WEBVTT

00:00.000 --> 00:03.040
We're about to be entertained by some of the biggest names in showbiz.

00:03.040 --> 00:08.580
For the next hour and thirty minutes, this program will present in person such bright stars as...

00:08.580 --> 00:09.880
Fred Allen.

00:09.880 --> 00:11.040
Phil Baker.

00:11.040 --> 00:12.440
Marlene Aditi.

00:12.440 --> 00:13.720
Portland Hoffa.

00:13.720 --> 00:15.360
Edward G. Robinson.

00:15.360 --> 00:16.860
Danny Thomas.

00:16.860 --> 00:18.080
Fran Warren.

00:18.080 --> 00:19.180
Meredith Wilson.

00:19.180 --> 00:21.900
And my name, darlings, is the ruler Bankette.

00:21.900 --> 00:36.200
The National Broadcasting Company presents...

00:36.200 --> 00:37.520
The Big Show.

00:37.520 --> 00:50.440
The Big Show.

00:50.440 --> 00:54.640
Ninety minutes with the most innovating personalities in the entertainment world.

00:54.640 --> 01:01.720
Brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of NBC's All-Star Festival.

01:01.720 --> 01:08.360
And here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, Tallulah Bankette.

01:08.360 --> 01:25.480
Well, darlings, here it is, 1951.

01:25.480 --> 01:27.280
1951.

01:27.280 --> 01:30.520
It seems like only yesterday was 1941.

01:30.520 --> 01:33.960
But of course, 1941 was five years ago.

01:33.960 --> 01:39.400
I may be a poor mathematician, but I'm going to be the youngest poor mathematician.

01:39.400 --> 01:43.240
Well, I woke up this morning, thank goodness.

01:43.240 --> 01:46.840
And I looked in the mirror and I said to myself, now, good morning, Tallulah darling.

01:46.840 --> 01:50.380
I call everybody darling, darling.

01:50.380 --> 01:51.880
And I had a little talk with myself.

01:51.880 --> 01:53.980
Now, I talk to myself all the time.

01:53.980 --> 01:57.780
Goodness knows no one else doesn't think I want to listen to.

01:57.780 --> 02:00.680
So I said, now look here, Tallulah, this is a new year.

02:00.680 --> 02:02.320
Now let's make it a good one.

02:02.320 --> 02:06.320
No tantrum, no temper, no insult.

02:06.320 --> 02:09.120
And the face in the mirror said, yes darling, and no radio show.

02:09.120 --> 02:13.680
It was then that I realized that it wasn't the mirror at all I'd been looking out of

02:13.680 --> 02:18.680
my window to poster advertising all about Eve.

02:18.680 --> 02:22.520
Pardon me, Tallulah, may I interrupt this conversation you are having with yourself?

02:22.520 --> 02:27.520
Fred, darling, Fred Allen.

02:27.520 --> 02:38.320
Tallulah, I happen to be all about eavesdropping and I overheard you talking to yourself.

02:38.320 --> 02:40.300
You don't know how lucky you are.

02:40.300 --> 02:45.720
You know, I was on the air 12 years before I found out that I was talking to myself.

02:45.720 --> 02:49.200
Now, Fred, I loved you on radio.

02:49.200 --> 02:50.440
You had a faithful audience.

02:50.440 --> 02:51.920
They never missed your show.

02:51.920 --> 02:54.600
Ah, and my audience is still faithful, Tallulah.

02:54.600 --> 02:59.440
I've been out of radio for three years and they still don't miss my show.

02:59.440 --> 03:03.720
Darling, I'll never understand why you don't have a radio program.

03:03.720 --> 03:06.280
Well, I had to give it up, circumstances, Tallulah.

03:06.280 --> 03:08.160
I had a minor problem.

03:08.160 --> 03:12.000
You see, my hooper and my pulse both went down to five.

03:12.000 --> 03:14.840
Well, you look tempered to find now, darling.

03:14.840 --> 03:17.120
That trip to Florida must have done you a lot of good.

03:17.120 --> 03:18.880
I just adore your tan.

03:18.880 --> 03:20.480
Well, this isn't a tan.

03:20.480 --> 03:22.440
It's sort of a yellow frostbite.

03:22.440 --> 03:27.440
You know, it went down to five in Florida, too.

03:27.440 --> 03:32.560
It was so cold in Miami, I had to put sleeves in my electric blanket so that I could go

03:32.560 --> 03:35.240
out in the daytime.

03:35.240 --> 03:37.040
My teeth kept chattering all night.

03:37.040 --> 03:40.640
Well, why don't you keep them in hot water?

03:40.640 --> 03:45.960
Well, darling, you of all people don't have to worry about not having a regular radio

03:45.960 --> 03:46.960
show.

03:46.960 --> 03:47.960
No, that's true, Tallulah.

03:47.960 --> 03:50.040
I am gainfully unemployed.

03:50.040 --> 03:52.400
Isn't it boring, darling?

03:52.400 --> 03:53.400
What are you doing to do all day?

03:53.400 --> 03:54.480
Oh, I'm always busy.

03:54.480 --> 03:59.640
I have a hobby, unemployment insurance.

03:59.640 --> 04:00.640
Unemployment insurance?

04:00.640 --> 04:07.000
Yes, that is controlled by a government agency that insures you against finding a job.

04:07.000 --> 04:12.120
They pay you a small weekly stipend while they try to place you.

04:12.120 --> 04:18.400
Now, last week, for example, I was interviewed for a job in the automat as a banana turner.

04:18.400 --> 04:20.160
A banana turner?

04:20.160 --> 04:24.840
Yes, in the automat, you see, sometimes when the fruit chef is in a hurry, he will put

04:24.840 --> 04:28.080
a banana into a compartment the long way.

04:28.080 --> 04:33.200
Well, the banana sticks out and the little door won't close, and that's where I come

04:33.200 --> 04:34.200
in.

04:34.200 --> 04:38.360
You as the banana turner?

04:38.360 --> 04:43.520
I turn the banana crosswise so that little door can close, you see.

04:43.520 --> 04:46.760
Now, Fred, you're joking, darling, with this unemployment insurance.

04:46.760 --> 04:49.000
Surely you have some plans for the future.

04:49.000 --> 04:50.080
Well, yes, I have.

04:50.080 --> 04:51.560
I'm coming back to radio.

04:51.560 --> 04:53.920
Oh, that's good news, Fred.

04:53.920 --> 04:54.920
Really?

04:54.920 --> 04:58.720
A comedian like you coming back to radio, radio could really come back.

04:58.720 --> 05:00.200
Is that trip necessary?

05:00.200 --> 05:05.040
Well, confidentially, Tallulah, it's that tea.

05:05.040 --> 05:06.040
I'm off a tea.

05:06.040 --> 05:08.000
I'm leaving out of my words even.

05:08.000 --> 05:10.760
Confidentially, Tallulah, I'm not coming back as a comedian.

05:10.760 --> 05:11.960
That's too tough a job today.

05:11.960 --> 05:15.560
When I come back, I'm going to have the easiest job in radio.

05:15.560 --> 05:16.560
What's that, Fred?

05:16.560 --> 05:18.200
I am going to be a sponsor.

05:18.200 --> 05:20.000
Fred, you a sponsor?

05:20.000 --> 05:21.480
You must be losing a mind.

05:21.480 --> 05:23.240
Well, that's the first requisite.

05:23.240 --> 05:26.800
Well, what are you going to sell?

05:26.800 --> 05:27.800
Nothing.

05:27.800 --> 05:31.920
You know, I think that people have been listening to radio commercials for so long that their

05:31.920 --> 05:35.680
houses are cluttered up with stuff that they really don't need.

05:35.680 --> 05:40.880
So I am going to sell nothing, and I'm going to charge 37 cents for it.

05:40.880 --> 05:43.480
Fred, isn't that a lot of money for nothing?

05:43.480 --> 05:48.560
Oh, the way prices are today, about all you can get for 37 cents is nothing.

05:48.560 --> 05:53.520
And for 47 cents, you can get the big economy size nothing.

05:53.520 --> 05:59.080
Well, I can sponsor a radio show and build it around a personality who could make something

05:59.080 --> 06:00.680
big out of nothing.

06:00.680 --> 06:02.400
Mr. Allen!

06:02.400 --> 06:05.760
Well, here's nothing with a head on it.

06:05.760 --> 06:15.960
Well, as I stand here and cleverly feign astonishment, if it isn't Portland.

06:15.960 --> 06:22.360
Philola, you remember Portland Hopper?

06:22.360 --> 06:27.160
I recognize the city, but the state is unfamiliar.

06:27.160 --> 06:29.400
Portland Hopper, that's an odd name.

06:29.400 --> 06:30.640
Why do they call you Portland?

06:30.640 --> 06:34.880
Well, Miss Bankhead, you see, I was born in Seattle.

06:34.880 --> 06:36.920
Then why didn't they call you Seattle?

06:36.920 --> 06:39.960
Seattle is such a silly name for a girl.

06:39.960 --> 06:40.960
Yes, yes.

06:40.960 --> 06:42.840
Well, lucky for you, you weren't twins.

06:42.840 --> 06:46.160
Your mother might have called you Walla Walla.

06:46.160 --> 06:50.160
Oh, come now, Miss Bankhead, you're joking.

06:50.160 --> 06:52.160
That's what we're here for, darling.

06:52.160 --> 06:57.840
Oh, honestly, Miss Bankhead, we do have twins in our family, but it would have been ridiculous

06:57.840 --> 06:59.840
to call them Walla Walla.

06:59.840 --> 07:02.240
Well, what did they call the twins?

07:02.240 --> 07:04.440
Minneapolis and St. Paul.

07:04.440 --> 07:12.360
Well, look, Mrs. Rand and Mrs. McNally, I hate to put my map in here at this time, but

07:12.360 --> 07:16.640
I'm sure that Portland didn't stop by to discuss the states of the Union.

07:16.640 --> 07:21.000
Now what is on your, you should excuse the expression, your mind, Portland?

07:21.000 --> 07:26.400
Well, Mama says she's an admirer of Miss Bankhead's from way back.

07:26.400 --> 07:29.200
See, that's rather a broad statement.

07:29.200 --> 07:31.200
But carry on, Portland.

07:31.200 --> 07:37.240
Mama listens to Miss Bankhead's shows religiously.

07:37.240 --> 07:40.920
Well it's on Sunday, so naturally.

07:40.920 --> 07:43.960
I think your mother is darling, Portland.

07:43.960 --> 07:48.840
Mama asked me to ask you a question, Miss Bankhead, if you won't get mad.

07:48.840 --> 07:49.840
Mad?

07:49.840 --> 07:51.840
Why should I get mad, darling?

07:51.840 --> 07:53.840
Of course I won't get mad.

07:53.840 --> 07:55.600
Haven't you heard, Portland dear?

07:55.600 --> 08:00.840
It's the new Tallulah, no tantrums, no temper, especially not for such a devoted listener

08:00.840 --> 08:01.840
as your mother.

08:01.840 --> 08:02.840
Mad indeed.

08:02.840 --> 08:08.840
Now, darling, what is your mother's question, darling?

08:08.840 --> 08:10.840
How old are you?

08:10.840 --> 08:17.840
None of your mother's neurotic business.

08:17.840 --> 08:28.720
Say, Portland, if you will climb down from that chandelier, I'd like to tell you that

08:28.720 --> 08:32.240
you may inform your mother that I am going back on radio myself.

08:32.240 --> 08:33.240
I'm going to be a sponsor.

08:33.240 --> 08:34.240
Really, Mr. Allen?

08:34.240 --> 08:36.640
What are you going to sell?

08:36.640 --> 08:39.400
I'm going to have a program that sells nothing.

08:39.400 --> 08:45.200
Oh, just like your old program.

08:45.200 --> 08:50.580
In rebuttal, Miss Hopper, I must say that you have the makings of another Tallulah only

08:50.580 --> 08:53.800
an octave higher.

08:53.800 --> 08:59.120
On this high note of hilarity, let us take leave of beautiful Portland, city of Hopper,

08:59.120 --> 09:05.560
and bend our way towards Meredith Wilson and her big show, Orchestra and Chorus.

09:05.560 --> 09:10.780
Here they are now in their first bright boxing arrangement of 1951, a brand new tune by that

09:10.780 --> 09:20.640
grand old master, Ziegmund Romburg.

09:20.640 --> 09:29.640
Sing, sing, zoom, zoom, my little heart goes boom when I hear this melody playing.

09:29.640 --> 09:36.640
Sing, sing, zoom, zoom, a little simp will tune, who cares what the words may be saying.

09:36.640 --> 09:43.640
Sing, sing, zoom, zoom, you hear it once and soon you'll find that your humming is playing.

09:43.640 --> 09:50.640
It's more than a waltz, more after it holds, it lingers with you night and day.

09:50.640 --> 09:58.640
With this song in mind, your troubles you'll find, sing, sing and zoom, zoom away.

09:58.640 --> 10:03.640
Zingy, zing, zing, zoom, zoom, zingy, zing, zing, zoom, we'll sing, we'll zoom,

10:03.640 --> 10:09.640
we'll fill the room with the zing, zingy-ness, zoom, zoomy-ness, inhuman-ness sound.

10:09.640 --> 10:16.640
Zing, zing, zoom, zoom, my little heart goes boom when I hear this melody playing.

10:16.640 --> 10:23.640
Zing, zing, zoom, zoom, a simple tune, boom, boom, boom, who cares what the words may be saying.

10:23.640 --> 10:31.640
Zing, zing, zoom, zoom, you hear it once, boom, boom, boom, you'll find that your humming is swaying.

10:31.640 --> 10:38.640
And ladies, you can't get close anywhere to your matrimonial door.

10:38.640 --> 10:46.640
With this song in mind, your troubles you'll find, sing, sing and zoom, zoom, he's yours.

