You're about to be entertained by some of the biggest names in show business.
For the next hour and 30 minutes, this program will present in person such bright stars as...
Fred Allen.
Lucienne Voyer.
Portland Hoffa.
Georgie Jessup.
Groucho Marx.
Ginger Rogers.
Margaret Truman.
Meredith Wilson.
And my name, darlings, is Tallulah Bankett.
The National Broadcasting Company presents The Big Show.
The Big Show, 90 minutes with the most scintillating personalities in the entertainment world.
Brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of NBC's All-Star Festival.
And here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bankett.
Well, darlings, I'm a little sad today.
This is our last show of the season before returning in the fall.
And it has been a turbulent season.
But in spite of the squabbles and the tantrums and the temperamental outbursts,
all of us on the show have learned to know and appreciate one another to the fullest.
And thank heaven we don't have to look at one another again for four months.
And to you, darlings, our listeners, thank you for those thousands of letters.
I've read every one of them.
And believe me, when I say in all sincerity, I don't know how they allow stuff like that in the mail.
But thanks, thanks, brilliant, to those of you who were thoughtful enough to take the time and bother
to sit at home and make all those cunning little gifts you sent me.
I mean the ones that tick and have to be soaked in water.
And if you think it's easy to soak those old things...
Speaking of old soaks...
What a cue for Groucho Marx.
Well, Groucho, I can't tell you how happy we are to have you on here this week.
Why can't you? It's an hour and a half show.
All right, I will. Groucho, we are overjoyed.
We're overjoyed? I thought we were over New York.
I just landed myself, you know. I left Hollywood an hour ago.
Oh, you flew in on one of those jets?
That's right. An hour ago, I went into the kitchen, turned on a gas jet, lit a cigar, and here I am.
Oh, now Groucho, I happen to know you got in last night.
The trip must have been too much for you. You're just not all here.
Part of me is still over Kansas City.
Fortunately, the part that counts is here.
So let's neck.
Groucho, just relax. Go over now, darling, and sit down.
I can't. That's the part that's over Kansas City.
Well, at least you got here, so we had no beef coming.
Oh, yes you have. All the way from Kansas City.
Well, enough small talk. Let's neck.
Groucho, we have a show to do here. That's why we sent to Hollywood for you.
And you got here just in the nick of time.
All right, let's neck.
What are you doing after the show?
I have a date.
A fig for your date.
Tallulah, I flew all the way out here just for you.
And neither rain nor snow, nor heat, nor gloom of night
shall stay this courier from the swift completion of his appointed rounds.
Groucho, that's the post office treat.
All right, let's play post office.
Tallulah, for lo these many years I've admired you, man and boy.
You were a cute boy, and now...
Hold it, Buster.
Ah, we can make such beautiful music together.
Correction, I've heard you sing.
Groucho, are you trying to say in your haunting, infirm way
that you want to take me away from all this?
Oh, no, you can go on working.
We have to live, you know.
I'd rather die.
Is that cheaper?
Well, we'll see if it is.
If you're really interested, how about a mink coat?
Well, if you want to get me one.
In this warm weather, I'd rather have a tap at a duster.
But what do I care about clothes?
This is the real thing, Tallulah.
Ah, l'amour, l'amour.
Say, that's an idea.
Why don't I call Dorothy?
She'd be so right for me.
Don't you mean so wrong?
Yes, that about covers it.
Well, Tallulah, what about it?
Won't you say the word that'll make me the happiest man in the world?
They won't let me say the word I'm thinking of, darling.
Come away with me, Tallulah, to my beautiful home in Hollywood.
15 rooms, you know.
15 rooms?
Here, me.
How many servants do you have?
Counting you, one.
Oh, I see.
You're just looking for somebody to clean up your house.
Well, any old maid can do that.
Well?
Oh, this sort of thing is wearing me out.
Well, when you get to my house, it'll be easier for you.
You ought to see my cellar.
I've got every electrical appliance to make it easy for you.
Washing machine, electric iron.
Everything electric.
Chairs.
Yes, I can just picture myself spending my life in a cellar.
Well, if it's good enough for the Giants, it's good enough for you.
Now, just a censored, censored minute about those Giants.
Don't you worry about them.
You forget that De Rosso is leading the Giants.
So is everybody else in the league.
Well, how did you get into this routine about the Giants, anyway?
I was asking you to play ball with me.
Well, you're struck out, brother.
Now, get back into the dugout while Meredith Wilson does the number here.
Oh, Meredith, I didn't see you.
Hello, Mr. Marks.
You sure get off some good jokes, Mr. Marks.
I've been enjoying your sallies.
I'll thank you to get your own girls.
Meredith, will you come away from him and lead your orchestra?
Play that hour Indian song he wrote, if you please.
The sun will shine, the rain will fall,
And Iowa corn will grow and grow and grow and grow.
Be high by the Fourth of July in Iowa.
Hey, high, high, true, oh, Iowa, Iowa.
Belt high by the Fifth of July in Iowa.
Hey, high, high, true, oh, Iowa, Iowa.
That's grown over golden seed town, right down on Iowa frown.
Before it ever gets there, that seed will grow in midair.
Be high by the Sixth of July in Iowa.
Hey, high, high, true, oh, Iowa, Iowa.
Be high by the Sixth of July in Iowa.
Be high by the Sixth of July in Iowa.
Hey, high, high, true, oh, Iowa, Iowa.
Back there where I was born in Iowa.
That's what we call soft corn in Iowa.
Hey, high, high, true, oh, Iowa, Iowa.
Mary's darling, that was simply divine.
One of the most exciting tunes we've played all season.
And won't I be happy not to have to listen to him for four months?
Well, I don't think I'm too happy about introducing our next guest, also from Hollywood.
But a little too much competitive glamour in the person of Miss Ginger Rogers.
Zulu, look, I don't think I'm competition to you.
After all, we're different types.
I'm a girl.
And what do you mean by that?
Oh, I mean I'm an outdoor girl and you're an indoor girl.
Well, I don't sleep in trees, if that's what you mean.
No, Zulu.
No, it's just that all the men I meet are interested in outdoor sports, so I've developed
some skill in athletics.
When I go out with a man, I play better golf than he does, better tennis.
I can swim better, sail better.
How do you get a man if you beat him at all those things?
I'm a terrible wrestler.
Well, tell me, gorgeous George, do you really enjoy all that sweaty, athletic mishmash?
Oh, it's wonderful exercise.
Golf develops my arms.
Tennis develops my legs.
Swimming develops my shoulders.
And I see you've been taking deep breathing too.
But Tallulah, don't you ever take any exercise, don't you ever?
Oh, I used to play golf and quite well too.
I played golf in the 80s.
Oh, well, you ought to try it now.
The game's changed a lot since then.
No, isn't he nasty.
I didn't mean to be, Tallulah.
