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HUDIBRAS.
SAMUEL BUTLER
NOTES AND A LITERARY MEMOIR
EEV. TREADWAY RUSSEL NASH, D. D.
ILLUSTRATED WITH PORTRAITS, AND CONTAINING
A NEW AND COMPLETE INDEX.
" Non deeruiit fortasse titilitis^atores, qui caluninientur, partim leviores «sJ«
uugas, quam ut theolo|rum deceant, partim mordaciores, quam ut Christians
conveoiaut modestiai." Erasm. MoricE. Encom. PrcE/aU
NEW- YORK:
D. APPLETON & COMPANY,
443 & 445 BKOADWAT.
1865.
UMVEF.SITY OF CAUFORP
SANTA BARBARA
ADVERTISEMENT *
Little or no apology need be offered to the Public
for presenting it with a new edftion of Hudibras; the
poem ranks too high in English literature not to be wel-
comed if it appear in a correct text, legible type, and on
good paper : ever since its first appearance it has been
as a mirror in which an Englishman might have seen
his face without becoming. Narcissus-like, enamored of
it ; such an honest looking-glass must ever be valuable,
if there be worth in the aphorism of nosce teipsum.
May it not in the present times be as useful as in any
that are past ? Perhaps even in this enlightened age a
little self-examination may be wholesome ; a man will
take a glance of recognition of himself if there be a
glass in the room, and it may happen that some indica-
tion of the nascent symptoms of the wrinkles of treason,
of the crows-feet of fanaticism, of the drawn-down
mouth of hypocrisy, or of the superfluous hairs of self-
conceit, may startle the till then unconscious possessor
of such germs of vice, and afford to his honester quali-
ties an opportunity of stifling them ere they start forth
in their native hideousness, and so, perchance, help to
avert the repetition of the evil times the poet satirizes,
which, in whatever point they are viewed, stand a Wot
in the annals of Britain.
The edition in three quarto volumes of Hudibras, ed-
ited by Dr. Nasht in 1793, has become a book of high
* Prefixed to the Edition in 2 vols. 8vo. 1833. k
t " January 26, 1811. — At his seat at Bevere, near Worcester,
" in his 8i3th year, Treadway Kussel Nash, D. D., P. S. A., Rec
" tor of Leigh. He was of Worcester College in Oxford ; M. A
" 1746 ; B. and D. D- IT.'JB. He was the venerable Father of the
" Magistracy of the County of Worcester ; of which he was an
" upright and judicious member nearly fifty years ; and a gentle-
" man of profound erudition and critical knowledge in the seve-
' ral branches of literature : particularly the History of his na-
" live county, which he illustrated with indefatigable labor and
" expense to himself. In exemplary prudenee, moderation, atfa-
' bility, and unostentatious manner of living, he has left no sn
0 ADVERTISEMENT.
price and uncommon occurrence. It may justly bfl
called a scholar's edition, although the Editor thus mod-
estly speaks of his annotations : " The principal, if not
" the sole view, of the annotations now offered to the
*' public, hath been to remove these difficulties, (fluctua-
" tions of language, disuse of customs, &i,c.,) and point
" out some of the passages in the Greek and Roman
" authors to which the poet alludes, in order to render
" Hudibras more mtelligible to persons of the commenta-
" tor's level, men of middling capacity, and limited in-
" formation. To such, if his remarks shall be founG
" useful and acceptable, he will be content, though they
" should appear trifling iu the estimation of the more
" learned."
Dr. Nash added plates* from designs by Hogarth and
La Guerre to his edition, but it may be thought without
increasing its intrinsic value. The Pencil has never
successfully illustrated Hudibras ; perhaps the wit, the
humor, and the satire of Butler have naturally, fro:n
" perior ; of the truth of which remark the writer of tliis article
" could produce abundant proof from a personal intercourse of
" long continuance ; and which he sincerely laments has now
" an end. — K." — Ocntlemaii's Magazine.
* Dr. Nash thus mentions them: "The engravings in this
" edition are chiefly taken from Hogarth's designs, an artist
" whose genius, in some respects, was congenial to that of our
" poet, though here he cannot plead the merit of originality, so
" much as in some other of his works, having borrowed a great
"deal from the small prints in the duodecimo edition of niO.f
" Some plates are added from original designs, and some from
" drawings by La Guerre, now in my possession, and one print
" representing Oliver Cromwell's guard-room, from an e.xcellenl
" picture by Dobson, very obligingly communicated by my wor-
" thy friend, Robert Bromley, Esq., of Abberley-lodge, in Wor-
" cestershire ; the picture being seven feet long, and four high,
" it is difficult to give the likenesses upon so reduced a scale,
" but the artists have done themselves credit by preserving the
"characters of each figure, and the features of each face more
" exactly than could be expected : the picture belonged to Mr.
" Walsh, the poet, and has always been called Oliver Crom-
" well's guard-room : the figures are certainly portraits; but I
" leave it to the critics in that line to find out the originals.
'' When I first undertook this work, it was designed that the
" whole should be comprised in two volumes : the first compre-
" hending the pnem, the second the notes, but the thickness of
' (he paper, and size of the type, obliged the binder to divide
" eacli volume into two tomes ; this has undesignedly increased
"the number of tomes, and the price of the work." [In this
edition the notes are placed under the text.]
t "Hogarth was born in 1698, nnd the pdiiioii of Hudibras, with hia cut*
published 1726."
ADVERTISEMFNT. 7
their general application, not sufficient of a local habita-
tion and a name to be embodied by the painter's art.
To some few of the notes explanatory of phrases and
words, the printer has ventured to make trifling additions,
which he has placed within brackets that they may not
be supposed to be Dr. Nash's, though had the excellent
dictionary of the truly venerable Archdeacon Todd, and
the Glossary of the late Archdeacon Nares, from which
they are principally taken, been in existence in 1793,
there can be little doubt but Dr Nash would have
availed himself of them.
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SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ,
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
The life of a retired scholar can furnish but little
matter to the biographer: such was the character of
Mr. Samuel Butler, author of Hudibras. His father,
whose name likewise was Samuel, had an estate of his
own of about ten pounds yearly, which still goes by the
name of Butler's tenement : he held, likewise, an estate
of three hundred pounds a year, under Sir William
Russel, lord of the manor of Strensham, in Worcester-
shire.* He was not an ignorant farmer, but wrote a
very clerk-like hand, kept the register, and managed
all the business of the parish under the direction of his
landlord, near whose house he lived, and from whom,
very probably, he and his family received instruction
and assistance. From his landlord they imbibed their
principles of loyalty, uS Sir William was a most zealous
royalist, and spent great part of his fortune in the cause,
being the only person exempted from the benefit of the
treaty, when Worcester surrendered to the parliament
in the year 1646. Our poet's father was churchwarden
of the parish the year before his son Samuel was born,
and has entered his baptism, dated February 8, 1612,
with his own hand, in the parish register. He had four
sons and three daughters, born at Strensham ; the three
daughters, and one son older than our poet, and two
* This information came from Mr. Gresley, rector of Strens-
ham, from the year 1706 to the year 1773, when he died, aged
100 : so that he was bom seven years before the poet died
10 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
sons younger : none of his descendants remain in th«
parish, though some of them are said to be in the neigh-
boring villages.
Our author received his first rudiments of learning a*
home ; he was afterwards sent to the college school at
Worcester, then taught by Mr. Henry Bright,* pre-
bendary of that cathedral, a celebrated scholar, and
many years the famous master of the King's school
there ; one who made his business his delight ; and,
though in veiy easy circumstances, continued to teach
for the sake of doing good, by benefiting the families of
the neighboring gentlemen, who thought themselves
happy in having their sons instructed by him.
How long Mr. Butler continued under his care is not
known, but, probably, till he was fourteen years old
* Mr. Bright is buried in the cathedral church of Worcester,
near the north pillar, at the foot of the steps which lead to the
choir. He was born 1502, appointed schoolmaster 1586, made
prebendary 1619, died 1G26. The inscription in capitals, on a
mural stone, now placed in what is called tlie Bisliop's Chapel
is as follows :
Slane hospes et lepe,
Magister HENRICUS BRIGHT,
Celeberriinus gymnasiarcha.
Qui scholoB refiiiB istic fundatse per totos 40 annos
suinma cum laude prajfuit,
Guo non alter inagis sedulus 'uit, scitusve, ac dexter,
in Latinis Gra-cis Hebraicis litteris,
feliciter edocendis :
Teste utraqne academia quarn iiistruxit affatim
numerosa plebe literaria:
Bed et totidem annis eoque anipllus theologiam professus
Et hujus ecclesire per septennium canonicus major,
Saipissime hie et alibi sacrum dei praeconem
magno cum zelo et fructu egit.
Vir pins, doctus, integer, frugi, de republica
deque ecclesia optima uieritus.
A laboribus per diu noctuque ab anno 1562
ad 16-26 strenue usque exantlatis
4° Martii suaviler requievit
in Domino.
See this epitaph, written by Dr. Joseph Hall, dean of Worces-
ter, in Fuller's Worthies, p. 177.
I have endeavored to revive the memory of this great and
good teacher, wishing to excite a laudable emulation in our
provincial sclioolmasters ; a race of men, who, if they execute
their trust with abilities, industry, and in a proper manner, de-
serve the highest honor and patronage their country can bestow,
as they have an opportunity of communicating learning, at a
moderate expense, to the middle rank of gentry, without the
danger of ruining their fortunes, and corrupting their morals or
their health : this, though foreign to my present purpose, the
vsspect and affection I bear to my neighbors extorted from me.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 11
Whether he was ever entered at any university is un-
certain. His biographer says he went to Cambridge, but
was never matriculated : Wood, on the autliority of
Butler's brotlier, says, the poet spent six or seven yeara
there ;* but as other tilings are quoted from tiie same
authority, which I beheve to be false, I should very
much suspect the truth of this article. Some expres-
sions, in his works, look as if he were acquainted with
the customs of Oxford. Coursing was a term peculiar
to that university ; see Part iii. c. ii. v. 1244.
Returning to his native country, he entered into the
service of Thomas JefFeries, Esq., of Earls Croombe,
who, being a very active justice of the peace, and a
leading man in the business of the province, his clerk
was in no mean office, but one that required a know-
ledge of the law and constitution of his country, and a
proper behavior to men of every rank and occupation :
besides, in those times, before the roads were made
good, and short visits so much in fashion, every large
family was a community within itself: the upper ser-
vants, or retainers, being often the younger sons of
gentlemen, were treated as friends, and the whole family
dined in one common hall, and had a lecturer or clerk,
who, during meal times, read to them some useful or
entertaining book.
Mr. JefFeries's family was of this sort, situated in a
retired part of the country, surrounded by bad roads,
the master of it residing constantly in Worcestershire.
Here Mr. Butler had the advantage of living some time
in the neighborhood of his own family and friends : and
having leisure for indulging his inclinations for learning,
he probably improved himself very much, not only in
the abstruser branches of it, but in the pohte arts : here
he studied painting, in the practice of which indeed his
proficiency was but moderate ; for I recollect seeing at
Earls Croombe, in my youth, some portraits said to bo
painted by him, which did him no great honor as an
artist.T I have heard, lately, of a portrait of Oliver
Cromwell, said to be painted by our author.
* His residing in the neighborhootl might, perhaps, occasion
the idea of his having been at Cambridge.
t In his MS. Common-place book is the following observation ;
It is more difficult, and requires a greater mastery of art in
painting, to foreshorten a figure exactly, than to draw three at
their just length ; so it is, in writing, to express any thing natu
lally and briefly, than to enlarge and dilate •
12 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
Al'ter continuiiisr some time in this service, he was
recommended to Elizabeth Countess of Kent, who lived
at Wresl, in Bedfordsliir*. Here he enjoyed a literary
retreat during great part of the civil wars, and here
probably laid the groundwork of his Hudibras, as ho
had the benefit of a good collection of books, and the
society of that living library, the learned Selden. His
biographers say, he lived also in the service of Sir Samuel
Luke, of Cople Hoo Farm, or Wood End, in that
county, and that from him he drew the character of
Hudibras :* but such a prototype was not rare in those
times. We hear little more of Mr. Butler till after the
Restoration: perhaps, as Mr. Selden was left executor
to the Countess, his employment in her affairs might
not cease at her death, though one might suspect by
Butler's MSS. and Remains, that his friendship with
that great man was not witiiout interruption, for his
satirical wit could not be restrained from displaying itself
on some particularities in the character of that eminent
scholar.
Lord Dorset is said to have first introduced Hudibras
to court. November 11, 16G2, the author obtained an
imprimatur, signed J. Berkeuhead, for printing his poem ;
accordingly m the following year he published the first
part, containing 125 pages. Sir Roger L'Estrange grant-
ed an imprimatur for the second part of Hudibras, by
And therefore a judicious authnr's lilots
Are more ingenious than his tirst free thouglits.
This, and many other passages from Butler's MSS. are inserted,
not so much for their intrinsic merit, as to please those who are
unwilling to lose one drop of that immortal man; as Garrick
says of Shatvspeare :
It is my pride, my joy, my only plan,
To h)se no drop of that immortal man.
* The Lukes were an ancient family at Cople, three miles
south of Bedford : in the church are many monuments to the
family an old one to the memory of Sir Walter Luke knight,
one of the ju~;tices of the pleas, holden hefore the iTiost excellent
prince King Henry the Eighth, and daufs Anna his wife: anoth-
er in rememhrance of Nicholas Luke, and liis wife, vvitli five
sons and four daughters.
On a fiat stone in the chancel is written.
Here lieth the hotly of George Luke, Esq. ; he departed tliislife
Feb. 10, 1732, aged 74 years, the last Luke of Wood End.
Sir Samuel Luke was a rigid Presbyterian, and not an eminent
commander under Oliver Cromwell ; probably did not approvo
of the king's trial and execution, and therefore, with other Pres
byterians, boHi he and hi? father Sir Oliver were among the s^
eluded members. See Rushworth's collections
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 13
the author of the first, November 5, 1663, and it waa
printed by T. R. for John Martin, 1664.
In the Mercurius Auliciis, a ministerial jiewspaper,
from January 1, to January 8, 1662, quarto, is an ad-
vertisement saying, that " there is stolen abroad a most
" false and imperfect copy of a poem called Hudibras,
" without name either of printer or bookseller ; the true
" and perfect edition, printed by the author's original, is
*' sold by Richard Marriott, near St. Dunstan's Church,
" in Fleet-street ; that other nameless impression is a
" cheat, and will but abuse the buyer, as well as the
" author, whose poem deserves to have fallen into better
" hands." Probably many other editions were soon af-
ter printed : but the first and second parts, with notes to
both parts, were printed for J. Martin and H. Herring-
ham, octavo, 1674. The last edition of the third part,
before the author's death, was printed by the same per-
sons in 1678 : this I take to be the last copy corrected by
himself, and is that from which this edition is in general
printed: the third part had no notes put to it during the
author's life, and who furnished them after his death is
not known.
In the British Museum is the original injunction by
authority, signed John Berkenhead, forbidding any print-
er, or other person whatsoever to print Hudibras, or any
part thereof, without the consent or approbation of Sam-
uel Butler, (or Boteler,) Esq.,* or his assignees, given at
Whitehall, 10th September, 1677; copy of this injunc-
tion may be seen in the note.t
It was natural to suppose, that after the restoration,
and the publication of liis Hudibi'as, our poet should have
* Induced by this injunction, and by the office he held as sec-
retary to Richard earl of Carbuiy. lord president of Wales, I have
ventured to call our poet Samuel Butler, Esq.
t CHARLES R.
Our will and pleasure is, and we do hereby strictly charge and
onimand, that no printer, bookseller, stationer, or other person
whatsoever within our kingdom of England or Ireland, do print, re-
print, utter or sell, or CH use to be primed, reprinted, uttered or sold,
%book or pnem called Hudibras, or any part thereof, without the
consent and approbation of Samuel Boteler, Esq., or his as-
signees, as they and every of them will answer the contrary at
.heir perils. Given at our Court at Whitehall, the tenth day of
September, in the year of our Lord God 1677, and in the 29tli
^ear of our reign,
By his Majesty's command,
Jo. BERKENHEAD.
Miscel. Papers, Mus. Bibl. Bircli. No. 4293
Plut. 11. J. original.
14 ON SAMUEL BD TLER, ESQ.,
appeared in public life, and have been rewarded for tha
eminent service his poem did the royal cause ; but his
innate modesty, and studious turn of mind, prevented so-
licitations : never having tasted the idle luxuries of life,
he did not make to himself needless wants, or pine after
imaginary pleasures : his fortune, indeed, was small, and
so was his ambition ; his integrity of life, and modest
temper, rendered him contented. However, there is
good authority for believing that at one time he was grat-
ified with an order on the treasury for 300Z., which is
said to have passed all the offices witliout payment of
fees, and this gave him an opportunity of displaying his
disinterested integrity, by conveying the entire sum im-
mediately to a friend, in trust for the use of his creditors.
Dr. Zachary Pearse,* on the authority of Mr. Lowndes
of the Treasury, asserts, that Mr. Butler received from
Charles the Second an annual pension of lOOL ; add to
this, he was appointed secretary to the lord president of
tjje principality of Wales, and, about the year 1667,
steward of Ludlow castle. With all this, the court was
thought to have been guilty of a glaring neglect in his
case, and the public were scandalized at the ingratitude.
The indigent poets, who have always claimed a prescrip-
tive riglit to live on the munificence of their cotempora-
ries, were tlio loudest in their remonstrances. Dryden,
Oldham, and Otway, while in appearance they com-
plained of the vmrewarded merits of our author, oblique-
ly lamented their private and particular grievances ;
IldTpoKXov Trp6(paaiv, dpSiv 6' avrdv Kt'jit tKa^o; ;t or, as Sal-
hist says, nulli mortalium injuriae sute parvffi videntur.
Mr. Butler's own sense of the disappointment, and the
impression it made on his spirits, are sufficiently marked
by the circumstance of his having twice transcribed the
following distich with some variation in his MS. com-
mon-place book:
To think how Spenser died, how Cowley monrn'd,
How Butler's faith and service were return'd.J
* See Granger's Biographical History of England, octavo, vol.
iv. p. 40.
t Homer— Iliad. 19, ."JOX
t I am aware of a difficulty that maybe started, that the Tra
gcdy of Constanline the Great, to which Otway wrote the pro-
logue, according to Giles Jacob in his poetical Register, was not
Bcted at the Theatre Royal till 1681, four years after our poet's
death, but probably he had seen the MS. or heard the thought,
as both his MSS. differ somewhat from the printed copy.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 15
lu the same MS. he says, " wit is very chargeable,
•• and not to be maintained in its necessary expenses at
'' au ordinary rate : it is the worst trade in the world to
•' live upon, and a commodity that no man thinks he
' has need of, for those who have least believe they havo
" most."
Ingenuity and wit
Do only make the owners fit
For nolhinj;, but to be undone
Much easier than if th' had none.
Mr. Butler spent some time in France, probably wh'3ii
Lewis XIV. was in the height of his glory and vanity :
however, neither the language nor manners of Paris
wore pleasing Jo our modest poet ; some of his observa-
tions may be amusing,,! shall therefore insert them in a
note.* He married Mrs. Herbert : whether she was a
* "The French use so many words, upon all occasions, that
if they did not cut them short in pronunciation, they would grow
tedious and insufferable.
"They infinitely affect rhyme, though it becomes their lan-
guage the worst in the world, and spoils the little sense they
have to make room for it, and make the same syllable rhyme to
itself, which is worse than metal upon metal in heraldry : they
find it much easier to write plays in verse than in prose, for it is
much harder to imitate nature, than any deviation from her ;
and prose requires a more proper and natural sense and expres-
sion than verse, that has something in the stamp and coin to an-
swer for the alloy and want of intrinsic value. I never came
among them, but the following line was in my mind:
Raucaque garrulitas, studiumque inane loquendi ;
for they talk so much, they have not time to think ; and if they
had all the wit in the world, their tongues would run before it.
"The present king of France is building a most stately tri
umphal arch in memory of his victories, and the great actions
which he has performed : but, if 1 am not mistaken, those edifi-
ces which bear that name at Rome, were not raised by the em-
perors vvliose names they bear, (such as Trajan, Titus, &c.,) but
were decreed by the Senate, and built at the expense of the pub-
lic ; for that glory is lost, which any man designs to consecrate
to himself.
"The king takes a very good course to weaken the city of Pa-
ris by adorning of it, and to render it less, by making it appear
greater and more glorious ; for he pulls down whole streets to
make room for his palaces and public structures.
"There is nothing great or magnificent in all the country, that
I have seen, but the buildings and furniture of the king's houses
and the churches; all the rest is mean and paltry.
"The king is necessitated to lay heavy taxes upon his subjects
in his own defence, and to keep them poor, in order to keep then,
quiet ; for if they are suffered to enjoy any plenty, they are natu-
rally so insolent, that they would become ungovernable, and use
him as they have done his predecessors : but he has rendered
himself so strong, that they have no thoughts of attempting any
thing in bis time.
16 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ...
widow, or not, is uncertain ; with her he expected a con-
siderable fortune, but, through various losses, and kna-
very, he found himself disappointed : to this some have
attributed his severe strictures upon the professors of the
law ; but if his censures be properly considered, they will
be found to bear hard only upon tlie disgraceful part of
each profession, and upon false learning in general : this
was a favorite subject with him, but no man had a great-
er regard for,orwas abetterjudgeof the worthy part of the
three learned professions, or learning in general, than
Mr. Butler.
How long he continued in office, as steward of Lud-
low Castle, is not known ; but he lived the latter part
of his life in Rose-street, Covent Garden, in a studiou?
retired manner, and died there ju the year 1680. — He
is said to have been buried at the expense of Mr. Wil-
liam Longueville, though he did not die in debt.
Some of his friends wished to have interred him in
Westminster Abbey with proper solemnity ; but not
finding others willing to contribute to the expense, his
corpse was deposited privately in the yard belonging to
the church of Saint Paul's, Covent Garden, at the west
end of the said yard, on the nortli side, under the wall
of the said church, and under that wail which parts the
yard from the common highway.* I have been thug
particular, because, in the year 1786, when the church
was repaired, a marble monument was placed on the
south side of the church on the inside, by some of the
parishioners, which might tend to mislead posterity as
to the place of his interment : their zeal for the memory
of the learned poet does them honor ; but the writer of
the verses seems to have mistaken the character of Mr.
Butler. The inscription runs thus:
" This little monument was erected in the year 1786,
" by some of the parishioners of Covent Garden, in
" The churchmen overlook all other people as haughtily as the
tnurches and steeples do private houses.
"The French do nothing without ostentation, and the king
himself is not behind with his triumphal arrhes consecrated to
himself, and his impress of the sun, nee pluribus impar.
"The French king having copies of the best pictures from
RoniR, is as a great prince wearing clothes at second hand : the
king in his prodigious charge ol' buildings and furniture does the
same thing to himself that he means to do by Paris, renders him-
self weaker, by endeavoring to appear the more magniticent: lets
go the substance for shadow."
* See Butler's Life, printed before the small edition of Hudl
bras in 1710, and reprinted by Dr. Grey
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 17
" memory of the celebrated Samuel Butler, who waa
" buried in this church, A. D. 1680.
" A few plain men, to pomp and state unknown,
"O'er a poor bard have raised this humble stone,
" Whose wants alone his genius could su'pass,
" Victim of zeal ! the matchless Hudibras .
" What though fair freedom suffer'd in his page,
" Reader, forgive the author for the age !
" How few, alas ! disdain to cringe and cant,
" When 'tis the mode to play the sycophant.
" But, oh ! let all be taught, from Butler's fate,
" Who hope to make their fortunes hy the great,
"That wit and pride are always dangerous things,
" And little faith is due to courts and kmgs."
In the year 1721, John Barber, an eminent printer,
and alderman of London, erected a monument to our
poet in Westminster Abbey ; the inscription is as fol-
lows :
M.S.
Samuelis Butler
Qui StrenshamicE in agro Vigorn. natus 1612,
Obiit Lond. 1680.
Vir doctus imprimis, acer, integer,
Operibus ingenii non item prjemiis felix.
Satyrici apud nos carminis artifex egregius.
Qui simulatte religionis larvam detraxit
Et perduellium scelera liberrime exagitavit,
Scriptoruni in suo genere primus et postremus.
Ne cui vivo deerant fere omnia
Deesset etiam mortuo tumulus
Hoc tandem posito marmore curavit
Johannes Barber civis Londinensis 1721.
On the latter part of this epitaph the ingenious Mr
Samuel Wesley wrote tlie following lines :
While Butler, needy wretch, was yet alive,
No generous patron would a dinner give ;
See him, when starved to death, and turn'd to dust,
Presetted with a monumental bust.
The poet's fate is here in emblem shown,
He ask'd for bread, and he received a stone.
Soon after this monument was erected in Westminster
Abbey, some persons proposed to erect one in Covent
Garden church, for which Mr. Dennis wrote the follow-
iiig inscription :
Near this place lies interr'd
The body of Mr. Samuel Butler,
Author of Hudibras.
He was a whole species of poets in one :
Admirable in a manner
In which no one else has been tolerable :
A manner which began and ended in him,
18 ON SAMUEL BDTLER ESQ.,
In which he knew no guide,
And has found no I'ol lowers.
Nat. 1G12. Ob. I(i80.
Hudibras is Mr. Butler's capital work, and though
the characters, poems, thoughts,, &c., published by Mr.
Thyer, in two volumes octavo, are certainly written by
the same masterly hand, though they abound in lively
Eallies of wit, and display a copious variety of erudition,
yet the nature of the subjects, their not having received
the author's last corrections, and many other reasons
which might be given, render them less acceptable to
the present taste of the public, which no longer relishes
tiie antiquated mode of writing characters, cultivated
when Butler was young, by men of genius, such as
Bishop Earle and Mr. Cleveland ; the volumes, how-
ever, are very useful, as they tend to illustrate many
passages in Hudibras. The three small ones entitled,
Posthumous Works, in Prose and Verse, by Mr. Samuel
Butler, author of Hudibras, printed 1715, 171G, 1717,
are all spurious, except the Pindaric ode on Duval the
highwayman, and perhaps one or two of the prose
pieces. As to the MSS. which after Mr. Butlers death
came into the hands of Mr. Longueville, and from
whence Mr. Tiiycr published his genuine Remains in
the year 1759 ; what remain of them, still unpublished,
are either in the hands of the ingenious Doctor Farmer,
of Cambridge, or myself: for Mr. Butler's Common-place
Book, mentioned by Mr. Thyer, I am indebted to the lib-
eral and public-spirited James Massey, Esq., of Rosthern,
near Knotsford, Cheshire. The poet's frequent and
correct use of law-terms* is a sufficient proof that he
was well versed in that science ; but if further evidence
were wanting, I can produce a MS. purchased of some
of our poet's relations, at the Hay, in Brecknockshire ;
it appears to be a collection of legal cases and principles,
regularly related from Lord Coke's Commentary on
Littleton's Tenures : the language is Norman, or law
French, and, in general, an abridgment of the above-
mentioned celebrated work ; for the authorities in the
margin of the MS. correspond exactly with those given
on the same positions in the first institute ; and the sub-
ject matter contained in each particular section of But-
Jer's legal tract, is to be found in the same numbered
* Butler is said to have been a member of Gray's-inn, and of
t club with Cleveland and other wits inclined to the royal cause
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 19
section of Coke upon Littleton : the first book of the
MS. Hkewise ends with the 84th section, which same
number of sections also terminates the first institute;
and the second book of the IMS. is entitled by Butler,
Le second livre del primer part del institutes de ley
d'Engleterre. The titles of the respective chapters of
the MS. also precisely agree with the titles of each
chapter in Coke upon Littleton ; Jt may, therefore, rea-
sonably be presumed to have been compijed by Butler
solely from Coke upon Littleton, with no other object
than to impress strongly on his mind the sense of that
author; and written in Norman, to familiarize. himself
with the barbarous language in which the learning of
the common law of England was at that period almost
uniformly expressed. The MS. is imperfect, no title
existing, some leaves being torn, and is continued only'
to the 193d section, which is about the middle of Coke's
second book of the first institute.
As another instance of the poet's great industry, I
have a French dictionary, compiled and transcribed by
him : thus did our ancestors, with great labor, draw
truth and learning out of deep wells, whereas our mod-
ern scholars only skim the surface, and pilfer a super-
ficial knowledge from encyclopaedias and reviews. It
doth not appear that he ever wrote for the stage, though
I have, in his MS. Common-place book, part of an un-
finished tragedy, entitled Nero. ,
Concerning Hudibras there is but one sentiment — it
is universally allowed to be the first and last poem of its
kind ; the learning, wit, and humor, certainly stand un-
rivalled ; various have been the attempts to define or
describe the two last ; the greatest English writers have
tried in vain ; Cowley,* Barrow,t Dryden,| Locke, §
Addison, II Pope, IT and Congreve, all failed in their at-
tempts ; perhaps they are more to be felt than explain-
ed, and to be understood rather from example than pre-
cept ; if any one wishes to know what wit and humor
are, let him read Hudibras with attention, he will there
see them displayed in the brightest colors : there is lus-
tre resulting from the quick elucidation of an object, by
* In his Ode on Wit,— t in his Sermon againr.t Foolish Talk
Ing and Jesting, — t in his Preface to an Opera tailed the State
of Innocence,— 5 Essay on Human Understanding, b. ii. c. 2. —
I Spectator, Nos. 35 and 32. — U Essay concerning humor ia
Comedy, and Corbyn Morris's Essay on Wit, Humor, and Rail-
•ery.
20 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
a just and unexpected arrangement of it with another
subject ; propriety of words, and thoughts e/egantly
adapted to the occasion : objects which possess an af-
finity and congruity, or sometimes a contrast to each
other, assembled with quickness and variety ; in short,
every ingredient of wit, or of humor, which critics have
discovered on dissecting them, may be found in this
poem. The reader ntay congratulate himself, that he
is not destitute of taste to relish both, if lie can read it
with delight ; nor would it be presumption to transfer to
this capital author, Quinctilian's enthusiastic praise of a
great Ancient : hunc igitur spectemus, hoc propositum
sit nobis exemplum, ille se profecisse sciat cui Cicero
valde placebit.
Hudibras is to an epic poem, what a good farce is to
a tragedy : persons advanced in years generally prefer
the former, having met with tragedies enough in real
life ; whereas the comedy, or interlude, is a relief from
anxious and disgusting reflections, and suggests such
playful ideas, as wanton round the heart and enliven
the very features.
The hero marches out in search of adventures, to
suppress those sports, and punish those trivial oiFences,
which the vulgar among the royalists were fond of, but
which the Presbyterians and Independents abhorred ;
and which our hero, as a magistrate of the former per-
suasion, thought "it his duty officially to suppress. The
diction is that of burlesque poetry, painting low and mean
persons and things in pompous language, and a mag-
nificent manner, or sometimes levelling sublime and
pompous passages to the standard of low imagery. The
principal actions of the poem are four : Hudibras's vic-
tory over Crowdero — Trulla's victory over Hudibras —
Hudibras's victory over Sidrophel — and the Widow's
anti-masquerade : the rest is made up of the adventures
of the Bear, of the Skimmingtou, Hudibras's conversa-
tions with the Lawyer and Sidrophel, and his long dis-
putations with Ralpho and the Widow. The verse con-
sists of eight syllables, or four feet, a measure which, in
unskilful hands, soon becomes tireiwme, and will ever
be a dangerous snare to meaner and less masterly imi-
tators.
The Scotch, the Irish, the American Hudibras, are
not worth mentioning : the translation into French, by
an Englishman, is curious ; it preserves the sense, but
cannot keep up the humor. Prior seems to have como
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 2i
neaiest the original, though he is sensible of his own iu-
feriority, and says,
But, like poor Andrew, I advance,
False mimic of my master's dance ;
Around the cord awhile I sprawl.
And thence, the' low, in earnest fall.
His Alma is neat and elegant, , and his vei^iification
Bupeiior to Butlers ; but his learning, knowledge, and
wit, by no means equal. Prior, as Dr. Johnson says,
had not Butler's exuberance of matter and variety of
illustration. The spangles of wit which he could afford,
he knew how to polish, but he wanted the bullion of his
master. Hudibras, then, may truly be said to be the
first and last satire of the kind ; for if we examuie Lu-
cian's Tragopodagra, and other dialogues, the Caesars
of Julian, Seneca's Apocolocyntosis,* and some frag-
ments of Varro, the)' will be found very different : the
battle of the frogs and mice, commonly ascribed to Ho-
mer, and the Margites, generally allowed to be his,
prove this species of poetry to be of great antiquity.
The inventor of the modern mock heroic was Ales-
sandro Tassoni, born at Jlodena, 1565. His Secchia
rapita, or Rape of the Bucket, is founded on the popu-
lar account of the cause of the civil war between the
inhabitants of Modena and Bologna, in the time of
Frederic II. This bucket was long preser\'cd, as a
trophy, in the cathedral of Modena, suspended by the
chain which fastened the gate of Bologna, through
which the Modenese forced their passage, ai,J seized
the prize. It is written in the ottava Rima, the solemn^
measure of the Italian heroic poets, has gone through
many editions, and been twice translated into French :
it has, indeed, considerable merit, though the reader
will scarcely see Elena trasformasi in una secchia.
Tassoni travelled into Spain as first secretary to Cardi-
nal Colonna, and died, in an advanced age, in the court
of Francis the First, duke of Modena : he was highly
esteenied for his abilities and extensive learning ; but^
like Mr. Butler's, his wit was applauded, and uure-
* Or the mock deification of Claudius ; a hurlesque of Apothe-
osis or Anathanatosis. Reimarus renders it, nnn inter deos sed
Inter fatuos relatio, and quotes a proverb from Apuleius, Colo-
cyntEB caput, for a fool. Colocynta is ujetaphorically put for any
thing unusually large. X/jfuai KoXoKVvTuts, in the Clouds of
Aristophanes, is to have the eye swelled by an obstruction sj
«ig as a gourd.
22- ON SAMUtL BUTLER, ESQ.,
warded, as appears from a portrait of him, with a fig io
his hand, under which is written the following distich :
Dextera cur ficnm qiireris mea gestat inanem,
Longi operis merces haec fuit, Aula dedit.
The next successful imitators of the mock-heroic,
have been Boileau, Garth, and Pope, whose respective
works are too generally known, and too justly admired,
to require, at this time, description or encomium. The
Pucelie d'Orleans of Voltaire may be deemed an imita-
tion of Hudibras, and is written in somewhat the same
metre ; but the latter, upon the whole, must be con-
sidered as an original species of poetry, a composition
sui generis.
Unde nil majus generatur ipso ;
Ncc viget quidquam simile aut secundum.
Hudibras has been compared to the Satyre Menippde
de la vertu du Catholicon d'Espagne, first published in
France in the year 1593 ; the subject indeed is some-
what similar, a violent civil war excited by religious
zeal, and many good men made the dupes of state poli-
ticians. After the death of Henry IH. of France, the
Duke do Mayence called together the states of the
kingdom, to elect a successor, there being many pre-
tenders to the crown ; these intrigues were the founda-
tion of the Satire of Menippee, so called from Menippus
a cynic philosophy, and rough satirist, introducer of the
burlesque species of dialogue. In this work are unveiled
tlie different views and interests of the several actors in
those bi'4sy scenes, who, under the pretence of public
good, consulted only theif private advantage, passions,
and prejudices.
The book, which aims particularly at the Spanish
party,* went through various editions from its first pub-
* It is sometimes called Higuero del infierno, or the fig-tree of
flell, alluding to the violent part the Spaniards took in the civil
wars of France, and in allusion to the title of Seneca's Apocolo-
cyntosis. By this tig-tree the author perhaps means the won
derful bir or banian described by Milton.
The fig-tree, not that kind for fruit renown'd,
But sucli as at this day to Indians known
In Malabar or Dccan, spreads his arms,
Branching so broad and long, that in the ground
The bended twigs take root, and daughters grow
About the mother tree ; a pillar'd shade
High over-arch'd, and echoing walks between.
AUTHOR OF HUD113KAS. 23
lication to 1726, when it was printed at Ralisbone in
three vokimes, with copious notes and index : it is still
studied by antiquaries with delight, and in its day was
as much admired as Hudibras. D'Aubign6 says of it,
il passe pour un chef d'ceuvre en son gendre, et fut hie
avec une egale avidite, et avec un plaisir merveilleux
par les royalistes, par les pohtiques, par les Huguenots
et par les ligueurs de toutes les especes.*
M. de Thou's character of it is equally to its advan-
tage. The principal author is said to be Monsieur le
Roy, sometime chaplain to the Cardinal de Bourbon,
wliom Thuanus calls vir bonus, et a factione smmnc
alienus.
This satire differs widely from our author's : like those
of Varro, Seneca, and Julian, it is a mixture of verse and
prose, and though it contains much wit, and Mr. Butler
had certainly read it with attention, yet he cannot be
said to imitate it : tlie reader will perceive that our poet
had in view Don Quixote, Spenser, the Italian poets,
together with the Greek and Roman classics : but very
rarely, if ever, alludes to Milton, though Paradise Lost
was published ten years before the third part of Hu-
dibras.
Other sorts of burlesque have been published, such
as the Carmina Macaronica, the Epistolae Obscurorum
Virorum, Cotton's Travesty, &c., but these are efforts
Mr. Ives, in his Journey from Persia, thus speaks of this won-
derful vegetable: "This is the Indian sacred tree; it grows to a
'•|irodi£ious height, and Its branches spread a great way. The
" limbs drop down fibrous, which take root, and become another
"tree, united by its brandies to the first, and so continue to do,
"until the tree cover a great extent of ground ; the arches which
"those different stocks make are Golhic, like those we see in
" Westminster Abbey, the stocks not being single, but appearing
"as if composed of many stocks, are of a great circumference
"There is a certain solemnity accompanying these trees, nor da
"I remember that I was ever under the cover of any of them,
" but that my mind was at the time impressed with a reverential
'' awe." From hence it seems, that both these authors thought
Gothic architecture similar to embowered rows of trees.
The Indian fig-tree is described as of an immense size, capable
of shading 800 or 1,000 men, and some of them 3,000 persons.
In Mr. Marsden's History of Sumatra, the following is an account
of the dimensions of a remarkable banyan-tree near Banjer,
twenty miles west of Patna, in Bengal. Diameter 363 to 375
feet, circumference of its shadow at nonn 1,116 feet, circuniler-
ence of the several stems, (in number 50 or GO,) 911 feet.
* Henault says of this work, Peut-6tre que la satire Menipp68
ne fut gueres moins utile cl Henri IV. que la bataille d'lvri: le
ridicule a plus de force qu'on ne croit
24 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.
of genius of no great importance. Man}' burlesque and
satirical poems, and prose compositions, were published
in France between tlie years 1593 and 1660, the au-
thors of which were Rabelais,* Scarron, and others;
the Cardinal is said to have severely fe)t the Maza-
renade.
A popular song or poem has alw ays had a wonderful
effect ; the following is an excellent one from jEschylus,
sung at the battle of Salamis, at which he was present,
and engaged in the Athenian squadron.
a TTa7Ses 'THWiJvoiv ire,
eXtvdcpovTs TraTp[S\ iXevOepovrt Hi
rraliai, yvva^Kas, QcHv tz Tiarp(oii)v cSr],
di'jKai Tt TTpoy6v(i>v' vvv VKip Tzavrtav aydv.
^sch. Persae, 1. 400.
The ode of Callistratus is supposed to have done em-
inent service, by commemorating the delivery, and pre-
venting the return of that tyranny in Athens, which
was liappily terminated by the death of Hipparchus,
and expulsion of the Pisistratidai ; I mean a song which
was sung at their feasts beginning,
Ev fivpTOV xXaii to ^itpos (popijorb),
uffjrfp Apjioiios K Apt^oysiTwi',
Htc tov Tvpavvov KTaveTrjv,
laovdpov; r' AB/iva; eTTOirjadrrjv,
And ending,
Aa CT0(3i kXios e(jacTai Kar' ajav,
(piXrad' AppdiiC k' Api^dyeirov,
Sti tov Tvpavvov ktuvctov
l(Sov6jiov% t Adf/vas eTroitjiraTov.
Of this song the learned Lowth says, Si post idus illas
Martias e Tyrannocloais quispiam tale aliquod carmen
plebi tradidisset, inque suburram, et fori circulos, ct in
ora vulgi intulisset, actum profecto fuisset de partibus
deque domiuatione Ccesarum : plus mehercule valuisset
uuuui Appoiiov fiiXoi quam Ciceronis PhilippicjB omues ;
and again, Num verendum erat ne quis tyrannidem
Pisistratidarum Athenis instaurare auderet, ubi cantita-
retur ^xoXtov illud Callistrati. — See also Israelitarum
ETTivf/cioi', Isaiah, chapter xiv.
Of this kind was the famous Irish song called Lilli-
* [Probably a misprint. Rabelais died in 1553, and his work
was first published at Lyons in 1533.1
AUTHOR OF UUDIBKAS. 85
burlero, which just before the Revolution in 1G88, had
6uch an effect, tiiat Burnet says, " a foolisli ballad was
" made at that time, treating Uie papists, and chietly
"the Irish, in a very ridiculous manner, which had a
" burthen said to be Irish wcrdt', Loro loro hliibarlero,
" that made an impression on tho (king's) army that
" cannot be imagined by those that saw it not. The
" whole army, and at last the people, both in city and
"country, were singing it perpetually: and perhaps
" never had so slight a thing so good an effect." Of
this kind in modern days was the song of God save
great George our king, and the Ca ira of Paris. Thus
wonderfully did Hudibras operate in beating down the
hypocrisy, and false patriotism of his time. Mr. Hay-
ley gives a character of him in four lines with great
propriety :
"Unrivall'd Butler ! blest with linppy skill
"To heal by comic verse each seriGas ill,
" By wit's strong flashes reason'.s lif:ht dispense,
" And laugh a frantic nation into sense."
For one great object of our poet's satire is to unmask
the hypocrite, and to exhibit, in a light at once odious
and ridiculous, the Presbyterians and Independents, and
all other sects, which in our poet's days amounted to
near two hundred, and were enemies to the King ; but
his further view was to banter all the false, and even all
the suspicious pretences to learning that prevailed in his
time, such as astrology, sympathetic medicine, alchymy,
transfusion of blood, trifling experimental philosophy,
fortune-telling, incredible relations of travellers, false
wit, and injudicious affectation of ornament to be found
in the poets, romance writers, &c. ; thus he frequently
alludes to Purchas's Pilgrim, Sir Kenelm Digby's books,
Bulwer's Artificial Changeling, Brown's Vulgar Errors,
Burton's Melancholy, the early transactions of the Royal
Society, the various pamphlets and poems of his time,
&c., &c. These books, though now little known, were
much reat and admired in our author's days. The ad-
venture with the widow is introduced in conformity with
other poets, both heroic and dramatic, who hold that no
poem can be perfect which hath not at least one Epi-
sode of Love.
It is not worth while to inquire, if the charactera
painted under the fictitious names of Hudibras, Crow
dero, Orsin, Talgol, Trulla, &c , were drawn from reaj
life, or whether Sir Roger L'Estrange's key to Hudi-
2
26 ON SAMUEL BUILER, ESQ.,
bras be a true oue ; it matters )iot whether the here v;ere
designed as the picture of Sir Samuel Luke, Col. .ioUs,
or Sir Henry Rosewell, he is, in the language of Dr fdeu,
knight of the Shire, and represents them all, that is, the
whole body of the Presbyterians, as Ralplio does that of
the Independents: it would be degrading the liberal
spirit and universal genius of ]\Ir. Butler, to narrow his
general satire to a particular libel on any characters,
however marked and prominent. To a single rogue, or
blockhead, he disdained to stoop ; the vices and follies
of the age in wliich he lived, (et quando uberior vitiorum
copia,) were the quarry at which he fled ; these he con-
centrated, and embodied in the' persons of Hudibras,
Ralpho, Sidrophel, &c., so that each character in this
admirable poem should be considered, not as an individ-
ual, but as a species.
It is not generally known, that meanings still more
remote and chimerical than mere personal allusions,
have been discovered in Hudibras ; and the poem would
have wanted one of those marks which distinguish works
of superior merit, if it had not been supposed to be a
perpetual allegory : writers of eminence. Homer, Plato,
and even the Holy Scriptures themselves, have been
most wretchedly misrepresented by commentators of
this cast ; and it is astonishing to observe to what a de-
gree Heraclides* and Proclus,t Philot and Origen, have
lost sight of their usual good sense, when they have
* The AUegoriiE HomericBB, Gr. Lat., published by Dean Gale,
Anist. 1C88, though usually ascribed to Heraclides Ponticus, the
Platonist, must be the woricof a more recent author, as the Dean
has jiroved : his real name seems to have been Heraclitus, (not
the philosopher,) and nothing more is known of him, but that
Eustathius often cites him in his comment on Homer: the tract,
however, is elegant and agreeable, and may be read with im-
pi ovement and pleasure.
t Proclus, the most learned philosopher of the fifth century,
left among other writings numerous comments on Plato's works
Mill subsisting, so stuffed with allegorical absurdities, that few
who have perused two periods, will have patience to venture
<m a third. In this, he only follows the example of Atticus, and
ijiany others, whose interpretations, as wild as his own he care-
fully examines. He sneers at the famous Longinus w.th much
contempt, for adhering too servilely to the literal meaning of
Plato.
t Philo the Jew discovered many mystical senses in the Pen-
tateuch, and from him, perhaps, Origen learned his anhappy
knack of allegorizing both Old and Kew Testament. This, in
justice, however, is due to Origen, that while he is hunting after
abstruse senses, he doth not neglect the literal, but is sometimes
bappy in his criticisms
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 27
allowed themselves to depart from the obvious and literal
meaning of the text, which they pretend to explain.
Thus some have thought that tlie hero of the piece was
intended to lepresent the parliament, especially that part
of it which favored the Presbyterian discipline ; when
in the stocks, he personates the Presbyterians after they
had lost their power; his first exploit is against tiie bear,
whom he routs, which represents the parliament getting
the better of the king : after this great victory, ho courts
a widow for her jointure, that is, the riclies and power
of the kingdom ; being scorned by her, he retires, hat
the revival of hope to the royalists draws forth both
him and his squire, a little before Sir George Booth's
insurrection. Magnano, Cerdon, Talgol, &lc., though
described as butchers, coblers, tinkers, were designed as
officers in the parliament army, whose original profes-
sions, perhaps, were not much more noble : some have
imagined Magnano to be the duke of Albemarle, and
his getting thistles from a barren land, to allude to his
power in Scotland, especially after the defeat of Booth.
Trulla his wife, Crowdero Sir George Booth, whose
bringing in of Bruin alludes to his endeavors to restore
the kiug: his oaken leg, called the better one, is the
king's cause, his other leg the Presbyterian discipline ;
his fiddle-case, which in sport they hung as a trophy
on the whipping-post, the directory. Ralplio, they say,
represents the parliament of Independents, called Bare-
bones Parliament ; Bruin is sometimes the royal person,
sometimes the king's adherents ; Orsiu represents the
royal party — Talgol the city of Loudon — Colon the
bulk of the people : all these joining together against
the knight, represent Sir George Booth's conspiracy,
with Presbyterians and royalists, against the parliament :
their overthrow, through the assistance of Ralph, means
the defeat of Booth by the assistance of the Independ-
ents and otiier fanatics. These ideas are, perhaps, only
the phrensy of a wild imagination, though there may be
some lines that- seem to favor the conceit.
Diyden and Addison have censured Butler for his
double rhymes ; the latter nowhere argues worse than
upon this subject: "If," says he, "the thought in the
" couplet be good, the rhymes add little to it ; and if
" bad, it will not be in the power of rhyme to recom-
" mend it. I am afraid that great numbers of those
" who admire the incomparable Hudibras, do it more on
" account of these doggerel rhymes, than the parts thaJ
28 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
"really deserve admiration."* This reflection aflecta
equally all sorts of rhyme, which certaiuly can add
nothing to the sense ; but double rhymes are like the
whimsical dress of Harlequin, which does not add to
his wit, but sometimes increases the humor and drollery
of it : they are not sought for, but, when they come
easily, are always diverting: they. are so seldom found
in Hudibras, as hardly to be an object of censure, espe-
cially as the diction and the rhyme both suit well with
the character of the hero.
It must be allowed that our poet doth not exliibit his
hero with the dignity of Cervantes ; but the principal
fault of the poem is, that the parts are unconnected,
and the story not interesting : tiie reader may leave oiF
without being anxious for the fate of his hero ; he sees
only disjecta membra poetas ; but we should remember,
that the parts were published at long intervals,! and
that several of the different cantos were designed as
satires on different subjects or extravagancies. What
the judicious Abbe du Bos has said respecting Ariosto,
may be true of Butler, that, in comparison with him.
Homer is a geometrician : the poem is seldom read a
second time, often not a first in regular order ; that is,
by passing from the first canto to the second, and so ou
in succession. Spenser, Ariosto, and Butler, did not live
in an age of planning ; the last imitated the former
poets — " his poetry is the careless exuberance of a witty
" imagination and great learning."
Fault has likewise been found, and perhaps justly,
with the too frequent elisions, the harshness of thb num-
bers, and the leaving out the signs of our substantives ;
his inattention to grammar and syntax, which, in some
passages, may have contributed to obscure his meacing,
as the perplexity of others arises from the amazing fruit-
fuhiess of his imagination, and extent of his reading.
Most writers have more words than ideas, and the reader
wastes much pains with them, and gets little informa-
tion or amusement. Butler, on the contrary, has more
ideas than words, his wit and learning crowd so fast
upon !iim, that he cannot find room or time to arrange
them : hence his periods become sometimes embarreissed
and obscure, and his dialogues are too long. Our poet
has been charged with obscenity, evil-speaking, and
* Spectator, No. CO.
t The Epislle to Sidrophel, not till many years after the canto
<o which it is annexed.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 2y
profaneness ; but satirists will take liberties. Juvenal,
and that elegant poet Horace, must plead his cause, so
far as the accusation is well founded.
Some apology may be necessary, or expected, when
a person advanced in years, and without the proper
qualifications, shall undertake to publish, and comment
upon, one of the most learned and ingenious writers in
our language ; and, if the editor's true and obvious mo-
tives will not avail to excuse him, he must plead guilty.
The frequent pleasure and amusement he had received
from the perusal of the poem, naturally bred a respect
for the memory and character of the author, whi.;h is
further endeared to him by a local relation to the coun-
ty, and to the parish, so highly honored by the birth of
Mr. Butler. These considerations induced him to at-
tempt an edition, more pompous perhaps, and expensive,
than was necessary, but not too splendid for the merit
of the work. While Shakspeare, Milton, Waller, Pope,
and the rest of our English classics, appear with every
advantage that either printing or criticism can supply,
why should not Hudibras share those ornaments at least
with tiiem which may be derived from the present im-
proved state of typography and paper ? Some of the
dark allusions, in Hudibras, to history, voyages, and the
abstruser parts of what was then called learning, the
author himself was careful to explain in a series of notes
to the first two parts ; for the annotations to the third
part, as has been before obsei-ved, do not seem to come
from the same hand. In most other respects, the poem
may be presumed to have been tolerably clear to the or-
dinary class of readers at its first publication : but, in a
course of years, the unavoidable fluctuations of language,
the disuse of customs then familiar, and the oblivion
which hath stolen on facts and characters then com-
monly known, have superinduced an obscurity on seve-
ral passages of tiie work, which did noU originally be-
long to it. The principal, if not tiie sole view, of the
annotations now offered to the public, hath been to re-
move these difficulties, and point out some of the passa-
ges in the Greek and Roman authors to which the poet
alludes, in order to render Hudibras more intelligible to
persons of the commentator's level, men of middling
capacity, and limited information. To such, if his re-
marks shall be found useful and acceptable, he will bo
content, though they should appear trifling in the esti-
mation of the more learned.
30 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
It is extraordinary, that for above a hundred and
twenty years, only one commentator hath furnished
notes of any considerable length. Doctor Grey had va-
rious friends, particularly Bishop Warburton, Mr. Byron,
and several gentlemen of Cambridge, who communica-
ted to him learned and ingenious observations : these
have been occasionally adopted without scruple, have
been abridged, or enlarged, or altered, as best consisted
with a plan, somewhat different from the doctor's ; but
in such a manner as to preclude any other than a gene-
ral acknowledgment from the infinite perplexity that a
minute and particular reference to them at every turn,
would occasion ; nor has the editor been without the as-
sistance of his friends.
It is well known in Worcestershire, that long before
the appearance of Doctor Grey's edition, a learned and
worthy clergyman of that county, after reading Hudi-
bras with attention, had compiled a set of observations,
with design to reprint the poem, and to subjoin his own
remarks. By the friendship of his descendants, the
present publisher hath been favored with a sight of those
papers, and though, in commenting on the same work,
the annotator must unavoidably have coincided with,
and been anticipated by Dr. Grey in numerous instan-
ces, yet much original infonnation remained, of which
a free and unreserved use hath been made in the fol-
lowing sheets ; but he is forbid any further acknowledg-
ment.
He is likewise much obliged to Dr. Loveday, of Wil-
liamscot, near Banbury, the worthy son of a worthy
father ; the abilities and correctness of the former can
be equalled only by the learning and critical acumen of
the latter. He begs leave likewise to take this opportu-
nity of returning his thanks to his learned and worthy
neighbor Mr. Ingraham, from whose conversation much
information and entertainment has been received on
many subjects.
Mr. Samuel Westley, brother to the celebrated John
Westley, had a design of publishing an edition of Hudi-
bras with notes. He applied to Lord Oxford for the use
of his books in his library, and his Lordship wrote him
the following obliging answer from Dover-street, August
7, 1734 — "I am very glad you was reduced to read
" over Hudibras three times with care : I find you are
" perfectly of my mind, that it much wants notes, and
" that it will be a great work ; certainly it will be, to do
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 31
" it as it should be. I do uot know, one so capable of
" doing it as yourself. I speak this very sincerely.
" Lilly's life I have, and any books that I have you
" shall see, and have the perusal of them, and any other
" part that I can assist. I own I am very fond of the
" woi-k, and it would be of excellent use and entertain-
" ment.
" The news you read in the papers of a match with
" my daughter and the Duke of Portland was completed
" at Mary-le-bonne chapel," &c.*
What progress he made in the work, or what became
of his notes, I could never learn.
* Extract of a letter from Lord Oxford, taken from original let-
ters by the Reverend John Westley and his friends, illustrative
of his early history, published by Joseph Priestlev. LL. D^
printed at Birmingham 1T91
PART I. CANTO I
THE ARGUMENT.
Sir Hudibras* his passing worth
The manner how he sally'd forth ;
His arms and equipage are shown ;
His horse's virtues and his own.
Th' adventure of the bear and fiddle
Is sung, but breaks off in the middle.t
* Butler probably took this name from Spenser's Fairy Quoen,,
B. ii. C. ji. St. 17.
He that made love unto the eldest dame
Was hight Sir Hudihras, an hardy man ;
Yet not so good of deeds, as gre;.l of name,
Which he by many rash adventures wan,
Since errant arms to sew he first began.
Gcoffrj' of Monmouth mentions a British king of this name,
though some have supposed it derived from the French, Hugo,
Hu de Bras, signifying Hugh the powerful, or with the strong
arm : thus Fortinl)ras, Firebras.
In the Grub-street Journal, Col. Rolls, a Devonshire gentle-
man, is said to be satirized under the character of Hudihras;
and it is asserted, that Hugh de Bras was the name of the old
tutelar saint iif that county: but it is idle to look for personal
reflections in a poem designed for a general satire on hypocrisy,
enthusiasm, and false learning.
t Bishop Warburton observes very justly, that tliis is a ridi-
cule on Ronsard's Franciade and Sir VVilliam Daveuint's Gcn-
dibert.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO T.
When civil fury first grew high,* »
And men fell out, they knew not why ;t
When hard words, jealousies, and fears,t
Set folks together by the ears,
* In the first edition of the first part of this poem, printed
separately, we read dudgeon. But on the publication of the sec-
ond part, when the first was reprinted with several additions
and alterations, the word dudgeon was changed to fury; as ap-
pears in a copy corrected by the author's own hand. The pub-
lisher in 1704, and the subsequent ones, have taken the liberty
of correcting the author's copy, restored the word dudgeon, and
many other readings : changing them, I think I may say, for the
worse, in several passages. Indeed, while the Editor of 1704
replaces this word, and contends for it, he seems to show its im-
propriety. " To take in dudgeon," says he, " is inwardly to re-
" sent, a sort of grumbling in the gizzard, and what was previous
" to actual fury." Yet in the next lines we have men falling
out, set togetlier by the ears, and fighting. I doubt not but the
inconsistency of these expressions occurred to the author, and
induced him to change the word, that his sense might be clear,
and the sera of his poem certain and uniforjn. — Dudgeor. in its
primitive sense, signifies a dagger ; and figuratively, such hatred
and sullenness as occasion men to employ short concealed
weapons. Some readers may be fond of the word dudgeon; as
a burlesque term, and suitable, as they think, to the nature of
the poem : but the judicious critic will observe, that the poet is
not always in a drolling humor, and might not think fit to fall
into it in the first line : he chooses his words not by the oddness
or uncouthness of the sound, but by the propriety of their sig-
nification. Besides, the word dudgeon, in the figurative sense,
though not in its primitive one, is generally taken for a monoptoJe
in the ablative case, to take in dudgeon, which might be another
reason why the poet changed it into fury. See line 379.
t Dr. PerrincheiPs Life of Charles I. says, " There will never
" be wanting, in any country, some discontented spirits, and
"some designing craftsmen : but when these confusions began,
" the more part knew not wherefore they were come together."
X Hard words — Probably the jargon and cant-words used by
the Presbyterians, and other sectaries. They called themselves
the elect, the saints, the predestinated : and their opponents
they called Papists, Prelatists, ill-designing, reprobate, profligatCi
&c &c
34 HUDIBRAS. [P^kt i
And made them fight, like mad or drunk, 5
For dame Religion as for Punk ;*
"In the body politic, when the spiritaal and windy power
'■ movolh the members of a commonwealth, and by strange and
" hard words suffocates their understanding, it must needs there-
" by distract the people, and either overwhelm the common-
wealth with oppression, or cast it into the fire of a civil war "
HOBBES.
Jealovsies — Bishop Burnet, in the house of lords, on the firft
article of the impeachment of Sacheverel, says, " The true oc
" casion of the war was a jealousy, that a conduct of fifteen
"years had given too much ground for; and that was still kept
" up by a fatal train of errors in every step." See also the king's
speech, Dec. 2, 1G41.
And fears — Of superstition and Popery in the church, and of
arbitrary power and tyranny in the state : and so prepossessed
were many persons with these fears, that, like the hero of this
poem, they would imagine a bear-baiting lo be a deep design
against the religion and liberty of the country. Lord Clarendon
tells us, that the English were the happiest people under the
sun, while the king was undisturbed in the administration of
justice ; but a too much felicity had made them unmanageable
by moderate government ; a long peace having softened almost
all the noblesse into court pleasures, and made the commoners
insolent by great plenty.
King Charles, in the fourth year of his reign, tells the lords,
" We have been willing so far to descend to the desires of our
" good subjects, as fully to satisfie all moderate minds, and free
' them from all just fears and jealousies." The words jealousies
and fears, were bandied between the king and the parliament in
all their papers, before the absolute breaking out of the war
They were used by the parliament to the king, in thetr petition
for the militia, March 1, 1G41-2 ; and by the king in his answer :
"You speak of jealousies and fears, lay your hands to your
" hearts and ask yourselves, whether I may not be disturbed
" with jealousies and fears." And the parliament, in their de-
claration to the king at Newmarket, March 9, say, ' Those fears
" and jealousies of ours which your majesty thinks to be cause-
'■' less, and without just ground, do necessarily and clearly arise
" from those dangers and distempers into which your evil coun-
" cils have brought us : but those other fears and jealousies of
" yours, have no foundation or subsistence in any action, inten
' tion, or miscarriage of ours, but are merely grounded on false
' hood and malice."
The terms had been ttsed before by the Earl of Carlisle to
James I., 14 Feb. 1623. "Nothing will more dishearten the en-
' vious maligners of your majesty's felicity, and encourage your
" true-hearted friends and servants, than the removing those
" false fears and jealousies, which are mere imaginary phan-
" tasms, and bodies of air easily dissipated, whensoever it shall
" please the sun of your majesty to shew itself clearly in its
" native brightness, lustre, and goodness,"
* Pxtnk — From the Anglo-Saxon pung ; it signifies a bawd
Anus instar corii ad ignem siccati. (Skinner.) Sometimes scor
turn, scortillum. Sir John Suckling says,
Religion now is a young mistress here
For which each man will fight and die at least:
Let it alone awhile, and 'twill become
I
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 35
Whose honesty they all durst swear for,
Tho' not a man of them knew wherefore
When Gospel-Trumpeter, surrounded
With long-ear'd rout, to battle soimded,* iO
And pulpit, drum ecclesiastick.
Was beat with fist, instead of a stick ;t
Then did Sir Knight abandon dwelling,
And out he rode a colonelling.t
A Wight he was,§ whose very sight wou'd is
Entitle him Mirror of Knight-hood ;i|
A kind of married wife ; people will be
Content to live with it in quietness.
* Mr. Butler told Thomas Veal, esquire, of Simons-hall,
Gloucestershire, that the Puritans had a custom of putting their
hands behind their ears, at sermons, and bending them forward,
under pretence of hearing the better. He had seen five hundred
or a thousand large ears pricked up as soon as the text was
named. Besides, they wore their hair very short, which showed
their ears the more. See Godwin's notes in Bodley library.
Dr. Bulwer in his Anthropometamorphosis, or Artificial
Changeling, tells us wonderful stories of the size of men's ears
in some countries. — Pliny, lib. 7, c. 2, speaks of a people on the
borders of India, who covered themselves with their ears. And
Purclias, in his Pilgrim, saith, that in the island Arucetto, there
are men and women having ears of such bigness, that they lie
upon one as a bed, and cover themselves with the other.
I here mention the idle tales of these authors, because their
works, together with Brown's Vulgar Errors, are the frequent
object of our poet's satire.
t It is sufficiently known from the historj' of those times, that
the seeds of rebellion were first sown, and afterwards cultivated,
by the factious preachers in conventicles, and the seditious and
schismatical lecturers, who had crept into many churches, es-
pecially about London. "These men," says Lord Clarendon,
" had, from the beginning of the parliament, infused seditious
"inclinations into the hearts of all men, against the government
" in charch and state : but after the raising an army, and reject-
" ing the king's overtures for peace, they contained themselves
"within no bounds, but filled all the pulpits with alarms of ruin
" and destruction, if a peace were offered or accepted." These
preachers used violent action, and made the pulpit an instru-
ment of sedition, as the drum was of war. Dr. South, in one of
his sermons, says, " The pulpit supplied the field with sword-
" men, and the parliament-house with incendiaries."
t Some have imagined from hence, tliat by Hudibras, was in-
tended Sir Samuel Luke of Bedfordshire. Sir Samuel was an
active justice of the peace, chairman of the quarter sessions,
colonel of a regiment of foot in the parliament army, and a
committee-man of that county : but the poet's satire is general,
not personal.
§ Wight is originally a Saxon word, and signifies a person or
f«ing. It is often used by Chaucer, and the old poets. Some-
wmes it means a witch or conjuror.
II A favorite title in romances.
3e HUDIBRAS. [Parti
That never bent his stubborn knee*
To any thing but chivalry ;
Nor put lip blow, but that which laid
Right vv'orshipful on shoulder-blade :t 30
Chief of domestic knights, and errant,
Either for chartell or for warrant :
Great on the bench, great in the saddle,
That could as well bind o'er, as swaddle :§
Mighty he was at both of these, 2S
And styl'd of War as well as Peace.
So some rats of amphibious nature.
Are either for the land or water.
But here our authors make a doubt,
*-- Whether he were more wise, or stout.|l 30
Some hold the one, and some the other ;
But howsoe'er they make'a pother,
The difF'rence was so small, his brain
Outweigh'd his rage but half a grain ;
Which made some take him for a tool 35
That knaves do work with, call'd a Fool ;
And ofier'd to lay wagers, that
As Montaigne, playing with his cat.
* Allutling to the Presbyterians, who refused to kneel at the
Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, and insisted upon receiving it
In a sittine or standing posture. See Baxter's Life, &c. &c. In
some of the kirks in Scotland, the pews are so made, that it is
very diflicult for any one to kneel.
t That is, did not sutler a blow to pass unrevenged, except the
one b" which the king knighted him.
i Fcr a challenge. He was a militarj' as well as a civil offi-
cer—
iuiirepov /jacriXtu; t' ayaObi Koarcpd; r' alxfV'^!-
II. iii ;?!>.
Pope translates it,
Great in the war, and great in arts of sway.
//. iii. 236.
Plutarch tells us, that Alexander the Great was wonderfully
delighted with this line.
^ Swaddle. — That is, to beat or cudgel, says Johnson ; but the
word in the Sa.von, signifies to bind up, to try to heal by propel
bandages and applications : hence the verb to swathe, and the
adjective swaddlivg clothes : the line therefore may signify, that
his worship could either make peace, and heal disputes among
his neighbors, or, if they could not agree, bind them over to the
sessions for trial.
II A burlesque on the usual strain of rhetorical flattery, when
authors pretend to be puzzled which of their patrons' noblo
qualities they should give the preference to. Something similar
to this passage is the saying of Julius Capitolinus, concerning
the emperor Verus ; "melior orator quain poeta, aut ut verius
dicam pejor poela qnani orator "
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 37
Complains she thought liim but au ass,*
Much more she wou'd Sir Hudibras : 40
For that's the name our valiant knight
To all his challenges did write.
But they're mistaken very mucli,
'Tis plain enough he was no such :
We grant, although he had much wit, 45
H' was very shy of using it ;t
As being loth to wear it out.
And therefore bore it not about,
Unless on holy-days, or so,
As men their best apparel do. 50
Besides, 'tis known he could speak Greek
As naturally as pigs squeek :
That Latin was no more^ difficile,
Than to a blackbird 'tis to whistle :
Being rich in both, he never scanted 55
His bounty unto such as wanted ;
But much of either wou'd afford
To many, that had not one word.
For Hebrew roots, although they're found
To flourish most in barren ground,! 60
He had such plenty, as suffic'd
To make some think him circumcis'd ;
And truly so, perhaps, he was,
*Tis many a pious Christian's case.§
* "When my cat and I," says Montaigne, "entertRla each
'other with mutual apish tricks, as playing with a garCer, who
" knows l)Ut I make her more sport than she makes me 1 shall I
" conclude her simple, who has her time to begin or refuse sport-
" iveness as freely as I myself? Nay, who knows but she laughs
" at, and censures, my folly, for maiiing her sport, and pities me
" for understanding her no better 1" And of animals — " ils nous
" peuvent estimer betes, comme nous les estimons."
t The poet, in depicting our knight, blends together his great
pretensions, and his real abilities ; giving him high encomiums
on his affected character, and dashing them again with his true
and natural imperfections. He was a pretended saint, but in
fact a very great hypocrite ; a great champion, though an errant
coward ; famed for learning, yet a shallow pedant.
t Some students in Hebrew have been very angry with these
lines, and assert, that they have done more to prevent the study
of that language, than all the professors have done to promote
It. See a letter to the printer of the Diary, dated January 15.
1789, and signed John Ryland. The word for, here means,
»s to.
$ In the first editions this couplet was differently expre'.setl :
^nd truly so he was, perhaps,
J^ot as a proselyte, but for claps.
Many vulgar, and some indecent phrases, were afl. t corrected
Sd IIUDIBRAS. [PARTt
He was in Logic a gi-eat critic,* cs
Profoundly skill'd in Analytic ;
He could distinguisli, and divide
A hair 'twixt south and south-west side ;
On either side he would dispute,
Confute, change hands, and still confute ;'f 70
He'd undertake to prove by force
Of argument a man's no horse ;
He'd prove a buzzard is no fowl.
And that a Lord may be an owl ;
A calf an Alderman, a goose a Justice,! 75
And roolis Committee-Men or Trustees.^
He'd run in debt by disputation.
And pay with ratiocinatioa r^
All this by syllogism true, •
In mood and figure, he would do. SO
For Rhetoric, he could not ope
His mouth, but out there flew a trope :
And when he happen'd to break off
i' th' middle of his speech, or cough,
by Mr. Butler. And, indeed, as Mr. Cowley observes, in his Ode
on Wit,
'tis just
The author blush, there, where the reader must.
* In some following lines the abuses of human learning arc
finely satirized.
t Carneades, the academic, having one day disputed at Rome
very ccipiously in praise of justice, refuted every word on the
morrow, by a train of contrary arguments. Something similar
is said of Cardinal Perron.
t A doggerel Alexandrine placed in the first line of the couplet,
as it is sometimes in heroic Ale.'jandrines : thus Dryden —
So all the use we make of heaven's discover'd will.
■See his RHigio Laid.
5 A rook is a well-known black bird, said by theglossariststo
be comix ffugivora, and supposed by them to devour the grain;
hence, by a figure, applied to sharpers and cheats. Thus the
committee-men harassed and oppressed tlie country, devouring,
in an arbitrary manner, the property of those they did not like,
and this under the authority of parliament. Trustees are often
mentioned by our poet. See p. 3, c. 1, 1. 1516.
In Scobel's collection is an ordinance, 1649, for the sale of the
royal lands in order to pay the army; the common soldiers pur-
chasing by regiments, like corporations, and liaving trustees fol
the whole. These trustees either purcliased the soldiers' shares
at a very small price, or sometimes cheated the officers and sol-
diers, by detaining these trust estates for their own use. The
same happened often with regard to the church lands : but 13
Ch. II. an act passed for restoring all advowsons, glebe-lands
and tythes, &c. to his majesty's loyal subjects.
Ooto I.] HUDIBRAS. 39
H' had hard words, ready to shew why 85
A.nd tell what rules he did it by.*
Else, when with greatest art he spoke,
i^ou'd think he talk'd like other folk.
For all a Rhetorician's rules
Teach nothing but to name his tools. 90
His ordinary rate of speech
[n loftiness of sound was rich ;
A. Babylonish dialect.
Which learned pedants much affect ;
It was a partl-color'd dress 93
Of patch'd and piebald languages :
'Twas English cut on Greek and Latin,
Like fustian heretofore on satin.t
It had an odd promiseuous tone
As if h' had talk'd three parts in one ; lOO
Which made some think, when he did gabble,
Th' had heard three laborers of Babel ;J
Or Cerberus himself pronounce
A leash of languages at once.§
This he as volubly would vent 105
As if his stock would ne'er be spent :
* i. e. Aposinpesis — Quos ego — sad motes, &c.
Or cough. — The preachers of those days, looked upon cough-
ing and hemming as ornaments of speech ; and when they
printed their sermons, noted in the margin where the preacher
coughed or henim'd. This practice was not confined to Eng-
land, for Olivier Waillard, a Cordelier, and famous preacher
printed a sermon at Brussels in the year 1500, and marked in the
margin where the preacher hemui'd once or twice, or coughed.
See the French notes.
t The slashed sleeves and hose may he seen in the pictures
of Dobson, Vandyke, and others ; but one would conjecture from
the word heretofore, that they were not in common wear in our
poet's time.
{ In Dr. Donne's Satires, by Pope, we read,
You prove yourself so able,
Pity ! you were not Druggerman at Babel ;
For had they found a linguist half so good
I make no question but tlie tower had stood.
^ " Our Borderers, to this day, speak a leash of langtiages
" (British, Saxon, and Danish) in one : and it is hard to determine
" which of those three nations has the greatest share in the
" motley breed." Camden's Britannia — Cumberland, p. 1010.
Butler, in his character of a lawyer, p. 107, — says, "he overruns
" Iiatin and French with greater barbarism than the Goths did
"Italy and France; and maices as mad a confusion of language,
" hy mixing both with English." Statins, rather ridiculously,
.utroduces Janus haranguin-; and complimenting Domitian with
Doth his mouths,
levat ecce, supinas
Hinc atque Inde manus, geminique hsec voce profatur.
40 HUDIBRAS. [Part
And truly, to support that charge,
He had supphes as Vast and large
For he could coin, or counterfeit
New words with little or no wit:* llC
Words so debas'd and hard, no stone
Was hard enough to touch them on ;+
And when with hasty noise he spoke'em,
The ignorant fur current took'em.
That had the orator, who once 115
Did fill his mouth with pebble stones
When he harangu'd, but known his phrase.
He would have us'd no other ways.t
In Mathematics he was greater
Than Tycho Brahe, or Erra Pater :§ 120
For he, by geometric scale,
Could take the size of pots of ale ;
Resolve, by sines and tangents straight,
If bread or butter wanted weight ;||
And wisely tell what hour o' th' day 125
The clock does strike, by Algebra.
Beside, he was a shrewd Pliilosopher,
And had read ev'ry text and gloss over:
Whate'er the crabbed"st author hath, IT
He understood b' implicit faith : 130
Whatever Skeptic could inquire for ;
For every why he had a wherefore :**
Knew more than forty of them do,
As far as words and terms could go.
* The Presbyterians coined and composed many new words,
such as out goings, carryings-on, nothingness, worliings-out, gos
pel-walking times, secret ones, &c. &c-
t This seems to be the risht reading; and alludes to the
touchstone. Though Bishop Warburton conjectures, that tona
ought to be read here instead of stone.
t These four lines are not found in the first two editions.
They allude to the well-known story of Demosthenes.
§ Erra Paler is the nickname of some ignorant astrologer. A
little paltry book of the rules of Erra Pater is still vended among
the vulgar. I do not think that by Erra Pater, the poet meant
William Lilly, but some contemptible person, to oppose to the
great Tycho Brahe. Anticlima.x was Butler's favorite figure,
and one great machine of his drollery.
II He could, by trigonometry, discover the exact dimensions of
a loaf of bread, or roll of butter. The poet likevfise intimates
that his hero was an over-officious magistrate, seirrching out
little offences, and levying fines and forfeitures upon them. See
Talgnl's speech in the next canto.
Tf If any copv would warrant it, I should read "author saith."
•* That is, he could elude one difficulty by proposing another
m answer one question l>y proposing another.
Canto i.] IIUDIBRAS 41
All which he understood by rote, 135
And, as occasion serv'd, would quote ;
No matter whether right or wrong.
They might be either said or sung.
His notions fitted things so well,
That wliich was which he could not tell ;* 140
But oftentimes mistook the one
. For th' other, as great clerks have done.
He could reduce all things to acts,
And knew their natures by abstracts ;t
Where entity and quiddity, 145
The ghost of defunct bodies fly ;t
Where Truth in person does appear,^
Like words congeal'd in northern air. ||
He knew what's what, and that's as high
As metaphysic wit can fly.lT 150
In school-divinity as able
As he that hight irrefragable ;**
* He had a jumble of many confused notions in his head,
which he could not apply to any useful purpose : or perhaps the
poet alludes to those philosophers who took their ideas of sub-
stances to be the combinations of nature, and not the arbitrary
wnrkmansliip of the hiiiimn mind.
t A tiling is in potentia, when It is possible, but does not
actually exist ; a thing is in act, wlien it is not only possible, but
does e.xist. A thing is said to be reduced from power into act,
when that whicli was oi»ly possible, begins really to exist: how
far we can know the nature of things by abstracts, has long been
a dispute. See Locke's Essay on the Human Understanding;
and consult the old metaphysicians if you think it worth while
t A fine satire upon tiie abstracted notions of the metaphy-
sicians, calling the metaphysical natures the gliosts or shadows
of retil substances.
§ Some authors have mistaken truth for a real thing or person,
w hereas it is nothing but a right method of putting those notions
or images of things (in the understanding of man) into the same
state and order, that their originals hold in nature. Thus Aris-
totle, Met. lib. 2. Unumquodque sicut se habel secundum esse,
ita se habet secund'.un veritatem.
II See Ilabelais's Pantagriiel, livre 4, ch. 56, which hint is
Improved and drawn into a p.iper in the Tatler, No. 254. In
Rabelais, Pantagruel throws upon deck three or four handfuls
of frozen words, il en jucta siis le tillac trois ou quatre poignees :
et y veids des parolles bien piquantes.
ir The jest here is, giving, by a low and vulgar expression, an
apt description of the science. In the old systems of logic, quid
est quid was a common question.
••!.* Two lines originally followed in this place, which were
afterwards omitted by the author in his corrected copy, viz
A second Thomas ; or at once.
To name them all, another Duns
Perhaps, upon recollection, he thought this great man, Aquinas,
deserving of bettor treatment, or perhaps he was ashamed of the
pun. However, as the passage no« stands, it is an inimitabls
43 HUDIBRAS. [Part >,
A second Thomas, or at once,
To name them all, another Duns :
Profound in all the nominal, 155
And real ways, beyond them till ;
And, with as delicate a hand,
Could twist as tough a rope of sand ;*
And weave fine cobwebs, fit for scull
That's empty when the moon is full ;t 16D
Such as take lodgings in a head
That's to be let unfurnished.
He could raise scruples dark and nice,
And after solve 'em in a trice ;
As if Divinity had calch'd 165
The itch, on purpose to be scratch'd ;
Or, like a mountebank, did wound
And stab herself with doubts profound,
Only to show with how small pain
The sores of Faith are cur'd again ; 170
Altho' by woful proof we find.
They always leave a scar behind.
He knew the seat of Paradise,
Could tell in what degree it lies ;t
satire upon the old school divines, who were mat y of them
honored with some extravagant epithet, and as vrell known
by it as by their proper names: thn» Alexander Hales, was
called doctor irrefragable, or invincible ; Thomas Aquinas, the
angelic doctor, or eagle of divines ; Dun Scotus, the s.ibtle doctor.
This last was father of tlie Reals, and William Ocham of the
Nominals. They were both of Merton college in Oxford, where
they gave rise to an odd custom. See Plott's Oxfordshire, page
285. — Hight, a Saxon and Old English participle passive, signi
fying called.
* A proverbial saying, when men lose their labor by busying
themselves in trifles, or attempting things impossible.
t That is, subtle questions or foolish conceits, fit for the brain
of a madman or lunatic.
t " Paradisum lucum diu multumque quaisitura per terraram
" orbem ; neque tantum per lerrarum orbem, sed etiam in aere,
" in luna, et ad tertium usque coelum." Burnett. Tell. Theor. 1.
2, Cap. 7. " Well may I wonder at the notions of some learned
" men concerning the garden of Eden ; some affirming it to be
"above the moon, others above the air ; some that it is in the
" whole world, others only a part of the north ; some thinking
"that it was nowhere, whilst others supposed it to be, God
" knows where, in the West Indies ; and, for ought I know. Sir
" John Mandeville's story of it may be as good as any of them."
Foulis's History of Plots, fol. p. 171. " Otrebius, in a tract de
" Vita, Morte, et Resurrectione, would persuade us, that doubtless
" the Kosicrucians are in paradise, which place he seateth near
" unto the region of the moon." Olaus Rudbeckius, a Swede,
in a very scarce book, entitled Atlantica sive Man/ieim, 4 vol.
fol., out of zeal for (he honor of his country, has endeavored to
prove that Sweden was the real paradise. The learned Huet
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 43
And, as he was dispos'd, could prove it, i75
Below the moon, or else above it :
What Adam dreamt of when his bride
Came from her closet in his side :
Whether the devil tempted her
By an High-Dutch interpreter :* 180
If either of them had a navel ;t
bishop of Avranches, wrote an express treatise De Situ ?aradisi
Terrestris, bat not published till after our poet's death, (1691.)
He yives a map of Paradise, and says, it is situated upon the
canal formed by the Tigris and Euplirates, after they have joined
near Apamea, between the place where they join and that
where they separate, in order to fall into the Pef«ian gulf, on the
eastern side of the south branch of the great circuit which this
river makes towards the west, marked in the maps of Ptolemy,
near Aracca, about 3-2 degrees 39 minutes north latitude, and 80
degrees 10 minutes east longitude. Thus wild and various
have been the conjectures concerning the seat of Paradise ; but
we must leave this point undetermined, till we are better ac-
quainted with the antediluvian world, and know what altera-
tions the flood made upon the face of the earth.
Mahomet is said to have assured his followers, that paradise
was seated in heaven, and that Adam was cast down from
thence when he transgressed: on the contrary, a learned prelate
of our own time, supposes that our first parents were placed in
paradise as a reward : for he says,
"God (as we must needs conclude) having tried Adam in the
"state of nature, and approved of the good use he had made of
" his free will under the direction of that light, advanced him to
"a superior station in paradise. How long before this remove,
" man had continued subject to natural religion alone, we can
"only guess. But of this we may be assured, that it was some
"considerable time before the garden of Eden could naturally be
'' made fit for his reception." — See Warburton's Works: Divine
Legation, vol. iii. p. 634. And again: "This natural state
"of man, antecedent to the paradisaical, can never be too care-
" fully kept in mii:d, nor too precisely explained; since it is the
' very key or clue (as we shall find in the progress of this work)
'' which is open to us, to lead us through aU the recesses and
" intimacies of the last and completed dispensation of God to
" man ; a dispensation long become intricate .and perplexed, by
"men's neglecting to distinguish these two states or conditions;
"which, as we say, if not constantly kept in mind, the Gospel
"can neither be well understood, nor reasonably supported." —
Div. Leg. vol. ii;. p. 626, 4to.
* Johannes Goropius Becanus, a man very learned, and phy
sician to Mary Queen of Hungary, sister to the Emperor Charles
v., maintained the Teutonic to be the first, and most ancient
language in the world. Verstegan thinks the Teutonic not older
than the tower of Babel. Decayed Intelligence, ch. 7.
t "Over one of the doors of the King's antechamber at St
"James's, is a picture of Adam and Eve, which formerly hung
"in the gallery at Whitehall, thence called the Adam and Eve
"Gallery. Evelyn, in the preface to his Idea of the Perfection
"of Painting, mentions this picture, painted by Malvagius, as he
" calls him, (John Mabuse, of a little town of the same name in
• Hiinault,) and objects to the absurdity of representing Adam
44 HUDIBRA& [Fart j
Whc first made music malleable: *
Whether the serpent, at the fall,
Had cloven feet, or none at all.t
All this without a gloss, or comment, ISS
He could unriddle in a moment.
In proper terms, such as men smatter,
When they throw out and miss the matter.
For his Religion, it was fit
To match his learning and his wit : 190
'Twas Presbyterian, true blue,t
For he was of that stubborn crew
Of errant§ saints, whom all men grant
To be the true church militant :|1
Such as do build their faith upon 195
The holy text of pike and gun ;^
Decide all controversy by
Infallible artillery ;
And prove their doctrine orthodox
By apostolic blows, and knocks ; 200
Call fire, and sword, and desolation,
A godly-thorough-Reformation,**
"and Eve with navels, and a fountain of carved imagery in
" Par;uUse. The latter remark is just ; the former is only wor-
"thy of a critical man-midwife." VValpole's Anecdotes of
Painting. Henry VII. vol. i. p. 50. Dr. Brown has the fifth
chapter of the fifth book of his Vulgar Errors, expressly on this
subject, " Of the Picture of Adam and Eve with Navels."
* This relates to the idea that music was first invented by Py
Ihagoras, on hearing a blacksmith strike his anvil with a ham-
mer— a story which has been frequently ridiculed.
t That curse upon the serpent " on thy belly shall thou go,"
seems to imply a deprivation of what he enjoyed before ; it has
been thought that the serpent had feet at first. So Basil says,
he went erect like a man, and had the use of speech before the
fall.
i Alluding to the proverb— " true blue will never stain:"
representing the stubbornness of the party, which made them
deaf to reason, and incapable of conviction.
§ The poet uses the word errant with a double meaning;
without doubt in allusion to knights errant in romances: and
likewise to the bad sense in which the word is used, as, an errant
knave, an errant villain.
II The church on earth is called militant, as struggling with
temptations, and subject to persecutions: but the Presbyterians
of those days were literally the church militant, fighting with
the establishment, and all that opposed them.
IT Cornet Joyce, when he carried away the king from Ilolden-
by, being desired by his majesty to show his instructions, drew
up his troop in the inward court, and said, "These, sir, are my
Instructions."
** How far the character here given of the Presbyterians is a
true one, I leave others to guess. When they have not had the
upper hand, they certainly have been friends to mildness and
Canto i.j HUDIBRAS. 45
Which always must be cangr'd on,
And still bo doing, never done
As if Religion were intended 9QS
For nothing else but to be mended.
A sect, whose chierdevotion lies
In odd perverse antipathies :*
In falling out with that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss :t 210
More peevish, cross, and splenetic.
Than dog distract, or monkey sick.
That with more care keep holy-day
The wrong, than others tl^ ■right way :t
Compound for sins they are inclin'd to, SM
- By damning those they have no mind to :
Still so perverse and opposite,
As if they worshipp'd God for spite.
The self-same thing they will abhor.
One way, and long another for. 320
Free-will they one way disavow,
Another, nothing else allow. §
All piety consists therein
In them, in other men all sin.||
Rather than fail, they will defy 225
That which they love most tenderly ;
Quarrel with minc'd pies,ir and disparage
moderation : but Dr. Grey produces passages from some of their
violent and absurd writers, which made him think that they
had a strong spirit of persecution at the bottom.
Some of our brave ancestors said of the Romans, " Ubi soU-
" tudinem faciunt, paceni appellant." Tacitus, Vita Agricol. 30.
* In all great quarrels, the parties are apt to take pleasure in
contradicting each other, even in the most trifling matters. The
Presbyterians reckoned it sinful to eat phim-porndge, or minced
pies, at Christmas. The cavaliers observing the formal carriage
of their adversaries, fell into the opposite extreme, and ate and
drank plentifully every«day, especially after the restoration.
t dueen Elizabeth was often heard to say, that she knew
very well what would content the Catholics, but that she never
could learn what would content the Puritans.
t In the year 1645, Christmas-day was ordered to be observed
as a fast : and Oliver, when protector, was feasted by the lord
mayor on Ash-Wednesday. When James the First desired the
magistrates of Edinburgh to feast the French ambassadors before
their retura to France, the ministers proclanned a fast to be kept
the same day.
§ As maintaining absolute predestination, and denying the
liberty of man's will : at the same time contending for absolute
freedom in rites and ceremonies, and the discipline of the church.
li They themselves being the elect, and so incapable of sin-
ning, and all others being reprobates, and therefore not capable
of performing any good action.
V "A sort of inquisition was set up, against the food whicb
46 HUDIBRAS. [Part .
Their best and dearest friend — plum-porridge ;
Fat pig and goose itself oppose,
And blaspheme custard through the nose. 230
Th' apostles of this fierce religion,
Like Mahomet's, were ass and widgeon,*
To whom our knight, by fast instinct
Of wit and temper, was so linkt,
As if hypocrisy and nonsense 235
Had got th' advowson of his conscience.
Thus was he gifted and accouter'd.
We mean on th' inside, not the outward :
That next of all we shall discuss ;
Then listen, Sirs, it foUoweth thus : 240
His tawny beard was th' equal grace
Both of his wisdom and his face ;
In cut and dye so like a tile,
A sudden view it would beguile :
The upper part thereof was whey, 245
The nether orange, mixt with grey.
This hairy meteor did denounce
The fall of sceptres and of crowns ;t
had " been customarily in use at this season." Blackall's Ser
men on Christmas-day.
* Mahomet tells us, in the Koran, that the Angel Gabriel
brought to hin) a milk-white beast, called Alborach, something
like an ass, but bigger, to carry him to the presence of God.
Alborach refused to let him get up, unless he would promise to
procure him an entrance into paradise: which Mahomet pro-
mising, he got up. Mahomet is also said to have had a tame
pigeon, which he taught secretly to eat out of his ear, to make
his followers believe, that by means of this bird there were im-
parted to him some divine communications. Our poet calls it a
widgeon, for the sake of equivoque ; widgeon in the figurative
sense, signifying a foolish silly fellow. It is usual to say of
such a person, that he is as wise as a widgeon : and a drinking
song has these lines. —
Mahomet was no divine, but a senseless widgeon,
To forbid the use of wine to those of his religion.
Widgeon and weaver, says Jlr. Ray, in his Philosophical Let-
ters, are male and female sex.
"There are still a multitude of doves about IMecca preserved
" and fed there with great care and superstition, being thought
" to be of the breed of that dove which spake in the ear of Ma
" homet." Sandys' Travels.
t Alluding to the vulgar opinion, that comets are always
predictive of some public calamity.
Et nunquam coelo spectatuin impune cometen.
Pliny calls a comet crinita.
Mr. Butler in his Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 54. says,
Which way the dreadful comet went
In sixty-four, and what it meant?
Canto i.J HUDIBRAS 47
With grisly type did represent
Declining age of government, 250
And tell, with hieroglyphic spade.
Its own grave and the state's were made.
Like Sampson's heart-breslkers, it grew
In time to make a nation rue ;*
Tho' it contributed its own fall, 255
To wait upon the public downfall :t
It was canonic, t and did grow
la holy orders by strict vow :§
What Nations yet are to bewail
The operations of its tail :
Or whether France or Holland yet,
Or Germany, be in its debt"?
What wars and plagues in Christendom
Have happen'd since, and what to come 1
What kings are dead, how many queens
And princesses are poison'd since 1
And who shall next of all by turn,
Make courts wear black, and tradesmen mourn ?
And when again shall lay embargo
Upon the admiral, the good ship Argo.
Homer, as translated by Pope, Iliad iv. 434, says,
While dreadful comets glaring from afar.
Forewarn' d the horrors of the Thehau war.
* Heart-breakers were particular curls worn by the ladies, ana
sometimes by men. Sampson's strength consisted in his haU;
when that was cut oft", he was taken prisoner; when it f^rew
again, he was able to pull down the house, and destroy liis ene-
mies. See Judges, cap. xvi.
t Many of the Presbyterians and Independents swore not to
cut their beards, not, like Mephibosheth, till the king was re-
stored, but till monarchy and episcopacy were ruined. Such
vows were common among the barbaroiis nations, especially the
Germans. Civilis, as we learn from Tacitus, having des-troyed
the Roman legions, cut his hair, which he had vowed to \et grow
from his tirst taking up arms. And it became at length a na-
tional custom among some of the Germans, never to turn their
liair, or their beards, till they had killed an enemy.
1 The latter editions, for canonic, read monastic.
^ This line would make one think, that in the preceding ono
we ought to read monastic ; though the vow of not sh wing the
beard till some particular event happened, was not uncommon
In those times. In a humorous poem, falsely ascribed to Mr.
Butler, entitled. The Cobler and Vicar of Bray, we read.
This worthy knight was one that swore
He would not cut his beard,
Till this ungodly nation was
From kings and bishops clear'd.
Which holy vow he firmly kept,
And most devoutly wore
A grisly meteor on his face,
Till they were lioth no more
48 HUDIBRAS. lPart i
Of rule as sullen and severe
As that of rigid Cordeliere :* 269
'Twas bound to suffer persecution
And martyrdom with resolution ;
T' oppose itself against the hate
And vengeance of th' incensed state : '
In whose defiance it was worn, S6i
Still ready to be puU'd and torn,
With red-hot irons to be tortur'd,
Revil'd, and spit upon, and martyr'd:
Maugre all which, 'twas to stand fast,
As long as monarchy should last ; 270
But when the state sJiould hap to reel,
'Twas to submit to fatal steel,
And fall, as it was consecrate,
A sacrifice to fall of state ;
Whose thread of life the fatal sisters 275
Did twist together with its whiskers,
And twine so close, that Time should never,
In life or death, their fortunes sever ;
But with his rusty sickle mow
Both down together at a blow.' 380
So learned Taliacotius, from
The brawny part of porter's bum.
Cut supplemental noses, which
Would last as long as parent breech :t
* An order so called in France, from the knotted cord which
they wore about their luiddles. In England they were named
Grey Friars, and were tlie strictest branch of the Franciscans.
t Taliacotius was professor of physic and surgery at Bologna,
where he was born, 1553. His treatise is well known. He says,
the operation has been practised by others before Kim with suc-
cess. See a very humorous account of him, Tatler, No. '260.
The design of Taliacotius has been improved into a method of
holding correspondence at a great distance, by the sympathy of
flesh transferred from one body to another. If two persons ex-
change a piece of flesh from the bicepital muscle of the arm,
arid circumscribe it with an alphabet ; when the one pricks him-
self in A, the other is to have a sensation thereof in the same
part, and by inspecting his arm, perceive what letter the other
points to.
Our author likewise intended to ridicule Sir Kenelm Higby,
who, in his Treatise on the sympathetic powder, mentions, but
with caution, this method of engrafting noses. It lias been ob-
served, that the ingenuity of the ancients seems to have failed
them on a similar occasion, since they were obliged to piece on!
the mutilated shoulder of Pelops witii ivory.
In latter days it has been a conmion practice with dentists, ti
draw the teeth of young chimney-sweepers, and fix them in the
heads of other persons. There was a lady whose motith was
supplied In this manner. After some time the boy claimed the
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS 49
But when the date of Nock was out,* 285
Off dropt the sympathetic snout.
His back, or rather burthen, show'd
As if it stoop'd with its own load.
For as .^Eneas bore his sire
Upon his shoulders thro' the fire, 250
Our knight did bear no less a pack
Of his own buttocks on his back :
Which now had almost got the upper-
Hand of his head, for want of crupper.
To poise this equally, he bore 295
A paunch of the same bulk before :
Which still he had a special care
To keep well-cramm'd with thrifty fare :
As white-pot, butter-milk, and curds,
Such as a country-house affords ; 300
With other victual, which anon
We farther shall dilate upon,
■ When of his hose we come to treat,
The cup-board where he kept his meat.
His doublet was of sturdy bufF, 305
And though not sword, yet cudgel-proof,
Whereby 'twas fitter for his use.
Who fear'd no blows but such as bruise.t
His breeches were of rugged woollen.
And had been at the siege of Bullen ;t 310
tooth, and went to a justice of peace for a warrant against the
lady, who, he alleged, had stolen it. The case would have
puzzled Sir Hudibras.
Dr. Hunter mentions some ill effects of the practice. A per-
son who gains a tooth, may soon after want a nose. The simile
has been translated into Latin thus :
Sic adscititios nasos de clune torosi
Vectoris docta secuit Taliacotius arte:
Qui potuere parem durando tequare parentem ;
At postquam fato clunis computruit, ipsum
Una symphaticum toepit tabescere rostrum.
• Nock is a British word, signifying a slit or crack. .And
hence figuratively, nates, la fesse, the fundameitt. Nock,
Nockys, is used by Gawin Douclas in his version of the ^IDneid,
for the bottom, or extremity of any thing; Glossarists say, the
word hath that sense both in Italian and Dutch: others think it
a British word.
t A man of nice honor suffers more from a kick, or slap in
the face, than from a wound. Sir Walter Raleigli says, to be
Btrucken with a sword is like a man, but to be strucken with a
stick is like a slave.
t Henry VUl. besieged Boulogne in person, July 14, 1544. He
was very fat, and consequently his breeches very large. See
the paintings at Cowdry in Su ssex, and the engravings published
3
so HUDIBRAS. IPar p t
To old King Harry so well known,
Some writers held they were his own,
Thro' they were liu'd with many a piece
Of ammunition-bread and cheese,
And fat black-puddings, proper food 315
For waruors that delight in blood:
For, as we said, he always chose
To carry vittle in his hose.
That often tempted rats and mice,
The ammunition to surprise : 'dSP
And when he put a hand but in
The one or th' other magazine,
They stoutly in defence on't stood.
And from the wounded foe drew blood ;
And till th' were storm'd and beaten ou( 326
Ne'er left the fortifi'd redoubt ;
And tho' knights errant, as some think,
Of old did neither eat nor di ink,*
Because when thorough desarts vast.
And regions desolate they past, 330
Where belly-timber above ground.
Or under, was not to be found.
Unless they graz'd, there's not one word
Of their provision on record :
Which made some confidently write, 333
They had no stomachs but to fight.
'Tis false: for Arthur wore in hallt
Round table like a farthingal,t
by the Society of Antiquaries. Their breeches and hose were
the same, Port-hose, Trunk-hose, Pantaloons, were all like our
sailors' trowsers. See Pedules in Cowel,and the 74th canon ad
fineni.
* "Though I think, says Don Quixote, that I have read as
"many histories of chivalry in my time as any other man, I
"never could find that knights errant ever eat, unless it weie
"by mere accident, when they were invited to great feasts and
" royal banquets ; at other times, they indulged themselves with
"little other food besides their thoughts."
I Arthu»is said to have lived about the year 530, and to have
been born in 501, but so many romantic exploits are attributed to
him, that some have doubted whether there was any truth at all
in his history.
Geoffrey of Monmouth calls him the son of Uther Pendragon,
others think he was himself called Uther Pendragon: Uther sig-
nifying in the British tongue a cluli, because as with a club he
beat down the Saxons : Pendragon, because he wore a dragon on
the crest of his helmet.
t The farthingal was a sort of hoop worn by the ladies. King
Arthur is said to have made choice of the round table that hi*
knights might not quarrel about precedence.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 51
On which, with shirt pull'd out behind,
And eke before, his good knights din'd. 340
Tho' 'twas no table some suppose,
But a huge pair of round trunk liose :
In which he carry'd as much meat,
As he and all his knights could eat,*
When laying by their swords and truncheons, 315
They took their breakfasts, or their nuncheons.t
But let that pass at present, lest
We should forget where we digrest ;
As learned authors use, to whom
We leave it, and to th' purpose come. 3J0
His puissant sword unto his side.
Near his uilSaunted heart, was ty'd,
With basket-hilt, that would hold broth,
And serve for fight and dinirer both.
In it he melted lead for bullets, 355
To shoot at foes, and sometimes pullets ;
To whom he bore so fell a grutch,
He ne'er gave quarter t' any such.
The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty ,t
For waut of fighting was grown rusty, 3G0
And ate into itself, for lack
Of somebody to hew and hack.
The peaceful scabbard where it dwelt,
The rancour of its edge had felt :
For of the lower end two handful 3G5
It had devour'd, 'twas so manful,
And so much scoru'd to lurk in case,
As if it dui-st not shew its face.
* True-wit, in Ben .Tons^n's Silent Woman, says of Sir Anior-
ons La Fool, "If he could but victual himself for half a year in
" his breeches, he is sutficieatiy armed to over-run a country."
Act 4, sc. 5.
t J^uncheons. — Meals now made by the servants of most fam-
ilies about noon-tide, or twelve o'clock. Our ancestors in the
13th and 14th centuries had four meals a day, — breakfast at 7 ;
dinner at 10 ; supper at 4 ; and livery at 8 or 9 ; soon after which
they went to-bed. See the Earl of Northumberland's household-
bcik.
The tradesmen and laboring people had only 3 meals a day,
— breakfast at 8 ; dinner at 12 ; and supper at 6. They had no
livery.
X Toledo is a city in Spain, the capital of New Castile, famous
for the manufacture of swords: the Toledo blades were general-
ly broad, to wear on horseback, and of great length, suitable to
tlie old Spanish dress. See Dillon's Voyage through Spain, 4ta
782. But those which I have seen were narrow, like a stiletto,
Dut much longer: though probably our hero's was broad, as is
inplied by the epithet trenchant; cutting.
&ct HUDIBRAS [Part i.
(r-
in many desperate attempts,
Of warrants, exigents,* contempts, 370
It had appear'd with courage bolder
Than Serjeant Bum invading shoulder :t
Oft had it ta'ea possession.
And pris'ners too, or made thera run.
This sword a dagger had, his page, 375
That was but little for his age : t
And therefore waited on him so.
As dwarfs upon knights errant do.
It was a serviceable dudgeon, §
Either for fighting or for drudging :|| 3£0
When it had stabb'd, or broke a head,
It would scrape trenchers, or chip bread,
Toast cheese or bacon, IT though it were
To bait a mouse-trap, 'twould not care :
'Twould make clean shoes, and in the earth 385
Set leeks and onions, and so forth :
It had been 'prentice to a brewer,**
* Exigent is a writ issued in order to bring a person to an out-
lawry, if he does not appear to answer the suit commenced
against him.
t Alluding to the method by which bura-bailiffs, as they are
called, arrest persons, giving them a tap on the shoulder.
t Thus Homer accoutres Agamemnon with a dagger hanging
near his sword, which he used instead of a knife. Iliad. Lib. iii.
271. A gentleman producing some wine to his guests in small
glasses, and saying it was sixteen years old ; a person replied it
was very small for its age — inihdvTOi 6( Ttfos olvov iv'j.vKTTipiSiif
(tiKpbv, Kat tlirdvTos on iKKaiitKairtji' /xiKpd; yc, c<pri, dj
TuanTuiv ctHv. Athenffius Ed. Casaubon. pp. 584 and 385, lib
xili. 289.
$ A dudgeon was a short sword, or dagger : from the Teutonic
(legen, a sword.
II That is for doing any drudgery-work, such as follows in the
next verses.
ir Corporal Nim says, in Shakspeare's Henry V., " I dare not
"fight, but I will wink, and hold out mine iron: it is a simple
" one, but what though — it will toast cheese."
** This was a common joke upon Oliver Cromwell, who was
said to have been a partner in a brewery. It was frequently
made the subject of lampoon during his life-time. In the collec-
tion of loyal songs, is one called the Protecting Brewer, which .
has these stanzas —
A brewer may be as bold as a hector,
When as he had drunk his cup of nectar,
And a brewer may be a Lord Protector,
Which nobody can deny.
Now here remains the strangest thing.
How this brewer about his liquor did bring
To be an emperor or a king,
Which nobody can deny.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 63
Where this, and more, it did endure ;
But left the trade, as many more
Have lately done, on the same score. 390
In th' holsters, at the saddle-bow,
Two aged pistols he did stow,
Among the surplus of such meat
As in his hose he could not get.
These would inveigle rats with th' scent, 395
To forage when the cocks were bent ;
And sometimes catch 'em with a snap,
As cleverly as th' ablest trap.*
They were upon hard duty still,
And every night stood sentinel, 400
To guard the magazine in th' hose,
From two-legg'd and from four-legg'd foes.
Thus clad and fortify'd, Sir Knight,
From peaceful home set forth to fight.
But first with nimble active force, 403
He got on th' outside of his horse :t
For having but one stirrup ty'd
T' his saddle, on the further side.
It was so short h' had much ado
To reach it with his desp'rate toe. 410
But after many strains and heaves.
He got upon the saddle eaves.
From whence he vaulted into th' seat.
With so much vigour, strength, and heat.
That he had almost tumbled over 415
With his own weight, but did recover.
By laying hold on tail and mane,
Which oft ho us'd instead of rein.
But now we talk of mounting steed,
Before we further do proceed, 420
But whether Oliver was really concerned in a hrewery, at any
period of his life, it is ditRcult to deteririine. Heath, one of his
professed eneiuies, assures us, in his f lagelluin, that there was
no foundation for the report.
Colonel Pride had been a brewer: Colonel Hewson was first a
shoemaker, then a brewer's clerk : and Scott had been clerk to a
brewer.
* This and the preceding couplet were in the first editions,
but afterwards left out in the author's copy.
t Nothing can be more completely droll, than this description
of Hudibras mounting his horse. He had one stirrup tied on the
off-side very short, the saddle very large ; the knight short, fat,
and deformed, having his breeches and pockets stuti'ed with
black puddings and other provision, overacting his effort tu
mount, and nearly tumbling over on the opposite side ; his sin-
gle spur, we may suppose, catching in some of his horse's faini-
ture.
54 HUDIBRAS, [Part ,
It doth behove us to say something
Of that which bore our valiant bumkin.*
The beast was sturdy, large, and tall.
With mouth of meal, and e^es of wall ;
I would say eye, for h' had but one, 425
As most agree, though some say none.
He was well stay'd, and in his gait,
Preserv'd a grave, majestic state.
At spur or switch no more he skipt,
Or mended pace, tnan Spaniard whipt :t 430
And yet so fiery, he would bound.
As if he griev'd to touch the ground :
That Caesar's horse, who, as fame goes,
Had corns upon his feet and toes,t
VVas not by half so tender-hooft, 435
Nor trod upon the ground so soft :
And as that beast would kneel and stoop,
Some write, to take his rider up,§
* A silly country fellow, or awkward stick of wood, from the
Belgbooni, arbor, and ken, or kin, a diminutive.
t This alludes to the story of a Spaniard, who was condemned
to run the gantlet, and disdained to avoid any part of the punish-
ment by mending his pace.
i Suetonius relates, that the hoofs of CEsar's horse were di-
vided like toes. And again, Lycosthenes, de prodigiis et por-
tentis, p. 214, has the following passage: ".Julius Ceesar cum
"LusitaniiE prteesset — equus insignis, fissis unguibus anteriorum
"pedum, et propeiiioduni digitorum humanorum natusest; ferox
"admodum, atque elatus: quem natuiii apud se,cuiu auruspices
" iniperiuin orbis terrs significare domino pronunliassent, magn^
"cnrEl aluit; nee patientem sessoris alterius, primus ascendit i
"cuJHS etiam signum pro .<Ede Veneris genetrieis postea dedica-
"vit." — The statue of Julius Ccesar's horse, which was placed
before the temple of Venus Genetri.x, had the hoofs of the fore
feet parted 'ike the toes of a man. Montfaucon's Antiq. v. ii. p. 58
In Havercamp's Medals of Christina, on the reverse of a coin
of Gnrdianus Pius, pi. 34, is represented an horse with two hu-
man fore feet, or rather one a foot, the other a hand. Arion is
said, by the scholiast, on Statius Theb. vi. ver. 301, to have had
the feet of a man — humano vestigio dextri pedis.
§ Stirrups were not in use in the time of Ca;sar. Common
persons, who were active and hardy, vaulted into their seats;
and persons of distinction had their horses taught to bend down
toward the ground, or else they were assisted by their strators
or equerries. Q,. Curtius mentions a remarkable instance of do-
cility of the elephants in the army of king Porus : " Indus more
"solito elephantnm procumhere jussit in genua; qui ut se sub-
" missit, ceteri quoque, ita cnim instituti erant, demisere corpora
" in terram." I know no writer who relates that Caesar's horse
would kneel; and perhaps Mr. Butler's memory deceived him.
Of Bucephalus, the favored steed of Alexander, it is said — "ille
"nee in dorso insidere suo patiebatur alium ; et regem, quum
"vellet ascendere sponte sua genua submittens, excipiebat; cie-
"debaturque sentire quem veheret." See also Diodor. Sicul. et
r*j<TO I.] HLPIBRAS. 55
So Hudibras his, 'tis well known,
Would often do, to set him down. 440
We shall not need to say what lack
Of leather was upon his back :
For that was hidden under pad,
And breech of Knight gall'd full as bad.
His strutting ribs on botii sides show'd 445
Like furrows he himself had plow'd :
For underneath the skirt of pannel,
'Twixt every two there was a channel.
His draggling tail hung in the dirt,
Which on his rider he would flirt ; 4"50
Still as his tender side he prickt.
With arm'd heel, or with unarm'd, kickt ;
For Hudibras wore but one spur.
As wisely knowing, could he stir
To active trot one side of 's horse, 455
The other would not hang an arse.
A Squire he had, whose name was Ralph,*
rUitarch, de solert. animal. Mr. Butler, in his MS. Commoa-
place Book, applies the saddle to the right horse ; for he says,
Like Bucephalus's brutish honor,
Would have none mount but the right owner. •
Hudibras's horse is described very much in the same manner
with that of Don Quixote's lean, stifl", jaded, foundered, with a
sharp ridge of bones. Rozinante, liowever, could boast of "mas
"quartos que un real" — an equivoque entirely lost in most
translations. Quarto signifies a crack, or chop, in a horse's hoof
or heel : it also signifies a small piece of money, several of which
go to make a real.
* As the knight was of the Presbyterian party, so the squire
was an Analiaptist or Independent. This gives our author an
opportunity of characterizing both these sects, and of shewing
their joint concurrence against the king and church.
The Presbyterians and Independents had each a separate form
of church discipline. The Presbyterian system appointed, for
every parish, a minister, one or more deacons, and two ruling
elders, who were laymen chosen by the parishioners. Each
parish was suliject to a classis, or union of several parishes. A
deputation of two ministers and four ruling elders, from every
classis in the county, constituted a provincial synod. And su-
perior to the provincial was the national synod, consisting
of deputies from the former, in the proportion of two ruling
elders to one minister. Appeals were allowed throughout these
several jurisdictions, and ultimately to the parliament. On the
attachment of the Presbyterians to their lay-elders, Mr. Seldon
observes in his Table-talk, p. 118, that " there mast be some lay-
" men in the synod to overlook the clergy, lest they spoil tiie
" civil work : just as when the good woman puts a cat into the
" milk-house, she sends her maid to look after the cat, lest the
"cat should eat up the cream."
The Independents maintained, that every congregation was a
Wmplete church within itself, and had no dependence on clas-
56 HUDIBRAS. [Paiit i
That in th' adventure went his half
Though writers, for more stately tone,
Do call him Ralpho, 'tis all one : 4G8
And when we can, with metre safe,
We'll call him so, if not, plain Raph ;*
For rhyme the rudder is of verses,
With which, like ships, they steer their courses.
An equal stock of wit and valor 4f>5
He had lain in, by birth a tailor.
The mighty Tyrian queen that gain'd.
With subtle shreds, a tract of laud,i
Did leave it, with a castle fair,
To his great ancestor, her heir ; 470
From him descended cross-legg'd knights,t
Fam'd for their faith and warlike fights
Against the bloody Canuibal,§
Bical, provincial, or national synods or assemblies. They chose
their own ministers, and required no ordination or laying on of
hands, as the Presl)yterians did. They adujitted any gifted bro-
ther, that is, any enthusiast who thought he could preach oi
pray, into their assemblies. They entered into covenant with
their minister, and he with them. Soon after the Revolution
the Presbyterians and Independents coalesced, the former yield-
ing^in some respects to the latter.
* Paulino Ausonius, nietrum sic suasit, ut esses
Tu prior, et nomen praegrederere meum.
Sir Roger L'Estrange supposes, that in his description of Ral
pho, (lur author had in view one Isaac Robinson, a butcher in
IMoorfields: others think that the character was designed for
Premble, a tailor, and one of the committee of sequestrators.
Dr. Grey supposes, that the name of Ralph was taken from the
grocer's apprentice, in Beaumont and Fletcher's play, called the
Knight of the Burning Pestle. Sir. Pemberton, who was a rela-
tion and godson of Mr. Butler, said, that the 'squire was designed
for Ralph Bedford, esquire, member of parliament for the town
of Bed lord.
t The allusion is to the well-known story of Dido, who pur-
chased as much land as she could surround with an ox's hide.
She cut the hide into small strips, and obtained twenty-two fur-
longs.
Mercatique solum, facti de nomine Byrsam,
Taurine quantum possent circumdare tergo.
Virg. iEneid, lib. i. 367.
X Tailors, who usually sit at their work in this posture ; and
knights of the Holy Voyage, persons who had marie a vow to go
to the Holy Land, after death were represented on their monu-
ments with their legs across. "Sumptuosissima per orbem
" christianum erecta coenobia ; in quibus hodie quoque videre
" licet militum illorum imagines, monumenta, tibiis in crucera
" transversis : sic enim sepuiti fuerunt quotquot illo seculo nom-
"ina bello sacro dedissent, vel qui tunc temporis crucem susce-
" pissent." Chronic. Ecclesiast. lib. ii. p. 7-.
^ Tailors, as well as knights of the Holy Voyage, are famed
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 57
Whom they destroy'd both great and Email.
This sturdy Squire had, as well 47J
As the bold Trojan knight, seen hell,*
Not with a counterfeited pass
Of golden bough, t but true gold lace.
His knowledge was not far behind
The knight's, but of another kind, 480
And he another way came by't ;
Some call it gifts, and some new light.
A lib'ral art that costs no pains
Of study, industry, or brains.
His wits were sent him for a token, 485
But in the carriage crack'd and broken.!
Like commendation ninepence crookt,
With — to and from my lov« — it lookt.§
for their faith, the former frequently trusting much in the way
of their trade. The words, bloody cannibal, are not altogether
applied to the Saracens, who, on many occasions, behaved with
great generosity ; but they denote a more insignificant creature,
to whom the tailor is said to be an avowed enemy.
* In allusion to ^neas's descent into hell, and the tailor's re-
pairing to the place under the board on which he sat to work,
called hell likewise, being a receptacle for all the stolen scraps
of cloth, lace, &c.
t Mr. Montagu* Bacon says, it should seem, by these lines',
that the poet thought Virgil meant a counterfeited bough; Dr.
riot, in his History of Staffordshire, says, that gold in the mines
often grows in the shape of boughs, and branches, and leaves;
therefore Virgil, who understood nature well, though he gave it
a poetical turn, means no more than a sign of jEneas's going
under ground where mines are.
t That is, that he was crack-brained.
§ From this passage, and from the proverb used, (Post. Works,
V. ii. No. 114,) viz., "he has brought his noble to a ninepence,"
one would be led to conclude that some coins had actually been
strucken of this denomination and value. And, indeed, two in-
stances of this are recorded by Mr. Folkes, both during the civil
wars, the one at Dublin, and the other at Newark. Table of
English coins, ed. 1763, p. 92, plates 27, 4, and 28. But long be-
fore this period, by royal proclamation of July 9, 1551, the base
testoons or shillings of Henry VIII. and Edward VI. were rated
it ninepence, (Folkes, ibid. p. 37,) and of these there were great
nuKibers. It may be conjectured also, that the dipt shillings of
Edward and Elizabeth, and, perhaps, some foreign silver coins,
might pass by conunon allowance and tacit agreement for nine-
pence, and be so called. In William Prynne's answer to John
Audland the Quaker, in Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 382,
we read, a light piece of gold is good and lawful English coin,
current with allowance, though it be dipt, filed, washed, or
worn: even so are my ears legal, warrantable, and suthcient
ears, however they have been dipt, par'd, cropt, circumcis'd.
In Queen Elizabeth's time, as Holinshed, Stow, and Camden
affirm, a proclamation was issued, declaring that the testoons
coined for twelve-pence, should be current for four-pence half
penny ; an inferior sort, marked with a greyhound, for iwo-penee
3*
58 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
He ne'er consider'd it, as loth*
To look a gift horse in the mouth ; 490
And very wisely would lay forth
No more upon it than 'twas worth,t
But as he got it freely, so
He spent it frank and freely too.
For saints themselves will sometimes be, 495
Of gifts that cost them nothing, free.
By means of this, with hem and cough,
Prolongers to enlighten'd snufF,t
He cjuld deep mysteries unriddle,
farthing; and a third and worst sort not to be current at all:
stamping and milling money looli place about the year 1662.
All or any of these pieces might serve for pocket-pieces among
the vulgar, and be given to their sweethearts or comrades, as
tokens of remembrance and afTection. At this day an Eliza-
beth's shilling is notunfrequently applied to such purpose. The
country people say commonly, I will use your commendations,
that is, make your compliments. George Philips, before his
execution, bended a sixpence, and presented it to a friend of his,
Mr. Stroud. He gave a bended shilling to one Mr. Clark. See a
brief narrative of the stupendous tragedy intended by the satan-
ical saints, 1662, p. .59.
* That is, he did not consider it was crackt and broken, or per-
haps it may mean, he did not overvalue, and hoard it up, it
being given him by inspiration, according to the doctrine of the
Independents.
t When the barber came to shave Sir Thomas More the
morning of his execution, the prisoner told him, " that there
" was a contest betwixt the King and him for his head, and he
" would not willingly lay out more upon it than it was worth."
t Prolonirers to enlighteiid snuff. — This reading seems con-
firmed by Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 55, and I prefer it
to "enlightened stuff." Enlightened snuff is a good allusion.
As a lamp just expiring with a faint light for want of oil, emits
flashes at intervals ; so the tailor's shallow discourse, like the
extempore preaching of his brethren, was lengthened out vi^ith
hems and coughs, with stops and pauses, for want of matter.
The preachers of those days considered hems, nasal tones, and
coughs, as graces of oratory. Some of their discourses are printed
with breaks and marginal notes, which shew where the preacher
introduced his emhellishraents.
The expiring state of the lamp has furnished Mr. Addison
with a beautiful simile in his Cato :
Thus o'er the dying lamp th' unsteady flame
Hangs quivering on a point, leaps off by fits,
And falls again, as loath to quit its hold
And Mr. Butler, Part iii. Cant. ii. I. 349, says,
Prolong the snuffof life in pain.
And from the grave recover — gain.
See also Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 374. " And this serves
"thee to the same purpose that hem's and hah's do thy gifted
"ghostly fathers, that is, to lose time, and put ofl"thy commodity."
Butler seems fond of this expression : " the s naff of the moon
U fall as harsh as the snntf of a sermon."
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 59
As easily as thread a needle ; 500
For as of vagabonds we say,
That tliey are ne'er beside their way
Whate'er men speak by this new light,
Still they are sure to be i' th' light,
'Tis a d:»rk-lanthorn of the spirit, 505
Which none see by but those that bear it ;
A light thai, falls down from on high,*
For spiritual trades to cozen by :
4.n ignis fatuus, that bewitches,
And leads men into pools and ditches,t 510
To make them dip themselves, and sound
For Christendom in dirty pond ;
To dive, like wild-fowl, for salvation.
And fish to catch regeneration.
This light inspires, aud plays upon 515
The nose of saint, like bagpipe drone,
And speaks through hollow empty soul.
As through a trunk, or whisp'ring hole,
Such language as no mortal ear
But spiritual eaves-droppers can hear. 520
So Phoebus, or some friendly muse.
Into small poets song infuse ;
Which they at second-hand rehearse.
Thro' reed or bagpipe, verso for verse
Thus Ralph became infallible, 525
As three or four legg'd oracle.
The ancient cup or modern chair ;l
Spoke truth point blank, though unaware.
For mystic learning wondrous able
In magic talisman, and cabal, § 530
* A burlesfiue parallel between the spiritual gifts, and the
eky-lights which tradesmen sometimes have in their shops tc
shew tlieir goods to advantage.
t An humorous parallel between the vapory exhalation
which misleads the traveller, and tlie re-baptizing practised by
the Anabaptists.
X "Is not this the cup, sal th Joseph's steward, wherel)y in-
deed my lord divined 1" The Pope's dictates are said to be
infallible, when he delivers thera ex cathedra. The priestess
of Apollo at Delphos used a three-legged stool when she gave
out her oracles. From Joseph's cup, perhaps, came the idea of
telling fortunes by cofiee grounds.
Four-legged oracle, means telling fortunes from quadrupeds.
The word oracle occurs in like latitude, p. 2, c. iii. v. 569.
$ Talisman was a nitigical inscription or figure, engraven, or
cast, by the direction of astrologers, under certain positions of
the heavenly bodies. The talisman of Apolhonius, which stood
in the hippodrome at Oonstantinople, was a brazen eagle It
60 HUDIBRAS. .PARTi
Whose primitive tradition reaches,
As far as Adam's first gfreeii breeches :*
Deep-sigiited iu intelligences,
Ideas, atoms, influences ;
And much of terra incognita, 53i
Til' intelligible world could say ;t
A deep occult philosopher.
As learn'd as the wild Irish are,t
was melted down when the Latins took that city. They were
thoiiglit to have great ethcacy as preservatives from disease and
all kinds of evil. The image of any vermin cast in the precise
moment, under a particular position of the stars, was supposed
to destroy the vermin represented. Some make Apojlonius
Ty'^i'EUS the inventor of talismans: but they were probably of
still higher antiquity. Necepsus, a king of Egypt, wrote a treatise
De ratione prasciendi I'utura, &.c. Thus Ausonius, Epist. 19.
Pontic Paulino — " Quique magos docuit mysteria vana Necep-
sus." The Greeks called them rsXro^mra, but the name proba-
bly is Arabic. Gregory's account of tliem is learned a-nd copious.
Cabal, or cabbala, is a sort of divination by letters or numbers :
it signifies likewise the secret or mysterious doctrines of any
religion or sect. The Jews pretend to have received their cab-
bala from Moses, or even from Adam. "Aiunt se conservasse
a temporilius Mosis, vel etiam ipsius Adami, doctrinam quandam
arcanam dictam cabalani." Burnet's Archeol. Philosoph.
* The author of the Magia Adamica endeavors to prove, that
the learning of the ancient INIagi was derived from the know-
ledge which God himself communicated to Adam in paradise.
The second line was probably intended to burlesque the Gene-
va translation of the Bible, published with notes. 1599, which
in the third of Genesis, says of Adam and Eve, " they sewed
lig-leaves together, and made themselves breeches." In Mr.
Butler's character of an hermetic philosopher, (Genuine Re
mains, vol. ii. p. 227,) we read : " he derives the pedigree of ma-
" gic from Adam's first green breeches ; because tig-leaves being
"the first deaths that mankind wore, were only used for cover-
" ing, and therefore are the most antient monuments of con-
"cealed mysteries."
t " ideas, according to my philosophy, are not in the s.iul,
"but in a superior intelligible nature, wherein the soul only
" beholds and contemplates them. And so they are only ob-
"jcctively in the soul, or tanquam in cognoscente, but really
" elsewhere, even in the intelligible world, that Koe^ioi voi/rbs
" which Plato speaks of to which the soul is united, and where
"she beholds them." See Mr. Norris's Letter to Mr. Dodvvell,
concerning the immortality of the soul of man, p. 114.
i See the ancient and modern customs of the Irish, in Cam-
den's Britannia, and Speed's Theatre. Here the poet may use
his favorite fisiure, the anticlimax. Vet I am not certain whether
Mr. Butler did not mean, in earnest, to c;ill the Irish learned:
for in the age of St. Patrick, the Saxons flocked to Ireland as to
the great mart of learning. We find it often mentioned in our
writers, that such an one was sent into Ireland to be educated
Sulgenus, who flourished about six hundred years ago —
Exemplo patrum commotus amore legend!
Ivit ad Hibernos, sophist mirabile claros.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 61
Or Sir Agrippa, for profound
And solid lying much renown'd :* 540
He Anthroposoplius, and Floud,
And Jacob Behmeu understood ;t
Knew many an amulet and charm,
That would do neither good nor harm ;
In Mr. Butler's MS. Common-place book he says, " When the
Saxons invaded the Britons, it is very probable that many fled
"into foreign countries, to avoid the fury of their arms, (as the
" Veneti did into the islands of the Adriatic sea, when Atlila
"invaded Italy,) and some, if not most into Ireland, who car-
"ried with them that learning which the Romans had planted
" here, which, when the Sa.\ons had nearly extinguished it in
"this island, flourished at so high a rate there, that most of
" those nations, among whom the northern people had intro-
" duced barbarism, beginning to recover a little civility, were
" glad to send their children to be instructed in religion and
" learning, into Ireland."
* Sir Agrippa was born at Cologn, ann. 1486, and knighted for
his military services under the Emperor Maximilian. When
very young, he published a book De Occulta Philosophia, which
contains almost all the stories that ever roguery invented, or
credulity swallowed concerning the operations of magic. But
Agrippa was a man of great worth and honor, as well as of
great learning ; and in his riper years was thoroughly ashamed
of this book; nor is it to be found in the folio edition of his
works. — In his preface he says, " Si alicubi erratum sit, sive
"quid liberius dictum, ignoscite adolescentiae nostr.i;, qui minor
" quam adolescens hoc opus composui : ut possim me cxcusare,
" ac dicere, dum eram parvulus, loquebar ut parvulus, factus
" auteni vir, evacuavi quas erant parvuli ; ac in libro de vanilate
"scientiarum hunc librum magna ex parte retractavi." — Paulus
Jovius in his " Elogia doctorum Virorum," says of Sir Agrippa,
" a Cffisare eruditioiiis ergo equeslris ordinis dignitate honesta-
" tiis." p. 237. Bayle, in his Dictionary v. Agrippa, note O,
says that the fourth book was untruly ascribed to Agrippa.
t Anthroposophus was a nickname given to one Thomas Vaugh-
an, Rector of Saint Bridge's, in Bedfordshire, and author of a
discourse on the nature of man in the state after death, entitled,
Anihroposophia Theomagica. — "A treatise," says Dean Swift,
" written about fifty years ago, by a Welch gentleman of Cam-
" bridge : his name, as I remember, was Vaughan, as appears
" by the answer to it written by the learned Dr. Henry Moor:
"it is a piece of the most unintelligible fustian that perhaps
" was ever published in any language."
Robert Floud, a native of Kent, and son of Sir Thomas Floud,
Treasurer of War to Queen Elizabeth, was Doctor of Physic of
St. John'sCollege, Oxford, and much given to occult philosophy
He wrote an apology for the Rosycrucians, also a system of
physics, called the Mosaic Philosophy, and many other obscurs
and mystical tracts. Monsieur Rapin says, that Floud was ths
Paracelsus of philosophers, as Paracelsus was the Floud of phy-
sicians. His opinions were thought worthy of a serious confu-
tation by Gassendi. Jacob Behnien was an impostor and en-
thusiast, of somewhat an earlier date, by trade, I believe, a cob-
bler. Mr. Law, who revived some of his notions, calls him a
Theosopher. He wrote uninteligibly in d.ark mystical terms.
62 HUDIBRAS. JPart t
In Rosycrucian lore as learned,* 545
As he that verfe adeptus earned :
He understood the speech of birdst
* The Rosycrucians were a sect of hermetical philosophers
The name appears to be derived from ros, dew, and cruz, a cross
Dew was supposed to be the most powerful solvent of gold ; and
a cross + contains the letters which compose the word lux,
light, called, in the jargon of the sect, the seed or menstruum
of the red dragon ; or, in other words, that gross and corporeal
light, which, properly modified, produces gold. They owed their
origin to a German gentleman, called Christian Rosencruz ; and
from him likewise, perhaps, their name of Rosycrucians, though
they frequently went by other names, such as the Illuminati,
the Immortales, the Invisible Brothers. This gentleman had
travelled to the Holy Land in the fourteenth century, and formed
an acquaintance with some eastern philojophers. They were-
noticed in England before the beginning of the last century.
Their learning had a great mixture of enthusiasm ; and as
Lemery, the famous chymist, says, " it was an art without an
" art, whose beginning was lying, whose middle was labor, and
" whose end was beggary." Mr. Hales, of Eton, concerning
the weapon salve, p. 28-2, says, "a rnerry guUery put upon the
" world ; a grild of men, who style themselves the brethren of
" the Rosycross ; a fraternity, who, what, or where they are, no
" man yet, no not they who believe, admire, and devote them-
" selves unto them, could ever discover." — See Chaufepie's
Diet. V. Jungius, note D ; and Brucker. Hist. Critic. Phil. iv. i. p.
736. Naudanis and Mosheim. Inst. Hist. Christ, recent, sec. 17.
I. 4, 28. — Lore, i. e. science, knowledge, from Anglo-Saxon, learn,
leeran, to teach.
t The senate and people of Abdera, in their letter to Hippo-
crates, give it as an instance of the madness of Democritus, that
he pretended to understand the language of birds. Porphyry,
de abstinentia, lib. iii. cap. 3, contends that animals have a lan-
guage, and that men may understand it. He instances in Me-
lanipus and Tiresias of old, and Apollonius of Tyana, who heard
one swallow proclaim to the rest, that by the fall of an ass a
quantity of wheat lay scattered upon the road. I believe swal-
lows do not eat wheat. [Certainly not.] Philostratus tells us
the same tale, with more propriety, of a sparrow. Porphyry
adds, — "a friend assured me that a youth, who was liis page,
" understood all the articulations of birds, and that they were
"all prophetic. But the boy was unhappily deprived of the
" faculty ; for his mother, fearing he should be sent as a present
" to the emperor, took an opportunity, when he was asleep, to
" piss into his ear." The author of the Targum on Esther says,
that Solomon understood the speech of birds.
The reader will be amused by comparing the above lines with
Mr. Butler's character of an Hermetic philosopher, in the second
volume of his Genuine Remains, published by Mr. Thyer, p. 225,
a character which contains much wit. Mr. Bruce in his Trav-
els, vol. ii. p. 243, says. There was brought into Abyssinia a bird
called Para, about the V.jness of a hen, and spoke all languages,
Indian, Portuguese, and Arabic. It named the king's name ;
although its voice was that of a man, it could neigh like a horse,
and mew like a cat, but did not sing like a bird— from an Histori-
an of that country.— In the year 1055, a book was printed in
London, by John Staflbrd, entitled, Ornithologie, or the Speech
■ Birds, to which probably Mr. Butler might allude.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 63
As well as they themselves do words ;
Could tell what subtlest parrots mean,
That speak and think contrary clean ; 550
What member 'tis of whom they talk,
When they cry Rope — and Walk, Knave, walL*
He'd extract numbers out of raatter.+
And keep them in a glass, like water.
Of sov'reign pow'r to make men wise :* 555
For, dropt in blear, thick-sighted eyes.
They'd make them see in darkest night,
Like owls, tho' purblind in the hght.
By help of these, as he profest,
He had first matter seen undrest : 5M
He took her naked, all alone,
Before one rag c form was on.§
The chaos too ^ had descry'd.
And seen quiV ;;ro', or else he ly'd : -
Not that of pasteboard, which men shew 565
For groats, at fair of Barthol'mew ;|1
But its great grandsire, first o' th' name.
Whence that and Reformation came,
Both cousin-germans, and right able
T' inveigle and draw in the rabble : 570
But Reformation was, some say.
* This probably alludes to some parrot, that was taught to cry
rogue, knave, a rope, after persons as they went along the street.
