The Pig Paper #09

" >yM . v, .

THE PIG WVPER

Entire
Contents
Copyright|
©1978 by
PIG PROD.
INC. All
Rights
Reserved.

Editor:
GARY PIG

&

Contributing

Editors:

JEREMY GLUCK
I ROCK SERLING

IMANTS CRANSTONl
[ARNOLD THE PIG

Special Guests:

BILL McAVORY

JON VANKIN

STEVE SIDDONS

ETCETERA
I Photography:

JOHNNY PIG

MIKE TUTT

SCOTT GRAHAM

RALFONZO
I Layout/Design:

GARY PIG
I Rent:

CINDY PIG
iBack Again:

Ikevin FROM

ENGLAND

LETTERS

Dear PIG PAPER,

Enclosed, please find 8
by-10 promo pix, clippings,
and test cassette of The
Carniverous Buttockflys. I
hope you can find a place
for them somewhere in your
next issue.

Sincerely,
John - L .
PS: Please?

Dear Pigs (how
appropriate) ,

Jake has just shown me
THE PIG PAPER #8 which you
so bravely sent to me.

I thought the Elvis
Costello "interview" was
very enlightening to say
the least, which I try to
whenever possible.

Consequently, YourSj

Dec Ian MacManus

PIG-9

I Seeing as most every other magazine chief,
from Ira I WROTE ABOUT ELVIS COSTELLO FIRST
Robbins to Greg I INVENTED PUNK ROCK/ I IN-
I VENTED POWER POP Shaw, spend their editorial
spouting self-praise, I thought I'd join the
tribe seeing as I'm at least as accomplished
| as a Trouser Press . And, true to journalistic
tradition, I'm gonna plunge the knife deep
into selected "competitors". So here goes:

PIG 9 finds our fave mag nearing three
years of age: Second only to the nation's
trade publication, RPM , as Longest-Established
Canadian Music Periodical. PIG 9 also finds us
Pigs having produced the slickest, most com-
pact (less pages don't mean less words!) and
grandest PIG PAPER of em all. Reviews, inter-
views, and overviews of rock the world over:
From local wizards to British bonkers and
everything in between.

But, alas, it is time to move on. Having
single-handedly cultivated and fertilized the
Canadian (a. k. a. Toronto) New Wave, PIG, in its
up-coming Gala Tenth Anniversary Issue, will
progress to bigger and better things, leaving
all our shady imitators to persist with purely
Punk coverage. Don't Fret though: We'll con-
tinue to keep you informed as to who The Curse
are fucking and where The Viletones are supp-
osedly bound for, but at the same time reveal
there's more to rock than G,F, and B-flat.

Coming Next Time, then, is the beginning of
a more serious and thorough look at pop's past,
which will consist of far more than just old
press releases and shallow Bomp- like disco-
graphies. In other words, we'll be teaching all
you kids new to Pigdom that there were loads of
records released before "Anarchy In The U.K."
plus give all our veteran subscribors more than
plain PIG PUNK.

Also, premiering next time, is our long-
promised Snappy Expanded Format, which, once
you see it, I know you'll agree was worth the
wait.

Speaking of expansion, PIG did just that
recently. We started our own little record
label to give those jaded jugs at Chiswick and
Radar a run for their money. PIG Record No.l, a
debut 45 by (who else?) Simply Saucer, may not
sport a sterile "Kissa My Face" sound, but have
any of you so-called critics ever heard Stiff's
first release? Or Apple's, for that matter? I
rest my case. Besides, once we get our hands
on The Beach Boys" 24-track board, plus dig deep
into defunct label's vaults to re-issue some
choice cuts from the Delete Zone, then we'll see
who says "Shoddy", "Wasted Effort", and "Ho-Hum"
to us PIG Rec Execs!

And speaking of The Beach Boys, we'll soon be
embarking on our very own California Saga. Yes,
PIG is fleeing to the sun'n'surf of Malibu for a
stay which, weather and authorities permitting,
could be permanent. We've smartened up Canada's
rock'n'roll, so, Next step: AMERICA.

Yes, it's been a hard but fun three years,
and if you'd like to be a part of it, PIG sub-
scriptions are $10 for twelve issues plus PIG
newsletters, contests, and assorted additional
junk mail. Make those cheques payable to the
address below. Aren't we wonderful?

See you all this fall in PIG 10.

Now
you can

MEET
THE PIGS!

OUZ f**b 70 COTTON DRIVE. MISSISSAUGA*
■ l\J ^jf ONTARIO. CANADA. L5G IZ9

No.l:

M ROCK
U SERLING

PIS PUMftfl g

Punk is dead. That catch-all phrase
applied to the late-Seventies pop
renaissance has outlived its effec-
tiveness, and the entire genre has
outrun itself it seems. What re-
mains is a lot of recording con-
tracts which wouldn't have materia-
lized a few years ago. Whether this
is good or bad is for the Reverend
Charles M.Young to babble about....
(A NOTED CANADIAN JOURNALIST)

!£<Mr

Up here in Toronto, not only is the
"genre" dead, but many now question
whether it ever truly existed.

You see, it always has been, and
probably always will be, next to im-
possible to earn a living as a musician
in Canada unless one can mimic precisely
whatever 's high on the American charts.
Therefore, when someone catches a wiff
of something new, as loads of Toronto
college students did when The Sex Pistols
first snuck into the local papers 'way
back in '76, everyone jumps aboard the
bandwagon and consequently runs it right
off the road.

Skip back to New York Rocker 10 if
you will. To Page 20. Here lies documen-
tation of the city's newave heyday of a
year ago: Columns-ful of Diodes secretly
and sneakingly authored by their manager
Ralph "Bomp-de-Bomb" Alfonzo. A tearful
tribute to the short-lived punkhole, the
Crash 'n' Burn, which never really amounted
to much more than Diodes rehearsals you'd
pay to attend. And a quaint run-down of
Toronto's "Top 14" Bands, each of whom
represented the Clique-Elite of the
city's seude-o musical headline hunters.

If you don't have NYR-10 lying around,
a similar scam filled the February '78
Creem "Consumer Guide To Toronto Punk".

Herein,
author Jeff-
rey Morgan,
long -known
in town as a
"jiving wise
ass" by most
who fall in
contact with
him, rose the|
art of fic-
tion to an
all-time low
by proclai-
ming (1) An

If you're anything at all like myself— and you certainly must
be— then you'll fast appreciate the fact that this is DMR-10,
Canada's most widely read monthly rock 'n' roll forum wherein
YOU, the actual record buying public get to have your own say
on any rock 'n' roll related topics.

irregular little affair called Stageiife |
was "Canada's ONLY rock'n'roll magazine"
and (2) Someone or something called
"Machine Rock" was "Toronto's best-
known rock 'n f roller". Let the truth at
last be revealed: (l) StageLife was in
existence for less than a year before
folding, was in fact a free hand-out
publication industry- supported and in-
dustry-run, and always seemed more con-
cerned with Barry Manilow § Bee Gees
than Canadian talent; (2) "Machine Rock'
was in fact the pen-name Mr. Morgan hid
behind as editor of SL_ - hardly a rock'nl
roller coz he never performed in public.

Starting to get the picture? The
Toronto Punk Scene was little more than
a few dead-end bar guitarists and a few
bored journalists with overactive ima-
ginations. There was, and to a certain
extent remains, an inpenetrable little
cluster of bands and hangers-on who
control the punk community. They're the
ones with the richest parents, biggest
mouths, and, not surprisingly, least
talent. I'm talking about the Ontario
College Of Art set (The Cads, Johnny §
The G-Rays, The Curse, The Androids,
Drastic Measures...). Others are merely
an assortment of backstagers who said
to themselves "This looks easy" and

formed bands overnight. Such throw-
togethers (The B-Girls, The Ugly) don't
even deserve mention.

What's left? To up-date the Top 14,
which I've whittled down to four,

One minute they're saying "We're gonna
stay in Toronto and fuckin' turn it up-
side down". Next minute they're getting
ready to relocate in London or New York.
(At the moment they've still got their
eyes on London, where Stiff Records sup-
posedly has their eyes on them) . Despite
such endearing inconsistencies in press
releases, The Viles have long outgrown
the dull churn and bloodletting which
hurled them into prominence and have
turned into the city's Number One band.
They deserve the position more than any
one. Insofar as Canada is concerned, The
Viletones are the most unique, vital,
and important domestic product since -
dare I say it? - The Ugly Ducklings.

Even though they hail from the Art
College, this sextet of amiable zanies
enter their fourth year of existence
with a hot new EP, HOT PROPERTY, which
demonstrates more than ever before that
beneath all their Sparks/Roxy poop lies
a great pop band struggling to get out
(Current showstopper: Tommy James'
"Mirage") . Besides, drummer Steven
Davey's kit once belonged to Dave Clark!

