2
(To be used only on The Foolish Almanack 2nd
GOOD TILL"DOOMSDAY
With the Compliments of the Se
VT
SIGNS OF THE ZODIAC UP-TO-DATE
...THE...
FOOLISH ALMANAK
For Anuthur Year
THE FURST CINC THE INTRODUKSHTJN OV THE
MUK-RAKE IN MAGAZEEN GARDNING, AND
THE SPELING REFORM OV OWR LANGWIJ
BY THEODOR ROSYFELT
THAIR hav bin uthur Yearz but non like this.
Thingz wil Hapn.
3 1 3 Dayz wil kum and 3 1 3 Dayz wil go and thair wil
be 52 Sundayz evn in the best regulayted Familiz. Thair
wil be at leest wun 23 for yu in eech munth.
LIFE WITHOUT IT WIL BE UN-SEAZOND
By kind Purmishun ov the Jawn D. Rawkyfelurs the
Sun and Moon wil be purmitted 2 Arize and
Shine. The Shuberts wil regulayte the
Starz, and the Planits wil du
the best they kan.
Hetty Green and J. Peerpont Morgun have garanteed the
Wethur.
WITH APOLOGIZ TO THE KARNAGY SPELING SKOOL
PTJRPETRAYTED, WITH THE AID OV WALLACE GOLDSMITH'S
PICTURZ, BY
JOHN W. LUCE AND COMPANY
BOSTON 1906 LONDON
2 2» ZZ / &
Copyright, 1906, by
JOHN W. LUCE & COMPANY
Boston, Mass., V. S. A.
The Plimpton Press Norwood Mass. U.S.A.
STACK
ANNEX
Stack Annex
Time was, is, and will be. Alma-
nacks have come and Almanacks
have gone. But Time has sur-
vived. Only the Foolish Alma-
nack has been equal to the pleasant
Task of Killing it
We offer the Book as our Defense.
THE PUBLISHERS.
HELPFUL HINT FOR JANUARY:
DO not give way to vain regrets be-
cause you did not keep the good
resolves you made a year ago. It
might be worse. You might have kept the
resolutions and have had no incentive for
leading a better life this year.
ECLIPSES FOR THE COMING
YEAR
If there are as many Eclipses as during
1905-6, it will be a hard year on grafters
and bosses. The editor is optimistic, how-
ever, believing that the sanitary revolution
which swept the country has about blown
over. Public confidence and laxity have
been restored in a large measure and the
time is now about ripe for us to get it in the
neck again.
DRESS
HINT:
The first
costume on
record was
a hand-me-
down from
the fig tree.
AN ICE
AGE:
Now is the
time to cut
ice. "Doc."
Osier won't
like it if you
wait until
after you are
40.
MONDAY | Do not swear off anything. Wait 'till
tax time.
TUESDAY I (1781) Baron Munchausen published
his memoirs.
(1901) Andrew Carnegie started writ-
ing his autobiography.
I WEDNESDAY f
FRIDAY
Erroneously spelled Thursday. It should
be spelled T-h-J-r-s-t-d-a-y (consult any of
the reformed who have been clinging to
the water wagon since Tuesday.)
(1906) There was no genius bom in
Indiana this day.
JANUARY
Reciprocity is the mother
of contention.
UP IN MAINE
A THIRSTY, young sport, up in Me.
Pretended to suffer great Pe.
But when he'd imbibed
What the druggist prescribed,
He said he felt better Age.
Note: We demanded a diagram for the
above and the author reluctantly provided it.
He thinks that any one should know that
Me. is the abbreviation for Maine and that
to make the 2d and last lines rhyme you
will readily read Pe. as abbreviation for
pain and Age, as abbreviation for again.
We feel much better now and we hope
you do, dear reader. — The Editor.
Health
Hint:
Those who
are always
having the
hives should
go into the
bee business.
Household
Advice:
To keep the
kitchen fire
hot, keep it
coaled.
SUNDAY
Adam and Eve began housekeeping, and
having neither prying neighbors nor trouble-
some servants they named their bungalow
" Paradise."
WEDNESDAY
A four-flush only wins political pots.
— Poker Proverbs.
THURSDAY
Rosa Bonheur bom. Rosa painted ani-
mals and all of her competitors at the art
shows said her work was " beastly."
JANUARY
There are as good fish in
the sea as there are in the
fish carts.
FORECAST FOR JANUARY
FROM January 1st until the 7th, and
possibly in some cases until the 9th or
10th, it will be very DRY. This
drouth will be followed by a long wet spell.
The Zodiacal sharp who runs things during
January is Aquarius, which being translated
means "water-wagon." The only folks
who never heard of Aquarius live in the
corn-belt of Kentucky.
From January 10th to the 15th, the
weather will devote its time to making up
its mind what it is going to do. From the
15th to the 20th it will do it.
Dark clouds of remorse and despondency
will reign during the last week in January,
but by February 1 st you will have become
accustomed and resigned to your old habits.
January will also be marked by "white
goods sales," and (if it's windy in the shop-
ping district) skirt sails.
Gardening
Hint:
You cannot
raise bread
fruit from
cauliflour.
Health
Hint:
If your
blood is bad
blame it on
your
ancestors.
SUNDAY
[WEDNESDAY!
(1905) It was decided to build a sea-
level-lock canal in Panama.
(2001) It was decided to build a lock-
sea-level canal instead.
(3000 A.D.) At a quiet meeting,
Daughters of the Revolution elected their
officers unanimously.
[THURSDAY Wear Blinders! To gaze at anything
with the naked eye is immodest.
— Anthony Comstock.
SATURDAY
JANUARY
Open confession may be
good for the soul, but it's bad
for the reputation.
SEVEN WONDERS OF THE
WORLD
WHY a pretty ankle makes a "rub-
ber-neck."
Why a Kentucky "Colonel" is a
"good Judge."
Why chorus girls and lobsters always go
together.
Why a Glass-widow objects to a raking
over.
Why real pains from little champagnes
grow.
Why there is no "Midway" on the
straight and narrow path.
How a man can be "half-seas-over" on
land.
TALE OF A TANK
High-ball
Sad fall.
Big head
'Nuffsaid.
Muck-rakes
will not be
popular with
trusts or
officialdom,
but much
sought after
vy
uterateurs.
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
(1906) Great excitement in County
Cork. Handy Skinegie bit off a piece of
the Blarney stone before delivering his
address on " How I hate to be rich."
(1925) Atlas seeks to retire from sup-
porting the world. American-Journal-Ex-
aminer put at his service.
(1906) T. Roosevelt began publishing a
series of short stories in the Congressional
Record.
JANUARY
A punch in the bowl is
worth two in the face.
FOR THE HOME COMING
BEFORE meeting his wife and family
at the station a wise man will put
his house in order for the home
coming.
A pleasant way of doing this is to give a
house-cleaning party. Divide your party
into the Sweepers, the Dusters, the Scrub-
bers, and the Dish Washers, giving each
group proper utensils and offering a prize for
the best results.
<^>
Let the party begin at midnight, after a
pleasant dinner, and at about 2 in the morn-
ing the police will probably come in and
finish cleaning the place up.
Dairy Hint:
Most dairy-
men find a
separator
useful, but it
is not abso-
lutely
necessary.
To separate
milk most
effectively,
keep away
from the
pump.
SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
Wm. Tell born. Some persons do not
believe the Wm. Tell story. What Tell do
they believe?
Publicity brings its own reward.
— Winston Churchill et al.
Robinson Crusoe born. Crusoe was the
first victim to get a long term on the Island.
JANUARY
A man's a man for a' that-
there is in it.
HELPFUL HINT FOR
FEBRUARY
IT wasn't because George Washington cut
down the cherry tree that he was made
President. And very few men get into
office simply for telling the truth. We
hardly know how to advise you on this
point. Why do you wish to enter politics ?
To FIND OUT IF MONEY Is
TAINTED
If silver or gold, bite it.
If bills, wash with soap and water.
If a cheque, call up the bank.
Society
Hint:
A little
gossip goes
a long way.
How to
Be Happy:
Quit living.
[MONDAY | die°874) .
(1 906) Buttin twins, Lawson and Roose-
velt, perfectly healthy.
[TUESDAY"
(1781) "Battle of Cowpens." British
WEDNESDAY! defeated by Morgan.
(1906) Second "Battle of Cowpens."
Packers defeated by O'Neil and Reynolds.
I THURSDAY!"
FRIDAY I About this time expect some weather.
FEBRUARY
There's many a damn
'Twixt the door and the jamb.
How TO SKATE
FEBRUARY is perhaps as good a
month as any other to leam to
skate.
The simplest, and most approved method,
is as follows:
One high-ball, another high-ball, 1 more
high-ball, simply a high-ball, just one more
high-ball, ditto, the same, and lastly, a high-
ball. (Note — After the glass is full say,
" Not another drop.")
You will be surprised at the ease with
which you can skate.
" Spreading the Eagle " is a very pretty
and artistic skating figure. It is done by
trying to get from one side of the street to
the other all in the same night.
"Looping the lamp-post" is also quite an
achievement in skating. It doesn't make
any difference which of the two lamp-posts
you loop — take your choice. It is difficult
to give directions how to do this. The feat
has to be seen to be learned. There is a
simpler way of doing it, however, and that
is — stand perfectly still while the lamp-post
passes around you.
Two persons skating together for mutual
assistance are known as "a pair of skates."
An expert skater can skate just as well in
July as in February.
Nocturne:
Bright
Light
Night
Miss
Kiss
Bliss.
Pa
Bar
Scar.
MONDAY I Cherry trees and hatchets have been
I IwJiL/rM I I * tii . • ft |
supplanted by big sticks as decorations at
the White House.
