UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA
AT LOS ANGELES
\l^
y /
3 P f^ 7 5
^^Qdjclcpimt ,
■%. irari FEm^if
HUDIBRAS.
»i
SAMUEL BUTLER.
NOTES AND A LITERARY MEMOIR
BY THE
REV. TREADWAY RUSSEL NASH, D. D.
ILLUSTRATED WITH PORTRAITS, AND CONTAINING
A NEW AND COMPLETE INDEX.
" Noil deeruiit fortasse vililitig-atores, qui calumnientur, parcim leviores esse
nugas, quam ut theolog-um deceant, partiin mordaciores, quam ut Cliristiana
conveiiiant modesiiae." Erasm. Morim. Encom. Prafat.
J * o o .j 1>
NEW YORK:
D. APPLETON &- CO., 200 BROADWAY
1852.
46120
c « • « «
, < • cat •
■ • •• • <
L « •• • •
» • • . • .•
51 £
H © ^. N )
ADVERTISEMENT *
Little or- no apology need be offered to the Public
for presenting it with a new edition of Hudibras ; the
poem ranks too high in English literature not to be wel-
comed if it appear in a correct text, legible type, and on
good paper : ever since its first appearance it has been
as a mirror in which an Englishman miglit have Seen
his face without becoming, Narcissus-like, enamored of
it ; such an honest looking-glass must ever be valuable,
if there be worth in the aphorism of nosce ieipsi/m.
May it not in the present times be as useful as in any
that are past ? Perhaps even in tliis enlightened age a
little self-examination may be wholesome ; a man will
take a glance of recognition of himself if there be a
glass in the room, and it may happen that some indica-
tion of the nascent symptoms of the wrinkles of treason,
of the crows-feet of fanaticism, of the drawn-down
mouth of hypocrisy, or of the superfluous hairs of self-
conceit, may startle the till then unconscious possessor
of such germs of vice, and afford to his honester quali-
ties an opportunity of stifling them ere they start forth
in their native hideousness, and so, perchance, help to
avert the repetition of tiie evil times the poet satirizes,
which, in whatever point they are viewed, stand a blot
in the annals of Britain.
The edition in three quarto volumes of Hudibras, ed-
ited by Dr. Nasht in 1793, has become a book of high
* Prefixed to the Edition in 2 vols. 8vo. 1835.
t '• January 26, loll.— At his seat at Bevere, near Worcester,
" in his Slith year. Treadway Russel Nash, D. D., F. S. A., Rec-
" tor of Leifjh. He was of Worcester College in Oxford ; M. A.
" 174(5 ; B. and D. D. 17.')8. He was the venerable Father of the
" Magistracy of the County of Worcester ; of which he was an
" uiiright and judicious member nearly tifty years ; and a gentle-
" man of profound erudition and critical knowledge in the seve-
' ral branches of literature : particularly the History of his na-
" tive county, which he illustrated with indefatigable labor and
" expense to himself In exemplary prudence, moderation, affa-
' bility, and unostentatious manner of living, he has left no su-
b ADVERTISEMENT.
price and uucominou occurrence. It may justly b«
called a scholar's edition, altliough the Editor thus mod-
estly speaks of his annotations : " The principal, if not
" the sole view, of the annotations now offered to the
" public, hath been to remove these difficulties, (fluctua-
" tions of language, disuse of customs, &c.,) and point
" out some of the passages in the Greek and Roman
" authors to which the poet alludes, in order to render
" Hudibras more intelligible to persons of the coinmenta-
" tor's level, men of middling capacity, and limited in-
" formation. To such, if his remarks shall be found
" useful and acceptable, he will be content, though they
" should appear trifling in the estimation of the more
" learned."
Dr. Nash added plates* from designs by Hogarth and
La Guerre to his edition, but it may be thought without
increasing its intrinsic value. The Pencil has never
successfully illustrated Hudibras ; perhaps the wit, the
humor, and the satire of Butler have naturally, from
' perior ; of the Initli of which reinork the writer of this article
'could pnuluce iibuiidant proof from a personal intercourse of
' long continuance ; anil which he sincerely laments has now
' an end. — R." — GentlemaiCs jMan-aiine.
* Dr. Nash thus mentions them: "The engravings in this
'edition are chiefly taken from Hogarth's designs, an artist
' whose genius, in some respects, was congenial to that of our
' poet, though here he cannot plead the merit of originality, so
' much as in some other of his works, having borrowed a great
' deal from the small prints in the duodecimo edition of ITIU.f
" Some plates are added from origijial designs, and some from
' drawings by La Guerre, now in my possession, and one print
' representing Oliver Cromwell's guard-room, from an excellent
' picture by Dobson, very obligingly communicated by my wor-
' thy friend, Robert Bromley, Esq., of Abberley-lodge, in VVor-
' ccstershire ; the picture being seven feet long, and four high,
' it is difficult to give the likenesses upon so reduced a scale,
' but the artists have done themselves credit by preserving the
'characters of e.-ich figure, and the features of each face more
' exactly than could be expected: the i)icture belonged to Mr.
' Walsh, the poet, and has always been called Oliver Crom-
' well's guard-room : the figures are certainly portraits ; but I
' leave it to the critics in that line to find out the originals.
"When I first undertook this work, it was designed that the
' whole should be comprised in tw'o volumes : the fir<t compre-
'hcnding the poem, the secotui the notes, but the thickness of
' the paper, and size of the type, obliged the binder to divide
' each volume into two tomes ; this has undesignedly increased
'the number ni tomes, and the price of the work." [In this
edition the note.i nre placed under the text.]
t " Ilo^.irih was born in 1698, and the edition of Hudibras, witti hi> cun
publislieu 1726."
ADVERTISEMENT. 7
their general application, not sufficient of a local habita-
tion and a name to be embodied by the painter's art.
To some few of the notes explanatory of phrases and
words, the printer has ventured to make trifling additions,
which he has placed within brackets that they may not
be supposed to be Dr. Nash's, though had the excellent
dictionary of the truly venerable Archdeacon Todd, and
the Glossary of the late Archdeacon Nares, from which
they are principally taken, been in existence in 1793,
tiiere can be little doubt but Dr. Nash would have
availed himself of tli&m.
W N
en
SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ..
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
. The life of a retired scholar can furnish but little
matter to the biographer: such was the character of
Mr. Samuel Butler, author of Hudibras. His father,
whose name likewise was Samuel, had an estate of his
own of about ten pounds yearly, which still goes by the
name of Butler's tenement : he held, likewise, an estate
of three hundred pounds a year, under Sir William
Russel, lord of the manor of Strensham, in Worcester-
shire* He was not an ignorant farmer, but wrote a
very clerk-like hand, kept the register, and managed
all the business of the parish under the direction of his
landlord, near whose house he lived, and from whom,
very probably, he and his family received instruction
and assistance. From his landlord they imbibed their
principles of loyalty, as Sir William was a most zealous
royalist, and spent great part of his fortune in the cause,
being the only person exempted from the benefit of the
treaty, when Worcester surrendered to the parliament
in the year 1646. Our poet's father was churchwarden
of the parish the year before his son Samuel was born,
and has entered his baptism, dated February 8, 1612,
with his own hand, in the parish register. He had four
sons and three daughters, born at Strensham ; the three
daughters, and one son older than our poet, and two
* This information came from Mr. Gresley, rector of Strens-
ham, from the year 1706 to the year 1773, when he died, aged
100 : so that he was born seven years before the poet died.
10 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
sons younger : none of his descendants remain in the
parish, though some of them are said to be in the neigh-
boring villages.
Our author received liis first rudiments of learning at
home ; he was afterwards «!ent to the college school at
Worcester, then taught by Mr. Henry Briglit,* pre-
bendary of that cathedral, a celebrated scliolar, and
many years the famous master of the King's school
there ; one who made his business his delight ; and,
though in very easy circumstances, continued to teach
for the sake of doing good, by benefiting the families of
the neighboring gentlemen, who thought themselves
happy in having their sons instructed by him.
How long Mr. Butler continued under his care is not
known, but, probably, till he was fourteen years old.
* Mr. Bright is buried in the cathedral church of Worcester,
near the north pillar, at the tout of the steps which lead to the
choir. He was liorn 15G2, appointed schoolmaster laSli, made
prebendary 1G19, died 1626. The inscription in capitals, on a'
mural stone, now placed in what is called the Bishop's Chapel,
is as follows :
Mane liospes et lege,
Magister HENRICUS BRIGHT,
Celeberriiims gyninasiarcha,
Qui scholiE regioe istic fundatse per totos 40 annos
sumnia cum laude praji'uit,
Q,uo non alter magis sedulus '"uit, scitusve, ac dexter,
in Lalinis Gr;pcis llebraicis litleris,
feliciter edocendis:
Teste utraque academia quani iiistruxit afiatira
numerosa plebe literaria:
Sed et totidem annis eoque ani|)lius theologiam professus
Et hujus ecclesi;e per septennium canonicus major,
Saepissimo hie et alibi sacrum dei pra-coneni
magno cum zelo et fructu egil.
Vir plus, doctus, integer, IVugi, de republica
deque ecclesia optime meritus.
A laboribus per din noctuque ab anno 1,562
ad 1026 streriue usque exantlutis
4° iMartii suaviler requievit
in OoMiiiio.
See this npitajih, written by Dr. Joseph Hall, dean of Worces-
ter, in Tuller's Worthies, p. 177.
I have endeavored to revive the memory of this great and
good teacher, wishing to e.xcite a laudable emulation in our
proymcial schoolmasters ; a race of n)eii, who, if tbey execute
their trust with abilities, industry, and in a proper manner, de-
serve the highest honor and patronage their country can bestow
as they have an opportunity of lonununicating learnin-' at a
moderate expense, to the middle rank of gentry, witho"ut the
danger of ruining their fortunes, and corrupting their morals or
their health: this, though foreign to my present purpose, the
respect and affection I bear to my neighbors extorted from me.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 11
Whether he was ever entered at any university is lui-
certain. His biographer says he went to Cambridge, but
was never matriculated : Wood, on tlie authority of
Butler's brotiier, says, the poet spent six or seven years
there ;* but as other things are quoted from the same
authority, which I believe to be false, I should very
much suspect the truth of this article. Some expres-
sions, in his works, look as if he were acquainted with
the customs of Oxford. Coursing was a term peculiar
to that university ; see Part iii. c. ii. v. 1244.
Returning to his native country, he entered into the
service of Thomas JefFeries, Esq., of Earls Croombe,
who, being a very active justice of the peace, and a
leading man in the business of the province, his clerk
was in no mean office, but one that reqaiied a know-
ledge of the law and constitution of his country, and a
proper behavior to men of every rank and occupation :
besides, in those times, before tlie roads were made
good, and short visits so much in fashion, every large
family was a community within itself: the upper ser-
vants, or retainers, being often the younger sons of
gentlemen, were treated as friends, and the whole family
dined in one common hall, and had a lecturer or clerk,
who, during meal times, read to them some useful or
entertaining book.
Mr. JefTeries's family was of this sort, situated in a
retired part of the country, surrounded by bad roads,
the master of it residing constantly in Worcestersiiire.
Here Mr. Butler had the advantage of living some time
in the neighborhood of his own family and friends : and
having leisure for indulging his inclinations for learning,
he probably improved himself very much, not only in
the abstruser branches of it, but in the polite arts : here
he studied painting, in the practice of which indeed his
proficiency was but moderate ; for I recollect seeing at
Earls Croombe, in my youth, some portraits said to be
painted by iiim, which did him no great honor as an
artist.t 1 have heard, lately, of a portrait of Oliver
Cromwell, said to be painted by our author.
* His residing in the neighborhood might, perhaps, occasion
the idea of his having been at Cambridge.
t In his MS. Cominon-place book is the following observation :
it is more difficult, and requires a greater mastery of art in
painting, to foreshorten a figure exactly, than' to draw three at
their just length; so it is, in writing, to express any thing natu
rally and briefly, than to enlarge and dilate :
12 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
After continuing some time in this service, he was
recommended to Elizabeth Countess of Kent, who lived
at Wrest, in Bedfordshire. Here he enjoyed a literary
retreat during great part of the civil wars, and here
probably laid the groundwork of his Hudibras, as he
had the benefit of a good collection of books, and the
society of that living library, the learned Selden. His
biographers say, he lived also in the service of Sir Samuel
Luke, of Cople Hoo Farm, or Wood End, in that
county, and that from him he drew the character of
Hudibras :* but such a prototype was not rare in those
times. We hear little more of Mr. Butler till after the
Restoration: perhaps, as Mr. Selden was left executor
to the Countess, his employment in her affairs might
not cease at her death, though one might suspect by
Butler's MSS. and Remains, that his friendship with
that great man was not without interruption, for his
satirical wit could not be restrained from displaying itself
on some particularities in the character of that eminent
scholar.
Lord Dorset is said to have first introduced Hudibras
to court. November 11, 1662, the author obtained an
imprimatur, signed J. Berkenhead, for printing his poem ;
accordingly in the following year he published the first
part, containing 125 pages. Sir Roger L'Estrange grant-
ed an imprimatur for the second part of Hudibras, by
And therefore a judicious author's blots
Are more ingenious than his first free thoughts.
This, and many other passages from Butler's MSS. are inserted,
not so much for their intrinsic merit, as to please those who are
unwilling to lose one drop of that immortal man; as Garrick
says of ShaKspeare :
It is my pride, my joy, my only plan,
To lose no drop of that immortal man.
* The Lukes were an ancient family at Cople, three miles
south of Bedford: in the church are many monuments to the
family an old one to the memory of Sir Walter Luke knight,
one of the justices nf the pleas, liolden before the most excellent
prince King Henry the Eighth, and dame Anna his wife : anoth-
er in remembrance of Nicholas Luke, and his wife, with five
sons and four daughters.
On a flat stone in the chancel is written.
Here lieth the Imdy of George Luke, Es(|.; he departed this life
Feb. 10, 173iJ, aged 74 years, the last Luke of Wood End.
Sir Samuel Luke was a rigid Presbyterian, and not an eminent
commander under Oliver Cromwell ; probably did not approvo
of the king's trial and execution, and therefore, with other Pres
byterians, both he and his futlier Sir Oliver were among the se-
cluded members. See Rushworlh's collections
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
13
the author of the first, November 5, 1663, and it was
printed by T. R. for John Martin, 1664.
In the Mereuriiis Auliciis, a ministerial newspaper,
from January 1, to January 8, 1662, quarto, is an ad-
vertisement saying, that " there is stolen abroad a most
" false and imperfect copy of a poem called Hudibras,
" without name either of printer or bookseller ; the true
" and perfect edition, printed by the autiior's original, is
" sold by Richard Marriott, near St. Dunstan's Church,
" in Fleet-street ; that other nameless impression is a
" cheat, and will but abuse the buyer, as well as the
" author, whose poem deserves to have fallen into better
" hands." Probably man)' other editions were soon af-
ter printed : but the fir.st and second parts, with notes to
both parts, were printed for J. Martin and H. Herring-
ham, octavo, 1674. Tiie last edition of the third part,
before the author's death, was printed by the same per-
sons in 1678 : this I take to be the last copy corrected by
himself, and is tliat from which this edition is in general
printed : the third part had no notes put to it during the
author's life, and who furnished them after his death is
not known.
In the British Museum is the original injunction by
authority, signed John Bcrkenhead, forbidding any print-
er, or other person whatsoever to print Hudibras, or any
part thereof, without the consent or approbation of Sam-
uel Butler, (or Boteler,) Esq.,* or his assignees, given at
Whitehall, 10th September, 1677; copy of this injunc-
tion may be seen in the note.t
It was natural to suppose, that after the restoration,
and the publication of his Hudibras, our poet should have
* Induced by this injunction, and by the office he held as sec-
retary to Richard earl of Carbury. lord president of Wales, I have
ventured to call our poet Samuel Butler, Esq.
t CHARLES R.
Our will and pleasure is, and we do hereby strictly charge and
conuuand, that no printer, bookseller, stationer, or other person
what-oever within our kingdom of England or Ireland, do print, re-
print, u Iter or sell, or cause to be printed, reprinted, uttered or sold,
a book or poem called Hudibras, or any part thereof, without the
consent and approbation of Samuel Botclcr, Esq., or his as-
signees, as they and every of them will answer the contrary at
their perils. Given at our Court at Whitehall, the tenth day of
Septem!)er, in the year of our Lord God J077, and in the 29th
year of our reign.
By his Majesty's command,
Jo. BERKENHEAD.
Miscel. Papers, Mus. Bibl. Birch. No. 4293.
Pint. 11. J. original.
14 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ,.,
appeared in public life, and have been rewarded for the
eminent service his poem did the royal cause ; but {His
innate modesty, and studious turn of mind, prevented so-
licitations : never having tasted the idle luxuries of life,
he did not make to himself needless wants, or pine after
imaginary pleasures : his fortune, indeed, was small, and
so was his ambition ; his integrity of life, and modest
temper, rendered him contented. . However, there is
good authority for believing that at one time he was grat-
ified with an order on the treasury for 300Z., which is
said to have passed all the offices without payment of
fees, and this gave him an opportunity of displaying his
disinterested integrity, by conveying the entire sum im-
mediately to a friend, in trust for the use of his creditors.
Dr. Zaciiary Pearse,* on the authority of Mr. Lowndes
of the Treasury, asserts, that Mr. Butler received from
Charles the Second an annual pension of 100/.; add to
this, he was appointed secretary to the lord president of
the principality of Wales, and, about the year 1GG7,
steward of Ludlow castle. With all this, the court was
thought to have been guilty of a glaring neglect in his
case, and the public were scandalized at the ingratitude.
The indigent poets, who have always claimed a prescrip-
tive right to live on the munificence of their cotempora-
ries, were the loudest in their remonstrances. Dryden,
Oldham, and Otway, while in appearance they com-
plained of the unrewarded merits of our author, oblique-
ly lamented their private and particular grievances ;
ndrpoKXov TTp6(painv, a(f>iov 5' avrHv Ki/Se fxas-of ;t or, as Sal-
lust says, nuUi mortalium injurife suee pai-vse videntur.
Mr. Butler's own sense of the disappointment, and the
impression it made on his spirits, are sufficiently marked
by the circumstance of his having twice transcribed the
following distich with some variation in his ]\IS. com-
mon-place book :
To think how Spenser died, liow Cowley nioiirn'd,
How Buller's faith and service were return'd.J
* See Granger's Biographical History of England, octavo, vol.
iv. )). 40.
t Homer— Iliad, 19, .103.
i I am aware of a ditTiculty that maybe started, that the Tra
geriy of CoMstantine tlie Great, to which Otway wrote the pro-
logue, according to Ciles Jacol) in his poetical Kcgistcr, was not
acted at the 'i'heatre Royal till 1081, four years after our poet's
death, but probably he had seen the MS. or heard the thought,
as both his MSS. difl'er somewhat from the printed copy.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 15
In the same MS. he says, " wit is very chargeable,
" and not to be maintained in its necessary expenses at
" an ordinary rate : it is the worst trade in the world to
" live upon, and a commodity that no man thinks he
" has need of, for those who have least believe they have
« most."
Ingenuity and wit
Do only make the owners fit
For nothing, but to be undone
Much easier than if th' had none.
Mr. Butler spent some time in France, probably when
Lewis XIV. was in the height of his glory and vanity :
however, neither the language nor manners of Paris
were pleasing to our modest poet ; some of his observa-
tions may be amusing, I shall therefore insert them in a
note.* He married Mrs. Herbert : whether she was a
* "The French use so many words, upon all occasions, that
if they did not cut them short in pronunciation, they would grow
tedious and insufferable.
"They infinitely affect rhyme, though it becomes their lan-
guage the worst in the world, and spoils the little sense they
have to make room for it, and make the same syllable rhyme to
itself, which is worse than metal upon metal in heraldry : they
find it much easier to write plays in verse than in prose, for it is
much harder to imitate nature, than any deviation from her ;
and prose requires a more proper and natural sense and expres-
sion than verse, that has something in the stamp and coin to an-
swer for the alloy and want of intrinsic value. I never came
among them, but the following line was in my mind:
Raucaque garrulitas, studiumque inane loquendi;
for thev talk so much, they have not time to think; and if they
had allthe wit in the world, their tongues would run before it.
"The present king of France is building a most stately tri
umphal arch in memory of his victories, and the great actions
which he has performed : but, if I am not mistaken, those edili-
ces which bear that name at Rome, were not raised by the em-
perors whose names they bear, (such as Trajan, Titus, &c.,) but
were decreed by the Senate, and built at the expense of the jmb-
lic ; for that glory is lost, which any man designs to consecrate
to himself.
"The king takes a very good course to weaken the city of Pa-
ris by adorning of it, and to render it less, by making it appear
greater and more glorioiis ; for he pulls down whole streets to
make room for his palaces and public structures.
" There is nothing great or magnifiL-ent in all the couiitry, that
I have seen, hut the buildings and furniture of the king's houses
and the churches; all the rest is mean and paltry.
"The king is necessitated to lay heavy taxes upon his subjects
in his own defence, and to keep them poor, in order to keep then,
quiet ; for if they are suffered to enjoy any plenty, they are natu-
rally so insolent, thiU they would become ungovernable, and use
him as they have done his predecessors : but he has rendered
himself so strong, that they have no thoughts of attempting any
thing in his time.
16 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
widow, or not, is uncertain ; with her he expected a con-
siderable fortune, but, through various losses, and kna-
very, he found himself disappointed : to this some have
attributed his severe strictures upon the professors of the
law ; but if his censures be properly considered, they will
be found to bear hard only upon the disgraceful part of
each profession, and upon false learning in general : this
was a favorite subject with him, but no man had a great-
er regard for,orwas a better judge of the worthy part of the
three learned professions, or learning in general, tiian
Mr. Butler.
How long he continued in office, as steward of Lud-
low Castle, is not known ; but he lived the latter part
of his life in Rose-street, Covent Garden, in a studious
retired manner, and died there in the year 1680. — Ho
is said to have been buried at the expense of Mr. Wil-
liam Longueville, though he did not die in debt.
Some of his friends wished to have interred him in
Westminster Abbey with proper solemnity ; but not
finding others willing to contribute to the expense, his
corpse was deposited privately in the yard belonging to
the church of Saint Paul's, Covent Garden, at the west
end of the said yard, on tlie north side, under the wall
of the said church, and under that wall which parts the
yard from the common highway.* I have been thus
particular, because, in the year 1786, when the cliurch
was repaired, a marble monument was placed on the
south side of tiie church on the inside, by some of the
parishioners, which might tend to mislead posterity as
to the place of his interment : their zeal for the memory
of the learned poet does them honor ; but the writer of
the verses seems to have mistaken the character of Mr.
Butler. The inscription runs thus:
" This little monument was erected in the year 1786,
" by some of the parishioners of Covent Garden, in
"The churchmen overlook all other people as haughtily as the
tnurches anil steeples do private; houses.
"The French ilo nothin<; without ostentation, and the king
himself is not behind vvithliis triumphal arches consecrated to
himself, and his impress of the sun, noc pliirilius impar.
"The French kine having copies of the best pictures from
Rome, is as a groat prince wearing clothes at second hand : the
king in his prodigious charge of buildings and furniture docs the
same thing to himself that lie means to do by I'aris, renders him-
self weaker, by endeavoring to appear the more magnificent: lets
go the substance for shadow."
* See Butler's Life, printed before the small edition of Hudi-
bras in 1710, and reprinted by Dr. Grey.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
17
" memory of the celebrated Samuel Butler, who was
" buried in this church, A. D. 1680.
" A few plain men, to pomp and state unknown,
"O'er a poor bard have raised this humble stone,
" Whose wants alone his genius could surpass,
" Victim of zeal ! the matchless Hudibras !
" What though foir freedom sufierM in his page,
" Reader, forgive the author for the age !
" How few, alas ! disdain to cringe and cant,
" When 'tis the mode to play the sycophant.
" But, oh ! let all be taught, from Butler's fate,
" Who hope to make their fortunes by the great,
" That wit and pride are always dangerous things,
" And little faith is due to courts and kmgs."
In the year 1721, John Barber, an eminent printer,
and alderman of London, erected a monument to our
poet in Westminster Abbey ; the inscription is as fol-
lows :
M.S.
Samuelis Butler
Qui Strenshamia; in agro Vigorn. natus 1612,
Obiit Lond. 1680.
Vir doctus imprimis, acer, integer,
Operibus ingenii non item prsmiis felix.
Satyrici ainul nos carminis artile.x egregius,
Qui simulata' religionis larvam detra.xit
Et perduellium scelera liberrime exagitavit,
Scriptorum in suo genere primus et postremus.
Ne cui vivo deerant fere onmia
Deesset etiam mortuo tumulus
Hoc tandem posito marmore curavit
Johannes Barber civis Londinensis 17SSI.
On the latter part of this epitaph the ingenious Mr
Samuel Wesley wrote the following lin«s :
While Butler, needy wretch, was yet alive.
No generous patron would a dinner give ;
See him, when starved to death, and turn'd to dust,
Presented with a monumental bust.
The poet's fate is here in emblem shown.
He ask'd for bread, and he received a stone.
Soon after this monument was erected in Westminster
Abbey, some persons proposed to erect one in Covent
Garden church, for which Mr. Dennis wrote the follow-
ing inscription :
Near this place lies interr'd
The body of Mr. Samuel Butler,
Author of Hudibras.
He was a whole species of poets in one :
Admirable in a manner
In which no one else has been tolerable:
A manner which began and ended in him,
2
18 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
In which he knew no guide,
And has found no followers.
Nat. 1(512. Ob. 1680.
Hudibras is Mr. Butler's capital work, and though
the characters, poems, thoughts, &c., published by Mr.
Thyer, in two volumes octavo, are certainly written by
the same masterly hand, though they abound in lively
sallies of wit, and display a copious variety of erudition,
j'et the nature of the subjects, their not having received
tiie author's last corrections, and many other reasons
which might be given, render them less acceptable to
tiie present taste of the public, which no longer relishes
the antiquated mode of writing characters, cultivated
when Butler was young, by men of genius, such as
Bisliop Earle and Mr. Cleveland ; the volumes, how-
ever, are very useful, as they tend to illustrate many
passages in Hudibras. Tiie three small ones entitled,
Postliumous Works, in Prose and Verse, by Mr. Samuel
BLitier, author of Hudibras, printed 1715, 1716, 1717,
aie all spurious, except the Pindaric ode on Duval the
highwayman, and perhaps one or two of the prose
pieces. As to the MSS. wliich after Mr. Butler's death
came into the hands of Mr. Longueville, and from
vviience Mr. Thyer published his genuine Remains in
ti.e year 1759 ; what remain of them, still unpublished,
arc either in the hands of the ingenious Doctor Farmer,
of Cambridge, or myself: for Mr. Butler's Common-place
Book, mentioned by Mr. Tliyer, I am indebted to the lib-
eral and public-spirited James Massey, Esq., of Rosthern,
near Knotsford, Cheshire. The poet's frequent and
correct use of law-terms* is a sutficient proof that he
was well versed in that science ; but if further evidence
were wanting, I can produce a MS. purchased of some
of our poet's relations, at the Hay, in Brecknockshire :
it ap])eur.s to bo a collection of legal cases and principles,
regularly related from Lord Coke's Commentary on
Littleton's Tenures : the language is Norman, or law
French, and, in general, an abridgment of the above-
mentioned celebrated work : for the authorities in the
margin of the MS. correspond e.vactly with those given
on the same positions in the first institute ; and the sub-
ject matter contained in each particular section of But-
jer's legal tract, is to be found in the same numbered
* Butler is said to have been a member of Gray's-inn, and of
a club with Cleveland and otbi'i- wUs nulined to llie royal cause.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
19
section of Coke upon Littleton : the first book of the
MS. likewise ends with the 84th section, which same
number of sections also terminates the first institute ;
and the second book of the MS. is entitled by Butler,
Le second livre del primer part del institutes de ley
d'Engleterre. The titles of the respective chapters of
the MS. also precisely agree with the titles of each
chapter in Coke upon Littleton ; it may, therefore, rea-
sonably be presumed to have been compiled by Butler
solely from Coke upon Littleton, with no other object
than to impress strongly on his mind the sense of that
author; and written in Norman, to familiarize himself
with the barbarous language in which the learning of
the common law of England was at that period almost
imiformly expressed. The MS. is imperfect, no title
existing, some leaves being torn, and is continued only
to the ]93d section, which is about the middle of Coke's
second book of the first institute.
As another instance of the poet's great industry, I
have a French dictionary, compiled and transcribed by
him : thus did our ancestors, with great labor, draw
truth and learning out of deep wells, whereas our mod-
ern scholars only skim the surface, and pilfer a super-
ficial knowledge from encyclopaedias and reviews. It
doth not appear that he ever wrote for the stage, though
I have, in his MS. Common-place book, part of an un-
finished tragedy, entitled Nero.
Concerning Hudibras there is but one sentiment — it
is universally allowed to be the first and last poem of its
kind ; the learning, wit, and humor, certainly stand un-
rivalled ; various have been the attempts to define or
describe the two last ; the greatest English writers have
tried in vain ; Cowley,* Barrow,t Dryden,! Locke,§
Addison, II Pope,^ and Congreve, all failed in their at-
tempts ; perhaps they are more to be felt than explain-
ed, and to be understood rather from example than pre-
cept ; if any one wishes to know what wit and humor
are, let him read Hudibras with attention, he will there
see them displayed ui the brightest colors : there is lus-
tre resulting from the quick elucidation of an object, by
* In his Ode on Wit,— t in his Sermon against Foolish Talk
Ing and Jesting, — J in his Preface to an Opera called the State
of Innocence,— § Essay on Human Understanding, b. ii. c. 2. —
II Spectator, Nos. 35 and 32.— U Essay concerning humor ia
Comedy, and Corbyn Morris's Essay on Wit, Humor, and Rail-
lery.
20 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
a just and unexpected an-anj^ement of it with anothei
subject ; propriety of words, and thoughts elegantly
adapted to tlie occasion : objects which possess an af-
finity and congruity, or sometimes a contrast to each
other, assembled witlu quickness and variety ; in short,
every ingredient of wit, or of humor, which critics have
discovered on dissecting them, may be found in this
poem. The reader may congratulate himself, that he
is not destitute of taste to relish both, if he can read it
with delight ; nor would it be presumption to transfer to
this capital author, Quinctilian's enthusiastic jiraise of a
great Ancient : hunc igitur spectemus, hoc propositum
sit nobis exemplum, ille se profecisse sciat cui Cicero
valde placebit.
Hudibras is to an epic poem, what a good farce is to
a tragedy : persons advanced in years generally prefer
the former, having met with tragedies enough in real
life ; whereas the comedy, or interlude, is a relief from
anxious and disgusting reflections, and suggests such
playful ideas, as wanton round the heart and enliven
the very features.
The hero marches out in search of adventures, to
suppress those sports, and punish those trivial offences,
which the vulgar among the royalists were fond of, but
which the Presbyterians and Independents abhorred ;
and which our hero, as a magistrate of the former per-
suasion, thought it his duty officially to suppress. The
diction is that of burlesque poetry, painting low and mean
persons and things in pompous language, and a mag-
nificent manner, or sometimes levelling sublime and
pompous passages to the standard of low imagery. The
principal actions of the poem are four : Hudibras's vic-
tory over Crowdero — Trulla's victory over Hudibras —
Hudibras's victory over Sidrophel — and flie Widow's
anti-masquerade : the rest is made up of the adventures
of the Bear, of the Skimmington, Hudibras's conversa-
tions with the Lawyer and Sidrophel, and his long dis-
putations with Ralpho and the Widow. The verse con-
sists of eight syllables, or four feet, a measure which, in
unskilful hands, soon becomes tiresome, and will ever
be a dangerous snare to meaner and less masterly imi-
tators.
The Scotch, the Irish, the American Hudibras, are
not worth mentioning : the translation into French, by
an Englishman, is curious ; it preserves the sense, but
cannot keep up the humor. Prior seems to have come
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
21
nearest the original, though he is sensible of his own in-
feriority, and says,
But, like poor Andrew, I advance,
False mimic of my mfister's dance ;
Around the cord awhile I sprawl,
And thence, tho' low, in earnest fall. =
His Alma is neat and elegant, and his versification
superior to Butler's ; but his learning, knowledge, and
wit, by no means equal. Prior, as Dr. Johnson says,
had not Butler's exuberance of matter and variety of
illustration. The spangles of wit which he could afford,
he knew how to polish, but he wanted the bullion of his
master. Hudibras, then, may truly be said to be the
first and last satire of the kind ; for if we examine Lu-
cian's l^ragopodagra, and other dialogues, the Caesars
of Julian, Seneca's Apocolocyntosis,* and some frag-
ments of Varro, they will be found very different : the
battle of the frogs and mice, commonly ascribed to Ho-
mer, and the Margites, generally allowed to be his,
prove this species of poetry to be of great antiquity.
The inventor of the modern mock heroic was Ales-
sandro Tassoni, born at Modena, 1565. His Secchia
rapita, or Rape of the Bucket, is founded on the popu-
lar account of the cau-se of the civil war between the
inhabitants of Modena and Bologna, in the time of
Frederic II. Tliis bucket was long preserved, as a
trophy, in the cathedral of Modena, suspended by the
chain which fastened the gate of Bologna, through
which the Modenese forced tiieir passage, aiiJ seized
the prize. It is written in the ottava Rima, the solemn
measure of the Italian heroic poets, has gone through
many editions, and been twice translated into French :
it has, indeed, considerable merit, though the reader
will scarcely see Elena trasfornrasi in una secchia.
Tassoni travelled into Spain as first secretary to Cardi-
nal Colonna, and died, in an advanced age, in the court
of Francis the First, duke of Modena : he was highly
esteemed for his abilities and extensive learning ; but,
like Mr. Butler's, liis wit was applauded, and unre-
* Or the mock deification of Claudius ; a burlesque of Apothe-
osis or Anathanatosis. Rciniarus renders it, non inter deos sed
inter tV.tuos rclatio, and quotes a proverb from Apuleius, Colo-
cyntuj caput, for a fool. Colocynta is metaphorically put for any
thing unusually large. Aij/iaj Ko\oKvvraii, in the Clouds of
Aristophanes, is to have tho eye swelled by an obstruction ai
big as a gourd.
22 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
warded, as appears from a portrait of him, with a fig ii:
his hand, under which is written the following distich :
Dextera cur ficum qiia;ris mea gestat iniiiiem,
Long; operis ineices ha;c fiiit, Aula dedit.
The next successful imitators of the mock-heroic,
have been Boileau, Garth, and Pope, whose res])ective
works are too generally known, and too justly :idmired,
to require, at this time, description or encomium. The
Pucelle d'Orleans of Voltaire may be deemed an imita-
tion of Hudibras, and is written in somewliat the same
metre ; but the latter, upon the whole, must be con-
sidered as an original species of poetry, a composilion
sui generis.
Unde nil majus gcneiatur ipsn ;
Nee viget quidquain simile aut secundum.
Hudibras has been compared to the Satyre Menippee
de la vertu du Catholicon d'Espagne, first published in
France in the year 1593 ; the subject indeed is some-
what similar, a violent civil war e.xcited by religious
•zeal, and many good men made the dupes of state poli-
ticians. After the death of Henry IH. of France, the
Duke de Mayence called together the states of the
kingdom, to elect a successor, there being many pre-
tenders to the crown ; tiiese intrigues were the founda-
tion of the Satire of Menippee, so called from Menippus
a cynic philosopbe-r, and rough satirist, introducer of the
burlesque species of dialogue. In this work are unveiled
the diti'crent views and interests of the several actors in
those busy scenes, who, under the pretence of publi",
good, consulted only their private advantage, passions,
and prejudices.
The book, which aims particularly at the Spanish
party,* went through various editions from its first pub-
* It is sometimes called Iliguero del infierno, or the fig-tree ot
floll, alluding tci the violent part the Spaniards took in the civil
wars of France, and in allusion to the title of Seneca's Apocolo-
cyntosis. By this tig-tree the author perhaps means the won-
derful hir or banian described by Milton.
The fig-tree, not that kind for fruit renown'd,
But such as at this day to Indians known
In Malabar or Decan, spreads his arms,
Branching so broad and long, that in the ground
The bended twigs tak<; root, and daughters grow
About the mother tree; a pillar'd shade
High over-arch'd, and echoing walks between.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS. 23
lication to 1726, when it was printed at Ratisbone in
three voUimes, with copious notes and index: it is still
studied by antiquaries with delight, and iu its day was
as much admired as Hudibras. D'Aubigne says of it,
il passe pour un chef d'ceuvre en son gendre, et fiit lue
avec una egale aviditc, et avec un plaisir mci-veilieux
par les royaiistes, par les politiques, par les Huguenots
et par les ligueurs de toutes les especes.*
M. de Thou's character of it is equally to its advan-
tage. The principal author is said to be Monsieur le
Roy, sometime chaplain to the Cardinal de Bourbon,
whom Thuanus calls vir bonus, et a factione summo
alienus.
This satire differs widely from our author's : like those
of Varro, Seneca, and Julian, it is a mixture of verse and
prose, and though it contains much wit, and Mr. Butler
had certainly read it with attention, yet he cannot be
said to imitate it : the reader will perceive that our poet
had in view Don Quixote, Spenser, the Italian poets,
together with the Greek and Roman classics : but very
rarely, if ever, alludes to Milton, though Paradise Lost
was published ten years before the third part of Hu-
dibras.
Other sorts of burlesque have been publisiied, such
as the Carmiua Macaronica, the Epistolce Obscurorum
Virorum, Cotton's Travesty, &c., but these are efforts
Mr. Ives, in his Journey from Persia, thus speaks of this won-
derful vegetable: "This is the Indian sacred tree; it grows to a
"prodigious height, and its branches spread a great way. The
"limbs drop down fibrous, which take root, and become another
"tree, united by its branches to the first, and so continue to do,
"until the tree cover a great extent of ground ; the arches which
" those different stocks make are Gothic, like those we see in
" Westminster Abbey, the stocks not being single, but appearing
"as if composed of many stocks, are of a great circumference.
"There is a certain solemnity accompanying these trees, nor do
"I remember that I was ever under the cover of any of them,
" but that my mind was at the time impressed with a reverential
■' awe." From hence it seems, that both these authors thought
Gothic architecture similar to embowered rows of trees.
The Indian fig-tree is described as of an immense size, capable
of shading 800 or 1,000 men, and some of them 3,000 persons.
In Mr. Marsden's History of Sumatra, the following is an account
of the dimensions of a remarkable banyan-tree near Banjer,
twenty miles west of Patna, in Bengal. Diameter 363 to 375
feet, circumference of its shadow at noon 1,116 feet, circumfer-
ence of the several stems, (in number 50 or 60,) 911 feet.
* Henault says of this work, Peut-6tre que la satire Menipp6e
ne fut gueres moins utile iv Henri IV. que la bataille d'lvri: Ic
ridicule a plus de force qu'on ne croit
24 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESCi-,
of genius of no great importance. Many burleisque and
satirical poems, and prose compositions, were published
in France between the years 1593 and 16G0, the au-
thors of which were Rabelais,* Scarron, and others;
the Cardinal is said to have severely felt the Maza-
renade.
A popular song or poem has alw ays had a wonderful
effect; the following is an excellent one from iEschylus,
sung at the battle of Salarnis, at which he was present,
and engaged in the Athenian squadron.
-""fl TTOiScs 'EX^>5i'uv ire,
iXtvdcpovTC -KaTpii', iXcvOspotiTC ii
ira^iag, yvfalKixs, Ozioi' tc Trarpi'tijiv iSrj,
d/JKai TE TTpoydi'Wv' vvv VTip -KavTwv aywv.
^^c^l. Pers;r, 1. 400.
The ode of Callistratus is supposed to have done em-
inent service, by commemorating the delivery, and pre-
venting the return of that tyranny in Athens, which
was happily terminated by the death of Hipparchus,
and expulsion of the Pisistratida'! ; I mean a song vvhich
was sung at their feasts beginning,
Ev fivpTov nXail to ^i(pos (poprjau),
[iancp ApfioSiOi k Api^oysiTOjv,
bre Tov Tvpai'i'ov KTaviTTjv,
hov6p.ovs t' Adijvas inoiriadTriv.
And ending,
A« (r05i' K^eoi eaazrai Kar aJav,
(piXraO^ AppdSts k' Api^oyetrov,
6ti tov Tvpavvov ktuvctov
laovdnov; r' AOf/vas titoifiaaTOV.
Of this song the learned Lowth says, Si post idus illas
Martias e Tyrannoctonis quispiam tale aliquod carmen
plebi tradidisset, inque suburram, et fori circujos, et in
era vulgi intulisset, actum profecto fuisset de partibus
deque dominatione CiPsarum : plus mehercule valuisset
unum ApiioSiov fiiXo; quaiii (^iceronis Philippica? omnes ;
and again, Num verenduni erat ne quis tyrannidem
Pisistratidarum Athenis instaurare auderet, ubi cantita-
retur ^K6Xtov illud Callistrati. — See also Israelitarum
Ettii'iVioi', Isaiah, chapter xiv.
Of this kind was the famous Irish song called Lilli-
* [Probably a misprint. Rabelais died in 1553, and his work
was first published at Lyons in 1533.1
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
25
burlero, whicli just before the Revolution in 1688, had
such an eifect, that Burnet says, " a foolish ballad was
" made at that time, treating the papists, and chiefly
" the Irish, in a very ridiculous manner, which had a
" burthen said to be Irish words, Loro joro lilliburloro,
" that made an impression on the (king's) army that
" cannot be imagined by those that saw it not. The
" whole army, and at last the people, both in city and
"country, were singing it perpetually: and perhaps
" never had so slight a thing so good an effect." Of
this kind in modern days was the song of God save
great George our king, and the Ca ira of Paris. Thus
wonderfully did Hudibras operate in beating down the
hypocrisy, and false patriotism of his tirne. Mr. Hay-
iey gives a character of him in four lines with great
propriety :
"Unrivall'd Butler ! blest with happy skill
"To heal by comic verse each serious ill,
" By wit's strong flashes reason's light dispense,
" And laugh a frantic nation into sense.''
For one great object of our poet's satire is to unmsisk
the hypocrite, and to exhibit, in a light at once odious
and ridiculous, the Presbyterians and Independents, and
all other sects, which in our poet's days amounted to
near two hundred, and were enemies to the King ; but
his further view was to banter all the false, and even all
the suspicious pretences to learnmg that prevailed in his
time, such as astrology, sympathetic medicine, alchymy,
transfusion of blood, trifling experimental philosophy,
fortune-telling, incredible relations of travellers, false
wit, and injudicious affectation of ornament to be found
in the poets, romance writers, &c. ; thus he frequently
alludes to Purchas's Pilgrim, Sir Kenelm Digby's books,
Bulwer's Artificial Changeling, Brown's Vulgar Errors,
Burton's Melancholy, the early transactions of the Royal
Society, the various pamphlets and poems of his time,
&c., &c. These books, though now little known, were
much read and admired in our author's days. The ad-
venture with the widow is introduced in conformity with
other poets, both heroic and dramatic, who hold that no
poem can be perfect which hath not at least one Epi-
sode of Love.
It is not worth while to inquire, if the characters
painted under the fictitious names of Hudibras, Crow-
dero, Orsin, Talgol, Trulla, &c , were drawn from real
life, or whether Sir Roger L'Estrange's key to Hudi-
26 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
bras bo a true one ; it matters not whetlier the hero were
designed as the picture of Sir Samuel Luke, Col. Rolls,
or Sir Henry Rosevveli, he is, in the language of Dryden,
knight of the Shire, and represents them all, that is, the
whole body of the Presbyterians, as Rajplio does that of
tiie Independents: it would be degrading the liberal
spirit and universal genius of Mr. Butler, to narrow his
gcueral satire to a particular libel on any characters,
however marked and prominent. To a single rogue, or
blockhead, he disdained to stoop ; the vices and follies
of the age in which he lived, (et quando uberior vitiorum
copia,) were the quarry at which he fled ; these he cou-
ceutrated, and embodied in the persons of Hudibras,
Ralpho, Sidrophel, &c., so that each character in this
admirable poem should be considered, not as an individ-
ual, but as a species.
It is not generally known, that meanings still more
remote and cliimerical than mere personal allusions,
have been discovered in Hudibras ; and the poem would
have wanted one of those marks wliich distinguish works
of superior merit, if it had not been supposed to be a
perpetual allegory : writers of eminence. Homer, Plato,
and even the Holy Scriptures themselves, have been
most wretchedly misrepresented by commentators of
this cast ; and it is astonishing to observe to what a de-
gree Heraclides* and Proclus,t Philot and Origen, have
lost sight of their usual good sense, when they have
* The Allegnria; Honiericoe, Gr. Lat., published by Dean Gale,
Ainst. 1G88, Ihnugh usually ascribed to Heraclides Ponlicus, the
riatonist, must be the work of a more recent author, as the Dean
has proved : his real name seems to have been Heraclitns, (not
the philosopher,) and notbiui; more is known ol' him, but that
Eustathius often cites him in his comment on Homer: the tract,
however, is elegant and agreeable, and may be read with im-
provement and pleasure.
t I'roclus, the most learned philosopher of the fifth century,
left among other writings numerous comments on Plato's works
still subsisting, so stuti'ed with allegorical absurdities, that few
who have perused two periods, will have patience to venture
on a third. In this, he only tiillows the e.\ample of Atticus, and
many others, whose interpretations, as wild as his own, lie care-
fully e.xaniincs. He sneers at the famous Longinus with nuich
Contempt, for adhering too servilely to the literal meaning of
riato.
t riiilo the Jew discovered many mystical senses in the Pen-
Uilcuch, and from him, perhaps, Origen learned his unhajjpy
knack of alle;zorizinu liotli Old and New Testament. This, in
justice, however, is duo to Origon, that while he is hunting after
abstruse senses, he doth not neglect the literal, but is sometimes
hajijiy in his criticisms.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
27
allowed tliemselves to depart from the obvious and literal
meaning of the text, which they pretend to explain.
Thns some have thought that the hero of the piece was
intended to represent tiie parliament, especially that part
of it which favored the Presbyterian discipline ; when
in the stocks, he personates the Presbyterians after they
had lost their power; his first exploit is against the bear,
whom he routs, which represents the parliament getting
the better of the king : after this great victory, he courts
a widow for her jointure, that is, the riches and power
of the kingdom ; being scorned by her, he retires, but
the revival of hope to the royalists draws forth both
him and his squire, a little before Sir George Bootii's
insurrection. Magnano, Cerdon, Talgol, «&lc., though
described as butchers, coblers, tinkers, were designed as
officers in the parliament army, whose original profes-
sions, perhaps, were not much more noble : some have
imagined Magnano to be the duke of Albemarle, and
his getting thistles from a barren land, to allude to his
power in Scotland, especially after the defeat of Booth.
Trulla his wife, Crowdero Sir George Booth, whose
bringing in of Bruin alludes to his endeavors to restore
the king: his oaken leg, called the better one, is the
king's cause, his other leg the Presbyterian discipline ;
his fiddle-case, which in sport they hung as a trophy
on the whipping-post, the directory. Ralpho, they say,
represents the parliament of Independents, called Bare-
bones Parliament ; Bruin is sometimes the royal person,
sometimes the king's adherents; Orsin represents the
royal party — Talgol the city of London — Colon the
bulk of the people : all these joining together against
the knight, represent Sir George Booth's conspiracy,
with Presbyterians and royalists, against the parliament :
their overthrow, through the assistance of Ralph, means
the defeat of Booth by the assistance of the Independ-
ents and other fanatics. These ideas are, perhaps, only
the phrensy of a wild imagination, though there may be
sojne lines that seem to favor the conceit.
Dryden and Addison have censured Butler for his
double rhymes ; the latter nowhere argues worse than
upon this subject : " If," says he, " the thouglit in the
" couplet be good, the rhymes add little to it ; and if
" bad, it will not be in the power of rhyme to recom-
" mend it. I am afraid that great numbers of those
"who admire the incomparable Iludibras, do it more on
" account of these doggerel rhymes, tiian th.e parts that
28,-' ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
" really deserve admiration."* This reflection affects
equally all sorts of rhyme, which certainly can add
nothing to the sense ; but double rhymes are like the
whimsical dress of Harlequin, which does not. add to
his wit, but sometimes increases the humor and drollery
of it: they are not sought for, but, when they come
easily, are always diverting : they are so seldom found
in Hudibras, as hardly to be an object of censure, espe-
cially as the diction and the rhyme both suit well with
the character of the hero.
It must be allowed that our poet doth not exhibit his
hero witli the dignity of Cervantes ; but the principal
fault of the poem is, that the parts are unconnected,
and the story not interesting : the reader may leave off
without being anxious for the fate of his hero ; he sees
only disjecta membra poetEe ; but we should remember,
that the parts were published at long intervals,! and
that several of the different cantos were designed as
satires on different subjects or extravagancies. What
the judicious Ahh6 du Bos has said respecting Ariosto,
may be true of Butler, that, in comparison with him,
Homer is a geometrician : the poem is seldom read a
second time, often not a first in regular order; tliat is,
by passing from the first canto to the second, and so ou
in succession. Spenser, Ariosto, and Butler, did not live
■in an age of planning ; the last imitated the former
poets — " his poetry is the careless exuberance of a witty
" imagination and great learning." /
Fault has likewise been found,' and perhaps justly,
with the too frequent elisions, the harshness of the num-
bers, and the leaving out the signs of our substantives ;
his inattention to grammar and syntax, which, in some
passages, may have contributed to obscure his meaning,
as the perplexity of others arises from the amazing fruit-
fulness of his imagination., and extent of his reading.
Most writers have more words than ideas, and the reader
wastes much pains with them, and gets little informa-
tioiv or amusement. Butler, on the contrary, has more
ideas than words, his wit and learning crowd so fast
upon him, that ho cannot find room or time to arrange
them : iience liis periods become sometimes embarrassed
and obscure, and his dialogues are too long. Our poet
has been charged with obscenity, evil-speaking, and
* Spectator, No. 00.
t The Epistle to Sidrophel, not till many years after the canto
lo which it is annexed.
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
29
profanQiiess ; but satirists will take liberties. Juvenal,
and that elegant poet Horace, must plead his cause, so
far as the accusation is well Ibvuided.
Some apology may be necessary, or expected, when
a person advanced in years, and without the proper
qualifications, shall undertake to publish, and comment
upon, one of the most learned and ingenious writers in
our language ; and, if the editor's true and obvious mo-
tives will not avail to excuse him, he must plead guilty.
The frequent pleasure and amusement he had received
from the perusal of the poem, naturally bred a respect
for the memory and character of the author, which is
further endeared to him by a local relation to the coun-
ty, and to the parish, so highly honored by the birth of
Mr. Butler. These considerations induced him to at-
tempt an edition, more pompous perhaps, and expensive,
than was necessary, but not too splendid for the merit
of the work. While Shakspeare, Milton, Waller, Pope,
and the rest of our English classics, appear with every
advantage that either printing or criticism can supply,
why should not Hudibras share those ornaments at least
with them which may be derived from the present im-
proved state of typography and paper ? Some of the
dark allusions, in Hudibras, to history, voyages, and the
abstruser parts of what was then called learning, the
author himself was careful to explain in a series of notes
to the first two parts ; for the annotations to the third
part, as has been before obseiTcd, do not seem to come
from the same hand. In most other respects, the poem
may be presumed to have been tolerably clear to the or-
dinary class of readers at its first publication : but, in a
course of years, the unavoidable fluctuations of language,
the disuse of customs then familiar, and the oblivion
which hath stolen on facts and characters then com-
monly known, have superinduced an obscurity on seve-
ral passages of the work, which did not originally be-
long to it. The principal, if not the solo view, of the
annotations now offered to the public, hath been to re-
move these difficulties, and point out some of the passa-
ges in the Greek and Roman authors to which the poet
alludes, in order to render Hudibras more intelligible to
persons of the commentator's level, men of middling
capacity, and limited information. To such, if his re-
marks shall be found useful and acceptable, he will be
content, though they should appear trifling in the esti-
mation of the more learned.
30 ON SAMUEL BUTLER, ESQ.,
It is extraordinary, that for above a hundred and
twenty years, only one commentator hath furnished
notes of any considerable length. Doctor Grey had va-
rious friends, particularly Bishop Warburton, Mr. Byron,
and several gentlemen of Cambridge, who communica-
led to him learned and ingenious obseiTations : these
have been occasionally adopted without scruple, have
been abridged, or enlarged, or altered, as best consisted
with a plan, somewhat different from the doctor's ; but
in such a manner as to preclude any other than a gene-
ral acknowledgment from the infinite perplexity that a
minute and particular reference to them at every turn,
would occasion ; nor has the editor been virithout the as-
sistance of his friends.
It is well known in Worcestershire, that long before
the appearance of Doctor Grey's edition, a learned and
worthy clergyman of that county, after reading Hudi-
bras with attention, had compiled a set of observations,
with design to reprint the poem, and to subjoin his own
remarks. By the friendship of his descendants, tiie
present publisher hath been favored with a sight of those
papers, and though, in commenting on the same work,
the annotator must unavoidably have coincided with,
and been anticipated by Dr. Grey in numerous instan-
ces, yet much original information remained, of which
a free and unreserved use hath been made in the fol-
lowing sheets ; but he is forbid any further acknowledg-
ment.
He is likewise much obliged to Dr. Loveday, of Wil-
liamscot, near Banbury, the worthy son of a worthy
father ; the abilities and correctness of the former can
be equalled only by the learning and critical acumen of
the latter. He begs leave likewise to take this opportu-
nity of returning his thanks to his learned and worthy
neighbor Mr. Ingraham, from whose conversation nuich
information and entertainment has been received on
many subjects.
Mr. Samuel Westley, brother to the celebrated John
Wcstley, had a design of publishing an edition of Hudi-
bras with notes. He applied to Lord Oxford for the use
of his books in his library, and his Lordship wrote him
the following obliging answer from Dover-street, August
7, 17.34 — "I am very glad you was reduced to read
" over Hudibras three times with care: I find you are
■' perfectly of my mind, tliat it much wants notes, and
" that it will be a great work ; certainly it will be, to do
AUTHOR OF HUDIBRAS.
3i
" it as it should be. I do not know one so capable of
" doing it as yourself. I speak this very sincerely.
" Lilly's life I have, and any books that I have you
" shall see, and have the perusal of them, and any other
" part that I can assist. I own I am very fond of the
" work, and it would be of excellent use and entertain-
" ment.
'■ The news you read in the papers of a match with
■' my daughter and the Duke of Portland was completed
" at Mary-le-bonne chapel," &c.*
What progress he made in the work, or what became
of his notes, I could never learn.
* Extract of a letter from Lord Oxford, taken from original let-
ters by the Reverend John Westley and his friends, illustrative
of his early history, published by Josech Priestlev. LL. D.,
Brinted at Birmingham 1791
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO r.
When civil fury first grew high,*
And men fell out, they knew not why ;t
When hard words, jealousies, and fears,!
Set folks together by the ears.
* In the first edition of the first part of this poem, printed
spparMtely, we read dudgeon. Baton the publication of the sec-
ond part, when the first was reprinted with several additions
and alterations, the word dudgeon was chaneed to fury; as aji-
pears in a copy corrected hy the author's own hand. The piili-
lisher in 1704, and the subsequent ones, have taken the lilierty
of correcting the author's copy, restored the word dudgeon, and
many other readings: changing them, I think I may say, for the
worse, in several passages. Indeed, while the Editor of 1704
replaces this word, and contends for it, he seems to show its im-
propriety. "To take in dudgeon," says he, " is inwardly to re-
" sent, a sort of grumbling in the gizzard, and what was previous
" to actual fury." Yet in the next hnes we have men filling
out, set together by the ears, and fighting. 1 doubt not but the
inconsistency of these expressions occurred to the author, and
induced him to change the word, that his sense might be clear,
and the a;ra of his poem certain and uniforjn. — Dudgeon, in its
primitive sense, signifies a dagger ; and figuratively, such hatred
and suUenness as occasion men to employ short concealed
weapons. Some readers may be fond of tlie word dudgeon, as
a burlesque term, and suitable, as they think, to the nature of
y i\ the poem: liut the judicious critic will observe, that the poet is
not aUyays in a drolling linnior, and might not think fit to fall
into it in the first line : he chooses liis words not by the oddness
or unrouihness of llie sound, l)ut by the propriety of tlieir sig-
nification. Besides, the word dudgeon, in the figurative sense,
though not in its primitive one, is generally taken for a monoptote
in the ablative case, to take in dudgeon, which might be another
reason why the poet changed it into fury. See line 379.
t Dr. Perrinchcif's Life of Charles I. says, " Thtrc will never
" he wanting, in any country, some discontented spirits, and
" some designing craftsmen : but when these confusions began,
" the more part knew not wherefore they were come together."
X Hard (/)»r(/i-— Probtibly tlie jargon and cant-words used l)y
the I'resbyterians, anriollier sectaries. They called themselves
tlic elect, the saints, the predestinated : and their opponents
they called Papists, Pielatists, ill-designing, reprobate, profligate,
&c. &.C.
i^
-\
PART I. CANTO I.
THE ARGUMENT., j .
Sir Hudibras* his passing worth,
The manner how he sally'd forth ;
His arms and equipage are shown ;
His horse's virtues aud his own.
Th' adventure of the bear and fiddle
Is sung, but breaks otFin the middle.t
* Butler probably took this name from Spenser's Fairy Queen.
B. ii. C. ii. St. 17.
He that made love unto the eldest dame
Was liight Sir Hudibras, an hardy man :
Yet not so good of deeds, as great of name.
Which he by many rash adventures wan,
Since errant arms to sew he first began.
Geoffry of Monmouth mentions a British king of this name,
though some have supposed it derived from the French, Hugo,
Hu de Bras, signifying Hugh the powerful, or with the strong
arm : thus Fortinbras, Firebras.
In the Grub-street Journal, Col. Rolls, a Devonshire gentle-
man, is said to be satirized under the character of Hudibras;
and it is asserted, that Hugh de Bras was the name of the old
tutelar saint of that county : but it is idle to look for personal
reflections in a poem designed for a general satire on hypocrisy,
enthusiasm, and false learning.
t Bishop Warburton observes ver^' justly, that this is a ridi-
cule on Ronsard's Franciade, and Sir William Davenant's Gon-
dibert.
34 IIUDIBRAS. [Part i.
And made tlieiii tight, like mad or drunk, 5
For dame Religion as for Punk ;*
"In the body politic, when the spiritual and windy power
" moveth the members of a commonwealth, and by strange and
" hard words siUibcates their understandin<:, it must needs there-
" by distract the people, and either overwlielm the common-
wealth with oppression, or cast it into the fire of a civil war."
HOBBES.
Jealousies — Bishop Burnet, in the house of lords, on the first
article of the impeachment of Sacheverel, says, " The true oc-
" casion of the war was a jealousy, that a conduct of fifteen
"years had given too much ground for; and that was still kept
" tip by a fatal train of errors in every step." See also the king's
speech, Dec. '2. 1641.
^71(1 fears — Of superstition and Popery in the church, and of
arbitrary power and tyranny in the state : ;in(l so prepossessed
were many persons with thi^se fears, that, like tlie hern of this
poem, they would imagine a bear-baiting to be a deep di^sign
iigainst the religion and liberty of the country. Lord ( 'larendoi!
tells us, that the English were the hap]iiest people under the
sun, while the king w.as undisturbed in the administration of
justice; but a too much felicity had made them unman:ig( able
by moderate government ; a long peace having softened almost
all the noblesse into court pleasures, and made the commoners
insolent by great plenty.
King Cbarles, in the fourth year of his reign, tells tlie !ord>,
"We have been willing so far to descend to the desires of our
"good subjects, as fully to satistie all moderate minds, and free
" them from all just fears and jealousies." The words jeabiusies
and fears, were bandied between the king and the parlianjont in
all their papers, before the absolute breaking out of the war
They were used by the parliament to the king, in their petition
for the militia, I\Iarch ], lG41-'2; and by the king in his answer:
"You speak of janlousies and fears, lay your hands to your
"hearts and ask yourselves, whether I may not be disturbed
" with jealousies and fears." .\nd the parliament, in their de-
claration to the king at Newmarket, Mtirch 9, say, ' Those fetirs
" and jealousies of ours which your majesty thinks to be cause-
" less, and without just ground,' do necessarily and clearly arise
" from those dttngers and distempers into which your evil coun-
" cils have brought us : but those other fears and jealousies of
" yours, have no found.alion or subsistence in any action, inten-
tion, or miscarriage of ours, but are merely grounded on false-
' hood and tnalice."
The terms had been used before by the Earl of Carlisle to
James I., 14 Tcb. ](\2'.i. "Nothing will more dishearten the en-
" vious maligners of your majesty's felicity, and encourage your
" true-hearted friends and servants, than the removing those
" false fears and jealousies, which are mere imaginary phan-
" tasms, and bodies of air easily dissipated, whensoever it sliall
" please the sun of your majesty to shew itself clearly in its
" native brightness, lustre, anil goodness."
* Pmh/.— From the Anglo-Saxon pung ; it signifies a bawd,
Anus instar corii ad ignem sicca ti. (Skinner.) Sometimes scor
turn, scortillum. Sir John Suckling says,
Religion now is a young mistress here
For which each man will tight and die at least:
Let it alone awhile, aiul 'twill become
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 35
Wiiose honesty they all durst swear for,
The' not a man of them knew wherefore :
When Gospel-Trumpeter, surrounded
Witli long-eard rout, to battle sounded,* 10
And pulpit, drum ecclesiastick.
Was beat with fist, instead of a stick ;t
Then did Sir Knight abandon dwelling.
And out he rode a colonelliug.t
A Wight he was,§ whose very sight wou'd 15
Entitle him Mirror of Knight-hood ;1|
A kind of married wife ; people will be
Content to live with it in quietness.
* Mr Butler told Thomas Veal, esquire, of Simons-hall,
Gloucestershire, that the Puritans had a custom of puttmg their
hands behind their ears, at sermons, and bending them f/rward,
under pretence of hearing the better. He had seen hve hundred
or a thousand large ears pricked up as soon as the text was
named. Besides, they wore their hair very short, which showed
their ears the more. See Godwin's notes in Bodley library.
Dr Bulvver in his Anthropometainorphosis, or Artihcial
Chan-'eiin", tells us wonderful stories of the size of men's ears
in soine countries.-Pliny, lib. 7, o. 2, speaks of a people on the
borders of India, who covered themselves with their ears. And
Purchas, in his Pilgrim, saith, that in the island Arucetto there
are men and women bavins ears of such bigness, that they lie
upon one as a bed, and cover themselves with the other.
I here mention the idle tales of these authors, because their
works, together with Brown's Vulgar Errors, are the frequent
obiect of our poet's satire. „ , ,. .t, .
t It is sufficiently known from the history of those times, that
the seeds of rebellion were first sown, and afterwards cu.uvated
bv the factious preachers in conventicles, and the seditious and
es-
schismatical lecturers, who had crept into many churches,
pecially about London. "These men," says Lord Clarendon,
" liad fnini the beginning of the parliament, infused seditions
"inclinations into the hearts of all men, against the government
" in church and state : but after the raising an army, and reject-
" ill" the kind's overtures for peace, they contained themselves
" wilhin no bounds, but filled all the pulpits with alarms ..I nun
" and destruction, if a peace were ofiered or accepted. 1 hese
preachers used violent action, and made the pulpit an instru-
ment of sedition, as the drum was of war. Dr. South, in one of
his sermons, savs, " The pulpit supplied the field with sword-
" men, and the parliament-house with incendiaries.