A painter, an electricomposer, and
three neighbourhood faces make unlikelyj
components for a new sensation - even
up here near the tundra. But they did, j|
and they are. Their vinyl debut, "C.N.
Tower", was the cleanest, most profes-
sional release from these parts, and
since then they've been busy recording
under the auspices of none other than
John Cale. This fall will see them as
the first Canadian newavists to under-
take a full-scale North American tour.
In the words of their keyboardist Doug
Pringle, "If you love the sound of
whales, you'll love The Poles".

C*

^2

V) U

SJS

OJU

C Q

tu£

This foursome are constantly being put
down 'round here because (a) They're
good and (b) They choose to operate
outside the aforementioned clique of
trendies. Nonetheless, they struggle
onwards, improving with each step of
the way. Today they divide their time
between touring high school gyms (OK!)
and recording an album. Check back here|
in a year and you'll almost certainly
find The Battered Wives on their way.

It's happened twice before at least:!
Booms in the local musical society thatl
is. Over a decade ago bands such as The|
Lords Of London, Little Caesar £ The

!

s

[Consuls, and the legendary Ugly Ducks had us all shouting
"Toronto will be the next music capitol of the world!". At
the turn of the decade, another eruption: Folks like Edward

'Bear, Crowbar and Lighthouse were actually getting their
songs on the radio!

What happened in '66- '67 then '69-' 70 is already happening
in '78: Lack of support, both financial and spiritual, from
both inside and outside the Canadian record industry. The age
old feeling that our local lads may be good, but never good
enough to compete on an international scale. But worst of all
it is the bandmembers themselves, along with the seedier
characters of the biz (managers, writers...) who tend to sour
a good thing before it is allowed to ripen to maturity. They
frustrate and ultimately foil the struggling hopefuls while
forcing the better and bolder bands to seek refuge in the U.S
or U.K. And it's happening in Toronto.

We all agree that the punk phenomenon's prime contribution
was its clearing of the air and opening of doors. Nowhere was
this more evident that in this city. Yet the opportunities
which arose courtesy of the New Wave have been all but fumble*
and lost, never to knock again.
PIG TORONTO PUNK D1SC0GRAPHY: JULY 1978

Nov. 76. . .45. . .ZOOM SWEET DESPERATION/MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH. . .Riot 1001

Apr. 77. . .EP. . .THE DISHES FASHION PLATES. . . (PS) Regular R-001

Jul. 77. . .45. . .JOHNNY LOVESIN TONIGHT/CE SOIR Smile SLE-113

Aug. 77. . .EP. . .THE VILETONES VILETONES. . . (PS) Vile 8277

.THE DIODES/THE CURSE et al . . .RAW/WAR. . . (PS) Crash'n'Burn CEAC

.THE POLES C.N. TOWER/PRIME TIME. . . (PS) Nimbus 9 NN-313

.THE DIODES RED RUBBER BALL/WE'RE RIPPED. . . (PS) . . .Columbia C4-4168

.THE DIODES THE DIODES. .. (PS) Columbia PES-90441

.THE CADS DO THE CRABWALK. . . (PS) Bi-R 001

.THE DISHES HOT PROPERTY. . . (PS) Regular R-02

.THE CURSE SHOESHINE BOY/THE KILLER BEES. . . (PS) Hi-Fi 001

.SIMPLY SAUCER SHE'S A DOG/I CAN CHANGE MY MIND. . . (PS) PIG-1

.THE DIODES TIRED OF WAKING UP TIRED/CHILD STAR Epic E4-4186

NB: Items preceeded by * are no longer available. However, the ZOOM 45, which features Chris
Hate of The Viletones and John Hamilton of The Diodes, was re-issued in picture sleeve June
1978. Titles followed by (PS) indicate they were originally issued in picture sleeve. CURRENTLY
ON THE BOARDS: New EPs by The Viletones, The Poles, and Johnny Lovesin; New LP by The Diodes;
New 45 by Simply Saucer. About to make their vinyl debuts: The Battered Wives, The Androids,
The B -Girls and The Ugly. ALL ITEMS AVAILABLE BY WRITING TO PIG PRODUCTIONS.

*Aug.77.
Sep. 77.
Oct. 77.
Nov. 77.
Mar. 78.
Mar. 78.
Apr. 78.
Jun.78.
Jun.78.

.45..
.45..
.45..
.LP..
.EP..
.EP..
.45..
.45..
.45. .

T(Jv^\iwVWi

£0

'a

Not entertained!
by this music

In disgust, I heaved a record
which is supposedly today's mu-
sic into the fireplace and watched
it melt away. Unfortunately, the
words and the memories that
they conjure up cannot be de-
stroyed. With the thought of pro-
voking citizenship action I must
quote a few of the lyrics from
this tune:

'Shoeshine Boy, is that your
pay?

How'd ya earn a hundred dol-
lars today

They'll beat you, Mistreat you!

They'll find you — wrapped in
a plastic bag."

To make things even worse the
name of the shoeshine boy used
in this song is Emmanuel.

The ink is not /yet dry on the
judge's orders to commit some
criminals to prison for the hei-
nous killing of a 12-year-old shoe-
shine boy. The ink is not yet dry
on the eight weeks of the most
nauseating disgorge of garbage
that we read in all of the daily
newspapers. And here today,
people, if we can even call them
that, are using this sad, pitiful
and brutal murder as a means to
fill their coffers with blood mon-
ey.

What is our direction? Where
is our society going?.. How can so-
called, "honorable businessmen"
allow this type of music to be
published? How can we as par-
ents and citizens of the upcoming
generation permit our children to
have their minds brainwashed
with this drivel in the name of
music?_ Mwrence Evans,

Burlington.

SA

"><

*>*>o ''^

°s,

**

V,\

115 QUEEN ST. EAST
TORONTO 368-7547
}11:00 A.M^- 6:00 RM.,TH. & FR.TIL'9:66

1

For the past six weeks without fail I've been spending my
Friday nights in various theatres across Southern Ontario
watching, over and over again, THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY. And I'm
playing the grooves off my Buddy Holly albums between trips to
the movies. Why? Well, probably because Buddy Holly has some
great songs. And his film biography isn't anywhere near the Holly
Wood "Happy Days" non-epic I feared. Despite piles of historical and
musical inaccuracies (how can any recreation of the Holly legacy take
place without his brilliant co-writer and producer Norman Petty?!), the movie
is a joyous success in that it portrays so acutely the personality of Buddy and of rock*
n'roll's infancy. "He had class, but above all he had poise, charm, and politeness",
which is how Bill Grigs, president of the Buddy Holly Memorial Society, described the
man to me. "He knew what he was after and went after it very determinedly, but always
with a sense of humor". Check. Director Steve Rash's celluloid Holly makes us, true to
the movie's promotional slogan, sing, cheer, laugh, and cry. And Gary^
Busey is nothing short of amazing in portraying Buddy Holly. I am
not alone in believing I'm watching Holly, not Busey, as the reels
spin by. Gary sings Holly, walks and talks Holly, even plays great
Holly guitar along with his "Crickets" [Don Stroud, Charles Martin
Smith) and it's as close a recreation of the Holly Sound as I ever
imagined possible. But THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY, good as it may be,
hopefully will serve as but a reminder (commercial, if you will)
for the REAL Buddy Holly, whose music lives on courtesy of MCA
Records (which bought out Coral: the folks who originally re-
corded Buddy) and Paul McCartney of all people (whose MPL Comm-
unications bought the publishing rights to most of the Holly
catalog). MCA's recent cash-in quickie, 20 GOLDEN GREATS (MCA-
3040) is, like the movie which inspired it, surprisingly well
presented. Just listen to the wealth of inventiveness Holly's
pop,C£W,M0R and R£R present. Production-wise, the team of
Holly and Petty was responsible for dozens of innovative ex-
periments: For example, the vocal tracks introduced many new
techniques of production seldom heard elsewhere on recordings
from the 1950s. And that oft-forgotten Cricket, drummer Jerry
Allison, demonstrates he's as adept playing his knees ("Every
Day") and mike stands ("Well Allright") as his kit. All factors
contributed to make records which were not, shall we say, fully
understood or appreciated when first issued twenty years ago
but have resurfaced many times in new forms. Much of the Mersey-
beat of the 1963-65 British Invasion was directly Holly-inspired
(where do you think The, Hollies got their name?). And more re-
cently, three of Linda Ronstadt's most recent hits have been
out-and-out Holly re-hashes. So, just like the cover of 20
GOLDEN GREATS proclaims, Buddy Holly Lives. I for one hope
this entire Holly revival inspires some lowly kid with a
guitar out there to pick up on the mood and the music of Buddy
and use it to repair the pathetic state of pop we find our-
selves in nineteen years after that Iowa plane crash. Perhaps
I'll be that lowly kid after the movies let out.