10:46.640 --> 11:08.640
Zing, zing, zoom, zoom, zing, zoom, zoom, zing, zoom, zing, zoom, zing, zoom, zoom, zing, zoom, you hear it once and soon, you'll find that your humming is swaying.

11:08.640 --> 11:22.640
And darling, Toulou especially you have got to keep up with the tide whenever it's time for ringing your chime, zing, zing and zoom, zoom.

11:22.640 --> 11:26.640
Sing, sing, sing.

11:30.640 --> 11:32.640
Zoon Zoon!

11:40.640 --> 11:42.640
Meredith, that was divine.

11:42.640 --> 11:44.640
Meredith Wilson, darling.

11:44.640 --> 11:52.640
Oh yes, Miss Bankhead.

11:52.640 --> 11:54.640
I'll be over there in just a minute.

11:54.640 --> 11:55.640
Oh, Fred.

11:55.640 --> 11:56.640
Yes, Tallulah?

11:56.640 --> 11:57.640
Have you met Meredith Wilson?

11:57.640 --> 11:58.640
No, I have never had the pleasure.

11:58.640 --> 12:00.640
How lucky can you be?

12:00.640 --> 12:02.640
Well, I'll tell you as soon as I meet him.

12:02.640 --> 12:04.640
Now believe me, Fred, your luck is running out.

12:04.640 --> 12:05.640
Yeah?

12:05.640 --> 12:06.640
Here he comes now, you're trapped.

12:06.640 --> 12:08.640
Trapped? You mean...

12:08.640 --> 12:11.640
Fred, now listen, I'm very fond of Meredith. I think he's divine, I adore him.

12:11.640 --> 12:12.640
Huh?

12:12.640 --> 12:23.640
He's a lovely chap, but you mustn't encourage him or he'll bore you to tears with some revolting story about that remote little hamlet he comes from, Mason City, Iowa.

12:23.640 --> 12:26.640
Shh, shh, shh. Cheeser, Tallulah, here he is.

12:26.640 --> 12:28.640
Mr. Allen, I've been wanting to meet you.

12:28.640 --> 12:29.640
Really?

12:29.640 --> 12:38.640
You'll find me a lovely chap if you don't encourage me to bore you to tears with some revolting story about that remote little hamlet I come from, Mason City, Iowa.

12:38.640 --> 12:41.640
Why, I am very interested, Mr. Meredith.

12:41.640 --> 12:45.640
You'll be sorry, darling. Press on, Meredith.

12:45.640 --> 12:52.640
Well, sir, gentlemen, back there in Mason City, Iowa...

12:52.640 --> 12:56.640
I want to say back there in Mason City, Iowa, that's my hometown, you know.

12:56.640 --> 12:58.640
I know that.

12:58.640 --> 13:00.640
Well, it is, you know.

13:00.640 --> 13:04.640
Well, sir, the big social event of the season used to be the Strawberry Festival.

13:04.640 --> 13:05.640
Uh-huh.

13:05.640 --> 13:08.640
I tell you, this one year it was wilder than a corn huskin being...

13:08.640 --> 13:09.640
Really?

13:09.640 --> 13:15.640
Jiminy Crickets... Oh, excuse me, Miss Bankett, I forgot there was a lady present.

13:15.640 --> 13:18.640
Fred, have you ever heard of more than any little tale?

13:18.640 --> 13:26.640
Well, this is the first time I've ever seen a fellow fall asleep in the middle of his own story.

13:26.640 --> 13:30.640
He's lucky.

13:30.640 --> 13:36.640
Well, sir, this one year that I'm talking about, we just couldn't wait for the strawberries to arrive.

13:36.640 --> 13:37.640
No.

13:37.640 --> 13:40.640
I didn't tell you this, but we don't grow strawberries in Mason City.

13:40.640 --> 13:41.640
No?

13:40.640 --> 13:41.640
No.

13:41.640 --> 13:44.640
Every year we have them shipped in for our Strawberry Festival.

13:44.640 --> 13:48.640
One at a time?

13:48.640 --> 13:52.640
Well, of course, without strawberries it wouldn't be a Strawberry Festival.

13:52.640 --> 13:55.640
No.

13:55.640 --> 13:58.640
Well, anyhow, they were coming all the way from Minneapolis, you know.

13:58.640 --> 14:02.640
Hell, yes. I know his brother St. Paul.

14:02.640 --> 14:07.640
Well, sir, when those strawberries came in, we had a festival that I'll never forget as long as I live.

14:07.640 --> 14:08.640
Yeah.

14:08.640 --> 14:10.640
And Mason City will never forget it either.

14:10.640 --> 14:12.640
Not as long as you live, they won't.

14:12.640 --> 14:16.640
Well, thank you. Boy, it was some party.

14:16.640 --> 14:20.640
Every boy and girl in town was there, and they'll never forget that evening.

14:20.640 --> 14:25.640
On account of that Strawberry Festival, some of them later got married, some got engaged.

14:25.640 --> 14:28.640
Something happened to everybody who was there.

14:28.640 --> 14:29.640
What happened to you?

14:29.640 --> 14:34.640
I ate too many strawberries and broke out in a rash.

14:34.640 --> 14:38.640
And from then on, whenever I hear the word strawberry, I just want to run.

14:38.640 --> 14:39.640
Strawberry, strawberry, strawberry!

14:39.640 --> 14:44.640
May I take a box of those strawberries, lady?

14:44.640 --> 14:48.640
Well, Fred, was that or was that not the dullest story you've ever heard in your life?

14:48.640 --> 14:55.640
Well, sir, Tallulah,

14:55.640 --> 15:01.640
it's a funny thing, you know, when I was a kid back there in Boston, a suburb of Mason City,

15:01.640 --> 15:06.640
we used to have these bean festivals, and I remember...

15:06.640 --> 15:08.640
Beans, beans, beans!

15:08.640 --> 15:11.640
Oh, isn't this awful?

15:11.640 --> 15:16.640
Marriage and a strawberry festival, Fred and this half-baked story about beans.

15:16.640 --> 15:21.640
Now, I remember when I was a little girl, down there in Alabama,

15:21.640 --> 15:23.640
we used to have cotton candy.

15:23.640 --> 15:27.640
I'll never forget the year Jefferson Davis and I led the grand march.

15:27.640 --> 15:29.640
It was one of my friends!

15:29.640 --> 15:43.640
We have come now, darlings, to an exciting moment in our big show tonight.

15:43.640 --> 15:47.640
We ask you to join us in bidding welcome to an outstanding personality,

15:47.640 --> 15:56.640
a distinguished artist, Mr. Edward G. Robinson.

15:56.640 --> 16:03.640
We hear now a famous story by the well-known writer and celebrated master of suspense, Mr. Cornell Woolrich.

16:03.640 --> 16:10.640
The big show stars Mr. Edward G. Robinson in the role of Harold Harvicker in Woolrich's after-dunners play.

16:10.640 --> 16:27.640
The scene, the sumptuous dining hall in the apartment of Harold Harvicker, Park Avenue,

16:27.640 --> 16:33.640
a soft summer night in August, a lavish dinner for five has come to the grand date in the sky.

16:33.640 --> 16:35.640
Yes, it's a very nice dinner.

16:35.640 --> 16:41.640
So, Evans, kindly pass that silver bowl. Let each of the gentlemen see what it contains.

16:41.640 --> 16:43.640
Mr. McKenzie first.

16:43.640 --> 16:45.640
Not another dessert, Mr. Harvick.

16:45.640 --> 16:47.640
No, not quite. Mr. Kenshaw?

16:47.640 --> 16:49.640
Mayonnaise.

16:49.640 --> 16:51.640
Close. Mr. Pendergast?

16:51.640 --> 16:53.640
What is this, a gag?

16:53.640 --> 16:56.640
No, I'm afraid not. Mr. Lambert, please?

16:56.640 --> 17:01.640
I'm too full to care, sir. All I can say is it looks hot, sticky, and it smells funny. Eggnog, huh?

17:01.640 --> 17:03.640
That's very good.

17:03.640 --> 17:08.640
Oh, Evans, place the bowl in the exact center of the table. Now, that's it. Thank you.

17:08.640 --> 17:11.640
Oh, and you may remove the glasses and coffee.

17:11.640 --> 17:14.640
Okay, mister, we give up. What's in that thing?

17:14.640 --> 17:24.640
Oh, quite a number of things, Mr. Pendergast. Whites of eggs, mustard, certain other ingredients, all well-groomed together.

17:24.640 --> 17:25.640
Sounds like an antidote.

17:25.640 --> 17:27.640
That's not a funny joke, McKenzie.

17:27.640 --> 17:30.640
No, it's not a joke. It is an antidote.

17:30.640 --> 17:39.640
Oh, Evans, you have the gun I gave you. All right, stand there. Please, on the other side of those doors, and see to it that no one comes out of here.

17:39.640 --> 17:42.640
If they try, you know what to do.

17:42.640 --> 17:48.640
I thought there was something screwy with this idea coming to your house for supper.

17:48.640 --> 17:54.640
Why should you invite four characters you don't even know, and then throw us a feat like this? I'm getting out of here.

17:54.640 --> 17:58.640
I assure you, Pendergast, Evans will not hesitate to shoot. He has orders.

17:58.640 --> 18:04.640
You see, gentlemen, there's a murderer in our midst.

18:04.640 --> 18:06.640
What? What are you talking about?

18:06.640 --> 18:11.640
Gentlemen, I know you all quite well. McKenzie, you're still a salesman of water coolers.

18:11.640 --> 18:14.640
Lambert, you're a salesman of novelties. I'm sure you're still a clerk.

18:14.640 --> 18:20.640
Pendergast, well, the police have an interesting dossier on you.

18:20.640 --> 18:21.640
What of it?

18:21.640 --> 18:30.640
Only this. One of you is a murderer. One of you killed my son. You killed him a year ago today.

18:30.640 --> 18:32.640
The murderer has not yet paid the price.

18:32.640 --> 18:35.640
You're setting yourself above the proper constituted authorities?

18:35.640 --> 18:40.640
The findings of the medical examiner were suicide, while of unsound mind. Why do you hold them in public?

18:40.640 --> 18:44.640
This isn't a discussion. This is an execution.

18:44.640 --> 18:55.640
A year ago, an elevator making its descent picked up at different floors in an office building five passengers, five men, presumably, on their way home from work.

18:55.640 --> 18:58.640
Including the operator, there were six people making the descent.

18:58.640 --> 19:02.640
That elevator went out of control and crashed into the basement, killing the operator.

19:02.640 --> 19:06.640
Five of you were still alive after the crash.

19:06.640 --> 19:12.640
While the rescue crew worked with acetylene torches to cut through the steel top of the car,

19:12.640 --> 19:17.640
one of you shot and killed my son lying there in the dark.

19:17.640 --> 19:21.640
The inquest found that he was killed with his own gun, died by his own hand.

19:21.640 --> 19:25.640
The few know differently. I know differently.

19:25.640 --> 19:28.640
Oh, but surely, Mr. Hardick, the inquest was thorough.

19:28.640 --> 19:35.640
I recall that there was testimony offered to prove that your son had been of a highly nervous type, that he was overwrought,

19:35.640 --> 19:41.640
that the noise of the torches, magnified as it was within the car, was the factor that pushed your son beyond endurance.

19:41.640 --> 19:45.640
Yeah, yeah, it was rough in that elevator. I thought we were going to get burned down.

19:45.640 --> 19:48.640
My ears have never been the same. I can still hear that roaring.

19:48.640 --> 19:52.640
The net is, Mr. Hardick, that if you were right, the police would have long since proved it.

19:52.640 --> 19:56.640
After all, they are interested in justice. It's their business.

19:56.640 --> 19:59.640
But it's been a year now, and the case is still marked closed.

19:59.640 --> 20:02.640
No, no, Mr. McKenzie, it is not closed.

20:02.640 --> 20:06.640
You see, I know who the man is.

20:06.640 --> 20:10.640
It took me a year to find out, but now I know beyond the shadow of a doubt.

20:10.640 --> 20:13.640
The police wouldn't listen to me. They insisted it was suicide.

20:13.640 --> 20:20.640
But I demand justice for the taking of my son's life.

20:20.640 --> 20:26.640
It is now nine o'clock. In a matter of minutes, one of you will be dead.

20:26.640 --> 20:31.640
You probably noticed at dinner that each of you was served separately.

20:31.640 --> 20:34.640
One dish and one alone was deadly.

20:34.640 --> 20:39.640
It's putting in its slow, sure work right now as we sit here.

20:39.640 --> 20:45.640
Look at that silver bowl, gentlemen. It contains the antidote.

20:45.640 --> 20:49.640
I have no wish to set myself up as an executioner above the law.

20:49.640 --> 20:52.640
Let the murderer be the chooser.

20:52.640 --> 20:57.640
Let him reach out and save himself and stand convicted before all of you.

20:57.640 --> 21:00.640
Or let him keep silent and go down to his death without confessing,

21:00.640 --> 21:05.640
privately executed for what can't be publicly proved.

21:05.640 --> 21:11.640
In say ten, twelve minutes, collapse will come without warning.

21:11.640 --> 21:14.640
But are you sure you did this to the right one?

21:14.640 --> 21:17.640
No, I haven't made any mistake. The waiter was carefully rehearsed.

21:17.640 --> 21:21.640
You're all perfectly unharmed but the killer.

21:21.640 --> 21:24.640
Now he tells us a fine way to digest a meal.

21:24.640 --> 21:27.640
Why didn't you serve the murderer first so then the rest of us could eat in peace at least?

21:27.640 --> 21:30.640
Shut up, Lambert. You can't be sane and do a thing like this.

21:30.640 --> 21:32.640
Did you ever have a son, Mr. McKenzie?

21:32.640 --> 21:35.640
I understand it. Let me out of here. I didn't do it.

21:35.640 --> 21:39.640
I don't feel so good. Then why don't you take the medicine our dear host has provided.

21:39.640 --> 21:41.640
Why not, Lambert?

