You are about to be entertained by some of the biggest names in show business.
For the next hour and thirty minutes, this program will present in person such bright
stars as...
Joan Davis.
Bob Hope.
Ben Johnson.
Groucho Mar.
It's your pincer.
Jimmy Wallington.
Meredith Wilson.
And my name darlings is Tallulah Bankhead.
The National Broadcasting Company presents the big show.
The big show.
Ninety minutes with the most scintillating personalities in the entertainment world.
Brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of
NBC's All Star Festival.
And here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bankhead.
Well darlings, the big show is in Hollywood this week.
And it's amazing the difference in the people on the two coasts.
Now here everybody looks so healthy and invigorated.
Back east everybody looks so pallid and investigated.
Well the first thing you notice out here is how suntanned everybody is.
They all look as if they'd just come back from Florida.
Laugh kids.
Back in New York, everybody looks so pale as if he'd just come back from Mexico.
Tune in tomorrow for another episode of Just Plain Bill O'Dwyer.
Here's that pushy Bob Hope.
That's all?
Well thanks.
Thanks, that's all.
Down, down, down.
Thank you.
How about that?
Well Bob.
I just submitted the Silla Ripple applause over in that corner.
Thank you, thank you.
They really want me, don't they?
They certainly do baby.
Look Bob darling, could I borrow that sweater you're wearing that lights up and says applause?
If you do you'll get twice as much as I do.
Now tell me Toulou.
Laugh.
Tell me Toulou, what are you doing here in Hollywood?
You're a little off your beat aren't you?
Oh darling, my beat is pretty near everywhere.
Yeah that's what they say everywhere, Toulou is pretty beat.
Laugh.
Bob, please remember, you're only on this show because we couldn't get Maury Amsterdam.
Laugh.
Now what is that?
Oh a plug, what do you get for that?
A case of Maury Amsterdam?
I only asked why you were in Hollywood because I thought you were out here to make a picture.
Well don't think I haven't been asked.
I know you've been asked but I'm talking about pictures.
Laugh.
Now what's so special about making pictures?
Laugh.
I'll give it to you again Bob.
What's that?
Now what's so special about making pictures?
Just like all the other stars out here, you're so stuffy about the picture business.
Oh well you're just jealous that I'm a leading man in pictures and you're not.
Laugh.
Say did, did you see my last picture?
I hope so.
Laugh.
Cad.
Say, but if you haven't seen my latest opus, The Lemon Drop Kid, why don't you come over
to the house tonight, we'll have dinner and then I'll show you the picture.
I'd rather die.
Laugh.
In that case, come after dinner.
Laugh.
You sound so bitter about the motion picture business, you should make a movie to Lula.
They're talkies now you know.
Is that an offer darling?
You mean they're talkies now you know.
I mean, you mean you and me?
Well why not?
You made a picture called My Favorite Blonde and you made another My Favorite Brunette.
How about making a picture with me?
My favorite plaid.
Laugh.
Isn't he sweet.
Robert Hope.
Or My Favorite Baritone.
Bob, you're making this program a mess.
Oh, I change your formula after all these weeks.
Laugh.
But look to Lula, if you're really serious about doing a picture out here, the thing
for you to do is to get a good manager.
I have a manager.
Well tell him to get you a job in pictures.
I have a woman manager.
Well tell her.
And then get a good publicity man to get you into the columns.
I have a publicity woman.
Okay, and you should get yourself a good lawyer to draw up your contract.
I have a lawyer.
She's very, very good.
Why don't you send them all over to see the Warner sisters?
Laugh.
Darling Bob, I don't have to go knocking on any door to get into pictures.
I'm very well known on every lot in Hollywood.
And some of the homes too.
Laugh.
I'm talking about the movie lots.
The last time I worked on a lot, everybody was amazed at my drive.
I was hitting on all six.
I had plenty of get up and go.
I didn't put on the brakes for one minute while I was on that lot.
Sounds like a used car lot.
Laugh.
I didn't go around knocking on doors in those days.
Doors meant nothing to me.
I didn't care if they said president, vice president, treasurer, ladies, gentlemen.
I walked right through them.
Laugh.
I'm leaving before the place is pinched out.
Laugh.
Now come back here Bob.
How about the song?
Song?
I can't sing.
Where's Gary's old man?
We were supposed to sing a song together this week.
He needs me now, you know.
I boost him over the high notes.
Laugh.
Well, Mr. Crosby begged off this week's show.
He's indisposed.
He hasn't been well for a couple of weeks.
It's something internal, I believe.
Yeah, internal revenue.
Laugh.
I understand last March 15th he coughed up a lot of money.
Oh, so that's where he hides it.
Laugh.
He's the only man who wears his money bell on the inside.
Laugh.
Well, he has a lot of business projects, hasn't he?
Has he?
He happens to be the exclusive West Coast distributor for money.
Laugh.
Not only does he work all the time, but he has a son working for him too.
Between him and that boy Gary, they got more money than the government.
You heard their record Uncle Sam's song.
Laugh.
Well, now how about the song you're going to do, Bob?
Well, it's the song I did once with Crosby.
If he's not here, I can't do it.
Why not?
Laugh.
You mean?
Who else?
Laugh.
You sing?
And how?
Well, okay.
Let's go.
Laugh.
Get a load of this dialogue.
Now, one of this show takes an hour and a half.
But, to lose.
Laugh.
You got more to say?
But, to lose.
I don't know.
Laugh.
That's the funnier mic.
I like to lose.
Laugh.
I don't know if you can do this song.
It was written for Crosby and me.
You won't fit the lyric.
Well, let's try it maybe.
I will fit some of the lyrics.
Okay, here we go.
I don't care where I'm going just as long as I'm with you.
Put it there, pal.
Put it there.
I'll be just like your old toupee.
I'll stick to you like glue.
That doesn't fit me.
Put it there, pal.
Put it there.
I'm glad you're fooling just a field and stealing all that loot.
I hear your show on radio and some are kind of cute.
Until they sign up, Gary, you just have to substitute.
That doesn't fit me.
You're faithful and you're fair.
Put it there.
You've got that something in your voice like sawing logs in half.
That does not fit me.
Put it there, pal.
Put it there.
I think your jokes are great.
It's just that folks would rather laugh.
Put it there, pal.
Put it there.
Your face should make a fortune, just your nose should make a lot.
I like the way you wear those gaudy colored shirts you got.
The only time a rainbow ever covered up a pot.
That fits you.
We make a plenty pal.
Put it there, pal.
The only time a rainbow ever covered up a pot.
Now put it there.
Say, you're doing okay, Toulouse.
How about the two of us teaming up?
We'd make a great trio.
You mean me and you?
Oh, that's the idea, but the billing is wrong.
You mean you and me.
I'll accept that.
The two of us together would be great for radio.
Put it there, pal.
Put it there.
It's time that you got rid of being
he holds you back, you know.
Put it there, pal.
Put it there.