I'm only trying to show you how important exercise he is.
There's nothing like lifting a tennis racket to keep you trimmed.
Well, if you don't mind, Ginger, I don't like lifting tennis rackets.
The sun gets in my eyes.
Well, you should use glasses.
Now, lifting glasses is another story.
You're making a mistake, Tallulah, not taking up outdoor sports.
A man treats you all together differently when you're competing with him in sports.
It makes you and him sort of buddies.
Oh, well, tell me, Buddy Rogers.
This is Buddy Rogers?
No, Groucho, this is Ginger Rogers.
Oh, well, in either case, how about you and me going out after the show?
Just a minute, Groucho.
You made me that offer first.
Well, if Ginger turns me down, the offer still stands.
Well, I might, Groucho.
Are you athletically inclined?
Of course.
Let's wrestle.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
I'm not very good at that.
How about a game of golf or tennis?
Well, I'd rather wrestle.
But all right, I'll play you some golf or tennis.
Well, which will it be, golf or tennis?
Well, I'll toss you.
Best two falls out of three.
Groucho, you're not going to get anywhere with her unless you're the outdoor type.
Is that all women are interested in today, a man who plays golf, tennis, sails a boat,
rides a horse?
Doesn't it mean anything anymore to a girl if a man can load a Brownie camera?
I'll get a laugh out of that.
Groucho, the Brownie camera went out with McKinley.
Really?
Does your wife know about it?
Well, how about it, Ginge?
You want to go out with me?
Well, if you'll get somebody for Tallulah, I might consider it.
Very well.
I have a friend.
Oh, friend, friend Alan.
Yes, Groucho.
Fred, how you fix the dough?
Well, I have a check for $26, Groucho.
Good.
Can you get it cashed?
Is it your check?
Well, not exactly.
It's from my present sponsor, the Unemployment Insurance Bureau.
You've perhaps heard of them, or you will in later life.
You've heard-
Probably tonight, I think.
You've heard- haven't you ever heard any of their commercial jingles on the air?
Unemployment hits the spot, $26, that's a lot, twice as much as when you work.
If you don't take it, you're just a jerk.
Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money.
Well, I can't compete with material like that, Fred.
You better go sit down.
Well, that's the kind of material you should do sitting down, Groucho.
Nobody will stand for it, I mean.
But if you prefer-
They're moaning all around us, Fred.
If you prefer to get back to our sordid little plot, Groucho, I have an unemployment insurance
check here for $26, which may pay for an evening on the town with these two emeritus frails
that you have here.
Here, Groucho, you take the check.
It's a government check.
Are we going to get it cashed?
Does anybody here know the government?
Well, fortunately, I happen to see sitting on the stage here a junior partner in that
business.
Now, maybe she will cash it.
True man, true.
Well girls, we're all set to take you out.
You've already taken us out of the script.
I didn't think I was supposed to go off the air till next week.
I've been listening to you two elderly gentlemen exchanging those equally elderly and well-rehearsed
ad-libs with ill-concealed contempt.
Now, if you two can make it back to your seats and let us get on with the show, we may consent
to go out with you later.
I'm pretty versatile.
I can die on either mic.
What was your last sign?
You may consent to go out with us later, is that it?
Later, darling.
Much later.
Well, Tallulah, Tallulah, that's a bargain.
And now I'm going to sing.
Tallulah, you drive a hard bargain.
But Tallulah, I have a song I want to sing here.
Oh, well, Ginger, you're my guest, darling.
What's the song?
It's so nice to have a man around the house.
Oh, going in for indoor sports now.
All right, Melody, let's have it.
Music, darling, if you please.
No question about it, a man is a problem.
He'll drive you out of your mind.
He'll cheat and deceive you.
That is, if you let him, and yet, and yet, you'll find.
It's so nice to have a man around the house.
Oh, so nice to have a man around the house.
Someone sweet who's glad he found you, who will put his arms around you.
And his kisses just astound you.
They're so nice.
Oh, a house is just a house without a man.
He's the necessary evil in your plan.
There are many things about him you just cannot do without him.
Though it's just a constant game of cat and mouse.
It's so nice to have a man around the house.
It's so nice to have a man around the house.
So nice to have a man around the house.
Just a guy in pipe and slippers who will share your breakfast kippers.
Who will help you zip your zippers.
It's so nice.
Oh, a house, what's a house without a man?
He's the necessary evil in your plan.
Someone kind who knows you treasure any simple little pleasure.
Like a full length mink to cover last year's blouse.
It's so nice to have a man around the house.
So nice.
So nice.
Applause
That was a lovely song Ginger.
A lovely song and I like the way you did it.
I just don't happen to agree with the philosophy of the song.
Nice to have a man around the house.
As far as I'm concerned, a man around the house is just a dust hatter.
Yes, but in the old days a man around the house could have come in real handy.
Well, I'll take your word for it darling, I wouldn't know about the old days.
I'm talking about the days when mother did all the work.
Meredith showed me a poem about that this morning.
About the way they used to do things back in Iowa.
Would you like to hear it?
Not particularly.
If Meredith will let me have it, I'll read it to him.
Oh, all right. Meredith.
Yes.
Do you have that poem you were showing Ginger this morning?
Well, sir, Miss Bankhead.
Never mind that.
Just give it to her.
Thank you, Meredith.
It's entitled Mother.
Mother, on a winter's day, milked the cows and fed them hay,
slopped the hogs, saddled the mule, and got the children off to school,
did a washing, mopped the floors, washed the windows and did some chores,
cooked a dish of home-dried fruit, pressed her husband's Sunday suit,
swept the parlor, made the bed, baked a dozen loaves of bread,
split some firewood, and then logged in enough to fill the kitchen bin,
cleaned the lamps, put in the oil, stewed some apples she thought would spoil,
cooked a supper that was delicious and afterwards did all the dishes,
fed the cat, sprinkled the clothes, mended a basket full of hose,
then opened the organ and began to play.
When you come to the end of a perfect day.
That's very nice, Ginger, but mothers today have a tougher time
than the old mothers used to have.
Now Groucho was reading me a poem this morning.
Groucho?
Yes?
I had to walk 300 feet to say yes.
What was that poem you were saying to me this morning, darling?
That poem you were saying about this morning?
This poem this morning?
Oh, it was nothing, just something I read in the back of a barn.
No, not that one.
Here's the one I mean.
Now listen to this, Ginger.
Mother on a winter's day awakes and finds her hair is gray.
She hustles down to the beauty shop and there proceeds to blue her top.
Her husband says he liked it better when she was young and her hair was redder.
She tensed at this and she tensed at that and then discovers she's getting fat.
So she's determined she's got to reduce because this is fabby and that is loose.
Now they tighten, bolt and hinge her till she looks just like our Ginger.
She hurries home to the man of her life to show him his new and beautiful wife.