21:41.640 --> 21:44.640
Just reaching for a cigar, Mack.

21:44.640 --> 21:47.640
Got a light, Pendergast?

21:47.640 --> 21:49.640
Thanks.

21:49.640 --> 21:51.640
Something's shaking. Either my head or your hand.

21:51.640 --> 21:53.640
You trying to kill us?

21:53.640 --> 21:55.640
What's the idea of reaching like that if you ain't going to take the stuff?

21:55.640 --> 21:57.640
Can't you see this ain't no time to kid?

21:57.640 --> 22:00.640
This guy Hardecker is nuts. He's not eating a fruitcake.

22:00.640 --> 22:02.640
Quit it, Pendergast. Act like a man.

22:02.640 --> 22:06.640
Hardecker, you're alienating whatever sympathies do you by pulling a stunt like this.

22:06.640 --> 22:10.640
I'm not asking for sympathy. It's atonement I want.

22:10.640 --> 22:13.640
Three lives were taken from me.

22:13.640 --> 22:20.640
My only son, my daughter-in-law, and their prematurely born child.

22:20.640 --> 22:22.640
I demand payment, Gaff.

22:22.640 --> 22:26.640
I can't breathe. He fed it to me. So help me.

22:26.640 --> 22:28.640
Gas around the heart may be Pendergast.

22:28.640 --> 22:30.640
Don't fall for it if you're not sure.

22:30.640 --> 22:32.640
Don't fall for it if I drop dead. Are you going to bring me back?

22:32.640 --> 22:34.640
He ought to be arrested for this.

22:34.640 --> 22:36.640
Arrested? He's going to get sued like nobody was ever sued before.

22:36.640 --> 22:37.640
When I get through it...

22:37.640 --> 22:41.640
I'd say about four minutes left.

22:41.640 --> 22:44.640
Well, the murderer seems to prefer death to compassion.

22:44.640 --> 22:48.640
Oh! What's the matter, Mackenzie? It hit you? My heart.

22:48.640 --> 22:50.640
Hey!

22:50.640 --> 22:53.640
Oh dear God in heaven, I didn't do nothing to deserve this.

22:53.640 --> 22:56.640
I'm dying. I know. I'm dying.

22:56.640 --> 23:01.640
The antidote is not downed in 30 seconds. It will most certainly fail.

23:01.640 --> 23:06.640
30 seconds.

23:06.640 --> 23:16.640
No! No, no! Give me that bottle!

23:16.640 --> 23:21.640
There. I've drunk it. I've drunk it all.

23:21.640 --> 23:24.640
Will it... will it save me?

23:24.640 --> 23:28.640
No. Don't stare at me. Tell me.

23:28.640 --> 23:32.640
Will it save me? Did I drink it in time?

23:32.640 --> 23:34.640
So it's you, Cantrell.

23:34.640 --> 23:38.640
Yes. Yes, I killed him.

23:38.640 --> 23:43.640
I'd kill him again. Over and over and over a thousand times.

23:43.640 --> 23:47.640
He used your name, cashed in on your wealth and position to work himself in my company.

23:47.640 --> 23:50.640
Got my job. Got me fired.

23:50.640 --> 23:53.640
Yes. I killed your son.

23:53.640 --> 23:55.640
I killed him.

23:55.640 --> 23:58.640
So what? So what, Hardecker?

23:58.640 --> 24:03.640
No matter what they've all heard me say just now, you'll never be able to prove I did it.

24:03.640 --> 24:08.640
Nobody saw me. Only the dark.

24:08.640 --> 24:12.640
That's where you're going. Into the dark.

24:12.640 --> 24:24.640
You can't prove it. Nobody saw me. Only the... only the dark.

24:24.640 --> 24:26.640
He felt like a ton of bricks. What's the matter with him?

24:26.640 --> 24:31.640
He's dead. Well, Hardecker, I guess your antidote didn't work in time.

24:31.640 --> 24:36.640
No, that wasn't the antidote. That was the poison itself.

24:36.640 --> 24:40.640
He hadn't been given any poison until he got that now.

24:40.640 --> 24:45.640
He convicted himself and carried out sentence on himself with one and the same gesture.

24:45.640 --> 24:49.640
I hadn't known which one of you it was until then.

24:49.640 --> 24:55.640
I'd only known it hadn't been my son's own doing because you see the noise of those torches burning above your heads

24:55.640 --> 25:00.640
while the crew worked to free you from the elevator wouldn't have affected you much.

25:00.640 --> 25:04.640
It was partly death and birth.

25:04.640 --> 25:11.640
Now, I'm ready to take my own medicine. Call the police.

25:11.640 --> 25:20.640
Let them and their prosecutors and their courts of law decide whether I killed him or his own guilty conscience did.

25:20.640 --> 25:38.640
Bravo, bravo to Edward G. Robinson and the supporting cast for a splendid performance.

25:38.640 --> 25:41.640
Come over here, Eddie, darling. We have so much to talk about.

25:41.640 --> 25:46.640
Oh, shut up.

25:46.640 --> 25:51.640
Fred, isn't that darling? Sweet little Eddie Robinson trying to act like a gangster.

25:51.640 --> 25:52.640
And you shut up too.

25:52.640 --> 25:54.640
Wait a minute, I didn't say anything yet.

25:54.640 --> 25:57.640
Well, just in case you're thinking of saying anything, just shut up.

25:57.640 --> 25:59.640
Now, Ed, you're kidding, aren't you?

25:59.640 --> 26:02.640
What do you think this buzz on my hip is?

26:02.640 --> 26:04.640
Middle-aged Fred.

26:04.640 --> 26:06.640
You're 45, see?

26:06.640 --> 26:10.640
Have you ever considered cutting down on potatoes?

26:10.640 --> 26:12.640
Now listen, you victimator.

26:12.640 --> 26:17.640
You get in my way and I'll push a grapefruit in your mush and throw a pineapple into your apartment, see?

26:17.640 --> 26:21.640
Say, I'll take a pound of that fruit salad, sir.

26:21.640 --> 26:26.640
Now look here, I'm warning you, see? One more crack out of you and you'll need protection insurance.

26:26.640 --> 26:28.640
Say, I'll take some of that too.

26:28.640 --> 26:31.640
It'll go well with my unemployment insurance.

26:31.640 --> 26:34.640
I'm on Pauley, I'm on Pauley going there.

26:34.640 --> 26:37.640
Wait a minute, Fred. Now look here, Ed, I don't understand this.

26:37.640 --> 26:43.640
Now I've always known you to be a mild, sweet, tempered, intellectual man who spends most of his time collecting valuable paintings.

26:43.640 --> 26:45.640
Yeah, that's a blind.

26:45.640 --> 26:50.640
On the backs of them, they're paintings or blueprints of some of the biggest banks in the country, see?

26:50.640 --> 26:57.640
But Mr. Robinson, I understood that you had a collection of authentic paintings by Rembrandt, Renoir, and Degas.

26:57.640 --> 27:01.640
Oh, sure, sure. I had those guys paint over the blueprints.

27:01.640 --> 27:03.640
But Rembrandt, Renoir, and Degas, they're all dead.

27:03.640 --> 27:07.640
Well, that's the idea. Dead men don't talk, see?

27:07.640 --> 27:09.640
Now, Eddie, stop, Eddie.

27:09.640 --> 27:15.640
Now don't butt me, see? Now don't get in my way. See, I'm hot as nails, see? You're gonna get hurt, see?

27:15.640 --> 27:18.640
Please, I'm getting seasick.

27:18.640 --> 27:24.640
Come here, come here, short, broad and... broad.

27:24.640 --> 27:30.640
I'll teach you not to fool around with me, see? I'm gonna give you a little lesson as to how to behave, see?

27:30.640 --> 27:33.640
Don't butt me.

27:33.640 --> 27:35.640
This is gonna suck.

27:35.640 --> 27:39.640
This is the movie Ebbingey Robinson. The movie Ebbingey Robinson, not the real Ebbingey Robinson.

27:39.640 --> 27:41.640
What's the matter with you?

27:41.640 --> 27:43.640
Well, everybody's picking on me.

27:43.640 --> 27:51.640
All my life, I never had a chance. I used to be on Broadway, and I was a nice, quiet guy who minded his business, never gotten any trouble.

27:51.640 --> 27:54.640
And then I went to Hollywood and I did a gangster picture.

27:54.640 --> 27:59.640
And then all my troubles began. People avoided me. Children cried when I came into a room.

27:59.640 --> 28:05.640
Hey, wait a minute. If I had known this was for the Academy Award, I'd have worn my tux and my suspenders.

28:05.640 --> 28:09.640
Now, when I walked down the street, horses were bold.

28:09.640 --> 28:12.640
It must be for the Rocketing Academy Award.

28:12.640 --> 28:16.640
Oh, I just hated myself.

28:16.640 --> 28:20.640
I hired a publicity man.

28:20.640 --> 28:26.640
Really, now please don't laugh at me. I hired a publicity man to tell people that I was really a gentle man, but it worked too well.

28:26.640 --> 28:31.640
And suddenly people began to push me around. The minute they knew I wasn't really tough, they took advantage of me.

28:31.640 --> 28:37.640
So I gave that up and I tried to go back to being tough. And I was doing so well, too, until you hit me.

28:37.640 --> 28:42.640
The humiliation of it, to be hit by a woman in public.

28:42.640 --> 28:48.640
Tallulah, why did you do it? Now why, why did you do it?

28:48.640 --> 28:56.640
I'll take a pound of that ham.

28:56.640 --> 29:19.640
We'll be back in a moment, darling. Just as soon as I ring my time, visit NBC, the national broadcasting company.

29:27.640 --> 29:30.640
The Bink Show.

29:30.640 --> 29:36.640
This is the national broadcasting company Sunday Extravaganza with the most scintillating personalities in show business.

29:36.640 --> 29:43.640
The Bink Show, the Sunday night feature of NBC's All-Star Festival, is brought to you by the makers of Anderson.

29:43.640 --> 29:46.640
For fast relief from the pain of headache, Uranus and neuralgia.

29:46.640 --> 29:53.640
And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.

29:53.640 --> 30:01.640
The Bink stars on this program are Fred Allen, Bill Baker, Marlena Dietrich, Fortman Hoffa, Edward G. Robinson, Danny Thomas, Fran Warren,

30:01.640 --> 30:04.640
Meredith Wilson and the Big Show Orchestra and Chorus.

30:04.640 --> 30:21.640
And every week, your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, Tallulah Bankhead.

30:21.640 --> 30:26.640
Well, darling, here we are with the Big Show and a dipper full of stars.

30:26.640 --> 30:28.640
The Big Dipper, of course.

30:28.640 --> 30:33.640
I'm particularly thrilled over the impending appearance this evening of Marlena Dietrich.

30:33.640 --> 30:35.640
Marlena Dietrich.

30:35.640 --> 30:42.640
A magic name, which is synonymous throughout the world with beauty, charm, talent, glamour.

30:42.640 --> 30:48.640
Of course, darling, you realize they hand me this stuff. I have to read it.

30:48.640 --> 30:55.640
I don't know why they think she's so attractive, just because she has beautiful hair, a lovely face, a perfect figure, gorgeous legs.

30:55.640 --> 30:57.640
I'll take 110 pounds of that.

30:57.640 --> 31:04.640
Bill Baker.

31:04.640 --> 31:09.640
Hello, Tallulah. It's really a pleasure to be... Which camera do I face?

31:09.640 --> 31:14.640
Camera? Well, there are no cameras here, darling. This is not a television show. It's a radio show.

31:14.640 --> 31:18.640
A radio show? So why did I wear my toupee?

31:18.640 --> 31:20.640
Well, at least it looks nice.

31:20.640 --> 31:23.640
See, I even fooled you, Tallulah. I don't really wear a toupee.

31:23.640 --> 31:30.640
I know, darling. I was just joking. But I always thought they were worn in the center of the head.

31:30.640 --> 31:36.640
Look, honey, I'll wear mine the way I like, and you wear yours the way you like.

31:36.640 --> 31:40.640
Now, darling, what were we talking about before we started blowing our tops?

31:40.640 --> 31:45.640
Well, I don't know why, but I had an idea. This was a television show. I'm sure I've seen you on television.

31:45.640 --> 31:48.640
Aren't you the one who wears those low-cut gowns?

31:48.640 --> 31:51.640
That's Emerson, darling. This is RCA.

31:51.640 --> 31:55.640
Oh, I see.

31:55.640 --> 32:01.640
But I'm sure I've seen you on television, Tallulah. I can't remember where, but... Oh, well, never mind.

32:01.640 --> 32:04.640
But surely you must be thinking of going on television, Tallulah.

32:04.640 --> 32:07.640
Well, to be very honest, Bill, I've been wrestling with the idea.

32:07.640 --> 32:11.640
That's where I saw you wrestling.

32:11.640 --> 32:14.640
Oh, I couldn't be a wrestler, darling.

32:14.640 --> 32:17.640
Why not? You're a good enough actress.

32:17.640 --> 32:22.640
Listen, Tallulah, believe me, television is for you, especially now.

32:22.640 --> 32:26.640
The screens are getting larger and larger and larger.

32:26.640 --> 32:30.640
And your check is getting smaller and smaller and smaller.

32:30.640 --> 32:34.640
Look, Tallulah, it would be a cinch to convert this radio show into a TV show. I know just how to do it.

32:34.640 --> 32:38.640
Well, I'm willing to try. Goodness knows I've tried everything else.

32:38.640 --> 32:41.640
All right, I'll try TV, even if it kills me.

32:41.640 --> 32:44.640
Well, we all have to go sometime.

32:44.640 --> 32:45.640
What's the first step?

32:45.640 --> 32:48.640
Well, as you know, in television, they don't use any scripts at all.

32:48.640 --> 32:52.640
Why don't we just put our scripts aside for a while and see how it works?

32:52.640 --> 32:58.640
All right.