We'd do a married couple show
and call it Stormy Stripes
with funny jokes
and tendencies about domestic life.
But you'd sound like the husband.
Well, you'd make a darling wife.
You'd wear the slacks in the family.
You'd wear the girdle and that fist.
We'd make a perfect pair.
Put it there.
My colleague.
My crony.
My cohort.
My friend.
Companion.
Confederate.
Lad fistbuster.
We'll be chums to the end,
just like meat and potatoes.
Or sauce and tomatoes.
Boy, what a brand.
Don't put it in the paper.
Don't put it on the air.
Don't put it in your pipe.
Put it there.
And now, darlings, it is time to be
welcomed to Metro-Golden-Mare's
handsome young star, Mr. Van Johnson.
Van Johnson appears now on the big show
in a scene from Metro-Golden-Mare's
fine new picture, Go for Broke,
which again combines the talents of the team
that made Battleground,
Doris Sherry, Robert Parrish, and Van Johnson.
Go for Broke is the story of a valiant
and much-decorated unit of the United States Army,
the 442nd Regimental Combat Team,
made up exclusively of volunteer American
citizens of Japanese ancestry,
known as Nisi.
Go for Broke, titled after the motto
of the 442nd, a crapshooting phrase
meaning,
it's the story of a heroic infantry outfit
and the story of a young cartoon leader
in the outfit from Texas,
Lieutenant Mike Grayson, who found out the hard way
that he was privileged to be one of the fightingest,
most elite in the entire American army.
Here is Van Johnson in the role of
Lieutenant Mike Grayson in the forthcoming
Metro-Golden-Mare, Go for Broke.
Over hill, over dale, angry hill,
the dusty trail for the capelots
were rolling along.
The 442nd United States Infantry Regiment
was born at Camp Shelby, Mississippi
by order of President Roosevelt.
The order read,
the proposal of the War Department
to organize a combat team consisting of
loyal American citizens of Japanese descent
as my full approval.
The principle on which this country was founded
and by which it has always been governed
is that Americanism is a matter of the mind and heart.
Americanism is not and never was
a matter of race or ancestry.
Sir, Lieutenant Grayson reports for duty.
Addy is lieutenant.
Welcome to Camp Shelby.
Thank you, Colonel.
Is this your first assignment since receiving your commission?
Yes, sir.
Well, Lieutenant, it's a rough one.
We're short of officers, short of equipment,
short of everything but trainees.
They're coming in by the carload.
This is a brand new outfit, a new kind of outfit, Lieutenant.
No precedent for it except one battalion
was activated in Hawaii, the 100.
They haven't been put to the test yet.
What do you think of this idea, Lieutenant?
Sir, I'd like to make a request.
Yes, what's that?
I'd like your permission, sir, to put in for a transfer
to the 36th Division.
You see, sir, I'm from Texas.
How's that got to do with it?
The 36th is an old Texas National Guard unit.
I've been in it ever since I got in the Army
until they sent me to OCS.
I took it for granted I'd go back to the 36th.
Any objection to working with the kind of troops we have here?
Because they're Japs?
Oh, no, sir, it isn't that at all.
Let's get a couple of things straight, Lieutenant.
You're staying here, you got that?
Yes, sir.
Second, they're not Japs.
They're Japanese Americans, knee-safe.
Or as they call themselves, Buddhaheads.
All kinds of Buddhaheads, Lieutenant.
From Hawaii, Alaska, California, New York, Colorado.
Yes, some from Texas.
They're all American citizens and they're all volunteers.
Any questions?
No, sir.
That will be all.
Wait a minute, you.
How long have you been in the Army, soldier?
Oh, let me see now.
Maybe I've been staying sad about two, three months.
How long have you been staying sad, Lieutenant?
Don't you know you're supposed to hold your salute
until the officer returns it?
Oh, sure, sometimes I forget.
Sometimes you forget to say sir, too, don't you?
Yes, sir.
Is that your own uniform?
Sir, that's the smallest size he got, the supply sergeant.
Sir?
Well, rub a little sleeves down.
Straighten out your leggings.
Bye-bye, sir.
I see the supply sergeant again, sir.
He gonna get me a smaller size.
Maybe, I hope, sir.
You better see somebody before I see you again.
I'll see you at the park.
Hey, break him up.
The officer, he come.
Must be the one for us.
Oh, boy, eight feet tall and mean like anything.
Well, the honeymoon's over.
Here he comes.
What was that that man just said?
Excuse me, sir, I don't know.
You don't know?
Sorry, sir, I don't speak Japanese.
Bakatari.
I didn't know what that meant in those days,
and I guess it's just as well.
I gave those guys a pretty bad time,
taking it out on them because I was stuck
in what I figured to be a third-rate outfit.
All I prayed for was to get back to the Texas 36th,
but we gradually got ourselves whipped into shape,
and by the time we hit Italy and began to see action,
I began to change my mind about those Buddha heads.
They were real tough boys,
almost as good at GIs as you'd expect a soldier with out of Texas.
We got our baptism of fire in Italy,
and after a couple of months,
I thought we had as much fighting as any outfit could take.
Then we were shipped to France for more of the same.
But I wasn't kicking because in France,
we met up with my old Texas outfit.
And then something happened that seemed almost too good to be true.
I finally got my transfer.
But a funny thing happened.
I started missing those Buddha heads.
It was weeks before I ran into them again
in a little French cafe.
Hello, Lieutenant.
Tommy!
Say, you're looking great.
Hello, Lieutenant.
Say, and when did you get those stripes?
They don't care who they make platoon sergeant anymore.
Oh, it's so good to see you.
I'll buy you around the drinks.
Sorry, sir, we won't have time.
Okay.
See you around.
They still didn't care for me too much.
Well, I couldn't blame them.
I was still a Baccatari to the Buddha heads.
That night, my outfit went back on the line
up on a hill in the woods.
We were making for the top, but the crowds were there,
and pretty soon we were pinned down, but good.
We were surrounded, cut off.
The artillery observer got hit and I took over.
Wildcat 6, this is Wildcat 2.
Fire mission over.
Fire mission point.
Fox, Able, Easy Baker, Mike, Charlie, and point.
King Sugar Charlie, Love Able, Howe.
What's that?
The 442?
Oh, now you're talking.
Hey, Colley, how do you like that?
They're sending us the 442 to get us out of this.
442, you mean Japs?
They're a great outfit, Colley.
Yeah, yeah, practically winning a war single-handed.
Look, if we got to depend on Japs...
They're not Japs.
They're Nisei, Buddha heads.
To me, they're Japs.
I'm warning you, Colley, one more crack out of you.
Hit it!
We sweated it out for hours with no Buddha heads.
I went out with Colley to see if we could make contact.
We couldn't see a thing in that pine forest, but we made contact with something.
Kraus, come on, let's get out of here.
We haven't got a chance, let them have it.
Pour it on, I'll take a look.
The Japs!
Hey, knock it off!
Stop firing!
What's the password?
The password is the same as the one in the
back of the car.
