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Full text of "Beau Brummel; a play in four acts"

NRLF 



B 3 BEE MMfl 



BEAU BRUMMEL 



NOTE 

THE idea of this Play was Richard 
Mansfield s, and the author gratefully 
acknowledges his debt to the actor for 
innumerable suggestions. 



<* THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 




BEAU 
BRUMMEL 

A Play in Four Acts 

Written for 

RICHARD MANSFIELD 

By 

CLYDE FITCH 




New York 

JOHN LANE COMPANY 
MCMVIII 



OF THg 

UNIVERSITY 



OF 



COPYRIGHT 1908 BY 

JOHN LANE COMPANY 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



This play is fully protected by the copyright law, all requirements of 
which have been complied with. In its present printed form it is dedicated 
to the reading public only, and no performance of it may be given with 
out the written permission of Mrs. Richard Mansfield, owner of the 
acting rights, who may be addressed in care of the publisher. 

The subjoined is an extract from the law relating to copyright. 

SEC. 4966. Any person publicly performing or representing any 
dramatic or musical composition for which a copyright has been obtained, 
without the consent of the proprietor of said dramatic or musical compo 
sition, or his heirs or assigns, shall be liable for damages therefor, such 
damages in all cases to be assessed at such sum not less than $100.00 for 
the first and $50.00 for every subsequent performance, as to the court 
shall appear to be just. 

If the unlawful performance and representation be wilful and for 
profit, such person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and upon 
conviction be imprisoned for a period not exceeding one year. 




The PERSONS of the PLAY 



The Prince of Wales (Heir apparent to the throne of 

England) 

Beau Brummel (Prince of dandies) 
Richard Brinsley Sheridan (Playwright) 
Reginald Courtenay (Nephew to the Beau) 
Mortimer (Valet and confidential servant to the Beau) 
Mr. Oliver Vincent (A self-made merchant, father of 

Mariana) 

Lord Manly (A fop) 
Mr. Abrahams (A money lender) 
Bailiffs 

Prince s Footman 
Simpson (Footman to Beau) 
The Duchess of Leamington (Middle-aged, but very anxious 

to appear young) 
Mariana Vincent (Young and beautiful, beloved by Beau 

and Reginald) 
Mrs. St. Aubyn (Passee but still beautiful very anxious 

to captivate the Prince but unwilling to resign the 

Beau) 

Kathleen (Irish maid of Mariana) 
Lady Farthingale (Pretty insipid) 
A French Lodging-house Keeper 
A Nurse 




The FIRST ACT 

FIRST SCENE The morning toilet. Mr. Brummel 
despatches a proposal of marriage, assists his 
nephew, and sends for a new tailor. 

SECOND SCENE The Beau receives a number of 
friends and makes an unfortunate blunder. 



The SECOND ACT 

A small and early party at Carlton House. 
Mr. Brummel proposes to an heiress and repri 
mands a Prince. 



The THIRD ACT 

The Mall and how it came about that Mr. 
Brummel had a previous engagement with His 
Majesty. 



The FOURTH ACT 

FIRST SCENE (six months later) Mr. Brummel s 
lodgings in Calais. 

SECOND SCENE The attic at Caen. A very poor 
dinner with an excellent dessert. 




THIS play was first produced at the Madison 
Square Theatre by Richard Mansfield, on 
May //, 1890. The 2$oth representation 
took place at the Garden Theatre, on January 
30, 1891. 



The CAST on this OCCASION was 



Beau Brummel .... 
The Prince of Wales . . 
Richard Brinsley Sheridan . 

Lord Manly 

Reginald Courtenay . 

Mortimer 

Mr. Abrahams . 

Simpson 

Bailiffs 

Prince s Footman 
Mr. Oliver Vincent . 
Mariana Vincent 

Kathleen 

The Duchess of Leamington . 
Lady Farthingale .... 
French Lodging-house Keeper 

Nurse 

Mrs. St. Aubyn 



MR. RICHARD MANSFIELD 
MR. D. H. HARKINS 
MR. A. G. ANDREWS 
MR. H. G. LONSDALE 
MR. VINCENT STERNROYD 
MR. W. J. FERGUSON 
MR. HARRY GWYNETTE 
MR. SMILES 

MR. GWYNETTE and MR. 
IVAN PERONETTE 

MR. F. F. GRAHAM 
MR. W. H. CROMPTON 
Miss BEATRICE CAMERON 
Miss ETHEL SPRAGUE 
MRS. JULIA BRUTONE 
Miss HELEN GLIDDEN 
Miss HAZEL SELDEN 
Miss GENEVRA CAMPBELL 
Miss ADELA MEASOR 



THE FIRST ACT 



SCENE ONE 



OF THE \ 

4IVER6ITY I 




BEAU BRUMMEL 

THE FIRST ACT 

SCENE ONE 

The scene represents the BEAU S dressing-room. A cheerful 
room furnished more like a lady s boudoir than a man s 
dressing-room. A handsome dressing-table covered with 
a bewildering array of silver-topped bottles stands at the 
left. A large cheval glass stands in front of a bay window 
opening out on a balcony. The curtains are open. The 
door at the back leads into the BEAU S bedroom. A table 
stands at one side with books and papers in precise 
order. A door at the left-hand side leads into an ante 
room where visitors are detained until the great man 
wishes to see them. 

MORTIMER, the BEAU S valet and really confidential servant, 

is discovered sitting on sofa, head back, face covered with 

handkerchief; has evidently been asleep. It is about noon. 

[MORTIMER removes handkerchief, yawns and 

speaks.] 

MORTIMER. 

Up till four this morning! It was pretty lively at the 
club last night, but I have lost all my beauty sleep to pay 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

for it. I don t know how much longer we will be able to 
continue this style of living. Our nerves will give out if 
our credit doesn t. Mr. Brummel only turned over twice 
and then took to his chocolate. That means he will only 
be half an hour at his bath time for a nap. 

[Replaces handkerchief.] 
[Enter SIMPSON through door from anteroom. 
SIMPSON is the regulation footman, with 
powdered hair and livery.] 

SIMPSON. 

[At Left.] Mr. Mortimer, sir, Mr. Abrahams has 
just called. He particularly wishes to see you, sir. 

[Going toward MORTIMER.] 
MORTIMER. 

[Starting and removing handkerchief.] Hang Abrahams, 
what s he after? Dear me! It can t be that he thinks of 
collecting those I. O. U. s of mine. [Rising.] 

SIMPSON. 

[Who has a great respect for MORTIMER.] 
[Very deferentially.] Been losing again, sir? 

MORTIMER. 

[Loftily.] Yes, Simpson, pretty high stakes last night, 
and one must play, you know. 

SIMPSON. 

Mr. Mortimer, sir, you couldn t propose me in your 
club, could you, sir? 

MORTIMER. 

[Haughtily and then more kindly as he sees SIMPSON S 
downcast face.] No, Simpson, not in your present position, 
you know, but if you should ever raise yourself, depend 
upon me to use all my influence for you. 

SIMPSON. 

[Gratefully.] Oh, thank you, sir, I m sure, [going] but 
what about Mr. Abrahams, sir ? 

[12] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

V 

MORTIMER. 

[Seating himself.] Oh, damn Abrahams ! 

[Enter ABRAHAMS from anteroom, hat and cane 
in hand. ABRAHAMS is the typical Jew 
money lender oj the period, exaggerated in 
dress and manner.] 

ABRAHAMS. 

[As ABRAHAMS enters, SIMPSON crosses back of table and 
exits, giving ABRAHAMS a look of haughty disdain.] No 
you don t, Mr. Mortimer; no, you don t, not yet. Where s 
your master ? 

MORTIMER. 

Excuse me, where s my gentleman, you mean, Mr. 
Abrahams. [Rising.] I am a gentleman s gentleman; I 
have no master. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[At left center.] Oh, you haven t a master, haven t you ? 
Well, now, suppose I was to come down on you with some 
of your little I. O. U. s, I wonder then if you d have a 
master. Where s Mr. Brummel? 

MORTIMER. 
Mr. Brummel has not yet appeared. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Sitting down as if to wait.] Inform him that Mr. 
Abrahams wishes to see him. 

MORTIMER. 
[Shocked.] I repeat, sir, he is not up. 

ABRAHAMS. 

Well, then, my good fellow, it s time he were up. Tell 
him I said so. 

MORTIMER. 

It is as much as my position is worth, sir, to go to him 
at this hour. You must call again, Mr. Abrahams. 

[13] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Rising.] Call again ! Call again ! This is the seventh 
time I ve called again. 

MORTIMER. 

[Trying now to placate him.] Yes eh if you please, 
Mr. Abrahams. 

ABRAHAMS. 

No, sir; I must see him now. I m in need of money my 
self and I must get it from Mr. Brummel. My creditors 
are pressing me and they force me to do the same. [Loudly.] 
I regret the necessity, but I am determined upon seeing 
him. 

MORTIMER. 

[Who is so shocked he can hardly speak.] Not so loud, 
Mr. Abrahams, not so loud. If Mr. Brummel were to 
hear you, he d be distressed. Besides, he never tolerates 
any one who raises his voice unnecessarily. If he should 
hear you, you might never be paid. 

ABRAHAMS. 
[Aghast at the thought.] What ! [Loudly.] 

MORTIMER 
[Plands raised in horror.] Sh ! Sh ! 

ABRAHAMS. 
What! [Whispering in MORTIMER S ear.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Looking at ABRAHAMS out of the corner of his eye.] Upon 
my honor, Mr. Brummel was saying only yesterday he 
thought he would pay Mr. Abrahams. 

ABRAHAMS. 
[A little more calmly.] Then why hasn t he done so ? 

MORTIMER. 

Mr. Brummel only said it yesterday and Mr. Brummel 
never does anything in a hurry. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

ABRAHAMS. 

Is four years a hurry ? Well, this is the last time that I 
will be put off. Do you follow me the last time. And now, 
when am I to have your little sums ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Taking out handkerchief and wiping eyes.] Mine ! Oh, 
I have a wealthy aunt, who is now dying in Clapham, Mr. 
Abrahams, and I am her sole heir. I fear I must beg you 
to wait until after her funeral. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[At left center. Really puzzled.] It is very strange, a very 
large number of my clients have wealthy aunts who are 
dying, but they don t die. They all appear to be affected 
with a most lingering sickness. However, Mr. Brummel 
has no such relative, and I believe, on consideration, that 
I will wait for him this morning. [Sits in chair by table.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Who is now determined to get rid of him, crossing to 
ABRAHAMS.] No, really, Mr. Abrahams, you must go. 
Mr. Brummel would not see you until his toilet is com 
pleted; and, indeed, if he would, he could transact no 
business in deshabille. 

ABRAHAMS. 

In what? [Jumps up.] Oh, very well, very well; but 
advise him this is the last time I will be dismissed without 
seeing him. The next time I call I will see him whether he 
is in desh desh or nothing. I will have my money. I 
will have my money. 

[All the while he is saying this MORTIMER is 
pushing him gently off through the anteroom. 
MORTIMER ushers ABRAHAMS off at the left, 
then crosses to the right center, and turns 
away with a sigh of relief as SIMPSON enters 
very hurriedly.] 

[15] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

SIMPSON. 

Mr. Mortimer, sir, there are a number of people 
waiting with their accounts to see Mr. Brummel. What 
shall I say, sir ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Resignedly.] Get a list of their names, Simpson, and 
tell them I ll call around and see them to-day. 

SIMPSON. 
Very well, sir. 

[Exit SIMPSON through anteroom. A murmur 
of voices is heard there.] 

MORTIMER. 

Affairs are very shaky. It was only three days since 
Abrahams called. According to this he will return again 
to-morrow. [Sits in chair in front of dressing-case, makes 
himself comfortable and is about to fall asleep when KATH 
LEEN appears at door and peeps in.] 

KATHLEEN. 
[In door at left. Is Mariana s Irish maid, 

very pretty and piquant.] 
Pst! Pst! 

[MORTIMER starts and listens, then composes 
himself for another nap.] 

KATHLEEN. 
Pst! Pst! 

MORTIMER. 

[Still seated.] I did drink pretty heavily last night, but 
I hardly thought it affected me. 

KATHLEEN. 
Hello! 

MORTIMER. 
[Rising.] Who is it? What is it? 

[16] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

KATHLEEN. 

[Still in door. With pretty impatience.] Is it all right, 
can I come in ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Laughingly.] Look here, Kathleen, are you going to 
indulge in that sort of thing when we are married ? 

KATHLEEN. 
Can I come in ? [Comes in a jew steps.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Crossing to center.] Yes, it s all right now. Mr. Brum- 
mel is finishing the first part of his toilet; he won t be out 
for some time yet. Well, what do you want, you little 
minx ? [Chucks her under chin.] 

KATHLEEN. 

[Tossing her head] Minx, indeed ! [Crossing to right.] 
I dropped in to find out what s your intentions. Mr. Sheri 
dan s gentleman has become very pressing, in his, and 
won t be held off much longer. Now, is it marriage with 
you, Mr. Mortimer, or is it a breaking off, Mr. Mortimer? 
Am I to be worn in your coat like a flower and thrown 
aside when I m withered, or am I to be pressed in 
the album of your affections, Mr. Mortimer? I own 
there is an air about Mr. Brummel and I should not be 
averse to a connection with the family. [Quite seriously.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Just as seriously.] And I mean you shall have it, 
Kathleen, for you would become our position. But the 
fact is, I can t afford to marry while Mr. Brummel s 
money matters are so bad. I tell you his social position is 
like a halo, it is glory all round him, but there s a hollow 
in the middle. 

KATHLEEN. 

[With a sudden thought.] Mr. Mortimer ! We must marry 
Mr. Brummel ! First, we must procure a list of the heiresses. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 

[Slyly.] I understand there is a heap of money in your 
family. 

KATHLEEN. 

[Dubiously.] But there s one obstacle Miss Mariana s 
affections are already engaged. 

MORTIMER. 
Indeed, to whom? 

KATHLEEN. 

That s what I can t find out. The divvle never signs any 
of his letters. I can promise you one thing, he isn t very 
high, and Miss Mariana s father has forbid him the house 
and swears she shan t have him. Mr. Vincent, oh, ho! 
he s all for position and fashion. 

MORTIMER. 

[Puts arm around her waist and they walk up and down.] 
Then Mr. Vincent would be glad to marry her to Mr. 
Brummel. We ll enlist him on our side. Now there are 
two difficulties with Mr. Brummel first, he is, just at 
present, very friendly with Mrs. St. Aubyn. Still I think 
I can get him out of that predicament, and then you see 
Mr. Brummel is so demmed particular, the young lady 
must be correct to a hair in every respect 

KATHLEEN. 

[Affectedly.] Lord, Mr. Morty, you needn t worry 
yourself about that; ar n t I in her service? And what s 
the mailer with me? She s a very much a la mud and 
[crosses to mirror at right] correct in every particular. 
Mr. Mortimer, do you think you are as becoming to me 
as Mr. Sheridan s gentleman? 

[Beckoning to him, he comes up and looks over 
her shoulder in the glass.] 

MORTIMER. 
[Putting his arm around her and leading her away jrom 

[18] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

mirror.] Look, here, Kathleen, no tricks; and what are 
you doing out at this time of day ? 

KATHLEEN. 

[KATHLEEN and MORTIMER walk to and jro.] Why, 
Miss Mariana sent me over an hour back with this letter 
[holding up letter] for her young gentleman. They cor 
respond through me ; faith, I m turned into a regular post- 
bag. But I m afraid I ve missed him this time. 

MORTIMER. 

[Laughingly.] You will have to miss him quite regu 
larly when we begin to break it off between your young 
mistress and her lover and supplant him with my gentle 
man. 

BEAU 

[BEAU S voice in distance from bedroom.] 
Mortimer 1 Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir! [Alarmed.] That s Mr. Brummel! 

KATHLEEN. 

[Starts of) lejt.] Lord ! I m off. [Pointing to dressing table.] 
Oh, Morty ! Is that where he sits and does it ? [MoRTi- 
MER nods.] Couldn t I see him? 

MORTIMER. 

[With horror.] What ! Before he s finished ? Gracious 
heavens ! No ! 

KATHLEEN. 

[Crossing to door to anteroom.] Well, I am going. I m 
loathe to leave ye; good-by be faithful. [Throws kiss.] 

[Exit KATHLEEN. Enter BEAU from door into 
bedroom. He enters slowly as though it were 
too much trouble to come in. He is dressed 
in a yellow brocaded dressing-gown tied with 
a heavy yellow cord. It is longj so that 

[19] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

only his patent leather pumps with silver buckles show, with 
just a glimpse oj brown and yellow striped 
socks. He crosses at once to the dressing-table 
without paying any attention to MORTIMER, 
who bows deferentially and says:] 

MORTIMER. 
Good morning, sir. 

BEAU. 
Oh, go to the devil. 

MORTIMER. 

[To himself.] Mr. Brummel is in a bad temper this 
morning. 

BEAU. 

[Seating himself at dressing-table.] Mortimer, is the 
sun shining? 

MORTIMER. 
[Crossing to window right.] Oh, finely, sir. 

[SIMPSON enters, bringing soda-water bottle and 
glass in a tray.} 

BEAU. 

[Simply looks at it and motions it away exit SIMPSON.] 
Any gossip, Mortimer? 

[Has taken up hand-glass and then gently 
smooths his eyebrows.] 

MORTIMER. 

None of any account, sir. The Dowager Lady Slopington 
ran off yesterday with young Philip Pettibone. 

BEAU. 

[BEAU is now manicuring his nails.] 
If it happened yesterday, it must be forgotten to-day. 

MORTIMER. 

And Captain Badminton shot himself in the park last 
night, sir, after losing ten thousand pounds at hazard. 

[20] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
[Now lakes tweezers and pulls out one or two 

hairs from his face.] 

Very stupid of him ; he should have shot himself first 
is he dead, Mortimer? 

MORTIMER. 

No, sir. 

BEAU. 

He always was a bad shot. You ll find some of his 
I. O.U. s among my papers ; return them to him cancelled, 
with my compliments. He can use them for plasters. And 
who has called ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Crosses to small table and looks over cards.] Oh, nobody, 
sir. To be sure there has been the usual crowd of people. 
The Hon. Mrs. Donner came for your subscription to the 
town charities, and I gave her all you could spare, sir. Mr. 
Cecil Serious, the poet, called for permission to inscribe 
your name under the dedication of his new volume of 
verses. Lord Cowden came to know if your influence 
might still be used in the support of his party in the coming 
elections. 

BEAU. 

[Still occupied with his toilet.] Yes, he can use my influ 
ence. Well, you satisfied them all, I presume. 

MORTIMER. 

[At left.] I took that liberty, sir. Then there was a 
quantity of trades people with their bills and accounts. I 
said you had been out all night with the Prince and really 
were not able to see them. 

BEAU- 

Pray, Mortimer, be a little careful of my reputation in 
your lies. You know common people are apt to look upon 
dissipation very differently from persons of fashion. You 

[21] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

may say what you like about the Prince, but handle me 
a little delicately. 

MORTIMER. 

[Bows, then speaks after short pause.] Sprague, the 
tailor, called again, sir, with his account. 

BEAU. 