32:58.640 --> 33:01.640
Well, this is pretty dull. Nothing's happening.

33:01.640 --> 33:04.640
Well, that's television.

33:04.640 --> 33:06.640
Oh, but they must have something else.

33:06.640 --> 33:10.640
Well, personally, I don't watch television very much. It sort of depresses me.

33:10.640 --> 33:15.640
I used to look at those mystery shows. So many people get killed. It's all very sad.

33:15.640 --> 33:19.640
Well, television is great for baseball. The Johns are my team.

33:19.640 --> 33:22.640
I watched the Johns play all last summer.

33:22.640 --> 33:26.640
Yes, it's all very sad. It really is.

33:26.640 --> 33:28.640
Not this year, it won't be, brother.

33:28.640 --> 33:29.640
But there's...

33:29.640 --> 33:31.640
Huh? Come on, applaud, Jim.

33:31.640 --> 33:33.640
I'm going to applaud.

33:33.640 --> 33:37.640
I'm the only one glad to live on this show.

33:37.640 --> 33:38.640
Was that a bad live?

33:38.640 --> 33:39.640
I don't know, darling.

33:39.640 --> 33:41.640
Yippee, you're really putting over this.

33:41.640 --> 33:44.640
But there's one thing I do like on television.

33:44.640 --> 33:45.640
What then?

33:45.640 --> 33:50.640
They're getting some beautiful new actresses. They're so young and gorgeous.

33:50.640 --> 33:54.640
Yes, it's all very sad.

33:54.640 --> 33:58.640
Well, television isn't for me. I love the theater. It's vibrant. It's real.

33:58.640 --> 34:00.640
It's a true expression of great art.

34:00.640 --> 34:04.640
The theater doesn't limit you to the narrow space of a camera under hot lights,

34:04.640 --> 34:06.640
leaving you to wonder if you're going to remember your lines

34:06.640 --> 34:08.640
instead of reacting to your fellow players

34:08.640 --> 34:10.640
and giving your character that third dimension,

34:10.640 --> 34:13.640
so necessary to make it a living, breathing thing.

34:13.640 --> 34:15.640
See what I mean, Phil?

34:15.640 --> 34:19.640
Yeah, I don't photograph well either.

34:19.640 --> 34:22.640
I think I'll stick to radio, where I'm doing very well.

34:22.640 --> 34:25.640
Who said? Listen, what's so terrific about this show?

34:25.640 --> 34:29.640
The comedians, magnificent dramatic actors, sensational singers.

34:29.640 --> 34:34.640
What have you got in this program that you can't get in any Broadway show right now for $6.60?

34:34.640 --> 34:38.640
Me, darling.

34:38.640 --> 34:44.640
Well, I agree with you, Sylvia.

34:44.640 --> 34:48.640
But with all that, you're still missing one element that would really make this a big show.

34:48.640 --> 34:49.640
Oh, what's that, Phil?

34:49.640 --> 34:53.640
Me, darling.

34:53.640 --> 34:58.640
Well, it's been so long having you on this program, Phil.

34:58.640 --> 35:01.640
I don't get it.

35:01.640 --> 35:05.640
So, so long, darling. Happy unemployment insurance.

35:05.640 --> 35:07.640
Ah, Toulouse, I didn't mean to get fresh.

35:07.640 --> 35:09.640
It's just that I play the accordion, you know,

35:09.640 --> 35:11.640
and after listening to this show for so many weeks

35:11.640 --> 35:13.640
and now after meeting you in person,

35:13.640 --> 35:15.640
I feel that you should have an accordion to support you.

35:15.640 --> 35:20.640
Well, thank you, darling, but fortunately I can still get around by myself.

35:20.640 --> 35:22.640
Believe me, Toulouse, the accordion would complement your voice.

35:22.640 --> 35:25.640
Well, that would be a change around here.

35:25.640 --> 35:28.640
Why does everyone folk-punish my voice?

35:28.640 --> 35:29.640
I can't understand it.

35:29.640 --> 35:31.640
I can't understand it either.

35:31.640 --> 35:37.640
To me, you have a voice like any other normal American boy.

35:37.640 --> 35:40.640
Play, Phil. Oops, sorry, wrong program.

35:40.640 --> 35:46.640
Thank you, Toulouse. I'd like to play a tune I wrote especially for this program 20 years ago.

35:46.640 --> 35:48.640
A great interlude. Would you like to hear it?

35:48.640 --> 35:51.640
No, darling, but I'm sure that won't stop you.

35:51.640 --> 35:55.640
I wrote this taut song on one of the saddest days of my life.

35:55.640 --> 35:58.640
I was engaged to a lovely girl, but we had a quarrel.

35:58.640 --> 36:00.640
I wrote this on the day the ring was returned.

36:00.640 --> 36:22.640
She made me give it back.

37:00.640 --> 37:23.640
She made me give it back.

37:53.640 --> 38:22.480
The next time you suffer from pains of headache, neuritis or neuralgia, take Anasin.

38:22.480 --> 38:27.320
You'll bless the day you heard of this incredibly fast way to relieve these pains.

38:27.320 --> 38:32.920
Now the reason Anasin is so wonderfully fast acting and effective is this.

38:32.920 --> 38:36.000
Anasin is like a doctor's prescription.

38:36.000 --> 38:41.800
That is, Anasin contains not just one but a combination of medically proven active ingredients

38:41.800 --> 38:44.320
in easy to take tablet form.

38:44.320 --> 38:48.560
Thousands of people have received envelopes containing Anasin tablets from their own dentist

38:48.560 --> 38:54.200
or physician and in this way discovered the incredibly fast relief Anasin brings from

38:54.200 --> 38:57.520
pains of headache, neuritis or neuralgia.

38:57.520 --> 39:04.360
So the next time a headache strikes, take Anasin for this wonderfully fast relief.

39:04.360 --> 39:07.400
Anasin, A-N-A-C-I-N.

39:07.400 --> 39:14.240
Anasin comes in handy boxes of 12 and 30, economical family size bottles of 50 and 100.

39:14.240 --> 39:28.160
Get Anasin at any drug counter.

39:28.160 --> 39:29.160
Very well said, Ed Hurley.

39:29.160 --> 39:30.160
Hi.

39:30.160 --> 39:31.160
Hurley Ho.

39:31.160 --> 39:34.720
I had so much trouble with that darling man's name.

39:34.720 --> 39:35.720
Now where were we?

39:35.720 --> 39:36.720
Oh, yes, I was about to...

39:36.720 --> 39:37.720
Hello, Tallulah.

39:37.720 --> 39:38.720
Ah, hello, Fran.

39:38.720 --> 39:39.720
Fran Mooring, darling.

39:39.720 --> 39:44.480
How are you today, Fran, sweetie?

39:44.480 --> 39:47.240
Oh, I'm very excited, Tallulah.

39:47.240 --> 39:48.240
Yeah?

39:48.240 --> 39:50.000
What with Marlene Dietrich on the show.

39:50.000 --> 39:53.000
She's so glamorous.

39:53.000 --> 39:55.000
I've heard that said about me, darling.

39:55.000 --> 39:58.000
She's such an international celebrity.

39:58.000 --> 40:00.000
I've heard that said about me, darling.

40:00.000 --> 40:01.000
Who?

40:01.000 --> 40:03.200
I remember she was my ideal when I was a child.

40:03.200 --> 40:04.200
And I've heard that said about...

40:04.200 --> 40:05.200
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, darling.

40:05.200 --> 40:06.200
You know, Tallulah, when I was a child, I was a little girl.

40:06.200 --> 40:07.200
I was a little girl.

40:07.200 --> 40:08.200
I was a little girl.

40:08.200 --> 40:09.200
I was a little girl.

40:09.200 --> 40:13.680
And, Tallulah, with Marlene on the show, I knew we girls would have a lot of competition.

40:13.680 --> 40:16.200
So I thought I'd dress very carefully today.

40:16.200 --> 40:17.920
I really extended myself.

40:17.920 --> 40:20.400
Darling, your extension is showing.

40:20.400 --> 40:24.080
Besides, I wouldn't let Marlene Dietrich upset you.

40:24.080 --> 40:27.000
She's just another glamorous, beautiful woman.

40:27.000 --> 40:30.280
No, she doesn't bother me as long as you're here, Tallulah.

40:30.280 --> 40:34.120
It's so reassuring to see your old face.

40:34.120 --> 40:41.360
Now, just a moment, Fran Warren.

40:41.360 --> 40:43.560
You're making it very difficult for us to remain friends.

40:43.560 --> 40:46.200
Oh, I'm so sorry, Tallulah.

40:46.200 --> 40:47.800
I didn't mean that at all.

40:47.800 --> 40:50.080
I don't think you have an old face.

40:50.080 --> 40:53.080
I don't think your face is as old as the rest of you.

40:53.080 --> 40:56.080
No, no, I didn't mean that either.

40:56.080 --> 40:58.080
Oh, I agree.

40:58.080 --> 41:03.400
Fran, darling, you're probably wiser for both of us if the next time you opened your mouth,

41:03.400 --> 41:05.040
it was to say to you.

41:05.040 --> 41:06.520
What song do you have in mind?

41:06.520 --> 41:08.360
Don't Take My Love From Me.

41:08.360 --> 41:10.360
All right, darling, I won't if you'll stay.

41:10.360 --> 41:12.360
Meredith, if you please, sir.

41:12.360 --> 41:40.320
There's a star from out the sky and the sky is blue.

41:40.320 --> 41:47.320
And a rose weeps too.

41:47.320 --> 42:04.320
Take your heart away from mine and mine will soon fade.

42:04.320 --> 42:19.320
My life is yours to take, so please keep that spark away.

42:19.320 --> 42:31.320
Would you take the wings from birds so that they can't fly?

42:31.320 --> 42:44.320
Would you take the oceans roar and leave just a sigh?

42:44.320 --> 42:52.320
Oh, this my heart will let me do.

42:52.320 --> 42:58.320
This is why I beg of you.

42:58.320 --> 43:14.320
Don't take my love from me.

43:14.320 --> 43:25.320
Would you take the wings from birds so that they can't fly?

43:25.320 --> 43:39.320
Would you take the oceans roar and leave just a sigh?

43:39.320 --> 43:45.320
Oh, this my heart will let me do.

43:45.320 --> 43:51.320
This is why I beg of you.

43:51.320 --> 43:59.320
Don't take your love from me.

43:59.320 --> 44:23.320
Don't you ever take your love from me.

44:29.320 --> 44:38.320
Well, you're in great voice today, Fran, and...

44:38.320 --> 44:40.320
Hello, Tallulah, darling.

44:40.320 --> 44:44.320
Is this a drag girl I see before me?

44:44.320 --> 44:53.320
Darling, this Marlene Dietrich.

44:53.320 --> 44:56.320
Oh, Marlene, Marlene, it's simply wonderful to see you again.

44:56.320 --> 44:58.320
Thank you, Tallulah.

44:58.320 --> 44:59.320
How long has it been?

44:59.320 --> 45:02.320
I was thinking only this morning that I haven't seen you in 20...

45:02.320 --> 45:05.320
Oh, careful, Marlene, darling, people are listening.

45:05.320 --> 45:06.320
Weeks?

45:06.320 --> 45:08.320
Oh, darling, weeks.

45:08.320 --> 45:10.320
No, no.

45:10.320 --> 45:14.320
Oh, Tallulah, after all these years, guess whom I met the other day?

45:14.320 --> 45:15.320
Claude.

45:15.320 --> 45:16.320
I ran into him on the street.

45:16.320 --> 45:17.320
A heart, I trust.

45:17.320 --> 45:20.320
Why, Tallulah, precious, he was so crazy about you.

45:20.320 --> 45:22.320
Oh, no, Pat, it was you he was crazy about.

45:22.320 --> 45:24.320
Of course not, darling.

45:24.320 --> 45:26.320
Everybody knows he was crazy about you.

45:26.320 --> 45:30.320
Well, now that I come to think of it, he was crazy about me.

45:30.320 --> 45:34.320
Yes, he was crazy.

45:34.320 --> 45:36.320
Yeah, isn't he sweet?

45:36.320 --> 45:43.320
Dear old Claude, does he know that you're a grandmother now?

45:43.320 --> 45:48.320
Oh, excuse me, darling, he knew you were a grandmother then, of course.

45:48.320 --> 45:51.320
Ha ha ha, isn't he crazy?

45:51.320 --> 45:53.320
Tell me, Tallulah, what's new?

45:53.320 --> 45:58.320
I hear so little about you since you've hidden yourself away in radio.

45:58.320 --> 46:06.320
Oh, come now, my Lennie, sweet, if you could read, you'd know that I just got a big spread in Collier's magazine this week.

46:06.320 --> 46:10.320
Well, you need a big magazine, Tallulah.

46:10.320 --> 46:13.320
Fortunately, I can still make the slimmer magazine.

46:13.320 --> 46:18.320
As a matter of fact, Tallulah, I was just interviewed this morning by the Women's Home Companion.

46:18.320 --> 46:22.320
Oh, are they changing the name to Old Women's Home Companion?

46:22.320 --> 46:24.320
Now let's face it, darling, look at you.

46:24.320 --> 46:28.320
Fault eyelashes, mascara, powder, rouge, lipstick.

46:28.320 --> 46:31.320
Yes, darling, but the rest of it is all me.

46:31.320 --> 46:37.320
Ha ha ha.

46:37.320 --> 46:40.320
Now, look, what are we talking about?

46:40.320 --> 46:42.320
Let's stop pretending and tell the truth.

46:42.320 --> 46:45.320
There's no use denying it. I'm not quite as young as I used to be.

46:45.320 --> 46:48.320
Everybody knows that I'm a mother, and now I'm a grandmother.

46:48.320 --> 46:52.320
The silly idea women have that they must lie about their age is ridiculous.

46:52.320 --> 46:55.320
I don't care if everybody knows how old I am.