WEDNESDAY I " Cut it out " — Sureeon's Motto.
THURSDAY I George Washington born. Neighbors
took in their cherry trees.
FEBRUARY
When Duty calls, send her
around to the back door.
How TO COMPOSE A SHORT
STORY
" A MBITIOUS" asks the compiler of
/-\ this Almanack to tell her the easiest
way to compose a short story.
This depends somewhat on the short
story, but a few general observations may be
of interest. Some short stories are more
excited than others.
Lead the short story to a quiet place and
soothe it by praise delivered in a gentle,
monotonous, but authoritative tone of voice.
Be careful not to criticize, as that will make
it more and more nervous. When the short
story shows signs of yielding to this influence,
smooth it gently with one hand and pat it
on the back with the other. When quite
composed, withdraw quietly, still speaking
in a low tone.
A short story by Mary Wilkins can be
composed more quickly than a short story
by Kipling. In the latter case it may be
necessary to gently persuade the short story
to take an opiate.
Health
Hint:
All that
blisters is not
good for a
cold.
Lucky
Advice:
It is unlucky
to fall down
1 3 flights of
stairs.
was getting something
for nothing. I foresee much trouble from
this tendency." — Adam's Journal.
(1906) A bright day. W. J. Bryan
congratulates the Sun.
PR J DAY I (2300 B.C.) Confusion invented by
Confucius.
FEBRUARY
A woman's college is a
dangerous thing.
HELPFUL HINT FOR MARCH
NOW is a good time to think
about having your last summer's
suit and hat cleaned and fixed
up to last another season. You can
stand at the window and look out at
the snow, and think about this to
your heart's content. This probably
will warm you to such an extent that
you will save a bit on your coal bill.
How TO HANDLE A MUCK-
RAKE
The owner of a muck-rake should
first get a magazine to keep it in.
This practice originated with Laws
Tomson, the celebrated Norse Ber-
serker.
Select your muck and rake it dili-
gently until you find a large, fat
check; then leave that pile and begin
on another.
WEATHER HINT — It's a nU wind
that doesn't blow.
A Bad
Signj
"All Drinks
Spot Cash."
ALL WW
SUNDAY
MONDAY
About now young boys forget skating
and begin to think about marbles. "Old
Boys" are still skating and they are not
particular whether the pastime is associated
with marble or mahogany.
PRESS. AGENT — One who presages
or foretells. See LYRE.
( 1 868) Barnum's Museum in New York
SATURDAY | destroyed by fire. Parkhurst, Carrie Nation,
Dowie, and Anthony Comstock saved.
MARCH
It is said that nothing is
impossible ; but there are lots
of people doing nothing every
day.
ODD FACTS
Eve did not use face powder.
<*>
Methuselah developed peculiarities as he
grew old. It is said that he never paid a
telephone or gas bill.
GO
Samson had his whims. He never went
into vaudeville.
<b
Noah never cared to take the children to
see the animals at the circus.
Co
Goliath was another who thought he had
one good fight left in him.
<*>
Christopher Columbus did not go on the
lecture platform to tell of his travels.
<o
Napoleon always played solitaire before
going into a battle ; he couldn't run the deck
out, and it made him so angry he just had
to lick somebody.
GO
Euclid invented geometry rather than de-
sign dress patterns for his wife.
«=5
Socrates was henpecked, and was one of
the greatest philosophers in the world — but
the rule does not hold good any longer.
Weather
Signj
A spoony
pair under
an umbrella
is a sign of £
rain beau.
To Cure a
Morning
Headache:
Be a little
more
abstemious
the night
before.
SUNDAY
#^>
(1875) First train ran through the
Hoosac Tunnel. Hobson too young to be
present.
I WEDNESDAY | (1793) Washington D. C. named
honor of Washington deceased.
THURSDAY
SATURDAY
It was in this month that S. N. Akes left
Ireland. Located in Bellevue Hospital,
N.Y.
MARCH
When you see a man push-
ing a baby carriage, it is a
sign that he has trouble
before him.
SPRING, GENTLE SPRING
One life-size morning nearly six thousand
years ago Jubal sat outside of dear old
Eden, whanged his harp and warbled the
following:
" Gentle Spring has come at last,
So keep your furnace fires full blast!"
t Q,
It was thus that Spring was invented, also
the first Spring poet. But why Spring
should appeal to humanity as a season of
romance, no one who gives this problem
serious thought can imagine.
<h
It was in the Spring that poor old Adam
first had to work, and from that time on we
have had that tired feeling in the Spring.
(See footnote.)
63
It was also in the Spring that Eve
wearied of her fig-leaf toque. She stuck a
couple lyre bird tails in one side, three lotos
buds in the other, and that settled it. Ever
since man has had to hustle in the Spring to
get his wife a new hat. (See footnote.)
c*
It was in the Spring that Cain moved.
That became a habit with humanity and
knocked more romance out of Spring.
<*>
FOOTNOTE— Also Summer, Autumn,
and Winter.
Cheese
Hint:
Keep
Limburger
cheese
closely con-
fined under
glass until
it ceases to
struggle.
To Cure
Home-
sickness:
Think how
you would
have to be
mowing the
lawn or
tending the
furnace if
you were
there.
A stuffed stork is the best stork.
— Mrs. Grundy.
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Do not pay any bills to-day. Your
creditors may die during the night.
If there is ice on the ground do not try to
go barefoot.
MARCH
The text which bids a man
love his neighbor as himself
makes no mention of said
neighbor's wife.
GEOGRAPHICAL NOTES
rT"'HE principal river of Egypt is
1 the Nile. Its smaller tributaries
are the juveniles.
The capital of Ireland seems des-
tined to have the largest population of
any city in the world. It's D'ublin,
every year.
The United States are best for
married people.
Americans are noted for being
fond of jokes. Their country was
originally named for A-merry-cus.
(Vespucchi.)
When the flood subsided it is
probable that Noah and his family
landed in the vicinity of Little Rock,
for we are given to understand that
he came forth from the Ark-an'-saw
land.
Those who say that constancy is
not a feminine quality should note
how long Mrs. Sippi and Miss Souri
have been running together without
separating.
THE MEAN THING \
Some mean old maid, without a doubt,
Who'd never tasted bliss,
Was first to start that lie about
The microbes in a kiss.
Wedding
Hint:
The minister
ties the knot;
time and
lawyers may
prove it^o
be a slip-
knot
Health
Hint:
To cure a
sluggish
disposition,
run up
against a
real prize
fighter.
MONDAVI (3544 B.C.). Public library opened at
Athens. No string.
TUESDAY | (1725) Order of the Bath reorganized
by George I. — Water, soap, towel.
| WEDNESDAY I (5381 B.C.) Birth of Ananias, first spe-
cial newspaper correspondent.
[THURSDAY! (1670) Bees brought from England to
Boston. Many politicians stung.
About this time there will be some more
weather.
MARCH
One touch of liver makes
the whole world ill.
A TAKE OFF'
CLING to your winter flannels
Till well along toward June,
For many a one is taken off
By taking them off too soon.
ADVERTISEMENTS
Academies, Colleges, Conservatories, Reform
Schools, Etc.
BE A STREET PAVER
THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS
are made yearly in the Pa vine)
Department of your home city
ARE YOU GETTING ANY OF IT??
We make you an experienced street paver
by mail without interrupting present occupa-
tion.
Lesson VI— "How to Graft under a Reform
Administration," alone worth entire cost of
course.
Begin now and be ready for your next
City Election.
UNITED STATES CORRESPONDENCE
COLLEGE OF MUNICIPAL
OPPORTUNITIES
P. O. Box 232323 Chelsea, Mass.
Antiquity of
Ready-to-
Wear
Clothing:
Eve's dress
was the first
truly "out-
of-sight"
costume,
"fig"-ura-
tively
speaking.
Poultry
Note:
Roosters are
rather hard
to manage,
but hens lay
wherever
they are put.
SUNDAY
Was it not about April 1st that the
MONDAY | Laird of S1"bo declared he would give
away real money instead of libraries?
TUESDAY
[WEDNESDAY! Noah born. Noah first taught the race
how wise a thing it is to lay up something
for a rainy day. He laid up an ark.
iTHURSDAYf
FRIDAY I (64) Roman citizens conspire to fire
Nero.
SATURDAY! (64) Nero fires Rome.
APRIL
Umbrellas cover a multi-
tude of thieves.
HINTS TO AMATEUR
GARDENERS
IN the spring look after your potatoes care-
fully. Have their eyes examined by a
good oculist, and provide spectacles for
such as need them.
<*>
Never string your beans till they are old
enough to understand it. If you begin too
early, they are apt to lose their temper.
<*>
Don't attempt to graft your pie-plants.
Many have tried grafting a custard to a
mince, in the hope that the brandy in the
latter would assimilate with the custard and
make a Tom and Jerry, but it never works.
<^
Before planting your punkins, carefully
remove the punk.
QI
If you have any difficulty harvesting the
fruit of your boot-tree, use a boot-jack.
<^
Owing to the well-known fact that the
mongoose is the' deadly foe of snakes, it is
thought that the best way to exterminate
them from your garden is to cultivate the
mon-gooseberry. Try it.
e*>
The mint-julep does not belong to the
tulip family, although the latter has a strong
affinity for it.
Gardening
Note:
Instead of
buying
expensive
fertilizer for
the garden,
use some of
last year's
" popular "
magazines.
April
derived
from the
Latin
A p e r i o,
meaning
I open,
hence Eye-
opener, or
Easter
opening.
Andrew Carnegie was stung by the
kissing bug in Atlanta, Ga.
u/rn»iren«v • Great commotion in the monkey cage at
WfDNESDAYl Central Park. Brander Matthews and
Handy Skinegie overheard talking Espe-
All is not so that's said.