Come on, come on, what is it?
Wait, I remember.
Dempsey Dole.
That was it last week.
Let's have that password or we'll fire.
One, two, hunk of die!
Come on now.
He can give you the right password.
Ever hear a Jerry try to pronounce a Japanese word?
If that's not a Buddha head, I'll kill the boy.
Look who's coming.
A whole battalion's lost and we've got to find Grayson.
Oh, man.
Never thought I'd be so happy to see a bunch of Japs.
Pardon me, I mean Japanese.
I mean, I mean, Nisi.
No, that ain't it.
What is it, Grayson?
Buddha heads.
Okay, okay.
We hit the ground.
This time we were sure it was Krauts.
Must be a hundred of them up on the hill.
Yeah.
Hey, what is it they call you?
Buddha heads?
That's right.
Oh, Grayson sure is touchy about that.
I thought he was going to slug me a while ago.
Did you hear that, Sam?
I sure did.
Hey, Lieutenant, how far away is the rest of your outfit?
Less than a mile.
How far?
We don't.
Not with them Krauts on top of the hill.
Shall we try to move through them, Lieutenant?
Oh, wait a minute, Grayson.
We're not going up that hill.
They'll be shooting right down our throats.
We've got almost the whole platoon.
What do you say, Lieutenant?
That's up to you, Sam.
It's not my platoon anymore.
You want a bet?
Fix bayonets.
Sturmischlein, up the hill.
Hey, Tommy, tell me something.
What does Bakatari mean?
Well, freely translated.
You're a heel.
A stupid jerk and a heel.
That was putting it mildly.
Let's go.
Go for broke!
And that's the story of how I got over being a Bakatari.
Our
thanks to you, Van Johnson, for a brilliant recreation of an excerpt from your latest
picture, Go for Broke.
Also to Henry Nakamura and Lane Nakano of the original cast and the other fine supporting
players.
Oh, Van, darling, come here, darling.
It's too bad we haven't the time, so we could have done more from this very important picture.
Well, I can do more for you, Tallulah, if you like.
I'm sure you could, darling.
I mean from the picture.
Yes, that's what I meant.
These young ones are difficult, aren't they?
Now look, Van, sweetie, I have an idea.
Why don't we do this?
Now, after the show, I'll have loads of time.
Oh, good, I'll be glad to act out the whole picture for you.
I'm sure you would, darling.
Of course, we'll drop in somewhere and have a cocktail, and then we'll go some place nice
for dinner.
And then if you like, you can rent a car and sofa, and we'll take a long drive, and then
we'll drop in at Stieros for the midnight show, and then we'll go dancing, and you'll
pay the auction to play for us till early morning all my favorite records.
Now, how does that sound, Van?
You mean go for broke?
But when will I act out the rest of the picture?
He's so stupid, but so desirable.
Now look, Van, darling, if the expense bothers you, why don't you skip all the other stuff
and come up to my apartment, huh?
Oh, that's good.
Will I act up there?
If you want to act up there.
Tallulah, you don't sound as if you're really interested in my acting the rest of this
picture for you tonight.
Well, let's put it this way, darling.
No, I'm not.
Oh, well, I did have a sort of a tentative...
I'll call you.
Oh, good.
You know my number, darling.
Oh, sure.
What is it?
Oh, it's...
Well, let me see.
Crestview.
Yes, that's it.
Crestview.
Crestview what?
Go ahead.
Seven.
That's it.
Crestview seven.
Four.
Eight.
Oh, yes, I did, didn't I?
Well, I guess I'll be going.
Well, you call me not later than seven o'clock.
Seven o'clock.
That's right.
And if I don't hear from you by seven, I'll call you at five.
Okay.
Well, I guess I'll...
I'm looking forward to this date, Van.
It's been so long since we were out together.
But we've never been out together.
Doesn't that seem wrong to you, darling?
You know, I don't usually ask men to take me to dinner.
As a matter of fact, I have all sorts of invitations from some of the most handsome stars in Hollywood.
But only yesterday Taylor called and wanted to take me out tonight.
Oh, that Taylor Holmes is a nice old gentleman.
I am talking about Robert Taylor.
And this morning I had an invitation from Gregory.
Oh, I know Mr. Radoff very well.
Gregory Peck.
And this afternoon I had a call from that handsome Mr. Grant.
Go around with that.
My favorite general.
But not mine, Buster.
Well, I guess I'll be going now.
Oh, just a minute, Van.
Just a minute, darling.
You know, we are singing a short on our show this week.
Bing couldn't make it.
And weren't you once in musical comedy?
Well, I was a song and dance man in a couple of Broadway shows.
Well, then, darling, how about giving us a song, huh?
I haven't been singing much since I've been in pictures.
My voice might crack.
Well, go for a croak, kid.
Hiya, Bob.
Van, are you going to sing in Crosby's place?
Well, Tallulah was just saying...
And why couldn't he?
I guess he could.
They're both about the same weight.
Of course, he's got a better distributor than Hippie.
Go ahead and...
Go ahead and sing, Van.
I know Crosby's listening.
He's down at the Thunderbird Ranch in Palm Springs.
This will make him get better in a hurry.
Why don't you dedicate your song to that poor sick old man?
Or should that be that rich sick old man?
Are you listening, Lord?
Every time it rains, it rains
Pennies from heaven
Hey, Bing, you remember introducing that one back in 1892?
Don't you know each cloud contains
Pennies from heaven
Hey, Bing, you remember introducing that one back in 1892?
Don't you know each cloud contains
Pennies from heaven
Get up out of bed, Bing.
This Van Johnson's an old Gary Crosby.
You'll find your fortune falling all over town
Your fortune falling all over town?
Bing, where's Everett?
Is he sick too?
Be sure that your umbrella is upside down
And this kid's got hair too, Dad.
Pray them for a barrel of sunshine and flowers
You got the barrel, baggy boy.
Cause if you want the things you love
You must have showers
Feel better, Dad?
Those aren't spots in front of your eyes. Those are his freckles.
And when you hear it thunder
Don't run under a tree
This boy's really gone, isn't he, Bing?
I bet you wish he was.
There'll be pennies from heaven for you
And Gary and Philip and Dennis and Lindsay and Dixie and Bob and Larry and Everett
And me
There's song and laughter when smile is laid
With this world's biggest amazing good day
Let's go tomorrow so man is not sorrow
Live on today and have good times
You have been listening to Meredith Wilson and his big show, Chorus and Orchestra.
We have a lot more show and we'll be back in just a moment after I say
This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.
The big show.
This is the national broadcasting company Sunday Extravaganza with the most scintillating personalities in show business.
The big show. The Sunday night feature of NBC's All-Star Festival is brought to you by RCA Victor,
World leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.
By Chesterfield, the cigarette that has for you what every smoker wants,
Mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste, the cigarette that brings you Bob Hope.
And by the makers of Anisone for fast relief from the pain of headache, ureitis and uralgia.
