Isaac, you're about to be entertained by some of the biggest names in scovages.
For the next hour and 30 minutes, this program will present in person such bright stars as...
Fred Allen, Eddie Cantor, Portland Hoffa, Judy Holliday, Kipsey Rose Lee, Warren Monroe, Patrice Munsell, Meredith Wilkins, and my name darling is Tallulah Bankschek.
The National Broadcasting Company presents The Big Show.
The Big Show, 90 minutes with the most scintillating personalities in the entertainment world.
Brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of NBC's All Star Fesson.
And here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bankhead.
Hello darlings, I feel simply magnificent today. Guess what? A divine thing has happened.
Some man has fallen madly in love with me.
Well, on Monday he sent me a stunning red rose. On Tuesday he sent me two roses.
And on Wednesday he sent me three roses. And on Thursday he sent me four.
Well, guess what? You thought I was bottled up there, didn't you darling?
I think I've lost some plays. Oh, yeah I am.
Well, I sent the... Fred Allen's on the program, I've got to ad lib him.
Well, I simply adore anonymous admirers.
I mean, I simply adore not right, yes, but I never get to meet them. Maybe that's why they admire us.
Oh, now that doesn't sound right, does it?
And I just can't accept gifts from someone I don't know.
Well, I had some friends over the other night and they advised me to return the flowers.
So I returned Monday's rose and Tuesday's two roses and Wednesday's three roses.
Well darlings, I could return Thursday's flowers, my friends drank them.
We did not drink them. Oh gypsy darling, gypsy rosely.
Applause
It's good to be on the show, you Toulouse. Even if it's just to see you again, it's been so long since we've seen each other, hasn't it?
Well, yes it has, Gypsy. Let me look at you.
Oh darling, since the last time I saw you, you certainly have put on clothes.
Please Toulouse, I wish you wouldn't talk about that.
Oh, well everybody knows you're famous for taking off clothes.
Yes, and everybody knows you're famous for taking off birthdays.
Well, here we go again boys.
Why is it that every woman who visits on the big show feels too much fight with me?
They all come on wearing gloves.
Wearing gloves? Oh, I'm sorry Toulouse, I can take my gloves off.
And that's all darling, this is radio.
I know Toulouse, I happen to be in this for ceremonies on my own radio show, just as you are here.
I think we should be friends. We have a lot in common.
Oh, you're quite right to say. Here we are, two women MCs.
Now I know what MC stands for, man's conqueror.
Oh, by the way darling, what kind of show do you do?
It's a quiz show.
Oh yes, of course, take it off or leave it.
Not quite darling, it's called What Makes You Tick? And you might do worse than to listen to it Toulouse.
It's rather an adult show. I have to buy a new dress, a new gown, a new dress every week to go to Class C Atmosphere.
Gypsy my sweet, my pet, with all due respect to your show, which is after all only half an hour,
my show is three half hours and I need three gowns every week.
Yes, but you have to wear all three at the same time darling?
Oh, here's the screen.
The gypsy is the only woman in the world who can say she has nothing to wear and wear it.
Salula, I just bought this nothing I'm wearing and it cost $500.
$500? I have pride, it's gone up.
Well I just bought this gown and it was reduced to $750.
Very nice, Salula, it's lovely. I hope you won't think I'm prying, but what size do you take?
Size 12.
Oh, the size was reduced too.
Oh now Gypsy darling, here we are two intelligent women standing around quibbling about clothes.
You know that men always say women have nothing to talk about with clothes.
They're so silly aren't they Gypsy?
Oh of course.
But we have so many things we can talk about.
Certainly.
There's no reason for grown up women to confine themselves to bickering about clothes.
Of course not. We could talk about, oh, hmm.
Hmm.
Oh, oh, hmm.
Well, what were you saying about my dress darling?
Now, Salula, stop. We were both in the theater together. We could discuss that.
Gypsy, I wouldn't ever for one moment underestimate your huge contribution to the theater.
But after all darling, I am a famous dramatic actress. I know how to project.
Me too, honey.
I know how to underplay.
Me too, honey.
I know how to play out of my soul.
I pass.
You know Gypsy, the legitimate theater is a stern cast monster. It can be pretty rough darling.
Well, my branch of the theater was quite rugged too.
Yes, I hear it's one long grind.
But the fascinating thing about me Gypsy is that in all my years in the theater, not once did I ever forget my lines.
In all my years in the theater, not once did the audience ever forget mine.
I played before practically every man and woman in the world.
Well, I must admit honey, I only had half your audience.
Well, I can make an audience here just by, well, by twitching an eyebrow.
I pass.
Now Gypsy, you can't keep on farting darling. You've got to call or raise.
I'll call honey. How long have you been in the theater?
I pass.
Ladies and gentlemen, Meredith Wilson and the Big Show Orchestra and Chorus play their arrangement of If You Feel Like Singing, Sing.
Gypsy darling, why don't you sit down? I know it's such a temptation to walk back and forth across the stage while the music is playing.
If you feel like singing, sing.
If you feel like singing, sing.
You're better the way
There's nothing about living out with a strong
Take you too long
Tell you find a piece of my anvil there
You should feel like coming home
To leave me all alone
Supposing you don't read me slightly or see
Everyone can hear me
Tell your friends to go on a trip, they're not making faces
You feel like hanging in there
If you like a peri, Carmen or Macari
Go spend an hour under the shower
Or eat your song from the mountain
Before I go ever sleep
So come down, down, down, what's in un-dreaming
That sometime you'd like to scream
Do you feel like coming home
To leave me all alone
If you feel like coming home
To leave me all alone
You feel like humming hums,
Siddly-dee-dee-da-dee-da.
Just look in the mirror and guess what you wear,
And make your mind rest at all.
Don't you tell about your dwellings,
Your neighbors start yelling,
If you can't sing good things at all.
La-dee-da, la-dee-da,
When your life is in need of repair.
La-dee-da,
Don't you care,
When anyone who feels different,
Will trip up like a whipplewhip,
In long-distance,
Never at 18,
Any anniversary,
Our Phoenix will next only end.
You feel like singing,
For a love to be,
La-dee-da-da,
Into your arms,
On deck.
Divine as usual, Meredith.
Darling, meet Meredith Wilson.
Hello, Miss Banker.
Hello, Meredith. Have you met Gypsy Rose Lee?
She who?
Gypsy. This is our brilliant musical conductor,
Dr. Meredith Wilson.
Hello, Meredith.
Gee, where is it?
The Gypsies are famous entertainers.
Gee, strange.
Hey, I'll tell you a very funny story about that.
Meredith, please.
I didn't know you knew about Gypsy's talent.
Oh, sure. I read, you know.
Darling, how cunning.
Oh, sure. I've read all of Miss Lee's books.