+ Some have imagineJd from hence, that by Hudibras was in-
teililcd Sir Samuel Luke of Bedfordshire. Sir Samuel was an
active justice of the peace, chairman of the quarter sessions,
colonel of a regiment of foot in the parliament army, and a
littee-man of that county ; but the poet's satire is general
coiiinn
(5, Wight is orininally a Sa.xon word, and signifies a person or
being. It is often used by Chaucer, and tlie old poets. Some-
limes it means a witch or conjuror.
I A favorite title ia romances.
3f IIUDIBRAS. [Parti.
That never bent his stubborn knee*
To any thiajr but chivalry ;
Nor put up blow, but that which laid
Right vi'orshipl'ul on shoulder-blade :t, 20
Chief of domestic knights, and errant,
Either for charteU or for warrant :
Great on the bench, great in the saddle,
That could as well bind o'er, as swaddle :§
Mighty he was at both of these, 25
And styl'd of War as well as Peace.
So some rats of amphibious nature,
Are either for tiie land or water.
But here our authors make a doubt.
Whether he were more wise, or stout. || 30
Some hold the one, and some the other ;
But howsoe'er they make a pother,
The dift''rence was so small, his brain
Outvveigh'd his rage but half a grain ;
Which made some take him for a tool 35
That knaves do work with, call'd a Fool ;
And ofFer'd to lay wagers, that
As Montaigne, playing with his cat,
* AUudinK to the Presbyterians, who refused to kneel at the
Sacnunent of the Lord's Supper, and insisted upon receiving it
in a sittiim or standing posture. See Baxter's Life, &c. &,c. In
some i)f the kirl<s in Scotland, the pews are so made, that it is
very difiitiilt for iviiy one to kneel.
t That is, did not sutler a blow to pass unrevenged, except the
one by which the king knighted him.
t For a challenge, lie was a military as well as a civil offi-
cer—
aii(p6Tcpov jiaaiXtis t' ayado; Kparepds r' a}xi"l''''ii-
U. iii. 179.
Pope translates it,
Great in the war, and great in arts of swav.
//.iii. 236.
Plutarch tells us, that Alexander the Great was wonderfully
delighted with this line.
§ Swaddle. — That is, to beat or cudgel, says .Johnson ; but the
word in the Saxon, signities to bind up, to try to heal by proper
bandages and applications ; hence the verb to swathe, and the
adjective swaddling clothes ; the line flierefore may signify, that
his worship could eitlier make peace, and heal disputes among
his neighbors, or, if thoy could not agree, bind them over to the
sessions for trial.
II A burles(|ue on the usual strain of rhetorical flattery, when
authors pretend to be puzzled which of their patrons' noble
qualities they should give the preference to. Something similar
to this passage is the saying of .lulius Capitolinus, concerning
the emperor Verus ; " inelior orator quain poeta, aut ut verius
"dicain pejor poeta quaiu orator."
Canto i.]
irUDIBRAS.
Complains slie tliouglit him but an ass,*
Much more she wou'd 8ir Hudibras :
For that's the name our vahant knight
To all his challenges did write.
But they're mistaken very much,
'Tis plain enough he was no such :
We grant, although he had much wit,
H' was very shy of using it ;t
As being loth to wear it out,
And therefore bore it not about.
Unless on holy-days, or so,
As men their best apparel do.
Besides, 'tis known he could speak Greek
As naturally as pigs squeek :
That Latin was no more difficile,
Than to a blackbird 'tis to whistle :
Being rich in both, he never scanted
His bounty unto such as wanted;
But much of either wou'd afford
To many, that had not one word.
For Hebrew roots, although they're found
To flourish most in barren ground,t
He had such plenty, as suffic'd
To make some think him circumcis'd ;
And truly so, perhaps, he was,
'Tis many a pious Christian's case.§
37
40
45
50
55
60
* "When my cat and I," says Montaigne, "entertain each
" othpr with mutual apish tricks, as playing with a garter, who
" knows but I make her more sport than slie makes me ? shall I
" conclude her simple, who has her time to begin or refuse sport-
" iveness as freely as I myself! Nay, who knows but she laughs
" at, and censures, my folly, for making her sport, and pities me
" for understanding her no better V And of animals—" ils nous
" peuvent estimer betes, comme nous les estimons.'"
t The poet, in depicting our knight, blends together his great
pretensions, and his real abilities ; giving him high encDininms
on his affected character, and dashing them again with his true
and natural imperfections. He was a pretended saint, but in
fact a very great hypocrite ; a great champion, though an errant
coward ; famed for learning, yet a shallow pedant.
t S.ime students in Hebrew have been very angry with these
lines, and assert, that they have done more to prevent the study
of that language, than all the professors have done to promote
it See a letter to the printer of the Diary, dated January 15.
1789, and signed John Kyland. The word for, here means,
as to. ,.„ , J
5 In the first editions this couplet was differently expressed :
^nd truly so he was, perhaps,
JVot as a proselyte, but for claps.
Many vulgar, and some indecent phrases, were after corrected
46126
38 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
He was in Logic a great critic,* 65
Profoundly sliiird in Analytic ;
He could distino-uish, and divide
A hair 'twixt south and south-west side ;
On either side he would dispute,
Confute, change hands, and stili confute ;t • 70
He'd undertake to prove by force
Of argument a man's no horse ;
He'd prove a buzzard is no fowl.
And that a Lord may be an owl :
A calf an Alderman, a goose a Justice, t 75
And rooks Committee-Men or Trustees.§
He'd run in debt by dispntatiou,
And pay with ratiocinatiou
All this by syllogism true,
In mood and figure, be would do. 80
For Rhetoric, he could not ope
His mouth, but out there tlcvv a trope :
And when he happen'd to break oti"
I' th' middle of his speech, or cough,
by Mr. Butler. And, indeed, as Mr. Cowley observes, in his Ode
on Wit,
'tis just
The autlior blush, there, wliere the reader must.
* In some following lines tho abuses of human learning are
finely satirized.
, t Carneades, tlie academic, having one day disputed at Rome
n very copiously in praise of justice, refuted every word on tlie
/^ I morrow, hy a train of contrary arguments. Something similar
is said of Cardinal Perron.
I A dogserel .Mexandrine placed in the first line of the couplet,
as it is sometimes in heroic Ale.xandrines : thus Dryden —
So all the use we make of heaven's discover'd will.
See his Relicrio J.aici-
^ A rook is a well-known black bird, said by the glossarists to
be corni.v frugivora, and supposed by them to devour the grain ;
hence, by a figure, ajiplied to sharpers and cheats. 'J'hus the
committee-men harassed and oppressed the country, devouring,
in ,an arbitrary manner, the properly of those ttiry did not like,
and tills under the authority of parliament. Trustees are often
mentioned by our poet. See p. il, c. ], 1. I.')IG.
In Scobel's collection is an ordinanc!', ll)4'J, for the sale of Ihe
roy.il lands in order to pay the army; the common soldiers pur-
chasing by regiments, like corporations, and having trustees fi)r
the whole. These trustees either purchased the soldiers' shares
at a very small price, or sometimes (-he.ited the otficers and sol-
diers, by detaining these trust est lies for their own use. The
same ha[)pen"d ol'ten with re;: ird to the church lands : but 13
Ch. 11. an act pissed tor restoring all advowsons, glebe-lands
and tythes, &.c. to his majesty's loyal subjects.
Canto i.] ilUDIBRAS. 39
I ;H' liad hard words, ready to shew why, 85
1 And tell what rules ho did it by.*
Else, when with greatest art he spoke,
You'd think he talk'd hke other folk,
i For all a Rhetorician's rules
Teach nothing but to name his tools. 90
His ordinary rate of speech
In loftiness of sound was rich ;
A Babylonish dialect,
Which learned pedants much affect ;
It was a parti-color'd dress 93
Of patch'd and piebalH languages :
'Twas English cut on Greek and Latin,
Like fustian heretofore on satin.t
It had an odd promiscuous tone
As if h' had talk'd tinee parts in one ; lOO
Which made some think, when he did gabble,
Th' had heard three laborers of Babel ;t
Or Cerberus himself pronounce
A leash of languages iit once.§
This he as volubly would vent 105
As if his stock would ne'er be spent :
* i. e. Aposiopesis — Quos e^ci — sed niotos, &c.
Or ciiugh.—Tbe preachers of those days, h)okeil upon coHgh-
iriS and liemniing as ornanieiUs of speech ; and when they
printed their serninns, noted in the margin where the preacher
coMghed or heinni'd. This practice was not r.ontincd to Eng-
land, I'nr (Jlivier Maillard, a Cordelier, and fanKuis preacher
printed a sermon at Brussels in the year 1500, and marked in the
margin where the preacher hemiii'd once or twice, or coughed.
See the French notes.
t The slashed sleeves an'' hose may he seen in the pictures
of Dohson. Vandyke, and others ; liut one would conjecture from
the word heretofore, that they were not in common wear in our
poet's time.
I In Dr. Donne's Satires, by Pope, we read,
Yc"! prove yourself so able,
Pity ! you were m't DrUL'german at Bahcl ;
For had they found a linguist half so good
I make no questiini hut the tower had stood.
^ " I )ur Borderers, to this day, speak a leash of languages
'■ ('lirivish, Saxon, and Danish) in one : and it is hard to determine
" wl'.ich of those three nations has the greatest share in the
"motley breed." Camden's Britannia— Cumlierland, p. 1010.
Butler, in his character of a lawyer, p. 107,— says, "he overruns
" I,atin and French with greater barbarism than the Goths did
"Italy and France; and nri.'.cs as mad a confusion of language,
"'•ymi.ving both with English." St.itius, rather ridiculously,
iiitrodnces Janus harauguin.T and complimenting Domitian with
both his mouths,
levat ecce, supinas
Hinc atque inde manus, geminaque hsec voce profatur.
40
HUDIBRAS.
[Part i
And truly, to support timt charge,
He liad supplies us vast and large.
For he could coin, or counterfeit
New words with little or no wit:*
Words so debas'd and hard, no stone
Was hard enough to touch them on ;t
And when with hasty noise he spoke'em,
The ignorant for current took'em.
That had the orator, who once
Did fill his mouth witli pebble stones
When he harangu"d, but known his phrase,
He would have ns'd no other ways4
In Mathematics he was greater
Than Tycho Brahe, or Erra Pater :§
For he, by geometric scale,
Could take the size of pots of ale ;
Resolve, by sines and tangents straight.
If bread or butter wanted weight ;||
And wisely tell what hour o' th' day
The clock does strike, by Algebra.
~ Beside, he was a shrewd Philosopher,
And had read ev'ry text and gloss over:
Whate'er the crabbed'st author hath,ir
. He luiderstood b' implicit faith :
' Whatever Skeptic could inquire for ;
I For every why he had a wherefore:**
Knew more than forty of tlicm do,
As far as words and terms could go.
110
115
120
125
130
* The Presbyterians coined and composed many new words,
such as out goings, carryings-on, nothingness, workings-out, gos-
pel-vvalliing times, secret ones. &c. &c.
t This seems to be the riizht reading; and alludes to the
touchstone. Though Bishop Wailiurton conjectures, that tone
oiuiht to be read here instead of stone.
X Tliesc four lines are not found in the first two editions.
They allude to the well-known slory of Demosthenes.
^ Erra Pater is the nickname of .some ignorant astrologer. A
little i)aUry book of the rules of Erra Pater is still vended among
the vulgar. I do not think that by Erra Pater, the poet meant
William Lilly, but some contemptible person, to oppose to the
great Tycho Brahe. Anticlimax was Butler's favorite figure^,
and one great machine of his drollery.
II He could, by trigonometiy, discover the e.xact dimensions of
a loaf of bread, or roll of butter. The poet likewise intimates
that his hero was an over-officious m;iaistrate, searching out
little oflences, and levying lines and forfeitures upon them. See
Talgol's speech in the ne.xt canto.
V If any copy would warrant it, I should read "author saith."
** That is, he could elude one difiicully by proposing another
or answer one question by proposing another.
•**
Canto I.] IIUDIBRA?. 41
All wiiich he understood by rote, 135
And, as occasion seiT'd, would quote ;
No matter whether right or wrong,
They might be eitlier said or sung.
His notions fitjjed things so well,
That w hich was whicli he could not tell ;* u(i
But oftentimes mistook the one
For th' other, as great clerks have done.
He could reduce all things to acts,
And knew their natures by abstracts ;t
Where entity and quiddity, 145
The ghost of defunct bodies fly ;t
\Vliere Truth in person does appear,^
Like woT-as"CongeaFd hi northern air. H
He knew what's what, and that's as high
As metaphysic wit can fly.lT 150
111 school-divinity as able
As he that hight irrefra^gafile
* He had a jumble of many confused notions in his head,
which he could not apply to any useful purpose : or perhaps the
poet alludes to those philosophers who took their ideas of sub-
stances to be the combinations of nature, and not the arbitrary
workmanship of the human mind.
t A thing is in potentia, when it is possible, but does not
actually exist; a thing is in act, when it is not only possible, but
does e.\ist. A thing is said to be reduced from power into act,
when that which was only possible, begiiis really to e.tist: how
far we can know the nature of things by abstracts, hf^ lonj; been
a dispute. See Locke's Essay on the Human linderstanding ;
and consult the old metaphysicians if you think it worth while.
i A fine satire upon the abstracted notions of the metaphy-
sicians, calling the metaphysical natures the ghosts or shadows
of real substances.
$ Some authors have mistaken truth for a real thing or person,
whereas it is nothing but a right method of putting those notions
or images of things (in the understanding of man) into the same
state and order, that their originals hold in nature. Thus Aris-
totle, Met. lib. 2. Unumquodque sicut se habet secundum esse,
ila se habet secundum verilatem.
II See Rabelais's Pantagruel, livre 4, ch. 56, which hint is
inniroved and drawn into a paper in the Tatler, No. 254. In
Rabelais, Pantagruel throws upon deck three or four handfuls
of frozen words, 11 en jecta sus le tillac trois ou quatre poign6es :
et y veids des parolles bien piquantes.
If The jest here is, giving, by a low and vulgar expression, an
apt description of the science. In the old systems of logic, quid
est quid was a common question.
** Two. lines originally followed in this place, which were
afterwards omitted by the author in his corrected copy, viz.
A second Thomas ; or at once.
To name them all, another Duns.
Perhaps, upon recollection, he thought this great man, Aquinas,
deserving of better treatment, or perhaps he was ashamed of the
pun. However, as the passage now stands, it is an inimitable
42 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
A second Thonicis, or at once,
To name them all, another Duns:
Prol'ound in all the nominal, 155
And real ways, beyond them all ;
And, with as delicate a hand, •-
Could twist as tough a rope of sand ;*
And weave fine cobwebs, fit for scull
That's empty when the moon is full ;t 160
Such as take lodgings in a head
That's to be let unfurnished.
He could raise scruples dark and nice,
And after solve 'em in a trice ;
)As if Divinity had calch'd 165
/The itch, on purpose to be scratch'd ;
;Or, like a niountebank, did wound
And stab herself with doubts profound,
Only to show with how small pain
The sores of Faith are cur'd again ; no
Altho' by woful proof we find.
They always leave a scar behind.
He knew the seat of Paradise,
Could tell in what degree it lies ;t
satire \ipon the old school divines, who were many of them
honored with some extravagant epithet, and as well known
by it as hy their proper names: thus Alexander Hales, was
called doctor irrefragable, or invincible ; Thomas Aquinas, the
angelic doctor, or eagle of divines ; Dun Scotns, the subtle doctor.
This last was father of the Reals, and William Ocharii of the
Noniinals. They were both of Jlerton college in Oxford, where
they gave rise to an odd custom. See Plott's Oxfordshire, page
285. — Hight, a Saxon and Old English participle passive, signi-
fying called.
* -A proverbial saying, when men lose their labor by busying
themselves in trifles, or attempting things impossible.
t That is, subtle (luestions or foolish conceits, fit for the brain
of a madman or lunatic.
} " I'aradisum locum diu multumqun quajsituin per terrarum
" orbcm ; neque ttuitum per terrarum orbem, scd eliam in aiire,
" in luna, et ad tertium u<que cnelnm." IJurnelt. Tell. Theor. 1.
'J, Cap. 7. •■ Well may I wonder at the notions of some learned
" men concerning the garden of Eden; some affirming it to be
".above the moon, others above the air; some that it is in the
"whole world, others only a ])art of the north ; some thinking
"that it was nowhere, wliilst others supposed it to be, God
" knows where, in the West Indies; and, for ought 1 know. Sir
".lohn Mandcville's story of it may be as good as any of them."
Euiilis's History of riots, fol. ]>. 171. " (Jtrebius, in a tract de
" Vita. Morte.et Resuirectione, would persuade us, that doubtless
"the Kosicriicians are in paradise, which place he seatetli near
"unto the region of the moon." Olaus Rudbeckius, a Swede,
in a very scarce book, entitled Allantici sive Miuihcun., i \a\.
fol., <\n of zeal for liie honor of his country, has endeavoreil tc
pre, e that Sweden was the real paradise. The learned Huet,
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 43
And, as he was dispos'd, could prove it, 175
Below the moon, or else above it :
What Adam dreamt of when his bride
Came from her closet in his side :
Whether the devil tempted her
By an High-Dutch interpreter:* 180
If either of them liad a navel ;t
bishop of Avranches, wrote an express treatise De Situ Parndisi
rerrestris, bm not published till after our poet's death, (1(J91.)
He gives a map of Paradise, and says, it is situated upon the
canal formed by the Tigris and Euphrates, after tliey h ive joined
near Apaniea, between the phice \^•here tliey join and that
where they separate, in order to fall into the Persian gulf, on the
eastern side of the souili branch of the great circuit which this
river makes towards the west, marked in the maps of Ptolemy,
near Aracca, about 3-2 degrees 311 minutes north lalilude, and 80
degrees 10 minutes cast longitude. Thus wilil and various
have been the conjectures concerning tlie seat of Paradise; but
we nuist leave this point undetermined, till we are better ac-
quainted with the antediluvian world, and know what altera-
tions the flood made upon the face of the earth.
Mahomet is said to have assured his followers, that paradise
was seated in heaven, and that Adam was cast down from
thence when he transgressed : on the contrary, a learned prelate
of our own time, supposes that our first parents were placed in
paradise as a reward : for he says,
"God (as we must needs conclude) having tried Adam in the
"slate of nature, and ai)proved of the good use he had mude of
"his free will under the direction of that light, advanced him to
"a superior station in p-iradise. How long before this remove,
"man had continued subject to natural religion alone, we can
"only guess. But of this we may be assured, that it was some
"considerable time beti)re the garden of Eiien could naturally be
"made fit fir his reception." — See Warljuruni's Worki: Divine
Legation, vol. iii. p. 034. And again: "This n:'.tural state
"of man, antecedent to the paradisaical, can never be too care-
"fully kept in mind, nor too precisely explained; since it is the
"very key or clue (as we shall find in the progress of this work)
'■ which is open to us, to lead us through aFl the recesses and
" intimacies of the last and completed dispensation of Rod to
"man; a dispensation long become intricate and perplexi d, by
"men's neglecting to distinguish thc'se two states or conditions;
"which, as we say, if not constantly kept in mind, the Gospel
"can neither be well under^tood, nor reasonably supported." —
Div. Leg. vol. iii. p. (J-iO, 4to.
* Johannes Goropius Becanus, a man very learned, and pliy-
sician to Mary Ciueeii of Hungary, sister to the Emperor Charles
v., maintained the Teut/mic to be the tirst, and most ancient
Utnguage in the world. Verstegan thinks the Teutonic not older
than the tower of Babel. IJecayed Intelliuence, cli. 7.
t "Over one of llie doors of tlie King's antechamber at St.
"James's, is a picture of Adam and Eve, which formerly hung
"in the gallery at Whiudiall, thence called the Adam and Eve
"Gallery. Evelyn, in the prefice to his Idea of the Perfection
"of Painting, mentions tliis picture, painted by .Malvagius, as he
"calls him, (John M;ibuse, of a little town of the same name in
"Hainault,) and objects to the absurdity of representing Adam
44 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Whc first made music malleable :*
Wlicther the serpent, at the fail,
Had cloven feet, or none at all.t
All this without a gloss, or comment, 185
He could unriddle in a moment.
In proper terms, such as men smatter,
When they tiirow out and miss the^ matter.
For liis Reliirion, it was fit
To match his learning and his wit: I9fl
'Twas Presbyterian, true blue,t
/For he was of that stubborn crew
( Of errant§ saints, whom all men grant
To be the true church militant :||
Such as do build their faith upon 195
I The holy text of pike and gun ;ir
{ Decide all controversy by
Infallible artillery ;
And prove their doctrine orthodox
By apostolic blows, and knocks ; 20O
Call fire, and sword, and desolation,
A godly-tliorough-Reformation,**
"and Eve with navels, and a fountain of carved imagery in
"Paradise. Tlie latter remark is just ; the former is only wor-
"thy of a critical man midwife." Waipole's Anecdotes of
Painting'. Henry VII. vol. i. p. .")0. Dr. Brown has the fifth
cliajner of tlie tifih l)ook of his Vulgar Errors, expressly on tliis
suliject, " Of the Picture of Ailam and Eve with Navels." '
* This relates to the idea that music was first invented by Py
thagoras, on hearing a hlackstnill' strike his anvil with a ham-
mer— a story which has been iVetiucntly riiiiculed.
t That curse upon the serpent " on thy belly shalt thou go,"
seems to imply a deprivation of what he enjoyed before; it has
been thought that the serpent had feet at lirst. So Basil says,
he went erect like a man, and had the use of speech before the
fall.
\ Alluding to the proverb — " true blue will never stain :"
representing the stubbornness of the party, which made them
deaf to reason, and incapable of conviction.
% The poet uses the word errant with a double meaning;
without doul)t in allusion to knights errant in romances: and
likewise to the bad sense in which tlie word is used, as, an errant
knave, an errant villain.
II Tlie church on earth is called militant, as struggling with
temptations, and suljject to persecutions : but the Presbyterians
of those days were literally the church militant, lighting witli
the establishment, and all that opposed them.
ir Cornet .loyce, when lie carried away the king from Iloldcn-
by, being desirc^d by his majesty to show his instructions, drew
up his troop in tlie inward court, and said, "These, sir, are my
instructions."
** How far the character here given of the Presbyterians is a
true one, I leave others to guess. When they have not had the
upper hand, they certainly have been friends to mildness and
Canto i.]
HUDIBRAS.
45
Which always must be carry'd on, ,
And still be doin^, never done :
' As if Religion were intended
For nothing else biit to be mended.
A sect, wiiose chief devotion lies
In odd per\'erse antipathies :*
In fulling out with that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss :t.
More peevish, cross, and splenetic, ^
Than dog distract, or monkey sick.
That with more care keep holy-day
The wrong, than others the right way :t
Compound for sins they are inclin'd to.
By damning those they have no mind to :
Still so perverse and opposite,
As if they worshipp'd God for spite.
The self-same thing they will abhor
One way, and long another for.
Free-will they one way disavow,
Another, Jiothiiig else allow. §
All piety consists therein
In them, in other men all sin.||
Rather than fail, they will defy
That which they love most tenderly ;
Quarrel with minc'd pies, IT and disparage
205
310
215
220
225
moderation : but Dr. Grey produces passages from soaie of their
violent and absurd writers, which made him think that they
had a strong spirit of persecution at the bottom.
Some of our brave ancestors said of the Romans, " Ubi soli-
"tudinem faciuni, paeem appellant." Tacitus, V'ita .'\gricol. 30.
* In all great quarrels, the parties are apt to take pleasure in
contradicting each other, even in the most trifling matters. The
Presbyterians reckoned it sinful to eat plum-porridge, or minced
pies, at Christmas. The cavaliers observing the formal carriage
of their adversaries, fell into the opposite extreme, and ate and
drank plentifully every day, especially after the restoration.
t Queen Elizabeth v.'as often heard to say, that she knew
very well what would content the Catholics, but that she never
could learn what would content the Puritans.
X In the year 1645, Christmas day was ordered to be observed
as a fiist: a'nd Oliver, when protector, was feasted by the lord
mayor on ,\sh-\Vednesday. When James the First desireil the
magistrates of Edinburgh to feast the French ambassadors before
- their return to France, the ministers proclaimed a fast to be kept
the same day.
% .'\s maintaining absolute predestination, and denying the
liberty of man's will : at the same time contending for absolute
freedom in rites and ceremonies, and the discipline of the church.
ji They themselves being the elect, and so incapable of sin-
ning, and all others being reprobates, and therefore not capable
of performing any good action.
IT "A sort of inquisition was set up, against the food whicn
46 IIUDIHRAS. [Part I.
Their best and dearest friend— pium-porridg-e ;
Fat pig and goose itself oj)po.-;o,
And biaspheme custard throngh the nose. 230
Th' apostles of this fierce religion,
Like Mahomet's, were ass and widgeon,*
To whom our kniglit, by fast instinct
Of wit and temper, was so linkt.
As if hypocrisy and nonsense 235
Had got th' advowson of his conscience.
Thus was he gifted and accouter'd,
We mean on th' inside, not the outward:
That next of all we shall discuss ;
Tlien listen, Sirs, it follovveth thus : 240
His tawny beard was th' equal grace
Both of liis wisdom and his face ;
In cut and dye so like a tile,
A sudden view it would beguile :
The upper part thereof was whey, 245
The nether orange, mixt with grey.
This hairy metej)r_dkl denounce
The fall of sceptres aiuTof crowns ;t
had " been custoni;irUy in use at this season." Blackall's Ser-
mon on Christmas-day.
* Mahomet tells us, in the Koran, that the Angel Galiriel
brought to him a milk-white beast, called ATliorach, something
like an ass, but bigiier, tn carry him to the presence (if God.
Alborach refused to let him get up, unless he Wduld promise to
procure him an entrance into paradise: which Mahomet pro-
mising, he got up. Mahomet is also said to have had a tamo
l)ig('()ti, which lie fiucht secretly tii eat nut of his ear, to make
his fdlUnvcrs lieliove, that liy means of this bird there were im-
parted to him some divine communications. Our poet calls it a
widgeon, for the sake of equivoiiuc ; widgeon in the figurative
sense, signifying a foolish silly fellow. It is usual to say of
such a person, that he is as wise as a widgeon : and a drinking
song has these lines. —
Mahomet was no divine, but a senseless widgeon,
To forbid the use of wine to those of his religion.
Widgeon and weaver, says Mr. Ray, in his rhiloso|ihical Let-
ters, arc male and fem:ile sex.
•"I'hciT are still a multitude of doves abotit Mecca preserved
"and fed there with great care and superstition, being thnnnht
" to bo of th<^ breed of that dove which spake in the ear if Ma-
" homrt." t^Miidvs' 'I'r:ivels.
t Alluding to the vulgir opinion, that comets are always
predictive of some public calamity.
Et nunquam ctclo spectatuni inipune cometen.
I'lii'.y calls a comi't crinita.
Mr. Butler in his Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 54. says,
Which way the dreadful ctnnet went
In sixty-four, and what it meant?
Canto i.j HUDIBRAS 47
With grisly type did represent
Declining age of government, 250
And tell, with hieroglyphic spade.
Its own grave and the state's were made.
Like Sampson's heart-breakers, it grew
In time to make a nation rne ;*
Tho' it contributed its own fall, 255
To wait upon the public downfall :t
It was canonic, I and did grow
In holy orders by strict vow :§
What Nations yet are to bewail
The operations of its tail :
Or whether France or Holland yet,
Or Germany, be in its delitl
What wars and plagues in Christendom
Have happen'd since, and what to come ?
What kinfis are dead, hnw many queens
And princesses are poison'd since !
And who shall next of all by turn,
Wake courts wear black, and tradesmen mourn ■?
And when again shall lay embargo
Upon the admiral, the good ship Argo.
Homer, as translated by Pope, Iliad Iv. 434, says.
While dreadful comets glaring from afir,
Forewarn' d the horrors of the Theban war.
* Heart-hreakers were particular curls worn hy the ladies, and
sometimes hymen. Sampson's strength consisteil in his hair;
when that was cut olf, he was taken prisoner; when it grew
again, he was al)Ie to pull down the house, and destroy his ene-
mies. See .Judges, cap. xvi.
t Many of the Presbyterians and Independents swore not to
cut their beards, not, like Mephibosheth, till the king was re-
stored, hut till monarchy and episcopacy were ruined. Such
vows were common among the barbarous nations, especially the
Germans. Civilis, as we learn from Tacitus, having destroyed
the Roman legions, cut his hair, which he had vowed to let grow
from his first taking up arms. And it became at length a na-
tional custom among some of the Germans, never to trim their
liair, or their beards, till tliey had kill(;d an enemy.
1 The latter editions, for canonic, read monastic.
^ This line would make one think, that in the preceding one
we ought to read monastic; though the vow of nut shaving the
beard till some particular event happened, was not unconnnon
in those times. In a hun)orous poem, falsely ascribed to Mr.
Butler, entitled. The Cobler and Vicar of Bray, we read,
This worthy knight was one that swore
lie would not cut his beard.
Till this ungodly nation was
From kings and bishops clear'd.
Which Iioly vow he firndy kept,
And most lievoutly wore
A grisly meteor on his lace.
Till they were both no more.
48
HUDIBRAS.
[Part i
Of rule as sullen and severe
As tliat of rigid Cordeliere:* 2G0
"Twas bound to suffer persecution
And niartyrdoni with resolution ;
T' oppose itself against the hate
And vengeance of th' incensed state:
In whose defiance it was worn, 265
Still ready to be pnll'd and torn,
With red-hot irons to be tortur'd,
IJevil'd, and spit upon, and niartyr'd :
Mangre all wliich, 'twas to stand fast,
As long as monarchy should last ; 270
But wiien the state should hap to reel,
'Twas to submit to fatal steel.
And fall, as it was consecrate,
A sacrifice to fall of state ;
Whose thread of life the fatal sisters 275
Did twist together with its whiskers.
And twine so close, that Time should never,
In life or death, their fortunes sever ;
But with his rusty sickle mow
Both down together at a blow. 280
So learned Taliacotius, from
The brawny part of porter's bum,
Cut supplemental noses, which
Would last as long as parent breech :t
* An order so called in France, from the knotted cord which
they wore about their noddles. In England they were named
Grey Friars, and were the strictest branch of the Franciscans.
t Taliacotius was professor of physic and surjiery at Bologna,
where he was born, 1553. His treatise is well known. He says,
the operation has been practised by others before him with suc-
cess. See a very liunidrous account of him. Taller, No. 200.
The (lesii;n of Taliacdtiiis has l.iecn improved into a method of
holding correspondence at a great distance, by the sympathy of
flesh transferred from one body to another. If two persons e.\-
change a piece of flesh from the bicepital muscle of the arm,
and circumscribe it with an alphabet; when the one pricks him-
self in A, the other is to have a sensation tliereof in the same
part, and by inspecting his ami, perceive what letter the other
points to.
Our author likewise intended to ridicule Sir Kenelm Digby,
who, in his Treatise on the sympathetic powder, mentiiins, but
with caution, this method of engrafting noses. It has been ob-
served, that the ingenuity of the ancients seems to have failed
them on a similar occasion, since they were obliged to piece ouf
the mutilated slioulder of I'elops with ivory.
In latter days it has been a common practice with dentists, tj
draw the teeth of young cbinmey-sweepers, and fi.\ them in tlie
heads of other ix'rsons. Tlure was a lady wliose mouth was
supplied in this manner. .'Vfter some time the boy claimed the
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 49
But when the date of Nock was out,* 285
Off dropt tlie sympathetic snout.
His back, or rather burthen, show'd
As if it stoop'd with its own load.
For as ^neas bore his sire
Upon his shoulders thro' the fire, 290
Our knight did bear no less a pack
Of his own buttocks on his back :
Which now bad almost got the upper-
Hand of his head, for want of crupper.
To poise this equally, he bore 295
A paunch of the same bulk before :
Which still he had a special care
To keep well-cramm'd with thrifty fare:
As white-pot, butter-milk, and curds,
Such as a country-house affords ; 300
With other victual, which anon
We farther siiall dilate upon.
When of his hose we come to treat,
The cup-board where he kept his meat.
His doublet was of sturdy buff', 305
And though not sword, yet cudgel-proof,
Whereby 'twas fitter for his use.
Who feard no blows but such as bruise.t
His breeches were of rugged woollen,
And had been at the siege of BuUeu ;% 310
tooth, and went to a justice of peace for a warrant against the
lady, who, he alleged, had stolen it. The case would have
puzzled Sir Hudibras.
Dr. Hunter mentions some ill effects of the practice. A per-
son who gains a tooth, n)ay soon after want a nose. The simile
has been translated into Latin thus :
Sic adscititios nasos de clune torosi
Vectoris docta sccuit Taliacotius arle:
Qui potuere parem durando square parentem ;
At postquiim falo clunis coinputruit, ipsum
Una syniphaticuni ccepit tabescere rostrum
* Nock is a British word, sisnifying a slit or crack. And
hence figuratively, nates, la fesse, the fundament. Nock,
Nockys, IS used by Gawin Douglas in his version tif the JEne\i\,
for the bottom, or extremity of any thing ; Glossarists say, the
word hath that sense both in Italian and Dutch: others think it
a British word.
t A man of nice honor suffers more from a kick, or slap in
the face, than from a wound. Sir Walter Raleigh says, to be
strucken with a sword is like a man, but to be strucken with a
stick is like a slave.
i Henry VIIl. besieged Boulogne in person, July 14, 1544. He
was very fat, and consequently his breeches very large. See
the paintings at Cowdry in Sussex, and the engravings published
3
50 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
To old King Harry so well known,
Some writers held they were his own,
Tiiro' they were lin'd with many a piece
or ammunition-bread and cheese,
And fat black-puddings, proper food 315
For warriors that delight in blood:
For, as we said, he always chose
To carry vittle in liis hose,
Tliat often tempted rats and mice,
Tiie ammunition to surprise: d2f
And wlien he put a hand but in
The one or tli' other magazine.
They stoutly in defence on't stood.
And from the wounded foe drew blood ^
And till th" were storm'd and beaten out, 325
Ne'er left the fortifi'd redoubt ;
And tlio' knights errant, as some think.
Of old did neither eat nor diink,'*
Because when thorough desarts vast.
And regions desolate they past, 330
Where belly-timber above ground,
Or under, was not to be found.
Unless they graz'd, there's not one word
Of their provision on record :
Which made some contidently write, 335
They had no stomachs but to fight.
'Tis false : for Arthur wore in hallt
Round, table like a farthingal,t
by the Society of Antiquaries. Their breeches and hose were
ihe same, Port-hose, Triini<-hose, Pantaloons, were ail like our
sailors' trowsers. See Pedules in C'owel, and the 74th canon ad
fineni.
* "Though I think, says Don Quixote, that I have read as
•' many hisiories of chivalry in my time as any other man, I
" never could find that kni<ihts errant ever eat, unless it were
"liy mere accident, wlien tliey were invited to sireat feasts and
" royal bani]nets ; at ottier times, ihey indulged lliemselves with
"little other food besides their thoughts."
t .Arthur is saiil to have lived about the year 530, and to have
been horn in SOI, but so Hiany romantic exploits are attributed to
him, that some have doubted vvhctlier there was any truth at all
in his history.
(ieoflVey of Monmouth calls him the son of T'ther Pendracon,
others think he was himself called Ulher Pendragon : IJthersig-
nifyin;; in the British tongue a club, because as with a club he
heat down tbc Saxons: Per.dragon, because he wore a dragon on
the crest of his helmet.
t 'i'be f.irtbint;al was a sort of hoop worn by the ladies. King
Arthur is said to have made choice of the round table that his
knights might not quarrel about precedeiice.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 61
On which, with shirt puU'd out behind,
And eke before, his good knights din'd. 340
Tho' 'twas no table some suppose.
But a huge pair of round trunk hose :
In which he carry'd as much meat,
As he and all his knights could eat,*
When laying by their swords and truncheons, 345
, They took their breakfasts, or their iiuncheons.t
; But let that pass at present, lest
I We siiould forget wliere we digres't ;
As learned authors use, to whom
We leave it, and to th' purpose come. ^ 350
His puissant.aiKord unto his side, "
Near his undaunted lieart, was ty'd.
With basket-hilt, that would hold broth,
And serve for fight and dinner both.
In it he melted lead for bullets, 355
To shoot at foes, and sometimes 'mllets ;
To whom he bore .'•o fell a grutch,
He ne^f^r gave quarter 1' any such.
The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty,!
For want of fighting was grown rusty, 360
And ate jnto itself, for lack
Of somebody to hew and hack.
The peaceful scabbard where it dwelt.
The rancour of its edge had felt :
For of the lower end two handful 365
It liad devour'd, 'twas so manful, '
And so much scorn'd to lurk in case,
As if it durst not shew its face.
*Trne-wit, in Ben ,Tniis,;n's Silent Woman, says of Sir Amor-
ous La Fool, " If he could but victual himself for half a year in
" his breeches, h? is sufficiently armed to over-run a country."
Act 4, sc. 5.
t j\ruvclieons. — Meals now made by the servarits of most fam-
ilies ;ibout iinnn-tide, or twelve o'clock. Our ancestors in the
I3th and 14th centuries had lour meals a day, — breaktast at 7;
dinner at 10 ; supper at 4 ; and livery at 8 or [I ; soon after which
they went to-bed. See the Earl of iSiorthiimberland's household-
book.
The tradesmen and laboring people had only 3 meals a day,
— breakfast at 8 ; dinner at 12 ; and supper at 6. They had no
livery.
J'l'oledo is a city in Spain, the capital of Nev,' Castile, fiimous
for the manufacture of swords : the Toledo blades were general-
ly broad, to wear on horseback, and of great lens-th, suitable to
the old Spanish dress. See Dillon's Voyage through Spain, 4to
178:2. But those which I have seen were narrow, like a stiletto,
but much longer: though probably our hero's was broad, as is
implied by the epithet trencliant; culling.
52 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
In many desperate attempts,
Of warrants, exigents,* contempts, 370
It had appear'd with courage bolder
Than Serjeant Bum invading shoulder :t
Oft liad it ta'en possession.
And pris'ners too, or made them run.
This sword a dagger had, his page, 375
That was but little for liis age : t
And therefore waited on him so,
As dwarfs upon knights errant do.
It was a serviceable dudgeon, §
Either for fighting or for drudging :|| 380
When it had stabb'd, or broke a head.
It would scrape trenchers, or ciiip bread,
Toast cheese or bacon, IT thougli it were
To bait a mouse-trap, 'twould not care :
'Twould make clean slioes, and in the earth 385
Set leeks and ou'dus, and so forth :
It had been 'prentice to a brewer,**
* Exigent is a writ issued in order to bring a person to an out-
lawry, if he does not appear to answer the suit conunenced
against him.
t Alluding to the method by which l)uni-l)ailirts, as they are
called, arrest persons, j^iving them a lap on tlio shoulder.
J Thus Homer accoutres Aganieiniion vvitli a daiifrer hanging
near his sword, whicli he used instead of a knife. Iliad. iAb. iii.
271. A gentleman producing some wine to his guests in small
glasses, and saying it was sixteen years old ; a person repTuMl it
was very small for its age — i-iidiTog ii rnoi olvov iv u-vKTrifJiSiiji
TuanTwv trCiv. Alliena;us Ed. Casaubuii. pp. 584 and Ooo, lib
xiii. 'Jf'J.
§ A dudgeon was a short sword, or dagger: from the Teutonic
degen, a snord.
II That is for doing any drudgery-worii, such as follows in the
next verses.
II Corporal Nim says, in Shakspeare's Henry V., " I dare not
"fight, but I will wink, and liold out mine iron: it is a simple
"one, litU what though — it will toast cheese."
** 'J'liis was a couunon juke upon Oliver Cromwell, who was
said to liMvc been a piirtner in a lirewery. It was frequently
made tlie siil)j(:ct of lampoon during his lifo-timc. In the collec-
tion of loyal songs, is one called tlie I'rotecting Brewer, which
has these stanzas —
A brewer may be ns bold as a hector,
When as he had drunk his cup of nectar.
And a brewer may be a liord I'rotector,
Which nobody can deny.
Now here remains the strangest thing.
How Ibis brewer about his litjuor did bring
To be an emperor or a king.
Which nobody tan deny.
Canto i.]
HUDIBRAS.
Where this, and more, it did endure ;
But left the trade, as many more
Have lately done, on the same score.
In th' holsters, at the saddle-bow,
Two aged pistols he did stow,
Among the surplus of such meat
As in his hose he could not get.
These would inveigle rats witli th' scent,
To forage when the cocks were bent ;
And sometimes catch 'em with a snap,
As cleverly as th' ablest trap.*
They were upon hard duty still.
And every night stood sentinel,
To guard the magazine in th' hose.
From two-legjr'd and from four-legg'd foes.
Thus clad and forti'"y'd, Sir Knight,
From peaceful home set forth to tight.
But first with nimble active force,
He got on th' outside of his horse :t •
For iiaving but cue stirrup ty'd
T' his saddle, on the further side,
It was so short^i' liad much ado
T<3 rracii it with his desp'rate toe.
But after many strains and heaves,
He got upon the saddle eaves,
From wiience he vaulted into th' seat,
Vv'itli so much vigour, strength, and heat,
That he had almost tumbled over
With !iis own weight, but did recover,
By laying hold on tail and mane,
Which oft l:c us'd instead of rein.
But now we talk of mounting steed,
Before we further do proceed,
53
.•!90
.395
400
405
410
415
420
Bui wliether Oliver was retilly concerned in a iirewery, at any
peiiiid of his life, il is ilifticult to determine. Heath, one of liis
professed enemies, assures us, in his Flagelluai, that there was
no foun<lation for the report.
Colonel Pride had been a brewer: Colonel Hewson was first a
shoemaker, then a brewer's clerk : and Scott had been clerk to a
brewer.
* This and the preceding couplet were in the first editions,
but afterwards left out in the aiuiior's copy.
t iNolliint; can be more completely droll, than this description
of Uudibras mounting his horse. He had one stirrup tied on the
oli-siilc very short, the saddle very large ; the knight sliort, fat,
and (ieformed, having his breeches and pockets stutt'ed with
black puddings and other provision, overacting his elVort to
mount, and nearly tumbling over on the opposite side; his siti-
gle spur, we may suppose, catching in some of his horse's furni-
ture.
54
HUDIBRAS.
[Part i
It doth behove us fo say sonicthiiijf
Of timt wliicli bore our valiant buralda,*
The beast was sturdy, large, and tall,
With mouth of meal, and eyes of wall ;
I would say eye, for h' liad but one,
As most agree, though some say none.
He was well stay'd, and in his gait,
Preserv'd a grave, majestic state.
At spur or switch no more ho skipt.
Or mended pace, than Spaniard whipt:t
And yet so fiery, he would bound,
As if he griev'd to touch tiie ground :
That Ctesar's horse, who, as fame goes.
Had corns upon his feet and toes,!:
Was not by iialf so tender-hooft,
Nor trod upon the ground so soft :
And as that beast would kneel and stoop,
Some write, to take his rider .up,§
425
430
435
* A silly country fellow, nr awkward stick of wood, from the
Belgbooin, iirhnr, and ken, or kin, a diminutive.
t Tliis alludes to the st(iry nfa Sjiani^ird, vyiio was condemned
to rnn tli5 ^.inUet, .-ind disdained to avoid any part of the piuiisli-
uient by luendini; his pace.
t Suetonius relates, that the hoofs of Caesar's horse were di-
vided like toes. And again, I.ycosthenes, de prodigiis et por-
tenlis, p. 214, has the following passage: "Julius (,'iesar cum
"Lusitania; prteesset— equus insignis. fissis unguihus anleriorum
" pedum, et propemodum digituium luunanorum natnsest; ferox
"admoduni, atfjue elatus: qucni natum apud se, cum auruspices
" imperium orbis terra; significare donuno proniuitiassent, magni
''cura aluit; nee patienteiu sessoris alterius, prinnis ascendit
'■cujus etiaiu signum pro Mde V'eneris genetricis postea dedica-
"vit." — The statue of Julius Caesar's horse, which was placed
helorc the temple of Venus Genetrix, had the hoofs of the fore
feet parted 'ike the toes of a man. Monlfiucon's Antiq. v. ii. p.58
In Havercanip's Medals of Christina, on the reverse of a coin
of (Jonlianus Pius, pi. 34, is represented an horse with two hu-
man fore I'cel, or rather one a loot, tlie other a liand. .'Vrion is
said, by the scholiast, on Statins Theb. vi. ver. 301, to have had
the feet of a man — humano vestigio de.xtri pedis
5 Stirrups were not in use in the time of Ca'sar. Common
persons, who were active and hardy, vaulted into their scats;
and persons of distinction had their horses taught to bend down
toward the ground, or else they were assisted by their slralors
or equerries. Q. Curtius mentions a remarkable instance of do-
cility of the elephants in the army of king Porus : " Indus more
"solito elepliaiUlUM procumhere jussit in genua; qui ut se sub-
" missit, ceteri quoqiie, ita enim insiituti erant. denfiscrc" corpora
" in terrain." 1 know no writer who relates thai Cic-^ar's hor>e
would kneel: ami perhaps Mr. Butler's memory deceived liim.
Of Hucephalus, the favored steed of ."Alexander, it is said — ''ille
"nee in dorso insidero suo patiebatur alium; et regem, (piiun
" vellet ascender<,' sponte sua genua submittens, excipiebat ; cre-
"debaturque scnlire quem veheret." See also IJiodor. Sicul. el
Caxto I.]
HUDIBRAS.
55
So Hudibras his, 'tis well known,
Would often do, to set him down.
We siiall not need to say what lack
Of leather was upon his back :
For that was hidden under pad,
And breech of Knight gall'd full as bad.
His strutting ribs on both sides show'd
Like furrows he himself had plovv'd :
For underneath the skirt of pannel,
'Twixt every two there was a channel.
His draggling tail hung in the dirt,^
Which on his rider he would flirt ;
iStill as his tender side he prickt,
With arm'd heel, or with unarm'd, kickt ;
For Hndibras wore but one spur,
As wisely knowing, could he stir
To active trot one side of 's horse,
Tiie other would not hang an arse.
A Squire he had, whose name was Ralph,*
440
445
4a0
455
Plut;irch. de solert. animal. Mr. Butler, in his MS. CommoQ-
pUice Book, applies the sailille to the right horse ; for he says,
Like Bucephalus's briUish hnnor.
Would have none mount but the right owner.
Iliidibras's horse is described very much in the same manner
with that of Don Quixote's lean, stiff", jaded, foundered, with a
sharp ridge of bones. Rozinante, however, could boast of " mas
'•quartos que un real" — an equivoque entirely lost in most
translations. Quirto signifies a crack, or chop, in a horse's hoof
or heel : it also signifies a small piece of money, several of whi(-h
go lo make a real.
* As the knight was of the Presbyterian party, so the squire
was an Anabaptist or Independent. This gives our author an
opportunity of characterizing both these sects, and of shewing
their joint concurrence against the king and church.
The Presbyterians and Independents had each a separate form
of church discipline. The Presbyterian system appointed, for
everv parish, a minister, one or more deacons, and two ruling
elders, who were laymen chosen by the parishioners. Each
parish was subject to a classis, or union of several parishes. A
deputation of two ministers and four ruling elders, from every
classis in the county, constituted a provincial synod, ."^nd su-
perior to the provincial was the national synod, consisting
of deputies from the former, in the proportion of two ruling
elders to one minister. .Appeals were allowed throughout these
several jurisdictions, and ultimately to the parliament. On the
attachment of the Presbyterians to their lay elders, ilr. Seldon
ob-ervcs in his Table-talk, p. 118, that " there nuist be some lay-
" men in tiie synod to overlook the clergy, lest they spoil the
" civil work: just as when the uood woman puts a cat into the
" milk-house, she sends her maid to look after the cat, lest the
"cat should eat up the cream."
The Independints mainliined, that every congreg.ition was a
complete church within itself, and had no dependence on clas-
56
HUDIBRAS.
[Paut 1.
That in th' adventure went !iis half.
Though writers, for more stately tou!"..
,{ Do call him Ralpiio, 'tis all one : 460
/ f And when we can, with metre safe,
We'll call him so, if not, plain Raph ;*
For rhyme the rudder is of verses,
With which, like ships, they steer their courses.
An equal stock of wit and valor 465
He had lain in, by birth a tailor.
The mighty Tyrian queen that gain'd,
With subtle shreds, a tract of land,t
Did leave it, with a castle fair,
To his great ancestor, her heir ; 470
From liim descended cross-legg'd knights,!
Fam'd for their faith and warlike fights
Against the bloody Cannibal, §
sical, provincial, or national synods or assemblies. They chose
their own ministers, and required no ordination or laying on of
hands, as the Presl)yterians di<l. They admitted any gifted bro-
ther, that is, any enthusiast who thought he could preach or
pray, into their assemblies. They entered into covenant with
their minister, and lie with them. Soon alter the Revolution
the Presbyterians and Independents coalesced, the former yield-
ing in some respects to the latter.
* Paulino Ausonius, nietrum sic suasit, ut esses
Tu prior, et nomen pra;grederere meum.
Sir Roger L'Estrange supposes, that in his description of Ual-
pho, our author had in view one Isaac Robinson, a butcher in
aioortields; others think that the character was designed for
Premble, a tailor, and one of the committee of sequestrators.
Dr. Grey supposes, that the name of Ralph was taken from the
grocer's apprentice, in Beaumont and Fletcher's play, called the
Knight of the Burning Pestle. Mr. Pendierton, who was a rela-
tion and godson of Mr. Butler, said, that the 'squire was designed
for Ralph Bedford, esquire, member of parliament for the town
of Bedlord.
t 'J'he allusion is to the well-known stnry of Dido, who pur-
chased as niacli land as ^he could surnmnd with an ox's hide.
She cut the liide into small strips, and obtained twenty-two fur-
longs.
Mercatique solum, facti de nomine Byrsam,
Taurino quantum possent circnmilaro tergo.
Virg. jEncid, lib. i. 3G7.
t Tailors, who usually sit at their work in this posture; and
knights of the Holy Voyage, [lersons who had made a vow to go
to the Holy Land, after death were represented oji their monu-
ments with their legs across. " f^nmptuosi-^sima |)cr orliem
"christiannm erecta cconobia. ; in quilius hodie qu<.(iiie videre
"licet mililnm illornm imagines, mnnurocntu, libiis in cruceni
" transversis : sic enim sepuiti fuernnl (|tiniiiuot illo seculo noui-
"ina hello sacro dedissent. vol qui tunc temporis cruceni susce-
" ])issent." Chronic. Kcclesiast. lib. ii. p. "i'-l-
$ Tailors, as well as knights of the Holy Voyage, are famed
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 57
Whom they destroy'd both great and small.
This sturdy Squire had, as well 475
As the bold Trojan knight, seen hell,*
Not with a counterfeited pass
Of golden bough.t but true gold lace.
His knowledge was not far behind
The knight's, but of another kind, 480
And he another way came by"t ;
Some call it gifts, and some new light. >' ^^^^s
A lib'ral art that costs no pauis - ^ '"•'
Of study, industry, or brains. ^ i-^
His wits were sent liim for a token, '485 "'
But in the carriage crack'd and broken.l
Like commendation ninepence crookt,
With — to and from my love — it lookt.§
for their faith, the former frequently trusting much in the way
of their trade. The words, blocxly cannibal, are not altogether
applied to the Saracens, who, on many occasions, behaved with
great generosity ; but they denote a more insignificant creature,
to whom tlie tailor is said to be an avowed enemy.
* In allusion to .^neas's descent into hell, and tlie tailor's re-
pairing to the place under the board on which he sat to work,
called hell likewi.se, being a receptacle for all the stolen scraps
of cloth, lace, &c.
t Mr. Montagn-e Bacon says, it should seem, by these lines,
that the poet thought Virgil meant a counterfeited bough; Dr.
Plot, in his History of Statiordshire, says, that gold in the mines
often grows in the shape of boughs, and branches, and leaves;
theret'ore Virgil, who understood nature well, though he gave it
a poetical turn, means no more than a sign of ^neas's going
under ground where mines are.
t That is, that he was crack-brained.
ij From this passage, and from the proverb used, (Post. Works,
V. ii. Xo. 114.) viz., ''he has brought his noble to a ninepence,"
one would be led to conclude that some coins had actually been
strucken of this denomination and value. And, indeed, two in-
stances of this are recorded by Mr. Folkes, both during the civil
wars, the one at Dublin, and the other at Newark. Table of
English coins, ed. 176:5. p. 'J-2. plates 27, 4, and 28. But long be-
fore this period, by royal proclamation of .luly 9. 1.55I, the base
testoons or shillings of Henry VIH. and Edward VI. were rated
at ninepence, (Folkes, ibid. p. 37.) and of these there were great
n'imliers. It miy he conjectured also, that the dipt shillings of
Edward and Elizabeth, and, perhaps, some foreign silver coins,
might pass by common allowance and tacit agreen)ent for nine-
pence, and be .-o called. In William Prynne's answer to John
Audland the Uuaker, in Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 383,
we read, a light piece of gold is good and lawful English coin,
current with allowance, thouah it be dipt, tiled, washed, or
worn; even so are my ears legal, warrantable, and sutfident
ears, however they have been dipt, par'd, cropt, circumcis'd.
In aneen Elizabeth's time, as Holinshed, Stow, and Camden
affirm, a proclamation was issued, declaring that the testoona
coined for twelve-pence, should be current for four-pence half
penny ; an inferior sort, marked with a greyhound, for two-pence
3*
58 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
He ne'er consider'd it, as loth*
To look a gift horse in the mouth ; 490
And very wisely wonld lay forth
No more upon it than 'twas worth,t
But as he got it freely"", so
He spent it frank and freely too.
■' For saints themselves will sometimes he, 493
Of gifts that cost them nothing, free.
By means of this, with hem and cough,
Prolongers to enlighten'd snnff,t
He cjuld deep mysteries unriddle,
r.irlhinsi; and a third and worst sort not to be current at all:
stamping and milling money look iilace about the year 168-J.
All or any of these pieces might serve for pocket-pieces among
the vulgar, and be given to their sweethearts or comrade^ as
tokens of remembrance and affection. At this day an Eliza-
beth's shilling is notunfrequently ai)|)lied to such purpose. Tlie
country people say commonly, I will use your commendations,
that is, make your compliments. George Philips, before his
execution, bended a si.\pcnce, and presented it to a friend of his,
Mr. Stroud. He gave a bended shilling to one Mr. Clark. See a
brief narrative of the .stupendous tragedy intended by the satan-
ical saints, 16G2, p. .TO.
* That is, he did not consider it was crackt and broken, or per-
haps it may moan, he did not overvalue, and hoard it up. it
being given him by inspiration, according to the doctrine ofihe
Independents.
t When the barber came to shave Sir Thomas More the
morning of his execution, the i)risoner told him, " that there
" was a contest betwixt the Iviiig and him for his head, and he
" would not willingly lay out more upon it than it was worth."
t Prolongers to enlighten'd snuff. — This reading seems con-
firmed by Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 5d, and I prefer it
to "enlightened stuff." Enlightened snutT is a good allusion.
As a lamp just expiring with a faint light for want of oil, emits
flashes at intervals ; so the tailor's shallow discourse, like the
extempore preaching of his brethren, was lengthened out with
hems and coughs, with stops and pauses, for «ant of matter.
The preachers of those days considered hems, nasal tones, and
coughs, as graces of oratory. Some of Iheirdiscoursesare printed
with breaks and marginal notes, which shew where the preacher
introduced his endicllishmcnls.
'I'he expiring state of the lamp has furnished .Mr. .-Vddison
with ;i beautiful simile in his Cato :
Thus o'er the dying lamp th' unsteady flame
Hangs quivering on a point, leaps off by fits.
And falls again, as loath to quit its hold.
And Mr. Butler, Partiii. Cant. ii. I. 349, says,
Prolons the snuff of life in pain.
And from the grave recover — gain.
See also Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 374. " And this serves
"thee to the s;ime purpose that hem's and hah's do thy gifted
" ghostly fathers, that is, to lose lime, and put olfthy comjnodity."
Butler seems fond of this expression : " tlie sn Jlf of the moon
*' te full as harsh as the snuff of a sermon."
Canto i.]
HUDIBRAS.
As easily as thread a needle ;
For as of vagabonds we say,
That tliey are ne'er beside their way :
Wiiate'er men speak by this new light, \
Still they are sure to be i' th' riglit, 1
'Tis a dark-lanthorn of the sph'it,
Which none see by but tliose that bear it ;
A light that falls down from on high,*
For spiritual trades to cozen by :
\n ignis fatuus, that bewitches.
And leads men into pools and ditches, t
To make them dip themselves, and sound
For Christendom in dirty pond ; ~ --,
To dive, like wild-fowl, for salvation, I
And fish to catch regeneration.
This light inspires, and plays upon
The nose of saint, like bagpipe drone.
And speaks through hollow empty soul,
As through a trunk, or whisp'ring hole.
Such language as no mortal ear
But spiritual eaves-droppers can hear.
So Pha3bus, or some friendly muse,
Into small poets song infuse ;
Which they at second-hand rehearse, -
Thro' reed or bagpipe, verse for verse. -
Thus Ralph became infallible.
As three or four legg'd oracle, '
The ancient cup or modern chair ;t
Spoke truth point blank, though unaware^^
For mystic learning wondrous abte
In magic talisman, and cabal, §
59
500
505
510
515
520
525
530
* A burlesque parallel between the spirUual gifts, and the
sky-lights which traiksinpii sometimes have in their shops tc
shew their gomls to advuntage.
t An hiuuorous parallel between the vapory exhalation
which misleads the traveller, and the re-baptizing practised by
the Anabaptists.
j "Is nut this the cup, sal th Joseph's steward, whereby in-
deed my lord divined 1" The Pope's dictates are said to be
infallible, when he delivers them ex cathedra. The i)riestess
of Apollo at Delphos used a three-legged stool when she gave
' out her oracles. From Joseph's cup, perhaps, came the idea of
telling fortunes by cotlee grounds.
Four-legged oracle, means telling fortunes from quadrupeds.
The word oracle occurs in like latitude, p. 2, c. ill. v. .)r)9.
$ Talisman was a magical inscription or figure, engraven<ol
cast, by the direction of astrologers, under certain positions of
the heavenly bodies. The talisman of Apollv)nius, which stood
in the hippodrome at Constantinople, was a bra/.en eagle. It
60 HUDIBRAS. FParti.
Whose primitive tradition reaches,
/is far as Adam's first green breeches :*
Deep-sighted in intelligences,
Ideas, atoms, influences ;
And much of terra incognita, 535
'I'll' intelligible world could say ;t
A deep occult philosopher.
As learn'd as the wild Irish are,1:
was melted down when the Latins took that city. They were
thought to have great etikacy as preservatives from disease and
all kinds of evil. The iniajje of any vermin cast in the precise
moment, under a i)anicular position of the stars, was supposed
to destroy the vermin represented. Some make Apullonius
Tyan^us the inventur of talismans : but they were probably of
still higher antiquity. Necepsus, a king of Efiypt, wrote a treatise
De ratione prajscicndi fulura, &c. Thus Ausonins, Epist. 19.
Pontio Paulino — " Quique magos docuit mysteria vana Xecep-
sus." The Greeks called them TsXw/jara, but the name proba-
bly is Arabic. Gregory's account of tliem is learned a>nd copious.
Cabal, or cabbala, is a sort of divination by letters or numbers :
it signities likewise the secret or mysterious doctrines of any
religion or sect. The .lews pretend to have received their cab-
bala from INIoses, or even from .\dam. ".Viunt se conservasse
a teniporibus Mosis, vel etiam ipsius .Adami. doctrinam quandam
arcanam dictam cabalajn." Burnet's Archeol. Philosoph.
* The author of the Magia Adamica endeavors to prove, that
the learning of the ancient Magi was derived from the l;now-
ledge which God hijusclf communicated to Adam in paradise.
The second line was probably intended to burlesque the Gene-
va translation of the Uible, published with notes. 1599, which
in the third of Genesis, says of Adam and Eve, "they sewed
tig-leaves together, and made themselves breeches." In Mr.
Butler's character of an hermetic philosopher, (Genuine Re-
mains, vol. ii. p. 2i!T,) we read ; " he derives the pedigree of ma-
"gic from Adam's first green breeches ; because tig-leaves being
" the first cloaths that mankind wore, were only used for cover-
"ing, and therefore are the most anlient monuments of con-
"cealed mysteries."
t " hieas, according to my philosophy, are not in the soul,
"but in a superior intelligililc nature, 'wherein the soul only
" behalds and contemplates them. And so they are only ob-
"jectively in the soul, or tani|nam in cognoscente, hut really
" elsewhere, even in the intelligible world, that Koe/joi loriris
" which Plato speaks of to which the soul is united, and where
"she beholds them." See Mr. Norris's Letter to Mr. Dodwell,
concerning the immortality of the soul of man, p. 114.
I See the ancient and modern customs of the Irish, in Cam-
den's Britannia, and Speed's Theatre. Here the poet may use
his favorite tignre. the anticlimax. Yet I am not eerlain whether
Mr. Butler did not mean, in earnest, to call the Irish learned:
for in the ago of .-^t. Patrick, the Saxons flocked to Ireland as to
the great mart of learning. We find it ofien mentioned in our
writers, that such an one was sent into [reland to be educated
Sulgenus, who flourished about six hundred years ago —
Exemplo patrnm conimotus amore Icgendi
Ivit ad Hibernos, sophia mirabile claros.
Canto I.] HUDIBRAS. 61
Or Sir Agrippa, for profound
And solid lying inucli renown'd :* 540
He Anthroposopiuis, and Floud,
And Jacob Behmeu understood ;t
Knew many an anuilet and cliarm,
That would do neither good nor harm ;
111 Mr. Biilier's MS. Coninion-place bonk he says, " When Uie
Saxiinsiiiviided the Britons, it is very prob:ihle thut iiiiiny fit-d
" into foreign countries, to ;ivoid the fury of their anus, (as tht,
" Veneti did into the islands of the Adriatic sea, when Allila
■'invaded Italy,) and some, if not most into Ireland, who car-
'• ried with them that learning whicli tlie Kcimaas h,;d planted
" liere, which, when the Saxuns hail nearly extinguished it ia
"this island, fbmrishcd at so high a r.iie tlicre, that most of
" those nations, among wluim the northern people had inlio-
" duced barliarisin, beginning to recover a little civility, were
'■ glad tu send their children to be instructed in religion ;anl
" learning, into Ireland."
* Sir Agrippa wa.s born at (,'ologn, ann. 148(5, and knighted for
his military services nailer the Emi'eror Maximilian. When
very young, he piiblishn! a book De Occulta I'hilosophia, wli.ch
conta"ins almost all the stories that ever nigucry invented, or
credulity swallowed concerning the operations of magic. But
Agrippa was a man of great worth and honor, as well as ol'
great learning ; and in his riper years was thoroughly ashamed
of this book ; nor is it to be found in the folio edition of his
works.— In his preface he says, " Si alicubi erratum sit, sive
"quid lilierius dictum, ignoscite adolescentia; nostr;e, qui minor
"quam adolescens hoc opus composui : ut possim me excu-are.