PiGOSSIPIGOSSIPlGOSSI PIGOSSI PIGOSSIPIGOSo

- Em BUIB DUMPS DIODJS] WSK AH

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\for guiding the ex-Beatle's career today.

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END . . . THE SINGLE OF
THE WEEK

SIMPLY SAUCER: 'She's A Dog«

(Pig 1). Canadian band sounding a
bit 'Oooo very approximately the
best single this week, reminiscent of
the fab four (harmony wise),
constructive guitar work, although
the lyrics . . . err . . . woof? If you
can find it, buy it

fradetfes, bfrtoe wp»#.f ten feforweait
corwes Lwep on& 2ft. 05 -me hits .

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CAis. Forton<9iely.*BPCrr£R&>iMi
LPcinetTaMNNA IMMtAV&SArOPteR U>

OOldlSSODIdlSSOQIdlSSOOIdiSS

I was walking down Queen Street E.
in Toronto on the afternoon of Saturd ay
Ap* il 15 en route to New Rose Punk
Shoppe (where The Viletones were hope-
fully gonna pay me the $$ they owed me)
when I was seized by a vi cious att ack^ of
The Munchies (happens everytime I'm owed
$$) . I immed lately sought refuge in my
f a/our i te r est ax ant , the dr oni cal ly-
empty Blue Sea Eatery at 90 Queen East.
I always eat here when in Toronto ooz
It's always empty save for some r ubby
sleeping in his soup at the rear. But
besides the r ubby and I on this pa-tic-
ul ar afternoon , however , was a young man
wi th tos si ed d ir t-r ed h air and a s 1 i ck
Eaton's- looking jacket. He looked vaguely
faniliar. "Is it?. ..Could it be?..."
After al 1 , he was supposed to be in
Toronto... I was scared to go up and
strike a conversation with
him (he' s supposed^
to be Rl

mean) , so Id ecid ed to grab a nearby
table and advertise the fact that I was
a journalist to see wh at happened.
Shunning the menu (after al 1 , I was broke)
I littered the tabletop with contact
sheets , ruler s , 1 ayout pad s.
It worked . After repeated ly eyeing me from
behind his large 7 "Up he finally mumbled
in a (r azed Lord on accent , "You a wr i ter ?"
"Yeah" I replied , scarcely glancing up
from my Mi ckey'n' Blond ie pr ints (see Page
) "What?" the7-Up asked. "I said Yeah,
I'm aw iter" I r epe ated . "No , I me an Wh at
do you write?" he said . "Oh. Umm , Lots of
things. Here", and I handed him a copy of
PIG PAPER 8. He g- abbed it at) stuffed it
into an old briefcase which lay at the
foot of his seat.

ROT: Thanks. I got another one of you*
papers yesterd ay and thought it was pretty
funny.

PIG: Er , Thank you. Most people say that
about my magazine.

ROT: Then why d o you keep doing it?
PIG: It's a god way to lose money!
Feeling I'd broken the ice with that last
statement I'm sure he and most of us can
readily identify with, I br avely told him
"But I bet I'd make a fortune if the next
PIG PAPER had a Johnny Rotten interview in
it".

Rottendidn't tell me to Fuck Off. He said
Why Not - he has nowhere to go till seven
when he was to re-unite with his mum whom
he was visiting Toronto with. He even let
me r ecord his word s with my tr usty Panasoni c
Mini-Tapey, but warned me that I'd get sued
blind if I bootlegged the inter view onto
vinyl. (Coming Soon: ROTTEN TALKS, on Time
Warp Records - Not a one lawsuit has stuck
to me yet) .

Some
per sonal
impressions of
Rotten before we begin:
He's got nothing like the d iseased
oatmeal oomplextion he r eputed to
have. After all , he's been busy
vacationing in the tropics. But the
infamous JR Eyes are as icy and
stare- i nsi stent as legend proclaims.
Makes Nazi Dog an Osmond by compar i-
son. No, I couldn't spot any Johnson
&Johnson baby powder sprinkled in his
hair . He 1 i ter al ly spi ts out word s
like "Malcolm" and "Pistols" with a
vengence , yet the rest of his speech
is slurred and lifeless. Oh , and of
course he wants to be known as John
Lyd on these d ays.
The cast of characters, then:
JOHNNY ROTTEN-LYDON: Ex-Pistol

STEVE JONES , PAUL COOK,
O fj^^ VICIOUS: Sex

£*m£ IT hi I i i I

MALCOLM McLAREN: Sex Pistols

manager
DUCKS DELUXE: Belated ly-

accl aimed Br i tish r ockband

PIG: Here comes the ob-
vious question. I know it
must make you feel like
an ex-Beatle or something
but are The Sex Pistols

[ever going to reform?
ROT: They can go r ight

aheal without me if they
r want , but I have a feeling
they won't. They sr e too
messed up Individually.
PIG: Specifically?
ROT: Without getting too
specific, Jones and Cook are
s chemer s . S id is a f o 1 1 ower .
Malcolm is a manipul ator .
PIG: Did that cause the
br eak-up?

ROT: In affect , yeah. The
main problem was Malcolm,
and still i s by the way be-
cause he's threatened to sue
me if I ever go back on
stage with anything but Sex
Pistols.

PIG: How can he d o that?
ROT: I d unno. He's got goad
1 awyer s .

PIG: Dp you ever want to go
back on stage?

ROT: Yeah, but not until this*
who 1 e t h i ng d i es d own , wh i ch
shouldn't take too long.
PIG: You're supposed to be
starting a reggae bard.
ROT: Am I?

PIG: You just got back from
Jamai ca d id n' t you?
ROT: Yeah, but what does thai:
mean? I was there on hoi id ay
till one of Malcolm.'s boys
d is covered me with his earner a
PIG: What's McLaren up to?
ROT: I d unno. Most likely
somethi ng stupid .
PIG: Would The Sex Pistols
have stayed together if they
hain't of toir ed America?
ROT: No. It was coming apa- 1
bef cr e then. Amer i ca just
speeded up the process. The
Pistols were finished in 76

1

A GARY
PIGSCLUSIVE

when we cut our first record , as fa* as I

was concerned . Since then it's just been

a job : "WV- i te another song", "Sign this".

PIG: That's what you all wanted , wasn't

it? Records out, success...

ROT: Yes , but we wanted it to be hand led

r ight , and it wasn 1 1.

PIG: How so?

ROT: We were treated as a circus act fcr

a yea- . That was the fault of the p- ess ,

of course, but nobod y d id anything to

TOOTS

SEX PISTOLS
^..MERLLHAGGATO

OUREDOM

stop it.

PIG: Perhaps they encouraged it.
ROT: Par haps. I'll never know half of
what went on.

PIG: An English fr iend of mine told me
the Pistols and EMtish punk in general
reached its peak in mid -7 6, with the
100 Club's Punk Festival and all that.
ROT: Mus ical ly and socially it was at
its peak then, but that's fcr historians.
I don't want to waste time dwelling on
the past. No more Sex Pistols questions.
PIG: Okay. Let's talk about Britain.

Ik.

ROT: That's not much of an improvement.
PIG: Were you brought up as a working-
class kid ?

ROT: If you hal to call it something,
T t tl be that, but I went out of my way
to avoid working.
PIG: What did you d o in school?
ROT: Wasted time. Met a few people.
PIG: Sid and you were classmates?
ROT: Our paths crossed occasionally
back then , yes.

PIG: What d id you two think of each
other?

ROT: I think we hated each other.
PIG: Were you a rock fan back then?
ROT: No. You don't have to be a fan to
hear it. It just comes in yoir ears
through windows and outdoors.
PIG: Did you he a* anything you liked
pa- ticul a* i ly?

ROT: I can't remember. Ducks Deluxe,
but don't quote me on it. I heard lots
of things , but I d id n' t sta* t getting
records till later. I used to steal
them at parties.

PIG: What record s d id you steal?
ROT: Whatever I could get me hand s on.
I could n't real the labels till I got
them home. Some were g* eat nicks.
PIG: DH you ever imagine you'd be in
a band some d ay?
ROT: Never . I never
PIG: Is it true you
my 1 ip-syncing "I 'm
Mai colm's jukebox?

ROT: I can't remember. No more Pistols
please.

PIG: Okay. Back to Britain: What do you
like about that country? What d o you
hate about it?

ROT: I like the weather. I like some of
the people. I hate most of it.
PIG: A- e you going to live there the
rest of your 1 ife?
ROT: Maybe.