I consider her one of the finest writers in the world,
living or dead.
Oh, I can see this kid knows all about me.
Ever since your first book, Miss Lee,
The G-string Murders,
I've been an avid reader of your work.
How avid, avid can you get?
But the story of how I came to buy your first book is a doozy.
Glad you asked me.
Well, here we go, darling.
Well, sir, Miss Bankhead,
I was in Omaha, Nebraska at the time.
I want to say Omaha.
Was it Pierre, North Dakota?
Could have been Pierre.
Or was it Omaha?
I thought it was Pierre.
No, it wasn't Pierre. It was Omaha.
Lucky Pierre.
Pierre.
Well, I was playing a date there with a band,
and we had a break for a couple hours.
It was just about the time your book came out, Miss Lee,
and I went by a place which had your picture out in front of it.
So I figured it was the library, and I went in to read your book.
Well, sir, they sure have funny libraries in Omaha.
I laugh every time I think of it.
Yes, I do too. Don't you get to?
I pass.
Well, the strangest thing is,
I guess the women don't read much in Omaha.
The place is filled with men.
And the librarian.
It's the first time I've ever seen singing librarians.
Boy, it was the liveliest library you ever saw.
And there you are, darling.
Get on with the story about Gypsy Rose Lee.
Strip it down to its barracks, essentially.
Well, sir, I would have liked to have browsed around a little,
but they didn't have a copy of the book,
so I left and got it someplace else.
I laugh, but what's the point?
Gypsy, you optimist.
Optimist.
Well, sir, Miss Lee, I told the boys in the band about it,
and ever since that time, whenever we stop in Omaha,
the same thing happened.
For a bunch of fellows that don't read,
the boys in my band sure spend a lot of time in the library
in Omaha, Nebraska.
Well, brother.
We are happy now to welcome to the big show
a brilliant young comedian from Hollywood,
the glamorous and talented Columbia Pictures star,
Miss Julie Holliday.
Julie Holliday's most recent, most hilarious triumph
is in Columbia Pictures' brand new smash hit,
The Scream.
The Scream is a
the screening of Garth and Kanan's Broadway success,
Born Yesterday.
I'm happy now to welcome to the big show
a brilliant young comedian from Hollywood,
the glamorous and talented Columbia Pictures star,
Miss Julie Holliday.
The Beauty Holiday's most recent, most hilarious triumph
is in Columbia Pictures' brand new smash hit,
the screening of Garth and Canaan's Broadway success,
Born Yesterday.
We present Miss Holliday now in a scene from that picture,
starring Julie Holliday in Born Yesterday.
Born Yesterday is a story of a junk tycoon called Harry Brock,
who has more junkyard, more money, more connections
than grammar or scruples.
It is a story of a beautiful gal, Billy Dawn,
who has more mean coat, more angles, more curves,
and book learning.
It is a story of Paul Zello, a young Washington newspaper
man, who is hired by Brock to wise Billy up to the ways
of Washington's stock.
The scene is Brock's Washington Hotel Street,
where Brock's Billy and Brock's lawyer
are playing host to a certain unscrupulous congressman
and his wife.
The social amenities are about to get a real going over.
Yes, Congressman, you ought to remember this little lady,
a great first nighter like you.
She used to be Billy Dawn.
Hiya, Joe.
And this is Mrs. Hedges, Billy.
Glad to meet you.
Glad to meet you.
I guess we can leave the girls together, Congressman,
while we see about the drinks.
Well, and how do you like Washington, Mrs. Brock?
Mrs. Billy, I haven't seen Washington yet.
Oh, you mean to say this is the very first time you've been here?
Yeah, that's what I mean.
I never went on the road.
Well, I'm sure you'll find it a very interesting city.
Too bad the Supreme Court isn't in session.
You'd love that.
Yes, what is it?
Well, hello, everybody.
Well, Brock.
And I suppose this is Congressman Hedges' wife,
eh, Mrs. Hedges?
That's right.
I certainly am happy to make your acquaintance.
Thank you so much.
Did you have a good trip down?
Oh, sure.
I come in my car.
I came.
Had to step off in Baltimore on the way.
I got a yard there.
A junkyard.
It was the second yard I picked up.
Before that, I only had one.
How many do you have now?
I couldn't answer that one, baby.
Oh, excuse me.
That's all right.
I don't know why I like the little Baltimore outfit.
I just always get kind of a feeling from it.
You know what I mean?
Sentimental.
That said, I'm sentimental, like you say.
I think we're all a bit sentimental.
Yeah.
Well, it's a free country.
Do you play bridge, Mrs. Brach?
No, only gin.
I beg your pardon.
Gin rummin'.
Excuse me, the congressman wants to know how you're fixed for time tomorrow morning, Harry.
10 o'clock all right?
That's pretty early for me.
Oh, thank you.
11?
Okay.
Well, I'm sorry you folks have to run.
Do you want to wash your hands or anything, honey?
No, no, thank you very much.
Well, good night.
Thanks for everything.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night, all.
Oh, brother, did you ever put your foot in it?
What'd I do?
Nothing, nothing.
Oh, brother, something's gonna have to be done about you.
They're drips.
Huh?
I said they're drips.
Who are you to say?
For myself, that's who.
Well, shut up.
Nobody asked you.
Pardon me for livin'.
All right, get lost.
Not yet.
Get lost, I told you.
Hey, Tevery, get that newspaper guy, Ferrell, on the phone.
Tell him I want to see him here right away.
I got an idea.
You sure you ate already, Ferrell?
How about a scuttle or something?
No, thanks.
Have a drink.
No, thanks.
Well, okay, pal.
Want to ask you something?
Sure.
How much you make a week?
To quote you, how should I know?
Well, am I an accountant?
I love this guy.
What's your name again?
Ferrell.
No, no, no, I mean your regular name.
Paul.
All right, now listen, Paul, here's the layout.
I got a friend.
Nice kid.
I think you've probably seen him here before.
Billy?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, well, she's a good kid.
Only to tell you the truth, a little on the stupid side.
It's not her fault, you understand.
I got her out of the chorus.
In the chorus, she was smart enough.
But I'm scared she's going to be unhappy in this town, you see.
She's never been around with such kind of people.
Know what I mean?
No.
Well, I figure a guy like you could help her out.
And me too.
How?
Show her the ropes, sort of.
Explain her what goes on and all like that here in Washington, huh?
In your spare time.
What do you say?
No, I don't think I can handle it, Mr. Brock.
Means a lot to me.
Give me 200 bucks a week?
Well, all right, I'll do it.
When do I start?
Right now.
Why not right now?
Fine.
Come on with me, kid.
Let me introduce you.
You take it from there, hey?
Good.
Billy!
Ah!
Yeah.