" ac dicere, dum eram parvulus, loquebar ut |iarvnlus, factus
" autem vir, evacuavi qua; erant parvuli ; ac in libro de vanitale
"scicntiarum hunc libruin magna ex parte retractavi." — i'aiilus
Jovius in his " Elogia doctorum Virornm," says of ^ir Agrippa,
" a Ctesare ernditionis ergo equestris ordinis digniiate lione-ta-
" tus." p. 237. Bayle, in his Dictionary v. Agrippa, note O,
says that the fourth book was untruly ascribed to Afifippa..
t Antbroposophus was a nickname given to one Thomas Vaitgh-
an, Kector of Saint Bridge's, in Brdfortlshire, and author of a
discourse on the nature of man in the state after death, eiililh-d,
Anlhroposophia Theomagica.— ".4. treatise," says Dean ^uift,
"written about fifty years ago, liy a Welch gentleman of (am-
" bridge: his name, as I remember, was Vaughan, as ajipears
" by the answer to it written by the learned Dr. Henry Moor:
"ills a piece of the most unintelligible fustian that perlnips
"was ever published in aiiv binguige."
Robert Fbmd, a native of Kent, and son of Sir Thomas Floud,
Treasurer ol War Ui Queen Elizabeth, was Doctor of Physic of
St. .lobn's College, Oxford, and much given to occuil philosophy.
De wrote an apology for the Kosycrucians, also a. system of
physics, called the Mosaic Pbilosophy, and many other .ibscure
and mystical tra.cts. Monsieur Rapin says, that Eloud was the
Paracelsus of philosophers, as l'aracel>us was the Floud of phy-
sicians. His oiiinions were thoiialit worthy of a serious confu-
tation by f4assendi. .I.icob Belimen was an impostor and en-
thusiast, of somewhat an ca.rlier date, by trade, I lielieve, a colt-
bler. iMr. Law, wlio revived some of his notions, calls him a
Theosopher. He wrote uninteligibly in dark mystical terms.
62 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
In Rosycrucian lore as learned,* 5io
As lie that vere adeptiis earned :
He understood the speech of birdst _
* The Rosycrucians were a sect of herinetical philo-iopliers.
The name appcHrs to lie derived from los, dew, and crux, a cross.
Dew was sup|)osed to lie ihe most j)iiwerrul solvent i)tf;old ; and
a cross + contains the letters wiiich compose the word luy.
light, called, in the jargon of the sect, the seed or inenstriuiin
ot the red drayon ; or, in other words, that gross and corporeal
light, which, properly mijdi lied, produces gold. They owed their
origin to a German gentleman, called Christian Rosencruz ; and
from him likewise, perhaps, their name of Rosycrncians, though
they frequently went by other nanjes, such as the Illuminaii,
the Inmiortales, the Invisihle Brothers. This gentleman had
travelled to the Holy Land in the fourteenth century, and formed
an acqnaintance with some eastern philosophers. They were
noticed in England before the beginning of the last century.
Their learning liad a great nfi.\tnre of enthusiasm ; and as
Lemery, the famous chymist, says, ■' it was an art without an
"art, whose beginning was lying, whose middle was labor, and
" whose end was beggary." Mr. Hales, of Eton, concerning
the weapon salve, p. -it^i, says, "a merry gullory put upon the
"world; a guild of men, who .■^tyle thenjselves the brethren of
" the Rosycross ; a fraternity, who, what, or v/here they are, no
" man yet, no not they who believe, admire, and devote them-
'' selves unto them, could ever discover." — ti'ee Chaufepic's
Diet. v. Jungius, note D ; and Brucker. Hi it. Critic. Phil. iv. i. p.
73(i. Nauda;us and Mosheim. Inst. Hist. Christ, recent, sec. 17.
I. 4, 28.— Lore, i. e. science, knowledge, frmu Anglo-Saxon, learn,
laeran, to teach.
t The senate and people of Ahdera, in their letter to Hii)po-
crates, give it as an instance of the madness of Democritus, that
he pretended to understand the language of birds. I'orphyry,
de abstinentia, lib. iii. cap. 3, contends that aniirials have a lan-
guage, and that men may understand it. He instamces in Me-
lampus and Tiresias otold, and ApoUonius of Tyana, who heard
one swallow proclaim to the rest, that by the fall of an ass a
quantity of wheat lay scattered upon the road. I believe swal-
lows do not eat wheat. [Certainly not.] I'hilostratus tells us
the same tale, with more propriety, of a sparrow. Porphyry
iidds, — " a friend assured me that a youth, who was his jiage,
" understood all the articulations of birds, and that they were
"all iirophetic. But the boy was unhappily deprived of the
" faculty ; for his mother, fearing he should be sent as a present
•' to the emperor, took an oi)portunity. when he was asleep, to
" piss into his ear." The author of the Targuni on Esther says,
that Solomon understood the speech of birds.
The reader will be amused by comparing the above lines with
Mr. Butler's character of an Hermetic philosopher, in the second
volume of his Genuine Remains, published by Mr. Thycr, p. 21.'),
a character which contains much wit. Mr. IJruce in his Trav-
els, vol. ii. p. 213, says, There was brought into .\byssinia a bird
called Para, about the bigness of a hen, and spoke all languages,
Indian, Portuguese, and .Vrabic. It named the king's name ;
although its voice was that of a man, it could neigh like a horse,
and mew like .a cat, but did not sing likea bird — from an Histori-
an of that country. — In the year U')'>r>, a book was printed in
London, by John Stalford, entitled, Ornithologie, or the Speech
of Birds, to which probably Mr. Btttler nfight allude.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. , 63
As well as they themselves do words ;
Could tell what subtlest parrots mean,
That speak and think contrary clean ; 5o''
What member 'tis of whom they talk,
When they cry Rope — and Walk, Knave, walk.*
He'd extract numbers out of matter,t
And keep them in a glass, like water.
Of sov'reign povv'r to make men wise :| 555
For, dropt in blear, thick-sighted eyes,
They'd make them see in darkest night.
Like owls, the' purblind in the light.
By help of these, as he profest,
He had first matter seen undrest : 5(jO
He took her naked, all alone.
Before one rag of form was on.§
The chaos too he had descry'd.
And seen quite thro', or else he ly'd :
Not that of pasteboard, which men shew 565
For groats, at fair of Barthol'mew ;||
But its great grandsire, first o' th' name,
Whence that and Reformation came,
Both cousin-germans, and right able
T' inveigle and draw in the rabble : 570
But Reformation was, some say,
* This probably alludes to some parrot, that was taught to cry
rogue, knave, a rope, after persons as they went along the street.
The same is often practised nuw, to the greatotienceof many an
honest countryman, who when he complains to the owner of
the abuse, is told by him. Take care, sir, my parrot prophesies —
this might allude to more members tlian one of the house of
commons.
t Every absurd notion, that could be picked tip from the an-
cients, was adopted by the wild enthusiasts of our author's days.
Plato, as Aristotle informs us, Mutaph. lib. i. c. (i, conceived
ntunliers to exist by themselves, besides the sensibles, like acci-
dents without a substance. I^ylhagoras maintained that sensi-
ble things consisted of numbers, lb. lib. xi. c. 0. And set I'lato
in his Cratylus.
t The Pythagorean philosophy held that there were certain
mystical charms in certain numbers.
Plato held whatsoe'er encumbers.
Or strengthens empire, comes from numbers.
Butler's MS.
ij Thus Cleveland, page 110. "The next ingredient of a diur-
nal is plots, horrible plots, which with wonderful sagacity it
hunts dry foot, while they arc yet in their causes, before materia
prima can put on lier smock."
II The puppet-shews, sometimes called Moralities, exhibited
the chaos, the creation, the llood, &c.
y
^-
fil HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
O' th, younger house to puppet-play.*
IJf<''couId foretel vvhats'ever was,
/'By consequence, to come to pass :
As death of great men, alterations, 575
Diseases, battles, inundations :
All this without tlf eclipse of th' sun,
Or dreadful comet, ho hath done
BJy^w^^R^J UGHT, a way as good,
And easy to be understood : 580
I But with more lucky hit than those
Tiiat use to make the stars depose,
Like knights o' th' post,t and falsely charge
Upon themselves what others forge ;
As if they were consenting to 585
All mischief in the world men do:
Or, like the devil, did tempt and sway 'cm
To rogueries, and then betray 'em.
They'll search a planet's house, to know
Who broke and robb'd a house below ; 590
Examine Venus and the Moon,
Wiio stole a thimble and a spoon ;
And tho' they nothing will confess,
Yet by their very looks can guess.
And tell what guilty aspect bodes,t 595
* It lias not been usual to compare hypdcritcs to puppets, as
not being what they seemed and pretended, nnr having any true
meaning or real con-sciou^ness in what they :;aid or did. I re-
niendier two passajies. written about our author's time, I'roni one
of which he niijiht po.s-ibiy tiike ihe hint. "Even as statues
"and puppets do move their eyes, tlieir hands, their feet, like
"unlD living men; ami yet are not living actors, because their
'•'■ aciiDns come not from an inward .soul, the fountain of lif(\ but
" from the artificial poise of weights when set by the workmen ;
" even so hypocrites." Mr. iMede.
Bishop Laud said, " that some hypocrites, and seeming niorti-
" fiod men that hold down their heads, were like little images
" that they place in the bowing of the vaults of churches, that
" look as if they held up the church, and yet are but pii[)pels."
'J'lio lirst pl.iys acted in England were called Mysteries ; their
subjects were generally scripture stories, such as the Creilion,
the Deluge, the Birth of Christ, the Resurrection, »kc. &c. ; this
sort of puppet-shew induced many to read the Old and A'ew
'J'estamcnt ; and is therefore called the Elder Brother of the
Ueformation.
t Knights of the post were infamous persons, who attended
the courts of justice, to swear for hire to things which they
knew nothing about. In the 14th and 1.5th centuries the common
people were so |)r(iHigale, that not a lew of tbcni lived by swear-
ing for hire in courts of justice. See Henry's History of Eng-
land, and Wilkin. Coiicil. p. 534.
% This, and the following lines, are a very ingenious bur-
lesque upon astrology to which many in those days gave credit.
\-v
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. c:,
Wlio stole, and wlio receiv'd the jroods:
They'll question Mars, and, by his look,
Detect who 'twas that nitnin'd a cloke ;
Make Mercury coiilcss, and 'peach
Those tliieves which he hiniself did teach * ROD
They'll find i' th' pliysiognoiiiics
O' th' planets, all men's destinies ;
Like him tliat took the doctor's bill,
And swallow'd it instead o' th' pill,t
Cast tiie nativity o' th' question, t fi05
And from positions to be guest on,
As sure as if they knew the moment i
Of Native's birth, tell what will come oiJ't
They'll feel the pulses of the stars.
To find out agues, coughs, catarrhs ; 610
And tell what crisis does divine
The rot in sheep, or mange in swine :
In men, what gives or cures the itch,
What made them cuckolds, poor, or rich ;
What gains, or loses, hangs, or saves, 615
What makes men great, what fools, or knaves ;
But not what wise, for only of those
The stars, they say, cannot dispose,§
No more than can the astrologians :
There they say right, and like true Jrojans. 620
* Mercury was supposed by the poets to be the patron, or god
of thieves.
t This Mlludes to a well-known story told in Henry Slrplien's
apulofiy Cor lierodolus. A phy-icin iMvint' |)re;crilied for a
countryiiiun, eavc hiiii the pitper on which lie liiul wriiton, and
told hiiii, he niu<t lie snrc to tike that, nifanin;: tin; potion he
h:i(l therein ordcreil. The L-ouiitryiii-in, inisund('rst:uidiji<,' the
doctor, wrapt up tlie paper like a bolus, swallowed it, and was
cured.
I When any one came to an astrologer tn liavc his cliild's
nativity cast, and had lor<;oUen the precise time of its birth, the
tijiurc-caster took the position of the heavens at the minute the
question was asked.
Mr. Butler, in his character of an hermetic philosopher, (see
Genuine Ueniains, vol. ii. p. '24],) says, " learned astrologers ob-
" servin;: the impossibility n{ knowinij the e.vact moment of any
" man's birlh, ilo use very prudently to cast the nativity of the
" question, (like him that swallowed the doctor's bill instead of
" the medicine,) and find the answer as certain and infallible, as
"if they had known the very instant in which the native, as
" they call hiui, crept into the world."
5 Sapiens dnminahitnr aslris, was an old proverb anions the
astrolojiers. 15isho|) VVarbin-lon olioerves, tint the obscurity in
these lines arises from the double sense (d' the word dispose ;
when it relates to the stirs, it ^if^mfias influence ; when it relates
to astrologers it si-inities deceive.
66 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
This Ralpho knew, and therefore touk
The other course of which we spoke.*
Thus was th' accomplish'd squire endu'd
Witii gifts and knowledge per'lous shrewd.
Never did trusty squire with knight, 625
Or knight with squire, e'er jump more riglit.
Their arms and equipage did fit.
As well as virtues, parts, and wit :
Their valors, too, were of a rate,
And out they sally'd at the gate. '630
Fi'w miles on horseback had they jogged.
But fortune unto them turn'd dogged ;
For they a sad adventure met.
Of which we now prepare to treat :
But ere we venture to unfold 635
Achievements so resolv'd, and bold,
We should, as learned poets use.
Invoke th' assistance of some muse ;t
However critics count it sillier.
Than jugglers talking t' a familiar : 640
We think 'tis no great matter which ,t
They're all alike, yet we shall pitch
On one that tits our purpose most,
i Whom therefore thus we do accost: —
J Thou that with ale or viler liquors, 645
Didst inspire Withers, Pryn, and Vickars,§
* Ralpho did not take to astrological, but to religious impos-
ture ; the author intimating that wise men were sometimes de-
ceived hy tills.
t r.utler could not omit burlesquing the solemn invocations
uilh which poets Hddress ihcir Muses. In lilie manner .luvenal,
Coins to descrilie IJomitian's great turbot, ludicrously invokes
the assistance nfthe Muses in his Conrth satire.
t Bisliop Warhurton thinks it should be read, They think, that
is the critics.
^ The Rev. Mr. Charles Dunster, the learned and ingenious
iriiislator of" the Frogs of Aristophanes, and the Editor of
IMiilips's Cider, has taken some pains to vindicate the character
of Withers as a poet. I'arty might induce Butler to speak slight-
ingly of him ; hill he seems lo wonder why Swift, and Granger
in his r.iographical History, should hold liiiii up as an object of
conlcmpl. His works are very numerous, and Mr. Granger says,
his Eclogues are esteemed tiic best ; but Mr. Dunster gives a
i'ew lines from his Britain's Remendirancer, a poem in eight
Cantos, written upon occasion of the plague, which raged in
London in the year 102o, which bear some resendilancc to east-
ern poelry: two pieces of his, by no means contemptible, are
published among the old English ballads, and e,\tracts chiefly
lyrical, from his Juvenilia, were printed in 1785, for J. Jewell
Cornhill.
George Withers died lCiJ7, aged 70.— For a further account oi
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 67
And force tiieni, though it were in spite
Of Nature, and their stars, to write ;
Who, as we find in sullen writs,*
And cross-grain'd works of modem wits, 650
With vanity, opinion, want,
The wonder of the ignorant,
Tlie praises of the author, penn'd
By himself, or wit-insuring friend ;t
The itch of picture in the front, t C55
With bays, and wicked rhyme upou't,
him, see Rennet's Register and Chronicle, page 648: He is men-
tioned in Hudibras, Part ii. Canto iii. 1. 1G9.
The extract from his Britain's Remembrancer here follows,
which, Mr. Diuister says, may perhaps challenge " comparison
" with any instance of the dcoi ut^o firixavfii in ancient or mod-
" em poetry."
it prov'd
A cr^-ing sin, and so extremely mov'd
God's gentleness, that angry he became :
His brows were bended, and his eyes did flame
Methought I saw it so ; and though I were
Afraid within his presence to appear.
My soul was rais'd above her common station,
Where, what ensues, I view'd by contemplation.
There is a spacious round, which bravely rears
Her arch above the top of all the spheres,
Until her bright circumference doth rise,
Above the reach of man's, or angels' eyes,
Conveying, through the bodies chrystalline.
Those rays which on our lower globes do shine ;
And all the great and lesser orbs do lie
Within the compass of their canopy.
In this large room of slate is tix'd a throne,
From whence the wise Creator looks upon
His workmanship, and thence doth hear and see
All sounds, all places, and all things that be :
Here sat the king of gods, and from about
His eye-lids so much terror sparkled out.
That every circle of the heavens it shook.
And all the world did trenjble at his look
The prospect of the sky, that erst was clear,
Did with a low'ring countenance appear;
The troubled air before his presence tied,
The earth into her bosom shrunk her head ;
The deeps did roar, the heights did stand amaz'd
The moon and stars upon each other gaz'd ;
The sun did stand unmoved in his path.
The host of heaven was frighted at his wrath ;
And with a voice, which made all nature quake,
To this effect the great Eternal spake. Canto i. p. 17.
* That is, ill-natured satirical writings.
t He very inceniously ridicules the vanity of authors who
prefix commendatory verses to their works.
X Milton, who had a high opinion of his own person, is said
to have been angry with the painter or engraver for want of
68 HUDIBRAS. [Part'i
All that is left o' th' forked hill*
I To make men scribble without skill ;
Canst make a poet, spite of fate,
And teach all people to translate ; ^660
Though out of languages, in which
They understand no part of speech ;
Assist me but this once, I 'mplore,
And I shall trouble thee no more.
In western clime there is a town,t 665
To those that dwell therein well known.
Therefore there needs no more be said here,
We unto them refer our reader ;
For brevity is very good.
When w' are, or are not understood.! 670
To this town people did repair
On days of market, or of fair.
And to crack'd fiddle, and hoarse tabor,
In merriment did drudge and labor;
But now a sport more formidable 675
Had rak'd together village rabble :
'Twas an old way of recreating.
Which learned butchers call bear-baiting ;
A bold advent'rous exercise,
With ancient heroes in high prize ; 680
For authors do affirm it came
From Isthmian or Nemean game ;
Others derive it from the bear
That's tix'd in northern hemisphere,
likeness, or perhaps for want of grace, in a print of himself pre-
fixed to his juvenile poems. He expressed his displeasure in
four iambics, which have, indeed, no great merit, and lie opeii
to severe criticism, particularly on the word Svc/iinnfa-
'A/ia0a Ycyi'>d<p6ac xtipt TijuSe fiiv ciKova
Tdv i5' iKTVKUTvv ovK tinyvdi'Tti, ^i\oL,
TtkaTt (pauXov bvaixijxrijia ^wypd^ou.
* That is, Parnassus
Nee fontc labra prolui caballino :
Nee in bicipiti somniasse Parnasso
Meniini, ut rcpente sic poeta prodirem.
Pcrsii Sat. Prol.
t He probably means Brentford, about eight miles west of
London. !^ce Part ii. Canto iii. v. 990.
t If we are urdorstond, more words are unnecessary ; if we
are not likely to be understood, thr-y are useless. Charles II.
answered the Earl of Manchester with these lines, only chang-
ing very for ever, when he was making a long speech in favor
of the dissenters.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 69
And round about the poles does make 685
A circle, like a bear at stake,
That at the chain's end wheels about,
And overturns the rabble-rout :
For after solemn proclamation,*
In the bear's name, as is the fashion, 690
According to the law of arms,
To keep men from inglorious harms,
That none presume to come so near
As forty feet of stake of bear ;
If any yet be so fool-hardy, 695
T' expose themselves to vain jeopardy,
If they come wounded off and lame,
No honor's got bj' such a maim,
Altho" the bear gain much, b'ing bound
In honour to make good his ground, 700
When he's engag'd, and take no notice,
If any press upon him, who 'tis.
But lets them know, at their own cost,
That he intends to keep his post.
This to prevent, and other harms, 705
Which always wait on feats of arms.
For in the hurry of a fray
'Tis hard to keep out of harm s way.
Thither the Knight his course did steer,
To keep the peace 'twixt dog and bear, 710
As he believ'd he was bound to do
lu conscience, and commission too ;t
And therefore thus bespoke the Squire: —
We that are wisely mounted higher
Than constables in curule wit, 715
When on tribunal bench we sit,t
* The prDcliunalion here mentioned, \v:is u'iuully niarle at
bear or liiiU-liaitliig. See Plot's t^tatibril-*hire, 4:!y. Solemn
proclaniatiim made liy the steward, that all manner of persons
give way to the hull, or hear, none being to come near him by
forty feet.
t The Presbyterians and Independents were great enemies to
those sports with which the country people amused themselves.
Mr. Huiiie, in the last volume oi' his History of England, (Man-
ners of the Commonwealth, chap. iii. anno 1600, page 119,) says,
" All recreations were in a manner suspended, by the rigid
"severity of the Presbyterians and Indc|icndenls : even bear-
" baiting was estecmerl heathenisli and unchristian: the sport
"of it, not the inhumanity, gave otfence. Colonel llewson,
" from his pious zeal, marched with his regiment into London,
"and destroyed all the bears which were there kept for the
" diversion of the citizens. This adventure seems to have given
" birth to the fiction of Hudibras."
t We that are in high office, and sit on the bench by commis-
70 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Like speculators, should foresee,
From Pharos of authority,
Portended mischiefs farther than
Low proletarian tything-men :* 720
And therefore being inform'd by bruit,
That dog and bear are to dispute,
For so of late men fighting name,
Because they often prove the same ;
For where the first does hap to be, 725
The last does eoincidere.
Quantum in nobis, have thought good
To save th' expence of Christian blood,
And tiy if we, by mediation
Of treaty and accommodation, 730
Can end the quarrel, and compose
The bloody duel witiiout blows.
Are not our liberties, our lives.
The laws, religion, and our wives,
Enough at once to lie at stake 735
For cov'nant, and the cause's sake?t
But in that quarrel dogs and bears,
jAs well as we, must venture theirs?
I This feud by Jesuits invented, t
By evil counsel is fomented ; 740
Tnere is a i\Iachiavilian plot,
Tho' ev'ry nare olfact it not,§
sion as justices of the peace.— Some of the chief magistrates in
Rome, as ajdile, censor, priBtor, and consul, were said to hold
curule offices, from the chair of stale or chariot tliey rode in,
called sella curulis.
* Proletarii were the h)west class of people among the Ro-
mans, who had no property, so called a munere officioque prolis
edenda;, as if the only good tlicy did to the state were- in beget-
ting children. Tything-man, that is, a kind of inferior or deputy
constable.
T Covenant means the solemn league and covenant drawn up
by the Scotch, and subscribed by many of the sectaries in
England, who were fond of calling their party The Ccune, or
the greatest cause in the world. They professed they would
not forsake it for all the parliaments upon earth. One of their
writers says, "Will not the abjurers of the covenant, of all
"others, be the chief of sinners, whilst they become guilty of no
"less sin, than the very sin against the Holy Ghost "!"
i As Don tiuixote was dreaming of chivalry and romances,
so it was the great object of our knight to e.xtirpale popery and
independency in religion, and to reform and settle the state.
§ The knight, in this spei^ch, employs more Latin, and more
uncouth phrases, than he usually does. In this line he means—
though every nose do not smell' it. The character of his lan-
guage was given before in the ninety-tirst, and some following
lines.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 71
And deep design in't to divide
The well- affected that confide,
By setting brother against brother, 745
To claw and curry one another.
Have we not enemies plus satis,
That cane et angue pejus* hate us?
And shall we turn our fangs and claws
Upon our own selves, without cause ? 750
That some occult design doth lie
In bloody cynarctomachy,!
Is plain enough to him that knows
How saints lead brothers by the nose.;
I wish myself a pseudo-prophet,! 755
But sure some mischief will come of it,
Unless by providential wit,
Or force, we averruncate§ it.
For what design, what interest.
Can beast liave to encounter beast? 760
They fight for no espoused cause,
Frail privilege, fundamental laws,||
* A proverbial saying, used by Horace, expressive of a bitter
aversion, The punishment for parricide among the Romans
was, to be put into a sacli with a snake, a dog, and an ape, and
thrown into the river.
t Cynarctomachy is compounded of three Greek words, signi-
fying a figlit between dogs and bears. The perfect Diurnal of
some passages of Parliament from July 24 to July 31, 1043, No.
4, gives an account how the Queen brought from Holland "be-
sides a company of savage ruffians a ccjmpany of savage bears ;"
Colonel Cromwell finding the people of Uppingham, in Rutland-
shire, baiting them on the Lord's day, and in the height of their
sport, caused the bears to be seized, tied to a tree, and shot.
We tax'd you round — sixpence the pound,
And massacred your bears Loyal Songs.
X That is, a false prophet.
^ Jliu'.rruncate, means no more than eradicate, or pluck up.
II The following lines recite the grounds on which the parlia-
ment began the war against the king, and justified their pro-
ceedings afterwards. He calls the privileges of parliament frail,
bec.iu-e they were so very apt to coinplain of their being broken
Whatever the king did, or refused to do, contrary to the senti
inenls, and unsuitable to the designs of parliament, they voted
prescMlly a breMch of their privilege; his dissenting to any of
the hilN they oli'ered him was a breach of privilege : his pro-
cl lim ng them traitors, who were in arms against him, was a high
br.ai'h of their nrivilege: and the commons at last voted it a
brei ch of privilr-ge f .r the house of lords to refuse assent to any
thin:; thit came from the lower house.
Uotli llic English nnd the Scotch, from the beginning of the
war, avouclied th:it their whole proceedings were according to
the fiindaniental laws: by which they meant not any statutes
or laws in being, but llieir own sense of the constitution. Thus,
after the king's death, the Dutch ambassadors were told, thai
72 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Nor for a thorough reformation,
Nor covenant, nor protestation,*
Nor liberty of cousciences,t 765
Nor lords' and commons' ordinances ;|
Nor for the church, nor for churcii-lands,
To get them in their own no hands ;§
Nor evil counsellers to bring
To justice, that seduce the King ; 770
Nor for the worship of us men,
Tlio' we have done as much for them.
Th' Egyptians wovshipp'd dogs, and for
Their faith made fierce and zealous war.||
Others ador'd a rat, and some 775
For that church sufFer'd martyrdom.
The Indians fought for the truth
Of th' elephant and monkey's tooth ;1f
And many, to defend that faith,
j Fought it out mordicus to death ;** 780
j '. But no beast ever was so slight,tt
For man, as for his god to fight.
They have more wit, alas ! and know
Themselves and us better than so :
But we who only do infuse 785
The rage in them like boute-feus,lt
what the parliament had done against the king was according
to the fundamental laws of this nation which were best known
to themselves.
* The protestation was a solemn vow or resolution entered
into, and subscribed, the first year of the lung parliament.
t Tlie early editions have it free, liberty of consciences : and
this readins; Bishop Warburton approves : '• free liberty" being,
as he thinks, a satirical periphrasis for licentiousness, which is
what the author here hints at.
t An ordinance (says Cleveland, p. 109) is a law still-horn,
dropt before quickened by the royal assent. 'Tis one of the
I)arliameni's by-blows, acts only being legilimale, and h:Uli no
more fire than a f^panish gennel, that is begotten by the wind.
$ Suppose we read. 'l"o get them into their own hands. [Mr.
Nash is wrong — nn linnds here means paics.]
II See the beginning of the fiftconlh satire of Juvenal.
if The inhabitants of Ceylon and Siam are said to have had
in tlieir temples, as olyects of worship, the teeth of monkeys and
of elephants. The Portuguese, out of zeal tor the Cliristian
religion, destroyed these idols ; and the Siamese are said to have
offered 700,000 ducats to redeem a monkey's tooth which they
had long worshipped. Le Blanc's Travels, and Herbert's Trav-
els. Martinus Scriblerus, of the Origin of Sciences, Swift's
works.
** Mordicus, valiantly, tooth and nail.
tt 'I'hat is, so weak, so silly.
tt Makers of mischief, exciters of sedition
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 73
'Tis our example that instils
In them tiie infection of our ills.
For, as some late philosopiiers
Have well observ'd, beasts that converse 790
With man take after him, as hogs
Get pigs all th' year, and bitches dogs.*
Just so, by our example, cattle
Leani to give one another battle.
We read, in Nero's time, the Heathen, 795
When they destroyed the Christian brethren.
They sew'd them in the skins of bears.
And then set dogs about their ears ;
From whence, no doubt, th' invention came
Of this lewd antichristian game. 800
To this, quoth Ralpho, verily
The point seems very plain to me ;
It is an antichristian game.
Unlawful both in thing and name.
y First, for the name : the word bear-baiting 805
Is carnal, and of man's creating ;
For certainly there's no such word
In all the Scripture on record ;
Tlierefore unlawful, and a sin ;t
* This faculty is not unfrequently instanced by the ancients,
to show the superior excellence of mankind. Xenophon, IMeni.
i. 4, 12. A Roman lady seems to have been of the same opinion.
'• I'opulia, Marci tilia, miranti cuidam quid esset quapropter alife
" bestia: nunquam niarem desiderarent nisi cum praegnantes vel-
" lent fieri, respondit, hestim enim siint^ Macrob. Saturn, lib.
ii. cap. 5. Vide eliam Just. Lipsii. Epist. QuiPSt. lib. v. epist. 3,
et Andream Laurent, lib. viii. Hist. Anatom. QuiEst. 22, ubi
causas adducit cur bruta gravidae marem non admittunt, ut inter
homines mulier.
t Some of the disciplinarians held, that the Scriptures were
full and express on every subject, and that every thing was sin-
ful, which was not there ordered to be done. Some of the Hu-
guenots refused to pay rent to their landlords, unless they would
produce a text of Scripture directing them to do so.
At a meeting of Cartwright, Travers, and other dissenting
ministers in London, it was resolved, that such names as did
savor either of Paganism or Popery should not be used, but only
Scripture names ; accordingly Snape refused to baptize a child
by the name of Richard.
Tliey formed popular arguments for deposing and murdering
kings, from the e.vamples of Saul, Agag, Jeroboam, Jehoran, and
the like.
This reminds me of a story I have heard, and which, perhaps,
is recorded among Joe Miller's Jests, of a countryman going
along the street, in the time of Cromwell, and inquiring the way~
to St. Anne's church — the jierson inquired of, happening to be a
Presbyterian, said, he knew no such person as Saint Anne ; go-
ing a little farther, he asked another man which was the way to
4
74
HUDIBHAS.
\>
\
And so is, secondly, the thing :
A vile assembly 'tis, that can
■ No more be proved by Scripture, than
Provincial, classic, national :*
• Mere human creature-cobwebs all.
Thirdly, It is idolatrous ;
For when men run a-whoring thus
With their inventions,! whatsoe'er
The thing be, whether dog or bear,
It is idolatrous and pagan.
No less than worshipping of Dagon.
> Quoth Hudibras, I smell a rat;
Ralpho thou dost prevaricate ;
For though the thesis which thou lay'st
Be true, ad amussim,t as thou say'st ;
For the bear-baiting should appear.
Jure divino, lawfuller
Than synods are, thou dost deny,
Totidem verbis — so do I ;
Yet there's a fallacy in this ;
For if by sly hom(Eosis,§
Thou wouldst sophistically imply
Both are unlawful^ — I deny.
And I, quoth Ralpho, do not doubt
But bear-baiting may be made out,
In gospel -times, as lawful as is
Provincial, or parochial classis ;
And that both are so near of kin,
[Part i.
810
815
820
835
830
835
Anne's church? he being a cavalier, said, Anne was a Saint
before he was born, and would be after he was hanged, and gave
him no information.
* Ralplio here shows his independent principles, and his aver-
sioL to the Presbyterian forms of church government. If the
squire had adopted the liniaht's sentiments, this curious dispute
could not have been introduced. The vile assembly here means
the bear-baitin:;, but alludes typically to the assembly of divines.
t A Scripture phrase used. Psalm cvi. ver. 38.
t Exactly true, and according to rule.
§That is, an e.xplnnatiun of a thing by something resembling it.
At this place two lines are omitted in several editions, particu-
larly in those corrected by the author. They run thus :
Tussis pro crepitu, an art
Under a cough to slur a f— rt.
The edition of 1T04 has replaced them : they were omitted in
the poet's corrected cope; probably he thought them Indelicate:
the i>lir:ise is translated tVoni the Greek.
IJi)5 '''ri TTopirjs. fTTi Tuii; iv anopiq ■trpoa-noiayLivutv eripov T(
TTprirretv. Tap baov o'l niphovTcq XavQdviiv TTCipiificvot, Trpuairoi-
uvvTai firjrTiiv. Suidas in Voc.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 75
And like in all, as well as sin,
That, put 'em in a bagand shake 'em,
Yourself o' th' sudden would mistake 'em, 840
And not know which is which, unless
You measure by their wickedness ;
For 'tis not hard t' imagine whether
O' th' two is worst, tho' I name neither.
Quoth Hudibras, Thou ofFer'st much, 845
But art not able to keep touch.
Mira de lente,* as 'tis i' the adage,
Id est, to make a leek a cabbage ;
Thou canst at best but overstrain i v/
A paradox, and th' own hot brain ; 850
For what can synods have at all
With bear that's analogical?
Or what relation has debating
Of church-affairs with bear-baiting?
A just comparison still is 855
Of things ejusdem generis ;
And then what genus rightly doth
Include and comprehend them both?
If animal, both of us may
As justly pass for bears as they ; 860
For we are animals no less,
Although of difF'rent specieses.t
But, Ralpho, this is no fit place.
Nor time, to argue out the case :
For now the field is not far off, 865
Where we must give the world a proof
Of deeds, juit words, and such as suit
Another'manner of dispute :
A controversy that affords
Actions for arguments, not words ; 870
Wiiich we must manage at a rate
Of prowess, and conduct adequate
To what our place and fame doth promise,
And all the godly expect from us.
Nor shall they be deceiv'd, unless 875
* A£ii'a -Ktfii (paKqs : A great stir aliout nothing.
Great cry Hiid iiule wiiol, as they say when any one talks
much, and proves nothirj;. The following lines stand thus, in
some editions, viz. :
Thou wilt at best hut suck a bull.
Or sheer swine, all cry, and no wool.
f Why should we not read. Although of different species 1
So also in Part ii. Canto iii. v. 317. v
76 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
W are slurred and outed by success ;
Success, the mark no mortal wit,
Or surest liand can always hit :
For whatsoe'er we perpetrate, /
We do but row, w' are .steer jij}y_iate,* ' 880
Which in success oft disinherits,
For spurious causes, noblest merits.
Great actions are not always true sons
Ol great and iniglity resolutions ;
Nor do the boid'st attempts bring forth 885
Events still equal to their worth ;
But sometimes fail, and in their stead
Fortune and cowardice succeed.
Yet we have no great cause to doubt.
Our actions still have borne us out ; 890
Which, tlio' tliey're known to be so ample.
We need not copy from example ;
We're not the only persons durst
Attempt this province, nor the first.
In northern clime a val'rous knightt 895
Did whilom kill his bear in fight,
And wound a fiddler : we have both
Of these the objects of our wroth.
And equal fame and glory from
Til' attempt, or victory to come. 900
'Tis sung, there is a valiant Mamaluke
In foreign land, yclep'd :t„, -
* The Preshyterians were stronir fatalists, and great advocates
for predestination. Virgil says, ^Eii. i.v. 1. 95:
O genelrix 1 quo fata vocas ? aut quid petis istis ?
Mortaline iiianu factiE inimortale carinas
Fas ha lean f?
t Hndibras encourages himself by two precedents; first, that
of a gentleman who i<illed a bear and wounded a fiddler; and
secondly, that of !?ir Samuel Luke, who had often, as a magis-
trate, been engaged in similar adventures. He was proud to re-
seml)le the one in this particular exploit, and the other in his
general character.
There were several, in those days, who, like Sir Hndibras, set
themselves violently to oppose bear-baiting. Oliver Cromwell
is said to have shot several bears; and the same is said of
Colonel Pride. See note ante, ver.752, and Harleian Miscellany,
vol. iii. p. 132.
i The break is commonly filled up with the name of Sir Sam-
uel Luke. See the note at line 14. The word Mamluck signifies
acquired, possessed : and the IMamlukes or Mamalukes were
persons carried off, in their childhood, by merchants or banditti,
from Georgia, Circassia, Natolia. and the various provinces of
the Ottoman empire, and afterw:irds sold in Constantinople and
Grand (Tairo. The grandees of Egypt, who had a siuiilar ori-
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 77
To whom we have been oft compar'd
For person, parts, address, and beard ;
Both equally reputed stout, 905
And in the same cause both have fought :
He oft, in such attempts as these,
Came off with glory and success :
Nor will we fail in th' execution,
For want of equal resolution. 910
f Honor is, like a widow, won
With brisk attempt and putting on ; /
With ent'ring manfully and urging ; ^
Not slow approaches, like a virgin.
This said, as once the Piirygian knight,* 915
So ours, with rusty steel did smite
His Trojan horse, and just as much
He mended pace upon the touch ;
But from his empty stomach groan'd,
Just as that hollow beast did sound. 920
And, angry, answer'd from behind.
With brandish'd tail and blast of wind.
So have I seen, with armed heel,
A wight bestride a Common-weal,t
While still the more he kick'd and spurr'd, 925
The less the sullen jade has stirred.t
gin, bring them up in their houses. They often rise first to be
cachets or lieutenants, and then to be beys or petty tyrants.
Volney's Travels. Thus, in the English civil wars, many rose
from the lowest rank in life to considerable power.
* Ijsocoon ; who, at llie siege of Troy, struck the wooden <
horse with his spear-
Sic fatus, validis ingentem viribus hastani
In latus inque feri curvani compMgibus alvuni
Contorsit : sietitilla tremens, uteroque recusso
Insonuere cava; gemitumque dedere caverna?.
Virg. JEiieid. ii. 50.
t Our poet might possibly have in mind a print engraven in
Holland. It represented a cow, the emlileni of the Coiiunon-
vvealth, with the king of Spain on her b u-k kicking and simrriiig
her; the queen of England before, stopping and feeding her;
the prince of Orange milking her; and the duke of .Vnjou liehind
pulling her back by the tail. Heylin's Cosmog. .After Ihe
Spaniards, in a war of forty years, had spent a hundred millions
of crowns, and had lost four hundred ihous.ind men. they were
forced to acknowied^'e the independence of llie Dutch provinces,
and conclude a peace with them : yet, strange to tell, another
nation did not grow wise by this e.vample.
X Mr. Butler had been witness to the refractory humor of the
nation, not only under the weak government of Richard Croin
well, but in many instances under the more adroit and resolute
managenieut of Oliver. Both father and sou have been com-
78 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
pared to the riders of a restive horse by some loyal songsters
the following lines probably allude to Oliver:—
Nol, a rank rider, got fast in the saddle,
And made her shew tricks, and curvet and rebound:
She quickly perceived he rode widdle waddle,
And like his* coach-horse threw his highness to ground
Then Dick, being lame, rode holding the pummel,
Not having the wit to get hold of the rein :
But the jade did so snort at the sight of a Cromwell,
That poor Dick and his kindred turned footmen again.
See the Collection of Loyal Songs, reprinted 1731, vol. ii. p. 281.
• This alludes to an accident that befell the Protec" Sept. 29, who must
needs drive his coach himscll': the horses ran away, anu ibrew him amongst
*Jiem. whereby he was Id ^reat danfijer
- PART I. CANTO II.
THE ARGUMENT.
The catalogue and character
Of th' enemies' best men of war,*
Whom, in a bold harangue, the Knight
Defies, and challenges to fight :
H" encounters Talgol, routs the Bear,
And takes the Fiddler prisoner,
Conveys him to enchanted castle,
There shuts him fast in wooden Bastile.
* Butler's description of the combatants resembles the list of
warriors in the Iliail anil ^Eneid, and especially the labnrec
characters in the Theban war, both in ^schvUis and Euripides
Septem ad Thebas v. 383 ; Icetid. v. 3Gi ; Phoenis. v. 1139
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO II.
There was an ancient sage philosophei
That had read Alexander Ross over,*
And swore the world, as he could prove,
Was made of fighting, and of love.
Just so romances are, for what else
Is in them all but love and battles ?t
* Empedncles, a Pythagorean philosopher and pnet, hold, that
friendship :ind discord were principles which regulated the four
elements that compose the universe. The first occasioned their
coalition, the second their sepiration, or, in the poet's own
words, (preserved in Diogen. L;iert. edit. Meibnm. vol. i. p. 538,)
"AWotc fiiv (Pi\6t>)ti (TtivrpX'i/-'!:!'' £if sV uirnvTa,
"AXXort 5' ai iix iKaara ipopiiytzva vdKtOi sx^^'-
See more in Mer. Casaiihon's note on the passage.
The great anachronism increases the humour. Empedocles,
the philosopher here alluded to, lived about 2100 years before
Alexander Ross.
" -AgrigeDtinum quidem, dnctum quend^m virum, cirniinlbus
" gra-cis vaticinatum fernnt: qua- in rerum naturi, toto(iMP niun-
'■ do constarent, quicqiie nioverentur, ea contrahere aniicitiam,
" dissipare discordiani." Cicero de Amicitia.
The Spectator, No. CO, says, he has heard these lines of Hudi-
bras more frequently quoted than the finest pieces of wit in the
whole poem : — the jingle of the double rhime has something in
it that tickles the e;ir. Alexander Ross was a very voluminous
writer, .ind chaplain to Charles the First; but most of his books
were written in the reign of James the First. He answered Sir
Thomas Urown's Pseudo.xia and Religio Medici, under the title
of Medicus iMeditatus.
t Mr. Butler, in his MS. Common-place Book, says,
Love and fighting is the sum
Of all romances, from Tom Thumb
To Arthur, Gondibert, and Hudibras.
Of lovers, the poet in his MS. .says,
Lovers, like wrestlers, when they do not lay
Their hold below the girdle, use f lir play.
He adds in prose — Altliongh Love is said to overcome all
things, yet at long-run, there is nothing almost that does not
overcome Love ; whereby it seems, Love does not know how to
use its victory.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 81
O' th' firfst of these w' have no great matter
To treat of, but a world o' th' latter,
In which to do the injur'd right,
We mean in what concerns just fight. ]0
Certes, our Authors are to blame,
For to make some well-sounding name*
A pattern fit for modern knights
To copy out in frays and fights,
Like those that do a whole street raze,t 15
To build another in the place ;
They never care how many others
They kill, without regard of mothers,1:
Or wives, or children, so they can
Make up some fierce, dead-doing mau,§ 20
Compos'd of many ingredient valours,
Just like the manhood of nine tailors :
So a wild Tartar.ll when he spies
A man that's handsome, valiant, wise,
If he can kill him, thinks t' inherit 25
Hisvwit, his beauty, and his spirit;-
As if just so much he enjoy'd,
As in another is destroy 'd:
For when a giant's slain in fight.
And mow'd o'erthwart, or cleft dowm-ight, 30
It is a heavy case, no doubt,
A man should have his brains beat out.
Because he's tall, and has large bones,
As men kill beavers for their stones.TT
* r'XavKdv T£, MiiovTu tc, Qcpai\ox6v t£.— Homer. 17. 216.
Copied exactly by Virgil. JE.n. vi. 483.
GlHueiimque, Medontaque, Thersiloclmiiuiue.
This is imitated in all tlie romances of our author's time,
t Alluding to the Protector Somerset, who, in the reign of Ed-
ward VI., pulled down two churches, part of St. Paul's, and
three bishop's houses, to build Somerset House in the Strand.
\ bellaque niatribus
Detestata Hor. b. i. od. i.
, Thus Beaumont and Fletcher—" Stay thy dead-doing hand."
In Carazan, a province to the north-east of Tartary, Dr.
Heylin says, " they have an use, when any stranger comes into
"their houses of an handsome shape, to kill him in the night;
" not out of desire of spoil, or to cat his body ; but that the soul
" of such a comely person might remain among them."
IT That beavers bite ofl' their testicles is a vulgar error: but
what is here implied is true enough, namely, that the testes, or
their capsula;, furnish a medicinal drug of value.
imitatus castora qui se
Eunuchuin ipse tacit, cupiens evadere damno
Testiculoruni ; adeo nicdicatum intelligit inguen.
Juvenal. Sat. xii. I. 34
4*
82 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
But, as for our part, we shall tell 35
The naked truth of what befell,
And as an equal friend to both
The Kuight and Bear, but more to troth ;*
With neither faction shall take part,
But give to each a due desert, 40
And never coin a formal lie on't.
To make the Knight o'ercome the giant
This b'ing profest, we've hopes enough,
And now go on where wo left off.
Thty rode, but authors having not 45
Deterniin'd whether pace or trot.
That is to say, whether tollutation, '
As they do term't, or succussation,t
We leave it, and go on, as now
Suppose they did, no matter how ; 50
Yet some, from subtle hints, have got
Mysterious light it was a trot :
But let that pass ; they now begun
To spur their living engines on:
For as whipp'd tops and bandy'd balls, 35
The learned hold, are animals jt
So horses they affirm to be
Mere engines made by geometry,
And were invented first from engines,
As Indian Britaius were from Peuguins.§ GO
* " Amicus Socrates, amicus Pinto, sed magis arnica Veritas."
t Tollntation is pacing, or auiblin:;, iiiovinfr per latera. as Sir
Thomas Brown says, that is, lit'linf; both legs of one siile togeth-
er— Succussatjon, or trotting, that is, lifting one foot before, and
the cross foot liehinii.
} The atomic philosophers, Democritus, Epicurus, &c., and
some of the moderns likewise, as Des Cartes, [lobbes, and oth-
ers, will not allow animals to have a spontaneous and living
])rinciple in them, but maintain that life and sensation are gen-
erate d out of matter, from the contexture of atoms, or some pe-
culiar composition of magnitudes, figures, sites, and motions,
and consequently that they are nothing but local motion and
mechanism. By which argument top!* and balls, whilst they
are in motion, seem to be as nuich animated as dogs and horses.
Mr. Boyle, in his Experiments, printed in IG.W, observes how
like animals (men excepted) are to mechanical instruments.
§ This is meant to burlesque the idea of Mr. Selden, and oth-
ers, that America had formerly been discovered by the Britons
or Welsh ; which they had inferred from the similarity of some
words in the two languages ; Penguin, the name of a bird, with
a white head in America, in British signifies a white rock. Mr.
Selden, in his note on Drayton's Polyolbion, says, that Madoc,
brother to David ap Owen, prince of Wales, made a sea voyage
to Florida, about the year 1170.
David Powell, in his history of Wales, reporteth that one Ma-
y
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 83
So let them be, and, as I was saying.
They their live engines ply'd,* not staying
Until they reach'd the fatal champaign
Which th' enemy did then encamp on ;
The dire Piiarsalian plain,t where battle 6S
Was to be wag'd 'twixt puissant cattle,
And fierce auxiliary men.
That came to aid their brethren ;t
Who now began to take the field.
As knight from ridge of steed beheld. 70
For, as our modern wits behold,
Mounted a pick-back on the old,§
Much farther off, much farther he
Rais'd on his aged beast, could see ;
Yet not sufficient to descry 75
All postures of the enemy :
Wherefore he bids the squire ride further,
T' observe their numbers, and their order ;
That when their motions they had known.
He might know how to fit his own. 80
Meanwhile he stopp'd his willing steed,
To fit himself for martial deed :
Both kinds of metal he prepar'd
Either to give blows, or to ward ;
doc, son of Owen Gwinedsh, prince of Wales, some hundred
years before Colunihiis discovered the West Indies, sailed into
those parts and planted a colony. The simile runs thus; horses
are said to be invented from engines, and things without sense
and reason, as Welshmen are said to have sailed to the Indies ;
both upon the like grounds, and with as much probability.
My worthy and ingenious friend Mr. Pennant, though zealous
for the honor of his native country, yet cannot allow his coun-
trymen the merit of having sailed to America before the time of
Columbus : the proper name of these binls, saith he, (Philosoph.
Transactions, vol. Iviii. p. 90,) is I'inguin, propter pinguedinern,
on account of their fatness : it has been corrupteil to Penguen
so that some have imagined it a Welsh word, signifying a white
head : besides, the two species of birds that frequent America
under that name, have black heads, not white ones.
Our poet rejoices in an opportunity of laughing at his old
friend Selden, and ridiculing some of his eccentric n(>tions.
* That is, Hiidibras and his Squire spurred their horses.
t Alluding to Pharsalia, where Julius Caesar gained his signa.
victory.
X The last word is lengthened into bretheren, for metre sake.
5i Ridiculing the disputes formerly subsisting between the ad-
vocates for ancient and modern learning. Sir William Temple
observes : that as to knowledge, the moderns must have more
than the ancients, because they have the advantage both of
theirs and their own : which is commonly illustrated by a dwarf
standing upon a giant's shoulders, and therefore seeing more
and further than the giant.
84 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
Couracre and steel, both of great force, 85
Prepar'd for better, or for worse.
His death-cliarg'd pi&tols be did fit well,
Drawn out i'rom life-prcsei-ving vittle ;*
These being prim'd with force he labor'd
To free's blade from retentive scabbard ; 90
And after many a painful pluck.
From rusty durance be bail'd tuck :
Then shook himself, to see what prowess
In scabbard of bis arms sat loose ;
And, rais'd upon his desp'rate foot, 95
On stirrup-sido he gaz'd about,t
Portending blood, like blazing star.
The beacon of approacliing war4
The Squire advanc'd with greater speed
Than could b' expected from his steed ;§ 10.0
But far more in returning made ;
For now the foe he had survey'd,
Rang'd, as to him they did appear,
With van, main battle, wings, and rear.
I' th' head of all this warlike rabble, 105
- Crowdero niarch'd expert and able.||
Instead of trumpet, and of drum.
That makes the warrior's stomach come.
Whose noise whets valor sharp, like beer
By thunder turn'd to vinegar ; 110
For if a trumpet sound, or drum beat.
Who has not a month's mind to combat ?
* The reader will remember how the holsters were furnisheil.
The .intilhesis between death-charged pistols, and life-preserv-
ing vittle is a kind of fisiire much used by Shakspenre, and the
poets before Mr. Butler's time ; very frequently by Butler him
self.
t It appears from c. i. v. 407, that he had but one stirrup.
% Diri conieta?, quidnl ? quia crudelia atque immania, famem
bella, clades, la'dus, morbos, evcrsiones urbium, rcgionum vastl
tates, hominum interitus portcndere creduntur.
5 In some editions we read,
Ralpho rode on with no less speed,
Than Hugo in the forest did.
Huiio was aid-dc-camp to Gondibert. B. I. c. ii. St. CG.
II This is stiid, by Sir Rofter L'Estrange, to be designed for one
Jackson, a milliner, who lived in the New Exchange in the
Strand. He had lost a lep in the Parliament's service, and went
about ficbllinir from one ale-house to another: but Butler does
not point Ills siitire at «uch biw fiiinic. His nickname is taken
from the instrument he used: Crovvdc, fiddle, crv%th, fidicula, in
the British language.
Canto ii.j HUDIBRAS. 85
A squeaking engine lie apply'd
Unto his neck, on north-east side,*
Just where tlie hangman does dispose, 115
To special friends, the fatal noose :
For 'tis great grace, when statesmen straight
Dispatch a friend, let others wait.
His warped ear hung o'er the strings.
Which was but souse to chitterlings :t 120
For guts, some write, ere they are sodden.
Are tit for music, or for pudden ;
From whence men borrow ev'ry kind
Of minstrelsy, by string or wind.
His grisly beard was long and thick, 125
With which he strung his fiddle-stick ;
For he to horse-tail scorn'd to owe
For what on his own chin did grow.
Chiron, the four-legg'd bard, had both
A beard and tail of his own growth ; 130
And yet by authors 'tis averr'd.
He made use only of his beard.
In Staffordshire, where virtuous worth!
Does raise the minstrelsy, not birth :
* It is difficult to say why Butler calls the left the north-east
side. A friend of Dr. Gray's supposes it to allude to the manner
(if liurying ; the ftfet being put to the east, the left side would
be to tiie north, or north-east, t'onie authors have asserted, and
Euseb. Nuremberg, a learned Jesuit, in particular, that the body
of man is magnetical ; and being placed in a bo^t, a very small
one we nuist suppose, of cork or leather, will nei'er rest till the
head respecteth the north. Paracelsus had also a microcosmic:il
conceit about the body of a man, dividing and diti'erencing it ac-
cording t<i the cardinal points; making the f:tcc the east, the
back the west, &c., of this microcosm : and therefore, working
upon human ordure, and by long preparation rendering it odorif-
erous, he terms it Zibetta occidentalis. Now in either of these
positions, the body lying along on its back with its head towards
the north, or standing upright with the face towards the east,
the reader vill find the place of the fiddle on the left breast to be
due north-east. One, or both of these conceits, it is probable,
our poet had in view ; and very likely met with them, as I have
done, in a book entitled Brown's Vulgar Errors, b. ii. ch. 3.
Ovid, dividing tlie world into two hemispheres, calls one the
right hand, and the other the left. The augurs of old, in theit
divinations, and priests in their sacrifices, turned their faces to-
wards the east; in which posture the north, being the left hand,
agrees exactly with the position in which Crowdero would hold
his fiddle.
t Souse is the pig's ear, and chitterlings are the pig's puts:
the former alludes to Crowdero'sear, which lay upon the fiddle;
the latter to the strings iil'the fiddle, which are made of catgut.
I This alludes to the custom of bull-running in the manor of
Tiuibury in KtafTordshire, where a charter is granted by John of
86
HUDIBRAS.
[Part i
Wliere bulls do chooso the boldest king,
And ruler oVr tlie men of string,
As once in Persia,* 'tis said.
Kings were prociaim'd by a horse that neigh'd ;
He, bravely vent'ring at a crown,
By chance of war was beaten down.
And wounded sore : liis leg then broke,
Had got a deputy of oak ;
For when a shin in fight is cropt.
The knee with one of timber's propt,
Estecm'd more honorable than the other.
And takes place, tho' the younger brother.t
Next march'd brave Orsin,t famous for
Wise conduct, and success in war ;
A skilful leader, stout, severe.
Now marshal to the champion bear.
With truncheon tipp'd with iron head.
The warrior to the lists he led ;
With solemn march, and stately pace,
But far more grave and solemn face ;
Grave as the emperor of Pegu,
Or Spanish potentate, Don Diego.§
This leader was of knowledge great,
Either for charge, or for retreat :
133
140
14?
150
155
Gaunt, king of Castile and Leon, and diike of Lancaster, (and
confirmed by inspexinms and sjrant of Henry VL,) dated 22d of
Au<;usl, in tlie touith year of the reif;n of our most gracious
(most sweet, tre-i dulce) king Ricliard II., (A. D. 1380,) appoint-
ing a king of the minstrels or musicians, (sive histriones,) who
is to have a bu.l for his properly, which shall be turned out by
the prior of Tudbury, if his minstrels, or any one of them, could
cut olfa piece of his skin before he runs into Derbyshire ; but if
the bull gets into that county sound and unhurt, the prior may
have his bull again. E.xemplitication of Henry VI. is dated
1442.
This custom being productive of much mischief, was, at the
request of the inhabitants, and by order of the duke of Devon-
shire, lord of the manor, discontinued about the year. 1788. See
Blount's Ancient Tenures, and Jocular Customs.
* This relates to a story told by Herodotus, lib. iii., of the seven
princes, who, having destroyed the usurper of the crown of Per
sia, were all of them in competition fiir it: at last they agreed
to meet on horseback at an appointed ))lace, and that he should
be acknowledged sovereign whose horse first neighed : Darius's
groom, by a subtle trick, contrived that his inaster should sue
ceed.
t A person with a wooden leg generally puts that leg first in
walking.
t This character was designed for Joshua Goslin, who kept
bears at Paris gmilen, Southwark, as says Sir Roger L'Estrange
In his Key to Iliidibras.
$ See Purchas's Pilgrims and Lady's Travels into Spain
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 87
Knew when t'engage his bear pell-mell,
And when to bring him off as well, 160
So lawyers, lest tiie bear defendant,
And plaintiff dog, should make an end on't,*
Do stave and tail with writs of error,t
Reverse of judgment, and demurrer.
To let them breathe awhile, and then 165
Cry whoop, and set them on agen.
As Romulus a wolf did rear,
So lie was dry-uurs"d by a bear.j:
That fed him with the purchas'd prey
Of many a fierce and bloody fray ; 170
* Mr- Butler probably took this idea from a book entitled The
princely Pleasure of Kenil worth in Warwickshire, in lo75. »
"Tlie bearos wear l]rouf;ht I'oorth intoo coourl, the dogs set
" too thcni, tn ar<iH the points, eeven face to face; they had
" learned couiinscll also a bi)[h parts;— If the dog in pleadyng
" would pluck the beare by the throte, the beare with travers
" would claw liiui again by the skaip, &c."
t The comparison of a lawyer with a bearward is here kept
up; the one parts his clients, and keeps them at hay by writ of
error and demurrer, as Ihe latter does the dogs and the bear, by
interposing his stafl', (hence stave.) and holding the dogs by the
tails. See the character of a lawyer in Butler's Genuine Re-
mains, vol. ii. p. 11)4. where the severity and bitterness of the
satire, and t!ie verses which follow, may be accounted for by
the poet's having married a widow, whom he thought a great
fortune, but jierhaps, through the iinskilfulness or roguery of the
lawyer, it being placed on bad security, was lost. This he fre-
quently alludes to in his MS. Common-place Book: he says the
lawyer never ends a suit, but prunes it, that it may grow the
faster, and yield a greater increase of strife.
The conquering foe they soon assailed,
First Trulla stav'd, and Ccrdon tailed.
The improvements in modern practice, and the acuteness of
Butler's observation, have been able to add little to the picture
left us by Ammianus Marcellinus of the lawyers of ancient
Rome. See lib. .\.\x. cap. iv. Butler's simile has been transla-
ted into Latin, [by Dr. Harmar, sometime under-master of West-
minster School.]
Sic legnni mystJP; ne forsan pax foret, Ursani
Inter tutantem sese. actorenique niolossuni
Fancibus injiciunt clavos, dentesque refigunt,
Luctantesque canes co,\is, remorisque revellunt:
Errores jurisque moras obtendere certi,
Judiciunique prius revocare ut prorsus iniquum.
Tandem post aliquod breve respiramen utrinque,
Ut pugnas iterent. crebris hortatibus urgent.
Eja ! agite o cives, iterumque in prcslia trudunt.
t That is, maintained by the diversion which this bearalfortled
the rabble. It may allude likewise, as Dr. Grey observes, to the
story of Valentine and Orson, ch. iv., where Orson is suckled by
a bear, as Roiuulus was by a «o!t".
88 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
Bred up, where discipline most rare is,
In military garden Paris;*
For soldiers heretofore did grow
In gardens, just as weeds do now.
Until some splay-foot politicians 175
T' Apollo ofi'er'd up petitions, t
For licensing a new invention
They'ad found out of an antique engin,
To root out all the weeds, that grow ,
In public gardens, at a blow, 180
And leave th' herbs standing. Quoth Sh Sun,t
My friends, that is not to be done.
Not done! quoth Statesmen: Yes, an't please ye,
When 'tis once known you'll say 'tis easy.
Why then let's know it, quoth Apollo: i85
We'll beat a drum, and they'll all follow.
* At Paris garden, in Sniuhwark, near the river side, there was
a play-house, at which Ben Jonsoa is said to have acted the
part nt'Zuliinan: the place was long noted for the entertaininent
of bear-haiting. Tlie custom of resorting thither was censured
by one Crowley, who wrote in the latter time of Henry Vlll. —
Roljert Crowley, I helieve, was a Northamptonshire man, of
Magdalene College, Oxford, about the year loM, and 1j4'2. In
Bod. Lib., see his 31 Epigrams.
At Paris garden, each Sunday, a man shall not fail
To find two or three hundred for the bearward vale,
One haUpenny a piece they use for to give ;
When some have not more in their purses, I believe.
Well, at the last day their conscience will declare.
That the poor ought to have all that they may spare.
If you therefore give to see a bear fight,
Be sure God his curse upon you will light.
These barbarous diversions continued ui fashion till they were
suppressed by the fanatics in the civil wars. Bear-baiting was
forlnd by an act of Parliament, ICh. I., which act was continued
and enforced by several subsequent acts. James the first insti-
tuted a society, which he called of the military garden, for the
training of the soldiers an<l practising feats of anus, and as Paris
was then the chiel place for polite education, some have imag-
ineil this place was from thence called the military garden Pa.ris:
olliers suppose it to be called gardeti Paris from the name of the
owner.
t The whole passage, here a little inverted, is certainly taken
from Boccalini's Advertisement from Parnassus, cent. i. advert.
16, p. 27, ed, 1B56, where the gardeners address Apollo, beseech-
ing him, that, as he had invented drums and trumpets, by
means of which princes cimld enlist and destroy their idle and
dissolute subjects; so he would teach them some more easy and
expeditious method of destroying weeds and no.\ious plants, than
that of removing them with rakes and spades.
t " Sir Sun," is an expression used by Sir Philip Sydney in
Pembroke's Arcadia, book i. p. 70. See likewise Butler's Ro-
siains, vol. ii. p. 248.
Cai^jto II.] HUDIBRAS. 89
A drum ! quoth Phoebus ; Troth, that's true,
A pretty invention, quaint and new :
But tho' of voice and instrument
We are, 'tis true, chief president, lao
We such loud music don't profess,
The devil's master of that office,
Where it must pass ; if 't be a drum,
He'll sign it with Cler. Pari. Dom. Com.*
To him apply yourselves, and he 195
Will soon dispatch you for his fee.
They did so, but it prov'd so ill,
They'ad better let 'em grow there still.t
But to resume what we discoursing
Were on before, that is, stout Orsin ; 200
That which so oft by sundry writers.
Has been apply'd t' almost all fighters.
More justly may b' ascrib'd to this
Than any otlier warrior, viz.
None ever acted both parts bolder, 205
Both of a chieftain and a soldier.! -
He was of great descent and high
For splendor and antiquity,
And from celestial origine,
Deriv'd himself in a right line ; 210
Not as the ancient heroes did,
Who, that their base births might be hid,§
* During the civil wars, the parliament granted patents for new
inventions; these, and all other orders and ordinances, were signed
by their clerk, with this addition to his name — clerk of the par-
liament house of commons. The devil is here represented as
directing and governing the parliament. Monopolies and grant-
ing of patents had occasioned great uneasiness in the reign of
James I., when an act passed, that all patents should regularly
pass before the king and council, upon the report of the attorney-
general.
t The expedient of arming the discontented and unprincipled
multitude, is adventurous, and often proves fatal to the state.
X A satire on common characters given by historians.
5 Ion thus addressed his mother Creusa, when she had told
hiin that he was son of Apollo —
Atwp' cXd'' is oSf yap Toig X6yovs etiruv QiXd),
Kai Trtpi/caXu'i^ai toIctl irpayitaai aKurov.
"Opa ai), ixJjTcp, lifi atpaXcXaa irapOivos,
^Eyyiverat loafiiiaT^ th KpvnTohi ydpovs.
'KtreiTa tu dcCi irpooTi9j)s rfiv ahiav.
Kai Tohpov aZaxP^" arro(pvyM Trtipu/jfi//?,
iol^tf TtKeiv jie (jtni, tekouo-' ovk ik Qtov.
Eiuipides, Ion. 152J»
90 HUDIBRAS. [Part i,
Knowiiijs^ they were of doubtful <render,
And that they came in at a windore,
Made Jupiter himself, and others 215
O' th' gods, gallants to their own mothers,
To get on them a race of champions,
Of which old Homer first made lampoons ;
Arctophylax, in northern sphere,
Was his undoubted ancestor ; 220
' From whom his great forefathers came,
And in all ages bore his name:
Learn'd he was in med'c'nal lore,
For by his side a pouch he wore.