[Much astonished.] Again! What insolence ! Upon what 
previous occasion had he the presumption to call? 

MORTIMER. 
A year ago last month, sir. 

BEAU. 

[With real astonishment.] What damned impudence! 
Mortimer, you may let it be known at your club that he 
comes to me no longer. Send for that new tailor what s 
his name to wait upon me this afternoon. Bring this 
morning s letters. 

[MORTIMER brings down table with a number 
of little notes to BEAU, who is still seated at 
dressing-table] 

MORTIMER. 

[Holding up a bundle of bills.] These are bills, sir. All 
of them fresh this morning and some of them more urgent 
than usual. 

BEAU. 

[Not taking the trouble to look at them.] Hide them away 
somewhere, where I can t see them, and I shall feel as if 
they had been paid. 

MORTIMER. 

[Pushing forward a bundle of notes] Your private cor 
respondence, this little collection, sir. 

BEAU. 

[Still seated, takes up notes one at a time and smells them] 
Patchouli! phew! Frangipane! I believe that smells 

[22] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

like peppermint. I don t know what that is, but it s very 
unpleasant. Violet ! musk ! Take them all away you 
may read them yourself. 

MORTIMER. 

[Holding up yellow lock of hair which he has taken from 
an envelope.] This letter has this little enclosure, sir. 

BEAU. 

[In interested tone.] Money ? 

MORTIMER. 
Not exactly, sir, although a similar color. 

BEAU. 
[Disappointed languidly.] Whose is it? 

MORTIMER. 
Lady Constance Conway s, and she says 

BEAU. 

[Interrupts him.] Never mind what she says. I believe 
I did honor her with the request. Write and thank her and 
quote some poetry. Say hers is the most precious lock I 
possess. Rather tender little woman, Lady Constance. 

[Sentimentally.] 

MORTIMER. 
[Pointedly.] Is she rich, sir? 

BEAU. 
[Sighing.] No, she s not. 

MORTIMER. 

[Opening another note.] Oh! A note from Mrs. St. 
Aubyn. She wants to know where you ve been these two 
days. She says you are her lover s knot; she s coming to 
see you at three this afternoon, bids you be ready to receive 
her. She has, besides, down below in a postscript, a myriad 
of sentiments which she says belongs to you, and she is 
herself, unalterably yours, Horatia. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

The one woman in London with whom it s possible 
to have a Platonic friendship. One must have something 
nowadays and these other liasons are so excessively vulgar. 

MORTIMER. 
[Very loud as he opens letter.] Mr. Brummel, sir. 

BEAU. 

[Shocked.] Mortimer, how often have I told you never 
to startle me? 

MORTIMER. 

[Bows an apology.} Mr. Brummel, sir, here s the 
memorandum of an I. O. U. for one thousand pounds, 
given by you to Lord Gainsby at White s three nights ago 
for sums lost at hazard. 

BEAU. 

[A little disturbed.} The deuce, Mortimer. It must be 
paid to-day; that s a debt of honor. How can we obtain 
the money? 

MORTIMER. 

I can try Abrahams again, sir, but he was very difficult 
the last time. 

BEAU. 

[Rings bell. Enter SIMPSON from anteroom. Without 
looking at him.] Simpson ! 

SIMPSON. 
Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 

Go to Mr. Abrahams. Of course, you know where he 
lives. 

SIMPSON. 
Yes, sir. 

[MORTIMER brings table back to place up at right.} 

[24] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
Say Mr. Brummel requests his immediate attendance. 

SIMPSON. 
Very well, sir! [Exit SIMPSON.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Coming down.] Mr. Brummel, sir, this can t go on 
much longer. 

BEAU. 
No, I hope not. 

MORTIMER. 

Everybody s pressing on you and the only thing that 
keeps them off at all is your friendship with the Prince, 
and if anything should happen to that 

BEAU. 

[Quite unaffectedly.] Nothing could happen to that, 
Mortimer, and if anything did, I should cut the Prince 
and make the old King the fashion. [Rises.] 

MORTIMER. 

I have been wondering, Mr. Brummel, if I might be so 
bold, if you had ever thought, sir, of the advisability of a 
rich marriage. 

BEAU. 

Yes, it has occurred to me occasionally ; in fact, it has 
passed through my mind quite recently that it might be 
desirable. Only to decide on the person really seems too 
difficult a task for me to undertake. You would not have 
me marry a mere money bag, would you, Mortimer? 

MORTIMER. 

[At left of table.} But the great Mr. Brummel has 
only to choose. 

BEAU. 
[Staring at him in utter surprise that such a remark 

[25] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

should be necessary.] Yes, of course ! But one desires some 
sentiment. I wouldn t care to make a loan for life and give 
myself as security. 

MORTIMER. 

Mr. Brummel, sir, have you ever observed Miss 
Mariana Vincent ? 

BEAU. 

[Thoughtfully.] Yes, I have noticed her in the Mall and 
I must confess it was to admire her ; her person is perfect. 
Is her matrimonial figure as good ? 

MORTIMER. 
I believe it is sixty thousand pounds, sir. 

BEAU. 
Oh, dear! 

MORTIMER. 

[Hastily.] But Mr. Vincent would be ashamed to offer 
so little to the wife of Mr. Brummel. 

BEAU. 

[Musingly.] Yes, it s a very paltry sum, and Mrs. St. 
Aubyn 

MORTIMER. 

[Insinuatingly.] If you could present her to the Prince, 
Mr. Brummel, don t you think a Platonic friendship 
might spring up there ? 

BEAU. 

[As though thinking aloud.] She is ambitious, but she 
is clever, and would never forgive a slight. She is a good 
hater and if she thought she were being put upon one side, 
she would make a sly enemy. Well we shall see. Morti 
mer, write a letter to Mr. Vincent make my proposal for 
his daughter s hand. Be mindful of your language and 
careful to accomplish it in the most elegant manner, and 
request an immediate reply. 




Men shake hands much too often. A glance of the eye, 
Reginald a glance of the eye." 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 

Yes, sir. 

SIMPSON. 
[Enters at left from anteroom.] Mr. Reginald Courtenay, 

sir. 

BEAU. 

Yes, you may bid him come in here. 

[REGINALD comes rushing In from anteroom. 
He is a handsome, bright-faced lad of twenty, 
dressed simply, in great contrast to BEAU S 
gorgeous attire.} 

REGINALD. 

[Speaks very loud.} Ah! Mortimer. [Crossing to BEAU, 
after placing hat and cane on table, with hand extended.] 
Good morning, Uncle Beau ! 

BEAU- 

Reginald! You are evidently laboring under the im 
pression that I am a great distance off. 

[MORTIMER goes off into bedroom.] 

REGINALD. 

[In a much lower tone.] I beg your pardon, Uncle 
Beau. [Bows.] Good morning. [Hand extended.} 

BEAU. 

No, I don t think I will shake hands; men shake hands 
much too often, especially in warm weather. A glance of 
the eye, Reginald a glance of the eye. Did it ever occur 
to you, Reginald, how thoughtful our Creator was in 
giving us bodies, to give them to us naked, so that we 
could dress and ornament them as we choose ? 

REGINALD. 
It had not occurred to me before, Uncle. 

BEAU. 
No, I suppose not. 

[27] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 
I trust you are well this morning? 

BEAU. 

No, I ve contracted a cold I suppose everybody will 
have a cold now. 1 left my carriage on the way to the 
Pavilion last night and the wretch of a landlord put me 
into the same room with a damp stranger. 

REGINALD. 

[Goes up, sits on settee at right, with a change o) tone and 
manner.] Uncle, I want your advice and help. 

BEAU. 

[BEAU goes to REGINALD and puts his hand on his 
shoulder and speaks with real affection.] All the advice I 
have is yours. Reginald, my boy, I trust you haven t 
gotten yourself into difficulties. You are the one creature 
in the world whom I love, and I think it would break my 
heart to see you in any trouble from which I could not free 
you. Your mother, my boy, was a mother to me for years, 
and when I lost my sister, I lost the best iriend I ever had. 
She saw the heart that beat beneath the waistcoat. More 
over, she helped me always in every way; if it had not 
been for her, perhaps even now, I might be in some smoky 
office in the city that undiscovered country from whose 
bourn no social traveler ever returns. [Crosses back to 
dressing-table.} What is it, Reginald? If you are in debt 
I will give you a letter to Mr. Abrahams. If you are in the 
blue-devils I will give you one to Mrs. St. Aubyn. 

REGINALD. 

[Rises and coming down to BEAU.] I am in neither, 
Uncle Beau; I am in love. 

BEAU. 

Dear me, that s worse than either. How do you know 
you are? 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 

well I feel it here ! [Indicating heart.] I live only 
when she is present and merely exist when away from her. 

BEAU. 

[Staring at him through his glass.] Reginald, don t 
talk like a family newspaper. Is your fair one possible ? 

REGINALD. 

[Indignantly.] If you mean is she a gentlewoman, she 
is, and besides, young and beautiful and 

BEAU. 

[At right.] Of course, she would be. But does she re 
turn your passion ? 

REGINALD. 
She loves me, Uncle. 

BEAU. 
Of course, she would but 

REGINALD. 

Her father is opposed to me. He has forbidden our see 
ing each other; our meetings have to be clandestine, and 
our mutual correspondence is carried on through her 
maid. He wishes a title for his daughter. He is rich and 
seeks only position in the world of society, while she, ah ! 
she cares nothing for it only for me. 

BEAU. 

[Looking at him through glass.] Reginald, do you 
know I think you are more conceited than I am. 

REGINALD. 

[At center.] Oh, no! [Bowing.] Oh! Uncle Beau, you, 
who are so high in favor at the Court, who have Dukes at 
your elbow and the Regent on your arm, might help me in a 
worldly way that I might win over the father. I know that 
I am dear to you, as you are to me and that is why I have 
come to you. 

[29] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

And you shall not have come in vain. [With enthu 
siasm.] By my manners ! You shall have the girl if I have 
to plead for you myself. But that will not be necessary. 
No, I will give you social distinction and prominence much 
more easily. Come for me in a little while and I ll walk 
along the Mall with you to White s. Yes, and be seen with 
you at the club window a few moments. Now, my dear 
boy, can anybody possibly do anything more for you? 

[With absolute conviction.] 

REGINALD. 

[Pleased.] No, Uncle. [Turning to go.] Yes, Uncle 
you can do one thing more for me. I ve left my purse ; will 
you lend me a couple of crowns to take a chair with ? I ve 
missed an appointment with the maid, and I wish to return 
to the park in a hurry. 

BEAU. 

Reginald, you know I never use silver, it s so excess 
ively dirty and heavy. Ask Mortimer for a couple of 
guineas as you go out. [REGINALD starts to go.] By the 
way, Reginald, it is just possible that I may enter into 
the golden bands myself. I am thinking somewhat of a 
marriage with a certain young lady whose charms, strange 
to say, very much resemble those you would have described 
had I permitted you to inflict me. 

REGINALD. 

[Laughing.] You marry! Uncle! You! Your wit 
makes me laugh in spite of my dolours. Imagine the great 
Beau Brummel married! Why, Uncle, your children 
would be little Rosettes. 

BEAU. 

[Wincing.] Reginald, never be guilty of a pun ; it is 
excessively vulgar. I am serious. I think I may marry. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

RE G I N A L D . 

[Going to BEAU and offering hand quickly.] Then, Uncle, 
I am glad for you. 

BEAU. 

[Starts, looks at hand with eye-glass.] Dear me, what s 
that? Oh, dear, no, Reginald a glance of the eye. 
[REGINALD drops hand.] A glance of the eye. My boy, 
you look so like your mother God bless you. 

[REGINALD goes to table at left for hat and slick.] 

BEAU. 
You will return ? 

REGINALD. 

[Boisterously, crossing to door at left.] Yes, shortly. 

BEAU. 

[Again shocked at his loud tone.] Reginald! 

[REGINALD stops, returns a step or two, looks at 
BEAU as if to say, "What is it?" BEAU bow s 
very politely. REGINALD remembers he d 
forgotten himself for a minute, bows, places 
hat on his head, as he turns, and exits less 
boisterously.] 

SIMPSON. 

[Enters from anteroom as REGINALD exits.] Mr. 
Abrahams, sir. 

BEAU. 
Yes, you can let him in here. 

SIMPSON. 

[Exits and returns, ushering in ABRAHAMS.] Mr. 
Abrahams, sir. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Enters with assurance.] I understand, Mr. Brummel, 
that you wished to see me. I had much difficulty in leaving 
my place of business, but you see I am here. 

[31] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[Glancing at him through his glass.] Ah Abrahams 
ah, yes ! So you are, so you are. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Insinuatingly.] I thought it was likely, sir, that you 
wished to make a few payments. 

BEAU. 

[Drily.] I think that s wrong, Abrahams; do you know 
I fear you will have to guess again. , 

ABRAHAMS. 

[With indignation.] Well now, really, Mr. Brummel, 
I hope you don t want to raise another loan. 

BEAU. 

[Pleased that he has surmised it.] I believe that s right, 
Abrahams; second thoughts seem to be always the best. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Very loudly.] Really, Mr. Brummel, sir, I m sorry, 
sir, but the fact is I can t possibly 

[Enter Simpson from anteroom.] 

SIMPSON. 

[Interrupting ABRAHAMS.] A footman from His Royal 
Highness, the Prince Regent, sir. 

BEAU. 

[Quite unconcernedly.] Yes, you can let him come in 
here. 

[ABRAHAMS looks at BEAU and backs up a trifle. 
Enter footman. Stands below door.\ 

BEAU. 
[Without looking at him.] Mortimer, which one is it ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Who had come in from bedroom.] Bendon, sir. 

[32] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
[At right. Graciously.] Very well, Bendon. 

FOOTMAN. 

[With great respect.] Mr. Brummel, sir, His Royal 
Highness wishes to know if you will be at home this after 
noon at four o clock. If so, he will call upon you to make 
arrangements for the dance at Carlton House. 

BEAU. 
At what o clock did you say, Bendon? 

BENDON. 
[With low bow.] At four o clock, sir. 

BEAU. 

Say to His Royal Highness to make it half-past four 
o clock. 

[Exit footman at left, followed by SIMPSON. 
ABRAHAMS is overcome with wonder at this 
and looks at MORTIMER, who draws himself 
up proudly.] 

BEAU. 

[As if recollecting his presence.] You were saying, Mr. 
Abrahams, that you could not possibly 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Bowing, changing attitude and tone.] Hm, ach hem 
that I should be very glad though I am just now rather 
pressed myself. How much did you say, sir? 

BEAU. 
How much did I say, Mortimer? 

[Enter REGINALD same door.] 

REGINALD. 

[Boisteriously rushing to BEAU, left center.] Am I in good 
time, Uncle? 

[33] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
[Startled.] Reginald, how often have I told you to 

enter a room properly. You came in like like a 

Mortimer, what did Mr. Reginald come like ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Reproachfully.] Like a thunderbolt, sir. 

BEAU. 

Ah, yes like a thunderbolt; very unpleasant things, 
thunderbolts. Mortimer, have I ever seen a thunder 
bolt? 

MORTIMER 
Once, sir. 

BEAU. 

Yes ; I once saw a thunderbolt ; very unpleasant things, 
thunderbolts. You must not come in like a thunderbolt, 
Reginald. 

REGINALD. 

[Looking at ABRAHAMS.] I beg your pardon, Uncle 
Beau. Are you busy ? 

BEAU. 
[As if startled.] I beg your pardon 

REGINALD. 

Are you busy ? 

BEAU. 

Busy! Ugh! Never employ that term with me. No 
gentleman is ever busy. Insects and city people are busy. 
This ah person has come to ask my assistance in some 
little financial matters, and I think I ve rather promised 
to oblige him. Mortimer, go with this ah ah person. 
You go with my valet. [ABRAHAMS bows and bows.] Yes, 
quite so, quite so. 

[Exit MORTIMER and ABRAHAMS into ante 
room at left, ABRAHAMS backing, bowing all 
the time.} 

[34] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 
[Gloomily sitting on sofa.] I was too late ; I missed her. 

BEAU. 

Don t be gloomy, Reginald, or I shall not be able to 
walk with you. Nothing is more conspicuous than melan 
choly. 

[MORTIMER returns coughs.] 

BEAU. 

Mortimer, are you coughing ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Apologetically.] Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 

[At right.] Well, I wish you wouldn t. You wish to speak 
with me ? 

MORTIMER. 

Yes, sir. [BEAU crosses, bowing in apology as he passes 
REGINALD.] Mr. Brummel, sir, everything is arranged 
satisfactorily, sir. 

BEAU. 

Did you send for the new tailor, what s his name, to 
come this afternoon ? 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 
And have you written the letter to Mr. Vincent? 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir, all ready to seal. 

BEAU. 

Then seal it and despatch it at once. And now, Regi 
nald, come with me and you shall see me having my coat 
put on. [REGINALD rises.} 

[35] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[Exit BEAU and REGINALD into bedroom. Enter KATHLEEN 
from anteroom.] 

KATHLEEN. 

La ! I must come in for a minute. I missed my young 
gentleman in the park and I ventured back to ask how we 
are to discover who he is. That s what we must do some 
how, but how? 

[REGINALD enters from bedroom.] 

REGINALD. 

[Coming down.] Mr. Brummel s snuff-box, Mortimer. 
[REGINALD and KATHLEEN recognize each 
other.} 

REGINALD. 
Her maid ! 

KATHLEEN. 

[To MORTIMER.] Oh, Lord ! The very young gentleman 
himself. 

MORTIMER. 
What! 

REGINALD. 
[At left. Suspiciously.] What are you doing here? 

KATHLEEN. 

[At center.] Why, I missed you in the park, sir you 
were too early. [To MORTIMER.] Will you say something ? 
But I saw you in advance of me. [To MORTIMER.] Give 
utterance to something. And I followed you here to give 
you this letter. [Gives note to REGINALD. To MORTIMER.] 
I had to give it to him that time. 

BEAU. 
[Outside calling.] Reginald ! 

[MORTIMER and REGINALD rush KATHLEEN 
off through bay window. MORTIMER stands 
at window after drawing curtain. REGINALD 

[36] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

crosses to table at left center, stands back oj same. Enter 
BEAU from bedroom.] 

BEAU. 

[At center door.] Mortimer, what was that extraordi 
nary commotion? 

MORTIMER. 
[At right at window, innocently.] What commotion, sir? 

BEAU. 

[Standing in doorway.] Mortimer, don t be an echo; 
how often have I told you that servants are born to answer 
questions, not to ask them ? I believe you said the sun was 
shining? [Crosses to window.] 

REGINALD. 

[Very loud, stopping him.] Uncle Beau, your snuff-box. 

[Offering box.] 

BEAU. 

[At center. Starts.] Ah! I knew I lacked something; I 
perceived I had on my coat, my fob, my waistcoat, my 
unmentionables. Dear me, yes, it was my snuff-box 
thank you, thank you. [He does not take snuff-box.] 