The same is often practised now, to the greatotlenceof many an
honest countryman, wlio when he complains to the owner of
the al)use, is told by him, Take care, sir, my parrot prophesies —
this miglit allude to more members than one of the liouse of
commons.
t Every absurd notion, that could be picked up from the an-
cients, was adopted by the wild enthusiasts of our author's days.
Plato, as Aristotle informs us, Metaph. lib. i. c. 6, conceived
numbers to e.xist by themselves, besides the sensibles, like acci-
dents without a substance. Pythayoras maintained that sensi-
ble things consisted of numbers, lb. lib. xi. c. 6. And see Plato
in his Cratylus.
t The Pythagorean philosophy held that there were certain
mystical cliarras in certain numbers.
Plato held whatsoe'er encumbers,
Or strengthens empire, comes from numbers.
Butler's MS.
§ Thus Cleveland, page 110. " The next ingredient of a diur
nal is plots, horrible plots, which with wonderful sagacity it
bunts dry foot, while they are yet in their causes, before materia
prima can put on her smock."
II The puppet-shews, sometimes called Moralities, exhibited
the chaos, the creation, the flood, &c.
64 HUDIBRAS. [Part t
O' th' younger house to puppet-play.*
He could foretel whats'ever was,
By consequence, to come to pass :
As death of great men, alterations, 575
Diseases, battles, inundations :
All this without th' eclipse of th' sun,
Or dreadful comet, he hath done
By INWARD LIGHT, a Way as good.
And easy to be understood : 580
But with more lucky hit tlian those
That use to make the stars depose.
Like knights o' th' post,t and falsely charge
Upon themselves what others forge ;
As if they were consenting to 585
All mischief in the world men do :
Or, like the devil, did tempt and sway 'em
To rogueries, and then betray 'em.
They'll search a planet's house, to know
Who broke and robb'd a house below ; 590
Examine Venus and the Moon,
Who stole a thimble and a spoon ;
And tho' they nothing will confess,
Yet by their very looks can guess,
And tell what guilty aspect bodes,t 595
* It has not been usual to compare hypocrites to puppets, as
not being what they seemed and pretended, nor having any true
meaning or real consciousness in what they said or did. I re-
member two passages, written about our author's time, from one
of which he might possibly talve the hint. " Even as statues
"and puppets do move their eyes, their hands, their feet, lilve
"unto living men ; and yet are not living actois, because their
" actions come not from an inward suul, the fountain of life, but
" from the artificial poise of weights when set by the workmen;
" even so hypocrites." Mr. Mede.
Bishop Laud said, " that some hypocrites, and seeming morti-
" fied men that hold down their heads, were like little images
" that they place in the bowing of the vaults of churches, that
" look as if they held up the church, and yet are but puppets."
The first plays acted in England were called Mysteries ; their
subjects were generally scripture stories, such as the Creation,
the Deluge, the Birth of Christ, the Resurrection, &c. &c. ; this
sort of puppet-shew induced many to read the Old and New
Testament; and is therefore called the Elder Brother of the
Reformation.
t Knights of the post were infamous persons, who attended
the courts of justice, to swear for hire to things which they
knew nothing about. In the 14lh and loth centuries the common
people were so profligate, that not a few of them lived by swear-
ing for hire in courts of justice. See Henry's History of Eng-
land, and Wilkin. Concil. p. 53-1.
i This, and the following lines, are a very ingenious bur-
lesque upon astrology to which many in those days gave credit-
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 65
Who stole, and who receiv'd the goods :
They'll question Mars, and, by his look.
Detect who 'twas that nimm'd a cloke ;
Make Mercury confess, and 'peach
Those thieves which he himself did teach :* COO
They'll find i' th' physiognomies
O' th' planets, all men's destinies ;
Like him that took the doctor's bill.
And swallow'd it instead o' th' pill,t
Cast the nativity o' th' question, + 605
And from positions to be guest on.
As sure as if they knew the moment
Of Native's birth, tell what will come ou t
They'll feel the pulses of the stars,
To find out agues, coughs, catarrhs ; GIO
And tell what crisis does divine
The rot in sheep, or mange in swine :
In men, what gives or cures the itch.
What made them cuckolds, poor, or rich ;
What gains, or loses, hangs, or saves, C15
What makes men great, what fools, or knaves ;
But not what wise, for only of those
The stars, they say, cannot dispose, §
No more than can the astrologians :
There they say right, and like true Trojans. C20
* Mercury was supposed by the poets to be the patron, or god
of thieves.
t This alludes to a well-known story told in Henry Stephen's
apology for Herodotus. A physican having prescribed for a
countryman, gave him the paper on which he had written, and
told him, he must be sure to take that, meaning the potion he
had therein ordered. The countryman, misunderstanding the
doctor, wrapt up the paper like a bolus, swallowed it, and was
cured.
i When any one came to an astrologer to have his child's
nativity cast, and had forgotten the precise time of its birth, the
figure-caster took the position of the heavens at the minute the
question was asked.
Mr. Butler, in his character of an hermetic philosopher, (see
Genuine Remains, vol. ii. p. 241,) says, " learned astrologers ob-
" serving the impossibility of knowing the exact moment of any
"man's birth, do use very prudently to cast the nativity of tha
" question, (like him that swallowed the doctor's bill instead of
" the medicine,) and find the answer as certain and infallible, as
"if they had known the very instant in which the native, as
"they call him, crept into the world."
5 Sapiens dominabitiir astris, was an old proverb among the
astrologers. Bishop VVarburton observes, that the obscurity in
these lines arises from the double sense of the word Dispose ;
when it relates to the stars, it signifies infiuence ; when it relates
to astrologers it signifies deceive.
66 HUDIBRAS. [Part t
This Ralpho knew, and therefore tajk
The other course of which we spoke.*
Thus was th' accomphsh'd squire endu'd
With gifts and knowledge per'lous shrewd.
Never did trusty squire with knight, 625
Or knight with squire, e'er junjp more right.
Their arms and equipage did fit.
As weU as virtues, parts, and wit :
Their valors, too, were of a rate,
And out they sally'd at the gate. 630
Few miles on horseback had they jogged.
But fortune unto them turn'd dogged ;
For they a sad adventure met.
Of which we now prepare to treat :
. But ere we venture to unfold o35
Achieve'ments so resolv'd, and bold.
We should, as learned poets use.
Invoke th' assistance of some muse ;t
However critics count it sillier.
Than jugglers talking t' a familiar : 640
We think 'tis no great matter which ,\
They're all alike, yet we shall pitch
On one that fits our purpose most.
Whom therefore thus we do accost : —
Thou that with ale or viler liquors, 645
Didst inspire Withers, Piyn, and Vickars,§
* Ralpho did not take to astrological, but to reliiiious impos-
ture ; the autlior intimating tliat wise men were sometimes de-
ceived by tliis.
t Butler could not omit burlesquing the solenm Invocations
with wliich poets address their Muses. In like manner .luvenal,
going to describe Domitian's great turbot, ludicrously invokes
the assistance of the Muses in his fourth satire.
t Bishop Warburton thinks it should be read, They think, tha.
Is the critics.
§ The Rev. Mr. Charles Dunster, the learned and ingenious
translator of the Frogs of Aristophanes, and the Editor of
Philips's Cider, has taken some pains to vindicate the character
of Withers as a poet. Party might induce Butler to speak slight-
ingly of him ; but he seems to wonder why Swift, and Granger
in his Biographical History, should hold him up as an object of
contempt. His works are very numerous, and Mr. Granger says,
his Eclogues are esteemed the best ; but Mr. Dunster gives a
few lines from his Britain's Remembrancer, a poem in eight
Cantos, written upon occasion of the plague, which raged in
London in the year 1625, which bear some resemblance to east-
ern poetry : two pieces of his, by no means contemptible, are
published among the old English ballads, and extracts chiefly
lyrical, from his Juvenilia, were printed in 1785, for J. Sewelt.
Cornhill.
George Withers died 1667, aged 79.— For a further account ot
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 67
And force them, though it were in spite
Of Nature, and their stars, to write ;
Who, as we find in sullen writs,*
And cross-grain'd works of modem wits, 650
With vanity, opinion, want,
Tllfe wonder of the ignorant.
The praises of the author, penn'd
By himself, or wit-insuring friend ;t
The itch of picture in the front, t 655
With bays, and wicked rhyme upon't.
him, see Rennet's Register and Chronicle, page 648 : He is men-
tioned in Hudibras, Part ii. Canto iii. 1. 1G9.
The extract from his Britain's Remembrancer here follows,
which, Mr. Dunster says, may perhaps challenge " comparison
" with any instance of the dibs airb fii']X<^>''ii ^f ancient or mod-
"ern poetry."
it prov'd
A crpng sin, and so extremely niov'd
God's gentleness, that angry he became :
His brows were bended, and his eyes did flame.
Melhought I saw it so ; and though I were
Afraid within his presence to appear,
Rly soul was rais'd above her common station.
Where, what ensues, I view'd by contemplation.
There is a spacious round, which bravely rears
Her arch above the top of all the spheres,
Until her bright circumference doth rise,
Above the reach of man's, or angels' eyes.
Conveying, through the bodies chrystalline,
Those rays which on our lower globes do shine;
And all the great and lesser orbs do lie
Within the compass of their canopy.
In this large room of state is fix'd a throne,
From whence the wise Creator looks upon
His workmanship, and thence doth hear and see
All sounds, all places, and all things that be :
Here sat the king of gods, and from about
His eye-lids so much terror sparkled out.
That every circle of the heavens it shook,
And all the world did tremble at his look
The prospect of the sky, that erst was clear,
Did with a low'ring countenance appear;
The troubled air before his presence tied.
The earth into her bosom shrunk her head ;
The deeps did roar, the heights did stand amaz'd
The moon and stars upon each other gaz'd ;
The sun did stand unmoved in his path,
The host of heaven was frighted at his wrath ;
And with a voice, which made all nature quake.
To this effect the great Eternal spake. Canto i. p. 17
* That is, ill-natured satirical writings.
T He very ingeniously ridicules the vanity of authors who
prefix commendatory verses to their works.
+ Milton, who had a high opinion of his own person, is said
'o have been angry with the painter or engraver for want of
68 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
All that is left o' th' forked hill*
To make men scribble without skill ;
Canst make a poet, spite of fate,
And teach ail people to translate ; 660
Thougli out of languages, in which
They understand no part of speech ;
Assist me but this once, I 'mplore,
And I shall trouble thee no more.
In western clime there is a town,t 663
To those that dwell therein well known,
Therefore there needs no more be said here,
We unto them refer our reader ;
For brevity is very good,
When w' are, or are not understood.t 670
To this town people did repair
On days of market, or of fair.
And to crack'd fiddle, and hoarse tabor,
In merriment did drudge and labor ;
But now a sport more formidable 675
Had rak'd together village rabble :
'Twas an old way of recreating,
Which learned butchers call bear-baiting ;
A bold advent'rous exercise,
With ancient heroes in high prize ; 680
For authors do affirm it came
From Isthmian or Nemean game ;
Others derive it from the bear
That's fix'd m northern hemisphere,
likeness, or perhaps for want of grace, in a print of himself pre
fixed to his juvenile poems. He e.xpressed his displeasure in
four iambics, which have, indeed, no great merit, and lie open
to severe criticism, particularly on the word ivafiijiriiia.
'Ai^aOu ytyiidipOai x«ip( ri/vSe jiiu fiKova
^ai;jg Td)(^' av, ttoos c7&oi avToipves fiXi^ruv.
Toi/ 5' Iktvkutov ovk iTTtyvdvTes, (piXoi,
TzKaTC (pauXov bvafxijiriixa ^uypa^ou.
♦ That is, Parnassus ,
Nee fonte labra proUii caballino:
Nee in bicipiti somniasse Parnasso
Memini, ut repente sic pocta prodirem.
Persii Sat. Prol
t He probably means Brentford, about eight miles west oi
London. See Part ii. Canto iii. v. 996.
J If we are understood, more words are unnecessary; if W6
are not likely to be understood, they are useless. Charles II.
answered the Earl of Manchester with these lines, only chang
Ing verij for ever., when he was making a long speech in favol
of the dissenters.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 69
And round about the poles does make C85
A circle, like a bear at stake,
That at the chain's end wheels about,
And overturns the rabble-rout :
For after solemn proclamation,* .
In the bear's name, as is the fashion, 690
According to the law of arms.
To keep men from inglorious harms,
lliat none presume to come so near
As forty feet of stake of bear ;
If any yet be so fool-hardy, 695
T' expose themselves to vain jeopardy,
If they come wounded off and lame,
No honor's got by such a maim,
Altho' the bear gain much, b'ing bound
In honour to make good his ground, 700
When he's engag'd, and take no notice.
If any press upon him, who 'lis.
But lets them know, at their own cost.
That he intends to keep his post.
This to prevent, and other harms, 705
Which always wait on feats of arms.
For in the hurry of a fray
'Tis hard to keep out of harm s way.
Thither the Knight his course did steer.
To keep the peace 'twixt dog and bear, 710
As he believ'd he was bound to do
In conscience, and commission too ;t
And therefore thus bespoke the Squire : —
We that are wisely mounted higher
Thau constables in curule wit, 715
When on tribunal bench we sit,t
* The proclamation here mentioned, was usually made at
bear or biill-baiting. See Plot's Statlbrdshire, 4.19. Solemn
proclamation made by the steward, that all manner of persons
give way to the bull, or bear, none being to come near him by
forty feet.
t The Presbyterians and Independents were great enemies to
those sports with which the country people amused themselves.
Mr. Hume, in the last volume of his History of England, (Man-
ners of the Commonwealth, chap. iii. anno 1660, page 119,) says,
"All recreations were in a manner suspended, by the rigid
"severity of the Presbyterians and Independents: even bear-
" baiting was esteemed heathenish and unchristian: the sport
" of it, not the inhumanity, gave offence. Colonel Hewson,
"from his pious zeal, marched with his regiment into London,
"and destroyed all the bears which were there kept for the
" diversion of the citizens. This a dventure seems to have given
"birth to the fiction of Hudibras."
t We that are in high office, and sit on the bench by commls-
70 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Like speculators, should foresee,
From Pharos of authority,
Portended mischiefs farther than
Low proletarian tything-men :* 721
And therefore being inform'd by bruit,
That dog and bear are to dispute.
For so of late men fighting name,
Because they often prove the same ;
For where the first does hap to be, 725
The last does coincidere.
Quantum in nobis, have thought good
To save th' expence of Christian blood,
And try if we, by mediation
Of treaty and accommodation, 730
Can end the quarrel, and compose
The bloody duel without blows.
Are not our liberties, oJir lives,
The laws, religion, and our wives.
Enough at once to lie at stake 735
For cov'nant, and the cause's sake ?t
But iu that quarrel dogs and bears.
As well as we, must venture theirs?
This feud by Jesuits invented,!
By evil counsel is fomented ; 740
There is a Machiavilian plot,
Tho' ev'ry uare olfact it not,§
sion as justices of the peace. — Some of the chief magistrates in
Rome, as ffidile, censor, prcetor, and consul, were said to hold
curule offices, from the chair of state or chariot they rode in,
called sella curulis.
* Proletarii were the lowest class of people among the Ro-
mans, who had no property, so called a munere officioque prolis
edendae, as if the only good they did to the state were in beset-
ting ohildren. Tything-man. that is, a kind of inferior or deputy
constable.
t Covenant means the solemn league and covenant drawn up
by the Scotch, and subscribed by many of the sectaries in
England, who were fond of calling their party The Cause, or
the greatest cause in the world. They professed they would
not forsake it for all the parliaments upon earth. One of their
writers says, "Will not the abjurers of the covenant, of all
"others, be the chief of sinners, whilst they become guilty of no
"less sin, than the very sin against the Holy Ghost 1"
i As Don Q-uixote was dreaming of chivalry and romances,
so it was the great object of our knight to extirpate popery and
independency in religion, and to reform and settle the state.
$ The knight, in tiiis speech, employs more Latin, and more
Uncouth phrases, than he usually does. In this line he means —
though every nose do not smell it. Tiie character of his lan-
guage was given before in the ninety-first, and some following
VANTO I.] HUDIBRAS. ^l
And deep design in't to divide
The well-afFected tiiat confide,
By setting brotlier against brotlier, 74'
To claw and curry one auotlier.
Have we not enemies plus satis,
That cane et angue pejus* hate us ?
And shall we turn our fangs and claws
Upon our own selves, without cause ? 750
That some occult design doth lie
In bloody cynarctomachy,!
Is plain enough to him that knows
How saints lead brothers by the nose.
I wish myself a pseudo-prophet, t 755
But sure some mischief will come of it,
Unless by providential wit.
Or force, we averruncate§ it.
For what design, what fnterest.
Can beast have to encounter beast? 760
They fight for no espoused cause.
Frail privilege, fundamental laws,||
* A proverbial saying, used by Horace, expressive of a bitter
aversion, Tlie punishment for parricide amona; the Romans
was, to be put into a sack with a snake, a dog, and an ape, and
thrown into the river.
t Cynarctomachy is compounded of three Greek words, signi-
fying a fight between dogs and bears. The perfect Uiurnal of
some passages of Parliament from July 24 to July 31, 1(H3, No.
4, gives an account how the Queen brought from Holland " be-
sides a company of savage ruffians a company of savage bears ;"
Colonel Cromwell tinding the people of Uppingham, in Rutland-
shire, baiting them on the Lord's day, and in the height of their
sport, caused the bears to be seized, tied to a tree, and shot.
We tax'd you round — sixpence the pound,
And massacred your bears Loyal Songs.
X That is, a lalse prophet.
6 Jiverruncate, means no more than eradicate, or phick up.
(l The following lines recite the grounds on which the parlia-
ment began the war against the king, and justified their pro-
ceedings afterwards. He calls the privileges of parliament frail,
because they were so very apt to complain of their being broken
Whatever the king did, or refused to do, contrary to the senti
ments, and unsuitable to the designs of parliament, they voted
presently a breach of their privilege : his dissenting to any of
the bills they oflered him was a breach of privilege : his pro-
claiming them traitors, who were in arms against him, was a high
bleach of their nrivilege : and the commons at last voted It a
breach of privilege fur the house of lords to refuse assent to any
thing that came from the lower house.
Both the English and the Scotch, from the beginning of the
war, avouched that their whole proceedings were according to
the fundamental laws: by which (hey meant not any statutes
or laws in being, but their own sense of the constitution. Thus,
after the king's death, the Dutch ambassadors were told, that
72 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Nor for a thorough reformation,
Nor covenant, nor protestation,*
Nor liberty of coiisciences,t 765
Nor lords' and commons' ordinances ;t
Nor for the church, nor for church-lands,
To get them in their own no hands ;§
Nor evil counsellers to bring
To justice, that seduce the King ; 770
Nor for the worship of us men,
Tho' we have done as much for them.
Th' Egyptians worshipp'd dogs, and for
Their faith made fierce and zealous war.|)
Others ador'd a rat, and some 775
For that church suiFer'd martyrdom.
The Indians fought for the truth
Of th' elephant and monkey's tooth ;1f
And many, to defend that faith.
Fought it out mordicus to death ;** 780
But no beast ever was so slight,tt
For man, as for his god to fight.
They have more wit, alas ! and know
Themselves and us better than so :
But we who only do infuse 785
The rage in them like boute-feus,tt
what the parliament had done against the king was according
to the fundamental laws of this nation which were best known
to themselves.
* The protestation was a solemn vow or resolution entered
into, and subscribed, the first year of the long parliament.
t The early editions have it free liberty of consciences : and
this reading IJishop Warburton approves ; " free liberty" being,
as he thinks, a satirical periphrasis for licentiousness, which is
what the author here hints at.
% An ordinance (says Cleveland, p. 109) is a law still-born,
dropt before quickened by the royal assent. 'Tis one of the
parliament's by-blows, acts only being legitimate, and hath no
more fire than a Spanish gennet, that is begotten by the wind.
$ Suppose we read. To get them into their own hands. [Mr.
Nash is wrong — no hands here means paws.}
11 See the beginning of the fifteenth satire of Juvenal.
IT The inhabitants of Ceylon and Siam are said to have had
in their temples, as objects of worship, the teeth of monkeys and
of elephants. The Portuguese, out of zeal for the Christian
religion, destroyed these idols ; and the Siamese are said to have
offered 700,000 ducats to redeem a monkey's tooth which they
had long worshipped. Le Blanc's Travels, and Herbert's Trav-
els. Martinus Scriblerus, of the Origin of Sciences, Swift's
works.
** Mordicus, valiantly, tooth and nail.
tt That is, so weak, so silly.
Xi Makers of mischief, exciters of sedition
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 73
'Tis our example tliat instils
In them the infection of our ills.
For, as some late philosopiiers
Have well observ'd, beasts that converse 790
With man take after him, as hogs
Get pigs all th' year, and bitches dogs.*
Just so, by our example, cattle
Learn to give one another battle.
We read, in Nero's time, the Heathen, 793
When they destroyed the Christian brethren,
They sew'd them in the skins of bears,
And then set dogs about their ears ;
From whence, no doubt, th' invention came
Of this lewd antichristian game. 800
To this, quoth Ralpho, verily *
The point seems very plain to me ;
It is an antichristian game.
Unlawful both in thing and name.
First, for the name : the word bear-baiting 805
Is carnal, and of man's creating ;
For certainly there's no such word
In all the Scripture on record ;
Therefore unlawful, and a sin ;t
* This faculty is not unfrequently instanced by the ancients,
to show the superior excellence of mankind. Xenophon, INleni.
i. 4. ]2. A Roman lady seems to have been of the sa'me opinion.
"Populia, Marci filia, miranti cuidam quid esset quapropter alisB
" bestice nunquam mareni desiderarent nisi cum praegnantes vel-
'' lent fieri, respondit, bestim enim suiit.^' Macrob. Saturn, lib.
ii. cap. 5. Vide etiam Just. Lipsii. Epist. Qua'st. lib. v. e|)ist. 3,
et Andreani Laurent, lib. viii. Hist. Anatoni. QuiBst. 2-2, ubi
causas adducit cur bruta; gravidcB inarem noii admiltunt, ut inter
homines mulier.
t Some of the disciplinarians held, that the Scriptures were
full and express on every subject, and that every thing was sin-
ful, which was not there ordered to be done. Some of the Hu-
guenots refused to pay rent to their landlords, unless they would
produce a text of Scripture directing them to do so.
At a meeting of Cartwright, Travers, and other dissenting
ministers in London, it was resolved, that such names as did
savor either of Paganism or Popery should not be used, but only
Scripture names; accordingly Snape refused to baptize a child
by the name of Richard.
They formed popular arguments for deposing and murdering
kings, from the examples of Saul, Agag, Jeroboam, Jehoran, and
the like.
This reminds me of a story I have heard, and which, perhaps,
IS recorded among Joe Miller's Jests, of a countryman going
along the street, in the time of Cromwell, and inquiring the way
to St. Anne's church — the person inquired of, happening to be a
Presbyterian, said, he knew no such person as Saint Anne ; go-
ing a little tarther, h«' asked another mar which was the way to
4
74 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
And so is, second y, the thing : 810
A vile assembly 'tis, that can
No more be proved by Scripture, than
Provincial, classic, national ;*
Mere human creature-cobwebs all.
Thirdly, It is idolatrous ; 815
For when men run a-whoring thus
With their inventions,! whatsoe'er
The thing be, whether dog or bear,
It is idolatrous and pagan,
No less than worshipping of Dagou. 630
Quoth Hudibras, I smell a rat ;
Ralpho thou dost prevaricate ;
For though the thesis which thou lay'st
Be true, ad'amussim,t as thou say'st ;
For the bear-baiting should appear, 82S
Jure divino, lawfuller
Than synods are, thou dost deny,
Totidem verbis — so do I ;
Yet there's a fallacy in this ;
For if by sly homQBOsis,§ 830
Thou wouldst sophisticaliy imply
Both are unlawful — I deny.
And I, quoth Ralpho, do not doubt
But beai baiting may be made out.
In gospel-times, as lawful as is 835
Provincial, or parochial classis,;
And that both are so near of kin,
Anne's church ? he being a cavalier, said, Anne was a Saint
hefore he was born, and would be after he was hanged, and gave
him no information.
* Ralpho here shows his independent principles, and his avcr-
sioK to the Presbyterian forms of church government. If the
squire had adopted the knight's sentiments, this curious dispute
could not have been introduced. The vile assembly here means
the bear-baiting, but alludes typically to the assembly of divines.
t A Scripture phrase used. Psalm cvi. ver. 38.
j Exactly true, and according to rule.
5 That is, an explanation of a thing by something resembling it.
At this place two lines are omitted in several editions, particu-
larly in those corrected by the author. They run thus :
Tussis pro crepitu, an art
Under a cough to slur a f — rt.
The edition of 1701 has replaced them : they were omitted in
the poet's corrected copy ; probably he thought them indelicate :
the phrase is translated from the Greek.
Bi)^ dvTi TTopitjg. fri twv Iv arroplqi -Kpoattoiuixivutv trcpov r'l
vpdrrdv. Trap oaov o\ iripSovTCi; Xavddvetv Treipdjifvoi, vpomroi-
ovvTai PirjTTCiv. Suldas in Voc.
I
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 7&
And like in all, as well as sin,
That, put 'em in a bag and shake 'em,
Yourself o' th' sudden would mistake 'em, 810
And not know which is which, unless
You measure by their wickedness ;
For 'tis not hard-t' imagine whether
O' th' two is worst, tho' I name neither
Quoth Hudibras, Thou ofFer'st much, 845
But art not able to keep touch.
Mira de lente,* as 'tis i' the adage.
Id est, to make a leek a cabbage ;
Thou canst at best but overstrain
A paradox, and th' own hot brain ; 8&0
For what can synods have at all
With bear that's analogical ?
Or what relation has debating
Of church-affairs with bear-baiting?
A just comparison still is 855
Of things ejnsdem generis ;
And then what genus rightly doth
Include and comprehend them both?
If animal, both of us may
As justly pass for bears as they ; 860
For we are animals no less.
Although of diff 'rent specieses.t
But, Ralpho, this is no fit place,
Nor time, to argue out the case :
For now the field is not far off, 865
Where we must give the world a proof
Of deeds, not words, and such as suit
Another manner of dispute :
A controversy that affords
Actions for arguments, not words ; B70
Which we must manage at a rate
Of prowess, and conduct adequate
To what our place and fame doth promise,
x\nd all the godly expect from us.
Nor shall they be deceiv'd, unless 875
* Ativa ncpl (j>aKrjs : A great stir about nothing.
Great cry and little wool, as they say when any one talks
much, and proves nothing. The following lines stand thus, in
some editions, viz. :
Thou wilt at best but suck a bull.
Or sheer swine, all cry, and no wool.
t Why should we not read, Although of different species 1
Bt' also in Part ii. Canto iii. v. 317.
76 ■ HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
W are slurred and outed by success ;
Success, the mark no mortal wit,
Or surest hand can always hit :
For whatsoe'er we perpetrate,
We do but row, w' are steer'd by fate,* ggo
Which in success oft disinherits.
For spurious causes, noblest merits.
Great actions are not always true sons
Of great and mighty resolutions ;
Nor do the bold'st attempts bring forth 883
Events still equal to their worth ;
But sometimes fail, and in their stead
Fortune and cowardice succeed.
• Yet we have no great cause to doubt.
Our actions still have borne us out ; 890
Which, tho' they're known to be so ample
We need not copy from example ;
We're not the only persons durst
Attempt this province, nor the first.
In northern clime a val'rous knightt 895
Did whilom kill his bear in fight,
And wound a fiddler : we have both
Of these the objects of our wroth,
And equal fame and glory from
Til' attempt, or victory to come. 900
'Tis sung, there is a valiant JVIamaluke
In foreign land, yclep'd 1
* The Presbyterians were strong fatalists, and great advocates
for predestination. Virgil says, Mn. ix. 1. 95 :
O genetrix ! quo fata vocas 1 atit quid petis istis ?
Mortaline nianu facts iminortale carinae
Fas haieanf?
t Hudibras encourages himself by two precedents; first, that
of a gentleman who killed a bear and wounded a fiddler ; and
secondly, that of Sir Samuel Luke, who had often, as a magis-
trate, been engaged in similar adventures. He was proud to re-
semble the one in this particular exploit, and the other in his
general character.
There were several, in those days, who, like Sir Hudibras, set
themselves violently to, oppose bear-baiting. Oliver Cromwell
is said to have shot several bears ; and the same is said of
Colonel Pride. See note ante, ver. 752, and Harleian Miscellany,
vol. iii. p. 132.'
i The break is commonly filled up with the name of Sir Sam-
uel Luke. See the note at line 14. The word Man)luck signifies
acquired, possessed : and the Mamlukes or Mamalukes were
persons carried off, in their childhood, by merchants or banditti,
from Georgia, Circassia, Natolia, and the various provinces of
the Ottoman empire, and afterwards sold in Constantinople and
Grand Cairo. The grandees of Egypt, who had a similar ori-
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 77
To whom we have been oft compar'd
For person, parts, address, and beard ;
Both equally reputed stout, 305
And in the same cause both have fought :
He oft, in such attempts as these,
Came off with glory and success :
Nor wiU we fail in th' execution.
For want of equal resolution. 010
Honor is, like a widow, won
With brisk attempt and putting on ;
; With ent'ring manfully and urging ;
Not slow approaches, like a virgin.
This said, as once the Phrygian knight,* 915
So ours, with rusty steel did smite
His Trojan horse, and just as much
He mended pace upon the touch ;
But from his empty stomach groan'd,
Just as that hollow beast did sound. 920
And, angry, answer'd from behind.
With brandish'd tail and blast of wind.
So have I seen, with armed heel,
A wight bestride a Common-weal,t
While still the more he kick'd and spurr'd, 925
The less the sullen jade has stirred.^
gin, bring them up in their liouses. They often rise first to be
cachefs or lieutenants, and then to be beys or petty tyrants.
Volney's Travels. Thus, in the English civil wars, many rose
from the lowest ranis in life to considerable power.
* Laocoon ; who, at the siege of Troy, struck the wooden
horse with his spear —
Sic fatus, validis ingentem viribus hastani
In latus inque feri curvam compagibus alvum
Contorsit: stetitilla tremens, uteroque recusso
Insonuere cava gemitumque dedere cavernie.
Virg. ^neid. ii. 50.
t Our poet might possibly have in mind a print engraven in
Holland. It represented a cow, the emblem of the Common-
wealth, with the king of Spain on her back kicking and spurriiig
her; the queen of England before, stopping and feeding her;
the prince of Orange milking her; and the duke of Anjou behind
pulling her back by the tail. Heylin's Cosmog. After the
Spaniards, in a war of forty years, had spent a hundred millions
of crowns, and had lost four hundred thousand men, they were
forced to acknowledge the independence of the Dutch provinces,
and conclude a peace with them : yet, strange to tell, another
nation did not grow wise by this example.
t Mr. Butler had been witness to the refractory humor of the
nation, not only under the weak government of Richard Crom
well, but in many instances under the more adroit and resolute
management of Oliver Both father and son have been com
78 IIUDIBRAS. [Part »
pared to the riders of a restive horse by some loyal songsters
the following lines probably allude to Oliver: —
Nol, a rank rider, got fast in the saddle,
And made her shew tricks, and curvet aud rebound:
She quickly perceived he rode vviddle waddle,
And like his* coach-horse threw his highness to ground
Then Dick, being lame, rode holding the pummel,
Not having the wit to get hold of the rein :
But the jade did so snort at the sight of a Cromwell,
That poor Dick and his kindred turned footmen again.
See the Collection of Loyal Songs, reprinted 1731, vol. ii. p. 281
• Tliia alludes to an accident that befell the Protec''^" Sept, 29, who must
needs drive his coach himself: the horsea ran away, anu Uirew aim amongst
lb«m. vhereby he wai in great danger
PART I CANTO II.
THE ARGUaiENT.
The catalogue and character
Of th' enemies' best men of war,*
Whom, in a bold harangue, the Knight
Defies, and challenges to fight :
H' encounters Talgol, routs the Bear,
And takes the Fiddler prisoner,
Conveys him to enchanted castle.
There shuts him fast in wooden Bastile.
* Butler's description of the combatants resembles the list of
warriors in the Iliad and ^Eneid, and especially the laborenJ
characters in the Theban war, both in jEschylus and Et-.i^)ides
Septem ad Thebas v. 383; Icetid. v. 36-2 ■ rhoenis. v. llS*
H U D I B R A S .
CANTO II.
There was an ancient sage philosophei
That had read Alexander Ross over,*
And swore the world, as he could prove,
Was made of fighting, and of love.
Just so romances are, for what else
Is in them all but love and battles ?t
* Empedoclcs, a Pythagorean philosopher and poet, held, that
friendship and discord were principles which regulated the four
efenients that compose the universe. The first occasioned thsir
coalition, the second their separation, or, in the poet's own
words, (preserved in Diogen. Laert. edit. Meibom. vol. i. p. 538,)
"A^AorE II fv (pi\6TriTi <rui'epxi5ju£i/* £(f cv avavra,
"AWotc 6' av iix iKaara ipopcviJtcva vcUeos Ix^si.
See more in Mer. Casaubon's note on the passage.
The great anachronism increases the humour. Empedocles,
the philosopher here alluded to, lived about 2100 years before
Alexander Ross.
" Agrigentinum quidem, doctum quendam virnm, carminibus
" gra^cis vaticinatum fenint : qua^ in rerum natura, totoque muu-
'• do constarent, quffique moverentur, ea contrahere auiicitiam,
"dissipare discordiam." Cicero de Amiciti^.
The Spectator, No. 60, says, he has heard those lines of Hudi-
bras more frequently quoted than the finest pieces of wit in the
whole poeiii : — tha jingle of the double rhime has something in
It that tickles the ear. Ale.tander Ross was a very voluminous
writer, and chaplain to Charles the First ; but most of his books
were written in the reign of James the First. He answered Sir
Thomas Brown's P.seudoxia and Religio Medici, under the title
of Medicus Medicatus.
I Mr. Butler, in his MS. Common-place Book, says,
Love and fighting is the sum
Of all romances, from Tom Thumb
To Arthur, Gondibert, and Hudibras.
Of lovers, the poet in his MS. says,
Lovers, like wrestlers, when they do not lay
Their hold below the girdle, use fair play.
He adds in prose — .'Although Love is said to overcome all
things, yet at long-run, there is nothing almost that does not
overcome Love ; whereby it seems. Love does not know how to
use its victory.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 81
O' th' first of these w' have no great rmatter
To treat of, but a world o' th' latter,
In which to do the injur'd right.
We mean in what concerns just fight. 10
Certes, our Authors are to blame,
For to make some well-sounding name*
A pattern fit for modern knights
To copy out in frays and fights.
Like those that do a whole street raze,t 15
To build another in the place ;
They never care how many others
They kill, without regard of mothers,!
Or wives, or children, so they can
Make up some fierce, dead-doing man,§ 20
Compos'd of many ingredient valours.
Just like the manhood of nine tailors :
So a wild Tartar,|| when he spies
A man that's handsome, valiant, wise,
If he can kill him, thinks t' inherit 23
His wit, his beauty, and his spirit ;
As if just so much he enjoy'd,
As in another is destroy'd:
For when a giant's slain in fight,
And mow'd o'erthvvart, or cleft downright, 30
It is a heavy case, no doubt,
A man should have his brains beat out,
Because he's tall, and has large bones,
As men kill beavers for their stones.lT
* T^avKdv re, MiSovrd re, QepaiXox^v re. — Homer. 17. 216.
Copied exactly by Virgil. JEa. vi. 483.
Glaucumque, Medontaque, Thersilochumque.
This is imitated in all the romances of our author's time,
t Alluding to the Protector Somerset, who, in the reign of Ed-
ward VI., pulled down two churches, part of St. Paul's, and
three bishop's houses, to build Somerset House in the Strand.
t bellaque matribus
Detestata Hor. b. i. od. i.
§ Thus Beaumont and Fletcher — " Stay thy dead-doing hand."
11 In Carazan, a province to the north-east of Tartary, Dr.
Heylin says, " they have an use, when any stranger comes into
" their houses of an handsome shape, to kill him in the night ;
"not out of desire of spoil, or to eat his body; but that the soul
"of such a comely person might remain among them."
IT That beavers bite off their testicles is a vulgar error: but
what is here implied is true enough, namely, that the testes, or
their capsulae, furnish a medicinal drug of value.
imitatus castora qui se
Eunnchum ipse facit, cupiens evadere darano
Tesliculorum ; adeo medicatum intelligit inguen.
Juvenal. Sat. sii. 1. 34
4*
82 HUUIBRAS. [Part i
But, as for our part, we shall tell 33
The naked truth of what befell,
And as an equal friend to both
The Knight and Bear, but more to troth ;*
With neither faction shall take part.
But give to each a due desert, 40
And never coin a formal lie on't,
To make the Knight o'ercome the giant.
This b'ing profest, we've hopes enough,
And now go on where we left off.
■^ They rode, but authors having not 4fi
Determin'd whether pace or trot.
That is to say, whether tollutation.
As they do term't, or succussation,t
We leave it, and go on, as now
Suppose they did, no matter how ; 50
Yet some, from subtle hints, have got
Mysterious light it was a trot :
But let that pass ; they now begun
To spur their living engines on :
For as whipp'd tops and bandy'd balls, S5
Tlie learned hold, are animals ;|
So horses they affirm to be
Mere engines made by geometry,
And were invented first from engines.
As Indian Britains were from Penguins.^ CO
* " Amicus Socrates, amicus Plato, sed magis arnica Veritas "
t Tollutation is pacing, or ambling, moving per latera, as Sir
Thomas Brown says, that is, lifting both legs of one side togeth-
er— Succussation, or trotting, that is, lifting one foot before, and
the cross foot behind.
i The atomic philosophers, Democritus, Epicurus, &c., and
some of the moderns likewise, as Des Cartes, Hobbes, and oth-
ers, will not allow animals to have a spontaneoi's and living
principle in them, but maintain that life and sensation are gen-
erated out of matter, from the contexture of atoms, or some pe-
culiar composition of magnitudes, figures, sites, and motions,
and consequently that they are nothing but local motion and
mechanism. By which argument tops and balls, whilst they
are in motion, seem to be as much animated as dogs and horses.
Mr. Boyle, in his Experiments, printed in 16.59, observes how
like animals (men excepted) are to mechanical instruments.
ij This is meant to burlesque the idea of Mr. Selden, and oth-
ers, that America had formerly been discovered by the Britons
or Welsh ; which they had inferred from the similarity of some
words in the two languages ; Penguin, the name of a bird, with
a white head in America, in British signifies a white rock. Mr.
"ji'ien, in his note on Drayton's Polyolbion, says, that Madoc,
brother to David ap Owen, prince of Wales, made a sea voyage
to Florida, about the year 1170.
David Powell, in his history of Wales, reporteth that one Ma-
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 83
So let them be, and, as I was saying,
They their Hve engines ply'd,* not staying
Until they reach'd the fatal champaign
Which th' enemy did then encamp on ;
The dire Pharsalian plain,t .where battle 65
Was to be wag'd 'twixt puissanj; cattle,
And fierce auxiliary men.
That came to aid their brethren ;t
Who now began to take the field,
As knight from ridge of steed beheld. 70
For, as om- modern wits behold,
Mounted a pick-back on the old,§
Much farther off, much farther he
Rais'd on his aged beast, could see ;
Yet not sufficient to descry* 75
All postures of the enemy :
Wherefore he bids the squire ride further,
T' observe their numbers, and their order ;
That when their motions they had known.
He might know how to fit his own. 80
Meanwhile he stopp'd his willing steed.
To fit himself for martial deed :
Both kinds of metal he prepared
Either to give blows, or to ward ;
doc, son of Owen Gwinedsh, prince of Wales, some hundred
years before Columbus discovered the West Indies, sailed into
those parts an<l planted a colony. The simile runs thus ; horsw
are said to be invented from engines, and things without sense
and reason, as Welshmen are said to have sailed to the Indies ;
both upon the hke grounds, and with as much probability.
My worthy and ingenious friend Mr. Pennant, though zealous
for the honor of his native country, yet cannot allow his coun-
trymen the merit of having sailed to America before the time of
Columbus : the proper name of these birds, saith he, (Philosopk.
Transactions, vol. Iviii. p. 96,) is Pinguin, propter pinguedinem,
on account of their fatness : it has been corrupted to Penguen-
so that some have imagined it a Welsh word, signifying a white
head: besides, the two species of birds that frequent America
under that name, have black heads, not white ones.
Our poet rejoices in an opportunity of laughing at his old
friend Selden, and ridiculing some of his eccentric notions.
* That is, Hudibras and his Squire spurred their horses.
t Alluding to Pharsalia, where Julius Caesar gained his signa.
victory.
X The last word is lengthened into bretheren, for metre sake
% Ridiculing the disputes formerly subsisting between the ad-
vocates for ancient and modern learning. Sir William Temple
observes : that as to knowledge, the moderns must have more
than the ancients, because they have the advantage both of
theirs and their own : which is commonly illustrated by a dwarf
standing upon a giant's shoulders, and therefore seeing more
and further than the giant.
84 HUDIBRAS. [Pari i.
Courage and steel, both of great force, 83
Prepar'd for better, or for worse.
His death-charg'd pistols he did fit well,
Drawn out I'rom life-presei-ving vittle ;*
These being prim'd witii force he labor'd
To free's blade from retentive scabbard ; 00
And after many a painful pluck.
From rusty dujance he bail'd tuck :
Then shook himself, to see what prowesa
In scabbard of his arms sat loose ;
And, rais'd upon his desp'rate foot, 05
On stirrup-side he gaz'd about,t
Portending blood, like blazing star,
The beacon of approaciiing war.t
The Sqjire advanc'd with greater speed
Than could b' expected from his steed ;§ 100
But far more in returning made ;
For now the foe he had survey'd,
Rang'd, as to him they did appear,
With van, main battle, wings, and rear.
I' th' head of all this warlike rabble, 105
Crowdero marcli'd expert and able.||
Instead of trumpet, and of drum,
That makes the warrior's stomach come,
Whose noise whets valor sharp, like beer
By thunder turn'd to vinegar ; 110
For if a trumpet sound, or drum beat.
Who has not a month's mind to combat ?
* The reader will remember how the holsters were furnished.
The antithesis between death-charged pistols, and life-preserv
ing vittle is a feind of figure much used by Shakspeare, and the
poets before Mr. Butler's time ; very frequently by Butler him
Belf.
t It appear-, from c. i. v. 407, that he had but one stirrup.
X Piri cometa;, quidni 1 quia crudelia atque iinmania, Jamein
bella, cladej, cpiiles, niorbos, eversiones urliiuin, regionuin vast!
V)'£s, hTniP'jin interitus portendere creduntur.
^ In sonie editions we read,
Ralpho rode on with no less speed,
Than Hugo in the forest did-
IIuEO was aid-de-camp to Gondihert. B. I. c. ii. St. C6.
II This is said, by Sir Roger L'Estrange, to be designed for one
Jackson, a milliner, who lived in the New Exchange in the
Strand. lie had lost a leg in the Parliament's service, and went
about fiddling from one ale-house to another: but Butler does
not point his satire at such low game. His nickname is taken
from the instrument he used: Crowde, fiddle, crwth, fidicula, ig
the British language.
Canto ii.J HUDIBRAS. 85
A squeaking engine he apply'd
Unto his neck, on north-east side,*
Just where the hangman does dispose, 115
To special friends, the fatal noose :
For 'tis great grace, when statesmen straight
Dispatch a friend, let others wait.
His warped ear hung o'er the strings.
Which was but souse to chitterlings :t 120
For guts, some write, ere they are sodden,
Are fit for music, or for pudden ;
From whence men borrow ev'ry kind
Of minstrelsy, by string or wind.
His grisly beard was long and thick, 125
With whic^ he strung his fiddle-stick ;
For he to horse-tail scorn'd to owe
For what on his own chin did grow.
Chiron, the four-legg'd bai-d, had both
A beard and tail of his own growth ; 130
And yet by authors 'tis averr'd.
He made use only of his beard.
In Staffordshire, where virtuous wortht
Does raise the minstrelsy, not birth :
* It is difficult to say why Butler calls the left the north-east
side. A friend of Dr. Gray's supposes it to allude to the manner
of burying; the feet being put to the east, the left side would
be to the north, or north-east. Some authojs have asserted, and
Euseb. Nuremberg, a learned Jesuit, in particular, that the body
of man is magnetical ; and being placed in a boit, a very small
one we must suppose, of cork or leather, will ne»'er rest till the
head respecteth the north. Paracelsus had also a microcosmical
conceit about the body of a man, dividing and differencing it ac-
cording to the cardinal points ; making the face the east, the
hack the west, &c., of this microcosm : and therefore, working
upon human ordure, and by long preparation rendering it odorif-
erous, he tern/s it Zihetta occidentalis. Now in either of these
positions, the body lying along on its back with its head towards
the north, or standing upright with the face towards the east,
the reader <vill find the place of the fiddle on the left breast to be
due north-east. One, or both of these conceits, it is probable,
our poet had in view ; and very likely met with them, as I have
done, in a book entitled Brown's Vulgar Errors, b. ii. ch. 3.
Ovid, dividing the world into two hemispheres, calls one the
right hand, and the other the left. The augurs of old, in their
divinations, and priests in their sacrifices, turned their faces to-
wards the east ; in which posture the north, being the left hand,
Rgrees exactly with the position in which Crowdero would hold
bis fiddle.
t Souse is the pig's ear, and chitterlings are the pig's guts:
the former alludes to Crowdero's ear, which lay upon the fiddle;
the latter to the strings of the fiddle, which are made of catgut.
t This alludes to the custom of bull-running in the manor of
Tudbury in Staffordshire, where a charter is granted by John of
86 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Where bulls do choose the boldest king, 13S
And ruler o'er the men of string,
As once in Persia,* 'tis said,
Kings were proclaim'd by a horse that neigh'd ;
He, bravely vent'ring at a crown,
By chance of war was beaten down, 140
And wounded Bore : his leg then broke,
Had got a deputy of oak ;
For when a shin in fight is cropt.
The knee with one of timber's propt,
Esteem'd more honorable than the other, 145
And takes place, tho' the younger brother.t
Next march'd brave Orsin,t famous for
Wise conduct, and success in war ;
A skilful leader, stout, severe,
Now marshal to the champion bear. 150
With truncheon tipp'd with iron head,
The warrior to the lists he led ;
With solemn march, and stately pace,
But far more grave and solemn face ;
Grave as the emperor of Pegu, 155
Or Spanish potentate, Don Diego.§
This leader was of knowledge great.
Either for charge, or for retreat :
Gaunt, king of Castile and Leon, and duke of Lancaster, (and
confirmed by inspeximus and grant of Henry VI.,) dated 22d of
August, in the fourth year of the reign of our most gracious
(most sweet, tres dulce) king Richard II., (A. D. 1380,) appoint-
ing a king of the minstrels or musicians, (sive histrioues,) who
is to have a bu.l for his property, which shall be turned out by
the prior of Tudbury, if his minstrels, or any one of them, could
cut off a piece of his skin before he runs into Derbyshire ; but if
the bull gets into that county sound and unhurt, the prior may
have his bull again. Exemplification of Henry VI. is dated
1442.
■ This custom being productive of much mischief, was, at the
request of the inhabitants, and by order of the duke of Devon-
shire, lord of the manor, discontinued about the year 178S. See
Blount's Ancient Tenures, and Jocular Customs.
* This relates to a story told by Herodotus, lib. iii., of the seven
princes, who, having destroyed the usurper of the crown of Per
sia, were all of them in competition for it: at last they agreed
to meet on horseback at an appointed place, and that he should
be acknowledged sovereign whose horse first neighed : Darius's
groom, by a subtle trick, contrived that his master should sue
ceed.
t A person with a wooden leg generally puts that leg first in
walking.
t This character was designed for Joshua Goslin, who kept
bears at Paris garden, Southwark, as says Sir Roger L'Estrange
in his Key to Hudibras.
$ See Purchas's Pilgrims and Lady's Travels into Spain.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 87
Knew when t'engage his bear pell-mell,
And when to bring him off as well, 160
So lawyers, lest the bear defendant,
And plaintiiF dog, should make an end on't,*
Do stave and tail with writs of error,t
Reverse of judgment, and demurrer,
To let them breathe awhile, and then 165
Cry whoop, and set them on agen.
As Romulus a wolf did rear.
So he was dry-nurs'd by a bear,t
Tliat fed him with the purchas'd prey
Of many a fierce and bloody fray ; no
* Mr. Butler probably took this idea from a book entitled The
princely Pleasure of Kenilvvorthin Warwickshire, in 1575.
"The beares wear brought foorth intoo coourt, the dogs set
" too them, to argu the points, eeven face to face; they had
"learned coounsell also a both parts; — If the dog in pleadyng
" would pluck the beare by the throte, the beare with travers
"would claw him again by the skaip, &c."
t The comparison of a lawyer with a bearward is here kept
np; the one parts his clients, and keeps them at bay by writ of
error and demurrer, as the latter does the dogs and the bear, by
interposing his staff, (hence stave,) and holding the dogs by the
tails. See the character of a lawyer in Butler's Genuine Re-
mains, vol. ii. p. 164, where the severity and bitterness of the
satire, and the verses which follow, may be accounted for by
the poet's having married a widow, whom he thought a great
fortune, but perhaps, through the unskilfulness orroguery of the
law^'er, it being placed on bad security, was lost. This he fre-
quently alludes to in his MS. Common-place Book ; he says the
lawyer never ends a suit, but prunes it, that it may grow the
faster, and yield a greater increase of strife.
The conquering foe they soon assailed,
First TruUa stav'd, and Cerdon tailed.
The improvements in modem practice, and the acuteness of
Butler's observation, have been able to add little to the picture
left us by Amraianus MarcelUnus of the lawyers of ancient
Rome. See lib. xxx. cap. iv. Butler's simile has been transla-
ted into Latin, [by Dr. Harmar, sometime under-master of West-
minster School.]
Sic legum myst», ne forsan pax foret, Ursam
Inter tutantem sese, actoremque niolossum
Faucibus injiciunt clavos, dentesque refigunt,
Luctantesque canes coxis, remorisque revellunt :
Errores jurisque moras obtendere certi,
Judiciumque prius revocare ut prorsus iniquum.
Tandem post aliquod breve respiramen utrinque,
Ut pugnas iterent, crebris hortatibus urgent.
Eja ! agite o cives, iterumque in proelia trudunt.
t That is, maintained by the diversion which this bear afforded
Ihe rabble. It may allude likewise, as Dr. Grey observes, to the
Btory of Valentine and Orson, oh. iv., where Orson is Buckled by
» bear, as Romulus was by a wolf.
88 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
Bred up, where discipline most rare is,
In military garden Paris :*
For soldiers heretofore did grow
In gardens, just as weeds do now,
Until some splay-foot politicians 17J
T' Apollo ofter'd up petitions,t
For licensing a new invention
They'ad found out of an antique engin,
To root out all the weeds, that grow
In public gardens, at a blow, 180
And leave th' herbs standing. Quoth Sii' Sun,t
My friends, that is not to be done.
Not done ! quoth Statesmen : Yes, an't please ye,
When 'tis once known you'll say 'tis easy.
Why then let's know it, quoth Apollo : i85
We'll beat a drum, and they'll all follow.
* At Paris garden, in Snuthwark, near the river side, there was
a play-house, at which Ben Jonson is said to have acted the
part of Zuliinan: the place was long noted for the entertainment
of bear-baiting. The custom of resorting thither was censured
by one Crowley, who wrote in the latter time of Henry VIU. —
Robert Crowley, I believe, was a Northamptonshire man, of
Magdalene College, Oxford, about the year 1534, and 1542. In
Bod. Lib., see his 31 Epigrams.
At Paris garden, each Sunday, a man shall not fail
To find two or three hundred for the bearvvard vale,
One halfpenny a piece they use for to give ;
When some have not more in their purses, I believe.
Well, at the last day their conscience will declare,
That the poor ought to have all that they may spare.
If you therefore give to see a bear fight,
Be sure God his curse upon you will light.
These barbarous diversions continued in fashion till they were
suppressed by the fanatics in the civil wars. Bear-baiting was
forbid by an act of Parliament, 1 Ch. I., which act was continued
and enforced by several subsequent acts. James the first insti-
tuted a society, which he called of the military garden, for the
training of the soldiers and practising feats of arms, and as Paris
was then the chief place for polite education, some have imag-
ined this place was from thence called the military garden Paris :
others suppose it to be called garden Paris from the name of the
owner.
t The whole passage, here a little inverted, is certainly taken
from Boccalini's Advertisement from Parnassus, cent. i. advert.
16, p. 27, ed, 1656, where the gardeners address Apollo, beseech-
ing him, that, as he had invented drums and trumpets, by
means of which princes could enlist and destroy their idle and
dissolute subjects ; so he would teach them some more easy and
expeditious method of destroying weeds and noxious plants, than
that of removing them with rakes and spades.
t "Sir Sun," is an expression used by Sir Philip Sydney in
Pembroke's Arcadia, book i. p. 70. See likewise Butler's E«-
nains, vol. ii. p. 248.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. gg
A drum ! quoth Phcebus ; Troth, that's true,
A pretty iuventiou, quaint and new :
But tho' of voice and instrument
We are, 'tis true, chief president, 190
We such loud music don't profess.
The devil's master of that office,
V/here it must pass ; if 't be a drum.
He'll sign it with Cler. Pari. Dom. Com.*
To him apply yourselves, and he 195
Will soon dispatch you for his fee.
They did so, but it prov'd so ill,
They'ad better let 'em grow there still.t
But to resume v;hat we discoursing
Were on before, that is, stout Orsin ; 200
That which so oft by sundry writers.
Has been apply'd t' almost all fighters,
More justly may b' ascrib'd to this
Than any other warrior, viz.
None ever acted both parts bolder, 205
Both of a chieftain and a soldier.t
He was of great descent and high
For splendor and antiquity.
And from celestial origine,
Deriv'd himself in a right line ; 21C
Not as the ancient heroes did.
Who, that their base births might be hid,§
* During the civil wars, the parliament granted patents for new
Inventions ; these, and all other orders and ordinances, were signed
by their clerk, with this addition to his name — clerk of the par-
liament house of commons. The devil is here represented as
directing and governing the parliament. Monopolies and grant-
ing of patents had occasioned great uneasiness in the reign of
James I., when an act passed, that all patents should regularly
pass before the king and council, upon the report of the attorney-
general.
t The expedient of arming the discontented and unprincipled
multitude, is adventurous, and often proves fatal to the state.
t A satire on common characters given by historians.
^ Ion thus addressed his mother Creusa, when she had told
hiin that he was son of Apollo —
Aevp' eX9'' i; ov; yap roii; \6yov; elnuv diXu
Kai vcpiKa\v\pai Tolai TTpdyjiaoi cxdrovt
'Opa ai), /if/Tcp, lifj cfaXttaa irapOivos,
Eyyivcrai voafinaT' di KpvirTovg ydpovs-
"KvciTa ri3 Gew jrjjooTtS^; rriv ahiav,
Kai Toipbi' alaxp^'^ aiTo(pvyuti TTttpdifiivf),
^ol(3ifi TCKUv fi£ (f>t]i, reKova' oi/c Ik dcov.
Euripides, Ion. 1521.
90 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Knowing they were of doubtful gender,
And that they came in at a wiudore,
Made Jupiter himself, and others 215
O' th' gods, gallants to their own mothers,
To get on them a race of champions,
Of which old Homer first made lampoons ;
Arctophylax, in northern sphere,
Was his undoubted ancestor ; 22C
From whom his great forefathers came,
And in all ages bore his name :
Learn'd he was in med'c'nal lore,
For by his side a pouch he wore,
Replete with strange hermetic powder,* 2-25
That wounds nine miles point-blank woula solder ;t
By skilful chymist, with great cost.
Extracted from a rotten post ;t
But of a heav'nlier influence
Than that which mountebanks dispense ; 230
Tho' by Promethean fire made,§
As they do quack that drive that trade
For as when slovens do amiss
At others' doors, by stool or piss,
The learned write, a red-hot spit 235
B'ing prudently apply'd to it.
Will convey mischief from the dungH
Unto the part that did the wrong ;
So this did healing, and as sure
As that did mischief, this would cure. 240
Thus virtuous Orsin was endu'd
With learning, conduct, fortitude
Incomparable ; and as the prince
Of poets, Homer, sung long since,
* Hermetic, i. e. chymical, from Hermes, Mercury; or perhaps
so called from Hermes Trlsmeglstus, a famous Egyptian philoso-
pber.
t Meaning to banter the sympathetic powder, which was to
efTect the cure of wounds at a distance. It was much in fashion
in the reign of James the First. See Sir Kenelm Digby's dis-
course touching the cure of wounds by the powder of sym-
pathy, translated from the French by R. White, gent., and
printed 1658 — Point-blank is a term in gunnery, signifying a
horizontal level.
i Useless powders in medicine, are called powders of post.
^\ That is, heat of the sun : so in Canto iii. v. 628. Promethean
powder, that is, powder calcined by the sun, for the chief ingre-
dient in sympathetic powder was calcined by the sun.
II Still ridiculing the sympathetic powder. See the treatise
above-minitioned, where \he poet's story of the spit is seriously
Canto il] IIUDIBRAS. 91
A skilful leech is better far, 245
Than half a hundred men of war ;*
So he appear'd, and by his skill,
No less than dint of sword, cou'd kill.
The gallant Bruin march'd next him.
With visage formidably grim, 250
And rugged as a Saracen,
Or Turk of Mahomet's own kin,t
Clad in a mantle de la guerre
Of rough impenetrable fur ;
And in his nose, like Indian king, 255
He wore, for ornament, a ring :
About his neck a threefold gorget.
As rough as trebled leathern target ;
Armed, as heralds cant, and langued.
Or, as the vulgar say, sharp-fanged :t 260
For as the teeth in beasts of prey
Are swords, with which they fight in fray *
So swords, in men of war, are teeth.
Which they do eat their vittle with.
He was, by birth, some authors write, 265
A Russian, some a Muscovite,
And 'mong the Cossacks had been bred.
Of whom we in diumals read.
That serve to fill up pages here.
As with their bodies ditches there. 270
Scrimansky was his cousin-german,§
With whom he serv'd, and fed on vermin ;
* 'iTjrpoj yap avfip ttoWwv avrd^ios aWoiv,
'lovs t' iKTdjxviLV (Tri T ijina (pdpiiaKa Taaauv.
Homer. Iliad, b. .\i. 1. 514.
Leech is the old Saxon term for physician, derived from laec,
hw, muniis, reward ; Chaucer uses the word leechcraft, to ex-
press the skill of a physician, and at this day we are accustomed
to hear of beast leach, cow leech, &c. The glossary annexed
to Gawin Douglas's Virgil says, Leiche, a physician or surgeon,
Scot. Leech from the A. S. laec, lyce, lack, Isl. laeknare, Goth,
leik, medicus, A. S. laenian, laecinian, sanare, curare : laikinon.
Belg.
t JMr. George Sandys, in his book of Travels, observes, that
the Turks are generally well coniplexioned, of good stature, and
li:e women of elegant beauty, except Mahomet's kindred, who
are the most ill-favored people upon earth, branded, perhaps, by
God (says he) for the sin of their seducing ancestor.
X Our author here banters the heralds, as he had before ral
lied the lawyers and physicians.
^ Some favorite bear perhaps. Two of the Roman emperors,
Maximilian and Valentinian, gave names to bears, which they
kept for the daily pleasure of seeing them devour their subjects.
The names of the executioners to Valentinian were Mica Au
92 HUDIBRAS. [Part
And, wlieu these fail'd, he'd suck liis claws,
And quarter himself upon his paws :*
And tho' his countrymen, the Huns, 273
Did stew their meat between their bums
And th' horses' backs o'er which they straddle,t
And every man ate up his saddle ;
He was not half so nice as they.
But ate it raw when't came in's way. 280
He had trac'd countries lar and near,
More than Le Blanc the traveller ;
Who writes, he 'spous'd in India,t
Of noble house, a lady gay.
And got on her a race of worthies, 283
As stout as any upon earth is.
Full many a fight for him between^ _
Talgol and Orsin oft' had been.
Each striving to deserve the crown
Of a sav'd citizen ;|| the one 290
To guard his bear, the other fought
To aid his dog : both made more stout
rea, and Innocentia. Amm. Marcellin. xxix. 3, et Lactant. de
niort. persecutorum, cap. 21. The word scrimalur is interpreted
rugit, aut huccinat. Du Cange from Papias. Ab iis diebus resi-
dent ac priorum pedum suctu vivunt. Plin. Nat. Hist., lib. viii.
cap. 54.
* Jlnd quarter himself 7ipon his paws. — A word ending in er
before another beginning with a vowel, is often considered as
ending in re, and cut oil' accordingly. See P. ii. c. ii. v. 367,- and
c. iii. V. 192, P. iii. c. i. v. 521, P. ii. c. i. v. 752, P. iii. c. i. v. 583,
622, 680, c. ii. v. 108, 468, c. iii. v. 684. Heroical Epistle, v. 284.
Lady's Answer, v. 130. So in P. i. c. iii. v. 1286. fVhats'ever
assembltfs. Thus bowre for bower, that is a chamber. See
Percy's Reliques of Ancient Poetry, vol. i. p. 52. The old poets
took great liberties in varying the accents and terminations of
many words: thus, countrie, ladie, harper, finger, battel, dam-
sel, &c., ibid. p. 37.
t This fact is related by Aminianus Marcellinns, xxxi. cap. 11
615, ed. Paris, 1681. With such fare did Azim Khan entertain
Jenlcinson, and other Englishmen, in their Travels to the Cas-
pian sea from the river Volga.
"Tartaros esse perquain immundis moribus: si jurulentum
"aliquid apponatur in nieiisam, nulla requirere cochlearia, sed
"jus vol:! manus haurire ; enectorum equorum carnem devorare
"nullo foco admotam ; oflas tantum sub equestri sella e.xpli-
"care, quibus equiao calore tepefactis, tanquam opipai'e condi-
" tis, vesci." Busbequii, Ep. iv.
X I>e Blanc tells this story of Aganda the daughter of Isma-
(ion.
^ That is, on his account.
0 He, who saved the life of a Roman citizen, was entitled to
a civic, crown ; so, in banter, says our author, were Talgol and
Orsin, who fought hard to save the lives of the dogs and
bears.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 93
By sev'ral spurs of neighbourhood,
Church-fellow-membership, and blood ;*
But Talgoi, mortal foo to cows, 295
Never got ought of him but blows ;
Blows hard and heavy, such as he
Had lent, repaid with usury.
Yet Talgoi was of courage stout.
And vanquish'd oft'ner than he fought ; 300
Inur'd to labour, sweat, and toil,
And, like a champion, shone with oil ;i"
Right many a widow his keen blade.
And many fatherless had made ;
He many a boar, and huge dun-cow 305
Did, like another Guy, o'erthrow jt
But Guy, with him in fight compar'd.
Had like the boar or dun-cow far'd :
With greater troops of sheep h' had fought
Than Ajax, or bold Don Quixot ;§ 310
And many a serpent of fell kind.
With wings before, and stings behind,
Subdu'd ;|| as poets say, long agone.
Bold Sir George Saint George did the dragon.lT
* Both were of the same fanatic sect, and inured to scenes of
cruelty from their employments.
t He was a butcher; and as greasy as the Greek and Roman
wrestlers, who anointed themselves with oil to nialte their joints
more supple, and prevent strains.
i The slory of Guy, earl of Warwick, and the dun-cow killed
by him at Dunsmore heath, in Warwickshire, is well known in
romance. He lived about the tentli century. A rib of this cow
is now shown in Warwick castle ; but more probably it is some
bone of a whale.
$ Ajax, when mad with rage for having lost the armor of
Achilles, attacked and slew a flock of sheep, mistaking them
for the Grecian princes. See Sophocles, Ajax. 1. 29. Horace,
Satire iii. book ii. ). 197. Don Uuixote encountered a flock of
sheep, and imagined they were the giant Alipharnon of Tapo-
brana.
II Meaning the flies, wasps, and hornets, which prey upon
tlie butchers' meat, and were killed by the valiant Talgoi. Fell
is a Saxon word, and signifies cruel, deadly : hence the term
fellow is used to denote a cruel wicked man : perhaps fellow in
a better sense may signify companion, from feel, fellow-feeling.
II Sir George, because tradition makes him a soldier as well as
a saint: or a hero (eques) as well as a martyr. But all heroes
in romance have the appellation of Sir, as Sir Belianis of Greece,
Sir Palmerin, &c'. As to the patron saint of England, the le-
gendary accounts assign the exploits and sufferings of George
the Martyr to the times of Diocletian, or even to an era still
earlier, before George, the Arian bishop of Alexandria, was
born ; and the character given to that profligate prelate, by his
contemporaries, .\mm. Marcellinus and St. Epiphanius, is in
direct variance with the high panegyric of the pious martyr, by
94 inJDIBUAS. [Part i.
Nor engine, nor device polemic, 315
Disease, nor doctor epidemic,*
Tho' stored with deletery med'cines,+
Which whosoever took is dead since,
E'er sent so vast a colony
To both the under worlds as he ;t 320
For he was of that noble trade
That demi-gods and heroes inade,^
Slaughter and knocking on the head.
The trade to which they all were bred ;
Venantius Fortunatus in Justinian's time. Nor are the narra-
tives of their deaths less inconsistent. All which considera-
tions sufficiently invalidate the unsupported conjecture so invid-
iously adopted by some, that our guardian saint, instead of a
Christian hero, was in reality an avaricious and oppressive he-
retical usurper of Athanasius's see. But to return.
There was a real Sir George St. George, who, with Sir Robert
Newcomen, and Major Ormsby, was, in February, 1G43, (about
our poet's time,) made commissioner for the government of Con-
naught; and it is not improbable that this coincidence of names
might strike forcibly on the playful imagination of Jlr. Butler.
It is whimsical too, that George Monk, in a collection of loyal
songs, is said to have slain a most cruel dragon, meaning the
Rump parliament; or, perhaps, the poet might mean to ridicule
the Presbyterians, who refused even to call the apostles Peter
and Paul saints, much more St. George, but in mockery called
them Sir Peter, Sir Paul, Sir George. — The sword of St. George
is thus ludicrously described.
His sword would serve for battle, or for dinner, if you please,
When it had slain a Cheshire man 'twould toast a Cheshire
cheese.
* The plain meaning is — not military engine, nor stratagem,
nor disease, nor doctor epidemic, ever destroyed so many. The
inquisition, tortures, or persecutions, have nothing to do here.
There is humor in joining the epithet epidemic to doctor, as
well as to the disease ; intimating, perhaps, that no constitution
of the air is more dangerous than the approach of an itinerant
practitioner of physic. .
HoXAuii' larpoiv ctao&bs ji dirwXeo-ev.
[Ex incerto Comico ap. Grot.]
Thus Juvenal —
Quot Themisen segros autumno occiderit uno.
Sat. X. 221.
Butler in his Genuine Remains, vol. ii. p. 304, says, " A nioun-
" tebank is defined to be an epidemic physician."
t Deletery, noxious, dangerous, from SrjXiiii, ^riXrjT-fipiov.
t Virgil, in his sixth yEneid, describes both the Elysian Fields
and Tartarus as below, and not far asunder.
^ Very justly satirizing those that pride themselves on their
military achievements. The general who massacres thousands,
Is called great and glorious; the assassin who kills a single man
is hanged at Tyburn.
Ille crucem pretium sccleris tulet ; hie diadema.
Juvenal. Sat. .xiii. 105.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 95
And is, like others, glorious when 325
'Tis great and large, but base, if mean ;*
The former rides in triumph for it.
The latter in a two-vvlieel'd chariot,
For daring to profane a thing
So sacred, with vile bungleing.t 330
Next these the brave Magnano came,
Magnano, great in martial fame ;
Yet, when vith Orsin he wag'd fight,
'Tis sung he got but little by't :
Yet he was fierce as forest boar, 335
Whose spoils upon his back he wore,t
As thick as Ajax' seven-fold shield.
Which o'er his brazen arms he held ;
But brass was feeble to resist
The fury of his armed fist : 340
Nor could the hardest iron hold out
Against his blows, but they would through't
In magic he was deeply read,
As he that made the brazen head ;§
* Julius C'ffisar is said to have fought fifty battles, and to have
killed of the Gauls alone, eleven hundred ninety-two thousand
men, and as many more in his civil wars. In the inscription
which Pompey placed in the temple of Minerva, he professed
that he had slain, or vanquished and taken, two millions one
hundred and eighty-three thousand men.
t The last word is here lengthened into bungleing for the sake
of the metre.
t Meaning his budget made of pig's skin.
§ The device of the brazen head, which was to speak a proph-
ecy at a certain time, had by some been imputed to Grossa Testa,
bishop of Lincoln, as appears from Gower, the old Welsh poet.
[The assertion of Gower's being from Wales is Caxton's ; but
there is every reason to believe he was of the Gower family of
Stitenham in Yorkshire. See Todd's Illustration of the Lives
and Writings of Gower and Chaucer.]
For of the great clerke Grostcst
I rede, howe busy that he was *
Upon the clergie an hede of bras
To forge, and make it for to telle
Of suche thynges as befelle :
And seven yeeres besinesse
He laide, but for the lachesse [negligence]
Of halfe a minute of an houre.
Fro first he began laboure.
He loste all that he had do.
Confessio Amantis, B. iv.
Others supposed that the design of making the brazen head
originated with Albertus Magnus. But the generality of writers,
and our poet among the rest, have ascribed it to Roger Bacon, a
cordelier friar, who flourished in the thirteenth century, and is
said to have known the use of the telescope. Mr. Beckwith, ia
8 HUDIBRAS. [Part .
Profoundly skill'd in the black art, 343
As English Merlin, for his heart ;*
But far more skilful in the spheres.
Than he was at the sieve and shears.t
He cou'd transform himself to colour,
As like the devil as a collier ; 3.M)
As like as hypocrites in show-
Are to true saints, or crow to crow
Of warlike engines he was author,
Devis'd for quick dispatch of slaughter ;t
The cannon, blunderbuss, and saker, 355
He was th' inventor of, and maker:
The trumpet and the kettle-drum
Did both from his invention come.
He was the first that e'er did teach
To make, and how to stop, a breach.^ 360
his new edition of Blount's Fragmenta Antiquitatis, supposes
Roger Bacon to have been born near Mekesburgh, now Mex-
borough, in the county of York, and that his famous brazen
head was set up in a field at Rothwell, near Leeds.
His great. knowledge caused him to be thought a magician ; the
superior of his order put him in prison on that account, from
whence he was delivered, and died A. D. 1292, aged 78. Some,
however, believe the story of the head to be nothing more than
a moral fable.
* This alludes to William Lilly the astrologer. — Merlin was a
Welsh magician, who lived about the year 500. He was reck
oned llie prince of enchanters; one that could outdo and undo
the enchantments of all others. Spenser, book i. c. vii. 3C.
It Merlin was, which whylome did excell
All living wightes in might of niagicke spell.
There was also a Scotch Jlerlin, a prophet, called Merlinus
Caledonius, or Merlin the Wild, who lived at Allewyd about the
year 570. Geoffry of Monmouth hath written the fabulous his-
tory of both these persons : of the Briton, in his book de gestis
Britonum, f. 51, ed. Ascens. 3508 — of the Scot, in a Latin poem
preserved in the Cotton Library. See Pinkerton's Inquiry into
the History of Scotland, vol. ii. p. 275.
't The literal sense would be, that he was skilful in the heav-
enly spheres ; that is, was a great astrologer: but a sphere is
properly any thing round, and the tinker's skill lay in mending
pots and kettles, which are commonly of that shape. There
was a kind of divination practised "impia fraude ant anili super-
stitione" — a sieve was put upon the point of a pair of shear5,
and expected to turn round when the person or thing inquired
after was named. This silly method of applying for informa-
tion is mentioned by Theocritus, Idyll. 3. It is called Coscino-
mantia.
i This seems to be introduced to keep up the comparison.
Roger Bacon is said to have invented gunpowder. It has been
observed, that gunpowder was invented by a priest, and printing
by a soldier.
$ Tinkers are said to mend one hole, and make two.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 97
A lance he bore with iron pike,
Til' one half wou'd thrust, the other strike ;
And when their forces he had join'd,
He scorn'd to turn his parts behind. •
He Trulla lov'd * Trulla more bright 365
Than burnish'd armor of her kuiglit ;
A bold virago, stout, and tall,
As Joan of France, or English Mall ;t
Thro' perils both of wind and limb.
Thro' thick and thin she foUow'd him 370
In ev'ry adventure ii' undertook,
And never him or it forsook :
At breacii of wall, or hedge surprise,
She shar'd i' th' hazard, and the prize ;
At beating quarters up, or forage, 375
Behav'd herself with matchless courage,
And laid about in fight more busily
Than th' Amazonian Dame Penthesile ;t
And tho' some critics here cry Shame,
And say our authors are to blame, 380
'I'hat, spite of all philosophers.
Who hold no females stout but bears.
And heretofore did so abhor
That women should pretend to war,
They would not suffer the stout'st dame 385
To swear by Hercules his name ;§
* Trull is a profligate woman, that follows the camp. Trulla
signifies the same in Italian. Casaiihon derives it Ironi the Greek
ftarpiXXri. — The character is said to have been intended for the
daughter of one James Spencer.
t Joan d'Arc, commonly called the Maid of Orleans, has been
sufficiently celebrated in the English histories of the reign of
Henry VI. about the years 1428 and 1429.
English Moll was no less famous about the year 1670. Her
real name was Mary Carlton ; but she was more commonly dis-
tinguished by tlie title of Kentish Moll, or the German princess.
— A renowned cheat and pickpocket, who was transported to
Jamaica in 1671 ; and, being soon after discovered at large, was
hanged at Tyburn, January 22. 1672-3. Memoirs of Mary Carl-
ton were published 1073. Granger, in his Biographical History,
calls her Mary Firth. See vol. ii. p. 408. ed. 8vo. She was com-
monly called English Mall. Thus Cleveland, p. 07, "certainly
" it is under the same notion, as one wliose pockets are picked
"goes to Mai Cutpnrse."'
i In the first editions it is printed with more humor Pen-
thesile. See Virgil, .^neid. i. 490.
Ducit An\azonidum lunatis agmina peltis
Penthesilea furens, mediisque in millibus ardet,
Aurea subneclens e.xserts cingula niamniK
Bellatrix, audetque viris concurrere virgo.
6 The men and women, among the Romaa», did not use tbo
5
98 HUDIBRAS, [Part i.
Make feeble ladies in their works,
To fight like termagants and Turks •*
To lay their native arms aside,
Their modesty, and ride astride ;t 390
To run a tilt at men and v^ield
Their naked tools in open field ;
As stout Arniida, bold Thalestris,
And she that would have been the mistress
Of Gundibert, but he had grace, 395
And rather took a country lass :t
same oath, or swear by the same deity ; Aiilus Gellius, Noctes
Atticse, lib. xi. cap. 6; but commonly the oath of women was
Castor; of men Edepol.orMehercule. According to Macrobius,
the men did not swear by Castor, nor the women by Hercules ;
but Eilepol, or swearing by Pollux, was common to both.
*,The word termagant now signifies a noisy and troublesome
person, especially of the female sex. How it came by this sig-
nification i know not. Some derive it from the Latin ter niagnus,
felix ter et amplius ; but Junius thinks it compounded of the
Anglo Saxon t^p, the superlative or third degree of comparison,
and maja potens : thus the Saxon word eabeg happy, typ
eabes most happy. — In Chaucer's rime of sire Thopas, termagant
appears to l)e the name of a deity. The giant sire Oliphaunt,
swears by Termagaunt, line 1.3741. Bale, describing the threats
used by some papist magistrates to his wife, speaks of them as
"grennying upon her lyke termagaunts in a playe." And Ham-
let in Shakspeare, (Act iii. sc. 2.) "I would have such a fellow
whipp'd for o'erdoing Termagant, it out-herods Herod." The
French romances corrupted the word into tervagaunt, and from
them La Fontaine took it up, and has used it more than once in
his Tales. Mr. Tyrwhitt informs us that this Saracen deity, in
an old MS. romance in the Eodleian Library, is constantly called
Tervagan.
Bishop Warburton very justly observes, that this passage is a
fine satire on the Italian epic poets, Ariosto, Tasso, and others ;
who have introduced their female warriors, and are followed in
this absurdity by Spenser and Davenant. — Bishop Hurd, likewise,
in his ingenious and elegant Letters on Chivalry, p. 12, says,
"One of the strangest circumstances (in old romance; is that of
"the women warriors. Butler, wlio saw it in this light, ridi-
"cules it, as a most unnatural idea, with great spirit. Yet, in
" these representations they did but copy from the manners of
"the times. Anna Comncna tells us, that the wife of Roberf
"the Norman fought, side by side, with her -husband in his
"battles."
t Camden, in his account of Richmond, (Article Stirrey, vol.
f. col. 188, ed. 1722,) says, that Anne, wife of Richard II., daugh-
ter of the emperor Charles IV., taught the English women the
present mode of riding, about the year 1388. Before which time
they rode astride. — J. Gower, who dates his poem 16 Richard II.,
1394, describing a company of ladies on horseback, says, " everich
"one ride on side," p. 70, a. 2.
i The princess Rhodalind harbored a secret affection for Gon-
dibert ; but he was more struck with the charms of the hamblu
Birtha, daughter to the sage Astragon.
Canto u.] HUDIBHAS. 99
They say 'tis false, without all sense,
But of pernicious consequence
To government, which they suppose
Can never be upheld in prose :* 400
Strip nature naked to the skin.
You'll find about her no such thing.
It may be so, yet what we tell
Of Trulla, that's improbable,
Shall be depos'd by those have seen't, 405
Or, what's as good, produc'd in print ;t
And if they will not take our word.
We'll prove it true upon record.
The upright Cerdon next advanc't,t
Of all his race the valiant'st ; 410
Cerdon the Great, renown'd in song.
Like Herc'les, for repair of wrong :
Ho rais'd the low, and fortify'd
The weak against the strongest side :§
111 has he read, that never hit 415
On him in muses' deathless writ.||
Courts she ne'er saw ; yet courts could have outdone,
With untaught looks, and an unpractis'd heart.
* Butler loses no opportunity of rallying Sir William Dave-
rant, and burlesquing his poem entitled Gondibert. Sir William,
like many professional men, was much attached to his own line
of science; and in his preface to Gondibert, endeavors to show,
that neither divines, leaders of armies, statesmen, nor ministers
of the law, could uphold the government without the aid of
poetry.
t The vulgar imagine thievery thing which they see in
print must be true. An instahce of this is related by our coun-
tryman, Mr. Martin, who was thrown into the inquisition for
neglecting to pay due respect to a religious procession at Malaga.
One of the father-inquisitors took much pains to convert him ;
and among other abuses which he cast on the reformed religion
and its professors, affirmed that king William was an atheist,
and never reteived the sacrament. Mr. Martin assured him this
was false to his own knowledge : when the reverend father re-
plied, " Isaac, Isaac, never tell me so. — I have read it in a French
book."
t An equivoque on the word upright. Perhaps our poet might
here mean to satirize Colonel Hewson, who was a cobbler, great
preacher, and a commander of some note : "renown'd in tonij,"
for there are many ballads and poems which celebrate the cob-
bler and his stall.
$ Repaired the heels, and mended the worn-out parts of ths
shoe.
II A parody upon these lines in Gondiberi:
Recorded Rhodalind, whose name in verso
Who hath not hit, not luckily hath read.
Oi thus :
Recorded Rhodalind, whose high renown
Who miss in books, not luckily tave read.
100 HUDIBRAS. [Part t
He had a weapon keen and fierce,
That thro' a bull-hide shield would pierce,*
And cut it in a thousand pieces,
The' tougher than the Knight of Greece his,t 420
With whom his black-thumb'd ancestor!
Was comrade in ^he ten years' war :
For when the restless Greeks sat down
So many years before Troy town,
And were reiiown'd, as Homer writes, 425
For well-sol'd boots no less than fights,§
They ow'd that glory only to
His ancestor, that made them so.
Fast friend he was to reformation,
Until 'twas worn quite out of fashion ; 430
Next rectifier of wry law,
And would make three to cure one flaw.
Learned he was, and could take note,
Transcribe, collect, translate, and quote :
But preaching was his chiefest talent, 435
Or argument, in which being valiant,
He us'd to lay about, and stickle,
Like ram or bull at conventicle :
For disputants, like rams and bulls.
Do fight with arms that spring from sculls. 440
Last Colon came,|| bold man of war
Destin'd to blows by fatal star ;
Right expert in command of horse,
But cruel, and without remorse.
That which of Centaur loUg ago 445
Was said, and has been wrested to
Some other knights, was true of this :
He and his horse were of a piece :
One spirit did inform th^m both.
The self-same vigour, fury, wroth ; 450
* Meaning his sharp knife, with which he cut the leather
t The slileld of Ajax.
Aiaf 3' iyyvdiv }j\Oe, <pip(i)v aaKot rjiTC /rtJpyuv,
Xd^Kcov, l-KTaBde^ov, '6 u[ Tvx'os xdjit Ttvx''>v-
Iliad, vii. 219.
i According to the old verses :
Tlir liiphtr the plumb-tree, the riper the plumb;
The richer tlie cobbler, the blacker his thumb.
? Eti<fvi7/nO£{ 'Axaioi — Kvri^iU, was an armor for the legs,
from Kvt'ijiTi, tibia, crus, which Butler ludicrously calls boots.
II Colon is said, by Sir Robert L'Estrange, to be one Ned Perry,
an ostler ; possibly he had risen to some command in a regiment
3f horse
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 101
Yet he was much the rougher part,
And always had the harder heart,
Altho' his horse had been of those
That fed on man's flesh, as fame goes :*
Strange food for horse ! and yet, alas ! 435
It may be true, for flesh is grass.t
Sturdy he was, and no less able
Than Hercules to cleanse a stable ;t
As great a drover, and as great
A critic too, in hog or neat. 460
He ripp'd the womb up of his mother.
Dame Tellus,§ 'cause sjie wanted fother,
And provender, wherewith to feed
Himself, and his less cruel steed.
It was a question whether he, 465
Or's horse, were of a family
More worshipful ; 'till antiquaries.
After th'ad almost por'd out their eyes.
Did very learnedly decide
The bus'ness on the horse's side, 470
And prov'd not only horse, but cows.
Nay pigs, were of the elder house :
* The horses of Diomedes were said to have been fed with
nunian flesh.
Non tibi succurrit cnidi Diomedis ima^'o,
Eflierus huniana qui dape pavit eqiias.
Ovid. Epist. Deianira Herculi.
The moral, perhaps, might be, that Diomede was mined by
keeping his horses, as Acleon was said to be devoured by his
dogs, because he was ruined Uy keeping them: a good hint to
young men, qui gaudent equis, canibusque ; the French say, of
a man who has ruined himself by extravagance, il a mange ses
biens.
See the account of Duncan's horses in Shakspeare, (Macbeth,
Ac. ii. sc. 4.)
t Our poet takes a particular pleasure in bantering Sir Thomas
Browne, author of the Vulgar Errors, and Religio Medici. In
the latter of these tracts he had said, "All flesh is grass, not
" only metaphorically, but literally : for all those creatures we
"behold, are but the herbs of the field digested into flesh in
" them, or more remotely carnified in ourselves. Nay, farther,
" we are, what we all abhor, anthropophagi and cannibals ; de-
" vourers not only of men but of ourselves, and th;it not in alle-
"gory but positive truth; for all this mass of flesh which we
" behold came in at our mouth ; this frame we look upon hath
" been upon our trenchers."
i Alluding to the fabulous story of Hercules, who cleansed
the stables of Augeus, king of Elis, by turning the river Alpheus
through them.
^ This means no more than his ploughing the ground. The
ninck epic delights in exaggerating the most trifling circumstan
ces. This whole character is full of w =t and hapi>y allusions.
105; HUDIBRAS. [Part i
For beasts, when man was but a piece
Of earth himself, did th' earth possess.
These worthies were the chief that led 475
Tlie combatants,* each in the head
Of his command, with arms aad rage,
Ready and longing to engage.
Tlio ftumerous rabble was drawn out
Of sev'ral countries round about, 480
From villages remote, and shires,
Of east and western hemispheres.
From foreign parishes and regions,
Of different manners, speech, religignsji
Came men and mastiffs ; some to fight 485
For fame and honor, some for sight.
And now the field of death, the lists.
Were enter'd by antagonists,
And blood was ready to be broach'd,
When Hudibras in haste approach'd, 490
With Squire and weapons to attack 'em ;
But first thus from his horse bespake 'em:
What rage, O citizens !t what fury
Doth you to these dire actions hurry ?
What CEstrum, what phrenetic mood§ 495
* All Eiitler's heroes are round-heads : the cavaliers are sel-
dom mentioned in his poem. The reason may be, that his satire
on the two predominant sects would not have had the saine
force from the mouth of a royalist. It is now founded on tfie
acknowledgments and mutual recriminations of the parties ex-
posed.
t In a thanksgiving sermon preached before the parliament on
the taking of Chester, the pre?i her said, there were in London
no le;,s than one hundred and fifty different sects.
t Butler certainly had thcso lines of Lucan in view, Phar-
Bal i-8:
Quis furor, O cives, roe tanta licentia ferri,
Gentibiis invisus Ij?.l'im priEliere cruoruni ?
Cumque superua (f.rrl Bahylon spolianda trophtcis
Ausoniis, timb'xOiio erraret Crassus inult&,
Bella geri placuii nullos habiiura triumphos'J
Heu, quaricurr, potult terra; pelagiquc parari
Hoc, quern civiles hauserunt, sanguine, dextrae.
ind Virgil, yEn.ii. 42:
O miseri, qufe tanta insania, cives?
Perhaps, too, he recollected the seventh epode of Horace :
duo, quo scelesti, ruitis ? aut cur dexteris
Aptantur enses conditio
{ OT^pos is not only a Greek word for madness, but signifies
»lso a gad-bee. or horse-fly, that torments cattle in the summer
Hid makes them run about as if they were mad
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 103
Makes you thus lavish of your blood,
While the proud Vies your trophies hoist.
And, unreveng'd, walks ghost ?*
What towns, what garrisons might you,
Witli hazard of this blood, subdue, 500
Which now y' are bent to throw away
In vain, untriumphable fray ?t
Shall saints in civil bloodshed wallow
Of saints, and let the cause lie fallow ?t
The cause, for which we fought and swore 505
So boldly, shall we now give o'er?
Then, because quarrels still are seen
With oaths and swearings to begin,
The solemn league and covenant§
Will seem a mere God-damn-me rant, 510
And we that took it, and have fought,
As lewd as drunkards that fall out :
For as we make war for the king
Against himself,|| the self-same thing
Some will not stick to swear we do 515
For God, and for religion too ;
* Vies, or Devizes, in Wiltshire. This passage alludes to the
defeat given by Wilmot to the forces under Sir William Waller,
near that place, July 13, 1643. After the battle Sir William was
entirely neglected by his party. Clarendon calls it the battle of
liouudvvay-down. See vol. ii. p. 224. Some in joke call it Run-
away-down. Others suppose the hiatus, in the second line,
ought to be supplied by the name Hampden, who was killed in
•■■halgrove-field in Oxfordshire, about the time of Waller'.s de-
feat in the neighborhood of the Devizes. — The heathen poets
have feigned, that the ghosts of the slain could not enter Ely-
sium till their deaths were revenged.
t The Romans never granted a triumph to the conqueror in a
civil war.
I The support of the discipline, or ecclesiastical regimen by
presbyters, was called the Cause, as if no other cause were com-
parable to it. See Hooker's Eccles. Pol., preface.
§ Mr. Robert Gordon, in his history of the illustrious family
of Gordon, vol. ii. p. 197, compares the solemn league and cove-
nant with the holy league in France : he says, they were as like
as one egg to another ; the one was nursed by the Jesuits, the
other by tiie Scots Presbyterians.
II "To secure the king's person from danger," says Lord Clar-
endon, " was an expression they were not ashamed always to
'• use, when there was no danger that threatened, but what
"themselves contrived and designed against him. They not
"only declared that they fought for the king, but that the raising
"and maintaining soldiers for their own army, would be an ac-
"ceptable service for the king, parliament, and'kingdom."
One Blake, in the king's army, gave intelligence to the enemy
In what part of the army the king fought, that they mi-ght direw
Iheir bullets accordingly
104 HUDIBKAS. [Part t
For if bear-baiting we allow,
Wliat gond can reformation do?*
The blood and treasure that's laid out
Is thrown away, and goes for nought. 520
Are these the Iruits o' th' protestation,t
Tlie piolotype of reformation,!
Which all the saints, and some, since martyrs,§
Wore in their hats like wedding-garters,l|
When 'twas resolved by their iiouse, 523
Six members' quarrels to espouse '.'IT
Did they for this draw down the rabble.
With zeal, and noises formidable ;**
And make all cries about the town
Join throats to cry the bishops down? 530
Who having round begirt the palace,
As once a month they do the gallows,tt
As members gave the sign about,
Set up their throats with hideous shout.
* Hewson is said, by Mr. Hume, to liave gone, in the fervor
of Ills zeal against bear-baiting, and liilleil all tlie bears vvliich
he could tind in the city. But we are told by the author of the
Mystery of the good old Cause, a pamphlet published soon after
these animals were destroyed, that they were killed by Colonel
Fride. Granger's Biogra|)liical History, vol. iii. p. 75.
t 'I'he protestation was framed, and taken in the house of
commons, Rlay 3, 16-11 ; and immediately printed and dispersed
over ihe nation. The design of it was to alarm the people with
fears and ajiprehensions bolh fur their civil and religions liber-
ties; as if tlie Protestant religion were in danger, and the privi-
leges of parliament trampled upon. The king was deemed to
have acted unconstitutionally the day before, by taking notice
of the bill of attainder against the earl of Strallbrd, then depend-
ing in the house of lords.
t The protestation wjis the first attempt towards a national
cnmliination against the estalilishment, and was harbinger to the
covenant. See Nalson's Collections, vol. i. p. ult., and Walker's
Suflerings of the Clergy, vol. i. 2-2-t).
^ Those that were killed in the war.
II The protestors or petitioners, when they came tunniltuonsly
to the parliament-house, Dec. 27, ll;41, slack pieces of paper in
their hats, which were to piss for their protestation.
11 Charles 1. ordered the following iiiembers — Lord Kimbnlton,
Blr. Pym, Mr. Hollis, Mr. Hampden, Sir Arthur Hase.r.g, and
HI'. Stn»ii — to be proseculed, tiir plotti»g with the ?cois, and
stirring up sedition. The Cdiiiiiions voted against their arrest,
and the king went to the hmisc willi his guards, in order to seize
them; Imt they had received intelligence of the design, and
made their escnpe. This was one of the first acts of open vio-
lence which preceded the civil wars. The king took this meas-
ure chieliy by the advice of Lord Digby.
** The cry of the rabble was, as mentioned in the following
lines, tiir reformation in church and state — no bishops — no evil
counsellors, &.c. See the protestation in Rapin's History.
+ f 'J'he executions at Tyburn were generally once a month.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. X05
"When tinkers bawl'd aloud, to settle 535
Churcli-discipline, for patching kettle.*
No sow-gelder did blow his horn
To geld a cat, but cry'd Reform.
The oyster-women lock'd their fish up,
And trudg'd away to cry No Bishop : 540
The mouse-trap men laid save-alls by.
And 'gainst ev'l counsellors did cry.
Botchers left old cloaths in the lurcn.
And fell to turn and patch the church.
isome cry'd the covenaut, instead 545
Of pudding-pies and ginger-bread :
And some for brooms, old boots, and shoes,
Bawl'd out to purge the commons' house :
Instead of kitchen-stufF, some cry
A gospel-preaching ministry : 550
And some for old suits, coats, or cloak,
No surplices, nor service-book.
A strange harmonious inclination
Of all degrees to reformation :
And is this all ? is this the end 555
To wiiich these carr'ings-on did tend?
Hath public faith, like a young heir,
For this tak'n up ail sorts of ware.
And run int' ev'ry tradesman's book,
'Till both turn bankrupts, and are broke ; 560
Did saints for this bring in their plate, t
And crowd, as if they came too late?
For when they thought the Cause had need on't
Happy was he that could be rid on't.
Did they coin piss-pots, bowls, and flaggons, 560
Int' officers of horse and dragoons ;
And into pikes and musqueteers
Stamp beakers, cups, and porringers?
A thimble, bodkin, and a spoon.
Did start up living men, as soon 570
As in the furnace they were thrown,
Just like the dragon's teetii b'ing sown.t
* For, that is, instead of; as also in v. 547 and 551.
t Zealous persons, on both sides, lent tiieir plate, to raise
money for recruiting tlie army. Tlie king, or some one for tiia
parliament, gave notes of tiand to repay with interest. Several
colleges at Oxford have notes to this day, for their plate delivered
to the king; and 1 have seen many other notes of the same
nature. Even the poor women brought a spoon, a thimble, or a
bodkin.
t Ovid. Metamorph. lib. iii. 106.
5*
106 HUDIBRAS. [Parti.
Then was the cause all gold and plate,
Tlie brethren's ofF'rings, consecrate,
Like th' Hebrew calf, and down before it 575
The saints fell prostrate, to adore it*
So say the wicked — and will you
Make that sarcasmous scandal true,t
By running after dogs and bears,
Beasts more unclean than calves or steers? 580
Have pow'rful preachers ply'd their tongues,t
And laid themselves out, and their lungs ;
Us'd all means, both direct and sinister,
I' th' power of gospel-preaching minister?
Have they invented tones, to win 585
The women, and make them draw in
The men as Indians with a female
Tame elephant inveigle the male ?§
Have they told prov'dence what it must do.
Whom to avoid, and whom to trust to? 590
Discover'd th' enemy's design,
And which way best to countermine ;
Prescribed what ways he hath to work.
Or it will ne'er advance the kirk ;
Told it the news o' th' last express, |1 595
And afte» good or bad success
• Exert, xxxii.
t Sarcasmus is here converted into an adjective.
i Calainy, Case, and tlie other dissenting teaciiers, exhorted
their flocks, in the most moving terms and tones, to contribute
their money towards the support of the parliament army.
^ The method by which elephants are cuiight, is by placing a
tame female elephant within an inclosure, who, like a decoy-
duck, draws in the male.
II The prayers of the Presbyterians, in those days, were very
historical. Mr. G. Swaithe, in his Prayers, p. 12, says, " I hear
" the king hath set up his standard at York, against the pariia-
" nient, and the city of London. Look thou upon them ; take
** their cause in thine own hand ; appear thon in the cause of
"thy saints; the cause in hand."
"'J'ell them, from the Holy Ghost," says Beech, "from the
■ word of truth, that their destruction shall be terrible, it shall
" be timely, it shall be total.
"Give thanks unto the Lord, for he is gracious, and his mercy
"endureth forever. — Who remembered us at Naseby, for his
"mercy endureth forever.
" Who remembered us in Pembrokeshire, for his mercy, &c.
"Who remembered us at Leicester, for his mercy, &.c.
" Who remembered us at Taunton, for his mercy, &c.
"Who remembered us at Bristol, for his mercy, &c." See
vrmon, licensed b) Mr. Cranford, 1645.— Mr. Pennington, lord
mayor, in his order to the London ministers, April, 1643, says,
'' Yiu »-re to commend tcJ God in your prayers, the lord general,
"Um whole army in the parliament service; as also in youi
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS • 107
INIade prayers, not so like petitions.
As overtures aud propositions,
Such as the army did present
To their creator, the parliament ; COO
In which they freely will confess,
They will not, cannot acquiesce,
Unless the work be carry'd on
In the same way they have begun.
By setting church and common-weal C05
All on a flame, bright as their zeal,
On which the saints were all a-gog.
And all this for a bear and dog.
The parliament drew up petitions*
To 'tself, and sent them, like commissions, eao
To well-afFected persons down,
In every city and great town,
With pow'r to levy horse and men.
Only to bring them back again ;
For this did many, many a mile, 615
Ride manfully in rank and file.
With papers in their hats, that show'd
As if they to the pillory rode.
•Have all these courses, these efforts,
Been try'd by people of all sorts, 63C
Velis et remis, omnibus nervis,t
And all t' advance the cause's service :
And shall all now be thrown away
In petulant intestine fray ?
Shall we, that in the cov'nant swore, 623
Each man of us to run before
" sermons eflectually to stir up the people to appear in person,
"and lo join with the army, and the committee for the militia in
"the city."
* It was customary' for the active members of parliament to
draw up petitions and send them into the country to be signed.
Lord Clarendon charges them with altering the matter of the
petition after it was signed and affixing a fresh petition to the
names. The Hertfordshire petition, at the beginning of the war,
took notice of things done in parliament the night before its
delivery: it was signed by many thousands. Another petition
was presented, beginning, " We men, women, children, and
" servants, having considered," &c. Fifteen thousand porters
petitioned against the bishops, affirming they cannot endiue tho
weight of episcopacy any longer.
t That is, with all their might. The reader will remember,
that to our hero
Latin was no more difficile
Than to a black-bird 'tis to whistle. Canto i. I. 53
108 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Another* still in reformation,
Give dojjs and bears a dispensation ?
How will dissenting brethren relish It?
What will malignaiitst say? videlicet, 630
That eacli man swore to do his best,
To dam and perjure all the rest;
And bid the devil take the hinmost.
Which at this race is like to win most.
They'll say, our bus'ness to eform 633
The church and state is but a worm ;
For to subscribe, unsight, unseen.
T' an unknown church's discipline,
What is it else, but, before hand,
T' engage, and after understand ? 640
For wiien we swore to carry on
The present reformation.
According to the purest mode
Of churches, best rcform'd abroad,t
What did we else but make a vow 645
To do, we knew not what, nor how?
For no three of us will agree
Where, or what churches these should be.
And is indeed the self-same case
With theirs that swore et cieteras ;§ 630
* This was a cnnimon phrase in those days, particnlarly with
the zealous preachers, and is ia^^erted in the solemn league and
covenml.
t 'I'hiit is, the Icing's party; the parliament calling their op-
ponents liy lliiit n;inie.
t The I'resbyterians pretended tn desire suclt a reformation as
had talien place in tlie neighlmring cliurches; the king offered to
invite any cliurches to a national synod, and could not evea
obtain an answer to the proposal.
Instead of taking pattern hy tlie l)est reformed churches, they
would have lind other reformed cliurches lake pattern by them.
They sent letlers, and their covenant, to seventeen foreign
churches; but they never produced the answer they received
from any of them — a plain indication that prolestants abroad did
not approve their practices.
^> IJy tlie convocation, which sat in the beginning of 16-40, all
the clergy were required to take an oalh in this form : " Nor
"will I ever give my consent to alter the government of this
" church by arcliliishops, bishops, deans, archdeacons, et catera."
See this oath Ht length in Biographia Brilannica, and Biixlei's
Life, p. 15. Dr. Ileylin, who was a member of the convocation,
declared, that the words, "et ca-lera," were an oversiirht, and in-
tended to have been expunged bellire it was sent to the press: and
beside, that the oath w,is rendered so determinate, and the words
so restrained by the other part, that there could he no danger
no mystery or iiiitiuity in it. Litis of Archbishop Laud; but
such an oath could not be justified, as every oath ought to be
plain and determinate. See Cleveland's Poem, p. 33.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 109
Or the French league, in which men vow'd
To fight to the last drop of blood.*
These slanders will be thrown upon
The cause and work we carry on,
If we permit men to run headlong 65S
T' exorbitances fit for Bedlam,
Rather than gospel-walking times,t
When slightest sins are greatest crimes.
But we the matter so shall handle, .
As to remove that odious scandal. 660
In name of king and parliament, t
I charge ye all, no more foment
This feud', but keep the peace between
Your brethren and your countrymen ;
And to those places straight repair 665
Where your respective dwellings are :
But to that purpose first surrender
The fiddler, as the prime ofrender,§
Th' incendiaiy vile, that is chief
Author, and engineer of mischief ; 670
That makes division between friends,
For prophane and malignant ends.
Who swears et crtera, swears more oalhs at once
Than Cerliems, out of his triple sconce ;
Who views it well, with the same eye beholds ,
The old false serpent in his numerous folds.
Accurst et cietera ;
Then finally, my babes of grace, forbear,
Et ca;tera will be too far to swear;
Fi>r 'tis, to speak in a familiar stile,
A Yorkshire vvea-bit longer than a mile.
Mr. Buller here shows his impartiality, ly bantering the faults
of his own party.
* The holy league in France, 1576, was the original of the
Scotch solenm league and covenant: they are often compared
together Ly Sir William Dugdale and others. See Satire Me-
nippt'e, sometimes called the French Hudibras.
t This is one of the cant phrases much used in our author's
time.
i The Presbyterians made a distinction between the king's
person politic, and his person natural: when they fought against
the latter, it was in defence of the former, always inseparable
from the parliament. The commission granted to the earl of
Essex was in the name of the king and parliament. But when
the Inileperiflents got the upper hand, the name of the king waa
omitted, and the coiimiission of Sir Thomas Fairfax ran only in
the name of the parliament.
§ See the fable of the trumpeter, who was put to death for
setting people together by the ears without fighting himself. It
burlesques the clamors made by the parliament against evil
counsellors; to which clamors were sacrificed Lord Strafford
Archbishop Laud, and others
»
110 HUDIBRAS. [PartL
He and that engine of vile noise,
On which illegally he plays,
Shall, dictum factum, both be brought 67S
To condign pun'shment as they ought.
This must be done, and I would fain see
Mortal so sturdy as to gain-say :
For then I'll take another course.
And soon reduce you all by force. 680
This said, he clapt his hand on's sword,
To shew he meant to keep his word.
But Talgol, who had long supprest
Inflamed wrath in glowing breast,*
Which now began to rage and burn as 685
Implacably as flame in furnace,
Thus answer'd him ; Thou vermin wretched,+
As e'er in measled pork was hatched ;t
Thou tail of worship, that dost grow
On rump of justice as of cow ; • 090
How dar'st thou with that sullen luggage
O' thyself, old ir'n§ and other baggage.
With which thy steed of bone and leather
Has broke his wind in halting hither ;
How durst th', I say, adventure thus 695
T' oppose thy lumber against us ?
Could thine impertinence find out
No work t' employ itself about.
Where thou secure from wooden blow,
Thy busy vanity might show ? 700
Was no dispute afoot between
The caterwauling brethren ?
No subtle question rais'd among
Those out-o' -their wits, and those i' th' wrong ?
• jEstuat. ingens
Imo in corde pudor, mixtoque insania luctu,
Et furiis agitatus amor, et conscia virtus.
^neid. X. 870.
Tiie speech, though coarse, and becoming the mouth of a
butcher, is an excellent satire upon the justices of the peace in
those days, who were often shoemakers, tailors, or common liv-
ery servants. Instead of making peace with their neighbors,
they hunted impertinently for trifling offences, and severely pun
Ished them.
t Hon.'ST's language is almost as coarse in the following line i
OhoSapls, Kvvoi Sjifiar' (X'^'^i Kpailriv 6^i\d(poio.
II. 1. 225.
I Unhealthy pigs are subject to an eruption, like the measles,
Which breeds maggots, or vermin.
( Meaning his sword and pistols.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. m
No prize between those combatants 705
O' th' times, the land and water saints ;*
Where thou might'st stickle without hazard
Of outrage, to thy hide and mazzard,t
And, not for want of bus'ness, come
To us to be thus troublesome, 710
To interrupt our better sort
Of disputants, and spoil our sport ?
Was there no felony, no bawd,
Cut-purse, t nor burglary abroad ?
No stolen pig, nor plunder'd goose, 715
To tie thee up frem breaking loose?
No ale unlicens'd, broken hedge,
For which thou statute might'st alledge.
To keep thee busy from foul evil,
And shame due to thee from the devil ? 720
Did no committee sit,§ where he
Might cut out journey-work for thee ;
And set th' a task with subornation.
To stitch up sale and sequestration ;
* That is, tlie Presbyterians and Anabaptists.
t Face, perliaps from the Latin, maxilla; and the French,
machoire. [More probably from mazer, a cup, from the Dutch,
maeser, a knot of maple :
A mazer ywrought of the maple ware.
Spenser, Shep. Cal. Aug. v. 26.
That the name of the cnp should be transferred to the toper,
seems not at all inconsistent with tlie etymology of burlesque
words ; the nortliern custom of drinking out of the skull of an
enemy, and the southern fashion of adorning ci'ps with grotesque
heads, lend a probability to this derivation, which is somewhat
helped by the words of Minshew, sub voce mazer; — "enim
" pocula plef inque sunt acerna, facta ex tornatis hnjus ligni ra-
" dicibus, qUE propter multicvtorcs venas, maculasque variegatas
"aspectu jucunda sunt, et mensis gratissima." Mazer is used
for a head, seriously, by Sylvester ; and ludicrously in two old
plays. Mazer became mazzard, as vizor became vizard.
Archdeacon Nares very justly observes, that the derivation
from machoire, a jaw, is contradicted by Shakspeare ; —
Nam.Thh (skull) might be my lord such-a-one Why,
e'en so : and now my lady Worm's ; chapless, and knock'd
about the mazzard with a sexton's spade.]
i Men formerly hung their purses, by a silken or leathern
strap, to their belts, on the outside of their garments, as ladies
now wear watches. See the figures on old monuments. Hence
the miscreant, whom we now denominate a pickpocket, was
then properly a cutpurse.
5 In many counties, certain persons appointed by the parlia
ment to promote their interest, had power to raise money for
their use, and to punish their opponents by fine and imprison-
ment: these persons so associated were called a committet
Walker's Sufferings of the Episcopal Clergy, part 1.
112 HUDIBRAS. [Pauti
To cheat, with .loliness and zeal, 724
All parties, and the common-weal ?
Much better had it been for thee,
H' had kept thee where th' art us'd to be ;
Or sent th' on business any whither,*
So he had never brought thee hither. 730
But if th' hast brain enough in skull
To keep within his lodging whole,
And not provoke the rage of stones,
And cudgels, to thy hide and bones ;
Tremble, and vanish while thou may'st, 733
Which I'll not promise if thou stay'st.
At this the Knight grew high in wroth,
And lifting hands and eyes up both.
Three times he smote on stomach stout,
From whence, at length, these words broke out 40
Was I for this entit'led Sir,
And girt with trusty sword and spur,
For fame and honour to wage battle.
Thus to be brav'd by foe to cattle?
Not all the pride that makes thee swellt 745
As big as thou dost blown-np veal ;
Nor all thy tricks and slights to cheat.
And sell thy carrion for good meat ;
Not all thy magic to repair
Decay'd old age, in tough lean ware, 750
Make natural death appear thy work,
And stop the gangrene in stale pork ;
Not ail that force that makes thee proud,
Because by bullock ne'er withstood :
Tho' arm'd with all thy cleavers, knives, 755
And axes mad* to hew down lives.
* Sir Samuel Luke was scont-master in the parliament-army
hence the poet supposes Hudibras might be sent on errands by
the devil.
t Oi'« av Toi xpalayir) Kldapi?, rd re 5aip' 'A(jtpo6iT7ii,
"U Tt Kdfttl, t6, tc iiioi, or Iv Kovlriai ftiydri;.
Homer. Iliad, iii. 54.
Neqnicquam, Veneris prasidio ferox,
Pectes cajsarieni : grataqiie feniinis
Iinlielli cithara carrnina divides :
Nequicquaiii thal.iino graves
Hastas, et calami spicula Cnossii
Vitabis, strepiiuiiique, et celerem sequi
Ajacem. Tanien, hen, serus adulteros
Crines palvere collines.
Hor. Carm lib. i. ISl
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 113
Shall save, or help thee to evade
The hand of justice, or this blade.
Which I, her sword-bearer, do carry,
For civil deed and military. 760
Nor shall these words of venom base,
Which thou hast from their native place,
Thy stomach, pump'd to fling on me,
Go unreveng'd, though I am free.*
Thou down the same throat shalt devour 'em 763
Like tainted beef, and pay dear for 'em.
Nor shall it e'er be said, that wight
With gantlet blue, and bases white, t
And round blunt truncheon by his side,t
So great a man at arms defy'd, 770
With wotds far bitterer than wormwood,
That would in Job or Grizel stir mood.§
Dogs with their tongues their wounds do heal ;
But men with hands, as thou shalt feel.
This said, with hasty rage he snatch'd 775
His gun-shot, that in holsters watch'd ;
* Free, that is, untnuched by your accusations, as being free
from wliHt you chartre uie with.
t Meaning his blue cuffs, and white apron. Gauntlet waa
Iron armor which warriors wore on tlieir hands, and lower part
of their arms. [Bases, a mantle which hung from the middle to
alKiut the knees or lower, worn by knights on horseback.] His
apron reriched the ground, and is therefore called bases.
i That is, the steel on which a butcher whets his knife. la
some editions it is iludgeov, that is, a short weapon.
^ The patience of the former is well known : that of the lat-
ter is celebrated in Chaucer and several old writers. Chaucer,
vol. ii., the Clerk's 'J'ale, ed. Tyrwhitt, 8vo. The story is taken
from Petrarch, for Cliaucer says,
As was Grisilde, therefore Petrark writeth
This storie, which with high stile lie enditeth.
The tract is entitled, De obedientia et fide uxoria mythologia.
Its [irincipal circumstances are these: — Walter, marquis of Sa-
luces, in Lower Lombardy, had a mind to make trial of his
wife's patience and obedience. He first sent some ruffians to
take away her son and daughter, ajiparently with intent to niur-
tier them : then clothed her in the mean apparel which she had
formerly worn ; lor she was a person of low birth ; sent her
home to her father's cottage ; pretended that his subjects were
displeased at his uneqiia". match, and that he had obtained a
dispensation from the pope to marry another woman of equal
rank with himself. All this, patient Grizel bore with great re
sisnation and good humor; till at last the marquis disi losed tha
artifice, and proved thenceforth a kind and affectionate husband
— Chaucer again observes,
That wedded men ne connen no measure
When that they find a patient creature.
114 HUDIBRAS. [Parti
And bending cock, he levell'd full
Against th' outside of Talgol's skull ;
Vowing that he should ne'er stir further,
Nor henceforth cow or bullock murther. 789
But Pallas came in shape of rust,*
And 'iwixt the spring and hammer thrust
Her gorgon-shield, which made the cockt
Stand stiiF as if 'twere turn'd t' a stock.
Mean while fierce Talgol gath'ring might, 785
With rugged truncheon charg'd the Knight ;
And he his rusty pistol held.
To take the blow on, like a shield ;
The gun recbil'd, as well it might,
Not us'd to such a kind of fight. 790
And shrunk from its great master's gripe,
Kaock'd down, and stunn'd, with mortal stripe :
Then Hudibras, with furious haste.
Drew out liis sword ; yet not so fast.
But Talgol first, with hardy thwack, 793
Twice bruis'd his head, and twice his back ;
But when his nut-brown sword was out.
Courageously ho laid about.
Imprinting many a wound upon
His mortal foe, the truncheon. 600 .
The trusty cudgel did oppose
Itself against dead-doing blows,
To guard its leader from fell bane,
And then reveng'd itself again :
And though the sword, some understood, 803
In force, had much the odds of wood ;
'Twas nothing so, both sides were balanc't
So equal, none knew which was vaUant'st. .
For wood with honour b'ing engag'd,
Is so implacably enrag'd, 810
Though iron hew and mangle sore,
Wood wounds and bruises honour more.
* A banter upon Homer, Virgil, and other epic poets, who
have always a deity at hand to protect their heroes.
+ In some editions the next lines are printed thus,
which made the cock
Stand stiff; as t'were transform'd to stock
Meanwhile fierce Talgol, gath'ring might.
With rugged truncheon charg'd the knight,
But he, with petronel upheav'd,
Instead of shield, the blow receiv'd.
Petronel is a horseman's gun, but here it must signify a plsto^
U it does not appear that Hudibras carried a carbine
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 115
And now both knights were out of breath,
Tir'd in the hot pursuit of death ;
Whilst all the rest, amaz'd stood still, 615
Expecting which shoyld take,* or kill.
This Hudibras observ'd, and fretting
Conquest should be so long a getting,
He drew up all his force into
One body, and that into one blow. 830
But Talgol wisely avoided it
By cunnhig slight ; for had it hit
The upper part of him, the blow
Had slit, as sure as that below.
Meanwhile th' incomparable Colon, 825
To aid his friend, began to fall on ;
Him Ralph encounter'd, and straight grew,
A dismal combat 'twixt them two :t
Th' one arm'd with metal, th' other with wood ;t
This fit for bruise,' and that for blood. 830
With many a stiff thwack, many a bang,
Hard crab-tree, and old iron rang ;§
While none that saw them could divine
To which side conquest would incline,
Until Magnano, who did envy 835
That two should with so many men vie,
By subtle stratagem of brain
Perforni'd what force could ne'er attain.
For he, by foul hap, having found
Where thistles grew on barren ground, 840
In haste he drew his weapon out,
And having cropp'd them from the root,
He clapp'd them under th' horse's tail,||
With prickles sharper than a nail.
The angry beast did straight resent 845
The wrong done to his fundament,
Began to kick, and fling, and wince,
As if h' had been beside his sense,
Striving to disengage from smart
And raging pain, th' afflicted part ; 850
Instead of which he threw the pack
Of Squire and baggage from his back ;
* Take, that is, take prisoner, as in verso 905, But took none.
f In some editions,
A fierce dispute between them two.
t In some editions we read, — th' other wood.
<^ Here the sound is an echo to the sense.
II The same tricl< was played upon Don Quixote's Rosinante
»nd Sancho's dapple. P. ii. lib. viii. c. 61, ed. Granville.
116 HUDIBRAS. [Parti.
And blund'ring still with smarting rump,
He gave the champion's steed a thump
That stagger'd him. The Knight did stoop, 851
And sat on further side aslope.
This Talgol viewing, who iiad now,
By flight, escap'd the fatal blow.
He rally'd, and again fell to't ;
For catching foe by nearer foot, 860
He lifted witli such might and strength.
As would have hnrl'd him thrice his length,
And dash'd his brains, if any, out :
But Mars, who still protects the stout,
In pudding-time came to his aid, 865
And under him the bear convey'd ;
The bear, upon whose soft fur-gown
The Knight, with ail his weight, fell down.
The friendly rug preserv'd the ground.
And headlong Knight, from bruise or wound: 870
Like feather-bed betwixt a wall.
And heavy brunt of cannon-ball.
As Sancho on a blanket fell,*
And had no hurt ; ours far'd as well
In body, though his mighty spirit, 875
B'ing heavy, did not so well bear it.
The bear was in a greater fright.
Beat down, and worsted by the Knight;
He roar'd, and rag'd, and flung about,
To shake off bondage from his snout. 880
His wrath inflam'd boil'd o'er, and from
His jaws of death, he threw the foam ;
Fury in stranger postures threw him.
And more than ever herald drew him.
He tore the earth, which he had sav'd 885
From squelch of Knight, and storm'd, and rav'd ;
And vex'd the more, because the harms
He felt were 'gainst the law of arms;
For men he always took to be
His friends, and dogs the enemy, 890
Who never so much hurt had done him.
As his own side did falling on him.
It griev'd him to tiie guts, that they,
For whom h' had fought so many a fray.
And sei-v'd with loss of blood so long, 895
Should offer such inhuman wrong;
Wrong of unsoldier-like condition ;
* Sancho's adventure at the inn, being tossed in a blanket.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 117
For whicli he flung down his commission,*
And laid about him, til! his nose
From thrall of ring and cord broke loose. 000
Soon as he felt himself enlarg'd,
Through thickest of his foes he eharg'd,
And made way through th' amazed crew,
Some he o'er-ran, and some o'erthrew,
But took none ; for, by hasty flight, 005
He strove t'avoid the conquering Knight,
From whom he fled with as much haste
And dread, as he the rabble chac'd.
In haste he fled, and so did they.
Each and his fear a several way.t 910
Crowdero only kept the field,
Not stirring from the place he held,
Though beaten down, and wounded sore,
I' th' fiddle, and a leg that bore
One side of him, not that of bone, 015
But much its better, th' wooden one.
He spying Hudibras lie strow'd
Upon the ground, like log of vi'ood.
With fright of fall, supposed wound.
And loss of urine, in a swound ; 920
In haste he snatch'd the wooden limb,
That hurt in th' ankle lay by him,
And fitting it for sudden fight.
Straight djrew it up, t'attack the Knight,
For getting up on stump and buckle, 025
He with the foe began to buckle,
Vowing to be reveug'd for breach
Of crowd and shin upon the wretch,
Sole author of all detriment
He and his fiddle underwent. 930
But Ralpho, who had now begun
T' adventure resurrectiont
From heavy squelch, and had got up
* Blsliop Warburton remarks on this line, that, during the
tivil wars, it was the usual way for those of either party, at a
distressful juncture, to come to the king or parliament with some
unreasonable demands, and if they were not complied with, to
throw up their commissions, and go over to the opposite side:
pretending that they could not in honor serve any longer un-
der such unsoldier-like indignities. Those unhappy times af-
forded many instances of the kind, in Huny, Middielon, Cooper,
&c., &c.
t His fear, that is, that ^^■hich he feared.
i A ridicule on tiie sectaries, who were fond of using Scrip
ture piurases.
lia HUDIBRAS. Part
Upon his legs with sprained crup,
Looking about beheld the bard 935
To charge the Knight entranc'd prepar'd,
He snatch'd his wliiniard up, that fled
When he was falling off his steed,
As rats do from a falling house.
To hide itself from rage of blows ; 940
And wing'd with speed and fury flew
To rescue Knight from black and blue.
Which ere he could atchieve, his sconce
The 'eg encounter'd twice and once ;*
And now 'twas raised, to smite agen, 945
When Ralpho thrust himself between
He took the blow upon his arm,
To shield the Knight from further harm ;
And joining wrath with force, bestow'd
O' th' wooden member such a load, 950
That down it fell, and with it bore
Crowdero, whom it propp'd before.
To him the Squire right nimbly run.
And setting his bold foot upon
His trunk, thus spnke: What desp'rate frenzy 955
Made thee, thou whelp of sin, to fancy
Thyself, and all that coward rabble,
T' encounter us in battle able?
How durst th', I say, oppose thy curship
'Gainst arms, authority, and worship, 96b
And Hudibras, or mo provoke,
Though all thy limbs were heart of oak,t
And th' other half of thee as good
To bear out blows as that of wood ?
Could not the whipping-post prevail 965
With all its rhet'ric, nor the jail,
To keep from flaying scourge thy skin,
And ankle free from iron gin?
Which now thou shalt — but first our care
Must see how Hudibras doth fare.t 970
This said, he gently rais'd the Knight,
* Thus Justice Silence, in Henry IV. Act V. "Who 11 I have
'■ been merry twice and once ere now." And the witch in Mac
lieth. Act V. "Twice and once the hedge pig whin'd."
t Thus Hector braves Achilles.
ToC J' iyi> avrioj tTfit, Ka\ el irvpl x^'Pt^f fo(Kty,
Ei ]r»pi x^'/""? tJiKS, liifos 5' atOiiivi aiii^ptf,
Uoni. Iliad, lib. xx. Gi/l.
I Imitating Virgil's Quos ego — scd motos, &r.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 1 19
And set him on his bum upright :
To jouze him from lethargic dump,*
He tweak'd his nose, with gentle thump
Knock'd on his breast, as ii't had been &75
To raise the spirits lodg'd witliin.
They waken'd with the noise, did fly
From inward room, to window eye,
And gently op'uing lid, the casement,
Look'd out, but yet with some amazement. 980
This gladded Ralpho much to see,
Who thus bespoke the Knight: quoth he,
Tweaking his nose, you are, great Sir,
A self-denying conqueror ;t
As high, victorious, and great, 085
As e'er fought for the Churches yet,
If you will give yom'self but leave
To make out what y' already have ;
That's victory. The foe, for dread
Of your nine-worthiness,t is fled, 090
All, save Crowdero, for whose sake
You did th' espous'd cause undertake ;
And he lies pris'ner at your feet,
To be dispos'd as you think meet,
Either for life, or death, or sale, 995
The gallows, or perpetual jail ;
For one wink of your pow'rful eye
Must sentence him to live or die.
His fiddle is your proper purchase.
Won in the service of the Churches , lOOO
And by your doom must be allow'd
To be, or be no more, a Crowd :
For tho' success did not confer
Just title on the conqueror ;§
Tho' dispensations were not strong 1005
Conclusions, whether right or wrong ;
* Compare this with the situation of Hector, who was stunned
by a severe blow received from Ajax, and comforted by Apollo
—Iliad. XV. V. 240.
t Ridiculing the self-denying ordinance, by which the mem
bars of both houses were obliged to quit theiremploynients, both
civil and military; notwithstanding which Sir Samuel Luke was
continued governor of Newport Pagnel for some time.
t Thrice worthy is a common appellation in romances; but,
in the opinion of the squire, would iiave been a title not equiva-
lent to the knight's desert. See the History of the Nine Worthies
of the World ; and Fresnoy on Romances.
$ Success was pleaded by the Presbyterians as an evident
OToof of the justice of their cause.
120 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Altho' out-goings did confirm *
Aud owning were but a mere term ;
Yet as llie wicked have no right
To th' creature, t tho' usurp'd by might, loio
The property is in the saint.
From whom th' injuriously detain't ;
Of him they hold their luxuries,
Their dogs, their horses, whores, and dice,
Their riots, revels, masks, delights, ioi5
Pimps, buffoons, fiddlers, parasites ;
All which the saints have title to,
Aud ought t' enjoy, if th' had their due.
What we take from them is no more
Than what was ours by right before ; loao
For we are their true landlords still.
And they our tenants but at will.
At this the Knight bega.n to rouse,
And by degrees grow valorous :
He star'd about, and seeing none i025
Of all his foes remain but one,
He suatch'd his weapon that lay near him,
And from the ground began to rear him,
Vowing to make Crowdero pay
For all the rest that ran away. i030
But Ralpho now in colder blood,
His fury mildly thus withstood :
Great Sir, quoth he, your mighty spirit
Is rais'd too high ; this slave does merit
To be the hangman's bus'ness, sooner 1035
Than from your hand to have the honour
Of his destruction ; I that am
So much below in deed and name.
Did scorn to hurt his forfeit carcase,
Or ill entreat his fiddle or case : 1040
Will you, great Sir, that glory blot
In cold blood, which you gain'd in hot?
Will you employ your conquering sword
To break a fiddle, and your v.'ord?
_For tho' I fought and overcame, 1045
And quarter gave, 'twas in your name :
For great commanders always own
What's prosp'rous by the soldier done.
* In some edition's we remi, — did not confirm.
t It was a principle maintained by the Independents of those
days, that dominion was founded in grace ; and, therefore, if a
man were not a saint, or a godly man, he cculd have no light to
nny lands or chattels.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 121
To save, where you have pow'r to kill,
Argues your pow'r above your will ; io50
And that your will and pow'r have less
Than both might have of selfishness.
This pow'r which now alive, with dread
He trembles at, if he were dead,
Would no more keep the slave in awe, 1055
rh£ui if you were a knight of straw ;
For death would then be his conqueror,
Not you, and free him from that terror.
If danger from his life accrue,
Or honour from his death to you, 1060
'Twere policy, and honour too.
To do as you resolv'd to do:
But, Sir, 'tvvou'd wrong your valour much,
To say it needs, or fears a crutch.
Great conqu'rors greater glory gain 1065
By foes in triumph led, than slain :
The laurels that adorn their brows
Are puU'd from living, not dead boughs,
And living foes ; the greatest fame
Of cripple slain can be but lame : IO70
One half of him's already slain,*
The other is not worth your pain ;
Th' honour can but on one side light,
As worship did, when y'were dubb'd Knight.t
Wnerefore I think it better far IO75
To keep him prisoner of war ;
And let him fast in bonds abide.
At court of justice to be try'd :
Where, if h' appear so bold or crafty.
There may be danger in his safety ;t joso
* This reminds me of the supplication of a lame musician in
the Anthology, p. 5, ed. H. Steph.
HtlKTV yiH TidvrjKC, TO 5')5^io-u \tfib; IXiyxiL,
Xdadii ft« (iaatXzv, jxudiKdv fi^irovov.
t The honor of knighthood is conferred by the king's laying
his sword upon the person's shoulder, and saying, " Arise,
Sir ."
t Cromwell's speech in the case of Lord Capel may serve to
explain this line : he began with high encomiums of his merit,
capacity, and honor ; but when every one expected that he
would have voted to save his life, he told them that the question
before them was, whether they would preserve the greatest and
most dangerous enemy that the cause had 7 that he knew my
Lo»d Capel well, and knew him so firmly attached to the royal
interest, that he would never desert it, or acquiesce under any
establishment contrary to it. — Clarendon.
6
122 HUDIBRAS. TPart j
If any member there dislike
His face, or to his beard have pike ;*
Or if his death will save, or yield
Revenge or fright, it is reveal'd :
Tho' he has quarter, ne'ertheless joss
Y' have pow'r to hang him when you please ;
This has been often done by some
Of our great conqu'rors, you know whom ;
And has by most of us been held
Wise justice, and to some reveal'd : i090
For words and promises, that yoke
The conqueror, are quickly broke ;
Like Sampson's cuffs, tho' by his own
Direction and advice put on.
For if we should fight for the cause i095
By rules of military laws,
And only do what they call just,
The cause would quickly fall to dust.
This we among ourselves may speak ;
But to the wicked or the weak noo
We must be cautious to declare
Perfection-truths, such as these are.t
* Doubtless, particular instances are here alluded to. It is
notorious tliat tlie lords and others were condemned or pardoned,
as their personal interests prevailed more or less in the house.
A whimsical instance of mercy was the pardon indulged to Sir
John Owen, a Welsh gentleman, who being tried, together with
the lords Capel, Holland, Loughborough, and others ; Ireton,
rather to insult the nobility than from any principle of compas-
sion, observed that much endeavor had been used to preserve
each of the lords, but here was a poor commoner, whom no one
had spoke for ; he therefore moved that he might be pardoned
by the mere grace of the house. Sir John was a man of humor-
ous intrepidity ; when he, with the lords, was condemned to bo
beheaded, he made his judges a low bow, and gave his humble
thanks ; at which a by-stander, surprised, asked him what he
meant 1 To which the knight, with a broad oath, replied, that,
" It was a great honor to a poor gentleman of Wales to lose
" his head with such noble lords, for, in truth, he was afraid they
" would have hanged him." See Clarendon, Rushworth, White-
locke, and Pennant's Tour to Wales, in 1773, page 2t>4. The
parliament was charged with setting aside the articles of capitu-
lation agreed to by its generals, and killing prisoners after quarter
had been granted them, on pretence of a revelation that such a
one ought to die. See also the case of the surrender of Pen-
dennis castle.
t Truths revealed only to the perfect, or the initiated into the
higher mysteries.
idiylofiai, ot; ^ijiii iariv, Ixas, tKas lerre 6i6ri\oi.
[A line made up from the Fragments of Orpheus and the Hynin
to Apollo of Callimachus.j
Canto u.] IIUDIBRAS. 123
This said, the high outrageous mettle
Of Knight began to cool and settle.
He lik'd the Squire's advice and soon il05
Resolv'd to see the bus'ness done ;
And therefore charg'd him first to bind
Crowdero's hands on rump beliind,
And to its former place, and use,
The wooden member to reduce ; IJIO
But force it take an oath before,
Ne'er to bear arms against him more.*
Ralpho dispatch'd with speedy hasto,
And having ty'd Crowdero fast.
He gave Sir Knight the end of cord, liis
To lead the captive of his sword
In triumph, while the steeds he caught.
And them to further service brought.
The Squire, hi state, rode on before.
And on his nut-brown whiniard bore 1120
The trophy-fiddle and the case,
Plac'd on his shoulder like a mace.
The Knight himself did after ride.
Leading Crowdero by his side ;
And tow'd him, if he lagg'd behind, 1125
Like boat against the tide and wind.
Thus grave and solemn they march on.
Until quite thro' the town they'd gone ;
At further end of which there stands
An ancient castle, that commandst 1130
Th' adjacent parts : in all the fabrick
You shall not see one stone nor a brick,
But all of wood, by pow'rful spell
Of magic made impregnable :
There's neither iron bar nor gate, 1135
Portcullis, chain, nor bolt, nor grate ,
And yet men durance there abide.
In dungeon scarce three inches wide ;
Cromwell held, that the rules of justice were binding in or-
dinary cases, but in extraordinary ones might be dispensed with.
See Burnet. Clarendon hath a similar observation ; or Sir H.
Vane — that he was above ordinances.
* The poet making the wooden leg take an oath not to serve
again against his captor, is a ridicule on those who obliged their
prisoners to take an oath to that purpose. The prisoners taken
at Brentford were thus sworn, but Dr. Downing and Mr. Mar-
shall absolved them from this oath, and they immediately served
again in the parliament army.
t The stocks are here pictured as an enchanted castle, with
infinite wit and humor, and in the true spirit of burlesque poetry
124 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
With roof so low, that under it
They never stand, but lie or sit; 1140
And yet so foul, that whoso is in,
Is to the middle-leg in prison ;
In circle magical confin'd.
