/-
\
k
AN ACCOUNT OF THE
L I F E
OF THE REVEREND
DAVID BRAINERD,
MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL ; MISSIOXARY to the INDIANS from the
HONOURABLE SOCIETY, IN SCOTLAND, for the PROPAGATION
OF CHRISTIAN KNOWLEDGE ; and PASTOR of a CHURCH
OF CHRISTIAN INDIANS i.n NEW-JERSEY,
Who died at Northampton, in New-England, Oodober 9th, 1747, in the 30th year of his age.
Chiefly taksn^ from his own DIARY, and other PRIVATE
WRITINGS, WRIITTEN FOR HIS OH'N USEi
By JONATHAN EDWARDS, A.M.
1.ATE PRESIDENT OF the COLLEGE in NEW-JERSEY. TO W !! I C H- A R E ADDED
EXTRACTS from Mr. Br ainerd*s JOURNAL,
COMPRISING THE MOST MATERIAL THINGS IN THAT PUBLICATION.
PRINTED AT H'O RC E STE R, MASSACHUSETTS,
J3 Y £ E O N A R D WORCESTER,
///UjCd^^^ ^^-^-^^ ~
S'Si^ft
The E D I T O R*s
PREFACE.
1^ is acknowledged on all hands that one method of conveying religious and jno'fal inJlruHion is hy example. This is a medium of dijfeminating truths mid extending the influence of virtue y which is accom^ modated to every capacity , and adapted in a peculiar man^ ner to meet the feelings of mankind. Examples y drawn
jf{flfy* exhibit the deformity of vice, and the beauty of virtue ; not with the languor of mere fpeculation, but with the energy offlriki/tg faB, in which the legiti" mate effeEl offentiment isfeen: The example furnifh&d in the following pages is that offlriB and almofl ufiva- tying piety. The chriflian lije of Mr. Brainerd^ though Jhort, was lovely. It was fueh as has flrik- ingly adorned the doctrine of God our Saviour, and^ as delineated in this volume ^ prefents the rnofl falutary injiru^lion to all defc rip t ions of men. It is removed
from oflentatious feeming zeal on the one hand, and a
flupid jnaclion on the other ; from enthufiafm, and form'- ality. Here we may fee the leading fentiments of the
gofpel, having their ge?iuine influence on the hearty and
A i; reduced
1
4 The E D I T O R*s
reduced to a uniform praci'ice ; the realfpirit ofchrijli- anity.firipped of all difguife, and forming an obvious contrajl to the barren indevout lives of thoufands of profeffors. Mr. Brainerdwas achriflian, not in name only ; but in reality, in life, in the progrcffive ardour of true godlinefs. His religion was fupernaluraU and ex- perimental; founded in holy love, conflituting a bond of union to God, embracing all the intcrcjis of his gov- ernment ^ and refembling his pure nature. It was. not the 7nere decency of a reformed life, the popular goodnefs of the prefent day. It reached the heart, and formed the ■chara&er of the whole man* It did not conftfl in a be- ing profelyted to one party or the other, but in a cor- dial, unco?iditional, perfevering devotednefs to God through the grace which is by Jefus Chrifl. Since injiances of equal piety are rare, efpecially at the pref- ent day, it is happy for the caufe of religion thai fuch a life has been preferved from oblivion, and that, through the medium of the prefs, it may be fpread abroad, as an objcdl of refrefloi?tg contemplation to Gpd*s people, and /IS afource ofrcjlraint and conviBion to finners. T^he ILife of Mr, Brai?ierd, prefentedto the public k by Pref- ident Edwards, of which the following, excepting fome few retrenchments, is an exa£l copy, has always been read with pleafure and improvement by the friends of pure chriflianity. And the editor cannot but flatter himfelf, that, under the bleffing of God, the prefent edi- tion may have its utility, in the fecurity of the fame gr^at obje5ls, the conviction of finners, and the edifica- tion and confolatiQn of fome ^ at leaji, of the children of
Zion
PREFACE. i
Zio7i, ■ 77'<? autheiiticity of 'what is exhibited in the Life and 'Journal of Mr, Brainerd, can admit of no doubt ; fince the former was publifJjed by a gentleman 'whofe reputation for leaj-ning^ integrity, and univerfal piety ^ is eflablifhed even beyond the cavils of impie- ty itfelf and was compiled by him chiefly from Mr. Brainerd^s own Diary ; and fince the latter was writ' ten by Mr. Brainerd^s own hand, was attefiedby fever^ al reputable miniflers of the gofpel, a?id'was publijhed under the fan 61 ion and patronage of the Society for prop- agating Chrifiian Knowledge in Scotland. With re" fpeB to the retrenchments which have been made, the editor has ex^rcifedbis befl judgment , Nothing, infa6f, has been fiippreffed which was of importance to anim' partial dif play of Mr. Brainerd's charaBer ; nothing but what had either been repeatedly fold before, or was local, or referred to circumfian-ces in which the reader cannot be interefled. The objeB of the retrenchments was merely to exclude what was fuperfuous, ^dthout concealing a Jingle trait of charaBer , or a fngle fenti^ ment ; to reduce, injhort, all that was confide rably valuable within afmaUcr compafs. Whatever opinion the critical reader may have of this alteration ; wheth- er he may think it an amendment or difj'ervice, the edi- tor is confdent, that the volume, as it is nowprefentcd, will be deemed by all the friends of experimental religion as a valuable pojfcj/ion. " If we have a t a fie for moral beauty, if we love what conflitutes the glory ofGodhim- felf, we fhall find jatisfatlion in perujing the following pages. May ivefi^id fpiritual improvement alfo. May
A 3 we
6 The EDITOR'S
we bepro?npted, in imitation of this eminent fervant of God, to gird up the loins of our minds, to make an habits ual confecration of ourf elves to the will and fej'vice of Gody and like him find, in our own progreffive experi^ ence, that the ways of wifdom are ways of pleafant- nefs, and that all her paths are peace, ne ferious reader will unavoidably make an efiimate of his own fpiritualflate, inacomparifon with what Mr. Brainerd appears to have experienced, and the manner in which he lived. The trial will be f eve re ; but if made judi- cioufly it can have no ill effe6i. As, however, Jo/ne of God's people, who are rather prone to view things on the dark fide, may be in danger of mifcalculating^ it can- not be improper to obferve, that a man may be a real chriflian, though he be not of the fiature of Mr. Brai- nerd. His life is not exhibited to the puhlick view as a Jlandard, to the complete meafure of which every one mufl come or not befaved» It is believed that the fpir" it of vital chrifiianity is in its nature every where the fam^e, and that, in the general, the fame things in kind mvfl be experieticed, the fame affeBions exercifed, and the fame holy converfation maintained : But of true chrifiians there are undoubtedly fame of a larger, and fome of a f nailer growth . If we have the diflinguifhing evidences of a fate of grace, though not with the fame in- dubitable clearnefs with which Mr. Brainerd. Jeems to have been favoured, we are alkwed to entertain hope to- wards God,and foould do wrong to rejcB the confolations which infinite mercy may prefent us. Thefirong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak ; and the weak, in-.
■ fiead
PREFACE. ^
Jlead of Jinking into a dejeBed unpy qfitable defpondency^ ought to prefs forward to perfeBion.
It is manifefi that Mr Brainerd was, from his con*
Jlitutional habit, inclined to melancholy. His bodily
health was generally low. And the peculiar circum^
fiances into which he was thrown in the prefecution of
his pub lick duty, confpired with his natural infirmities
to plunge him often into extreme dejeBion, This de^
jeBion the carelefft! reader may impute to his particular
views of chrifiianity. But they ought not tobecort^
founded. This dejeBion formed no part of his religion.
It was merely animal. His religion, in faB, was his
_ only relief from his depreffions. That the reader may
be exempted from that unhappy portion of his experience
and enjoy the infinitely precious part, the divine co}7fo^
lations with which he was favoured, is the fervent
prayer of his friend andfervant in 'Jefus Chrijt,
SAMUEL AUSTIN^
Worcester, May 29th, 1793.
A 4 ADVERTISEMExNT.
•^•^*->»'<$^2?<§X^?©:<f=£>V< *t-<
ADVERTISEMENT.
TN the fubfcription papers the publick had a partial encouragement that (hould the fubfcribers be numerous, there would be a diminu- tion of the price. The expectations of the Editor are not fully anfwer- ed in this refpefl. But had they been anfwered, the addition cf moye than fifty pages to the number mentioned in the conditions will be con- fidcred as an ample equivalent to fuch a benefit, and be a fecurity frona all poflible imputation.
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^t^^
THE
OF THE REVEREND
DAVID BRAINERD.
PART I.
^roDi his Birth, to the time i£:be?2 he began to devote himfelf to //jf S T u d Y ^Z" D i v i n i T Y , //z order to his being fitted for the Work of the Ministry.
[1^ yfR. David Brainerd was born April 20, 1718, iVJL at Haddam, a town belonging to the county ofMiddlefex, in the ftate of Connedicut, New-En- gland. His father, who died when this hisfonwas about nine years of age, was the Worfliipful Hezeki- ah Brainerd, Efqj anafliftant, or one of his Majefty's Council for the then colony, and the fon of Daniel Brainerd, Efqj a juftice of the peace, and a deacon of the church of Chrift in Haddam. His mother was Mrs. Dorothy Hobart, daughter to the Rev. Mr. Jeremiah Hobart, who preached a while at Topsfieid, and then removed to Hempflead on Long-Ifland, and afterwards remioved from Hemp- 'flead (by reafon of numbers turning Quakers, and many others being fo irreligious, that they would do nothing towards the fupport of the miniftry) and came and fettled in the work of theminiliry at Had- dam : Where he died in the 85th year of his age ; Of whom it is remarkable, that he went to the pub- lick
10 The life of
lick wor/hip in the forenoon, and died in his chair between meetings. And this Rev. gentleman was fon of the Rev. Mr. Peter Hobart, who was firft minifter of the gofpel at Hingham, in the county of Norfolk in England, and by reafon of the perlecu- tion of the puritans, removed with his family to New-England, and was fettled in the miniftry at Hmg- ham,in MafTachufetts. The mother of Mrs. Dorothy Hobart (who was afterwards Brainerd j was daughter to the Rev. Mr. Samuel Whiting, minifter of the gofpel, firft at Bofton in Lincolnfhire, and afterwards at Lynn in MafTachufetts, New-Engiand : He had three fons that were miniflers of the gofpel.
Mr. David Brainerd was the third fon of his pa- rents. They had five fons and four daughters. Their eldefl fon was Hezekiah Brainerd, Efq; a juf- tice of the peace, and for feveral years a reprefenta- tive of the town of Haddam, in the General AfTem- bly of Connedticut. The fecond was the Rev. Mr. Nehemiah Brainerd, a worthy minifler at Eaftbury in Connedicut, who died of a confumption, Novem- ber 10, 1742. The fourth was Mr. John Brainerd, who fucceeded his brother David, as miffionary to the Indians, and paftor of the fame church of chriflian Indians in Newrjerfey : And the fifth was Ifrael, ftudent at Yale-College in New-Haven, who died foon after his brother David. Mrs. Dorothy Brainerd having lived feveral years a widow, died when her fon, (whofe life I am about to give an ac- count of,) was about fourteen years of age : So that in his youth he was left both fatherlei's and mother- ]efs. What account be has given of himfclf, and his own life, may be feen in what follows.]
I WAS, I think, from my youth, fornethingfober, ' and inclined rather to melancholy, than the contrary extreme ; but do not remember any thing of convic- tion of fjn, worthy of remark, until I was, I believe, .
about
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. ii
about feven or eight years of age j when I became fomcihing concerned for my foul, and terrified at the thoughts of death, and was driven to the per- formance of duties*. But it appeared a mclancholj'" buiincfs, and deftroyed my eagernefs for play. And alas ! this religious concern was but Ihortlived. However, 1 fometimes attended fecret prayer ; and thus lived at eafe in Zion, u- it bout God in the world, and without much concern, as 1 remember, until I was above thirteen years of age. But fome time in the winter, 1732,! was fomething roufed out of car- nal fecurity, by I fcarce knew what means at firif ; but was much excited by the prevailing of a mortal ficknefs in Haddam. 1 was frequent, conffant, and ibmething fervent in duties, and took delight in read- ing, efpecially Mr. Janeway's Token for Children; I felt fometimes much melted in duties, and took great delight in the performance of them : And I fometimes hoped that 1 was converted, or at leaftin a good and hopeful way for heaven and happinefs, not knowing what converfion was. The Spirit of God at this time proceeded far with me j 1 was re- markably dead to the world, and my thoughts were almoft wholly employed about my fouFs concerns ; and 1 may indeed fay, almoji I was perfuaded to be a chrijlian. I wasalfo exceedingly diftreiled and mel- ancholy at the death of my mother, in March, 1732. But afterwards my religious concern began to de- cline, and I by degrees fell back into a confidcrable degree of fecurity ; though 1 Hill attended fecret prayer frequently.
About the 15th of April, 1733, I removed from my father's hcufe to Ea(l-Haddam, where I fpent four years, but llill without God in the world ; though
for
* The rrader will find from the general current of Mr. Brainerd's writings, ihatoy the term duty, he doth no' mean any real, genuine compliance with the law or gou pel, but certain external perlormanccs, the rclult of ronviilion and concern or.ly, and entirely compatible wiih leiguing enmity of Ueitr; to C;o4>
12 TheLIFEof
for the moft part I went a round of fecret duty. I was not exceedingly addidted to young company, or frolicking (as it is called.) But this 1 know, that when I did go into company, I never returned from a frolick in my life, with fo good a conicience as I went with : It always added new guilt to me, and made me afraid to come to the throne of grace, and fpoiled thofe good frames, I was wont fometimes to pleafe myfelf with. But alas ! all my good frames were but felf righteoufnefs, not bottomed on a defire for the glory of God .
About the latter end of April, 1737, being full nineteen years of age, I removed to Durham, and began to work on my farm, and fo continued the year out, or near, until I was twenty years old, fre- quently longing, from a natural inclination, after a liberal education. When I was about twenty years of age, I applied myfelf to fludy ; and fome time be- fore, was more than ordinarily excited to and in du- ty : But now engaged more than ever in the duties of religion. I became very ftrid:, and watchful over my thoughts, words, and adions j and thought I muft be fober indeed, becaufe I defigned to devote my felf to the miniftry ; and imagined I did dedicate myfelf to the Lord.
Sometime in April, 1738, I went to Mr. Fifke's, and lived with him, during his life*. And I remem- ber, he advifedme wholly to abandon young compa- ny, and aflbciate myfelf with grave elderly people : Which counfel I followed ; and my manner of life was now exceeding regular, and full of religion, fuch as it was : For I read my Bible more than twice through in lefs than a year, I fpent much time every day in fecret prayer, and other fecret duties : 1 gave great attention to the word preached, and endeavour- ed to my utmofl to retain it. So much concerned
was
• Mr. rilkc was the pallor of the church in Haddam,
Mr. D A VI D BR AINERD. 13
was I about religion, that I agreed with fome young perfons to meet privateh'' on Sabbath evenings for re- ligious exercifes, and thought my felffincere in thefe duties ; and after our meeting was ended, I ufed to repeat the difcourfes of the day to myfelf, and recoi- led: what I could, though fometimes it was very late in the night. Again on Monday mornings, I ufed fometimes to recoiled: the fame fcrmons. And I had fometimes confiderable rnovings of affedionsin duties, and much pleafure, and had many thoughts of joining to the church. In fliort, I had a very good outfide, and refted entirely on my duties, though I was not fenfible of it.
After Mr. Fiflce's death, I proceeded in my learn- ing with my brother ; and was flillvery conllant in religious duties, and often wondered at the levity of profcffors ; it was a trouble to me, that they were fo carelcfs in religious matters. Thus I proceeded a confiderable length on a felf righteous foundation; and riiould have been entirely loll and undone, had not the mere mercy of God prevented.
Some rime in the beginning of winter, anno 1738, it plcafed God, on one Sabbath day morning, as I was walking out for fome fecret duties (as I remem- ber) to give me on a fndden fuch a fenfe of my dan- ger and the v\rath of God, that I ftood amazed, and my former good frames, that I had pleafed myfelf ^^'ith, all prefently vaniflicd ; and from the view, that I had of my fm and vilene[s, I was much dif- trelTed all that day, fearing the- vengeance of God would foon overtake me ; I was much dejected, and kept much alone, and fometimes begrudged the birds and beaits their happinefs, becaufe they were not ex- pofed to eternal mifery, as I evidently faw I was. And thus I lived from day to day, being frequently in great diflrefs. Sometimes there appeared moun- tains before me to Obllrud my hopes of mercy ; and
the
14 TheLIFEof
the work of converfion appeared fo great, I thought I (hould never be the fubjed: of it : But ufed how- ever, to pray and cry to God, and perform other du- ties with great earneftnefs, and hoped by fome means to make the cafe better. And though I, hun- dreds of times, renounced all pretences of any w©rth in my duties (as I thought) even in the feafonof the performance of them, and often confefTed to God that I deferved nothing for the very bcft of them, but eternal condemnation : Yet {till I had a fecrct latent hope of recommending myfelf to Godi)y my religious duties ; and when J prayed affectionately, and my heart feemed in fome meafure to melt, I hoped God would be thereby moved to pity me ; my prayers then looked with fome appearance of good- nefs in them, and I feemed to mourn for fin ; and then I could in fome meafure venture on the mercy of God in Chrifl, (as I thought ;) though the pre- ponderating thought and foundation of my hope was fome imagination of goodnefsin my heart meltings, and flowing of affedlions in duty, and fometimes ex- traordinary enlargements therein, &c. Though at fome times the gate appeared fo very ftrait, that it looked next to impoflible to enter, yet at other times I flattered myfelf that it was not fo very difficult, and hoped I fhould by diligence and watchfulnefs foon gain the point. Sometimes after enlargement in duty and confiderable affe(5tion, I hoped I had made a good ftep towards heaven, and imagined that God was affected as 1 v/as, and that he would hear fuch fincere cries, (as I called them) and fo fometimes when I withdrew for fecret duties in great diftrefs, I returned fomething comfortable ; and thus healed myfelf with my duties.
Some time in February, 1738,9,1 fet apart a day for fecret faffing and prayer, and fpent the day in al- moft inceffant cries to God for mercy, that he would
open
^ Mr. DAVID BR A I NERD. 15
open my eyes to fee the evil of fin, and the way of life by Jefus Chriil. And God was pleafed that day to make confiderable difcoveries of my heart to me : But ftill I trufled in all the duties I performed ; though there was no manner of goodnefs in the du- ties I then performed, there being no manner of re- fpecft to the glory of God in them, nor any fuch prin- ciple in my heart : Yet God was pleafed to make my endeavours that day, a means to Ihew me my helpleflhefs, in fomemeafure.
Sometimes I was greatly encouraged, and imagin- ed that God loved me and was pleafed with me, and thought I fhould foon be fully reconciled to God ; while the whole was founded on mere prefumption, arifing from enlargement in duty, or flowing of af- fections, or fome good refolutions, and the like. And when, at times,, great diftrefs began to arife, on a fight of my vilenefs and nakednefs, and inability to deliver myfelf from a fovereign God, I ufed to put off the difcovery, as what I could not bear. Once, I remember, a terrible pang of diftrefs feized me, and the thoughts of renouncing myfelf, and ftand- ing naked before God, ftripped of all goodnefs, were fo dreadful to me, that I was ready to fay to them as Felix to Paul, Go thy way for this time. Thus, though I daily longed for greater convid:iori of fin, fuppofing that I muft fee more of my dread- ful ft:ate in order to a remedy, yet when the difcov- eries of my vile hellifh heart were made to me, the fight was fo dreadful, and fhewed mc fo plainly my expofednefs to damnation, that I could not endure it. I conftantly ftrove after whatever qualifications, I imagined others obtained before the reception of Chrift, in order to recommend me to his favour. Sometimes I felt the power of an hard heart, and fuppofed it muft be foftened before Chrift would accept of mc j and when I felt any meltings of heart,
I
i6 TheLIFEof
I hoped now the work was almoft done : And hence, when my diftrefs ftill remained, I was wont to mur- mur at God's dealings with me; and thought, when others felt their hearts foftened, God fliewed them mercy : But my diftrefs remained ftill.
Sometimes I grew remifs and fluggirti, without any great convictions of fin, for a confiderable time together; but after fuch a feafon, convictions fome- times feized me more violently. One night Ire- member in particular, when I was walking fblitari- ly abroad, 1 had opened to me fuch a v\tw of my fin, that I feared the ground would cleave afunder under my feet, and become my grave, and fend my foul quick into hell, before I could get home. And though I was forced to go to bed, left my diftrefs fhould be difcovered by others, which I much fear- ed j yet I fcarce durft fteep at all, for I thought it would be a great wonder if I fhould be out of hell in the morning. And though my diftrefs was fometimes thus great, yet I greatly dreaded the lofs of convic- tions, and returning back to a ftate of carnal fecurity, and to my former infenfibility of impending wrath; which made me exceeding exa6t in my behaviour, left: I fhould ftifle the motions of God's Spirit. When at any time I took a view of my convidlions of my own finfulnefs, and thought the degree of them to be confiderable, I was wont to truft in my convic- tions : But this confidence, and the hopes that arofe in me from it, of foon making fome notable advances towards deliverance, would eafe my mind, and I foon became more fenfelefs and remifs : But then again when I difcerned my convidlions to grow lan- guid, and I thought them about to leave me, this immediately alarmed and diftrefifed me. Sometimes I expeded to take a large ftep, and get very far to- wards converfion by fome particular opportunity or
means I had in view.
The
Mr. DA VID BR AINERD. 17
The many difappointments, and great diftreffes and perplexity 1 met with, put me into a moft hor- iibie frame of contelling with the Almighty ; with an inward vehemence and virulence, finding fault with his ways oi dealing with mankind. I found great fault with the imputation of Adam's im to his pofterity : And my wicked heart often wiihed for ibme other way of falvation than by Jefus Chrift : And being Uke the troubled fca, and my thoughts confufed, i ufed to contrive to efcape the wrath of God by fome other means, and had flrange projec- tions, full of Atheifm, contriving to difappoint God*s defi^ns and decrees concerning me, or to efcape God's notice, and hide m)'felt from him : But when, upon refled.ion, I favv ihefe projections were vain, and would not ferve me^ and that I could contrive nothing for my own relief, this would throw my mind into the moil horrid frame, to wifli there was no God, or to wilh there were fome other God that could control him, 6cc. Thefe thoughts and de- lires were the fecret inclinations of my heart, that were frequently atting before I was aware ; but alas, they were mine ! although I was affrighted with them, when I came torei!e(5f on them : When I con- fidered of it, it diilrcired me, to think that my heart was fo full of enmity againjl God ; and it made me tremble, lefl God's vengeance Ihould fuddenly fall upon me. I ufed before to imagine my heart was not fo bad as the icriptures and fome other books reprcfcnted. Sometim.es I ufed to take much pains to work it up into a good framei a humble ilibmif- fivc difpoiition ; and hoped there was then fome goodnefs in me : But it may be on a fudden, the thoughts of the ftridtnefs of the law, or the fovereign- xy ot God, would fo irri'ate the corruption of my heart, that I had fo watched over, and, hoped I had Drought to a good frame, that it would break over B all
i8 T II L L I F E o r
all bounds, and biirll: forth on all fides, like fiood: of waters, when they break down their dam. But being fenfible of the necefTity of a deep humiliation in order to a faving clofe with Chrift, 1 ufed to fetmy- ^felf to work in my own heart thofeconvid:ions, that were requifite in fiich an humiliation : As, a convic- tion, that God would be juft, it hecaft me off forev- er ; and that if ever God Ihould bellow mercy on me, it would be mere grace, though I fhould be in diftrcfs many years firft, and be never fo much en- gaged in duty ; that God was not in the leaft obliged to pity me the more for all paft duties, cries, and tears, &c. Thefc things I ftrovc to my utmoft to bring myfelftoa firm belief of, and hearty affent to ; and hoped that now 1 was brought off from my- self, and truly humbled and bowed to the divine fovereignty ; and was wont to tell God in my pray- ers, that now I had thofe very difpolitions of foul that he required, and on which he fliewed mercy to ethers, and thereupon to beg and plead for mercy to me : But when 1 found no relief, and was fliil oppreffed with guilt and fears of wrath, my foul was in a tumult, and my heart rofe againfl God, as deal- ing hardly with me. Yet then my confcience flew in my face, putting me in mind of my late confef- iion to God of his juifice in my condemnation, &c. And this, giving me a light of the badnefs of my .Jieart, threw me again into diflrefs, and I wiflied [ had watched my heart more narrowly, to keep it from breaking out againft God*s dealings with me, and I even wiflied 1 had not pleaded for mercy on account of my humiliation, becaufc thereby I had loll all my feeming goodnefs.
Thus, fcores of times, 1 vainly imagined myfeli humbled and prepared for faving mercy.
While I was in this diflrelfcd, bewildered, and tumultuous ftate of mind, the corruption of my
heart
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 19
heart was efpecially irritated with thefe things fol- lowing :
I . The ftricflnefs of the divine law. For I found it was impoflible for me, after my iitmoft pains, to anfwer the demands of it. I often made new refolu- rions, and as often broke them. I imputed the whole to careleiTnefs, and the want of being more watchful, and ufed to call myfelf a fool for my neg- ligence : But when, upon a ftronger refolution, and greater endeavours, and clofe application ot myfelf to falling and prayer, 1 found all attempts fail, then 1 quarrelled with the law of God, as unreafonably rigid. 1 thought, if it extended only to my outward a(5tions and behaviour, I could bcarv/ith it : But I found it condemned me for niy evil thoughts, and fins of my heart, which I could not poffibly prevent. I was extremely loth to give out, and own my utter helplelTnefs in this matter : But after repeated dif- appointments, tliought that, rather than perilli, I could do a little more Hill, efpecially iffuchand fuch circumflanccs might but attend my endeavours and llrivings; I hoped tliat I fliouldftrivemore earneftly ly than ever, if the matter came toextremity (though I nevcrcould find the time todomyutmoff, in the man- ner 1 intended:) And this hope of future more favour- ablecircumftances,andofdoingfomethinggreathere- after, kept me from defpair in myfelf, and from fee- ing myfelf fallen into the hands of a fovereign God, and dependent on nothing but free and boundleis grace t 2. Another thing was, that faith alone was the condition of falvation ; and that God would not come down to lower terms, that he would not prom- ife life and falvation upon my fuicere and hearty prayers and endeavours. That word, Mark xvi. 16. He that helieveth not, jhall he damned, cut off all hope there : And I found, faith was the fovereign gift ot God j that i could not get it as of myfelf, and could
B % not
20 TheLIFEof
not oblige God to beftow it upon me, b)' any of my performances. Eph. ii. i. 8. This, I was ready to fay, is' a hard fiyi'igy JVho can hear it P I could not bear, that all I had done (liould ftand for mere noth- ing, who had been very confcientious in duty, and had been exceeding religious a great while, and had (as I thought) done much more than many others that had obtained mercy. I eonfefled indeed the vilenefs of my duties ; but then, what made them at that time feem vile, v/as my wandering thoughts in them ; not becaufe I was all over defiled like a devil, and the principle corrupt from whence they flowed, fo that I could not poffibly do any thing that was good. And therefore I called what I did, by the name of honeft faithful endeavours ; and could not bear it, that God had made no promifes of falva- tion to them.
3. Another thii7g was, that I could not find out what faith was 5 or what it was to believe, and eome to Chrift. I read the calls of Chrifl, made to the weary and heavy laden ; but could iind no way, that he directed them to come in. I thought, I would gladly come, if I knew how, though the path of duty dirc6ted to were never fo difficult. I read- Mr. Stoddard's Guide to Chrifl: (which I truflwas, in the hand of God, the happy means of my conver- fion) and my heart rofe againft the author ; for though he told me my very heart all along under con- victions, and feemed to be very beneficial to mc in his directions ; yet here he failed, he did not tell me any thing I could do, that would bring me to Chrift, but left me as it were with a great gulf between m.e and Chrilt, without any direction to get through. For I was not yet effe(5tually and experimentally taught, that there could be noway prefcribed, where- by a natural man could, of his own ftrength, obtain that which is fupcrnaturai, and which the h.igheft angel cannot give.
4. Another
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 21
4. Another thing that I found a great inward op- poiition to, was the Ibvereignty of God. I could not bear, that it Ihould be wholly at God*s pleafure, to fave or damn me, jufl as he would. That paf- fage, Rom. ix. 11 — 23. was a conftant vexation to me, efpccially verfe 21 . The reading or meditating on this always deftroyed my feeming good frames : When I thought I was almoft humbled, and almofl refigned to G«> J's fovereignty, the reading or think- ing on this palTage would make my enmity againft the fovereignty of God appear. And when 1 came to refle6l on my inward enmity and blafphemy, that arofe on this occafion, I was the more afraid ot God, and driven further from any hopes of reconciliation with him ; and it gave me fuch a dreadful view of myfelf, that I dreaded more than ever to fee myfelf in God*s hands, and at his fovereign difpofal, and it made me more oppofite than ever to lubmit to his fovereignty ; for I thought God dcfigned my dam- nation.
All this time the Spirit of God was powerfully at work with me; and I was inwardly prefled torelin- quifh all fclf confidence,' all hopes of ever helping myfelf by any means whatfoever ; And the convic- tion of my loil eftate was fometimes (o clear and manifefl: before my eyes, that it was as if it had been declared to me in fo many words, '* It is done, it is done, it is forever impoflibleto deliver yourfelf." For about three or four days, my foul was thus diflrefTed', cfpecially at fome turns, when for a few moments I fccmed to myfelf loll and undone ; but thicn would Ihrink back immediately from the fight, be- caufe I dared not venture myfelf into the hands of God, as wholly helplcfs, and at the difpofal of his fovereign pleafure. I dared not fee that important truth concerning myfelf, that I was dead in trefpajjcs and fms. But when I had as it were thrufl: aw;iy B 3 thcfe
0,% TheLIFEof
thefc views of myfclf at any time, I felt diilrefled to have the fame difcoveries of myfelf again ; for 1 greatly feared being given over of God to final flu- pid-ity. When I thought of putting it off to a more (on-venieut fcafon^ the convi<ftion was fo clofe and powerful with regard to the prefenttime, that it was the bell time, and probably the only time, that I dared not put it off. It was the fight of truth con* cerning myfelf, truth refpe(5ting myflate, as a crea- ture fallen and alienated from God, and that confe- quently could make no demands on God for mercy, but muft fubfcribe to the abfolute fovercignty of the Divine Being j the fight of the truth, I fay, my foul fhrankaway from, and trembled to think of be- holding. ThuSy be that doih evil {2iS all unregener- ate men continually do) hates the light of truths neither cares to eome to it^ becauie it will reprove his deeds J and fliew him his jufl deferts. (John iii. 20.) And though, fome time before, I h^d taken much pains (as I thought) to fubmit to the fovereignty of God, yet I miflook the thing ; and did not once im- agine, that feeing and being made experimentally fenfible of this truth, which my foul now fo much dreaded and trembled at a icu^to^, was the frame of ibul that I had been fo earnefl; in purfuit of hereto- fore : For I had ever hoped, that when I had attain- ed to tliat humiliation, which I fuppofed neceffary to go before faith, then it would not be fair for God to caft me off; but now I faw it was fo far from any goodnefs in me, to ov/n myfelf fpiritualjy dead, and dcftitute of all goodnefs, that on the contrary, my mouth would be forever flopped by it : and it look- ed as dreadful to me, to fee myfclf, and the relation I ftood in to God, as a finncrand a criminal, atid he a great judge and fovereign, as it would be to a poor trembling creature, to venture off Ibmc high preci- pice. And hence 1 put it off for a minute or two,
and
Mr. DA VI D BR A I NERD. 23
and tried for better circumftances to do it in ; either I muft read a pafTage cr two, or pray firil, or fone- thing of the hke nature ; or elfe put off my fubmif- * fion to God's fovereignty, with an objection, that I did not know how to fubmit : But the truth was, 1 could feenofafety in owning mylelf in the hands of a fovereign God, and that I could lay no claim to any thing better than damnation.
But after a condderable time fpent in fuch likeex- crcifes and diftrefles, one morning, while I was walk- ing in afoHtary place as ufual, I at once faw that all my contrivances and projections to effect or procure deliverance and falvation for myfelf, were utterly in vain ': 1 was brought quite to a ffand, as finding my- felf totally loft. I had thought many times before, that the difficulties in my way v/ere very great : Buc now I faw, in another and very different light, that it was forever impoiliblc forme to do any thing to- wards helping or delivering myfelf. I then thought of blaming myfelf, that I had not done more, and been more engaged, while I had opportunity (tor ic feemed now as if the fcafon of doing was forever over and gone) but I inlfantly faw, that let me have done what I would, it would no more have tended to my helping myfelf, than what I had done ; that I had made all the pleas I ever could have made to all eternity ; and that all my pleas were vain. The tumult that had been before in my mind, was now quieted ; and I was fomething eafcd of that diitrefs, which I felt while ffruggling againlf a light of myfelf, and of the divine fovereignty. I had the greateft certainty, that my ftate was forever mifera- ble, tor all that I could do ; and wondered^ and was almolt aitonidicd, that I had never been lenflblc of it bciore.
In ih.e time while I remained in this ftate, my no- tions; r'.'f" '/ 'n-r my duties, were quite different
B 4 from
214 TheLIFEof
from what I had ever entertained in times paft, Before this, the more I did in duty, the more I thought God was obliged to me ; or at leaft the more hard I thought it would be for God to caft me off; though at the fame time I confcfTed, and thought I faw, that there was no goodnefs or merit in my duties : But now the more I did in prayer or any >other duty, the more I faw I was indebted to God for allowing me to alk for m.crcy ; for I iaw, it was felf intereft had led me to pray, and that I had never once prayed from any refpecft to the glory of God. Now Ifaw, there was no nccelTary conne(ftion be- tween my prayers and the beftowmient of divine incrcy ; that they laid not the lead obligation upon God to beftow his grace upon me ; and that there was no niore virtue or goodnefs in them, than there would be in my paddling with my hand in the wa- ter, (which was the comparifon I had then in my iP-ind) and this becaufe they were not performed from any love or regard to God. I law that 1 had been heaping up my devotions before God, fading, praying, &c. pretending, and indeed really thinking, at feme times, that I was aiming at the glory of God ; whereas I never once truly intended it, but only my own happincfs. I faw, that, as I had never done any thing for God, I had no claim to lay to any thing from him, but perdition, on account of my hypoc- rify and mockery. O how different did my duties now appear from what they ufed to do ! 1 ufed to charge them with fm and imperfection ; but this ■was only on account of the wanderings and vain thoughts attending them, and not becaufe I had no regard to God in them ; for this I thought I had : But when I faw evidently that I had regard to pothing but felf intereft, then they appeared vile jnockery of God, felf worlhip, and a continual courfe pf lies j fo that I faw now, there was fomething
worfe
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 25
^vorfe had attended my duties, than barely a few wanderings, &c. for the whole was nothing but felf worfhip and an horrid abufe of God.
I continued, as I remember, in this ftate of mind, from Friday morning until the Sabbath evening fcl- jou'ing, July 13, 1739, when I was walking again in the fame folitary place where I was brought to fee myfelf loll: and helplefs (as was before mentioned) and here, in a mournful melancholy ftate, was at- tempting to pray ; but found no heart to engage in that, or any other duty; my former concern, and ex- trcil'e. and religious affections were now gone. I thought the Spirit of God had quite left me ; but ftill was not diifreffed : Yet difconfolate, as if there was nothing in heaven or earth could make me happy. And having been thus endeavouring to pray (though being^, as I thought, very flupid and ienfelefs) for near half an hour, (and by this time the fun was about half an hour high, as I remember) then, as I was walking in a dark thick grove, un- fpeakable glory ietrmd to open to the viev/ and ap- prehenfion of my foul : I do not mcao any external brightnefs, for I faw no fuch thing; nor do I intend any imagination of a body of light, fome where away in the third heavens, or any thing of that na- ture ; but it was a new inward apprehenfion or view that I had of God, fuch as I never had before, nor any thing which had the leafl: refemblance of it. I flood ftill, and wondered and admired ! I knevv' that I never had feen before any thing comparable to it for excellency and beauty : It was widely diflerent from all the conceptions that ever 1 had had of God, or things divine. 1 had no particular apprehenfion cf any one pcrfon in the Trinity, either the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghofl: j but it appeared to be divine gloiy that I then beheld : And my foul re- joiced with joy unfpeakable, to fee fuch a God, fuch'
a
26 T H E L I F E o F
a glorious divine Being ; and I was inwardly pleaf- ed and fatisfied, that he fhould be God over all for- ever and ever. My foul was fo captivated and de- lighted with the excellency, lovelinefs, greatnefs, and other perfections of God, that I was even fwal- lowed up in him ; at leaft to that degree, that I had no thought (as I remember) at firft, about my own falvation, and fcarce rcflecSted there was fuch a crea- ture as myfelf.
Thus God, I truft, brought me to a hearty difpo- fition to exalt him, and fet him on the throne, and principally and ultimately to aim at his honour and glory, as King of the Univerfe.
I continued in this flate of inward joy and peace, yet aftonifhment, until near dark, without any fenli- ble abatement ; and then began to think and exam- ine what 1 had feen ; and felt fweetly compofed in my mind all the evening following : I felt myfelf in a new world, and every thing about me appeared with a different afped: from what it was wont to do.
At this time, the way of falvation opened to me with fuch infinite wifdom, fuitablenefs and excellen- cy, that I wondered I fliould ever think of any other -way of falvation ; was amazed that 1 had not drop- ped my own contrivances, and complied with this lovely, blefTed, and excellent way before. If i could have been faved by my own duties, or any other way that I had formerly contrived, my whole foul would now have refufed, I wondered that all the world did not fee and comply with this way of falvation, en- tirely by the righteoufnefs of Chrifl:.
The fweet relifli of what I then felt, continued with me for feveral days, almoil: condantly, in a greater or kfs degree : 1 could not but fweetly re- joice in God, lying dovv-n and rifing up. The next Lord*s Day I felt fomething of the fame kind ; though iiot fo powerful as before. But, not long after, was
affain
Mr. DAVIDB RAINERD; 27
again involved in thick darknefs, and under great diilrels ; yet not of the fame kind with my diftrefs under convid:ions. I was guilty, afraid and afliam- ed to come before God, was exceedingly preiTcd with a fenle of giiilt : But it was not long before i felt, I truft, true repentance and joy in God.
About the latter end of Augufl, 1 again fell under great darknefs ; it feemed as if the prefence of God was c/^a^ gone forever. Though I was not fo much diftreffed about my fpiritual flate, as I was at my be- ing fhut out from God's prefence, as I then feniibly was. But it pleafed the Lord to return gracioufly to me, not long after.
In the beginning of September I went to college*, and entered there : But with fomc degree of reluc- tancy, fearing left I fliould not be able to lead a life of flrid: religion, in the midft of io many tempta- tions. After this, in the vacancy, before I went to tarry at college, it pleafed God to viiit my loul with clearer manifeflations of himfelf and his grace. I was fpcnding fome time in prayer, and felf examina- tion ; and the Lord by his grace fo ihined into my heart, that I enjoyed full allurance of his favour for that time ; and my foul was unfpeakably refrefhed with divine and heavenly enjoyments. At this time cfpecially, as well as fome others, fundry pafTages of God's word opened to my foul with divine c]earnefs» power and fvveetnefs, fo as to appear exceeding pre- cious, and with clear and certain evidence of its be-, ing the word of God. I enjoyed confiderablc fweet- ncfs in religion, all the winter following.
In January, 1739,40, the meafles fpread much in college j and I having taken the diAemper, went honic to Haddam : But fome days before I was tak- en lick, 1 fcerned to be greatly deferted, and my foul mourned tlic abfence of the Comforter exceedingly :
It
* Ysic College in Ncw-Haveu.
sS T H E L I F E o F
It feemed to me, all comfort was forever gone ; I prayed and cried to God for help, yet found no pref- ent comfort or relief. But tlirough divine goodnefs, a r>ight or two before I was taken ill, while I was walking alone in a very retired place, and engaged in meditation and prayer, I enjoyed a fweet refrelh- ing vifit, as I truft, from above, fo that my foul was raifed fir above the fears of death ^ indeed I rath- er longed for death, than feared it. O how much more refrefhing this one feafon was, than all the pleafures and delights that earth can afford ! After a day or two I was taken with the meafles, and was very ill indeed, fo that I almoft defpaired of life : But had no dillreffing fears of death at all. How- ever, through divine goodnefs I foon recovered : Yet, by rcafon of hard and clofe fludies, and being much €xpofed on accoimt of my frefhmanfhip, I had but little time for fpiritual duties ; my foul often mourn- ed for want of more time and opportunity to be alone with God. In the fpring and fummer following I had better advantages for retirement, and enjoyed more comfort in religion : Though indeed my am- bition in my ftudies greatly wronged the adivity and vigour of my fpiritual life : Yet this was ufual- ]y the cafe with me, that i/ube multitude, of ?ny thoughts 'within mey God^s comforts principally delighted my foul'. Thefe were my greateft confolations day by day. One day I remember in particular (I think it was in June, 1740) I walked to a conliderable diftance from the college, in the fields alone at noon, and in prayer found fuch unfpeakable fvvectnefs and de- light in God, that I thought, if I muft continue il:i]i in this evil world, I wanted always to be there, to behold God's glory : My foul dearly loved all man- kind, and longed exceedingly that they fhould en- joy what I enjoyed. It feemed to be a little refcm- ?-]:inrr of Heaven.
On
Mr. DAVID B R. A I N E R D. zq
Oa Lord's Day, July 6, being facrament day, I found fome divine life and fpiritual refrelliment in that holy ordinance. When I came from the Lord^s table, I wondered" how my fellow ftudents could live as I was fenlible moft did. Next Lord's Day, July 13, I had fome fpecial iweetnefs in religion. Again Lord's Day, July 20, my foul was in a fweet and precious frame.
Sometime in Auguft foliowins;, I became fo weak- ly and difordered, by too clofe application to my ftudies, that I was advifed by my tutor, to go home, and difengage my mind from ftudy, as miich as I could ; for I was grown fo weak, tliat I began to fpit blood. 1 took his advice, and endeavoured to lay afide my ftudies. But being brought very low, I look- ed death in the face m>ore fteadfaftly ; and the Lord was pleafcd to give me renewed ly a fweet fcnfe and relilli of divine things; and particularly in OcTtober 13, I found divine help and confolation in the pre- cious duties of fecret prayer and feif examination, and my foul took delight in the bleffed God : So like- wife on the 17th of Odober.
Saturday^ OBoher \%, in my morning devotions, my foul was exceedingly melted for, and bitterly mourned over my exceeding finfulnefs and vilenefs. I never before had felt fo pungent and deep a fenfe of the odious nature of fin, as at this time. My foul was then unufually carried forth in love to God, and had a lively fcnfe of God's love to me. And this love and hope, at that time, cad: out fear. Both m.oni- ing and evening I fpcnt fome time in felf examina- tion, to find the truth of {Trace, as alfo my fitnefs to ap- proach to God at his table the next day ; and through infinite grace, found the Holy Spirit influencing my foul with love to God, as a witnefs within myfelf.
Lord's Day, Oclobcr ig, in the morning I felt my foul hutigerin^ and thirftivi r.^tsr righteouf^irfs.
30 T H E L I F E o F
In the forenoon when I was looking on the facfa- mental elements, and thinking that ^efus Chrift would foon he Jet forth crucified before me., my foul was filled with light and love, fo that I was almoft in an ecftafy ; my body was fo vveak, I could fcarce- ]y ftand. 1 felt at the fame time an exceeding ten- demefs and moft fervent love towards all mankind ; fo that my foul and all the powers of it fcemed, as it were, to melt into foftnefs and fweetnefs. But in the feafon of the communion there was fome abate- ment of this fwcet life and fervour. This love and joy caftout fear; and my foul longed forperfc(^t grace and glory. This fweet Iram.e continued until the evening, when my foul was Iweetly fpiritual in fecret duties,
Monday, OBober 20, 1 again found the fweet af* fiftance of the Holy Spirit in fecret duties, both morning and evening, and life and comfort in relig- ion through the whole day.
Tuefday, OBober 2i, 1 had likewife experience of the goodnefs of God mfhedding abroad his love in fny heart, and giving me delight and confolation in religious duties. And all the remaining part of the week, my foul feemed to be taken up with divine things. I now fo longed after God, and to be freed from fin, that when I felt myfelf recovering, and thought I mull: return to college again, which had proved fo hurtful to my fpiritual interefl the year paft, I couid not but be grieved, and I thought I had much rather have died ; for it diftrelfed me to think of getting away from God. But before I went, I enjoyed feveral other fweet and precious fealons of communion with God, (particularly Odober 30, and November 4,) wherein my foul enjoyed unfpeakable comfort.
I returned to college about November 6, and through the goodnefs of God felt the power of relig- ion almoft daily, for the fpace of fix weeks.
November
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 31
November 28, in my evening devotion, I enjoy- ed precious difcoveries of God, and was unfpeaka- bly rcfrefbed with that pafTage, Heb. xii. 22, 23,24. That my foul longed to iving away for the paradife of God ; I longed to be conformed to God in all things. A day or two after, I enjoyed much of the light ofGod^s countenance^ moft of the day ; and my foul refled in God.
Tuefday\ December 9, I was in a comfortable frame of foul mod of the day j but efpecially in evening devotions, when God was pleafed wonder- fully to affifl: and ftrengthen me ; fo that I thought nothing fhould ever move me from the love of God in Chrifl Jefus my Lord. O! one hour ivith God infinitely exceeds all the plealures and delights of this lower world.
Sometime towards the latter end of January, 1740,1, I grew more cold and dull in matters of re- ligion, by means of my old temptation, viz. ambi- tion in my 0:udies. But through divine goodnefs, a great and general awakening fpread itfelf over the college, about the latter end of February, in which I was much quickened, and more abundantl}'- engag- ed in religion.
[This awakening here fpoken of, was at the be- ginning of that extraordinary religious commotion through the land, which is frefli in every one's mem- ory. This awakening was for a time very great and general at New- Haven ; and the college had no fmall iliare in it : That fociety was greatly reform- ed, the ftudents in general became ferious, and ma- ny of them remarkably fo, and much engaged in the concerns of their eternal falvation. And how- everundefirablethcitTucof theawakeningsof thatday have appeared in m.any others, there have been man- jfeHly happy and abiding effects of the imprefiions then made on the minds of many of the members of
that
32 T H E L I F E o r
that college. And by all that I can learn concerning Mr. Brainerd, there can be no reafon to doubt but that he had nuich of God*s gracious prefence, and of the lively actings of true grace, at that tirnc : But yet he was afterwards abundantly fenftble, that his rehgious experiences and afFed:ionsat that time were not tree from a corrupt mixture, nor his conduct to be acquitted from many things that vyerp imprudent and blamable ; which he greatly lamented himlelf, and was willing that others lliould forget, that none might make an ill improvement of fuch an example. And therefore, although in the time of it, he kept a conflant Diary, containing a very particular account of what paffed from day to day, for the next thirteen months, from the latter end of January, 1740,1, forementioned, in two Imall books, which he called the two firfi: volumes of his Diary, next following the account before given of his convictions, conver- lion, and confequent comforts ; yet, when he lay on his death bed, he gave order (unknown to me, until after his death) that thefe two volumes Ihould bede- ftroyed, and in the beginning of the third book of his Diary, he wrote thus, (by the hand of another, he not being able to write himfelf) — " The two pre- ceding volumes, immediately following the account of the author's converfion, are loll, if any are de- iirous to knov/ how the author lived in general, during that fpace of time, let them read the firlf thir- ty pages of this volume ; where they will find fome- thing of a fpecimen of his ordinary manner of liv- ing, through that whole fpace of time, which was about thirteen months ; excepting that here he was more refined from fome imprudencies and indecent heats, than there ; but the ipirit of devotion running through the whole, was the fame."
Jt could not be othervvife than that one whofe heart had been fo prepared and drawn to God, as
Mr,
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 33
• Mr. Brainerd^s had been, fliould be mightily enlarg- ed, animated and engaged, nt the fight of fuch aa alteration made in the college, the town and land, and To great an appearance of men*s reforming ("heir lives, and turning from their profanenefs and immo- rality, to ferioufnefs and concern for their falvation, and of religion's reviving and floitrifliing almoft ev- ery where. But as an iritemperate imprudent zeal, and a degree of enthufiafm loon crept in, and min- gled itfelf with that revival of religion ; and fo great and general an awakening being quite a new thing in the land, at lead as to all the living inhabitants of it ; neither people nor miniftershad learned thor- oughly to diftinguifh between folid religion and its deluiive counterfeits ; even .many minil-liers of the gofpel, of long Handing and the bed reputation^ were for a time overpowered with the glaring ap- pearances of the latter : And therefore iurely it was not to be wondered at, that young Brainerd, but a fophimore at college, fiiould be To ; who was not only young in years, but very young in religion and experience, and had had but little opportunity for the ftudy of divinity, and ftill lefs for obfcrvation of the circumftances and events of fuch an extraordinary ftatc of things ; A man miufl diveR himfelf of all reafon, to make ftrange of it. In thefe difadvanta- geous circumftances, Brainerd had the unhappinefs to have a tind:ure of that intemperate indifcrcet zenl, which was at that time too prevalent ; and Vv-as led', from his high opinion of others that he looked upon, better than himfelf, into fuch errors as were really contrary to the habitual temper of his mind. Ond inftance of his niifcondudt at that time, gave great ofFence to the rulers of tlie college, even to that de- gree that they cxpeHcd him the fociety ; which it is neccffary fnould'liere be particularly related, v/ith its circumffances.
C in
34 TheLIFEqf
In the time of the awakening at college, there were feveral reUgious fludents that aflbciated them- felves one with another for mutual converfation and afliflance in fpiritual things, who were wont freely to open themfelves one to another, as fpecial and in- timate friends. Brainerd was one of this company. And it once happened, that he and two or three more of thefe his intimate friends were in the hall together, after Mr. Whittelfey, one of the tutors, had been to prayer there with the fcholars ; no oth- er perfon now remaining in the hall, but Brainerd •and thefe his companions. Mr. Whittelfey having been unufually pathetical in his prayer, one of Brai- nerd's friends on this occafion afked him what he thought of Mr. Whittelfey ; he made anfwer, " He has no more grace,than this chair." One of the frefh- men happening at that time to be near the hall (though not in the room) overheard thofe words of his ; though he heard no name mentioned, and knew not who the perfon was, which was thus cenfured. He informed a certain woman that belonged to the town, withal telling her his own fufpicion, viz. that he believed Brainerd faid this of fome one or other of the rulers of the college. W^hereupon flic went and informed the redbor, who fcnt for this frefliman and examined him ; and he told the redtor the words that he heard Brainerd utter, and informed him who were in the room with him at that time. Upon which the redtor fent for them : They were very backward to inform againft their friend, of that which they looked upon as private converfation, and efpecially as none but they had heard or knew of whom he had uttered thofe words j yet the rc(5]:or compelled them to declare what he faid, and of whom he faid it. Brainerd looked on himfelf greatly abuf- ed in the management of this affair ; and thought, that what he faid in private, was injurioufly extort-
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 3^
ed from his friends, and that then it was injurioufly required of him (as it was wont to be of fuch as had been guilty of fome open notorious crime) to make a pubh'ck confeflion, and to humble himfelf before the whole college in the hall, for what he had faid only in private converfation. He not complying with this demand, and having gone once to the fep- arate meeting at New-Haven, when forbidden by the redlor, arid alfo having been accufed by one per- fon of faying concerning the red:or, that he wonder- ed he did not exped: to drop down dead for fining the fcholars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, though there was no proof of it (and Mr. Brainerd ever profelTed that he did not remember his faying any thing to that purpofe) for thefe things he was expelled the college.
Now, how far the circumftances and exigences of that day might juftify fuch great feverity in the gov- ernours of the college, I will not undertake to deter- mine j it being my aim, not to bring reproach on the authority of the college, but only to do juflice to the memory of a perfon who I think to be eminent- ly one of thofe whole memory is blejfcd. The reader will fee, in the fequel of the flory of Mr. Brainerd's life,* what his own thoughts afterwards were of his behaviour in thefe things, and in how chriitian a manner he conducted himfelf, with refpe(5t to this affair \ though he ever, as long as he lived, fuppof- ed himfelf much abufed in the management of it, and in what he fufFered in it*
His expulfion was in the winter anno I74i,a> while he was in his third year in college.]
* Panicularly under the date, iVcdne/day, September 14, 1743.
C% PART
36 T H E . L I F E o F
PART II,
From about the time that he jir ft began to devoie bi/nfelf
• mdre efpecial!}' to the Study 0/' Divinity, until
he 'was ' exam'iiie'd'and licenfed to preachy by the As-
s o c I A T I b N 0/' M I N I s T E R s belonging, to the eajlern
diftri^ of the caunty ofF airfield in Connecticut,
[TV yjR. Brainerd, the fpring after his cxpulfion, IVl went to live with the Rev. Mr. Mills of Rip- ton, to follow his iludies with him, in order to his being fitted for the work of the miniftry ; where lie fpent the greater part of the time until the af- fociation licenfed him to preach ; but frequently rode to vifit the neighbouring minifters, particu- larly Mr. Cooke of Stratfield, Mr. Graham of South- biiry, and Mr. Bellamy of Bethlehem.
Here (at Mr. Mills's) he began the third book of his Diary, in which thec^ccount he wrote of him fclf, is as follows.]
Thurjday, April i^ 1742. — I feem to be declining with refpecl; to my life and warmth in divine things : Had not {o free accefs to God in prayer as ufuai of late. O tliat God would humble me deeply in the dull: before hirn. I delerve hell every day, for not loving my Lord more, u^ho has (\ Kn\k) lo-ved me and given himfclf for ?7ie ; and every time I am ena- bled to exercife any/grace renewedly, I am renewed- ly indebted to the God of all grace for fpecial aflift- ance. Where then is boafing ? Surely it is excluded , when we think how we are dependent on God for the being and every ad: of grace. O if ever 1 get to heaven, it will be becaufe God will, and nothing elf c; for 1 ver did any thing of myfelf, but get
away
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 37
away from God ! My foul will be aftonidied at the unfearchable riches of divine grace, when I arriveiat the manfions which the bleffed Saviour is gone be- fore to prepare.
Friday, April 2. — In the afternoohl felt fomething fweetly in fecret prayer, much refigned, calm and fcrcne. What are all the ftorms of this lower world, if Jefus by his Spirit does but come walking upon the feas ! Some time paft I had much pleafure in the profpcft of the heathen's being brought home to Chrifl, and defircd that the Lord would improve me in that work : But now my foul more frequentl5r defires to die, to be with Chriji. O that my foul were wrapt up in divine love, and my longing de- fires after God increafed. In the evening, was re- frefhed in prayer, with the hopes of the advance- ment of Chrift's kingdom in the world.
Saturday, April 3. — Was very much amifs thii; morning, and had an ill night lad night. I thought, if God would take me to himfelf now, my foul would exceedingly rejoice. O that I may bealwa^'-s humble and refigned to God, and that God would caufe my foul to be m-ore fixed on himfelf, that I may- be more fitted both for doing and fuffering.
Lord's Day, April ^. — My heart was wandering and lifelefs. In the evening God gave me faith in prayer, and made m.y foul melt in fome meafiire, and gave me to tafte a divine fweetnefs. O my blefTcd God ! Let me climb Up near to him, and love, and long, and plead, and wreftle, and reach, and ftretch alter him, and ior deliverance from the body of Jin and death. Alas, my foul mourned to think 1 Ihould ever lofe fight of its beloved again \ O come Lord ^efus ! Amen.
[On the evening of the next day, he complains that he feemed to be void of all relilh of divine things, felt much of the prevalence of corruption, and faw C3 ill
3? TheLIFEof
in himfelf a difpofition to all manner of lin ; which brought a very great gloom on his mind, and caft him down into the depths of melancholy ; fo that he fpeaks of himfelf, as aftonifhed, amazed, having no comfort, being filled with horror, feeing no com- fort in heaven or earth,]
Tuefday^ April 6. — I walked out this morning to the fame place where I was laft night, and felt fome- thing as I did then j but was fomething relieved by reading fome pallages in my Diary, and feemed to feel as if I might pray to the great God again with freedom ; but was fuddenly ftruck with a damp, from the fenfe I had of my own vilenefs. Then I cried to God to wafh my foul and cleanfe me from my exceeding filthinefs, to give me repentance and pardon j and it began to be fomething fvveet to pray ; And I could think of undergoing the greatefl fuffer- ings in the caufe of Chrifl, with pleafure ; and found myfelf willing (if God fhould fo order it] to fuffer banifhment from my native land, among the hea- then, that I might do fomething for their fouls* lalva- tion, in diflireffes and deaths of any kind. Then God gave me to vvreftle earneftly for others, for the kingdom of Chrifl: in the world, and for dear chril- tian friends. I felt weaned from the world and from my own reputation amongfl men, willing to be def- pifed, and to be a gazing flock for the world to behold. It is impoflible for me to exprefs how I then felt : I had not much joy, but fome fenfe of the majefty of God, which made me as it were trem- ble. I faw myfelf mean and vile, which made me more willing that God fhould do what he would with me ; it was all infinitely reafonable,
Thurfday, April 8. — Had raifed hopes to day ref- pediing the heathen. O that God would bring in great numbers of them to Jcfus Chrifl. I cannot but Hppe I fhall fee that glorious day. Every thing in
this
Mr. DAVID BR A IN ERD. 39
this world feems exceeding vile and little to me : I look fo to myfelf. I had I'ome little dawn of com- fort to day in prayer : But efpecially to night I think I had fome faith and power of interceffion with God, was enabled to plead with God for the growth of grace in myfelf ; and many of the dear children of God then lay with weight upon my foul. Blelfed be the Lord. It is good to wreflle for divine bleflings. Friday y April 9. — Moft of my time in morning de- votion was fpent without fenfible fweetnefs ; yet I had one delightful profpecSt of arriving at the heav- enly world. I am more amazed than ever at fuch thoughts ; fori fee myfelf infinitely vile and unwor- thy. I feel very heartlefs and dull ; and though I long for the pre fence of God, and feem conftantly to reach towards God in defires, yet I cannot feel that divine and heavenly fweetnefs that I ufed to en- joy. No poor creature ftands in need of divine grace more than I, and none abuie it more than I have done, and ftill do.
Saturday y April lO. — Spent much time in fccret prayer this morning, and not without fome comfort in divine things, and I hope had fome faith in exer- cife : But am fo low, and feel fo little of the fenfible prefcnce of God, that 1 hardly know what to call faith, and am \n2idQ.io pojfefs the Jins of ?r,y youth, and tile dreadful fin of my nature, and am all fin ; I can- not think, nor ad:, but every motion is fin. I feel iome faint hopes, that God will, of his infinite mer- cy, return again with fhowers of converting grace to poor gofpel abufing finners ; and my hopes of being improved in the caufe of God, Vvhich of late have been almoft extindt, feem now a little revived. O that all my late diftrelfes and awful apprehenfions might prove but Chrift's fchool, to make me fit for greater fcrvice-, by learning me the great leffon of humihty.
C4 Lord's
40 TheLIFEof
Lord's Day, April 1 1 . — In themomin^, felt but lit- tle life, excepting that my heart was foniething drawn out in thankfiilnefs to God, for his amazing grace and condefcenlion to me in paft influences and alliftances of his Spirit, Afterwards had fome fwcet* nefs in the thoughts of arriving at the heavenly ■world. O for the happy day !. After pubiick wor- Ihip God gave me fpecial alliftance in prayer;! wreflled with my dear Lord, with much Iweetnels % and interceiTion was made a fweet and delightful em- ployment to me. In the evening, as I was view-, ing the light in the north, was delighted in con- templation on the glorious morning of the refurrec- tion. ^
Monday, April ii. — This morning the Lord was pleafed to lift up the light of his countenance upon me in fecret prayer, and made the feafon very precious to my foul. And though I have been fo depreffed of late, refpeding my hopes of future lerviceablenefs in the caule of God ; yet now I had much encour^ agement refpedting that matter. I was fpecially alTilkd to intercede and plead for poor fouls, and for the enlargement of Chnft's kingdom in the world, and for fpecial grace for myfelf, to fit me tor fpecial fervices, I felt exceeding calm, and quite religned to God, refpe€ling my future improvement, when, and where he pleafed : My faith lifed me above the world, and removed all thofe mountains, that I could not look over of late : I thought I wanted not the favour ofman to lean upon j for I knew Chriirsfa.. vour was infinitely better, and that it was nomatter when, nor where, nor how Chrift fhould fend me, nor what trials helliould flillexercife mcwith,if ] might be prepared for his work and v/ill. inow found fweet- ]y revived in my mind the wonderful difcovery of infinite wifdom in all the dilpenfations of God to- wards me, which 1 had a little before I met with my
great
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 41
great trial at college : Every thing appeared full of the wifdom of God.
•Tuefdavy April 13. — Saw myfelf to he very mean and vile ; wondered at thofe that (hewed mc reCpect. Afterwards was fomething comforted in fecret re- tirement, and was aififted to wreftle with God, with iome power, fpirituality and fweetnefs. Bleifed he the Lord, he is never unmindful of me, but always fends me needed fupplies, and, from time to time, when I am like one dead, raiies me to life. O that i may never diilruO: infinite goodnefs.
Wednefdayy April i^. — My foul longed for commu- nion with Chfift, and for the mortification of in- dwelling corruption, efpecially fpiritual pride. O there is a fweet day coming, wherein the weajy will be at reft. My ioul has enjoyed much fweetnefs this day in hopes of its fpeedy arrival.
Thurfday, April 1 5 . — My defires apparently center- ed in God, and I found a fenfible attradiion of foul after him, fundry times to day : I know I long for God, and a conformity to his will, in inward purity and holinefs, ten thoufaud times more than for any thing here below.
Friday and Saturday , April \6 .x'^ . — Seldom prayed without lome lenlible fweetnefs and joy in the Lord. Sometimes I longed much to bedijfohedafidto be with Cbrift. O that God would enable me to gro^jD in grace every day. Alas ! my barrennefs is fuch, that God might well fay. Cut it down. I am afraid ot a dead heart on the Sabbath now begun : O that God would quicken me by his grace.
hordes Uay'y April 1 8. — Retired early this morn- ing into the woods for prayer ; had the afliftance of God's Spirit, and faith m exercife, and was enabled to plead with fervency for the advancement of Chrift^s kingdom in the world, and to intercede for dear abfent friends. At noon, God enabled mc to
v»' re flic
4« TheLIFEof
wreftle with him, and feel (as I truft) the power of divine love in prayer. At night, faw myfelf infi- nitely indebted to God, and had a view ot my Ihort commgs : It leemed to me, that I had done as it were nothing for God, and that I never had lived to him but a few hours of my life.
Monday^ April 19. — I fet apart this day for fading and prayer to God for his grace, efpecially to pre- pare me for the work of the miniftry, to give me di- vine aid and direction in my preparations for that great work, and in his own time iofcnd me into his harveji. Accordingly, in the morning, endeavoured to plead for the divine prefence for the day, and not without fome life. In the forenoon, I felt a pow- er of interceflion for precious immortal fouls, for the advancement of the kingdom of my dear Lord and Saviour in the world ; and withal, a moft fweet re- iignation, and even confolation and joy in the thoughts of fufFering hardfliips, diftrelTes, and even death itfelf, in the promotion of it ; and had fpecial enlargement in pleading for the enlightening and converfion of the poor heathen. In the afternoon, God was with me of a truth. O it was blefled compa- ny indeed ! God enabled me fo to agonize in prayer, that I was quite wet with fweat, though in the fliade, and the wind cool. My foul was drawn out very much from the world ; I grafped for multitudes of fouls. I think I had more enlargement for finners, than for the children of God ; though I felt as if I could fpend my life in cries for both. 1 enjoyed great fweetnefs in communion with my dear Saviour. I think I never in my life felt fuch an entire wcan- edncfs from this world, and fo much resigned to God in every thing. O that I may always live to and upon my bleiTcd God. Amen, Amen.
Tuefdciy^ April 20. — This day I am twenty four years of age. O how much mercy have I received the
year
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 43
year pail ! How often has God caufed his goodnefs to pafs before me 1 And how poorly have I aniwered the vows 1 made this time twelve months, to be wholly the Lord's, to be forever devoted to his fervice ! The Lord help me to live more to his glory for time to come. This has been a fweet, a happy day to me : Blefled be God. 1 think my foul was never fo drawn out in interceffion for others, as it has been this night. Had a moll: fervent wreftle with the Lord to night for my enemies ; and I hardly ever fo longed to live to God, and to be altogether devoted to him j I wanted to wear out my life in his fervice and for his glory.
Wednefday, April Zi, — Felt much calmnefs and re- fignation, and God again enabled me to wreftle for numbers of fouls, and had much fervency in the fweet duty of interceffion. I enjoy of late m.ore fweetnels in interceffion for others, than in any other part of prayer. My blefled Lord really let me cG?ns near to him^ and plead with him.
[The frame of mind, and excrcifes of foul, tliat he expreffes the three days next following, Thurf- day, Friday, and Saturday, are much of the fame kind with thofe exprefled the two days paft.]
Lord's Day, April 2 ^.-*-This morning fpent about two hours in fecret duties, and was enabled more than ordinarily to agonize for immortal fouls ; though it was early in the morning, and the fun fcarcely fhined at all, yet my body was quite wet with fweat. Felt much prdfed now, as frequently of late, to plead for the meeknefs and calmnefs of the Lamb of God in my foul ; Through divine goodnefs felt much of it this morning, O it is a fweet difpo- iition, heartily to forgive all injuries done to us ; to wifh our qjreateft enemies as well as we do our own fouls I BlelTcd Jefus, may I daily be more and more conformed to thcc. At night was exceedingly melrcd
With
I
44 TheLIFEop
with divine love, and had fome feeling fenfe of the blelTednefs of the upper vt'orld. Thofe words hung upon me, with much divine fweetnefs, P/al. Ixxxiv. i 7. ney go from Jirength tojhength, every one of them I /;? Zion appeareth bejoreGod. Othe nearaccefs that " God fometimes gives us in our addreffes to him ! This may well be termed appearing before God : It is fo indeed in the truefpiritual fenfe, and in the fweet- eft fenfe. 1 think I have not had fuch power of in- terceffion, thefe many months, both for God*s chil- dren, and for dead finners, as I have had this even- ing. I wifhed and longed for the coming of my dear Lord: I longed to join theangelick hofts in prail'es, wholly free from imperfecftion. O the blcflTed .mo- ment haftens ! All I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. O for fandlificaticn ! My very foul pants for the complete reftoration of the bleffed image of my fweet Saviour ; that 1 may be fit for the bleffed enjoyments and employments of the heavenly world.
Farewell, vain world ; my fou! can bid adieu : My Saviour 's taught me to abandon you. Your charms may gratify a fenfual miad ; Not pleafe a foul wholly for God defign'd. Forbear t' entice, ceafc then my foul to call : 'Tis fix'd, through grace ; my God fliall be my all. While he thus lets me heavdnly glories view. Your beauties fade, my heart 's no room for you.
The Lord refrefhed my foul with many fweet paffages of his word. O the New ^erufilem ! my foul longed for it. O tht Jong ofMofes and the Lamb ! And that bleffed fong, that no man can learn, but they that are redeemed from the earth ! And the glo- rious white robes y that were given to the fouls under the altar !
Lord, I'm a ftranger here alone ; Earth no true comforts can afford : ■ Yet, abfent Irom my dearelt one. My foul delights to cry. My Lord !
Jefus
I
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 4^
Jefus, my Lord, ir.y only love, Poffefs my foul, nor thence depart : Grant me kind viius, heavenly dove ; My God (hall then have all my heart.
Monday J April%6. — Continued in a fweet frame of mind ; but in the afternoon felt fomething of fpirit- iial pride ftirring. God was pleafed to make it a humbling feafon at firft ; though afterwards he gave me fwectnefs. O, my foul exceedingly longs for that blelfed ftate of perfecStion of deliverance from all fin ! At night, God enabled me to give my foul up to him, to caft myfelf upon him, to be ordered and difpofed of according to his fovereign pleafure ; and I enjoyed great peace and confolation in ^o do- ing. My foul took fweet delight in God to night : My thoughts freely and fweetly centered in him, O that I could fpend every moment of my life to his glory.
Tucfdayy April 27. — Retired pretty early for fecret devotions ; and in prayer God was pleafed to pour fuch ineffable comforts into my foul, that I could do nothing for fome time but fay over and over, O my fweet Saviour ! O my fweet Saviour ! Whom have I in heaven^ but thee? and there is none upon earthy that I dtjire befide thee. If I had had a thoufand lives, my foul would gladly have laid them all down at once, to have been with Chrifl. My foul never enjoyed fo much of heaven before ; it was the moft refined and mod fpirit- ual feafon of communion with God I ever yet felt : I never felt fo great a degree of refignation in my life : I felt very fweetly all the forenoon. In the af- ternoon I withdrevv to meet with my God, but found myfelf much declined, and God made it a hum- bling feafon to my foul : I mourned over the body of death y that is in mc : It grieved me exceedingly, that I could not pray to and praife God with my heart full of divine heavenly love. O that my foul might never offer any dead cold ferviccs to my God.
Ill
46 Th E L I F E or
In the evening had not fo much fweet divine love as in the morning ; but had a fvveet feafon of fervent inter- ceflion.
Wednefday, April 1^, — Withdrew to myufual place of retirement in great peace and tranquillity, and fpent about two hours in fecret duties. I felt much as I did yedcrday morning, only weaker and more overcome. I feemed to hang and depend wholly on my dear Lord ; wholly weaned from all other de- pendences. I knew not what to fay to my God, but only lean on his bofom, as it were, and breath out my defircs after a perfedt conformity to him in all things. Thirfting defires and infatiable longings pofTefTed my foul, after perfed: holinefs : God was fo pre- cious to my foul, that the world with all its enjoy- ments was infinitely vile : I had no more value for the favour of men, than for pebbles : The Lord was my all ; and he overruled all ; which greatly delighted me. I think my faith and dependence on God fcarce ever rofe fo high. I faw him fuch a fountain of goodnefs, that it feemed impoflible I fhould diftruft him again, or be any way anxious about any thing that fhould happen to me. ' I now enjoyed great fweetnefs in praying for abfent friends, and for the enlargement of Chrift's kingdom in the world. Much of the power of thefe divine enjoy- ments remained with me through the day. In the evening my heart feemed fweetly to melt, and, I trufl, was really humbled for indwelling corruption, and I mourned like a dove, 1 felt that all my unhappinefs ;arofe from my being a finner ; for with rcfignation I could bid welcome all other trials ; but fm hung heavy upon me j for God difcovered to me the cor- ruption of my heart : So that I went to bed with a heavy heart, becaufe I was a finner; though I did not in the leaft doubt of God's love, O that God would purge aw(iy my drofs, and take away my tin, and make mc fevcn times refined,
nurfday.
Mr. DAVID bra I nerd. 47
Thurfday'y April %<^. — Was kept ofFat a diftance from God ; but had fome enlargement in interceflion for precious fouls.
FriJjy, April 'p. — Was fometbing dejeded in fpir- it : Nothing grieves me fo much, as that I cannot liveconftantly to God's glory. I could bear any de- fertion or fpiritual confli<^s, if I could but have 7ny heart all the while burning within me with love to God and defires of his glory : But this is impoffibie ; for when I feel thefe, I cannot be dejed:ed in my foul, but only rejoice in my Saviour, who has deliv- ered me from the reigning power, and will ftiortly deliver me from the indwelling of fin.
Saturday, May i . — Was enabled to cry to God with fervency for minifterial qualifications, and that God would appear for the advancement of his own king- dom, and that he would bring in the heathen world, &c. Had much afiTiftance in my ftudies. This has been a profitable week to me j 1 have enjoyed many communications of the blelTed Spirit in my foul.
hordes Day^ May 2. — God was pleafed this morn- ing to give me fuch a fight of myfelf, as made me appear very vile in my own eyes : I felt corruption llirring in my heart, which I could by no means fup- prefs J felt more and more deferted ; was exceeding weak, and almofi: fick with my inward trials.
Monday^ May 3. — Had a fenfe of vile ingratitude. In the morning I withdrew to my ufual place of re- tirement, and mourned for my abufe of my dear Lord : Spent the day in fafling and prayer : God gave me much power of wrefiling for his caufe and kingdom : And it was a happy d^y to my foul. God was with me all the day, and I was more above the world than ever in my life.
[Through the remaining part of this week, he complains almoft every day of defertion and inward trials and conflids, attended with dejedion of fpirit ;
but
48 T H E L I F £ o r
but yet {peaks of times of relief and fweetnefs, and daily refrefliing vifits of the Divine Spirit, affording fpecial alTiftance and comfort, and enabling, at fome times, to much fervency and enlargement in relig- ious duties.]
Lord's Day ^ Mayg. — I think I never felt fo much of the curfed pride of my heart, as well as the ftub- bornnefs of my will before. O dreadful ! what a vile wretch I am ! I could not fubmit to be nothing, and to lie down in the duft ! O that God would humble me in the duft. I felt myfelf fuch a finner, all day, that I had fcarce any comifort. Oh, when Ihall I be delivered from the body of this death ! I greatly feared, left through ftupidity and carcleflhefs I fhould lofe the benefit of thefe trials. O that they might be fandlified to my foul. Nothing feemed to touch me but only this, that I was a finner. Had fer- vency and refrefliment in fecial prayer in the evening.
Monday y May lO. — Rode to New-Haven; faw fome chriftian friends there ; had comfort in joining in prayer with them, and hearing of the goodnefs of God to them fincc I laft faw them.
Tucfday, May 1 1 . — Rode from New-Haven to Weathersfield ; was very dull mofl of the day ; bad little fpirituality in this journey, though I often longed to be alone with God ; was much perplexed with vile thoughts ; was fometinies afraid of every thing : But God was my helper. Catchcd a little time for retirement in the evening, to my comfort and rejoicing. Alas, I cannot live in the midfl of a tumult ! I long to enjoy God alone.
Wednefday, May I2. — HadadiftrelTing view of the pride and enmity and vilenefs of my heart. After- wards had fweet refrefliment in converling, and wor- Hiipping God, with chriilian friends.
Thurfday,May 13*— Sawfo much of the wicked- nefs of my heart, that I longed to get' av.-ay from
myfelf.
Mr. DAVID BR M NERD. 49
myfelf. I never before thought, there was fo much fpiritual pride in my foul : I felt almoft prefled to death with my own vilenefs. O, what a body of death is there in me ! Lord, deliver ?ny foul. I could not find any convenient place for retirement, and was greatly exercifed. Rode to Hartford in the after- noon : Had fome refrefhment and comfort in relig- ious exercifes with chriftian friends ; but longed for more retirement. O the clofeft walk with God is the fweeteft heaven, that can be enjoyed on earth !
Friday, May 14.— Waited on a council of minifters convened at Hartford, and fpread before them the treatm.ent I had met with from the red:or and tutors of Yale College ; who thought it advifable to inter- cede for me with the recflorand trullees, and to en- treat therii to reftore me to my former privileges in col- lege*. After this, fpent fome time in religious ex- ercifes with chriftian friends.
Saturday , May 1 5.— Rode from Hartford to Hebron • was fomething dejed:ed on the road ,• appeared ex- ceeding vile in my own eyes ,• faw much pride and ftubbornnefs in my heart. Indeed I never faw fuch a week before, as this ; for I have been almofl ready to die with the view of the wickednefs of my heart. I could not have thought I had fach a body of death lu. me. O that God would deliver my foul,
[The three next days, which he fpent at Hebron, Lebanon, and Norwich, he complains flill of dul- nefs and dcfertion, and exprefTes a (^ni^ of his vile- nefs, and longing to hide himfelf in fome cave or den of the earth : But yet fpeaks of fome inter- vals of comfort and foul refrediment each day.]
WednefdayMay 19.— [AtMillington] 1 was fo amaz- ingly defected this morning, that I fcemed io feel a fort of horror in my foul. Alas, when God withdraws, what is there that can afford any comfort to the foul 1
D [Through
• *The appi-c3t;oE '.vki'.h vraj thenmxie on his behalf; had n^; the derued fu:ceft.
so TheLIFEof
[Through the eight days next following, he ex- prelTes more calmnefs and comfort, and confidera- ble life> fervency and fweetnefs in religion.]
Friday, Mciyl'6.—[h\. New-Haven] I think, Ifcarce ever felt fo calm in my life ; I rejoiced in refignation, and giving myfelf up to God, to be wholly and en- tirely devoted to him forever.
[On the three following days, there was, by the .account he gives, a continuance of the fame excel- lent frame of mind, lall expreffed : But it feems not to be altogether to fo great a degree.]
Tuefday^'Junei. — Had muchof the prefenceof God in family prayer, and had fome comfort in fccret. I was greatly refreflied from the word of God this morning, which appeared exceeding fweet to me: Some things that appeared myfterious, were opened to me. O that the kingdom of the dear Saviour might come wath power, and the healing waters of the fan5luary fpread far and wide for the healing of the ?jations. Came to Ripton ; but was very weak : However, being vifited by a number of young peo- ple in the evening, 1 prayed with them.
[The remaining part of this week, hefpeaksof be- ing much diverted and hindered in thebufinefs of relig- ion, by great weaknefs of body, and neceflary affairs, that he had to attend, and complains of having but little power in religion j but fignifies, that God here- by fliewed him, he was like a helplefs infant caftout in the open field.]
Lord's day, June 6. — I feel much deferted : But all this teaches me my nothingnefs and vilenefs more than ever.
Monday, Jane 'J. — Feltftill powerlefs in fecret pray- er. Afterwards I prayed, and converfed, with fome little life. God feeds me with crumbs : BlelTed be his name for any thing. 1 felt a great defire, that all God's people might know how mean and little
and
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 5!
and vile I am ; that they might fee I am nothingj that fo they may pray for me aright, and not hav6 the leaft dependence upon me.
Tuefday, June 8.— I enjoyed one fvveet and precious feafon this day : I never felt it fo fweet to be nothing, and lefs than nothing, and to be accounted nothing.
[The three next days he complains ofdefertion, and want of fervency in religion ; but yet his Diary fhews that every day his heart was engaged in relig- ion, as his great and as it vvere only bufinefs.]
Saturday^ 'June I2. — Spent much time in prJtyer, this morning, and enjoyed much fweetnefs : Feltin- fatiable longings after God, much of the day : I wondered how poor fouls do to live, that have no God. The world, with all its enjoyments, quite van- ifhed. I fee myfelf very helplefs : But I have a bleff- ed God to go to. I longed exceedingly to bcdijfohed^ and to be iJDith ChriJ}^ to behold his glory. O, my weak weary foul longs to arrive at my Father* s houfe.
Lord* s Day, Ju?jei'^.-^¥Q\t fomethingcalm and re- figned in the publick worfliip : At the facrament faw myfelf very vile and worthlefs. O that I may always lie low in the duft. My foul feemed fteadily to go forth after God, in longing defires to live upon him. Monday, June i4.-^Felt fomethingof the fweetnefs of communion with Gad, and the conftraining force of his love : How admirably it captivates the foul, and makes all the defires and afiedtions to center ia God ! I fet apart this day for fecret fafting and pray- er, to entreat God to diredl and blefs me with regard to the great work I have in view, of preaching the gofpel J and that the Lord would return to me and Jhew me the light of his countenance. Had little life and power in the forenoon : Near the middle of the afternoon, God enabled me to wreflle ardently in in- tercefTion for abfent friends 1 But jull at night, the Lord vifited me marvelloufly in prayer ; I think D 2, my
52 T H E L I F E o F
niy foul never was in fuch an agony before : I fck no reftraint j for the treafures of divine grace were opened to me. I wreftled for abfent friends, for the ingathering of fouls, for multitudes of poor fouls, and for many that I thought were the children of God, perfonally, in many difiant places. I was in fuch an agony, from fun half an hour high, until near dark, that I was all over wet.with fweat j but yet it feemed to me that I had wafted. away the day, arid had done nothing. O, my dear Jefus did fweat blooil iQx poor fouls ! I long for more compaffion towards them. Felt ftill in a fvveet frame, und^^r a fenfe of divine love and grace; and went to bed in fuch a -frame, with my heart fet on God.
Tuefday^ ^une 15.— Had the moft ardent longings after God, that ever 1 felt in my life : At noon, in my fecret retirement, I could do nothing but tell my dear Lord, in a fweet calm, that he knew I longed for nothing but himfelf, nothing but holinefs j that he had given me thefe defires, and he only could give me the thing defired. I never feemed to be io unhinged from myfelf, and to be fo wholly devot- ed to God. My heart was fwallowed up in God, moft of the day. In the evening I had fuch a view of the fouFs being as it were enlarged, to contain more holinefs, that my foul feemed ready to fepa- rate from my body and ftretch to obtain it. I then wreftled in an agony for divine bleffings ; had my heart drawn out in prayer for fomechriftian friends, beyond what I ever had before. I feel differently now from what ever I did under any fweet enjoy- ments before, more engaged to live to God forever, and Icfs pleafed with my own frames : I am not fat- isfied with my frames, nor feel at all more eafy af- ter-fuch fvveet flrugglings than before; for it fecms far too little, if I could always be fo. O, how fhort do I fall of my duty in my fweetcil moments !
[In
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. s^
[In his Diary for the two next days, he exprefTes fomething of the fame frame, but inafarlefs degree*.]
Friday, 'June 18. — Confidering my great unfitnefs for the work of the miniftry, my prefent deadnefs, and total inability to do any thing for the glory of God that way, feeling my felf very helplefs,andata great lofs what the Lord 'xould have me to do, I fet apart this day for praj^cr to God, and fpent moil of the day in that duty j but amazingly deferted, mofl: of the day : Yet I found God gracioully near, once in particular, while I was pleading for ignore compaf- lion for immortal fouls; my heart feemed to be open- ed at once, and I was enabled to cry with great ar- dency, for a few minutes. O, I was diftrefTed, to think, that I fliould offer fuch dead cold fervices to the living God I My foul feemed to breathe after holinefs, a life of conilant devotednefs to God, But I am almofl: loft fometimes in the purfuit of this bleffednefs, and ready to fink, becaufe I continually fall (liort and mifs of my defire. O that the Lord would help me to hold out, yet a little while, until the happy hour of deliverance comes.
Lord's Day, June 10. — Spent much time alone. My foul longed to be holy, and reached after God ; but feemed not to obtain my defire : I hungered and thirfted ; but was not fweetly refrelhed and fatisfi- ed. My foul hung on God, as my only portion. O that I could ^rox- in grace more abundantly every day.
[The next day he fpeaks of his having alTiftance in his ftudies, and power, fervency and comfort in prayer.]
Tit efday, June 22. — In the morning, fpent about two hours in prayer and meditation, with confiderable delight. Towards night, felt my foul go out in long- D3 ing
*H'-reena ihe 50 fiift pages of ihe third voluwieof his Diary, which he fpeaks of jn the beirinnins; of this volume (as was ohfervcd before) as con'.aining a fpecimen of his or(linar')> mani)c-r of living, through the whole fpacc of time, from the beginning o! tijofc two voJumes that v^cre (Icftroycd .
54 TheLIFEof
ing defires after God, in fecret retirement. In the evening, was fvveetly compofed and rcfigned to God's will ; was enabled to leave myfelf and all my concerns with him, and to have my whole depend- ence upon him : My fecret retirement was very re^ frefhingto my foul : It appeared fuch a happinefs to have God for my portion, that I had rather be any other creature in this lower creation, than not come to the enjoyment of God : I had rather be a beaft, than a man, without God, if I were to live here to eternity. Lord, endear thy felf more to me.
[In his Diary for the next feven days,' he expreffes a variety of exercifes of mind ; He fpeaks of great longings after God and holinefs, and earneft defires for the conversion of others, of fervency in prayer, and power to wreille with God, and of compofure, comfort and fweetnefs, frpm time to time ; but ex- preffes a fenfe of the vile abomination of his heart, and bitterly complains of his barrennefs, and the prefling body of death ; and fays, he faw clearly that whatever he enjoyed better than hell, was free grace.]
Wednefday, 'Jufie 30. — Spent this day alone in the woods, in failing and prayer; underwent the moil dreadful conflids in my foul, that ever I felt, in fome refpedts : I faw myfelf fo vile, that I was ready to fay , IJhall now perifl) by the hand of Saul, 1 1 h ou gh t , and almoft concluded, I had no power to fland for the caufe of God, but was almoft ajraid of the Jhak^ ing of a leaf. Spent almoft tlie whole day in prayer, incefTantly. 4 could not bear to think of chriflians* fhewing me any refpedl. I almoft defpaired of do- ing any fervice in the world. I could not feel any hope or comfort refpec^ting the heathen, which ufed to afford me fome refrefliment in the darkefl hours of this nature. I fpent away the day in thz bitter- nefs of my foul. Near night I felt a little better, ancj afterwards enjoyed fome fweetnefs in fecret prayer.
rkufd^iy.
k
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. SS
Thurfday, 'July i . — Had fome fweetnefs in prayer this morning. Felt exceeding fweetly in lecret prayer to night, and defired nothing fo ardently as that God fhould do with me jiifl as he pleafcd.
Friday, July 2. — Felt compofed in fecret pra3^er, in the morning. My defires fweetly afcended to God this day, as 1 was travelling : And was comfortable in the evening. Blefled be God for all my confolations.
Lord's Day, July 4. — Had confiderable afliftance. In the evening, I withdrew and enjoyed a happy feafon in fecret prayer : God was pleafcd to give me the exercife of faith, and thereby brought the in- vifible and eternal world near to my foul ; which appeared fweetly to me. I hoped, that my weary pilgrimage in the world would be fliort, and that it would not be long before I was brought to my heavenly home and Father's houfe : I was fweetly reiigned to God's will, to tarry his time, to do his work, and fuffer his pleafure. I felt thankfulnefs to God for all my preiling defertions of late ; for I am perfuaded they have been made a means of mak- ing me more humble, and much more rcfigned. I felt pleafed, to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in the duji. I enjoyed life and fweet confolation in pleadingfor the dear children of God, and the king- dorn of Chrifl in the world : And my foul earneflly breathed after holinefs and the enjoyment of God. O, come Lord J ejus ! come quickly. Amen.
