No business. For the next hour and 30 minutes, this program will present important, such bright stars as...
Uta Hagen
Jack Haley
Judy Holliday
Paul Kelly
Robert Merrow
Olsen
and Johnson
Marty Woolley
Meredith Wilson
And my name, darling, is Lula Bankhead.
The National Broadcasting Company presents...
The Big Show!
The Big Show, 90 minutes with the most scintillating personalities in the entertainment world.
Brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of NBC's All-Star Festival.
And here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, Lula Bankhead.
Well, darlings, I've been waiting for this moment so I could read you this wonderful fan letter I received this week.
The letter is unsigned, but I simply adore the person who sent it because he understands what I'm up against.
Now, I'll read it to you. It says, Lula Bankhead, National Broadcasting Company, New York.
Gentlemen...
I didn't notice that before.
Well, anyway, this is the record.
Every week, the announcer on The Big Show says, and yes, she is, the glamorous and undesirable Lula Bankhead.
This read much better without my glasses.
But to continue with the letter, a quote,
First they build you up as glamorous, and then they start describing you as something awful.
Now, would it hurt them to say that you're young and pretty? It's radio. Nobody can see you anyway.
Isn't that sweet?
How is it?
I wonder who wrote this letter.
Get her.
Judy Holiday!
Judy, darling, you wrote this letter. It was so sweet of you. I'm flattered that the star born yesterday would write me a fan letter.
I love getting fan letters.
No matter how busy I am with the show, you know, I always find time to read my fan mail.
Well, I spend half my nights just reading my mail.
Still single, huh?
Now, Judy, let's not get starved on that again.
Every time I see you, you start in about my getting married.
Right now, I don't want to get married.
What's the matter? There's a law against it?
I'm trying to tell you, darling, I like the life I lead.
There's a law against that.
Look, legal holiday!
Ah, yes, sir. I can see you, sir. It's nothing to me. If you want to get married, you're the one that's got to worry, not me.
Or is it not I?
It is not I.
Well, if it's not me and not you, then who?
Because if those are certainly not going to worry about it.
Honestly, sometimes you remind me of my friend Selma.
Who is Selma?
A girl.
No fooling.
None what ever.
That's her trouble.
For years, Selma was bothered by everything but fellas.
Look, darling, let's drop Selma.
Drop Selma? That was the slogan in the neighborhood, drop Selma.
If I ain't got so bad, she decided to go to the psychiatrist and he cured her.
Hey, you should go to the psychiatrist too, because you've got the same trouble she has.
All your problems could be summed up in one word.
Now what is that word?
Well, I don't like to say it.
Oh, go ahead and say it. What's the word?
Well, I guess it's all right. Who could be listening?
Your whole problem is a word that starts with S and ends with X.
S, X?
Oh, you mean?
Supplamation complex.
Darling, do you expect me to spend an hour out of my life every day lying on a psychiatrist's couch?
To tell him the truth.
My dear girl, he'd never believe it.
As a matter of fact, Judy, I went to the psychiatrist about, what, about three years ago.
Yeah, how'd it work out?
Well, he's just beginning to take a little solid food now.
Laugh, clown, laugh.
But the time is going to come when you'll need a man to take care of you, to support you.
Support me? Why, Judy, my friend, I have nothing to worry about.
I have a very large annuity that is going to mature in ten years.
Who won't?
Big deal, an annuity.
Will an annuity get up in the middle of the night when you're hungry and there's no food in the house
and it's snowing outside and go down to Delica, Tessa, and get your ham and Swiss cheese sandwich
on right toast, not too brown with plenty of mustard?
And a bottle of beer?
Do you think for one minute an annuity would do that?
Your husband does that, I suppose.
No, but he thinks about it for one minute.
That's more than an annuity will do.
Judy, you probably don't even know what an annuity is, do you dear?
Vaguely.
Well, an annuity is money you lay away for the future, you see.
It's money you save for a rainy day.
And with the annuity I've got, I've...
Now let me get this straight.
I'll be taken care of on plenty of rainy days.
How about the night?
Don't worry about my night, darling.
I'll never want an escort. I know many of an attractive male.
You mean fan male?
Well, I know one thing.
I'll need no husband to support me.
I'll be financially independent.
I'll be able to walk into Hattie Connigs, or Schiaparelli's, or Berghoff Goodman's,
and buy anything I want.
Yeah, but never into Lane Bryan.
Laughter
Well, Judy, you know what I think.
I think we can stand a little music now.
And here is Meredith Wilson with his big show, Ockerson Chorus,
in a stirring arrangement of Military Poker.
And you, beloved veterans of all the wars, some of your tunes are being here too.
Okay.
Put your arms around their shoulder when the orders shoulder arms.
Take a bow, burn, rip, bump the lady and her tar.
If her heart is your objective, you can win it right away
when they play the Military Poker.
To the right is the order and the dancer gaily twirls,
and it's left, bop, face, go, you face your neighbor's girl.
But you turn back to attention, love the order of the day
when they play the Military Poker.
See those military men in line, see their uniforms, their buttons all shine.
It's amazing how erect they stand and your heart begins to beat.
They get to beat to beat the band, and the band's terrific.
It's wildly, deeply great when they play for marching or when they sing a fake.
It's set, fall in, now the time, fall in line.
They're all set to begin.
Run the battle too.
the
See the military men in line, in their uniforms they're fighting for the shine.
It's amazing how free-spirited they play.
And you'll find that you're in love to stay when they play the military song.
Oh, thank you darling, that was simply divine.
And oh, by the way Meredith, would you come here a moment?
Yes, Miss Bankhead.
Meredith.
Darling, I've been meaning to speak to you for some weeks now about those revolting,
nauseating stories you tell about that remote little hamlet of yours in Mason City.
Iowa?
Yes, you-o-r.
Now look, my darling, I know that you're a wonderful musician and a fine composer,
and I simply adore you and a completely charming gentleman,
but I would consider it a great personal favor to me if you would stop telling those boring, nostalgic vignettes.
Now I hope you will accept this in the spirit which it is given, venomously.
Well sir, Miss Bankhead, anything you say.
After all, you are the boss man on this program.
Oh now, I don't mean to be nasty about it, Meredith, but I can prove you are dull.
It would be if I told stories about my home town.
Gee, would you, Miss Bankhead?
Well sir.
I remember once back in my home town, Montgomery, Montgomery, Alabama that is,
when I was 15 years old, one day I was riding.
No, I'd better not tell that man.
Oh, I remember when I can tell.
It was when I was 10 years old.
And I was walking in the, well when I was 2 years old.
Well you see, Meredith, we just have to draw the line somewhere.