But when she gets there, it's late at night and she remembers he went to the fight.
She turns on the TV, gives the dial at 12, there's the louse at the ringside with a beautiful girl.
And at the sight of them, her hair turns gray.
And this is the end of a perfect day.
Well now, darlings, it is time to introduce our next guest, our charming visitor from Paris, Lucienne Boyer.
Hey, Toulouse, how about introducing me to Lucienne Boyer?
Maybe she'll go out with me. Right? How about it? Did you get that check cash?
Yes, Groucho, but I don't know whether the unemployment bureau will like it if I go out and spend this whole $26 on wine, women and orchestration.
You don't sound very enthused about this little shindig I'm arranging for tonight.
Don't women mean anything to you?
Well, yes. I accept the fact that there are women, but beyond that, well, I seldom get beyond that, so I just ignore them.
Well, Fred, with me, it's vice versa, and mostly vice.
Just a minute, Groucho. If you think you can get the lovely Lucienne Boyer to go out with you on Fred's unemployment check and your old age pension check, you better think again. $26.
Do you know how much that is in francs? Do you know how much a franc is worth today?
Well, with mustard and sauerkraut, a franc is 15 cents. On $26, we can paint the town mustard. What do you say, Fred?
Well, yes, I guess I will, Groucho. It's been a long time since I've done this. I haven't had a frankfurter in years.
Oh, Fred!
Yes, Portland? You were saying, Portland?
It's time to take your pill. You'd better come home.
Oh, I'm coming, Portland. Sorry, Groucho, I've got to go.
Well, that's what they say in Maine. As Portland goes, so goes the nation.
And so goes the program. So why don't you go, Groucho darling, and let me present Miss Lucienne Boyer in one of her famous Parisian songs,
Parlez-moi d'amour.
Mary, did you hear?
Parlez-moi d'amour, redites-moi deux choses tendres.
Votre beau discours, mon coeur n'est pas là de l'entendre.
Vous vouliez que toujours vous répétiez ce mot suprême, je vous aime.
Vous savez bien que dans le fond je n'en crois rien, mais cependant je veux encore écouter ces mots que j'adore.
Votre voix au son caressant, qu'il est murmurant, prémissant, me verse de sa belle histoire.
Et malgré moi, je veux y croire.
Parlez-moi d'amour, redites-moi deux choses tendres. Votre beau discours, mon coeur n'est pas là de l'entendre.
Vous vouliez que toujours vous répétiez ce mot suprême, je vous aime.
Parlez-moi d'amour, et dites ce que je vous demande.
Dites les mots d'amour, répétez-les et encore je vous implore.
Parlez-moi d'amour, et répétez ces mots pour moi, je vous aime.
Charmat, Lucienne, simply a charmat.
Merci, Tellola.
I've been admiring that stunning gown, Lucienne. I know it's a Parisian model because I haven't seen anything like it around.
Is it a Christian Dior or Mamba Che or Schiaparelli?
No, Abraham and Strauss.
Abraham and Strauss? Ah, come now darling, you didn't get that gown in New York.
You're right, Tellola, Abraham and Strauss is in Brooklyn.
Well, I knew it was an import.
Lucienne, I want you to meet some other guests. This is Jenji Rogers, Lucienne Boyer.
Allez-vous, Jenji? Très bien, merci. Et vous? Très bien, merci.
And Lucienne, this is Mr. Fred Allen. Fred, Ms. Boyer.
Oh, Monsieur Allen, je suis enchantée de faire votre connaissance.
Well, it was a quiz show. I was on the road for 17 years, you see, and they put this quiz show on opposite me.
So now, voila, I collect unemployment insurance every week.
Employment insurance? Oui. What is unemployment insurance?
Well, now let me see darling, in French that would be, oh yes, the Marshall Plan.
Oh, and here is Mr. Groucho Marx, Ms. Boyer.
Comment allez-vous, Mr. Marx? Oh, commandez-vous, let me see what that means.
Comment, that's the old come on. Alley, well, everybody knows what an alley is.
And boo, that can only mean one thing. So come on out in the alley and we'll pit some boo.
Music
Music
You've been listening to Meredith Wilson's Big Show Orchestra and Chorus.
We'll be back in a moment after I say that this is NBC, the national broadcasting company.
The Big Show, this is the national broadcasting company, Sunday Extravaganza, with the most scintillating personalities in show business.
The Big Show, the Sunday night feature of NBC's All Star Festival, is brought to you by the makers of Anison, for fast relief from the pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia.
By RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.
And by famous Canon towels, the towels that give you the most for your money in beauty, value, lovely color and design.
The big stars in this program are Fred Allen, Lucien Boyer, Portman Hoffa, George Jessel, Groucho Marx, Ginger Rogers, Margaret Truman, Meredith Wilson in the Big Show Orchestra and Chorus.
And every week, your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, Tallulah Bankhead.
Well darlings, I'm on my last lap. I mean the show of course.
In one hour we'll have come to the end of our first season. Well there was some talk about my taking the Big Show on the road for the summer.
I'd gone to NBC and asked them what they wanted me to do this summer and they said hit the road.
But since this is our last show for the season, we are delighted that we can bring to you one of the most colorful figures, not only in show business but on the American scene today.
He is an actor, an author, producer, Hollywood's ambassador of goodwill, the Toastmaster General of the United States, George Jessel.
Thank you Thelma Bernstein. Thank you.
Dr. Lily, you're very, very kind.
Well George darling, I'm so glad you could come on our program this week because this is the last show of our season. I feel a little sad.
And after all, you are famous for all those speeches you make at banquets, testimonial dinners and so many funerals.
Yes, well I'm glad you told me why I'm here dear. I have been invited to speak at so many occasions that sometimes I become confused.
Now one day I was saying a few kind words over the body of a friend of mine and suddenly the guy got up.
Goodness, what did you do?
Well I'm always prepared. I sang two choruses of some of these days, you see.
What about this show my dear, there is no confusion. I know where I am and why I am here.
Well make your speech George.
Very well. Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here to say a few kind words over this show.
And as it must to all hour and a half shows, the end comes to this show tonight.
I knew this show and it was first born 27 weeks ago. I was there when they christened it, the big show.
The big show named after its star.
And by some accident of fate it was born poor. Born into radio instead of television.
Unfortunately this hapless infant was blessed with four godfathers.
A wealthy headache tablet manufacturer, a millionaire record maker, a rich cigarette fellow and a big towel man.
If the show gave you a headache you took an Addison.
If you didn't like it you can plug in your ear an RCA record player.
And smoke a Chesterfield besides.
And when things really got bad you could take a nice fluffy cannon towel and stuff it in your ear.
As time went on the show grew some and it was pretty. It was pretty gruesome.
And so to you bereaved fans I can only offer one word of comfort.