46:55.320 --> 46:57.320
You really mean that, my Lennie.

46:57.320 --> 46:58.320
Of course, Tallulah.

46:58.320 --> 47:00.320
Well then, darling, how old are you?

47:00.320 --> 47:05.320
Thirty-two.

47:05.320 --> 47:07.320
Thirty-two?

47:07.320 --> 47:16.320
Now, just a minute, my Lennie, do you mean that you're only one year older than I am?

47:16.320 --> 47:18.320
Now, look here, my Lennie.

47:18.320 --> 47:24.320
My Lennie, my sweet, I happen to know that you have a daughter who's been married for a few years and has two children.

47:24.320 --> 47:26.320
Isn't it amazing?

47:26.320 --> 47:34.320
One day on her birthday, I turned around and there was my daughter, three years older than I am.

47:34.320 --> 47:37.320
Now, darling, why don't we stop this stupid quarreling?

47:37.320 --> 47:39.320
All right. Would you like me to do a number?

47:39.320 --> 47:45.320
Ah, please do, my Lennie. You've performed such a miracle with numbers.

47:45.320 --> 47:47.320
May I sing Falling in Love Again?

47:47.320 --> 47:50.320
By all means, my Lennie, sing Falling in Love Again.

47:50.320 --> 47:59.320
Why don't you sing it for us again, just the way you sang it 35 years ago?

47:59.320 --> 48:04.320
Before you were born, darling.

48:04.320 --> 48:26.320
Falling in love again, never wanted to.

48:26.320 --> 48:38.320
What am I to do? I can't help it.

48:38.320 --> 48:47.320
Love's always been my game, play it how I may.

48:47.320 --> 48:57.320
I was made that way, I can't help it.

48:57.320 --> 49:05.320
Men cluster to me like moths above the plains.

49:05.320 --> 49:12.320
And if their wings burn, I know I'm not to blame.

49:12.320 --> 49:22.320
Falling in love again, never wanted to.

49:22.320 --> 49:31.320
What am I to do? I can't help it.

49:31.320 --> 49:44.320
Men cluster to me like moths above the plains.

49:44.320 --> 49:53.320
And if their wings burn, I know I'm not to blame.

49:53.320 --> 50:02.320
Falling in love again, never wanted to.

50:02.320 --> 50:19.320
What am I to do? I can't help it.

50:19.320 --> 50:24.320
I can't help it.

50:24.320 --> 50:38.320
Applause

50:38.320 --> 50:41.320
Here's a word from RCA Victor.

50:41.320 --> 50:50.320
For five kinds of wonderful fun and all in one, there's nothing like a new RCA Victor million-proof combination console.

50:50.320 --> 50:53.320
The whole wide world of entertainment is yours.

50:53.320 --> 51:04.320
Clear, steady, million-proof television, powerful AM-FM radio, three speeds of phonograph, all in one beautiful cabinet at a truly modest price.

51:04.320 --> 51:10.320
It's not just one hit show, it's all of them, especially designed for your living room.

51:10.320 --> 51:18.320
You'll watch television pictures with million-proof quality, locked in place by RCA Victor's eyewitness picture synchronizer.

51:18.320 --> 51:25.320
And the RCA Victor new television picture pickup brings in the picture even in fringe areas.

51:25.320 --> 51:32.320
All the television radio phonograph sound comes through the famous Golden Troll tone system.

51:32.320 --> 51:41.320
That means rich concert hall listening, and it all costs many dollars less than you would pay if you bought the instruments one at a time.

51:41.320 --> 51:47.320
Here's entertainment you don't want to miss, and a chance to make a real saving, too.

51:47.320 --> 51:52.320
Why not see the variety of RCA Victor combination consoles for yourself?

51:52.320 --> 51:55.320
One look is all you need.

51:55.320 --> 51:59.320
Visit your RCA Victor dealer today.

51:59.320 --> 52:11.320
Thank you, Ed Hurley Hay.

52:11.320 --> 52:14.320
Hurley Hi, Ho Ho.

52:14.320 --> 52:17.320
Well, that takes care of the vowels.

52:17.320 --> 52:19.320
I'll try the consonants.

52:19.320 --> 52:22.320
Oh, Marlene, darling, I must tell you how divine your song was.

52:22.320 --> 52:23.320
Thank you, Tallulah.

52:23.320 --> 52:26.320
Such a wonderful way to lead into the commercial.

52:26.320 --> 52:31.320
I have you know, Tallulah, that men have killed themselves after hearing me sing.

52:31.320 --> 52:34.320
I'm sure of that, darling.

52:34.320 --> 52:37.320
I die a little myself.

52:37.320 --> 52:40.320
Well, we all have to go sometimes.

52:40.320 --> 52:43.320
Say, speaking of going, I think I'll be going.

52:43.320 --> 52:47.320
I've been wading through this script looking for a line or two for myself.

52:47.320 --> 52:48.320
Why, Fred Allen.

52:48.320 --> 52:53.320
Not even a joke line, mind you, just an ordinary old feed line would do.

52:53.320 --> 52:55.320
Any line at all, a bread line.

52:55.320 --> 52:57.320
Marlene's lines would do.

52:57.320 --> 53:00.320
Say, as a matter of fact, Marlene's lines are perfect.

53:00.320 --> 53:04.320
And besides, not that you girls need me to throw you a curve,

53:04.320 --> 53:10.320
but I've noticed that Phil Baker had an accordion solo, Marlene Dietrich had a bronchial solo.

53:10.320 --> 53:13.320
I would like to play a little clarinet solo.

53:13.320 --> 53:15.320
I just happened to have my clarinet with me.

53:15.320 --> 53:16.320
Why, of course, Fred.

53:16.320 --> 53:20.320
Did you think I would do a show and neglect having you play your clarinet?

53:20.320 --> 53:22.320
Well, frankly, yes, Tallulah.

53:22.320 --> 53:24.320
Of course you can play.

53:24.320 --> 53:28.320
Oh, goody, what a night for music lovers.

53:28.320 --> 53:29.320
May I begin?

53:29.320 --> 53:31.320
Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys.

53:31.320 --> 53:33.320
Edward G. Robinson, darling, what is it?

53:33.320 --> 53:35.320
I'm looking for some lines myself.

53:35.320 --> 53:38.320
See, if everybody's doing a solo, I want to do one too, see.

53:38.320 --> 53:40.320
But Eddie, darling, what instrument do you play?

53:40.320 --> 53:45.320
I don't play any instrument, but I carry a violin case, see.

53:45.320 --> 53:47.320
That might be odd, a machine gun solo.

53:47.320 --> 53:49.320
Well, when do we get to it?

53:49.320 --> 53:51.320
Wait, wait a minute, how about me, fellas?

53:51.320 --> 53:54.320
Ed Herlihy, you a soloist too?

53:54.320 --> 53:57.320
Well, we all have to go sometime.

53:57.320 --> 54:01.320
Me a solo first, darling, and then Fred and Ed, they'll follow, huh?

54:01.320 --> 54:02.320
Oh, thank you, Tallulah.

54:02.320 --> 54:06.320
All I wanted to say was that this portion of the program was brought to you by the makers of Anison

54:06.320 --> 54:10.320
for fast relief from pain of headache, urinitis, and neuralgia,

54:10.320 --> 54:15.320
and by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.

54:15.320 --> 54:17.320
You're soloing quite well, Ed Herlihy.

54:17.320 --> 54:19.320
Now, Eddie Robinson, what did you have in mind?

54:19.320 --> 54:24.320
Spread out, you guys, see. I'm taking over with the station break, see.

54:24.320 --> 54:28.320
Oh, are you still doing that imitation of Edward G. Robinson?

54:28.320 --> 54:33.320
You know, Eddie, you and I are probably the two most widely imitated people in the whole world.

54:33.320 --> 54:36.320
Oh, is she imitating me now too?

54:36.320 --> 54:39.320
No, darling, but I am. Watch this.

54:39.320 --> 54:41.320
Ready with your clarinet, Fred?

54:41.320 --> 54:44.320
Lips a kimbo, Tallulah.

54:44.320 --> 54:47.320
All right, you guys, I'm taking over, see.

54:47.320 --> 54:51.320
Now, get this, see. This is NBC.

54:51.320 --> 54:54.320
National broadcasting company.

54:54.320 --> 55:00.320
Buzzing

55:04.320 --> 55:10.320
This is the big show, where tonight the glamorous Tallulah trades darlings with the fabulous Marlene.

55:10.320 --> 55:15.320
The score at the half, Marlene of 32, Tallulah 31.

55:15.320 --> 55:19.320
Ages, that is. It's like golf, darlings.

55:19.320 --> 55:22.320
Low score wins.

55:22.320 --> 55:23.320
For...

55:23.320 --> 55:25.320
Danny Thomas.

55:25.320 --> 55:34.320
Oh, please, stop. Oh, please. Oh, thank you.

55:34.320 --> 55:36.320
Please, please, no applause, no applause.

55:36.320 --> 55:41.320
With all that applause, it sets up a big wind, I'll catch a cold and wind up sounding like Tallulah Bankhead.

55:41.320 --> 55:46.320
Danny, darling, I've been wondering when you were coming back to us.

55:46.320 --> 55:52.320
Yes, I remember I was here for the birth of this show. Mine, you should excuse the expression, weeks ago.

55:52.320 --> 55:55.320
And you were a big hit then, Danny. What have you been doing, darling?

55:55.320 --> 55:59.320
Well, I've been out in the great and glorious west, Tallulah.

55:59.320 --> 56:06.320
And as the native son of the Golden West, I kind of noticed that there ain't been nothing said about Texas in the past hour.

56:06.320 --> 56:09.320
So I'd like to sing for you a little western song.

56:09.320 --> 56:12.320
But didn't you once tell me that you came from Toledo, Ohio?

56:12.320 --> 56:20.320
Originally, Tallulah, but when I was a little boy, my parents emigrated from Toledo, Ohio and came to this country.

56:20.320 --> 56:22.320
And then they settled in the west.

56:22.320 --> 56:25.320
To me, it's the greatest place in the whole world.

56:25.320 --> 56:31.320
And that's why I'd like to sing for you a western song.

56:31.320 --> 56:38.320
A little song that was doing right smart before Bing Crosby came along and made a record, never.

56:38.320 --> 56:42.320
I reckon he didn't hurt anyone.

56:42.320 --> 56:46.320
That's western talk, man.

56:46.320 --> 56:53.320
Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam.

56:53.320 --> 56:59.320
How'd you like to have a buffalo walk right into your living room?

56:59.320 --> 57:02.320
It's the craziest song I've ever sang in my whole life.

57:02.320 --> 57:06.320
Give me a home where the buffalo roam.

57:06.320 --> 57:11.320
There's more yet, where the deer and the antelope play.

57:11.320 --> 57:17.320
What an awful looking living room you'd have after they got thrown out.

57:17.320 --> 57:20.320
I'd come here tonight representing the west.

57:20.320 --> 57:24.320
I think it's an insult writing these kind of songs, Tallulah.

57:24.320 --> 57:26.320
It's terrible.

57:26.320 --> 57:30.320
The fellows that write these songs haven't been far the west than Passaic, New Jersey.

57:30.320 --> 57:34.320
What is that other crazy song that Vaughan Monroe sang for over a year?

57:34.320 --> 57:46.320
They stole it from a lost Semitic tribe to begin with.

57:46.320 --> 57:49.320
Get a load of these words, will ya?

57:49.320 --> 57:53.320
An old cowpoke went riding out when dark and windy day.

57:53.320 --> 57:56.320
Then he came to rest upon a ridge as he went on his way.

57:56.320 --> 58:01.320
When all at once the mighty herd of flying cows he saw.

58:01.320 --> 58:06.320
That bum must have been tighter than a hood owl.

58:06.320 --> 58:12.320
Mighty herd of cows flying in the sky, snorting fire with hooves as deep.

58:12.320 --> 58:15.320
I like that other line, their hot breath he could feel.

58:15.320 --> 58:19.320
If they ever got a whiff of his they'd a keel over for sure.

58:19.320 --> 58:25.320
Yippee yi yi, yippee yi yi.

58:25.320 --> 58:29.320
They stole this song, brother.

58:29.320 --> 58:32.320
What, is it so hard to write a song about the west?

58:32.320 --> 58:34.320
It's all there.

58:34.320 --> 58:38.320
The subject matter is clear and plain and beautiful.

58:38.320 --> 58:44.320
The fellow just takes the time and the trouble to visit the west and spends some time there.

58:44.320 --> 58:49.320
I reckon if I were one given to making pretty speeches,

58:49.320 --> 58:56.320
I'd go to work and turn around and say to you,

58:56.320 --> 59:01.320
the west is my home, mother nature.

59:01.320 --> 59:06.320
For splenid in her God-given regalia, for the mountains and the valleys,

59:06.320 --> 59:11.320
for rocks and the rills and the streams and prairie and ranch country,

59:11.320 --> 59:14.320
there's no place like the west.

59:14.320 --> 59:21.320
And there isn't a man, regardless of his creed, even if he didn't have one,

59:21.320 --> 59:26.320
that's ever stood upon the precipice of the Grand Canyon

59:26.320 --> 59:31.320
and has not been forced to exclaim in complete gratitude and wonderment,

59:31.320 --> 59:35.320
thank God.

59:35.320 --> 59:42.320
And there's a bus leaving in fifteen minutes.

59:42.320 --> 59:46.320
Of course, I know what you're going to say if you're a dyed-in-a-wool Easterner,

59:46.320 --> 59:50.320
a typical cosmopolite.

59:50.320 --> 59:54.320
Especially if you're from Manhattan, I can quote you.

59:54.320 --> 59:58.320
New Yorker.

59:58.320 --> 01:00:05.320
What's with that west mole?

01:00:05.320 --> 01:00:08.320
What is that, I read it.

01:00:08.320 --> 01:00:11.320
What are you hacking me with the west?