Come on down here a minute.
She's a real good kid.
You like her.
I was getting dreaded.
It's all right.
It's all right.
He's a friend of the family.
Come on in, I'm telling you.
OK.
Honey, this is Paul Farrell.
Yes, I know.
He wants to talk to you.
What about?
You'll find out.
Sit down.
Well, I got a little work to do, so I'll have to be leaving you two.
Now, get together.
I'll be seeing you.
Your, uh, your friend, Mr. Brock, has an idea he'd like us to spend a little time together.
You and me, that is.
You don't say?
Yes.
Will you use some kind of jiggle-o?
No, not exactly.
What's the idea?
Nothing special.
He just wants me to put you eyes to a few things, show you the ropes, answer any questions.
I got no questions.
Well, I'll give you some.
Thanks.
Might be, might be fun for you in a way.
There's a lot to see down here in Washington.
I'll be glad to show you around.
You know the Supreme Court?
Yes.
I'd like to take that in.
Sure.
Where on, then?
How do you mean?
Uh, the arrangement.
I don't mind.
Got nothing much to do.
Good.
What's he paying you?
Two hundred.
He's sucking it.
Said he got more.
He's got plenty.
As a matter of fact, I'd have done it for free.
I would.
Why?
Well, this isn't work.
I like it.
He thinks I'm too stupid, huh?
I know.
He's right.
I'm stupid and I like it.
Well, you do.
Sure.
I'm happy.
I get everything I want.
Two main coats, everything.
If there's not my one, I ask.
If you don't come across, I don't come across.
Yeah.
So as long as I know how to get what I want,
that's all I want to do.
As long as you, as long as you know what you want.
Yeah.
What?
As long as you know what you want.
Are you trying to mix me up?
I know.
I'll tell you what I would like.
Yes?
I'd like to learn how to talk good.
All right.
Is it hard to learn?
I don't think so.
What do I have to do?
Well, I might give you a few books to start with,
and then if you don't mind, I'll correct you now then.
Go ahead.
Well, I know that is.
I don't talk so good myself.
You do.
Fine.
I never say ain't.
Did you notice that?
Never.
I do.
Well, I'll correct you then.
Since I was very small, I never say it.
We had this teacher shoot a slug at you, didn't we?
Did what?
Sitting.
Oh.
Dag it out of the habit.
You think it was worth the slugging?
Oh, not hard.
It's the principle of the thing.
There's too much slugging.
I don't believe in it.
All right.
I don't believe in it either.
Good.
I'm learning pretty fast, though.
You're great, Miss Dillon.
Billy.
Billy.
Sort of an odd name, isn't it?
What are you talking?
Half the kids I know named it.
Anyway, it isn't my real name.
Oh, what is?
Holy smoke.
Emma.
What's the matter?
Well, do I look to you like an Emma?
No.
You don't look like a Billy either.
So what do I look like?
To me?
Yeah, to you.
You look like a delightful girl.
Oh.
Let me ask you.
Are you one of these talkers, or would you
be interested in a little action?
Ah!
I got a yen for your ride home.
Do you get many?
Now and then.
What do you do about them?
Stick around.
You'll find out.
Wow!
All right, I will.
And if you want a tip, I'll tell you sweet talk to me.
I like it.
I like that delightful girl line.
Well, I better get a little.
Don't worry about him.
He'll see it, D. He's too dizzy from being a big man.
This is going to be a little different than I thought.
Um, you mind?
No.
It's only fair we'll educate each other.
I'm looking around my place for some books.
If anything interesting, I'll drop it by later.
All right.
You can drop it by even if it's not so interesting.
Hey, Paul.
Here, Mr. Brock.
Oh, good night.
And don't forget them books.
Oh, there you are.
Well, you two going to get together?
I think we're all set.
Right, great.
Appreciate it.
So do I.
Well, I guess I'll be going.
So long, kid.
Well, so long, Billy.
So long, kid.
Well, in days a glimpse is stuck in with loose
and it's something shocking.
But my lord knows, Karen, anything goes.
A superb, superb characterization,
Judy, darling, divine.
Now, one of you is selected by the AP
correspondence code as the best actress of the year.
Come over here and let's chat.
What about?
Why, darling, whenever an actress comes on the show,
we always have a talk.
Why?
Well, people expect it.
This is a big show.
Now, why do you hear for an hour and a half?
You know, if you didn't talk so much,
you could be home in a half hour like everybody else.
If you understand, darling, we want to talk about you
and I imagine Gar Canaan had you in mind
when he wrote the part of Billy Donovan yesterday.
You're so perfect in the part.
That voice.
Oh, that's all an act.
That's my stage voice.
This is my real voice.
Yes, of course, yes.
Just like you.
On the stage you're one person,
in the movies you're another person.
Don't you dare make it under any mother's program.
You don't like Billy Donovan?
The wrong name, darling, with the right initials.
You don't feel good.
Oh, I do fine, Judy.
I suppose I've become a little overawed at times.
This show has a very big responsibility.
Rehearsals, writing, direction, production, acting.
I pour everything into this program.
I devote all my time to this show.
You're single, huh?
Hey, girl.
I'm on a test, if that's what you mean.
You should be attached.
How come you're not married?
Nobody asked him.
My dear girl, I am probably the most
sought after woman in the world.
I can have my pick of the most eligible men.
Englishmen, Frenchmen, Italians,
Counts, Dukes, Earls.
They fought for me, whined behind me,
told me everything in the world.
Nobody asked you, huh?
I've had men chasing me for years.
You should have let someone of them catch up with you.
Obviously, my dear, someone's caught up with you.
I let them.
Hey, listen, maybe what you need is glamour.
You know what glamour is?
The Hengiz
You don't know, huh?
Darling, they call me the glamorous and unpredictable
Toulouse banquet.
Oh, what's unpredictable?
And I thought I had trouble with Mary Wilson.
Unpredictable, that's because people never know
what I'm liable to do or say.
I do and say whatever I feel like at all times.
So why do they say unpredictable when they mean crazy?
This is one holiday that I could never have observed.
Now, second thought, it should be under observation.
Julie, darling, I pray that Bournemouth is some of the greatest names in show business,
but never have I been insulted so painlessly, so effortlessly, so deeply.
To think a new young actress coming along to my little me
in front of millions of people.
The shame of it, the humiliation of it.
If you get married, you won't be so nervous.
Ah!
Oh, you know, that was indeed my darling.
I was just acting.
Oh, that's wonderful acting.
You go from laughing to crying to laughing to crying.
Yes.
Ah ha ha ha!
Oh, I wish I could do that.
Hey, you radio actresses are so good.
What?
Hey, maybe I could get you an audition on television.
Don't you dare mention that medium on this program.
Oh, Toulouse, I was just thinking.