[By his Diary for the remaining days of this week, it appears that he enjoyed confide rabid compofure and tranquillity, and had fweetnefs and fervency oF fpirit in prayer, from day to day.]
[The eight next days, he exprelTcs confiderable comfort and fervency of fpirit in chriflian converfa- tion and religious exercifcs.]
Monday, July 19. — My defires fccm cfpecially to be carried out after weancdnefs from tlie v/crld, pcr- D 4 feet
^6- T H E L I F E o F
fed deadnefs to it, and to be even crucified to all its allurements. M}^ foul longs to feci itfelf more of a pilgrim and ftranger here below ; that nothing may divert me from preiTing through the lonely def- ert, until I arrive at my Father's houfe.
Tuefday, 'July 20. — It was fweet, to give away rnyfelf to God, to bedifpofed of at his plcafure ; and had fome feeling fenfe of the fwcetnefs of being a pilgrim on earth.
[The next day, he exprefles himfelf as determin- ed to be wholly devoted to God ; and it appears by his Diary, that he fpent the whole day in a mofl: dili- gent exercife of religion, and exceeding comfortably.]
Thurfday^ 'July 22.— Journeying from Southbury to Ripton, called at a houfe by the way, where be- ing very kindly entertained and refrefhed, I was fill- ed with amazement and fliame,that God fhould ilir up the hearts of any to fhew \'o much kindnefs to fuch a dead dog <ilS I ; was made fenfible, in fome mcafure, hov/
exceeding vile it is, not to be wholly devoted to God. I wondered that God would fuffer any of his crea- tures to feed and fuftain me, from time to time.
[In his Diary for the fix next days, arc expreffed various exercifes and experiences, fuch as fweet com- pofure and fervency of fpirit in meditation and pray- er, weanednefs from the world, being fenfibly a piU grim and llrangeron the earth, engagednels of mind to fpend every inch of time for God, &c.]
T^hurf day JJ lily 29. — Was examined by the aflbci- g^tion met at Danbury, as to my learning, and alfo my experiences in religion, and received a licenfe from them to preach the gofpel of Chrifi. After- wards felt much devoted to God ; jointed in prayer with one of the miniliers, my peculiar friend, in a convenient place ; went to bed refolving to live de- voted to God all my days.
PART
Mr. DAVID BRA IN ERD. 57 PART III.
From the tme of his being Ucenfed to preachy by the Ajfociation^ until he was examined in Newyork, by the Correfpondents or Comniijfioners of the Society in Scotland for propagating Chriflian Knoi£ledge^ and approved and appointed as their Missionary to //6^ Indians.
FRIDAY, ^^uly 30, 1742.— Rode from Danbury to Southbury ; preached there from i Pet. iv. 8. Had much of the comfortable prefence of God in the cxercife : I feemed to have power with God in prayer, and power to get hold of the hearts of the people in preaching.
Saturday, "July 31. — Exceeding calm and compof- ed, and was greatly refreflied and encouraged.
[It appears by his Diary, that he continued in this fweetnefs and tranquillity, almofl through the whole of the next week.]
Lord*s Day, Augujl 8. — In the morning felt com- fortably in fccrct prayer ; my foul was refrefhed with the hopes of the heathen's coming home to Chrill ; was much refigned to God ; I thought it was no mat- ter what became of me. Preached both parts of the day at Bethlehem, from Job xiv. 14. It was fweet to me to meditate on death. In the evening, telt very comfortably, and cried to Gpd fervently, in fe- crct prayer.
Thurfday, Augvfl I2. — Thismorning and lafl: night was exercKed with fore inward trials : I had no pow- er to pray j but feem.ed Ihut out from God. I had in a great nicafure loll: my hopes of God's fending mc among the heathen afar off, and of feeinsr them
jflock
58 The LI F E OF >
flock home to Chrift. I faw fo much of my helHfh vilenefs, that I appeared worfe to myfelf, than any devil : I wondered that God would let me live, and wondered that people did not Hone me, much more, that they would ever hear me preach ! It feemed as though I never could nor fhould preach any more ; yet about nine or ten o*clock, the people came over, and I was forced to preach : And blefTed be God, he gave me his prefence and fpirit in prayer and preaching : So that I was much affifted, and fpake with power from Job xiv. 14. Some Indians cried out in great diftrefs*, and all appeared greatly concerned. After we had prayed and exhorted them to feek the Lord with conftancy, and hired an En- glifh woman to keep a kind of fchool among them, we came away about one o'clock, and came to Ju- dea, about fifteen or fixteen miles. There God was pleafed to vifit my foul with much comfort. BlefT- ed be the Lord for all things I meet with.
[It appears, that the two next days he had much comfort, and had his heart much engaged in religion . ]
hordes DayyAugufli'T,. — Felt much comforttend devotednefs to God this day. At night, it was refrefli- ing, to get alone with God and pour out my fouL O who can conceive of the fweetnefs of communion with the bleffed God, but thofe that have experience of it ! Glory to God forever, that I may tafte heav- en below.
Monday y Augujl 16. — Had fome comfort in fecret prayer, in the morning. Felt fweetly fundry times in prayer this day^ But was much perplexed in the evening with vain converfation.
I'ucfdayy Augujl 17. — Exceedingly dcpreflTed in fpirit. It cuts and wounds my heart, to think how much felf exaltation, fpiritual pride, and warmth of
* temper,
• It was in a place near Kent, in tbfi weflcrn bortlcrs of Connecticut, whrrc thcic vas a number oi ludiani.
Mr* DAVID BR AI NERD. 59
temper, I have formerly bad intermingled with my endeavours to promote God's work : And fometimes I long to lie down at the feet of oppofers, and con- fefs what a poor imperfed: creature I have been and ftill am. O, the Lord forgive me, and make me for the future wife as aferpent^ and harmlefs as a dove. Afterwards enjoyed conliderable comfort and delight of foul.
Wednefday, Augiijl 18.— Spent moft of this day in prayer and reading. I fee fo much of my own ex- treme vilenefs, that I feel afhamed and guilty before God and man : I look to myfelf, like the vileft fel- low in the land : I wonder, that God ftirs up his peo- ple to be fo kind to me.
Thurfday, Augujl 19. — This day, being about Xq go from Mr. Bellamy's at Bethlehem, where I had refided fome time, prayed with him, and two or three other chriftian friends, and gave ourfelves to God with all our hearts, to he his forever. Eternity looked very near to me, while I was praying. If I never Ihould fee thefe chriftians again in this world it feewed but a few mom.ents bct^ore I (liould meet them in another world. Parted with them Ivvectly.
Friday y Augu/l 20. — I appeared fo vile to myfelf, that I hardly dared to think of being fecn, efpecially on account of fpiritual pride. However, tonight, I enjoyed a fvveet hour alone with God [at Rip ton.] I was lifted above the frowns and flatteries of this low- er world, had a fvveet relilli of heavenly joys, and my foul did as it were get into the eternal world, and really tafte of heaven. I had a fweel^feafon of inter- ccflion tor dear friends in Chrifl: ; and God helped . me to cry fervently for Zion. BlciTed be God for this fealon.
Monday, Aiiguji 23. — Had a fweet feafon in fccret prayer : The Lord drew near to my foul, and fdled mc Vxith peace anci divine confolation. O, mv foul
tailed
66 TheLIFEof '
taftevl the fweetnefs of the upper world ; and was fweetly drawn out in prayer for the world, that it might come home to Chrifl: ! Had much comfort in the thoughts and hopes ofthe ingathering of the hea- then ; and was greatly aflifted in interceflion for . chriftian friends.
[He continued ftill in the fame frame of mind the next day, but in a lefTer degree.]
IFedncfday^ Augujl 25. — In family prayer, God helped me to climb up near him, fo that 1 fcarce ever got nearer.
Monday, Augujl 30. — Felt fomething comfortably in the morning j converfed fweetly with fome friends \ was in a ferious compofed frame ; prayed at a certain houfe with fome degree of fweetnefs. Afterwards, at another houfe, prayed privately with a dear chrif- tian friend or two j and I think I fcarce ever launch- ed fo far into the eternal world, asthen ; I got fo far out on the broad ocean, that my foul with joy tri- umphed over all the evils on the fliores of mortality. I think time and all its gay amufements and cruel difappointmcnts, never appeared foinconfiderable to me before : I was in a fweet frame ; I faw myfelf nothing, and my foul reached after God with intenfe defire. O ! I faw what I owed to God, in fuch a manner, as I fcarce ever did : I knew, 1 had never lived a moment to him, as I fhould do : Indeed it appear- ed to me, I had never done any thing in cliriftianity ; My foul longed with a vehement defire to live to God. In the evening, fung and prayed with a numbef of cliriflians : Felt ihe poiz^ers ofthe 'world to come^ in my foul, in prayer. Afterwards prayed again pri- vately, with a dear chriftian or two, and found the prefence of God ; was fomething humbled in my fe- cret retirement ; felt my ingratitude, becaufc I was not wholly fwallowed up in God.
[He was in a fweet frame great part of the next day . ]
IVcdncJday^
{
Mr. DA VI D BR AI NERD. 6i
Wednefday, September I. — Went to Judea, to the Ordination of Mr. Jiidd. Dear Mr. Bellamy preach- ed from Matth. xxiv. 46. BleJJed is that fervant, . ^c. I felt very folemn, and very fvveetly, moil of the time ; had my thoughts much on that time when our Lord will come ; that time refreflied my foul much j only I was afraid, I fliould not be found faithful, bccaufe I have fo vile a heart. My thoughts were much in eternity, where I love to dwell. BlefT- ed be God for this folemn feafbn. Rode home xo night with Mr. Bellamy ; felt ibmething fweetly on the road ; converfed with fome friends until it was very late, and then retired to reft in a comforta- ble frame.
Tburfday, September 2. — About two in the after- noon, I preached from Job. vi. 67. and God affifted me in fomc comfortable degree ; but more efpecially in my firft prayer ; my foul feemed then to launch quite into the eternal world, and to be as it werefep- arated from this lower world. Afterwards preached again from Ifa. v. 4. God gave me fome ailiftancc ; but I faw myfelf a poor worm.
[On Friday, September 3, he complains of having but little life in the things of God, the former part of the day, but afterwards fpeaks of fweetnefs and enlargement.]
Saturday y September 4. — Much out of health, and exceedingly dcpreffed in my foul, and wis at an aw- ful diftancc from God. Towards night fpent fome time in profitable thoughts on Rom. viii. 2. Near night, had a very fvveet feafon in prayer ; God ena- bled m.e to wreflle ardently for the advancement of the Redeemer*s kingdom ; pleaded earnefUy for my own dear brother John, that God would make him t more of a pilgrim and ftranger on the earth, and fit him for finguiar ferviccablenefs in the world ; and my heart fweetly exulted in the Lord, in the thoughts
of
63 T H E L I F E o F .
of any diflrefles that might alight on him or mc, hi the advancement of Chrift^s kingdom. It was a fwcet and comfortable hour unto my foul, while I was indulged freedom to plead, not only for myfelf, but, for many other fouls.
Lord's Day, September 5.— Preached all day ; was fomething (Irengthencd and aflifted in the afternoon ; more efpecially in the evening : Had a fenfe of my iinfpeakablc fhort comings in all my duties. I found, alas ! that I had never lived to God in my life.
Monday y September 6. — Was informed that they only waited for an opportunity to apprehend me for preaching at New-Haven lately, that fo they might impriibn me : This made me more folemn and feri- ous, and to quit all hopes of the world*s friend iliip : It brought me to a further fenfe of my vilenefs, and juft defert of this, and much more, from the hand of God, though not from the hand of man : Retired into a convenient place in the woods, and fpreadthc matter before God.
[Tuefday'y September']. — This day he rode to New- Haven, but was obliged to fecrete himfelf among private friends]
Wednefdayy September 8. — Felt very fweetly, when I firfl rofe in the morning. In family prayer, had fome enlargement, but not much fpirituality, until eternity came up before me and looked near : I found fom.e fweetnefs in the thoughts of bidding a dying^ farewell to this tirefome world.. Though fome- time ago I reckoned upon feeing my dear friends at commencement, yet being now denied the opportu- nity, for fear of imprifonment, I felt totally refign- ed, and as contented to fpend this day alone in the woods, as I could have done, if I had been allowed to go to town. Felt exceedingly weaned from the world to day. In the afternoon difcourfed fome- thing on fome divine things with a dear chriflian
friend,
Mr. DAVID BR a I nerd. 6^
friend, whereby we were both refreflied. Then I prayed, with a fweet fenfe of thebleirednefs of com- munion 'with God : I think I fcarce ever enjoyed more of God in any one prayer. O it was a blelled feafon indeed to my foul ! I knew not that ever I favv fo much of my own nothingnefs in my life ; never wondered fo, that God allowed me to preach his word ; never was fo aftonifhed as now. This has been a fweet and comfortable day to my foul ; Bleff- ed be God. Prayed again with my dear friend, with fomething of the divine prefence. I long to be wholly conformed to God, and transformed into his image.
Tburfiluy, September (). — Spent much of the day alone : Enjoyed the prefence of God in fome com- fortable degree : Was vifited by fome dear friends, and prayed with them : Wrote fundry letters io friends j felt religion in my foul while writing : En- joyed fome fweet meditations on fome fcriptures. In the evening, went very privately into town, from the place of my refidence at the farms, and converfed with fome dear friends j felt fweetly in finging hymns with them ; and made my efcape to the farms again, without being difcovered by my enemies, as I knew of. Thus the Lord preferves me continually. Friday y September \0. — Longed with intenfe defire after God : My whole foul fcemed impatient to be conformed to him, and to become holy^ as he is holy. In the afternoon, prayed with a dear friend privately, and had the prefence of God with us ; our fouls united together to reach after a bleffed immortality, to be unclothed of the body of Jin a?id death, and to enter the bleffed world , where no unclean thing enters. O, with what intenfe defire did our fouls long for that bleffed day, that we might be freed from fin, and forever live to and in our God ! In the evening, took leave of that houfe j but firft kneeled down and
prayed ;
64 TheLIFEop
prayed ; the hordwas of a truth in the midjl of us ; it vvas a fwect parting fcafon; felt in myfelf much fweetnefs and_affe(5tion in the things of God. Bleir- cd-beGod for every luch divine gale of his Spirit, to fpced me in my way to the New Jerufalem ! Felt fome fweetnefs afterwards, and fpent the evening in converfation with friends, and prayed v;ith fome life, and retired to reft vefy late.
[The five next days, he appears to have been in an exceeding comfortable, fweet frame of mind, for the moft part, and to have been the fwbjetSt of the like heavenly exercifes as are often expielTed in pre- ceding pafTages of his Diary.]
Thurfday, September i6.— At nighti felt exceeding fweetly : Enjoyed much of God iri Jecret prayer: Felt an uncommon refignation, to be and do what God pleafed. Some days part, I felt great perplex- ity on,account of my paft condud : My bitternefs, and want of chriftian kindnefs and love, has been very-diftreffing to my foul. The Lord forgive me my unchriilian warmth, and want of 4 fpirit of meek- nefs.
[The next day, he fpeaks of much refignation, calmncfs and peace of mind, and near views of the eternal world.]
Saturday, September 18. — Felt fome compaflion for fouls, and mourned I had no more. I feel much more kindnefs, meeknefs, gentlencfs and love to- wards all mankind, than ever. I long to be at the feet of my enemies and perfecutors. Enjoyed fome fweetnefs, in feeling my foul conformed to Chrjfl Jefus, and given away to him forever, in prayer io day.
[The next ten days, he appears to have been for the niofl part under great degrees of melancholy, ex- ceedingly dcjcdied and difcouraged ; fpeaks of his being ready to give up all for gone refpedting the
caufe
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERO. 65
caiife of ChriH, and exceedingly longing to die : Yet had Ibmefweet ieafons and intervals ot comfort, and Ipecial affiflance and enlargement in the duties of re-* ligion, and in performing publick fervices, and con* liderable fuccefs in them.]
Thurfday, September 'Tp.-^^iWl very low ih fpirits, and did not know how to engage in any work orbuf- inefs, efpecially to correct fome diforders among chriftians ; felt as though I had no power to be faith- ful in that regard. However, towards noon, preach- ed from Deut. viii. 2. and was enabled with free- dom to reprove fome things in chriftians* conduct, that I thought very unfuitable and irregular -, infill- ed near two hours on this fubjed:.
[Through this and the two following Weeks, he palTed through a variety of exercifes : He was fre- quently dejeded, and felt inward diftrefles ; and fometimes funk into the depths of melancholy : At which turns, he was not exercifed about the ftate of his foul, with regard to the favour of God and his interetl in Chrift, but about his own finful infirmi- ties, and uniitnefs for God's fervice* His mind ap- pears fometimes extremely deprefTed and funk with a fenfe of inexpreffible vilenefs* But in the mean time, he fpeaks of many feafons of comfort and fpir- itual refrefliment, wherein his heart was encouraged and ftrengthened in God, and fweetly refigned to his will, and of fome feafons of very high degrees or fpiritual confolatlon, and of his great longings after holinefsand conformity to God, of his great fear of offending God, of his heart*s being fweetly melted fn religious duties, of his longing for the advance- ment of Chrift's kingdom, and of his having at fome times much afliftance in preaching, and of femarka* ble efTeCls on the auditoryj
Lord's D^y\^ OBober 17.— -Had a con ff def able fen fd of my helpleiinefs and inability j faw that I muft bc^ B dependent
6$ TheLIFEof
dependent on God for all I want ; and efpccially when I went to the place of publick worfliip : I found I could not fpeak a word for God without his fpecial help and ajTiftance : I went into the affembly trembling, as 1 frequently do, under a fenfe of my infufEciency to do any thing in the caufe of God, as I ought to do. But it pleafed God to afford me much nfliftance, and there feemed to be a confidera- ble effed: on the hearers. In the evening, I felt a difpofition to praife God for his goodnefs to me, in fpecial, that he had enabled me in fome meafure to be faithful ; and my foul rejoiced to think, that I had thus performed the work of one day more, and was one day nearer my eternal, and (I truft) my heavenly home. O that I might h^ faithful to the deaths ful- filling as an hireling my day^ until the fhades of the evening of life fliall free my foul from the toils of the day ! This evening, in fecret prayer, I felt ex- ceeding folemn, and fuch longing defires after deliv- erance from fin, and after conformity to God, as melted my heart. O, I longed to be delivered from this body of death ! I felt inward pleafing pain, that I could not be conformed to God entirely, fully and forever. I fcarce ever preach without being firfl vifited with inward conflidts and fore trials. Blelf- ed be the Lord for thefe trials and diftreffes, as they are blelTed for my humbling.
Monday, OBober i8. — In the morning, felt fome fweetnefs, but ftill preffed through fome trials of foul. My life is a conftant mixture of confolations and con- flicfts, and will be fo until I arrive at the world of fpirits.
Tuefday, OBober 19. — This morning and lafl: night, felt ^ fweet longing in my foul after holinefs : My foul feemed fo to reach and ftretch towards the mark of perfed: fan^^tity, that it was ready to break with longings.
Thurfday,
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. ^
Thurfdayy OBober 2i.— Had a very deep fenfe of the vanity of the world, moft of the day ; had little more regard to it, than if I had been to go into eter- nity the next hour. Through divine goodnefs I felt very ferious and folemn. O, I love to live on the brink of eternity, in my views and meditations ! This gives me a fweet, awful and reverential fenfe and ap- prehenfion of God and divine things, when I fee my- felf as it \MtxtJianding before the judgment feat ofChrift,
'Friday y OBober 22. — Uncommonly weaned from the world to day : My foul delighted to be 2iflranger and pilgrim on the earth : 1 felt a difpofition in me never to have any thing to do with this world : The char- after given of fome of the ancient people of God, in. Heb. xi. 13. was very pleafing to me. They confejfed- that they "jvere pilgrims andflrangers on the earthy by their daily practice ; arid O that 1 could always do fo ! Spent fome confiderable time, in a pleafant grove, in prayer and meditation. O it is fweet, to be thus weaned from friends, and from myfelf, and dead to the prefent world, that fo I may live wholly to and upon the bleffed God. Saw myfelf little, low, and vile in myfelf. In the afternoon, preached at Bethlehem, from Deiit. viii. 2. and felt fweetly both in prayer and preaching : God helped ^^le to fpeak to the hearts of dear chriflians. Blcffed be the Lord for this feafoh : I truft, they and I fliall rejoice on this account to all eternity. Dear Mr. Bellamy came in, while I was making the firft prayer (being return- ed home from a journey) and after meeting, w^e walked away together, arid fpent the evening in fweetly converfing on divine things, imd praying to- gether, with fweet kjhd tender love to each other, and retired to reft vvith our hearts in a ferious fpir- itual frame.
Monday, O^^o^f/- 25.— [At Turkey- trills.] In the evening enjoyed the divine prefence in fecret praver :
E:; , It
6a TheLIFEof
It was a Tweet and comfortable feafon to me : My foul longed for .God^ for the' living. God: Enjoyed a fweet folemnity of fpirit, and longing defire after the recovery of the divine image in my foul ; Then fhall I befatisficd^ when Ifljall awake in God^s like- nefsy and never before.
Tuefday, Oaober26.—[kt Wefl-Siiffield.] Under- went the mod dreadful diftrelTes, under a fenfe of my own unworthinefs : It feemcd to me, I deferved rather to be driven out of the place, than to have any body treat me with any kindnefs, or come to hear me preach. And verily my fpirits were fodeprcffed at this time, as well as at many others, that it was impofli- blelfliould treat immortal fouls with faith fulnefs : I could not deal clofely and faithfully with them, I felt fo infinitely vile in myfelf. O, what dufl and afhes I am, to think of preaching the gofpcl to others ! Indeed, I never can be faithful for one moment, but fhall certainly daub with unte??jpered mortarj if God dees not grant me fpecial help. In the evening, I went to the meeting houfe, and it looked to me near as ea- fy for one to rife out of the grave and preach, as for me. However, God afforded me fome life and pow- er, both in prayer and fermon : God was pleafed to lift me up, and (hew me that he could enable me to preach. O the wonderful goodnefs of God ^o fo vile a finner 1 Returned to my quarters ; and enjoy- ed fome fvveetnefs in prayer alone, and mourned that I could not live more to God.
IVednefday, Otiober 27. — Spent the forenoon in prayer and meditation : Was not a little concerned about preaching in the afternoon : Felt exceedingly without flrength, and very helplefs indeed : Went into the meeting houfe, afhamed to fee any come to hear fuch an unfpeakahly worthlefs wretch. How- ever, God enabled me to fpeak with clearnefs, pow- er, and pungency : But there was fome noife and tu- mult
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 69
niult in the afTembl/, that I did not well like, and endeavoured to bear publick teftimony againft, with moderation and mlldnefs;, through the current of my difcourfc. In the evening, was enabled to be. in fome meafure thankful and devoted to Godp
[The frames and exercifes of his mind, during the four next days, were moftly very limilar to thofe of the tv^o days paft; excepting intervals of cpnfidera- ble degrees of divine peace and confolation.] .,,.
[Within this time he rode from Suffield to Eaflbu- ry, Hebron, and Lebanon.]
Thi/rJ'daVj NoveiJiber . ^. — [At Lebanon.] 5aw much of my nothini^nefs, moft of this day j but felt concerned that I had no morefenfeof my infufHcien:- cyjind unworthincfs. \ O it is fweet Ipitg in. thc-dujij but it is diflrefling, to feel in n1y foul that hell of corruption, which ftill remains in me. In the after- noon, had a fenfe of the fweetnefs of a, ftrid:, ,c^ofe and conflant devotednefs to God, and my foul was comforted with the confolations of God ; my foul felt a plcafing, yet painful concern, left I Ihould fpend fome moments ivithout God. O may I always live to God, In the evening, was viiired by fome friends, and fpcnt the time in prayer and fuch cojv verfation as tended to our edification. It was a com- fortable feafon to my foul : 1 felt an intenfe dcfire to fpend every moment for God. God is unfpeakably gracious to me continually : In times paft, he has given me inexprelTible fweetnefs in the performance of duty : Frequently my foul has enjoyed much of God ; but has been ready to fay, Lordit is good to be here ; and fo to indulge iloth, wliile I have lived on the fweetnefs of my feelings. But of late, God has been pleafed to keep my foul hungry, almoft contin- ually ; fo that I have been filled with a kind of a plcafing pain : When I really enjoy God, I feel my defiresof him the more influiable, and my thirftings
E 3 after
7p T H E L I F E Q F
after holinefs the more unquenchable ; and the Lord will not allow me to feel as though I were fully fup- plied and fatisfied, but keeps me dill reaching for- ward ; and I feel barren and empty, as though I could not live, without more of God in me ; 1 feej alhamed and guilty before God. O, I fee, the law Tsfpiritualy but I am carnal ! I do not, I cannot liv? to God. O for holinefs ! O for more of God in my foul ! O this pleafing pain ! It makes my foul prefs after God ; the language of it is, Thenjhall I he fatis- Jiedy when 1 awake in God^s likenefs^ Pfal". xvii. ult. but never, never before ; and confequently I am engaged to prefs toward the marky day by day. O that I may feel this continual hunger," andnot be retarded, but rather animated by every clufler from Canaan, to reach forvvard in the narrow way, for the full enjoy- ment and poffeffion of the heavenly inheritance. Q that I may never loiter in my heavenly journey.
[Thefe infatiable defires after God and holinefs^ continued the two next days, with a great fenfe of his own exceeding unworthiriefs, and the nothing- nefsof the things of thrs vt'orld.]
Lord's Day^ November 7.— [At Millingtpn.] It feemed as if fuch an unholy wretch as I never could arrive at that bleffednefs, to be holy, as God is holy. At noon, I longed for fandification, and con- formity to Gqd. 6, that is the all, the ail ! The Lord help me to prefs after God forever.
Monday, November 8. — Towards right, enjoyed much fweetncfs in fecret prayer, fo that my foul longed for an arrival in the heavenly country, the bleSed paradife of God. Through divine goodnefs, 1 have fcarce feen the day, for two months, but death has looked fo pleafant to me^dt one tiirie or other of the day, that 1 could have rejoiced the prefent fliould be my laft, notwithftanding my preffing inward trials and conflidls : And I trufl, the Lord will final- ly
Mr. da VI D -BR a I nerd. 71
ly make me a conqueror^ and more thanfo ; that I fliall be able to ufe that triumphant language, O deaths where is thy Jiing I And, O grave y 'UL'hereisthyviBory !
[Within the next ten days, the following things are expreffed ; Longing and wreftling to be holy and to live to God j a defire that every fingle thought might be for God ; feeling guilty, that his thoughts were no more fwallowed up in God ; fweet folemnity and calmnefs of mind, fubmiilion and re- fignation to God, great' weanednefs from the world, abafement in the dufl, grief at fbme vain converfa- tionthat was obferved, fweetnefs from time to time in fecret prayer, and inconverfing and praying with chriflian friends. And every day he appears to have been greatly engaged in the great bufinefs of religion and living to God, without interruption.]
Friday, November 19. — [At New-Haven.] Receiv- ed a letter from the reverend Mr. Pcmberton, of New-York, deliring mefpeedily togodown thither, and confult about the Indian affairs in thofe parts, and to meet certain gentlemen there, that were en- trufted with thofe affairs : My mind was inftantly feized with concern ; fo I retired with two or three chriflian friends and prayed ; and indeed it was a fweet time with me ; 1 was enabled to leave myfelf and all my concerns with God ; and taking leave bf friends, I rode to Ripton, and was comforted in an opportunity to fee and converfe with dear Mr. Mills.
[In the four next following days, he was fome- times opprelfed with the weight of that great affair, about which Mr. Pembcrton had written to him ; but was enabled from time to time tq caft his burden on the Lord, and to commit himfelf and all his con- cerns to him : And he continued ftill in a fenfe of the excellency of holinefs, and longings after it, and earneil defires of the advancement of Chri{l*s king-
E 4 doin
7'i T H E L I F E o F
dom in the world ; and bad from time to time fweet comfort in meditation and prayer.]
Wednefday, November 24. — Came to New- York ; felt ftill much concerned about the importance of my bufinefs ; put up many earnelt requelfs to God for his help and direction ; was confufcd with the noife and tumult of the city ; enjoyed but little time ^.Iqne with God ; but m.y ibul longed after him. .■^hurfday, November 25.— Spent much time in prayer and fupplication : Was examined by fomic gentlemen, of my chriftian experiences, and my ac- quaii>tance with divinity, and fome other lludies, in order to my improvement in that important affair of gofpellizing the heathen*: Was made fcnfible of my great ignorance and unfitnefs for publick fcrvice; I had the moft abafing thoughts of myfelf, I think, that ever I had j I thought myfelf the worft wretch that ever lived : It hurt me and pained my very heart, that any body fhould Ihew me any refpcd: : Alas I me thought, how fadly they are deceived in me J how miferably would they be difappointed, if they knew my infide ! O my heart ! And in this tleprefled condition, I was forced to go and preach to a confiderable alTembly, before fome grave and learn- ed minifters ; but felt fuch a preiTurc from a fenfe of my vilenefs, ignorance, and unfitnefs to appear in publick, that I was almoft overcome with it ; my foul was grieved for the congregation, that they fhould fit there to hear fuch a dead dog as I preach ; I thought myfelf infinitely indebted to the people, ^nd longed that God would reward them with the rewards of his grace. I fpent much of the evening alone,
* Thefe gentlemen that exnirjined Mr. Biaincrfl, were the Corrcfponder>ts, in New- York, New- Jerfey, and Pennfylvania, of the honourahle Society in Scotland for prop- agating Chriitian Knowledge ; to whom was co-nrnitted the 'management of their alfairs irjihofe parts, aad who weic now met at >>'ew-Y«)rk.
PART
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. .73 P A R T IV.
From the time of his examination by tke Correfpondents ■of the Societyfor propagating Chriflian Knowledge^ and being appointed their Missionary, to his firfi entrance on tloe bufinefs of his ?niJJion among the In- dians at Kaunaumeek,
FRIDAY, November ^6.—''H2.i fliil a fenfe of my great vilcnefs, and endeavoured as much as I could to keep alone. O, what a nothing, what duft and afhcs am 1 ! Enjoyed fome peace and comfort ia spreading my complaints before the God of all grace.
Saturday, November 27. — Committed my foul to God with lome degree of comfort ; left New-York about nine in the morning; came away with a dif- trefiing fenfe ftill of my unfpeakable unworthinefs. Surely I may well love all my brethren ; for none of them all is fo vile as I ; whatever they do outwardly, yet it feems'to me none is confcious of fo much guilt before God. O my kannefs, my barrennefs, my carnality, and palt bitternefs, and want of a gof- pel temper ! Thefe things opprefs my foul. Rode from New-York, thirty miles, to White Plains, <lnd moil: of the way continued lifting up my heart to God for mercy and purifying grace ; and ,fpent the evening much dejedlcd in fpirit.
[The three next days, he continued in this frame, in a great fenfe of his own vilenefs, with an evident mixture of melancholy, in no fmall degree ; but had fome intervals of comfort and Go^^s fenfible prefence with him.]
Wcdncfday^ December i .—My foul breathed after God, in fweet fpiritual and longing defires of coii-
formity
74 T.H E LI F E OF
formity to him ; my foul was brought to reft itfelf and all on his rich grace, and felt ftrcngth and en- couragement to do or fuffer any thing that divine Providence fhould allot me. Rode about twenty miles, from Stratfield to Newton.
[Within the fpace of the next nine days, he werrt a journey from Newton to Haddam, his native town; and after flaying there fome days, returned ^gain into the weftern part of Conncdlicut, and came to Southbury. In his account of the frames and exercifes of his mind, during this fpace of time, are fuch things as thefe : Frequent turns of deje(ftion, a fenfe of his. vilenefs, emptinefs, and unfathom- able abyfs of defperatc wickednefs in his heart, at- tended with a convid;ion that he had never feen but little of it ; bitterly mourning over his barrennefs, being greatly grieved that he could not live to God, to whom he owed his all ten thoufand times ; cry- ing out. My leannefs, my leannefs ! a fenfe of the meetnefs and fuitablenefs of his lying in the duft beneath God's feet j fervency and ardour in prayer ; longing to live to God, and being afflidted with fome impertinent trifling con verfation that he heard, but enjoying fweetnefsin chriftian converfation.]
Saturday y December ii. — Converfed with a dear friend, to whom I had thought of giving a liberal education, and being at the whole charge of it, that he might be fitted for the gofpel miniflry*. I ac- quainted him with my thoughts in that matter, and
fo
* Mr. Brainerd having now undertaken the bufmefs of a Miflionary to the Indi- ans, and expefting in a little time to leave his native country, to go among the Sav- ages, into the wildernefs, far didar^t, and fpend the remainder of his lifearnong them, and having fome eftaie left him by his father, and thinking he fliould have no oc- cafion for it amon;:; them, (though afterwards he told me he Found himfelf miftaken) he fet himfelf to think which way he might Ipend it molt to the glory of God ; and no way prefentio^ to his thoughts, wherein he could do more good wuh it, than by being at the charge of educating fome youn^ perfon for jtlu; miniUry, that ap- peared to be of good abilities and well difpofcd, he pitched upon this ptrfon here fpokcn of, to this end : Who accordingly was foon put to learning ; and Mr. Brai- nerd continued to be at the charge of his education from year to year fo long as he (Mr- Brainerd) Hved, which was until this young man was carried through his ihiid year in college.
Mr. DAVID BRA I NERD 75
fo left him to confider of it, until I iliould fee hi.m again. Then I rode to Bethlehem^ and fo came to Mr. Bellamy's lodgings ; fpent the evening with jiim in fvveet conycrfation and prayer : We rec- 'pmmended the important concern before men- tioned (of fending my friend to college) unto the God of all grace. Blefled be the Lord for this even- ing's opportunity together.
Lord's D.iy, December 12. — I felt, in the morning, as if I had little or no power either to pray or preachy and felt a diftrelling need of divine help : I went to meeting trembling ; But it pleafed God to allift me in prayer and fermon. ; vl think my foul fcarce ever penetrated fo Far into the immaterial vvorld, in any- one prayer that ever I made, nor were my devotions ever fo much refined, and free from grofs Concep- tions, and imaginations framed from beholding ma- terial objects. I preached with fome fvveetnefs, fromMatth, vi. Z^> But feek ye Jit /i, &ic. And in the afternoon from Rom. xv^30. Andnoiv I befeech youy brethren^ 5cc. There was much afFedtion in the affembly. This has been a fvveet Sabbath to me : And bleffed be God, I have reafon to think that my religion has become more refined and fpiritual, by means of my late inward conflids. Amen ! May I always be willing that God Ihould ufe his own methods with me.
Monday, December i"-!,. — Joined in prayer with Mr. Bellamy ; and found fweetnefs and compofure in )arting with him, who went a journey. 'Enjoyed iome fweetnefs through the day, and juft at night rode down to Woodbury.
Tuefdr.y, December 14. — Some perplexity bung on my mind : Was diftrelTcd laft night and this morn- ing for the intereft of Zion, efpecially on account of the falfe appearances of religion, that do but rath- <?r breed confuiion, efpecially m forne places. I
cried
Fo
76 The L I t E o f
cried to God fbrhd'p, to enable 'me to^beartfeTlfmon^ againftthofe things, which inllead of promoting, do but hinder the progrefs of vital piety. In the afteri* noon, rode down to Southbury, and converfed^agairt with my friend about the important affair of his following the work of the miniftry ; and he appear- ed much inclined to devote himfelf to that work, if God fhould fucceed his attempts to qualify himfelf for fo great a work. In the evening, I preached from I Theff. iv. 8. and endeavoured, though with tendcrnefs, to undermine falfe religion. The Lord gave me fome alfiftance ; but, however, I feemed fo vile, I was alhamed to be feen when I came out of the meeting houfe. , * '
■ Wedncfday^ December \^. — Enjoyed for^efh in g of God to day, both in fecret and focial prayer; but was fenfiblc of much barrenriefs,-and defe<fti'n duty, as well as my inability to help myfelf for the time to come, or to perform the work and bufinefs I have to do. Afterwards, felt much of the fweetnefs of religion, and the tendernefs of the gofpel temper ; was far from bitternefs, and found a dear love to all mankind, and was afraidoffcarcelyanythinglb much as left fome motion of anger or refentment fliould fome time or other creep into my heart. Had fome comforting foul refrefhing difcourfe with fome dear friends, jufl as we took our leave of each other, and fuppofed it might be likely we fhould not meet again until we came to the eternal world*. But I doubt not, through grace, but that fome of us lliall have a happy meeting there, and blefs God for this feafon, as well as many others. Amen.
Tburfdny,
* It had bten determined by the Comminioners, who employed Mr. Brainerd as a M»iri'>nary, that he f>->ou}d go <*» foon as might be conveniently, lo tlie Indians liv- ing nearihe Forks of Delaware river in Pennfylvania, ;iiid the Indians on Sufqucliau- nah river ; which being far ofl', where he would be cxpofed to many liaidlhips and danger* ; this wa» the occaiioc of his taking leave of his frknUs in this maancj.
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 77.
Thurfday, December 1 6.— Rode down to Derby ; bad f'ome Tweet thoughts on the road : My thoughts were very clear, efpecially on the effence of our fal- vation by Chrift, from thofe words, Thou Jhalt calV his name Jefus^ &c.
Friday, December 17.— Spent much time in fwcet converfation on fpiritual things with dear Mr. Hum- phreys. Rode to Ripton ; fpent fome time in prayer with dear chriftian friends.
Saturday, December 18. — Spent much time in prayer in the woods : Seemed raifed above the things of the world : My foul was flrong in the Lord of hofts : But was fenfible of great barrennefs.
hordes Day, December 19. — At the facrament of the Lord*s fupper, feemed ftrong in the Lord ; and the world with all its frowns and flatteries in a great meafuredifappeared, fo that my foul had nothing to do with them ; and I felt a difpodtion to be wholly and forever the Lord*s. In the evening, enjoyed fomething of the divine prefence ; had a humbling fenfe of my vilenefs, barrennefs and /infulnefs. O, it wounded me, to think of the mi {improvement of time ! God be jnerciful to me afinner.
Monday, December 50. — Spent this day in prayer, reading, and writing; and enjoyed fome afliftance, efpecially in correcting fome thoughts on a certain fubjed: ; but had a mournful fenfe of my barrennefs. Tuefday, December 2i. — Had a fenfe of my infuffi- cicncy for any publick work and bufinefs, as well as to live to God. 1 rode over to Derby, and preached 'there : It pleafcd God to give me very fvv'eet alliil- anceand enlargement, and to enable me tofpeak with jafoft and tender power and energy. We had after- [wirds a comfortable evening in fmging and prayer :.• [God enabled me to pray with as much fpiritualit f pnd fwectnefs as I have done for fome time : My mind feemed to be unclothed of fenfe and imagi/sa-
tio/n,
78 TheLIFEof
tion, and was in a meafiire let into the immaterial world of fpirits. This day and evening was, I truft, through infinite goodnefs, made very profitable to a number of us, to advance our fouls in holinefs and con- formity to God : The glory be to him forever. Amen. How blelfed it is to grow more and more like God !
Wednefday, December 22. — Enjoyed fome affiftancc in preaching at Ripton ; but my foul mourned with- in me for my barrennefs.
Thurfday^ 'December 1'}). — Enjoyed, I truft, fome- thing of God this morning in fecret. O how di- vinely fweet it is to come into the fecret of his pref- encc, and abide in his pavilHon ! Took an affection- ate leave of friends, not expe(5ting to fee them again for a very confiderable time, if ever in this world. Rode with Mr. Humphreys to his houfe at Derby ; fpent the time in fweet converfation ; my foul was rcfrefhed and fweetly melted with divine things. O that I was always confecrated to God. Near night, I rode to New-Haven, and there enjoyed fome fweet- nefs in prayer and converfation, with fome dear chrif- tian friends : My mind was fweetly ferious and com- pofed : But alas, I too much loft the fenfe of divine things I
[He continued much in the fame frame of mind, and in like exercifes, the two following days.]
Lord's Day^ December 26. — Felt much fwcetnefs and tendernefs in prayer j efpecially my whole foul feemed to love my worft enemies, and was enabled to pray for thofe that are ftrangers and enemies to "God with a great degree of foftnefs and pathetick fervour'. In the evening, rode from New- Haven to Branford, after I had kneeled down and prayed with a number of dear chriftian friends in a very retired place in the woods, and fo parted.
Monday y Dccc?nber 27. — Enjoyed a precious feafon indeed j had a fweet melting fcnfc oi divine things, ■ ■ . of
Mr. da VID_ BR AIN^RD. 79
of the pure fpirituality of the religion of Chrift Jefus . In the evening, I preached fromMatth. vi. 33. with much freedom, and fweet power and pungency : The prefence of God attended our meeting. O the fweetnefs, the tendernefs I felt in my foul ! If ever I felt the temper of Chrift, I had fome fenfc of it now. BlcfTed be my God, I have feldom enjoyed a more comfortable and profitable day than this. O that I could fpend all my time for God.
Tuefdayy December 28.— Rode from Branford to Haddam. In the morning, my clearnefs and fweet- nefs in divine things continued j but afterwards my fpiritual life fenfibly declined.
[The next twelve days, he was for the moft part extremely deje6ted,difcouraged and diftreffed.and was evidently very much under the power of melancholy; and there are from day today moft bitter complaints of exceeding vilenefs, ignorance, corruption, an amaz- ing Load of guilt, unworthinefs to creep on God*s earth, everlafting ufeleflhefs, fitnefs for nothing, &c. and fometimes expreftions even of horror at the thoughts of ever preaching again. But yet in this time of great dejedion, he fpeaks of feveral intervals of divine help and comfort.]
[The three next days, which were fpent at Hebron and the Crank (a parifti in Lebanon) he had relief, and enjoyed confiderable comfort.]
Friday^ ^a7iuary 14, 1742,3. — My fpiritual con- flidls to day were unfpeakably dreadful, heavier than the mountains and overflowing floods : Ifeem- ed inclofed, as it were in hell itfelf ! I was deprived of all fenfe of God , even of the being of a God ; and that was my mifery ! I had no awful apprehenfions of God as angry. This was diftrefs, the neareft akin to the damned *s torments, that I ever endured : Their torment, 1 am fure, will confift much in a privation of God, and confcquently gf all good. This taught
me
8o ¥ It E t I I^ E o F
me the abfolute dependence ofa creature upon Gcd the Creator, for every crumb of happinefs it e^njoys* ||] O ! I feel that if there is no God, though I might live forever here, and enjoy not only this, but all oth- , er worlds, I fhould be ten thoufand times more mif- f | erable than a toad ! My foul was in fuch anguifh I could not eat, but felt as I fuppofed a poor wretch would that is juft going to the place of execution. I was almofl fwallowed up with anguifli, when I favv people gathering together to hear me preach. How- ever, I went in that diftrefs to the houfe of God, and found not much relief in the firft prayer : It feemed as if God would let loofe the people upon me, nor were the thoughts of death diflrefling to me, like my own vilenefs. But afterwards, in my difcourfe from Deut. viii. 1. God was pleafed to give me fome free- dom and enlargement, fome power and fpirituality; and I fpent the evening fomething comfortably.
[The two next days, his comfort continues, and he feems to enjoy an almofl continual fweetnefs of foul in the duties and exercifes of religion and chrif- tian converfation. On Monday was a return of the gloom he had been under the Friday before. He rode to Coventry this day, and the latter part of the day, had more freedom. On I'ucfday he rode to Canter- bury, and continued more comfortable.]
Wednefday, 'January 19. — [At Canterbury.] In the afternoon preached the led:ure at the meeting houfe : Felt fome tendernefs, and fomething of the gofpel temper : Exhorted the people to love one another, and not fet up their own frames as a ftandard to try all their brethren by. But was much prejfTed, moft of the day, with a fenfe of my own badnefs, inward impurity, and unfpeakable corruption. Spent the evening in loving chriftian converfation.
Thurf day, January 20. — Rode to my brofher'^s houfe between Norwich ^nd Lebanon-; and preached irt
the
Mr. DAVID BRA INERD. Si
the evening to a number of people : Enjoyed neithei freedom nor fpirituality ; but faw myfdf exceeding unworthy.
Friday, January 2i. — Had great inward conflidls ; enjoyed but little comfort. Went to fee Mr. Will- iams of Lebanon, and fpentfeveral hours with him ; and was greatly delighted with his ferious, deliberate and impartial way of difcourfe about religion.
[The next day, he was much deje^ed.]
Lonfs Day, January 23. — Scarce ever felt myfelf fo unfit to exifl, as now : I faw, I was not worthy of a place among the Indians, where I am going, if God perm.it : I thought I fhould beafhamedto look them in the face', and much more to have any refpe<5t Ihewn me there. Indeed I felt myfelf banifhed frorii the earth, as if all places were too good for fuch a \Vretch as I : I thought 1 fhould be afhamed to go among the very favages of Africa : I appeared to myfelf a creature fit for nothing, neither heaven nor earth. None knows, but thofe that feel it, what the foul endures that is fenfibly fliut out from the pref- ence of God : Alas, it is more bitter than death !
[On Monday he rode to Stoningtown, Mr. Fifh's parifh. On Tuefday he exprcdes confiderable de- grees of fpiritual comfort and refrefliment.]
Wedneflay, January 16. — Preached to a pretty large afTembly at Mr. Filh*s meeting houfe : Infifted on humility, and fteadfaflncfs in keeping God*s com- mands, and that through humility we Ihould prefer one another in love, and not make our own frames the rule by whic!\ we judge others. I felt fweetly calm, and full of brotherly love; and never more free from party fpirit. 1 hope fome good will fol- low, that chriftians will be freed from falfe joy, and party zeal, and cenfuring one another.
[OnThurrday.afterconfiderablc time fpent in prayer andchrillianconveifation, he rode to New- London.]
F Friday^
S$' Q >i JX Jfi(B. JL^ ¥JE o F
IjrFn^'Zjy? y^m<ar}'i2.-T-HQYc. I found fomefallen in- Ip feme v^eXtt^yAgaocePv too much carried, away- vvith: a falfe zeal, an(5 bitternefs. O, the want of a gof-- pel'jtera^,^ t; i.s greatly (o ^be-Jatnented. "Spent ihe evening irt conyerfing with fpnie about fonle points- of condud in both., fniniileis land private chriftians,;- Iavi<t2di4 r/ct agree ;\vith,th^rr> ; God had- not taught them 'usji'k MKW'A md thoj^m, ^<^\ feq ©f ^ kirjd d i f^pfitio^^ toward m:^ feints- ■ : .a:. .::./. e:i "•- ■. xj.-m j: ri i^i;Ql?rSatu^ida'>^ he xod^-to^Eaflt'H^ddaifTljLartd^r^^^ the'three following days there ;:jind in that fpace of tim&;he fpeaks of his feeling weanednefs from the world, a fenfe'of the nearnefsbf eternity, fpecial af- fiftartce in praying for the enl:argeri.ien.t of Ghrift's kingdom, times of fpi ritual comfort,, 6ccv] LJf^e.dnefdayy:.Fc6i'uary,i.—^it3iCht(\ my farewell fE^mon, lafl night, at the houfepf an aged man, who had been unable to attend on the p^blick worfliip for fome time -and this morning, fpcnt the time in. prayex, ^Imoft "wherever I. went ; and having taken leave of friedds* I fet out on my journey towards the Indians.;, though by • the. way I was to fpend/ome time at Eaft- Hampton oh Long-Ifland, by the leave of the. commifiioners who employed me in tlie In- dian aflfa^* j and being accompanied by a meffenger; :&TpiTi Eaft-Hampton, we travelled to Lyn^e; -^"On the road I felt an uncommon prelTurc of mind : I feemed to flruggle hard for fome plcal'ure in fome-, thing herelnelow, and feemed loth to give up all for gone J but then law myfelf evidently throwing my- felf into all hardlhips and dirtrefles in my prefent undertaking {'\ thought it would be lefs difficult to lie down in the grave.: But yet J chofe to go, rather t-han ftay. Came to Lyme, that rvight.
,_ r ; •■ -r;-:,.:,, [He ^
•;^* Thc,reafon why/lhe Commifiioners or Corjefpor.denis did not order Mr. Brai- nercHogo inuTicdiattIyT.o the Indians, and enter on liis biifincfs as a Miffionary to |hern, was (hat tliev-infer -was not judged to be a convenient feafon for hun fird to go out into the wildcruefs, and enter on the difiicuitics and hardlhips he mud there Lie txpofed to.
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 83
[He waited the two next days for a paffage over the found, and fpent much of the time in inward con-, flidts and dejedlion, but had fome comfort.]
[On Saturday, he crolTed the found, landed at Oyf- ter- Ponds on Long-Ifland, and travelled from thence to Eaft-Hampton. And the feven following days he fpent there, for the mofi: part, under extreme de- jediion and gloominefs of mind, with great com- plaints of darknefs, ignorance, &c. Yet his heart appears to have been conl-lantly engaged in the great bufinefs of religion, much concerned for the intereft of religion in Eaft-Hampton, and praying and la- bouring much for it.]
Saturday, February I'Z. — Enjoyed a little more comfort, was enabled to meditate with fome compo- fure of mind ; and efpecially in the evening, found my foul more refrelhed in prayer, than at any time of late ; my foul feemed to take holdofGod^sJirength^ and was comforted with his confolations. O how fweet are fome glimpfes of divine glory ! How ftrengthening and quickening !
Lord*s Day, February 13.— At noon, under a great degree of difcouragement ; knew not how it was pollible for me to preach in the afternoon ; was ready to give up all for gone ; but God was pleafed to af- fift me in fome meafure. In the evening, my heart was fweetly drawn out after God, and devoted io him.
[The next day, he had comfort and dejection in- termingled.]
Tuefday, February 15.— Early in the day I felt fome comfort, afterwards I walked into a neighbour- ing grove, and felt more as a ftranger on earth, I think, than ever before ; dead to any of the enjoy- ments of the world as if I had been dead in a nat- ural fenfe. In the evening, had divine fvveetnefs in fecret duty : God was then my portion, and my foul F % rofc
^ TheLIFEof
rofe above thofe deep "iraters, into which I have funk fo low of late: My foul then cried for Zion, and had fweetnefs in fo doing.
[This fweet frame continued the next morning ; but afterwards his inward diflrefs returned.]
Thurfday^ February 17. — In the morning, found myfelf fomething comfortable, and refted on God in fome meafure. Preached this day at a little village belonging to Eaft-Hampton ; and God was pleaf- ed to give me his gracious prefence and afliftance, fo that I fpake with freedom, boldnefs and fome pow- er. In the evening, fpent fome time with a dear chriftian friend ; felt fweetly ferious, as on the brink of eternity ; my foul enjoyed fweetnefs in lively ap- prehenfions of {landing before the glorious God : Prayed with my dear friend with fweetnefs, anddif- courfed with utmoft folemnity. And truly it was a little emblem of heaven itfelf I find my foul is more refined and weaned from a dependence on my frames and fpiritual feelings.
Friday^ February 18. — Felt fomething fweetly moft of the day, and found accefs to the throne of grace, BlefTed be the Lord for any intervals of heav- enly delight and compofure, while I am engaged in the field of battle. () that I might be ferious, fol- emn, and always vigilant, while in an evil world. Had fome opportunity alone to day, and found fome freedom in ffudy. O, I long to live to God.
hordes Day, February 20. — Was fomething per- plexed on account of my carelcfTnefs ; I thought I could not be fuitably concerned about the important work of the day, and fo was rcfllefs with my eafinefs. Was exceeding infirm again to day ; but the Lord ftrengthencd inc both in the outward and inward man, fo that I preached with 'fome life and fpirit- uality, cfpccially in the afternoon, wherein I was enabled to Ipeak clofely againfl fclfifh religion,
that
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. S5
that loves Chrifl for his benefits, but not for him- felf.
[During the next fortnight, it appears that he for the mod part enjoyed much fpiritual peace and com- fort. In his Diary for this fpace of time, are ex- preffed fuch things as thefe ; mourning over indwell- ing fin, and unprofitablenefs ; deadnefs to the world ; longing after God and to live to his glory ; heart melting defires after his eternal home ; fixed reliance on God for his help ; experience of much divine af- fiftance both in the private and publick exercifes of religion ; inward flrength ^nd courage in the fervice of God ; very frequent refrelhment, confolation and divine fweetnefs in meditation, prayer, preaching, and chriftian converfation. And it appears by his account, that this fpace of time was filled up with great diligence and earneflnefs in ferving God, in ftudy, prayer, meditation, preaching, and private in- ftruiting and counfeling.]
Monday, March 7. — This morning when I arofc, I found my heart go forth after God in longing de- lires of conformity to him, and in fecret prayer found myfelf fvvcctly quickened and drawn out in praifes to God for all he had done to and for me, and for all my inward trials and diftrefles of late ; my heart afcribed glory, glory, glory to the blelfed God ! And bid welcome all inward diftrefs agaiw, if God faw meet to exercife me with it ; time ap- peared but an inch long, and eternity at hand ; and i thought I could with patience and cheerfulnefs bear any thing for the caufe of God : For 1 faw that a moment would bring' me to a world of peace and bleffednefs ; and my foul, by the ftrength of the Lord, role far above this lower world, and all the vain amufements and frightful difappointments of it. Afterwards, was vifited by fome friends, but loft fome fweetnefs by the means. After that, had
Fj fome
86 TheLIFEof
fome fvveet meditation on Gen. v. 24. And Enoch walked with God, &c. This was a comfortable day to my foul.
[The next day, he feems to have continued in a confiderable degree of fweetnefs and fervency in re- ligion.]
Wednefdayy March 9. — Endeavoured to commit myfelf and all my concerns to God. Rode fixteen Miles to Mantauk*, and had fomeinvyard fweetnefs on the road ; but fomething of flatnefs and deadnefs after I came there and had i'een the Indians : I with- drew, and endeavoured to pray, but found myfelf awfully deferted and left, and had an afflicting lenfe of my vil^nefs and meannefs. However, 1 went and preached from Ifai. liii. 10. Had fome afTifl- ance ; and, 1 trufl, fomething of the divine prefence was among us. In the evening, again I prayed and exhorted among them, after having had a feafon alone, wherein I was fo prefTed with the blacknefs of my nature, that I thought it was not fit for me to fpeak fo much as to Indians.
[The next day, he returned to Eaft- Hampton j was exceeding infirm in body through the remain- ing part of this week ; but fpeaks of aiiiflance and enlargement in fti^dy and rehgious exercifes, and of inward fweetnefs and breathing after God.j
Lord's Day, March 13. — At noon, I thought it impoffible for me to preach, by reafon of bodily weaknefs and inward deadnefs ; and in the iirft prayer, was fo weak that I could hardly Hand-' but in fermon, God flrengthenedme, fothat I fpakencnr an hour and half with fweet freedom, clearnefs and fome tender power, f^om Gei>, v. 24. Jnd Enoch walked with God. I was fweetly aflifted to infifr en a clofe walk with Gody and to leave this as my part- ing
* Mantauk is the faftern cape or end of Lorg-Ifland, then inliabited chiefly by Tndians.
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD 87
ing advice to God's people h&XQ^^thaX^jkf^ Jhould ivalk with God. May theGod of all grace ftigceed my poor labours in this place ! r^ ■ , I '
Monday .March 14.— Irithe morning, was very bufy in'preparation for my joyrney, and was almoft cou- tiniially engaged in ejaculatory prayer. About ten, took leave of the dear people of Eaft-Hampton. My heart grieved and mourned, and rejoiced at the farpe time ; rode near fifty rniles to a paft.of:Brook- Haven, and lodged there, and had refrefhing cpnyer- fation with a chriftian friend.
[In two days more he reached New-York ; but complains of much defertion and deadnefs on the road. He flayed one day in New- York, and on Friday went to Mr. Dickinfon's at Elizabeth-Town, His complaints are the fame as on the two preced- ing days.]
Saturday, March 19. — Was bitterly diftrcfTed un- der a fenfeof my ignorance, darknefs and unworthi- nefs ; got alone, and poured out my complaint to God in the bitternefs of my foul. In the afternoon, rode to Newark, and had fome fweetnefs in conver- fation with Mr. Burr, and in praying together. O \ bleifed be God forever and ever, for any enlivening and quickening.
Lord*s Day, March 20. — Preached in the fore- noon : God gave me fome afliilance and fweetnefs, and enabled me to fpeak with real tendernefs, love and impartiality. In the evening preach-d again ; and of a truth God was pleafed to alFifl a poor worm. Bleifed be God, I was enabled to fpeak with life, power, and paffionate defire of the edification of God*s people, and with fome power to finncrs. In the evening, I felt fomething fpiritual and watchful, Icfl mv heart (bould by any means be drawn avvay from God. O, when fliall I come to that blefled world, where evety power of my foul will be in-
F4 ceH'antly
83
The life of
celTantly and eternally wound up, in heavenly- employments and enjoyments, to the higheft de- gree ?
[On Monday he went to Woodbridge, where he fpeaks of his being with a number of minifters* ; and the remainder of this week and the greater part of the next he fpent in a journey to Stockbridge.]
• Thefe mioifter* were the Correfpondentt, who now met at Woodbridge, and gave Mr. Brainerd new dire£lions, and inilead of fending him to the Indians at the Kork$ of Delaware, at before intended, they ordered him to go to a number of In* ilians, at Kaunaumeekf a place in thf provipcc of New-York, m the woods between StQckbridge and Albany.
I
PART
Mr. DAVID BRAIN ERD. 89
PART V.
From his fit jl heglnning to i?\[iruB the Indians at Kau^ naufneekt to his Ordination*
FRIDAY, April 1, 1743.— I rode to Kaunaumeek. near twenty miles from Stockbridge, where the Indians live, with whom I am concerned, and there Iodised on a little heap of ftraw : Was greatly exercifcd with inward trials and diftreffes all day ; and in the evening, my heart was funk, and I feem- ed to have no God to go to. O that God would help me I
[The next five days, he was for the mofl part in a dejedted deprefled ftate of mind, and fometimes extremely fo.]
Friday^ April 7. — Appeared to myfclf exceeding ignorant, weak, helplefs, and unworthy, and alto- gether unequal to my work. It feemed to me, I fhould never do any fervice, or have any fuccefs among the Indians. My foul was weary of my life : I longed for death beyond meafure. When I thought of any godly foul departed, my foul was ready to envy him his privilege, thinking, O when will my turn come I Mufl it be years firfi: ! But I know thofe ardent deiires at this and other times, rofe partly from want of refignation to God under all miferies ; and fo were but impatience. Towards night 1 had, I think, the cxercife of faith in prayer, and fome afTiilance in writing. O that God would keep me near him !
Friday, April S. — Was exceedingly prcfTed under a fenfe of my pride, fclnd-inefs, bitternefs, and party fpirit in times paft, while I attempted to promote the caufcofGod: It's vile nature and dreadful confe-
quences
90 t H E L I F E o F
quences appeared in fuch odious colours to me, that my very heart was pained : I faw how poor fouls Itumbled over it into everlafling deftrudiion, that 1 wasconftrained to make that prayer in the bitternefs of,my foul, O Lord, deliver 7nefrom blood~guiltihefs. I faw my defert of hell on this account. My foul was full of inward anguifh and fhame before God, that I had fpent fo much timein cortverfation tending only to promote a party fpirit. O, I faw I had not fuitably prized mortification, felf denial, refignation under all ad verities, meeknefs, love, candour, and holinefs of heart and life : And this day was almoll: wholly fpent in fuch bitter and foul afflid:ing reflec- tions on my paft frames and condud:. Of late I have thought much of having the kingdom of Chrift advanced in the world ; but now I faw I had enough 40 do within mylelf. The Lord be merciful to me a Ji?j?ter, and wafli my foul.
Saturday^ April (). — Remained much in the fame ftate as yeflerday ; excepting that the fenle of my vilenefs was not fo quick and acute. ..;;)-::
Lord^s Dayy April i o. — Rofe early in the morning, and walked out, and Ipent considerable time in tlife woods, in prayer and meditation. Preached to the In- diansboth forenoon and afternoon. They behaved fo- berlyin general : Two or three in particular appeared under fome religious concern; with whom I difcourf- ed privately ; and one told me, her heart had cried, ever fince fhe heard me preach firfl:. ; [The two next days he complains of much defer- tion, and manifefts a great fenfc of guilt and flupid*. ity.]
Wednefday, April 13^ — My heart was overvv helm- ed within me : 1 verily thought I was the -meanefl:, vileft,mofthelplcfs, guilty, ignorant, benighted crea;- ture living. And yet I knew what God had done for my foul, at the fame time. Though 4bi^ttimfes
I
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 9»
I was afTaulted with damping doubts and fears, whether it was poiTible for fuch a wretch as I to be in aftate of grace.
Saturday, ^^r// 1 6.— Still in the depths ot diftrefs. In the afternoon, preached to my people j but was more difcouraged with them than before ; feared that nothing would ever be done for them to any happy effect. I retired and poured out my foul to God for mercy ; but without any fenfihle relief. — Soon after came an Irilhman and a Dutchman, with a defign, as they faid, to hear me preach the next day j but none can tell how I felt to hear their profane talk. O, I longed that fome dear chriftian knew m.y diftrefs. I got into a kind of hovel, and there groan- ed out my complaint to God ; and withal felt more fenfible gratitude and thankfulnefs to God, that he had made me to differ from thefe men, as I knew through grace he had.
Lord's Day, April 17. — In the morning was again diftrefted as foon as I awaked, hearing much talk about the world and the things of it : Though I per- ceived the men were in fome meafure afraid of me ; and I difcourfed fomething about fanc^tifying the Sabbath, if poflible, to folemnize their minds ; but when they were at a little diftance, they again talked freely about fecular affairs. O, I thought, what a hell it would be to live with fuch men to eternity I The Lprd gave me fome ajGTiftance in preaching, all day, and fome refignatiun, and a fmall degree of comfort in prayer at night.
[He continued in this difconfolate frame the next day.]
Tucfday, April \g. — In the morning, enjoyed fome fweet repofe and reft in God ; felt fome ftrength and confidence in God ; and my foul was in fome meafure refrellied and comforted. Spent mofl of the day in writing, and had fbmc exercife of grace fenfible and
comfortable ;'
92 T H E L I F E o F
comfortable ; my foul feemed lifted above the deep waters^ wherein it has been fo long almoft drowned ; felt fome fpiritual longings and breathings o-f foiil after God ; found myfelf engaged for the advance- ment of Chrifi:*s kingdom in my own foul, more thaa in others, more than in the heathen world.
Wednefiay, April 20. — Set apart this day for faft- ing and prayer, to bow my foul before God for the beilowment of divine grace ; efpecially that all my fpiritual afflictions and inward diftrefles might be fandified to my foul. And endeavoured alfo to re- member the goodnefs of God to me in the year paft, this day being my birth day. Having obtained help of God, I have hitherto lived, and am now ar- rived at the age of twenty five years. My foul was pained to think of my barrennefs and deadnefs ; that 1 have lived fo little to the glory of the eternal God. I fpent the day in the woods alone, and there poured out my complaint to God. O that God would enable me to live to his glory for the future.
Thurfday, April z\. — Spent the forenoon in read- ing and prayer, and found myfelf fomething engag- ed ; but ftill much depreffed in fpirit under a fenfe of my vilenefs and unfitnefs for any publick fervice. In the afternoon, I vifited my people, and prayed and converfed with fome about their fouls* concerns : And afterwards found fome ardour of foul in fecret prayer. O that I might grow up into the likenefs of God.
Friday, April 22.' — Spent the day in fludy, read- ing and prayer ; and felt a little relieved of my bur- den, that has been fo heavy of late. But ftill in fome meafure oppreffed. Had a fenfe of barrennefs. O, my leannefs teftifies againfl me ! My very foul abhors itfelf for its unlikencfs to God^ its inadtivity and fluggifhnefs. When I have done all, alas, what an unprofitable fervant am I ! My foul groans, to
fee
Mr. D a V I D B R a I N E R D. 93
fee the hours of the day roll away, becaufe I do not fill them, in fpirituality and heavenly mindednefs. And yet I long they fhould fpeed their pace, ta haften me to my eternal horne, where I may fill up all my moments, through eternity, for God and his glory
[Forfeveral following days he feems to have been under an incrcafe of deje(Sion and melancholy. On Tuefday, he exprefles fome relief. Wednefday he kept as a day of fafting and prayer, but in great dif- trefs. The next three days following, his melan- choly continued, but in a leflfer degree, and with in- tervals of comfort.]
Lord*s Day, May i . — Was at Stockbridge to day. In the forenoon had fome relief and affiftance ; though not fo much as ufual. In the afternoon, felt poorly in body and foul ; while I was preaching, feemed to be rehearfing idle tales, without the lead life, fervour, fenfe or comfort : And efpecially afterwards, at the facrament, my foul was filled with confufion, and the utmoft anguifh that ever I endured, under the feeling of my inexpreflible vilenefs and meannefs.
[The remaining days of this week were fpent, for the mofl: part, in inward diftrefs and gloominefs. The next Sabbath, he had encouragement, afliftance and comfort ; but on Monday funk again.]
Tue/Hay, May lO. — Was in the fame ilate, as to my mind, that I have been in for fome time, extreme- ly preffed with a fenfe of guilt, pollution, blindnefs: T/je iniquity of ?ny heels have compajfed me about ; the fins of my youth have been fet in order before me ; they have gone over tny head, as an heavy burden, too heavy for me to bear, Almoft all the adtions of my life paft feem to be covered over with fin and guilt ; and thofe of them that I performed in the moft con- feientious manner, now fill me with Ihame and con- fufion, that I cannot hold up my face. O ! the pride,
fel fifhnefs,
^4 T H E L I F E o F
MEfhncCsy hypocrify, ignorance, bittefnef^', -party zeal, and the want of love, candour, meeknefs and d| gentlenefs that have attended my attempts to pro- 1 mote religion and virtue; and this when I have * rcafon to hope I had real alliftance from above, and fome fweet intercourfe with heaven ! But alas, what corrupt mixtures attended rriy beft duties !
[The next fcven days, his gloom and diftrefs con- tinued, for the moft part j but he had fome turns of relief and fpiritual com.fort. He gives an account of his fpending part of this time in hard labour, tobuild himfelf a little cottage tolivein amongft the Indians, in which he. might be by himfelf; having (it feems) hitherto lived with a poor Scotchman ; and afterwards, before his own houfe was habitable, liv- ed in a wigwam among the Indians.]
Wednefday, May i8. — My circumstances are fuch that I have no comfort, of any kind, but what I have in God. 1 live in the moft lonefome wildernefs ; have but one fingle perfon to converfe with, that can fpeak Englifh* : Moft of the talk 1 hear, is either Highland-Scotch or Indian. I have no fellow chriftian to whom I might unbofom myfelf , and lay open my fpiritual forrows, and with whom I might take fweet counfel in converfatiou about heavenly things, and join in focial prayer. 1 live poorly with regard to the comforts of life : Moft of my diet con- lifts of boiled corn, hafty-pudding, &c, I lodge on a bundle offtraw, and my labour is hard and ex- tremely difficult ; and I have little appearance of fuccefs to comfort me. The Indians' affairs are ve- ry difficult ; having no land to live on, but what
the
* This perfon was Mr. Bvainerd'.s interpreter; whft was an ingenious young In- dian beIonf;in^ to Stockbtidgi', whole name was: John Wauwaumptquunnaunt, who had been inftnifled in the chriftian religion bv Mr. Sergeant ; and had lived with the^Rev. Mr. Williams of Long-Meadow, and had been hlriher inftrutfed by him at the charge of Mr. Holli? of London ; and undeillood both Englifh and Indian very well, and wrote a goo'd' hand.
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. -95
the Dutch [pedpie lay claim fo, and threaten to drive them ofFfrxjm j they have no regard to the fouls of: the poor" Indians ; and, by what I can learn, they hate Trie,':hecaufe I: come to preach to them. But tl'rat."\\chrch makes all my difficulties grievous to be bor0e.,':is,..that God hides his face frOm me. • (.The. next eleven days, his burdens were for the moft part alleviated j but with variety ; at fome ■ times having coniiderable confolation, and at other times more depreifed. The next day, Monday, May 30, he fet out on a: journey to New-Jerfey, to conl'ult the CommiiTioners that employed him about the affairs of his miffion* : Performed his jour- i^y thither in four days ; and arrived at Mr. Burr*s iPiNevyark on Thurfday. In great part of his jour- neyvhe was in the depths of melancholy, under like diftreffes with thofe already mentioned. On Friday, he rode to Elizabeth-Town ; and on Saturday, to New- York ; and from thence on his way homewards as far as White-Plains, where he fpent the Sabbath, and had coniiderable degrees of divine confolation and afliftance in publick fervices. On Monday, he - rode about fixty miles to New-Haven. There he attempted a reconcihation with the authority of the college ; and fpent this week in vifiting his friends in thofe parts, and in his journey homewards, until Saturday, in a pretty cotnfortable frame of mind. — On Saturday, in his way from Stockbridge to Kau- naumeek, he was loft in the woods, and lay all night in the open air j but happily found his way in the morning, and came to his Indians on Lord's Day, June 12. And had greater affiftance in preach- ing among them than ever before, fmce his firft coming among them. J
[From
* His bufincfs with tlie CommifTioners now, v.t;s, to obtain orders from them to fet up a fchool among the Indians at Kaunaunieek, and tliat his in' erpreter might be app9ii)ted the fch'jolmafter ; Which was according) y done.
96 Til E L I F E OF
[From this time forward he was the fubjedt of va- rious frames and exercifes of mind. How it was with him in thofe dark feafons, he himfelf further defcribes in his Diary for July 2, in the following manner. My foul is and has for a long time been in a piteous condition, wading through a feries of forrows, of various kinds. 1 have been fo cruflied down fometimes with a fenfe of my meannefs and infinite unworthinefs, that I have been afhamed that anyeven themeaneftof my fellow creatures fhould fo much as fpend a thought about me, and have wi(h- ed fometimes while I have travelled among the thick brakes, as one of them to drop into everlafting obliv- ion. Sometimes my foul has been in diftrefs on feeling fome particular corruptions rife and fwell like a mighty torrent, with prefent violence ; . Laving at the fame time ten thouiand former fins and follies prefented to view, in all their blacknefs and aggravations. And thefe attended with fuch exter- nal circumftances as mine at prefent are ; deftitute of moil of the conveniencies of life, and I may lay, of all the pleafures of it ; without a friend to communi- cate any of my forrows to, and fometimes without any place of retirement, where I may unburden my foul before God, which has greatly contributed to my dif- trefs. Of late, more efpecialiy, my great difficulty has been a fort of careleiTnefs, a kind of regardjefs temper of mind, whence I have been difpofed to in- dolence and trifling ; And this temper of mind has conflantly been attended with guilt and Ihame ; fo that fometimes I, have been in a kind of horror, to find myfelf fo unlike the bleffed God j and have thought I grew worfe under all my trials ; and noth- ing has cut and wounded my foul more than this. O, if lam one of God's chofen, as I trufl through in- finite grace 1 am, I find of a truth, that /he righteous
ate Scarcely faved !
It
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 97
It is apparent, that one main occafion of that dif- trefTing gloominefs of mind which he was fo much exercifed with at Kaunaumeek, was reflection on his paft errors and mifguided zeal at college, in the be- ginning of the late religious commotions in the land. And therefore he repeated his endeavours this year for reconciliation with the governours of the college, whom he had in that time offended. Althbugh he had been at New-Haven, in June, this year, and had attempted a reconciliation, as has been mentioned already.yetin the beginning of July, hemadeanother journey thither, and renewed his attempt, but flill in vain.
Although he was much deje(5ted great part of that fpace of time that I am now fpeaking of, yet there were many intermiffions of his melancholy, and fome feafons of comfort, fweet tranquillity and re- fignation of mind, and frequent fpecial affiftance in publick fervices, that he fpeaks of in his Diary. The mannerof his relief from hisforrow,oncein par- ticular, is worthy to be mentioned in his own words, in his Diary, for July 25, which are as follows : Had little or no refolution for a life of holinefs ; was ready almoft to renounce my hopes of living to God. And O how dark it looked, to think of being unholy for- ever ! This I could not endure. The cry of my foul was that (Pfal. Ixv. 3,) Iniquities prevail agaijijl me ^ But was in feme meafure relieved by a comforfable meditation on God's eternity, that he never had a beginning, &c. whencel was led to admire his great- nefs and power, &c. in fuch a manner that I ftood ftill and praifed the Lord for his own glories and perfections ; though I was (and if I fliould forever be) an unholy creature, my foul was comforted to apprehend an eternal, infinite, powerful, holy God.]
Saturday, 'July 30.-- Juft at night, moved into my own houfe, and lodged there that night ; found it
G much
98 TheLIFEof
much better fpending the time alone in my own houfe, than in the wigwam where I was before.
Lord*sDay, Ju/y 31. —Felt more comfortably than fome days paft. BlefTed be the Lord, that has now given me a place of retirement. O that I might find God in it, and that be would dwell with me forever.
Monday, Augujl i . — Was flill bufy in further la- bours on my houfe. Felt a little of the fweetnefs o-f religion, and thought it was worth the while to fol- low after God through a thoufand fnares, deferts, and death itfelf. O that I might always follow af- ter holinefs, that I may be fully Conformed to God- Had fome degree of fweetnefs, in fecret prayer, though I had much foriow.
Wednefday, Auguji 3. — Spent mofl of the day in ' writing. Enjoyed fome fenfe of religion. Through divine goodnefs I am now uninterruptedly alone ; and iind my retirement comfortable. I have enjoyed more fenfe of divine things within a few days lafl paft, than for fome time before. I longed after ho- linefs, humility and meeknefs : O that God would enable me to pafs the time of my fojourning here in his fear, and always live to him.
nurfday, Augufi 4. — Was enabled to pray much through the whole day ; and through divine good- jnefs found fome intenfenefs of foul in the duty, as I ufed to do, and fome ability to perfevere in my fup- plications : Had fome apprehenlions of divine things, that were engaging, and that gave me fome courage and refolution. It is good, I find, to perfevere in at- tempts to pray, if I cannot pray with perfeverance, i.e. continue long in my addrelFes to the Divine Being. I have generally found that the more I do in fecret prayer, the more I have delighted to do, and have enjoyed more of a fpirit of prayer ; and frequently have found the contrary, when, with jour- neying
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 99
neying or otherwife, I -have been much deprived of retirement. A lea (bn able fteady performance of fe- cret duties in their proper hours, and a careful im- provement of all time, filling up every hour with fome profitable labour, either of heart, head, or hands, are excellent means of fpiritual peace and boldnefs be- fore God. Chrift indeed is our peace, and by him we have boldnefs of accefs to God \ but a good con» fcience, void of offence j is an excellent preparation for an approach into the divine prefence. There is dif- ference between felf confidence, and a felf righteous pleafing ourfelves (with our own duties, attainments, and fpiritual enjoyments) which godly fouls fome- times are guilty of, and that holy confidence arifing from the teftimony of a good confcience, which good Hezekiah had when he fays. Remember, O Lord^ I befeech thee, how I have walked before thee in truths and with a perfe5l heart. Then (fays the holy Pfalm- iO:)Jhall I not be ajhamed, when I have refpedl to all thy commandments. Filling up our time with and for God IS the way to rife up and lie down in peace. [The next eight days, he continued for the moft part in a very comfortable frame, having his mind fixed and fweetly engaged in religion ; and more than once bleffes God, that he had given him a little cot- tage, where he might live alone, and enjoy a happy retirement, free from noife and diflurbance, and could at any hour of the day lay afide all fludies, and fpend time in lifting up his foul to God for fpiritual bleflings.]
Saturday, Augufl i3.-^Was enabled in fecret prayer to raife my foul to God, with defire and delight. It was indeed a blefled feafon to my foul ; I found the comfort of being a chriftian : / counted the fufferings of the prefent life not worthy to be compared with the glory of divine enjoyments, even in this world. All my paft forrows feemed
G a kindly
ipo TheLIFEof
kindly to difappear, and I remembered no more the/or' row, for joy, O, how kindly, and with what a filial ten- derneis, the foul hangs on, and confides in the Rock of agesy at fuch a fealbn, that he will never leave it nor forfake it, that he will caufe all things to work tO' gether for its goody &c. 1 longed that others fhould know how good a God the Lord is. My Ibul was full of tendernefs and love, even to the mofl inveter- ate of my enimies : I longed they fliould (hare in the fame mercy. 1 loved and longed that God Ihould do jufl as he pleafed, with me and every thing elfe. I felt exceeding ferious, calm and peaceful, and en- couraged to prel's after holinefs as long as I live, whatever dijSiculties and trials rnay be in my way. May the Lord always help me fo to do. Amen, and Amen !
hordes Day^ Aiigufl 14. — I had much more free- dom in publick, than in private. God enabled me to fpeak with fome feeling fenfe of divine things ; but perceived no confiderable effedt.
Monday y Augufl 15. — Spent moft of the day in la- bour to procure fomething to keep my horfe on in the winter. Enjoyed not much fvveetnefs in the morning : Was very weak in body, through the day, and thought this frail body would foon drop into the duft : Had fome very realizing appreheniions of a fpeedy entrance into another world. And in this •weak ftate of body, was not a little diftrcflbd for want ot fuitable food. Had 110 bread, nor could I get any. I am forced to go or fend ten or fifteen miles for all the bread I eat ; and fometimes it is mouldy and four, before I eat it, if 1 get any con- fiderable quantity : And then again I have none for fome days together, for want of an opportunity to fend for it, and cannot find my horfe in the woods to go mj-felf j and this was my cafe now: But through divine goodnels 1 had fome Indian meal, of
which
(
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. loi
which I made little cakes and fried thefti. Yet felt contented with my circumftances, and fvveetly refign- ed to God. In prayer I enjoyed great freedom; and blefled God as much for my prefent circum- llances, as if I had been a king; and thought, I found a difpofition to be contented in any circumftances : Bleffed be God !
[The reft of this week, he was exceeding weak in body and much exercifed with pain ; and yet obliged from day to day to labour hard, to procure fodder for his horfe ; excepting fome part of the time he was fo very ill, that he was neither able to work nor ftudy : But fpeaks of longings after holi- nefs and perfed: conformity to God ; complains of enjoying but little of God ; yet fiys, that little was better to him than all the world befides. In his Dia- ry for Saturday, he fays, he was fomething melan- choly and forrovvful in mind ; and adds, I never feel comfortably, but when I find my foul going forth after God : If I cannot be holy, I mull necelTarily' be miferable forever.]
Lofd*s Day, Augujl 21. — Was much ftraitened in the forenoon exercife : My thoughts fcemed to be all fcattered to the ends of the earth. At noon I fell down before the Lord, and groaned under my vile- nefs, barrennefs, deadnefs, and felt as if I was guilty of foul murder, in fpeaking to immortal fouls in fuch a manner as I had then done. In the afternoon, God was pleafed to give me fome alliftance, and I was enabled to fet before my hearers the nature and necellity of true repentance, &;c. Afterwards had fome fmall degree of thankfulnefs. Was very ill and full of pain in the evening ; and my foul mourn- ed that I had fpent fo much time to fo little profit.
Mo?iday^ Augujl 22. — Spent moft of the day in fludy ; and found my' bodily ftrength in a meafure reftored. Had fome intenfe and paffionate breath-
Q 3 ings
lOi TheLIFEof
ings of foul after holinefs, and very clear manifefta- tions of my utter inability to procure, or work it in myfelf ; it is wholly owing to the power of God, O, with what tendernefs the love and defire of holi- nefs fills the foul ! I wanted to wing out of myfelf, to God ; or rather to get a conformity to him : But alas, I cannot add to my ftdture in grace one cubit. However, my foul can never leave ftriving for it ; or at lead groaning, that it cannot ftrive for it, and obtain more purity of heart. At night, I fpent fome tinae in inftruding my poor people : Q that God would pity their fouls.
Tuefday, Augufl^T,. — Studied in the forenoon, and enjoyed fome freedom. In the afternoon, laboured abroad : Endeavoured toprayjnuch ; but found not much fwcetnefs or intenfenefs of mind. Towards night, was very weary, and tired of this world of forrow : The thoughts of death and immortality ap- peared very defirable, and even refreshed my fouU Thofe lines turned in my mind with pleafure.
Come, death, fliake hands ; I'll kifs thy bands ;
'Tis happinefs for me to die. What ! deft thou think, that I will ftirink ?
I'll go to immortality.
In evening prayer, God was plcafed to draw near my foul, though very finful and unworthy : Was enabled to wreftle with God, and to perfevere in my requefts for grace : I poured out my foul for all the world, friends and enemies. My foul was concern- ed, not fo much for fouls as fuch, but rather for Chrift's kingdom, that it might appear in the world, that God might be known to be God, in the whole earth. And O, my foul abhorred the very thought of a party in religion ! Let the truth of God appear, wherever it is ; and God have the glory forever. Amen. This was indeed a comfortable feafon : I thought I had fome fmall tafle of, and relilh for the
enjoyments
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 103
enjoyments and employments of the upper world, O that my foul was more attempered to it.
JVednefday, Augujl 24. — Spent fome time, in the morning, in ftudy and prayer. Afterwards, was en- gaged in fome neceffary bufinefs abroad. Towards night, found a little time for fome particular ftudies. I thought if God ftiould fay, Ccafe making any pro- vifion for this life, for you fhall in a few days go out of time into eternity, my foul would leap for joy. O that I may both defire to be dijfohed to be with Chrijl, and like wife wait patiently all the days of my appointed time until my change come. But alas, I am very unfit for the bufinefs and bleflednefs of heaven, O for more holinefs.
Tburfday, Augujl 25. — Part of the day engaged ia ftudies and part in labour abroad. I find it is im- poflible to enjoy peace and tranquillity of mind with- out a careful improvement of time. This is really an imitation of God and Chrifl Jefus : My Father worketh hitherto, and I work^ fays our Lord. But ik\\\ if we would be like God, we muft fee that we fill up our time for him. I daily long to dwell in perfed: light and love. In the mean time my foul mourns, that I make fo little progrefs in grace and preparation for the world of bleflednefs : I fee and know that I am a very barren tree in God's vineyard, and that he might juftly fay, Cut it downy &c. O that God would make me more lively and vigor- ous in grace, for his own glory ! Amen.
[The two next days, he was much engaged in fome neceffary labours, in which he extremely fpenthim- fclf. He feems, thefe days, to have had a great fenfe of the vanity of the world ; and continued longings after holinefs, and more fervency of fpirit in the fer- vice of God.]
hordes Day, Augujl 28. — Was much perplexed with fome irreligious Dutchmen. All their dilcourfc
G4 turned
104 The LIFE of
turned upon the things of the world ; which was no fmall exercife to my mind. O what a hell it would be to fpend an eternity with fuchmen ! Well might David fay, I beheld the tranfgreffors and was grieved. But adored be God, heaven is a place, into which no unclean thing enters. O, I long for the holinefs of that world ! Lord, prepare me therefor.
[The next day, he fet out on a journey to New- York. Was fomething dejedled, the two firfl: days of his journey ; but yet feems to have enjoyed fome degrees of the fenfible prefence of God.]
Wednefday, Auguji 31. — Rode down to Bethle-» hem : Was in a fweet, ferious, and, I hope, chrif- tian frame, when I came there ; eternal things en- grofled all my thoughts j and I longed to be in the world of fpirits. O how happy it is, to have all our thoughts fwallowed up in that world ; to feel one's felf a ferious confiderate ftranger in this world, diligently feeking a road through it, the beft, the fure road to the heavenly Jerufalem.
Thurfday^ September i . — Rode to Danbury. Was more dull and dejedled in fpirit, than yeilerday. Indeed, I always feel comfortably, when God real- izes death and the things of another world to my mind : Whenever my mind is taken off from the things of this world, and fet on God, my foul is thea at reft.
[He went forward on his journey, and came to New- York on the next Monday. And after tarry- ing there two or three days, fet out from the city to- wards New-Haven, intending to be there at the com- mencement ; and on Friday came to Horfe-Neck. In the mean time, he complains much of dullnefs, and want of fervour in religion : But yet from time to time, fpeaks of his enjoying fpiritual warmth and fweetnefs in conversation with chriftian friends, af- fillance in publick f^ryices, &c.]
Saturday^
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 105
Saturday, September to.— Rode fix miles to Stan- wich, and preached to a confiderable airembly of peopie. Had fome affiftance and freedom, efpec- ially towards the clofe. Endeavoured much after- wards, in private converfation, to eftablifh holinefs, humility, meeknefs, &c. as the effence of true relig- ion j and to moderate fome noify fort of perfons, that appeared to me to be a(5ted by unfeen fpiritual pride. Alas, what extremes men incline to run in- to ! Returned to Horfs-Neck, and felt fome feriouf- nefs and fvveet folemnity in the evening.
Lord's Day, September n. — In the afternoon, preached from Tit. iii. 8. I think God never help- ed me more in painting out true religion, and in de- tediiig clearly, and tenderly difcountenancing falfe appearances of religion, wild fire, party zeal, fpirit- ual pride, &c. as well as a confident dogmatical fpir- it, and its fpring, viz, ignorance of the heart. In the evening, took much pains in private converfation to fupprefs fome confufions, that I perceived were amongil that people. Monday, Septe?nber 12 —Rode to Mr. Mills*s at Ripton. Had fome perplexing hours ; but was fome part of the day very comfortable. It is through great trials, I fee, that we muft enter the gates of Paradife. If my foul couldbut be holy,thatGod might not be difhonoured, methinks I could bear forrows. Tuejday, September 13. — Rode to New-Haven. Was fometimes dejedted ; not in the fvveeteft frame. I find it very difficult maintaininganyfenfe of divine things, while removing from place to place, divert- ed with new objed:s, and filled with care and bufi- nefs. A fettled fteady bufinefs is beR adapted to a life of ftridl religion.
Wednejday, September 14. — This day I ought to have taken my degree* ; but God fees fit to deny it
me
* Thii being Commcacemcnt day.
io6 TheLIFEof
me. And though I was greatly afraid of being over- whelmed with perplexity and confufion, when I fhould fee my clafsmates take theirs ; yet, in the very feafon of it, God enabled me with calmnefs and refignation to fay, T^he will of the Lord he done. In- deed, through divine goodnefs, I have fcarcely felt my mind fo calm, fedate, and comfortable for fome time. I have long feared this feafon, and expelled my humility, meeknefs, patience, and refignation, would be much tried : But found much more pleaf- ure and divine comfort, than I expefted. Felt fpir- itually ferious, tender and afFe(3:ionate in private prayer with a dear chriftian friend to day.