01:00:11.320 --> 01:00:14.320
That means what are you chopping me with the west?

01:00:14.320 --> 01:00:18.320
I'm the kind of guy that likes to bet a horse, spin the wheel, shake the dice.

01:00:18.320 --> 01:00:24.320
Give me the west, you could die a slow death out there.

01:00:24.320 --> 01:00:27.320
Well, if there's anybody listening that comes under that category,

01:00:27.320 --> 01:00:29.320
I got news for you.

01:00:29.320 --> 01:00:33.320
They're waiting for you in Las Vegas, Nevada.

01:00:33.320 --> 01:00:35.320
You think you're a betting man, get out to Las Vegas.

01:00:35.320 --> 01:00:40.320
They'll bet you how the wind is going to blow next day and give you your choice of direction.

01:00:40.320 --> 01:00:43.320
I never got both feet off the train my first trip.

01:00:43.320 --> 01:00:47.320
When some tough-looking hombre walked up to me, he cased me for a split.

01:00:47.320 --> 01:00:52.320
He said, hold it, Flicker, two to one, you're dead.

01:00:52.320 --> 01:00:56.320
Would you believe it, I was afraid to bet.

01:00:56.320 --> 01:00:59.320
I mean, there was one bet I couldn't afford to lose.

01:00:59.320 --> 01:01:04.320
I had my first meal in Las Vegas with seven other men, sort of family style.

01:01:04.320 --> 01:01:06.320
I nudged the fella sitting next to me.

01:01:06.320 --> 01:01:08.320
I said, would you pass a slice of bread to help me?

01:01:08.320 --> 01:01:12.320
I caught him dealing from the bottom of the loaf.

01:01:12.320 --> 01:01:16.320
It's just a snide hint there'd be a game of poker any minute.

01:01:16.320 --> 01:01:19.320
Well, to little, the hint was good, the game was on.

01:01:19.320 --> 01:01:21.320
Five card draw.

01:01:21.320 --> 01:01:25.320
I got to thinking, shucks, five card a baby can play that game.

01:01:25.320 --> 01:01:26.320
Of course, baby don't win, you understand?

01:01:26.320 --> 01:01:28.320
They can play if you want.

01:01:28.320 --> 01:01:31.320
This baby didn't win either.

01:01:31.320 --> 01:01:35.320
Win when I tell you a royal flush wasn't good enough.

01:01:35.320 --> 01:01:38.320
You've got a rough idea of what kind of game this was.

01:01:38.320 --> 01:01:40.320
What do you think beat my royal flush?

01:01:40.320 --> 01:01:43.320
A hand called Timbuktu.

01:01:43.320 --> 01:01:45.320
I never heard of it either.

01:01:45.320 --> 01:01:53.320
Timbuktu, a pair of deuces and seven, eight, nine a club.

01:01:53.320 --> 01:01:57.320
And a six shooter about that long.

01:01:57.320 --> 01:02:00.320
I was in no mood for arguing with new rules.

01:02:00.320 --> 01:02:02.320
I played along.

01:02:02.320 --> 01:02:06.320
I finally caught the dangest hand I ever saw on five card poker.

01:02:06.320 --> 01:02:10.320
Six queens.

01:02:10.320 --> 01:02:13.320
You hear laughing, I threw them in, I didn't even bet.

01:02:13.320 --> 01:02:18.320
And it's a dang good thing I didn't, the fellow next to me had six kings.

01:02:18.320 --> 01:02:22.320
He come in third.

01:02:22.320 --> 01:02:29.320
By about four o'clock in the morning, I'll be dag blasted if I didn't catch Timbuktu myself.

01:02:29.320 --> 01:02:40.320
And I'd bet it, brother, every last dollar lost to a pair of fours.

01:02:40.320 --> 01:02:43.320
Same size six shooters.

01:02:43.320 --> 01:02:45.320
The fellow was nice about it.

01:02:45.320 --> 01:02:55.320
He said, I'm sorry, Bob, Timbuktu is good only once a night.

01:02:55.320 --> 01:03:00.320
That ain't the part of the West I'm talking about.

01:03:00.320 --> 01:03:04.320
I'm talking about the ranch country.

01:03:04.320 --> 01:03:06.320
Places out in Texas.

01:03:06.320 --> 01:03:09.320
Big, broad expanse of land.

01:03:09.320 --> 01:03:12.320
Stained by them crisscross whitewash lorries.

01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:15.320
Just such a ranch used to ride out to.

01:03:15.320 --> 01:03:19.320
Visiting with a friend of mine who was a rooting, tooting, shooting pioneer of the West.

01:03:19.320 --> 01:03:27.320
A man by the name of Hopper Long, Manny Shevitt.

01:03:27.320 --> 01:03:34.320
The fellow had a moxiball plantation.

01:03:34.320 --> 01:03:36.320
I'll never forgive it.

01:03:36.320 --> 01:03:43.320
I was out with Manny Shevitt one day just to see how the moxiballs were mottin'.

01:03:43.320 --> 01:03:52.320
I was riding what you might call a polite horse every time we came to a fence to let me go over first.

01:03:52.320 --> 01:03:56.320
Never had so much fun in my whole life.

01:03:56.320 --> 01:03:59.320
That's the country I'm talking about.

01:03:59.320 --> 01:04:02.320
And if I were asked to sing a Western song,

01:04:02.320 --> 01:04:06.320
I reckon it'd be the kind of a song that my accompanist, Walter Popp, wrote.

01:04:06.320 --> 01:04:09.320
It's a pretty song about the West.

01:04:09.320 --> 01:04:17.320
I'm sorry I have to be the one to sing it for you, but I'm the only one who knows the words.

01:04:17.320 --> 01:04:20.320
Now, let's make it pretty.

01:04:20.320 --> 01:04:26.320
How I love to sing

01:04:26.320 --> 01:04:30.320
About the wonders of the Golden Well.

01:04:30.320 --> 01:04:35.320
For I just love to sing

01:04:35.320 --> 01:04:40.320
All about my home

01:04:40.320 --> 01:04:45.320
About the mountain high

01:04:45.320 --> 01:04:50.320
And the valleys that I loved were there

01:04:50.320 --> 01:04:55.320
And her purple sky

01:04:55.320 --> 01:05:01.320
I could write a tone

01:05:01.320 --> 01:05:08.320
I swear nowhere is there such beauty

01:05:08.320 --> 01:05:12.320
And brother you can bet

01:05:12.320 --> 01:05:17.320
That's why the sun shows it

01:05:17.320 --> 01:05:20.320
As the place to set

01:05:20.320 --> 01:05:25.320
I love to sing

01:05:25.320 --> 01:05:30.320
About the glory of the Golden Well

01:05:30.320 --> 01:05:35.320
For I just love to sing

01:05:35.320 --> 01:05:40.320
All about my home

01:05:40.320 --> 01:05:44.320
I love to sing

01:05:44.320 --> 01:05:46.320
About Texas

01:05:46.320 --> 01:05:53.320
That's my home

01:06:07.320 --> 01:06:10.320
Ah, thank you, Danny, darling. That was a wonderful routine.

01:06:10.320 --> 01:06:12.320
I agree, Tallulah.

01:06:12.320 --> 01:06:16.320
Oh, Danny, I wish you'd been at this New Year's Eve party I went to. We could have used some entertainment.

01:06:16.320 --> 01:06:20.320
Listen, Eddie, if you wanted entertainment, you should have come to my New Year's Eve party.

01:06:20.320 --> 01:06:23.320
Everybody was there. It was real high society.

01:06:23.320 --> 01:06:27.320
You know, Dukes and Counts, the Whitney's, the Vanderbilt's, the Rockefellers.

01:06:27.320 --> 01:06:29.320
That's a ritzy crowd you travel with, Phil.

01:06:29.320 --> 01:06:32.320
I travel with a ritzy crowd all the time. They call me all the time, Tallulah.

01:06:32.320 --> 01:06:36.320
And I love to go because they're really very democratic people.

01:06:36.320 --> 01:06:41.320
Why, do you know something? After the party, they even invited the drummer, the violinist, and me to eat with the guests.

01:06:41.320 --> 01:06:45.320
Well, I went to a party in Hollywood at the Coleman's.

01:06:45.320 --> 01:06:50.320
You know, Ronald Coleman and his wife, Benita, and all the Hollywood people came.

01:06:50.320 --> 01:06:52.320
Actors, directors, comedians.

01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:59.320
There was a very funny fellow there. I understood, I understand he lives next door to the Coleman's.

01:06:59.320 --> 01:07:02.320
They had to serve early dinner because of him.

01:07:02.320 --> 01:07:07.320
At about five minutes of seven, he got up from the table, left the nickel tip, and ran like mad.

01:07:07.320 --> 01:07:10.320
Said he had to be somewhere at seven.

01:07:10.320 --> 01:07:13.320
I guess he didn't want to miss your show, Tallulah.

01:07:13.320 --> 01:07:16.320
A nickel tip with all his jack?

01:07:16.320 --> 01:07:18.320
I was at a lovely party in New Year's.

01:07:18.320 --> 01:07:20.320
Oh, really, Marlena? Who was there?

01:07:20.320 --> 01:07:28.320
Well, let me see. There was a Mr. Barry and a Mr. Harvey, Mr. Harris, Mr. Joyce, Mr. Brown, Mr. Benson.

01:07:28.320 --> 01:07:33.320
Now, just a moment, darling. All men, what kind of a party was this that you went to?

01:07:33.320 --> 01:07:37.320
I didn't go to the party, Tallulah. I gave it.

01:07:37.320 --> 01:07:44.320
Well, no wonder when I announced we were going to be on the program.

01:07:44.320 --> 01:07:50.320
I got letters of protest this week from Mrs. Barry and Mrs. Harvey and Mrs. Harris and Mrs. Joyce and Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Benson.

01:07:50.320 --> 01:07:51.320
Oh, Tallulah?

01:07:51.320 --> 01:07:52.320
Yes, Meredith.

01:07:52.320 --> 01:07:56.320
I had a wonderful New Year's Eve. Rene and I.

01:07:56.320 --> 01:07:57.320
Oh, dear.

01:07:57.320 --> 01:08:02.320
Rene used to be a girl, but she's now Mrs. Wilson.

01:08:02.320 --> 01:08:04.320
Get to the point, darling.

01:08:04.320 --> 01:08:06.320
Well, sir, Miss Bankhead?

01:08:06.320 --> 01:08:08.320
Yes.

01:08:08.320 --> 01:08:13.320
We sat around New Year's and listened to a wonderful recording of the song I wrote for the big show.

01:08:13.320 --> 01:08:14.320
Oh?

01:08:14.320 --> 01:08:16.320
May the good Lord bless and keep you.

01:08:16.320 --> 01:08:22.320
Eddie Arnold just made it for RCA, and it's such a great record that I could listen to it hour after hour.

01:08:22.320 --> 01:08:24.320
I'm sure you could.

01:08:24.320 --> 01:08:29.320
You know, you can play it 5,742 times before the record wears out.

01:08:29.320 --> 01:08:31.320
I'm sure you did.

01:08:31.320 --> 01:08:34.320
Danny, what did you do New Year's Eve?

01:08:34.320 --> 01:08:38.320
Oh, I went to a kind of a strange party, Tallulah. It was given by one of the vice presidents of this network.

01:08:38.320 --> 01:08:40.320
What do you mean, strange?

01:08:40.320 --> 01:08:43.320
Well, at 12 o'clock, instead of singing all anxiety, he made us all stand up and sing,

01:08:43.320 --> 01:08:47.320
Oh, NBC, the gem of the ocean.

01:08:47.320 --> 01:08:50.320
NBC, the gem of the ocean? Don't you mean?

01:08:50.320 --> 01:08:52.320
Wrong network, Tallulah.

01:08:52.320 --> 01:08:53.320
Tallulah?

01:08:53.320 --> 01:08:54.320
Yes, Fran?

01:08:54.320 --> 01:09:00.320
I went to a party and had a wonderful time. Everybody was so gay, and I kept singing carol after carol.

01:09:00.320 --> 01:09:04.320
I had a great time, darling, at a New Year's Eve party, carols for Christmas.

01:09:04.320 --> 01:09:06.320
That's when the party started.

01:09:06.320 --> 01:09:09.320
Oh, Miss Bankhead? Miss Bankhead?

01:09:09.320 --> 01:09:11.320
Yes, Rochester?

01:09:11.320 --> 01:09:13.320
Oh, wrong city.

01:09:13.320 --> 01:09:16.320
Wrong network again, Tallulah.

01:09:16.320 --> 01:09:21.320
Miss Bankhead, we just wanted to thank you for inviting us to your party on New Year's Eve.

01:09:21.320 --> 01:09:22.320
Yes.

01:09:22.320 --> 01:09:24.320
Did you have a nice time, darling?

01:09:24.320 --> 01:09:28.320
Oh, we had a double George time, Tallulah. Where were you?

01:09:28.320 --> 01:09:32.320
Darling, Fred, I never go to my own. I give such girl parties.

01:09:32.320 --> 01:09:37.320
But I might just as well have stayed home. I went to one of those impossible New Year's Eve dances.

01:09:37.320 --> 01:09:42.320
It was, well, Dorothy Parker must have been to a dance of her sort at some time or another,

01:09:42.320 --> 01:09:46.320
because she captured it so perfectly in her amusing little piece, The Waltz.

01:09:46.320 --> 01:09:50.320
You know, darling, you're standing there, the music starts.

01:09:50.320 --> 01:10:01.320
And a man comes up, dance? Ah, that's me out of the door too.

01:10:01.320 --> 01:10:06.320
Now, what did I say that for? I don't want to dance with this character.

01:10:06.320 --> 01:10:11.320
I don't want to dance with anybody. Even if I did, it wouldn't be with this one.

01:10:11.320 --> 01:10:17.320
I've seen the way he dances. He looks like the MC of a nightmare.