Mason Dixon, that is.
Oh dear, we always seem to get back to Mason again.
Meredith, I guess you're just a country boy at heart.
Would you rather an ingenious way, ladies and gentlemen,
to blend into two distinguished stars of the theater, Miss Uta Hargan and Mr. Paul Kelley.
Miss Hargan and Mr. Kelley are reigning favorites on Broadway this season,
starring in a new hit play by Mr. Tifford Odette.
So darlings, here is Miss Hargan and Mr. Kelley in scenes from The Country Girl.
Country Girl is a story of a theater.
It is the story of a once brilliant actor named Frank Elgin who gets a chance to make a comeback.
It's the story of his wife, Georgie, who has tasted many a bitter moment with Frank in his journey downhill to failure,
but who somehow has kept the faith and who has not forgotten that when she married into the theater, she was just a country girl.
Our scene opens in a furnished room occupied by the Elgin's on Eighth Avenue.
Frank, after seven years of that work, has been given his chance to try out for the lead in new play.
As always, when a decision needs to be made, we turn to Georgie.
I can't do it, can I?
Doesn't it seem strange for you to ask me that?
You're my wife.
Frank, we've been through this before, many times before. I'm tired, Frank.
What happened? Where did I get so mixed up? I was the best young leading man in the business, not a slacker.
The scripts didn't come.
Oh, I knew it then. Out on the coast, I lost my nerve.
Then when we lost the money in 39, and after those lousy federal theater jobs, this is the face that once turned down radio work.
Whatever happened, I don't know what. But I'm good. I'm still good, baby, because I see what they think is good.
Don't you think I'm good? I think I'm good.
Then take the part. Make it your own responsibility, not mine. Take the part.
Don't wiggle and caper, Frank. Can't you admit to yourself you're a failure?
You'd die to save your face, not to fail in public. But I'm your wife. You have no face.
Try to be clear about this offer. Think.
I didn't hear him say he'd stall me.
I have a message for you, Frank. Take the part.
Yes, but what would you do if-
Just leave me out. Take the part and do your level best.
Well, what about that two weeks clause? You yourself-
All I tried to do was get a better deal. You won't get perfect terms.
You sure gave him a scrap.
Georgie, I'll tell you. That two weeks clause, they can give me notice anytime, but I can give them notice too.
They can let me out, but I can walk out any time I want to. If I feel I'm breaking my neck-
You can quit.
Yeah, that's sort of what I mean. You see? Get it?
Yes.
Two weeks clause. I don't even have to come into New York, do I?
Nope.
Well, say, what's wrong with that?
That's it. Two can play the same game.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I almost forgot. A quarter of seven this morning, I had a dream. I laughed so hard it woke me up.
A dream?
A big banner. Now get this. A big banner was stretched across the street.
Frank Elgin in. I couldn't make out. In what? Mayor LaGuardia was in the dream?
Lots of people. Feeling good. That's a sign.
I'm going to take that part, Georgie. Now you don't have to tell me not to dream.
Haven't I been a good boy all summer? Early this morning I got that funny laughing dream.
I was thinking of our lives, everything. And now this chance. I won't fail, Georgie.
All those people in that dream, they wish me luck. And that's what counts if the world is with you and your wife.
I don't have any appointment all winter.
That's what counts. I can't fail this time. I feel like Jack-o-Million.
I'll let God know. I'll go up to the office in person. But my first stop is the barbershop. I want the tons so real works.
And if you want me to bring you back. No. Then here's a kiss for you, dear. Catch that.
Oh dear God. Dear God.
The players opened in Boston. The notices are fair. New York seems a certainty.
But there are plenty of rough spots in script and performance is worth it.
They've been rehearsing all night. And it's almost two in the morning.
And Frank is changing in his dressing room as Georgie knits. Cold, depressing.
And there's plenty of tension. And nerves are beginning to fizzle.
Give me two more minutes, dear. I'm almost dressed.
Frank. Yes? Where's the other bottle? What other bottle?
I'm tired, Frank. Don't play peek-a-boo. Have you got another bottle of that cough syrup?
No, I don't. All right. Give it to me.
But I didn't buy another bottle, dear. I wish you'd believe me once in a while.
What a knife. What a knife. All the time there's been a clanging in my head. I don't know who's punishing who anymore.
I wish you'd take my word for something for a change.
All right. Never mind. I give up. I won't look. Now where's my knitting?
Georgie, I want to apologize. That director had no right to take that attitude.
He has the right to take any attitude. He's the only friend you've had in ten years.
Except in you, dear. And that's what I want, dear. The chance to show you how much I love you.
How much you need me, you mean?
Now, please, Georgie, don't be mad at me. I know I'm no darn good, but I'm worried to death.
You tell that to the director.
Think of what it means to me to walk out on that stage every night. The whole responsibility of the show is on my shoulders.
Tell that to the director.
Baby, I'm ashamed. I don't know where to hide. I don't know the old line. And tomorrow I get a big new scene.
Now you say you're going back to Leon. I can't do this if you don't help me.
I didn't ask for this part. Didn't he come to me? Weren't you there? They don't appreciate it.
Stop putting on a front.
Who's putting on a front?
You're putting on a front and you lie. You lie.
What do you want me to do? Wime and complain? Do you want me to make them hate me?
No, they'll adore you when you go off on a bender.
Who says on a bender?
Old waffle iron says the mop behind the door.
And this is how it ends. That laughing dream. You had a laughing dream five weeks ago.
I don't know anyone up here in Boston. Are you going back to New York?
I don't see why not.
You want to leave me, don't you?
It's late, Frank.
You do, don't you?
I want to go to bed. I may have a happy dream.
Who's in New York? What pair of pants are you looking for?
Frank, I warn you. I'm going to hit you with the first thing I lay my hands on.
Oh, company. None of them like me. Not even Bernie.
The director. How do I know he's going to keep me on?
If he act like a friend tonight, they all want me to fail. You want me to fail. You don't love me.
Come on, Frank.
All I've got is my two hands.
Well, use them. It's after 2 a.m. You have a one o'clock call.
If you're in such a hurry, there's the door.
I, as a matter of fact, may take myself a walk, get myself a big dapple and some milk.
Your cold is getting worse.
Let them worry about it. And I told you what you can do.
Oh, you want me to go? Is that what you want?
If you're in such a hurry.
Oh, the devil with it. Just the devil with it.
I'm going back to the hotel. You do what you want.
Sometimes I think you're playing out of your head.
Playing out of your head.
Do what you want.
Your cold is getting worse.
That's right. Walk out.
I got him alive.
That's typical. Typical.