The big stars on this program are Ms. Ethel Barrymore, Joan Davis, Bob Hope, Van Johnson, Groucho Marx,
Azio Pinza, Meredith Wilson and the big show orchestra and chorus.
And every week your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bankhead.
Well darlings, this has been an exciting week. I'm talking about the Academy Awards.
And what do you think? Now this really will be a surprise.
We've set up a special wire direct to duty holiday who is in New York and she's going to talk to all of us.
And you'll be able to listen in. Now this costs a lot of money, you know.
Especially since they raised the telephone rates in New York to ten cents.
But NBC spares no expense.
Needless to say, we're especially thrilled, and we really are, about our own duty holiday.
Being voted the best actress of the year for her performance in Born Yesterday.
And we're doubly thrilled that José Ferrer, who appeared on our show first in his famous
Cyrano de Bezuret won the Best Act Award.
But the biggest thrill of all was when they voted my picture the best picture of the year.
I mean, of course, all about me.
Of course, I thought, you know who, had a pretty good chance.
No, but honestly, and I'm speaking quite sincerely, I honestly consider her one of our finest actresses.
And I'm not kidding, darlings. We gave a brilliant performance in that picture.
And watch out for us next year.
Is this the Academy Award dinner? One vote for Groucho Marx and a hamburger sandwich.
Groucho!
Well, if it isn't Groucho Marx.
If it isn't Groucho Marx, why am I voting for him?
Well, now pandemonium will reign.
Oh, for Bob Hope, you reign pennies. For me, you reign pandemonium.
Who wrote that joke, the head writer?
The writer.
Well, I'm glad you're laughing.
Tell that writer to turn in his head and leave.
Now, where were we? Oh, yes, Academy Award. Pass the envelope, please.
Envelope.
Kettle.
Steam.
Hot water and plenty of it. A star is about to be born.
Groucho, be serious.
No, not Groucho, be serious. He didn't win it this year.
This award is for the Best Supporting Actress of the Year, and that award goes to Miss Carlin Steel.
I never heard of her. Why did she win Best Supporting Actress Award?
I took her to the movies last night, and she supported me all the way down the balcony steps.
What was the picture you saw?
I don't know. We just spent the evening walking up and down the steps.
How about your testimony?
Did you go to the Academy Award dinner?
No, I wasn't hungry. Besides, I don't believe in those Academy Awards. They're fixed.
Fixed?
Sure. Haven't you noticed that every year the award for Best Actress is won by a woman?
That's chauvinism.
Now Groucho, how can you say that? The awards are voted by male.
That's male chauvinism.
You know the old saying, there's no venism like chauvinism.
There will be a short pause here while everybody looks up chauvinism in the dictionary.
Look under S. You won't find chauvinism there, but you'll find a lot of interesting words.
If you can't find your dictionary, look under D.
If you can't find D, find your glasses.
If you can't find your glasses, look on the bridge of your nose.
Now you've got it. That's the honor bridge dictionary.
Say, this is a pretty educational program.
Now what was it you were saying?
Groucho, I've been listening to you with thinly veiled contempt.
Tallulah, they're not wearing those this year.
But if you want to wear one, it's okay with me, Miss, Miss, no coaching. That's what Vick, you are seeing, no coaching.
You are seeing. You're not the United States Cavalry, are you?
Groucho, you're so...
I'm walking over, no laughing.
Hello, shut up, Groucho.
You're so wound up I don't even think you know my name.
Of course I do. It's right on the edge of my lips.
I don't believe it.
Kiss me and I'll prove it to you.
Groucho, please.
No, no, say pretty please.
I never kiss a man with a mustache.
Well, take it off.
Groucho, cut it out.
Cut it out yourself. My hand isn't steady with the razor.
Oh, Groucho, darling, let's stop the subject.
How about the kiss?
We'll dispense with the subject with one small word, no.
You win the Academy Award for the best short subject.
Well, I'm going to change the subject.
In that case, I'll cast the prodigal.
I'm going to introduce...
I'm going to introduce Edio Pinza.
Now look, that's the best you've got.
And here he is, ladies and gentlemen, star of Broadway, South Pacific,
star of MGM's Mr. Imperium, fast and just seat belt ladies,
Mr. Edio Pinza.
Groucho.
Hello, Talola.
Hello, darling. I want you to meet Mr. Pinza.
I'm sorry, I can't get up my seat belts fast enough.
I have met Mr. Max on this program before.
Oh, sure. Hi, Izzy.
Hello, Georgios.
Edio, what are you going to sing for us?
I am going to sing an aria from the marriage of Figaro,
non più and dry.
Oh, another bibbidi-babbidi-boo.
What is the name of that song again, Mr. Pinza?
Non più and dry.
Non, pew and dry?
Non means no.
Pew, well, everybody knows what that means.
And dry, no smell and it's dry?
Oh, Martini.
Why didn't you say you were Nino Martini?
Me, Martini?
Okay, me, Manhattan.
What do you have, Talola?
Well, I ought to have my head examined
for introducing you to Mr. Pinza.
Sounds like a long drink, but if you want it, we'll make it.
Miss Bankhead, we're all ready to play for Mr. Pinza.
Well, if it isn't Meredith Wilson.
Applause
Oh, hello, Mr. Marks.
Oh, Meredith, darling, will you get back on your stand
and don't start any conversation with Groucho.
Meredith, do you know the song Pinza's going to sing?
Non, pew and dry?
Why, certainly, Groucho.
It's from the marriage of Figaro.
Figaro's married?
I'd better call up Hedda Hopper.
Meredith, will you please go back to your orchestra?
Well, what do you know? Figaro's married.
I knew him when he had a barbershop with two chairs.
Now he's got a wife and three kids.
How's your wife, Meredith?
Oh, she's fine, thank you.
Where are you?
I'm over here.
I wanted to say that she's...
How's your wife? How's your wife, Meredith?
Well, she's fine, thank you.
Don't thank me, I don't even know her.
Well, it'll be a real pleasure to have you meet her.
That's your opinion.
Mr. Marx, I am not Martini. Nino Martini.
Give us the whole name, is he?
Nino!
You turn out to be a tall chicko.
Now, why don't you say your name, is?
I am not Nino Martini.
That's your opinion.
Now, Groucho, we're standing here wasting time.
That's everybody's opinion.
You're so right, darling.
And now, if you will kindly step aside,
I would like to present Mr. Ed Geopenza singing an aria
from the marriage of Figaro, non-pure, undry,
which Figaro sings before he gets married,
and which roughly translated means,
now my days of going out with other girls are over.
Oh, I know that song, bye-bye Blackboard.
Meredith, darling, music if you please.
Don't you dare make a love-hate relationship
by walking around day and night
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
and your love-hate relationship
with your skin covered in love
Here's a word from RCA Victor.
Why do more people choose RCA Victor television
than any other make?
The reason can be summed up in just one word.
Quality. Million-proof quality,
proven in over two million homes.