01:10:17.320 --> 01:10:24.320
Just think, not ten minutes ago, when I was sitting there with my heart bleeding for the poor dame he was dancing with.

01:10:24.320 --> 01:10:30.320
Now I'm elected. Well, well, isn't it a small world?

01:10:30.320 --> 01:10:34.320
And you can have it too. A little dreamboat of a world.

01:10:34.320 --> 01:10:38.320
Its events are so unpredictable, are they not?

01:10:38.320 --> 01:10:43.320
There was I, minding my own business, not harming a living soul.

01:10:43.320 --> 01:10:47.320
And then this dopey Don Juan has to come into my life.

01:10:47.320 --> 01:10:53.320
All smiles and city manners pursue me for the favor of one passionate poker,

01:10:53.320 --> 01:10:58.320
who I scarcely knows my name, let alone what it stands for.

01:10:58.320 --> 01:11:06.320
It stands for despair, bewilderment, futility, mayhem, manslaughter and assorted murder,

01:11:06.320 --> 01:11:14.320
cooperated and unincorporated. But little does he want. I won't wot his name either.

01:11:14.320 --> 01:11:19.320
I haven't the faintest idea what it is. Dukes would be my guest when I look in his eyes.

01:11:19.320 --> 01:11:25.320
How do you do, Mr. Dukes? And how is that dear little brother of yours with the two heads?

01:11:25.320 --> 01:11:28.320
What will you say when a man asks you to dance with him?

01:11:28.320 --> 01:11:33.320
I most certainly will not dance with you. You think you'll drop dead first?

01:11:33.320 --> 01:11:39.320
Why, thank you. I'd like to, awfully, but I'm about to throw a fit.

01:11:39.320 --> 01:11:48.320
Oh yes, yes, do let's dance together. It's so nice to meet a man who isn't a scatty cat about catching my very very.

01:11:48.320 --> 01:11:52.320
No, there was nothing for me to do but say I'd adore it.

01:11:52.320 --> 01:11:55.320
Well, we might as well get it over with.

01:11:55.320 --> 01:11:59.320
Now I know how fun it feels on moving day.

01:11:59.320 --> 01:12:05.320
Okay, cannonball. Let's run out on the field. You won the toss, you lead.

01:12:05.320 --> 01:12:10.320
Huh? Oh, I think it's mobile waltz, really, isn't it?

01:12:10.320 --> 01:12:14.320
Well, we might just listen to the music a second, huh, shall we?

01:12:14.320 --> 01:12:23.320
Oh yes, here's a waltz. Mine? I'm simply thrilled. I'd love to waltz with you.

01:12:23.320 --> 01:12:28.320
I'd love to waltz with you. I'd love to have my tonsils out.

01:12:28.320 --> 01:12:31.320
I'd love to be hit on the head with an atomic bomb.

01:12:31.320 --> 01:12:36.320
Well, it's too late now. I'm trapped like a trap in a trap.

01:12:36.320 --> 01:12:40.320
We're underway. Why didn't I ask him to sit this out?

01:12:40.320 --> 01:12:44.320
He'll be sitting on the floor and then the biz keeps up.

01:12:44.320 --> 01:12:47.320
It's a good thing I warned him this is a waltz.

01:12:47.320 --> 01:12:52.320
I bet if I told him this is a lumber, we'd have made a touchdown in Times Square.

01:12:52.320 --> 01:12:56.320
Why does he always want to be somewhere that he isn't?

01:12:56.320 --> 01:13:00.320
Why can't we stay long enough in one place to get to know the neighbors

01:13:00.320 --> 01:13:03.320
with this constant rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush,

01:13:03.320 --> 01:13:05.320
the curse of American life?

01:13:05.320 --> 01:13:06.320
That's the reason we're all...

01:13:06.320 --> 01:13:08.320
Ah!

01:13:08.320 --> 01:13:10.320
You'll have to kick, you idiot.

01:13:10.320 --> 01:13:14.320
Oh, my poor little shin. My poor little shin.

01:13:14.320 --> 01:13:18.320
I've had it ever since I was a little girl.

01:13:18.320 --> 01:13:22.320
Oh no, no, no, goodness, no, it didn't hurt the least bit.

01:13:22.320 --> 01:13:24.320
And anyway, it was my fault.

01:13:24.320 --> 01:13:26.320
It was, it was, it was really, it was really, it was really...

01:13:26.320 --> 01:13:29.320
Oh, now you're just being sweet to say that.

01:13:29.320 --> 01:13:32.320
It really was all my fault.

01:13:32.320 --> 01:13:34.320
I wonder what I should do.

01:13:34.320 --> 01:13:36.320
Throttle him this instant with my naked hands.

01:13:36.320 --> 01:13:39.320
I'll let him have a stroke and drop in his tracks.

01:13:39.320 --> 01:13:41.320
Maybe it's best not to make a scene.

01:13:41.320 --> 01:13:45.320
I guess I'll just lie low and let him burn himself out.

01:13:45.320 --> 01:13:48.320
You can't keep this up indefinitely. He's only human.

01:13:48.320 --> 01:13:50.320
Well, I wonder.

01:13:50.320 --> 01:13:52.320
I don't want to be the over-sensitive type.

01:13:52.320 --> 01:13:56.320
But you can't tell me that kick was un-former-tative.

01:13:56.320 --> 01:13:59.320
When it comes to kicking, I am outraised womanhood.

01:13:59.320 --> 01:14:02.320
The new kick me in the shin smile.

01:14:02.320 --> 01:14:04.320
I bet he grew up in the hill country.

01:14:04.320 --> 01:14:07.320
I bet they had to throw him on his back to get his shoes on.

01:14:07.320 --> 01:14:11.320
What? Oh, no, it's lovely. No, it's simply lovely.

01:14:11.320 --> 01:14:14.320
It's the loveliest walk I ever heard, isn't it?

01:14:14.320 --> 01:14:17.320
Yes, I think it's lovely, too.

01:14:17.320 --> 01:14:19.320
Eh, sure.

01:14:19.320 --> 01:14:23.320
I bet he'll be a nice little friend to me if I have to spend the next two years in a plastic cast.

01:14:23.320 --> 01:14:25.320
Well, he wants to live forever.

01:14:25.320 --> 01:14:28.320
Dance, little gypsy, dance while he can.

01:14:28.320 --> 01:14:31.320
I wonder if the band leader shoots you when you break a leg.

01:14:31.320 --> 01:14:33.320
Oh, dear, dear, dear.

01:14:33.320 --> 01:14:35.320
Oh, he's all right, thank goodness.

01:14:35.320 --> 01:14:38.320
For a while I thought they'd have to carry him off the field.

01:14:38.320 --> 01:14:40.320
Oh, I couldn't bear to have anything happen to him.

01:14:40.320 --> 01:14:43.320
Ah! Get off!

01:14:43.320 --> 01:14:46.320
I ain't a step-fee hulking peasant.

01:14:46.320 --> 01:14:48.320
What do you think I am, anyway, a gangplank? Ah!

01:14:48.320 --> 01:14:51.320
Oh, no, no! Of course it didn't hurt a bit.

01:14:51.320 --> 01:14:53.320
Why, it didn't hurt a bit.

01:14:53.320 --> 01:14:55.320
Honestly, it was all my fault.

01:14:55.320 --> 01:14:57.320
You see, that little step of yours, well, it's perfectly lovely,

01:14:57.320 --> 01:15:00.320
but it's just a tiny bit tricky to follow at first.

01:15:00.320 --> 01:15:03.320
Oh, did you work it up yourself?

01:15:03.320 --> 01:15:07.320
You really did? Well, aren't you amazing?

01:15:07.320 --> 01:15:10.320
Oh, no, no, no, no. Now I think I've got it.

01:15:10.320 --> 01:15:11.320
Oh, no, I think it's lovely.

01:15:11.320 --> 01:15:13.320
Yes, I was watching you dancing before.

01:15:13.320 --> 01:15:17.320
It's awfully effective when you look at it.

01:15:17.320 --> 01:15:20.320
It's awfully effective when you look at me, too, I bet.

01:15:20.320 --> 01:15:24.320
I must look like something out of the fall of the House of Usher.

01:15:24.320 --> 01:15:28.320
This sort of thing takes a fearful toll on a woman in my condition.

01:15:28.320 --> 01:15:31.320
And he worked up this little step himself,

01:15:31.320 --> 01:15:34.320
he and his degenerate cunning.

01:15:34.320 --> 01:15:37.320
Well, I'm past all feeling now.

01:15:37.320 --> 01:15:42.320
I didn't know what trouble was until I got drawn into this dance, my carb.

01:15:42.320 --> 01:15:46.320
I think, I think my mind's beginning to wander.

01:15:46.320 --> 01:15:49.320
It almost seems if the music was stopping.

01:15:49.320 --> 01:15:51.320
Oh, it couldn't be a cause.

01:15:51.320 --> 01:15:55.320
No, the governor refused to sign the reprieve.

01:15:55.320 --> 01:15:57.320
What? Stop?

01:15:57.320 --> 01:16:01.320
Oh, they have stopped, the mean thing.

01:16:01.320 --> 01:16:03.320
They're not going to play anymore?

01:16:03.320 --> 01:16:06.320
Oh, you darling, do you really think they would?

01:16:06.320 --> 01:16:09.320
You really think so, if you gave them $20?

01:16:09.320 --> 01:16:11.320
Oh, that would be lovely.

01:16:11.320 --> 01:16:14.320
And look, do tell them to play the same thing.

01:16:14.320 --> 01:16:17.320
I'd simply adore to go on waltzing.

01:16:17.320 --> 01:16:28.320
APPLAUSE

01:16:28.320 --> 01:16:31.320
Well, darlings, that approximates my New Year's Eve.

01:16:31.320 --> 01:16:35.320
And what a New Year's Day, soaking my head and my feet.

01:16:35.320 --> 01:16:39.320
Luckily, I didn't sit out too many dances.

01:16:39.320 --> 01:16:45.320
Tallulah, I liked your one side of the little story, a monologue, I believe they call it.

01:16:45.320 --> 01:16:46.320
Yes.

01:16:46.320 --> 01:16:51.320
And I noticed that you are the only one who gets to do a monologue on this show.

01:16:51.320 --> 01:16:55.320
But I'm afraid that I'm going to have to burst that little bubble tea.

01:16:55.320 --> 01:16:58.320
It's very entertaining hearing your side of the evening,

01:16:58.320 --> 01:17:01.320
but have you ever considered what your partner was thinking?

01:17:01.320 --> 01:17:03.320
I don't believe he could, darling.

01:17:03.320 --> 01:17:05.320
Well, I think Fred's right, Tallulah.

01:17:05.320 --> 01:17:09.320
You know, you women always think you're getting the worst of it from the war between the sexes,

01:17:09.320 --> 01:17:11.320
but I'd hate to be able to read your partner's mind.

01:17:11.320 --> 01:17:15.320
Say, just as a lark, Tallulah, would you consider it de rigueur?

01:17:15.320 --> 01:17:17.320
They want to Hildegard's writers as their description.

01:17:17.320 --> 01:17:19.320
Ah!

01:17:19.320 --> 01:17:21.320
LAUGHTER

01:17:21.320 --> 01:17:25.320
Would you be upset if we tried to reconstruct the scene from the Fowler side?

01:17:25.320 --> 01:17:27.320
I smell a monologue coming up, but go ahead.

01:17:27.320 --> 01:17:30.320
I'll try not to listen. Don't listen to this girl.

01:17:30.320 --> 01:17:32.320
Portland, put your hand over your ears.

01:17:32.320 --> 01:17:33.320
Now, you two friends, Marlena?

01:17:33.320 --> 01:17:34.320
Yes, Tallulah?

01:17:34.320 --> 01:17:36.320
Be an old ear, darling, and don't listen to this.

01:17:36.320 --> 01:17:38.320
You put your hands over your hearing aid.

01:17:38.320 --> 01:17:40.320
LAUGHTER

01:17:40.320 --> 01:17:42.320
I disconnected it while you were dancing, Tallulah.

01:17:42.320 --> 01:17:44.320
What did you say, darling?

01:17:44.320 --> 01:17:47.320
I disconnected it while you were dancing.

01:17:47.320 --> 01:17:49.320
Now, go to it, friend, Eddie.

01:17:49.320 --> 01:17:51.320
We fellas are with you, right, Danny?

01:17:51.320 --> 01:17:53.320
Yeah, you can count me in.

01:17:53.320 --> 01:17:55.320
Count you in, okay. How about you, Meredith?

01:17:55.320 --> 01:17:57.320
Fellas against the girls.

01:17:57.320 --> 01:17:59.320
Okay, I'll do it.

01:17:59.320 --> 01:18:02.320
Goodbye, Rene, who used to be Mrs. Wilson.

01:18:02.320 --> 01:18:05.320
A little music, Meredith, if you don't mind.

01:18:05.320 --> 01:18:07.320
MUSIC

01:18:07.320 --> 01:18:09.320
Well, Fred.

01:18:09.320 --> 01:18:10.320
Yeah, Eddie?

01:18:10.320 --> 01:18:12.320
See anything you like?

01:18:12.320 --> 01:18:13.320
Oh...

01:18:13.320 --> 01:18:16.320
LAUGHTER

01:18:16.320 --> 01:18:22.320
I don't know. They're not getting as sharp a crowd as they used to here at Roseland.

01:18:22.320 --> 01:18:24.320
LAUGHTER

01:18:24.320 --> 01:18:26.320
And the music's louder, too. Notice?

01:18:26.320 --> 01:18:29.320
Yeah, there are only two left that aren't dancing.

01:18:29.320 --> 01:18:31.320
Which one do you like?

01:18:31.320 --> 01:18:36.320
Well, how about the mousy one with the neon sign on her back that lights up and spells Tallulah?

01:18:36.320 --> 01:18:39.320
LAUGHTER

01:18:39.320 --> 01:18:41.320
I'd rather...