— White House Maxim.
When you see a girl in a
very chic gown you may be
sure her father had to shell
out.
AN APRIL PASTEL
THERE is no better spring month
in which to move than April.
Look among your papers and if
you don't find a rent receipt for
March you will know that it's your
move. Plant an elm tree on Arbor
day — it may grow up to be the tree
under which Gen. Washington stopped
to rest when he was pursuing the
British — who knows! The farmer
will do well to apply fertilizer to his
land this month. There is no better
fertilizer on the market than Limburger
cheese. It costs considerable, but a
little of it will inoculate a large area.
EXTRACT FROM AN OFFICE-
BOY'S DAIRY
8 a.m. Hired.
1 1 a.m. Tired.
1 2 m. Fired.
Spring
Hints:
A little
spring in a
bed is good.
A little
spring near
the house is
better.
A Me
spring in a
poem is the
limit.
The indictment is mightier than the
charity contribution. — Trust Proverbs.
(1716) Public bank founded in Massa-
chusetts. Geological deposits refused.
[THURSDAY! (1856) Condensed milk first made in
Connecticut. Price of milk-weed goes up.
FRIDAY I (1659) Cromwell resigned his protec-
torate.
(1905)Taftgotoff the "lid."
APRIL
Most things are good when
they're new. Men and vio-
lins don't get good till they're
old.
GARDEN AND FARMING
HINTS:
BLACK-EYED Susan, Sweet William,
and Johnny-Jump-Up will not grow in
a garden built for two. Either William
or John must be weeded out.
<o
Silk hose are preferable to rubber when
raising Ladies' Slippers.
«?
Trumpet vines grow fast on automobiles.
<b
Young ladies at summer resorts should
cultivate Bachelor's Buttons ; with care they
may be grafted into Bridal Roses.
<*>
Many an Ox-eyed Daisy proves a Snap-
dragon after picking.
<*>
Wild Oats sown in second childhood are
reaped by the next generation.
<0
Snowballs and highballs both fade away
in hot weather.
&D
It's a deep-rooted crop of weeds that the
muck rake won't loosen.
<*>
Very young men give their attention to
the cultivation of Widow's Weeds ; men of
an older growth prefer to watch the Tender
Buds bloom.
Rainy Day
Advice :
To pick out
your um-
brella from
among a
number of
better ones:
take the best
one — it's
yours.
SUNDAY
MONDAY
Harvard University founded — the oldest
institution of foot-ball and accidental learning
in America.
(1 895) Elbert Hubbard had his hair cut.
Wise Elbert Hubbard
Went to his cupboard
To get the poor world a thought,
But when he got there
The cupboard was bare
And so the poor world got naught.
APRIL
If you can fool half the
people all the time, that's
good enough; don't be a hog.
HELPFUL HINT FOR APRIL
HAVE you ever thought how
much money you waste in pay-
ing rent? Now that you are
about to sign a new lease, it is time
to ponder this subject. Say you pay
$50 a month rent. That is $600 a
year. Think! If you should pay rent
for two thousand years you would
waste as much money as Pierpont
Muchgain makes on a little deal in
railroads of a dull afternoon.
KEEPING LENT
Jones borrowed my umbrella.
I now know what he meant
When he said it was his custom
To religiously keep lent.
Health
Hint:
For that
tired feeling
take a good
doze of
sleep.
To Make
the World
Brighter:
Use hope
and soap.
SUNDAY
It's not the loss of life makes death bitter,
it's the obituaries. — D. Ceest.
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
(1901 -'02-03 ->04 -05 -06, etc.) A
large section of the coal miners of Pennsyl-
vania struck because the operators used non-
union-made tooth powder.
[SATURDAY! (1906) Kentucky went prohibition by
a tremendous minority.
APRIL
The wind may be tempered
to the shorn lamb, but the
wolf gets equal benefit, just
the same.
FORECAST FOR MAY
FROM the 1st to the 10th spring
house-cleaning will take place.
Look out for soft soap on the
stairs. Meals will be served to gen-
tlemen down town. There is no place
like home during spring house-cleaning
— this is why home is so generally
avoided during that period.
<*>
From the 10th to the 20th buds
will burst with deafening reports and
the grass will do some fancy shooting.
*>
From the latter date to the end of
the month people will discard their
woolens for pneumonia.
<^
The zodiacal sign for May is
Gemini, or twins. If you see a stork
skulking about your residence, shoot
it. May is an open month on storks.
Gardening
Note:
If you sow
wild oats
you are
likely to reap
a crop of
"tares."
To Break
a Will-
See a
lawyer.
To Break
a Bill —
See a
doctor.
To Break
a Till-
See a
burglar.
(1906) Congress decided, after a long
and heated discussion, that only filtered
water should be used in the Panama Canal.
(1906) Ruth St. Denis, bare of waist
and limbs, wins approval of Boston society
by outdoing Little Egypt.
I THURSDAY I ('906, next day) Pure-minded society
people of Boston refuse to admit Maxim
Gorky and his near-wife.
"You can fool all of the people some of
the time and some of the people all of the
time." — From the Diary of &ru Carnage.
MAY
Many of Cupid's matches
are scratched in the divorce
court.
HELPFUL HINT FOR MAY
THE careful wife and mother will
find a most excellent plan for
utilizing a spring bonnet of the
vintage of 1906 will be to tell her
husband that she will make it do
another season. Then manage to be
out in the rain with it on, and with no
umbrella. Further instruction is un-
necessary.
TIMELY HINTS
A great many cows come in fresh
in May. If you have a good calf,
wear open-work hose and don't be
ashamed to show it on a rainy day.
Plant beans, pumpkins, and squashes
about May 20th, but don't mix the
seed. This is also a good month to
set hens on door-knobs, and old ink-
bottles, thus playing a great joke on
the hens.
Street Car
Hint:
If a person
walks on
your right
foot kick a
person
with your
left.
LEGER-
DEMAIN
Note:
To make a
five-dollar
note look
like
30 cents,
blow it.
SUNDAY
MONDAY | (33 B.C.) Antony establishes a divorce
colony in Egypt.
TUESDAY! 0906) U. S. Senators played a farce
entitled "Who's a Liar," by Pitchrake
Tillman, to crowded houses.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
(996) Clocks, giving good time, invented
by Gebert, Benedictine monk.
(Same year) Benedictine, giving good
time, invented by same monks.
MAY
Where ignorance is bliss it
is blister to be wise.
How TO GET RICH
GETTING rich is a simple matter if
one goes about it right. If you will
deposit one penny in the bank on the
Society
Hint:
first day of the month and double each
Even if you
deposit each day thereafter, until the end of
the month (30 days), you will find yourself
can't get
into "Who's
rich beyond the dreams of avarice. Thus : —
who in
DAYS OF
America,"
DEPOSIT
MONTH
you can get
ni
into the
.Ul
.02
2
Telephone
.04
3
Book, and it
.08
4
costs lots
.16
.32
5
6
more.
.64
7
1.28
8
2.56
9
5.12
10
10.24
11
20.48
12
40.96
13
81.92
14
163.84
15
327.68
16
655.36
17
1,310.72
18,
2,621.44
19
5,242.88
20
10,485.76
21
20,971.52
22
41,943.04
23
83,886.08
24
167,772.16
25
335,544.32
2G
671,088.64
27
1,342,177.28
28
2,684,354.56
29
5,368,709.12
30
Total, $10,737,418.23
The reason more people do not succeed
in this Get-Rich-Quick scheme is that they
become discouraged when they get about
75 cents in bank and give it up.
(1867) Russia thought she was selling
United States a gold brick in Alaska.
(1894) Gold brick proved 24 carat;
Russia heartbroken.
( 1 796) Napoleon weds Josephine, hoping
his troubles will be little ones.
(1809) Napoleon divorces Josephine.
Great trouble being his troubles were not
THURSDAY little ones.
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
(1887) Congress passed the anti-polyg-
amy bill. Great anxiety at Newport.
MAY
Beauty may be only skin
deep, but the average ob-
server does not see below
the skin.
MATERIA MEDICA
When Willie was young he cried for
Mayoria.
When Willie grew older he sought
Govemoria.
When Willie woke up he'd lost his
donoria.
Now Willie is dead: they gave him
Castoria.
CAN YOU DRAW THIS?
IF SO, YOU CAN DRAW ANYTHING
MICHAEL ANGELO and C. D. GIBSON
make large sums of money drawing pictures
WHY NOT YOU?
We teach Drawing by mail and will make
you a Great Artist in six easy lessons
A Feat in
Contortion ;
To make
both ends
meet on $8
per week.
Farm Hint:
Make the
sled runners
of slippery
elm.
Imperial Correspondence Institute
of the Fine Arts
P. O. Box 232323
CHELSEA, MASS.
(1305) Dante's "Inferno" first noted
MONDAY| description of hell
(1906) Upton Sinclair's "Jungle" a
close second.
(1540) Gomera planned Panama Canal.
(1640) The Dutch took it up — then
laid it down.
(1879) DeLesseps tries it, but gets
| THURSDAY | snarled up in the Muck Rake.
(1906) Work progressing as rapidly as
hot air will allow.
MAY
There's many a slip 'twixt
the stock and the tip.
FORECAST FOR JUNE
FROM the 1 st to the last will be marked
by mosquito showers. From the I 1 th
to the 18th weddings will exceed
divorces, followed by thunder and lightning.
From June 18th to June 30th ice-cream
sodas will be in the ascendancy. On June
21st the sun reaches the most northerly
point in the Zodiac and enters the constella-
tion of Cancer. Cancer is the sign for June.
Cancer is an old sign and something that
ought to be cut out.
SIDELIGHTS ON SCIENCE
If all the oceans should evaporate they
would leave a deposit of 235 feet of salt.