Try not to think of it as losing a show but rather think of it as gaining an hour and a half.
Because my friends life must go on. When the chicken dies it leaves behind an egg.
And the egg becomes a chicken. And ladies and gentlemen the eggs that this show has left behind.
I want to tell you.
Those who want to take one last look at Jessel now is your time.
Now listen honey give me time to record a speech that I could say over myself.
You expect to make a speech over yourself?
I should give Eddie Cantor that satisfaction?
No I was only kidding about the program Tallulah because out in Hollywood every Sunday everybody's out playing golf but not me.
I sit in front of the radio and I listen to your show.
Oh darling that's very sweet.
Of course I don't play golf but tell me Tallulah I want to speak to you now seriously in my capacity as a motion picture producer.
When are you thinking of making another picture?
Constantly.
Oh are you still with the 20th Century Fox?
Oh yes I've been with the company many years.
Yes I know when you started there darling it was the 19th Century Fox wasn't it?
That was about the clown you made lifeboat for us.
You haven't made a picture for 20th Century Fox since then have you Tallulah?
I beg your pardon you evidently don't know what it's all about.
I made one there that won the Academy Award a few eves ago.
Oh yes well I don't make that kind of picture.
I make pictures with Dan Daly and Betty Grable gorgeous color musical want this.
Want this?
Yes first he wants her and she don't want her.
Then she wants her and he don't want her.
And for 90 minutes nobody wants her at the same time.
Finally they both want her and that's the end of the picture.
By that time the audience won't show their money back.
No that's the kind of a picture you should make Tallulah where he wants her and you don't want her.
Oh a fantasy.
No I don't think so Georgie.
I'm more interested in something dramatic and exciting.
As a matter of fact I'm writing a wonderful picture now.
It's the story of my life.
The story of your life?
Of course it's incomplete.
Well come around and see me when it ends.
In fact I'll always be there you know me.
I'm always there at the end to say a few words.
Well you do that darling and if I'm not there you can start without me.
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we are not asking you to try a new or unproved method.
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That is Anisyn contains not just one but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy to take tablet form.
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Anisyn is spelled A-N-A-C-I-N.
Oh Chalula.
Yes Fred.
Say as I was sitting back there, chuckling at Mr. Jessel, a thought suddenly wafted through my mind.
I've had it open for the summer you know, across ventilation.
The thought suddenly occurred to me that when this show goes off the air for the summer, you are going to be unemployed for four months.
Now since I have been in that same business for many months.
What business is that?
No business. There's no business like no business.
You, well of course now you're going to be eligible for unemployment insurance.
Oh but Fred I don't have to be unemployed. I can get all kinds.
Chalula please, please don't talk like that.
The first thing you know, Congress will be passing a law abolishing unemployment.
So let us drop this brave and optimistic, if you'll pardon the expression, front.
And let me explain to you how you go about getting this weekly tithe of $26.
How tithe can you get on $26?
Chalula, unlike our audience here, you are not taking this seriously.
Now here's all you need to do.
Here's all you need to do.
Now you get up at nine o'clock, take the subway down to the unemployment office and you stand in line.
I get up when?
And take the what?
To the which and stand where?
Well you are making it sound awfully difficult.
Would you mind repeating that one octave higher if you would?
Oh Fred, getting up at such a ghastly hour. Nine o'clock in the evening.
No, no, it's nine o'clock in the morning.
Fred, are you trying to tell me there's a nine o'clock in the morning too?
Surprise!
Oh, well I wouldn't feel right Fred going down there and collecting money.
No, no darling, you're not doing anything for it.
Why, nobody should take money for doing nothing.
You haven't been watching television lately, have you?
Well look, it's quite simple.
The first thing you have to do at the unemployment office is to fill out a form.
But of course they'll probably skip that with you.
All they'll ask you to do is write down your name, your address, your social security number and your age.
That does it, age. They can keep that $44. I mean that $26 a week.
Well, Tallulah, you are entitled to that $45. I mean that $26 a week.
Well now can't I just open a charge account Fred? They can send it to me.
Excuse me.
Yes, what is it Portland?
While I was sitting back there, a thought suddenly wafted through my mind.
Yeah?
I thought it opened for the summer. Cross ventilation, you know.
Portland, that happens to be one of my jokes. I have told it already.
You know, there is a limit to how far this community property thing can go.
Excuse me Fred, I was on the wrong page.
Well now look Portland, take my advice. When you're on the wrong page, never read one of my lines.
Read one of Groucho Marx's lines and get yourself a laugh at least.
What I started to say, Tallulah, was that if you can't get down to the unemployment office,
I'll be glad to stand in for you. I go there anyway to collect my check.
And you get up at 9 o'clock in the morning.
Oh, it's no trouble. It's on my way to work.
Portland, please, your voice carries.
Hello Tallulah.
Hello Margaret, ladies and gentlemen, Margaret Truman.
Tallulah, while I was sitting back there, a thought suddenly wafted through my mind.
Well, that's the third term for that joke.
Hello Fred, do you remember me?
Of course I do. I was on the show the last time you were on.
I even remember the song you sang, Margaret, Love Is Where You Find It,
and I even remember that dress you wore.
It was a green bouffant taffeta caught at the neck with a Hershey bar.
Am I right?
That's remarkable.
Oh, I have a memory like a jackass.
You mean a memory like an elephant, don't you?
Well, you vote your way, I'll vote yours.
Margaret, you've met Portland Hufford, darling.
Certainly. Hello, Portland.
Hello, excellency.
Margaret, it's so nice to have you on our last show for the season.
We're disbanding for the summer, you know.
Yes, I know. Where are you going to spend your summer, Tallulah?
Well, I haven't quite made up my mind.
I have a beautiful place in the country, but I had such a bad experience there last winter
when I went there for a weekend.
I slipped on the ice and was laid up for two weeks.
How my foot ever got in that glass, I'll never know.
Say, Tallulah.
Yes?
Why don't you pack your mink sleeping bag with the rhinestone zipper
and come to visit us this summer?
We have a very nice place in New Hampshire.
We'd love to have you, Tallulah.
It's beautiful country.
On a clear day, you can see the Alps.
The Alps in New Hampshire?
George and Betty Alps.
They live about a mile down the road.
I'd love to have you come with me, Tallulah.
I'm thinking of going down to Key West for some sailing and fishing.
Oh, Key West. I'd adore that. I love the ocean.
And I'd like nothing better than to get up every morning at the crack of noon and go sailing.
That's good. I might even take some singing lessons down there.
Oh, but that's wonderful, Margaret. Maybe I could take a few lessons, too.
Oh, that sounds entrancing. Sailing along Key West and singing.
That's for you, Tallulah. Singing off Key West.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Ah, isn't he unemployed?
LAUGHTER
Well, Margaret, how about a song from you?