Replete with strange hermetic powder,* 225
That wounds nine miles point-blank woula solder ;t
By skilful chymist, with great cost,
Extracted from a rotten post ;t
But of a heav'nlier influence
Than that which mountebanks dispense ; 230
Tho' by Promethean fire made,§
As they do quack that drive that trade
For as when slovens do amiss
At others' doors, by stool or piss.
The learned write, a red-hot spit 235
B'ing prudently apply'd to it.
Will convey mischief from the dung||
Unto the part that did the wrong ;
So this did healing, and as sure
As that did mischief, this would cure. 240
Thus virtuous Orsin was endu'd
With learning, conduct, fortitude
Incomparable ; and as the prince
Of poets, Homer, sung long since,
* Hormetic, i. e. chymical. from Hermes, Mercury : or perhaps
so called from Hermes Trisinegistus, a famous Egyptian philoso-
pher.
t Moanina to hanter the sympathetic powder, which was to
effect the cure of wounds at a distance. It was much in fashion
in the reign of James the First. See Sir Kenelni Digliy's dis-
course touching the cure of wounds l)y the powder of sym-
pathy, translated from the French by R. White, sent., and
printed 1058 — Point-blank is a term in gunnery, signifying a
horizontal level.
t Useless powders in medicine, are called powders of post.
^ That is. heat of the sun : so in Canto iii. v. 628. Promethean
powder, that is, powder calcined by the sun, for the chief ingre-
dient in sympatlietic powder was calcined by the sun.
II Still ridiculing the sympathetic powder. See the treatise
above-mentioned, where the poet's slory of the spit is seriously
told.
Canto ii.]
HUDIBRAS.
^A skilful leech is better far,
Than half a hunched men of war ;*
So he appear'd, and by his skill,
No less than dint of sword, cou'd kill.
The g-allant Bruin march'd next him,
With visage formidably grim,
And rugged as a Saracen,
Or Turk of Mahomet's own kin,1
Clad in a mantle de la guerre
Of rough impenetrable fur ;
And in his nose, like Indian king,
He wore, for ornament, a ring:
About his neck a threefold gorget.
As rough as trebled leathern target ;
Armed, as heralds cant, and langued,
Or, as the vulgar say, sharp-fanged :t
For as the teeth in beasts of prey
Are swords, with which they fight in fray,
So swords, in men of war, are teeth,
Which they do eat their vittle with.
He was, by birth, some authors write,
A Russian, some a Muscovite,
And 'mong the Cossacks had been bred.
Of whom we in diurnals read,
That serve to fill up pages here.
As with their bodies ditches there.
Scrimansky was his cousin-german,§
With whom he serv'd, and fed on vermin :
91
245
250
255
2G0
265
270
* 'Ij/rpof yap avrip ttoXXwi/ avrd^tos aWiov,
'lou'j t' iKTujji'Ctv i-ai T iJTTia (papptuKa irdcrcetv.
Homer. Iliad, b. xi. 1. 514.
Leech is the old Saxon term for physician, derived from laec,
lac, niunus, reward; Chaucer uses the word leechcraft, to ex-
press the skill of a physician, and at this day we are accu-tomed
to hear of beast leach, cow leech, &c. The glossary annexed
to Gawin Doujilas's Virgil says, Leiche, a physician or surgeon,
Scot. Leech from the A. S. laec, lyce, lack, Isl. laeknare, Goth.
leik, medicus, A. S. laenian, laecinian, sanare, curare : laikinon.
Belg.
t Mr. George Sandys, in his book of Travels, observes, that
the Turks are generally well complexioned, of good stature, and
the women of elegant beauty, except Mahomet's kindred, who
are the most ill-favored people upon earth, branded, perhaps, by
God (says he) for the sin of their seduciiig ancestor.
i Our author here banters the heralds, as he had before ral-
lied the lawyers and physicians.
^ Some tkvorite bear perhaps. Two of the Roman emperors,
Maximilian and Valentinian, gave names to bears, which they
kept for the daily pleasure of seeing them devour their subjects-
The names of the executioners to Valentinian were Mica Au-
92 HUDIBRAS. [Parti.
And, wlien these, fail'd, he'd suck his claws,
And quarter himself upon his paws:*
And tho' liis countrymen, the Huns, 275
Did stew their meat between their bums
And th' horses' backs o'er which they straddle,t
And every man ate up his saddle ;
He was not half so nice as they,
But ate it raw when't came in's way. 280
He had trac'd countries lar and near,
More than Le Blanc the traveller ;
Who writes, he 'spous'd in Iudia,|
Of noble house, a lady gay,
And got on her a race of worthies, 285
As stout as any upon earth is.
Full many a fight for him between§
Talgol and Orsin oft' had been.
Each striving to deserve the crown
Of a sav'd citizen ;|| the one 290
To guard his bear, the other fought
To aid his dog ; both made more stout
rea, and Innocentia. Amin. IMarcellin. xxix. 3, et Lactant. ile
ninrt. persecutoniin, cap. 21. The word scrimatur is interpreted
rugit, aut hiicciiiat. Dii Cange from Papias. All iis diebus resi-
dent ac prioruin pedum suctu viviint. Plin. Nat. Hist., lib. viii.
cap. 54.
* Jliid quarter himself upon his paws. — A word ending in er
before another beginning with a vowel, is often considered as
ending in re, and cut oft" accordingly. See P. ii. c. ii. v. 367, and
c. iii. V. 192, P. iii. c. i. v. 521, P. ii. c. 1. v. 752, P. iii. c. i. v. .583,
622, 680, c. ii. v. 108, 468, c. iii. v. 684. Heroical Epistle, v. 284.
Lady's Answer, v. 130. So in P. i. c. iii. v. 1286. Whatsoever
assembhfs. Thus bowre for bower, that is a chamber. See
Percy's Reliques of Ancient Poetry, vol. i. p. 52. The old poets
took great liberties in varying the accents and terminations of
many words: thus, countrie, ladie, harper, finger, battel, dam-
sel, &c., ibid. p. 37.
t This fact is related by Ammianus Marccllinus, x.xxi. cap. ii
615, ed. Paris, 1681. With such fare did Azim Khan entertain
Jenkinson, and other Englishmen, in their Travels to the Cas-
pian sea from the river Volga.
"Tartaros esse perquam immundis moribus: si jurulentum
"aliquid apponatur in mensam, nulla requirere cochlearia, sed
"jus vola manus haurire ; enectoruin equorum carnem devorare
"nullo foco aduiotam ; offas tantum sub equestri sella expli-
"care, quibus equino calore tepefactis, tanquam opipare condi-
" tis, vesci." Busbequii, Ep. iv.
% Le Blanc tells this story of Aganda the daughter of Isma-
tion.
§ That is, on his account.
(1 He, who saved the life of a Roman citizen, was entitled to
a civic crown ; so, in banter, says our author, were Talgo! and
Orsin, who fought hard to save the lives of the dogs and
bears.
Caxto II.]
HUDIBRAS.
93
By sev'ral spurs of neighbourhood,
Cliurch-fellow-membership, and blood ;*
But Tulgol, mortal foe to cows, ^^. .
Never got ought of him but blows ;
Blows hard and heavy, such as he
Had lent, repaid with usury.
Yet Taljol was of courage stout,
And vanqiiish'd oft'uer than lie fought ;
Inur'd to labour, sweat, and toil.
And, like a champion, shone with oil ;t
Right many a widow his keen blade,
And many fatherless had made ;
He many a boar, and huge dun-cow
Did. like another Guy, o"erthrow :t
But (iuy, with him in figlit compar'd.
Had like the boar or dun-cow far'd ;
With greater troops of sheep h' had fought
Thau Ajax, or bold Don Quixot :§
And many a serpent of fell kind.
With wings before, and stings behind,
Subdu'd ;|| as poets say, long agone,
Bold Sir George Saint George did the dragon.lT
295
300
305
310
* Bi)th were of the same fanatic sect, and inured to scenes of
crneltj" froiii their eiiiployiiieiits.
t lie was a hutcher; and as greasy as the Greek and Roman
wrestlers, who anuiiited themselves with oil to make their joints
more supple, and prevent strains.
t The slnry of Guy, earl of VVar^irk, and the dun-cow killed
by him at Dutisuiore heath, in Warwicksliiie, is well known in
romance. He livetl aliout the tenth century. A rih of this cow
is now shown in Warwick castle : but more probably it is some
bone of a whale.
§ Ajax, when mad with rage for having lost the armor of
Achilles, attacked and slew a flock of sheep, mistakinc them
for the Grecian princes. See Snpliocles, Aja.x. 1. 29. Horace,
Satire iii. book ii. 1. 197. Uon Uuixote encountered a flock of
^heep. and imagined they were the giant Alipharnon of Tapo-
brana.
II .Meaning the flies, wasps, and hornets, which prey upon
the butchers' meat, and were killed by the valiant Talgol. Fell
is a Saxon word, and signifies cruel, de.idly: hence the term
fellow is used lo denote a cruel wicked man : perhaps fellow in
a beder sense may signify coinpmion, from feel, fellow-feeling.
Ii Sir (Jeorge. because ir.iditiou makes him a soldier as well as
a saint: or a hero (eques) as well as a martyr. But all heroes
in romance have the appellation of Sir, as Sir Belianis of Greece,
Sir I'almerin, fee. As to the patron saint of England, the le-
gendary accounts assign the exploits and sufierings of George
the Martyr to the times of Diocletinn, or even to an era still
earlier, before George, the .Arian bishop of Alexandria, was
born ; and the character given to that profligate prelate, by his
contemporaries, .Vmm. Marcellinus and St. Epiphanius, is in
direct variance with the high panegyric of the pious martyr, by
94 HUDIBRAS. [Parti.
Nor engine, nor device polemic, 315
Disease, nor doctor epidemic,*
Tlio' stored with deletery med'cines,''
Which wliosoever took, is dead since,
E'er sent so vast a colony
To botli the under worlds as he ;t 320
For he was of that noble trade
That denii-gods and heroes inade,^
Slcinghter and knocking on the head.
The trade to which they all were bred ;
Venantiiis Fortunaliis in Justinian's time. Nor arc the narra-
tives oF tlieir deaths less inconsistent. All which considera-
tions sutiiciently invalidate the unsupported conjecture so invid-
iously adopted by some, tliat our guardian saint, instead of a
Christian liero, was in reality an avaricious and ofipressive he-
retical usurper of Athanasius's see. But to return.
There was a real Sir Georjie St. Georcc, who, with Sir Rohert
Newcomen. and Major Ormsby, was, in February, 11)43, (about
our poet's time,) made conunissioncr lor the government of Con-
naught; and it is not improbable that this coincidence of names
might strike forcibly on the playful imajiination of Mr. Butler.
It is whimsical too, that George Monk, in a colleclion of loyal
songs, is said to have slain a most cruel dragon, meaning the
Rump parliament; or, perhaps, the poet might mean to ridicule
the Presbyterians, who refused even to call the apostles Peter
and Paul saints, imich more St. George, but in mockery called
them Sir Peter, Sir Paul, Sir George. — The sword of St. George
is thus ludicrously described.
His sword would serve for battle, or for dinner, if you please,
When it had slain a Cheshire man 'twould toast a Clieshire
cheese.
* The plain meaning is — not military engine, nor stratagem,
nor disease, nor doctor epidemic, ever destroyed so many. The
inquisition, tortures, or persecutions, have nothing to do here.
There is humor in joining the epithet epidemic to doctor, as
well as to the disease : intimating, perhaps, that no constitution
of the air is more dangerous than the approach of an itinerant
practitioner of physic.
OoXAiSi' larpCiv eicroSos fi' diruXto'Ci'.
[Ex incerto Coniico ap. Grot. J
Thus Juvenal —
Quot Theinisen segros autumno occiderit uno.
Sat. X. 221.
Butler in his Genuine Remains, vol. ii. p. 304, says, " A moun-
" tebank is defined to be an epidemic physician."
t Deletery, no.\ious, dangerous, from Sri^iui, ^rjXrjTijpiov.
i Virgil, in his sixth jEneid, describes Ixiih the Elysian Fields
and Tartarus as below, and not tar asunder.
§ Very justly satirizing those that pride themselves on their
military achievements. The general who massacres thousands,
is called great and glorious ; the assassin who kills a single man
is hanged at Tyburn.
lUe crucem pretium sceleris tulet ; hie diadema.
Juvenal. Sat. xiii. 105.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 95
And is, like others, glorious when 325
'Tis great and large, but base, if mean ;*
The former rides in triumph for it.
The latter in a two-wheel'd chariot.
For daring to profane a thing
So sacred, with vile bungleing.t 330
Next these the brave Magnano came,
Magnano, great in martial fame ;
Yet, when with Orsin he wag'd fight,
'Tis sung he got but little by't :
Yet he was fierce as forest boai, 33a
Whose spoils upon his back he wore,t
As thick as Ajax' seven-fold shield,
Wliich o'er his brazen arms he held ;
But brass was feeble to resist
The fury of his armed fist : 340
Nor could the hardest iron hold out
Against his blows, but they would through't
In magic he was deeply read.
As 'he that made the brazen head ;§
* Julius Caesar is said to have fiuifiht fifly bailies, and to have
killed of the Gauls alone, eleven hundred ninety-two thousand
men, and as many more in his civil wars. In the inscription
which Ponipey placed in the temple of Jlinerva, he professed
that he had slain, or vanquished and taken, two millions one
hundred and eighty-three thousand men.
t The last word is here lengthened into bungleing for the sake
of the metre.
t Meaning his budget made of pig's skin.
§ The device of the brazen head, which was to speak a proph-
ecy at a certain time, had by some been imputed to firossa Testa,
bishop of Lincoln, as appears from Gower, the old Welsh poet.
[The assertion of Gower's being from Wales is Caxton's ; but
there is every reason to believe lie was of the Gower fimily of
Stitenham in Yorkshire. See Todd's Illustration of the Lives
and Writings of Gower and Chaucer.]
For of the great clerke Grostest
I rede, howe busy that he was
Upon the clergie an hede of br.is
To forge, and make it for to telle
Of suche thynges as befelle :
And seven yeeres besinesse
He lalde, Imt for the lachesse [negligence]
Of halt'e a minute if an houre,
Fro first he began laboure.
He loste all that he had do.
Confessio Amantis, B. iv.
Others supposed that the design of making the brazen head
originated with Albertus Magnus. But the generality of writers,
and our poet among the -••est, have ascribed it to Roger Bacon, a
cordelier friar, who flourished in the thirteenth century, and is
said to have known the use of the telescope. Mr. Beckwith, in
96 HUDIBRAS. [Part \.
Profoundly skill'd in the black art, 345
As English Merlin, for his heart ;*
But far more skilful in the spheres.
Than he was at the sieve and shears.t
He cou'd transforna himself to colour.
As like the devil ag" a collier ; 350
As like as hypocrites in show
Are to true saints, or crow to crow.
Of warlike engines he was author,
Devis'd for quick dispatch of slaughter ;t
The cannon, blunderbuss, and saker, 355
He was th' inventor of, and maker:
The trumpet and the kettle-drum
Did both from his invention come.
He was the first that e'er did teach
I To make, and how to stop, a breach.§ 360
his new edition of Blounl's Fragmenta Antiquitatis, supposes
Roger Bacon to have been born near Mekesburgh, now Mex-
borough, in the county of Yorlv, and that his famous brazen
head was set up in a field at Hothwell, near Leeds.
His great knowledge caused him to be thought a magician ; the
superior of his order put him in prison on that account, from
whence he was delivered, and died A. U. 121)2, aged 78. Some,
however, believe the story of the head to be nothing more than
a moral fable.
* This alludes to William Lilly the astrologer. — Merlin was a
Welsh magician, who lived about the year 500. He was reck
oned the prince of enchanters; one that could oiUdo and undo
the enchantments of all others. Spenser, book i. c. vii. 36.
It Merlin was, which whylome did excell
All living wightes in might of magicke spell.
There was also a Scotch Merlin, a prophet, called Merlinus
Caledonius, or Merlin the Wild, who lived at Allewyd about the
year .570. Geoffry of Monmouth hath written the fabulous his-
tory of both these persons : of the Briton, in his book de gestis
Britonum, f. 51, ed. Ascens. 1508 — of the Scot, in a Latin poem
preserved in the Cotton Library. See Pinkerton's Inquiry into
the History of Scotland, vol. ii. p. 275.
t The literal sense would be, that he was skilful in the heav-
enly spheres ; that is, was a groat astrologer: but a sjihcre is
properly any thing round, and tlie linker's skill lay in mending
pots and kettles, which are commonly of that shape. There
was a kind of divination practised " inipia fraude aut anili super-
stitione" — a sieve was jnit upon the point of a pair of shears,
and expected to turn round \\ hen the person or thing inquired
alter was named. This silly mrtliod of applying for informa-
tion is mentioned by Theocritus, Idyll. 3. It is called Coscino-
mantia.
t This seems to be introduced to keep up the comv>arison.
Roger Bacon is said to have invented gunpowder. It has been
observed, that gunpowder was invented by a priest, and printing
by a soldier.
$ Tinkers are said to mend one liole, and make two.
Canto ii.]
HUDIBRAS.
97
A lance lie bore with iron pike,
Th' one half wou"d thrust, the other strike ;
And when their forces he had join'd,
He scorn'd to turn his parts behind.
He Tndla lov'd,* 'I'ruiia more bright 3G5
Than burnish'd armor of her knight ;
A bold virago, stout, and tall.
As Joan of France, or English Mail ;t
Thro' perils both of wind and limb.
Thro' thick and thin she foUow'd him 370
In ev'ry adventure h' undertook,
And never him or it forsook :
At breach of wall, or hedge surprise,
She shar'd i' th' hazard, and the prize ;
At beating quarters up, or forage, 375
Behav'd herself with matchless courage,
And laid about in fight more busily
Than th' Amazonian Dame Penthesile ;t
And tho' some critics here cry Shame,
And say our authors are to blame, 380
'I'hat, spite of all philosophers,
Who hold no females stout but bears,
And heretofore did so abhor
That women should pretend to war.
They would not suffer the stout'st dame 385
To swear by Hercules his name ;§
* Trull is a profligate woman, that follows the camp. Trnlla
signifies the same in Italian. Casaubon derives it Croin the Greek
IxarpvXXrj. — The character is said to have been intended tor the
daughter of one James Spencer.
t .loan d'.'Src, commonly called the Maid of Orleans, has been
sufficiently celebrated in the English histories of the reign of
Henry VI. about the years 1428 and 1429.
English Moli was no less famous about the year 1070. Her
real name was Mary Carlton ; but she was more commonly dis-
tinguished by the title of Kentish Moll, or the German princess.
— A renowned cheat and pickpocket, who was transported to
Jamaica in 1671 ; and, being soon after discovered at large, was
hauL'cd at Tyburn, January 22, 1072-3. Memoirs of Mary Carl-
ton were published 1073. Granger, in his Biographical History,
calls her Mary Firth. See vol. ii. p. 408. ed. 8vn. She was com-
nmnly called English Mall. Thus Cleveland, p. 07, " certainly
" it is under the same notion, as one whose pockets are picked
" goes to .Mai Cutpurse."
i In the first editions it is printed with more humor Pen-
thesile. See Virgil, yEneid. 1. 4U0.
Ducit Aiiiazonidum lunatis agmina peltis
Penthesilea furens, niediisque in millibus ardet,
Aurea sulincclfns exserta; clngula inammiE
Bellatrix, au(l('t(iuc viris concnrrere viruo.
$ The men and women, among the Romans, did not use the
38 HUDIBRAS. [Part t.
Make feeble ladies in their works, .
To fight like termagants and Turks •*
To lay their native arms aside,
Their modesty, and ride astride ;t 390
To run a tilt at men and wield
Their naked tools in open field ;
As stout Arniida, bold Thalestris,
And she that would have been the mistress
Of Gundibert, but he had grace, 395
And rather took a country lass :t
s;iine oath, or swear by the same deity; Atilus Gellius, Noctes
AttiCtE, lib. xi. cap. 6; but commonly the oath of women was
Castor ; of men Edepol, or Mehercule. According to Macrobius,
the men did not swear by Castor, nor the women by Hercules ;
but Eilepol, or swearing by Pollux, was common to both.
* The word termagant now signifies a noisy and troublesome
person, especially of the female sex. How it came by this sig-
nification 1 know not. Some derive it from the Latin ter magnus,
felixteret amplius; but Junius thinks it compounded of the
AnL'lo Saxon Cyp, the superlative or third degree of comparison,
and" maja potens: thus the Saxon word eabej happy, fcyp
eabej most happy. — In Chaucer's rime of sire Thopas, termagant
appears to be the name of a deity. The giant sire Oliphaunt,
swears by Termagaunt, line 13741. Bale, describing the threats
used by some papist magistrates to his wife, speaks of them as
"grennying upon her lyke termagaunts in a playe." And Ham-
let in Shakspeare, (Act iii. sc. 2.) "I would have such a fellow
wliipp'd for o'erdoing Termagant, it out-herods Herod." The
French romances corrupted the word into tervagaunt, and from
them La Fontaine took it up, and has used it more than once in
his Tales. Mr. Tyrwhitt informs us that this Saracen deity, in
an old MS. romance in the Bodleian Library, is constantly called
Tervagan.
Bishop Warburton very justly observes, that this passage is a
fine satire on the Italian epic poets, Ariosto, Tasso, and others ;
who have introduced their female warriors, and are followed in
this alisurdily by Spenser and Davenant.— Bishop Hurd, likewise,
in his ingenious and elegant Letters on Chivalry, p. 1'2, says,
"One of the stranyest circumstances (in old romance) is that of
"the women warriors. Butler, who saw it in this light, ridi-
"cules it, as a most unn.itural idea, with great spirit. Yet, in
" these representations they did but copy from the manners of
"the times. Anna Comnena tells us, that the wife of Rober'
"the Norman fought, side by side, with her husband in his
"battles."
t Camden, in his account of Richmond, (Article ^urrey, vol.
i. col. 188, ed. 1722,) says, that .Vnne, wife of Richard II., daugh-
ter of the emperor Charles IV., taught the English women the
present mode of riding, about the year 1388. Before which time
they rode astride.— .1. Govver, wlio dates his poem 16 Richaril II.,
139 1, describing a company of ladies on horseback, says, " everich
" '.me ride on side," p. 70, a. 2.
i The princess Rhodalind harbored a secret afifection for Gon-
diberl; but he was more struck with the charms of the humble
Birtha, daughter to the sage Astragon.
Canto ii.]
HUDIBRAS.
They say 'tis false, without all sense,
But of pernicious consequence
To government, which they suppose
Can never be upheld in prose :*
Strip nature naked to the skin,
You'll find about her no such thing.
It may be so, yet what we tell
Of Trulla, that's improbable,
Shall be depos'd by those have seen't,
Or, what's as good, produc'd in print ■,i
And if they will not take our word,
We'll prove it true upon record.
The upright Cerdon next advanc't,t
Of all his race the valiant'st ;
Cerdon the Great, renown'd in song,
Like Herc'les, for repair of wrong :
He rais'd the low, and fortify'd
The weak against the strongest side :§
111 has he read, that never hit
On him in muses' deathless writ-H
99
400
4G5
410
415
Courts she ne'er saw ; yet courts could have outdone,
With unUiught looks, and an unpractis'd heart.
* Butler loses no opportunity of rallying Sir William Dave-
nant, and burlesquing his poem entitled Gondibert. Sir William,
like many professional men, was much attiiched to his own line
of science; and in his preface to Gondibert, endeavors to show,
that neither divines, leaders of armies, statesmen, nor ministers
of the law, could uphold the government without the aid of
poetry. , , ,
t The vulgar imagine that every thing which they see in
print must be true. An instance of this is related by our coun-
tryman, Mr. Martin, who was thrown into the inquisition for
neglecting to pay due respect to a religious procession at Malaga.
One of the father-inquisitors took much pains to convert him;
and among other abuses which he cast on the reformed religion
and its professors, affirmed that king William was an atheist,
and never reteived the sacrament. Mr. Martin assured him this
was false to his own knowledge : when the reverend lather re-
plied, " Isaac, Isaac, never tell me so.— I have read it in a French
book." . ,
t An equivoque on the word upright. Perhaps our poet might
here mean to satirize Colonel Hewson, who was a cobbler, jrreat
preacher, and a commander of some note : " renown'd in song,"
for there are many ballads and poems which celebrate the cob-
bler and his stall.
§ Repaired the heels, and mended the worn-out parts of the
shoe.
II A parody upon these lines in Gondibert :
Recorded Rhodalind, whose name in versa
Who hath not hit, not luckily hath read.
*
11-
Or thus :
Recorded Rhodalind, whose high renown
Who miss in books, not luckily have read.
100 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
He had a weapon keen and fierce,
That thro' a bull-hide shield would pierce,*
And cut it in a thousand pieces,
Tho' tougher than the Knight of Greece his,t 420
With wliom his black-tlmmb'd ancestor!
Was comrade in the ten years' war :
For when the restless Greeks sat down
So many years before Troy town,
And were renown'd, as Homer writes, 425
For well-sol'd boots no less than fights,§
They ow'd that glory only to
His ancestor, that made them so.
Fast friend he was to reformation,
Until 'twas worn quite out of fashion ; 430
Next rectifier of wry law,
And would make three to cure one flaw.
Learned he was, and could take note.
Transcribe, collect, translate, and quote :
But preaching was his chiefest talent, 435
Or argument, in which being valiant.
He us'd to lay about, and stickle,
Like ram or bull at conventicle :
For disputants, like rams and bulls,
Do fight with arms that spring from sculls. 440
V/ Last Colon came,|| bold man of war,
Destin'd to blows by fatal star ;
Right expert in command of horse,
But cruel, and without remorse.
That which of Centaur long ago 445
Was said, and has been wrested to
Some other knights, was true of this :
He and his horse were of a piece :
One spirit did inforni them both.
The self-same vigour, fury, wroth ; 450
* Meaning his sharp knife, with which he cut the leather
t The shield of Ajax.
Aiaf 6' tyyiOtv ^X0£, (pipojv aaxoi Titre Trvpyov,
XuXkcov, CTTTaSieiov, '6 o'l Tv^iof Kane Ttvx^v-
Iliad, vii. 219.
% According to the old verses :
The bigh*:r the plumb-tree, the riper the plumb ;
The richer the cobbler, the blaclver his thumb.
$ V.vKvfiyiiii.i 'A^aioi — Kvriiili, was an armor for the legs,
from Kvnjir], tibia, crus, which Butler ludicrously calls boots.
II Colon is said, by Sir Robert L'Estrange, to be one Ned Perry,
an ostler ; possibly he had risen to some command in a regiment
of horse
Canto n.]
HUDIBRAS.
101
J
Yet he was much tlie rougher part,
And always had the harder heart,
Altho' his horse had been of those
That fed on man's flesh, as fame goes :*
Strange food for horse ! and yet, alas ! 455
It inay be true, for flesh is grass.t
Sturdy he was, and no less able '
Than Hercules to cleanse a stable ;t
As great a drover, and as great
A critic too, in hog or neat. 460
He ripp'd the womb up of his mother.
Dame Tellus,§ 'cause she wanted fother.
And provender, wherewith to feed
Himself, and his less cruel steed.
It was a question whether he, 465
Or's horse, were of a family
More worshipful ; 'till antiquaries.
After th'ad almost por'd out their eyes,
Did very learnedly decide
The bus'ness on the horse's side, 470
And prov'd not only horse, but cows,
Nay pigs, were of the elder house :
* The horses of Diomedes were said to have been fed with
human flesh.
Non libi succurrit crudi Diomedis imago,
Efferus liuniana qui dape pavit equas.
Ovid. Epist. Deiaiiira Hercnli.
The moral, perhaps, might lie, that Diomede was ruined by
keepint; his horses, as Ac.leon was said to be devoured by his
dogs, because he was ruined by keeping them : a good hint to
young men, qui gaudent equis, canibusque ; tiie French say, of
a man who has ruined himself by extravagance, il a mang6 ses
biens.
See the account of Duncan's horses in Shakspeare, (Macbeth,
Ac. ii. sc. 4.)
t Our poet takes a particular pleasure in bantering Sir Thomas
Browne, author of the Vulgar Errors, and Religio Medici. In
the latter of these tracts he had said, " All flesh is grass, not
" only uietaphcjrically, but literally : for all those creatures we
"behold, are but the herbs of the field digested into flesh in
" them, or more remotely carnified in ourselves. Nay, farther,
" we are, what we all abhor, anthropophagi and cannibals ; de-
" voarers not only of men but of ourselves, and that not in alle-
"gory but positive truth ; for all this mass of flesh which we
" behold c;ime in at our mouth ; this frame we look upon hath
" been upon our trenchers."
X Alluding to the fabulous stor> of Hercules, who cleansed
the stables of Augcus, king of Elis, by turning the river Alpheus
throuch them.
§ This means no more than his ploughing the ground. The
mock epic delights in exaggerating the most trifling circumstan
ces. This whole character is full of wit and happy allusions.
/
102
HUDIBRAS. [Part l
For beasts, when man was but a piece
Of earth himself, did th' earth possess.
These worthies were tlie chief that led 475
The combatants,* each in the head
•Of his command, with arms and rage,
Ready and longing to engage.
The numerous rabble was drawn out
Of sev'ral countries round about, 480
From villages remote, and siiires,
Of east and western hemispheres.
From foreign parishes and regions.
Of different manners, speeeii, religions,+
Came men and mastiffs ; some to fight 485
For fame and honor, some for sight.
And now tiie field of death, the lists,
Were enter'd by antagonists,
And blood was ready to be broach'd,
When Hudibras in haste approach'd, 496
With Squire and weapons to attack 'em ;
But first thus from his horse bespake 'em:
AVhat rage, O citizens It what fury
Doth you to these dire actions hurry ?
What oestrum, what phrenetic mood§ 495
* All Bntler's heroes are round-heads : the cavaliers are sel-
dom mentioned in his poem. The reason may be, that his satire
on the two predominant seels would not have had the same
force from the mouth of a royalist. It is now founded on the
aclinowledgments and mutual recriminations of the parties ex-
posed.
t In a thanksgiving sermon preached before the parliament on
the taking of Chester, the preacher said, there were in London
no less than one hundred and fifty different sects.
% Butler certainly had these lines of Lucan in view, Phar-
sal. 1-8 :
Quis furor, O cives, quas tanta licentia ferri,
Genlibus invisus Latiuin prsliere cruoruni?
Cumque superha foret Baliylon spolianda trophseis
Ausoniis, umbraque erraret Crassus inulta,
Bella geri placuit nullos habitura triuinphos'?
Heu, quantum potuit terr^ pelagiquc parari
Hoc, queni civiles hauserunt, sanguine, dextrae.
And Virgil, JEn. ii. 42:
O miseri, qua3 tanta insania, cives?
Perhaps, too, he recollected the seventh epode of Horace:
Q.UO, quo scelesti, ruitis 1 aut cur dexteris
Aptaiitur enses conditi 7
5 OZs'pof is not only a Greek word for madness, but signifies
also a pud-bee. or horse-fly, that torments cattle in the summer
and makes them run about as if they were mad
Canto ii.]
HUDIBRAS.
103
Makes you thus lavish of your blood,
While the proud Vies your trophies boast,
And, unreveng'd, walks ghost?*
What towns, what garrisons might you,
With hazard of this blood, subdue.
Which now y' are bent to throw away
In vain, untriumphable fray?t
Shall saints in civil bloodshed wallow
Of saints, and let the cause lie fallow ?t
The cause, for which we fought and swore
So boldly, shall we now give o'er ?
Then, because quarrels still are seen
With oaths and swearings to begin,
Tlie solemn league and covenant^
Will seem a mere God-damn-me rant.
And we that took it, and have fought.
As lewd as drunkards that fall out :
For as we make war for the king
Against himself,|| the self-same thing
Some will not stick to swear we do
For God, and for religion too ;
500
505
510
515
* Vies, or Devizes, in Wiltshire. This passage alludes to the
defeat given by Wilmot to the forces under Sir William Waller,
near that place, July 13, 1643. After the battle Sir William was
entirely neglected by his party. Clarendon calls it the battle of
Itoundway-down. See vol. ii. p. 224. Some in joke call it Run-
away down. Others suppose the hiatus, in the second line,
ought to be supplied by the name Hampden, who was killed in
rhalgrove-fleld in Oxfordshire, about the time of Waller's de-
feat in the neighborhood of the Devizes.— The heathen poets
have feigned, that the ghosts of the slain could not enter Ely-
sium till their deaths were revenged.
t The Romans never granted a triumph to the conqueror in a
r.iciil war. ~-
I The support of the discipline, or ecclesiastical regimen by
presbyters, was called the Cause, as if no other cause were com-
parable to it. See Hooker's Eccles. Pol., preface.
§ Mr. Robert Gordon, in his history of the illustrious family
of Gordon, vol. ii. p. 197, compares the solemn league and cove-
nant with the holy league in France : he says, they were as like
as one egg to another ; the one was nursed by the Jesuits, the
other by the Scots Presbyterians.
II '• To secure the king's person from danger," says Lord Clar-
endon, " was an expression they were not ashamed always to
"use, when there was no danger that threatened, but what
'• themselves contrived and designed against him. They not
" only declared that they fought for the king, but that the raising
"and maintaining soldiers for their own army, would be an ac-
"ceptable service for the king, parliament, and kingdom."
One Blake, in the king's army, gave intelligence to the enemy
in what part of the army the king fought, that they might direoi
their bullets accordingly.
104 HUDIBRAS. [Part t
" For if bear-baiting we allow,
What good can reformation do ?*
The blood and treasure that's laid out
^^ Is thrown away, and goes for nought. 520
Are these the fruits o' th' protestation,!
The prototype of reformatioujt
Which all the saints, and some, since martyrs,§
Wore in their hats like wedding-garters,||
When 'twas resolved by their house, 525
Six members' quarrels to espouse 711 ^
Did they for this draw down the rabble,
With zeal, and noises formidable ;**
And make all cries about the town
Join throats to cry the bishops down? 530
Who having round begirt the palace,
As once a month they do the gallows,tt
As members gave the sign about.
Set up their throats with hideous shout.
* Hewson is said, by Mr. Hume, to have gone, in the fervor
of his zeal against bear-baiting, and killed all the bears which
he could find in the city. But we are told by the author of the
Mystery of the good old Cause, a pamphlet published soon after
these animals were destroyed, that they were killed by Colonel
Pride. Granger's Biographical History, vol. iii. p. 75.
t The protestation was framed, and taken in the house of
commons, May 3, KHl ; and immediately printed and dispersed
over the nation. The design of it was to alarm the people with
fears and apprehensions both for their civil and religious liber-
ties ; as if the Protestant religion were in danger, and the privi-
leges of parliament trampled upon. The king was deemed to
have acted unconstitutionally the day before, by taking notice
of the bill of attainder against the earl of Strafford, then depend-
ing in tlie house of lords.
X The protestation was the first attempt towards a national
combination against the establishment, and was harbinger to the
covenant. See Nalson's Collections, vol. i. p. ult., and Walker's
Sufferings of the Clergy, vol. i. 22-6.
<s Those that were killed in the war.
II The protestors or iKnitioners, when they came tumultuously
to the parliament-house, Dec. 27, ]()41, stuck pieces of paper in
their hats, wiiicli were to pass for their protestation.
IT Charles I. ordered Iho following members — Lord Kimbolton,
Mr. Pym, Mr. HoUis, Mr. Hampden, Sir Arthur Haselrig, and
Mr. Stroud — to be prosecuted, tor plotting with the Scots, and
stirring up sedition. The coimnons voted against their arrest,
and the king went to the house with his guards, in order to seize
them; but they had received intelligence of the design, and
made their escape. This was one of the first acts of open vio-
lence which preceded the civil wars. The king took this meas-
ure chietiy by the advice of Lord Digby.
** The cry of the rabble was, as mentioned in the following
lines, for reformation in church and state— no bishops— no evil
counsellors, &c. See the protestation in Rapin's History.
ft The executions at Tyburn were generally once a month.
Canto n.]
HUDIBRAS.
105
When tinkers bawl'd aloud, to settle
Church-discipline, for patching kettle.*
No sow-gelder did blow his iiorn
To geld a cat, but cry'd Reform.
The oyster-women lock'd their fish up,
And trudg'd away to cry No Bishop :
The mouse-trap men laid save-alls by,
And 'gainst ev'l counsellors did cry.
Botchers left old cloaths in the lurch,
And fell to turn and patch the church.
Some cry'd the covenant, instead
Of pudding-pies and ginger-bread :
And some for brooms, old boots, and shoes,
Bawl'd out to purge the commons' house:
Instead of kitchen-stufF, some cry
A gospel-preaching ministry :
And some for old suits, coats, or cloak,
No surplices, nor service-book. /
A strange harmonious inclination V
"Of all degrees to reformation :
And is this all ? is this the end
To whicli these carr'ings-on did tend? •
Hath public faith, like a young heir,
For this tak'n up all sorts of ware,
And run int' ev'ry tradesman's book,
'Till both turn bankrupts, and are broke ;
Did saints for this bring in their plate,t
And crowd, as if they came too late?
For when they thought the Cause had need on't,
Happy was he that could be rid on't.
Did they coin piss-pots, bowls, and flaggons,
Int' officers of horse and dragoons ;
And into pikes and musqueteers
Stamp beakers, cups, and porringers?
A thimble, bodkin, and a spoon.
Did start up living men, as soon
As in the furnace they were thrown.
Just like the dragon's teeth b'ing sown.t
.535
540
543
550
555
560
560
570
* For, that is, instead of; as also in v. 547 and 551.
t Zealous persons, on both sides, lent their plate, to raiae
money tor recruiting the army. The king, or some one for the
parliament, gave notes of hand to repay with interest. Several
colleges at Oxford have notes to this day, for their plate delivered
to the king; and I have seen many other notes of the same
nature. Even the poor women brought a spoon, a thimble, or a
bodkin.
% Ovid. Metamorph. lib. iii. 106.
5*
106 HUDIBRAS. [Part j.
Then was the cause all gold and plate,
Tlie brethren's ofF'riugs, consecrate,
Like th' Hebrew calf, and down before it 575
The saints fell prostrate, to adore it.*
So say the wicked — and will you
Make that sarcasmous scandal true,t
By running after dogs and bears.
Beasts more unclean than calves or steers? 530
Have pow'rful preachers ply'd their tongues,^
And laid themselves out, and their lungs ;
Us'd all means, both direct and sinister,
I' th' power of gospel-preaching minister?
1 Have they invented tones, to win 535
1 The women, and make them draw in
The men as Indians with a female
Tame elephant inveigle the male ?§
Have they told prov'dence what it must do,
Whom to avoid, and whom to trust to? 590
Discover'd th' enemy's design.
And which way best to countermine ;
Prescribed what ways he hatii to work,
Or it will ne'er advance the kirk ;
Told it the jiews o' th' last express,]] 595
And after good or bad success
* Exod. xxxii.
t Sarcasmus is here converted into an adjective.
t Calamy, Case, and the otlier dissenting teachers, exhorted
their flocks, in the most moving terms and tones, to contribute
their money towards the support of the parliament army.
5 The method by which elephants are caught, is by placing a
tame female elephant within an inclosure, who, like a decoy-
duck, draws in the male.
II The prayers of the Presbyterians, in those days, were very
historical. Mr. G. Swaithe, in his Prayers, p. 12, says, "I hear
" the king hath set up his standard at York, against the parlia-
" nient, and the city of London. Look thou upon them ; take
" their cause in thine own hand ; appear thou in the cause of
" thy saints ; the cause in hand."
"Tell them, from the Holy Ghost," says Beech, "from the
" word of truth, that their destruction shall be terrible, it shall
" be timely, it shall be total.
"Gi7e thanks unto the Lord, for he is gracious, and his mercy
"endureth forever.— Who remembered us at Naseby, for his
" mercy endureth forever.
'• Who remembered us in Pembrokeshire, for his mercy, &c.
" Who remembered us at Leicester, for his mercy, &c.
" Who remembered us at Taunton, for his mercy, &c.
"Who remembered us at Bristol, for his mercy, &c." See
sermon, licensed by Mr. Cranford, 164.5.— Mr. Pennington, lord
mayor, in liis order to the London ministers, April, 1043, says,
" You are to conunend to God in your pmyers, the lord general,
"the whole army in the parliament service; as also in your
Canto ii.]
HUDIBRAS.
107
Made prayers, not so like petitious.
As overtures and propositions,
Sucii as the army did present
To tlieir creator, the parliament;
In which they freely will confess,
They will not, cannot acquiesce,
Unless the work be carry'd on
In the same way they have begun.
By setting church and common-weal
All on a flame, bright as their zeal.
On which the saints were all a-gog,
And all this for a bear and dog.
The parliament drew up petitions*
To 'tself, and sent them, like commissions,
To well-afFected persons down.
In every city and great town,
With pow'r to levy horse and men,
Only to bring them back again ;
For this did many, many a mile.
Ride manfully in rank and file.
With papers in their hats, that show'd
As if they to the pillory rode.
Have all these courses, these efforts.
Been try'd by people of all sorts,
Velis et remis, omnibus nervis,t
And all t' advance the cause's service :
And shall all now be thrown away
In petulant intestine fray 1
Shall we, that in the cov'nant swore,
Each man of us to run before
COO
605
690
615
620
625
" sermons eflectually to stir up the people to appear in person,
"and to join with the army, and the committee for the militia in
"the city."
* It was customary for the active members of parliament to
draw up petitions and send them into the country to be signetV.
Lord Clarendon charges them with altering the matter of the
petition alter it was signed and affixing a fresh petition to the
names. The Hertfordshire petition, at Ihe beginning of the war,
took notice of things done in parliament the night before its
delivery : it was signed liy many thousands. Another petition
was presented, beginning, " We men, women, children, and
" servants, having considered," &c. Fifteen thousand porters
petitioned against the liishops, affirming they cannot endure the
weight of episcopacy any longer.
t That is, with all their might. The reader will remember,
that to our hero
Latin was no more difficile
Than to a black-bird 'tis to whistle.
Canto i. 1. 53.
108 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
Another* still in reformation,
Give dogs and bears a dispensation?
How will dissenting brethren relish it?
What will malignantst say ? videlicet, 630
That each man swore to do his best,
To dam and perjure all the rest ;
And bid the devil take the hinniost.
Which at this race is like to win most.
They'll say, our bus'ness to reform 635
The church and state is but a worm ;
j For to subscribe, unsight, unseen,
i T' an unknown church's discipline,
What is it else, but, before hand,
T' engage, and after understand ? 640
For when we swore to carry on
The present reformation.
According to the purest mode
Of churches, best reform'd abroad, t
What did we else but make a vow 645
To do, we knew not what, nor how?
For no three of us will agree
Where, or what churches these should be.
And is indeed the self-same case
With theirs that swore et caeteras ;§ 650
* This was a common phrase in those days, particularly with
the zealous preachers, and is inserted in the solemn league and
covenant.
t That is, the king's party ; the parliament calling their op-
ponents by that name.
X The Presbyterians pretended to desire such a reformation as
had taken place in the neighboring churches ; the king offered to
Invite any churches to a national synod, and could not even
obtain an answer to the proposal.
Instead of taking pattern by the best reformed churches, they
would have had other reformed churches take pattern by them.
They sent letters, and their covenant, to seventeen fnnngn
churches ; but they never produced the answer they received
from any of them — a plain indication that protestants abroad did
not approve their practices.
§ By the convocation, which sat in the beginning of 1C40, all
the clergy were required to take an oath in this form : " Nor
"will I ever give my consent to alter the government of this
" church by archbishops, bishops, deans, archdeacons, et cwtcra."
See this oath at length in Biographia Britannica, and Baxter's
Life, p. 15. Dr. lleylin, who was a member of the convocation,
declared, that the words, " et coetera," were an oversieht, and in-
tended to have been expunged before it was sent to the press : and
beside, that the oath was rendered so determinate, and the words
so restrained by the other part, that there could be no danger,
no mystery or iniquity in it. Life of Archbishop Laud; but
such an oath could not be justified, as every oath ought to be
plain and determinate. See Cleveland's Poeui, p. 33.
Canto n.]
HUDIBRAS.
109
Or the French league, in which men vow'd
Tte fight to the last drop of blood*
These slanders will be thrown upon
The cause and work we carry on,
If we permit men to run headlong
T' exorbitances fit for Bedlam,
Rather than gospel-walking times,t
When slightest sins are greatest crimes.
But we the matter so shall handle,
As to remove that odious scandal.
In name of king and parliament,^
I charge ye all, no more foment
This feud, but keep the peace between
Your brethren and your countrymen ;
And to those places straight repair
Where your respective dwellings are :
But to that purpose first surrender
The fiddler, as the prime offender,^
Th' incendiary vile, that is chief
Author, and engineer of mischief ;
That makes division between friends,
For prophane and malignant ends.
655
660
665
670
Who swears et csptera, swears more oalhs at once
Than Cerberus, out of his triple sconce;
Who views it well, with the same eye beholds
The old false serpent in his numerous folds.
Accurst et cietera I
Then finally, my babes of grace, forbear,
Et Cffitera will be too far to swear;
For 'tis, to speak in a familiar stile,
A Yorkshire wea-bit longer than a mile.
Mr. Butler here shows his impartiality, by bantering the laults
of his own party.
* The holy league in France, 1576, was the original of the
Scotch solemn league and covenant; they are often compared
together by Sir William Dugdale and others. See Satire Me-
nipp6e, sometimes called the French Hudibras. . *
t This is one of the cant phrases much used in our author's
time.
} The Presbyterians made a distinction between the king's
person politic, and his person natural : when they fought against
the latter, it was in defence of the former, always inseparable
from the parliament. The commission granted to the earl of
Essex was in the name of the king and parliament. But when
the Independents got the upper hand, the name of the king was
omitted, and the commission of Sir Thomas Fairfax ran only in
the name of the parliament.
$ See the fable of the trumpeter, who was put to death fo(
setting people together by the ears without fighting himself. It
burlesques the clamors made by the parliament against evil
counsellors ; to which clamors were sacrificed Lord Strafford
Archbishop Laud, and others.
110 HUDIBRAS. [PAm t
He and that engine of vile noise,
On whicii illegally lie plays, *r
Shall, dictum factum, both be brought 675
To condign pun'shment as they ought.
This must be done, and I would fain see
Mortal so sturdy as to gaiu-say :
For then I'll take another course,
And soon reduce you all by force. 680
This said, he clapt his hand on's sword,
To shew he meant to keep his word.
But Talgol, who had long supprest
Inflamed wrath in glowing breast,*
Which now began to rage and burn as 685
Implacably as flame in furnace.
Thus answer'd him ; Thou vermin wretched,t
As e'er in measled pork was hatched ;t
Thou tail of worship, that dost grow
Oil rump of justice as of cow ; 890
How dar'st thou with that sullen luggage
O' thyself, old ir'ii§ and other baggage,
With which thy steed of bone and leather
Has broke his wind in halting hither ;
How durst th', I say, adventure thus 695
T' oppose thy lumber against us ?
Could thine impertinence find out
No work t' employ itself about,
Where thou secure from wooden blow,
Thy busy vanity might show ? 700
Was no dispute afoot between
The caterwauling brethren ?
No subtle question rais'd among
Those out-o'-their wits, and those i' th' wrong ?
* jEstuat ingens
Inio in corde pudor, niixtoque insania luctu,
Et furiis agitatus amor, et coiiscia virtus. ••.
^neid. x. 870.
The speech, though coarse, and becoming the mouth of a
butcher, is an excellent satire upon the justices of the peace in
those days, who were often shoemakers, tailors, or common liv-
ery servants. Instead of making peace with their neighbors,
they hunted impertinently for trilling offences, and severely pun
ished them.
t Homer's language is almost as coarse in the following line:
OlvoSapig, Kvvoi S/jt/iaT' tx'^^j Kpaiit]v 6^iXdd>oio.
II. 1. 2i>5.
t Unhealthy pigs are subject to an eruption, like the measles,
which breeds maggots, or vermin.
) Meaning his sword and pistols. ,
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. Ill
No prize between those combatants 705
O' th' times, the land and water saints ;*
Where thou might'st stickle without hazard
Of outrage, to thy liide and mazzard,t
And, not for want of bus'ness, come
To lis to be thus troublesome, 710
To interrupt our better sort
Of disputants, and spoil our sport ?
Was there no felony, no bawd.
Cut-purse, t nor burglary abroad?
No stolen pig, nor plunder'd goose, 715
To tie thee up from breaking loose?
No ale nnlicens'd, broken hedge.
For which thou statute might'st alledge,
To keep thee busy from foul evil,
And shame due to thee from the devil ? 720
Did no committee sit,§ where he
Might cut out journey-work for thee ;
And set th' a task with subornation,
To stitch up sale and sequestration ;
* That is, tlie Presbyterians and Anabaptists.
t Face, perhajjs from the Latin, maxilla ; and the French,
machoire. [More probably from mazer, a cup, from the Dutch,
maeser, a knot of maple :
A mazer ywrought of the maple ware.
Spenser, Shep. Cal. Aug. v. 26.
That the name of the cup should be transferred to the toper,
seems not at all inconsistent with the etymology of burlesque
words ; the northern custom of drinking out of the skull of an
enemy, and the southern fashion of adorning cups with grotesque
heads, lend a probability to this derivation, which is somewhat
helped by the words of Minshew, sub voce mazer ;—" enim
" pocula plerunque sunt acerna, facta e,\ tornatis hujus ligni ra-
" dicibus, qua; propter multiculores venas, maculasque variegatas
"aspectu jucunda sunt, et mensis gratissima." Mazer is used
for a head, seriously, by Sylvester ; and ludicrously in two old
plays. Mazer became mazzard, as vizor became vizard.
Archdeacon Nares very justly observes, that the derivation
from machoire, a jaw, is contradicted by Shakspeare ; —
Ham. T\i\s (siu//) might be my lord such-a-one Why,
e'en so : and now my lady Worm's ; chapless, and knock'd
about the mazzard with a se.xton's spade.]
X Men formerly hung their purses, by a silken or leathern
strap, to their belts, on the outside of their garments, as ladies
now wear watches. See the figures on old monuments. Hence
the miscreant, whom we now denominate a pickpocket, was
then properly a cutpurse.
§ In many counties, certain persons appointed by the parlia-
ment to promote their interest, had power to raise money for
their use, and to punish their opponents by fine and imprison-
ment: these persons so associated were called a committee
Walker's Sufferings of the Episcopal Clergy, part i.
112 HUDIBRAS. [Parti.
To cheat, with hoUness and zeal, 725
All parties, and the common-weal ?
Much better had it been for thee,
H' had kept thee where th' art us'd to be ;
Or sent th' on business any whither,*
So he had never brought thee hitiier. 730
But if til' hast brain enough in skull
To keep within his lodging whole,
And not provoke the rage of stones,
And cudgels, to thy hide and bones ;
Tremble, and vanish while tliou may'st, 733
Which I'll not promise if thou stay'st.
At this the Knight grew high in wroth,
And lifting hands and eyes up both,
Three times he smote on stomach stout.
From whence, at lengtli, these words broke out 740
Was I for this entit'led Sir,
And girt with trusty sword and spur,
F'or fame and honour to wage battle,
Thus to be brav'd by foe to cattle ?
Not all the pride that makes thee swellt 745
As big as thou dost blown -up veal ;
Nor all thy tricks and slights to cheat, I
And sell thy carrion for good meat ;
Not all thy magic to repair
Decay'd old age, in tough lean ware, 750
Make natural death appear thy work,
And stop the gangrene in stale pork ;
Not all that force that makes thee proud,
Because by bullock ne'er withstood :
Tho' arm'd with all thy cleavers, knives, 755
And axes made to hew down lives,
* Sir Sanuicl I>iike was scnut-master in the parliament-army,
hence the poet sujijioses Hiidibras might be sent on errands by
the devil.
t OvK civ Toi ■xpai(7iiri Kldapii, rd Tc iwp' 'A(ppoiiTrig,
'H TC Kd/jiri, t6, tc ciioi, ot' iv Kovif]<Ti ixiycbj;.
Homer. Iliad, iii. 54.
Nequicquam, Veneris praesidio ferox,
Pedes cuisarifim : grataqiie feminis
Imbelli cithara carmina divides :
Nequicquam thalamo graves
Hastas, et calami spicula Cnossii
Vilabis, strepitunique, et celerem sequi
Ajacem. Tamen, heu, serus adulteros
Criues pulvere collines.
Hor. Carm lib. i. 15.
Canto n.] HDDIBRAS, lia
Shall save, or help thee to evade
The hand of justice, or this blade,
Which I, her sword-bearer, do carry,
For civil deed aud military. 760
Nor shall these words of venom base,
Which thou hast from their native place,
Thy stomach, pump'd to fling on me,
Go unreveng'd, though I am free.*
Thou down the same throat shalt devour 'em 765
Like tainted beef, and pay dear for 'em.
Nor shall it e'er be said, that wight
With gantlet blue, and bases white,t
And round blunt truncheon by his side, I
So great a man at arms defy'd, 770
With words far bitterer than wormwood.
That would in Job or Grizel stir mood.§
Dogs with their tongues their wounds do heal ;
But men with hands, as thou shalt feel.
This said, with hasty rage he snatch'd 775
His gun-shot, that in holsters watch'd ;
* Free, that is, untouched by your accusations, as being free
from what you charge me with.
t Meaning his blue cuffs, and white apron. Gauntlet wa3
iron armor which warriors wore on their hands, and lower part
of their arms. [Bases, a mantle which hung from the middle to
about the knees or lower, worn by knights on horseback.] His
apron reached the ground, and is therefore called bases.
I That is, the steel on which a butcher whets his knife. In
some editions it is dudgeon, that is, a short weapon.
§ The patience of the former is well known ; that of the lat-
ter is celebrated in Chaucer and several old writers. Chaucer,
vol. ii., the Clerk's Tale, ed. Tyrwhitt, 8vo. The story is taken
from Petrarch, for Chaucer says,
As was Grisilde, therefore Petrark writeth
This storie, which with high stile he enditeth.
The tract is entitled, De obedientiii et fide u.xoria mylholnsia.
Its principal circumstances are these: — Walter, maniuis of Sa-
luces, in Lower Lombardy, had a mind to make trial of his
wife's patience and obedience. He first sent some ruflians to
take away her son and daughter, apparently with intent to mur-
der them: then clothed her in the mean apparel which she had
formerly worn ; for she was a person of low birth; sent her
home to her father's cottage ; pretended that his subjects were
displeased at his unequal match, and that he had obtained a
dispensation from the pope to marry another woman of equal
rank with himself. All this, patient Grizel bore with great re-
signation and good humor ; till at last the marquis disclosed the
artifice, and proved thenceforth a kind and afl'ectionate husband.
— Chaucer again observes,
That wedded men ne connen no measure
When that they find a patient creature.
114 HUDIBRAS. [Parti.
And bendin<T cock, he levell'd full
Against th' outside of Tajfrol's skull ;
Vowing that lie should ne'er stir further,
Nor henceforth cow or bullock mnrther. 780
But Pallas came in shape -of rust,*
And "twixt the spring and hammer thrust
Her gorgon-shield, which made the cockt
Stand stiff as if 'twere turn'd t' a stock.
Mean while fierce Talgol gath'ring might, 785
With rugged truncheon charg'd the Knight ;
And he his rusty pistol held,
To take the blow on, like a shield ;
The gun recoil'd, as well it might.
Not us'd to such a kind of fight. 790
And shrunk from its great master's gripe,
Knock'd down, and stunn'd, with mortal stripe :
Then Hudibras, with furious haste.
Drew out his sword ; yet not so fust,
But Talgol first, with hardy thwack, 793
Twice bruis'd his head, and twice his back ;
But when his nut-brown sword was out,
Courageously he laid about.
Imprinting many a wound upon
His mortal foe, the truncheon. 800
The trusty cudgel did oppose
Itself against dead-doing blows,
To guard its leader from fell bane.
And then reveng'd itself again :
And though the sword, some undei-stood, 805
In force, had much the odds of wood ;
'Twas nothing so, both sides were balanc't
So equal, none knew which was valiant'st.
For wood with honour b'ing engag'd.
Is so implacably enrag'd, 810
Though iron hew and mangle sore.
Wood wounds and bruises honour more.
* A banter upon Homer, Virgil, and other epic poets, who
have always a deity at hand to protect their heroes,
t In some editions the next lines are printed thus,
which made the cock
Stand stiff; as t'weie transform'd to stock.
Meanwhile fierce Talgol, gath'ring might,
With rugged truncheon charg'd the knight,
But he, with petronel uphcav'd,
Instead of shield, the blow receiv'd.
Petronel is a horseman's gun, but here it must signify a plsto^
a» it does not appear that Hudibras carried a carbine.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 115
And now both knights were out of breath,
Tir'd in the hot pursuit of death ;
Whilst all the rest, amaz'd stood still, 815
Expecting wliich should take,* or kill.
This Hudibras observ'd, and fretting
Conquest should be so long a getting,
He drew up all his force into
One body, and that into one blow. 820
But Talgol wisely avoided it
By cunning slight ; for had it hit
The upper part of liim, the blow
Had slit, as sure as that below.
Meanwhile th' incomparable Colon, 825
To aid his friend, began to fall on ;
Him Ralph encounter'd, and straight grew,
A dismal combat 'twixt them two :t
Th' one arm'd with metal, th' other with wood ;t
This fit for bruise, and that for blood. 830
With many a stiff thwack, many a bang,
Hard crab-tree, and old iron rang ;§
While none that saw them could divine
To which side conquest would incline,
Until Magnano, who did envy 835
That two should with so many men vie,
By subtle stratagem of brain
Perform'd what force could ne'er attain,
For he, by foul hap, having found
Where thistles grew on barren ground, 840
In haste he drew his weapon out.
And having cropp'd them from the root.
He clapp'd them under th' horse's tail,||
With prickles sharper than a nail.
The angry beast did straight resent 845
The wrong done to his fundament.
Began to kick, and fling, and wince.
As if h' had been beside his sense.
Striving to disengage from smart
And raging pain, th' afflicted part ; 850
Instead of which he threw the pack
Of Squire and baggage from his back ;
* Take, that is, take prisoner, as in verse 905, But took none.
f In some editions,
A fierce dispute between them two.
X In some editions we read, — th' other wood.
$ Here the sound is an echo to the sense.
II The same trick was played upon Don Quixote's Kosmante
and Sancho's dapple. P. ii. lib. viii. c. 61, ed. Granville.
116 HUDIBRAS. [Parti.
And blund'ring still with smarting rump,
He gave the champion's steed a thump
TJiat stagger'd him. The Knight did stoop, 855
And sat on further side aslope.
This Talgol viewing, who had now.
By flight, escap'd the fatal blow.
He rally'd, and again fell to't ;
For catching foe by nearer foot, 860
He lifted witli s-uch might and strength,
As would have hurl'd him thrice his length.
And dash'd his brains, if any, out :
But Mars, who still protects the stout,
In pudding-time came to his aid, 865
And under him the bear convey'd ;
The bear, upon whose soft fur-gown
The Knigiit, with all his weight, fell down.
The friendly rug presei-v'd the ground.
And headlong Knight, from bruise or wound: 870
Like feather-bed betwixt a wall.
And heavy brunt of cannon-ball.
As Sancho on a blanket fell,*
And had no hurt ; ours far'd as well
In body, though his mighty spirit, 875
B'ing heavy, did not so well bear it.
The bear was in a greater fright,
Beat down, and worsted by the Knight;
He roar'd, and rag'd, and flung about.
To shake off" bondage from his snout. 880
His wrath inflam'd boil'd o'er, and from
His jaws of death, he threw the foam ;
Fury in stranger postures threw him.
And more than ever herald drew him.
He tore the earth, which he had sav'd 885
From squelch of Knight, and storm'd, and rav'd ;
And vex'd the more, because the harms
He felt were 'gainst the law of arms;
For men he always took to be
His friends, and dogs the enemy, 890
Who never so much hurt had done him,
As his own side did falling on him.
It griev'd him to the guts, that they,
For whom h' had fought so many a fray,
And sei-v'd with loss of blood so long, 895
. Should offer such inhuman wrong ;
' Wrong of unsoldier-like condition ;
* Sancho's adventure at tlie inn, being tossed in a blanket.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 117
For which he flung down his commission,*
And laid about him, till his nose
From thrall of ring and cord broke loose. 900
Soon as he felt himself enlarg'd.
Through thickest of his foes he charg'd,
And made way through th' amazed crew,
Some he o'er-ran, and some o'erthrew,
But took none ; for, by hasty flight, 905
He strove t'avoid the conquering Knight,
From whom he fled with as much haste
And dread, as he the rabble chac"d.
In haste he fled, and so did they.
Each and his fear a several way.t 910
Crovvdero only kept the field,
Not stirring from the place he held.
Though beaten down, and wounded sore,
I' th' "fiddle, and a leg that bore
One side of him, not that of bone, 915
But much its better, th' wooden one.
He spying Hudibras lie strow'd
Upon the ground, like log of wood,
With fright of fall, supposed wound,
And loss of urine, in a swound ; 920
In haste he snatch'd the wooden limb,
That hurt in th' ankle lay by him.
And fitting it for sudden fight.
Straight drew it up, t'attack the Knight,
For getting up on stump and buckle, 925
He with the foe began to buckle.
Vowing to be reveng'd for breach
Of crowd and shin upon the wretch,
Sole author of all detriment
He and his fiddle underwent. 930
But Ralpho, who had now begun
T' adventure resurrectiont
From heavy squelch, and had got up
* Bishop Warburton remarks on this line, that, during the
^ivil wars, it was the usual way for those of either party, at a
aistressful juncture, to coine to the liing or parliament with some
unreasonable demands, and if they were not complied \vith, to
throw up their commissions, and go over to the opposite side :
pretending that they could not in honor serve any longer un-
der such unsoldier-like indignities. Those unhappy times af-
forded many instances of the kind, in Huny, iVIiddleton, Cooper,
&c., &c.
t His fear, that is, that which he feared.
i A ridicule on the sectaries, who were fond of using Scrip>
ture phrases.
118 HUDIBRAS. [Parti
Upon his legs with sprained crup,
Looking about beheld the bard 935
To charge the Knight entranc'd prepar'd,
He snatch'd his whiniard up, that fled
When he was falling ofl:' his steed,
As rats do from a falling house,
To hide itself from rage of blows ; 940
And wing'd with speed and fury llew
To rescue Knight from black and blue.
Which ere he could atchieve, his sconce
The leg encounter'd twice and once ;*
And now 'twas raised, to smite agen, 945
When Ralpho thrust himself between ;
He took the blow upon his arm,
To shield the Knight from further harm ;
And joining wrath with force, bestow'd
O' th' wooden member such a load, 950
That down it fell, and with it bore
Crowdero, whom it propp'd before.
To him the Squire right nimbly run.
And setting his bold foot upon
His trunk, thus spoke : What desp'rate frenzy 955
Made thee, thou whelp of sin, to fancy
Thyself, and all that coward rabble,
T' encounter us in battle able?
How durst th', I say, oppose thy curship
'Gainst arms, authority, and worship, 960
And Hudibras, or me provoke.
Though all thy limbs were heart of oak,t
And th' other half of thee as good
To bear out blows as that of wood ?
Could not the whipping-post prevail 965
With all its rhet'ric, nor the jail.
To keep from flaying scourge thy skin,
And ankle free from iron gin?