Help me.
Sweetheart.
I wonder where that other bottle is.
Sweetheart.
Help me.
Country girl.
Through the harbour in Paul Kelly, I must tell you how much I enjoyed you just now.
You're really both truly wonderful. And I mean it.
And at the theatre when I saw you the opening night.
Thank you, Tilly.
You're very kind.
Oh, darling, will I ever forget that night that you two opened Country Girl.
What a brilliant affair that turned out to be.
I was so happy for both of you.
I was wearing my new black dress and my pearls.
Oh, gosh, not my real pearls, as you understand.
My real ones in the vault.
It's all these.
And then sure, you know, the art these days is just ridiculous.
But I did have the dress made for that opening.
The dress particularly made because I wanted so much for Clifford Odette to have another hit on his hands.
I appeared in Clifford Odette's play, you know, that he wrote some years ago called Clash by Night with Joseph Schilkart.
Joseph, you know, from that wonderful play, The Green Bay Tree, which has closed.
That's the same play.
And no, truly, it's the same play that opened 15 years ago with Laurence Olivier.
And I needn't tell you how wonderful I think Larry is.
Of course, why they should have brought over his wife Vivian Leigh from England to play Scarlett O'Hara when I was around all the time.
It's something I will never understand.
But who could have played Scarlett O'Hara better than this little Alabama Country Girl?
Oh, by the way, it was the play I started to tell you that you were so wonderful then, darling.
She sure went a roundabout way to get to that, didn't she, Paul?
Well, you don't think they pay you on this program just for acting.
Well, let's go then.
Oh, I'm just waiting around for my money.
Oh, I had very good seats at the opening. You know, I was sitting in the very first row. Did you see me?
Yes, sir. We heard you very well.
Well, darling, the whole audience was just talking to the play because it presents such a provocative problem.
I mean, the story of a famous actor who tried to make a comeback in the theater, and when he found out he couldn't, he took the drink. Isn't that it, Paul?
Something like that. Some actors, when they find their failures in the theater, take the drink. Others take the radio.
Laughter
No! Yes. Yes.
Well, now, Udra, in The Country Girl, you played the part of a wife who was struck by her man for ten years while he's been drinking, and then when he gets his chance to come back, he doesn't take advantage of it.
It seems to me that from a psychological standpoint, I wouldn't put up with my husband drinking for ten years. I'd walk right out and leave him.
Look who's talking about leaving her husband.
Laughter
Judy, I wish you'd stay out of this.
Excuse me, but first you've got to find a husband before you can leave him.
There's happened to be a play with psychiatric undertone you wouldn't understand.
I wouldn't understand. I know all about psychiatrics.
Who told you?
Freud, that's who.
Freud? How do you know about Freud?
Everybody knows about Freud. These days everybody's nervous.
You've got to be a little crazy, otherwise you go nuts.
Laughter
I still stick to my story. If a woman has stood by her husband who's been drinking for ten years and running a light, she has a perfect right to walk out on him.
I think Udra should have walked out on Paul.
Who?
You and Paul, that's what we were talking about. Oh my dear, haven't you met Udra Hagen? Surely you've heard of his great actions in the theater.
Oh, Udra Hagen.
Laughter
How you do? To lose a talk's kind of peculiar.
Laughter
I didn't understand your name.
Sure, I know the name of Udra Hagen as well as I know Tennessee Williams.
Laughter
But I didn't know you and Paul were married. How long's he been drinking?
Laughter
Judy, Judy, they're in a play. Paul drinks in a play. The drinking we're talking about is hypothetical.
That's the worst kind.
Laughter
It's in the play, Judy, that Paul portrays a husband who drinks and Udra is the wife who continues to live with him.
But why shouldn't she? But you wouldn't understand that. You're not married.
You know, Paul, she has a point there.
Yes, and it looks nice on her.
Laughter
No, I mean Judy has a logical argument.
Well, yes, a person who's not married would find it difficult to understand the problems involved between her husband and wife.
That's nice. Hey Paul, you're not as drunk as they say you are.
Laughter
How would Tallulah know if she'd leave her husband? She's a single girl.
Oh, nonsense, Judy. There's certain things you feel. I don't have to sit on a hot stove to know that it'll burn me.
Laughter
So if you want to sit on a hot stove, sit.
Laughter
There's no skin off my nose.
Laughter
Applause
Music
You have been listening to Here Comes the Springtime, played by Meredith Wilson and the Big Show officer.
We'll be back in a moment with Judy and Uta and Paul, and our other stars, Jack Haley, Olsen and Johnson, Monty Woolley and Robert Merrill.
Now it's time for me to ring my chimes. This, darlings, is NBC, the national broadcasting company.
Music
The Big Show. This is the national broadcasting company, Stunnedy Extravaganza, with the most simulating personalities in show business.
The Big Show, the Sunday night feature of NBC's All-Star Festival, is brought to you by Chesterfield, the cigarette that has, for you, mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste.
The cigarette that brings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, and by the makers of Anisyn, for fast relief from the pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia.
And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.
The big stars in this program are Uta Hagan, Jack Haley, Judy Holliday, Paul Kelly, Robert Merrill, Olsen and Johnson, Monty Woolley, Meredith Wilson and his Big Show orchestra and chorus.
And every week, your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, Tallulah Bankhead.
Music
Glamorous and unpredictable. Why do they keep saying that? I am not unpredictable.
I can't for the life of me understand why they got the idea in the first place. I mean, for instance, rehearsals end at 10 o'clock, I show up at 10 o'clock, I am either no, it's at 10 o'clock in the morning too.
And they say I'm unpredictable because I don't read the script exactly as it's written. Why that's absolutely nothing. I read every line in the script. I even read between the lines.
Unpredictable indeed. I've been on the show for 16 weeks and I haven't missed a single performance.
Why I even showed up one week when the audience wasn't even there. Wasted a whole Monday.
Unpredictable my eye. But now I want you to meet a gentleman who is never unpredictable because everything he's been in has been a success. He's been in every phase of show business. Vaudville, musical comedy, motion picture, radio, television.
So well known in New York, Hollywood and Fort Knox, Jack Haley.
Now just a minute, Tallulah. What's with that Fort Knox?
Well darling, it's no secret. Everybody in show business knows you have a lot of Jack. Jack.
Yeah, and everybody knows you got a lot of move, Tallulah.
Well I would have darling, but taxes weren't so high.
Taxes? Oh, I got a way to beat the taxes.
You have? How?
I'm not going to pay him. I'll just go to prison for 10 years.
Oh, what a darling idea. I wish I thought of that. I could have saved so much money.