With walls of subtle air and wind,
Which none are able to break thorough, 1145
Until they're freed by head of borough.
Thither arriv'd, the advent'rous Knight
And bold Squire from their steeds ahght
At th' outward wall, near which there stands
A Bastile, built t'imprison hands;* ]150
By strange enchantment made to fetter
The lesser parts, and free the greater :
For tho' the body may creep through.
The hands in great are fast enow :
And when a circle 'bout the wrist 1155
Is made by beadle exorcist.
The body feels the spur and switch,
As if 't were ridden post by witch,
At twenty miles an hour pace.
And yet ne'er stirs out of the place. iieo
On top of this there is a spire.
On which Sir Knight first bids the Squire
The fiddle, and its spoils, the case,t
In manner of a trophy, place.
That done they ope the trap-door gate, ii65
And let Crowdero down thereat.
Crowdero making doleful face,
Like hermit poor in pensive place,t
To dungeon they the wretch commit.
And the survivor of his feet ; 1170
But th' other, that had broke the peace,
And head of knighthood, they release,
Tho' a delinquent false and forged.
Yet b'ing a stranger he's enlarged ;§
* A description of the whippingpost,
t Suppose we read,
His spoils, the fiddle and the case.
X This was the beginning of a love-song, in great vogue about
the year 1650.
^ Dr. Grey supposes, very justly, that this may allude to the
CJse of Sir Bernard Gascoign, who was condemned at Colchester
with Sir Charles Lucas and Sir George Lisle, but respited from
execution on account of his being an Italian, and a person of
some interest in his own country. See Lord Clarendon's His-
tory, vol. iii., p. 137.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 125
While his comrade, that did no hurt, 1175
Is clapp'd up fast in prison for't :
So justice, wliile she winks at crimes.
Stumbles on innocence sometimes.*
* Dat veniam corvis, vexat censura columbas.
Juv. ii., 1. 63
The plays and poems of this date commonly ended with a
moral rdflectioa
PART I. CANTO III.
THE ARGUMENT.*
The scatter'd rout return and rally,
Surround the place ; the Knight does sally,
And is made pris'ner : then they seize
Th' enchanted fort by storm, release
Crowdero, and put the Squire in's place ;
I should have first said Hudibras.
* The Author follows the example of Spenser, and the Italian
poets, in the division of his work into parts and cantos. Spenser
contents himself with a short title to each division, as "The
Legend of Temperance," and the like. Butler more fully ac-
quaints his readers what they are to expect, by an argument in
the same style with the poem ; and frequently convinces them,
that he knew how to enliven so dry a thing as a summary.
Neither Virgil, Ovid, nor Statius wrote arguments in verse to
their respective poems; but critics and grammarians have taken
the pains to do it for thetiv
HUDIBEAS.
CANTO III.
Ay me ! what perils do environ
The man that meddles with cold iron !*
What plaguy mischiefs and mishaps
Do dog him still with after claps !
For tho' dame Fortune seem to smile,t S
And leer upon him for a while,
She'll after shew him, in the nick
Of all his glories, a dog-trick.
This any man may sing or say
I' th' ditty call'd, What if a day ?t 10
For Hudibras, who thought he 'ad won
The field as certain as a gun,
* A parody on the verses in Sjjenser's Fairy Queen :
Ay me, how many perils do enfold
The virtuous man to make him daily fall.
These two lines are become a kind of proverbial expression,
partly owing to the moral reflection, and partly to the jingle of
the double rhyme : they are applied sometimes to a man mor-
tally wounded with a, sword, and sometimes to a lady who pricks
her finger with a needle. Butler, in his MS. Common-place
Book, on this passage, observes : " Cold iron in Greenland burns
as grievously as hot." Some editions read, " Ah me," from the
Belgic or Teutonic.
t Oij [lev 6lS(j)aiv, oi; 5' a<patpctTai tvxi-
To Trjs TVxVi '■01 fJtCraQoXd; TToXXa; exit
Hi notKiXov irpSyix^ is'l Kat nXdvov rixi-
Brunck. Gnom. Poet. p. 242.
Fortuna saevo la^ta negotio, et
Ludum insolentem ludere pertinax,
Transmutat incertos honores,
Nunc mihi, nunc alii benigna.
Hor. Carm. lib. iii. 29, 1. 49
% An old ballad, which begins :
What if a day, or a month, or a year
Crown thy delights.
With a thousand wish't contentings !
Cannot the chance of a night or an hour,
Cross thy delights,
With as manv sad tormentincs 7
128 HUDIBRAS, [Part i.
And having routed the whole troop,
'\^Jith victory was cock-a-hoop ;*
Thinking he 'ad done enough to purchase 15
Thanksgiving-day among the churches,
Wherein his mettle and hrave worth
Might be explain'd by holder-forth.
And register'd by fame eternal,
In deathless pages of diurnal ;t 20
Found in few minutes, to his cost,
He did but count without his host ;
And tiiat a turn-stile is more certain
Than, in events of war. Dame Fortune.
For now the late faint-hearted rout, 33
O'erthrown and scatter'd round about,
Chas'd by the horror of their fear,
From bloody fray of Knight and Bear,
All but the dogs, who, in pursuit
Of the Knight's victory, stood to't, M
And most ignobly sought to get
The honour of his blood and sweat,t
Seeing the coast was free and clear
O' the conquer'd and the conqueror,
Took heart again, and fac'd about, 35
As if they meant to stand it out :
For now the half defeated bear,
Attack'd by th' enemy i' th' rear.
Finding their number grew too great
For him to make a safe retreat, 40
Like a bold chieftain fac'd about ;
But wisely doubting to hold out,
Gave way to fortune and with haste
Fac'd the proud foe, and fled, and fac'd.
Retiring still, until he found 4i
H' ad got the advantage of the ground ;
And then as valiantly made head
To check the foe, and forthwith fled.
* This crowing or rejoicing. Cock-on-hoop signifies extrava
gance: the cock drawn out of a barrel, and laid upon the hoop,
while the liquor runs to waste, is a proper emblem of inconsid
erate conduct.
t The gazettes or newspapers, on the side of the parliament,
were published daily, and called Diurnals. See Cleveland's
character of a diurnal-maker.
i An allusion to the complaint of the Presbyterian comman-
ders against the Independents, when the self-denying ordinance
had brought in these and excluded the others. Both Butler and
Milton complain of not receiving satisfaction and reward fof
their labor and expenses. This looks as if our poet had an alter
gorical view in some of his characters and passages.
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 129
Leaving no art untry'd, nor trick
Of warrior stout and politic, 50
Until, in spite of hot pursuit.
He gain'd a pass, to iiold dispite
On better terms, and stop the course
Of the proud foe. With all his force
He bravely charg'd, and for a while 55
Forc'd their whole body to recoil ;
But still their numbers so increas'd,
He found himself at length oppress'd,
And all evasions so uncertain
To save himself for better fortune, 60
That he resolv'd, rather than yield,
To die with honour in the field.
And sell his hide and carcase at
A price as high and desperate
As e'er he could. This resolution 65
He forthwith put iu execution,
And bravely threw himself among
Th' enemy i' th' greatest throng ;
But what could single valour do
Against so numerous a foe ? 70
Yet much he did, indeed too much
To be believ'd, where th' odds were such ;
But one against a multitude,
^ Is more than mortal can make good :
For while one party he oppos'd 75
His rear was suddenly enclos'd.
And no room left him for retreat.
Or fight against a foe so great.
For now the mastives, charging home,
To blows and handy-gripes were come ; 80
While manfully himself he bore.
And, setting his right foot before,
He rais'd himself to show how tall
His person was above them all.
This equal shame and envy stirr'd 85
In th' enemy, that one should beard
So many warriors, and so stout, •
As he had done, and stav'd it out,
Disdaining to lay down his arms.
And yield on honourable terms. 90
Enraged thus some in the rear
Attack'd him, and some every where,*
• Thus Spenser in his Fairy Queen :
Like dastard curs, that having at a bay
The savage beask einboss'd in weary chase
*6*
130 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Till down he fell ; yet falling fought,
And, being down still laid about ;
As Widdrington, in doleful dumps, 95
Is said to fight upon his stumps.*
But all, alas ! had been in vain,
And he inevitably slain,
If Trulla and Cerdon, in the nick,
To rescue him had not been quick : 100
For Trulla, who was light of foot,
As shafts which long-field Parthians shoot,t
But not so light as to be home
Upon the ears of standing com,t:
Dare not adventure on the stubborn prey,
Ne bite before, but rome from place to place
To get a snatch, when turned is his face.
• In the famous song of Chevy-chase :
For Witherington needs must I wail.
As one in doleful dumps,
For when his legs were smitten of
He fought upon his stumps.
The battle of Chevy-chase, or Otterbourne, on the borders of
Scotland, was fought on St. Oswald's day, August 5, 1388, be-
tween the families of Percy and Douglas — the song was proba-
bly wrote much after that time, though long before 1588, as
Hearne supposes. — The sense of the stanza is, I, as one in dole-
ful dumps (deep concern) must lament Witherington.
In the old copy of the ballad, the lines run thus :
For Wetharryngton my harte was wo
That ever he slayne shulde be
For when both his leggis weare hewyne in to
He knyled and fought upon his kne.
t Bishop Warburton offers an amendment here, which im-
proves the sense, viz. longfiled, or drawn up in long ranks. But
as all the editions read long-field, I was unwilling to alter it.
Perhaps the poet may be justified in the use of this epithet, from
the account which Trogus gives of the Parthians. He says,
" they were banished, and vagabond Scythians ; their name, in
" the Scythian language, signifying banished. They settled in
"the deserts near Hyrcania; and spread themselves over vast
"open fields and wide champaigns — 'imraensaac profunda cam-
" ' porum.' They are continually on horseback : They fight,
" consult, and transact all their business on horseback." Justin,
lib. xli.'
[Bishop Warburton and Mr. Nash are wide a-field of their
mark here. Long--field is a terra of archery, and a long-fielder is
still a hero at a cricket match.]
X Alluding to Camilla, whose speed is hyperbolically described
by Virgil, at the end of the seventh Mne\A :
Ilia vel intacts segetis per summa volaret
Gramina, nee teneras cursu Isesisset aristas:
Vel mare per medium fluctu suspensa tumenti.
Ferret iter, celeres nee tingeret equore plantas.
Cerro ui.] HUDIBRAS. 131
Or trip it o'er tne water quicker 105
Than witches, when theu- staves they liquor,»
As some report, was got among
The foremost of the martial throng ;
Where pitying the vanquish'd bear.
She called to Cerdon, who stood near, 110
Viewing the bloody fight ; to whom,
Shall we, quoth she, stand still hum-drum,
And see stout bruin, all alone,
By numbers basely overthrown ?
Sucli feats already he'as atchiev'd, r5
In story not to be believ'd,
And 'twould to us be shame enough,
Not to attempt to fetch him off.
I would, quoth he, venture a limb
To second thee, and rescue him : 120
But then we must about it straight,
Or else our aid will come too late :
Quarter he scorns, he is so stout.
And therefore cannot long hold out.
This said, they wav'd their weapons round 125
About their heads, to clear the ground ;
And joining forces, laid about
So fiercely, that th' amazed rout
Turn'd tail again, and straight begun.
As if the devil drove, to run. 130
Meanwhile th' approach'd th' place where bruin
Was now engag'd to mortal ruin :
The conqu'ring foe they soon assail'd ;
First Trulla stav'd and Cerdon tail'djt
Until their mastives loos'd their hold: 135
And yet, alas ! do what they could.
The worsted bear came off with store
Of bloody wounds, but all before :
For as Achilles, dipt in pond,
Was anabaptiz'd free from wound, 140
Made proof against dead-doing steel
All over, but the pagan heel ;t
So did our champion's arms defend
All of him but the other end,
* Witches are said to ride upon broomsticks, and to liquor, or
grease them, tiiat they may go faster.
t Trulla put her staff between the dogs and the bear, in order
to part them ; and Cerdon drew the dogs away by their tails.
X This is the true spirit of burlesque ; as the anabaptists, by
their dipping, were made free from sin, so was Achilles by the
same operation performed by his mother Thetis, rendered free
from wounds.
132 HUDIBRAS, [Part i
His head and ears, which in the martial 143
Encounter lost a leathern parcel ;
For as an Austrian archduke once
Had one ear, which in ducatoons
Is iialf the coin, in battle par'd
Close to his head,* so bruin far'd ; 150
But tugg'd and pull'd on th' other side,
Like scriv'ner newly crucify'd ;t
Or like tlie late-corrected leathern
Ears of the circumcised brethren.^
But gentle TruUa into th' ring 155
He wore in's nose convey'd a string,
With which she march'd before, and led
The warrior to a grassy bed.
As authors write, in a cool shade,
* Albert, arthduke of Austria, brother to the emperor Rcdolph
the Second, had one of his ears grazed by a spear, when he had
taken off his helmet, and was endeavoring to rally his soldiers,
in an engagement with Prince Maurice of Nassau, ann. 1598
We read, in an ancient song, of a differeta duke of that family :
Richard Coeur de Lion erst king of this land.
He the lion gored with his naked hand ;
The false duke of Austria nothing did he fear.
But his son he kill'd with a box on the ear
Besides his famous acts done in the holy land.
A ducatoon is the half of a ducat. Before the invention of
milling, coins were frequently cut into parts : thus, there were
quarier-ducats, and two-thirds of a ducat.
t In those days lawyers or scriveners, if guilty of dishonest
practices, were sentenced to lose their ears. In modern limes
they seldom are so punished.
t Prynne, Bastwick, and Burton, stood in the pillory, and had
their ears cut off, by order of the Star-Charnber, in 1637, for
writing seditious libels. They were banished into remole parts
of the kingdom; but recalled by the parliament in 1640. At
their return the populace showed them every respect. They
were met, near London, by ten thousand persons, who carried
boughs and flowers. The members of the Star-chamber, con-
cerned in punishing them, were lined in the sum of 4000/. for
each.
Prynne was a noted lawyer. He had been once pilloried be-
fore; and now lost the remainder of his ears: though, in IrJtd
Strafford's Letters, it is said they were sewed on again, f.nd
grew as well as ever. His publication was a pamphlet entitled,
News from Ipswich. See Epistle of Hudibras toSidrophel, 1. 13.
Baatwick was a physician. He wrote a pamphlet, in elegant
Latin, called Flagellum Episcoporum. He was the author, too,
of a silly litany, full of abuse.
Burton, minister of St. Matthew's, in Friday-street, London,
preached a sermon, Nov. 5, entitled, God and the king. This he
printed ; and, being questioned about it, he defended it, enlarged,
and dedicated it to the king himself. After his discharge, ha
preached and printed" another sermon, entitled, The Protestation
protested.
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS 133
"Which eglantine and roses made : 160
Close by a softly murm'ring stream,
Where lovers used to loll and dream :*
There leaving him to his repose,
Secured from pursuit of foes,
And wanting nothing but a song,t 16P
And a well-tun'd theorbo hung
Upon a bough, to ease the pain
His tugg'd ears sufFer'd, with a strain.l
They both drew up, to march in quest
Of his great leader, and the rest. 170
For Orsin, who was more renown'd
For stout maintaining of his ground
In standing fights, than for pursuit,
As being not so quick of foot,§
Was not long able to keep pace .75
With others that pursu'd the chase.
But found himself left far behind,
Both out of heart and out of wind ;
Griev'd to behold his bear pursu'd
So basely by a multitude, 180
And like to fall, not by the prowess,
But numbers, of his coward foes.
He rag'd, and kept as heavy a coil as
Stout Kercules for loss of Hylas ;
Forcing the vallies to repeat 185
The accents of his sad regret :|1
* Et fotum gremio Dea tollit in altos
Idalise lucos, ubi mollis amaracus ilium
Kloribus, et dulci aspirans aniplectitur umbra.
Virgil, iEneid i. 692.
And Johannes Secundus, Eleg. Cum Venus Ascanium.
Mr. Butler frequently gives us specimens of poetical imagery,
which lead us to believe that he might have ranked with the
first class of elegant writers.
t This is a banter upon some of the romance writers of those
days.
i In Grey's edition it is thus pointed :
His tugg'd ears suffer'd; with a strain
They both drew up —
But I should rather suppose the poet meant a well-tnned
theorbo, to ease the pain with a strain, that is, with music and a
Bong.
^ Thus Ajax is described by Homer :
Qii&' 3v 'A;^tXA^r ^ij^^jropi X'^P^^f'^'"-,
•Ey y' aiiTos'adit]' voal 6' o^'Kuii iariv ipt^ttv.
II. xiii. 334.
II Hercules, when he bewails the loss of Hylas :
Volat ordine nuUo
Cnncta petens ; nunc ad ripas, dejectaque saxis
134 HUDIBRAS [Part i
Ho beat his breast, and tore his hair,
For loss of his dear crony bear ;
Fliimina ; nunc notas nemorum procurrit ad umbras :
Rursiis Hyhm, et rursus Hylan per longa reclaraat
Avia : responsant siiviE, et vaga certat imago.
Val. Flac. Argon, iii. 593.
Tpiy liiv YXav aicnv '6aov 6a6vs ^pvys Xai/id;,
Tpif 6' ap' 6 TToii vixaKovatV dpaiS. 6' iKiTO ip(*vi
'E^ idaTos. Theocritiis, dyl. xiii. 58.
Echoes have frequently been employed by the poets. Mr.
Butler ridicules this false kind of wit, and produces answers
which are sufficiently whimsical. The learned Erasmus com-
posed a dialogue upon this subject: his Echo seems to have
been an extraordinary linguist; for she answers the person,
with whom she converses, in Latin, Greek, and Hebrew.
"The conceit of making Echo talk sensibly," says Mr. Addison,
Spectator, No. 59, " and give rational answers, if it could be
" excusable in any writer, would be so in Ovid, where he intro-
" duces Echo as a nymph, before she was worn away into
" nothing but a voice. The passage relating her conversation
with Narcissus is very ingenious :
Forte puer, comitum seductus ab agmine fido,
Dixerat, Ecquis adest ■? el Adest, responderat Echo.
Hie stupet: utquo aciem partes divisit in omnes ;
Voce, Veni, clamat magna. Vocat ilia vocantem.
Respicit : et nullo rursus veniente, Q.uid, inquil,
Me fugis? et totidem, quot dixit, verba recepit
Perstat ; et alternae deceptus imagine vocis
Hue coeamus, ait ; nullique libentius unquam
Responsura sono, Coeamus, retulit Echo.
Metamorph. iii. 379.
A friend of mine, who boasted much of his park and gardens
in Ireland, among other curiosities mentioned an extraordinary
Echo, that would return answers to any thing which was said.
Of what kind 7 — inquired a gentleman present. Why, says he,
if I call out loud. How do you do, Coaner'? the Echo immediately
answers. Very well, thank you, sir.
Stout Hercules for loss of Hylas ; — Euripides, in his An-
dromeda, a tragedy now lost, had a scene of this kind, which
Aristophanes makes sport with in his Feast of Ceres.
In the Anthologia, lib. iii. 6, is an epigram of Leonidas, and
in the 4th book are six lines l)y Guaradas. See Brunck's Ana-
lecta, vol. ii.
a Ajfoj <pl\a fioi avyKaTalveaSv tL — ^ ri;
a 'EpiS KophKas' a 6e fi ov <pi\u. — (i <pi\ei.
a TJpa^ai & & Kaipof Katpuv ov (pcpei — /? <pipu.
a Ti) roivvv air^ Xi^ov (is ipfl. — fi ipd.
a Kac iriVrii/ oirij Kepudraiv tv 6d;. — j3 TU S6s'
a Ax'i, Ti XoiTiuv, 3 TTddit Tlixitv, — /3 tvxciv.
Echo ! I love, advise me somewhat : — What 1
Does Cloe's heart incline to love 1 — To love, &c.
Martial ridicules the Latin authors of his time for this false
wit, and promises that none shall be found in his writings.
The early French poets have fallen into this puerility. Joachim
de Bellay has an Echo of this kind, a few lines of which I will
nnscribe :
Canto ui.] HUDIBRA&. 135
That Echo, from the hollow ground,
His doleful wailings did resound 190
More wistfully, by many times,
Than in small poets' splay-foot rhymes
That make her, in their ruthful stories,
To answer to int'rogatories.
And most unconscionably depose 195
To things of which she nothing knows ;
And when she has said all she can say,
'Tis wrested to the lover's fancy.
Quoth he, O whither, wicked Bruin,
Art thou fled to my — Echo, ruin. 200
I thought th' hadst scorn'd to budge a step.
For fear. Quoth Echo, Marry guep.*
Am not I h6re to take thy part ?
Then what has quail'd thy stubborn heart .'t
Have these bones rattled, and this head 205
So often in thy quarrel bled ?
Nor did I ever wince or grudge it,
For thy dear sake. Quoth she. Mum hudget.X
Think'st thou 'twill not be laid i' th' dish§
Thou turu'dst thy back 1 Quoth Echo, Pish. 210
To run from those th' hadst overcome
Thus cowardly ? Quoth Echo, Mum.
But what a-vengeance makes thee fly
From me too, as thine enemy ?
Or, if thou hast no thought of me, 215
Nor what I have endur'd for thee,
Yet shame and honour might prevail
Oui est I'auteur de ces maux avenus ? — Venus.
Qu'etois-je avant d'entrer en ce passage ? — Sage.
Qu'est-ce qu'aimer et se plaindre soiiveni 1 — Vent.
Dis-moi quelle est celle pour qui j'cndure ?— Dure.
Sent-elle bien la douleur qui me point 1 — Point.
* A sort of imprecation of Mary come up, praying the Virgin
Mary to help; thougii some derive it otherwise. See Bishop
Percy's Reliques of Ancient Poetry, and v. 16 of the Wanton
Wife of Bath.
t Quail, to cause to shrink, or faint ; from A. S. cwealm, mors,
cwellan, occidere. A qualm, deliquium animi, brevier mors.
The word is frequently used in ancient songs and ballads.
X A term denoting silence.
[I come to her in white, and cry mum ; and she cries budget;
and by that we know one another. — Merry Wives, Act v. sc. 2.]
$ [To lay in one's dish, to object a thing to a person, to make
it an accusation against him.
Last night you lay it, madam, in our dish.
How that a maid of ours (whom me must check)
Had broke your b tches leg.
Sir John Harr. Epigr. 1. 37.]
136 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
To keep thee thus from turning tail :
For who would grutch to spend his blood iu
His honour's cause ? Quoth slie, a Puddin. 220
This said, his grief to anger turn'd,
Which in his manly stomach bum'd ;
Thirst of revenge, and wrath, in place
Of sorrow, now began to blaze.
He vow'd the authors of his A^oe 335
Should equal vengeance undergo ;
And with their bones and flesh pay dear
For what he sufFer'd and his bear.
This b'ing resolv'd, with equal speed
And rage, he hasted to proceed S30
To action straight, and giving o'er
To search for bruin any more,
He went in quest of Hudibras,
To find him out, where'er he was ;
And if he were above ground, vow'd 335
He'd ferret him, lurk where he wou'd.
But scarce had he a furlong on
This resolute adventure gone,
When he encounter'd with that crew
Whom Hudibras did late subdue. 240
Honour, revenge, contempt, and shame,
Did equally their breasts inflame.
'Mong these the fierce Magnano was,
And Talgol, foe to Hudibras :
Cerdon and Colon, warriors stout, 345
And resolute, as ever fought ;
Whom furious Orsin thus bespoke :
Shall we, quoth he, thus basely brook
The vile affront that paltry ass,
And feeble scoundrel, Hudibras, 256
With that more paltry ragamuffin,
Ralpho, with vaporing aud huffing,
Have put upon us, like tame cattle,
As if th' had routed us in battle 1
For my part it shall ne'er be said 255
I for the washing gave my head :*
* That is, behaved cowardly, or surrendered at discretion :
jeering obliquely perhaps at the anabaptistical notions of Ralpho.
— Hoolter, or Vowler, in his description of Exeter, written aaout
1584, speaking of the parson of St. Thomas, who was hsnged
during the siege, says, " he was a stout man, who woulc* not
" give his head for the polling, nor his beard for the wash-'ng."
Grey gives an apt quotation from Cupid's Revenge, by Beaumont
and Fletcher, Act iv.
l»t Citizen It holds, he dies this morning.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS 137
Nor did I turn my back for fear
Of them, but losing of my bear,
Which now I'm like to undergo ;
For whether these fell wounds, or no, 260
He has receiv'd in fight, are mortal,
Is more than all my skill can foretel ;
Nor do I know what is become
Of him, more than the Pope of Rome.*
But if I can but find them out 265
That caus'd it, as I shall no doubt.
Where'er th' in hugger-mugger lurk,t
I'll make them rue their handiwork,
And wish that they had rather dar'd
To pull the devil by the beard.t 270
Quoth Cerdon, noble Orsin, th' hast
Great reason to do as thou say'st,
And so has ev'ry body here.
As well as thou hast, or thy bear:
Others may do as they see good ; 275
But if this twig be made of wood
That will hold tack, I'll make the fur
Fly 'bout the ears of that old cur.
And th' otlier mongrel vermin, Ralph,
That brav'd us all in his behalf. 280
Thy bear is safe, and out of peril,
Tho' lugg'd indeed, and wounded very ill ;
Myself and Trulla made a shift
To help him out at a dead lift ;
And having brought him bravely off, 285
Have left him where he's safe enough :
There let him rest ; for if we stay,
The slaves may hap to get away.
This said, they all engag'd to join
Their forces in the same design, 290
And forthwith put themselves, iu search
Of Hudibras, upon their march :
Where leave we them awhile, to tell
What the victorious knight befell ;
2d Citizen. Then )iappy man be his fortune.
]st Citizen. And so am I and forty more good fellows, that
will not give their heads for the washing.
* This common saying is a sneer at the Pope's infallibility.
t [In secrecy or concealment.
and we have done but greenly
In hvgger-miigger to inter him. Hamlet, iv. 5.]
% A proverbial expression used for any bold or daring enter-
prise : so we say. To talie a lion by the beard. The Spaniards
deemed it an unpardonable affront to be pulled by the beard.
138 • HUDIBRAS. f Parti.
For such, Crowdero being fast 295
In dungeon shut, we left him last.
Triumphant laurels seem'd to grow
Nowhere so green as on his brow ;
Laden with which, as well as tir'd
With conqu'ring toil, he now retir'd 300
Unto a neighb'ring castle by.
To rest his body, and apply
Fit med'cines to each glorious bruise
He'd got in fight, reds, blacks, and blues ;
To mollify th' uneasy pang 302
Of ev'ry honourable bang.
Which b'ing by skilful midwife drest,
He laid him down to take his rest.
But all in vain : he 'ad got a hurt
O' th' inside, of a deadlier sort, 310
By Cupid made, who took his stand
Upon a widow's jointure-land,*
For he, in all his am'rous battles,
No 'dvantage finds like goods and chattels,
Drew home his bow, and aiming right, 315
Let fly an arrow at the Knight ;
The shaft against a rib did glance,
And galfd him in the purtenance ;t
But time had somewhat 'swag'd his pain,
After he had found his suit in vain : 320
For that proud dame, for whom his soul
Was burnt in's belly like a coal.
That belly that so oft' did ake,
And suffer griping for her sake.
Till purging comfits, and ant's eggst 325
Had almost brought him off his legs, —
* Stable-stand is a term of the forest laws, and signifies a
place under some convenient cover, where a deer-stealer fixes
himself, and keeps watch for the purpose of killing deer as they
pass by. From the place it came also to be applied to the per-
son ; and any man taken in the forest in that situation, with a
gun or bow, was presumed to be an offender, and had the nanie
of a Stable-stand. From a note by Hanmer on Shakspoare's
Winter's Tale, Act ii. sc. 1. The widow is supposed to have
been Mrs. Tomson, who had a jointure of 200i. a year.
t A ludicrous name for the knight's heart : taken, probably,
from a calf's or lamb's head and purtenance, as it is vulgarly
called, instead of appurtenance, which, among other entrails,
contains the heart.
i Ants' eggs were supposed, by some, to be great antidotes to
love passions.* I cannot divine what are the medical qualities
• Varum equijem miror fonnicanim hac in parte potentiam, quum quatuor
tanlum ia ;isiu siunplas, omnem Veneris, ac coeuncli potentiam auferre tradit
Bruafelsiuti.
Camto in.l HUDIBRAS. 139
Us'd him so like a base rascallion,
That old Pyg — what d' y' call him — vialion,
That cut his mistress out of stone,*
Had not so hard a hearted one. 330
She had a thousand jadish tricks,
Worse than a mule that flings and kicks ;
'Mong which one cross-graiu'd freak she had.
As insolent as strange and mad ;
She could love none but only such 335
As scoru'd and hated her sis much.t
'Twas a strange riddle of a lady ;
Not love, if any lov'd her : ha-day !t
of them. Palladius, de re rustica. 29. 2, directs ants' egps to be
given to young pheasants. — Plutarch, ii. 928, and ii. 974, says
that bears, when they are siclc, cure themselves by swallowing
ants.- Frosted caraway seeds (common sugar plums) are not
unlike ants' eggs.
* Pygmalion, as the mythologists say, fell in love with a
statue of his own carving ; and Venus, to gratify him, tamed it
into a living woman.
The truth of the story is supposed to be, that he had a very
beautiful wife, whose skin far surpassed the whiteness of ivory.
Or it may mean, to show the painter's or statuary's vanity, and
extreme fondness of his own performance. See Fr. Junius, in
Catalog. Architect. Pictor. Statuarior. &c., pp. 188, 163. Stone.,
instead of ivory, that the widow's hard heart, v. 330, might be
the nearer resembled : so brazen, for stone, in Pope's description
of Gibber's brothers in the Dunciad, i. 32, that the resemblance
between him and them might be the stronger. So in our poet a
goose, instead of some more considerable fowl, is described with
talons, only because Hudibras was to be compared to a fowl
with such : but making a goose have talons, and Hudibras like
a goose, to which wise animal he had before compared a jus-
tice, P. j. c. i. v. 75, heightens the ridicule. See P. i. c. iii. v.
525.
If the reader loves a punning epitaph, let him peruse the fol-
lowing, on a youth who died for love of Molly Stone :
MoUe fuit saxum, saxum, O ! si Molle fuisset,
Non foret hie subter, sed super esset ei.
t Such a capricious kind of love is described by Horace :
Satires, book i. ii. 105.
Leporem venator ut alta
In nive sectatur, posilum sic tangere nolit :
Cantat et apponit : meus est amor huic similis ; nam
Transvolat in medio posita, et fugientia captat.
Nearly a translation of the eleventh epigram of CallimachnSi
which ends,
Xhluoi epii)S TOtdiSs' Ta i^ev tpt'vyoiTa SiuiKtiv
oiie, Ta 6' iv ^fWtjJ Kdjitva TTapirtTaTai.
t In the edition of 1678 it is Hey-day, but either may stand,
as they both signify a mark of admiration. See Skinner and
Junius.
140 HUDIBRAS. [Part ».
So cowards never use their might,
But against such as will not fight. 340
So some diseases have been foimd
Only to seize upon the sound.*
He that gets her by heart, must say her
Tlie baclv-way, like a witcli's prayer.
Meanwhile the Knight had no small task 34S
To compass what he durst not ask :
Ho loves, but dares not make the motion ;
» Her ignorance is his devotion :t
Like caitiff vile, that for misdeed
Rides with his face to rump of steed ;X 350
Or rowing scull he's fam to love,
Look one way, and another move ;
Or like a tumbler that does play
His game, and looks another way,§
Until he seize upon the coney ; 355
Just so does he by matrimony,
But all in vain : her subtle snout
Did quickly wind his meaning out ;
Which she return'd with too much scorn
To be by man of honour born ; 360
* It is common for horses, as well as men, to be afflicted
" with sciatica, or rlieumatism, to a great degree for weeks to-
" gether, and when they once get clear of the fit," as we term
it, " have perhaps never heard any more of it while they lived :
" for these distempers, with some others, called salutary' distem-
"pers, seldom or never seize upon an unsound body." See
Bracken's Farriery Improved, ii. 46. The meaning, then, from
V. 338, is this : As the widow loved none that were disposed to
love her, so cowards fight with none that are disposed to fight
with them : so some diseases seize upon none that are already
distempered, and in appearance proper subjects for them, but
upon those only who, through the firmness of their constitution,
seem least disposed for such attacks.
t That is, her ignorance of his love makes him adore and
pursue her with greater ardor: but the poet here means to ban-
ter the papists, who deny to the common people the use of the
bible or prayer-book in the vulgar tongue: hence they are
charged with asserting, that ignorance is the mother of devo-
tion.
t Dr. Grey supposes this may allude to five members of the
army, who, on the 6th of March, 1048, were forced to undergo
this punishment, for petitioning the Rump for relief of the op-
pressed commonwealth.
$ A sort of dog, that rolls himself in a heap, and tumbles over,
disguising his shape and motion, till he is within reach of his
game. This dog is called by the Latins Vertagus. See Caius
de canibus Britannicis, and Martial, lib. xiv. Epig. 200.
Non sibi, sed domino venatur vertagus acer,
IlljBsum leporem qui tibi dente feret.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 141
Yet much he bore, until the distress
He sufFer'd from his spightful mistress
Did stir his stomach, and the pain
He had endur'd from her disdain
Turn'd to regret so resolute, 3C5
That he resolv'd to wave his suit,
And either to renounce her quite.
Or for a while play least in sight.
This resolution b'ing put on.
He kept some months, and more had done, 370
But being brought so nigh by fate,
The vict'ry he achiev'd so late
Did set his thoughts agog, and ope
A door to discontinu'd hope,*
That seem'd to promise he might win 375
His dame too, now his hand was in ;
And that his valour, and the honour
He 'ad newly gain'd, might work upon her :
These reasons made his mouth to water,
With am'rous longings, to be at her. 380
Thought he unto himself, who knows
But this brave conquest o'er my foes
May reach her heart, and make that stoop,
As I but now have forc'd the troop ?
If nothing can oppugne love,t 383
And virtue invious ways can prove, t
What may not he confide to do
That brings both love and virtue too ?
But thou bring'st valour too, and wit,
Two things that seldom fail to hit. 390
Valour's a mouse-trap, wit a gin.
Which women oft' are taken in :§
Then, Hudibras, why should'st thou fear
To be, that art a conqueror ?
Fortune the audacious doth juvare, 395
But let's the timidousJI miscarry :
Then, while the honor thou hast got
Is spick and span new, piping hot,
* One of the canting phrases used by the sectaries,
t Read oppugn6, to make three syllables.
J Virtus, recludens immerilis mori
Coelum, negata tenlat iter via.
Horat. Carm. lib. lii. 2.
$ We often see women captivated by a red coat, or a copy of
verses.
II ^udaicous, and timidous, two words from audax and timid
us ; the hero being in a latinizing humor.
142 HUDIBRAS [Part ».
Strike her up bravely thou hadst best,
And trust thy fortune with the rest. 400
Such thoughts as these the Knight did keep
More than his bangs, or fleas, from sleep ;
And as an owl, that in a barn
Sees a mouse creeping in the corn.
Sits still, and shuts his round blue eyes, 403
As if he slept, until he spies
The little beast within his reach,
Then starts and seizes on the wretch ;
So from his couch the Knight did start,
To seize upon the widow's heart ; 410
Crying, with hasty tone and hoarse,
Ralpho, dispatch, to horse, to horse !
And 'twas but time ; for now the rout,
We left engag'd to seek him out.
By speedy marches were advanc'd 415
Up to the fort where he ensconc'd,*
And had the avenues all possest
About the place from east to west.
That done, awhile they made a halt.
To view the ground, and where t' assault ; 420
Then call'd a council, which was best,
By siege, or onslaught, to investt
The enemy ; and 'twas agreed
By storm and onslaught to proceed.
This being resolv'd, in comely sort 425
They now drew up t' attack the fort ;
When Hudibras, about to enter
Upon anothergates adventure,!
To Ralpho call'd aloud to arm,
Not dreaming of approaching storm. 430
Whether dame fortune, or the care
Of angel bad, or tutelar.
Did arm, or thrust him on a danger.
To which he was an utter stranger,
That foresight might, or might not, blot 435
The glory he had newly got ;
Or to his shame it might be said.
They took him napping in his bed :
* An army is said to be ensconced, when it is fortified o» de
fended by a small fort or sconce.
t Onslaught, that is, a coup de main, a sudden storming, of
Kttack.
t See Sanderson, p. 47, third sermon ad clerum. "If we bo
" of the spirituality, there should be in us anothergates maiii-
''fostation of the spirit."
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 143
To them we leave it to expound,
That deal in sciences profound. 440
His courser scarce he had bestrid,
And Ralpho that on which he rid,
When setting ope the postern gate,
To take the tield and sally at,
The foe appear'd, drawn up and drill'd,* 445
Ready to charge them in the field.
This somewhat startled the bold Knight,
Surpris'd with th' unexpected sight :
The bruises of his bones and flesh
He thought began to smart afresh ; 450
Till recollecting wonted courage.
His fear was soon converted to rage,
And thus he spoke : The coward foe,
Whom we but now gave quarter to.
Look, yonder's rally'd, and appears 455
As if they had outrun their fears ;
The glory we did lately get.
The Fates command us to repeat ;t
And to their wills we must succumb,
Quocunque trahunt, 'tis our doom. 460
This is the same numeric crew
Which we so lately did subdue ;
The self-same individuals that
Did run, as mice do from a cat,
When we courageously did wield 465
Our martial weapons in the field,
To tug for victory : and when
We shall our shining blades agen
Brandish in terror o'er our heads,t
They'll straight resume their wonted dreads. 470
Fear is an ague, that forsakes
And haunts, by fits, those whom it takes ;
And they'll opine they feel the pain
And blows they felt to-day, again.
Then let us boldly charge them home, 475
And make no doubt to overcome.
* To drill, is to exercise and teach the military discipline.
t This is exactly in the style of victorious leaders. Thus
Hannibal encouraged his men : " These are the same Romans
*' whom you have beaten so often." And Octavius addressed
his soldiers at Actium : " It is the same Antony whom yon once
" drove out of the field before Mutina : Be, as you have beeut
'conquerors."
X aTivaaamv ipdayavov d^v. Homer
114 HUDIBRAS. r^ART L
This said, his courage to inflame,
He call'd upon his mistress' name,*
Jlis pistol next he cock'd anew,
And out his nut-brown whinyard drew ;t 480
And placing Ralpho in the front,t
Reserv'd himself to bear the brunt,
As expert warriors use ; then ply'd,
With iron heel, his courser's side,
Conveying sympathetic speed 485
From heel of knight to heel of steed.
Meanwhile the foe, with equal rage
And speed, advancing to engage.
Both parties now were drawn so close,
Almost to come to handy-blows: 490
When Orsin first let fly a stone
At Ralpho ; not so huge a one
As that which Diomed did maul
JEneas on the bum withal ;§
Yet big enough, if rightly huri'd, 495
T' have sent him to another world.
Whether above ground, or below.
Which saints, twice dipt, are destin'd to.|l
* Cervantes, upon almost every occasion, makes Quixote in-
voke his Dulcinea. Mr. Jarvis, in his life of Cervantes, ob-
serves, from the old collection of Spanish laws, that they hold it
a noble thing to call upon the name of their mistresses, that
their hearts may swell with an increase of courage, and their
shame be the greater if they fail in their attempt.
t This word whinyard signifies a sword. Sliinner derives it
from the Saxon winnan, to win or acquire honor; but, as it is
chiefly used in contempt, Johnson derives it from whin, furze;
so whinniard, the short scythe or instrimient with which coun
try people cut whins.
i Like Thraso in Terence. Eunuchus, iv. 7, who says, " Ego
ero post principia."
*S b Se ■}(tpjid&iov XdSfi xcipi
Tvicliri;, fiiya cpyov, 3 oi 6io y' avipt (pipatcv,
O7oi vvv BpoToi ila' 6 bi fiiv "pea -rrdXXe Kal oloi.
Tu 6d\cv Alveiao /car' iax^°^> ^v&a re iiepdi
^ Iliad. V. 302.
And Juvenal :
nee hunc lapidem, quali se Tumiis, et Ajax ;
Vel quo Tydides percussit pondere coxam
^neae ; sed quern valeant emittere dextrae
lUis dissimiles, et nostro tempore natae.
Sat. sv. 65.
II The anabaptists thought they obtained a higher degree of
taintship by being rebaptized.
:anto III.] HUDIBRAS. 145
The danger startled the bold Squire,
And made him some few steps retire ; 500
But Hudibras advaiic'd to's aid,
And rous'd his spirits half dismay'd ;
He wisely doubting lest the shot
O' th' enemy, now growing hot, ,
Might at a distance gall, press'd close, 505
To come, pell-mell, to handy blowa,
And that he might their aim decline,
Advanc'd still in an oblique line ;
But prudently forbore to fire.
Till lareast to breast he had got nigher ;* 514
As expert warriors use to do.
When hand to hand they charge then- foe.
This order the advent'rous Knight,
Most soldier-like, observ'd in fight.
When Fortune, as she's wont, tum'd fickle, 515
And for the foe began to stickle.
The more shame for her Goodyship ♦
To give so near a friend the slip.
For Colon, choosing out a stone,
Levell'd so right, it thump'd upon 520
His manly paunch, with such a force,
As almost beat him off his horse.
He loos'd his whinyard, and the rein,
But laying fast hold on the mane.
Preserved his seat : and, as a goose 525
In death contracts his talons close.
So did the knight, and with one claw
The trigger of his pistol draw.
The gun went off; and as it was
Still fatal to stout Hudibras, 530
In all his feats of arms, when least
He dreamt of it, to prosper best.
So now he far'd : the shot let fly,
At random, 'mong the enemy,
Pierc'd Talgol's gaberdine.t and grazing 535
Upon his shoulder, ia the passing
Lodg'd in Magnano's brass habergeon,t
* Oliver Cromwell ordered his soldiers to reserve their fire
till they were near enough the enemy to be sure of doing exe-
cution.
t An old French word for a smock frock, or co.irse coat.
t Habergeon, a diminutive of the French word hauberg, a
breastplate ; and derived from [the German] hals, collum, and
bergen seu pergen, tegere. See Chaucer. Here it signifies the
tinker's budget.
7
146 HUDIBRAS. [Part
Who straight, A surgeon cry'd — a surgeon !
He tumbled down, and, as he fell.
Did murder ! murder ! murder ! yell.* 54C
This startled their whole body so.
That if the Knight had not let go
His arms, but been in warlike plight,
H' had won, the second time, the fight ;
As, if the Squire had but fall'n on, 545
He had inevitably done :
But he, diverted with the care
Of Hudibras his wound, forbare
To press th' advantage of his fortune.
While danger did the rest dishearten. 550
For he with Cerdon b'ing engag'd
In close encounter, they both wag'd
The fight so well, 'twas hard to say
Which side was like to get the day.
And now the busy work of death 555
Mad tir'd them so they 'greed to breathe,
Preparing to renew the fight,
When th' hard disaster of the knight,
And th' other party, did divert
And force their sullen rage to part. 560
Ralpho press'd up to Hudibras,
And Cerdon where Magnano was.
Each striving to confirm his party
With stout encouragements and hearty.
Quoth Ralpho, Courage, valiant Sir, 565
And let revenge and honour stir
Your spirits up ; once more fall on.
The shatter'd foe begins to run :
For if but half s.o well you knew
To use your vict'ry as subdue,t 570
■ They durst not, after such a blow
As you have giv'n them, face us now ;
* To howl or use a lamentable cry, from the Greek, IdXtnc;
or ^XoXti^u, ejulo, a mournful song used at funerals, and prac
tised to this day in some parts of Ireland, and the highlands of
Scotland.
t This perhaps has some reference to Prince Rupert, who was
generally successful at his first onset, but lost his advantage by
too long a pursuit. Echard, vol. ii. p. 480. The same is said of
Hannibal, Floras, lib. ii. cap. 6. Dubium deinde non erat, qnin
ultinium ilium diem habitura fuerit Roma quintumque intra
diem epulari Annibal in capitoliopotuerit, si (quodPoenuni ilium
dixisse Adherbalem Bomilcaris ferunt) Annibal guemadmodum
tciret vincere, sic uti victorinscisset. Caesar said the same ol
Pompey. Sueton. in Vita.
Canto iu.] HUDIBRAS. 147
But from so formidable a soldier,
Had fled like crows when they smell powder.
Thrice have they seen your sword aloft 575
Wav'd o'er their heads, and fled as oft :
But if you let them recollect
Their spirits, now dismay'd and check'd,
You'll have a harder game to play
Than yet y' have had, to get the day. 5fe0
Thus spoke the stout Squire ; but was heard
By Hudibras with small regard.
His thoughts were fuller of the bang
He lately took, than Ralph's harangue ;
To which he answer'd, Cruel fate 585
Tells me thy counsel comes too late,
The clotted blood within my hose,*
That from my wounded body flows,
With mortal crisis doth portend
My days to appropinquet an end. 590
I am for action now unfit,
. Either of fortitude or wit ;
Fortune, my foe, begins to frown,
Resolv'd to pull my stomach down.
I am not apt, upon a wound, 595
Or trivial basting, to dispoud ;
Yet I'd be loath my days to curtail ;
For if I thought my wounds not mortal,
Or that w' had time enough as yet
To make an honourable retreat, COO
'Twere the best course ; but if they find
We fly, and leave our arms behind
For them to seize on, the dishonour.
And danger too, is such, I'll sooner
Stand to it boldly, and take quarter, 605
To let them see I am no starter.
In all the trade of war no feat
Is nobler than a brave retreat :
For those that run away, and fly.
Take place at least o' th' enemy. 010
This said, the Squire, with active speed.
Dismounted from his bonyt steed
To seize the arms, which by mischance
Fell from the bold Knight in a trance.
* In some editions — the knotted Mood.
t One of the knight's hard words, signifying to approach, or
draw near to.
t In some editions it is bonvy, but I prefer the reading of 1C78.
148 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
These*being found out, and restor'd SIS
To Hudibras, their natural lord,
The active Squire, with might and main,
Prepar'd in haste to mount again.
Thrice he assay'd to mount aloft ;
But by his weighty bum, as oft 62C
He was pull'd back ; 'till having found
Th' advantage of the rising ground,
Thither he led his warlike steed.
And having plac'd him right, with speed
Prepar'd again to scale the beast, 623
When Orsin, who had newly drest
The bloody scar upon the shoulder
Of Talgol, with Promethean powder,*
And now was searching for the shot
That laid Magnano on the spot, 630
Behind the sturdy Squire aforesaid
Preparing to climb up his horse-side ;
He left his cure, and laying hold
Upon his arms, with courage bold
Cry'd out, 'Tis now no time to dally, 635
The enemy begin to rally :
Let us that are unhurt and whole
Fall on, and happy man he's dole.t
This said, like to a thunderbolt,
He flew with fury to th' assault, 640
Striving the enemy to attack
Before he reach'd his horse's back.
Ralpho was mounted now, and gotten
O'erthwart his beast with active vaulting,
Wriggling his body to recover 645
His seat, and cast his right leg over ;
When Orsin, rushing in, bestow'd
On horse and man so heavy a load.
The beast was startled, and begun
* See canto ii. v. 225. — In a long enumeralion of his several
beneficent inventions, Prometheus, in jEschylus, boasts espe-
cially of his coniniunicating to mankind the knowledge of medi-
cines.
eStt^a Kpdacii flKiij)v aKtHjidTtav
ali ras aitdaai i^a/ivviavTai v6(TV{.
.iEsch. Pronieth. vinct. v. 491, ed. Blomf.
t See Shakspeare, Taming the Shrew, Act i. sc. 1, and Win
ter's Tale, Act i. sc. 2.
Dole, from daelan, to distribute, signifies the shares formerly
given at funerals and other occasions. May happiness be his
share or lot. May the lot of the happy man be his. As we say
of a person at the point of death, God rest his soul.
l,ANTO III.] HUDIBRAS. 149
To kick and fling like mad, and run, 650
Bearing tlie tough Squire, like a sack,
Or etout king Richard, on his back ;*
'Till stumbling, he threw him down,t
Sore bruis'd, and cast into a swoon.
Meanwhile the Knight began to rouse C55
The sparkles of his wonted prowess ;
He thrust his hand into his hose,
And found, both by his eyes and nose,
'Twas only choler, and not blood,
That from his wounded body flow'd.f 660
This, with the hazard of the Squire,
Enflam'd him with despightfiil ire ;
Courageously he fac'd about.
And drew his other pistol out,
And now had half-way bent the cock, 665
When Cerdon gave so fierce a shock,
With sturdy truncheon, 'thwart his arm,
That down it fell, and did no harm :
Then stoutly pressing on with speed,
Assay'd to pull him off his steed, 670
The knight his sword had only left.
With which he Cerdon's head had cleft,
Or at the least crept off a limb.
But Orsin came and rescu'd him.
He with his lance attack'd the Knight 675
Upon his quarters opposite.
But as a bark, that in foul weather,
Toss'd by two adverse winds together.
Is bruis'd and beaten to and fro,
And knows not which to turn him to : 680
So far'd the Knight between two foes.
And knew not which of them t' oppose ;
'Till Orsin charging with his lance
At Hudibras, by spightful chance
Hit Cerdon such a bang, as stunn'd 685
And laid him flat upon the ground.
At this the Knight began to cheer up.
* After the battle of Bosworth-field, the body of Richard III
was stripped, and in an ignominious manner laid across a
horse's back lilie a slaughtered deer ; his head and arms hang-
ing on one side, and his legs on the other, besmeared with blood
and dirt.
t We must here read stumlilcing, to make three syllables, as
in verse 770 Iighte7iing, so in 875 read sarcasmes ; or, perhaps,
we may read stumbeling, sarcasems, &c.
t The delicate reader will easily guess what is here intended
by the word choler.
150 HUDIBRAS. 1 Part i
And raising up himself on stirrup,
Cry'd out, Victoria ! lie thou there,*
And I shall straight dispatch another, 69C
To bear thee company in death :t
But first I'll halt awhile, and breathe.
As well he might : for Orsin griev'd
At th' wound that Cerdon had receiv'd.
Ran to relieve him with his lore, 695
And cure the hurt he made before.
Meanwhile the Knight had wheel'd about,
To breathe himself, and next find out
Th' advantage of the ground, where best
He might tho ruffled foe infest. 700
This being resolv'd, he spurr'd his steed,
To run at Orsin with full speed.
While he was busy in the care
Of Cerdon 's wound, and unaware :
But he was quick, and had already 705
Unto the part apply'd remedy ;
And seeing th' enemy prepar'd,
Drew up, and stood upon his guard :
Then, like a warrior, right expert
And skilful in the martial art, 710
The subtle Knight straight made a halt,
And judg'd it best to stay th' assault,
Until he had reliev'd the Squire,
And then, in order, to retire ;
Or, as occasion should invite, 715
With forces join'd renew the fight.
Ralpho, by this time disentranc'd,
TTpon his bum himself advanc'd.
Though sorely bruis'd ; his limbs all o'er,
With ruthless bangs were stiff and sore ; 720
Right fain he would have got upon
His feet again, to get him gone ;
When Hudibras to aid him came.
Quoth he, and call'd him by his name.
Courage, the day at length is ours, 725
And we once more as conquerors, •
Have both the field and honour won,
The foe is profligate, and run ;
* Thus Virgil and Homer :
Hesperian! metire jacens. JEn. xii. 360.
Istic nunc, metuende, jace. jEn. x. 557.
'EiTaufloi vvv Kiiao. II. $. 122.
t This is a banter upon some of the speeches in Homex.
Canto iu.] HUDIBRAS. 151
I mear all such as can, for some
This lyand hath sent to their long home ; 730
And some lie sprawling on the ground,
With many a gash and bloody wound.
Caesar himself could never say.
He got two vict'ries in a day,
As I have done, that can say, twice I, 735
In one day, veni, vidi, vici.*
The foe's so numerous, that we
Cannot so often vineere,t
And they perire, and yet enow
Be left to strike an after-blow. 740
Then, lest they rally, and once more
Put us to fight the bus'ness o'er.
Get up and mount thy steed ; dispatch,
And let us both their motions watch.
Quoth Ralph, I should not, if I were 745
In case for action, now be here ;
Nor have I turn'd my back, or hang'd
An arse, for fear of being bang'd.
It was for you I got these harms,
Advent'ring to fetch off your arms. 750
The blows and drubs I have receiv'd
Have bruised my body, and bereav'd
My limbs of strength : unless you stoop,
And reach your hand to pull me up,
I shall lie here, and be a prey 755
To those who now are run away.
That thou shalt not, quoth Hudibras :
We read, the ancients held it was
More honourable far servare
Civem, than slay an adversary ; 760
The one we oft' to-day have done.
The other shall dispatch anon :
And tho' th'art of a dilF'rent church,
I will not leave thee iu the luich.t
This said, he jogg'd his good steed nigher, 765
* The favorite terms by which Csesar described his victory
over Pharnaces. In his consequent triumph at Eome, these
words, (translated thus Into English, I came, I saw, I overcame,)
were painted on a tablet and carried before him. See Plutarch's
Life of Julius Cssar.
t A great general, being informed that his enemies were very
numerous, replied, then there are enough to be killed, enough
to be taken prisoners, and enough to run away.
t This is a sneer at the Independents, who, when they had
gotten possession of the government, deserted their old allies,
Ihe Presbyterians, and treated them with great hauteur '
152 HUDIBRAa. [Part i.
And steer'd him gently toward the Squire ;
Then bowing down his body, stretch'd
His hand out, and at a Ralpho reacli'd ;
"When Trulla, whom he did not mind,
Charg'd him hke lightning behind. 770
She had been long in search about
Magnano's wound, to find it out ;
But could find none, nor where the shot
That had so startled him was got •
But having found the worst was past, 775
She fell to her own work at last.
The pillage of the prisoners,
Which in all feats of arms was hers :
And now to plunder Ralph she flew,
When Hudibras his hard fate drew - " 780
To succour him ; for, as he bow'd
To help him up, she laid a load
Of blows so heavy, and plac'd so well,
On til' other side, that down he fell.
Yield, scoundrel base, quoth she, or die, 785
Thy life is mine, and liberty :
But if thou think'st I took thee tardy.
And dar'st presume to be so hardy,
To try thy fortune o'er afresh,
I'll wave my title to thy flesh, 'J90
Thy arms and baggage, now my right :
And if thou hast the heart to try't,
I'll lend thee back thyself awhile,*
And once more, for that carcase vile,
Fight upon tick. — Quoth Hudibras, 795
Thou offer'st nobly, valiant lass,
And I shall take thee at thy word.
First let me rise, and take my sword ;
That sword, which has so oft this day
Through squadrons of my foes made way, 800
And some to other worlds dispatch'd,
Now with a feeble spinster match'd.
Will blush with blood ignoble stain'd.
By which no honour's to be gain'd.t
* Charles XIT., king of Sweden, having taken a town from
the dnke of Saxony, then king of Poland, the dnke intimated
that there must have been treachery in the case. On which
Charles offered to restore the town, replace the garrison, and
then tiike it by storm.
X Nullum memorabile nnmen
Foeminea in poena est, nee habot victoria laudem.
Virg. iEneid. ii. 584.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 153
But if thou'It take m' advice in this, 805
Consider, while thou may'st, what 'tis
To intenupt a victor's course,
B' opposing such a trivial force.
For if with conquest I come off,
And that I shall do sure enough, Bit
Quarter thou canst not have, uor gracOi
By law of anns, in such a case ;
Both which I now do offer freely.
I scorn, quoth she, thou coxcomb silly.
Clapping her hand upon her breech, 815
To shew how much she priz'd his speech,
Quarter or counsel from a foe :
If thou canst force me to it, do.
But lest it should again be said.
When I have once more won thy head, 820
I took thee napping, unprepar'd,
Arm, and betake thee to thy guard.
This said, she to her tackle fell,
And on the Knight let fall a peal
Of blows so fierce, and prest so home, 825
That he retir'd, and follow'd's bum.
Stand to't, quoth she, or yield to mercy.
It is not fighting arsie-versie*
Shall serve thy turn. — This stirr'd his spleen
More than the danger he was in, 830
The blows he felt, or was to feel.
Although th' already made him reel.
Honour, despight, revenge, and shame,
At once into his stomach came ;
Which fir'd it so, he rais'd his arm 835
Above his head, and rain'd a storm
Of blows so terrible and thick,
As if he meant to hash her quick.
But she upon her truncheon took them.
And by oblique diversion broke them ; 840
, Waiting an opportunity
To pay all back with usiuy.
Which long she fail'd not of ; for now
The Knight, with one dead-doing blow,
Resolving to decide the fight, 845
And she v/ith quick and cunning slight
* That is, iiTTepov TrpCrepov, wronj; end foremost, bottom up-
ward: but it originally signified averte ignem, Tuscorum lingua,
Arse averte, verse ignem constat appellari: unde, Afranius ait,
inscribat aliquis in ostio arse verse. S. Pompeius Festus de
verborum significatione, p. 18.
154 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Avoiding it, the force and weight
He charg'd upon it was so great,
As almost sway'd him to the ground ;
No sooner she th' advantage found, 850
But in she flew ; and seconding.
With home-made thrust, the heavy swing,
She laid him flat upon his side.
And mounting on his trunk astride,
Quoth she, I told thee what would come 355
Of all thy vapouring, base scum.
Say, will the law of arms allow •
I inay have grace, and quarter now ?
Or wilt thou rather break thy word,
And stain thine honour, than thy sword ? 8G0
A man of war to damn his soul.
In basely breaking his parole.
And when before the fight, th'hadst vowed
To give no quarter in cold blood ;
Now thou hast got me for a Tartar,* 865
To make m' against my will take quarter ;
* The Tartars had much rather die in battle than take quarter.
Hence the proverb, Thou hast caught a Tartar. — A man catches
a Tartar when he falls into his own trap, or having a design
upon another, is caught himself.
Help, help, cries one, I have caught a Tartar. Bring him
along, answers his comrade. He will not come, says he. Then
come without him, quoth the other. But he will not let me,
says the Tartar-catcher. I have somewhere read the following
Unes:
Seres inter nationemque Tartaram
Flagrabat bellum, fortiter vero praslians
Ter ipse manu propria Tartarum occupans.
Extemplo exclamat — Tartarum prehendi manu ;
Venial ad me. Dux inquit exercitus,
At se venire velle Tartarus negat:
At tecum ducas illico — sed non vult sequi,
Tu solus venias — Vellem, sed non me sinit.
Plautus has an expression not much unlike this, — potitus est
hostium, to signify he was taken prisoner. — Mr. Peck, see New
Memoirs of Milton's Life, p. 237, explains it in a ditFerent man-
ner. " Bajazet," says he, " was taken prisoner by Tamerlane,
"who, when he first saw him, generously asked, 'Now, sir, if
" ' you had taken me prisoner, as I have you, tell me, I pray,
" ' what you would have done with me V ' If I had taken you
"'prisoner,' said the foolish Turk, 'I would have thrust you
" ' under the table when I did eat, to gather up the crumbs with
" ' the dogs ; when I rode out, I would have made your neck a
"'horsing-block; and when I travelled, you also should have
"' been carried along with me in an iron cage, for every fool to
' hoot and shout at.' ' 1 thought to have used you better,' said
the gallant Tamerlane ; ' but since you intended to have served
• ' me thus, you have' {caught a Tartar, for hence I reckon came
^ that proverb) 'justly pronounced yotir doom.' "
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 155
Why dost not put me to the sword,
But cowardly fly from thy word ?
Quoth Hudibras, The day's thine own ;
Thou and thy stars have cast me down: 87b
My laurels are transplanted now,
And flourish on thy conqu'ring brow :
My loss of honour's great enough,
Thou needst not brand it with a scofi":
Sarcasms may eclipse thine own, 875
But cannot blur my lost renown :
I am not now in fortune's power.
He that is down can fall no lower.*
The ancient heroes were illustr'ous
For being benign, and not blust'rous 880
Against a vanquish'd foe : their swords
Were sharp and trenchant, not their words ;
And did in fight but cut work out
T' employ their courtesies about.t
Quoth she, Altho' thou hast deserv'd, 885
Base Slubberdegullion,1: to be serv'd
As thou didst vow to deal with me.
If thou hadst got the victory ;
Yet I should rather act a part
That suits my fame, than thy desert. 890
Thy arms, thy liberty, beside
All that's on th' outside of thy hide,
Are mine by military law,^
Of which I will not bate one straw ;
The rest thy life and limbs, once more, 895
Though doubly forfeit, I restore.
* Qui decumbit humi, non habet unde cadat.
T See Cleveland, p. ]44, in his letter to the Protector. "The
" most renowned heroes have ever with such tenderness cher-
" ished their captives, that their swords did but cut out work for
" their courtesies." Tlius Ovid :
Q.UO quis enim major, niagis est placabilis iroe
Et faciles niotus mens generosa capit.
And again the same :
Corpora magnanimo satis est prostrasse leoni
Pugna suum finem, cum jacet hostis, habet.
Ovid. Trist. lib. iii.
t That is, a drivelling fool : to slubber, or slabber, in Uritish,
is to drivel ; in the Teutonic, it signifies to slip or slide, and so
metaphorically to do a thing ill or faultily, or negligently; and
gul, or gullion, the diminutive, a fool, or person easily imposed
upon.
^ In public duels all horses, pieces of broken armor, or other
furniture that fell to the ground, after the combatants entered
the lists, were the feeti of the marshal.
156 HUDIBRAS, [Part x
Quoth Hudibras, It is too late
For me to treat or stipulate ;
What thou command'st I must obey ;
Yet those whom I expugn'd to-day, 901
Of thine own party, I let go,
And gave them hfe and freedom too.
Both dogs and bear, upon tiieir parol.
Whom I took pris'ners m this quarrel.
Quoth TruUa, Whether thou or they 905
Let one another run away,
Concerns not me ; but was't not thou
That gave Crowdero quarter too ?
Crowdero, whom in irons bound.
Thou basely threw'st into Lob's pound,* 91tf
Where still he lies, and with regret
His generous bowels rage and fret :
But now thy carcase shall redeem,
And serve to be exchang'd for him.
Tliis said, the Knight did straight submit, 915
And laid his weapons at her feet :
Next he disrob'd his gaberdine,
And with it did himself resign.
She took it, and forthwith divesting
The mantle that she wore, said, jesting, 920
Take that, and wear it for my sake ;
Then threw it oVr his sturdy back :
And as the French, we conquer'd once,
Now give us laws for pantaloons.
The length of breeches, and the gathers, 925
Port-cannons, perriwigs, and feathers,t
* A v\ilgar expression for any place of confinement, particu-
larly the stocks. — Dr. Grey mentions a story of Mr. Lob, a
preacher among the dissenters. When their meetings were
prohibited, he contrived a trap-door in his pulpit, which led,
through many darl< windings, into a cellar. His adversaries
once pursued him into these recesses, and, groping about, said
one to another, that they were got into Lob's pound.
This gentleman, or one of the same name and callinsr, is men-
tioned by Mr. Prior, in his epistle to Fleetwood Shephardi
esquire :
po at pure barn of loud non-con,
Where with my granam I have gone,
When Lobb had sifted all his te.xt,
And I well hop'd the pudding next,
"Now to apply," has plaga'd me more
Thau all his villain cant before.
[Wassinger has the phrase, fDuke of Milan, A iii. sc. %) but
not in the sense of a place of, at least permanent, confinement.]
t <lur successful battles in France have always been men-
tioned with pleasure ; and we seem at no time to have been
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 157
Just so the proud, insulting lass
Array "d and dighted Hudibms.*
Meanwhile the other champions, yerstt
In hurry of the fight disperst, 930
Arriv'd, when Trulla'd won the day,
To share in th' honour and the prey,
And out of Hudibras his hide,
With vengeance to bo satisfy'd ;
Which now they were about to pour 935
Upon him in a wooden show'r :
averse to the French fashions. Pantaloons were a kind of
loose breeches, cnnin:ionly made of silk, and puffed, which gov
ered the legs, thighs, and part of the body. They are represent-
ed in some of Vandyke's pictures, and may be seen in the harle-
quin entertainments. Port-cannons, were ornaments about the
knees of the breeches ; they were grown to such e.xcess in
France, that Moliere was thought to have done good service, by
laughing them out of fashion. Mr. Butler, in his Genuine Re-
mains, vol. ii. p. 83, says of the huffing courtier, he walks in his
Porl-cannons like one that stalks in long grass. In his Genuine
Remains, our poet often derides the violent imitation of French
fashions. In the second volume is a satire entirely on this sub-
ject, which was a very proper object of ridicule, as after the
Restoration, not only the politics of the court led to it, but, like-
wise, an earnest desire among the old cavaliers of avoiding the
formal and precise gravity of the times immediately preceding.
In the Pindaric Ode to the memory of Du Val, a poem allowed
to be written by our author:
In France, the staple of new modes,
Where garbs and miens are current goods,
That serves the ruder northern nations,
With methods of address and treat,
Prescribes new garnitures and fashions,
And how to drink, and how to eat,
No out of fashion wine or meat ;
Conform their palates to the mode,
And relish that, and not the food ;
And, rather than transgress the rule,
Eat kitchen-stuff, and stinking fowl ;
For that which we call stinking here,
Is but piquant, and haut-gout, there.
Perriwigs were brought from France about the latter end of
the reign of James the First, but not much in use till after the
Restoration.
At first, they were of an immense size in large flowing curls,
as we see them in eternal buckles in Westminster Abbey, and
on other monuments. Lord Bolingbroke is said to be the first
who tied them up in knots, as the counsellors wore them some
time ago : this was esteemed so great an undress, that when his
lordship first went to court in a wig of this fashion, queen Anne
was offended, and said to those about her, " this man will come
" to me next court-day in his night-cap."
* Dighted, from the Anglo-Saxon word digtan, to dress, fit
out, polish.
t Erst, adverb, superlative degree, i. e. first, from er, before
158 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
But TruUa thrust herself between,
And striding o'er his back ageu,
Sl)e braudish'd o'er her head his sword,
And vow'd they should not break her word ; 940
Sh' had given him quarter, and her blood.
Or theirs, should make that quarter good.
For she was bound, by law of arms,
To see him safe from further harms.
In dungeon deep Crowdero cast 945
By Hudibras, as yet lay fast.
Where to the hard and ruthless stones,*
His great heart made perpetual moans ;
Him she resolv'd that Hudibras
Should ransom, and supply his place. 950
This stopp'd their fury, and the basting
Which toward Hudibras was hasting.
They thought it was but j ust and right.
That what she had achiev'd in fight.
She should dispose of how she pleas'd ; 955
Crowdero ought to be releas'd :
Nor could tiiat any way be done
So well, as this she pitch'd upon :
For who a better could imagine ?
This therefore they resolv'd t' engage in. 960
The Knight and Squire first they made
Rise from the ground where they were laid.
Then mounted both upon their horses,
But with their faces to the arses.
Orsin led Hudibras's beast, 965
And Talgol that which Ralpho prest ;
Whom stout Magnano, valiant Cerdon,
And Colon, waited as a guard on ;
All ush'ring Trulla, in the rear,
With th' arms of either prisoner. 970
In this proud order and array,
They put themselves upon their way.
Striving to reach th' enchanted Castle,
Where stout Crowdero in durance lay still.
Thither with greater speed than shows, 9*5
And triumph over conquer'd foes.
Do use t' allow ; or than the bears.
Or pageants born before lord-mayors,t
* Thus Virgil :
Mor.tibus et silvis studio jactabat inani.
t I believe at the lord-mayor's show, bears were led in proces-
sion, and aftftrwards baited for the diversion of the populace.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 15§
Are wont to use, they soon arriv'd,
In order, soldier-like contriv'd : 980
Still marching in a warlike posture,
As fit for battle, as for muster.
Tje Knight and Squire they first unhorse.
And, bending 'gainst the fort their force,
They all advanc'd, and round about 985
Begirt the magical redoubt.
Magnan' led up in this adventure,
And made way for the rest to enter :
For he was skilful in black art.
No less than he that built the fort,* 990
And with an iron mace laid flat
A breach, which straight all enter'd at,
And in the wooden dungeon found
Crowdero laid upon the ground ;
Him they release from durance base, 995
Restor'd t' his fiddle and his case,
And liberty, his thirsty rage
With luscious vengeance to assuage ;
For he no sooner was at largo,
But Trulla straight brought on the charge, 1000
And in the self-same limbo put
The Knight and Squire, where he was shut ;
Where leaving them i' th' wretched hole,t
Their bangs and durance to condole,
Confin'd and conjur'd into narrow 1005
Enchanted mansion, to know sorrow,
In the same order and array
Which they advanc'd, they march'd away :
But Hudibras, who sconi'd to stoop
To fortune, or be said to droop, 1010
Cheer'd up himself with ends of verse.
And sayings of philosophers.
Quoth he, Th' one half of man, his mind,
Is, sui juris, unconfin'd,t
The procession of the mob to the stocks is compared to three
things : a Roman triumph, a lord-mayor's show, and leading
bears about the streets.
* Magnano is before described as a blacksmith, or tinker. See
Canto ii. 1. 336.
t In the edition of 1704 it is printed ire Hockly hole, meaning,
by a low pun, the place where their hocks or ankles were con-
fined. Hockley Hole, or Hockley i' th' Hole, was the name of a
place resorted to for vulgar diversions.
% Our author here shows his learning, by bantering the stoic
philosophy ; and his wit, by comparing Alexander the Great
with Diogenes.
160 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
And cannot be laid by the heels, 1015
What e'er the other moiety feels.
'Tis not restraint, or liberty,*
That makes men prisoners or free ;
But perturbations that possess
The mind, or equanimities. 1020
The whole world was not half so wide
To Alexander, when he cry'd.
Because he had but one to subdue,t
As was a paltry narrow tub to
Diogenes ; who is not said,t 1025
For aught that ever I could read.
To whine, put finger i' th' eye, and sob,
Because h' had ne'er another tub.
The ancients make two sev'ral kinds
Of prowess in heroic minds, 1030
The active and the passive valiant.
Both which are pari libra gallant ;
For both to give blows, and to carry,
lu fights are equi-uecessary :
But in defeats, the passive stout 1035
Are always found to stand it out
Most desp'rately, and to out-do
The active, 'gainst a conqu'ring foe :
Tho' we with blacks and blues are suggil'd,§
Or, as the vulgar say, are cudgel'd ; 1040
* Guisnam igitur liber 1 sapiens, sibique iniperiosus ;
Quein neque pauperies, neque mors, neque vincula
terrent :
Responsare ciipidinilnis, contemnere honores
Fortis ; et in seipso totus teres atque rotundus,
Externi ne quid valeat per lEeve morari ;
la queiii manca ruit semper fortuna.
Horat. lib. ii. Sat. vii. 83.
KoKd; ietrixus, cbijiaTOi jicv Tvxn, 'f'^X^J ^f KaKla' b fiiv yJp
rb cioixa \cXvixivog, riiv 6i i^v^hv icbtjiivoi, iovXos' b l>^ av ri
adjia itbtjiivos, rriv it xpvx'l" AsXu/ifi'irj, i\cv9cpoi.
Epict. p. 94. ed. Relandi. 1711.
t Unus Pellso juveri non siifficit orbis:
jEstiiat infelix angusto limite mundi
Juven. Sat. x. 168.
X Dolia nudi
Non ardent Cynici: si fregeris, altera fiet
Cras domus, ant eadem pliiinbo comniissa manebit.
Sensit Alexander, testa cum vidit in ilia
Magnum habitatnreni, qiianto felicior hie, qui
Nil cuperet, quam qui totum sibi posceret, orbem,
Passurus geslis aiquanda pericula rebus.
Juven. Sat. xiv. 308.
J From suggillo, to beat black and blue.
Canto ni.] HUDIBRAS. 161
He that is valiant, and dares fight,
Though drubh'd, can lose no honour b/t.
Honour's a lease for lives to coine,
And cannot be extended from
The legal tenant :* 'tis a chattel 1045
Not to be forfeited in battei.t »
If he that in the field is slain,
Be in the bed of honour lain.t
He that is beaten may be said
To lie in honour's truckle-bed.^ 1050
For as we see th' eclipsed sun
By mortals is more gaz'd upon
Than when, adorn'd with all his light.
He shines in serene sky most bright ;
So valour, in a low estate, 1055
Is most admir'd and wonder'd at.
Quoth Ralph, How great I do not know
We may, by being beaten, grow ;
But none that see how here we sit.
Will judge us overgrown with wit. 1060
As gifted brethren, preaching by
A carnal hour-glass,|| do imply
Illumination, can convey
Into them what they have to say.
But not how much ; so well enough 1065
Know you to charge, but not draw off".
For who, without a cap and bauble, IT
Having subdu'd a bear and rabble,
And might with honour have come off,
Would put it to a second proof: lOTO
A politic exploit, right fit
For Presbyterian zeal and wit.**
* Vivit post funera virtus.
t A man cannot be deprived of his honor, or forfeit it to the
conqueror, as he does his arms and accoutrements.
t "The bed of honor," says Farquhar, "is a miglity large
" bed. Ten thousand people may lie in it together, and never
" feel one another."
^ The truckle-bed is a small bed upon wheels, which goes
under the larger one,
II This preaching by the hour gave room for many jokes. A
punning preacher, having talked a full hour, turned his hour-
glass, and said : Come, my friends, let us take the other glass.
The frames for these hour-glasses remained in many churches
till very lately.
^ Who but a fool or child, one who deserves a fool's cap, or a
child's play-thing.
** Raipho, being chagrined by his situation, not only blames
the misconduct of the knight, which had brought them into the
scrape, but sneers at him i it his religious principles. The Iiid«-
162 HUDIBRAS. [Part <
Quoth Hudibras, That cuckoo's toncj
Ralpho thou always harp'st upon ;
When thou at any thing would'st rail, 1075
Thou mak'st presbytery thy scale
To take the height on't, and explain
To what degree it is profane.
What s'ever will not with thy — what d'ye Call
Thy light — ^jump fight, thou call'st synodical. 1080
As if presbytery were a standard
To size what s' over's to be slander'd.
Dost not remember how this day
Thou to my beard wast bold to say,
That thou could'st prove bear-baiting equal 1085
With synods, orthodox and legal?
Do, if thou canst, for I deny't.
And dare thee to't, with all thy light.*
Quoth Ralpho, Truly that is no
Hard matter for a man to do, 1090
That has but any guts in's brains,t
And could believe it worth his pains ;
But since you dare and urge me to it.
You'll find I've light enough to do it.
Synods are mystical bear-gardens, 1095
Where elders, deputies, church-wardens,
And other members of the court.
Manage the Babylonish sport.
For prolocutor, scribe, and bearward,
Do diiFer only in a mere word. 1100
Both are but sev'ral synagogues
Of carna! men, and bears, and dogs :
Both antichristian assemblies,
To mischief bent, as far's in them lies :
Both stave and tail with fierce contests, 1105
The one with men, the other beasts,
The difF'rence is, the one fights with
The tongue, the other with the teeth ;
And that, they bait but bears in this.
In th' other souls and consciences ; 1110
Where saints themselves are brought to stake,!
pendents, at one time, were as inveterate against tlie Presbyte-
rians, as both of them were against the church. For an expla
nation of some following verses, see the note on Canto i. 457.
* The Independents were great pretenders to the light of the
spirit. They supposed that all their actions, as well as their
prayers and preachings, were immediately directed by it.
t A proverbial expression for one who has some share of com-
BK>n sense.
X The Presbyterians, when in power, by means of their synods
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 163
For gospel-light and conscience-sake ;
Expos'd to scribes and presbyters,
Instead of mastiff dogs and curs ;
Than whom th' have less humanity, 1115
For these at souls of men will fly.
This to the prophet did appear,
Who in a vision saw a bear.
Prefiguring the beastly rage
Of church-rule, in this latter age :* : 130
As is demonstrated at full
By him that baited the pope's bull.t
Bears naturally are beasts of prey.
That live by rapine ; so do they.
What are their orders, constitutions, 1125
Church-censures, curses, absolutions,
But sev'ral mystic chains they make,
To tie poor Christians to the stake?
And then set heathen officers.
Instead of dogs, about their ears.t 113C
For to prohibit and dispense,
To find out, or to make offence ;
Of hell and heaven to dispose,
To play with souls at fast and loose : .
To set what characters they please, 1135
And mulcts on sin or godliness ;
Reduce the church to gospel-order.
By rapine, sacrilege, and murder ;
To make presbytery supreme,
And kings themselves submit to them ;§ 1140
assemblies, classes, scrilies, presbyters, triers, orders, censures,
cur>-es, &c., &c., persecuted tlie ministers, both of the Independ-
ents and ot the Church of England, with violence and cruelty
little short of the inquisition. Sir Roger L'Estrange mentions
some strong instances of their persecuting tenets.
* Daniel vii. .5. " And behold another beast, a second, like to
a bear ; and it raised up itself on one side ; and it had three ribs
in the mouth of it, between the teeth of it: and they said thus
nnto it. Arise, devour much flesh."
t The baiting of the pope's bull was the title of a pamphlet
written by Henry Burton, rector of St. Matthew, Friday-street,
and printed at London in 1627.
t Tacitus says of the persecutions under Nero, pereuntibus
addita ludibria, ut ferarum tergis contecti, laniatu canum interi-
rent. Annal. xv. 44.
§ The disciplinarians, in the reign of queen Elizabeth, main-
tained that kings ought to be subject to ecclesiastical censures,
as well as other persons. This doctrine was revived by the
Presbyterians afterwards, and actually put in practice by the
Scots, in their treatment of Charles II. while he continued
among them. The Presbyterians, in the civil war, maintained
164 IIUDIBRAS. [Paut »
And force all people, the' against
Their consciences, to tuna saints ;
Must prove a pretty thriving trade,
When saints monopolists are made :
When pious frauds, and holy shifts, 1143
Are dispensations, and gifts ;
There godliness becomes mere vv^are,
And ev'ry synod but a fair.
Synods are whelps o' th' Inquisition,
A mungrel breed of like pernicion,* 1150
And growing up, became the sires
Of scribes, commissioners, and triers ;t
Whose bus'ness is, by cunning slight,
To cast a figure for men's light ;
To find, in lines of beard and face, 115S
The physiognomy of grace ;|
And by the sound and twang of nose.
If all be sound within disclose,
Free from a crack, or flaw of sinning,
As men try pipkins by the ringing ;§ 1160
that princes must submit their sceptres, and throw down their
crowns before the church, yea, to licli up the dust of the feet
of the church.
* The word pernicion, perhaps, is coined by our author: he
means of lilie destructive eflect, from the Latin pernicies, though
it is used elsewhere.
t The Presbyterians ha,d a set of officers called the triers, who
examined the candidates for orders, and the presentees to bene-
fices, and sifted the qualifications of lay elders. See the preface
to VVallver's Sufferings of the Clergy. As the Presbyterians de-
manded of the Church of England, What command, or example,
have you for kneeling at the communion, for wearing a surplice,
for lord bishops, for a penned liturgy, &c., &c., so the Independ-
ents retorted upon them : Where are your lay elders, your pres-
byters, your classes, your synods, to be found in Scripture ?
where your steeple houses, and your national church, or your
tithes, or your metre psalms, or your two sacraments ? show us
a conuuand or e.xample for them. Dr. Hammond's View of the
Directory.
t The triers pretended great skill in these matters. If they
disliked the face or beard of a man, if he happened to be of a
ruddy complexion, or cheerful countenance, they would reject
him on these accounts. The precise and puritanical faces of
those days may be observed in the prints of the most eminent
dissenters.
The modern reader may be inclined to think the dispute be-
tween the knight and the sr|uire rather too long. But if he
considers that the great object of the poem was to expose to
scorn and contempt those sectaries, and those pretenders to ex-
traordinary sanctity, who had overturned the constitution ij
church and state; and, beside that, such enthusiasts were then
frequently to be met with ; he will not wonder that the author
indulges himself in this fine strain of wit and humor.
$ They judged of man's inward grace by his outward com
Canto iu.] IIUDIBRAS. 165
By black caps, underlaid with white,*
Give certain guess at inward light ;
Which Serjeants at the gospel wear.t
To make the sp'ritual calling clear.
The handkerchief about the neck, 1165
— Canonical cravat of smeck,t
From whom the institution came,
When church and state they set on flamOj
And worn by them as badges then
Of spiritual warfaring-men, — 1170
Judge rightly if regeneration
Be of the newest cutin fashion :
plexion. Dr. Echard says, " If a man had but a little blood in
"his cheelis, his condition was accounted very dangercus, and
"'f was almost an infallible sign of reprobation : and I will as-
' sure you," says he, " a very honest man, of a very sanguine
" complexion, if he chance to come by an officious zealot's
" house, might be put in the stocks only for looking fresh in a
" frosty morning."
pulsa, dignoscere cautus
Quid solidum crepet, at picta; tectoria lingus.
Persius, Sat. v. 24.
Many persons, particularly the Dissenters, in our poet's time,
were fond of wearing black caps lined with white. See the
print of Baxter and others. These caps, however, were not pe-
culiar to the Protestant sectaries, nor always of a black color;
master Drurie, a Jesuit, who, with a hundred of his auditors,
lost his life, October 26, 1623, by the sinking of the garret floor
where he was preaching, is thus described: "When he had
"read (his text) he sat down in the chaire, and put upon hiu
" head a red quilt cap, having a linnen white one under it, turned
"up about the brims, and so undertooke his text." — The doleful
Evensong, by Thomas Good, 4to. This continued a fashion for
many years after.
t The coif, or black worn on the head, is the badge of a Ser-
jeant at law.
t A club or junto, which wrote several books against the king,
consisting of five eminent holders forth, namely : Stephen Mar-
shall, Edmund Calamy, Thomas Young, Matthew Newcomen
and William Spurstow; the initials of their names make the
word Smectymnvvs : and, by way of distinction, they wore hand-
kerchiefs about their necks, which afterwards degenerated into
carnal cravats. Hall, bishop of Exeter, presented an humble
remonstrance to the high court of parliament, in behalf of liturgy
and episcopacy ; which was answered by the junto under this
title, The Original of Liturgy and Episcopacy discussed by
Smectymncus ; John Milton is supposed to have been concerned
in writing it. — For aji account of Thomas Young, see Warton's
notes on Milton. — The five counsellors of Charles II. in the year
1670, Clifford, Arlington, Buckingham, Ashley, Lauderdale, were
called the Cabal, from the initials of their names. — Mr. Mark
Noble, in his Memoirs of the Cromwell Family, says, "When
" Oliver resided at St. Ives, he usually went to church with a
" piece of red flannel about his neck, as he was subject to an in-
'flammation in his throat," p. 105, note.
166 HUDIBRAS. [Part 1
Sure 'tis an orthodox opinion,
That grace is founded in dominion.*
Great piety consists in pride ; 1175
To rule is to be sanctify'd :
To domineer, and to controul.
Both o'er the body and the soul,
Is the most perfect discipline
Of church-rule, and by right divine. 1180
Bell and the Dragon's chaplains were
More moderate than those by far :t
For they, poor knaves, were glad to cheat,
To get their wives and children meat ;
But these will not be fobb'd off so, 1185
They must have wealth and power too ;
Or else, with blood and desolation,
They'll tear it out o' tli' heart o' th' nation.
Sure these themselves from primitive
And heathen priesthood do derive, 1190
When butchers were the only clerks,t
Elders and presbyters of kirks ;
Whoso directory was to kill ;
And some believe it is so still.§
The only diff'rence is, that then 1195
They slaughter'd only beasts, now men.
For them to sacrifice a bullock,
Or, now and then, a child to Moloch,
They count a vile abomination.
But not to slaughter a whole nation. 1200
Presbytery does but translate
The papacy to a free state,
A common-wealth of popery,
Where ev'ry village is a see
As well as Rome, and must maintain 1205
A tithe-pig metropolitan ;
Where ev'ry presbyter, and deacon,
Commands the keys for cheese and bacon ;||
* The Presbyterians had such an esteem for power, that they
thought those who obtained it showed a mark of grace ; and
that those only who had grace were entitled to power.
t The priests, their wives, and children, feasted upon the pro
visions ottered to the idol, and pretended that he had devoured
them. See the Apocrypha.
J Both in the heathen and Jewish sacrifices, the animal was
frequently slain by the priests.
^ A banter on the directory, or form of service drawn up by
the Presbyterians, and substituted for the common prayer.
II Daniel Burgess, dining with a gentlewoman of his congre-
gation, and a large uncut Cheshire cheese being brought to table,
he asked where he should cut it She replied, Where you
Cahto m.] HUDIBRAS. 167
And ev'ry hamlet's governed
By's holiness, the church's head,* 1210
More haughty and severe in's place
Than Gregory and Boniface.t
Such church must, surely, be a monster
With many heads : for if we conster
What in th' Apocalypse we find, 1215
According to th' Apostles' mind,
'Tis that the Whore of Babylon,
With many heads did ride upon ;t
Which heads denote the sinful tribe
Of deacon, priest, lay-elder, scribe. 1220
Lay-elder, Simeon to Levi,§
pwase, Mr. Burgess. Upon which he ordered his servant to carry
f i»his own house, for he would cut it at home.
* The gentlemen of Cheshire sent a remonstrance to the par-
liarwHt, wherein they complained, that, instead of having tweu-
t)'-;^x bishops, they were then governed by a numerous pres-
byterv, amounting, with lay elders and others, to 40,000. This
government, say they, is purely papal, for every minister exer-
cises iwpal jurisdiction. Dr. Grey quotes from Sir John Birken
head revived :
But never look for health nor peace
If once presbytery jade us,
When every priest becomes a pope,
When tinkers and sow-gelders.
May, if they can but 'scape the rope.
Be princes and lay-elders.
t The jVmer was consecrated in the year 1073, the latter
elected in »294. Two most insolent and assuming popes, who
wanted to raise the tiara above all the crowned heads in Chris
tendom. Gregory the Seventh, commonly called Hildebrand,
was the first who arrogated to himself the authority to excom-
municate and depose the emperor. Boniface the Third, was he
who assumed the title of universal bishop. Boniface the Eighth,
at the jubilee instituted by himself, appeared one day in the
habit of a pope, and the next day in that of an emperor. He
caused two swords to be carried before him, to show that he was
invested with all power ecclesiastical and temporal.
t The chtirch of Rome has often been compared to the whore
of Babylon, mentioned in the seventeenth chapter of the Reve-
lation. The beast, which the whore rode upon, is here said to
signify the Presbyterian establishment ; and the seven, or many
heads of the beast, are interpreted, by the poet, to mean theif
several officers, deacons, priests, scribes, lay-elders, &c.
§ That is, lay-elder, an associate to the priesthood, for inter-
ested, if not for iniquitous purposes; alluding to Genesis xlix.
5, 6. "Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty
"are in their habitations : O, my soul, come not thou into their
" secret ; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united (
"for in their anger they slew a man." Mr. Robert Gordon, in
his History of the illustrious family of Gordon, vol. ii. p. 197,
compares the solemn league and covenant with the holy league
lo France : he says they were as like as one egg to another, the
one was nursed by tlie Jesuits, the other by the Scots Presliyte-
168 HUDIBRAS. [Part »
Whose little finger is as heavy
As loins of patriarchs, prince-prelate,
And bishop-secular.* This zealot
Is of a mungrel, diverse kind, 122S
Cleric before, and lay behind ;t
A lawless linsey-woolsey brother,t
Half of one order, jialf another ;
A creature of amphibious nature,
On land a beast, a fish in water ; 1230
That always preys on grace, or sin ;
A sheep without, a wolf within.
This fierce inquisitor has chief
Dominion over men's belief
And manners ; can pronounce a saint 1235
Idolatrous, or ignorant.
When superciliously he sifts.
Through coarsest boulter, others gifts.§
For all men live, and judge amiss.
Whose talents jump not just with his. 1240
He'll lay on gifts with hand, and place
On dullest noddle light and grace,
The manufacture of the kirk.
Whose pastors are but th' handiwork
Of his mechanic paw.s, instilling 1245
Divinity in them by feeling.
From whence they start up chosen vessels,
Made by contact, as men get measles.
So cardinals, they say, do grope
At th' other end the new made pope.|| 1230
Hold, hold, quoth Hudibras, Soft fire.
They say, does make sweet malt. Good Squire,
Festina lente, not too fast ;
rians, Simeon and Levi. See Doughtie's Velitationes Folemicie,
p. 74.
* Such is the bishop and prince of Liege, and such are sev
eral of the bishops in Germany. [1793.]
t A trifling book called a Key to Hudibras, under the name of
Sir Roger L'Estrange, pretends to decipher all the characters in
the poem, and tells us that one Andrew Crawford was here in-
tended. This character is supposed by others to have been
designed for William Dunning, a Scotch jiresbyter. But, proba-
bly, the author meant no more than to give a general represen-
tation of the lay-elders.
+ Lawless, because it was forbidden by the LeviticaJ law to
wear a nii.\ture of linen and woollen in the same garment.
6 A bolter is a sieve by which the millers dress their flour.
(l See, in Platina's Lives of the Popes, the well-known story
of pope Joan, or John VIII. The stercorary chair, as appears by
Burchard's Diary, was used at the installations of Innocent
VIII. and Si.xtus IV. See Brequigny in account of MS. in the
French king's library, 8vo. 1789, vol. i. p. 210.
Canto iii.l HUDIBRAS. 169
For baste, the proverb says, makes waste.
The quirks and cavils thou dost make 1255
Are false, and built upon mistake :
And I shall bring you, with your pack
Of fallacies, t' Elencbi back ;*
And put your arguments in mood
And figure to be understood. 1260
I'll force you by right ratiocinatiout
To leave your vitilitigation, t
And make you keep to the question close,
And argue dialecticiSf.^
The question then, to state it first, 1265
Is, which is better, or which worst.
Synods or bears. Bears I avow
To be the worst, and synods thou.
But, to make good th' assertion,
Thou say'st th' are really all one, 1276
If so, not worst ; for if th' are idem,
Why then, tantundem dat tantidem.
For if they are the same, by course
Neither is better, neither worse.
But I deny they are the same, 1275
More than a maggot and I am.
That both are animalia,||
I grant, but not rationalia :
For though they do agree in kind,
Specific difference we find ;ir 1280
* Elenchi are arguments which deceive under an appearance
of truth. The knight says he shall make the deception appa-
rent. The name is given, by Aristotle, to those syllogisms
which have seemingly a fair, but in reality a contradictory con-
clusion. A chief design of Aristotle's logic is to establish rules
for the trial of arguments, and to guard against sophism : for in
his time Zeno, Parmenides,and others, had set up a false meth-
od of reasoning, which he makes it his business to detect and
defeat.
t The poet makes tio, in ratiocination, constitute but one syl
lable. as in verse 1378, but in P. i. c. i. v. 78, he makes tio two
syllables.
t That is, your perverse humor of wrangling. Erasmus, in the
Moriffi enc(miium, has the following passage : " Etenim non de-
"erunt tbrtasse vitilitigatores, qui caluninientur partim leviores
"esse nugas quam ut Iheologum deceant, partim mordaciores
" quam ut Christian^e eonveniant modestiffi." Vitilitigatores,
i. e. obtreclatores et caluiimiatores, quos Cato, nnvato verho, a
vitio et morbo litigandi vitilitigatores appellabat, ut testaturPlin.
in prsBfat. historia; mundi.
i That is, logically.
(1 Suppose we read :
That both indeed are aniinalia.
^ Between animate and inanimate things, as between a man
170 HUDIBRAS. [Parti
And can no more make bears of these,
Than prove my horse is Socrates.*
That synods are bear-gardens too,
Thou dost affirm ; but I say, No :
And thus I prove it, in a word, 12BJ
What s'ever assembly's not impow'r'd
To censure, curse, absolve, and ordain.
Can bo no synod : but Bear-garden
Has no such pow'r, ergo 'tis none ;
And so thy sophistry's o'erthrown. 1290
But yet we are beside the question
Which thou didst raise the first contest on :
For that was. Whether bears are better
Thau synod-men ? I say, Negatur.
That bears are beasts, and synods men, 1295
Is held by all : they're better then,
For bears and dogs on four legs go,
As beasts ; but synod-men on two.
'Tis true, they all have teeth and nails ;
But prove that synod-men have tails : 1300
Or that a rugged, shaggy fur
Grows o'er tiie hide of presbyter ;
Or that his snout and spacious ears
Do hold proportion with a bear's.
A bear's a savage beast, of all 1305
Most ugly and unnatural,
Whelp'd without form, until the dam
Has lickt it into shape and frame :t
But all thy light can ne'er evict,
and a tree, there is a generical difference ; that is, they are not
of the same kind or genus. Between rational and sensitive crea-
tures, as a man and a bear, there is a specifical difierence ; for
though they agree in the genus of animals, or living creatures,
yet they ditfer in tlie species as to reason. Between two men,
JPlato and Socrates, there is a numerical difference ; for, though
they are of the same species as rational creatures, yet they are
not one and the same, but two men. See Part ii. Canto i. 1. 150
* Or that my horse is a man. Aristotle, in his disputations,
uses the word Socrates as an appellative for man in general
From thence it was taken up in the schools.
t We must not expect our poet's philosophy to be strictly true :
it is sufficient that it agree with the notions commonly handed
down. Thus Ovid :
Nee catulus partu, quem reddidit ursa recenti,
Sed male viva caro est. Lambendo mater in artus
Fingit ; et in formam, quantum capit ipsa, reducit.
Metam. xv. 379.
Pliny, in his Natural History, lib. viii. c. 54, says : " Hi sunt
Candida informisque caro, panlo mnribus major, sine oculis
line pilo : ungues tantum prominent : hano lambendo panla
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 171
That ever synod-man was lickt, 1310
- Or brought to any other fashion
Than his own will and inclination.
But thou dost further yet in this
Oppugn thyself and sense ; that is,
Thou would'st have presbyters to go 1315
For bears and dogs, and bearwards too ;
A strange chimaera* of beasts apd men,
Made up of pieces het'rogene ;
Such as in nature never met,
In'eodem subjecto yet. 1320
Thy other arguments are all
Supposures hypothetical,
That do but beg ; and we may chuse
Either to grant them, or refuse.
Much thou hast said, which I know when, 1325
And where thou stol'st from other men ;
Whereby 'tis plain thy light and gifts
Are all but plagiary shifts ;
And is the same that Ranter said,
Who, arguing with me, broke my head,t 1330
And tore a handful of my beard ;
The self-same cavils then I heard.
When b'ing in hot dispute about
This controversy, we fell out ;
And what thou know'st I answer'd then 1335
Will serve to answer thee agen.
Quoth Ralpho, Nothing but th' abuse
Of human learning you produce ;
Learning, that cobweb of the brain.
Profane, erroneous, and vain ;t 1340
''rim figurant." But this silly opinion is refuted by Brown in his
Vulgar Errors, book Hi. ch. 6.
* CliiniiEra was a fabulous monster, thus described by Homer :
^ 6' ap crjv ditov yivo;, oui' avOpd-Kuv
Upiade Xiiiiv, SriOcv Si OpdKiav, liiaarj ii x'/JaffJO-
Iliad, vi. 180.
Eustathius, on the passage, has abundance of Greek learning
Hesiod has given the chimrera three heads. Theog. 319.
t The ranters were a wild sect, that denied all doctrines of re-
ligion, natural and revealed. With one of these the knight had
entered into a dispute, and at last came to blows. See a ranter's
character in Butler's Posthumous Works. Whitelocke says,
the soldiers in the parliament army were frequently punished
for being ranters. Nero clothed Christians in the skins of wild
beasts; but these wrapped wild beasts in the skins of Christians.
t Ur. South, in his sermon preached in Westminster Abbey,
J692, says, speaking of the times about 50 years before, Latin
unto them was a mortal crime, and Greek looked upon as a sin
172 HUDIBRAS. [.Part i.
A trade of knowledge as replete,
As others are with fraud and cheat ; -*
Rgainst the Holy Ghost ; that all learning was then cried down,
so that with them the best preachers were such as coald not
read, and the ablest divines such as could not write : in all their
preachments they so highly pretended to the spirit, that they
hardly could spell the letter. To be blind, was with them the
proper qualification of a spiritual guide, and to be book-learned,
(as they called it,) and to be irreligious, were almost terms con-
vertible. None were thought fit for the ministry but tradesmen
and mechanics, because none else were allowed to have the
spirit. Those only were accounted like St. Paul who could work
with their hands, and, in a literal sense, drive the nail home, and
be able to make a pulpit before they preached in it.
The Independents and Anabaptists were great enemies to all
human learning: they thought that preaching, and every thing
else, was to come by inspiration.
When Jack Cade ordered lord Say's head to be struck off, he
said to him : " I am the besom that must sweep the court clean
"of such filth as thou art. Thou hast most traiterously corrupt-
" ed the youth of the realm, in erecting a grammar-school ; and
"whereas, before, our forefathers had no other books, but the
"score and the tally, thou hast caused printing to be used ; and,
"contrary to the king, his crown and dignity, thou hast built a
" paper-mill. It will be proved to thy face, that thou hast men
"about thee, that usually talk of a noun and a verb; and such
"abominable words as no Christian ear can endure to hear."
Henry VI. Part II. Act iv. sc. 7. In Mr. Butler's MS. I find the
following reflections on this subject :
"The modern doctrine of the court, that men's natural parts
are rather impaired than improved by study and learning, is ri
diculously false ; and the design of it as plain as its ignorant
nonsense — no more than what the levellers and Quakers found
out before them: that is, to bring down all other men, whom
they have no possibility of coming near any other way, to an
equality with themselves ; that no man may be thought to re-
ceive any advantage by that which they, with all their confi-
dence, dare not pretend to.
"It is true that some learned men, by their want of judgment
and discretion, will sometimes do and say things that appear ri-
diculous to those who are entirely ignorant : but he, who from
hence takes measure of all others, is most indiscreet. For no
one can make another man's want of reason a jUst cause for not
improving his own, but he who would have been as little the
better for it, if he had taken the same pains.
" He is a fool that has nothing of philosophy in him ; but not
so much so as he who has nothing else but philosophy.
" He that has less learning than his capacity is able to manage,
shall have more use of it than he that has more than he can
master; for no man can possibly have a ready and active com-
mand of that which is too heavy for him, Qui ultra facultates
sapit, desipit. Sense and reason are too chargeable for the ordi-
nary occasions of scholars, and what they are not able to go to
the e.\pense of: therefore metaphysics are better for their pur-
poses, as being cheap, which any dunce may bear the expense of,
and which make a better noise in the ears of the ignorant than
that which is true and right. Non qui plurima, sed qui ntilia
legerunt, eruditi habendi.
" A blind man knows he cannot see, and is glad to be led,
\
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 173
An art t' incumber gifts and wit,
- And render both for nothing fit ;
though it be but by a dog ; but he that is blind in his understand-
ing, which is the worst blindness of all, believes he sees as well
as the best ; and scorns a guide.
" Men glory in that which is their infelicity. — Learning Greek
and Latin, to understand the sciences contained in them, which
commonly proves no better l)argain than he makes, who breaks
his teeth to crack a nut, which has nothing but a maggot in it.
He that hath many languages to express his thoughts, but no
thoughts worth expressing, is like one who can write a good
hand, but never the better sense; or one who can cast up any
sums of money, but has none to reckon.
"They who study mathematics only to fix their minds, and
render them steadier to apply to other things, as there are many
who profess to do, are as wise as those who think, by rowing in
boats, to learn to swim.
" He that has made an hasty march through most arts and
sciences, is like an ill captain, who leaves garrisons and strong-
holds behind him."
" The arts and sciences are only tools,
Which students do their business with in schools :
Although great men have said, 'tis more abstruse,
And hard to understand them, than their use.
And though they were intended but in order
To better things, few ever venture further.
But as all good designs are so accurst,
The best intended often prove the worst ;
So what was meant t' improve the world, quite cross,
Has turn'd to its calamity and loss.
" The greatest part of learning's only meant
For curiosity and ornament.
And therefore most pretending virtuosos.
Like Indians, bore tlieir lips and flat their noses.
When 'tis their artificial want of wit,
That spoils their work, instead of mending it.
To prove by syllogism is but to spell,
A proposition like a syllable.
"Critics esteem no sciences so noble,
As worn-out languages, to vamp and cobble
And when they had corrected all old copies,
To cut themselves out work, made new and foppish,
Assum'd an arbitrary power t' invent
And overdo what th' author never meant.
Could find a deeper, subtler meaning out,
Than th' innocentest writer ever thought.
"Good scholars are but journeymen to nature,
That shows them all their tricks to imitate her:
Though some mistake the reason she proposes,
And make them imitate their virtuosos.
And arts and sciences are but a kind
Of trade and occupation of the mind :
An exercise by which mankind is taught
The discipline and management of thought
To best advantages ; and takes its lesson
From nature, or her secretary reason, —
Is both the best, or worst way of instructing,
174 HUDIBRAS. [pAiir i
Makes light unactive, dull and troubled, 1345
Like little David in Saul's doublet ;*
A cheat that scholars put upon
Otlier men's reason and their own ;
A sort of error to ensconce
Absurdity and ignorance, l3Sfl
That renders all the avenues
To truth impervious, and abstrus*;.
By making plain things, in debate,
By art perplex'd and intricate :
¥oT nothing goes for sense or light 1355
That will not with old rules jump righ ,
As if rules were not in the schools
Deriv'd from truth but truth from rules.1
This pagan, heathenish invention
Is good for nothing but contention. 1360
For as in sword-and-buckler fight,
All blows do on the target light ;
So when men argue, the great'st part
O' th' contest falls on terms of art.
Until the fustian stuff be spent, 1365
And then they fall to th' argument.
Quoth Hudibras, Friend Ralph, thou hast
Out-run the constable at last ;
For thou art fallen on a new
Dispute, as senseless as untrue, 1370
But to the former opposite.
And contrary as black to white ;
Mere disparata,!: that concerning
Presbytery, this human learning ;
As men mistake or understand her doctrine :
That as it happens proves the legerdemain,
Or practical dexterity of the brain :
And renders all that have to do with books,
The fairest gamesters, or the falsest rooks.
For there's a wide and a vast difference,
Between a man's own, and another's sense ;
As is of those that drive a trade upon
Other men's reputation and their own.
And as more cheats are used in public stocks,
So those that trade upon account of books,
Are greater rooks than he who singly deals
Upon his own account and nothing steals."
* See 1 Samuel .xvii. 38.
t Bishop Warburton in a note on these lines, says : "This oh
servation is just, the logicians have run into strange absurdi-
' ties of this kind : Peter Ramus, the best of them, in his Logic,
' rejects a very just argument of Cicero's as sophistical, because
' it did not jump right with his rules."
i Things totally different from each other.
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 175
Two things s' averse, they never yet, 1375
But in thy rambling fancy, met.
But I shall take a fit occasion
T' evince thee by ratiocination.
Some other time, in place more proper
Than this w' are in : therefore let's stop hero, 1380
And rest our weary 'd bones awhile,
Akeady tir'd with other toiL
PART II. CANTO L
THE ARGUMENT.
The Knight clapp'd by th' heels in prison,
The last unhappy expedition,*
Love brings his action on the case,t
And lays it upon Hudibras.
How he receives the lady's visit,
And cunningly solicits his suit,
Which she defers ; yet, on parole,
Redeems him from th' enchanted hole.
* In the author's corrected copy, printed 1674, the lines stand
thus ; but in the edition printed ten years before, we read:
The knight, by damnable magician,
Being cast illegally in priso7i.
In the edition of 1704 the old reading was restored, but we
have in general used the author's corrected copy.
t We may observe how justly Mr. Butler, who was an able
lawyer, applies all law terms. — An action on the case, is a gen-
eral action given for redress of wrongs and injuries, done with-
out force, and by law not provided against, in order to have sat-
isfaction for damages. The author informs us, in his own note,
at the beginning of this canto, that he had the fourth iEneis of
Virgil in view, which passes from the tumults of war and the
fatigues of a dangerous voyage, to the tender subject of love.
The French translator has divided the poem into nine cantos,
and not into parts : but, as the poet published his work at three
different times, and in his corrected copy continued the division
into parts, it is taking too great a liberty for any conimentalnr to
alter that arransement; especially as he might do it, as before
observed, in lniit<uion of Spenser, and the Italian and Spanish
[jouts, Tasso, Ariosto, Alonso de Ercilla, izc. &c.
H U D I B R A S .
CANTO I.
Bur now, t' observe romantique method,
Let rusty steel awhile be sheathed ;
And all those harsh and rugged sounds*
Of bastinadoes, cuts, and wounds,
Exchaug'd to love's more gentle style, S
To let our reader breathe awhile :
In which, that we may be as brief as
Is possible, by way of preface.
Is't not enough to make one strange,+
That some men's fancies should ne'er change, 10
But make all people do and say
The same things still the self-same way ?t
Some writers make all ladies purloin'd.
And knights pursuing like a whirlwind :
Others make all their knights, in fits 15
Of jealousy, to lose their wits ;
Till drawing blood o' th' dames, hke witches,
They're forthwith cur'd of their capriches.§
Some always thrive in their amours.
By pulling plasters off their sores ;1| 20
* Shakspeare says,
" Our stern alarums thang'd to merry meetings,
" Our dreadful marches to delightful measures."
Richard III. Act i. sc. 1.
t That is, to make one wonder : strange, here, is an adjective ;
when a man sees a new or unexpected object, he is said to be
stranjre to it.
X Few men have genius enough to vary their style ; both poets
and painters are very apt to be mannerists.
^ It was a vulgar notion that, if you drew blood from a witch,
she could not hurt you. Thus Cleveland, in his Rebel Scot :
Scots are like witches ; do but whet your pen.
Scratch till the blood comes, they'll not hurt you then.
II By shewing their wounds to the ladies — [who, it must be
remembered, in the times of chivalry, were instructed in surgery
and the healing art. In the romance of Perceforest a young lady
puts in the dislocated arm of a knight.]
8*
178 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
As cripples do to get an alms,
Just so do they, and win their dames.
Some force whole regions, in despite
O' geography, to change their site ;
Make former times shake hands with latter, 25
And that which was before come after ;*
But those that write in rhyme still make
The one verse for the other's sake ;
For one for sense, and one for rhyme,
I think's sufficient at one time. 30
But we forget in what sad plight
We whilom left the captiv'd Knight
And pensive Squire, both bruis'd in body.
And conjur'd into safe custody.
Tir'd with dispute, and speaking Latin, 35
As well as basting and bear-baiting,
And desperate of any course.
To free himself by wit or force.
His only solace was, that now
His dog-bolt fortune was so low, 40
That either it must quickly end,
Or turn about again, and mend :t
In which he found th' event, no less
Than other times, beside his guess.
* These were common faults with romance writers : even
Shakspeare and Virgil have not wholly avoided them. The for-
mer transports his characters, in a quarter of an hour, from
France to England : the latter has formed an intrigue between
Dido and jEneas, who probably lived in very distant periods.
The Spanish writers are complained of for these errors. Don
Ciuixote, vol. ii. ch. 21.
t it was a maxim among the Stoic philosophers, many of
whose tenets seem to be adopted by our knight, that things
which were violent could not be lasting. Si longaest, levisest;
si gravis est, brevis est. The term dog-bolt, may be taken from
the situation of a rabbit, or other animal, that is forced from its
hole by a dog, and then said to bolt. Unless it ought to have
been written dolg-bote, which in the Saxon law signifies a rec-
ompense for a hurt or injury. — Cyclopaedia. In English, dog, in
composition, like i5us in Greek, implies that the thing denoted by
the noun annexed to it, is vile, bad, savage, or unfortunate in its
kind : tlius dog-rose, dog-latin, dog-trick, dog-cheap, and many
others. [Archdeacon Nares considers dog-bolt evidently as a
term of reproach, and gives quotations from Johnson to that ef-
fect, and adds, that no compound of dog and bull, in any sense,
appears to afford an interpretation of it. The happiest illustra-
tion of the text is afforded by Archdeacon Todd from Beaumont
and Fletcher's Spanish Curate :
" For to say truth, the lawyer is a doghalt,
" An arrant worm."]
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 179
There is a t&J long-sided dame,* 45
But wond'rous light— ycleped Fame,
That like a thin camelion boards
Herself on air,t and eats her words ;t
Upon her shoulders wings she wears
Like hanging sleeves, lin'd thro' with ears, 50
And eyes, and tongues, as poets list,
Made good by deep mythologist :
With these she through the welkin flies,§
And sometimes carries truth, oft' lies ;
With letters hung, like eastern pigeons,|| 55
And Mercuries of furthest regions ;
* Our author has evidently followed Virgil (jEneid. iv.) in
some parts of this description of Fame. Thus :
Ingrediturque solo, et caput inter nubila condit.
malum qua non aliud velocius ullum :
Mobilitate viget, viresque acquirit eundo.
pedibus celereni et pernicibus alls.
cui, quot sunt corpore plums,
Tot vigiles oculi subter, mirabile dictu,
Tot liugUcB, tolidem ora sonant, tot subriget aures.
Tarn ficti pravique tenax quam nuntia veri.
t The vulgar notion is, that camelions live on air ; but they
are Itnown to feed on flies, caterpillars, and other insects.
t Mr. Warburton has an ingenious note on this passage. "The
" beauty of it," he says, " consists in the double meaning : the
" first alluding to Fame's living on report ; the second, an insin-
" uation that, if a report is narrowly inquired into, and traced up
" to the original autlior, it is made to contradict itself."
§ Welkin is derived from the Anglo-Saxon wolc, wohcn, clouds.
[Lye gives as one meaning of wolc, aer, aetlier, firmamentum.
The welkin.] It is used, in general, by the English poets, for we
seldom meet vv^ith it in prose, to denote the sliy or visible region,
of the air. But Chaucer seems to distinguish between sky and
welliin :
He let a certaine vi-inde ygo.
That blew so hideously and hie.
That it ne lefte not a skie, (cloud,)
In all the welkin long and brode.
II Every one has heard of the pigeons of Aleppo, which served
as couriers. The birds were taken from their young ones, and
conveyed to any distant place in open cages. If it was necessary
to send home any intelligence, a pigeon was let loose, with a
billet tied to her foot, and slie flew back with tie utmost expe-
dition. They would return in ten hours from Alexandretto to
Aleppo, and in two days from Bagdad. Savary says they have
traversed the former in the space of five or six hours. This
method was practised at Mutina, when besieged by Antony
See Pliny's Natural History, lib. x. 37. Anacreon's Dove says,
•he was employed to carry love-letters for her master.
Kal vvv o7as iKtlva
ETrtyoXaf /co//i^u).
Brunck. Analect. torn. L
180 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
Diunials writ for regulation
Of lying, to inform the nation,*
And by their public use to bring down
Tiie rate of whetstones in the kingdom :t 60
About her neck a pacquet-niale,t
Fraught with advice, some fresh, some stale,
Of men that waik'd when they were dead,
And cows of monsters brought to bed:
Of hail-stones big as pullets' eggs, 63
And puppies wheiji'd with twice two legs :§
A blazing star seen in the west,
By six or seven men at leeist.
Two trumpets she does sound at ouce,||
* The newspapers of those times, called Mercuries and Diur-
nals, were ncit more authentic than similar publications are at
present. E;ich party had its Mercuries : there was Mercurias
llusticus, and Jlercurius Aulicns.
t The observations on the learning of Shakspeare will explain
this passage. We there read : " A happy talent for lying, familiar
"enough to those men of tire, who louked on every one graver
" than themselves as their whetstone." This, you may remem-
ber, is a proverbial term, denoting an excitement to lying, or a
subject that gave a man an opportunity of breaking a jest upon
another.
fungar vice cotis. Hor. Ars Poet. 1. 304.
Thus Shakspeare niakes Celia reply to Rosalind upon the
entry of the Clown: "Fortune hath sent this natural for our
" wlietstiine ; for always the ilulness of the fool is the whetstone
" of the wits." And Jonson, alluding to the same, in the char-
acter of Amorphus,-says : " He will lye cheaper than any beggar,
"imd louiler than any clock ; for which he is right properly ae-
"commcjdated to the whetstone, his page." — "This," says Mr,
Warlmrlon, " will exjjlain a smart repartee of Sir Francis Bacon
'•before king James, to whom Sir Kenelm Digby was relating,
"that he had seen the true philosopher's stone in the possession
"of a hermit in Italy: when tlie king was very curious to know
"what sort of a stone it was, and Sir Kenelm nuith puzzled in
" descrdiing it, Sir Francis Bacon said : ' Perhaps it was a whet-
" 'stone.' "
'•To lie, for a whetstone, at Temple Sowerby, in Westmore-
" land." See Sir J. Harington's Brief View, p. 179. Exraooi
Courtship, p. 26, n.
[It is a custom in the north, when a man tells the greatest lie
in the company, to reward him with a whetstone; which is
called lying fir ihe whetstone- Budworth's Fortnight's Ramble
to the Lakes, chap. 6. 17U2.J
} This is a good trail in the charncter of Fame : laden with
reports, as a post boy with letters in his male. The word male
is derived from the Greek fifjAov, ovis; /jj/Auith, pcllis ovina;
because made of leather, Ircquenlly sheepskin: lience the
French word maille, now wriilen in English, mail
§ To make this story wonderful as the rest, ought we not to
read — thrice two, or twice four legs ?
II In Pope's Temple of Fame, she has the trumpet of eternal
praise, and the trumpet of slander. Chaucer makes jEolus an
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 181
But both of clean contrary tones ; 70
But vvliether both with the same wind,
Or one before, and one behind,*
We know not, only this can tell.
The one sounds vilely, tli' other well,
And therefore vulgar authors name 75
The one Good, th' other Evil Fame.
This tattling gossipt knew too well.
What mischief Hudibras befel ;
And straight the spightful tidings bears,
Of all, to th' unkind widow's ears.t 80
Democritus ne'er laugh'd so loud,§
To see bawds carted through the crowd,
Or funerals with stately pomp,
March slowly on in solemn dump.
As she laugh'd out, until her back, S3
As well as sides, was like to crack.
She vow'd she would go see the sight.
And visit the distressed Knight,
To do the office of a neighbour.
And be a gossip at his labour ; 90
And from his wooden jail, the stocks.
To set at large his fetter-locks,
And by exchange, parole, or ransom,
To free him from th' enchanted mansion.
This b'ing resolv'd, she call'd for hood 95
And usher, implements abroad||
Which ladies wear, beside a slender
Young waiting damsel to attend her.
attendant on Fame, and blow the clarion of laud and the clarion
of slander, alternately, according to her directions : the latter is
described as black and stinkinp.
* This Hudibrastick description is imitated, but very un-
eqtially, by Cotton, in his Travesty of the fourth book of Virgil.
t Gossip or god-sib is a Saxon word, signifying cognata e.t
parte dei, or godmother. It is now likewise become an appella-
tion for any idle woman. Tattle, l e. sine modo garrire.
} Protinus ad regem cursus detorquet [arban,
Incenditque animum dictis. Virg. ^En. iv. 196.
$ Perpetuo risu pulmonem 8.gitare solebat
Democritus
Ridebat curas, nee non et i;audia vulgi,
Interdum et lacrymas. Juv. Sat. x. 34-51.
II Some have doubted whether the word usher denotes aa
attendant, or part of her dress , but ifirom P. iii. c. iii 1. 399, it ts
plain that it signifies the former.
Beside two more of her retinue,
To testify what pass'd I jtween yon.
183 HUDIBRAS. [Part u
All which appearing, on she went
To find the Knight in limbo pent. IOC
And 'twas not long before she found
Him, and his stout Squire, in the pound ;
Both coupled in enchanted tether,
By further leg behind together :
For as he set upon his rump, 105
His head, like one in doleful dump.
Between his knees, his hands apply'd
Unto his ears on either side.
And by him, in another hole.
Afflicted Ralpho, cheek by joul,* 110
She came upon him in his wooden
Magician's circle, on the sudden,
As spirits do t' a conjurer,
When in their dreadful shapes th' appear.
No sooner did the Knight perceive her, 115
But straight he fell into a fever,
Inflam'd all over with disgrace,
To be seen by her in such a place ;
Which made him hang his head, and scowl.
And wink and goggle like an owl ; 130
He felt his brains begin to swim.
When thus the Dame accosted him :
This place, quoth she, they say's enchanted,
And vrith delinquent spirits haunted ;
That here are ty'd in chains, and scourg'd, 125
Until their guilty crimes be purg'd :
Look, there are two of them appear
Like persons I have seen somewhere :
Some have mistaken blocks and posts
For spectres, apparitions, ghosts, 130
With saucer-eyes and horns ; and some
Have heard the devil beat a drum :t
But if our eyes are not false glasses,
That give a wrong account of faces.
That beard and I should be acquainted, 135
Before 'twas conjur'd and enchanted.
For though it be disfigur'd somewhat,
As if 't had lately been in combat.
* That is, cheek to cheek ; sometimes pronounced jig by jole ;
but here properly written, and derived, from two Anglo-Saxon
words, ceac, maxilla, and ciol, or ciole, guttur.
t The stor^' of Mr. Mompesson's house being haunted by a
drummer, made a great noise about the time our author wrote
The narrative is in Mr. Glanvil's book of Witchcraft.
Canto i.J HUDIBRAS. 183
It did belong t' a worthy Knight,
Howe'er this gobhn is come by't. 140
When Hudibras the Lady heard
To take kind notice of his beard,
And speak with such respect and lionour,
Both of the beard and the beard's owner,*
He thought it best to set as good 145
A face upon it as he cou'd,
And thus ho spoke : Lady, your bflght
And radiant eyes are in the right ;
The beard's th' identique beard you knew,
The same numerically true : 150
Nor is it worn by fiend or elf,
But its proprietor himself.
O heavens ! quoth she, can that be true ?
I do begin to fear 'tis you ;
Not by your individual whiskers, 155
But by your dialect and discourse,
That never spoke to man or beast,
In notions vulgarly exprest :
* See the dignity of the beard maintained by Dr. Bulwer in
his Artificial Changeling, p. 196. He says, shaving the chin is
justly to be accounted a note of efleminacy, as appears by eu-
nuchs, who produce not a beard, the sign of virility. Alexander
and his officers did not shave their beards till they were effemi-
nated by Persian luxury. It was late before barbers were in
request at Rome : they first came from Sicily 454 years after the
foundation of Rome. Varro tells us they were introduced by
Ticinius Mena. Scipio Africanus was the first who shaved his
face every day: the emperor Augustus used this practice. See
Pliny's Nat. Hist. b. vii. c. 59. Diogenes seeing one with a
smooth shaved chin, said to him, " Hast thou whereof to accuse
" nature for making thee a man and not a woman 1" — The Rho-
dians and Byzantines, contrary to the practice of modern Rus-
sians, persisted against their laws and edicts in shaving, and the
use of the razor. — Ulmus de fine barbcc humancE, is of opinion,
that the beard seems not merely for ornament, or age, or sex, not
for covering nor cleanliness, but to serve the office of the human
soul. And that nature gave to mankind a beard, that it might
remain as an index in the face of the masculine generative fac-
ulty.— Beard-haters are by Barclay clapped on board the ship of
fools :
Laudis erat quandam barbatos esse parentes
Atque supercilium mento gestare pudico
Socratis exempio, barbara nutrire solebant
Cultores sophiae.
False hair was worn by the Roman ladies. Martial says :
Jurat capillos esse, quos emit, suos
FabuUa nunquid ilia, Paulle, pejerat.
And again : Ovid, de Art. Amandi, iii. 1G5 :
Foemina procedit densissima crinibus emptis ;
Proque suis alios efficit sere suos :
Nee pudor est emisse palam.
184 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
But what malignant star, alas !
Has brought you both to this sad pass ? 160
Quoth he, The fortune of the war,
Which I am less afflicted for,
Than to be seen with beard and face
By you in such a homely case.
Quoth she. Those need not be asham'd 165
For being honourably maim'd ;
If he that is in battle conquer'd.
Have any title to his own beard,
Tho' yours be sorely lugg'd and too,
It does your visage more adorn 170
Than if 'twere prun'd, and starch'd and lander'd,
And cut sCjUare by the Russian standard.*
A torn beard's like a tatter'd ensign,
That's bravest which there are most rents in.
That petticoat, about your shoulders, 175
Does not so well become a soldier's ;
And I'm afraid they are worse handled,
Altho' i' th' rear, your beard the van led ;t
And those uneasy bruises make
My heart for company to ake, 180
To see so worshipful a friend
I' th' pillory set, at the wrong end.
Quoth Hudibras, This thing call'd pain,t
Is, as the learned stoics maintain.
Not bad simpliciter, nor good, 185
But merely as 'tis understood.
Sense is deceitful, and may feign
As well in counterfeiting pain
As other gross phtenomenas,
In which it oft' mistakes the case. 190
But since th' immortal intellect,
That's free from error and defect.
* The beans in the reign of James I. and Charles I. spent as
much time in dressing their beards, as modern beaus do in dress-
ing their hair ; and many of them kept a person to read to them
while the operation was performing. It is well known what
great difficulty the Czar Peter of Russia met with in obliging his
subjects to cut off their beards.
t The van is the fron or fore part of an army, and commonly
the post of danger and honor ; the rear the hinder part. So that
making a front in the rear must be retreating from the enemy.
By this comical expression the lady signifies that he turned tail
to them, by which means his shoulders sped worse than his
beard.
t Some tenets of the stoic philosophers are here burlesqued
with great humor
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 185
Whose objects still persist the same,
Is free from outward bruise or maim,
Which nought external can expose 195
To gross material bangs or blows,
It follows we can ne'er be sure
Whether we pain or not endure ;
And just so far are sore and griev'd.
As by the fancy is believ'd. 200
Some have been wounded with conceit,
And died of mere opinion straight ;*
Others, tho' wounded sore in reason.
Felt no contusion, nor discretion.t
A Saxon Duke did grow so fat, 205
That mice, as histories relate.
Ate grots and labyrinths to dwell in
His postique parts, without his feeling ;
Then how is't possible a kick
Should e'er reach that way to the quick ?t 210
Quoth she, I grant it is in vain,
For one that's basted to feel pain ;
Because the pangs his bones endure.
Contribute nothing to the cure ;
Yet honour hurt is wont to rage 215
With pain no med'ciue can assuage.
Quoth he. That honour's very squeamish
That takes a basting for a blemish :
* In Grey's note on this passage there are several stories of
this sort ; of which the most remarkable is the case of the Chev-
alier Jarre, "who was upnn the scaffold at Troyes, had his hair
" cut off, the handkerchief before his eyes, and the sword in the
" executioner's hand to cut off his head ; but the king pardoned
" hini : being taken up, his fear had so taken hold of him, that
" he could not stand nor speak : they led him to bed, and opened
"a vein, but no blood would come." Lord Stafford's Letters,
vol. i. p. 1G6.
t As it is here stopped, it signifies, others though really and
Eorely wounded, (see the Lady's Answer, line 212) felt no bruise
or cut: but if we put a semicolon after sore, and no slop after
reason, the meaning may be, others though wounded sore in body,
yet in mind or imaginati^n felt no bruise or cut. Discretion,
here signifies a cut, or separation of parts.
+ He justly argues from this story, that if a man could be so
gnawed and mangled in those parts, without his feeling it, a
kick in the same place would not nuich hurt him. See Butler's
Keniains, vol. i. p. 31, where it is asserted, that the note in the
old editions is by Butler himself. 1 cannot fix this story on any
particular duke of Saxony. It may be paralleled by the case of
an inferior animal, as related by a pretended eye-witness. — In
Arcadia scio me esse spectatuni suem, quas prte pinguedine car-
nis, non modo surgere non posset ; sed etiam ut in ejus corpore
sorex, exesa carne, nidum fecisset, et peperissit mures. Varro,
U. 4, 12.
186 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
For wliat's more honourable than scars,
Or skin to tatters rent in wars ? 820
Some have been beaten till they know
What wood a cudgel's of by th' blow ;
Some kick'd, until they can feel whether
A shoe be Spanish or neat's leather :
And yet have met, after long running, 225
With some whom they have taught that cunning.
The furthest way about, t' o'ercome,
r th' end does prove the nearest home
By laws of learned duellists.
They that are bruis'd with wood, or fists, 230
And think one beating may for once
Suffice, are cowards and poltroons :
But if they dare engage t' a second.
They're stout and gallant fellows reckon'd
Th' old Romans freedom did bestow, 235
Our princes worship, with a blow :*
King Pyrrhus cur'd his splenetic
And testy courtiers with a kick.t
* One form of declaring a slave free, at Rome, was for the
prJEtor, in the presence of certain persons, to give the slave a light
stroke with a small stick, from its use called vindicta.
Tune mihi dominus, rerum imperils hominumque
Tot tantisque minor ; quern ter vindicta quaterque
Imposita haud unquam miserii formidine privet '?
Horat. Sat. ii. 7, 75.
Vindicta, postquam mens a prastore recessi,
Cur mihi non liceat jussit quodcunque voluntas.
Persius, v. 88.
Sometimes freedom was given by an alapa, or blow with the
open hand upon the face or head :
quibus una Quinfem
Vertigo facit. Pers. v. 75.
duos manumittebant eos, Alapa percusses, circumageban el
liberos confirmabant : from hence, perhaps, came the saying of
a man's being giddy, or having his head turned with his good
fortune.
Verterit hunc dominus, momento turbinis exit
Marcus Dama. Pers. v. 78.
t It was a general belief that he could cure the spleen by
sacrificing a white cock, and with his right foot gently pressing
the spleen of the persons, laid down on their backs, a little on
one side. Nor was any so poor and inconsiderable as not to
receive the benefit of his royal touch, if he desired it. The
toe of that foot was said to have a divine virtue, for after his
death the rest of his body being consumed, this was found un-
hurt and untouched by the fire. Vid. Plutarch, in Vita Pyrrhi,
tub initio.
Canto ] HUDIBRAS. 187
The Negus,* when some mighty lord
Or potentate's to bo restor'd, 240
And pardon'd for some great cfFence,
With which he's willing to dispense,
First has him laid upon his belly.
Then beaten back and side, t' a jelly ;t
That done, he rises, humbly bows, 245
And gives thanks for the princely blows ;
Departs not meanly proud, and boasting
Of his magnificent rib-roasting.
The beaten soldier proves most manful.
That, like his sword, endures the anvil, t 200
And justly's found so formidable.
The more his valour's malleable :
But he that fears a bastinado.
Will run away from his own shadow :§
And though I'm now in durance fast, 855
By our own party basely cast,
Ransom, exchange, parole, refus'd.
And worst than by the en'my us'd ;
In close catastall shut, past hope
Of wit or valour to elope ; 260
As beards, the nearer that they tend
To th' earth, still grow more reverend ;
And cannons shoot the higher pitches.
The lower we let down their breeches ;
I'll make this low dejected fate 265
Advance me to a greater height. IT
Quoth she. You've almost made m' in love
With that which did my pity move.
Great wits and valours, like great states.
* Negus was king of Abyssinia.
t This story is tolrt in Le Blanc's Travels, Part ii. ch. 4.
t TirrrtaOai, ftiSpo;
See the character of a parasite in the Comic Fragments, Grot
dicta Poetarum apwi StobcEum.
§ Tbe fury of Buceplialus proceeded from the fear of his own
ihadovv. Rabelais, vol. i. c. 14.
II A cage or prison wherein slaves were exposed for sale :
ne sit praestantior alter
Cappadocas rigida pingues plausisse catasta.
Persius, vi. 76.
T aJj-E foj^tiy irpbs BcZv
UpaTTtov KaKio; Xiav advixijat) ~ori.
*I»os Y^P ayadov touto ■7rp6(paats ylvcrat.
Menand, Fragm. p. 108.
188 HUDIBRAS. [Pakt ii
Do sometimes sink with their own weights :* 270
Th' extremes of glory and of shame,
Like east and west, become the same.t
No Indian prince has to his palace
More followers than a thief to the gallows.
But if a beating seems so brave, 275
What glories must a whipping have?
Such great atchievements cannot fail
To cast salt on a woman's tail :t
For if I thought your nat'ral talent
Of passive courage were so gallant, 280
As you strain hard to have it thought,
I could grow amorous, and dote.
When Hudibras this language heard.
He prick'd up's ears, and strok'd his beard ;
Thought he, this is the lucky hour, 285
Wines work when vines are in the flower :§
This crisis then I'll set my rest on.
And put her boldly to the quest'on.
Madam, what you would seem to doubt
Shall be to all the world made out, 290
How I've been drubb'd, and with what spirit,
And magnanimity I bear it ;
And if you doubt it to be true,
I'll stake myself down against you :
And if I fail in love or troth, || 295
Be you the winner and take both.
* Suis et ipsa Roma viribus ruit. Hor. Ep. xvi.
t That is, glory and shame, which are as opposite as east and
west, become the same as in the two followinj; verses :
No Indian prince has to his palace
More followers than a thief to the gallows.
X Alluding to the common saying : — You will catch the bird
f you throw salt on liis tail.
§ A proverbial expression for the fairest and best opportunity
of doing any thing. It is a common observation among brewers,
distillers of Geneva, and vinegar makers, that their liquors fer-
ment best when the plants used in them are in the flower. Boer-
haave's Chem. 4to. p. 288. Hudibras vainly compares himself
to the vine in flower, for he thinks he has set the widow fer-
menting. Willis de Ferment, says, Vulgo increbuit opinio quod
selecta quaidam anni tempora, ea nimirum in quibus vesetabilia
cujus generis florent, &c. et vina quo tempore vitis eftlorescit,
turgescentias denuo concipiant. See also Sir Kenelm Digby on
the cure of wounds by sympathetic powder. Stains in linen, by
vegetable juices, are most easily taken out when the several
plants are in their prime. E.vamples, in raspberries, quinces,
hops, &c. See Boyle's History of Air.
ll The word troth, from the Sa.\on treoth, signifies punctaality
or fidelity in performing an agreement.