Which now thou shalt — but first our care
Must see how Hudibras doth fare.t 970
This said, he gently rais'd the Knight,
* Thu^i Justice Silence, in Henry TV. Act v. " Who 1 1 I have
'' been merry twice and once ere now." And the witch in JUic-
beth. Act V. "Twice and once the hedge pig whin'd."
t Thus Hector braves Achilles.
ToS 6' eyi) avrio; cl^i, Kai el nvp] xtipaj ^oixtv,
Ei T*f)i xci'puf 'ioiKC, fitvos (5' (i'lSwK aiififiif.
Hoin. Iliad, lib. .\.x. 371.
{ Imitating Virgil's Quos ego — sed motes, &c.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 119
And set him on his bum upright :
To rouze him from lethargic dump,*
He tvveak'd his nose, with gentle thump
Knock'd on his breast, as if't had been 975
To raise the spirits lodg'd within.
They waken'd with the noise, did fly
From inward room, to window eye,
And gently op'ning lid, the casement,
Look'd out, but yet with some amazement. 980
This gladded Raipho much to see,
Who thus bespoke the Knight: quoth he,
Tweaking his nose, you are, great Sir,
A self-denying conqueror ;t
As high, victorious, and great, B85
As e'er fought for the Churches yet.
If you will give yourself but leave
To make out what y' already have ;
That's victory. The foe, for dread
Of your nine-worthiness, t is fled, 990
All, save Crowdero, for whose sake
You did th' espous'd cause undertake ;
And he lies pris'ner at yoiu' feet,
To be dispos'd as you think meet,
Either for life, or death, or sale, 995
The gallows, or perpetual jail ;
For one wink of your pow'rful eye
Must sentence him to live or die.
His fiddle is your proper purchase,
Won in the service of the Churches ; 1000
And by your doom must be allow'd
To be, or be no more, a Crowd :
For tho' success did not confer
Just title on the conqueror ;§
Tho' dispensations were not strong 1005
Conclusions, whether right or wrong ;
* Compare this with the situation of Hector, who was stunned
by a severe blow received from Ajax, and comforted by Apollo.
— IliH.l. XV. V. 240.
t Ridiciiling the self-denying ordinance, by which the mem-
bers of both houses were obliged to (Hiit theiremployments, both
civil and military; notwithstanding which Sir Samuel Luke was
continued governor of Newport I'agnel for some time.
% Thrice worthy is a common ;ippellation in romances; but,
in the opinion of the squire, would have been a title not equiva-
lent to the knighfs de?ert. See the History of the Nine Worthies
of the World ; and Fresnoy on Romances.
$ Success was pleaded by the Presbyterians as an evident
proof of the justice of their cause.
120 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Altho' out-goings did confirm *
And owning were but a mere term ;
Yet as the wicked have no right
To th' creature,! tho' usurped by might, lOlO
The property is in the saint,
From whom th' injuriously detain't ;
Of him they hold their luxuries.
Their dogs, their horses, whores, and dice,
Their riots, revels, masks, delights, ioi5
Pimps, bufFoons, fiddlers, parasites ;
All which the saints have title to.
And ought t' enjoy, if th' had their due.
What we take from them is no more
Than what was ours by right before ; lO'JO
For we are their true landlords still,
And they our tenants but at will.
At this the Knight began to rouse,
And by degrees grow valorous :
He star'd about, and seeing none i025
Of all his foes remain but one,
He snatch'd his weapon that lay near him.
And from the ground began to rear him.
Vowing to make Crowdero pay
For all the rest that ran away. 1030
But Ralpho now in colder blood.
His fury mildly thus withstood : ^
Great iSir, quoth he, your mighty spirit
Is rais'd too high ; this slave does merit
To be the hangman's bus'ness, sooner 1035
Than from your hand to have the honour
Of his destruction ; I that am
So much below in deed and name.
Did scorn to hurt his forfeit carcase,
Or ill entreat his fiddle or case : 1040
Will you, great Sir, that glory blot
In cold blood, which you gain'd in hot ?
Will you employ your conquering sword
To break a fiddle, and your word?
For tho' I fought and overcame, 1045
And quarter gave, 'twas in your name :
For great commanders always own
What's prosp'rous by the soldier done.
* In some editions we read, — did not confirm.
t It was a principle maintained by the Independents of those
days, that dominion was lininded in grace ; and, therefore, if a
man were not a saint, or a godly man, he cculd have no right to
any lacds or chattels.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 121
To save, where you have pow'r to kill,
Argues your pow'r above your will ; 1050
And that your will and pow'r have less
Than both might have of selfishness,
This pow'r which now alive, with dread
He trembles at, if he were dead,
Would no more keep the slave in awe, 1055
Thau if you were a knight of straw ;
For death would then be his conqueror,
Not you, and free him from that terror.
If danger from his life accrue,
Or honour from his death to you, 1060
'Twere policy, and honour too,
To do as you resolv'd to do:
But, Sir, 'twou'd wrong your valour much.
To say it needs, or fears a crutch.
Great conqu'rors greater glory gain lOfiS
By foes in triumph led, than slain :
The laurels that adorn their brows
Are puH'd from living, not dead boughs.
And living foes ; the greatest fame
Of cripple slain can be but lame : 1070
One half of him's already slain,*
The other is not worth your pain ;
Th' honour can but on one side light,
As worship did, when y'wera dubb'd Knight.t
Wherefore I think it better far 1075
To keep him prisoner of war ;
And let him fast in bonds abide,
At court of justice to be try'd :
Where, if h' appear so bold or crafty,
There may be danger in his safety ;t 1080
* This reminds me of the supplication of a lame musician in
the Antiiology, p. 5, ed. H. Stepli.
Utjiav fiu TiQvriKe, to S'^niav Xifxii tXryx")
Xioadi/ ixn j3aat\cv, ixncriKdv {}fiiTovov.
t The honor of knighthood is conferred by the king's laying
his sword upon the person's shoulder, and saying, " Arise,
Sir ."
t Cromwell's speech in the case of Lord Capel may serve to
explain this line : he began with high encomiums of his merit,
capacity, and honor ; but when every one expected that he
would have voted to save his life, he told them that the question
before them was, whether they would preserve the greatest and
most dangerous enemy that the cause had 1 that he knew my
Lord Capel well, and knew him so firmly attached to the royal
interest, that he would never desert it, or acquiesce under any
establishment contrary to it.— Clarendon.
6
122 HUDIBRAS. [Part l
If any member there dislike
His face, or to his beard have pike ;*
Or if his death will save, or yield
Revenge or fright, it is reveal'd :
Tho' he has quarter, ne'ertheless ]085
Y' have pow'r to hang him when you please ;
This has been often done by some
Of our great conqu'rors, you know whom ;
And has by most of us been held
Wise justice, and to some reveal'd : ]09i)
For words and promises, that yoke
The conqueror, are quickly broke ;
Like Sampson's cuffs, tho' by his own
Direction and advice put on.
For if we should fight for the cause i095
By rules of military laws.
And only do what they call just,
The cause would quickly fall to dust.
This we among ourselves may speak ;
But to the wicked or the weak llOO
We must be cautious to declare
Perfection-truths, such as these are.t
* Doubtless, particular instances are here alluded to. It is
notorious that the lords and others were condemned or pardnned,
as their personal interests [frevailed more or less in the house.
A whimsical instance of mercy was the pardon indiilj;ed to Sir
John Owen, a Welsh centleman, who being tried, together with
the lords Capel, Holland, Loughborough, and others ; Ireton,
rather to insult the nobility than from any principle of compas-
sion, observed that much endeavor had been used to preserve
each of the lords, but here was a poor commoner, whom no one
had spoke for; he therefore moved that he might be pardoned
by the mere grace of the house. Sir John was a man of humor-
ous intrepidity ; when he, with the lords, was condemned to be
beheaded, he made his judges a low bow, and gave his humble
thanks ; at which a by-stander, surprised, asked him what he
meant ? To which the knight, with a broad oath, replied, that,
" It was a great honor to a poor gentleman of Wales to lose
'' his head with such noble lords, for, In truth, he was afraid they
'' would have hanged him." See Clarendon, Rushworth, White-
locke, and Pennant's Tour to Wales, in 1773, page 21)4. The
parliament was charged with setting aside the articles of capitu-
lation agreed to by its generals, and killing prisoners after qunrter
had been granted them, on pretence of a revelation that such a
one ought to die. See also the case of the surrender of Pen-
dennis castle.
t Truths revealed only to the perfect, or the initiated into the
higher mysteries.
i'diy^oiiai, Off (pffiii i<jTtv, Ikos, tKag iarc 6l6rj\ot.
[A line made up from the Fragments of Orpheus and the Hymn
to Apollo of Callimachus.]
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 133
This said, the high outrageous mettle
Of Knight began to cool and settle.
He lik'd the Squire's advice and soon 1105
Resolv'd to see the bus'ness done ;
And therefore charg'd him first to bind
Crowdero's hands on rump behind,
And to its former place, and use.
The wooden member to reduce ; 1110
But force it take an oath before,
Ne'er to bear arms against him more.*
Ralpho dispatch'd with speedy hasto,
And having ty'd Crowdero fast,
He gave Sir Knight the end of cord, 1J15
To lead the captive of his sword
In triumph, while the steeds he caught.
And them to further service brought.
The Squire, in state, rode on before,
And on his nut-brown whiniard bore 1120
Tlie trophy-fiddle and the case,
Plac'd on his shoulder like a mace.
The Knight himself did after ride,
Leading Crowdero by his side ;
And tow'd him, if he lagg'd behind, 1125
Like boat against the tide and wind.
Thus grave and solemn they march on,
Until quite thro' the town they'd gone •.
At further end of which there stands
An ancient castle, that commandst 1130
Th' adjacent parts: in all the fabrick
You shall not see one stone nor a brick,
But all of wood, by pow'rful spell
Of magic made impregnable:
There's neither iron bar nor gate, 1135
Portcullis, chain, nor bolt, nor grate ;
And yet men durance there abide.
In dungeon scarce three inches wide ;
Cromwell held, that the rules of justice were binding in or-
dinary cases, but in extraordinary ones mifiht be dispensed with.
See Burnet. Clarendon hath a 'similar observation; or Sir H.
Vane — that he was above ordinances.
* The poet makiiiK the wooden leg take an oath not to serve
again against his captor, is a ridicule on those who obliged their
prisoners to take an oath to that purpose. The prisoners taken
at Brentford were thus sworn, but Dr. Downing and Mr. Mar-
shall absolved them from this oath, and they immediately served
again in the parliament army.
t The stocks are here pictured as an enchanted castle, with
infinite wit and humor, and in the true spirit of burlesque poetry
V
124 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
With roof so low, that under it
They never stand, but lie or sit; 1140
And yet so foul, that whoso is in,
Is to the middle-leg in prison ;
In circle magical confin'd,
With walls of subtle air and wind,
Which none are able to break thorough, 1145
Until they're freed by head of borough.
Thither arriv'd, the advent'rous Knight
And bold Squire fi-om their steeds alight
At th' outward wall, near which there stands
A Bastile, built t'imprison hands ;* 1150
By strange enchantment made to fetter
The lesser parts, and free the greater :
For tho' the body may creep through.
The hands in great are fast enow :
And when a circle 'bout the wrist 1155
Is made by beadle exorcist,
The body feels the spur and switch.
As if 't were ridden post by witch,
At twenty miles an hour pace.
And yet ne'er stirs out of the place. 1160
On top of this there is a spire.
On which Sir Knight first bids the Squire
The fiddle, and its spoils, the case,t
In manner of a trophy, place.
That done they ope the trap-door gate, ii6N
And let Crowdero down thereat.
Crowdero making doleful face.
Like hermit poor in pensive place,t
To dungeon they the wretch commit,
And the survivor of his feet ; 1170
But th' other, that had broke the peace,
And head of knighthood, they release,
Tho' a delinquent false and forged.
Yet b'ing a stranger he's enlarged ;§
* A description of the whipping-post,
t Suppose we read,
His spoils, the fiddle and the case.
X This was the beginning of a love-song, in great vogue about
the year 1650.
$ Dr. Grey supposes, very justly, that this may allude to the
case of Sir Bernard Gascoign, who was condemned at Colchester
with Sir Charles Lucas and Sir Georae Lisle, but respited from
execution on account of his being an Italian, and a person of
some interest in his own country. See Lord Clarendon's His-
tory, vol. iii., p. 137.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 125
While his comrade, that did no hurt, 1175
Is clapp'd up fast in prison for't :
So justice, while she winks at crimes,
Stumbles on innocence sometimes.*
* Dat veniam corvis, vexat censura columbas.
Juv. ii., 1. 63.
The plays and poems of this date commonly ended with a
moral reflection
PART I. CANTO III.
THE ARGUMENT.*
The scatter'd rout return and rally,
Surround the place ; the Knight does sally,
And is made pris'ner : then they seize
Th' enchanted fort by storm, release
Crowdero, and put the Squire iu's place ;
I should have first said Hudibras.
* The Author follows the example of Spenser, and the Italian
poets, in the division of his worlt into parts and cantos. Spenser
contents himself with a short title to each division, as "The
Legend of Temperance," and the like. Butler more fully ac-
quaints his readers what they are to expect, by an argument in
the same style with the poem; and frequently convinces them,
that he knew how to enliven so dry a thing as a summary.
Neither Virgil, Ovid, nor Statius wrote arguments in verse to
their respective poems ; but critics and grammarians have taken
the pains to do it for them.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO III.
Ay me ! what perils do environ
Tlie man that meddles with cold iron !*j
What plaguy mischiefs and mishaps
Do dog him still with after claps !
For tho' dame Fortune seem to smile,t 5
And leer upon him for a while,
She'll after shew him, in the nick
Of all his glories, a dog-trick.
This any man may sing or say
r th' ditty caird. What if a day ?t 10
For Hudibras, who thought he 'ad won
The field as certain as a gun,
* A parody on the verses in Spenser's Fairy Clueen :
Ay me, how many perils do enfold
The virtuous man to make him daily fall.
These two lines are hecome a kind of proverbial expression,
partly owing to the moral reflection, and partly to the jingle of
the double rhyme: they are applied sometimes to a man innr-
tally wounded with a sword, and sometimes to a lady who pricks
her finger with a needle. Butler, in his MS. Common-place
Book, on this passage, observes : "Cold iron in Greenland burns
as grievously as hot." Some editions read, " Ah me," from the
Belgic or Teutonic.
t Oij fitv iiiuiaiv, on o' a(j>aipUTai tvxV-
To Trji TVxv; "^oi \ktTa^o\ai iruAAuj ?X"
ili TTOiKiXov TTQayii' is-i Kal ttAu'cov TVXI
Brunck. Gnom. Poet. p. 242.
Fortuna ssevo la;ta negotio, et
Ludum insolenteiii ludere pertinax,
Transmutat incertos honores,
JS'unc mihi, nunc alii beniana.
Hor. Carm. lib. iii. 29, 1. 49
% An old ballad, which begins ;
What if a day, or a month, or a year
Crown thy delights.
With a thousand wish't contentings !
Cannot the chance of a night or an hotjr,
Cross thy delights.
With as many sad tormentings t
128 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
And having routed the whole troop,
^^ith victory was cock-a-hoop ;*
Thinking he 'ad done enough to purchase 15
Thanksgiving-day among the churches,
Wherein his mettle and brave worth
Might be explain'd by holder-forth.
And register'd by fame eternal,
\In deathless pages of diurnal ;t 20
Found in few minutes, to his cost.
He did but count without his host ;
And that a turn-stile is more certain
Than, in events of war, Dame Fortune.
For now the late faint-hearted rout, 25
' O'erthrown and scatter'd round about,
Chas'd by the horror of their fear,
From bloody fray of Knight and Bear,
All but the dogs, who, in pursuit
Of the Knight's victory, stood to't, 30
And most ignobly sought to get
The honour of his blood and sweat,t
Seeing the coast was free and clear
O' the conquer'd and the conqueror.
Took heart again, and fac'd about, 35
As if they meant to stand it out :
For now the half defeated bear,
Attack'd by th' enemy i' th' rear,
Finding their number grew too great
For him to make a safe retreat, 40
Like a bold chieftain fac'd about ;
But wisely doubting to hold out,
Gave way to fortune and with haste
Fac'd the proud foe, and fled, and fac'd.
Retiring still, until he found 45
H' ad got the advantage of the ground ;
And then as valiantly made head
To check the foe, and forthwith fled.
* This crowing or rejoicing. Coclj-on-hoop signifies extrava-
gance: the cock drawn out of a barrel, and laid upon the hoop,
while the liquor runs to waste, is a proper emblem of inconsid-
erate conduct.
t The gazettes or newspapers, on the side of the parliament,
were published daily, and called Diurnals. See Cleveland's
character of a diurnal-riiaker.
t An allusion to the complaint of the Presbyterian comman-
ders against the Independents, when the self-denying ordinance
had brought in these and excluded the otliers. Botli Butler and
Milton complain of not receiving satisfaction and reward for
their labor and expenses. This looks as if our poet had an alle-
gorical view in some of his characters and passages.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 129
Leaving no art untiy'd, nor trick
Of warrior stout and politic, 50
Until, in spite of hot pursuit,
He gain'd a pass, to hold dispute
On better terms, and stop the course
Of the proud foe. With all his force
He bravely charg'd, and for a while 55
Forc'd their whole body to recoil ;
But still their numbers so increas'd,
He found himself at length oppress'd,
And all evasions so uncertain
To save himself for better fortune, 60
That he resolv'd, rather than yield,
To die with honour in the field,
And sell his hide and carcase at
A price as high and desperate
As e'er he could. This resolution 65
He forthwith put in execution,
And bravely threw himself among
Th' enemy i' th' greatest throng ;
But what could single valour do
Against so numerous a foe ? 70
Yet much he did, indeed too much
To be believ'd, where th' odds were such ;
But one against a multitude,
Is more than mortal can make good :
For while one party he oppos'd 75
His rear was suddenly enclos'd,
And no room left him for retreat,
Or fight against a foe so great.
For now the mastives, charging home,
To blows and handy-gripes were come ; 80
While manfully himself ho bore,
And, setting his right foot before,
He rais'd himself to show how tall
His person was above them all.
This equal shame and envy stirr'd 85
In th' enemy, that one should beard
So many warriors, and so stout,
As he had done, and stav'd it out,
Disdaining to lay down his arms,
And yield on honourable terms. 90
Enraged thus some in the rear
Attack'd him, and some every where,*
* Thus Spenser in his Fairy Queen :
Like dastcird curs, that having at a bay
The savage beast, eniboss'd in weary chase,
6*
130 HUDIBRAS. [Part u
Till down he fell ; yet falling fought,
And, being down still laid about ;
As Widdrington, in doleful dumps, 95
Is said to fight upon his stumps.*
But all, alas ! had been in vain,
And he inevitably slain.
If TruUa and Cerdon, in the nick,
To rescue him had not been quick : 100
For TruUa, who was light of foot.
As shafts which long-field Parthians shoot,t
But not so light as to be borne
Upon the ears of standing corn,t
Dare not adventure on the stubborn prey,
Ne bite before, but ronie from place to place
To get a snatch, when turned Is his face.
* In the famous song of Chevy-chase :
For Witherington needs must I wail.
As one in doleful dumps.
For when his legs were smitten of
He fought upon his stumps.
The battle of Chevy-chase, or Otterbourne, on the borders of
Scotland, was fought on St. Oswald's day, August 5, 1388, be-
tween the families of Percy and Douglas — the song was proba-
bly wrote much after that time, though long before 1588, as
Hearne supposes. — The sense of the stanza is, I, as one in dole-
ful dumps (deep concern) must lament Witherington.
In the old copy of the ballad, the lines run thus :
For Wetharryngton my harte was wo
That ever he sUiyne shulde be
For when both his leggis weare hewyne in to
He knyled and fought upon his kne.
t Bishop Warburton offers an amendment here, which im-
proves the sense, viz. longfiled, or drawn up in long ranks. But
as all the editions read long-field, I was luiwilling to alter it.
Perhaps the poet may be justified in the use of this epithet, from
the account which Trogus gives of the Parthians. He says,
"they were banished, and vagabond Scythians; their name, in
" the Scythian language, signifying banished. They settled in
" the deserts near Hyrcania; and spread themselves over vast
"open fields and wide champaigns — 'inuiiensaac profunda cam-
" ' l)iirurii.' They are continually on horseback: They fight,
" consult, and transact all their business on horseback." Justin,
lib. xli.
[Bishop Warburton and Mr. Nash are wide afield of their
mark here. Lonir-field is a term of archery, and a long-fielder is
still a hero at a cricket match.]
X Alluding to Camilla, whose speed is hyperbolically described
by Virgil, at the end of the seventh ^Eneid:
Ilia vel intactae segetis per summa volaret
Gramina, ncc teneras cursu laisisset aristas :
Vel mare per medium fluctu suspensa tumenti,
Ferret iter, celeres nee tingeret tequore plantas.
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 131
Or trip it o'er the water quicker 105
Thau witches, when th.eir staves they liquor,*
As some report, was got among
The foremost of the martial throng ;
Where pitying the vanquish'd bear.
She called to Cerdon, who stood near, 110
Viewing the bloody fight ; to whom,
Shall we, quoth she, stand still hum-drum,
And see stout bruin, all alone.
By numbers basely overthrown ?
Such feats already he'as atchiev'd, 1'5
In story not to be believ'd.
And 'twould to us be shame enough,
Not to attempt to fetch liim off.
I would, quoth he, venture a limb
To second thee, and rescue him : 120
Bat then we must about it straight,
Or else our aid will come too late:
Quarter he scorns, he is so stout,
And therefore cannot long hold out.
This said, they wav'd their weapons round 125
About their heads, to clear the ground ;
And joining forces, laid about
So fiercely, that th' amazed rout
Turn'd tail again, and straight begun.
As if the devil drove, to run. 130
Meanwhile th' approached th' place where bruin
Was now engag'd to mortal ruin :
The conqu'ring foe they soon assail'd ;
First Trulla stav'd and Cerdon tail'djt
Until their mastives loos'd their hold : 135
And yet, alas ! do what they could,
Tiie worsted bear came off with store
Of bloody wounds, but all before :
For as Achilles, dipt in pond.
Was anabaptiz'd free from wound, 140
Made proof against dead-doing steel
All over, but the pagan heel ;t
So did our champion's arms defend
All of him but the other end,
* Witches are said to ride upon broomsticks, and to liquor, or
grease them, that thev may go faster.
t Trulla put her staff between the dogs and the bear, in order
to part them ; and Cerdon drew the dogs away by their tails.
X This is the true spirit of t)urlesque; as the analiaptists, by
their dipping, were made free from sin. so was Achilles by the
same operation performed by his mother Thetis, rendered free
from wounds.
132 HUDIBRAS. [P*RT i
His head and cars, whicli in the martial 145
EncoLinter lost a leathern parcel ;
For as an Austrian archduke once
Had one ear, which in ducatoons
Is half the coin, in battle par'd
Close to his head,* so bruin far'd ; 150
But tugg'd and pull'd on th' other side,
Like scriv.'ner newly crucify'd :t
Or like the late-corrected leathern
Ears of the circumcised brethren.^
But gentle Trulla into th' ring 155
He wore in's nose convey'd a string,
With which she march'd before, and 1-ed
The warrior to a grassy bed,
As authors write, in a cool shade,
* Allien, archduke of Austria, brother to the emperor Rodolph
the Second, had one of his ears grazed by a spear, when he had
taitea olT his heUnet, and was endeavoring to riilly his soldiers,
in an enati^eineiU with Prince Maurice of Nassau, ann. 1598.
We read, in an ancient song, of a difierent duke of that family :
Richard Coeur de Lion erst king of this land,
He the lion gored with his naked hand ;
The false duke of Austria nolhing did he fear.
But his son he kill'd with a box on the ear
Besides his famous acts done in the holy land.
A ducatoon is the half of a ducat. Before the invention of
milling, coins were frequently cut into parts : thus, there were
quarter-ducats, and two-thirds of a ducat.
t In those days lawyers or scriveners, if guilty of dishonest
practices, were sentenced to lose their ears. In modern times
they seldom are so punished.
t Prynne, Bastwick, and Burton, stood in the pillory, and had
their ears cut off, by order of the Star-Chamber, in 1637, for
writing seditions libels. They were banished into remote parts
of the kingdom; but recalled by the parliament in 1640. At
their return the i)opulace sliowed them every respect. They
were met, near London, by ten thousand persons, who carried
boughs and tiowers. The members of the Star-cha oilier, con-
cerned in punishing them, were lined in tire sum of 4UU0/. for
each.
Prynne was a noted lawyer. He had been once pilloried be-
fore ; and now lost the remainder of his ears : tliough, in Lord
Strafford's Letters, it is said they were sewed on again, and
grew as well as ever. His publication was a pamphlet entitled,
News from Ipswich. See Epistle of Hudibras toSidrophel, 1. 13.
Bastwick was a physician. He wrote a pamphlet, in elegant
Latin, called Flagellum Episcoporum. He was the author, too,
of a silly litany, full of abuse.
Burton, minister of St. Matthew's, in Friday-street, London,
preached a sermon, Nov. 5, entitled, God and the king. This he
printed ; and, being questioned about it, he defended it, enlarged,
and dedicated it to the king himself. After his discharge, he
preached and printed another sermon, entitled. The Protestation
protested.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS 133
Whicli eglantine and roses made : 160
Close by a softly inurm'ring stream,
Where lovers used to loll and dream :*
There leaving him to his repose,
Secured from pursuit of foes,
And wanting nothing but a song.t 165
And a well-tiui'd theorbo hung
Upon a bough, to ease the pain
His tngg'd ears sutfer'd, witii a strain.!
They both drew up, to march in quest
Of his great leader, and the rest. 170
For Orsin, who was more renown'd
For stout maintaining of iiis ground
In standing fights, than for pursuit,
As being not so quick of foot,§
Was not long able to keep pace .75
With others that pursu'd the chase.
But found himself left far behind,
Both out of heart and out of wind ;
Griev'd to behold his bear pursu'd
So basely by a multitude, 180
And like to fall, not by the prowess,
But numbers, of his cov/ard foes.
He rag'd, and kept as heavy a coil as
Stout Hercules for loss of Hylas ;
Forcing the vallies to repeat 185
The accents of his sad regret :|1
* Et fotiuii preiiiio Dca tollit in altos
Idalitu lucos, iibi iiiulli:? aiiiaraciis ilium
Floribu.s, et duici uspiraiis aiiiplectiuir umbra.
Virgil, .^neid i. 692.
And Johannes Secundus, Eleg. Cum Venus Ascanium.
Mr. Isutler frequently gives us specimens of poetical imagery,
which lead us lo believe that he might have ranked with the
tirst class of elegant writers.
t This is a banter upon some of the romance writers of those
days. '
i In Grey's edition it is thus pointed:
Ftis tugg'd ears sufter'd; with a strain
They botli drew up —
Cut I should rather suppose the poet meant a well-tuned
theorbo, to ease the pain with a strain, that is, with music and a
song.
^ Thus Ajax is described by Homer :
dvi' uv 'A;^iXA7)( prj^/jvopi xwp/Jcfitv,
"^p Y aiiTu^'ahiri' iroal 6' ourruj iarlv ipi^eiv.
II. xiii. 324.
II Hercules, when he bewails the loss of Hylas :
Volat ordine nullo
Cuncta petens ; nunc ad ripas, dejectaque saxis
134 HUDIBRAS [Part i
Ho beat his breast, and tore his hair,
For loss of his dear croiij' bear ;
Fliunina ; nunc notas nemorum procurrit ad umbras ;
Rursus Ilykui, et rursus Hylan per longa reclaiiiat
Avia : responsant silvu;, et vaga ceitat iina^o.
Val. Flac. Argon, iii. 593.
TpU litv YXav aiasv oaov BaOv; ijpvyc Xai/iuf,
Tpii fS ap' b TTuli vixdKovijti'' dpaiu 6' ikcto (pmvu
'E^ v6aTos. Tiieocrilu-s, l(iyl. xiii. ."JS.
Echoes have frequently been employed by the poets. Mr.
Biulcr ridicules this lal-e kind of wit, uiul (irudiices answers
which are sufficiently wliinisical. 'J'he learned Enisnius com-
posed a dialogue upon this subject: his Echo seems to have
been an extraordinary linguist; for she answers ihe person,
with whom she converse^, in Litin, Greek, and Hebrew.
"The conceit of making Echo talk sensibly," says Mr. .-Vddison,
Spectator, A'o. 5i), "and give rational answers, if it could be
•'excusable In any writer, would be so In Uviil, where he inlro-
"duces Echo as a nymph, before she was worn away into
" nothing but a voice. The |)assagc relating her conversation
" with Narcissus is very ingenious :
Forte puer, comitum seductus ab agmine fido,
Dlxerat, Ecquis adest? et Adest, responderat Echo.
Hie stupet; utquc aciem partes divisit in omnes ;
Voce, Veni, claurdt magna. V'ocat ilia vocanteni.
Respicit : et nnllo rursus veniente, Cinid, iniiuil,
Me fugis ? et totidem, quot dixit, verba recepit
Perstat; et alternte deceptus imagine vocis
Hue coeanuis, ail; nullique libenlius unquam
Responsura sono, Coeamus, retulit Echo.
Metamorph. iii. 3T9.
A friend of ufiiie, who boasted much of his i)ark and gardens
in Ireland, among other curiosities mentioned an extraordinary
Echo, that would return answers to any thing which w;ts said.
Ofwbdtkind! — incpiired a gentleman present. Why, says he,
if I call out loud, How do you do, Cuaner ! the Echo immediately
answers, Very well, thank you, sir.
Hloiit Hercules for loss uf Hijlas ; — Euripides, in his An-
dromeda, a tr.igedy now lost, had a scene of this kind, which
Aristophanes makes sport with in his l-'east of Ceres.
In the Anthologia, lib. iii. (i, is au epigram of Ijeonidas, and
in the 4th book are six lines by Guaradas. See Brunck's Ana-
locta, vol. ii.
a A;:^(j (pi\a ptoi triiy/carauEo'iii' ri. — ji ri ;
a Epu Kooi'a/cnf a Of'//' oil ipiXu. — /j ipiXu.
a npufui 0 h Katpbi Katpov uv (pipit — fi <pipci.
a Tu Toivvv avriji Af'^uv ilis epoi. — /i ipd.
a Kai TTicTii' liVTj Ktpudriav rii 66^. — 0 ru ids'
a Ax^j "' AoiTrii', rj rrdSs rvx^tv, — /J rvxc^v.
Echo! I love, advise me somewhat: — What 7
Does Cloe's heart incline to love ? — To love, &c.
Martial ridicules the Litin authors of his time for this false
wit, and promises that none shall be founil in his writings.
The early French poets have f.iUen into this puerility. Joachim
de Bellay has an Echo of this kind, a few lines of which I will
transcribe :
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 135
That Echo, from the hollow ground,
His doleful wailings did resound 190
More wistfully, by many times.
Than in small poets' splay-foot rhymes,
That make her, in their ruthful stories,
To answer to int'rogatories,
And most unconscionably depose 195
To things of which she nothing knows ;
And when she has said all slie can say,
'Tis wrested to the lover's fancy.
Quoth he, O whither, wicked Bruin,
Art tliou fled to my — Echo, ruin. 20U
I thought th' hadst scorn'd to budge a step,
For fear. Quoth Echo, Marry guep*
Am not I here to take thy part ? ,
Then what has quail'd thy stubborn heart If
Have these bones rattled, and this head 205
So often in thy quarrel bled ?
Nor did I ever wince or grudge it,
For thy dear sake. Quoth she. Mum hudget.X
Think'st thou 'twill not be laid i' th' dish§
Thou turu'dst thy back ? Quoth Echo, Pish. 210
To run from those th' hadst overcome
Thus cowardly ? Quoth Echo, Mum.
But what a-vengeance makes thee fly
From me too, as thine enemy ?
Or, if thou hast no thought of me, 215
Nor what I have endur'd for thee,
Yet shame and honour might prevail
Qui est I'auteur de ces maux avenus 7 — Venus.
Qu'elois-je avant d'entrer en ce passage 1 — Sage.
Uu'est-Xe qu'aimer et se plaindre souvent 1— Vent.
Dis-moi quelle est celle pour qui j'cndure7— Dure.
Sent-elle bien l.i douleur qui me point 7 — Point.
* A sort of imprecation of Mary come up, praying the Virgin
Mary to help; though some derive it olhervvise. See Bishop
Percy's Rellques of^Ancient Poetry, and v. 16 of the Wanton
Wife of Bath.
t quail, to cause to shrink, or faint; from A. S. cwealm, mors,
cvvellrin, occidere. A qualm, deliquium animi, brevior mors.
The word is frequently u-:ed in ancient songs and ballads,
t A term denoting silence.
[I come to her in white, and cry mum ; and she cries budget;
and by that we know o!ie another.— Merry Wivfes, Act v. sc.'J.]
§ [To lay in one's dish, to object a thing to a person, to make
it an accusation against him.
Last night you lay it. madam, in our dish.
How that a maid of ours (whom me must check)
Had broke your bitches leg.
Sir John Harr. Epigr. i. 37.J
136 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
To keep thee thus from turning tail :
For who would grutch to spend his blood in
His honour's cause ? Quoth she, a Piiddin. 220
This said, his grief to anger turn'd.
Which in his manly stomach burn'd ;
Thirst of revenge, and wrath, in place
Of sorrow, now began to blaze.
He vow'd the authors of his woe 225
Should equal vengeance undergo ;
And with their bones and flesh pay deai
For what he sufFer'd and his bear.
This b'ing resolv'd, with equal speed
And rage, he hasted to proceed 230
To action straight, and giving o'er
To search for bruin any more,
He went in quest of Hudibras,
To find him out, where'er he was ;
And if he were above ground, vow'd 235
He'd ferret him, lurk where he wou'd.
But scarce had he a furlong on
This resolute adventure gone,
When he encounter'd with that crew
Whom Hudibras did late subdue. 240
Honour, revenge, contempt, and shame,
Did equally their breasts inflame.
'Mong these the fierce Magnano was,
And Talgol, foe to Hudibras :
Cerdon and Colon, warriors stout, 245
And resolute, as ever fought ;
Whom furious Orsin thus bespoke :
Shall we, quoth he, thus basely brook
The vile affront that paltry ass,
And feeble scoundrel, Hudibras, 250
With that more paltry ragamuffin,
Kalpho, witii vaporing and huffing,
Have put upon us, like tame cattle.
As if th' had routed us in battle ?
For my part it shall ne'er be said 255
I for the washing gave my head :*
* Thitt is, behaved cowardly, or surrendered at discretion •
jeering obliquely perhaps at the anabaptistical notions of Ralpho.
— Hoolier, or Vowler, in his description of Exeter, vvrilten about
1584, speaking of the par-nn of St. Thomas, who was hanfied
during the siege, says, "he was a stout iiian, who would not
'give his head for the polling, nor his beard for the washing."
Grry gives an apt quotiition from Cupid's Revenge, by Beauinonl
and Fletcher, Act iv.
l$t Citizen It holds, he dies this morning.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS 137
Nor did I turn my back for fear
Of them, but losing of my bear,
Which now I'm like to undergo ;
For whether these fell wounds, or no, 260
He has receiv'd in fight, are mortal,
Is more than all my skill can foretel ;
Nor do I know what is become
Of him, more than the Pope of Rome*
But if I can but find them out 265
That caus'd it, as I shall no doubt,
Where'er th' in hugger-mugger lurk,t
I'll make them rue their handiwork,
And wish that they had rather dar'd
To pull the devil by the beard.t 270
Quoth Cerdon, noble Orsin, th' hast
Great reason to do as thou say'st.
And so has ev'ry body here.
As well as thou hast, or thy bear:
Others may do as they see good ; 275
But if this twig be made of wood
Tliat will hold tack, I'll make the fur
Fly 'bout the ears of that old cur.
And th' other mongrel vermin, Ralph,
That brav'd us all in his behalf. 280
Thy bear is safe, and out of peril, V
Tho' lugg'd indeed, and wounded very ill ;
Myself and Trulla made a shift
To help him out at a dead lift ;
And having brought him bravely off, 285
Have left him where he's safe enough :
There let him rest ; for if we stay,
The slaves may hap to get away.
This said, they all engag'd to join
Their forces in the same design> 290
And forthwith put themselves, in search
Of Hudibras, upon their march :
Where leave we them awhile, to tell
What the victorious knight befell ;
2d Citizen. Then )iappy man be his fortune.
Ist Citizeii. And so am I and forty more good fellows, that
will ndlg-ive their beads for the washing.
* This common sayin;; is a sneer at the Pope's infallibility.
t [In secrecy or concealment.
and we have done but greenly
In hvgger-mugger to inter him. Hamlet, iv. 5.]
X A proverbial expression used for any bold or daring enter-
prise : so we say, To lake a lion by the l)eard. The Spaniards
deemed it an unpardonable aftVont to be pulled by the beard.
138 HUDIBRAS. [Parti.
For such, Crowdero being fast 295
In dungeon shut, we left liini last.
Triurnpliant laurels seem'd to grow
Nowhere so green as on his brow ;
Laden with which, as well as tir'd
With conqn'ring toil, he now retir'd 300
Unto a neiglib'ring castle by.
To rest his body, and apply
Fit nied'cines to each glorious bruise
He'd got in fight, reds, blacks, and blues ;
To mollify th' uneasy pang 305
Of cv'ry honourable bang.
Which b'ing by skilful midwife drest,
He laid him down to take his rest.
But all in vain : he 'ad got a hurt
O' th' inside, of a deadlier sort, 310
By Cupid made, wlio took his stand
Upon a widow's jointure-land,*
For he, in all his am'rous battles,
No 'dvantage finds like goods and chattels.
Drew home his bow, and aiming right, 315
Let fly an arrow at the Knight ;
The shaft against a rib did glance,
And gall'd him in the purtenance ;t
But time had somewhat 'swag'd his pain,
After he had found his suit in vain : 320
For that proud dame, for whom his soul
Was burnt iu's belly like a coal,
That belly that so oft' did ake,
And suffer griping for her sake.
Till purging comfits, and ant's eggst 325
Had almost brought him off his legs, —
* Stable-stand is a term of the forest laws, and sifrnifies a
place under some convenient cover, where a deer-steuler fixes
himself, and keeps watch for the purpose of killini; deer as they
pass by. From the place it came also to lie applied to the per-
son ; and any man taken in the forest in that situation, with a
gun or bow, was presumed to be an offender, and had the name
of a Stable-stand. From a note by Hanmer on Shakspeare's
Winter's Tale, Act ii. sc. 1. The widow is supposed to have
been Mrs. Tonison, who had a jointure of 200/. a year.
t .\ ludicrous name for the knight's heart: taken, probably,
from a calf's or lamb's head and purtenance, as it is vulgarly
called, instead of appurtenance, which, among other entrails,
contains the lieart.
+ Ants' e^'-is were supposed, by some, to be great antidotes to
love passions.* 1 cannot divine what are the medical qualities
* V.irum eqiiitlcm miror formicnrum hac in parte potentiam, quiim qiiamor
'.allium in pulu sumplas, uiniiem Veneris, ac cui^uiidl puietitiam aulerre traiiit
Bruiii'cl&ius.
Canto iii.l HUDIBRAS. 139
' Us'd him so like a base rascallion,
i That old Pyg — what d' y' call him — malion,
' That cut his mistress out of stone,*
Had not so hard a hearted one. 330
She had a thousand jadish tricks,
Worse than a mule that flings and kicks ;
'Mong which one cross-grain'd freak she had,
As insolent as strange and mad ;
She could love none but only such 335
As scorn'd and hated her as much.t
'Twas a strange riddle of a lady ;
Not love, if any lov'd her : ha-day \t
of them. Palladius, de re rustica. 29. 2, directs ants' efr^s to be
given to young pheasants. — Plutarch, ii. 928, and ii. 974, says
that bears, when they are sick, cure themselves by swallowing
ants. Frosted caraway seeds (common sugar plums) are not
unlike ants' eggs.
* Pymnalion, as the inylhcjlogists say, fell in love with a
statue of his own carving ; and Venus, to gratify him, turned it
into a living woman.
The truth of the story is supposed to be, that he had a very
beautiful wife, whose skin far surpassed the whiteness of ivory.
Or it may mean, to show the painter's or statuary's vanity, and
extreme fondness of his own performance. See Fr. Junius, in
Catalog. Architect. Pictor. Staluarior. &c., pp. 188, 1()3. Stone,
instead of ivory, that the widow's hard heart, v. 330, might be
the nearer resembled: so brazen, for stone, iu Pope's description
of Gibber's brothers in the Dunciad, i. 32, that the resemblance
between him and them might be the stronger. So in our poet a
goose, instead of some more considerable fowl, is described with
talons, only because Iludibras was to be compared to a fowl
with such : but niajdng a goose have talons, ai.d Iludibras like
a goose, to which wise animal he had before compared a jus-
tice, P. i. c. i. V. 75, heightens the ridicule. See P. i. c. iii. v.
525.
If the reader loves a punning epitaph, let him peruse the fol-
lowing, on a youth who died for love of Molly Stone ;
(, Molle fuit saxum, saxum, O ! si JMolle fuisset,\ QtJ».''t^^' •
' Non foret hie subter, sed super esset ei. J /
t Such a capricious kind of love is described by Horace :
Satires, book i. ii. 105.
Ijeporem venator ut alta
In nive secfcttur, positum sic tan^ere nolit :
Cantat et apponit : nieit-; est amor huic siniilis ; nam
Transvolat in medio posita, et fugientia capiat.
Nearly a translation of the eleventh epigram of CallimacUus,
which ends,
j(bifioi tpu; ToidsSf ra fih' (pc'vyovra SidKetv
otic, TO. i' IV ixiacij) Kt.ifxs.va Tra^viraTat.
i In the editi(m of lt)78 it is Hey-day, but either may stand,
as they both signify a mark of admiration. See Skinner and
Junius.
140 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
So cowards never use their might,
But against such as will uot fight. 340
So some diseases have been foimd
Only to seize upon the sound.*
He that gets her by heart, must say her
The back-way, like a witch's prayer.
Meanwhile the Knight had no small task 345
To compass what he dur.st not ask :
He loves, but dares not make the motion ;
\/ Her ignorance is his devotion :t
Like caitiff vile, that for misdeed
Rides with his face to rump of steed ;t 350
Or rowing scull he's fain to love,
Look one way, and another move ;
Or like a tumbler that does play ,
His game, and looks another way,§
Until he seize upon the coney ; 355
Just so does he by matrimony,
But all in vain : her subtle snout
Did quickly wind his meaning out ;
Which she return'd with too much scorn
To be by man of honour born ; 360
* It is common for horses, as well as men, to be afflicted
'• with sciatica, or rheumatism, to a great decree for weeks to-
" gether, and when they once get clear of the tit," as we term
it, " have perliaps never heard any more of it while they lived:
" for these distempers, with some others, called salutary distem-
" pers, seldom or never seize upon an unsound body." See
Bracken's I'^irriery Improved, ii. 4G. Tiie meaning, then, from
V. 338, is this: As the widow loved none that were disposed to
love her, so cowards fight witli none that are disposed to fight
with them : so some diseases seize upon none that are already
distempered, and in appearance proper subjects for them, but
upon th<ise only who, through the firmness of their constitution,
seem least disposed for such attacks.
t That is, her ignorance of his love makes him adore and
pursue her with greater ardor: but the poet here means to ban-
ter the p:ipists, who deny to the conunon people the use of the
bible or prayer-book in the vulgar tongue : hence they are
charged with asserting, that ignorance is the mother of devo-
tion.
X Dr. Grey supposes this may allude to five members of the
army, who, on the Rth of ISIarch, 1048, were forced to undergo
this punishment, for petitioning the Eump for relief of the op-
pressed coma ion wealth.
% A sort of dog, that rolls himself in a heap, and tumbles over,
disguising his shape and motion, till he is within reach of his
giune. This dog is called by the Latins Vertagus. See Caius
de canibus Britannicis, and Martial, lib. xiv. Epig. 200.
Non sibi, sed domino venatur vertagus acer,
Illffisuni leporein qui tibi dente feret.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 141
Yet much he bore, until the distress
He sufFer'd from his spightful mistress
Did stir his stomach, and the pain
He had endnr'd from her disdain
Turn'd to regret so resoUite, 365
That he resolv'd to wave his suit,
And either to renounce her quite,
Or for a while play least in sight.
This resolution b'ing put on,
^^*''' He, kept some months, and more had done, 370
But being brought so nigh by fate,
Tiie vict'ry he achiev'd so late
Did set his thoughts agog, and ope
A door to discontinu'd hope,*
That seem'd to promise he might win 375
His dame too, now his hand was in ;
And that his valour, and the honour
He 'ad newly gain'd, might work upon her :
These reasons made his mouth to water,
With am'rous longings, to be at her. 380
Thought he unto himself, who knows
But this brave conquest o'er my foes
May reach her heart, and make that stoop,
As I but now have forc'd the troop ?
If nothing can oppugneJove,t 385
/ And virtue invious ways can prove,!
What may not he confide to do
That brings both love and virtue too ?
But thou bring'st valour too, and wit.
Two things that seldom fail to hit. 390
< Valour's a mouse-trap, wit a gin, \
' Which women oft' are taken in :§
Then, Hudibras, vi'hy sliould'st thou fear
To be, that art a conqueror?
Fortune the audacious doth juvare, 395
But let's the timidonsH miscarry :
Then, while the honor thou hast got
Is spick and span new, piping hot,
* One of the canting phrases used by the sectaries,
■f Read oppugnci, to make three syllables.
J Virtus, recludens imnierilis mori
Coeluni, negata tentat iter via.
Horat. Carin. lib. iii. 2.
$ We often see women captivated by a red coat, or a copy of
verses.
II Audaicovs. and timiilous. two words from audax and tiaud-
us ; the hero being in a latinizing humor.
142 HUDIBRAS [Part t
Strike her up bravely tlioii hadst best,
And trust thy fortiiiio witli the rest. 400
Such thouglits us these the Kniy^ht did keep
More than his bangs, or fleas, from sleep ;
And as an owl, that in a barn
Sees a mouse creeping in the corn.
Sits still, and shuts his round blue eyes, 405
As if he slept, until he spies
The little beast within his reach,
Then starts and seizes on the wretch ;
So from his couch the Knight did start.
To seize upon the widow's heart ; 410
Crying, with hasty tone and hoarse,
Ralpho, dispatch, to horse, to horse !
And 'twas but time ; for now the rout.
We left engag'd to seek him out.
By speedy marches were advanc'd 415
Up to the fort where he ensconc'd,*
And had the avenues all possest
About the place from east to west.
That done, awhile they made a halt.
To view the ground, and where t' assault ; 420
Then call'd a council, which was best.
By siege, or onslaught, to invest!
The enemy ; and 'twas agreed
By storm and onslaught to proceed.
Tills being resolv'd, in comely sort 425
They now drew up t' attack the fort ;
When liudibras, about to enter
Upon anothergates adventure, t
To Ralpho caird aloud to arm.
Not dreaming of approaching storm. 430
Whether dame fortune, or the care
Of angel bad, or tutelar.
Did arm, or thrust him on a danger,
To which he was an utter stranger.
That foresight might, or might not, blot 435
The glory lie had newly got ;
Or to his shame it might be said,
They took him napping in his bed :
* An ariny is said to he ensconced, when it is fortified o» de-
fended liy a ^niall ti)rtnr sconce.
t Onslaught, that is, a coup de main, a sudden storming, or
attacli.
i See Sanderson, p. 4T, tliird sermnn ad clerum. "If we be
"of the spiiiluuliiy, tliiTc should be in us anothergates mani-
'' fesliitioii of tlic spirit."
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 143
To them we leave it to expound,
That deal in sciences prot'oinid. 440
His courser scarce lie had bestrid, -
And Raipho that on which he rid,
V/hen setting ope the postern gate,
To take the field and sally at,
The foe appear'd, drawn up and drill'd,* 445
Ready to charge them in the field.
This somewhat startled tiie bold Knight,
Surpris"d with th' unexpected sight:
The bruises of his bones and fiesh
He thought began to smart afresh ; 450
Till recollecting wonted courage,
His fear was soon converted to rage,
And thus he spoke : The coward foe,
A\ tiom we but now gave quarter to.
Look, yonder's rally'd, and appears 155
As if they had outrun their fears;
Tlie glory we did lately get,
The Fates command us to repeat ;t
And to their wills we must succumb,
Quocunque trahunt, 'tis our doom. 460
This is the same numeric crew
Which we so lately did subdue ;
The self-same individuals that
Did run, as mice do from a cat.
When we courageously did wield 465
Our martial weapons in the field,
To tug for victory : and when
We shall our shining blades agen
Brandish in terror o'er our heads,t
They'll straight resume their wonted dreads. 470
/ I Fear is an ague, that forsakes
'And haunts, by fits, those, whom it takes ;
And they'll opine they feel the pain
And blows they felt to-day, again.
Then let us boldly charge them home, 475
And make no doubt to overcome.
* To drill, is to exercise and teach the military discipline.
t Tliis is exactly in the style of victorious leaders. Thus
Hannibal encouraged his men : "These are the same Romans
" whiim you have beaten so often." And Octavius addressed
his soldiers at Actiuni : " It is the same Antony whom you once
"drove out of the field bedire .Mutina : Be, as you have heeu-
'conquerors."
J ^ aTiva<jcii>v (pdayavuv &^v. Homer
144 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
This said, his courage to inflame,
He calTd upon his mistress' name,*
His pistol next he cock'd anew,
And out his nut-brown whinyard drew ;t 480
And placinfr Raipho in tlie front,}:
Reserv'd liimself to bear the brunt,
As expert warriors use ; then ply'd, •
With iron heel, his courser's side,
('onveying sympathetic speed 485
From heel of knight to heel of steed.
Meanwhile the foe, with equal rage
And speed, advancing to engage,
Botli parties now were drawn so close.
Almost to come to handy-blows: 490
When Orsin first let fly a stone
At Raipho ; not so huge a one
As that which Diorned did maul
J3neas on the bum withal ;§
Yet big enough, if rightly hurl'd, 495
T' have sent him to another world,
Whether above ground, or below,
Which saints, twice dipt, are destin'd to.||
* Cervnnies, upon almost everv occasion, makes Quixote in-
voke his Duloinea. Mr. Jarvis, in his life of Cervantes, ob-
serves, from the old collectinn of Spanish huvs, that they hold it
■A nol)le IhinR tocpjl upon the name of their mistresses, that
their hearts may swell with an increase of courage, and their
sliame be the greater if they fail in their attempt.
t This word whinyard signifies a sword. Skinner derives it
from the Saxnn winnan, to win or acquire honor; luit, as it is
chiefly used in CDntempt, Johnson derives it from whin, furze;
so whmniard, the short scythe or instrument with which coun
try people cut whins.
t Like Thraso in Terence. Eunuchns, iv. 7, who savs, " Ego
ero post principia." ,
^ b ie ^(epudiiov \d8c x^'P'
Tvitiiris. fifya epyov, S ov ivo y avhpc (pipoisv,
O7oi vvv fiporoi da' h 6( ijiv "pea ru'AAt Kal o7of.
Toi fia'Atj/ Aivdao Kar' laxiov, evSa re /jieuos
Iliad. V. 302.
And Juvenal :
nee hunc lapidcm, quali se Tumus, et Ajax ;
Vel quo Tydides percussit pondcre co.tani
JEneiE; sed quern valeant emittere dextrae
lUis dissiniiles, ct nostro tempore natte.
Sat. XV. 65.
II The anabaptists thought they obtained a higher degree of
saintship by being rebaptized.
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 145
The danger startled the bold Squire,
And made him some few steps retire ; 500
But Hiidibras advanc'd to's aid,
And rous'd his spirits half dismay'd ;
He wisely doubting lest the shot
O' th' euemy, now growing hot,
Might at a distance gall, press'd close, 505
*To come, pell-mell, to handy blows.
And that he might their aim decline,
Advanc'd still in an oblique line ;
But prudently forbore to fire,
Till breast to breast he had got nigher ;* 51 J
As expert warriors use to do.
When hand to hand they charge their foe.
This order the advent'rous Knight,
Most soldier-like, observed in fight,
When Fortune, as she's wont, turn'd fickle, 515
And for the foe began to stickle.
The more shame for her Goodyship
To give sPnear a friend the slip.
For Colon, choosing out a stone,
Levell'd so right, it thump'd upon 520
His manly paunch, with such a force,
As almost beat him off liis horse,
He loos'd his Vv'hinyard, and the rein,
But laying fast hold on the mane.
Preserved his seat : and, as a goose 525
In death contracts his talons close.
So did the knight, and with one claw
The trigger of his pistol draw.
The gun went oft": and as it was
Still fatal to stout Hudibras, 530
In all his feats of arms, when least
He dreamt of it, to prosper best.
So now he far'd : the shot let fly,
At random, 'mong the enemy,
Pierc'd Talgol's gaberdine,! and grazing 535
Upon his shoulder, in the passing
Lodg'd in Magnaiio's brass habergeon, t
* Oliver Cromwell ordered his soldiers to reserve their fire
till they were near enough the enemy to be sure of doing exe-
cution.
t An old French word for a smock frock, or coarse coat.
i Habergeon, a diminutive of the French word hauberg, a
breastplate : and derived from [the German] hals, collum, and
bergen seu pergen, tegere. See Chaucer. Here it signifies the
tinker's budget.
7
146 HUDIBRAS. [Part..
Who straight, A surgeon cry'd — a surgeon !
He tumbled down, and, as he fell,
Did murder ! murder ! murder ! yell.* 540
This startled tiieir whole body so,
That if the Knight had not let go
His arms, but been iu warlike plight,
H' had won, the second time, the fight ; .
As, if the Squire had but fall'n on, 545
He had inevitably done :
But lie, diverted with the care
Of Hudibras his wound, forbare
To press th' advantage of his fortune.
While danger did the rest disiiearten. 550
For he witli Cerdon b'ing engag'd
In close encounter, they botli wag'd
Tiie fight so well, 'twas hard to say
Which side was like to got the day.
And now the busy work of death 555
Had tir'd them so they 'greed to breathe.
Preparing to renew the tight, •
W^hen th' hard disaster of the knight,
And th' other party, did divert
And force tiieir sullen rage to part. 560
Ralpho press'd up to Hudibras,
And Cerdon where Maguano was.
Each striving to confirm his party
With stout encouragements and hearty.
Quoth Ralpho, Courage, valiant Sir, 565
And let revenge and honour stir
Your spirits up ; once more fall on.
The shatter'd foe begins to run :
For if but half so well you knew
To use your vict'ry as subdue,t 570
They durst not, after such a blow
As you have giv'n them, face us now ;
* To howl or use a lamentable cry, from the Greek, IdXtfio;,
or (5XoAii5(o. ejiilo, a mournful son? used at funer;ils, nnd prac-
tiseil to this (lay in some parts of Ireland, and the highlands of
Scotland.
t This perhaps has some reference to Prince Rupert, who was
generally successful at his first onset, but lost his advantage by
too long a pursuit. Echard, vol. ii. p. 480. The same is said of
Hannibal, FInriis, lib. ii. en p. G. Dubium deinde non erat, quin
ultimmii ilium diem habituni fuerit Roma quintumque intra
diem epulari Annibal in ciipitolio [lotuerit, si (quodPcennm ilium
dixisse Adherbalem Bomilcaris ferunt) Annibal quemadmodum
sciret vincere, sic uti victoria scisset. Caesar said the same ol
Pompey. Sueton. in Vita.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 147
But froiii so formidable a soldier.
Had fled like crows when they smell powder.
Thrice have they seen your sword aloft 575
Wav'd o'er their heads, and fled as oft :
But if you let them recollect
Their spirits, now dismay'd and check'd,
-You'll have a harder game to play
Than yet y' have had, to get the day. 380
Thus spoke the stout Squire ; but was heard
By Hudibras with small regard.
His thoughts were fuller of the bang
He lately took, than Ralph's harangue ;
To which he answer'd. Cruel fate 585
Tells me thy counsel comes too late,
The clotted blood within my hose,*
That from my wounded body flows,
With mortal crisis doth portend
My days to appropinquet an end. 590
I am for action now unfit.
Either of fortitude or wit ;
Fortune, my foe, begins to frown,
Resolv'd to pull my stomach down.
I am not apt, upon a wound, 595
Or trivial basting, to dispond ;
Yet I'd be loath my days to curtail ;
For if I thought my wounds not mortal,
Or that w' had time enough as yet
To make an honourable retreat, 600
'Twere the best course ; but if they find
We fly, and leave our arms behind
For them to seize on, the dishonour.
And danger too, is such, I'll sooner
Stand to it boldly, and take quarter, 605
To let them see I am no starter.
In all the trade of war no feat
Is nobler than a brave retreat :
For those that run away, and fly.
Take place at least o' th' enemy. 610
This said, the Squire, with active speed.
Dismounted from his bonyt steed
To seize the arms, which by mischance
Fell from the bold Knight in a trance.
* In some editions — the kvotted blood.
t One of the knight's hard words, signifying to approach, or
draw near to.
i In some editions it is bonny, but I prefer the reading of 1678.
148 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
These being found out, and restof'd 61 5
To Hudibras, their natural lord,
The active Squire, with might and main,
Prepar'd in haste to mount again.
Thrice he assayed to mount aloft ;
But by his weighty bum, as oft 620
He was puU'd back ; 'till having found
Th' advantage of the rising ground,
Thither he led his warlike steed,
And having plac'd him right, with speed
Prepar'd again to scale the beast, 625
When Orsin, who had nowly drest
The bloody scar upon the shoulder
Of Talgol, with Promethean powder,*
And now was searching for the shot
That laid Magnano on the spot, 630
Behind the sturdy Squire aforesaid
Preparing to climb up his horse-side ;
He left his cure, and laying hold
Upon his arms, with courage bold
Cry'd out, 'Tis now no time to dally, 635
The enemy begin to rally :
Let us that are unluu't and whole
Fall on, and happy man he's dole.t
Tills said, like to a thunderbolt,
He flew with fury to th' assault, 640
Striving the enemy to attack
Before he reach'd his horse's back.
Ralpho was mounted now, and gotten
O'erthwart his beast with active vaidting,
Wriggling his body to recover 645
His seat, and cast his right leg over ;
When Orsin, rushing in, bestov.''d
On horse and man so heavy a load,
The beast was startled, and begun
* See canto ii. v. 225. — In a long enumeration of his several
beneficent inventions, Prometheus, in .^Eschylus, boasts espe-
cially of his communicating to mankind the knowledge of medi-
cines.
eici^a Kpdoct; fnriwv aKt/rnaTtov
als TuS aviicas i^afivvoivrai vdang.
JEsch. Prometh. vinct. v. 491, ed. Blomf.
t See Shakspeare, Taming the Shrew, Act i. sc. 1, and Win-
ter's Tale, Act i. sc. 2.
Dole, from duelan, to distribute, signifies the shares formerly
given at funerals and other occasions. May happiness be his
share or lot. May the lot of the happy man be his. As we say
of a person at the point of death, God rest his soul.
Canto iir.] HUDIBRAS. 149
To kick and fling like mad, aud run, 650
Bearing the toii^li Squire, like a sack,
Or stout king Richard, on his back ;*
'Till stumbling, he threw him down,!
Sore bruis'd, and cast into a swoon.
Meanwiiiie the Knight began to rouse 655
The sparkles of his wonted prowess ;
He thrust his hand into his hose,
And found, botli by his eyes and nose,
'Twas only choler, and not blood,
That from liis wounded body flow'd.l 660
This, with the hazard of the Squire,
Enflam'd him with despightful ire ;
Courageously he fac'd about,
And drew his other pistol out,
And now had half-way bent the cock, 665
When Cerdon gave so fierce a siiock,
With sturdy truncheon, 'thwart liis arm,
That down it fell, and did no harm :
Then stoutly pressing on with speed,
Assay'd to pull him off his steed, 670
The knight his sword had only left.
With which he Cerdon's head had cleft,
Or at the least cropt off a limb,
But Orsin came and rescued him.
He with his lance attack'd the Knight 675
Upon his quarters opposite.
But as a bark, that in foul weather,
Toss'd by two adverse winds together.
Is bruis"d and beaten to and fro,
And knows not which to turn him to : 680
So far'd the Knight between two foes,
And knew not which of them t' oppose ;
'Till Orsin charging with his lance
At Hudibras, by spightful chance
Hit Cerdon such a bang, as stunn'd 685
And laid him flat upon the ground.
At this the Knight began to cheer up,
* After the battle of Bosworth-field, the body nf Richard III.
W.1S stripped, and in an ifinoinininus manner laid across a
horse's back like a slaughtered deer; his head and arms hang-
ing on one side, and his legs on the other, besmeared with blood
and dirt.
t We must here read sinmlilcing, to make three syllables, as
in verse 770 lightfjiirit', so in 873 read sarcasmes ; or, perhaps,
we may read stunibeling, sarcasems, &c.
i The delicate reader will easily gness what is here intended
by the word choler.
150 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
And raising np himself on stirrup,
Cry'd out, Victoria I lie thou tiiere,*
And I shall straight dispatch another, 690
To bear thee company in death :t
But first I'll halt awhile, and breathe.
As well he might : for Orsin griev'd
At th' wound that Cerdon had receiv'd,
Ran to relieve him with his lore, 695
And cure the hurt he made before.
Meanwhile tlie Knight had wlieel'd about,
To breathe him.self, and next find out
Th' advantage of the ground, where best
lie might the ruffled foe infest. 700
This being resolv'd, he spurr'd his steed,
To run at Orsin with full speed,
While he was busy in the care
Of Cerdou's wound, and unaware :
But he was quick, and had already 705
Unto the part apply'd remedy ;
And seeing th' enemy prepar'd,
Drew up, and stood upon his guard :
Then, like a warrior, right expert
And skilful iu the martial art, 710
The subtle Knight straight made a halt,
And judg'd it best to stay th' assaidt,
Until he had reliev'd the Squire,
And then, in order, to retire ;
Or, as occasion should invite, 715
With forces join'd renew the fight
Ralpho, by this time disentranc'd.
Upon his bum himself advanced.
Though sorely bruis'd ; his limbs all o'er,
^Vilh ruthless bangs were stiff' and sore ; 720
Right fain he would have got upon
His feet again, to get him gone ;
When Hudibras to aid him came.
Quolh he, and call'd him by his name,
Courage, the day at length is ours, 725
And we once more as conquerors.
Have both the field and honour won,
The foe is profligate, and run ;
* Thus Virgil and Homer :
Hesperiani inetire jacens. ^n. xii. 360.
Istic nunc, metuende, jace. JEn. x. 557.
'Kvravdut vVv Kuao. II. $. 1-2-2.
t This is a banter upon some of tlie speeches in Homer.
Canto hi.] HIIDIBIIAS. 151
I mean all such as can, for some
This hand hath sent to their long home ; 730
And some lie sprawling on the ground,
With many a gash and bloody wound.
CjEsar himself could never say,
He got two vict'ries in a day.
As I have done, that can say, twice I, ) 735
In one day, veni, vidi, vici.*
The foe's so numerous, that we
Cannot so often viucere,t
And they perire, and yet enow
Be left to strike an after-blow. 740
Then, lest they rally, and once more
Put us to fight the bus'ness o'er,
Get up and mount thy steed ; dispatch,
And let us both their motions watch.
Quoth Ralph, I should not, if I were 745
In case for action, now be here ;
Nor have I turn'd my back, or hang'd
An arse, for fear of being bang'd.