RCA Victor television is America's favorite television,
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Next chance you get,
step into your RCA Victor dealers
and look over the very finest television in America today.
And same time, add these two great
RCA Victor Red Seal performances
to your record collection.
September song, sung by Ezio Pinza,
and the album of selections from Gershwin's Porgy and Bess
with Reza Stevens and Robert Merrill.
There's a lovely poem by John Masefield,
The West Wind.
I have been privileged to have heard it read
by the most thrilling voice in the world,
the voice of the First Lady of the theater,
Miss Ethel Barrymore.
And if that isn't enough,
the musical background you will hear
was composed by another member of this royal family,
Mr. Lionel Barrymore.
It's titled Andante,
and Meredith Wilson's orchestra will play it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is now my distinguished honor
to present to you Miss Ethel Barrymore.
It's a warm wind, the West Wind,
full of birds' cries.
I never hear the West Wind,
but tears are in my eyes.
For it comes from the Westlands,
the old brown hills,
and April's in the West Wind,
and Daffodils.
It's a fine land, the Westland,
for hearts as tired as mine.
Apple orchards blossom there,
and the air is like wine.
There's a cool green grass there
where men may lie at rest,
and the thrushes are in song there,
fluting from the nest.
Will you not come home, brother?
You've been long away.
It's April and blossom time,
and white is the spray,
and bright is the sun, brother,
and warm is the rain.
Will you not come home, brother?
Home to us again.
The young corn is green, brother,
where the rabbits run.
It's blue sky and white clouds,
and warm rain and sun.
It's song to a man's soul, brother,
fire to a man's brain,
to hear the wild bees,
and see the merry spring again.
Locks are seen in the West, brother,
above the green wheat.
So will you not come home, brother,
and rest your tired feet?
I have a balm for bruised hearts, brother,
sleep for aching eyes,
says the warm wind,
the West wind,
full of birds' cries.
It's the white road westward
is the road I must tread,
to the green grass,
the cool grass,
and rest for heart and head,
to the violets and the brown brooks
and the thrushes song
in the fine land,
the West land,
the land where I belong.
Music
Applause
Bravo, bravo!
Ethel, darling, I'm at a loss for words.
I've been wondering when you'd run out.
And for goodness sake, Tallulah,
pull up your stockings.
Oh, Ethel, please.
Don't talk like that.
I'm grown up now.
I'm not the 14-year-old child you knew
when I first came to Broadway.
I always remember you
as that 14-year-old child.
No other living actress can make that statement.
Laughter
Now, Ethel, darling,
I'm trying to maintain some dignity here.
After all, I am in charge
of the biggest show on radio.
This mishmash is the greatest show on radio.
Laughter
Well, it's the only half an hour,
hour and a half, I mean.
Excuse me, Bing.
Hour and a half program on the air
every Sunday I appear on this show
an hour and 30 minutes from start to finish.
You've changed, Tallulah.
I never knew you knew to finish anything
in an hour and 30 minutes,
unless you're partially a man or two.
Laughter
What exactly do you do here,
aside from smirking at your friends in the audience
and violating every cardinal principle
of theater department?
Well, Ethel, this is not the theater
you brought me up in, darling.
There is no barrier here between the audience
and the performers, you see.
Oh, you've always lived dangerously.
Laughter
And I have plenty to do here.
Don't think this is an easy job,
but the whole show rests on my shoulders.
I introduce the guests, I chat with them,
I do dramatic acting, I announce the orchestra numbers,
I play comedy scenes with the comedians,
I sing, I laugh, I cry,
whatever the script calls for.
What else is there?
That's all there is.
Laughter
I'm a lousy reading of that line.
Laughter
But I must say, you have plenty of energy to the line.
Well, darling, it's not as if I had a show to do every day.
It's only once a week.
But getting these performers to come here
are going to their homes, pleading with each of them.
Laughter
Oh, oh, I don't do that with all of them, Ethel, darling.
You mean you only came to my home
and threw that hysterical fit,
beating your breast,
crawling about the house on your knees,
then threatened to cut your wrists with an electric razor?
Laughter
Pretty good performance, wasn't it, Ethel?
Road company, Judith Anderson.
Laughter
Judith Anderson, I imitate no one.
No one, darling?
Well, after all, Ethel, you were the star, I realize,
and I still do, in the theatre,
and you took me on your wing,
and after all, you are the great lady of the theatre,
so I may have, well, I may have picked up a gesture or two.
Oh, isn't she sweet?
Laughter
Applause
Well, maybe then, well, a word or two.
You weren't foring that I'm a copy of you,
when as a matter of fact, I have been copied myself.
I have been copied to the letter.
That's what I'm talking about.
Laughter
Well, I'll give you this, little earth,
you're a better invitation to me than she is.
Well, thank you, darling.
Coming from the original, who has spent so many years in the theatre.
Oh, stop treating me as if I were the Queen Mother.
Well, let's get on with this shindig.
Laughter
What do you want me to do now, sing?
Sing?
Why not?
I plan on singing Panish from Heaven.
Laughter
If that stupid but desirable youth hadn't beaten me to it.
Laughter
Oh, Ethel, I wish I'd known you wanted to sing.
I would have saved it for you.
I was just so glad and happy to have you grace our programme with your presence,
even if you have been making those cryptic remarks about it.
Well, I may be a little too harsh.
I think you have a very fine show to do, Lois.
I doubt it's smart, it's filled with talent of the highest order.
I think it's the best show in radio.
Oh, thank you, Ethel, darling.
I'm so glad you feel that way.
Would you like to come back again some week?
I'd rather die.
Laughter
Applause
And now Bob Hope wants to make a little money by plugging his sponsor's product.
Money, this is a pleasure.
I do this for nothing and the government is seeing to it that I do.
Laughter
Which brings me to the subject of my favourite cigarette, Chesterfield.
Simplest way for me to put it across is like this.
Before you smoke Chesterfields, you know they're milder.
Smell an open pack and you'll find like 1,520 tobacco growers say
the aroma from an unlighted Chesterfield is milder.
And while you're smoking Chesterfields, you enjoy that mildness,
that better taste and cooler smoke.
And after smoking Chesterfield, there's no unpleasant aftertaste.
That's what science and research discovered.
Yes, the taste panel told us that of all the brands tested,
Chesterfield is the only one which leaves no unpleasant aftertaste.
So it all comes down to this.
It's easy, it's simple, it's inexpensive.
Just the price of a pack of Chesterfields to prove
Chesterfield is the best cigarette for you.
Well, darlings, wasn't that a lovely chat I have with Miss Ethel Barrymore.
But now we must go on from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Joan Davies.
That's all there is, there isn't any more.
What a lousy reading of that line.
Now just a minute, Joan, I won't stand for that.
I won't permit you to say a word about any Barrymore.
They are the first family in the theater.
Well, so was my family.
They were the first family in the theater.
They always got in there before the prices changed.
Now, Joan, Joan, haven't you ever seen Miss Barrymore in the Corners, Green,
at Classe, at Doll's House, School for Scandal, or as a Fee, a Portia, a Juliet.