You pay a lot of taxes, Tallulah?
Oh, that's awful. I mean I'm still paying for 1947. That was the biggest I ever had. My income tax alone came to $560,000.
Five hundred and sixty thousand? You made all that money in one year?
Oh, I didn't make anything that year, darling. I couldn't get a player anything. I laid off all year, but a bunch of us girls were sitting around the stock club making our income taxes.
Helen Hayes and Katie Hepburn and then Fontaine. And when I saw the salaries they were filling in, well, I wasn't going to let them chop me.
When I put down $1,700,050, I wish you could have seen their faces. Of course it'll take me 20 years to pay the taxes. But it was certainly worth it just to see their faces.
Well, that's one way to beat them, but my way is cheaper. Still, you know what they say, Tallulah? Money isn't everything.
Who says that?
People with money.
Well, yes, Jack, I suppose you're right. I think health is more important than money. Oh, by the way, darling, I did read in the papers last week that you'd been ill.
Yeah, that's right. I hadn't been feeling very well for about six weeks. It had me worried. I stayed up until five o'clock every morning trying to figure out what was wrong with me. And I finally figured it out.
What was it?
I wasn't getting enough sleep.
Well, you feel better now, Jack. I mean, did you see a doctor?
Sure. The doctor examined me.
Well, what'd he find?
Five hundred dollars. He told me I had to drink a lot of water every day.
Whoa! How costly!
But I'm looking forward to a vacation this summer after I get through with my television series for the Ford dealers. And I think I'll go out to California. I've got a little house out there on the beach.
Oh, that sounds divine.
Well, last summer it wasn't so divine. I was walking on the beach one day and a lobster bit one of my toes.
Oh, really? Which one?
I don't know. All those lobsters look alike to me.
Oh, I love the beach, Jack. We were out to Hollywood just three weeks ago with the show, you know, and it was warm enough to go to the beach every day.
I created a sort of, well, mild sensation there with my three-piece bathing suit.
Three-piece bathing suit? What's the third piece?
Oh, that's the big piece. The label.
Do you know what would be a wonderful relaxing thing for you to do, Jack? Take an ocean voyage to Europe. I mean, you can visit France or Italy.
And oh, how about Ireland? You're Irish, aren't you? Well, you must have lots of friends in Ireland.
Well, my friends used to be there, but now it's all changed. I'll tell you about it.
I don't have to go to Ireland. I'll visit there no more.
It's sad, but I'm not lonesome for the sight of Errand Shore.
For all my Irish playmates, all of my friends so good, have gone and got them settled in a place called Hollywood.
I shook hands with Barry Fitzgerald and also Frank McHugh, had lunch with Vic McClaggen and Jimmy Cagney, too.
When I get to the depot, I never heard such din as the cries from all the Collines when they saw R.L. Flynn.
I visited Pat O'Brien, stopped over to Gordon McCray, had a nip with William Gargan, and one with Mike O'Shea.
At night there was a party, and I was glad I went, because I met the whole Miss Booker at the home of Georgie Brent.
There was Margaret O'Brien, Virginia O'Brien, and Edmund O'Brien, with Paul Robert Ryan and Leo McCary and Stephen McNally, all gathered there for this gala affair.
There was Rory Galhoni with young Mickey Rooney, Roddy McDowell with Alan O'Paul, Freddie McMurray, who left in a hurry to meet Dennis Morgan, who couldn't be there.
George Murphy came in with a great picture, Lely said, was a gift from that dancing Dan Daly.
Then Dennis O'Keefe made a speech, it was brief, he said, here comes the floor show to brighten the place.
There were songs by McCanter and jokes by O'Bennie and toasts from McJessel, who comes from Kilkenny.
The show had a topper, it was Heddo Hopper, who wore a new hat made of shamrocks and lace.
Oh Sullivan and O'Hara, those lovely two Marines, Marie and Jeanette McDonald, two other sweet Colleen's.
John Regan and Morton Downey joined voices in a song and everyone was dancing, even Cassidy Hopped along.
So now you know the reason I don't miss the Blarney Stone, for with all those Irish movie stars, I'll never be alone.
Oh God bless you and keep you Joel McCrae.
Applause
And now ladies and gentlemen, here are two divine friends of mine from Hollywood, who are off on the road to tobacco, Bob Hope and Bing Crosby.
Say Bing, you got a minute?
Oh sure Bob, I got all the time in the world.
Don't tell me you own that too.
Never mind that stuff, get to work with it.
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So open a pack, give them a smell, then you'll smoke them.
I was talking a little while ago about being unpredictable and now I want you to meet a couple of gentlemen who really are unpredictable.
If you've ever seen them in a theater in Hells a Poppin' and Sons of Fun and some of their other great hits, you'd know what unpredictable means.
I refer of course to Osen and Johnson owning Chick.
Applause
Well, where are they? How unpredictable can you get? Come on fellas, up to the microphone.
We don't wanna.
What do you mean you don't wanna? You're not gonna sit there all through the show and read a script.
You've gotta stand up if you want to give a performance. Put your all into it.
Do what?
Put your all into it.
We've got our all into it when we step down.
What are you saying? That's no way to talk on this show. Why don't you tell her why we're sitting here? I guess I'd better do it.
You see Miss Bankhead?
I see Miss Bankhead. How can you miss her?
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Stop that. You know, this is a high class show.
A big pardon?
I say this is a high class show.
Yeah, I noticed. I noticed they don't hold the script on their bare fingers.
No.
They use a fork and a knife.
Very funny indeed.
Fork and knife, that is why we expect our guests to give a sterling performance.
Sterling performance, do you hear that? Sterling.
I don't get it.
You see Tallulah, we came here prepared to do an act. But we're, you know, we're in a kind of a jam here because, well, with the kind of an act we do, we're under kind of a handicap.
And no talent, darling.
Well, we wanted to start off even with our holsters.
You know, we came here wanting to do something, but they didn't surprise us with the necessary props.
Oh yes, of course I know. In the theatre, you're a big hit with plants growing out of flower pots, people trying to get out of straight jackets and funny looking costumes and things.
But this is radio. Your comedy is visual. You know, sight.
What?
I said your comedy is sight.
Yeah? You're a pretty funny sight yourself.
Now, Chick, that's no way to talk. Now apologize to Miss Bankhead. Say you're sorry.
I'm sorry you're a sight, Miss Bankhead.
No, Chick.
A sorry sight?
No.
A mess.
Now wait a minute, will you stop? Miss Bankhead, I'd better explain what my partner means.
Well, if anyone can explain it, I guess you can. How long have you two been partners?
Thirty-five years.
Yes. How long have you two been partners?