This, it is estimated, would salt enough
pretzels to supply the world for several years.
^
It is claimed that if the power concealed
in the sting of a hornet could be harnessed
and utilized in commercial channels, it would
lower the cost of transportation by a good
many per cent.
&>
An interesting experiment for little boys
is to go into the dimly lit parlor where the
big sister and her young man are sitting.
Do not shuffle the feet or make any noise,
and you will see a spark.
c*>
A hen will lay 200 eggs a year. A
mosquito will lay 200,000,000 in one
short summer. Are you gladder that hens
are not mosquitoes, or that mosquitoes are
not as big as hens?
Hotel Hint:
No first class
inn will
permit guests
to indulge in
such
undignified
gymnastics
as running
through the
corridors, or
jumping
board bills.
Seasonable
Advice:
Look out for
the open
work lawn
hose and
accompany-
ing shower
baths.
[SMQAY | (1906) Czar gives three minutes of his
time in a talk to put the Douma down and
out.
I I Douma gives all its time to blow Czar up
I MONDAY I and out.
TUESDAY
FEU DAY
May 7 — Cannon's boom set off by
speech from Uncle Joe — Presidential Bee
taking terrible risk at Cannon's mouth.
two wron§s
not
how many franchises make a wrong ?
JUNE
The man who is down is
looking for the other fellow
who kicked out some rungs
from the ladder of success.
LITTLE STUDIES IN NATURAL
HISTORY
The Secretary-bird, or Loebriole.
This little creature belongs to the " Know-
itall" class and has no fear, often perching
on the "Big Stick" itself. His distinguishing
characteristic is a thick oak board where
most birds wear tail-feathers. He only sings
when there is a storm coming, and then his
song has a plaintive note as he warbles
" Ki-yi, blame it on me."
How to Make Credit Grow.
Select a choice "bluff." Prepare this
carefully, for the size of the credit depends
entirely upon the general appearance of the
bluff. When you think the bluff is strong
enough, take it to a bank. If it goes there,
you will have no further trouble. Your
credit is now ready to transplant. Should
it begin to droop, give it a check. Be
careful not to use too many, for the proper
use of the credit-plant is to enable its owner
to live without money.
Fashion
Note:
It is no
longer good
form to
serenade
young ladies.
If you wish
to win their
favor, toot
an automo-
bile horn.
Health
Hint:
For " Seeing
things" at
night try a
Welsh
Rarebit.
SUNDAY
MONDAY
(1905) Russo-Jap peace treaty at Ports-
mouth, N. H. — Japanese description of
Portsmouth, " A mos' honorable plaze where
they dispenz mos' dizhonorable liquor!"
(2000 B.C.) Proverbs invented by Solo-
mon, who gazed upon his wives and
exclaimed, "Variety is the spice of life!"
P. S. — Adam couldn't say this because
he was handicapped.
(1258) " Mad Parliament" meets.
(1906) Congress "mad," still in session.
If a man tells you that he "had darned
hard work getting out of bed this morning,"
the chances are that the bed was a folding
one.
JUNE
Woman's love is chaotic;
man's idiotic.
DECKLE-EDGE FRECKLES
SUMMER begins June 20. By
this time your freckles ought to
have a good start.
<*>
Do you know what a freckle is,
children? It is a golden-brown splash
on the northwest corner of a young
woman's nose, although her dearest
friend says it is a fright.
A freckle is the same to a drug-
gist as a pipe line is to Rockefeller —
ready money and a lot of it.
£3
One large deckle-edge freckle will
cause a girl to buy nine kinds of cold
cream, a dozen lemons, a pint of three-
ply acid, and a gross of poudre-de-
phiz every Saturday afternoon.
c*>
All this gives vigor to the freckle. '
Incendiary
Warning:
To save
money from
fire,—
don't burn
it.
Etiquette
Query.
Is the game
worth the
scandal ?
MONDAY | About a year ago the Ground 'og cast a
shadow in Packingtown.
What's the answer?
(1904) It was reported that Cassie
Chadwick and 'Lijah Dowie had formed a
Confidence Trust, whereupon Madam
Bartrand prayed the Interstate Commerce
Commission to issue an injunction against
them under the plea of restraint of trade.
The injunction was issued, and withdrawn
later when the Supreme Court decided that
confidence was too universal to be made
the basis of a monopoly.
JUNE
The poet associates his
larks -with high heaven ; the
realist associates his larks
with high-balls.
RAISING CORN
GREAT care should be exer-
cised in raising com, especially
the variety JotltlUS Barley-
cornicus. This may be raised
with either hand. Some superstitious
agriculturists believe in the efficacy
of a simple incantation to be used in
the act of raising this variety, such
as "Here's how!" "Over the hot
sands!" etc.
Pest Note:
If troubled
with June-
bugs try
sweeping the
cobwebs out
of the attic;
if troubled
with aunts
close up the
house and
go to the
country.
This kind has never been known
to fail in getting to a head. " Kernels"
of Barleycorn originated in Kentucky.
(390 B.C.) Rome saved by the cackling
(1905) Reputations ruined by the cack-
ling of Alexander and Hyde.
I WEDNESDAY I (1906) T. Roosevelt decided to write
no more magazine articles, except for the
Congressional Record.
(1 876) Alexander Graham Bell invented
FRIDAY I the telephone.
(1877) American Humorists invented
the telephone girl.
JUNE
Many a woman prefers a
love of a hat to the love of a
husband.
How TO PLANT A BEER
GARDEN
NOW is the time for the ruddy faced
beer gardener to lay out his beer
garden. First procure a license and a
few nice rustic chairs and tables. Next
extract the seeds from a couple of seedy old
suits and get your wife to sew them. Your
barber will gladly supply you with cuttings,
or, if you have the chance, unscrew a dozen
or so bulbs from some healthy young electric
light plant.
With ordinary summer weather you
should soon have a blooming fine lot of
Anheuser bushes. As soon as the "buds"
begin to pop, pack the roots with ice.
Care should be taken to keep the plants
from drying out.
5=3
Bottle flies, while annoying, do no real
injury to the plant, and a judicious use of
fly-paper will hold them in check.
In weeding, the beer gardener should be
careful to distinguish between true widow's
weeds and grass widow's weeds. The
latter not only add color and beauty to the
garden, but also give life to the plant.
Beer was never worn so much or used so
extensively for interior decoration as it is to-
day. There is a ready market for it at five
cents a small bunch, and with intelligent
grafting the bearing of the plant can be
increased tenfold.
(858 B.C.) Sardanapulus dies on a bier
400 feet high. Great envy among the
July 4th is a great day for those who
love to tell us that "all men are created free
and equal;" it is also a great day for other
Fourth of Juliars.
M (1839) John D. Rockefeller born.
"First in the wells, first in the pipes, first in
the lamps of his countrymen."
JULY
Never look a gift mule in
the hind leg.
HELPFUL HINT FOR JULY
THE best authorities agree that it is
inadvisable to attach a pack of lighted
firecrackers to the tail of the house-
hold cat — without first making sure that the
insurance policy on the house has been
placed in a cold storage vault. A cat loves
its favorite comer when it is mentally dis-
quieted.
AD VERTISEMENTS
ARTISTS MATERIALS, PAINTS, BRUSHES, ETC.
I GILD MY OWN BRICKS
LITTLE GEM BRICK
GILDING OUTFIT
IS A BOON TO FARMERS
Buy the Outfit and be your
own Confidence Man, thus
enjoying all the pleasures
of being buncoed without
leaving The Old Home o- o-
Carving
Note:
A chicken
neck served
to a guest is
"the most
unkindest
cut of all."
SUNDAY I (1906) Lucrezia Borgia rose to assert
that she never used embalmed beef at her
MONDAY
TUESDAY
banquets.
(1586 B.C.) Nebuchadnezzar saw the
handwriting on the wall.
(1906) John D. Rockefeller sailed for
Europe.
(1905) New song published by Cassie
Chadwick, "I've worked every one but
father."
Boy, gun,
Joy, fun.
Gun bust.
Boy dust.
JULY
Friendship is between men
a convenience; between
women, a commodity.
HINTS ON DRESS
Parasols should be carried on Sun-day.
<*>
Persons attending services in poorly
heated churches are justified in making a
cloak of their religion.
63
Eton jackets may be worn at the dinner
table.
69
Silks with watered effects are popular
with milkmen's wives.
<*
The smart set is devoting a good deal of
attention of late to the costuming of house
dogs. Embroidered blankets during the
winter and short pants during the hot
summer weather are quite popular.
<b
Shrinkable dress-patterns should always
be sponged before they are made up, but
the custom of putting an overcoat in "soak"
after it has been worn awhile is still
followed by gentlemen who are financially
embarrassed.
Advice to
Wives:
It is better
to let your
husband
bring a
friend home
to dinner
than it is to
have a
friend bring
him home
after dinner.
SUNDAY
MONDAY
(1896) Abas Dreyfus!
( 1906) Vive le Dreyfus!
I TUESDAY I ( 1 840) First Cunarder arrives in Boston.
P. S. — Do not confound with canard, which
arrived with Boston to remain always.
I WEDNESDAY f
HONOR TO WHOM, ETC.
We're all of us selfishly slow to confess
How much others aid us in winning
success;
But the Fourth of July and the Oyster
must see
How stupid, without any Crackers, they'd
be.
JULY
Many a Glad Hand turns
out to be The Hook.
SIGNS OF THE ZODIAC
(Recent Interpretations)
AQUARIUS, the waterman, indicating
what many a man becomes on the first of
January.
<^>
PISCES, the fishes, indicating that by
February he begins to be just as thirsty.
<h
ARIES, the ram, indicating that in
March he begins to meditate on the virtues
of bock beer.