( 4NTO 1.] HUDIBRAS. 189
Quoth she, I've heard old cunning stagers
Say, fools for arguments use wagers.
And though I prais'd your valour, yet
I did not mean to baulk your wit, 100
Which, if you have, you must needs know
What, I have told you before now,
And you b' experiment have prov'd,
I cannot love where I'm belov'd.
Quoth Hudibras, 'Tis a caprich* 3W
Beyond the infliction of a witch ;
So cheats to play with tiiose still aim,
That do not understand the game.
Love in your heart as idly burns.
As fire in antique Roman urns,t 310
To warm the dead, and vainly light
Those only that see nothing by't.
Have you not power to entertain.
And render love for love again ?
As no man can draw in his breatli 315
At once, and force out air beneath.
Or do you love yourself so much,
To bear all rivals else a grutch ?
What fate can lay a greater curse,
Thau you upon yourself would force ; 320
For wedlock, without love, some say,
Is but a lock without a key.
It is a kind of rape to marry
One that neglects, or cares not for ye :
* A wliim or fancy ; from the Italian word capriccio.
t Fortuniiis Licetus wrote a large discourse concerning theso
urns, from whence Bishop Wilkins, in his Mathematical Me-
moirs, halh recited many particulars. In Camden's Description
of Yorkshire, a lamp is said to have been Ibund in the tomb of
Constantius Chlorus. An extraordinary one is mentioned by St.
Augustin, De Civitate Dei, 21, 6. Argyro est phanum Veneris
super mare : ibi est lucerna super candelabrum posita, lucens
ad mare sub divo coeli, nam neque ventus aspergit neque pluvia
extinguii. The story of the lamp in the sepulchre of Tullia, the
daughter of Cicero, which was supposed to have burnt above
1550 years, is told by Pancirollus and others ; sed credat Jud.TUs.
M. le Prince de St. Severe accounts for the appearance on philo-
sophical principles, in a pamphlet published at Naples, 1753.
" Je crois," says he, " d'avoir convaincu d'etre fabuleuse I'opin-
" ion des lampes perpetuelles des anciens. Les lumieres
" imaginaires, que Ton a vu quelqnefois dans les anciens sepul-
" cres, one 6t6 produites par le subite ascension des sels qui
" y 6toient renferm6es." He should rather have said, by in-
flammable air, so frequently generated in pits and caverns. This
supposition is confirmed by a letter of Jerome Giordano to the
noble author, dated Lucera, Sept. 10, 1753. giving a curious ac
count of an ancient sepulchre opene. there in that year.
190 HUDIBRAS. fFART n
For what does make it ravishment, 325
But b'ing against the mind's consent ?
A rape, that is the more inhuman.
For being acted by a woman
Why are you fair, but to entice us
To love you, tliat you may despise us ? 330
But though you cannot love, you say.
Out of your own fantastic way,*
Why should you not, at least, allow
Those that love you, to do so too :
For, as you fly me, and pursue 333
Love more averse, so I do you ;
And am, by your own doctrine, taught
To practise what you call a fault.
Quoth she. If what you say be true,
You must tly me, as I do you ; 340
But 'tis not what we do, but say.
In love, and preaching, that must sway.
Quoth he. To bid me not to love.
Is to forbid my pulse to move.
My beard to grow, my ears to prick up, 345
Or, when I'm in a fit, to hickup :
Command me to piss out the moon.
And 'twill as easily be done.
Love's power's too great to be withstood
By feeble human flesh and blood. 350
'Twas he that brought upon his knees
The hect'ring kill-cow Hercules ;
Reduc'd his leaguer-lion's skin
T' a petticoat,t and made him spin :
* It has generally been printed fanatic ; but, I believe, most
readers will approve of Dr. Grey's alteration. It agrees better
with the sense, and with what she says afterwards :
Yet 'tis no fantastic pique
I have to love, nor coy dislike.
Though fanatic sometimes signifies mad, irrational, absurd ;
thus Juvenal, iv. :
ut fanaticus a:stro,
Percussus, Bellona, tuo
t Leaguer signifies a siege laid to a town ; it seems to be also
used for a pitched or standing camp : a leaguer coat is a sort of
watch cloak, or coat used by soldiers when they are at a siege,
or upon duty. Hudibras here speaks of the lion's skin as Her-
cules's leaguer, or military habit, his campaign coat. See Skin-
ner's Lexicon : art. Leaguer. Ltena, in Latin, is by Ainsworth
translated a soldier's leaguer coat. Hercules changed clothes
With Omphale. Ovid. Fasti, li.
Cultibus Alciden instruit ilia suis.
Dat tenues tunicas Ga;tulo murice tinctas;
Ipsa capit clavamque gravem, spoliumque leotiis.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 191
Seiz'd on his club and made it dwindle* 355
T' a feeble distaff, and a spindle.
'Twas he made emperors gallants
To their own sisters, and their aunts ;
Set popes and cardinals agog,
To play with pages at leap-frog ;t 360
'Twas he that gave our senate purges.
And flux'd the house of many a burgess ;t
Made those that represent the nation
Submit, and suffer amputation :
And all the grandees o' th' cabal, 365
Adjourn to tubs, at spring and fail.
He mounted synod-men, and rode 'em
To Durty-lane and little Sodom ;
Made 'em curvet, like Spanisli gennets.
And take the ring at madam .§ 370
'Twas he that made Saint Francis do
More than the devil could tempt him to ;||
In oold and frosty weather grow
Enamour'd of a wife of snow ;
And though she were of rigid temper, 375
With melting flames accost and tempt he' ;
Which, after in enjoyment quenching
He hung a garland on his pygine "if
Quoth she, If Icve rJave these effects,
Why is it not fcioid our sex? 380
Why is't !jot damn'd, and interdicted,
For dij^bolical and wicked ?
Aiia sung, as out of tune, against,
* Mffionias inter calathum tenuisse piiellas
Diceris ; et dnminae pertiranisse niinas.
Non fugis, Alcide, victiicein mille laborutn
Rasilibus caiathis imposuisse nianum 1
Crassaque robusto deducis pollice flla,
^quaque formosae pensa rependis hers.
Ovid. Epist. Dejanira Herculi.
t Cardinal Casa, archbishop of Beneventum, was accused of
having written some Italian verses, in his youth, in praise of
sodomy
I This alludes to Oliver Cromwell turning the members out
of the house of commons, and calling Harry Martin and Sir Pe-
ter Wentworth whoremasters. Echard's History of England,
vol. ii. p. 275.
$ The Tatler mentions a lady of this stamp, called Bennet.
Ii In the legend of the life of St. Francis, we are told, that be-
ing tempted by the devil in the shape of a virgin, he subdued
his passion, by embracing a pillar of snow.
IT In the history of the life of Lewis XIII. by James Howell,
Esq., p. 80, it is said, that the French horsemen who were killed
at the Isle of Rhe, had their mistresses' favors tied about their
engines.
192 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
As Turk and Pope are by the saints ?*
I find, I've greater reason for it, 383
Than I believ'd before t' abhor it.
Quoth Hudibras, these sad effects
Spring from your heathenish neglects
Of love's great pow'r, which he returns
Upon yourselves with equal scorns ; 390
And those who worthy lovers slight,
Plagues with prepost'rous appetite ;
This made the beauteous queen of Crete
To take a town-bull for her sweet ;t
And from her greatness stoop so low, 395
To bo the rival of a cow.
Others, to prostitute their great hearts.
To be baboons' and monkeys' sweet-hearts.
Some with the dev'l himself in league grow,
By's representative a negro ; 400
'Twas this made vestal maids love-sick,
And venture to be buried quick.t
Some by their fathers and their brothers, §
To be made mistresses, and mothers.
'Tis this that proudest dames enamours 405
On lacquies, and varlets-des-chambres ;1|
Their haughty stomachs overcomes,
* Perhaps the saints were fond of Robert Wisdom's hymn :
'• Preserve lis, Lord, by thy dear word —
" From Turlc and Pope, defend us, Lord."
t Pasiphag, the wife of Minos, was in love with a man, whose
name was Taurus, or bull.
t By the Roman law the vestal virgins were bnried alive, if
they broke their vow of chastity.
5 jMyrrha patrem, sed non quo filia debet, amavit.
Ovid, de Arte Am. i. 285.
II Varlet was formerly used in the same sense as valet : per-
haps our poet might please himself with the meaning given to
this word in later days, when it came to denote a rogue. The
word knave, which now signifies a cheat, formerly meant no
more than a servant. Thus, in an old translation of St. Paul's
Epistles, and in Dryden. Mr. Butler, in his Posthumous Works,
uses the word varlet for bunibaililf, though I dn not find it in this
sense in any dictionary. See Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. ii.
pp. 81, and 171. Thus fur in Latin :
Quid domini faciant, audent cum talia fures.
Virg. Eel. iii. 16.
Exilis domus est, ubi nou et multa supersunt,
Et dominum fallunt, et prosunt furibus.
Hor. Epist. lib. i. 6, 45.
This passage is quoted by Fiutarcn in the life of LucuUas.
Canto i.J HUDIBRAS. I93
And makes 'em stoop to dirty grooms,
To slight tlie world, and to disparage
Claps, issue, infamy, and marriage.* 410
Quoth she, These judgments are eevere,
Yet such as I should rather bear,
Than trust men with their oaths, or prove
Their faith and secrecy in love.
Says he. There is a weighty reason 413
Fore secrecy in love as treason.
Love is a burglarer, a felon.
That iu the windore-eye does steal int
To rob the heart, and, with his prey.
Steals out again a closer way, 420
Which whosoever can discover,
He's sure, as he deserves, to suffer.
Love is a fire, that burns and sparkles
In men, as nat'rally as in charcoals,
Which sooty chymists stop iu holes, 425
When out of wood they extract coals ;t
So lovers should their passions choke,
That tho' they burn, they may not smoke.
'Tis like that sturdy thief that stole,
And dragg'd beasts backward into's hole ;§ 430
So love does lovers, and us men
Draws by the tails into his den.
That no impression may discover,
And trace t' his cave the wary lover
But if you doubt I should reveal 435
* That is, to slight the opinion of the world, and to undertake
the want of issue and marriage on the one hand, and the acqui-
sition of claps and infamy on the other: or perhaps the poet
meant a bitter sneer on matrimony, by saying love makes them
submit to the embraces of their inferiors, and consequently to
disregard four principal evils of such connections, disease, child-
bearing, disgrace, and marriage.
t Thus it is spelt in most editions, and perhaps most agreeably
to the etymology. See Skinner.
t Charcoal colliers, in order to keep their wood from blazing
when it is in the pit, cover it carefully with turf and mould.
^ Cacus, a noted robber, who, when he had stolen cattle, drew
them backward by their tails into his den, lest they should be
traced and discovered :
At furiis Caci mens effera, ne quid inausum
Aut intractatum scelerisve dolive fuisset,
Quatuor a stabulis prajstanti corpore tauros
Avertit, totidem forma superante juvencas;
Atque hos, ne qua forent pedibus vestigia rectis,
Cauda, in spelnncam tractos, versisque viarutn
Indiciis raptos, saxo occultabat ipaco.
iEneis viii. SOSi.
9
194 HUDIBilAS, IPiRT n
What you entrust me under seal,
I'll prove myself as close and virtuous
As your own secretary, Albertus.*
Quotli she, I grant you may be close
In hiding what your aims propose : 440
Love-passions are like parables.
By which men still mean something else :
Tho' love be all the world's pretence,
Money's the mythologic sense,
The real substance of the shadow, 44i
Which all address and courtship's m&de to.
Thought he, I understand your play,
And how to quit you your own way ;
H? that will win his dame, must do
As Love does, when he bends his bow ; 450
With one hand thrust the lady from,
And with the other pull her home.t
I grant, quoth he, wealth is a great
Provocative to am'rous heat:
It is all philtres and high diet, 455
That makes love rampant, and to fly out :
'Tis beauty always in the flower.
That buds and blossoms at fourscore :
'Tis that by which the sun and moon,
At their own weapons are out-done :t 460
* Albertus Magnus was bishop of Ratisbon, about the year
12R0, and wrote a book, entitled, De Secretis Mulierura. Hence
the poet facetiously calls him the women's secretary. It was
printed at Amsterdam, in the year 1643, with another silly book,
entitled, Michaeiis Scoti de Secretis Natura Opus.
t The Harleian Miscellany, vol. vi. p. 530, describes an inter-
view between I'erkin Warbeck and lady Catharine Gordon,
which may serve as no improper specimen of this kind of dalli-
ance. " If I prevail," says he, " let this kiss seal up the con-
" tract, and this kiss bear witness to the indentures ; and this
" kiss, because one witness is not sufficient, consummate the
"assurance. — And so, with a kind of reverence and fashionable
*' gesture, after he had kissed her thrice, he took her in both his
"hands, crosswise, and gazed upon her, with a kind of putting
"her from him and pulling her to him ; and so again and again
" rekissed her, and set her in her place, with a pretty manner
" of enforcement."
J Gold and silver a7e marked by the sun and moon in chem-
istry, as they were supposed to be mone immediately under the
influence of those luminaries. Thus Chaucer, in tlie Chanoaea
Yemannes Tale, 1. 16293, ed. Tyrwhitt:
The bodies sevene eke, lo hem here anon •
Sol gold is, and Luna silver, we threpe,
Mars iren, Mercurie quicksilver we clepe,
Saturnus led, and Jupiter is tin.
And Venus coper, by my fader kin.
The appropriation of certain metals to the seven planels re
Canto i.] 'ftUDIBRAS. 195
That makes knights-errant fall in trances,
And lay about 'em in romances :
'Tis virtue, wit, and worth, and all
That men divine and sacred call :*
For what is worth in any thing, 463
But so much money as 'twill bring?
Or what but riches is there known,
Which man can solely call his own ;
In which no creature goes his half.
Unless it be to squint and lajigh ? 470
I do confess, with goods and land,
I'd have a wife at second hand ;
And such you* are : nor is't your person
My stomach's set so sharp and fierce on ;
But 'tis your better part, your riches, 475
That my enamour'd heart bewitches:
Let me your fortune but possess.
And settle your person how you please ;
Or make it o'er in trust to the devil,
You'll find me reasonable and civil. 480
Quotii she, I like this plainness better
Than false mock-passion, speech or letter,
Or any feat of qualm or swooning.
But hanging of yourself, or drowning ;
Your only way with me to break 485
Your mind, is breaking of your neck :
For as when merchants break, o'erthrown
Like nine-pins, they strike others down ;
So that would break my heart ; which done,
My tempting fortune is your own. 490
These aie but trifles ; ev'ry lover
Will damn himself over and over,
And greater matters undertake
For a less worthy mistress' sake :
Yet th' are the only ways to prove 495
Th' unfeign'd realities of love ;
For he that hangs, or beats out's brains,
The devil's in him if he feigns.
Quoth Hudibras, This way's too rough
For mere experiment and proof; 500
Bpectively, may be traced rxs high as Proclus, in the fifth century,
and perhaps is still more ancient. This point is discussed by
La Croze. See Fabric. Biblioth. Gr. vol. vi. p. 793. The splen
dor of gold is more refulgent than the rays of the sun and moon
• Et genus, et formam, regina pecunia donat ;
Ac bene nummatum decorat Suadela, Venusqne.
Horat. Ep. i. 6, 37.
196 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
It is no jesting, trivial matter,
To swing i' th' air, or plunge in water,
And, like a water-witch, try love ;*
That's to destroy, and not to prove :
As if a man should he dissected, 5CS
To find what part is disaffected :
Your better way is to make over,
In trust, your fortune to your lover ;
Trust is a trial ; if it break,
'Tis not so desp'rate as a neck : 510
Beside, th' experiment's more certain.
Men venture necks to gain a fortune ;
The soldier does it every day,
Eight to the week, for sixpence pay:t
Your pettifoggers damn tlieir souls, 515
To share with knaves in cheating fools :
And merchants, vent'ring through the main.
Slight pirates, rocks, and horns, for gain.
This is the way I advise you to,
Trust me, and see what I will do. 520
Quoth she, I should be loth to run
Myself all th' hazard, and you none ;
Which must be done, unless some deed
Of your's aforesaid do precede ;
Give but yourself one gentle swing,! 525
* It was usual, when an old woman was suspected of witch-
craft, to throw her into the water. If she swam, she was judged
guilty ; if she sunk, she preserved her character, and only lost
her life.
t No comparison can be made between the evidence arising
from each experiment ; for as to venturing necks, it proves no
great matter ; it is done every day by the soldier, pettifogger, and
merchant. If the soldier lias only sixpence a day, and one day's
pay is reserved weekly for stoppages, he may be said to make
eight days to the week; adding that to the account of labor
which is deducted from his pay. Percennins, the mutinous sol
dier in Tacitus, seems to have been sensible of some such hard
ship — Denis in diem assibus animam et corpus aestiraari; hinc
vestem, arnia, tentoria; hinc sa;vitiam centurlonura, et vaca-
tiones munerum redirai. Annal. i. 17.
t "Epura vaiei Xiiid;, cl 6i nfi, xp^vo; :
'Euv 6i fi'q 6e Taura Trjv (l>\6ya aSiat],
Ocpaircia coi to Xoittov rjoTrjadu) fipdxoi.
Anthol. Gr. 23, ed. Aid
In Diogenes Laertius cum notis Meibora. p. 356, it is thoa
printed :
"Epura T^aici Xi/j(5y, el Si yiri xpivo;,
'Edv 6i TovToi; /ifi Svvp xp^ffSat, ^pdxoi
See lines 485 and also 645 o/ Ihis canto, where the word Atfitfj
U turned into dry diet.
Canto i.l HUDIBRAS 197
For trial, and I'll cut the string:
Or give that rev'rend head a maul,
Or two, or three, against a wall ;
To shew you are a man of mettle.
And I'll engage myself to settle. 530
Quoth he. My head's not made of brass,
As Friar Bacon's noddle was ;
Nor, like the Indian's skull, so tough.
That, authors say, 'twas musket-proof:*
As it had need to be to enter, 535
As yet, on any new adventure ;
You see what bangs it has endur'd.
That would, before new feats, be cur'd ;
But if that's all you stand upon.
Here strike me luck, it shall be done.t 540
Quoth she, The matter's not so far gone
As you suppose, two words t' a bargain ;
That may be done, and time enough.
When you have given downright proof:
And yet 'tis no fantastic pique 545
I have to love, nor coy dislike ;
'Tis no implicit, nice aversiont
T' your conversation, mien, or person :
But a just fear, lest you should prove
False and perfidious in love ; 550
For if I thought you could bo true,
I could love twice as much as you.
*" Blockheads and loggerheads are in request in Brazil, and
" helmets are of little use, every one having an ariificial-
" ized natural morion of liis head : for the Brazilians' heads,
" some of them are as hard as the wood that grows in their
*' country, for they cannot be broken, and they have them so
" hard, that ours, in comparison of theirs, are like a pompion,
" and when they would injure any white man, they call him
"softhead." Bulwer's Artificial Changeling, p. 42, and Pur-
chas's Pilgr. fol. vol. iii. p. 993.
t Percutere et ferire foedus.
OTrovias Ttfivsiv KoX hoKia. KuRip.
At the conclusion of treaties a beast was generally sacrificed.
When butchers and country people make a bargain, one of the
parties holds out in his hand a piece of money, which the other
strikes, and the bargain is closed Callimachus Urunck. i. 464,
epig. xiv. 5. tvto ioKu), &c.
[ Y. L. Come strike me luck with earnest, and draw the wri-
tings.
M. There's a God's penny foi thee.
Beaumont and Flex;her. — Scornful Lady, Act ii.]
X Implicit here signifies secret, unaccountable, or an aversion
eonceived from the report of others. See P i. c. i. v. 130.
198 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
Quotli he, My faith as adamantine,
As chains of destiny, I'll maintain ;
True as Apollo ever spoke, 55S
Or oracle from heart of oak ;*
And if you'll give my flame but vent.
Now in close hugger-mugger pent,
And shine upon me but benignly,
With that one, and that other pigsney,t 5G0
The sun and day shall sooner part,
Than love, or you, shake off my heart :
The sun that shall no more dispense
His own, but your bright influence ;
I'll carve your name on barks of trees,t 565
With true love-knots, and flourishes ;
That shall infuse eternal spring,
And everlasting flourishing :
Drink every letter on't in stum.
And make it brisk champaign become ;§ 570
* Jupiter's oracle in Epirus, near the city of Dodona, Ubi ne-
mus erat Jovi sacrum, querneum totum. in quo Jovis DodontEi
teinpluin fuisse narratur.
t J'lgsney is a term of blandishment, from the Anglo-Saxon, or
Danish, piga, a pretty girl, or the eyes of a pretty lass : thus in
Pembroke's Arcadia, Dametas says to his wife, " Miso, mine own
pigsnie." To love one's mistress more than one's eyes, is a phrase
used by all nations: thus Moschus in Greek, Catullus in Latin ;
Spenser, in his Fairy Q.ueen :
her eyes, sweet smiling in deliglit,
Moystened their fiery beams, with which she thriU'd
Frail hearts, yet quenched not ; like starry light,
Wliich sparkling on the silent waves, does seem more bright.
Thus the Italian poets, Tasso and Ariosto. Tyrwhitt says, in
a note on Chaucer's Miller's Tale, v. 3268, "the Romans used
oculus, as a term of endearment ; and perhaps piggesnie, in bur-
lesque poetry, means ocellus porci, the eyes of a pig being re-
markably sm:'.ll."
t See Don Quixote, vol. i. ch. 4, and vol. iv. ch. 73.
Populus est, memini, fluviali consita ripa,
Est in qua nostri littera scripta memor.
Popule, Vive precor, qus consita margine ripae
Hoc in rugoso cortice carmen habes ;
Cum Paris Qinone poterit spirare relicta,
Ad fontem Xanlhi versa recurret aqua.
Ovid. CEnone Paridi. 25.
[Run, run, Orlando ; carve on every tree,
The fair, the chaste, and unexpressive she.
As you like it.]
§ Strim, i. e. any new, thick, unferniented liquor, from the Lat-
in mustum. Dr. Johnson, in his Dictionary, has quoted these
lines to prove that stum may signify wine revived by a new fer-
mentation : but, perhaps, it means no more than figuratively to
•ay, that the remembrance of the widow's charms could tiirn
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 199
Whate'er you tread, your foot shall set
The primrose and the violet ;
All spices, perfumes, and sweet powders,
Shall borrow from your breath their odours ;
Nature her charter shall renew, 575
And take all lives of things from you ;
The world depend upon your eye.
And when you frown upon it, die.
Only our loves shall still survive.
New worlds and natures to outlive ; 580
And like to herald's moons, remain
All crescents, without change or wane.
Hold, hold, quoth she, no more of this,
Sir knight, you take your aim amiss :
For you will find it a hard chapter, 585
To catch me with poetic rapture.
In which your mastery of art
Doth show itself, and not your heart ; •
Nor will you raise in mine combustion,
By dint of high heroic fustian :* 590
bad wine into good, foul muddy wine into clear sparkling chaai-
paigne. It was usual, among the gallants of Butler's time, to
drink as many bumpers to their mistress's health, as there were
letters in her name. The custom prevailed among the Romans ;
thus the well-known epigram of Blartial ;
Naevia sex cyathis, septem Justina bibatur,
Quinque Lycas, Lyde quatuor, Ida tribus. — Ep. i. 72.
For every letter drink a glass.
That spells the name you fancy,
Take four, if Suky be your lass.
And five if it be Nancy.
The like compliment was paid to a particular friend or bene-
i ctor:
Det nunierum cyathis Instant! littera Rufi :
Auctor enim tantl muneris ille mihi. — Mart. epig. viii. 51.
Mr. Sandys, in his Travels, says, this custom is still much
practised by the merry Greeks, in the Morca, and other parts of
the Levant.
EyxM AvadiKTis Kvddvi StKa. lib. vii. Anthol.
• In Butler's MS. I find the following lines
In foreign universities,
When a king's horn, or weds, or dies,
All other studies are laid by,
And all apply to poetry.
Some write in Hebrew, some in Greek,
And some more wise in Arabic ;
T' avoid the critique, and th' expence
Ot ditEculter wit and sense.
Foreign land is often used by Mr. Butler for England So*
Genuine Remains.
sou IIUDIBRAS [Part a
She that with poetry is won,
Is but a desk to write upon ;
As no edge can be sharp and keen,
That by the subtlest eye is seen :
So no wit sri'ould acute b' allovv'd
That's easy to be understood.
For poets sing, though more speak plaia.
As those that quote their works maintain;
And no man's bound to any thing
lie does not say, but only sing.
For, since the good Confessor's time,
No deeds are valid, writ in rhyme ;
Nor any held authentic acts,
Seal'd with the tooth upon the wax :
For men did then so freely deal,
Their words were deeds, and teeth a seal.
The following grants are said to be authentic; but whethei
they are or not, they are probably what the poet alludes to : —
• Charter of Edward the Confessor.
IcHE Edward Konyng,
Have geovenof my forest the keeping,
Of the hundred of Chelmer and Daneing, [now Den-
gy, in Essex.]
To Randolph Peperking and to his kindling,
With heorte and hynde, doe and bock,
Hare and I'o.x, cat and brock, [badger]
Wild foule with his flocke,
Patrick, fesaunte hen, and fesaunte cock;
With green and wilde stobb and stokk, [timber and
stubbs of trees]
To kepen, and to yeomen by all her might, [their]
Both by day, and eke by night.
And hounds for to holde,
Gode swift and bolde.
Four Greyhounds and si.x beaches, [bitch hounds]
For hare and fox, and wilde cattes
And thereof ich made him my bocke [i. e. this
deed my written evidence]
Wittenes the Bishop Wolston,
And buche ycleped many on. [witness]
And Sweyne of Esse.x, our brother,
And token hin many other,
And our steward Howelin
That besought me for him.
[Six beaches. — This line, as quoted by Stcevens in a note to the
Introduction to the Taming of the Slirew, runs thus. Four Grey-
hounds and six hrntches. which must be the correct read ng, as
may he gathered ixum the following quotations from Mii^shew
and Uucange, unnoticeil by the Shakspeare Commentators, in
their numerous notes on the word, and their doubts on its gen-
der. A bracke, a little hound. — Minshew. Bracetus, brachetus,
vulgo bracket. Charta Hen. II. tom. 2, Monast. Angl. p. 283.
Concedo eis 2 leporarios et 4 bracetos ad leporem capiendum.
Consiit. Feder. Ileg. Sicil. c. 115. Ut, nuUus .... pra-sumal
canem braccum videlicet, vel leporarium .... alterius furto
«ubtrahere.]
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 201
And what men say of her, they mean
No more than that on which they lean.
Some with Arabian spices strive, 595
T' embalm her cruelly alive ;
Or season her; as French cooks use
Their haut-gouts, bouillies, or ragouts ;
Use her so barbarously ill.
To grind her lips upon a mill * 600
Until the facet doublet doth
Fit their rhymes rather than her mouth ;+
Her mouth compar'd t' an oyster's, with
A row of pearl in"t, 'stead of teeth ;
Bock, in Saxon, is book, or written evidence ; this land was
therefore held as bocland, a noble tenure in strict entail, that
could not be alienated from the right heir.
Hopton, in the County of Salop,
To the Heyrs Male of the Hopton, lawfully begotten.
From me and from myne, to thee and to thine,
While the water runs, and the sun doth shine,
For lack of heyrs to the king againe.
I William, king, the third year of my reign,
Give to the Norman hunter.
To me that art both line and deare, [related, or of my lineage]
The Hop and the Hoptoune,
And all the bounds up and downe
Under the earth to hell.
Above the earth to heaven.
From me, and from myne.
To thee and to thyne ;
As good and as faire.
As ever they myne were ;
To witness that this is sooth, [truej
I bite the wite wax with my tooth,
Before Jugg, Marode, and Margery,
And my third son Henery,
For one bow, and dhe broad arrow,
When I come to hunt upon Yarrow.
Thisgrant of William the Conqueror, is in John Stovv's Chron-
icle, and in Blount's Antient Tenures. Other rhyming charters
may be seen in Morant's Essex ; Little Dunmow, vol. ii. p. 429,
and at Rochford, vol. 1. p. '272.
* As they do by comparing her lips to rubies polished by a
mill, which is in effect, and no better, than to grind by a mill,
and that until those false stones (for, when all is done, lips are
not true rubies) do plainly appear to have been brought in by
them as rather befitting the absurdity of their rhymes, than that
there is really any propriety in the comparison between her lips
and rubies.
t Poets and romance writers have not been very scrupulous in
the choice of metaphors, when they represented the beauties of
their mistresses. Facets are precious stones, ground a la facette.
or with many faces, that they may have the greater lustre
Doublets are crystals joined together with a cement, green or
red, in order ta resemble stones of that color.
9*
202 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
Others make poesies of her cheeksj 6U5
Where red, and whitest colours mix ;
In which the hly and the rose,
For Indian lake and ceruse goes.
The sun and moon, by her bright eyes,
Eclips'd and darken'd in the skies ; 610
Are but black patches that she wears.
Cut into suns, and moons, and stars,*
By which astrologers, as well
As those in heav'n above) can tell
Wha; strange events they do foreshow, 615
Unto her under-world below.t
Her voice the music of the spheres,
So loud, it deafens mortal ears ;
As wise philosophers have thought.
And that's the cause we hear it not.t 620
This has been done by some, who those
Th' ador'd in rhyme, would kick in prose ;
And in those ribbons would have hung,
Of which melodiously they sung.§
That have the hard fate to write best, 625
Of those that still desei-ve it least "jH
It matters not, how false or forc'd,
So the best things be said o' th' worst ;
* The ladies formerly were very fond of wearing a great num
ber of black patches on their faces, and, perhaps, might amuse
themselves in devising the shape of them. This fashion is al
luded to in Sir Kenelm Digby's discourse on the sympathetic
powder, and ridiculed in the Spectator, No. 50. But the poet
here alludes to Dr. Bulwer's Artificial Changeling, p. 2i2, &c.
t A double entendre.
t "Pythagoras," saith Censorinus, "asserted, that this world
"is made according to musical propqajon ; and that the seven
" planets, betwixt heaven and earth, \^ich govern the nativities
"of mortals, have an harmonious motion, and render various
'"sounds according to their several heights, so consonant, that
" they make most sweet melody, but to us inaudible, because of
" the greatness of the noise, which the narrow passage of our
"ears is not capable to receive." Stanley's Life of Pythagoras,
p. 393.
$ Thus Waller on a girdle :
Give me but what this riband bound.
!| Warburton was of opinion that Butler alluded to one of Mr.
Waller's poems on Saccharissa, where he complains of her un-
kindness. Others suppose, that he alludes to Mr. Waller's
poems on Oliver Cromwell, and King Charles II. The poet's
reply to the king, when he reproached him with having written
best in praise of Oliver Cromwell, is known to everyone. " We
" poets," says he, " succeed better in fiction than in truth." But
this passage seems to relate to ladies and love, not to kings and
politics.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 203
It goes for nothing when 'tis said,
Only the arrow's drawn to th' head, 630
Whether it be the swan or goose
They level at : so shepherds use
To set the same mark on the hip.
Both of their sound and rotten sheep :
For wits that carry low or wide, 63^
Must be aim'd higher, or beside
The mark, which else they ne'er come nigh,
But when they take their aim awry.*
But I do wonder you should chuse
This way t'attack me with your muse. tJ40
As one cut out to pass your tricks on,
With Fulham's of poetic fiction :t
I rather hop'd I should no more
Hear from you o' th' gallanting score ;
For hard dry bastings use to prove 045
The readiest remedies of love,t
Next a dry diet ; but if those fail,
Yet this uneasy loop-hol'd jail,
In which y' are hamper'd by the fetlock.
Cannot but put y' in mind of wedlock : 650
Wedlock, that's worse than any hole here,
If that may serve you for a cooler
T' allay your mettle, all agog
Upon a wife, the heavier clog.
* An allusion to gunnery. In Butler's MS. Conimon-p'.ite book
eie the following lines :
Ingenuity, or wit,
Does only th' owner fit '
For nothing, l|ut to be undone.
For nature never gave to mortal yet,
A free and arbitrary power of wit :
But bound him to his good behaviour for't,
That he should never use it to do hurt.
Wit does but divert men from the road,
In which things vulgarly are understood ;
Favours mistake, and ignorance, to own
A better sense than commonly is known.
Most men are so unjust, they look upon
Another's wit as enemy t' their owa.
t That is, with cheats or impositions. Fulham was a can
word for a false die, many of them being made at that place
The high dice were loaded so as to come up 4, 5, 6, and the low
ones 1, 2. 3. Frequently mentioned in Butler's Genuine Ee
mains.
t 'EpuTo iraii*! A(/i(5f, &c. See note on line 525.
204 IIUDIBRAS. [Part u
Nor rather thank your gentler fate,* 655
That, for a bruis'd or broken pate.
Has freed you from those knobs that grow
Much harder on the niarry'd brow :
But if no dread can cool your courage,
From vent'ring on that dragon, marriage ; 660
Yet give me quarter, and advancet
To nobler aims your puissance ;
Level at beauty and at wit ;
The fairest mark is easiest hit.t
Quoth Hudibras, I am beforehand 661
In that already, with your command ;§
For where does beauty and high wit
But in your constellation meet?
Quoth she, What does a match imply,
But likeness and equality ? .670
I know you cannot think me fit
To be th' yokefellow of your wit ;
Nor take one of so mean deserts.
To be the jjartner of your parts ;
A grace which, if I cou'd believe, 675
I've not the conscience to receive.||
That conscience, quoth Hudibras,
Is misinform'd : I'll state the case.
A man may be a legal donor
Of any thing whereof he's owner, 680
And may confer it where he lists.
* That is, and not rather: this depends upon v. 039,40,41,42.
All the intermediate verses from thence to this heing, as it were,
in a parenthesis : the sense is. But I do wonder — t' attack nie,
and shnuUI not rather thanl< —
t The widow here pretends, she would have him quit his
pursuit of her, and aim hifiher; namely, at beauty and wit.
i The reader will observe the ingenious equivocation, or the
double meaning of the word fairest.
§ Where one word ends with a vowel, and the next begins
with a w, immediately followed by a vowel, or where one word
ends with w, inmiediately preceded bya vowel, and the ne.\t be-
gins with a vowel, the poet either leaves them as two syllables,
or contracts them Into one. as best suits his verse; thus in the
passape before us, and in P. iii. c. i. v. 1501, and P. iii. c. ii. v.
3.39, these are contractions in the first case ; and P. iii. c. i. v.
804, in the latter case.
11 Our poet uses the word conscience here as a word of two
syllables, and in the ne.\t line as a word of three ; thus in Part
i. c. i. V. 78, ratiocination is a word of five syllables, and in other
places of four: in the first it is a treble rhyme. [In the first in-
stance, conscience means only self-opinion ; in the second, Hu-
dibras marks it as meaning knowledge, by making it a trisylla
Me, [covscience,) and places it in ludicrous opposition to mi^iin
fcnned.J
Taoto I.] HUDIBRAS. ^05
I' th' judgment of all casuists :
Then wit, and parts, and valour may
Be ali'uated, and made away,
By those that are proprietors, 683
As I may give or sell my horse.
Quoth she, I grant the case is true,
And proper 'twixt your horse and you ;
But whether I may take, as well
As you may give away, or sell ? 690
Buyers, you know, are bid beware ;
And worse than thieves receivers are.
How shall I answer hue and cry.
For a roan-gelding, twelve hands high,*
All spurr'd and switch'd, a lock on's hoof,t 695
A sorrel mane ? Can I bring proof
Where, when, by whom, and what y' are sold for,
And in the open market toU'd for ?
Or, should I take you for a stray,
You must be kept a year aud day, 700
Ere I can own you, here i' th' pound,
Where, if ye're sought, you may be found ;
And in the mean time I must pay
For all your provender and hay.
Quoth he. It stands me much upon 705
T' enervate this objection.
And prove myself, by topic clear.
No gelding, as you would infer.
Loss of virility's averr'd
To be the cause of loss of beard, t 710
That does, like embrj'o in the womb.
Abortive on the chin become :
This first a woman did invent,
In envy of man's ornament :
Semiramis of Babylon, 715
Who first of all cut men o' th' stone, §
* This Is a severe reflection upon the knight's abilities, his
complexion, and his height, which the widow intimates was not
more than four feet.
t There is humor in the representation which the widow
makes of the linight, under the similitude of a roan gelding,
supposed to be stolen, or to have strayed. Farmers often put
locks on the fore-feet of their horses, to prevent their being
stolen.
t See the note on line 143 of this canto.
^ Mr. Butier, in his ou'n note, says, Semiramis teneros mares
castravit onmium prima, and quotes Anmiian. Marcellinus. But
the poet means to laugh at Dr. Bulvver, who in his Artificial
Changeling, scene 31, has many strange stories ; and in page 2)^
206 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
To mar their beards, and laid foundation
Of sow-geldering operation :
Look on this beard, and tell me whether
Eunuchs wear such, or geldings either? '"SO
Next it appears I am no horse,
That I can argue and discourse.
Have but two legs, and ne'er a tail.
Quoth slie, That nothing will avail ;
For some philosophers of late here, 725
Write men have four legs by nature,*
And that 'tis custom makes them go
Erroneously upon but two.
As 'twas in Germany made good,
B' a boy that lost himself in a wood ; 730
And growing down t' a man, was wont
With wolves upon all four to hunt.
As for your reasons drawn from tails,t
We cannot say they're true or false.
Till you explain yourself, and show 735
B' experiment, 'tis so or no.
Quoth he. If you'll join issue on't,t
I'll give you sat'sfact'ry account.
So you will promise, if you lose.
To settle all, and be my spouse. 740
That never shall be done, quoth she,
To one that wants a tail, by me ;
For tails by nature sure were meant,
As well as beards, for ornament ;§
says, " Nature gave to mankind a beard, that it might remain an
" index in the lace of the masculine eenerative faculty."
* Sir Kenelni Digby, in his book of Bodies, has the well-known
story of the wild German boy, who went upon all-four, was
overgrown with hair, and lived among the wild beasts, the credi-
bility and truth of which he endeavors to establish. See also
Tatler, No. 103. Some modern writers are said to have the same
conceit. The second line here quoted seems to want half a
foot, but it may be made right by the old way of spelling four,
fovver, or reading as in the edition of 1709 :
Write that men have four legs by nature.
t See Fontaine, Conte de la jument du compere Pierre.
X That is, rest the cause upon this point.
^ Mr. Butler here alludes to Dr. Bulwer's Artificial Change-
ling, p. 410, where, besides the story of the Kentish men near
Rochester, he gives an account, from an honest young man of
Captain Morris's company, in Lieutenant-general Ireton's regi-
ment, " that at Cashell, in the county of Tipperary, in the prov-
"ince of Munster, in Carrick Patrick church, seated on a rock,
"stormed by Lord Inchequin, where there were near 700 put to
" the sword, and none saved but the mayor's wife, and his son ;
" there were found among the slain of the Irish, when they
" ♦ere stripped, diverse that had tails near a quarter of a yard
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 207
And tho' the vulgar count them homely ; 745
In men or beast they are so comely.,
So gentee, alamode, and handsome,
I'll never marry man that wants one :
And 'till you can demonstrate plain,
You have one equal to your mane, 750
I'll be torn piece-meal by a horse,
Ere I'll take you for better or worse
The Prince of Cambay's daily food
Is asp, and basilisk, and toad,*
Which makes him have so strong a breath, 755
Each night he stinks a queen to death ;
Yet I shall rather lie in's arms
Than your's, on any other terms.
Quoth he. What nature can afford
I shall produce, upon my word ; 760
And if she ever gave that boon
To man, I'll prove that I have one ;
I mean by postulate illation,t
When you shall offer just occasion ;
But since ye've yet deny'd to give 7C5
My heart, your pris'ner, a reprieve.
But make it sink down to my heel.
Let that at least your pity feel ; •
And for the sufferings of your martyr,
Give its poor entertainer quarter ; 770
And by discharge, or mainprise, grant
Deliv'ry from this base restraint.
Quoth she, I grieve to see your leg
Stuck in a hole here like a peg,
And if I knew which way to do't, 775
Your honour safe, I'd let you out.
That dames by jail-delivery
Of errant knights have been set free,t
" long : forty soldiers, that were eye-witnesses, testified the same
" upon their oaths." He mentions likewise a similar tale of
many other nations.
* See Purchas's Pilgrim, vol. ii. p. 1495. Philosoph. Transac
tions, Ixvi. 314. Montaigne, b. i. Essay on Customs. A gross
double entendre runs through the whole of the widow's speech-
es, and likewise those of the knight. See T. W'lrton on English
Poetry, iii. p. 10.
t That is, by inference, necessary consequence, or presump-
tive evidence.
t These and the following lines are a banter upon romance
writers. Our author keeps Don Quixote constantly in his eye,
when he is aiming at this o!)ject. In Europe, the Spaniards and
the French engaged lirst in this kind of writing ; from tbem it
was communicated to the English.
208 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
When by enchantment they have been,
And sometimes for it too, laid in, 780
Is that which knights are bound to do
By order, oaths, and honour too ;*
For what are they renown'd and famous else,
But aiding of distressed damosels ?
But for a lady, no ways errant, 785
To free a knight, we have no warrant
In any authentical romance.
Or classic author yet of France ;t
And I'd be loth to have you break
An ancient custom for a freak, 7JP
Or innovation introduce
In place of things of antique use,
To free your heels by any course.
That might b' unwholesome to your spurs :t
Which if I could consent imto, 795
It is not in my pow'r to do ;
For 'tis a service must be done ye
With solemn previous ceremony ;
Which always has been us'd t' untie
The charms of those who here do lie ; 800
For as the ancients heretofore
To honour's temple had no door.
But that which thorough virtue's lay ; §
So from this dungeon there's no way
To honour's freedom, but by passing 805
That other virtuous school of lashing.
Where knights are kept in narrow lists,
With wooden lockets 'bout their wrists ;
In which they for a while are tenants,
And for their ladies suffer penance : 610
Whipping, that's virtue's governess,
Tutress of arts and sciences ;
That mends the gi-oss mistakes of nature.
* Their oath was — Vous defendrez les querrelles jusles de
toutes les liames d'honneur, de toules les veuves qui n'ont point
des amis, des orphelins, et des filles dont la leputation est cn-
tiere.
t In the Comitia Centuriata of the Romans, the class of no-
bility and senators voted first, and all other persons were styled
infra classeni. Hence their writers of the first rank were called
classics.
t To your honor. The spurs are badges of knighthood. If a
knight of the garter is degraded, his spurs must be hacked to
pieces by the king's conk.
§ The temple of Virtue and Honor was built by Marius ; tho
architect was Mutius ; it had no posticura. See Vitruvius, &c.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 209
And puts uew life into dull matter ;
That lays foundation for renown, 815
And all the honours of the gown.
This sufFer'd, they are set at large,
And freed with hon'rable discharge ;
Then, in their robes, the penitentials
Are straight presented with credentials,* 820
And in their way attended on
By magistrates of every town ;
And, all respect and charges paid.
They're to their ancient seats couvey'd.
Now if you'll venture for my sake, 625
To try the toughness of your back.
And suffer, as the rest have done.
The laying of a whipping on.
And may you prosper in your suit.
As you with equal vigour do't, 830
I here engage to be your bail.
And free you from th' unknightly jail:
But since our sex's modesty
Will not allow I should be by,
Bring me, on oath, a fair account, 835
And honour to, when you have done't ;
And I'll admit you to the place
You claim as due in my good grace.
If matrimony and hanging go
By dest'ny, why not whipping too? 840
What med'cine else can cure the fits
Of lovers, when they lose their wits ?
Love is a boy by poets styl'd,
Then spare the rod, and spoil the child :
A Persian emp'ror whipp'd his grannum, 845
The sea, his mother Venus came on ;t
And hence some rev'rend men approve
9 * This alludes to the acts of parliament, 33 Eliz. cap. 4, and 1
James I. c. 31, whereby vagrants are ordered to be whipped, and,
with a proper cerlificale, conveyed by the constables of the sev-
eral parishes to the place of their settlement. These acts are
In a great measure repealed by the 12th of Anne. Explained,
amended, and repealed by the 10th, 13th, and 17th George II.
t Spoil, or spill, as in some copies, from the Saxon, is fre
quently used by Chaucer, in the sense of, to ruin, to destroy.
Xerxes whipped the sea, which was the mother of Venus,
Und Venus was the mother of Cupid ; the sea, therefore, was
the grannum, or grand-mother of Cupid, and the object of impe-
rial fliigellation, when the winds and the waves were not favor
able and propitious to his fleets.
In Coruni atque Eurum solitus sa;vire flagellis
Barbarus — ~ Juven Sat. x. 180.
210 HUDIBRAS. [Part n,
Of rosemary in making love.*
As skilful coopers hoop their tubs
With Lydian and with Phrygian dubs,+ 850
Why may not whipping have as good
A grace, perform'd in time and mood :
With comely movement, and by art,
Raise passion in a lady's heart?
It is an easier way to make 855
Love by, than that which many take.
Who would not rather suffer whipping,
Than swallow toasts of bits of ribbin It
Make wicked verses, traits,§ and faces.
And spell names over with beer-glasses ?|1 860
Be under vows to hang and die
Ijove's sacrifice, and all a lie?
With China-oranges and tarts.
And whining-plays, lay baits for hearts ?
Bribe chambermaids with love and money, 865
To break no roguish jests upon ye ?ir
For lilies limn'd on cheeks, and roses,
* Venns came from the sea ; hence the poet supposes some
connection with the word rosemary, or ros maris, dew of the sea.
Rev'rend in the preceding line means ancient, or old: it is used
in this sense by Pope, in his Epistles to Lord Cobham, v. 232.
Reverend age occurs in Waller, cd. Fenton, p. 56, and in this
poem, P. ii. c. i. v. 527.
t Coopers, like blacksmiths, give to their work alternately a
heavy stroke and a light one : which our poet humorously com-
pares to the Lydian and Phrygian measures. The former was
soft and efleminate, and called by Aristotle moral, because it
settled and composed the affections ; the latter was rough and
martial, and termed enthusiastic, because it agitated the pas-
sions :
Et Phrygio stimulet numero cava tibia mentes.
Lucr. ii. 620.
Phrygiis cantibus incitantur. Cic. de Div. i. 114.
And all the while sweet music did divide •
Her looser notes with Lydian harmony.
% These and the following lines afford a curious specimen of
the follies practised by inamoratos.
^ Trait is a word rarely used in English, of French origin,
signifying a stroke, or turn of wit or fancy.
II This kind of transmutation Mr. Butler is often guilty of: he
means, scribble the beer-glasses over with the name of his sweet-
heart, [rather spells them in the number of glasses of beer, as
before at v. 370.]
IT Sed prius ancillam captandas nosse puellae
Cura sit: accessus molliat ilia tuos.
Proxima consiliis domina; sit ut ilia videto ;
Neve parum tacitis conscia fida jocis.
Ovid, de Arte Amandi, lib. 1. 351.
Canto i.l HUDIBRAS. 211
With painted perfumes, hazard noses?*
Or, vent'ring to be brisk and wanton,
Do penance in a paper lanthoru ?t 870
All this you may compound for nov/,
By sufF'ring what I offer you ;
Which is no more than has been done
By knights for ladies long agone.
Did not tlie great La Mancha do so R75
For the Infanta del Toboso ?t
Did not th' illustrious Bassa make
Himself a slave for Misse's sake ?§
And with bull's pizzle, for her love,
Was taw'd as gentle as a glove ?|| 880
Was not young Florio sent, to cool
His flame for Biancafiore, to school, IT
Where pedant made his pathic bum
For her sake suffer martyrdom ?
* Their perfumes and paints were more prejudicial than the
rouge and odors of modern times. They were used by fops and
coxcomlis as well as by women. The plain meaning of the dis-
tich is, venture disease for painted and perfumed whores.
t Alluding to a method of cure for the venereal disease: and
It may point equivocally to some part of the Presbyterian or
popish discipline.
t Meaning the penance which Don Qui.xote underwent for the
sake of his Dulcinea, Part i. book iii. ch. 2.
$ Ibrahim, the illustrious Bassa, in the romance of Monsieur
Scudery. His mistress, Isabella, princess of Monaco, being con-
veyed away to the Sultan's seraglio, he gets into the palace in
quality of a slave, and, after a multitude of adventures, becomes
grand-vizier.
II To taw is a term used by leather-dressers, signifying to soften
the leather, and make it pliable, by frequently rubbing it. So in
Ben Jonson's Alchymist, " Be curry'd, claw'd, and flaw'd, and
" taw'd indeed." In the standard of ancient weights and meas-
ures, we read: "the cyse of a tanner that he tanne ox leather,
"and netes, and calves; — the cyse of a tawyer that he shall
" tawe none but sliepes leather and deres." So the tawer, or
fell-monger, prepares soft supple leather, as of buck, doe, kid,
sheep, lamb, for gloves, &c., which preparation of tawing differs
much from tanning. Johnson, in his Dictionary, says, '• To taw
"is to dress white leather, conutionly called alum leather, in
" contradistinction from tan leather, that which is dressed with
" bark." [To beat and dress leather with alum. Nares.]
IT This she instances from an Italian romance, entitled Florio
and Biancafiore. Thus the lady mentions some illustrious ex-
amples of the three nations, Spanish, French, and Italian, t&
induce the knight to give himself a scourgini, according to the
established laws of chivalry and novelism. The adventures of
Florio and Biancafiore, which make the principal subject of
Boccace's Philocopo, were famous long before Boccace, as he
himself informs us. Floris and Blancaster are mentioned as
illustrious lovers, by a Languedocian poet, in his Breviari d'Amor,
dated in the year 1288: it is probable, however, that the story
was enlarged by Boccace. See TyrWi\itt on Chaucer, iv. 169.
212 HUDIIiRAS. [Partii
Did not a certain lady whip, 884
Of late, her husband's own lordship?*
And tho' a grandee of the house,
Claw'd him with fundamental blows ;
Ty'd him stark-naked to a bed-post.
And firk'd his hide, as if sh' had rid post ; 896
And after in the sessions court.
Where whipping's judg'd, had honour for't?
This swear you will perform, and then
I'll set you from tli' enchanted den,
And the magician's circle, clear. 895
Quoth he, I do profess and swearj
And will perform what you enjoin.
Or may I never see you mine.
* Lord Munson, of Bury St. Edmund's, one of the king's judges,
being suspected by his lady of changing his political principles,
was by her, together with the assistance of her maids, tied
naked to the bed-post, and whipped till he promised to behave
better. Sir William Waller's lady, Mrs. May, and Sir Henry
Mildmay's lady, were supposed to have exercised the same au-
thority. See History of Flagellants, p. 340, 8vo. I meet with
the following lines in Butler's MS. Common-place Book ;
Bees are governed in a monarchy,
By some more noble female bee.
For females never grow effeminate.
As men prove often, and subvert a state.
For as they take to men, and men to them,
It is the safest in the worst extream.
The Gracchi were more resolute and stout,
Who only by thcii mother had been taught.
The ladies on both sides were very active during the civil
wars ; they held their meetings, at which they encouraged one
another in their zeal. Among the MSS. in the museum at Ox-
ford is one entitled Diverse remarkable Orders of the Ladies, at
the Spring-garden, in parliament assembled : together with cer-
tain votes of the unlawful assembly at Kate's, in Covenl-garden,
both sent abroad to prevent misinformation. Vesper. Veneris
Martii 25, 1647. One of the orders is: " That whereas the lady
"Norton, door-keeper of this house, complayned of Sir Robert Har-
"ley, a member of the house of commons, lor attempting to deface
" her, which happened thus: the said lady being a zealous Inde-
" pendent, and fond of the saints, and Sir Robert Barley having
" found thatshe was likewise painted, he pretended thatshe came
"within his ordinance against idolatry, saints painted, crosses,
"&c. ; but some friends of the said door-keeper urging in her
" behalf, that none did ever yet attempt to adore her, or worship
" her, she was justified, and the house hereupon declared, that
" if any person, by virtue of any power whatsoever, pretended
" to be derived from the house of commons, or any other court,
"shall go about to impeach, hinder, or disturb any lady from
"painting, worshipping, or adorning herself to the best advan-
" tage, as also from planting of hairs, or investing of teeth," &c.,
&c. Another order in this mock parliament was, that they send
a messenger to the assembly of divines, to inqiiire what is meant
by the words due benevolence.
Canto i.J HUDIBRAS. 213
Amen, quoth she, then turn'd about,
And bid her squire let him out. 900
But ere an artist could be found
T' undo tlie charms auother bound.
The sun grew low and left the skies,
Put down, some write, by ladies' eyes.
The moon pull'd off her veil of light,* 005
That's hides her face by day from sight.
Mysterious veil, of brightness made.
That's both her lustre and her shade,t
And in the night as freely shone.
As if her rays had been her own : 910
For darkness is the proper sphere
Where all false glories use t' appear.
The twinkling stars began to mustre,
And glitter with their borrow'd lustre,
While sleep the weary'd world reliev'd, 915
By counterfeiting death reviv'd.t
Our vot'ry thought it best t' adjourn
His whipping penance till the morn,
And not to carry on a work
* This, and the eleven following lines, are very just and
beautiful.
t The rays of the sun obscure the moon by day, and enliphten
it by night. This passage is extremely beautiful and poetical,
showing, among many others, Mr. Butler's powers in serious
poetry, if he had chosen that path.
t There is a beautiful modern epigram, which I do not cor-
rectly remember, or know where to find. It runs nearly thus :
Somne levis, quanqnam certissinia mortis imago,
Consortem cupio te tamen esse tori.
Alma quies optata veni, nam sic sine vit4
Vivere quam suave est, sic sine morte mori.
Stvoj Ta /jLtKpa Tov Oavdrov ^v<^r)pta.
Gnomici Poeta, 915, 243.
Sirvoj PpoTtiwv Traug'ijp Ti6vwv.
Athena. I. x. p. 449.
vwoi neipvKC ciijiaTo; auJTrjpla.
Brunck. Analect. 243.
This canto in general is C-mitable for wit and pleasantry: the
character of Hudibras is well preserved ; his manner of address
appears to be natural, and at the same time has strong marks of
singularity. Towards the conclusion, indeed, the conversation
becomes obscene ; but, excepting this blemish, I think the whole
canto by no means inferior to any part of the performance. The
critic will remark how exact our poet is in observing times and
seasons ; he describes morning and evoning, and one day only la
passed since the opening of the poem.
314 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
Of such importance, in the dark, 920
With erring haste, but rather stay.
And do't i' th' open face of day ;
And in the mean time go in quest
Of next retreat, to take his leett
PART II, CANTO li.
THE ARGUMENT.
The Knight and Squire in hot disputSj
Within an ace of falling out,
Are parted with a sudden fright
Of strange alarm, and stranger sight {
With which adventuring to stickle.
They're sent away in nasty pickle.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO II.
'Tis strange how some men's tempers suitj
Like bawd and brandy, with dispute,*
That for their own opinions stand fast.
Only to have the-m claw'd and canvast.
That keep their consciences in cases,! 5
As fiddlers do their crowds and bases,!
Ne'er to be us'd but when they're bent
To play a fit for argument.^
Make true and false, unjust and just,
Of no use but to be discust ; .10
Dispute and set a paradox.
Like a straight boot, upon the stocks,
And stretch it more unmercifully,
Than Helmont, Montaigne, White, or Tully,||
* That is, how some men love disputing, as a bawd loves
brandy.
t A pun, or jeii de mots, on cases of conscience.
j That is, their fiddles and violoncellos.
§ The old phrase was, to play a fit of mirth : the word fit often
occurs in ancient ballads, and metrical romances: it is generally
applied to music, and signifies a division or part, for the conve-
nience of the performers ; thus in the old poem of John the
Reeve, the first part ends with this line,
The first fitt here find we ;
afterwards it signified the whole part or division : thus Chaucei
concludes the rhyme of Sir Thopas :
Lo ! lordes min, here is a fit ;
If ye will any more of it,
To tell it woll I fond.
The learned and ingenious bishop of Dromore, (Dr. Percy,)
thinks the word fit originally signified a poetic strain, verse, or
poem.
II Men are. too apt to subtilize when they labor in defence of
a favorite sect or system. Van Helmont was an eminent phy-
sician and naturalist, a warm opposer of the principles of Aris-
totle and Galen, and unreasonably attached to chemistry He
was born at Brussels, in 1588, and died 1604. Michael de Mon
taigne was born at Perigord, of a good family, 1533, died 159i
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 217
So th' ancient Stoics in the porch, 15
With fierce dispute maintaiu'd their church,
Beat out their brains in fight and study,
To prove that virtue is a body,*
That bonum is au animal,
Made good with stout polemic bravsrl : 20
In whicli some hundreds on the place
lie was fancifully educated by his father, waked every morning
with instruments of music, taught Latin by conversation, and
Greeli as an amusement. His paradoxes related only to common
life ; for he had little depth of learning. His essays contain
abundance of whimsical reflections on matters of ordinary oc-
currence, especially upon hisown temper and qualities. He was
counsellor in the parliament of Bourdeaux, and mayor of the
same place. Thomas White was second son of Richard White,
of Essex, esquire, by Mary his wife, daughter of Edmund Plow-
den, the great lawyer, in the reign of Elizabeth. He was a
zealous champion for the church of Rome and the Aristotelian
philosophy. He wrote against Joseph Glanville, who printed at
London, 1665, a book entitled, Scepsis Scientifica, or Confessed
Ignorance the Way to Science. Mr. White's answer, which de-
fended Aristotle and his disciples, was entitled. Scire, sive Scep-
tices et Scepticorum a jure Disputationis exclusio. This pro-
duced a reply from Glanville, under the title of, Scire, tuum ni-
hil est. White published several books with the signatures of
Thomas Albius, or Thomas Anglus ex Albiis. His Dialogues
de Mundo, bear date 1G42, and are signed, autore Thoma Anglo
e generos4 Albiorum in oriente Trinobantum prosapi^ oriundo.
He embraced the opinions of Sir Kenelm Dighy. For Tully
some editions read Ijiilly. Raymond Lully was a Majorcan,
born in the thirteenth century. He is said to have been extreme-
ly dissolute in his youth; to have turned sober at forty; in his
old age to have preached the gospel to the Saracens, and suffered
martyrdom, anno 1315. As to his paradoxes, prodiit, says San-
derson, e media barbarie vir magna professus, R. Lullus, qui
opus logicum quam specioso titulo insignivit, artem magnam
comnientus: cujus ope pollicetur trimestri spatio hominem,
quamvis vel ipsa literarum elementa nescientem, totam encyclo-
psdiam perdocere ; idque per circulos et triangulos, et literas al-
phabeti sursum versum revolutas. There is a summary of his
sclleme in Gassendus de Usu LogicK, c 8; Alsted Encyclop.
tom. iv. sect. 17. He is frequently mentioned in Butler's Re-
mains, see vol. i. 131, and in the character of an hermetic phi-
losopher, vol. ii. pp. 232, 247-251. But I have retained the word
Tully with the author's corrected edition. Mr. Butler alluded,
I suppose, to Cicero's Stoicorum Paradoxa, in which, merely for
the exercise of his wit, and to amuse himself and his friends,
he has undertaken to defend some of the most extravagant doc-
trines of the porch: Ego vero ilia ipsa, qua; vix in gymnasiis et
in otio stoici probant, ludens conjeci in communes locos.
* The stoics allowed of no incorporeal substance, no medium
between body and nothing. With them accidents and qualities,
virtues and vices, the passions of the mind, and every thing else,
was body. Animam constat animal esse, cum ipsa efficiat ut
simus animalia. Virtus autem nihil aliud est quam animus tal-
Iter se habens. Ergo animal est. See also Seneca, epistle 113,
and Plutarch on Superstition, sub initio.
10
218 HUDIBRAS FPart b
Were slain outright,* and many a face
Retrench'd of nose, and eyes, and beard,
- To maintain what their sect averr'd.
All which the knight and squire in wrath, 25
Had like t' have sufFer'd for their faith ;
Each striving to make good his own,
As by the sequel shall be shown.
The sun had long since, in the lap
Of Thetis, taken out his nap, 30
And like a lobster boil'd, the morn
From black to red began to turn ;t
When Pludibras, whom thoughts and aching
'Twixt sleeping kept all night and waking.
Began to rouse liis drowsy eyes, 3i
And from his couch prepar'd to rise ;
Resolving to dispatch the deed
He vow'd to do with trusty speed :
But first, with knocking loud and bawling.
* We meet with the same account in the Remains, vol. ii.
242. "This had been an excellent course for the old rountl-
" headed stoics to find out whether bonum was corpus, or virtue
"an animal; about which they had so many fierce encounters
" in their stoa, that about 1400 lost their lives on the place, and
" far many more their beards, and teeth, and noses." The Gre-
cian history, I believe, does not countenance these remarks.
Diogenes Laertius, in his life of Zeno, book vii. sect. 5, says, that
this philosopher read his lectures in the stoa or portico, and
hopes the place would be no more violated by civil seditions :
for, adds he, when the thirty tyrants governed the republic, 1400
citizens were killed there. Making no mention of a philosophi-
cal brawl, but speaking of a series of civil executions, which
took place in the ninety-fourth olympiad, at least a hundred
years before the foundation of the stoical school. In the old an-
notations, the words of Laertius are cited differently. "In por-
" ticu (stoicorum schola Athenis) discipulorum seditionibus,
" niille quadringenti triginta cives interfecti sunt." But from
whence the words " discipulorum seditionibus" were picked up,
I know not: unless from the old version of Ambrosius of CaBfial-
doli. There is nothing to answer them in the Greek, nor do they
appear in the translations of Aldobrandus or Meibomius. Xen-
ophon observes, that more persons were destroyed by the tyran-
ny of the thirty, than had been slain by the enemy in eight en-
tire years of the Peloponnesian war. Both Isocrates and JEs-
chines make the number fifteen hundred. Seneca De Tranquil,
thirteen hundred. Lysias reports, that three hundred were con-
demned by one sentence. Laertius is the only writer that rep-
resents the portico as the scene of their sufierings. This, It
is true, stood in tlie centre of Athens, in or near the forum.
Perhaps, also, it might not be far from the desmoterion, ot
prison.
t Mr. M. Bacon says, this simile is taken from Rabelais, who
calls the lobster cardinalized, from the red habit assumed by tiie
etergy of that rank.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 21&
He rous'd the squire, in truckle lolling ;* 40
And after many circumstances,
Which vulgar authors in romances,
Do use to spend their time and wits on,
To make impertinent description,
They got, with much ado, to horse, 45
And to the castle bent their course,
In w hich he to the dame before
To suffer whipping-duty swore :t
Where now arriv'd, and half unharnest,
To carry on the work in earnest, 50
He stopp'd and paus'd upon the sudden,
And with a serious forehead plodding.
Sprung a new scruple in his head,
Which first he scratch'd, and after said ;
Whether it be direct infringing 55
An oath, if I should wave this swinging,!
And what I've sworn to bear, forbear,
And so b' equivocation swear ;§
Or whether 't be a lesser sin
To be forsworn, than act the thing, 60
Are deep and subtle points, which must,
T' inform my conscience, be discust ;
In which to err a little, may
To errors infinite make way :
And therefore I desire to know 65
Thy judgment, ere we farther go.
Quoth Ralp\io, Since you do injoin't,
I shall enlarge upon the point ;
And, for my own part, do not doubt
Th' affirmative may be made out. 70
But first, to state the case aright,
For best advantage of our light ;
And thus 'tis, whether 't be a sin.
To claw and curry our own skin,
Greater or less than to forbear, 75
And that you are forsworn forswear.
* See Don Quixote, Part ii. ch. 20. A truckle-bed is a little
bed on wheel?, which runs under a larger bed.
t In some ol the early editions, it is duly swore, the sense being
in which he before swore to the dame to suffer whipping duly.
X From the Anglo-Saxon word swingan, to beat, or whip.
^ The equivocations and mental reservations of the Jesuits
were loudly complained of, and by none more than by the sec-
taries. When these last came into power, the royalists had too
often an opportunity of bringing the same charge against theia,
gee Sanderson De Jur. Oblig. pr. ii. 55, 11.
220 HUDIBRAS. [Parf n
But first, o' th' first : The inward man,
And outward, like a clan and clan,
Have always been at daggers-drawing
And one another clapper-clawing:* 81
Not that they really cuiFor fence,
But in a spiritual mystic sense ;
Which to mistake, and make them squabble,
In literal fray's abominable ;
'Tis heathenish, in frequent use, 85
''^ith pagans and apostate jews.
To offer sacrifice of bridewells,t
Like modern Indians to their idols ,i
And mongrel Christians of our times,
That expiate less with greater crimes, 90
And call the foul abomination,
Contrition and mortification.
Is't not enough we're bruis'd and kicked.
By sinful members of the wicked ;
Our vessels, that are sanctify'd, 95
Profan'd, and curry'd back and side ;
But we must claw ourselves with shameful
And heathen stripes, by their example?
Which, were there nothing to forbid it,
Is impious, because they did it: 100
This therefore may be justly reckon'd
A heinous sin. Now to the second ;
That saints may claim a dispensation
To swear and forswear on occasion,
I doubt not ; but it will appear 105
With pregnant light : the point is clear,
Oaths are but words, and words but wind.
Too feeble implements to bind ;
And hold with deeds proportion, so
As shadows to a substance do.§ 110
Then when they strive for place, 'tis fit
The weaker vessel should submit.
Although yoni church be opposite
To ours, ££ iilack Friars are to White,
' The ciau.f cr tribes of the Highlanders of Scotland, have
sii«ietiineg »j^t up an hereditary prosecution of their qaarrels
fie; many j,rrerations. The doctrine which the Independents
at 1 oth'jjr rfitaries held, concerning the inward and outward
lOAn, is frf'iaently alluded to, and frequently explained, in these
m tei
t vVhipvlng, the punishment usually inflicted in houses of
* Tms is, the fakirs, dervises, bonzes, of the east.
i tkjyoi tpyov oKtd, was an aphorism of Democritus.
Canto u.J HUDIBRAS 221
In rule aud order, yet I grant 115
You are a reformado saint ;*
And what the saints do claim as due.
You may pretend a title to :
But saints, whom oaths or vows oblige,
Know little of their privilege ; 120
Farther, I mean, than carrying on
Some self-advantage of tiieir own :
For if the devil, to serve his turn,
Can tell truth ; why the saints should scorn,
When it serves theirs, to swear and lie, 125
I think there's little reason why :
Else h' has a greater power than they,
Which 'twere impiety to say.
We're not commanded to forbear.
Indefinitely, at all to swear ; J 30
But to swear idly, and in vain.
Without self-interest or gain.
For breaking of an oath and lying.
Is but a kind of self-denying,
A saint-like virtue ; and from hence 13r>
Some have broke oaths by providence :
Some, to the glory of the Lord,
Perjur'd themselves, and broke their word :1
And this the constant rule and practice
Of all our late apostles' acts is. 140
Was not the cause at first begun
With perjury, and carried on ?
Was there an oath the godly took,
But in due time and place they broke 1
* That is, a saint volunteer, as being a Presbyterian, for the
Independents were the saints in pay. See P. iii. c. ii. I. 91.
t Dr. Owen had a wonderful knack of attributing all the pro-
ceedings of his own party to the direction of the spirit. "The
" rebel army," says South, " in their several trealings with the
" king, being asked by him whether they would stand to such
" ard such agreements and promises, still answered, that they
"would do as the spirit should direct them. Whereupon that
" blessed prince would frequently condole his hard fate, that he
" had to do with persons to whom the spirit dictated one thing
"one day, and commanded the clean contrary the next." So
the history of independency : when it was first moved in the
house of commons to proceed capitally against the king, Crom-
well stood up, and told them, that if any man moved this with
design, he should think him the greatest traitor in the world;
nut, since providence and necessity had cast them upon it, he
"should pray God to bless their counsels. Harrison, Carew, and
others, when tried for the part they took in the king's death,
professed they had acted out of conscience to the Lord.
222 HUDIBRAS, [Part u
Did we not bring our oaths in first, 145
Before our plate, to have them burst,
And cast in fitter models, for
The present use of church and war?
Did not our worthies of the house.
Before they broke the peace, break vows? 150
For having freed us first from both
Th' alleg'ance and suprem'cy oath ;*
Did they not next compel the nation
To take, and break the protestation ?t
To swear, and after to recant, 1 55
The solemn league and covenant ?t
To take th' engagement, and disclaim it,^
Enforc'd by those who first did frame it ?
Did they not swear, at first, to fight||
* Though they did not in formal and express terms abrogate
tliese oaths till after the king's death, yet in effect they vacated
and annulled them, by administering the king's power, and sub-
stitutins other oaths, protestations, and covenants. Of these last
it is said in the Icon Basilike, whoever was the author of it,
" Every man soon grows his own pope, and easily absolves him-
" self from those ties, which not the command of God's word, or
" the laws of the land, but only the subtilty and terror of a party
" cast upon them. Either superfluous and vain, when they are
"sufficiently tied before; or fraudulent and injurious, if by such
" after ligaments they find the impostors really aiming to dissolve
" or suspend their furmer just and necessary obligations."
t In the protestation they promised to defend the true reformed
religion, expressed in the doctrine of the Church of England ;
which yet in the covenant, not long after, they as religiously
vowed to change.
t And to recant is but to cant again, says Sir Robert L'Estrange.
In the solemn league and covenant, (called a league, because it
was to be a bond of amity and confederation between the king-
doms of England and Scotland ; and a covenant, because they
]iretended to make a covenant with God,) they swore to delend
the person and authority of the king, and cause the woild to be-
hold their fidelity ; and that they would not, in the least, dimin-
ish his just power and greatness. The Presbyterians, who in
some instances stuck to the covenant, contrived an evasion for
this part of it, viz. : that they had sworn to defend the person
and authority of the king in support of religion and ptibiic liberty.
Now, said they, we find that the defence of the person and au-
thority of the king is incompatible with the support of religion
and liberty, and therefore, for the sake of religion and liberty,
we are bound to oppose and ruin the Icing. But the Independ-
ents, who were at last the prevailing party, utterly renounced the
covenant. Mr. Goodwin, one of their most eminent preachers,
asserted, that to violate this abominable and cursed oath, out of
conscience to God. was a holy and blessed perjury.
§ After the death of the king a new oath was prepared, which
Uiey called the Engagement ; the form whereof was, that every
man should engage and swear to be true and faithful to the gov
zrnment then established.
II Cromwell, though in general a hypocrite, was very sincere
Canto u.J HUDIBRAS 223
For the king's safety, and his right ? 160
And after marcli'd to find him out.
And charg'd him home with horse and foot ?
And yet still had the confidence
To swear it was in his defence ?
Did they not swear to live and die 163
With Essex, and straight laid him by ?*
If that were all, for some have swore
As false as they, if th' did no more.t
Did they not swear to maintain law.
In which that swearing made a flaw ? 170
For protostant religion vow,
That did that vowing disallow?
For privilege of parliament,
In which that swearing made a rent 1
And since, of all the tliree, not one 75
Is left in being, 'tis well known.J
Did they not swear, in express words,
To prop and back the house of lords ?§
when he first mustered his troop, and declared that he would
not deceive them by perplexed or involved expressions, in his
commission, to fight for king and parliament; but he would as
soon discharge his pistol upon the king as upon any other person.
* When the parliament first took up arms, and the earl of
Essex was chosen general, several members of the house stood
up and declared that they would live and die with the earl of
Essex. This was afterwards the usual style of addresses to par-
liament, and of their resolutions. Essex continued in great
esteem with the party till September, 1C44, when he was de-
feated by the king, in Cornwall. But the principal occasion of
his being laid aside was the subtle practice of Cromwell, who
in a speech to the house had thrown out some oblique reflections
on the second fight near Newbery, and the loss of Donington
castle ; and, fearing the resentment of Essex, contrived to pass
the self-denying ordinance, whereby Essex, as general, and most
of the Presbyterians in office, were removed. The Presbyterians
in the house were superior in number, and thought of new-
modelling the army again ; but in the mean time the earl died.
t Essex, it was loudly said by many of his friends, was poi
soned.^ Clarendon's History, vol. iii. b. 10.
t Namely, law, religion, and privilege of parliament.
^ When the army began to present criminal information
against the king, in order to keep the lords quiet, who might
well be supposed to be in fear for their own privileges and
honors, a message was sent to them promising to maintain their
privileges of peerage, &c. But as soon as the king was behead-
ed, the lords were discarded and turned out. February the first,
two days after the king's death, when the lords sent a message
to the commons for a committee to consider the way of settling
the nation ; the commons made an order to consider on the mor
row whether the messenger should be called in, and whether
the house should take any cognizance thereof. February the
fifth the lords sent again, but their messengers were not called
224 HUDIBRAS. [Part u
Ana after tuni'd out the whole house-full
Of peers, as dang'rous and unuseful. 180
So Cromwell, with deep oaths and vows,
Swore all the commons out o' th' house ;*
Vow'd that the red-coats would disband,
Ay, marry wou'd they, at their command ;
And troll'd them on, and swore and swore, 185
Till th' army turu'd them out of door.
This tells us plainly what they thought,
That oaths and swearing go for nought ;
And that by them th' were only meant
To serve for an expedient, f 190
What was the public faith found out for,}
But to slur men of what they fought for ?
The public faith, which ev'ry one
Is bound t' observe, yet kept by none ;
And if that go for nothing, why 195
Should private faith have such a tie ?
in ; and it was debated, liy the commons, whether the house of
lords should be continued a court of judicature ; and the next
day it was resolved by them, that the house of peers in parlia-
ment was useless, and ought to be abolished. Whitelock.
* After the king's party was utterly overthrown, Cromwell,
who all along, as it is supposed, aimed at the supreme power,
persuaded the parliament to send part of their army into Ireland,
and to disband the rest : which the Presbyterians in the house
were forward to do. This, as he knew it would, set the army in
a mutiny, which he and the rest of the. commanders made show
to take indignation at. And Cromwell, to make the parliament
secure, called God to witness, that he was sure the army would,
at their first command, cast their arms at their feet; and again
solenmly swore, that he had rather himself and his whole fam-
ily should be consumed, than that the army should break out
into sedition. Yet in the mean time he blew up the flame ; and
getting leave to go down to the army to quiet them, immediately
joined with them in all their designs. By which arts he so
strengthened his interest in the army, and incensed them against
the parliament, that with tlie help of the red-coats he turned
them all out of doors. Bates Elench. Mot. and others.
t Eipedicnt was a term often used by the sectaries. When
the members of the council of state engaged to approve of what
should be done by the commons in parliament for the future, it
was ordered to draw up an expedient for the members to sub-
scribe.
i It was usual to pledge the public faith, as they called it, by
which they meant the credit of parliament, or their own prom-
ises, for moneys borrowed, and many times never repaid. A re-
markable answer was given to the citizens of London on some
occasion : "In truth the subjects may plead theproperty of their
"goods against the king, but not against the parliament, to whom
" it appertains to dispose of al I the goods of the kingdom." Their
own partisans, Milton and Lilly, complain of not being repaid
the money they had laid out to support the cause.
Canto ii.] UUDIBRAS. 225
Oaths were not purpos'd more than law.
To keep the good and just iii awe,*
But to coufine the bad and sinful,
Like mortal cattle in a pinfold. 300
A saint's of th' heav'nly realm a peer ;
And as no peer is bound to swear,
But on the gospel of his honour.
Of which he may dispose as owner,
It follows, tho' the thing be forgery, 205
And false, th' affirm it is no perjury,
But a mere ceremony, and a breach
Of nothing, but a form of speech,
And goes for no more when 'tis took.
Than mere saluting of the book. 210
Suppose the Scriptures are of force,
They're but commissions of course,t
And saints have freedom to digress,
And vary from 'em as they please ;
Or misinterpret them by private 215
Instructions, to all aims they drive at.
Then why should we ourselves abridge.
And curtail our own privilege ?
Quakers, that like to lanthorns, bear
Their light within them, will not swear ; 220
Their gospel is an accidence.
By which they construe conscience, t
And hold no sin so deeply red.
As that of breaking Priscian's head.§
The head and founder of their order, 22.'»
That stirring hats held worse than murder ;||
* "Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous
"man, but for the lawless and disobedient." 1 Timothy i. 9.
t A satire on the liberty the parliament ofBcers took of vary-
ing from their commissions, on pretence of private instructions.
I That is, they, the Quakers, interpret scripture altogether
literal, and make a point of conscience of using the wrong num-
ber in grammar : or, it may mean that grammar is their scripture,
by which they interpret right or wrong, lawful or unlawful.
5 Priscian was a great grammarian about the year 528, and
when any one spoke false grammar, he was said to break Pris-
cian's head. The Quakers, we know, are great sticklers for
plainness and simplicity of speech. Thou, is the singular, ijoa
the plural; consequently it is breaking Priscian's head, it is
false grammar, quoth the Quaker, to use you in the singular
number: George Fox was another Priscian, witness his Battel-
d'or.
II Some think that the order of Quakers, and not Priscian, is
here meant; but then it would be holds, not held: I therefore
*m inclined to think that the poet humorously supposes that
Priscian, who received so many blows on the head, was muck
10*
226 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
These thinking they're oblig'd to troth
In swearing, will not take an oath ;
Like mules, who if they've not the will
lo keep their own pace, stand stock still ; 230
But they are weak, and little know
What free-born consciences may do.
'Tis the temptation of the devil
That makes all human actions evil :
For saints may do the same things by S3S
The spirit, in sincerity.
Which other men are tempted to.
And at the devil's instance do ;
And yet the actions be contrary,
Just as the saints and wicked vary. S40
For as on land there is no beast
But in some fish at sea's exprest ;*
So in the wicked there's no vice.
Of which the saints have not a spice ;
And yet that thing that's pious m 243'
The one, in th' other is a sin.t
averse to taking ofThis hat; and therefore calls him the founder
of Uuakerism. This may seem a far-fetched conceit ; but a
similar one is employed by Mr. Butler on another occasion.
"You may perceive the Quaker has a crack in his skull," says
he, " by the great care he takes to keep his hat on, lest his sickly
" brains, if he have any, should take cold." Remains, ii. 352 ;
i. 391. April 20, 1649, nearly at the beginning of Quakerism,
Everard and Winstanley, chief of the Levellers, came to the
general, and made a large declaration to justify themselves.
While they were speaking, they stood with their hats on; and
being demanded the reason, said, " he was but their fellow-
" creature." "This is set down," says Whitelocke, " because it
" was the beginning of the appearance of this opinion." So ob-
stinate were the Quakers in this point, that Barclay makes the
following declaration concerning it: " However small or foolish
" this may seem, yet, I can say boldly in the sight of God, we be-
"hooved to choose death rather than doit, and that for conscience
"sake." There is a story told of William Penn, that being admit-
ted to an audience by Charles II., he did not pull otf his hat ; when
the king, as a gentle rebuke to him for his ill manners, took off his
own. On which Penn said, " Friend Charles, why dost not thou
"keep on thy hati" and the king answered, "Friend Penn, it is
" the custom of this place that no more than one person be cov-
"ered at a time."
* Thus Dubartas :
So many fishes of so many features,
That in the waters we may see all creatures,
Even all that on the earth are to be found.
As if the world were in deep waters drown'd.
But see Sir Thomas Brown's Treatise on Vulgar Errors, book
Ui. chap. 24.
t Many held the antinomlan principle, that believers, or pe^
Canto ii.] IIUDIBRAS. 22?
Is't not ridiculous, and nonsense,
A saint should be a slave to conscience ?
That ought to be above such fancies.
As far as above ordinances ?* 250
She's of the wicked, as I guess,
B' her looks, her language, and her dress
And tho', like constables, we search
For false wares one another's church ;
Yet all of us hold this for true, 235
No faith is to the wicked due.
For truth is precious and divine,
Too rich a pearl for carnal swine.
Quoth Hudibras, All this is true,
Yet 'tis not fit that all men knew 260
Those mysteries and revelations ;
And therefore topical evasions
Of subtle turns, and shifts of sense.
Serve best with th' wicked for pretence.
Such as the learned Jesuits use, 203
And presbyterians, for excuset
sons regenerate, cannot sin Though they commit the same
acts, which are styled and are sins in others, yet in them they
are no sins. Because, say they, it is not the nature of the ac-
tion that derives a quality upon the person ; hut it is the antece-
dent quality or condition of the i)erson that denominates his ac-
tions, and stamps them good or bad : so that they are those only
who are previously wicked, that do wicked actions ; but be-
lievers, doing the very same things, never commit the same
sins.
* Some sectaries, especially the Muggletonians, thought them-
selves so sure of salvation, that they deemed iFneedless tocon-
form to ordinances, human or divine.
t On the subject of Jesuitical evasions we may recite a story
from Mr. Foulis. He tells us that, a little before the death of
(iueen Elizabeth, when the Jesuits were endeavoring to set
aside King James, a little book was written, entitled, a Treatise
on Equivocation, or, as it was afterwards styled by Garnet, pro-
vincial of the Jesuits, a Treatise against Lying and Dissimula-
tion, which yet allows an excuse for the most direct falsehood,
by their law of directing the intention. For example, in time of
the plague a man goes to Coventry ; at the gates he is examined
upon oath whether he came from London : the traveller, though
he directly came from thence, may swear positively that he did
not. The reason is, because he knows himself not infected, and
does not endanger Coventry ; which he supposes to answer the
final intent of the demand. At the end of this book is an allow-
ance and commendation of it by Blackwcll, thus : Tractatus ista
valde doctus et vere plus et catholicus est. Certe sac. scriptura-
rum, patrum, doctorum, scholasticorum, canonistarum, et opti-
marum rationum prajsidiis plenissime firmat equitatem equivo-
cationis, ideoque dignissimus qui typis propagetur ad consolatio-
i\em afflictorum catholicorum, et omniiun piorum instructionem.
Ua censeo Georgius Blackwellus archipresbiter Angliae et proto-
228 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
Against the piotestants, when th' happea
To find their churches taken napping ;
As thus : a breach of oatli is duple,
And either way admits a scruple, 270
• And may be, ex parte of the maker,
More criminal than the injur'd taker ;
For he that strains too far a vow,
Will break it, like an o'er bent bow :
And he that made, and forc'd it, broke it, 375
Not he that for convenience took it.
• A broken oath is, quatenas oath.
As sound t' all purposes of troth.
As broken laws are ne'er the worse,
Nay, 'till they're broken, have no force. 280
What's justice to a man, or laws.
That never comes vvitliin their claws ?
They have no pow'r, but to admonish ;
Cannot control, coerce, or punish.
Until they're broken, and then touch 285
Those only that do make them such.
Beside, no engagement is allovv'd.
By men in prison made, for good ;
For when they're set at liberty.
They're from th' engagement too set free. 290
The rabbins write, when any jew
Did make to god or man a vow,*
notariiis apostolicus. On the second leaf it has this title: A
Treatise against Lying and Fraudulent Dissimulation, newly
overseen by the Author, and published for the Defence of Inno-
cency, and for the Instruction of Ignorats. The MS. was seized
by Sir Edward Coke, in Sir Thomas Tresham's chamber, in the
Inner Temple, and is now in the Bodleian library, at Oxford.
MS. Laud. E. 45, with the attestation in Sir Edward Coke's
handwriting, 5 December 1G05, and the following motto: Os
quod mentitur occidit animam. An instance of the parliament-
arians shifting their sense, and explaining away their declara-
tion, may be this : When the Scots delivered up the king to the
parliament, they were promised that he should be treated witli
safety, liberty, and honor. But when the Scots afterwards found
reason to demand the prrformance of that promise, they were
answered, that the promise was formed, published, and employed
according as the state of affairs then stood. And yet these
promises to preserve the person and authority of the king had
been made with the most solemn protestations. We protest, say
they, in the presence of Almighty God, which is the strongest
bond of a Christian, and by the public faith, the most solemn
that any state can give, that neither adversity nor success shall
ever cause us to change our resolutions.
* There is a traditional doctrine among the Jews, that if any
person has made a vow, which afterwards he wishes to recall,
ue may go to a rabbi, or three other men, and if he can prove to
Canto il] HUDIBRAS. 229
Which afterwards he found untoward,
And stubborn to be kept, or too hard ;
Any three other jews o' th' nation 295
Might free him from the obligation :
And have not two saints power to use
A greater privilege than three jews ?*
The court of conscience, which in man
Should be supreme and sovereign, 300
Is't fit should be subordinate
To ev'ry petty court i' th' state,
And have less power than the lesser.
To deal with perjury at pleasure ?
Have its proceedings disaliow'd, or 365
Allow'd, at fancy of pie-powder ?t
Tell all it does, or does not know.
For swearing ex officio ?|
Be forc'd t' impeach a broken hedge.
And pigs unring'd at vis. franc, pledge ?§ 310
them that no injury will be sustained by any one, they may free
him from its obligation. See Remains, vol. i. 300.
* Mr. Butler told Mr. Veal, that by the two saints he meant
Dr. Downing and Mr. Marshall, who, when some of the rebels
had their lives spared on condition that they would not in future
bear arms against the king, were sent to dispense with the oath,
and persuade them to enter again into the service. Mr. Veal-
was a gentleman commoner of Edmund Hall during the troubles,
and was about seventy years old when he gave this account to
Mr. Coopey. See Godwin's MS. notes on Grey's Hudibras, in
the Bodleian library, Oxford.
t The court of pie powder takes cognizance of such disputes
as arise in fairs and markets ; and is so called from the old
French word pied-puldreaux, which signifies a pedler, one who
gets a livelihood without a fi.xed or certain residence. See Bar-
rington's Observations on the Statutes ; and Blackstone's Com-
mentaries, vol. ill. p. 32. In the borough laws of Scotland, an
alien merchant is called pied-puldreaux.
t In some courts an oath was administered, usually called the
oath ex ofiicio, whereby the parties were obliged to answer to
interrogalories, and therefore were thought to be obliged to ac-
cuse or purge themselves of any criminal matter. In the year
1604 a conference was held concerning some reforms in ecclesi-
astical matters when James I. presided ; one of the matters
complained of was the ex officio oath. The Lord Chancellor,
lord treasurer, and the archbishop (Whitgift) defended the oath:
the king gave a description of it, laid down the grounds upon
which it stood, and justified the wisdom of the constitution. For
swearing ex officio, that is, by taking the ex officio oath. A fur-
ther account of this oath may be seen in Neal's History of the
Puritans, vol. i. p. 444.
$ Lords of certain manors had the right of requiring surety of
the freeholders for their good behavior towards the king and his
subjects : which security, taken by the steward at the lord's
court, was to be exhibited to the sheriff' of the county. These
manors were said to have view of frank pledge
230 HUDiBRAS. [Part n
Discover thieves, and bawds, recusants,
Priests, witches, eves-droppers, and nuisance :
Tell who did play at games unlawful,
And who fiU'd pots of ale but half-full ;
And have no pow'r at all, nor shift, 315
To help itself at a dead lift ?
Why should not conscience have vacation
As well as other courts o' th' nation ?
Have equal power to adjourn.
Appoint appearance and return ? 320
And make as nice distinctions serve
To split a case, as those that carve.
Invoking cuckolds' names, hit joints?*
Why should not tricks as slight, do points 1
Is not th' high court of justice sworn 325
To judge that law that serves their turn ?t
Make their own jealousies high treason.
And fix them whomsoe'er they please on ?
Cannot the learned counsel there
Make laws in any shape appear ? 330
Mould 'em as witches do their clay.
When they make pictures to destroy U
* Our ancestors, when they found it difficult to carve a goose
a hare, or other dish, used to say in jest, they should hit the
jvfint it' they could think of the name of a cuckold. Mr. Kyrle,
the man of Ross, celebrated by Pope, had always company to
dine with him on a market day, and a poose, if it could be pro-
cured, was one of the dishes ; which he claimed the privilege
of carving himself. When any guest, ignorant of the etiquette
of the table, ntlcred to save him that trouble, he would exclaim,
" Hold your hand, man, if I am good for any thing, it is for hit-
" ting cuckolds' joints."
t The high court of justice was a court first instituted for the
trial of king Charles I., but afterwards extended its judicature to
some of his adherents, to the year 1658. As it had no law or
precedents to go l)y, its determinations were those which best
served the turn of its members. See the form of the oath ad-
ministered to them upon the trial of Sir Henry Slingsby, andDr.
Hewet, ]6.i8, in Mercurius Politicus, No. 414, page 501.
t It was supposed that witches, by forming the image of any
one in wax or clay, and sticking it with pins, or putting it to
other torture, could annoy also the prototype or person repre-
sented. According to Dr. Dee such enchantments were used
against Queen Elizabeth. Elinor Cobham employed them against
Henry VI., and Amy Simpson against James VI. of Scotland. A
criminal process was issued against Robert of Artois, who con-
trived the figure of a young man in wax, and declared it was
made against John of France, the king's son : he added, that he
would have another figure of a woman, not baptized, against a
she-devil, the queen. Monsieur de Laverdies observes, that the
spirit of superstition had persuaded people, that figures of wax
baptized, and pierced for several days to the heart, brought abont
the death of the person against whom they were intended.
Canto ii.] HUDIBKAS. 231
And vex them into any form
That fits their purpose to do harm?
Rack them until they do confess, 335
Impeach of treason whom they please,
And most perfidiously condemn
Those that engag'd their fives for them ?
And yet do nothing in their own sense.
But what they ought by oath and conscience. 340
Can they not juggle, and with sfight
Conveyance play witli wrong and right ;
And sell their blasts of wind as deai,*
As Lapland witches boftl'd air?t
Will not fear, favour, bribe, and grudge, 343
The same case sev'ral ways adjudge?
As seamen, with the self-same gale.
Will sev'ral different courses sail ;
As when the sea breaks o'er its bounds,t
And overflows the level grounds, 350
Those banks and dams, that, like a screen.
Did keep it out, now keep it in ;
So when tyrannical usurpation
Invades tiie freedom of a nation.
The laws o' th' land that were intended 335
To keep it out, are made defend it.
Does not in chanc'ry ev'ry man swear
What makes best for him in his answer?
Is not the winding up witnesses.
And nicking, more than half the bus'ness? 360
For witnesses, like watches, go
Just as they're set, too fast or slow ;
And where in conscience they're strait lac'd,
'Tis ten to one that side is cast.
Account of MSS. in the French king's library, 1789, vol. ii. p.
404.
* That is, their breath, their pleadinsrs, their arguments,
t The witches in Lapland pretended to sell bags of wind to
the sailors, which would carry them to whatever quarter they
pleased. See Olaus Magnus. Cleveland, in his King's Disguise
p. 61:
The Laplanders when they would sell a wind
Wafting to hell, bag up thy phrase and bind
It to the barque, which at the voyage end
Shifts poop, and breeds the collick in the fiend.
X This simile may be found in prose in Butler's Remains, vol.
i. p. 298. " For as when the sea breaks over its bounds, and
"overflows the land, those dams and banks that were made to
"keep it out, do afterwards serve to keep it in : so wlien tyranny
" and usurpation break in upon the common right and freedom,
" the laws of God and of the land are abused, to support that
"which they were intended to oppose."
232 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
Do not your juries give their verdict 363
As if they felt the cause, not heard it ?
And as they please make matter o' fact
Run all on one side as they're packt?
Nature has made man's breast no windores,
To publish what he does within doors ;* 370
Nor what dark secrets there inhabit,
Unless his own rash folly blab it.
If oaths can do a man no good
In his own bus'ness, why they shou'd,
In other matters, do him hurt, 375
I think there's little reason for't.
He that imposes an oath makes it,
Not he that for convenience takes it:
Then how can any man be said
To break an oath he never made ? 380
These reasons may perhaps look oddly
To th' wicked, tho' they evince the godly ;
But if they will not serve to clear
My honour, I am ne'er the near.
Honour is like that glassy bubble, 385
That finds philosophers such trouble :
Whose least part crack'd, the whole does fly.
And wits are crack'd to find out why.t
* Mnmus is said to have found fault with the frame of man,
because there were no doors nor windows in his breast, through
which his thoughts migiit be discovered. See an ingenious
paper on this subject in the Guardian, vol. ii. No. 106. Mr. But-
ier spells windore in the same manner where it does not rhyme.
Perhaps he thought that the etymology of the word was wind-
door.
t The drop, or bubble, mentioned in this simile, is made of
ordinary glass, of the shape and about twice the size described
in the margin. It is nearly solid. The thick part, at D
or E, will bear the stroke of a hammer; but if you ^^
break off the top in the slender and sloping jjart at
B or C, the whole will burst with a noise, and be
blown about in powder to a considerable distance.
The first establishers of the Royal Society, and many
philosophers in various parts of Europe, found it diffi- /f|
cult to explain this phenomenon. Monsieur Rohalt, *■ jS||^
in his Physics, calls it a kind of a miracle in nature,
and says, (part i. c. x.xii. ^ 47:) " Ed. Clarke lately
"discovered, and brought it hither from Holland,
"and which has travelled through all the universi-
"ties in Europe, where it has raised the curiosity,
" and confounded the reason of the greatest part of
" the philosophers :" he accounts for it in the follow-
ing manner. He says, that the drop, when taken hot
from the fire, is suddenly emersed in some appropriate hquor,
(cold water he thinks will break it,)* by which means the pores
• Here he is mistaken.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 233
Quoth Ralpho, Honour's but a word,
To swear by only in a lorit* 390
In other men 'tis but a huff
To vapour with, instead of proof;
That like a wen, looks big and swells,
Insenseless, and just nothing else.
Let it, quoth he, be what it will, 395
It has the world's opinion still.
But as men are not wise that run
The slightest hazard, they may shun.
There may a medium be found out
To clear to all the world the doubt ; 400
And that is, if a man may do't,
By proxy whipp'd, or substitute.t
Though nice and dark the point appear
Quoth Ralph, it may hold up and clear.
That sinners may supply the place 405
Of suffering saints, is a plain case.
Justice gives sentence, many times,
On one man for another's crimes.
Our brethren of New England use
Choice malefactors to excuse,t > 410
on the outside are closed, and the substance of the glass con-
densed; while the inside not cooling so fast, the pores are left
wider and wider from the surface to the middle : so that the air
being let in, and finding no passage, bursts it to pieces. To prove
the truth of his explication, he observes, that if you break off the
very point of it at A, the drop will not burst : because that part
being very slender, it was cooled all at once, the pores were
equally closed, and there is no passage for the air into the wider
pores below. If you heat the drop ^gain in the fire, and let
it cool gradually, the outer pores will be opened, and made as
large as the inner, and then, in whatever part you break it, there
will be no bursting. He gave three of the drops to three several
jewellers, to be drilled or filed at C D and E, but when they had
worked them a little way, that is, beyond the pores which were
closed, they all burst to powder.
* Lords, when they give judgment, are not sworn : they say
only upon my honor.
t Mr. Murray, of the bed-chamber, was whipping boy to king
Charles I. Burnet's History of his own Times, vol. i. p. 244.
t This story is asserted to be tnie, in the notes subjoined by
Mr. Butler to the early editions. A similar one is related by Dr.
Grey, from Morton's English Canaan, printed 1037. A lusty
young fellow was condemned to be hanged for stealing corn ; but
it was proposed in council to execute a bed-rid old man in the
offender's clothes, which would satisfy appearances, and pre-
serve a useful member to society. Dr. Grey mentions likewise
a letter from the committee of Stafford to speaker l.enthall, dated
Aug. 5,1045, desiring a respite for Henry Steward, a soldier undef
/he governor of Hartlebury castle, ami offering two Irishmen to
be executed in his stead. Ralpho calls them his brethren of
New England, because the inhabitants there were generally In-
234 nUDIBRAS. [Part n
And hang the guiltless in their stead ;
Of whom the churches Bave le&s need.
As lately 't happen'd : in a town
There liv'd a cobler, and but one,
That out of doctrine could cut use, 412
And mend men's lives as well as shoes.
This precious brother having slain,
In times of peace, an Indian,
Not out of malice, but mere zeal,
Because he was an infidel, 420
The mighty Tottipottimoy*
Sent to our elders an envoy.
Complaining sorely of the breach
Of league, held forth by brother Patch,
Against the articles in force 425
Between both churches, his and ours ;
For which he crav'd the saints to render
Into his hands, or hang th' offender ;
But they maturely having weigh'd
They had no more but him o' th' trade, 430
A man that serv'd them in a double
Capacity, to teach and cobble,
Resolv'd to spare him ; yet to do
The Indian Hoghan Meghan too
Impartial justice, in his stead did 435
Hang an old weaver that was bed-rid :
Then wherefore may not you be skipp'd,
And in your room another whipp'd?
For all philosophers, but the sceptic,t
Hold whipping may be sympathetic. 44l»
It is enough, quoth Hudibras,
Thou hast resolv'd, and clear'd the case ;
And canst, in conscience, not refuse.
From thy own doctrine, to raise use :t
I know thou wilt not, for my sake, 445
Be tender-conscienc'd of thy back :
dependents. In the ecclesiastical constitution of that province,
modelled according to Robinson's platform, there was a co-ordi-
nation of churches, not a subordination of one to another. John
de Laet says, prirnos colonos, iiti et illos qui postea accesserunt,
•potissimuni aut oninino fuisse ex coriim hominum secta, quos in
Anglia Brownistas et puritanos vocant.
* I don't know whether this was a real name, or an imitation
only of North American phraseology: the appellation of an in-
Uividual, or a title of office.
t The skeptics held that there was no certainty of sense ; arid
consequently, that men did not always know when they felt any
thing.
} A favorite e.xpression of the sectaries of those days.
Canto ii.J HUDIBRAS. 235
Then strip thee of thy carnal jerkin,
And give thy outward fellow a ferking ;
For when thy vessel is new hoop'd,
All leaks of sinning will be stopp'd. 450
Quoth Ralpho, You mistake the matter,
For in all scruples of this nature,
No man includes himself, nor turns
The point upon his own concerns.
As no man of his own self catches 455
The itch, or amorous French aches ;
So no man does himself convince.
By his own doctrine, of his sins :
And though all cry down self, none means
His own self in a literal sense : 460
Besides, it is not only foppish,
But vile, idolatrous, and popish,
For one man out of his own skin
To frisk and whip another's sin ;*
As pedants out of school boy's breeches 465
Do claw and curry their own itches.
But in this case it is profane,
And sinful too, because in vain ;
For we must take cm- oaths upon it
. You did the deed, when I have done it. 470
Quoth Hudibras, That's answer'd soon ;
Give us the whip, we'll lay it on.
Quoth Ralpho, That you may swear true,
'Twere properer that I whipp'd you ;
For when with your consent 'tis done, 475
The act is really your own.
Quoth Hudibras, It is in vain,
I see, to argue 'gainst the grain ;
Or, like the stars, incline men to
What they're averse themselves to do : 480 '
For when disputes are weary'd out,
Tis interest still resolves the doubt :
But since no reason can confute ye,
I'll try to force you to your duty ;
For so it is, howe'er you mince it ; 485
As, e'er we part, I shall evince it.
And curry, t if you stand out, whether
You will or no, your stubborn leather.
Canst thou refuse to bear thy part
* A banter on the popish doctrine of satisfactions,
t Coria perficere : or it may be derived from the Welsh knro^
to beat or pound. This scene is talten from Don Quixote.
236 HUDIBUAS. [Part n.
I' th' public work, base as thou art? ' 490
To higgle thus, for a few blows.
To gain thy Knight an op'lent spouse.
Whose wealth his bowels yearn to purehase,
Merely for th' int'rest of the churches ?
And when he has it in his claws, 495
Will not be hide-bound to the cause :
Nor shalt thou find him a curmudgin,*
If thou dispatch it without grudging :
If not, resolve, before we go,
That you and I must pull a crow. 500 '
Ye'ad best, quoth Ralpho, as the ancients
Say wisely, have a care o' th' main chance.
And look before you, ere you leap ;
For as you sow, y'are like to reap :
And were y' as good as George-a-green,t 503
I should make bold to turn agen :
Nor am I doubtful of the issue
In a just quarrel, as mine is so.
Is't fitting for a man of honour
To whip the saints, like Bishop Bonner ?t 51 o'
A knight t' usurp the beadle's ofiice,
For which y' are like to raise brave trophies ?
But I advise you, not for fear.
But for your own sake, to forbear ;
And for the churches,§ which may chance 515
From hence, to spring a variance,
And raise among themselves new scruples,
Whom common danger hardly couples,
Remember how in arms and politics.
We still have worsted all your holy tricks ;[] 520
Trepann'd yom- party with intrigue.
* Perhaps from the French coeur m6chant.
t A valiant hero, perhiips an outlaw, in the time of Richard
the First, who conquered Robin Hood and Little John. Me is
the same with the Finder of Wakefield. See Echard's History
of England, vol. i. 226. The Old Ballads ; Ben Jonson's play
of the Sad Shepherd; and Sir John Suckling's Pc«ins.
t Bishop of London in the reign of qaeen Mary: a man of
profligate manners and of brutal character. He sometimes
whipped the Protestants, who were in custody, with his own
hands, till he was tired with the violence of the exercise.
Hume's History of Mary, p. 378; Fox, Acts and Monuments ed.
1576, p. 1937.
§ It was very common for the sectaries of those days, however
attentive they might be to their own interest, to pretend that
they had nothing in view but the welfare of the churches.
II The Independents and Anabaptists got the army on theii
eide, and overpowered the Presbyterians.
f:
4.
J^^-''^
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 237
And took your grandees down a peg ;
New-modell'd the army, and cashier'd
All that to Legion Smec adher'd ;
Made a mere utensil o' your church, 52S
And after left it in the lurch ;
A scaffold to build up our own,
And when w' had done with 't, puU'd it down ;
O'er-reach'd your rabbins of the synod,
And snapp'd their canons with a why-not :* 530
Grave synod-men, that where rever'd
For solid face, and depth of beard.
Their classic model prov'd a maggot,
Their direct'ry an Indian pagod ;t
And drown'd their discipline like a kitten, 535
On which they'd been so long a sitting ;
Decry'd it as a holy cheat.
Grown out of date, and obsolete.
And all the saints of the first grass,t
As casting foals of Balaam's ass. 540
At this the Knight grew high in chafe, §
And staring furiously on Ralph,
He trembl'd, and look'd pale with ire,
Like ashes first, then red as fire.
Have I, quoth he, been ta'en in fight, 545
And for so many moons lain by't.
And when all other means did fail.
Have been exchang'd for tubs of ale ?||
* Some editions read, " capoch'd your rabbins," that is, blind-
folded ; but thiis word does not agree so well with the squire's
simplicity of expression. Why-not is a fanciful :erm used in
Butler's Remains, vol. i. p. 178 : it signifies the obliging a maa
to yield his assent; the driving him to a non plus, when he
knows not what to answer. It may resemble quidni in Latin,
and ri /n^c in Greek.
t The directory was a book drawn up by the assembly of di-
vines, and published by authority of parliament, containing
instructions to their ministers for the regulation of public wor-
ship. One of the scribes to the assenrbly, who executed a great
part of the work, was Adoniram Byheld, said to have been a
broken apothecary. He was the father of Byfield, the salvola-
tile doctor.
t The Presbyterians, the first sectaries that sprang up and op-
posed the established church.
$ Talibus esarsit dictis violentia Tnrni.
.a:neid. xi. 376.
II Mr. Butler, in his own note on these lines, says, " The knight
"was kept prisoner in Exeter, and after several changes pro-
" posed, but none accepted of, was at last released for a barrel
" of ale, as he used upon all occasions to declare." It is proba-
338 HUDIBRAS. [Part h
Not but they thought me worth a ransom,
Much more consid'rable and handsome ; 550
But for their own sakes, and for fear
They were not safe, when I was there ;
Now to be baffled by a scoundrel,
An upstart sect'ry, and a mungrel,*
Such as breed out of peccant humours 555
Of our own church, hke wens or tumours,
And li-ke a maggot in a sore,
Wou'd that which g;ive it life devour ;
It never shall be done or said :
With that he seized upon his blade ; 560
And Ralpho too, as quick and bold,
Upon his basket-hilt laid hold,
With equal readiness prepar'd,
To draw and stand upon his guard ;
When both were parted on the sudden, 565
With hideous clamour, and a loud one,
As if all sorts of noise had been
Contracted into one loud din ;
Or that some member to be chosen.
Had got the odds above a thousand ; 570
And, by the greatness of his noise,
Prov'd fittest for his country's choice.
This strange surprisal put the Knight
And wrathful Squire, into a fright ;
And tho' they stood prepar'd, with fatal 575
Impetuous rancour to join battle.
Both thought it was the wisest course
To wave the fight, and mount to horse ;
And to secure, by swift retreating.
Themselves from danger of worse beating ; 58C
Yet neither of them would disparage.
By utt'ring of his mind, his courage,
Which made them stoutly keep their ground.
With horror and disdain wind-bound.
And now the cause of all their feart 585
ble from hence that the character of Hudibras was in some of
its features drawn from Sir Samuel Luke.
* Knights errant sometimes condescended to address their
squires in this polite language. Thus Don Quixote to Sancho :
"Ilownow, opprobrious rascal! stinking garlic-eater! sirrah, I
" will take you and tit your dogship to a tree, as naked as your
"mother bore you."
t The poet does not suffer his heroes to proceed to open vio-
lence ; but ingeniously puts an end to the dispute, by introducing
them to a new adventure. The drollery of the following scene
Is inimitable.
Canto ii.] IIUDIBRAS. 239
By slow degrees approacli'd so near,
They might distinguish different noise
Of horns, and pans, and dogs, and boys.
And kettle-drums, whose sullen dub
Sounds like the hooping of a tub : 590
But when the sight appear'd ia view.
They found it was an antique shew ;
A triumph, that for pomp and state,
Did proudest Romans emulate :* ..
For as the aldermen of Rome S9S
Their foes at training overcome,
And not enlarging territory.
As some, mistaken, write in story ,t
Being mounted in their best array,
Upon a car, and who but they ? 600
And follow'd with a world of tall lads.
That merry ditties troU'd, and ballads,}:
Did ride with many a good-morrow.
Crying, hey for our town, thro' the borough ;
So when this triumph drew so nigh, 605
They might particulars descry,
They never saw two things so pat,
In all respects, as this and that.
First he that led the cavalcate.
Wore a sow-gelder's flagellet, 610
On which he blew as strong a levet,§
* The skimmington, or procession, to exhibit a woman who
had beaten her husband, is humorotisly compared to a Roman
triumph ; the learned reader will be pleased by comparing this
description with the pompous account of jEmilius's triumph, as
described by Plutarch, aud the satirical one, as given by Juvenal
in his tenth satire.
t The buildings at Rome were sometimes extended without
the ceremony of describing a pomoerium, which Tacitus and
Gellius declare no person to have had a right of extending, but
such a one as had taken away some part of the enemy's coun-
try in war; perhaps line .596 may allude to the London trained
bands. Our poet's learning and ideas here crowd upon him ss
fast, that he seems to confound together the ceremonies of en
larging the pomoerium, of a triumph at Rome, and other cere-
monies, with a lord mayor's show, exercising the train bands,
and perhaps a borough election.
+ The vulgar, and the soldiers themselves, had at triumphal
processions the liberty of abusing their general. Their invec-
tives were commonly conveyed in metre.
Ecce CcBsar nunc triumphat, qui subegit Gallias.
Nicomedes non triumphat, qui subegit Cssarem.
Suetonius in .lulio, 49.
^ Level is a lesson on the trumpet, sounded morning and
evening, Mr. Bacon says, on shipboard. It is derived from the
S40 HUDIBRAS. [Part a
As well-feed lawyer on his brev'ate,
When over one another's heads
They charge, three ranks at once, like Sweads :*
Next pans and kettles of all keys, 61i
From trebles down to double base ;
And after them upon a nag,
That might pass for a fore-hand stag,
A cornet rode, and on his staff,
A smock display'd did proudly wave. 620
Then bagpipes of the loudest drones,
With snuffling broken-winded tones ;
Whose blasts of air in pockets shut,
Sound filthier than from the gut.
And make a viler noise than swine 62IB
In windy weather, when they whine.
Next one upon a pair of panniers.
Full fraught with that which, for good manners,
Shall here be nameless, mix'd with grains,
Which he dispens'd among the swains, 630
And busily upon the crowd
At random round about bestow'd.
Then mounted on a horned horse,
One bore a gauntlet and gilt spurs,
Ty'd to the pommel of a long sword 635
He held reversed the point turu'd downward.
Ne.\t after, on a raw-bon'd steed.
The conqueror's standard-bearer rid.
And bore aloft before the champion
A petticoat display'd, and rampant ;t 64f!
Near whom the Amazon triumphant,
Bestrid her beast, and on the rump on't
Set face to tail, and bum to bum.
The warrior whilom overcome ;
Arm'd with a spindle and a distaff, 645
Which, as he rode, she made him twist off;
French reveiller, a term used for the morning trumpet among
the dragoons.
* This and the proceeding lines were added by the author in
1671. He has departed from the common method of spelling the
word Swedes for the sake of rhyme: in the edition of 1689, af-
ter his death, it was printed Sweeds. The Swedes appear to
have been the first that practised firing by two or three ranks at
a time : see Sir Robert Monro's Memoirs, and BarifT's Young
Artillery-man. Mr. Cleveland, speaking of the authors of the
Diurnal, says, " They write in the posture that the Swedes give
"fire in, over one another's heads."
t Alluding to the terms in which heralds blazon coats of
urns.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 241
And when he loiter'd, o'er her shoulder
Chastised the reformado soldier.
Before the dame, and round about,
March'd whifflers, and staffiers on foot.* 650
With lackies, grooms, valets, and pages,
In fit and proper equipages ;
Of whom some torches bore, some links,
Before the proud virago-minx.
That was both madam and a don,t 653
Like Nero's Sporus,t or pope Joan ;
And at fit periods the whole rout
Set up their throats with elam'rous shout.
The knight transported and the squire,
Put up their weapons and their Ire ; 660
And Hudibras, who us'd to ponder.
On such sights with judicious wonder.
Could hold no longer, to impart
His animadversions, for his heart.
* " A mighty whifler.'' See Shakspeare's Henry V. Act v
and Hanmer's note. Vifleur, in Lord Herbert's Henry VHI
Staffier, from estafette, a courier or express. [Mr. Douce in his
Illustrations of Shakspeare, vol. i. p. 506, says : " Some errors
" have crept into the remarks on this word which require correc-
" tion. It is by no means, as Ilanmer had conceived, a corrup-
" tion from the French huissier. He was apparently misled by-
" the resemblance which the office of a whirfler bore in modern
" times to that of an usher. The term is undoubtedly borrowed
" from whiffle, another name for a fife or small flute ; for whifflers
"were originally those who preceded armies or processions as
" tifers or pipers. Representations of them occur among the
" prints of the magnificent triumph of Maximilian [. In a note
" on Othello, Act iii. sc. iii., Mr. VVarton had supposed that
" whiffler came from what he calls ' the old French viffleur ;' but
"it is presumed that that language does not supply any such
"word, and that the use of it in the quotation from Rymer's
"■fmdera is nothing more than a vitiated orthography. In pro-
" cess of lime the term whiffler, which had always been used in
" the sense of a fifer, came to signify any person who went be-
" fore in a procession. Minsheu, in his Dictionary, 1617, defines
" him to be a club or stafl'-bearer."
■ Mr. Douce has not afforded us an instance of whiffler used as
a. fifer. Warton carries up the use of the word as an huissier to
1554, and certainly Shakspeare could have had no idea of its
piping meaning when he wrote :
" Behold, the English beach
" Pales in the flood with men, with wives, and boys,
"Whose shouts and claps out-voice the deep-moutk'd sea,
" Which, like a mighty whiffler 'fore the king,
"Seems to prepare his way: "
The whifflers who now attend the London companies in proces-
sions are freemen carrying staves.]
t A mistress and a master.
i See Suetonius, in the life of Nero.
11
242 HUDIBRAS. iPakt ii.
Quoth he, ia all ray life till now, 66S
I ne'er saw so profane a show ;
It is a paganish invention,
Which heathen writers often mention :
And he, who made it, had read Goodwin,
I warrant him, and understood him: 670
V With all the Grecian Speeds and Stows,*
That best describe those ancient shows ;
And has observ'd all fit decorums
We find describ'd by old historians :t
For, as the Roman conqueror, 67*
That put an end to foreign war,
Ent'ring the town in trimnph for it,
Bore a slave with him in his chariot ;1
So this insulting female brave
Carries behind her here a slave : 680
And as the ancients long ago,
When they in field defy'd the foe.
Hung out their mantles della guerre, §
So her proud standard-bearer here,
Waves on his spear, in dreadful mamier, 685
A Tyrian petticoat for banner.
Next links and torches, heretofore
Still borne before the emperor:
* Speed and Stowe wrote chronicles or annals of England, and
are well known English antiquaries. By Grecian Speeds and
Stows, he means, any ancient authors who have explained the
antiquities and customs of Greece : the titles of such books were
often, Ta -Karpia, of such a district or city. Thus Dicaearchus
wrote a book entitled, irtpi rou rfj; 'EWdSoi fiiov, wherein he
gave the description of Greece, and of the laws and cus-
toms of the Grecians: our poet likewise might allude to Pau-
sanias.
t The reader will, perhaps, think this an awkward rhyme ; but
the very ingenious and accurate critic. Dr. Loveday, to whom, as
well as to his learned father, I cannot too offjn repeat my ac-
knowledgments, observes in a letter with which he honored me,
that ill English, to a vulgar ear, unacquainted with critical dis-
quisitions on sounds, m and n sound alike. So the old saylngB,
among the common people taken for rhyme :
A stich In time
Saves nine.
Tread on a worm,
And it will turn.
Frequent instances of the propriety of this remark occur in Hu
dibras ; for example : men and them, exempt and innocent.
% curru servus portatur eodem. Juv. Sat. x. 42
$ Tunica coccinea solebat pridie quam dimicandum esset sk
£ra prsBtorium poni, quasi admonitio et indicium futurse pugni»
ipsias in Tacit.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 243
And, as in antique triumphs, eggs
Were borne for mystical intrigues ;* 690
There's one, with truncheon, like a ladle,
That carries eggs too, fresh or adle :
And still at random, as he goes,
Among the rabble-rout bestows.
Quoth Ralpho, You mistake the matter ; 695
For all th' antiquity you smatter
Is but a riding us'd of course.
When the grey mare's the better horse ;
When o'er the breeches greedy women
Fight, to extend their vast dominion, 700
And in the cause impatient Grizel
Has drubb'd her husband with bull's pizzle.
And brought him under covert-baron.
To turn her vassal with a murrain ;
When wives tlieir sexes shift, like hares,t 705
And ride their husbands like night-mares ;
And they, in mortal battle vanquish'd,
Are of their charter disenfranchis'd.
And by the right of war, like gills,t
Condemn'd to distaff, horns, and wheels : 7 10
For when men by their wives are cow'd.
Their horns of course are understood.
Quoth Hudibras, Thou still giv'st sentence
Impertinently, and against sense :
* In the orgies of Bacchus, and the games of Ceres, eggs were
carried and had a mystical import. See Banier, vol. i. b. ii. c. 5,
and Eosinus, lib. v. c. 14. Pompa producebatur cum deorum
Bignis et ovo. In some editions it is printed anticic, and means
mimic.
t Many have been the vulgar errors concerning the sexes and
copulation of hares: but they being of a very timid and modest
nature, seldom couple but in the night. It is said that the doe hares
have tumors in the groin, like the castor, and that the buck
hares have cavities like the hyena. Besides, they are said to be
relromingent.which occasioned the vulgar to make a confusion
in the sexes. When huntsmen are better anatomists and philo-
sophers, we shall know more of this matter. See Brown's Vul-
gar Errors, b. iii. c. 27. But our poet here chiefly means to ridi-
cule Dr. Bulwer's Artificial Changeling, p. 407, who mentions the
female patriarch of Greece, and pope Joan of Rome, and likewise
the boy Sportis, who was married to the emperor Nero : upon
which it was justly said by some, that it had been happy for the
empire, if Domitius, his father, had had none other but such a
wife. See what Herodotus says concerning the men of Scythia,
in his Thalia.
+ Gill, scortillum, a common woman: in the Scots and Irish
dialect a girl ; there never was a Jack but there was a Gill. See
Kelly's Scotch Proverbs, page 316. See also Chaucer's Miller's
Tale, and Gowor, Confess. Amant. and G. Douglas's Prologue,
page 45-3.
244 HUDIBRAS. [Part il
'Tie not the least disparagement 715
To be defeated by th' event,
Nor to be beaten by main force ;
That does not make a man the worse,
Altho' his shoulders, with battoon,
Be claw'd, and cudgell'd to some tune ; 720
A tailor's prentice has no hard
Measure, that's bang'd with a true yard J
But to turn tail, or run away,
And without blows give up the day ;
Or to surrender ere the assault, 725
That's no man's fortune, but his fault ;
And renders men of honour less
Than all th' adversity of success ;
And only unto such this shew
Of horns and petticoats is due. 730
There is a lesser profanation.
Like that the Romans call'd ovation :* ^
For as ovation was allow'd
For conquest purchas'd without blood ;
Ho men decree those lesser shows 735
For vict'ry gotten without blows.
By dint of sharp hard words, which some
Give battle with, and overcome ;
These mounted in a chair-curule,
Which moderns call a cucking stool, t 740
March proudly to the river side,
And o'er the waves in triumph ride ;
Like dukes of Venice, who are said
The Adriatic sea to wed ;t
And have a gentler wife than those 745
For whom the state decrees those shows.§
* At the greater triumph the Romans sacrificed an ox ; at the
lesser a sheep. Hence the name ovation. Plutarch, in the life
of Marcellus, " Ovandi, ac non triumphandi causa est, quum aut
"bella non rite indicia neque cum justo hoste gesta sunt; aut
" hostium nomen humile et non idoneum est, ut servorum, pirata-
" rumque ; aut deditione repente facta, impulverea, ut dici solet,
"incruentaque victoria obvenit." Aulas Gellius, v. 6.
t The custom of ducking a scolding woman in the water, was
common in many places. I remember to have seen a stool of this
kind near the bridge at Evesham in Worcestershire, not above
eight miles from Strensham, the place of our poet's birth. The
etymology of the term I know not: some suppose it should be
written choking-stool, others ducking-stool, and others derive it
from the French, coquine.
t This ceremony is performed on Ascension-day. The doge
throws a ring into the sea, and repeats the words, " Desponsa-
" nius te, mare, in signum veri et perpetui dominii."
$ Than the Roman worthies, who were honored with ova
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 245
But both are heathenish, and come
From th' whores of Babylon and Rome,
And by the saints should be withstood
As antiehristian and lewd ; 750
And we, as such should now contribute
Our utmost strugglings to prohibit.
This said, they both advanc'd, and rode
A dog-trot through the bawling crowd
T' attack the leader, and still prest 755
'Till they approach'd him breast to breast :
Then Hudibras, with face and hand.
Made signs for silence ;* which obtain'd.
What means, quoth he, this devil's procession
With men of orthodox profession? 760
'Tis ethnique and idolatrous.
From heathenism deriv'd to us.
Does not the whore of Bab'lon ride
Upon her horned beast astride,t
Like this proud dame, who either is 765
A type of her, or she of this ?
Are things of superstitious function.
Fit to be us'd in gospel sun-shine ?
It is an antiehristian opera
Much us'd in midnight times of popery ; 770
A running after self-inventions
Of wicked and profane intentions ;
To scandalize that sex for scolding,
To whom the saints are so beholden.
Women, who were our first apostles,^ 775
lions. Mr. Butler intimates that the sea is less terrible than a
scolding wife.
* Ergo ubi commota fervet plebecula bile,
Fert animus calids fecisse silentia turbee
Wajestate manus. Persius, Sat. iv. 6.
t See Revelation, xvii. 3.
t The author of the Ladies' Calling observes, in his preface,
' It is a memorable attestation Christ gives to the piety of women,
by making them the tirst witnesses of his resurrection, the
" prime evangelists to proclaim these glad tidings ; and, as a
" learned man speaks, apostles to the apostles." Some of the
Scotch historians maintain, that Ireland received Christianity
from a Scotch woman, who (irst instructed a queen there. But
our poet, I suppose, alludes to the zeal which the ladies showed
for the g^ood cause. The case of Lady Monson was mentioned
above. The women and children worked with their own hands,
in fortifying the city of London, and other towns. The women
of the city went by companies to fill up the quarries in the great
park, that they might not harbor an enemy ; and being called to-
gether with a drum, marched into the park with mattocks and
»pades. Annals of Coventry, MS. 1643.
246 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
Without wliose aid w' had all been lost else ;
Women, that left no stone unturn'd
In which the cause might be concern'd ;
Brought in their children's spoons and whistles,*
To purchase swords, carbines, and pistols : 780
Their husbands, cullies, and sweethearts,
To take the saints' and churches' parts ;
Drew several gifted brethren in,
That for the bishops would have been,
And fix'd them constant to the party, 185
With motives powerful and hearty :
Their husbands robb'd and made hard shifts
T' administer unto their giftst
All they could rap, and rend and pilfer,
To scraps and ends of gold and silver : 730
Rubb'd down the teachers, tir'd and spent
With holding forth for parliament jt
Pamper'd and edify'd their zeal
With marrow puddings many a meal :
Enabled them, witli store of meat, 795
On controverted points to eat ;§
And cramm'd them till their guts did ache
With caudle, custard, and plum-cake.
What have they done, or what left undone,
That might advance the cause at London ? 800
March'd rank and file, witli drum and ensign,
T' entrench the city for defence in :
* In the reign of Richard II., A. D. 1382, Henry le Spencer,
bishop of Norwich, set up the cross, and made a collection to
support the cause of the enemies of pope Clement. Collegerat
dictus episcopus innumerabilem et incredibilem summani pecu-
ni<e auri et argenti, atque jocaliurn, monilium, annulorum, dis-
corum, peciarmn, cocliariun), et aliorum ornanientorum, et prse-
cipue de dominabus et aliis mulieribus. Decern Scriptores, p
1671. See also South, v. 33.
t Thus, A. Cowley, in his Puritan and Papist :
She that can rob her husband, to repair
A budget priest that noses a long prayer.
t Dr. Echard in his Works, says of the preachers of those
times — " coiners of new phrases, drawers out of long godly
" words, thick pourers out of texts of Scripture, mimical squeak-
" ers and bel lowers, vain-glorious admirers only of themselves,
"and those of their own fashioned face and gesture: such as
" these shall be followed, shall have their bushels of China
" oranges, shall be solaced with all manner of cordial essences,
"and shall be rubb'd down with Holland of ten shillings an ell."
$ That is, to eat plentifully of such dainties, of which they
would sometimes controvert the lawfulness to eat at all. See P.
I. c. i. v. 225, and the following lines. Mr. Bacon would read tlie
last word treat.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 247
Rais'd rampires with their own soft hands,*
To put the enemy to stands ;
From ladies down to oyster-wenches 805
Labour'd like pioneers in trenches,
Fell to their pick-axes, and tools.
And help'd the men to dig like moles?
Have not the handmaids of the city
Chose of their members a committee, 810"
For raising of a common purse,
Out of their wages, to raise horse?
And do they not as triers sit,
To judge what officers are fit ?
Have they At that an egg let fly, 815
Hit him directly o'er the eye.
And running down his cheek, besmoar'd.
With orange-tawny slime, his beard ;
But beard and slime being of one hue,
The wound the less appear'd in view. 820
Then he that on tfie panniers rode.
Let fly on th' other side a load,
And quickly charg'd again, gave fully,
In Ralpho's face, another volley.
The knight was startled with the smell, 825
And for his sword began to feel ;
And Ralpho, smother'd with the stink,
Grasp'd his, when one that bore a link,
O' th' sudden clapp'd his flaming cudgel,
Like linstock, to the horse's touch-hole ;t 830
And straight another with his flambeau,
Gave Ralpho, o'er the eyes, a damn'd blov/.
The beasts began to kick and fling,
And forc'd the rout to make a ring ;
Thro' which they quickly broke their way, 835
And brought them off from further fray ;
And tho' disorder'd in retreat.
Each of them stoutly kept his seat :
For quitting both their swords and reins,
* When London was expected to be attacked, and in several
Bieges during the civil war, the women, and even the ladies oj
rank and fortune, not only encouraged the men, but worked with
their own hands. Lady Middlesex, Lady Foster, Lady Anne
Waller, and Mrs. Dunch, have been particularly celebrated for
their activity. The knight's learned harangue is here archly in-
terrupted by the manual witof onewho hits him in the eye with
a rotten egg.
t Linstock is a German word, signifying the rod of wood or
Iron, with a match at the end of it, used by gunners in firing
cannon. See P. i. o. ii. v. 843.
248 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
They grasp'd with all their strength the manes ; 840
And, to avoid the foe's pursuit,
With spurring put their cattle to't.
And till all four were out of wind,
And danger too, ne'er look'd behind.
After they'ad paus'd a while, supplying 845
Their spirits, spent with fight and flying,
And Hudioras recruited force
Of lungs, for actions or discourse.
Quoth he. That man is sure to lose
That fouls his hands with dirty foes : 850
For where no honour's to be gain'd,
'Tis thrown away in being maintain'd :
'Twas ill for us, we had to do
With so dishon'rable a foe :
For tho' the law of arms doth bar 855
The use of venom'd shot in war,*
Yet by the nauseous smell, and noisome,
Their case-shot savours strong of poison ;
And, doubtless, have been chew'd with teeth
Of some that had a stinking breath ; 860
Else when we put it to the push,
They had not giv'n us such a brush :
But as those poltroons that fling dirt,
Do but defile, but cannot hurt ;
So all the honour they have won, 86S
Or we have lost, is much at one.
'Twas well we made so resolute
A brave retreat, without pursuit ;
For if we had not, we had sped
Much worse, to be in triumph led ; 870
Than which the ancients held no state
Of man's life more unfortunate.
But if this bold adventure e'er
Do chance to reach the widow's ear,
It may, being destin'd to assert 875
Her sex's honour, reach her heart :
And as such homely treats, they say,
Portend good fortune,t so this may.
Vespasian being daub'd witli dirt,
Was destin'd to the empire for't ;t 880
* " Abusive language, and fustian, are as unfair in controversy
" as poisoned arrows or chewed liullets in battle."
t The original of the coarse proverja here alluded to, was the
glorious battle of Azincourt, when the English were so afflicted
with the dysentery that most of them chose to fight naked from
the girdle downward.
i Suetonius, in the life qf Vespasian, sect, v., says, " Cum
Canto ir.] HUDIBRAS. 249
And from a scavenger did come
To be a mighty prince in Rome :
And why may not this foul address
Presage in love the same success ?
Then let us straight, to cleanse our wounds, 085
Advance in quest of nearest ponds ;
And after, as we first design'd,
Sweai I've perform'd what she enjoin'd.
"aedilem eum C. Csesar (i. e. Caligula) succensens, luto jussisset
" oppleri, congesto per milites in prsptextcE sinum ; non defuerunt
" qui interpretarentur, quandoque proculcatarn desertanique rem-
" publicain civili aliqua perturbatione in tutelam ejus, ac velut
" in greniium deventurani." But Dio Cassius, with all his su
perstition, acknowledges that the secret meaning of the cir-
cumstances was not discovered till after the event. Mr. Butler
might here allude to a story which has been told of Oliver
Cromwell, afterwards lord protector. When young, he was in-
vited by Sir Oliver Cromwell, his uncle and god-father, to a feast
at Christmas ; and, indulging his love for fun, he went to the ball
with his hands and clothes besmeared with excrement, to the
great disgust of the company : for which the master of misrule,
or master of the ceremonies as he is now called, ordered him
to be ducked in the horse-pond. Memoirs of the Cromwell
Faoulv i'/ Mark Noble, vol. i. p. 98, and Bate's Elench. motuum.
n*
PART 11. CANTO III.
THE ARGUMENT.
The Knight, with various doubts possert,
To win the Lady goes in quest
Of Sidrophel the Rosy-crucian,
To know the dest'nies' resohition :
Witii whom being met, they both chop logi»
About the science astrologic.
'Till falling from dispute to fight,
, The conjurer's worsted by the Knight.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO III.*
Doubtless the pleasure is as great
Of being cheated, as to cheat ;t
As lookers-on feel most delight,
That least perceive a juggler's flight,
And still the less they understand, 5
The more th' admire his slight of hand.
Some with a noise, and greasy light,
Are snapt, as men catch larks by night,t
Ensnar'd and hamper'd by the soul,
As nooses by the legs catch fowl.§ 10
Some, with a med'cine, and receipt,
Are drawn to nibble at the bait ;||
* As the subject of this canto is the dispute between Hadibras
and an astrologer, it is prefaced by some reflections on the cre-
dulity of men. This exposes them to the artifices of cheats and
impostors, not only when disguised under the characters of law-
yers, physicians, and divines, but even in the questionable garb
of wizards and fortune-tellers.
t Swift, in the Tale of a Tub, (digression on madness,) places
happiness in the condition of being well deceived, and pursues
the thought through several pages. Aristippus being desired to
resolve a riddle, replied, that it would be absurd to resolve that
which unresolved aflbrded so much pleasure.
cui sic extorta voluptas,
Et demptus per vim mentis gralissimus error.