Now look here, Costello.
Hey, Chick, I'm warning you. You better stop it. This isn't Milton Berle. You can lick him.
But you see, Miss Bankhead, in the theatre, we know exactly what kind of comedy to do.
Oh, I've seen your show many times, darling. And as I say, most of the things you do are visual, not the radio.
I mean, they belong in that other medium, the name of which for the murder escapes the sheep.
The sheep didn't?
Now listen, but it's not all visual. We have a sort of a loud rocker show with a lot of big noises.
Yeah, so I'm the only big noise around here.
Yes, I know. But in the shows we've done on Broadway, we've been, you know, a big hit. We kill the audiences.
How can you miss with all those guns you keep shooting off?
Well, if you boys were ready to do your act, load up and I'll toss out the earplugs.
No, but that's just it. They didn't give us any props.
Props?
Sure. We need fifty automatics, twenty colts, a half a dozen machine guns, and a dozen anti-aircraft guns for the balcony.
And thirteen weeks of basic training, no doubt.
No, we'll need more stuff than that, chick. We'll need, let's see, two cases of seltzer, twenty-five coconut custard pies.
A hamburger.
A hamburger?
I'm hungry.
We'll need some pails of water, a wagonload of bricks, four swords, and a gorgeous blonde girl about eighteen years old.
What else are you going to do with her?
Oh, yeah? We'll think of something.
What are you thinking, gentlemen? Ed Hurley, he has a word to say.
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Well, Mrs. Oatesman and Johnson, did you think of anything you can do on our show?
Well, not yet, Tallulah. We're still working on it.
Sure, we got something we could do. Wait a minute.
What do you mean?
Let's do the bit we did in Peoria with June and, you know...
Wait a minute. We can't do that here.
Sure, we can.
Nah, it's so messy. She won't stand for it.
Sure, she will.
I tell you, no.
Now look, boys, suppose you let me decide. What is it you want to do?
Oh, it's something from an old act of ours. Chick used to sing a song.
Yes, with the right side of my mouth I sang,
Life is just a ball of cherries.
And with the left side of my mouth, I used to sing,
In the shade of the old apple tree.
And the middle of your mouth just stands there and does nothing, I suppose.
With the middle of my mouth, I spit out the pits.
Now look, the snake pits.
I'm sure that must be a nourishing and fluid display of talent,
but this is the big show.
Okay, I'll do it with watermelons.
Now, Chick, will you drop that idea?
We'll think of something else, Kalula.
Not so incongruous to the decorum and dignity of this talented melons,
which is foregathered here on this podium.
That's what I said. With the middle of my mouth, I spit out the pits.
Okay, Apple Knocker, simmer down.
Do you mind if I go on with the rest of the show, darling?
No, no, that's all right.
Oh, thank you. You're so sweet.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present...
Hey, Chick, you know she's pretty nice?
Oh, yes. She's a good skate.
Oh, why shouldn't she be? They used to have an ice show here.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present...
She must be one of the figure eights that was left over.
She looks like she made the eighth the hard way.
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present two fours.
I mean, I would like...
Would you two gentlemen try to keep quiet? I'm trying to learn how to make that.
Oh, I'm sorry, Talula.
You don't worry us. Go right ahead.
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like now to present a young man
whose magnificent voice is currently filling Metropolitan Opera Goers,
a man who graciously consented to rejoin us two weeks earlier than he planned
because of the illness of Mr. James Melton.
We're honored to have Mr. Robert Merrill back on the big show tonight.
Will you stop it, Chick? How do I know how much money she makes?
Quiet, you two!
Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Mr. Robert Merrill.
Applause
Oh, Bob, darling. I'm so glad you were able to be with us this week.
You're very kind, Talula.
You know, I sang in your hometown a few weeks ago in Montgomery, Alabama.
Oh, that's right. You did sing there.
I remember because I wrote some of my schoolmates and told them you'd be there.
Yes, I know. I met them all.
They're the nicest little old ladies.
Laughter
Old ladies?
You must have met the mothers of my schoolmates.
Oh, no. These little old ladies were the children of your schoolmates.
Laughter
That's an insult. It's too involved for me to figure out.
But what did you sing for them, Robert?
Well, the song they requested was Di Provenza.
Di Provenza. Oh, I'd give anything to have heard it.
Do you want me to sing it now?
Would you, darling? Would you sing it for me?
I'd be glad to.
Oh, good. Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Merrill is singing Di Provenza from La Appriviata.
Oh, for goodness sake, Olie, wait a minute.
How do I know what picture it's from?
I think it's from Confessions of the Nazi Spy.
Laughter
Quiet, Robert. Sing, you two.
Di Provenza.
Quiet, I said, quiet.
You sing, Robert. Don't mind them.
The turners, you know.
Laughter
Music
Di Provenza, al mare il suor, I dol cor di cancello, I dol cor di cancello, Di Provenza, al mare il suor,
All'attio fulgente sol, Qual destino ti purò, Qual destino ti purò, All'attio fulgente sol,
Ora menta pur nel duolo, Vivi gioia che brillò, E che pace con la sol, Su te splendere ancora può,
Dio mi guida, Dio mi guida, Dio mi guido.
Music
Ma il tuo vecchio genitor, Tu non sai quanto soffri, Tu non sai quanto soffri,
Il tuo vecchio genitor, Che lontano, disque allora, Il suo tetto si copri, Il suo tetto si copri, Disque allora, disque allora,
Ma se alfin ti trovo ancora, Se in me speme non falli, E la voce dell'onore, Ti a piedi non amuti,
Ma se alfin ti trovo ancora, Se in me speme non falli, Dio me saudi, Dio me saudi, Dio me saudi.
Dio me saudi, Ma se alfin ti trovo ancora, Ti trovo ancora, Dio me saudi, Dio me saudi.
Music
Bravo! Bravo, Robert Merrill! Oh Bob, that really was divine. What a great voice.
And what heart you put into your singing. I could stand here and listen to you all night.
Do you want me to sing another one? Over my dead body.
After all, darling, I am on this show too. But tell me, Robert, I understand you now have a new hobby.
You collect antique automobiles, don't you? Oh yes, Jimmy Melton started me on this.
I now have 40 antique models. Oh, I love old cars.
What a long way automobiles have come since those early models.
Hey, Tallulah. Yes, Judy, darling, what is it? Oh Bob, you know Judy, it's holiday.
How do you do? How do you do? Hey, Tallulah, can I speak to you a minute privately?
Why, certainly. Excuse me, just a moment. What is it, Judy? What is it?
Why are you talking to him about old cars? Oh, Judy, you don't understand, darling.