Oh, excuse me, I didn't realize you were talking to someone.
Oh, give me a minute, this is Judy Holliday.
How do you do?
Nice to meet you.
Hey, I remember you.
You're the one who did the dance with the fans.
Don't you dare mention that name on this program.
You have been listening to Mary Wilson and the Big Kill auction call.
I'll be back in a moment as soon as I ring my chime.
This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.
The big show.
The Sunday night feature of NBC's All Star Festival is brought to you by the makers of
Panason for fast relief from pain of headache, neuritis, and neuralgia.
And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.
The big stars on this program are Fred Allen, Eddie Cantor, Portland Hoffa, Judy Holliday,
Gypsy Radio, and the Big Show.
Eddie Cantor, Portland Hoffa, Judy Holliday, Gypsy Rose Lee, Vaughn Monroe, Patrice Poncelle,
Meredith Wilson, and his Big Show Orchestra and Chorus.
And every week, your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, Delula Bankhead.
Well, darling, here we are with the Big Show, and this is our twelfth week.
And I'm just beginning to learn what a curious affair this radio business is.
And you see, darling, in the theater, there's a, well, there's a personal touch.
Well, they can get at you.
In radio, I've found that I don't always know what the people think of me, or of the show.
So, well, last week, I spoke to a friend of mine, and he volunteered to take a poll of listeners of Tommy.
Well, I figured I might as well. I'm not doing anything anyway.
Well, hello, Delula. I'm sorry I'm late.
I had a pocketful of nickels, and I tried to get over here by subway, but they've raised it to a dime, you know.
A dime to go down in that commuter's gopher hole.
I tried to call you, I tried to call you.
I tried to, I'm just laughing at some punctuation.
I tried to call you from a payphone, and they've raised that to a dime, too.
On the jukeboxes, I hear you calling me is now a dime, I find.
You know, I think that the government decided it's time to put the buffalo out the pasture in back of the men.
You mean nickels are going out of the carpet?
Well, the nickel seems to be semi-obsolete, Delula.
I went into a bakery the other day, and I found that they have changed the name of that bread to Pumperdine.
It seems they take a pumpernickel and slice it in two thin pieces, and that sort of makes...
I think, you know, I think that nickels...
Oh, well, it sounds exactly like a mean dime, but I'd love to talk about this at length.
But some time ago, I converted all my nickels to Confederate money.
Well, now, what about this toll you were taking from me, darling?
How did you know whom they are?
Well, Delula, I had sort of a master plan for a radio poll.
I called it the snooper.
I would look snooping down the street, I would look down the street, and only go into the houses with no aerials on the roofs, you see.
And that was quite tough, you said.
It worked out well for a while, until I discovered that half of the houses with aerials didn't have television sets.
These people had the aerials on their roofs so the neighbors would think they had television sets.
But what were some of the reactions, Fred?
Well, there was a young lady in Flushing, Long Island, who had a very interesting point of view.
I knocked at the door...
Yes?
Excuse me, madam, I am conducting a survey to discover listeners' reaction to Delula Bankhead.
See, look how funny he talks!
Well, this... that wasn't my real voice.
That was my stage voice.
This is my real voice.
You know, I would just like to ask you one question, miss, if I may.
Oh, no, I'm not answering no questions.
No?
Years ago I answered a question. I got myself a slob who's been sleeping in the Murphy bed ever since.
Now, look, please, Mrs. Murphy...
He promised me the world on a silver planet.
He promised me castles with cut glass chandeliers...
Holy rascal.
With marble stairs and gold faucets.
So where do I wind up?
Flushing!
Now, look, miss, I hate to get that train of thought off of your one-track mind.
But what do you think of Delula Bankhead?
Well, I'll tell you, I have a very definite opinion about him.
Well, that's very interesting, Fred, but what did he say about me?
Well, this is radio, Delula. I don't dare mention those names on this program.
What then, who else did you talk to?
Well, I met a rather interesting specimen of womanhood in Kew Gardens.
She was a Miss Lee, and she lived in a rather bare little house.
I stepped gingerly over the gypsy tea roses in her garden and rang her chime.
Bell ringing
Oh, hello. I'm sorry you had to wait so long.
I was just inside taking off my apron.
Oh, excuse me, my name is Fred Allen and I'm conducting a little poll.
Fred Allen? Are you the Fred Allen who used to be on the radio opposite Stop the Music?
Well, that is rather a clever way of putting it, miss, and the answer is yes.
There's something I want to ask you, Mr. Allen.
I do a radio show called What Makes You Tick. It's a quiz show, too, and I'd like to increase my rating.
Would you mind doing your radio show opposite mine?
I have.
I believe it. But I'm here to ask you about...
I'm here to ask you about Tallulah Banks here.
Oh, that's a better idea. Maybe she'd like to do her show opposite mine.
You see, I thought that if we could just...
Oh, I would just love to take that girl apart and see what makes her tick.
Well, Fred, it looks like I didn't do too well in your survey.
Well, Tallulah, I have been off radio for several years and I didn't make out too well either.
But there was one charming little house-frow in Jackson Heights who certainly deserves mention here.
She came to the door and answered my ring.
May I introduce myself? My name is Fred Allen.
Oh, Mr. Allen!
Well...
Hey, that's pretty tricky, Miss. You open the door and the neighbors applaud. It really does.
All the houses on radio programs have built-in applause, I've noticed.
Well, I'm conducting a little survey. Now, frankly, what do you think of Tallulah Banks?
Well, I don't care what anybody says. I like her.
That's quite a coincidence that you should ask me...
Yes?
Because I happen to be the president of the Jackson Heights Tallulah Bankhead Forever Fan Club.
The Tallulah Bankhead Fan Club?
Forever!
Well, that's Tallulah.
Tell me, what are the requirements of the members of the Tallulah Bankhead Forever Fan Club?
Well, we all fly Confederate flags in our cellars.
Confederate flags in the cellars, yeah?
And our password is a rebel yell.
Well, a shrill tribute to your idol, hey? Good girls. I know, I quote her as she knew about this.
At the last meeting of the Jackson Heights Tallulah Bankhead Forever Fan Club in Manhattan, we decided...
Now, wait a minute. Excuse me, Miss. The curiosity and a tight script.
We'll know what that means.
Help me to ask, the Jackson Heights Fan Club meets in Manhattan?
Only when we're not meeting in Forest Hills.
Oh, I see, I see.
Will you excuse my asking, but you have piqued my curiosity.
Curiosity killed a cat, but my curiosity has a peak. My curiosities are all different.
Tell me, why doesn't the Jackson Heights Fan Club meet in Jackson Heights?
Because all the girls come from Brooklyn, except one, and she comes all the way from Placid, and then I would say that...