But, Tallulah, I thought if I came on the program, you'd let me do some acting.
I'm an actress now. Did you hear me on the radio with Jimmy Stewart and Jack Potts?
Oh, I never listened to those quiz shows, darling.
No, it was a dramatic program. I acted a part.
That's what I think you can use on this show. An actress.
Let's not have any of that nonsense here, Maggie.
Besides, we have no time. The program is much too full.
Oh, that's a shame. I was looking forward to acting with a great actress like you.
Oh, well, of course, darling.
Isn't he sweet?
Well, now, let me see. I can cut out Fred Allen and Groucho, of course, and Jessel.
And Tengie Rogers is too competitive anyway.
Now, you go ahead and sing, and I'll figure out something for a little later, huh?
What is your song, Margaret?
Un molto di gioia by Mozart.
Meredith, how about some accompaniment for Margaret, if you please?
Un molto di gioia mi sento in cheta, che non si rende in mezza timor.
Spera in chinka, attenta, finiscia la follo, non sembri, non sembri loco.
Per faro e l'amor, per faro e l'amor.
Un modo di gioia mi sento in cheta, che non si rende in mezza timor.
Spera in chinka, attenta, finiscia la follo, non sembri, non sembri loco.
Per faro e l'amor, per faro e l'amor.
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Well, Tallulah, do I get to do some acting now?
Yes, darling, I think you and I can do a little dramatic sketch now,
because we had planned originally to have Groucho Marx sing a song here,
but I'm sure he won't mind, because Groucho is sweet, lovable, generous and considerate.
That is a base canard, and when you say it, it's very base.
Groucho, would you like to meet Margaret Truman?
Why not? I'm democratic.
Hello, Groucho.
Hello, Margaret.
Would you give up that song you were going to do so Tallulah and I can do a dramatic sketch?
I just turned Republican.
Now, Groucho, you've been very well represented on this show.
So she sings and I can't. What are we coming to? Taxation without representation. I demand a vote.
All right, that's an idea. We'll put it to a vote. Fred, I want to ask you something.
Well, you see, it was a quiz show and they put it on opposite names.
Well, we know where you stand.
In the unemployment line.
Ginger, come over here a minute, will you, darling?
Margaret, have you met Ginger Rogers?
Well, you two should know each other. You're both from Independence, Missouri.
Oh, certainly. How are you, Ginger?
Hello, Margaret.
Oh, Ginger, before you two get involved, we're having a discussion here.
Now, Groucho Marx wants to sing a song and Margaret Truman wants to appear in a dramatic sketch.
What do you vote for?
Well, this is a switch for me, but I vote for Truman.
I'm going to tell your old lady.
I demand a recount.
Well, Groucho, I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll leave it to Georgie Jessel to arbitrate. Georgie, come here, will you, darling? We're having a discussion.
Yes, I've been listening. Hello, Margaret, my dear. It's good to see you.
Hello, Georgie. Well, what are you for? Listening to Groucho sing or hearing me do a dramatic sketch?
This is a choice?
No wonder movies are better than ever. However, as I see this, it boils down to the basic problem that is facing all of us today.
Truman or Marx? Naturally, I am proud to vote for Truman.
You see, Groucho, you lose. Now, just accept your question.
Oh, it doesn't matter to me. It's just a little song I had that would wake up this whole audience.
A little schnitzel called Go West written by Kalman Ruby. Harry Ruby, that is.
You mean that song Go West from the picture you made called Copacabana?
Well, I'll tell you what. Let's hear it. And if it's no good, we won't let him do it.
Okay. Well, sing it, Groucho. Let's hear how it goes.
Mr. Horace Greeley was no fool. I'm sure that you agree with me.
That Greeley was no fool. What he is getting at is that Mr. Greeley was no fool.
The wisdom of that man can be denied by the law. For he's the one who said.
Before you go to Buffalo, to Baltimore or Borneo, to Easton, Pennsylvania or Japan.
Go West, young man. If you go to that land, sonny, you will make a lot of money.
If you bring the money with you when you come. To the long ferry. Yippee, yippee, yippee.
Yippee, yippee, yippee. Before you read a travel ad and scamper off to Trinidad.
To Albany, New York or Yucatan. Go West, young man. In the East they live on donuts.
In the West the natives grow nuts. And I'll guarantee you'll go nuts if you come.
To the long ferry. Yippee, yi, yippee, yi. Yippee, yi, yi, yi. Yippee, yi, yippee, yippee.
A cowboy's gal is a real true pal. She will stick to him right or wrong.
She don't say nothing and she don't do nothing. She don't know nothing and she don't want nothing.
But a horse and a cowboy. For she just keeps rolling along.
Go West, young man. Go where the air puts hair on your chest, young man.
You can ride a bucking bronco or a pony. You can cut a calf in half and make baloney.
Go West, young man. Go right out there and give them the very best you can.
Don't go East, don't go South, don't go North, have a care. Don't go up, don't go down, don't go here, don't go there.
If it's true what they say about Dixie. Go West, young man. Go out and till the soil there.
Dig for gold and you'll find oil there. As the crow flies when the snow flies. Go Westward home.
If you are fond of hunting, there's no place that can compare. You may not bag a lion or a tiger or a bear.
But if you want a jackass, there are plenty of them there. Go West, young man. We suggest you go West, young man.
The judges there are very fair. They always are, of course. A cowboy and his missus went to court for a divorce.
The missus got the children and the husband got the horse. Go West, young man. We suggest you go West, young man.
In sunny California, when the clouds are breaking loose and you complain about the rain, they give you this excuse.
It isn't raining rain, you know. It's raining orange juice. Go West, go West, young man.
Well, Georgie, shall we let him sing it?
It's no good and I don't like it. I won't sing it.
Good. Tallulah, may we do our dramatic sketch now?
Not just yet, Margie, darling. Here's some great big important news just for us girls.
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How do you like this radio? But look at this plot. He should sing, he shouldn't sing, he sings anyhow.
The new one was going to sing anyway. The whole thing takes an hour and a half, then a man comes out selling towels for one minute,
and he plays for the whole semis we got here tonight.
Well, Tallulah. Yes, darling? May we do our dramatic sketch now? Okay. We'll do it now.
Oh, excuse me, Tallulah. You'll have to wait just a moment while I remind everyone that this portion of the program
has been brought to you by the makers of Anison for fast relief from the pain of headache, neuritis, and neuralgia.
By RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television,
and by famous cannon towels, the world's most popular towels, the towels that give you the most for your money.
And now, Tallulah, would you care to ring your chimes?
Why, thank you, Ed. I certainly would. We'll be back in a moment with all of our stars.
In the meantime, darlings, I just want to say that this is NBC, the national broadcasting company.
This is the big show, and here is Tallulah Bankhead to introduce her next guest.