Robert Merrow collects antique models. So put in a plug for yourself.
I think that was mean of you and that's an ad lib.
Look, Judy, this is Bob's hobby, old cars. So who is he, Madman Merrow?
Make up your mind. What do you want, an old car or a used husband?
Oh, Judy, Judy, Judy, let's get off that subject. I happen to be interested in cars. I like driving.
So why don't you show a little more interest in parking?
After all, what's so romantic about old cars if you talk to him about singing?
Well, I did talk to him about singing. What do you want me to do, sing something to him?
Why not? You know a beautiful love song?
Well, I know. Give my regards to darling, yeah.
Give my regards to...what are you trying to marry, a fella or an orange juice stand?
Why don't you sing a song like those smart supper club chanteuses sing?
The kind that sings with a beautiful soft music and then breaks all the people's hearts telling how she got did.
Judy, darling, what do you mean?
I'll demonstrate. Thank you.
I can see no matter how near you'll be, you'll never belong to me.
But I can dream, can I?
Can I pretend that I'm locked in the bend of your embrace?
For dreams are just like wine and I am drunk with mine.
Yes, Marvin, my dreams were just like wine and I was drunk with mine.
But what was your excuse, Marvin?
Especially that first night when you took me home and you turned out all the lights because you said you freckle so easy.
There we sat in the dock, you and I and my father.
Three cigars in the dock.
And then, then you started taking me out to all the best places, the best bowling alleys in town you took me to.
How romantic it was, us thumbs touching over a bowling ball.
And all the games you won for me, I let you win, Marvin.
And it wasn't easy, you were such a lousy bowler, Marvin.
And dancing, how you used to love to dance.
The minute we get into the house, you rush over, you turn on the radio, and there we were, Marvin, in each other's arms, dancing to H.V. Cowdenball.
And oh, I'll never forget the first time you proposed to me and the second time when you proposed marriage.
You said, you said, say the word that will make me the happiest man in the world.
And I said, yes.
And you said, that's not the word.
And I said, oh Marvin, don't you know what's in my heart?
And you said, left ventricle, right ventricle, left oracle, right oracle.
That's when I took the hint, Marvin.
You didn't want a wife, you wanted a surgeon.
I can't make you open your heart, but I can dream, can I?
Here's a word from RCA Victor.
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Well, darlings, we still have to hear from Monty Woolley and Judy and Jack Haley and Olsen and Johnson and Robert Merrill will be back in just a moment, along with Uta Hagen and Paul Kelly.
But first, we should give our stations a break.
You're right, Tallulah.
And I want to say that this portion of the program has been brought to you by Chesterfield, the cigarette that has, for you, mildness, with no unpleasant aftertaste, the best cigarette for you to smoke.
By the makers of Anisyn, for fast relief from the pain of headache, urethritis, and neuralgia.
And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.
And now if you'll ring your charming chimes, Tallulah.
Thank you, sweet, you're sweet.
This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.
This is the Big Show.
And here is Tallulah with another guest.
Ladies and gentlemen, what more need I say, Mr. Monty Woolley.
What sort of an introduction was that?
Need you say more?
You certainly need say more.
And you will say it exactly as I wrote it for you this morning in my fine Spencerian hand.
Woolley, I warn you, I will not tolerate any of your tempestuous outbursts.
My dear woman, I have been sitting here for more than an hour trying not to listen to this array of minor buffoons.
You have somehow managed to assemble here, including the antics of Olsen, Jackson, and Durante.
And that used car salesman whose hobby is a monstrous catawallie which he calls singing.
And that Hibernian gentleman who brought over his relatives from Ireland and set them up in Hollywood
and shattered the swimming pools to say nothing of the whining mulelings of that infantile blonde, Julius Holliday.
And now you dare to disfress me with a one-line introduction.
Monty, darling, I won't lose my temper because you've lost yours.
But you see, this is radio. Every moment counts.
Are you going to presume to tell me about radio? I have a radio program of my own.
Really, darling, I didn't know. What sort of program is it?
Thirty minutes of sparkling adult comedy every week.
Thirty minutes?
My darling, my program is ninety minutes.
Yes, I understand. But if you gathered up a few of your dangling participles
and mended a few of your split infinitives, you could do this program in thirty minutes.
And you can find yourself using the single negative instead of the double negative.
You could do this program down to fifteen minutes, which itself is twice as much talula as anyone should be asked to bear.
Now just a minute, Buster. Relax. Loosen your beard.
I was wondering how long it would be before you resorted to that.
Obviously you would use a barb like that.
Obviously you could use a barber.
My problems are tonsorial. Yours are tonsilectomy.
My dear, you're so good.
I was just trying to imagine you as a member of that aftershave club.
I wasn't nominated for membership, but I declined when I heard that you were a member.
Why, you pale imitation of Gabby Hayes.
Gabby Hayes? You dare compare an artist of my standard with Gabby Hayes?
Gabby Hayes is every inchy actor you are, and he rides a horse besides.
Talula, if you are not familiar with accepted rules of etiquette on how to treat a guest,
you can at least have a little respect for age.
Oh, Marty, that's the nicest, sweetest thing that's been said to me on this program.
I mean your age.
Now take it easy, Marty. I remember you when you were only a moustache.
Now, compare me to Gabby Hayes. You forget, woman, that I have seen you in the theater.
And?
Well, I suppose you are an actress of sorts.
Of sorts?
A stylist, perhaps.
A stylist? May I remind you that I am renowned for my dramatic reception, my comedy timing.
Critics everywhere have agreed that my timing is second to none.
Yes, the timing of the shrew.
This woman there, whose only claim to fame is that he is known as the male Talula Bankhead.
Well, that's funny. I always thought you were.
Oh, darling, you kill me.
It'll be a pleasure.
Oli, Oli, why do you keep saying he's not her father?
I told you, chick, nobody can be that old and still be alive.
What makes you think he's alive, darlings?
Well, well, well, whom have we here? Hamacher and slumber?
Oh, excuse me, Marty, excuse me. These are Olsen and Johnson who have been sitting here trying to think of an act they can do.
Have you thought of anything yet, boys?
No, have you?
What do you mean?
Well, I noticed you don't have an act either. All you've done is stand up there and insult that nice gray-haired old gentleman.
The funny part of it, he doesn't have an act either.
I laugh. Talula, I'll be in my dressing room shaving. If I'm unfortunate, I may cut my throat from ear to ear.
Oh, Marty, stop losing your head, darling.
Now look here, Olsen, and you too, Johnson, I do have an act.
And if Marty will join me, we can do a scene from one of his greatest Broadway and Hollywood successes, George Kaufman and Moss Hart, the man who came for dinner.