<*>
TAURUS, the bull, indicating that by
April his disposition is surly and it's a toss-
up whether he really remains a waterman.
<*>
GEMINI, the twins, indicating the result
of the toss-up and how he feels toward his
fellowman in May.
<*>
CANCER, the crab, indicating the back-
ward interest with which he listens to his
wife's plans for the summer.
(Continued on next left-hand page.)
Health
Hint:
For a turned
ankle — a
nicely turned
feminine
ankle — a
low shoe, a
short skirt,
and a drop-
stitch
stocking are
recommend-
ed.
SUNDAY
(1851) Vigilance Committee organized
(MONDAY | in San Francisco.
( 1 906) Order of Muck-rakers established
in Washington.
(1525 B.C.) Pharaoh's daughter finds
Moses in the Bull-rushes.
(1906 A.D.) Roosevelt finds a "joker"
in the meat bill.
INFINITUDE!
Man looks at the stars and with wonder
unspeakable
He thinks on their source which he
knows is unseekable:
He asks who designed all the planets so
beautiful,
But no one has ever unscrewed the
unscrutable.
JULY
An earthquake is not what
it is cracked up to be.
SIGNS OF THE ZODIAC
(Continued)
LEO, the Lion, indicating the state of
mind with which in July he agrees with
them.
GO
VIRGO, the Virgin, indicating that in
August he usually hears of his daughter's
engagement.
C,
LIBRA, the scales, indicating that in
September various interested persons weight
his family's summer enjoyments and send
him the bills.
&3
SCORPIO, the scorpion, indicating the
state of mind with which he pays them in
October.
GO
SAGITTARIUS, the archer, indicating
some fine shooting on the part of his con-
science toward the end of November,
to
CAPRICORNUS, the goat, indicating
what he feels like as he decides that next
year shall be different.
A Milk
Pointer:
Milkmen,
too, have
their
troubles.
If they do
not water
their cows,
or if they do
water their
milk, some-
body has
the law on
them.
(1852) Crystal palace opened at New
I MONDAY I York.
Next week — New York people dis-
cover they cannot live in glass houses.
I TUESDAY"
(1 84 1 ) London Punch first issued.
Same week — Great
over London.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY | (1906) Secretary Taft visits Greenville,
S. C., and opens campaign.
Same date — Democrats of "Solid South"
gaze at Taft in dismay and exclaim, "We
are lost, we had no idea the Republican
party was so large!"
JULY
Matches are made in
heaven — they don't need 'em
in the other place.
Report to the Secretary of War on
the Russo-Japanese War by
Gen. Buzruz, U. S. A.
T
HE war was contrary to all rules of
warfare adopted by civilized nations
because:
1 . It was not started by a newspaper.
2. The scene of operations was not laid
near a fashionable resort.
3. Photographers and correspondents
were not allowed to inspect the officers'
wardrobes.
4. There was no San Juan Hill.
5. The officers gave no afternoon teas,
dinners, or balls.
6. The officers looked after their com-
mands instead of writing magazine articles.
7. The soldiers were fed real food.
8. Thousands upon thousands of soldiers
were killed.
9. The ships sunk in the naval battle
were sunk in deep water.
10. No great scandal arose from the
purchase of food, clothing, or ammunition.
1 I. No newspaper or magazine con-
troversy has been started over who won the
battles.
Political
Note:
Politicians
are bought,
not made.
Health
Hint:
Persons too
serious to
take a joke
should take
a vacation.
SUNDAY
••MMMBM
I MONDAY | (1 886) Dumb piano invented by VirgiL
Rejoicing in Harlem.
I TUESDAY I
1 WEDNESDAY!
I THURSDAY I (1547) Silk stockings first worn by
Henry II of France. Rainy days become
popular.
FRIDAY I Tne woman who wears a short bathing
skirt is not necessarily immodest. She may
be the wife of a popular magazine editor
,. and cultivate exposure because she has
SATURDAY! caught the habit.
— Supton Eclair.
AUGUST
No successful business
man ever spends his own
money.
USEFUL FARM HINTS
TAKE good care of the farm tools. A
crow-bar, if carefully housed when
not in use, may, at a hundred years of
age be just as pry as ever.
The man who sells six onions for a nickel
cannot thrive,
For all can see that no one ought to give
six scents for five.
In delivering a chair to the repairman to
bottom he should be made to give a re-seat
for it
&5
Feed the pigs well. A pig resembles a
tree in one respect It is by his root that he
Farmers should encourage song birds to
nest about the premises, but the lay of the
hen must still bring them the most substantial
delight.
GO
It is when the farmer sees his fine crop
maturing that he feels like singing, " In this
wheat by and by."
<*>
In working about a mule that kicks, it
should be remembered that his head-quar-
ters are not his real business end.
Advice on
Care of
Your
Rubber
Plant:
A Turkish
Bath
Factory
needs con-
stant
attention to
make it pay.
(1906) Boston Convention of Flies pass
vote of thanks to John B. Moran for
removing screens from hotel windows.
I WEDNESDAY I "The greatest blessing of all is that I am
1 no longer kept awake nights by persons
who are making modern improvements."
— Robinson Crusoe.
(1066) William prepares to invade
England with 696 ships and 60,000 men.
( 1 906) Alice prepares to invade England
SATURDAY
wim o^o trunKs ana I man.
j /* \
AUGUST
A woman wears a veil for
the same reason that distance
lends enchantment.
HELPFUL HINTS FOR AUGUST
A CABBAGE leaf in the hat
is an excellent means of keep-
ing the head cool. The
experiment is more successful if on
top of the cabbage leaf you will place
about two handfuls of chipped ice,
renewing it as fast as it melts, and
you might try sipping something from
a high glass decorated with mint
leaves — sipping it through a straw is
favored by many eminent practitioners
at the bar.
A BREAD AND MILK Cow
The farmer with a Jersey cow
Can live as fine as silk
For he has got, you must allow,
His thorough-bred and milk.
A Hint on
Luck:
A Lucky-
piece is a
good
mascot ;
a piece of
luck is the
real thing.
Fashion
Hint:
With peek-
a-boo waist
and short
sleeves, a
woman must
wear her
heart in her
hand-bag.
"dog
uA».nnvl (449) "Robbers'
MONDAY | Ephesus.
( 1 908) Extra session of Congress held at
Washington.
WEDNESDAY I Do not take this day off. It
day" and he may want it.
(697) The Venetians elect their first
FRIDAY I doge.
(1906) The beef packers try their last
dodge.
AUGUST
A girl in a hammock is
worth two in a corps de
ballet.
APPROPRIATE SALUTATIONS
To the fireman : Go to blazes!
^
To the butcher: May you never
make a miss-steak in your endeavor to
make both ends meat!
To the baker: May you always
have the dough, not too much crust,
and the means to loaf whenever you
wish to!
<0
To the spinster: May you
ever be the matchless but not the
mateless woman you are now!
«9
To the young physician:
May you wait, like Patience on a
monument, till finally you shall have
lots of monuments on your patients!
«9
To the seamstress: May life
always seam sew-sew in your hemmy-
sphere!
Co
To the dentist: May you
always enjoy a pull and be able to
fill many an aching void and long-felt
want!
&s
To the poet: May you have
many more verses than reverses.
I WEDNESDAY | (6,99,950 B.C.) Eve appears in a peek-
a-boo waist
10NDAY. .... he^nothingtobragon,
* it s true, «* f*. *« a bfg chestnut burr
TUESDAY I Gels *c ^ *' Around J
FRIDAY I (1509) Henry VIII began to get mar-
ried.
AUGUST
A man admires a woman
for what he thinks she is ; a
woman admires a man for
what she thinks he has.
HELPFUL HINT FOR
SEPTEMBER
EXCUSE us, but we will not suggest
any method for removing a coat of
tan. We are assured on the best
authority that Alice blue, radium gray, and
fluorescent green will be the popular shades
this summer. However, if yours is a tan
coat, unbutton it and pull your arms out first;
it will then come off easily enough.
Is THE SUN INHABITED?
An astronomer from Indiana claims to
have discovered that the Sun is inhabited.
c*>
The Public will probably hoot at this
just as it hooted at Columbus when he said
the Earth was round.
The Public also hooted at wireless teleg-
raphy in its early stages.
The Public is now hooting at the idea of
airships ever becoming common carriers.
<*
The Sun may be inhabited, who knows?
<*>
This astronomer from Indiana may not be
as buggy as he really appears at first blush.
«ft
The Sun is hot, 'tis true, but Hell is also
hot.
^
And Hell is inhabited.
Financial
Note:
When in
doubt, do
the first one
you come
across.
Marine
Note:
High rollers
don't always
come in
from the sea.
—
IT HEADS THE LIST
In a book showing all
Of the gowns great and small
Wives have worn since this old world begun,
That first dress of Eve's,
Which she fashioned of leaves,
Should be, properly, labeled "Fig. 1."
(1848) Patent issued for converting fine
coal into solid lumps.
(1906) Patent sought for converting fine
poetry into filthy lucre.
SEPTEMBER
It's a long lane that hides
no lovers.
SIMPLE HOUSEHOLD RECIPES
FOR VEGETARIANS
HAY A-LA-MODE
Take a pound of best timothy and soak
it over night in fresh brine. Peel carefully
and place it in a vegetable ivory saucepan.
Add the yolk of an egg-plant and stir dream-
ily over an electric-fan till it disappears. Serve
it right.
65
NUT CUTLET
Procure two dozen new nuts from any
hardware shop. Grind them into a paste of
about the consistency of the average politi-
cian. Over this pour a little Standard Oil
from which the dividends have been removed,
and stir briskly with a subpoena till the oil
begins to run; pour off, strain, and beat the
paste with an axe until it looks and tastes like
a veal cutlet.