Yes, darlings, I promised Margaret Truman that she could do some acting with me. And now we'll just...
You know, Tallulah, this is a very nice thing that you're doing for this young girl,
because I happened to have heard Miss Truman when she acted with Jimmy Stewart in Hollywood, and she was very fine.
I'm saying that not because she's somebody's daughter.
I would have said it even if she wanted to scant his daughters. What do you think of that?
And while we're on the subject of Hollywood, Tallulah, I would like to say a few warm words about the place.
Sweet Hollywood, fairest village of the film, is the most syndicates and censored locale in the world,
and this is the penalty that glamour must pay, because it is the mecca of all the stake-struck people in the world,
and their opinions are formed by how sweetly Hollywood smiles upon them.
Actors, actresses, authors and directors, if they get a good contract, there's no place like Hollywood in all the world.
Broadway is Corny Island. Zanuck is a genius, and Mayer is a great gentleman.
If the actors, actresses, authors and directors have their options dropped, aye, there's the rub.
Then Hollywood is a sewer with service from the wall of history.
And Broadway is the only place in the world, and when you leave it, you're camping out.
Hollywood, fui. Mayer is a jockey, and Zanuck is a chlamy.
Known but the ones on the inside realized how tough it is to get anything on the screen.
Now let me explain something. You are subject to every synthetic element in making a motion picture.
An emotional close-up is made. My baby, my baby, the actress wails.
The tears stream from her eyes. Cut! says the director. Even the electricians applaud.
But the following day, when they see what they call the rushes, the film shows that a little baby fly
walked through the close-up, and this fly turns out to be as big as Sophie Tucker.
Every newspaper in the world lays in wait to exaggerate or embellish each incident on the Hollywood scene.
An actor friend of mine stopped on the street the other day.
An excited man asked him, say, what do you think about a man who rides around in the middle of the night on a horse, yelling?
My friend said, I think he's crazy. Oh yeah? Knocking Paul Revere, huh? You're a red.
Now let me tell you something. It's so much harder to produce for the screen than it is for the theater or the bookstore.
For the screen producer does not have the complete canvas of life to paint upon.
He's held within the tight bonds of continually having in mind the pre-adolescent age and the strict change of several forms of censorship.
This censorship is oft times wise, and many, many times it's...
Anyway, it still has to be saluted by the motion picture producer.
Now, for example, in most of the plays in the books that are currently successful, let's take a book like From Here to Eternity.
All we'd be able to use in the pictures are a few lines like, Here he comes now, or tell Sam I'll be back soon.
Suppose I tried to produce for the screen South Pacific.
Well, you know how the play opens.
Signor Pinzer crosses a crowded room to have an enchanted evening, and he talks about the two children that are on the stage with him.
We'd have to change that for the screen.
Those kids would have to turn out to be two young Annapolis cadets who single-handed lifted the battleship Missouri off the shoals of Chesapeake Bay.
But of course, Mrs. Hammerstein and Rogers can do no wrong.
Added to their great genius, whatever they touch, is open sesame to success.
They opened a new play in Boston not long ago, played an old theater there.
The only was the play an immediate success, but while rehearsing in the cellar, they found a trunk full of gold left by a lot of crabtree in 1880.
And so I like Hollywood.
Personally, I've had a fine time there the last eight years producing pictures.
But as you know, or most of you do, I've spent a lifetime on the stage.
I was nine years old when I first went on over 26 years ago.
And easy.
And matter of fact, I can't remember the night I made my debut. I only remembered that the corner player in the orchestra was General Custer.
And we call him Sonny, Sonny Custer.
But of times, of times, my friends and Tallulah, I am confused with my contemporaries.
This morning, while coming to the studio, a lady rushed up to me and said, Mr. Jessel, I haven't seen you in many years.
I remember when you played my own hometown in Rubber Nose, Wisconsin in 1910.
You're all blacked up. You came on the stage and you sang California, Here I Come.
Well, I see that lady before me now. And it was not me who sang that song. It was the great Mr. Jolson.
So, Meredith, play Californian Sea for the lady and I'll sing it as he might have done it in 1910.
California, here I come.
Right back where I started from.
The flowers, the flowers bloom in the spring.
Each morning, at dawn, little birdies sing like anything.
A sun-kissed miss said, honey, don't be late.
You go tonight, I can hardly wait.
Open up that golden gate.
California, here I come.
Ah, California, here I come, yeah.
Right back where I started from.
The flowers, the flowers bloom in the spring.
Each morning, at dawn, little birdies sing like anything.
A sun-kissed miss said, honey, don't be late.
You know that I, I can hardly wait.
Open up, open up, open up that golden gate.
California, here I come.
A fellow at the airport said to me, well, Mr. Jessel, you're looking older than you did before.
I remember you in the fallas of 1908.
How are your five daughters?
Here's who he meant.
You knew Susie like I know Susie.
Oh, oh, oh, what a girl.
This sweet young lassie is oh so classy.
Oh, oh, oh, my goodness, what a chassis.
I had a mustache, that's two years of pump.
Susie kissed me and she burned the nothing up.
And you knew Susie like I know Susie.
Oh, what a girl.
Well, there's only one Georgie Jessel, and we are thankful we finally got him on the big show.
Now, Tallulah?
Yes, now, darling.
Margaret, get into your grease paint and be ready to present one of Dorothy Parker's most famous tales, entitled, Advice to the Little Patent Girl.
The time is always. The characters, Sylvie Paton, played by Margaret Truman, and I play her older, wiser, and oh so understanding confidant, Miss Marion.
The scene is my living room. Sylvie Paton has come to me with her problem, the Barkley boy, whom she hasn't seen for two full weeks.
What shall I do, Miss Marion?
You like him so much? Really, Sylvie?
I, yes, you see, it's so awful without him, it's so awful.
You see, we saw each other every day, every single day, all summer.
And he'd always telephone me when he got home, even if he left me ten minutes before.
He'd always call me as soon as he woke up to say good morning and tell me he was coming over.
Every day?
Every day. Oh, Miss Marion, you don't know how lovely it was.
Oh, yes, I do, dear. I know, Sylvie.
And then it just stopped. It just suddenly stopped.
Suddenly, Sylvie?
Well, why, one night, you see, he'd been over at our house. We'd been sitting on the porch.
And then he went home and he didn't telephone me. And I waited and waited.
I can't tell you how awful it was. You wouldn't think it would matter that much that he didn't call up, would you? But it did.
I know it did. It does.
I couldn't sleep. I couldn't do anything. It got to be half past two.
I couldn't imagine what had happened. I thought he'd smashed up in his car or something.
I wonder if you really thought that, dear.
No. Well, you see, there was a dance at the club and we'd sort of thought of going.
Only I, well, I didn't want to go to dances very much. It was much nicer just being alone with him.
Of course, Sylvie.