Well, Fred, darling, I don't mean to question your integrity.
No.
But this whole thing is utterly ridiculous.
Really?
I don't believe a word of it, and I refuse to be guided by it. I don't think any of those people are representative of my radio audience.
Well, I can sample a few more.
No, no, absolutely not. I won't have it. Abandon this entire project immediately. Stop the service!
Please, please, Tallulah, watch your language. You mean my survey service to you is at an end?
Yes.
You want me to turn in my laugh meter and my iron foot with the chromium shin that I put between doors so people can't close them when I call?
You want me to turn in my gear and return to my rocking chair in the unemployment office?
That's right, Fred.
Well, this is nothing new to me, Tallulah. This is the second time a radio survey has put me out of business.
No matter what you now take for headache relief, we urge you to try Anisyn for the incredibly fast relief these tablets bring the next time you are suffering from a headache.
Now, the reason Anisyn is so wonderfully fast-acting and effective is this. Anisyn is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anisyn contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form.
Thousands of people have received envelopes containing Anisyn tablets from their own dentist or physician, and in this way discovered the incredibly fast relief Anisyn brings from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia.
So the next time a headache strikes, take Anisyn for this wonderfully fast relief. Anisyn, A-N-A-C-I-N.
Anisyn at any drug counter in handy boxes of 12 and 30, economical family-sized bottles of 50 and 100.
Well, I don't know what I would do without Fred Allen and the members of the Jackson Heights Forever Kalula Bankhead Band Club.
Or is it the Jackson Heights Kalula Forever Bankhead Band Club? Well, whatever it is, it leads, darling, to a very happy moment for me.
With us today is a great young talent of the Metropolitan Opera Company who received rave, rave notices recently for her acting and singing performance in Deep Sledermouth.
Anyone who cares to can join me in a little organization I'm forming called the Metropolitan Patrice Munsell Forever Fan Club.
And here is Munsell to sing the laughing song from Deep Sledermouth.
Look me over once, look me over twice, you will not remain in the dark.
Look me over once, look me over twice, and laugh at your own remark.
You'll quickly destroy, I think, my blood is as blue as your ink.
You'll find I'm well appointed, aesthetically-shy, then.
So look me over once, look me over twice, and laugh at your own remark.
A lady's maid upon my soul, excuse me, when nurse can cry.
What a bloomer, full of humor, Merry, merry, merry, merry.
What a bloomer, full of humor, full of humor, full of humor, full of humor.
So look me over once, oh, twice.
Look me over once, look me over twice, examine my line of mind fine.
Make a rendiment of my first embrace, appraising their red design.
You'll travel all over the globe, to find such an ear and a love.
And when you make a recap, over every recap, and see if they compare with what we know.
We thought your new life would be a wide marquee, though I'm a moat, a mannered elf, you've made me be beside myself.
What a bloomer, full of humor, merry, merry, merry.
What a bloomer, full of humor, full of humor, full of humor.
What a bloomer, full of humor, full of humor.
Bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo, Patrice Spencell. Come over here darling, I want to talk to you.
I understand they're doing some exciting new things over the Metropolitan Opera.
Well that's right, Tallulah. To get people more interested in opera, they're trying to make opera more like the Broadway musical theater.
You mean they're selling orange juice there now too?
Well they haven't gone that far.
No but I've heard darling, that they're starting to use Broadway actors at the Met.
Well of course that might open a whole new life for me.
Darling, I'm talking about the Metropolitan Opera, not the Metropolitan Life.
Just a minute, Patrice. You know of course that I sing.
Oh yes, I have your record of I'll Be Seeing You.
Oh yes?
I'll be seeing you.
Now to be honest with you, what do you think?
Well, I'll be seeing you.
Oh now Patrice, now don't you stop that too.
If they want Broadway people to even act, I can certainly do that.
And as far as my singing is concerned, well maybe you can help me darling.
Now just listen to this.
I'll be seeing you.
Then all the old familiar places that the part of mine embraces all day through.
Now tell me darling, what am I doing that's wrong?
Singing.
Oh isn't it sweet?
Look, pencil tonsils.
I wish you could have heard me when I sang at the Paramount Theater.
You sang at the Paramount Theater?
I most certainly did.
And don't think it's easy keeping up with that bouncing ball on screen.
Well I'll tell you what, Tallulah. I'd like to get an idea of your range.
Would you mind running the scale for me?
Oh I'd love to darling.
That scale is quite low.
I was all scaled for that low.
Can't you try it now an octave higher?
Not in this girdle darling.
I know what you mean Tallulah.
A really high note if it vibrates just right can actually split something.
Oh I don't believe that because I can't say no how.
What is your top note, Patrice?
I'm sorry Tallulah, I broke your glasses.
I don't care about my glasses darling, but you broke my diamond ring.
But singing and no singing are Patrice.
If they really want to modernize the opera, they're going to have to get the finest performance on Broadway.
Performance. Now take for instance, La Traviata, which is based on Juma's great play, Camille, The Lady of the Comedians.
Now you will agree darling that the scene in which Camille dies takes the artistry of a really superb dramatic accent.
Yes and that death scene takes the singing of a really great voice to give the scene its fullest dramatic effect.
Maybe, but I've always felt that when a person is dying he doesn't feel like singing.
Basically this is a spot for great dramatic actors who can adjust it to the immortal line like these.
Amon, Amon, you have come back.
Isn't it, Amon? Amon, I have lived, I love, and I will die by love.
Isn't it to me well? And not by death and sick, your father would not have written to return.
When I'm dead, Amon, all you shall retain of me will be pure.
If I live, there would always be change by my love.
Believe me, but God does.
He does well.
Open the drawer, Amon, and take out that locket.
It contains my portrait.
Days and the days when I was pretty, pretty.
I had it made for you.
Keep it. Keep it.
It will help your memory here also.
Do you hear, my Amon?
I don't die, but I'm happy to.
My happiness can heal.
I guess.
Oh, it's pain. It's pain.
I do not know for now.
Amon, I can live.
I love you.
I love you.
Oh.
Applause.
Just a minute, girls. I've been listening to this contest.
Oh, but please, do you know Judy Holliday?
Of course. Hello, Miss Dawn.
The name is Holliday. Judy Holliday.
How would you like it if everybody walked up to you and said, hello, Miss Flatamouse.
Oh, I'm sorry, Judy. I know just what you mean.
I certainly don't want to be typed as a singer who can only sing into Flatamouse
any more than you want to be typed as a girl who can only play Billy Dawn.
Well, that's exactly what I meant.
So from now on, please try to think of me as Billy Holliday.
I mean, Judy. Dawn.
But Judy, darling, what were you going to say before you interrupted yourself?
I heard you two talking about modernizing the opera.
Oh, yes?