Marty, will you join me, darling?
Would my contract permit me to say no?
Well, what's the scene about, Talula?
Well, if you remember, the man who came to dinner is the story of Sheldon Whiteside, the noted write-in lecturer who breaks his legs as he is about to leave the home of his dinner host and is confined to their home for several hilarious weeks.
As part of the plot, he calls upon an actual friend of his in London, Lorraine Sheldon, to come to his aid.
Lorraine is beautiful, chic, worldly, sophisticated, glamorous...
And unpredictable.
Which part do you play, Talula?
She refuses to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate her.
Now come on, Talula, enough of this asinine mummery. If we're going to do this bit, let's get it over.
This will show you whether I can act or not.
I will alter all of you with my talents as an actress and my magnetic personality.
Yee-gahs double jeopardy.
Meredith, darling, some man who came to dinner. Music, if you please, sir.
Music
You're a tortured face. Ah, let me kiss you, you poor darling. Your eyes have a gallant compassion.
How drawn you are. Oh, Sherry, my sweet, I want to cry.
All right, you've made a very nice entrance, my dear. Now relax.
No, Sherry, darling, I've been so worried and now seeing you in that chair.
This chair fits my fanny as nothing else ever has.
I feel better than I have in years and my only concern is the outside world, so take off that skunk beard and tell me all about it.
How are you, my dear?
Oh, darling, I'm so relieved that you look perfectly wonderful. I never saw you look better.
Oh, my dear, do I look correct? I just dashed through New York.
Didn't do a thing about Christmas. Dropped into the furries, of course, and had my hair done, got right on the train.
And the Queen Mary coming back was simply hectic. Fun, you know, but something exhausting.
I mean, Jacques Whitney and Cary Grant and Darned Faso. Fun, you know, but too exhausting, darling.
Of course, darling, before that was so magnificent, my dear. But I simply never got to bed at all.
Oh, darling, I'm so much excited. I don't know where to start.
We'll start with the date first, dear. That's what I want to hear.
Well, now let me see. Civil Cartwright was thrown right out of Searow's, you know.
She was wearing one of those new cellophane dresses, you know.
And Harry Montrose, the painter, is suing his mother for disorderly conduct.
Well, it just shocked everyone to death. Oh, and before I forget, Anthony Eden told me he's going to be on your New Year's broadcast, Sherry.
And he said, for heaven's sake, not to introduce him as the English Grover Whelan.
Oh, and Beatrizilla gave me a message for you.
She says, for you to take off 25 pounds right away and send them to her by parcel vote.
She needs them. I'll pack them on ice.
Now come, dear, what about you? What about your love life, if you'll pardon the expression?
Sherry, dear, your son knows it.
What about that splendid bit of English mutton, Lord Bottomley?
Haven't you hooked him yet?
Sherry, please, say that he's a dear friend of mine.
Hello, Blossom Girl, this is Sherry. Don't try to kid me.
Don't tell me you wouldn't like to be Lady Bottomley with 100,000 pounds a year and 12 castles.
By the way, has he had his teeth fixed yet? Every time I order a roque-fa-cheese, I think of those teeth.
Sherry, you really are too nauseating.
Cedric may be not brilliant, but he's rather sweet for lamb.
And he really is deeply fond of me, and he does represent a kind of English way of living that I like.
I mean, Surrey and London, the Seasons, Shooting Bucks and Scotland, that lovely old castle in Wales.
Well, you were there, Sherry, you know what I mean.
I do indeed.
Oh, really, Sherry, why not? I mean, if I marry Cedric, I don't know why I shouldn't.
Oh, shall I tell you something, Sherry?
I think, I think from something he said just before I sailed, that he's finally coming around to it.
Oh, it wasn't definite, mind you, but don't be surprised if I am Lady Butterly for very long.
Lady Butterly, won't Kansas City be surprised?
Oh, I shall be a flower girl and give the groom an iron toothpick as a wedding present.
Come on now, head. Come on, Blossom, let's hear some more of your skullduggery.
Oh, but Sherry, what about this play after all? I've come all the way from New York, even on Christmas Eve.
Oh, I've been so excited ever since your phone call. Where is it? I mean, when can I read it?
Well, here's the situation. This young author, his name is Bert Jampus, brought me to play with the understanding that I said to Kit Cornell.
Well, it's a magnificent part, and Lord knows I feel disloyal to Kit.
Oh, Sherry.
There you are, there you are. Now, I've done this much, the rest is up to you. He's young and attractive.
Oh, what does that have to do with it?
Now, just how you go about persuading him, I'm sure you know more about than I do, my dear.
Darling, how can I ever thank you? Does he know I'm coming? I mean, this beautiful young man.
No, no, no, no, no, you're just out here visiting me. You'll meet him, and that's that.
Get in and take you out to dinner and work around to the play.
Good heavens, I don't have to tell you how to do these things. How'd you get all those other parts?
Sherry, please!
Well, I'll go back to the hotel, darling, and get into something more attractive. I just dumped my bag and rushed right over here, darling. Oh, you're wonderful.
All right, all right, now run along and get into your working clothes, and come right back here and spend Christmas Eve with Sherry, and I'll have that beautiful young man on tap.
By the way, I've got a little surprise for you. Who do you think's paying me a flying visit tonight?
None other than your old friend and co-star Beverly Carlton.
Really? Beverly? I thought he was being glamorous again on a tramp steamer.
Oh, come, come, dear. It mustn't be bitter just because he got better notices than you did.
Oh, silly, Sherry, I never read notices. I simply wouldn't care to act with him again, that's all.
Well, he's not staying here, is he? I said, hope not!
Temper, temper, temper, now he's gone. Where'd you get that diamond clip, dear? That's a new bit of loot, isn't it?
Oh, haven't you seen this before? Well, Cedric gave it to me for his mother's birthday.
And she was simply furious. Oh, look, darling, I've got a taxi outside. If I'm going to get back here, I must fly.
Well, fly away, Blossom, but don't fly too high. If you drop any of that loot you're carrying, you're up to brain somebody.
Hey, uh, Cholula? Yes, Jack, darling, what is it? I'd like to take a crack at that man who came to dinner.
Oh, there he is, darling, take a crack at him. No, I mean, I'd like to act that part in the play.
Well, go right ahead, Jack. Oh, would you like me to play the part opposite you? Oh, no, I've got a leading lady.
Oh, really? Who? Me, that's who. Oh, a beauty holiday. Go right ahead, my sweet. Set the scene, Jack.
Okay, as the curtain rises, we find Sheridan Haley sitting in a wheelchair with his leg in a cast.