I guess what I thought was that he'd gone on to the dance when he left our house. And I got so I just couldn't stand it.
Yes, Sylvie. And what did you do?
I called him up.
I see. So you called him up. How old are you, Sylvie? Twenty-something, aren't you?
Well, I've seen women of thirty-something make just the same mistakes. And was he at home when you called?
Yes. Well, I woke him up, you see, and he wasn't very nice about it.
And he hadn't been to the dance, had he?
That's what he said. But I didn't believe him. So I cried.
On the phone? Did he hear you?
I guess so. Then he hung up on me. And I just couldn't bear that, not saying good night or anything. And so the...
You called him back?
Yes, Miss Marion.
Oh, my poor child.
He said he was sorry he'd hung up, that everything was all right.
Only I asked him again, wouldn't he please tell me honestly whether he'd been to the dance.
And he... oh, he just talked awfully, Miss Marion. I can't tell you.
Please don't, dear. Please don't.
So after that, lots of times he didn't telephone. And then there were days he didn't come over.
He'd be playing tennis and things with other people.
And then Kitty Granger came back from Dark Harbor.
I guess... well, I guess he went over to her house a lot. They all do.
Did you tell him you didn't like that, Sylvie?
Yes, I did, Miss Marion. I couldn't help it. It made me so mad. She's an awful girl, just awful.
It made me simply wild that he'd rather be with her than with me.
Honestly, it wouldn't have been so bad if it had been some terribly nice girl, someone miles more attractive than me.
That wouldn't have been so bad, would it, Miss Marion?
I don't know, dear. I'm afraid one never thinks a man leaves one for a finer woman.
But, Sylvie, one never points out the imperfections of his friends.
Well, I couldn't help it. So we had some terrible rows.
Then I sort of saw him less and less. And you see, every time he came over...
Well, I was so scared it was the last time that I wasn't much fun, I guess.
I imagine not.
I was asking him what was the matter that he didn't come over every day the way he used to,
and he said there wasn't a thing the matter. Honestly, he did, Miss Marion.
I believe you.
Now it's been two weeks and I haven't seen him.
I didn't know that you could see somebody every day, all the time, and then it would just stop.
I didn't think it could stop.
Were you ever afraid it would, Sylvie?
The last time I saw him, I was. He's so attractive and everything.
I was always scared about other girls. I used to tell him...
Oh, I knew he'd throw me over. It was just fooling, of course. But it wasn't, too.
Sylvie, men dislike dismal prophecies.
I know Bunny Barclay is only twenty-something, but all men are the same age,
and they all hate the same things.
Oh, I wish I were like you. I wish I always knew what to do.
If only I could see him, talk things over, if we could just get things straightened out.
No, dear. Men hate straightening out on pessimists.
They detest talking things over.
Let the past die, child. Go on gaily from its unmarked grave.
Remember, when you see that boy again, behave as you've been laughing together just an hour before.
But maybe I'll never see him again.
Of course you will. Don't you ever go to the club to play tennis?
I haven't been for ages. They all ask what's the matter between Bunny and me.
When I say there's nothing the matter, they look at me so queerly.
But he said there was nothing the matter. Didn't he mean it?
I'm afraid he didn't.
Then what is it? Please tell me what to do. Tell me what you do, that everyone loves you so.
I'll do anything on earth you say. I was going to see him again.
Do you think... do you think maybe it could ever be the way it was?
You'll be listened. Yes, I think you two may be close again.
But it is you that must accomplish it.
It isn't going to be easy. It isn't going to be quick.
You must have two things, patience and courage.
You must not telephone him again.
You must not sit home and wait for the phone to ring.
Go out and make yourself gay, and gayety will come to you.
And when you meet him again, it must be all different.
For there was something the trouble, no matter what he says.
Something deeply the trouble.
You must be light, and you must be easy.
For ease is the desire of all men.
And there must never be reproaches, no rouse.
Nothing so embarrasses a man as to see a woman lose her dignity.
Oh, Miss Marion.
And remember Sylvie, love is like quicksilver in the palm.
Leave the fingers open and it stays in the hand.
Clutch it, and like quicksilver it darts away.
And trust him, Sylvie.
He's not deliberately hurting you.
He never will unless you suggest it.
Trust yourself too.
Don't let yourself become insecure.
It sounds an impudence to remind you that there are always others,
when I know that it is only he you want.
But it is heartening thought.
And he is not to know that he is the son,
and there is no life without him.
He must never know that again.
It's a long way and a hard way, Sylvie.
And you must watch every step you take along.
But it's the only way with a man.
I see. Yes, yes, I see.
I'm going to try and never do wrong things again.
I'm going to try, why, I'm going to try to be like you.
It would be so wonderful to be like you, Miss Marion.
To be wise and lovely and gentle.
Men must all adore you.
You're, well, you're just perfect.
How do you always know what is the right thing to do?
Well, you see, Sylvie, I've had several more years
than you in which to practice.
Miss Marion. Yes, dear.
How can I ever thank you for what you've done for me?
You've, you've given me back my life.
Well, now, run along now and don't forget, hold your love in your palm.
Yes, yes, yes.
Heaven help me. I hope I helped her.
May I speak to Mr. Lawrence, please?
Oh, he isn't?
Oh, is this his secretary speaking?
Could you tell me when he will be in, please?
Oh, I see.
Well, if he does come in, would you be kind enough to ask him
please to call Miss Marion?
No, Marion.
No, that's fine.
I'll try to get in.
I'll try to get in.
No, Marion. No, that's all.
That's the last name, yes.
Yes, he knows the number.
Thank you.
He knows good and well what my name is, just because he hates me.
Oh, why doesn't he want to talk to me?
Oh, he said he'd call. He said he'd call.
He said there was nothing the trouble.
He said, of course he'd call. Oh, he said no.
He says, hello. Hello.
May I speak to Mr. Lawrence, please?
Oh, hasn't he?
Well, couldn't you tell me where I could reach him?
Oh, you don't know, I see.
Well, if he does come in, would you be good enough to tell him
that Miss Marion...
Yes, he sent you, Marion, yes.
Yes, I did call before.
Please be sure to tell him to call me.
Be sure, please.
Will you? Please?
He said he'd call. He said he'd...
He said there was nothing the trouble.
He said he'd call me. He said he'd call me.
That was very fine, Kalula.
And to you, Margaret, congratulations on having become a full-fledged actress.
Ah, isn't he sweet?
I didn't know you did impersonations, too, darling.
And, Kalula, with all due respect to you and Dorothy Parker,
it seems to me that a girl with a problem about a man
certainly shouldn't go seeking advice from another woman like you,
who, incidentally, has a bit of a problem herself.
Well, what would you suggest?
Well, in these so-called modern times,
there has sprung up in shabby offices along Seventh Avenue
a profession known as domestic relations counselors.