The treat sang, and you did that coughing routine.
Oh, that won't bring people to the opera, you know. You need comedy.
Oh, well, darling, how do you get laughs in a dramatic scene like that?
It's very easy. I'll show you.
As the scene opens, we pan over to our hospital bed.
Listen, Armand. I have lived by love, and now I am dying of it, thanks to you.
You hear that cough, Armand? Armand, are you listening?
Armand, I'm coughing to you.
Armand! That's better.
Now go over there and open, open that middle drawer.
You're what's heavy so long.
Big strong man can't even open a drawer.
First Armand opened the top drawer, now open the bottom drawer, now the middle one will open.
Big deal.
Now take out a locket, pocket.
Keep it, keep it in my memory. No, no, no, I know I won't be getting no better.
I'm already beginning to sound like a lullaby.
How much worse can a party get? I'll be better off dead.
Here's a word from RCA Victor. Inch for inch, your best buy in television is RCA Victor 19 inch.
Yes, a great many American families have taken this advice and bought the thrilling RCA Victor 19 inch console.
Truly the most exciting buy in television.
When you set out to become an RCA Victor million proof television set owner,
remember that the set you choose will be the very hub of your home for years to come.
So select the model you really want most, and chances are that model will be the kingly RCA Victor 19 inch console.
Inch for inch, your best buy in television.
Your 19 inch set will give you in a great big way all the matchless million proof qualities of sight and sound
possible only to the world leader in electronics.
Yes, inch for inch, your best buy in television is indeed RCA Victor 19 inch.
And with it go wishes to you and your family for all the warmth and good cheer of million proof television by RCA Victor.
Here ladies and gentlemen is a young man you've all been waiting to hear, at least I have.
It's Vaughan Monroe and I'm just dying to hear what they say I sound like.
Vaughan Monroe singing, the night is young and you're so beautiful.
Applause
The night is young and you're so beautiful, here among the shadows, beautiful lady.
Open your heart, the sea is sad, the breeze is sing of it, can't you get into the swing of it lady.
When do we start, when the lady is kissable and the evening is true, any dream is permissible in the height of a fool.
The moon is high and you're so glamorous and if I seem over amorous lady, what can I do.
The night is young and I'm in love with you.
The night is young and you're so beautiful, here among the shadows, beautiful lady.
Open your heart, the sea is sad, the breeze is sing of it, can't you get into the swing of it lady.
When do we start, when the lady is kissable and the evening is true, any dream is permissible in the height of a fool.
The moon is high and you're so glamorous and if I seem over amorous lady, what can I do.
The night is young and I'm in love with you.
That was divine Vaughan Monroe, darling I've been a fan of yours for years, my favorite dance band has always been Vaughan Monroe and his Royal Canadian.
You're thinking of another guy, Lombardo for instance.
Oh excuse me darling, I'm so awfully sorry, I should have known of course Vaughan Monroe and his Pennsylvania.
This is getting a little wearing, I doubt if you've ever heard my band.
Of course darling, I was just joking, everybody knows Swing and Sway with Vaughan Monroe.
That's Sammy Case.
Connecticut Yanks.
That was Rudy Valli.
A&P Gypsies.
That was Harry Horlick.
Would you mind darling repeating the question?
There was no question, you started the whole thing, I didn't ask you anything.
I know Vaughan Monroe and his Californians.
That was a blammer.
Alright Vaughan, I give up darling, what is it?
Vaughan Monroe and his glamorous, unpredictable orchestra.
Ah, any sweet.
Well if you're not going to tell me I'll just keep on guessing, Vaughan Monroe and his rippling rhythm.
That's Sheb Field.
Well and my heart.
Well that's a matter of opinion.
Really?
I know I can think of it, well I better make it snappy because Eddie Candace, do you hear it any moment?
Oh Tallulah.
Now don't bother me Ed Hurley, ah hee ho.
I'm trying to think.
Well while you're thinking and trying to pronounce the holly hee, and while we're waiting for Eddie Candace,
I'd like to take just a moment to say that this portion of the program was brought to you by the makers of
Anison for fast relief from pain of headache, eritis, and neuralgia, and by RCA Victor,
world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.
Oh I remember it now Vaughan, Swedish music, this side of heaven.
That's Guylain Barlow again.
No darling, that's Tallulah Bankhead ringing her chime.
And saying we'll be back in a moment, and this is NBC, the national broadcasting company.
Music
This is the big show, and here is your mistress of ceremonies, Tallulah Bankhead.
Oh I wish Vaughan Monroe would give me one more chance.
Oh I think I know, of course Vaughan Monroe and his all-girl orchestra.
No, no I'm the one with the all-girl orchestra.
Yes you can't go.
Applause
Hello, hello Tallulah.
Oh hello Eddie darling, you look so wonderful, so young, and peppy, how do you do it?
How do I do it? Listen Tallulah, I was looking through Who's Who the other day,
and I noticed that both you and I were born on the same day, January 31st.
Oh, your birthday is January 31st too?
That's right, we're both January 31st.
Well who's going to ask who first?
Don't you dare mention that year on the program.
Personally I'm not sensitive about my age.
I remember the day I was born in 1917.
My daughter looked at my wife and said, you know mommy he looks just like me.
Oh it's nice to be standing here with Tallulah Bankhead, one of the first ladies of the theater.
I've been reading about her in Who's Who, and you know something?
She was the first lady in the theater.
Gosh, she's not young you know the kid.
Gosh I wish I'd been around in those days.
That was about the time another old-timer got his start, Fred Allen.
And it must have been fun to be in show business when Tallulah and Fred first sprang into the limelight.
In real days in the theater, imagine Sarah Bernhardt, John Barrymore, Lionel, Lionel and Ethel.
What have we got today? Dagmar, Howdy Doody, and Uncle Milti.
Fred and Tallulah were talking this morning about the days of rectors and Delmonicos when a good dinner cost you 90 cents.
Yesterday Ida told me that liver is now a dollar thirty-five cents a pound.
In the days of Fred and Tallulah, there wasn't anybody strong enough to lift a dollar thirty-five cents worth of liver.
Thank you, tax payers.
And the songs of that period, Gus Edwards wrote one of them and Fred taught it to me this morning, it goes like this.
By the light of the silvery moon, I want to spoon to my honey I'll soon love soon.
Honeymoon. The lyrics meant something in those days.
By the light of the silvery moon, what have we got today? Slam, bam, alakazam, zing zing, zoom zoom, whoop-dee-doo.
I heard a cowboy this morning on the radio sang a song called, Get off that hot stove, grandpa, you're too old to ride the rain.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the songs have changed.
Used to be a girl sang no, no, a thousand times no. Today the same girl says diamonds are a girl's best friend.
And in the old days, marriages meant something. When you said, I do, it was till death do you part.