PIG: How d oes it compa-e to the U.S?
ROT: Idunno. These are stupid questions.
PIG: I know, but I'm unprepared. Like
most people I just know what I've real in
Rol 1 ing Stone about you.
ROT: Too bal . I' ve got nothing to say.
PIG: What are you doing in Toronto?
ROT: I don't know, but I can tell you
right now that I bet the bands here suck.
PIG: How can you tell that?
ROT: From the cut of the buib ings.
PIG: Hmmm. What are you going to d o now?
ROT: I think I'll have a rest. I think 1
deserve one. I'll get another band going:

imagined anything,
got in the Pistols
Eighteen" from

No-one's gonna stop me. I'll make some
recerds maybe. I'll have to wor k though:
All my money's tied up. It's all in
courts with you-know-who. I got a house.
A little one. That's all. That's all I
need . Th at ' s al 1 I can afford .
PIG: Any bea what your new bard will
consist of?

ROT: No. Just music. And a little less
hype th a 1 ast time.

Wi th that , Johnny finished off his 7 "Up ,

left an Amer i can d ol 1 ar on the table,

told me to "Keep it up"(?) and walked out

of the restaurant. So much for the scoop
of the century.

In the months since that lunch, The
Sex Pistols have reformed without
Rotten but with you-know-who still
managing, and have a new twelve- inch
single due any minute. Along with the
h$ will be adocumenta-y film of the
Pistols tentatively titled THE GREAT
ROCK AND ROLL SWINDLE ard a flurry of
paperback histories of the bard .
John Lyd on has formed The Carnlverous
Buttockflys with three other young,
unknown London musicians ard , accord-
ing to a nice letter I recei.ved from
his little house last week, they're
r ehea* sing hard .
I d on' t real ly know how to end off. . .

JEREMY GLUCK PROUDLY PRESENTS

Magical news has reached me now of a facilely accessible pinnacle of
contemporary rock'n'roll stupidity which will transform the. until -now
relatively elitist field of nonsense prospecting entirely. A song so water
tight in its conception and execution of kitsch that it is a landmark in
musical malfeasance the type of which may occur only once in a decade.

The guilty party's title is "Ca Plane Pour Moi" by a Belgian limpwrist
malmby palmby calling himself Plastic Bertrand, the continent's own made
good. On the charts in a half-dozen nations, Plastic Bertrand is setting a
precedent in infantile extremism unchallenged in scale and quality for
many years. I'm so intoxicated with ol' Plastic that I could be pushed to
say he is

THE SAM THE SHAM OF THE SEVENTIES ! !
Look at the evidence:

"Ca Plane Pour Moi" is (oh magic digit) three chords at a pinch, has a
two-note searing pulp of a solo and (sharp intake of breath) SURF HARMONIES.
Genuine Beach Whoops that could slim Brian Wilson - and that's saying alot!
The lyrics, sung in fuel-injected Francais, are utterly and extravagantly
SILLY. Not clever; Not a finely woven tapestry of parody, mind. Simply
TOTALLY DUMB. They are senseless to all but the most hardy of
rubbish snipers. I have, with the help of a translation, threaded the needle
of Bert's absurdity and it is foolproof. From every angle this record is
crystall ine in its worthlessness . That is to say It Is Indispensable. A
record collection without "Ca Plane Pour Moi" is as a fish without a bicycle

Enough waxing lyrical on the vinyl. It was my great honor shortly ago to
witness Plastic Bertrand visually expos iting his epic on that eternal show-
case of slime, Top Of The Pops. (For you idiots out there, TOTP is sort of
the British television equivalent of The Midnight Special. Sort of). Plastic
Bertrand How Ridiculous Art Thou, can I count the ways?

Basically, Plastic didn't sing his song so much as demonstrate a case of
epilepsy. Shaking in time in between an eye-catching batch of beauties be-
decked in balloons, this fruit of faddish excess grinned and up-staged an
assortment of bonafide musicians in grand style. Leather strands clinging to
his weedy gams, Plastic came across to an aghast crowd as nothing less than
nothing. He is definately Goofsville. A megablast of beautifully-tailored
foderole. I Am In Love.

Let us now praise Plastic Bertrand! An idiot grin in a world of frowns!
The Ambassador Of Good Swill!

MORE

4. THE "HYGENA" AUTOMATIC
NOSE PICKER

Strapped to the nose in the normal way, this highly
sensitive automatic device is activated by any
foreign particle entering the nose. The yellow light
glows, an alarm bell rings, and the extricating
mechanism springs into action, removing every-
thing in the wearer's nose within seconds, wraps it
up into a neat ball and pops it in his mouth.

CAWGNE NATONUE DES P/UW5 pV\PEPTES DB. IA HANCHB ft /m£TTBA»£N#£5 f*K t£S BOUSES

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WHY

GENERATION X

ARE THE BEST

GROUP IN THE WORLD

Keep The Sex Pistols (someone is going
to have to now) , keep The Clash and some-
one take The Stranglers, please. I've got
a group on my side to beat the lot of ya.

Now, I ain't gonna run down an itemized
list of what it is that has had me mouthin
off about Generation X for the past year,
ever since I first heard their John Peel
BBC broadcast, coz if you can't feel it
yourself from their debut LP (Chrysalis #
CHR-1169) then I just can't help.

Some things in life are self-evident,
okay? Let's just say Generation X are
self-evident, as in self-evidently brill-
iant or self-evidently sincere or self-
evidently exciting. Fortunately, through a
twist of fate too kind to believe, I sorta
fell in with Generation X last year. Back
a year later and they're finally acting
the new wave, despite a lot of local press
jackals who think they're less than divine
though I dunno why.

I hate history so I won't tell you The
Generati on X Story. Why, you could dig it
up yourself out of those yellowing NMEs

and thrill as I did each time Billy Idol
changed his hair colour. I really couldn't
rush in and have you miss that! What I
could do (included in the price of this
issue) is hammer out this interview with
Billy Idol and Tony James, Gen.X's twin
turbines .

This chat took place in a plush Brighton
hotel suite Generation X booked after
having been thrown out of their original
choice on first sight. First I talked to
Tony James. Billy Idol entered later:

DO YOU ALREADY HAVE PLANS FOR MORE RECORDS?

I always think you should record when you're ready, which is what

we did with the album: We took our time. We've written two or

three new songs which we rehearse in sound-checks. If I have to

write a whole new album in two weeks it's all gonna sound the

>same. If I rush and try to write three songs at the same time I

split my ideas three ways so it's better to take those three

songs and put them into one.

NOW THAT YOUR FIRST THREE SINGLES HAVEN'T MADE THE TOP 30, ARE

YOU RETHINKING YOUR APPROACH AT ALL?

No. I like putting singles out. The reason our singles haven't

been big is because we don't have any radio airplay. I don't know

why. I think we'll put out an EP next of material we had left

over from the album. (These cuts appeared on the North American

pressings of the Generation X album). I'd like to get everything

out and then get on with the new stuff.

WHY DO PARTS OF THE U.K. PRESS HAVE ANTIPATHY TOWARDS YOU?

Ever since we started they've been down on us. It's always been

"They're great, but..." I know what we're doing so I don't

really care what anyone else does now.

WHAT'S THE LOW-DOWN ON YOUR ENCOUNTER WITH KEITH MOON?

He was drunk, right? Billy just met him at a reception and he

came down to the studio. He walked in and Mark, our drummer,

just fainted! Keith's always been good to us: One of the few

from the big groups who's like one of the lads when you meet him.

When we met Pete Townshend he punched Mark in the face! Some

argument or other. Anyways, we played Keith our stuff and then

he played with us on some Who stuff, until he broke the bass

pedal. . .

WHY WAS YOUR ALBUM SO LONG IN COMING OUT? COULDN'T YOU HAVE

DONE IT ANY SOONER?

We could have done it last summer. We did some recording with our

old drummer, John Towe, but it wasn't happening. It was a drag

to break up because we knew that if we asked John to leave it

would delay the record. But I felt it was better to do it then

than in the middle of a deal. You see, we don't need to be

carried along on the crest of a new wave. We're quite content to

ride along behind in a boat.

ENTER BILLY IDOL.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE POWER-POP FIASCO THAT WAS INVENTED IN
BRITAIN BY THE RECORD COMPANIES?

Record company people even had to change the way they looked to
be involved with punk music and that frightened people. I think
they created power-pop because it's nostalgic and reaches back
into the past, so they don't have to change. I think that people
like us are speaking for ourselves. Whether it's new or not I don't
know. I just know it's what we're saying and the way we dress and
think. I know our record company find it hard; they don't under-
stand us. I think that's great though, because it makes people use
their heads.

DO YOU THINK THAT THE NEW WAVE HAS FAILED AT ALL?