Thurfday, September 15. — Had fome fatisfadlion in hearing the minifters difcourfe, &c. It is always a comfort to me, to hear religious and fpiritual dif- courfe. O that minifters and people were more fpiritual, and devoted to God. Towards night, with the advice of chriftian friends, I offered the fol- lowing reflections in writing, to the redlor and truf- teesof the college (which are for fubftance the fame that I had freely offered to the recSlor before, and en- treated him to accept) and this I did that if poftible I might cut off all occafionof ftumblingand offence, from thofe that feek occafion. What I offered, is as follows :
** Whereas I have faid before feveral perfons, con-» cerning Mr. Whittelfey, one of the tutors of Yale- College, that I did not believe he had any more grace than the chair 1 then leaned upon ; I humbly confefs, that herein I have finned againft God, and adled contrary to the rules of his word, and have in- jured Mr. Whittelfey. I had no right to makethus free with his character ; and had no juft reafon to fay as I did concerning him. My fault herein was the more aggravated, in that I faid this concerning one that was fo much my fuperiour, and one that I
was
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 107
was obliged to treat with fpecial refped and honour, by reafon of the relation I flood in to him in the col- lege. Such a manner of behaviour, I confefs, did not become a chriftian ; it was taking too much up- on me, and did not favour of that humble refpedl, that I ought to have exprefled towards Mr. Whittel- fey. I have long fince been convinced ot the falfe- nefs of thofe apprehenfions, by which I then juftifi- ed fuch a conducft. I have often refleded on this acft with grief; I hope, on account of the fin of it ; and am willing to lie low, and be abafed before God and man, for it : And humbly afk the forgivenefs of the governours of the college, and of the whole fociety ; but of Mr. Whittelfey in particular. And whereas I have been accufed by one perfon of faying concerning the Rev. redor of Yale-College, that I wondered he did not exped: to drop down dead for fining the fcholars that followed Mr. Tennent to Miliord ;-l ferioufly profefs, that I do not remem- ber my faying any thing to this purpofe. But if I did, which I am not certain I did not, I utterly con- demn it, and deteft all fuch kind of behaviour ; and efpecially in an under graduate towards the re(5lor. And I now appear, to judge and condemn myfelf for going once to the feparate meeting in New-Haven, ^ little before I was expelled, though the re<ftor had refufed to give me leave. For this I humbly afk the redlor's forgivenefs. And whether the governours of the college fhall ever fee caufe to remove the ac- ademical cenfure I lie under, or no, or to admit me to the privileges I defire ; yet 1 am willing to ap- pear, it they think fit, openly to own, and to hum- ble myfelf for thofe things 1 have herein confefTed." God has made me willing to do any thing, that I can do, confident with truth, for the fake of peace, and that I might not be a flumbhng block and of- fence to others. For this reafon I can cheerfully
forego,
io8 TheLIFEop
forego, and give up what I verily believe, after the ipofl: mature and impartial fearch, is my right, in ibme inflances. God has given me that difpofition, that if this were the cafe, that a man has done me an hundred injuries, and I (though ever fo much pro- j voked to it) have done him one, I feel difpofed, and 1! heartily willing humbly to confefs my fault to him, and on my knees toaik forgivenefs of him j though at the fame time he fhould juftify himfelf in all the injuries he has done me, and fhould only make ufe of my humble confeffion to blacken my character the more, and reprefent me as the only pcrfon guilty, &c. Yea, though he fliould as it were infult me, and fay he knew all this before, and that I was mak- ing work for repentance, &c. Though what I faid concerning Mr. Whiftelfey was only fpoken in pri- vate, to a friend or two; and being partly overheard, was related to the redlor, and by him extorted from my friends ; yet, feeing it was divulged and made publick, I was willing to confefs my fault therein publickly. But I truft, God will plead my caufe.
[The next day he went to Derby ; then to South- bury, where he fpent the Sabbath : And fpeaks of fome fpiritual comfort ; but complains much of un- iixednefs, and wanderings of mind in religion.]
Monday, September 19. — In the afternoon, rode to Bethlehem, and ttiere preached. Had fome meafure of afliftance, both in prayer and preaching. 1 felt ferious, kind and tender towards all mankind, and longed that holinefs might flouridi more on earth.
Tuefdayy September 20. — Had thoughts of going forward on my journey to my Indians ; but towards night was taken with a hard pain in my teeth, and fhivering cold, and could not poffibly recover a com- fortable degree of warmth the whole night following. I continued very full of pain all night ; and in the morning had a very hard fever, and pains almofl all
over
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 109
over my whole body. I had a fenfe of the divine goodnefsin appointing this to be the place of my fick- nefs, viz. among my friends that were very kind to me. I Ihould probably have perifhed, if I had firft got home to my own houfe in the wildernefs, where I have none to converfe with but the poor rude ig- norant Indians. Here I faw was mercy in the midft ofafflidtion. I continued thus, moftly confined to my bed, until Friday night ; very full of pain moll: of the time ; but through divine goodnefs not afraid of death. Then the extreme folly of thofe appeared to me, who put off their turning ^ God until a fick bed. Surely this is not a time proper to prepare for eternity. On Friday evening my pains went off fomething fuddenly ; and I was exceeding weak, and almoft fainted } but was very comfortable the night following. Thofe words Pfal. cxviii. 17, I frequently revolved in my mind ; and thought we were to prize the continuation of life only on this account, ^that we may Jhew forth God's goodnefs and works of grace.
[From this time, he gradually recovered : And on the next Tuefday was fo well as to be able to go forward on his journey homewards : But was until the Tuefday following before he reached Kaunau- meek. And feems, great part of this imm, to have had a very deep and lively fenfe of the vanity and emptinefs of all things here below, and of the real- ity, nearnefs and vaft importance of eternal things.]
Tuefday, OBober 4. — This day rode home to my own houfe and people. The poor Indians appear- ed very glad of my return. Found my houfe and all things in fafety. I prefently fell on my knees and blefled God for my fafe return, after a long and tedious journey, and a feafon of ficknefs in fcveral places where I had been, and after I had been fick myfelf. God has renewed his kindnefs to me, in
preferving
Jio Th E L I F E o F
preferving me one journey more. I have taken nia- ny confiderable journeys fince this time laft year, and yet God has never fufFered one of my bones to be broken, or any diftreffing calamity to befal me, exceptir.g the ill turn I had in my laft journey ; though I have been often expofed to cold and hun- ger in the wildernefs, where the comforts of life were not to be had ; have frequently been loft in the woods ; and fometimes obliged to ride much of the night ; and once lay out in the woods all night. BleiTed be God that has preferred me.
[In his Diary for the next eleven days, are great complaints of diftance from God,fpiritual pride, cor- ruption, and exceeding vilenefs. He once fays, his heart was fo preffed with a fenfe of his pollution, that he could fcarcely have the face and impudence (as it then appeared to him) to defire that God ihould not damn him forever. And at another time, he fays he had fo little fenfe of God, orappreheniion and relifti of his glory and excellency, that it made him more difpofed to kindnefs and tendernefs to- wards thofe who are blind and ignorant of God and things divine and heavenly.]
Lord*s Dayy O£lober i6. — In the evening, God was pleaijsd to give me a feeling fenfe of my own unworthflps j but through divine goodnefs fuchas tended to draw, rather than drive me from God : It filled me with folemnity. I retired alone (having at this time a friend with me) and poured out my foul to God with much freedom ; and yet in an- guifti, to find myfelf ib unfpeakably iinful and un- worthy before a holy God. Was now much refign- ed under God's difpenfations towards me, though my trials had been very great. But thought wheth- er I could be refigned, if God Ihould let the French Indians come upon me, and deprive me of my life, or carry me away captive (though I knew of no fpe-
cial
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. in
clal reafon then to propofe this trial to myfelf, more than any other) and my foul feemed fo far to reft and acquiefce in God, that the fling and terror of thefe things feemed in a great meafure gone. Pref- ently after I came to the Indians, whom I was teach- ing to fing pfalm tunes that evening, I received the following letter from Stockbridge, by a mefTenger fent on the Sabbath on purpofe, which made it ap- pear of greater importance.
*' Sify Juft now we received advices from Col. Stoddard, that there is the utmoft danger of a rup- ture with France. He has received the fame from his Excellency our Governour, ordering him to give notice to all the expofed places, that they may fe- cure themfelves the beft they can againft any fudden invafion. We thought beft to fend dire(5lly to Kau- naumeek, that you may take the prudenteftmeafures for your fafety that dwell there. I am, Sir, &c."
I thought, upon reading the contents, it came in a good feafon ; for my heart feemed fomething fix- ed on God, and therefore I was not much furprifed: But this news only made me the more ferious, and taught me that I muft not pleafe myfelf with any of the comforts of life which I had been preparing for my fupport. Bleffed be God, that gave me any in- tenfenefs and fervency this evening.
Mofiday, O^ober 17. — Had fome rifing hopes fometimes, that God would arife and have mercy on Zion, fpeedily. My heart is indeed refreflied, when I have any prevailing hopes of Zion's profperity. O that I may fee that glorious day, when Zion ftiall become the joy of the whole earth I Truly there is nothing that I greatly value in this lower world.
[On Tuefday, he rode to Stockbridge; complains of being much diverted, and having but little life. On Wednefday, he expreffes fome folemn fenfe of divine things, and a longing to be always doing for GcKi with a godly frame of fpirit.]
Saturday,
lU TheLIFEof
Saturday, OBpber 22. — Had but little fenfible com- munion with God. This world is a dark cloudy manfion. O, when will the Sun of righteoufnefs fhine on my. foul without ceflation or intermiflion.
hard's Day, OBober 23. — In the morning, had a little dawn of comfort arifing from hopes of feeing glorious days in the church of God : Was enabled to pray for fuch a glorious day with fome courage, and ftrength of hope. In the forenoon, treated on the glories of heaven, &;c. In the afternoon, on the miferies of hell, and the danger of going there. Had fome freedom and warmth, both parts of the day. And my people were very attentive. In the even- ing, two or three came to me under concern for their fouls ; to whom I was enabled to difcourfe clofely, and with fome earneftnefs and defire. O that God would be merciful to their poor fouls.
[He fecms, through the whole of this week, \.o have been greatly engaged to fill up every inch of time in the fervice of God, and to have been moft diligently employed in fludy, prayer, and inftru^t- jng the Indians ; and from time to time expreffes longings of foul after God, and the advancement of his kingdom, and fpiritual comfort and refrefhment.]
Lories Day, OBober 30. — In the morning enjoyed fome fixednefs of foul in prayerj which was indeed fweet and defirable : Was enabled to leave myfelf with God, and to acquiefce in him. At noon, my foul was refrefhed with reading Rev. iii. moreefpec- ially the I ith and I2th verfes. O my foul longed for that bleffed day, when I Ihould dwell in the tem^ pie of God, and go tio more out of his immediate pref- ence !
Monday, OBober 31. — Rode to Kinderhook, about fifteen miles from my place. While riding, I felt fome divine fweetnefs in the thoughts of being 2i pil- lar in the temple of God m the upper world, and be- ing
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 113
ing no more deprived of his blefTed prefence and the fenfe of his favour, which is better than life. My foul was fo lifted up to God, that I could pour out my defires to him, for more grace and further de- grees of fandtification, v/ith abundant freedom. O, I longed to be more abundantly prepared for that blcffednefs, with which I was then in fome meafurc refrefhed ! Returned home in the evening ; but took an extremely bad cold by riding in the night.
Tuefday, November i. — Was very much diforder- ed in body, and fometimes full of pain in my face and teeth : Was not able to ftudy much, and had not much fpiritual comfort. Alas, when God is with- drawn, all is gone ! Had fome fweet thoughts which I could not but write down, on the defign, nature, and end of chrirtianity.
Thiirfday, November '^. — Spent this day in fecret fafting and prayer from morning until night. Ear- ly in the morning, had (I think) fome fmall degree of affiflance in prayer. Afterwards, read the ftory of Elijah the prophet, i Kings, xvii. xviii. and xix. chapters, and alfo, 2 Kings ii. and iv. chapters. My foul was much moved, obfcrving the faith, zeal and power of that holy man ; how he wreftled with God in prayer, &c. My foul then cried with Elifha, Where is the Lord God of Elijah ? O, I longed for more faith ! My foul breathed after God, and plead- ed with him, that a double portion of that fpirit, which was given to Elijah, might reft on me. And that which was divinely refrefhing and ftrengthen- ing to my foul, was, I faw that God is the fame that he was in the days of Elijah. Was enabled to wrcf- tie w'ith God by prayer, in a more afFedtionate, fer- vent, humble, intenfeand importunate manner, than I have for many months paft. Nothing feemed too hard for God to perform'; nothing too great for me to hope for from him. 1 had for many months en-
H tirely
114 TheLIFEof
tirely loft: all hopes of being made inftrumental of doing any fpecial fervice for God in the world : It has appeared entirely impollible, that one i'o black and vile fhould be. thus improved for God : But at this time God was pleafed to revive this hope. Af- tei*wards read the iii. chap, of Exod. and on to the XX. and favv more of the glory and majefty of God difcovered in thofe chapters, than ever I had feen be- fore ; frequently in the mean time falling on my knees and crying to God for the faith of Mofes, and for a manifeftation of the divine glory. Efpecially the iii. and iv. and part of thexiv. and xv. chapters, "were unfpeakably fweet to my foul : My foul blefT- ed God, that he had fliewn himlelf fo gracious to his fervants of old. The xv. chapter feemed to be the very language which my foul uttered to God in the feafon of my firll fpiritual comfort, when I had jufl got through the red fea, by a way that I had no expe(5tation of. O how my foul then rejoiced in God ! And now thofe things came frefti and lively to my mind ; now my foul blcfTed God afrefh, that he had opened that unthought of way to deliver me from the fear of the Egyptians, when I almoil def- paired of life. Afterwards read the ftory of Abra- ham's pilgrimage in the land of Canaan : My foul was melted, in obferving his faith, how he leaned on God j how he communed with God, and what a ftranger he was here in the world. After that, read the ilory of Jofeph*s fufferings, and God's good- nefs to him : BleiTed God for thefe examples of faith and patience. My foul was ardent in prayer, was enabled to wrcftle ardently for myfelf, for chrift:ian friends, and for the church of God. And felt more de- lire to fee the power of God in the converfion of fouls, thun I have done for a long feafon. BlefTed be God for this feaibn of fafting and prayer. May his goodncfs always abide with me, and draw my foul to him.
Monday,
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 115
Monday, November 7. — This morning, the Lord afforded me feme f'pecial afTiftance in prayer : My mind was folemn, fixed, afFed:ionate, and ardent in defires after holinefs ; and felt full of tendernefs and love ; and my affedions feemed to be diffolved into kindnefs and foftnefs. In the evening, enjoy- ed the fame comfortable afliflance in prayer, as in the morning : My foul longed after God, and cried to him with a filial freedom, reverence and boldnefs. O that I might be entirely confecrated and devoted to God.
[The two next days, he complains of bodily ill- nefb and pain ; but miuch more of fpiritual barren- nefs and unprofitablenefs.]
Thurfday, ISlovember 10. — Spent this day in fafling and prayer alone. In the morning, was very dull and lifelefs ; was Ibmething melancholy and difcour- aged. But after fome time, reading 2 Kings xix,. chapter, m*y Ibul was moved and affecSted ; efpecial- ly reading verfe 14. and onward. I faw there was no other way for the afHid:ed children of God to take, but to go to God v/ith all their forrovvs. Hez- ekiah,. in his great diftrefs, went and fpread his com- plaint before the Lord. I was then enabled to fee the mighty power of God, and m.y extreme need of that power : Was enabled to cry to God afFe(5tionately and ardently for his divine power and grace to be cxercifed towards me. Afterwards, read the flory of David's trials, and obferved the courfe he took under them, how he^ftrengthened his hands in God ; whereby my foul was carried out after God, enabled to cry to him and rely upon him, and felt Jlrong in the Lord. Was afterwards refrefhed, obferving the blefled temper that was wrought in David by his trials : All bitternefs and defire of revenge feemed wholly taken away ; fo that he mourned for the death of his enemies ; 2 Sam. i. 17. and iv. 9. ad fin.
Ha Was
ii6 The LIFE of
Was enabled .^o blefs God, that he had pven me fomething of this divine temper, that my foul free- ly forgives, and heartily loves my enemies. :^[lt appears by his Diary for the remaining part of this week, and for the two following weeks, that great part of the time he was very ill and full of pain ; and yet obliged through his circumftances, in this ill ftate of body, to be at great fatigues, in la- bour, and travelling day and night, and to expofe iiimfelf, in flormy and fevere feafons. He, from time to time, within this fpace, fpeaks of outgoings of foul after God $ his heart ftrengthened in God ; feafons of divine fweetnefs and comfort ; his heart afFed:ed with gratitude for mercies, &c. And yet there are many complaints of lifelefTnefs, weaknefs of grace, diftance from God, and great unprofitable- nefs. But ftill there appears a conftant care, from day to day, not to lofe time, but to improve it all for God.]
Lord^s Day, Nouember 27. — In the evening, was greatly affedled in reading an account of the very joy- ful death of a pious gentleman ; which feemed to invigorate my foul in God's ways : I felt courageouf- ly engaged to purfue a life of holinefs and felf deni- al as long as I live ; and poured out my foul to God for his help and aiTiifance in order thereto. Eternity then feemed near, and my foul rejoiced, and longed to meet it. O, I truft, that will be a bleffed day, that finilhes my toil here !
Monday, November 28. — In the evening, was oblig- ed to fpend time in company and converfation that was unprofitable. Nothing lies heavier upon me, than the mifimprovement of time.
Tuejday, Nove-mber 29. — Began to ftudy the Indian tongue, with Mr Sargeant, at Stockbridge*. Was
perplexed
* The Commifrioners that employed him, had direfted him to fpcnd much time this v\inti;r widi Mr. Sargeant, to Icarn the langu.-.gc of the iDdiaiis ; which necelli- tated him very oficn to r.de, backwards and forwards, 20 milts through the anin- fcab'tedwccds between Stockbridge and Kaunaumctk ; wluch many times exposed iumto cxtumc haidihip in the icverc leafous bf the winter.
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 117
perplexed for want of more retireraent. I love to live alone in my own little cottage, where I can fpend much time in prayer, &c.
Wednefday, November 30. — Purfued my iludy of Indian : But was very weak and difordered in body, and was troubled in mind at the barrennefs of the day, that I had done fo little for God. I had fome enlargement in prayer at night. O, a barn, or fta- ble, hedge or any other place, is truly defirable, if God is there ! Sometimes, of late, my hopes of Zi- on*s profperity are more raifed, than they were \n the fummer paft. My foul feems to confide in God, that he will ytt Jhew forth his JahaUonto his people; and make Zion the joy of the whole earth. O htiwekl cellent is the loving kindnefs of the Lord I My foul fometimes inwardly exults at the lively thoughts of what God has already done for his church, and what mine eyes have fee n of the filvationof'God. -^it'-i^? fweet, to hear nothing but fpiritual difcourfe'from God's children ; and finners inquiring the zvay-'to Zion, hying, Whatjhallwe-do^&c. .^Ot-haPl mfay-feg more of this blelTed work \ -•' nt
Thurfdciy, December i. — Both morning and-^^t'ftl ing, I enjoyed fome intenfenefs ot foul- in prayer,^i^T[i longed for the enlargement of Chrift's kjngdom-'ii the world. My foul feems of late, to wait on God for his bleffing on Zion. O that religion miglupow- crfullv revive !
Friday, December 1. — Enjoyed not fo much health of body, or fervour of mind as yefterday. If the chariot wheels move with eafe and fpced at any time, for a fhort fpace j yet by and by they drive heavily agaiji. O that I had the wings of a dove, that I might fly away from fin and corruption, and be at reft in God !
Saturday, December 3. — Rode home, to my houfe and people. Suffered much with the extreme cold,
H3 I
Ii8 TheLIFEof
I trurt:, I fliall, before long, arrive fafe at my journey's end, where my toils fhall ceafe.
Lord's Day, December \. — Had but little fenfe of divine and heavenly things. My foul mourns over my barrennefs. O how fad is fpiritual deadnefs !
Tuefdayy December 6. — Was perplexed to fee the vanity and levity of profelfed chriltians. Spent the evening with a chriftian friend, that was able in iome meafure to fympathize with me in my fpirit- ual confli(51:s. Was a little refreflied to find one with whom I could converfe of inward trials, &c.
Wednefday, December 7.' — Spent the evening m perplexity, with a kind of guilty indolence. When I have no heart or refolution for God and the duties incumbent on me, 1 feel guilty of negligence and mifimprovement of time. Certainly 1 ought to be engaged in my work and bufinefs, to the utmoft ex- tent of my ftrength and ability.
Thurfday, December 8. — My mind was much dif- tradled with different affecStions. Seemed to be at an amazing diflance from God : And looking round in the world, to fee if there was not fome happincfs to be derived from it, God, and fome certain objects in the world, feemed each to invite my heart and af- fections ; and my foul feemed to be diftradled be- tween them. 1 have not been {o much befet with the world for a long time ; and that with relation to fome particular objecfts which I thought myfelfmoft dead to. But even while I was defiring to pleafe myfelfwith any thing below, guilt, forrovvand per- plexity attended the firft motions of defire. Indeed I cannot fee the appearance of plcafure and happi- nefs in the world, as I ufed to do : And blclTed be God for any habitual deadnefs to the world. I found no peace, or deliverance from this diflra(5tioa and perplexity of niind, until I found accefs to the throne of grace : And as foon as I had any fenfe of
God
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 119
God and things divine, the allurements of the world vaniflied, and my heart was determined for God. But my foul mourned over my folly, that I fhould. defire any pleafure, but only in God. God forgive my fpiritual idolatry.
Saturday, December 24. — Had fome afliftance, and longing delires after fand:ification, in prayer, this day j efpecially in the evening : Was fenfibleof my own weaknefs and fpiritual impotency : Saw plain- ly, I fhould fall into fin, if God of his abundant mercy did not uphold my foul, and withhold me from evil. O that God would uphold me by his free fpirity zndfave me from the hour of temptation, • hordes Day, December 25. — Prayed much, in the morning, with a feeling fenfe of my own fpiritual weaknefs and inful?iciency for any duty. God gave me fome afliftance in preaching to the Indians j and efpecially in the afternoon, when I was enabled \o fpeak with uncommon plainnefs, freedom, and earn- eflneis. Bleifed be God for any alTiflance granted to one fo unworthy. Afterwards felt fome thankful- fulnefs J but ffill fenfibleof barrennefs. Spent fome time in the evening, with one or two perfons under fpiritual concern, and exhorting others to their du- ty, &c.
Monday, December 16. — Rode down to Stock- bridge. Was very much fatigued with my journey, wherein I underwent great hardfhip : Was much cxpofed and very wet by falling into a river. Spent the day and evening without much fenfe of divine and heavenly things ; but felt guilty, grieved, and perplexed with wandering carelefs thoughts.
Tuefday, December 27. — Had a fmall degree of warmth in fecret prayer, in the evening: But, alas, had but little fpiritual life, and confequently but lit- ^ tie comfort ! O, the prefTurc of a body xf death !
H 4 Wediiefday y
120 The life of
iWeinefdayt December 28. — Rode about fix miles, to the ordlination of Mr. Hopkins. In the feafon of the folemnity was fomewhat affedted with a fenfe of the greatnefs and importance of the work of a minifter of Chrift. Afterwards was grieved to fee the vanity of the multitude. In the evening, fpent a little time with fome chriftian friends, with fomc degree of fatisfa6tion ; but moit of the time had rather have been alon^, ' ^
Hburfday^ .December OS). — Spent the day mainly in conver-fing with friends ; yet enjoyed little fatisfac- tion, becaufe I eould find but few difpofed to cori- verfe of divine and heavenly things. Alas, what are things of this world, to aflford fatisfa<5tion to |he foul ! Near night, returned to Stockbridge ; in fecret bleffed God for retirement, and that I be not always expofed to the company and converfation of the world. O that I could live in the fecret of God's pref^. er^ef ,_,,._ ■■:'■:. < •■.-■ ■'■. •:- •
Friday, December 30. — Was in, a folerpn devQi^t frame in the e;yening. Wondered that ^arth. with all its charms, fhould ever allure me in the leiift de- gree. . O that I could always realize the.being and holinefs of God.
Saturday, December 31. — Rode from Stockbridge, home to my houfe : The air was clear and calm, but as, cold as ever I felt it in the wopid, or near. I was in great danger of perilhing by the extremity of the feafon. Was enabled to meditate much on the road.
Lord's Day, January i, i743,.4.-^In the morning, had fome fmall degree of alTiftance in prayer. Saw myfelf fo vile and unworthy, that I could not look my people in the face, when I came to preach. O, my meanncfs, folly, ignorance, and inward pollu- tion ! In the evening, had a little afliftance in prayer, fo that the duty was delightfome, rather than bur-
denfome.
Mr. DAVID BR AI nerd. 121
denfome; Refled:edon the goodnefsof God to me ia the paftyear, &c. BlelTed be the Lord, that has carri- ed me through all the toils, fatigues, and hardfhips of the year paft, as well as the fpiritual forrovvs and con- flicfis. that have attended it. O that I could begin this year with God, and fpend the whole of it to his glory, either in life or death.
Monday, Jajiuaiy 2. — Had fome affefting fenfe of my own impotency and fpiritual weakneis. It is nothing but the power of God that keeps me from all manner of wickednefs. . I lee I am nothing, and can do nothing without help from above. O, for di- vine grace ! In the evening, had fome ardour of foul in prayer, and longing deftres to have God for my guide and fafeguard at all times.
Wednefday, January 4.— Was in a refigned and mortified temper of mind, much of the day. Time appeared a moment, life a vapour, and all its enjoy-< ments as empty bubbles, and fleeting blafts of wind.
Thurfdayj'ja?juary <^, — Had a humbling and preff- ing fenle of my unworthinefs. My fenfe of the badnefs of my own heart filjed my foul with bitter- nefs and anguifli ; which was ready to fink, as, un- der the weight of a heavy, burden. And thus fpent the evening, until late. Was fomewhat intcnfe and ardent in prayer. •: : • ;
Friday, January 6. — Feeling and confidering my extreme weaknefs,, and want of grace, the pollution ot rny foul, and danger of temptations on every fide, i fet apart this day for fafling and prayer, neither eating nor drinking from evening to evening, be- feeching God to have mercy on me. And my foul intenfely longed, that the dreadlul fpots and ftains of fin might be walhed away from it. Saw fomething of the power and all fufliciency of God. My foul feemed to reft on his power and grace ; longed for refignation to his will, and mortification to all things
here
122 T H fi L I F E O F
here below. My mind was greatly fixed on divine things : My refolutions for a life of mortification, continual watchfulnefs, felf denial, feriouinefs, and devotion to God, were ftrong and fixed ; my defires ardent and intenfe ; my confcience tender, and afraid of every appearance of evil. My foul grieved with the refledlion on paft levity, and want of refolution for God. Ifolemnly renewed my dedication of my- felf to God, and longed for grace to enable me al- ways to keep covenant with him. Time appeared very fhort, eternity near ; and a great name, either in or after life, together with all earthly pleafures and profits, but an empty bubble, a deluding dream. - Saturday, 'January 7. — Spent this day in fcriouf- nefs, with (tedfafl: refolutions for God and a life of mortification. Studied clofely, until I felt my bod- ily ftrength fail. Felt fome degree of refignation to God, with an acquiefcence in his difpenfations. Was grieved, that I could do fo little for God before my bodily flrength failed. In the evening, though tired, 5pet was enabled to continue inftant in prayer for fome time. Spent the time in reading, meditation, and prayer, until the evening was far fpent : Was grieved, to think that I could not watch unto prayer the whole night. But bleffed be God, heaven is a place of continual and inceflant devotion, though earth is dull.
[The fix days following, he continued in the fame happy frame of mind ; enjoyed the fame com- pofurc, calmnefs, refignation, ardent defireand fweet fervency of fpirit, in a high degree, every day, not one excepted, Tburfday, this week, he kept as a day of fecret fafting and prayer.]
Saturday, 'January 14. — This morning, enjoyed a moft folemn feafon in prayer : My foul feemed en- larged and afTifled to pour out itfelf to God for grace, and for every bleiTing I wanted, for myfeli, my dear
chriftian
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 123
chriftian friends, and for the Church of God ; and was fo enabled to fee him who is invijible, that my foul refted upon him for the performance of every thing I afked agreeable to his will. It was then ni}'- happinefs to continue inflant in prayer, and was en- abled to continue in it for near an hour. My foul was ih^njlrong in the Lord and in the power of his might : Longed exceedingly for angelick' holinefs and purity, and to have all my thoughts, at all times,, employed in divine and heavenly things. O how hlcffed is an heavenly temper ! O how unfpeakably bleffed it is, to feel a meafure of that recl:itude, iri which we weredfftrft created 1 'Fek the fame di- vine afliftance in prh^'er fundry times in theday. My foul confided in God for myfelf, and for his Ziori;; frufted in divine power and grace, that he would do glorious things in his church, on earth, for his oivtp glory.
Monday, "January %1. — [At Salifbury] I think I never felt more refigned to God, nor fo much dead to the world, in every refpedt, as now : Was dead. , to all defire of reputation and greatnefs, either in life: ! or after death : All 1 longed for, was to be holy, humble, crucified to the world, &c.
Tuefday, 'January 24. — Near noon, rode over to Ca- naan. In the evening, was unexpectedly vifited by a confiderable number of people, with whom I was en- abled to converfe profitably of divine things : Took pains to defcribe the difference between a regular and irregular felf love : The one confining with a fupremc love to God, but the other not ; the former uniting Cod's gloryandthe foul's happinefs, that they become one common interelf, but the latter disjoining and feparating God's glory and the man's happinct's, feeking the latter with a ncgledt of the formef. Illuftrated this by that genuine love that is found be- tween the fexcs j which is divcrfe from that whic 1
1 24 The LIFE of
is wrought up towards a perfon only by rational ar- guments, or hope of lelf intereft. Love is a pleai- ing paffion, it affords pleafure to the mind where it: is ; but yet true genuine love is not nor can be placed upon any object with that defign of pleafing itfelf with the feeling of it in a man's own breaft.
[On Wednefday, he rode to Sheffield ; the next day, to Stockbridge ; and on Saturday, home to Kaunaumeek, though the feafon was cold and ftormy : Which journey was followed with illnefs and pain. It appears by his Diary, that he fpent the time, while riding, in profitable medita- tions, and in lifting up his heart to God ; and he fpeaks of affiftance, comfort, andrefrelhment ; but flill complains of barrenneft, &c. ■ His Diary for the five next days is full of the moft heavy bitter complaints ; and he exprelles himfelf as full of Ihame and felf loathing for his lifelefs temper of mind and fluggilhnefs of fpirit.]
Thurfday, February a.— Spent this day in fafting^ and prayer, feeking the prefence and afliilance off God, that he would enable me to overcome all my corruptions and fpiritual enemies.
Friday y 'February '^. — Enjoyed more freedom and comfort than of late; was intcnfely engaged in med- itation upon the different whifpers of the various powers and affed:ions of a pious mind, exerciled with a great variety of difpenfations : And could not but write as well as meditate on fo entertaining a fubjedt. I hope the Lord gave me fome true fenfe of divine things this day : But alas, how great and preihng are the remains of indwelling corruption ! I am now more fenfiblc than ever, that God alone, i& the author and fmijher of our faith ; i. e. that the • whole and every part of fandtification, and every good word, work, or thought, that is found in me, is theeffed: of his power and grace ; that without him
I
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 125
/ can do nothings in the ftridleft fenfe ; and that he works in us to will and to do of his own good pleafure^ and from no other motive. O, how amazing it is that people can talk fo much about men*s power and goodnefs ; when, if God did not hold us back every moment, we fhould be devils incarnate ! This my bitter experience, for feveral days laft paft, has abundantly taught me concerning myfelf.
Saturday, February 4. — Enjoyed fome degree of freedom and fpiritual refrefhment ; was enabled to pray with fome fervency, and longing defires of Zi- on*s profperity ; and my faith and hope feemed to take hold of God y for the performance of what I was enabled to plead for. San(flification in myfelf, and the ingathering of God*s eled:, was all my defire ; and the hope of its accomplilhment, all my joy.
Lord's Day, February 5. — Was enabled in fomq meafure to reft and confide in God, and to prize his prcfence and fome glimpfes of the light of his coun- tenance, above my neceflary food. Thought my- felf, after the feafon of weaknefs, temptation, and defertion I endured the laft week, to be fome what like Sampfon when his locks began to grow again. Was enabled to preach to my people with more life and warmth, than I have for Ibme weeks paft.
Monday, February 6. — This morning my foul a- gain was ftrengthened in God, and found fome fweet repofe in him in prayer : Longing efpecially for the complete mortification of fenfuality and pride, and for relignation to God*s difpenfations, at all times, as through grace I felt it at this time. I did not deiire deliverance from any difficulty, that attends my cir- cumftances, unlefs God was willing. O how com- fortable is this temper ! Spent moft of the day in reading God's word, in writing and prayer. Enjoy- ed repeated and frequent comfort, and intenfenefs of foul in prayer through the day. In the evening, fpent
fome
126 TheLIFEof
fome hours in private converfation with my pecxple ; And afterwards, felt fome warmth in fecret prayer. Tuefdayj February 7. — Was much engaged in fome fweet meditations on the powers and affections of the godly foul in their purfuit of their beloved object : Wrote fomething of the native language of fpiritual fenfation, in its foft and tender whifpers j declar- ing, that it now feels and L-iJles that the Lord is gracious ; that he is the fupreme good, the on- ly foul fitisfying happincfs ; that be is a com- plete, fufficient, and almighty portion ; faying, * * Whom have I in heaven but thee ? And there is' none upon earth that I dcfire, bejides this bleffed por- tion. O, I feel it is heaven to pleale him, and to be juil: what he would have me to be ! O that my foul were holy^ as he is holy ! O that it were pure even as Chnfi is pure ; and perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect ! Thefe, I feel, are tlie fweetell com- mands in God's book, compriling all others. And ihall I break them ! Muft 1 break them ! Am I un- der a neceflity of it as long as I live in the world !
0 my foul, wo, wo is me that I am a finner, becaufe
1 now neceffarily grieve and offend this bleffed God, who is infinite in goodnefs and grace ! O, methinks^ if he would punilli me for my fins, it would not wound my heart fo deep to offend him : But though I fin continually, yet he continually repeats his kind- nefs to me ! O methinks I could bear any fuffering; but how can I bear to grieve and diilionour this bleffed God 1 How ffiall I yield ten thoufand times more honour to him ? What Ihall I do to glorify and wor- fliip this bert of beings ? O that I could confccrate myfelf, foul and body, to his fervice forever. O that I could give up myfelf to him (b as never more to attempt tobe my own, or tohaveany willoraffedtions that are not perfe(ftly conformed to him. But alas, alas, I find i cannot be thus entirely devoted to God:
I
Mr. DA VID BR A I NERD. 127
I cannot live and not iin. O ye angels, do ye glorify him incefTantly; andif poffible, proftrate yourfelves lower before the bleffed king of heaven. I long to bear a part with you ; and, if it were poflible, to help you. O when we have done all that we can to all etctnity, we fhall not be ableto offer the ten thou- landth part of the homage that the glorious God . deferves !"
Felt fomething fpirifual, devout, refigned and mortified to the world, much of the day j andefpecial- ly towards and in the evening. BlefTed be God, that he enables me to love him for himfelf.
JVednefday, February 8. — Was in a comfortable frame of foul moil: of the day ; though fenfible of and reftlefs under fpiritual barrennefs. I find that both mind and body are quickly tired with intenfe- nefs and fervour in the things of God. O that I could be as incefTantas angels in devotion and fpirit- ual fervour.
[The following day he fpent as a day of failing and prayer ; and the two next he appears to have been under fome deprefTion,]
Lord* s Day, February 12 — My foul feemed to con- fide in God, and to repofe itfelfon him; and had outgoings of foul after God in prayer. Enjoyed fome divine afliflance, in the forenoon, in preaching; but in the afternoon, was more perplexed with fliame, &c. Afterwards, found fome relief in prayer : Lov- ed, as a feeble, afilidled, defpifed creature, tocaitmy- felf on a God of infinite grace and goodnefs, hop- ing for no happinefs but from him.
Monday, February 13. — Was calm and fedate in morning devotions ; and my foul feemed to rely on God. Rode to Stockbridge, and enjoyed fome com- tortable meditations by the way : Had a more re- frefhing tafi:c and relifli of heavenly bleffednefs, than 1 have enjoyed for many months pai^. I havs
many
128 T H E L I F E o r
many times of late, felt as ardent defires of hotinefs as ever : But not fo much fenfe of the fvveetnefs and unfpeakable pleafure of the enjoyments and employ- ments of heaven. My foul longed to leave earth, and bear a part with angels in their celeftial employ- ments. My foul hid y Lord y it is good to be here ; and it appeared to me better to die, than to lofe the relifli of thefe heavenly delights.
[A fenfe of divine things feem.ed to continue with him, in a lelTer degree, through the next day. On Wednefday he was, by fome difcourfe that he heard, caft into a melancholy gloom, that operated much in the fame manner as his melancholy had formerly done, when he came firft to Kaunaumeek ; the ef- fedls of which feemed to continue in fome degree the fix following days.]
Wednefday y February 22. — In the morning, had as clear a fenfe of the exceeding pollution of my nature, as ever I remember to have had in my life. 1 then appeared to myfelf inexpreffibly loathfome, and de- filed : Sins of childhood, of early youth, and fuch fol- lies as I had not thought of for years together, (as I remember) came now frefh to my view, as if com- mitted but yefterday, and appeared in the mofl: odi- ous colours : They appeared m.ore in number than the hairs of my head : Yea, they went over my head as an heavy burden. In the evening, the hand of faith feemed to be ftrengthened in God : My foul feem- ed to refl and acquiefcein him : Was fupported un- der my burdens, reading the cxxv. Pfalm : Found that it was fweet and comfortable to lean on God.
Friday y February 24. — Was exceeding reftlels and perplexed under a fenfe of the mifimprovement of time ; mourned to fee time pafs away j felt in the greatefl hurry ; feemed to have every thing to do : Yet could do nothing, but only grieve and groan under my igr.orancc, unprofitabiencfs, meanncfs, the
foolilhnefs
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 129
foolillinefs of my atlions and thoughts, the pride and bitternefs of my paft frames (at fome times, at lead) all which at this time appeared to me in lively colours, and filled me with fliame. I could not com- pofe my mind to any profitable ftudies, by reafon of this prelTiire.
[He continued in much the fame frame of unea- finefs at the mifimprovement of time, and preffure of fpirit under a fenfe of vilenefs, unprofitablenefs, &c. for the fix next following days ; excepting fome intervals of calmnefs and compolure, in refig- nation to and confidence in God.]
Friday y March %, — Was moft of the day employed in writing on a divine fubjed. Was frequent in prayer, and enjoyed fome fmall degree of affi fiance. But in the evening, God was pleafed to grant me a divine fweetnefs in prayer; efpecially in the duty of intercefiion. I think I never felt fo much kind- nefs and love to thofe who I have reafon to think are my enimies, (though at that time I found fuch a dif- pofition to think the beft of all, that 1 fcarce knew how to think that any fuch thing as enmity and ha- tred lodged in any foul ; it feemed as if all the world mufl needs be friends) and never prayed with more freedom and delight, for myfelf, or deareft friend, than I did now for my enemies.
Saturday^ March 3. — In the morning fpent, I be- lieve, an hour in prayer, with great intenfenefs and freedom, and with the mofl foft and tender aflFe(5lion towards mankind. I longed that thofe who I have reafon to think owe me ill will, might be eternally happy : It feemed refrefhing, to think of meeting them in heaven, how much foever they had in- jured me on earth ; Had no difpofition to infift up- on any conlefiiion from thejm, in order to reconcilia- tion and the cxercife of love and kindnefs to them. O it is an emblem of heaven itfelf, to love all the
I world
Ijo The life or
world with a love of kindnefs, forgivenefs, and be- nevolence. Prayer was fo fweet an exercife to me, that I knew not how to ceafe, left I fhould lofe the fpirit of prayer. Felt no difpoiition to eat or drink for the fake of the pleafure of it, but only to fupport my nature, and fit me for divine fervice.
Lord's Day, March 4. — In the morning enjoy- ed the fame intenfencfs in prayer as yefterday morn- ing ; though not in fo great a degree : Felt the fame fpirit of love, univerfal benevolence, forgivenefs, hu- mility, refignation, mortification to the world, and compofure of mind, as then. My foul refted in God ; and I found I wanted no other refuge or friend. — While my foul thus trufts in God, all things feem to be at peace with me, even the ftones of the earth : But when I cannot apprehend and con- £de in God, all things appear with a different af- pe(5l.
[Through the four next days he complains of bar- rennefs, want of holy confidence in God, ftupidity, wanderings of mind, &c. and fpeaks of oppreflion of mind under a fenfe of exceeding meannels, paft fol- lies, as well as prefent workings of corruption. On Friday, he feems to have been reftored to a confider- •able degree of the fame excellent fran^e that he en- joyed the Saturday before.]
Saturday, March 10. — In the morning, felt exceed- ing dead to the world and all its enjoyments: 1 thought I was ready and willing to give up life and all its comforts, as foon as called to it : And yet then had as much comfort of life as almoft ever I had. Life itfelf now appeared but an empty bubble : The riches, honours, and common enjoyments of life ap- peared extremely taftelefs. I longed to be perpetual- ly and entirely crucified to all things here below, by the crojs of Chrif. My foul was fweetly refigned to God's difpolal of me, in every regard ; and I faw,
there
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 131
there had nothing happened to me but what wasbefl for me. I confided in God, that he would never leave, me, though I ihould walk through the valley of the Jhadow of death. It was then my meat and drink to be holy, to live to the Lord^ and die to the Lord : And I thought that I then enjoyed fuch a heaven as far exceeded the moft fublime conceptions of an un- regenerate foul ; and even unfpeakably beyond what I myfelf could conceive of at another time. I did not wonder that Peter faid, Lord, it is good to be here^ when thus refrefhed with divine glories. My foul was full of love and tendernefs in the duty of inter- ceflion ; efpecially felt a mofl fweet affediion to fome precious godly minifters, of my acquaintance. Prayed earneftly for dear chriftians, and for thofe I have reafon to fear are my enemies ; And could not have fpoken a word of bitternefs, or entertained a bitter thought againft the vileft man living. Had a lenfe of my own great unworthinefs. My foul feem- ed to breathe forth love and praife to God a- frefh, when 1 thought he would let his children love and receive me as one of their brethren and fellow citizens : And when I thought of their treating me in that manner, I longed to lie at their feet ; and could think of no way to exprefs the fincerity and fimplicity of my love and ef- teem of them, as being much better than my- felf.
Lord's Day ^ March it. — My foul was in fome vc\z2X\jiXt Jlrengthened in God, in morning devotion j fo that I was releafed from trembling, fear and dif- trefs. ' Preached to my people from the parable of the fower, Matth. xiii. And enjoyed fome affift- ance, both parts of the day : Had fome freedorn, affediion, and fervency in addreffing my poor peo- ple ; longed that God fliould take hold of their hearts, and make thena fpiritually alive. And indeed / had
\% fo
13a T H' £ LIFE OF
fo much to fay to them- that 1 knew not how to leave off fpeaking*.
Monday, Manyj liV-r-In the morning was in a de- vout, tender, and loving frame of mind ; and was enabled to cry to God, I hope, with a child like fpirit, with importunity, and refignation, and com- pofure of mind. My fpirit was full of quietnefs, and love to mankind ; and longed that peace fliould reign on the earth : Was grieved at the very thoughts of a fiery, angry and intemperate zeal in religion ; raour'ned over pafl follies in that regard ; and my foiil confided in God for Itrength and grace fuffi- cient for my future work and trials. Spent the day mainly in hard labour, making preparation for my intended journey.
Tuefdayt March i J.—Felt my foul going forth af, ter God fometimes ; but not with fuch ardency as I longed for. In- the evening, was enabled to contin- ue ihflant in prayer, for fome confiderable time to- gether ; and efpecially had refpe6t to the journey I defigned to enter upon, with the leave of Divine Providence, on the morrow. Enjoyed fome freedom and fervency, entreating that the divine prefencc might attend me in every place where my bufinefs might lead me ; and had a particular reference to the trials and temptations that I apprehended I might be more eminently expofed to in particular places. Was flrengthened and comforted -, although I was before very weary. Truly the jay of the Lord is Jlrength and life,
Wednefday, March 14. — Enjoyed fome intenfenefs of foul in prayer, repeating my petitions for God's prefence in every place where I expected to be in my journey. Befought the Lord that 1 might not
be
* This was the laft Sabbath that ever he performed publick fervice at Kaunaumcck, «md thefe the laft iermons that ever he preached there. It appears by his Diary, that vfhilfe he continued with thcfc Indians, lie took great pains -with them, and did it with much dikrctioa •, bui the particular mannei how, has bcenomittcd for brevity's fake.
Mr. DAVID BR A I NERD. 133
be too much pleafed and am 11 fed with dear friends and acquaintance, in one place and another. Near ten fet out on my journey, and near night came to Stockbridge.
Thurfday, March 15.— Rode down to Sheffield. Here 1 met a meflenger from Eafl-Hampton, on Long-Ifland ; who, by the unanimous vote of that large town, was fent to invite me thither, in order to I'ettle with that people, where I had been before frequently invited. Seemed more at a lofs what was my duty than before. When 1 heard of the great difficulties of that place, I was much concern- ed and grieved, and felt fome defires to comply with their requeit ; but knew not what to do : Endeav- oured to commit the cafe to God.
hordes Day, March 18.— [At Salilbury.] Was ex- ceeding weak and faint, fo that I could fcarce walk : But God was pleafed to afford me much freedom, clearnefs and fervency in preaching : I have not had the like affiftance in preaching to linners for many months paft. Here another meffenger met me, and informed me of the vote of another congrega- tion, to give me an invitation to come among them upon probation for fettlement*. Was fomething exercifed in mind with a weight and burden of care. O that God would T^^zi forth faithful labourers into his harvefl,
[After this, he went forward on his journey to- wards New-York and New-Jerfey : In which he proceeded llovvly ; performing his journey under great degrees of bodily indifpofition. However, he preached feveral times by the way, being urged by friends ; in which he had confidcrable affiftance. He fpeaks of comfort in converfation with chriflian friends irom tinie to time, and of various things in
1 3 the
'♦This rongrc-gatlon wa« riiat at Mill(nj;t6n, near Haddzm. Thry were \try carncltly drfiioiis cf h:« ■::>m;iig artrMig ihein, '
134 TheLIFEof
the exercifes and frames of his heart, that Ihew much of a divine influence on his mind in this journey.]
Thurfday^ April ^. — Was again much exercifed with vveaknefs, and with pain in my head. At- tended on the com mifli oners in their meeting*. Re- folved to goon flill with the Indian affair, if Divine Providence permitted ; ahhough I had before felt fome incHnation to go to Eaft-Hampton, where I was folicited to go,
[After this he continued two or three days in the Jerfeys, very ill ; and then returned to New- York ; and from thence into New-England ; and went to his native town of Haddam : Where he arrived on Saturday, April 14. And he continues ftill his bit- ter complaints of want of retirement. While he was in New- York, he fays thus, O, it is not the pleafures of the world can comfort me ! If God deny his prefence, what are the pleafures of the city to me ? One hour of fweet retirement where God is, is better than the whole world. And he continues to cry out of his ignorance, meannefs, and unwor- thinefs. However, he fpeaks of fome feafons of fpecial afliftance and divine fweetnefs. He fpent fome days among his friends at Eaft-Hamipton, and Milhngton.]
Tucfday, April I'J.— Rode to Millington again; and felt perplexed when I fet out ,* was feeble in body, and weak in faith, I was going to preach a }ed:ure ; and feared I fhould never have affiftance enough to get through. But contriving to ride alone at a diftance from the company that was going, I
fpent
•* The IrK^ians at Kaunauincek being but few in number, and Mr. Brainerd having now been labouring among them about a year, and having prevailed upon them to be wilhng to leave Kaunaumeck, and remove to Stockbndgc, to [\%c conftantly un- der Mr. Sargeant's mini dry ; he thought he might now do more fcrvice for Chrift arnong the Indians eh'ewhere : And therefore went this journey to Ncw-Jerfcy to lay the matter before the commiiTioners ; who met at F.lizabeih-Town, on this oc^ cafion, and determined that he fhould fonhwilh leave K»upaumcek, and go to the Delaware Indians.
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 135
fpent the time in lifting up my heart to God : Had not gone far before my foul was abundantly ftrength- ened with thofe words, If God be for uSy who can be agairifi us? 1 went on, confiding in God ; and fear- ing nothing fo much as felf confidence. In this frame I went to the houfeof God, and enjoyed fome afliflance. Afterwards felt the fpirit of love and meeknefs in converfation with fome friends. Then rode home to my brother's : And in the evening, iinging hymns with friends, my foul feemed to melt : And in prayer afterwards, enjoyed the exercife of faith, and was enabled to be fervent in fpirit : Found more of God's prefence, than I have done any time in my late wearifome journey. Eternity appeared very near : My nature was very weak, and feemed ready to be difiblved ; The fun declining, and the fliadows of the evening drawing on apace. O I longed to fill up the remaining moments all for God i Though my body was fo feeble, and wearied with preaching, and much private converfation, yet I wanted to fit up all night to do fomething for God. To God, the giver of thefe refrelhments, be glory forever and ever ; Amen.
[After this, he vifited feveral minifi:ers in Connec- ticut ; and then travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sargeant's at Stockbridge, Thurfday, April 26. He performed this journey in a very weak ftate of body.]
Friday y and Saturday y April 27, and 28. — Spent fome time in vifiting friends, and difcourfing with my people (who were now moved down from their own place to Mr. Sargeant's) and found them very glad to lee me returned. Was exercil- ed in my mind with a fenfe of my own unworthi- nefs.
L'ird*s Day, April 2<). — Preached for Mr. Sargeant, both parts of the day, from Rev. xiv. 4.
I 4 Monday,
136 TheLIFEof
Monday, April 30. — Rode to Kaunaumeek, but was extremely ill : Did not enjoy the comfort I hoped for in my own houfe.
Tuefday, May i. — Having received new orders to go to a number of Indians on Delaware river in Pennfylvania, and my people here being moftly re^ moved to Mr, Sargeant*s, I this day took all my clothes, books, &c. and difpofed of them, and fet out for Delaware river j but made it my way to re- turn to Mr. Sargeant's : Which I did this day, juft at night. Rode feveral hours in the rain through the howling wildernefs, although I was fo difordered in body, that little or nothing but blood came from me,
[He continued at Stockbridge, the next day ; and on Thurfday rode a little way, to Sheffield, under a great degree of illnefs ; but with encouragement and cheerfulnefs of mind under his fatigues. On Fri- day, he rode to Salifbury, and continued there until after the Sabbath. On Monday, he rode to Sharon ; and fpeaks of himfelf as diftrefTed at the confidera- tion of the mifimprovement of time.]
Tuefday, May 8. — Set out from Sharon in Connec- ticut, and travelled about forty five miles to a place called theFifh-Kill, and lodged there. Spent much of my time, while riding, in prayer, that God would go with me to Delaware. My heart fometimes was ready to fink with the thoughts of my work, and go- ing alone in the wildernefs, I knew not where : But ilill it was comfortable, to think, that others of God's children had wandered about in caves and dens of the earth ; and Abraham, when he was called to go forth, went out not knowing whither he went. O that I might follow after God.
[The next day, he went forward on his journey -, crofled Hudfon's river, and went to Gofhen in the highlands ; and fo travelled acrofs the woods, from Iiudfon*s river to Delaware, about an hundred miles, .
\\-\towgh.
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 137
through a defolate and hideous country, above New- Jerfey ; where were very few fettlements : In which journey he fufFered much fatigue and hardfhip. He vifited fome Indians in the way, and difcourfed with them concerning chriftianity. Was confiderably melancholy and difconfolate, being alone in a flrange wildernefs. On Saturday, he came to a fettlement of Irifli and Dutch people, about twelve miles above the Forks of Delaware.]
Lord*sDay, May 13. — Rofe early : Felt very poor- ly after my long journey, and after being wet and fatigued. Was very melancholy; have fcrace ever feen fuch a gloomy morning in my life ; there appeared to be no Sabbath ; the children were all at play ; I a Granger in the wildernefs, and knew not where to go ; and all circumftanccs feemed to con- fpire to render my affairs dark and difcouraging. Was difappointed refpedting an interpreter, and beard that the Indians were much fcattered, &c. O I mourned after the prefence of God, and feemed like a creature banifhed from his fight : Yet he was pleafed to fupport my finking foul, amid ft all my iorrows ; lo that I never entertained any thought of quitting my bufinefs among the poor Indians, but was comforted, to think, that death would before long fet me free from thefe diftrelfes. Rode about three or four miles to the Irifli people, where I found Ibme that appeared fober and concerned about relig- ion. My heart then began to be a little encouraged : Went and preached, firft to the Irilh, and then to the Indians : And in the evening, was a little comfort- ed ; my foul feemed to reft on God, and take cour- age. O that the Lord would be my fupport and comforter in an evil world.
Monday, May 14.— Was very bufy in fome necefta- ry ftudies. Felt myfelf very loofe from all the world ; All appeared vanity and vexation offpirit. Seemed
fomething
138 TheLIFEof
fomething lonefome and difconfolate, as if I was banifhed from all mankind, and bereaved of all that is called pleafure in the world : But appeared to my- felf fo vile and unworthy, it feemed fitter for me to be here than any where.
[He continued much in the fame frame the three next days.]
Friday, May 18. — Felt again fomething of the fweet fpirit of religion ; and my foul feemed to con- fide in God, that he would never leave me. But oft- entimes faw myfelf fo mean a creature, that 1 knew not how to think of preaching. O that I could al- ways live to and upon God !
Saturday , May 19. — Was, fome part of the time, greatly oppreffed with the weight and burden of my work: It feemed impoflibleformeeverto go through with the bufinefslhad undertaken. Towards night, was very calm and comfortable ; and I think my foul trufted in God for help.
Lord^s Day, May 20. — Preached twice to the poor Indians, and enjoyed fome freedom in fpeaking, while I attempted to remove their prejudices againft chriftianity. My foul longed for aiTiftance from above, all the while ; for I faw I had no ftrength fuf- ficient for that work. Afterwards, preached to the Irifli people : Was much aflifted in the firft prayer, and fomething in fermon. Several perfons feenied much concerned for their fouls, with whom I dif- courfed aftervv^ards with much freedom and fome power. BlclTed be God for any afTiitance afforded to an unworthy worm. O that I could live to him 1
[Through the refl of this week, he was fometimes ready to fink with a fenfe of his unworthinefs and nnfitnefs for the work of the miniftry ; and fome- times encouraged and lifted above his fears and for- rows, and was enabled confidently to rely on God ; and efpecially on Saturday, towards night, he en- joyed
I
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 139
joyed calmnefs and compofure, and afliftance in prayer to God. He rejoiced (as he fays) that God remains unchangeably powerful and faithful ^ a fure and fufficient portion, and the dwelling place of his children, in all generations . ]
Lord*s Day, May 27. — Vifited my Indians in the morning, and attended upon a funeral among them : Was affc(5ted to fee their heathenidi pradices. O that they might be turned from darknefs to light. Af- terwards, got a conlidcrable number of them togeth- er, and prcriclied to them ; and obferved them very attentive. After this, preached to the white people from Heb. ii. 3. Was enabled to fpcak with fome freedom and power : Several people feemed much concerned for their fouls ; efpecially one who had been educated a Roman Catholick. Bleiled be the Lord for any help.
Monday y May 28. — Set out from the Indians above the Forks of Delaware, on a journey towards New- ark in New-Jerfey, according to my orders. Rode through the wildernefs ; was much fatigued with the heat ; lodged at a place called Black-River ; was exceedingly tired and worn out.
[On Tueiday, he came to Newark : The next day, went to Elizabeth-Town : On Thurfday, he went to New-York ; and on Friday returned to Eliz- abeth-Town. Thefe days w^re fpent in fome per- plexity of mind. He continued at Elizabeth-Town until Friday in the week following. Was enliven- ed, refreflied, and ftrengthened on the Sabbath at the Lord's table. The enfuing days of the week were fpent chiefly in fludies preparatory to his ordi- nation ; and on fome of them he feemed to have much of God's gracious prefence, and of the fiveet influences of his fpirit ; but was in a very weak ilate of body. On Saturday, he rode to Newark.]
Lord's Day, 'June 10.— [At Newark.] In the morn- ing, was much concerned how I Ihould perform the
work
HO T H E L I F E o F
work of the day ; and trembled at the thoughts of being left to myfelf. Enjoyed very confiderable af- fiftance in all parts of the publick fervice. Had an opportunity again to attend on the ordinance of the Lord's fupper, and through divine goodnefs was re- freftied in it : My foul was full of love and tender- nefs towards the children of God, and towards all men : Felt a certain fvveetnefs of difpofition towards every creature. At night, I enjoyed more fpiritual- ity, and fweet defire of holincfs, than I have felt for fome time : Was afraid of every thought and every motion, left thereby my heart fhould be drawn away from God. O that I might never leave the bleffed God I Lord, in thy prefence isfulnefs of joy. O the bleflednefs of living to God !
Monday, "June 1 1 . — This day the Prefbytery met together at Newark, in order to my ordination. Was very weak and difordered in body ; yet endeavoured to repofe my confidence in God. Spent moft of the day alone ; efpecially the forenoon. At three in the afternoon preached my probation fermon, from Ads xxvi. 17. 18. being a text given me for that end. Felt not well, either in body or mind ; however, God carried me through comfortably. Afterwards, pafTed an examination before the Prefbytery. Was much tired, and my mind burdened with the great- nefs of that charge I was in the moft folemn man- ner about to take upon me : My mind was fo prefT- ed with the weight of the work incumbent upon me, that I could not fleep this night, though very weary and in great need of reft.
Tuefday, 'June I3. — Was this morning further ex- amined, refpeifting my experimental acquaintance with chriftianity*. At ten o'clock my ordination
was
• Mr, Pemberton, in a letter to the Honourable Society in Scotland that emplovd Mr. Brainerd, which he wrote concerning him, (publiilicd in Scotland, in the Chnf. tian monthly Hijlory) writes thus, " We can with plcafurefay, tliat Mr. lirainerd paiC ed through his ordination triali, to the univerfal approbation of the Prefbytery, and
appeared
Mr. D a V I D BR a I N E R D. 141
was attended : The fermon preached by the Rev. ' Mr. Pemberron. At this time I was afFedted with a fenfe of the important truft committed to me ; yet was compofed, and folemn, without diftradtion : And I hope, I then (as many times before) gave my- felf up to God, to be foi him, and not for another. O that I might always be engaged in the fervice of God, and duly remember the lolemn charge 1 have received, in the prcfence of God, angels and men ; Am.en ! May I be affifted of God for this purpofe. Towards night, rode to Elizabeth-Town.
appeared uncommonly qualiftcd for the work of the minillry. He feems to be arm- ed with a great deal of felf denial, and an'mattd -with a noble Jteal to propagate the g^ofpel among tfaofc barbarous nauons,^ who ha%e long dwelt ia,the darliJiels of hca^ - thenifm."
PART
142 T H E L I F E 0 F
PART vr.
From his Ordin ati on until hejirjl began to preach tothe Indians at Crosweeksung, amongwhom he had his mojl remarkable fuccefs,
WEDNESDAY, ^une i3.-~Spent fome confid- erable time in writing an account of the Indian affairs to go to Scotland ; fpent fome time in con- verfation with friends ; but enjoyed not mtich fwcet- nefs and fatisfadtion.
Thwfday, June 14. — Received fome particular kindnefs from friends ; and wondered that God fliould open the hearts of any to treat me with kind- nefs : Saw myfelf to be unworthy of any favour from God, or any of my fellow men. Was much exer- cifed with pain in my head ; however determined to fet out on my journey towards Delaware in the afternoon : But in the afternoon my pain increafed exceedingly ; fo that I was obliged to betake myfelf to the bed ; and the night following, was greatly diftrefifed with pain and ficknefs : Was fometimes almoft bereaved of the exercife of reafon by the ex- tremity of pain. Continued much diftrelTed until Saturday ; when I was fomething relieved by an em.et- ick : But was unable to walk abroaduntil the Mon- day follou-Iiig, in the afternoon ; and ftill remained very feeble. I often admired the goodnefs of God, that he did not fufFer me to proceed on my journey from this place, w'here I was i'o tenderly ufed, and to be fick by the way among firangers. God is very gracious to me, both in health and ficknefs, and in- termingles much mercy with all my affli(5lions and
toils.
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E RD. 143
toils. Enjoyed fome fweetnefs in things divine, in the midll: of my pain and weaknefs. O, that I could praife the Lord !
[On Tuefday, June 19, he fet out on his journey home, and in three days reached his place, near the Forks of Delaware. Performed the journey under much weaknefs of body ; but had comfort in his foul, from day to day : And both his weaknefs of body, and confolation of mind, continued through the week.]
Lord*s Day, June 24. — Extremely feeble ; fcarce able to walk : However, vifited my Indians, and took much pains to inftrud: them : Laboured with fome that were much difaffedted to chriftianity. My mind was much burdened with the weight and dif- ficulty of my work. My whole dependence and hope of fuccefs feemed to be on God ; who alone, I* faw, could make them willing to receive inftrudlion. My heart was much engaged in prayer, fending up iilent requefts to God, even while I was fpeaking to them . O that I could always go in the ftrength of the Lord !
Monday, June 2^. — Was fomethingbetterin health than of late : Was able to fpend a conliderable part of the day in prayer and clofe ftudies. Had more freedom and fervency in prayer than ufual of late.
Tuefday, 'June 26. — In the morning, my delires feemed to rife, and afcend up freely to God. Was bufy moft of the day in tranflating prayers into the language of the Delaware Indians : Met with g/eat difficulty by reafon that my interpreter was altogeth- er unacquainted with the bufinefs. But though I was much difcouraged with the extreme difficulty of that work, yet God fupported me ; and efpecial- \y in the evening, gave me fweet refrefhment : In ' prayer my foul was enlarged, and my faith drawn ' into fenfible exercife ; was enabled to cry to God
for
144 The LIFE of
for my poor Indians ; and though the work of their eonverfion appeared impojjible with man, yet with God I favv all things were pojjible. My faith was much ftrengthened, by obferving the wonderful alfiftance God afforded his fervants Nehemiah and Ezra, in re- forming his people, and reeftabhOiing his ancient church. I was much aflifted in prayer for dear chrif- tian friends, and for others that 1 apprehended to be chriftlefs ; but was more efpecially concerned for the poor heathen, and thofe of my own charge : Was enabled to be inftant in prayer for them ,♦ and hop- ed that God would bow the heavens and come down for their falvatioui It feemed to me, there could be no impediment fufficient to obflrud: that glorious work, feeing the living God, as I ftrongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in a folemn frame, lifting up my heart to God for afliftance, and grace, that I might be more mortified to this prefent world, that my whole foul might be taken up continually in concern for the advancement of Chrift's kingdom : Longed that God would purge me more, that I might be as a chofen vefTed to bear his name among the heathen. Continued in this frame until I drop- ped afleep.
Wednefday, 'June 27. — Felt fomething of the fame folemn concern, and fpirit of prayer, that I enjoyed laft night, foon after I rofe in the morning. In the afternoon, rode feveral miles to lee if I could procure any lands for the poor Indians, that they might live together, and be under better advantages for inftruc- tion.
Thurfday^ June 28. — Spent the morning, in read- ing feveral parts of the holy fcripture, and in fer- vent prayer for my Indians, that God would fet up his kingdom among them, and bring them into his church. About nine, I withdrew to my ufual place of retirement in the woods ; and there again
enjoyed
Mr. DAVID BRAIN^ERD. 145
enjoyed fome affiftance in prayer. My great con- cern was for the converfion of the heathen to God ; and the Lord helped nie to plead with him for it. Towards noon, rode up to the Indians, in order to preach to them j and while going my heart went up to God in prayer for them ; could freely tell God, he knew that the caufe was not mine, which I was engaged in ; but it was his own caufe, and it would be for his own glory to convert the poor Indians : And blefled be God, I felt no defire of their conver- fion, that I might receive honour from the world, as being the initrument of it. Had Ibme freedom in Ipeaking to the Indians.
[The two next days he fpeaks of fome ferious concern for the kingdom of the blelTed Redeemer ; and confidence in God, that he would advance it ; but complains much of barrennefs, wanderings, in- activity, &c.]
Lord*s Day, ^.v/k I. — In the morning, was per- plexed with wandering vain thoughts : Was much grieved, judged and condemned myfelf before God* And O, how mifcrable did I feel, becaufe I could not live to God. At ten, rode away with a heavy heart to preach to my Indians. Upon the road, I attempted to lift up my heart to God ; but was in- fcfted with an'unfettled wandering frame of mind ; and was exceeding refllcfs and perplexed, and filled vyith Ihame and confufion before God. I feemed to myfelf to be ?nore hrutij]:> than a?iy man ; and thought, none deferved to be cajl out of Go.Vs pre fence {o much as I. If I attempted to lift up my heart to God, as I frequently did by the way, on a fudden be- fore I was aware, my thoughts were wandering to the ends of the earth : And my foul was filled with lurprife and anxiety, to find it thus. Thus alfo af- ter I came to the Indians, my mind was con fu fed j and I fdt nothing fenfibly of that fweet reliance on
K God,
146 The life of
God, that my foul has been comforted within days pafl. Spent the forenoon in this poflure of mind, and preached to the Indians without any heart. In the afternoon, I felt ftill barren, when I began to preach ; and after about half an hour, I feemed to myfelf to know nothing, and to have nothing to fay to the Indians ; but foon after, I found in my- felf a fpirit of love, and warmth, and power to ad- drefsthe poor Indians ; and God helped me to plead with them to turn from all the vanities of the heathen, to the living God : And I am perfuaded the Lord touched their confciences ; for I never faw fuch at- tention raifed in them before. And when I came away from them, I fpent the whole time while I was riding to my lodgings, three miles diftant, in prayer and praife to God. And after I had rode more than two miles, it came into my mind to ded- icate myfelf to God again ; which I did with great folemnity, and unipeakable fatisfadiion ; efpecially gave up myfelf to him renewedly in the work of the miniftry. And this I did by divine grace, I hope, without any exception or referve ; not in the leaft ihrinking back from any difEculties, that might at- tend this great and bleffed work. I feemed to be mofl: free, cheerful, and full in this dedication of myfelf: My whole foul cried, " Lord, to thee I dedicate myfelf : O accept of me, and let me be thine forever. Lord, I defire nothing clfe ; I defire nothing more. O come, come, Lord accept a poor worm. Whom have I in heaven,^ but thee ; and there is 7ione upon earth, that I defire beftde thee.^' After this, was enabled to praife God with my whole foul, that he had enabled me to devote and confecrate all my powers to him in this folemn manner. My heart rejoiced in my particular work as amiflionary; rejoiced in my neceffity of fclf denial in many re- fpeCts; and flill contmued to give up myfelf to God,
and
I
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 147
and implore mercy of him ; praying inceflantly ev- ery moment, with fweet fervency. My nature be- ing very weak of late, and much fpent, was now confiderabiygovercome : My fingers grew very fee- ble and fomewhat numb ; fo that I could fcarcely ftretch them out ftraight : And when I lighted from, my horfe, could hardly walk : My joints feemcd all to be loofed. But I felt i\hundd.ntjhe;7gtb in the in^ ner man. Preached to the white people : God help- ed me much, efpecially in prayer. Sundry of my poor Indians were fo moved as to come to meeting alfo ; and one appeared much concerned.
Monday^ '^uly 2. — Had fome relifh of the divine comforts of yefterday ; but could not g€t that warmth and exercife of faith, that I delired. Had fometimes a dirtrefUng fenfeof my pafl: follies, and prefent ignorance and barrennefs : And efpecially in the afternoon, was funk down under a load of fia and guilt, in that I had lived fo little to God, after his abundant goodnefs to me yefterday. In the even- ing, though very weak, was enabled to pray with fer- vency, and to continue inftant in prayer^ near an hour. My foul mourned over the power of its corrup-_ tion, and longed exceedingly tohe wajhed, and piirg^ ed as with hyjfop. Was enabled to pray for my dear abfent friends, Chrift's minifters, and his church ; and enjoyed much freedom and fervency, but not fo much comfort, by reafon of guilt and fhame before God, Judged and condemned myfelf for the follies of the day.
[The two next days he feerns to have had fpecial aftiftance and fervency moft of the time. Thurfday was fpent in great bodily wcaknefs ; and in great bitternefs of fpirit by reafon of his vilenefs and cor- ruption ; he fays thus,l thought there Was not one creature living fo vile as I. O, my inward pollu- tion ! O, my guilt and fliame before God ! I know K3 not
148 TheLIFEof
not what to do. O, I longed ardently to be cleanfed and waflied from the ftains ofinward pollution ! O, to be made like God, or rather to be made fit for God to own !
Friday, 'July 6. — Awoke this morning in the fear of God : Soon called to mind my fadnefs in the evening pad: ; and fpcnt my firft waking minutes in prayer for fanfltification, that my foul might be wa(iied from its exceeding pollution and defilement. After I arofe, I fpent fome time in reading God's word and prayer. I cried to God under a fenfe of my great indigency. lam, of late, mofl of all con- cerned for minifterial qualifications, and the conver- sion of the heathen : Laft } car, I longed to be pre- pared for a world of glory, and fpeedily to depart out of this world ; but of late all my concern almoft is for the converfion of the heathen ; and for that end, I long to live. But bleffed be God, I have lefs defire to live for any of the pleafures of the world, than ever I had : I long and love to be a pilgrim ; and want grace to imitate the life, labours and fuflPerings of St. Paul among the heathen. And "ivhen I long for holinefs now, it is not fo much for myfelf as formerly ; but rather that thereby I may become an able minifler of the New Teftament, ef- pecially to the heathen. Spent about two hours this morning, in reading and prayer, by turns ; and was in a watchful tender frame, afraid of every thing that might cool my afFediions, and draw away my heart from God. Was fomething ftrengthened in my ftudies j but near night was very weak and weary.
Saturday, ^uly 7. — Was very miuch difordered this morning, and my vigour all Spent and exhaufted : But was affed:ed and refrefhed in reading the fweet flory of Elijah's tranflation, and enjoyed fome affec- tion and fervency in prayer j longed much for min-
ifterial
1
Mr. D a VID BR a INE RD. 149
iitcrial gifts and graces, that I might do fomething in the caiile of God.
Lord*s Day, July 8. — Was ill laft night, not able to reft quietly. Had fome fmall degree of aflillance in preaching to the Indians ; and afterwards was en- abled to preach to the white people with ibme pow- er, efpecially in the dole of my difcourle, from Jer. iii. 23. The Lord alfo allifted me in fome meafurc in the firfl: prayer : Bleffed be liis namiC. Near night, though very weary, was enabled to read God*s word with fome fweet reliili of it, and to pray with affedion, fervency, and (I truft) faith : My foul was more fenfibly dependent on God, than ufual. Was watchful, tender, and jealous of my own heart, left I Ihould admit careleltnefs and vain thoughts, and grieve the blefted Spirit, fo that he Ihould with- draw his iweet, kind, and tender influences. Long- ed to depart and be iscith Chrifl, more than at any time of late. My foul was exceedingly united to the fiiints of ancient times, as well as thofenow living ; efpecially my foul melted for the lociety of Elijah and Eliftia. Was enabled to cry to God with a child like fpirit, and to continue inftant in prayer for fome time. Was much enlarged in the fweet duty of in- terccftion.
T^uejday, July lO. — Was very ill and full of pain, and very dull and (piritlefs. In tlie evening, had an affediing fen(e of my ignorance, &c. and of my need of God at all times, to do every thing for mc ; and my foul was humbled before God,
IVcdnefday, July 1 1 .—Was ftill exercifed with ill- nefs and pain. Had fome decree of affl-dion and warmth in prayer and reading God's word : Long- ed for Abraham's faith and fellowihip with God ; and felt fome refolution to fpcnd all my time fot God, and to exert myfclf with more fervency in hi? fcrvicc ; but found my body weak and feeble. In K 3 the
150 The life of
the afternoon, though very ill, was enabled to fpend fome confiderable tinriein prayer ; fpent indeed moft of the day in that exercife ; and my foul was diffi- dent, watchful and tender, left I fhould offend my bleffed friend, in thought or behaviour. lam per- fuaded my foul confided in , and leaned upon 1 he bleff- ed God. O what peed did I fee myfelf to ftand in of God at all times, to affift me and lead me ! Found a great want of ftrength and vigour, both in the out- ward and inner man.
[The exercifes and experiences, that he fpeaks of in the next nine days, are very fimilarto thofeof the preceding days of this and the foregoing week.]
Saturday, 'July 21.-— This morning, was greatly opprefled with guilt and fhame, from a fenfe of in- ward vilenefs and pollution. Towards night my burden refpecSting my work among the Indians be- gan to increafe much ; and was aggravated by hear- ing fundry things that looked very difcouraging, in particular that they intended to meet together the next day for an idolatrous feaft and dance. Then I began to be in anguifli : I thought I muft in con- fcience go and endeavour to break them up j and knew not how to attempt fuch a thing. However, I withdrew for prayer, hoping for ftrength from above. And in prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my foul was as much drawn out as ever I remem- ber it to have been in my life, or near. So, as far as I could judge, I was wholly free from felf.flicnds in my fervent fupplications for the poor Indians. I knew, they were met together to vvorftiip devils, and not God ; and this made me cry earneftly, that God would now appear, and help me in my attempts to break up this idolatrous meeting. My foul plead- ed long; and I thought God would hear, and would go with me to vindicate his own caufe : I feemed to confide in God for his prefcnce and aftiftance. An4
thus
Mr. DAVIDBRAINERD. 151
thus I fpent the evening, praying inceflantly for di- vine affiftance, and that I might not be felf depend- ent, but ftill have my whole dependence upon God. What I pafled through was remarkable, and indeed inexpreffible. I exceedingly longed, that God would get to hifufeifa name among the heathen : And I appealed to him with the greateft freedom, that he knew I preferred him above my chief joy. Indeed, I had no notion of joy from this world : I cared not where or how I lived, or what hardfhips I went through j fo that I could but gain fouls to Chrifl. I continued in this frame all the evening and night. While 1 was afleep, I dreamed of thefe things ; and when I awaked (as I frequently did) the firft thing 1 thought of was this great work of pleading for God againll Satan.
Lord's Day^ T^b 2Z. — When I waked, my foui was burdened with what feemed to be before me : I cried to God, before I could get out of my bed : And as foon as I was dreffed, 1 withdrew into the woods, to pour out my burdened foul to God, ef- pecially for affiftance in my great work; for i could Icarcely think of any thing elfe : And enjoyed the fame freedom arid fervency as the lall evening ; and did with unfpeakable freedom give up myfeif afrelli to God for life or death, for all hardships he Ihould call me to among the heathen ; and felt as if nothing could difcourage me from this bleffed work. I had a (trong hope, that God would b3w the heavens and come down^ and do fome marvellous work among the heathen. And when I was riding to the Indians, three miles, my heart was continually going up to God for his prefence and afliftance ; and hoping, and almofiexpedting, that God would make ihi^the day of his power and grace amongft the poor In- dians. When i came to them, 1 found them engag- ed in their frolick ; but through di-vine goodnefs i K4 got
j.^2 The life of
them to break up, and attend to my preaching : Yet ilill there appeared nothing of the fpecial power of God among them. Preached again to them in the afternoon ; and obferved the Indians were more fo- ber than before : But ftill favv nothing I'pecial among them ; from whence Satan took occafion to tempt and buffet me with thefe curfed fuggeftions, There is no God, or if there be, he is not able to convert the Indians, before they have more knowk-dge, &c. I was very weak and weary, and my foul borne down with perplexity : But was mortified to all the world, and was determined ftill to wait upon God for the converfion of the heathen, though the devil tempted me to the contrary.
Monday, Ju/y 23. — Retained flill a deep and preff- ing fenfe of what lay with fo m.uch weight upon me yefterday ; But was more calm and quiet; enjoyed freedom and compofure, after the temptations of the laft evening : Had fweet refignation to the divine will ; and defired nothing fo much as the converiion of the heathen to God, and that his kingdom might come in my own heart, and the hearts of others. Rode to a fettlement of Iritli people, about fifteen miles fouthweftward ; fpent my time in prayer and meditation by the way. Near night, preached from Matth. V. 3. God was pleafed to afford me fome degree of freedom and fervency. Bleffed be God for ^ny meafure of affiftance.
■ Tue/day, Ju/y 24. — Rode about feventeen miles weft ward, over a hideous mountain, to a number of Indians. Got together near thirty of them : Preach- ed to them in the evening, and lodged among them. Was weak, and felt fomething difconfolate.
[The next day, he preached to thefe Indians again ; and then returned to the Irifh fettlement, and there preached to a numerous congregation : There was a confiderable appearance of awakening in the congre^
gation.
Mr. D a V I D B R a I N E R D. 153
gation. Thurfday, he returned home, exceedingly fatigued and Tpent ; ftill in the lame frame of mor- tification to the world, and felicitous for the advance- ment of Chrifl's kingdom : And on this day he lays, thus, *' 1 have felt, this week, more of the fpirit of a pi/grim on earthy than perhaps ever before ; and yet fo defirous to fee Zion*s profperity, that I was not fo willing to leave this fcene of forrow as I ui'ed to be." 1 he two remaining days of the week, he was very ill, and cries out of wanderings, dulnefs, and want of Ipiritual tervency and fweetnefs. On the Sabbath, he was confined by illnefs, not able to go out to preach. After this, his illnefs increafed upon him, and he continued very ill all the week. Concerning the next five days he writes thus : " Oil Lord's Day, Auguft 5, was flill very poor. But though very weak, 1 vifited and preached to the poor Indians twice, and was Urcngthened vaftly be- yond my expccliations. And indeed, the Lord gave me fome freedom and fervency in addrelfing them ; though I had not llrcngth enough to ftand, but was obliged to fit down the whole tm-je ; towards night, was extremely weak, faint, lick, and full ol pain. And thus I have continued much in the lam.e ftate that I was in laft week, through the molt of this (it being now Friday ;) unable to engage in any bufi- nefs ; frequently unable to pray in the fimily. I am obliged to let all my thoughts and concerns rini at random ; fori have neither ftrength to read, med- itate, or pray : And this naturally perplexes my mind. 1 feem to myfelf like a man that has all his eftate embarked in one fmall boat, unhappily going adrift, down a fvvift torrent. The poor owner Hands on the Ihore, and looks, and laments his lofs."
[The next three weeks after this, his illnefs was not fo extreme : He was in fome degree capable of bufinefs, both publick and private ; (although he
had
154 TheLIFEof
had fome turns wherein his indifpofition prevailed to a great degree:) He alfo in this fpace had, for the mofl: part, much more inward aiTiftance, and ftrength of mind : He often exprefles great longings for the enlargement of Chrift's kingdom ; efpecially by the converfion of the heathen to God : He fpeaks oi his hope of this as all his delight and joy. He continues ftill to exprefs his ufual longings after ho- linefs and living to God, and his fenfe of his own unworthinefs : He feveral times fpeaks of his ap- pearing to himfelf the vileft creature on earth ; and once fays, that he verily thought there were none of God's children who fell fo far fhort of that holinefs, and perfed:ion in their obedience, which God re- quires, as he. He fpeaks of his feeling more dead than ever to the enjoyments of the world. He fome- times mentions fpecial affiftance that he had in this fpace of time, in preaching to the Indians, and of appearances of religious concern among them. He fpeaks alio of affiftance in prayer for abfent friends, and efpecially minifters and candidates for the min- iftry ; and of much comfort he enjoyed in the com- pany of fome minifters that came to vifit him.]
Saturday, Sepfe?nber i. — Was fo far ftrengthened, after a feafon of great weaknefs, that I was able to ipend two or three hours in writing on a divine fub- jed: Enjoyed fome comfort and fweetnefs in things divine and facred : And as my bodily ftrength was in fonr,e meafure reftored, fo my foul feemed to be fomewhat vigorous, and engaged in the things of God.
hordes Day, September 2. — Was enabled to fpeak to my poor Indians with much concern and ferven- cy ; and I am perfuaded, God enabled me to exer- cife faith in him, while I was fpeaking to them. I perceived, that fome of them were afraid to hearken to, and embrace chriflianity, left they fliould be en- chanted
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 155
chanted and poifoned by fome of the powows : But I was enabled to plead with them not to fear thefe ; and confiding in God for fafety and deliverance; I bid a challenge to all thefe powers of darknefs, to do their worll: upon me firll:. Afterwards I found my , foul rejoice in God for his aflifting grace.
[After this he went a journey into New-England,
and was abfent from the place of his abode, at the
Forks of Delaware, about three weeks. He was in'
a feeble Hate the greater part of the time. But in
the latter part of the journey, he found he gained
much in health and llrength. And as to the ftate of
j his mind, and his religious and fpiritual exercifes,
jl it was much with him as had been before ufual in
I journeys; excepting that the frame of his mind feem'-
li ed more generally to be comfortable.]
I'Fednefday, September 26. — Rode home to the Forks of Delaware. What reafon have I to blefs God, who has preferved me in riding more than four hundred and twenty miles, and has kept all my bones that not one of them has been broken ! My health likewife is greatly recovered. O that I could dedi-^ cate my all to God : This is all the return I can make to him.
Thurfday, September 2']. — Was fomething melan- choly : Had not much freedom and comfort in prayer: My foul is difconfolate when God is with- drawn.
[The three next days he fpenks of the fame long- ings for the advancement of ChrilVs kingdom, and the converfion of the Indians ; but complains great- ly of the ill effeds of the diverfions of his late jour- ney, as unfixitTg liis mind from that degree of en- gagednefs, fervency, watch fulnefs, &c.^ which he enjoyed before.]
Monday, 05fober i.— Was engaged this day in making preparation for my intended journey to Suf-
quehannah:
iS^ T H E L I F E o F
quehannah : Withdrew feveral times to the wood^- for fecret duties, and endeavoured to plead for the divine prefence to go with me to the poor pagans, to whom I was going to preach the gofpel. To- wards night rode about four miles, and met broth- er Byram* ; who was come, at my delire, to be my companion in travel to the Indians. I rejoiced to fee him ; and, I truft, God made his converfatioa profitable to me. I faw him, as I thought, mor^ dead to the world, its anxious cares, and alluring objedts, than I was : And this made me look withir> myfelf, and gave m.e a greater feni'e of my guilt, in- gratitude, and mifery. ,
Tuefdayy Odober 2. — Set out on my journey, in company with dear brother Byram, and my inter- preter, and two chief Indians from the Forks of Delaware. Travelled about twenty five miles, and lodged in one of the laft houfes on our road ; after which there was nothing but a hideous and howl- ing wildernefs.
Wednefday, Odober 3. — We went on our way intq the wildernefs, and found the moil: difficult and dan- gerous travelling, by far, that ever any of us had leen ; we had fcarce any thing elfe but lofty mount- ains, deep valleys, and hideous rocks, to make our way through. However, I lelt fome fweetnefs in divine things, part of the day, and had my mind in- tenfely engaged in meditation on a divine fubjed:. Near night, my beaft that I rode upon, hung one of her legs in the rocks, and fell down under me ; but> through divine goodncfs, I was not hurt. Howeverj fhe broke her leg ; and being in inch a liideous place, and near thirty miles from any houfe, I faw nothing that could be done to preferve her life, and it> was obliged to kill her, and to profecute my journey on
foot, j
* Minift^r at a place called Rockciticus, sbout forty miles from Mr. Biainerd's .| lodgin^J*.,.
Mr. D A VI D BR AINERD. 157
foot. This accident made me admire the divine goodnefs to me, that my bones were not broken, and the mulitude of them filled with llrong pain. Juft-at dark we kindled a fire, cut up a few bulhes, and made a Ihelter over our heads to fave us from the froft, which was very hard that night ; and com- mitting ourfelves to God by prayer, we lay down oa the ground and flept quietly.
[The next day they went forward on their journey, and at night took up their lodging in the woods in like manner.]
Friday, October 5. — We arrived at Sufquehannah ■River, at a place called Opeholhaupung : Found there twelve Indian houfes. After I had faluted the king m a friendly manner, I told him my bufinefs, and that my defire was to teach them chriflianity. ' After fome confultation, the Indians gathered, and I preached to them. And when I had done, I afked if they would hear me again. They replied, that they would confiderof it; and foon after fen t me word, that they would immediately attend if I would preach : Which I did, with freedom, both times. When I alked them again whether they would hear me further, they replied, they w'ould. the next day. I was exceeding fenfible of the im- pofTibility of doing any thing for the poor heathen, without fpecial ailiftance from above : And my foul feemed to reft on God, and leave it to him to do as he pleafed in that which I faw was his own caufe : And indeeJ, through divine goodnefs, I had felt fomething of this frame moft of the time while I was travelling thither ; and in fome meafure before I fet out.
Saturday, OBober 6. — Rofe early and befought the Lord for help in my great work. Near noon preach- ed again to the Indians : And in the afternoon, vif- ited them from houfe to houfe, and invited them to
come
J58 T H E L I F E o F
come and hear me again the next day, and put o^ their hunting delign, which they were juft entering upon, until' Monday. This night, I truft, the Lord ftood by me to encourage and ftrengthen my foul : I fpent more than an hour in fecret retirement ; was enabled to pour out my heart before God, for the increafe of grace in my foul, for minifterial en- dowments, for fucccfs among the poor Indians, for God's minifters and people, and for dear friends yaftly diftant, &c. BlelTed be God.
[The next day he complains of great want of fix- ednefs and intenfenefs in religion, fo that he could not keep any fpiritual thought one minute without difl:rad:ion ; which occafioned anguifh of fpirit. — He felt, he fiys, amazingly guilty, and extremely miferable ; and cries out, O my foul, what death it is, to have the affedlions unable to center in God, by reafon of darknefs, and confequently roving after that fatisfadlion eHevvhere, that is only to be found here ! However, he preached twice to the Indians with fome freedom and power : But was afterwards damped by the objetlions they made againft chrift- ianity. In the evening, in afenfeofhis great de- fe6ts in preaching, he entreated God not to impute to him blood guiltinefs ; but yet was at the fame time enabled to rejoice in God.]