[He now is fully dressed long brown trousers, 
fitting very closely around the leg and but 
toned around the ankle, a yellow brocaded 
waistcoat, brown coat, ruffled shirt with 
neckerchief, fob with many seals. He crosses 
to dressing-table and arranges flowers three 
yellow roses in his coat. MORTIMER has 
crossed to table and stands holding hat, 
gloves and stick. REGINALD has the snuff 
box. BEAU turns from dressing-table, comes 
to the center. REGINALD offers him the snuff 
box open. BEAU takes pinch with courteous 
nod of head. REGINALD takes pinch, closes 

[37] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

box, hands it to BEAU, who holds it in hand. MORTIMER 
then hands him gloves. BEAU arranges 
them in hand very precisely. MORTIMER 
then hands stick. BEAU puts this in just 
right position. MORTIMER then hands hat. 
BEAU takes it, is about to put it on, then 
looks at it, stands aghast and hands it back 
with no word, but just an expression of 
complete astonishment. MORTIMER, very 
puzzled, takes it and then sees that he has 
handed it with the wrong side to put on. 
Bows very low with an expression of great 
chagrin. Turns it and hands it to BEAU. 
BEAU takes it, walks to mirror, raises it two 
or three times until he has it at just the right 
angle, then puts it on. Turns to REGINALD.] 

BEAU. 

And now, REGINALD, I ll make your fortune for you. 
I ll walk down the Mall with you to White s. 

[Walks to door followed by REGINALD as cur 
tain comes down.] 



[38] 



THE FIRST ACT 

SCENE TWO 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

THE FIRST ACT 

SCENE TWO 

The BEAU S reception-room. A small room, furnished in 
chintz. Chippendale sofa at the right. Large entrance 
at back with red striped chintz curtains. Palms in 
window. A table on the left holds a standing memo 
randum tablet. Small arm-chair back oj sofa. Two or 
three other chairs scattered around the room. A door at 
the left. BEAU BRUMMEL at the rise oj curtain is 
standing by table, looking at the memorandum tablet 
through his eye-glass. He is dressed as in scene one. 
SIMPSON draws the curtains at the backhand announces: 

SIMPSON. 
Mrs. St. Aubyn, sir! 

[SIMPSON then leaves the curtains drawn and 
goes out. BEAU turns and bows.] 

BEAU. 
Punctual as the day and twice as welcome. 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN has sailed into the room with 
an air that plainly says, ** You and I are to 
settle some important things to-day." She is 
a very handsome woman of about thirty, 
beautifully dressed, and showing in every 
look and motion the woman accustomed to 
homage and command. She carries a fan, 
which she uses to emphasize all her remarks.} 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
You received my letter? 

BEAU. 

[With another bow.] And your ambrosial lock of hair. 
[MRS. ST. AUBYN is at first offended, and then 
laughs and sits on sofa.] 

[41] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Not mine, my dear BEAU; you know I m not such a 
fool 

[BEAU is not at all taken aback by the mistake 
he has made.] 

BEAU. 

Ah, no, I believe I am mistaken ; but, my dear Horatia, 
one gets things of this sort so mixed; and I plead in 
extenuation that the wish was father to the thought. 

[BEAU sits in chair near table.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Have you missed me really these last two days ? Where 
have you been? It s been so dull without you, I vow, I 
could almost have married again. [Leans forward and 
speaks very confidentially.} Now, I want you to do me a 
favor, will you? 

BEAU. 
Whisper it and it is done. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Well, then, I will whisper. I want you to get me a card 
to the dance at Carlton House. 

BEAU. 

The very privilege that I have looked forward to. I 
desire to present you myself to the Prince, and witness 
your triumph. An unselfish pleasure, you would say, but 
I love you too well, my dear Horatia, not to sacrifice 
myself to your greatest opportunity. 

[During this speech MRS. ST. AUBYN has 
listened with a slight cynical smile, and now 
with an air of finality says :] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

I would not give up your devotion altogether even for 
the Prince s. [With great empressement.] 

[42] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Take both. Mine you will always have. 

MRS. ST. AUB YN. 
Yet I think my devotion for you overbalances yours. 

BEAU. 

My dear madam, you are too good. Do you know, I 
fear you will die young ? 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[With an air of giving up this contest of wits.} Oh, the 
deuce take your fine phrases ! If I thought I d a rival, I d 
let the Prince flit somewhere else. You re clever, and the 
Prince isn t. He ll be very dull. Then he ll be harder to 
keep within bounds. Oh, [quickly as she sees an almost 
imperceptible shrug of BEAU S shoulder} it isn t that I m 
afraid for my reputation, that was damned long ago. But 
I ve certain notions of self-respect which aren t in the 
fashion and which men don t seem to understand. 

BEAU. 
[Very quietly.} Marry him ! 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
[With real astonishment.] What ! 

BEAU. 

[Taking out snuff-box and taking snuff.] Marry him. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
It is impossible ! 

BEAU. 
With you all things are possible. 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN laughs nervously and steals a 
surreptitious look at herself in a little mirror 
in her fan.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
My dear Beau, I wish you d make plain sense instead 

[43] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

of pretty sentences. What advantages have I to recom 
mend me ? 

BEAU. 

I will ask Mortimer to make out a list, but I may name 
one only which is all sufficient. For the past six weeks 
I have admired you. 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN rises with a laugh.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Oh, the conceit of the man. But tell me what style of 
woman is the Prince caught by? 
[BEAU rising also.] 

BEAU. 

To be perfectly frank with you, the Prince admires the 
fashion and I have made you the fashion. I am ex 
pecting him here this afternoon. 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN gives a shriek of dismay.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Who? The Prince! Gracious, why didn t you tell me? 
[Runs to cheval glass.] How am I looking? There, there, 
you needn t answer; I know it is one of my bad days. 

[BEAU is really very much upset by this rushing 
around and rapid talking. Speaks as though 
quite overcome.] 

BEAU. 

My dear Horatia, I beg of you not to rattle on so; 
you ve no idea how you fatigue me. 

[SIMPSON enters at back and announces:} 

SIMPSON. 
The Duchess of Leamington, Mr. Sheridan, sir! 

[SIMPSON goes out.] 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN says to herself, as she comes 
down to chair at right of sofa : ] 

[44] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
Damme that woman. 

[The DUCHESS and MR. SHERIDAN enter at 
back. The DUCHESS is a very much painted 
and bewigged old young woman, dressed in 
a very light flowered gown, with a very large 
hat. SHERIDAN is still handsome, but no 
longer young, dressed in black silk knee 
breeches, black coat and stockings, wears the 
powdered wig instead of short hair like 
BEAU S. The DUCHESS makes low curtsy 
to BEAU, who bows.] 

BEAU. 

Ah, Duchess, what happy accident! Has your car 
riage broken down at my door, or do you come out of your 
own sweet charity ? We were just speaking of you. I said 
you were the best-dressed woman in London, but Mrs. 
St. Aubyn did not seem to agree with me. [To SHERIDAN.] 
How do you do, Sherry ? 

[Nods to SHERRY and crossing to him, offers 
him snuff-box. SHERIDAN takes snuff.] 

DUCHESS. 

[The DUCHESS, as though noticing MRS. ST. AUBYN for 
the first time, says superciliously :] How dy e do ? 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Haughtily.] Mr. Brummel pleases to be witty at my 
expense, Duchess. [Then to herself.] I must be on my 
guard. I don t understand Beau. 

\Tlie DUCHESS seats herself on sofa. MRS. ST. 
AUBYN is sitting in chair just below sofa. 
BEAU is sitting at chair near table and 
SHERIDAN is still standing.] 

DUCHESS. 
Mr. Sheridan and I thought we d come to tell you the 

[45] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

news. We knew you were never up till noon and thought 
you might want to hear what s going on. 

[SHERIDAN now brings down chair from the 
back and sits about center.} 

SHERIDAN. 

And when we were nearly here we remembered that 
really there was nothing to tell. There seems to be a 
lamentable dearth of scandal and gossip nowadays. I 
don t know what we are coming to. The ladies have 
absolutely nothing to talk about. 

BEAU. 

Sherry, I hear the " School for Scandal" is to be re 
vived. It returns to us every year like spring and the in 
fluenza. 

SHERIDAN. 
[Regretfully.} Yes, but it won t be played as it used to be. 

BEAU. 
[Thankfully.] No, I hope not. 

DUCHESS. 

Dear me, only think of Miss Motional playing Lady 
Teazle now, at her age. Why is it that passe people are 
always so anxious to act ? [With a little affected giggle.] I 
wonder you don t go on the stage, Mrs. St. Aubyn? 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[With great sweetness.] I never experienced a scandal of 
sufficient eclat to warrant such a step. But, you, Duchess, 
what a success you would have ! 

DUCHESS. 
Spiteful creature. 

BEAU. 

How very severe 

[SIMPSON enters at back, announces:] 

[46] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

SIMPSON. 
His Royal Highness, the Prince Regent, sir. 

[SIMPSON exits. The PRINCE enters, does not 
remove his hat. All rise. DUCHESS and MRS. 
ST. AUBYN curtsy. SHERIDAN bows very 
low and BEAU bows rather condescendingly.] 

PRINCE. 
Ah, Beau, good morning. 

BEAU. 

This is very good of you, sir. The Duchess, I am sure, 
is a welcome vision. Sherry, you know, and you have 
heard surely you have heard of the fascinating Mrs. St. 
Aubyn. 

PRINCE. 
But never have seen half enough. 

BEAU. 
Where will you put yourself, sir? 

PRINCE. 

[Very emphatically says as he crosses to sofa:] Damme, 
here. 

[He sits on sofa and makes a motion with his 
hand, inviting MRS. ST. AUBYN to sit beside 
him. To do this MRS. ST. AUBYN has to 
cross in front of the DUCHESS, which she does 
with a look of triumph, while the DUCHESS 
in moving to MRS. ST. AUBYN S vacated seat 
turns up her nose as much as to say, " That 
won t last long. 1 And BEAU, having wit 
nessed all this little byplay, has a little smile 
as he sees all is just as he wants it.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
I believe, sir, Mr. Sheridan is thinking of a new play. 

[47] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

PRINCE. 

Don t you put me in, Sherry, or, if you do, mind you 
make me thin. A fat man played me in the pantomime 
t other night, and damme, I had him locked up. 

SHERIDAN. 
[With great deference.] Twas a libel, sir, a gross libel. 

PRINCE. 

I heard, Beau, from my tailor this morning that you 
had gotten up something new in trousers. Why the deuce 
haven t you told me ? 

DUCHESS 

[With affected girlishness.] Oh, dear me, what are the 
new trousers ? 

SHERIDAN 

[Maliciously.] Why, Duchess, I don t see how they can 
possibly interest you. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Mr. Sheridan, Mr. Sheridan, both your plays and 
your conversation ought to be expurgated. 

DUCHESS. 

Come, come, stop all this banter, and Mr. Brummel 
will tell us. 

BEAU. 

[As though bored by all this chatter.] You must excuse 
me, Duchess ; I have contracted a cold. 

PRINCE. 

I ll tell you, Duchess; they re long trousers which are 
slit so [pointing with his cane to his own leg] at the bottom 
and then buttoned tight. Very odd, you see, and striking. 

DUCHESS. 

It might be too striking; don t you think it depends on 
the eh eh circumstances ? 

[48] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[She draws her skirt up very slightly and strikes her leg with 
her fan.] 

PRINCE. 

Damme, Duchess, you re right ; and that s just what I 
want to know of Beau here, whether he thinks my legs 
could stand em. 

BEAU. 
Really, my dear fellow, I m no judge of calves. 

[All laugh.] 

SHERIDAN. 
You must appeal to the ladies, sir. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
[Feigning to hide face with her fan.] No, no ; I object. 

BEAU. 

Mrs. St. Aubyn means they are little trifles not worth 
mentioning. 

PRINCE. 

Now, I object. Besides, I ve something else to talk 
about. What think you, Beau, of Tuesday week for the 
dance at Carlton House ? 

[BEAU rises very slowly, takes tablet, looks it 
over] 

BEAU. 

Tuesday, Tuesday, yes, I think I might make Tuesday 
do. 

[PRINCE rises, and evefybody rises.] 

PRINCE. 

[To MRS. ST. AUBYN.] You will not forget, then, siren, 
the opening quadrille with me. May I take you to your 
chair? 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN makes him a low curtsy.] 

[49] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

You make me wish my chair was at my own door in 
stead of at Mr. Brummel s. 

BEAU. 
That s very good, very good. 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN curtsies with a look of 
triumph to the DUCHESS. The PRINCE holds 
out his hand. She places her hand lightly on 
his, curtsies low to BEAU, and retires up to 
the center door, while the PRINCE is making 
his adieus, which he does by simply nodding 
to the DUCHESS and SHERIDAN, most 
graciously nodding to BEAU, and then takes 
MRS. ST. AUBYN s hand again and they go 
off chattering.] 

DUCHESS. 

[Who has witnessed this with ill-concealed envy.] Now, 
Mr. Brummel, promise me you ll bow to me at the play 
to-night. You bowed to Lady Farthingale last week 
Thursday, and she has given herself airs ever since. 

BEAU. 

After the play, Duchess, after the play. If I looked at 
you once during the play, I could never bend my attention 
again to the players. 

DUCHESS. 

[With a girlish giggle.] , And that, Mr. Brummel, would 
damn the play. 

BEAU. 

Yes, I shouldn t wonder if it did. It wouldn t be the 
first play I ve damned. [ DUCHESS curtsies, SHERIDAN 
bows, and they go off at center door. BEAU takes up mem 
orandum tablet and goes toward door, lejt, reading as he 

[50] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

goes.] Let me see, Thursday, lunch with Lord and Lady 

Pleasant, then on to Mrs. Hearsays pour passer le temps. 

Dinner with the Dowager Countess of Alimony, dance at 

Gordon House, then to the Rag, then to the Raleigh, then 

to Vauxhall. [BEAU goes out.] 

[SIMPSON enters at center door, showing in MR. 

VINCENT. VINCENT is a stout, red-faced 

man, bluff manner, dressed rather loudly, 

brown bob-wig, drops his h s.] 

SIMPSON. 
Whom shall I say, sir ? 

VINCENT. 

Never mind introducing me. I ll introduce myself 
tell him a gentleman wishes to see him in answer to his 
message; he ll understand. 

SIMPSON. 
Yes, sir. 

[Simpson goes out at left door with a look of 
disdain at VINCENT.] 

VINCENT. 

[Who is in a state of great excitement.] Well, am I really 
in the great Mr. Brummel s house? I thought I d show 
my appreciation of the honor I feel in Mr. Brummel s suit 
for my daughter s and by answering his message in person. 
But, really, now I m ere, I m not sure I ve done the right 
thing. It s perfectly absurd, ridiculous, but I m slightly 
nervous. I, the most successful cloth merchant of the day- 
unreasonable ! I must appear at my ease or I shall fail to 
make an impression. Let me see, what shall I say when 
he comes in? After greeting him cordially, but with 
dignity, which is due to my position, I ll tell him in the 
proper language, with a few figures of speech to show I m a 
man of some learning he s coming. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[Shows great nervousness. Begins to bow very low, moving 
first on one foot, then on the other, rubbing 
his hands together. ,] 

BEAU. 
[Enters from left door, tablet in hand, as he comes on says :] 

Sunday Sunday ! 

VINCENT. 
He s coming, he s coming! 

BEAU. 

Sunday after service, lunch with Lady Sybilla Sybilla ! 
She is "un tant soit peu passe" but there was a time, there 
was a time, when poor Sybilla and I 

[VINCENT S bowings and movements now attract 
BEAU S attention, and he looks at him 
through eye-glass.^ 

BEAU. 

[To himself.] Ah, yes, the new tailor. [Aloud.] I will 
speak with you presently. I am somewhat occupied just 
now. [Resumes soliloquy.] Dinner with Figgles silly 
beast, Figgles, but delicious truffles. 

[VINCENT has still continued to bow.] 

BEAU. 

[Looks at him again.] Would you be so kind as not to 
wobble about in that way ? 

[VINCENT stops a moment.] 

BEAU. 

Thank you. [Resumes soliloquy.] Then on to Lady 
Ancient s very tedious, but I must go or the poor woman s 
rooms would be quite vacant. 

[VINCENT has again resumed his bowing and 
clasping and unclasping his hands.] 

BEAU. 

[Looks at him.] Did you hear what I observed ? Would 
you be kind enough not to wobble about in that way, and 

[52] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

please do not wash your hands incessantly with imaginary 
soap, or chassez about in that manner ? You have no idea 
how you distress me. [VINCENT never stops, growing more 
and more nervous.} How very extraordinary ; he does not 
seem to be able to stop. Perhaps he is suffering with St. 
Vitus s dance. I shall never be able to employ a person so 
afflicted. Well, I won t dismiss him at once. I ll turn my 
back on him so I can t see him. [BEAU turns his back to 
VINCENT.] Let me see, where was I ah yes, Lady 
Ancient s very tedious, but I must go or the poor woman s 
rooms will be quite empty, then on to the club. 

VINCENT. 
[Very deprecatingly.] But, sir 

BEAU. 

I ll speak with you presently. I am somewhat occupied 
just now, and, although my back is turned, I can feel you 
are wobbling about. [To himself.] I think I might 
venture to play again with my present prospects, Monday 
Monday 

VINCENT. 

[Who is now getting restive and realizes he is being 
treated badly.] But! 

BEAU. 
Please do not say "but" again. 

VINCENT. 

My lord ! 

BEAU. 
Nothing so commonplace. 

VINCENT. 

Sir 

BEAU. 

Very well, I suppose I had better speak with him the 
sooner it is over the better. You ve come to see me about 
my suit, I suppose. 

[53] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

VINCENT. 

Yes, the honor it confers upon my daughter and my 
self 

BEAU. 
It s affected his head. Does your daughter sew, also ? 

VINCENT. 
[Surprised.] Oh, beautifully, Mr. Brummel, but 

BEAU. 

I must ask you to omit your "buts." Now if you will 
stand perfectly still for a few moments, I will endeavor to 
ask you one or two questions, but you must try to stand 
still, and if you try very hard you may succeed. But do 
try there s a good man try, try, try again. [Aside.] 
I m so sorry for him. He must suffer so. Well, I won t 
look at him. [Turns away and sits down at table. During 
all this time VINCENT has been bowing, trying to stand 
still y but not succeeding, owing to his great embarrassment.] 
Now, have you any new cloths ? 

VINCENT . 

My dear sir, I was not aware that you were at all inter 
ested in cloths. 

[Looks around for a chair and goes up to back 
of room to get one.] 

BEAU. 
He s violent he s going to attack me. 

VINCENT . 

[Bringing down the chair near to BEAU.] Yes, there are 
some very fine new cloths. Now, if you ll allow me 

BEAU. 

Certainly not, sir; certainly not. [Aside.] Poor man, 
I suppose he never waited upon any one before. 

VINCENT. 
[Can now stand it no longer, rises.] This is too much. 

[54] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

Tis outrageous. I ll not stand it, sir. I am a gentleman, 
sir. 

BEAU. 
Then why don t you behave like one ? 

VINCENT. 

I ve come here 

BEAU. 

Of course,, you ve come here, that s very evident. You ve 
come in answer to my message, haven t you? 

VINCENT. 
Yes, sir, I ve come in answer to your message asking for 

my daughter s and 

BEAU. 
Your daughter s what? 