No. I think it did change things. It opened doors for lots and lots
of new groups. Not just punk groups either; just people with ideas
who would never have picked up a guitar otherwise. It could only
have failed if groups like us wren't around. But we're here, so it
hasn't failed.

I THINK YOUR SOUND HAS CHANGED ALOT DURING THE PAST YEAR, DO YOU?
Alot of people have said we're becoming more "pop". I think we've
always played a sort of punk-strong rock'n'roll though. Music with
feeling and emotion which is also the loudest, heaviest music
possible: That's what I've always wanted to play. I never wanted
to be in a "pop" group because it's exactly what we're not.
WHAT ABOUT THE NEXT GENERATION X ALBUM?

I think it should... I dunno. People say we started out as a punk
group but I don't think we did. Not exactly. I'm not saying I
minded being labelled "punk", but I think there's always been many
different aspects to our music. Now that the one album is out
people can see that we were always capable of writing good rock
like "From The Heart". But also, more complicated songs like "Kiss
Me Deadly". All I can say is that the next album will be even
better.

RELIGION PU

IS A LOAD O]

SHYOFMEETIN

cCIRI S 1 GET m GREAT wr[l

Now, if I were you, I would do something
straight off: Buy the Generation X album and
play it over and over and over again (which
you're bound to do inspite of yourself) and
once^ you've memorized it thoroughly, loan it
to a friend. Just long enough so he gets the
feeling he can't live without a copy. Then
take it back coz by then you'll be missing it
something awful. In this way, in your own
home, you can be a Generation X Representative.

Just think: In homes all over North
America, thousands, and soon millions of kids
singing, playing, and worshipping to Generation
X! Can a more sparkling ideal be aspired to?
When God finished creating this mad orb and
said it was good he surely must have meant:
"All we need to glue this whole proposition
together is one record. One hunk of black
(yes: Black) vinyl that will top it all off!"

This, my dear friends, is the first, not
last album by Generation X. The greatest group
on God's green earth.

You know what to do.

Gluck just happens to be one of the greatest writers on so-and-so's
green earth. Long active (and frustrated) a character on the Canadian music scene
Ijeremy at last found freedom: A home with PIG. Now acting as our pigsclusive
I European correspondent (with Big Interviews up-coming with Ray Davies, The Saints
let al), he would like all his Toronto pals to know he is now busy gigging with
[his very own band, The Baracuda, and wonders, as do we all, why The Viletones
[aren't yet in London.

T5

16

WHATEVEO .9
HAPPENED ^Of

Veteran PIG PAPER readers will know
well of our search for renegade ex-
BEACH BOY DAVID MARKS, who subbed
for dental student AL JARDINE during
the "In My Room" days. We recently
dispelled the rumour that MARKS was
in fact teen actor- cum- hear throb
JOHNNY CRAWFORD of "Cindy's Birthday"
and "The Rifleman" fame. But even B.
Boy drummist DENNIS "She Was NOT Under
Age" WILSON, in a pigsclusive P.P. 6
Interview, failed to shed sun upon the
whereabouts of DAVID. Well, we've hope-
I fully solved the mystery for good! The
roving lens of JOHNNY PIG was alerted
to the man pictured at left who ROCK
SERLING stumbled upon at a New York
City rock convention this summer. This
fellow claims to be none other than D.
L. MARKS, and is shown shaking the
hands of well-wishing surfniks while
crooning "Little Miss America" as
letter-perfect as he did 17 years ago
on the first BB LP! True or False?
Heads you win - Tails I lose.

JOE STRUMMER is still bored with the
USA, but he's a trifle miffed that
Columbia Records Of America has yet
to issue any of his CLASH product
Stateside. So, as you can see by this,
his most recent publicity pic, JOE has
undertaken severe exterior redecorating
and affected a more acceptable Barry
McGuire look. He's also busy preparing
a medley of PAUL SIMON ditties for the
first US-released CLASH single. Has JOE |
sold out? "Just put it down to career
opportunities" STRUMMER sez.

SHAHN K " MAK " '

Hey, kids! Did any of you know that
The Diodes did NOT release the first
local punk album? That distinction
belongs to the late and lately-
lamented Ugly Ducklings, whose SOME
WHERE OUTSIDE LP appeared in 1966.
John Hamilton of the just-mentioned
Diodes claims that all the Toronto
punkheads know about the Ducks, and
the quintet's "Just In Case You
Wonder" 45 was a fave on the old
Crash' n' Burn jukebox, though every-
one insisted it was the Roogilators
From Space or something. You see,
unfortunately, most people just know
nothing about this great band.
The Ugly Ducklings (originally named
The Strolling Bones) got together in
a Scarborough, Ontario high school
around 1965. As their lead singer
Dave Byngham revealed to PIG recent-
ly, "The Ducks and The Haunted in
Montreal were the only bands in
Canada doing Stones material. Back
then, everyone else was doing Beatle
stuff".

Other original Ducklings were John
Read (bass), Glynn Bell (rhythm
guitar) , Roger Mayne (lead guitar) ,
and Robin Boers (drums) .
Their first record, "Nothin"',
featured a kinky raunch guitar that
sounds almost like Dave "Death Of A
Clown" Davies (or Jimmy Page, de-
pending on which fable you subscribe
to). The song blasted into -Toronto ' s
Top Ten and was followed by three
other nits, including the classic
"Gaslight", which hit Number One.
In an up -coming column, I'll present
an in-depth chat with Dave Byngham,
who is fortunately still very much
alive but is too busy to talk at the
moment coz he's in the middle of
moving. Meanwhile, haunt the bargain
bins and delete zones everywhere for
Ugly Ducklings records - get them
now while they're going for a dime.
Because someday, someone, somewhere
will unearth the band's material and
re-issue it to death at inflat-o
prices. Mind you, this music is worth
hearing at any price. To make your
shopping easier, I've enclosed a
handy Ducks Discography.
8 -

The UGLY
DUCKLINGS

Every so often, opportunity lends
itself to a person or persons, de-
serving or otherwise, in one fashion
or another, for a moment or two.
Several months ago, in a fit of pas-
sion, opportunity laid itself fare, for
a quiet, dedicated group of 5 —
"THE UGLY DUCKLINGS". It
came as a record called "NOTHIN"
and a lot of work on the part of the
group; along with that moment of
opportunity, made NOTHIN a hit.
So, they wrote, "SHE AIN'T NO
USE TO ME", and recorded it and
put it on the market, and it too be-
came a hit.

They have also released an L.P.
called "SOMEWHERE OUT-
SIDE". At about the same time, the
"DUCKS" single, "THAT'S JUST
THE THOUGHT THAT I HAD
IN MY MIND, and "JUST IN
CASE YOU WONDER", was re-
leased. Both the album and the
single are indicative of the "UGLY
DUCKLINGS" ingenious style and
quality of recording and writing.

GLYNN BELL, is the "UGLY
DUCKLINGS" rhythm guitarist,
and is probably the 'least' ugly
DUCKLING, of them all. Glynn
plays guitar, some mouthorgan
(harmonica) and has even tried the
Bagpipes. He is a Jaguar fan, and
hails originally from England. The
PRETTY THINGS, the WHO, and
PAUL REVERE AND THE
RAIDERS, are his favourite groups,
and hot tea and cold tea are his
likes and dislikes in that order,
Glynn, who's long blonde hair once
hung well below his shoulders has
had a haircut, pity!

ROGER MAYNE, is the lead
guitarist for the group, and stands
as perhaps the most regal soul of
all. With green eyes, blonde hair,
and an overbearing manner, Roger
carries a good many fans over the
threshold of ecstasy every time he
smiles. Aside from orange sodas,
Roger Ramjet and pretzels, Roger
carries a torch for "SOMEWHERE
OUTSIDE", the Lovin' Spoonful,
Roger Miller, Mad Magazine, a
Cooper Climax and Jake the Bear.

JOHN READ is the bass guitar-
ist for the "DUCKS" ... He is the
proud owner of two basses and a
guitar and is most fond of all three.
John's musical tastes run from the
Blues to Butterscotch. Lady Jeze-
belle, (a brown, black, and white
beagle) is his best friend and PAUL
REVERE AND THE RAIDERS,
his favourite group. Yorktown is
his recording label, and Barbra
Streisand shares the limelight along
with Gene Autry as his favourite
vocalist. So much for John.

ROBERT BOERS, is the
DUCK'S drummer. Blue eyes,
brown hair, self-taught, loves Rocky
and Bullwinkle, that's our Bob.
Pizza and applesauce make it as
food of the day, and progressive
jazz makes it as tops in listening
enjoyment. Unlike the rest of the
group, Robert went to West Hill
Collegiate, "but we won't hold it ,
against him".