Co
IMITATION POTTED HARE
Take a false hare and pot it. This will
be potted imitation hare, to be used for
decorative purposes only.
to
STEWED RUBBER PLANT
Cut the plant into rubber bands, add a
pinch of rubber cement and beat the whole
mixture to beat the band until it will stretch
without breaking. This rule is elastic.
Ticker
Note:
Bull move-
ments are
carefully
watched in
Mexico and
Spain.
Fashion
Note:
Many a
hose is worn
to be seen.
SUNDAY I (| 10,000 B.C.) f Aphrodite bom from
the "foam of the sea."
(1 A.D.) "Katzenjammer" born from
the foam of too many "schooners."
I WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
General opening of Public Schools.
General opening of Oysters.
(1777) Brandywine proves a bad mix-
ture for the colonial troops.
(Sept. 15, 1693) Public lotteries estab-
lished in England. Marriage encouraged.
SEPTEMBER
That love is blind accounts
for so many miscues.
HEALTH HINTS
r I 'O cure seasickness: Turn the
entire system inside out and
hang it over the rail of the
ship where the salt spray can drench
it. Under this treatment the patient
is pretty sure to feel somewhat re-
lieved within a few days after the
time of going ashore.
<*>
Persons troubled with poor circula-
tion should ascertain how to increase
the same by consulting the editor of
their favorite Sunday newspaper.
63
Weak respiration may be improved
by a diet of onions. They are
highly recommended for strengthening
the breath.
<*>
For insomnia try snoring, which is
always a symptom of SOUND sleep.
OB
To prevent hay fever: Go not in
the way of the kittenish grass widow.
<h
Care should be taken to prevent
the occupants of the penitentiary from
getting the measles. It would make
trouble should they all break out at
once.
Financial
Note:
For "dust"
in the house,
ask hubby.
Art Note:
An artists'
model is not
necessarily a
model of
good
behavior.
MONDAY I (862 B.C.) Jonah took the first trip in a
submarine.
| TUESDAY I (753 B.C.) Romulus and Remus open a
milk route.
(1709) Pianoforte invented by Bartol-
ommeo Cristofori. His assassination soon
follows.
SATURDAY
SEPTEMBER
It is better to laugh at a joke
you don't understand than to
weep over the efforts of your
friend to explain it.
LITTLE STUDIES IN NATURAL
HISTORY
How to Trim Rich Relations.
THIS is a very dangerous and
delicate operation as the sub-
jects can only be approached
when they are asleep.
Provide yourself with a black-jack,
a bottle of chloroform and a sponge.
About three in the morning enter the
room where the Richest Relation is
sleeping. Going noiselessly to the bed,
hold the sponge saturated with chlo-
roform above the Richest Relation's
nose. As his sleep becomes more
profound, lower the sponge, and finally,
with a quick motion, jam it in his
mouth. Then strike his head with the
black-jack, using all your strength.
Rich Relations are suspicious and you
cannot be too careful in business mat-
ters. This done, cut out the gold,
silver, or bills, from his pockets, and
any jewels or trinkets that you may
find.
Note: In most cases it will not be
necessary to kill the subject before you
can do the trimming.
Health
Hint:
While
sleeping it
is best to lie
on the right
side; also
while
awake.
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
(1629) First theater in America estab-
lished in Boston. Patti opened theater
with first farewell performance.
"The bathing dresses are very pretty, but
I'm sure I can't imagine where they buy
such long stockings."
— Aunt Mary's letter from the seashore.
(1593) Anthony Comstock would have
indicted Shakespeare for writing Venus and
Adonis.
SEPTEMBER
Those who live in glass
houses should conduct them-
selves accordingly.
RARE RECIPES
TO MAKE A LIVING: To one old
woman with
money add "soft-soap" to her taste.
Sweeten with gush. Mix with a wedding
ceremony and shake quickly when you have
her money.
TO MAKE ANGEL-FOOD: Take a
"peach"
with red lips. Add a shadynook. Sweeten
with kisses. Serve in the moonlight.
TO PRESERVE MONEY: Take a
• roll of
"yellow-backs" from whoever has one. Mix
with all the money you can borrow. Put
in a strong-box and let it stand till the police
have forgotten you. Repeat the process
and cover with a prominent part in church
Entomolog-
ical Note:
In Washing-
ton the
Katy-dids
now say
Teddy did,
Teddy
didn't.
Home Hint:
Servant girls
should be
picked early
this month.
If picked
green they
often last the
whole win-
ter. It is
inadvisable
to pick them
too fresh.
SUNDAY | 0 296) Society of "Merchant Adventu-
rers" established by John, of Biabaut.
(1901) Steal Trust organized by Mor-
gan, of New York.
TUESDAY | "One may write for the Ladies' Home
Journal without having to read it."—
Kudyard Ripling.
I WEDNESDAY]
(THURSDAY! (15,001 B.C.) Venus explains platonic
friendship to Adonis.
FRIDAY
(575 B.C.) Horatius beat Lars Porsena
at a game of bridge.
OCTOBER
There's many a cup 'twixt
the office and the ferry slip.
You NEVER CAN TELL
Sons of great men oft remind us
That no matter what our fame,
Offspring that we leave behind us
May be lobsters, just the same.
Economical
Hint:
A good
imitation of
soapsuds
may be
made by
shaking a
bottle of
champagne
and then
opening the
bottle.
pve^
CloUP5Avr >
fel
MONDAY I ( 1 78 1 ) Battle of Eutaw.
(1 906) W.C.T.U. tries to throw Smoot
out of the Senate.
I TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
(673) Theodre, of England, calls first
Council of Bishops.
(1906) Theodore, of Washington, calls
Council of Muck-rakers.
FRIDAY | FIRST CANOE— Doesn't it make
you tired to be taken out by one of those
fresh young men who doesn't know how
to paddle?
SECOND CANOE — Yes, it often
quite upsets me.
OCTOBER
There is some good in
every heart, some rubber
in every neck.
HELPFUL HINT FOR OCTOBER
IF you have carelessly left your
ermine muff and neck-piece where
the moths have attacked it during
the summer, an easy and simple way
to remedy the damage will be — but
wait ! Maybe you haven't any ermine
muff and neck-piece. Far be it from
us to touch a tender spot.
She — (very decollete). How far
do you think a girl ought to go
toward revealing the secrets of her
heart?
He — (sizing her up). Well, I
should say you'd gone about the
limit.
Footwear
Advice :
Two empty
bananas
make a very
good pair of
slippers.
Health
Hint:
There is no
sure cure
for laziness,
but a second
wife may
relieve it.
SUNDAY | There was a young man from St Louis
Who'd eat nothing else but chop souis,
A habit he learned
When his medals he earned
In the fight at Manila with Douis!
(1196)
pretzels.
Diet at Wurzburg — beer and
THURSDAY | "Half a suit of pajamas is better than no
nightie." — Hindoo Proverb.
OCTOBER
The easiest way to put a
baby to sleep is the rockiest
way.
To THE GODDESS ON THE
DOLLAR
Fair maid, how I have longed for thee,
That classic face of thine
I feared would never look on me,
Much less be wholly mine !
And now that thou art mine indeed —
In fact my last resource —
There comes, alas, through direful need,
The time for our divorce !
Health
Hint:
A good
way to air
your room
is to turn it
wrong side
out and
hang it out
the window.
A BUSINESS POINTER
"When I can read my title clear
To mansions in the skies,"
I will not care for riches here,
And cease to advertise.
(1753) Popularity of "the" Pompadour
at height.
( 1 906) Marcel wave in the ascendant.
t-r.ir.Av i (1558) Sailers' company founded in
FRIDAY I London.
(1875) Hetty Green elected a 33d
degree member.
I SATURDAY f
OCTOBER
The eye is the window of
the soul.
The mouth is the subway
of the face.
RECIPE FOR MAKING
PUMPKIN PIE
THE KIND THAT MOTHER DIDN'T
USED TO MAKE
(Copyrighted)
FIRST get your pumpkin. Then kill it
and skin it. Cut pumpkin into small
hunks with an axe. Boil the hunks.
Boil them some more. Continue to boil
hunks until they become a mucky gob.
Unless you produce a mucky gob, the pie
will be lumpy. Add fresh picked eggs to
common cow's milk. Beat the eggs. They
may be hard to beat, but beat them. Use
a carpet beater if necessary. Now pinch
the salt and add the pinch. Add a dash of
cinnamon, add a few nutmegs (whole);
these will give the pie that rich, nutty flavor
so much desired. Add three-fourths cup of
molasses. Do not add mustard — this is
not a mustard plaster, it is a pie. Now add
this mixture to the mucky gob. Stir until
thoroughly mixed. Let stand while you
give your pie-pans a coat of crust. Then
pour mixture into pie-pans until they slop
over. Place in a hot oven. When you
can't stick a fork into the pies, they are
done. Remove pies from oven and place
on the back piazza to cool. If the dog
likes them, they're all right.
Etiquette
Hint:
To remove
a "sticking
plaster," try
yawning.
TUESDAY]
SUCH A JAIS!
There was a young man from Calais
Who saw a soubrette at a plais.
Her beauty all fled
When her make-up was shed,
And his idol proved nothing but clais!
(60 B.C.) Cleopatra invents peek-a-boo
waists.
(60 B.C.) Antony becomes first easy
Marc.
I THURSDAY | (1906) Peek-a-boo waist is the pneu-
monia waist in September.
FRIDAY
OCTOBER
The baby's favorite, often
heard at night — a high-bawl
in A flat.
HELPFUL HINT FOR
NOVEMBER
DO not put brandy in your mince pies.
It spoils it — the brandy, we mean.