It was for you I got these harms,
Advent'ring to fetch off your arms. 750
The blows and drubs I have receiv'd
Have bruised my body, and bereav'd
My limbs of strength : unless you stoop,
And reach your hand to pull me up,
I shall lie here, and be a prey 755
To those who now are run away.
That thou shalt not, quoth Hudibras :
We read, the ancients held it was
More honourable far servare
Civem, than slay an adversary ; 760
The one we oft' to-day have done,
The other shall dispatch anon :
And tho' th'art of a dift''rent church,
I will not leave thee in the lurch. t
This said, he jogg'd his good steed nigher, 765
* The favorite terms hy which OiBsar described his victory
over Pharnaces. In his cunsequcnt triumph at Rome, these
words, (translated thus into English, I came, I saw, I overcame,)
were painted on a tablet and carried before him. See Plutarch's
Life of Julius C'EEsar.
t A irreat jieneral, beinff informed that his enemies were very-
numerous, replied, then there are enough to be killed, enough
to be taken prisoners, and enouuh to run away.
t This is a sneer at the Independents, who, when they had
gotten possession of the <rovernment, deserted their old allies,
the Presbyterians, and treated them with ijreat hauteur.
152 HUDIBRAS. [Part i,
And steer'd liim gently toward the Squire ;
Then bowing down liis body, stretch'd
His hand out, and at a Ralpho reacli'd ;
When Trulla, wliom lie did not mind,
Charg'd him like lightning behind. 770
She had been long in search about
Magnano's wound, to find it out ;
But could find none, nor where the shot
That had so startled liim was got :
But having found tlie worst was past, 775
She fell to her own work at last,
The pillage of the prisoners.
Which in all feats of arms was hers :
And now to plunder Ralph she flew,
When Hudibras his hard fate drew 780
To succour him ; for, as he bow'd
To help him up, she laid a load
Of blows so heavy, and plac'd so well,
On th' other side, that down he fell.
Yield, scoundrel base, quoth she, or die, 785
Thy life is mine, and liberty :
But if thou think'st I took thee tardy,
And dar'st presume to be so hardy,
To try thy fortune o'er afresh,
I'll wave my title to thy flesh, 790
Thy arms and baggage, now my right :
And if thou hast tiie heart to try't,
I'll lend thee back thyself awhile,*
And once more, for that carcase vile,
Fight upon tick. — Quoth Hudibras, 795
Thou orier'st nobly, valiant lass,
And I shall take thee at thy word.
First let me rise, and take my sword ;
That sword, which has so oft this day
Through squadrons of my foes made way, 800
And some to other worlds dispatch'd,
Now with a feeble spinster match'd.
Will blush with blood ignoble stain'd,
By which no honour's to be gain'd.t
* Churles XII., king of Sweden, having taken a town frnni
the duke of Sa.xony, then king nf Poland, the duke inliinaled
that there must liave Ijeen treachery in the case. On whith
Charles offered to restore the town, replace the garrison, and
then take it by storm.
r Nullum mcinnraliile unmen
Foeminea in poena est, ncc haliet victuria laudem.
Virg. yEneid. ii. 584.
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 153
But if thou'lt take m' advice in this, 805
Consider, while tliou may'st, what 'tis
To intenupt a victor's course,
B' opposing such a trivial force.
For if with conquest I come off,
And that I shall do sure enough, 810
Quarter thou canst not have, uor grace,
By law of arms, in such a case ;
Both which I now do ofFer freely.
I scorn, quoth she, thou coxcomb silly.
Clapping her hand upon her breech, 815
To shew how much she priz'd his speech.
Quarter or counsel from a foe :
If thou canst force me to it, do.
But lest it should again be said.
When I have once more won thy head, 820
I took thee napping, unprepar'd,
Arm, and betake thee to thy guard.
This said, she to her tackle fell,
And on the Knight let fall a peal
Of blows so fierce, and prest so home, 825
That he retir'd, and foUow'd's bum.
Stand to't, quoth she, or yield to mercy.
It is not fighting arsie-versie*
Shall serve thy turn. — This stirr'd his spleen
More than the danger he was in, 830
The blows he felt, or was to feel,
Although th' already made him reel.
Honour, despight, revenge, and shame,
At once into his stomach came ;
Which fir'd it so, he rais'd his ann 835
Above his head, and rain'd a storm
Of blows so terrible and thick,
As if he meant to hash her quick.
But she upon her truncheon took them.
And by oblique diversion broke them ; 840
Waiting an opportunity
To pa}' all back with usuiy.
Which long she fail'd not of; for now
The Kniglit, with one dead-doing blow.
Resolving to decide the fight, 845
And she with quick and cunning slight
'' That is, 'icTcpov npiTtfiov, wrong end foremost, bottom up-
ward : but it originally !-iffiiified averte ignem, Tuscorum lingua,
Arse averte, verse ignem constat appellari : unde, Al'ranius ait,
inscribat aliqnis in nslio arse verse. S. Pompeius Festus de
verborum signiticatione, p. 18.
7*
154 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Avoiding it, the force and weight
He charg'd upon it was so great,
As almost sway'd him to tlie ground ;
No sooner she th' advantage found, 850
But in she flew ; and seconding,
With home-made thrust, tlie heavy swing,
She laid him flat upon his side,
And mounting on liis trunk astride,
Quoth she, I told thee what would come 855
Of ail thy vapouring, base scum.
Say, will the law of arras allow
I may have grace, and quarter now?
Or wilt thou rather break thy word,
And stain thine honour, than thy sword? 860
A man of war to damn his soul.
In basely breaking his parole.
And when before the fight, th'hadst vowed
To give no quarter in cold blood ;
Now thou hast got me for a Tartar,* 865
To make m' against my will take quarter ;
* The Tartars had much rather die in battle than take quarter.
Hence the proverb, Thou bust caught a Tartar.— A man catches
a Tartar when he falls into his own trap, or having a design
upon another, is cauglit himself.
Help, help, cries one, I have caught a Tartar. Bring him
along, answers his comrade. He will not come, says he. Then
come without him, quoth the other. But he will not let me,
says the Tartar-catcher. I have somewhere read the following
lines ;
Seres inter nationemque Tartarain
Flagrabat bellum, I'ortiler vero prielians
Ter ipse manu [iropria Tartanim occupans.
Extempio e,\clamal — Tartarum prehendi manil ;
Veniat ad me. Dux inquit exercitus,
At se venire velle Tartarus negat:
At tecum ducas illico — sed non viilt sequi,
Tu solus venias — Vellem, sed non me sinit.
Plautus has an e.xpression not much unlike this, — potitus est
hostium, to signify he was taken prisoner. — Mr. Peck, see New
aiemoirs of INlilton's Life, p. 237, explains it in a diflerent man-
ner. " Biijaztt," says he, " was taken prisoner by Tamerlane,
" who, when he tirst saw him, generously asked, 'Now, sir, if
"'you had taken me prisoner, as I have you, tell me, I pray,
" ' what you would have done with me V ' If I had taken you
" ' i)risoner,' said the foolish Turk, ' I would have thrust you
" ' under th'e table when I did eat, to gather up the crumbs with
" ' the dogs ; when I rode out, I would have made your neck a
"' horsing block ; and when I travelled, you also should have
" ' been carried along with mc in an iron cage, for every fool to
" ' hoot and shunt at.' ' 1 thought to have used you better.' said
" the gallant'l'amerlane ; ' but since you intended to have served
" ' me thus, you have' {caught a Tartar, for hence 1 reckon came
" that proverb) 'justly pronounced your doom.' "
Canto hi.] IIUDIBRAS. 155
Why dost not put mc to the sword,
But cowardly fly from thy word ?
Quoth Hudibras, The day's thine own ;
Thou and thy stars have cast me down: 870
My laurels are transplanted now,
And flourish on thy conqu'ring brow :
My loss of honour's great enough,
Thou needst not brand it with a scofl":
Sarcasms may eclipse thine own, 875
But cannot blur my lost renown:
J I am not now in fortune's power,
( He tliat is down can fall no lower.*
The ancient heroes were illustr'ous
For being benign, and not blust'rous 880
Against a vanquish'd foe : their swords
Were sharp and trencliant, not their words ;
And did in figlit but cut work out
T' employ their courtesies about.t
Quoth she, Altho' thou hast deseiVd, 885
Base Slubberdegullion,t to be serv'd
As thou didst vow to deal with me,
If thou liadst got the victory ;
Yet I should rather act a part
That suits my fame, than thy desert. 890
Thy arms, thy liberty, beside
All that's on th' outside of thy hide,
Are mine by military law,§
Of which I will not bate one straw ;
The rest thy life and limbs, once more, 895
Though doubly forfeit, I restore.
* Ciui decumbit huiiii, non habet unile cadat.
t See Cleveland, p. H4, in his letter to the Protector. "The
" most renowned lieroes have ever with such tenderness cher-
" ished their captives, that their swords did but cut out work for
" their courtesies." Thus Ovid :
Quo quis enim major, niaiiis est placabilis iraa
Et I'aciles niotus mens generosa capit.
And again the same:
Corpora inagnanimo satis est prostrasse leoni
I'ugna suuni finem, cuui jacet hostis. habet.
Ovid. Trist. lib. iii.
t That is, a drivellins fool : to slublier, or slabber, in British,
is to drivel ; in the Teutonic, it siu'nifies to slip or slide, and so
nietaphorically to do a thing ill or fiullily, or negligently; and
gul, or gullion, the diminutive, a fool, or person easily imposed
upon.
^ In public duels all horses, pieces of broken armor, or other
furniture that fell to the sround, after the combatants entered
the lists, were the fees of the marshal.
156 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
Quoth Hudibras, It is too late
For me to treat or stipulate ;
What thou command'st I must obey ;
Yet those whom I expugn'd to-day, 900
Of thine own party, I let go,
And gave them life and freedom too,
Both dogs and bear, upon their parol.
Whom I took pris'ners in this quarrel.
Quoth Trulla, Whether thou or they 905
Let one another run away,
Concerns not me ; but was't not thou
Tluit gave Crowdero quarter too?
Crowdero, whom in irons bound.
Thou basely threw'st into Lob's pound,* 910
Where still he lies, and with regret
His generous bowels rage and fret :
But now thy carcase shall redeem,
And serve to be exchang'd for him.
Tliis said, tiie Knight did straight submit, 915
And laid his weapons at her feet :
Next he disrob'd liis gaberdine,
And with it did himself resign.
She took it, and fortinvith divesting
The mantle that she wore, said, jesting, 920
Take that, and wear it for my sake 5
Then threw it o'er his sturdy back :
And as the French, we conquer'd once,
Now give us laws for pantaloons.
The lengtli of breeches, and the gathers, 925
Port-oannons, perriwigs, and feathers,t
* A vulgiir expression for any place of confinement, pnrticu-
liirly the stocks. — Dr. Grey mentions a story of Mr. Lob, a
prencher iimong the di.-senters. When their meetings were
prohihileil, he contrived a trap-door in his ptilpit^ which led,
throuiih many dark windings, into a cellar. His adversaries
once pursued him into these recesses, and, groping about, said
one to another, that they were got into Lob's pound.
This gcntlemiui, or one of the same name and calling, is men-
tioned by Mr. Prior, in liis epistle to Fleetwood Shephard,
esquire :
fo at pure barn of loud non-con,
Where with my granam I have gone,
When Lobb had sifted all his text.
And I well hop'd the pudding next,
"Now to apply," has plagu'd me more
Than all his villain cant before.
[Massinger has the phrase, flluke of Milan. A. iii. sc. 2.) but
not in the sense of a place of, at least permanent, confinement.]
t < lur successful battles in France have always been men-
tioned with pleasure ; and we seem at no time to have been
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 157
Just so the proud, insulting lass
Array "d and diglited Hudibras*
Meanwhile the other champions, yerstt
In hurry of the fight disperst, 930
Arriv'd, when Trulla'd won the day,
To share in tli' honour and the prey,
And out of Hudibras his hide,
With vengeance to be satisfy'd ;
Which now they were about to pour 935
Upon him in a wooden show'r :
averse to the French fashions. Pantaloons were a kind of
loose breeches, commonly made of silk, and pufttnl, which cov
ered the legs. Ihighs, and part of the liody. They are represent-
ed in some of Vandyke's pictures, and may lie seen in the harle-
quin entertainments. Port-cannons, were ornaments al)out the
knees of the breeches ; they were grown to such excess in
France, tliat Moliere was thought to have done good service, by
laughing them out of fashion. Mr. P.ut!er, in his Genuine Re-
mains, vol. ii. p. 83, says of the huffing courtier, he walks in his
Port-cannons like one that stalks in long grass. In his Genuine
Remains, our poet often derides the violent imitation of French
fashions. In the second volume is a sutire entirely on this sub-
ject, which was a very proper object of ridicule, as after the
Restoration, not only the politics of the court led to it, but, like-
wise, an earnest desire among the old cavaliers of avoiding the
formal and precise gravity of the times immediately preceding.
In the Pindaric Ode to the memory of Du Val, a poem allowed
to be written by our author :
In France, the staple of new modes,
Where garbs and miens are current goods,
That serves the ruder northern nations,
With methods of address and treat,
Prescribes new garnitures and fashions,
And how to drink, and how to eat,
No out of fashion wine or meat :
Conform their palates to the mode,
And relish that, and not the food ;
And, rather than transgress the rule,
Eat kitchen-stulf, and stinking fowl ;
For that which we call stinking here,
Is but piquant, and haut-gout, there.
Perriwigs were brought from France about the latter end of
the reign of James the First, but not much in use till after the
Restoration.
At first, they were of an immense size in large flowing curls,
as we see them in eternal buckles in Westminster .-^bbey, and
on other monuments. Lord Bolingbroke is said to be the first
who tied them up in knots, as the counsellors wore them some
time ago : this was esteemed so nre.-it an undress, that when his
lordship first went to court in a wis; of this f ishion. queen Anne
was olfended, and said to those about her, " this man will come
"to me next court-day in his night-cap."
* Dichted, from the Anglo Saxon word digtan, to dress, fit
out, polish.
t Erst, adverb, superlative degree, i. e. first, from er. before
158 HUDIBRAS. [Part ».
But TiLilla thrust herself between,
And slridiiifif o'er liis back ageu,
She brandiHh'd o'er her head liis sword,
And vow'd they slioiild not break lier word ; 940
Sli' had given !iim quarter, and her blood.
Or theirs, should make that quarter good.
For she was bound, by law of arms,
To see him safe from further harms.
In duufreon deej) Crowdero cast 945
By Hudibras, as yet lay fast.
Where to the hard and ruthless stones,*
His great heart made perpetual moans ;
Him she resolv'd that Hudibras
Should ransom, and supply his place. 950
This stopp'd their fury, and the basting
Which toward Hudibras was hasting.
They thought it was but just and right.
That what she had achiev'd in fight.
She should dispose of how she pleas'd ; 955
Crowdero ought to be releas'd :
Nor could that any way be done
So well, as this she pitch'd upon :
For who a better could imagine ?
This therefore they resolv'd t' engage in 900
The Knight and Squire first they made
Rise from the ground where they were laid,
Then mounted both upon their horses,
But with their faces to the arses.
Orsin led Hudibras's beast, 965
And Talgol that which Ralpho prest ;
Whom stout Magnano, valiant Cerdon,
And Colon, waited as a guard on ;
All ush'ring Trulla, in the rear,
With th' arms of either prisoner. 970
In this proud order and array.
They put themselves upon their way.
Striving to reach th' encb.anted Castle,
Where stout Crowdero in durance lay still.
Thither with greater speed than shows, 975
And triumph over conquer'd foes,
Do use t' allow ; or than the bears.
Or pageants born before lord-mayors,t
* Thus Virgil :
Mor.tibus et silvis studio j:ictal)at inani.
t I l)elieve ;it the lordiiiayiir's show, l-ears were Ictl in proces-
Bion, and al'lerwarils baited i'or the diversion of the populace.
Canto iii.] HUDIBRAS. 159
Are wont to use, they soon arriv'd,
In order, soldier-like coiitriv'd: 980
Still marching in a warlike posture,
As fit for battle as for muster.
The Knight and Squire they first unhorse,
And, bending 'gainst the fort their force.
They all advanc'd, and round about 985
Begirt the magical redoubt.
Magnan' led up in this adventure,
And made way for the rest to enter :
For he was skilful in black art.
No less than he that built the fort,* 990
And with an iron mace laid flat
A breach, wliich straight all enter'd at,
And in the wooden dungeon found
Crowdero laid ii])ou the ground ;
Him they release from durance base, 995
Restor'd t' his fiddle and his case.
And liberty, his thirsty rage
With luscious vengeance to assuage ;
For he no sooner was at large,
But Trulla straight brought on the charge, 1000
And in the self-same limbo put
The Knight and Squire, where he was shut ;
Where leaving them i' th' wretched hole,t
Tlieir bangs and durance to condole,
Confin'd and conjur'd into narrow 1005
Enchanted mansion, to know sorrow,
In the same order and array
Which they advanc'd, they march'd away:
But Hudibras, who scorn'd to stoop
To fortune, or be said to droop, 1010
Cheer'd up himself with ends of verse,
And sayings of philosophers.
Quotli he, Th' one half of man, his mind,
Is, sui juris, unconfin'd,t
The procession of the mob to the slocks is compared to three
things: a Roman triumph, a lord-mayor's show, and leading
bears about the streets.
* .Macnano is before described as a blacksmith, or tinker. See
Canto ii. 1. 3:)6.
t In the edition of 1704 it is printed in Hocldy liole, meaning,
by a low pun, the place where their hocks or ankles were con-
fined. Hockley Hole, or Hockley i' th' Hole, was the name of a
place resorted to for vulgar diversions.
t Our author here shows his learning, by bantering the stoic
philosophy ; and his wit, l)y comparing Alexander the Great
with Diogenes.
160 HUDIBRAS. [Part i.
And cannot be laid by the heels, 1015
What e'er the other moiety feels.
'Tis not restraint, or liberty,*
That makes men prisonera or free ;
But perturbations that possess
The mind, or equanimities. 1020
The whole world was not half so wide
To Alexander, when he cry'd.
Because he had but one to subdue,t
As was a paltry narrow tub to
Diogenes ; who is not said,t 1025
For aught that ever I could read,
To whine, put finger i' th' eye, and sob.
Because h' had ne'er another tub.
The ancients make two sev'ral kinds
Of prowess in heroic minds, 1030
The active and the passive valiant,
Both which are pari libra gallaut ;
For both to give blows, and to carry,
In fights are equi-necessary :
But in defeats, the passive stout 1035
Are always found to stand it out
Most desp'rately, and to out-do
The active, 'gainst a conqu'ring foe : . '
Tho' wo with blacks and blues are suggird,§ ' /
Or, as the vulgar say, are cudgel'd ; ' 1040
* (iuisnam igiuir lilier ? sapiens, sibique iiiiperiosns ;
Quciii neiine paiiperies, iieque mors, neque vincula
terreiit :
Respoiisare ciipidinibus, conteninere honores
Fortis ; et in seipso totus teres atque rntiindus,
Exteriii ne quid valeat per lave niorari ;
In qneiu nianca niit semper fortnna.
Herat, lib. ii. Sat. vii. 83.
KaKos icafiui, uiii-taroi /xev tvxi, ^'"X'i^ ^^ KaKia' b fiiv yap
TO (Tw/di XtXviiiros, Ttji' 6i. ^I'V^ht' ithtjiivoi^ &ov\os' h (5' av rd
aiijxa deScfiivoi, ttjv de ^vxvv \t\viiivoi, e\cvd!.poS.
Epict. p. 94. eil. Kelandi. 1711.
f Unus Pella>o juveni non sutiicit orbis:
.iEstuat infelix angusto liinile niunili
Juven. Sat. .\. 168.
t Delia niidi
Non ardent Cynici: si fregrris, altera fiet
Cras domus, aut eadem plumbo commissa manebit.
Sensit Alexander, testa cum vidit in ilia
Magnum habitatoreni, quanto t'elicioi hie, qui
Nil cuperet, quam qui totum sibi posceret, orbem,
Passurus gestis aquanda pericula rebus.
Juven. Sat. xiv. 308,
$ From suggillo, to beat black and blue.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 161
He that is valiant, and dares fight,
Though dnihb'd, can lose no honour by't.
Honour's a lease for Hves to come,
And cannot be extended from
Tlie legal tenant :* 'tis a chattel 1045
Not to be forfeited in battel.t
If he that in the field is slaip,
Be in the bed of honour Iain,1:
He that is beaten may be said
To lie in honour's truckle-bed.6 1050
For as we see th' eclipsed sun
By mortals is more gaz'd upon
Than when, adorn'd with all his light.
He shines in serene sky most bright ;
So valour, in a low estate, 1053
Is most admir'd and wonder'd at.
Quoth Ralph, How gieat I do not know
We may, by being beaten, grow ;
But none that see how here we sit,
Will judge us overgrown with wit. 106O
As gifted brethren, preaching by
A carnal hour-glass, || do imply
Illumination, can convey
Into them what they have to say.
But not how much ; so well enough • 1065
Know you to charge, but not draw oft'
For who, without a cap and bauble, IT
Having subdii'd a bear and rabble.
And might with honour have come off,
Would put it to a second proof: 1070
A politic exploit, right fit
For Presbyterian zeal and wit.**
* Vivit post fnnera virtus.
t A man cannot be deprived of his honor, or forfeit it to the
conqueror, as he does his arms and accoutrements.
t ■■ The bed of honor," says Farquhar. " is a niiglity large
" bed. Ten tbousand people may lie in it together, and never
" feel one another."
§ The truckle-bed is a small bed upon wheels, which goes
under the iar{;er one,
II This preachmg by the hour gave room for many jokes. A
punning preacher, having talked a full hour, turned his hour-
glass, and said: Come, my friends, let us take the other glass.
The frames for these hour-glasses remained in many churches
til! very lately.
IT Who but a fool or child, one who deserves a fool's cap, or a
child's play-thing.
** Ralpho, being chagrined by his situation, not only blames
the misconduct of the knight, which had brought them into the
scrape, but sneers at him for his religious principles. The Inde-
162 HUDIBRAS. [Parti
Quoth Hudibras, That cuckoo's tonej
Ralpho thou always harp'st upon ;
When thou at any thing would'st rail, 1075
Thou mak"st presbytery thy scale
To take the heigiit on't, and explain
To what degree it is profane.
What s'ever will not with thy — what d'ye call
Thy light — ^jump right, thou call'st synodical. 1080
As if presbytery were a standard
To size what s'ever's to be slander'd.
Dost not remember hov\r this day
Thou to my beard wast bold to say.
That thou could'st prove bear-baiting equal 1085
With synods, orthodox and legal?
Do, if thou canst, for I deny't,
And dare thee to't, with all thy light.*
Quoth Ralpho, Truly that is no
Hard matter for a man to do, 1090
That has but any guts iu's brains.t
And could believe it worth his pains ;
But since you dare and urge me to it,
You'll find I've light enough to do it.
Synods are mystical bear-gardens, 1095
Where elders, deputies, church-wardens.
And other members of the court.
Manage the Babylonish sport.
For prolocutor, scribe, and bearward,
Do differ only in a mere word. 1100
Both are but sev'ral synagogues
Of carnal men, and bears, and dogs :
Both antichristian assemblies.
To mischief bent, as far's in them lies :
Both stave and tail with fierce contests, 1105
The one with men, the other beasts,
The diff'rence is, the one fights with
The tongue, the other with the teeth ;
And that they bait but bears in this,
In th' other souls and consciences ; 1110
Where saints themselves are brought to stake,t
pendents, at one time, were as inveterate against the Presbyte-
rians, as both of them were against the church. For an expla-
nation of some following verses, see the note on Canto i. 457.
* The Independents were great pretenders to the light of the
epiril. They supposed that all their actions, as well as their
prayers and preachings, were immediately directed by it.
t A proverbial e.xpression for one who has some share of com-
BDon sense.
X The Presbyterians, when inpower, by means of their synods,
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 163
For gospel-light and conscience-sake ;
Expo>:'d to scribes and presbyters,.
Instead of mastiff dogs and curs ;
Than whom tli' have less humanity, 1115
For these at souls of men will fly.
This to the prophet did appear,
Who in a vision saw a bear.
Prefiguring the beastly rage
Of church-rule, in this latter age :* '. 120
As is demonstrated at full
By him that baited the pope's bull.t
Bears naturally are beasts of prey.
That live by rapine ; so do they.
What are their orders, constitutions, 1125
Church-censures, curses, absolutions,
But sev'ral mystic chains they make,
To tie poor Christians to the stake ?
And then set heathen officers.
Instead of dogs, about their ears.t 1130
For to prohibit and dispense.
To find out, or to make offence ;
Of hell and heaven to dispose,
To play with souls at fast and loose :
To set what characters they please, 1135
And mulcts on sin or godliness ;
Reduce the church to gospel-order.
By rapine, sacrilege, and murder ;
To make presbytery supreme.
And kings themselves submit to them ;§ 1140
assemblies, classes, scribes, presbyters, triers, orders, censures,
curses, &c., &c., persecuted the ministers, both of the Independ-
ents and of the Church of England, with violence and cruelty
little short of the inquisition. Sir Roger L'Eslrange mentions
some strong instances of their persecuting tenets.
* Daniel vii. .5. " And behold another beast, a second, like to
a bear; and it raised up itself on one side ; and it had three ribs
in the mouth of it, between the teeth of it: and they said thus
unto it. Arise, devour much flesh."
t The baiting of the pope's bull was the title of a pamphlet
written by Henry Burton, rector of St. Matthew, Friday-street
and printed at London in 1607.
t Tacitus says of the persecutions under Nero, pereuntibus
addita ludibria, ut ferarum tergis contecti, laniatu canum interi-
rent. Annal. xv. 44.
§ The disciplinarians, in the reign of queen Elizabeth, main-
tained that kings ought to be subject to ecclesiastical censures,
as well as other persons. This doctrine was revived by the
Presbyterians afterwards, and actually put in practice by the
Scots, in their treatment of Charles II. while he continued
among them. The Presbyterians, in the civil war, maintained
164 HUDIBUAS. [Part »
And force all people, the' against
Their consciences, to turn saints ;
Must prove a pretty thriving trade,
When saints monopolists are made :
When pious frauds, and holy shifts, 1145
Are dispensations, and gifts ;
There godliness becomes mere vpare,
And ev'ry synod but a fair.
Synods are whelps o' th' Inquisition,
A mongrel breed of like pernicion,* 1150
And growing up, became the sires
Of scribes, commissioners, and triers ;t
Whose bus'ness is, by cunning slight.
To cast a figure for men's light ;
To find, in lines of beard and face, 1155
The physiognomy of grace ;t
And by the sound and twang of nose,
If all be sound within disclose.
Free from a crack, or flaw of sinning.
As men try pipkins by the ringing ;§ 1160
thiit princes must submit their sceptres, and throw down their
crowns bulore the church, yea, to lick up the dust of the feet
of the churcli.
* The word pernicion, perhaps, is coined by onr author: he
means of lil<e destructive eflect, from the Latin pernicies, though
it is used elsewhere.
t The Presbyterians had a set of oflRcers called the triers, who
examined tlie candidates for orders, and the presentees to bene-
fices, and sifted the qualifications of lay elders. See the preface
to Walker's Sufferings of the Clergy. As the Presbyterians de-
manded of the Church of England, What command, or example,
have you for kneeling at the communion, for wearing a surplice,
for lord bishops, for a penned liturgy, &c., &c., so the Independ-
ents retorted upon them : Where are your lay elders, your pres-
byters, your classes, your synods, to be found in Scripture 1
where your steeple houses, and your national church, or your
tithes, or your metre psalms, or your two sacriuiicnts ? show us
a command or example for them. Dr. Hammond's View of the
Directory.
t The triers pretended great skill in these matters. If they
disliked the face or beard of a man, if he happened to be of a
ruddy complexion, or cheerful countenance, they W(mld reject
him on these accounts. The precise and puritanical faces of
those days may be observed in the prints of the most eminent
dissenters.
The modern reader may be inclined to think the dispute be-
tween the knight and the squire rather too long. But if he
considers that the great object of the pnern was to expose to
scorn and contempt those sectaries, and those pretenders to ex-
traordinary sanctity, who had overturned the constitution in
church and state; and. beside that, such enthusiasts were then
frequently to he met with ; he will not wonder that the author
indulges himself in this fine strain of wit and humor.
^ They judged of man's inward grace by his outward com-
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 165
By black caps, underlaid with white,*
Give certain guess at inward light ;
Which Serjeants at the gospel wear,t
To make the sp'ritual calling clear.
The handkerchief about the neck, 1165
— Canonical cravat of smeck,t
From whom the institution came,
When church and slate they set on flame.
And worn by them as badges then
Of spiritual warfaring-men, — 1170
Judge rightly if regeneration
Be of the newest cutin fashion :
plexion. Dr. Echard says, "If a nnn had but a little blood in
"his cheeks, his condition was iicconnted very (langercus, and
"it was almost an iiil'allible sign of reprobation : and I will as-
"sure you," says he, "a very honest man, of a very sanguine
"complexion, if he chance to come by an officious zealot's
"house, might be put in the stocks only for looking fresh in a
" frosty morning."
pulsa, dignoscere cautus
Quid soliduiu crepet, et picta tectoria linguae.
Persius, Sat. v. 24.
Many persons, particularly the Dissenters, in our poet's time,
were fond of wearing black caps lined with white. See the
print of Baxter and others. These caps, however, were not pe-
culiar to the Protestant sectaries, nor always of a black color;
master Drurie, a Jesuit, who. with a hundred of his auditors,
lost his life, October 2(5, 1(323, by the sinking of the garret floor,
where he was preaching, is thus described : " When he had
"read (his text) he sat down in the chaire, and put upon his
" lieail a red quilt cap, having a linnen white one under it, turned
"up about the brims, and so undertooke his text."— The doleful
Evensong, by Thomas Good, 4to. This continued a fashion for
nianv years after.
t Tlie coif, or black worn on the head, is the badge of a Ser-
jeant at law.
t A club or junto, which wrote several books against the king,
consisting of five eminent holders forth, namely: Stephen Mar-
shall, Edmund Cultimy, Thomas Young, Matthew Newcomen.
and William Spurstow ; the initials of their names make the
word Smectvmnws : and, byway of distinction, they wore hand-
kerchiefs about their necks, which afterwards degenerated into
carnal era .ts. Hall, bishop of Exeter, presented an humble
remonstrance to the high court of parliament, in behalf of liturgy
and episcopacy ; which was answered by the junto under this
title. The Original of Liturgy and Episcopacy discussed by
SiiKCTYMNnus •, John Milton is supposed to have been concerned
in writing it.— For an account of Thomas Young, see Warton's
notes on Milton. — The five counsellors of Charles II. in the year
1070, Clifford, Arlington, Buckingham, Ashley, Lauderdale, were
called the Cabal, from the initials of their names.— Mr. Mark
Noble, in his Memoirs of the Cromwell Family, says, "When
"Oliver resided at St. Ives, he usually went to church with a
" piece of red fiannel about his neck, as he was subject to an in-
'flanvmation in his throat," p. 10.5, note.
166 HUDIBRAS. [Parti
Sure 'tis an orthodox opinion,
That grace is founded in dominion.*
Great piety consists in pride ; 1175
To rule is to be sanctify'd :
To domineer, and to controul,
Both o'er the body and the soul,
Is the most perfect discipline
Of church-rule, and by right divine. 1180
Bell and the Dragon's chaplains were
More moderate than those by far :t
For they, poor knaves, were glad to cheat,
To get their wives and children meat ;
But these will not be fobb'd off so, 1185
They must have wealth and power too ;
Or else, with blood and desolation.
They'll tear it out o' th' heart o' th" nation.
Sure these themselves from primitive
And heathen priesthood do derive, 1190
When butchers were the only clerks,t
Elders and presbyters of kirks ;
Whoso directory was to kill ;
And some believe it is so still.§
The only difF'rence is, that then 1195
They slaughter'd only beasts, now men.
For them to sacrifice a bullock,
Or, now and then, a child to Moloch,
They count a vile abomination.
But not to slaughter a whole nation. 1200
Presbytery does but translate
The papacy to a free state,
A common-wealth of popery,
Where cv'ry village is a see
As well as Rome, and must maintain 1205
A tithe-pig metropolitan ;
Where ev'ry presbyter, and deacon,
Commands the keys for cheese and bacon ;1|
* The Presbyterians had such an esteem for power, that they
thought those who obtained it showed a mark of grace ; and
that tliose (inly who had grace wore entitled to power.
t The priests, their wives, and children, feasted upon the pro
visions otleri'il to the idol, and pretended that he had devoured
them. See the Apocryplia.
J Both ill the betithen and Jewish sacrifices, the animal was
frequently slain by the priests.
^ A banter on the directory, or form of service drawn up by
tlie Presbyterians, and sub-tituled for the common prayer.
II Daniel Hurwss, dining with a gentlewoman of his congre-
gation, and a large uncut Cheshire cheese being brought to table,
he asked where he should cut it She replied, Where you
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 167
And ev'ry hamlet's governed
By's holiness, the church's head,* 1210
More haughty and severe in's place
Than Gregory and Boniface.t
Such ciuirch must, surely, be a monster
With many heads : for if we conster
What in th' Apocalypse we find, 1215
According to th' Apostles' mind,
'Tis that the Whore of Babylon,
With many heads did ride upon jt
Which lieads denote the sinful tribe
Of deacon, priest, lay-elder, scribe. 1220
Lay-elder, Simeon to Levi,§
p.«»ise, Mr. Burgess. Upon which he ordered his servant to carry
I •51 his own house, for he would cut it at home.
• The gentlemen of Cheshire sent a remonstrance to the par-
l\a:?»snt, wherein they complained, that, instead of having twen-
ty-.'s bishops, they were then governed by a numerous pres-
byters, amounting, with lay elders and others, to 40,000. This
goveri!.(ient, say they, is purely papal, for every minister exer-
cises tj».;ial jurisdiction. Dr. Grey quotes from Sir John Birken-
head re»^ved :
But never look for health nor peace
If once presbytery jade us,
When every priest becomes a pope,
When linkers and sow-gelders,
May, if they can but 'scape the rope,
Be princes and lay-elders.
f The j^rmer was consecrated in the year 1073, the latter
elected ii\ ■294. Two most insolent and assuming popes, who
wanted to raise the tiara above all the crowned heads in Chris
tendom. Gregory the Seventh, commonly called Hildebrand,
was the first who arrogated to himself the authority to excom-
muniiale and depose the emperor. Boniface the Third, was he
whfp assumed the title of universal bishop. Boniface the Eighth,
at the jubilee instituted by himself, appeared one day in the
habit of a pope, and the next day in that of an emperor. He
caused two swords to be carried before him, to show that he was
invested with all power ecclesiastical and temporal.
t The church of Rome has often been compared to the whore
of Babylon, mentioned in the seventeenth chapter of the Reve-
lation. The beast, which the whore rode upon, is here said to
signify the Presbyterian establishment ; and the seven, or many
heads of the beast, are interpreted, by the poet, to mean their
several officers, deacons, priests, scribes, lay-elders, &c.
§ That is, lay-elder, an associate to the priesthood, for inter-
ested, if not for iniquitous purposes ; alluding to Genesis xlix.
5, 6. "Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty
"are in their habitations: O, my soul, come not thou into their
" secret ; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united
"for in their anger they slew a man." Mr. Robert Gordon, in
his History of the illustrious family of Gordon, vol. ii. p. 197,
compares tlie solemn league and covenant with the holy league
in France : he says they were as like as one egg to another, the
one was nursed by the Jesuits, the other by the Scots Presbyte-
168 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
Whose little finger is as heavy
As loins of patriarchs, prince-prelate,
And bishop-secular.* This zealot
Is of a mungrel, diverse kind, 1225
Cleric before, and lay behind ;t
A lawless linsey-woolsey brother,!
Half of one order, half another ;
A creature of amphibious nature,
On land a beast, a fish in water ; 1230
That always preys on grace, or sin ;
A sheep witiiout, a wolf within.
This fierce inquisitor has chief
Dominion over men's belief
And manners ; can pronounce a saint 123j
Idolatrous, or ignorant.
When superciliously he sifts.
Through coarsest boulter, others gifts.§
for all men live, and judge amiss.
Whose talents jump not just with his. 1240
He'll lay on gifts with hand, and place
On dullest noddle light and grace.
The manufacture of the kirk,
Whose pastors are but th' handiwork
Of his mechanic paws, instilling 1245
Divinity in them by feeling.
From whence they start up chosen vessels,
Made by contact, as men get measles.
So cardinals, they say, do grope
At th' other end the new made pope.|| 1250
Hold, hold, quoth Hudibras, Soft fire.
They say, does make sweet malt. Good Squire,
Festina lente, not too fast ;
rians, Simeon and Levi. See Doughtie's VeUtationes PolemicsE,
p. 74.
* Such is the bishop and prince of Liege, and such are sev-
eral of the bishops in Germany. [179^.]
t A triflini; Ijoolv called a Key to Hiidihras, under the name of
Sir Roger L'Estrange, pretends to decipher all the characters in
the poem, and tells us that one Andrew Crawlbrd was here in-
tended. This character is supposed by others to have been
designed for William Dunning, a Scotch presbyter. But, proba-
bly, the author meant no more than to give a general represen-
tation of the lay-elders.
i Lawless, because it was forbidden by the Levitical law to
wear a mixture of linen and woollen in the same garment.
^ A bolter is a sieve by which the millers dress their flour.
II See, in Platina'.s Lives of the Popes, the well-known story
of pope Joan, or John VIII. The stercorary chair, as appears by
Burchard's Diary, was used at the installations of Innocent
VIU. and Sixtus IV. See Brequigny in account of MS. in the
French king's library, 8vo. 1769, vol. i. p. 210.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 169
For haste, tlie proverb saj's, makes waste.
Tlie quirks and cavils thou dost make 1255
Are false, and built upon mistake :
And I shall bring you, with your pack
Of fallacies, t' Elenciii back ;*
And put your arguments in mood
And figure to be understood. 1260
I'll force you by right ratiocinationt , /
To leave your vitilitigation,! / ^
And make you keep to the question close,
And argue dialecticujj.^
The question then, to state it first, 1265
Is, which is better, or which worst,
Synods or bears. Bears I avow
To be the worst, and synods thou.
But, to make good th' assertion,
Thou say'st th' are really all one, 1276
If so, not worst ; for if th' are idem,
Why then, tantundem dat tantidem.
For if they are the same, by course
Neither is better, neither worse.
But I deny they are the same, 1275
]\Iore than a maggot and I am.
That both are animalia,|l
I grant, but not rationalia :
For though they do agree in kind,
Specific difference we find ;ir 1280
* Elenchi are arguments which deceive under an appearance
of truth. The knight says he shall make the deception a[)pa-
rent. The nanje is given, by Aristotle, to those syllrjgisins
whicli have seemingly a fair, but in reality a contradictory con-
clusion. A chief design of Aristotle's logic is to establish rules
for the trial-of arguments, and to guard against sophism : for in
his time Zeno, I'armenides, and others, had set up a false metli-
od of reasoning, which he makes it his business to detect and
defeat.
I The poet makes «?«, in ratiocination, constitute but one syl-
lable, as in verse 1378, but in P. i. c. i. v. 78, he makes tio two
syllables.
% That is, your perverse humor of wrangling. Erasmus, in the
Muriel! encominni, has the following passage : " Etenim non de-
"erunt fortasse vitilitigatores, qui calumnientur partini leviores
"esse nugas quani ut Iheolnguni deceanl, partiiii mordaciores
" quam ut Christiana; conveniant niodestise." Vitilitigatores,
i. e. obtrectatores et caluniniatores, quos Cato, novato verbo, a
vitio et morbo litigandi vitilitigatores appellabat, ut testatur Plin.
in praefat. liistoriiu mundi.
% That is, logically.
II Suppose wc read :
That both indeed are animalia.
If Between animate and inanimate things, as between a man
8
170 HUDIBRAS. [Part i
And can no more make bears of these,
Than prove my horse is Socrates.*
Tliat synods are bear-gardens too,
Thou dost affirm ; but I say, No :
And thus I prove it, in a word, 1285
What s'ever assembly's not impow'r'd
To censure, curse, absolve, and ordain,
Can be no synod : but Bear-garden
Has no such pow'r, ergo 'tis none ;
And so thy sophistry's o'erthrown. 1290
But yet we are beside tlie question
Which thou didst raise the first contest on :
For that was. Whether bears are better
Than synod-men ? I say, Negatur.
That bears are beasts, and synods men, 1295
Is held by all : they're better then.
For bears and dogs on four legs go,
As beasts ; but synod-men on two.
'Tis true, they all have teeth and nails ;
But prove that synod-men have tails : 1300
Or that a rugged, shaggy fur
Grows o'er the hide of presbyter ;
Or that his snout and spacious ears
Do hold proportion with a bear's.
A bear's a savage beast, of all 1305
Most ugly and unnatural,
Whelp'd without form, until the dam
Has lickt it into shape and frame :t
But all thy light can ne'er evict,
and a tree, there is a generical difference ; that is, they are not
of the same kind or genus. Between rational and sensitive crea-
tures, as a man and a bear, there is a specifical difference ; for
though they agree in the genus of animals, or living creatures,
yet they differ in the species as to reason. Between two men,
Plato and Socrates, there is a numerical difference ; for, though
they are of the same species as rational creatures, yet they are
not one and the same, but two men. See Part ii. Canto i. 1. 150.
* Or that my horse is a man. Aristotle, in his disputations,
uses the word Socrates as an appellative for man in general.
From thence it was taken up in the schools.
t We must not expect our poet's philosophy to be strictly true :
it is sufficient that it agree with the notions commonly handed
down. Thus Ovid :
Nee catulus partu, quern reddidit ursa recenti,
Sed male viva caro est. Lambendo mater in artus
Fingit ; et in formam, quantum capit ipsa, reducit.
Metani. xv. 379.
Pliny, in his Natural History, lib. viii. c. .54, says : " Hi sunt
"Candida inl'uniiistiuc caro, paulo muriliu>; major, sine oculis,
"Bine pilo : ungues tanlum prominent: hanc lambendo paula
\y
V
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 171
That ever synod-man was lickt, 1310
Or brought to any other fashion
Than his own will and inchnation.
But thou dost further yet in this
Oppugn thyself and sense ; that is,
Thou would'st have presbyters to go 1315
For bears and dogs, and bearwards too ;
A strange chimsera* of beasts and men,
Made up of pieces het'rogene ;
Such as in nature never met.
In eodem subjecto yet. 1320
Thy other arguments are all
Supposures hypothetical,
That do but beg ; and we may chuse
, Either to grant them, or refuse.
Much thou hast said, which I know when, 1325
And where thou stol'st from other men ;
i Whereby 'tis plain thy light and gifts
■ Are all but plagiary shifts ;
And is the same that Ranter said,
Who, arguing with me, broke my head,t 1330
And tore a handful of my beard ;
The self-same cavils then I heard,
When b'ing in hot dispute about
This controversy, we fell out ;
And what thou know'st I answer'd then 1335
Will serve to answer thee agen.
I Quoth Ralpho, Notiiing but th' abuse
I Of human learning you produce ;
/ Learning, that cobweb of the brain,
' Profane, erroneous, and vain ;t 1340
■• lim figurant." But this silly opinion is refuted hy Brown in his
Vulgar Errors, book ill. ch. 6.
* ChiniEera was a fabulous monster, thus described by Homer :
■ ij ^' ap' CIV Bciov yii'og, obi' ovOpojTrwv
UpdaQe Xib)V, omOzv il iodKmv, fiicatj il x'V""?"-
Iliad, vi. 180.
Eustathius, on the passaiie, has abundance of Greek learning
Hesiod has given the chimirra three heads. Theot;. 319.
t The ranters were a wild sect, that denied all doctrines of re-
ligion, natural and revealed. With one of these the knight had
entered into a dispute, and at last came to blows. See a ranter's
character in Butler's Posthumous Works. Whitclockc says,
the soldiers in the parliament army were frequently punished
for being ranters. iVero clothed Christians in the skins of wild
beasts ; hut these wrapped wild beasts in the skins of Christians.
t Dr. South, in his sermon preached in Weslminster Abbey,
1602, says, speaking of the limes about 50 years before, Latin
unto them was a mortal crime, and Greek looked upon as a sin
172 HUDIBRAS. [Part s
A trade of knowledge as replete,
As others are with fraud and cheat :
against the Hnly Ghost ; that all learning was then cried down,
so that with them the best preachers were s;:ch as could not
read, and the ablest divines such as could not write : in all their
preachments they so highly pretended tn the spirit, that they
hardly could spell the letter. To be blind, was with them the
pro|)er qualification of a spiritual cuide, and to be book-learned,
(as they called it,) and to be irreligious, were almost terms con-
vertible. None were thought fit for the miiiislry but tradesn.en
and mechanics, because none else were allowed to h.ive the
spirit. Those only were accounted like St. Paul who could work
with their hands, and, in a literal sense, drive the nail home, and
be able to make a pulpit before they preached in it.
The Independents and Anabaptists were great enemies to all
hnnian learning : they thought that preaching, and every thing
else, was to come by inspiration.
When Jack Cade ordered lord Say's head to be struck ofT, he
said to him : " I am the besom that must sweep the court clean
"of such filth as thou art. Thou hast most traiterously corrupt-
" ed the youth of the realm, in erecting a grammar-school ; and
"whereas, before, our forefathers had no other books, but the
"score and the tally, thou hast caused printing to be used ; and,
"contrary to the king, his crown and dignitv, thou hast built a
"paper-mill. It will be proved to thy face, 'that thou hast men
"about thee, that usually talk of a noun and a verb; and such
"abominable words as no Christian ear can endure to hear."
Henry VI. Part 11. Act iv. sc. 7. In Mr. Butler's MS. I find the
following reflections on this subject :
" Thf modern doctrine of the court, that men's natural parts
are rather ill! ();ured than improved by study and learning, is ri-
diculously false ; and the design of it as plain as its ignorant
nonsense— no more than what the levellers and Quakers fonnd
out before theni : that is, to bring down all other men, whom
they have no possibility of coming near any other way, to an
equality with themselves; that no man may he thought to re-
ceive any advantage by that which they, with all their confi-
dence, dare not pretend to.
"It is true that some learned men, by their want of judgment
and discretion, will sometimes do and say things that appear ri-
diculous to those who are entirely ignorant : but he, who from
hence takes measure of all others, is most indiscreet. For no
one can make another man's want of reason a just cause for not
improving his own, but he who would have been as little the
better f;)r it, if he had taken the same pains.
"He is a fool that has nothing of philosophy in him ; but not
so much so as he who has nothing else but philosophy.
" He that has less learning than his capacity is able to manage,
shall have more use of it than he that has more thiin he can
master; for no man can i)ossibly have a ready and active com-
mand of that which is too heavy for him, aiii ultra facilitates
sapit, desipit. Sense and reason are too chargeable for the ordi-
nary occasions of scholars, and what thev are not able to go to
the e.\pense of : therefore met;iphysics are better for their pur-
poses, as being cheap, which any dunce in;iy bear the exiienseof,
and which make a better noise in the ears of the ignorant than
that which is true and right. Non qui plurima, sed qui utilia
legerunt, eruditi liabendi.
" A blind man knows he cannot see, and is glad to be le^
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 173
An art t' incumber gifts and wit,
And render both for nothing fit ;
though it be but by a dog ; but he that is blind in his understand-
ing, which is ihe worst blindness of all, believes he sees as well
as the best ; and scorns a guide.
"Men glory in that which is their infelicity.— Learning Greek
and Latin, to understand tbe sciences contained in them, which
commonly proves no belter bargain than he makes, who breaks
his teeth to crack a nut, which has nothing but a maggot in it.
He that hath many languages to e.xpress his thoughts, but no
ihoughts worth e.\pressing, is like one who can write a good
hand, but never the better sense ; or one who can cast up any
sums of money, but has none to reckon.
"They who study mathematics only to fix their minds, and
render them steadier to apply to other things, as there are many
who profess to do, are as wise as those who think, by rowing in
boats, to learn to swim.
" He that has made an hasty march through most arts and
sciences, is like an ill captain, who leaves garrisons aud strong-
holds behind him."
" The arts and sciences are only tools.
Which students do their business with in schools :
Although great men have said, 'tis more abstruse,
And hard to understand them, than their use.
And though they were intended but in order
To better things, few ever venture further.
But as all good designs are so accurst,
The best intended often prove the worst ;
So what was meant t' improve the world, quite cross,
Has turn'd to its calamity and loss.
" The greatest part of learning's only meant
For curiosity and ornament.
And therefore most pretending virtuosos.
Like Indians, bore Iheir lips and flat their noses.
When 'tis their artificial want of wit,
That spoils their work, instead of mending it.
To prove by syllogism is but to spell,
A proposition like a syllable.
"Critics esteem no sciences so noble,
As worn-out languages, to vamp and cobble.
And when they had corrected all old copies,
To cut themselves out work, made new and foppish,
Assum'd an arbitrary power t' invent
And overdo what th' author never meant.
Could find a deeper, subtler meaning out.
Than th' innocentest writer ever thought.
"Good scholars are but journeymen to nature,
That shows them all their tricks to imitate her:
Though some mistake the reason sho jjroposes,
And make them imitate their virtuosos.
And arts an<l sciences are but a kind
Of trade and occupation of Ihe mind:
An e.xercise by which mankind is taught
The discipline and management of thought
To best advantages; and takes its lesson
From nature, or her secretary reason, —
Is both the best, or worst way of instructing,
174 HUDIBilAS. [Part i
Makes lijrht nnactive, dull and troubled, 1345
Like little David in Saul's doublet ;*
A cheat that scholars put upon
Other men's reason and their own ;
A sort of error to ensconce
Absurdity and ignorance, 1350
That renders all the avenues
To truth impervious, and abstrus",
By making plain things, in debate,
I By art perplex'd and intricate :
f for nothing goes for sense or light 1355
That will not with old rules jump righ ,
As if rules were not in the schools
Deriv'd from truth but truth from rules.1
This pagan, heathenish invention
Is good for nothing but contention. 1360
For as in sword-and-buckler fight,
All blows do on the target light ;
So when men argue, the great'st part
O' th' contest falls on terms of art.
Until the fustian stuff be spent, 1365
And then they fall to th' argument.
Quoth Hudibras, Friend Ralph, thou hast
Out-run the constable at last ;
For thou art fallen on a new
Dispute, as senseless as untrue, 1370
But to the former opposite.
And contrary as black to white ;
Mere disparata,! that concerning
Presbytery, this human learning ;
As men mistake or understand her doctrine :
That as it happens proves the legerdemain,
Or practical dexterity of the brain :
And renders all that have to do with books,
The fairest gamesters, or the falsest rooks.
For there's a wide and a vast ditierence,
Between a man's own, and another's sense ;
As is of those that drive a trade upon
Other men's reputation and their own.
And as more cheats are used in public stocks,
So those that trade upon account of books.
Are greater rooks than he who singly deals
Upon his own account and nothing steals."
* See 1 Samuel xvii. 38.
t Bishop VVarburton in a note on these lines, says : "This ob-
"servation is just, the loijicians have run into strange absurdi-
" ties of this kind : Peter Ramus, the best of them, in his Logic,
" rejects a very just argument of Cicero's as sophistical, because
" it did not jump right with his rules."
i Things totally ditlerent from each other.
Canto m.l HUDIBRAS. 175
Two things s' averse, they never yet, 1375
But ill thy rambling fancy, met.
But I shall take a fit occasion
T' evince thee by ratiocination,
Some other time, in place more proper
Than this w' are in : therefore let's stop here. 1380
And rest our wearj''d bones awhile.
Already tir'd with other toll.
PART II. CANTO I.
THE ARGUMENT.
The Knight clapp'd by th' heels in prison,
The last unhappy expedition,*
Love brings his action on the case,t
And lays it upon Hudibras.
How he receives the lady's visit,
And cunningly solicits his suit,
Which she defers ; yet, on parole.
Redeems him from th' enchanted hole.
* In the author's cnrrecttd copy, printed 1674, the lines stand
Ihiis ; Imt in the edition printed ten years before, we read :
Tlie knight, by damnable magician,
Being cast illegally in prison.
In the edition of 1704 the old reading was restored, but we
have in general used the author's corrected copy.
t We may observe liow justly Mr. Butler, who was an able
lawyer, applies all law terms. — An action on the case, is a gen-
eral action given for redress of wrongs and injuries, done with-
out force, and by law not provided against, in order to have sat-
isfaction lor damages. The author informs us, in his own note,
at the beginning of this canto, that he had the fourth .iEneis of
Virgil in view, which passes from the tumults of war and the
fatigues of a dangerous voyage, to the tender subject of love.
The French translator has divided the poem into nine cantos,
and not into parts : but, as the poet published his work at three
different times, and in his corrected copy continued the division
into jiarts, it is taking loo great a liberty for any commentator to
alter tliiit a^rransement ; especially as he might do it, as before
observed, in iiui! uion of Spenser, and the Italian and Spanish
poets, Tasso, Ariosto, Alonso do Ercilla, Jtc. ifcc.
H U D I B R A S .
CANTO I.
Bur now, t' observe romantiqiie method,
Let rusty steel awhile be sheathed ;
And all those harsh and rugged sounds*
Of bastinadoes, cuts, and wounds,
Exchang'd to love's more gentle style, 5
To let our reader breathe awhile :
In which, that we may be as brief as
Is possible, by way of preface.
Is't not enough to make one strange, t
That some men's fancies should ne'er change, 10
But make all people do and say
The same things still the self-same way U
Some writers make all ladies purloin'd,
And knights pursuing like a whirlwind :
Others make all their knights, in fits 15
Of jealousy, to lose their wits ;
Till drawing blood o' th' dames, like witches,
They're forthwith cur'd of their capriches.§
Some always thrive in their amours,
By pulling plasters off their sores ;11 20
* Shakspeare says,
"Our stern alarums chanft'd to merry meelines,
" Our dreadful marches to delightful measures."
Richard 111. Act i. sc. 1.
I That is, to make one wonder ; strange, here, is an adjective ;
when a man sees a new or unexpected object, he is said to be
strange to it.
t Few men have genius enough to vary their style ; both poets
and painters are very apt to be mannerists.
§ It was a vulgar notion that, if you drew blood from a witch,
she could not hurt you. Thus (;ieveland, in his Rebel Scot:
Scots are like witches ; do but whet your pen.
Scratch till the blood comes, they'll not hurt you then.
II By shewing their wounds to the ladies — [who, it must be
remembered, in the timesof chivalry, were instructed in surgery
and the healing art. In the romance of Perceforest a young lady
puts in the dislocated arm of a knight.]
8*
178 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
As cripples do to get an alms,
Just so do they, and win their dames.
Some force whole regions, in despite
O' geograpiiy, to change their site ;
Make former times shake hands with latter, 25
And that which was before come after ;*
I But those that write in rhyme still make
I The one verse for the other's sake ;
For one for sense, and one for rhyme,
I think's sufficient at one time. 30
But we forget in what sad plight
We whilom left the captiv'd Knight
And pensive Squire, both bruis'd in body,
And conjur'd into safe custody.
Tir'd with dispute, and speaking Latin, 35
As well as basting and bear-baiting.
And desperate of any course,
To free himself by wit or force,
His only solace was, that now
His dog-bolt fortune was so low, 40
That either it must quickly end,
\ Or turn about again, and mend :t r
In which he found th' event, no less
Than other times, beside his guess.
* These were common faults with romance writers : even
Shakspeare and Virgil have not wholly avoided them. The for-
mer transports his characters, in a quarter of an hour, from
France to England : the latter has formed an intrigue between
Dido and yEneas, who probably lived in very distant periods.
The Spanish writers are complained of for these errors. Don
Cluixote, vol. ii. ch. 21.
t It was a maxim among the Stoic philosophers, many of
whose tenets seem to be adopted by our knight, that things
which were violent could not be lasting. Si longaest, levis est;
si gravis est, brevis est. The term dug-bolt, may be taken from
the situation of a rabbit, or other animal, that is forced from its
hole by a dog, and then said to bolt. Unless it ought to have
been written dolg-bote, which in the Saxon law signilies a rec-
ompense for a hurt or injury. — Cyclopaedia. In English, dog, in
coinposition, like ihs in Greek, implies that the thing denoted by
the noun annexed to it. is vile, bad, savage, or unfortunate in its
kind : thus dog-rose, dos-latin, dog-trick, dog-cheap, and many
others. [Archdeacon Nares considers dog-bolt evidently as a
term of reproach, and gives quotations from Johnson to that ef-
fect, and adds, that no compound of dog and bolt, in any sense,
appears to alliird an interpretation of it. The happiest illustra-
tion of the text is atibrded by .'\rchdeacon Todd from Beaumont
and Fletcher's Spanish Curate :
" For to say truth, the lawyer is a dogbolt,
" An arrant worm."l
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 179
There is a tall loug-sided dame,* 45
But wond'rous light — ycleped Fame,
That like a thin camelion boards
Herself on air,t and eats her words jt
Upon her shoulders wings she wears
Like hanging sleeves, lin'd thro' with ears, 50
And eyes, and tongues, as poets list.
Made good by deep mythologist :
With these she through the welkin flies,^
And sometimes carries truth, oft' lies ;
With letters hung, like eastern pigeons, 1| 55
And Mercuries of furthest regions ;
* Our author has evidently followed Virgil (.-Eneid. iv.) in
some parts of this description of Fame. Thus :
Ingrediturque solo, et caput inter nuljila condit.
malum qua non aliud velocius ullum :
Mobilitate viget, viresque acquirit eundo.
pedibus celereni et pernicihus alls.
cui, quot sunt corpore pluma?,
Tot vigiles oculi subter, mirabile dictu,
Tot lingusE, totidem ora sonant, tot subriget auras.
Tarn ficti pravique tenax qiiam nuntia veri.
t The vulgar notion is. that camelions live on air ; but they
are known to feed on flies, caterpillars, and other insects.
t Mr. Warburton has an ingenious note on this passage. "The
" beauty of it," he says, " consists in the double meaning ; the
" first alluding to Fame's living on report ; the second, an insin-
" uation that, if a report is narrowly inquired into, and traced up
" to the original author, it is made to contradict itself"
§ Welkin is derived from the Anglo-Sa.xon wolc, wulcn, clouds.
[Lye gives as one meaning of wolc, aer, a;ther, firnuimentum.
The welkin.] It is used, in general, by the English poets, for we
seldom meet with it in prose, to denote the sky or visible region
of the air. But Chaucer seems to distinguish between sky and
welkin :
He let a certaine winde ygcc
That blew so hideously and hie.
That it ne iefte not a skie, (cloud,)
In all the welkin long and brode.
II Every one has heard of the pigeons of Aleppo, which served
as couriers. The birds were taken from their young ones, and
conveyed to any distant place in open cages. If it was necessary
to send home any intelligence, a pigeon was let loose, with a
billet tied to her foot, and'she flew back with the utmost e.\pe-
dition. They would return in ten hours from Ale.vandretto to
Aleppo, and in two days from Bagdad. Savary says they have
traversed the former in the space of five or six hours. This
method was practised at Mutina, when besieged by Antony
See Pliny's Natural History, lib. x. 37. Anacreon's Dove says,
she was employed to carry love-letters for her master.
Kai vvv o'lai iKtlvn
^TZi^oXas Konii,(i>.
Brunck. Analect. torn. 1.
180 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
Diurnals writ for regulation
Of lying, to inform tlie nation,*
And by their public nse to bring down
The rate of wlietstoues in the kingdom -.t 60
About her neck a pacquet-male,1;
Fraught with advice, some fresh, some stale,
Of men that walk'd when they were dead,
And cows of monsters brought to bed :
Of hail-stones big as pullets' eggs, 65
And puppies wlielp'd with twice two legs :§
A blazing star seen in the west.
By six or seven men at least.
Two trumpets she does sound at once,||
* The newspapers of those times, called Mercuries and Diur-
nals, were not more authentic than similar publications are at
present. Each party hail its Mercuries : there was Mercurius
Rusticus, and Rlercurius Auliiuis.
t The observations on the learning of Shakspeare will explain
this passage. We there read : " A happy talent for lyin;;, familiar
" enough to those men of tire, who looked on every one graver
"than themselves as their whetstone." This, you may remem-
ber, is a proverbial term, denoting an e.\citement to lying, or a
subject that gave a man an opportunity of breaking a jest upon
another.
fungar vice cotis. Hor. Ars Poet. 1. 304.
Thus Shakspeare makes Celia reply to Rosalind upon the
entry of the Clown: "Fortune hath sent this natural for our
" whetstone ; for always the dulness of the fool is the whetstone
"of the wits." And Jonson, alluding to the ;ame, in the char-
acter of Amorphus, says : " He will lye cheaper than any beggar,
"and louder than any clock ; for which he is right properly ac-
"commodated to the whetstone, his page."— " This," says Mr.
Warburton, "will e.xplain a smart repartee of Sir Francis Bacon
" before king James, to whom Sir Kenelm Digby was relating,
" that he had seen the true philosopher's stone in the possession
"of a hermit in Italy: when the king w-as very curious to know
" what sort of a stone it was, and Sir Kenelm much puzzled in
" describing it. Sir Francis Bacon said : ' Perhaps it was a whet-
"' stone.'"
"To lie, for a whetstone, at Temple Sowerby, in Westmore-
"land." See Sir J. Harington's Brief View, p. 179. E.xraoor
Courtship, p. 26, n.
[It is a custom in the north, when a man tells the greatest lie
in the company, to reward hijn with a ichetstone ; which is
called lying for the whetstone- Budworth's Fortnight's Randile
to the Lakes, chap. 6, 1792.]
X This is a good trait in the character of Fame : laden with
reports, as a post-boy with letters in his male. The word male
is derived from the Greek yiijXov, ovis ; ftriXinTr], pellis ovina;
because made of leather, frequently sheep skin : hence the
French word maille, now written in English, mail
^ To make this story wonderful as the rest, ought we not to
read — thrice two, or twice four legs 1
II In Pope's Temple of Fame, she has the trumpet of eternal
praise, and the trumpet of slander. Chaucer makes .^Eolus an
CiJSTO I.] HUDIBRAS. 181
But both of clean contrary tones ; 70
But whether both witli the same wind,
Or one before, and one behind,*
We know not, only this can tell.
The one sounds vilely, th' other well.
And therefore vulgar authors name 75
The one Good, tli' other Evil Fame.
This tattling gossipt knew too well.
What mischief Hudibras befel ;
And straight the spightful tidings bears,
Of all, to th' unkind widow's ears.t 80
Democritus ne'er laugh'd so loud,§
To see bawds carted through the crowd,
Or funerals v.'ith stately pomp,
March slowly on in solemn dump.
As she laugh'd out, until her back, 83
As well as sides, was like to crack.
She vow'd she would go see the sight.
And visit the distressed Knight,
To do the office of a neighbour.
And be a gossip at his labour ; 90
And from his wooden jail, the stocks.
To set at large his fetter-locks.
And by exchange, parole, or ransom,
To free him from th' enchanted mansion.
This b'ing resolv'd, she call'd for hood 95
And usher, implements ab:oadl|
Which ladies wear, beside a slender
Young waiting damsel to attend her.
attendant on Fame, and blow the clarion of laud and the clarion
of slander, alternately, according to her directions : the latter is
described as l)lacl< and stinklne.
* This Hudibrastick description is imitated, but very un-
equally, by Cotton, in his Travesty of the fourth book of Virgil.
t Gossip or god-sib is a Saxon word, signifying cognata ex
parte dei, or szodniother. It is now likewise become an appella-
tion for any idle woman. Tattle, i. e. sine modo garrire.