DAVE BYNGHAM, is lead
singer and harmonica player, who
claims he never entered show busi-
ness. Dave is a coffee and fair play
man for breakfast; a pierced arrow
and Chuck berry for lunch; and
"SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE", for
dinner. Some diet eh Dave?

These then are the "UGLY
DUCKLINGS".

1966 NOTHIN'/I CAN TELL (Yorktown 45001)

1966 10:30 TRAIN/SHE AIN'T NO USE TO ME (Yorktown Y-4S002)

1966 THAT'S JUST A THOUGHT THAT I HAD IN MY MIND/JUST IN CASE YOU WONDER

(mis-titled JUST IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING) (Yorktown Y 45003)

1967 POSTMAN'S FANCY/NOT FOR LONG (Yorktown Y 45005)
1967 GASLIGHT/RIMB NUGGET (Yorkville YV 45013)

1967 I KNOW WHAT TO SAY/EPILOGUE (Yorkville YV 4S0I7)
LP

1966 SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE (Yorktown YT 50.001)

(A: Nothin 1 , Do What You Want, She Ain't No Use To Me, Just In Case
You Wonder, Not For Long, Ain't Gonna Eat Out My Heart Any More)

(B: Hey Mama(Keep Your Big Mouth Shut), 10:30 Train, That's Just A
Thought I Had In My Mind, Postman ' s Fancy.Windy City(Noise At The
North End)

ALSO

1968 GASLIGHT appeared on YORKVILLE EVOLUTION album (Yorkville YVM 33001)
1968 EPILOGUE appeared on AFTER FOUR album (Yorkville YVM 33003)

i

.-x*y£&.

A DELETE ZONE REVIEW
by Rock Serling

DESTROY ALL MONSTERS hae the 1968 Inoslilro Honda, TOHO FILMS Monster spec-
tacular, has a Michigan new-wave power-pop band to nark Its 10th anniversary.
Torontonlans got their first ta»te of the group from Ann Arbor at the Horshoe
Tavern June 1st, 2nd, 3rd. The outfit caae Into Hogtown with sparse publicity
In mags like CHEEM ( nice colour plk) and Rock Scene plus several boxes of
their Initial single release.

Just as interesting as the present stated of affairs are for the group,
so is a little hlBtory of the group and its make-up. There are two Millers,
one plays the sax,( SHADES OF DENIS PAYTON!), maybe there we have a brother
act-. There is an ex-STTOGES, Ronnie Asheton and ex-MC5-er Mike Davis. Rob
King is the skins beater. But th« lead singer Is a story all to her own. Her
nana is Niagara like the Falls and has her hands very full when up there on
stage. In one hand, of course is the Mike, and in the other is an Identifiable
pink can of Sugar free Tab. Rumour has It that she is an avowed pastry freak
[ and that she went to Bexkely High in 72. She and rhythm guitarist Cary Loren
founded the five In 73 but the ST00GE-MC5 additions are recent,

Cn stage let it Is hard to divide one's attention between studying
J the lead work of Amheton and the bass work of Davis,and the vocals of Nie.
She has a voice that approximates accurately the sound and tone of boredom
I and apathy. Witness the verse and chorus in the BORED side of their single.
I But what the heal, that is perfect for their cover of Nancy Sinatra's
I THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING. Oh yes, she can crank up the voice from
this motoring state into a post-adolescent acreech (You're Gonna die Die DIE!!!)

Her dress Is equally unique, with this get-up she had on that night,
A flame orange vinyl -or was It leather?- mini skirt and a compact corset-
bra. Her flame red-orange-bronze hair-doo looks like it was dried out using
the house fan. Having never seen Blondle and Debby Harry for that matter,
I'll not know at this moment how much she, Niagara patterned her stage
presence after Dabby.

Niag's talents do not end here, she drew the front jacket lllo for
the IBDI surprise single as well as the label design. And both of the •
^5*8 songs have here In the writing credit. Wowf, another Patti Smith.
The slnglefe songs axe a collection of power pop near hewy mettul
with strong guitar parts, machine gun drumming and snaring and both bear
the strangely affecting vocals of Niagara. You can cut the frustration and
boredom of I'M BORED and YOU'RE GONNA DIE ah, has a surprise ending.

In the Japanese D.A.M., TOHO's monsters, lead by GODZILLA and radio-
active mates, went on to sack the world and the* up and going Michigan
Monsters should have little trouble doing the same. I look forward to
an album If It is in the wind and a return to Toronto.

SUICIDE, also on the DESTROY ALL MONSTERS-TEENAGE HEAD Horseshoe bill
are a duo who are very much off the punk path. I deem it hazardous to
whole Hy lump them in with the mainstream of punk, for there is not
one guitar or drum *• the group plays. Martin Rev is the assault officer
behind the synthesizer, percussion-rhythm box, and cassette unit he
plays. While he lays out * loud almost fire alarmese riff patterns lead
singer Alan Vega, no relation to the car, iggles around the stage like a
controlled and caged tiger occasionally darting into the crowd to raise
the skin of those in the front rows. And that is what he did to those
of us who hung around out of sheer curiosity. While you're viewing Martin
who is wearing sunglasses found in a sci-fi movie where people have- to
shield there eyes from an atonic blast or solar eclipse, Alan shakes
around and changes vocal gears randomly. The group's main claim to fame
is a Mysteron-Dalek cover version of 96 TEARS. It is as fascinating and
innovative as DEVO's Satiifactlon.

I was laid out by this unit and they have an album selling somewhere
in limited quantities, and if you like this form of avant-garde offbeat
neo-punk KRAFTWERKian rock riot then get it. And catch them If you can
live, BECAUSE you'll never be the same after committing SUICIDE.

DESTROY AH MOHSTI RS"

mmmo XOLOR..B£RKEY.PATHE fcl Sjgjjj »«Sffi«*- M ?

.American international™ MOTHRA' GODZILLA* RODAN MANDA 11

119

JOB: to play pop music.
PURPOSE: to find the female Beatles,
Stones, Who, Shangri-las of the 70s!

THIS COULD BE YOU!

DAVID JOHANSEN

including;

Funky But Chic/Girls

Frenchette/Pain In My Heart/Cool Metro

it as that they held K

wily to a stage. J^— — 7

and style. ""C^A-ff/

We're looking for the girls who will take up where Suil Quatro and Fonny leave off, ■>

the kind of girls who always dreamed they were In a Phil Specter group, girls with the de-
sire and ability to carve out a place for women in '70s rock as significant as that they held K
In the '60s. Girls who can bring hysteria, magic, beauty and teep authoril
Girls with youth, energy, dedication, wildness, discipline, dedication and s

If you think you're such a girl, or know of one, pay attention . Who Put the Bomp, \ /"*-^iv

along with Kim Fowley(renowned maker of stars) is sponsoring a contest to uncover new tal- y
ent in this field. The contest is open to all-girl bands, solo girls who sing or play an instru-
ment, or any combination thereof) Entries will be judged by Kim Fowley and a panel of Bomp
editors. Winners will be flown to Hollywood where demo records will be cut and the product
(hopefully) sold to a mo|or record label . Runners-up will receive a free 3-year subscription to
Bomp and a free girl-group record of our choice. Send demo tape, photo and bio to: GIRLS,

RECORD REVIEW

B-DAY

THE B-GIRLS

(GNP/Bomp 2107)

Good girls like bad boys. We like bad girls: They're more fu
i Bad girls like bad boys. Good boys are good buys. Sometimes B-Girls
| don't wear white. Write B-Girls Fan Club: 798 Richmond Street
J Apartment 652, Toronto, Ontario, Canada (367- 1 7^+2)

run .

West,

CONCERT
REVIEW

CRASH AND BARN

SIMPLY SAUCER / TEENAGE HEAD

(Friday, June 23, 1978)

This show was scheduled at some unknown barn on the outskirts of
! Hamilton, Ontario, so me and my brother drove out there. First act
I was Edgar Breau: Solo, on acoustic guitar, because the rest of the
Saucer were on holiday that night. He did a set of folk-styled
numbers to an appreciative crowd. After finishing the set, he was
joined onstage by Frankie Venom and Steve Mahon for a modern-day
interpretation of the Crosby Stills & Nash sound. All three said
"We're taking a break now" and walked off stage, punching each other
in the head until it finally degenerated into a brawl. The three of
them then continued outside. Now came the long wait for Teenage Head
: who were supposed to come on at midnight. There was quite a line-up
by now, and at 11:50 Head came on to tumultuous applause. They began
their set With a new number: A really good fast one. In the middle
I of the song Gord Lewis apologized for the shitty sound system. Head
: began their second song: A slow one and a new one, and then a guy

from the audience began pull'ng at Frankie's leg. But Frankie carried;
Ion regardless. Just then Chris Hate jumped onstage and beat the shit
•out of the guy pulling Frankie's leg as the song finished. Unfortu-
: nately word of the bomb scare had got around, and the barn was evac-
: uated and everybody went away. My brother went home to sleep on a
: neighbour's front lawn and I went home to walk around my front lawn
for the rest of the night.