That's the original cast, of course. The door opens and his girlfriend comes to visit him.
Hello, Sheridan. How's your leg feeling? I'm sorry, I broke it.
Oh, it's coming along all right. How's your neck feeling? I'm sorry, I broke it. Oh, it's still broken.
And you know? It's broken. I'm all broken up over you. Well, it's your own fault, Sheridan.
You should have kept your hands to yourself. Didn't you hear me say stop? I thought you were talking to the taxi driver.
What have you got in the package? I've grown you some fruit, half a banana. Gee, thanks.
Well, what's the dirt? That's what I want to hear. Well, I just dashed up here to the Bronx from Flatbush
and the crowd was simply exhausting. All those men pushing and mauling. It's fun, you know, but exhausting.
And who should duck under the same train star with me but Jake Whitney? Fun, but exhausting.
And next Saturday night he's taking me to Calootsie's for some ravioli. Or is it ravioli for some calootsie?
That sounds like it might be exhausting. It was fun. Have another banana. Thanks.
I don't like you running around with other fellas while I'm sitting here with a broken leg.
Well, what do you expect me to do? Just because you've got a broken leg, should I sit around the hot house broken?
I mean, heart broken? Really Sharon, you fractured me.
Well, you fractured me first. Besides, we're engaged. I'm breaking the engagement.
Well, you broke everything else. Have you got another fellow? Oh, I've got my choices to me.
The butch skill is Tiger Collins and Lord Bottomley. Lord Bottomley? Yeah, Lord Bottomley.
He pounds me 250 pounds the day we get married. He's holding out on you. He weighs 290.
He's a rich millionaire. All he does is sit around and clip coupons. Sure, he wants to get an encyclopedia.
I don't know why you won't wait for me. We'd be very happy. We'd get married, buy a house, settle down,
and have five or six children. And if that doesn't work out, we'll try something else.
It sounds like fun, but exhausting. I couldn't marry you, Sharon, because Lord Bottomley represents a foppish way of life.
A townhouse on Ocean Avenue, a summer season at Far Rocker Way, the pictures box in Epic Fields for the shootings,
and that lovely old white castle for hamburgers. But how about me? But Sharon, you're all broken up.
And Pops is so hard to get these days. Yeah, well, I'm getting up and getting out of here right now.
Sharon, be careful. Watch out for that banana peel. Sharon! Oh, I broke my other leg.
Hey, Oli, here's a chance to do our act. There's an actor with two broken legs. Well, what are we waiting for?
You fooled, not me, him!
Music
Well, darlings, this just about brings us to our good night. Night, Tallulah. Oh, Bob Merrill.
Thanks so much for dropping in, sweetie. You're really divine. Oh, by the way, Bob, if you're dining alone tonight,
I just don't happen to have anyone that I... Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Tallulah, but I do have a previous dinner date I made about three months ago.
Three months? How previous can you get? Well, good night, Bob. Oh, Jack, Jack Haley. Good night, Tallulah.
Oh, Jack, darling, it's been so nice. Are you having dinner anywhere particularly? I just happen to be alone.
No, I'm just going back to my hotel room and have something light. You see, I'm on a bland diet. Sorry.
A bland diet, yeah. Well, good night, Jack. Good night, Tallulah. Oh, good night, Jack. And you too, Oli.
Oh, it was fun, wasn't it, fellas? Shall the three of us go out and celebrate? Well, we have a date, Tallulah.
And here she is, Uta Hagan. Oh, Uta, you look charming, my sweet. I haven't seen you since you and Paul Kelly appeared in our first act.
Going out with the boys now? Yes. Why don't you come along, Tallulah? I think with these two wild men, I'll need a chaperone.
Chaperone, indeed. Good night, darling. Oh, that's Paul Kelly. Paul, if you wait a moment, I'll go along with you.
I don't think you're better, Tallulah. I'm going over to the Luxor Bath.
Good night, Paul. Go ahead, Tallulah. There's one more.
I know, Judy, but oh well, what can I do? Monty Woolly. What are you doing for tonight, for dinner? Eating.
And I want to ask Judy if she'll eat with me. Come, child. Your English is atrocious. Maybe I can help you.
You will be my galatea, and I will be your pigmalian. Okay, piggy, let's go.
Well, I never knew I could empty a theater that quickly. I'm just doing great.
Well, how glamorous can you be? I'll get even with them all. I won't eat in the dinner. Nobody seems to want me.
Oh, Tallulah, don't say that. Oh, well, darling, my big show chorus.
All the men who run the hundred and eighty NBC stations want you. They've just voted you and this program the most progressive step in radio in many a year.
Really, darling? And as for us, Tallulah. What?
My darling, my darling, I've wanted to call you my darling for many and many a day.
My darling, my darling, I flattered and fled like a starling.
My courage just melted away.
Now all at once you kissed me, and there's not a thing I'm saying enough to say.
There's nothing to say except, my darling, my darling,
Get used to the name of my darling, get used to the name of my darling, get used to the name of my darling, get here to stay.
Thank you, my darling.
Well, next Sunday, we have another Star-studded list of guests,
including Fred Allen, Clive Brooke, Portland Hoffer, Frankie Lane, Ethel Merman, Herb Schreiner, Margaret Truman, and others.
And of course, our very own Meredith Wilson and the Big Show Occupant Chorus.
And until then...
May the good Lord bless and keep you.
By the near or far away, Judy?
May you find that long-awaited golden day today, Paul.
May your troubles all be small ones, and your future ten times ten.
Jake and Ollie?
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again.
Meredith?
May you walk with sunlight shining, and a bluebird in every tree.
Jack?
May there be a silver lining back of every cloud you see.
Monty?
Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrows, never mind what to might have been.
Uta?
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again.
Bob?
May you long recall each rainbow, then you'll soon forget the rain.
May the warm and tender memories be the ones that will remain.
Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrows, never mind what might have been.
May the good Lord bless and keep you until we meet again.
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet, till we meet again.
Again.
Good night, darlings, and Godspeed to our armed forces who hear these broadcasts each week all over the world.
Listen to The Big Show next Sunday at this time when our guests will be Fred Allen, Clive Brooke, Portland Hopper, Frankie Lane, Ethel Merman, Herb Schreiner, Margaret Truman and others,
Meredith Wilson and The Big Show Orchestra and Chorus, and of course every week your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bankhead.
The Big Show is produced and directed by T. Engelbach and written by Goodman Ace, Selma Diamond, George Foster, Mort Green, and Frank Wilson.
This is Ed Hurley, he's speaking.
And we're going up to Harris, head and joy head of Hopper Show on NBC.