Monday, Otlober 8. — Vifited the Indians with a defign to take my leave of them, fuppofing they would this morning go out to hunting early ; but beyond my expectation and hope, they defired to hear me preach again. I gladly complied with their requeft, and afterwards endeavoured to anfwcr their objections againft chriftianity. Then they went away ; and we fpent the reft of the afternoon in reading and prayer, intending to go homeward very early the next day. My foul was in fome meaf- ure refrelhed in fecret prayer and meditation. Bleff- ed be the Lord for all his goodnefs.
T^uejday'y
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 159
, Tuefday,OBober<^. — We rofe about four in the morn- ing, and, commending ourfelves to God by prayer.and aikinghis Ipecial protediion, we fet out on our jour- ney homewards about five, and travelled with great fleadinefs until pafl: fix at night. And then made us a fire, and a fhelter of barks, and fo ref^ed. I had fome clear and comfortable thoughts on a divine fubjed:, by the way, towards night. In the night, the wolves howled around us ; but God preferv- ed us.
[The next day they rofe early, and fet forward, and travelled that day until they came to an Irifh fettlement, where Mr. Brainerd was acquainted, and lodged there.]
Friday, OBober 12. — Rode home to my lodging ; where 1 poured out my foul to God in fecret prayer, and endeavoured toblefs him for his abundant good- nefs to me in my late journey. I fcarce ever enjoy- ed more health ; at leafl of later years ; and God marvelloufly, and almoft miraculoufly, fupported me under the fatigues of the way, and travelling on foot. BlefTed be the Lord, that continually pre- ferves me in all my ways.
[On Saturday he went again to the Irifh fettlement, to fpend the Sabbath there, his Indians being gone.]
Lord*s Day, Otiober 14. — Was much confufed and perplexed in my thoughts ; could not pray ; and was almoft difcouraged, thinking 1 fhould nev- er be able to preach any more. But afterwards God was pleafed to give me fome relief from thefe con- fufions : But ftill I was afraid, and even trembled before God. I went to the place of publick wor- Ihip, lifting up my heart to God for afliftance and vgrace, in my great work : And God was gracious 40 me, and helped me to plead with him for holi- nefs,<ind to ufe the (trongeft arguments with him, drawn from the incarnation and fufferings of Chrift
for
i6o T H E L I F E o F
for this very end, that men might be made holy. Afterwards, I was muchaflifted in preaching. Iknow rot that ever God helped me to preach in a m^ore clofe and diftinguifliing manner for the trial of men's ftate. Through the infinite goodnefs of God, I felt what I fpake ; and God enabled me to treat on di-| vine truth with uncommon clearnefs : And yet I was fo fenfible of my defed:s in preaching, that I could not be proud of my performance, as at fome times ;1 and bleifed be the Lord for this mercy. In the even-l ing, I longed to be entirely alone, to blefs God for] help in a time of extremity ; and longed for great degrees of holinefs, that I might fhew my gratitude to God .
[The next morning he fpent fome time before funrifc in prayer, in the fame fweet and grateful frame of mind, that he had been in the evening be- fore: And afterwardswent to his Indians, and fpent fome time in teaching and exhorting them.]
Tuefday, Odiober i6. — Felt a fpirit of folemnity and watchfulnefs ; was afraid I fhould not live to and upon God : Longed for more intenfenefs and fpirit- uality. Spent the day in writing ; frequently lift- ing up my heart to God for more heavenly minded- nefs. In the evening enjoyed fweet afliftance in prayer, and thirfted and pleaded to be as holy as the bleffed angels : Longed for minifterial gifts and
traces, and fuccefs in my work : Was fweetly aflift- d in the duty of interccilion, and enabled to remem- ber, and plead for numbers of dear friends, and Chrifl's miniftcrs.
[He feemed to have much of the fame fram.e of mind, the two next days.]
Friday, O^lober \g, — My foul enjoyed a fweet feafon of bitter repentance and forrow, that I had wronged that bleited God, who, 1 was perfuaded, ovas reconciled to me in his dear Son. My foul was
now
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. i6i
now tender, devout, and folemn. And I was afraid of nothing, but fin ; and afraid of that in every ac- tion and thought.
[The four following days, were manifeftly fpent in a moft couftant tendernefs, watchful- nefs, diligence and felf diffidence. But he com- plains of wanderings of mind, languor of affec- tions, &c.]
Wednefday\ OBober 24. — Near noon, rode to my j3eople j fpent fome time, and prayed with them : Felt the frame of a pilgrim on earth; longed much to leave this gloomy manfion ; but yet found the exercife of patience and refignation. And as I re- turned home from the Indians, fpent the whole time in hfting up my heart to God. In the evening, enjoyed a blefled feafon alone in prayer j was ena- bled to cry td God with a child like fpirit, for the fpace of near an hour : Enjoyed a Ivveet freedom in fupplicating for myfelf,for dear friends, minifters, and fome who are preparing for that work, and for the church of God ; and longed to be as lively myfeli in God*s ferviceas the angels. /\
Friday^ Otiober 26.— 'In the morning my foul waS melted with a fenfe of divine goodnefs and mercy to fuch a vile unworthy worm as I : Delighted to lean upon God, and place my whole trull: in him* My foul was exceedingly grieved for fin, and prized and longed after holinefs ; it wounded my heart deep- ly, yet fweetly, to think how I had abufed a kind God. f longed to be perfedly holy, that I might •not grieve a gracious God ; who will continue to love, notwithiknding his love is abufed : 1 longed for holinefs more for this end, than I did for my own happinefs fake. And yet this was my greatefl happinefs, never more to difhonour, but always to glorify the blelTed God. Afterwards rode up to the Indians, in the afternoon, &c.
L [The
i62 The LIFE of
[The four next days he was exercifed with much dilorder and pain of body, with a degree of melan- choly and gloominefsof mind, bitterly complaining of deadnefs and unprofitablenefs, yet mourning and longing after God.]
Wednefday, 06iober 31. — Was fenfible of my bar- rennefs, and decay, in the things of God : My foul failed, when I remembered the fervency I had en- joyed at the throne of grace. O, I thought, if I could but be fpiritual, warm, heavenly minded, and afFedtionately breathing after God, this would be better than life to me ! My foul longed exceedingly for death, to be loofed from this dulnefs and barren- nefs, and made forever aftive in the fervice of God. I feemed to live for nothing, and to do no good : And O, the burden of fuch a life ! O, Death, Death, my kind friend, haften and deliver me from dull mor- tality, and make me fpiritual and vigorous to eternity.
Friday^ 'November 1. — Was filled with forrowand confufion, in the morning, and could enjoy no fweet fenfe of divine things, nor get any relief in prayer. Saw I deferved that every one of God*s creatures Ihould be let loofe upon me to be the executioners of his wrath againft me : And yet therein I faw I deferved what 1 did not fear as my portion. About noon rode up to the Indians; and while going, could feel no defires for them, and even dreaded to fay any thing to them ; but God was pleafed to give me fome freedom and enlargement, and made the feafon comfortable to me. In the evening had enlarge- ment in prayer.
Saturday, 'November 3. — I read the life and trials of a godly man, and was much warmed by it : I won- dered at my paft deadnefs ; and was more convinced of it than ever. Was enabled to confefs and be- wail my fin before God, with felf abhorrence.
hordes
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 163
Lord*s Day, November 4. — Had, I think, fome exercife of faith in prayer in the morning : Longed to be fpiritual. Had confiderable help in preaching to my poor Indians : Was encouraged with them, and hoped that God defigned mercy for them.
[The next day he fet out on a journey to New- York, to the meeting of the prefbytery there; and was gone from home more than a fortnight. He feemed to enter on this journey with great reluc- tance j fearing that the diverfions of it would prove a means of cooling his religious affedlions, as he had found in other journeys. But yet in this journey he had fome fpecial feaforts wherein he enjoyed ex^ traordinary evidences and fruits of God's gracious prefcnce. He was greatly fatigued and expofed in this journey by cold and Itorms : And when he re- turned from New-York to New-Jerfey, on Friday, was taken very ill, and was detained by his iilnefs fome time.]
Wcdnefday, November '2.1 . — Rode from Newark to Rockciticus in the cold, and was almofl: overcome with it. Enjoyed fome fweetnefs in converfation with dear Mr. Jones, while I dined with him : My foul loves the people of God, and efpecially the minifters of Jefus Chrift, who feel the fame trials that I do.
Thurfday^ November 22. — Came on my way from Rockciticus to Delaware river. Was very much difordered with a cold and pain in my head. About fix at night, I loft my way in the wildernefs, and wandered over rocks and mountains, down hideous fteeps, through (wamps, and moft dreadful and dangerous places : And the night being dark, fo that few ftars could be feen^ I was greatly expofed : Was much pinched with cold, and diftreffed with an extreme pain in my head, attended with ficknefs at my ftomach ; fo that every ftep 1 took was dif-
L % treffing
164 The LI F E 01
trefling to me. I had but little hope for ieveral"^ hours together, but that I muft lie out in the woods all night in this diftrefled cafe. But, about nine o'clock, I found a houfe, through the abundant good- ncfs of God, and was kindly entertained. Thus I have frequently been expofed, and fometimes lain out the whole night : But God has hitherto preferv- ed me ; and blefted be his name. Such fatigues and hardlliips as thefe, ferve to wean mc more from the earth ; and, I tnift, will make heaven the fweeter. Formerly, when I was thus expofed to cold, rain, &c. I was ready to pleafe myfelf with the thoughts of enjoying a comfortable houfe, a warm fire, and other outward comforts ; but now thefe have lefs place in my heart, through the grace of God, and my eye is more to God for comfort.
Friday, November 23. — Vifited a fick man -, dif- courfed and prayed with him. Then vilited another houfe, where was one dead and laid out ; looked on the corpfe and longed that my time might come to depart, that I might be with Chriji. Then went home to rny lodgings, about one o'clock. Felt poor- ly ; but was able to read mod of the afternoon.
[Within the fpace of the next twelve days, he paffed under many changes in the frames and exer- cifes of his mind. He had many feafons of the fpecial influence of God's Spirit, animating, invig- orating, and comforting him in the ways of God and duties of religion ; but had fome turns of great dejedion and melancholy. He fpent much time, within this fpace, in hard labour, with others, to make for himfelf a little cottage or hut, to live in by himfelf through the winter.
Thuj'fday, December 6. — Having now a happy op- portunity of being retired in a houfe of my own, which I have lately procured and moved into, and confidering that it is now a long time fince I have
been
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 165
been able, either on account of bodily weaknefs, or for want of retirement, or fome other difficulty, to fpend any time in fecret fading and prayer ; confid- eringalfo thegreatnefs of my work, and the extreme difficulties that attend it ; and that my poor Indi- ans are now worffiiping devils, notwithftanding all the pains I have taken with them, which almoft overwhelms my fpirit : Moreover, confidcring my extreme barrennefs, fpiritual deadnefs,and dejedtion, of late j as alfo the power of fome particular cor- ruptions ; I fat apart this day for fecret prayer and failing, to implore the bleffing of God on myfelf, on my poor people, on my friends, and on the church of God. At firft, I felt a great backward- nefs to the duties of the day, on account of the feeming impoffibility of performing them : But the Lord helped me to break through this difficulty. I enjoyed much more intenfenefs, fervency, and fpir- ituality, than I expected ; God was better to me than my fears. And, towards night, I felt my foul rejoice, that God is unchangeably happy and glori- ous ; that he will be glorified, whatever becomes of his creatures. I was enabled to perlevere in prayer until fome time in the evening ; at which time I faw fo much need of divine help, in every refpedl, that I knew not how to leave off, and had forgot that I needed food. This evening I was much affifted in meditating on Ifai. lii. 3. Blelfed be the Lord for any help in the pad day.
Friday, December 7. — Spent fome time in prayer, in the morning ; enjoyed fome freedom and affec- tion in tlie duty, and had longing defires of being made faithful to the death. Spent a little time in writing on a divine fubjedt : Then vifited the Indi- ans, and preached to them': But under incxpreffi- ble dejection. I had no heart to ipeak to them, and could not do it, but as I forced myfelf : I knew they
L 3 muff
i66 TheLIFEof
muft hate to hear me, as having but juft got home from their idolatrous feaft and devil vvorlhip. In the evening had fome freedom in prayer and med- itation.
Saturday^ December %, — Have been uncommonly free this day from dejedion, and from that diftrelT- ing apprehenfion that I could do nothing : Was en- abled to pray and ftudy with fome comfort ; and efpecially was aflifted in writing on a divine fubje(5t. In the evening my foul rejoiced in God j and I bleffed his name for Ihining on my foul. O the iweet and blelTed change I then felt, when God brought me out of darknefs into his marvellous light.
Lord's Day, December 9. — Preached both parts of the day at a place called Greenwich, in New- Jerfey, about ten miles from my own houfe. In the iirll: difcourfe I had Icarce any warmth or affedtion- ate longing for fouls. In the intermiffion feafon I got alone among the bufhes, and cried to God for pardon of my deadnefs ; and was in anguifh and bitternefs, that 1 could not addrefs fouls with more compaffion and tender affecflion : Judged and con- demned myfclf for want of this divine temper : Though 1 faw I could not get it as of myfelf any more than I could make a world. In the latter exer- cife, blefled be the Lord, I had fome fervency, both in prayer aqd preaching ; and efpecially in the ap- plication of my difcourie was enabled to addrefs pre- cious fouls with afFc(flion, concern, tendernefs and importunity. The Spirit of God, I think, was there; as the effects were apparent, tears, running down many cheeks.
Wednefday, December 12. — Was very weak ; but fomewhat aflifted in fecret prayer, and enabled vvith pleafure and fweetncfs to cry, Cofrie, Lord 'J ejus ! Come^ Lord ^efus ; come quickly. My foul longed for Cod, for the living God. O how delightful it is, to
pray
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 167
pray under fuch fvveet influences ! O how much better is this than one's necelTary food ! I had at this time no difpofition to eat, though late in the morning ; for earthly food appeared wholly taflelefs.
0 how much better is thy love than wine» tlian the fweeteft wine ! I vifited and preached to the Indians in the afternoon j but under much dejection. Found my interpreter under fome concern for his foul ; which was fome comfort to me ; and yet filled me with new care. I longed greatly for his converfion ; lifted up myhcart to God for it while I was talking to him : Came home and poured out my foul to God for him : Enjoyed fome freedom in prayer, and was enabled, I think, to leave all with God.
Thurfdijy, December 13. — Endeavoured to fpend the day \\\ fafting and prayer, to implore the divine blefling, more efpecially on my poor people ; and in particular, I fought for converting grace for my interpreter, and three or four more under fome con- cern for their fouls. I was much difordered in the morning when 1 arofe ; but having determined to fpend the day in this manner, 1 attempted it. Some freedom I had in pleading for thefe poor concerned fouls, feveral times; and when interceding for them,
1 enjoyed greater freedom from wandering and dif- tra<5ting thoughts, than in any part of my fupplica- tions : But in the general was greatly exercifed with wanderings j fo that in the evening it feemed as if I had need to pray for nothing (b much as for the pardon of fins committed in the day pail, and the vilenefs I then found in myfelf. The fins I had mod fenfe of were pride, and wandering thoughts, whereby I mocked God. The former of thefe curfed iniqui- ties excited me to think of writing, or preaching, or converting heathep, or performing fome other great work, that my name might live when I fhould be dead. My foul was in anguifh, and ready to ^rop
L 4 into
i68 • TheLIFEof
into defpair, to find fo much of that curfed temper. With this and the other evil I laboured under, viz. wandering thoughts, 1 was almoft overwhelmed, and even ready to give over ilriving after a fpirit of devotion; and oftentimes funk into a confiderable degree of defpondency, and thought I was 7nore brut^ ijh than any man. Yet after all my forrows, I truft, through grace, this day and the exercifes of it have been for my good, and taught me more of my cor- ruption, and weaknefs without Chrift, than I knew before.
Monday y December 17. — Was fomething comfort- able in mind, moft of the day ; and was enabled to pray with fome freedom, chcerfulnefs, compofure, and devotion j had alfo fome affiftance in writing on a divine fubjedl.
Tuefdayy December 18. — Went to the Indians, and difcourfed to them near an hour, without any pow- er to come clofe to their hearts. Butat laft, 1 felt fome fervency, and God helped me to fpeak with warmth. My interprerer alfo was amazingly allifted ; and I doubt not but the Spirit of God was upon him (though I had no reafon to think he had any true and faving grace, but was only under conyidion of his lofl ftate;} and prefently upon this moft of the grown perfons were much affe&ed, and the tears ran down their cheeks ; and one old man (I fuppofe, an hundred years old) was fo affed:ed, that he wept, and feem- ed convinced of the importance of what I taught them. I ftayed with them a confiderable time, ex- horting and dire(5ling them ; and came away, lifting up my heart to God in prayer and praife, and en- couraged and exhorted my interpreter iojirive to en- ter in at the Jlrait gate. Came home, and fpent moft of the evening in prayer and thankfgiving ; and found myfelf much enlarged and quickened. Was greatly concerned, that the Lord's work, which
feemed
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. i6§
feemed to be begun, might be carried on with pow- er, to the converfion of poor fouls, and the glory of divine grace.
JVednefday, December 19. — Spent a great part of the day in prayer to God for the out pouring of his fpirit on my poor people j as alfo to blefs his name for awakening my interpreter, and fome others, and giving us fome tokens of his prefenceyefterday. And bleffed be God, 1 had much freedom, five or fix times in the day, in prayer and praife, and felt a weighty concern upon my fpirit for the falvation of thole precious fouls, and the enlargement of the Re- deemer's kingdom afnong them. My foul hoped in God for fome fuccefs in my miniftry : And blelT- ed be his name for lb much hope.
Friday, December 21. — Was enabled again to pray with freedom, cheerfulnefs, and hope. God was pleafed to make the duty comfortable and pleafant to me ; fo that I delighted to perfcvere, and repeat- edly to engage in it. Towards noon, vifited my people, and fpent the whole time in the way to them in prayer, longing to fee the power of God among them, as there appeared fomcthing of it the laft Tuefday ; and I found it fvveet to reft and hope in God. Preached to them twice, and at two diftin^ places : Had confiderable freedom, each time, and io had my interpreter. Several of them followed me from one place to the other : And I thought, there were fome divine influences difcernible amongfl them. In the evening, was afTifted in prayer again. BlefTed, blelTed be the Lord.
Lord*s Day, Deconber "^o. — Difcourfed, both parts of the day, from Mark viii. 34. Whojocvcr "rill come after fiie, &c. God gave me very great freedom and clearncfs, and in the afternoon cfpecially, con- fiderable warmth and fervency. In the evening al- fo, had very great clearnefs while convcriing with
friends
I70 The LIFE of
friends on divine things : I do not remember ever to have had more clear apprehenfions of religion in my life : But found a ftruggle, in the evening, with fpiritual pride.
[On Monday he preached again in the fame place with freedom, and fervency ; and rode home to his lodging ; and arrived in the evening, under a con- fiderable degree of bodily illnefs, which continued the two next days. And he complains much of fpiritual emptinefs and barrennefs on thofc days.]
Thurfday^ 'January 3, 1744,5. — Being fenfible of the great want of divine influences, and the out pouring of God*s fpirit, I fpent this day in fafting and prayer, to feek fo great a mercy for myfelf, and my poor people in particular, and for the church of God in general. In the morning, was very lifelefs in prayer, and could get^ fcarce any fenfe of God. Near noon, enjoyed fome fweet freedom to pray that the will of God might in every refped: become mine : And I am perfuaded, it was fo at that time jn fome good degree. In the afternoon, I tvas ex- ceeding weak, and could not enjoy much fervency in prayer, but felt a great degree of dejecftion ; which, I believe, was very much owing to my bodily weak- nefs and diforder.
Lord's Day^ 'January 6. — Was flill diftreffed with vapoury diforders. Preached to my poor Indians ; but had little heart or life. Towards night, my foul was prefTed under a fenfe of my unfaithfulnefs. O the joy and peace that arifes from a fenfe o{ hav- ing obtained mercy of God to be faithful ! And O, the mifery and anguifh that fpring from an apprehen- j[ion of the contrary !
[His dejediion continued the two next days ; but not to fo great a degree onTuefday, when he enjoy- ed fome freedom and fervency in preaching to the Indians.]
M^^ednef^jay^
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 171
Wednefday, January 9.— In the morning, God was pleafed to remove that gloom which has of late oppreffed my mind, and gave me freedom and f weetnefs in prayer. I was encouraged and ftrength- ened, and enabled to plead for grace for myfelf, and mercy for my poor Indians ; and was fweetly af- fifted in my intercefTions with God for others. BlefT- cd be his holy name forever and ever : Amen, and Amen. Thoie things that of late have appeared mod difficult and almoft impoffible, now appeared not on- ly poflible, but eafy. My foul fo much delighted to continue inftant in prayer, at this bleffed feafon, that I had no defire for my necelfary food ; even dreaded leaving off praying at all, left I (hould lofe
I this fpirituality, and this blefTed thankfulnefs toGod which I then felt. I felt now quite willing to live, and undergo all trials that might remain for me in a world of forrow ; but ftill longed for heaven, that I might glorify God in a perfed: manner. O come^
! Lord Jejus, come quickly. Spent the day in reading
' a little j and in fome diverfions, which I was necef- iitated to take by reafon of much weaknefs and dif- order. In the evening, enjoyed fome freedom and
I intenfenefs in prayer.
[The three remaining days of the week, he was very low and feeble in body ; but neverthelefs con- tinued conftantly in the fame comfortable fweet frame of mind, as is exprefled on Wednefday. On the Sabbath, this fvveetnefs and fpiritual alacrity began to abate : But ftill he enjoyed fome degree of com- fort, and had alhftance in preaching to the Indians. On Monday and Tuefday he was in a ftate of dcpref- fion.]
Wednefday, andThurfday, January 16, and 17. — I fpent moft of the time in writing on a fweet divine fubjecl, and enjoyed fome freedom and afliftance. Was likewife enabled to pray more frequently and
fervently
172 The LIFE of
fervently thanufual ; and my foul, I think, rejoiced in God ; efpecially^n the evening of the lad of thefe days : Praife then feemed comely, and 1 delighted to blefs the Lord. O what reafon have I to be thank- ful, that God ever helps me to labour and ftudy for him ! He does but receive his own, when I am ena- bled in any meafure to praife him, labour for him; and live to him. O, how comfortable and fvveet il is, to feel the affiflance of divine grace in the per- formance of the duties God has enjoined us/ Blefi the Lord, O my foul.
[The fame enlargement of heart and joyful frame of foul continued through the next day. But on th( day following it began to decline ; which decay feems to have continued the whole of the next week ; which feems to have continued the week following with an increafe of deje(5lion and melancholy. Yet he enjoyed fome feafons of fpecial and fweet affi fi- ance.]
Lord's Day, February 3. — In the morning, I was fomewhat relieved of that gloom and confufion, that my mind has of late been greatly exercifed with : Was enabled to pray with fome compofure, and comfort. But however, went to my Indians trem- bling ; for my foul remembered the ivormwood and the gall (I might almoft fay the hell) of Friday lafl ; and I was greatly afraid 1 fhould be obliged again to drink of that cup of trembling, which was incon- ceivably more bitter than death, and made me long for the grave more, unfpeakably more, than for hid treafures, yea, inconceivably more than the men of this world long for fuch treafures. But God was pleafed to hear my cries, and to afford me great af- liftance ; fo that I felt peace in my own foul ; and was fatisficd that if not one of the Indians fliould be profited by my preaching, but fliould all be damn- ed, yet I fhould be accepted and rewarded as fnithful ;
for
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 173
for I am perfuaded, God enabled me to be fo. Had feme good degree of help afterwards, at another place ; and much longed for the converfion of the poor Indians. Was fomevvhat refrefhed, and com- fortable, towards night, and in the evening. O that my foul might praife the Lord for his goodnefs^ Enjoyed fome freedom, in the evening, in meditation on Luke xiii. 24.
[In the three next days, he was the fubjedt of much dejection : But the three remaining days of the week feem to have been fpent with much com- pofure and comfort. On the next Sabbath, he preached at Greenwich, in New-Jerfey. In the even- ing, he rode eight miles to vifit a fick man at the point of death, and found him fpeechlefs and fenfe- lefs.]
Monday, February u. — About break of day, the fick man died. I was affedled at the fight : Spent the morning with the mourners ; and after prayer, and fome difcourfe with them, I returned to Green- wich, and preached again from Pfal. Ixxxix. 15. And the Lord gave me ailifliance : I felt a fweet love to fouls, and to the kingdom of Chrfl: ; and longed that poor finners might know the joyful found. Sev- eral perfons were much affecSted. And after meet- ing, I was enabled to difcourfe, with freedom and concern, to fome perfons that applied to me under fpiritual trouble. Left the place fweetly compofed, and rode home to my houfe about eight miles dif- tant. Difcourfed to friends, and inculcated divine truths upon fome. In the evening, was in the mofl: folcmn frame that almoft ever I remember to have experienced : I know not that ever death appeared more real to me, or that ever I faw myfelf in the condition of a dead corpfe, laid out, and dreffed for a lodging in the filcnt grave, fo evidently as at this time. And yet I felt exceeding comfortably : My
mind
174 TheLIFEof
mind was compofed and calm, and death appeared without a fting. I think I never felt fuch an univer- fal mortification to all created objeds as now. O how great and folemn a thing it appeared to die ! O how it lays the greateft honour in the duft ! And O, how vain and trifling did the riches, honours, and pleafures of the world appear ! I could not, I dare; not, fo much as think of any of them ; for death, death, folemn (though not frightful) death appear- ed at the door. O, I could fee myfelf dead, and laid out, and inclofed in my coffin, and put down into the cold grave, with greatell folemnity, but without terror ! 1 fpent moft of the evening, in converfing with a dear chriftian friend : And, blefled be God, it was a comfortable evening to us both. What are friends ? What are comforts ? What are forrows ? What are diftrelTes ? T^he time is jhort : It re?nainsy that they which weep^be as though they wept tiot ; and they which rejoice, as though they rejoiced not ; for the fajhion of this world paffeth away. O cojiie. Lord 'Je- fuSy come quickly : Amen. BlefTed be God for the comforts of the paft day.
Tuefday, February I2. — Was exceeding weak ; but in a fweet refigned, compofed frame, mod of the day : Felt my heart freely go forth after God in prayer.
iVednefday, February 13. — Was much exercifed with vapoury diforders j but ftill enabled to main- tain folemnity, and I think fpirituality.
Thurfday, February 14. — Spent the day in writing on a divine fubjedt : Enjoyed health, and freedom in my work : Had a folemn fenfe of death ; as I have indeed had every day this week, in fomemcaf- ure : What I felt on Monday laft, has been abiding, in fome confiderable degree, ever fince.
Friday y February 15. — 'Was engaged in writing again almofl the whole day. In the evening, was
much
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D, 175
much a ffi fled in meditating on that precious text, Joh. vii. 37. Jefusjiood and criedy &c. I had then a fweet fenfe of the free grace of the gofpel : My foul was encouraged, warmed and quickened, and my defires drawn out after God in prayer : My foul was watchful, and afraid of lofing fo fweet a gueffc as I then entertained. 1 continued long in prayer, and meditation, intermixing one with the other ; and was unwilling to be diverted by any thing at all from fo fweet an exercife. I longed to proclaim the grace I then meditated upon, to the world of finners.
0 how quick and powerful is the word of the blelf- ed God.
[The next day, he complains of great conflitls with corruption, and much difcompofure of mind.]
Lord's Day J February 17. — Preached to the white people (my interpreter being abfent) in the wilder- nefs, upon the funny fide of a hill. Had a confider- able ariembly, confiding of people that lived (at lead many of them) not lefs than thirty miles afunder ; fome of them came near twenty miles. I difcourfed to them, all day, from Joh. vii. 37. ^efus Jood and cried t faying. If any man thirfl^ &c. In the after- noon, it pleafed God to grant me great freedom and fervency in my difcourfe j and I was enabled to im- itate the example of Chrift in the text, who flood and cried. I think I was fcarce ever enabled to offer the free grace of God to perifhing finners with more freedom and plainnefs in my life. And afterwards,
1 was enabled earncitly to invite the children of God to come renewedly, and drink of this fountain of wa- ter of life, from whence they have heretofore deriv- ed unlpeakable fatisfadiion. It was a very comfort- able time to me : There were many tears in the a{- fembly ; and I doubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor finners of their need of Chrift. In the evening, I felt compofed, and com- fortable,
176 Th E L I F E o F
fortable, though much tired : I had fome fvveet fenfe of the excellency and glory of God ; and my foul rejoiced, that he was God over all bleffedforever ; but was too much crowded with company and conver- lation, and longed to be more alone with God. O that I could forever blefs God for the mercy of this day, who anj'wered me in the joy of my heart.
[The reft of this week feems to have been fpent under a decay of this life and joy, and in diftreffing conflid:s with corruption ; but not without fome feafons of refrefhment and comfort.]
hordes Day, February 2^4.-^In the morning, was much perplexed : My interpreter being abfent, I knew not how to perform my work among the In- dians. However, I rode to the Indians, got a Dutch- man to interpret for me, though he was but poorly qualified for the bufinefs. Afterwards, I came and preached to a few white people from Joh. vi. 67. Here the Lord feemed to unburden me in fome meaf- ure ; efpecially towards the clofe of my difcourfe : I felt freedom to open the love of Chriji to his own dear difciples ; When the reft of the world forfakes him, and are forfaken by him, that he calls them no more, he then turns to his own, and fays, Willye alfo go away ? I had a fenfe of the free grace of Chrift to his own people, in fuch feafons of general appfta- {ji and when they themfelves in fome meafureback- flide with the world. O the free grace of Chrift, that he feafonably minds his people of their danger of backfliding, and invites them to perfevere in their adherence to himfelf ! I faw that backfliding fouls, who feemed to be about to go away with the world, might return, and welcome, to him immediately ; without any thing to recommend them ; notwith- ftanding all their former backflidings. And thus my difcourfe was fuited to my own foul's cafe : For, of late, I have found a great want of this fenfe and
apprehenfion
1
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 177
apprehenfion of divine grace ; and have often been greatly diftrejGTed in my own foul, becaufe I did not fuitabjy apprehend i\\\s fountain ope?ied to purge a'way jin ; and fo have been too much labouring for Ipiritual jiro, peace of confciencc, and progreffive hoiineis, in my own ftrength : But now God flicwed me, in Co-.^ic meafure, the arm of all ftrength, and the foun- tain of all grace. In the evening, I felt folemn, de- vout, and fweet, refting on free grace for afliftance, acceptance, and peace of confcience.
[Within the fpace of the next nine days, he had frequent refretbing, invigorating influences of God*s fpirit ; attended with complaint of dulnefs, and with longings after fpiritual life and holy fervency.]
JVednefJi^y, March 6. — Spent mott of the day in preparing for a journey to New-England. Spent fome time in prayer, with a fpecial reference to my intended journey. Was afraid I (bould forfake the fountain of living ivaters, and attempt to derive fatis- fad:ion from broken cijierns^ my dear friends and ac- quaintance, with whom I migh-t meet in my journey. I looked to God to keep me from this vanity in ipe- cial, as well as others. Towards night, and in the evening, was vifited by fome friends, fome of whom, I trufl, were real chrirtians ; who difcovercd an af- fedcionate regard to me, and i'eemed grieved that I was about to leave them ; efpecially feeing I did not expert to make any confiderable flay among them, it I flioiild live to return from New-England*. O how kind has God been to me ! How has he raifed up friends in every place, where his providence has called me ! Friends are a great 'comfort ; and it is God that gives them j it is he makes them friendly to me. Blcf the Lord, O my foul, and forget not all his benefits.
M [The
.. *^^'/«^'P-' he had a de '".gt,, ;,y what aficrwards appears, t« remove and live among the ladiaas at Sufcjuchaanah river,- . *» *
178 TheLIFEof
[The next day, he fet out on his journey ; and it was about five weeks before he returned. The fpe^ cial defign of this journey, he himfelf declares after- wards, in his Diary for March 21. Where, fpeak- ing of his converfing with a certain minifler in New- England, he fays thus. Contrived with him how to raife fome money among chriftian friends, in o.tder to fupport a colleague with me in the wildernefs, (I having now fpent two years in a very folitary man- ner) that we might be together ; as Chrifl: lent out his difciples, two and two : And as this was the principal concern I had in view, in taking this jour- ney, fo I took pains in it, and hope God will fuc- ceed it if for his glory. He firft went into various parts of New-]erfey, and viiited feveral minifters there : And then went to New-York ; and from thence into New-England, going to various parts of Connedlicut : And then returned into New-Jerfey. He met a number of miniflers at Woodbridge, who (he fays) met there to confult about the affairs of Chrifl: 's kingdom, in fome important articles. He feems, for themolT: part, to have been free from mel- ancholy in this journey ; and many times to have had extraordinary affiftance in publick miniftrations, and his preaching fometimes attended with very hopeful appearances of a good effect on the audito- ry. He alfo had many feafons of fpecial comfort and fpiritual refreflimcnt, in converfation with min- iflers and other chriftian friends, and alio in medita- tion and prayer by himfelf alone.]
Saturday^ April 13. — Rode home to my own houfe at the Forks of Delaware : Was enabled to remem- ber the goodnefs of the Lord, who has now prefervcd me while riding full fix hundred miles in this jour- ney ; has kept me that none of my bones have been broken. BlcfTed be the Lord, who has preferved me in this tedious journey, and returned me in fafety to
my
Mr. DAVID BRA I NERD. 179
my own houfe. Verily it is God that has upheld me, and guarded my goings.
Lord's Day, April 14. — Was difordered in body with the fatigues of my late journey j but was ena- 1^ bled however to preach to a confiderable aflembly of
white people, gathered from all parts round about, with fome freedom, from Ezek. xx:^iii. 11. As 1 live, faith the Lord God, &c. had much more aiiifl- ance than I expected.
[This week, he went a journey to Philadelphia, in order to engage the governour there to ule his in- tereft with the chief man of the Six Nations, (with whom he maintained a ftricl friendfliip) that he would give him leave to live at Sufquehannah, and inftriid: the Indians that are within their territories. In his way to and from thence, he lodged with Mr. Beaty, a young Prefbyterian minifter. He fpeaks of feafons of fvveet fpiritual refrertmient, that he en- joyed at his lodgings.]
Saturday, April 20. — Rode with Mr. Beaty to Abington, to attend Mr. Treat's adminiftration of the facrament, according to the method of the church of Scotland. When we arrived, we found Mr. Treat preaching : Afterwards I preached a fermon from Matth. v. 3. Blejfed are the poor infpirit, &g. God was. pleafed to give me great treedom and tender- nefs, both in prayer and fermon : The aJTembly was fweetly melted, and fcores were all in tears. It was, as I then hoped and was afterwards abundantly fatisfi- ed by converfing with them, a word f poke n infeafo?!^ to many weary Jot/Is. 1 was extremely tired, and my fpirits much exhaufted, fothat I could fcarcely fpeak loud j yet I could not help rejoicing in God.
Lord's Day, April 21 . — In the morning, was calm and compofed, and had fome outgoings of foul after God in fecret duties, and longing defires of his pref-* ence in the fand:uary and at his table j that his pref-
M 2 ence
i8o TheLIFEof
ence might be in the affembly ; and that his children might be entertained with a feaji of fat things. In the forenoon, Mr. Treat preached. I felt fome af- fecflion and tendernefs in the fea(bn of the adminif- tration of the ordinance. Mr. Beaty preached to the multitude abroad, who could not half have crowded into the meeting houfe. In the feafon of the com- munion, 1 had comfortable and fweet apprehenfions of the blifsful communion of God's people, when they fhall meet at their father's table in his kingdom, in a ftatc of perfecftion. In the afternoon, I preach- ed abroad to the whole affembly, from Rev. xiv. 4. Thefe are they that follow the La?nb, &c. God was pleafed again to give me very great freedom and clearnefs, but not fo much warmth as before. How- ever, there was a moft amazing attention in the "whole affembly ; and, as I was informed afterwards, this was a fweet feafon to many.
Mo?jday, April 10,. — I enjoyed fome fweetnefs in retirement, in the morning. At eleven o'clock Mr. Beaty preached, with freedom and life. Then I preached from Job. vii. 37. and concluded the fo- lemnit}'-. Had fome freedom ; but not equal to what I had enjoyed before : Yet in the prayer, the Lord enabled me to cry (I hope) with a child like temper, with tendernefs, and brokennefs of heart. Came home with Mr. Beaty to his lodgings ; and fpent the time, while riding, and afterwards, very agreeably on divine things.
Tuefday, April 23. — Left Mr. Beaty's, and re- turned home to the Forks of Delaware : Enjoyed fome fweet meditations, on the road, and was enabled to lift up my heart to God in prayer and praife.
[The two next days, he fpeaks of much bodily diforder, but of fome degrees of fpiritual afliftance and freedom.]
Friday J
Mr. DAVID BRAIN ERD. i8i
Friday, April id. — Converfed with a chriftian friend with fome warmth ; and felt a fpirit of mor- tification to the world, in a very great degree. Af- terwards, was enabled to pray fervently and to rely- on God fweetly, for all things pertaining to life and godlinefs. J aft in the evening, was vifited by a dear chriftian friend, with whom I fpent an hour or two in converfation, on the very foul of religion. There are many with whom I can talk about religion : Rut alas, I find few with whom I can talk religion itfelf : But, blefled be the Lord, there are fome that love to feed on the kernel, rather than the fliell.
[The next day he went to the Irifh fettlement, often before mentioned, about fifteen miles diflant ; where he fpent the Sabbath, and preached with fome confiderablf! affiflance. On Monday, he re- turned, in a very weak ftate, Xo his own lodgings.]
Tuefday, April y). — Was fcarceable to walk about, and was obliged to betake myfelf to the bed, much of the day ; and fpent away the time in a very foli- tary manner ; being neither able to read, meditate, nor pray, and had none to converfe with in that wil- dernefs. O, how heavily docs time pais away, when I can do nothing to any good purpofe ; but feem obliged to trifle away precious time ! But of late, I have feen it my duty to divert myfelf by all lawful means, that I may be fit, at ieaft fome fmall part of my time, to labour for God. And here is the dif- ference between niy prefent diverfions, and thofe f once purfued, when in a natural ftate. Then I made a god of diverfions, delighted in them with a neg- led of God, and drew my highefi: fatisfadion from them : Now I ufe them as means to help me in liv- ing to God ; fi.xed'y delighting in him, and not in them, drawing my higheft fatisfadion from him. Then they were my all ; now they are only means leading to my all. And thofe things that arc the M 3 greateft
j&z T H E L I F E o F
greateft diverfion, when purfued with this view, do not tend to hinder, but promote my fpirituahty ; and 1 fee now, more than ever, that they are abiolutely necefTary.
Wednefday.May i . — Was not able to fit up more than half the day ; and yet had fuch recruits of ftrength fometimes, that I was able to write a little on a divine iubjedl. Was grieved that I could no more live to God. In the evening, had fome fvveetnefs and in- tenfenefs in fecret prayer.
Thtirfday, May 2. — In the evening, being a little better in health, I walked into the woods, and enjoy- ed a fvveet feafon of meditation and prayer. My thoughts run upon Pfal. xvii. 15. I jhall be fatisfi^ edi when I awake with thy likenej's. And it was in- deed a precious text to me. I longed to preach to the whole world : And it feemed to me, they muft needs all be melted in hearing fuch precious divine truths, as I had then a view and relifh of. My thoughts were exceeding clear, and my foul was re- frefhed. BlefTed be the Lord, that in my late and prefent weaknefs, now for many days together, my mind is not gloomy, as at fome other times.
Friday, May 3. — Felt a little vigour of body and mind, in the morning : Had fome freedom, ftrength, and fweetnefs in prayer. Rode to and fpent fome time with my Indians. In the evening, again retir- ing into the woods, I enjoyed fome fvveet medita- tions on Ifai. liii. 10. Tet it pleafedthe Lord to bruife hinu &c.
[The three next days were fpent in much weak- nefs of body : But yet he enjoyed fome affiftance in publick and private duties : And feems to have re- mained free from melancholy.] -
Tuejdayy May 7. — Spent the day mainly in mak- ing preparation for a journey into the wildernefs. Was ftill weak, and concerned how I fhould perforn^
fo
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 183
fo difficult a journey. Spent fome time in prayer for the divine blefling, direction and prote<^ion in my intended journey ; but wanted bodily ftrengthto fpend the day in falling and prayer.
[The next day, he fet out on his journey to Sufque- hannah, with his interpreter. He endured great hard- fliips and fatigues in his way thither through a hid- eous wilderneTs ; where, after havinglodged one night in the open woods, he was overtaken with a northeail- crly ftorm, in which he was almoft ready to perifh. Having no manner of flielter, and not being able to make a fire in fo great a rain, he could have no com- fort if he {topped ; therefore determined to go for- ward, in hopes of meeting with fome flielter, with- out which he thought it impolfible he Ihould live the night through : But their horfes happening to have eat poifon for want of other food, at a place where they lodged the night before, v;ere fo fick that they could neither ride nor lead them, but were obliged to drive them before them, and travel on foot; until, through the mercy of God, jufl at dulk, they came to a bark hut, where they lodged that night. After he came to Sufquehannah, he travel- led about the length of an hundred miles on the riv- er, and vifited many towns and fettlements of the Indians ; faw fome of feven or eight diflind: tribes ; and preached to different nations, by different inter- preters. He was fomctimes much difcouraged, and funk in his fpirits, through the oppofition that ap- peared in the Indians to chriftianity. At other times, he was encouraged by the difpofition that fome of thefe people manifefled to hear, and wiliingnefs to be inftruded. He here met with fome that had for- merly been his hearers at Kaunaumeek, and had re- moved hither ; who faw and heard him again with great joy. He fpent a fortnight among the Indians on this river ; and pafTed through considerable la, M 4 hours* '
1^4 TheLIFEof
hours and hardfhips, frequently lodging on the ground, and fometimes in the open air ; and at length he fell extremely ill, as he was riding in the wildernefs, being feized with an ague, followed with a burning fever, and extreme pains in his head and bowels, attended with a great evacuation of blood ; fo that he thought he mufl: have perifhed in the wildernefs : But at lall coming to an Indian tra- der's hut, he got leave to flay there ; and though without phyfick or food proper for him, it pleafcd God, after about a week's diflrefs, to relieve him fo far that he was able to ride. He returned home- w-ards from Juncauta, an Ifland far down the river ; where was a confiderable number of Indians, who appeared m.ore free from prejudices againflchriflian- ity than mofl of the other Indians. He arrived at the Forks of Delaware on Thurfday, May 30, after having rode in this journey about three hundred and forty miles. He came home in a very v/eak flate, and under dejed;ion of mind ; which was a great hindrance to him in religious exercifes. — However, on the Sabbath, after having preached to the Indians, he preached to the white people, with fome fuccefs, from Ifai. liii. 10. I^et it pleaf- cd the Lord to bruij'e him. Sec. fome being awak- ened by his preaching. The next day, he v.'as much exercifed for want of fpiritual life and fer- vency.]
Ti^e/day, ^une 4, — Towards evening was in dif- trefs for God's prefence and a fenfe of divine things : Withdrew myfelf to the woods, raid fpent near an hour in prayer and meditation ; and I think the Lord had compafTion on me, and gave mc fome fenfe of divine things ; which was indeed refrefh- ing and quickening to me : My foul enjoyed in- tenfenefs and freedom in prayer, fo that it grieved mc tpjeave the place.
JVedne/daVf
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 185
Wednefday^ "June 5. — Felt thirfting delires after God, in the morning. In the evening enjoyed a pre- cious feafon of retirement : Was favoured with iome clear and fvveet meditations upon a facred text : Divine things opened with clearnefs and certainty, and had a divine ftamp upon them. My foul was alfo enlarged and refrcdied in prayer ; and I delight- ed to continue in the duty ; and was fvveetly affifb- ed in praying for fellow chriftians, and my dear brethren in the miniflry. BlefTed be the dear Lord for fuch enjoyments. O how fvveet atid precious it is, to have a clear apprehenfion and tender fenfe of the 7iiyjlery of godlinej's ^ of true holinefs, and likenefs to the beft of beings ! O what a bleilednefs it is, to be as much like God as it is poflible for a creature to be like his great Creator ! Lord give me more of thy likenefs : 1 fliall be fatisfed, ivben I awake ivith it.
Thuifdiiy, '^une 6. — Was engaged a confiderabie part of the day, in meditation and fludy on divine fubjecls. Enjoyed fome fpecial freedom, clearnefs, and fvveetnefs in meditation. O how refrefliing it is, to be enabled to improve time well !
[The next day he went a journey of near fif- ty miles, to Neiliaming, to affift at a facramental occafion, to be attended at Mr. Beaty's meet- ing houfe J being invited thither by him and his people.]
Saturday^ 'June 8. — Was exceeding weak and fa- tigued with riding in the heat yefterday : But being defired, 1 preached in the afternoon, to a crowded audience, from Ifai. xl. i. Con fort ye, co?vfortye tny people, faith your God. God was pleafed to give me great freedon^ in opening the forrows of God*s peo- ple, and in letting before them comforting confid- erations. And blelTed be the Lord, it was a fwcet ITielting feafon in the afTembly.
Lord's
i86 T H E L I F E o F
Lord's Day^ 'June 9. — Felt fome longing defires of the prefence of God to be with his people on the foU emn occafion of the day. In the forenoon Mr. Beaty preached ; and there appeared fome warmth in the affembJy. Afterwards I affifted in the adminiftra- tion of the Lord*s Supper : And towards the clofe of it, I difcoiirfed to the multitude extempore, with fome reference to that facred paffage, Ifai. liii. lO. Tet it pleafed the Lord to bruife hiin. Here God gave me great aHiflance in addrefTmg finners : And the word was attended with amazing power ; ma- ny fcores, if not hundreds, in that great affembly, conflfting of three or four thoufiind, were much af- fected ; fo that there was a very great mournings like the mourning of Hadadrimmon . In the evening I could hardly look any body in the flice, becaufe of the imperfedions I faw in my performances in the day paft.
Monday, June 10.— Preached with a good degree of clearnefs and with fome fweet warmth, from Pfal. xvii. 15. IJhallbeJatisJiedy when 1 awake with thy likenefs. And bleffcd be God, there was a great io- lemnity and attention in the affembly, and fweet refrelhment among God*s people ; as was evident then and afterwards.
Tuefday, June n. — Spent the day mainly in con- verfation with dear chriftian friends ; and enjoyed fome fweet fenfe of divine things. O how defira- ble it is, to keep company with God*s dear children ! Thefe are the excellent ones of the earth, in whom, I can truly fay, is all my delight. O what delight will it afford, to meet them all in a ftate of pcrfedtion ! Lord, prepare me for that ftate.
[The next day he left Mr. Bcaty^s, and went to Maidenhead in New-Jerfey ; and fpent ni"ft next feven days in a comfortable ftate of mind, vifiting feveral minifters ill thofc parts.]
Tuefdayy
Mr. DA VI D BR A I NERD. 187
I'uefday, 'June 18, — Set out from New-Brunfwick with a defign to vilit fbme Indians at a place called Crofweekfung in New-Jerfey, towards the fea. In the afternoon, came to a place called Cranber- ry, and meeting with a ferious minifter, Mr. M'Night, I lodged there with him. Had fome en- largement and freedom in prayer with a number of people.
PART
m T H E LI F E o F
PART VII.
From bis jirjl beginning to preach to the Indians at Crosweeksung, until be returned from his lajl journey to Susquehannah /// with the confump- tion, 'whereof he died.
[T yf 7E are now come to that part of Mr Brainerd's V V life wherein he had his greateil fuccefs, in bis labours for the good of fouls, and in his particu- lar bufinefs as a Millionary to the Indians. An ac- count of which, if here publiflied, would doubtlefs be very entertaining to the reader, after he has fecn by the preceding parts of this account of his life, how great and long continued his defires for the fpir- itual good of this fort of people were, how he pray- ed, laboured and wreftled, and how much he deni- ed himfelf and fufFered, to this end. After all Mr. Brainerd*s agonizing in prayer, and travelling in birth, for the converfion of Indians, and all the in- terchanges of his raifed hopes and expedtations, and then difappointments and difcouragemcnts ; and af- ter waiting in a way of perfevering prayer, labour and fuffering,' as it were through a long night, at length the day dawns : Weeping continues for a nighty but joy comes in the morning. He li^ent forth weepings bearing precious feed^ and now he comes zvith rejoicings bringing his fJoeaves with him. The defir- cd event is brought to pafs at laft ; but at a time, in a place, and upon fubjeds, that fcarce ever entered into his heart. An account of the whole fcene the reader will find in the annexed journal.]
Wedncfday^
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 189
Wednejday, ^une 19^ 1745- — Rode to the Indians at Crofweekfung : Found few at home; difcourfcd to them however ; and obferved them very ferious and attentive. At night I was extremely worn out, and fcarce able to walk or (it up. O how tirefome is earth ! How dull the body !
Friday, Ju?ie 2i. — Rode to Freehold, to fee Mr. William Tennent ; and fpent the day comfortably with him. My linking fpirits were a little raifed and encouraged ; and I felt my foul breathing after God, in the midft of chriftian converfation. And in the evening was refrcfhed in fecret prayer : Saw myfelf a poor worthlefs creature, without wifdom to direct or itrength to help myfelf. O blefled be God, that lays me under a happy, a bleffed neceflity of living upon himfelf !
[In the five next days is nothing remarkable in his diary, but what is in his publick journal.]
Thurjday, ^june 27. — My foul rejoiced to find that God enabled me to be faithful, and that he was pleafed to awaken thefe poor Indians by my means. O how heart reviving, and foul refrefliing is it to mc to fee the fruit of my labours !
Fridjy, June 28. — In the evening my foul was revived and my heart lifted up to God in prayer, for my poor Indians, myfelf and friends, and the dear church of God. And O how refrefliing, how fweet was this ! Blefs the Lord, O my foul, and forget not his goodnefs and tender mercy,
Saturday, 'June2g. — Preached twice to the Indians ; and could not but wonder at their ferioufnefs, and the ftrictnefs of their attention. Bleiled be God that has inclined their hearts to hear. And O how re- frefhing it is to me, to fee them attend with fuch uncommon diligence and affection, with tears in their eyes, and concern in their hearts ! In the even- ing could not but lift up my heart to God in prayer,
while
190 The life of
while riding to my lodgings : And blefTed be his name, had afliftance and freedom. O how much better than life is the prefence of God !
[His Diary gives an account of nothing remarkable on the two next days, befides what is in his publick journal ; excepting his heart*s being lifted up with thankfulnefs, rejoicing in God, &c.]
Tuefday^ 'July 2. — Rode from the Indians to Brunf- wick, near forty miles, and lodged there. Felt my heart drawn out after God in prayer, almoft all the forenoon ; efpccially while riding. And in the evening could not help crying to God for thofe poor Indians ; and after I went to bed, my heart continu- ed to go out to God for them, until I dropped afleep. O blefTed be God that I may pray !
[He was fo beat out by conftant preaching to thefe Indians, yielding to their earneft and importunate defires, that he found it nccelTary to give himfelf fome relaxation. He fpent, therefore, about a week in New-Jerfey, after he left thefe Indians, vifiting leveral miniflers, and performing fome necefTary bufinefs, before he went to the Forks of Delaware. And though he was very weak in body, yet he feems to have been flrong in fpirit. On Friday, July 12, he arrived at his own houfe in the Forks of Dela- ware ; continuing ftill free from melancholy ; from day to day, enjoying freedom, affiflance and refrefh- ment in the inner man. But on Wednefday, the next week, he feems to have had fome mel- ancholy thoughts about his doing fo little for God ; being fo much hindered by weaknefs of body.]
Thurfday^ July 18. — Longed to fpend the little inch of time 1 have in the world more for God. Felt a fpirit of ferioufnefs, tendernefs, fweetnefs, and de- votion, and widied to fpend the whole night in prayer and communion with God,
Friday,
i
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD 191
Friday, ^"july 19. — In the evening, walked abroad for prayer and meditation, and enjoyed compofure and freedom in thefe fvveet exercifes ; efpecially in meditation on Rev. iii. 12. Him that overcometh, will I ?nake a pillar in the temple of my God, &;c. This was then a delightful them.e to me, and it refreshed my fold to dwell upon it. O, when (liall I go ?io more out from the fcrvice and enjoyment of the dear Lord ? Lord, haft en the bleffed day.
[Within the fpace of the next fix days, he fpeaks of much inward refreihment and enlargement from time to time.]
Friday, '^uly 26. — In the evening, God was pleaf- ed to help me in prayer, beyond what I have expe- rienced for fpme time ,- efpecially my foul was drawn out for the enlargement of Chrift's kingdom, and for the converfion of my poor people ; and my foul relied on God for the accompliQiment of that great work. O, how fvveet were the thoughts of death to mc at this time ! O, how I longed to be with Chrift, to be employed in the glorious work of angels, and with an angel's freedom, vigour and delight ! And yet how willing was I to ftay a while on earth, that I might do fomething, if the Lord plcafed, for his intereft in the world ! My foul, my very foul, longed for the ingathering of the poor heathen ; and I cried to God for them moft willingly and heartily ; and yet becaufe I could not but cry. This was a fweet feafon ; for I had fome lively tafte of heaven, and a temper of mind fuited in fome meafure to tlie employments and entertainments of it. My foul was grieved to leave the place ; but my body was weak and worn out, and it was near nine o'clock. O, I longed that the remaining part of my life might be filled up with more fervency and activ- ity in the things of God ! O, tht inward peace, com- pofure, and God like ferenity of fuch a frame !
Heaven
IQ2 The life of
Heaven mufl needs differ from this only in degree, and not in kind. Lord ever give me this bread of life.
[Much of this frame feemed to continue the next day.]
Lord's Day, Ju/y 28. — In the evening my foul was melted, and my heart broken, with a fenfc of pail: barrennefs and deadncfs : And O, how I then longed to live to God, and bring forth much fruit to his glory !
Monday, fuly 29. — Was much exercifcd with a fenfeof vilenefs, \\\i\\ guilt and Ihame betore God.
[On Wednefday, July 31, he fetout on his return to Crofvveekfung, and arrived there the next day. In his way thither, he had longing delires that he might come to the Indians there, i?i the fuhiefs of the bleff- ing of the gofpel of Chriji \ attended with aienfe of his own great weakncfs, dependence and worthleffnefs.]
Friday, Augiifl 2. — In the evening I retired, and my foul was drawn out in prayer to God ; ef peciaU ly for my poor people, to whom I had fent word that they might gather together, that I might preach to them the next day. I was much enlarged in pray- ing for their faving converfion ; and fcarce ever found my defires of any thing of this nature fo fen- fibly and clearly (to my own fluisfadiion) difinter- efted, and free from felfifli views. It feemed to me, I had no care, or hardly any defire to be the inftru- ment of fo glorious a work, as I wilhed and prayed for among the Indians : If the blelfed work might be accomplifhed to the honour of God, and the en- largement of the dear Redeemer's kingdom, this was all ray defire and care ; and for this mercy i hoped, but with trembling ; for I felt what Job cxprefles, chapter ix. 16. My rifing hopes, rcfpefiting the converfion of the Indians, have been {o often dafli- ed, that my fpirit is as it were broken, and courage wafted, and I hardly dare hope.
[Concerning
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 193
[Concerning his labours and marvellous fuccefs amongft the Indians, for the following (ixteen days, let the reader fee his Journal. The things worthy of note in his Diary, not there publifhed, are his earn- eft and importunate prayers for the Indians, and the travail of his foul for them from day to day ; and his great refrefhment and joy in beholding the wonder- ful mercy of God, and the glorious manifeftations of his power and grace in his work among them ; and his ardent thankfgivings to God ; his heart's re- joicing in Chrift, as king of his church, and king of his foul, in particular at the facrament of the Lord^s fupper, at Mr. M'Night*s meeting houfe ; a fenfe of his own exceeding unworthinefs ; which fome- times was attended with dejecftion and melancholy.]
Monday, Augufl 19. — Near noon I rode to Free- hold and preached to a confiderable affembly, from Matth. V. 3. It pleafed God to leave me to be very dry and barren ; fo that I do not remember to have been fo flraitened for a whole twelve month paft. God is juft, and he has made my foul acquiefce in his will in this regard. It is contrary to flefi and blood to be cut off from all freedom, in a large audi- tory, where their expectations are much raifed ; but fo it was with me : And God helped me to fay Amen to it ; Good is the will of the Lord, In the evening I felt quiet and compofed, and had freedom and comfort in fecret prayer.
Tuefday, Augufl 20. — Was compofed and com- fortable, flill in a refigned frame. Travelled from Mr. Tennent's in- Freehold, to Elizabeth- Town. Was refrelhed to fee friends, and relate fo them what God had done, and was flill doing among my poor people.
Wednefday, Augufl 21.— Spent the forenoon in converfation with Mr. Dickinfon, contriving fomc- thing for the fettlement of the Indians together in 2.
N body,
194 The LIFE of
body, that they might be under better advantages for inftrudlion. In the afternoon, fpent time agreea- bly with other friends ; wrote to my brother at col- lege : But was grieved that time flid away, while I did fo little for God.
Friday, Auguji i^. — In the morning was very weak; but favoured with fome freedom and fweetnefs in prayer : Was compofed and comfortable in mind. After noon rode to Crofweekfung to my poor people.
Saturday, Auguji 24. — Had compofure and peace, while riding from the Indians to my lodgings : Was enabled to pour out my foul to God for dear friends in New-England. Felt a fweet tender frame of fpirit : My foul was compofed and refrefhed in God. Had likewife freedom and earneftnefs in praying for my dear people : BlefTed be God. O the peace of God that pajj'eth ailunderjianding. It is impolfible to defcribe the fweet peace of confcience, and ten- dernefs of foul, I then enjoyed. O the blelTed fore- taftes of heaven !
Lord's Day, AuguJI 25. — I rode to my lodgings in the evening, bleffing the Lord for his gracious vifit- ation of the Indians, and the foul refrelhing things I had feen the day pad amongfl them, and praying that God would flill carry on his divine work among them.
Monday, AuguJI 26. — I went from the Indians to my lodgings, rejoicing for the goodnefs of God to my poor people ; and enjoyed freedom of foul in prayer, and other duties, in the evening. Blefs the Lord, O my foul.
[The next day he fetout on a journey towards the Forks of Delaware, defigning to go from thence to Sufquehannah, before he returned to Crofweekfung. It was five days from his departure from Crofweek- fung before he reached the Forks, going round by the way of Philadelphia, and v/aiting on the govern-
our
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 19^
our of Pennfylvania, to get a recommendation from him to the chiefs of the Indians ; which he obtained. He fpeaks of much comfort and fpiritual refrefh- ment in this journey ; and alfo a fenfe of his exceed- ing unworthinefs» thinking himfelf the meanefl creature that ever Hved.]
Lord's Day, September i . — "[At the Forks of Dela- ware.] God gave me the fpirit of prayer, and it was a bleffed feafon in that refped:. My foul cried to God for mercy, in an affectionate manner. In the evening alfo my foul rejoiced in God.
[His private Diary has nothing remarkable, for the two next days, but what is in his Journal.]
Wednefday , September 4. — Rode fifteen miles to an Irifh fettlement, and preached there from Luke xiv. 22. And yet there is roo?n. God was pleafed to afford me fome tcndernefs and enlargement in the firfl prayer, and much freedom, as well as warmth, in fermon. There were many tears in the alTembly : The people of God feemed to melt, and others to be in fome meafure awakened. BlefTedbe the Lord, that lets me fee his work going on in one place and another.
Lord's Day, September 8. — In the evening God was pleafed to enlarge me in prayer, and give me freedom at the throne of grace : 1 cried to God for the enlargement of his kingdom in the world, and in' particular among my dear people ; was alfo enabled to pray for many dear n^iniftersof my acquaintance, both in thefe parts, and in New-England ; and alfo for other dear friends in New-England. And my foul was fo engaged and enlarged in that fweet cx- ercife, that I fpent near an hour in it, and knew not how to leave the mercy feat. O, how I delight- ed to pray and cry to God 1 I faw God was both able and willing to do all that I delired/for myfelf and friends, and his church in general. I was like- wife much enlarged and afTifled in family prayer.
N 3 And
196 The life of
And afterwards, when I was juft going to bed, God helped me to renew my petitions with ardency and freedom. O, it was to me a bleffed evening of prayer. Blcfs the Lord, O my foul.
[The next day he fet out from the Forks of Dela- ware to go to Sufquehannah. And on the fifth day of his journey, he arrived at Shaumoking, a large Indian town on Sufquehannah river. He perform- ed the journey under aconfiderable degree of melan- choly, occafioned at firft by his hearing that the Moravians were gone before him to the Sufquehan- nah Indians.]
Saturday^ September 14. — [At Shaumoking.] In the evening my foul was enlarged and fweetly en- gaged in prayer ; efpecially that God would fet up his kingdom in this place, where the devil now reigns in the mod eminent manner. And I was en- abled to afk this for God, for his glory, and becaufe I longed for the enlargement of his kingdotn, to the honour of his dear name. I could appeal to God with the greateft freedom, that he knew it was his dear caufe, and not my own, that engaged my heart : And my foul cried, Lord, fet up thy kingdom, for thine own glory. Glorify thyfelf; and 1 fhall rejoice. Get honour to thy bleffed name ; and this is all I defire. Do with me jud: what thou wilt. BlefTed be thy name forever, that thou art God, and that thou wilt glorify thyfelf. O that the whole world might glorify thee. O let thefe poor people be brought to know thee, and love thee, for the glory of thy dear ever bleffed name. I could not but hope that God would bring in thefe miferable wicked Indians ; though there appeared little human probability of it, ior they were then dancing and revelling, as if poffeffed by the devil. But yet I hoped, though againft hope, that God would be glorified, and that God*s name would be glorified by thefe poor Indi- ans.
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 197
ans. I continued long in prayer and praife to God ; and had great freedom, enlargement and fweetnefs, remembering dear friends in New-England, as well as the people of my charge. Was entirely free from that dejedlion of fpirit, with which 1 am frequently exercifed : BlefTed be God.
[His Diary, from this time through feveral days, is not legible, by reafon of the badnels of the ink.]
JVednefdayj September 25. — Rode ftill homeward. In the forenoon enjoyed freedom and intenfenefs of mind in meditation on Job xlii. 5. 6. I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear ; but now mine eye fee th thee : Wherefore I abhor my f elf and repent in diifi and afhes. The Lord gave me clearnefs to penetrate in- to the fweet truths contained in that text. It was a comfortable and fweet feafon to me.
Friday, September 27. — Spent confiderable time, in the morning, in prayer and praife to God. My mind was fomewhat intenfe in the duty, and my heart in fome degree warmed with a fenfe of divine things. My foul was melted, to think, that God had accounted me faithful , putting me into the minifiryy notwithftanding all my barrennefs and deadnefs. My foul was alfo in fome meafure enlarged in prayer for the dear people of my charge, as well as for other dear friends. In the afternoon vifited fome chri{- tian friends, and fpent the time, I think, profitably : My heart was warmed, and more engaged in the things of God. In the evening I enjoyed enlarge- ment, warmth, and comfort in prayer : My foul relied on God for afTidance and grace to enable mc Ko do fomething in his caufe : My heart was drawn out in thankfulnefs to God for what he had done for his own glory among my poor people ot late : And I felt encouraged to proceed m his work, being perfuaded of liis power, and hoping his arm might be further rtnrj/t'j', for the enlargement of his
N 3 dear
198 TheLIFEof
dear kingdom : And my foul rejoiced in hope of t}j€ glory ofGody in hope of the advancement of his de- clarative glory in the world, as well as of enjoying him in a world of glory. O, blefled be God, the living God, forever !
[He continued in this comfortable fweet frame of mind the two next days. On the day following he ■went to his own houfe, in the Forks of Delaware, and continued ftill in the fame frame. The next day, which was Tuefday, he vifited his Indians. Wed- nefday he fpent moftly in writing the meditations he had had in his late journey to Sufquehannah. On Thurfday he left the Forks of Delaware, and travelled towards Crofweekfung, where he arrived on Saturday (October 5) and continued from day to day in a com- fortable flate of mind. There is nothing material in his Diary for this day and the next, but what is in his Journal.]
Monday, 05lober 7. — Being called by the church and people of Eaft- Hampton, on Long-Ifland, as a member of a council, to affifl and advife in affairs of difficulty in that church, I fet out on my journey this morning, before it was well light, and travelled to Elizabeth-Town, and there lodged. Enjoyed fome comfort on the road, inconverfation with Mr. William Tennent, who was fent for on the fame bufinefs.
[He profecuted his journey with the other minif- ters that were fent for; and did not return until Oc- tober 24. While he was at Eaft- Hampton, the im- portance of the bufinefs that the council v/ere comp upon, lay with fuch weight on his mind, and he was fo concerned for the intereft of religion in that place, that he flept but little for feveral nights fucceflively. In his way to and from Eafl-Hampton, he had fev- eral feafons of fweet refrefliment, wherein his foul was enlarged and comforted with divine confolations^
in
Mr. DAVID BRAIN ERD 199
in fecret retirement ; and he had fpecial afliftance in publick minifterial performances in the houfe of God ; and yet, at the fame time, a fenfc of extreme vilenefs and unprofitablenefs.]
Monday^ Otiober 28. — Had an evening of fweet refreftiing ; my thoughts w^re raifed to a blefTed eternity j my foul was mehed with deiires of per- fect holinefs, and perfecflly glorifying God.
Tuefday, OBober 29. — About noon rode and view- ed the Indian lands at Cranberry : Was much de- jed:ed, and greatly perplexed in mind : Knew not how to fee any body again, my foul was fo funk within me. O that thefe trials might make me more humble and holy. O that God would keep me from giving way to finful dejection, which may hinder my ufefulnefs.
JVednefday, O^lober 30. — My foul was refrefhed with a view of the continuance of God*s blefTed work among the Indians.
Thurfday, O^ober p. — Spent mofl of the day in writing : Enjoyed not much fpiritual comfort ; but was not fo much funk with melancholy as at fome other times.
[November r, 2, 3, and \. — Seethe Journal.]
[Tuefday, November 5, he left the Indians, and fpent the remaining part of this week in travelling to various parts of New-Jerfey, in order to get a coll€(5tion for the ufe of the Indians, and to obtain a fchoolmafter to inftrudt them. And in the mean time, he fpeaks of very Aveet refrediment and enter- tainment with chriftian friends, and of his being fvvectly employed, while riding, in meditation o\\ divine fubjedis ; his heart's being enlarged, his mind clear, his fpirit refrelhed with divine truths, and his hearths burning within him, while he wer;t by the way, and the Lord opened to. him the fcrip,- tures.]
N4 Lord*s
aoo The LIFE of
Lord* s Day ^ NovemberiO.—[^\. Elizabeth-Town.] Was comfortable in the morning, both in body and mind ; preached in the forenoon from 2 Cor. v. 20. God was pleafed to give me freedom and fervency in my difcourfe ; and the prefence of God feemed to be in the afTembly : Numbers were affected, and there were many tears among them. In the after- noon, preached from Luke xiv. 22. And yet there is room. Was favoured with divine alTiftance in the firft prayer, and poured out my foul to God with a filial temper of mind ; the living God alfo affiftcd me in fermon.
[The next day, he went to New-Town, on Long- Ifland, to a meeting of the Prefbytery. He fpeaks of fome fweet meditations he had while there, on Chriji^s delivering up the kingdom to the Father^ and of his foul's being much refrefhed and warmed with the confideration of that bljfsful day.]
Friday, 'November 15. — Could not crofs the ferry by reafon of the violence of the wind ; nor could I enjoy any place of retirement at the ferry houfe : So that I was in perplexity. Yet God gave me fomc fatisfadion and fweetnefs in meditation, and lifting up my heart to God in the midft of company. And although fome were drinking and talking profanely, which was indeed a grief to me, yet my mind was calm and compofed. And I could not but blefs God, that I was not like to fpend an eternity in fuch company. In the evening, I fat down and wrote with compofure and freedom; and can fay through pure grace it was a comfortable evening to my foul, an evening I was enabled to fpend in the fcrvice of God. .
Saturday, November 16. — Crofled the ferry about ten o'clock ; arrived at Elizabeth-Town near night. Was in a calm compofed frame of mind, and felt an entire refignation with refped to a lofs I had Jate-
Mr. DAVID BR A I NERD. 20i
iy fuftained, in having my horfe ftolen from me the laft Wednefday night, at New-Town. Had fome longings of foul for the dear people of Elizabeth- Town, that God would pour out his fpirit upon them, and revive his work amongfl: them.
[He fpent the four next ^ays at Elizabeth-Town; for the moil: part, in a freehand comfortable ftate of mind, intenfely engaged in the fervice of God, and enjoying at fome times, the fpecial affiftances of his Spirit. On Thurfday, this week, he rode to Free- hold, and fpent the day under confiderable dejec- tion.]
Friday^ November 11. — Rode to Mr. Tennent's, and from thence to Crofweekfung. Had little free- dom in meditation, while riding ; which was a grief and burden to my foul. O that I could fill up all my time, whether in the houfe or by the way, for God ! I was enabled, I think, this day, to give up my foul to God, and put over all my concerns into his hands ; and found fome real confolation in the thought of being entirely at the divine difpofal, and having no will or intereft of my own.
[There is nothing very material in his Diary for the five next days, but what is alfo in his Journal.]
Thurfday, November 28. — I enjoyed fome divine comfort, and fervency in the publick exercife, and afterwards. And while riding to my lodgings, was favoured with fome fweet meditations on Luke ix. 31. Who appeared in glory, and fpake of his deceafe, which he jhould accomplifh at Jerufilem. My thoughts ran with freedom, and I faw and felt what a glorious fubjed the death of Chrift is for glorified fouls to dwell upon in their converfation. O, the death of Chrift ! How infinitely precious.
[For the three next days, Tee the Journal.]
Monday, December 2.— Was much affeded with grief, that 1 had not lived more to God ; and felt
ftrong
ao2 The LIFE of
ftrong refolutions to double my diligence in my Maf- ter's fervice.
[After this, he went to a meeting of the Prefbyte- ry, at a place in New-Jerfey, called Connedicut- Farms ; which occafioned his abfence from his peo- ple the reft of this week. Hefpeaks of fome feafons of fweetnefs, folemnity, and fpiritual affecflion, in his abfence.]
[For the moft of the following week he was em- ployed in providing tolive in a houfeby himfelf.]
Saturday y Dece?nher 14. — Rofe early, and wrote by candle light fome confiderable time ; fpent moft of the day in writing : But was fomewhat dejedted. In the evening, was exercifed with a pain in my head.
[For the three next days, fee his Journal. The remainder of this week he fpent chiefly in writing : Some part of the time under a degree of melancho- ly ; but fome part of it with a fweet ardency in re- ligion.]
Monday t and Tuefday^ 'December 11, and 1\. — Spent thefe days in writing, with the utmoft diligence. Felt in the main a fweet mortification to the world, and a defire to live and labour only for God ; but wanted more warmth and fpirituality, a more fenli- ble and affectionate regard to the glory of God.
Thurfday,y and Friday ^ December 26, and 27. — La- boured in my ftudies, to the utmoft of my ftrength ; And though I felt a ftcady difpofition of mind to live to God, and that I had nothing in this world to live for ; yet I did not find that fenfible affection in the fervice of God that I wanted to have ; my heart feemed barren, though my head and hands were full of labour.
[For the four next days, fee his Journal.]
Wednefday^ 'January i, 1745,6. — lam this day be- ginning a new year ; and God has carried me through
numerous
Mr. DAVID BRAIN ERD. 203
numerous trials and labours in the paft. He has amazingly fupported my feeble frame ; for having obtained help of God , I continue to this day. O that I might live nearer to God, this year, than I did the laft. The bufinefs I have been called to, and ena- bled to go through, I know, has been as great as na- ture could bear up under, and what would have funk and overcome me quite, without fpecial fupport. But alas, alas ! though 1 have done the labours, and endured the trials, with what ipirit have I done the one, and borne the other ? How cold has been the frame of my heart oftentimes ! And how little have 1 fenlibly eyed the glory of God, in all my doings and lufferings ! I have tound, that 1 could have no peace without filling up all my time with labours ; and thus neceflity has been laid upon me j yea, in that relped:, I have loved to labour : But the mifery is, 1 could not lenfibly labour for God, as I would have done. May 1 for the future be enabled more fenlibly to make the glory of God myall.
[For the fpace from this time until the next Mon- day, fee the Journal,]
Monday J 'January t>. — Being very weak in body, I rode for my health. While riding, my thoughts were fweetly engaged, for a tim»e, upon thejione cut out of the mountain without hands ^ which brake in pieces all before it, and waxed greats and became a great mountain, and filled the wbole earth : iVnd I longed tliat Jcfus ihould take to himfelf his great power, and rcipi to the cJtds of the earth. And O, how fweet Vvcre the moments, wherein I felt my Ibul warm with hopes of the enlargement of the Redeemer's kingdom ! I wanted nothing elfe but that Chrift ihould reign, to the glory of his blefled name.
[The next day he complains of want of fervency.]
Wednefday, January 8.— In the evening, my heart wqs drawn out after God in fccret : My foul was re-
freihed
204 The LIFE of
frefhed and quickened ; and I truft, faith was in ex- ercife. I had great hopesof the ingathering of pre- cious fouls to Chrifl ; not only among my own peo- ple, but others alfb. I was fweetly resigned and compofed under my bodily weaknefs ; and was wil- ling to live or die, and defirous to labour for God to the utmoft of my ftrength.
Friday, January lO. — My foul was in a fweet, calm, compofed frame, and my heart filled vyith love to all the world ; and chriftian fimplicity and tender- nefs feemed then to prevail and reign within me. Near night, vifiteda feriousbaptift minifter, and had fome agreeable converfation with him j and found that I could tafte God in friends.
[For the feven next days nothing very remarkable appears but what is to be found in the Journal.]
[The next day, he fet out on a journey to Eliza- beth-Town, to confer with the correfpondents at their meeting there ; and enjoyed much fpiritual re- freftiment from day to day, through this week. The things exprefTed in this fpace of time, are fuch as thefe; ferenity, compofure, fweetnefs, and tender- nefs of foul, thankfgiving to God for his fuccefs among the Indians, delight in prayer and praife, fweet and profitable meditations on various divine fubjecfts, longing for more love, for more vigour to live to God, for a life more entirely devoted to God, that he might fpend all his time profitably for God, and in his caufe ; converfing on fpiritual fubjedts with afPedtion ; and lamentation for unprofitablenefs . ]
Lord*s Day, 'January l6. — [At ConnecSticut- Farms.] Was calm and compofed. Was made fen- fible of my utter inability to preach, without divine help ; and was in fome good meafure willing to leave it with God, to give or withhold afTiiiance, as be faw would be mofi: for his own glory. Was fa- voured with a confiderable degree of affiflance in my
pubiick
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 205
publick work. After publick worfhip, I was in a fweet and folemn frame of mind, thankful to God that he had made me in fome meafure faithful in ad- drelTing precious fouls, but grieved that I had been no more fervent in my work j and was tender- ly affedled towards all the world, longing that every (inner might be faved ; and could not have entertain- ed any bitternefs towards the worft enemy living. In the evening, rode to Elizabeth-Town : While riding, was almofl: conllantly engaged in lifting up my heart to God, left I fliould lofe that fweet heav- enly folemnity and compofure of foul I then enjoy- ed. Afterwards, was pleafed, to think that God reigneth ; and thought I could never be uneafy with any of his difpenfations ; but muft be entirely fatis- fied , whatever trials he fhould caufe me or his church to encounter. Never felt more fedatenefs, divine ferenity and compofure of mind : Could freely have left the deareft earthly friend, for the fociety of a^i^ gels and fpirits of jujl men made perfeB. My affec- tions foared aloft to the bleifed Author of every dear enjoyment : I viewed the emptinefs and unfat- isfadtory nature of the moft defirable earthly objects, any further than God is feen in them : And longed for a life of fpirituality and inward purity ; without which, I faw there could be no true pleafure.
[He retained a great degree of this excellent frame of mind, the four next days.]
Saturday^ February i. — Towards night, enjoyed fome of the cleared: thoughts on a divine fubjed:, viz. that treated of I Cor. xv. 13. — 16. that ever I remember to have had upon any fubjedt whatfoever ; and fpent two or three hours in writing them. I was rcfrefhed with this intenfencfs : My mind was fo engaged in thefe meditations, Icould fcarcely turn it to any thing elfe ; and indeed I could not be wil- ling to part with fo fweet an entertainment.
ora s
ao6 The LIFE of
Lord's Day, February 2.— After publick worfliip, my bodily ftrength being much fpent, my fpirits funk amazingly ; and efpccially on 'hearing that I was fo generally taken to be a Roman Catholick, fent by the Papifts to draw the Indians into an in- furrediion againft the Englifh, that Tome were in fear of me, and others were for having me taken up by authority and punifhed. Alas, what will not the devil do to bring a flur and difgrace on the work of God ! O, how holy and circumfped: had I need to be !
Monday, February 3. — My fpirits were ftill much funk with what I heard the day before, of my being fufpe(fted to be engaged in the pretender's intereft : It grieved me, that after there had been fo much ev- idence of a glorious work of grace among thefe poor Indians, as that the moll: carnal men could not but take notice of the great change made among them, fo many poor fouls fliould ftill fufped; the whole to be only a popifli plot, and fo caft an awful reproach on this bleffed work of the divine Spirit ; and at the fame time wholly exclude themfelves from receiving any benefit by this divine influence. This put me upon fearching whether I had ever dropped any thing inadvertently, that might give occafion to any to fufpe6t that I was flirring up the Indians againft the Englifh : And could think of nothing, unlefs it was my attempting fometimes to vindicate th^ rights of the Indians, and complaining of the horrid prac- tice of making the Indians drunk, and then cheat- ing them out of their lands and other properties : And once I remembefed I had done this with too much warmth of fpirit. And this much diftrefTed me ; thinking that this might poffibly prejudice them againft this work of grace, to their evcrlafting deftrudion. God, I believe, did me good by this trial ; which ferved to humble me, and fhew me the
necellity
Mr. DAVID BR A I NERD. 207
neceffity of watchfulnefs, and of being wife as afer- pent, as well as hannlefs as a dove. This exercifeled me often to the throne of grace ; and there I found feme fupport : Though I could not get the burden wholly removed. Was affifled in prayer, efpecial- ]y in the evening.
[He remained flill under a degree of exercife of mind about this affair ; which continued to have the fameeffed: upon him, to caufe him to refled: up- on, and humble himfelf, and frequent the throne of grace : But foon found himfelf much more relieved and fup ported. He was, this week, in an extremely weak ftate, and obliged (as he expreiTes it) to con- fume confiderable time in diverfions for his health.
The Monday after, he fet out on a journey to the Forks of Delaware, to vifit the Indians there. The things appertaining to his inward frames and exercifcs, expreflcd within this week, are fwect com- pofure of mind, thankfulnefs to God for his mercies to him and others, refignation to the divine will, comfort in prayer and religious converfation, his heart drawn out after God, and affedted with a fenfe of his own barrennefs, as well as the fulnefs and freenefs of divine grace.]
hordes Day^ February 16. — In the evening, was in a fweet compofed frame of mind. It was exceed- ing refrefliing and comfortable, to think that God had been with me, affording me fome good meafure of alliftance. I then found freedom and fweetnefs in prayer and thankfgiving to God ; and found my foul fweetly engaged and enlarged in prayer for dear friends and acquaintance. BlefTed be the name of the Lord, that ever I am enabled to do any thing for his dear intereft and kingdom. Bleffed be God, who enables me to be faithful. Enjoyed more refoiution and courage for God, and more refrefhmcnt of fpir- ir, than I have been favouied svith for many weeks paft.
Monday^
2o8 T H E L I F E o 1
Monday, February 17. — I was refrefhed and en- couraged : Found a fpirit of prayer, in the evening, and earned longings for the illumination and conver- fion of thefe poor Indians.
Thurfday, February 20. — God was pleafed to fup- port and refrefh my fpirits, by affording me aflifl- ance, this day, and fo hopeful a profpedtof fuccefs ; and I returned home rejoicing, and bleffing the name of the Lord j and found freedom and fweetnefs af- terwards in fecret prayer, and had my foul drawn out for dear friends. O, how bleffed a thing is it, to labour for God faithfully, and with encourage- ment of fuccefs ! BlefTed be the Lord forever and ev^ cr, for the afliftance and comfort granted this day.
Friday, February 21 . — My foul was refrefhed and comforted, and I could not but blefs God, who had enabled me in fome good meafure to be faithful in the day paft, O how fweet it is to be fpent and worn out for God !
Saturday, February 22. — My fpirits were much fupported, though my bodily flrength was much warted. O that God would be gracious to the fouls of thefe poor Indians.
God has been very gracious to m.e this week : He has enabled me to preach every day ; and has given me fome afliftance, and encouraging profpedts of fuccefs, in almoft every fermon. Blefled be his name. Divers of the white people have been awak- ened this week, and fundry of the Indians much cured of the prejudices and jealoufies they had conceived againft chriftianity, and fome feem io be really awakened.
[The next day he left the Forks of Delaware, io return to Crofweekfung ; and fpent the whole week until Saturday, before he arrived there ; but preach- ed by the way every day, excepting one ; and was feveral times greatly aflifted j and had much inward
comfort,
Mr. D A VI D BR AINERD. 209
comfort, and earneft longings to fill up all his time with the fervice of God. He utters fuch expreflions as thefe, after preaching : O that I may be enabled ro plead the caufe of God faithfully, to my dying moment. O how fweet it would be to fpend my- felf wholly for God, and in his caufe, and to be freed from felfilh motives in my labours !]
[For Saturday and Lord's Day, March i, and 2, fee the Journal. The four next days were fpent in great bodily weaknefs ,• but he fpeaks of fome fea- fons of confiderable inward comfort.]
Thurfday, March 6. — I walked alone in the even- ing, and enjoyed fweetnefs and comfort in prayer, beyond what I have of late enjoyed : My foul re- joiced in my pilgrimage ftatc, and I was delighted with the thoughts of labouring and enduring hard- nefs for God : Felt fom.e longing defires to preach the gofpel to dear immortal fouls ; and confided in God, that he w^or.ld be with me in my work, and that he never would le wee nor forfake jne, to the end of my race. O, may I obtain m*ercy of God to be faithful, to my dying moment !
[For the following Lord's Day, fee the Journal.]
Monday, March 10. — My foul was refrefhed with freedom and enlargement, and I hope the lively exer- cife of faith, in fecret prayer, this night : My will was fweetly refigned to the divine will, and my hopes refpc6ling the enlargement of the dear king- dom of Chrift fomewhat raifed, and could commit Zion's caufe to God as his own.
[In his Diary forfeveral following days it appears that he -was ill in body, and dejedted in mind under an apprehenfion that his ufefulnefs was about to ter- minate.]
Monday, March 24.-— After the Indians were gone to their work, to clear their lands, I got alone, and poured out my foul to God, that he would fmile
Q upon
2}D The life o v
upon thefe feeble beginnings, and that he would fet- tle an Indian town, that might be a mountain of ho- linefs 'y and found my loul much refreflied in thefc petitions, and much enlarged for Zion's intereft, and for numbers of dear friends in particular. My finking fpirits were revived and raifed, and I felt an- imated in the fervice God has called me to. This was the deareft hour I have enjoyed for many days, if not weeks. I found an encouraging hope, that fomething would be done for God, and that God would ule and help me in his work. And O, how fweet were the thoughts of labouring for God, when I felt my fpirit and courage, and had any hope that ever 1 fhould be fucceeded !
[The next day, his fchoolmafter was taken fick with a pleurify ; and he fpent great part of the re- mainder of this week in tending him : Which in his weak flate was almoft an overbearing burden to him j he being obliged conftantly to wait upon him all day, from day to day, and to lie on the floor at night. His fpirits funk in a confiderable degree, with his bodily ftrength, under this burden.]
Monday y March 31. — Towards night, enjoyed fome fvvcet meditations on thofe words, // is good for me to draw near to God. My foul, I think, had fome fweet fenfe of what is intended in thofe words.
Wednefday^ April 2. — Was fomewhat exercifed with a fpiritlefs frame of mind. Was a little reliev- ed and refrefhed in the evening, with meditation alone in the woods. But alas, my days pafs away as the chafF. It is but little I do, or can do, that turns to my account ; and it is my conftant mifery and burden, that I am fo fruitlefs in the vineyard of the Lord. O that I were fpirit, that I might be act- ive for God. This, I think, more than any thing elfe, makes me long, that this corruptible might put on incorruption, and this mortal put o?i immortality.
God
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 211
God deliver me from clogs, fetters, and a body of death, that impede my fervice for him.
[The next day, he complains bitterly of fome ex- ercifes by corruption he found in his own heart.]
Friday^ April 4. — Spent moft of the day in writ- ing on Rev. xxii. 17. Andwhofoever willy &c. En-* joyed fome freedom and encouragement in my work ; and found fome comtort and compofure in prayer.
Saturday, April 5. — After publick worlhip, a number of my dear chriftian Indians came to my houfe J with whom I felt a fvveet union of foul : My heart was knit to them ; and I cannot fay, I have felt fuch a iweet and fervent love to the brethren, for fome time paft : And I i\\\Y in them appearances of the fame love. This gave me fomething of a view of the heavenly flate ; and particularly that part of the happinefs of heaven, which confifls in the communion of faints ; and this was affecting to me.
[The following week was fpent in a journey to Elizabeth-Town and Staten-Ifland, at which lafl place he preached on the Sabbath to an affembly of Dutch and Englifli.]
Monday, April 14. — My fpirits this day were raifed and refrelhed, and my mind compofed, fo that I was in a comfortable frame of Ibul, mofl of the day. In the evening, my head v^as clear, my mind ferene j I enjoyed fweetnefs in fecret prayer, and meditation on Pfal. Ixxiii. 28. • O, how free, how comfortable, cheerful, and yet folemn do I feel when I am in a good meafure freed from thofe damps and melancholy glooms, that 1 often labour under ! 7\nd bleiTed be the Lord, I find myfelf re- lieved in this refpedl.