PIG wants YOUR record reviews And
PIG wants YOUR records to review!

DAVID JOHANSEN
DAVID JOHANSEN
(Columbi a/Blue Sky PZ-34926)

Uh oh , folks: It's another review by Arnold
"Wannahearmylifestory?" The Pig. Well, maybe I'm
a little long-winded and I can't help it if this
album, like the one I taught you about in the
last issue, is by a former New York Doll. It just
so happens that the Dolls were a gas, and that
the new wave just might not have happened without
them.

So David Johansen, the Dolls' singer, has his
own alb w out now and, Yes, it is Great. Just
great. How could an album that starts off with a
song called "Funky But Chic" be bad? As for
"Funky But Chic", it's sorta disco-punk but the
guitars are pretty loud and Sarah Dash and Nona
Hendryx of Labelle make it sound good.

The best song on the record is "Pain In My
Heart". It's so good it makes you yearn to vop,
pogo, pony, eat a greasy hamburger, play pinball,
and hang out. Super stuff with Felix "Rascal"
Cavaliere playing organ, Stan Bronstein on horns,
multi-vocals, a good beat, a catchy chorus, and,
and Gosh, It's Great!

"Donna" is a romantic 3/4-time song with lotsa
coo-ing and great singing from Dave. "Frenchette"
is anoth er girl song but it starts off slow and
builds dramatically, like Springsteen's "Thunder
Road" except louder.

The remainder is fast, loud, tough rock'n'roll.
DJ Himself is without equal when it comes to
singing. As sarcastic and ridiculous as some of
the songs are, Davey always manages to sound
sincere. His phrasing and his lyrics are unique.
The band is more than just competent, which is
really something these days: Raw-cuss when they
should be and quiet when Johansen sings.

As opposed to (although not necessarily better
than) the powerpop of The Ramones, this is main-
stream rock'n'roll: Lots of nifty arrangements,
spontane qjs improvision (where did these big words
come from?!) and you can dance to it! So if punk
is wearing thin with you (and it should be by now)

Get this LP. ,, _. _.

-Arnold The Pig

IMP

This sfflWWf

ttCnshVBarn-

Carnegie Hall Concert % \

..BUCK OWENS |i
AND HIS I
BUCKARCBS

, BLONDIE PLASTIC LETTERS (Chrysalis CHR-1166): Keyboardist
James Destri has abandoned his beloved Farfisa organ in
favour of the dreaded Roland synthesizer all over this
disc. Consequently, "Denis" is the only cut that has more
than the title going for it. Therefore, it went Top Ten
in England. SIX OINKS
BOYS THE BOYS (Nems NEL-6001)

ALTERNATIVE CHARTBUSTERS (Nems NEL-601S): I'm afraid
that like most Canadian consumers I wrongly overlooked
these two wonders from the golden year of 1977. Thankfully
I.Mants came to my rescue. Let me now come to yours by ad-'
vising you scarf up at least one of this twosome immediat-
t r ' a "" com P leteJ y satisfied, send proof of purchase to

' am am n »p T P mf naUy S£nd y0U hate mail - TEN 0INKS EA CH
, ALLAN CLARKE I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY (Atlantic KSD-19175):
He s left The Hollies again, but this time for better, I
must admit. Overall, this LP tops The Hollies' last few,
and that's real hard for me to say because I LUV The Hollies
but hate Allan Clarke. Mainly coz he's such a prick at press
functions. But then again so was John Lennon SEVEN OINKS
, (COUNT] BISHOPS BISHOPS LIVE! (Chiswick CH-7) : Habit is to
clump the Counts into the late pub/early punk era, but that
doesn t do anyone justice. Despite sounding cliche, I'm just
have to going to say BISHOPS LIVE is a great rock'n'roll
r f°™ " noth mg more, nothing less - in the grand tradition

the ^ sniff ™ " VE AN ° ° UT ° F SIGHT AT PJ ' S a " d ™ AND
r THE KASUALS LIVE AT THE STUDIO CLUB. NINE OINKS

/§Lp§eOSmiO "STRANGER IN THE HOUSE"/"NEAT NEAT NEAT" (Radar
/SAM-83) and LAST YEAR'S MODEL (Time Warp WARP-1): My hate of
Declan is well known and well documented, and that score of
NINE OINKS below must surprise you, but despite two dung-
filled LPs, I believe there's hope. And as always, it lies
in a 7-incher as opposed to a 12. The Radar 45 came as a
„™^ *?. thE flrSt million or so buyers of the UK THIS YEARS
MODEL. Stranger..." shows that The King would be better off
on Hee Haw than Saturday Night Live. "Neat Neat Neat" tears
The Damned apart, believe it or not. LAST YEAR'S MODEL is an
EP illegally pressed from Columbia-Canada's ELVIS COSTELLO
LIVE AT THE EL MOCAMBO promo album, and shows The King should
not release studio albums. Search both of these out and
while you're at it, ditch his 12-inchers. NINE OINKS EACH
J THE DIODES "TIRED OF WAKING UP TIRED'V'CHILD STAR" (Epic E4-
/,4186): I've pulled my typewriter into the closet so I can say
this without fear of execution: I like The Diodes new single.
Ured... , even though it's got real dumb words (that aren't
helped any by the REAL dumb singer), is a cute little bop.
And Child Star" was the only good cut on their album. So
there: I like The Diodes new single. (Would it help any to say
I now hate The Cads EP?) SEVEN OINKS
I™ DISHES H0T PROPERTY (Regular R-02) : I watched the year-old
television film of a Dishes concert instead of the news last
night.. That, plus this new EP of theirs, leads me to one un-
escapable judgement: The Dishes should release a live
record. Either that or find a producer who can make them sound
even half as good as they really are the next time they step
into the studio. I volunteer. SEVEN OINKS
I AN DURY NEW BOOTS AND PANTIES!! (Stiff STF-002): I've never

been able to figure this guy out. FIVE OINKS
WILDMAN FISCHER WILDMANIA! (Rhino RNLP-1): Ahhh, now this is
more like it! There's three reasons why I'm relocating in
L.A. as soon as I can. This record is one of them. TEN OINKS
l GE NER ATION X GENERATION X (Chrysalis CHR-1169): The album of

1978 (so far). TEN OINKS
THE KINKS MISFITS (Arista AB-4167): Maybe it's because the band
just lost their keyboardist and bassist. Or maybe it's because
Kinks have been at it for fifteen years. But MISFITS is like the
first grey hair or the first heart attack: Signs of approaching
death. SIX OINKS
V> MINK DeVILLE RETURN TO MAGNETA (Capitol SW-11780): Willy 6 Co.
sound like they're coasting. A bit early in the game for that
isn't it? SIX OINKS
p NEW LEGION ROCK SPECTACULAR WILD ONES (Spectacular SPLP-7777) : It
was 'way back on Page 25 of PIG PAPER 6 that I first immortalised
these guys in print. So grateful were they that they sent me a
copy of their only LP to date. All the way from Brookfield,
Wisconsin! Air Mail!! Needles to say it's fantabulous. For your
own copy, write Lee at PO Box 588, Brookfield 53005. And, Gary
Topp , if you're listening: They're only charging $2000 for a
Canadian concert tour! TEN OINKS
^999 999 (United Artists UAG-30199): Nice cover. 666 OINKS
^OJHO OKINAWA (OHO NR-4579) : I get a lot of WEIRD records in the

mail, believe me. If you don't, write 8 Cedar Ave. Apt. B,
^ Baltimore MD 21204 for this one. FOUR OHOINKS

^ PALEY BROTHERS THE PALEY BROTHERS (Sire 9147-6052): Produced in
The Beach Boys' studio by Earle Mankey: How could it be anything
but stupendous? Dwight Twilley taken one step ahead. NINE OINKS
\ TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! (Shelter
; 9309-52029): Am I? SIX OINKS