All those old wonderful classics.
Have you ever seen her in them?
No, I never see those old things.
I haven't got a television set.
Now, Joan, how stupid can you get?
Why, they put a ceiling on that too?
Joan, my dear woman, now listen, is there something special you want to do on the show?
Yeah, I'm...
Let's get right to it.
Well, I'm rushing it as it is, aren't I?
I just can't stay over on the page.
It said turn over fast and I only...
Ha ha ha ha!
Yes, too little a Darling, I am going to read a poem.
A poem? Joan, nobody follows Ethel Barrymore.
No? Gee, I have that trouble too.
And I'll just tell she...
Poem indeed. I can't hear you, Joan, speak up.
A poem indeed. You'll read a poem here over my dead body.
Well, it's your body you ought to know.
Laughter
Joe, you're not going to start comparing your figure with mine.
Why, I can compare figures with anybody in Hollywood.
I got a closet full of them.
Yeah, and right now you look as if you forgot to take out the hangers.
Listen, Tallulah, if we were in a contest, my figure would be way out in front.
And vice versa.
Laughter
It's going pretty far back for a joke.
Laughter
Well, you started it, sister.
And I did want to have some sort of dignity on this show with Miss Ethel Barrymore here.
Yes, and about Miss Barrymore, you introduced her to everybody on the show but me.
Well, Joe, Miss Barrymore is a distinguished personality, the fifth.
Well, I know how to behave. I can be dignified. Introduce me, please.
All right, I'll hate myself in the morning.
Ethel, Ethel darling, may I present Miss Joan Davis?
Joan, this is Miss Barrymore.
How do you do, Your Honor?
Laughter
You may rise.
Laughter
It's easy to say, give me time.
Laughter
What is your name again, child?
The name is Joan. Joan Davis. Davis.
She's an imitation of Lionel, isn't she?
Laughter
What else she do?
Oh, Ethel Joan is quite talented. She's one of our most accomplished comedians.
Really? She doesn't look like a comedian.
She doesn't look like anything to me.
Laughter
Do girls mind if I lower my voice into this conversation?
Laughter
Applause
Just exactly what is it you do, Miss Davis?
Me? Well, oh, I can, I do, well, I also, that is, I...
What was the question again?
Laughter
Joan, Miss Barrymore wanted to know what you do.
Oh, trying to embarrass me in front of all these people.
Well, do I ask her what she does?
Laughter
Joan, now tell Miss Barrymore what you do.
Well, I just try to bring a little happiness to the people.
In fact, I got a song here about happiness.
Would you like to hear it?
Not particularly.
Laughter
Ethel, you took the words right out of my mouth.
Well, that's a sweat.
Laughter
Applause
Alright, Joan, let's have your happiness song done.
Okay, and I hope that this will be a big hit because assisting me in this calypso will be one of the most expensive quartets in show business.
Ethel Pinza, Groucho Marx, Bob Hope, and Van Johnson.
Laughter
I'm getting hot now, boys.
Laughter
How do you like my rumba?
Trouble is I can't get it out of second here.
Laughter
He sits underneath a banana tree
And sings to the workers on the rancho
He sings them a song of philosophy
And this is what's coming out of Pancho
Happiness, happiness
Everybody's searching for happiness
Round and round they all race
And everybody's searching in a different place
Happiness, happiness
Laughter
What a quartet.
Laughter
Sounds more like the sextet from Leeching Nut.
Laughter
A poor man, he would give his soul
If only he had the rich man's gold
And a rich man, he would give his wealth
If only he had the poor man's health
Happiness, happiness
Everybody's searching for happiness
Round and round they all race
Everybody's searching in a different place
Happiness, happiness
Good.
Laughter
Thank you.
No ad libbing.
Good.
Laughter
Oh, the single man, he wants a wife
So he can be happy all his life
And the married man, he's happy
But he wishes he'd kept his big mouth shut
Happiness, happiness
Everybody's searching for happiness
Round and round they all race
And everybody's searching in a different locality
Happiness, happiness
Laughter
Say Jones.
Si, senor.
I want to tell you that's a very pretty dress you have on.
Where do you get him?
I buy him at Saks.
That's why I look so Saks-y.
Laughter
Your friend, he buys a brand new car
So you buy one with more horsepower
Now your friend, he's mad at what you do
He can't kill the people as quick as you
Happiness, happiness
Everybody's searching for happiness
Round and round they all race
And everybody's searching in a different locality
Happiness, happiness
Happiness, hop, hoppiness
Happiness, hop, hop, hoppiness
Hoppiness, ha, hoppiness
That a boy happy, oh boy.
Laughter
Everybody's searching for happiness
Applause
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Music
Well darlings, we have a lot more show for you.
Bob Hope is due to come back in a moment with a few thousand world chosen jokes.
Borrowed especially for this occasion.
And I'm still waiting for that phone call I put to the Julia Holiday in New York
to say nothing of all the other distinguished members of this week's big show.
But before that, Jimmy Rollington wants to say...
This portion of the program was brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio,
first in recorded music, first in television.
By Chesterfield, the cigarette that has for you what every smoker wants,
mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste, the best cigarette for you to smoke,
and by the makers of Anisyn for fast relief from the pain of headache, ureitis, and uralgia.
And now to Lilla, if you'll ring your chimes.
Thank you, Jimmy.
This, darlings, is NBC, the national broadcasting company.
Thank you.
This is the big show, and Tallulah Bankhead is about to introduce another guest.
Yes.
It is not my pleasant chore to call upon...
It says not here, but I'm sure it must be now.
It is now my pleasant chore...
It's not I have some difficult chore, but the knot in the note...
To call upon a young man who goes to New York next Sunday night at the Paramount Theatre.
He will be the master of ceremonies of the Damon Runyon Memorial Fund Benefit Show
with a host of great stars.
This young man could be none other than Bob.
If he does well on the benefit, he may be again regularly employed.
Hope!
Oh, great.
You introduce Ethel Barrymore as Miss Barrymore, but me as just plain old Bob Hope, huh?
Oh, I'm sorry, Bob, darling. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Bob Hope.
Thank you, Mr. Bankhead.
Bob, when you play that benefit in New York, you'll be making a personal appearance with your picture,
the Lemon Drop Kid, won't you?
Confidentially, darling, how is the picture?
Well, I don't know, Tallulah. Most of the critics like Lemon Drop Kid,
especially the big love scene at the finish.
One columnist said, Hope registered a motion like he was registering for the draft.
The sneak preview I went to in Glendale was a great success.
When I got up to leave, I was so proud, I felt as tall as Gary Cooper.
And the lady next to me made me give her back her shoes.
And I listened in the lobby to hear what the audience said on the way out.
They all said the same thing, where can I buy a television set?
And to publicize the picture, they've arranged to put me on the cover of Quick next week.
That's the tiny magazine where they don't use a photographer, they use an African head shrinker.