We cannot speak too strongly against
the pernicious habit of doctoring mince meat
with brandy. It lures men on. The first
baleful bite rouses the appetite, and soon
they will be eating mince pie after mince
pie all day, and eventually be laid up with
indigestion. And even the aggressive clove
curls up and faints when ordered to dis-
guise a mince pie breath.
How TO GET RID OF THE
GYPSY MOTH
First, climb the tree where he resides
and carefully put him in your hip pocket;
then fall heavily to the ground, landing on
your back in such a manner as to disfigure
the moth permanently.
If he survives, circulate stories derogatory
to gypsies generally and he will leave of his
own accord.
EVOLUTION
"I'm not a beauty, I'll allow,"
Said the poor mule, lank and old,
" But I'm less of a jackass, anyhow,
Than my father was, I'm told."
I MKDAY I (1904) Prohibitionists nominated Swallow
for President. He went down easily.
(1905) Roosevelt discovered that he
was nominated June "23."
(1906) Roosevelt decides not to run
for third term.
NOVEMBER
Hell hath no fury like a
woman scorned and, accord-
ing to all accounts, it also has
many other discomforts of
home.
FAMILY TREES
Men are luckless farmers,
Their Family Trees will show,
For many who grafted Peaches
Are ruined by their Blow.
CANNED
GOODS
ADVERTISEMENTS
HEAD
WEAR
BRAINS MADE TO ORDER;
Do your brains fit you? Are they of an
inferior quality? Do they make you a
living ?
...USE...
OLD DR. WISE'S BRAINS!
We have reached the highest perfection
point in the manufacture of brains and can
supply you with canned brains at reasona-
ble prices. Put up only in pints and quarts.
Prices on application.
BRAINS ON TRIAL!
Send us your name and we will ship you
direct a complete set of our brains on trial.
Use them 30 days and if, at the end of that
period, you find 'them not all we claim,
return them to us at our expense.
SECOND-HAND BRAINS TAKEN IN
EXCHANGE !
THE "WISE, GRAY
MATTER CO.
Boston, Mass.
Golf Rule:
If you strike
your partner,
while
driving, the
stroke counts
against him.
Health
Note:
To cure
palpitation of
the heart, it
is best to ask
her at once
and have it
over with.
SUNDAY
GENEALOGICAL NOTE
Any low-browed, brindle rooster
Can kerdoodle if he choose ter
And strut about and cackle, "Tra la la!"
But an incubator chicken
Hatched by steam 's a mighty slick un*
TUESDAY I K it's wise enough to recognize its ma.
WEDNESDAY
I THL'RSDAYl ( | 640) Torture abolished in England.
(1906) Corsets still worn.
FRIDAY I Law now off on certain fish. Get the
hook.
NOVEMBER
Home is where you are not
allowed to sit on the sofa
pillows.
FORECAST FOR NOVEMBER
THE period between the 1st
and the 9th will be marked
by cold in the head and feet.
To relieve cold feet bathe them in
hot water before retiring; if they're
your wife's, do the same. Another
way to relieve cold feet is to get out
of the game. From the 9th to the
1 6th there will be hard sledding for
the poor and automobiling for the
rich. Along the latter part of the
month there will be a wave of hot
mince pie, turkey, cranberry sauce,
and other good things, followed by
headache in the northern portion and
stomach-ache in the southern portion.
<*>
Sagittarius (the Archer) is the sign
in the Zodiac for November. It is
"Sag's" business to shoot any good
weather that shows itself above the
skyline. Sometimes when "Sag" is
not looking the summer Indian sneaks
through the picket line.
Poultry
Hint:
Time spent
in trying to
reform a
bad egg is
time wasted.
Health
Hint:
Persons
troubled
with rheu-
matics
should avoid
attic rooms,
but those
who have
the
" shingles "
can sleep on
the roof.
METEORO-LOGICAL
"One swallow does not make a summer,"
I MONDAY I Still, 'tis clear to all [stuff
1 That swallows enough of the right sort of
Are certain to make a fall.
0775) Washington's army, barefooted
snow at Valley Forge, swore that it
would, later on, whip the British "out of
their boots."
FRIDAY I (4004 B.C.) Popular songs invented by
Adam, who introduced "There's only one
girl in the world for me ! "
NOVEMBER
Circumstances open cases.
How TO VIEW AN ECLIPSE
TO properly view an eclipse to its full, a
party of several good spirits should
get together. Whether an eclipse of
the sun or the moon, each should take a glass
and smoke it. A great deal depends on
the quality and character of the glass. Some
glasses are much more certain to reveal an
eclipse than are others.
<^>
If the first glass when properly smoked
does not show the eclipse, try another and
a stronger one. It is very probable that this
glass will show the sun or the moon in the
throes of an eclipse. Still another glass will
show two suns or two moons. The third
glass is likely to show several moons and
several suns, fixed stars and those that need
fixing, comets and milky ways, sky-rockets
and pin-wheels, all combining to eclipse the
finest display of Fourth of July fireworks
ever projected by the mind of man.
<o
And when the beholder of this mighty
spectacle wakes up during the afternoon of
the following day and sees but one simple
unadorned sun doing business in the whole
expanse of the broad, blue heavens, he has
a feeling of pity for all those who retired
early the night before and missed the social,
spiritual, and educative uplift that comes
from viewing an eclipse under just the proper
conditions.
Health
Hint:
Young
ladies desir-
ing more
color in their
cheeks
should try
brushing the
same with a
two days'
growth of
bristles on a
masculine
chin.
SUNDAY
MONDAY
WHO DARES?
Some men are brave, no doubt, in war,
But the iron-nerved rip-snorter
Is the fellow who rides in the sleeping-car
And refuses to tip the porter.
I WEDNESDAY I 0890) Improved excelsior machines
invented.
Same date — Breakfast food introduced.
(1828) Daniel O'Connell, elected to
parliament, refuses to take the oath.
Same date — First and only time on
record a politician ever refused to take
I SATURDAY! anything.
NOVEMBER
The man behind the man
in front constitutes a pull,
not a push.
HELPFUL HINT FOR
DECEMBER
Health
Hint:
Fatigued
brain-
workers
desiring to
engage in
some restful
employment
should try
hair-
dressing.
The barber
does most
of his head-
work with
his hands.
Household
Hint:
Do not mis-
take the cat
for a sofa
pillow; those
who sit on
the cat,
thinking she
is a cushion,
will rise
again.
NOW, do not show your resentment
toward those who forgot to send you
presents last Christmas. Send each
:>f them a little remembrance — but be sure
o select something that will force them to
>pend forty or fifty dollars to take care
:>f it or to surround it with the proper atmos-
ahere. This is much better than mailing a
Dost card and letting it go at that.
.T,;,T ADVERTISEMENTSBXTB';SS"
EYES TESTED AT HOME
It is a deplorable
fact that human
vision is falling be-
low the normal
standard day by
day. A great many
people weaken their
ig for work, others in
a joke where there is
home eye tester is
rewith. Why pay
to an oculist when
rour eyes yourself?
ONS FOR USING
E-TESTER
0
__jC
jyes by lookii
.rying to see
10 joke.
Our patent
presented he
jood money
fou can test 3
DIRECTI
EY]
Hold black disc and parallel lines 18
inches in front of your eyes. Close your
eyes and look at diagram intently. If, then,
any one line in the diagram seems to you
to be more alike than any other line, or if
any one line looks to be more parallel than
two lines, you ought to wear spectacles.
TUESDAY
A SACRED THOUGHT
"Oh, had I the wings of a dove!" sang she
And I thought (and I guess it was pat) [see
If she gets them, on next Sunday morning we'll
The two of them pinned on her hat
(1906) Terrible disaster throughout
United States — many magazines have hot-
air explosions, shattering scores of reputa-
tions.
(1897) Thousands invest in Keeley
FRIDAY | motor stock.
( 1 898) Keeley motor discovered to be a
fraud — first Keeley cure on record.
SATURDAY
DECEMBER
All things come to him
who goes after them.
FARMING IN ALASKA
IT is encouraging to note that farming in
our far Northwest possessions is on the
boom. [Note to printer — be careful not
to make "bum" out of "boom."] A bulle-
tin issued by the Agricultural Department of
our government, just as we go to press,
shows that there are at present in Alaska
1 2 farms, four oxen, 1 3 cows, 1 76
chickens, 1 0 pigs, several cases of pneu-
monia and numerous games of "freeze-out."
During the fiscal year there was harvested
in Alaska $ 1 65 worth of hay, $95 worth
of eggs and poultry, and a big crop of ice.
There are certain advantages of farming in
Alaska. In harvest time, for instance, a
man never sweats at work. He markets
his milk frozen and sells it by the hunk.
You never hear of anybody crying over
spilt milk in Alaska. It's the same way
with eggs — no cold storage needed ; the
eggs are frozen before they are layed, thus
retaining their fine, fresh flavor until used.
You never hear of an egg passing from' the
sublime to the ridiculous stage in Alaska.
Farmers in Alaska plow with ice-picks
and shoot the seed into the soil with a
double-barreled shotgun. The 12 farmers
in Alaska held a farmers' institute recently
to talk over prospects for the current year.
Basing prospects on $165 worth of hay
raised last year, they figure that if conditions
are favorable they will raise $ 1 75 worth
this year.
Culinary
Note:
To pair
potatoes,
place them
two by two.
Health
Note:
For water
on the brain
try an
umbrella.
TUESDAY
EVE BEGAN IT
The eternal feminine has not changed
much since the days of Eve, who was the
first of her sex to complain that she hadn't
a thing to wear.
(1 798) George Washington invents the
IWW5DAYI cocktail.
(1906) George Washington acknowl-
edged to be most popular man in history of
the country.