VINCENT. 
My daughter s and 

BEAU. 

Your daughter s hand ? [It begins to dawn upon him.] 
I beg your pardon. 

VINCENT. 

I came to accept your offer of marriage, but I ve altered 
my intention. 

BEAU. 
Dear me, you are 

VINCENT. 
Mr. Holiver Vincent, sir. 

BEAU. 

[Aside.] And I thought he was the tailor. [Aloud.] A 
thousand apologies ; won t you be seated ? I was very much 
preoccupied. I ask you a thousand pardons but [VIN 
CENT has begun to bow and wobble again] what can you 

[55] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

expect if you will wobble about in that manner, my dear 
Sir Oliver! 

[VINCENT, indignant, again is soothed by title.] 

VINCENT. 

Not Sir Holiver yet. Mr. Holiver Mr. Holiver Vin 
cent, at your service. 

BEAU. 

I only regret that you did not say so before. 
[SIMPSON enters at antedoor.] 

SIMPSON. 

Sir, the Duke of York sends word will you be so gracious 
as to take mutton with him to-night ? 

[BEAU looks at VINCENT, who looks pleadingly 
at him as much as to say, "Dine with me."] 

BEAU. 

Send my polite regrets to his Royal Highness and say, 
I dine to-night with Mr. Oliver Vincent. 

[SIMPSON exits at center door. BEAU offers 
his snuff-box to Vincent, who takes a pinch 
and snuffs it with a loud, disagreeable noise, 
which shocks BEAU unspeakably,] 



THE CURTAIN FALLS ON THIS 



THE SECOND ACT 





THE SECOND ACT 

The ballroom at Carlton House, a large, stately room hung 
in yellow damask yellow damask furniture. On the 
right, a door* leading into reception room. On the left 
are three curtained recesses. At the back a large door 
way extends the whole width of room; it is curtained 
with yellow brocade curtains, which are looped back, 
showing a long hall hung with mirrors; it leads to 
supper room. 

On the stage, at rise of curtain, are the PRINCE, standing 
near the center talking to MRS. ST. AUBYN. The 
PRINCE is dressed in black, with the blue ribbon of the 
Garter; MRS. ST. AUBYN in elaborate evening dress. 
SHERIDAN, the DUCHESS OF LEAMINGTON, LADY 
FARTHINGALE, LORD MANLY and other guests are 
standing at back. 

PRINCE . 

[.4 little impatiently, as though he had been welcoming 
guests until tired.] Any one else, damme ; I m ready to 
dance. [Servant enters from the door on the right.] 

SERVANT. 
Mr. Brummel, Mr. Oliver Vincent, Miss Vincent. 

[SERVANT steps to one side of door as MR. 
BRUMMEL comes in with MARIANA, her hand 

[59] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

resting lightly on his. The DUCHESS then steps forward 
and takes MARIANA S hand. MR. BRUM 
MEL steps back to the side of VINCENT, who 
has followed them on. The DUCHESS leads 
MARIANA to the PRINCE. While this is 
going on MRS. ST. AUBYN, who has stared in 
amazement, says-] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

What s this presentation for; does it mean money for 
the Duchess ? She does not need it. 

DUCHESS. 

[As she presents MARIANA.] Your Royal Highness 
Miss Vincent. [Both curtsy to the PRINCE.] 

PRINCE. 

This places me deeper than ever in Mr. Brummel s debt. 
[The DUCHESS and MARIANA back away and 
retire to the back of room, where they are 
joined by SHERIDAN. BEAU now advances 
to the PRINCE, closely followed by VINCENT, 
who is greatly excited.} 

BEAU. 

Sir, I have the honor to present my friend, Mr. Oliver 
Vincent. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Aside.] It s Mr. Brummel who is at the bottom of this. 
I think I begin to see. 

PRINCE . 

Mr. Vincent ? Is this the Mr. Vincent, of the city ? For, 
Egad, sir, I am pleased 

VINCENT. 

[Greatly embarrassed.] Your Highness, sir, the honor is all 
mine, ah, all mine, Your Highness, thank you for your 
cordiality, Your Highness. 

[60] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[Offers the PRINCE his hand. BEAU quietly throws it up 
and motions VINCENT away to the back, 
covering his retreat, as it were, by his own 
self-possession and the look of humorous 
appeal which he gives to the PRINCE.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Your Royal Highness, what does Beau mean ? Really, 
sir, I think you take too much from him. They are from 
the city, these Vincents ; you can see its dust on their feet. 

PRINCE. 

[Chuckling at his own wit.} Yes, damme, madam ; but 
it s gold dust. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[With a slight smile, such as an offended goddess might 
give.} Pray, sir, let us have the dance now. 

[The PRINCE ofiers her his hand and they take 
their places at the head of set. SHERIDAN 
leads the DUCHESS to one side. LORD MANLY 
leads LADY FARTHINGALE to the other.} 

BEAU. 

[To MARIANA.] May I have the delight of leading you 
out in the dance? 

MARIANA. 
I fear, Mr. Brummel, you will find me but a poor dancer. 

BEAU. 

I know you dance well or I should not have asked you. 

I have watched you. One must always judge for oneself. 

[He leads MARIANA to the head, opposite the 

PRINCE. They dance an old-fashioned 

quadrille, the end of which is a deep curtsy 

from the ladies and bow from the men. 

The PRINCE then goes up to center door and 

out through the hall with MRS. ST. AUBYN.] 

[61] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

PRINCE . 

Egad ! Poor Beau ! Your charms have made me false 
to my friend. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Ah! But I fear Your Royal Highness is fickle, and 
may be false to me, too. 

PRINCE. 
Zounds ! I could only be that by being false to myself. 

[They are now out of sight. The DUCHESS had 
joined BEAU and MARIANA, and LADY 
FARTHINGALE, LORD MANLY. The two 
latter now curtsy and bow and exit through 
center door and go down the hall.] 

DUCHESS. 

I really think it gives one more eclat to dance with Mr. 
Brummel than to dance with the Prince. 

BEAU. 
[Quite sincerely.] I really think it does. 

[The DUCHESS and MR. SHERIDAN then bow 
and also go out at center door, meeting VIN 
CENT, who bows to them in a most exag 
gerated way and then comes down toward 
the BEAU and MARIANA. BEAU bows in 
courtly fashion and also goes out through 
center door, so VINCENT and MARIANA are 
left alone. MARIANA is a charming type of 
a young English girl, dressed in white, her 
hair in soft ringlets, with a wreath of tiny 
rosebuds.] 

VINCENT. 

This is the proudest moment of my life ! He had heard 
of me; he recognized me at once, Mariana. 

[621 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MARIANA. 

[Quizzically.] Of course, papa, he had read your name 
on his buttons. 

VINCENT. 

You are mistaken, my dear ; I am not a tailor, I am a 
cloth merchant. Did you notice how cordial His Royal 
Highness was? [Regretfully.] I was too stiff with him, 
much too stiff, but Mr. Brummel would have it so. 

MARIANA. 

[Still trying to make a jest of it.] Quite right, papa ; you 
needed your dignity and His Royal Highness did not. 

VINCENT. 

Think, Mariana, what a difference to-day from yester 
day. Yesterday I was Vincent, of the City to-night, I 
am Vincent, of the Court. It is a proud position, my dear ; 
think of it, Holiver Vincent, the Prince s friend ! No more 
"The Hoak, the Hash, and the Bonny Hivy Tree." 
No more "A Weary Lot Is Thine, Fair Maid." [Imitates 
the playing of a piano.] No more going to sleep after din 
ner. No, my dear, we ll read our names every morning, 
several times over, in the Court Journal. It ll be a staggerer 
for your Aunt Jane at Oundsditch. 

MARIANA. 

[Sadly.] I think, for my part, we are very well as we are, 
and very happy. And I like the old songs, and I like my 
old father just as he is. 

VINCENT. 

Pooh ! My child, I am ambitious and if you marry the 
Beau, in a year from now, I may wear a coronet a 
coronet. 

[Makes a gesture as though placing a coronet 
on head.] 

MARIANA. 
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown, papa, and how 

[63] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

much are you going to give for the coronet ? Anybody can 
buy one nowadays. Give your money for it by all means 
but not your daughter s happiness. 

[Crossing and going up toward center as though 
to end the discussion.] 

VINCENT. 

[Follows her and speaks pleadingly.] Mariana, I have 
been a kind father to you. My heart is set upon the accom 
plishment of this thing. You have ever been a dutiful 
child. 

MARIANA. 

[Turning quickly.] And you shall ever find me so. But 
I hold, papa, that a woman s heart alone should guide a 
woman s choice. 

VINCENT. 
[Turns away vexed.] Yes, I know but 

MARIANA. 

Still, my affection for you shall largely influence my 
decision. Go, my ambitious father. [Goes to him and puts 
her hands on his shoulders.] I will see what I can do to win 
the coronet for your head. 

VINCENT . 

[Delightedly kisses her forehead.] That s a good child. 
[He goes up and out through center door.] 

MARIANA. 

If I can only tear the arrow from my heart. [Walks 
slowly up and down.] No dream of greatness, no wish even 
of my father s, should for one instant weaken my devotion 
to Reginald if I could believe him true to me. But he has 
ceased to write; I hear of him only in social dissipation. 
He is gay and merry, and Mariana is forgotten. Since I 
cannot be happy, there is only my dear old father to be 
pleased. And yet and yet 

[64] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[Star Is and turns as BEAU, the DUCHESS and MR. VIN 
CENT enter from the center door.} 

DUCHESS. 

[As she comes gaily down.} Ma mie, you are very 
fortunate, I vow you will be the talk of the town to 
morrow to have pirouetted with our Beau here. Tis no 
small favor I assure you and one his Beauship has never 
yet bestowed upon his doting Duchess you naughty, 
naughty Beau. [Shakes her fan at BEAU.] And I must say, 
ma mie, you comported yourself right well, right limber 
and nimbly for a debutante. Though I am no bad execu- 
tante on the tips of my toes myself, i faith. 

[Gives a little pas seul.} 
BEAU. 

[Putting up glasses and looking at her critically.} Ah, 
Duchess, all you need is a ballet skirt and a tambourine. 
But, Egad, we forgot the Prince the Merchant Prince 
we have just left the title. Permit me, my dear Duchess, to 
present to you the money. Mr. Oliver Vincent Her 
Grace, the Duchess of Leamington. 

DUCHESS. 

[As she curtsies to VINCENT, who bows very low.] Deuce 
take me, Mr. Brummel, have you ever known me to refuse 
a presentation to money ? 

BEAU. 

No, my dear Duchess, and I have known you to become 
very familiar with it at the card-table without even a 
formal introduction. 

DUCHESS. 
Beau, I vow you re a brute. 

[She crosses to VINCENT and they go up a little.} 

BEAU. 

[Crossing to MARIANA.] You hear that, Mariana. I am 
a brute, His true, and I am looking forward to a con- 

[6 S ] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

junction of Beauty and the Beast. [Turning lo the 
DUCHESS.] Duchess, shall Sir Money conduct you to the 
card -room ? 

DUCHESS. 

[Smiling at Vincent.} With pleasure, if he ll stay there 
with me. 

BEAU. 

No fear of that, for your Grace is sure to put him in 
your pocket. 

DUCHESS. 

Incorrigible ! Come, Mr. Vincent, your arm, your arm ; 
fore Gad, we are routed. 

[Takes VINCENT S arm, they turn to go.] 

BEAU. 

[Stopping them.] One moment, my dear Vincent. [BEAU 
bows to DUCHESS, who joins MARIANA, and they stand 
talking, while BEAU speaks to VINCENT.] My valet has 
neglected placing my purse in my pocket, and I am going 
to allow you the privilege of lending me five hundred 
guineas before you run away with the Duchess. 

VINCENT. 

[Heartily.] Certainly, my dear Mr. Brummel, certainly, 
sir, take ten [Puts his hand in his pocket.] 

BEAU. 

[With a look of horror.] Not here, my good sir, not here 
in the card-room. 

VINCENT. 

[Going up to the DUCHESS.] My arm, madam, my purse 
and myself are entirely at your service. 

DUCHESS. 

[Taking his arm.] I only need one of them; but come, 
come, I see you are quite a courtier. Au revoir, Beau. 
[To Mariana, as she waves her a kiss.] Ma chere I 

[66] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[Curtsies to the BEAU, waves her hand airily to MARIANA 
and goes off with VINCENT.] 

BEAU. 
Your most humble and devoted slave, Duchess. 

MARIANA. 
You do not follow the cards, Mr. Brummel ? 

BEAU. 
They are too fickle ; I am always unlucky. 

MARIANA. 
Unlucky at cards, lucky in love 

[Stops abruptly, vexed that she has mentioned 
the word love.} 

BEAU. 
That is why I am here. 

MARIANA. 

[A little coquettishly.] Well, what sort of a hand shall I 
deal you ? 

BEAU. 
[With great meaning.] Yours ! 

MARIANA. 
[With equal meaning.] Are diamonds trumps? 

BEAU. 

[Reproachfully.] No. Hearts! 

MARIANA. 
[Lightly.] I haven t one in the pack. 

BEAU. 
Nay, but you deal your cards badly. 

MARIANA. 

That is because I have chosen Nature, not Art, to be 
my mistress. 

[67! 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

By my manners! I ve a mind to bring Dame Nature 
into fashion again. 

MARIANA. 
Then there s not a woman here could show her face. 

BEAU. 
But you. And if you would deign to be seen always on 

my arm 

MARIANA. 

Mercy! Mr. Brummel, I fear you would wear me as 
you do your coat, and throw me aside when I m wrinkled. 

BEAU. 

[With a shudder.] Don t mention wrinkles ; they give me 
the jaundice. 

MARIANA. 

[Seriously.] I cannot but remember that only one short 
week ago every bench in the Mall, every lady s tea-table, 
every entr acte of the play was the occasion for reportings 
of Mr. Brummel s fancy for the Hon. Mrs. St. Aubyn. 

BEAU. 

You cannot imagine I have not favored some woman 
more than others. Mrs. St. Aubyn was clever and amused 
me. We passed our time in laughter, not in loving. 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN, who has entered at back, 
hears this last remark.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
I fear I am malapropos, but I will be deaf and blind. 

[She comes down the center, while there also 
enters at center door VINCENT, SHERIDAN, 
LADY FARTHINGALE and the DUCHESS.] 

MARIANA . 

It would be a pity, madam, to destroy two faculties 
which serve you to such good purpose. 

[68] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[Crosses and passes MRS. ST. AUBYN with a slight bend 
oj her head and joins VINCENT.] 

BEAU. 

Oh, that s very good. [To MRS. ST. AUBYN as he crosses 
to her.] Don t you think that s very good ? 

{They stand together, apparently talking, MRS. 
ST. AUBYN very angrily.] 

VINCENT. 

[To MARIANA.] A most bewitching woman that, but 
I m sorry she would insist upon hunting Mr. Brummel, 
for I knew you wouldn t want to be interrupted. I did 
all I could with politeness. I took her to every other room 
before this. 

[MARIANA and VINCENT go out at center door, 
as LORD MANLY comes rushing on, almost 
running into them.] 

LORD MANLY. 

[He is a fop of the period, and quite a little the worse for 
drink.} My dear Beau ! My dear Beau ! [A little louder. 
BEAU pays no attention to him.] My dear Beau! [Still 
louder. BEAU finally looks at him.] Lord Crawlings is 
cheating at the card-table. It is a fact. He has cards up 
his sleeve. What shall I do ? 

BEAU. 

Cheating at the card-table? 

LORD MANLY. 
Yes; he has cards up his sleeve. 

BEAU. 
[Thoughtfully.] Cards up his sleeve! 

LORD MANLY. 
Yes. What shall I do? 

BEAU. 
Well, if he has cards up his sleeve, bet on him. 

[69] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

LORD MANLY. 
[With a blank stare.] Oh thank you. 

[He joins LADY FARTHINGALE and offers her a 
chair, which she refusing, they stand con 
versing with other guests.] 

LADY FARTHINGALE. 

If Mr. Brummel marries Miss Vincent he li have no 
more difficulty in paying for his clothes, though I hear 
he s sadly in debt now. 

SHERIDAN. 

Poor Beau! He will never be able to forget the old 
gentleman s cloth; it will be like riding to wealth on a 
clothes-horse. 

DUCHESS. 

[Who has been looking down the hall.} Lord, Mr. 
Sheridan ! They are starting for supper. You can do as 
you please, but I want an oyster. 

[SHERIDAN and DUCHESS go off at center door, 
followed by LADY FARTHINGALE, LORD 
MANLY and other guests.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[To BEAU, who was starting to go.] I insist upon a few 
words with you. 

BEAU. 
Your wishes are my commands. 

[He is now standing in the door center so he 
can look down the hall. MRS. ST. AUBYN 
is walking angrily back and forth.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

I found myself quite de trop when I entered the room a 
few minutes ago. 

BEAU. 
You speak of impossibilities. 

1 70] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
Pray, spare me ; I overheard your last speech. 

BEAU. 
You mean you listened to what I said. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
Well, if I did I begin to see through you now. 

BEAU. 

Happy me ! 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Did you think me blind when you presented these 
Vincents to the Prince? 

BEAU. 

[Bowing to some imaginary guests down the hall.] How 
do you do ? Who could think those eyes blind ? 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

You presented me to the Prince, not for my own sake, 
but for yours. Twas a pleasant way to be rid of me. 

BEAU. 

No way with such a destination could possibly be 
pleasant. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

You have puffed the Prince with the conceit that he is 
driving you out of my affections against your will. Suppose 
he were to know the truth? 

BEAU. 

Royal personages are so rarely told the truth that if he 

did hear it he would not recognize it. How do you do! 

[Again bowing to some imaginary person.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

What would become of his friendship for you, do you 
think, and what would you do without it? 

[71] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
He would have my sincere sympathy. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
Suppose I were to inform him ? 

BEAU. 

[Again bowing.] How do you do, my dear Lady Betty; 
how do you do ? Yes, presently with great pleasure h m! 
[Turning and apparently paying attention to MRS. ST. 
AUBYN for the first time.] My dear Horatia would not be 
so foolish as to ruin herself. Would the Prince, do you 
think, still care for you if he thought I no longer admired 
you ? He affects you now for the same reason he wears 
my coats, because I have made you as I made them 
the Fashion. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Triumphantly.] But there s something that binds one 
faster to a man than the button of a coat. There is, my 
dear Beau, such a thing as marriage. 

BEAU. 

Oh, yes, to be sure! There, my dear madam, I bow to 
your vast experience, [MRS. ST. AUBYN makes an impatient 
movement] but when it comes to a question of. the Prince s 
wedding coat, I fear you will find the buttons are sewed 
on with a very light thread. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

There you are wrong. You seem to forget, my dear 
Beau, that the Prince already dotes on me. We are both 
playing a little game you and I but I am persuaded I 
shall win, for I stake on a heart. 

[Sweeps past BEAU with a superb gesture, 
toward the left.] 

BEAU. 

[Very quietly.] Your fortune will turn, for you stake on 
a knave. 

[72] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

What will take my knave when the king is out of the 
pack? 

B EAU. 
Why, then, I think a queen might turn up. 