Now, let me show you...
Let me show you how the problem of Sylvie and her boyfriend, Bunny,
could have been resolved.
Now, a little drama unfolds as Sylvie, played by Ginger Rogers,
and Bunny, played by Fred Allen,
come to the office of Dr. Hackenbush, Jr., played by Groucho Mart.
Dr. Hackenbush's diploma on the wall
proclaims that he is a graduate domestic relations counselor
with a high degree of P.H.O. N.Y.
A little shabby music, Meredith, if you please.
MUSIC
Your name is Bunny, is that right?
That's right, Doctor.
I see. And your name, young lady, is Sylvie?
Yeah, that's me.
LAUGHTER
I see. And now, how much of the $20 you want to bet?
LAUGHTER
Excuse me, it was the wrong program.
Yes, it was a quiz show they put on opposite...
LAUGHTER
Relax.
I want you to feel right at home. Cigarette, Sylvie?
Thanks ever so. Don't mind if I do, Dr. Hackenbush.
LAUGHTER
Carrot, Bunny?
Thank you.
LAUGHTER
What's up, Doc?
You didn't chew it long enough, Fred.
Now, what is the problem between you two?
Well, Doc, it's like this.
It's just awful, simply awful.
Every day he used to see me.
Every single day, all summer.
And then he telephoned me.
Even if he'd only seen me ten minutes ago.
And then, all of a sudden, nothing.
Just nothing.
No phone calls. Nothing.
Just nothing.
Wouldn't have been so bad if the other girl had been miles more attractive than me.
But this girl I've seen him with...
What's her name? Kitty or something.
Kitty Foyle.
Just nothing.
Just nothing.
Well, that's your side of the story.
Now, what have you got to say, nothing?
No.
What have you got to say? Nothing?
Well, I...
Doc, well, I...
Well, Doc, I...
Oh, I see. I thought it was Doc.
Well, Dr. Doc...
You had nothing there for a while.
LAUGHTER
You woke me up, Fred.
Now we can do as much for them. A likely start.
I have... Would you give me that last line over again?
Well, I...
A likely story. I have some advice for you, Bunny.
Love is like quicksilver in the palm.
And before I give you some advice, I want you to cross my palm with some quicksilver.
Obviously, Bunny, this girl is not for you.
You've been calling her up all the time and she doesn't want any part of you.
No, you got it wrong, Doc.
I've been calling him up all the time.
Oh, obviously, Bunny, this girl is not for you.
She's been calling you up all the time and she doesn't want any part of you.
The thing for you to do is to find another girl.
Well, that's more easily said than done, Doctor.
Nonsense. I just broke up a happy couple this morning.
This girl would be delighted to go out with you.
Here's her name and phone number.
Miss Marion?
That's right. Tallulah Marion.
Troll her up and if a man answers, don't hang up. That's her.
LAUGHTER
Gee, thanks, Doc.
Building it up, eh?
LAUGHTER
Well, that's quite all right. Goodbye.
Goodbye, Doc.
No, not you.
Stick around. Come here, Sylvie.
Yeah?
Tell me, what are you doing after the show?
Nothing. Just nothing.
Nothing. Simply nothing.
Good. We'd go to dinner, then a show, then a nightclub. How's that?
Fine, Doc.
And then what, Sylvie?
Nothing. Simply nothing.
LAUGHTER
Excuse me. I've come 3,000 miles for nothing. Simply nothing.
APPLAUSE
Groucho, Fred and Ginger, that was hilarious. Thank you, darlings.
And while I'm passing out thank yous, there are a few other thank you notes I want to send now.
For all the good things that have happened to us during this season.
I would like to say a few words of thanks to all the stars who have appeared with us here.
And who have graciously taken the kidding we've given them.
I take quite a lot of it myself, you know.
And I want to say, darlings, that in the 27 weeks this show has been on the air,
you, the wonderful people out there who have called and written,
who have given us your support, you've made me the happiest young actress in the world.
LAUGHTER
All right, the happiest actress in the world.
And I want to say a word of appreciation too to this marvellous network,
especially Charles Budberry, the VP in charge of signing my checks.
And to the rest of the talented people who get this show on the road every week.
A very deep bow to our producer director, Dee Engelbach,
who after 27 weeks on the big show has become the proud father of an ulcer.
Oh, he's so sweet, he's named it Tallulah.
To Meredith Wilson, a musical genius in the true sense of the word,
even though he can't seem to master the complexities of
Give my regards to Broadway, remember me the hell's well.
To our writers, Goodman Ace, Selma Diamond, Mort Green, George Foster and Frank Wilson,
who I am sure are convinced that any female who has discarded the braces on her teeth is an octogenarian.
To Jim Harvey, the sweet, gray haired young man who is our assistant director
and who when the show began 27 weeks ago was a sweet brown haired young man.
To Dorothy Brown, who is my choice for misproduction assistant of this or any other year
and how does she keep that trim, divine figure.
To our arranging staff and to our announcer whose name I finally learned to pronounce,
Ed Hurley who, Hurley he, Ho he, oh well whatever it is.
And to our big show orchestra and chorus, to George Vos and all the other engineers,
to Sam Monroe and all the NBC technicians associated with the big show, many, many thanks.
And to you ladies and gentlemen of the press, columns and magazines,
I am especially grateful for your kind words.
To one and all, my very sincere appreciation.
You've been darling, darlings.
And now we'll all be going our separate ways and you'll probably forget all about me.
Only I feel lonely and full of heart.
My darling, my darling.
I've wanted to call you my darling.
Oh isn't that sweet, they haven't forsaken me after all.
For many and many a day.
My darling, my darling.
I've flothered and fled like a starling.
My courage just melted away.
Now all at once you kissed me.
And there's not a thing I'm saying enough to say.
There's nothing to say, say.
My darling, my darling.
Get used to the name of my darling.
It's here to stay.
And so our curtain slowly falls until next September when we'll meet again.
Until then, may the good Lord bless and keep you.
Whether near or far away, Ginger.
May you find that long awaited golden day today, George.
May your troubles all be small ones and your fortune ten times ten, Lucien.
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again.
Both lines.
May you walk with sunlight shining and a bluebird in every tree, Raucho.
May there be a silver lining back of every cloud you see.
You know this, Meredith.
Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrows, never mind what might have been, Fred.
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again. Margaret.
May you long recall each rainbow, then you'll soon forget the rain.
May the warm and tender memories be the ones that will remain.
Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrows, never mind what might have been.
May the good Lord bless and keep you until we meet again.
May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet, till we meet again.
Again.
Good night, darlings, and God speed to our armed forces all over the world who hear these broadcasts each week.
Until next September, when the Big Show returns with the biggest names in show business, this is Ed Hurley, he's saying goodbye.
Coming up, the Phil Harris and Alice Bay show. Enjoy it on NBC.