Tuefday, April 15. — My foul longed for moro fpirituality ; and it was my burden, that I could do no more for God. O, my barrennefs is my daily
O 2 affli^io«
ii2 The LF F E of
afflidlion and heavy load ! O, how precious is time ; and how it pains me, to lee it Hide away, while I do fo very little to any good purpofe ! O that God would make me more fruitful and fpiritual.
[The next day he fpeaks of his being almoft over- whelmed with vapoury diforders ; but yet not fo as wholly to deflroy the compofure of his mind.]
T'hurfduy, April 17. — Enjoyed fome comfort in prayer, fome freedom in meditation, and compofure in my fludics. Spent fome time in writing, in the forenoon. In the afternoon, fpent fome time in con- verfation with feveral dear minifters. In the even- ing, preached from Pfal. Ixxiii. 28. But it is good for me to draw near to God, God helped me to feel the truth of my text, both in the iirfl prayer and in fermon. I was enabled to pour out my foul to God, with great freedom, fervency, and affe(5tion : And, bleffed be the Lord, it was a comfortable feafon to me. I was enabled to fpeak with tendemefs, and yet with fiiithfulnefs : And divine truths feemed to fall with weight and influence upon the hearers. My heart was melted for the dear affembly, land I loved every body in it ; and fcarce ever felt more love to immortal fouls in my life j my foul cried, O that the dear creatures might be faved ! O that God would have mercy on them !
[He feems to have been in a very com.fortable frame of mind the two next days.]
Lord's Day, April 20^. — Enjoyed fome freedom, and, I hope, exercife of faith in prayer, in the morn- ing ; efpecially when I came to pray for Zion. I was free from that gloomy difcouragemcnt, that fo often opprefl'es my mind ; and my foul rejoiced in the hopes of Zion's profperity, and the enlargement of the dear kingdom of the great Redeemer. O that his kingdom might come.
T^uefday^
* This day he entered into the cgth year of his age.
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 213
TuefJay, April 22. — My mind was remarkably- free, this day, from melancholy damps and glooms, and animated in my work. I found fuch frelli vig- our and refolution in the fervice of God, that the mountains feemed to become a plain before me. G bleffcd be God for an interval of refrelhment, and fervent refolution in my Lord's work ! In the even- ing, my foul was refrelhed in fecret prayer, and my heart drawn out for divine bleflings j efpecially for the church of God, and his intereft among my own people, and for dear friends in remote places. O that Zion might profper, and precious fouls be brought home to God !
[See, for about this time, the Journal.]
Saturday y May 3. — Rode from Elizabeth-Town home to my people, at or near Cranberry ; whicher they are now removed, and where, I hope, God will fettle them as a chrifbian congregation. Was refrelh- ed in lifting up my heart to God, while ri'din^ ; and enjoyed a thankful frame of fpirit, tor divine fa- vours received the week pafl:. Was fomewhat uneafy and deje(tl:ed, in the evening ; having no houfe of my own to go into in this place; but God was my fuppart.
Wed?iefdayy May 7. — Spent moft of the day ift writing, as ufual. Enjoyed fome freedom in my work. Was favoured with fome comfortable med- itations, this day. In the evening, was in a fweet compofed frame of mind : Was pleafed'and delight- ed to leave all with God, refpecSting myfelf, for tmie and eternity, and rcfpecling the people of my charge, and dear friends. Had no doubt but that God would take care of me, and of his own intereft among my people ; And was enabled to ufc freedom in prayer, as a child with a tender father. O, how fweet i? fuch a fnime !
Thurjdayy May 8. — In the evening, was fomewhat refrcflicd with divine things, and enjoyed a tendef
O 3 melting
214 The LIFE of
inelting Irame in fecret prayer, wherein my foul was drawn out for the interefi: of Zion, and comforted with the hvely hope of the appearing of the king- dom of the great Redeemer. Thefe were fwect mo- ments : I felt almoft loth to go to bed, and grieved that fleep was neceffary. However, I lay down with a tender reverential fear of God, fenfible that his fa- iwur is ///f ,and his fmiles better than all that earth can boaft of, infinitely better than life itfelf.
[Friday, May 9. — See the Journal.]
Saturday, May 10. — Rode to Allen's-Town, to aflift in the adminiftration of the Lord's fupper. In the afternoon, preached from Tit. ii. 14. Who gave himfelffor us, &c. God was pleafed to carry me through with fome competency of freedom ; and yet to deny me that enlargement and power I long- ed for. In the evening, my foul mourned, and could not but mourn, that I had treated fo excellent a fubjed: in fo defective a manner ; that I had borne fo broken a teftimony for fo worthy and glorious a Redeemer. And if my difcourfe had met with the utmoft applaufe from all the world (as I accidentally heard it applauded by fome perfons of judgment) it would not have given me any fatisfadion. O, it grieved me, to think that I had had no more holy warmth and fervency, that I had been no more melt- ed in difcourfing of Chrifl's death, and the end and delign of it ! Afterwards, enjoyed fome freedom and fervency in fecret and family prayer, and longed much for the prefence of God to attend his word and ordi- nances the next day.
Lord's Day, May 11. — AfTifted in the adminiflra- tion of the Lord's fupper ; but enjoyed little en- largement : Was grieved and funk with fome things I thought undeiirable, &c. In the afternoon, went to the houfe of God weak and fick in foul, as well ^s feeble in bqdy : And longed, that the peopl:
mijiht
Mr. D A VID BR AINERD. 215
might be entertained and edified with divine truths, and that an honeft fervent teftimony might be borne for God ; but knew not how it was poflible for me to do any thing of that kind, to any good purpofe. Yet God, who is rich in mercy, was pleafed to give me afTiftance, both in prayer and preaching. God helped me to wreftle for his prefence in prayer, and to tell him, that he had promifed. Where two or three are met together i?i his name^ there he would be in the 7nidjl of them ; and that we were, at leaft fome of us, fo met ; and pleaded, that for his truth's fake he would be with us. AndblefTed be God, it was fweet to my foul, thus to plead, and rely on God*s prom- ifes. Difcourfed upon Luke ix. 30. '^\. And behold, there talked with him two men, which were Mofes and Elias ; who appeared in glory, an df pake of his deceafe, which he Jhould acccmplijh at 'Jeriifale??!, Enjoyed fpecial freedom, from the beginning to the end of my difcourfe, without interruption. Things perti- nent to the fubjed: were abunelantly prefe,nted to my view, and fuch a fulnefs of matter, that. I fcarce knew how to difmifs the various heads and particu- lars I had occalion to touch upon. And, blefled be the Lord, I was favoured with fome fervency and power, as well as freedom ; fo that the word of God fcemed to awaken the attention of a flupid au- dience, to a confiderable degree. I was inwardly re- frelhed with the confolations of God ; and could with my whole heart fay, 'Though there be ?io fruit in the vine, &c. yeS will I rejoice in the Lord. After publick fervice, was refreflied with the fweet con- verfation of fome chriftian friends.
[The four next days feem to have been moflly fpcnt with fpiritual comfort and profit.]
Friday, i'Wt/)' 16.— Near night, enjoyed fome agree- able and fweet convcrfiuion with a dear miniftcr, which, I truft, was hlefled to my foul : My heart
O 4 was
2th6 The LIFE of
was warmed, and my foul engaged to live to God • io that I longed to exert myfelf with more vigour, than ever I had done, in his caufe : And thofe words were quickening to me, Herein is iny Father glorifi- ed^ that ye bring forth much fruit. O, my foul long- ed, and wifhed, and prayed, to be enabled to live to God with utmpftconftancy and ardour ! In the even- ing, God was pleafed to fliine upon me in fecret prayer, and draw out my foul after himfelf ; and I had freedom in fupplication for myfelf, but much more in interceflion fdr others : So that I was fweet- ly conftrained to fay. Lord, ufe me as thou wilt ; do as thou wilt with me : But O, promote thine own caufe. Zion is thine ; O vifit thine heritage ; G let thy kingdom come j O let thy bleffed interefl: be advanced in the world ! When I attempted to look to God refpe(5ling my worldly circumflances, and his providential dealings with me, in regard of my fettling down in'tny congregation, which feems to be neceffary, and yet very difficult, and contrary to my fixed intention* for years pafl:, as well as my difpoiition, which lias been, and flill is, at times ef- pecially, to go forth, and fpend my life in preach- ing the gofpel from place to place, and gathering fouls afar off to Jeftis the great Redeemer ; when I attempted to look to G6d with regard to thefe things, and his defigns concerning me, I could only fay, ne will of the Lord he done : It is no matter for me. The fame frame of mind I felt with rcfped: to an- other important aflfiiirl have lately had fome ferious thoughts of : I could fay, with utmoil calmnefs and compofure. Lord, if it be mofl for thy glory, let me proceed in it ; but if thou feefl that it will in any wife hinder my ufcfulncfs in thy caufe, G pre- vent my proceeding : For all I want, refpeding this world, is fiich circumflances as may befl capacitate me to do fervice for God in the world. Bi;t bleffcd
be
Mr. DAVID BRA I NERD 217
be God, I enjoyed liberty in prayer for my dear flock, and was enabled to pour out my foul into the bofom of a tender father. My heart within me was melted, when I came to plead for my dear people, and for the kingdom, of Chrift in general. O, how iweet was this evening to my foul ! I knew not how to go to bed ; and when got to bed, longed for fome way to improve time for God, to fome excellent purpofe. Blcfs the Lord, O my foul.
Saturday, May 17. — Walked out in the morning, and felt miuch of the fime frame I enjoyed the even- ing before : Had my heart enlarged in praying for the advancement of the kingdom of Chrift, and found utmoft freedom in leaving all my concerns with God. . ,,
I find difcouragements to be an exceeding hitV- drance to my fpiritual fervency and affedion : But when God enables me fenfibly to find that I have done fomething for him, this refreilies and animates me, fo that I could break through all hardlhips, un- dergo any labours, and nothing feems too much either to do or to fuffer. But O, what a death it is, to flrive and llrive ; to be always in a hurry, and yet do nothing, or at leafl nothing for God ! Alas, alas, that time flies away, and I do fo little for God !
LorcVs Day, May 18. — I felt my own utter infufii- ciency for my work : God made me to fee that I was a child j yea, that I was a fool. I difcourfed both parts of the day, from Rev. iii. 20. Behold, Ifandat the door and knock. God gave me freedom and power in the lat- ter part of my forenoon's difcourle ; although, in the former part of it, I felt peevilli and provoked with the unmannerly behaviour of the wiiite people, who crowded in between my people and me ; wiiich proved a great temptation to me. But blclTed be God, I got thcfe fhackles off before the middle of my difcourfe, and was favoured with a fwect frame
of
^i8 Th E L I F E o F
of fpirit in the latter part of the exercife ; was full of love, warmth, and tendernefs, in addrefTing my dear people. In the intermifTion feafon, could not but difcourfe to my people on the kindnefs and pa- tience of Chrift, mjiiinding and knocki?ig at the doo}\ &c. In the evening I was grieved that I had done fb little for God. O that I could be aflame ofjire in the fervice of my God.
'Jhurfdayy May 22. — In the evening was in a frame fomewhat remarkable : Had apprehended for fever- al days before, that it was the defign of Providence I lliould ibttle among my people here ; and had in my own mind begun to makcproviiion forit j and to con- trive means to haften it ; and found my heart fomething engaged in it ,hopingI might then enjoy more agreeable circumftances of life, in feveral refpe6ts : And yet was never fully determined, never quite pleafed with the thoughts of being fettled and confined to one place. Neverthelefs, I feemed to have fome freedom m that refpedt, becaufe the congregation I thought of fettling with, was one that God had enabled me to gather from amongft Pagans. For I never, fince I began to preach, could feel any freedom to etiter i?ito other nje?i's labours^ and fettle down in the ministry where the gofpel was preached before ; I never could make that appear to be my province. When I felt any difpofition toconfult my eafe and worldly comfort, God has never given me any liberty in that refpect, either fince, or for years before I began to preach. But God having fucceeded my labours, and made me inftrumental of gathering a church for him among thefe Indians, I was ready to think it might be his defign to give me a*quiet fettlement and a flated home of my own. And this, confidcring the late frequent finking and failure of my fpirits, and the need I ftood in of fome agreeable fociety, and my great defire of enjoying conveniences and opportu- nities
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 219
nities for profitable fludies, was not altogether difii- greeable tome : Although I Itili wanted to go about, far and wide, in order to fpread the blelTed gofpcl among benighted fouls, far remote ; yet 1 never had. been fo willing to fettle in any one place, for more than five years paft, as I was in the foregoing part of this week. But now thefe thoughts fecmed to be wholly daihcd to pieces ; not by neceflity, but of choice : For itappeared to me, that God's dealings towards me had fitted me for a life of folitarinefs and hardfhip : It appeared to me, 1 had nothing to lofe, nothing to do with earth, and confequently nothing to lofe by a total renunciation of it : And it appear- ed jufl: right that I fhould be deftitute of houfe and home, and many comforts of life, which I rejoiced to fee others of God*s people enjoy. And at the fame time, 1 law {o much of the excellency of Chrift's kingdom, and the infinite deiirablenefs of its advancement in the world, that it fwallowed up all my other thoughts ; and made me willing, yea, even rejoice, to be made a pilgrim or hermit in t}^ wilderneis, to my dying m.oment, if I might thcrc-i by promote the bleffed interefl: of the great Redeem- er. And if ever my foul prefentcd it ("elf to God for hisfervice, without any referve of any kind, it did fo now. The language of my thoughts and difpo- iition (although I ipake no words) now were, Htrj I am. Lord, fend tne; fend me to the ends of the earth ; fend me to the rough, the favage Pagans of the wil- dernefs ; fend me from all that is called comfort in earth, or earthly comfort j fend me even to death it- ielf, if it be but in thy fervice, and to promote thy kingdom. And at the fame time I had as quick and lively a fenfe of the value of worldly comforts, as ever I had ; but only law them infinitely overmatched by the worth of Chrifl's kingdom, and the propaga- fion of his blcflcd gofpcl. The quiet fettlement,
the
220 The life of
the certain place of abode, the tender friendfhip, which I thought I might be likely to enjoy in con- fequence of fuch ci re um fiances, appeared as valua- ble to me, confidercd abfolutely and in themfelves, as ever before ; but confidered comparatively, they ap- peared nothing : Compared with the value and pre- cioufnefs of an enlargement of Chrift's kingdom, they vanifhed like the ftars before the riling fun. And fure I am, that although the comfortable accommodations of life appeared valuable and dear to me, yet I did fur- render and relignmyfelf, foul and body, to the fervice of God, and promotion of Chrifl's kingdom ; though it fhould be in the lofs of them ail. And I could not do any other, becaufe I could not will or choofe any other. I was confirained, and yet chofe to fay. Farewell friends and earthly comforts, the deareft of them all, the very dearefl, if the Lord calls for it ; Adieu, adieu ; I will fpend my life, to my lateft mo- ments, in caves and dens of the earth, if the king- dom of Chrift may thereby be advanced. I found extraordinary freedom at this time in pouring out my foul to God, for his caufe ; and efpccialiy that his kingdom might be extended among the Indians, far remote ; and I had a great and ftrong hope that God would do it. I continued wreftling with God in prayer for my dear little flock here ; and more efpecially for the Indians elfevvhere ; as well as for dear friends in one place and anotlier ; until it was bed time, and I feared I fliould hinder the family, &c. But O, with what reluftancy did I find my- felf obliged to confume tiine in flsep ! I longed to be as aflame of fire y continually glowing in the divine fervice, preaching and building up Chrift's kingdom, to mylateif, my dying moment.
Friday, May 23. — In the morning was in the fame frame of mind, as in the evening before. The glory of Chrift's kingdom 'io much outlhone the pleai-
ure
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. a2i
ure of earthly accommodations and enjoyments, that they appeared comparatively nothing, though in themfelves good and defirable. My Ibul was melt- ed in fecret meditation and prayer, and 1 found my- felf divorced from any part in this world ; fo that in thofe affairs that feemed of the greateft importance to me, in refped: of the prefent life, and thofe where- in the tender powers of the mind are mofl fenfibly touched, I could only fay, The will of the Lord be done. But jufi: the fame things that I felt the even- ing before, I felt now ; and found the fame freedom in prayer for the people of my charge, for the prop- agation of the gofpel among the Indians, and for the enlargement and fpiritual welfare of Zionin general, and my dear friends in particular, now, as I did then ; and longed to burn out in one continued flame for God. Retained much of the fame frame through the day. In the evening was vifited by my brother John Brainerd : The firfl: vifit 1 have ever received from any near relative, fince I have been a Miflion- ary. Felt the fame frame of fpirit in the evening, as in the morning ; and found that it was good for me to draw near to God, and leave all my concerns and burdens with him. Was enlarged and refrefh- ed in pouring out my foul for the propagation of the gofpel of the Redeemer among the diftant tribes of Indians. Bleffcd be God. If ever I filled up a day with fludies and devotion, I was enabled fo to fill up this day.
Saturday, May a4.-^Enjoyed, this day, fomcthing of the lame frame of mind as I felt the day before.
Monday, ^une 2. — In the evening, enjoyed fome freedom in iecret prayer and meditation.
Tuefday, ^une 3. — My foul rejoiced early in the morning, to think that all things were at God*s difpofal. O it pleafedi me to leave them there. Felt afterwards much as I did on Thurfday evening,
May
222 The life of
May 22 laft ; and continued in this frame for fever- al hours. Walked out into the wildernefs, and en- joyed freedom, fervency, and comfort in prayer: And again enjoyed the fame in tlie evening.
Wednefday^ 'June 4. — Spent the day in v^^iting, and enjoyed fome comfort, fatisfac^lion and freedom in my work. In the evening I was favoured with a^ fweet rcfrefliing frame of foul in fecret prayer a meditation. Prayer was now wholly turned in praife ; and I could do little elfe but try to ado and blefs the living God : The wonders of his grace difplayed in gatheririg to himlelf a church amonffl the poor Indians here, were the fubjed: matter of mj^ meditation, and the occadon of exciting my foul t<^ praife and blefs his name. My foul was fcarce eveti more difpofed to inquire, What I Jhould render to'' God for all his benefits^ than at this time. O, I was' brought into a ftrait, a fweet and happy ftrait, to know what to do ! I longed to make fomc returns to God ; but found I had nothing to return : I could only rejoice that God had done the work himfelf ;: and that none in heaven or earth might pretend tO/ fliare the honour of it with him : I could only be| glad that God*s declarative glory was advanced by the' converfion of thefe fouls, and that it was to the en-*^ largement of his kingdom in the world : Rut faw I? was fo poor that I had nothing to offer to him. My foul and body, through grace, I could cheerfully furren- der to him : But it appeared to me tliis was ratlier a cumber than a gift : And nothing could I do to glo- rify his dear and blelTed name. Yet I was glad at heart, that he was unchangeably pofft^fied of glory| and blcffcdnefs. O that he might be adored an prailbd by all his intelligent creatures, to the utmoil of their powers and capacities. My foul would have rejoiced to lee others praife him, though I could do nothing towards it myfclf.
FThe
Mr. DA VI D BR A I NERD. 223
[The next day he fpeaks of his being fubjed: to fome degree of melancholy ; but of being fomething relieved in the evening.]
[Friday, June 6. — See the Journal.]
Saturday y June"]. — Rode to Freehold, to affill: Mr. Tennent in the adminiftration of the Lord's fupper. In the afternnon preached from Pfal. Ixxiii. 28. God gave me fome freedom and warmth in my dif- courfe ; and, I truft, his prefcnce was in theaffembly. Was comfortably compofed, and enjoyed a thank- ful frame of fpirit ; and my foul was grieved, that I could not render fomething to God for his benefits be- llowed . O that I could be fvvallowed up in his praife !
Lord's Day, Jimc 8. — Spent much time in the morning in fecret duties ; but between hope and tear, refpe(fling the enjoyment of God in the bufincfs of the day then before us. Was agreeably entertain- ed, in the forenoon, by a difcourfe from Mr. Ten- nent, and felt fomewhat melted and refreflied. Id the feafon of communion enjoyed fome comfort ; and efpecially in ferving one of the tables. Bleffed be the Lord it was a time of refrefliing to me, and, I truft, to many others. A number of my dear peo- ple fat down by themfelves at the laft table ; at which time God leemed to be in the midft of them. And the thoughts of what' God had done among them were retrclliing and melting to me. In the .afternoon God enabled me to preach with uncom- mon freedom, from 2 Cor. v. 20. Through the goodnefs of God I was favoured with a conftant flow of pertinent matter, and proper expreffions, from the beginning to the end of my diicourfe. In the evening I could not but rejoice in God, and blefs him for the manifellations of his grace in the day paft. O, it was a fvveet and folcm.n day and evening ! A feafon of comfort to the godly, and of awakening to fome fouls. O that I could praife the Lord.
Monday,
224 The life of
Monday, 'June 9. — Enjoyed foine fweetnefs in fc- cret duties. Preached the concluding fermon from Gen. V. 24. And Enoch walked with God, &c. God gave me enlargement and fervency in my difcourfe ; fo that I was enabled to fpeak with plainnefs and power j and God*s prefence feemed to be in the af- fembly. Praifed be the Lord it was a fweet meeting, a defirable affembly. I found my flrength renew- ed, and lengthened out even to a wonder ; fo that 1 felt much ftronger at the conclufion, than in the beginningof this facramental folcmnity. I have great reafon to blefs God for this folemnity, wherein I have found alTiflance in addreffing others, and fweet- nefs in my own foul.
[On Tuefday, he found himfelf fpent, and his fpirits exhaufted by his late labours ; and on Wed- nefday complains of vapoury diforders, and dejection of fpirit, and of enjoying but little comfort or fpirit- uality.]
Thurfday, 'June i2. — In the evening enjoyed free- dom of mind, and fome fweetnefs in fecret prayer: It was a defirable feafon to me ; my loul was en- larged in prayer for my own dear people, and for theenlargement of Chrifl*s kingdom, and efpecially for the propagation of the gofpel among the Indians, back in the wildernefs. Was refreflied in prayer for dear friends in New-England, and elfewhere : I found it fwect to pray at this tim.e ; and could with all my heart fay. It is good for mc to draw near to God.
Friday y June 13. — I came away from the meeting ing of the Indians, this day, rejoicing and blefling God for his grace manifefted at this feafon.
Saturday^ June 14. — Rode to Kingflon, to afliil the Rev. Mr. Wales in the adminiibation of the Lord's fupper. In the afternoon preached ; but almoft fainted in the pulpit ; Yet God ftrcngthened
me
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 225
me when I was jufl: gone, and enabled me to fpeak his word with freedom, fervency, and application to the confcience. And praifed be the Lord, out of "ji'eaknefs Iwasmadejlrong, I enjoyed fome fweetnefs, in and after publick worfhip ; but was extremely tired. O, how many are the mercies of the Lord 1 To them that have no 7night^ he increafcth Jlrength .
hordes Day, ^tme 15. — Was in a dejecSted fpirit- Jefs frame, that I could not hold up my head, nor look any body in the face. Adminiftered the Lord's fupper at Mr. Wales's defire : And found myfelf in a good mcafure unburdened and relieved of my prefl- ing load, when I came to afk a bleffing on the ele- ments : Here God gave me enlargement, and a ten- der affecrionate fenfe of fpiritual things j fo that it was a feafon of comfort, in ibme meafure, to me, and, I truft, more fo to others. In the afternoon, preached to a vafl: multitude, from Rev. xxii. 17. And 'whofoever will, &c. God helped me to offer a teftimony for himfelf, and to leave finners inexcufa- ble in neglediing his grace. I was enabled to fpeak with fuch freedom, fluency and clearnefs, as com- manded the attention of the great. Was extremely tired in the evening, but enjoyed compofure and fweetnefs,
Monday, 'June 16. — Preached again, and God help- ed me amazingly, fo that this was a fweet refrelli- ing feafon to m^y foul and others. O, forever blefl* ed be God for help afforded at this time, when my body was fo weak, and while there was fo large an alfcmbly to hear. Spent the afternoon in a comfort- able agreeable manner.
[The next day was fpent comfortably.
On Wednefday he went to a meeting of minifters at Hopewell.]
[Thurfday, June 19.— See his Journal.]
[On Friday and Saturday be was very muchamifs; but yet preached to his people on Saturday. His
P ilJnefs
226 The LIFE of
illnefs continued on the Sabbath ; but he preached^ notwithftanding, to his people, both parts of the days And after the pubh'ck worfhip was ended, he en- deavoured to apply divine truths to the confciences of fome, and addrelTed them perfonally for that end: Several were in tears, and fome appeared much af- fe(5ted. But he was extremely wearied with the fervices of the day, and was fo ill at night, that he could have no bodily reft ; but remarks that God was hisfupportt and that he was not left deltitute of comfort in him. On Monday he continued very ill, but fpeaks of his mind*s being calm and compof- ed, refigned to the divine difpenfations, and content with his feeble ftate. And by the account he gives of himfelf, the remaining part of this week, he con- tinued very feeble, and for the moft part dejed;ed in mind, and enjoyed no great freedom nor fweet- nefs in fpiritual things ; excepting that for fome very fliort fpaces of time he had refrefliment and encouragement, which engaged his heart on divine things ; and fometimes his heart was melted with fpiritual afFed:ion.]
Lord's Day, ^une 29. — Preached both parts of the day, from John xiv. 19. Tet a little while ^ and the world feeth tne no fnore^ dec. God was pleafed to aiTifl ine, to afford me both freedom and power ; efpe- cially towards the clofe of my difcourfes, both fore- noon and afternoon. God*s power appeared in the affembly, in both exercifes. Numbers of God*s people were refrcfhed and melted with divine things ; one or two comforted who had been long under dif- trefs ; Convictions, in divers inftances, powerful- ly revived ; and one man in years much awakened, who had not long frequented our meeting, and ap- peared before as flupid as a itock. God amazingly re- newed and lengthened outmyftrength. I was fofpent at noon, that I could fcarce walk, and all my joints
trembled 3
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. ^27
trembled ; fo that I could not fit nor fo miich as hold my hand ftill : And yet God ftrengthencd me to preach with power in the afternoon ; although I had given out Word to my people, that 1 did not exped: to be able to do it. Spent fome time afterwards in converling, particularly, with feveral perfons, about their fpiritual ftate ; and had fome fatisfad:ion con- cerning one or two. Prayed afterwards with a fick child, and gave a w^ord of exhortation. Was aflift- ed in all my work. Bleffed be God. Returned home with more health than I went out with ; al- though my linen was wringing wet upon me, from a little after ten in the morning, until pad five in the afternoon. My fpirits alfo were confiderably refrefhed ; and my foul rejoiced in hope, that I had through grace done fomething for God. In the even-* ing, walked out, and enjoyed a fv/eet feafon in fe- cret prayer and praife. But O, I found the truth of the Pfalmift's words, My goodnefs extendeih not to thee ! I could not make any returns to God : I longed to live only to him, and to be in tutie for his praife and fervice forever. O, for fpirituality and holy fervency, that I might Jperid and 6e /pent fox God, to my lateft moment !
Mofiday, ^une 30.-^Spent the day in writing ; but under much weaknefs and diforder. Felt the la- bours of the preceding day j although my fpirits were fo refrefhed the evening before, that 1 was not then fenfible of my being fpent.
Tuefduy, July I. — In the afternoon vifited and preached to my people, from Heb. ix. 27. on occa- fion of fome perfons' lying at the point of death, in my congregation. God gave me fome afTiftance ; and his word made fome imprefTions on the audi- ence, in general. This was an agreeable and com- fortable evening to my foul : My fpirits were fome- what refreflied with a fmall degree of freedom and help enjoyed in my work.
^xts myu^E LIFE OF
[On Wednefcf^y he went to Newark, to a meeting of the Prefbytcry : Complains of lownefs of fpirits ; and greatly laments his fpending his time fo unfruit- fiilly. The femjiining part of the week he fpent there, and at Elizabeth-Town ,• and fpeaks of com- fort and divine affiftance from day to day : But yet greatly complains for want of more fpiritualityj
Lonfs Day, 'July 6."^[At Elizabeth-Town.] En- joyed fome compbfure and ferenity of mind, in the morning : Heard Mr. Dickinfon preach in the fore- noon, and was refrelhed with his difcourfe ; was in a melting frame, fome part of the time of fermon : Partook of the Lord*s flipper, and enjoyed fome fenfe of divine things in that ordinance. In the af- ternoon I preached from Ezek. xxxiii. \i. As I live, faith the Lord God, &c. God favoured me with free- dom and fervency ; and helped me to plead his caufe, beyond my own povi^er*
Monday, 'July 7. — My fpirits were confiderably refrefhed and railed, in the morning. There is no comfort, I find, in any enjoyment, without enjoying God, and being engaged in his fervice. In the even- ing had the moft agreeable converfation that ever I remember in all my life, upon God*s being all in all, and all enjoyments being jufl that to us which God makes them, and no more. It is good to begin and end with God. O, how does a fweet folemnity lay a foundation for true pleafure and happincfs !
Tucfday, July 8. — Rode home, and enjoyed fome agreeable meditations by the way.
' Wednefday , July 9. — Spent the day in writing. En- pyed fome comfort and rcf relliment of Ipirit in my evening retirement.
Thinjdiiy, July 10. — Spent moft of the day in writing. Towards night rode to Mr. Tennent's ; enjoyed fome agreeable converfation : Went home ill the evenipg, in a folemn fweet frame of mind ;
. was
Mr. D AVIPBRAINERD. t^^
was refrefhed in fecret/duties, longed to live wholly and only for God, and iaw plainly there was nothing in the world worthy of my afFedtion ; fo that my heart was dead to all below ; yet not through dejec- tion asatfome times, but from views of a better inheritance.
Friday, 'July 1 1 . — -Was in a calm compofed frame in the morning, efpecially in the feafon of my fccrct retirement : I think I was well pleafed with the will of God, whatever it was, or fhould be, in all refped:s I had then any thought of. Intending to adminifter the Lord's fupper the next Lord's Day, 1 looked to God for his prefence and afiiftance upon that occa- iion ; but felt a difpofition \to fay, ^he will df'ihs Lord be ^(jz/^", whether it be to give'me affiftanceot not. Spent fomc little time in writing : Vifited the Indians, and fpent fom'etime in ferious converfation with them ; thinking it not beft td pleach, by rea- fon that many of them were ahfcnt.! •" ' -
Saturday, 'July i2.-^This day was fpent in fafl:rn=g and prayer by my congregation, as 'preparatory to the facrament. I difcourfed^ both parts of the day, from Rom. iv. 25. Who zva^^ delivered for our offences, See. God gave me fome aiTiftance in my difcourfes, and fomcthing of divine power attended the word ; fo that this was an agreeable feafon. Afterwards led them to a folemn renewal of their covenant, and frefli dedication of themfelves to God. This Wa.^ a feafon both of folemnity and fvveetnefs, and God feem.cd to be i?j the midji of us. Returned to my lodgings, in the evening, in a comfortable frame of mind.
hordes Day, July 13. — In the forenoon difcourfcd on the bread of life, from John vi. "^^^ God gave me fome afTifhncc, in part of my difcourfe efpecially ; and there appeared fome tender affection in tlie af- fembly under divine truths ; my foul alfo was feme*.
P 3 what
230 TheLIFEof
what refrefhed. Adminiftered the facrament of tha Lord's fupper to thirty one perfons of the Indians. God feemed to be prefent in this ordinance ; the communicants were fweetly mehed and refrefhed, mofl of them. O, how they melted, even when the elements were firfl: uncovered ! There wasfcarcely a dry eye amongft them, when 1 took off the linen, and fhewed them the fymbols of Chrijl's broken body. Having refted a little, after theadminiftration of the facrament, I viiited the communicants, and found them generally in a fweet loving frame ; not unlike what appeared among them on the former facra- mental occafion, on April 27. In the afternoon difcourfed upon coming to Chriji, and the fand:ifica- tion of thofe who do {Oy from the fame vcrfe 1 in-. ilfted on in the forenoon. This was likewife an agreeable feafon, a feafonofmuch tendernefs, af- fection ^nd enlargement in divine fervice : And God, I am perfu^ded, crowned our affembly with his divipe prefence. I returned home much fpent, yet rejoicing in the goodnefs of God.
Mondciy^ 'July 14. — Went to my people and dif- courfed to them from Pfal. cxix. 106. I have /worn and I will perform it, &c. Obferved, i . That all God*s judgments or commandments are righteous. 2. That God's people have fworn to keep them ; and this theydoefpecially at the Lord's table. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence on the affembly, and fzonfiderable melting under the word. Afterwards, I led them to a renewal of their covenant before God (that they would watch over themfelves and one another, left they fhould fall into fin, and difhonour the name of Chrift) juft as I did on Monday, April 28. This tranfadtion was attended with great fo, lemnity : And God feemed to own it by exciting in them a fear and jealoufy of themfelves, left they Ihould fin againft God ; {o that the prefence of Go4
feemed
Mr. DA^VID BR AI nerd. 231
feemed to be amongft us in this concluiion of the fa- cramental folcmnity.
[The next day he fet out on a journey towards Philadelphia ; from whence he did not return until Saturday. He v/ent this journey, and (pent the week, under a great degree of illnefs of body, and dejedlionof mind.]
Lord's Day, July 20. — Preached twice to my peo- ple from John xvii. 24. Father, I will that they alfo whom thou haft given me, be with me, where I am, that they may behold my glory, which thou hajl given me. Was helped to difcourfe with great clearnefs and plainnefs in the forenoon. In the afternoon, enjoy- ed fome tendernefs, and fpake with fome influence. Divers were in tears ; and fome, to appearance, in diftrefs.
Monday, July 2i . — Preached to the Indians, chief- ly for the fake of fome ftrangers. Then propofed my defign of taking a journey fpeedily to Sufque- hannah : Exhorted my people to pray for me, that God would be with me in that journey, 6cc. Then chofe divers perfons of the congregation to travel with me. Afterwards, fpent time in dilcourfing to the ftrangers, and was fome what encouraged with them. Took care of my people's Iccular bulinefs, and was not a little exercifed with it. Had fome degree of com pofu re and comfort in fecret retirement.
Tuefday, July 27,. — Was in a dejetled frame, moft of the day : Wanted to wear out life and have it at an end ; but had fome deiires of living to God, and wearing out life for him. O that 1 could indeed do fo !
[The next day he went to Elizabeth-Town, to a meeting of the Prefbytery.]
Lord's Day, July 27. — Difcourfed to my people, in the forenoon, trom Luke xii. 37. on the duty and benefit of watching. God helped me in the latter
P 4 part
2^z The LIFE OF
part of my difcourfe, and the power of God appear* ed in the afTembly. In the afternoon, difcourfed from Luke xiii. 25. Here alfo I enjoyed feme af- liftance, and the Spirit of God feemed to attend what wasfpoken, fo that there was a great folemnity, and Conrie tears among Indians and others.
Monday, Ju/y 28. — Was very Weak, and fcarce able to perform any biiflnefs' at alj j but enjoyed fweetnefs and comfort in prayer, both morning and evening ; and was compofed and comfortable through the day. My mind was intenfe, and my heart fer- vent, at leaft in fome degree, in fecret duties ; and I longed to fpend and be /pent for God.
Tuefday, ^uly 29. — My mind was cheerful, and free from thofe melancholy damJDS, that I am often exercifed with : Had freedom in looking up to God, at fundry times in the day. In the evening I enjoy- ed a comfortable feafon in fecret prayer ; was help- ed to plead with God for my own dear people, that he would carry on his own blefled work among them j was aflifted alfo in praying for the divine prefence to attend me in my intended journey to Sufquehannah ; was alfo helped to remember dear brethren and friends in New-England ; fcarce knew how to leave the throne of grace, and it grieved me that I was obliged to go to bed ; I longed to ^,0 fomething for God, but knew not how. Biefled be God for this freedom from dejedtion.
Wednefday, 'July 30. — Was uncommonly comforta- ble, both in body and mind ; in the forenoon efpe- cially : My mind was folemn, I was affiftcd in my work, and God feemed to be near to me ; fo that the day was as comfortable as mcfl I have enjoyed for fome time. In the evening was favoured with affiftance in fecret prayer, and felt muchwis I did the evening before. BlelTed be God for that freedom I then enjoyed at the throne cf grace, for my--
felf,
Mr. DAVID BRAINiERD. 53^
felf, my people, and my dear friends. // is good for me to draw near to God.
[He Teems to have continued very .much in the fame free, comfortable ftate of mind the next day.] •
Friday^ Avguft i . — In the evening enjoyed a fweet feafon in lecret prayer ; clouds of darkncfs ,and per- plexing care were Ivveetly fcattered,. -and rnothing anxious remained. O, how ferene was my mind at this feafon ! How free from that dJAradiing con- cern I have often felt ! T^hy will he d&3i;/^,-,was a peti- tion fweet to my foul ; and if God had bidden me choofe for myfelf in any affair, I Uxould have chofen rather to have referred the choice to him ; for 1 faw he was infinitely wife, and could not do any thing amifs, as I was in danger of doing. Was affifted in prayer, for my dear llock^ that God would pro- mote his own work among them, aivl that God would go with me in my intended journey to Suf- quehannah ; was helped to remember dear friends in New-England, and my dear brethren in the min- istry. I found enough in the fweet duty of prayer to have engaged me to continue in it the whole night, would my bodily ftate have admitted of it. O how fweet it is, to be enabled heartily to fay, Lord^ not my willy but thine be done !
Saturday t Augufi 2. — Near night preached from Matth. xi. 29. Was confiderably helped ; and the prefence of God feemed to be fomewhat rertiarkably in the aflembly j divine truths made powerful im- preffions, both upon flints and fmners. Blefled be God for fuch a revival among us. In the evening was very weary, but found my fpirits fupported and refrefhed.
hordes Day, Augufi 3. — Difcourfed to my people, in the forenoon, from ColoiT. iii. 4. Oblerved that Chrift is the believer's life. God helped me and gave me his prefence in this diibourfe ; and it was
a
«34 The LIFE of
a feafon of confiderable power in the aflembly. In the afternoon preached from Luke xix. 41 . 4:2. I enjoyed fome afliflance j though not fo much as in the forenoon.
Monday y Augujl 4. — Spent the day in writing ; enjoyed much freedom and affiftance in my work : Was in a compofed and comfortable frame, moft of the day j and in the evening enjoyed fome fweetnefs in prayer. BlefTed be God, my fpirits were yet up, and I was free from finking damps ; as I have been in general ever fince I came from Elizabeth-Town laft. O what a mercy is this 1
Tuefday^ Augujl 5. — Towards night, preached at the funeral of one of my chriftians, from Ifai. Ivii. a. Was opprefTed with the nervous headach, and confiderably deje(fted : However, had a little free- dom, fome part of the time I was difcourfing. Was extremely weary in the evening ; but notwithftand- ing enjoyed fome liberty and cheerfulnefs of mind in prayer ; and found the dejed:ion that I feared, much removed, and my fpirits confiderably re- frefhed.
[He continued in a very comfortable cheerful frame of mind the next day, with his heart enlarg- ed in the fervice of God.]
Thurfdayy Augujl 7. — Rode to my houfe, where I fpent the laft winter, in order to bring fome things I needed for my Sufquehannah journey : Was re- frefhed to fee that place, which God fo marvellouf- ly vifited with the Ihowers of his grace. O how amazingly did the power of God often appear there ! Blefsthe Lordy O myjouly and Jorge t not alibis benefits,
[The next day, he fpeaks of liberty, enlarge- ment, and fweetnefs of mind, in prayer and relig- ious converfation.]
Saturday y Augujl 9. — In the afternoon, vifited my people ; fet their affairs in order, as much as polli-
ble,
Mr. DAVID BRA INERD. 23^
ble, and contrived for them the management of their worldly bufinefs : Difcourfed to them in a folemn manner, and concluded with prayer. Was compof- ed, and comfortable in the evening, and fomewhat fervent in fecret prayer : Had fome fenfe and view of the eternal world, and found a ferenity of mind.
0 that I could magnify the Lord for any freedom ho affords me in prayer.
Lord's Dayy Auguft 10. — Difcourfed to my peo- ple, both parts of the day, from Adts iii. 19. In difcourfing of repentance, in the forenoon, God helped me, fo that my difcourfe was fearching. Some were in tears, both of the Indians and white people i and the word of God was attended with fome pow- er. In theintermiffion feafon, I was engaged in dif- courfing to fome in order to their baptifm ; as well as with one who had then lately met with fome com- fort, after fpiritual trouble and diflrcfs. In the af- ternoon, was fomewhat affifted again, though weak and weary. Afterwards baptized fix perfons ; three adults, and three children. Was in a comfortable frame in the evening, and enjoyed fome fatisfa(5lion in fecret prayer. I fcarce ever in my life felt my- felf fo full of tendernefs, as this day.
Monday, Auguji 1 1 .—Being about to fet out on a journey to Sufquehannah the next day, with leave of Providence, I fpent fome time this day in prayer with my people, that God would blefs and fucceed my intended journey, that he would fend forth his bleffed Spirit with his word, and fet up his kingdom among the poor Indians in the wildernefs. While
1 was opening and applying part of the cxth and iid Pfalms, the power cf God feemed to defcend on the affemblyin fome meafurej and while I was making the firfl prayer, numbers were melted, and I found fome affedtionate enlargement of foul myfelf. Preached from 4ds iv. 31. God helped me, and
my
^3^ T H E .L. IlFvEi "^ ^
my interpreter alfo : There ^H^asi'fhaking and melt- ing among us; and divers, I doubt not, were in feme meafui'c filled with the Holy Ghoji. After- wards, Mr. M 'Knight prayed : 1 then opened the two laft flanzas of the Ixxiid. Pfal. at which time God was prefent with us ; efpecially while I infift- edupon the promife of all nations* bleffing the great Redeemer : My foul was refrefhed, to think, that this day, this bleiTed glorious feafon, fhouid fufely come j and I truft, numbers of my dear people were alfo refrefhed. Afterwards prayed; bad fome free- dom, but was almofb fpent : Then walked out, and left my people to carry on religious exercifes among themfelves : They prayed repeatedly, and fung, while I refted and refrefhed myfelf. Afterwards, went to the meeting ; prayed with, and difmifTed the affembly.
[The next day he fet out on his journey towards Sufquehannah, and fix of his chriflian Indians with him, whom hehadchofen out of his congregation, as thofe that he judged mofl fit to aflill: him in the bul- inefs he was going upon. He took his way through Philadelphia; intending to go to Sufquehannah riv- er, far down along, where it is fettled by the white people, below the country inhabited by the Indians ; and fo to travel up the river to the Indian habita- tions : For although this was much further about, yet hereby he avoided the huge mountains, and hid- eous wildernefs, that muil be crofTed in the nearer way ; which in time paft he had found to be ex- tremely difiieult and fatiguing. He rode this week as far as Charleflown, a place of that name about thirty miles weflvvard of Philadelphia ; where he arrived on Friday : And in his way hither, was for the moft part in a compofed comfortable flate of mind.]
Saturday^ Aiiguji i6. — [At Charleflown.] It be- ing a day kept by the people of the place where I
now
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. ^37
now was, as prepanitory to the celebration of the Lord's flipper, I tarried ; heard Mr. Treat preach 5 and then preached myfelf. God gave me fomegood! degree of freedom, and helped me to difcourfe with^ warmth and application to the confcience. After- wards, I was refrelhed in fpirit, though much tired ; and fpent the evening agreeably, having fome free- dom in prayer, as well as chriftian converfation.
Lord's DaVy Augiifi 17. — Enjoyed liberty, com- pofure, and fatisfadion, in the fecret duties of the morning ; Had my heart fomewhat enlarged in prayer for dear friends, as w^il as for myfelf. In the forenoon, attended Mr. Treat's preaching, par- took of the Lord's fupper, five of my people alfo communicating in this holy ordinance : I enjoyed fome enlargement and outgoing of foul in this feafon* •In the afternoon, preached from Ezck. xxxiii. 11. Enjoyed not fo much i'enfible affiifance as the day before ; however, was helped to fome fervency in ad dreffing immortal fouls.
Monday^ At/gufl rS.—Rode on my way towards Paxton, upon Sufquehannah river. Felt my fpirits fink, towards night, fo that I had little comfort.
Tifefday, Aiigujt 19. — Rode forward flill ; and at night lodged by the fide of Sufquehannah. Was weak and difordered, both this and the preceding day, and found my fpirits confiderably damped; meeting with none that I thought godly people.
JVednefdayy Augnjl 20. — Having lain in a cold fweat all night, I coughed much bloody matter this morn- ing, and was under great diforder of body, and iir>t a little melancholy ; but Vv'hat gave me ibme encour- agement, was, I had a fecret hope that I might fpeedily get a difmiffion from earth and all its toih and forrows. Rode this day to one Chambers's up'^^ on Sufquehannah, and there lodged. Was much af- flicted in the evening, with an ungodly crew, drink-
ino-,
238 TheLIFEof
ing, fwcaring, &c. O, what a hell it would be, to be numbered with the ungodly ! Enjoyed fome agree- able converfation with a traveller, who feemed to have Ibme relifh of true religion.
Thurfday^ Augujl 21 . — Rode up the river about fif- teen miles, and there lodged, in a family that ap- peared quite deftituteof God. Laboured to difcourfe with the man about the life of religion, but found him very artful in evading fuch converfation. O, what a death it is to fome, to hear of the things of God ! Was out of my element j but was not fo de- je(5led as at fome times.
Friday^ Augujl 21. — Continued my courfe up the river ; my people now being with me, who before were parted from me : Travelled above all the En- glifli fcttlements ; at night, lodged in the open woods j and flept with more comfort, than while among an ungodly company of white people. En- joyed fome liberty in fecret prayer, this evening ; and was helped to remember dear friends, as well as my dear flock, and the church of God in general.
Saturday, Augujl 23. — Arrived at the Indian town, called Shaumoking, near night. Was not fo deject- ed as formerly ; but yet fomewhat exercifed. Felt fomewhat compofed in the evening ; enjoyed fome freedom in leaving my all with God : Through the great goodnefs of God, I enjoyed fome liberty of mind ; was not diftreffed with a defpondency, as frequently heretofore.
hordes Day, Augujl 24. — Towards noon vifite.d fome of the Delawares, and difcourfed with them about chriflianity. hi the afternoon, difcourfed to the king, and others, upon divine things; who feem- ed difpofed to hear. Spent moft of the day in thefe exercifes. In the evening, enjoyed fome comfort and fatisfadlion ; and efpecially had fome fweetnefs in fecret prayer : This duty was made fo agreeable
to
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. ^39
to me, that I loved to walk abroad and repeatedly en- gage in it. O, how comfortable is a little glimpfe of God 1
Monday J Augujl 25.— Spent moft of the day in writing. Sent out my people that were with me, to talk with the Indians, and contrad a friendfliip^ and familiarity with them, that I might have a bet- ter opportunity of treating with them about chrif- tianity. Some good feemed to be done by their vif- its this day ; divers appeared willing to hearkeh to chriftianity. My fpirits were a little refreflied, this evening ; and I found fome liberty and fatisfa<5tion in prayer.
Tuefday, Augujl 26. — About noon, difcourfed to a confiderable number of Indians : God helped me, I am perfuaded : I was enabled to fpeak with much plainnefs, and fome warmth and power. The dif- courfe had imprcffion upon fome, and made them appear very ferious. I thought, things now appear- ed as encouraging as they did at Crofweekfung, at the time of my firft vifit to thofe Indians. I was a little encouraged : I prefTed things with all my might ; and called out my people who were then prefent, to give in their teflimony for God ; which they did. Towards night, was refrefhed ; felt a heart to pray for the fetting up of God's kingdom here ; as well as for my dear congregation below, and my dear friends elfewhere.
Thurfday^ Auguji 28. -^In the forenoon, was un- der great concern of mind about my work. Was vifited by fome who defired to hear me preach ; dif- courfed to them, in the afternoon, with fome ferven- cy, and laboured to perfuade them to turn to God. Was full of concern for the kingdom of Chrift, and found fome enlargement of foul in prayer, both in fecret and in my family. Scarcely ever faw more clearly, than this day, that it is God*s work to con-
VCa-C
iZ40 T H E L I F E o F
vert fouls, and efpecially poor heathens : I knew, 1 could not touch them ; I f'avv, I could only fpeak to dry bories^ but could give them no fenfe of what I faid. My eyes were up to God for help ; I could fay, the work was his ; and if done, the glory would be his.
Saturday^ Augujl 30. — Spent the forenoon in vifit- ing a trader, that came down the river fick ; who appeared as ignorant as any Indian. In the after- noon, fpent fome time in writing, reading, and prayer.
Lord's Day, Augujl '^i. — Spent much time, in the morning, in fecret duties : Found a weight upon my fpirit, and could not but cry to God with con- cern and engagement of foul. Spent fome time alfo in reading and expounding God's word to my dear family, that was with mc, as well as in finging and prayer with them. Afterwards, fpake the word of God to fome few of the Sufquehannah Indians. In the afternoon, felt very weak and feeble. Near night, was fbmething refrefhed in mind, with fome views of things relating to my great work. O, how heavy is my work, when faith cannot take hold of an almighty arm, for the performance of it ! Ma- ny times have I been ready to fink in this> cafe. BlefTed be God,* that I may repair to a full fountain.
Mo)%day, September i .—Set out on a journey to- wards a place called the Great-Ifland, about fifty miles diflant from Shaumoking, in the northweflern branch of Sufquehannah. Travelled fome part of the way, and at night lodged in the woods. Was exceeding feeble, this day, and fweat much the night following.
Tuefday, September 1. — Rode forward ; but no faft- er than my people went on foot. Was very weak, on this, as well as the preceding days : Was {o fee- ble and faint, that I feared it would Jcill me to lie .
out
I
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 241
out in the open air ; and fome of our company be- ing parted from us, fo that we had now no axe with us, I had no way but to climb into a young pine tree, and with my knife to lop the branches, and fo made a (belter from the dew. But the evening be- ing cloudy and very likely for rain, I was ilill un- der fears of being extremely expofed : Sweat much in the night, fo that my linen was almoft wringing wet all night. I fcarce ever was more weak and weary, than this evening, when I was able to fit up at all. This was a melancholy fituation I was in ; but I endeavoured to quiet myfelf with confidera- tions of the poflibility of my being in much worfe circumftances amongft enemies, &c.
Wednejdayy September'^. — Rode to the Delaware- Town ; found divers drinking and drunken. Dif- courfed with fome of the Indians about chriftianity ; obferved my interpreter much engaged and affifted in his work : Some few perlbns feemed to hear with great earneftnefs and engagement of foul. About noon, rode to a fmall town of Shauwaunoes, about eight miles diftant ; fpent an hour or two there, and returned to the Delaware-Town, and lodged there. Was fcarce ever more confounded with a ienfe of my own unfruitfulnefs, and unfitnefs for my work, than now. O, what a dead, heartlcfs, barren, unprofita- ble wretch did I now fee myfelf to be I
Thurfday^ September ^. — Difcourfed with the Iri- dians, in the morning, about chriftianity ; my inter- preter, afterwards, carrying on the difcourfe, to a confiderable length : Some few appeared well dif- pofed, and fomewhat afrc(5led. Left this place, and returned towards Shaumoking ; and at night lodged in the place where I lodged the Monday night be- fore : Was in very uncomfortable circumftances in the evening, my people being belated, and not com- ''^i\ ^0 me until paft ten at night ; fo that I had no
24^ The LIFE of
fire to drefs any viduals, or to keep me warm, of keep off wild beafls ; and I was fcarce ever more weak and worn out in all my life. However, I lay down and flept before my people came up, expect- ing nothing elfe but to fpend the whole night alone and without fire,
Friday, September 5. — Was exceeding weak, fo that I could fcarcely ride ; it feemed fometimes as if I mufl fall off from my horfe, and lie in the open woods: However, got to Shaumoking towards night: Felt fomethingof a fpirit of thankfulnefs, that God had fo far returned me : Was refrefhed, to fee one of my chriflians, whom I left here in my late excurfion. Saturday y September 6. — Spent the day in a very weak flate ; coughing and fpitting blood, and hav- ing little appetite to any food I had with me : Was able to do very little, except difcourfe a while of di- vine things to my own people, and to fome few I met with. Had, by this time, very little life or heart to fpeak for God, through feeblenefs of body, and flat- nefs of fpirits.
Lord*s Day, September 7. — Was much in the fame weak ftate of body, and afflicted frame of mind, as in the preceding day : My foul was grieved, and mourned, that I could do nothing for God. Read and expounded fome part of God's word to my own dear family, and fpent fom.e time in prayer with them ; difcourfed alfo a little to the pagans : But fpent the Sabbath with little comfort.
Monday, September 8. — Spent the forenoon among the Indians ; in the afternoon left Shaumoking, and returned down the river, a few miles. Had propof- ed to have tarried a confiderable time longer among the Indians upon Sufquehannah, but was hindered from purfuing my purpofe by the ficknefs that pre- vailed there, the weakly circumftances of my own people that were with me, and efpecially my own
extraordinary
«
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 243
extraordinary weaknefs, having been exercifed with great nod:arnal fweats, and a coughing up of blood* in aim oft the whole of the journey ; and was a great part of the time fo feeble and faint, that it feemed as though I never fhould be able to reach home ; and at the fame time very deftitute of the comforts and even neceffaries of life ; at leafl, what was neceflary for one in fo weak a ftate.
Tuefdayy Septe?nber^. — Rode down the river, neat thirty miles. Was extreme weak, much fatigued, and wet with a thunder ftorm. Difcourfed with fome warmth and clofenefs to fome poor ignorant fouls, on the life and power of religion ; what were and what were not the evidences of it. They feem- ed much aftonifhed, when they faw my Indians alk a blcfling and give thanks at dinner ; concluding that a very high evidence of grace in them : But were afloniflied, when I infifted that neither that, nor yet fecret prayer, was any fure evidence of grace. O the ignorance of the world ! How are fome empty outward forms, that may all be en- tirely felfifli, miftaken for true religion, infalli- ble evidences of it ! The Lord pity a deluded world.
Thurfday^ September \ i . — Rode homeward ; but was very weak, and fometimes fcarce able to ride. Had a very importunate invitation to preach at a meeting houfe I came by, the people being then gathering ; but could not by reafon of weaknefs. Was religned and compofed under my weaknefs ; but was much exercifed with concern for my com- panions in travel, whom I had left with much regret, fome lame, and fome iick.
Friday y September 12, — Rode about fifty miles ; and came juft at night to a chriftian friend's houfe, about twenty five miles weftward from Philadel- phia, Was courteoufly received, and kindly enter-*
Qj5 tained,
244 The LiFE of
tained, and found myfelf much refrefhed in the midfl: of my weaknefs and fatigues.
Saturday y September \^. — Was flill agreeably enter- tained with chriftian friendfliip, and all things nec- effary for my weak circumftances : In the afternoon heard Mr. Treat preach ; and was refreflied in con- verfation with him, in the evening.
hordes Day, September 14. — At the defire of Mr. Treat and the people, I preached both parts of the day, but fhort, from Luke xiv. 23. God gave me fome freedom and warmth in my difcourfe ; and 1 truft, helped me in fome meafure to labour in Jin- glenefs of heart. Was much tired in the evening, but was comforted with the moft tender treatment I ever met with in my life. My mind through the whole of this day was exceeding calm ; and I could afk for nothing in prayer, with any encouragement of foul, but that the will of God might be done.
Monday, September 15. — Spent the whole day, in concert with Mr. Treat, in endeavours to compofe a difference, fubfifting between certain perfons in the congregation where we now were : There feem- ed to be a bleiling on our endeavours. In the even- ing, baptized a child : Was in a calm compofed frame, and enjoyed, I truft, a fpiritual fenfe of di- vine things, while adminiftering the ordinance. Af- terwards, fpent the time in religious converfation,. until late in the night. This was indeed a pleafant agreeable evening.
Friday, September 19. — Rode from Mr. Treat's to Mr. Stockton's at Prince-Town : Was extreme weak, but kindly received and entertained. Spent the evening with fome degree of fatisfadion.
Saturday, September 20. — Arrived among my own people, juft at night : Found them praying togeth- er : Went in and gave them fome account of God's dealings with me and my companions ixi the jous-
ney i
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 245
ney ; which feemed affecting to them. I then pray- ed with them, and thought the divine prefence was amongft us j divers were mehed into tears, and feemed to have a fenfe of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged foon to repair to my lodgings, and felt much worn out in the evening. Thus God has carried me through the fatigu&s and perils of an- other journey to Sufquehannah, and returned me again in fafety, though under a great degree of bod- ily indifpoiition. O that my foul were truly thank~ ful for renewed inftances of mercy ! Many hard- fhips and diftreffes I endured in this journey : But the Lord fupported me under them ail.
(X.3 PART
226 TheLIFEop
PART vir.
After his Return from his Iqjl 'Journey to Susque- HANNAH, until his DzKTYi,
LORD*s DAY, September 2t, 1746.--I was fo weak I could not preach, nor pretend to ride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon rode out j fat in my chair, and difcourfed to my people from Rom. xiv. 7. 8. I was ftrengthened and helped in my difcourfe : And there appeared fomething agreeable in the aflembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely tired ; but thankful, that I had been enabled to fpeak a word to my poor people I had been fo long abfent from. Was able to deep very little this night, through wearinefsand pain. O how bleffed fhould I be, if the little I do were all done with right views ! O that whether / live I might live to the Lord, &c.
Saturday, September 27. — Spent this day, as well ?is the whole week pad, under a great degree of bod- ily weaknefs, exercifed with a violent cough, and a confiderable fever ; had no appetite to any kind of food ; and frequently brought up what I eat, as foon is it was down ; and oftentimes had little red in my bed, by reafon of pains in my bread and back : Was able, however, to ride over to my people, about two miles, every day, and take fome care of thofe who •were then at work upon a fmall houfe for me to re- fide in amongfl the Indians. I was fometimes fcarce able to walk, and never able to fit up the whole day, through the week. Was calm and compofed, and but little exercifed with melanrholy damps, as in
forme?
Mr. DA VID BRA I NERD. 247
former feafons of weaknefs. Whether I fhould ever recover, or no, feemed very doubtful ; but this was many times a comfort to me, that life and death did not depend upon my choice. I was pleafed, to think that he who is infinitely wife, had the determination of this matter ; and that I had no trouble, to confid- er and weigh things upon all fides, in order to make the choice, whether I would live or die. Thus my time was confumed ; I had little ftrcngth to pray, none to write or read, and fcarce any to meditate : But through divine goodnefs, I could with great compofure look death in the face, and frequently with fenfible joy. O, how bleffed it is, to be habit- ually prepared for death ! The Lord grant, that I maybe actually ready alfo.
Lord*s Dayy Septejnbcr 28. — Rode to my people, and, though under much weaknefs, attempted to preach, from 2 Cor. xiii. 5. Difcourfed about half an hour ; at which feafon divine power feemed to at- tend the word : But being extreme weak, I was obliged to defift j and after a turn of faintnefs, with much difficulty, rode to my lodgings ; where betak- ing myfelf to my bed, I lay in a burning fever, and almoft delirious, for feveral hours ; until towards morning, my fever went off with a violent fvveat. I have often been feverifli, and unable to reft quietly after preaching ; but this was the moft fevere dif- trciiing turn, that ever preaching brought upon me. Yet I felt perfectly at reft in my own mind, becaufe I had made my utmofl: attempts to fpeak for God, and knew I could do no more.
Tuefday, September y). — Yeflcrday, and today, was in the fame weak ftate, or rather weaker than in days paft ; was fcarce able to fit up half the day. Was in a compofed frame of mind, remarkably free from dcjediion and melancholy damps ; as God has been pleafed, in great meafure, to deliver m€ from thefc Qj^ unhappy
248 TheLIFEof
unhappy glooms, in the general colirfe of my pref- ent wcaknefs hitherto, and alfo from a peevifh fro- ward fpirit : And O, how great a mercy is this ! O that I might always be perfed:ly quiet in feafons of greateft weaknefs, although nature fhould fink and fail.
Saturday^ OBober 4. — Spent the former part of this week under a great degree of infirmity and dif- order, as I had done feveral weeks before : Was able however, to ride a little' every day, although unable to fit up half of the day, until Thurfday. Took fome care daily of fome perfons at work upon my houfe. On Friday, afternoon, found myfelf won- derfully revived and flrengthened; and having fome time before given notice to my people, and thofe of them at the Forks of Delaware, in particular, that I defigned, with the leave of Providence, to adminifter the facrament of the Lord's fupper upon the firft Sabbath in Odlober, the Sabbath now approaching, on Friday afternoon I preached, preparatory to the facrament, from 2 Cor. xiii. 5. Finifliing what I had propofed to offer upon the fubjecH: the Stibbath before. The fermon was bleffed of God to the ffir- ring up religious affection, and a fpirit of devotion, in the people of God ; and to the greatly afFed:ing one who had backflidden from God, which caufed him to judge and condemn himfelf. This being Saturday, I difcourfed particularly with divers of the communicants -, and this afternoon preached from Zech. xii. 10. There feemed to be a tender melting, and hearty mourning for iin, in numbers in the con- gregation. My foul was in a comfortable frame, and 1 enjoyed freedom and affiflance in pubJick fer- vice : Was myfelf, as well as mofl of the congrega- tion, much affedcd with the humble confefTion, and apparent brokenheartednefs of the forementioned backllidcr j and could not but rejoice;, that God had
given
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 249
given him fuch a fenfe of his fin and unworthinefs. Was extremely tired in the evening ; but lay on my bed, and difcourfed to my people.
Lord*s Day, OEiobcr 5. — Was ftill very weak j and, in the morning, confiderably afraid 1 fhould not be able to go through the work of the day ; having much to do, both in private and publick. Difcourf- ed before the adminiiiration of the facrament, from John i. 29. Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the JiJi of the world. Where 1 confidered, I. In what refpedts Chrift is called the Lamb of God ; and ob- fervcd that he is fo called, i. From the purity and innocency of his nature. 2. From his meeknefs and patience under fufferings. '3. From his being that atonement, which was pointed out in the facrifice of lambs, and in particular by the pafchal lamb. II. Confidered how and in what fcnfe he takes away the Jin of the world : And obferved, that the means and manner, in and by which he takes away the fins of men, was his giving himfelffor them-, doing and fuf- fering in their room and flcad, &c. And he is faid to take away xhtjin of the world, not becaufe all the world fliall actually be redeemed from fin by him ; but becaufe, i . He has done and fuftered fufiicient to anfwer for the fins of the world, and fo to redeem all mankind. 2. He actually does take away the fins of the eled; world. And III. Confidered how we are to behold him, in order to have our fins tak- en away, i . Not with our bodily eyes : Nor 2. hy imagining him on the crofs, &c. But by a fpiritual view of his glory and goodnefs, engaging the foul to rely on him, &c. The divine pref-nce attended this difcourfe ; and the affembly was confiderably melt- ed with divine truths. After fermon baptized two pcrfons. Then adminiftered the Lord's luppcr to near forty communicants, of the Indians, befides divers dear chriftians of the white people. It feem-
cd
a50 The LIFE o^
cd to be a feafon of divine power and grace; and num- bers feemed to rejoice in God. O.the fweet union and harmony then appearingamong the religious people ! My foul was rcfreflied, and my religious friends, of the white people, with me. After the facrament, could fcarcely get home, though it was not more than twenty rods ; but was fupported and led by my friends, and laid on my bed ; where I lay in pain until fome time in the evening ; and then was able to fit up and difcourfe with friends. O how was this day fpent in prayers and praifes among my dear people ! One might hear them, all the morning before publick worfhip, and in the evening, until near midnight, praying and finging praifes to God, in one or other of their houfes. My foul was re- freflied, though my body was weak.
[This week he went in a very low ftate, in two days, to Elizabeth-Town, to attend the meeting of the Synod there : But wasdifappointed by its remov- al to New-York. He continued in a very compofed comfortable frame of mind.]
Saturday^ OBober ii. — Towards night was feized with an ague, which was followed with a hard fever, and confiderable pain : Was treated with great kindnefs, and was afliamed to fee fo much concern about fo unworthy a creature, as I knew myfelf (o be. Was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly fubmiffive, with regard to life or death. It was in- deed a peculiar fatisfadlion to nie, to think, that it was not my concern or hufinefs to determine wheth- er I fliould live or die. I likcwife felt peculiarly I'at- isfied, while under this uncommon degree of difor- der ; being now fully convinced of my being really weak, and unable to perform rny work; whereas at other times my mind was perplexed with fears, that I was a mifimprover of time, by conceiting 1 was fick; when I was not in reality fo. O, how precious
is
Mr. DAVID BR A IN ERD. 251
is time ! And how guilty it makes me feel, when I think I have trifled away and mifimproved it, or neglected to fill up each part of it with duty, to the utmoft of my ability and capacity !
Lord's Day y O^ober 12. — Was fcarce able to fit up, in the forenoon: In the afternoon, attended publick worfhip, and was in a compofed and com- fortable frame.
[The following week, he went back to his Indians at Cranberry, to take fome care of their fpiritual and temporal concerns : And was much fpent with rid- ing ; though he rode but a little way in a day.]
Friday, October 24. — Spent the day in overfeeing and directing my people, about mending their fence, and fecuring their wheat. Found that all their con- cerns of a fecular nature depended upon me. Was fomewhat refrelhed in the evening, having been able to do fomething valuable in the day time. O, how it pains me, to fee time pafs away, when I can do nothing to any purpofe !
Saturday, 0^ober2^. — Viilted fome of my peo- ple ; fpent fome time in writing, and felt much bet- ter in body, than ufual : When it was near night, I felt fo well, that I had thoughts of expounding : But in the evening was much difordered again, and fpent the night in coughing, and fpittingof blood.
Lord's Day, October 26. — In the morning, was ex- ceeding weak: Spent the day, until near night, in pain to fee my poor people, wandering as JJjeep ?iot having aJJ:tepherd, waiting and hoping to fee me able to preach to them before night : It could not but diftrefs me, to fee them in this cafe, and to find my- felf unable to attempt any tiling for their fpiritual benefit. But towards night, finding myfelf a little better, I called them together to my own houfe.and fat down and read and expounded Matth. v. i. — 16. This difcourfe, though delivered in much weaknefs,
was
25a TheLIFEof
was attended with power to many of the hearers -, efpecially what was fpoken upon the laft of thofe verfes ; where I infifted on the infinite wrong done to reHgion, by having our Hght become darknefs, in- flead oiJhini?ig before men. As many in the congre- gation were now deeply affedted with a fenfe of their deficiency, in regard of a fpirtual converfation, that might recommend rehgion to others, and as a fpirit of concern and watchfulnefs feemed to be excited in them j fo there was one, in particular, that had fall- en into the fin of drunkennefs, fome time before, who was now deeply convinced of his fin, and the great dilhonour done to religion by his mifcondud:, and difcovered a great degree of grief and concern on that account. My foul was refrefhed to fee this.
Mo?2dayy 05iober 1"] , — Spent the day in overfeeing and directing the Indians, about mending the fence round their wheat : Was able to walk with them, and contrive their bufinefs, all the forenoon. In the af- ternoon, u^as vifited by two dear friends, and fpent fome time in converfation with them ; towards night, was able to walk out, and take care of the Indians again. In the evening, enjoyed a very peaceful frame.
Tuefday, October 28. — Rode to Prince-Town, in a v^ery weak ftate : Had fuch a violent fever, by the way, that I was forced to alight at a friend's houfe ; and lie down for fome time. Near night was vifit- ed by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty and his wife, and another friend. My fpirits were refreflicd to fee them ; but I was furprifed, and even afhamed, that they had taken fo much pains as to ride thirty or forty miles to fee me ! Was able to fit up mofl of the evening ; and fpent the time in a very comfort- able manner with my friends.
Wedjicfday, OHober 29. — Rode about (en miles with my friends that came yefterday to fee me ; and
then
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 255
then parted with them, all but one, who ftayed on purpofe to keep me company, and cheer my fpirit^. Was extremely weak, and very feverifli, efpecially towards nip;ht j but enjoyed comfort and fatisfaftion. Lord^s Day, 'November 1. — Was unable to preachy and fcarcely able to fit, the whole day. Was griev- ed, and aimoft funk, to fee my poor people deftitute of the means of grace ; efpecially confidering they could not read, and fo were under great difad vanta- ges for fpending the Sabbath comfortably. O me- thought, I could be contented to be fick, if my poor flock had a faithful paftor to feed them with fpiritual knowledge! A view of their want of this was more afflidtive to me, than all my bodily illnefs. Monday^ November 3. — Being now in fo weak and low a ftate, that I was utterly uncapable of per- forming my work, and having little hope of recov- ery, unlefs by much riding, I thought it my duty to take a lengthy journey into New-England, and to divert mxyfelf among my friends, whom I had not now feen for a long time. And accordingly took leave of my congregation this day. Before I left my peo- ple, 1 vifited them all in their refpedlive houfes, and difcourfed to each one, as I thought mofi: proper and fuitable for their circumftances, and found great free- dom and affiftance in fo doing : I fcarcely \^{x. one houfe but fome were in tears ; and many were not only affedled with my beinof about to leave them, but with the folemn addreiles 1 made them upon divine things ; for I was helped to be fervent in Spirit^ while 1 difcourfed to them. When I had thus gone through my congregation, which took me moft of the day, and had taken leave of them, and of thefchool, I left home, and rode about two miles to the houfe where 1 lived in the fummer pail, and there lodged. Was refreflied, this evening, in that I had left my congregation fowcUdifpofed ar.dafFeded,
and
254 T H E L I F E o F
and that I bad been fo much affifled in making my farewell addrefles to them.
Tuefday, November 4. — Rode to Woodbridge, and lodged with Mr. Pierfon ; continuing flill in a very weak ftate.
Wednefday^ November 5. — Rode to Elizabeth- Town ; intending, as foon as poffible, to profecute my journey into New-England. But was, in an hour or two after my arrival, taken much worfe.
After this, for near a week, was confined to my chamber, and moft of the time to my bed : And then fo far revived as to be able to walk about the houfe ; but was ftill confined within doors.
In the beginning of this extraordinary turn of dif- order, after my coming to Elizabeth-Town, I was enabled, through mercy, to maintain a calm, compof- cd, and patient fpirit, as I had been before from the beginning of my weaknefs. After I had been in Elizabeth-Town about a fortnight, and had fo far recovered that I was able to walk about houfe, upon a dayof thankfgiving kept in this place, I was enabled to recall and recount over the mercies of God, in fuch a manner as greatly affedted me, and filled me, I think, with thankfulnefs and praife to God ; Efpecially my foul praifed him for his work of grace among the Indians, and the enlargement of his dear kingdom : My foul blefifed God for what he is in himfelf, and adored him, that he ever would difplay himfelf to creatures : I rejoiced that he was God, and longed that all fhould know it and feel it, and rejoice in it. hordy glorify thyfelj\ was the de- fire and cry of my foul. O that all people might love and praife the bleffed God : That he might have all poffible honour and glory from the intelli- gent world.
After this comfortable thankfgiving feafon, I fre- quently enjoyed freedom and enlargement, and en^
gagedncfs
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 255
gaged nefs of foul, in prayer, and was enabled to in- tercede with God for my dear congregation, very often for every family, and every perfon, in particu- lar ; and it was often a great comfort to me, that I could pray heartily to God for thofe, to whom I could not fpeak, and whom I v/as not allowed to fee. But at other times, my fpirits were fo flat and low, and my bodily vigour fo much wafted, that I had fcarce any affedions at all.
In December 1 had revived fo far as to be able to walk abroad, and vilit friends, and feemed to be oa the gaining hand with regard to my health, in the maini until Lord*s Day, December 21.
After this, having perhaps taken fome cold, I be- gan to decline as to bodily health ; and contiuned to do fo, until the latter end of January, 1746,7.
On Lord's Day, February i, though in a very weak and low ftate, 1 enjoyed a considerable deal of comfort and fweetnefs in divine things ; and was enabled to plead and ufe argum.ents with God in prayer, I think, with a child like fpirit. That paf- fage of fcripture occurred to my mind, and gave me great affiftance, If ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly 'Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ajk him? This text I was helped to plead and indft up- on • and faw the divine faithfulnefs engaged for dealing with me better than any earthly parent can do with his child. This feafon fo refreflied my foul that my body feemed alfo to be a gainer by ic» And from this time, I began gradually to amend. And as 1 recovered fome ftrength, vigour and fpirit, I found at times fome freedom and life in the exer- cifes of devotion, and fome longings after fpiritualitj'' and a life of ufefulnefs to the interefts of the great Re- deemer; although, at other times, I was awfully barren andlifelefs, andoutof frame for the things of God; fo
that
^56 TheLIFEof
that I was ready often to cry out, O that it were with me as in months paji ! O that God had taken me away in the midft of my ufefuhiefs, with a fud- den ftroke, that I might not have been under a ne- celfity of trifling away time in diverfions ! O that I had never lived to fpend fo much precious time, in fo poor a manner, and to fo little purpofe ! Thus I often refleded, was grieved, alhamed, and even confounded, funk and dilcouraged.
On Tuefday, February 24, I was able to ride as far as Newark, (having been confined within Eliza- beth-Town almoft four months) and the next day returned to Elizabeth-Town. My fpiiits were fome- what refreflied with the ride, though my body was weary.
On Saturday, February 28, was vifited by an In- dian of my own congregation ; who brought me letters, and good news of the fober and good be- haviour of my people, in general. This refreflied my foul ; I could not but foon retire, and blefs God for his goodnefs ; and found, I trufl:, a truly thank- ful frame of fpirit, that God feemed to be building up that congregation for himfelf.
On Wednefday, March 4, 1 met with reproof from a friend, which, although 1 thought I did not deferve it from him, yet vi^as. I trufl:, blefTed of God to make me more tenderly afraid of fin, more jealous over myfelf, and more concerned to keep both heart and life pure and unblamable : It likewife caufed me to refledt on my paft deadnefs, and wantof fpiritu- ality, and to abhor myfelf, and look on myfelf mofl unworthy.
Wednefday y March 11. — Being kept in Elizabeth - Town as a day of fafting and prayer, I was able to attend publick worfliip ; which was the firfl time I was able fo to do after December 21. O, how rauchweaknefs anddiitrefs did God carry me through
in
Mr. DAVID BRA INERD. 25^
in this fpace of time ! But having obtained help 'from him, I yet live : O that I could live more to his glory.
LonVs Day, March i^. — Was able again to attend the publick worlhip, and felt fome earnell defiresof being reftored to the minifterial work: Felt, I think, fome fpirit and life to fpeak for God,
Wednefday, March 18. — Rode out with a defign fo vifit my people, and the next day arrived among them : Was under great dejecflion in my journey.
On Friday morning, I rofe early, walked about .imong my people, and inquired into* their ftate and concerns ; and found an additional weight and bur^ den on my fpirits, upon hearing fome things difa- greeable. I endeavoured to go to God with my dif- trefTes, and made fome kind of lamentable com- plaint j and in a broken manner fpread my difficult- ies before God j but, notwithftanding, my mind continued very gloomy. About teno*clock, I call- ed my people together, and after having explained and fung a Pfalm, I prayed with them : There was a confiderable deal of affecflion among them ; I doubt not, in fome inftances, that which was more than merely natural.
[This was the laft interview that he ever had with his people. About eleven o'clock the fame day, he left them ; and the next day, came to Elizabeth- Town ; his melancholy remaining fl:ill ; and he con- tinued for a confiderable tim.e under a great degree of dejedtion through vapoury diforders.]
hordes Day, April ^. — It grieved me to find myfelf fo inconceivably barren. My foul thirfted for grace : But alas, how far was I from obtaining what I faw fo exceeding excellent ! Iv.-as ready to defpair of eve'^ being a holy creature j and yet my foul was defirous oi following hard after God; but never did I fee my- felf fo far fromhaving apprehended, or being alrea- dy perfed:, as at this lime. The Lord's fupper be-
R ing
2s^ TheLIFEof
ing this day adminiftered, I attended the ordinance t And though I faw in myfelf a dreadful emptinefs, and want of grace, and faw myfelf as it were at an infinite diftance from that purity, which is becom- ing the gofpel j yet in the feafon of communion, efpecially in the time of the diftribution of the bread, I enjoyed fome warmth of affedion, and felt a tender /ove to the brethren ; and, I think, to the glorious Redeemer, the firft-born among them. I endeavoured then to bring forth mine and his ene^ mies, andjlay them before him ; and found great free- dom in begging deliverance from this fpiritual death, as well as in afking divine favours for my friends, and congregation, and the church ot Chrifl in general.
Friday y April lO. — Spent the forenoon in Prefby- terial bufineis : In the afternoon rode to Elizabeth- Town j found my brother John there* : Spent fome time in converfation with him ; but was extremely weak and outdone, my fpirits conliderably funk, and my mind dejed:ed.
Thurfday, April i6. — Was in bitter anguifh of foul, in the morning, fuch as I have fcarce ever felt, with a fenfe of fin and guilt. 1 continued in diftrefs the whole day, attempting to pray wherever I went ; and indeed could not help fo doing : But looked upon myfelf fo vile, I dared not look any body in the face ; and was even grieved, that any body (hould fliew me any refpedt, or at leafl, that they (liould be fo deceived as to think 1 deferved it.
Friday y April 17. — In the evening could not but think that God helped me to draw near to the throne of grace, though moll unworthy, and gave me a fenfe of his flivour j which gave me inexpreffible fupport and
encouragement
* This brother of his had been fent for by the Correfpondents, to take care of, and inftruft Mr. Brainerd's congiegation of Indians ; he being obliged by his ill- nefs to be abfent from them. And he continued to take care ot them until Mr. Brai- nerd's death : And fince his death, -was ordained his fucceiTor in his miffion, and to the charge of his cyngresa'ion ; which continuca much to flourifh under hispaf- toral care.
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 25.^
encouragement; though I fcarcely dared to hope the mercy was real, it appeared fo great : Yet could not but rejoice, that ever God fliould difcover his reconciled face to fuch a vile finner. Shame and confufion, at times, covered me ; and then hope and joy and admiration of divine goodnefs gain- ed the afcendant. Sometimes I could not but ad- mire the divine goodnefs, that the Lord had not let me fall into all the grofleft vileft a(5ts of fin and open fcandal, that could be thought of; and felt my- felf fo neceflitated to praife God, that this was ready for a little while, to fwallow up my fliame and prefT- ure of fpirit on account of my fins.
[After this his dejection and prciTure of fpirit re- turned ; and he remained under it the two next days.]
Monday^ April 2C. — Was in a very difordered ftate, and kept my bed moft of the day. 1 en- joyed a little more comfort, than in feveralofthe preceding days* This day I arrived at the age of twenty nine years.
fuej'day^ April 21.— I fet oUt on my journey fof New-England, in order (if it might be the will of God) to recover my health by riding : Travelled io New- York, and there lodged.
[This proved his final departure from Nevv-Jer- fey. He travelled flowly, and arrived among his friends, at Eaft-Haddam, about the beginning of May. There is very little account in his Diary of the time that paiTed from his fetting out on this journey to May 10. He fpeaks of his fometimes finding his heart rejoicing in the glorious perfeiflions of God, and longing to live to him j but complains of the unfixedncfs of his thoughts, and their being eafily diverted from divine fubjed:s,and cries out of his leanncfs, as teftifying againft him in the ioudeil * manner. And concerning thofe (hverfions he was obliged iKi ufe for his health, he fays, that he fome-
R % times
26o TheLIFEof
times found be could ufe diverfions v^'iih Jingle nefs of hearty aiming at the glory of God ; but that be alfo found there was a nccefTity of great care and watchfulnefs left he Ihould lofe that fpiritual tem- per of mind in his diverfions, and left they fbould degenerate into what was merely felfilh without any iupreme aim at the glory of God in them.]
Lord*s Dciy. May lO.— [At Had-Lime.] I could not but feel fome meafure of gratitude to God at this time (wherein I was much exercifed) that he had always difpofed me, in my miniftry, toinfifton the great do(5trines of regeneration^ the new creature^ faith in Cbrijl^ progrejfive fanBif cation ^ fupreme love to God, living entirely to the glory of God, being not our owny and the like. God has helped me to fee ia the fureft manner, from time to time, that thefe and the like docflrines, neceffarily connected with them, are the only foundation of fafety and falvation for periftiing finners ; and that thofe divine difpofi- tions, which are confonant hereto, are that holinefs without which no man Jloall fee the Lord: The cxercife of thefe godUke tempers, wherein the foul ad:s in a kind of concert with God, and would be and do eve- ry thing that is pleafing to God ; this, I faw, would Hand by the foul in a dying hour ; for God muft, I think, deny hi mf elf if he cafts away his own image, even the foul that is one in defires with himfelf.
Lord's Day,Mayi'-j. — [At Millington.] Spent the forenoon at home, being unable to attend the publick worfhip. At this time, God gave me fome affed- ing fenfe of my own vilenefs, and the exceeding fin- fulnefsof my heart; that there feemed to be nothing but fin and corruption within me. Innumerable evils compaffed me about ; my want of fpirituality and holy living, my negled: of God, and living to myfelf ; all the abominations of my heart and life feemed to be open to my view ; and 1 had nothing
to-
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 26r
to fay, but God be merciful to me ajinncr. Towards noon, I faw, that the grace of God in Chrift is infi- nitely free towards finners, and fiich finners as I was; I alfo faw, that God is the fupreme good, that in his prefence is life ; and I began to long to die, that I might ^^ with hifii, in a ftate of freedom from all fin. O, how a fmall glimpfe of his excellency refrefhed my foul ! O, how worthy is the bleffed God to be loved, adored, and delighted in, for himfelf, for his own divine excellencies.
Though I felt much dulnefs, and want of a fpirit of prayer, this week, yet I had fome glimpies of the excellency of divine things ; and efpccially one morning, in fecret meditation and prayer, the excel- lency and beauty of holinefs, as a likenefs to the glorious God, was fo difcovered to me, that I began to long earneflly to be in that world where holinefs dwells in perfeilion : And I feemed to long for this perfedt holinefs, not fo much for the fike o{ my own happinefs (although I faw clearly that this was the greateft, yea, the only happinels of the Ibul) as that I might pleafe God, live entirely to him, and glorify him to theutmoft ftretch of my rational powers and capacities.
[On Thurfday, May 28, he came from Long- Meadow to Northampton ; appearing vaflly bet- ter than, by his account, he had been in the winter ; indeed, fo well that he was able to ride twenty five miles in a day, and to walk half a mile; and ap- peared cheerful, and free from melancholy : But yet, undoubtedly, at that time, in a confirmed, in- curable confumption
I had had much opportunity, before this, of par- ticular information concerning him, from many that were well acquainted with him. But now I had opportunity for a more full acquaintance with him. 1 found him remarkably fociable, pleafant and enter-
R 3 taining
a62 T H E L I F E 0 F
tainingin his converfation ; yet folid, favoury, fpir* itual, and very profitable ; appearing meek,modeft, and humble ; far from any ftiffnefs, morofenefs, fu- perftitious demurenefs, or afFeded Angularity in ipeech or behaviour, and feeming to naufeate all fuch things. We enjoyed not only the benefit of his con-^ verfation, but had the comfort and advantage of hearing him pray in the family, from time to time. His manner of praying was very agreeable; mofb becoming a worm of the duft, and a difciple of Chrift, addrefling an infinitely great and holy God, and Father of mercies ; not with florid exprellions, or a ftudied eloquence ; not with any intemperate vehemence, or indecent boldnefs ; at the greateft diftance from any appearance of oftentation, and from every thing that might look as though he meant to recommend himfelf to thofe that were about him. or fet himfelf off to their acceptance ; free too from vain repetitions, without impertinent excurfions, or needlefs multiplying of words. He exprefled him- felf with the ftridteft propriety, with weight, and pungency ; and yet what his lips uttered feemed to flow from the fulnefs of his heart, as deeply imprelf- ed with a great and folemn fenfe of our neceffities, unworthinefs, and dependence, and of God's infinite greatnefs, excellency, and fufficiency, rather than merely from a warm and fruitful brain, pouring out good exprellions. And I know not, -that ever I heard him fo much as afk a blefling or return thanks at table, but there was fomething remarkable to be obferved, both in the matter and manner of performance. In his prayers^ he infifted much on the profpcrity of Zion, the advancement of Chrift's kingdom in the v.'orld, and the flourifliing and propagation of religion among the Indians. And he generally made it one petition in his prayer^ that we might not outlive our ufefulnefs.]
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. ^6^
Lord's Day, May 31.— [At Northampton.] I had httle inward fvveetnefs in reUgion, for moft of the week paft ; not realizing and beholding fpiritu- ally the glory of God, and the bleffed Redeemer; from whence always arife my comforts and joys in relig- ion, if I have any at all : And if I cannot fo behold the excellencies and perfections of God, as to caufe me to rejoice in him for what he is in himfelf, I have no fohd foundation for joy. To rejoice only becaufe 1 apprehend 1 have an intereft in Chrift, and fhall be finally faved, is a poor mean bufinefs indeed.
[This week, he confulted dodor Mather, at my hoLife, concerning his illnefs j who plainly told him, that there were great evidences of his being in a con- firmed confumption, and that he could givchim no encouragement, that he fhould ever recover. But it feemed not to occafion the lead difcompofure in him, nor to make any manner of alteration as to the cheer- fulnefs and ferenity of his mind, or the freedom or pleafantncfs of hisconverfation.]
Lord's Day, Juneq. — My attention was greatly engaged, and my ioul fo drawn forth, this day, by what I heard of the exceeding precioufnefs of the faving grace of God's Spirit, that it almoll over- came my body in my weak flate ; 1 law that true grace is exceeding precious indeed ; that it is very rare ; and there is but a very Imall degree of it, even where the reality of it is to be found ; at lead: , I faw this to be my cafe.
In the preceding week I enjoyed fom? comforta- ble feafons of meditation. One morning the caufe of God appeared exceeding precious to me: The Redeemer's kingdom is all that is valuable in the earth , and 1 could not but long for the promotion of it in the world : I faw alio that this caufe is God's, that he has an infinitely greater regard and concern for " 'R 4 - it.
264 T H E L I F E a F
it, than I could poflibly have ; that if I have any true love to this blefled intereft, it is only a drop de- rived from that ocean. Hence, I was ready to lift up my head with joy; and conclude, well, if God's caufc be (o dear and precious to him, he will pro- mote it. And thus I did as it were reft on God, that furely he would promote that which was fo agreeable to his own will j though the time when muft ftill be left to his fovereign pleafure.