I had to stop reading Quick at breakfast time, I kept buttering it and eating it with my coffee.
Those magazines kill me, especially those fan magazines always show those leading men flexing their muscles.
Silly, my muscles flex, too.
In fact, if I don't get my serotonin on time, they twitch.
Alan Ladd shows his bare chest in the picture and gets a thousand proposals.
I showed my chest in the picture once, I got two fan letters, some gophers, and a bottle of Lydia Pinkham's compound.
But anyway, the heat is off in Hollywood now that the Academy Award is over.
I went, I went to the Academy Award the other night.
I go there every year for my annual insult.
When they start handing out those Oscars, I feel like a private who wandered into the officers club.
It's a nice dressy affair and the Oscars are made of what little bit of gold is left in Hollywood after taxes.
And I don't know how anyone could make such a fuss about a gold Oscar, after all you can't take it with you.
Anyway, that's what the detective at the door told me.
The Lord knows I've got statues enough, my relatives.
But you know, I work this way.
Everybody was real excited. Bill Holden was biting his nails, Jimmy Stewart was biting his nails, Phil Harris was biting his cork, and I wouldn't say,
I wouldn't say there were any disappointed actors there, but every time an actor asked the usher which way to the balcony,
he said, you want to smoke or jump?
All the movie folk were there. It was quite a sight, watching the stars driving down from Warners and Paramount and galloping down from Republic.
These premieres here in Hollywood are really confusing.
You can't tell whether those big searchlights in the sky are for an opening or whether they're just looking for a pedestrian who didn't come down.
I didn't get out of my car right in front of the theater.
The conductor told me no matter who I was, he only stopped at corners.
But I love to go to those affairs. I really do. The audience is so swanky.
And they leave their chewing gum under the seat. There's always a little flavor left in it.
All the glamour girls were there. All the glamour girls wore their mink coats.
Of course, a few of them came from rabbits, quite a few from skunks. And you should see the...
Don't leave me or I'll be back driving your cab.
Naturally, you should see the mink and ermine. One star created quite a sensation once you walked in wearing Adrian, personally.
Everybody was a little nervous. One actor passed out. The only way they could revive him was by waving his fan mail in front of his face.
But it was really exciting when it came to the Oscars. What happened to that?
But it was really exciting when it came time to pass out the Oscars. I said, am I going to get one? And the guy cleared his throat.
And I cleared my eye. I had a chance.
I had a chance last year... Where am I? Oh yes, I had a chance last year to win the award for doing the most for the motion picture industry, but I refused to quit.
But the way I figure, I haven't won an Oscar because I never play dramatic death scenes.
Every time I get down on the floor over at Paramount, somebody shoves a scrub brush into my hand.
Still haven't got a finish, have I? But there's a...
But there's been a definite trend in pictures lately. They've been doing the life of famous show people, like the life of Cole Porter, the life of Blossom Sealy, and Crosby's autobiography, The Life of the Father.
Monty Woolley plays Crosby as a voice. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much, Bob. They can laugh at you all they want to, but I think you're funny.
Now let me see, what was I about to... Oh yes, yes, yes, of course. Mr. Pinscher, Edjo, would you mind coming here a moment, darling?
Yes, Tolola.
Edjo, my sweet, you know what a devoted fan I am of yours. Nothing would thrill me more if you would do me a personal favor and sing a song just for me.
I will be very happy to.
Oh, Edjo, you what?
Just for you, Tolola.
Oh, Edjo.
I will sing Andiamo from my latest picture, Mr. Imperium, soon to be released by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer in all major cities just for you, Tolola.
Here's a guy who plugs his pictures while he's making love. Meredith, music if you please for Mr. Pinscher.
Andiamo, andiamo, let's go, andiamo, let's go, andiamo!
Andiamo, andiamo, my bombina, let's go, Andiamo, andiamo, my bombina, let's go,
Andiamo, andiamo, my bombina, let's go, My caro mio, look around you, what a beautiful soul,
So come with me, presto, caro nome, my love, The sun is high above.
Andiamo, andiamo, for a glorious spring, How allegro, how ivace, how alive is the spring,
And we are alive to each other, and so I sing fortissimo.
Do you love me? Ah, sola sì, l'assido, e più lo mi,
I'll be so bravissimo.
Andiamo, andiamo, to a hilltop of pine, We'll have pizza, antipasto, and some very good wine,
So come with me, presto, for time goes so fast,
The bright duke, a perfect day, We're never made to last.
Andiamo, andiamo, my bombina, let's go, Andiamo, andiamo, my bombina, let's go,
My caro mio, look around you, what a beautiful soul,
So come with me, presto, caro nome, my love, The sun is high above.
Andiamo, andiamo, for a glorious spring, How allegro, how ivace, how alive is the spring,
And we are alive to each other, and so I sing fortissimo.
Do you love me? Ah, sola sì, l'assido, e più lo mi,
I'll be so bravissimo.
Andiamo, andiamo, to a hilltop of pine, We'll have pizza, antipasto, and some very good wine,
So come with me, presto, for time goes so fast,
The bright duke, a perfect day, We're never made to last.
Andiamo, andiamo, andiamo, andiamo.
Edio, darling, that was divine, simply divine.
Well, darlings, I guess it's about time for that call to Judy to come through.
I'll ask the operator.
Hello, operator, on that call to Judy to holiday in New York,
it's circle seven, A-3-0-1. We're ready to talk now.
Now, everyone be quiet so we can hear what Judy has to say.
Quiet, everybody. Yes, operator, hold on, yes, yes, hold on.
Hey, Hope, what is it, Groucho? How many times you been on this big mouth show?
Well, I'm a three-time loser, how about you?
I'm a three-time loser, too. Once more and you get life.
I could use a little.
What do you think of the dames they always have on this show?
As a rule, I'm not too particular, but this is ridiculous.
When a guy's on a show, he likes to get dated with one of the girls.
Well, you can't say these girls aren't dated.
Well, I'm not feeding you straight lines.
What am I going to do about getting a girl to go out with me after the show?
Well, I don't know why you should have any trouble. You're attractive, intelligent, generous, witty, desirable.
What are you doing after the show?
I'm going to be busy looking for the writer who gave you that joke.
Bob, you wouldn't dig him up just for that, would you?
Operator, operator, what do you mean she doesn't answer?
Are you sure you're calling Judy Holliday?
Yes, Judy Holliday, the movie star, you know, born yesterday.
No, I don't want to talk to her mother in the hospital.
I'm talking about Judy Holliday, one of the Academy Awards.
She's the hottest thing in pictures, sold out by every producer and picture company in the business, throwing the most fabulous towers at her feet.
You keep on ringing that number, darling. I keep on ringing it.
It's a candy store, but they'll call her.
Yes, I'll hold on.
Fine thing. Look at the dames they get on this show and they leave a doll like Judy Holliday in New York.
I wonder if she'd go out with me by phone.
Say, Groucho, what do you admire most in a girl?
Well, second.