X Protinus ad regem cursus detorquet larban,
Incenditqiie animum diclis. Virg. .^n. iv. 190.
§ Perpetiio risu pulmonem pigitare solebat
Democritus
Ridebat curas, nee non et itaudia vulgi,
Interdum et lacrymas. Juv. Sat. x. 34-51.
II Some have doubted whether the viford usher denotes an
attendant, or part of her dress , but ifcom P. iii. c. iii. 1. 399, it is
plain that it signifies the former.
Beside two more of her retinue,
To testify what pass'd between yoii.
182 HUDIBRAS. [Part i;
All which appearing, on she went
To find the Kniglit in limbo pent. IOC
And 'twas not long before she found
Him, and his stout Squire, in the pound ;
Both coupled in encluinted tether,
By further leg behind together:
For as he set upon his rump, 105
His head, like one in doleful dump.
Between his knees, his hands apply'd
Unto his ears on either side,
And by him, in another hole.
Afflicted Ralpho, cheek by joul,* 110
She came upon him in iiis wooden
Magician's circle, on the sudden,
As spirits do t' a conjurer.
When in their dreadful shapes th' appear.
No sooner did the Knight perceive her, 115
But straight he fell into a fever,
Infiam'd all over with disgrace.
To be seen by her in such a place ;
Which made him hang his head, and scowl,
And wink and goggle like an owl ; 120
He felt his brains begin to swim,
When thus the Dame accosted him : ,
Tiiis place, quoth she, they say's enchanted,
And with delinquent spirits haunted ;
Th.at iiere are ty'd in chains, and scourg'd, 125
Until tlieir guilty crimes be purg'd :
Look, there are two of them appear
Like persons I have seen somewhere :
Some have mistaken blocks and posts
For spectres, apparitions, ghosts, 130
With saucer-eyes and horns ; and some
Have heard the devil beat a drum :t
But if our eyes are not false glasses,
That give a wrong account of faces,
That beard and I should be acquainted, 135
Before 'twas conjur'd and enchanted.
For though it be disfigur'd somewhat,
As if 't had lately been in combat,
* That is, cheek to cheek ; sometimes pronoiincefl jig by jolc ;
Imt here properly written, and derived, from two Anglo-Saxon
words, ceac, maxilla, and ciol, or ciole, gutlur.
t The story of Mr. Monipesson's house being haunted by a
ilruninier, made a great noise about the time oui- author wrote
The narrative is in Mr. Glanvil's book of Witchcraft.
Canto i.] HUDlliRAS. 1S3
It did belong t' a worthy Knight,
Howe'er tiiis goblin is come by't. 140
Wiiou Hiulibras the Lady heard
To take kind notice of liis beard,
And speak with svich respect and honour,
Both of the beard and the beard's owner,*
He thought it best to set as good 145
A face upon it as he cou'd.
And tiius he spoke : Lady, your bright
And radiant eyes are in the right ;
The beard's th' identique beard you knew,
The same numerically true : 150
Nor is it worn by fiend or elf,
But its proprietor himself.
O heavens ! quoth she, can that be true ?
I do begin to fear 'tis you ;
Not by your individual whiskers, 155
But by your dialect and discourse,
That never spoke to man or beast,
In notions vulgarly exprest :
* See the dignity of the beard maintained by Dr. Biilwcr in
•lis Artilicial C'han<.'eling, p. 190. lie sny.s, shaving the chin is
justly to be accounted a note of elVeininacy, as appears by cu-
nnchs, who produce not a beard, the sign of virility. Alexander,
anil his officers did not shave their beards till they were eflenii-
nated by Persian lu.xury. It was late before barbers were in
request at Rome : they first came from Sicily 454 years after the
foundation of Rome. Varro tells us they were introduced by
Ticinius Mena. Scipio Africanus was the first who shaved his
face every day: the emperor Augustus used this practice. See
Pliny's Nat. Hist. b. vii. c. 59. Diogenes seeing one with a
smooth shaved chin, said to him. " llast thou whereof to accuse
" nature fur making thee a man and not a woman V — The Itho-
dians and Byzantines, contrary to the practice of modern Rus-
sians, persisted against their laws and edicts in shaving, and the
use of the razor. — Ulmus de fine barbas humanfe, is of opinion,
that the beard seems not merely for ornament, or age, or se.t, not
for covering nor cleanliness, but to serve the office of the human
soul. And that nature gave to mankind a beard, that it might
remain as an inde.x in the face of the masculine generative fac-
ulty.— Beard-haters are by Barclay clapped on board the ship of
fools :
Laudis erat quandam barbatos esse parentes
Atque supercilium mento gestare pudico
Socratis exemplo, barbara nutrire solebant
Cultores sophiae.
False hair was worn by the Roman ladies. Martial says :
Jurat capillos esse, quos emit, suos
Fabulla nunquid ilia, Paulle, pejerat.
And again : Ovid, de Art. Amandi, iii. 165:
Foeinina procedit densissima crinibus emptis;
Proque suis alios efficit iere suos :
Nee pudor est emisse palam.
184 HUUIBRAS. [Part u.
But what malignant star, alas !
Has brought you both to Ihis sad pass? 160
Quoth he, Tlie fortune of the war,
Which I am less atHicted for,
Than to be seen with beard and face
By you in such a homely case.
Quoth she. Those need not be asham'd 165
For being honourably maim'd ;
If he that is in battle conquer'd.
Have any title to his own beard,
Tho' yours be sorely lugg'd and torn,
It does your visage more adorn 170
Than if 'twere prun'd, and starch'd and lander'd.
And cut sc,uare by the Russian standard.*
A torn beard's like a tatter'd ensign,
That's bravest which tliere are most rents in.
That petticoat, about your shoulders, 175
Does not so well become a soldier's ;
And I'm afraid they are worse handled,
Altho' i' th' rear, your beard the van led ;t
And those uneasy bruises make
My heart for company to ake, 180
To see so worshipful a friend
I' th' pillory set, at the wrong end.
Quoth Hudibras, This thing call'd pain,t
Is, as the learned stoics maintain.
Not bad simpliciter, nor good, 185
But merely as 'tis understood.
Sense is deceitful, and may feign
As well in counterfeiting pain
As other gross phoBnomenas,
In which it oft' mistakes the case. 190
But since th' immortal intellect,
That's free from error and defect,
* The beans in the reign of James I. and Charles I. spent as
much time in dressing their beards, as modern lieaus dii in dress-
ing tlieir hair; and many of them kept a person to read to them
while the operation was performing. It is well iinown wliat
great difficulty the Czar Peter of Russia met with in obliging his
subjects to cut off their beards.
t The van is tlie front or fore part of an army, and commonly
the post of danger and honor ; the rear the hinder part, t^o that
making a front in the rear must be retreating from the enemy.
By this comical expression the laily signifies that he turned laij
to them, by which means liis shoulders sped worse than los
beard.
t Some tenets of tlie stoic philosophers are here burlesqued
with great hunjor
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 185
Whose objects still persist the same,
Is free from outward bruise or maim,
Which nought external can expose 195
To gross material bangs or blows,
It follows we can ne'er be sure
Whether we pain or not endure ;
And just so far are sore and griev'd,
As by the fancy is believ'd. 200
Some have been wounded with conceit,
And died of mere opinion straight ;*
Others, tho' wounded sore in reason.
Felt no contusion, nor discretion.t
A Saxon Duke did grow so fat, 205
That mice, as histories relate.
Ate grots and labyrinths to dwell in
His postique parts, without his feeling ;
Then how is"t possible a kick
Should e'er reach that way to the quick ?t 210
Quoth she, I grant it is in vain,
For one that's basted to feel pain ;
Because the pangs his bones endure.
Contribute nothing to the cure ;
Yet honour hurt is wont to rage 215
With pain no med'cine can assuage.
Quoth he, That honour's very squeamish
That takes a basting for a blemish :
* In Grey's.note on this passage there are several stories of
this sort ; of which the most remarlialile is the case of the Chev-
ilier Jarre, " who was npnn the scaffuld at Troyes, had his hair
" cut off. the handkerchief before his eyes, and the sword in the
" executioner's hand to cut off his head ; hut the king pardoned
" hini ; lieing taken up, his fear had so taken hold of him, that
" he could not stand nor speak : they led him to bed, and opened
" a vein, but no blood would come." Lord Stafford's Letters,
vol. i. p. 166.
t -As it is here stopped, it signifies, others though really and
sorely wounded, (see the Lady's Answer, line -212) felt no bruise
or cut : but if we put a semicolon after sore, and no stop after
reason, the meaning may be, others though wounded sore in body,
yet in mind or imagination felt no bruise or cut. Discretion,
here signifies a cut, or separation of parts.
+ He justly argues from this story, that if a man could be so
gnawed and mangled in those parts, without his feeling it, a
kick in the same place would not much hurt him. See Butler's
Remains, vol. i. p. 31, where it is asserted, that the note in the
old editions is by Butler himself. I cannot fix this story on any
particular duke of Saxony. It may be paralleled by the case of
an interior animal, as related by a pretended eye-witness. — In
Arcadia scio me esse spectatum suem, quffi prie pinguedine car-
nis, non modo surgere non posset ; sed etiani ut in ejus corpore
sorex, exesa came, nidum fecisset, et peperissit mures. Varro,
ii. 4, 12.
186 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
For what's more honourable than scars,
Or skin to tatters rent in wars? 220
Some liave been beaten till they know
What wood a cudgel's of by th' blow ;
Some kick'd, until they can feel whether
A shoe be Spanish or neat's leather :
And yet have met, after long running, 225
With some whom they have taught that cunning.
The furthest way about, t' o'ercome,
I' th' end does prove the nearest home.
Bj' laws of learned duellists.
They tiiat are bruis'd with wood, or fists, 230
And think one beating may for once
Suffice, are cowards and poltroons :
But if they dare engage t' a second,
They're stout and gallant fellows reckon'd
Th' old Romans freedom did bestow, 235
Our princes worship, with a blow :*
King Pja'rhus cur'd his splenetic
And testy courtiers with a kick.t
* One form of declaring a slave free, at Rome, was for the
prstor, in the presence of certain persons, to give the slave a light
stroke with a small stick, from its use called vindicta.
Tune mihi dominus, rerum imperils hominunique
Tot tantisque minor ; quern ter vindicta quaterque
Imposita haud unquam raisera fonuidine privet "!
Herat. Sat. ii. 7, 75.
Vindicta, postquam meus a prietore recessi,
Cur mihi non liceat jussit quodcunque voluntas.
Persius, v. 88.
Sometimes freedom was given by an alapa, or blow with the
open hand upon the face or head :
qiiibus una QuirUem
Vertigo facit. Pers. v. 75.
Quos inanumittebant eos, Alapa percusses, circumagebant et
liberos cnntirmabant : from hence, perhaps, came the saying of
a man's being giddy, or having his head turned with his good
fortune.
Verterit hunc dominus, memento turbinis exit
Marcus Dama. Pers. v. 78.
t It was a general belief that he could cure the spleen by
sacrificing a white cock, and with his right foot gently pressing
the spleen of the persons, laid down on their backs, a little on
one side. Nor was any so poor and inconsiderable as not to
receive the benefit of his royal touch, if he desired it. The
.toe nf that foot was said to have a divine virtue, for after his
death the rest of his body being consumed, this was found un-
hurt and untouched by the tire. Vid. Plutarch, in Vita Pyrrhi,
sub initio.
Canto ] HUDIBRAS. 187
The Neg-us,* when some mighty lord
Or potentate's to bo restor'd, 210
And pardon'd for some great offence,
Witli wliicli he"s willing to dispense,
First has him laid upon his belly,
Then beaten back and side, t' a jelly ;t
That done, he rises, humbly bows, 245
And gives thanks for the princely blows ;
Departs not meanly proud, and boasting
Of his magnificent rib-roasting.
The beaten soldier proves most manful,
That, like his sword, endures the anvil, t 2rii>
And justly's found so formidable,
The more his valour's malleable :
But he that fears a bastinado.
Will run away from his own shadow :§
And though I'm now in durance fast, 255
By our own party basely cast.
Ransom, exchange, parole, refus'd.
And worst than by the en'my us'd ;
In close catastall shut, past hope
Of wit or valour to elope ; 260
As beards, the nearer that they tend
To th' earth, still grow more reverend ;
And cannons shoot the higher pitches.
The lower we let down their breeches ;
I'll make this low dejected fate 265
Advance me to a greater height.lT
Quoth she. You've almost made m' In love . /
With that which did my pity move.
Great wits and valours, like great states,
* Negus was king of Abyssinia.
t This story is told in Le Blanc's Travels, Part ii. ch. 4.
t TVTTTtadat, fivSpos
viTOiiti'£tv vXiJYas, aK^wv.
See the character of a parasite in the Comic Fragments, Grot,
dicta Poetariiiii apud Htoba'iini.
^ TIjc fury of Bucephalus proceeded from the fear of his own
shadow, llahclais, vol. i. c. 14.
II A cage or prison wherein slaves were exposed for sale :
ne sit praestantior alter
Cappadocas rigida pingues plausisse catasta.
Persius, vi. 76.
TlpaTTMV KoKuig Xiav advixijarj Tzore.
'laos yap ayadob tovto Trp6<paaii yivtrai.
Menand. Fragm. p. 108.
188 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
Do sometimes sink with their own weights :* 270
Th' extremes of glory and of shame,
Like east and west, become the same.t
No Indian prince has to his palace
More followers than a thief to the gallows.
But if a beating seems so brave, 275
What glories must a whipping have?
Such great atchievements cannot fail
To cast salt on a woman's tail :t
For if I thought your nat'ral talent
Of passive courage were so gallant, 280
As j^ou strain hard to have it thought,
I could grow amorous, and dote.
When Hudibras this language heard.
He prick'd up"s oars, and strok'd his beard ;
Thought he, this is the lucky hour, 285
Wines work when vines are in the flower :§
This crisis then I'll set my rest on.
And put her boldly to the quest'on.
Madam, what you would seem to doubt
Shall be to all the world made out, 290
How I've been drubb'd, and with what spirit,
And magnanimity I bear it ;
And if you doubt it to be true,
I'll stake myself down against you :
And if I fail in love or troth, 1| 295
Be you the winner and take both.
* Suis et ipsa Roma viribus ruit. Hor. Ep. xvi.
t That is, glory and shame, which are as opposite as east and
.vest, become the same as in the two follow iiig verses :
No Inflian prince has to his palace
ftlore followers than a thief to the gallows.
t Alluding to the common saying:— Yon will catch the bird
f you throw salt on his tail.
^ A proverbial expression for the fairest and best opportunity
of doing any thing. It is a common observation among brewers,
distillers of Geneva, and vinegar makers, that their liquors fer-
ment i)est when the plants used in them are in the flower. Boer-
haave's Chem. 4to. p. 288. Hudibras vainly compares himself
to the vine in flower, for he thinks he has set the widow fer-
menting. Willis de Ferment, says, Vulgo increbuit opinio quod
selecta quiTdani anni tempora, ea nimirum in quibus vegetabilia
cujus generis florent, &c. et vina quo tempore vitis efflorescit,
turgescentiiis denuo concipiant. See also Sir Kenelm Digby on
the cure of wounds by sympathetic powder. Stains in linen, by
vegetable juices, are most easily taken out when the several
plants are in their prime. Examples, in raspberries, quinces,
hotis. &c. See Boyle's History of Air.
11 The word irotb, from the Saxon treoth, signifies punctuality
or fidelity in performing an agreement.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 189
Quoth she, I've heard old cunning stagers
Say, fools for arguments use wagers.
And though I prais'd your valour, yet
I did not mean to baulk your wit, 100
Which, if you have, you must needs know
What, I have told you before now.
And you b' experiment have prov'd,
I cannot love where I'm belov'd.
Quoth Hudibras, 'Tis a caprich* 30-"*
Beyond the infliction of a witch ;
3o cheats to play with those still aim,
That do not understand the game.
Love in your heart as idly burns.
As fire in antique Roman urns,t 310
To warm the dead, and vainly light
Those only that see nothing by't.
Have you not power to entertain,
And render love for love again?
As no man can draw in his breath 315
At once, and force out air beneath.
Or do you love yourself so much,
To bear all rivals else a grutch ?
What fate can lay a greater curse,
Than you upon yourself would force ; 320
For wedlock, without love, some say,
Is but a lock without a key.
It is a kind of rape to marry
One that neglects, or cares not for ye :
* A whim or fancy ; from the Italian word capriccio.
t ForUinius Licetiis wrote n Inr^e discourse conceriiinjr these
urns, from whence Bishop VVilkins, in liis MathenjiUicil Me-
moirs, halh recited many purticulars. In Camden's Description
of Ycirl<shire, a lamp is said to have been found in the toiulj of
Constantius Chlorus. An extraordinary one is nienlioiiod by St.
Augustin, De Civitate Dei, 2], 6. Arjiyro est phaiiiiiii Veneris
super marc: ibi est Incerna super candelabrum pn<it:i. Ulceus
ad mare sub divo cadi, nam neque veutus aspergit noqup pUivia
e.xtiniiuit. The story of the lamp in the sepulchre of 'I'ullia, the
daunhter of Cicero, which w.as supposed to have burnt above
1.').50 years, is told by Pancirollus and others ; sed credat .hubcu^.
M. le Prince de St. Severe accounts for the app.earance on philo-
sophical principles, In a pimplilet published at Naples, IT.iS.
" .ie crois," says he, "d'avoir convaincu d'etre fabuleusc I'opin-
" ion des lanipes perpetuelles dos anciens. Les lumieres
" imaeinaircs. que Ton a vu qnelquet'ois duns les anciens sepul-
" cres, one 6te produites pir le Mibi'.e ascension des sels qui
" y 6toient renfernii^cs." He should rather have said, by in-
fl:immable air, so frequently (generated in pits and caverns. This
supposition is confirmed by a letter of Jerome Gi(jrdano to the
noble author, dated Lucera. Sept. 19, ]7.53, giving a curious ac-
count of an ancient sepulchre opened there in that year.
190 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
For what does make it ravishment, 325
But b'ing against the mind's consent ?
A rape, tiiat is tlie more inhuman.
For being acted by a woman.
Why are you fair, but to entice vis
To love you, that you may despise us ? 330
But though you cannot love, you say,
Out of your own fantastic way,*
Why should you not, at least, allow
Those tliat love you, to do so too :
For, as you fly me, and pursue 335
Love more averse, so I do you ;
And am, by your own doctrine, taught
To practise what you call a fault.
Quoth she. If what you say be true.
You must fly me, as I do you ; 340
But 'tis not what we do, but say,
In love, and preaching, that must sway.
Quoth he. To bid me not to love,
Is to forbid my pulse to move.
My beard to grow, my ears to prick up, 345
Or, when I'm in a fit, to hickup :
Command me to piss out the moon,
And 'twill as easily be done.
Love's power's too great to be withstood
By feeble human flesh and blood. 350
'Twas he that brought upon his knees
The hect'ring kill-cow Hercules ;
Reduc'd his leaguer-lion's skin
T' a petticoat,t and made him spin :
* It has generally been printed fanatic; but, I believe, most
readers will approve of Dr. Grey's alteration. It agrees better
with the sense, and with what she says afterwards :
Yet 'tis no fantastic pique
I have to love, nor coy dislike.
Though fanatic sometimes signifies mad, irrational, absurd :
thus Juvenal, iv. :
ut fanaticus asstro,
Percussus, Bellona, tuo
t lieaguer signifies a siege laid to a town ; it seems to be also
used for a pitched or standing camp : a leaguer coat is a sort of
watch cloak, or coat used by soldiers when they are at a siege
or upon duty. Hudibras here speaks of the lion's skin as Her-
cules's leaguer, or military liabit, his campaign coat. See Skin-
ner's Lexicon : art. Leaguer. La-na, in Latin, is by Ainsworth
translated a soldier's leaguer coat. Hercules changed clothes
with Omphale. Ovid. Fasti, ii.
Cultibus Alciden instruit ilia suis.
Dat tenues tunicas Ga;tulo murice tinctas"
Ipsa capit clavamque gravem, spoliumque leonis.
Canto i.] HUDICRAS. 191
Seiz'd on his club and made it dwindle* 355
T' a feeble distaft', and a spindle.
'Twas lie made emperors gallants
To their own sisters, and their aunts ;
Set popes and cardinals agog,
To play with pages at lea])-frog ;t SCO
'Twas he that gave our senate purges,
And flux'd the house of many a burgess ;t
Made those that represent the nation
Subnait, and suffer amputation :
And all the grandees o' th' cabal, 305
Adjourn to tubs, at spring and fall.
He mounted synod-men, and rode 'em
To Dirty-lane and little Sodom ;
Made 'em curvet, like Spanish gennets,
And take the ring at madam .§ 370
'Twas he that made Saint Francis do
More than the devil could tempt him to ;||
In cold and frosty weather grow
Enamour'd of a wife of snow ;
And though she were of rigid temper, 375
With melting flames accost and tempt her ;
Which, after in enjoyment quenching,
He hung a garland on his engine. IT
Quoth she, If love have these effects,
Why is it not forbid our sex? 380
Why is't not damn'd, and interdicted,
For diabolical and wicked l
And sung, as out of tune, against,
* Wffionias inter calathum tenuisse puellas
Diceris ; et dnruina; pertimui.^se iiiinas.
Non t'ugis, Alcide, victricem uiille lahnruin
Rasilibus caialhis imposuisse niunuiii 1
Crassaquc robusto deilucis pnllice filii,
^qiiaqiie t'onnosEe jiensa rependis herje.
Ovid. Epist. Dejanira Herculi.
t Cardinal Casa, archbishop of Bencventuni, was accused of
having written some Italian verses, in his youth, in praise of
sodomy.
X This alludes to Oliver Cromwell turning the niembers out
of the house of commons, and calling Harry Martin and Sir Pe-
ter VVentvvorth vvhoroniasters. Echard's History of England,
Vol. ii. |). 275.
§ The Taller mentions a lady of this stamp, called Bennet.
Ii In the legend of the life of St. Francis, we are told, that be-
ing tempted by the devil in the shape of a virgin, he subdued
his pas<ion, by embracing a pillar of snow.
1[ In the history of the life of Lewis XIII. by .lames Howell,
Esq., p. 81), it is said, that the French horsemen who were killed
at the Isle of Rhe, had their mistre.sses' favors tied about their
engines.
192 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
As Turk and Pope are by the saints ?*
I find, I've gi'eater reason for it, 385
Thau I believ'd before t' abhor it.
Quoth Hudibras, these sad effects
Spring from your heathenish neglects
Of love's great pow'r, vi'hich he returns
Upon yourselves with equal scorns ; 390
And those who worthy lovers slight,
Plagues with prepost'rous appetite ;
This made the beauteous queen of Crete
To take a town-bull for her sweet ;t
And from her greatness stoop so low. 395
To be the rival of a cow.
U . Others, to prostitute their great hearts,
~ To be baboons' and monkeys' sweet-hearts.
:.. : Some with the dov'l himself in league grow,
"^ ^ i By's representative a negro ; 400
' '.' 'Twas this made vestal maids love-sick.
And venture to be buried quick.t
Some by their fathers and their brothers, §
To be made mistresses, and mothers.
'Tis this that proudest dames enamours 405
On lacquies, and varlets-des-chambres ;||
Their haughty stomachs overcomes,
* Perhaps the saints were fond of Robert Wisdom's hymn :
'• Preserve us, Lord, by thy dear word —
" From Turk and Pope, defend us. Lord."
t Pasiphae, the wife of Minos, was in love with a man, whose
name was Taurus, or l)ull.
t By the Roman law the vestal virgins were buried alive, if
they broke their vow of chastity.
$ Myrrha patrem, sed non quo filia debet, amavit.
Ovid, de Arte .Am. i. 285.
II Varlet was formerly used in the same sense as valet : per-
haps our poet might ple:ise himself with the meanins given to
this word in later days, when it came to denote a mgue. The
word knave, which now signifies a cheat, formerly meant no
more than a servant. Thus, in an old translation of t>t. Paul's
Epistles, and in Dryden. Mr. Butler, in his Posthumous Works,
uses the word varlet for bumbailift", though I do not find it in this
sense in any dictionary. See Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. ii.
pp. 81, and 171. Thus fur in Latin :
Q.uid domini faciant, audent cum talia fures.
Virg. Ed. iii. 16.
Exilis domus est, ubi non et multa supersunt,
Et dominum fallunt, et prosunt furibus.
Hor. Epist. lib. i. 6, 45.
This passage is quoted by Plutarcn in the life of LucuUns.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. I93
And makes 'em stoop to dirty grooms,
To slight the world, and to disparage
Claps, issue, infamy, and marriage.* 410
Quoth she, These judgments are severe,
Yet such as I should rather bear,
Than trust men with their oaths, or prove
Their faith and secrecy in love.
Says he, There is a weighty reason 415
Fore secrecy in love as treason.
Love is a burglarer, a felon,
That in the windore-eye does steal int
To rob the heart, and, with his prey.
Steals out again a closer way, 420
Which whosoever can discover.
He's sure, as he deserves, to suffer.
Love is a fire, that burns and sparkles
Li men, as nat'rally as in charcoals,
Which sooty chymists stop in lioles, 425
When out of wood they extract coals ;t
So lovers should their passions choke.
That tho' they burn, they may not smoke.
'Tis like that sturdy thief that stole.
And dragg'd beasts backward into's hole ;§ 430
So love does lovers, and us men
Draws by the tails into his den.
That no impression may discover.
And trace t' his cave the wary lover.
But if you doubt I should reveal 435
* That is, to slight the opinion of the world, and to undertake
the want of issue and niarriase on the one hand, and the acqui-
sition of claps and infamy on the other: or perhaps the poet
meant a bitter sneer on matrimony, by saying love makes them
submit to the emiiraces of their inferiors, and consequently to
disregard four principal evils of such connections, disease, child-
bearing, disgrace, and marriage.
t Thus it is spelt in most editions, and perhaps most agreeably
to the etyjMology. See Skinner.
t Charcoal colliers, in order to keep their wood from blazing
when it is in the pit, cover it carefully with turf and mould.
§ Cacus, a noted robber, who, when he had stolen cattle, drew
them backward by their tails into his den, lest they should be
traced and discovered :
At furiis Caci mens efTera, ne quid inausum
Aut intractatum scelerisve dolive fuisset,
duatuor a stabulis prsestanti corpore tauros
Avertit, totidem forma superante juvencas ;
Atque hos, ne qua forent pedibus vestigia rectis,
Cauda, in speluncam tractos, versisque viaruin
Indiciis raptos, saxo occultabat opaco.
iEneis viii. 205.
9
194 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
What you entrust me under seal,
I'll prove myself as close and virtuous
As your own secretary, Albertus.*
Quoth she, I grant you may be close
In hiding what your aims propose : 440
Love-passions are like parables,
By which men still mean something else:
Tho' love be all the world's pretence,
Money's the mythologic sense,
The real substance of the shadow, 44b
Which all address and courtship's made to.
Thought he, I understand your play,
And how to quit you your own way ;
He that will win his dame, must do
As Love does, when he bends his bow ; 450
With one hand thrust the lady from.
And with the other pull her home.t
I grant, quoth he, wealth is a great
Provocative to am'rous heat :
It is all philtres and high diet, 455
That makes love rampant, and to fly out :
'Tis beauty always in the flower,
That buds and blossoms at fourscore :
'Tis that by which the sun and moon,
At their own weapons are out-done it 46(j
* Albertus Magnus was bishop ot Ratisbon, about the year
1260, and wrote a book, entitled, De Secretis Wulierum. Hence
the poet facetiously calls him the women's secretary. It was
printed at Amsterdam, in the year 1643, with another silly book,
entitled, Michaelis Scoti de Secretis Nature Opus.
t The Harleian Miscellany, vol. vi. p. 530, describes an inter-
view between Perkin Warbeck and lady Catharine Gordon,
which may serve as no improper specimen of this kind of dalli-
ance. "If I prevail," says he, "let this kiss seal up the con-
" tract, and this kiss bear witness to the indentures ; and this
" kiss, because one witness is not sufficient, consummate the
"assurance.^And so, with a kind of reverence and fashionable
"gesture, after he had kissed her thrice, he took her in both his
" hands, crosswise, and gazed upon her, with a kind of putting
"her from him and pulling her to him; and so again and again
"rekissed her, and set her in her place, with a pretty manner
" of enforcement."
t Gold and silver are marked by the sun and moon in chem-
istry, as they were supposed to be more immediately under the
influence of those luminaries. Tlius Chaucer, in the Chanonea
Yemannes Tale, 1. 16293, ed. Tyrwhitt:
The bodies sevene eke, lo hem here anon ■
Sol gold is, and Luna silver, we threpe.
Mars iren, Mercurie quicksilver we clepe,
Saturnus led, and Jupiter is tin.
And Venus coper, by my fader kin.
The appropriation of certain metals to the seven planets re
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 195
That makes knights-errant fall in trances,
And lay about 'em in romances :
'Tis virtue, wit, and worth, and all
That men divine and sacred call :*
For what is worth in any thing, 465
But so much money as 'twill bring?
Or what but riches is there known.
Which man can solely call his own ;
In which no creature goes his half,
Unless it be to squint and laugh ? 470
I do confess, with goods and land,
I'd have a wife at second hand ;
And such you are : nor is't your person
My stomach's set so sharp and fierce on ;
But 'tis your better part, your riches, 475
That my enamour'd heart bewitches :
Let me your fortune but possess,
And settle your person how you please ;
Or make it o'er in trust to the devil,
You'll find me reasonable and civil. 480
Quoth she, I like this plainness better
Than false mock-passion, speech or letter,
Or any feat of qualm or swooning.
But hanging of yourself, or drowning ;
Your only way with me to break 485
Your mind, is breaking of your neck :
For as wlvsn merchants break, o'erthrown
Like nine-pins, they strike others down ;
So that would break my heart ; which done.
My tempting fortune is your own. 490
These are but trifles ; evVy lover
Will damn himself over and over,
And greater matters undertake
For a less worthy mistress' sake :
Yet th' are the only ways to prove 495
Th' unfeign'd realities of love ;
For he that hangs, or beats out's brains,
The devil's in him if he feigns.
Quoth Hudibras, This way's too rough
For mere experiment and proof ; 500
spectively, may be traced as high as Proclus, in the fifth century,
and perhaps is still more ancient. This point is discussed by
La Croze. See Fabric. Biblioth. Gr. vol. vi. p. 793. The splen
dor of gold is more refulgent than the rays of the sun and moon.
* Et genus, et forniam, regina pecunia donat ;
Ac bene nummatura decorat Suadela. Venusqne.
Horat. Ep. i. 6, 37.
196
HUDIBRAS. [Part n
It is no jesting, trivial matter,
To swing i' th' air, or plunge in water,
And, like a water-witch, try love ;*
That's to destroy, and not to prove :
As if a man should be dissected, 505
To find what part is disalFected :
Your better way is to make over,
In trust, your fortune to your lover ;
Trust is a trial ; if it break,
'Tis not so desp'rate as a neck : 510
Beside, th' experiment's more certain.
Men venture necks to gain a fortune ;
The soldier does it every day.
Eight to the week, for sixpence pay:t
Your pettifoggers damn their souls, 515
To share with knaves in cheating fools :
And merchants, vent'ring through the main,
Slight pirates, rocks, and horns, for gain.
This is the way I advise you to,
Trust me, and see what I will do. 520
Quoth she, I should be loth to run
Myself all th' hazard, and you none ;
Which must be done, unless some deed
Of your's aforesaid do precede ;
Give but yourself one gentle s\ving,t 525
* It was usual, when an old woman was susi»8cte(l of witch-
craft, to throw her into the water. If she swam, she was judged
guilty ; if she sunk, she preserved her character, and only lost
her life.
t No comparison can be made between the evidence arising
from each experiment; for as to venturing necks, it proves no
great matter ; it is done every day by the soldier, pettifogger, and
merchant. If the soldier has only sixpence a day, and one day's
pay is reserved weekly for stoppages, he may be said to make
eight days to the week; adding that to the acciuint of labor
which is deducted from his pay. Percennius, the mutinous sol-
dier in Tacitus, seems to have been sensible of some such hard-
ship— Denis in diem assibus auimam et corpus testimari ; hinc
vestem, arma, tentoria; hinc soevitiam centuriouum, et vaca-
tiones munerum redimi. Annal. i. 17.
:f "Eputra iravei Xip.ds, d &i ixfj, XP<5i'0f :
'Eav Sc fi'q 6c. Tavra rfjv ipXdya c6e<Tri,
Qcpanda aoi to Xonthv lipTrjadiii Ppdxos-
Anthol. Gr. 23, ed. Aid
In Diogenes Laertius cum notis Meiboni. p. 356, it is thus
printed :
"Epura -Kaici Xi/idy, d Sc pifi xpSvog,
'Edv Se TOVTOii fifi Svvji xpn'^^'^'y l^p^X"^-
See lines 485 and also f)45 of this canto, where the word >«/:(}«
ia ttirned into dry diet.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS I97
For trial, and I'll cut the string:
Or give that rev'rend head a maul,
Or two, or three, against a wall ;
To shew you are a man of mettle,
And I'll engage myself to settle. 530
Quoth he, My head's not made rf brass,
As Friar Bacon's noddle was ;
Nor, like the Indian's skull, so tough.
That, authors say, 'twas musket-proof:*
As it had need to be to enter, 535
As yet, on any new adventure ;
You see what bangs it has endur'd,
That would, before new feats, be cur'd ;
But if that's all you stand upon,
Here, strike me luck, it shall be done.t 540
Quoth she. The matter's not so far gone
As you suppose, two words t' a bargain ;
That may be done, and time enough.
When you have given downright proof:
And yet 'tis no fantastic pique 545
I have to love, nor coy dislike ;
'Tis no implicit, nice aversion!
T' your conversation, mien, or person :
But a just fear, lest you should prove
False and perfidious in love ; 550
For if I thought you could be true,
I could love twice as much as you.
*" Blockheads and loggerheads are in request in Brazil, and
" helmets are of little use, every one havins! an ariiftcial-
" ized natural morion of his head : for the Brazilians' heads,
" some of them are as hard us the wood that grows in their
"country, for they cannot be broken, and they have them so
" hard, that ours, in comparison of theirs, are like a jiompion,
" and when they would injure any white man, they call him
" soft head." Bulwer's Artiticial Changeling, p. 4'2, and Pur-
chas's Pilgr. fol. vol. iii. p. 993.
t Percutere et ferire fffidns.
aiTovias riyLVtiV Ka\ bpKia. EcRlP.
At the conclusion of treaties a beast was generally sacrificed.
When batchers and country peoi)le make a bar;;ain, one of the
parties holds out in his hand a piece of money, which the other
strikes, and the bargain is closed. Callimachus Brunck. i. 464,
epig. XiV. fl. TUTO SoKia, &c.
[ Y. L,. Come strike me luck with earnest, and draw the wri-
tings.
M. There's a C.id's penny foi thee.
Beaumont and Fle^ber. — Scornful Lady, Actii.]
X Implicit here signifies secret, unaccountable, or an aversion
conceived from the report of others. See P. i. c. i. v. 130.
198 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
Quoth he, My faith as adanaantine,
As chains of destiny, I'll maintain ;
True as Apollo ever spoke, 555
Or oracle from heart of oak ;*
And if you'll give my flame but vent,
Now in close hugger-mugger pent.
And shine upon nie but benignly.
With that one, and that other pigsney,t 560
The sun and day shall sooner part.
Than love, or you, shake off my heart :
The sun that shall no more dispense
His own, but your bright influence ;
I'll carve your name on barks of trees, t 56a
With true love-knots, and flourishes ;
That shall infuse eternal spring.
And everlasting flourishing:
Drink every letter ou't in stum.
And make it brisk champaign become ;§ 57o
* Jupiter's oracle in Epirus, near Die city of Dodona, Ubi ne-
inus erat Jovi sacrum, querneum totuiii. in quo Jovis Dodonaji
teinpluni fuisse narratur.
t Higsney is a term of blandishment, from the Anglo-Saxon, or
Danish, piga, a pretty girl, or the eyes of a pretty lass : thus in
Pembroke's Arcadia, Danietas says to his wife, " iVliso, mine own
pigsnie." To love one's mistress more than one's eyes, is a phrase
used by all nations: thus Moschus in Greek, Catullus in Latin ;
Spenser, in his Fairy Queen :
her eyes, sweet smiling in delight,
Moystened their fiery beams, with which she thrill'd
Frail hearts, yet quenched not ; like starry light,
Which sparkling on the silent waves, does seem more bright.
Thus the Italian poets, Tasso and Ariosto. Tyrwhitt says, in
a note on Chaucer's Miller's Tale, v. 3268, "the Romans used
oculus, as a term of endearment ; and perhaps piggesnie, in bur-
lesque poetry, means ocellus porci, the eves of a pig being re-
markably smi:ll."
i See Don Quixote, vol. i. ch. 4, and vol. iv. ch. 73.
Populus est, memini, tluviali consita ripa,
Est in qua nostri littera scripta iiiemor.
Popule, Vive precor, qua; consita margine ripce
Hoc in rugoso cortice carmen habes ;
Cum Paris CEnone poterit spirare relicta,
Ad fontera Xanlhi versa recurret aqua.
Ovid. Olnone Paridi. 25.
[Run, run, Orlando: carve on every tree.
The fair, the chaste, and unexpressive she.
As you like it.]
5 Stum, i. e. any new, thick, unfermented liquor, from the Lat-
in mustum. Dr. Johnson, in liis Dictionary, has quoted these
lines to prove that stum may signify wine revived by a new fer-
mentation : but, perhaps, it means 'no more than figuratively to
say, that the reinembrance of the widow's charms could turn
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 199
Whate'er you tread, your foot shall set
The primrose and the violet ;
All spices, perfumes, and sweet powders,
Shall borrow from your breath their odours ;
Nature her charter shall renew, 575
And take all lives of things from you ;
The world depend upon your eye,
And when you frown upon it, die.
Only our loves shall still survive,
New worlds and natures to outlive ; 580
And like to herald's moons, remain
All crescents, without change or wane.
Hold, hold, quoth she, no more of this,
Sir knight, you take your aim amiss :
For you will find it a hard chapter, 585
To catch me with poetic rapture,
In which your mastery of art
Doth show itself, and not your heart ;
Nor will you raise in mine combustion,
By dint of high heroic fustian :* 590
bad wine into good, foul muddy wine into clear sparltling cham-
paigne. It was usual, among the gallants of Butler's time, to
drink as many bumpers to their mistress's health, as there were
letters in her name. The custom prevailed among the Romans ;
thus the well-known epigram of Martial ;
Nffivia sex cyathis, septem Justina bibatur,
Quinque Lycas, Lyde quatuor, Ida tribiis.— Ep. i. 72.
For every letter drink a glass,
That spells the name you fancy,
Take four, if Suky be your lass,
And five if it be Nancy.
The like compliment was paid to a particular friend or bene-
factor :
Det numerum cyathis Instanti littera Rufi :
Auctor enim tanti muneris ille mihi.— Mart. epig. viii. 51.
Mr. Sandys, in his Travels, says, this custom is still much
practised by the merry Greeks, in the Morea, and other parts of
the Levant.
Eyx^i AvaiiUrii KvaOu; SeKa. lib. vii. Anthol.
* In Butler's MS. I find the following lines
In foreign universities,
When a king's born, or weds, or dies,
All other studies are laid by.
And all apply to poetry.
Some write in Hebrew, some in Greek,
And some more wise in Arabic ;
T' avoid the critique, and th' expence
Ot difficulter wit and sense.
Foreign land is often used by Mr. Butler for England See
Genuine Remains.
200 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
She that with poetry is won,
Is but a desk to write upon ;
As no edge can be sharp and keen,
That by the subtlest eye is seen :
So no wit should acute b' allow'd
That's easy to be understood.
For poets sing, though more speak plain,
As those that quote tlicir works maintain ;
And no man's bound to any tiling
He does not say, but only sing.
For, since the good Confessor's time,
No deeds are valid, writ in rliyme ;
- Nor any held authentic acts,
Seal'd with the tooth upon the wax :
For men did then so freely deal.
Their words were deeds, and teeth a seal.
The following grants are said to be authentic ; but whether
they are or not, they are probably what the poet alludes to : —
Charter of Edward the Confessor.
IcHE Edward Konyng,
Have geovenof my forest the keeping,
Of the hundred of Chelmer and Daneing, [now Den-
gy, in Essex.]
To Randolph Peperking and to his kindling,
With heorte and hynde, doe and bock.
Hare and I'ox, cat and brock, [badger]
Wild foule with his flocke,
Patrick, fesaunte hen, and fesaunte cock;
With green and wilde stobb and stokk, [timber and
stubbs of trees]
To kepen, and to yeomen by all her might, [their]
Both by day, and eke by night.
And liounds for to holde,
Gode swift and bolde.
Four Greyhounds and six beaches, [bitch hounds]
For hare and fox, and wilde cattes
And thereof ich made him my bocke [i. e. this
deed my written evidence]
Wittenes the Bishop Wolston,
And boche ycleped many on. [witness]
And Sweyne of Essex, our brother,
And token hin many other,
And our steward Howelin
That besouj^ht me for him.
[Six beaches. — This line, as quoted by Steevens in a note to the
Introduction to the Taming of tiie Shrew, runs tlius, Four Grey-
hounds and six brntches. whicli must be the correct reading, as
may be gathered from the tbilowing quotations from Minshew
and Ducange, unnoticed by the Shakspeare Commentators, in
their numerous notes on the word, and their doubts on its gen-
der. A brache, a little hound. — Minsliew. Bracetus, brachetus,
vulgo bracket. Charta Hen. H. torn. 2, Monast. Angl. p. 283.
Concedo eis 2 leporarios et 4 bracetos ad leporem capiendum.
Constit. Feder. Reg. Sicil. c. 115. Ut, nuUus .... pra-sumal
canem braccum videlicet, vel leporarium .... alterius furto
eubtrahere.]
Canto I.] HUDIBRAS. 201
And what men say of her, they mean
No more than that on which they lean.
Some with Arabian spices strive, 595
T' embahn her cruelly alive ;
Or season her, as French cooks use
Their haut-gouts, bouillies, cr ragouts ;
Use her so barbarously ill,
To grind her lips upon a mill * 600
Until the facet doublet doth
Fit their rhymes rather than her mouth ;1
Her mouth compar'd t' an oyster's, with
A row of pearl in't, 'stead of teeth ;
Bock, in Saxon, is book, or written evidence ; tliis land was
therefore held as bocland, a noble tenure in strict entail, that
could not be alienated from the right heir.
Hopton, in the County of Salop,
To the Heyrs Male of the Hopton, lawfully begotten.
From me and from myne, to thee and to thine,
While the water runs, and the sun doth shine,
For lack of heyrs to the king againe.
I William, king, the third year of my reign,
Give to the Norman hunter.
To me that art both line and deare,[related, or of my lineage]
The Hop and the Hoptoune,
And all the bounds up and downe.
Under the earth to hell.
Above the earth to heaven-
From me, and from myne.
To thee and to thyne ;
As good and as faire.
As ever they myne were ;
To witness that this is sooth, [truej
1 bite the wite wax with my tooth.
Before Jueg, Marode, and Margery,
And my third son Henery,
For one bow, and one broad arrow,
When I come to hunt upon Yarrow.
This grant of William the Conqueror, is in John Stow'sChron-
icle, and in Blount's Aniient Tenures. Other rhyming charters
may be seen in Morant's Essex ; Little Dunmow, vol. n. p. 429,
and at Rochford, vol. i. p. 272. ,. u , u„ „
* \s they do by comparing her lips to nibies polished by a
mill, which is in effect, and no better, than to grind by a mill,
and that until those false stones (for, when all is done, lips are
not true rubies) do plainly appear to have been brought in by
them as rather befitting the absurdity of their rhymes, than that
there is really any propriety in the comparison between her lip&
and rubies. , , „„ .
t Poets and romance writers have not been very scrupulous in
the choice of metaphors, when they represented the beauties ot
their mistresses. Facets are precious stones, ground a la lacette.
or with many faces, that they may have the greater lustre
Doublets are crystals joined together with a cement, green or
red, in order to resemble stones of that color.
9*
202 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
Others make poesies of her cheeks, 605
"Where red, and vvliitest colours mix ;
In wiiich the Hly and the rose.
For Indian lake and ceruse goes.
The sun and moon, by her bright eyes,
Eclips'd and darken'd iu the skies ; 610
Are but black patches that she wears.
Cut into suns, and moons, and stars,*
By which astrologers, as well
As those in heav'n above, can tell
■ What strange events they do foreshow, 615
Unto her under-world below.t
Her voice the music of the spheres,
So loud, it deafens mortal ears ;
As wise philosophers have thought,
And that's the cause we hear it not.t 620
This has been done by some, who those
Th' ador'd in rhyme, would kick in prose ;
And in those ribbons would have hung.
Of which melodiously they sung.§
That have the hard fate to write best, 625
Of those that still desen'e it least ;|1
It matters not, how false or forc'd.
So the best things be said o' th' worst ;
* The ladies formerly were very fond of wearing a great num
ber of black patches on their faces, and, perhaps, might amuse
themselves in devising the shape of them. This fashion is al
luded to in Sir Kenelm Digby's discourse on the sympathetic
powder, and ridiculed in the Spectator, No. 50. But the poet
here alludes to Dr. Bulwer's Artificial Changeling, p. 252, ifcc.
t A double entendre.
+ "Pythagoras," saith Censorinus, "asserted, that this world
"is made according to mifsical proportion; and that the seven
" planets, betwixt heaven and earth, which govern the nativities
" of mortals, have an harmonious motion, and render various
" sounds according to their seve.'al heights, so consonant, that
" they make most sweet melody, but to us inaudible, because of
" the greatness of the noise, which the narrow passage of our
" ears is not capable to receive." Stanley's Life of Pythagoras,
p. 393.
5 Thus Waller on a girdle :
Give me but what this riband bound.
II Warburton was of opinion that Butler alluded to one of Mr.
Waller's poems on Saccharissa, where he complains of her un-
kindness. Others suppose, that he alludes to Mr. Waller's
poems on Oliver Cromwell, and King Charles II. The poet's
reply to the king, when he reproached him with having written
best in praise of Oliver Cromwell, is known to everyone. " We
" poets," says he, " succeed better in fiction than in truth." But
tliis passage seems to relate to ladies and love, not to kings and
politics.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 203
It goes for nothing when 'tis said,
Only the arrow's drawn to th' head, 630
Whether it be the swan or goose
They level at : so shepherds use
To set the same mark on the hip.
Both of their sound and rotten sheep :
For wits that carry low or wide, 635
Must be aim'd higher, or beside
The mark, which else they ne'er come nigh,
But when they take their aim awry.*
But I do wonder yon should chuse
This way t'attack me with your muse. 640
As one cut out to pass your tricks on,
With Fulham's of poetic fiction :t
I rather hop'd I should no more
Hear from you o' th' gallanting score ;
For hard dry bastings use to prove 645
The readiest remedies of love,t
Next a dry diet ; but if those fail,
Yet tliis uneasy loop-hol'd jail.
In which y' are hamper'd by the fetlock,
Cannot but put y' in mind of wedlock : 650
Wedlock, that's worse than any hole here,
If that may serve you for a cooler
T' allay your mettle, all agog
Upon a wife, the heavier clog.
* An allusion to gunnery. In Butler's MS. Common-plice book
ate the following lines ;
Ingenuity, or wit,
Does only th' owner fit
For nothing, but to be undone.
For nature never gave to mortal yet,
A free and arbitrary power of wit :
But bound him to his good behaviour for't.
That he should never use it to do hurt.
Wit does but divert men from the road,
In which things vulgarly are understood ;
Favours mistake, and ignorance, to own
A better sense than commonly is known.
Most men are so unjust, they look upon
Another's wit as enemy t' their own.
t That is, with cheats or impositions. FuUiam was a can
word fo^a false die, many of them being made at that place
The high dice were loaded so as to come up 4, 5, 6, and the low
ones 1, 2, 3. Frequently mentioned in Butler's Genuine Re
mains.
+ "Epura Tzavii \(.ji6i, &c. See note on line 525.
204 HUDIBRAS. [Fart ii.
Nor rather thank your gentler fate,* 655
That, for a bruis'd or broken pate.
Has freed you from those knobs that grow
Much harder on the marry'd brow :
But if no dread can cool your courage.
From vent'ring on that dragon, marriage ; 660
Yet give me quarter, and advancet
To nobler aims your puissance ;
Level at beauty and at wit ;
The fairest mark is easiest hil.t
Quoth Hudibras, I am beforehand 665
In that already, with your command ;§
For where does beauty and high wit
But in your constellation meet ?
Quoth she. What does a match imply,
But likeness and equality ? 670
I know you cannot think me fit
To be th' yokefellow of your wit ;
Nor take one of so mean deserts.
To be the partner of your parts ;
A grace vi'hich, if I cou'd believe, 675
I've not the conscience to receive. ||
That conscience, quoth Hudibras,
Is misinform'd : I'll state the case.
A man may be a legal donor
Of any thing whereof he's owner, 680
And may confer it where he lists.
* That is, and not rather : this depends upon v. 639, 40, 41, 42.
All the intermediate verses from thence to this being, as it were,
in a parenthesis : the sense is, But I do wonder — t' attack me,
and should not rather thank —
t The widow here pretends, she would have him quit his
pursuit of her, and aim hifiher ; namely, at beauty and wit.
t The reader will observe the ingenious equivocation, or the
double meaning of the word fairest.
^ Where one word ends with a vowel, and the next begins
with a w, inunediately followed by a vowel, or where one word
ends with w, immediately preceded bya vowel, and the next be-
gins with a vowel, the poet either leaves them as two syllables,
or contracts them into one, as best suits his verse ; thus in the
passage before us, and in P. iii. c. i. v. 1561, and P. iii. c. ii. v.
339, these are contractions in the first case ; and P. iii. c. 1. v.
804, in the latter case.
II Our poet uses the word conscience here as a word of two
syllables, and in the next line as a word of three : thus in Part
i. c. i. v. 78, ratiocination is a word of live syllables, and in other
places of four: in the first it is a treble rhyme, [[n the first in-
stance, conscience means only self-opinion ; in the second, Hu-
dibras marks it as meaning knowledge, by making it a trisylla
ble, (conscience,) and places it in ludicrous opposition to misin
&tmed.}
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 3O5
r th' judgment of all casuists :
Then wit, and parts, and valour may
Be ali'nated, and made away,
By those that are proprietors, 685
As I may give or sell my horse.
Quoth she, I grant the case is true,
And proper 'twixt your horse and you ;
But whether I may take, as well
As you may give away, or sell ? 090
Buyers, you know, are bid beware ;
And worse than thieves receivers are.
How shall I answer hue and cry.
For a roan-gelding, twelve hands high,*
All spurr'd and switch'd, a lock on's hoof,t 695
A sorrel mane ? Can I bring proof
Where, when, by whom, and what y' are sold for,
And in the open market toll'd for?
Or, should I take you for a stray.
You must be kept a year aud day, 700
Ere I can own you, here i' th' pound,
Where, if ye're sought, you may be found ;
And in the mean time I must pay
For all your provender and hay.
Quoth he. It stands me much upon 705
T' enervate this objection,
And prove myself, by topic clear.
No gelding, as you would infer.
Loss of virility's averr'd
To be the cause of loss of beard,t 710
That does, like embryo in the womb.
Abortive on the chin become :
This first a woman did invent.
In envy of man's ornament :
Semiramis of Babylon, 715
Who first of all cut men o' th' stone, §
* This is a severe reflection upon the knicht's abilities, his
complexion, and his height, which the widow intim;ites was not
more than four feet.
t There is humor in the representation which the widow
makes of the knight, under the similitude of a roan gelding,
supposed to be stolen, or to have strayed. Farmers often put
locks on the fore-feet of their horses,' to prevent their being
stolen.
t See the note on line 143 of this canto.
5 Mr. Butier, in his own note, says, Somiraniis teneios mares
castravit omnium prima, and quotes Ammian- Marcellinus, But
the poet means to laugh at Dr. Bulwer, who in his Artificial
Changeling, scene 21, has many strange stories ; and in page 20^
206 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
To mar their beards, and laid foundation
Of sow-geldering operation ;
Look on this beard, and tell me whether
Eunuchs wear such, or geldings either? TSf
Next it appears I am no horse,
That I can argue and discourse.
Have but two legs, and ne'er a tail.
Quoth she, That nothing will avail ;
For some philosophers of late here, 725
Write men have four legs by nature,*
And that 'tis custom makes them go
Erroneously upon but two.
As 'twas in Germany made good,
B' a boy that lost himself in a wood ; 730
And growing down t' a man, was wont
With wolves upon all four to hunt.
As for your reasons drawn from tails,t
We cannot say they're true or false,
Till you explain yourself, and show 735
B' experiment, 'tis so or no.
Quoth he, If you'll join issue on't,t
I'll give you sat'sfact'ry account,
So you will promise, if you lose,
To settle all, and be my spouse. 740
That never shall be done, quoth she,
To one that wants a tail, by me ;
For tails by nature sure were meant.
As well as beards, for ornament ;§
says, " Nature gave to mankind a beard, that it might remain an
" index in the thee of the masculine generative taculty."
* Sir Kenehii Digby, in his book of Bodies, has the well-known
story of the wild German boy, who went upon all-four, was
overgrown with hair, and lived among the wild beasts, the credi-
bility and truth of which he endeavors to establish. See also
Tatler, No. 103. Some modern writers are said to have the same
conceit. The second line here quoted seems to want half a
foot, but it may be made right by the old way of spelling four,
fower, or reading as in the edition of 1709 :
Write that men have four legs by nature.
t See Fontaine, Conte de la jument du compere Pierre.
X That is, rest the cause upon this point.
^ Mr. Butler here alludes to Dr. Bulwer's Artificial Change-
ling, p. 410, where, besides the story of the Kentish men near
Rochester, he gives an account, from an honest young man of
Captain Morris's company, in Lieutenant-aeneral Ireton's regi-
ment, " that at Cashell, in the county of Tipperary, in the prov-
" ince of Munster, in Carrick Patrick church, seated on a rock,
"stormed by Lord Inchequin, where there were near 700 put to
" the sword, and none saved but the mayor's wife, and his son ;
"there were found among the slain of the Irish, when they
" were stripped, diverse that had tails near a quarter of a yard
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 207
And tho' the vulgar count them homely ; 745
In men or beast they are so comely,
So gentee, alamode, and handsome,
I'll never marry man that wants oue :
Aiid 'till you can demonstrate plain,
You have one equal to your mane, 75C
I'll be torn piece-meal by a horse,
Ere I'll take you for better or worse.
The Prince of Cambay's daily food
Is asp, and basilisk, and toad,*
Which makes him have so strong a breath. 755
Each night he stinks a queen to death ;
Yet I shall rather lie in's arms
Than your's, on any other terms.
Quoth he. What nature can afford
I shall produce, upon my word ; 760
And if she ever gave that boon
To man, I'll prove that I have one ;
I mean by postulate illation,t
Wlien you shall offer just occasion ;
But since ye've yet deny'd to give 765
My heart, your pris'ner, a reprieve,
But make it sink down to my heel,
Let that at least your pity feel ;
And for the sufferings of your martyr.
Give its poor entertainer quarter ; 770
And by discharge, or mainprise, grant
Deliv'ry from this base restraint.
Quoth she, I grieve to see your leg
Stuck in a hole here like a peg,
And if I knew which way to do't, 775
Your honour safe, I'd let you out.
That dames by jail-delivery
Of errant knights have been set free,!
" long: forty soldiers, that were eye-witnesses, testified the same
" upon their oaths." He mentions likewise a similar tale of
many other nations.
* See Purchas's Pilgrim, vol. ii. p. 1495. Philosoph. Transac-
tions, Ixvi. 314. Montaigne, b. i. Essay on Customs. A gross
double entendre runs through the whole of the widow's speech-
es, and likewise those of the knight. See T. Warton on English
Poetry, iii. p. 10.
t That is, by inference, necessary consequence, or presump-
tive evidence.
t These and the following lines are a banter upon romance
writers. Our author keeps Don Quixote constantly in his eye,
when he is aiming at this object. In Europe, the Spaniards and
the French engaged first in this kind of writing : from them it
was communicated to the English.
208 HUDIBRAS. [Part u
When by enchantment they have been,
And sometimes for it too, laid in, 780
Is that which knights are bound to do
By order, oaths, and honour too ;*
For what are they renown'd and famous else,
But aiding of distressed damosels ?
But for a lady, no ways errant, 785
To free a knight, we have no warrant
In any authentical romance,
Or classic author yet of France ;t
And I'd be lotii to have you break
An ancient custom for a freak, 7J(
Or innovation introduce
In place of things of antique use,
To free your heels by any course,
That might b' unwholesome to your spurs '4
Wiiich if I could consent unto, 795
It is not in my pow'r to do ;
For 'tis a service must be done ye
With solemn previous ceremony ;
Which always has been us'd t' untie
The charms of those who here do lie ; 800
For as the ancients heretofore
To honour's temple had no door.
But that which thorough virtue's lay ; §
So from this dungeon there's no way
To honour's freedom, but by passing 805
That other virtuous school of lashing.
Where knights are kept in narrow lists,
With wooden lockets 'bout their wrists ;
In which they for a while are tenants,
And for their ladies suifer penance : 810
Whipping, that's virtue's governess,
Tutress of arts and sciences ;
That mends the gross mistakes of nature,
* Their oath was — Voiis dufendiez les querrelles justes de
toutes les dames d'honneur, de toutes les veuves qui n'ont point
des amis, des orphelins, et des fiUes dont la reputation est en-
tiere.
t In the Coniitia Centuriata of the Romans, the class of no-
bility and senators voted tirst, and all other persons were styled
infra classem. Hence their writers of the first rank were called
classics.
, t To your honor. The spurs are badges of knighthood. If a
knight of the garter is degraded, his spurs must be hacked to
pieces by the king's conk.
§ The temple of Virtue and Honor was built by Marius ; the
architect was Mutius ; it had no posticum. See Vitruvius, &c.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 209
And puts new life into dull matter ;
That lays foundation for renown, 815
And all the honours of the gown.
This sulfer'd, they are set at large,
And freed with hon'rable discharge ;
Then, in their robes, the penitentials
Are straight presented with credentials,* 820
And in their way attended on
By magistrates of every town ;
And, all respect and charges paid.
They're to their ancient seats convey'd.
Now if you'll venture for my sake, 825
To try the toughness of your back,
And suffer, as the rest have done.
The laying of a whipping on,
And may you prosper in your suit,
As you with equal vigour do't, 830
I here engage to be your bail.
And free you from th' unknightly jail :
But since our sex's modesty
Will not allow I should be by.
Bring me, on oath, a fair account, 835
And honour to, when you have done't ;
And I'll admit you to the place
You claim as due in my good grace.
If matrimony and hanging go
By dest'ny, why not whipping too? 840
What med'cine else can cure the fits
Of lovers, when they lose their wits ?
Love is a boy by poets styl'd.
Then spare the rod, and spoil the child :
A Persian emp'ror whipp'd his grannum, 845
The sea, his mother Venus came on ;t
And hence some rev'rend men approve
* This alludes to the acts of parliament, 33 Eliz. cap. 4, and 1
James I. c. 31, whereby vagrants are ordered to he whipped, and,
with a proper cerliticate, conveyed by the constables of the sev-
eral parishes to the place of their settlement. These acts are
in a great measure repealed by the 12th of Anne. Explained,
amended, and repealed by the lOlh, 13th, and 17th George 11.
t Spoil, or spilf, as in some copies, from the Baxon, is fre-
quently used by Chaucer, in the sense of, to ruin, to destroy.
Xerxes whipped the sea, which was the niothei: of Venus,
and Venus was the mother of Cupid ; the sea, therefore, was
the grannum, or grand-mother of Cupid, and the object of impe-
rial flagellation, when the winds and the waves were not favor
able and propitious to his fleets.
In Corum atque Eurum solitus sievire flagellis
Barbaras Juven. Sat. x. 180,
210 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
Of rosemarjr in making love.*
As skilful cuopers hoop their tubs
With Lyditin and with Phrygian dubs,t 850
Why may not whipping have as good
A grace, perform'd in time and mood :
With comely movement, and by art,
Raise passion in a lady's heart?
It is an easier way to make 855
Love by, than that which many take.
Who would not rather suffer whipping,
Than swallow toasts of bits of ribbin U
Make wicked verses, traits,§ and faces,
And spell names over with beer-glasses ?|1 860
Be under vows to hang and die
Love's sacrifice, and all a lie^
With China-oranges and tarts.
And whining-plays, lay baits for hearts?
Bribe chambermaids with love and money, 865
To break no roguish jests upon ye ?"fl
For lilies limn'd on cheeks, and roses.
* Venns came from the sea ; hence the poet supposes some
connection with the word rosemiiry, or ros maris, dew ot" the sea.
Rev'rend in the precediiii; lino means ancient, or old : it is used
in this sense by Pope, in his Epistles to Lord Cohhani, v. 232.
Reverend age occurs in Waller, ed. Fenton, p. 56, and in this
poem, P. ii. c. i. v. 527.
t Coopers, like lilacUsmitlis, give to their work alternately a
heavy stroke and a light one ; which our poet humorously com-
pares to the Lydian and Phrygian measures. The former was
soft and efleminate, and called by Aristotle moral, because it
settled and composed the atfections ; the latter was rough and
martial, and termed enthusiastic, because it agitated the pas-
sions :
Et Phrygio stimulet numero cava tibia mentes.
Lucr. ii. 620.
Phrygiis cantibus incitantur. Cic. de Div. i. 114.
And all the while sweet music did divide
Her looser notes with Lydian harmony.
X These and the following lines aflbrd a curious specimen of
the follies practised by inamoratos.
§ Trait is a word rarely used in English, of French origin,
signifying a stroke, or turn of wit or fancy.
II This kind of transmutation Mr. Butler is often guilty of: he
means, scribble the beer-glasses over with the name of his sweet-
heart, [rather spells them in the number of glasses of beer, as
before at v. 370.]
IT Sed prius ancillam captandae nosse puells
Curasit: arcessus molliat ilia tuos.
Pro.xima consiliis domina; sit ut ilia videto ;
Neve parum tacitis conscia tida jocis.
Ovid, de Arte Amandi, lib. 1. 351.
Canto i.l HUDIBRAS. 211
With painted perfumes, hazard noses?*
Or, vent'ring to be brisk and wanton,
Do penance in a paper lanthorn It 870
All this you may compound for now,
By sufF'ring what I offer you ;
Which is no more than has been done
By knights for ladies long agoue.
Did not the great La Mancha do so 875
For the Infanta del Toboso ?t
Did not th' illustrious Bassa make
Himself a slave for Misse's sake ?§
And with bull's pizzle, for her love,
Was taw'd as gentle as a glove ?|1 880
Was not young Fiorio sent, to cool
His flame for Biancafiore, to school, If
Where pedant made his pathic bum
For her sake suffer martyrdom ?
* Their perfumes and paints were more prejudicial than the
roufre and odors of modern times. They were used by fops and
coxconil)S as well as by women. The plain nieanmg of the dis-
tich is, venture disease for painted and perfumed whores.
t Alluding to a method of cure for the venereal disease: and
it may point equivocally to some part of the Presbyterian or
popish discipline.
t Meaning the penance which Don Qui.xote imderwent for the
salte of his Dulcinea, Part i. book iii. ch. 2.