Ilor. lib. ii. epist. ii. 340.
t This alludes to the morning and evening lectures, which, in
those times of pretended reformation and godliness, were deliv-
ered by candle-light, in many churches, for a great i)art of the
year. To maintain, and frequent these, was deemed the great-
est evidence of religion and sanctity. The gifted preachers were
very loud. The simile is taken from the method of catching
larlts at night in some countries, by means of a low-bell and a
light.
6 Woodcocks, and some other birds, are caught in springes.
(l Are cheated of their money by quacks and mountebanks,
who beast of nostrums and infallible receipts. Even persons
who ought to have more discernment are sometimes taken in by
these cozeners. In later times, the admirers of animal magnet
252 HUDlijRAS. [Part u.
And tho' it be a two-foot trout,
'Tis with a single hair puU'd out.*
Others believe no voice t" an organ 15
So sweet as lawyer's in his bar-gown,1
Until, with subtle cobweb-cheats,
They're catch'd in knotted law, like nets ;
In which, when once they are iinbrangled.
The more they stir, tlje more they're tangled ; 20
And while their purses can dispute,
There's no end of th' immortal suit
Others still gape t' anticipate
The cabinet designs of fate.t
Apply to wizards, to foresee S5
What shall, and what shall never be ;§
And as tiiose vultures do forebode, ||
Believe events prove bad or good.
A flam more senseless than the roguery
Of old aruspicy and aug'ry,ir 30
That out of garbages of cattle
ism would probably have ranked with this order of wiseacres,
and been proper objects of Mr. Butler's satire.
* That is, thougli it be a sensible man, and one as nnlihely to
be catched by a medicine and a receipt, as a trout two feet long
to be pulled out by a single hair.
t In the hope of promised success many are led into broils and
snits, from which they are not able to extricate themselves till
they are quite ruined. See Aniniianus Marcellinns, lib. xxx
cap. 4, where the evil practices of the lawyers under Valens and
Valentinian, are strongly and inimitably painted : happy would
it be for the world, if the picture had not its likeness in modern
times, but was confined tu the decline of the Roman empire.
t A natural desire ; but if too much indulged, a notable instance
of human weakness.
$ O Liiertiade, quictjuid dicam ant erit, aut non.
Divinare eteuira uiagnus mihi donat Apollo.
Horat. Sat. lib. ii. Sat. v. v. 59.
II Vultures, birds of prey, are here put figuratively for astrolo-
gers: or the word may be used equivocally, as soothsayers took
their omens from eagles, vultures, ravens, and such birds.
ir Aruspicy was a kind of divination by sacrifice; by the be-
havior of the beast before it was slain ; by entrails after it was
opened ; or by the flames while it was burning. Augury was a
divination from appearances in the heavens, from thunder, light-
ning, &c , but more commonly from birds, their flight, chattering,
manner of feeding, &.c. Thus Ovid :
HiPC mihi non ovium fibrae, tonitrusve sinistri,
Linguave servatiE, pennave, dixit avis.
Ovid. Trist. lib. i. eleg. viii. 49.
Mirari se ajehat M. Cato, quod non rideret haruspex, hams
picem cum vidisset. TuUius de Divinat. ii. 24; et de Natura
beonun i. 26.
Canto m ] HUDIBRAS. 253
Presag'd th' events of truce or battle ;
From flight of birds, or chickens pecking,
Success of great'st attempts would reckon :
Tho' cheats, yet more intelligible 35
Than those that with the stars do fribble.
This Hudibras by proof found true.
As in due time and place we'll shew :
For he, with beard and face made clean,
Being mounted on his steed again, 40
And Ralpho got a cock-horse too,
Upon his beast, with much ado,
Advanc'd on for the widow's house,
T' acquit himself, and pay his vows ;
When various thoughts began to bustle, 45
And with his inward man to justle.
He thought what danger might accrue.
If she should find he swore untrue :
Or if his squire or he should fail,
And not be punctual in their tale, 50
It might at once the ruin prove
Both of his honour, faith, and love
But if he should forbear to go,
She might conclude he'ad broke his vow ;
And that he durst not now, for shame, 55
Appear in court to try his claim.
This was the penn'worth of his thought.
To pass time, and uneasy trot.
Quoth he, In all my past adventures
I ne'er was set so on the tenters, 60
Or taken tardy with dilemma.
That, ev'ry way I turn, does hem me,
And with inextricable doubt.
Besets my puzzled wits about :
For though the dame has been my bail, 65
To free me from enchanted jail.
Yet, as a dog committed close
For some offence, by chance breaks loose.
And quits his clog ; but all in vain,
He still draws after him his chain :* 70
* Persius applies this simile to the case of a person who Is
well inclined, but cannot resolve to be uniformly virtuous.
Nee tu, cum obstiteris semel, instantique negaris
Parere imperio, rupi jam vincula, dicas:
Ham et luctata canis nodum arripit ; attamen illi.
Cum fugit, a coUo tiahitur pars longa catenae.
Sat. V. V. 157.
254 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
So tho' my ancle s le as quitted,
My heart continues still committed ;
And like a bail'd and mainpriz'd lover,*
Altho' at large, I am bound over :
And when I shall appear in court 7S
To plead my cause, and answer for't,
Unless the judge do partial prove,
What will become of me and love ?
For if in our accounts we vary,
Or but in circumstance miscarry ; 80
Or if she put me to strict proof,
And make me pull my doublet off,
To shew, by evident record.
Writ on my skin, I've kept my word.
How^ can I e'er expect to have her, 8S
Having demurr'd unto her favour ?
But faith, and love, and honour lost,
Shall be reduc'd t' a knight o' th' post :t
Beside, that stripping may prevent
What I'm to prove by argument, 90
And justify I have a tail.
And that way, too, my proof may fail.
Oh ! that I could enucleate,!
And solve the problems of my fate ;
Or find, by necromantic art.§ 95
Kow far the dest'uies take my part ;
Yet triumph not ; say not, my bands are broke.
And I no more go subject to the yoke ;
Alas ! the struggling dog breaks loose in vain,
Whose neck still drags along a trailing length of chain.
Brewster.
Petrarch has applied this simile to love, as well as our au
thor.
* Mainprized signifies one delivered by the judge into the cus
tody of such as shall undertake to see him forthcoming at the
day appointed.
t This is, one who in court, or before a magistrate, will swear
as he hath been previously directed. I nave somewhere read
that such persons formerly plied about the portico in the Temple,
and from thence were called knights of the post ; and knights,
perhaps, from the knights templars being buried in the adjoining
church. [A hireling evidence : a knight dubbed at the whipping-
post, or pillory. Johnson's Dictionary by Todd.]
% Explain, or open ; an expression taken from the cracking of
a nut.
$ Necromancy, or the black art, as it is vulgarly called, is the
faculty of revealing future events, from consultation with de-
mons, or with departed spirits. It is called the black art, be-
cause the ignorant writers of the middle age, mistaking the
etymology, write it nigromantia: or because the devil was paint-
ed black.
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 255
For if I were not more than certain
To win and wear her, and her fortune,
I'd go no farther in this courtship,
To hazard soul, estate and worship : 100
For tho' an oath obliges not,
Where any thing is to be got,*
As thou hast prov'd, yet 'tis profane,
And sinful, when men swear in vain.
Quoth Ralph, Not far from hence doth dwell 105
A cunning man, hight Sidrophel,1'
That deals in destiny's dark counsels.
And sage opinions of the moon sells,t
To whom all people far and near,
On deep importances repair : 110
When brass and pewter hap to stray,
And linen slinks out of the way ;
When geese and pullen are seduc'd,§
And sows of sucking pigs are chows'd ;
When cattle feel indisposition, 115
And need the opinion of physician ;
When murrain reigns in hogs or sheep,
And chickens languish of the pip ;
When yeast and outward means do fail,
And have no pow'r to work on ale ; 120
When butter does refuse to come,|l
And love proves cross and humoursome ;
* The notions of the dissenters with regard to this, and other
points of a lilte nature, are stated more at large in some prece-
ding cantos.
t Some have thought that the character of Sidrophel was in-
tended for Sir Paul Neal ; but the author, probably, here meant
it for William Lilly, the famous astrologer and almanac maker,
who at times sided with the parliament. He was consulted by
the royalists, with the king's privity, whether the king should
escape from Hampton-court, whether he should sign the propo-
sitions of the parliament, &c., and had twenty pounds for his
opinion. See the life of A.Wood, Oxford, 1772, pp. 101, 102, and
Ills own life, in which are many curious particulars. Till the
king's afiairs declined he was a cavalier, but after the year 1645
he engaged body and soul in the causo of the parliament : he
was one of the close committee to consult about the king's exe-
cution. At the latter end of his life he resided at Hersham, in
the parish of Walton-upon-Thames, practised physic, and went
often to Kingston to attend his patients. But probably the most
profitable trade of Dee, Kelly, Lilly, and others of that class,
was that of spies, which they were for any country or party
that employed them. Might, that is called, from the A. S. hatan.
to call.
t i. e.the omens which he collects from the appearance of the
moon.
6 Pullen, that is, poultry.
I! When a country wench, says Mr. Selden in his Table Tal^
256 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
To him with questions, and with urine,
They for discov'ry flock, or curing.
Quoth Hudibras, This Sidrophel 12*
I've heard of, and shou'd like it well,
If thou canst prove the saints have freedom
To go to sorc'rers when they need 'em.*
Says Ralpho, There's no doubt of that ;
Those principles I've quoted late, 130
Prove that the godly may allege
For any thing their privilege,
And to the devil himself may go,
If they have motives thereunto :
For as there is a war between 135
The dev'i and them, it is no sin
If they, by subtle stratagem,t
Make use of him, as he does them.
Has not this present parl'ament
A ledger to the devil sent,t 140
Fully empower'd to treat about
Finding revolted witclies out?§
And has not he, within a year,
Hang'd threescore of em in one shire ?1|
Some only for not, being drown'd, 145
And some for sitting above ground.
Whole days and nights upon their breeches,
Not feeling pain, were hang'd for witches ;
And some for putting knavish tricks
Upon green geese and turkey-chicks, 150
Or pigs, that suddenly deceast.
Of griefs unnat'ral, as he guest ;
cannot get her butter to come, she says the witch is in the
churn.
* It was a question much apitated about the year 1570, Utrum
liceat homini christiano sortiariorum opera et auxilio uli.
t Dolus an Virtus, quis in hoste requirat?
t That is, an ambassador. The person meant was Hopkins,
the noted witch-tinder for the associated counties.
$ That is, revolted from the parliament.
11 It is incredible what a numlier of poor, sick, and decrepit
wretches were put to death, under the pretence of their being
witches. Hopkins occasioned threescore to be hung in one year,
in the county of Sutibjk. See Dr. Hutchinson, p. 59. Dr. Grey
says, he has seen an account of between three and four thousand
that suflered, in the king's dominions, from the year 1640 to the
king's restoration. " In December, J649," says Whitelock, " n^ny
"witches were apprehended. The witch-trier taking a pin, and
"thrusting it into the skin in many parts of their bodies; if they
"were insensible of it, it was a circumstance of proof against
"them. Octobe/, 1652, sixty were accused: much malice, little
"proof: though they were tortured many ways to make them
" confess."
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 257
Who after prov'd himself a witch,
And made a rod for his own breech *
Did not the dev'l appear to Martin 155
Luther in Germany for certain ?t
And wou'd have guli'd him with a trick,
But Mart was too, too politick
Did he not help the Dutch to purge,
At Antwerp, their catliedral church It 160
Sing catches to the saints at Mascon,§
And tell them all they came to ask him ?
Appear in divers shapes to Kelly,||
And speak i' th' nun of Loudon's belly ?1f
* Dr. Hutchinson, in his Historical Essay on Witchcraft, page
66, tells us, " that the country, tired of the cruelties committed by
"Hopkins, tried him by his own system. They tied his thumbs
" and toes, as he used to do others, and threw him into the water ;
"when he swam like the rest."
t Luther, in his book de Miss^ privata, says he was persuaded
to preach against the mass by reasons suggested to him by the
devil, in a disputation. Melchior Adamus says the devil appear-
ed to Luther in his own garden, in the shape of a black boar.
And the Colloquia mensalia relate, that when Luther was in
his chamber, in the castle at Wurtsburgh, the devil cracked some
nuts which he had in a box upon the bed-post, tumbled empty
barrels down stairs, &c.
t In the beginning of the civil war in Flanders, the common
people at Antwerp broke open the cathedral church, and destroy-
ed the ornaments. Strada, in his book de Bello Belgico, says,
that " several devils were seen to assist them; without whose
"aid it would have been impossible, in so short a time, to have
" done so much mischief."
5 Mascon is a town in Burgundy, where an unclean devil, as
he was called, played his pranks in the house of Mr. Perreand,
a reformed minister, ann. 1612. Sometimes he sang psalms, at
others bawdy \%rses. Mr. Perreand published a circumstantial
account of him in French, which at the request of Mr. Boyle,
who had heard the matter attested by Perreand himself, was
translated into English by Dr. Peter de Moulin. The poet calls
them saints, because they were of the Geneva persuasion.
II See Notes to lines 235-7-8. It may be proper to observe, that
the persons here instanced had made more than ordinary preten-
sions to sanctity, or bore some near relation to religion. On this
circumstance Ralpho founds his argument for the lawfulness of
the practice, that saints may converse with the devil. Dr. Ca-
Baubon informs us that Dee, who was associated with Kelly, em-
ployed himself in prayer and other acts of devotion, before he
entered upon his conversation with spirits. " Oratione dominie^
" tinita, et mori aliqua interposita, et aliquot ex psalterio precibus
"recitatis."
IT Sir Kenelm Digby, in his Treatise on the Sympathetic Pow-
der, says, " I could make a notable recital of such passions that
" happened to the nuns at Loudon ; but having done it in a par-
"ticular discourse, at my return from that country, in which 1
"as exactly as I could, discussed the point, I will forbear speak-
" ing thereof at this time." Grandier, the curate of London, was
ordered to be burned alive, A. D. 1634, by a set of judges com-
missioaed and ii fluenced by Richelieu ; and the prioress, with
358 HUDIBRAS. [Part ..
Meet with the parl'ament's committee, 165
At Woodstock, on a pers'nal treaty ?*
At Sarum take a cavalier,!
I' th' cause's service, prisoner?
As Withers, in immortal rhyme,
Has registerd to after-time. 170
Do not our great reformers use
This Sidropliel to forebode nevsrs ;t
To write of victories next year,
And castles taken, yet i' th' air?
Of battles fought at sea, and ships 175
Sunk, two years hence, the last eclipse ?§
half the nuns in the convent, were obliged to own themselves
bewitched. The prioress declared, that when the devil who had
possessed her had quitted her body, an angel impressed upon her
hand the words Jesus Maria Joseph F de Salis, Mr. Moconnois
made her a long visit, and she showed him the letters. He
scratched ofT a part of them, and supposed them to have been
made with blood and starch. Grandier was a handsome man,
ind very eloquent. Such magic had fascinated the prioress, and
subjected the nuns to their violent ardors. See Bayle's Dic-
tionary, Art. Grandier ; and Dr. Hutchinson's Historical Essay on
Witchcraft, p. 38.
* Dr. Plot, in his History of Oxfordshire, ch. viii., tells us how
the devil, or some evil spirit, disturbed the commissioners at
Woodstock, whither they went to value the crown lands, Octo
ber, 1G49.* A personal treaty was very much desired by the
king, and often pressed and petitioned for by great part of the na-
tion. The poet insinuates, that though the parliament refused
to hold a personal treaty with the king, yet tliey scrupled not to
hold one with the devil at Woodstock. [Readers, of all ages
and classes of the present day, are familiar with the devil's
pranks at Woodstock, through the agency of that great and
fascinating magician Walter Scott, who, following the mighty
Shakspeare, makes poetry and romance the two entertaining
substitutes for the more " honest" chronicles of history. He has
also introduced us to the Lescus of line 238 in his romance of
Kenil worth.]
t Withers has a long story, in doggerel verse, of a soldier of
the king's army, who being a prisoner at Salisbury, and drinking
a health to the devil upon his knees, was carried away by him
through a single pane of glass.
+ Lilly, Booker, Culpepper, and others, were employed to fore-
tel victories on tho side of the parliament. Lilly was a time-
serving rascal, who hesitated at no means of getting money. See
his life, written by himself.
§ Suppose we read since the last eclipse, or suppose we point
it thus:
Sunk two years since the last eclipse :
Lilly grounded lying predictions on that event. Dr. Grey says
his reputation was lost upon the false prognostic on the eclipso
• See Ihe Just Devil of Woodstock, or a true narrative of the several Appari-
tions, the Fris-lits and Punishments inflicted upon the rumpish Commissioner^^
byXijomas Widows, master of the free school at Northleach, Gloucestershire.
It was not printed till 1660, thoujfh the date put to it is 1649. See Bishop of Po-
tej borough's Register and Chronicle
Canto ni,J HUDIBRAS. 359
A total o'erthrow giv'n tho king
In Cornwall, horse and foot, next spring ?*
And has not he point-blank foretold
Whats'e'er the close committee would ? 186
Made Mars and Saturn for tiie cause,t
The Moon for fundamental laws,
The Ram, the Bull, the Goat, declare
Against the book of common prayer ?
The Scorpion take the protestation, '85
And Bear engage for reformation ;
Made all the royal stars recant.
Compound, and take the covenant ?t
Quoth Hudibras, The case is clear
The saints may 'mploy a conjurer, 190
As thou hast proved it by their practice ;
No argument like matter of fact is :
And we are best of all led to
Men's principles, by what they do.
Then let us strait advance in quest 195
Of this profound gymuosophist,§
And as the fates and he advise.
Pursue, or wave this enterprise.
This said, he tum'd about his steed,
And eftsoons on th' adventure rid : 200
Where leave we him and Ralph awhile,
And to the Conj'rer turn oiu* style,
that was to happen on the 29th of March, 1652, commonly called
Black Monday, in which his predictions not being fully answer-
ed, Mr. Heath observes, (Chronicle, p. 210:/ "That he was re-
garded no more for the future, than one of his own worthless
almanacs."
* It is certain that the parliament, in their reports of victories,
neither observed time or place. Cleveland, in his character of a
London diurnal, p. 113, says of Lord Stamford: "This cubit and
half of a commander, by the help of a diurnal, routed the enemies
fifty nules off." The subject here is not false reports, but false
predictions : the direct contrary happened to what is here said ;
the king overthrew the parliamentarians in Cornwall.
t Blade the planets and constellations side with the parlia-
ment; or, as bishop Warburton observes, the planets and signs
here recapitulated may signify the several leaders of the parlia-
mentary army — Essex, Fairfax, and others.
+ The author here evidently alludes to Charles, elector pala-
tine of the Rhine, and to king Charles the Second, who both took
the covenant.
§ The gymnosophists were a sect of philosophers in India, so
called from their going naked. They were much respected for
their profound knowledge ; and held in the same estimation
among their countr^'inen as the Chaldsi among the Assyrians,
the Magi among the Persians, and the Druids among the Gauls
and Britons
260 IIUDIBRAS. [Part il
To let our reader understand
What's useful of him beforehand.
He had been long t'wards mathematics, 205
Optics, philosophy, and statics,
Magic, horoscopy, astrology,
And was old dog at physiology ;
But as a dog, that turns the spit,*
Bestirs himself and plies his feet 210
To climb the wheel, but all in vain,
His own weight brings him down again ;
And still he's in the self-same place
Where at his setting out he was :
So in the circle of the arts 215
Did he advance his nat'ral parts,
Till falling back still, for retreat.
He fell to juggle, cant, and cheat :t
For as those fowls that live in water
Are never wet, he did but smatter ; 220
Whate'er he labour'd to appear,
His understanding still was clear ;t
Yet none a deeper knowledge boasted,
Since old Hodge Bacon, and Bob Grosted.§
Til' intelligible world he knew,|| 225
And all men dream on't to be true,
That in this world there's not a wart
* Mr. Prior's simile seems to have been suggested by this pas-
sage :
Dear Thomas, didst thou never see
('Tis but by way of simile)
A squirrel spend his little rage
In jumping round a rolling cage 1
But here or there, turn wood or wire,
He never gets two inches higher.
So fares it with those merry blades
That frisk it under Pindus' shades.
t The account here given of William Lilly agrees e.\aclly
with his life written by himself.
t Clear, that is, empty.
^ Roger Bacon, a Franciscan friar, flourished in the thirteenth
century. His penetration in most branches of philosophy was
the wonder of the age. Bayle says he wrote a hundred books,
many of them upon astronomy, geometry, and medicine. Robert
Grosted, or Grossa Testa, lived nearly at the same time with
Bacon. He wrote some treatises on astronomy and mathemat-
ics ; but his works were chiefly theological. Several books were
translated by him from the Greek language ; which if any un-
derstood in that age, he was sure, as Erasmus says, to be taken
for a conjuror.
II The intelligible world is spoken of, by some persons, as the
model or prototype of the visible world. See P. i. c. i. v. 535,
and note.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 261
That has not there a counterpart
Nor can there, on the face of ground,
An individual beard be found 230
That has not in that foreign nation,
A fellow of the self-same fashion ;
So cut, so colour'd, and so curl'd.
As those are in th' inferior world.
He'ad read Dee's prefaces before S35
The devil and Euclid o'er and o'er ;*
And all th' intrigues 'twixt him and Kelly,
Lescus and th' emperor, wou'd tell ye :t
But with the moon was more familiar
* Dr. John Dee, a Welshman, was admitted to the degree of
M. A. and had a testimonial from the university of Cambridge in
1548. He was presented l)y Edward VX. to the living of Upton upon
Severn, in Worcestershire, in the year 1552, when John Harley
was made bishop of Hereford. He gained great fame at the time
of Elizabeth and James I., by his knowledge in mathematics ;
Tycho Brahe gives him the title of pra-'stantissimus matheniati-
cus ; and Camden calls him nobilis mathematicus. He wrote a
preface to Euclid, and to Billingsley's Geometry, Epistola prae-
fixa Ephemeridi Johannis Felde, 1557; Epistola ad Commandi-
num prjElixa libello de superficiorum divisionibus, 1570; and
perhaps in the whole not less than fifty treatises. He began
early to have the reputation of a conjuror ; of which he griev-
ously complains in his preface to Euclid. This report, and his
pretended transactions with spirits, gave the poet occasion to
call it Dee's preface before the devil.
t Kelly was bora at Worcester, and bred to the business of an
apothecary there, about the year 1555. Sometimes he is called
Talbot. He was a famous alchymist, and Dee's assistant, his
seer or skryer, as he calls him. Uriel, one of their chief spirits,
was the promoter of this connection. Soon after a learned Po-
Jonian, Albert Alaski, prince of Sirad, whom Mr. Butler calls
Lescus, came into England, formed an acquaintance with Dee
and Kelly, and, when he left this country, took them and their
families with him into Poland. Next to Kelly, he was the great-
est confidant of Dee in his secret transactions. Camden speaks
of this Lescus in his Annals, 1583. "E Polonia RussIee vicina,
"hac OBtate venit in Angliam Albertus Alasco, Palatinus Siradi-
"ensis vir eruditus, barba promisissima," &c. From Poland,
Dee and Kelly, after some time, removed to Prague. They were
entertained by the emperor Rodolph II., disclosed to hii^ some
of their chymical secrets, and showed him the wonderful stone.
The emperor, in return, treated them with great respect. Kelly
was knighted by him, but afterwards imprisoned ; and he died
in i537. Dee had received some advantageous offers, it is said,
from the king of France, the emperor of Muscovy, and several
foreign princes. Perhaps he had given them some specimens
->f his service in the capacity of a spy. However, he returned
t.> England, and died very poor, at Mortlake in Surrey, in the
year 1008, aged 81. wou'd tell ye .—In the author's edition
it is printed, " would not tell ye." To raise the greater opinion
of his knowledge, he would pretend to make a secret of things
which he did not understand.
B63 HUDIBRAS. [Part u,
Than e'er was almanac well-wilier ;* 240
Her secrets understood so clear,
That some believ'd he had been there ;
Knew when she was in fittest mood
For cutting corns, or letting blood ;t
When for anointing scabs and itches, 245
Or to the bum applying leeches ;
When sows and bitches may be spay'd,
And in what sign best cider's made ;
Whether the wane be, or increase.
Best to set garlic, or sow pease ; 250
Who first found out the man i' th' moon,
That to the ancients was unknown ;
How many dukes, and earls, and peers,
Are in the planetary spheres.
Their airy empire, and command, 255
Their sev'ral strengths by sea and land ;
What factions they've, and what they drive at
In public vogue, or what in private ;
With what designs and interests
Each party manages contests. 260
He made an instrument to know
If the moon shine at full, or no ;
That would, as soon as e'er she shone, straight
Whether 'twere day or night demonstrate ;
Tell what her d'ameter to an inch is, 265
And prove that she's not made of green cheese.
It wou'd demonstrate, that the man in
The moon's a sea mediterranean ;t
And that it is no dog nor bitch
That stands behind him at his breech, 270
* The almanac makers styled themselves Well-willers to the
mathematics, or philomaths.
t Respecting these and other matters mentioned in the fol
lowing lines, Lilly and the old almanac makers gave particulai
directions. It appears from various calendars still preserved,
not to mention the works of Hesiod, and the apotelesnis of Ma-
netho, Maximus, and Julius Firmicus, that astrologers among
the Greeks and Romans conceived some planetary hours to be
especially favorable to the operations of husbandry and physic.
t The light of the sun being unequally reflected, and some
parts of the moon appearing more fully illuminated than otHfers,
on the supposition of the moon's being a terraqueous globe, it is
thought that the brighter parts are land, and the darker water
This instrument, therefore, would give a more distinct view of
those dusky figures, which had vulgarly been called the man ia
the moon, and discover them to be branches of the sea. In the Se-
lenography of Florentius Langrenus Johannes Hevelius, and
others, the dark parts are distinguished by the names of mare
crisium, mare serenitatis, oreanus pncellannn. &c.
Canto la] HUDIBRAS. 263
But a huge Caspian sea or lake,
With arms, which men for legs mistake ;
How largo a gulph his tail composes,
And what a goodly bay his nose is ;
How many German leagues by th' scale, 27S
Capo snout's from promontory tail.
He made a planetary gin,
Which rats would run their own heads in.
And come on purpose to be taken
Without th' expence of clieese or bacon ; 280
With lute-strings he would counterfeit
Maggots, that crawl on dish of meat ;*
Quote moles and spots on any place
O' th' body, by the index face ;t
Detect lost maidenheads by sneezing,t 285
Or breaking wind of dames, or pissing ;
Cure warts and corns, with application
Of med'cines to th' imagination ;
Fright agues into dogs, and scare.
With rhymes, the tooth-ach and catarrh ;§ 290
Chase evil spirits away by dint
* The small strings of a fiddle or lute, cut into short pieces,
and strewed upon warm meat, will contract, and appear like live
maggots.
t "Some physiognomers have conceited the head of man to
" be the model of the whole body ; so that any mark there will
" have a corresponding one on some part of the body." See
Lilly's life.
J Democritus is said to have pronounced more nicely on the
maid servant of Hippocrates. " Puellreque vitium solo aspectu
" deprehendit." Yet the eyes of Democritus were scarcely more
acute and subtle than the ears of Albertus Magnus : " nee minus
" vocis mutationem ob eandem fere causam : quo tantum signo
" ferunt Albertum Magnum, ex museo suo, puellam,ex vinopolio
" vinum pro hero deportanlem, in itinere vitialani fuisse depre-
" hendisse ; qubd, in reditu subinde, cantantis ex acuta ir gravi-
" orem mutatam vocem agnovisset." Gasper a Reies, in elysio
jucund. quEestion. campo. Lilly professed this art, and said no
woman, that he foind a maid, ever twitted him with his being
mistaken.
5 Butler seems to have raked together many of the baits for
human credulity which his reading could furnish, or he had
ever heard mentioned. These charms fur tooth-ache and coughs
were well known to the common people a few years since. The
word abracadabra, for fevers, is as old as Sammonicus. Haul
haul hista pista vista, were recommended for a sprain by Cato.
[Cato prodidit luxatis membris carmen auxiliare. Plin. Hist. Nat
xxviii.] Homer relates, that the sons of Autolycus stopped the
bleeding of Ulysses's wound by a charm. See Odyss xix. 457,
and Barnes' Notes and Scholia :
iitaoiSfj 5' aJ^a xiAaivov
"E(Txs$o'.
2B4 HUDIBRAS. FPart a
Of sickle, horseshoe, hollow flint ;*
Spit fire out of a walnut-shell,
Which made the Roman slaves rebel ;■!
And fire a mine in China here, 29S
With sympathetic gunpowder.
He knew whats'ever's to be known,
But much more than he knew would own.
What med'cine 'twas that Paracelsus
Could make a man with, as he tells us ;| 300
What figur'd slates are best to make.
On wat'iy surface duck or drake ;§
What bowling-stones, in running race
Upon a board, have swiftest pace ;
Whether a pulse beat in the black 305
List of a dappled louse's back ;I1
* These concave implements, particularly the horse-shoe, we
have often seen nailed to the threshold of doors in the country,
in order to chase away evil spirits.
\ Lucius Florus, Livy, and other historians, give the following
account of the origin of the servile war. There was a great
number of slaves in Sicily, and one of them, a Syrian, called
Eunus, encouraged his companions, at the order of the gods, as
he said, to free themselves by arms. He filled a nutshell with
fire and sulphur, and holding it in his mouth, breathed out flames,
when he spoke to them, in proof of his divine commission. By
this deception he mustered more than 40,000 persons.
t That philosopher, and others, thought that man might be
generated without connection of the sexes. See this idea ridi-
culed by Rabelais, lib. ii. ch. 27. " Et celeberrimus Athanasiua
" Kircherus, libro secundo mundi subterranei praclare et solidis
" rationibus, refutavit stultitiam nugatoris Paracelsi, qui (de gen-
" erat. rerum naturalium, lib. i.) copiose adniodum docere voluit
"ridiculam methodum generandi homunciones in vasis chemi-
" corum." P. 38, Franc. Redi de general, insectorum. The poet
probably had in view Bulvver's Artificial Changeling, who at
page 49U, gives a full account of this matter, both from Paracel-
sus and others.
§ The poet, by mentioning this play of children, means to in-
timate that Sidrophel was a smatterer in natural philosophy,
knew something of the laws of motion and gravity, though all
he arrived at was but childish play, no better than making ducks
and drakes.
II See Sparrmann's Voyage to the Cape of Good Hope, vol. ii.
p. 281. It was the fashion with the wits of our author's time to
ridicule the transactions of the Royal Society. Mr. Butler here
indulges his vein by bantering their microscopic discoveries. At
present every one must be inclined to adopt the rentiment ot
Co vley :
Mischief and true dishonor fall on those
\Vlio would to laughter or to scorn expose
So virtuous and so noble a design,
So human for its use, for knowledge so divine.
The things which these proud men despise, and call
Impertinent, and vain, and small,
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 265
If systole or diastole move
Quickest when he's in wrath, or love ;*
When two of them do run a race,
Whether they gallop, trot, or pace ; 310
How many scores a flee will jump,
Of his own length, from head to rump,t
Which Socrates and Chasrephon
In vain assay'd so long agone ;
Whether his snout a perfect nose is, 315
And not an elephant's proboscis ;t
How many diff 'rent specieses
Of maggots breed in rotten cheeses ;
And which are next of kin to those
Engendered in a chandler's nose ; 320
Or those not seen, but understood,
That live ia vinegar and wood.§
A paltry wretch he had, half starv'd,
Those smallest things of nature let me know,
Rather than all their greatest actions do !
The learned and ingenious Bishop Hurd delivers his opinion
i this passage in two lines from Pope :
But sense surt'ived when merry jests were past,
For rising merit will buoy up at last.
* Systole the contraction, and diastole the dilatation, of the
loort, are motions of that organ by means of which the circula-
tiou of the blood is effected. The passions of the mind have a
senslWe influence on the animal economy. Some of them, fear
and sorrow, cbill the blood and retard its progress. Other pas-
sions, and especially anger and love, accelerate its motion, and
cause the pulse to beat with additional strength and quickness.
t Arjiiophanes, in his comedy of the Clouds, Act i. sc. 2, in
trodnces a scholar of Socrates describing the method in which
Socrates, and his friend Chierephon, endeavored to ascertain
how many lengths of his own feet a flea will jump.— </'i'AXav
btriauv; ft^Xoiro toiis avTrig jrdSas, quot jiedes suos pulex salta-
ret. They did not measure, as our author says, by the length of
the body ; they dipped the feet of the flea in melted wax, which
presently hardened into shoes ; these they took off, and meas-
ured the leap of the flea with them. It is probable that this
representation had been received with pleasure by the enemies
of Socrates. In the banquet of Xenophon the subject is taken
up by one of the company : uXX' eliri iioi, Trdaous \]/v\\a irdiag
ifiov dir/xEi. Tavra yap at (pac\ ytiji\itTpuv — and is dismissed by
Socrates with a kind of cool contempt. Plato somewhere alludes
to the same jest. A flea had jumped from the forehead of Chie-
rephon to the head of Socrates, which introduced the inquiry.
t Microscopic inquirers tell us that a flea has a proboscis,
somewhat like that of an elephant, but not quite so large.
$ The pungency of vinegar is said, by some, to arise from tb«
bites of animalcules which are contained in it. For these dis-
coveries see Hook's raicographical observations.
12
268 HUDIBRAS, [Paht li.
That him in place of Zany serv'd,*
Hight Whachum, bred to dash and cJ-aw, 323
Not wine, but more unwholesome law ;
To make 'twixt words and lines huge gaps,t
Wide as meridians in maps ;
To squander paper, and spare ink,
Or cheat men of their words, some think 330
From this by merited degrees
He'd to more high advancement rise,
To be an under-conjurer.
Or journeyman astrologer :
His bus'ness was to pump and wheedle, 335
And men with their own keys unriddle ;t
To make them to themselves give answers.
For which they pay the necromancers ;
To fetch and carry intelligence
Of whom, and what, and where, and whence, 340
And all discoveries disperse
Among th' whole pack of conjurers ;
What cut-purses have left with them,
For the right owners to redeem,
And what they dare not vent, find out, 34j
To gain themselves and th' art repute ;
Draw figures, schemes, and horoscopes,
* A Zany is a buffoon, or Merry Andrew, designed to assist
the quack, as the ballad-singer does the cut-purse or pickpocket.
Some have supposed this character of Whachum to have been
intended for one Tom Jones, a foolish Welshman. Others think
it was meant for Ricliard Green, who published a pamphlet en-
titled " Hudibras in a snare." The word zany is derived by
some from the Greek aavvas, a fool, Tl,avvos ; (see Eustath. ad.
Odyss. xxii. and Meursii Glossar. Gr:cco-barb.,) by others from the
Venetian Zani, abbreviated from giovanni.
t As the way of lawyers is in their bills and answers in chan
eery, where they are paid so much a sheet.
X Mencitenius, in his book de Charlataneria Eruditorum, ed
Amst. 1747, p. 192, tells this story: Jactabat empiricus quidam,
se ex solo urina; aspectu non solum de morbis omnibus, sed etde
illorum causis, qtiaecunque demum ilia fuerint, sive natura, sive
sors tulisset, certissime cognoscere ; interim ille ita instruxerat
servulos suos, ut callide homines ad se accedentes explorarent,
et de his, qus comperta haberent, clam ad se referrent. — Acce
dit mulier paupercula cum lotio mariti, quo vix viso, maritus
tuus, inquit, per scalas domus infausto casu decidit. Turn ilia
admirabunda, istudne, ait, ex urina intelligis ■? Imo vero, inquit
empiricus, et nisi me omnia fallunt, per quindecim scalK gradus
delapsus est. At cum ilia, utique viginti se numerasse referret,
hie velut indignatus qua;rit : num omnem secum urinam attulis-
set : atque, ilia negante, quod 'vasculum materiam omnem non
caperet : itaque, ait, effudisti cum urina quinque gradus illos,
qni niihi ad numerum deerant.— 1 wonder this story escaped Dr,
Cakto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 267
Of Newgate, Bridewell, brokers' shops,
Of thieves ascendant in the cart,*
And find out all by rules of art : 330
Which way a serving-man, that's ruu
With clothes or money away, is gone ;
Who pick'd a fob at holding-forth,
And where a watch, for half the worth,
May be redeem'd ; or stolen plate 355
Restor'd at conscionable rate.
Beside all this, he serv'd his master
In quality of poetaster.
And rhymes appropriate could make
To ev'ry month i' th' almanack ; 360
When terms begin, and end, could tell.
With their returns, in doggerel ;
When the exchequer opes and shuts,
And sowgelder with safety cuts ;
When men may eat and drink their fill, 365
And when be temp'rate, if they will ;
When use, and when abstain from vice.
Figs, grapes, phlebotomy, and spice.
And as in prisons mean rogues beat
Hemp for the service of the great,t 370
So Whachum beat his dirty brains
T' advance his master's fame and gains,
And like the devil's oracles.
Put into dogg'rel rhymes his spells,t
Which, over ev'ry month's blank page 375
I' th' almanack, strange bilks presage.§
He would an elegy compose
On maggots squeez'd out of his nose ;
In lyric numbers write an ode on
His mistress, eating a black-pudding ; 380
And, when imprison'd air escaped her.
It puft him with poetic rapture :
His sonnets charm'd th' attentive crowd,
By wide-mouth'd mortal troll'd aloud.
That, circled with his long-ear'd guests, 385
* Ascendant, a term in astrology, is here equivocal.
t Petty rogues in Bridewell pound hemp ; and it may happen
that the produce of tiieir labor is employed in halters, in which
greater criminals are hanged.
t Plutarch has a whole treatise to discuss the question, why
Apollo had ceased to deliver his oracles in verse : which brings
on an incidental inquiry why his language was often bad, and
his verses defective.
$ Bilk is a Gothic word, signifying a cheat or fraud: it signi
fies ijjcewlse to baulk or disappoint
268 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
Like Orpheus, lock'd among the beasts :
A carman's horse could not pass by,
But stood ty'd up to poetry :
No porter's burden pass'd along,
But serv'd for burden to his song : 391
Each window like a pill'ry appears,
With heads thrust tliro' nail'd by the ears ;
All trades run in as to the sight
Of monsters, or their dear delight,
The gallow-tree,* when cutting purse 393
Breeds bus'ness for heroic verse.
Which none does liear, but would have hmig
T' have been the theme of such a song.t
Those two together long had liv'd,
In mansion, prudently contriv'd, 400
Where neither tree nor house could bar
The free detection of a star ;
And nigh an ancient obelisk
Was rais'd by him, found out by Fisk,
On which was written not in words, 405
But hieroglyphic mute of birds,t
Many rare pithy saws, concerning^
The worth of astrologic learning :
* Thus Cleveland, in his poem entitled the Rebel Scot :
A Scot when from the gallow-tree got loose,
Drops into Styx, and turns a Soland goose,
t The author perhaps recollected some lines in Sir John Den
ham's poem on the trial and death of the earl of Stratford :
Such was his force of eloquence, to make
The hearers more concern'd tlian he that spake ;
Each seem'd to act that part he came to see,
And none was more a looker on than he ;
So did lie move our passions, some were known
To wish, for the defence, the crime their own.
When Mars and Venus were surprised in Vulcan's net, and
the deities were assembled to see them, Ovid says :
aliquis de dis non tristibus optet
Sic fieri turpis Metamorph. lib. iv, 187.
J Fisk was a quack physician and astrologer of that time, and
an acquaintance of William Lilly, the almanac maker and prog
noslicator. " In the year 1663," says Lilly in his own life, " I
" became acq-iainted with Nicholas Fisk, licentiate in physic,
" born in Suflblk, fit for, but not sent to, the university. Study-
"ing at home astrology and physic, which he afterwards prac-
" tised at Colchester :" He had a pension from the parliament;
and during the civil war, and the whole of the usurpation, prog
nosticated on that side. [Mute. The dung of birds. Todd in
his edition of Johnson, with this passage quoted.]
5 Pithy, that is, nervous, witty, full of sense and meaning,
like a proverb. Saw that is, say, or saying, from A. S. Doaglas
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 269
From top of this there hung a rope,
To which he fasten'd telescope ;* 410
Tlie spectacles with which the stars
He reads in smallest characters.
It happened as a boy, one night.
Did fly his tarsel of a kite,t
The strangest long-wing'd hawk that flies 413
That, like a bird of Paradise,
Or herald's martlet, has no legs,}:
Nor hatches young one*, nor lays eggs ;
His train was six yards long, milk white.
At til' end of which there hung a light, 420
Enclos'd in lanthorn made of paper,
applies it to any saying, (p. 143, v. 52,) and once in a bad sense
to indecent language :
Nu rist with sleath, and many unseemly saw
Quhare schame is loist. P. 90, v. 15.
* Refracting telescopes were formerly so constructed as to re-
quire such an awkward apparatus. Hugenius invented a teles-
cope without a tube. The object glass was fixed to a long pole,
and its a.\is directed towards any object by a string, which pass-
ed down froui the glass above to the eye-glass below. He pre-
sented to the Royal Society an object glass of one hundred and
twenty-three feet focal distance, with an apparatus belonging to
it, which he had made himself. It is described in his Astroco-
pia compendiaria tubi optici moliniine liberata, Hague, 1684.
t Tiersel, or tiercelet. as the French call the male hawk,
which is less in the body by a third part than the female, from
whence it hath the name. Lord Bacon says it is stronger and
more courageous than the female.
t The bird of Paradise, or the Pica Paradis^a of Linnsus.
Tlie manucodiata of Edwards and Ray, The Portuguese first
saw them in Gilolo, Papua, and New Guinea : many idle tables
have been propagated concerning these birds, among which are
to be reckoned, that they have no feet, pass their lives in the
air and feed on that element: but it is found that the feet are
cutoff, that the birds may dry the better, and the scapular feath-
ers prevent their sitting on trees in windy weather. Natural-
ists describe many species, but the Paradisa;a apodo,. or greater
bird of Paradise is generally about two feet in length. See La-
tham, Syn. ii. 47. Index, i. 164, and Essay on India, by John
Reinhold Forster, p. 17. Martlets are painted by the heralds
without legs, or with very short ones, scarcely visible. In Le
Blanc's Travels, p. 115, we are told of the birds of Paradise, that
they are kept in a cage in the Sultan's garden, and are thought
by Europeans to have no legs. Lord Bacon has the following
passage in his Works, fol. vol. iv. p. 325 : " The second reason
"that made me silent was, because this suspicion and runmur
"of undertaking settles upon no person certa"n: it is like the
" birds of paradise, that they have in the Indies, that have no
• " feet, and therefore never light upon any place, but the wind
"carries them away. And such a thing I take this rumour to
"be." Pliny, in his Natura History, has a chapter de Apodibu%
lib.x. ch.39.
270 IIUDIBRAS, [Part li
That fai off like a star did appear :
Tliis Sidrophel by chance espy'd,
And with amazement staring wide :
Bless us, quoth he, what dreadful wonder 42S
Is that appears in heaven yonder ?
A comet, and without a beard !
Or star, that ne'er before appear'd !
I'm certain 'tis not in the scrowl
Of all those beasts, and fish, and fowl,* 430
With which, like Indian plantations,
The learned stock the constellations ;t
Nor those that, drawn for signs, have been
To th' houses where the planets inn.t
It must be supernatural, 435
Unless it be that cannon-ball
That, shot i' the air, point-blank upright,
Was borne to that prodigious height,
That, learn'd philosophers maintain.
It ne'er came backwards down again, § 440
But in the airj' regions yet
Hangs, like the body o' Mahomet :1|
* Astronomers, for the help of their memory, and to avoid
giving names to every star in p;irticular, have divided them into
constellations oi companies, which they have distinguished by
the names of several beasts, birds, fishes, &c., as they fall with-
in the compass which the forms of these creatures reach to.
Butler, in his Genuine Remains, vol. i. page 9, says :
Since from the greatest to the least,
All other stars and constellations
Have cattle of all sorts of nations.
This distribution of the stars is very ancient. Tully mentions
it from Aratus, in nearly the same terirjs which are used in our
astronomical tables. The divisions are called houses by the as-
trologers.
t Cosmographers, in their descriptions of the world, when
they found many vast places, whereof they knew nothing, are
used to fill the same with an account of Indian plantations,
strange birds, beasts, &c. So historians and poets, says Plutarch,
embroider and intermix the tales of ancient times with fictions
and fabulous discoveries.
i Signs, a pun between signs for public houses, and signs or
constellations in the heavens. Aratus and Eratosthenes. — The
Ca'asterismoi of the latter, printed at the end of Fell's Aratus,
are nearly as old as Aratus himself See also Hall's Virgidemi-
aruin, book ii. Sat. vii. v. 29.
§ Some foreign philosophers directed a cannon against the
zenith ; and, having fired it, could not find where the ball fell i
from whence it was conjectured to have stuck in the moon l>ss
Cartes imagined that the ball remained in the air
II The improbable story of Mahomet's body being suspended
in an iron chest, between two great loadstones, is refuted by Mr
Sandys and Dr. Prideaux.
Canto hi,] HUDIBRAS. 271
For if it be above the shade,
That by the earth's round bulk is made,
'Tis probable it may from far, 445
Appear no bullet, but a star.
This said, he to his engine Sew,
Plac'd near at hand, in open view.
And rais'd it, till it levell'd right
Against the glow-worm tail of kite ;* 451
Then peeping thro', Bless us ! quoth he.
It is a planet now I see ;
And, if I err not, by his proper
Figure, that's like tobacco-stopper,t
It should be Saturn : yes, 'tis clear 45C
'Tis Saturn ; but what makes him there ?
He's got between the Dragon's tail,
And farther leg behind o' th' Whale ;t
Pray heav'n divert the fatal omen,
For 'tis a prodigy not common, 4C0
And can no less than the world's end,
Or nature's funeral, portend.
With that, he fell again to pry
Thro' perspective more wistfully,
When, by mischance, the fatal string, 465
That kept the tow'ring fowl on wing,
Breaking, down fell the star. Well shot,
Quoth Whachum, who right wisely thought
He' ad levell'd at a star, and hit it ;
But Sidrophel, more subtle-witted, 470
Cry'd out, What horrible and fearful
Portent is this, to see a star fall !
It threatens nature, and the doom
Will not be long before ii come !
* The luminous part of the glow-worm is the tail.
t This alludes to the symbol which astronomers use to denote
the planet Saturn ( ^ ), and astrologers use a sign not much ud-
like it. It is no wonder Sidrophel should be puzzled to know
for certain whether it was Saturn or not, as the phases of Sattun
are very various and extraordinary, and long perplexed the as-
tronomers, who could not divine the meaning of such irregular-
ity; thus Hevelius observes, that he appears sometimes vwno-
tpherical, sometimes trispherical, spherico-ansated, elliptico-an-
*o£ed, and spherico-cv spi dated ; but Huygens reduced all these
phases to three principal ones, round, brachiated, and ansated.
See Chambers's Dictionary, art. Saturn.
t Sidrophel, the star-gazer, names any two constellations he
can think of: or rather the poet designs to make him blunder,
by fixing on those which are far distant from each other, on
different sides of the equator ; and also by talking of the
whale's hinder leg. On some old globes the whale is described
with leas.
272 HUDIBRAS. [Part d.
When stars do fall, 'tis plain enough 473
The day of judgment's not far off;
As lately 'twas reveal'd to Sedgwick,*
And some of us find out by magick ;
Then, since the time we have to live
In this world's shorten'd, let us strive 48fl
To make our best advantage of it,
And pay our losses with our profit.
This feat fell out not long before
The Knight, upon the forenam'd score.
In quest of Sidrophel advancing, 485
Was now in prospect of the mansion ;
Whom he discov'ring, turn'd his glass,
And found far off 'twas Hudibras.
Whachum, quoth he, Look yonder, some
To try or use our art are come : 490
The one's the learned Knight ; seek out.
And pump 'em what they como about.
Whachum advanc'd, with all submiss'ncss
T' accost 'em, but much more their business :
He held the stirrup, while the Knight 495
From leathern bare-bones did alight ;
And, taking from his hand the bridle,
Approach'd the dark Squire to unriddle.
He gave him first the time o' th' day,t
And wclcom'd him, as he might say: 500
He ask'd him whence they came, and whither
Their business lay? Quoth Ralpho, Hither.
Did you not lose U — Quoth Ralpho, Nay.
Quoth Whachum, Sir, I meant your way ?
Your Knight — Quoth Ralpho, Is a lover, 505
And pains intol'rable doth suffer ;
For lovers' hearts are not their own hearts,
Nor lights, nor lungs, and so forth downwards.
* Will. Sedgwick was a whimsical fanatic preacher, settled by
the parliament in the city of Ely. He pretended much to reve-
lations, and was called the apostle of the Isle of Ely. He gave
out that the approach of theday of judgment had been disclosed
to him in a vision : and going to the house of Sir Francis Russel,
in Cambridgeshire, where he found several gentlemen, he warned
them all to prepare themselves, for the day of judgment would
be some daj in the next week.
t He bade him good evening : see line 540.
j He supposes they came to inquire after something stolen
or strayed; the usual case with people when they apply to the
cunning man. In these lines we must observe the artfulness oi
Whachum, who pumps the squire concerning the knight's busi-
ness, and afterwards relates it to Sidrophel in the presence of
>oth of them.
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 273
What time ? — Quoth Ralpho, Sir, too long,
Three yeai-s if off and on has hung — 510
Quoth he, I meant what time o' th' day 'tis.
Quoth Ralpho, between seven and eight 'tis,
Why then, quoth Whachum, my small art
Tells me the Dame has a hard heart.
Or great estate. Quoth Ralph, A jointure, 515
Which makes him have so hot a mind t' her.
Mean-while the Knight was making water,
Before he fell upon the matter :
Which having done, the Wizard steps in.
To give him a suitable reception ; 520
But kept his business at a bay.
Till Whachum put him in the way ;
Who having now, by Ralpho's light.
Expounded th' errand of the Knight,
And what he came to know, drew near, 525
To whisper in the Conj'rer's ear.
Which he prevented thus : What was't,
Quoth he, that I was saying last,*
Before these gentlemen arriv'd?
Quoth Whachum, Venus you retriev'd, 530
In opposition with Mars,
And no benign and friendly stars
T' allay the effect.t Quoth Wizard, So:
In Virgo? ha! Quoth Whachum, No:t
Has Saturn nothing to do in it ;§ 535
One tenth of 's circle to a minute !
'Tis well, quoth he — Sir you'll excuse
This, rudeness I am forc'd to use ;
It is a scheme, and face of heaven,
As th' aspects are dispos'd this even, 540
* To prevent the suspicion which might be created by whis-
pering, he causes Whachum to relate his intelligence aloud, in
tne cant terms of his own profession.
t There should be no comma after the word retriev'd ; it here
signifies found, observed, from the French retrouver. Venus, the
goddess of love, opposes and thwarts Mars, the god of war, and
there is likely to be no accord between them. By which he
gives him to understand, that the knight was in love, and had
small hopes of success.
X Is his mistress a virgin ^ No.
^ Saturn, Kpdvog, was the god of time. The wizard by these
words inquires how long the love aflair had been carried on.
Whachum replies, one tenth of his circle to a minute, or three
years ; one tenth of the thirty years in which Saturn finishes
his revolution, and exactly the time which the knight's court-
ship had been pending.
12*
274 HUDIBRAS. [Fart a.
I was contemplating upon
When you arriv'd ; but now I've done.
Quoth Hudibras, If I appear
Unseasonable in coming here
At such a time, to interrupt 545
Your speculations, which I hop'd
Assistance from, and come to use,
'Tis fit that I ask your excuse.
By no means, Sir, quoth Sidrophel,
The stars your coming did foretel ; 550
I did expect you here, and knew.
Before you spake, your business too.*
Quoth Hudibras, Make that appear,
And I shall credit whatsoe'er
You tell me after, on your word, 555
Howe'er unlikely, or absurd.
You are in love, Sir, with a widow,
Quoth he, that does not greatly heed you,
And for three years has rid your wit
And passion, without drawing bit ; 560
And now your business is to know
If you shall carry her, or no.
Quoth Hudibras, You're in the right,
But how the devil you come by't
I can't imagine ; for the stars, 565
I'm sure, can tell no more than a horse :
Nor can their aspects, tho' you pore
Your eyes out on 'em, tell you more
Than th' oracle of sieve and sheers,t
That turns as certain as the spheres : 570
But if the Devil's of your counsel.
Much may be done, my noble donzel ;|
* In some editions we read, Know before you speak.
t "Put a paire of sheeres in the rim of a sieve, and let two
" persons set the tip of each of their forefingers upon the upper
" part of the sheers, holding it with the sieve up from the ground
"steddilie, and ask Peter and Paul whether A. B. or C. hath
"stolne the .hing lost, and at the nomination of the suilty per-
"son the sieve will turn round." Scot's Discovery of Witchcraft,
book xii. ch. xvii. p. 262. The «o<riciv(5/iavT(j, or diviner by a
sieve, is mentioned by Theocritus Idyll, iii. 31 Tlie Greek prac-
tice differed very little from that which has been stated above.
They tied a thread to the sieve, or fixed it to a pair of shears,
which they held between two finjers. After addressing them-
selves to the gods, they repeated the names of the suspected
persons; and he, at whose name the sieve turned round, was
adjudged guilty. Potter's Gr. Antiq. vol. i. p. 352.
} A sneering kind of appellation : donzel being a diminutive
&om don. Butler says, in his character of a squire of Dames,
C^NTo ui.J HUDIBRAS. 375
And 'tis on this account I come,
To know from you my fatal doom.
Quoth Sidrophel, If you suppose, 575
Sii- Knight, that I am one of those,
[ might suspect and take the alarm,
Vour business is but to inform :*
But if it be, 'tis ne'er the neai'.
You have a wrong sow by the ear ;• ftSl
For I assure you, for my part,
1 only deal by rules of art ;
Such as are lawful, and judge by
Conclusions of astrology ;
But for the devil ; know nothing by him, 585
But only this, that I defy him.
Quoth he, Whatever others deem ye,
I understand your metonymy ;t
Your words of second-hand intention,!
When things by wrongful names you mention ; 590
(vol. ii. p. 370,) " he is donzel to the damzels, and gentleman
" usher daily waiter on the ladies, that rubs out his time in ma-
" king legs and love to them." The word is likewise used in
Ben Jonson's Alchymist. [" Donid del Phcho. A celebrated
" hero of romance in the Mirror of Knighthood, &c. Donzel is
" from the Italian, donicllo, and means a squire, or young man ;
" or, as Florio says, ' A dainosell, a bacheler,' &c. He seems al-
" ways united with Rosiclear.
" Defend thee powerfully, marry thee sumptuously, and keep
'' thee in despite of Rosiclear or Donzel del Pliebo.
" Malcontent, O. PI. iv. 92.
" Donzel del Phtbo and Rosicleer ! are you there "?
" The Bird in a Cage, O. PI. viii. 248.
"So the Captain in Philaster calls the citizens in insurrection
" with him, 'My dear Donscls:' and presently after, when Phi-
'* laster appears salutes him by the title of
" My royal Rosiclear I
" We are thy myrmidons, thy guards, thy roarers.
" Philaster, v. p. 166-7." — Nares's Glossary.]
* At that time there was a severe inquisition against conjurers,
witches, &c. See the note on line 143. In Rymer's Foedera,
vol. xvi. p. 666, is a special pardon from king James to Simon
Read, for practising the black art. It is entitled, De Pardonatio-
ne pro Simone Read de Invocatione, et Conjuratione Cacodaemo-
num. He is there said to have invoked certain wicked spirits in
the year 1608, in the parishof St. George, South wark, particular-
ly one such spirit called Heavelon, another called Faternon, and
a third called Cleveton.
t Metonymy is a figure of speech, whereby the cause is put
for the effect, the subject for the adjunct.
t Terms of second intention, among the schoolmen, denote
ideas which have been arbitrarily adopted for purposes of science
in opposition to those which are connected with sensible ob-
jects.
276 HUDIBRAS. Tart n
The mystic sense of all your terms,
That aro indeed but magic charms
To raise the devil, and mean one thing,
And that is downright conjuring ;
And in itself more warrantable* 59A
Than cheat or canting to a rabble,
Or putting tricks upon the moon,
Which by confed'racy are done.
Your ancient conjurers were wont
To make her from her sphere dismount,t 600
And to their incantations stoop ;
They scorn'd to pore thro' telescope,
Or idly play at bo-peep with her.
To find out cloudy or fair weather,
Which ev'ry almanac can tell 605
Perhaps as learnedly and well
As you yourself — Then, friend, I doubt
You go the furthest way about :
Your modern Indian magician
Makes but a hole in th' earth to piss in,I 610
And straight resolves all questions by't.
And seldom fails to be i' th' right.
The Rosy-crucian way's more sure
To bring the devil to the lure ;
Each of 'em has a several gin, 615
To catch intelligences in.§
Some by the nose, with fumes, trepan 'em,
As Dunstan did the devil's grannam.|l
* The knight has no faith in astrology ; but wishes th.i conju-
rer to own plainly that he deals with the devil, and then he will
hope for some satisfaction from him. To show what may be
done iu this way, he.recounts the great achievements of sorcer-
ers.
t So the witch Cani<iia boasts of herself in Horace:
Polo
Deripere lunam vocibus possim nieis.
The ancients frequently introduced this fiction. See Virgil,
Fclogue viii. 69. Ovid's Metamorphoses, vii. 207. Propertius,
Li/ok 1. elegy i. 1& and Tibullus, book i. elegy ii. 44.
I "The king presently called to his Bongi to clear the air; the
conjuror immediately made a hole in the ground, wherein he
urined." Le Blanc's Travels, p. 98. The ancient Zabii used to
dig a hole in the earth, and fill it with blood, as the means of
forming a correspondence witli demons, and obtaining their fa-
vor.
5 To secure demons or spirits.
II The chymists and alchymists. In the Remains of Butler,
vol. ii. p. 235, we read: "These spirits they use to catch by tha
noses with fumigations, as St. Dunstan did the devil, by a pair of
tongs." The story of St. Dunstan taking the devil by the nose with
a pair of hot pincers, has been frequently related. St. Dunstan lived
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 277
Others with characters and words
Catch 'em, as men in nets do birds ;* C20
And some with symbols, signs, and tricks,
Engrav'd in planetary nicks, t
With their own influences will fetch 'em
Down from their orbs, arrest, and catch 'era ;t
Make 'em depose, and answer to 625
Al! questions, e'er they let them go.
Bombastus kept a devil's bird
Shut in the pummel of his sword, §
That taught him all the cunning pranks
Of past and future mountebanks. 6.3(1
Kelly did all his feats upon
The devil's looking glass, a stone, |1
in the tenth century: was a great admirer and proficient in the
polite arts, particularly painting and sculpture. As lie was very
attentively in his cell engraving a gold cup, the devil tempted
him in the shape of a heautiful woman. The saint, perceiving
In the spirit who it was. took up a red hot pair of tongs, and
catching hold of the devil by the nose, made him howl in such
a terrible manner as to be heard all over the neighborliood.
* By repetition of magical sounds and words, properly called
enchantments.
t By figures and signatures described according to astrological
symmetry ; that is, certain conjunctions or oppositions with the
planets and aspects of the stars.
J Carmina vel cfelo possunt deducere lunam.
§ Bombastus de Hohenheim, called also Aurelius Philippus,
and Theophrastus, but more generally known by the name of
Paracelsus, was son of William Hohenheim, and author, or rath-
er restorer, of chymical pharmacy. He ventured upon a free
administering of mercury and laudanum; and performed cures,
which, in those days of ignorance, were deemed supernatural.
He entertained some whimsical notions concerning the antedilu-
vian form of man, and man's generation. Mr. Butler's note on
this passage is in the following words: "Paracelsus is said to
" have kept a small devil prisoner in the pummel of his sword;
"which was the reason, perhaps, why he was so valiant in his
"drink. However, it was to better purpose than Hannibal carried
''poison in his sword, to dispatch himself if he should happen to
" be sunrised in any great extremity : for the sword would have
"djr.'j the feat alone much better and more soldier-like. And it
"was below the honor of so great a commander to go out of the
"world like a rat."
11 Dr. Dee had a stone, which he called his angelical stone,
pretending that it was brought to him by an angel : and " by a
"spirit it was, sure enough," says Dr. M. Casaiibon. We find
Dee himself telling the emperor " that the angels of God had
"brought to him a stone of that value, that no earthly kingdom
"is of that worthiness, as to be compared to the virtue or dignt
" ty thereof."* It was large, round, and very transparent; and
persons who were qualified fbr the sight of it, were to perceive
various shapes and figures, either represented in it as in a look-
* See Casaubon'3 relation of what passci between Dr. Dee and some spiriu
]>riDted at London, 1G59.
278 HUDIbRAS. [Part n
Whoio, playing with him at bo-peep,
He solv'd all problems ne'er so deep.
Agrippa kept a Stygian pug, 635
I' th' garb and habit of a dog,*
ing-glass, or standing upon it as on a pedestal. This stone is now
in the possession of the very learned and ingenious earl of Or-
ford, at Strawberry-hill.* It appears to be a volcanic produc-
tion, of the species vulgarly called the black Iceland agate,
which is a perfectly vitrified lava ; and according to Bergman's
analysis, contains of siliceous earth sixty-nine parts in a hun-
dred; argillaceous twenty-two parts and martial nine. See Berg.
Opusc. vol. iii. p. 240, and Letlers from Iceland, lett. 25. The la-
pis obsidianus of the ancients is supposed to have been of this
species : a stone, according to Pliny, "quern in .^Ethiopia invenit
'' Obsidius, nigerrimi coloris aliquanJo et translucidi, crassiore
" visu, atque in speculis parietum pro imagine umbras reddente."
Plin. Nat. Hist. lib. x.xxvi. cap. 20. The same kind of stone is
found also in South America ; and called by the Spaniards,
from its color, piedra de gallinaco. The poet might term it the
devil's looking-glass, from the use which Dee and Kelly made
of it ; and because It has been the common practice of conjurers
to answer the inquiries of persons, by representations shown
to them in a looking-glass. Dr. M. Casaubon quotes a passage
to this purpose from a manuscript of Roger Bacon, inscribed De
dictis et factis falsorum mathematicorum et da^monum. " The
"demons sometimes appear to them really, sometimes imaginari-
" ly in basins and polished things, and shew them whatever
" they desire. Boys, looking upon these surfaces, see by imagi-
" nation, things that have been stolen ; to what places they have
" been carried ; what persons took them away : and the like."
In the proemium of Joach. Canierarius to Plutarch De Oraculis,
we are told that a gentleman of Nurimberg had a crystal which
had this singuUirvirtue, viz., if any one desired to know anything
past or future, let a young man, castum, or who was not of age,
look into it; he would first see a man, so and so apparelled, and
afterwards what he desired. We meet with a similar story in
Heylin's History of the Reformation, part iii. The earl of Hert-
ford, brother to queen Jane Seymour, having formerly been em-
ployed in France, acquainted himself there with a learned man,
who was supposed to have great skill in magic. To this person,
by rewards and importunities, he applied for information concern-
ing his affairs at home ; and his impertinent curiosity was so far
gratified, that by the help of some magical perspeciive, he beheld
a gentleman in a more familiar posture with his wife than was
consistent with the honor of either party. To this diabolical
Illusion he is said to have given so much credit, that he not only
estranged himself from her society at his return, but furnished a
second wife with an excellent reason for urging the disin-
herison of his former children. The ancients had also the
AtdoiiavTtia.
* " As Paracelsus had a devil confined in the pummel of his
"sword, so Agrippa had one tied to his dog's collar," says Eras-
tus. It is probable that the collar had some strange unintelligi-
ble characters engraven upon it. Mr. Butler hath a note on
* The authenticity ant identity of this stone cantiot be doubted, as its de-
ef:ent is more clearly proved tlian that of Agamemnon's sceptre. It wa«
■pccified in the catalogue of the earl of Peterborough, at Drayton* thence
fell to lady Betty Germaine, who ^ave it to the Duke of Ar^yle, and his son
iord Frederick Campbell to lord Orford.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 379
That was his tutor, and the cur
Read to th' occult philosopher,*
And taught him subt'ly to maintain
All other sciences are vain.t 640
To this, quoth Sidrophello, Sir,
Agrippa was no conjurer, t
Nor Paracelsus, no, nor Behmen ;
Nor was the dog a caco-daemon,
But a true dog that would shew tricks 64J
For th' emp'ror, and leap o'er sticks ;
Would fetch and carry, was more civil
Than other dogs, but yet no devil ;
And whatsoe'er he's said to do.
He went the self-same way we go. 650
As for the Rosy-cross philosophers,
Whom you will have to be but sorcerers,
What they pretend to is no more
Than Trismegistus did before, §
Pythagoras, old Zoroaster, || 655
these lines in the following words : " Cornelius Agripja had a
'' dog that was suspected to be a spirit, for some tricks he was
"wont to do beyond the capacity of a dog. But the author of
" Magia Adamica has talien a great deal of pains to vindicate
"botli the doctor and the dog from that aspersion; in which
"he has shown a very great respect and kindness for them
" both."
* A book entitled, De Occultii Philosophia, was ascribed to
Agrippa, and from thence he was called the occult philosopher.
t Bishop Warburtou says, nothing can be more pleasant
than this turn given to Agrippa's silly book De Vanitate Scien-
tiarum.
t A subject of much disputation. Faulus Jovius, and others
maintain that he was. Wierus and Monsieur Naud6 endeavor
to vindicate him from the charge : Apologie pour les grands
hommes accuses de magie. Perhaps we may best apologize for
Agrippa, by saying, that he was not the author of every book
which has been attributed to him. See Canto i. line 540.
$ The Egyptian Tholh or Tout, called Hermes by the Greeks,
and Mercury by the Latins, from whom the chymists pretend to
have derived their art, is supposed to have lived soon after the
time of Moses, and to have made improvements in every branch
of learning. " Tholh," says Lactantius, " antiquissimus et in-
" structissimus omni aenere doctrincc, adeo ut ei multarum rerum
" et artium scientia. Trismegisto cognomen iniponeret." B. i. cap.
6. The Egyptians anciently engraved their laws and discoveries
in science upon columns, which were deposited in the colleges
of the priests. The column in Iheir language was termed Thoth.
And in a country where almost every thing became an ol)je(|l;
of worship, it is no wonder that the sacred column should be
personified, and that Thoth should be revered as the inventor or
great promoter of learning.
II Pythagoras, a Greek philosopher, flourished about the sixth
Br seventh century before Christ. He was the scholar of Thales :
280 HUDIBRAS. [Part k
And AppoUonius their master,*
To whom they do confess they owe
All that they do, and all they know.
Quoth Hudibras, Alas ! what is't t' us
Whether 'twas said by Trisinegistus, G6Q
If it be nonsense, false, or mystic,
Or not intelligible, or sophistic ?
'Tis not antiquity, nor author,
That makes truth truth, altho' time's daughter ;t
'Twas he that put her in the pit, 065
and travelled forty years in Egypt, Chaldea, and other parts of
the East, veliit p<Bdo literaruni, for the sake of improvement.
See Diog. Laert. He was initiated into all their mysteries. At
last he settled in Italy, and founded the Italic sect. He common-
ly expressed himself by symbols. Many incredible stories are
reported of him by Laertias, Jamblicus, and others. Old Zo-
roaster, so old that authors know not when he lived. Some
make him cotemporary with Abraham. Others place him five
thousand years before the Trojan war. Justin says of him,
"Postremum illi (Nino) bellum cum Zoroastre, rege Bactriano-
" rum fuit, qui primus dicitur artes magicas invenisse, et mundi
"principia, siderumque motus diligentissime spectasse." Lib
i. cap. 1.
* AppoUonius, of Tyana, lived in the time of Domitian. He
embraced the doctrines of Pythagoras: travelled far both east
and west; everywhere spent much of his time in the temples;
was a critical inspector of the pagan worship; and set himself
to reform and purify their ritual. He was much averse to ani-
mal sacrifices, and condemned the exhibitions of gladiators.
Many improbable wonders are related of him by Philostralus;
and more are added by subsequent writers. According to these
accounts he raised the dead, rendered himself invisible,* was
seen at Rome and Puteoli on the same day ; and proclaimed at
Ephesus the murder of Domitian at the very instant of its perpetra-
tion at Rome. This last fact is attested by DioCassius the consular
historian ; who with the most vehement asseverations, aflirms
It to be certainly true, though it should be denied a thousand
times over. Yet the same Dio elsewhere calls him a cheat and
impostor. Dio Ixviii. ult. et Ixxvii. 18. For an account of the
difference of the rj?jr£('a, Mayua, 'ia.ptiaKtia, three of the prin-
cipal ancient superstitions brought Irom Persia, see Suidas in
vocem VoriTda. Their master, i. e. master of the Rosicrucians.
t The knight argues that opinions are not always to be re-
ceived on the authority of a great name ; nor does the antiauity
of an opinion ever constitute the truth of it, though time will
often give stability to truth, and foster it as a legitimate offspring.
Yet perhaps there is many a learned character to which the lines
of Horace are applicable :
Qui redit in fastos, et virtutem ajstimat annis ;
Miraturque nihil, nisi quod Libitina sacravit.
Epist. lib. ii. ep. i. 48.
* The heathens were fond of comparing these feats with tha mirsclea a
Jetua CliL'ist.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 281.
Before he pull'd her out of it ;*
And as he eats his sons, just so
He feeds upon his daughters too.t
Nor does it follow, 'cause a herald
Can make a gentleman, scarce a year old,{ 670
To be descended of a race
Of ancient kings in a small space,
That we should all opinions hold
Authentic, that we can make old.
Quoth Sidrophel, It is no part 675
Of prudence to cry down an art.
And what it may perform, deny,
Because you underetand not why ;
As Averrhois play'd but a mean trick,
To damn our whole art for eccentrick,§ 680
* Time brings many truths to light: according to Horace,
Epist. lib. i. ep. vi. 24 :
Qiiicqnid sub terra est in apricum proferet letas.
But time often involves subjects in perplexity, and occasions
those very ditf.ciilties which afterwards it helps to remove.
" Veritatem in puteo latentem non inconcinne tinxit antii]uitas."
Cicero employs a saying of Democritus to this purpose, Academ.
Quccst. I. 12, "angustos sensus, imbecillos animos, brevia curri-
" cula vitae, et ut Democritus, in profundo veritatem esse demer-
" sam." Again in Liicullo : " Natiiram accusa, qus in profundo
"veritatem, ut ait Democritus, penitus abstruserit." Bishop
Warburton observes, that the satire contained in these lines of
our author is fine and just. Cleanthes said, " that truth was hid
'• in a pit." " Yes," answers the poet ; " but you Greek philoso-
" phers were the first that put her in there, and then claimed so
" much merit to yourselves for drawing her out." The first Greek
philosophers greatly obscured truth by their endless speculations,
and it was business enough for the industry and talents of their
successors to clear matters up.
t If truth is " time's daughter," yet Saturn, Xp6vos, or Time,
may be never the kinder to her on that account. For as poets
feign that Saturn eats his sons, so he feeds upon his daughters.
He devours truths as well as years, and buries them in oblivion.
t In all civil wars the order of things is subverted ; the poor
become rich, and the rich poor. And they who suddenly gain
riches must in the next place be furnished with an honorable
pedigree. Many instances of this kind are preserved in Walk-
er's History of Independency, Bate's Lives of the Regicides, &c.
§ Averroes flourished in the twelfth century. He was a great
critic, lawyer, and physician ; and one of the most subtle phi-
losophers that ever appeared among the Arabians. He wrote a
commentary upon Aristotle, from whence he obtained the sur-
name of commentator. He much disliked the epicycles and
eccentrics which Ptolemy had introduced into his system ; they
seemed so absurd to him, that they gave him a disgust to the
science of astronomy in general. He does not seem to have
formed a more favorable opinion of astrology. Here likewiso
was too much eccentricity : and he condemned the art as use-
less and fallacious, having no foundation of truth or certainty.
282 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
For who knows all that knowledge contains ?
Men dwell not on the tops of mountains,
But on their sides, or risings seat ;
So 'tis with knowledge's vast height.
Do not the liist'ries of all ages 685
Relate miraculous presages
Of strange turns, in the world's affairs,
Foreseen b' astrologers, sooth-sayers,
Chaldeans, learned Genothliacs,*
And some that have writ almanacs ? 690
The Median emp'ror dream'd his daughter
Had pist all Asia under water,t
And that a vine, sprung from her haunches,
O'erspread his empire with its branches ;
And did not soothsayers expound it, 695
As after by th' event he found it ?
When Ceesar in the senate fell.
Did not the sun eclips'd foretell, t
And in resentment of his slaughter,
Look'd pale for almost a year after ? 700
Augustus having, b' oversight,
Put on his left shoe 'fore his right,§
Had like to have been slain that day,
By soldiers mutiu'ing for pay.
Are there not myriads of this sort, 705
Which stories of all times report ?
Is it not ominous in all countries.
* Genethliaci, termed also Chaldjei, were soothsayers, who
undertook to foretell the fortunes of men from circumstances at-
tending their births. Casters of nativity.
t Aslyages, king of Media, had this dream of his daughter
Mandane ; and being alarmed at the interpretation of it which
was given by the magi, he married her to Cambyses, a Persian
of mean quality. Her son was Cyrus, who fuUilled the dream
by the conquest of Asia. See Herodotus, i. 107, and Justin.
i The prodigies which are said to have been noticed before
the death of Cssar, are mentioned by several of the classics,
Virgil, Ovid, Plutarch, &c. But the poet alludes to what is re-
lated by Pliny in his Natural History, ii. 30, "fiunt prodigiosi, et
" longiores soils defectus, quails occiso Ca:sare dictatore, et An-
" toniano bello, totius pene anni pallore continuo."
§ An excellent banter upon omens and prodigies. PMnygives
this account in his second book : "Divus Augustus htvum prodi-
"dit sibicalceum proepostere inductuiii, quo die seditionemilitari
" prope adflictus est." And Suetonius, in Augusti Vita, sect. 92,
says : " (Augustus) auspicia quaedam et oniina pro certissimis
"observabat, si mane sibi calceus porperam, ac sinister pro dex-
" tro induceretur, ut dirum." Charles the First is said to have
been much alfected by some omens of this kind, such as the
sortes Virgiliana?, observations on his bust made by Bernitii, and
im his picture.
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 283
When crows and ravens croak upon trees ?
The Roman senate, when within
The city walls an owl was seen,* 710
Did cause their clergy, with lustrations,
Our synod calls humiliations,
The rouud-fac'd prodigy t' avert,
From doing town or country hurt.
And if an owl have so much pow'r, 715
Why should not planets have much more.
That in a region far above
Inferior fowls of the air move.
And should see further, and foreknow
More than their augury below ? 720
Tho' that once serv'd the polity
Of mighty states to govern by ;i"
And this is what we take in hand,
By pow'rful art, to understand ;
Which, how we have perform'd, all ages 725
Can speak th' events of our presages.
Have we not lately in tho moon,
Found a new world, to th' old unknown ?
Discover'd sea and land, Columbus
And Magellan could never compass? 730
Made mountains with our tubes appear.
And cattle grazing on them there ?
Quoth Hudibras, You lie so ope,
That I, without a telescope.
Can find your tricks out, and descry 735
Where you tell truth, and where you lie :
For Anaxagoras long agone.
Saw hills, as well as you, i' th' moon,t
* Anno ante Christum 97, buhone in urbe vise, urbs histrata.
Bubone in capitolio supra deoruni simulacra viso, cunj piaretur,
taunis vicllma exanimis concidit. Julius Obsequens, No. 44-45,
et Lycosthenes, pp. 194, 195.
t It appears from many passages of Cicero, and other authors,
that the determinations of the augurs, aruspices, and the sybil
line books, were conunonly contrived to promote the end* of
government, or to serve the purposes of the chief managers in
the commonwealth.
t See Burnet's Archa^olog. cap. x. p. 144. Anaxagoras of
Clazomene, was the first of the Ionic philosopliers who main-
tained tlmt the several parts of llie universe were the works of
a supreme intelligent being, and consequently did not allow the
sun and moon to be gods. On this account he was accused of
impiety, and thrown into prison ; but released by Pericles. Plu-
tarch in Nicia: "Are they not dreams of human vanity," says
Montaigne, " to make the moon a celestial earth, there to fancy
"mountains and vales as Anaxagoras did." And see Plutarch
de Placitis philosophorum, I'iog. Laert. and Plato de legibus. The
284 HL£)IBRAS. [Part n.
And held the sun was but a piece
Of red hot iron as big as Greece ;* 740
Believ'd the heav'ns were made of stone,
Because the sun had voided one ;1
And, rather than he would recant
Til' opinion, sufFer'd banishment.
But what, alas ! is it to us, 745
Whether i' th' moon, men thus or thus
Do eat their porridge, cut their corns,
Or whether they have tails or horns?
What trade from thence can you advance,
But what we nearer have from France ? 750
What can our travellers bring home,
That is not to be learnt at Rome ?
What politics, or strange opinions,
That are not in our own dominions ?
What science can be brought from thence, 753
In which we do not hero commence ?
What revelations, or religions.
That are not in our native regions 7
Are sweating-lanterns, or screen-fans,t
poet might probably have Bishop Wilkins in view, who main-
tiined that the moon was an habitable world, and proposed
schemes for flying there.
Speaking of .Anaxagnns, Monsiexir Chevreau saya : "We
"may easily excuse the ill humour of one who was seldom of
" the opinion of others : who maintained that snow was black,
"because it was made of water, which is black ; who took the
"heavens to be an arch of stone, which rolled about continual-
"ly; and the moon a piece of inflamed earth; and the sun
" (which is aliout 4'M times bigger than the earth) for a plate of
"red-hot steel, of the bigness of Peloponnesus."
* [06ro; eXeyi: tuv rjXiov fivSpov civai iidnvpov, Kal fifi^w Ttjl
llcXoTtovvijCov. Diog. Laert. 1. ii. § 8.]
In Mr. Butler's Remains we read :
For th' ancients only took it for a piece
Of red hot iron, as big as Peloponese.
Rndis antiquitas, Homerum secuta, coelum credidit esse fer-
reum. Sed Homerus a coloris similitudine fcrreum dixit, non a
pondere.
t Anaxagoras had foretold that a large stone would full from
heaven, and it was supposed afterwards to have been found near
the river ^gos, Laert. ii. 10, and Plutarch in Lysandro, who dis-
cusses the matter at length. Mr Costard explains this prediction
to mean the approach of a comet; and we learn from the testi-
mony of Aristotle, and others, that a comet appeared at that
juncture, Olymp. Ixxviii. 2. See Aristot. Meteor. The fall of
the stone is recorded in the Arundel marbles.
t These lanterns, as the poet calls them, were boxes, wherein
the whole body was placed, together with ei lamp. They were
used, by qnacks, in the ventireal disease, or to bring on perspira-
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 285
Made better there than they're in France ? 76C
Or do they teach to sing and play
O' th' guitar there a newer way ?
Can they make plays there, that shall fit
The public humour with less wit ?
Write wittier dances, quainter shows, 765
Or fight with more ingenious blows?
Or does the man i' th' moon look big,
And wear a huger periwig,
Shew in his gait, or face, more tricks
Than our own native lunaticks ?* 770
But, if w' outdo him here at home.
What good of your design can come ?
As wind, i' th' hypocondres pent,t
Is but a blast, if downward sent ;
But if it upward chance to fly, 775
Becomes new light and prophecy ;t
So when our speculations tend
Above their just and useful end,
Altho' they promise strange and great
Discoveries of things far fet, 780
They are but idle dreams and fancies,
And savor strongly of the ganzas.§
tion. See Swift's Works, vol. vi. Pethox the Great, v. 56.
Hawkesvvorth's edition. Screen fans are used to shade the
eyes from the fire, and commonly hang by the side of the chim-
ney ; sometimes ladies carried them along with thenl : they
were made of leather, or paper, or feathers. I have a picture
of Miss Ireton, who married Richard Walsh, of Abberley, in
Worcestershire, with a curious feathered fan in her hand.
* These and the foregoing lines were a satire upon the gait,
dress, and carriage of the fops and beaux of those days.
t In the belly, under the short ribs. These lines are thus
turned into Latin by Dr. Harmer :
Sic hypocondriacis inclusa meatibus aura
Desinet in crepitum, si fertur prona per alvtim ;
Sed si summa peiat, mentisqiie invaserit arcem
Divinus furor est, et conscia fiamma futuri.
t New light was the phrase at that time for any new opinion
in religion, a.t.i is frequently alluded to by our poet ; the phrase,
I am told, prevails still in New England, as it does now in the
north of Ireland, where the dissenters are chiefly divided Into
two sects, usually styled the old and the new lights. The old
liglits are such as rigidly adhere to the old Calvinistic doctrine ;
and the new lights are those who have adopted the more mod-
ern latitudinarian opinions : these are frequently averse and
hostile to each other, as their predecessors the Presbyterians and
Independents were in the time of Butler.
$ Godwin, afterwards bishop of Hereford, ivrote in his youth
a kind of astronomical romance, under the feigned name of a
Spaniard, Domingo Gonzales, and entitled it the Man iu the
286 HUDIBRAS. [Part xk
Tell me but what's the natural cause
Why on a sign no painter draws
The full moon ever, but the half? 785
Resolve that with your Jacob's staff;*
Or why wolves raise a hubbub at her,
And dogs howl when she shines in water ?
And I shall freely give my vote.
You may know something more remote. 700
At this, deep Sidrophcl look'd wise,
And staring round with owl-like eyes,
He put his face into a posture
Of sapience, and began to bluster :
For having three times shook his head 795
To stir his wit up, thus he said :
Art has no mortal enemies,
Next ignorance, but owls and geese :t
Those consecrated geese, in orders,
That to the capitol were warders, t 800
And being then upon patrol.
With noise alone beat off the Gaul ;
Or those Athenian sceptic owls.
That will not credit their own souls,§
Moon, or a Discourse on a Voyage thither. It gives an account
of his being drawn up to the moon in a light vehicle, by certain
birds called ganzas. And the knight censures the pretensions
of Sidrophel, by comparing them with this wild expedition. The
poet likewise might intend to banter some projects of the learned
Bishop VVilkins, one of the first promoters of the Royal Society.
At this institution and its favorers, many a writer of that day
has shot his bolt — telum imbelle sine ictu.
* A mathematical instrument for taking the heights and dis-
tances of stars.
t " Et quod vulgo aiunt, artem non habere inimicum nisi ig-
norantem." Sprat thought it necessary to write many pages to
show that natural philosophy was not likely to subvert our gov-
ernment, or our religicn : and that experimental knowledge had
no tendency to make men either bad subjects or bad Christians.
See Sprat's History of the Royal Society.
i Our ancestors called the garrison of a castle or fortress its
warders ; hence our word guardian. Lands lying near many of
the old castles were held by the tenure of castle-ward, the pos-
sessors being obliged to find so many men for the ward or guard
of the castle. This was afterwards commuted into pecuniary
payments, with which the governors hired mercenary soldiers or
warders : the warders of the Tower of London still preserve .the
old appellation.
^ Incredulous persons. He calls them owls on account of
their pretensions <o great depth of learning, the owl being used
as an emblem of wisdom ; and Athenian, because that bird was
sacred to Minerva, the protectress of Athens, and was borne oa
the standards of the city. Heralds say, noctua signum est sapi-
untiae : for she retires in the day, and avoids the tumult of tha
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 287
Or any science understand, 805
Beyond the reach of eye or hand ;
But measuring all things by their own
Knowledge, hold nothing's to be known :
Those wholesale critics, that in cofFee-
Houses cry down all philosophy, 810
And will not know upon what ground
In nature we our doctrine found,
Altho' with pregnant evidence
We can demonstrate it to sense,
As I just now have done to you, 815
Foretelling what you came to know.
Were the stars only made to light
Robbers and burglarers by night ?*
To wait on drunkards, thieves, gold-finders,
And lovers solacing behind doors ? 820
Or giving one another pledges
Of matrimony under hedges ?
Or witches simpling, and on gibbets
Cutting from malefactors snippets ?t
Or from the pill'ry tips of ears 825
Of rebel-saints and perjurers ?
world, like a man employed in study and contemplation. Since
the owl, however, is usually considered as a moping, drowsy
bird, the poet intimates that the knowledge of these skeptics is
obscure, confused, and indigested. The meaning of the whole
passage is this : — There are two sorts of men who are great ene-
mies to the advancement of science. The first, bigoted divines,
upon hearing of any new discovery in nature, apprehend an at-
tack upon religion, and proclaim loudly that the capitol, i. e. the
faith of the church, is in danger. The others are self-sufficient
philosophers, who lay down arbitrary principles, and rejectevery
truth which does not coincide with them.
* The poets thought the stars were not made only to light
robbers. See the beautiful address to Hesperus :
"Kcnrcps, ras iparas XP''°'£'"' <pdos 'A0poy£V£iaf, &c.
Brunk. vos
OVK ITTl ^(i)pdv
'Epxoiiai, ov6' iva vvkto; bSomopiovT' {vox^>j<r<^,
'AAA' Ipdu), &c.
Bion. ii. 392. Brunk. An. vol. i. Mosch. Idyl. vii. ac
cording to the O.xford edit, of Bion and Moschus.
E typ. Clar. 1748.
Sidrophel argues, that so many luminous bodies could never
have been constructed for the sole purpose of affording a little
light, in the absence of the sun. His reasoning does not con-
tribute much to the support of astrology ; but it seems to favor
the notion of a plurality of worlds.
t Collecting herbs, and other requisites, for their enchant-
ments. See Shakspeare's Macbeth, Act. iv.
288 HUUIBRAS. [Part 0
Only to stand by, and look on,
But not know what is said or done ?
Is there a constellation there
That v/as not born and bred up here?* fi3«
And therefore cannot be to learn
In any inferior concern?
Were they not, during all their lives,
Most of 'em pirates, whores, and thieves ?
And is it like they have not still, 835
In their old practices, some skill ?
Is there a planet that by birth
Does not derive its house from earth ?
And therefore probably must know
What is, and hath been done below ? 840
Who made the Balance, or whence came
The Bull, the Lion, and the Ram ?
Did not we here the Argo rig.
Make Berenice's periwig ?t
Whose liv'ry does the coachman wear ? 845
Or who made Cassiopeia's chair ?
And therefore, as they came from hence,
With us may hold intelligence.
Plato deny'd the world can be
Govern'd without geometry ,t 850
For money b'iug the common scale
Of things by measure, weight and tale,
In all th' affairs of church and state,
'Tis both the balance and the weight :
Then much less can it be without 855
Divine astrology made out,
That puts the other down in worth,
As far as heaven's above earth.
* Astronomers, both ancient and modern, have divided the
heavens into certain figures, representing animals and other ob
jects. Eratosthenes, the scholiast on Aratus, and Julius Ily-
ginus, mention the reasons which determined men to tlie choice
of these particular figures. See Sir Isaac Newton's Chronology
of the Greeks, p. 83.
t The constellation called coma Bejenices. Berenice, the
wife of Ptolemy Euergetes, king of Egypt, in consequence of a
vow, cut off and dedicated some of her beautiful hair to Venus,
on the return of her husband from a military expedition. And
Conon, the mathematician, paid her a handsome compliment, by
forming the constellation of this name. Callimachus wrote a
poem to celebrate her affection and piety : a translation of it by
Catullus is still preserved in the works of that author.
t I'lato, out of fondness for geometry, has employed it in all
his systems. lie used to say that the Deity did yetaiitTpeiv,
play the geometrician ; that is, do every thing by weight and
measure.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 289
These reasons, quoth the Knight, I grant
Are something more significant 860
Than any that the learned use
Upon this subject to produce ;
And yet they're far from satisfactory,
T' establish and keep up your factory
Th' Egyptians say, the sun has twice* 864
Shifted his setting and his rise ;
Twice has he risen in the west.
As many times set in the east ;
But whether that be true or no.
The devil any of you know. 870
Some hold, the heavens, like a top,
Are kept by circulation up.t
And were 't not for their wheeling round,
* The Egyptian priests informed Herodotus that, in the space
of 11340 years, the sun had four times risen and set out of its
usual course, rising twice where it now sets, and setting twice
where it now rises — ep9a re vvv KaraivcTat, evdtvTcv 6(f iirav-
TtiXai' Kai evdev, &c. Herodotus, Euterpe, seu lib. ii. 142. A
learned person supposes this account to be a corrupt tradition of
the miraculous stop, or recession of the sun, in the times of
Joshua and Hezekiah. Others suppose that what the priests
told him for a chronical, was mistaken by Herodotus for an as-
tronomical phenomenon ; and that the particulars, which he has
recorded in the words iv9a and cvQivtcv, related only to the time
of the day or year, and not to the place or quarter of the heav-
ens. The Egyptian year consisted of no more than 360 days;
and therefore the day in their calendar, which was once the
sunutier solstice, would in 730 years become their winter solstice ;
and, in 1461 years, it would come to their sunmier solstice again.
This Censorinus tells us was really the case. So that the four
revolutions would happen in a much shorter time than the priests
had assigned for them. Dr. Long e.\plodes the whole for an idle
story, invented by the Egyptians to support their vain pretensions
to antiquity ; and fit to pass only among persons who have no
knowledge of astronomy. InTdeed no others would believe that
the cardinal points were entirely changed, or the rotation of the
sarth inverted. See Spenser, Fairy Queen, b. v. c. i. stanz. i 7
ind 8, &c.
And if to those Egyptian wisards old
(Which in star read were wont have best insight)
Faith may be given, it is by them told
That since the time they first tooke the Sunnes hight,
Four times his place he shifted hath in sight,
And twice hath risen where he now doth west,
And wested twice where he ought rise aright.
t It is mentioned as the opinion of Anaxagoras, that the whole
heaven, which was composed of stone, was kept up by violent
circum rotation, but would fall when the rapidity of that motion
should be remitted. Some do Anaxagoras the honor to suppose,
that this conceit of his gave the first hint towards the modem
explication of the planetary motions.
290 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
They'd instantly fall to the ground :
• As sage Empedocles of old, 875
And from him modern authors hold.
Plato believ'd the sun and moon
Below all other planets run.*
Some Mercury, some Venus seat
Above the Sun himself in height. 880
The learned Scaliger complain'd
'Gainst what Copernicus maintain'd,t
That in twelve hundred years, and odd,
The Sun had left his ancient road,
And nearer to the Earth is come, 885
'Bove fifty thousand miles from home
Swore 'twas a most notorious dam,
And he that had so little shame
To vent such fopperies abroad,
Deserv'd to have his rump well claw'd : 890
Which Monsieur Bodin hearing, swore,
That he deserv'd the rod much more,1:
That durst upon a truth give doom,
He knew less than the pope of Rome.
Cardan believ'd great states depend 893
Upon the tip o' th' Bear's tail's end ;§
* The knight further argues, that there can be no foundation
of truth in aslrolog;y, since the learned differ so much about the
planets themselves, from which astrologers chiefly draw their
predictions. " Plato solem et lunara ceteris planetis inferiores
esse putavit."
t Copernicus thought that the eccentricity of the sun, or the
obliquity of the ecliptic, had been diminished by many parts
since the times of Ptolemy and Hipparchus. On which Scaliger
observed, Copernici scripta spongiis, vel autoreni scuticis dignum
— that the writings of Copernicus deserved a sponge, or thbl"" au
thor a rod. •
t Bodin, an eminent geographer and lawyer, was born at Aii,
gers, in France, and died of the plague at Laon, 1596, aged 07.
According to his opinion, it has been clearly proved by Coperni-
cus, Reinholdus, Stadius, and other famous mathematicians,
that the circle of the earth has approached nearer to the sun
than it was formerly.
§ Cardan, a famous physician of Milan, was born at Padua,
1501. He conceived the influences of the several stars to be ap
propriated to particular countries. The fate of the greatest king
doms in Europe, he said, was determined by the tail of Ursa Ma
;or. This great astrologer foretold the time of his own death
But when the appointed day drew near, he found himself in per
feet health, at the seventy-fifth year of his age ; and resolved to
starve himself, lest he should bring disgrace on his favorite sci-
ence. Thuanus gives the character which Scaliger had drawn
of him : in certain things he appeared superior to human under
standing, and in a great many others inferior to that of little chil
dren. See Bayle's Dictionary, Art. Cardan.
C&MTO lu,] HUDIBRAS. 291
That as she whisk'd it t' wards the Sun,
Strow'a mighty empires up and down ;
Which others say must needs be false,
Because your true bears have no tails. 900
Some say, the zodiac constellations
Have long since chang'd their antique stations*
Above a sign, and prove the same
In Taurus now, once in the Ram ;
AfFirm'd the Trigons chopp'd and chang'd, 905
The wat'ry with the fiery rang'd ;t
Then how can their effects still hold
To be the same they were of old ?
This, though the art were true, would make
Our modern soothsayers mistake, t 918
And is one cause they tell more lies.
In figures and nativities,
Than th' old Chaldean conjurers.
In so many hundred thousand years ;§
Beside their nonsense in translating, 915
For want of accidence and latin ;
Like Idus and Calendae englisht »
The quarter days, by skilful linguist ;||
* The knight, still further to lessen the credit of astrology, ob-
serves that the stars have suffered a considerable variation of
their longitude by the precession of the equinoxes: fur instance,
the first star of Aries, which in the time of RIeton the Athenian
was found in the very intersection of the ecliptic and equator, is
now removed eastward more than thirty degrees, so that the
sign Aries possesses the place of Taurus, Taurus that of Gem-
ini, and so on.
t The twelve signs in astrology are divided into four trigons,
or triplicities, each denominated from the con-natural element ;
so they are three tiery, three airy, three watery, and three
earthly.
Fiery — Aries, Leo, Sagittarius.
Earthly — Taurus, Virgo, Capricornus.
Airy — Gemini, Libra, Aquarius.
Watery — Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces.
X See our poet's arguments put into prose by Dr. Bentley, in
the latter end of his third sermon at Boyle's lectures.
§ The Chaldeans, as Cicero remarks, pretended to have been
in possession of astrological knowledge for the long space of
47,000 years. But Diodorus informs us that, in things belonging
to their art, they calculated by lunar years of thirty days. By
this method, however, their account will reach to the creation,
if not to a more distant epoch. It is well known that Berosus,
oi his scholars, new-modelled and adopted the Babylonian doc
trines to the Grecian mythobgy.
II Mr. Smith, of Harleston, says this is a banter upon Sir Rich-
ard Fanshawe's translation of Horace, Epod. ii. 69, 70.
Omnem relegit idibus pecuniam,
Quaerit calendis ponere.
293 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
And yet with canting, slight, and cheat
'Twill servo their turn to do the feat ; 920
Make fools believe in their foreseeing
Of things before they are in being ;
To swallow gudgeons ere they're catch'd.
And count their chickens ere they're hatch'd ;
Make them the constellations prompt, 925
And give them back their own accompt ;
But still the best to him that gives
The best price for't, or best believes.
Some towns, some cities, some for brevity,
Have cast the 'versal world's nativity, 930
And made the infant stars confess,
Like fools or children, what they please.
Some calculate tlie hidden fates
Of monkeys, puppy-dogs, and cats ;
Some running-nags, and fighting-cocks, 935
Some love, trade, law-suits, and the pox :
Some take a measure of the lives
Of fathers, mothers, husbands, wives,
Make opposition, trine, and quartile,
Tell who is barren, and who fertile ; 940
As if the planet's first aspect
The tender infant did infect*
At Michajlinas calls all his monies in,
And at our Lady puts them out again.
The fifteenth day of March, May, July, and October, and the
thirteenth day of all other nionlhs, was called the ides. The
first day of every month was called the calends.
* The accent is laid upon the last syllableof aspect, as it often
is in Shakspeare : see Dr. Farmer's observations on the learning
of Shakspeare, p. 27. Astrologers reckon five aspects of the
planets • conjunction, sextile, quartile trine, and opposition.
Sextile denotes iheir being distant from each other a sixth part
of a circle, or two signs ; quartile, a fourth part, or three signs ;
trine, a third part, or four signs ; opposition, half the circle, or
directly opposite. It was the opinion of judicial astrologers, thai
whatever good disposition the infant might otherwise have been
endued with, yet if Its birth was, by any accident, so accelerated
or retarded, that it fell in with the predominance of a malignant
constellation, this momentary influence would entirely change
its nature, and bias it to all contrary ill qualities. The ancients
had aiv opinion of the influence of the stars :
Scit Genius, natale comes qui temperat astruin.
Horat. Ep. lib. ii. Ep. ii. 1. 187.
There would be no end of quoting authors on this subject, such
as Meuander and Plutarch among the Greeks ; and among the
Latins, Horace, Persius, Ammianas Marcellinus, and Censorinua
dc die natali.
The tender infant did in/eci— Thus in line 931 :
And make the Infant stars confess.
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 293
In soul and body, and instill
All future good and future ill ;
Which in their dark fatalities lurking, 94^
At destined periods fall a working,
And break out, like tiie liidden seeds
Of long diseases, into deeds,
In friendships, enmities, and strife,
And all th' emergencies of life : 950
No sooner does he peep into
The world, but he has done his do,
Catch'd all diseases, took all physick,
That cures or kills a man that is sick ;
Marry'd his punctual dose of ^ives, 953
Is cuckolded, and breaks, or thrives.
There's but the twinkling of a star
Between a man of peace and war ;
A thief and justice, fool and knave,
A huffing ofF'cer and a slave ; 960
A crafty lawyer and pick-pocket,
A great philosopher and a blockhead ;
A formal preacher and a player,
A learn'd physician and man-slayer :*
As if men from tlie stars did suck 963
Old age, diseases, and ill luck.
Wit, folly, honour, virtue, vice.
Trade, travel, women, claps, and dice :
And draw, with the first air they breathe,
Battle, and murder, sudden death.t 970
Are not these fine commodities
To be imported from the skies.
And vended here among the rabble,
For staple goods, and warrantable ?
Like money by the Druids borrow'd, 975
In til' other world to be restor'd.f
* In the public opinion, perhaps, there is thought to be a coin-
cidence in these characters ; and some of them, we must own,
are more nearly allied than others. Tne author too, with hia
usual pleasantry, might be willing to allow the resemblance in
a certain degree ; but the scope of his argument requires him to
attribute to them distinct and opposite qualities; and in this
sense, no doubt, he meant seriously to be understood.
t This is one of the petitions in the Litany, which the dis-
senters objected to ; especially the words sudden death. See
Bennet's London Cases abridged, ch. iv. p. 100.
t Thai is, astrologers, by endeavoring to persuade men that
the stars have dealt out to them their future fortunes, are guilty
of a similar fraud with the Drnids, who borrowed money on a
promise of repaying it after death. Druidse pecuniani mutuo ac-
clpiebant, in posteriore vittt reddituri. This practice among tlM
294 HUDIBKAS. [Pari n
Quoth Sidrophel, To let you know
You wrong the art and artists too,
Since ar^ments are lost oti those
That do our principles oppose, 980
I will, altho' I've don't before,
Demonstrate to your sense once more.
And draw a figure that shall tell you
What you, perliaps forget befel you ;
By way of horary inspection,* 985
Wliich some account our worst erection.
With that, he circles draws, and squares,
Wjth cy])hers, astral characters.
Then looks 'em o'er to understand 'em,
Altho' set down habnab at random.t 990
Quoth he, This scheme of th' heavens set,
Discovers how in fight you met.
At Kingston, with a may-pole idol,t;
And that y'were bang'd both back and side well ;
And the' you overcame the bear, 995
Oritids was founded on their doctrine of the immortality of the
i^oul. Vcilerius Maxinius says of the Gatils in general, Vetus
ille Galloruiii mos — quos niemoria proditumest, pecunias inutuas,
qua" his apud inferos redilerentur, dare solitos, quia persuasum
habuentnt, aniinas hoininum iniinortales esse, ii. 6, 10. And
Mela says, Uniim ex iis qucE pia'cipiunt (Druides) in valgus
efiiuxit — Kternas esse animas, — itaque cum mortuis cremant
ac defodiunt apta viventibus olim. Negotiorum ratio etiam
et exactio crediti deferebatur ad inferos, ii. 2. — Bonzes, in
the East Indies, are said to have been acquainted with this prac-
tice.
* The horoscope is the pointof the heavens which rises above
the eastern horizon, at any particular moiiient.
t Dr. Davies says habnab is a Welsh word, and signifies rash-
ly, at random. [Nares says, habbe or nabbe, Have or have not,
hit or miss, at a venture: quasi, have or n'ave, i. e. have not;
as vill for will not. "The citizens in their rage imagining that
every post in the churche had bin one of the'r souldyers, shot
habbe or nabbe, at random." Holinshed, Hist, of Ireland. F. 2,
col. 2.]
{ Mr. Butler alludes to the counterfeited second part of Hudi-
bras, published 1063. The first annotator gives us to understand,
that some silly interloper had broken in upon our author's de-
sign, and invented a second part of his book. In this spurious
production, the rencounters of Hudibras at Brentford, the trans-
actions of a mountebank whom he met with, and probably these
adventures of the May-pole at Kingston, are described at length.
Cervantes, the author of Don Quixote, met with the like treat-
mejit, [from Alphonsus Fernandes de A\ellane(la;] and vindica-
ted himself in the same manner, by making his knight declare
that he was no way concerned in those exploits which a new
historian had related of him. Jilay-poles were held in abomina-
tion by the saints of our author's time ; and many writers have
«!xpressed their abhorrence of them with great acrimony.
Cwrro ni.] HUDIBRAS. 295
The dogs beat you at Brentford fair ;
Where sturdy butchers broke your noddle,
And handled you like a fop-doodle.
Quoth Hudibras, I now perceive
You are no conj'rer, by your leave ; 1008
That paltry story is untrue,
And for^'d to cheat such gulls as you.
Not true ? quoth he ; howe'er you vapour,
I can what I affirm make appear ;
Whachum shall justify't to your face, 1005
And prove he was upon the place :
He play'd the saltinbancho's part,*
Transform'd t' a Frenchman by my art ;
He stole your cloak, and pick'd your pocket,
Chous'd and caldes'd you like a blockhead,t
And what you lost I can produce,
If you deny it, here i' the house.
Quoth Hudibras, I do believe
That argument's demonstrative ;
Raipho, bear witness, and go fetch us 1015
A constable to seize the wretches :
For tho' they're both false knaves and cheats, t
* Saltimbanque is a French word, signifying a quack or moun-
tebank. Perhaps it was originally Italian.
t Caldes'd is a word of the poet's own coining. Mr. Warbur-
ton thinks he took the hint from the Chaldeans, who were great
fortune-tellers. Others suppose it may he derived from the
Gothic, or old Teutonic, a language used by the Picts ; among
whom Caldees, or Keldeis, as Spotswood thinks, were the an-
cient ministers or priests, and so called because they lived in
cells. See Camden's account of the Orkney Isles. Pinkerton,
in his History of the Scots, p. 273, says, " the Calilees united in
" themselves the distinctions of monks and of secular clergy,
"being apparently, to the eleventh century, the only monks and
"clergy in Scotland, and all Irish." But perhaps we ought ra-
ther to look for this word in the vocabulary of gipsies and pick-
pockets, tlian either among the Chaldeans, the Scots, or the
Irish. The sigaifiealion of It, in Butler's Remains, is the same
with trepanned. Vol. i. 24 :
Asham'd that men so grave and wise
Should be chaldes'd by gnats and flies.
Mr. Butler's MS. Common-place book has the following lines :
He that with injury is griev'd.
And goes to law to be reliev'd,
Is like a silly rabble chouse.
Who, when a thief had robb'd his house,
Applies himself to cunning man
To help him to his goods agen.
} Though they are false by their own confession, I will make
them true for another purpjse.
396 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
Imposters, jugglers, counterfeits,
I'll make them serve for perpendic'lars,
As true as e'er were iis'd by bricklaj-ers :* 1020
They're guilty, by their own confessions,
Of felony, and at the sessions.
Upon the bench I will so handle 'em,
That the vibration of this pendulum
Shall make all tailors' yards of one 1039
Unanimous opinion :t
A thing ho long has vapour'd of.
But now shall make it out by proof.
Quoth Sidrophel, I do not doubt
To find friends that will bear me out ;t 1030
* i. e. swing them in a line, Wke a bricklayer's level.
t Mr. Butler, in his own note on this passage, says : "The de
" vice of the vibration of a pendulum, was intended to settle a
" certain measure of ells, yards, &c., all the world over, which
"should have its foundation in nature. For by swinging a
" weight at the end of a string, and calculating by the motion of
" the sun or any star, how long the vibration would last. In pro-
" portion to the length of the string and weight of the pendu-
" lum, they thought to reduce it back again, and from any part
"of time compute the e.\act length of any siring, that must
" necessarily vibrate for such a period of time. So that if a man
"should ask in China for a quarter of an hoar of taffeta, they
" would know perfectly well what he meant : and the measure
" of things would be reckoned no more by the yard, foot, or inch :
" but by the hour, quarter, and minute." See his Remains by
Thyer, vol. i. p. 30 :
By which he had composed a pedlar's jargon,
For all the world to learn and use to bargain.
An universal canting idiom
To understand the swinging pendulum,
And to communicate in all designs
With th' Eastern viituoso mandarines.
And Dr. Derham's experiments concerning the vibration of a
pendulum, in the Philosophical Transactions, vol. iii. No. 440, p.
201. The moderns, perhaps, will not be more successful in their
endeavors to establish an universal standard of weights and
measures.
[If the reader wishes to see the use the modems have made
of the pendulum, he may refer to "An account of E.xperimenta
" to determine the times of vibration of the Pendulum in differ-
"ent latitudes, by Captain Edward Sabine of the Royal Regi
" ment of Artillery," in the Philosophical Transactions for the
year I8-.'l— to the voluuie for 13-i3— and to the volume for 1827
page 1-23, where he perhaps will find that at least the Captain is
not the man " by the long level of his repeating circle" to
make all tailors' yards of one
Unanimous opinion.]
J William Lilly wrote and prophesied for the parliament, till
he perceived their influence decline. He then changed sides;
but having declared himself rather too soon, he was taken into
Canto m.J HUDIBRAS. 297
Nor have I hazarded my art,
And neck, so long on the state's part,
To be exposed i' th' end to suffer
By such a braggadocio buffer.
Huffer, quoth Hudibras, this sword 1035
Shall down thy false throat cram that word ;
Ralpho, make haste, and call an officer,
To apprehend this Stygian sophister ;*
Mean while I'll hold 'em at a bay.
Lest he and Whachum run away. 1040
But Sidrophel, wlio from the aspect
Of Hudibras, did now erect
A figure worse portending far,
Thau that of most malignant star ;
Believ'd it now the fittest moment 1045
To shun the danger that might come on't.
While Hudibras was all alone.
And he and Whachum, two to one :
This being resolv'd, he spy'd by chance.
Behind the door, an iron lance, t 1050
That many a sturdy limb had gor'd
And legs, and loins, and shouldei's bor'd ;
He snatch'd it up, aud made a pass,
To make his way thro' Hudibras.
Whachum had got a fire-fork, 1055
With which he vow'd to do his work ;
But Hudibras was well prepar'd.
And stoutly stood upon his guard :
He put by Sidropliello's thrust,
And in right manfully he rtfeht, 1060
The weapon from his gripe he wrung,
And laid him on the earth along.
Whachum his sea-coal prong threw by.
And basely turn'd his back to fly ;
But Hudibras gave him a twitch, 1065
As quick as lightning, in the breech.
Just in the place where henour's lodg'd,t
custody ; and escaped only, as he tells us hinnself, by the inter-
ference of friends, and by cancelling the offenuve leaf in his
almanac.
* i. e. hellish sophister.
t A spit for roasting meat.
t Mr. Butler in his speech made at the Rota, says, (Genuine
Kemains, vol. i. p. 323 :) " Some are of opinion that honor is seat-
"ed in the rump only, chiefly at least: for it is observed, tliat a
" small kick on that part does more hurt and wound liouor than
" a cut on the head or face, or a stab, or a shot of a pistol, on any
"other part of the body."
13*
298 HUDIBRAS [Part n
As wise philosophers have judg'd ;
Because a kick in that part more
Hurts honour, than deep wounds before. 1079
Quoth Hudibras, The stars determine
You are my prisoners, base vermin,
Could they not tell you so, as well
As what I came to know, foretell ?
By this, what cheats you are, we find, 1075
That in your own concerns are blind.*
Your lives are now at my dispose.
To be redeem'd by fine or blows :
But who his honour would defile,
To take, or sell, two lives so vile ? lOM
I'll give you quarter ; but your pillage,
The conqu'ring warrior's crop and tillage,
Which with his sword he reaps and plows,
That's mine, the law of arms allows.
This said in haste, in haste he fell 1083
To rummaging of Sidrophel.
First, he expounded both his pockets.
And found a watch with rings and lockets,+
Which had been left with him t' erect
A figure for, and so detect. 1090
A copper-plate, with almanacks
Engrav'd upon't, with other knackst
Of Booker's, Lilly's, Sarah Jimmer's,§
And blank-schemes to discover nimmers ;||
* " Astrologers," says Agrippa, " while they gaze on the stars
" for direction, fall into ditchi??, wells, and goals " The crafty
Tiberius, not content with a promise of empire, examined the
astrologer concerning his own horoscope, intending to drown him
on the least appearance of falsehood. But Thrasyllus was al-
ways too cunning for him: he answered the first time, " that he
" perceived himself at that instant to be in imminent danger ;"
and afterwards, " that he was destined to die just ten years
" before the emperor himself." Tacit. Ann. vi. 21. Dio Iviii. 27.
t To negotiate between the robber and the robbed, was cer
tainly the most profitable part of the astrologer's business.
J That is, mar.ks or signs belonging to the astrologer's art : from
the Anglo-Saxon cnapan, to know, or understand. Knack often
signifies a bauble or plaything : a child's ball is called a knack.
The Glossarist on Douglas says : " We (the Scots) use the word
'•• knack for a witty expression, or action : a knacky man, that is,
'■'a witty facetious man; which may come from the Teutonic
"schnaike, facetiae." Tiie verb to knack, in Douglas, signifies to
mock.
§ John Booker was bnrn at Manchester, and a great astrologer.
Lilly has frequently been mentioned. Sarah Jimmers, called,
by Lilly. Sarah Skilhorn, was a great speculatrLx.
II Thieves : from the A. S. niman, rapere, though it generally
signifies pickpockets, private stealers.
(Janto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 299
A moon-dial, with Napier's bones,* 1095
And sev'ral constellation stones,
Engrav'd in planetary hours.
That over mortals had strange powers
To make them thrive in law or trade,
And stab or poison to evade ; HOC
In wit or wisdom to improve,
And be victorious in love.
Whaehum had neither cross nor pile,t
His plunder was not worth the while ;
All which the conqu'ror did discompt, 1105
To pay for curing- of his rump.
But Sidrophel, as full of tricks
As rota-men of politics,!
Straight cast about to over-reach
Th' unwary couqu'ror with a fetch, lUO
And make him glad at least to quit
His victory, and fly the pit.
Before the secular prince of darkuess§
Arriv'd to seize upon his carcass :
And, as a fox with hot pursuit, || 1 115
Chas'd through a warren, cast about
* Lord Napier of Scotland, was anther of an invention for
casting up any sums or numbers by little rods, which being made
of ivory, were called Napier's bones. He first discovered the use
of logarithms in trigonometry, and made it public in a work print-
ed at Edinburgh, 1614: an instance of ingenuity which should
never be mentioned without a tribute of praise. His lorcfchij)
was one of the early members of the Royal Society before its
incorporation, which the poet takes frequent occasions to banter.
t [Money frequently bore a cross on one side, and the head of
a spear or arrow, pilura, on the other. Cross and pile were our
heads and tails. "This I humbly conceive to be perfect boy's
play ; cross, I win, and pile, you lose." Swift.]
t Mr. James Harrington, sometime in the service of Charles I.,
drew up and printed a form of popular government, after the
king's death, entitled the Commonwealth of Oceana. He en
deavored, likew.se, to promote his scheme by public discourses, at
a nightly club of several curious gentlemen, Henry Nevil, Charles
Wolseley, John Wildman, Doctor (afterwards Sir William) Petty,
who met in New Palaoe-yard, Westminster. Mr. Henry Nevil
proposed to the house of commons, that a third part of its members
should rote out by ballot every year, and be incapable of re-elec-
tiiw for three years to come. This club was called the Kota
bwift. Contests in Athens and Rome, ch. v. p. 74, note.
^ The constable who governs and keeps the peace at night.
II Olaus Magnus has related many such stories of the fox's
canning: his imitating the barking of a dog; feigning himself
dead ; ridding himself of fleas, by going gradually into the water
with a lock of wool in his mouth, and when the fleas are driven
into it, leaving the wool in the water ; catching crab-fish with
his tail, which the author avers for truth on his own knowledge,
OI. Mag. Hist. 1 18.
300 HUDIBRAS. IPart ii.
To save his credit, and among
Dead vermin on a gallows hung,
And while the dogs ran underneath
Escap'd, by counterfeiting death, 1120
Not out of cunning, but a train
Of atoms justling in his brain,*
As learn'd philosophers give out ;
So Sidrophello cast about.
And fell to's wonted trade again, 1125
To feign himself in earnest slain :+
First stretch'd out one leg, then anothei,
And, seeming in his breast to smother
A broken sigh, quoth he. Where am I?
Alive, or dead ? or which way came I 1130
Thro' so immense a space so soon ?
But now I thought myself i' th' moon ;
And that a monster with huge whiskers,
More formidable than a Switzer's,
My body thro' and thro' had drill'd, 1135
And Whachum by my side had kill'd,
Had cross-examin'd both our hose,t
And plunder'd all wo had to lose ;
Look, there he is, I see him now.
And feel the place I am run thro' : 1140
And there lies Whachum by my side.
Stone-dead, and in his own blood dy'd.
Oh '. oh ! with that he fetch'd a groan,
And fell again into a swoon ;
Shut both his eyes, and stopt his breath, 145
And to the life out-acted death,
That Hudibras, to all appearing,
Believ'd him to be dead as herring.
* The ancient atomic ohilosophers, Deraocritiis, Epicurus, &c.
held that sense in l)riitt;s, and cogitation and volition in n.en,
were produced hy impression of corporeal atoms on the brain.
Cartesius allowed no sense nor cogitation to brutes. He supposed
that sensitive principles were iuimaterial as well as rational
ones, and therefore concluded that brutes could have no sense,
unless their sensitive souls were immaterial and immortal sub-
stances. Antonius Magnus, another Frenchman, published a
book near the Author's time. Uecarenlia sensus et cognitionis in
brutis. Bnt the author perhaps meant to ridicule Sir Keiielm
Digby, who relates this story of the fox, and maintains that there
was no thought nor cunning, but merely a particular disposition
of atoms.
t The reader may recollect the very humorous circumstances
of Falstaff's counterfeited death. Shakspeare, First Part of
Henry IV. Act v.
t Trunk- hose with pockets to them.
Canto in ] HUDIBRAS. 301
He held it now no longer safe,
To tarry the return of Ralpli, 1150
But rather leave him in the lurch :*
Thought he, he has abus'd our church,+
Refus'd to give himself one firk.
To carry on the public work,
Despis'd our synod-men like dirt, 1155
And made their discipline his sport ;
Divulg'd the secrets of their classes,
And their conventions prov'd high places ]t
Disparag'd their tithe-pigs, as pagan,
And set at nought their cheese and bacon ; 1160
Rail'd at their covenant, and jeer'd
Their rev'rend parsons, to my beard ;
For all which scandals, to be quit
At once, this juncture falls out fit.
I'll make him henceforth, to beware, 1165
And tempt my fury if he dare :
He must, at least, hold up his hand,§
By twelve freeholders to be scann'd.
Who, by their skill in palmistry, ||
Will quickly read his destiny, 1170
And make him glad to read his lesson,
Or take a turn for't at the session :ir
* The different sects of dissenters left each other in the lurch,
whenever an opportunity offered of promoting a separate in-
terest.
t Th*is and the following lines have been produced by some as
an arfiument to prove that the poem was enigmatical and figura-
tive ; but it only proves that Hudibras represents the Presbyteri-
ans, and Ralpho the Independents.
t That is, corruptions in discipline — rank popery and idolatry.
^ Culprits, when they are tried, hold up their hands at the
bar.
11 From palma. Alluding to the method of telling fortunes by
inspection of lines in the palm of the hand.
if That is, claim the benefit of clergy, or be hanged. Tom
Nash,* a writer of farces — [there are but three dramatic works
• This Tom Nash should not be confounded with Thomas Nash, barrister,
of the Inner Temple, who is buried ia that church, and has the foliowiogf io-
Bcription.
Dcpositum Thorns Nash ^enerosi honesta orti familia in asrro Vioporniensi
viri charitaie humilitate eximii el mire mansuetiGrjece Laline Gallice el llalicc
Bpprime docli pluritim (quos scripsil transtulit elucidavit edidit) lihrorum au-
tnoris jure amplectandi iuterioris templi annos circiter 30 repaguiaria non so-
lidi minus quam synceri
Tho. Nash obiit 25". Augiisti 1648.
I have never seen any of his works, but am informed that the School of Po-
tentates, translated from the Latin, with observaiions, in octavo, 1648, w.is his,
and that he probably wrote the fourfold discourse in quarto, 1632. He was a
zealous royalist, contrary to the sentiments of his two brothers ; the eldest a
country gentleman in Worcestershire, of considerable estate, from whom ths
•dilor is descended, was very active in supporting^ the Parliament catise, ami
302 riUDIBRAS. [Part n
Unless his light and gifts prove truer
Than ever yet they did, I'm sure ;
For if he 'scape vpith whipping now, 1173
'Tis more than he can hope to do :
And that will disengage my conscience
Of th' obligation, in his own sense :
I'll make him now by force abide,
What he by gentle means deny'd, 1190
To give my honour satisfaction,
A.ud right the brethren in the action.
This being resolv'd, with equal speed,
And conduct, he approach'd his steed,
And with activity unwont, 118£
Essay'd the lofty beast to mount ;
jf his, Dido a tragedy, and two comediesj — in Q,neen Elizabetli's
reign, wiio died before the year IGOfi, is supposed by Dr. Farmer
to satirize Sliakspeare for want of learning, in the following
words : " I leave," saith he, " all these to the mercy of their
" mother-tongue, that feed on nought but the crumbs that fall
" from the translator's trencher, that could scarcely latinize their
" neck verse, if they should have neede." Dr. Lodge calls Nash
our true English Aretine : and John Taylor, the water poet,
makes an oath by " sweete satyriche Nash his nrne :" his works,
in throe volumes quarto, were printed 1600, and purchased for
the Royal Library, at an auction iu Whitehall, about the year
1785, for thirty pounds.
[In the sale of Dr. Wright's Library in 1787, a collection (not
an edition) of his works, consisting of twenty-one pieces of vari-
ous dates, was sold for £12. .15 ; see Dibdin's Bibliomania, p. 534 ;
but if it was bought for the King's Library there must be some
error in the Sale Catalogue in attributing all the Tracts to Nash,
as there are but ten under his name in the Catalogue of the
Royal Library.
As Dr. Nash has here indulged a natural vanity upon a sub-
ject more interesting to himself than to the reader of Hudibras,
a somewhat similar indulgence, in this edition, may perhaps be
pardoned when the incidental mention of the Royal Library oc-
casions it. This truly regal library is now deposited in the Brit-
ish Museum. It was, ab initio, formed under the personal direc-
tion of His late Majesty George the Third, by Sir Frederick Bar-
nard, his librarian, and Mr. George Nicol, his bookseller ; and
remains an honorable proof of the king's liberal pursuit and love
of knowledge, and of the skilful industry of the men he so ju-
diciously employed in its collection.]
the grovernment by Cromwell. The younger brother commanded a troop of
horse in the parliament service, was member of parliament for the city of
Worcester, and an active justice of peace under the Protector : the family quar-
rel on political accotmts, and which was carried on with the greatest animosity,
and most earnest desire to ruin each other, together with the decline of the
king's aflairs, and particularly the execution of his person, so atfected the spir-
its of Mr. Thomas Nash, that he determined not long to survive it. The editor
hopes the reader will excuse this periautology and account of his great-gxancl-
fatber, and his two younger brothers — he at this day feels the eti^ -is of theii
iftmily quarrels and party zeal.
Canto m. , HUDIBRAS. 303
Which once atchiev'd, he spurr'd his palfry,
To get from th' enemy and Ralph free ;
Left danger, fears, and foes behind,
And beat, at least three lengths, the wind.* 1190
* volncremque fuga prtevertitur Eurum.
agente nimbos
OcyoT Euro.
AN HEROICAL EPISTLE
OF
HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL,^
Ecce iterum Crispinns.
Weix, Sidrophel, tlio' 'tis in vain
To tamper with your crazy brain,
Without trepanning of your skull,t
As often as the moon's at full,
'Tis not amiss, ere ye 're giv'n o'er, S
To try one desp'rate med'cine more ;
For where your case can be no worse,
The desp'rat'st is the wisest course.
Is't possible that you, whose ears
Are of the tribe of Issachar's,t 10
* This Epistle was not put)lished till many years after the
preceding canto, and has no relation to the character there de-
scribed. Sidrophel, in the poem, is a knavish fortune-teller,
whose iKnorance is compensated by a large share of cunning, la
the Epistle he is ignorant indeed, but the defect is made up by
conceitedness, assurance, and a solemn exterior. It should seem
that Mr. Butler had received an affront or injury from some per
son of moderate abilities, who had obtained, notwithstanding, a
respectable situation, and stood high in the opinion of the world •
and that he addressed the offending party by the title of Sidro-
phel, becaitse he had already applied this name to a vain pre-
tender to science, and had already made it contemptible. The
style is serious, the remarks are pointed and severe ; and he
author does not hold up the character here in his usual way, as
an object of ridicule, but gravely upbraids the man as a credu-
lous assuming liar, in a manner that more resembles the acrimo-
ny of Juvenal, than the delicacy of Horace. I could wish that
this Epistle had been consigned to oblivion, or else published
in some other part of his works. But it has appeared so long
in this place, that 1 have not thought myself at liberty to re-
ject it.
t A chinirgical operation to remove part of the skull, when it
presses upon the brain. It is said to have restored the under-
standing, and was proposed as a remedy for the disorder with
which Dean Swift was afflicted.
t Alluding to Genesis xlix. 14 : " Issachar is a strong ass."
HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL. 305
And might, with equal reason, euher
For merit, or extent of leather,
With William Pryn's, before they were
Rctrench'd, and crucify'd, compare,
Shou'd yet be deaf against a noise IS
So roaring as the public voice ?
That speaks your virtues free and loud,
And openly in ev'ry crowd.
As loud as one that sings his part
T' a wheel-barrow, or turnip-cart, 30
Or your new nick-nam'd old invention
To cry green-hastings with an engine ;*
As if the vehemence had stunn'd.
And torn your drum-heads with the sound ;t
And 'cause your folly's now no news, 25
But overgrown, and out of use,
Persuade yourself there's no such matter,t
But that 'tis vanish'd out of nature ;
When folly, as it grows in years.
The more extravagant appears ; 30
For who but you could be possest
With so much ignorance and beast.
That neither all men's scorn and hate,
Nor being laugh'd and pointed at,
Nor bray'd so often in a mortar,§ 35
* Green-hastings was a well-known apple formerly, thoush
not mentioned in Philips's Cider : winter-hastings is a well-
known pear. Dust-men and news-carriers in London sound a
trumpet or ring a bell, to avoid a continual exertion of the voice.
Way not this passage point at the improvement of the speaking-
trumpet newly invented by Sir Samuel Morland 1
[Hastings, from hasty. Peas that come early. See Todd's
Johnson, where this passage is quoted. The London crier uses
it only for peas.]
t Drum-heads, that is, the drum of your ears.
i i. e. is it possible that you should persuade yourself.
§ Bray'd, from the Saxon word bpacan, to pound or grind.
"Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat
"with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him."
Prov. xxvii. 22. Anaxarchus was pounded in a mortar by order
of Nicocreon, tyrant of Cyprus :
Aut ut Anaxarchus pillii minuaris in alti
Jactaquc pro solitis iVugibus ossa sonent.
Ovid, in Ibin. 571.
Some of the primitive martyrs were ground in mills ; as Victoi
of Marseilles, under Maximian. " Martyrem toto mox corpore
"rotatu celeri conterendum pistoriae moli supponnnt: Tuncelec-
"tum Dei frumentum sine miseratione conterilur." Passio Vic-
toris Massiliensis, apud Coloniesii opera, p. 729. St. Ignatius,
perhaps, alludes to this species of punishment in his Epistles to
the Romans, ch. iv. : all 6s tifu Ocov koI fil ii6vTii>v 5rip(u>v aXij-
306 HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL.
Can teach you wliolesome sense and nurture,
But, l&e a reprobate, what course
Soever us'd, grow worse and worse ?
Can no transfusion of the blood,
That makes fools cattle, do you good?'* 40
Nor putting pigs to a bitch to nurse,
To turn them into mongrel curs :t
Put you into a way, at least.
To make yourself a better beast ?
Can all your critical intrigues, 45
Of trying sound from rotten eggs ;t
Your sev'ral new-found remedies.
Of curing wounds and scabs in trees ;
Your arts of fluxing them for claps,
And purging their infected saps • 50
doiiat, iva KaOapbs apro; elpedu) Tou Xpiarov. Again, iXtitrfiol
iiXov Tov (7u)/iarof. ibid. And I have little doubt but the words
Apra/Kwv aXTiujxoi, in Eunapius's Life of Maxiraus, p. 83, Genev.
ed., which have given the critics so much trouble, relate to a
similar act of cruelty.
M'urturc here means breeding, or good manners. Thus Chats
cer in his Reves Tale, line 3965 ;
What for hire kinrede, and hire nortekie,
That slie had lerned in the nonnerie.
* In the last century several persons thought it worth their
while to transfuse the blood of one living creature into the veins
of another ; and, if we may believe their account, the operation
had good effects. It has even been performed on human sub-
jects. Dr. Mackenzie has described the process in his History
of Health, p. 431. He seems to think that the transfusion of
blood had not a fair trial, and that the e,xperiment3 might have
been puslied farther. Dr. Lower and others countenanced this
practice. Sir Edmund King, a favorite of Charles II., was among
the philosophers of his time, who made the famous experiment
of transfusing the blood of one animal into another. See Phil.
Trans, abr.iii. 224, and the additions and corrections to Pennant's
London. His picture is in the College of Physicians. ShadweU
ridicules this practice in his Virtuoso, where Sir Nicholas Gim-
crack relates some experiments of this transfusion and their ef-
fects. The lines from v. 39 to 59, allude to various projects of
the first establishers of the Royal Society. See Birch's history
of that body, vol. i. 303 ; vol. ii. 48, 50, 54, 115, 117, 123, 125, 101,
312. See also Ward's Gresham Professors, pp. 101, 273. That
makes fools cattle, 1. e. more valuable at least than they were
before ; or perhaps makes them greater fools than they were
before.
t As a note on these lines, a curious story from Glraldus Cam-
brensis, of a sow that was suckled by a bitch, and acquired the
sagacity of a hound or spaniel. See Butler's Remains, vol
i. p. 12.
X On the first establishment of the Royal Society, some of the
members engaged in the investigation of these and similar sub-
jects. The society was incorporated July 15, 16U2.
HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL, 307
Recovering shankers, crystallines,
And nodes and blotches in their reins,
Have no effect to operate
Upon that duller block, your pate ?
But still it must be lewdly bent 55
To tempt your own due punishment ;
And, like your whimsy'd chariots,* draw
The boys to course you without law ;t
As if the art you have so long
Profess'd, of making old dogs young.t 60
In you had virtue to renew
Not only youth, but childhood too :
Can you, that understand all books.
By judging only with your looks.
Resolve ail problems with your face, SS
As others do with B's and A's ;
Unriddle all that mankind knows
With solid bending of your brows ?
All arts and sciences advance.
With screwing of your countenance, 70
And with a penetrating eye.
Into th' abstrusest learning pry ;
Know more of any trade b' a hint,
Than those that have been bred up in't,§
And yet have no art, true or false, 75
To help your own bad naturals ?
But still the more you strive t' appear,
Are found to be the wrctcheder :
For fools are known by looking wise,
* I know not the scheme proposed by the society, perhaps the
chariot to go with legs instead of wheels, as mentioned before ;
or perhaps they might hope to introduce the famous chariot of
Stevinus, which was moved by sails, and carried twenty-eigh
passengers, among whom were prince Maurice, Buzanval, and
Grotius, over the sands of Scheveling, fourteen Dutch miles, in
two hours, as Grotius himself affirms. .
t That is, to follow you close at the heels : to give law
among sportsmen is to let the creature that is to be hunted run
a considerable way before the dogs are suffered to pursue. — See
Remains.
t See Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. ii. 188. His want of
judgment inclines him naturally to the most extravagant under-
takings, like that of "making old dogs young; stopping up of
words in bottles," &c.
§ Printing was invented by a soldier, gunpowder by a monk,
and several branches of the clothing trade by a bishop : this is
said agreeably to the vulgar notion concerning Bishop Blaze, the
patron saint of the wool-combers. But he obtained that honor,
not on account of any improvements he made in the trade, but
because he suffered martyrdom by having his flesh torn by card
ing-irons. See the Martyrology for the third of February.