[Before MRS. ST. AUBYN can crush him with 
the reply that is on her lips VINCENT enters.] 

V i N c E N T . 

Ah, ere you are, my dear Mr. Brummel ; you are losing 
your supper and Mrs. St. Aubyn, too, is depriving the 
feast of its most brilliant hornament. 

BEAU. 

Yes, truly, it is too selfish of Mrs. St. Aubyn. Mr. 
Vincent, Mrs. St. Aubyn must permit you to conduct her 
to the supper room. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Sarcastically.] Surely, Mr. Vincent did not do me the 
honor of leaving the table to search me out. 

VINCENT. 

Fore Gad, madam, though I did see a vacant seat next 
His Royal Highness, in truth I came to look for my 
daughter. 

BEAU. 

Mrs. St. Aubyn will hardly permit the chair which 
awaits her next to the Prince to remain vacant. [Takes 
MRS. ST. AUBYN s hand and hands her with great "em- 
pressement" to VINCENT.] Meanwhile, Mr. Vincent, I will 
go through the rooms for your daughter. 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN stops, gives BEAU a look, is 
about to make a scene, then thinks better of 
it and lets VINCENT lead her from the room.] 

BEAU. 
You amused me once, but you do so no longer. No, 

[73] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

you re clever; yes, you are clever, and you dress to per 
fection, but Mariana has all your charms and more a 
heart. Horatia St. Aubyn, your day in the world is waning ; 
Mariana s reign begins. I will go and inform her so. She 
cannot be insensible to my regard, to my love, for, strange 
to say, I begin to think I do love her. Yes, I believe I do. 
{Quite seriously.] And I think I love her madly yes, I 
do, I love her madly. 

[Stands jor a moment in deep thought, then 
walks slowly off through center door down 
the hall. MARIANA enters from door down 
right from reception room. She has a note 
in her hand.} 

MARIANA. 

Kathleen has conveyed to me my own letter to Reginald 
unopened. She says he has left his lodgings, and his land 
lady does not know when he will return. I am afraid men 
are not what they are represented to be. 

[Sits down in chair near the door at right. 
LORD MANLY comes on through hall 
and center door. He is slightly intoxicated.] 

LORD MANLY. 
Ah ! Miss Vincent ! What happiness. 

MARIANA. 
[Annoyed.] Here s another! 

LORD MANLY. 
Won t you drink something? I mean eat something? 

MARIANA. 

[Not looking at him.] Thank you, I care for nothing ! 
There can be no mistake; Kathleen vowed she delivered 
the letters. 

LORD MANLY. 

You won t eat, and you won t drink most straordinary ! 
What will you do ? 

[74] 




* 7 begin to think I do love her. Yes, I believe I do and 1 think 
I love her madly yes, I do, I love her madly." 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MARIANA. 

I will dispense with your society, sir. [As she rises, she 
looks at him.] I do believe he is intoxicated. 

LORD MANLY. 

She s coy ! She s coy ! No, fair creature, I have follolled 
follolled I have follolled most straordinary I can t say 
follolled I have follolled you from room to room to find 

you. 

MARIANA. 
And having found me, you may leave me, sir! 

LORD MANLY. 

Leave you ! Never ! Never will I stir from this sacred 
spot. [In his endeavor to stand quite still, staggers and 
almost falls over.] I mean the sacred spot where you are. 
Miss Vincent, I adore you ! Fact. All you do, I see 
through rosy-colored glasses. 

MARIANA. 
Wine-colored glasses you mean, sir. Let me pass ! 

LORD MANLY. 

No, fair tantalizer. [Nods his head with great satis 
faction.] Good word tantalizer. I will speak ; my heart is 

full. 

MARIANA. 
There can be no doubt about the fulness. 

LORD MANLY. 

Here on my knees [looks at knees] Egad, look at my 
knees. I have four knees instead of two knees but, no 
matter here on all my knees [kneels, almost falling] I 
will pour out 

MARIANA. 
More liquor, sir. You do not need it. 

LORD MANLY. 

You cannot ignore me, my love, my passion, my 
adorashion I mean adoration, Miss Vincent I 

[75] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[BEAU has come on through center door. Unperceived he 
comes down, takes LORD MANLY by the ear, 
making him rise and stagger back.] 

BEAU. 

My dear Miss Vincent, how unfortunately unconven 
tional. 

LORD MANLY. 
Mr. Brummel, sir, you are no gentleman. 

BEAU. 
My good fellow, you are no judge. 

LORD MANLY. 
My honor, sir, my honor ! 

BEAU. 

Fiddlesticks ! Come trot away, trot away. You may 
apologize to Miss Vincent to-morrow. 

LORD MANLY. 
You apologize to me now, sir. 

BEAU. 

I never had occasion to do such a thing in my life. 
[Walks up and looks off down the hall.] Now trot away; I 
think I see the Prince approaching. 

LORD MANLY. 

Proach aprincing! I mean Prince approaching. Miss 
Vincent, it is with deep regret I say adieu ! 

[He stumbles to door at right and goes off.] 

BEAU. 

[Coming down and offering MARIANA a chair. She sits.] 
I heartily congratulate you, my dear Miss Vincent, on 
having escaped a scene. Nothing but the regard I bear 
you could have persuaded me to so nearly incur a possible 
fracas. Lord Manly was born with a silver spoon in his 
mouth, and he has thought it necessary to keep that spoon 

[76] 




" / begin to believe in you. 1 1 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

full ever since. But now that we have found one another, 
may I not be permitted to continue the conversation where 
it was broken off ? I desire to speak with you seriously. I 
wish to make a confession. I want to tell you what perhaps 
you know when I first sought your hand, I did not bring 
my heart. I admired you, tis true, but I did not love you 
not then not madly! I was I am so deeply in debt, 
so hemmed in by my creditors, so hard pressed on every 
side, it was necessary for me to do something to find the 
wherewithal to satisfy their just demands, or sink under 
my misfortunes and give up forever the life of the world 
which had become my very breath and being. The one 
means at my disposal to free myself from my difficulties 
was a marriage. I knew your fortune and I sought you 
out. The admiration I entertained for you the first few 
days deepened into esteem and finally expanded into 
l ove mac [ i ove t That is why I have rehearsed this to you. 
At first it was your fortune which allured me but now it 
is yourself ! 

MARIANA. 

Mr. Brummel! 

BEAU. 

Yet, were you penniless I would not wed you. 

MARIANA. 
[Rising in astonishment.] Mr. Brummel! 

BEAU. 

Because I would not drag you down to share this miser 
able, uncertain lot of mine. No ! I would seek you once 
to tell you of my love, and then step aside out of your path, 
and never cross it again. I would not willingly, purposely 
encompass your unhappiness. 

MARIANA. 
[Slowly.] I begin to believe in you. 

[77] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

I remember no other word that you have spoken. May 
I have the delight of pressing my very unworthy lips to 
your very dear hand ? 

[MARIANA is about to give BEAU her hand, 
then suddenly withdraws it.} 

MARIANA. 
I think, Mr. Brummel, I would rather you did not. 

BEAU. 

[Thoughtfully.] I believe you are right. Yes, I am quite 
sure you are. Thank you. You have saved me from doing 
something very commonplace. 

MARIANA. 
You are not angry, sir? 

BEAU. 

I believe it is exactly fifteen years since I last lost my 
temper but, Mariana, I still await your answer. It is a 
new sensation for Brummel te be kept waiting. 

MARIANA. 

Will you leave me, sir, to consider my decision ? I pray 
you, Mr. Brummel, give me a few moments here alone. 
[She motions toward recess farthest down stage 
and crosses toward it.] 

BEAU. 

I would refuse you nothing. I will await your pleasure 
in this other recess, and seek you here in five slow 
minutes. 

[He motions toward the recess the farthest up 
stage and with a low bow to MARIANA 
goes in and draws the curtain.] 

MARIANA. 

[Stands holding the curtain which closes the recess where 

[78] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

she is standing.] I cannot bring myself to say yes to him, 
although a certain sympathy pleads in his behalf, and joins 
with pride to prompt me against Reginald, who has neg 
lected me. Why has he not replied to my letters ? Tis very 
soon to be forgotten! Oh, Reginald, to be absent when 
most I needed you. You are no better than the men of the 
world. Father is right. Mr. Brummel shall have his 
answer. [The PRINCE and MRS. ST. AUBYN enter at 
center door, so much engrossed in each other they do not 
see MARIANA.] Oh, how provoking! 

[MARIANA hides in recess and draws the curtain.} 

BEAU. 

[Who has also looked out at that moment.] How very 
annoying ! I shall have to play Patience on a window-seat 
and wait. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Yes. I must own to you my sentiments toward Mr. 
Brummel are greatly altered. Until I met you can you 
believe it ? I positively thought him a man of some parts. 

BEAU. 
[From the window.] Really, really ! 

PRINCE. 

Goddess! Of course, he has been much with me, and 
naturally smacks somewhat of my wit. 

BEAU. 

Ah, that s very good ! Very good ! 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

But only as a false echo does, for he has none of your 
delicate pleasantry. 

BEAU. 
No, thank goodness, I haven t. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

He mimics you in dress, in everything, but, then, you 
know, he never had your figure. 

[79] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[The PRINCE and MRS. ST. AUBYN go toward middle 
recess and seat themselves.] 

BEAU. 
Heaven forbid ! 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
He really has no taste. 

PRINCE. 

He showed that when he chose Miss Vincent for his 
marked attention. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

And do you think so, too ? Why, I know Miss Vincent 
is an insignificant little thing, whose name has never been 
associated with any gentleman of quality, but though with 
out mind or manners, she has money, sir. She dresses 
like a guy, but her clothes, like the clouds, have a silver 
lining. 

MARIANA. 

[With a hasty look out of the curtain.] I wish I could 
escape by the window. 

BEAU. 

I ve half a mind to crawl out of the window, but I might 
be observed. There s no resource but to try to go asleep. 

PRINCE. 

You are a flatterer and a coquette. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
No ; only a woman and under a spell. 

PRINCE. 
Damme, that sounds very fine. I should like 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
Well? 

PRINCE. 

I should like to be one of those little words that kiss 
your lips and die. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
One of my pet speeches number five 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Beware, sir, let me warn you remember, I have been 
married once already. 

PRINCE. 
Fore Gad, madam, I wish that you would marry twice. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Never! Now! To be sure, I once thought there was 
something like love engendered in me by Mr. Brummel, 
but now I know it was not real love ; it was only a shadow. 

PRINCE. 
Why do you think that ? 

[At this moment VINCENT enters from the center 
door. All the curtains of the different windows 
are drawn so he can see no one.] 

VINCENT. 

I cannot keep away any longer; she s been sensible and 
accepted him, or they d have been gone long before this. 
[MRS. ST. AUBYN moves the curtain a little, with a slight 
exclamation.] There they are in the recess behind the 
curtain. Oh, he s clever Mr. Brummel very clever. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

I tremble to acknowledge, even to myself, the dictates 
of my own heart. Ah, sir, I conceive you know only too 
well who reigns there now. 

VINCENT. 

[Who apparently cannot hear.] I should just like to hear 
a word to see how the great Mr. Brummel makes love. I 
wonder would it be wrong now to listen a bit? Why 
should it be am I not her father? It s my duty, and I 
will. [Comes further down and listens.] 

[81] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

PRINCE. 

Siren ! You make me drunk with joy ! 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

No; let me recover myself. You have bewitched me, 
sir. I must resist your fascinations and not forget the 
difference in our rank. Fashion would condemn me. 

PRINCE. 
Damn Fashion ! 

VINCENT. 

Oh ! Mr. Brummel a-damning Fashion. How he loves 
her! How he loves her. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
Ah ! sir, we women are so frail, so easily beguiled ! 

PRINCE. 
[Falling on his knees.] By heaven, I will not lose you ! 

VINCENT. 
[Joyfully.] He s on his knees! He s on his knees! 

PRINCE. 

Superb! sumptuous! beautiful woman! 

[Kisses her hand.] 
VINCENT. 
He s kissing her ! He s kissing her! 

PRINCE. 
I swear I will marry you ! 

VINCENT. 

[Who can restrain himself no longer, rushes forward and 
draws curtain aside.] And so you shall ! Bless you my 
[Sees the PRINCE and MRS. ST. AUBYN. Falls back.] Oh, 
Lord! The Prince! 

[All guests enter at center door.] 

PRINCE. 
[Rising, indignantly.] What do you mean, sir. Con- 

[82] 




Wales, will you ring the bell ? 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

found your damned impudence. Will some one show 

this gentleman 

BEAU. 

[Who has come slowly down.] Oh, take his blessing; it 
won t hurt you. 

PRINCE. 
Damn his blessing. 

BEAU. 

Be composed, my dear Wales, or you ll make a fool of 
yourself. 

PRINCE. 

[Too exasperated to take from BEAU what he usually 
thinks all right.] Oh, I am tired of your deuced imperti 
nence, too Beau. Step aside, step aside ! 

BEAU. 

[Slowly handing his snuff-box to the PRINCE.] My dear 
Wales, first you lose your equilibrium, and now you lose 
your temper. Take a little snuff. 

PRINCE. 
Damn your snuff ! [Knocks snuff-box out of BEAU S hand.] 

BEAU. 

[Puts up his glass and looks quietly at him.] Very bad 
manners, very bad. I shall have to order my carriage. 
Wales, will you ring the bell? 

[Everybody is aghast at BEAU S daring. The 
PRINCE stands petrified. BEAU holds out his 
hand to MARIANA, who has been standing in 
the recess half fainting. She comes forward, 
bows low to the PRINCE, and backs to the 
door, followed by her father, who is pitifully 
dejected. The curtain comes down as BEAU, 
with a last look at the PRINCE through his 
glass, turns and walks toward the door.] 

THE END OF THE SECOND ACT. 

[83] 



THE THIRD ACT 




THE THIRD ACT 

The Mall, St. James Park, the great promenade -where 
every day all London walks. There are benches on 
each side oj the stage under the trees. At the back 
ladies and gentlemen can be seen walking. 

[MORTIMER comes on from right-hand side, 
walks up and down impatiently. After a 
little KATHLEEN appears in a great hurry.] 

KATHLEEN. 
Oh ! You re there, are you ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Indignantly.] Am I here ? You re half an hour late. 

KATHLEEN. 

[Airily.] Well, what do you expect ? Aren t I a woman ? 
Say, what s the matter with your face ; you have an awful 
gloomy expression of countenance ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Laughing.] You little minx. Well, how goes it ? 

KATHLEEN. 

[Crossing to bench and sitting down.] Why, bad. I can t 
for the life of me keep one lie from spoiling the other. Say, 
is all this true about Mr. Brummel and the Prince? 

[87] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 
Yes. We ve quarreled. 

KATHLEEN. 
And did the Prince cut ye s? 

MORTIMER. 

No ; we cut the Prince, and on account of you Vincents, 
too. The Prince is deuced put out with Mr. Brummel, 
[crosses to bench and sits] so Bendon told me. It s all 
abroad, and I left a swarm of creditors at the house, and, 
worse still, there are two bailiffs after him. [KATHLEEN 
gives an exclamation of horror.} We must hurry on this 
marriage, Kathleen, or you and I ll be ruined. We must 
take pains to keep Mr. Brummel and his nephew apart, 
for he s that partial to him there s no telling what he 
mightn t do if he was to discover Miss Mariana and Mr. 
Reginald were lovers. 

KATHLEEN. 

And we must see to it that Miss Mariana and Mr. 
Reginald don t meet, else he d explain how he d never 
received any of her letters. I kept them all carefully, for 
I thought it might comfort him to read em after she was 
married to Mr. Brummel. But I must be off. [Rises.] 
Good morning, me Lud. [Makes very deep curtsy.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Bowing very low.] Till this evening, me Lady. 

KATHLEEN. 
Till this evening. 

[Turns to go out and meets REGINALD face to 
face.} 

REGINALD. 
Ah ! Kathleen, where have you been this last week ? 

KATHLEEN. 

[Is very much perturbed ; MORTIMER has retreated to the 
back of the Mall and then disappeared.} Here, sir, here. 

[88] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 
Will your mistress be in the Park this morning? 

KATHLEEN. 
No, sir; she left town to-day, sir. 

REGINALD. 
[A little wistfully.] Was she in good spirits, Kathleen ? 

KATHLEEN. 
Oh, beautiful, sir ! She skipt with joy. 

REGINALD. 

[Gives KATHLEEN money and then slowly walks away.] 
I cannot understand it. I am sure there is some mistake. 

KATHLEEN. 

[Looking at the coin disdainfully.] That s mighty small 
pay for a mighty big lie. Bad cess to him. 

[She walks off at the right with a toss of her 
head. As she disappears REGINALD comes 
down as though to call her back, but she has 
gone, and he turns to see MORTIMER.] 

REGINALD. 
Ah, Mortimer, is Mr. Brummel well ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Very respectfully, hat in hand] No, sir. Not at all, sir. 
He can see no one, sir. 

REGINALD. 

But he will see me ? 

MORTIMER. 

Excuse me, sir, but he especially mentioned your name, 
sir; he could not even see you. 

REGINALD. 
Will he not be in the Mall this morning ? 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 
No, oh, no, sir. 

REGINALD. 
Well, tell him I will visit him to-morrow. 

[REGINALD goes off down path to the right.] 

MORTIMER. 

That was a tight squeeze. I expect him here any 
moment. I must see him and warn him of the bailiffs, if 
he only arrives before they do. 

[MORTIMER goes off hurriedly by a path to the 
left. BEAU enters from the lower left-hand 
side and walks slowly to the center, followed 
by MORTIMER. MORTIMER seems quite out 
oj breath. BEAU is dressed in dark green silk 
knee breeches, green coat, black silk stockings, 
buckled shoes, frilled shirt and neckcloth, 
wears two fobs, carries cane with eye-glass in 
the top, gray high hat of the period, yellow 
waistcoat, yellow gloves, large red boutonniere.} 

MORTIMER. 
Mr. Brummel, sir! 

[BEAU starts, turns, lifts cane slowly, looks at 
MORTIMER through glass on top, then turns 
away and continues his walk.} 

MORTIMER. 
[Very deferentially, but firmly.] Mr. Brummel, sir ! 

BEAU. 
[Without turning.] I think there is some mistake. 

MORTIMER. 
Excuse me, sir, but I must speak to you. 

BEAU. 
You forget, Mortimer, servants in the street are like 

[90] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

children at the table, they may be seen, but must not be 
heard. 

MORTIMER. 
I have not forgotten, sir, but this is serious. 

BEAU. 

Serious! then it is sure to be unpleasant wait till I 
take some snuff. 

[Takes snuff very quietly and with much cere 
mony, replaces box, then nods to MORTIMER 
and listens.] 

MORTIMER. 
Sir, your quarrel with the Prince is already common talk. 

BEAU. 
[Brushing a little snuff off his ruffles.] Ah, poor Wales ! 

MORTIMER. 

There was a crowd of creditors at your door when I 
left, sir. 

BEAU. 
That is neither new nor serious. 

MORTIMER. 
But they were angry and would not go away. 

BEAU. 

Why did you not send them off ? 

MORTIMER. 