[He was advifed by phylicians ftill to continue riding, as what would tend, above any other means, to prolong his life. He was at a lofs for fomc time, which way to bend his courfe next ; but finally de- termined to ride from hence to Bofton ; we haying concluded that one of this family ftiould go with bim,and be helpful to him in his weak and low ftate.]
T^uefday, "June 9. — I fet out on a Journey from Northampton to Bofton : Travelled flowly, and got fome acquaintance with divers minifters on the road.
I having now continued to ride for fome confider- able time together, felt myfelf much better than I had formerly done -, and I found that in proportion to the profpedt I had of being reftored to a ftate of ufe- fulnefs, fo I defired the continuance of life : But death appeared inconceivably more defirable to me, than a uielefs life ; yet, blefled be God, 1 found my heart, at times, fully refigned and reconciled to this greateft of affiidions, if God faw fit thus to deal with me.
Friday, "June I2,— I arrived in Bofton this day, fome what fatigued with my journey. Obferved, that there is no reft but in God : Fatigues of body, and anxieties of mind attend us, both in town and country ; no place is exempted.
Lord's Day, 'June 14. — 1 enjoyed fome enlarge- ment and fweetnefs in family prayer, as well as in
fccret
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. z6^
ftcret exercifes ; God appeared excellent, his ways full of plcafure and peace, and all I wanted was a fpirit of holy fervency, to live to him.
Wednefday^ 'June 17. — This and the two preced- ing days, I fpent mainly in vifiting the minifters of the town, and was treated with great reipei^l by them.
On Thurfday, June 18, I was taken exceeding ill, and brought to the gates of death, by tl^ breaking of fmall ulcers in my lungs, as my phyiicianfuppofed. In: this extreme weak ftate I continued forTeveral weeks, and was frequently reduced iolow as to be utterly fpeechlefs, and not able lb much as to whifper a word ; and even after I had fp far revived, as" to walk about houfe,and toftep out of doors, Iv/as exercifed every day with a faint turn, which continued ufually four or five hours ; at which times, though I was not utterly fpeechlefs, fo but that I could fay yes^ or no, yet I could not converfe at all, nor fpeal^ one fentence without making flops for breath; and divers times in this feafon, my friends gathered round my bed, to fee me breathe my laft, which' they looked for every moment, as I myfelf al- fodid.
How I was the firft day or two of my illnefs, with' regard to the exercife of reafon, I fcarcely know ; but 1 believe I was fomething ihattered with the vio- lence of the fever, at times : But the third day of my- illnefs, and conlf antly afterwards, for tour or five weeks together, I enjoyed as much ferenity of mind and clearnefs of thought, as perhaps I ever did in my lite : And I think my mind never pene- trated with {o much eafe and freedom into divine things, as at this time ; and I never felt fo capable of demonftrating the truth of many important doc- trines of the gofpel as now. And as I faw clearly the truth of thole great dodrines, which are juftly fliled the Doctrines of Grace ^ ioi faw with no kfs
clearnefs.
266 TheLIFEof
clearnefs, that the efTence of religion confifted in the foul's conformity to God, and adting above all felf- ifh views, for his iglory, longing to be for him, to live to him, and pleafe and honour him in all things ; and this from a clear view of his infinite excellency and worthinefs in himfelf, to be loved, adored, wor- fhipped and ferved by all intelligent creatures. Thus I faw, that when a foul loves God with a fupreme love, he therein ads like the blefTed God himfelf, who moit juftly loves himfelf in that manner : So when God's intereil and his are become one, and he longs that God fhould be glorified, and rejoices to think that he is unchangeably polTeffed of the high- eft glory and blefTednefs, herein alfo he a(fts in con- formity to God : In like manner, when the foul is fully refigned to, and refts fatisfied and content- ed with the divine will, here it is alfo conformed to God.
I faw further, that as this divine temper, whereby the foul exalts God, and treads felf in the duft, is wrought in the foul by God's difcovering his own glorious perfe6tions i?i the face of^efus Chrijl to it, by the fpecial influences of the Holy Spirit, fo he cannot but have regard to it, as his own work ; and as it is his image in the foul, he cannot but take de- light in it. Then I faw again, that if God fliould flight and rejedhis own moral im^ge, he muft needs deny himfelf; which he cannot do. And thus I faw theftabilityandinfallibility of this religion, and that thofe who are truly pofTeffed of it, have the molt complete and fatisfying evidence of their being in- terefied in all the benefits of Chrifl's redemption, having their hearts confotmed to him ; and that thele and thefe only are qualified for the employments and entertainments of God's kingdom of glory ; as none but thefe have any rcliQi for the bufinefs of heaven, which is to afcribe glory to God, and not to
themfelvcs ;
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 267
themfelves ; and thatXjod, though I would fpeak it with great reverence of his name and perfecflions, can- not, without denying himlelf, finally caft fuch away.
The next thing I had then to do, was to inquire, whether this was my religion : And here God was pleafed to help me to the mod eafy remembrance and critical review of what had pafled in courfe, of a religious nature, through feveral of the latter years of my life : And although I could difcover much cor- ruption attending my beft duties, many felfifh views, and carnal ends, much fpiritual pride and felf exalt- ation, and innumerable other evils which compafTed me about ; I fay, although I now difcerned the fins of my holy things, as well as other actions, yet God was pleafed, as 1 was reviewing, quickly to put this queftion out of doubt, by fhewing me, that I had, from time to time, adled above the utmoft influence of mere felf love ; that I had longed to pleafe and glorify him, as my highefl happinefs, &c. And this review was through grace attended with a pref- ent feeling of the fame divine temper of mind ; I felt now pleafed to think of the glory of God, and long- ed for heaven as a flate wherein I might glorify God perfe(5lly, rather than a place of happinefs for my- felf : And this feeling of the love of God in my heart, which I truft the Spirit of God excited in me afrefh, was fufficient to give me full fatisfa<5tion, and make me long, as I had many times before done, to be with Chrift. I did not now want any of the fudden fuggeflions, which many are fo pleafed with, that Chrift and his benefits are mine, that God loves me, &c. in order to give me fatisfad:ion about my ftate.
Thefe things I faw with great clearnefs, when I was thought to be dying. And God gave me great concern for his church and intereft in the world, at this time.
As
268 Th E L I F E o P
As God was pleafed to afford me clearnefs of thought, and compofure of mind, almoft continual- ly, for feveral weeks together, under my great weak- nisfs ; fo he enabled me, in fome meafure, to im- prove my time, as I hope, to valuable purpofes. I was enabled to write a number of important letters to friends in remote places : And fometimes I wrote when I was fpeechlefs ; i. e. unable to maintain converfation with any body ; though perhaps I was able to fpeak a word or two fo as to be heard.
[He was much vifited, while in Bofton, by many perfons of confiderable note and figure, and of the beft chara6ter, and by fome of the firft rank : Who fhewed him uncommon refpecft, and appeared high- ly pleafed and entertained with his converfation. And befides his being honoured with the company and refped: of minifters of the town, he was vifited by feveral miniflers from various parts of the coun- try. And as he took all opportunities to difcourfe of the peculiar nature, and diftinguifliing characters of true fpiritual and vital religion, and to bear his teftimony againfl: the various falfe appearances of it, confifting in, or arifing from impreflionson the im- agination, and fudden and fuppoied immediate fug- geftions of truths, not contained in the fcripture, and that faith which confifts primarily in a perfon's be- lieving that Chrifl died for him in particular, dec. So what he faid was for the mod part heard with uncommon attention and regard ; and his difcourfes and reafonings appeared manifcftly to have great weight and influence, with many that he converfed •with, both minifters and others.
Mr. Brainerd*s refloration from his extremely low flate in Boflon, foas to go abroad again and to trav- el, was very uncxpedted to him and his friends. My daughter, who was with him, writes thus concerning
him, in a letter dated June 23. *' On Thurfday,
he
I
Mr. DAVID BRA INERD. 269
he was very ill with a violent fever, and extreme pain in his head and breaft, and, at turns, delirious. So he remained until Saturday evening, when he feem- ed to be in the agonies of death : The familj?- was up with him until one or two o'clock, expedting ev- ery hour would be his laft. On Sabbath day he was a little revived, his head was better, but very full of pain, and exceeding fore at his breaft, much put to it for breath, &cc. Yefterday he was better upon all accounts. Lafl' night he flept but little. This morning he is much worfe. Do6tor Pynchon fays, he has no hopes of his life ; nor does he think it likely he will ever come out of the chamber ; though he fays he may be able to come to North- ampton."
In anotherletter,datedJune29,{liefays as follows : *' Mr.Brainerd has not fo much pain nor fever, fince I laft wrote, as before : Yet he is extremely weak and low, and very faint, expedting every day will be his lafl. He fays, it is impoflible for him to live for want of life. He has hardly vigour enough to draw his breath. I went this morning into town, and when I came home, Mr. Bromfield faid, he never expected I fliould fee him alive ; for hfe lay two hours, as they thought, dying; one could fcarce- ly tell, whether he was alive or not ; he was not able to fpeak, for fome time : But now is much as he was before. The Do(tl:or thinks, he will drop away in fuch a turn. Mr. Brainerd fays, he never felt any thing fo much like diifolution, as what he felt today ; and fays, he never had any conception of its being pollible for any creature to be alive, and yet fo weak as he is from day to day. Dodor Pynchon fays, he Ihould not be furprifed, if he fhould fo recover as to live half a year ; nor would it furpriie him, if h.e ihould die in half a day. Since I began to write, he is not fo well j having had a faint turn again : Yet
patient
r^o The LIFE of
patient and refigned, having no diflrcfling fears, but the contrary."
His phj^fician, the honourable Jofeph Pynchon, Efq; when he vifited him in his extreme illnefs in Bofton, attributed his finking fo fuddenly intoa ftate fo extremely low, and nigh unto death, to the break- ing of ulcers, that had been long gathering in his lungs, as Mr. Brainerd himfelf intimates in a fore- mentioned pafTage in his Diary, and there difcharg- ing and difFufing their purulent matter ; which, while nature was labouring and ftruggling to throw off, that could be done no otherwife, than by gradu- al ftraining of it through the fmall veffels of thofe vital parts. This occafioned an high fever, and vi- olent coughing, and threw the whole frame of na- ture into the utmoft diforder, and brought it near to a diflblution : But fuppofed, if the ftrength of na- ture held until the lungs had this way gradually cleared themfelves of this putrid matter, he might revive, and continue better, until new ulcers gather- ed and broke ; but then would furely fink again ; and that there was no hope of his recovery ; but, as he exprefl'ed himfelf to one of my neighbours, who at that time faw him in Bofton, he was as certainly a dead man, as if he was (hot through the heart.
But fo it was ordered in divine Providence, that the ftrength of nature held out through this great conflidt, fo as juft to efcape the grave at that turn ; and then he revived, to the aftoniftiment of all that knew his cafe.
After he began to revive he was vifited by his youngeft brother, Mr. Ifrael Brainerd, a ftudent at Yale-College ; who having heard of his extreme ill- nefs, went from thence to Bofton, in order to fee him, if he might find him alive, which he butlittleexpedted.
This viHt was attended with a mixture of joy and forrow to Mr. Brainerd, He greatly rejoiced to fee
his
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 271
his brother, efpecially becaufe he had defired an op- portunity of fome rehgious converfation with him before he died. But this meeting was attended with forrow, as his brother brought to him the forrowful tidings of his fifter Spencer's death at Haddam ; a /ifter, between whom and him had long fubfifted a pecuharly dear affedion, and much intimacy in fpir- itual matters, and whofe houfe he ufed to make his home, when he went to Haddam, his native place. He had heard nothing of her ficknefs until this re- port of her death. But he had thefe comforts, to- gether with the tidings, viz. a confidence of her be- ing gone to heaven, and an expectation of his foon meeting her there. His brother continued with him until he left the town, and came with him from thence to Northampton.
Concerning the laft Sabbath Mr. Brainerd fpent in Bofton, he writes in his Diary as follows.]
Lord's Day, 'July 19. — I wasjuft able to attend publick worlhip, being carried to the houfe of God in a chaife. Heard Dr. Sewall preach, in the fore- noon : Partook of the Lord's fupper at this time. In this facrament, I fawaftonifliing divine wifdom dif- played j fuch wi(dom as I faw required the tongues of angels and glorified faints to celebrate : It feemed to me, I never fliould do any thing at adoring the infinite wifdom of God difcovered in the contrivance of man*s redemption, until I arrived at a world of perfed:ion ; yet I could not help driving to call upon 7uy foul and all within me to blej's the Jiame of God. In the afternoon, heard Mr. Prince preach. I faw more of God in the wifdom difcovered in the planof man*s redemption, than I faw of any other of his perfec- »tions, through the whole day.
[He left Bofion the next day. But before he
came away, he hadoccafion to bear a very full, plain,
and open teflimony againd that opinion, that theef-
fence
272 TheLIFEof
fence of faving faith lies in believing that Chrifl: di- ed for me in particular, and that this is the firft adt of faith in a true believer*s clofing with Chrift. He did it in a long conference he had with a gentleman, that has very publickly and ftrenuoufly appeared to defend that tenet. He had this difcourfe with him in the prefence of a number of confiderable perfons, who came to vifit Mr. Brainerd before he left the town, and to take their leave of him. In which de- bate he made this plain declaration, at the fame time confirming what he faid by many arguments. That the effence of faving faith was wholly left out of that definition of faving faith which that gentleman has publifhed ; and that the faith which he had defined, had nothing of God in it, nothing above nature, nor indeed above the power of the devils ; and that all fuch as had this faith, and had no better, though they might have this to never fo high a degree, would furely perifh. And he declared alfo, that he never had greater afTurance of the falfenefs of the principles of thofe that maintained fuch a faith, and of their dangerous and deflrudlive tendency, or a more affecSling fenfe of the great delufion and mife- ry of thofe that depended on getting to heaven by fuch a faith, while they had no better, than he late- ly had when he was fuppofed to be at the point to die, and expedted every minute to pafs into eternity. Mr. Brainerd*s difcourfe at this time, and the forci- ble reafonings by which he confirmed what he af- ferted, appeared to be greatly to the fatisfadtion of thofe prefent j as feveral of them took occafion ex- prefsly to manifeft to him, before they took leave of him.
When this converfation was ended, having bid an afFedtionate farewell to his friends, he fct out in the cool of the afternoon, on his journey to North- ampton, attended by his brother, and my daughter
that
Mr. DAVID BRA INERD. 273
that went with him to Bofton ; and would have been accompanied out of the town by a number of gentlemen, befides that honourable perfon who gave him his company for fome miles on that occaSon, as a tell imony of their efteem and refpe(5t, had not his averdon to any thing of pomp and (hew prevent- ed it.]
Saturday^ ^uly 25. — I arrived here at Northamp- ton j having let out from Bofton on Monday, about four o'clock P. M. In this journey, I rode about iixteen miles a day, one day with another. I was fometimes extremely tired and faint on the road, fo that it feemed.impoffible for me to proceed any fur- ther : At other times I v/as confidcrably better, and felt fome freedom both of body and mind.
Lord's Day, 'JuIy^6. — This day I faw clearly, that I Ihould never be happy ; yea, that God himfelf could not make me happy, unlefs I could be in a ca- pacity toplcafe and glorify him forever : Take away this, and admit me into all the fine heavens that can be conceived of by men or angels, and I fhould ftill be mifcrable forever-
[Though he had fo far revived, as to be able to travel thus fiir, yet he manifelled no expedfation of recovery : He fuppofed, as his phylician did, that his being brought fo near to death at Bofton, was owing to the breaking of ulcers in his lungs : He told me, that he had had feveral fuch ill turns before^ only not to {o high. a degree, but as he fuppofed^ owing to the lame caufe, viz. the breaking of ulcers ; and that he was brought lower and lower every time ; and it appeared to him, that in his laft ficknefs, in Bofton, he was brought as low as it was poffible and yet Myc ; and that he had not the leaft expsdtatiori of furviving the next return of this breaking of ul- cers : But ftill appeared perfectly calm in the prof- pe<ft of death, .
S On
274 The LIFE of
On Wednefday morning, the week after he came to Northampton, he took leave of his brother Ifrael, as never expeding to fee him again in this world ; he now fetting out from hence on his journey to New- Haven.
When Mr. Brainerd came hither, he had fo much flrength as to be able, from day to day, to ride out two or three miles, and to return ; and fometimes to pray in the family ; b^ut from this time he gradual- ly, but fenfibly, decayed, and became weaker and weaker.
While he was here his converfation from firft to laft was much on the fame fubjecfts as it had been when in Boflon : He was much in fpeaking of the nature of true religion of heart and prad:ice, as dif- tinguifhed from its various counterfeits; exprefiing his great concern, that the latter did fo much pre- vail in many places. He often manifefted his great abhorrence of all fuch dodlrines and principles in re- ligion, as in any wife favoured of, and had any though but a remote, tendency to Antinomianifm ; of all fuch notions, as feemed to diminifli the neccffity of holi- nefsoflife, or to abate men*s regard to the com- mands of God, and a ftrid;, diligent, and univerfal practice of virtue and piety, under a pretence of de- preciating our works, and magnifying God's free grace. He fpake often, with much detcftation, of luch experiences and pretended difcoveries and joys, as have nothing of the nature of fandification in them, and do not tend to fhicftnefs, tendernefs, and diligence in religion, and meeknefs and benevolence towards mankind, and an humble behaviour : And he alfo declared, that he looked on fuch pretended humihty as worthy of no regard, that was not man- 3 felled by modefly of condudl and converfation. He fpakc often, with abhorrence, of the fpirit and prac- tice that appears among, the greater part of feparatifts
at
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 275
at this day in the land, particularly thofein the eail- ern parts of Connedicut ; in their condemning and ieparating from the ftanding miniftry and churches, their crying down learning, and a learned miniftry* their notion of an immediate call to the work of the miniftry, and the forwardnefs of laymen to fet up themfelves as publick teachers. He had been much converfant in the eaftern part of Conne(5licut, his native place being near to it, when the fame princi- ples, notions and fpirit began to operate, which have iince- prevailed to a greater height ; and had ac- quaintance with fome of thofe perfons who are be- come heads and leaders of the feparatifts ; he had alfo been converfant with perfons of the fame way clfewhere : And I heard him fay, once and again, he knew by his acquaintance with this fort of people, that what was chiefly and moft generally in repute among them as the power of godUnefs, was an en- tirely different thing from that true vital piety rec- ommended in the fcriptures, and had nothing in it of that nature. He manifefted a great diflike of a difpofition in perfons to much noife and ftiow in re- ligion, and affedting to be abundant in proclaiming and publiftiing their own experiences : Though at the fame time he did not condemn, but approved of chriftians' fpeaking of their own experiences on fome occafions, and to fome perfons, with due modelty and difcretion.
After he came hither, as long as he lived, he was much in fpeaking of that future pro fperity of Z ion, that is fo often foretold and promifed in the fcrip- ture : It was a theme he delighted to dwell upon ; and his mind feerned to be carried forth with earneft concern about it, and intenfe defires, that religion might fpeedily and abundantly revive and flourifh ; though he hatl not the leaft expedation of recovery ', yea, the nearer death advanced', and the more the S 7, fymptoms-.
27^ T H E L I l<^ E o F
fymptoms of its approach increafed, ftill the more- did his mind feem to be taken up with this fubjedt. He told me, when near his end, that '* he never irt all his life, had his mind fo led forth in defires and earneft prayers for the flourifhing of Chrift's king- dom on earth, as fince he was brought fo exceeding low at Bofton/* He feemed much to wonder, that there appeared no more of a difpofition in minifters and people to pray for the flourifliing of religion through the world ; that fo little a part of their prayers was generally taken upabout it in their fam- ilies, and elfewhere ; and particularly, he feveral times expreffed his wonder, that there appeared na more forwardnefs to comply with the propofal late- ly made, in a memorial from a number of minifters in Scotland, and fent over into America, for united extraordinary prayer, among Chrift's minifters and people, for the coming of Chrift*s kingdom : And he fent it as his dying advice to his own congrega- tion that they fliould pra6tife agreeably to that pro- pofal*.
Though he was conftantly exceeding weak, yet there appeared in him a continual care well to im- prove time, and lill it up with fomething that might be profitable, and in fome refped: for the glory of God or the good of men ; either profitable conver- iation, or writing letters to abfent friends, or noting fomething in his Diar}^ or looking over his former writings, corredling them, and preparing them to be left in the hands of others at his death, or giving fome dircdlions concerning a future conducting and management of his people, or employment in fccret devotions. He feemed never to be eafy, however
ill,
* His congregation, fmce this, have with great chrerfulncfs and unanimity fallen in with ihis advice, and have piitCtilcd agreeably to the propofal Iroin Scotland ; and have at times, appeared with uncommon cngagcdntfs and iervency of i'pirit in their meetings and united dcvoticns, purluant to that propofal : Alfo the Prclbyteries o'. . New-York, and Ncw-Bruafwick, fince this, have with one confent, lallcn in wiih ih? propoialj as Iikcwiie fgmr o'.hcrs of God's p'-oplr in thoie pans
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. %fi
ill, if he was not doing fomething for God, or in his fervice.
After he came hither, he wrote a preface to a Di- ary of the famous Mr. Shepard's, having been much urged to it by thofe gentlemen in Bofton, who had the care of the publication : Which Diary, with his preface, has fince been publiflied,
In his Diary for Lord's Day, Auguft 9, he fpeaks of longing defires after death, through a fenfe of the excellency of a flate of perfediion.
In his Diary for Lord's Day, Auguft 16, he fpeaks of his having fo much refrefhment of foul in the houfe of God, that it feemed to refrefh his body. And this is not only noted in his Diary, but was very obfervable to others ; it was very apparent, not only, that his mind was exhilarated with inward confolation, but alfo that his animal fpirits and bod- ily ftrength feemed to be remarkably rell:ored, as though he had forgot his illnefs. But this was the lafl time that ever he attended publick worfliip on the Sabbath.
On Tuefday morning that week, I being abfent on a journey, he prayed with my family,- but not with- out much difficulty, for want of bodily llrength : And this was the laft family prayer that ever he made.
He had been wont, until now, frequently to ride out, two or three miles : But this week, on Thurf- ^■^Yy was the laft time he ever did fo.]
Lord*s Dayy Augujl 23. — This morning I was conliderably refrelhed with the thought, yea, the hope and expedation of the enlargement of Chrifl's kingdom ; and I could not but hope, the time was at hand, when Babylon the great would fidl, and rife no more ; This led me to fome fpiritual medi- tations, tliat were very refrc filing tome. I was un- able to attend publick worfliip cither part of the
S 3 day I
%S TheLIFEof
day ; but God was pleafed to afford me fixednefs and fatisfa(5lion in divine thoughts. Nothing fo re- frefhes my foul, as when I can go to God, yea, to God my exceeding joy. When he is fo, fenli- bly, to my foul, O, how unfpeakably delightful is this !
In the week paft, I had divers turns of inward re- frefliing ; though ray body was inexprefTibly weak, followed continually with agues and fevers. Some- times my foul centered in God, as my only portion ; and I felt that 1 fhould be forever unhappy, if he did not reign : I faw the fweetnefs and happinefs of being his fubjed:, at his difpofal : This made all my difficulties quickly vanifh.
From this Lord's Day, viz. Auguft 23, I was troubled very much with vapoury diforders, and could neither write nor read, and could fcarcely live ; although, through mercy, was not fo much opprefT- ed with heavy melancholy and gloominefs, as at many other times.
[Until this week he had been wont to lodge in a room above flairs i but he now grew fo weak, that he was no longer able to go up flairs and down ; Friday Augufl 28, was the laft time he ever went above flairs ; henceforward he betook himfelf to a lower room.
On Wednefday, September 2, being the day of our publick led:ure, he feemed to be retrefhed with feeing the neighbouring minifters that came hitherto the ledlure, and exprelTed a great dcfire once more to go to the houfe of God on that day : And accord- ingly rode to the meeting, and attended divine fer- vice, while the Rev. Mr. Woodbridge of Hatfield preached. He fignified that he fuppofed it to be the laft time that ever he fhould attend the publick worfhip ; as it proved. And indeed it was the lafi time that ever he went out at our gate alive.
On
Mr. DAVID BR A I NERD. 279
On the Saturday evening next following, he was un- exped:edly vifited by his brother, Mr. JohnBrainerd, who came to fee him from New-Jerfey. He was much refrefhed by this unexpe<fled vilit, this broth- er being peculiarly dear to him ; and he feemed to rejoice in a devout and folemn manner, to fee him, and to hear the comfortable tidings he brought con- cerning the ftate of his dear congregation of chrif- tian Indians : And a circumftance of this vifit, that he was exceeding glad of, was, that his brother brought him fome of his private writings from New- Jerfey, and particularly his Diary that he had kept for many years paft.]
Lord*s Day^ September 6. — I began to read fome of my private writings-, which my brother brought me ; and was confiderably refrefhed, with what I met with in them.
Monday^ September'). — I proceeded farther in read- ing my old private writings, and found they had the fame effed: upon me as before ; I could not but re- joice and blefs God for whatpaiTed long ago, which without writing had been entirely loft.
This evening, when I was in great diftrefs of body, my foul longed that God fhould be glorified : I faw there was no heaven but this. I could not but fpeak to the byftanders then of the only happinefs, viz. pleafing God. O that I could forever live to God { The day I truft, is at hand, the perfedt day : O, the day of deliverance from all fin !
Lord's Day, September 13. — I was much refrefhed and engaged in meditation and writing, and found a heart to adl for God. My fpirits were refreflied, and my foul delighted to do fomething for God.
[On the evening following that Lord's Day, his feet began to appear fenfibly fwelled ; which thence- forward fvvelled more and more. A fymptom of his dilTolution coming on.
S4 The
ago T H E L I' F E o F
The next day, his brother John left him, being obliged to return to Nevv-Jerfey on fome bulinefs of great importance and necefTity ; intending to return again with all poffibie fpeed, hoping to fee his brother yet once more in the land of the living.
On the Thurfday of this week, September 17, was the laft time that ever he went out of his lodg- ing room. That day, he was again vifited by his brother Ifracl, who continued with him thencefor- ward until his death. On that evening, he was tak- en with fomething of a diarrhoea ; which he looked upon as another fign of his approaching death : Whereupon he expreifed himfelf thus ; O, the glo- rious time is now coming ! I have longed to ferve God perfed:ly : Now God will gratify thofe defires ! And from time to time, at the feveral fteps and new fymptoms of the fenfible approach of his diflblu- tion,hc was fo far from being funk or damped, that hefeemed to be animated, and made more cheerful ; as being glad at the appearances of death's ap- proach. He often ufed the epithet, glorious, when fpeaking of the day of his death, calling it that glo- rious day. And as he faw his diffolution gradually approaching, he was much in talking about it, with perfe<5t calmnefs fpeaking of a future ftate ; and al- fo fettling all his affairs, very particularly and mi- nutely giving direcStions concerning what he would have done in one refpedt and another after he w*as dead. And the nearer death approached, the more defirous he feemed to be of it. He feveral times fpake of the different kinds of willingnefs to die ; and fpoke of it as an ignoble, mean kind, of willing- nefs to die, to be willing to leave the body, only to get rid of pain ; or to go to heaven only to get hon- pur and advancement there.]
Saturday, September 19. — Near night, while I at- tempted to walk a little, my thoughts turned thus :
How
Mr. DAVID BRAIN ERD. 281
How infinitely fwcet it is, to love God, and be all for him ! Upon which it was fuggefted to me, You are not an angel, not lively and ad:ive. To which my whole foul immediately replied, I as fincerely deiire to love and glorify God, as any angel in heav- en. Upon which it was fuggeiled again, But you arc filthy, not fit for heaven. Hereupon inftantly ap- peared the bleifed robes of C brill's righteoufneis, which I could not but exult and triumph in ; and I viewed the infinite excellency of God, and m.y foul even broke with longings, that God fhould be glori- fied. I thought of dignity in heaven; but mftantly the thought returned, I do not go to heaven to get honour, but to give all pofiible glory and praife. O, how I longed that God fliould be glorified on earth alfo ! O, I was made for eternity, if God m.ight be glorified ! Bodily pains I cared not for : Though I was then in extremity, I never felt eafier ; I felt wil- ling to glorify God in that flate of bodily difirefs, as long as he pleafed I fliould continue in it. The grave appeared really fweet, and I longed to lodge my weary bones in it : But O that God might be glorified ! This was the burden of all my cry. O I knew I fliould be ad:ive as an angel, in heaven ; and that I fhould be flrippcd of my filthy garments ! So that there was no objection. But O, to love and praife God more, to pleafe him forever ! This my foul panted after, and even now pants for while I write. O that God m^ight be glorified in the whole earth. Lord, let thy kingdom come. I longed for a fpirit of preaching to defcend and refl on minifters, that they might addrefs the confciences of men with clofeneis and power. I faw God had the refidue of the fpirit j and my foul longed it fliould be poured from on high. 1 could not but plead with God for my dear congregation, that he would preferve it, and not fuller his great name to lofe its glory in
that
i82 TheLIFEof
that work ; My foul llill longing, that God might be glorified.
[The extraordinary frame that he was in, that evening, could not be hid ; his mouth /pake out of the abundance of his hearty expreffing in a very affed:ing manner much the fame things as are written in his Diary : And among very many other extraordinary cxpreflions, which he then uttered, were fuch as thefe j My heaven is to pleafe God, and glorify him, and give all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his glory ; that is the heaven I long for; that is my re- ligion, and that is my happinefs ; and always was, ever iince I fuppofe I had any true religion ; and all thofe that are of that religion, fhall meet me in heav- en. I do not go to heaven to be advanced, but to give honour to God. It is no matter where I fhall be Rationed in heaven, whether I have a high or a low feat there ; but to love and pleafe and glorify God is all : Had I a thoufand fouls, if they were worth any thing, I would give them all to God ; but I have nothing to give, when all is done. It is impoffible for any rational creature to be happy without ad:ing all for God : God himfelf could not make him happy any other way. I long to be in heaven, praifmg and glorifying God with the holy angels : All my defire is to glorify God. My heart goes out to^the burying place ; it feems to me a de- iirable place : But O to glorify God ; that is it ; that is above all. It is a great comfort to me, to think that I have done a little for God in the world : O ! it is but a very fmall matter ; yet I have done a little ; and I lament it, that 1 have not done more for him. There is. nothing in the world worth living for, but doing good, and finilliing God's work, do- ing the work that Chrifl did. I fee nothing elfe in the world, that can yield any fatisfadion, befides liv- ing to God, pleafing him, and doing his whole will.
My
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 2S^
My greateft joy and comfort has been, to do fome- thing for promoting the intereft of rehgion, and the fouls of particular perfons : And now in my illnefs, while I am full of pain and diftrefs from day to day, all the comfort I have, is in being able to do fome little char, orfmall piece of work for God, either by fomcthing that I fay, or by writing, or fome other way.
He intermingled with thefe and other like expref- fions, many pathetical counfels to thofe that were about him ; particularly to my children and fervants. He applied himfelf to fome of my young- er children at this time ; calling them to him, and fpeaking to them one by one ; fetting before them, in a very plain manner, the nature and effence of true piety, and its great importance and necellity ; earneftly warning them not to reft in any thing fhort of that true and thorough change of heart, and a life devoted to God j counfelling them not to be ilack in the great bufinefs of religion, nor in the leaft to delay it ; enforcing his counfels with this, that his words were the words of a dying man : Said he, I fhall die here, and here I fhall be buried, and here you will fee my grave, and do you remember what I have faid to you. I am going into eternity : And it isfweet to me to think of eternity; theendleflhefsof it makes it fweet : But O, what fhall 1 fay to the eter- nity of the wicked ! I cannot mention it, nor think of it: The thought is too dreadful. When you fee my grave, then remember what I faid to you while I was alive ; then think with yourfelf, how that man, that lies in that grave, counfelled and warn- ed me to prepare for death.
His body feemed to be marvclloufly ftrengthened, through the inward vigour and refrefMi^ent of his mind ; fo that, although before he was fo' weak that })e could hardly utter a fentence, yet now he contin- ued
4S4 T II £ LIFE OF
lied his moft afFedting and profitable difcourfe to us for more than an hour, with fcarce any intermillion ; and faid of it, when he had done, it was the lafl fermon that ever he fhould preach.
This extraordinary frame of mind continued the next day; of which he fays in his Dairy as fol- lows . ]
Lord^s Day, September 2o. — Was ftill in a fweetand comfortable frame ; and was again melted with de- fires that God might be glorified, and with longings to love and live to him. Longed for the influences of the Divine Spirit to defcend on minifters, in a fpe- cial manner. And O, I longed to be with God, to behold his glory, and to bow in his prefence.
[It appears by what is noted in his Diary, both of this day, and the evening preceding, that his mind at this time was much imprefled with a fenfe of the importance of the work of the miniftry, and the need of the grace of God, and his fpecial fpiritual afiiftance in this work : And it alfo appeared in what he exprelTed in converfation ; particularly in his difcourfe to his brother Ifrael, who was then a member of Yale-College at New-Haven, and had been profecuting his fludies and academical exercifcs there, to that end, that he might be fitted for the work of the miniftry, and was now with him*. He now, and from time to time, in this his dying ftate, recommended to his brother, a life of felf denial, of weanednefs from the world, and devotednefs to God, and an earncft: endeavour to obtain much of the grace of God's Spirit, and God's gracious influences on his heart ; reprefenting the great need which minifters ftand in of them, and the unfpeakable ben- efit of them from his own experience. Among ma- ny
* 'qhJIjAgung gentlinan vns an ingenious, fcrlous, ftudious, and hopefully truly pious PJlHL: Tlicr« appeared in him many cjualuies giving hope ot his-bein^-a great bleflKih his day. But it has pleafed God, fiiice the death of his brother, to Take hiiq away alfo. He died that winter, at New-Huven, on Jan. 6, i7i7i^> ^'^ •^ rervQ'is fever, afier about a f jviniglit's illnefs^
Mr. DAVID BR A I NERD. 285
ny other exprtflions, he faid thus ; When minilWs feel thefe fpecial gracious influences on their hearts, it wonderfully affifts them to come at the con- fciences of men, and as it were to handle them with hands ; whereas, without them, whatever rea- fon and oratory we make ufe of, we do but make ufe of ftumps, inflead of hands.'*
Monday, September 21. — I began to corred: a little volume of my private writings : God, I believe, re- markably helped me in it ; my ftrength was fur- prifingly lengthened out, and my thoughts quick and lively, and my foul refreflied, hoping it might be a work for God. O, how good, how fweet it is, to labour for God !
Tuefday, September 22. — Was again employed m reading and correcfting, and had the fame fucccfs, as the day before. ' I was exceeding weak ; but it feemed to refrefh my foul, thus to fpend time.
IVednefday, September 23. — I finillied my correc- tions of the little piece forementioned, and felt un- commonly peaceful : It feemed as if I had now done all my work in this world, and ftood ready for my call to a better. As long as I fee any thing to be done for God, life is worth having : But O, how vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end \ This day I indited a letter, 1 tliink, of great impor- tance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram in Ncvv-Jerfey : O that God would blcfs and fucceed that letter, which was written for the benefit of his church* ! O that God would purify the fins of Levi, that his glory may be advanced \ This night, I endured a dread- ful turn, wlierein my life was expedtcd fcarce an hour or minute together. But blcfled be God, I have enjoyed confiderable fweetnefs in divine things, this week, both by night and day. .
1'hurfday,
* It was concerning the qualifications of rn'm'tcrs, ancL tkt examicstion and ILcccf- »o£ of c^ndidaLcs for ihe work of the iriniHrv.
a86 TheLIFEof
VThurfday, September 24. — My ftrength began io fall exceedingly ; which looked further as if I had done all my work : However, I had ftrength to fold and fuperfcribe my letter. About two I went to bed, being weak and much difordered, and lay in a burn- ing fever until night, without any proper reft. In the evening I got up, having lain down in fome of my clothes ; but was in the greateft diflrefs, that ever I endured, having an uncommon kind of hic- cough ; which either ftrangled me, or threw me in- to a ftraining to vomit; and at the fame time was diftrelfed with griping pains. O, the diftrefs of this evening ! I had little expe(5tation of my living the night through, nor indeed had any about me : And I longed for the finifhing moment ! I was oblig- ed to repair to bed by fix o*cIock ; and through mercy enjoyed fome reft ; but was grievoufly dif- trefted at turns with the hiccough. My foul breath- ed after God, while the watcher was with me : When (hall I come to God, even to God, my ex- ceeding joy ? O for this blefted likenefs !
Friday, September 25. — This day, I was unfpeak- ably weak, and little better than fpeechlefs all the day : However, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortably in fome part of the day. O, it refrefti- ed my foul, to think of former things, of defires to glorify God, of the pleafurcs of living to him ! O my dear God, I am fpeedily coming to thee, I hope ! Haften the day, O Lord, if it be thy blefted will : O comey Lord'JefuSy co?7ie quickly. Amen.*
Saturday, September 26. — 1 felt the fweetnefs of divine things, this forenoon ; and had the confola- tion of a confcioufnefs that I was doing fomething for God.
Lord*s
* This WS3 the lafl that ever he wrote in his Diary with his own hand : Though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner ; written by his brolhf r Ifrael, but indited \>y his inoutU in this hu weak and dying ftate.
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 287
LorcVs Day, September 27. — This was a very com- fortable day to my foul ; 1 think, I awoke with God. I was enabled to lift up my foul to God, ear- ly this morning ; and while T had little bodily ftrength, I found freedom to lift up my heart to God for myfelf and others. Afterwards, was pleaf- ed with the thoughts of fpeedily entering into the iinfeen world.
[Early this morning, as one of the family came into the room, he exprefled himfelf thus : I have had more pleafure this morning, than all the drunk- ards in the world enjoy ; if it were all extradted ! So much did he cfteem the joy of .faith above the plea fu res of lin.
He felt, that morning, an ufual appetite to food, with which his mind feemed to be exhilarated, as looking on it a fign of the very near approach of death ; and faid upon it, I was born on a Sabbath day ; and I have reafon to think I was new born on a Sabbath day j and I hope I fliall die on this Sabbath day : I fhould look upon it as a favour, if it may be the will of God that it fhould be fo : I long for the time. O, why is his chariot fo long in coming f Why tarry the wheels of his chariots P I am very willing to part with all : I am willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to fee him again, to go to be forever with the Lord*. O, when I go there, how will God's dear church on earth be up- on my mind !
Afterwards, the fame morning, being afked how he did, he anfwered, I am almoft in eternity ; I long to be there. My work is done ; I have done with all my friends ; all the world is nothing to me ; I
long
* He had, before this exprefTcd a defire, if it might be the will of God, to !ivt ;ntil his brother rcturiifd from New-jerfey : Who, when he wect away, inunded, t poffible, to perform his journey and return in a J'jttnight ; hoping once move to, m.et his brother in the land of the living. 'J he fcrUiight was now n-^r exp.'ied, -'. faded the next day.
a88 T H K L I F E o F
long to be in heaven, praifing and glorifying God with the holy angels : All my defire is to glorify God.
During the whole of thefe laft two weeks of his life he ieemed to continue in this frame of heart, loofe from all the world, as having done his work, and done with all things here below, having nothing to do but to die, and abiding in an earneft defire and expectation of the happy moment, when his foul fhould take its flight, and go to a ftate of per- fe(5lion of holinefs, and perfedl glorifying and en- joying God, manifefted in a variety of expreflions. He faid, that the confideration of the day of death, and the day of judgment, had a long time been pe- culiarly fweet to him. He from time to time fpake of his being willing to leave the body and the world immediately, that day, that night, and that moment, if it was the will of God. He alfo was much in ex- prefling his longings that the church of Chrift on earth might flourilh, and Chrift's kingdom here might be advanced, notwithftanding he was about to leave the earth, and fhould not with his eyes be- hold the defirablc^vent, nor be inftrumental in pro- moting it. He faid to me, one morning as I came into the room, my thoughts have been employed on the old dear theme, the profperity of God's church on earth. As I waked out of fleep, I was led to cry for the pouring out of God*s fpirit, and the advance- ment of Chrift's kingdom, which the dear Redeem- er did and fuffered (o much for. It is this that efpecial- ly makes me long for it. He exprcfled much hope that a glorious advancement of ChrilVs kingdom was near at hand.
He once told me, that he had formerly longed for the outpouring of the fpirit of God, and the glori- ous times of the church, and hoped they were com- ing ; and fhould have been willing to have lived to promote religion at that time, if that had been the
will
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 289
will of God ; but, fays he, I am willing it fhould be as it is ; I would not have the choice to make for myfelf for ten thoufand worlds. He exprefled, on his deathbed, a full perfuafion, that he (hould in heaven fee the profperity of the church on earth, and Ihould rejoice with Chrift therein ; and the con- iideralion of it feemed to be highly pleafing and i'atisfying to his mind.
He alfo ftill dwelt much on the great importance of the work of miniftersof the gofpel ; and exprefled his longings, that they might be filled with the fpirit of God j and manifefted much defire to fee fome of the neighbouring minifters, whom he had fome acquaintance with, and vvhofe fincere friendlbip he was confident of, that he might converfe freely with them on that fubjedt, before he died. And it fo happened, that he had opportunity with fome of them according to his defirc.
Another thing that lay much on his heart, and that he fpake of, from time to time, in thefe near approaches of death, was the fpiritual profperity of his own congregation of chriftian Indians in New- Jerfey : And when he fpake of them, it was with peculiar tendernefs ; fo that his fpeech would be prefently interrupted and drowned with tears.
He alfo exprefTed much fatisfadion in the dif- pofals of Providence, with regard to the circum- flances of his death ; particularly that God had before his death given him the opportunity he had liad in Bofton, vvitli fo many confiderable pcrfons, miniflcrs and others, to give in his tcflimony for God, and againft fiilfe religion, and many miftakes that lead to it and promote it ; and there to lay before pious and charjtable gentlemen, the flate of the In- dians and their ncceffuies, to fo good efFed: ; and that God had /jnce given liim opportunity to write to them farther concerning thefe afiairs ; and to write other
T letters
290 T H E L I F E O F
letters of importance, that he hoped might be of good influence with regard to the ftate of religion among the Indians, and elfe where, after his death. He exprefled great thankfulnefs to God for his mer- cy in thefe things. He alfo mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful circumflance of his death, that he fhould die here. And fpeaking of thefe things, he faid, God had granted him all his defire ; and fignified, that now he could with the greater alacrity- leave the world.]
Monday y September 28. — I was able to read, and make fome few corrections in my private writings ; but found I could not write, as I had done ; I found myfelf fenfibly declined in all refpedts. It has been only from a little while before noon, until about one or two o*clock, that I have been able to do any thing, for fome time paft : Yet this refreflied my heart, that I could do any thing, either publick or private, that I hoped was for God,
[This evening he was fuppofed to be dying : Hs thought fo himfelf, and was thought fo by thofe who were about him. He feemed glad at the ap- pearance of the near approach of death. He was almoft fpeechlefs, but his lips appeared to move ; and one that fat very near him, heard him utter fuch expreilions as thefe. Come, Lordjcfus, come quickly, O, why is his chariot Jo long in coming ! After he revived, he blamed himfelf for having been too ea- ger to be gone. And in exprefling what he found in the frame of his mind at that time, he fliid, he then found an inexprcflibly Iweet love to thofe that he looked upon as belonging to Chrift, beyond al- moft all that ever he felt before ; fo that it feemed, to ufe his own words, like a little piece of heaven to have one of them near him. And being afked whether he heard the prayer that was, at his defire, nj^de with him j he faid, yes, he heard every word,
and
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 291
and had an uncommon fenfe of the things that were uttered in that prayer, and that every word reached his heart.
On the evening of the next day, viz. Tuefday, September 29, as he lay in his bed, he feemed to be in an extraordinary frame ; his mind greatly engag- ed in lueet meditations concerning the profperity of Zion : There being prefent here at that time two young gentlemen of his acquaintance, that were candidates for the minidry, he defired us all to unite in finging a Pfalm on that fubjedt, even Zion*s profperity. And on his defire we fung a part of the ciid Pfalm. This feemed much to refrefh and revive him, and gave him new flrength ; fo that, though before he could fcarcely fpeak at all, now he proceeded, with fome freedom of fpeech, to give his dying counfels to thofe two young gentlemen forementioned, relating to their preparation for, and profecution of that great work of the miniftry they were deiigned for ; and in particular, earneftly recom- mending to them frequent fccret failing and prayer : And enforced his counfel with regard to this, from his own experience of the great comfort and benefit of it; which, faid he, I fhould not mention, were it not that I am a dying perfon. And after he had finifhed his counfel, he made a prayer, in the audi- ence of us all ; wherein, befides praying for this family, for his brethren, and thofe candidates for the miniftry, and for his own congregation, he earn- cftly prayed for the reviving and flourilliing of re- ligion in the world.
Until now he had every day fat up part of the day ; but after this he never rofe from his bed.]
l^ydnefday, Sep!eml>er 30.— I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through weaknefs. However, redeemed a little tinae, and with the help of my brother, read and corre<5ted about a dozen pages ia yny M.S. giving an account of my converfion.
T % Ihurfday,
A-
292 The life of
Thurfday, OBober i . — I endeavoured again to do fomething by way of writing, but foon found my powers of body and mind utterly fail. Felt not fo fweetly as when I was able to do fometbing that I hoped would do fome good. In the evening, was difcompofed and wholly delirious ; but it was not long before God was pleafed to give me fome fleep, and fully compofed my mind*. O, bleffed be God for his great goodnefs to me, fince I was {o low at Mr. Bromfield's, on Thurfday, June 18 laft paft. He has, except thofe few minutes, given me the clear exercife of my reafon, and enabled me to labour much for him, in things both of a publick and private nature ; and, perhaps, to do more good than I fhould have done if I had been well ; befides the comfortable influences of his bleffed Spirit, with which he has been pleafed to refrelli my foul. May his name have all the glory forever and ever. Amen.
Friday^ OBober 2. — My foul was this day, at turns, fweetly fet on God : I longed to be with him, that I might behold his glory. I felt fweetly dif- pofed to commiit all to him, even my deareft friends, my deareft flock, and my abfent brother, and all my concerns for time and eternity. O that his king- dom might come in the world ; that they might all love and glorify him, for what he is in himfelf ; and that the bleffed Redeemer might 7?<? of the travail of his foul and be fatisjied. O, covie^ Lord ^Jefus^ come quickly. Amen-f*.
[The next evening we very much expelled his brother John from New-Jerfey ; it being about a week after the time that he propofed for his return, when he went away. And though our expectations
were
* From this time forward, he had the free ufc of his reafon until the day before - his death ; excepting that at fome times he appeared a little loft for a moment, at firft waking out of fleep.
+ Here ends his Diary : Thefe are the laft words that arc written ia it, either by his own hftodj 01 by any othw from Jiis raoutb,
Mr. DAVID BR A IN ERD. 293
were ftill difappointed, yet Mr. Brainerd feemed to continue unmoved, in the fame calm and peaceful frame, that he had before manifefted ; as having re- figned all to God, and having done with his friends, and with all things below.
On the morning of the next day, being Lord's Day, Odiober 4, as my daughter Jerufha, who chief- ly tended him, came into the room, he looked on her very pleafantly, and faid, Dear Jerufha, are you willing to part with me ? I am quite willing to part with you : I am willing to part with all my friends : I am willing to part with my dear brother John, although I love him the beft of any creature living : I have committed him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with God. Though if I thought I fhould not fee you, and be happy with you in another world, I could not bear to part with you. But we fliall fpend an happy eternity together !
In the evening, as one came into the room with a Bible in her hand, he expreffed himfelf thus ; O, that dear book ! that lovely book ! I (liall foon fee it opened ! The myfteries that are in it, and the myfteries of God*s providence, will be all unfolded !
His diftemper now very apparently preyed on his vitals in an extraordinary manner : Not by a fudden breaking of ulcers in his lungs, as at Bofton, but by a conilant difcharge of purulent matter, in great quantities : So that what he brought up by expeftoration, feemed to be as it were mouthfuls of almoft clear pus ; which was attended with very great inward pain and diitrefs.
On Tuefday, Ocflober 6, he lay for a coniiderablc time, as if he were dying. At which time, he was heard to utter, in broken whifpcrs, fuch expreffion^ as thcfe : He will come, he will not tarry. I fliall foon be in glory. 1 Ihall foon glorify God with the angels. But after fomc time he revived.
T 2 The
294 The LIFE of
The next day, viz. Wednefday, Odlober 7, his brother John arrived, being returned from New- Jerfey ; where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by a mortal ficknefs prevailing among the chriftian Indians, and by fome other things in their circumftances that made his ftay with them neccfTary. Mr. Brainerd was affedted and refrefhed with feeing him, and appeared full/ fatisfied with the reafons of his delay ; feeing the intereft of religion and of the fouls of his people re- quired it.
The next day, Thurfday, Odlober 8, he was in great diftrefs and agonies of body ; and for the big- ger part of the day, was much difordered as to the exercife of his reafon. In the evening he was more compofed, and had the ufe of his reafon well ; but the pain of his body continued and increafed. He told me it was impoffible for any to conceive of the diftrefs he felt in his breaft. He manifefted much concern left he fhould diftionour God, by impatience under his extreme agony ; which was fuch, that he faid, the thought of enduring it one minute longer was almoft infuppoftable. He defired that others would be much in lifting up their hearts continual- ly to God for him, that God would fupport him, and give him patience. He fignified that he ex- pected to die that night ; but feemed to fear a long- er delay : And the difpofition of his mind with re- gard to death appeared ftill the fame that it had been all along. And notwithftanding his bodily agonies, yet the intereft of Zion lay ftill with great weight on his mind ; as appeared by fome confider- able difcourfe he had that evening with the Rev. Mr. Billing, one of the neighbouring minifters, who was then prefent, concerning the great importance of the work of the miniftry, &c. And afterwards, when it was very late in the night, he had much
very
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 295
very proper and profitable difcourfe with his brother John, concerning his congregation in New-Jerfey, and the intereft of rehgion among the Indians. In the latter part of the night, his bodily diftrefs feem- ed to rife to a greater height than ever ; and he faid to thofe then about him, that it was another thing to die, than people imagined ; explaining him- felf to mean that they were not aware what bodily pain and anguilh is undergone before death. To- wards day, his eyes fixed ; and he continued lying immoveable, until about fix o'clock in the morning, and then expired, on Friday, 0<5lober9, 1747, when his foul, as we may well conclude, was received by his dear Lord and Mafler, as an eminently faithful fervant, into that flate of perfection of holinefs, and fruition of God, which he had fo often and fo ar- dently longed for ; and was welcomed by the glo- rious afTembly of the upper world, as one peculiarly fitted to join them in their blelled employments and enjoyments.
Much refpedt was fhewn to his memory at his funeral ; which was on the Monday following, af- ter a fermon preached the fame day, on that folemn occafion. His funeral was attended by eight of the neighbouring minifters, and feventeen other gentle- men of liberal education, and a great concourfe of people.
T 4 So.^ie
2g6 TheLIFEop
Some further REMAINS of the Rev. Mr. DA- VID BRAINERD.
Some Sighs of Godliness.
The difjnguijhing Marks of a true Christian, take?i from one of my old Manufcripts ; where I wrote as I felt and experiencedy and not from any confiderable degree of doBrinal knowledge or ac- quaintance with the fentiments of others in this point,
I. T TE has a true knowledge of the glory and ex- xl cellency of God, that he is moft worthy to be loved and praifed for his own divine perfec- tions. Pfal. cxlv. 3.
2. God is his portion. Pfal.lxxiii.'25. And God's glory, his great concern. Matth. vi. 22.
3. Holinefs is his delight ; nothing he fo much longs for, as to be holy, as God is holy. Phil, iii. 9— 12.
4. Sin is his greateft enemy. This he hates for its own nature, for what it is in itfelf, being con- trary to a holy God. Jer. ii. i. And confequently he hates all fin. Rom. vii. 24. i John iii. 9.
5. The laws of God alfo are his delight. Pfal. cxix. 97. Rom. vii. 22. Thefe he obferves, not out of conftraint, from a fervile fear of hell ; but they are his choice. Pfal. cxix. 30. The flrid obfervance of them is not his bondage, but his great- eft liberty. Verfe 45.
LETTERS,
Mr. DAVID BR A I NERD. 297
LETTERS, written by Mr. BRAINERD to his FRIENDS.
To his Brother John, at Tale-College in New-Haven,
Kaunaumeek, December 27, 1743.
Dear Brother, LONG to fee you, and know how you fare in
I
your journey through a world of inexpreffible for- row, where we are compafTed about with vanity, confufion and vexation of fpirit, I am more weary of life, I think, than" ever I was. The whole world appears to me like a huge vacuum, a vaft empty fpace, whence nothing defirable, or at leaft fatisfac- tory, can pofTibly be derived ; and I long daily to die more and more to it ; even though I obtain not that comfort from fpiritual things, which I earneft- ly defire. Worldly pleafures, fuch as flow from greatnefs, riches, honours, and fenfual gratifications, are infinitely worfe than none. May the Lord de- liver us more and more from thefe vanities. I have fpent moft of the fall and winter hitherto in a very weak ftate of body ; and fbmetimes under preffing inward trials and ipiritual conflidts : But having ob^ tained help from God^ I continue to this day ; and am now fomething better in health, than I was fometime ago. I find nothing more conducive to a life of chriftianity, than a diligent, induftrious, and faith- ful improvement of precious time. Let us then faithfully perform that bufinefs, which is allotted to us by Divine Providence, to the utmoil of our bodi- ly ftrength, and mental vigour. JVhy Ihould we fmk, and grow difcouraged, with any particular tri- als, and perplexities, we are called to encounter in ;he world ? Death and eternity are juil before us ; a
few
298 T H E L I F E o F
few tofling billows more will waft us into the world of fpirits, and, we hope, through infinite grace, into endlefs pleafures, and uninterrupted reft and peace. Let us then run with patience^ the race fet before us, Heb. xii. i. 2. And O that we could de- pend more upon the living God, and lefs upon our own wifdom and ftrength. Dear brother, may the God of all grace comfort your heart, and fucceed your ftudics, and make you an infirument of good to his people in your day. This is the conilant prayer of Your afFedlionate brother,
DAVID BRAINERD.
To his Brother Israel, at Haddam.
Kaunaumeek, January 21, ii^s,\
My dear Brother,
-THERE is but one thing, that deferves
our higheft care and moft ardent delires ; and that is, that we may anfwer the great end, for which we were made ; viz. to glorify that God, who has given us our beings and all our comforts, and to do all the good we poffibly can, to our fellow men, while we live in the world ; And verily life is not worth the having, if it be not improved for this noble end and purpofe. Yet, alas, how little is this thought of among mankind ! Moft men feem to live to themfelves, without much regard to the glo- ry of God, or the good of their fellow creatures ; they earneftly defire, and eagerly purfue after the riches, the honours, and the pleafures of life, as if they really fuppofed, that wealth, or greatnefs, or merriment, could make their immortal fouls happy. But alas, what falfe and delufive dreams are thele 1 And how miferable will thofe ere long be, who are not awaked out of them, to fee that all their happi-
nels
Mr. DAVID BRAINERD. 299
nefs confifts in living to God, and becoming holy as he is holy ! O, may you never fall into the tempers and vanities, the lenluality and folly of the prefent world. You are, by Divine Providence, left as it were alone in a wide world, to ad: for yourfelf : Be fure then to remem.ber, it is a world of temptation. You have no earthly parents to be the means of forming your youth to piety and virtue, by their pi- ous examples, and I'eafonable counfels : Let this then excite you with greater diligence and fervency to look up to the Father of Mercies for grace and af- liflance againft all the vanities of the world. And if you would glorify God, anfwer his juft expeda- tions from you, and make your own foul happy in this and the coming world, obierve thefe few direc- tions ; though not from a father, yet from a broth- er who is touched with a tender concern for your prefent and future happinefs. And,
Firji, Refolve upon, and daily endeavour to prac- tife a life of ferioulnefs, and itridt fobriety. The wife man will tell you the great advantage of fucha life, Ecclef. vii. 3. Think of the life of Ciiriil ; and when you can find that he was pi^afed with jelling and vain merriment, then you may mdulgeitin yourfelf.
Again, Be careful to make a good improvement of precious time. When you ceale from labour, fill up your time in reading, meditation, and prayer : And while your hands are labouring, let your heart be employed, as much as poiTible, in divine thoughts.
Further, Take heed that you faithfully pertorm the bufinefs you have to do in the world, from a re- gard to the commands of God ; and not from an ambitious defire of being eflccmed better than oth- ers. Wefhould always look upon ourfelves as God's fervants, placed in God's world, to do his work ; and accordingly labour faithfully for him ; not with a defign to grow rich and great, but to glorify God, J^nd do all the good we poflibly can.
Again,
§00 1" H E L I F E O F
Again^ Never exped: any fcitlsfadlion or happi- nefs from the world. If you hope for happinefs ia the world, hope for it from God, and not from the world. Do not think you fhall be more happy, if you live to fuch or fuch a ftate of life, if you live to be for yourfelf, to be fettled in the world, or if you fhould gain an eftate in it : But look upon it that you fhall then be happy, when you can be con* ftantly employed for God, and not for yourfelf ; and defire to live in this world, only to do and fuf- fer what God* allots to you. When you can be of the fpirit and temper of angels, who are willing to come down into this lower world, to perform what God commands them, though their defires are heav- €nly, and not in the leaft fet on earthly things, then you will be of that temper that you ought to have. Coloff. iii. 2.
Once more, Never think that you can live to God by your own power or ftrength ; but always look to and rely on him for affiflance, yea, for all llrength and grace. There is no greater truth, than this, nat we can do nothing of ourf elves ; John xv. 5. and 2 Cor. iii. 5. Yet nothing but our own expe- rience can effe(5lually teach it to us. Indeed we are a long time in learning, that all our ilrength and fal- vation is in God. This is a life, that I think noun- converted man can poffibly live ; and yet it is a life that every godly foul is preffing after, in fome good meafure. Let it then be your great concern, thus to devote yourfelf and your all to God.
I long to fee you, that 1 may fav much more to you than I now can, for your benefit and welfare ; but I defire to commit you to, and leave you with the Father of Mercies, and God of all grace ; praying that you may be directed fafely through an evil world, to God's heavenly kingdom.
I am your affecftionate loving brother,
DAVID BPvAINERD.
To
Mr. DAVID BRAIN ERD. 301
To ^ Special Friend.
The Forks of Delaware, July 31, 1744.
■CERTAINLY the greateft, thenobleft pleaf-
ure of intelligent creatures muft refult from their ac- quaintance with the bleffed God, and with their own rational and immortal fouls. And O, how divinely fweet and entertaining is it, to look into our own fouls, when we can find all our powers and paffions united and engaged in purfuit after God, our whole fouls longing and pallionately breathing after a con- form.ity to him, and the full enjoyment of him 1 Verily there are no hours pafs away with fo much divine pleafure, as thofe that are fpent in commun- ing with God and our own hearts. O, how fweet is a fpirit of devotion, a fpirit of ferioufnefs and di- vine folemnity, a fpirit of gofpel fimplicity, love, tendernefs 1 O how defirable, and how profitable to the chriftian life, is a fpirit of holy watchfulnefs, and godly jealoufy over ourfelves j when our fouls are afraid of nothing fo much as that we fhall grieve and offend the bleffed God, whom at fuch times we apprehend, or atleafl: hope, to be a father and friend ; whom we then love and long to pleafe, rather than to be happy ourfelves ; or at leafl we delight to derive our happinefs from pleafing and glorifying him ! Surely this is a pious temper, worthy of the highefl ambition and clofefl purfuit of intelligent creatures and holy chriftians. O how vaflly fuperiour is the pleafure, peace, and fatisfadion derived from thefe divine frames, to that which we, alas, fometimes purfue in things impertinent and trifling ! Our own bitter experience teaches us, that hi the midji <?/fucb laughter the heart is forrowfuly and there is no true fatisfaction but in God. But, alas ! How fhall we obtain and retain this fweet fpirit of religion and de- votion ? Let us follow the apoflle's dired:ion, Phil.
ii, ,
302 TheLIFEof
ii. 12. and labour upon the encouragement he there mentions, verfe 13. For it is God only can afford us this favour ; and he will be fought to, and it is fit we fhould wait upon him for i'o rich a mercy. O, may the God of all grace afford us the grace and in- fluences of his Divine Spirit ; and help us that we may from our hearts efteem it our greateft liberty and happinefs, that whether we livey we may live to the Lord, or whether we die^ we may die to the Lord ; that in life and death we may be his.
I am in a very poor flate of health j I think, fcarce ever poorer : But through divine goodnefs, 1 am not difcontented under my weaknefs, and confinement to this wildernefs : I blefs God for this retirement. I never was more thankful for any thing, than I have been of late for the neceiTity 1 am under of felf denial in many refpe(5ts. I love to be a pilgrim and flran- ger in this wildernefs : It feems moll: fit for fuch a poor, ignorant, worthlefs, defpifed creature as 1. I would not change my prefent miflion for any other bufinefs in the whole world. I may tell you freely, without vanity and oftentation, God has of late giv- en me great freedom and fervency in prayer, when I have been fo weak and feeble, my nature feemed as if it would fpeedily dilfolve. I feel as if my all was loft, and 1 was undone for this world, if the poor heathen may not be converted. I feel in gen- eral, different from what I did when I favv you laft ; at leaft, more crucified to all the enjoyments of life. It would be very refrefhing to me, to fee you here in this defert ; efpecially in my weak difconfolate hours : But, I think 1 could be content never to lee you, or any of my friends again in this world, if God would blefs my labours here to the converfion of the poor Indians.
I have much that I could willingly communi- cate to you, which I muft omit, until Providence
gives
M R. D A V I D B R A I N E R D. 303
gives us leave to fee each other. In the mean time, I reft,
Your obliged friend and fervant,
DAVID BRAINERD.
To i2 Special Friend, a Minijier of the Gofpcl in New-'Jerfey.
The Forks of Delaware, December 24, 1744.
Rev. and dear Brother,
1 HAVE little to fay to you, about fpiritu-
al joys, and thofe blelTed refrefhrnents, and divine confolations, with which I have been much favoured in times pafi: : But this 1 can tell you, that if I gain experience in no other point, yet I am fure 1 do in this, viz. that the prefent world has nothing in it to fatisfy an immortal foul ; and hence,that it is not to be defired for itfelf, but only becaufe God may be i'een and ferved in it : And I wifh I could be more patient and willing to live in it for this end, than I can ufually find myfelf to be. It is no virtue, I know, to defirc death, only to be freed from themif- eries of lite : But I want that divine hope, which you ob ferved, when I faw you laft, was the very iin- ews of vital religion. Earth can do us no good, and if there be no hope of our doing good on earth. How can we defire to live in it ? And yet we ought todeiire, or at leaft to be refigned to tarry in it ; be- caulc It is the will of our allwife Sovereign. But per- haps thefe thoughts will appear melancholy and gloomy, and confequently will be very undefirable to you; and therefore I forbear to add. I wilhyou may not read them in the fame circumflances in which I write them. I have a little more to do and fuffcr in a dark difconfolate world ; and then I hope to be as hapoy as you are, I (liouid aflc vcu topra/
for
304 TheLIFEof
for. me, wcrel worth your concern. May the Lord enable us both to endure hardnefs as ^ood foldiers of 'Jefus Chriji ; and may we obtain mercy of God to be'' faithful, to the deaths in the difcharge of our refpecft- ive trufts.
I am your very unworthy brother, And humble fervant,
DAVID BRAINERD.
T(? his Brother John, at College,
Crosweeksung, In Neiv-Jer/ej, December 28, 1745.
Very dear Brother,
-I AM in one continued, perpetual, and
uninterrupted hurry; and Divine Providence throws fo much upon me, that I do not fee it will ever be otherwife. May 1 obtain mercy of God to be faithful^ to the death. I cannot fay, I am weary of my hur- ry ; I only want flrength and grace to do more for God, than I have ever yet done.
My dear brother, the Lord of heaven, that has carri- ed me through many trials, blefs you ; blefs you for time, and eternity; and fit you to do fervice for him in his church below, and to enjoy his blifsful prefence in his church triumphant. My brother, the time is fhort : O, let us fill it up for God : Let us count the fufferings of this prefent time as nothing, if we can but run our race, "AX^di finifld our courfe with joy, O let us ftrive to live to God. I blefs the Lord, 1 have nothing to do with earth, but only to labour honefl- ly in it for God, until I fliall accomplijlo as an hire- ling my day, I think 1 do not defire to live one min- ute for any thing that earth can afford. O that I could live for none but God , until my dying moment. I am your affectionate brother,
DAVID BRAINERD.
7>
Mr. DAVID BR AI NERD. 305
To his Brother Israel, then a Student at Tale-CoU lege^ in 'New-Haven.
Elizabeth-Town, Ne-w-Jer/ey, November 24, 1746.
Dear Brother, I HAD determined to make you and my other friends in New-England a vifit, this fall ; partly from an earneft defire I had to fee you and them, and partly with a view to the recovery of my health ; which has, for more than three months pafl, been much impaired. And in order toprofecute this de- fign, I fet out from my own people about three weeks ago, and came as far as to this place ; where, my difordcr greatly increafing, I have been obliged to keep houfc ever fince, until the day before yefter- day j at which time I was able to ride about half a mile, but found myfelf much tired with the journey. I have now no hopes of profecuting my journey in- to New-England this winter, fuppofing my prefent ftate of health will by no means admit of it. Al- though I am, through divine goodnefs, much better than I was fbme days ago, yet 1 have not ftrength now to ride more than ten miles a day, if the feafon were warm, and fit for me to travel in. My difor- der has been attended with feveral fymptomsofa confum.ption ; and I have been at times apprehen- five, that my great change was at hand : Yet, bleffed be God, I have never been affrighted ; but on the contrary, at fomc rimes much delighted with a view of its approach. O the bleffedncfs of being deliv- ered from the clogs of flefli and fenfe, from a body of fin and fpiritual death ! O, the unfpeakablc I'weetnefs of being tranllated into a flate of complete purity and perfcdion ! Believe me, my brother, a lively view and hope of thefc things will make the kin^ of terrors himfelf appear agreeable. Dear broth-
U er,
3o6 TheLIFEof
er, let me entreat you to keep eternity in your view, and behave yourfelf as becomes one that muft fhort- ]y give an account of all things done in the body. That God may be your God, and prepare' you for his fervice here, and his kingdom of glory hereafter, is thedefire and daily prayer of
Your afFe(5tionate loving brother,
DAVID BRAINERD.
To his Brother Israel, at College ; written in the time of his extreme illnefs in Boflon^ a few months before his death.
Boston, June 30, 1747.
My dear Brother, IT is from the fides of eternity I novvaddrefs you. I am heartily forry, that I have fo little ftrength to write what I long fo much to communicate to you. But let me tell you, my brother, eternity is another thing than we ordinarily take it to be in a healthful ftate. O how vaft and boundlefs ! O how fixed and unalterable ! O, of what infinite importance is it, that we be prepared for eternity ! I have been juft a dying, now for more than a week ; and all around me have thought me fo : But in this time I have had clear views of eternity ; have feentheblefT- ednefs of the godly, in fome meafure ; and have longed to lliare their happy ftate ; as well as been comfortably fatisfied, that, through grace, I fhall do fo : But O, what anguifh is raifed in my mind, to think of an eternity for thofe who are chriftlefs, for thofe who are miftaken, and who bring their falfe hopes to the grave with them ! The fight was fo dreadful, I could by no means bear it : My thoughts recoiled, and I faid, but under a more affecfling fenfe than ever before, Who can dwell with eve rla fling
burnings l
Mr. DAVID B R A I N E R D. 307
burnings I O, methought, that I could now fee my friends, that I might warn them, to fee to it, they- lay their foundation for eternity fure. And you my dear brother, I have been particularly concerned for ; and have wondered I fo much ncglecfled con- verfing with you about your fpiritual ftate at our laft meeting. O, my brother, let me then befeech you now to examine, whether you are indeed a new creature ? Whether you have ever a6led above felf ? Whether the glory of God has ever been the fweet- cfl: higheft concern with you ? Whether you have ever been reconciled to all the perfe(5tions of God ? In a word, whether God has been your portion, and a holy conformity to him your chief delight ? If you cannot anfwer pofitively, confider ferioufly the frequent breathings of your foul : But do not how- ever put yourfelf off with a flight anfwer. If you have rcafon to think you are gracelefs, O give your- felf and the throne of grace no reft, until God arife and fave. But if the cafe fliould be otherwife, blefs God for his grace, and prefs after holinefs.
My foul longs, that you fhould be fitted for, and in due time go into the work of the miniftry. I cannot bear to think of your going into any other bufinefs in life. Do not be difcouraged, becaufe you fee your elder brothers in the miniftry die early, one after another : I declare now I am dying, I would not have fpent my Wio. otherwife for the whole world. But I mull: leave this with God.
If this line fhould come to your hands foon after the date, I fliould be almoft defirous you fhould fet out on a journey to me : It may be, you may fee me alive ; which I fhould much rejoice in. But if you cannot come, I muft commit you to the grace of God, where you are. May he be your guide and couiifellor, your fandtifier, and eternal por- tion.
Ua o
3o8 The LIFE of
O my dear brother, flee fleflily lufts, and the en- chanting amufements, as well as corrupt dodtrines, of the prefent day ; and flrive to live to God. Take this as the lail: line from
Your affedionate dying brother,
DAVID BRAINERD.
To a yoimgGentleman^ a Candidate for the Work of the MiniJirVjfor whom he had a fpecialfriendjhip ; alfo written at the fame titne of his great illnefs and near" nefs to death in Bojion,
Very dear Sir,
HOW amazing it is, that the living, who know they muft die, fliould notwith{1:anding/>///y^r aivay the evil day^ in a feafon of health and profperity ; and live at fuch an awful diftancefrom a familiarity with the grave, and the great concerns beyond it ! And efpecially it may juftly fill us with furprife, that any whofe minds have been divinely enlightened, to behold the important things of eternity as they are, I fay, that fuch fliould live in this manner. And yet fir, how .frequently is this the cafe ! How rare are the inflances of thofe who live and ad: from day to day, as on the verge of eternity ; flriving to fill up all their remaining moments, in the fervice, and to the honour of their great Mafter ! Vl^e infenfibly trifle away time, while we feem to have enough of it ; and are fo ftrangely amufed, as in a great meaf- ure to lofe a fenfe of the holinefs and blefled qualifi- cations necelTary to prepare us to be inhabitants of the heavenly paradife. But O, dear fir, a dying bed, if we enjoy our reafon clearly, will give anoth- er view of things. I have now, for more than three weeks, lain under thegreatefl degree of w'eaknefs ; the greater part of the time, expeding daily and
hourly
Mr. DAVID BRA IN ERD. 309
hourly to enter into the eternal world : Sometimes have been fo far gone, as to be wholly fpeechlefs, for fome hours together. And O, of what vaft im- portance has a holy fpiritual life appeared to me to be in this feafon ! 1 have longed to call upon all my friends, to make it their bufinefs to live to God ,• and efpecially all that are deligned for, or engaged in the fervice of the fand:uary. O, dear fir, do not think it enough, to live at the rate of common chrif- tians. Alas, to how little purpofe do they often converfe, when they meet together ! The vifits even of thofe who are called chriftians indeed, are frequently extreme barren : And conscience cannot but con- demn us for the mifimprovement of time, while we have been converfant with them. But the way to enjoy the divine prefence, and be fitted for difiin- guiihing fervice for God, is to live a life of great de- votion and conlfant felf dedication to him ; obfcrv- ing the motions and difpofitions of our own hearts, whence we may learn the corruptions that lodge there, and our conftant need of help from God for the performance of the leaf!: duty. And O, dear fir, let rne befcech you frequently to attend the great and precious duties of fecret fading and prayer.
I have a fecret thought, from fome things I have obferved, that God may perhaps defign you for fome fingular fervice in the world. O then labour to be prepared and qualified to do much for God. Read Tvlr. Edwards* piece on the afFe(5tions, again and again ; and labour to diilinguKh clearly upon expe- riences and affe(5tions in religion, that you may m.ake a difference between the gold and tlie Ihining drofs ; I lay, labour here, as ever you would be an ufeful minifter of Chrift : For nothing has put fuch a flop to the work of God in the late day as tl^c falfe religion, the wild affections that attended ir. Suffer me therefore, finally to entreat you ea^rnefil/
U 3 to
310 The LIFE, &c.
to give yourfelf to prayer, to reading, and meditation on divine truths : Strive to penetrate to the bottom of them, and never be content with a fuperficial knowledge. By this means, your thoughts will gradually grow weighty and judicious ; and you hereby will be poflefTed of a valuable treafure, out of which you may produce things new and old, to the glory of God.
And now I commend you to the grace of God ; earneftly defiring, that a plentiful portion of the Di- vine Spirit may reft upon you ; that you may live to God in every capacity of life, and do abundant fer^ vice for him in publick, if it be his will ; and that you may be richly qualified for the inheritance of the faints in light.
I fcarce expe(5t to fee your face any more in the body; and therefore entreat you to accept this as the laft token of love, from
Your fincerely affed:ionate dying friend,
DAVID BRAINERD.
P. S. I am now, at the dating of this letter, con- siderably recovered from what 1 was when I wrote it ; it having lain by me fome time, for want of an opportunity of conveyance : It was written in Bof- ton. I am now able to ride a little, and fo am re- moved into the country : But I have no more expect- ation of recovering, than when I wrote, though I am a little better for the prefent ; and therefore I flill fubfcribe myfelf.
Your dying friend, &c.
D. B.
A N
3' I
A N
APPENDIX,
Containing fome REFLECTIONS ^W OBSERVA- TIONS on the preceding Memoirs of Mr. Brai-
NBRD.
I. T^T'E have here an opportunity, as I apprehend, V V in a very lively inftance, to iee the nature of true religion ; and the manner of its operation, when exemplified in a high degree and powerful exercife. Particularly it may be worthy to be ob- ferved,
I . How greatly Mr. Brainerd*s religion differed from that of fome pretenders to the experience of a clear work of faving converfion wrought on their hearts ; who, depending and living on that, fettle in a cold, carelefs and carnal frame of mind, and in a negled: of thorough, earneft religion, in the flated practice of it. Ahhough his convi<flions and con- verfion were in all refped:s exceeding clear and very remarkable ; yet how far was he from acting as though he thought he had got through his work, when once he had obtained comfort, and fatisfad;ioii of his intereli in Chriff, and title to heaven. On the contrary, that work on his heait, by which he was brought to this, was with him evidently but the beginning of his work, his firfl entering on the great bufinefs of religion and the fervice of God, his firft fetting out in his race. His work was not fin- ilhed, nor his race ended, until life was ended ; agreeable to frequent fcripturereprefentations of the chriflian life. He continued preffing forward in a U 4 conliant
312 Reflections j/zi Observations
conftant manner, forgetting the things that were be- hind, and reaching forth towards the things that were before. His pains and earneftnefs in the bufi- nefs of rehgion were rather increafed, than dimin- ifhed, after he had received comfort and fatisfadtion concerning the fafety of his Hate. Thofe divine principles, which after this he was ad:uated by, of love to God, and longings and thirftings after holi- nefs, feem to be more effectual to engage him to pains and activity in religion, than fear of hell had been before.
And as his converfion was not the end of his work, or of the courfe of his diligence and ftrivings in re- ligion ; fo neither was it the end of the work of the Spirit of God on his heart : But on the contrary, the beginning of that work ; the beginning of his fpiritual difcoveries, and holy views ; the firft dawn- ing of the light, which thenceforward increafed more and more ; the beginning of his holy affec- tions, his forrow for fin, his love to God, his rejoic- ing in Chrift Jefus, his longings after holinefs. And the powerful operations of the Spirit of God in thefe things, were carried on, from the day of his conver- iion, in a continued courfe, to his dying day. His religious experiences, his admiration, his joy and praife, and flowing affe<5tions, did not only hold up to a confiderable height for a few days, weeks or months, at firft, while hope and comfort were new things with him ; and then gradually dwindle and die away, until they came to almoft nothing, and fo leave him without any fenfible or remarkable expe- rience of fpiritual difcoveries, or holy and divine af- fections, for months together ; as it is with many, who, after the newnefs of things is over, foon come to that pafs, that it is again with them very much as it ufed to be before their fuppofed converfion, with refped to any prefcnt viev/s of God*s glory, of
Chriit's
On t/)e preceding Memoirs, 313
Chrifl*s excellency, or of the beauty of divine things; and with refpe(5l: to any prefent thirftings for God, or ardent outgoings of their fouls after divine ob-' jedls : But only now and then, they have a comfort- able refledlion on things they have met with in times paft, and are fomething affeded with them ; and fo reft eafy, thinking all things are well ; they have had a good clear work, and their ftate is fafe, and they doubt not but they Ihall go to heaven when they die. How far otherwife was it with Mr. Brai- nerd, than it is with fuch perfons ! His experiences, inftead of dying away, were evidently of an increaf- ing nature. His firft love and other holy affediions, even at the beginning, were very great ; but after months and years, became much greater, and more remarkable ; and the fpiritual exercifes of his mind continued exceeding great, though not equally fo at all times, yet ufually fo, without indulged remiff- nefs, and without habitual dwindling and dying away, even until his decea-fe. They began in a time of general deadnefs all over the land, and were great- ly increafed in a time of general reviving of religion. And when religion decayed again, and a general deadnefs returned, his experiences were ftill kept up in their height, and his holy exercifes maintained in their life and vigour ; and fo continued to be, in a general courfe, wherever he was, and whatever his circumftances were, among Englifh and Indians, in company and alone, in towns and cities, and in the howling wildernefs, in ficknefs and in health, living and dying. This is agreeable to fcripture defcriptions of true and right religion, and of the chriflian life. The change that was wrought in him at his conver- sion, was agreeable to fcripture reprefentations of that change which is wrought in true converfion ; a great change, and an abiding change, rendering him a new man, a new creature : Not only a change as
to
314 Reflections <?;?</ Observations
to hope and comfort, and an apprehenfion of his own good eftate ; and a tranlient change, confifting in high flights of pafling affedions ; but a change of nature, a change of the abiding habit and temper of his mind. Nor a partial change, merely in point of opinion, or outward reformation ; much lefs a change from one error to another, or from one fin to another ; but an univerfal change, both internal and external ; as from corrupt and dangerous principles in religion, unto the belief of the truth, fo from both the habits and waysof iin, unto univerfal holinefs of heart and practice ; from the power and lervice of Satan, unto God.
2. His religion did apparently and greatly differ from that of many high pretenders to religion, who are frequently actuated by vehement emotions of mind, and are carried on in a courfe of fudden and ftrong impreflions, and fuppofed high illumina- tions and immediate difcoveries, and at the fame time are perfons of a virulent zeal, not according to knowledge.
His convictions, preceding his converfion, did not arife from any frightful impreffions on his im- agination, or any external images and ideas of fire and brimftone, a fword of vengeance drawn, a dark pit open, devils in terrible fhapes, &c. ftrongly fix- ed in his mind. His fight of his own finfulnefs did not confiflin any imagination ot a heap of loath- fome material filthinefs within him ; nor did his fenfe of the hardnefs of his heart confiil :a any bodily feeling \\\ his bread fomething hard and hea- vy like a flone, nor in any imaginations whatever of fuch a nature.
His firfl difcovery of God or Chrift, at his con- verfion, was not any firong idea of any external glo- ry or brightnefs, or majeity and beauty of counte- nance, or pleafant voice j nor was it any fuppofed
immediate
On the preceding Memoirs. 31^
immediate manifeftation of God*s love to him in particular ; nor any imagination of Chrift*s fmil- ing face, arms open, or words immediately fpoken to him, as by name, revealing Chrift*s love to him; either words of fcripture, or any other : But a man- ifeftation of God*s glory, and the beauty of his nature, as fupremely excellent in itielf ; powerfully drawing, and fweetly captivating his heart ; bring- ing him to a hearty defire to exalt God, fet him on the throne, and give him fupreme honour and glo- ry, as the king and fovereign of the univerfe ; and alfo a new fenfe of the infinite wifdom, fuitablenefs and excellency of the way of falvation by Chrift ; powerfully engaging his whole foul to embrace this way of lalvation, and to delight in it. His firfl faith did not confift in believing that Chrift loved him, and died for him, in particular. His firfl com- fort was not from any fecret fuggeflion of God's eternal love to him, or that God was reconciled to him, or intended great mercy for him ; by any fuch texts as thele, Son, be of good cheer, thy fins are for- given thee. Fear not, I am thy God, &c. or in any liich way. On the contrary, when God's glory was firft diCcovered to him, it was without any thought of falvation as his own. His firfl: experience of the fandiifying and comforting power of God's Spirit did not begin in fome bodily fenfation, any pleafant warm feeling in his breaft, that he, as fome others, called the feeling the love ot Chrift in him, and be- ing full of the fpirir. How exceeding far were his experiences at his firft converfion from things of fuch a nature !
And if we look through the whole fcries of his experiences, from his converfion to his death, we ihall find none of this kind.
Mr. Brainerd's religion was not felfifli and mcr- (:enary ; His loye to God was primarily and prin- cipally
3i6 Reflections ^;7i Observations
cipally for the fupreme excellency of his own na- ture, and not built on a preconceived notion that God loved him, had received him into favour, and had done great things for him, or promifed great things to him : So his joy was joy in God, and not in himfelf. We fee by his Diary how, from time to time, through the courfe of his life, his foul ■was filled with ineffable fweetnefs and comfort. But what was the fpring of this ftrong and abid- ing confolation ? Not fo much the confideration of the fure grounds he had to think that his ftate was good, that God had deUvered him from hell, and that heaven was his ; or any thoughts concerning his own diflinguifhed happy and exalted circum- flances, as a high favourite of heaven : But the fweet meditations and entertaining views he had of divine things without himfelf; the affed:ing confid- erations and lively ideas of God*s infinite glory, his unchangeable bleffednefs, his fovereignty and uni- verfal dominion ; together with the fweet exerciies of love to God, giving himfelf up to him, abafing himfelf before him, denying himfelf for him, de- pending upon him, ad:ing for his glory, diligently ferving him ; and the pleaiing prolpeds or hopes he had of a future advancement of the kingdom of Chrifl, &c.
It appears plainly and abundantly all along, from his converfion to his death, that that beauty, that fort of good, which was the great objed: of the new fenfe of his mind, the new relilh and appetite given him in converfion, and thenceforward maintained and increafed in his heart, was holinefs, coniormity to God, living to God, and glorifying him.. This was what drew his heart ; this was the centre of his foul i this was the ocean to which all the ftreams of his religious afFe6tions tended j this v.-as the object that engaged his eager thirfling deiires and earnelt
purfuits :
On the precedifig Memoirs. 5^7
piirfuits : He knew no true excellency or happinefs but this : This was what he longed for moft vehe-» mently and conftantly on earth ; and this was with him the beauty and blelTednefs of heaven; which made him fo much and fo often to long for that world of glory ; it was to be perfedly holy, and perfedily exercifed in the holy employments of heaven ; thus to glorify God and enjoy him forever.
His religious illuminations, affections and com- fort feemed to a great degree, to be attended with evangelical humiliation; confifting in a fenfe of his own utter infufficiency, defpicablenefs and odiouf- nefs ; with an anfwerable difpofition and frame of heart. How deeply affe<5ted was he almoft continu- ally with his great defed:s in religion ; with his vaft diftance from that fpirituality and holy frame of mind that became him ; with his ignorance, pride, deadnefs, unfteadinefs, barrennefs ! He was not only affedied with the remembrance of his former finfulnefs, before his converfion, but with the fenfe of his prefent vilenefs and pollution. He was not only difpofed to think meanly of himfelf asbeforeGod, and in comparifonof him ; butamongft men, and as compared with them : He was apt to think other faints better than he ; yea, to look or himfelf as the mcaneft and leaft of faints ; yea, very often, as the vileft and worfi: of mankind. And notwithftanding his great attainments in fpiritual knowledge, yet we find there is fcarce any thing that he is more frequently affected and abafed with a fenfe of, than his ignorance.
Howeminently did he appear to be of a meek and quiet fpirit, rcfembling the lamblike, dovelike fpirit of Jefus Chrift I How full of love, meekncfs, quietnefs, forgivenefs and mercy ! His love was not merely a fondnefs and zeal for a party, but an uni- verfal benevolence; very often exerci fed in the mofl.
fen fib le
3i8 Reflections tf/?^ Observations
fenfible and ardent love to his greateft oppofers and enemies. His love and meeknefs were riot a meer pretence, and outward profeffion and fhew ; but they were effedlual things, manifefted in expenfive and painful deeds of love and kindnefs ; and in a meek behaviour ; readily confcfling faults under the greateft trials, and humbling himfelf even at the feet of thofe from whom he fuppofed he had fuf- fercd moft ; and from time to time, very frequently praying for his enemies, abhorring the thoughts of bitternefs or refentment towards them. I fcarcely know where to look for any parallel inftance of felf denial, in thefe refped:s, in the prefent age. He was a perfon of great zeal ; but how did he ab- hor a bitter zeal, and lament it where he faw it ! And though he was once drawn into fome degrees of it, by the force of prevailing example, as it were in his childhood ; yet how did he go about with his heart bruifed and broken in pieces for it all his life after !