308 HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL.
As men find woodcocks by their eyes. 80
Hence 'tis because ye 've gained o' th' college*
A quarter share, at most, of knowledge,
And brought in none, but spent repute,
Y' assume a pow'r as absolute
To judge, and censure, and controll, 8S
As if you were the sole sir Poll,
And saucily pretend to know
More than your dividend comes to :
You'll find the thing will not be done
With ignorance and face alone ; 90
No, tho' ye 've purchas'd to your name.
In history, so great a fame ;t
That now your talent's so well-known,
For having all belief out-grown,
That ev'ry strange prodigious tale 95
Is measur'd by your German scale,t
By which tho virtuosi try
The magnitude of ev'ry lie,
Cast up to what it does amount,
* Though the Royal Society removed from Gresham College
on account of the fire of London, it returned there again, 1674,
I'.einj! the year in which this Epistle was published.
t I am inclined to think that the character of Sidrophel, in this
Epistle, was designed rather for Sir Paul Neile than for Lilly, or
perhaps has some strokes at both of them, notwithstanding Dr.
Grey's thinking that "these two lines plainly discover that Lilly
" (and not Sir Paul Neal) was lashed under the name of Sidro-
"phel; for Lilly's fame abroad was indisputable." The poet
seems to allude to Sir Paul in the eighty-sixth line, as he had
before done to Sir Samuel Luke. Sir Paul had otTendod Mr. But-
ler by saying that he was not the author of Hudibras; or per-
haps Sir Poll here might allude to Sir Politick Would-be in Ben
Jonson's Volpone. In history, some historians as well as trav-
ellers have been famous for telling wonderful lies or stories; or,
perhaps, a glance might be here intended at Sprat's History of
the Royal Society. Mr. Thyer, in Butler's Remains, says " he
"can assure the reader, upon the poet's own authority, that the
"character of Sidrophel was intended for a picture of Sir Paul
" Neile, who was son of Richard Neile, (whose father was a
" chandler in Westminster,) who, as Anthony Wood says, went
" through all degrees and orders in the church, schoolmaster, cu-
"rate, vicar, &c. &c. and at last was archbishop of York." Sir
Paul was one of the first establishers of the Royal Society:
which society, in the dawn of science, listening to many things
that appeared trifling and increilihie to the generality of the peo
pie, became the butt and sport of the wits of the times. Browne
Willis, in his Survey of York Cathedral, says, that archbishop
Neile left his son Sir Paul Neile executor, whom, though he left
rich, (as he did his wife 30IW. a year for her life.) yet he soon run
it out, without affording his father a gravestone.
t All incredible stories are now measured by your standard.
One German mile is equal to four miles English cr Italian.
HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL. 309
And place the bigg'st to your account ; 100
That all those stones that are laid
Too truly to you, and those madej
Are now still charg'd upon your score,
And lesser authors nam'd no more.
Alas', that faculty betrays . 105
Those soonest it designs to raise ;
And all your vain renown will spoil,
As guns o'ercharg'd the more recoil ;
Though he that has but impudence,
To all things has a fair pretence ; 110
And put among his wants but shame,
To all the world may lay his claim :
Tho' you have tried that nothing's borne
With greater ease than public scorn,
That all affronts do still give place 115
To your impenetrable face ;
That makes your way thro' all affairs,
As pigs thro' hedges creep with theirs ;
Yet as 'tis counterfeit and brass.
You must not think 'twill always pass ; 120
For all impostors, when they're known.
Are past their labour, and undone :
And all the best that c^n befal
An artificial natural.
Is that which madmen find, as soon 125
As once they've broke loose from the moon,
And proof against her influence,
Relapse to e'er so little sense,
To turn stark fools, and subjects fit
For suart of boys, and n bble-wit IM
PART III. CANTO L
THE ARGUMENT.
Tnh Knight and Squire resolve at once,
The one the other to rei\punce ;
They both approach the Lady's bower,
The Squire t' inform, the Knight to woo h«
She treats them with a masquerade,
By furies and hobgoblins made ;
From which the Squire conveys the Knightf
And steals him from himself by night
HUDIBEAS.
PART III. CANTO I.
'Tis true, no lover has that pow'r
T' enforce a desperate amour,
As he that has two strings to's bow,
And burns for love and money too ;
For then he's brave and resolute, S
Disdains to render in his suit ;*
Has ail his flames and raptures double,
And hangs or drowns with half the trouble;
While those who sillily pm^sue
The simple downright way, and true, 10
Make as unlucky applications,
And steer against the stream their passions.
Some forge their mistresses of stars.
And when the ladies prove averse,
And more untoward to be won 13
Than by Caligula the moon,t
Cry out upon the stars for doing
111 offices, to cross their wooing,
When only by themselves they're hindred,
For tnistiug those they made her kindred,t 20
And still the harsher and hide-bounder.
The damsels prove, become the fonder ;
* That is surrender, or give up : from the French.
t This was one of the extravagant follies of Caligula : " Caius
noctibus quidem plenam fulgentemque lunain invitabat assidu6
in amplesus, atque concubitum." Suetonius, in vita C. Calig
sect. 22.
± The meaning is, that when men have flattered their mis-
tresses extravagantly, and declared them to be possessed of ac-
complishments more than human ; they must not be surprised
if they are treated in return with that distant reserve which be-
ings of a superior order may rightly exercise toward inferior de-
pendent creatures : nor have they room for complaint, since the
injury which they sustain is an effect of their own indiscretion.
312 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
For what mad lover ever dy'd
To gain a soft and gentle bride ?
Or for a lady tender-hearted, 25
In purling streams or hemp departed?
Leap'd headlong int' Elysium,
Thro' th' windows of a dazzling room 7*
But for some cross lU-natur'd dame.
The am'rous fly burnt in his flame. 30
This to the Knight could be no news,
With all mankind so much in use ;
Who therefore took the wiser course,
To make the most of his amours,
Resolv'd to try all sorts of ways, 35
As follows in due time and place.
No sooner was the bloody fight
Between the wizard and the knight,
With all th' appurtenances over.
But he relaps'd again t' a lover ; 40
As he was always wont to do.
When he 'ad discomfited a foe,
And us'd the only antique philters,
Deriv'd from old heroic tilters.t
But now triumphant and victorious, 45
He held th' atchievement was too glorious
For such a conqueror to meddle
With petty constable or beadle ;
Or fly for refuge to the hostess
Of th' inns of court and chanc'ry, justice ; 50
Who might, perhaps, reduce his cause
To th' ordeal trial of the laws d
* Drowned themselves. Objects reflected by water appear
nearly the same as when they are viewed through a window,
or through the windows of a room so high from the ground that
it dazzles one to look down from it. Thus Juvenal, Sat. vi. v.
31. Altae caligantesque fenestr2e : which Holyday translates,
dazzling high windows. 'HXar'd^' vtprjyov rdxtos eh ^'t6r]v,
Callimachus, Ep. 29, where 'Aiivv does not mean hell, but the
place of departed souls, comprehending both Elysium and Tar
tarus.
t The heroes of romance endeavored to conciliate the aft'ec-
lions of their mistresses by the lame of their illustrious exploits.
So was Desdemona won. Shakspeare's Othello, Act i.
" She loved me for the dangers 1 had past. '
i Ordeal comes from the Anglo-Saxon ojibal, which is also
derived from the Teulonic, and signifies judgment. The meth-
ods of trial by fire, water, or combat, were in use till the time of
Henry III., and the right of exercising them was annexed to seve-
ral lordships or manors. At this day, when a culprit is arraigned
at the bar, and asked how he wiU be tried, he is directed to an-
Canto i.] HUDIBllAS. 313
Where none escape, but such as branded,
With red-hot irons, have past bare-handed ;
And if they cannot read one verse 55
I' th' psahns, must sing it, and that's worse.*
He, therefore, judging it below him.
To tempt a shame the dev'l miglit owe him»
Resolv'd to leave the Squire for bail
And mainprize for him, to the jail, CO
To answer, with his vessel, allt
That might disastrously befall.
He thought it now the fittest juncture
To give the Lady a rencounter ;
T' acquaint her with his expedition, 65
And conquest o'er the fierce magician ;
Describe the manner of the fray.
And shew the spoils he brought away ;
His bloody scourging aggravate.
The number of the blows and weight : 70
All which might probably succeed.
And gain belief he 'ad done the deed :
Which he resolv'd t' enforce and spare
No pawning of his soul to swear ;
But, rather than produce his back, 75
To set his conscience on the rack ;
And, in pursuance of his urging
Of articles perform'd, and scourging,
And all things else, upon his part,
Demand delivery ot her heart, 80.
Her goods and chattels, and good graces,
And person, up to his embraces.
Thought he, the ancient errant knights
Won all their ladies' hearts in fights,
And cut whole giants into fitters,! 85
swer, "by God and my country," by the verdict or solemn opin-
ion of a jury. " By God" only, would formeriy have meant tho
ordeal, which referred the case immediately to the divine judg-
ment.
* When persons claimed the benefit of clergj', they were re-
quired to read a verse in the Bible, Rcnerally in the Psalms. It
was usual, too, for the clergyman who attended an execution, to
give out a ^jsalm to be sung. 5o that the common people said,
if they could not read their neck verse at sessions, they must
sing it at the gallows.
t In this term the saints unwittingly concurred w th the grave
old philosophers, who termed the body oKevoi.
t Some editions read fritters ; but the corrected one of 1678
has Jitters, a phrase often used by romance writers, very frequent-
ly by the author of the Romant of Roniants. Our author joins
14
314 HUDIBRAS. [Pmt m^
To put them into am'rous twitters ;
Whiose stubborn bowels scorn'd to yield,
Until their gallants were half kill'd ;
But when their bones were drubb'd so sore,
They durst not woo one combat more, 90
The ladies' hearts began to melt,
Subdu'd by blows their lovers felt.
So Spanish heroes, with their lances,
At once wound bulls and ladies' fancies ;*
And he acquires the noblest spouse 95
That widows greatest herds of cows ;
Then what may I expect to do,
Who 've quelled so vast a buffalo ?
Meanwhile the Squire was on his way.
The Knight's late orders to obey ; ..00
Who sent him for a strong detachment
Of beadles, constables and watchmen,
T' attack the cunning man for plunder
Committed falsely on his lumber ;
When he, who had so lately sack'd 105
The enemy, had done tiie fact.
Had rifled all his pokes and fobs
Of gimcracks, whims, and jiggumbobs.
Which he by hook or crook had gather'd,
And for his own inventions father'd : 110
And when they should, at jail-delivery,
Unriddle one another's thievery.
Both might have evidence enough
To render neither halter-proof.t
He thought it desperate to tarry, 115
And venture to be accessory ;
But rather wisely slip his fetters.
And leave them for the Knight, his betters.
He call'd to mind th' unjust foul play
He would have olFer'd him that day, 120
with Cervantes in burlesquing the subjects and style of roroan
ces. [Fitters, small fragments, from fetta, Ital. fetzen, Germ.
They look and see the stones, the words, and letters,
All cut and mangled, in a thousand ^tter*.
Harrington's Ariosto, xxiv. 40.
* The bnll-feasts at Madrid have been frequently described
The ladies take a zealous part at these combats.
t The mutual accusations of the knight and Sidrophel, if es-
tablished, might hang both of them. Halter-proof is to be in no
langer from a halter, as musket-proof in no danger from a mus-
sel : to render neither halter-proof is to render both in danger of
being hanged.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS, 313
To make him curry his own hide,
Wiiich no beast ever did beside,
Witliout all possible evasion.
But of the riding dispensation :*
And therefore, mucii about the hour 125
The Kniglit, for reason told before,
Resolv'd to leave him to the fury
Of justice, and an unpack'd jury,
The Squire concurr'd to abandon him,
And serve him in the self-same trim ;t 130
T' acquaint the Lady what h' had done.
And what he meant to carry on ;
What project 't was he went about.
When Sidrophel and he fell out ;
His firm and stedfast resolution, 135
To swear her to an execution ;t
To pawn his inward ears to marry her,§
And bribe the devil himself to carry her
In which both dealt, as if they meant
Their party saints to represent, 140
Who never faif d, upon their sharing
In any prosperous arms-bearing.
To lay themselves out to supplant
Each other cousin-german saint.
But ere the Knight could do his part, ^ 145
The Squire had got so much the start.
He 'ad to the lady done his errand.
And told her all his tricks aforehand.
* Ralpho considers chat he should not have escaped the whip-
ping intended for him by the linight, if their dispute had not
been interrupted by the riding-shew, or skimmington.
t The author has long had an eye to the selfishness and
treachery of the leading parties, the' Presbyterians and Inde-
pendents. A few lines below he speaks more plainly :
In which both dealt as if they meant
Their party saints to represent,
Who never fail'd, upon their sharing
In any prosperous arms-bearing.
To lay themselves out to supplant
Each other cousin-german saint.
The reader will remember that Hudibras represents the Pres-
byterians, and Ralpho the Independents: this scene therefore
alludes to the manner in which the latter supplanted the formei
in the civil war.
t To swear he had undergone the stipulated whipping, and
then demand the performance of her part of the bargain.
$ His honor and conscience, which might forfeit some of theii
immunities by perjar>', as the outward ears do for the same crime
in the sentence of the statute law
316 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Just as he finish'd his report,
The Knight alighted in the court, 15C
And having ty'd his beast t' a pale.
And taking time for both to stale,
He put his band and beard in order.
The sprucer to accost and board her :*
And now began t' approach the door, 155
When she, wh' hadspy'd him out before,
Convey'd th' informer out of sight.
And went to entertain the Knight :
With whom encountering, after lougeest
Of humble and submissive congees, » 160
And all duo ceremonies paid.
He strok'd his beard and thus he said :t
Madam, I do, as is my duty,
Honour the shadow of your shoe-tie ;§
And now am come, to bring your eai 165
A present you'll be glad to hear ;
At least I hope so : the thing's done,
Or may I never see the sun ;
For which I humbly now demand
Performance at your gentle hand ; 170
And that you'd please to do your part,
As I have done mine to my smart.
■* Thus Polonius :
Away, I do beseech you, both away ;
I'll board him presently. — O, give ine leave. —
How does my good lord Hamlet 1
t That is, after darting himself forward, as fencers do when
they make a thrust.
+ Nee tamen ante adiit, etsi properabat adire,
Quam se composuit, quam circumspexit amictus,
Et finxit vultum, et meruit forniosa videri ;
Tunc sic orsa loqui. Ovid. Metam. 1. iv. 1. 317.
Thus Cleveland, iu his poem on the Mixed Assembly, p. 43 •
That Isaac might go stroke his beard, and sit
Judge of els aiov and elegerit.
In Sir Philip Sidney's Arcadia, lib. iii. p. 349. " Afid now
•being come within compass of discerning her, he began to
" frame the loveliest countenance that he could ; stroking nphia
" legs, setting up his beard in due order, and standing bolt up
"right."
^ [Mr. Todd finds this rhyme used before by Crashaw, in hi»
Delights of the Muses, published in 1646 :
I wish her beauty,
That owes not all its duty
To gaudy tire, or glistering shoe-ty.]
Canto I] HUDIBRAS. 317
With that he shmgg'd his sturdy back,
As if he felt his shoulders ake :
But she, who well enough knew what, 175
Before he spoke, he would bo at.
Pretended not to apprehend
The mystery of what he mean'd.
And therefore wish'd him to expound
His dark expressions less profound. 180
Madam, quoth he, I come to prove
How much I've sufFer'd for your love.
Which, like your votary, to win,
I have not spar'd my tatter'd skin ;*
And, for those meritorious lashes, 185
To claim your favour and good graces.
Quoth she, I do remember oncet
I freed you from th' enchanted sconce ;t
And that you promis'd, for that favour.
To bind your back to th' good behaviour,§ 190
And for my sake and service, vow'd
To lay upon 't a heavy load,
And what 't would bear to a scruple prove,
As other knights do oft' make love.
Which, whether you have done or no, 19^
Concerns yourself, not me, to know ;
But if you have, I shall confess,
Y' are honester than I could guess.
Quoth he, If you suspect my troth,
I cannot prove it but by oath ; 200
And, if you make a question on't,
I'll pawn my soul that I have don't :
And he that makes his soul his surety,
I think does give the best security.
Quoth she, Some say the soul's secure 205
Against distress and forfeiture ;
Is free from action, and exempt
From execution and contempt ;
And to be summon'd to appear
In th' other world's illegal here,]] 210
* Roman Catholics used to scourge themselves before the
image of a favorite saint.
t The lady here vvith affected drollery says once, as if the
event had happened some time before, though in reality it was
only ihe preceding day.
t From the stocks.
^ It should seem a better reading would be, as in the latei
editions,
To bind your back to 'ts good behaviour.
U Alluding to the famous story of Peter and John de Catra
318 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
And therefore few make any account,
Int' what incumbrances they run't :
J-or most men carry things so even
Between this world, and hell, and heaven,*
Without the least offence to either, 215
They freely deal in all together,
And equally abhor to quit
This world for both, or both for it :
And when they pawn and damn their souls,
They are but pris'ners on paroles 220
For that, quoth he, 'tis rational.
They may be accountable in all :t
For when there is that intercourse
Between divine and human pow'rs.
That all that we determine here 225
Commands obedience ev'ry where ;t
When penalties may be commuted^
For fines, or ears, and executed,
It follows, nothing binds so fast
As souls in pawn and mortgage past : 230
For oaths are the only tests and scales
Of right and wrong, and true and false ;
And there's no other way to try
The doubts of law and justice by.
Quoth she, What is it you would swear? 235
There's no believing till I hear :
For, 'till they're understood, all tales.
Like nonsense, are not true nor false.
jal, who, being unjustly condemned for murder, and taken for
execution, summoned ttie king, Ferdinand the Fourth of Ppain,
to appear before God's tribunal in thirty days. The king laughed
at the summons ; but, though he remained apparently in good
health on the day before, he died on the thirtieth day. Mariana
says, there can be no doubt of the trath of this story.
* That is, between this world and the next, or a future state.
Men have dealings without any scruple in both at the same
time ; that is, they are not so completely good as not to have
some concern for this, nor yet so con)pletely wicked as not to
have snme for the next ; they have an equal abhorrence at the
thoughts of quitting this world for the next, of forsaking their
manner of living on account of their belief of a future state:
or quitting the next world for this, that is. of forsaking their be-
lief of a future state on account of their enjoyments of this
world.
t That is, as to that, it stands to reason that men may be ac-
conntable in this vvorUl, and in the next.
t He seems at no loss for an application of a text in Scripture,
" Whatsdever ye shall bind on e irth, shall be bound in heaven.''
^ The knight argues that, since temporal punishments maybe
mitigated ami conimuted, the best securities for truth and hones-
ly are those expectations which affect man in hia spiritual state.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 319
Quoth he, When I resolv'd t' obey
What you commanded th' other day, 240
And to perform my exercise,
As schools are wont, for your fair eyes ;
T' avoid all scruples in the case,
I went to do't upon the place ;
But as tho castle is enchanted 245
By Sidrophel the witch, and haunted
With evil spirits, as you know,
Who took my Squire and me for two,*
Before I'd hardly time to lay
Sly weapons by, and disarray, 250
I heard a formidable noise,
Loud as the Stentrophonic voice, t
That roar'd far off. Dispatch and strip,
I'm ready with th' infernal whip,
That shall divest thy ribs of skin 255
To expiate thy ling'nng sin ;
Thou 'ast broke perfidiously thy oath.
And not perform'd thy plighted troth,
But spar'd thy renegado back.
Where thou hadst so great a prize at stake,'! 260
Which now the fates have order'd me
For penance and revenge, to flea.
Unless thou preseirtly make haste ;
Time is, time was ; and there it ceast.§
With which, tho' startl'd, I confess, 265
Yet th' horror of the thing was less
Thau the other dismal apprehension
Of interruption or prevention ;
And therefore, snatching up the rod,
I laid upon my back a load, 270
Resolv'd to spare no»flesh and blood,
To make my word and honour good ;
Till tir'd, and taking truce at length,
For new recruits of breath and strength,
* For two evil and delinquent spirits.
t Thus Homer, Iliad, v. 78j :
UrivTopi tlaayLivr] fueyaXi^Topi %aXK£o^(ivt().
And Juv. Sat. xiii. 112:
Tu miser exclamas, ut Stentora vincere possis.
The speaking trumpet was a little before the publication of this
canto much improved by Sir Samuel Morland, one of the first es-
tablishers of the Royal Society.
t The later editions, perhaps with more propriety, read, »Ae»
tkou 'adst. But where in old authors means whereas.
$ This alludes to the vvell-kno^vn story of the brazen head.
320 HUDIBRAP. [Part ni.
I felt the blows still ply'd as fast, 275
As if they 'ad been by lovers plac'd,
lu raptures of Platouic lashing,
And chaste contemplative bardcishing :*
When facing hastily about,
To stand upon my guard and scout,t S!8C
I found til' infernal cunning man,
And ih' under-witch, his Caliban,}:
With scourges, like the furies, arm'd,
That on my outward quarters storm'd.
In haste I snatch'd my weapon up, 285
And gave their hellish rage a stop ;
Call'd thrice upon your name,§ and fell
Courageously on Sidrophel,
Who now transform'd himself t' a bear,||
Began to roar aloud, and tear ; 29U
When I as furiously press'd on.
My weapon down his throat to run,
Laid hold on him ; but he broke loose,
And turn'd himself into a goose,
Div'd under water, in a pond, 295
To hide himself from being found ;
la vain I sought him ; but as soon
As I perceived him fled and gone,
Prepar'd, with equal haste and rage
His under-sorc'rer to engage ; 300
But bravely scorning to defile
My sword with feeble blood, and vile,
I judg'd it better from a qiiick-
Set-hedge to cut a knotted stick,
With which I furiously laid on ; 305
* The epithets chaste and contemplative are used ironically.
See Genuine Remains, vol. i. W(, and vol. ii. 352. Ur. Buhver, io
his Artificial Changeling, p. 269, says, " The Turks call those that
"are young, and have no beards, bardasses."
t Sir Samuel Lul^e was scnut-inaster.
i See Shakspeare's Tempest.
§ Bantering the romance writers, whose heroes frequently it-
voke their mistresses :
numero deus irapare gaudet.
Virg. eclog. viii.
II Thus Ovid. Metam. lib. viii. 732 :
Nam modo te jnveneni, modo te vid6re leonem :
Kunc vinlentus aper, nunc, quern tetigisse timerent,
Anguis eras : tnodo te faciebant cornua taurum,
Sa;pe lapis poteras, arbor quoque saepe videri.
When J aa furiously. — Some editions read, perhaps better:
When as I furiously—
CArrro i.] HLDIBRAS. 321
Till, in a harsh and doleful tone,
It roiir'd, O hold, for pity, Sir,
I am too great a sufferer,*
Abus'd as you have been b' a witch,
But conjur'd int' a worse caprich,t — 310
Who sends nie out on many a jaunt,
Old houses in the niglit to haunt,
For opportunities t' improve
Designs of thievery or love ;
With drugs convey'd in drink or meat, 313
All feats of witches counterfeit ;
Kill pigs and geese with powder'd glass,
And make it for enchantment pass ;
With cow-itcht meazle like a leper,
And choke with fumes of guinea pepper ; 320
Make lechers, and their punks, with dewtry.
Commit fantastical advowtry ;§
* O, /or pitj/, is a favorite expression of Spenser. Polydore, in
Virgil, JEn. iii. 41, says :
Quid miserum, jEnea, laceras ? jam parce sepulto ;
Parce pias scelerare manus.
t That is, whim, fancy, from the Italian, capriccio.
I Cowage is a plant from the East Indies, tlie pod of which is
covered with sliort hairs : if these hairs are applied to the skin,
they cause an itching for a short time ; they are often used by
young people to tease one another with.
§ Dewtry, or datura, is a plant, growing chiefly in the East
Indies, whose seeds and flowers have an intoxicating quality.
They who are skilled in the management of this drug, can, it is
said, proportion the dose of it so as to suppress the senses for any
particular number of hours. The Abyssinians likewise have an
herb, called by the Calfres, banquini, and by the Portuguese, du-
tra, which, if taken in meat or drink, produces a stupor, and con
tinues it for the space of twenty-four hours. See Lobo's
Voyage to Abyssinia, Dissertation on the Eastern Side of Africa,
p. a-26. Duncan gave wine, and bread steeped in the juice of
this herb (which some suppose to be the stram()nium)to Iveno, king
of Norway, and by the eflect of it preserved the town of Bartha,
in Scotland, from his attacks. Buchanan, Hist. Scot. lib. vii.
Among the inquiries recommended by Sir Robert Moray, and
sent by the Royal Society to Sir Philiberto Vernatti, resident at
Batavia, are the following : " Whether the Indians can so pre-
" pare that stupifying herb datura, that they make it lie several
"days, months, years, according as they will have it, in a man's
"body, without doing him any hurt, and at the end kill him,
"withoui missing half an hour's time'? Whether thuse that be
"stupified by the juice of this herb, are recovered by moistening
"the soles of their feet in fair water?" See Spratt's History of
the Royal Society, pp. 161 and 162. " Henr. SalmuthusConmi.
"in nova reperta PanciroUi, lib. i. tit. 1. Daturam appellat du-
" troam ; et ex floribus, ait, bulbi quandam speciem oriri, in quo
" nuclei sunt, melonuni semini similes, qui cibo potionique per-
"mixti utentis cerebrum pervadunt, ac stultitiam quandam cum
"risu coDtinuo, absque alio sensu, aut uUa rerum notitia, exci-
14*
323 HUDIBRAS. [Part ra.
Bewitch hermetic men to run
Stark staring mad with manicon ;*
Believe mechanic virtuosi 32i
Can raise 'em mountains in Potosi ;
And silher than the antic fools,
Take treasure for a heap of coals ;t
"lent, tandemque somnnm indiicant. Addit ex Christopheri a
" Costa lib. de aromat. cap. de datura, Indoruin Lusitanorunique
' u.xores nucleos eos subinde ignaris niaritis exhibere, ac deinde
" ipsis spectantibiis ac ridentibus, secure adulteiissuicopiam fa-
"cere: ex sonino vero excitatos nulliiisrei meminisse,sed sopore
" tantuni levi se correptos fuisse sibi iniaginari." Henricus Mei-
bomius de cerevisiis veterum. cap. 23. Meminit Garsias ab hor-
to hist, plant, novi orbis, lib. ii. c. 24, floris et serninis herba;,
qiiain daturatn vocat, colorem roris marini seniulantis. Eurn ait
potuit ciboque injectuni. et assiiniptuni, homines mente quodam-
modo alienare, et in risuni solvere, atque amentes veluti et ebri-
os facere. Grnnnv. Antiq. Gr£EC. ix. p. COG.
Jidvowtry signifies the same with adultery. The word is used
by Lord Baron, in his Life of Henry V[L "Maximilian duke of
" Burgundy spake all the evil he could devise of Charles the
"French king, saying that he was the most perfidious man upon
" earth, and that he had made a marriage compounded between
"an advowtry and a rape."
The sense of the passage 1*!, make lewd old fellows, that are
past actual, commit, by means of dewtry, imaginary adultery.
* Alchymists, who pretend to things beyond the power of art.
See a lone character of the hermetic philosopher full of wit and
learning, Butler's Remains, vol. ii. p. 225. Manicon is an herb,
BO called from its power of causing madness. Banquo, in Shak-
speare's Macbeth, seems to allude to it when he says :
Were such things here, as we do speak about 1
Or have we eaten of the insane root,
That takes the reason prisoner 1 Act i.
Meibomius de cerevisis, xxiii. 10. Est in eodum censu strych-
non, sive manicuni, sive halicacabuni, quE interdum confundunt
auctores. De eo Theophiastus Hist. Plant, ix. 12, ait drachmas
pondere potum efficere naiC^av riva kol boKtiv eavrip KaXXiarov
Plinius xxi. ex eo lusum gigni, speciesque vanas imaginesque
conspicuas obversari, attirmat. Dioscorides iv. 72, ait eadem
herba pota (pavraala; airoTcXuv ovk ayjScis-
t The poet here ridicules the alchymists for pretending to the
power of transmuting metals, or turning baser minerals into
gold. In the mountains of Potosi are the rich mines belonging
to the king of Spain. The credulous disciples of these philoso-
phers our author calls antick fools. Antic, antick, or antique,
because the cheat began to be out of fashion when Mr. Butler
wrote this part of his book — soon after the Restoration. Or per-
haps by antic fools he might mean those silly dreamers, among
the ancients, who gave occasion to the proverb, "pro thesauro
"carbones;" they dreamed of gold, but on examination found
coals; it is frequently applied by Lucian. And Phsedrus v. fab.
Vi. Ben Jonson uses the word antique in two senses.
The last line is not clearly expressed. If it had been written,
"For treasure take an heap of coals," or "Turn treasure to an
" heap of coals," the meaning would have been more obvious.
Cahto I.] HUDIBRAS. 323
Seek out for plants with signatures,
To quack of universal cures ;* 336
Witii figures, ground on panes of glass,
Make people on their heads to pass ;t
And mighty heaps of coin increase.
Reflected from a single piece ;
To draw in fools, whose nat'ral itches 333
Incline perpetually to witches.
And keep me in continual fears.
And danger of my neck and ears ;
When less delinquents have been scourg'd,
And hemp on wooden anvils forg'd, 340
Which others for cravats have worn
About their necks, and took a turn.
I pity'd the sad punishment
The wretched caitiif underwent.
And held my drubbing of his bones 343
Too great an honour for poltroons ;
For knights are bound to feel no blows
From paltry and unequal foes,1:
Who when they slash and cut to pieces,
Do all with civiilest addresses : 350
Their horses never give a blow.
But when they make a leg and bow.§
I therefore spar'd his flesh, and prest him
About the witch, with many a question.
Quoth he. For many years he drove 355
* Plants whose leaves resemble the form of some or other of
the vitals, or have marks or fis;ures upon them represeiitins any
cuticular affection, were thought to point out their own medicinal
qualities. Thus wood-sorrel was used as a cordial, because its
leaf is shaped like a heart. Liverwort was given for disorders
of the liver. The herb dragon was employed to counteract the
effects of poison, because its stem is speckled like some serpents.
The yellow juice of the celandine recommended it for the cure
of the jaundice. And Paracelsus said, that the spots which ap-
pear on the leaves of the Persicaria maculosa, proved its etficacy
in the scurvy.
t The multiplying glass, concave mirror, camera obscura, and
other inventions, which were new in our author's time, passed
with the vulgar for enchantments ; and as the law against
witches was then in force, the exhibiters of these curiosities
were in so?ne danger of being sentenced to Bridewell, the pillory,
or the halter.
t According to the rules of knight-errantry. See Don Quixote,
(book iii. ch. i.,) and romances in general.
5 i. e. the courteous knight never strikes his horse but when
he stumbles ; but Mr. T. B. gives it a different sense, and thinks
it alludes to the action of a horse when the rider gives it a blow
on the head ; ducking the head, and throwing out the leg, being
fla unlike an awkward bow.
324 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
A kind of broking-trade in iove,*
Employ'd in all th' intrigues and trust,
Of feeble speculative lust *
Procurer to th' extravagancy,
And crazy ribaldry of fancy, 36t
By those the devil had forsook.
As things below him, to provoke ;
But b'ing a virtuoso, able
To smatter, quack, and cant, and dabble,
He held his talent most adroit, 365
For any mystical exploit.
As others of his tribe had done,
And rais'd their prices three to one ;
For one predicting pimp has th' odds
Of chaldrons of plain downright bawds. STf
But as an elf, the devil's valet,
Is not so slight a thing to get,t
For those that do his bus'ness best,
In hell are us'd the rviggedest ;
Before so meriting a person 373
Cou'd get a grant, but in reversion.
He serv'd two 'prenticeships, and longer,
I' th' myst'ry of a lady-monger.
For, as some write, a witch's ghost,t
As soon as from the body loos'd, 380
Becomes a puisney-imp itself
And is another witch's elf,
He, after searching far and near.
At length found one in Lancashire,
With whom he bargain'd beforehand, . 385
And, after hanging, entertain'd :
Since which he 'as play'd a thousand feats.
And practis'd all mechanic cheats :
Transform'd himself to th' ugly shapes
Of wolves and bears, baboons and apes, 39P
Which he has vary'd more than witches,
Or Pharaoh's wizards cou'd their switches ;§
And all with whom he 'as had to do,
* He transacted the business of intrigues ; was a pimp.
\ William Lilly tells us he was fuurteen years hefore he could
get an elf, or ghost of a departed witch. At last he found one
in Lancashire, a country always famous for witches. Thus
Cleveland, p. 76 :
Have you not heard the abominable sport
A Lancashire grand jury will report.
t A better reading would be, JVow, as some write.
$ See Exodus vii.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS, 325
Turn'd to as monstrous figures too :
Witness myself, whom lie 'as abus'd, 395
And to this beastly shape reduc'd,
By feeding me on beans and peas,
He crams in nasty crievices,
And turns to comfits by his arts,
To make me relish for deserts, 400
And one by one, with shame and fear,
Lick up the candy'd provender.
Beside — But as h' was running on,
To tell what other feats he'ad done,
The lady stopt his full career, 405
And told him, now 'twas time to hear.
If half those things, said she, be true —
They're all, quoth he, I swear by you.
Why then, said she, that Sidrophel
Has damn'd himself to th' pit of hell, 411
Who, mounted on a broom, the uag
And hackney of a Lapland hag.
In quest of you came hither post,
Within an hour, I'm sure, at most.
Who told me all you swear and say, ,415
Quite contrary, another way ;
Vow'd that you came to him, to know
If you shou'd carry me or no ;
And would have hir'd him and his imps,
To be your match-makers and pimps, 420
T' engage the devil on your side.
And steal, like Proserpine, your bride ;
But he, disdaining to embrace
So filthy a design, and base.
You fell to vapouring and huffing, 435
And drew upon him like a ruffian ;
Surpris'd him meanly, unprepar'd,
Before he 'ad time to mount his guard,
And left him dead upon the ground,
With many a bruise and desperate wound ; 430
Swore you had broke and robb'd his house.
And stole his talismanique louse,*
And all his new-found old inventions,
With flat felonious intentions.
Which he could bring out, where he had, 435
And what he bought 'em for, and paid ;
* The poet intimates, that Sidrophel, being much plagued with
lice, had made a talisman, or formed a louse in a certain position
of the stars to chase away this kind of vermin.
326 HUDIBRAS. [Part lit
His flea, his morpion, and punese,
He 'ad gotten for his proper ease,*
And all in perfect minutes made.
By th' ablest artists of the trade ; 440
Which, he could prove it, since he lost,
He has been eaten up almost,
And altogether, might amount
To many hundreds on account ;
For which he 'd got sufficient warrant 445
To seize the malefactors errant,
Without capacity of bail.
But of a cart's or horse's tail ;
And did not doubt to bring the wretches
To serve for pendulums to watches, 450
Which, modern virtuosi say.
Incline to hanging every way.t
Beside, he swore, and swore 'twas true,
That ere he went in quest of you,
He set a figure to discover 455
If you were fled to Rye or Dover ;
And found it clear, that to betray
Yourselves and me, you fled this way ;
And that he was upon pursuit,
To take you somewhere hereabout. 460
He vow'd he had intelligence
Of all that pass'd before and since ;
And found, that ere you came to him,
Y' had been engaging life and limb
About a case of tender conscience, 465
Where both abounded in your own sense ;
Till Ralpho by his liglit and grace,
Had clear'd all scruples in the case,
And prov'd that you might swear, and own
Whateve'r's by the wicked done : 470
For which, most basely to requite
The service of his gifts and light,
You strove t' oblige liim, by main force.
To scourge his ribs instead of yours ;
But that he stood upon his guard, 475
And all your vapouring outdar'd ;
For which, t between you both, the feat
Has never been perform'd as yet.
* The talisman of a flea, a louse, and a bug.
t The circular pendulums for watches were invented about
onr author's time by Dr. Hooke.
t That is, on which account.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 327
While thus the Lady talk'd, the Knight
Turu'd th' outside of his eyes to white •* 480
As men of inward light are wont
To turn their optics in upon't ;
He wonder'd how she came to know
What he had done, and meant to do ;
Held up his affidavit hand,t 485
As if he 'ad been to be arraign'd ;
Cast tow'rds the door a ghastly look,
In dread of Sidropliel, and spoke :
Madam, if but one word be true
Of all the wizard has told you, 490
Or but one single circumstance
In all th' apocryphal romance.
May dreadful earthquakes swallow down
This vessel, that is all your own ;t
Or may the heavens fall, and cover 495
These relics of your constant lover.§
You have provided well, quoth she,
I thank you for yourself and me.
And shewn your presbyterian wits
Jump punctual with the Jesuits ; • 500
A most compendious way, and civil,
At once to cheat the world, and devil,
With heaven and hell, yourselves, and those
On whom you vainly think t' impose.
* The dissenters are ridiculed for an affected sanctity, and
Cuming lip the whiles of their eyes. Thus Ben Jonson :
he is called for a puritan —
That used to turn up the eggs of his eyes.
And Fenton in his Poems :
Her eyes she disciplin'd precisely rig. t,
And when to wink, and how to turn the white.
t When any one takes an oath, he puts his right hand to the
Book, that is, to the New Testament, and kisses it ; but the cov-
enanters, in swearing, refused to kiss the book, saying it was po-
pish and superstitious : they substituted the ceremony of hold-
ing up the right hand, which they used also in taking any oath
Defore the m:igistrate. The seceders in Scotland, who affect all
the preciseness of the old covenanters, I believe still adhere to
this practice.
t The knight has made all needful proficiency in the art of
equivocation. This poor devoted vessel is — not the abject suitor,
but the lady herself.
^ Here the knight still means the widow, but would have it
understood of himself.
Troas, reliquias Danaum atque inmitis Achillei.
Virg. .^n. 1. 30
328 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Why then, quoth he, may hell surprise — SOS
That trick, said she, will no* pass twice:
I've learn'd how far I'm to believe
Your pinning oaths upon your sleeve ;
But there's a better way of clearing
What you would prove, than downright swearing .
For if you have perform'd ■'.he feat,
The blows are visible as yet.
Enough to sei-ve for satisfaction
Of nicest scruples in the action ;
And if you can produce those knobs, SIS
Altho' they're but the witch's drubs,
I'll pass them all upon account.
As if your nat'ral self had done 't ;
Provided that they pass th' opinion
Of able juries of old women. 520
Who, us'd to judge all matter of facts
For bellies,* may do so for backs.
Madam, quoth he, your love's a million,
To do is less than to be willing,
As I am, were it in my power, S25
T' obey what you command, and more ;
But for performing what you bid,
I thank you as much as if I did. ^
You know I ought to have a care
To keep my wounds from taking air ; 530
For wounds in those 'hat are all heart,
Are dangerous in any part.
I find, quoth she, my goods and chattels
Are like to prove but mere drawn battles ;t
For still the longer we contend, 535
We are but farther off the end.
But granting now we should agree,
What is it you expect from me ?
Your plighted faith, quoth he, and word
You pass'd in heaven, on record, 540
Where all contracts t' have and t' hold,
Are everlastingly enroU'd :
And if 'tis counted treason here
To raze records, 'tis much more there.
Quoth she. There are no bargains driv'u, 5-15
* When a woman ^reten(is to be pregnant, in order to gain &
respite from her sentence, the fact must be ascertained by ■djury
of matrons.
t That is, no other than matter for mere undecisive bicker-
ings.
•.NTOi.] HUDIBRAS. 329
Nor marriages clapp'd up in heav'n ;*
And that's the reason, as some ^uess,
There is no heav'n in marriages ;
Two things that naturally presst
Too narrowly, to be at ease : 450
Their bus'ness there is only love,
Wliich marriage is not like t' improve ;t
Love, that's too generous t' abide
To be against its nature ty'd ;
For where 'tis of itself iuclin'd, X5
It breaks loose when it is confin'd,§
And like the soul, its harbourer,
Debarr'd the freedom of the air,
Disdains against its will to stay,
But struggles out, and flies away : 560
And therefore never can comply,
T' endure the matrimonial tie.
That binds the female and the male.
Where th' one is but the other's bail ;||
Like Roman gaolers, when they slept, 565
Chaiu'd to the prisoners they kept :ir
Of which the true and faithfuU'st lover
Gives Ijest security to suffer
Marriage is but a beast, some say,**
* The author alludes to Mark xii. 25 : "For when they shall
" arise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in mar-
"riaRe."
t That is, bargains and marriages.
t Plurinius in coelis amor est, connubia nulla :
C'onjugia in terris plurinia, nulliis amor.
5 The widow's notions of love are similar to those of Eloise,
so happily expressed by Pope:
Love, free as air, at sight of human ties,
Spreads his light wings, and in a moment flies.
So Chaucer, in his Frankeleines Tale :
Love wol not be constrained by maistrie :
Whan maistrie cometh, the god of love anon
Beteth his vvinges, and, farewel, he is gon.
.5;iius Verus, according to Spartian, used to say, "Uxor dignj-
"talis nomen est, non voluptatis."
II That is. where if one of them is faulty, the other is drawn
into difficulties by it, and the truest lover gives best security to
sulfer, or is likely to be the greatest sufferer.
ir The custom among the Romans was the same as among
modern constables, to chain the right hand of the culprit to the
left hand of the guard : Modus est, ut is qui in noxa esset, cate-
nam manui dextra; alligatam haberet, quK eadem militis sinis-
tram vinciret.
** Sir Thomas Brown, author of the Vulgar Errors, and Re-
ligio Medici, speaks of the ultimate act of love as a folly beneath
330 HUDIBRAS. [Parp iii
That carries double in foul way, 57fi
And therefore 'tis not to be admir'd,
It should so suddenly be tir'd ;
A bargain, at a venture made,
Between two partners in a trade ;
For what's inferr'd by t' have and t' hold, 575
But something pass'd away and sold ?*
That, as it makes but one of two,
Reduces all things else as low ;
And at the best is but a mart
Between the one and th' other part, 580
That on the marriage day is paid.
Or hour of death, the bet is laid ;t
And all the rest of better or worse,
Both are but losers out of purse :
For when upon their ungot heirs 585
Th' entail themselves and all that's theirs,
What blinder bargain e'er was driven,
Or wager laid at six and seven ?
To pass themselves away, and turn
Their children's tenants ere they're born ? 590
Beg one another idiot
To guardians, ere they are begot ;
a philosopher, and says, that he could be content that we might
procreate like trees without conjunction. Bui, after writing this,
he descended from his philosophic dignity, and married an agrea*
able woman :
The strong, the brave, the virtuous, and the wise,
Sink in the soft captivity together.
Addison's Cato.
* An equivocation. The words " to have and to hold," in the
marriage ceremony, signify "I take to possess and keep;" in
deeds of conveyance their meaning is, "I give to be possessed
" and kept by another."
t (Thus in some editions.) The poet's allusions are sometimes
far-fetched and obscure. Perhaps he means, that each party ex-
pects to tind a satisfaction in marriage ; and if they are a little
disappointed when they come together, they will not fail to meet
with it when they are separated. Mart, is marketing, or matter
of purchase between the parties, who are only reimbursed the
venture made, on the marriage day, or hour of death ; and as to
any thing else in marriage both parties are losers, for they settle
and give away their estates to ungot heirs ; consigning them-
selves, like idiots and lunatics, to guardians and trustees. Mr.
Butler generally pursues iiis subject as far as he can with pr.7-
priety. But I do not know that we can justify the transition, in
this speech, from a lively vindication of the generous nature of
iove, to a long detail of the abuses and evils of matrimony. He
might wish for an opportunity of satirizing the vices of the times.
Beside, we learn, that he had suffered some inconveniences him
self from an unfortunate niarriage.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 331
Or ever shall, perhaps, by th' one
Who's bound to vouch them for his own,
Tho' got b' implicit generation,* 59'
And general club of all the nation. ',
For which she's fortify'd no less
Than all the island with four seas ;t
Exacts the tribute of her dower.
In ready insolence and power, flOO
And makes him pass away, to have
And hold to her, himself, her slave.
More wretched than an ancient villain,}
Condemn'd to drudgery and tilling ;
While all he does upon the by, 6J5
She is not bound to justify,
Nor at her proper cost or charge
Maintain the feats he does at large.
Such hideous sots were those obedient
Old vassals to their ladies regent, 610
To give the cheats the eldest hand
In foul play, by the laws o' th' land.
For which so many a legal cuckold
Has been run down in courts, and truckl'd :
A law that most unjustly yokes 615
All Johns of Stiles to Joans of Nokes,§
Without distinction of degree.
Condition, age, or quality ;
Admits no pow'r of revocation.
Nor valuable consideration, 620
Nor writ of error, nor reverse
Of judgment past, for better or worse ;
Will not allow the privileges
That beggars challenge under hedges.
* Pr. Johnson says, implicit signifies mixed, complicated, inlrl
cale, perplexed.
t The interpretation of the law was, that a child could not be
deemed a bastard, if the husband had remained in the island, or
within the four seas. See Butler s Remains, vol. i. p. 122.
} The villains were a sort of slaves, bound to perform the
meanest and most laborious offices. They were appendages to
the liind, and passed with it to any purchaser : as the lord was
not answerable for any thing done by his villain tenant, no mora
is the wife for any thing done by her villain husband, though he
is bound to justify and maintain all that his wife does by the by.
For which so many an injured husband has submitted to have
his character run down in the courts, and suffer himself to be
proved a cucliold on record, that he might recover damages from
the adulterer.
$ The poet makes the latter a female : they are names given
In law proceedings to indefinite persons, like Caius and Titina
In the civil law.
332 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
Who, when they're griev'd, can make dead horses
Their spiritual judges of divorces ;*
While nothing else but rem in re
Can set the proudest wretches free ;
A slavery beyond enduring,
But that 'tis of their own procuring.t 63G
As spiders never seek thw *iy,
But leave him, of himself, t' apply ;
So men are by themselves betra^d,
To quit the freedom they enjoy'd,
And run their necks into a noose, 635
They'd break 'em after to break loose.
As some, whom death would not depart,}:
Have done the feat themselves by art.
Like Indian widows, gone to bed
In flaming curtains to the dead ;§ 640
And men as often dangled for't.
And yet will never leave the sport.
Nor do the ladies want excuse
For all the stratagems they use.
To gain th' advantage of the set,|| S4S
And lurch the amorous rook and cheat.
For as the Pythagorean soul
Runs thro' all beasts, and fish, and fowl,ir
* The gipsies, it is said, are satisfied of the validity of such
decisions.
+ Because the statutes are framed by men :
ZcvxOiii yafiotciv oxiK iXcidcpd? y ear).
Ndfii^c yfifiai iov\oi cipai ti3 6iif.
Brunclc. Poet. Gn. 224.
1 Alluding to several reviews of the r.onimon prayer before
the J.ast, where it stood, " 'til death us depart," and then altered,
" til death us do part."
$ They burn themselves on the funeral piles of their hus-
bands. " Muliercs vero in India, cum est cujusvis earnm \'ir
" mortuus, in certamen judiciumque veniunt, quam plurimum
" ille dile.xerit ; plures enim singulis solent esse nuptee. Qua; est
" victrix, ea la;ta, prosequentibus suis, una cum viro in rogtim
"imponitur." Cicero, Tusc. Disputat. v. 27. Strabo says, they
were obliged to do so by law, because the women were wont to
poison their husl)ands : and of later times, those women who by
any means evade the performance of it, are accounted infamous
for the rest of their lives. By the English law, women who
murder their husbands are deemed guilty of petty treason, and
condemned to be burnt. In India, when the hnsband dies, and
his corpse is burned, his wives throw themselves into the fune-
ral pile ; and it is pretended they doit out of affection ; but some
think the custom was instituted to deter the wife from hastening
the period of her husband's existence.
ji Set, that is, game, a term at tennis.
tT Pythagoras, according to Heraclides nsed to say of himself
Caj.to I.] ilUDIBRAS. 333
And has a smack of ev'ry one,
So love does, and has ever done ; 650
And therefore, tliough 'tis ne'er so fond,
■Takes strangely to the vagabond.
'Tis but an ague that's reverst,
Whose hot fit takes the patient first.
That after burns with cold as much 655
As iron in Greenland does the touch ;*
Melts in the furnace of desire,
Like glass, that's but the ice of fire ;
And when his heat of fancy's over.
Becomes as hard and frail a lover :t 660
For when he's with love-powder laden,
And prim'd and cock'd by Miss or Madam,
The smallest sparkle of an eye
Gives fire to his artillery,
And off the loud oaths go, but, while 665
They're in the very act, recoil :
Hence 'tis so few dare take their chance ,
Without a sep'rate maintenance ;
And widows, who have try'd one lover,
Trust none again 'till they've made over ;t 670
Or if they do, before they marry.
The foxes weigh the geese they carry ;
And ere they venture o'er a stream.
Know how to size themselves and them.
Whence wittiest ladies always choose 675
To undertake the heaviest goose :
For now the world is grown so wary.
That few of either sex dare marry.
But rather trust, on tick, t' amours,
that he remembered not only what men, but what plants auJ
what animals his soul had passed through. And Empedocles
declared of himself, that he had been first a boy, then a girl,
then a plant, then a bird, then a fish.
* Metals, if applied to the flesh, in very cold climates, occa-
sion extreme pain. Mr. Butler, in his MS. Common-place book,
has quoted :
Ne tenues pluviae, rapidive potentia soils
Acrior, aut Bores penetrabile frigus adurat.
. " Virg. Georg. i. 92.
See Johnson on Psalm cxxi. 0, and his note. That, i. e. the pa-
tient.
t That is, becomes a lover as hard and frail as glass : for ho
melts in the furnace of desire, but then it is like the melting o/
glass, which, when the heat is over,' is but a kind of ice.
t Made over their [ roperty, in trir<t, to a third person for thell
*oie and separate use
334 HUDIBR A.S. [Part m
Tlio cross and pile for better or worse ;* 68n
A mode that is held honourable,
As well as French, and fashionable :
For when it falls out for the best.
Where both are incommoded least,
In soul and body two unite, 68S
To make up one hermaphrodite,
Still amorous, and fond, and billing,
Like Phillip and Mary on a shilling,t
They've more punctilios and capriches
Between the petticoat and breeches, 69«
More petulant extravagances.
Than poets make 'em in romances ;
Tho', when their heroes 'spouse the dames,
We hear no more of charms and flames ;
For then their late attracts decline, 695
And turn as eager as prick'd wine ;
And all their catterwauling tricks,
In earnest to as jealous piques,
Wliich th' ancients wisely signify'd
By th' yellow mantos of the bride.t 700
For jealousy is but a kind
Of clap and grincam of the mind,§
* Whose tonge ne pill ne crouche male hire. J. Gower.
Here it signifies a mere chance, toss up, heads or tails. This
line constitutes a sentence, which is the accusative case after
the verb trust ; in tliis sense, trust the chance for happiness or
unhappiness to gallantries, for which they take cue another'*
word.
t On the shillings of Philip and Mary, coined 1555, the faces
are placed opposite, and pretty near to each other.
+ The bride, among the Romans, was brought home to her
husband in a yellow veil, «alled flammeum. Thus Ca,tullus,
lis. 6:
Cinge tempora floribus
Suave-olentis amaraci:
Flammeum cape,
and Lucan, ii. 361 :
Lutea demissos velarunt flamraea vuUus.
The widow intimates, that the yellow color of the veil was
an einblem of jealousy. The gall, which is of that color, was
considered as the seat of the evil passions. We learn from Plu-
tarch's connubial precepts, that they who sacrificed to Juno did
not consecrate the gall, but threw it beside the altar : signifying
that gall or anger should never attend a marriage ; but that the
severity of a matron should be profitable and pleasant, like the
roughness of wine, and not disagreeable and of a medicinal qual-
ity, like aloes.
$ The later editions read crincam ; either of them is a cant
froru, denoting an Infectious disease, or whimsical affection, of
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 335
The natural effect of love,
As other flames and aches prove :
But all the mischief is, the doubt 709
On whose account they first broke out ;
For tho' Chineses go to bed.
And lie-in in their ladies' stead,*
And, for the pains they took before,
Are iiurs'd and pamper'd to do more ; 710
Our green-men do it worse, when th' hapT
ihe mind, applied commonly to love, lewdness, or jealousy.
Thus, in the manors of East and West Enborne, in Berkshire, if
the widow by incontinence forfeits her free bench, she may re-
cover it again, by riding into the next manor court, backward, on
» black ram, with his tail in her hand, and saying the following
words :
y^cve J: am, fftiiua upon a blaclt ram,
2,ifee a toljorc as £ am :
^nti for mi) crfncum crancum,
JQabe lost mn lifnnim tancum.
Blount's Fragmenta Antiquitat. first ed. p. 144.
I Nares's Glossary affords the following perfectly explanatory
passage : "You must know, Sir, in a nobleman 'tis abusive ; no,
" in him the serpigo, in a knight the grincomes, in a gentleman
" the Neapolitan scabb, and in a serving man or artificer the
" plaine pox." .Tnnes's Adrasta, 1635. C. 2.]
* In some countries, after the wife has recovered her lying-in
it has been the custom fi)r the husband logo to bed, and be treat-
ed with the same care and tenderness. ApoUonius Rhodius, II
1013, says of the Tibarini in Pontus :
Tova^t lUT avTiK^ 'iirtiTa Vtvrjraiov Aw; aKprjv
riidfixpavTC?, (niovTo irape^ Ti[3apr]viia yalav.
"Ei'Q' ixti ap Kg TCKUivrai t'x' di'Spd(n TiKva yvvalieti,
Aurot p.iv CTCvdxovciv ivl \tx^^<^<^i- ircadi'TCi,
Kpdara iriadfitvoi' ral 6 cv Kopiovaiv iiii)Sjj
^Avepac, IjSi Xocrpa XtxaJi'a Tolci -nivovTai.
\nd Valerius Flaccus, v. 148 :
Inde Genetcei rupem Jovis, hinc Tibarenum
Dant virides post terga lacus ; nbi deside niitra
Foeta ligat, partuque virum fovet ipsa soluto.
The history of mankind hath scarcely furnished any thing
more unaccountable than the prevalence of this custom. We
meet with it in ancient and modern times, in the old world and
in the new, among nations who could never have had the least
intercourse with each other. In Purchas's Pilgrim, it is said to
be practised among the Brazilians. At Haerlem, a cambric
cockade hung to the door, shows that the woman of the house
Is brought to bed, and that her husband claims a protection from
arrests during the six weeks of his wife's confinement. Polnitz
Memoirs, vol. ii. p. 396.
t Raw, inexperienced youths ; or else the beaus and coxcombs
of those days, who might delight in green clothes : or perhaps
336 HUDIBRAS. [Part to.
To fall in laoour of a clap ;
Both lay the child to one another,
But who's the father, who the mother,
'Tis hard to say in multitudes, 713
Or who imported the French goods.*
But health and sickness b'ing all one,
Which both engag'd before to own,t
And are not with their bodies bound
To worship, only when they're sound, 720
Both give and take their equal shares
Of all they suffer by false wares ;
A fate no lover can divert
With all his caution, wit, and art :
For 'tis in vain to think to guess 725
At women by appearances.
That paint and patcli their imperfections
Of intellectual complections.
And daub their tempers o'er with washes
As artificial as their faces ; 730
Wear under vizard-masks their talents
And mother-wits before their gallants :
he means a new-married couple. Shakspeare, in Hamlet, (Act
iv. sc. 5,) says :
And we have done but greenly to inter him.
* Nicholas Monardes, a physician of Seville, who died 1577,
tells us that this disease was supposed to have been brought into
Europe at the siege of Naples, from the West Indies, by some of
Columbus's sailors, who accompanied him to Naples on his re-
turn from his first voyage. When peace was there made be-
tween the French and Spaniards, the armies of both nations had
free intercourse, and conversini; with the same women, were in-
fected by this disorder. The Spaniards thouaht they had re-
ceived the contagion from the French, and the French maintained
that it had been conmiunicated to them by the Spaniards. Gu-
icciardin, in the end of his second book, dates the origin of this
distemper in Europe at the year 1495." Dr. Gascoigne, as quoted
by Antiiony Wood, says he had known several persons who had
died of it in his time. Naples was besieged in the rei^n of our
Henry VH., and Dr. Gascoigne lived in the time of Richard II.
and Henry VI. His will was proved in the year 1457. The ac-
count of Monardes is erroneous in many particulars. Indeed,
after all the pains which have been taken by judicious writers,
to prove that this disease was brought from America or the West
Indies, the fact is not sufficiently established. Perhaps it was gen-
erated in Guinea, or some other equinoctial part of Africa. As
ttruc, the best writer on this subject, says it was brought from
the West Indies between the years 1494 and 1496.
t Alluding to the words of the marriage ceremony : so in the
following lines,
with their bodies bound
To worship.
1
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS 337
Until they're hamper'd in the noose,
Too fast to dream of breaking loose ;
When ail the flaws they strove to hide 735
Are made unready with the bride,
That with her wedding-clothes undresses
Her complaisance and gentilesses ;
Tries all her arts to take upon her
The government, from th' easy owner ; 740
Until the wretch is glad to wave
His lawful right, and turn her slave ;
Find all his having and his holding
Reduc'd t' eternal noise and scolding ;
The conjugal petard, that tears . 745
Down all portcuUices of ears,*
And makes the volley of one tongue
For all their leathern shields too strong ;
When only arm'd with noise and nails.
The female silkworms ride the males,t 750
Transform 'em into rams and goats,
Like syrens, with their charming notes ;
Sweet as a screech-owl's serenade.
Or those enchanting murmurs made
By th' husband mandrake, and the wife, 755
Both bury'd, like themselves, alive.t
Quoth he, These reasons are but strains
Of wanton, over-heated brains.
Which ralliers in their ^vit or drink
Do rather wheedle with, than think. 760
Man was not man in paradise,
Until he was created twice.
And had his better half, his bride,
* The pnet humorously compares the noise and clamor of a
»»,o!ding wife, which breaks the drum of her husband's ears, to
the petard, or short cannon, beating down the gates of a castle.
t That is, the females, like silk-worms, gaudy reptiles.
i Ancient botanists entertained various conceits about this
plant; in its forked roots they discovered the shapes of men and
women ; and the sound which proceeded from its strong fibres,
hen strained or torn from the ground, they took for the voice of a
^uman being ; sometimes they imagined that they had distinctly
heard their conversation. The poet takes the liberty of entail-
ing upon these hints and represents the ni:indrake husband and
wife quarrelling under ground ; a situiUion, he says, not more
uncomfortable than that of a married pair continually at vari-
ance, since these, if not in fiict, are virtually buried alive. In
Columella, lib. x., we have, semlhomines mandrajorte flores
The Hebrew word, in Genesis, may be disputed upon forever.
Benoit, the historian of the revocation of the edict of- NantZi
thought it meant strawberries. Ciiaufepife, v. Benoit.
15
338 HUDIBRAS (Part in.
Carv'd from th' original, his side,*
T' amend iiis natural defects, 765
And perfect his recruited sex ;
Enlarge his breed, at once, and lessen
The pains and labour of increasing.
By changing them for other cares.
As by his dry'd-up paps appears. 77C
His body, that stupendous frame,
Of all the world the anagram,t
Is of two equal parts compact,
In shape and symmetry exact.
Of which the left and female side 775
Is to the manly right a bride,t
Both join'd together with such art.
That nothing else but death can part.
Those heav'nl)'- attracts of your's, your eyes,
And face, that all the world surprise, 780
That dazzle all that look upon ye.
And scorch all other ladies tawny :
Those ravishing and charming graces.
Are all made up of two half faces
That, in a mathematic line, 785
Like those in other heav'ns, join ;§
Of which, if either grew alone,
* Thus Cleveland :
Adam, 'til his rib was lost,
Had the sexes thus engrost.
When Providence our sire did cleave,
And out of Adam carved Eve,
Then did men 'bout wedlock treat,
To make his body up complete,
t The world in a state of transposition. INIan is often called
the microcosm, or world in miniature. Jlnagram is a conceit
from the letters of a name transposed; though perhaps with
more propriety we might read diagram.
t In the Symposium of Plato, Aristophanes, one of thedialo-
gists relates, that the human species, at its original formation,
consisted not only of males and females, but of a third kind, com-
posed of two entire beings of different sexes. This last rebelled
against Jupiter ; and for a punishment, or to render its attacks
the less formidable in future, was completely d'vided. The
strong propensity which inclines the separate parts to a reunion,
is, according to the same fable, the origin of love. And since it
is hardly possible that the dissevered moieties should stumble
upon each other, after they have wandered about the earth, we
may, upon the same hypothesis, account for the number of un-
happy and disproportionate matches which men daily engage
in, by saying that they mistake their proper halves.
$That is, that join insensibly in an imperceptible line, like the
Imaginary lines of mathematicians. Other heavens, that is, the
real heavens.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 339
'Twould fright as much to look upon :
And so would that sweet bud, your lip,
Without the other's fellowship. 790
Our noblest senses act by pairs,
Two eyes to see, to hear two ears ;
Th' intelligencers of the mind,
To wait upon the soul desigu'd :
But those that serve the body alone, 7DC
Are single and confin'd to one.
The world is but two parts, that meet
And close at th' equinoctial fit ;
And so are all the works of nature,
Stamp'd with her signature on matter ; 800
Which all her creatures, to a leaf.
Or smallest blade of grass, receive.*
All which sufBciently declare
How entirely marriage is her care.
The only method that she uses, 805
In all the wonders she produces ;
And those that take their rules from her
Can never be deceived, nor err :
For what secures the civil life.
But pawns of children, and a wife ?t 810
That lie, like hostages, at stake,
To pay for all men undertake ;
To whom it is as necessary,
As to be born and breathe, to marry ;
So universal, all mankind 815
In nothing else is of one mind :
For in what stupid age, or nation,
Was marriage ever out of fashion ?t
Unless among the Amazons,
Or cloister'd friars and vestal nuns,§ 820
Or stoics, who, to bar the freaks
And loose excesses of the sex,
Prepost'rously would have all women
Turn'd up to all the world in common ;||
* The sexual differences of plants.
t Clui liberDS genuit, obsides fortuna; dedit.
i The general prevalence of matrimony is a good argument
for its use and continuance.
$ The Amazons were women of Scythian extraction, settled
in Cappadocia, who, as Justin tells us, avoided marriage, ac-
counting it no better than servitude. Cloistered friars, so termed
by the poet, because they take a vow of celibacy like the vestals
in ancient Rome. The poor vestal nuns must have a place in
the catalogue.
II Diogenes asserted, that marriage was nothing but an empty
340 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
Tho' men would find such mortal feuds 825
In sharing of their public goods,
'T would put them to more charge of lives,
Than they're supply'd with now by wives ;
Until they graze and wear their clothes,
As beasts do, of their native growths :* 830
For simple wearing of their horns
Will not suffice to serve their turns.
For vphat can we pretend t' inherit,
Unless the marriage deed will bear it?
Could claim no right to lands or rents, 835
But for- our parents' settlements ;
Had been but younger sons o' th' earth,
Debarr'd it all, but for our birth.t .
What honours, or estates of peers,
Could be preserv'd but by their heirs ? 840
And what security maintains
Their right and title, but the bans ?
What crowns could be hereditary,
If greatest monarchs did not marry.
And with their consorts consummate 845
Their v/eightiest interests of state ?
For all th' amours of princes are
But guarantees of peace or war.
Or what but marriage has a charm,
The rage of empires to disarm ? 850
Make blood and desolation cease,
And fire and sword unite in peace.
When all their fierce contests for forage
Conclude in articles of marriage ?
Nor does the genial bed provide 855
Less for the int'rests of the bride.
Who else had not the least pretence
T' as much as due benevolence ;
name. And Zeno, the father of the stoics, maintained that all
women ought to be common, that no words were obscene, and
no parts of the body needed to be covered.
* i. e. such intercommunity of women would be productive of
the worst consequences, unless mankind were alreadv reduced
to the most barbarous state of nature, and men become altogether
brutes.
t If there had been no matrimony, we should have had no
provision made for us by our forefathers ; but, like younger chil-
dren of our primitive parent the earth, should have been exclu-
ded from every possession. He seems to reflect obliquely upon
the common method of distributing the properties of families so
much in favor of the elder branchos, the younger sons not inher-
iting the land.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 341
Could no more title take upon her
To virtue, quality, and honour, SCO
Than ladies errant unconfin'd.
And femme-coverts t' all mankind.
All women would be of one piece,
The virtuous matron, and the miss ;
The nymphs of ciiaste Diana's train, 865
The same with those in Lewkner's-lane,*
But for the diff'rence marriage makes
'Twixt wives and ladies of the lakes :t
Besides, the joys of place and birth
The sex's paradise on earth,t 67i
A privilege so sacred held.
That none will to their mothers yield ;
But rather than not go before.
Abandon heaven at the door :§
And if th' indulgent law allows 875
A greater freedom to the spouse,
The reason is, because the wife
Runs greater hazards of her life ;
Is trusted with the form and matter
Of all mankind, by careful nature, 880
Where man brings nothing but the stuff
She frames the wond'rous fabric of ;11
* A street in the neighborhood of Drury-lane or St. Giles's,
inhabited chiefly by struiiipels.
t Alluding to the old romance of Sir Lancelot and the Lady
of the Lake. Rlr. fVarburton. But the corrected edition reads
lakes in the plural number ; and perhaps we may look for these
ladies elsewhere, — in the la ;unes of Venice, certain streets in
Westminster, or Lambeth Marsh, Bankside, &c. &c. [Lake, to
play ; from the Gothic and Saxou, laikan. Used in the north of
England. Todd.]
X Thus Mr. Pope :
For sylphs, yet mindful of their ancient race,
Are, as when women, wond'rous fond of place.
Our poet, though vindicating the ladies and the happy estate
of matrimony, cannot help introducing this stroke of satire : Bas-
tards have no place, or rank.
§ That is, not go to church at all, if they have not their right
of precedence. Chaucer says of the wife of Bath, 451 :
In all the parish wif ne was there nnn,
That to the offrinp before hire shiilde gon,
And if ther did, certain so wroth was she,
That she was out of aile charitee.
fl Various have been the attempts to explain the mystery of
peneration. Aristotle, Harvey, Lewenhoek, Drake, and Barlho-
line, have produced their diiierent hypotheses. But from fur-
ther discoveries in anatomy, supported by the strictest analogy
throughout the animal and vegetable kingdoms, it appears that
342 IIUDIBRAS. [Part in.
Who therefore, in a strait, may freely
Demand the clergy of her belly,*
And make it save her the same way, 833
It seldom misses to betray ;t
Unless both parties wisely enter
Into the liturgy-indenture.
And tho' some fits of small contest
Sometimes fall out among the best, S90
That is no more than ev'ry lovei
Does from his hackney lady suffer ;
That makes no breach of faith and love,
But rather, sometimes, serves t' improve ;t
For as, in running, ev'ry pace 895
Is but between two legs a race.
In which both do their uttermost
To get before, and win the post ;
Yet when they're at their race's ends.
They're still as kind and constant friends, 900
And, to relieve their weariness,
By turns give one another ease ;
So all those false alarms of strife
Between the husband and the wife.
And little quarrels often prove 905
To be but new recruits of love ;
When those wlio're always kind or coy,
In time must either tire or cloy.§
the female furnishes the germ or ovum, which is only impregna-
ted by the male: or, in the words of Mr. Hunter, the female pro-
duces a seed, in which is the matter fitted for the first arrange-
ment of the organs of the animal, and which ret-eives the prin-
ciple of arrangement fitting it for action, from the male.
♦ As benefit of clergy may be craved in some cases of felony :
so pregnant women, who have received sentence of death, may
demand or crave a respite from execution, till after they are de-
livered.
t As their big bellies betray their incontinence, so they some
times save their lives.
i Amantium irffi, amoris jntegratio est.
Tev. And. iii. sc.iii.23.
In amore haec omnia insunt vitia ; injurite,
Suspiciones, inimicitiae, inducis,
Bellum, pax rursum. Id. Eun. I. sc. i. 14.
^ Coy seems to be used in the French sense, for quiet, or still
It has this signification both in Chaucer and Douglas. fA pas-
sage quoted by archileacou Mares under the verb to coy, will ex-
plain Butler's meaning:
And while she coys his sooty cheeks, and curies his sweaty top
Warner's Alb. Engl. B. vi. p. 148.
And the following line from an old poem, " William and the
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 34S
Nor are their loudest clamours more
Than as they're rehsh'd, sweet or sour ; 919
Like music, that proves bad or good,
According as 'tis understood.
In all amours a lover burns
With frowns, as well as smiles, by turns ;
And hearts have been as oft with sullep, 913
As charming looks, snrpriz'd and stolen
Then why should more bewitching clamour
Some lovers not as much enamour ?
For discords make the sweetest airs,
And curses are a kind of pray'rs ; 920
Too slight alloys for all those grand
Felicities by marriage gain'd :
For nothing else has pow'r to settle
Th' interests of love perpetual ;
An act and deed that makes one heart 925
Become another's counter-part.
And passes fines on faith and love,*
InroU'd and register'd above.
To seal the slippery knots of vows,
Which nothing else but death can loose. 930
And what security's too strong
To guard that gentle heart from wrong,
That to its friend is glad to pass
Itself away, and all it has,
And, like an anchorite, gives over 935
This world, for th' heav'n of a lover ?t
I grant, quoth she, there are some few
Who take that course, and find it true ;
But millions, whom the same does sentence
To heav'n b' another way, repentance. 940
Love's arrows are but shot at rovers,t
Tho' all they hit they turn to lovers.
And all the weighty consequents
Depend upon more blind events
Than gamesters when they play a set, 945
With greatest cunning, at piquet
Werwolf," may be interesting on a word that has been used in
such opposite senses :
Acoyed it [a child] to come to him and clepud it oft.]
* That is, makes them irrevocable, and secures the title ; as
passing a fine in law does a conveyance or settlement.
t Mr. Butler, I hope, has now made amends for his former in-
civility. In this speech the knight has defended the ladies, and
the married state, with great gallantry, wit, and good sense.
X That is, shot at random, passim, temere.
344 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Put out with caution, but take in
They know not what, unsight, unseen.
For what do lovers, when they're fast
In one another's arms einbrac'd, 950
But strive to plunder, and convey
Each other, hke a prize, away 1*
To change the property of selves,
As sucking children are by elves?
And if they use their persons so, 953
What will they to their fortunes do?
Their fortunes ! the perpetual aims
Of all their extacies and flames.
For when the money's on the book,
And " all my worldly goods" — but spoke.t 96C
The formal livery and seisin
That puts a lover in possession ;
To that alone the bridegroom's wedded,
The bride a flam that's superseded ;
To that their faith is still made good, 965
And all the oaths to us they vow'd ;
For when we once resign our pow'rs.
We 'vo nothing left we can call ours :
Our money's now become the miss
Of till your lives and services ; 970
And we forsaken and postpon'd.
But bawds to what before we own'd ;t
Which, as it made y' at first gallant us,
So now hires others to supplant us,
Until 'tis all turn'd out of doors, 975
As we had been, for new amours.
For wliat did ever heiress yet.
By being born to lordships get?
When the more lady she's of manors,
She's but expos'd to more trepanners, 980
Pays for their projects and designs.
And for her own destruction fines ;
And does but tempt them with her riches,
To use her as the dev'l does witches,
* QuiE me surpuerat niihi. Hor. lib. iv. od. 13.
But such writers as Petronius best explain the spirit of this
passage, were it fit to be explained. Transfudimus hinc et hinc
iabellis errantes aniinas.
t Alluiling to the form of marriage in the common prayer-
book, where the fee is directed to be put upon the book, and the
bridegroom endows the bride with all his worldly goods.
i That is, are procurers of Ihe Miss, our money, which we
before owned.
Camto 1.1 HUDIBRAS. 345
Who takes it for a special grace, 38fi
To be their cully for a space,
That, when the time's expir'd, the drazels*
For ever may become his vassals *
(So she, bewitch'd by rooks and spirits.
Betrays herself, and all sh' inherits ; 99C
Is bought and sold, like stolen goods.
By pimps, and match-makers, and bawds ;
Until they force her to convey
And steal the thief himself away.
These are the everlasting fruits 99C
Of all your passionate love-suits,
Th' effects of all your am'rous fancies.
To portions and inheritances ;
Your Icve-sick raptures for fruition
Of dowry, jointure, and tuition ; lOOt
To which you make address and courtship.
And with your bodies strive to worship.
That th' infant's fortunes may partake
Of love too,t for the mother's sake.
For these you play at purposes, 1005
And love your loves with A's and B's ;
For these, at Beste and I'Ombre woo.
And play for love and money too -,1
Strive who shall be the ablest man
At right gallanting of a fan ; 1010
* The mean, low wretches, or draggle-tails. Drazels, I be-
lieve, means vagrants, from an old French word, draseler, a vaga-
bond ; draser, the same iis VHguer: the words sienitv the same in
Dutch. Thus Warner, in his Albion's England :
Now does each drazel in her glass, when I was young I wot,
On holydays (for seldom else) such idle time was got.
[Draseler \s not to he found in Roquefort, Fnretierre, nor Rich
eiet, nor is it in the Dutch Dictionaries of Halma nor Winckel-
Dian ; but dras, in Dutch, is mud ; and as Grose explains drazil,
a dirry slut, and gives the word to the southern part of England,
the Dutch language may have in this case enriched our vocabu-
lary, and we need not go with Todd and Nares to drotchell and
irostel.]
t That is, the widow's children by a former husband, that are
tinder age, to whom the lover would be glad to be guardian, as
well as have the management of the jointure.
X The widow, in these and the following lines, gives no bad
sketch of a person who endeavors to retrieve his circumstances
by marriage, and practises every method in his power to recom-
mend himself to his rich mistress: he plays with her at ques-
tions and commands, endeavors to divert her with cards, puts
himself in masquerade, flirts her fan, talks of flames and darts,
aches and sufferings ; which last, the poet intimates, might mora
justly be attributed to other causes.
15»
346 HUDIBRAS. [Pabt hi.
And who the most genteelly bred
At sucking of a vizard-bead ;*
How best t' accost us in all quarters,
T' our question and command new garters ;T
And solidly discourse upon 1015
All sorts of dresses pro and con :
For there's no mystery nor trade,
But in the art of love is made ;t
And when you have more debts to pay
Than Michaelmas and Lady-day,§ 1020
And no way possible to do 't
But love and oaths, and restless suit,
To us y' apply, to pay the scores
Of all your cully'd past amours ;
Act o'er your flames and darts again, 1025
And charge us with your wounds and pain ;
Which other's influences long since
Have charm'd your noses with, and shins ;
For which the surgeon is unpaid,
And like to be, without our aid. 1030
Lord ! what an am'rous thing is want !
How debts and mortgages enchant !
What graces must that lady have.
That can from executions save I
What charms, that can reverse extent, 1035
And null decree and exigent!
What magical attracts, and graces,
That can redeem from scire facias I||
From bonds and statutes can discharge,
* Masks were kept close to the face, by a bead fixed to the in-
side of them, and held in the mouth.
t At the vulgar play of questions and commands, a forfeiture
often was to takeotTa lady's garter : expecting this therefore the
lady provided herself with new ones. Or she might be com-
manded to make the gentleman a present of a pair of new
garters.
t That is, made use of, or practised.
\ These are ttie two principal rent-days in the year: unpleas-
ant days to the tenant, and not satisfactory to the landlord, when
his debts exceed his rents.
II Here the pnet shows bis knowledge of the law, and law
terms, which he always uses with great propriety. Execution is
obtaining piis>ession of any thing recovered by judgment of law.
Extent, the estimate of lands to their utmost value by the
sherilf and jury, in order to satisfy a bond, or other engagement
forfeited. Exigent is a writ requiring a person to appear; it lies
where the defendant in an action personal cannot be found, or
any thing in the county, whereby he may be distrained. Scira
'acias, a writ to show cause why execution of judgment should
not go out
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 347
And from contempts of courts enlarge ! lOia
These are the highest excellencies
Of all your true or false pretences ;
And you would damn yourselves, and swear
As much t' an hostess dowager,
Grown fat and pursy by retail 1045
Of pots of beer and bottled ale.
And, find her fitter for your turn,
For fat is wondrous apt to burn ;
Who at your flames would soon take fire,
Relent, and melt to your desire, 105J
And like a candle m the socket,
Dissolve her graces iut' your pocket.
By this time 'twas grown dark and late,
When th' heard a knocking at the gatf
Laid on in haste, with such a powder, 105t
The blows grew louder still and louder:
Which Hudibras, as if they 'ad been
Bestow'd as freely on his skin.
Expounding by his inward light,
Or rather more prophetic fright, 1060
To be the wizard, come to search,
And take him napping in the lurch,
Turn'd pale as ashes, or a clout ;
But why, or wherefore, is a doubt :
For men will tremble, and turn paler, 1065
With too much, or too little valour.
His heart laid on, as if it try'd
To force a passage through his side,*
Impatient, cis he vow'd, to wait 'em.
But in a fury to fly at 'em ; 1070
And therefore beat, and laid about.
To find a cranny to creep out.
But she, who saw in what a taking
The Knight was by his furious quaking.
Undaunted cry'd, Courage, sir Knight, 1075
Know I'm resolv'd to break no rite
Of hospitality t' a stranger ;
But, to secure you out of danger,
Will here myself stand sentinel.
To guard this pass 'gainst Sidrophel : 1080
Women, you know, do seldom fail
To make the stoutest men turn tail.
And bravely scorn to turn their backs,
Upon the desp'ratest attacks.
* 'EjCTop/ T* ahru) Ov/jos hi ^>jdc(T<n Trdraaacv. II. vii. 21&
348 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
At this the Knight grew resolute, 1085
As Ironside, or Hardiknute :*
His fortitude began to rally,
And out he cry'd aloud, to sally ;
But she besought liim to convey
His courage rather out o' th' way, 1090
And lodge in ambush on tho floor,
Or fortify'd behind a door.
That, if the enemy should enter.
He might relieve her in th' adventure.
Meanwhile they knock'd against the doo' , 1095
As fierce as at the gate before ;
Which made the renegado Knight
Relapse again t' his former fright.
He thought it desperate to stay
Till th' enemy had forc'd his way, 1100
But rather post himself, to serve
The lady for a fresh reserve.
His duty was not to dispute,
But what she 'ad order'd execute ;
Which lie resolv'd in haste t' obey, 1105
And therefore stoutly march'd away,
And all h' encounter'd fell upon,
Tho' iu the dark, and all alone ;
Till fear, that braver feats performs
Than ever courage dar'd in arms, 1110
Had drawn him up before a pass,
To stand upon his guard, and face ;
This he courageously invaded,
And, having enter'd, barricado'd ;
Ensconc'd himself as formidable 1115
As could be underneath a table ;
Where he lay down in ambush close,
T' expect th' arrival of his foes.
Few minutes he had lain perdue.
To guard his desp'rate avenue, 1120
Before he heard a dreadful shout.
As loud as putting to the rout,
With which impatiently alarm'd.
He fancy'd th' enemy had storm'd.
And after ent'ring, Sidrophel 1135
Was fall'n upon the guards pellmell ;
He therefore sent out all his senses
To bring him in intelligences,
* Two princes celebrated for their valor in our histories. Th«
former lived about the year 1016, the latter 1037.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 34fc
Which viilgars, out of ignorance,
Mistalio for falling in a trance ; 1138
But tliose that trade in geomancy,*
Affirm to be the strength of fancy ;
In which the Lapland magi deal,
And things incredible reveal.
Mean while the foe beat up his quarters, 1135
And storm'd the outworks of his fortress ;
And as another of the same
Degree and party, in arms and fame,
That in the same cause had engag'd.
And war with equal conduct wag'd, 1140
By vent'ring only but to thrust
His head a span beyond his post,
B' a gen'ral of the cavaliers
Was dragg'd thro' a window by the ears :t
So he was serv'd in his redoubt, 1143
And by the other end puU'd out.
Soon as they had him at their mercy,
They put him to the cudgel fiercely.
As if they scorn'd to trade and barter,t
By giving, or by taking quarter : 1150
They stoutly on his quarters laid,
Until his scouts came in t' his aid :§
For when a man is past his sense.
There's no way to reduce him thence.
But twinging him by th' ears or nose, 1155
Or laying on of heavy blows :
* A sort of divination by clefts or chinks in tlie ground. Poly-
dore Viruil de iiiventione reruni, supposes it to have been invent-
ed by the magi ot Persia.
t A right honorable gentleman of high character,* now living,
assured nie that this circumstance happened to one of his rela-
tions, Sir Richard (Dr. Grey calls him Sir Erasmus) Philips, of
Picton castle, in Pembrokeshire. The Cavaliers, commanded by
Colonel Egerton, attacked this place, and demanded a parley.
Sir Richard consented ; and being a little man, stepped upon a
bench, and showed himself at one of the windows. The Colonel,
who was high in stature, sat on horseback underneath ; and
pretending to be deaf, desired the other to come as near him as
he could. Sir Richard then leaned a good deal from the win-
dow ; when the Colonel seized him by the ears, and drew him
out. Soon after, the castle surrendered.
{ Pyrrhus says to the Romans, from Ennius, in Tally s OJB-
ces :
Nee mi auruni posco, nee mi pretium dederitis ;
Nee cauponantes helium, sed belligerantes,
Ferro, iion auro vitam cernamus utrique.
( L e. till his senses returned.
• EarlofOrfonJ
350 HIjDIBRAS. [Part III
And if that will not do the deed,
To burning with hot irons proceed.
No sooner was he come t' h'unself
But on his neck a sturdy elf 1160
Clapp'd in a trice his cloven hoof,
And thus attack'd him with reproof.
Mortal, thou art betray'd to us
B' our friend, thy evil genius.
Who for thy horrid perjuries, ^163
Thy breach of faith, and turning lies.
The brethren's privilege, against
The wicked, on themselves, the saints,
Has here thy wretched carcass sent.
For just revenge and punishment ; 1170
Which thou hast now no way to lessen.
But by an open, free confession :*
For if we catch thee failing once,
'Twill fall the heavier on thy bones.
What made thee venture to betray, 1175
And filch the lady's heart away.
To spirit her to matrimony ? —
That which contracts all matches, money.
It was th' enchantment of her riches.
That made m' apply t' your crony witches ;t 118U
That in return would pay th' expence.
The wear and tear of conscience,^
* This scene is imitated, bnt with much less wit and learn-
ing, in a poem called Dunstable Downs, falsely attributed to Mr
Samuel Butler. Pee the third volume of the Remains. In that
poem, whoever was the author, the allusion to the high coarl
of justice, and trial of Charles the First, is apposite. See Brad
shaw s speech to the king :
This court is independent on
All forms, and methods, but its own.
And will not be directed by
The persons they intend to tr^'.
And 1 must tell you, you're mistaken,
If you propose to save your bacon,
By pleading to your jurisdiction, ■
Which will addiit of no restriction.
Here's no appeal, nor no demurrer.
Nor after judgment writ of error.
If you persist to quirk or quibble,
And on your terms of law to nibble,
The court's deterniin'd to proceed,
Whether you do, or do not plead.
T Your old friends and companions
X The knight confesses that he would have sacrificed his con-
lelBnce to money. In reality, he had gotten rid of it long befoift
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 35J
Which I could have patch'd up, and turu'd,
For th' hundredth part of what I earn'd.
Didst thou not love her then? Speak true. 1185
No more, quoth he, than I love you. —
How would'st thou've us'd her, and her money ?
First tum'd her up to alimony,*
And laid her dowry out m law,
To null her jointure with a flaw, 1190
Which I beforehand had agreed
T' have put, on purpose, in the deed.
And bar her widow's-making-over
T' a friend in trust, or private lover.
What made thee pick and chuse her out 1195
T' employ their sorceries about ? —
That which makes gamesters play with those
Who have least wit, and most to lose.
But didst thou scourge thy vessel thus.
As thou hast damn'd thyself to us ? — 1200
I see you take me for an ass :
'Tis true, I thought the trick would pass,
Upon a woman, well enough.
As 't has been often found by proof.
Whose humours are not to be won 1205
But when they are impos'd upon ;
For love approves of all they do
That stand for candidates, and woo.
Why didst thou forge those sliameful lies
Of bears and witches in disguise ? — 1210
That is no more than authors give
The rabble credit to believe ;
A trick of following the leaders.
To entertain their gentle readers ;
And we have now no other way 1215
Of passing all we do or say ;
Which, when 'tis natural and true,
Will be believ'd b' a very few,
Beside the danger of offence.
The fatal enemy of sense. 1220
Why dost thou chuse that cursed sin.
Hypocrisy, to set up in ? —
Because it is the thriving'st calling,
The only saints' bell that rings all in ;t
• To provide for herself, as horses do when they are turned ta
grass. The poet might possibly design a jeu de mot. Mlimony
is a separate maintenance paid by the husband to the wife,
where she is not convicted of adultery.
t The small bell, which rings immediately before the ministef
352 HUDIBRAS. [Part ul
In which all churches are concern'd, 1225
And is the easiest to be learn'd :
For no degrees, unless th' employ it,
Can ever gain much, or enjoy it.
A gift that is not only able
To domineer among the rabble, 1230
But by the laws empower'd to rout,
And awe the greatest that stand out ;
Which few hold forth against, for fear
Their hands should slip, and come too near ;
For no sin else, among the saints, ' 235
Is taught so tenderly against.
What made thee break thy plighted vows ? —
That which makes others break a house.
And hang, and scorn ye all, before
Endure the plague of being poor* 1240
Quoth he, I see you have more tricks
Than all your doating politics.
That are grown old and out of fashion,
Compar'd with your new reformation; •
That we must corne to school to you, 1245
To learn your more refiu'd and new.
Quotii he, If you will give me leave
To tell you what I now perceive.
You'll find yourself an arrant chouse
If y' were but at a meeting-house. 1250
'Tis true, quoth he, we ne'er come there,
Because w' have let 'm out by th' year.t
Truly, quoth be, you can't imagine
What woud'rous things tiiey will engage in ;
That^as your fellow fiends in hell 1255
Were angels all before they fell.
So are you like to be agen,
Compar'd with th' angels of us men.t
begins the church service, is called the saints' bell ; and when
the clerk has rung this bell, he says, "he has rung all in."
* Scorn, that is, defy your law and punishment.
t The devils are here looked upon as landlords of the meeting
houses, since the tenants of Iheni were known to be so diabolical,
and to hold them b) no fjood title ; but as it was uncertain how
long these lawless times would last, the poet makes the devil
let them only by the year: now when any thing is actually let,
we landlords never come there, that is, have excluded ourselves
from all right to the premises.
t 1 remember an old attorney, who told me, a little before his
death, that he had been reckoned a very great rascal, and be-
lieved he was so, for he had done many roguish and infamous
things in his profession : " but," adds he, " by what I can observe
'of the rising generation, the time may come, and you may live
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 353
Quoth he, I am resolv'd to be
Thy scholar iii this mystery ; 126G
Aud therefore first desire to know
Some principles on which you go.
What makes a knave a child of God,*
And one of us?t — A livelihood.
What renders beating out of brains, 1265
And murder, godliness? — Great gains.
What's tender conscience ? — 'Tis a botch
That will not bear the gentlest touch ;
But, breaking out, dispatches more
Than th' epidemical'st plague-sore. t 1270
What makes y' encroach upon our trade,
And damn all others? — To be paid.
What's orthodox and true believing
Against a conscience ? — A good living.§
What makes rebelling against kings 1275
A good old cause? — Admiuist'rings.y
What makes all doctrines plain and clear? —
About two hundred pounds a year.
And that which was prov'd true before,
Prov'd false again? — Two hundred more. 1280
What makes the breaking of all oaths
A holy duty? — Food and clothes.
What laws and freedom, persecution? —
B'ing out of power, and contribution.
What makes a church a den of thieves? — 1285
"to see it, when I shall be accounted a very honest man, In
"comparison with those attorneys who are to succeed me."
* A banter on the pamplilets in those days, under the name
and form of catechisms: Heylin's Rebel's Catechism, Watson's
Cavalier Catechism, Ram's Soldier's Catechism, Parker's Political
Catechism, &c. &c.
t Both Presbyterians and Independents were fond of saying
one of us ; that is, one of the holy brethren, the elect number,
the godly party.
i Alluding to the plague, of which, in our author's time, viz.
in 1065, died G8,58G persons, within the bills of mortality.
5 A committee was appointed November 1], 1646, to inquire
into the value of all church livings, in order to plant an able
ministry, as was pretended ; but, in truth, to discover the best
and fattest benefices, that the champions for the cause might
choose for themselves. Whereof some had three or four apiece :
a lack being pretended of competent pastors. When a living
was S3iall, the church doors were shut up. Dugdale's Short
View. "I could name an assembly-man," says Sir William
Dugdale, '• who being told by an eminent person, that a certain
"church had no incumbent, inquired the value of it; and re-
"ceiving for answer that it was about £50 a year, he said, 'If 1
" ' be no better worth, no godly man will accept it.' "
U — Administerings. See P. iii. c. ii. v. 55.
354 HUDIBRAS. [Part ift
A dean and chapter, and white sleeves.*
And what would serve, if those were gone,
To make it orthodox ? — Our own.
What makes morality a crime,t
The most notorious of the time ; 1290
Morality, which both the saints
And wicked too cry out against ? —
'Cause grace and virtue are within
Prohibited degrees of kin ;
And therefore no true saint allows 1295
They shall be sufFer'd to espouse :
For saints can need no conscience.
That with morality dispense ;
As virtue's impious, when 'tis rooted
In nature only, and not imputed : 1300
But wliy the wicked should do so.
We neither know, nor care to do.t
What's liberty of conscience,
I' til' natural and genuine sense ? —
'Tis to restore, with more security, 1305
Rebellion to its ancient purity ;
And Christian liberty reduce
To th' elder practice of the Jews ;
For a large conscience is all one.
And signifies the same with none.§ 1310
It is enough, quoth he, for once.
And has repriev'd thy forfeit bones : '
Nick Machiavel had ne'er a trick,
The' he gave his name to our old Nick,|l
* That is, a bishop who wears lawn sleeves.
t Moral goodness was deemed a mean attainment, and much
beneath the character of saints, who held grace and inspiration
to be all meritorious, and virtue to have no merit; nay, some
even thousht virtue impious, when it is rooted only in nature,
and not imputed ; some of the modern sects are supposed to hold
tenets not very unlike to this.
t The author shows his abhorrence of vice, in whatever party
it was found, by satirizing the loose principles of the cavaliers.
5 It is reported of Judge Jefferys, that tal<ing a dislike to a
witness who had a long beard, he told him that, "if his con-
" science was as long as his beard, he had a swinging one :" to
which the countryman replied, " My lord, if you measure con-
" science by beards, you yourself have none at all."
II Machiavel was recorder of Florence in the 16th centurj', an
eminent historian, and consommate politician. In a note on the
Merry Wives of Windsor, !»nd in Dr. Grey's edition of Hudibras,
Mr Warburton has altered this passage. He reads the last line '■
Though he gave aim to our old Nick.
But as all the editions published by the author himself, or in the
mntbor's lifetime, have the word name, I am unwilling to change
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 355
But was below the least of these, 1315
That pass i' th' world, for holiness.
This said, the furies and the light
In th' instant vanish'd out of sight.
And left him in the dark alone,
With stinks of brimstone and his own. 1328
The queen of night, whose large command
Rules all the sea, and half the land,*
And over moist and crazy brains.
In higli spring-tides, at midnight reigus,t
Was now declining to the west, 1325
To go to bed and take her rest ;1
When Hudibras, whose stubborn blows
Deny'd his bones that soft repose, §
Lay still expecting worse and more,
Stretch'd out at length upon the floor ; ) <30
And tho' he shut his eyes as fast
As if he 'ad been to sleep his last.
Saw all the shapes that fear or wizards.
it. Mr. Butler, who seems well versed in the Saxon and north-
ern etymoldgies, could not be ignorant that the terms nicka,
nocca, nicken, and from thence the English, old nick, were used
to signify the devil, long before the lime of Machiavel. A ma-
lignant spirit is named old nicka, in Sir William Temple's Essay
on Poetry. [JVecken, daemon aquaticus. Dan. nicken, nocken.
Germ. n!c/irs. Vi.H. nocca. li\.nikur. Angl. Jij'c/r. Belg. TiecAcr.
Piitatur in fluviis et lacubus residere, et natantes per pedes ar-
replos ad se pertrahere. — Ihre Gloss. Suiogothicuni.] When
Machiavel is represented as such a proficient in wickedness,
that his name hath become no unworthy appellation for the
devil himself, we are not less entertained by the smartness of
the sentiment, than we should be if it were firmly supported
by the truth ol history. In the second canto, Empedocles is
said to have been acquainted with the writings of Alexander
Ross, who did not live till about 2000 years after him. A hu
morous kind of wit, in which the droll genius of Butler does not
scruple to indulge itself.
* The moon, which influences the tides and motions of the
sea, and half mankind, who are lunatic, more or less.
Nunc terram potius quam mare luna regit.
Owen. Epig. 90.
The poem had now occupied two days, and almost two nights
t Insane persons are supposed to be worst at the change and
full of the moon, when the tides are highest.
t He had before described the approach of day by the rising
of the sun: he now employs the setting of the moon for thai
purpose.
$ I.enibant curas, et corda oblita laborum.
At non infelix animi Phoenissa ; neque unquam
Solvitur in somnos, oculisve aut pectore noctem
Accipit: ingeminant curas iEneid. iv, 528
356 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
Do make the devil wear for vizards,*
And pricking up his ears, to hark 1335
If he could hear, too, in the dark,
Was first invaded with a groan.
And after, in a feeble tone,
These trembling words : Unhappy wretch,
What hast tliou gotten by this fetch, 1340
Or all thy tricks, in this new trade,
Thy holy brotherhood o' th' blade ?t
By sauntring still on some adventure,
And growing to thy horse a centaur?
To stuiFthy skin with swelling knobs 1345
Of cruel and hard-wooded drubs ?
For still thou'st had the worst on't yet,
As well in conquest as defeat :
Night is the sabbath of mankind.
To rest the body and the mind,1: 1350
Which now thou art deny'd to keep,
And cure thy labour'd corpse with sleep.
The Knight, who heard the words, explain'd
* It may be amusing to compare this burlesque with the seri-
ous sublime of Milton. Paradise Lost, ii. 6U5 :
all monstrous, all prodigious things,
Abominable, unutterable, and worse
Than fables yet have feign'd, or fear conceiv'd,
Gorgons and hydras, and chiinaeras dire.
t This religious knight-errantry : this search after trifling of-
fences, with intent to punish them as crying sins. Ralpho, who
now supposed himself alone, see Part iii. canto iii. v. 89, vents
his sorrows in this soliloquy, or expostulation, which is so art-
fully worded, as equally to suit his own case, and the knight's,
and to censure the conduct of both. Hence the latter applies
the whole as meant and directed to himself, and coiimienis upon
it accordingly to v. 1400, after which the squire improves on his
master's mistake, and counterfeits the ghost in earnest. Com-
pare Part iii. c. iii. v. 151-158. This seems to have been But-
ler's meaning, though not readily to be collected from his words:
his readers are left in the dark almost as much as his heroes.
Bishop Warburton supposes that the term lioly brutherhoud al-
ludes to the society instituted in Spain, called La Santa Iler-
mandad, employed in detecting and apprehending thieves and
robbers, and executing other parts of the police. See them fre-
quently mentioned in Don tiuixote, Gil Bias, &c.
% Plutarch thus addresses the superstitious person: "Heaven
"gave us sleep, as a relief and respite from our affliction. Why
■' will you convert this gift into a painful instrument of torture ;
"and a durable one too. since there is no other sleep for youi
••soul to flee to. Heraclitus says, that to men who are awake
" there is a common world ; but every one who sleeps is in a
"world of his own. Yet not even in sleep is the superstitious
"man released from his troubles: his reason indeed slumbers,
" but his fears are ever awake, and he can neither escape frotn
" Uiem nor dislodge them." De Superstitione
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 357
As meant to him this reprimand,
Because the character did hit 1355
Point-blank upon his case so fit ;
Believ'd it was some drolling spright
That staid upon the guard that night,
And one of those he 'ad seen, and felt
The drubs he had so freely dealt ; I36l
When, after a short pause and groan.
The doleful Spirit thus went on :
This 'tis t' engage with dogs and bears
Pellmell together by the ears,
And after painful bangs and knocks, 13C5
To lie in limbo in the stocks.
And from the pinnacle of glory
Fall headlong into purgatory ;
Thought he, this devil's full of malice,
That on my late disasters rallies, 1370
Condenin'd to whipping, but declin'd it,
By being more heroic-minded ;
And at a riding handled worse.
With treats more slovenly and coarse ;*
Engag'd with fiends in stubborn wars, 1375
And hot disputes with conjurers ;
And, when thou 'adst bravely won the day,
Wast fain to steal thyself away.
I see, thought he, this shameless elf
Would fain steal me too from myself, 1380
That impudently dares to own
What I have suffer'd for and done ;
And now, but vent'ring to betray.
Hast met with vengeance the same way.
Thought he, how does the devil know 1335
What 'twas that I design'd to do ?
His office of intelligence.
His oracles, are ceas'd long since ;
And he knows nothing of the saints.
But what some treach'rous spy acquaints. 1390
This is some pettifogging fiend,
Some under doorkeeper's friend's friend,
That undertakes to understand.
And juggles at the second-hand,
And now would pass for spirit Po,t 1395
* This shows the meaning of the riding dispensation, 1. 124.
t Po, or Bo, the son of Odin, was a fierce Gothic captain,
whose name was repeated by his soldiers to surprise or frighten
their enemies. See Sir William Temple's fourttx essay. [Mr.
Todd says, the northern Captain will suffer no great loss, if the
358 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
And all men's dark concerns foreknow.
I think I need not fear him for 't ;
These rallying devils do no hurt.
With that he rous'd his drooping heart,
And hastily cried out, What art ? — 1400
A wretch, quoth he, whom want of grace
Has brought to this unhappy place.
I do believe thee, quoth the Knight ;
Thus far I'm sure thou'rt in the right ;
And know what 'tis that troubles thee, 1405
Better than thou hast guess'd of me.
Thou art some paltry, blackguard spright,
Condemn'd to drudg'ry in the night ;
Thou hast no work to do in th' house.
Nor halfpenny to drop in shoes ;* 1410
Without the raising of which sum
■ You dare not be so troublesome
To pinch the slatterns black and blue,
For leaving you their work to do.
This is your bus'ness, good Pug-Robin, 1415
And your diversion dull dry bobbing,t
etymology be transferred from his redoubted name to the Dutch
bauw, a spectre ; but probably Minsheu gives the clue to this
most grave etymology when, after a bug-ge, a bugbear, he sajrs
Belgic, Bietebauw, Beetebauw, a bijten, i. mordere et bauw, i.
vox tictitia a sono quo solent infantes territare.]
* Servant-maids were told, if they left the house clean when
they went to bed, they would find money in their shoes ; if dirty,
they would be pinched in their sleep. Thus the old ballad of
Robin Goodfellow, who perhaps was the sprite meant by Pug
Robin :
When house or hearth doth sluttish lie,
I pinch the maids both black and blue:
And from the bed, the bedcloths I
Pull otf, and lay them nak'd to view.
Again, speaking of fairies :
Such sort of creatures as wonld bast ye
A kitchen wench for being nasty:
But if she neatly scour her pewter.
Give her the money that is due to her.
Every night before we goe,
We drop a tester in her shoe.
See also Parnell and Shakspeare, in many placess.
t Robin Goodfellow, in the creed of ancient superstition, was
a kind of merry sprite, whose character and achievements ar«
frefjuently recorded, particularly in the well-known lines of Mil
ton. In an ancient ballad, entitled Robin Goodfellow:
From hag bred Merlin's time have I
Thus nightly revell'd to and fro,
And for my pranks men call me by
The name of Robin Goodfellow;
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 350
T' entice fanatics in the dirt,
And wash 'em clean in ditches for't ;*
Of whicli conceit you are so proud,
At ev'ry jest you laugh aloud, 1420
As now you would have done by me,
But that I barr'd your raillery.
Sir, quoth the voice, ye 're no such sophyT
As you would have the world judge of ye.
If you design to weigh our talents 1425
I' th' standard of your own false balance.
Or think it possible to know
Us ghosts, as well as we do you.
We who have been the everlasting
Companions of your drubs and basting, 1430
And never left you in contest.
With male or female, man or beast,
But prov'd as true t' ye, and entire.
In all adventures, as your Squire.
Quoth he. That may be said as true 14^
By tb' idlest pug of all your crew ;
For none could have betray'd us worse ;
Than those allies of ours and yours.t
But I have sent him for a token
To your low-country Hogen-Mogen, 144C
To whose infernal shores I hope
He'll swing like skippers in a rope :
And if ye've been more just to me
As I am apt to thinks than he,
Fiends, ghosts, and sprightes.
Who haunt the nightes.
The hags and goblins do nie know.
And beldames old
My feates have told.
So vale, vale, ho, ho, ho.
[Puck, Pug-, Pouke; a fiend. Puke, Diabolus. Ihre Gloss.
Suiogothicum.]
Bobbing, that is, mocking, jesting with. Dry bobbing, a dry
jest, or bob: illusio, dicterium.
* See Hoffman's Lexicon, ill. 305. Sub voc. Neptunus (ex
Gervas. Tilleberiens.) dasmonis quoddam genus, Angli Portunos
nominant. Portunus nonunquani invisus equitanti se copulat, et
cum diutius comitatur, eundem tandem loris arreptis equum Ik
lutum ad manum ducit, in quo dum infi.iius volutatur, protinus
exiens cachinnum facit, et sic hujus modi ludibrio humanam
simplicitatem deridet
t You are no such wise person, or sophister, from the Greek
X Meaning the Independents, or Ralpho, whom he says he
had sent to the infernal Hogen Mogen, high and mighty, or the
devil, supposing he would be hung.
360 HUDIBRAS. [Part ui.
I am afraid it is as truo 1445
What til' ill-afFected say of you :
Ye 've 'spous'd the covenant and cause,
By holding up your cloven paws.*
Sir, quoth the Voice, 'tis true, I grant,+
We made, and took the covenant : 1450
But that no more concerns the cause.
Than other perj'ries do the laws,
Wliich, when they've prov'd in open court,
Wear wooden peccadillos for't :|
And that's the reason cov'nanters 1455
Hold up their hands, like rogues at bars.§
I see, quoth Hudibras, from whence
These scandals of the saints commence, 1|
That are but natural eiFects
Of Satan's malice, and his sects', 1460
Those spider-saints, that hang by threads
Spun out o' th' entrails of their heads.
Sir, quoth the Voice, that may as truell^
And properly be said of you,
Whose talents may compare with either,** 1465
Or both the other put together:
For all the independents do,
* When persons took the covenant, they attested their obliga-
tion to observe its principles by lilting up their hands to heaven :
the covenant here means the solemn league and covenant
framed by the Scots, and adopted by the English, ordered to be
read in all churches, and every person was bound to give his
consent, by holding up his hand at the reading of it. See Clar
endon's History. South, in his fifth volume of Sermons, p. 74
says : " Their very posture of taking the covenant was an omin
" ous mark of its intent, and their holding up their hands was a
" sign that they were ready to strike." See line 485 of this can-
to. The solemn league and covenant has by many been com
pared to the holy league entered into by a large parly in France,
in the reigns of Charles IX., Henry III., and Henry IV. Seo
this parallel carried on by Dugdale, in his State of the Troubles
in England, p. COO.
t Ralpho, the supposed sprite, allows that they, the devil and
the Independents, had engaged in the covenant; but he insists
that the violation of it was not at all prejudicial to the cause
they had undertaken, and for which it was framed.
+ A peccadillo was a stiff piece worn round the neck and
shoulders, to pin the rufl' or band to. Ludicrously it means the
pillory.
^ In some editions we read held up.
II The scandalous reflections on .he saints, such as your charg-
ing the covenant with perjury, and making the covenanter no
better than a rogue at the bar.
"f Hudibras having been hard upon Satan, and the Independ-
ents, the voice undertakes the defence of each, but first of the
.ndependents.
•* That is, either with the Independents or with the devil
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 301
Is only what you forc'd them to ;
Yon, who are not content alone
With tricks to put the devil down, 1470
But must have armies rais'd to back
The gospel-work you undertake ;
As if artillery and edge-tools,
Were tli' only engines to save souls :
While he, poor devil, has no pow'r* 1475
By force, to run down and devour ;
Has ne'er a elassis, cannot sentence
To stools, or poundage of repentance ;t
Is ty'd up only to design,
T' entice, and tempt, and undermine : 1480
In which j'ou all his arts outdo.
And prove yourselves his betters too.
Hence 'tis possessions do less evil
.Than mere temptations of the devil,t
Which, all the horrid'st actions done, 1485
Are charg'd in courts of law upon ;§
Because, unless they help the elf,||
He can do little of himself;
And, therefore, where he's best possest
Acts, most against his interest ; 1490
Surprises none but those who 've priests
To turn him out, and exorcists,
Supply'd with spiritual provision.
And magazines of ammunition ;
With crosses, relics, crucifixes, • 1495
Beads, pictures, rosaries, and pixes ;
The tools of working our salvation
By mere mechanic operation :
With holy water, like a sluice.
To overflow all avenues: 1500
But those who're utterly unarm'd,
* He, that is, the Independent, has no power, having no
elassis, or spiritual jurisdiction.
t The poor devil, says Ralpho, cannot thus distress us by
open and authorized vexations.
t He argues that men who are influenced by the devil, and
co-operate with him, commit greater wickedness than he is alile
t J perpetrate by his own agency. We seldom hear, therefore,
of his taking an entire possession. The persons who conipl.rui
most of his doing so, are those who are well furnished with the
means of exorcising and ejecting him, such as relics, crucifixes,
bead*, piriures, rosaries, &c.
^ Not having the fear of God before their eyes, but led by the
Instigation of the devil, is the form of indictment lor felony, mur-
der, or such atrocious crimes.
il la some editions we read you help.
16
362 HUDIBRAS [Part m,
T' oppose his entrance, if he storm'd,
Ho never offers to surprise,
Altho' his falsest enemies ;*
But is content to be their drudge, 1505
And on their errands glad to trudge :
For where are all your forfeitures
Intrusted in safe hands, but ours?
Who are but jailors of tlie holes
And dungeons where you clap up souls ;t 151
Like underkeepers, turn the keys,
T' your mittimus anathemas.
And never boggle to restore
The members you deliver o'er
Upon demand, with fairer justice, 1513
Than all your covenanting trustees ;t
Unless, to punish them the worse.
You put them in the secular powers,
And pass their souls, as some demise
The same estate in mortgage twice : 1520
When to a legal ultlegation
You turn your excommunication, §
And, for a groat unpaid that's due.
Distrain on soul and body too.||
Tliought he, 'tis no mean part of civil 1525
State-prudence to cajole the devil,
And not to handle him too rough.
When he has us in his cloven hoof.
'Tis true, qiioth he, that intercourse
Has pass'd between your friends and ours, 1530
That, as j'ou trust us, in our way.
To raise your members, and to lay,T
We send you others of our own,
* The enthusiasm of the Independents was somethlDg new in
its Icind, not much allied to superstition.
t Keep those in hell whom you are pleased to send thither by
excomnuinication, your mittimus, or anathema: as jailers and
turnkeys confine their prisoners.
t More honestly than the Presbyterians surrendered the es-
tates which they held in trust for one another; these trustees
were generally covenanters. See Part i. c. i. v. 76, and P. iii. c.
ii. V 55.
$ You call down the vengeance of the civil magistrate upon
them, and in this second instance pass over, that is, take no no-
tice of their souls: the ecclesiastic;il c«urts can excommunicate,
and then they apply to the civil court for an outlawry. Utlega-
tion, that is, outlawry.
II Seize the party by a writ de excommunicato capiendo.
IT Your friends and oitrs, that is, you devils and us fanatics:
that as you trast us in our way, to raise you devils when w«
want you, and to lay you again when we have done with yon.
Canto i ] HUDIBRAS. 363
Denounc'd to hang themselves or drown,*
Or, frighted with our oratory, 1535
To leap down headlong many a story ;
Have us'd all means to propagate
Your mighty interests of state,
Laid out our sp'ritual gifts to further
Your great designs of rage and murtner : 1540
For if the saints are nam'd from blcodt
We onl' have made that title good ;t
And, if it were but in our power,
We should not scruple to do more,
And not be half a soul behind 1545
Of all dissenters of mankind.
Right, quoth the Voice, and, as I scorn
To be ungrateful, in return
Of all those kind good offices,
I'll free you out of this distress, 1550
And set you down in safety, where
It is no time to tell you here.
The cock crows, and the morn draws on,
When 'tis decreed I must be gone ;
And if I leave you here till day, 1555
You'll find it hard to get away.
With that the Spirit grop'd about
To find th' enchanted hero out.
And try'd with haste to lift him up,
But found his forlorn hope, his crup,§ 1560
Unserviceable with kicks, and blows,
Receiv'd from harden'd-hearted foes.
He thought to drag him by the heels,
Like Gresham-carts, with legs for wheels ;||
But fear, that soonest cures those sores, • 1565
In danger of relapse to worse.
* It is probable that the Presbyterian doctrine of reprobation
had driven some persons to suicide. So did Alderman Hoyle, a
member of the house. See Birkenhead's Paul's Churchyard.
t Sanctus, from sanguis, blood.
t i. e. we fanatics of this island only have merited that title
by spilling much Hlood.
$ His back is called his forlorn hope, because th,1t was pen-
erally exposed to danger, to save the rest of his body: a reflec-
tion on his courage.
II Mr. Butler dues not forget the Royal Society. March 4, 1C62,
a scheme of a cart with legs that moved, instead of wheels, was
brought before the Royal Society, and referred to the considera-
tion of Mr. Hooke. The inventor was Mr. Potter. Mr. Hooke
was ordered to draw up a full description of this cart, which,
together with the animadversions upon it, was to be entered in
the books of the S*" -iety.
364 HUDIBRAS, IPart hi.
Came in t' assist him with its aid,
And up his sinking vessel weigh'd.
No sooner was he fit to trudge,
But both made ready to dislodge ; 1570
The Spirit hors'd him like a sack,
Upon the vehicle his back,
And bore him headlong into th' hall.
With some few rubs against the wall ;
Where, finding out the postern lock'd, 1575
And th' avenues so strongly block'd,
H' attack'd the window, storm'd the glass,
And in a moment gain'd the pass ;
Thro which he dragg'd the worsted soldier's
Four-quarters out by th' head and shoulders, 1580
And cautiously began to scout
To find their fellow-cattle out:
Nor was it half a minute's quest.
Ere he retriev'd the champion's beast,
Ty'd to a pale, instead of rack, 1585
But ne'er a saddle on his back,
Nor pistols at the saddle bow,
Convey'd away, the Lord knows how.
He thought it was no time to stay,
And let the night too steal away ; 1590
But in a trice, advanc'd the Knight
Upon the bare ridge, bolt upright,
And, groping out for Ralpho's jade.
He found the saddle too was stray'd,
And in the place a lump of soap, 1S9A
On which he speedily leap'd up :
And, turning to the gate the rein,
He kick'd and cudgell'd on amain ;
While Hudibras, with equal haste,
On both sides laid about as fast, 1600
And spurr'd as jockies use, to break,
Or padders to secure a neck :*
Where let us leave 'em for a time,
And to their churches turn our rhyme ;
To hold forth their declining state, lb04
Which now come near an even rate.t
* Juckies endanger their necks by spurring their horses, and
galloping very fast ; hut highwaymen, or padders, so called from
the Saxon paap, highway, endeavor to save their necks by the
same exertions.
t The time now approached when the Presbyterians and In-
dependents were to fall into equal disgrace, and resemble the
uoieful condition of the knight and squire.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 365
The two last conversations have much unfolded the views of
the confederate sects, and prepnre the way for the business of
the subsequent canto. Their differences will there be afiitated
by characters of higher consequence : and their mutual re-
proaches will again enable the poet to expose the knavery and
hypocrisy of each. This was the principal intent of the work.
The fable was considered by him only as the vehicle of his sa
tire. And perhaps when he published the First Part, he had no
more determined what was to follow in the second, than Tristam
Shandy had on a like occasion. The fable itself, the bare out-
lines of which I conceive to be borrowed, mutatis mutandis,
from Cervantes, seems here to be brought to a period. The next
canto has the form of an episode. The last Consists chiefly of
two dialogues and two letters. Neither knight nor sqoire hav«
any further adventures.
PART III, CANTO H.
THE ARGUMENT.
The Saints engage in fierce contest*
About their carnal interests,
To share their sacrilegious preys
According to their rates of grace :
Their various frenzies to reform,
When Cromwell left them in a storm j
Till, in th' effige of Rumps, the rabble
Burn all their grandees of the cabal.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO II.*
The learned write, an insect breese
Is but a mongrel prince of bees,t
That falls before a storm on cows,
Aud stings the founders of his house ;
* The different complexion of this canto from the others, and
its unconnected state, may be accounted for by supposing it
written on the spur of the occasion, and with a politic view to
recommend the author to his friends at court, by a new and
fierce attack on the opposite faction, at a time when the real or
pretended patriots were daily gaining ground, and the secret
views of Charles II. wei-e more and more suspected and dread-
ed. A short time before the third part of this poem was pub-
lished, Shaftesbury had ceased to be a minister, and became a
furious demagogue. But the canto describes the spirit of parties
not long before the Restoration. One object of satire here is to
refute and ridicule the plea of the Presbyterians after the Ref-
ormation, of having been the principal instruments in bringing
back the king. Of this they made a great merit in the reign of
Charles II., and therefore Butler examines it v. 782, et seq. — v.
1023, et seq.— V. 1185-1189, et. seq.
The discourses and disputations in this, and the following
canto, are long, and fatigue the attention of many readers. If it
had not been taking too great a liberty with an author who pub-
lished his own works, I should certainly have placed this canto
last, as it is totally unconnected with the story of the poem, and
relates to a long time after the actions of the other cantos.
t What tlie learned, namely, Varro, Virgil, &c., write concern-
ing bees being produced from the putrid bodies of cattle, is here
applied by our author to the breese, or gad-bee, which is said
by the learned Pliny, in his Natural History, xi. 16, to be apis
grandior quae ca!teras fugat : hence it may fairly be styled a
prince of bees, yet, but a mongrel prince, because not strictly and
properly a bee. Varro in Gesner's edition de Re Rustica, iii. 16,
says, primum apes nascunturpartim ex apibus, partim ex bubulo
corpore putrefacto. Itaque Archelaus in Epigrammate, ait, eas
esse fiobi (pQinivrj; -KtvoTfjutva riKva. Idem 'Ltt-kijiv /jiiv a(prjKei
yivca, [i6ax<^v if fieXKraat. The last line, with some variation,
is in the Theriaca of Nicander. Columella ix. 14, says, the no-
tion of generating bees from a heifer is as old as Democritus, and
continued by Mago. Both Philetas and Callimachus called bees
Bovycveis. See He.sych. Virgil, in his fourth Georgic, I. 281,
«ays:
368 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
From whose corrupted flesh that breed *
Of vermin did at first proceed.*
So, ere the storm of war broke out,
Religion spawn'd a various routt
Of petulant capricious sects,
Tlie maggots of corrupted texts,t 10
That first run all religion down,
And after ev'ry swarm its own :
For as the Persian Magi once
Upon their mothers got their sons,
Sed si quern proles subito defecerit omnis.
Nee, genus unde novce stirpis revocetur, habcbit;
Teinpus et Arcadii inenxiranda invent^ inagistri
Pandere, quoque iiiiido cssis jam siepe juvencis
Insincerus apes tulerit cruur.
For the effect the Oestron has on cattle, see Virg. Georg. iii
146, et seq. "On the backs of cows," says Mr. Derhaiis, "in the
"sUMinier months, there are inaKgots generated, which in Essex
" we call weovils; which are first only small knots in the skin,
"and, I suppose, no other than eggs laid there by some insect.
"By degrees these knots grow bigger, and contain in them a
"maggot, which iriay be squeezed out at a hole they have al-
" ways open." Mr. Derham could never discover what animal
they turn to. I doubt not but it is to this gad-fly or breese ;
and that their stinging the cows is not only to suck their blond,
but to perforate the skin for the sake of laying their, eggs with-
in it.
* They may proceed from the flesh of cows in the manner
above mentioned, that is, as from the place in which they are
bred, but not from the matter out of which they are generated.
The note on this passage, in the old edition, together with many
others, convince me that the annotations on the third part of
Hudiliras could not be written by Butler.
t No less than 18U errors and heresies were propagated in the
city of London, as Mr. Case told the parliament in his thatiks-
giving sermon for the taking of Chester.
X 'i'he Independents were charged with altering a te.xt of
Scripture, (Arts vi. 3,) in order to authorize them to appoint
their own ministers. "Therefore, brethren, look ye out among
"you seven men of honest repmrt, full of the Holy Ghost and
" wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business." Mr. Field
is said to have printed ?/e instead of we in several editions, and
particularly in his beautiful folio edition of lti59, and the octavo
of lOGl. Dr. Grey says, he had heard that the first printer of
this forgery received Jei500 for it This mistake the Doctor was
l?d into by Dr. VV'otton, but he very handsomely corrects it in
his Supplement. The erratum of the press, for such it seems to
have been, being a mistake only of a single letter, was observed
first In that printed at Cambridge by Buck and Daniel. 1638, folio,
so that it is falsely said by several writers, that this forgery crept
into the text in the time of the usurpation, and during the reign
of Independency. See Lewis's History of the English Transla-
tions of the Bible, p. 340, and .T. Berriman's Critical Dissertation
on 1 Tim. iii. 16. p. 52. But corrupted -exts .illude rather to falsa
Interpretations than to false readinf
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 369
That were incapable t' enjoy 15
That empire any other way ;*
So presbyter begot the othert
Upon the good old cause, his mother
Tliat bore them hke the devil's dam,}
Whose son and husband are the same ; SO
And yet no nat'ral tie of blood.
Nor int'rest for the common good.
Could, when their profits interfer'd,
Get quarter for each other's beard :§
For when they thriv'd they never fadg'd,|| 25
* " It was from this time, viz. about 521 years before Christ,
" that they first had the name of Magians, which signifying the
" crop-eared, it was then given unto iheni by way of nickname
" and contempt, because of the impostor (Smerdis) who was then
"cropped : for Mige-Gush signified, In the language of the country
" then in use. one that had his ears cropped." Prideanx' Con
nection. From hence, perhaps, might come the proverb, " Who
" made you a conjurer and did not crop your ears." Catullus
says :
Nam magus ex matre et gnato gignatur oportet.
Si vera est Persarum irapia relligio. Ixxxvii. 3.
Ovid says :
Gentes esse feruntur
In quibus et nato genitrix. et nata parent!
Jungitur, et pietas geminato crescit aniore.
Met. X. 332.
nipeai S(, Kai iid\i^a aiiTCiv ol ao(piav aaKtlv doKovvrti oi
udyoi, yoftoCfft ras firiTipai.
Sext. Emp. Pirrhon. Hypotypos. lib. iii. c. 34.
The poet cannot mean the Persian empire, which was only in
the hands of the Magi for a few months ; but he must intend the
office of Archimagus, or the presidency of the Magi, which he
was best entitled to who was in this manner begotten. Zoroas-
ter, the first institutor of the sect, allowed of incesinnns mar-
riages: he maintained the doctrine of a good and bad principle;
the former was worshipped under the emblem of fire, which
they kept constantly burning.
t The Presbyterians first broke down the pale of order and dis-
cipline, and so made way for the Ludependenls and every other
»ect
t This is not the first time we have heard of the devil's mo-"
ther. In Wolfii Memorabilia, is a quotation from Erasmus.
" Si tu es diabolus, ego sum mater illius." And in the Agamem-
non of .^Ischylus, Cassandra, after loading Clyten)nesira with
every opprobrious name she can think of, calls her qSov liTtripa,
The translator of Hudibras into French, remarks in a. note, that
this passage alludes to some lines in the second book of Milton's
Paradise Lost, in the description of Sin and Death.
^ When the Presbyterians prevailed, Calamy, being asked
what he would do with the Anabaptists, Antinomiuns, and
others, replied, that he would not meddle with their consciences,
but only with their bodies and estates.
11 That is, never agreed ; from the Teutonic, fugen. Se«
Skinner. The same word is used v. 256.
16»
570 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
But only by tlie ears engag'd ;
Like dogs that snarl about a bone,
And play together when they've nono ;
As by their truest characters,
Their constant actions, plainly appears. 30
Rebellion now began, for lack
Of zeal and plunder, to grow slack ;
The cause and covenant to lessen,
And providence to b' out of season :
For now there Vv'as no more to purchase 35
O th' king's revenue, and the churches.
But all divided, shar'd, and gone.
That us'd to urge the brethren on ;
Which forc'd the stubborn'st for the cause
To cross the cudgels to the laws,* 40
That what by breaking them they'ad gain'd
By their support might be mamtain'd ;
Like thieves, that in a hemp-plot lie,
Secur'd against the hue-and-cry.t
For presbyter and independent 45
Were now turn'd plaintiff and defendant,
Laid out their apostolic functions
On carnal orders and injunctions ;
And all their precious gifts and graces
On outlawries and scire facias ; 50
At Michael's term had many a trial,
Worse than the dragon and St. Michael,
Where thousands fell, in shape of fees,
Into the bottomless abyss.
For when, like brethren, and like friends, 55
They came to share their dividends,^
And ev'ry partner to possess
His church and state joint-purchases,
In which the ablest saint, and best.
* Cudgels across one another denote a challenge : to cross tha
indgels to the laws, is to offer to fight in defence of them.
t It may mean a plat of growing hemp, which being a thick
cover, a rogue may lie concealed therein, secure from all dis-
covery of hue-and-cry : "Thus,"s:iys Butler in his Remains,
vol. ii. p. 384, " he shelters himself under the cover of the law,
" like a thief In a hemp-plat, and makes that secure him which
" was intended for his destruction."
J About the year 1649, when the estates of the Kins and
Church were sold, great arrears were due to the army: for the
discharge of which some of the lands were allotted, and whole
regiments joined together In the manner of a corporation. The
distribution afterwards was productive of many lawsuits, the
person whose name was put in trust often claiining the whole^
or a larger share than he was entitled to.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 371
Was nam'd in trust by all the rest eo
To pay their money, and instead
Of ev'ry brother, pass the deed ;
He strait converted all his gifts
To pious frauds and holy shifts,
And settled all the other shares* 65
Upon his outward man and 's heirs ;
Held all they claim'd as forfeit lands
Deliver'd up into his hands,
And pass'd upon his conscience
By pre-entail of Providence ; 70
Impeach'd the rest for reprobates.
That had no titles to estates,
But by their spiritual attaints
Degraded from the riglit of saints
This b'ing reveal'd, they now begun 7S
With law and conscience to fall on,
And laid about as hot and brain-sick
As th' utter barrister of Swanswick :t
Engag'd with money bags, as bold
As men with sand-bags did of old,} 80
* Perhaps a better reading would be, as in some editions,
others' shares.
t William Prynne, before mentioned, born at Swanswick, in
Somersetshire, and barrister of Lincoln's Inn. The poet calls
him hot and brainsicls, because he was a restless and turbulent
man. Whitelock calls him the busy Mr. Prynne, which title
he gives him on occasion of liis joining witli one Walker in
prosecuting Colonel Fiennes for the surrender of Bristol. Walk-
er had been present at the siege, and had lost a good fortune
by the surrender: but Prynne (he tells us) was no otherwise
concerned than out of the pragmatical ness of his temper.
There was an especial reason for his being called the utter bar-
rister, for when he was censured by the court of Star-chamber,
he was ordered (besides other punishments) to be discarded;
and afterwards he was voted again by tlie house of commons to
be restored to his place, and practice as an utter barrislet ; a
term which signifies a pleader within the bar, but who is not
king's counsel jr sergeant.
t Bishop Warburton says : " When the combat was demand-
" ed in a legal way by knights and gentlemen, it was fought
" with swore* and lance : and when by yeomen, with sand-bags
"fastened to the end of a truncheon:" see Shakspeare, the
second part of Henry the VI. "Pugiles sacculis non veritate
" pugilantes," made a part of the procession, when Gallienus
celebrated the decennaliaof his accession to the empire. (Treb.
Pollio in Gallien. p. 178, ed. Paris, 1620.) Casaubon's note is,
"Qui incruento pugilatu volebant dimicare, saccis non coestibus
" manus muniebant. Aiunt autem hi sacci vel tomento facti,
''vel alia re pleni, quiB gravem ictum non redderent: puta,
ficoriim granis, vel farina, vel furfuribus: interdum et arena
" saccules implebant." Chrysostomus homilia 20 in Epistol. ad
Ilebricos, oi/c bp$s roij dQX^ra; TriSf SuXaKouf afiiiov irX^vavres
372 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
That brought the lawyers .n more fees
Than all uiisanctify'd trustees ;*
Till he who had no more to s'low
I' th' case, received the overthrow ;
Or, both sides having had the worst, iS3
They parted as they met at first.
Poor presbyter was now reduc'd.
Secluded, and cashier'd, and chous'd !t
Turn'd out, and excommunicate
From all affairs of church and state, 90
Reform'd t' a reformado saint,t
And glad to turn itinerant,
To stroll and teach from town to town,
And those he had taught up, teach dov/n,^
And make those uses serve agen|| 05
Against the new-cnlighten'd men,^
As fit as when at fiist they were
Reveal'd against the cavalier ;
Damn anabaptist and fanatic.
As pat as popish and prelatic ;; 100
And with as little variation,
To serve for any sect i' th' nation,
The good old cause, which some believe
ouro) yviivd^ovTai. See the same tho\iglit repe.ited in Butler's
Genuine Keiimins, vol. i. pp. 83 and 379, and vol. ii. 316. Sand-
bH^s in niMre ninilern history were really ilangernus weapons;
they became instruments of the e.xecniioner. Cast une inven-
tion des Italiens pour tuer un homnie sans repandre de sang, de
le frapper ruilenienl sur le dos avec des sachets reiiiplis de
sable. Les meurtrissiires en sont incurables: la gangrene s'y
met; et la mort acheve le meiirire. The Spaniards are said to
have employed this mode of revenge to destroy Boccalini.
(Melances par Vigneul Marville, vol. i. p. 11.)
* The lawyers got more fees from the Presbyterians, or
saints, who in general were trustees for the sequestered lands,
than from all other trustees, who were unsauctified. See v.
59. 60.
t When Oliver Cromwell, with the army and the Indepen-
dents, had gotten the upper hand, they deprived the Presby-
terians of all power and authority; and before the king was
brought to his trial, the Presbyierian members were e.vcluded
from the house.
I That is, to a volunteer without office, pay. or commission.
§ Poor presbyter, or the Presbyterians were glad to teach
down the Independents, whom as brethren and friends (v. .5.5)
they had indiscriminately taught up; the unhinging doctrines
of the Presbyterians having, in the long-run, hoisted up the In-
dependents in direct opposition to themselves.
II The sermons of those times were divided into doctrine and
use : and in the margin of them is often printed use the first, u<«
tlie second, &c.
V That is, against the Independents.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 373
To be the dev'l that tempted Eve
"With knowledge, and does still invite 105
The vt'orld to mischief with new hght,
Had store of money in her purse,
When he took iier for better or worse,
But now was grown deform'd and poor,
And fit to be turn'd out of door. 110
The independents, whose first station
Was in the rear of reformation,
A mongrel kind of church-dragoons,*
That serv'd for horse and foot at once,
And in the saddle of one steed 113
The Saracen and Christian rid ;t
Were free of ev'ry spiritual order.
To preach, and fight, and pray, and murder,t
No sooner got the start, to lurch, §
Both discipUnes of war and church, 120
And providence enough to run
The cliief commanders of them down,
But carry'd on the war against
The common enemy o' th' saints.
And in a while prevail'd so far, 135
To win of them the game of war,
And be atHiberty once more
T' attack themselves as they'ad before.
• Many of ihe Independent officers, such as Cromwell, Ireton,
Harrison, &c., used to pray and preach publicly, and many
hours together. The sermon printed under the name of Oliver
Cromwell is well known to be a forgery. See Granger, Art.
Oliver Cromwell.
t Mr. Walker, in his History of Independency, says, "The
Independents were a composition of Jew, Christian, and Turk.''
i To preach,, has a reference to the Dominicans ; to jt^ht,
to tie knights of Malta ; to pray, to the fathers of the Ora-
tory; to murther, to the Jesuits: of the latter, Oldham, Sat. i.,
speaks as
In each profounder art of killing hred:
and in Sat. iii., •
Slight of murder of the subtlest shape.
But the Independents assumed to themselves the privilege of
every order: they preached, they fought, they prayed, they
muidered. Sir Roger L' Estrange says, in the reflection on one
of his fables, thai the Independents did not take one step in the
whole track of their iniquity, without seeking the J^ord first,
and gfiing up to inquire of the Lord first, according to the cant
of those days. For further account of the Independents, sea
Walker's History: the first part of which was published 1648,
the second in 1649, and the third written in the Tower, where
he was sent by Cromwell for writing it, 1651.
$ That is, to swallow up, to obtain fraudulently See Skinnef
«nd Junius.
374 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
For now there was no foe in arms
T' unite their factions with alarms, 130
But all reduc'd and overcome,
Except their worst, themselves at home,
Who'ad compass'd all th' pray'd, and swore
And fought, and preach'd, and plunder'd for,
Subdu'd the nation, church, and state, 133
And all things but their laws and hate ;*
But when they came to treat and transact,
And share the spoil of all they'ad ransackt.