^ PLASTIC BERTRAND PLASTIC BERTRAND (Vogue V0-1S008) : I must agree
with it looks like everyone else and proclaim this as one of the
year's top newcomers (along with The Rutles) . I only wish I
hadn't dropped French in Grade 10. EIGHT OINKS
THE POINT ORIGINAL CAST RECORDING (MCA MCF-2826) : The soundtrack
of the British stage adaptation of Harry Nilsson's 1970 album is
a landmark in that it heralds the triumphant return of ex-Monkees
Mickey and Davy. Not quite as potent as Capitol's DOLENZ JONES
B0YCE AND HART but I'm not complaining. NINE OINKS
IGGY POP TV EYE (RCA AFL1-2796): The only act which has released
more albums in the past twelve months is that other famous RCA
stiff Elvis. FIVE OINKS
PORK DUKES "MAKING BACON"/"TIGHT PUSSY" (Wood BRANCH- 9) : It's on

yellow vinyl isn't it? SEVEN OINKS
RADIO BIRDMAN RADIOS APPEAR (Sire 9147-6050): I wrote these guys a
letter a year ago that I still haven't got a reply from. Regarding
this debut LP: I know I've heard it all somewhere before. It must
be alot like Canada in Australia. FOUR OINKS (if they had've
answered my letter they would've got a FIVE)
v TOM ROBINSON BAND POWER IN THE DARKNESS (Capitol STB-11778): I like
J it. (I like girls too) SEVEN OINKS

> THE ROLLING STONES SOME GIRLS (Rolling Stones COC-39108) : Pretty
good considering, but there's something definately missing: That
something drowned nine years ago. SIX OINKS
^ THE ROMANTICS "LITTLE WHITE LIES"/"I CAN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING"
; (Spider SPDR-101): This is a great little single. My industry spies
tell me these guys are headed for bigger (but better?) things at
Columbia Records this fal 1 .^ J^INE OINKS

REVIEWS

THE RUNAWAYS LIVE IN JAPAN (Mercury SRM-l-374u, : Budget domestic" - '
press ing of the expensive Oriental import for those of you who
haven't yet had the thrill of seeing The Runaways live. (For LP
review, see ELVIS COSTELLO: LAST YEAR'S MODEL) EIGHT OINKS
THE SAINTS ETERNALLY YOURS (Harvest SHSP-4078) : Like Eddie And The
Hot Rods' LIFE ON THE LINE, the first song on ETERNALLY YOURS is
the band's best ever and the rest is just the rest. SEVEN OINKS
SEX PISTOLS SPUNK/LIVE IN ATLANTA/LIVE AT WINTERLAND (bootlegs -
label (and cuts) depend on where you buy them): If the Pistols are
ever awarded Gold Discs for NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS they should go
to Chris Thomas, Bill Price, Malcolm McLaren, and, most of all,
H^ iS , Sp ? dding - SPUNK . however, contains a demo of "Anarchy In The
UK that's better than the released version. SEVEN/THREE/TWO OINKS
SHAKIN' STREET VAMPIRE ROCK (Columbia PCC-90479): First The Diodes

then this: This sure ain't a good year for Columbia. FIVE OINKS
SNEAKERS IN THE RED (Car CRR-3) : Spiffy mini-album featuring a fine
twenty-second adaptation of a Mexican folk tune. (I TOLD you I get
a lot of weird records: Write 89 Bleecker Street Suite 2-C NYC
10012 for this one). SIX OINKS
D? F L, B °y S "WADING THROUGH A VENTILATOR"/ "THE FACE OF DEATH"/"HEAR MY
BRANE' (Raw 5-B): Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous. For those of you still"
into the sounds of '77, listen to this for the sounds of '79 TEN '
STARR, RINGO "BAD BOY" (Portrait PR-3S378): Ex-Beatle becomes Elvis/
Vegas Seventies tune slaughterer. Still beats LONDON TOWN though.

TELEVISION ADVENTURE (Elektra 6E-133)
Consequently, SEVEN OINKS

VARIOUS ARTISTS STIFFS LIVE (Arista STF-0001)

CHISWICK CHARTBUSTERS VOLUME TWO (Chiswick CH-S) : One
of my favourite bands of all time back again with TWO albums, still
in a punk vein. The Arista set is a live one, and as such is fairly
electric. The Chiswick set, however, is studio, 'but not too-so. Both
albums far exceed their usual K-Tel output though. SIX/EIGHT OINKS

WRECKLESS ERIC WRECKLESS ERIC (Stiff Seez.B-6): Is this supposed to
be a 78 or what? Sounds too much like Donald "Disco" Duck when it is
Oh well, what can you expect from the birthplace of Elvis Costello
and The Damned? FOUR OINKS

Z00M "MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH"/"SWEET DESPERATION" (Riot! 1001): A
1976 item re-issued because the band (Johnny "7" Hamilton, Chris
"Kris" Hate) are now more popular elsewhere (Diodes, Viletones). For
Canadian pre-punk enthusiasts only. FIVE OINKS

GARY PIG

Ov'*t

Mine didn't come on red vinyl. <

/ Introducing EDGAR of SIMPLY SAUCER in

BIINDATE

IN WHICH PEOPLE
REVIEW STUFF BUT
ARE NOT TOLD
WHAT THEY ARE
REVIEWING UNTIL
AFTER THEY HAVE
REVIEWED IT.

GLEASON

I How Sweet It Is
For Lovers

THAT HIDEOUS STRENGTH "A NIGHT AT THE SPACE OPERA"
(Aware 45-000): Bela Lagosi and "Sally Can't Dance"
CELEBRATION "ALMOST SUMMER" (MCA 40891): It's got a
good beat. That's so we can understand the vocals.
PETER HOLSAPPLE "BIG BLACK TRUCK" (Car CRR-5) : I
hate this record. It sounds like a country f, western
song. The guy sounds like a trucker. It started off
good but then it got really obnoxious.

THE RAMONES "BABYSITTER" (Sire SRE-1017): These
guys sound like they've spawned many imitators.
DESTROY ALL MONSTERS "BORED" (Idbi EEEE-1): Look
over there somewhere and that's how you feel when
you hear this record.

HALF JAPANESE "DREAM DATE" (50,000,000,000 000 000
000,000 Volts 7084-18): It's a hit, folks!

^ THE BIZARROS "IT HURTS, JANEY" (Clone CL-003) : This
• is awful.

J KEN KAISER

"I LOVE YOU LAURIE"

u (Kleen Kut KK-514):
^This is like a phone that won't stop ringing.

$ HARVEY GOLD "I KEEP A CLOSE WATCH" (Clone CL-005) •
5 Is this some kind of joke?

; ALTERNATIVE T.V. "LOVE LIES LIMP" (S.G. .75 RPS) :
SThis is Edgar Breau speaking: This record has no
^redeeming virtue. It's awful. I can say 100% that it
J is awful and know it is awful. However, I've got
; nothing against whoever made this record, but whoever'
Jit was, they should go out and get regular jobs.
; There's so many bands now that are hyped. All I can
J say is "Go home".

IN HUEY "ROBERT TAKES THE ROAD TO LIEBERNAWASH"
A miss. Mercy!

Mercy! Mercy!

THE OLD RUGGED CROSS

WAYNE NEWTON *-*

%.,

(Clone CL-004)

STANLEY FRANK "S'COOL DAYS" (Attic AT-130): This is
like when I used to be in school adding up different
columns of numbers. I'd have about eight columns and
I'd pick numbers at random: 5,3,9,8 6 3 2 10 8 9 1
7,6,3,8,7,9,9,1,0,2,4,5,6,7,10. I'd get to' tne'bottom
ot the page then I'd go to the next column: 7,6,3,10
9,5,4,8,9,8,7,4,8,8,3,2,1. Like old notebook paper. I
would have columns all down the page and then I'd add
them all up. It was just like a horse race. One
column would be the winner. That's what this record's
like. It's really repetitive, but any record that is
this repetitive can be really great! Things can
always be the same but you can still like it.

- THE CURSE "SHOESHINE BOY" (Hi-Fi HF-001) : I wouldn't
: listen to this in my spare time.

: THE WAITRESSES "SLIDE" (Clone CL-006): When you
don't like something you don't even think what you
have to say. You just take it off.

SIMPLY SAUCER "SHE'S A DOG" (Pig PIG-1): I gotta
; get another drink

: . T . HE CRAMPS "SURFIN' BIRD" (Vengeance 666): How
: did I put up with it for this long?

: THE DARK SIDE "SWEET PROMISES" (Go Hog B-002):
: Making stupid records is a real art.

• X-RAY SPEX "THE DAY THE WORLD TURNED DAYGLO" (X-
. Ray Spex INT-553): Who will point the accusing
: finger? Males do not understand other males.

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Is There an
Invisible Influence
Upon Our Lives?

trier

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of intelligent beings? Certainly the phenomenon of life is not a chance one.
Somewhere in the countless shining orbs are minds . , , how puny by compari-
son in mental and psychic stature we may be! Those strange, inexplicable
feelings we have at times , . , are they a tugging from the recesses. of space
upon our senses? Are they the effort of Cosmic beings t o reach out — to find
a bond of communication with earth?

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