Sir, we ve been sending them off for the past two years, 
and now they won t be sent. Besides, sir, there are two 
bailiffs who swore they d have you if they had to take 
you in the Mall. 

BEAU. 
Impossible ! 

MORTIMER. 
I fear not, sir ; one is from Mr. Abrahams. 

[91] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Here? In the Mall? I would rather perish. There is 
no help for it. [To himself.] I must make a shield of 
my marriage. I blush to do it, for it would seem to leave a 
blot upon my love for Mariana, but a blot upon that love 
is better than a blot upon the name of Brummel, the name 
she is to wear. [Aloud to Mortimer.] Mortimer! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 

You must hasten back and meet them, these dogs of 
bailiffs ; you must prevent them by telling them of my 
marriage to the daughter of Mr. Oliver Vincent. That 
prospect should satisfy them. Promise them all they 
demand and added interest. [BEAU starts to go off at the 
right-hand side, MORTIMER also moves off to the left.] Prom 
ise them everything. [MORTIMER stops and bows respect 
fully, then starts again. BEAU moves on a few paces 
then stops again.] Promise them anything. 

[MORTIMER again stops and bows. BEAU 
moves on again and MORTIMER also starts 
again to go. BEAU stops suddenly.] 

BEAU. 

And, Mortimer ! [MORTIMER stops, comes back a few 
steps.] You must not go unrewarded ; [MORTIMER looks 
pleased and expectant] promise yourself something! 

[BEAU walks slowly off at the right-hand side 
and MORTIMER, with a low bow, replaces his 
hat and goes quickly off at the left side.] 

MORTIMER. 

[As he exits.] Yes, sir! 

[VINCENT and MARIANA enter from the upper 
left-hand entrance. MARIANA is dressed 

[92] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

simply but prettily in a light flowered silk gown, poke 
bonnet, parasol.] 

VINCENT. 

We ll be sure to meet him here somewhere. You must 
do it all, Mariana. He was just as haughty with me last 
night after we left Carlton House as he always was. You 
wouldn t have thought he had just sacrificed himself for 
me. 

MARIANA. 
Sacrificed himself for you, papa ? 

VINCENT. 

Isn t it sacrificing himself for him to give up his position 
in the world ? And isn t that what he has done to resent 
your father s insult? 

MARIANA. 

[Trying to lighten the seriousness of the situation.] I 
fancied he did it partly on my account, papa. 

VINCENT. 

Of course, you little rogue, it was for us both, but it s 
you alone who can repay him. He hasn t a penny and 
this rupture with the Prince has brought down all his 
creditors upon him. With the money your dowry will 
bring him [MARIANA turns her head away, biting her lip] 
he can pay off his creditors and defy the Prince. Without 
it he can do neither and is utterly ruined. 

MARIANA. 

I realize, father, that it is through us this sudden calamity 
has come upon Mr. Brummel. It was you, papa, who 
were to blame. Why did you bring down the curtain before 
the comedy was over? 

VINCENT. 

[A little irritably.] Come, come, Mariana, you have too 
teasing a temper. 

[93] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MARIANA. 

[Seriously enough now.] Ah, my dear father, I only 
want to help you by making light of the matter. Come, 
[taking his arm and crossing slowly toward the right] let 
us find Mr. Brummel. I am not blind to the fact that it 
was by protecting you and me he exposed himself to insult. 
Well, he shall not suffer for it. Father, I promise you 
that I will accept his hand. 

VINCENT. 

And I feel sure that it will mean happiness for you in the 
end. Wait here [seats MARIANA on bench at right] a 
moment, and I will return with Mr. Brummel. 

[VINCENT exits at the upper right-hand path.] 

MARIANA. 

Yes, yes. I must hesitate no longer. I must think now 
only of my father, and not remember Reginald, who has 
neglected me. Gratitude and sympathy shall take the 
place of love in my heart. 

[MRS. ST. AUBYN enters from right-hand en 
trance, dressed very exquisitely in white, 
large white hat, carries a }an.] 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
Ah, Miss Vincent ! Is Mr. Brummel with you ? 

[Makes a very slight curtsy.] 

MARIANA. 
[Rising and curtsying.] No ; my father. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

And you have him to thank for the scene last evening. 
It is he Mr. Brummel has to thank for the Prince s dis 
pleasure. 

MARIANA . 

[Anxiously.] Madam, and is the Prince still angry? 

[94] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[With great relish.] He is furious and swears he will 
never forgive him. There is, I think, only one person who 
could influence him in Mr. BrummePs behalf, and that 
person is myself ! 

[Crosses triumphantly in front of MARIANA 
with a sweep of her fan on the last word.] 

MARIANA. 

[Eagerly going a little toward her.] Then, surely, you 
who have been such a good friend of Mr. Brummel will 
use your influence in his behalf. Indeed, if I am not 
wrong, it was through Mr. Brummel that you met the 
Prince. Your smoothing this quarrel, then, will be but a 
fair return to him. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

You forget I am a woman of fashion. We take all we 
can get, but we never give anything. No, only on one 
condition shall I persuade the Prince to hold Mr. Brummel 
again in favor. 

MARIANA. 

[With quiet scorn.] Ah, I see, a condition. Then you 
women of the world condescend to sell, if you will not give. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Angrily.] You would do better not to ruffle me. My 
condition is this: If you will promise to relinquish Mr. 
Brummel, I will make the Prince promise not to cut him, 
as he has sworn to do publicly to-day. 

[Looks triumphantly at MARIANA, then turns 
away as though to give her time to consider.] 

MARIANA. 

I would I could accept this proposition, but I cannot, I 
cannot. Twould be the greatest injustice to Mr. Brummel. 
I must not forget that he did not hesitate to sacrifice him- 

[95] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

self for me and my father. I spoke to her of making him 
a return. Let me not shrink then from making as just a 
one myself. [Then speaking to MRS. ST. AUBYN, who has 
turned toward MARIANA.] What right have you to ask 
any one to give him up ? 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
He sought my favors before you enticed him from me. 

MARIANA. 

[Very quietly.] I do not believe that. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Angrily.] You are uncommonly insolent. [Then 
changing her tone to one of condescension.] Well, even if it 
were not so I should still have the right to ask you. You 
seem to forget the difference in our position. 

[She sweeps past MARIANA with a grand air 
toward the right. At this moment BEAU 
enters from the right-hand side ; he has over 
heard the last speech. He crosses to the 
center, bowing to MRS. ST. AUBYN as he 
passes her, and with a very low bow to 
MARIANA says :] 

BEAU. 

It is you, Mrs. St. Aubyn, who forget. It is greatly to 
the credit of Miss Vincent if she can overlook a difference 
your present conduct makes so very marked. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[With a very low curtsy.] I will repeat to you what I 
have just said to Miss Vincent. 

BEAU. 
[Airily] Pray do not fatigue yourself, madam. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
You will learn that I know how to remain a friend when 

[96] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

once I become one. I offered Miss Vincent the chance of 
regaining for you the Prince s friendship. 

BEAU. 
And your price ? 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
[In a low tone.] Yourself. 

BEAU. 

[To MARIANA.] And you, you refused ? [MARIANA bows 
her head.} It would have been most unflattering, madam, 
had Miss Vincent disposed of me so cheaply. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Who is now enraged almost beyond the bounds oj 
endurance.] Are you mad? Do you know to whom you 
are speaking ? You are somewhat rash, sir. Discard me 
and the Prince shall know all. 

BEAU. 

He knows so very little at present, the knowledge of 
anything would be largely to his advantage. And yet I 
cannot imagine you will tell him all. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
Your raillery is ill planned. A woman scorned 

BEAU. 

Pray spare us, Mrs. St. Aubyn ; you were never intended 
for tragedy it does not become you and it produces 
[pause] wrinkles. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Has now recovered her composure.] Mr. Brummel, I 
bid you adieu you have taught me how to smile even 
when tush I am a woman of fashion ! [Crosses to left, 
passing MARIANA.] Miss Vincent, I wish you joy. [With 
an exaggerated deep curtsy. MARIANA curtsies. Looks off 
up the lejt pathj calls:] Manly Lord Manly. [MANLY 

[97] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

comes on, raises hat, bows.] Lord Manly your arm your 
arm. [They go off arm in arm.] 

MARIANA. 

[Sinking down on bench.] Your regard and protection 
leave me too much in your debt. 

BEAU. 

Pray let that debt weigh no more heavily on you than 
do my debts on me. One smile of yours had overpaid me. 

MARIANA. 

If your creditors were as easily satisfied as you are, sir, 
I should be prodigal of my smiles. 

BEAU. 

[Crossing to MARIANA S side.] Ah, Mariana, if your 
smiles were the coinage, Egad, I think I should turn miser. 

MARIANA. 
You are not practical, sir. I must make you so. 

BEAU. 

I am your slave and the chains I wear are no burden. 
May I indeed hope that you will accept my humble service ? 
That you will be my wife ? [Stands hat in hand.] 

MARIANA. 

Yes, Mr. Brummel, I honor and respect you. [Gives her 
hand to BEAU.] I will be your wife. 

BEAU. 

[Kissing her hand.} And may I hope you will learn to 
love me a little ? 

MARIANA. 

I do indeed hope so. \A side.} Or make myself forget. 

BEAU. 

[Putting on his hat with a buoyant gesture.} Come, 

[98] 




" // your creditors were as easily satisfied as you are, sir, 
I should be prodigal oj my smiles." 



Of THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

Mariana, [MARIANA rises] honor my arm and we will 
tell the whole world of our of my happiness. 

[They go off at left-hand path. Vincent enters 
from the right.] 

VINCENT. 

I can t find him anywhere. I m afraid he s hiding, poor 
fellow, from those bailiffs, and doesn t dare show his face 
lest he be taken. Where s Mariana ? Has she changed 
her mind and gone? No, she gave her promise she d 
accept him and I can trust to her word. I ll search for her 
now and perhaps by so doing I may find him. 

[VINCENT goes out by upper path, left-hand side. 
Two bailiffs enter from upper right-hand 
path. They are villainous-looking creatures; 
one limps the other has a patch over one eye 
and both have very red noses; they are dressed 
in ragged clothes.} 

FIRST BAILIFF. 

Our gentleman s so fine we mustn t bother our eyes 
with winking or he ll slip through our fingers. 

SECOND BAILIFF. 

Not if I know it. This is the most fashionable affair 
of my life. Look here who s this ? 

[He points to the left-hand path. They both 
quickly withdraw behind a tree. BEAU 
enters from the left.} 

BEAU. 

I ll leave her to inform her father. I must find Morti 
mer ; he should have returned by now. What if he should 
not have met those bailiffs if they should still be at large. 
Zounds! [He sits on bench at right.] 

FIRST BAILIFF. 
[In a low tone.] That s him ! 

[99] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

SECOND BAILIFF. 

Lud ain t he scrumptious! We ought to have a pair 
of silver sugar-tongs to take him with. 

[They come down, one behind the other.} 

FIRST BAILIFF. 
Mr. Brummel, sir! 

BEAU. 
[Looking up.} The devil ! 

FIRST BAILIFF. 

No, sir, the bailiff. 

BEAU. 
What is the difference ? 

[The bailiffs look at one another in amazement.} 

FIRST BAILIFF. 
We ve been looking for you, sir. 

BEAU. 

I am so sorry you have put yourself to that trouble, 
and you must not speak to me here. Do you realize what 
you are doing? Suppose some one were to observe you. 
My valet will attend to you. 

FIRST BAILIFF. 

Oh, we ll take care of your valet later; it s you that we ve 
got a couple of papers for this morning. I represent your 
landlord, sir! 

[BEAU lifts his cane with great deliberation and 
looks at him through glass.} 

BEAU. 
Are you the best he can do? 

FIRST BAILIFF. 

You have lived in his house three years, and he con 
siders it s time as how you paid a bit of rent. 

[IPO] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[As though to himself.] The ungrateful wretch ! The very 
fact of my having resided in his house should be more 
than sufficient remuneration. 

SECOND BAILIFF. 
[Comes up in front of BEAU, while FIRST 
BAILIFF retires a little, shaking his head, as 
though completely puzzled.] 

And I am here for Mr. Abrahams and several other 
gentlemen. 

BEAU. 

You remind me of the person in the theatre whom they 
call the super, who represents the enemy on the march or 
the company in the ballroom. We will dispense with your 
company, sir. 

FIRST BAILIFF. 

[Coming up again.] That won t do, Mr. Brummel. 
You must pay, or come along with us. 

[Makes vague gesture of thumb over shoulder.} 

SECOND BAILIFF. 

[Making same gesture as he withdraws again.] Yes, pay 
or come along with us. 

BEAU. 

You men must be mad ; the Prince will be here presently, 
and I will speak to him. [Rises.] 

FIRST BAILIFF. 

[Obsequiously.] Oh, if His Royal Highness will help 
you, sir, of course, we won t press matters. 

B E AU . 

See that you do not. And now [looking at them through 
his glass] trot away, trot away, and walk in Fleet Street ; 
the Mall is really no place for you. 

f He turns, lifts his boutonniere so he can inhale 
the perjume of the flowers, and then walks 

[101] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

away "with great deliberation. They stand staring after 
him for an instant, stupefied.} 

FIRST BAILIFF. 

We ll keep our eye on our gentleman, just the same. 
These little rumors about the Prince and him might be 
true after all, and if they are, why we won t walk in Fleet 
Street alone. 

[He takes a black bottle out of his pocket, takes 
a drink and then hands it to the SECOND 
BAILIFF, who also takes a drink, then they go 
off ^n the same direction BEAU went. The 
DUCHESS, LADY FARTHINGALE, LORD 
MANLY and SHERRY come on from the left- 
hand path. LORD MANLY and LADY 
FARTHINGALE cross to the right-hand bench. 
LADY FARTHINGALE sits, MANLY stands by 
her side. Three ladies and gentlemen come 
on at the back and stand there, apparently 
chatting or listening to the DUCHESS.] 

DUCHESS. 

Where can Beau have disappeared to? It s near time 
for the Prince to be out, and I wouldn t miss observing the 
meeting for worlds. Pray, Sherry, give us your opinion 
will he cut him or not ? 

[The DUCHESS has been flying around looking 
for BEAU in every direction.} 

SHERIDAN. 

Really, Duchess, I cannot say what the Prince will do. 
He s too great a fool for me to put myself in his place. 

MANLY. 

Damme, of course, he ll cut him, and, moreover, Beau 
deserves it. 

SHERIDAN. 
[Decidedly.} Then, for my part, I say, let s move on. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

DUCHESS. 

[Equally decided.} We ll do no such thing. We must see 
for ourselves, so that we can trust our own ears and know 
how to treat Mr. Brummel accordingly. Besides, if we 
observe it, we can inform others of the affair correctly, 
and there will be some merit in that. 

[SHERIDAN moves away to the right, with a 
shrug of his shoulders.] 

LADY FARTHINGALE. 

Mr. Brummel will never be able to stand it if he s 
injured. I should not wonder now if he fainted ! 

DUCHESS. 

Dear me, do you think so? [Face falls as though dis 
appointed.} I don t know, I m afraid not. 

SHERIDAN. 

[Impatiently.} He s more likely to resent any insult, 
I m convinced. 

DUCHESS. 

[Most excited, rushes to LADY FARTHINGALE.] What ! A 
duel ! Oh, Lud, Lady Farthingale, only think a duel ! 
Deuce take it, where can Beau be? I m afraid the Prince 
will arrive first. 

SHERIDAN. 

[Sarcastically.} My dear Duchess, prithee be calm; 
you are too great an enthusiast. 

DUCHESS. 

[Looking off at the right.} Here comes Mr. Brummel, 
I vow. Do you notice anything different in his manner 
of walking? 

SHERIDAN. 

[Monocle in eye, looks off in direction BEAU is supposed 
to be.} He seems to have the same number of legs as 
formerly. [He crosses over to the left.} 

[103] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

DUCHESS. 

Oh, you may rail at me, Sherry, but it s no laughing 
matter for Mr. Brummel, I can tell you. 

LADY FARTHINGALE. 

[Rising so she can see better.] He s coming he s 
coming ! , 

DUCHESS. 

Lud, we must not expose ourselves. We must at least 
feign utter ignorance of the affair. [BEAU enters.] Ah, 
Beau ! [The ladies curtsy, men raise their hats.] 

BEAU. 

Still loitering, Duchess ? I was so afraid you would have 
returned home. [He joins SHERRY on the other side.] 

DUCHESS. 

[Aside to LADY FARTHINGALE.] You hear? A hint 
for us to go, but he ll not hoodwink his Duchess. [To 
BEAU.] We were just going, but we ll rest a moment for 
another chat with you. 

BEAU. 

Too good of you, Duchess. Are you not afraid to risk 
your what s that called, Sherry? [Touching his cheek.] 

SHERRY. 
[Much embarrassed.] Complexion. 

BEAU. 
Yes, your complexion in the sun. 

[Chats with SHERRY. DUCHESS, very angry, 
does not know what to say until LADY FAR 
THINGALE S speech gives her a chance to show 
her spite fulness.] 

LADY FARTHINGALE. 
Here comes His Royal Highness ! 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

DUCHESS. 

[Looking off at the right.] The Prince! Is he truly? I 
didn t expect him this morning. Beau, the Prince is 
coming. 

BEAU. 

[Indifferently.] Is he really ? Where s the music ? In 
the play the Prince always comes on with music. Let s 
be going, Sherry, there s no music. 

[Takes SHERRY S arm and they move off to 
the left.] 

DUCHESS. 

[Meaningly.] What, Beau, you wouldn t leave before 
His Royal Highness comes? 

BEAU. 

[Seeing there is no escape, meets his /ate gallantly.] By 
my manners, no. Sherry, let us meet him. 

[ They turn and start to the right as the PRINCE 
enters with MRS. ST. AUBYN on his arm. The 
DUCHESS has retreated back to where LADY 
FARTHINGALE is standing.] 

DUCHESS. 
The deuce, did you hear that Lady Farthingale? 

[BEAU and SHERRY reach the center and stop. 
The PRINCE and MRS. ST. AUBYN pass 
directly by BEAU, although he stands hat in 
hand, and address SHERRY. BEAU replaces 
hat and listens with an amused expression.] 

PRINCE. 

Sup with me to-night, Sherry, after the play. Mrs. St. 
Aubyn and the Duchess will be there with us, and, Egad, 
we ll make a night of it. 

[SHERRY can only bow acquiescence and the 
PRINCE and MRS. ST. AUBYN move on a 
little way. BEAU, lifting his glass, looks 
after them and says to SHERRY:] 

[1053 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
Sherry, who s your fat friend ? 

[SHERRY is divided between delight and amaze 
ment at his daring and consternation at 
thought oj the consequences, and whispers in 
BEAU S ear.} 

PRINCE. 
[Who has stopped short.] Well damn his impudence ! 

BEAU. 

[Affects not to hear or understand SHERRY.] I beg your 
pardon, who did you say? I had no idea he looked like 
that. Is it really ? You don t say so ? Dear, dear, what 
a pity ! What a pity ! 