Of how foft and tender a fpirit was he ! How far were his experiences, hopes, and joys from a ten- dency finally to ftupify and harden him, to lefleii convictions and tendernefs of confcience, to caufe him to be Icfs afFe(5led with prefent and paft fins, and lefs confcientious with refpecS to future fins, more eafy in the negled: of duties that are trouble- fome and inconvenient, more flow and partial in complying with difficult commands, lefs apt to be alarmed at the appearance of his own defed:s and tranfgrefiions, more eafily induced to a compliance with carnal appetites ! On the contrary, how tender was his confcience ! How apt was his heart to fmite him ! How eafily and greatly was he alarmed at the appearance of moral evil ! How great and con- flant was his jealoufy over his own heart ! How ftridl his care and watchfulnefs againft fin ! How
deep
.i^-^^''''€
On the preceding Memoirs. 319
deep and fenfible were the wounds that fin made in his confcience ! Thofe evils that are generally ac- counted fmall, were almoft an infupportable burden to him ; iuch as his inward deficiencies, his having no more love to God, finding within himfelf any flacknefs or dulnefs in religion, any unAeadinefs, or wandering frame of mind, &c. How did the con- fideration of fiich things as thefe opprefs and abafe him, and fill him with inward fi.iame and confufion ! His love, and hope, though they were fuch as caft out a fervile fear of hell, yet they were fuch as were attended with, and abundantly cherifhed and promot- ed a reverential filial fear of God, a Jread of fin, and of God's holy difpleafure. His joy feemed truly to be a rejoicing with trembling. His aflurance and comfort differed greatly from a falfe enthufiaftick confidence and joy, in that it promoted and main- tained mourning for fin. Holy mourning, with him, was not only the work of an hour or a day, at his firfl converfion j but ibrrow for fin was like a wound conflantly running : He was a mourner for fin all his days. He did not, after he received comfort and full fatisfacftion of the forgivcnefs of all his fins, and the fafcty of his (late, forget his pafl fins, the fins of his youth, that were committed before his converfion ; but the remembrance of them, from time to time, revived in his heart, with renewed grief. That in Ezek. xvi. 63. was evidently ful- filled in him, That thou mayejl remember y and be con- founded^ and never open thy mouth any more^ bccaufe of thy Jhame ; when I am pacijied toward thee for all that thou hafi done. And how laftingly did the fins that he committed after his converfion, afFecft and break his heart ! If he did any thing whereby he thought he had in any refpeft difhonoured God, and wounded the intereft of religion, he had never done with calling it to mind with forrow and bitter-
ncfs ;
3^0 Reflections ^;2^ Observations
nefs j though he was affured that God had forgiven it, yet he never forgave himfelf : His pafl forrows and fears made no fatisfa6tion, with him ; but ftill the wound renews and bleeds afrefh, again and again. And his prefent fins, that he daily found in him- felf, were an occafion of daily fenlible and deep forrow of heart.
His religious afFe(5tions and joys were not like thofe of fome, who have rapture and mighty emotions from time to time in company ; but have very lit- tle affedlion in retirement and fecret places. Though he was of a very fociable temper, and loved the company of faints, and delighted very much in re- ligious converfation and in focial worfhip ; yet his warmed affections, and their greatefl effects on ani- mal nature, and his fwceteft joys, were in his clofet devotions, and folitarytranfacftions between God and his own foul ; as is very obfervable through his •whole courfe, from his converfion to his death. He deh'ghted greatly in facred retirements ; and loved to get quite away from all the world, to converfe with God alone, in fecret duties.
Mr. Brainerd*s experiences and comforts were very far from being like thofe of fome perfons, which are attended with a fpiritual fatiety, and put an end to their religious defires and longings, at leafl to the edge and ardency of them ; refling fatisfied in their own attainments and comforts, as having obtained their chief end, which is to extinguifli their fears of hell, and give them confidence of the favour of God. How far were his religious affedtions, refrefhments, and fatisfadlons, from fuch an operation and in- fluence as this ! On the contrary, how were they always attended with longings and thirflings after greater degrees of conformity to God ! And the greater and fwceter his comforts were, the more vehe- ment were his defires after holinefs. For it is to be
obferved.
On i^e preceding yiEhioiKSt I '*^. 3a t
obferved, that his longings were not f'o much after joyful difcoveries of God's love, and clear views of his title to future advancennent and eternal honours in heaven ; as after more of prefent holinefs, greater fpirituality, an heart more engaged for God, to love and exalt and depend on him, an ability better to ferve him, to do more for his glory, and to do all that he did with more of a regard to Chi ill: as his righteoufnefs and ilrength ; and after the enlarge- ment and advancement of Chrift's kingdom in the earth. And his delires were not idle williings and wouldings, but fuch as were powerful and effediuaU to animate him to the earneft", eager purfuit of thefe things, with utmoft diligence, and unfainting labour and Jelf denial. His comforts never put an end to his feeking after God, and ftriving to obtain his grace ; but on the contrary, greatly engaged .and en- larged him therein. •
His religion did not confifl only in experience, without pradiice. All his inward illuminations, aflPediions and comforts Teemed to have a dircd: ten^. dency to practice, and to ifTue in it ; and this, not merely a pradice negatively good, free from grofs acts of irreligion and immorality : But a practice pofitively holy and chriftian, in a ferious, devout, humble, meek, merciful, charitable, and beneficent converfation ,- making the fervice of God, and our Lord Jefus Chrift, the great bufinefs of life, which he was devoted to, and purfued with the greateft earnclinefs and diligence to the end of his days, through all trials. In him was to be feen the right way ot being lively in religion. His livelinefs in religion diti not con (ill merely or mainly in his be- ing lively with tiie tongue, but in deed ; not in be- ing forward in profefTion and outward fliew, and abundant in declaring his own experiences ; but chiefly in being adlive and abundant in the labours
W and ■
322 Reflections a//J Observations
and duties of religion ; not flothful in bufinefs, but fervent in fpirit, ferving the Lord, and ferving his generation, according to the will of God.
It cannot be pretended, that the reafon why he {o much abhorred and condemned the notions and ex- periences of thofe whofe firft faith confifls in be- lieving that Chrift is theirs, and that Chrifl: died for them ; without any previous experience of union of heart to him, for his excellency, as he is in him- felf, and not for his fuppofed love to them ; and who judge of their intereft in Chrifl, their juflifica- tion, and God's love to them, not by their fandli- fication and the exercifes and fruits of grace, but by a fuppofed immediate witnefs of the Spirit by in- ward fuggeflion; I fay, it cannot be pretended, that the reafon why he fo much detefted and condemned fuch opinions and experiences, was, that he was of a too legal fpirit ; either that he never was dead to the law, never experienced a thorough work of con- viction, was never fully brought off from his own righteoufnefs, and weaned from the old covenant, by a thorough legal humiliation ; or that afterwards, he had no great degree of evangelical humihation, not living in a deep fenfe of his own emptinefs, wretchednefs, poverty, and abfolute dependence on the mere grace of God through Chrift. For his convictions of fin, preceding his firft confolations in Chrift, were exceeding deep and thorough; his trou- ble and exercife of mind, by a fenfe of lin and mife- ry, very great and long continued ; and the light let into his mind at his converfion and in progreflive fandtification, appears to have had its genuine hum- bling influence upon him, to have kept him low in his own eyes, not confiding in himfelf, but in Chrift, living by the faith of the Son of Gody and looking for the vicrcy of the Lord ^efus to eternal life.
Nor
On the preceding Memoirs. 323
Nor can it be pretended, that the reafon why be condemned thofe, and other things, which this fort of people call the very height ofvital religion, and the power of godlinefs, was, that he was a dead chriftlan, and lived in the dark (as they exprcfs themfelves) that his experiences, though they might be true, were not great ; that he did not live near to God, had but a fmall acquaintance with him, and had but a dim fight of fpiritual things. If any, af- ter they have read the preceding account of Mr. Brainerd's life, will venture to pretend thus, they will only fhew that they themfelves are in the dark, and do indeed put darknefs for light, and light for darknefs.
II. The foregoing account of Mr. Brainerd's life may afford matter of convidtion, that there is indeed fuch a thing as true experimental religion, arifing from immediate divine influences, fupernaturally en-* lightening and convincing the mind, and powerfully impreffing, quickening, fandifying, and governing the heart ; which religion is indeed an amiable thing, of happy tendency, and of no hurtful confe- quence to human fociety ; notwithltanding there having been fo many pretences and appearances of what is called experimental vital religion, that have proved to be nothing but vain, pernicious en- thufiafm.
If any infift, that Mr. Brainerd*s religion \V^s en* thufiafm, and nothing but a ftrange heat, and blind, fervour of mind, arifing from the ftrong fancies and dreams of a notional whimfical brain ; I would a{k, i{ it be fo, that fuch things as thefe are the fruits of enthufiafm, viz. a great degree of honefty and fitti- plicity, fincere and earncft defires and endeavours to know and do whatever is right, and to avoid every thing that is wrong ; an high degree of loVe to Ga^t delight in the perfe(Stions of his naturc> placing the
W % happinefs
324 Reflections <^W Observations
happinefs of life in him ; not only in contemplating him, but in being adivein pleafingand ferving him ; a firm and undoubting belief in the Meffiah, as the faviour of the world, the great prophet of God, and king of God's church ; together with great love to him, delight and complacence in the way of falva- tion by him, and longing for the enlargement of his kingdom ; earnefl: defires that God may be glorified, and the Meffiah *s kingdom advanced, whatever in- flruments are made ufe of ; uncommon refignation to the will of God, and that under vaft trials j great and univerfal benevolence to mankind, reaching all forts of perfons without diftindiion, manifefted in fweetnels of fpeech and behaviour, kind treatment, mercy, liberality, and earneft feeking the good of the ibuls and bodies of men; attended with extraor- dinary humility, meeknefs, forgivenefs of injuries, and love to enemies ; and a great abhorrence of a contrary fpirit and prad:ice j not only as appearing in others, but whereinfoever it had appeared in him- fcU ; cauling the moll bitter repentance, and bro- kennefs of heart on account of any part inftances of fuch a condu6t : A modefl, difcreet and decent de- portment, arnong fuperiours, inferiours and equals; a moil diligent improvement of time, and earneft care to lofe no part of it ; great watchfulnefs againfl all forts of fin, of heart, ipccch and action : And this example and thefe endeavours attended with moft happy fruits, and blelled efiecls on others, in humanizing, civilizing, and wonderfully reforming and transforming fomc of the moll brutifli favages ; idle, immoral, drunkards, murderers, grofs idola- ters, and wizards ; bringing them to permanent fo- briety, diligence, devotion, honelly, confcientiouf- nefs, and charity : And the foregoing amiable vir- tues and fuccefsful labours all ending at laft in a marvellous peace, unmovable ftability, calmnefs, and
refignation,
On tbe preceding Memoirs. 3^5
refignation, in the fenfible approaches of death ; with longing for the heavenly ftate ; not only for the hon- ours and circumftantial advantages of it, but above all for the moral perfed:ions, and holy and bleffed employments of it : And thefe things in a perlbn indifputably of a good underftanding and judgment : I fay, if all thefe things are the fruits of enthufiafm, why (hould not enthufiafm. be thought a defirable and excellent thing ? For what can true religion, what can the beft philofophy do more ? If vapours and whimfey will bring men to the mod thorough virtue, to the moft benign and fruitful morality ; and will maintain it through a courfe of life, attend- ed with many trials, without affedation or felf ex- altation, and with an earnefl: conftant bearing tefti- mony againft the wildnefs, the extravagances, the bitter zeal, afluming behaviour, and feparating fpirit of enthufiafts ; and will do all this more ef- fectually, than any thing elfe has ever done in any plain known inftance that can be produced ; if it be lb, 1 fay, what caufe then has the world to prize and pray for this blelTed whimiicalnefs, and thele benign fort of vapours I
in. The preceding hiftory fervcs to confirm thofe doctrines ufually called the doctrines of grace. For if it be allowed that there is truth, fubdance, or value in the main of Mr. Brainerd's religion, it will undoubtedly follow, that thofe doctrines are divine: Since it is evident, that the whole of it, from begin- ning to end, is according to that fcheme of things ; all built on thofe apprehenfions, notions, and views, that are produced and eftablilhed in the mind by thole doctrines. He was brought by doclrines of this kind to his awakening, and deep concern about things of a fpiritual and eternal nature j and by thefe doctrines his convictions were maintained and car- ried on J and his converfion was evidently altogether
W 3 agreeable
1^6 Reflections ^;?i Observations
agreeable to this fcheme, but by no means agreeing with the contrary ; and utterly inconiiftent with the Arminian notion of converfion or repentance. His converfion was plainly founded in a clear ftrongcon- vidion, and undoubting perfuafion of the truth of thofe things appertaining to thefe do6lrines, which Arminians moft objed againft, and which his own mind had contended moft about. And his conver- fion was no confirming and perfecSling of moral principles and habits, by ufe and pra<^ice, and his <own labour in an induftrious difciplining himfelf, together with the concurring fuggeftions and conlpir- ing aids of God's Spirit : But entirely a fupernatural work, at once turning him from darknefs to marvel- lous light, and from the powerof fin to the dominion of divine and holy principles ; an effed:, in no re- gard produced by his ftrength or labour, or obtain- ed by his virtue ; and not accomplilhed until he was firft brought to a full convidlion that all his own virtue, ftrength, labours and endeavours could nev- er avail any thing to the producing or procuring this effedt.
A very little while before, his mind was full of the fame cavils againft the dodlrines of God's fov- ereign grace, which are made by Arminians ; and his heart full even of a raging oppofition to them. And God was pleafed to perform this good work in him juft after a full end had been put to this cavil- hng and oppofition j after he was entirely convinced, that he was dead in fin, and was in the hands of God, as the abfoluteiy fovereign, unobliged, fole difpofer and author of true holinefs. God's fliew- ing him mercy at fuch a time, is a confirmation, that this was a preparation for mercy j and confe- quently, that thefe things which he was convinced pf, were true : While he oppofcd thefe things, he was the- fubjecfl of no fuch mercy ; though he fo
parneftly
On the preceding Memoirs. 327
earneftly fought it, and prayed for it with fo much painfulnefs, care and ftric^nefs in religion : But when once his oppofition is fully fubdued , and he is brought to fubmit to the truths, which he before had oppof- ed, with full convidion, then the mercy he fought for is granted, with abundant light, great evidence, and exceeding joy, and he reaps the fweet fruits of it all his life after, and in the valley of the Jhadow of death.
In his converfion, he was brought to fee the glory of that way of fidvation by Chrift, that is taught in what are called the dod:rines of grace ; and thence- forward, with unfpeakable joy and complacence, to embrace and acquiefce in that way of falvation. He was in his converfion, in all refpedts, brought to thofe views, and that fiate of mind, which thefe dodrines fhew to be neceffary. And if his converfion was any real converfion, or any thing befides a mere whim, and if the religion of his life was any thingelfebutaferies of freaks of a whimfical mind, then this one grand principle, on which depends the wiiole difference between Calvinifls and Arminians,is undeniable, viz. that the grace or virtue of truly good men, not only differs from the virtue of others in degree, but even in nature and kind. If ever Mr. Brainerd was truly turned from fin to God at all, or ever became truly religious, none can reafbnably doubt but that his converfion was at the time when he fuppofed it to be. The change he then experienced, was evident- ly the greateft moral change that ever he pafTed un- der ; and he was then apparently firfl brought to that kind of religion, that remarkable new habit a^id temper of mind, which he held all his life after. The narration thews it to be different, in nature and kind, from all that ever he was the fubjeft of before. It was evidently wrouglit at once, without fitting and preparing his mind, by gradually convincing
W 4 it
Reflections ^;7^ Observations
it more and more of the fame truths, and bringing it nearer and nearer to fuch a temper : For it was foon after his mind had been remarkably full of blafphemy, and a vehement exercife of fenfible en- mity againfl God, and great oppofition to thofe truths, which he was now brought with his whole foul to embrace, and reft: in, as divine and glorious, and to place his happinefs in the contemplation and improvement of. And he himfelf (who was furely beft able to judge) declares, that the difpofitions and afFedlions, which were then given him, and thenceforward maintained in him, were mofi: fenfibly and certainly, perfedlly different, in their nature, from all that ever he was the fubjedt of before, or that he ever had any conception of. This he ever ftood to and was peremptory in (as what he certainly knew) even to his death. He mufl: be looked upon as ca- pable of judging ; he had opportunity to know : He had pradtifed a great deal of religion before, was exceeding ftridt and confcientious, and had continu- ed fo for a long time ; had various religious affec- tions, with which he often flattered himfelf, and feme- times pleafed himfelf as being now in a good eftate. And after hehad thofe new experiences, that began in his converfion, they were continued to the end of his life J long enough for him ilioroughly toobferve their nature, and compare them with what had been before. Doubtlefs he was co?7ipos mentis ; and was at lea ft one of fo good an underftanding and judgment, as to be pretty well capable of difcerning and compar- ing the things that paffed in his own mind.
It is further obfervable, that his religion all along operated in fuch a manner as tended to confirm his mind in the dodlrinesof God*s abfolute lovereignty, man's univerfal and entire dependence on God's power and grace, &c. The more his religion pre- vailed in his heart, and the fuller he was of divine
love,
On the preceding Memoirs. 329
love, and of clear and delightful views of fpiritual things, and the more his heart was engaged in God's fervice ; the more fenfible he was of the certainty and the excellency and importance of thefe truths, and the more he was afiedted Vv'ith them, and rejoic- ed in them. And he declares particularly, that when he lay for a long while on the verge of the eternal world, often expedting to be in that world in a few minutes, yet at the fame time enjoying great fcreni- ty of mind, and clearnefs of thought, and being mofl apparently in a peculiar manner at a diftance from an enthufiaftical frame, he at that time faw clearly the truth of thofe great dotlrines of the gofpel, which are juftly ftiled the docftrines of grace, and never felt himlelf fo capable of demonftrating the truth of them.
So that it is very evident, Mr. Brainerd*s religion was wholly correfpondent to what is called the Cal- viniftical fcheme, and was the efFed of thofe doc- trines applied to his heart : And certainly it cannot be denied, that the effed: was good, unlefs we turn Atheifts, or Deifts. I would afk, whether there be any fuch thing in reality, as chriftian devotion ? If there be, What is it ? What is its nature ? And what its juft meafure ? Should it not be in a great degree ? We read abundantly in fcripture — of loving God with all the heart, with all the foul, with all the mind, and with all the ftrength, of delighting in God, of rejoicing in the Lord, rejoicing with joy unfpeakable and full of glory, the foul's magnifying the Lord, thirfting for God, hungering and thirfting after righteoufnefs, the foul's breaking for the long- ing it hath to God's judgments, praying to God with groanings that cannot be uttered, mourning tor /in with a broken heart and contrite fpirit, &c. How full is the book of Pfalms, and other parts of fcrip- ture, of fvich things as theie ! Now wherein do thefe
things,
330 Reflections ^«i Observations
things, as exprefled by, and appearing in Mr. Brai- nerd, either the things themfelves, or their effedls and fruits, differ from the fcripture reprefentations ? Thefe things he was brought to by that flrange and wonderful transformation of the man, which he call- ed his converfion. And does not this well agree with what is fo often faid, in Old Teftament and New, concerning the giving of a new heart, creating a right fpirit, a being renewed in the fpirit of the mind, a being fand:ified throughout, becoming a new creature, &c ? Now where is there to be found an Arminian converfion or repentance, confiding in fo great and admirable a change ? Can the Armin- ians produce an inflance, within this age, and fo plainly within our reach and view, of fuch a ref- ormation, fuch a transformation of a man, to fcirp- tural devotion, heavenly mindednefs, and true chrif- tian morality, in one that before lived without thefe things, on the foot of their principles, and through the influence of their dodrines ?
And here is worthy to be confidered, not only the eflre<ft of Calviniflical doctrines, as they are called, on Mr. Brainerd himfelf, but alfo the effedl of the fame dodtrines, as taught and inculcated by him, on others. It is abundantly pretended and afTerted of late, that thefe dodtrines tend to undermine the very foundations of all religion and morality, and to ener- vate and vacate all reafonable motives to the exer- cife and practice of them, and lay invincible tum- bling blocks before infidels, to hinder their embrac- ing chriflianity ; and that the contrary dodtrines are the fruitful principles of virtue and goodnefs, fet religion on its right bafis, rcprefent it in an ami- able light, give its motives their full force, and re- commend it to thereafon and common fenfe of man- kind. But where can they find an inflance of fo great and fignal an effe(5t of their dodlrincs, in bring- ing
On the preceding Memoirs. 331
ing infidels, who were at fuch a diftance from all that is civil, human, fober, rational, and chriftian, and fo full of , inveterate prejudices againft thefe things, to fuch a degree of humanity, civility, exer- cife of reafon, felf denial, and chriftian virtue ? Ar- minians place religion in morality : Let them bring an inftance of their do(5lrines producing fuch a tranf- formation of a people in point of moralit)'-. It is ftrange, if the allvvife God fo orders things in his providence, that reafonable and proper means, and his own means, which he himfelf has appointed, lliould in no known remarkable inftance be inftru- mental to produce fo good an efFe(5t ; an efFe(5t fo agreeable to his own word and mind, and that very effedt for which he appointed thefe excellent means ; that they Ihould not be fo fuccefsful as thofe means which are not his own, but very contrary to them, and of a contrary tendency ; means that are in them- felves very abfurd, and tend to root all religion and virtue out of the world, to promote and eftablifti in- fidelity, and to lay an infuperable ftumbling block before pagans, to hinder their embracing the gofpei ; I fay, if this be the true ftate of the cafe, it is cer- tainly pretty wonderful, and an event worthy of fome attention.
I know, that many will be ready to fay, it is too foon yet to glory in the work, that has been wrought among Mr. Brainerd*s Indians j it is beft to wait and fee the final event j it may be, all will come to nothing by and by : To which I anfvvcr, not toinfift that it will not follow, according to Arminian prin- ciples, they are not now true chriftians, really pious and godly, though they ftiould fall away and come to nothing, that I never fuppofed, every oneof thofe Indians, who in profeflion renounced their heathcn- ifm and vifibly embraced chriftianity, and have had fome appearances of piety, will finally prove true
converts :
2;^2 Reflections ^//^Observations
converts : If two thirds, or indeed one half of them, as great a proportion as there is in the parable of the ten virgins, fhould perfevere ; it will be fufficient to fhew the work wrought among them, to have been truly admirable and glorious. But fo much of per- manence of their religion has already appeared, as fhews it to be fomething elfe befides an Indian hu- mour or good mood, or any tranfient efFccft in the conceits, notions, and affections of thefe ignorant people, excited at a particular turn, by artful man- agement. For it is now more than three years ago, that this work began among them, and a remarkable change appeared in many of them ; iince which time the number of vifible converts has greatly in- creafed ; And by repeated accounts, from feveral hands, they ftill generally perfevere in diligent religion and ftrid: virtue. I think worthy to be here inlerted, a letter from a young gentleman, a candidate for the miniftry, one of thofe appointed by the hon- ourable Commillioners in Bofton, as Milficnaries to the heathen of the Six Nations, fo called ; who, by their order, dwelt with Mr. John Brai- nerd, among thefe chriflian Indians, in order to their being prepared for the bufinefs of their mif- fion. The letter was written from thence to his pa- rents herein Northampton, and is as follows.
Bethel, in Neiv-yer/ej, Jzn\ia.Ty 14, 1747,8.
Honoured and dear Parents, AFTER a long and uncomfortable journey, by reafon of bad weather, I arrived at Mr. Brainerd's the fixth of this inftant ; where I dcfign to rtay this winter : And as yet, upon many accounts, am well fatisfied with my coming hither. The flate and circumilances of the Indians, fpiritual and tem- poral, much exceed what I exped:ed. I liave en- deavoured to acquaint myfelf with the Hate ot the
Indians
On the preceding Memoirs. 333
Indians in general, with particular perfons, and with the fchool, as much as the fliort time I have been here would admit of. And notwithftanding my ex- pecftations were very much raifed, from Mr. David Brainerd's Journal, and from particular informations from him ; yet I muft confefs, that in many re- fpccls, they werenot equal to that which now appears t6 me to be true, concerning the glorious work of divine grace amongfl: the Indians.
The evening after I came to town, I had oppor- tunity to fee the Indians together, whilfl: the Rev* Mr. Arthur preached to them : At which time there appeared a very general and uncommon feri- ouihefs and folemnit)'- in the congregation : And this appeared to me to be the effedl of an inward fenfe of the importance of divine truths, and not be- caui'e they were hearing a ftranger : Which was abundantly confirmed to me the next Sabbath, when there was the fame devout attendance on divine fer- vice, and a furprifing folemnity appearing in the performance of each part of divine worlliip. And fome, who are hopefully true chriftians, appear to have been at that time much enlivened and comfort- ed ; not from any obfervable commotions then, but from converfation afterwards : And others feemed to be under preiling concern for their fouls. I have endeavoured to acquaint myielf with particular per- fons ; many of whom feem to be very humble and growing chriftians ; although fome of them, as I am informed, were before their con verfion moft mon- ftroully wicked.
Religious converfation feems to be very pleaiing and delightful to many, and efpecially that which relates to the exercifes of the heart. And many here do not feem to be real chriftians only, but growing chriftians alfo ; as well in doctrinal, as experiment- al knowledge. Bciides my converfLition with par- ticular
334 Reflections ^W Observations
ticular perfons, I have had opportunity to attend up- on one of Mr. Braincrd's catechetical led:ures ; where I was furprifed at their readinefs in anfwering queftions which they had not been ufed to ; al- though Mr. Brainerd complained much of their un- common deficiency. It is furprifing, to fee this people, who, not long (ince were led captive by Sa- tan at his will, and living in the practice of all man- ner of abominations, without the leaft fenfe even of moral honefty, yet now living foberly and regular- ly, and not feeking every man his own, but every man, in fome fenfe, his neighbour's good ; and to fee thofe, who but a little while pad, knew nothing of the true God, now worfhipping him in a folemn and devout manner j not only in publick, but in their families and in fecret ; which is manifeflly the cafe ; it being a difficult thing to walk out in the woods in the morning, without difturbing perfons at their fecret devotion. And it feems wonderful » that this fhouldbe the cafe, not only with adult per- fons, but with children alfo. It is obfervable here, that many children, if not the children in general, retire into fecret places to pray. And as far as at prefent I can judge, this is not the efFed: of cuflom and fafliion, but of real ferioufnefs and thoughtful- nefs about their fouls.
I have frequently gone into the fchool, and have fpent confiderable time there amongft the children ; and have been furprifed to fee, not only their diligent attendance upon the bufinefs of the fchool, but alfo the proficiency they have made in it, in reading and writing, and in their catechifms of divers forts. It feems to be as pleafing and as natural to thefe chil- dren to have their books in their hands, as it does for many others to be at play. I have gone into an houfe where there has been a number of children accidentally gathered together ; and obferved, that
every
On the preceding Memoirs. 335
every one had his book in his hand, and was dili- gently ftudying of it. There is to the number of about thirty of thefe children, who can anfwer to all the qucftions in the affembly's catechifm ; and the bigger part of them are able to do it with the proofs to the fourth commandment. I wifli there were many fuch fchools : I confefs, that I never was ac- quainted with fuch an one, in many refpedls. Q that what God has done here, may prove to be the beginning of a far more glorious and extenfive work of grace among the heathen.
I am your obedient and dutiful fon,
JOB STRONG.
p. S. Since the date of this, I have had opportuni- ty to attend upon another of Mr. Brainerd*s cate- chetical le(ftures ; and truly I was convinced, that Mr. Braincrd did not complain before of his peo- ple's defeCls in anfwering to queftions propofed, without reafon : For although their anfwers at that time exceeded my expe<5tations very much ; yet their performances at this lecture very much exceed- ed them.
IV. Is there not much in the preceding Memoirs of Mr. Brainerd to teach, and excite to duty, us who are called to the work of the miniflry, and all that are candidates for that great work .? What a deep fenfe did he feem to have of the greatnefs and importance of that work, and with what weight did it lie on his mind ! How fen/ible was he of his own infufficiency for this work ; and how great was his dependence on God's fufficiency ! How felicitous, that he might be fitted for it ! And to this end, how much time did he fpcnd in prayer and failing, as well as reading and meditation ; giving himfelf to thefe things ! How did he dedicate his whole life, all his powers and talents to God ; and forfake and
renounce
336 Refeections 5«i Observations
renounce the world, with all its pleafing and enfnar- ing enjoyments, that he might be wholly at liberty, to fcrve Chriil in this work ; and to pleafe him who had chofenhim to be a foldier, under the Captaifi of ourfahation ! With what folicitude, folemnify, and dihgence did he devote himfelf to God our Saviour, and feek his prefcnce and bleffing in fecret, at the time of his ordination ! And how did his whole heart appear to be conftantly engaged, his whole time employed, and his whole ftrength fpent in the bufinefs he then Iblemnly undertook, and was pub- lickly fet apart to ! And his hiftory (hews us the right way to fuccefs in the work of the miniftry. He fought it, as a refolute foldier feeks victory, in a fiege or battle ; or as a man that runs a race, for a great prize. Animated with love to Chrift and fouls, how did he labour always fervently, not only in word and dodrinc, in publick and private, but in prayers day and night, wreftling with God in fe- cret, and travailing in birth, with unutterable groans and agonies, until Chrift were formed in the hearts of the people to whom he was fent ! How did he thirft for a blefting on his miniftry ; and watch for fouls ^ as one that viufl give account ! How did he go forth in theflrength of the Lord God ; feeking and depending on a fpecial influence of the Spirit to af- fift and fucceed him ! And what was the happy fruit at laft, though after long waiting, and many dark and difcouraging appearances ! Like a true fon of Jacob, he pcrfevered in wreftling, through all thedarknefsofthe night, until thebreakingof the day. And his example of labouring, praying, denying himfelf, and enduring hardncfs, with unfainting refolution and patience, and his faithful, vigilant, and prudent condudt in many other refpeds, which it would be too long now particularly to recite, may afford inftru<^ion to miflionaries in particular.
V.
On the preceding Memoirs. 337
V. The foregoing account of Mr. Brainerd's life may afford inftruiSlion to chriftians in general -, as it Ihews, in many refpe<5ls, the right way of pradlifing religion, in order to obtain the ends of it, and receive the benefits of it j or how chriftians fhould run the race Jet before ihem^ if they would not run in vain, or run as uncertainly, but would honouf God in the world, adorn their profeffion, be fervice- able to mankind, have the comforts of religion while they hve, be free from difqujeting doubts and dark apprehenfions about the ftate of their fouls ; enjoy peace in the approaches of death, ^nd Jinijh their courfe with joy. In general, he much recommend- ed, for this purpofe, the redemption of time, great diligence in the bufinefs of the chriftian life, watch- fulnefs, 6cc. And he very remarkably exemplified thefe things.
But particularly, his example and fuccefs with re- gard to one duty in fpecial, may be of great ufe to both minifters and private chriftians ; I mean the duty of fecret fafting. The reader has feen, how much Mr. Brainerd recommends this duty, and how frequently he exercifcd himfelf in it ; nor can it well have efcaped obfervation, how much he was owned and blefled in it, and of what great benefit it evidently was to his foul. Among all the many days he fpent in fccrct fafting and prayer, that he gives an account of in his Diary, there is fcarce an inftance of one, but what was either attended or foon followed with apparent fuccefs, and a remarkable bleffing, in fpecial incomes and confolationsof God*s Spirit ; and very often, before the day was ended-; But it niuft be obferved, that when he fet about this duty, he did it in good earneft ; ftirring up himfelf to take hold of God, and continuing in flan i in prayer i with much of the fpirit of Jacob, who faid to the angel, / zvil! not let thee go, except thou blefs me.
X Vi.Thm
338 Reflections ^W Observations
Vr. There is much in the preceding account to excite and encourage God*s people to earneft prayers and endeavours for the advancement and enlarge- ment of the kingdom of Chrift in the world. Mr. Brainerd fat us an excellent example in this refped:. He fought the profperity of Zion with all his might. He preferred Jerufalem above his chief joy. How did his foul long for it, and pant after it ! And how earneftly and often did he wreftle with God for it ! And how far did he, in thefe defires and prayers, feem to be carried beyond all private and felfifh views ! Being animated by a pure love to Chrift, an earneft defire of his glory, and a difinterefted affec- tion to the fouls of mankind.
As there is much in Mr. Brainerd *s life to encour- age chriftians to feek the advancement of Chrift's kingdom, in general ; fo there is, in particular, to pray for the converfion of the Indians on this conti- nent, and to exert themfelves in the ufe of proper means for its accomplifliment. For it appears, that he in his unutterable longings and wreftlings of foul for the flouriftiing of religion, had his mind peculi- arly intent on the converfion and falvation of thefe people, and his heart more efpecially engaged in prayer for them. And if we confider the degree and manner in which he, from time to time, fought and hoped for an extenfive work of grace among them, I think we have reafon to hope, that the wonderful things, which God wrought among them by him, are but a forerunner of fomething yet much more glorious and extenfive of that kind ; and this may juftly be an encouragement, to well difpofed char- itable perfons, to honour the Lord with their fubjlance^ by contributing, as they are able, to promote the fpreading of the gofpel among them ; and this alfo may incite and encourage gentlemen who are incor- porated, and intrufted with the care and difpofal of
thofe
On the preceding Memoirs. 339
ihofe liberal benefad:ions, which have already been made by pious perfons, to that end ; and likewife the miffionaries themfelves, that are or niay be em- ployed ; and it may be of difecflion unto both, as to the proper qualifications of miffionaries, and the proper meafures to be taken in order to their fuccefs. One thing in particular, I would take occafion from the foregoing hiftory to mention and propofe to the confideration of fuch as have the care of pro- viding and fending miffionaries among favages ; viz. Whether it would not ordinarily be beft to fend two together ? It is pretty manifefl, that Mr. Brai- rierd*s going, as he did, alone into the howling wil- dernefs, was one great occafion of fuch a prevailing of melancholy on his mind ; which was his greateft difad vantage. He was much in fpeaking of it him- felf, when he was here in his dying ftate ; and ex- prefTed himfelf, to this purpofe, that none could con- ceive of the difadvantage a miffionary in fuch cir- cumftances was under, by being alone ; efpecially as it expofed him to difcouragement and melancho- ly : And fpoke of the wifdom of Chrift in fending^ forth his difciples by two and two j and left it as his dying advice to his brother, never to go to Suf- quehannah, to travel about in that remote wilder-* nefs, to preach to the Indians there, as he had ofteii done, without the company of a fellow miffionary. VII. One thing more may not be unprofitably ob- ferved in the preceding account of Mr. Brairlerd 3 and that is the fpeciai and remarkable difpofai of Di-^ vixie Providence, with regard to the circum.ibnces of his lafl: ficknefs and death.
Though he had been long infirm, his cOnftitution being much broken by his fatigues and hardfiiips ; and though he was often brought very low by illnefs, before he left Kaunaumeek, and alfo while he lived at the Forks of Delaware \ yet his life was preferved X % until
340 Reflections ^«^ Observations
until he had feen that which he had fo long and greatly defired and fought, a glorious work of grace among the Indians, and had received the wiihed for bleffing of God on his labours. Though as it were in deaths oft, yet he lived to behold the happy fruits of the long continued travail of his foul and labour of his body, in the wonderful converfion of many of the heathen, and the happy effba: of it in the great change of their converfation, with many circumftan- ces which afforded a fair profpe(5l of the continuance of God*s bleffing upon them : Thus he did not de- part, until his eyes had feen God^s fahation.
Though in that winter that he lay iick at Mr. Dickinfon's in Elizabeth-Town, he continued for a long time in an extremely low ftate, fo that his life was almoft defpaired of, and his ftate was fome- times fuch that it was hardly expected he would live a day to an end ; yet his life was fpared a while longer j he lived to fee his brother arrived in New- Jerfey, being come to fucceed him in the care of his Indians; and he himfelf had opportunity toaffiftin his examination and introduction into his bufinefs ; and to commit the condud: of his dear people to one whom he well knew, and could put confidence in, and life freedom within giving him particular inftrudtions and charges, and under whofe care he could leave his congregation with great cheerfulnefs.
The providence of God was remarkable in fo or- dering of it, that before his death he fliould take a journey into New-England, and go to Bofton : Which was, in many refpe<Sl:s, of very great and happy confequence to the intereft of religion, and efpecially among his own people. By this means, as has been obferved, he was brought into acquaint- ance with many perfons of not^ and influence, min- ifters and others, belonging both to the town and va- rious parts of the country ; and had opportunity,
under
On the preceding Memoirs. 341
under the beft advantages, to bear a teftimony for God and true religion, and againfl thofe falfe appear- ances of it that have proved moft pernicious to the interefts of Chrift*s kingdom in the land. And the providence of God is particularly obfervable in this circumftance of the teftimony he there bore for true religion, viz. That he there was brought fo near the grave, and continued for {0 long a time on the very brink of eternity ; and from time to time look- ed on himfelf, and was looked on by others, as jult leaving the world ; and that in thefe circumftances he (hould be fo particularly diretled and affifled in his thoughts and views of religion, todiftinguifii be^ tween the true and the falfe, with fuch clearnefs and evidence ; and that after this he fliould be unexpect- edly and furprifingly reftored and ftrengthened, lb far as to be able to converfe freely ; and have fuch opportunity, and fpecial occafions to declare thefen- timents he had in thefe, which were, to human ap- prehenfion, his dying circumftances ; and to bear his teftimony concerning the naturfe of true religion, and concerning the mifchievous tendency of its moft prevalent counterfeits and falfe appearances ; as things he had a fpecial, clear, diftindt view of at that time, when he expedled in a few minutes to be \\\ eterni- ty j and the certainty and importance of which were then, in a peculiar manner, impreftcd on his mind.
Among the happy confequences of his going Xo Bofton, were thofe liberal benefa(5lions that have been mentioned, which were made by pious difpoi- ed perfons, for the maintaining and promoting the: intereft of religion among his i)eople : And alio the meeting of a number of gentlemen in Bofton, of note and ability, to confult upon meafures for that purpofe j who were excited, by their acquaintance and tonverfation with Mr. Brainerd, and by the ac-
X 3 count
34a Reflections ^;;^ Observations
count of the great things God had wrought by his miniftry, to unite themfelves, that by their joint en- deavcftirs and contributions they might promote the kingdom of Chrift, and the fpiritual good of their fellow creatures, among the Indians in New-Jerfey, and elfewhere.
The providence of God was obfervable in his go- ing to Bofton at a time when not only the honoura- ble Commiflioners were feeking miffionaries to the Six Nations ; but juft after his Journal, which gives an account of his labours and fuccefs among the In- dians, had been received and fpread in Bofton : Whereby his name was known, and the minds of ferious people were well prepared to receive his per- fon, and the teftimony he there gave for God ; to exert themfelves for the upholding and promoting the intereft of religion in his congregation, and amongft the Indians elfewhere ; and to regard his judgment concerning the qualifications of miiliona- ries, &c. If he had gone there the fall before, when he had intended to have made his journey intoNew- Engjand,but was prevented by afuddengreat increafe of his illnefs, it would not have been likely to have been in any meafure to fogood efFe(5l: : And alio if he had not been unexpectedly detained in Bofton : For -when he went from my houfe, he intended to make but a very fhort ftay there : But Divine Providence, by his being brought fo low there, detained him long ; thereby to make way for the fulfilling its. ovyn gracious defigns.
The providence of God was remarkable in {o or- dering, that although he was brought fo very near the grave in Bofton, that it was not in the leaft expe(5led he would ever come alive out of his chamber ; yet he wonderfully revived, and was preferved fcveral months longer : So that he had opportunity to fee, and fully to converfe with both his younger breth«?
rcn
On the preceding Memoirs. 343
ren before he died ; which was a thing he greatly defired ; and efpecially to fee his brother John, with whom was left the care of his congregation; that he might by him be fully informed of their flate, and might leave with him fuch inftrudtions and di- redlions as were requifite in order to their fpiritual welfare, and to fend to them his dying charges and counfels. And he had alfo an opportunity, by means of this fufpenfion of his death, to find and recommend a couple of perfons fit to be employed as miffionaries to the Six Nations, as had been de- fired of him.
Although it was the pleafure of a fovereign God, that he fhould be taken away from his congregation, the people that he had begotten through the gofpel, who were fo dear to him ; yet it was granted to him, that before he died he fliould fee them well provided for, every way : He faw them provided for with one to inftruft them, and take care of their fouls ; his own brother, whom he could confide in : He faw a good foundation laid for the fupport of the fthool among them ; thofe things that before were wanting in order to it, being lupplied : And he had the profpedl of a charitable fociety being cf- tabliflied, of able and well difpofed perfons, who ieem to make the fpiritual interefl: of his congrega- tion their own i whereby he had a comfortable view of their being well provided for, for the future : And he had alfo opportunity toleave all his dying charges with his fuccelfor in the paftoral care of his people, and by him to fend his dying counfels to them, Thus God granted him to fee all things happilv fettled, or in a hopeful way of being fo, before his death, with refpeift to his dear people. And where- as not only his own congregation, but the fouls *m the Indians in North-America in general, were very dear to him, and he had greatly fet his heart on X 4 the
M
544 Reflections tf;7^0BSERvATiONs
the propagating and extending the kingdom of Chrill: among them j God was pleafed to grant to him, however it was his will that he fliouldbe tak- en away, and fo fliould not be the immediate inftru- ment of their inftrudlion and converfion, yet that before his death, he fhould fee unexpected extraor- dinary provifion made for this alio. And it is re- markable, that God not only allowed him to fee fuch provifion made for the maintaining the intereft of religion among his own people, and the propagation of it elfewhere ; but honoured him by making him the means or occafion of it. So that it is very prob- able, however Mr. Brainerd, during the laft four months of his life, was ordinarily in an extremely weak and low ftate, very often fcarcely able to fpeak ; yet that he was made the inftrument or means of much more good in that fpace of time, than he would have been if he had been well, and in full ftrength of body. Thus God's power was manifeft- ed in his weaknefs, and the life of Chrift was mani- fefted in his mortal flefh.
Another thing wherein appears the mercifiitdif- pofal of Providence with refpc(5l to his death, was, that he did not die in the wildernefs, among the fav- ages, at Kaunaumeek, or the Forks of Delaware, or at Sufquehannah ; but in a place where his dying be- haviour and I'peeches might be obferved and remem- bered, and fbme account given of them for the ben- efit of furvivors ; and alfo where care might be tak- en of him in his ficknefs, and proper honours done him at his death.
The providence of God is alfo worthy of remark, in fo overruling and ordering the matter, that he did not finally leave abfolute orders for the entire fup- prefliing of his private papers j as he had intended and fully refolved, infomuch that all the importunT^ ty of his friends could fcarce reftrain him from do^
On the preceding Memoirs. 34^
ing it, when fick at Bofton. And one thing relat- ing to this is peculiarly remarkable, viz. that his brother, a httle before his death, fliould come from the Jerfeys unexped:ed, and bring his Diary to him, though he had received no fuch order. So that he had opportunity of accefs to thefe his referved pa- pers, and for reviewing the fame; without which, it appears, he would at laft have ordered them to be wholly fupprefled : But after this, he the more read- ily yielded to the defires of his friends, and was wil- ling to leave them in their hands, to be difpofed of as they thought might be moft for God*s glory ; By which means, he being dead^ yet fpeakethy in thefe Memoirs of his life, taken from thofe private writ- ings : Whereby it is to be hoped he may flill be as it were the inftrument of much promoting the inter- eft of religion in this world ; the advancement of which he fo much defired, and hoped would be ac- complilhed after his death.
If thefe circumftances of Mr. Brainerd's death be duly- confidered, I doubt not but they will be ac- knowledged as a notable inftance of God*s fatherly care, and covenant faithfulnefs towards them that are devoted to him, and faithfully ferve him while they live ; wherehy he never fails nor forfakes them, but is with them living and dying ; fo that whether they live^ they live. Jo the Lvrd ; or whether they die^ they die to the Lord ; and both in life and death they are owned and taken care of as his. Mr. Brainerd himfelf, as was before obferved, was much in tak- ing notice, when near his end, of the merciful cir- cumftances of his death j and fiiid, from time to time, that God had granted him all his defire.
And I would not conclude my obfervations on the merciful circumftances of Mr. Brainerd's death, with- out acknowledging with thankfulnefs, the gracious difpenfation of Providence to mc and my family, ia
fo
s
546 Reflections ^;7^ Observations.
fo ordering, that he (though the ordinary place of his abode was more than two hundred miles diftant) Ihould be call hither, to my houfe, in his laft fick- nefs, and fliould die here : So that we had oppor- tunity for much acquaintance and converfation with him, and to fhew him kindnefs in fuch circum- flances, and to fee his dying behaviour, to hear his dying fpeeches, to receive his dying counfels, and to have the benefit of his dying prayers. May God in infinite mercy grant that we may ever retain a proper remembrance of thefe things, and make a due improvement of the advantages we have had in thefe refpedrs ! The Lord grant alfo, that the fore- going account of Mr. Brainerd*s life and death may be for the great fpiritual benefit of all that Ihall read it, and prove a happy means of promoting the re- vival of true religion in thefe parts of the world.
AMEN.
M'i:&.
Mirabilia Dei inter Indicos^
OR THE
RISE AND PROGRESS
OF A REMARKABLS
WORK OF GRACE
AMONG A NUMftSR OF THE
INDIANS,
In the Provinces of NEW,JERSEY and PENNSYLVANIA, JUSTIFY REPRESENTED IN A
JOURNAL
KEPT BY ORDIR. OF THE HONOURABLE SOCIETY, IN SCOTLAND, FOR VRO?^-
CATiNC CHRISTIAN KNOWLEDGE.
With some general REMARKS. By DAVID BRAINERD,
MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL, and MISSIONARY from the said SOCIETY. ■ "» >i jf ^^f<Sr'^^><§HiO^*-*<^=^
Published, at the first, by the reverend and worthy CORRESPOND- ENTS of the said SOCIETY.
Now republished, with some Diminution where the Matter was less interesting, by the editor.
Inftead of the thorn, fhall come up the fir tree ; and inftead of the brier, fliall come
up the myrtle tree : And it (hall be to the Lord for a name, for an eveilafting
fign that (Tiall not be cut off. Ifaiak Iv. 13, 1 am fought of them that afked not for me : 1 am found of them that fought me
not : I faid, Behold me, behold me, to a nation that was not called by my
name. Ifaiak Ixv. i . All thy works fhall praife thee, O Lord, and thy faints (ball blefs thee ; they (ball
fpeak. of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power. PfulmcKlv. jo, n.
PRINTED AT WORCESTER, MASSACHUSETTS,
By LEONARD WORCESTER.
MDCCXCIII,
i
THE
RISE AND PROGRESS, &c.
«»>ft»»5!^fSg'^fi««««
Crosweeksung, />z New-Jerfey, 'Jtme 19, I745«
HAVING fpent moft of my time for more than a year paft, amongft the Indians in the Forks of Delaware in Pennfylvania ; and having in that time made two journeys to Sufquehannah river, far back in that province, in order to treat with the Indians there, refpecfting chriftianity ^ and not having had any confiderable appearance of fpecial fuccefs in either of thofe places, which damped my fpirits, and was not a httle difcouraging to me ; up- on hearing that there was a number of Indians in and about a place called (by the Indians) Crofweek- fung, in New-Jerfey, near fourfcore miles foutheaft- ward from the Forks of Delaware, I determined to make them a vifit, and fee what might be done to- wards the chriftianizing of them ; and accordingly ar- rived among them this day.
I found very few perfons at the place I vifited, and perceived the Indians in thefe parts were very much fcattered, there being not more than tvvo or three families in a place, and thefc fmall fettlements fix, ten, fifteen, twenty and thirty miles, and fome more, from the place I was then at : However, I preached to thoCe few I found, whqp appeared well
difpofed
4 DIVINEGRACE displayed
difpofed, and not inclined to objedl and cavil, as the Indians had frequently done otherwhere.
When I had concluded my difcourfe, I informed fhem (there being none but a few women and children) that I would willingly vifit them again the next day. Whereupon they readily fet out and travelled ten or fifteen miles, in order to give notice to fome of their friends at that diftance. Thefe women, like the woman of Samaria, feemed defir- ous that others mighty^f the fnan that told them what they had done in their lives paft, and the mifery that attended their idolatrous ways.
^une 20. — Vifited and preached to the Indians again as I propofed. Numbers more were gather- ed at the invitations of their friends, who heard me the day before, Thefe alfo appeared as attentive, orderly and well difpofed as the others. And none made any obje(5tion, as Indians in other places have ufually done.
^une 22. — Preached to the Indians again. Their number, which at firft confifted of about feven or eight perfons, was now increafed to near thirty.
There was hot only a folemn attention among them, but fome confiderable impreflions (it was apparent) were made upon their minds by divine truths. Some began to feel their mifery and per- ifhing flate, and appeared concerned for a deliver- ance from it.
Lord*s Day^ 'June 23. — Preached to the Indians, and fpent the day with them. Their number ftill increafed ; and all, with one confent, feemed to re- joice in my coming among them. Not a word of oppofition was heard from any of them againft chriftianity, although in times paft, they had been as oppofite to any thing of that nature, as any In- dians whatfoever. And fome of them, not many months before, were enraged with my interprete ^ becaufe
Among the INDIANS. /
becaufe he attempted to teach them fomething of chriftianity.
'June 24. — Preached to the Indians at their defire, and upon their own motion. To fee poor pagans defirous of hearing the gofpel of Chrift, animated me to difcourfe to them, although I was now very- weakly, and my fpirits much exhaufted. They at- tended with the greateft ferioufnefs and dihgence ^ and there was fome concern for their fouls' falvation, apparent among them.
June 27. — Vifited and preached to the Indians again. Their number now amounted to about forty perfons. Their folemnity and attention ftill contin- ued ; and a conliderable concern for their fouls be- came very apparent among fundry of them.
June 2^. — The Indians being now gathered a con- fiderable number of them, from their feveral and diftant habitations, requefted me to preach twice a day to them, being defirous to hear as much as they poflibly could while I was with them. I cheerful- ly complied with their motion, and could not but admire the goodnefs of God, who, I was perfuaded, had inclined them thus to inquire after the way of falvation.
June 29. — Preached again twice to the Indians. Saw, as I thought, the hand of God very evidently, and in a manner fomewhat remarkable, making pro- vifion for their fubfiftence together, in order to their being inftrucfted in divine things. For this day and the day before, with only walking a little way from the place of our daily meeting, they killed three deer, which were a feafonable fupply for their wants, and without which, it feems, they could not have fub-* fifted together in order to attend the means of grace.
Lord's Day, June 30. — Preached twice this day alfo. Obferved yet more concern and affection among the poor heathens than ever ; So that they
even
6 DIVINEGRACE displayed
even conftrained me to tarry yet longer with them ; although my conftitiition was exceedingly worn out, and my health much impaired hy my late fatigues and labours, and efpecially by my late journey to Sufquehannah in May laft, in which I lodged on the ground for feveral weeks together.
'July I. — Preached aga,in, twice, to a very ferious and attentive aflembly of Indians, they having now learned to attend the worfhip of God, with chriftian decency in all refpefts.
There were now between forty and fifty perfons of them prefent, old and young.
I fpent fome confiderable time in difcourfing with them in a more private way, inquiring of them ■what they remembered of the great truths that had been taught them from day to day ; and may juft- ly fay it was amazing to fee how they had received and retained the inlT:ru(5lions given them, and what a meafure of knowledge fome of them had acquired in a few days.
July 2. — Was obliged to leave thefe Indians at Crofweekfung, thinking it my duty, as foon as health would admit, again to vifit thofe at the Forks of Delaware. When I came to take leave of them, and fpokc fomething particularly to each of them, they all earneftly inquired when I would come again, and expreffed a great defire of being further inftrudt- ed. And of their own accord agreed, that when I Ihould come again, they would all meet and live together during my continuance with them. And that they would do their utmoft endeavours to gath- er all the other Indians in thefe parts tliat were yet further remote. And when I parted, one told me with many tears, llie wi(hed God would change her heart ! Another that (lie wanted to find Chrift I And an old man that had been one of their chiefs, wept bitterly with concern for his foul. I then
promifed
Among the INDIANS. 7
promifed them to return as fpeedily as my health and bufinels elfewhere would admit, and felt not a little concerned at parting, left the good impreffions then apparent upon numbers of them, might decline and wear off, when the means came to ceafe ; and yet could not but hope that he who, I trufted, had begun a good work among them, and who I knew did not ftand in need of means to carry it on, would maintain and promote it in the abfence of them ; al- though at the fame time I muft confefs, that I had To often feen fuch encouraging appearances among the Indians otherwhere prove wholly abortive, and it appeared the favour would be fo great, if God fhould now, after I had palTed through fo confid- erable a feries of almoft fruitlefs labours and fatigues, and after myrifing hopes had been fo often fruftrat- ed among thefe poor pagans, give me any fpecial fuccefs in my labours with them, that I could not believe, and fcarce dared to hope that the event would be fo happy, and fcarce ever found myfelf more fufpended between hope and fear, in any affair, or at any time, than this.
This encouraging difpofition and readinefs to i'eceive inftrucSion, now apparent among thefe In- dians, feems tohave been the happy effed: of the con- viction that one or two of them met with fome time fince at the Forks of Delaware, who have lince en- deavoured to fhew their friends the evil of idolatry, &c. And although the other Indians feemed btit little to regard, but rather to deride them, yet this, perhaps has put them into a thinking pofture of mind, or at leafl, given them fome thoughts aboiit chriflianity, and excited in fome of them a curiofiiy to hear, ant! fo made way for the prefent encourag- ing attention. An appreheniion that this might be the cafe here, has given me encouragement that 'God may in fuch a manner blefs the means I have ufed
Y with
8 DIVINEGRACE displayed
with Indians in other places, where there is as yer no appearance of it. If fo, may his name have the glory of it ; for I have learned by experience that he only can open the ear, engage the attention, and incline the heart of poor benighted prejudiced pa- gans to recieve inftriidtion.
Forks of Delww are, in Pennfylvania, 1745.
Lord's Day, ^july 14. — Difcourfed to the Indians twice, feveral of whom appeared concerned, and were, I have reafon to think, in fome meafure con- vinced by the Divine Spirit, of their fin and mifery: So that they wept much the whole time of divine fervice.
Afterwards difcourfed to a number of white peo- ple then prefent.
^uly 18. — Preached to my people, who attended diligently, beyond what had been common among ihefe Indians ; And fome of them appeared con- cerned for their fouls.
Lord's Day, 'July 21. — Preached to the In- dians firft, then to a number of white people preC ent, and in the afternoon to the Indians again.- Di- vine truths feemed to make very confiderable im- preflions upon feveral of them, and caufed the tears to flow freely.
Afterwards I baptized my interpreter and his wife,who were the firft I baptized among the Indians.
They are both perfons of fome experimental knowledge in religion; have both been awakened to a folemn concern for their fouls ; have, to appearance, been brought to a fenfc of their mifery and undone- nefs in themfelves ; have both appeared to be com- forted with divine confokitions ; and it is apparent both have pafTed a great, and I cannot but hope a faving change.
'ijuly
Among the INDIANS. 9
'^uly 23. — Preached to the Indians, but had few hearers : Thofe who are conftantly at home feerti of late to be under fome ferious impreflions of a re- ligious nature.
"July 26. — Preached to my people, and, after- wards, baptized my interpreter's children.
Lord's Day, Ju/y 28. — Preached agairi, and per- ceived my people, at leafl: fome of them, more thoughtful than ever about their fouls' concerns. I was told by fome, that feeing my interpreter and •others baptized made them more concerned than any thing they had ever feen or heard before. There was indeed a confiderable appearance of divine pow- er amongll: them at the time that ordinance was ad- miniftered. May that divine influence fpread and increafe more abundantly.
Ju/y 30. — Difcourfed to a number of rny people^ and gave them fome particular advice and diredtion, being now about to leave them for the prefent, iri order to renew my vifit to the Indians in New-Jer- fey. They were very attentive to my dilcourfe', and earneflly defirous to know when I defigned to return to them again,
CrosweeksunG|»/;z New-jerfey, 1745.
Aiigujl 3. — Having vifited the Indians in thefeJ parts in June laft, and tarried with them fome con- fiderable time, preaching almoft daily ; at which feafon God Vv'as pleafed to pour upon them a fpirit of awakening and concern for their fouls, and fur- prifingly to engage their attention to divine truths. I now found them fcdous, and a number of them under deep concern for an intereft in Chrift : Their convi(5lions of their finful and perifliing ftate having, in my abfence from them, been much promoted by the labours and endeavours of the Rev, Mr, Willi*
y % am
10 DIVINEGRACE displayed
am Tennent, to whom I had advifcd them to apply for dire(ftion, and whofe houfe they frequented much while 1 was gone. I preached to them this day with fome view to Rev. xxii. 17. And wbofo- ever willy let him take the water of life freely : Though I could not pretend to handle the fubje(5t methodically among them.
The Lord, I am perfuaded, enabled me, in a manner fomewhat uncommon, to fet before them the Lord Jefus Chrift as a kind and companionate Saviour, inviting diftreffed and perifliing finners to accept everlafting mercy. And a furprifing concern foon became apparant among them. There were about twenty adult perfons together, (many of the Indi- ans at remote places not having as yet had time to come fince my return hither) and not above two that I could fee with dry eyes.
Lord*s Dayy Augufi 4. — Being invited by a neigh- bouring minifterto ailiftin the adminiftration of the Lord's fupper, I complied with his requeft, and took the Indians along with me, not only thofe that were together the day before, but many more that were coming to hear me, fo that there were near fifty in all, old and young.
They attended the fever^l difcourfes of the day, and fome of them that could underftand Englilh, were much affefted, and all feemed to have their concern in fome meafure raifed.
Now a change in their manners began to appear very vifible. In the evening when they came to fup together, they would not tafte a morfel un- til they had fent to me to come and afk a blelf- ing on their food, at which time fundry of them wept, efpecially when I minded them how they had in times paft eat their feafts in hon- our to devils, and negleded to thank God for them.
Augufl
Among the INDIANS. n
Augufl 5.— After a fermon had been preached by another minifter, I preached, and concluded the pubhck work of the folemnity from John yii. 37. And in my difcourfe addreffed the Indians in par- ticular, who fat by themfelves in apart of the houfej at which time one or two of them were ftruck with deep concern, as they afterwards told me, who had been little affeded before : Others had their con- cern increafed to a confiderable degree. In the evening (the greater part of them being at the houfe where I lodged) I difcourfed to them, and found them univerfally engaged about their fouls* concern,) inquiring zc'to they jhould do to be faved I And all their converfation 'among themfelves turned upon religious matters, in which they were much affifted by my interpreter, who was with them day and night. ii
This day, there was one woman, that had been much concerned for her foul, ever fince Ihe firfl heard me preach in June laft, who obtained comfort, I rruft, folid and well grounded : She feemcd to be filled with love to Chriil, at the fame time behaved humbly and tenderly, and appeared afraid of noth- ing fo much as of grieving and offending himv whom her foul loved. ■'
Augufl 6. — In the morning I difcourfed to the In- dians at the houfe where we lodged : Many of them were then much affedled, and appeared furprifing- ly tender, io that a few words about their fouls* con- cerns would caule the tears to flow freely, and pro- duce many fobs and groans.
In the afternoon, they being returned to the place where I have ufually preached amongft them, I again difcourfed to them there. There were about fifty five perfons in all, about forty that were capa- ble of attending divine fervice with underftanding ; 1 infifled upon i John iv. 10. Herein is love, &c.
Y 3 They
u DIVINE GRACE displayed
They feemed eager of hearing ; but there appeared nothing very remarkable, except their attention, until near the clofe of my difcourfe, and then divine truths were attended with a furprifing influence, and pro- duced a great concern among them. There was fcarce three in forty that could refrain from tears and bitter cries. They all, as one, feemed in an ago- ny of foul to obtain an intercft in Chrifl ; and the more I difcourfcd of the love and compaflion of God in fending his Son to fuffer for the fins of men ; and the more I invited them to come and partake of his love, the more their diftrefs was aggravated, becaufe they felt themfelves unable to come.
It was furprifing to fee how their hearts feemed to be pierced with the tender and melting invitations of the gofpel, when there was not a word of terror fpoken to them.
There were this day two perfons that obtained relief and comfort, which (when I came to dif- courfe with them particularly) appeared folid, ra- tional and fcriptural. After I had inquired into the grounds of their comfort, and faid many things I thought proper to them, I aiked them what they wanted God to do further for them. They replied, they wanted Chrifl: fliould wipe their hearts quite clean, &c.
Surprifing were now the doings of the Lord, that I can fay no lefs of this day, and I need fay no more of it, than that the arm of the Lord was powerfully and marvellouily revealed in it.
Augujl 8. — In the afternoon I preached to the In- dians ; their number was now about fixty five per- fons, men, women, and children : I difcourfcd from Luke xiv. i6. — 23. and was favoured with uncom- mon freedom in my difcourfe.
There was much vifible concern among them while I was difcourfing publickly ; but afterwards
when
Among the INDIANS. 13
when I fpoke to one and another more particularly, whom I percieved under much concern, the power of God feemed to defcend upon the aflembly like a rufhing mighty wind, and with an aftonilhing ener- gy bore down all before it.
I flood amazed at the influence that feized the audience almoft univerfally, and could compare it to nothing more aptly, than the irrefiftible force of a mighty torrent, or fwelling deluge, that with its infupportable weight and preffure, bears down and fweeps before it whatever is in its way ! Almoft ail perfons of all ages were bowed down with concern to- crether.and fcarce one was able to withftand the fliock
to ' ^ ^
of this furpriling operation ! Old men and women, who had been drunken wretches for many years, and fome little children, not more than fix or feven years of age, appeared in diftrefs for their fouls, as well as perfons of middle age. And it was apparent thefe children (fome of them at leaft) were not merely frighted with feeing the general con- cern ; but were made fenfible of their danger, the badnefs of their hearts, and their mifcry without Chrift, as fome of them exprefled it. The moil ftabborn hearts were now obliged to bow. A prin- cipal man among the Indians, who before was moft fecure and felf righteous, and thought his ftatc good becaufe he knew more than the generalit}'- of the In- dians had formerly done, and who with a great degree of confidence the day before, told miC, he had been a chriilian more then ten years, was now brought un- der folemn concern for his foul, and wept bitterly. Another man confidcrablc in years, who had been a u^ur^\cxe.r, A powjL'ow, (or cunjurer) anJ a notori- ous drunkard, was likewiie brought now to cry for mercy with many tears, and to complain much that he could be no more concerned when he fa\v his danger \o very great.
Y 4 They
14 DIVINE GRACE displayed
They were almoft univerfally praying and crying for naercy in every part of the houfe, and many out of doors, and numbers could neither go nor ftand : Their concern was fo great, each one for himfelf, that none feemed to take any notice of thofe about them, but each prayed as freely for themfelves, and (I am apt to think) were, to their own appreheniion, as much retired as if they had been every one by them- felves in the thickeft defert : Or, 1 believe rather that they thought nothing about any but themfelves, and their own llates, and fo were every one praying apart, although all together.
It feemed to me there was now an exa6l fulfilment of that prophefy, Zech. xii. lO. 1 1 . 12. for there was XiO^ a great mourning, like the mourning of Hadadrim- mon. And each feemed to mourn apart. Methought this had a near refemblance to the day of God*s pow- er, mentioned Jofh. x. 14. fori muft fay, I never faw any day like it in all refped:s : It was a day wherein, I am perfuaded, the Lord did much to deftroy the kingdom of darknefs among this people.
This concern in general was moft rational and juft. Thofe who had been awakened any confiderabje time, complained more efpecially of the badnefs of their hearts j and thofe newly awakened of the badnefs of their lives and actions paft ; and all were afraid of the anger of God, and of everlafting mifery as the defert of their fins.
Some of the white people, who came out of curi- oiity to hear what this babbler would fay, to the poor ignorant Indians, were much awakened, and lome appeared to be wounded with a view of their per- ilhing flate.
Thofe who had lately obtained relief, were filled with comfort at this feafon ; they appeared calm and compofed, and feemed to rejoice in Chriif Jeius : And fome of them took their diftreifed friends by
thQ
Among the INDIANS. 15
the hand, telling them of the goodnefs of Chrift, and the comfort that is to be enjoyed in him, and thence invited them to come and give up their hearts to him. And 1 could obferve fome of them in the moft hon- eft and unaffected manner (without any defign of being taken notice of) lifting up their eyes to heaven as if crying for mercy, while they faw the diftrefs of the poor fouls around them.
There was one remarkable infl:ance of awakening this day, that I cannot but take particular notice of here. A young Indian woman, who, I believe, never knew before that fhe had a foul, nor ever thought of any fuch thing, hearing that there was fomething flrange among the Indians, came, it feems, to fee what was the matter : She in her way to the Indians, called at my lodgings, and when I told her I defign- ed prefently to preach to the Indians, laughed and feemed to mock ; but went however to them. I had not proceeded far in my publick difcourfe be- fore (lie felt effectually that Ihe had a foul, and before I had concluded my dilcourfe, was fo convinced of her fin and mifcry, and fo diffreffed with concern for her foul's falvation, that (he feemed like one pierced through with a dart, and cried out inceffant- ly. She could neither go nor ftand, nor fit on her feat without being held up. After publick fervice was over, ffie lay flat on the ground, praying earneft- ly, and would take no notice ot, nor give any anfwer to any that fpoke to her, I hearkened to hear what fhe faid, and perceived the burden of her prayer to be, Giittummaukalummeh wechaumeh kuieleb Ndahj i.e. Have mercy on me, and help me to give you my heart. And thus Ihe continued praying inceffantly for many hours together.
This was indeed a furprifing day of God's power, and feemed enough to convmce an atheifl of the truth, importance and power of God's word.
Auguji
i6 DIVINE GRACE displayed
Augujl 9. — Spent almoifl the whole day with the Indians, the former part of it in difcourfing to ma- ny of them privately, and efpecially to Ibme who had lately received comfort, and endeavouring to inquire into the grounds of it, as well as to give them fome proper inftru6lions, cautions and directions.
In the afternoon difcourfed to them pubHckly. There were now prefent about feventy pcrfons, old and young. I opened and applied the parable of the fower, Matth. xiii. Was enabled to difcourfe with much plainnefs, and found afterwards that this difcourfe was very inftrudlive to them. There were many tears among them while I was difcourfing publickly, but no confiderable cry : Yet fome were much aflFedled with a few words fpoken from Matth. xi. 28. with which I concluded my difcourfe. But while I was difcourfing near night to two or three of the awakened perfons, a divine influence feemed to attend what was fpoken to them in a pow- erful manner, which caufed the perfons to cry out in anguifii of foul, although I fpoke not a word of terror, but on the contrary, fet before them the ful- nefs and allfufficiency of Chrifi*s merits, and his wilhngnefs to fave all that came to him ; and there- upon preffed them to come without delay.
The cry of thefe was foon heard by others, who, though fcattered before, immediately gathered round. 1 then proceeded in the fame ftrain of gofpel invita- tion, until they were all melted into tears and cries, except two or three ; and feemed in the greateft dif- trefs to find and fecure an interefl: in the great Re- deemer. Some who had but Jittle more than a ruf- fle made in their paflions the day before, feemed now to be deeply affected and wounded at heart : And the concern in general appeared near as preva- lent as it was the day before. There was indeed a very great mourning among them, and yet every one
feemed
Among the INDIANS. 17
leemed to mourn apart. For fo great was their con- cern, that almoft every one was praying and crying for himfelf, as if none had been near, Guttununau- kalummehy guttummaukalummeb : i. e. Have mer^ cy upon me^ have mercy upon ;;/<?, was the common cry.
It was very afFe(5ling to fee the poor Indians, who the other day were hollowing and yelling in their idolatrous feafts and drunken frolicks, now crying to God with fuch importunity for an intereft in his dear Son.
Lord's Day, Augujl 1 1 . — Difcourfed in the fore- noon from the parable of the prodigal fon, Lukexv. Obferved no fuch remarkable effect of the word up- on the alfembly as in days paft. There were num- bers of carelefs fpedtators of the white people ; fome Qijakers and others.
in the afternoon I difcourfed upon a part of St, Peter*s fermon, Ad:s ii. And at the clofe of my difcourfe to the Indians, made an addrefs to the white people, and divine truths fjemed then to be attended with power both to Englifh and Indians. Several of the white heathen were awakened, and could not longer be idle rpcd:ators, but found they bad fouls to fave or lofe as well as the Indians, and a great concern fpread through the whole affembly, fo that this alfo appeared to be a day of God's pow- er, efpecially towards the conclufion of it, as well as feveral of the former, although the influence attend- ing the word feemjcd fcarcc fo powerful now, as in fome days paft.
The number of the Indians, old and young, was now upwards of feventy, and one or two were new- ly awakened this day, who never had appeared to be moved with concern for their fouls before,
Thofe that had obtained relief and comfort, and had given hopeful evidences of havit^g palTed a fav-
ing
i8 DIVINE GRACE displayed
jng change, appeared humble and devout, and be- haved in an agreeable and chriftian manner. 1 was refreflied to fee the tendernefs of confcience manifeft in fome of them ; one inftance of which I cannot but take notice of. Perceiving one of them very forrow- ful in the morning, I inquired into the caufe of her forrow, and found the difficuhy was, (he had been angry with her child the evening before, and was now exercifed with fears, left her anger had been in- ordinate and finful, which fo grieved her that flie waked and began to fob before daylight, and con- tinued weeping for feveral hours together.
Auguji 14. — Spent the day with the Indians. There was one of them who had fome time fince put away his wife, as is common among them, and taken another woman, and being now brought un- der fome ferious impreffions, was much concerned about that affair in particular, and feemed fully con- vinced of the wickednefs of that practice, and earn- eftly defirous to know what God would have him do in his prefent circumftances. When the law of God refpeding marriage had been opened to them, and the caufe of his leaving his wife inquired into ; and when it appeared flie had given him no juft oc- cafion by unchaftity to defert her, and that fhe vvas willing to forgive his paft mifcondud:, and to live peaceably with him for the future, and that fhe moreover infifted on it as her right to enjoy him ; he was then told, that it was his indifpenfable duty to renounce the woman he had laft taken, and re- ceive the other who was his proper wife, and Jive peaceably with her during life ; with which he read- ily and cheerfully complied, and thereupon publick- ly renounced the woman he had laft taken, and pub- lickly promifed to live with and be kind to his wife during life, fhe alfo promifing the fame to him. And here appeared a clear demonftration of the
power
Among the INDIANS. 19
power of God's word upon their hearts. I fuppofe a few weeks before the whole world could not have perfuaded this man to a compliance with chriftian rules in this affair.
Augujl 16. — Spent confidcrable time in converfing privately with fundry of the Indians. Found one that had got relief and comfort, after preffing con- cern, and could not but hope, when I came to dif- courfe particularly with her, that her comfort was of the right kind.
In the afternoon preached to them from John vi. 26. — 34. Toward the clofe of my difcourfe, divine truths were attended with confiderable power upon the audience, and more efpecially after publick fer- vice was over, when I particularly addrefTed fundry diftreifed perfons.
There was a great concern for their fouls fpread pretty generally among them : But efpecially there were two perfons newly awakened to a fenfe of their fin and mifery, one of whom was lately come, and the other had all along been very attentive, and de- firous of being awakened, but could never before have any lively view of her perifhing ftate. But now her concern and fpiritual diftrefs was fuch, that I thought, I had never feen any more prefTmg. Sun- dry old men were alfo in diftrefs for their fouls ; fo that they could not refrain from weeping and crying out aloud, and their bitter groans were the moft con- vincing as well as aflPedting evidence of the reality and depth of their inward anguiOi. God is pow- erfully at work among them ! True and genuine convidlions of fin are daily promoted in many in- flances, and fome are newly awakened from time to time ; although fome few, who felt a commotion in their paflions in days pall, feem now to difcover that their hearts were never duly aflFe<5ted. I never (aw the work of God appear fo independent of means as?
at
20 DIVINE GRACE displayed
at this time. Idifcourfed to the people, and fpoke what I fuppofe had a proper tendency to promote convic- tions, and God*s manner of working upon them ap- peared foentirely fupernatural, and above means, that Icouldfcarce believe he ufedme as an inftrument, or what I fpake as means of carrying on his work : For it feemed, as I thought, to have no connexion with, or dependence upon means in any refpect. And although I could not but continue to ufe the means I thought proper for the promotion of the work, yet God feemed, as I apprehended, to work entirely without them : So that I feemed to do noth^ ing, and indeed to have nothing to do, but to jland Jiilt and fee the falvation of God, and found myfelf obliged and delighted to fay. Not unto us, not unto inftrumcnts and means, but to thy name be glory. God appeared to work entirely alone, and I faw no room to attribute any part of this work to any cre- ated arm.
Lord*s Dayy Augufi 25. — Preached in the fore- noon from Luke xv. 3. — 7. There being a multi- tude of white people prefent, I made an addreis to them at the cloie of my difcourfe to the Indians : But could not fo much as keep them orderly ; for icores of them kept walking and gazing about, and behaved more indecently than any Indians I ever ad- dreffed ; and a view of their abufive condudl (o funk my fpirits, that I could fcarce go on with my work.
In the afternoon difcourfed from Rev. iii. 20. At which time the Indians behaved ferioudy, though many others were vain.
Afterwards baptized twenty five perfons of the Indians, fifteen adults and ten children. Moft of the adults I have comfortable rcafon to hope are re- newed perfons, and there was not one of them but what I entertained fome hopes of in that rcfpecft,
though
Among the INDIANS. 2:
though the cafe of two or three of them appeared more doubtful.
After the crowd of fpedators was gone, I called the baptized perfons together, and diicourfed to them in particular, at the fame time inviting others to attend, minded them of the folemn obligations they were now under to live to God, warned them of the evil and dreadful confequences of carelefs liv- ing, efpecially after this publick profeilion of chrif- tianity ; gave them diredlions for their future con- dud:, and encouraged them to watchfulnefs and de- votion, by fetting before them the comfort and hap- py conclufion of a religious life. This was a delir- able and fweet feafon indeed ! Their hearts were en- gaged and cheerful in duty, and they rejoiced that they had in a publick and folemn manner dedicated themfclves to God. Love feemed to reign among them ! They took each other by the hand with ten- dernefs and affedion, as if their hearts were knit to- gether, while I was difcourfing to them : And all their deportment toward each other was fuch, tha? a ferious fpedator might juflly be excited to cry out with admiration, Behold bow they love one another I Sundry of the other Indians at leeing and hearing thefe things, were much affected and wept bitterly, longing to be partakers of the fame joy and comfort that thefe difcovered by their very countenances as well as conduct.
Auguji 26. — Preached to my people from John vi. 51. — 55. After I had difcourfed ibme time, I addrefifed thofe in particul'ar who entertained hopes that they were pajj'edfrom death to life. Opened to them the perfevering nature of tiioie confolations Chrift gives his people, and which I truiled he had bcflowed upon fome in that allembly, lliewed them that {uch have already tlie beginnings of eternal life, vcrfe 54. and that their heaven Ihail fpecdily be completed, &c.
I
22 DIVINE GRACE displayed
I no fooner began to difcourfe in this ftrain, but the dear chriftians in the congregation began to be niehed with aflfedlion to, and defirc of the enjoyment ofChrift, and of a ftate of perfect purity. They wept affectionately and yet joyfully, and their tears and fobs difcovered brokennefs of heart, and yet were attended with real comfort and fweetnefs, fo that this was a tender, affectionate, humble, delight- ful melting, and appeared to be the genuine effect of a fpirit of adoption, and very far from that fpirit of bondage that they not long fince laboured under. The influence feemed to fpread from thefe through the whole affembly, and there quickly appeared a wonderful concern among them.- Many who had not yet found Chrift as an allfufficient Saviour, were furprifingly engaged in feeking after him. It was indeed a lovely and very dcfirable affembly. Their number was now about ninety five perfons, old and young, and almofl all affected either with joy in Chrifl Jefus, or with utmofl concern to obtain an in- tereft in him.
Being fully convinced it was now my duty to take a journey far back to the Indians on Sufquehannah river, it being now a proper feafon of the year to find them generally at home, after having fpent fome hours in publick and private difcourfes with my people, I told them that I mufl now leave them for the prefent, and go to their brethren far remote and preach to them : That I wanted the Spirit of God fliould go with me, without whom nothing could be done to any good purpdfe among the Indians, as they themfelvcs had had opportunity to fee and ob- ferve by the barrennefs of our meetings at fome times, when there was much pains taken to effedt and awaken linners, and yet to little or no purpofe : And afked them if they could not be willing to fpend the remainder of the day in prayer for me, that God
would
Among the INDIANS. 23
would go with me, and fucceed my endeavours, for the con verlion of thofe poor fouls. They cheerfully complied with the motion, and foon after I left them, the fun being then about an hour and half high at night, they began, and continued praying all night, until break of day, or very near, never miftrufting, they tell me, until they went out and viewed the ftars, and faw the morning ftar a confiderable height, that it was later than common bed time. Thus eager and unwearied were they in their devotions ! A re- markable night it was, attended, as my interpreter tells me, with a powerful influence upon thofe who were yet under concern, as well as thofe that had re- ceived comfort.
There were, I truft, this day, two diftrefled fouls brought to the enjoyment of folid comfort in him, in whom the weary find reft.
It was likewife remarkable that, this day, an old Indian, who has all his days been an obftinate idol- ater, was brought to give up his rattles, which they ufe for mufick in their idolatrous feafts and dances, to the other Indians, who quickly deftroyed them, and this vyithout any attempt of mine, in the affair, I having faid nothing to him about it ; fo that it feem- ed it was nothing but juft the power of God*s word, without any particular application to this fin, that produced this effect. Thus God has begun, thus he has hitherto furprifingly carried on, a work of grace amongft thefe Indians. May the glory be afcribed to him, who is the fole author of it.
Forks of Delaware, in Pennfylvania, 1745*
September 19. — Vifited an Indian town called Ju-
neauta, fituate on an ifland in Sufquehannah. Was
much difcouraged with the temper and behaviour
of the Indians here, although theyappeared friendly
Z when
24 DIVINE GRACE displayed
when I was with them the laft fpring, and then gave me encouragement to come and fee them again : But they now feemed refolved to retail their pagan notions, and perfift in their idolatrous pradices.
September 20. — Vifited the Indians again at Ju- neauta Ifland, and found them ah-noft univerfal- ly very bufy in making preparations for a great facrifice and dance. Had no opportunity to get them together in order to difcourfe with them about chriftianity, by reafon of their being fo much engag- ed about their facrifice. My fpirits were much funk with a profped: fo very difcouraging, and cfpecially feeing I had now no interpreter but a pagan, who was as much attached to idolatry as any of them, (my own interpreter having left me the day before, being obliged to attend upon fome important bufi- nefs otherwhere, and knowing that he could neither fpeak nor underftand the language of thefe Indians) fo that I was under the greateft difadvantages imagin- able ; however, I attempted to difcourfe privately with fome of them, but without any appearance of fuccefs : Notwithfl-anding, I ftill tarried with them. In the evening they met together, near a hundred of them, and danced round a large fire, having pre- pared ten fat deer for the facrifice ; the fat of whofe inwards they burned in the fire, while they were dancing, and fometimes raifed the flame to a pro- digious height, at the fame time yelling and fhout- ing in fuch a manner, that they might eafily have been heard two miles or more.
They continued their facred dance all night, or near the matter; after which they ate the fiefh of the facrifice, and fo retired each one to his lodging.
I enjoyed little fatisfadion this night, being en- tirely alone on the ifland, as to any chriflian com- pany, and in the mid ft of this idolatrous revel ; and having walked to and fro until body and mind were
pained
Among Ihe INDIANS. i^
pained and much opprefled, I at length crept into a little crib made for corn, and there flept on the poles.
Lord's Day, September 21.— Spent the day with the Indians on the ifland. As foon as they were well up in the morning, I attempted to inftrud: them, and laboured for that purpofe to get them to- gether, but quickly found they had fomething elfe to do ; for near noon they gathered together all their powwows, or conjurers, and fet about half a dozen of them to playing their juggling tricks, and acting their frantick dillradted poftures, in order to find out why they were then {o fickly upon the illand, num- bers of them being at that time difordered with a fever and bloody flux. In this exercife they were en- gaged for feveral hours, making all the wild, ridicu- lous and diftradted motions imaginable ; fometimes finging, fometimes howling, fometimes extending their hands to the utmoft ftretch, fpreading all their fingers, and feemed to pu(h with them, as if they defigned to fright fomething away, or, at leaft, keep it ofFat arm's end ; fometimes firoking their faces with their hands, then fpurting water as fine as mift ; fometimes fetting flat on the earth, then bowing down their faces to the ground ; wringing their fides as if in pain and anguifh ; twifting their faces, turn- ing up their eyes, grunting, puffing, &c.
Their monftrous actions tended to excite ideas of horror, and feemed to have fomething in them, as I thought, peculiarly fuited to raife the devil, if he could be raifed by any thing odd, ridiculous and frightful. Some of them I could obferve were much more fervent and devout in the bufinefs than others, and feemed to chant, peep and m.utter Vv'ith a great degree of warmth and vigour, as if determined to awaken and engage the powers below. I fat at a fmall difiance, not more than thirty feet from them, though undifcovcred, with my Bible in my hand,
Z % refolving
26 DIVINE GRACE displayed
refolving if poflible to fpoil their fport, and prevent their receiving any anfwers from the infernal world, and there viewed the whole fcene. They continued their hideous charms and incantations for more than three hours, until they had all wearied themfelves out, although they had in that fpace of time taken fundry intervals of reft, and at length broke up, I ap- prehended, without receiving any anfwer at all.
After they had done powwowing, I attempted to difcourfe with them about chriftianity ; but they foon fcattered, and gave me no opportunity for any thing of that nature.
Crosweeksung, in New-Jerfey, 1745.
Preached to my people from John xiv, i. — 6. The divine prefence feemed to be in the affembly. Numbers were affedted with divine truths, and it was a feafon of comfort tofome in particular.
O ! what a difference is there between thefe and the Indians I had lately treated with upon Sufque- hannah ! To be with thofe feemed like being ban- ifhed from God and all his people ; to be with thefe like being admitted into his family, and to the en- joyment of his divine prefence ! How great is the change lately made upon numbers of thefe Indians, who not many months ago were many of them as thoughtlefs, and averfe to chriftianity, as thofe upon Sufquehannah ! And how aftoniftiing is that grace that has made this change !
Lord's Day ^Odiober 6, — Preached in the forenoon from John x. 7. — 11. There was a confiderable melting among my people, the dear j^oung chrift- ians were refreftied, comforted and ftrengthened, and one or two perfons newly awakened.
In the afternoon I difcourfed on the ftory of the jailor, Adts xvi. and in the evening expounded Ads
XX.
Among the INDIANS, 27
XX. I. — 12. There was at this time a very agreea- ble melting fpread through the whole affembly. I think I fcarce ever faw a more deiirable affection in any number of people in my life. There was fcarce a dry eye to be fcen among them, and yet nothing boifierous or unfeemly, nothing that tended to dif- turb the publick worlhip 3 but rather to encourage and excite a chriftian ardour and fpirit of devotion.
Thofe, who I have reafon to hope were favingly renewed, were firft afFe(5ted, and feemed to rejoice much, but with brokennefs of fpirit and godly fear; their exercifes were much the fame with thofe men- tioned in my Journal of Auguft 26, evidently ap> pearing to be the genuine effedl of a fpirit of adop::* tion.
After publick fervice was over I withdrew, being much tired with the labours of the day, and the In- dians continued praying among themfelves for near two hours together, which continued exercifes ap- peared to be attended with a blelfed quickening in- fluence from on high.
I could not but earneftly wifh that numbers of God's people had been prefent at this feafon, to fee and hear thefe things, which I am fure muft refrefh the heart of every true lover of Zion's intereft. To fee thofe, who very lately were favage pagans and idolaters, having no hope, and wiihout God in the world, now filled with a fenfe of divine love and grace, and worfhipping the Father in fpirit and in truth, as numbers here appeared to do, was not a little affed:ingj and efpecially to fee them appear fo tender and humble, as well as lively, fervent and de- vout in the divine fervice.
O^ober 24. — Difcourfed from John iv. 13. 14.
There was a great attention, a defirable affedtion,
and an unaffed:cd melting in the affembly. It is
furpriling to fee how eager they are of hearing the
2 3 word
28 D I V I N E G R A C E displayed
word of God. I have oftentimes thought they would cheerfully and diligently attend divine vvorfliip twen- ty four hours together, had they an opportunity fo to do.
Odfober 25. — Difcourfed to my people refpecSling the refurrediion, from Luke xx. 27. — 36. And when I came to mention the bleflednefs the godly fhall enjoy at that feafon, their final freedom from death, fin and forrow ; their equality to the angels in regard of their nearnefs to and enjoyment of Chriil: 5 fome imperfed: degree of which they are favoured with in the prefent life, from whence fprings their fweeteft comfort ; and their being the children of God, openly acknowledged by him as fuch : I fay, when I mentioned thefe things, num- bers of ihem were much affected, and melted with a view of this bleffed flate.
Odiober^%. — Difcourfed from Matth. xxii. i. — 13. I was enabled to open the fcripture, and adapt my difcourfe and expreflions to the capacities of my people I know not how, in a plain, eafy, and famil- iar manner, beyond all that I could have done by the utmoft ftudy : And this, without any fpecial difficulty, with as much freedom as if I had been addrefling a common audience, who had been in- ftrudfed in the doctrine of chriffianity all their days.
The word of God at this time feemed to fall up- on the affembly with a divine power and influence, efpecially toward the clofe of my difcourfe : There was both a fweet melting and bitter mourning in the audience. The dear chridians were refrefhed and comforted, convid:ions revived in others, and fundry perfons newly awakened who had never been with us before ; and fo much of the divine prefence ap- peared in the affembly, that it feemed, thiiis^as none other than the houfe of God, and the gate of heaven. And all that had any favour and relifh of divin*
things
Among THE IN D I A N S. 29
things wcrce;ven conftrained by the fwcetnefs of that feafon.to fay, Lord, it is good for us to be here. If ever there was aniongft my people an appearance of the New-Jerufalem, <2J a bride adorned for her hufhand, there was much of it at this time ; and fo agreeable was the entertainment where fucjfi tokens of the di-! vine prefence were, that I could fcarce be willing in the evening to leave the place, and repair to my lodgings. I was refrelhed with a view of the con- tinuance of this bleffed work of grace among them^ and its influence upon ftrangers of the Indians that had of late, from time to time, providentially fallen into thefe parts.
Lord's Day, Nove?nber 3. — Preached to my people from Luke xvi. 17. more efpecially for the fake of feveral lately brought under deep concern for their louls. There was fome apparent concern and affec- tion in the aflembly, though far lefs than has been ufualoflate.