01:18:41.320 --> 01:18:44.320
I'd rather dance with that truck driver.

01:18:44.320 --> 01:18:46.320
He looks nicer.

01:18:46.320 --> 01:18:49.320
Oh, shoot, somebody's got him.

01:18:49.320 --> 01:18:52.320
I'll have to dance with her.

01:18:52.320 --> 01:18:56.320
MUSIC

01:18:56.320 --> 01:18:58.320
Dance?

01:18:58.320 --> 01:19:00.320
Get a load of that voice.

01:19:00.320 --> 01:19:02.320
LAUGHTER

01:19:02.320 --> 01:19:05.320
Oh, brother. That's who she sounds like, my brother.

01:19:05.320 --> 01:19:07.320
LAUGHTER

01:19:07.320 --> 01:19:10.320
What are they playing? It's a waltz, Miss.

01:19:10.320 --> 01:19:13.320
They're playing a waltz, but this kid's doing the Big Apple.

01:19:13.320 --> 01:19:15.320
LAUGHTER

01:19:15.320 --> 01:19:17.320
And she's the type that leads.

01:19:17.320 --> 01:19:18.320
LAUGHTER

01:19:18.320 --> 01:19:23.320
Uh, what's that? My name? It's Jukes. Fred Jukes.

01:19:23.320 --> 01:19:26.320
My family makes all of those boxes you see around in Paris.

01:19:26.320 --> 01:19:28.320
LAUGHTER

01:19:28.320 --> 01:19:30.320
No, no, no, I'm not married.

01:19:30.320 --> 01:19:33.320
No, I've never been married.

01:19:33.320 --> 01:19:35.320
Yes, I'm single.

01:19:35.320 --> 01:19:41.320
Yes, I've thought about getting married if the right girl came along.

01:19:41.320 --> 01:19:44.320
Oh, what a grip on this kid.

01:19:44.320 --> 01:19:46.320
LAUGHTER

01:19:46.320 --> 01:19:49.320
She's clutching me like men are going out of style.

01:19:49.320 --> 01:19:53.320
LAUGHTER

01:19:53.320 --> 01:19:56.320
She's so hard to push around, too.

01:19:56.320 --> 01:19:59.320
She must have lead in her wedgies or something.

01:19:59.320 --> 01:20:03.320
LAUGHTER

01:20:03.320 --> 01:20:08.320
Maybe it's her makeup. That makeup she's wearing must weigh as much as she does.

01:20:08.320 --> 01:20:09.320
LAUGHTER

01:20:09.320 --> 01:20:13.320
I almost feel like I'm dancing with her and Max Factor.

01:20:13.320 --> 01:20:16.320
LAUGHTER

01:20:16.320 --> 01:20:19.320
See, there must be some way I can get rid of this dame.

01:20:19.320 --> 01:20:22.320
Maybe I ought to kick her in the shins.

01:20:22.320 --> 01:20:26.320
I think I will kick her in the shins.

01:20:26.320 --> 01:20:29.320
The way she's dancing, it'll look like an accident.

01:20:29.320 --> 01:20:33.320
But how can I kick her? She's standing on both of my feet.

01:20:33.320 --> 01:20:38.320
LAUGHTER

01:20:38.320 --> 01:20:41.320
She must have a sideline selling corn plaster.

01:20:41.320 --> 01:20:43.320
LAUGHTER

01:20:43.320 --> 01:20:47.320
Look through the window. It's getting light outside.

01:20:47.320 --> 01:20:50.320
We're the only couple left.

01:20:50.320 --> 01:20:54.320
Everybody else is gone, but the music is still playing.

01:20:54.320 --> 01:20:58.320
I thought I saw her slip that band leader 20 bucks.

01:20:58.320 --> 01:21:02.320
No, I'm sorry, Miss. No, no, really, I have to be going.

01:21:02.320 --> 01:21:06.320
No, it's almost morning. Where am I going?

01:21:06.320 --> 01:21:09.320
Well, I have to get in line at the unemployment insurance office.

01:21:09.320 --> 01:21:11.320
LAUGHTER

01:21:11.320 --> 01:21:15.320
What? Why do I need unemployment insurance?

01:21:15.320 --> 01:21:18.320
Because I'm out of radio.

01:21:18.320 --> 01:21:22.320
Why am I out of radio? I can't hear myself think.

01:21:22.320 --> 01:21:25.320
If only that music wasn't so loud.

01:21:25.320 --> 01:21:28.320
So you want to know why I'm out of radio, eh?

01:21:28.320 --> 01:21:32.320
Well, I'll tell you why I'm out of radio, Miss. Stop the music.

01:21:32.320 --> 01:21:34.320
That's why.

01:21:34.320 --> 01:21:43.320
APPLAUSE

01:21:43.320 --> 01:21:46.320
Fred, that was divinely insane.

01:21:46.320 --> 01:21:48.320
I hope you're not angry, Tallulah.

01:21:48.320 --> 01:21:51.320
Oh, no, but I loved every moment of it. It was very charming.

01:21:51.320 --> 01:21:55.320
And there's just one thing. I wonder what happened to that friend of yours, the dance, the part Eddie played.

01:21:55.320 --> 01:21:58.320
Oh, that guy, he wound up going out with the boys.

01:21:58.320 --> 01:22:00.320
With the boys. What fun is that?

01:22:00.320 --> 01:22:06.320
Oh, he was at that party with Mr. Barry, Mr. Harvey, Mr. Benson, Mr. Harris, Mr. Joyce, Mr. Brown.

01:22:06.320 --> 01:22:11.320
Marlene, I don't know how you do it. How do you manage to keep so many men interested?

01:22:11.320 --> 01:22:14.320
I make such good wiener schnitzel.

01:22:14.320 --> 01:22:17.320
LAUGHTER

01:22:17.320 --> 01:22:19.320
Yeah, I think so too.

01:22:19.320 --> 01:22:24.320
Well, it must be something else, darling, because Betty Crocker comes to me for cupcake lessons.

01:22:24.320 --> 01:22:26.320
LAUGHTER

01:22:26.320 --> 01:22:32.320
Let's be honest, Tallulah, darling. No matter what, a better cook than you am I.

01:22:32.320 --> 01:22:39.320
Ah, come now, Marlene, my precious. Everybody knows that I can do anything better than you can.

01:22:39.320 --> 01:22:41.320
You must be joking, Tallulah.

01:22:41.320 --> 01:22:44.320
Anything you can do, I can do better.

01:22:44.320 --> 01:22:46.320
I can do anything better than you.

01:22:46.320 --> 01:22:47.320
No, you can't.

01:22:47.320 --> 01:22:48.320
Yes, I can.

01:22:48.320 --> 01:22:49.320
Oh, no, you can't.

01:22:49.320 --> 01:22:50.320
Yes, I can.

01:22:50.320 --> 01:22:51.320
No, you can't.

01:22:51.320 --> 01:22:52.320
Yes, I can. Yes, I can.

01:22:52.320 --> 01:22:55.320
You're pressing, darling.

01:22:55.320 --> 01:22:56.320
LAUGHTER

01:22:56.320 --> 01:22:58.320
I can do that better too.

01:22:58.320 --> 01:23:00.320
LAUGHTER

01:23:00.320 --> 01:23:03.320
Any age you can be, I can be younger.

01:23:03.320 --> 01:23:06.320
Oh, I can be younger than you'll ever be.

01:23:06.320 --> 01:23:07.320
Thirty-two.

01:23:07.320 --> 01:23:08.320
Thirty-one.

01:23:08.320 --> 01:23:09.320
Twenty-five.

01:23:09.320 --> 01:23:10.320
Twenty-three.

01:23:10.320 --> 01:23:11.320
Twenty-one.

01:23:11.320 --> 01:23:15.320
Nineteen and a half, eighteen and a half, six and a half.

01:23:15.320 --> 01:23:18.320
Is that your age, darling, or your shoe size?

01:23:18.320 --> 01:23:23.320
LAUGHTER

01:23:23.320 --> 01:23:24.320
I can fill a sweater.

01:23:24.320 --> 01:23:26.320
I can fill a sweater.

01:23:26.320 --> 01:23:27.320
I am known for glamour.

01:23:27.320 --> 01:23:29.320
I am known for glamour.

01:23:29.320 --> 01:23:32.320
I can do most anything.

01:23:32.320 --> 01:23:34.320
Can you pronounce Ed Hurley hee-hie?

01:23:34.320 --> 01:23:35.320
No.

01:23:35.320 --> 01:23:36.320
Now, then, I...

01:23:36.320 --> 01:23:38.320
LAUGHTER

01:23:38.320 --> 01:23:41.320
Any note you can sing, I can sing lower.

01:23:41.320 --> 01:23:44.320
I can sing any note lower than you.

01:23:44.320 --> 01:23:45.320
No, you can't.

01:23:45.320 --> 01:23:46.320
Yes, I can.

01:23:46.320 --> 01:23:47.320
No, you can't.

01:23:47.320 --> 01:23:48.320
Yes, I can.

01:23:48.320 --> 01:23:50.320
No, you can't.

01:23:50.320 --> 01:23:52.320
Yes, I can.

01:23:52.320 --> 01:23:55.320
Yes, I can.

01:23:55.320 --> 01:24:02.320
Many brave hearts are asleep in the beat.

01:24:02.320 --> 01:24:11.320
So be well, be...

01:24:11.320 --> 01:24:13.320
Step aside, Buster.

01:24:13.320 --> 01:24:15.320
LAUGHTER

01:24:15.320 --> 01:24:40.320
You're a hee-hee.

01:24:40.320 --> 01:24:43.320
Thank you, my dear darling, for coming to our show

01:24:43.320 --> 01:24:45.320
and permitting us to toss you around the way we did.

01:24:45.320 --> 01:24:47.320
You've been an absolute angel.

01:24:47.320 --> 01:24:49.320
We hope you'll all be with us next week

01:24:49.320 --> 01:24:51.320
when our stars will be Louis Calhurn,

01:24:51.320 --> 01:24:53.320
Jack Carter, Florence Desmond,

01:24:53.320 --> 01:24:57.320
Jim Adurante, Martha Ray, Fran Warren and others,

01:24:57.320 --> 01:24:59.320
and, of course, Meredith Wilson

01:24:59.320 --> 01:25:01.320
and his big show, Orchestra and Chorus.

01:25:01.320 --> 01:25:06.320
Until then, may the good Lord bless and keep you

01:25:06.320 --> 01:25:11.320
whether near or far away, Fran.

01:25:11.320 --> 01:25:20.320
May you find that long-awaited golden day today.

01:25:20.320 --> 01:25:21.320
Edward.

01:25:21.320 --> 01:25:26.320
May your numbers all be small ones

01:25:26.320 --> 01:25:30.320
and your fortunes ten times ten.

01:25:30.320 --> 01:25:32.320
Bye, later.

01:25:32.320 --> 01:25:36.320
May the good Lord bless and keep you

01:25:36.320 --> 01:25:41.320
till we meet again.

01:25:41.320 --> 01:25:42.320
Portland.

01:25:42.320 --> 01:25:46.320
May you walk with sunlight shining

01:25:46.320 --> 01:25:51.320
and a bluebird in every tree.

01:25:51.320 --> 01:25:52.320
Meredith.

01:25:52.320 --> 01:25:56.320
May there be a silver lining

01:25:56.320 --> 01:26:01.320
back of every cloud you see.

01:26:01.320 --> 01:26:02.320
Phil.

01:26:02.320 --> 01:26:07.320
Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrows

01:26:07.320 --> 01:26:11.320
never mind what might have been.

01:26:11.320 --> 01:26:12.320
Fred.

01:26:12.320 --> 01:26:16.320
May the good Lord bless and keep you

01:26:16.320 --> 01:26:21.320
till we meet again.

01:26:21.320 --> 01:26:22.320
Danny.

01:26:22.320 --> 01:26:27.320
May you walk with sunlight shining

01:26:27.320 --> 01:26:32.320
and a bluebird in every tree.

01:26:32.320 --> 01:26:38.320
May there be a silver lining

01:26:38.320 --> 01:26:43.320
back of every cloud you see.

01:26:43.320 --> 01:26:48.320
Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrows

01:26:48.320 --> 01:26:53.320
never mind what might have been.

01:26:53.320 --> 01:26:57.320
May the good Lord bless and keep you

01:26:57.320 --> 01:27:02.320
until we meet again.

01:27:02.320 --> 01:27:07.320
May the good Lord bless and keep you

01:27:07.320 --> 01:27:18.320
till we meet, till we meet again.

01:27:18.320 --> 01:27:40.320
Good night, darlings.

01:27:40.320 --> 01:27:41.320
Listen to the big show next Sunday

01:27:41.320 --> 01:27:42.320
when we'll have with us

01:27:42.320 --> 01:27:44.320
Louis Calhurn, Jack Carter,

01:27:44.320 --> 01:27:45.320
Forrest Tessman, Jimmy Durante,

01:27:45.320 --> 01:27:46.320
Martha Ray and others.

01:27:46.320 --> 01:27:48.320
Fran Warren, Meredith Wilson

01:27:48.320 --> 01:27:49.320
and the big show orchestra

01:27:49.320 --> 01:27:50.320
and forrest and as always

01:27:50.320 --> 01:27:51.320
the glamorous, unpredictable

01:27:51.320 --> 01:27:52.320
Tallulah Bankhead.

01:27:52.320 --> 01:27:54.320
The big show is directed and produced

01:27:54.320 --> 01:27:55.320
by Dee Engelbach

01:27:55.320 --> 01:27:57.320
and written by Goodman A. Selma Diamond,

01:27:57.320 --> 01:27:58.320
George Foster, Mort Green

01:27:58.320 --> 01:28:07.320
and Frank Wilson.

01:28:07.320 --> 01:28:08.320
Listen to Joseph Cotton

01:28:08.320 --> 01:28:16.320
and Theatre Guild on NBC.