To botch up what they'ad torn and rent.
Religion and the government, lid
They meet no sooner, but prepar'd.
To pull down all the war had spar'd ;
Agreed in nothing, but t' abolish,
Subvert, extirpate, and demolish :
For knaves and fools b'ing near of kin, 145
As Dutch boors are t' a sooterkin,t
Both parties join'd to do their best
To damn flie public interest.
And herded only in consults,!
To put by one another's bolts ; 150
T' outcant the Babylonian labourers, ^
At all their dialects of jabberers,
And tug at both ends of the saw.
To tear down government and law.
For as two cheats, that play one game, 155
Are both defeated of their aim ;§
So those who play a game of state, ||
And only cavil in debate,
Altho' there's nothing lost nor won.
The public bus'ness is undone, 16C
• That is, the laws of the land, and hatred of the people.
t A reflection upon the Dutch women, for their use of hand-
stoves, which they frequently put under their petticoats, and
from whence they are said to produce sooterkins with their chil-
dren. Mr. James Howcl, in his letters, calls it a Zucchie, and
says, " it is likest a bat of any creature." But Cleveland, p. 103,
says, " not unlike to a rat."
i That is, both parties were intimately united together.
§ For as when two cheats, equally masters of the very same
tricks, are both by that circumstance defeated of their aim. name-
ly, to impose upon each other, so those well-matched tricksters,
who play with state affiiirs, and by only cavilling at one another's
schemes, are ever counteracting each other.
II This and the five following lines are truly descriptive of
modern politicians, who use many words and little matter ; whose
excellence is rated by the number of hours they continue speak
Ing, and cavilling in debate.
CUmto II.] HUDIBRAS. 375
Which still the longer 'tis in doing,
Becomes the surer way to ruin.
This when the royalists perceiv'd,*
Who to their faith as firmly cleav'd,
A.nd own'd the riglit they had paid down 1C3
So dearly for, the church and crown,
Th' united constanter, and sided
The more, the more their foes divided
For tho' outnumber'd, overthrown,
And by the fate of war run down, 170
Their duty never was defeated.
Nor from their oaths and faith retreated ;
For loyalty is still the same,
Whether it win or lose the game ;
True as the dial to the sun, 175
Altho' it be not shin'd upon.t
But when these bretheren in evi\,t
Their adversaries, and the devil.
Began once more to shew them play,
And hopes, at least, to have a day, 180
They ral'y'd in parade of woods.
And unfrequented solitudes ;
Conven'd at midnight in outhouses,
T' appoint new-rising rendezvouses,
And, with a pertiuacy unmatch'd, 185
For new recruits of danger watch'd.§
No sooner was one blow diverted,
But up another party started.
And as if Nature too, in haste.
To furnish our supplies as fast, 190
Before her time had turn'd destruction,
T' a new and numerous production ;||
No sooner those were overcome,
But up rose others in their room,
* A fine encomium on the royalists, their prudence, and suf-
fering fidelity.
t As the dial is invariable, and always open to the sun when-
ever its rays can show the time of day, though the weather is
often cloudy, and obscures its lustre : so true loyalty is always
ready to serve its king and country, though it often suffers great
afflictions and distresses.
t The poet, to serve his metre, lengthens words as well as
contracts them; thus lightening, oppugne, sarcasmous, affaires,
bungleing, sprinkleing, benigne.
J Recruits, that is, returns.
Tlie succession of loyalists was so quick, that they seemed to
be perishing, and others supplying their places, before the periods
Qsual in nature ; all which is expressed with an allusion to
ui vocal generation.
376 HUDIBRAS. [Vart w.
That, like the christian faith, increas'd, 193
The more, the more they were suppress'd •
Whom neither chains, nor transportation,
Proscription, sale or confiscation.
Nor all the desperate events
Of former try'd experiments, 200
Nor wounds, could terrify, nor mangling.
To leave off loyalty and dangling.
Nor death, with all his bones, affright
From veut'ring to maintain the right,
From staking life and fortune down SOS
'Gainst all together, for the crown :*
But kept the title of their cause
From forfeiture, like claims in laws ;
And prov'd no prosp'rous usurpation '
Can ever settle on the nation ; 810
Until, in spite of force and treason.
They put their loy'lty in possession ;
And, by their constancy and faith,
Destroy'd the mighty men of Gath.
Toss'd in a furious hurricane, 215 ~
Did Oliver give up his reign,t
And was believ'd, as well by saints
As moral men and miscreauts,t
* That is, all of them together, namely, the several factions,
their adversaries, and the devil. See v. 178.
t The Monday before the death of Oliver, August 30th, 16.58,
was the most windy day that had happened for twenty years;
Dennis Bond, a member of the long parliament, and one of the
king's judges, died on this day ; wherefore, when Oliver likewise
went away in a storm the Friday following, it was said the
devil came in the first wind to fetch him, but finding him not
quite ready, he took Bond for his appearance. Dr. Morton, in
his book of Fevers, says, that Oliver died of an ague, or inter-
mittent fever; and intimates that his life might have been
saved, had the virtues of the bark been sufficiently known ; the
distemper was then uncomnii^nly epidemical and fatal : Morion's
father died of it. As there was also a high wind the day Oliver
died, both the poets and Lord Clarendon may be right; though
the note on A. Wood's Life insinuates, that ihe noble historian
mistook the date of the wind. Wood's Life, p. 115. Waller
says :
In storms as loud as his immortal fame ;
and Godolphin:
In storms as loud as was his crying sin.
t Some editions read mortal, but not with so much sense or
wit. The Independents called themselves the saints ; the cava-
liers, and the church of England, they distinguished into two
sorts; the inmior;4 and wicked, they called miscreants; those
that were of sober and of good conversation, they called moral
^.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 377
To founder in the Stygian ferry,
Until he was retriev'd by Sterry,* 220
Who, in a false erroneous dreain,t
men ; yet, because these last did not maintain the doctrine of
absolute predestination and justification liy faith only, but insist-
ed tipon the necessity of good works, they accounted them no
belter than moral heathens. By this opposition in the terms be-
twixt moral men and saints, the poet seems to insinuate, that
the pretended saints were men of no morals.
* It was thought by the king's party, that Oliver Cromwell
was gone to the devil; but Sterry, one of Oliver's chaplains,
assured the world of his assumption into heaven. Sterry preach-
ed the sermon at Oliver's funeral, and comforted the audience
with the following information. "As sure as this is the Bible
" (which he held up in his hand) the blessed spirit of Oliver
'' Cromwell is with Christ, at the right hand of the Father, and
" if he be there, what may not his family expect from him 1 For
"if he were so useful and helpful, and so mnch good influenced
"from him to them when he was in a mortal state, how much
"more influence will they have from him now in heaven: the
"Father, Son, and Spirit, through him, bestowed gifts and graces
" upon them." Bishop Burnet hath recorded more rant of this
high-flown blasphemer, as i find him called by A. Wood, viz. —
that praying for Richard Cromwell, he said, "Make him the
" brightness of his father's glory, and the e.xpress image of his
" person." Archliishop Tillotson heard him. The following ex-
tract is from the register of Caversham, in Berkshire, communi-
cated to me by the very ingenious and learned Dr. Loveday, of
that place, to whom I rejoice to acknowledge my obligations for
his assistance in the course of this work. " Vaniah Vaux, the
"daughter of Captain George and Elizabeth Vaux, was born upon
" a Monday morning, between seven and eight o'clock, at Caus-
"ham Lodge, being the 19th of May, 1650, and christened by Mr.
" Peter Sterry, minister and chaplain to the Highness the Lord
" Protector."
t Peter Sterry dreamed that Oliver was to be placed in
heaven, which he foolishly imagined to be the true and real
heaven aliove ; but it happened to be the false carnal heaven at
the end of Westminster-Hall, where his head was fixed after the
Restoration. There were, at that time, two victualling-houses
at the end of Westminster-hall, under the Exchequer, the one
called Heaven, and the other Hell:* near to the former Oliver's
head was fixed, January 30, 1660. Cromvi'ell, Ireton, and Brad-
shaw, were drawn to Tyburn on three several sledges, and. be-
ing taken from their coffins, hanged at tlie several angles ; after-
wards their heads were cut off, and set on Westminster-Hall.
The following is a transcript from a MS. diary of Mr.. Edward
Sainthill, a Spanish merchant of those times, and preserved by
his descendants. "The 30th of .January, being that day twelve
"years from the death of the king, the'odious carcasses of Oliver
"Cromwell, Mnjor-general Ireton, and Bradshaw, were drawn in
sledges to Tyburn, where they were hanged by the neck, from
■'morning till four in the afternoon. Cromwell in a green seare-
•' cloth, very fresh, embalmed; Ireton having been buried long.
• Those sreiiilemcn who had been restrained in the court of wards, were led
through Westminster-Hall, by a stioii» guard, to that place under the Ex-
chequer, commonly called Heil, where they might eat ana drink, at their ow»
costs, what they pleased.
378 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
Mistook the New Jerusalem,
Profanely for th' apocryphal
False heav'ii at the end o' th' hall ;
Whither, it was decreed by fate, 325
His precious reliques to translate.
So Romulus was seen before
"hung like a dried rat, yet corrupted about the fundament.
' Bradshaw, in his winding-sheet, the fingers of his right hand
"and his nose perished, having wet the sheet through ; the rest
" very perfect, insoniuch that I knew his face, when the hang-
"man, after cutting his head off, held it up : of his toes, I had
" five or six in my hand, which the prentices had cut off. Their
" bodies were tlirown into a hole under the gallows, in their
" seare-cloth and sheet. Cromwell had eight cuts, Ireton four,
" being seare cloths, and their heads were set up on the south-
" end of Westminster-Hall." In a marginal note is a drawing
of Tyburn (by the same hand) with the bodies hanging, and the
grave underneath. Cromwell is represented like a nmmmy
swathed up, with no visible legs or feet. To this memorandum
is added :
" Ireton, died the 26th of November, 1651.
"Cromwell, the 3d of September, 1658.
" Bradshaw, the 31st of October, 1659."
In the same diary are the following articles: — "January 8th,
" 1661, Sir A. Haslerigg, that cholerick rebel, died in the Tower.
"The 17th, Venner and his accomplice hanged — he and another
"in Coleman street; the other IT in other places of the city.
"Sept. 3d, 1662, Cromwell's glorious, and yet fatal day, died that
"long speaker of the long parliament, VViliiani Lenthall, very
" penitently." Yet, according to other accounts, the body of
Oliver has been ditferently disposed of. Some say that it was
sunk in the Thames; others, that it was buried in JVaseby-field.
But the most romantic story of all is, that his corpse was private-
ly taken to Windsor, and put in king Charles's coffin ; while the
body of the king was buried in state for Oliver's, and, consequent-
ly, afterwards hanged at Tyburn, and the head exposed at West-
minster-Hall. These idle reports might arise from the necessity
there was of interring the Protector's body before the funeral
rites were performed : for it appears to have been deposited in
Westminster-Abbey, in the place now occupied by the tomb of
the duke of Buckingham. The engraved plate on his coffin i?
still in being. Sir John Prestwick, in his Reonblica, tells us
" that Cromwell's remains were privately interred in a small
" paddock, near Holborn, on the spot where the obelisk in Red-
" lion-square lately stood." The account of Oliver's sickness
and death in Biog. Brit. ed. 2, vol. iv. p. 108, may be depended
upon, being taken from Baleai' Elenchus Motuum, who attended
as his physician at the time." Dr. Morton says, anno 1658, Febris
haec, tam spuria quam simplex, pr;eserlim mensibus autumnali-
bus ubique per totam Angliam grassabatur, quod etiam Wlllisius
in puretologia sua testatus est. Olivarius Cromwellus, qui turn
temporis rerum Brittannicarum potitus est, et pater mens reve-
rendus, idemquemedicus exercitatissimus, illo ipso anno, iueunte
Septembri, cum hjec constitutio ad aKjxriv pervenisset, hac febre
correpti, fatis cedebant. Hoc tempore fere tota hac insula noso-
(omii public! speciem prce se ferebat, et in nonnullis locis s;ini
*ii Bupererant, qui ad ministrandum valetudinariis sufiicerent.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 379
B' as orthodox a senator,*
From whose divine illumination
He stole the pagan revelation. 230
Next him his son, and heir apparent
Succeeded, tho' a lame vicegerent,t
Who first laid by the parliament ;
The only crutch on which he leant.
And then sunk underneath the state, 235
That rode him above horseman's weights
And now the saints began their reign,
For which they 'ad yearn'd so long in vain,§
And felt such bowel-hankerings.
To see an empire, all of kings, || 240
Deliver'd from tli' Egyptian awe
Of justice, government, and law, If
And free t' erect what spiritual cantons
Should be reveal'd, or gospel Hans-Towns.**i
To edify upon the ruins 245
* Livy says, " Romulus, the first Roman king, being suddenly
" missed, and the people in trouble lor the loss of him, Julius
' Proculus made a speech, wherein he told them that he saw
Romulus that morning come down from heaven ; that he gave
" him certain things in charge to tell them, and that lie saw him
"mount up to heaven again." Proculus might have been as-
creditable and orthodox as Peter Sterry, though not one of the
assembly of divines. But Dion. Halicarnas. a better antiquary,
anil more impartial than Livy, relates, xi. 56, that Romulus was
murdered by his own discontented subjects. What the annota-
tor to the third part has concerning Uuirinus, he might have
taken from Dionysius, but neither this author nor Livy say a word
about making oath. Dionysius names the witness Julius, and
says he was a country farmer: though our poet has exalted him
to the rank of a senator. In succeeding times, when it became
fashionable to deify the emperors and their wives, some one was
actually bribed to swear, previously to the ceremony, that he
had seen the departed person ascending into heaven. Hence,
on the consecration coins, we find a person mounted on an eagle,
or peacock, or drawn upwards in a chariot.
t Richard Cromwell, the eldest son of Oliver, succeeded him
in the protectorship; but had neither capacity nor courage sulB-
cient for the situation.
t See Part i. canto i. 1. 925, where he rides the state ; but here
the state rides him.
§ Meaning the committee of safety. See Lord Clarendon, vol.
iii. b. xvi. ]). 544, and Baxter's Life. p. 74.
11 They founded their hopes on Revelation i. 6, and v. 10.
IT Some sectaries thought, that all law proceedings should bo
abolished, all law-hooks burnt, and that the law of the Lord
Jesus should be received alone.
** At liberty to erect free states and communities, like the can-
tons of Switzerland, or the Hans-towns of Germany ; or, in
ihort, to establish any polity which their holy zeal might find
jgreeable.
380 HUUIBRAS, [Part m.
Of John of Leyden's old oiit-gouigs,*
Who for a weather-cock hung up
Upon their mother-church's top,
Was made a type by Providence,
Of all their revelations since, S5>
And now fulfill'd by his successors,
Who equally mistook their measures ;
For when they came to shape the model,
Not one could fit another's noddle ;
But found their !i|,'. t and gifts more wide 253
From fadging, than th' uusauctify'd,
While ev'ry individual brother
Strove hand to fist against another,
And still the maddest, and most crackt,
Were found the busiest to transact ;t 260
For tho' most hands dispatch apace,
And made light work, the proverb says,
Yet many ditF'rent intellects
Are found t' have contrary effects ;
And many heads t' obstruct intrigues, 265
As slowest insects have most legs.
Some were for setting up a king,
But all the rest for no such thing.
Unless king Jesus :t others tamper'd
For Fleetwood, Desborough, and Lambert ;§ 270
Some for the rump, and some more crafty,
For agitators, and tho safety ;il
* John BuckhoTd, or Bokelson, a tailor of Leyden, was ring-
leader of a furious tribe of Anabaptists, who made themselves
masters of the city of Munster, where they proclaimed a com-
munity both of goods and women- This new Jerusalem, as they
had named it, was retaken, after a long siege, by its bishop and
sovereign count VValdeck ; and John, with two of his associ-
ates, was suspended in an iron cage on the highest tower of the
city. This happened about the year 1536.
t A very sensible observation, which has Leen justified too
frequently in other instances.
t "The fifth monarchy men," as Bishop Burnet says, "seem-
ed daily to expect the appearance of Christ."' Mr. Carew, one
of Ihe king's judges, would not plead to his indictment when
brought to trial, till he had entered a salvo for the jurisdiction of
Jesus Christ: " saving to our Lord Jesus Christ his right to the
" government of these kingdoms."
$ Fleetwood was son-in-law to Cromwell, having married
Ireton's widow. He was made lord-deputy of Ireland, and lieu-
tenant-general of the arnjy. Desborough married one of (,'rom-
well's sisters, and became a colonel, and general at sea. Lam-
bert was the person who, as Ludlow tells us, was always kept
)n expectation by Cromwell of succeeding him, and was indeed
be best qualified for it.
(I Some were for restoring the remnant of the IcJng parliament
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 381
Some for the gospel, and massacree
Of spiritual affidavit-makers,*
That swore to any human regence 271
Oaths of suprem'cy and allegiance ;
Yea, tho' the ablest swearing saint,
That vouch'd the bulls o' th' covenant:
Others for pulhng down th' high places
Of synods and provincial classes,t 280
That us'd to make such hostile inroads
Upon the saints, like bloody Nimrods ;
Some for fulfilling prophecies, t
And th' extirpation of th' excise ;
And some against th' Egyptian bondage 285
Of holidays, and paying poundage :§
Some for the cutting down of groves, ||
which, by deaths, exclusions, and expulsions, was reduced to a
small number, perhaps forty or til'ty. and therefore called the
rump. After the king's party was subdued, and the parliament
began to talk of disbanding the army, or sending it into Ire-
land, a military council was set up, consisting of the chief offi-
cers, like the lords, and a number of deputies from the inferior
officers and conmion soldiers, like the commons, who were to
meet and consult on the interests of the army. These were
called agitators, and the chief management of afiiilrs seemed to
be for some time in their hands. When Lambert had broken
the rump parliament in 1659, the officers of the army, joined by
some of the members, agreed to form a committee of safety, as
they called it, consisting of between twenty and thirty persons,
who were to assume the government, and provide for the safety
of the kingdom.
* Some were for abolishing all laws but what were expressed
in the words of the gospel : for destroying all magistracy and
government, and for extirpating those who should endeavor to
uphold if, and of those VV^hitelock alleges, that he acted as a
member of the committee of safety, because so many were for
abolishing all order, that the nation was like to run into the ut-
most confusion. The agitators wished to destroy all records,
and the courts of justice.
t They wished to see an end of the Presbyterian hierarchy.
t That i>, perhaps, for taking arms against the pope.
5 On the 8th of June, 1647, an ordinance vt as published through
out England and Wales to abolish festivals, and allow the sec
end Tuesday in every month to scholars, apprentices, and ser
vants, for tiieir recreation. The taxes imposed by the parlia
mentwere numerous and heavy: a pound rate was levied on all
personal property. For poundarre. see Clarendon, vol. i. fol. 20(5.
II That is, for destroying the ornaments of churches, which
they supposed to be marks of idolatry .and superstition. Mr. Gos-
ling, in his Walk about Canterbury, p. 193, tells a story of one
Richard Culmer, a minister of God's word, and M. A., who de-
JBolished a rich window of painted glass, and published an ac
count of his exploit ; yet without noticing the following occur-
rence : "While he was laying about him with great zeal and ar-
* dour, a townsman looking on, asked him what he was doiog 1
382 HUDIBRAS. [Part ra
And rectifying bakers' loaves ;
And some for finding out expedients
Against the slav'ry of obedience : 390
Some were for gospel-ministers,
And some for red-coat seculars,*
As men most fit t' hold forth the word,
And wield the one and th' other sword :t
;Some were for carrying on the work 203
Against the pope, and some the Turk :
Some for engaging to suppress
The camisado of surplices, t
That gifts and dispensations hinder'd.
And turn'd to th' outward man the inward ;§ 303
More proper for the cloudy night
Of popery than gospel-light :
Olhers were for abolishing
Tliat tool of matrimony, a ring,|l
With which th' unsanctify'd bridegroom 305
Is marry'd only to a thumb, t'
" ' I am doinjr the work of Ihe Lord,' said he. ' Then,' replied
" the other, ' if it please the Lord I will help yon ;' and threw a
" stone with so good a will, that if the saint had not ducked, he
" might have laid his own bones among the rubbish he was ma-
" king. N. B. He was then mounted on a ladder sixty feet high."
It is well known that groves were anciently made use of as pla-
ces of worship. The rows of clustered pillars in our gothic ca-
thedrals, branching out and meeting at top in long drawn arches,
are supposed to have been suggested by the venerable groves of
our ancestors.
* Some petitioned for the continuance and maintenance of a
gospel ministry. Some thought that laymen, and even soldiers,
might pleach the word, as some of theui did, particularly Crom-
well ami Ireton.
fThe sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. Ephe-
sians vi. 17.
i Some sectaries had a violent aversion to the surplice, which
they called a rag of popery. Camisado or camisade, is an expe-
dition by night, in which the soldiers sometimes wear their shirts
over the rest of their clothes, that they may be distinguished by
their comrades.
§ Transferred the purity which should remain in the heart, to
the vestment on the back.
II Persons contracting matrimony were to publish their inten-
tions in the next town, on three market days, and afterwards the
contract was to be certified by a justice of the peace : no ring
was used.
ir The word thumh is used for the sake of rhyme, the ring
being put by the bridegroom upon the fourth finger of Ihe wo-
man's left hand. This is a very ancient custom, and not un-
known to the Greeks and Romans. Many whimsical reasons
are given for it. We are told by Aiilus Gellius, Noct. Attic, lib.
f. ch. 30, that from this finger there goes a most delicate nerve
to the heart : but our ancestors were very fond of wearing
Canto n.i HUDIBRaS. 383
As wise as ringing of a pig,
That us'd to break up ground, and dig ;
The bride to nothing but her " will,"*
That nulls the after-marriage still : 310
Some were for tli' utter extirpatif .i
Of linsey-woolsey in the nation ;t
And some against all idolizing
The cross in shop-books, or baptizing :\
Others to make all things recant 'J15
thumb-rings : abbots were generally buried with them, in token
of iheir connection, or marriage, with the religious house over
which tliey presided, fin early times the thumb was used as a
seal, (see Du Cange,) as it is to this day in attestations ; from
thence the seal ring was worn upon the thumb, which affords
perhaps the best reason for abbots being buried with them. But
in the text it woubl seem that something more is meant than
meets the ear; for Butler with his lacilityof versification would
never have given such a rhyme for the rhyme's sake merely.
The following extract from No. 614 of the Spectator seems to
throw a glimmer on the passage : " Before I speak of widows, I
" cannot but observe one thing, which I do not know how to ac-
" count for; a widow is always more sought after than an old
" maid of the same age. It is common enough among ordinary
" people for a stale virgin to set up a shop in a place where she
" is not known ; where the larffe thumb ring, supposed to be giv-
" en her by her husband, quickly recommends her to some
" wealthy neighbor, who takes a liking to the jolly widow, that
" would have overlooked the venerable spinster." Falstaff says :
["I could have crept into any alderman's tkumh-ring."]
* Mr. Warburton thinks this an equivoque, alluding to the
response which the bride makes in the marriage ceremony — " I
will." Mr. Butler in his Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 246, says :
The souls of women are so small,
That some believe th' have none at all ;
Or, if they have, like cripples, still,
Th' ave but one faculty, the will,
t Were for judaizing. The Jewish law forbids the use of a
garment made of linen and woollen. Lev. six. 19.
t The Presbyterians thought it superstitious and popish to use
the sign of the cross in baptism ; or, even for tradesmen to make
a cross in their books, as a sign of payment. Wr. Warburton
thinks the lines may refer to a proposal which was made by
some, for spungir.g all public debts ; and perhaps, it is a sneer
upon the Anabaptists, who called themselves liberi homines, anj
pretended they were made free by Christ, from payment of all
trtxes and debts ; and some Presbyterians made this a pretence
A)r not paying their private debts, lest they should give occasion
to the making of crosses, and so be promoters of idolatry. Butler
unites the most trivial with the most important objects of re-
formation proposed by the fanatic republicans of that time, and
means, that as the original nonconformists objected to the sign
of the cross in baptism, so now their successors carried their
aversion to that once venerated form to such an extreme as to
call it idolatrous, when only used to cross out paltry debts in a
tradesman's ledger-hook.
S84 HUDIBRAS. [Part id
The christian or sirname of saint,*
And force ail churches, streets, and towns,
The holy title to renounce ;
Some 'gainst a tliird estate of souls,
And bringing down the price of coals ;+ 320
Some for abolishing black-pudding,
And eating nothing with the blood in ;t
To abrogate them roots and !: ranches, §
While others were for eating haunches
Of warriors, and now and then, 325
The flesh of kings and mighty men ;||
And some for breaking of their bones
With rods of iron, IT by secret ones ;**
For thrashing mountains, and with spells
For hallowing carriers' packs and bells ;tt 330
Things that the legend never heard of,
But made the wicked sore afraid of.tt
* Streets, parishes, churches, and even the apostles them
selves, were unsainted tor eight or ten years preceding the res
loration. See the Spectator, No. 125.
t The first line may allude to the intermediate or middle
state, in which some supposed the soul to continue from the
time of its leaving the body to the resurrection ; or else it may
allude to the popish doctrine of purgatory. The former suliject
was warmly discussed about tliis time. The e.xorbitant price of
coals was then loudly complained of. Sir Arthur Hazlerigg laid
a tax of four shillings a chaldron upon Newcastle coals, when
he was governor there. Many petitions were presented against
the tax ; and various schemes proposed for reducing the price
of them. Shakspeare says :
A pair of tribunes that have sack'd fair Rome
To make coals cheap. Coriolanus, Act v. sc. 1.
t The judaizing sect.
^ This line seems unconnected with the preceding, and I am
inclined to think it misplaced. Clarendon mentions a set of
men, who were called root and branch men, in opposition to others
who were of more moderate principles. To abrogate, that is,
that they might utterly abrogate or renounce every thing that
had blood, while others were for eating haunches, alluding to
Kevelation xix. 18. " That ye might eat the flesh of kings,
"and the flesh of captains, and the fiesh of mighty men, and the
"flesh of horses, and of them that sit on them, and the flesh of
"all men, both free and bond, both small and great."
II Expecting, perhaps, the completion of the text. Rev. xix. 18.
11 Ridiculing the practice, so common in those days, of ex-
pressing every sentiment in terms of Scripture. He alludes
perhaps to I'salin ii. 9; Isaiah xli. 1.5, and Revelation xix. 1.5.
** Thus in the 83d Psalm and 3d verse, " And taken counsel
"against thy secret ones:" it is thus translated in their favorite
copy of Geneva. See this expression used v. 681, 697, and 706
of this canto.
ft See Zechariah xiv. 20.
U Things which the Scriptures never intended, but which
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 385
The quacks of government,* who sate
At th' unregarded helm of state,
And understood this wild confusion 335
Of fatal madness and delusion,
Must, sooner than a prodigy,
Portend destruction to be nigh,
Consider'd timely how t' withdraw,
And save their wind-pipes from the law ; 340
For one rencounter at the bar
Was worse than all they 'ad 'scap'd in war:
And therefore met in consultation
To cant and quack upon the nation ;
Not for the sickly patient's sake, 345
Nor what to give, but what to take ;
To feel the pulses of their fees,
More wise than fumbling arteries ;
Prolong the snufF of life in pain,
And from the grave recover — gain. 350
'Mong these there was a politician,
With more heads than a beast in vision,!
And more intrigues in every one
Than all the whores of Babylon ;
So politic, as if one eye 355
Upon the other were a spy,t
That to trepan the one to think
the wicked, that is the warriors, kings, and niiphty men, were
afraid of, lest they should break their bones and eat their flesh.
* These were Mr. Hollis. Sir Anthony Ashley Cooper, Grim-
stone, Annesley, Manchester, Roberts, and others; who per-
ceiving that Richard Cromwell was unable to conduct the
government, jnd that the various schemers who daily started
up would divide the party, and facilitate the restoration of the
roy;il family, thought it prudent to take care of themselves, and
secure their own interests with as much haste as possible.
t Sir Anthony Ashley Cooper, afterwards earl of Shaftesbury.
See Bishop Burnet's character of him in the history of his own
times. In 1660, Ashley Cooper was named one of the twelve
members of the house of conmions to carry their invitation to
the king ; and it was in performing this service that he was over-
urned on the road, and received a dangerous wound between
the ribs, which ulcerated many years after, and was opened when
he was lord-chancellor; hence, and from an absurd defamation
that he had the vanity to expect to be chosen king of Poland, he
was called Tapsky ; others, from his general conduct, nicknamed
him Shiltesbury.
With more heads than a beast in vision. Than the beast with
seven heads and ten horns, in the Revelation.
t Lord Shaftesbury had weak eyes, and squinted. He had
other disorders, which are mentioned in the Musa; Anglicanse,
and in Butler's Remains, v<, 1. ii. p. 369. " He is intimate with no
" man, but his pimp and li is surgeon." Character of aa Qnd^
serving favorite.
17
386 HUDIBRAS. [Partih
The 6t]ier blind, both strove to blink ;
And in his dark pragmatic way,
As busy as a cliild at play. 360
He 'ad seen three governments run down,
And had a hand in ev'ry one ;
Was for 'em, and against 'em all.
But barb'rous when they came to fall :
For by trepanning th' old to ruin, 36S
He made his int'rest with the new one ;
Play'd true and faithful, tho' against
His conscience, and was still advanc'd :
For by the witchcraft of rebellion
Transform'd t' a feeble state-camelion,t 370
By giving aim from side to side,
He never fail'd to save his tide.
But got the start of ev'ry state.
And at a change, ne'er came too late ;
Could turn his word, and oath, and faith, 375
As many ways as in a lath ;
By turning, wriggle, like a screw,
Int' highest trust and out for new •
For when he 'ad happily incurr'd,
Instead of hemp, to be preferr'd, 380
And pass'd upon a government,!
He play'd his trick, and out he went ;
But being out, and out of hopes
* Those of the king, the parliament, and the protector. First
he was high sherifl' of Dorsetshire, governor of Weymouth, and
raised some forces for the king's service. Next he joined the
parliament, took the covenant, and was made colonel of a regi-
ment of horse. Afterwards he was a very husy person in set-
ting up Cromwell to be lord protector ; and then again was quite
as active in deposing Richard, and restoring the rump. Bishop
Burnet says of him, that he was not ashamed to reclion up the
many turns he had made, and valued himself upon effecting
them at the properest season, and in the best manner :
For close designs and crooked counsels fit.
Sagacious, bold, and turbiilent of wit;
Restless, unfix'd in principles and l)lace.
In power unpleas'd, impatient of disgrace ;
In friendship false, implacable in hate,
Resolv'd to ruin, or to rule the state.
Absalom and Achithophel.
t The camelion is said to assume the color of the nearest oil
ject. See a treatise with this title among the works of Bu
chanan, at the end of the first volume, printed in 1723, writtei.
to traduce Secretary Maitland, alias Lethington, a politician U
similar talents.
} That is, passed himself upon the sfp^erninent.
Caoto n.] HUDIBRAS. 387
To mount his ladder, more, of ropes,*
Would strive to raise himself upon 385
The public ruin, and his own ;
So little did he understand
The desp'rate feats he took in hand,
For when he'ad got himself a name
For frauds and tricks he spoil'd his game ; 39)
Had forc'd his neck into a noose, t
To shew his play at fast and loose ;
And, when he clianc'd t' escape, mistook,
For art and subtlety, his luck.
So right his judgment was cut fit, 395
And made a tally to his wit,
And both together most profound
At deeds of darkness under ground ;
As th' earth is easiest undermin'd.
By vermin impotent and blind.t 400
By all these arts, and many more,
He 'ad practis'd long and much before,
Our state-artificer foresaw
Which way the world began to draw :
For as old sinners have all points 405
O' th' compass in their bones and joints,
Can by their pangs and aches find
All turns and changes of tiie wind,
And better than by Napier's boneSj§
Feel in their own the age of moons ; 410
So guilty sinners, in a state.
Can by their crimes prognosticate,
And in their consciences feel pain
Some days before a show'r of rain
He therefore wisely cast about 415
All ways he could t' ensure his throat.
And hither came, t' observe and smoke
What courses other riskers took.
* It was in clandestine designs, stich as house-breaking and
llie V\ke, that rope ladders were chiefly used in our poet's time.
t Perhaps it would be belter if for liad. we read aiid, or he.
t The poet probably means eartliworms, which are still more
impotent and blind tlian niol^s.
^ Lord Napier was one of the first establishers of the Royal
Society, a very considerable mathematician, inventor of log-
arithms, and of certain pieces of wood or ivory with numbers on
them, with which he performed arithmetical and geometrical
calculations, and these were called Napier's bones. See Lilly's
History of his own Life and Times, p. 105, where he is called
Lord Marchiston.
388 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
And to the utmost do his best
To save himself, aiid hang the rest. 42ft
To match this saint there was another,
As busy and perverse a brother,*
An haberdasher of small wrarest
In politics and state affairs ;
More Jew than rabbi Achithophel,} 425
And better gifted to rebel ;
For when h' had taught his tribe t' spouse
The cause, aloft upon one house,
He scorn'd to set his own in order,
But try'd another, and went further ; 430
So suddenly addicted still
To 's only principle, his will.
That whatsoe'er it chanc'd to prove,
No force of argument could move.
* T'he old annotator applies this character to the famous John
liilliourn ; and inde?d it resembles him in many respects. But
ihe time of the action in this canto immediately precedes the
Restoration, 16G0, and Lilbourn died August 28, 1G57. The ap-
parent anadironism may show that Butler did not desire to be
understood of Lilhourn or Shaftesbury, exclusively of others;
though doubtless the character of those two men furnished him
with the principal traits in the two pictures. In his Remains,
vol. ii. p. 272, are two speeches pretended to have been made in
the rump parliament, 1()59, one of them by a Presbyterian, the
other by an Independent. They maintain the same sentiments
with the following debate, but have no personal allusions to
maric the particular characters of the two speakers. " The
"reader," says Mr. Thye, "who has curiosity enough to com-
" pare, will tind a great similarity of argument in the two pcr-
"formances; and that the grave, distinct reasoning in the serious
" invective, serves very happily to illustrate the arch and satiri-
"cal drollery of the poetical banter." Colonel John Lilbourn
had been severely censured in the star-chamber, for dispersing
seditious pamphlets; and on the same account was afterwards
rewarded by the parliament, and preferred by Cromwell. But
when Cromwell had usurped the sovereign power, Lilbourn for-
sook him, and writing and speaking vehemently he was arraigned
of treason. He was a grand leveller, and strong opponent of all
that was uppermost ; a man of such an inveterate spirit of con-
tradiction that it was commonly said of him, if the world were
emptied of all but himself, John would be against Lilbourn, and
Lilbourn agr.inst John. Though John was dead, his brother
Robert was living, and figured conspicuously. But perhaps the
poet might here mean some one more considerable than Lil-
bourn to oppose to Ashley Cooper.
t A smatterer in politics. Lilbourn had been bred a trades-
man : Lord Clarendon says a bookbinder ; Antliony Wood
makes him a ])acker.
i Achithophel was one of David's counsellors. He joined the
rebellious Absalom, and assisted him with very artful advice;
but hanged himself when it was not implicitly followed. 2 Sam-
uel, xvil. 2,3.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 389
Nor law, nor cavalcade of Ho'born,* 435
Could render half a grain less stubborn ;
For he at any time would hang,
For th' opportunity t' harangue ;
And rather on a gibbet dangle.
Than miss his dear delight, to wrangle ; 440
In which his parts were so accomplish'd.
That, right or wrong, he ne'er was non-plust :
But still his tongue ran on, the less
Of weight it bore, with greater ease ; "
And, with its everlasting clack, 445
Set all men's ears upon the rack :
No sooner could a hint appear,
But*up he started to picqueer,t
And made the stoutest yield to mercy,
When he engag'd in controversy ; 450
Not by the force of cai-nal reason,
But indefatigable teazing.
With vollies of eternal babble.
And clamour, more unanswerable:
For tho' his topics, frail and weak, 455
Cou'd ne'er amount above a freak,
He still maintaiu'd 'em, like his faults.
Against the desp'ratest assaults ;
And back'd their feeble want of sense,
With greater heat aud confidence :t 460
As bones of Hectors, when they differ,
The more they 're cudgell'd, grow the stiffer.§
Yet when this profit moderated, 1|
The fury of his heat abated ;
For nothing but his interest 465
Could lay his devil of contest :
It was his choice, or chance, or curse,
* When criminals were executed at Tyburn, tliey were gener-
ally conveyed in carts, by the sheriff and his attendants on horse-
back, from Newgate, along Snow-hill, Holborn-hill, Holhorn,
High Holborn, Broad St. Giles's, Oxl'urd-street, and Tyburn-
road.
T In a conference with James II., held with Burnet on the sub-
ject of religion, James said " He had piqueered with Sheldon
"and Morley, and found them nearer to popery than the young
"divines;" it is a military term, and signifies to skirmish.
t When Lilbourn was arraigned for treason against Cromwell,
he pleaded at his trial, that no treason could be committed
against such a government, and what he had done was in de-
fence of the liberties of his country.
§ A pun upon the word stiffer.
jl When his interest swayed and governed him. Moderatti
is a verb active.
390 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
T' espouse the cause for better or worse,
And with hLs worldly goods and wit,
And soul and body worshipp'd it :* 470
But when he found the sullen trapes
Possess'd with th' devil, worms, and claps:
The Trojan mare, in foal with Greeks,
Not half so full of jadish tricks,
Tho' squeamish in her outward woman, 475
As loose and rampant as Doll Common ;t
He still Tesolv'd to mend the matter,
T' adhere and cleave the obstinater ;
And still the skittisher and looser
Her freaks appeared, to sit the closer: 480
For fools are stubborn in their way, **
As coins are liarden'd by th' allay :
And obstinacy's ne'er so stiff.
As when 'tis in a wrong belief.t
These two, with others, being met,^ 485
And close in consultation sot,
After a discontented pause.
And not without sufficient cause,
The orator we mention'd late,
Less troubled witii the pangs of state, 490
Than with his own impatience.
To give himself first audience.
After he had awhile look'd wise.
At last broke silence, and the ice.
Quoth he. There's nothing makes me doubt 495
Our last outgoings brought about.
More than to see the characters
Of real jealousies and fears
Not feign'd, as once, but sadly horrid, U
* Alluding to the words in the office of matrimony : "With
" my body J thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee
" endow."
t A prostitute in Ben Jonson's play called The Alchymist.
i The same sentiment is ditierently expressed in the Remains
vol. i. p. 181 :
For as implicit faith is far more stiff.
Than that which understands its own belief;
So those that think, and do but tllinlj, they know
Are far more obstinate than those that do:
And more averse, than if they 'd ne'er been tatight
A wrong way, to a right one to be brought.
^ A cabal met at Whitehall, at the same time that General
Monk dined with the city of London.
II Not feigned and pretended as formerly, in the beginning of
the parliament, when they stirred up the people against the
Canto II.] HUDIBRAS. 391
Soor'd upon ev'ry member's forehead ; 500
Who, 'cause the clouds are drawn together,
And threaten sudden change of weather,
Feel pangs and aches of state-turns.
And revolutions in their corns ;
And, since our workings-out are crost,* 505
Throw up the cause before 'tis lost.
Was it to run away we meant.
Who, taking of the covenant.
The lamest cripples of the brothers
Took oaths to run before all others,! 510
But in their own sense, only swore,
To strive to run away before.
And now would prove, that words and oath
Engage us to renounce them both ?
'Tis true the cause is in the lurch, 515
Between a right and mongrel-church ;
The presbyter and independent.
That stickle which shall make an end on't
As 'twas made out to us the last
Expedient, — I mean Marg'ret's fast ;t 520
When Providence had been suborn'd.
What answer was to be return'd :§
king by forging letters, suborning witnesses, and making an out-
cry of strange plots being carried on, and horrible dangers being
at hand. For instance, the people were incensed, as if the
papists were about to tire their houses, and cut their throats
while they were at church ; as if troops of soldiers were kept
under ground to do execution upon them ; and sometimes as if
the Thames were intended to be blown up with gunpowder, to
drown or choke them. Bates's Elench. Motuum.
* Out-goings, and workings-out, were cant terms in frequent
use with the sectaries, signifying perhaps their endeavors, and
their works.
t These were the words used in the solemn league and
covenant, "Our true and unfeigned purpose is, each one to go
" before another in the example of a real reformation."
+ The lectures and exercises delivered on days of public de-
votion, were called expedients. Besides twenty-flve days of
solemn fasting and humiliation on extraordinary occasions, there
was a fast kept every month for about eight years together.
The commons attended divine service in St. Margaret's church,
Westminster. The reader will observe, that the orator does
not say Saint Margaret's, but MargareVs fast. Some of the
sectaries, instead of Saint Peter or Saint Paul, would in derision
say. Sir Peter and Sir Paul. The parliament petitioned the
king for fasts while he had power, and afterwards the appoint-
ing them themselves was an expedient they made use of to
alarm and deceive the people, who, upon such an occasion,
could not but conclude there was some more than ordinary im-
pending danger, or some important business carrying on.
"o These sectaries pretended a great familiarity with heaven ;
and when any villany was to Se transacted, they would seem in
393 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
Else why should tumults fright us iiov/,
We have so many times gone thro',
And understand as well to tame 525
As when they serve our turns, t' inflame ;
Have prov'd how inconsiderable
Are all engagements of the rabble,
Whose frenzies must be reconcil'd
With drums, and rattles, like a child, 530
But never provd so prosperous,
As when they were led on by us ;
For all our scouring of religion
Began with tumults and sedition ;
When hurricanes of fierce commotion 535
Became strong motives to devotion ;
As carnal seamen, in a storm.
Turn pious converts, and reform,
When rusty weapons, with chalk'd edges,
Maintain'd our feeble privileges, 5*0
And brown-bills levy'd in the city,*
their prayers to propose their doubts and scruples to God Al-
mighty, ami after having debated the matter some time with
him, they would turn their discourse, and bring forth an
answer suitable to their designs, which the people were to
look upon as suggested from heaven. Bates's Elench. Mo
tuum. It was an observation in that time, that the first publish-
ing of extraordinary news was from the pulpit; and from the
I)reacher's text and discourse the hearers might judge, and com-
monly foresaw what was liliely to be done next in the parlia
meat or council of state. Lord Clarendon.
* Apprentices armed with occasional weapons. Ainsvvnrth,
in his Dictionary, translates sparum, a brown bill. Bishop
Warburton says, to fight with rusty or poisoned weapons, (see
Shakspeare's Hamlet,) was against the law of arms. So when
the citizens used the former, they chalked the edges. Samuel
Johnson, in the octavo edition of his Dictionary, says, " Brown-
"biiiwds the ancient weapon of the English foot," so called,
perhaps, because sanguined to prevent the rust : tlius sjiortsmen
often serve their fowling-pieces to prevent too much glitter, as
well as the rust. Bbick-bill seems to be the opposite term to
brown-bill. See Sir T. Warton's life of Sir T. Pope, p. 3.)6,
note. 'J'he common epithet for a sword, or offensive weapon iti
the old metrical romances, is brown : as brown brand, or brown
iword, brown bill, &c., and sometimes even bright brown
sword. Chaucer applies the word rustie-in the same sense : he
thus describes the reve, " And by his side he bare a rnstie blade."
\nd again, even thus the god Mars, "And in his hand he
'had a rusty sword." Spenser has sometimes used the same
epithet. See Warton's Observations, vol. ii. p. 02. Perhaps
our ancestors deemed it honorable to carry their weapons
stained with the blood of their enemies. In the ballad of
Robin Hood, and Guy of Gisborne, 1. 148, "with blades both
brown and bright." Percy's Reliques, p. 88. See verse 151)8 of
this canto :
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 393
Made bills to pass the grand committee :
When zeal, with aged chibs and gleaves,*
Gave chase to rochets, and white sleeves,t
And made the church, and state, and laws, 545
Submit t' old iron, and the cause
And as we thriv'd by tumults then.
So might we better now agen,
If we know how, as then we did,
To use them rightly in our need : 550
Tumults, by which the mutinous
Betray themselves instead of us ;
The hollow-hearted, disaffected,
And close malignant are detected ;
Who lay their lives and fortunes down, W5
For pledges to secure our own ;
And freely sacrifice their eai-s
T' appease our jealousies and fears :
And yet, for all these providences,
W are ofFer'd, if we have our senses, 560
We idly sit, like stupid blockheads,
Our hands committed to our pockets,
And nothing but our tongues at large,
To get the wretches a discharge :
Like men condemn'd to thunder-bolts, 5G3
Who, ere the blow, become mere dolts ;t
Or fools besotted with their crimes,
That know not how to shift betimes.
And neither have the hearts to stay.
With new-chalk'd bills, and rusty arms.
Butler, in his MS. Commnn-place book, says, " The confident
"man's wit is like a watchman's bill with a chalked edge, that
" pretends to sharpness, only to conceal its dull bluntness from
"the public view."
* Zealots armed with old clubs; and gleaves, swords, from
the Latin, glaudis.
t Alderman Pennington, with some hundred of the rabble at
his heels, presented a petition to the commons signed with 15,000
names, praying that the government by bishops might be
abolished. Afterwards the apprentices were drawn down in
great numbers, to cry out at the parliament doors. No bishops,
No bishops ! By which, and the like means, the bill against the
bishops voting in parliament, and that against the earl of Straf-
ford, were made to pass the houses, and obtain the royal
assent.
% Some of the ancients were of opinion, that thunder stupifi-
ed before it killed. See Ammian. Marcellin. Vejovis fulmine
mox tangeiidos adeo hebetari, iit nee tonitrum nee majores
aliquos possint audire fragores, xvii. 10, and Plin. Nat. Hist. ii.
54. Perhaps the notion may be as old as .iEschylus : see his
Prometheus.
17*
394 HUDIBRAS. [Fart in
Nor wit enough to run away : 570
Who, if we could resolve on either,
Might stand or fall at least together ;
No mean or trivial solaces
To partners in extreme distress,*
Who use to lessen their despairs, S75
By parting them int' equal shares ;
As if the more they were to bear,t
They felt the weight the easier ;
And ev'ry one the gentler hung,
The more he took his turn among. 580
But 'tis not come to that, as yet,
If we had courage left, or wit,
Who, when our fate can be no worse,
Are fitted for the bravest course,
Have time to rally, and prepare 585
Our last and best defence, despair :t
Despair, by which the gallant'st feats
Have been achiev'd in greatest straits,
And horrid'st dangers safely wav'd,
By b'ing courageously outbrav'd ; 590
As wounds by wider wounds are heal'd,
And poisons by themselves expeli'd ;§
And so they might be now agen.
If we were, what we should be, men ;
And not so dully desperate, 595
To side against ourselves with fate :
As criminals, condemn'd to suffer.
Are blinded first, and then turn'd over.
This comes of breaking covenants.
And setting up exempts of saints, || 600
That fine, like aldermen, for grace,
To be excus'd the efficace :1T
* Solanien miseris socios habuisse del oris.
f In some editions ; as if the more there were to bear.
X Una sains vlctis nullam sperare salutem.
^ Sneering Sir Kenelm Digby, and others, who assert this as a
fact ; indeed, oil is a good cure of the serpent's bite. See v. 1029
of this canto.
II Dispensing, in particular instances, with the covenant and
obligations.
IT Persons who are nominated to an office, and pay the accus
tomed fine, are entitled to the sa ne privileges as if they had per-
formed the service. Thus, some of the sectaries, if they paid
handsomely were deemed saints, and full of grace, though, from
the tenor of their lives, they merited no such distinction, com
muting for their want of real grace, that they might be excused
tbe drudgery of good works, for spiritual men are too transcend
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 395
For sp'ritual men are too transcendent,*
Thai mount their banks for independent,!
To hang, like Mah'met, in the air,t 605
Or St. Ignatius, at his prayer,§
By pure geometry, and hate
Dependence upon church or state ;
Disdain the pedantry o' th' letter,
And since obedience is better, 610
The Scripture says, than sacrifice,
Presume the less on't will suffice ;
And scorn to have the moderat'st stints
Prescrib'd their peremptory hints,
Or any opinion, true or false, fl5
Declar'd as such, in doctriuals ;
But left at large to make tiieir best on.
Without b'ing call'd t' account or quest'on
Interpret all the spleen reveals,
As Whittington explain'd the bells ;|| 020
And bid themselves turn back agen
Lord May'rs of New Jerusalem ;
But look so big and overgrown,
They scorn their edifiers t' own.
Who taught them all their sprinkling lessons, C25
Their tones, and sanctify'd expressions ;
Bestow'd their gifts upon a saint,
Like charity, on those that want ;
ent to grovel in good works, namely, those spiritual men that
mount their banlfs for independent. Efficace is an affected word
of the poet's own coining, and signilies, I suppose, actual ser-
vice.
* This and the following lines contain an elegant satire upon
those persons who renounce all dependence either on the church
or state.
t Etre sur les bancs, is to hold a dispute, to assert a claim, to
contest a right or an honor, to be a competitor.
t They need no such support as the body of Mahomet; which,
history fabulously tells us, is kept suspended in the air, by being
placed in a steel cotiin between two loadstones of equal pow-
ers.
^ Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits. An old soldier :
at the siege of Pampeluna by the French he had both his legs
wounded, the left by a stone, the right broken by a bullet. His
fervors in devotion were so strong that they sometimes raised
him two cubits from the ground. The same story is told in the
legends of Saint Dominick, Xavier, and Philip Neri.
II In his imagination their jingle said,
Turn again Whittington,
For thou in time shalt grow
Lord-mayor of London.
Obeying the admonition, he not only att;iined the promised
honor, but amassed a fortune of C.ISO.OOO. Tatler, No. 78.
396 HUDIBRAS [Part iu
A)id learii'd tli' apocrj^phal bigots
T' inspire tliemse^ves with shorthand notes,* 630
For which they scorn and hate them worse
Than dogs and cats do sow-gelders :
For who first bred them up to pray,
And teach the liouse of commons way?
Where had tliey all their gifted phrases, 633
But from our Calamies and Cases ?t
Without whose sprinkling and sowing,
Whoe'er had heard of Nye or Owen ?t
Their dispensations had been stifled,
But for our Adoniram Byfield ;§ 640
* Learn'd. that is, taught. Apocryphal bigots, not genuine
ones, some suppose to be a kind of second-rale Independent di-
vines, that availed themselves of the genuine bigots or Presliy-
terian ministers' discourse, by taking down the heads of it in
shorthand, and then retailing it at private meetings. The accent
is laid upon the last syllable of bigot.
t Calamy was minister of Aldermanbury, London, a zealous
Presbyterian and Covenanter, and frequent preacher before the
parliament. He was one of the first who whispered in the con-
venticles, what afterwards he proclaimed openly, that for the
cause of religion it was lawful lor the subjects to take up arms
against the king. Case, upon the deprivation of a loyalist, be-
came minister of Saint Mary Magdalen church. Milk-street;
where it was usual with him thus to invite his people to the
communion : " Yon that have freely and liberally contributed to
" the parliament, for the defence of God s cause and the gospel,
" draw near," &c., instead of the words, " ye that do truly and
"earnestly repent you of your sins." He was one of the assem-
bly of divines, preached for the covenant, and printed his ser-
mon: preached often before the parliament, was a bluer enemy
to Independents, and concerned with Love in the plot.
i Here read sprinkleing, or sprinkeling. Philip Nye was a
most virulent dissenting teacher, zealous against the king and
bishops beyond most of his brethren. He went on purpose into
Scotlanil to expedite the covenant, and preached before the
houses in England, when that obligation was taken by them
He was at first a Presbyterian, and one of the assembly ; but af
terwards joined the Independents. At the restoration, it was
debated by the healing parliament for several hours, whether
he should not be excepted from life. Doctor Owen was a great
stickler on the Independent side, and in great credit with Crom-
well and his party. He was preferred by them to the deanry of
Christ church, in Oxford. The Biographical Dictionary, in 8vo.
says, that, in 1654, being vice-chancellor, he offered to represent
the university in parliament; and, to remove the objection of his
being a divine, renounced his orders, and pleaded that he was a
layman. He was returned ; but his election being questioned in
the committee, he sat only a short time.
§ Byfield was a noted Presbyterian, chaplain to Colonel Chol-
mondeiy's regiment, in the earl of Essex's army, and one of the
scribes io the assembly of divines. Afterwards he became min-
ister of Collingborn, in Wilts, and assistant to the commissioners
In ejecting scandalous ministers.
Canto ii.] HC/DIBRAS. 397
And had they not begun the war,
They 'ad ne'er been sainted as they are :*
For saints in peace degenerate,
And dwindle down to reprobate ;
Their zeal corrupts, like standing water, 045
In th' intei-vals of war and slaughter ;
Abates the sharpness of its edge.
Without the pow'r of sacrilege :t
And tho' they've tricks to cast their sins,
As easy as serpents do their skins.t 650
That in a while grow out agen.
In peace they turn mere carnal men,
And from the most refin'd of saints.
As nat'rally grow miscreants
As barnacles turn sol and geese 055
In th' islands of the Orcades.§
* Had not the divines, on the Presbyterian side, fomented the
differences, the Independents had never come in play, or been
taken notice of.
T That is, if they have not the power and opportunity of con?-
mitting sacrilege, by plunderinfr the church lands.
t Positis novus exuviis, nitidusqiic juventa. Georg. iii. 4.37.
§ Our poet wds too good a naturalist to suppose that a sliell-
flsh would turn to a goose: but in this place, as in many others,
he means to banter some of the papers published by the first es-
tablishers of the Royal Society. In the twelfth volume of the
Philosophical Transactions, No. ]37, p. O^.l, Sir Robert Moray
gives an account of barnacles hanging upon trees, and contain-
ing each of them a little bird, so completely formed that nothing
appeared wanting, as to the e.xternal parts, for making up a per-
fect sea-fowl: the little bill, like that of a goose; the eyes
marked ; the head, neck, breast, and wings, tail and feet formed ;
the feathers every way perfectly shaped, and blackish colored;
and the feet like those of other water fowls. See the Lepas
anatifera, Lin. SySt. 0G8. My friend, Mr. Pennant, observes,
(British Zoology, vol. iv. No. 9,) that the animal is furnished
with a feathered beard, which in a credulous age was believed
to be part of a young bird ; it is a native of hot climates, and
found adhering to the bottoms of ships. Heylin says, they are
bred in the Isle of Man from rotten wood thrown into the water.
The same is mentioned by Camden, and by old Gerard in his
Herbal, who gives a print of the goose itself in p. 1587, with a
cluster of the shells called Lepas anatifera, or barnacle shells,
which he calls ConchiB anatifen-e Britannicas, and by the wise
naturalists of the sixteenth century \yere tliought to generate
the birds, which hung for a while by the bill, then fell into the
sea, and grew to rmturity : they did not, like our poet, make the
tree goose a soland goose, but the goose called the barnacle.
British Zoology, ii. 269. Sir John Mandeville, in his Voyages,
ch. 84, says, " In my country there are trees that do bear fruit
" that become birds flying, and they are good to eat, and that
"which falls in the water lives, and that which falls on the
"earth dies." Ed. London, 1722. Hector Boetius, in his History
of Scotland, tells us of a goose-bearing tree, as it is called in the
Orcades ; that is, one whose leaves falling into the water, an
398 HUDIBRAS. fPART in
Their dispensation 's but a ticket
For their conforming to the wicked,
With whom their greatest difference
Lies more in words and shew, than sense • 660
For as the Pope, that keeps the gate
Of heaven, wears three crowns of state ;*
So he tliat keeps the gates of hell,
Proud Cerb'rus, wears three heads as well ;t
And, if the world has any troth, t 665
Some have been canoniz'd in both.
But that which does them greatest harm,
Their sp'ritual gizzards are too warm,§
Which puts the overheated sots
lu fevers still, like other goats ;|| 670
turned to those geese which are called soland geese, and found
in prodigious numbers in those parts. Thus the poet Dubartas :
Po slow Bootes underneath him sees
In th' icy islands, goslings hatch'd of trees,
Whose fruitful leaves falling into the water
Are turn'd ('tis known) to living fowl soon after.
Again :
So rotten planks of broken ships do change
To barnacles. Oh I transformation strange !
'Twas first a green tree, then a broken hull,
Lately a mushroom, now a flying gull.
The poet seems to have taken something from each of these
stories. In Moore's Travels into the inland parts of Africa, p.
54, we read : ''This evening, December 18, 1730, I supped upon
" oysters which grew upon trees. Down the river (Gambia)
" where the water is salt, and near the sea, the river is bounded
" with trees called mangroves, whose leaves being long and
" heavy, weigh the boughs into the water. To these leaves
" the young oysters fasten in great quantities, where they grow
" till they are very large ; and then you cannot separate them
" from the tree, but are obliged to cut oti" the boughs. The oys-
" ters hanging on them rtsenible a rope of onions." Mr. Francis
Moore, son of a writing-master at Worcester, was many years a
factor in the service of the African Company, and travelled five
hundred miles up the river Gambia. These oysters are found
in Jamaica, and many other places.
* The pope, pretending to have the power of the keys, is
called janitor ecclesia;. The tiara or triple crown is a badge of
papal dignity.
t Cerberus hfec ingens latratu regna trifauci
Personat jEneis vi. 417.
t Many bad as well as good men have been honored with the
title of saints.
§ Persons are said to have a broiling in their gizzards when
they stomach any thing very much.
II Caf.ras sanas sanus nemo promittet, nunquam enim sine
febre sunt. Varro ii. 3, 5. Columella says they are extremely
sickly. And Plutarch ii. p. 290, that they are subject to epilep-
•les. J! the notes on Varro, it is observed that the learned Co
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS 399
For tho' the whore bends liereticks
With flames of fire, like crooked sticks,*
Our schismatics so vastly differ,
Th' hotter they 're they grow the stiffer ;
Still setting off their sp'ritual goods, 67i
With fierce and pertinacious feuds :
For zeal's a dreadful termagant.
That teaches saints to tear and rant.
And independents to profess
The doctrine of dependences ; 68C
Turns meek, and secret, sneaking ones,t
To raw-heads fierce, and bloody-bones ;
And not content with endless quarrels
Against the wicked, and tlieir morals,
The GibeHines, for want of Guelfs,t 685
Divert their rage upon themselves.
For now the war is not between
The brethren and the men of sin.
But saint and saint to spill the blood
Of one another's brotherhood, 690
Where neither side can lay pretence
To hberty of conscience,"^
Or zealous suff'ring for tdo caiwe*
To gain one groat's worth of appiause.
For tho' endur'd with resohition, 695
'Twill ne'er amount to persecution ;
Shall precious saints, and secret ones,
Break one another's outward bones, |1
And eat the flesh of brethren,
Instead of kings and miglity men ? 700
teler was suckled by a she-goat ; and in consequence was a
valetudinary through life, subject to melancholy, and scarcely
ever without a fever.
* The pope of Rome is, by some, thought to be the same with
the whore of Babylon mentioned in the Revelation : and the
Romanists are said to have attempted the conversion of infidels
by means of fire and fagots, as men made crooked sticks straight
by fire and steam.
t In some editions we have a better reading thus .
Turns meek, and sneaking secret ones.
t These names of distinction were first made use of at Pis-
toia, where, when the magistrates expelled the Panzatichi, there
chanced to be two brothers, Germans, one of whom, named
Guelph, was for the pope, the other, Gibel, for the emperor.
The spirit of these parties raged with violence in Italy and Ger-
many.
$ That is, not having granted liberty of conscience.
(I A sneer upon the canting abuse of scripture phrases, alluding
to Psalm ii. v. 9 ; thus again 1. 328 of this canto : the same may
be said of lines 326 and 700.
100 HrJDlBRA.S. [Part in.
When fiends agree among themselves,*
Shall they be found the greater elves ?t
When Bell's at union with the Dragon,
And Baal Peor friends vi'ith Dagon ;
When savage bears agree with bears,t 705
Shall secret ones lug saints by th' ears,
And not atone their fatal wrath..§
When common danger threatens both ?
Shall mastiffs, by the collars puU'd,
Engag'd with bulls, let go their hold ; 710
And saints, whose necks are pawn'd at stake, ||
No notice of the danger take ;
But tho' no pow'r of heaven or hell
Can pacify fanatic zeal.
Who would not guess there might bo hopes, 715
The fear of gallowses and ropes
Before their eyes miglit reconcile
Their animosities a while.
At least until they 'ad a clear stage.
And equal freedom to engage, 720
Without the danger of surprise
By both our common enemies ?ir
This none but we alone could doubt,**
Who understood their workings-out,
And know 'em both in soul and conscience, 725
Giv'n up t' as reprobate a nonsensett
As spiritual out-laws, whom the pow'r
Of miracle can ne'er restore.
We, whom at first they set up under,
In revelation only of plunder, 730
Who since have had so many trials
Of their encroaching self-denials,tt
* O shame to men ! devil with devil iJamu'd
Firm concord holds Paradise Lost, ii. 496.
t They, that is the saints, see v. 689, 697.
% ssEvis inter se convenit ursis. Juv. Sat. xv. 164.
^ Atone, that is, reconcile, see v. 717.
II That is, and saints, whose all is at stake, as they are to be
banged if things do not take a friendly turn. See v. 716.
IT That is, by the common enemies of us both.
** None but we alone could doubt that the fear of gallowses
micht reconcile Iheir animosities, &c.
tt Given up to a state of reprobation and guidance of their
own folly, like persons under such an irrevocable sentence of
excommunication, that even their power of working miracles
would never avail to gain them absolution, and reinstate them.
It The Independents got rid of the Presbyterian leaders by the
Beif-denying ordinance.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 401
That rook'd upon us with design*
To out-reform and undermine ;
Took all our int'rests and commands 735
Perfidiously out of our hands ;
Involv'd us in the guilt of blood,
Without the motive gains aIlovv'd,t
And made us serve as ministerial,
Like younger sons of father Belial. 740
And yet, for all th' inhuman wrong
Th' had done us, and the cause so long,
We never fail'd to carry on
The work still, as we had begun :
But true and faithfully obey'd, 715
And neither preach'd them hurt, nor pray'd ;
Nor troubled them to crop our ears.
Nor hang us, like the cavaliers ;
Nor put them to the charge of jails,
To find us pill'ries and cart-tails, 750
Or hangman's wages, which the state
Was forc'd before them, to be at ;
That cut, like tallies, to the stumps.
Our ears for keeping true accompts,t
And burnt our vessels, like a new- 755
Seal'd peck, or bushel, for being true ;
But hand in hand, like faithful brothers,
Held forth the cause against all others,
Disdaining equally to yield
One syllable of what we held. 7G0
And though we differ'd now and then
'Bout outward things, and outward men.
Our inward men, and constant frame
Of spirit still were near the same ;
And till they first began to cant, 76i>
And sprinkle down the covenant,
* That played the cheat.
t That is, without allowing the gains which were the motives
to such actions.
% lailies are corresponding notches which traders make on
sticks: they are planed away when the accounts are allowed,
or liquidated. The nieuning seems to be, the state before tlie
public confusion marie us sutTer for keeping true accounts, or for
being true, cutting our ears like tallies, and branding the vessels
of our bodies like a measure with the mark fresh upon it: the
tallies so cut as keeping true accounts: the measure so sealed,
or branded, as being a true one : this suits with the character of
Lilbourn. See note on line 421. London and other towns have
the power of e.xamining weights and measures, and usually put
their seal upon such as are true and just, which are thence called
sealed weights, and sealed measures
402 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
We ne'er had call in any place,
Nor dream'd of teaching down free grace ;
But join'd our gifts perpetually,
Against the common enemy. 77C
Although 'twas ours, and their opinion,
Each other's church was but a Rimmon.*
And yet, for all this gospel-union,
And outward shew of church-communion,
They'll ne'er admit us to our shares 775
Of ruling church, or state affairs.
Nor give us leave t' absolve, or sentence
T' our own conditions of repentance :
Hut shar'd our dividend o' th' crown,
We had so painfully preach'd down ; 780
And forc'd us, tlio' against the grain,
T' have calls to teach it up again.t
¥ov 'twas but justice to restore
The wrongs we had receiv'd before ;
And when 'twas held forth in our way, 785
Wo 'ad been ungrateful not to pay :
Wlio for the right we've done the nation,
Have eam'd our temporal salvation,
And put our vessels in a way,
Once more to come again in play : 790
For if the turning of us out,
Has brought this providence about.
And that our only suffering
Is able to bring in the king,t
* A Syrian idol. See 2 Kings, v. 18. And Paradise Lost, 467:
Him followed Eimmon, whose delightful seat
. Was fair Damascus, on the fertile lianlis
Of Abbana and Pharphar, lucid streams.
The meaning is, that in our and their opinion, church com
munion with each other was a lilie case with that of Naaman's
bowing himself in the house of Rimmon, equally laying both
under the necessity of a petition for pardon : the Independents
knew that their tenets were so opposite to those of the Presby-
terians, that they could not coalesce, and therefore concealed
them, till they were strong enough to declare them.
t I'he Presbyterians entered into several plots to restore the
king. For it was but justice, said they, to repair the injuries we
hii(l received from the Independents; and when monarchy was
offered to be restored in our own sense, and with all the limita
tions we desired, it had been ungrateful not to consent.
J Many of the Presbyterians, says Lord Clarendon, when
ousted of their prefernent, or secluded from their house of com-
mons by the Independents, pretended to make a merit of it in
respect of their loyalty. And some of them had the confidence
to present themselves to King Charles the Second, both before
tnd after his restoration, as sufferers for the crown ; though thejr
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 403
What would our actions not have done, 795
Had we been sufFsr'd to go on ?
And therefore may pretend t' a share,*
At least, in carrying on tli' affair :
But whether that be so, or not.
We 've done enough to have it thought, 800
And that's as good as if we 'ad done 't,
And easier past upon account :
For if it be but half deny'd,
'Tis half as good as justify'd.
The world is naturally averse 805
To all the truth it sees or hears,
But swallows nonsense and a lie,
With greediness and gluttony ;
And tho' it have the pique, and long,
'Tis still for something in the wrong :+ 810
As women long when they 're with child.
For things extravagant and wild ;
For meats ridiculous and fulsome.
But seldom any thing that's wholesome ;
And, like the world, men's jobbernoles 815
Turn round upon their ears, the poles ;t
And what they 're confidently told,
By no sense else can be controll'd.
And this, perhaps, may be the means
Once more to hedge in providence. 820
For as relapses make diseases
More desp'rate than their first accesses ;
If we but get again in pow'r.
Our work is easier than before ;
And we more ready and expert 625
r the mystery, to do our part :
We, who did rather undertake
The first war to create, than make ;§
And when of nothing 'twas begun,||
had been violent sticklers against it: this, their behavior, onr
poet ridicules in many places of this canto
* To make out the grammatical canstruction, this verse must
be connected with verse 790.
t Pira is a depraved appetite, or desire of improper food to
which pregnant women, or sickly females, are sometimes sub-
ject.
t Jlen's heads are turned with the lies and nonsense which
they hear, and attend to. See v. 1008.
^ By creating war, he means, finding pretences for it, stirring
up and fomenting it. By making war, he means waging and
carrying it on.
II Upon no occasion or provocation.
404 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
Rais'd funds as strange, to carry 't on 830
Trepann'd the state, and fac'd it down,
With plots and projects of our own :
And if we did such feats at first,
What can we now we 're better vers'd ?
Who have a freer latitude 835
Than sinners give themselves, allow'd ;
And therefore likeliest to bring in,
On fairest terms, our discipline ;
To which it was reveal'd long since
We were ordain'd by Providence, 840
When three saints' ears, our predecessors.
The cause's primitive confessors,*
B'ing crucify'd, the nation stood
In just so many years of blood,t
That, multiply'd by six express'd 845
The perfect number of the beast,t
And prov'd that we must be the men
To bring this work about agen ;
* Barton, Prynne, and Bastwick, three busy writers at the
beginning of the civil war, were set in the pillory, and had their
ears cropped. Hence the poet jncosely calls them primitive con-
fessors. Tlie severe sentence which was passed on tliese per-
sons, and on Leighton, conlrilnUed much to inflame the minds of
men, and to incense them against the bishops, the star-chamber,
and the government.
t The civil war lasted six years, from 1C42, till the death of
the king in 1C48-9.
t Ailudina to Revelation, ch. xiii. 18. " Here is wisdom-
" Let him that hath understanding count the number of the
."beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is six
" hundred threescore and six." The multiplication of three
units by six, gives three sixes, and the juxtaposition of three
sixes makes 6G0, or, which comes to the same thing — three units
placed by the side of each other (111) is one hundred and
eleven, which, multiplied by (G) six, is equal to (6GG) six hun-
dred si.\ty-six, the number of the beast. This mysterious num-
ber and name e.xcited the curiosity of mankind so early, that
even in the second century, Irenscus started various conjectures
on the subject. He snpposes the name may be Evanthas,
Lateinos, Teitan, &c., which last he prefers. But he adds, with
a modesty ill-imitated by later expositors — " Yet, I venture not
"to pronounce positively conccrjiing the name of antichrist:
" for, had it been intended to be openly proclaimed to tlje pres
" em generation, it would have been uttered by the same person
" who saw the revelation." Fevardent discovered this number
in the name of Martin Luther, which originally, he says, was
Martin Lauter.*-
* From Fevardent's Notes on Irena;us, 1. v. c. 30, p. 487, ed.
Paris, folio, A. D. 1675. Initio vocahatur Martin Lauter ; cujus
nommis literas si Pythagorice et ratione subducas et more He-
braorum et Gracorum alphabetl crescat numcrus, priino mona-
Canto ii ] HUDIBRAS. 40fi
And those who laid the first foundation,
Compleat the thorough reformation : 850
For who have gifts to carry on
So great a work, but we alone ?
dam, deinde decadum hinc centuriarum, numerus noniinls Bes-
tiff, id est, 666, tandem perfectuni comperies, hoc pacto.
20
1
200
100
M
30
Ii
A
1
A
R
80
TJ
T
100
r
1
9
R
N
40
R
80
300 5 10 300 1 50
TBI TAN
Equal to 606.
I can make nothing of Luther, nor of the Greek alphabet : but
let uie read Lauter, and make numerals of the Latin alphabet,
and then things will fadge or fit. Other names applicable to
Antichrist, collected by Fevardent from various authors are :
1 EvavOas 2 Aaretvoi 3 Tctrav
4 Xpvovjial 5 Aa/x-nCTi; G" O NiKrirrj;
7 KaKos oiriyos 8 A\i]9>]S fiXaPcpo;
9 JJa\at (iaaKavo; 10 A/ii-os aSiKo;
11 AvTCnos 12 TcvaripiKo;.
The first three Greek names are proposed by Irena3iis. Fe-
vardent prefers Waometis to them all.
IrenEPUs's rational reflection on the whole is luckily preserved
in the original Greek (for in general only a barbarous Latin ver-
sion of this father remains) by Eusebius, Ilist. Eccl. v. 8.
'Yip.ui ovv OVK dffOKn'^ui'£Uoy^£i' rrcpi tou dvdfiaTOS Tov AvTi-
XPT"" airo(paiv6ptvoi PcpaiMTiKOJ;. Ej yap eiti avaipavhbv
Tif) vvv Kaipu) KTipvTTtaOai rovvopa avTov, 6t' Ikuvov av i'pptOji
TOV Kal t1)v diroKaXv^iv icooaKdros
That this mark of Antichrist engaged the attention of the sec-
taries, will appear by the following quotation from the pretended
posthumous works of Mr. Butler, in the character of an assem-
bly man. "O how they have torn poor bishops' names to pick
"out the nimiber 666. Little dreaming that a whole baker's
"dozen of their own assembly have that beastly number in each
" of their names ; and that as exactly as their solenm league and
" covenant consists of 666 words." Or from the character of an
hermetic philosopher, written by Butler himself: "By this
"means they have found out who is the true owner of the beast
"in the apocalypse, which has long passed for a stray among
" the learned ; what is the true product of 066. that has rung like
" VVhittington's bells in the ears of expositors." But some have
thought that this passage alludes not to the apocalyptic, but to
the independent beast, and e.xplain it thus ; " /njust three years
"of blood, for the king .^et up his standard in August, 1642,
"and the battle of Naseby was fought in June, 1645, which
" proved the deciding battle," says Ludlow, " the king's party
"after that time never making any considerable opposition,
" which three bloody years, thus answering to three confessors,
"being multiplied by six, the number of their crucified ears, e.x-
" pressed the perfect number of yeara in which the independent
" beast should prevail, namely 18, reckoning from the com-
'' mencement of the war to the restoration."
406 HUDIBHAS. [Part m,
What churches have such able pastors,
And precious, powerful, preachiug masters?
Possess'd with absolute dominions 855
O'er brethren's purees and opinions,
And trusted with the double keys
Of heav'n, and their warehouses ;
Who, when the cause is in distress.
Can furnish out what sums they please, 860
That brooding lie in bankers' hands.
To be dispos'd at their commands ;
And daily increase and multiply,
With doctrine, use, and usury :
Can fetch in parties, as in war 865
All other heads of cattle are.
From th' enemy of ail religions,
As well as high and low conditions,
And share them from blue ribbons down
To all blue aprons in the town ;* 870
From ladies hurry'd in calleches,
Witii cornets at their footmen's breeches,t
To bawds as fat as mother Nab,t
All guts and belly, like a crab.
Our party's great, and better ty'd 875
With oaths, and trade, than any side ;§
Has one considerable improvement,
To double-fortify the cov'nant ;
mean our covenant to purchase]]
Delinquents' titles, and the church's, 880
That pass in sale, from hand to hand.
Among ourselves, for current land,
And rise or fall, like Indian actions,
According to the rate of factions ;
* Tradesmen and their apprentices took a very active part in
the troubles, both by preaching and figliling.
t Calleche, calash, or chariot. Cornets were ornaments
whiih servants wore upon tlieir breeches : though some critics
would read coronets.
J Ladies of this profession are generally described as coarse and
fat. The orator means, that the leaders of the faction could
fetch in parties of all ranks, from the highest to the lowest, from
lady Carlisle to the lowest mechanic in a blue apron.
$ The strength of the Presbyterian party lay in the covenant-
ers, and the citizens.
II In the first line, the word cov'nant is two syllables, in the
second line it is three.*
* Where one word ends wiih a vowel, and the next begins with cnp, Butlo
tither leaves them as two syltables, or contracts them into one, as best suits
bit verse. Where a vowel is a word by itself it is sometimes, pei'haps, not
ftekoned in scai\ning. See P. i. c. li. v. 705, anil P. ii. c. ii. v. 671
Canto ii.] IIUDIBRAS. 407
Our best reserve for reformation, 885
When new outgoings give occasion ;
That keeps the loins of brethren girt,
Their covenant, their creed, t' assert ;*
And, when they've pack'd a parliament,
Will once more try th' expedient : 890
Who can already muster friends,
To serve for members to our ends.
That represent no part o' th' nation,
But Fisher's-folly congregation ;t
Are only tools to our intrigues, 895
And sit like geese to hatch our eggs :
Who, by their precedents of wit,
T' outfast, outloiter, and outsit,!
Can order matters under-hand,
To put all bus'ness to a stand ; 900
Lay public bills aside, for private,
And make 'em one another drive out ;
Divert the great and necessary,
With trifles to contest and vary ;
And make the nation represent, 905
And servo for us in parliament ;
* A ly preacher at Banbury said, " We know, O Lord, that
Abraham made a covenant, and Moses and David made a cov-
enant, and our Saviour made a covenant, but tlie parliament's
covenant is the greatest of all covenants." The marquis of Ham-
ilton being sent into Scotland to appease the troubles there, de-
manded of the Scotch that they should renounce the covenant ;
they answered, that they would sooner renounce their bap-
tism.
t Jasper Fisher, one of tlie si.x clerks in chancery, spent his
fortune in laying out magnificent gardens, and building a fine
house ; which, therefore, was called Fisher's Folly. II was af-
terwards used as a conventicle ; perhaps of Quakers. See Ful-
ler's Worthies, p. 197, and Stowe's Survey. The place where
the house stood is now Devonshire-s(juare, in the city. Here is
an equivoque on the word represent. It means either to stand
in the place of, and be substituted by others, or to resemble,
and be like them. In the first sense, the members they should
pack, would represent their constituents ; buf in the latter sense,
only a meeting of enthusiastic sectaries.
t By these arts and methods, the leaders on the parliament
side defeated the purposes of the loyalists, and carried such
points in the house as were disagreeable to the solder part, and
indeed, to the majority. Thus the remonstrance was carried, as
Lord Clarendon says, merely by the hour of the night ; the de-
bates being continued till two o'clock, and very many having
withdrawn out of pure faintness and disability to attend the con-
clusion. The bill against episcopacy, and others, were carried
by out-fasting, and out-sitting those who opposed it : which
made Lord Falkland say, that they who hated bishops, hated
them worse than the devil, and those that loved them, loverf
them not so well as their own dinners.
403 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
Cut out more work than can bo dono
In Plato's year,* but fniisli none,
Unless it be the bulls of Lonthal,
That ahvay-s pass'd for fundamental :t 910
Can set up grandee against grandee,
To squander time away, and bandy ;
Make lords and commoners lay sieges
To one another's privileges :
And, rather than compound the quarrel, 915
Engage, to th' inevitable peril
Of both their ruins, th' only scope
And consolation of our hope ;
Who, tho' we do not play the game,
Assist as much by giving aim ;| 920
Can introduce our ancient arts,
For heads of factions t' act their parts ;
Know what a leading voice is worth,
A seconding, a third, or fourth ;
How much a casting voice comes to, 925
That turns up trump of Ay, or No ;
And, by adjusting all at th*^ end,
Share ev'ry one his dividend.
An art that so much study cost.
And now's in danger to be lost, 930
Unless our ancient virtuosos,
That found it out, get into th' houses.
These are the courses that we took
To carry things by hook or crook, §
* The Platonic year, or time reqiiirei] for a complete revela-
tion of the entire machine of the worlii, has by some been made
to consist of 4000 common years; others have thoucht it must
extend to 2(5,000, or still more. Magnus annus turn efficitur, cum
solis, etiuna;, ct quinque errantium, adeandem inter se compara-
tionein confectis omniuir. spatiis est facta con versio. QuiBquain
onga sit, magna qu<pstio est. Cic-ro de Nat. Deor. ii. 20.
t The ordinances pubUshed by the house of commons were
signed by Lenthal the speaker and are therefore called the
bulls of Lenthal. They may be termed fundamentals, because
many of them were issued by order of the rump parliameat.
t Ur in the bowler's phrase, by ifioing ground.
<ji Crook and Button were the only judjjes who dissented from
their brethren, when the case of ship-money was argued in the
exchequer: which occasioned the wajrs to say that the king
carried it by Hook, but not by Crook: Dr. Grey on the passage;
but the saying is of much older date, and only applied as a p:in
by Butler, and the wits of the reipn of Charles the First. We
find it used by Skelton, and by Spenser frequently, B. v. c. i.
<t. 27 :
' Tho v/hich her sire had scrapt by hooke and crooke ;"
Canto n.J HUDIBRAS. 409
And practis'd down from forty-four, 935
Until they turn'd us out of door :*
Besides the herds of Boutefeus
We set on work, without the house,
When ev'ry knight and citizen
Kept legislative journeymen, 040
To bring them in intelligence,
From all points of the rabble's sens<:^,
And fill the lobbies of both houses
With politic important buzzes ;
Set up committees of cabals, t 045
To pack designs without the walls ;
Examine and draw up all news.
And fit it to our present use ;
Agree upon the plot of the farce,
And ev'ry one his part rehearse ; 05O
Make Q's of answers, to way-lay
What th' other party's like to say ;|:
What repartees, and smart reflections,
Shall be return'd to all objections ;
And who shall break the master jest, 053
And what, and how, upon the rest ;
Help pamphlets out, with safe editions,
Of proper slanders and seditions.
And treason for a token send.
By letter, to a country friend ; 060
Disperse lampoons, the only wit
That men, like burglary commit,
With falser than a padder's face,
That all its owner does betrays ;
Who therefore dares not trust it, when 965
He's in his calling, to be seen.§
and again, B. iii. c. i. st. 17 :
" In hopes her to attaine by hooke or crooke."
(The fact is, that hook is the same as crook. See our old diction-
aries. The oricrinal meaning, therefore, was, either in one form
or the other. Todd. Minshew explains it per fas aut nefas.]
* From the time of the sell-denyinw ordinance, 1644, when the
Preshyterians were turned nut frum all places of profit and pow-
er; till December 7. 1648. when they were turned out of the par-
liaiiierithouse by Colonel Pride, forty-one members seized by the
soldiers, and one hundred and si.xty excluded.
t The poet probably alludes to the ministers of Charles tho
Second, the initials of whose names made up the word cabal,
Clifiiird, Ashley, Buckin<?han), Arlington, t.auiieniale.
t Prisorusrs in Newgate, and other jails, have often sham-
examinations, to prepare them with answers for their real trials.
$ Padders, or highwaymen, frequently cover their faces with
• mask or piece of crape.
18
410 HUDIBRAS. fPART IB
Disperse the dung on barren earth,
To bring new weeds of discord forth ;
Be sure to keep up congregations,
In spite of law and proclamations • 070
For charlatans can do no good,
Until they 're mounted in a crowd
And when they 're punish'd, all the hurt
Is but to fare the better for't ;
As long as confessors are sure 975
Of double pay for all tli' endure,*
And what they earn in persecution.
Are paid t' a groat in contribution :
Whence some tub-holdersforth have made
In powd'ring tubs their richest trade ; 980
And, while they kept their shops in prison.
Have found their prices strangely risen.t
Disdain to own the least regret
For all the christian blood we 've let ;
'Twill save our credit, and maintain 98!
Our title to do so again ;
That needs not cost one dram of sense,
But pertinacious impudence.
Our constancy t' our principles,
In time will wear out all things else ; 990
Like marble statues, rubb'd in pieces
* Alluding to the three persons before-nien tinned, Burton,
Prynne, and Bastwick, who, having been pilloried, fined, and 'jan-
ishcd to different parts of the kingdoms, by the sentence of the
Star-chamber, were by the parliament afterwards recalled, and
rewarded out of the estates of those who had punished them.
In their way back to London they were honored with loud ac-
clamati* ns, and received many presents.
silenc'd ministers.
That get estates by being undone
For tender conscience, and have none :
Like those that with their credit drive
A trade without a stock, and thrive.
Butler's Remains, vol. i. p. C3.
f Probably powdering-tubs here signifies prisons. See P. iii.
c. iii. 1. 210. When any one is in a bad scrape, he is said to be
in a pretty pickle. See P. ii. c. i. v. 366. [Ancient Pistol throws
some light upon this passage when he bids Nym
" to the spital go.
" And from the powdering- tub of infamy
"Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid's kind,
"Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse."
Butler may mean that snni? of the tub-holdersforth kept liouses
of ill-fame, from whence the transit to the powdering-tub was
frequent. Such persons are also not unfrequently sent to
prison, and persecution has ever the effect of raising the prices
of the doctrines of the persecuted.]
Canto II.] HUDIBRAS. 411
With gallantry of pilgrims' kisses ;*
While those who turn and wind their oaths,
Have swell'd and sunk, like other froths ;
Prevail'd a while, but 'twas not long 933
Before from world to world they swung ;
As they had turn'd from side to side,
And as the changelings liv'd, they dy'd.
This said, th' impatient statesmonger
Could now contain himself no longer,t 1001
Who had not spar'd to shew his piquest
Against th' haranguer's politics.
With smart remarks of leering faces.
And annotations of grimaces.
After he had administer'd a dose§ 1005
Of snufF mundungus to his nose,
And powder'd th' inside of his skull,
Instead of th' outward jobbemoI,||
He shook it, with a scornful look,
On th' adversary, and thus he spoke 1010
In dressing a calf's head, altho'
The tongue and brains together go,
Both keep so great a distance here,
'Tis strange if ever they come near ;
For who did ever play his gambols 1015
With such insufferable rambles.
To make the bringing in the king.
And keeping of him out, one thing?
Which none could do, but those that swore
T' as point-blank nonsense heretofore ; 1020
That to defend was to invade.
And to assassinate to aid :'S
* Round the Casa Santa of Loretto, the marble is worn into a
deep channel, by the knees and kisses of the pilgrims and
others. [The statues both of gods and saints have been, and
are, worn by the touch of their votaries ; of the former the knees
were the suffering parts.]
t As the former orator, whoever he was, had harangued on
the side of the Presbyterians, his antagonist. Sir Anthony Ash-
ley Cooper, now smartly inveighs agair.ct them, and justifies the
principles and conduct of the Independents.
t His aversion or antipathy.
Ci Some editions read, ministered a dose.
II That is, thick skull, stupid head, from the Flemish, jobbq
insulsus, ignavus, and the Ang. Sax. cnoll, vertex.
ir This alludes to Ralph, who was charged with intention td
kill the king when imprisoned in the isle of Wight. Lord Cla-
rendon, vol. iii. p. 180, intimates that sergeant Wild, who was
sent to Winchester to try the prisoner, gave an unfair charge to
the jury, by saying : " There was a time indeed when intentions
"and Words were made treason ; but God forbid it should bs u«
412 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
Unless, because you drove him out,
And that was never made a doubt ;
No pow'r is able to restore 1025
And bring him in, but on your score ;
A sp'ritual doctrine, that conduces
Most properly to all your uses.
'Tis true, a scorpion's oil is said
To cure the wounds the vermin made ;* 1030
And weapons, dress'd with salves, restore
And heal the hurts they gave before :t
But whether presbyterians have
So much good nature as the salve,
Or virtue in them as the vermin, 1035
Those who have try'd them can determine.
Indeed 'tis pity you should miss
Th' arrears of all your services.
And for th' eternal obligation
Y' have laid upon th' ungrateful nation, 1040
B' us'd so unconscionably hard.
As not to find a just reward,
For letting rapine loose, and murther.
To rage just so far, but no further ;%
And setting all the land on fire, 1045
To burn t' a scantling, but no higher :
For vent'ring to assassinate.
And cut the throats of church and state ;
And not be aliow'd the fittest men
To take the charge of both agen: 1050
" now : how did anybody know but that those two men, Osborne
" and Doiicet, would have made away with the kins;, and that
" Ralph charged his pistol to preserve him." Perhaps the noble
historian here shows something of party spirit.
* Dr. Mead, in his Essay on Poisons, says, viper-catchers, if
they happen to be bitten by a viper, are so sure of being cured by
rubbing the fat upon the place, that they fear a bite no more than
they do the prick of a pin. The Doctor himself tried it upon
dogs, and found it a sure remedy. He supposes the fat to involve,
and, as it were, sheath the volatile salts of the venom. Prodesi
scorpius ipse sua; plags impositus. Pliny in his Natural History
29. '-'9.
t According to Sir Kenelm Digby's doctrine of sympathy.
i Though the Presbyterians began the war, yet they pretend-
ed Ihey had no thoughts of occasioning the bloodshed and de-
vastation which was consequent upon it. They intended to
bring the king to reason, not to murder him. But it happened to
them, as to the young magician in Lucian, who. by certain words
he had learned of his master, sent a fountain to fetch water ;
The poor scholar, however, not recollecting the words to make
il stop, the fountain went and fetched water without ceasing,
{ill it filled the house up to the windows. A similar ta'.e is ro
Lated in verse by several poets, both French and English.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 413
Especially that have the grace
Of self-aenyiiig gifted face ;
Who, when your projects have miscarry'd,
Can lay them, with iindauuted forehead,
On those you painfully trepaun'd, 1055
And sprinkled in at second hand ;
As we have heen, to share the guilt
Of christian blood, devoutly spilt ;*
For so our ignorance was flamm'd
To damn ourselves, t' avoid being damn'd J+ 106&
Till finding your old foe, the hangman.
Was like to lurch you at backgammon,t
And win your necks upon the sot,
As well as ours, who did but bet ;
For he had drawn your ears before, 1065
And nick'd them on the self-same score,
We throw the box and dice away,
Before y' had lost us at foul play ;
And brought you down to rook and lie,
And fancy only on the by ;§ 1070
Redeem'd your forfeit jobbernoles.
From perching upon lofty poles,
And rescu'd all your outward traitors,
From hanging up, like alligators ;|]
For which ingeniously ye 've sh£w'd 1075
Your presbyterian gratitude ;
Would freely have paid us home in kind.
* The war was bepnnand carried on by the Presbyterians with
a great show of godliness, for ihe sake of relij;ion,and '.i defence
of the gospel.
t To coniniit stich damnable sins as robbery, rebellion, and
murder, with a -,iew of keeping out Arminianisni, popery, &c.,
which we were made to believe were likely to overspread the
kingdom, and would be destructive to our salvation. Thus Mar-
tial, Epig. lib. ii. 80 :
Hostem cum fugeret, se Fannius ipse peremit
Hie, rogo, non furor est, ne moriare, niori 1
t Finding the king was likely to get the better of you, and
that we were all in danger of being hanged as traitors, we took
the war from your hands into our own management.
§ By-heU are bets made beside the game, often by standers-
by : the Presbyterians, from being principals in the cause, were
reduced to mai<e a secondary figure, and from playing the game
became lookers-on.
II Alligators were frequently hung up in shops of quacks,
druggists, and apothecaries. Thus Eomeo says of the Apothe-
lary:
And in his needy shop a tortoise hang,
An alligator stuft, and other skins
Of lll-shap'd fishes.
414 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
And not have been one rope behind.*
Those were your motives to divide,
And scruple, on the otiier side,t 1081
To turn your zealous frauds, and force,
To fits of conscience and remorse ;
To be convinc'd tiiey were in vain,
And face about for new again ;
For truth no more unveil'd your eyes, 10£5
Than maggots are convinc'd to flies ;t
\nd therefore all your lights and calls
Are but apocryphal and false.
To charge us with the consequences,
Of all your native insolences, 1090
That to your own imperious wills
Laid law and gospel neck and heels ;§
Corrupted the Old Testament,
To serve the New for precedent ;
* The Dissenters, when in power, were no enemies to perse-
cution. See Dissenters' Sayings, by Sir Roger L'Estrange, Second
Part, printed 1G81. Edwards, in his Full Answer, p. 244, says :
" A toleration of one or more different ways of churches and
"church government established, will be to tliis kingdom very
"mischievous, pernicious, and destructive." Eove, in his ser-
mon at U-tbridae, January 30, 1644, p. 20 : "I have often thought
" that too much mercy towards malignants hath made more de-
" linquents than ever justice punished." Marshall, to the com-
mons, February 23. 1641: "He is a cursed man tliat withholds
"his hand from shedding of blood; or shall do it, as Saul did
"against the Anialekites, kill some, and save some." And Bax-
ter, in his Preface to the Nonconf jrmists' Plea, "Liberty, in all
"matters of worship and of faith, is the open and apparent way
"to set up popery in the land." Calamy being asked, what he
would do with iho<e who differed from him in opinion, said,
"He would not meddle with their consciences, only with their
"persons and estates."
t He tells the Presbyterians, that their jealousy of the Indepen-
dents caused them to discontinue their exertions, not any convic-
tion of their having been in the wrong.
t The cliange was produced in them merely by the course of
their nature. The edition of 1710 reads :
Than maggots when they turn to flies.
$ Some persons have sought for a system of natural philoso-
phy in the Old Testament, ''inter viva quaerentes mortua," ai
Lord Bacon says: who wisely adds " lantoque migis hac vani
" tas inhibenda venit. et coercenda, quia ex divinoruni et huma
"noruni malesana admistione, non solum educitur philosophia
" pliantastica, sed etiam religio h^retica." Novum Organum,
sect. Ixv. Others have there found, or thought they found, the
Bublimest doctrines of Christianity. The famous Postellus ob-
served, that there were eleven thousand proofs of the Trinity
in the Old Testament, interpreted rightly, that is, cri-'fioXoyiyiJtwf,
(ca6€:z\ts-iK.ws.
Canto II.] HUDIBRAS. 416
T' amend its errors and defects, 1005
With murder and rebellion texts ;*
Of wliich there is not any one
In all the book to sow upon ;
And therefore, from your tribe, the Jews
Held christian doctrine forth, and use; tlOO
As Mahomet, your chief, began
To mix them in the Alcoran ;t
Denounc'd and pray'd, with fierce devotion,
And bended elbows on the cushion ;
Stole from the beggars all your tones, 1105
And gifted mortifying groans ;
Had lights where better eyes were blind.
As pigs are said to see the wind ;t
Fill'd Bedlam with predestination,
And Knightsbridge with illumination ;§ 1110
Made children, with your tones, to run for't.
As bad as Bloodybones or Lunsford.||
* The Presbyterians, he says, finding no countenance for their
purposes in the New Testament, took their measures of obedience
from some instances of rebellion in the Old. The Presbyterian
printer, who printed the seventh commandment. Thou shall
commit adultery, was heavily fined for his blunder.
t In his Pindaric Ode upon an liypocritical non-conformist,
Remains, vol. i. p. 1.35, Mr. ISatler says :
For the Turks' patriarcli, JIahomet,
Was the first great reformer, and the chief
Of th' ancient christian belief.
That mix'd it with new light and cheat,
With revelations, dreams, and visions.
And apostolic superstitions.
To be held forth, and carry'd on by war:
And his successor was a presbyter.
t Pigs have remarkable small eyes, and yet are said to be very
sagacious in foretelling wind and weatlier. Thus, in a poem
entitled Hudibras at Court, we read :
And now, as hogs can see the wind.
And storms at distance coming find.
This observation occurs three times in the books falsely called
the Posthumous Works of Wr. Samuel Butler, 4th edition, 1732.
Plutarch reni;»rks a jieculiarity in ]n»s' eyes. They are so situa-
ted and constructed, that tlie animal cannot look upwards, and
never hath a view of the heavens till he is thrown upon his
back, and tlien, clamorous as he is, astonishment and terror si-
lence liim in an instant.
$ At this village, near London, was a famous mad-house, to
which the poet alludes.
II Frightened children as mucli by your preaching, as if you
had told them the dismal story of Rawhead and Bloody-bones,
or had related to them the cruelties which you alTirm were
practised by Colonel Lunsford. Colonel Lunsford, killed at
Biistol, 1643, was a man of great sobriety, industry, and coinage
416 HUDIBRAS [Part m
While women, great with child, miscarrjr'd.
For being to maiignants marry'd :
Transfonn'd all wives to Daliiahs, 1113
Whose husbands were not for the cause ;*
but his enemies pointed him as a cruel brute. Sir Thomas
Lun-fiird \v;is iii.ule liemenant of the Tower liy the king, a little
before the beginning of the war: but afterwards removed by
him at the desire of the parliament. An order was made in
the parliament fur suppressing Lunsfordand Lord Digliy, though
at the same time all the cavalry they had was an hired coach
and si.\ horses. In the third act of Sir Robert Howard's comedy
of The Committee, tlie first bailiff' says :
O ! 'tis a bloody-minded man !
I'll warrant you this vile cavalier has eat many a child.
[Dr. Grey says : It was one of the artifices of themalecontents
in the civil war to raise false alarms, and to till the people full
of frightful apprehensions. In particular they raised a terrible
outer)' of the imaginary danger they conceived from the Lord
Digby, and Colonel Lunsford. Lilboiirn glories upon his trial, for
being an incendiary on such occasions, and mentions the tumult
he raised against the innocent colonel as a meritorious action;
" 1 was once arraigned," says he, " before the house of peers,
"for sticking close to the liberties and privileges of this nation,
" and those that stood for them, being one of those two or three
"men that tirst drew their swords in Westminster-hall against
"Colonel Lunsford, and some scores of his associates. At that
"time it was supposed they intended to cut the throats of the
" chiefest men tlien sitting in the house of peers." And to ren-
der him the more odious, they reported that he was of so brutal
an appetite that he would eat children, (Echard's History of
England, vol. ii. p. 28li,) which scandalous insinuation is de
servedly ridiculed in the following lines:
From Fielding, and from Vavasour,
Both ill-affected men ;
From Lunsford eke deliver us,
That eateth up children.
The Parliament Hymns, Collection of Loyal Songs,
vol. i. No. xvii. p. 38.
Cleveland banters them upon the siinie head :
The post that came from Banbury,
Riding in a blue rocket.
He swore he smw, when Lunsford fell,
A child's arm in his pocket.
And to make this gentleman the more detestable, they mads
horrid pictures of him, as we learn from the tiillowing lines of
Wr. Cleveland : Rupertismus, Works, 1(177, p. 07:
"They fear tire giblets of his train, they fear
" Even his dog, that four-legg'd cavalier;
" He that devours the scraps which Lunsford makes,
" WLose picture feeds upon a cliild in stakes."
Mr. Gayton, in banter of this idle opinion, (see Notes on Don
Quixote, book iii. chiip. vi. p. 103,) calls Saturn the very Luns*
ford of the deities.]
* If the husband sided not with the Presbyterians, his wifa
Canto uJ HUDIBRAS. 417
And turn'd the men to ten-horn'd cattle,
Because they came not out to battle ;*
Made tailors' 'prentices turn heroes,
For fear of being transforni'd to MeroZj'f 1120
And rather forfeit their indentures,
Than not espouse the saints' adventures:
Could transubstantiate, metamorphose,
And charm whole herds of beasts, like Orpheus ;t
Enchant the king's and church's lands, 1123
T' obey and follow your commands,
And settle on a new freehold.
As Marcle-hill had done of old :§
Could turn the cov'nant, and translate
The gospel into spoons and plate ; 1130
Expound upon all merchants' cashes.
And open th' intricatest places ;
Could catechize a money-box.
And prove all pouches orthodox ;
■was represented as insuiious and a betrayer of her country's
interest, such as Dalilah was to Samson and the Israelites.
Judges xvi.
* Resembled them to the ten horns, or ten kings, who gave
their power and strength to the beast. Revelation, xvii. 12.
See also Daniel vii. v. 7. A cnckold is called a horned beast;
a notorious cuckold may be called a ten-horned beast, there
being no beast known with more horns than the beast in vision.
t "Curse ye Meroz," said the angel of the Lord ; " Curse ye
"bitterly the inhabitants thereof; because they came not to the
" help of the Lord -against the mighty." Judges v. 23. This
was a favorite text with those who preached for the parlia-
ment : and it assisted them much in raising recruits.
J Mulcentem tigres, et agentem carmine quercus.
Georg. iv. 510.
§ Not far from Ledbury, in Herefordshire, toward the conflux
of the Lug and Wye, in the parish of Mnrcle, is a hill, which in
the year 1575 mo ;ed to a considerable distance. Philips in his
Cider, (p. 12, 1. 801, ed. Dunster,) speaking of Marcle-hill, says :
Deceitful ground, who knows but that once more
The mount may journey, and his present site
Forsaking, to thy neighbours' bounds transfer
The goodly plants, a(i()rding matter strange
For law debates
Camden, in his Life of Queen Elizabeth, book ii. p. 20, thinks
the motion was occasioned by an earthquake, which he calls
brasniatia; though the cause of it more probably was a sub-
terraneous current. Some houses and a chapel were over-
turned. I remember an accident of this kind which happe-"'
near Grafton, on the side of Bredon-hill. and another n
Broseley in Shropshire. A similar phenomenon was observed
at Fj'oge, in Judea, in the time of king Uzziah, and is recorded
by Josephus, lib. ix. cap. 11.
18*
418 HUDIBRAS. [Part iii.
Until the cause became a Damon, IJIS
And Pythias the wicked Miimmon.*
And yet, in spite of all your charms
To conjure legions up in arms.
And raise more devils in the rout
Than e'er y' were able to cast out, 1140
Y' have been reduc'd, and by those fools,
Bred up, you say, in your own schools,
Who, tho' but gifted at your feet,t
Have made it plain they have more wit,
By whom you've been so oft' trepanu'd, 1145
And held forth out of all command :
Out-gifted, out-impuls'd, out-done.
And out-reveal'd at carryings-on ;
Of all your dispensations worm'd,
Out-providenc'd and out-reforra'd ; 1150
Ejected out of church anci state,
And all things but the people's hate ;
And spirited out of th' enjoyments
Of precious, edifying employments,
* Until Mammon and the cause were as closely united, and
as dear friends as Damon and Pythias, two persons whose
friendship is celebrated hy Plutarch, Valerius Maxiunis, and
others. In Jamblichus's Life of Pythagoras, No. 234, this story
is related at length from Aristoxenus, wlio heard it from the
mouth of Dionysius himself, the tyrant concerned, after he was
dispossessed of the sovereignty, and became a schoolmaster at
Corinth. As it rests upon better authority than such narratives
in general can appeal to, it is here abridged for the amusement
of the reader. Though I must first observe, that the true name
of one of those friends was not Pythias, but Phintias. See
Porphyr. in vita Pythagoroe. ult. p. 53, ed. Knster. Tull. de Offic.
iii. 10, and Lactantius, v. 17. — The courtiers of Dionysius the
younger, tyrant of Sicily, contended in his presence that the
boasted virtues of the Pythagoreans, their determined spirit,
their apathy, their firmness in friendship, were all mere illusions,
which would vanish on the first ajipearance of danger or dis-
tress. To prove this assertion, they agreed to accuse Phintias,
one of the sect, of a conspiracy against the snvereign. He was
summoned before the tyrant, who informed him of the charge,
and to his great surprise added, that there was the fullest evi-
dence of his guilt, and he must die. Phintias replied, if it were
so, he would only beg the respite of a few hours, wLIle he
might go home and settle the common concerns of his friend
Damon and himself: in the mean time, Damon would be se-
curity for his appearance. Dionysius assented to the proposal ;
and when Damon surrendered himself the courtiers all sneered,
concluding that he was become the dupe of his own credulity.
But, on the return of Phintias in tlie evening, to release his bail,
and submit to his sentence, they were quite astonished ; and
none more than the tyrant himself, who embraced the illustrious
pair, and requested they would admit him to a share in theil
friendship.
t " Bred up at the feet of Gamaliel."
Canto ii.] IIUDIBRAS. 419
By those who lodg'd their gifts and graces, 1155
Like better bowlers, in your places :
All which 3'ou bore with resolution,
Charg'd on th' account of persecution ;
And tho' most righteously oppress'd,
Against your wills, still acquiesc'd ; 11 GO
And never humm'd and hah'd sedition,
Nor snuffled treason, nor misprision :
That is, because you never durst ;
For had you preach'd and pray'd your worst.
Alas ! you were no longer able 1163
To raise your posse of the rabble ;
One single redcoat sentinel
Outcharm'd the magic of the spell.
And, with his squirt-fire,* could disperse
Whole troops with chapter rais'd and verse. 117C
We knew too well those tricks of yours.
To leave it ever in your powers.
Or trust our safeties, or undoings,
To your disposing of outgoings.
Or to your ordering providence, 1175
One farthing's worth of consequence.
For had you pow'r to undermine,
Or wit to carry a design,
Or correspondence to trepan.
Inveigle, or betray one man ; 1190
There's nothing else that intervenes,
And bars your zeal to use the means ;
And therefore wond'rous like, no doubt,
To bring in kings, or keep them out :
Brave undertakers to restore, 118J
That could not keep yourselves in pow'r ;
T' advance the int'rests of the crown.
That wanted wit to keep your own.
'Tis true you have, for I'd be loth
To wrong ye, done your parts in both ; 1190
To keep him out, and bring him in.
As grace is introduc'd by sin :t
For 'twas your zealous want of sense,
And sanctify'd impertinence ;
Your carrying bus'ness in a huddle, 1195
That forc'd our rulers to new-model ;
Oblig'd the state to tack about,
And turn you, root and branch, all out ;
* His musket, so called in the tne spirit of burlesque,
t Thus Saint Paul to the Romans : " Shall we continue in sin
Uiat grace may abound 1"
420 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
To refonnado, one and all,
T' your great croysado general :* 120b
Your greedy slav'ring to devour,t
Before 'twas in your clutches' pow'r ;
That sprung the game you were to set.
Before ye 'ad time to draw the net :
Your spite to see the church's lands ISOA
Divided into other hands,
And all your sacrilegious ventures
Laid out in tickets and debentures:
Your envy to be sprinkled down.
By under-churches in the town ;t 1210
And no course us'd to stop their mouths,
Nor th' independents' spreading growths :
All which consider'd, 'tis most true
None bring him in so much as you,
Who have prevail'd beyond their pIots,§ 1215
* The parliament, that they misht not seem to continue the
war from any regard to their own interest and advantape, passed
a vote. Dereiiiber 9, 1644. to prevent the members of either house
from holding offices in the state. This w;is called the self-deny-
ing ordinance. The secret intention of it was to lessen the in-
fluence of the Presbyterians, which it soon effected, by depriving
Essex, their general, and many <iihers, of their employments.
He calls him their croisado general, because they pretended to
engage in the war chiefly on account of religion : the holy war
against the Turks and Saracens had the name of croisado, from
the cross displayed on the banners. The old annotator, and after
him Dr. Grey, tells u?, that the general here designed was Fair-
fax. But neither the scope of the poet, nor the truth pf history,
will admit of this application of the passage. For the person
who speaks is an Independent, and he tells the Presbyterian that
the Independents were obligeil to turn out the Presbyterians and
their general. This suits exactly with Essex, who altogether
espoused the Presbyterian interest ; and was laid aside, with the
rest of the Presbyterians, by the contrivance above mentioned.
Whereas Fairfax, though he thought himself a Presbyterian, as
Lord Clarendon says, was always linked with the Independents,
and executed their designs. He was first raised to the command
by the intrigues of Cromwell and Ireton. because they knew him
to be an easy man, one who would submit to their direction.
Neither is it true that Fairfax was dismissed. On the contrary,
he laid down his commission, though Cromwell, Whitelock, and
the heads of the party, desired him to keep his command, and a
solemn conference was held with him, the particulars whereof
may be seen in Whilelock's Memorial. The reader must con-
stantly remember, thcu it is an Independent here speaking, de-
fending his sect against the former speaker, who was a Presby-
terian.
t That is, letting yonr mouths greedily water.
t Your impatience under the disgrace of being out-preached
by the Independent teachers.
^ The plots of the royalists, I think, are here meant, though
In that sense the passage is not strictly grainmatical.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 421
Their midnight juntos, and seal'd knots ;
That thrive more by your zealous piques,
Than all their own rash politics.
And this way you may claim a share
In carrying, as you brag, tli' affair, 1220
Else frogs and toads, that croak'd the Jews
From Pharaoh and his brick-kilns loose,
And flies and mange, that set them free
From task-masters and slavery,
Were likelier to do the feat, 1225
In any indifF'rent man's conceit :
For who e'er heard of restoration.
Until your thorough reformation 'I*
That is, the king's and church's lands
Were sequester'd int' other hands : 1230
For only then, and not before.
Your eyes were open'd to restore ;
And when the work was carrying on.
Who cross'd it, but yourselves alone?
As by a world of hints appears, 12f>5
Ail plain, and extant, as your ears.t
But first, o' th' first : The isle of Wight
Will rise up, if you shou'd deny 't ;
Where Henderson and th' other masses,^
* The Independent here charges the Presbyterians with hav
ing no design of restoring the Iving, notwithstanding the merit
thev ;iiade of such intentions after the restoration, until they
weie turned out of all profit by sale of the crown and church
lands, and that it was not their loytilty, but their disappoint-
ment and resentment against the Independents, that made
them think of treating with the king.
t May be spoken in ridicule, because many of the Presby-
terians had lost their ears in the pillory. Or the poet may re-
collect his " long ear'd rout." In Dryden's Hind and Panther,
we have a similar allusion :
And pricks up his predestinating ears.
t That is, the other divines. Ministers in those days were
called masters, as they are at the 854th line of this canto. Omi
of this order would have been styled, not the reverend, but
master, or master doctor such an one; and sometimes, for
brevity's sake, and familiarly, mas; the plural of which, our
jioet makes masses See Ben Johnson, and Spectator, No. 147 *
Mr, Butler, in this place, must be charged with a small an-
achronism; for the irealy at the isle of Wight was subsequent
to the death of Henderson by the space of two years. The
divines employed there, were tMarshal, Vines, Caryl, Seaman,
Jenkyns, and Shurston : Henderson was present at the Uibridge
• Andrew Cant is there called Mas Cant.
t Carle says. Marshal, Vines, and two others. Stephen Marshal, he sayi,
was a bloody n:aii in all his prayers and lermons; and Mr. Vines a morfi
Cbri&tiau Bpurit, more .;»Klest, learued, pious, and rational in nis discouiBea.
432 HUDIBRAS. TPart in.
Were sent to cap texts, and put cases: 1240
To pass for deep and learned scholars,
Altho' but paltry Ob and SoUers :*
As if tli' unseasonable fools
Had been a coursinjf in the schools.t
Until they 'ad prov'd the devil author 1243
O' th' covenant, and the cause his daughter ;
treaty; anj disputed with the king at Newcastle when he was
.n the Scottish army. Soon after which he died, as some said,
of grief, because ho coald not convince the l<ing : but as others
said, of remorse, for having opposed him. According to these
last, while on his deathbed, he publislied a solemn declaration
to the parliament and synod of England, setting forth that
they had been abused with most false aspersions against fiis
majesty; and that they ought to restore him to his full rights,
royal throne and dignity, lest an endless character of ingratitude
lie upon them. Of the king himself, beside commending his
justice, magnanimity, and other virtues, he speaks in these
terms : " I do declare before God and the world, whether in re-
" lation to the kirk or state, I found his majesty the mj=t intel-
" ligent man that I ever spake with ; as far beyond my e.tpres-
"sion as expectation. I profess, I was oftentimes astonished
" with the quickness of his reasons and replies : wondered how
" he, spending his time in sport and recreations, could have at-
" tained to so great knowledge : and I must confess, that I was
" convinced in conscience, and knew not how to give him any
" reasonable satisfaction. Yet the sweetness of his disposition
" is such, th it whatever I said was well taken. I must say,
" that I never met with any disputant of that mild and calm
" temper, which convinced me, that his wisdom and modera-
" tion could not be without an extraordinary measure of divine
" grace. I dare say, if his advice had been followed, all the
"blood that has been shed, and all the rapine that has been
" conmiitted, would have been prevented." If it be true that
Henderson made this declaration, it will amount to the highest
encomium that could possibly be bestowed upon the king, par-
ticularly as coming from the mouth of an enemy.
* That is, although only coutemptible dabblers in school logic.
So in Burton's Melancholy, " A pack of Obs and Sellers." The
polemic divines of that age and stamp, filled the margins both of
their tracts and sermons with the words Ob and Sol; the one
standing for objection, the other for solution. Bishop Sanderson,
In I'is Concio ad Aulam, says — " The devil is an arrant sophister,
' and will not take an answer, though never so reasonable and
" satisfactory, but will ever have somewhat or other to reply. —
'So long as we hold us but to Ob and Sol, to argument and
'answer, he will never out, but wrangle ad infinitum." So we
say, pro and con. The old annotator's note on this passage is so
erroneous, as to shiw plainly that he could not be Butler.
t Coursing is a term used in the university of Oxford for some
exercises preparatory to a master's degree. They were dispuW-
tions in Lent, which were regulated by Dr. John Fell ; for before
his time, the endeavors of one party to run down and confute
another in disputations, did conmionly end in blows, and domes
tic quarrels, the refuge of the vanquished party. Wood's Alhea
vol. ii. p. 603. Hence, and from another passage or two, it has
been thought that Mr. Butler had received an academical educa-
Vott.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 433
For when they charg'd him with the guilt
Of all the blood that had been spilt,
They did not mean he wrought tli' effusion
In person, like Sir Pride, or Hughson,* 1250
Biit only those who first begun
The quarrel were by him set on ;
And who could those bo but the saints,
Those reformation termagants?
But ere this pass'd, the wise debate 255
Spent so much time it grew too late ;t
For Oliver had gotten ground,
T' enclose him with his warriors round ;
Had brought his providence about.
And turn'd th' untimely sophists out.t 1260
Nor had the Uxbridge bus'ness less
Of nonsense in "t, or sottishness ;
When from a scoundrel holderforth,§
The scum, as well as son o' the earth,
Your mighty senators took law, 1265
At his command were forc'd t' withdraw,
And sacrifice the peace o' th' nation
To doctrine, use, and application.
So when the Scots, your constant cronies,
Th' espousers of your cause and monies,|| 1270
* Pride was originally a drayman; hut at last became a famous
colonel in the parliament army, was knighted by Cromwell with
a fagot stick, hence in derision called Sir Pride, and made one
of his lords in parliament. Hughson was at first a shoemaker
or a cobbler, afterwards colonel in the parliament army, and one
of Oliver's lords of the upper house.
t The treaty at the Isle of Wight was appointed at the first
for forty days ; then continue.; for fourteen days longer, then for
four, and at last for one more By this artifice the king's ene-
mies gave Cromwell time to return from Scotland. Whereas it
had been the true interest and policy of all that desired peace
and a settlement of the kingdom, to have hastened the treaty
while the army was absent. — Lord Clarendon. During the treaty,
Cromwell and his offiaers frequently petitioned parliament to
punish delinquents. — Whitelock's Mem.
X Untimely, usually signifies premature, but here, unseason-
able.
^ Christopher Love, a furious Presbyterian, who preached a
jermnn at Uxbridge during the treaty held there, introducing
many reflections upon his majesty's person and government, and
stirring up the people against the king's commissioners. He was
executed in 1651 for treason, by means of Cromwell and the In-
dependents.
II The Scots, in their first expedition, 1640, had 300,000/. given
them for brotherly assistance, besides a contribution of 80OL a
day from the northern counties. In their second expedition,
1643, besides much free quarter, they had 19,700/. monthly, and
received 73,972/. in one year by customs on coals. The parlia-
424 HUDIBRAS, [Part m
Who had so often, in your aid,
So many ways been soundly paid,
Came in at last for better ends,
^ To prove themselves your trusty friends.
You basely left them, and the church 1273
They train'd you up to, in the lurch,
And sufFer'd your own tribe of christians
To fall before, as true Philistines.*
This shews what utensils y' have been.
To bring the king's concernments in ; 1280
Which is so far from being true,
That none but he can bring in you ;
And if he take }'ou into trust.
Will find you most exactly just,
Such as will punctually repay 128J»
With double int'rest, and betray.
Not that I think those pantomimes.
Who vary action with the times,
Are less ingenious in their art.
Than those who dully act one part ; 1290
Or those who turn from side to side.
More guilty than the wind and tide.
All countries are a wise man's home,+
And so are governments to some.
Who change them for the same intrigues 1295
That statesmen use in breaking leagues ;
While others in old faiths and troths
Look odd, as out-of-fashion'd clothes,
And nastier in an old opinion,
Than those who never shift their linen. 1300
For true and faitiiful 's sure to lose.
Which way soever the game goes ;
And whether parties lose or win.
Is always nick'd, or else hedg'd in :
While pow'r usurp'd, like stol'n delight, 1305
ment agreed with them for 400,000^ on the surrender of the
king. — Dugdale.
* The Scots made a third expedition into England, 1648, tinder
Dnke Hamilton, which was supposed to be intended for the
rescue of the king. They entered a fourth time under Charles
II., when the Presbyterians were expected to join them. Yet
the latter assisted Cromwell : even their preachers marched with
him ; thus sulfering Presbyterian brethren, a portion of the true
church, or true Israelites, to fall before the Independent army,
Whom they reckoned no better than Philistines.
t Omne solum forti patria est. Ovid.
Ibi esse jadicabo Romam, ubicunque liberum esse licebil, sayi
Brutus in a letter to Cicero.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 425
Is more bewitching than tlie right :
And wiien the times begin to alter,
None rise so high as from the halter.*
And so we may, if we 've but sense
To use the necessary means, 1310
And not your usual stratagems
On one another, lights, and dreams
To stand on terms as positive.
As if we did not take, but give :
Set lip the covenant on crutches, 1313
'Gainst those who have us in their clutches,
And dream of pulling churches down.
Before we 're sure to prop our own :
Your constant method of proceeding,
Without the carnal means of heeding, 1320
Who, 'twixt your inward sense and outward,
Are worse, than if ye 'ad none accoutred.
I grant all courses are in vain.
Unless we can get in again :t
The only way that's left us now, 1325
But all the difficulty's, how?
'Tis true we 've money, th' only power
That all mankind falls down before.
Money, tliat, like the swords of kings,
Is the last reason of all things -,1 1330
And therefore need not doubt our play
Has all advantages that way ;
As long as men have faith to sell.
And meet with those that can pay well ;
Whose half-starv'd pride and avarice, 1335
* 111 a conference between Mr. le President de Bellievre and
Cardinal de Retz, 1 will tell you, said the former, what I learned
from Cioiiivvell. 11 nie disoit un jour, que Ton ne nionloit ja-
mais si haul, que quaiid on ne sait oil Ton va. Vous savez, riis-
je a Bellievre, que j'ai horreur pour Cromwell ; mais, quelque
grand homme qu'on nous le prone, j'ajoute le niepris ; s'il est
de ce sentiment, il est d'an fou. De Retz ailds, that this conver-
sation came to Cromwell's ears; and that he had like to have
paid dearly in the sequel for the indiscretion of his tongue. —
Mem. de Reiz, vol. ii. lit), iii. p. 38.).
t When General Monk restored the excluded members, the
rumper>, perceiving they could not carry things their own way,
and rule as they had done, quitted the house.
i Diodorus Siculus relates, that when the height of the walls
of Amphipolis was pointed out to Philip, as rendering the town
impregnable, he observed, they were not so high but money
could be thrown over them. And (Cicero, in his second oration
against Verres, Nihil est tarn sanctum quod non violari, nihil
tani muniium quod non expugnari, pecunia possit. The niolta
upon the cannon of the king of France was, Ratio ultima regum
436 HUDIBRA8. [Part uv
Oae church and state will not suffice
T' expose to sale ;* besides the wagest
Of storing plagues to after ages.
Nor is our money less our own,
Than 'twas before we laid it down ; 134(1
For 'twill return, and turn t' account,
If we are brought in play upon 't.
Or but by casting knaves, get in,
What pow'r can hinder us to win ?
We know the arts we us'd before, 1345
In peace and war, and something more.
And by th' unfortunate events,
Can mend our next experiments :
For when we 're taken into trust,
How easy are the wisest chous'd, .350
Who see but th' outsides of our feats.
And not their secret springs and weights ;
And while they 're busy, at their ease.
Can carry what designs we please ?
How easy is 't to serve for agents, 1355
To prosecute our old engagements ?
, To keep the good old cause on foot, •
And present pow'r from taking root ;t
Inflame them both with false alarms
Of plots, and parties taking arms ; 1360
To keep the nation's wounds too wide
From healing up of side to side ;
* There i:; a list of above a hundred of the principal actors in
this rebellion, among whom the plunder of the church, crown,
and kingdom was divided ; to some five, ten, or twenty thousand
pounds ; to others, lands and offices of many hundreds or thou-
sands a year. At the end of the list, the author says, it was com-
puted that they had shared among themselves near twenty mil-
lions.
t They allowed, by their own order, four pounds a week to
each member ; each member of the assembly of divines was al-
lowed four shillings a day. Are the members of the National
Assembly in France better paid 1 (1793.) [Whether they were
better paid or not they certainly succeeded in storinrr plagues to
after ages, as well as partaking largely of them themselves. Lib-
erty and philanthropy in their mouths, — tyranny and blood in
their deeds, — they at last naturally succumbed to a military des-
pot, who in his turn fell under the avenging swords of injured
Europe. A Restoration follows, and now a new Revolution,
heing the First of the Second Series. — Comment va le nionde 1
Tout a la ronde.]
X General Monk and his party, or the committee of safety: for
we must understand the scene to be laid at the time when IMonk
bore the sway, or, as will appear by-and-by, at the roasting of
the rumps, when Monk and the city of London united against
tho rump parliament.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 427
Profess the passionat'st concerns
For both their interests by turns,
The only way t' improve our own, 1365
By deaUng faithfully with none ;
As bowls run true, by being made
On purpose false, and to be sway'd,
For if we should be true to either,
'T would turn us out of both together ; 1370
And therefore have no other means
To stand upon our own defence.
But keeping up our ancient party
In vigour, confident and hearty :
To reconcile our late dissenters, 1375
Our brethren, though by other venters ;
Unite them, and their different maggots.
As long and sliort sticks are in faggots,*
And make them join again as close.
As when they first began t' espouse ; 1380
Erect them into separate
New Jewish tribes in church and state ;t
To join in marriage and commerce, t
And only 'mong tliemselves converse,
And all that are not of their mind, 1385
Make enemies to all mankind :§
Take all religions in, and stickle
From conclave down to conventicle ;||
Agreeing still or disagreeing.
According to the light in being, 1390
Sometimes for liberty of conscience,
And spiritual misrule in one sense ;
But in another quite contrary.
As dispensations chance to vary ;
And stand for, as the times will bear it, 1395
All contradictions of the spirit :
* Vis xinila forlior. See ^sop's Fables, 17], ed. Oxen, and
Plu'arch (Je Garrulitate, ii. p. 511. Swift told this fable after the
ancients, with exquisite humor, to reconcile queen Ann's minis-
ter^.
t Miike them distinct in their opinions and interests, like the
Jews, who were not allowed to intermarry or converse with the
nations around them.
i The accent is here laid upon the last syllable of commerce,
as in Waller, p. 59, small edition by Fenton :
Or what commerce can men with monsters find.
5 The odium human! generis of Tacitus, and the non nionstra
re vias eadein nisi sacra colenti of the same author, are here al
luded to.
II That is, papists as well as non-conformists
428 HUDIBRAS, [Part m
Protect their emissaries,* empower'd
To preach sedition, and the word ;
And when they 're hamper'd by the laws,
Release the lab'rers for the cause, 1400
And turn the persecution back
On those tliat made the first attack,
To keep them equally in awe
From breaking, or maintaining law :
And when they have their fits too soon, 1405
Before the full-tides of the moon,
Put off their zeal t' a fitter season.
For sowing faction in and treason ;
And keep them hooded, and their churches,
Like hawks, from baiting on their perches ;t 1410
That wiien the blessed time shall come
Of quitting Babylon and Rome,
They may be ready to restore
Their own fifth monarchy once more.l
Mean-while be better ann'd to fence 1415
Against revolts of providence, §
By watching narrowly, and snapping
All blind sides of it, as they happen :
For if success could make us saints.
Our ruin turn'd us miscreants ;|| 1420
A scandal that would fall too hard
Upon a few, and unprepar'd.
These are the courses we must run,
Spite of our hearts, or be undone.
And not to stand on terms and freaks, 1425
Before we have secur'd our necks.
But do our work as out of sight.
As stars by day, and suns by night ;
All licence of the people own.
In opposition to the crown ; 1430
And for the crown as fiercely side,
The head and body to divide.
* Read, Protect their emissaires, as the French in three sylla-
bles, otherwise there is a syllable too much in the verse.
t From leing too forward, or ready to tal<e flight.
t In addition to the four great monarchies which have ap
peared in the world, some of the enthusiasts thought that
CJirist was to reign temporally upon earth, and to establish a
fifth monarchy.
§ The sectaries of those days talked more familiarly to Al
mighty God. than they dared to do to a superior oflicer : they
remonstrated with him, made him the author of all their wicked
machinations, and, if their projects failed, they said that Provi-
dence had revolted from them.
U Suppose we read, Turns us miscreants.
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 429
The end of all we first design'd,
And all that yet remains behind,
Be sure to spare no public rapine, 1435
On all emergencies that happen ;
For 'tis as easy to supplant
Authority, as men in want ;
As some of us, in trusts, have made
The one hand with tlie otiier trade ; 1440
Gain'd vastly by their joint endeavour,
The right a thief, the left receiver ;
And what the one, by tricks, forestall'd,
The other, by as sly, retail'd.
For gain has wonderful effects 1445
T' improve the factory of sects ;
The rule of faith in all professions.
And great Diana of th' Ephesians ;
Whence turning of religion's made
The means to turn and wind a trade. 1450
And though some change it for the worse.
They put themselves into a course.
And draw in store of customers,
To thrive the better in commerce :
For all religions flock together, 1455
Like tame and wild fowl of a feather :
To nab the itches of their sects,
As jades do one another's necks.
Hence 'tis hypocrisy as well
"Will serve t' improve a church, as zeal ; 1460
As persecution or promotion,
Do equally advance devotion.
Let bus'ness, like ill watches, go
Sometime too fast, sometime too slow ;
For things in order are put out 1465
So easy, ease itself will do 't :
But when the feat's design'd and meant,
What miracle can bar th' event ?
For 'tis more easy to betray,
Than ruin any other way. ! 478
All possible occasions start.
The weightiest matters to divert ;
Obstruct, perplex, distract, entangle.
And lay perpetual trains, to wrangle.*
* Exactly the advice given in Aristophanes to the satisage-
malcer turned politician, Equites, v. iJJ4. Many political charac-
ters, in the time of Oliver, seem to have followed it. Si quid in-
ter comitia disceptandum, quiesitis diverticulis, aut Snjectis Intel
430 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
But in affairs of less import, - 1475
That neither do us good nor hurt,
And they receive as little by.
Out-fawn as much, and out comply.
And seem as scrupulously just.
To bait our hooks for greater trust. 1480
But still be careful to cry down
All public actions, tho' our own ;
The least miscarriage aggravate.
And charge it all upon the state :
Express the horrid'st detestation, 14S&
And pity the distracted nation ;
Tell stories scandalous and false,
I' th' proper language of cabals,*
Where all a subtle statesman says.
Is half in words, and half in face ; 1490
As Spaniards talk in dialogues
Of heads and shoulders, nods and shrugs :
Entrust it under solemn vows
Of mum, and silence, and the rose,t
To be retail'd again in whispers, 1494
For th' easy credulous to disperse.
Thus far the statesman — When a shout,
Heard at a distance, put him out ;
And strait another, all aghast,
Rusli'd in with equal fear and haste, 1500
Who star'd about, as pale as death.
And, for a while, as out of breath, *
Till, having gathered up his wits,
Kstus disputandi scrupulis, ut rei determinatio in aliud tempus
destineretur procurabant. De regiis concessionibus usque ad
diem postrrum acriter disputatum est; iliim inierea scrupulos
neclunt, disseminant rixas, sciiidunt in diversum paries, longis-
que oiatiunculis tempus terunt oligarchichi et denincratiti.
* Mr. Butler has seldom been so inattentive to rhyme, as in
this and the following couplet.
t When any thing was said in confidence, the speaker in con-
clusion generally used the word mum, or silence. The rose was
considered by tlie ancients as an end)lem of silence, from its be-
ing dedicated by Cupid to Harpocrates, the god of silence, to en-
gage him to conceal the actions of his mother, Venus. Whence,
in rooms designed for convivial meetings, it was customary to
place a rose above the table, to signify that any thing there spo-
ken ought never to be divulged. The epigram says :
E-;t rosa flos Veneris, cujus quo facta laterent,
Harpocrati, matris dona, dicavit amor.
Inde rosam mensis hospes suspendit amicis,
Conviva ut sub ea dicta tacenda sciat.
A rose was frequently figured on the ceiling of rooms, both in
England and Germany
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 431
He thus began his tale by fits :*
That beastly rabble — tliat came down 1505
From all the garrets — in the town,
And stalls, and shop-boards — in- vast swarms,
With new-chalk'd bills — and rusty arms,
To cry the cause. — up, heretofore.
And bawl the bishops — out of door ; i51(»
Are now drawn up — in greater shoals,
To roast — and broil us on the coals.
And all the grandees — of our members
Are carbonading — on the embers ;
Knights, citizens, and burgesses — 1515
Held forth by rumps — of pigs and geese,
That serve for characters — and badges
To represent their personages.
Each bonfire is a funeral pile.
In which they roast, and scorch, and broil, 1520
And ev'ry representative
Have vow'd to roast — and broil alive :
And 'tis a miracle we are not
Already sacrific'd incarnate ;
For while we wrangle here, and jar, 1525
W are grilly'd all at Temple-bar ;
Some, on the sign-post of an ale-house.
Hang in effigy, on the gallows,t
Made up of rags to personate
Respective officers of state ; 1530
That, henceforth, they may stand reputed,
Proscrib'd in law, and executed.
And, while the work is carrying on.
Be ready listed under Dun,
That worthy patriot, once the bellows, 1535
And tinder-box of all his fellows ;t
* By this speaker is represented Sir Martin Noel, who, whil.
the cabal was sitting, brougtt news that the niinp parliament
was dismissed, the secluded members brought into the house,
and that the mob of London approved of the measure. Mr.
Butler tells this tale for Sir Martin with wonderful humor.
t For, or instead of, a gallows, would, perhaps, be a more cor
rect reading : it is better to hang the eiTigj' on the sign-post, than
the original on the lamp-iron.
t Uun was common hangman at that time, and succeeding
executioners went by his name, till eclipsed by squire Ketch.
But the character here dehneated was certainly intended for Sir
Arthur Hazlerig, knight of the shire, in the long parliament, for
the county of Leicester, and one of the five members of the
house of commons impeached by the king in the beginning of
that parliament. He brought in the bill of attainder against the
earl of Strafford, and the bill against episcopacy ; though tha
432 HUDIBRAS. TPart io.
The activ'st member of the five,
As well as the most primitive ;
Who, for hrs faithful service then.