(1905) Beef Trust declared illegal -
FRIDAY | whatever that is.
(1906) Beef Trust demonstrates that
there is no use "beefing about it."
SATURDAYf
DECEMBER
Most popular book in the
world — the pocketbook.
THE PUBLISHER'S COZY
CORNER CHAT
L
ONE OF OUR AWFUL SMART
BOYS
ITTLE George Hathadash lives in
Megawolloppey, Maine, and is now
three years old.
This brave ruddy-cheeked boy immedi-
ately took the Megawolloppey agency for
the "Saturday Evening Roast," feeling sure
that his ruddy cheek would carry him
through successfully. Next Sunday, when
everybody was gathered in church, who
should come toddling down the aisle but
George Hathadash distributing his first bun-
dle of " Roasts," just as he had seen the train
boy sell candy on a train of cars. " Better
and brighter than any thermon," cried
George Hathadash in his childish treble.
"Here's your 'Thaturday Evening Roast,'
the brother-in-law of the 'Ladies' Wall
Paper." Better and brighter than any
thermon."
Of course that attracted attention, and
almost before he knew it George had
disposed of his whole bundle and established
himself in business. He is now well on
his way to win the beautiful prize of a silver
carving knife that the " Roast " offers as an
extra inducement to its hustling young
salesmen.
There are other prizes and any boy with
a good ruddy cheek is likely to get one of
them.
But all boys are not like George Hatha-
dash. We think he is going to be a
President of the Common Council.
Health
Note:
A hot brick
is a good
thing for
the feet;
a cold brick
is a bad
thing for the
head.
MONDAY
(44 B.C.) " Twenty-three for you,"
shouted Brutus to Caesar, and when they
counted the stab wounds they found Brutus
had enumerated correctly.
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
(1 776) Washington arrives at Dorchester
Heights and finds 25,000 bushels of wheat.
" I am glad it isn't break fast food," said
George.
(192 B.C.) First mention of Baseball.
I THURSDAY | Sparta joins the Achean league — it was
easy to slide in Greece.
FRIDAY I LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR
The colicky baby's father,
As he croons his soothing song,
His thanks should give that he doesn't live
Where the nights are six months long.
DECEMBER
"Even those who can't
read like to look at the pic-
tures."— Willie B. Hearsed
(Politically) ?
ADVICE TO PARENTS
IT is now pretty generally believed that
the name given to one to bear with him
night and day, during all his years, has a
most important influence in the work of
shaping his life and fortune.
<*>
No doubt a careful investigation of the
subject would show that most of the bare-
pated men of the nation are so because
while they were still helpless little children
they were named Archibald, Theobald,
Baldwin, and the like, whereas, had they
been named Harry, or Harold, or Aaron,
they would still be blest with well-thatched
It is the bounden duty of parents to deter-
mine the business or profession in which
they intend their children shall engage. If
they wish their son to become a fancy poul-
try-breeder they should name him Egbert or
Henry ; if they wish him to become a sur-
geon they should call him Lancelot; if an
arithmetician, Adam; if a clown, Guy or
Joshua; if a street car driver, Oscar; if a
real estate dealer, Lot or Orlando; if a man
of wealth, Richard ; if a debtor, Owen ; and
if they wish him to " go to grass," Timothy.
Why is the
standard
octopus like
a water-lily?
Oh, fudge!
It isn't like a
water-lily at
all. It is
more like
the skunk
cabbage
which gets a
head in the
world, but is
always in
bad odor.
The same degree of thoughtful care
should be exercised in naming girls, as well.
If a girl is to become a musician she should
be called Octavia or Dora; if a milliner,
Hattie ; if a writer, Adaline ; if a cook,
Dinah or Amelia; and so on to the end of
the chapter.
(1660) Charles II, chased by subpoena
from Cromwell, wins record of being most
difficult man in the world to subpoena.
(1906) Rockefeller smashes record of
Charles II.
(1620) Pilgrims land at Plymouth in
little Mayflower.
(1906) Records show that little May-
flower brought over 38,000,000 carloads
of ancestors, candlesticks, furniture, etc.
(1906) Chinese missionaries threatened.
(Next day) Missionaries leave tracts and
make new ones for home.
The day before Christmas will seem the
longest day in the year if you are expecting
any presents.
DECEMBER
"Wit is something bright,
thought of after the guests
have departed.
ANSWERS TO CORRESPOND.
ENTS
DIFFIDENT — The proper way to
handle a lobster is to have him arrested.
ECONOMY — We know of no place
where toothbrushes are laundered.
HISTORIAN — You are right. Noah
was the largest individual holder of watered
stock during his age.
SCIENCE — Yes, ice
both sides.
is slippery on
WELL WISHER — We return the
$5 note. We cannot accept counterfeit
money from admirers.
SPORT— You lose,
an orphan.
Adam was born
RECENT INVENTIONS
A charming addition to the safety razor
is a little fountain attachment that sprinkles
the user with Bay Rum.
<*>
Up-to-date bachelors are rapidly adopting
the new unlosable collar button. This
collar button is made of rubber with a little
electric light attachment and is guaranteed to
bounce for five minutes. Every time it
strikes the floor, the impact causes the light
to shine brilliantly, thus making it impossible
to lose sight of even in the darkest corner.
A New
Year
Thoughtj
Now is the
time to take
your pen in
hand — to
meditate, to
practise
faithfully
until you
write with
ease,
one- nine -
naught -
EIGHT.
To
Develop
the Calf:
Permit it to
remain with
its mother
for two or
three weeks.
Then teach
it to drink
milk out of
pail.
SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
( 1 278) Ottocar died in Vienna.
(1895) Automobile born in France.
(1373) Leopold, archduke of Austria,
named his son Rupert for the benefit of
modern novelists.
( 1 340) Cannon first used in England.
(1906) Roosevelt uses Cannon in the
House of Representatives.
CORRESPONDENT ANSWERED
Editor Foolish Almanack: —
What ails my hens? Every morning I
find two or three lying on their backs, toes
curled up, never to rise again.
CONSTANT READER.
Skowhegan, Me.
Answer: — Your hens are dead. — Ed.
DECEMBER
Health Hint: -If you have
a " broken bone " try to save
the change.
j\.um,oer 1 in the " Foolish Series
<Tke Foolisk
Dictionary
ly GIDEON WURDZ
Author of "Foolish Finance"
Over fifty illustrations ty ^Vallace Gold-
smitL.
More tkan one KunJred tkousand copies of "The
Foolish Dictionary" Lave teen sold, and
tnrougnout tke country its seven hundred
•witty definitions are quoted in every -walk of
life.
It is a took for everybody wno lovei fun in
•words— in fact it's
A DICTIONARY of HUMOR
Uniform with ^Foolish. Finance. Cloth
{Price 75c
JOHN W. LUCE and COMPANY
BOSTON and LONDON
Number 3 in the " Foolish Series
Foolish
nance
ly GIDEON WURDZ
Author of "The Foolish Dictionary"
A mirthful book on all branches of finance,
familiarizing the uninitiated with the
funny side of losing money, while
making \Vall Street see the joke on
themselves.
"The Author aims his witty shafts at the mo-
nopolists, railroads, hanks, mines, insurance
companies, and on every page there is some-
thing to provoke a smile." — ^Boston Herald
Over fifty characteristically funny illus-
trations by \Vallac8 Goldsmith.
Uniform with "Foolish 'Dictionary". Cloth
[Price 75c
JOHN W. LUCE and COMPANY
BOSTON and LONDON
Containing a ^Wealth of Nimbl e Je$t
Foolish
Etiquette
•written by that Brilliant Coterie so Giddy-
on-\Vords, whose contribution to "The
Foolish Dictionary," "Foolish Finance"
and "The Foolish Almanac" nave made
those Looks nationally notable, bere appear-
ing under tbe pseudonym of
O. B. HAYVE
Over 100 Characteristic Illustrations by MVallace
Goldsmith •whose humorous sketches are such an
important feature of Tke Foolisk Series.
"Even more entertaining, we think, than cither of its predecessors.'
—Bo,ton Adv.rtiitr, June 25, 1906.
"Wit and clevernes.."— N. Y, Tribune. June 30. 1906.
C//ofA, uniform with other OOOK.S in tnis
series, 73-8x4 1-2. 160 Pages.
[Price 75c
JOHN W. LUCE and COMPANY
BOSTON and LONDON
ADDITIONAL TITLES from
JOHN W. LUCE & COMPANY'S LIST
THE GIRL IN WAITING, by Archibald Eyre. "A
very unusual novel." [$1 .50
ALL BY WIRE
A love episode told in 1 00 fac-simile telegrams. [$1 .00
THE MISFIT CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS, by the
Consolation Club. A Christmas Story, beautifully illus-
trated by Wallace Goldsmith. [$ 1 .25
THE CANTERVILLE GHOST, by Wilde. An inimit-
able satire, and grotesquely amusing. [$ 1 .00
Illustrated by Wallace Goldsmith.
A BACHELOR'S CUPBOARD, by A. Lyman
Phillips. Everything a bachelor should know. [$ 1 .00
THE FOOLISH ALMANACK (1st).
If you like one you will like the other. [$ .75
LOVE LETTERS OF HENRY VIII to Anne Boleyn.
Genuine copies, exquisitely bound in full leather. [$1.50
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW; HIS PLAYS. A
critical analysis by Henry L. Mencken. [$ 1 .00
ON GOING TO CHURCH, by George Bernard
Shaw. [$ .75
EPIGRAMS AND APHORISMS, by Oscar Wilde.
Sparks from a brilliant mind. [$1 .50
Any of the above books will be sent by the
publishers, postage prepaid, on receipt of price.
JOHN W. LUCE AND COMPANY
31 BEACON STREET BOSTON
A 000005112 8
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