Hiya, fellas, what's going on here?
Keep moving, Van, we're busy.
This is Man's Talk, beta.
We're talking about finding us some girls.
Well, what's the matter with them over there? Aren't they girls?
If you have to ask, they're not.
Are you finished with me, fellas?
Yes.
Did I read that straight line all right?
Yes.
Bye now.
Hey, Duck. Duck, here comes Joan Davis.
She does look like a duck, doesn't she?
Oh, hiya, fellas, good to see you.
Put me down, you fool.
Well, which one of you fellas is going to break down and take me to dinner after the show?
Well, Groucho is more broken down than I am. He'll take care of it.
What, Grouch?
He'll take care of it.
Because?
Now, don't fight over me, fellas.
I was waiting for the laugh.
Don't fight over me, fellas. It's enough here for both of you.
Besides, if that's the way you're going to act, if that's the way you're going to act,
I'm going to show you what I always do. I'll just go to to doing after the show.
To doing after the show? Well, what's to doing after the show?
Nothing, and that's a date.
I'm going to get you all trapped by a corny joke.
Now, you just wait here. I'll go put on a new face and no cracks.
That's what you need, a face with no cracks.
Hello, hello. Wait a minute. I'm getting Judy. Quiet, please, darlings. Everybody quiet. Hello, hello.
Hello, this is Salula. Who's this?
This is Judy Harve. That's who.
Judy, darling, congratulations. We're so excited here about the Academy Award.
Everybody in the studio are so thrilled, Judy. Oh, they're all so happy for you, darling.
I've got them all here with me, Bob Hope, Groucho Marx, Edupinza Van Johnson.
All those fellas there with you, and you're wasting your time calling me.
Now, Judy, this is no time to start that. We're all so happy you won an Oscar.
Don't you think it's time you won an Oscar? Or even a Charlie or a Henry or a George?
Now, look, Judy, don't waste time talking about that. This is long distance.
Oh, yeah, it's costing me money. I'd better hang up.
No, darling, he's not talking to you. I'm the one who's calling.
Yeah, I know, but I had to come down to the candy store to answer the phone,
and all the kids come in, and they made a big party out of it.
The tweets are me. Liquorice whips for everybody.
Well, darling, you shouldn't mind that. After all, isn't it wonderful that you won the award?
Oh, I should say, I'm the happiest girl in the world.
Maybe not the world, but I'm the happiest girl in my neighborhood.
I'm the first girl on my block to win an Academy Award.
Judy, Judy, darling, everybody here wants to talk to you. Here's Ed, your pizza.
Hello, Miss Holiday.
How you do?
My congratulations to you, Miss Holiday.
Thank you. Thank you very much. Do you like Talulah?
Oh, yes, very much.
Are you married?
Yes, I am.
Let me talk to one of the other fellows.
Hello. Hello, Judy.
Which fellow are you?
This is Talulah, darling.
You're talking too low again, Talulah.
Judy, here's Van Johnson.
Hiya, Judy.
Hiya, Joe.
Judy, I was so happy to hear you won the award. Congratulations.
Thank you very much. Do you like Talulah?
Oh, I'm crazy about her.
Are you married?
Yep.
Let me talk to another fellow.
Judy, darling, now I want you to talk to Bob Hope.
Hello, Judy, baby. This is Bob. I'm glad you won the Oscar, Hope, telling you to stay right in there and keep on punching, Judy.
How you do?
Do you like Talulah?
Oh, sure.
Are you married?
Yes.
Happily?
Yes.
Let me talk to one of the other fellows.
And now, Judy, darling, hold on. Groucho Marx wants to talk to you.
Hello, Judy. This is Groucho. Congratulations.
Thank you very much. Hey, you like Talulah?
Like a brother.
Let me talk to one of the other fellows.
There are no other fellows around. How about you and me going out on a date tonight?
Tonight? I'm in New York.
Well, you go to the Star Club, I'll go to the Brown Davy.
Separate checks, of course.
Judy, here's Joan Davis, darling.
Hi, Judy.
How you do?
Oh, gee, kid, I'm sure happy you won that Academy Award.
Thank you, Miss Davis. I'm sorry you lost.
Oh, boy, have you got the wrong Davis.
Excuse me. Wait a minute. Aren't you the Miss Davis who was interested in all about Eve?
No. All Miss Davis cares about is all about Adam.
And now, Judy, darling, Judy, I saved her for the last, yes, she is, Miss Ethel Barrymore.
Hello, Judy, dear.
Miss Barrymore, if I may step out of character for a moment,
may I say that, of course, it was a thrill to win the Academy Award,
but the extra thrill of having you accept my award for me was really more than I deserved.
It's something I'll never forget, and you'll always have my eternal thanks.
And that goes for your friend Tallulah, for being such a wonderful friend to me.
That was a lovely speech, Judy.
Thank you, Miss Barrymore.
And may I hope, Miss Barrymore, that if everything turns out well for you and Tallulah,
next year it'll be Mrs. Barrymore and Mrs. Banks.
No.
Music
Well, darlings, that's our show from Hollywood.
We're off for New York again tonight,
and next week our stars will include Fred Allen, Vivian Blaine, Jimmy Durante,
Portland Hoffer, Jane Morgan, Rudy Vallee,
the cast from the exciting Broadway production Green Pastures, and others,
and of course, our very own Meredith Wilson and the Big Show Oxford chorus.
Until then.
May the good Lord bless and keep you,
by the near, far away.
Judy, may you find that long-awaited golden day today.
Bob?
May your troubles all be small ones,
and your fortune ten times ten.
Joan?
May the good Lord bless and keep you,
till we meet again.
Meredith?
May you walk with sunlight shining,
and a bluebird in every tree.
Croucho?
May you find that silver lining,
back of every cloud you see.
Van?
May your dreams with sweet tomorrows,
never mind what might have been.
Miss Barrymore?
May the good Lord bless and keep you,
till we meet again.
Ezio?
May you long recall each rainbow,
when you'll soon forget the rain.
May the warm and tender memories,
be the one that will remain.
May you walk with sunlight shining,
never mind what might have been.
May the good Lord bless and keep you,
until we meet again.
May the good Lord bless and keep you,
till we meet,
till we meet again.
Good night, darlings,
and God speed to our armed forces all over the world
who hear these broadcasts each week.
Applause
Listen to The Big Show next Sunday when it will come to you again from New York.
And the guests will be Fred Allen,
Vivian Blaine, Jimmy Durante,
Portland Hoppa, Jane Morgan,
Rudy Valli, the cast from Green Pastures,
and others.
Meredith Wilson and The Big Show Orchestra and Chorus,
and of course, as always, your hostess,
the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bankhead.
The Big Show is produced and directed by Dee Engelbach
and written by Goodman Ace, Selma Diamond, George Foster,
Mort Green, and Frank Wilson.
This is Jimmy Wallington speaking.
Music
Enjoy Phil Harris and Alice Fay.
Later in Theatre Guild on NBC.
Applause