[Takes SHERIDAN S arm and they go off at the 
right, BEAU with his usual imperturbable air 
and SHERIDAN visibly shaking and dejected. 
The PRINCE and MRS. ST. AUBYN are at the 
left, the PRINCE speechless with rage and 
MRS. ST. AUBYN trying to say something 
consoling.} 

DUCHESS. 
Well, I ve had all my pains for nothing. 

LADY FARTHINGALE. 
But, Duchess, did you see? 

DUCHESS. 

See what ? There was nothing to see ! [With a chuckle.] 
Lud, Beau got the best of it. 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

Duchess, you look ill. Doesn t the air agree with you, or 
is it the daylight ? 

DUCHESS. 

[Loftily.] I hope, my dear Mrs. St. Aubyn, you ll never 
look worse. [With a deep curtsy.} 

[106] 




" Sherry, who s your fat friend ? 



Of THE 

[ UNIVERSITY J 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
[With affected horror.] Heaven forbid ! 

[The PRINCE and MRS. ST. AUBYN exit at left. 
All the people at back exit.] 

DUCHESS. 

Come, let s be going. [LORD MANLY offers one arm to 
the DUCHESS, LADY FARTHINGALE takes his other arm. 
They move off toward the left] Where can Beau have dis 
appeared to? Of course, it s of no interest to us, only I 
must say it was uncommonly ill-natured of him not to 
make more of a scene for our sakes, you know. 

[Th-ey all go out. BEAU and SHERRY enter 
from the right, followed by the two bailiffs. 
SHERIDAN speaks as they come on.} 

SHERIDAN. 

Your marriage, my dear Beau, will redeem your mis 
fortune, and it is the only thing that will. 

{They have reached the center by this time, and 
BEAU sees the bailiffs. He stops, puts up his 
glass, looks at them, and says:] 

BEAU. 

[Shaking his finger at SHERRY.] Sherry, Sherry, who are 
these fellows following you ? 

[SHERRY turns and sees the bailiffs and becomes 
much agitated.] 

BAILIFF. 
Mr. Brummel, sir! 

[BEAU sees it s no use to try to deceive SHERRY.] 

BEAU. 

Zounds ! Proceed. Sherry, I will join you in a moment. 
Well, my good men! 

[SHERRY hurries off, shaking his head sadly] 

[107] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
You donkeys, would you ruin me ? 

BAILIFF. 

Come, come, we ve had enough of your airs, now 7 . 
You d better come along with us quietly. 

[Places finger on BEAU S shoulder.] 

BEAU. 

[Moves away.] For Heaven s sake, don t put those hands 
on me ! Why don t you wear gloves ? [Bailiff, who had 
retreated a step, comes closer.] And don t come so close. 
You are too hasty and ill-advised you have no manners. 
[Bailiffs retreat in real confusion and astonishment.] 
There s one resource, I must tell them. [He takes out snuff 
box and takes snuff with great deliberation, and does not 
speak until he has returned box, brushed his lace ruffles, 
then he turns to them.] Had you met my valet he would 
have delivered to you my message. It was to the effect that 
the banns of marriage between the daughter of Mr. Oliver 
Vincent and myself are to be published in St. James s on 
Sunday. As the son-in-law of the merchant prince I can 
not only satisfy your master s demands, but handsomely 
remember you yourselves. Now, trot away, trot away, 
anywhere out of my sight. [Turns away.} 

BAILIFF. 

We ve heard one of your fine stories before, and we 
don t go till you prove what you say. 

BEAU. 

How very annoying ! [Looks off at left and sees MARIANA. 
H is face lights up.] Here comes Mariana. Here is the 
young lady herself. Withdraw and you shall have your 
proof. [Bailiffs look at each other.] 

FIRST BAILIFF. 
[A little doubtfully.] Well ! 

[1C?] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

SECOND BAILIFF. 
[Still more doubtfully.] Well!! 

FIRST BAILIFF. 
Well, we ll see what it is, eh? 

[They exit at the back lejt. BEAU walks down 
to the right, brushes his shoulder where 
bailiff s hand had rested, turns and crosses 
toward lejt as though to meet MARIANA, 
suddenly stops.] 

BEAU. 

What ! [Looks again as though he thought himself mis 
taken.] Reginald and Mariana! Mariana and Reginald! 
[Shakes his head as though to dispel the 
thoughts that would come. Then walks 
slowly toward the path at back, leading off 
to the lejt. MARIANA enters hastily, followed 
by REGINALD, both much agitated.] 

REGINALD. 

I have been wretched beyond the telling my letters 
left unanswered, not one word from you in fourteen days. 

MARIANA. 

My letters and appeals unanswered is what you mean, 
sir. I wrote you even up to yesterday, and Kathleen vowed 
that she delivered all the notes till then. 

REGINALD. 
To whom did she deliver them? Twas not to me. 

MARIANA. 

[With a cry of joy.] What, you did not receive them? 
Then Kathleen has played me false. Oh, Reginald, what 
I have suffered in wrongly thinking you untrue to me. 

REGINALD. 
Such doubt of me was cruel, Mariana, but [lightly] 

[109] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

come, ask my pardon and see how quickly I ll forgive 
you. 

[Comes to her and tries to take her hands, but 
MARIANA draws away.} 

MARIANA. 
No no. I cannot, I cannot. 

REGINALD. 

[Misunderstanding.] Then see, I ll forgive without the 
asking. 

MARIANA. 

[Still refusing to let him take her hand.] Reginald, what 
will you think ? How can I tell you? It is too late now. 

REGINALD. 
Too late ! What do you mean ? 

MARIANA. 
I have promised myself to another. 

[BEAU is seen at back, head bowed, attitude one 
oj utter sadness.} 

REGINALD. 

[Forcibly.] You must break that promise. To whom has 
it been given ? 

MARIANA . 
To Mr. Brummel. 

REGINALD. 

Mr. Brummel ! [In shocked surprise.] Great heavens ! 
Mariana, he is my best friend my benefactor. 

MARIANA. 
No no ! 

REGINALD. 

My mother s only brother. It is he who since her 
death hag cared for me most tenderly and all my life has 
shielded me from every harm. 

[no] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MARIANA. 

He is overwhelmed now by his difficulties. His creditors 
are like bloodhounds on his track. He has sacrificed him 
self for me in defence of my father. Through me alone 
can he be rid of his distresses. 

REGINALD. 

And he loves you. I know that, too, and you, do you 
love him ? 

MARIANA. 
[Reproachfully.] You should not ask me that. 

REGINALD. 

[Taking her hands.] You are right! But I cannot give 
you up, nor can I see my uncle ruined ; he is the one man 
in the universe from whom I would not steal your love. 
Tis you who must decide. 

MARIANA. 
And I have done so. I am his. 

[BEAU comes down to the center. REGINALD and 
MARIANA draw back on each side.] 

BEAU. 

No no, I give you up ; I release you from your promise. 
[The bailiffs enter and stand at back listening.] 

MARIANA. 

[Starting forward.] Sir ! 

BEAU. 
Take her, Reginald ! 

[He holds out his hand to MARIANA, who is 
about to give him hers, when she stops, with 
draws her hand.] 

MARIANA. 
No, I am yours. I will not be released. Our love would 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

not be happiness if it entailed your ruin. Reginald has 
told me that he owes to you his life. My father and myself 
have greater cause for gratitude to you than I can say. I 
hold you to your vows. 

BEAU 



.BEAU. 

Impossible ; I now release you. 



REGINALD. 

[Sees the bailiffs.] Great heavens, the bailiffs! You 
shall not sacrifice yourself for us. I join with Mariana 
against myself and say that she is yours. 

BEAU. 

[Looks at him with great affection.] No no ! [Brushes 
an imaginary speck from his sleeve.] I love you both too well 
to come between your young hearts happiness. 

MARIANA. 
[In a last effort to change him.] And yet you loved me ! 

[BEAU takes a step toward her with a look of 
love and reproach.] 

BEAU. 

Mariana ! No, [lifting his hat and turning away] I must 
leave you. 

REGINALD. 

You shall not ; we will speak to Mr. Vincent and he will 
help you. 

BEAU. 

[Reprovingly.] I have no claim whatever on Mr. Vincent. 
[Bailiffs standing at back give a nod to each other.] Take 
her, Reginald; wear her very near your heart for my sake. 
[Hands MARIANA to REGINALD.] And now I would accom 
pany you further, but I cannot not now, [with a slight, 
almost imperceptible turn toward the bailiffs] I happen 

[112] 




" / happen to have a very pressing engagement 
with with His Majesty." 



3p 

OF THE 

f UNIVERSITY ) 

OF 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

to have a very pressing engagement with with His 

Majesty ! 

[BEAU turns, after a very ceremonious bow to 
MARIANA to the right, and moves off. The 
bailiffs have come down and follow him 
closely; one of them taps him on the shoulder. 
BEAU stops for an instant, then takes out 
snuff-box, and takes snuff and walks slowly 
off with the greatest dignity. MARIANA hides 
her face on REGINALD S shoulder as curtain 
comes down.] 



THE END OF THE THIRD ACT 



THE FOURTH ACT 



SCENE ONE 




THE FOURTH ACT 

SCENE ONE 

A lodging house at Calais a room at the top of the house. 
The shabbiest furniture bare floor window at the 
back with rude settle in it ; the tops of neighboring houses 
can be seen from the window. A large fireplace with 
small fire is at the right, with a door below leading into 
another room. A table stands in the middle of room 
with a chair each side. Another door at the left leads into 
the hall. BEAU is discovered sitting in front of fireplace 
with his back to the audience. He is dressed in a yellow 
brocaded dressing-gown, apparently the same one worn 
in Act I, but with its glory gone, faded and worn, 
torn in places ; he wears old black slippers, with white 
stockings and brown trousers, "slit so at the bottom 
and then buttoned tight." His hair is a little gray, his 
face thin and worn. At rise of curtain MORTIMER 
enters from hallway. He, too, shows the wear and tear of 
poverty. All his jauntiness has gone; he is shabbily 
dressed. After waiting a minute to see if BEAU will 
notice him he speaks : 

MORTIMER 

Not a letter, sir. No answer to those we sent over a 
month ago. Only one to me from Kathleen, to say if I 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

don t return immediately she will take to Mr. Sheridan s 
gentleman for good, and enclosing me the passage money 
over. [BEAU turns a little and looks at him as though to 
see if he is going.} I I gave it to the bootmaker, whom 
I met at the foot of the stairs with a bailiff as I came in. 

[BEAU sinks back in his chair again, satisfied 
that MORTIMER will not leave him.} 

BEAU. 

If you would not use it for yourself, Mortimer, you might 
at least have bought a pate for dinner instead ; we should 
have had something to eat, and we could have made the 
bailiff stop and dine with us. Could you make no further 
loans ? [His voice is harsh and strained.] 

MORTIMER. 

No more, sir. I tried everywhere. No one will trust us 
any more. 

BEAU. 

Mortimer, what will become of us? Think what the 
finest gentleman of his time is undergoing. It s enough 
to drive one mad. 

MORTIMER. 
Have you nothing more to sell, sir ? 

[BEAU rises and comes to the table. He has 
a snuff-box in his hand , a small black one, 
in great contrast to the jewelled box he carried 
in the earlier scenes.] 

BEAU. 

My last snuff-box. You would not have me dispose of 
that, Mortimer, a paltry trifle that would bring nothing. 
No, there is nothing, Mortimer. Everything belongs to 
that wretched female creature who dignifies this hovel 
with the name of lodgings. 

[Loud knocking is heard at the door, which is 
thrown violently open, and the landlady 

[us] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

stalks in. She is a very determined-looking woman, short 
and stout, with a red /ace and a pronounced 
mustache. She is dressed in a rather short 
blue skirt, heavy shoes, blue denim apron, 
black blouse with white neckerchief, a white 
cap with broad frill. Stands with arms 
akimbo looking at BEAU disdainfully.] 

BEAU. 

Talking of angels! Good morning, my dear madam. 
So courteous of you to come. It is not my reception day, 
but you are always welcome. Mortimer, offer this good 
lady a chair. 

LANDLADY. 

[Speaks with French accent.] Chair, humph! Your 
Mortimer had better offer me some money, some rent 
money, or I ll have you both shown to the door, do you 
hear? [Rapping on table, BEAU starts as though in 
distress at each loud rap.] That s what I come to say. 
[MORTIMER now offers her a chair.] No, I thank you, 
I ll stand ! It s my own chair, and I will not wear it out 
by sitting in it. 

BEAU. 

Then sit in it yourself, Mortimer ; I cannot permit you 
to stand; you are tired. I m so sorry, my dear madam, 
that I have nothing to offer you ; the supplies for which 
Mortimer went out a short time ago have not yet arrived. 

LANDLADY. 

[Sneeringly.] Supplies! Not yet arrived! Weil, when 
they do they will not pass my door, I ll tell you that. 

[Hammers on table again.] 

BEAU. 

[Wincing.] Do, my dear madam, do help yourself. 
And speaking of helping yourself reminds me, would you 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

mind returning some of my shirts ? I am sure you can 
not wear them yourself. Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes sir. 

BEAU. 
How many were there in the wash last week ? 

MORTIMER. 
Twelve, sir. 

BEAU. 

Yes now if you wouldn t mind returning Morti 
mer! 

M O RT I ME R . 

Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 
How many shall I require for the remainder of the week ? 

MORTIMER. 

Five, sir. 

BEAU. 

Yes, if you would not mind returning five, I think I 
might manage for the remainder of the week. 

LANDLADY. 

[Who has been restraining her wrath with difficulty.} I ll 
do nothing of the sort, sir, and I m sick of your fine man 
ners. I want more of the money, and less of the politeness. 
[With an exaggerated bow, mocking BEAU.] 

BEAU. 

[Taking snuff.] You mean, my dear madam, you want 
more of the politeness and less of the money. 

LANDLADY. 

[Furiously.] What! You dare insult me? Pay me 
to-day, or out into the street you go. Your polite talk may 

[120] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

do good there. It may do for the stones, but it will not 

do for the flesh, not for this flesh. Pauper! Pauper! Bah! 

[Shouts the last three words and as she gets to 

the door on "Bah," bangs door and goes out. 

At the word "Pauper" BEAU stands as 

though turned to stone.] 

BEAU. 
[Very slowly.] Mortimer. 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 
What did she call me ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Half sobbingly.] Pauper, sir. 

BEAU. 
[Sinking into chair by right of table.] Pauper ! 

MORTIMER. 
I am afraid, sir, she s in earnest. 

BEAU. 

[Quite simply.] She had that appearance. Mortimer, 
we must find the money somehow, or I must leave Calais 
to-night. 

MORTIMER. 

[Hesitatingly.] That packet of letters, sir, for which you 
have had so many offers from publishers. 

BEAU. 

What packet, Mortimer? 

MORTIMER. 

Your private letters of gossip and scandal from people 
of the Court. I know you have been averse, sir - [His 
voice dies away, as BEAU, drawing himself up, gives him a 
withering glance.] 

[121] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Mortimer, you surprise me. I thought you knew me 
better. No. I would rather suffer anything than live by 
sacrificing the reputation of those who once befriended me. 
[Opens drawer in table and takes out packet of letters tied 
with a jaded ribbon. Fondles them for an instant, then goes 
to fireplace, kneels and throws them into the flames.] There 
they go, Mortimer. There they go and almost any one 
of them might break a heart or blast a reputation, and see 
how swiftly they vanish, as swiftly as would the reputations 
which they are destroyed to save. 

MORTIMER. 

I was wondering, sir, if it would do to appeal to His 
Majesty. He might overlook what happened when he 
was Prince. He passes through Calais to-day, sir. 

BEAU. 

[Rising and coming to table.] I have thought of it, 
Mortimer, but I fear it would be in vain well, we might 
try. Go to him, Mortimer, go to him, and take him [pauses 
to think what MORTIMER can take, and feels snuff-box in 
pocket, takes it out and handles it lovingly ] take him this 
snuff-box. [Gives MORTIMER the box. Hardly has it left 
his hands, however, when he reaches out for it again.] That 
is, you might take him the box, but, perhaps, you d better 
not take him the snuff. [MORTIMER gives BEAU the box, 
BEAU picks up a paper lying on the table, saying:] Bills, 
bills. [Makes the paper into a cornucopia, empties the snuff 
from the box into it, then taps box on the table, loosens any 
remaining particles of snuff with his finger, then looks at 
table and scrapes any snuff remaining there into the cornu 
copia, then hands box to MORTIMER.] Give it to him with 
your own hands, say Mr. Brummel presents his compli 
ments. And if that fails, like everything else why then 

MORTIMER. 
And what then, sir? 

[132] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Then, [taking snuff elegantly jrom cornucopia] then, 
Mortimer, I can starve. And I promise you I shall do it 
in the most elegant manner. And you you, Mortimer, 
must return to that Japanese girl; what s her name? 

MORTIMER. 
[Tearfully.] Kathleen, sir. 

BEAU. 
Yes. Kathleen. 

[Knock at door. MORTIMER opens it. Starts back 
astounded.] 

MORTIMER. 
Mr. Vincent, sir. 

[VINCENT enters puffing from the climb upstairs.] 

BEAU. 

[Is astonished and annoyed, puts the cornucopia oj snuff 
hastily into his pocket, draws his dressing gown around 
him]. Mr. Vincent! My dear sir! Why, how did you 
find your way here? You should have been shown into 
the reception room, or my drawing-room, or my library; 
you find me in my morning gown, in my morning room. 
I make a thousand apologies. 

VINCENT. 

Don t, don t; I was passing through Calais and I just 
happened in. Phew, you re pretty high up here. 

BEAU. 

Yes ; the air is so very much purer. Will you be seated 
Mr. - It is still Mr. Vincent, is it not? [To himself.] 
He must not know my want, my poverty; I could not 
suffer this man s pity or compassion. 

VINCENT. 

[Sits at left of table.] Before I forget it, let me ask you 
to do me the honor of dining with me to-day. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[With an involuntary drawing in of the breath.] Dine! 
At what hour? 

VINCENT. 
I always dine at five o clock. 

BEAU. 

Thank you; but I fear you will have to excuse me. I 
could not possibly dine at such an hour. 

[Turns from table and goes up toward window.] 

VINCENT. 

[Aside.] Not changed much in spirit, but in everything 
else [Aloud.] Well, Mr. Brummel, you must lead a 
dull life of it here in Calais. 

BEAU. 

[Still at window and jauntily.] You forget, Mr. Vincent, 
that by living in Calais I do what all the young bucks do 
I pass all my time between London and Paris. 

VINCENT . 

Witty as ever, Mr. Brummel. The sea air does not 
dampen your spirits. 

BEAU. 

No; and I use none other. That is the reason I have 
nothing to offer you. Had I known of your coming I 
should have been better prepared to receive you. 

[Comes down and sits at right of table.] 

VINCENT. 

[Looking around the room.] You must be hard pressed 
for money, if you don t mind my saying so. 

BEAU. 

[Very hastily and airily, and rising.] Oh, no! You 
have quite a mistaken notion of my affairs, because you 
miss certain useless articles given away as pledges 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

[Swallows a word] ahem of gratitude for favors shown 
me. I always pay a debt, Mr. Vincent, when it s a social 
one. 

VINCENT. 

But those other debts which rumor says are over 
whelming you again. Now if you d let me pay them 

BEAU. 