The trouble with marriages today is while they're saying, I do, they're looking around the church to see if they can do better.
The old time was stuck to one wife. Look at Fred in Portland. Been married 23 years.
Burns and Allen. Burns and Allen have been married 20 years or more.
On June the 9th, Ida and I will celebrate our 37th year of wedded bliss.
A very happy marriage except for one thing, one little thing.
And it's not too late, you know.
If Ida's listening, I want to know Ida dear, when?
When are you going to learn to make a nice cup of coffee?
Yes, friends, things have changed since Tallulah and Fred got their start.
Life was less complicated. In their day, if you had a problem, if you had a problem, you talked it over with your family on the porch.
Now you discuss it with a psychiatrist on the couch for 20 bucks a throw.
And what clothes are? The clothes.
The clothes they wore back in those early days when Tallulah and Fred first started out.
The crinoline days, the hoop skates and the bustles.
They tell me that at one time women used to wear seven, eight, ten petticoats.
A fella got married to a girl, went on his honeymoon.
When his wife started peeling the petticoats, he didn't know whether he married a woman or an artichoke.
I wish I had lived in that time when men wore handlebar mustaches and the women looked like women, you know, hourglass figures with sand on both ends.
What have they got today? Plunging necklines, no sand at all, just beach.
The old days a man didn't dare to hope for more than a glimpse of a lady's high button shoes as she walked by.
But now, now he runs his eye over her like a Swede looking at a table full of smorgasbord.
And going to the beach, that was an occasion in those far off days.
A girl had to put on bathing shoes, black stockings, bloomers, shirtwaist, jersey, a hat and carry a parasol.
This morning in the Sunday paper I saw a nab for the very latest French bathing suit from the Riviera, a bottle of suntan oil and a zipper.
Oh, for the days when Emerson, when Emerson meant Ralph Waldo and not Faye.
But Tallulah, Tallulah and Fred didn't have all the fun.
There was another fellow in those days, a chap that Dixell put into his follies.
You may remember him. Came out in blackface with white-rimmed glasses and pranced up and down the stage singing.
How you gonna keep them down on the farm after they've been carried?
How you gonna keep them away from Broadway, jazzing around, hating the town?
How you gonna keep them away from Tom?
That's a mystery.
Imagine Ruben when he meets his car.
He'll kiss his cheek and holla, ooh la la.
How you gonna keep them down on the farm after they've been carried?
Applause
That is a deep bow to a master showman.
Oh, it was a pleasure being here, Tallulah.
By the way, you know Ida, Ida's been watching the show off stage back there.
And you can do me a big favor, Tallulah.
Who told you that?
No, I mean, would you do me a big favor?
You see, a few months ago, Ida appeared on my television show.
I gave her one line to read and she got it so mixed up,
they're still trying to untangle the cable from here to Kansas City.
Now, if I brought her out, would you kind of give her a few pointers on how to speak correctly?
I know to you it's me a child's play.
I should be giving Ida pointers in child's play.
No, no, no, no.
Well, it'll be a big favor, Tallulah.
I wanted to come back on the show with me,
but since she made that mistake, she's afraid, you see.
If you could give her a word of advice or encouragement, she looks up to you so.
Oh, that's very sweet, darling. Okay, Ida, I'll try to, huh?
Ida, Ida, come here, will you? Ida?
Ida, that Vaughan Monroe you're waving at, dear.
Oh, excuse me, Ida, here she is, here she is.
Applause
Ida, this is Tallulah Bankhead.
Hello.
Hello, darling.
Ida, Eddie tells me that when you were on the show with him a little while back,
that your annunciation was not as flawless as it might have been,
and you developed a sort of a new gothic inhibition about going back,
because of some faulty diction in your rendition of a line.
Huh?
You laughed up a joke on his program.
Just for one bad reading, you're not going back?
What sort of a trooper are you, Ida?
I tell you that if your husband wants you to go on that program with him,
your place is by his side.
You must never let one little line mix you up or keep you away from him.
There you see, Ida, and Tallulah knows.
She gave you some good advice.
Now say thank you very much and tell her you appreciate it.
Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
Ida, you did it, you see, you're talking fine.
Really, you are. Tallulah cured you. Thanks.
Well, I'm very glad you've been of service, Eddie,
and nice to have met you, Ida, darling. Good night, my sweet.
Good night. It's a pleasure to thank you, Miss Meathead.
Oh, fine.
Applause
Miss Stikeman.
Yes, Portland? What is it, darling?
The members of your Jackson Heights Tallulah Bikehead Forever Fan Club
heard Patrice Munzell say you couldn't sing in the opera,
so we have written an opera for you to prove you can.
Would you like to do it now?
Well, darling, we haven't much time. How long will it take?
Oh, it's opera length, and we thought since you have so many stars on the show,
they could all join in putting it on.
Mr. Monroe, Miss Munzell, Mr. Carter, Miss Holliday, Miss Lee, and Mr. Allen.
Well, what's your story about Portland?
Well, as the opera star, we see two hundred cowboys chasing each other all over the rain.
Music
Now gather round, folks, we've a story for you,
a drama of the West, bound in old buckaroo.
Come a tie-yah yippee yippee yay yippee yay, come a tie-yah yippee yippee yay.
This old buckaroo's got a daughter and a wife, he's lived in poverty all his life.
Come a tie-yah yippee yippee yay yippee yay, come a tie-yah yippee yippee yay.
Now that you know the buckaroo's been marked, come on, it's over, let the sale begin.
Come a tie-yah yippee yippee yay yippee yay, come a tie-yah yippee yippee yay.
Yee-hee!
Ma?
Yeah, little Judy?
I'm hungry, Ma.
You'll have little little Judy as soon as your Pa'll get back.
Where is Pa, Ma?
Well, he drove the cattle up to the city to sell them.
Why didn't we eat the cattle, Ma?
Well, they were too small to eat, little Judy.
Your Pa's selling them around pet shops for pecan-eaters.
Law, we never had bad times like that back east in Alabama.
Why did you move out here on the prairie, Ma?
Well, I'll tell you, little Judy.
When I was a girl of sweet sixteen, I was a village bear.
And the Chamber of Commerce that crowned me queen made me Miss New Rochelle.
Millionaires took me out every night to a show called A Cafe.
But I met your Pappy at a rodeo, and that is why today I'm an old coggers.
And my name is Pearl, I sack our guns, and a robot's world.
Once my beauty drove the men insane, I'm just an old hag living on to me.
And I'm starting to look like Marjorie May.
Give me eye, oh, pay eye, give me eye, oh, pay eye.
Well, Pa, you're back. You brought some vinyls?
Oh, I skipped a page. What's happening?
Well, that's my story. Come on, here, baby.