Afterwards I baptized fourteen perfons of the In- dians, fix adults and eight children : One of thefe was near fourfcorc years of age, and I have reafon to hope God has brought her favingly home to him- felf : Two of the others were men of fifty years old , who had been fingular and remarkable, even among the Indians, for their wickednefs. One of them had been a murderer, and both notorious drunkards as well as exceffive quarrelforne ; but now I cannot but hope both are become fubjed:s of God*s fpecial grace, efpecially the woril of them. I deferred their baptifm for many weeks after they had given evi- dences of having paffed a great change, that I might have more opportunities to obferve the fruits of thofc impreffions they had been under, and apprehended the way was now clear : And there was not one of the adults 1 baptized, but what bad given me fome comfortable grounds to hope, that God had wrought
Z 4 a
30 DIVINEGRACE dispi^ayed
a work of fpecial grace in their hearts ; ahhough I could not have the fame degree of fatisfadtion rc- fpe<5ting one or two of them, as the reft.
November 4. — Difcourfed from John xi. briefly explaining moft of the chapter. Divine truths made deep impreflionsupon many in the affembly j num- bers were afFeifted with a view of the power of Chrift, manifefted in his raifing the dead, and ef- pecially when this inftance of his power was im- proved to (hew his power and ability to raife dead fouls, fuch as many of them then felt themlelves to be, to a fpi ritual life; Asalfo to raife the dead at the laftday, and difpenfe to them due rewards and punifhincnts.
There were fundry of the perlbns lately come here from remote places, that were now brought under deep and prefling concern for their fouls, particu- larly one, who not long fince came half drunk, and railed on us, and attempted by all means to difturb us while engaged in the divine worfhip, was now fo concerned and diftreifed for her foul, that fhe feem- ed unable to get any eafe without an intereft in Chrift. There were many tears and affbd:ionate fobs and groans in the aftembly in general, fome weep- ing for themfelves, others for their friends. And although perfons are doubtlefs much eafier affedtcd now, than they were in the beginning of this relig- ious concern, when tears and cries for their fouls "Were things unheard of among them, yet I mufl lay, their affedtion in general appeared genuine and un- feigned J and efpecially this appeared very confpic- uous in thofe newly awakened. So that true and genuine convic^tions of fin, feem ftiil to be begur^ and promoted in many inftances.
Baptized a child this day, and perceived fundry of the baptized perfons affcded with the adminiftra- tion of this ordinance, as being thereby minded of their own folemn engagements.
I
Among the INDIANS. 31
I have now baptized in all forty feven perfons of the Indians, twenty three adults, and twenty four children. Thirty five of them belonging to thefe parts, and the reft to the Forks of Delaware : And, through rich grace, they have none of them as yet been left to difgrace their profefTion of chrif- tianity by any fcandalous or unbecoming beha- viour.
hordes Day, November 2^. — Preached both parts of the day from the ftory of Zaccheus, Luke xix. i . — 9. In the latter exercife, when I opened and infifted upon the falvation that comes to the finner, upon his becoming a fon of Abraham, or a true believer, the word feemed to be attended with divine pow- er to the hearts of the hearers. Numbers were much afFecfted with divine truths. Former con- vi(5tions were revived. One or two perfons newly awakened. And a moft affectionate engagement in divine fervice appeared among them univer- fally.
The impreffions they were under appeared to be the genuine effect of God's word brought home to their hearts, by the power and influence of the Di- vine Spirit.
November lb, — Afterhavingfpent fome time in pri- vate conferences with my people, I difcourfed pub- Jickly among them, from John v. 19. I was favour- ed with fome fpecial freedom and fervency in my difcourfe, and a powerful energy accompanied di- vine truths. Many wept and fobbed affectionately, and fcarce any appeared unconcerned in the whole affembly. The influence that feized the audience appeared gentle, and yet pungent and efficacious. It produced no boifterous commotion of the paf- fions, but feemed deeply to affed: the heart ; and excited in the perfons under convidions of their loft ftate, heavy groans and tears-. And in others who
had
3z DIVINE GRACE displayed
had obtained comfort, a fwect and humble melting. It feemed like the .gentle but fteady Ihower^ th^t efFcdually water the earth, without violently beat- ing upon the furface.
November 30. — Preached near night, after having fpent fome hours in private conference with iomc of my people about their fouls' concerns. Explain- ed and infiited upon the ftory of the rich man and Lazarus, Luke xvi. 19.— 26. The word made powerful impreffions upon many in the ailembly, efpecially while 1 difcourfed ct" the bkfledneis of Lazarus in Abraham's bolom.
Lord's Day, December 1. — Difcourfed to my peo- ple, in the forenoon, from Luke xvi. 27. — 31 . There appeared an unfeigned affcd:ion in divers perions, and fome feemed deeply . imprelfed with divine truths.
Lord's Day, December^. — Difcourfed on the ftory of the blind man, John ix. There appeared no re- markable effcd: of the word upon the aflembly at this time. The perlons who have lately been much concerned for their fouls, feemed now not lo ailed^- ed nor felicitous to obtain an interell: in Chrift as has been ufual ; although they attended divine fer- vice with ferioufnefs and diligence.
Such have been the doings of the Lord here, in awakening finners, and affe(5ting the hearts of thofe who are brought to folid comfort, with a freih fenfe of divine things from time to time, that it is novv ftrange to fee the ailembly lit with dry eyes, and without fobs and groans !
Lord's Day, December 15. — Preached to the In- dians from Luke xiii. 24. — 28. Divine truths fell with weight and power upon the audience, .and ieemed to reach the hearts of many. Near night difcourfed to them again from Matth. xxv. 31.— 46. At which feafon alio, the word appeared to be ac*
companied
Among the I N D I AN S. 23
companied with a divine influence, and made pow- erful impreffions upon the affembly in general, as well as upon divers perfons in a very fpecial and particular manner. This was an amazing fcafon of grace ! The word of ^ be Lord, this day, '■x'as quick and powerful, Jharper than a two edged fivord, and pierced to the hearts of many. The alTcmbly was grently affedled, and deeply wrouglit upon ; yec without fo much apparent commotion of the paf- fions, as was ufual in the beginning of this work o£ grace. The impreffions made by the word of God upon the audience, appeared folid, rational and deep, worthy of the folemn truths by means of which they were produced, and far from being the effeds of any fuddcn fright or groundlcfs perturbation of mind.
O, how did the hearts of the hearers feem to bow: under the weight of divine truths! i\nd how evident did it now appear that they received and felt them, not as the word of man but as the word of God ! None can frame a juft idea of the appearance of ourafTem- bly at this time, but thofe who have feen a congrega, tion folemnly awed, and deeply imprefled by the fpecial power and influence of divine truths deliver-, ed to them in the name of God 1
December i6.— Difcourfed to my people in the evening from Luke xi. i. — 13. There was much affe(5tion and concern in the aflembly ; and efpeclaU 3y one woman appeared in great diflrefs for her foul. She vyas brought to fuch an agony in feeking after Chrifl, that the fweat ran off her face for a con- iiderable time together, although the evening was very cold ; and her bitter cries were the molt affecting indication of the inward anguifli of her heart.
Lord*s Day^ December 22. — Difcourfed upon the flpry of the young man in the gofpel, Mattli. ix,
16. — 22.
34 DIVINE GRACE displayed
1 6 — 22. God made it a feafonable word, I am per- fuadcd, to feme fouls.
There were fundry perfons of the Indians newly come here, who had frequently lived among Qua- kers, and being more civilized and conformed to Englifh manners than the generality of Indians, they had imbibed fome.of the Quakers* errors j efpecially this fundamental one, viz. That if men will but live foberly and honeftly, according to the dicflates of their own confciences (or the light within) there is then no danger or doubt of their falvation, &c. Thefe perfons I found much worfe to deal with than thofe who are wholly under pagan darknefs, who make no pretences to knowledge in chrifti- anity at all, nor have any felf righteous foundation to ftand upon. However, they all, except one, ap- peared now convinced, that this fober honeft life of itfelf, was not fufficient to falvation ; fince Chrift himfelf had declared it fo in the cafe of the young man. And feemed, in fome meafure, concerned to obtain that change of heart which I had been labour- ing to fhew them the neceflity of.
This was like wife a feafon of comfort to fome fouls, and in particular to one (the fame mentioned in my journal of the i6th inftant) who never before obtained any fettled comfort, though I have abun- dant reafon to think (he had paiTed a faving change fome days before.
She now appeared in a heavenly frame of mind, compofed and delighted with the divine will. When I came to difcourfe particularly with her, and to in- quire of her, how (he got relief and deliverance from the fpiritual diftreffes (he had lately been under, (lie anfwered in broken EngliQi, Me try, me try, (ave myfelf, laft my ftrength be all gone, (meaning her ability to fave her(elf) coud*nt me ftir bit further. iDcn laft, me forc*d let Jefus Chrift alone, fend me
heJl
Among the INDIANS. 35
hell if he pleafe*. I faid, But you was not willing to go to hell, was you ? She replied, Could not me help it. My heart he would wicked for all. Could not me make him good*!', (meaning fhe faw it was right fhe fhould go to hell, becaufe her heart was wicked, and would be fo after all (lie coald do to mend it.) I afked her, how (he got out of this cafe. She anfwered ftill in the fame broken language, By by my heart be grad defperately. I afked her, why her heart was glad. She replied, Grad my heart Jefus Chrift do what he pleafe with me. Den me tink, grad my heart Jefus Chrift fend me hell. Did*nt me care where he put me, me lobe him for allj, &c.
And (he could not readily be convinced, but that file was willing to go to hell, if Chrift was pleafed to fend her there. Though the truth evidently was, her will was fo fwallowed up in the divine will, that fhe could not frame any hell in her imagination that would be dreadful or undefirable, provided it was but the will of God to fend her to it.
Towards night difcourfed to them again in the catechetical method I entered upon the evening be- fore. And when I came to improve the truths i had explained to them, and to anfwer that queftion, But how (hall I know whether God hath chofen me to everlafting life ? by prefTing them to come and give up their hearts to Chrift, and thereby to make their eledtion fure, they then appeared much affect- ed : And the perfons under concern were afrefh en- gaged in feeking after an intereft in him ; while fome others, who had obtained comfort before, were
refrcfhed
* In proper FnglifVi, thus, I tried and tried to fave myfelf, until at laft my ftrengtk .was all gone, and I coufd not ftir any furrher. Then, at laft, I was forced to let Jefus Chrift alone to fend me to hell if he plcaied.
t In plain Englifh, thus, I could not help it. My heart would be wicked for all what 1 could do. I could not make itgood.
X By and by my heart was exceeding glad. My heart was glad that Jelus Chrift would do with mc what he pleafed. Then 1 thought my heart would be glad although Chrift (hould fend me to hell. I did not care whsie he put rae, I (hould love him for all, i. e. do what he would with me.
56 DIVINEGRACE displayed
refrefhed to find that love to God in themfelves, which was an evidence of his eledling love to them.
Dece?7i6er 25.^-The Indians having beenufed upon Chriltmas days to drink and revel among fome of the white people in thefe parts, 1 thought it proper this day to call them together and dil'courle to them upon divine things ; which I accordingly did from the parable of the barren fig tree, Luke xiii. 6. — 9. A divme influence, 1 am periuaded, accompanied the word at this feafon. The power of God appear- ed in the affembly, not by producing any remarka- ble cries, but by Shocking and rouiing at heart, (as it feemed) feveral ft up id creatures, that were Icarce ever moved with any concern before. The power attending divine truths, feemed to have the influ- ence of the earthquake rather than the whirlwind upon them. Their paflions were not fo much alarm- ed as has been common here, in times paft ; but their judgments appeared to be powerfully convinced by the mafterly and conquering influence of divine truths. The impreflTions made upon the aflembly in general, feemed not fuperficial, but deep and heart affedling. O how ready did they now appear univerfally to embrace and comply with every thing they heard and were convinced was duty ! God was in the tnidft of us of a truth, bowing and melting ftub- born hearts ! How many tears and fobs were then to be feen and heard among us ! What livelin^fs and ftrid: attention ! What eagernefs and intenfe- ncfs of mind appeared in the whole affembly in the time of divine iervice ! They feemed to watch and wait for the dropping of God's word, as the thirfly e a r t h fo r t h e former and latter rain .
December 28. — Difcourfed to my people in the catechetical method I lately entered upon. And in the improvement of my difcourfc, wherein I was comparing man's prefent with his primitive ftate ;
and
Among the INDIA^NS. ♦ 37
and fliewing what he had fallen from, and the mif- eries he is now involved in, and expofed to. in his natural eftate ; and prelling finners to-take iview of their deplorable circumftances without Chrift ; as alfo to ftrive that they might obtain an- intereft in him ; the Lord, I trull, granted a remarkabh influ- ence of his blelTed Spirit to accompany what was fpoken, and there was a great concern appeared in the alTembly ; Many were melted into tears and fobs, and the impreffions made upon them, teemed deep and heart affed:ing.
Lord's Day\ December 29. — Preached from John iii. 1 . — 5. A number of white people were prefent as is ufual upon the Sabbath. The difcourfe was accompanied with power, and leemed to have a filent, but deep and piercing influence upon the au- dience. Many wept and fobbed affectionately. And there were fome tears among the white people as well as the Indians. Some could not refrain from crying out, though there were not many fo exercif- ed. But the impreffions made upon their hearts, appeared chiefly by the extraordinary earneflnefs of their attention, and their heavy iighs and tears.
After publick worfliip was over, I went to my houle, propofing to preach again after a fliort fea- fon of intermiflion. But they foon came in one af- ter another, with tears in their eyes, to know what they fliould do to be faved. And the Divine Spirit in fuch a manner fet home upon their hearts what I fpoke to ihcm, that the houfe was foon filled with cries, and groans. They all flocked together upon this occafion, and thofe whom I had reafon to think in a chrifUefs ftate, were almolt univerGilIy feized with concern for their fouls.
. It was .an amazing fcafon of power among them, and feem^d as if God had bo-jucd the heavejis ar.d com.' dowi. So aflonilhingly prevalent was the 01^-
eTatioii
38 DIVINE GRACE displayed
eration upon old as well as young, that it feemed as if none would be left in a fecure and natural ftate, but that God was now about to convert all the world. And I was ready to think then, that I fliould never again defpair of the converfion of any man or woman living, be they who or what xhcy would.
It is impoflible to give a juil: and lively defcrip- tion of the appearance of things at this feafon, at leaft, fuch as to convey a bright and adequate idea of the efFe(5ls of this influence ! A number might now be feen rejoicing that God had not taken away the powerful influence of his bleffed Spirit from this place ; refrefhed to fee fo many driving to enter in at the firait gate ; and animated with fuch concern for them, that they wanted to pufh them forward, as fome of them exprefled it. At the fame time numbers, both of men and women, old and young, might be feen in tears, and fome in an- guifh of fpirit, appearing in their very countenances like condemned malefacflors, bound towards the place of execution, with a heavy folicitude fitting in their faces \ fo that there feemed here, as I thought, a lively emblem of the folcmn day of accounts ! A mixture of heaven and hell, of joy unfpeakable, and anguifli inexpreflible !
The concern and religious affection vj^as fuch, that I could not pretend to have any formal relig- ious exercife among them -, but fpent the time in difcourfing to one and another, as I thought moft proper, and feafonable for each, and fome times ad- drelTed them all together, and finally concluded with prayer. Such were their circumftances at this feafon, that I could fcarce have half an hour's refl from fpeaking, from about half an hour before twelve o'clock (at which time I began publiek wor-
fhip) until paft feven at night.
There
Among i^he INDIANS. 39
There appeared to be four or five perfons newly awakened this day, and the evening before, fome of whom but very lately came among us.
December 30. — Was vifited by four or five young perfons under concern for their fouls, moftof whom \yene very lately awakened. They wept much while 1 difcourfed to them, and endeavoured to prefs upon them the neceffity of flying to Chrifl, with- out delay, for falvation.
'December 31. — Spent fome hours this day in vifit- ing my people from houfe to houfe, and converfing with them about their fpiritual concerns ; endeavour- ing to prefs tipon chriftlefs fouls the neceffity of a renovation of heart : And fcarce left a houfe, with- out leaving fome or other of its inhabitants in tears, appearing folicitoufly engaged to obtain an interefl in Chrifl.
The Indians are now gathered together froni all quarters to this place, and have built them little cot- tages, fo that more than twenty families live within, a quarter of a mile of me. A very convenient fitu- ation in regard both of publick and private in- ftruiflion.
'January 1, 1745,6. — Spent fome confiderable time in vifiting my people again. Found fcarce one but what was under fome ferious impreffions " refpedling their fpiritual concerns.
'January 2. — Viiited fome perfons newly come among us, who had fcarce ever heard any thing of chriftianity (except the em^ptj'' name) before. En- deavoured to inftruct them particularly ya the firfl principles of religion, in the moft eafy and fai.uliar manner I could.
There are firangcrs from remote parts almofi: con- tinually dropping in amongus,fo that I haveoccafion repeatedly to open and inculcate the firfb principle3 of chriftianity.
A a . "January
40 DIVINE GRACE displayed
'January 4. — Profecutcd my catechetical method of inftrucSing. Found my people able to anfwer queftions with propriety, beyond what could have been expe<5ted from perfons fo lately brought out of heathenifh darknefs.
Lord^s Day, January 5. — Difcourfed from Matth. xii. 10. — 13. There appeared not fo much liveli- nefs and affecftion in divine fervice as ufual. The fame truths that have often produced many tears and fobs in the affembly, feemed row to have no fpecial influence upon any in it.
Near night I propofed to have proceeded in my ufual method of catechifing. But while we were engaged in the firft prayer, the power of God feem- ed to defcend upon the aflembly in fuch a remarka- ble manner, and fo many appeared under prefling concern for their fouls, that 1 thought it much more expedient to infill; upon the plentiful provifion made by divine grace for the redemption of peri thing iinners, and to prefs them to a fpeedy acceptance of the great falvation, than to afk them queftions about doctrinal points. What was moft practical, feem- ed moft feafonable to be infifted upon, while num- bers appeared fo extraordinarily folicitous to obtain an intereft in the great Redeemer.
Baptized two perfons this day ; one adult (the woman particularly mentioned in my Journal of December 22,) and one child.
This woman has difcovered a very fweet and heav- enly frame of mind, from time to time, fince her firft reception of comfort. One morning in partic- ular fhe came to fee me, difcovering an unufual joy and fatisfadtion in her countenance; and when 1 in- quired into the reafon of it, fhe replied, that God had made her feel that it was right for him to do what he pleafed with all things ; and that it would be right if he fhould caft her hufband and fon both
into
Among the INDIANS. 4!
into hell; and fhe faw it was fo right for God to do what he pleafed with them, that fhe could not but rejoice if God fhould fend them into hell. Though it was apparent fhe loved them dearly. She, more- over, inquired whether 1 was not fent to preach to the Indians, by fome good people a great way off. I replied » Yes, by the good people in Scotland. She anfwered, that her heart loved thofe good people fo, the evening before, that fhe could fcarce help pray- ing for them all night, her heart would go to God for them, &c, fo that the bleffing of thofe ready to periih is like to come upon thofe pious perfons who have communicated of their fubftance to the propa- gation of the gofpel.
'January 1 1. — Difcourfed in a catechetical method, as ufual of late. And having opened our firft pa- rent's primitive apoftafy, from God, and our fall ii\ him, I proceeded to improve my difcouffe, by fhevv- ing the neceffiry we ftood in of an almighty Redeem- er, and the abfolute need every iinner has of an in- tereft in his merits and mediation. There was fome tendernefs and afFecStionate concern appeared in the alfcmbly.
Lord's Day, January ici.— Preached fforti Ifaiah Iv. 6. The word of God feemed to fall upon the audience, with a divine weight and influence, and evidently appeared to be not the word of man. The bkfTed Spirit, I am perluaded, accompanied what was fpoken to the hearts of many. So that there was a powerful revival of conviction in numbers who were under fpiritual exercife before.
January 13.— Was vifited by divers perfons Under' deep concern for their fouls : One of whom was newly awakened. It is a mod agreeable work to treat with fouls who are lolicitoufly inquiring what they Jhall do to be favcd. And as we are never to be weary in well doings fo the obligation feems to be A a 2i peculiarly
42 DIVINE GRACE displayed
peculiarly ftrong wRen the work is fo very defirable. And yet I mufl fay, my health is fo much impaired, and my fpirits fo wafted with my labours and folitary manner of living (there being no human creature in the houfe with me) that their repeated and almoft inceflfant applications to me for help and diretlion, are fometimes exceeding burdenfome, and foexhauli my fpirits, that I become fit for nothing at all, en- tirely unable to profecute any bufinefs fometimes for days together.
January 14. — Spent fome time in private con- ferences with my people, and found fome difpofed to take comfort, as I thought, upon flighty grounds. They are now generally awakened, and it is become fo difgraceful, as well as terrifying to the confcience, to bcdeflitute of religion, that they are in eminent danger of taking up with any appearances of grace, rather than to live under the fear and difgrace of an unregenerate flate.
Lord's Day, January 19. — Difcourfcd to my peo- ple from Ifaiah Iv. 7. Towards night catechized in my ordinary method. And this appeared to be a powerful feafon of grace among us. Numbers were much affed:ed. Convidlions powerfully reviv- ed. Divers of the chriftians refreQied and flrength- ened. And one weary heavy laden foul, I have abund- ant reafon to hope, brought to true reft and folid comfort in Cbrifl, who afterwards gave me fuch an account of God*s dealing with his foul as was abund- antly fatisfying as well as refrefliing to me.
He told me, he had often heard me fay, that per- fons mufl fee and feel themfelves utterly helplefs and undone, that they mufl be emptied of a depend- ence upon themfelves, andof allhopcoffaving them- felves by their own doings in order to their coming to Chrifl for falvation. And he had long been driv- ing after this view of things ; fuppofing this would
be
Among the INDIANS. 43
be an excellent frame of mind to be thus emptied of a dependence upon his own goodnefs : That God would have refpe6l to this frame ; would then be well pleafed with him, and beftow eternal life upon him. But when he came to feel himfelf in this helplefs undone condition, he found it quite contra- ry to all his thoughts and expediations j fo that it was not the fame nor indeed any thing like the frame he had been feeking after. Inftead of its be- ing a good frame of mind, he now found nothing but badnefs in himfelf, and faw it was forever im- poflible for him to make himfelf any better. He wondered, he faid, that he had ever hoped to mend his own heart. He was amazed he had never be- fore feen it was utterly impoffible for him, by all his contrivances and endeavours, t© do any thing that way, fince the matter now appeared to him in fo clear a light.
Inflead of imagining now, that God would be pleafed with him for the fake of this frame of mind, and this view of his undone eftate, he faw clearly, and felt it would be juft with God to fend him to eternal mifery ; and that there was no goodnefs in what he then felt ; for he could not help feeing, that he was naked, finful and miferable, and there was nothing in fuch a fight to deferve God's love or pity.
He faw thefe things in a manner fo clear and con- vincing, that it feemed* to him, he faid, he could convince every body of their utter inability ever to help themfelves, and their unworthinefs of any help from God.
In this frame of mind became topublick worfliip, this evening, and while -I was inviting finners to come to Chrift naked and empty, without any good- nefs of their own to recommend them to his accept- ance; then he thought with himfelf, that he had oft- A a 3 en
44 DIVINE GRACE displayed
en tried to come and give up his heart to Chrift, and he ufed to hope that fome time or other he fhould be able to do fo. But now he was convinced he could not, and it feemed utterly vain for him ever to try any more : And he could not, he faid, find a heart to make any further attempt, becaufe he faw it would fignify nothing at all : Nor did he now hope for abetter opportunity, or more ability hereaf- ter, as he had formerly done, becaufe he faw, and was fully convinced, hisown ftrength would forever fail.
While he was muling in this manner, he faw, he faid, with his heart (which is a common phrafe among them) fomething that was unfpeakably good and lovely, and what he had never feen before; and this ftole away his heart whether he would or no. He did not, he faid, know what it was he faw. He did not fay, this is Jefus Chrift, but it was fuch glory and beauty, as he never faw before. He did not now give away his heart fo as he had formerly intended and attempted to do, but it went away of itfelf after that glory he then difcovered. He ufed to try to make a bargain with Chrift, to give up his heart to him, that he might have eternal life for it. But now he thought nothing about himfeU, or what would become of him hereafter. But was pleafed, and his mind was wholly taken up with the unfpeak- able excellency of what he then beheld.
After fome time he was wonderfully pi eafcd with the way of flilvation by Chrift ; fo that it feemed unfpeakably better to be laved altogether by the mere free grace of God in Chrift, than to have any hand in faving himfelf. And the confequence of^ this exercife is, that he appears to retain a ienfe and relifh of divine things, and to maintain a life of ferioufnefs and true religion.
February 8. — Spent a-confiderable part of the day in viliting my people from houfe tohoufe, and con-
. verling:
Among the INDIANS. 45
verfing with them about their fouls* concerns. Di- vers perfons wept while I difcourfed to them, and appeared concerned for nothing fo much as for an intereft in the great Redeemer.
Lord's Day, February 9. — Difcourfed to my peo- ple from the ftory of the blind man, Matth. x. 46.— 52. The word of God feemed weighty and powerful upon the affembly at this time, and made confidera- ble impreflions upon many. Divers in particular who have generally been remarkably ftupid and care- lefs .under the means of grace, were now awakened, and wept affe(5tionately. And the moft earncft at- tention, as well as tendernefs and affe(5lion, appeared in»the audience univerfally.
Baptized three perfons, two adults and one child. The adults, I have reafon to hope, were both truly pious. There was a copfiderable melt- ing in the aflembly, while I was difcouriing partic- uliarly to the perfons, and adminiftering the or- dinance.
March i. — Catechifed in my ordinary metliod. Was pleafed and refrcfhed to fee them anfvver the queftions propofed to them, with fuch reinarkable readinefs, diibretion and knowledge. ^
Towards the clofe of my difcourfe, divine truths made confiderable impreirions upon the audience, and produced tears and fobs in fome under concern ; and more efpecially a fvveet and humble melting in fundry that, I have reafon to hope, were truly gracious.
Lord's Day, March 2. — Preached from John xv. I. — 6. The aifembly appeared not fo lively in their attention as ufual, nor fo much affc(5led with divine truths in general as has been common.
Some of my people who went up to the Forks of Delaware with me, being now returned, were ac- companied by two of the Indians belonging xo the A a 4 Forks, ■
46 DIVINE GRACE displayed
Forks, who had promifed me a fpeedy vifit. May the Lord meet with them here. They can fcarce go into a houfe now, but they will meet with chriflian converfation, whereby, it is hopeful, they may be both inftru(5led and awakened.
Difcourfed to the Indians again in the afternoon, and obferved among them fome livelinefs and en- gagement in divine fervice, though not equal to what has often appeared here.
I know of no aifembly of chriftians, where there feems to be fo much of the prefence of God, where brotherly love fo much prevails, and where I fhould take fo much delight in the publick worfhip of God, in the general, as in my own congregation. Although not more than nine months ago, they were worfhip- ping devils and dumb idols, under the power of pa- gan darknefs and fuperftition I Amazing change this ! efFe(51:ed by nothing lefs than divine power and grace ! This is the doing of the Lord, and it is juftly marvellous in our eyes !
Lord's Day^ March 9. — Preached from Luke x. 38. — 4r%' The word of God was attended with pow- er and energy upon the audience. Numbers were affedted and concerned to obtain the one thing need- ful. And fundry that have given good evidences of their being truly gracious, were much affed:ed with a fenfe of their want of fpirituality ; and faw the need they flood in of growing in grace. And moft that had been under any impreffions of divine things in times pad:, feemed now to have thofc imprelfions revived.
In the afternoon propofed to have catechizeiJ in my ufual method. But while we were engaged in the firfl prayer in the Indian language, as ufual, a great part of the aflembly was fo much moved and afFed:ed with divine things, that I thought it feaion- ^ble 4nd proper to omit the propofing of quelfion^
for
Among the INDIANS. 47
for that time, and infift upon the moft pra(3:ical truths. And accordingly did {o : Making a further improve- ment of the palliige of fcripture I difcourfed upon jn the former part of the day.
There appeared to be a powerful divine influence in the congregation. Sundry that I have realbn to think are truly pious, were fo deeply affecfted with a fenfe of their own barrennefs, and their unworthy treatment of the bleffed Redeemer, that they /oohd on him as pierced hy themfelves, and mou?'/ied, yea fome of them were in bitter?jej's as for ajirjl born. Some poor awakened finners alfo appeared to be in anguilh of foul to obtain an intereil in Chrilf. So that there was a great mourning in the affembly ; Many heavy groans, fobs and tears ! And one or two perfons newly come among us, were confidera- bly awakened.
Methinks it would have refrefhed the heart of any who truly love Zion's intereft, to have been in the midfl of this divine influence, and feen the efR:cls of it upon faints and finners. The place of divine wor- fliip appeared both iblemn and fweet ! And was fo endeared by a difplay of the divine prefence and grace, that thofe who had any relifh of divine things, could not but cry, How amiable arc thy tab- ernacles^ O Lord of Ho /Is !
After publick worlhip was over, numbers came to my houfe, where we fang and difcourfed of di- vine things J and the prefence of God leemed here alfo to be in the midft of us.
While we were finging there was one woman, who, I may venture to fay, if 1 may be allowed to fay fo much of any perfon I ever faw, was filled with joy unfpcaJiable and full of glory, and could not but. burft forth in prayer and praifes to God before us all, with many tears, crying, Ibmetimes in En- glifh and fometimcs in Indian, O blvfled Lord, do
come,
48 DIVINE GRACE displayed
come, do come ! O do take me away, do let me die and go to Jefus Chrift ! lam afraid if I live 1 Oiall iin again ! O do let me die now ! O dear Jefus, do come ! I cannot ilay, I cannot ftay ! O how can I live in this world ! Do take my foul away from this linful place ! O let me never fin anymore ! O what ihall I do, what fliall I do ! Dear Jefus, O dear Je- fus, &c. In this ecftafy fhe continued fome time, littering thefe and fuch like expreflions inceffantly. And the grand argument fhe ufed with God to take her away immediately, was, that if fhe lived Ihe ihould fin againfl him.
When file had a little recovered herfelf, I afked her, if Chriil was not now fweet to her foul : Where- upon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, and with all the tokens of deep humility I ever faw in any per- fon, fhe faid, I have many times heard you fpeak of the goodnefs and the fweetnefs of Chrift, that he was better than all the world. But O ! 1 knew noth- ing what you meant, I never believed you ! I never believed 5^ou; but now I know it is true. Or words to that effed:. I anfwered, And do you fee enough in Chrifl for the greateftof finners ? She replied, O, enough, enough for all the finners in the world if they would but come. And when I afls.ed her, if Ihe could not tell them of the goodnefs of Chriil ; turning herfelf about to fome poor chriftlefs feuls ■who ftood by, and were much affedted, fhe faid, O, there is enough in Chrifl for you, if you would but come ! O ftrive, llrive to give up your hearts to him , &c. And upon hearing fomething of the glory of heaven mentioned, that there was no fin in that ■world, &c. fhe again fell into the fame ecftafy of joy, and defire of Chrift*s coming ; repeating her former exprellions, O dear Lord, do let me go ! O "what Ihall I do, what Ihall I do ! I want to go to Chrifl ! I cannot live ! O do let me die, &c.
She
Among the INDIANS. 49
She continued in this fweet frame for more than two hours, before (he was well able to get home.
I am very fen fible there may be great joys, arifing even to an ecftafy, where there is ifill no fubftantial evidence of their being well grounded. But in the prefent cafe there feemed to be no evidence wanting in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in re- gard of its preparatives, attendants, or confequents.
Of all the perfons I have feen under fpiritual ex- ercife, I fcarce ever faw one appear more bowed and broken under convidions of fin and mifery, (or what is ufually called a preparatory work,) thart'this woman. Nor fcarce any who feemed to have a greater acquaintance with her own heart than (he had. She would frequently complain to me of the hardnefs and rebellion of her heart. Would tell me her heart rofe and quarrelled with God, when fhe thought he would do with her as he pleafed, and fend her to hell, notwithftanfling her prayers, good frames, &c. That her heart was not willing to come to Chrifl for falvation, but tried every where elfe for help.
And as (he feemed to be remarkably fenfible of her ftubbornnefs and contrariety to God, under con- vi<5tion, fo Ihe appeared to be no lefs remarkably bowed and reconciled to divine fovereignty before fhe obtained any reliefer comfort. Something of which I have before noticed in my Journal of Febru- ary 9. Since which time flie has leemed conifantly to breath the fpirit and temper of the new creature ; crying after Chrifl:, not through fear of hell as be- fore, but with flrong defires after him as her only fatisfying portion. And has many timc.'^ wept and fobbed bitterly, becaufe (as (lie apprehended) Ihe did not and could not love him. When I have fometimes aflved her, why Ihe appeared fo forrowful, and whether it was becaufe flic was afraid of hell ; flie
would
so D I V I N E G R A C E displayed
would anfwcr, No, I ben't diflreffed about that j but my heart is Co wicked I cannot love Chrifl: ; and thereupon burft out into tears. But although this has been the habitual frame of her mind for feveral weeks together, fo that the exercife of grace appear- ed evident to others, yet fhe feemed wholly infenfi- ble of it herfelf, and never had any remarkable com- fort, and fenfible fatisfadtion until this evening.
This fweet and furprifing ecftafy, appeared to fpring from a true fpiritual difcovcry of the glory, ravifhing beauty and excellency of Chrifl: : And not from any grofs imaginary notions of his human na- ture ; fuch as that of feeing him in fuch a place or pofture, as hanging on the crofs, as bleeding, dying, as gently fmiling, and the like ; which delufions fome have been carried away with. Nor did it rife from a fordid felfifh apprehenlion of her having any benefit whatfoever conferred on her, but from a view of his pcrfonal excellency, and tranfcendent lovelinefs, which drew forth thofe vehement defires of enjoying him fhe now manifefled, and made her long io be abfent from the body, that flje tnight be pre f- ent with the Lord.
The attendants of this ravifliing comfort, were fuch as abundantly difcovered its Ipring to be di- vine, and that it was truly a joy in the Holy Ghoji. Now fhe viewed divine truths as living realities ; and could fay, I know thefe thing are fo, I feel they. are true ! Now her foul was refigned to the divine will in the mofl tender points ; fo that when I faid to her. What if God fliould take away )^our* huf- band from you, (who was then very fick) how do you think you could bear that ? She replied, He be- longs to God, and not me; he may do with him juft what he pleafes ! Now fhe had the mofl tender fenfe of the evil of fin, and difcovered the utmofl aver/ion
to
* The n:aj: part;cukr)y mentioned iu my J'..n;;nal of January 19.
Among -the INDIANS. ^I
to it ; longing to die that flie might be delivered from it. Now fhe could freely truft her all with God for time and eternity. And when I queried with her, how fhe could be willing to die and leave her little infant, and what fhe thought would become of it in cafe fhe fliould ; fhe anfwered, God will take care of it. It belongs to him, he will take care of it.
Now fhe appeared to have the moft humbling fenfe of her own meannefs and unworthinefs, her weaknefs and inability to preferve herfelf from fin, and to perfevere in the way of holinefs, crying, If I live I fliall fin. And I then thought I had never feen fucb an appearance of ecflafy and humility meeting in any one perfon in all my life before.
The conlequents of this joy are no lefs defirable and Satisfactory than its attendants. She lince ap- pears to be a moft tender, broken hearted, affedion- ate, devout, and humble chriftian, as exemplary in life and converfation as any perfon in my congrega- tion. May fhe ftill grow in grace and in the knoirl- edge ofChriJi,
March 10. — Toward night the Indians "met to- gether of their own accord and fang, prayed, and difcourfed of divine things among themfelves. At which time there was much affe^flion among them. Some, who are hopefully gracious, appeared to be melted with divine things. And (bme others feem- ed much concerned for their fouls. Perceiving their engagement, and affed:ion in religious exercifes, I went among them, and prayed and gave a worxi of exhortation ; and obferved two or three fomewhat affedted and concerned, who fcarce ever appeared to be under any religious imprefTions before. \i feem- ed to be a day and evening of divine power. Num- bers retained the warm. im.prefFions of divine thtngs that had been made upon their minds the day before,
March
53 DIVINE GRACE displayed
March :/\.. — Was vifited by a confiderable number of my people, and fpent fome time in religious ex- ercifes with them.
March 24. — Numbered the Indians, to fee how many fouls God had gathered together here, fmce my coming into thefe parts, and found there was now about an hundred and thirty perfons together, old and young. Sundry of thofe that are my flated hearers, perhaps to the number of fifteen or twenty, were abfent at this feafon. So that if all had been together, the number would now have been very confiderable ; efpecially confidering how few were together at my firft coming into thefe parts, the whole number not amounting to ten perfons at that time.
My people going out this day upon the defign of clearing fome of their lands above fifteen miles dif- taht from this fettlement, in order to their fettling there in a compa<^t form, where they might be un- der advantages of attending the publick worfhip of God, of having their children fchooled, and at the fame time have a conveniency for planting, &c. their land in the place of our prefent refidence be- ing of little or no value for that purpofe. And the defign of their fettling thus in a body, and cultivat- ing their lands, (which they have done very little at in their pagan flate) being of fuch necefiity and im- portance to their religious interefl, as well as world- ly comfort, I though.t it proper to call them togeth- er, and fliew them the duty of labouring with faith- fulnefs and induftry ; and that they mufl not nov/ be Jlothful in biifinefs^ as they had ever been, in their pagan flate. And endeavoured to prefs the impor- tance of their being laborious, diligent and vigorous in the profecution of their bufinefs, efpecially at the prefent juncfture, (the feafon of planting being now near) in order to their being in a capacity of living
together,
Among the INDIANS. 53
together, and enjoying the means of grace and in- flruition. And having given them directions for their work (which they very much wanted) as well as for their behaviour in divers refpeds, I explained, fang, and endeavoured to inculcate upon them., Pfalm cxxviith, common metre, Dr. Watts's ver- fion. And having recommended them, and the de- iign of their going forth, to God, by prayer with them, I difmilTed them to their bufinefs.
In the evening read and expounded to my people, (thofe of them who were yet at home, and the ftrangers newly come,) the fubftance of the third chapter of the Ad:s. Numbers feemed to m.elt un- der the word, efpeciaily while I was difcourfing up- on verfe 19. Sundry of the llrangers alfo were af- fedled. When I afked them afterwards, whether they did not now feel that their hearts were wicked, as 1 had taught them ; one replied, Yes, flie felt it now. Although before the came here (upon hear- ing that I taught the Indians their hearts were all bad by nature, and needed to be changed and made good by the power of God) fhe had faid, her heart was not wicked, and fhe never had done any thing that was bad in her life. And this indeed feems to be the cafe with them, I think univerfally, in their pagan ftate.
They feem to have no confcioufnefs of fin and guilt, unlefs they can charge themielves with fome grofs a6ls of lin contrary to the commands of the i'econd table.
March 29. — In the evening catechifed as ufual upon Saturday. Treated upon the benefits which believers receive from Chrifi at death . The queflions were anfwered with great re'adinefs and propriety. And thole who I have reafon to think, are the dear people of God, were fweetly melted almoll in gen- eral. There appeared fuch a livelinefs and vigour
in
^4 DIVINE GRACE displayed
in their attendance upon the word of God, and fuch eagernefs to be made partakers of the benefits thert mentioned, that they feemed to be not only looking for^ but hajiening to the coming of the day of God. Di- vine truths feemed to diftil upon the audience with a gentle, but melting efficacy, as the refrefhing fliowers upon the new mown grafs. The affembly in general, as well as thofe who appear truly relig- ious, were affedted with fome brief account of the bleflednefs of the godly at death : And moft then difcovered an affed:ionate inclination to cry, hct me die the death of the righteous^ &c. Although many were not duly engaged toi obtain the change of heart that is neceffary in order to that bleffed end.
March 31. — Called my people together, as I had done the Monday morning before, and difcourfed to them again on the neceflity and importance of their labouring induftrioufly, in order to their living together and enjoying the means of grace, &c. And having engaged in folemn prayer to God among them, for a blefling upon their attempts, Idifmiffed them to their work.
Numbers of them, both men and women, feemed to offer themfelves willingly to this fervice j and fome appeared affedlionately concerned that God might go with them, and begin their little town for them ; that by his bleffing it might be a place com- fortable for them and theirs, in regard both of pro- curing the necelTaries of life, and of attending the worfhip of God.
After publick worfliip, a number of thofe I have reafon to think are truly religious, came to my houfe and feemed eager of fome further entertainment upon divine things. And while I was converfing with them about their fpiritual exercii'es, obferving to them, that God's work in the hearts of all his chil- dren, was, for fubftance, the fame % and that their
trials
Among the INDIANS. $^
trials and temptations were alfo alike ; and fliew- ing the obligations fuch were under to love one another in a peculiar manner, they fcemed to be melted into tendernefs and affection to- ward each other : And I thought that particular token of their being the difciples of Chrift, viz. of their having love one toward another^ had fcarce ever appeared more evident than at this time.
April 25. — Having of late apprehended that a number of perfons in my congregation, were prop- er fubjedis of the ordinance of the Lord's fupper, and that it might be feafonable fpeedily to adminif- ter it to them : And having taken advice of fome of the reverend Correfpondents in this folemn affair; and accordingly having propofed and appointed the next Lord*s Day, with the leave of Divine Providence, for the adminiftrationof this ordinance, this day, as preparatory thereto, was fet apart for folemn fafting and prayer, to implore the bleffing of God upon our deiign of renewing covenant with him, and with one another, to walk together in the fear of God, in love and chriftian fellowfhip ; and to entreat that his divine prefence might be with us in ourdefigned approach to his table ; as well as to humble our- felves before God on account of the apparent with- drawment, (at leaft in a mcafure,) of that bleffed in- fluence that has been fo prevalent upon perfons of all ages among us : As alfo on account of the rifing appearance of careleflnefs, vanity and vice among fome, who, fometime fince, appeared to be touched and affed:ed with divine truths, and brought to fome fcnfibility of their miferable and perifliing ftate by nature. And that wc might alfo importunately pray for the peaceable fettlement of the Indians together in a body, that they might be a commodious con- gregation for the worfhip of God ; and that God B b would
56 DIVINE GRACE displayed
would blaft and defeat all the attempts that were or might be made agamft that pious dcfign*.
The folemnity was obferved and ferioufly attend- ed, not only by thofewho propofed to communicate at the Lord's table, but by the whole congregation univerfally. In the former part of the day, I en- deavoured to open to my people the nature and de- fign of a faft, as I had attempted more briefly to do before, and to inftrudt them in the duties of fuch a folemnity. In the afternoon, I infifted upon the fpecial reafons there were for our engaging in thefe folemn exercifes at this time ; both in regard of the reed we flood in of divine affiftance, in order to a due preparation for that facred ordinance we were fomeofus propofing (with the leave of Divine Prov- idence) fpeedily to attend upon : And alfo in refpe(5t of the manifefl decline of God's work here, as to the effectual conviction and converfion of finners, there having been few of late deeply awakened out of a ftate of fecurity.
The worfhip of God was attended with great fo- lemnity and reverence, with much tendernefs and many tears, by thofe who appear to be truly relig- ious : And there was fome appearance of divine power upon thofe who had been awakened fome time before, and who were flill under concern.
After repeated prayer and attendance upon the word of God, I propofed to the religious people, with as much brevity and plainnefs as I could, the fubftance of the do(5trine of the chriftian faith, as I had formerly done, previous to their baptifm, and had their renewed cheerful aflent to it. I then led
them
* There being at this time a terrible clamour raifed againft the Indians in various places in the country, and infinuations as though I was training •Juni up to cut peo- ple's throats. Numbers wifhing to have them banilhed out of thefe parts, and fome giving out gieat words m order to fright and deter tlieni from fettling upon the bcfl and moil convenient iraft of their own lands, threatening to molclt and trouble them in the law, pretending a datra to thefc lands thcrafclvcs, although never pur- chafed of the Indians.
Among the INDIANS. 57
them to a folemh renewal of their baptifmal cove- nant, wherein they had explicitly and publickly given up themfelves to God, the Father, Son and Holy Ghoft, avouching him to be their God ; and at the fame time renouncing their heathenifh vani- ties, their idolatrous and fuperftitious practices, and folemnly engaging to take the word of God, fo far as it was, or might be made known to them, for the rule of their lives, promifing to walk together in love, to watch over themfelves, and one another; to lead lives of ferioufnefs and devotion, and to dif- charge the relative duties incumbent upon them re- fpediively, &c.
This Iblemn tranfa(flion was attended with much gravity and ferioufnefs : And at the fame time with utmoft roadinefs, freedom, and cheerfulnefs ; and a religious union and harmony of foul, feemed to crown the whole folemnity* I coujd not but think in the evening, that there had been manifeft tokens of the divine prefcnce with, us in all the feveral fer- viccs of the day ; though it was alfo m.anifeft there was not that concern among chriftlefs fouls that has often appeared here.
April 26. — Toward noon prayed with a dying child, and gave a word of exhortation tothebyftand- ers to prepare for death, which feemed to take effect upon fome.
In the afternoon difcourfed to my people from Matth. xxvi. 26. — 30. of the author, the nature and defign of the Lord's fupper ; and endeavoured to point out the worthy receivers of that ordinance.
The religious people were affected and even melt- ed with divine truths, with a view of the dying love ofChrift. Sundry others who had been for fome months under convidiions of their perifliing ftatc appeared now to be much moved with concern, and afrefh engaged in feeking after an intereft in Chrifti B b :2 although
58 DIVINE GRACE displayed
although I cannot fay the word of God appeared fo quick and powerful, fo fharp and piercing to the af- fembly, as it had fometimes formerly done.
Lord's Day, y^/)r// 27.— Preached from Tit. ii. 14. Wh'ogave himfelf for us, &c. The word of God at this time was attended with fome appearance of di- vine power upon the alTembly j fo that the attention and gravity of the audience was remarkable ; and efpecially towards the conclufion of the exercife, di- vers perfons were much afFedled.
Adminiftered the facrament of the Lord's fupper to twenty three perfons of the Indians, (the number of men and women being nearly equal ) divers others, to the number of five or fix, being now abfent at the Forks of Delaware, who would otherwife have com- municated with us.
The ordinance was attended with great folemnity, and with a moil defirable tendernefs and affedlion. And it was remarkable that in the feafon of the per- formance of the facramental a(5lions, efpecially in the diftribution of the bread, they feemed to be af- fedled in a moft lively manner, as if Chrifi: had been really crucified before them. And the words of the inftitution when repeated and enlarged upon in the feafon of the adminiftration, feemed to meet with the fame reception, to be entertained with the fame full and firm belief and aflFed:ionate engagement of foul, as if the Lord Jefus Chrift himfelf had been prefent, and had perlonally fpoken to them.
The aflPcdiions of the communicants, although confiderably raifed, were notwithflandingagreeably regulated, and kept within proper bounds. So that there was a fweet, gentle and affectionate melting, vi^ithout any indecent or boifterous commotion of the paffions.
Having refi:ed fome time after the adminiftration of the facrament, (being extremely tired with the
ncccifary
Among the INDIANS, 59
neccfTary prolixity of the work,) I walked from houfe to houfe, and converfed particularly with moft of the communicants, and found they had been al- moft univerfally refrelhed at the Lord's table, as with new wine. And never did I fee fuch an ap- pearance of chriftian love among any people in all my life. It was fo remarkable, that one might well have cried with an agreeable furprife. Behold how they love one another ! I think there could be no greater tokens of mutual afFediion among the people of God in the early days of chriftianity, than what now appeared here. The fight was fo defirable, and fo well becoming the gofpel, that nothing lefs could be faid of it, than that it was the doing of the Lordt the genuine operations of him who is love !
Toward night difeourfed again on the foremen- tioned Titfii. 14. and infifted on the immediate end and defign of Chrift's death, viz. ^hat be might re- deem his people from all iniquity ^ &c.
This appeared to be a feafon of divine power among us. The religious people were much re- frefhed, and feemed remarkably tender and affedtion- ate, full of love, joy, peace, and defires of being com- pletely redeemed from all iniquity ; fo that ibme of them afterwards told me, they had never felt the like before. Convidtions alfo appeared to be reviv- ed in many infiances ; and divers perfons were awak- ened whom I had never obferved under any religious impreflions before.
Such was the influence that attended our aflcmbly, and fo unfpeakably defirable the frame of mind that many enjoyed in the divine fervice, that it feemed al- mofi: grievous to conclude the publick worlhip. And the congregation, when difmifled, although it was then almoll dark, appeared loth to leaVe the place and employments that had been rendered (o dear to
B b 3 them
6o D I V I N E G R A C E displayed
them by the benefits enjoyed, while ablefled quick- ening influence diftilled upon them.
And upon the whole, I muft fay, I had great fat- isfacSion with relation to the adminiftration of this ordinance in divers refpedts. I have abundant rea- fon to think, that thofe who came to the Lord's ta- ble, had a good degree of dodlrinal knbwi^ge of the nature and defign of the ordinance ; and that they ad:ed underftandingly in what they did.
In the preparatory fervices 1 found (1 may juftly fay) uncommon freedom in opening to their under- ftandings and capacities, the covenant of grace, and ,in fhewing them the nature of this ordinance as a feal of that covenant : Although many of them knew of no fuch thing as a feal before my coming among them, or at leafl: of the uCe and defign of it in the common affairs of life. They were likewife thoroughly fenfible that it was no more4han a feal or fign, and not the real body and blood of Chrill. That it was defigned for the refreflimentand edifica- tion of the foul, and not for the feafling of the body. They were alfo acquainted with the end of the ordi- nance, that they were therein called to commemo- rate the dying love of Chrifl, &c.
And this competency of dod:rinal knowledge, to- gether with their grave and decent attendance upon the ordinance j their affectionate melting under it ; and the fweet and chriflian frame of mind they dif- covered confequent upon it, gave me great ftitisfac- tion refpecSUng my adminiftration of it to them.
And O what a fweet and blefTed feafon was this 1 God himfelf, I am perfuaded, was in the midfl of his people, attending his own ordinances : And I doubt not but many, in the conclufion of the day, could fay with their whole hearts, Verify, a d^^y thus /pent in God's hoiife^ is better than a thoiifand elfe- where. There feemed. to be but one heart among
the
Among the INDIANS. 6i
the pious people ! The fvveet union, harmony, and endearing love and tendernefs fubfifting among them, was, I thought, the mofl lively emblem of the heav- enly world, I had ever feen.
April 2^. — Concluded the facramental folemnity with a difcourfe upon John xiv. 15. If ye love mcy keep my commandments. At which time there ap- peared a very agreeable tendernefs in the audience in general, but efpecially in the communicants. O how free, how engaged and afFcd:ionate did thefe appear in the fervice of God : They feemed willing to have their ears bored to the door pojls of God* s boufe^ and to be his fervants forever.
Obferving numbers in this excellent frame, and the affembly in general affedled, and that by a divine influence, I thought it proper to improve this advan- tageous feafon, as Hezekiah did the delirable feafon of his great palfover, 2 Chron xxxi. in order to pro- mote thebleffed reformation begun amongthem ; and to engage thofe that appeared ferious and religious, to perfevere therein ; and accordingly propofed to them, that they fhould renevvcdly enter into cove- nant before God, that they would watch over them- felves and one another, left they flioiild diflionour the name of Chrift by falling into finful and unbe- coming pracfllces. And efpecially that they would watch againft the fin of drunkcnnefs, thp fin that ca- Jily befets them^ and the temptations leading thereto ; as well as the appearance of evil in that rcfpedl. They cheerfully complied with the propofal, and explicitly joined in that covenant. Whereupon I proceeded in the moft folemn manner I was capable of, to call God to witnefs refpedting their facred en- gagement ; and minded them of the grcatnefs of the guilt they would contradl to themfelves in the viola- tion of it ; as well as obierved to them, that God would be a terrible witnefs againft thofe who fliould B b4 pre fume
62 DIVINE GRACE displayed
pre fume to do fo, in the great and notable day of the Lord.
It was a feafon of amazing folemnity ! And a divine awe appeared upon the face of the whole af- femblyin this tranfacflion ! AfiPediionate fobs, iighs and tears were now frequent in the audience : And I doubt not but that many filent cries were then fent up to the Fountain of grace, for fupphes of grace fuffi- cientfor the fulfilment of theie folemn engagements.
Baptized fix children this day.
Lord*s Day, May 4. — My people being now re- moved to their lands, mentioned in my Journal of March 24, where they were then, and have fince been making provifion for a compadl fettlement, in order to their more convenient enjoyment of tke gof- pel, and other means of inftrudtion, as well as the comforts of life :I this dayvifited them (being now obliged to board with an Englifh family at fome dif- tance from them,) and preached to them in the fore- noon from Markiv. 5. Endeavoured tofliew them the reafon there was to fear left many promifing ap- pearances and hopeful beginnings in religion, might prove abortive, like tht feed dropped uponjlony places.
May 9. — Preached from John v. 40. in the open wildernefs ; the Indians having as yet no houfe for publick worfliipin this place, nor fcarce any Ihelters for thernfelves. Divine truths madeconfiderable im- preflions upon the audience, and it was a leafon of folemnity, tendernefs, and affec^lion.
May 19. — Vifited and preaclied to my people from Adls xx. 18. 19. And endeavoured to rc6:ify their notions about religious affed:ions : Shewing them on the one hand, the defirablenefs of religious affedtion, tendernefs and fervent engagement in the worfhip and fervice of God, when Inch affcdiion flows from a true fpiritual difcovery of divine glo- jries ; from a juftly affeding fenfe of the tranlccndcnt
excellency
Among THE INDIANS. 63
excellency and perfedions of the blelTed God ; a view of the glory and lovelinefs of the great Re- deemer : And that fuch views of divine things, will naturally excite us ioferve the Lordwith many tears^ with much afFed:ion and fervency, and yet with all humility of mind. And on the other hand, obferv- ing the finfulnefs of feeking after high affections im- mediately, and for their own fakes, that is, of mak- ing them the obje6t our eye and heart is nextly and principally fet upon, when the glory of God ought to be fo. Shewed them, that if the heart be direct- ly and chiefly fixed on God, and the foul engaged to glorify him, fome degree of religious affediion will be the effecfl: and attendant of it. But to feek after affection, diredtly and chiefly to have the heart principally fet upon that, is to place it in the room of God and his glory. If it be fought that others may take notice of and admire us for our fpirituality and forwardnefs in religion, it is then abominable pride : If for the fake of feeling the pleafure of be- ing affedled, it is then idolatry and felf gratificatioHo Laboured alfo to expofe the difagreeablenefs of thofe affedtions that are fometimes wrought up in perfons by the power of fancy and their own attempts for that purpofe, while I flill endeavoured to recommend to them that religious affection, fervency and devotion, which ought to attend all our religious exercifes, and without which religion will be but an empty name and lifelefs carcafs.
Lord's Day, Ju?7e 1, 1746. — Preached both fore- noon and afternoon from Matth. xi. 27. 28. Thepref- ence of God feemed to be in the aflTembly, and num- bers were confiderably melted and afi'efted under divine truths. There was a defirable appearance in the congregation in general, an earnefl: attention and agreeable tendernefs, and it feemed as if God (Jefigned to vifit us with further Ihowers oi^ divine
grace.
64 DIVINE GRACE displayed.
grace. I then baptized ten perfons, five adults and five children, and was not a little refrefhed with this addition made to the church.offuchas (I hope) Jha/ISe faved.
June 6. — Difcourfed to my people from part of Ifaiah liii. The divine prefence appeared to be amongftus in fome meafure. Divers perfons were much melted and refrefhed ; and one man in partic- ular, who had long been under concern for his foul, ■was now brought to fee and feel in a very lively manner, the impofTibility of doing any thing to help himfclf, or to bring him into the favour of God, by bis tears, prayers and other religious performances, and found himfelf undone as to any power or good- nefs of his own, and that there was no way left him, but to leave himfelf with God to be difpofed of as he pleafed.
June 7. — Being defired by the Rev. Mr. William Tennent to be his afliftant in the adminiftration of the Lord's fupper : My people alfo being invited to attend the facramental folemnity, they cheerfully embraced the opportunity, and this day attended the preparatory fervices with me.
Lord's Dajfy June 8. — Moft of my people, who had been communicants at the Lord's table before, being prefentat this facramental occafion, communi- cated, with others, in this holy ordinance, at the defire, and, I truft, to the fatisfadion and comfort of numbers of God's people, who had longed to fee this day, and whofe hearts had rejoiced in this work of grace among the Indians, which prepared the way for what appeared fo agreeable at this rime.
June 9. — A confiderable number of my people met together early in the day, in a retired place in the woods, and prayed, fang and converfed of di- vine things, and were kew by fome religious per- fons of the white people, to be affected and engaged,
and
GENERAL REMARKS. 65
and divers of them in tears in thefe religious exer- cifes.
'June 19. — Vifited my people with two of the reverend Correfpondents. Spent fome time in con- verfation with fome of them upon fpiritual things ^ and took fome care of their worldly concerns.
This day makes up a complete year from the firft time of my preaching to thefe Indians in Nevv-Jer- iey. What amazing things has God wrought in this fpace of time for thefe poor people ! What a fur- prifing change appears in their tempers and behavi- our ! How are morofe and favage pagans, in this fhort fpace of time, transformed into agreeable, af- fedlionate and humble chriftians ! And their drunk- en and pagan bowlings, turned into devout and fervent prayers and praifes to God ! They who were -fometimes darknefs, are nozv become light in the Lorio May they walk as children of the light and of the day. And now to him that is of power to Jlajbliflj them aC' cording to the gofpel and the preaching of Chriji ; to God only wife, be glory j through Jefus Chriji , forever and ever. Amen.
BEFORE I conclude the prefent Journal, I would make a few general remarks upon what to me ap- pears worthy of notice, relating to the continued work of grace among my people.
It is worthy of remark, thatnumbersof thefe peo- ple are brought to a flrid; compliance with the rules of morality and Ibbricty, and to a confcientious per- formance of the external duties of chriftianity, by tbe internal power and influence of divine truths (tlie peculiar do6trines of grace) upon their minds ; 'without their having thefe moral duties frequent- ly repeated and inculcated upon them, and
the
66 GENERAL REMARKS.
the contrary vices particularly expofed and fpoken againft.
Thofedodlrines which had the moft dired: tenden- cy to humble the fallen creature ; to fhew him the mifery of his natural ftate ; to bring him Mown to the footof fovereign mercy, and to exalt the great Re- deemer, difcoverhis tranfcendent excellency and in- finite precioufnefs, and fo to recommend him to the iinner'5 acceptance, were the fubjed: matter of what WJis delivered in publick and private to them, and from time to time repeated and inculcated upon them.
And God was pleafed to give thefe divine truths fuch a powerful influence upon the minds of thefe people, and fo to blefs them for the effedlual awak- ening of numbers of them, that their lives were quickly reformed, without my infifting upon the precepts of morality, and fpending time in repeated harangues upon external duties.
When thefe truths were felt at heart, there was now no vice unreformed ; no external duty ncgledl- cd. Drunkennefs, the darling vice, was broken off from, and fcarce an inftance of it known among my hearers for months together. The abufive pradice of hufbands and wives in putting away each other, and taking others in their Itead, was quickly reform- ed : So that there are three or four couple who have voluntarily difmiiTed thofe they had wrongfully tak- en, and now live together again in love and peace. The fame might be faid of all other vicious prac- tices. The reformation was general ; and all fpfing- ing from the internal influence of divine truths upon their hearts ; and not from any external re- flraints, or becaufe they had heard thefe vices partic- ularly expofed, and repeatedly fpoken againft ; For fome of them I never fo much as mentioned ; par- ticularly that of the parting of men and their wives, until fome, having their confcicnce awakened by
God's
GENERAL REMARKS. 67
GglVs word, came, and of their own accord confefT- ed themfelvcs guilty in that refped:.
And as all vice was reformed upon their feelinf^ the power of thcfe truths upon their hearts, fo the external duties of chriftianity were complied with, and confcientioufly performed from the fame inter- nal influence ; family prayer fet up and conftantly maintained, unlefs among fome few more lately come, who had felt little of this divine influence. This duty conftantly performed even in fome fami- lies where there were none but females, and fcarce a prayerkls perion to be found among near a hundred of them. The Lord's Day ferioufly and religioufly obfcrved, and care taken by parents to keep their children orderly upon that ficred day, &c. And this, not becaufe I had driven them to the perform- ance of thefe duties by a frequent inculcating of them, but becaufe they had felt the power of God's word upon their hearts, were made fenfible of their fin and mifery, and thence could not but pray, and comply with every thing they knew was duty, from what they felt within themfelves. When their hearts were touched with a fenfe of their eternal concernments, they could pray with great freedom as vv'ell as fervency, without being at the
1 trouble firft to learn fet forms for that purpofe. And fome of them who were fuddenly awakened at their firft coming among us, were brought to pray and Icry for mercy with utmofl importunity, without ever being intruded in the duty of prayer, or (o much as once dired:ed to a performance of it.
The happy effects of thefe peculiar dodtrines of grace which I have fo much infixed upon with this people, plainly difcover, even to demonftration, that inftead of their opening a door to licentioufnefs (as many vainly imagine, and flanderoufly infinuatcj they have a direcSl contrary tendency : So that a cicfc;
application.
68 GENERAL REMARKS.
application, a fenfe and feeling of them, will have the moft powerful influence towards the renovation and efFedtual reformation both of heart and life.
A view of the blefTed effedt of honeft endeavours to bring home divine truths to the confcience, and duly to affed: the heart with them, has often mind- ed meof thofe words of our Lord, (which 1 have thought might be a proper exhortation for minifters in refpedt of their treating with others, as well as for perfons in general with regard to themfelves) Cleanfe Jirjl the injide of the cup and platter, that the outjide may be clean alfo. Cleanfe, fays he, the in- fide, that the outiidemaybe clean, q. d. The on- ly cffecStual way to have the out fide clean, is, to be- gin with what is within ; and if the fountain be purified, the n:reams will naturally be pure. And moft certain it is, if we can awaken in finners a live- ly fenfe of their inward pollution and depravity ; their need of a change of heart; and fo engage theni io feek after inward cleanfing, their external defile- ment will naturally be cleanfed ; their vicious ways, of courfe, be reformed, and their converfation and behaviour become regular.
Now, although I cannot pretend that the reform- ation among my people, does, in every inftancc, fpring from a faving change of heart, yet I may truly fay, it flows from fome heart affedling view and fenfe of divine truths that all have had in a great- er or lefler degree.
1 do not intend by what I have obferved here, to reprefent the preaching of morality, and prefljng perfons to the external performan-ce of duty, to be altogether unneceflary and ufelefs at any time ; and efpecially at times when there is lefs of divine pow- er attending the means of grace : When for want of internal influences, there is need of external re- ftraints. It is, doubtlcfs, among the things that
ought
GENERAL REMARKS. 69
ought to be done, while others are not to be left undone. But what 1 principally defigned by this remark, was to difcover plain matter of fadt, viz. That the re- formation, the fobriety and external compliance with the rules and duties of chriftianity, appearing among my people, are not the efFcdl of any mere dodtrmal inftrudtion, or merely rational view of the beauty of morality, but from the internal power and influence that divine truths (the foul humbling dodtrines of grace) have had upon their hearts.
It is remarkable alfo that God has fo continued and renewed the Ihowers of his grace here ; fo quickly let up his vilible kingdom among thefe people; and fo fmiled upon them in relation to their acquirement ot knowledge, both divine and human. It is now near a year lince the beginning of this gra- cious outpouring ot the divine Spirit among them : And although it has often feemed to decline and abate for fome fhort fpace of time ("as may be ob- ferved by feveral paflages in my Journal, where I have endeavoured to note things juit as they appeared to me from time to time) yet the fliower has feemed to be renewed, and the work of grace revived again. And as God has continued and renewed the ftiow- ers of his grace among this people for ibme time, fo he has with uncommon quicknefs fet up his vifible kingdom, and gathered himfelf a church in the midfl of them. I have now baptized ibventy feven perfons ; whereof thirty eight are adults, and thirty nine chil- dren ; and all within the fpace of eleven months paft. And it rnufl be noted that I have baptized no adults, but fuch as appeared to have a work of fpecial grace wrought in their hearts : I mean fuch who have had the experience not only of the awakening and liumbling, but (in a judgment of charity) of the renewing and comforting influences of the divine Spirit.
I
70 GENERAL REMARKS.
I likewife adminiftered the Lord*s fupper to a number of perfons, who, I have abundant reafon to think (as I elfewhere obferved) were proper fubjedts of that ordinance, within the fpace of ten months and ten days after my firfl: coming among thefe In- dians in New-Jerfcy. And from the time that, I am informed, fome of them were attending an idol- atrous feaft and facrifice in honour to devils, to the time they fat down at the Lord's table (I trufl:) to the honour of God, was not more than a full year. Surely Chrift*s little flock here, fo fuddenly gather- ed from among pagans, may juflly fay, in the lan- guage of the church of old , The Lord hath done great things for us^ whereof we are glad.
Much of the goodnefs of God has alfo appeared in relation to their acquirement of knowledge, both in religion and in the affairs of common life. There has been a wonderful thirft after chriflian knowledge prevailing among them in general, and an eager de- lire of being infirudled in chriftian dottrines and manners. This has prompted them to afk many pertinent as well as important queftions j the anfwers to which have tended much to enlighten their minds and promote their knowledge in divine things. Many of the doArines I have delivered, they have queried with me about, in order to gain further light and infight into them ; particularly the doc- trine of predeftination. And have from time to time manifefted a good underdanding of them, by the anfwers to the queftions propofed to them in nly chatechetical lectures.
They have likewife queried with me, refpedling a proper method as well as proper m.atter of prayer, and expreflions fuitable to be made ufe of in that religious exercife ; and have taken pains in or- der to the performance of this dury with underftand- ing.
They
GENERAL REMARKS. 71
They have likewife taken pains, and appeared re- markably apt in learning to fing pfalm tunes, and are now able to fing with a good degree of decency in the worfhip of God.
They have alfo acquired a confiderable degree of ufeful knowledge in the affairs of common life : So that they now appear like rational creatures, fit for human fociety, free of that favage roughnefs and brutifh ftupidity,. which rendered them very difagreeable in their pagan flate.
And as they are defirous of inftrudtion, and fur- prifingly apt in the reception of it, fo Divine Provi- dence has fmiled upon them in regard of proper means in order to it. The attempts made for the pro- curement of a fchool among them have been fucceed- ed, and a kind Providence has fent them a fchool- mafler, of whom I may juftly fay, I know of no tnan like minded t who will naturally care for ihtixjlate.
He has generally thirty or thirty five children in his fchool : And when he kept an evening fchool (as he did while the length of the evenings would admit of it) he had fifteen or twenty people, married and fingle. *
The children learn with furprifing readinefs ; fo that their mafter tells me, he never had an Englifh fchool that learned, in general, comparably fo faft. There were not above two in thirty, although fome of them were very fmall, but what learned to know all fhc letters in the alphabet diftindlly, within three days after his entrance upon his bufinefs ; and di- vers in that fpace of time learned to fpell conlidera- bly : And fome of them fince the beginning of Feb- ruary laft (at which time the fchool was fet up) have learned fo much, that they are able to read in a Pfalter or Teflament without fpelling.
They are inlT:ru<5ted twice a week in the reverend aflembly's Ihorter catcchifm, viz. on Wednefda/
C c and
72 GENERAL REMARKS.
and Saturday. And fomeofthcm, fince the latter end of February, (at which time they began) have learned to fay it pretty dicSlindtly by heart confidera- bly more than half through : And moft of them have made fome proficiency in it.
They are Hkewife inftrud:ed in the duty of fe- cret prayer, and moft of them conftantly attend it night and morning, and arc very careful to inform their mafter if they apprehend any of their little fchool mates negledl that religious exercife.
It is worthy to be noted alfo, to the praife of fov- ereign grace, that amidft fo great a work of convic- tion, fo much concern and religious afFecftion, there has been no pravelency, nor indeed any confiderable appearance of falfe religion, (if 1 may fo term it) or heats of imagination, intemperate zeal, and fpiritu- al pride ; which corrupt mixtures too often attend the revival and powerful propagation of religion j and that there have been fo very few inftances of irregular and fcandalous behaviour among thofe who have appeared ferious.
But this work of grace has, in the main, been car- ried on with a furprifing degree of purity, and free- dom from trafh and corrupt mixture. The relig- ious concern that perfons have been under has gen- erally been rational and juft; arifing from a fenfe of their fins and expofednefs to the divine difpleafure on the account of them ; as well as their utter ina- bility to deliver themfelves from the mifery they felt and feared. And if there has been in any in- ftances an appearance of irrational concern and per- turbation of mind, when the fubjedts of it knew not "why, yet there has been no prevalency of any fuch thing ; and indeed I fcarce know of any inftance of that nature at all. And it is very remarkable, that although the concern of many perfons under con- vi(^ions of their perifhing i^ate has been very great
and
GENERAL REMARKS. 73
and prefling, yet I have never feen any thing like defperation attending it in any one inftance. They have had the moft lively fenie of their undonenefs in themfelves ; have been brought to give up all hopes of deliverance frorni themfelves ; and their fpiritual exercifes leading hereto, have been attend- ed with great diftrefs and anguilh of foul : And yet, in the feaibns of the greateft extremity, there has been no appearance of defpair in any of them.
The comfort that perfons have obtained after their diflreffes, has likevvife in general appeared folid, well grounded and fcriptural ; arifing from a fpirit- ual andfupcrnatural illumination of mind, a view of divine things (in a meafure) as they arc, a compla- cency of foul in the divine perfections, and a pecu- liar fatisfadiion in the way of falvation, by free fov- ereign grace in the great Redeemer.
Their 'joys have feemed to rife from a variety of views and confiderations of divine things, although for fubftance the fame. Some, who under convic- tion feemed to have the hardefl ilruggles and heart rifings againft divine fovereignty, have feemed at the firft dawn of their comfort, to rejoice in a pecu- liar manner in that divine perfediion, have been de- lighted to think that themfelves, and all things elfe, were in the hand of God, and that he would dif- pofe of them juft as he pleafed.
Others, who jufl: before their reception of comfort, . have been remarkably opprelTed with a fenfe of their undonenefs and poverty, who have feen themfelves, as it were, falHng down into remedilefs perdition, have been at firft more peculiarly delighted with a view of the frccncfs and riches of divine grace, and the offer of falvation made to periihing fmners 'x^j'/b^ cut mor,ey and ivif bout price.
Some have at firft appeared to rejoice efpecially in the wifdom of God, difcovered in the way of falva-
Qq% tion
74 GENERAL REMARKS.
tion by Chrift ; it then appearing to them a new and living way, a way they had never thought nor had any JLift conception of, until opened to them by the fpecial influence of the Divine Spirit. And fome of them, upon a lively fpiritual view of this way of fal- vation, have wondered at their paft folly in feeking falvation other ways, and have admired that they never faw this way of falvation before, which now appeared fo plain and eafy, as well as excellent, to them.
Others again have had a more general view of the beauty and excellency of Chrift, and have had their fouls delighted with an apprehenfion of his divine glory, as unfpeakably exceeding all they had ever conceived of before : Yet without fingling out (as it were) any one of the divine perfe(fl:ions in particu- lar. So that although their comforts have feemed to a rife from a variety of views and confiderations of divine glories, ftill they were fpiritual and fupernat- ral views of them, and not groundlefs fancies, that were the fpring of their joys and comforts.
Yet it muftbe acknowledged, that when this work became fo univerfal and prevalent, and gained fuch general credit and efteem among the Indians, that Satan feemed to have little ajjdvantage of working againft it in his own proper garb ; he then tranf- formed himfelf into an angel of light, and made fome A'igorous attempts to introdUjCe turbulent commo- tions of the paffions in the room of genuine convic- tions of fin, imaginary and fanciful notions of Chrift, as appearing to the mental eye in a human fhape, and being in fome particular poftures, &c. in the room of fpiritual and fupernatural difcoveries of his divine glory and excellency, as well as divers other delufions. And I have reafon to think, that if thefe things had met with countenance and encourage- ment, there would have beea a very conliderable har-
veft
I
GENERAL REMARKS. 75
veft of this kind of converts here. Spiritual pride alfo difcovered itfelf in various inftances. Some per- fons who had been under great affections, fcemed very defirous from thence of being thought truly- gracious ; who, when I could not but cxprefs to them my fears refpediing their fpiritual ftates, dif- covered their refentments to a confiderable degree upon that occafion. There alfo appeared in one or two of them an unbecoming ambition of being teach- ers of others. So that Satan has been a bufy adver- fary here as well as elfewhere. But bleffed be God, though fomething of this nature has appeared yet nothing of it has prevailed, nor indeed made any confiderablc progrefs at all. My people are now ^apprized of thefe things, are acquainted that Sa- tan in fuch a manner transformed himfelf into an angel of light in the firft feafon of the great outpouring of the Divine Spirit in the days of the apoftles, and that fomething of this nature, in a greater or lelTer degree, has attended almofi: every revival and remarkable propagation of true religion ever iince. And they have learned fo to diftinguiih between the gold and drofs, that the credit of the latter is trod down like the mire of the ftreets : And it being natural for th.is kind of fluff to die with its credit, there is now fcarce any appearance of it among them.
And as there has been no prevalency of irregular heats, imaginary notions, fpiritual pride, and fatan- ical delufions, among my people, {^^ there has been very few inftances of fcandalous and irregular be- haviour among thofe who have made a profcflion, or even an appearance of fcjioufnefs. I do not know of more than three or four fuch perfons that have been guilty of any open mifcondudt, fince their firit acquaintance with chriftianity, and not one that per- fifts in any thing of that nature. And perh«ps the remarkable purity of this work in the latter refpcCil,
C c 3 its
(76 Dijicuhies attending the
its freedom from frequent inftances of fcandal, is very much owing to its purity in the former refpedl, its freedom from corrupt mixtures of fpiritual pride, wild fire and dclufion, which naturally lay a founda- tion for fcandalous prad:ices.
May this blejTed work in the power and purity of it prevail among the poor Indians here, as well as fpread elfewhere, until their remotefl tribes ihdWfee the Salvation of God. Amen.
ENUMERATING fome of the difficulties which obftiudted his fuccefs in chriftianizing the Indians, Mr. Brainerd fays,
I have met with great difficulty in my work among thefe Indians, from the rooted averfion to chriflianity that generally prevails among them. They are not only brutifhly flupid and ignorant of divine things, but many of them arc obflinately fct againfl chriftianity, and feem to abhor even the chrif- tian name.
This averfion to chriftianity arifes partly from the view of the immorality and vicious behaviour of many who are called chriftians. They obferve that horrid wickednefs in nominal chriftians, which the light of nature condemns in themfelves : And not having diflinguifliing views of things, are ready to look upon all the white people alike, and to con- demn them alike for the abominable pradtices of fome. Hence, when I have attempted to treat with them about chriftianity, they have frequently ob- jedted the fcandalous pradtices of chriftians, and caft in my teeth all they could think of that was odious in the conduct of any of them. Have obferv- ed to *me, that the white people lie, defraud, fteal, ^nd drink, worfe than the Indians : That
they
Chrijlianizing of the Indians, 77
they have taught the Indians thefe things, ef- pecially the latter of them ; who before the com- ing of the Englifti, knew of no fuch thing as ftrong ' drink : That the EngH 111 have by thefe means, made them quarrel, and kill one another, and in a word, brought them to the practice of all thofe vices that now prevail among them. So that they are now vaftly more vicious, as well as much more miferable, than they were before the coming of the white people into the country.
Thefe, and fuch like objedlions, they frequently make againft chriflianity, wbich are not eafily an- fwered to their fatisfad:ion j many of them being fails too notorioufly true.
The only way I have to take in order to furmount this difficulty, is, to diflinguith between nominal and realchriftians, and to fhew them that the ill con- dud: of many of the former proceeds not from their being chriilians, but from their being chrif- tians only in name, not in heart, &c. To which it has fometimes been objeded, that if all thofe who will cheat the Indians, are chriftians only in name, there are but few left in the country to be chriftians in heart. This, and many other of the remarks they pafs upon the white people, and their miicarriages, I am forced to own, and cannot but grant, that many nominal chriftians are more abominably wicked than the Indians. But then I attempt to fliow them that there are fome who feel the power of chriftian- ity, that are not fo. And I aik them when they ev- er faw me guihy of the vices they complain of, and charge chriftians in general with. But ftill the great difficulty is, that the people who live back in the country nearefl: to them, and the traders that go among them, are generally of the moft irreligious and vicious fort, and the conduct of one or two per- fons, be it never fo exemplary, is not fufficient to C c 4 counterbalance
'j9 Difficulties attending the
counterbalance the vicious behaviour of fo many of the fame denomination, and io to recommend chriftianity to pagans.
Another thing that ferves to make them more avcrfe to chriftianity, is a fear of being enflaved. They are, perhaps, feme of the moft jealous people living, and extremely averfe to a ftate of fcrvitude, and hence are always afraid of fome defign forming againft them. Befides, they feem to have no fenti- ipents of generofity, benevolence and goodnefs : That if any thing be propofed to them, as being for their good, they are ready rather to fufped: that there is at bottom fome defign forming againft them, than that fuch propofals flow from good will to them, and a defire of their welfare. And hence, when 1 have attempted to recommend chriftianity to their accept- ance, they have fomctimes objected, that the white people have come among them, have cheated them out of their lands, driven them back to the moun- tains, from thepleafant places they ufed to enjoy by the fea fide, &c. That therefore they have no reafon to think the white people are now feeking their wel- fare ; but rather that they have fent me out to draw them together under a pretence of kindnefs to them, that they may have an opportunity to make flavcs of them as they do of the poor negroes, or elfe to fhip them on board their vefTels, and make them fight with their enemies, &c. Thus they have often- times conftrued all the kindnefs I could ftiew them, and the hard (hips I have endured in order to treat with them about chriftianity. " He never would (fay they J take all this pains to do us good ; he muft have fome wicked deiign to hurt us Ibme way or other." And to give them afliirance of the contrary, is not an eafy matter, while there are fo many, who (agreeable to their apprehenfion) are only feeking their own, not the good of others.
To
'
Chrijiianizing of the Indians, 7^
To remove this difficulty I inform them, that I am not fent out among them by thofe perfons in thefe provinces, who, they fuppofe, have cheated them out of their lands, but by pious people at a great diftance, who never had an inch of their lands, nor ever thought of doing them any hurt, &c.
But here will arife fo many frivolous and imper- tinent queftions, that it would tire one's patience, and wear out one*s fpirits to hear them ; fuch as that, ** But why did not thefe good people fend you to teach us before, while we had our lands down by the fea fide, &c? If they had fent you then, we fhould likely have heard you and turned chriftians." The poor creatures ftill imagining that I fhould be much beholding to them in cafe they would hearken tochrif- tianity, and inlinuating that this was a favour they could not now be fo good as to fhew me, feeing they bad received fo many injuries from the white people.
Another fpring of averfion to chriflianity in the Indians, is, theix ftrong attachment to their own re- ligious notions, (if they maybe called religious) and the early prejudices they have imbibed in favour of their own frantick and ridiculous kind of worfhip. What their notions of God are, in their pagan flate, is hard precifely to determine. I have taken much pains to inquire of my chriflian people whether they, before their acquaintance with chriftianity, imagined there was a plurality of great invifiblc powers, or whether they fuppofed but one fuch be- ing, and worfhipped him in a variety of forms and fhapes : But cannot learn any thing of them fo dif- tind: as to be fully fatisfying upon the point. Their notions in that ftate were {o prodigioully dark and confufed, that they leemed not to know v/hat they thought themfelves. But fo far as 1 can learn, they had a notion of a plurality of invifible deities, and paid fome kind of homage to them promifcuoufly,
under
So Difficulties attending the
under a great variety of forms and (hapes. And it is certain, thofe who yet remain pagans pay fome kind of fuperftitious reverence to bcafts, birds, fifti- es, and even reptiles; that is, fome to one kind of an- imal and fome to another. They do not indeed fup- pofe a divine power effential to» or inherent in thefc creatures, but that fome invifible beings (I cannot learn that it is always one fuch being only, but di- vers ; not diftinguifhed from each other by certain names, but only notionally) communicate to thefe animals a great power, either one or other of them, (juft as it happens) or perhaps fometimes all of them, and fo make thefe creatures the immediate au- thors of good to certain perfons. Whence fuch a creature becomes facred to the perfons to whom he is fuppofed to be the immediate author of good, and through him they muft worfhip the invifible pow- ers, though to others he is no more than another creature. And perhaps another animal is looked upon to be the immediate author of good to another, and confequently he muft. worfhip the invifible powers in that animal. And I have known a pagan burn fine tobacco for incenfe, in order to appeafe the anger of that invifible power which he fuppofed prefided over rattlefnakes, becaufe one of thefe ani- mals was killed by another Indian near his houfe.
But after the ftrid:efl: inquiry refpedling their no- tions of the Deity, I find, that in ancient times, be- fore the coming of the white people, fome fuppofed there were four invifible powers who prefided over the four corners of the earth. Others imagined the fun to be the only deity, and that all things were made by him : Others at the fame time having a confufed notion of a certain body or fountain of de- ity, fomewhat like the anima mundi, fo frequently mentioned by the more learned ancient heathens, diffufing itfelf to various animals, and even to inani- mate
Chriflianizing of the Indians. 8i
mate things, making them the immediate authors of good to certain perfons, as was before ob- ferved with refped: to various fuppofed deities. But after the coming of the white people, they feem- ed to fuppofe there were three deities, and three on- ly, becaufe they faw people of three different kinds of complexion, viz. Englifh, Negroes and them- felvcs. <i
It is a notion pretty generally prevailing among them, that it was not the fame God made them who made us ; but that they were made after the white people ; which further fhews, that they imagine a plurality of divine powers. And I fancy they fup- pofe their god gained fome fpecial fkill by feeing the white people made, and fo made them better : For it is certain they look upon themfelves and their methods of living (which, they fay, their god ex- prefsly prefcribed for them) vaftly preferable to the white people, and their methods. And hence will frequently fit and laugh at them, as being good for nothing elfe but to plough, and fatigue themfelves with hard labour ; while they enjoy the fatisfac- tion of flretching themfelves on the ground, and fleeping as much as they pleafe, and have no other trouble but now and then to chafe the deer, which is often attended with pleafure rather than pain. Hence, by the way, many of them look upon it as difgraceful for them to become chriflians, as it would be efleemed among chriflians for any to become pa- gans. And now although they fuppofe our religion will do well enough for us, becaufe prefcribed by our God, yet it is no ways proper for them, becaufe not of the fame make and original. This they have fometimes offered as a reafon why they did not in- cline to hearken to chriflianity.
They feem to liave fome confufed notion about a future flate of exiftence, and many of them imagine
that
8^ Difficulties attending the
that the Chichung (i. e. The fhadow) or what fur- vives the body, will at death go fouthward, and in an unknown, but curious place, will enjoy lomc kind of happinefsjfuch as hunting, fealling, dancing, and the like. , And what they fuppofe will contrib- ute much to their happinefs in that (late is, ifriat they fhall never be weary of thofe entertainments. It feemsby this notion of their going fouthward to obtain happinefs, as if they had their courfe into thefe parts of the world from fome very cold climate, and found the further they went fouthward the more comfort- able they were ; and thence concluded, that perfedH: felicity was to be found further towards the fame point.
They feemto have fome faint and glimmering no- tion about rewards and punifhments, or at leaft hap- pinefs and mifery in a future ftate, that is, fome that I have converfed with, though others feem to know of no fuch thing. Thofe that fuppole this, feem to im- agine that moft will be happy, and that thofe who are not fo, will be punifhed only with privation, being only excluded the walls of that good world, where happy fouls fhall dwell.
Thefe rewards and punifhments they fuppofe to de- pend entirely upon their conduct with relation to the duties of the fecond table, i.e. theirbehaviour towards mankind, and feem, fo far as I can fee, not to imag- ine that they have any reference to their religious notions or pradlices, or any thing that relates to the worfhip of God. I remember I once conlulted a very ancient, but intelligent Indian, upon this point, for my own fatisfadtion ; alked him whether the Indians of old times had fuppofed there was any thing of the man that would furvive the body. He replied, Yes. I afkedhim, where they fuppofed its abode would be. He replied. It would go fouthward. I afked him further, whether it would be happy
there.
Chrijiianizlng of the Indians, 83
there. He anfwered, after a confiderable paufe, that the fouls of good folks would be happy, and the fouls of bad folks miferable. I then aflced him, who he. called bad folks. His anfwer (as I remem- ber) was, thofe who lie. Ileal, quarrel with their neighbours, arc unkind to their friends, and efpecial- ]y to aged parents, and in a word, fuch as are a plague to mankind. Thefe were his bad folks ; but not a word was faid about their neglect of di- vine worfhip, and their badnefs in that refpe6l.
They have indeed fome kind of religious wor- fliip, are frequently offering facrifices to fome fup- pofed invifible powers, and are very ready to impute their calamities in the prefent world, to the negled: of thefe facrifices j but there is no appearance of rev- erence and devotion in the homage they pay them 1 and what they do of this nature, feems to be done only to appeafe the fuppofed anger of their deities, to engage them to be placable to themfelves, and do them no hurt, or at m.ofl, only to invite thefe powers to fucceed them in thofe enterprifes they are engaged in refpedting the prefent life. So 'that in offering thefe facrifices, they feem to have no refer- ence to a future ftate, but only to prefent comfort.
What further contributes to their averfionto chrif- tianity, is, the influence that their powwows (con- jurers or diviners) have upon them. Thefe are a fort of perfons who are fuppofed to have a power of foretelling future events, of recovering the fick, at leafl: oftentimes, and of charming, enchanting, or poifoning perfons to death, by their magick divina- tions. And their fpirit, in its various operations. feems to be a fatanical imitation of the fpirit of prophecy that the church in early ages was favoured with. Some of thefe diviners are endowed with this fpirit in infimcy. Others in adult age. It feems not to depend upon ihcirown will, nor to be acquir- ed
84 'Difficulties at tendings ^c,
cd by any endeavours of the perfon who is the fub- jedl of it, although it is fuppofed to be given to chil- dren fometimes in confequence of fome means the parents ufe with them for that purpofe : One of which is to make the child fwallow a fmall living frog, after having performed fome fuperftitious rites and ceremonies upon it. They are not under the in- fluence of this fpirit always alike j but it comes up- on them at times. And thofe who are endowed with it, are accounted Angularly favoured.
Thefe things ferve to fix them down in their idol- atry, and to make them believe there is no fafety to be cxpedled, but by their continuing to offer fuch facrifices. And the influence that thefe powwows have upon them, either through the elleem or fear they have of them, is no fmall hindrance to their em- bracing chriftianity.
FINIS,
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