Is chosen for a fifth agen : • 1540
For since tJie state has made a quint
Of generals, he's listed in't.*
This worthy, as the v/orld will say,
Is paid in specie, his own way ;
For, moulded to the life, in clouts, 1545
They 've pick'd from dunghills hereabouts,
latter was delivered by Sir Edward Deering at his procurement.
He also brought in the bill for the militia. Lord Clarendon says,
he was used like the dove out of the ark, to try what footing the
party could have for their designs. He was a hot-headed re-
publican, and made great disturbances afterwards in the parlia-
ment of Oliver and Richard. He was always ene of the rump ;
and a little before this time, when the committee of safety had
been set up, and the rump excluded, he had seized Portsmouth
for their use. It is probable that he might call Sir Arthur by the
hangman's name, either for some barbarous execution which he
had caused to be done in a military way, or for his forwardness
and zeal in parliament in bringing the royalists to e.xeciition,and
the king himself: for I find three addresses, which we may well
suppose were promoted by him : one from the garrisons of New
castle and Tinmouth, where Hazlerig was governor; another
from the mayor and aldermen of Newcastle ; and a third from
the county of Leicester, which Hazlerig represented; all of
them for the trial of the king. Dun, however, is sometimes put
for don or knight, as at line 110 of the next canto. Before
Monk's intentions were known, Hazlerig, in a conversation with
him, said, "I see which way things are going; monarchy will
"be restored; and then I know what will become of me."
"Pugh," replied Monk, "I will secure you for two-pence." In
no long time after, when the secret was out, Hazlerig sent Monk
a letter, with two-pence enclosed. This incident is mentioned
in the third volume of Lord Clarendon's State Papers, printed at
0.xford. Sir Arthur enlisted many soldiers, and had a regiment
called his Lobsters.
Without pretending that Butler had any view in this to the
ancients, it reminds me of the magnificent titles given to suc-
cessful generals. Fabius, I think, was called the shield, Mar-
cel lus the sword of Rome, and Scipio the thunderbolt of war.
Swift excelled in this species of humor:
Would you describe Turenne or Trump,
Think of a bucket or a pump.
* Quint, that is, a quontm of five. After the death of Crom-
well, and the de|)ositinn of Richard, when the rump parliament
M'as restoreil, lest any commander in-chief shwuld again usurp
the sovereignty, they resolved that their speaker should hold
the offices both of general and admiral, which for a time he did.
The government of the army was then put into the hands of
seven commissioners, of whom Hazlerig was one. And again
February II, 1659, Monk, Hazlerig, Walton, Morley, and Alured,
were appointed commissioners to govern the army. Whitelock'i
iwords are, " that Hazlerig did drive on furiously."
Canto ii.J HUDIBRAS 433
He's mounted on a hazel bavin*
A cropp'd malignant baker gave 'em ;t
And to the largest bonfire riding,
They 've roasted Cook already, and Pride m ;t 1550
On whom, in equipage and state.
His scare-crow fellow-members wait,
And march in order, two and two,
As at thanksgivings th' us'd to do ;
Each in a tatter'd talisman, 1555
"Like vermin in effigy slain.
But, what's more dreadful than the rest,
Those rumps are but the tail o' th' beast,
Set up by popish engineers.
As by the crackers plainly appears ; 1560
For none but Jesuits have a mission
To preach the faith with ammunition.
And propagate the church with powder ;
Their founder was a blown -up soldier.^
Those spiritual pioneers o' th' whore's, 1505
That have the charge of all her stores ;
Since first they fail'd in their designs,||
To take in heav'n by springing mines, •
And, with unanswerable barrels
Of gunpowder, dispute their quarrels, 1570
Now take a course more [)racticable.
By laying trains to fire the rabble.
And blow us up, in th' open streets,
* An hazel fajiot, such as bakers heat their ovens with.
t Pillory, and cioppinp the ears, was a punishment inflicted
on bakers who made short weifiht, or bad bread. The sectaries
called all those maliftnants who were not of their party,
{ Cook was solicitor at the kinsj's trial; he drew up a charge
against him ; and was ready with a formal plea, in case the
king had submitted to the jurisdiction of the court. The plea
was printed, and answered by Butler, in his Remains, (not the
genuine ones, vol. i. p. IIC.) Lord Clarendon allows him to
have been a man of abilities. His defence at his trial was bold
and manly, though not discreet or judicious. Pride has been
spoken of before. It was he who garbled the house of com-
mons, causing 41 members to be seized and confined, and deny-
ing entrance to IGO more ; several others being terrified declined
sitting, and left the house to about 150, who passed the vote for
.ne trial of the king. This expulsion was called Colonel Pride's
Purge, and was the besinning of the rump parliament.
$ Ignatius Loyola, founder of the Jesuits, was a Spanish gen-
tleman, and bred a soldier: wounded at the siege of Pampeluna
by the French in 152L
II Alluding to the gunpowder-plot, in the reign of James I.,
supposed to have been conducted by the Jesuits, and for which
Garnet and Oldcorn suffered.
19
434 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
Disg\iis'd in rumps, like sambenites,*
More like to ruin and confound, 1575
Than all their doctrines underground.
Nor have they chosen rumps amiss,t
For symbols of state-mysteries ;
Tho' some suppose, 'twaa but to shew
How much they scorn'd the saints, the few, 1580
Who, 'cause they 're wasted to the stumps,
Are represented best by rumps. t
But Jesuits have deeper reaches
In all their politic far-fetches ;
And from the Coptic priest, Kircherus, 1.585
Found out this mystic way to jeer us :§
For, as the Egyptians us'd by bees
T' express their ancient Ptolemies,|l
And by their stings, the swords they wore,
Held forth authority and pow'r ; 1590
Because these subtle animals
Bear all their int'rests in their tails ;
And when they 're once impair'd in that,
* Persons wearing the sambenito: a straight yellow coat
without sleeves, having the picture of the devil painted upon
it in black, wherein the officers of the inquisition disguise and
expose heretics alter their condemnation.
f The several pleasant arguments which follow, may be seen
in a prose tract of the author's, called a speech made at the
Rota. Remains, vol. i. page 3-30.
+ Lord Clarendon says, they were called the rump parlia-
ment, as being the fag end of a carcass long since expired :
they were reduced to less than a tenth part of their original
number.
$ The Christians in Egypt are called Coptics, from a city in or
near which many of them dwelt. [Dr. Nash settles the ques-
tion of Coptic very easily; but if the reader has any wish to
puzzle his brains in a research upon this. point, he has only to
turn to any work where ancient Egypt is treated of, and he will
immediately get into an etymological chase with Cupti, Giptu,
Gibbetu, .^gopthus, and King Cople, that will assure him good
sport and carry him far beyond the Doctor's city; as may be
seen from a glance at Todd's definition, — " Coptick, from Cop-
"tus, converted, by changing K intoG, into the Gr. Aiyunros."]
Athanasius Kircher, the Jesuit, wrote many books on the an-
tiquities of Egypt, one of them is called ODdipus Egyptiacus ;
'or which he says he studied the Egyptian mysteries twenty
years.
II As the Egyptians anciently represented their kings under
the emblem of a bee, which has the power of dispensing bene-
fits and inflicting punishments by its honey ana its sting, though
the poet attends principally to the energy which it bears in its
tail; so the citizens cf London signilicantly represented this
fag-end of a parliament by the rumps, or tail-parts, of sheep and
other animals: some editions read antique Ptolemies.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 435
Are banish'd their well-order'd state :
They thought all governments were best 1593
By hieroglyphic rumps exprest.
For, as in bodies natural,
The rump's the fundament of all ;
So, in a commonwealth or realm.
The government is called the helm ; 1600
With which, like vessels under sail,
They're turn'd and winded by the tail.
The tail, which birds and fishes steer,
Their courses with, thro' sea aud air ;
To whom the rudder of the rump is 1605
The same thing with the stern and compass,
This shews, how perfectly the rump
And commonwealth in nature jump.
For as a fly that goes to bed.
Rests with his tail above his head,* 1610
So, in this mongrel state of ours.
The rabble are the supreme powers,
That hors'd us on their backs, to show us
A jadish trick at last, and throw us.
The learned rabbins of the jews 1615
Write, there's a bone, which they call Iuez,t
* Several sorts of flies, having their fore leps shorter than
their hind legs, are generally seen at rest with their heads
downward.
t Eben Ezra, and Manasseh Ben Israel, taught, that there is
a bone in the rump of a man of the size and shape of half j^
pea; from which, as from an incorruptible seed, the Vifhole mm
would be perfectly tbrmed at the resurrection. Remains, vol.i.
p. 320. The rabbins found their wild conjectures on Genesis, c.
xlviii. V. 2 and 3, where Liiz seems to mean the name of a
place, not of a bone. "And Jacob said unto Joseph, God Al-
" mighty appeared unto. me at Luz, in the land of Canaan, am"
' blessed me, and said, Behold I will make thee fruitful, ana
" multiply thee, and 1 will make, thee a multitude of people,
" and will give this land to thy seed after thee for an everlasting
," Dossession." See more, Agrippa de occulta philosophia, 1. i.
c. 20. Buxtorf, in his Chaldean Dictionary, under the word Luz,
says, it is the name of a human bone, which the Jews look
upon as incorruptible. In a book called Breshith Rabboth, sect
28, it is said, that Adrian reducing the bones to powder, askeo
the rabbin Jehoshuanj,- (Jesuah the son of Hanniah) how God
would raise man at the day of judgment 7 from the Luz, replied
the rabbin: how do you know it 7 says .•\drian : bring nie one
and you shall see, says Jehoshuang ; one was produced, and al
methods, by fire, pounding, &c. tried, hut in vain. (French
note.) In the General Dictionary, art. Barchochebas, (or, th»
son of the star,) we read, that the Jewish authors suppose thai
Hadrian was in person in the war against the Jews, anil that he
besieged and took the city of Bitter, and that he then had this
conference with the rabbi. See Manasse Ben-Israel de Resn'-
/ectione, lib, ii. cap, l.'j.
136 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi
I' th' rump of man, of such a virtue,
No force iu nature can do hurt to ;
And therefore, at the last great day,
All th' other members shall, they say, 162C
Spring out of this, as from a seed
All sorts of vegetals proceed ;
From whence the learned sons of art,
Os sacrum justly stile that part :*
Then what can better represent, 1623
Than this rump bone, the parliament?
That after sev'ral rude ejections,
And as prodigious resurrections,
With new reversions of nine lives.
Starts up, and, like a cat, revives?! 1630
But now alas ! they 'ro all expir'd,
And th' house, as well as members, fir'd ;
* The lowest of the vertehrse, or rather the bone below the
vertebrae, is so called ; not for the reason wittily assigned by
our poet, but, as Bartholine says, because it is much bigger than
any of the vertebra?, — vel quod parlibus obscoenis, naturi ips^
occultatis, subjacet ; sacrum enim execrabile ; as in Virgil :
Auri sacra fames.
t The rump, properly so called, began at Colonel Pride's Purge
above-mentioned, a little before the king's death ; and had the
supreme authority about five years. Cromwell, Lambert, Harri-
son, &c., turned out the rump, April 2.3, 1653, and soon afterward
Cromwell usurped the administration, and held it almost five
years more. After Cromwell's death, and the deposition of his
srin Richard, the rump parliament was restored by Lambert and
other oiRcers of the army, the excluded members not being per-
mitted to sit. They began their meeting May 7, 1659, in number
about forty-two. On some animosities and quarrels between
them and the army, they were prevented again from sitting, by
Lambert and the officers, October 13, in the same year. After
this, the officers chose a committee of safety of twenty-three
persons. These administered the atiairs of government till
December 20, when, finding themselves generally hated and
slighted, and wanting money to pay the soluiers, Fleetwood and
the rest of them desired the rump to return to the exercise of
their trust. At length, by means of General Monk, about eighty
of the old secluded members resumed their places in the house ;
upon which most of the runipers quitted it. Mr. Butler, in his
Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 320, says, " Nothing can bear a nearer
"resemblance to the luz, or rump-bone of the ancient rabbins,
" than the present parliament, that has been so many years
"dead, and rotten under grounil, to any man's thinking, that the
" ghosts of some of the members thereof have transmigrated
"into other parliaments, and some into those parts from whencs
" there is no redemption, should nevertheless, at two several and
"respective resurrections start up, like the dragon's teeth that
" were sown, into living, natural, and carnal members. And,
" hence it is, I suppose, that the physicians and anatomists call
'this bone os sacrum, or the holy bone."
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 437
Consum'd in kennels by the rout,
With which they other fires put out ;
Condemn'd t' ungoverning distress, 1635
And paltry private wretchedness ;
Worse than the devil to privation,
Beyond all hopes of restoration ;
And parted, like the body and soul,
From all dominion and controul.* 1640
We who could lately, with a look.
Enact, establish, or revoke,
Whose arbitrary nods gave law.
And frowns kept multitudes in awe ;
Before the bluster of whose huff, 1645
All hats, as in a storm, flew off;
Ador'd and bow'd to by the great,
Down to the footman and valet ;
Had more bent knees than chapel mats,
And prayers than the crowns*of hats, 1650
Shall now bo sconi'd as wretchedly :
For ruin's just as low as high ;
Which might be sufFer'd, were it all
The horror that attends our fall :
For some of us have scores more large 1655
Than heads and quarters can discharge ;
And others, who, by restless scraping,
With public frauds, and private rapine,
Have mighty heaps of wealth amass'd.
Would gladly lay down all at last ; 1660
And, to be but undone, entail
Their vessels on perpetual jail.
And bless the devil to let them farms
Of forfeit souls, on no worse terms.
This said, a near and louder shout . 1665
t Put all th' assembly to the rout.
Who now began t' out-run their fear.
As horses do, from those they bear ;
But crowded on with so much haste.
Until they 'd block'd tiie passage fast, 1670
And barricado'd it with haunches
* These lines paint well the hiinyer and thirst after power in
ambitious minds. Aristotle's Politic, lib 3, relates the complaint
of Jason, that when he h:id not empire, he was famished, for
he knew not how to live as a private man. Commentators
think Tiberius alluded to this sayins; in his rebuke to Agrippina,
recorded by Tacitus, An. iw. 52, an J Suetonius in Tiberio, cap.
53. " What, child, because yon do not govern us all, do yoti
" think yourself wronged ;"
438 HUDlbRAS. [Part m
Of outward men, and bulks and paunches,
That with their shoulders strove to squeeze.
And rather save a crippled piece
Of all their crusli'd and broken members, lo75
Than have them grilly'd on the embers ;
Still pressing on with heavy packs
Of one another on their backs.
The van guard could no longer bear
The charges of the forlorn rear, 1680
But, borne down headlong by the rout.
Were trampled sorely under foot ;
Yet nothing prov'd so formidable.
As th' horrid cook'ry of the rabble :
And fear, that keeps all feelings out, 1685
As lesser pains are by the gout,
Reliev'd 'em with a fresh supply
Of rally'd force, enough to fly.
And beat a Tuscan winning horse.
Whoso jockey-rider is all spurs.* 1690
* Races of this kind are practised both in the Corso at Rome
and at Florence. At Rome, in the carnival, there are five or
six horses trained on purpose for this diversion. They are
drawn up abreast in the Piazza del Populo; and certain balls,
with little sharp spikes, are hung along their rumps, which serve
to spar them ou as soon as they be;:iu to run
PART III. CANTO III.
THK ARGUMENT.
The Knight and Squire's prodigious digb(
To quit th' enchanted bow'r by night.
He plods to turn his amorous suit,
T' a plea in law, and prosecute :
Repairs to counsel, to advise
'Bout managing the enterprise ;
But first resolves to try by letter,
Aod one more fair address, to get her.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO III*
Who would believe what strange bugbears
Mankind creates itself, of fears,
That spring, liko fern, that insect weed,
Equivocally, without seed,t
And have no possible foundation, 8
But merely in th' imagination?
And yet can do more dreadful feats
Than hags, with all their imps and teats ;
Make more bewitch and haunt themselves,
Than all their nurseries of elves. 10
For fear does things so like a witch, ,
* The Editor was much inclined to follow the plan of the
French translMtor, and place this hefore the preceding canto;
but he wiis afraid to alter the form which Butler himself had
made choice of, especiallyas the poet had taken the pains to re-
capitulate and explain the foregoing adventure, and bring it back
to the reader's nieinor.y.
t He calls it an insect weed, on the supposition of its being
bred, as many insects were thoncht to be, not by the natural
generation of their own kinds, but by the corruption of other
substances, or tjie spontaneous fecundity uf matter. This is call-
ed equivocal generation, in contradistinction to unequivocal, or
that which is brought about by a natural succession and deriva-
tion, from an egg, a seed, or a root, of the same animal or vege-
table. Plants of the cryptogamia class, ferns, mosses, flags, and
funguses, have their seeds and flowers so small as not to be
discernible; so that the ancients held them to be without seed.
Pliny, in his Natural History, says, Filicis duo genera, nee flo-
rerri habent, nee semen, (lib. x.wii. c. 9.) Rlr. Purliam says, the
capsulas are hardly a quarter so big as a grain of sand, and yet
may contain an hundred seeds. fOur ancestors, believing that
this plant produced seed that was invisible, concluded that those
who possessed the secret of wearing it about them would be-
come likewise invisible. See Henry IV. Part I.
Gads. We steal as in a castle, cocksure ; we have the
receipt of fzm-seed, we walk invisible.
Cliamb. Nay, by my faith ; I think, you are more beholden to
the night ]
Canto ni.] HUDIBRAS. 441
'Tis hard t' unriddle which is which ;
Sets up communities of senses,
To chop and change intelligences ;
As Rosicruciau virtuosi's 15
Can see with ears, and hear with nos&S •*
And when they neither see nor hear.
Have more than both supply'd by fear,
That makes them in the dark see visions,
And hag themselves with apparitions, 20
And, when their eyes discover least,
Discern the subtlest objects best ;
Do things not contrary alone,
To th' course of nature, but its own,t
The courage of the bravest daunt, 23
And turn poltroons as valiant :
For men as resolute appear
With too much, as too little fear ;
And, when they 're out of hopes of flying.
Will rim away from death, by dying ;t 30
Or turn again to stand it out,
And those they fled, like lions, rout.
* A banter on the marquis of Worcestpr's scantlings of inven-
tions. Edmund Somerset, marquis of Worcester, published, in
1663, a century of the names and scantlings of sucii inventions,
as, says he, "I can call to mind to have tried and perfected."
The book is a mere table of contents, a list only of an hundred
projects, mostly impossibilities; though he pretends to have dis-
covered the art of performing all of them. How uj make an un
sinkable ship— how to sail against wind and tide — how to fly —
how to use all the senses indifferently for each other, to talk by
colors, and to read by the taste — how to conve-ie by the jan-
gling of bells out of tune, &c. &c. For an account of the mar-
quis of VVo-cester, see Walpole's Catalogue of Noble Authors;
and Collins's Peerage, article Beaufort, where is that most ex
traordinary patent which Charles the First granted to the mar
luis. Panurge, in Rabelais, says: que ses lunettes lui faisoient
entendre beaucoup plus cluir. Shakspeare, in his Midsnnimer
Night's Dream, says, " He is gone to see a noise that he heard "
" This is an art to teach men to see with their ears, and hear
" with their eyes and noses, as it has been found true by expe-
"rience and demonstration, if we may believe th-^ history of the
" Spaniard, that could see words, and swallow music by holding
" the peg of a fiddle between his teeth, or him >hat could sing
"his part backward at first sight, which those that were near
"him might hear with their noses." Bailer's Bemains, vol. ii
p. 245. Our poet probably means to ridicule Sir Kenelm Digby,
and some treatises written by Dr. Bulvver, author of the Artifi-
cial Changeling.
t Suppose we read ;
but their own.
} Hostem dum fugeret, se Fannius ipse pe'emit,
Hie, rogo, non furor est, no moriare, mori.
Mart. lib. 2, Ep. 8a
19*
442 lIUblBRAS. [Part m.
This Hudibras had prov'd too trae,
Who, by the furies, left perdue,
And haunted with detachments, sent 35
From marshall Legion's regiment,*
Was by a fiend, as counterfeit,
Reliev'd and rescu'd with a cheat.
When nothing but himself, and fear,
Was both the imps and conjurer ;t 40
As by the rules o' th' virtuosi,
It follows in due form of poesie.
Disguis'd in all the masks of night.
We left our champion on his flight.
And blindman's buff, to grope his way, 45
In equal fear of night and day ;
Who took his dark and desp'rate course,
He knew no better than his horse ;
And by an unknown devil led,t
He knew as little whither, fled, 5C
He never was in greater need,
Nor less capacity of speed ;
Disabled, both in man and beast.
To fly and run away, his best :§
To 4ieep the enemy, and fear, 55
From equal falling on his rear.
And though, with kicks and bangs he ply'd,
The further and the nearer side ;
* Dr. Grey supposes that Ste[)hen Marshal, a famous preacher
amona the Presbyterians, is here intended. But the word mar-
shal, I am inclined to think, denotes a title of office and rank,
not the name of any particular man. Legion may, in this place,
be used for the name of a leader, or captain of a company of
devils, not the company itself. The meaning is, that the knight
w.ts haunted by a crew of devils, such as that in the Gospel,
which claimed the name of Legion, because they were many;
though it might be a devilish mortification to attend the sermons
of Dr. Burgess and Stephen Marshal, who are said to have
preached before the House of Commons for above seven hours
without ceasing.
t The poet, with great wit, rallies the imaginary and ground-
less fears which possess some persons : and from whence pro-
ceed the tales of ghosts and apparitions, imps, conjurers, and
witches. TuUy says, nolite enim putare — eos qui aliquid impie
scelerateque conuniserint, agitari et perterreri furiarum tsdis ar-
dentibus; sua quenique fraus, et suus terror maxime vexat:
suum quenique scelus agitat, anientiaque afficit : sum mala; co-
gitationes conscientia-que aiiimi terrenl. Hffi suntimpiis assidu®
domesticaique furia;. Pro S. Roscio, cap. .\xiv. The same thought
may be lound in the Athenian orator, .iEschines.
t It was Ralpho who conveyed the knight out of the widow'*
house, though unknown.
6 That is, to do his best at flying and running away, in order
to keep the enemy, and fear, from falling equally on his rear.
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 443
As seamen ride with all their force,
And tug as if they row'd the horse, 60
And when the hackney sails most swift,
Believe they lag, or run a-drift ;
So, tho' he posted e'er so fast.
His fear was greater than his haste :
For fear, though fleeter than the wind, 63
Believes 'tis always left behind.
But when the morn began t' appear,
And shift t' another scene his fear.
He found his new ofBcions shade.
That came so timely to his aid, 70
And forc'd him from the foe t' escape.
Had turn'd itself to Ralpho's shape.
So like in person, garb, and pitch,
'Twas hard t' interpret which was which.
For Ralpho had no sooner told 75
The lady all he had t' unfold.
But she convey'd him out of sight.
To entertain th' approaciiing Knight ;
And while he gave himself diversion,
T' accommodate his beast and person, 80
And put his beard into a posture
At best advantage to accost her,
She order'd th' anti-masquerade.
For his reception, aforesaid :
But, when the ceremony was done, 85
The lights put out, the furies gone.
And Hudibras, among the rest,
Convey'd away, as Ralpho guess'd,*
The wretched caiti'fF, all alone.
As he believ'd, began to moan, Qt
And tell his story to himself.
The Knight mistook him for an elf ;
And did so still, till he began
To scruple at Ralph's outward man.
And thought, because they oft' agreed 95
T' appear in one another's stead.
And act the saint's and devil's part,
With undistinguishable an.
They might have done so now, perhaps,
* It is here said tliat Ralpho guessed his master was conveyed
4way, and that he believed himself to be all alone when he had
made his lamentation : but this seems to l)e a slip of memory ia
the poet, for some parts of his lamentations are not at all appli-
ccble to his own case, but plainly designed for his master's hear
ing; such are v. 1371, &c. of Part iii. c. 1.
444 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
And put on one auotlier's shapes ; 100
And therefore, to resolve the doubt,
He star'd upon him, and cry'd out,
What art? my Squire, or that bold sprite
That took his place and shape to-night?*
Sone busy independent pug, lOi
Retainer to his synagogue ?
Alas ! quoth he, I'm none of those
Your bosom friends, as you suppose,
But Ralph himself, your trusty Squire,
Who 'as dragg'd your donship out o' the mire,t 110
And from th' enchantments of a widow.
Who 'ad turn'd you int' a beast, have freed you ;
And, Iho' a prisoner of war.
Have brought you safe, where now you are ;
Which you wou'd gratefully repay, 115
Your constant presbyteriaii way.t
That's stranger, quoth the Knight, and stranger,
Who gave thee notice of my danger ;
Quoth he, Th' infernal conjurer
Pursu'd, and took me prisoner ; 120
And, knowing you were hereabout,
Brought me along to find you out.
Where I, ui hugger-mugger hid,§
Have noted all tliey said or did :
And, tho' they lay to him the pageant, 125
I did not see him nor his agent ;
Who play'd their sorceries out of sight,
T' avoid a fiercer second fight.
But didst thou see no devils then?
Not one, quoth, he, but carnal men, 130
A little worse than fiends in hell,
And that she-devil Jezebel,
That laugh'd and tee-he'd with derisior
To see them take your deposition.
* Sir Hudihras, we rriMy remeniher, thnngh he had nn nbjectiott
to consult with evil spirits, did not speak of them with much
respect.
t The word don is often used lo sienify a knieht.
t Tlie poet still preserves the wrangling temper of the dissent-
ing brethren.
^ 'i'hiis Shakspeare, in Hamlet: " We have ilone but greenly
" in livffi;er-inii!rger to inter him, poor Ophelia." " All the mod
" em edition"," says Dr. Johnson. " give it, inprivate ; if phrase-
" ology is lo be changed, as words grow uncouth by disuse, or
"gross by vulcarity, the history of every language will be lost ;
"we shall no longer have tho words of any author, and as these
"alterations will often be unskilfully made, we shall in time
« have very little of his meaning."
Canto ni.] HUDIBRAS. 445
What then, quoth Hudibras, was he 135
That play'd the dev'l to examine me ?
A rallying weaver in the town,*
That did it in a parson's gown,
Whom all the parish take for gifted.
But, for my part, I ne'er believ'd it: 140
In which you told them all your feats,
Your conscientious frauds and cheats ;
Deny'd your whipping, and confess'd,t
* This line should begin a new paragraph, as it belongs to a
new and different speaker.
t It has been supposed that the person here meant was Wil-
liams, liishop of Lincoln, afterwards archbishop of York. Some
of his tracts seem to apologize for the dissenters.— Letter to the
Vicar of Grantham. — And Holy Table, name and thing ; against
placing the communion-table at the east end of the chancel, and
setting rails before it. He delivered the town and castle of Con-
wy* to the parliament, and had a jirivate conference with Prynne
and others : was certauily a violent opponent of Laud, and for
some time a favorite with the dissenters. Perhaps his great pas-
sion, pride, and vanity, failings, as my worthy friend Mr. Pennant
says, (Tour in Wales, vol. ii. p. 295.) to which his countrymen
are often subject, might have occasioned him to espouse the in-
terest of the dissenters, in order to show his resentment to Laud
and Wren. In the same spirit he is lhoui;ht to have delivered
Conwy to General Mytton, because he had been superseded in
the custody of that place by Prince Rupert. In the Gentleman's
Magazine lor October, 1789, is a letter from Oliver Cromwell to
Archbishop Williams, from vv'hich it appears that there was a
pood understanding between them. The date is September 1,
1647. Others have imagined that this ptissace alludes to Gra-
ham, bishop of Orkney, or Adair, bishop of Kilala. In Keith's
Lives of the Scottish Bishops, the former, we read, was translated
from Dunblane to Orkney; which see he held from 1615 to 1638.
He was very rich, and being threatened by the assembly of Glas-
gow, he renounced his episcopal function ; and in a letter to that
assembly declared his unfeigiled sorrow and grief for having ex-
ercised so sinful an office in the church. In the Catalogue of
the Bishops of Scotland to 1688, Edin. 1755, occurs Alexander
Lindsay, who continued in the see of Dunkeld till 1638, when
he renounced his office, abjured episcopacy, submitted to Pres-
byterian parity, and accepted from the then rulers his former
church of St. Mado's. In the opiniim of others this reflection
was designed for Croft, bishop of Hereford ; who, though he
could not have been directly intended by the squire, might, per-
haps, be obliquely glanced at by the poet. In 1675, two or three
years before the publication of this part of the poem, came out
a pamphlet by an anonymous writer, but generally attributed to
the bishop of Hereford, called. The naked Trvtk. a title which
gives a striking air of probability to the supposition. In this
piece the distinction of the three orders of the church is flatly
denied, and endeavored to be disproved : the surplice, bowing to-
wards the altar, kneeling at the sacrament, and other ceremonies
of the church are condemned ; while most of the pleas for non
* Coow; signifies the irsl or chief of w&Un
446 HUDIBRAS. [Paki iu
The naked trutli of all the rest,
More plainly than the rev'rend writer 145
That to our churches veil'd his miter ;
All which they took in black and white,
And cudgell'd me to underwrite.
What made thee, when they all were gone,
And none but thou and I alone, 150
To act the devil, and forbear
•To rid me of ray hellish fear ?
Quoth he, I knew your constant rate,
And frame of sp'rit too obstinate.
To be by me prevail'd upon, 155
With any motives of my own ;
And therefore strove to counterfeit
The dev'l awhile, to nick your wit ;
The devil that is your constant crony,
That only can prevail upon ye ; 160
Else we might still have been disputing.
And they with weighty drubs confuting.
The Knight, who now began to find
They 'd left the enemy behind,
And saw no further harm remain, 165
But feeble weariness and pain,
Perceiv'd, by losing of their way.
They 'ad gain'd th' advantage of the day.
And, by declining of the road.
They had, by chance, their rear made good ; 170
He ventur'd to dismiss his fear.
That parting's wont to rant and tear,
And give the desp'ratest attack
To danger still behind its back :
For having paus'd to recollect, 175
And on his past success reflect,
T' examine and consider why.
And whence, and how, he came to fly.
And when no devil had appear'd,
What else it could be said he fear'd, 180
It put him in so fierce a rage.
He once resolv'd to re-engage ;
Toss'd, like a foot-ball, back again
confori»ists are speciously and zealously supported. This pam-
phlet tell not within the compass of time comprised in the
poem; but Mr. Butler might think proper to hint at it, because
it made a great noise, and was much talked of. Andiew Mar-
vell, in his Rehearsal Transprosed, says, it Is written with the
pea of an angcl.
Canto iii.J HUDIBRAS. 447
With shame, and vengeance, and disdain.*
Quoth he. It was thy cowardice, 183
Tiiat made me from this leaguer rise,
And when I'd half reduc'd the place.
To quit it infamously base.
Was better cover'd by the new
Arriv'd detachment, than I knew ;+ • 100
To slight my new acquests, and run,
Victoriously, from battles won ;
And, reck'ning all I gain'd or lost.
To sell them cheaper than they cost ,
To make me put myself to flight, 195
And, conqu'ring, run away by night ;
To drag me out, which th' haughty foe
Durst never have presum'd to do ;
To mount me in the dark, by force.
Upon the bare ridge of my horse, 800
Expos'd in querpo to their rage,
Without my arms and equipage ;t
Lest, if they ventur'd to pursue,
I might th' unequal fight renew ;
And, to preserve my outward man, 205
Assum'd my place, and led the van.
All this, quoth Ralph, I did, 'tis true,
Not to preserve myself, but you :
You, who were damn'd to baser drubs
Than wretches feel in powd'ring tubs,§ 210
* aestuat ingens
Uno in corde pudnr, inixtoque insania luctu,
Et furiis agitatus auior, et conscia virtus.
. • ./Eneis x. 870.
t Here seems a defect in coherency and syntax. The Knight
means, that it was dishonorable in him to quit the siege, esj^-
cially when reinforced liy the arrival of the Squire.
t Qu^rpu, from the Spanish cuerpo, corpus, here signifies a
waistcoat, or close jacket, Butler, in MS. Common-place book,
says, all coats of arms were defensive, and worn upon shields ;
though the ancient use of them is now given over, and men fight
in querpo. See Junii Etymolog. to fight in buff. [" Boy, my
"cloak and rapier; it fits not a gentleman of my rank to walk
the strect<= in querpo." Beaumont and Fletcher. — Love's Cure
ii. I.]
§ The poet often leaves room for various conjectures. Critics,
to explain this passage, have thought of the Dutch punishment
of pumping: of the Salpetriere prison at Paris: of the martyrs
ground in a mill : but I believe il alludes to the old method ot
attempting to cure the venereal disease by siidorifics, mentioned
under the words sweating-lanthorns — to preserve you from the
blows or pains (the cause for the eflfect) more severe than those
which venereal patients suffer by the awkward attempt to cure,
before the use of met .rury, which was not much known befora
448 HUDIBRAS. TPart la
To mount two-wheel'd carroches, worse
Tliaii managing a wooden horse ;*
Dragg'd out thro' straiter holes by th' ears,
Eras'd or coup'd for perjurers ;f
Who, tho' th' attempt had prov'd in vain, 213
Had had no reason to complain ;
But, since It prosper'd, 'lis unhandsome
To blame the hand that paid your ransom,
And rescu'd your obnoxious bones
From unavoidable battoons. 22(1
The enemy was reinforc'd,
And we disabled and unhors'd,
Disarm'd, unqualify'd for fight,
And no way left but hasty flight.
Which, tho' as desp'rate in th' aftempt,t 225
Has giv'n you freedom to condemn 't.
But were our bones in fit condition
To reinforce the expedition,
'Tis now.imseasonable and vain,
To think of falling on again : 230
No martial project to surprise
the restoration : Butler is so loose in his grammatical constrtic-
tion, that piiwiiering may allude to drubs, and signify violent, as
at V. 1055 of this canto :
I^aid on in haste with such a powder.
That blows grew louder and still louder.
The preacher's pulpit is often called a tub. and sonfietimes a
sweatin!»-tub, from the violence of action when the preacher
thumped the cushion like a drum. In a ballad ftlsely ascribed
to Butler, called Oliver's Court, Posthumous Works, vol. ii.
p. 240 :
If it be one of the en;»n^ tribe,
Both a Pharisee and a scribe.
And hath learn'd the sniveling tone
Of a fluxt devotion.
Cursing from his sweatinff-tub.
Perhaps it would be better, if in the first line we read, cantitig
tribe. See P. ii. c. iii. v. 759, note.
* Carroche properly signifies coach, from the French carrosse ;
but in burlesque it is a cart, particularly that in which convicts
are carried to execution. Riding the wooden-horse was a pun-
ishjnent inflicted on soldiers. That is, you who was damned, or
condemned to be dragged, &c.
t Erased, in heraldry, is when a member seems forcibly torn,
or plucked ofT from the body, so that it looked jagged like the
teeth of a saw; it is used in contradistinction to couped, which
signifies a thing cut of}' clean and smooth. Set in the pillory,
and coupeil, from the French coupj, cropped. The knight hiid
Incurred the guilt of perjury.
X Suppose we read :
Which, tho' Hwas desp'rate
Canto inj HUDIBRAS 449
Can ever be attempted twice ;*
Nor cast design serve afterwards,
As gamesters tear their losing cards.
Beside, our bangs of man and beast 235
Are fit for nothing now but rest,
And for a while will not be able
To rally and prove serviceable :
And therefore I, with reason, chose
This stratagem t' amuse our foes, 840
To make an hon'rable retreat.
And wave a total sure defeat:
For those that fly may fight again.
Which he can never do that 's slain.t
Hence timely running 's no mean part 245
Of conduct, in the martial art.
By which some glorious feats achieve.
As citizens by breaking thrive.
And cannons conquer armies, while
They seem to draw off ^nd recoil ; 250
Is held the gallant'st course, and bravest,t
To great exploits, as'well as safest ;
That spares th' expense of time and pains,
And dang'rous beating out of brains ;
And, in the end, prevails as certain 255
As those that never trust to fortune ;
But make their fear do execution
Beyond the stoutest resolution ;
As earthquakes kill without a blow,
And, only trembling, overthrow. 2G0
* A coup (is main, or project of taking by surprise, if it dees
not succeed at first, ou^ht not to be persevered in. Non licet bis
peccare, is a known military maxim.
t Deniostlienes justified liis flight from the battle of C'hoeronea
by the same argument.
'Avijp & (ptvyoiv Kai 7ra^lv nnx'ii'iTai.
It is an iambic from some poet, Anlus Gellius, Noct. Attic, lib
17. 21. Dr. Jortin, in his Tracts, would read,
'Avfip 6 ipcuyiav Koi nd\iti yi (ptv^crai.
He who has an inclination to read more concerning this Senarius
proverbialis quo monemur non protinus abjicere animum, siquid
parum feliciter successerit, nam victos posse vincere : proinda
Hoinerus, &c., may consult Erasm. Adagia. — The Satyre M«,uip-
p6e has the idea thus expressed :
Sou vent celuy qui demenre
Est cause de son meschef,
Celuy qui fuit de bonne heuio
Pent combattre derechef.
t In some editions we read :
'Tis h^'ld the gallant'st-^
4S0 HUDIBRAS. [Partki
If til' aiicieuts crown'd their bravest men
That only sav'd a citizen,
What victory cou'd e'er be won.
If ev'ry one would save but one ?
Or fight endanger'd to be lost, 865
Were all resolve to save the most ?
By this means, when a battle's won,
The war's as far from being done ;
For those that save themselves and fly,
Go halves, at least, i' th' victory ; 27(i
And sometime, when the loss is small,
And danger great, they challenge all ;
Print new additions to their feats.
And emendations in gazettes ;
And when, for furious haste to run, 87S
They durst not stay to fire a gun.
Have done 't with bonfires, and at home
Made squibs and crackers overcome ;
To set the rabble on a flame,
And keep their governors from blame, 28B
Disperse the news the pulpit tells,*
Coufirm'd with fire- works and with bells :
And tho' reduc'd to that extreme,
They have been forc'd to sing Te Deura :
Yet, with religious blasphemy, 285
By flattering heav'n with a lie ;
And, for their beating, giving thanks,
They 've rais'd recruits, and fiU'd their ranks ;t
* "In their sermons," says Burnet, "and chiefly in their
" prayers, all that passed in the state was canvassed. Men were
" as good as named, and either recommended or complained of to
" God, as they were odious or acceptable to them. At length
" this humor grew so petulant, that the pulpit was a scene of
"news and passion."
t It has been an ancient and very freq tent practice for the
vanquished party in war to boast of victory, and even to ordain
solemn thanksgivings, as means of keeping up the spirits of the
people. The parliament often had recourse to this artifice, and
in the course of the war had thirty-five thanksgiving days. In
the first notable encounter, at Wickfield near Worcester, Sep-
tember 23, 1G42, their forces received a total defeat. Whitelock
says, they were all killed or routed, and only one man lost on
the king's side. Yet the parliamentarians spread about printed
papers bragging of it as a complete victory, and ordained a special
thanksgiving in London. This they did after the battle of Keyn^
ton, and the second fight at Newbery ; but particularly when
Sir William Waller received that great defeat at Roundway-
down, they kept a thanksgiving at~Gloucester, and made re-
joicings for a signal victory, which they pretended he had gained
for them. This was no new practice. See Polyaeni Stratagem,
lib. 1. cap. 35, and 44. — Stratocles persuaded the Athenians to
Camto III.] HUDIBRAS. 451
For tliose who run from tli' enemy,
Engage them equally to fly ; 290
And when the fight becomes a chace,
Those win the day that win the race ;*
And that which would not pass in fights.
Has done the feat with easy flights ;t
Recover'd many a desp'rate campaign 295
With Bourdeaux, Burgundy, and Champaign ;
Restor'd the fainting high and mighty,
With brandy-wine, and aquavitse ;
And made them stoutly overcome
With bacrack, hoccamore and mum ;t 300
Whom th' uncontroll'd decrees of fate
To victory necessitate ;
With whicl), altlio' they run or bum,§
They unavoidably return ;
Oi else their sultan populaces 305
Still strangle all their routed bassas.|l
Quoth Hudibras, I understand
What fights thou mean'st at sea and laiid,
And who those were that run away,
And yet gave out th' had won the day ;'ir 310
offer a sacrifice to the gods, by way of thanks, on account of
their having defeated their enemies, and yet he knew that the
Athenian fleet had been defeated. When the trath was known,
and the people exasperated, his reply was, " What injury have
" I done you ? it is owing to me that you have spent three days
" in joy." — Catherine of Medicis was used to say, that a false
report, if believed for three days, might save a state. — See many
stories of the same kind in the General Dictionary, vol. x. p. 337.
* An old philosopher, at a drinking match, insisted that he
had won tlie prize because he was first drunk.
t Dolus an virtus quis in hoste requirit.
+ The first is an excellent kind of Rhenish wine, so called
from a town of that name in the lower Palatinate. [Bacharach.
Henry Stephens preferred this wine to every other.] Heylin de-
rived the name of bacrack from Bacclii ara. [It was an ancient
tradition.] Hoccamore is what we call old hock. Mum is a
liquor used in Germany, and made, as I am told, from wheat
malted.
^ That is, though they run away, or their ships are fired. See
V. 308.
II The mob, like the sultan or grand seignior, seldom fail to
strangle any of their commanders, called bassas, if they prove
unsuccessful. Thus Waller was neglected after the battle of
-Roundaway-down, called by the wits Runaway-down.
IT The poet.might farther have illustrated this subject, if he
had known the contents of an essay lately published by Mr.
Maclaurin, to prove that Troy really was not taken by the
Greeks. See the Transactions of the Royal Society of Edin-
burgh: this whim is as old as Dio Chrysostom, who wrote an
elaborate tract, still extant, to demonstrate his Faradoi.
453 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Although the rabble sous'd them for 't.
O'er head and ears, in rnud and dirt.
Tis true our modern way of war
Is grown more politic by far,*
But not so resolute and bold, 315
Nor ty'd to honour, as the old.
For now they laugli at giving battle,
Unless it be to herds of cattle ;
Or fighting convoys of provision,
Tlie whole design o' th' expedition, 320
And not with downright blows to rout
The enemy, but eat them out :
As fighting, in all beasts of prey,
And eating, are perform'd one way,
To give defiance to their teeth, 325
And fight their stubborn guts to death ;
And those achieve the high'st renown,
That bring the other stomachs down.
There's now no fear of wounds nor maiming.
All dangers are reduc'd to famine, 330
And feats of arms to plot, design.
Surprise, and stratagem, and mine :
But have no need nor use of courage,
Unless it be for gloiy, or forage :
For if they fight 'tis but by chance, 335
When one side vent'ring to advance.
And come uncivilly too near.
Are charg'd unmercifully i' th' rear.
And forc'd, with terrible resistance,
To keep hereafter at a distance, 340
* Mr. Butler's JIS. Common-place book has the following
ines"
For fighting now is out of mode,
And stratageni's the only road ;
Unless in th' out-of fashion wars,
Of baih'roiis Turks and Polanders.
All feats of arms are now reduc'd
To chousing, or to being chous'd ;
They fight not now to overthrow.
But gall or circumvent a fne.
And watch all small advantages
As if they fought a game at chess ;
And he's approv'd the most deserving
Who longest can hold out at starving.
Who makes best fricasees of cats,
Of frogs and , and mice and rats ;
Pottage of vermin, and ragoos
Of trunks and boxes, and old shoes.
And those who, like th' immortal gods.
Do never eat, have still the odds.
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 453
To pick out ground t' encamp upon,
Where store of largest rivers run,
Tliat serve, instead of peaceful barriers,
To part th' engagements of their warriors ;
Where both from side to side may skip, 34S
And only encounter at bo-peep :
For men are found the stouter-hearted,
The certainer they're to be parted.
And therefore post themselves in bogs,
As th' ancient mice attack'd the frogs,* 35(
And made their mortal enemy,
The water-rat, their strict ally.t
For 'tis not now, who's stout and bold ?
But, \yho bears hunger best, and cold ?+
And he's approv'd the most deserving, 353
Who longest can hold out at starving ;
And he that routs most pigs and cows.
The formidablest man of provvess.§
So th' emperor Caligula,
That triumph'd o'er the British sea,|| 360
Took crabs and oysters prisoners.
And lobsters, 'stead of cuirassiers, IT
Engag'd his legions in fierce bustles
With periwinkles, prawns, and muscles.
And led his troops with furious gallops, 365
* Alluding to the poem on the battle between the Mice and
the Frogs attributed to Homer.
t The Dutch, who seemed to favor the parliamentarians.
i An ordinance was passed March 26. 1()44, for the contribu-
tion of one meal a week toward the charge of the army.
§ A sneer, perhaps, on Venables and I'en, who were unfor-
tunate in their e.\pedition against the Spaniards at St. Domingo,
in the year 10.55. It is observed of them, that they exercised
their valor only on horses, asses, and such like, making a
slaughter of all they met, greedily devouring skins, entrails, and
all, to satiate their hunger. See Harleian Miscellany, vol. iii.
No. xii. pp. 494, 498.
11 Caligula, having ranged his army on the sea-shore, and dis-
posed his instruments of war as if he was just going to engage,
while every one wondered what he designed to do, on a sudden
ordered his men to gather up the shells on the strand, and to fill
their helmets and their bosoms with them, calling them the spoils
of the conquered ocean. Suetonius in vila Caligula;.
IT Sir Arthur Hazelrig had a regiment called his lobsters; it
has been thought by some, that the defeat at Koundaway-down
was owing to the ill-behavior of this regiment. Cleveland, in
"lis character of a London diurnal, says, " This is the William
"which is the city's champion, and the diurnal's deligly. Yet
"in all this triumph, translate the scene but to Roundaway-
" down, there Hazelrig's lobsters were turned into crabs, and
crawled backwards "'
454 HUDIBRAS. [Partui.
To charge whole regiments of scallops ;
Not like their ancient way of war,
To wait on his triumphal car ;
But when he went to dine or sup,
More bravely ate his captives up, 376
And left all war, by his example,
Reduc'd to vict'ling of a camp well.
Quoth Ralph, By all that you have said,
And twice as mucli that I cou'd add,
'Tis plain you cannot now do worse 375
Than take this out-of-fashion'd coui-se ;
To hope, by stratagem, to woo her,
Or waging battle to subdue her;
Tho' some have done it in romances,
\nd bang'd them into am'rous fancies ; 380
As those who won the Amazons,
By wanton drubbing of their bones ;
And stout Rinaldo gain'd his bride*
By courting of her back and side.
But since those times and feats are over, 385
They are not for a modern lover.
When mistresses are too cross-grain'd,
By such addresses to be gain'd ;
And if tliey were, would have it out
With many another kind of bout. 390
Therefore I hold no course s' infeasible.
As this of force, to win tiie Jezebel,
To storm her heart by tli' antic charms
Of ladies errant, force of arms ;
But rather strive by law to win her, 393
And try the title you have in her.
Your case is clear, you have her word,
And me to witness the accord :t
Besides two more of her retinue
To testify what pass'd between you ; 400
More probable, and like to hold,
Tlian hand, or seal, or breaking gold,t
For which so many that renounc'd
Their plighted contracts have been trounced,
* See the interview between Rinaldo and Armida, in the last
book of Tasso. Or perhaps the pnet, quotin<; by memory, mis-
took tlie name, and intended to have mentioned Ruggiero in
Ariosto.
t Ral^ho, no doubt, was ready to witness any thing that would
serve his turn; and hoped the widow's two attendants would do
(he same.
X See note on P. li. c. 1. 1. 585.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 455
And bills upon record been found, 403
That forc'd tbe ladies to compound ;
And that, unless I miss the matter,
Is all the business you look after.
Besides, encounters at the bar
Are braver now than those in war, 410
In which the law does execution,
With less disorder and confusion ;
Has more of honour in 't, some hold,
Not like the new way, but the old,*
When those the pen had drawn together,t 415
Decided quarrels with the feather.
And winged arrows kill'd as dead.
And more than bullets now of lead :t
So all their combats now, as then.
Are manag'd chiefly by the pen ; 420
That does the feat, with brave vigours,
In words at length, as well as figures ;
Is judge of all the world performs
In voluntary feats of arms,
And whatsoe'r 's atchiev'd in fight, 425
Determines which is wrong or right ;
For whether you prevail, or lose.
All must be try'd there in the close ;§
And therefore 'tis not wise to shun
What you must trust to ere ye 've done. 430
The law that settles all you do.
And marries where you did but woo ;
That makes the most perfidious lover,
A lady, that's as false, recover ;||
And if it judge upon your side, 435
* The poet's ideas crowd so fast upon him, that he is not al-
ways quite intelligible at first reading. Ralpho persuades the
knight to gain the widow, at least her fortune, not by the fire-
arms now in use, but by law ; the feathered arrow of the
lawyer.
t Does he mean those whom written challenges had brought
to fight ■? or does he allude to the Latin phrase for enlisting:
conscripti niilites, conscribere exercitus "?
J Bishop Wilkins (Mathem. Magic.) maintains, that the en-
gines of the ancients, balista and catapnlta;, did more execution,
and were far more portable, than cannon. See likewise Si(
Clement Edmonds's judicious observations upon Ca3sar's Com-
mentaries. Battles in ancient times seem to have been attend-
ed with more casualties than since the invention of gunpowder.
^ Ralpho goes on to extol the energy of the pen, which, in the
hand of the historian, can control even the most warlike eJforts.
II That is, the law will recover a lady that Is as false as the
most perfidious lover
456 HUDIBRAS. [Paut ib
Will soon extend her for your bride,*
And put lier person, goods, or lands,
Or which you like best, int' your hands.
For law's the wisdom of all ages,
And manag'd by the ablest sages, 4M
Who, tho' their bus'ness at the bar
Be but a kind of civil war,
In which th' engage with fiercer dudgeons
Than e'er the Grecians did, and Trojans ;
They never manage the contest 443
T' impair their public interest.
Or by their controversies lessen
The dignity of their profession :
Not like us brethren, who divide
Our commonwealth, the cause, and side ;t 450
And tho' we're all as near of kindred
As th' outvi^ard man islo the inward,
We agree in nothing, but to wrangle
About the slightest fingle-fangle.
While lawyers have more sober sense, 455
Than t' argue at their own expense,!
But make their best advantages
Of others' quarrels, like the Swiss ;§
And out of foreign controversies.
By aiding both sides, fill their purses ; 460
But have no int'rest in the cause
For which th' engage, and wage the laws
Nor further prospect than their pay,
Whether they lose or win the day.
And tho' th' abounded in all ages, 465
With sundry learned clerks and sages ;
Tho' all their bus'ness be dispute,
Whicii way they canvass ev'ry suit,
They 've no disputes about their art.
* Lay an extent upon her ; seize her for your use.
t Take part on one side or the other. Whereas we who have
a coninion interest, a common cause, a common party apainst
the royalists and Episcopalians, weaken our strength by internal
divisions among ourselves.
t The wisdom of htwyers is such, that however they may
seem to quarrel at the bar, yet they are good friends the moment
they leave the court. Unlike us, Independents and Presbyte-
rians, who, though our opinions are very similar, are always
wrangling about the merest trifles.
5 The Swiss, if they are well paid, will enter into the service
of any foreign power: but, point d'argent, point de Suisse. Aa
•Id distich says :
Theologis animam stibjecit lapsus Adaml
Et corpus medicis, et bona Juridicis.
Cakto in.] HUDIBRAS. 457
Nor in polemics controvert ; 470
While all professions else are found
With nothing but disputes t' abound:
Divines of all sorts, and physicians,
Philosophers, mathematicians ;
The Galenist, and Paracelsian, <75
Condemn the way each other deals in ,*
Anatomists dissect and mangle,
To cut themselves out work to vvrangiO ;
Astrologers dispute their dreams.
That in their sleeps they talk of schemes ; 480
And heralds stickle, who got who,
So many hundred years ago.
But lawyers are too wise a nation
T' expose their trade to disputation,
Or make their busy rabble judges 485
Of all their secret piques and grudges ;
In which, whoever wins the day.
The whole profession's sure to pay.t
Beside, no mountebanks, nor cheats,
Dare undertake to do their feats, 490
When in all other sciences
They swarm like insects, and increase.
For what bigot durst ever draw,t
By inward light, a deed in law?
Or could hold forth by revelation, 493
An answer to a declaration?
For those that meddle with their tools.
Will cut their fingers, if they 're fools :
And if you follow their advice,
In bills, and answers, and replies, 500
They'll write a love-letter in chancery,
Shall bring her upon oath to answer ye.
And soon reduce her to b' your wife.
Or make her weaiy of her life.
The Knight, who us'd with tricks and shifts 505
To edify by Ralpho's gifts.
But in appearance cry'd him down,§
To make them better seem his own,
* The followers of Galen weie advocates for the virtues and
ttse of plants; the disciples of Paracelsus reconiiuended chemV
cal preparations.
t That is, whoever wins is sure to pay the whole profession ;
or rather, wliether sergeant A or counsellor B be more successful
In abusing each other, the whole profession of the law is dis-
graced by their scurrilities.
t The accent is here laid on the last syllable of bigot.
5 Ferhaps a better reading would be, — cry'd Um down,
20
458 HUDIBRAS. [Part la
Al! plagiaries' constant course
Of sinking when they take a purse,* 510
Resolv'd to follow his advice,
But kept it from him by disguise ;
And, after stubborn contradiction,
To counterfeit his own conviction.
And, by transition, fall upon 515
The resolution as his own.t
Quoth he. This gambol thou advisest
Is, of all others, the unwisest ;
For, if I think by law to gain her.
There's nothing sillier, nor vainer. 528
'Tis but to hazard my pretence.
Where nothing's certain but th' expence ;
To act against myself, and traverse
My suit and title to her favours ;
And if she should, which heav'n forbid, 525
O'erthrow me, as the fiddler did.
What after-course have I to take,
'Gainst losing ail I have at stake ?
He tliat with injury is griev'd.
And goes to law to be reliev'd, 530
Is sillier than a sottish chouse.
Who, when a thief has robb'd his house,
Applies himself to cunning men,
To help him to his goods agen ;t
* Such as steal out of other men's works, and abuse the au-
thors they are beholden to, are like highwaymen, who abuse
those whom they rob. Or perhaps sinking may mean stooping,
or diving with the hand to reach a person's pocket. Pickpock-
ets in partnership may be apt to sink or conceal part of the booty
from their companions. But I must refer to the Bow-street Vo-
cabulary. [The meaning is simply the plagiarist conceals his
robbery as the pickpocket does his.]
t Dr! Thomas Burnet says, Libentius auscnltamus rationibus
et argumentis a nobis ipsis inventis, quam ab aliis propositis; ut,
cum sententiam matamus, non tani ab aliis victi, quam a nobis-
met ipsis edocli, id fecisse videamur.
i The misfortunes of too many will incline them to subscribe
to the truth of this excellent observation. The word chews, o»
chouse, is derived either from the French, gausser, to cheat oi
laugh at, or from the Italian, gaffo, a fool. In Mr. Butler's MS.
UJiiier these lines, are many severe strictures on lawyers .
More nice and subtle than those wire-drawers
Of eqihity and justice, common lawyers ;
Who never end, but always prune a suit
To make it bear the greater store of fruit.
As laboring men their hands, criers their lungs,
Porters their backs, lawyers hire out their tongues.
A tongue to mire and gain accustomed long,
Grows quite insensible to right or wrong.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS 459
When all he can expect to gain, 535
Is but to squander more in vain :
And yet I have no other way,
But is as difficult to play :
For to reduce her by main force
Is now in vain ; by fair moans, worse ; 540
But worst of all to give her over,
'Till she's as desp'rate to recover :
For bad games are thrown up too soon,
Until they 're never to be won ;
But since I have no other course, 545
But is as bad t' attempt, or v/orse.
He that complies against his v/ili.
Is of his own opinion still,
Which he may adhere to, yet disown,
For reasons to himself best known ; 550
But 'tis not to b' avoided now.
For Sidropiiel resolves to sue ;
Whom I must answer, or begin.
Inevitably, first with him ;
For I've receiv'd advertisement, 555
By times enough, of his intent ;
And knowing he that first complains
Th' advantage of tiie bus'ness gains ;
For courts of justice understand
The plaintiff to be eldest hand ; 560
Who what he pleases may aver.
The other nothing till he swear ;*
Is freely admitted to all grace,
And lawful favour, by his place ;
And, for his bringing custom in, 565
Has all advantages to win :
I, who resolve to oversee
No lucky opportunity.
Will go to council, to advise
Which way t' encounter, or surprise, 570
And after long consideration.
Have found out one to fit th' occasion,
Most apt for what I have to do,
As counsellor, and justice too.t
The humorist that would have had a trial
With one that diil but Utok upon his d:iil,
And sued him but for telling of his clock.
And saying, 'twas too fast, or slow it struck.
• An answer to a bill of chancery is always upon oatb ; — a pe-
titioc not so.
t IJ is probable that the poet had an eye to some partlculai
400 HLDIBRAS. [Part m.
And truly so, no doubt, he was, 573
A lawyer fit for such a case.
An old dull sot, who told the clock,*
For many years at Bridewell-dock,
At Westminster, and Hicks's-hall,
And hiccius doctiust play'd in all ; 580
Where, in all governments and times,
He 'ad been both friend and foe to crimes,
And us'd two equal ways of gaining.
By hind'ring justice, or maintaining, t
To many a whore gave privilege, 585
And whipp'd, for want of quarterage ;
Cart-loads of bawds to prison sent.
For b'ing behind a fortnight's rent ;
And many a trusty pimp and crony
To Pudddle-dock, for want of money 590
Engag'd the constables to seize
All those that wou'd not break the peace ;
Nor give him back his own foul words,
Though sometimes commoners, or lords.
And kept 'em prisoners of course, 595
For being sober at ill hours ;
That in the morning he might free
Or bind 'em over for his fee.
Made monsters fine, and puppet-plays,
For leave to practice in their ways ; COO
Farm'd out all cheats, and went a share
With th' headborough and scavenger ;
And made the dirt i' th' streets compound.
For taking up the public ground ;§
person in this cliaracter. The old annotator says It was one
Prideaux ; but gives no further account of him. One of that
name was attorney-general to the rump, and commissioner of
the great seal. He died August 19, in tlie last year of their reign.
Tiliotson lived in his family. See Birch's Lile of the Archbisii-
op, p. 14. He cannot have been here meant. The poet, I im-
agine, alludes to some one of a much lower class. See the char-
acter of a justice in Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. ii. p. 190.
* The puisne judge was formerly called the Tell-ciock ; as
supposed to be not much employed with business in the courts
he sat in, but listening how tiie time went.
t Cant words used by jugglers, corrupted perhaps from hie est
doctior.
X Mr. Butler served some years as a clerk to a justice. The
person who employed him was an able magistrate, and respec-
table character: but in that situation he might have had an op«
portunity of making himself acquainted with the practice of txa-
dine justices.
^ Did not levy the penalty for a nuisauco, but took a compo*
•Ition in private.
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 461
The kennel, and the king's high way. G05
For being unmolested, pay ;
Let out the stocks and whipping-post,
Ar.d cage, to those that gave him most ;
Lnpos'd a tax on bakers' ears,*
And for false weights on chaudelers ; 610
Made victuallers and vintners fine
For arbitrary ale and wine :t
But was a kind and constant friend
To all that regularly offend:
As residentiary bawds, 613
And brokers that receive stol'n goods ;
That cheat in lawful mysteries.
And pay church-duties, and his fees j
But was implacable and awkward.
To all that interlop'd and hawker'd.t 820
To this brave man the Kniglit repairs
For counsel in his law-affairs,
And found him mounted in his pev/.
With books and money plac'd for shew,
Like nest-eggs to make clients lay, 625
And for his false opinion pay :
To whom the Kuiglit, with comely grace,
Put off his hat to put his case ;
Which he as proudly entertain'd,
As th' other courteously strain'd ; 630
And, to assure him 'twas not that
He look'd for, bid him put on's hat.
Quoth he. There is one Sidrophel
Whom I have cudgell'd — Very well —
And now he brags to have beaten me — 635
Better and better still, quoth he —
And vows to stick me to the wall.
Where'er he meets me — Best of all.
* That i'. commuted the pillory for a mulct at his own dis-
treiion. Lihanius has an entire oration against an arhitrary law
of the magistrates of Antioch, which obliged the country bakers,
When they brought bread into the city for sale, to load back with
rubbish.
t For selling ale or wine without license, or by less than the
statutable measure. So Mr. Butler says of his justice. Remains,
vol. ii. p. 191. " He does his ccmntry signal service in the judi-
"cious and mature legitimation of tipiiling-hoU'^es; that the sub-
"ject be not imposed upon with illegal and arbitrary ale."
X Travelling dealers, who did not keep any regular shop.
"He is very severe to hawkers and interlopers, who commit
" iniquity on the bye." See Remains, where the reader may fintf
other stroke? 3f character similar to those here mentioned.
462 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
'Tis true tlie knave has taken 's oa.h
That I robb'd him — Well done, in troth. 640
When lie 'as confess'd he stole my cloak,
And pick'd my fob, and what he took ;
Which was the cause that made me bang him,
And take my goods again — Marry,* hang him.
Now, whether I should before-hand, 645
Swear he robb'd me ? — I understand,
Or bring my action of conversion
And trover for my goods ?t — Ah, whoreson !
Or, if 'tis better to endite,
And bring him to his trial ? — Right. 650
Prevent what he designs to do.
And swear for tli' state against him ?t — True.
Or whether he that is defendant.
In this case, has the better end on 't ;
Who, putting in a new cross-bill, 655
May traverse th' action ? — Better still.
Then there 's a lady too — Aye, marry.
That's easily prov'd accessary ;
A widow, who by solemn vows,
Contracted to me for my spouse, 660
Combin'd with him to break her word,
And has abetted all — Good Lord I
Suborn'd th' aforesaid Sidrophel
To tamper with the dev'l of hell.
Who put m' into a horrid fear, 665
Fear of my life — Make that appear.
Made an assault with fiends and men
Upon my body — Good agen.
And kept me in a deadly fright,
And false imprisonment, all night. 670
Mean while they robb'd me, and my horse,
And stole my SAddle — Worse and worse.
And made me mount upon the bare ridge,
T' avoid a wretcheder niscarriage.
Sir, quoth tiie Lawyer, not to flatter ye, 675
You have as good and fair a battery
♦ Marry, i. e. very oi truly, an adverb of asseveration. Ains-
worth thinks it a kind of oath, as if per Mariain — A kind of ex-
pletive without much meaning, though perhaps the pettifogger
might wish to be arch on the word marry.
t An action of trover is an action brought for recovery of a
man's goods, when wrongfully detained by another, and con-
verted to his own use.
t Swear that a crime was committed by him against the
pnblic peace, or peace of the state.
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 4fi3
As heart can wish, and need not sham©
The proudest man alive to claim :
For if th' have us'd you as you say,
Marry, quoth I, God give you joy ; 680
I wou'd it were my case, I'd give
More than I'll say, or you'll believe :
I wou'd so trounce her, and her purse,
I'd make her kneel for better or worse ;
For matrimony, and hanging here, 685
Both go by destiny so clear,*
That you as sure may pick and choose,
As cross I win, and pile you lose :
And if I durst, I wou'd advance
As much in ready maintenance,! 690
As upon any case I've known ;
But we that practice dare not own :
The law severely contrabands
Our taking bus'ness off men's hands ;
'Tis common barratry, that bearst 695
Point-blank an action 'gainst our ears,
And crops them till there is not leather,
To stick a pen in left of either ;§
For which some do the summer-sault.
And o'er the bar, like tumblers, vault :1| 700
But you may swear at any rate.
Things not in natiu'e, for the state ;
For in all courts of justice here
A witness is not said to swear,
* See P. ii. c. i. v. 839. Ames, in his Typographical Antiqui-
ties, first edition, p. J57, inentinns a boolc printed by Robert
Wyer, 1542, entitled, Mistery of Iniquite, where we may read :
Trewly some men there be
That lyve always in great horroure,
And say it goth by destenye
To hang or wed, both hath one hotire ;
And whether it be, I am well sure,
Hangynge is better of the twain.
Sooner done, and shorter payne.
t Maintenance is the tinlawful upholding of a cause or person,
or it is the buying or obtaining pretended rights to lands.
i Barratry is the common and unlawful stirring up of suits or
quarrels, either in court or elsewhere.
^ Most edi'ions read pin, but the author's corrected copy
says pen ; it being the custom of clerks in office, and writers, to
stick their pen behind their ears when they do not employ it in
writing.
II Summer-sault, soubresaut, throwing heels over head, a feat
of activity performed by tumblers. When a lawyer has been
f^ilty of misconduct, and is not allowed to practise in the ccortB,
he is said to be thrown over the bar.
464 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
But make oath, that is, in plain terms, 705
To forge whatever he affirms.
I thank you, quoth tlie Knight, for that,
Because 'tis to my purpose pat —
For justice, Iho' she's painted blind,
Is to the weaker side incliud, 710
Like charity ; else right and wrong
Cou'd never hold it out so long.
And, like blind fortune, with a sleight,
Conveys men's interest and right,
From Stiles's pocket into Nokes's,* 713
As easily as hocus pocus ;t
Plays fast and loose, makes men obnoxious ;
And clear again, like hiccius doctius.
Then whether you would take her life,
Or but recover her for your wife, 720
Or be content with what she has.
And let all oiher matters pass.
The bus'ness to the law's alone, J
Tiie proof is all it looks upon ;
And you nan want no witnesses, 725
To swear to any thing you please.
That hardly get their mere expenses.
By th' labour of their consciences.
Or letting out to hire their ears
To affidavit customers, 730
At inconsiderable values.
To serve for jurymen or tales.§
Altho' retain'd in th' hardest matters
Of trustees and administrators.
For that, quoth he, let me alone ; 733
We 've store of such, and all our own,
Bred up and tutor'd by our teachers,
Th' ablest of all conscience-stretchers.|l
That's well, quoth he, but I should guess,
By weighing all advantages, 740
* Fictitious names, sometimes used in stating cases, issuing
writs, &c.
t Words profiinely u^ed liy jugglers, if derived, as some sup
pose, from lioc est ciir|ius.
X A belter rending perlmps is,
Tlie bus'ness to the law's all one.
§ Talesmen are persons of like rank and quality with sue
cf the principal panel as do not appear, or are challenged ; and
who. happening to be In court, are taken to supply their [ilaces
as hirvnien.
Il' Mr. Downing and Stephen INIarshal, who absolved frointheil
oaths the prisoners released at Brentford.
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 465
Your surest way is first to pitch
On Bongey for a water-witch ;*
And when y' have hang'd the conjurer,
Y' have time enougli to deal with her.
In th' int'rim spare for no trepans, 745
To draw her neck into the banns ;
Ply her with love-letters and billets,
And bait 'em well for quirks and quillets.t
With trains t' inveigle, and surprise
Her heedless answers and replies ; 750
And if she miss the mouse-trap lines,
They'll serve for other by-designs ;
And make an artist understand.
To copy out her seal, or hand ;
Or find void places in the paper, TK
To steal in something to entrap her ;
Till, with her worldly goods and body.
Spite of her heart she has indow'd ye :
Retain all sorts of witnesses.
That ply i' th' Temple, under trees ; 760
Or walk the roiuid, with knights o' th' posts, +
About the cross-legg'd knights, their hosts ;§
* On Sidrophel, the reputed conjurer. The poet calls him
Bongey, from a learned friar of that name, who lived in Oxford
almut the end of the thirteenth century, and was deemed a con-
jurer hy the common people. " There was likewise one mother
" Bon^rey, who, in divers hooks set out by authority, is registered
"or chronicled i-.y the n;\nie of the great witch of Rochester."
(Grey.) For a water-witch ; for one to be tried by the water-
ordeal, or perhaps,
One that tOiO fortunes by casting urine ;
or one to whom
With urine, they flock for curing. P. ii. c. iii. v. 123.
t Subtleties. Shakspeare frequently used the word quillet.
In the First Partof Henry VI. Act ii., the earl of Warwick says:
But in these quirks and quillets of the law,
Good faith, I am no wiser than a daw
And Hamlet says, when contemplating the skull of a lawyer:
Where be his quiddities now 1 his quillets'? his cases f
Quillets, in barbarous Latin, is cnllecta. [Quibble, quillet, quip,
and quirk, have all puzzled the etymologists, and probably will
continue to do so; there is something in words beginning with
qu wondrously baffling, as the very instrument of the critic's la-
bors, a quill, possesses scarcely a guess at a derivation.]
i Witnesses who are ready to swear any thing, whether true
or false.
§ These witnesses frequently plied for custom about the Tem-
ple church, where are several monuments of knights templars,
who are there represen'ed cross-legged : [as everywhere else J—
20*
466 HUDIBRAS. [Part a
Or wait for customers between
The pillar-rows in Liucoln's-Inn ;
Where vouchers, forgers, common-bail, 7CS
And affidavit-men ne'er fail
T' expose to sale all sorts of oaths,
According to their ears and clothes,*
Their only necessary tools.
Besides the Gospel, and their souls ;t 770
And when ye 're furnish'd with all purveys,
I shall be ready at your service.
I would not give, quoth Hudibras,
A straw to understand a case,
Without the admirable skill 775
To wind and manage it at will ;
To veer, and tack, and steer a cause,
Against the weather-gage of laws;
And ring the changes upon cases.
As plain as noses upon faces ; 780
As you liave well instructed me,
For which you 've earn'd, here 'tis, your fee.
I long to practise your advice
And try the subtle artifice ;
To bait a letter as you bid. 785
As, not long after, thus he did :
For, having pump'd up all his wit,
And humm'd upon it, thus he writ.
their host, because nobody gives them more entertainment than
these knights, and they are almost starved.
* Lord Clarendon, in his History of the Rebellion, vol. ii. p.
355, says, an Irishman of low condition and meanly clotlied, be-
ing hroufihl as evidence against Lord Stratford, Lieutenant of
Ireland, Mr. Pym gave him money to buy a satin suit and cloak,
in which equipage he appeared at the trial. The like was prac-
tised in the trial of Lord Stafford for the popish plot. See Carte's
ilistory of the Life of James Duke of Ormonde, vol. ii. p. 517.
It is, I fear, sometimes practised in trials of less importance.
t When a witness swears he holds the Gospel in his right
hand, and kisses it: the Gospel therefore is called his tool, by
Which he damns his otlier tool, namely, his soul.
AN HEROICAL EPISTLE
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
I WHO was once as great as Cassar,
Am now reduc'd to Nebuchadnezzar ;*
And from as fara'd a conqueror,
As ever took degree in war,
Or did Iiis exercise in battle, 8
By you turn'd out to grass with cattle.
For since I am deny'd access
To all my earthly happiness,
Am fall'n from the paradise
Of your good graces, and fair eyes ; 10
Lost to the world, and you, I'm sent
To everlasting banishment,
Where all the hopes I had t' have won
Your heart, b'ing dash'd, will break my own.
Yet if you were not so severe 15
To pass your doom before you hear.
You'd find, upon my just defence,
How much y' have wrong'd my innocence.
That once I made a vow to you.
Which yet is unperform'd 'tis true ; SO
But not because it is unpaid
'Tis violated, though delay'd.
Or if it were, it is no fault
So heinous, as you'd have it thought ;
To undergo the loss of ears, 85
Like vulgar hackney perjurers ;
• See Dan. iv. 32, 33.
Carmina qui quondam studio florente peregl
Flebilis heu uiceslos cogor inire modes.
Boethius de Consul. Philosopb.
468 IIUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY,
For there's a difference in tlie case,
Between tlie noble and the base ;
Who always are cbserv'd to 've done 't
Upon as diiT'rent an account ; 3f
Tlie one for great and weighty cause,
To salve in honour ugly flaws;
For none are like to do it sooner
Than those who are nicest of their honour;
The other, for base gain and pay, 35
Forswear and perjure by the day.
And make tli' exposing and retailing
Their souls, and consciences, a calling.
It is no scandal nor aspersion,
Upon a great and noble person, (0
To say, he nat'rally abhorr'd
Th' old-fashion'd trick, to keep his word,
Tho' 'lis perfidiousness and shame.
In meaner men to do the same :
For to be able to forget, 45
Is found more useful to tlie great
Than gout, or deafness, or bad eyes,
To make them pass for wond'rous wise.
But tho' the law, on perjurers.
Inflicts the forfeiture of ears, 50
It is not just, that does exempt
The guilty, and punish the innocent.*
To make the ears repair the wrong
Committed by th' ungovern'd tongue ;
And when one member is forsworn, 53
Another to be cropp"d or torn.
And if you shou"d, as you design.
By course of law, recover mine.
You 're like, if you consider right,
To gain but little honour by 't. 60
For he that for his lady's sake
Lays down his life, or limbs, at stake,
Does- not so much deserve her favour,
As he that pawns his soul to have her.
This y' have acknowledg'd I have done, 03
Altho' you now disdain to own ;
But sentence what you rather ought
T' esteem good service than a fault. t
Besides, oaths are not bound to bear
* A lielter rending is — th' innocent.
t Sentence, that U, coudeua or pass sentence upoD.
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY. 469
That literal sense the words infer, 70
But, by the practice of the age.
Are to be judg'd how far th' engage ;
And where the sense by custom's checkt,
Are found void, and of none effect.
For no man takes or keeps a vow, 75
But just as he sees others do ; ,
Nor are tiiey obiig'd to be so brittle,
As not to yield and bow a little:
For as best temper'd blades are found,
Before they break, to bend quite round ; SO
So truest oaths are still most tougn,
And, tho' they bow, are breaking proof.
Then wherefore should they not b' allow'd
In love a greater latitude 1*
For as the law of arms approves 85
All ways to conquest,! so shou'd lovers ;
And not be ty'd to true or false.
But make that justest that prevails:
For how can that which is above
All empire, high and miglity love,t 00
Submit its great prerogative,
To any other pow'r alive?
Shall love, that to no crown gives place,
Become the subject of a caso ?
The fundamental law of nature, 05
Be over-rul'd by those made after?
Commit the censure of its cause
To any, but its own great laws?
Love, that's the world's preservative,
That keeps all souls of tilings alive ; 100
Controuls the mighty pow'r of fate.
And gives mankind a longer date ;
The life of nature that restores
As fast as time and death devours ;
To whose free gift the world does owe 105
• perjnria ridet amantiim
Jupiter, et ventos irrita ferrc jubet.
Tib. m. El. VII. 17.
So Callitnachus, Epig. 26.
t Dolus an virtus, qiiis, in hoste, requirit?
X -^—^ "Epwj &[ Twv OcCiv
'lax^v tX^v TT^d^v, f 1^1 TovTov ^c'lKwrai
A(d ToilTOV iTZLOpKOUCl ToCj flAAoUJ dfOVi.
Menand. Frag.
a
470 HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
Not only earth, but heaven too :*
For love's the only trade that's driven,
The interest of state in heav'n,t
Which nothing but the soul of man
Is capable to entertain. 116
For what can earth produce, but love,
To represent tiie joys above ?
Or who but lovers can converse,
Like angels by the eye-discourse?
Address, and compliment by vision, 115
Make love, and court by intuition ?
And burn in am'rous flames as fierce,
As those celestial ministers ?
Then how can any thing offend.
In order to so great an end ? 129
Or heav'n itself a sin resent,
That for its own supply was meant ?
That merits, in a kind mistake,
A pardon for th' ofTence'a sake 1
Or if it did not, but the cause 1S5
Were left to th' injury of laws,
What tyranny can disapprove.
There should be equity in love ?
For laws, tliat are inanimate,
And feel no sense of love or hate,| 130
That have no passion of their own,
Nor pity to be wrought upon.
Are only proper to inflict
Revenge on criminals as strict.
But to have power to forgive, 135
Is empire and prerogative ;
And 'tis in crowns a nobler gem
To grant a pardon, than condemn.
* Quas mare navigeruin, quae terras frugiferentes
Conceleliras ; per te quoniam genus onine aniniantum
Concipitur, visitque exortum luinina soils.
Lucret. i. 3.
Quae quoniam rerum naturam sola gubernas,
Nee sine te quicquam dias in luminis eras
Exoritur, neque fit laetum, neque amabile quicquam.
Idem, i. 23.
T Waller says :
All that we know of those above,
Is, that they live and that they love
Our Saviour says, "Suffer the little children to come unto me,
for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
X Aristotle defined law to be, reason without passion ; and
despotism or arbitrary power to be, passion without reason.
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY. 471
Tlien, since so few do what they ought,
'Tis great t' indulge a well-meant fault ; 140
For why should he who made address,
All humble ways, without success ;
And met with nothing in return
But insolence, affronts, and scorn,
Not strive by wit to counter-mine, 145
And bravely carry his design ?
He v/ho was us'd so unlike a soldier.
Blown up with philters cf love-powder ;
And after letting blood, and purging,
Condemn'd to voluntary scourg'ng ; 150
Alarm'd with many a horrid fright.
And claw'd by goblins in the night ;
Insulted on, revil'd and jeer'd.
With rude invasion of his beard ;
And when your sex was foully scandal'd, 155
As foully by the rabble handled ;
Attack'd by despicable foes.
And drubb'd with mean and vulgar blows ;
And, after all, to be debarr'd
So much as standing on his guard ; 160
When horses being spurr'd and prick'd
Have leave to kick for being kick'd ?
Or why should you, whose mother-wits*
Are furnish'd with all perquisites ;
That with your breeding teeth begin, 165
And nursing babies that lie in ;
B' allow'd to put all tricks upon
Our cully sex, and we use none ?
We, who have nothing but frail vows
Against your stratagems t' oppose ; 170
Or oaths, more feeble than your own,
By which we are no less put down ?t
You wound, like Parthians, while you fly,
And kill with a retreating eye •,t
Retire the more, the more we press, 175
* Why should you, who were sharp and witty from your in-
fancy, who bred wit with your teeth, &c.
t That is, hy which oaths of yours we are no less subdued
than by your stratagems.
i Fidentemque fuga Partlium versisque sagittis.
Virg. Georg. iii. 31
The Parthians had the art of shootitig their arrows behind
them, and making their flight more destructive to the enemy
than iheir attack. Seneca says :
Terga conversi metuenda Parthi.
472 HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
To draw us into ambushes :
As pirates all false colours wear,
T' intrap th' unwary mariner ; '
So women, to surprise us, spread
The borrow'd flags of white and red ; 181
Display 'em thicker on their cheeks,
Than their old grand-mothers, the Picts ;
And raise more devils with their looks,
Than conjurers' less subtle books :
Lay trains of amorous intrigues, 183
In tow'rs, and curls, and periwigs,*
With greater art and cunning rear'd,
Than Philip Nye's thanksgiving beard ;t
Prepost'rously t' entice and gain
Those to adore 'em they disdain ; 190
And only draw 'em in to clog,
With idle names, a catalogue.!
A lover is, the more he's brave,
T' his mistress but the more a slave ;§
* tanta est qiiasrendi cura decoris
Tot preiiiit oriUniliiis, lot adhuc. compagibus allum
iEdificat caput. Aiidruinachen a fronte videbis
Post liiitior est. Juvenal, vi. 500
If we may judjre by figures on the imperial coins, even the
most expert of iiuidcrn hair-dressers are far inferior in their busi-
ness to the ancients.
t Nye first entered at Brazen-nose college. Oxford, and after-
wards reciKivpd to Magdnlen h:ill. He took his degrees, and then
went to Holland. In 1G40 he returned home a furious Presby-
terian ; and was sent to Scotland to forward the covenant. He
then became a strenuous preacher on the side of the Independ-
ents : was put into Dr. Featly"s living at Acton, and went there
every Sunday in a coach with four horses. He opposed Lilly
the astrologer with ureal violence, and for this service was re-
wariled with the office of holding forth upon thanksgiving days.
W hers fore
He thought upon it, and resolv'd to put
His beard into as wonderful a cut.
Butler's MS.
This preacher's beard is honored with an entire poem in But
ler's Genuine Relnains, published hy Thyer, vol.i. p. 177. When
the head of a celelirated court cli:iplain and preacher had been
dressed in a snperior style, the friseur exclaimed, with a mixture
of ailmiration and self-applause, " I'll be hanged if any person
of taste can attend to one word of the sermon to-day."
* To increase the list of their discarded suitors.
^ The poet may here possibly alhuie to some well-known
characters of his time. "The Lady Dysert cat"e to have so
'•much power over the Lord Lauderdale, that it lessened him
" very much in the esteem of all the world; for he delivered
"himself up to all her humors and passions." Burnet's History,
rol. i. p. 244. Anne Clarges, at first the mistress, and afterwards
the wife of Geoeral Monk, duke of Albemarle, gained the most
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY. 473
And whatsoever she commands, 195
Bscomes a favour from her hands, *
Which he's oblig'd l' obey, and must,
Whether it be unjust or just.
Then when lie is compell'd by lier
T' adventures he wou'd else forbear, 200
Wiio, with his honour, can withstand,
Since force is greater than command ?
And wlien necessity's obey'd,
Nothing can be unjust or bad:*
And therefore, when tiie mighty pow'rs 203
Of love, our great ally, and yours,
Join'd forces not to be withstood
By frail enamour'd flesh and blood.
All I have done, unjust or ill,
Was in obedience to your will, 210
And all the blame that can be due
Falls to your cruelty, and you.
Nor are those scandals I confest.
Against my will and interest,
More than is daily done, of course, 215
By all men, when they 're under force :
Whence some, upon the rack, confess
What th' hangman and their prompters please ;
But are no sooner out of pain,
Than they deny it all again. 220
But when the devil turns confessor,t
Truth is a crime, he takes no pleasure
To hear or pardon, like the founder
Of liars, whom they all claim under :t
And therefore when I told him none, 225
nnihie influence over that intrepid coininander. Thoiish nevei
al'raiil of bullets, he whs often terrifieil hy the fury of his wife.
* Kecessitas non hahet legem, is a known proverb.
Ativns avdyKTi; oviev iaxvei irXiov ; Enripidis Helena.
Pareauir necessitati, quam ne dii quidem superant. — Livy.
t Suppose we read :
when a devil turns confessor.
} See St. John, ch. viii. v. 44. Butler in his MS. Common
placs book, says:
As lyars. with Ions use of telling lyes,
For^iet at length if they are true or false,
So those that plod on any thing loo long
Know nothing whether th' are in the right or wrong.
For what are all ynur demonstrations els?,
But to the higher powers of sense appeals;
Senses that th' undervalue and contemn
As if it lay below their wits and them
474 HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
I think it was the wiser done.
Nor afii I without precedent,
The first that on tli' adventure went ;
All mankind ever did of course,
And daily does the same, or worse. 830
For what romance can shew a lover,
That had a lady to recover.
And did not steer a nearer course,
To fall aboard in his amours?
And what at first was held a crime, 235
Has turn'd to hon'rable in time.
To what a height did infant Rome,
By ravishing of women, come ?*
When men upon their spouses seiz'd.
And freely marry'd where they pleas'd, 240
They ne'er forswore themselves, nor ly'd,
Nor, in the mind they were in, dy'd ;
Nor took the pains t' address and sue.
Nor play'd the masquerade to woo :
Disdain'd to stay for friends' consents, 845
Nor juggled about settlements ;
Did need no licence, nor no priest.
Nor friends, nor kindred, to assist ;
Nor lav/yers, to join land and money
In the holy state of matrimony, 350
Before they settled hands and hearts.
Till alimony or death departs ;t
Nor wou'd endupe to stay, until
Th' had got the very bride's good-will,
But took a wise and shorter course 255
To win the ladies — downright force ;
And justly made 'em prisoners then,
As they have, often since, us men.
With acting plays, and dancing jigs,t
* Floras says that Romulus, wanting inhabitants for his new
city, erected an asylum or sanctuary for robbers in a neighbor-
ing grove, and presently he had people in abundance. But this
was a people only for an age, a colony only of males, therefore
tliey had still to supply themselves with wives, and not obtain-
ing them from their neighbors on a civil application, they toolt
them by force.
t Thus printed in some editions of the Prayer Book, aRer-
wards altered. " "till death us do part," as mentioned in a for-
mer note. Suppose we here read, according to some etiitions,
'Till alimony, or death them parts.
X Simulalis quippe ludis equestribus, virgines, qute ad specta-
euluni venerant, pra-da fuere. Pretending to exhibit some fine
shows and diversions, they drew together a concourse of young
women, and seized them for their wives.
IIUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY. 475
The uckiest of all love's intrigues ; 260
And when theyjiad them at their pleasure,
They talk'd of love and flames at leisure ;
For after matrimony's over,
He that holds out but half a lover,
Deserves, for ev'ry minute, more 2f5
Than half a year of love before ;
For which the dames, in contemplation
Of that best way of application,
Prov'd nobler wives than e'er were known,
By suit, or treaty, to be won ;* 270
And such as all posterity
Cou'd never equal, nor come nigh.
For women first were made for men,
Not men for them. — It follows, then.
That men have right to every one, 275
And they no freedom of their own ;
And therefore men have pow'r to chuse,
But they no charter to refuse.
Hence 'tis apparent that what course
Soe'er we take to your amours, 280
Though by the indirectest way,
'Tis not injustice nor foul play ;
And that you ought to take that course
As we take you, for better or worse.
And gratefully submit to those 885
Who you, before another, chose.
For why shou'd ev'ry savage beast
Exceed his great lord's interest ?t
Have freer pow'r than he, in grace,
And nature, o'er the creature has? 290
Because the laws he since has made
Have cut off all the pow'r he had ;
Retrench'd the absolute dominion
That nature gave him over women ;
When all his pow'r will not extend 295
One law of nature to suspend ;
* 'V^hen tlie Sabines came with a largre army to demand theii
daughters, and the two nations were preparing to decide the
iTiatter by fight, SKvientibus interveneie raptae, laceris coniis^
the wiiiiien who had been carried away ran between the armies
with expressifins i)f grief, and etiected a reconciliation,
t That is, man, sonietinies called lord of the world :
Man of all creatures the inost fierce and wild
That ever God made or the devil spoil'd:
The most coura;|eous of men, by want,
As well as honor, are made valiant. Butler s MS.
476 HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
And but to offer to repeal
The smallest clp.use, is to repel.
This, if men riglitiy understood
Their privilege, they would make good, 300
And not, like sots, permit their wives
T' encroach on their prerogatives,
For which sin they deserve to be
Kept, as they arj, in slavery:
And this some precious gifted teachers,* 303
Unrev'rently reputed leachers.
And disobey'd in making love.
Have vow'd to all the world to prove,
And make ye suffer as you ought,
For that uncharitable fault : 319
But I forget myself, and rove
Beyond th' instructions of my love.
Forgive me, Fair, and only blame
Th' extravagancy of my flame.
Since 'tis too much, at once to show 31ft
Excess of love and temper too ;
All I have said that's bad and true,
Was never meant to aim at you.
Who have so sov'reign a controul
O'er that poor slave of yours, my soul, 330
That, rather than to forfeit you.
Has ventur'd loss of heav'n too ;
Both with an equal pow'r possest.
To render all that serve you blest ;
But none like him, who's destin'd either 325
To have or lose you both together ;
And if you'll but this fault release.
For so it must be, since you please,
I'll pay down all that vow, and more,
Which you commanded, and I swore, 330
And expiate, upon my skin,
Th' arrears in full of all my sin :
For 'tis but just that I should pay
Th' accruing penance for delay,
Which shall be done, until it move 333
Your equal pity and your love.
The Knight, perusing this Epistle,
Believ'd he 'ad brought her to his whistle ;
And read it, like a jocund lover.
With great applause, t' himself, twice over ; 340
* Mr. Case, as some have supposed, but, according to other*
Dr. Burgess, or Hugh Peters.
HUDIPRAS TO HIS LADY. 47-
Subscrib'd his name, but at a fit
And humble distance, to his wit :
And dated it with wondrous art,
Giv'n from the bottom of his lieart ; •
Then seal'd it with his coat of love, 345
A smokiniT faggot — and above
Upon a scroll — I burn, and weep —
And near it — For her ladj'ship,
Of all her sex most excellent,
These to her gentle hands present * 350
Then gave it to his faithful squire,
With lessons how t' observe, and eye her.
She first consider'd which was better,
To send it back, or burn the letter :
But guessing that it might import, 355
Tho' nothing else, at least her sport,
She open'd it, and read it out.
With many a smile and leering flout:
Resolv'd to answer it in kind.
And thus perform'd what she design'd. 360
• It was fashionable before Mr. Butler's lime to be prolix In
the superscription of letters. Common fo/nis were, — To my
lunch honored friend — To the most exce'l^ft lady — To my lov-
ing cousin — These i>rosent with care and »f eed, &c
THE
LADY'S ANSWER
TO THE
KNIGHT.
That you 're a beast and turu'd to grass,
Is no strange news, nor ever was ;
At least to me, who once, you know,
Did from tlie pound replevin you,*
When both your sword and spurs were wou S
In combat, by an Amazon ;
That sword that did, like fate, deterifiine
Th' inevitable death of vermin.
And never dealt its furious blows,
But cut the throats of pigs and cows, 10
By Trulla was, in single fight,
Disarm'd and wrested from its Knight,
Your heels degraded of your spurs,
And in the stocks close prisoners :
Where still they 'd lain, in base restraint, 15
If I, in pity of your complaint.
Had not, on hon'rable conditions,
Releast 'em from the worse of prisons ;
And what return that favour met.
You cannot, tho' you wou'd, forget ; SO
When being free, you strove t' esrade,
Tho oaths you had in prison made ;
Forswore yourself, and first deny'd it,
But after own'd, and justify'd it:
And when y' had falsely broke one vow, ZS
Absolv'd yourself, by breaking two.
For while you sneakingly submit.
And beg for pardon at our feet ;t
* A replevin is a re-deliverance of the thing distrained, to re-
main with the first possessor on security.
t The widow, to lieep np her dignity, and importance, speaks
>r herself in the plural number
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 479
Discourag'd by your guilty fears,
To hope for quarter, for your ears ; 30
Aud doubting 'twas in vain to sue,
You claim us boldly as your due.
Declare that treachery and force,
To deal with us, is th' only course :
We have no title nor pretence 35
To body, soul, or conscience,
But ought to fall to that man's share
That claims us for his proper ware ;
These are the motives which, t' induce,
Or fright us into love, you use ; 40
A pretty new way of gallanting.
Between soliciting aud ranting ;
Like sturdy beggars, that intreat
For charity at once, and threat.
But since you undertake to prove 45
Your own propriety in- love.
As if we were but lawful prize .
In war, between two enemies.
Or forfeitures which ev'ry lover,
That would but sue for, might recover, 50
It is not hard to understand
The myst'ry of this bold demand,
That cannot at our persons aim,
But something capable of claim.*
'Tis not those paltry counterfeit, 55
French stones, which in our eyes you set,
But our right diamonds, that inspire
And set your am'rous hearts on fire ;
Nor can those false St. Martin's beadst
Which on our lips you lay for reds, 60
And make us wear like Indian dames,t
Add fuel to your scorching flames,
But those two rubies of the rock
Which in our cabinets we lock.
'Tis not tjiose orient pearls, our teeth, § 65
* Their property.
f That is, artificial jewels. How they came to be called Saint
Martin's beads I Ivtiow not; unless from St. Martino near mount
Vesuvius, where the ejected lava is collected and applied to this
purpose. Mr. Montague Bacon says, that at Rochelle, not far
from St. Martin's, there is a sort of red stones called St. Martin's
beads.
t Female savages in many parts of the globe wear ornaments
of fish bone, or glass when they can get it, on their lips and
noses.
$ In the History of Don Fenise, a romance translated from the
480 THE LAI i"S ANSWER.
That you are so transported with.
But those we wear about our uecks,
Produce those amorous effects.
Nor is 't those threads of gold, our hair,
The periwigs you make us wear ; 7*
But these bright guineas in our chests,
That hght the wildfire in your breasts.
These love-tricks I've been vers'd in so,
That all their sly intrigues I know,
And can unriddle, by their tones, 75
Their mystic cabals, and jargones ;
Can tell what passions, by their sounds.
Pine for the beauties of my grounds ;
What raptures fond and amorous,
O' th' charms and graces of my house ; 80
What extasy and scorching flame.
Burns for my money in my name ;
What from th' unnatural desire.
To beasts and cattle, takes its fire ;
W^hat tender sigh, and trickling tear, 85
Longs for a thousand pounds a year ;
And languishing transports are fond
Of statute, mortgage, bill, and bond.*
These are th' attracts which most men fall
Enamour'd, at first sight, withal : 90
To these th' address with serenades,
And court with balls and masquerades ;
And yet, for all the yearning paiu
Ye've suffer'd for their loves in vain,
I fear they'll prove so nice and coy, 95
To have, and t' hold, and to enjoy ;
Spanish of Francisco de las Coveras, and printed 1656, mentioned
by Dr. Grey, p. 269, is the following passage: "My covetous-
'■ ness exceeding my love, cotiuselled nie that it was better to
" have gold money than in threads of hair ; and to possess pearls
"that resemble teeth, than teeth that were lilie pearls."
In praising C'liloris, moons, and stars, and skies,
Are quickly made to match her face and eyes ;
And gold and rubies, with as little care,
To fit the colour of her lips and hair:
And mixing suns, and fiow'rs, and pearl, and stones.
Make them serve all coniplections at once:
With these fine fancies at haphazard writ,
1 could make verses without art or wit.
Butler's Remains, v. i. p. 88.
• Statute is a short writing called Statute Marchant, or Statute
Staple, in the nature of a bond, &c., made accoriling tu the
form expressly provided in certain statutes, 5th Hen. iv. c. 1^
aod others.
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 481
That all your oaths and labour lost,
They'll ne'er turn ladies of the post.*
This is not meant to disapprove
Your judgment, in your choice of love, lOfl
Which is so wise, the greatest part
Of mankind study 't as an art ;
For love shou'd, like a deodand,
Still fall to th' owner of the land ;t
And where there's substance for its ground, 105
Cannot but be more firm aud sound,?
Than that which has the slighter basis
Of airy virtue, wit, and graces ;
Which is of such thin subtlety,
It steals aud creeps in at the eye, 110
And, as it can't endure to stay.
Steals out again, as nice a way.§
But love, that its extraction owns
From solid gold and precious stones,
Must, like its shining parent^ prove 115
As solid, and as glorious love.
Hence 'tis you have no way t' express
Our charms and graces but by these ;
For what are lips, and eyes, and teeth, ||
Which beauty invades and conquers with, 120
But rubies, pearls, and diamonds.
With which, a philter love commands ?ir
This is the way all parents prove,
In managing their children's love ;
* That is, will never swear for you, or vow to talse you for a
husband.
t Any moving thing which occasions the death of a man is
forfeiieil to the lord of the manor. It was originally intended
that he should dispose of It in acts (4" charity ; hence the name
deodand. Or it is a thing given, or rather forfeited to God, for the
parificalion of his wrath, in case of misadventurt. whereby any
Christian man conielh to a violent end, without the fault of any
reasonable creature. Lewis XIV. and others born of mothers
that had long been barren, were called Adeodati.
X Optima sed quare Cesennia teste marito?
Bis quingenta dedit. tanti vocat ille pudicam ;
Nee Veneris pharelris macer est ; aut lampade fervet :
Inde faces ardent, veniunt a dole sagittae.
Juvenal, vi. 135.
$ Farquhar has this thought in his dialogue between Archei
and Cherry. See the Beau.x Stratagem.
II rlvt ie6oiy.b)Tal irorc •
•Ot//££ ; <pUapia. Menand. Fragni,
IT Suppose we read, as in some editions,
mth which as philters love commands.
21
482 THE LADY'S ANSWER.
That force 'em t' intermany and wed, 121
As if th' were burying of the dead ;
Cast earth to earth, as in the grave,
To join in wedlock all they have,
And, when the settlement 's in force,
Take ah the rest for better or worse ; 130
For money has a pov/'r above
The stars, and fate, to manage love,*
Whose arrows, learned poets hold,
That never miss, are tipp'd with gold.t
And tho' some say, the parents' claims 135
To make love in their children's names,}
Who, many times, at once provide
The nurse, the husband, and the bride.
Feel darts and charms, attracts and flames.
And woo, and contract, in their names, . 140
And as they christen, use to marry 'em ;
And, like their gossips, answer for 'em ;
Is not to give in matrimony,
But sell and prostitute for money.
'Tis better than their own betrothing, 145
Who often do 't for worse than nothing ;
And when they 're at their own dispose,
With greater disadvantage choose.
All this is right ; but, for the course
You take to do 't, by fraud or force, 1 50
'Tis so ridiculous, as soon
As told, 'tis never to be done,§
• Et genus et formatn regina Pecunia donat,
Ac bene nummatum decorat Suadela Venusque.
Hor. Epist. lib. i. vi. 37.
'Eyu i' \nri\a^ov xPViyiyiovi tvai Otov;
T' apyvpiov I'lulv Kal to xP^''^'»' P-^vov.
Menand. Frag
t In Ovid's Metamorphoses, i. 468, Cupid employs two ar-
rows, one of gold, and the other of lead : the former causing
love, the latter avi rsion.
Eque sagittifera prompsit duo tela pharetra
fJiversorum operum : fugat hoc, facit illud amnrem.
Quod facit auratum est, et cuspide fulget acuta:
Quod fugat obtusum est, et habet sub arundine plumbum.
X Though it is thus printed in all the copies I have seen, yet
claim and name should seem a better reading, to avoid false con-
curd: for claim is the nominative case to Is in verse 143.
^ riee P. i. c. ii. 1. 076:
Shall dictum factum both be brought
To condign punishment.
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 483
No more than setters can betray,*
That tell what tricks they are to play.
Marriage, at best, is but a vow, 151
Which all men either break or bow ;
Then what will those forbear to do.
Who perjure when they do but woo ?
Such as beforehand swear and lie,
For earnest to their treachery, 160
And rather than a crime confess,
With greater strive to make it less:
Like thieves, who, after sentence past.
Maintain their inn'cence to the last ;
And when their crimes were made appear, 163
As plain as witnesses can swear.
Yet v/hen the wretches come to die,
Will take upon their death a lie.
Nor are the virtues you coufess'd
T' your ghostly father, as you guess'd, 170
So slight as to be justify'd.
By being as shamefully deny'd ;
As if you thought your word would pass.
Point-blank on both sides of a case :
Or credit were not to be lost 175
B' a brave knight-errant of the post,
That eats perfidiously his word,
And swears his ears thro' a two-inch board :t
Can own the same thing, and disown,
And perjure booty pro and con ; 180
Can make the Gospel serve his turn.
And help him out to be forsworn ;
When 'tis laid hands upon, and kist,
To be betray'd and sold, like Christ.
These are the virtues in whose name 185
A right to all the world you claim,
And boldly challenge a dominion,
In grace and nature, o'er all women;
Of whom no less will satisfy.
Than all the sex, your tyranny : 190
* Setter, a term frequent in tho comedies of the last century :
sometimes it seems to be a pimp, sometimes a spy, but most
usually an attendant on a cheating gamester, who introduces
unpractised youths to be pillaged by him; what a setting dog is
to a sportsman.
t That is, endeavors to shield himself from the punishment
due to perjury, the loss of his ears, by a desperate perseverancfi
in false swearing. A person is said to swear through a two-
Inch board, when he makes cath of any thing which was con
cealed from him by a thick door or partition.
484 THE LADY'S ANSWER.
Altho' you'll find it a hard province,
With all your crafty frauds and covins,* '
To govern such a num'rous crew,
Who, one by one, now govern you ;
For if you all were Solomons, IM
And wise and great as he was once.
You'll find they're able to subdue,
As they did him, and bafile you.
And if you are impos'd upon,
'Tis by your own temptation done : 200
That with your ignorance invite,
And teach us how to use the slight.
For when we find y're still more taken
With false attracts of our own making.
Swear that's a rose, and that's a stone, 205
Like sots, to us that laid it on,
And what we did but slightly prime,
Most ignorantly daub in rhyme ;
You force us, in our own defences.
To copy beams and influences ; 210
To lay perfections on the graces,
And draw attracts upon our faces ;
And, in compliance to your wit.
Your own false jewels counterfeit :
For, by the practice of those arts, 215
We gain a greater share of hearts ;
And those deserve in reason most.
That greatest pains and study cost ;
For great perfections are, like heav'n.
Too rich a present to be giv'n : 220
Nor are those master-strokes of beauty
To be perform'd without hard duty,
Which, when they're nobly done, and well,
The simple natural excel.
How fair and sweet the planted rose,t 225
* Covin is i term of law, signifying a deceitful compact be-
tween two or more, to deceive or prejudice others.
t This and the following lines are beautiful. Mr. Bacon sup-
poses that the poet alludes to Milton, when he says:
Though paradise were e'er so fair,
It was not kept so without care.
The moral sense of the passage may be found in Horace, lib,
iv. O. 4 :
Doctrina sed vim promovet insitam
Rectique cultus pec ora roborant.
And the sweetness of the verse In Catull. rarm. Nuptial.
39, &c. :
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 485
Beyond the wild in hedges grows !
For, without art, the noblest %eeds
Of flowers degenerate into weeds :
How dull and rugged, ero 'tis ground,
And polish'd, looks a diamond? 239
Though paradise were e'er So fair,
It was not kept so without care.
Tlie whole world, without art and dress,
Would be but one great wilderness ;
And mankind but a savage herd, 23S
For all that nature has conferr'd :
This does but rough-hew and design,
Lea res art to polish and refiue.
Though women first were made for men,
Yet men were made for them agen : 240
For when, out-witted by his wife,
Man first turn'd tenant but for life,*
If woman had not interven'd,
How soon had mankind had an end I
And that it is in being yet, 245
To us alone you are in debt.
Then where's your liberty of choice,
And our unnatural no-voice ? •
Since all the privilege you boast,
And falsely usurp'd, or vainly lost, 350
Is now our right, to whose creation
You owe your happy restoration.
And if we had not weighty cause
To not appear in making laws.
We cou'd, in spite of all your tricks, 255
And shallow formal politics.
Force you our managements t' obey.
As we to yours, in shew, give way.
Hence 'tis, that while you vainly strire
T' advance your high prerogative, 260
You basely, after all your braves.
Submit and own yourselves our slaves ;
And 'cause we do not make it known,
Nor publicly our int'rests own.
Like sots, suppose we have no shares 265
lu ord'ring you, and your affairs.
Ut flos in septis nasciturhortis,
Ijinouis pecnri, niillo contusus aratro,
(iiiein mulcent aurse, firniat sol, ectucat imber. •
* i. e. When man became subject to death by eating the for
bidden fruit at the persuasion of the woinan.
486 THE LADY'S ANSWER.
When all your empire, and command,
You have from us, at'second hand ;
As if a jiilot, that appears
To sit still only, while he steers, ' 87S
And does not make a noise and stir,
Like ev'ry common mariner.
Knew nothing of the chart, nor star,
And did not guide the man of war ;
IS'or we, because we don't appea-r 875
Li councils, do not govern there :
While, like the mighty Prester John,
Whose person none dares look upon,*
But is preserv'd in close disguise.
From b'ing made cheap to vulgar eyes, 280
W' enjoy as large a pow'r unseen.
To govern him, as he does men :
And, in the right of our Pope Joan,
Make emp'rors at our feet fall down •
Or Joan de Pucelie's braver name, 385
Our right to arms and conduct claim ;
Who, tho' a spinster, yet was able
To serve France for a grand constable.
We make and execute all laws.
Can judge the judges, and the cause : 890
Prescribe all rules of right or wrong.
To th' long robe, and the longer tongue,
'Gainst which the world has no defence.
But our more pow'rful eloquence.
We manage things of greatest weight 295
In all the world's affairs of state ; '
Are ministers of war and peace,
That sway all nations how we please.
We rule all ciiurches, and their flocks.
Heretical and orthodox, 300
* The name or title of Prester .lohn, has been given by travel-
lers to the king of Tendiic in Asia, who, like the Abyssine, or
Lthiopian emperors, preserved great state, and did not con-
descend to be seen by his sulijects above twice or three times a
year. Mandeville, who pretends to have travelled over Prester
John's country, and is very prolix on the subject, makes him
sovereign of an archipelago of isles in India be\ond Bactria, and
says that, " A former emperor travelled into Egypt, where being
"present at divine service, he asked who those persons were
"that stood before the bishop? And being told they should be
" priests, he said, he would no more be called king, nor emperor,
" but priest; and would have the naine of him that came first
'"out of the priests, and was called John, and so have all the-
"emperors since been called Prester John." — Cap. 99.
THE LAD\ 'S ANSWER. 487
And are the heavenly vehicles
O' th' spirits in all conventicles.:*
By us is all commerce and trade
Improv'd, and manag'd, and decay'd :
For nothing can go olf so well, 305
Nor bears that price, as what we sell.
We rule in evTy public meeting,
And make men do what we judge fitting ;f
Are magistrates in all great towns.
Where men do nothing but wear gowns. 316
We make the man of war strike sail,
And to our braver conduct veil,
And, when he 'as chas'd his enemies,
Submit to us upon his knees.
Is there an officer of state, 31t
Untimely rais'd, or magistrate.
That's haughty and imperious ?
He's but a journeyman to us.
That, as he gives us cause to do't,
Can keep him in, or turn him out. 320
We are your guardians, that increase,
Or waste your fortunes how we please ;
And, as you humour us, can deal
In all your matters, ill or well.
'Tis we that can dispose alone, 325
Whether your heirs shall be your own ;
To whose integrity you must,
In spite of all your caution, trust ;
And, less you fly beyond the seas.
Can fit you witii what heirs we please ; 33C
And force you t' own them, tho' begotten
By French valets, or Irish footmen.
Nor can the rigorousest course
Prevail, unless to make us worse ;
Who still, the harsher we are us'd, 335
Are further off from I'ing reduc'd ;
And scorn t' abate, for any ills.
The least punctilio of our wills,-
Force does but whet our wits t' apply
Arts, born with us, for remedy, 340
Which all your politics, as yet.
* As good veliicles at least as the cloak-bag, which was said
to have conveyed the same from Rome to the council of Trent.
t A great part of what is here said on the political influence
of women, was aimed at the court of Charles II., or perhaps at
the wife of General Monk.
4S8 THE LADY'S ANSWER.
Have ne'er been able to defeat :
For, when ye 've try'd all sorts of ways,
What fools do we make of you in plays?
While all the favours we atford, 345
Are but to girt you with the sword,
To fight our battles in our steads,
And have your brains beat out o' your heads ;
Encounter, in despite of nature.
And fight, at onee, with fire and water, 350
With pirates, rocks, and storms, and seas,
Our pride and vanity t' appease ;
Kill one another, and cut throats.
For our good graces, and best thoughts ;
To do your exercise for honour, 355
And have your brains beat out the sooner;
Oi crack'd, as learnedly, upon
Things that are never to be known :
And still appear the more industrious,
The more your projects are prepost'rous, 360
To square the circle of the arts.
And run stark mad to shew your parts ;
Expound the oracle of laws,
Aud turn them which way we see cause ;
Be our solicitors, and agents, 363
And stand for us in all engagements.
And these are all the mighty pow'rs
You vainly boast to cry down ours ;
And ivhat in real value's wanting.
Supply with vapouring and ranting: 370
Because yourselves are terrify'd,
Aud stoop to one another's pride •
Believe we have as little wit
To be out-hector'd, and submit :
By your example, lose that riglit 875
In treaties, which we gaiu'd in fight :*
And terrify'd into an awe.
Pass on ourselves a salique law ;t
* Enslanri, in every period of her history, has been thousht
more siiccessful in war than in negotiation. Conjireve. reflecting
n|inn queen Anne's last ministry, in his Epistle to Lord Cobhani,
says :
He far thnt guilt, be never known that shame,
That Rritain should retract her rifihlful claim,
Or stain with |)en the triumphs of her sword !
t The salique law dehors the succession of females to some
inheritances. Thus kiiiphts' fees, or lands hnlden of the crowa
by knights' service, are in some parts, as the learned Selden ob
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 489
Or, as some nations use, give place,
And truckle to your mighty race : 380
Let men usurp th' unjust dominicin,
As if they were the better women.*
serves, terroe salicac: males only are allowed to inherit such
lands, because the females cannot perform the serviced for
which they are granted. See Selden's notes on the seventeenth
song of Drayton's Polyolbion. The French have extended this
law to the inheritance of the crown itself. See Shakspeare,
Henry V., Act i. scene ii.
* The Lady concludes with great spirit: but it may be that
the influence of the sex has not been much overrated by her.
.\ristophanes hath two entire plays to demonstrate, ironically,
the superiority of the female sex. See v. 538 of the Lysislrata,
In Butler's Common-place Book, are the following lines unilef
the article JfTature and Art:
The most divine of all the works of nature
Was not to make the model, but the matter:
A man may build without design and rules
But not without materials and tools :
This lady, like a fish's row, had room
For such a shoal of infants in her womb :
The truest glasses naturally misplace
The lineaments and features of her face,
The right and left still counterchange,
And in the rooms of one another range ;
Nature denies brute animals expression.
Because they are incapable of reason.
Precious stones not only do foretell
The dire effects of poison, but repel
When no one person's able t' understand
The vast stupendous uses of the hand ;
The only engine helps the wit of man.
To bring the world in compass of a span :
From raising mighty fabrics on the seas,
To filing chains to fit the necks of fleas.
The left hand is but deputy to the right,
That for a journeyman is v/ont t' einplof 't
2i»
INDEX TO THE NOTES.
rxoE.
Act (deuce 225
Achilles 131
Achimphel 388
Acteoii lUl
Atlniinistrings 353
Adriatic 244
Affidavit hand 3-27
malters 381
Aganda 92
Agitators 380
Agrippa, Sir 61,279
Ajax 93,100
Albertus 194
Magnus 95
Alcoran 415
Alessandro Tassoni (Life) 21
Alexander Hales 42
the Great 159
Alimony 351
Allegorical explanation of
Hiidihras (Life) 26
Alligators 413
Almanac 262
Amazons 339
Anagram 338
Anaxagoras 283
Anchorite 343
Aninialia 169
Animals bandy'd balls ••. . 82
Anthroposophus 61
Antipathies, perverse 45
Antwerp 257
Apocryphal 396
Apollo 89
Apollonius 280
ofTyana 62
Apostles 245
Aquinas, Thomas 42
Aralus 270
Arbitrary ale and wine .•. 461
Arsie versie 153
Arthur 50
Aruspicy and Aug'ry 252
Ascendant 267
Atoms justiing 300
1 Alone 400
t Augustus 282
Austrian Archduke 132
1 A verrhois 281
Babel, laborers of 39
i Babylon, whore of • . . 162, 245
! Bacon, Roger 95
! Bacrack 451
I Bail 329
Bardashing 320
Barnacles 397
Barratry 463
Bases 216
white 113
Bassa 211
Bawd and Brandy 216
Beards 47, 183, 315,369
Bears whelped without
form 170
Beavers 81
Beer glasses 210
Behuien, Jacob 61
Berenice 288
Bet 413
Biancafiore 211
Bilks 267
Birds, speech of •• 62
Blackcaps 165
Black-pudding 384
Board 316
Bobbing 359
Bombastus 277
Boniface - 167
Bonner, Bishop 236
Booker 258, 298
Booth, Sir George (Life) •• 27
Bos, abb6du (Life) 28
Bough, golden 57
Boute-feus 72
Bow 323
Bray'd 305
Breeches, Adam's first
green 60
Breese 367
4i)2
INDEX.
Brewer 53
Bright, Mr. Henry, his epi-
taph (Life) 10
Broking-trade in love 324
Brotherhood, holy 35G
Brown ("Life) 25
Brown-bills.. 392
Bucephalus 55, 187
Bullen, siege of 49
Bull-feasts 314
Bulwer(Life) 25
Bunikin 54
Burton (Life) 25
Butler (Life) 9-17
Byfield 396
Oabal 59,
Cacus
Caitilf
Ca Ira of Paris (Life)
Calamies and Cases
Calatny
Caldes'd
Calendae
Caliban
Caligula
Callistratus (Life)
Cambay, prince of
Camelion
Cannibal
Capriches
Cardan
Cardinals
Carew
Carinina Macaronica (Life)
Carnal liour-glass
Carneades
Carroches
Casa, Cardinal
Case
Cashier'd and chous'd ....
Catasta
Cause
Cajsar's horse
CiEsar, Julius 95,
Cerberus
Chaii, modern
Chaldeans
Chaldean conjurers
Characters by Bishop Earle
(Life)
Butler (Life)
Cleveland
(Life)
Chariots, whimsy'd
Charles XII
Chartel
Charters, old
Cheat
Cheek by joul
Chimera
409
193
140
25
396
106
295
291
320
453
24
207
179
56
320
290
108
221
"23
161
38
448
191
106
372
187
104
54
282
39
59
28*
291
17
17
17
307
152
36
200
251
182
170
PAGE
Chineses 333
Chitterlings 85
Chous'd 295
Chronical 289
Church discipline 105
dragoons 373
militant 44
Circulation 289
Clapper-clawing 220
Classic •• 74
Classics 208
Clergy of her helly 342
Cloistered friars 339
Coals, price of 384
Cold iron 127
Colon 100
Comets 46,84
Commendation ninepence 57
Commissioners 164
Committee-men 3f., Ill
Commuted 318
Conclave • 427
Conjurers 276,279
Conscience 354, 399
Constellations 270, 288
Conventicle 427
Conventicles 487
Cook 433
Copernicus • • • 290
Cordeliere 48
Cornets 406
Cornwall 259
Corrupted texts 368
Cotton's travesty (Life) • • 23
Cough 33
Course without law 307
Coursing (Life) 11
in the schools . - • 422
Covenant 70
Covins 484
Cow-itch • 2.35
Coy 342
Cravat 165
Crete, queen of 192
Creusa 89
Crincam 335
Cromwell 77, 224, 249
Crony 350,423
Crooked sticks 399
Cross and pile 334
the cudgels 370
Crowdero 84, 85
Crowley, poet 83
Cucking-stool 24*
Culpepper 2.'58
Culprits 301
Cup, ancient 59
Cupid ; 133
Curmudgin . •'• 236
Curry 235
Curule wit -' 69
INDEX.
493
PAGE.
.. Jll
.. 71
Cul-purse
Cynarccoinarchy
Dacser 52
Dalilahs 41(i
Damon 418
nazzlinp-rooin 312
Dea<l liDises 332
Dee, Or 2(">1
Demosthenes 40
Denham, Sir John 2G8
Deodand 481
330
3t)9
277
32]
375
Deshornnjrh
Devil's dain
looking-glass •
Dewtry
Dial
DialecticSs 1C9
Diastole 205
Diego, Don 86
Dighy, Lord 104
-- — Sir Kenelm (Life) 25
Dighled 157
Diogenes 159, 339
Diomedes 101
Directory IGO, 2.37
Discretion 185
Disparata 174
Dispose 65
Dissenters 414
Dividends 370
Diurnals 180
Doctor, epidemic 94
Doctor's bill 65
Dog-bolt 178
Doll, common 390
Dolts 393
Donship 444
Don/.el 274
Double rhymes (Life) •••• 27
Doublets 201
Drasiin's tail 271
Drazels 345
Dream, erroneous 377
Drill'd 143
Drudging 52
Druids 203
Dr jui heads. . - • • 31J5
Dry-n-arsed by a bear .... 87
Ducatoon 132
Dudgeon 33, 52
Dun 431
Scotus 42
Dunstan 276
Earls Crooinlie (Life) 11
Ears, inward 315
long ones 35
Echo 134
Efficace 394
Egyptians worship dogs . . 72
FAGK.
Eggs 243
rotten 306
Elenchi 169
Elephant 106
Elf .V24
Elysium 312
Empedocles 80
Enchantment 277
Engagement 222
Engine 191
Ensconc'd 142
Entity and quiddity 41
Epistolffi obscurorum viro-
rum (Life) 23
Errant 44
Erra Pater 40
Eratosthenes 270
Esse.x 22.1
Et cetera, oath 109
E.vecution 315
E.xempts 394
E.vigent 346
E.\igents 52
Ex officio 229
E.xpedient 224, 391 .
Extend 456
Extract numbers out of
matter 63
Facet 201
Fadg'd 369
Fame 179
Fanatics 359
Fantastic 189
Fantastical advowtry •••• 321
Fate 252
Fears 34
Feathers 156
Fellow 93
Fern 440
Fight again 449
Fig-tree (Life) 22
Fines 343
Fisher's Folly.....' 407
Fisk 268
Fitters 313
Fleetwood 380
Florio 211
Floud 61
Forlorn hope 303
Four seas 331
Frankpledge 229
Freewill 45
Fulhams 203
Gabardine 145
Galenist 457
Gallows-tree 2r)8
Ganzas 285
Gaf)lers, Roman 329
I Gauntlet, blue
113
494
INDEX.
PAGE.
Generation 341
Genethliacs 282
Geomancy 349
Geometry 288
George-a-Green 236
Georfje, Sir or saint !)3
Gibellines 309
Gills 243
Gizzards 398
Glass 333
Glassy bubble 232
CMeaves 393
Glow-worm 371
Goats .398
Gondibert 99
Goropins Becanus 43
Gossip 181
Grass 101
Greasy light 251
Greece 284
Green-hastings 305
Greenland 333
Green-men 334
Greshamcarts 303
college 308
Grey, Dr. (Life) 16
Grind her lips upon a mill 201
Grizel 113
Gros led, Robert 260
Groves 381
Guells ^ 399
Gymnosojdiist 259
Haberdasher 388.
Habergeon 145'
Hal)-nal> 294
Hallowing carriers' packs
and bells 384
Halter proof 314
Hampden 104
Hans-mwns 379
Hardiknule 348
Hard words 33
Hares 243
Harpocrates 430
Harrison 221
Haunches 384
Hayley(Ufe) 2.5
Hazlerig 4S2
Heart-breakers 47
Hebrew roots 37
Hector 118
Heir apparent 379
Helmoiit 210
Hemp-plot 370
Henderson 421
Heraclides 333
-(Life) 26
Herald •• 281
Hermetic !,(0 i
Uiccius Doctius 4!i0
PASK
High places ■ ..302
Hight 41,255
Hint 307
Hipparchus(Life) 24
Hoccamore 451
Hocus-pocus 464
Holborn 389
Holders-forlh 423
Holidays 381
Holland 77
HoUowflint 264
Honor 233
Honor's temple 208
Hook or Crook 408
Horary inspection 294
Horseman's weight 379
Horse-shoe 204
Hose 300
Hudibras, his name .32
Hugger-mugger 137
Hughson 423
Huns 92
Hurricane 376
Hypocondres 2S5
Idus 291
Ignatius 395,433
Ignis fatuus 59
Implicit aversion 197
generation 331
Imprimatur for Hudibras
(Life) 12
Independents 55
Indian magician 270
plantations 270
widows 332
Indians fought for monkeys'
teeth 72
Infant 292
Ingenuity and wit 203
Ingram, Mr. (Life) 30
Injunction, original (Life) 13
Intelligible world 60
Intelligences 270
Influences 2~7
Irish, wild 60
Iron lance 297
Ironside 348
Issachar 304
Jacob's staff 286
Jealousies 34
Jefferies, Thomas (Life).. U
Jesuits 227
Jimmers, Sarah 293
Joan of France 97
Job 113
Jobbernol 403
Justice 459
Kelly .
358,261 S77
INDEX.
4<J5
PAGE.
iCine Jesus 380
Kircherus 434
Knacks 2i)8
Knee, stubborn 36
Knight, (Jubbed 121
Knightsbridae 415
Knights, cross-legged.. 5G, 46.0
of the post. • . 64, 254
Ladies of the lakes 341
L:idv-day 346
I^imberi 380
L;tocoon 77
Law, goes to 45fi
Laws, fundamental 71
Lawyers 251
Lay-elder 162
Leiigue, holy, in France . . lUi)
Leaguer 190
Learning, ancient and mod-
em 82
that cobweb of
the brain 171
Leash of languages 39
Leech 91
Lenthal 308
Lescus 261
Levet ; 239
Lewkners 341
Leyden, John of ». 380
Light, new 285
Lilbnurn 38S
Lilliburlero (Life) 24,25
Lilly, William... . 40, 258, 298
Li nsey- woolsey 383
Linstock 247
Lob's pound 156
Longees 316
Loudon 2.57
Love 209,481
Loveday, Dr. (Life) 30
Lovers 344
Louse 264
Luez 435
Luke, Sir Samuel 35
his family (Life) .. 12
Lunatics 285
Lunsford 415
Lurch 301,373
Lute-strings 263
Luther, Martin 257
Lydiandubs 210
Jlachia vel 3.54
RIagi. Persian 368
Magnano 159
Mahomet 46,270,395
Maidenheads 263
Mainprized 254
Maintenance 463
Milignants 108
PAGE.
Mall, English 97
Mamaluke 76
Mandrake 337
Rlanicon 322
Mantles della guerre 942
Mantos, yellow 334
Marcle-hill 417
Margaret's fast 391
Marriage 193,329-331
Marry 462
Mars 259
Marshal Legion's 442
Mascon 257
Masses 421
Mathematic line 338
Matter, naked 03
Mazarenade (Life) 24
Mazzard Ill
Median emperor 282
Med'cine 251
Melampus 62
Menckenius 260
Mercurius aulicus (Life).- 13
Merlin 96
Meroz 417
Metaphysic wit 41
Metonomy 275
Michaelmas 546
Milton C7
Mince pies 43
Miscreants 376
Mompesson 182
Mouius 232
Monies 423
Montaigne 216
playing with his cat 33
Moon 213,262
Moral men 376
Mordicus 72
Morpion 326
Mother wits 471
Music malleable 44
Nab, mother 406
Naked truth 445
Napier 299,387
Nash 301
National 74
Navel 44
Nebuchadnezzar 467
Necromantic 254
Negus 187
Neile 308
Nevv-enlighlened men • •• • 372
Nick 355
Night 3.56
Niuimers 298
Nine-worthiness 113
Nock 49
Noel, Sir Martin 431
Nokes, Joan of 331
496
INDEX.
PAGE.
Number of the beast 404
Niinclieons 51
Nurenlierg, Eusebius 85
Nurse, to 30t)
Nurture 3(lG
Nye 396, 472
Oaths
Ob
Ocham. William
Old tlogs, young
'I'esiament
women
Oliver Cromwell
Onslaujiht
Opposition
Orcades
Ordeal
Ordinances 72,
Orifien (Life)
Orsin 86,
Os sacrum
Ovation
Owen •••• »
Owl
Athenian
Oxford (I/ife)
Lord (Life)
Padders
Palmistry
Paper lanthorn.-..
Paracelsian
Paracelsus
Paradise, bird of • •
on earth •
seat of- • •
Parliament, female .
Paris, garden
Parthians 130,
Patents
Pawns
Paws, bears suck them • • •
Paying poundage
Pearce, Dr. Zachary (Life)
Peccai'illos
Pegu, emperor of
Pendulum
Penguins •
Penitentials
Penthesile
Perfection-truths
Pernicmn
Perpendic'lars
Perriwigs 156,
Persia
Petard
Petitions
Petronel
Pharsalia
Philip and M«ry
FAOB.
Philips, Sir Richard 349
Philo (Life) 26
Philters 312
Physiognomy of grace .••• 164
Picqueer 389
Picture, uch of 67
Pie-powder 229
Pigeons, eastern 179
Pigs 415
Pipsney 198
Pipkins 164
Pique 403,411
Pithy saws 268
Plagiaries 458
Planetary nicks 277
Platonic lashing 320
Plato's year 3.18
Pope 398
Pope's ball 163
Populia 73
Port cannons 156
Po, spirit 357
Postulate illation 207
Potenlia 41
Potosi 322
Poundage of rei)er.tance •• 361
Powdering tubs 410
Presbyterians .••• .55, 162, lt)6
Prester John 186
PreteiTces to learning ridi-
culed (Life) 25
Pride,Sir 423,433
Prior (Life) 20
Priscian 225
Privilege, frail 71
Proboscis 265
IProclus fLife) 26
I Proletarian 70
I Promethean powder 143
Prophecies 381
Protestation 73,222
Ptolemies 434
Public faith 224
Pug-robin 358
Pulpit 35
Punese 326
Punk 34
Purchas's Pilgrim (Life) •• 25
Purging comfits 138
Purposes 345
Purtenance 138
Pycmalion 139
Pyrrhus, King 186
Pythagoras 279
Pythias 418
Clnacks of government ... 385
Ouail'd 135
auarlile 292
Queen of night 355
Uuerpo 447
INDEX.
497
PAGE.
Question and command . . 346
nativity of 65
tiuillets 4ii5
Ciuint of Generals 43-2
Quirks 405
Rabbins
Ralpii
Ranks
Ranter
Ratiocination
Read a verse
Recant
Red-coat seculars
Reforniado 372,
Reformation
godly thorough
puppet play • • .
Reliiiion
Render
Replevin
Ribbons
Ride astride
Riding dispensation . . 315,
Rimnion
Rinaldo •••.
Ring
Robbers
Rochets
Rods of iron
Romances
Romulus
Rooks
Rosemary
Rosycrucian 62,
Rota-men
Rovers
Round table
Rovalists
Rump 380, 434,
Russell, Sir Winiam (Life)
Safety
Saints
beil
Saint Martin's beads ..
Salique lavi;
Saltinbancho
Sambenites
Sand-bags
Sarum
Satire Menipp6e
(Life) -..•
Saturn 259,273,
Sausage-maker
Saxon duke
Scaliger
Sceptic
Scire facias
Sconce
Bcribes
229
'55
450
171
169
313
222
382
420
104
44
64
368
31i
478
202
98
357
4(B
454
382
287
393
384
80
378
38
210
441
299
343
30
375
436
9
380
363
351
479
488
295
434
371
258
109
281
429
185
290
234
346
317
164
PAOK
Pcrimansky 91
Scriptures express on every
subject 74
Scrivener 133
Secchia rapita (Life) 21
Second-hand intention ••. 275
Secret ones 384,399
Secular prince of darkness 299
Sedgwick 272
Selden (Life) 12
Self-denying 119, 128
ordinance 119, 128
Semiramis 205
Sergeants 105
Serpent at the fall 44
Set 332
Shaftesbury, earl of 385
Shilling 334
Sickle 204
Sidrophel 255
, epistle to 304
Sieve and shears 96, 274
Signatures 323
Silk-worms 337
Sing a verse 313
Siruame of saint 384
Sir Sun 88
Skiminington 239
Skull. Indian 197
Slash'd sleeves 39
Slates, figured 264
Slubberdegullion 155
Smectymnnus 165
Snuffenlightened 58
Society Royal (Life) 25
Socrates 170
Sollers 422
Somerset, protector 81
Sooterkin 374
Soothsayers 291
Sorc'rers 256
Spaniard whipped 54
Spiritual order 373
Sporus 241
Squirt-fire 419
StRtfordshire 69.85
Stains 188
Stand-stable 1.38
State-canielion 38C
Statute 480
Stave and tail 87
Staved 131
Steered by fate 76
Stenlrophonic voice 319
Sterry, Peter 377
Stiles, John of 33
Stone, heavens made of .. 28
Stools 30
Strafford, earl of 268
Stum 198
Stygian ferry 377
498 INDEX.
Stygian sophister 297
Succussation 82
Sudden death 293
siipsiiM aeo
Sultan populace 451
Sunimer-sault 463
Sun 289
Surplices 382
Swaddle 36
Swanswick 371
Swedes 240
Swinging 219
Swiss 436
Syuii)ols, signs, and tricks 277
Sympathetic powder 90
Synods 381
Systole 265
Tail'd 131
Tails 206
Tales 464
Taliacotius 43
Talisman 59
Talismanique louse 325
Tarsal 269
Tartar 15^
TawM 211
Telescope 269
Ten-horn'd cattle 417
Termagants 98
Third estate of souls 384
Thirty tyrants 218
Thomas Aquinas 42
Thumb 382
Tillers 312
Tiresias 62
Toasts 210
Tobacco-stopper 271
Toledo 51
Tollutation 82
Toothache 263
Tottipottomoy 234
Trait 210
Triers 164
Trigons 291
Trine 292
Trismegistus 279
Triumph 239
Troth 188
Truckle-bed 219
True-blue Presbyterian... 44
Trulla 97
Trustees 38
covenanting 362
Truth 41,280
Tully 216
Turks 91,98
Tuscan running-horse .... 438
Two-foot trout 252
Tycho Brahe 40
Tyrian queen 56
PAGE
Unsanctified trustees 371
Utlegation 362
Varlet 192
Vermin 368
Vespasian 248
Vessel 313
Vestal nuns 339
Villain 331
Vinegar 265
Virgo 273
Vitilitigation 109
Vizard bead 346
Waller, Sir William
Walnut-shell
Warbeck, Perkin
Warders
Warwick, earl of
Washing
Water- witch 1%,
Welkin
Wesley, Mr. Samuel (Life)
Whachum 266,
Whale
Whetstone
Whiffler
Whinyard
Whistles
White
sleeves 354,
Whittington
Whv not
Wight
Wild, Sergeant
Will
Windore 193,
Winged arrows
Witches 230,
Lapland
Witherington
Withers
Wizards
Woodstock
Words congealed i.n north-
ern air .
debased and hard •
new
Workings-out
Wrest, in Bedfordshire
(Life)
Wrestlers, Greek and Ro-
man
Years of blood 404
Yell 146
Yerst 157
Zany 260
Zenith 270
Zodiac-constellation 5SH
Zoroaster 279
103
264
194
286
93
136
465
179
17
273
271
ISO
241
144
246
216
393
395
237
35
411
383
232
455
256
231
130
66
355
258
41
40
40
391
12
93
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