek. 01:23:44.720 --> 01:23:47.720 I'm sure I can arrange to have them taken off, though. 01:23:47.720 --> 01:23:48.720 Hey, Bob! 01:23:48.720 --> 01:23:49.720 You coming? 01:23:49.720 --> 01:23:50.720 Yeah, I'm coming. Good night, lula. 01:23:50.720 --> 01:23:52.720 Good night, Bob. 01:23:52.720 --> 01:23:54.720 Well, here I am, man. Let's go. 01:23:54.720 --> 01:23:55.720 Come on, Eddie. Come on, Jimmy. 01:23:55.720 --> 01:23:56.720 You coming, Tomo? 01:23:56.720 --> 01:24:00.720 You're right with it, Tomo. 01:24:00.720 --> 01:24:04.720 Look, fellas, can't we get rid of that bankhead dame? 01:24:04.720 --> 01:24:08.720 You said it, Eddie, a woman master of ceremonies. 01:24:08.720 --> 01:24:10.720 I'm gonna tell Miss Bankhead what you said. 01:24:10.720 --> 01:24:14.720 Oh, who's afraid of her and her broad A's? 01:24:14.720 --> 01:24:20.720 Ha ha ha! 01:24:20.720 --> 01:24:22.720 Darling, don't pay any attention to them. 01:24:22.720 --> 01:24:24.720 They were only joking, I hope. 01:24:24.720 --> 01:24:28.720 Because I like this job, and I want to invite all of you to be back with us next week. 01:24:28.720 --> 01:24:35.720 And we will have with us Fred Allen, Jack Carson, Mindy Carson, Perry Como, Ed Archie Gardner, and Ed Winn. 01:24:35.720 --> 01:24:39.720 And now the rest of the company joins me in hoping that until then... 01:24:39.720 --> 01:24:44.720 May the good Lord bless and keep you. 01:24:44.720 --> 01:24:48.720 Weather near or far away. Mindy? 01:24:48.720 --> 01:24:56.720 May you find that long-awaited golden day today. 01:24:56.720 --> 01:24:58.720 Bob? 01:24:58.720 --> 01:25:05.720 May your troubles all be small ones, and your fortune ten times ten. 01:25:05.720 --> 01:25:06.720 Jimmy? 01:25:06.720 --> 01:25:10.720 May the good Lord bless and keep you. 01:25:10.720 --> 01:25:15.720 Till we meet again, Perry. 01:25:15.720 --> 01:25:23.720 May you walk with the sunlight shining, and a bluebird in every tree. 01:25:23.720 --> 01:25:24.720 Eddie? 01:25:24.720 --> 01:25:33.720 May there be a silver lining back of every cloud you see. 01:25:33.720 --> 01:25:44.720 Will you greet this week tomorrow? Never mind what life has been. 01:25:44.720 --> 01:25:53.720 May the good Lord bless and keep you. Until we meet again. 01:25:53.720 --> 01:26:14.720 May the good Lord bless and keep you. Till we meet. Till we meet again. 01:26:14.720 --> 01:26:17.720 Good night, darlings, and a happy Thanksgiving. 01:26:17.720 --> 01:26:24.720 The big show is right here on the first alphabetically by D. Engelbach, 01:26:24.720 --> 01:26:27.720 and it's written alphabetically by Goodman Ace and George Foster Morton, 01:26:27.720 --> 01:26:29.720 Queen Wilbur and Kelly and Frank Wilson. 01:26:29.720 --> 01:26:38.720 This is Ed Hurley, good night, everyone. 01:26:38.720 --> 01:26:47.720 I'm Phil Harris, then head to Hopper Show on NBC.