[Sits at right of table. In a very cold tone.} Thank you, 
thank you. No doubt you intend to be kind, but you are 
impertinent. [VINCENT turns away rebuffed and disap 
pointed. BEAU to himself:} No, I will not be so humiliated 
by her father. I would rather tell a little lie instead. [ To 
VINCENT.] I assure you, since the renewal of my friend 
ship with the Prince, now His Majesty! 

[Makes a slight bow at " His Majesty "} 

VINCENT. 
[Coming down, delighted.] Friendship with His Majesty ! 

BEAU. 

What ! Has not rumor told you that, too ? She s a sorry 
jade, and sees only the gloomy side of things. Then, I 
suppose you have not heard that the King has pensioned 
me ! [Takes handkerchief from pocket; it is full of holes.} 

VINCENT. 

But 

BEAU. 

I see you still have that very unfortunate habit of "but 
ting." Why how, how, without a pension could I keep up 
this establishment ? [Holding up the tattered handkerchief 
in his trembling hand, he says, aside:] If he can tell me 
that he will help me more than he knows. 

VINCENT. 

All the more reason, then, why you should return to 
London and marry my daughter. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Are you still obstinate on that point ? Do you still 
refuse her to Reginald ? [Knock is heard at door.] 

VINCENT. 
There is Mariana. I told her to join me here. 

BEAU. 

[Rises in consternation, draws his dressing gown around 
him, looks down at it.] Mariana Miss Vincent, coming 
here. Mr. Vincent, one moment, one moment, Mr. 
Vincent, one moment. 

[Goes hastily to door at right, bows to VINCENT 
and exits. MARIANA enters from hall door 
at left.] 

MARIANA. 
Is he here ? Have you succeeded ? 

VINCENT. 

My child, we have heard false reports in town. He has 
a pension from His Majesty. He is friends with the King. 
Dear me ! I hope I haven t offended him. 

MARIANA. 

A pension, papa! [And then as she looks around the 
dingy room.] Are you quite sure he s not deceiving you? 

VINCENT. 
Quite sure, he could not deceive me. 

MARIANA. 

Then, father, there is no further need for me to make 
the sacrifice you demanded, and which Mr. Brummcl s 
need did justify. 

VINCENT. 
By no means. I am all the more determined on it. 

MARIANA. 
I also am determined now, and say I will not marry him. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

VINCENT. 

Tut, tut ! Hush, he s coming he s somewhat changed. 

[BEAU enters. He has put on his coat a 

shabby, full-skirled brown coat. Has dingy 

black neckerchief on. Bows very low to 

MARIANA.] 

BEAU. 

Good morning, my dear Miss Vincent. I trust the stairs 
have not fatigued you ; you should feel at home, so high 
up among the angels. 

MARIANA. 

[Shows she is much affected by BEAU S changed ap 
pearance.} I am most pleased, sir, that we find you happy 
with the world and with yourself. We had feared other 
wise. 

BEAU. 

I lead a charmed life ; even now, you see, it brings you 
to me. 

MARIANA. 
And has it brought your nephew, too, sir ? 

BEAU. 



BEA 

That may be your privilege. 

T* IT 



MARIANA. 
I trust it may be, or else that you will bring him back 
to me. 

[As she says this she turns away and goes up 
toward the window with VINCENT, who 
shows he is not pleased at this speech. At 
this moment REGINALD rushes in, throwing 
hat on table as he goes by, and rushing up 
to BEAU, holds out his hand eagerly.] 

REGINALD. 
Uncle! 

[127] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[With great affection.] Reginald! [Then recollecting 
himself.] No, Reginald, a glance of the eye. Reginald, 
my boy, you here, too ! 

REGINALD. 
I heard yesterday of your distresses 

BEAU. 

[Hastily interrupting him.] Do you not see Miss Vincent 
and her father? [REGINALD turns , sees MARIANA and 
crosses to window to her, where they stand eagerly talking. 
VINCENT goes toward hall door, evidently very anxious to 
get MARIANA away.] I might have accepted it from him, 
but he has come too late. This Vincent shall not know 
the truth. But Reginald shall have Mariana and Vincent 
shall give her to him. 

VINCENT. 

I think, my dear, you had better go and wait down 
stairs for me. 

BEAU. 

No, no, let Miss Vincent remain ; my nephew will enter 
tain her, [REGINALD and MARIANA at this begin talking 
more confidentially] and I wish to consult you privately 
in my room for a few moments. 

VINCENT. 

Now, my dear Mr. Brummel, I must insist on Mariana s 
retiring. 

BEAU. 

And I must insist that Miss Vincent remain. I see 
your manners have not improved. I will not detain you a 
moment. I wish to ask your advice. I hear an earldom is 
soon likely to become vacant. Now, who s eligible ? 

VINCENT. 
An earldom ! 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

You know more about matters in town than I, and I 
wish to be prepared in case my influence should be needed. 
Now what name would you suggest ? 

VINCENT. 
[Gasping.] You honor me, Mr. Brummel. 

BEAU. 

Very likely, but I wish you wouldn t gasp so. Indeed, 
I do honor you in asking you for your daughter s hand 

[REGINALD and MARIANA start and look 
around.] 

VINCENT. 
[Bows very low.] Mr. Brummel ! 

BEAU. 

For my nephew ! 

[REGINALD and MARIANA turn again toward 
window relieved.] 

VINCENT. 

My dear Mr. Brummel, you know I am opposed to that, 
and I hope to persuade you 

BEAU. 

[Significantly.] Who is eligible for the earldom 
exactly and I think mind, I say, I think we both have 
the same person in mind. But, first, I must persuade you 
who is eligible for your daughter. 

[He bows to VINCENT and motions him to door 
at right.] 

VINCENT. 

[Speaking as he goes.] Gad ! Zounds ! An earldom ! If 
this should be my opportunity at last. Mariana shall 
marry the boy if he wants it. [Exits.] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[Turns to speak to MARIANA and REGINALD and finds 
them so absorbed in each other they do not even see him. He 
attracts their attention by knocking a chair on the floor. 
They start guiltily apart.] My dears, I am about to draw 
up the marriage settlement, and, perhaps, I ll make my 
will at the same time and leave you everything. [They 
both bow.} I will now allow you to settle the preliminaries 
by yourselves. 

[They immediately retire again to the window 
and are once more absorbed in each other. 
BEAU stands watching them for a jew 
minutes, then turns away, puts hand over his 
eyes and totters off.] 

MARIANA. 

[Coming down lejt oj table.] But I don t understand, do 
you? 

REGINALD. 

[Coming down to her side.] I don t desire to. I take the 
fact as it is. [Kisses her.} 

MARIANA. 

I think you take much else besides, sir. Aren t you a 
trifle precipitate? 

REGINALD. 

No, this is the first preliminary. [Puts arm around her 
waist.} I think I shall linger over the preliminaries. 

MARIANA. 
But has my father relented ? 

REGINALD. 
Surely ! Or why did you come here ? 

MARIANA. 

We heard Mr. Brummel was in great distress and 
we came to help him, but we found the rumors were false; 
his friendship with the King has been renewed. 




" II V found the rumors were false; his friendship with 
the King has been renewed." 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 
Thank Heaven ! Then his troubles are at an end. 

MARIANA. 

My father still clung to the idea of our marriage. 
REGINALD. 

And you? 

MARIANA. 

That question is superfluous, sir. Have I not allowed 
the first preliminaries to be settled. 

[BEAU and VINCENT enter VINCENT a little 
ahead of BEAU. Also MORTIMER comes on 
dejectedly from hall door.] 

BEAU. 

Reginald, give me your hand. [REGINALD crosses to him.] 

VINCENT. 

[Who has crossed over to left of table.] Mariana, come to 
your father. Are you still bent on marrying him? 

MARIANA. 

You mean, papa, that he is still bent on marrying me, 
and that I I am not unwilling. 

VINCENT. 
She is yours, sir. 

REGINALD. 
[Coming back to MARIANA.] Mine! 

M o RT i ME R . 

[Goes up to BEAU at right of table and hands him snuff 
box.] It was returned without a word, sir 

BEAU. 
[In a loud tone.] Beg Her Grace to excuse me this after- 

noon MORTIMER. 

Yes, sir. REGINALD. 

You will dine with us, Uncle Beau, on board the vessel ? 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Thank you, but I fear you will have to excuse me, and 
now pardon me if I ask you to retire. I happen to have a 
very pressing engagement. 

MARIANA. 
When will you be in London, sir. You will be there for 

our wedding? 

BEAU. 

I hope so and you must accept some little present, 
some little trifle, some little token of my affection and 
regard some some remembrance. Now what shall it 
be ? Eh ? What shall we say ? [They all look around the 
room, which is, of course, bare of all ornament.] What do 
you really think you would like best hum? [Absently 
fingers the snufj-box which MORTIMER brought him.] Ah, 
yes, this snuff-box it has just been sent to me by His 

J " [Hands MARIANA snuff-box, which she takes 
with deep curtsy and goes back to REGINALD, 
showing it to him.] 

VINCENT. 
[At door as he goes out.] I shall probably hear from you, 

Mr. Brummel? 

BEAU. 

[Absently.] Ah, yes, perhaps good -by. Reginald, 
[REGINALD comes to him, BEAU places his hand on REGI 
NALD S shoulder] God bless you 

[REGINALD picks up hat from table and crosses 
to door. MARIANA comes down, gives hand 
to BEAU, curtsies, BEAU raises hand to his 
lips. MARIANA draws it away, backs toward 
door, makes another curtsy, turns to REGI 
NALD and they go off gaily, apparently talking 
to each other. BEAU puts hand over eyes, stag 
gers back and leans against table for support.] 

CURTAIN FALLS ON THIS. 

[132] 



THE FOURTH ACT 

SCENE TWO 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

THE FOURTH ACT 

SCENE TWO 

An attic room. Sloping roof. Walls discolored with the 
damp. Paper peeling off. Window at the back. A bare 
deal table over near the left with one chair at its side. 
Another chair stands down near the front at the right- 
hand side. Another chair stands at the back near win 
dow. There is a door at the right and also at the left. 
[BEAU enters at the right hand door. You can 
hear him for some time before he enters 
stumbling up the stairs as though feeble. 
He stands for a moment at the door, bowing 
very low. He is very shabbily dressed his 
hat battered his boots gray.] 

BEAU. 

I thought I saw the Prince there, [pointing to chair] 
there! The boys mocked me in the streets they threw 
stones at me. No wonder ; there has been no varnish on my 
boots for days. They refused to give me a cup of coffee 
or a macaroon. They would rather see me starve and 
starve so in rags. [Sits in chair.] 

MORTIMER. 
[Enters from door at left.] Shall I announce dinner, sir? 

BEAU. 

[Starting.] No, Mortimer, I have only just come in, and 
you forget this is Thursday, when I always entertain. 

[Sinks into a reverie.] 
MORTIMER. 

Poor Mr. Brummel! He s getting worse and worse. 
Lack of food is turning his head instead of his stomach. 
But I don t dare oppose him when he s this way. 

BEAU. 
Mortimer ! 

[135] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 

I could get nothing for us to eat, Mortimer, nothing 
and they refused to wash my cravats ! 

MORTIMER. 

Oh, Mr. Brummel, sir, what shall we do ? We will 
starve, sir. 

BEAU. 

[Severely.] Mortimer, you forget yourself! Who has 
called during my absence? 

MORTIMER. 

[Goes up to the window ledge and brings down an old 
broken plate with a jew dirty cards.} These cards won t 
last much longer. I have been bringing him the same ones 
on Thursday for the last year. [BEAU has fallen asleep.] 
Mr. Brummel, sir! Mr. Brummel, sir! 

[He puts plate directly in front of BEAU.] 

BEAU. 
[BEAU starts looks at plate.] The the card tray. 

MORTIMER. 
We ve lent it, sir! 

[He pushes cards forward with his thumb and 
finger as BEAU takes them one by one and 
lays them back on plate. ] 

BEAU. 

Duchess of Leamington thank goodness, I was out. 
Lord Manly do we owe him anything ? 

MORTIMER. 

No, sir. 

BEAU. 

Why not? Mrs. St. Aubyn and I missed her no 
matter. They will all dine here this evening. 

[136] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 

[Taking plate back to ledge.] Dine that s the way we 
eat the names of things but it is very weakening very 
weakening. 

BEAU. 

Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 

Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 

Light the candelabra. [Begins to sing very low in a 
quavering voice:} "She Wore a Wreath of Roses." 

MORTIMER. 

Yes, sir. [He goes to window ledge and brings down to 
table two pewter candlesticks with a little piece of a candle 
in each one. He lights both and then with a quick look at 
BEAU blows out one.} He ll never know, and if it burns 
there will be none to light the next time. 

BEAU. 
Mortimer i 

M ORT I MER. 

Yes, sir. 

B EAU. 

Is my hat on? 

MORTIMER. 
[Choking back a sob} Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 

[Lifts hat with elegant gesture, his hand drops and hat 
falls to the floor, rises.] Mortimer, I hear carriage wheels- 
carriage wheels! Observe me, Mortimer, am I quite 
correct ? Are there creases in my cravat ! I would not 
wish to make creases the fashion. 

MORTIMER. 
Mr. Brummel, sir, you are quite correct. 

[137] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

To your post. Bid the musicians play. [Bows as though 
welcoming guest.} Ah, Duchess, you are always welcome! 
And in pink ! You come like the rosy morning sunshine into 
the darkness of my poor lodgings. Lord Manly ! And sober 
-truth is stranger than fiction. The Duchess s smiles should 
have intoxicated you. Mrs. St. Aubyn Your Majesty! 
[Bows very low.] Pray, sir, honor my poor arm. Permit 
me to conduct Your Majesty to a chair whilst I receive my 
less distinguished guests. [Walks to chair with imaginary 
guest on his arm.} My dear Lady Farthingale, how do you 
do ? As beautiful and as charming as ever. [Backs up a little 
and kicks a chair over} I beg ten thousand pardons ! My 
dear Lady Cecilie, how you have grown and how beautiful 
[With vacant stare} Shall we dine? Dine! Shall we dine? 
Permit me to escort Your Majesty to the table where we 
dine ! [Goes to chair and escorts the imaginary king to the 
table} Yours ^ is the honor and mine, Lady Cecilie, my 
charming vis-a-vis. Mariana Mariana always nearest 
my heart always. Mortimer Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 

[Who has been leaning against the wall with head on 
arm.] Yes, sir. 

BEAU 

His Majesty waits ! [Bows to right and left.] Enchanted ! 
Enchanted ! [Waits until, apparently, they are all seated 
and then sits} I trust you will find these oysters agreeable ; 
they arrived but this morning from Ostend. Bird s-nest 
soup. It is very hot. I am very particular to have the 
soup hot on these cold evenings. This is very good melon. 

MORTIMER. 
[Who has been pretending to pass things} Melon, sir. 

BEAU. 
Duchess, I trust you are fond of ortolans stuffed with 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

truffles. Brown and glazed. My chef my chef- 
[Voice dies away.] 

MORTIMER. 

His chef! If only we had something to cook, I should 
not mind the chef. [Sinks in chair.] 

BEAU. 

Mariana, let me fill your glass and drink with me. My 
dear. My own always. My only dear one. 

[Head sinks on chest, he jails asleep.] 

KATHLEEN. 
[After a pause KATHLEEN puts her head in the 

door and says very softly:] 
And may I come in ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Rising in bewilderment.} Kathleen! And has it gone to 

my head, too? 

KATHLEEN. 

[Half crying.] No, but to my heart! or to yours for 
they ve gotten that mixed I don t know which is which. 

[They embrace.} 

MORTIMER. 
[In alarm, jearing BEAU may wake.] Hush! 

KATHLEEN. 

Miss Mariana that was, Mrs. Reginald Courtenay that 
is, is out in the hall and him with her. 

[MARIANA and REGINALD come ^n at door.\ 

MARIANA. 

[Gives a low, horrified exclamation at BEAU S 
changed appearance.] 

MORTIMER. 

Yes, madam, but I fear the sudden surprise of seeing 
you will kill him. 

[139! 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 

But the King is in town with his suite. We came with 
him, and they followed us here immediately. 

MORTIMER. 
The King! 

MARIANA. 

Yes, Mortimer; your master s and your troubles are 
over. 

[MARIANA and REGINALD cross to other side of 
table, away from door.] 

KATHLEEN. 

[Aside to MORTIMER, as she goes up to window.] I am 
not so sure but yours are just beginning. 

KING. 

[Appearing at door.] Zounds is this 

MORTIMER. 
[Bowing very low.] Your Majesty, I beg your pardon, 

but sh sh 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 
[At door.] Dear me, you don t 

KING. 
[Turning to her.] Sh sh 

DUCHESS. 

But how 

KING. 
[KING goes through same pantomime, turning, 

putting finger on lip and saying :] 
Sh! 

LADY FARTHINGALE. 
Where is Mr. Brummel? 

KING. 

[As before.] Sh! Sh! 

[140] 





Your master s and your troubles are over. 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

LORD MANLY. 

Well 

KING. 

[As before.] Sh! Sh! 

MORTIMER. 

If Your Majesty will pardon me, I think I could suggest 
something. Mr. Brummel has just been imagining you 
were all dining with him. I think if you were to take 
your places at the table, when he saw you the truth woi 
gradually come to him. 

[They all sit. KING at left, MRS. ST. AUBYN 
" next, then the DUCHESS. MARIANA and 
REGINALD are at the right.} 

MORTIMER. 
Mr. Brummel! [Louder, as BEAU does not move.] Mr. 

Brummel, sir! 

BEAU. 

Duchess, let me send you this saddle of venison ; it s 
delicious. [Wakes,looks around, sees MARIANA.] Mariana! 
Mariana! Reginald! [They come to his side.] Pardon me- 
for not rising; I think I must have forgotten my manners. 
You won t leave me Mariana? You won t leave ae, 

will you, will you? 

MARIANA. 

No, Mr. Brummel. 

BEAU. 
[Sees MRS. ST. AUBYN.] Mrs. St. Aubyn, you-yoi 

forgive ? 

MRS. ST. AUBYN. 

[Very gently.] And forget, Mr. Brummel. 

BEAU. 
[Sees the KING.] Your Majesty! Mortimer! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir. 

[HI] 



BEAU BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Is this real is it is it ? 

KING. 

Yes, Beau, you ve hidden from all of us long enough- 
but now we ve found you we don t mean to lose you. W< 
sup with you to-night; to-morrow you dine in Londoi 
with us. 

BEAU. 

Dine ! [Drawing in his breath appreciatively.] Dine 

[Then remembering.] At what hour ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Bowing and whispering to the KING.] At eight, Youi 
Majesty, at eight ! 

KING. 
[With a nod of understanding.] At eight o clock. 

BEAU, 
Mortimer, have I any other engagement? 

MORTIMER. 
[With fear and trembling.] No oh, no, sir! 

BEAU. 
I shall have much pleasure. Mortimer! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 
Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes, sir. 

BEAU. 

Should anybody call, say I have a very pressing engage 
ment with with His Majesty. 

[His head jails, he sinks into chair, supported 
by MARIANA and REGINALD. All rise.] 

THE END 

[142] 



UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 




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