Well, that's my story, little Judy.
Ma, I'm getting hungrier.
Well, fine. Hold on, little Judy. I think I hear your Pa coming.
Whoa, whoa, baby, whoa.
Why, I saw you back. You brought some vinyls?
Uh, I heard you way up in the...
I made the same mistake at rehearsals, too. I did no better.
I heard you way up the road, ma.
No, I didn't bring no vinyls, ma.
I was in the pet shop dickering, and the cats stampeded my hush.
They all got away on me, ma.
Why, your family's starving. You come home empty-handed, Pa.
You and me is true.
Ma, you ain't saying we're through.
Ma, remember the first time we met?
Yeah!
Now, hush, little Judy, hush, now, hush.
Yeah.
If you two hadn't met, I wouldn't be hungry today.
Your ma and Pa has raised you, little Judy.
All I ever had to play with has been horses and cows.
So?
Till I was 10 years old, I was walking on old fox.
Well, you're up on your hind legs now, ain't you?
Yeah, well, maybe she's just sick of wearing harness for underwear, ma.
Now, looky here, little Judy.
Maybe your Pa ain't done a lot of things, but I made a home for you, didn't I?
A home?
You call this a home, here where rattlesnakes roam, and rain through the roof always falls.
No cellar, no doors, no windows, no floors, and buzzard scratch holes in the walls.
You call this a home on the rain, for beds we are sleeping on hay, no gas and no light.
You can tell day from night, and the bathroom is four miles apart.
I see you're home, Pa.
I've been rinsing you again.
Well, we ain't never paid no rent since we moved into this sty, and I ain't a-aimin' to start no new habits.
Hey, somebody's knocking high on the door.
Must be some bound horseback, folks.
Well, this mountain come in.
Howdy, folks. You remember me?
Why, who gone get you?
Our landlady.
Our landlady.
What a memory. You ain't seen me since I rented you this cabin.
That's seven years ago.
You owe me seven years' rent. One thousand dollars.
Oh, two gun gypsy, and I want no money.
Well, what's money? What is it?
I'm giving you the sundown to find out.
Well, I'll tell you, we'll get some money somehow, and we'll count it out for you.
Oh, you better be counting money when I count. Oh, you better be counting money when I count.
Or I'll pull my trusty trigger. You'll have mortis, you'll have rigor.
So you better be counting money when I count.
Well, gypsy, two gun, we'll pay you the thousand on one condition.
No, sir, no condition. I want my G and no strings.
Oh, we gotta get word our son Vaughn is calling.
Well, how can we get word to little old Vaughn? None of us can write more.
Well, now Vaughn is playing basketball in college. He's making plenty of money, Pa.
Oh, look Pa, that big auto just stopped at the door.
Say, some little dude is getting out of that auto. He's coming in here.
Well, welcome stranger.
Folks, I'm president of the RCA Victor Company.
What's RCA? Anything like DDT?
All the company makes phonograph records, and I'm looking for folk songs.
People today are crazy about old songs. Today every family that owns a Victrola is saying,
Oh, get out those old phonograph records, the ones they used to play so long ago.
Oh, they may sound scratchy, but they're really work-ish.
They just said, I love you so. We used to play them over and over, just to set the wedding day.
To get some portables, I bring my portables to melt your heart away.
With all those old records, those old phonograph records, the ones we used to play so long ago.
Now, that's what people want, the old songs. If you folks know any old western songs, you can make a fortune.
Well, you sure can use a fortune, please.
Yeah, but now only our boy Vaughn was.
Hey, Ma, somebody's riding up the trail. Look, it's a man and a she.
Well, how do you do, folks?
Mother? Peter?
Vaughn, my son.
Well, howdy, Vaughn. Who's the she?
This is my wife, Patrice.
Well, son.
Hello, folks.
Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am.
Vaughn, your debt comes just in time. That sum down your ma and me is getting evicted.
Is this little man here with a pop light putting you out?
No, no, no, no. I'm just here looking for songs. If your folks have any folk songs, I'll be glad to buy them folk songs from your folks.
Well, if he ain't had a song, we could pay the rent, son.
Well, Vaughn has a song. He picked it up at college. Let's sing it for him, Vaughn.
Okay.
I was waltzing with my darling to the Tennessee walls when an old friend I happened to see
Introduced him to my loved one, and while they were waltzing, my friend stole my sweetheart from me
I remember the night and the Tennessee walls Now I know just how much I have lost
Yes, I lost my little darlin' the night they were playing the beautiful Tennessee walls
I was waltzing with my darling to the Tennessee walls when an old friend I happened to see
Introduced him to my loved one, and while they were waltzing, my friend stole my sweetheart from me
I remember the night and the Tennessee walls Now I know just how much I have lost
Yes, I lost my little darlin' the night they were playing the beautiful Tennessee walls
The beautiful Tennessee walls
Great, great. That was great. This song will be a sensation on RCA Records, and here's your first royalty payment, $1,000.
Ah Vaughan, I know you saved your mournful.
Keepers, so this is money, eh? Where you can bend it? And I never knowed they had pictures on it, neither.
Come in.
Hey, it's two gun gypsy.
It's sundown, folks. I'll take my rent.
We got your rent, two gun gypsy.
Eh, but we ain't gonna give it to you.
Why not?
Well, now we got money we can afford to live in a better neighborhood.
Ma, little Judy and me and Vaughan and Patrice is moving. All Ma and me has got to say to you two gun gypsies is...
So long it's been good to know ya So long it's been good to know ya
So long it's been good to know ya You can't be no longer our home sweet home
And we got to be drifting along
So long it's been good to know ya So long it's been good to know ya
You can't be no longer our home sweet home
And we got to be drifting along Yes, we got to be drifting along
Well, folks, well, darling, we've had a lot of fun tonight, and we hope you'll be with us next week when our stars will be
Ray Bolger, Garrett Cooper, Danny Kaye, the Delta Rhythm Boys, Maxi Rosenbloom, Rudy Vallee,
Julie Wilson and others, and of course, of course, Mary Wilson and his big show orchestra and chorus.
And until then, may the good Lord bless and keep you for the near or far away.
Judy?
May you find that long-awaited golden day today, Vaughan.
May your troubles all be small ones, and your fortunes ten times ten.
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again.
Portland?
May you walk with that light shining and a bluebird in every tree.
Eddie?
May there be a silver lining back of every cloud you see.
Meredith?
Till your dreams were sweet tomorrow, never mind what might have been.
Fred?
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again.
Patrice?
May you long recall each rainbow, then you'll soon forget the rain.
May the warm and tender memories be the ones that will remain.
Till your dreams were sweet tomorrow, never mind what might have been.
May the good Lord bless and keep you until we meet again.
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet, till we meet again.
Good night, darling.