$ Ibrahim, the illustrious Bassa, in the romance of Monsieur
Scudery. His mistress, Isabella, princess of INIonaeo, being con-
veyed away to the Sultan's seraglio, he gets into the palace in
quality of a slave, and, after a multitude of adventures, becomes
grand-vizier.
II To taw is a term used by leather-dressers, signifying to soften
the leather, and make it pliable, by frequently rubbing it. So in
Ben Jonson's Alchymist, " Be curry'd, claw'd, and flaw'd, and
" taw'd indeed." In the standard of ancient weights and meas-
ures, we read : " the cyse of a tanner that he tanne ox leather,
"and netes, and calves; — the cyse of a tawyer that he shall
" tawe none but shepes leather and deres." So the tawcr, or
fell-monger, prepares soft supple leather, as of buck, doe, kid,
sheep, lamb, for gloves, &c., which preparation of tawing differs
much from tanning. Johnson, in his Dictionary, says, '• To taw
" is to dress white leather, commonly called alum leather, in
" contradistinction from tan leather, that which is dressed with
"b:irk." [To Aerat and dress leather with alum. Nares.]
IT This she instances from an Italian romance, entitled Fiorio
and Biancafiore. Thus the lady mentions some illustrious ex-
amples of the three nations, Spanish, French, and Italian, to
induce the knisht to give himself a scourging, according to the
established laws of chivalry and novelism. The adventures of
Fiorio and Biancafiore, which make tlie principal subject of
Bdccace's Philocopo, were famous long before Boccace, as he
himself informs us. Floris and Blancaster are mentioned as
illustrious lovers, bv a Languedocian poet, in his Breviari d'Amor,
dated in the year '1288: it is probable, however, that the story
was enlarged by Boccace. See Tyrwhitt on Chaucer, iv. 169.
312 HUDIBRAS. [Partii.
Did not a certain lady whip, 885
Of late, her husband's own lordship?*
And tho' a grandee of the house,
Claw'd him with fundamental blows ;
Ty'd him stark-naked to a bed-post,
And firk'd his hide, as if sh' had rid post ; 890
And after in the sessions court,
Where whipping's judg'd, had honour fort?
This swear you will perform, and then
I'll set you from th' enchanted den,
And the magician's circle, clear. 895
Quoth he, I do profess and swear,
And will perform what you enjoin.
Or may I never see you mine.
* Lord Munson, of Bury St. Edmund's, one of the king's judges,
being suspected by his lady of changing his political principles,
was by her, together with the assistance of her maids, tied
naked to the bed-post, and whipped till he promised to behave
better. Sir William Waller's lady, Mrs. May, and Sir Henry
Mildmay's lady, were supposed to have exercised the same au-
thority. See History of Flagellants, p. 340, 8vo. I meet with
the following lines in Butler's MS. Common-place Book :
Bees are governed in a monarchy,
By some more noble female bee.
For females never grow etfeniinate.
As men prove often, and subvert a state.
For as they take to men, and men to them,
It is the safest in the worst extream.
The Gracchi were more resolute and stout,
Who only by theii mother had been taught.
The ladies on both sides were very active during the civil
wars ; they held their meetings, at which they encouraged one
another in their zeal. Among the MSS. in the museum at Ox-
ford is one entitled Diverse remarkable Orders of the Ladles, at
the Spring-garden, in parliament assembled : together with cer-
tain votes of the unlawful assembly at Kate's, in Covent-sarden,
both sent abroad to prevent misinformation. Vesper. Veneris
Martii 25, 1647. One of the orders is ; " That whereas the lady
" Norton, door-keeper of this house, complayned of Sir Robert Har-
" ley, a member of the house of commons, for attempting to deface
" her, which happened thus : the said lady being a zealous Inde-
" pendent, and fond of the saints, and Sir Robert Harley having
"found that she was likewise painted, he pretended that she came
"within Ills ordinance against idolatry, saints painted, crosses,
" &c. ; but some friends of the said dooi"-keeper urging in her
" behalf, that none did ever yet attempt to adore her, or worship
" her, she was justified, and the house hereupon declared, that
" if any person, by virtue of any power whatsoever, pretended
" to be derived from the house of commons, or any other court,
"shall go about to impeach, hinder, or disturb any lady from
"painting, worshipping, or adorning herself to the best advan-
" tage, as also from planting of hairs, or investing of teeth," &c.,
&c. Another order in this mock parliament was, that they send
a messenger to the assembly of divines, to inquire what is meant
by the words due benevolence.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 213
Amen, quoth she, then turn'd about,
And bid her squire let liim out. 900
But ere an artist could be found
T' undo tlie charms another bound,
The sun grew low and left the skies,
Put down, some write, by ladies' eyes.
The moon puU'd off her veil of light,* 005
Tiiat's hides her face by day from sight.
Mysterious veil, of brightness made.
That's both her lustre and her shade,t }
And in the night as freely shone,
As if her rays had been her own: 910
For darkness is the proper sphere
Where all false glories use t' appear.
The twinkling stars began to mustre,
And glitter with their borrow'd lustre.
While sleep the weary'd world reliev'd, 915
By counterfeiting death reviv'd.t
Our vot'ry thought it best t' adjourn
His whipping penance till the morn,
And not to carry on a work
* This, and the eleven foUowinf; lines, are very just and
beautiful.
t The rays of the sun obscure the moon by day, and enliphten
it by night. This passage is extremely beautiful and poetical,
showing, among many others, Mr. Butler's powers in serious
poetry, if he had chosen that path.
X There is a beautiful modern epigram, which I do not cor-
rectly remember, or know where to find. It runs nearly thus :
Somne levis, quanquam certissima mortis imago,
Consortem cu|>io te tainen esse tnri.
Alma quies (jptata veni. nam sic sine vita
Vivere quam suave est, sic sine morte mori.
Biri'Oj TO. jjiiKpa Tov davdrov jiv^i'/pta.
Gnomici Poets, 915, 243,
vnvos PpoTti^v Travs'iip irdvdiv.
AthencB. I. .\. p. 449.
VTTVOS Tt((pvKe atijiaroi aiiOTtjpia.
Brunck. Analect. 243.
This canto in general is inimitable for wit and pleasantry: the
character of Hudibras is well preserved ; his manner of address
appears to he natural, and at the same time has strong marks of
singularity. Towards the conclusion, indeed, the conversation
becomes obscene ; but. excepting this blemish, I think the whole
canto by no means inferior to any part of the performance. The
critic will remark how exact our poet is in observing times and
seasons ; he describes morning and evining, and one day only ia
passed since the opening of the poem.
214 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
Of such importance, in the dark, 920
With erring haste, but rather stay,
And do't i' th' open face of day ;
And in the mean time go in quest
Of next retreat, to take his rest
Vallrcr.phuc
^ILlYjshM. -^ AS.® MI W2E 'JL ]L o
PART IT. CANTO li.
THE ARGUMENT.
The Knight and Squire in hot dispute,
Within an ace of falling out,
Are parted with a sudden fright
Of strange alarm, and stranger sight ;
With which adventuring to stickle,
They're sent away in nasty pickle.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO II.
'Tis strange how some men's tempers suit,
Like bawd and brandy, with dispute,*
That for their own opinions stand fast,
Only to have the«i claw'd and canvast.
That keep their consciences in cases,! 5
As fiddlers do their crowds and bases,!
Ne'er to be us'd but when they're bent
To play a fit for argument.^
Make true and false, unjust and just,
Of no use but to be discust ; 10
Dispute and set a paradox,
Like a straight boot, upon the stocks,
And stretch it more unmercifuU)',
Than Helmont, Montaigne, White, or Tully,||
* That is, how some men love disputing, as a bawd loves
brandy.
t A pun, or jeu de mots, on cases of conscience.
i That is, their fiddles and violoncellos.
^ The old phrase was, to play a fit of mirth : the word fit often
occurs in ancient ballads, and metrical romances: it is generally
applied to music, and signifies a division or part, for the conve-
nience of the performers; thns in the old poem of Jolin the
Reeve, the first part ends with this line.
The first fitt here find we ;
afterwards it signified the whole part or division : thus Chaucei
concludes the rhyme of Sir Thopas :
Lo ! lordes min, here is a fit ;
If ye will any more of it.
To tell it woll I fond.
The learned and ingenious bishop of Dromore, (Dr. Percy,)
thinks the word fit originally signified a poetic strain, verse, or
poem.
II Men are too apt to subtilize when they labor in defence of
a favorite sect or system. Van Helmont was an eminent phy-
sician and naturalist, a warm opposer of the principles of Aris-
totle and Galen, and unreasonably attached to chemistry. He
was born at Brussels, in 1588, and died l(j<)4. Michael de Mon-
taigne was born at Perigord, of a good family, 1533, died 1592.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 217
So th' ancient Stoics in the porch, 15
With fierce dispute maiutain'd their church,
Beat out their brains in fight and study.
To prove that virtue is a body,*
That bonum is an animal.
Made good with stout polemic brawl : 20
In which some hundreds on the place
He was fancifully educated by his father, waked every morning
with instruments of music, taught Latin by conversation, and
Greek as an amusement. His paradoxes related only to common
life; for he had little depth of learning. His essays contain
abundance of whimsical reflections on matters of ordinary oc-
currence, especially upon his own temperand qualities. He was
counsellor in the parliament of Bourdeau.v, and mayor of the
same place. Thomas White was second son of Richard White,
of Essex, esquire, by Mary his wife, daughter of Edmund Plow-
den, the great lawyer, in the reign of Elizabeth. He was a
zealous champion for the church of Rome and the Aristotelian
philosophy. He wrote against Joseph Glanville, who printed at
London, 1065, a book entitled. Scepsis Scientifica, or Confessed
Ignorance the Way to Science. Mr. White's answer, which de-
fended Aristotle and his disciples, was entitled, Scire, sive Scep-
tices et Scepticorum a jure Disputationis exclusio. This pro-
duced a reply from Glanville, under the title of. Scire, tuuni ni-
hil est. White published several books with the signatures of
Thomas Albius, or Thomas Anglus ex Albiis. His Dialogues
de Mundo, bear date 1G42, and are signed, autore Thoma Anglo
e generosa Albiorum in oriente Trinobantum prosapia, oriundo.
He embraced the opinions of Sir Kenelm Digby. For TuUy
some editions read Lully. Raymond Lully was a Majorcan,
born in the thirteenth century. He is said to have been extreme-
ly dissolute in his youth; to have turned sober at forty; in his
old age to have preached the gospel to the Saracens, and suffered
martyrdom, anno 1315. As to his paradoxes, prodiit, says San-
derson, e media barbarie vir magna professus, R. Lullus, qui
opus logicum quam specioso titulo insignivit, artem magnam
commentus: cujus ope pollicetur trimestri spatio hominem,
quamvis vel ipsa literarum elementa nescientem, totam encyclo-
pajdiam perdocere ; idque per circulos et triangulos, et lileras al-
phabeti sursum versum revolutas. There is a summary of his
scheme in Gassendus de Usu Logicoe, c. 8 ; Alsted Encyclop.
tom. iv. sect. 17. He is frequently mentioned in Butler's Re-
mains, see vol. i. 131, and in the character of an hermetic phi-
losopher, vol. ii. pp. 23-2, 247-25L But I have retained the word
Tully with the author's corrected edition. Mr. Butler alluded,
I suppose, to Cicero's Stoicorum Paradoxa, in which, merely for
the exercise of his wit, and to amuse himself and his friends,
he has undertaken to defend some of the most extravagant doc-
trines of the porch : Ego vero ilia ipsa, qua; vix in gymnasiis et
in otio stoici probant, ludens conjeci in communes locos.
* The stoics allowed of no incorporeal substance, no medium
between body and nothing. With them accidents and qualities,
virtues and vices, the passions of the mind, and every thing else,
was body. Animam constat animal esse, cum ipsa efficiat ut
simus animalia. Virtus autem nihil aliud est quam animus tal-
iter se habens. Ergo animal est. See also Seneca, epistle 113*
and Plutarch oa Superstition, sub initio.
10
218 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
Were slain outright,* and many a face
Retrench'd of nose, and eyes, and beard,
To maintain what their sect averr'd.
All which the knight and squire in wrath, 25
Had like t' have suffer'd for their faith ;
Each striving to make good his own.
As by the sequel shall be shown.
The sun had long since, in the lap
Of Thetis, taken out his nap, 30
And like a lobster boil'd, the morn
From black to red began to turn ;t
When Hudibras, whom thoughts and aching
'Twixt sleeping kept all night and waking,
Began to rouse his drowsy eyes, 35
And from his couch prepar'd to rise ;
Resolving to dispatch the deed
He vow'd to do with trusty speed :
But first, with knocking loud and bawling,
* We meet with the same account in the Remains, vol. ii.
242. "This had been an excellent course for the old roiind-
" headed stoics to find out whether bonum was corpus, or virtue
"an animal; about which they had so many fierce encounters
" in their stoa, that about 1400 lost their lives on the place, and
"far many more their beards, and teeth, and noses." The Gre-
cian history, I believe, does not countenance these remarks.
Diogenes Laertius, in his life of Zeno, book vii. sect. 5, says, that
this philosopher read his lectures in the stoa or portico, and
hopes the place would.be no more violated by civil seditions:
for, adds he, when the thirty tyrants governed the republic, 1400
citizens were killed there. Making no mention of a philosophi-
cal brawl, but speaking of a series of civil executions, which
took place in the ninety -fourth olympiad, at least a hundred
years before the foundation of the stoical school. In the old an-
notations, the words of Laertius are cited differently. " In por-
" ticu (stoicorum schola Athenis) discipulorum seditionibus,
" mille quadringenti triginta cives interfecti sunt." But from
whence the words "discipulorum seditionibus" were picked up,
I know not: unless from the old version of Ambrosius of Camal-
doli. There is nothing to answer them in the Greek, nor do they
appear in the translations of Aldobrandus or Meiboniius. Xen-
ophon observes, that more persons were destroyed by the tyran-
ny of the thirty, than had been slain by the enemy in eight en-
tire years of the Peloponnesian war. Both Isocrates and ^s-
chines make the number fifteen hundred. Seneca De Tranquil,
thirteen hundred. Lysias reports, that three hundred were con-
demned by one sentence. Laertius is the only writer that rep-
resents the portico as the scene of their sufferings. This, it
is true, stood in the centre of Athens, in or near the forum.
Perhaps, also, it might not be far from the desmoterion, or
prison.
t Mr. M. Bacon says, this simile is taken from Rabelais, who
calls the lobster cardinalized, from the red habit assumed by the
clergy of that rank.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 219
He rous'd the squire, in truckle lolling ;* 40
And after many circumstances,
Which vulgar authors in romances,
Uo use to spend their time and wits on,
To make impertinent description,
They got, with much ado, to horse, 45
And to the castle bent their course.
In which he to the dame before
To suffer whipping-duty swore :t
Where now arriv'd, and half unhamest,
To carry on tlie work in earnest, 50
He stopp'd and paus'd upon the sudden,
And witli a serious forehead plodding.
Sprung a new scruple in his head,
Which first he scratch'd, and after said ;
Wliether it be direct infringing 55
An oath, if I should wave this swinging,t
And what I've sworn to bear, forbear,
And so b' equivocation swear ;§
Or whether 't be a lesser sin
To be forsworn, than act the thing, 60
Are deep and subtle points, which must,
T' inform my conscience, be discust ;
In which to err a little, may
To errors infinite make way :
And therefore I desire to know 65
Thy judgment, ere we farther go.
Quoth Ralpho, Since you do injoin't,
I shall enlarge upon the point ;
And, for my own part, do not doubt
Th' affirmative may be made out. 70
But first, to state the case aright,
For best advantage of our light ;
And thus 'tis, wliether 't be a sin,
To claw and curry our own skin,
Greater or less than to forbear, 75
And tliat you are forsworn forswear.
* See Don Quixote, Part ii. ch. 20. A truckle-bed is a little
bed on wheels, which runs under a larger bed.
j In some of the early editions, it is duly swore, the sense being
in which he before swore to the dame to suffer whipping duly.
X From the Anglo-Saxon word swingan, to beat, or whip.
\ The equivocations and mental reservations of the Jesuits
were loudly complained of, and by none more than by the sec-
taries. When these last came into power, the royalists had too
often an opportunity of bringing the same charge against them
See Sanderson De Jur. Oblig. pr. ii. 55, 11.
220 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
But first, o' th' first : The inward man,
And outward, like a clan and clan,
Have always been at daggers-drawing
And one another clapper-clawing :* 80
Not that they really cufFor fence,
But in a spiritual mystic sense ;
Which to mistake, and make them squabble,
In literal fray's abominable ;
'Tis heathenish, in frequent use, 85
With pagans and apostate jews.
To offer sacrifice of bridewells,t
Like modern Indians to their idols ;t
And mongrel Christians of our times,
That expiate less with greater crimes, 90
And call the foul abomination,
Contrition and mortification.
Is't not enough we're bruis'd and kicked.
By sinful members of the wicked ;
Our vessels, that are sanctify'd, 95
Profan'd, and curry'd back and side ;
But we must claw ourselves with shameful
And heathen stripes, by their example ?
Which, were there nothing to forbid it.
Is impious, because they did it : 100
This therefore may be justly reckou'd
A heinous sin. Now to the second ;
That saints may claim a dispensation
To swear and forswear on occasion,
I doubt not ; but it will appear 105
With pregnant light : the point is clear,
Oaths are but words, and words but wind.
Too feeble implements to bind ;
•And hold with deeds proportion, so
As shadows to a substance do.§ 110
Then when they strive for place, 'tis fit
The weaker vessel should submit.
Although your church be opposite
To ours, as Black Friars are to White,
* The clans or tribes of the Highlanders of f cotland, have
sometimes kept up an hereditary prosecution oi' their quarrels
for many generations. The doctrine which the Independents
and other sectaries held, concerning the inward and outward
man, is frequently alluded to, and frequently explained, in these
notes.
t Whipping, the punishment usually inflicted in houses of
correction.
t That is, the fakirs, dervises, bonzes, of the east.
^ \6yos cpyov oKid, was an aphorism of Democritiis.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 221
In rule and order, yet I grant 115
You are a reformado saint ;*
And what the saints do claim as due,
You may pretend a title to :
But saints, whom oaths or vows oblige,
Know little of their privilege ; 120
Farther, I mean, than carrying on
Some self-advantage of their own :
For if the devil, to serve his turn.
Can tell truth ; why the saints should scorn,
When it sei-ves theirs, to swear and lie, 125
I think there's little reason why:
Else h' has a greater power than they,
Which 'twere impiety to say.
We're not commanded to forbear.
Indefinitely, at all to swear; 130
But to swear idly, and in vain,
Without self-interest or gain.
For breaking of an oath and lying.
Is but a kind of self-denying,
A saint-like virtue ; and from hence 135
Some have broke oaths by providence :
Some, to the glory of the Lord,
Ferjur'd themselves, and broke their word :1
And this the constant rule and practice
Of all our late apostles' acts is. 140
Was not the cause at first begun
With perjury, and carried on?
Was there an oath the godly took.
But in due time and place tliey broke ?
* That is, a saint volunteer, as being a Presbyterian, for the
Independents were the saints in pay. See P. iii. c. ii. I. 91.
t Dr. Owen had a wonderl'ul kiiaclc of attributing all the pro-
ceedings of his own party to the direction of the spirit. "The
" rebefariny," says South, " in their several treatings with the
" king, being asked by him whether they would stand to such
" and such agreements and promises, still answered, that they
" would do as the spirit should direct them. Whereupon that
" blessed prince would frequently condole his hard fate, that he
" had to do with persons to whom the spirit dictated one thing
" one day, and commanded the clean contrary the next." So
the history of independency : when it was first moved in the
house of commons to proceed capitally against the king, Crom-
well stood up, and told them, that if any man moved this with
design, he should think him the greatest traitor in the world;
but, since providence and necessity had cast them upon it, he
should pray God to bless their counsels. Harrison, Carew, and
others, when tried for the part they took in the king's death,
professed they had acted out of conscience to the Lord.
822 HUDIBRAS. [Part u.
Did we not bring our oaths in first, 145
Before our plate, to have them burst,
And cast in fitter models, for
The present use of church and war?
Did not our worthies of the house,
Before they broke the peace, break vows? 150
For having freed us first from botii
Th' aileg'ance and suprem'cy oath ;*
Did they not next compel the nation
To take, and break the protestation ?t
To swear, and after to recant, 155
The solemn league and covenant ?t
To take th' engagement, and disclaim it,§
Enforc'd by those who first did frame it ?
Did they not swear, at first, to fight|l
* Though they did not in formal and express terms abrogate
these oaths till after the king's death, yet in eftect they vacated
and annulled them, by administering the king's power, and sub-
sti III ting other oalhs, protestations, and covenants. Of tliese last
it is said in the Icon Basilike, whoever was the author of it,
" Every man soon grows his own pope, and easily absolves him-
" self from those ties, which not the command of God's word, or
" the laws of the land, but only the subtilty and terror of a party
" cast upon them. Either superfluous and vain, when they are
" sufficiently tied before ; or fraudulent and injurious, If by such
" after ligaments they find the impostors really aiming to dissolve
"or suspend their former just and necessary obligations."
t In the protestation they promised to defend the true reformed
religi(m, expressed in the doctrine of the Church of England ;
which yet in the covenant, not long after, they as religiously
vowed to change.
t And to recant is but to cant again, says Sir Robert L'Estrange.
In the solemn league and covenant, (called a league, because it
was to be a bond of amity and confederation between the king-
doms of England and Scotland; and a covenant, because they
pretended to make a covenant with God,) they swore to defend
the person and authority of the king, and cause the world to be-
hold their fidelity; and that they would not, in the least, dimin-
ish his just power and greatness. The Presbyterians, who in
some Instances stuck to the covenant, contrived an evasion for
this part of it, viz. : that they had sworn to defend the person
and authority of the king in support of religion and public liberty.
Now, said they, we find that the defence of the person and au-
thority of the king is incompatible with the support of religion
and liberty, and therefore, for the sake of religion and liberty,
we are bound to oppose and ruin the king. Hut the Independ-
ents, who were at last the prevailing parly, utterly renounced the
covenant. Mr. Goodwin, one of their most eminent preachers,
asserted, that to violate this abominable and cursed oath, out of
conscience to God, was a holy and blessed perjury.
§ After the death of the king a new oath was prepared, which
they called the Engagement; the form whereof was, that every
man should engage and swear to be true and faithful to the gov-
ernment then established.
II Cromwell, though in general a hypocrite, was very sincere
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 223
For the king's safety, and his right ? 160
And after march'd to find iiim out,
And charg'd him home with horse and foot?
And yet still had the confidence
To swear it was in his defence ?
Did they not swear to live and die 165
With Essex, and straight laid him by ?*
If that were all, for some have swore
As false as they, if th' did no more.t
Did they not swear to maintain law.
In which that swearing made a flaw ? 170
For protestant religion vow,
That did that vowing disallow ?
For privilege of parliament,
In which that swearing made a rent ?
And since, of all the three, not one 75
Is left in being, 'tis well known.t
Did they not swear, in express words.
To prop and back the house of lords ?§
when he first mustered his troop, and declared that he would
not deceive them by perplexed or involved expressions, in his
commission, to fight for king and parliament; but he would as
soon discharge his pistol upon the king as upon any other person.
* When the parliament first took up arras, and the earl of
Esses was chosen general, several members of the house stood
up and declared that they would live and die with the earl of
Essex. This was afterwards the usual style of addresses to par-
liament, and of their resolutions. Essex continued in great
esteem with the party till September, 1644, when he was de-
feated by the king, in Cornwall. But the principal occasion of
his being laid aside was the subtle practice of Cromwell, who
in a speech to the house had thrown out some oblique refiections
on the second fight near Newbery, and the loss of Doninglon
castle; and, fearing the resentment of Essex, contrived to pass
the self-denying ordinance, whereby Essex, as general, anil most
of the Presbyterians in office, were removed. The Presbyterians
in the house were superior in number, and thought of new-
modelling the army again; but in the mean time the earl died.
t Essex, it was loudly said by many of his friends, was poi
soned. Clarendon's History, vol. iii. b. 10.
t Namely, law, religion, and privilege of parliament.
^ When the army began to present criminal information
against the king, in order to keep the lords quiet, who might
well be supposed to be in fear for their own privileges and
honors, a message was sent to them promising to maintain their
privileges of peerage, &c. But as soon as the king was behead-
ed, the lords were discarded and turned out. February the first,
two days after the king's death, when the lords sent a message
to the commons for a conunittee to consider the way of settling
the nation ; the commons made an order to consider on the mor-
row whether the messenger should be called in, and whether
the house should take any cognizance thereof. February the
fifth the lords sent again, but their messengers were not called
224 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
Ana after tuni'd out the whole house-full
Of peers, as dang'rous and unuseful. 180
So Cromwell, with deep oaths and vows,
Swore all the commons out o' th' house ;*
Vow'd that the red-coats would disband,
Ay, marry wou'd they, at their command ;
And troU'd them on, and swore and swore, 185
Till th' army turn'd them out of door.
This tells us plainly what they thought,
That oaths and swearing go for nought ;
And that by them th' were only meant
To serve for an expedient, h 190
What was the public faith found out for,l
But to slur men of what they fought for ?
The public faith, which ev'ry one
Is bound t' observe, yet kept by none ;
And if that go for nothing, why 195
Should private faith have such a tie ?
in ; and it was debated, by the commons, whether the house of
lords should be continued a court of judicature ; and the next
day it was resolved by them, that the house of peers in parlia-
ment was useless, and ought to be abolished. VVhitelock.
* After the king's party was utterly overthrown, Cromwell,
who all along, as it is supposed, aimed at the supreme power,
persuaded the parliament to send part of their army into Ireland,
and to disband the rest : which the Presbyterians in the house
were forward to do. This, as he knew it would, set the army in
a iriutiny, which he and the rest of the commanders made show
to take indignation at. And Cromwell, to make the parliament
secure, called God to witness, that he was sure the army would,
at their first command, cast their arms at their feet ; and again
solemnly swore, that he had rather himself and his whole fam-
ily should be consumed, tlian that the army should break out
into sedition. Yet in the mean time he blew up the flame ; and
getting leave to go down to the army to quiet them, immediately
joined with them in all their designs. By which arts he so
strengthened his interest in the army, and incensed them against
the parliament, that with the help of the red-coats he turned
them all out of doors. Bates Elench. Mot. and others.
t Expedient was a term often used by the sectaries. When
the members of the council of state engaged to approve of what
should be done by the commons in parliament for the future, it
was ordered to draw up an expedient for the members to sub-
scribe.
X It was usual to pledge the public faith, as they called it, by
which they meant the credit of parliament, or their own prom-
ises, for moneys borrowed, and many times never repaid. A re-
markable answer was given to the citizens of London on some
occasion : "In truth the subjects may plead the property of their
"goods against the king, but not ag:iinst the parliament, to whom
"it appertains to dispose of all the goods of the kingdom." Their
own partisans, Milton and Lilly, complain of not being repaid
the money they had laid out to support the cause.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 225
Oaths were not purpos'd more than law,
To keep the good and just in awe,*
But to confine the bad and shiful,
Like mortal cattle in a pinfold. 200
A saint's of th' heav'nly realm a peer ;
And as no peer is bound to swear.
But on the gospel of iiis honour.
Of which he may dispose as owner,
It follows, tho' the thing be forgery, 205
And false, th' afHrni it is no perjury.
But a mere ceremony, and a breach
Of nothing, but a form of speech,
And goes for no more when 'tis took,
Than mere saluting of the book. 210
Suppose the Scriptures are of force.
They're but commissions of course,!
And saints have freedom to digress.
And vary from 'em as they please ;
Or misinterpret them by private 215
Instructions, to all aims they drive at.
Then why should we ourselves abridge,
And curtail our own privilege ?
Quakers, that like to lanthorns, bear
Their light within them, will not swear ; 220
Their gospel is an accidence.
By which they construe conscience,t
And hold no sin so deeply red,
As that of breaking Priscian's head.§
The head and founder of their order, 225
That stirring hats held worse than murder ;|1
* "Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous
"man, but fur the lawless and disobedient." 1 Timothy i. 9.
t A satire on the liberty the parliament officers took of vary-
ing from their commissions, on pretence of private instructions.
t That is, they, the Cluakers, interpret scripture altogether
literal, and make a point of conscience of using the wrong num-
ber in grammar : or, it may mean that grammar is their scripture,
by which they interpret right or wrong, lawful or unlawful.
ij Priscian was a great grammarian about the year 5'28, and
when any one spoke false granunar, he was said to break Pris-
cian's head. The Quakers, we know, are great sticklers for
plainness and simplicity of speech. Thou is the singular, you
the plural; consequently it is breaking Priscian's head, it is
false grammar, quoth the Quaker, to use you, in the singular
number: George Fo.\ was another Priscian, witness his Battel-
d'or.
II Some think that the order of Quakers, and not Priscian, is
here meant; but then it would be holds, not held: I therefore
am inclined to think that the poet humorously supposes that
Priscian, who received so raanv blows oa the head, was much
10*
226 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
These thinking they're oblig'd to troth
In swearing, will not take an oath ;
Like mnles, wlio if they've not the will
To keep their own pace, stand stock still ; 230
But they are weak, and little know
What free-born consciences may do.
'Tis the temptation of the devil
That makes all human actions evil :
For saints may do the same things by 235
The spirit, in sincerity,
Which other men are tempted to,
And at the devil's instance do ;
And yet the actions be contrary,
Just as the saints and wicked vary. 240
For as on land there is no beast
But in some fish at sea's exprest ;*
So in the wicked there's no vice.
Of which the saints have not a spice ;
And yet that thing that's pious in 245
The one, in th' other is a sin.t
averse to taking off his hat; and therefore calls him the founder
of Quakerism. This may seem a far-fetched conceit ; but a
similar one is employed by Mr. Butler on another occasion.
"You may perceive the Quaker has a crack in his skull," says
he, " by the great care he takes to keep his hat on, lest his sickly
" brains, if he have any, should take cold." Remains, ii. 353 ;
i. 391. April 20, 1649, nearly at the beginning of Quakerism,
Everard and Winstanley, chief of the Levellers, came to the
general, and made a large declaration to justify themselves.
While they were speaking, they stood with their hats on ; and
being demanded the reason, said, " he was but their fellow-
" creature." " This is set down," says Whitelocke, " because it
" was the beginning of the appearance of this opinion." So ob-
stinate were the Quakers in this point, that Barclay makes the
following declaration concerning it: " However small or foolish
'• this may seem, yet, I can say boldly in the sight of God, we be-
" hooved to choose death rather than do it, and that for conscience
" sake." There is a story told of William Penn, that being admit-
ted loan audience by Charles II., he did not pull off his hat ; when
the king, as a gentle rebuke to him for his ill manners, took off his
own. On which Penn said, "FriendCharles, why dost not thou
" keep on thy hat V and the king answered, " Friend Penn, it is
" the custom of this place that no more than one person be cov-
"ered at a time."
* Thus Dubartas :
So many fishes of so many features,
That in the waters we may see all creatures,
Even all that on the earth are to be found,
As if the world were in deep waters drown'd.
But see Sir Thomas Brown's Treatise on Vulgar Errors, book
lii. chap. 24.
t Many held the antinomian principle, that believers, or per-
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 237
Is't not ridiculous, and nonsense,
A saint should be a slave to conscience? _
That ought to be above such fancies,
As far as above ordinances 1* 250
She's of the wicked, as I guess,
B' her looks, her language, and her dress :
And tho', like constables, we search
For false wares one another's church ;
Yet all of us hold this for true, 255
No faith is to the wicked due.
For truth is precious and divine.
Too rich a pearl for carnal swine.
Quoth Hudibras, All this is true,
Yet 'tis not fit that all men knew 260
Those mysteries and revelations ;
And therefore topical evasions
Of subtle turns, and shifts of sense.
Serve best with th' wicked for pretence,
Such as the learned Jesuits use, 265
And presbyterians, for excuset
sons regenerate, cannot sin. Though they commit the same
acts, which are styled and are sins in others, yet in them they
are no sins. Because, say they, it is not the nature of the ac-
tion that derives a quality upon the person ; but it is the antece-
dent quality or condition of the person that denominates his ac-
tions, and stamps them good or bad: so that they are those only
who are previously wicked, that do wicked actions ; but be-
lievers, doing the very same things, never comnut the same
sins.
* Some sectaries, especially the Muggletonians, thought them-
selves so sure of salvation, that they deemed it needless to con-
form to ordinances, human or divine.
t On the subject of Jesuitical evasions we may recite a story
from Mr. Foulis. He tells us that, a little before the death of
dueen Elizabfeth, when the Jesuits were endeavoring to set
aside King James, a little book was written, entitled, a Treatise
on Equivocation, or, as it was afterwards styled by Garnet, pro-
vincial of the Jesuits, a Treatise against Lying and Dissimula-
tion, which yet allows an excuse for the most direct falsehood,
by their law of directing the intention. For example, in time of
the plague a man goes to Coventry ; at the gates he is examined
upon oath whether he came from London : the traveller, though
he directly came from thence, may swear positively that he did
not. The reason is, because he knows himself not infected, and
does not endanger Coventry ; which he supposes to answer the
final intent of the demand. At the end of this book is an allow-
ance and commendation of it by Blackwell, thus : Tractatus istb
valde doctus et vere pius et catholicus est. Certe sac. scriptura-
rum, patrum, doctorum, scholasticorum, canonistarum, et opti-
marum rationum preesidiis plenissime firmat equitatem equivo-
cationis, ideoque dignissimus qui typis propagetur ad consolatio-
nem afflictorum calholicorum, et omnium piorum instructionein.
Ita censeo Georgius Blackwellus archipresbiter Angliae et proto-
228 HUDIBRAS. [Part a
Against the protestants, when th' happen
To find their churches taken napphig ;
As thus : a breach of oath is duple,
And either way admits a scruple, 270
And may be, ex parte of the maker,
More criminal than the injur'd taker ;
For he that strains too far a vow,
Will break it, like an o'er bent bow :
And he that made, and forc'd it, broke it, 275
Not he that for convenience took it.
A broken oath is, quatenus oath.
As sound t' all purposes of troth.
As broken laws are ne'er the worse,
Nay, 'till they're broken, have no force. 280
What's justice to a man, or laws.
That never comes within their claws ?
They have no pow'r, but to admonish ;
Cannot control, coerce, or punish.
Until they're broken, and then touch 285
Tiiose only that do make them such.
Beside, no engagement is allow'd.
By men in prison made, for good ;
For when they're set at liberty.
They're from th' engagement too set free. 290
The rabbins write, when any jew
Did make to god or man a vow,*
not;irius apostoliciis. On the second leaf it has this title : A
Treatise against Lying and Fraudulent Dissinnilation, newly
overseen by the Author, and published for the Defence of Inno-
cency, and for the Instruction of Ignorats. The iSIS. was seized
by Sir Edward Coke, in Sir Thomas Tresham's chamber, in the
Inner Temple, and is now in the Bodleian library, at Oxford.
MS. Laud. E. 45, with the attestation in Sir Edward Coke's
handwriting, 5 December 1605, and the following motto: Os
quod mentitur occidit animam. An instance of the parliament-
arians shifting their sense, and explaining away their declara-
tion, may be this : When the Scots delivered u]) the king to the
parliament, they were promised that he should he treated with
safety, liberty, and honor. But when the Scots afterwards found
reason to demand the performance of that promise, they were
answered, that the promise was formed, published, and employed
according as the state of affairs then stood. And yet these
promises to preserve the person and authority of the king had
been made with the most solenm protestations. We protest, say
they, in the presence of Almighty God, which is the strongest
bond of a Christian, and by the public faith, the most solenm
that any state can give, that neither adversity nor success shall
ever cause us to change our resolutions.
* There is a traditional doctrine among the .Tews, that if any
y^W person has made a vow, which afterwards he wishes to recall,
be may go to a rabbi, or three other men, and if he can prove to
Canto il] HUDIBRAS. 229
Which afterwards he found untoward,
And stubborn to be kept, or too hard ;
Any three other jews o' tli' nation 295
Might free him from the obligation :
And have not two saints power to use
A greater privilege than tliree jews ?*
The court of conscience, which in man
Sliould be supreme and sovereign, 300
Is't fit should be subordinate
To ev'ry petty court i' th' state.
And have less power than the lesser,
To deal with perjury at pleasure ?
Have its proceedings disallow'd, or 365
Allow'd, at fancj' of pie-powder ?t
Tell all it does, or does not know,
For swearing ex officio ?t
Be forc'd t' impeach a broken hedge,
And pigs unring'd at vis. franc, pledge ?§ 310
them that no injury will be sustained by any one, they may free
him from its obligation. See Remains, vol. 1. 300.
* Mr. Bmler told Mr. Veal, that by the two saints he meant
Dr. Dovvnini; and Mr. Marshall, who, when some of the rebels
had their lives spared on condition that they would not in future
bear arms against the king, were sent to dispense with the oath,
and persuade them to enter again into the service. Mr. Veal
was a gentleman commoner of Edmund Hall during the troubles,
and was about seventy years old when he gave this account to
Mr. Coopey. ^ee (Godwin's MS. notes on Grey's Hudibras, in
the Hodleian library, Oxford.
t The court of pie powder takes cognizance of such disputes
as arise in fairs and markets; and is so called from the old
French word pied-puldreaux, which signifies a pedler, one who
gets a livelihood without a fixed or certain residence. See Bar-
rington's Observations on the Statutes ; and Blackstone's Com-
nicntarics, vol. iii. p. .32. In the borough laws of Scotland, an
alien merchant is called pied-puldreaux.
J tn some courts an oath was administered, usually called the
oath ex officio, whereby the parties were obliged to answer to
interrogatories, and therefore were thought to be obliged to ac-
cuse or purge themselves of any criminal matter. In the year
11)04 a conference was held concerning some reforms in ecclesi-
astical matters when James I. presided; one of the matters
complained of was the ex officio oath. The Lord Chancellor
lord treasurer, and the archbishop (Whitgift) defended the oath :
the king gave a description of it, laid down the grounds upon
which it stood, and justified the wisdom of the constitution. For
swearing ex oflficio, that is, by taking the ex officio oath. A fur-
ther account of this oath may be seen in Neal's History of the
Puritans, vol. i. p. 444.
^ Lords of certain manors had the right of requiring surety of
the freeholders for their good behavior towards the king and his
subjects : which security, taken by the steward at the lord's
court, was to be exhibited to the sheritl' of the county. These
manors were said to have view of frank pledge.
230
IIUDIBRAS. [Part n.
Discover thieves, and bawds, recusants,
Priests, witclies, eves-droppers, and nuisance :
Tell wlio did play at games unlawful,
And who fill'd pots of ale but half-full :
And have no pow'r at all, nor shift, 315
To help itself at a dead lift ?
Why should not conscience have vacation
As well as other courts o' th' nation ?
Have equal power to adjourn,
Appoint appearance and return ? 320
And make as nice distinctions serve
To split a case, as those that carve.
Invoking cuckolds' names, hit joints ?*
Why should not tricks as sligiit, do points ;
Is not th' high court of justice sworn 325
To judge that law that serves their turn ?t
Make their own jealousies high treason.
And fix them whomsoe'er they please on ?
Cannot the learned counsel there
Make laws in any shape appear ? 330
Mould 'em as witches do their clay.
When they make pictures to destroy U
* Our ancestors, when they found it difficult to carve a goose,
a hare, or other dish, used to say in jest, they should hil the
joint if they could tliink of tlie name of a cuckold. Mr. Kyile,
the man of Ross, celebrated by Pope, had always company to
dine with him on a market day, and a goose, if it cnuld lie pro-
cured, was one of the dishes ; which he claimed the privilege
of carving himself. When any guest, ignorant of the etiquette
of the table, offered to save him that trouble, he would e.\claim,
" Hold your hand, man, if I am good for any thing, it is for hit-
" ting cuckolds' joints."
t The high court of justice was a court first instituted for the
trial of king Ciiarles I., hut afterwards extended its jiuticature to
some of his adherents, to the year 1658. As it had no law or
precedents to go by, its determinations were those which best
served the turii of its members. See the form of the oath ad-
ministered to them upon the trial of Sir Henry Slingsby, and Dr.
Hewet, ]6.i8, in Mercurius Politicus, No. 414, page 501.
I It was supposed that witches, by forming the image of any
one in wa.v or clay, and sticking it with pins, or putting it to
other torture, could annoy also the prototype or person repre-
sented. According to Dr. Dee such enchantments were used
against Clueen Elizabeth. Elinor f'obham employe(i them against
Henry Vl., and Amy Simpson against James VI. of Scotland. A
criminal process was issued against Robert of Artois, who con-
trived the figure of a young man in wax, and declared it was
made against John of France, the king's son : he added, that he
would have anotlier figure of a woman, not baptized, against a
she-devil, the queen. Monsieur de Laverdies observes, that the
spirit of superstition had persuaded people, that figures of wax
baptized, and pierced for several days tn the heart, brought about
Xhe death of the [lerson against whom they were intended.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 231
And vex them into any form
That fits their purpose to do harm?
Rack them until they do confess, 335
Impeacli of treason whom they please,
And most perfidiously condemn
Those that engag'd their lives for them ?
And yet do nothing in their own sense,
But what they ought by oath and conscience. 340
Can they not juggle, and with slight
Conveyance play with wrong and right ;
And sell their blasts of wind as deai,*
As Lapland witches bottl'd air ?t
Will not fear, favour, bribe, and grudge, 345
The same case sev'ral ways adjudge?
As seamen, with the self-same gale,
Will sev'ral different courses sail ;
As when the sea breaks o'er its boundsjt
And overflows the level grounds, 350
Those banks and dams, that, like a screen,
Did keep it out, now keep it in ;
So when tyrannical usurpation
Invades the freedom of a nation,
The laws o' th' land that were intended 355
To keep it out, are made defend it.
Does not in chanc'ry ev'ry man swear
What makes best for him in his answer?
Is not the winding up witnesses.
And nicking, more than half the bus'ness? 360
For witnesses, like watches, go
Just as they're set, too fast or slow ;
And where in conscience they're strait lac'd,
'Tis ten to one that side is cast.
Account of MSS. in the French king's library, 1789, vol. ii. p.
404.
* That is, their breath, their pleadings, their arguments.
t The witches in Lapland pretended to sell liags of wind to
the s.iilors, which would carry them to whatever quarter they
pleased. See Olaus Magnus. Cleveland, in his King's Disguise,
p. 61 :
The Laplanders when they would sell a wind
Wafting to hell, bag up thy phrase and bind
It to the barque, which at the voyage end
Shifts pool), and breeds the collick in the fiend.
t This simile may be found in prose in Butler's Remains, vol.
i. p. 298. " For as when the sea breaks over its bounds, and
" overflows the land, those dams and banks that were made to
"keep it out, do afterwards serve to keep it in : so when tyranny
"and usurpation break in upon the common right and freedom,
" the laws of God and of the land are abused, to support that
"which they were intended to oppose."
232
HUDIBRAS.
[Part u
Do not your juries give their verdict
As if they felt the cause, not heard it ?
And as they please make matter o' fact
Run all on one side as they're packt?
Nature has made man's breast no windores,
To publish what he does within doors ;*
Nor what dark secrets there inhabit,
Unless his own rash folly blab it.
If oaths can do a man no good
In his own bus'ness, why tliey shou'd.
In other matters, do him hurt,
I think there's little reason for't.
He that imposes an oath makes it,
Not he that for convenience takes it :
Then how can any man be said
To break an oath he never made?
These reasons may perhaps look oddly
To th' wicked, tho' they evince the godly;
But if they will not serve to clear
My honour, I am ne'er the near.
Honour is like that glassy bubble.
That finds philosophers such trouble :
Whose least part crack'd, the whole does fly,
And wits are crack'd to find out why.t
365
370
375
380
385
* Monius is said to have found fault with the frame of man,
because there were no doors nor windows in his breast, thnniKti
whicli his thousihts might be discovered. See an ingenious
paper on this subject in the Guardian, vol. ii. No. lOG. Mr. But-
ler spells windore in the same manner where it does not rhyme.
Perhaps he thought that the etymology of the word was wind-
door.
t The drop, or bubble, mentioned in this simile, is made of
ordinary glass, of the shape and about twice the size described
in the margin. It is nearly solid. The thick pnrt, at D
or K, will bear the stroke of a hsimmer; but if you
break oft' the top in the slender and slojiing part at
B or C, the whole will burst with a noise, and be
blown about in powder to a considerable distance.
The first establishers of the Royal Society, anil many
philosophers in various parts of Europe, found it diffi-
cult to explain this phenomenon. Monsieur Robalt,
in his Physics, calls it a kind of a miracle in nature,
and says, (part i. c. xxii. § 47:) " Ed. Clarke lately
"discovered, and brought it hither from Holland,
"and which has travelled through all the universi-
"ties in Europe, where it has raised the curiosity,
" and confounded the reason of the greatest part of
" the philosophers :" he accounts for it in the follow-
ing manner. He says, that the drop, when taken hot
from the fire, is suddenly emersed in some appropriate liquor,
(cold water he thinks will break it,)* by which means the pores
* Here be is mistakea.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 233
Quoth Ralpho, Honour's but a word,
To swear by only in a lord :* 390
In other men 'tis but a hufF
To vapour with, instead of proof;
That hke a wen, looks big and swells,
Insenseless, and just nothing else.
Let it, quoth he, be what it will, 395
It has the world's opinion still.
But as men are not wise that run ,
The slightest hazard, they may shun.
There may a medium be found out
To clear to all the world the doubt ; 400
And that is, if a man may do"t.
By proxy whipp'd, or substitute. t
Though nice and dark the point appeal
Quoth Ralph, it may hold up and clear.
That sinners may supply the place 405
Of suffering saints, is a plain case.
Justice gives sentence, many times.
On one man for another's crimes.
Our brethren of New England use
Choice malefactors to excuse,t 410
9n the outside are closed, and the substance of the glass con-
(Jensed ; wjjjle the inside not cooling so fast, the pores are left
wider and wider from the surface to the middle : so that the air
beins let in, and findinj; no passage, bursts it to pieces. To prove
the truth of his explication, he observes, that if you break off the
very point of it at A, the drop will not burst : because that part
beins very slender, it was cooled all at once, the pores were
equally closed, and there is no passage for the air into the wider
pores below. If you heat the drop again in the fire, and let
it cool gradually, the outer pores will be opened, and made as
large as the inner, and then, in whatever part you break it, there
will be no bursting. He gave three of the drops to three several
jewellers, to be drilled or filed at C D and E, but when they had
worked them a little way, that is, beyond the pores which were
closed, they all burst to powder.
* Lords, when they give judgment, are not sworn : they say
only upon my honor.
t Mr- Murray, of the bed-chamber, was whipping boy to king
Charles I. Burnet's History of his own Times, vol. i. p. 244.
i This story is asserted to be true, in the notes subjoined by
Mr. Butler to the early editions. A similar one is related by Dr.
Grey, from Morton's English Canaan, printed 1037. A lusty
young fellow was condemned to be hanged for stealing corn ; but
it w.as proposed in council to execute a bed-rid old man in the
offender's clothes, which would satisfy appearances, and pre-
serve a useful member to society. Dr. Grey mentions likewise
a letter from the committee of Stafford to speaker ],enthall, dated
Aug. 5 , 104.5, desiring a respite for Henry Steward, a soldier under
the governor of Hartlebury castle, and offering two Irishmen to
be executed in his stead. Ralpho calls them his brethren of
Nev/ England, because the inhabitants there were generally In-
234 • HUDIBRAS. [Part a
And hang the guiltless in their stead ;
Of whom the churches have less need.
As lately 't happen'd : in a town
There liv'd a cobler, and but one,
That out of doctrine could cut use, 415
And mend men's lives as well as shoes.
This precious brother having slain,
In times of peace, an Indian,
Not out of malice, but mere zeal.
Because he was an infidel, 420
The mighty Tottipottimoy*
Sent to our elders an envoy,
Complaining sorely of the breach
Of league, held forth by brother Patch,
Against the articles in force 425
Between both churches, his and ours ;
For which he crav'd the saints to render
Into his hands, or hang th' offender ;
But they maturely having weigh'd
They had no more but him o' th' trade, 430
A man that serv'd them in a double
Capacity, to teach and cobble,
Resolv'd to spare him ; yet to do
The Indian Hoghan Mowhan too
Impartial justice, in his stead did 435
Hang an old weaver that was bed-rid :
Then wherefore may not you be skipp'd,
And in your room another whipp'd ?
For all philosophers, but the sceptic,t
Hold whipping may be sympathetic. 440
It is enough, quoth Hudibras,
Thou hast resolv'd, and clear'd the case ;
And canst, in conscience, not refuse.
From thy own doctrine, to raise use :t
I know thou wilt not, for my sake, 445
Be tender-conscienc'd of thy back :
dependents. In the ecclesiastical constitution of that province,
modelled according to Robinson's platform, there was a co-ordi-
nation of churches, not a subordination of one to another. John
(le Laet says, primos colonos, uti et illos qui postea accesserunt,
potissinium aut ouinino fuisse ex eorum hominum secta, quos in
Anglia Brownistas et puritanoj vocant.
* I don't know whether this was a real name, or an imitation
only of North AM)eric;in phraseology: the appellation of an in-
dividual, or a title of office.
t The skeptics held that there was no certainty of sense; and
consequently, that men did not always know when they felt any
thing.
X A favorite expression of the sectaries of those days.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS- 235
Then strip thee of thy carnal jerkin,
And give thy outward fellow a ferking ;
For when thy vessel is new hoop'd,
All leaks of sinning will be stopp'd. 450
Quoth Ralpho, You mistake the matter,
For in all scruples of this nature,
No man includes himself, nor turns
The point upon his own concerns.
As no man of his own self catches 455
The itch, or amorous Frencli aches ;
So no man does himself convince.
By his own doctrine, of his sins :
And though all cry down self, none means
His own self in a literal sense : 460
Besides, it is not only foppish.
But vile, idolatrous, and popish,
For one man out of his own skin
To frisk and whip another's sin ;*
As pedants out of school boy's breeches 465
Do claw and curry their own itches.
But in this case it is profane,
And sinful too, because in vain ;
For we must take cur oaths upon it
You did the deed, when I have done it. 470
Quoth Hudibras, That's answer'd soon ;
Give us the whip, we'll lay it on.
Quoth Ralpho, That you may swear true,
'Twere properer that I whipp'd you ;
For when with your consent 'tis done, 475
The act is really your own.
Quoth Hudibras, It is in vain,
I see, to argue 'gainst tiie grain ;
Or, like the stars, incline men to
What they're averse themselves to do : 480
For when disputes are weary'd out,
'Tis interest still resolves the doubt :
But since no reason can confute ye,
I'll try to force you to your duty ;
For so it is, howe'er you mince it ; 485
As, e'er we part, I shall evince it.
And curry, t if you stand out, whether
You will or no, your stubborn leather.
Canst thou refuse to bear thy part
* A banter on the popish doctrine of satisfactions,
t Coria perficere : or it may be derived from the Welsh kuro,
to beat or pound. This scene is taken from Don (liiixote.
236 HUDIBRAS. [Part u.
r th' public work, base as thou art ? 490
To higgle thus, for a few blows,
To gain thy Knight an op'lent spouse,
Whoso wealth his bowels yearn to purchase,
Merely for tli' int'rest of the churches ?
And when he has it in his claws, 495
Will not be hide-bound to the cause:
Nor shall thou find him a curmudgin,*
If thou dispatch it without grudging :
If not, resolve, before we go,
That you and I must pull a crow. 500
Ye'ad best, quoth Ralpho, as the ancients
Say wisely, have a care o' th' main chance.
And look before you, ere you leap ;
For as you sow, y'are like to reap :
And were y' as good as George-a-green,t 505
I should make bold to turn agen :
Nor am I doubtful of the issue
In a just quarrel, as mine is so.
Is't fitting for a man of honour
To whip the saints, like Bishop Bonner ?t 510
A knight t' usurp the beadle's oflice.
For which y' are like to raise brave trophies ?
But I advise you, not for fear.
But for your own sake, to forbear ;
And for the churches, § which may chance 515
From hence, to spring a variance.
And raise among themselves new scruples.
Whom common danger hardly couples,
Remember how in arms and politics,
We still have worsted all your holy tricks ;|| 520
Trepann'd your party with intrigue.
* Perhaps from the French cceur mechant.
t A valiant hero, perhaps an outlaw, in the time of Kichard
the First, who conquered Robin Hood and Little John. He is
the same with the Pinder of Wakefield. See Echard's History
of England, vdl. i. 2-213. The Old Ballads; Ben Jonson's play
of the Sad Shepherd; and Sir John Suckling's Poems.
X Bishop of London in the reign of queen Mary: a man of
profligate manners and of brutal character. He sometimes
whipped the Protestants, who were in custody, with his own
hands, till he was tired with the violence of the e.\ercise.
Hume's History of Mary, p. 378; Fox, Acts and Monuments, ed.
1576, p. 1037.
^ It was very common for the sectaries of those days, however
attentive they might be to their own interest, to pretend that
they had nothing in view but the welfare of the churches.
iJThe Independents and Anabaptists got the array on theii
side, and overpowered the Presbyterians.
Gunl-'r'='ilp
jm^SMOF EBffiTffH® B®MKim..
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 237
And took your grandees down a peg ;
Nevv-modell'd the army, and eashier'd
All that to Legion Smec adher'd ;
Made a mere utensil o' your church, 525
And after left it in the lurch ;
A scaffold to build up our own,
And when w' had done with 't, pull'd it down ;
O'er-reach'd your rabbins of the synod,
And snapp'd their canons with a why-not :* 530
Grave synod-men, that where rever'd
For solid face, and depth of beard,
Their classic model prov'd a maggot,
Their direcl'ry an Indian pagod ;t
And drown'd their discipline like a kitten, 535
On which they'd been so long a sitting ;
Decry'd it as a holy cheat.
Grown out of date, and obsolete.
And all the saints of the first grass,t
As casting foals of Balaam's ass. 540
At this the Knight grew high in chafe,§
And staring furiously on Ralph,
He trembl'd, and look'd pale with ire,
Like ashes first, then red as fire.
Have I, quoth he, been ta'en in fight, 545
And for so many moons lain by't.
And when all other means did fail,
I Have been exchang'd for tubs of ale ?|I
* Some editions read, " capoch'd your rabbins," that is, blind-
folded ; but this word does not agree so well with the squire's
simplicity of expression. Why-not is a fanciful term used in
Butler's Remains, vol. i. p. 178 : it sis-nifies the obliging a man
to yield his assent; the driving him to a non plus, when he
knows not what to answer. It may resemble quidni in Latin,
and Ti iJi)i' in Greek.
t The directory was a book drawn up by the assembly of di-
vines, and published by authority of parliament, containing
instructions to tlieir ministers for the regulation of public wor-
ship. One of the scribes to the assembly, who executed a great
part of the work, was Adoniram Byfield, said to have been a
broken apothecary. He was the father of Byfield, the salvola-
tile doctor.
t The Presbyterians, the first sectaries that sprang up and op-
posed the established church.
$ Talibus exarsit dictis violentia Tumi.
.^neid. xi. 376.
II Mr. Butler, in his own note on these lines, says, " The knight
" was kept prisoner in Exotcr, and after several changes pro-
" posed, but none accepted of, was at last released for a barrel
" of ale, as he used upon all occasions to declare." It is proba-
238 HUDIBRAS. [Part u
Not but they thought me worth a ransom,
Much more consid'rable and handsome ; 550
But for their own sakes, and for fear
Tliey were not safe, when I was there ;
Now to be baffled by a scoundrel,
Au upstart sect'ry, and a mungrel,*
Such as breed out of peccant humours 555
Of our own church, like wens or tumours,
And like a maggot in a sore,
Wou"d that which gave it life devour ;
It never shall be done or said :
With that he seized upon his blade ; 560
And Ralpho too, as quick and bold,
Upon his basket-hilt laid hold.
With equal readiness prepar'd.
To draw and stand upon his guard ;
When both were parted on the sudden, 565
With hideous clamour, and a loud one,
As if all sorts of noise had been
Contracted into one loud din ;
Or that some member to be chosen.
Had got the odds above a thousand ; 570
And, by the greatness of his noise,
Prov'd fittest for his country's choice.
This strange surprisal put the Knight
And wrathful Squire, into a fright ;
And tho' they stood prepar'd, with fatal 575
Impetuous rancour to join battle.
Both thought it was the wisest course
To wave the fight, and mount to horse ;
And to secure, by swift retreating,
Themselves from danger of worse beating ; 580
Yet neither of them would disparage.
By utt'ring of his mind, his courage.
Which made them stoutly keep their ground,
With horror and disdain wind-bound.
And now the cause of all their feart 585
ble from hence that the character of Hudibras was in some of
its features drawn from Sir Samuel Luke.
* Knights errant sometimes condescended to address their
squires in this polite language. Thus Don Quixote to Sancho :
"How now, opprobrious rascal! stinking garlic-eater! sirrah, I
" will take you and tit your dogship to a tree, as naked as your
"mother bore you."
t The poet lines not suffer his heroes to proceed to open vio-
lence ; but ingeniously puts an end to the dispute, by introducing
them to a new adventure. The drollery of the following scene
is inimitable.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 239
By slow degrees appioacli"d so near,
They miglit distinguish dift'erent noise
Of horns, and pans, and dogs, and boys,
And kettlc-drums, whose sullen dub
Sounds like the hooping of a tub : 590
But when the sight appeared in view,
They found it was an antique shew ;
A triumph, that for pomp and state.
Did proudest Romans emulate :*
For as the aldermen of Rome 595
Tlieir foes at training overcome.
And not enlarging territory,
As some, mistaken, write in story ,t
Being mounted in their best array,
Upon a car, and who but they ? 600
And foUow'd with a world of tall lads,
That merry ditties troH'd, and ballads,!
Uid ride with many a good-morrow.
Crying, hey for our town, thro' the borough ,,
So when this triumph drew so nigh, 605
'I'hey might particulars descry,
Tiiey never saw two things so pat.
In all respects, as this and that.
First he that led the cavalcate,
Wore a sow-gelder's flagellet, 610
On which he blew as strong a Ievet,§
* The skimmington, or procession, to exhibit a woman who
hail beaten her husband, is h\imorously compared to a Roman
triumph; the learned reader will be pleased by comparing this
description with the pompous account of ^inilius's triumph, as
described by Plutarch, and the satirical one, as given by Juvenal
in his tenth satire.
t The buildings at Rome were sometimes extended without
the ceremony of describing a pomcerium, which Tacitus and
Gellius declare no person to have had a right of extending, but
such a one as had taken away some part of the enemy's coun-
try in war; perhaps line ^'M may allude to the London trained
bands. Our poet's learning and ideas here crowd upon him so
IHst, that he seems to confound together the ceremonies of en-
larging the pomoerium, of a triumph at Rome, and other cere-
monies, with a lord mayor's show, exercising the train bands,
and perhaps a borough election.
I The vulgar, and the soldiers themselves, had at triumphal
processions the liberty of abusing their general. Their invec-
tives were commonly conveyed in metre.
Ecce Cffisar nunc triuniphat, qui subegit Gallias.
Nicomedes non triumphal, qui subegit Ccesarem.
Suetonius in .lulio, 49.
5 Level is a lesson on the trumpet, sounded morning and
evening, Mr. Bacon says, on shipboard. It is derived from the
240 HUDIBRAS. [Part e.
As well-feed lawyer on his brev'ate,
When over one another's heads
Tliej- charge, three ranks at once, like Sweads :*
Next pans and kettles of all keys, 615
From trebles down to donble base ;
And after them npon a nag,
That might pass for a fore-hand stag,
A cornet rode, and on his staff",
A smock display'd did proudly wave. 620
Then bagpipes of the loudest drones.
With snuffling broken-winded tones ;
Whose blasts of air in pockets shut,
Sound filthier than from the gut.
And make a viler noise than swine 625
In windy weather, when they whine.
Next one upon a pair of panniers.
Full fraught with that which, for good manners.
Shall here be nameless, mix'd with grains,
Which he dispens'd among the swains, 630
And busilj- upon the crowd
At random round about bestow'd.
Then mounted on a horned horse.
One bore a gauntlet and gilt spurs,
Ty'd to the pommel of a long sword 635
He held revers'd the point tnrn'd downward.
Next after, on a raw-bon'd steed.
The conqueror's standard-bearer rid,
And bore aloft before the champion
A petticoat display'd, and rampant ;t 640
Near whom the Amazon triumphant,
Bestrid her beast, and on the rump on't
Set face to tail, and bum to bum,
The warrior whilom overcome ;
Arm'd with a spindle and a distaff, 645
Which, as he rode, she made him twist off":
French reveiller, a term used for the morning trumpet among
the (lr;\jj;oons.
* This and the proceeding lines were added by the author in
1671. He has depurted from the common n)ethod of spelling the
word Swedes for the sake of rhyme: in the edition of 168!), af-
ter his death, it was printed Sweeds. The Swedes appear to
have been the first that practised firing by two or three ranks at
a time : see Sir Robert Monro's Memoirs, and BririfF's Young
Artillery-man. Mr. Cleveland, speaking of the authors of the
Diurnal, says, "They write in the po.sture that the Swedes give
"lire in, over one another's heads."
t Alluding to the terms in which heralds blazon coats of
iiiins.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 241
And when he loiter'd, o'er her shoulder
Chastised the refonnado soldier.
Before the dame, and round about,
March'd whifflers, and staffiers on foot.* 650
With lackies, grooms, valets, and pages,
In fit and proper equipages ;
Of whom some lorclies bore, some links,
Before the proud virago-minx.
That was botii madam and a don,t 655
Like Nero's Sporus,t or pope Joan ;
And at fit periods the whole rout
Set up their throats with clam'rous shout.
The kniglit transported and the squire.
Put up their weapons and their ire ', 660
And Hudibras, who us"d to ponder.
On such sights with judicious wonder.
Could hold no longer, to impart
His animadversions, for his heart.
* " A mighty wliifler.'' See Shakspeare's Henry V. Act v.
and Hannier's note. Vifleiir, in Lord Herbert's Henry Vfll.
Staffier, from estafette, a courier or express. [Mr. Douce in his
Illustrations of Shaksjieare, vol. i. p. 50(5, says: " Some errors
" have crept into the remarks on this word which require correc-
"tion. It is by no means, as Hanmer had conceived, a corrup-
" tion from the French liuissier. He was ap|):irently misled by
" the re?end)lance which the office of a whiiller bore in modern
" times to that of an usher. The term is undoid)te(lly boTroued
" from whiffle, another name for a fife or small flute ; for vvhitilers
"were originally those who preceded armies or processions as
" fifers or pipers. Representations of them occur among the
" prints of the macnificent triumph of Maximilian [. In a note
"on Othello, Act ill. sc. iii., Mr. Warton had supposed that
" whiffler came from what he calls ' the old French vifflcur ;' but
" it is presumed that that language does not supply any such
"word, and that the use of it in the quotation from Rymer's
"fadera is nothing more than a vitiated orthography. In pro-
" cess of time the term whiffler, which had always been used in
" the sense of a fif'^''' canie to signify any person who went be-
'• fore in a procession. INIinsheu, in his Dictionary, 1017, defines
" him to be a club or sta ft"- bearer."
Mr. Douce has not attbrded us an instance of whiffler used as
a.fifer. Warton carries up the use of the word as an huissicr to
1534, and certainly Shakspeare could have had no idea of its
piping meaning when he wrote :
"Behold, the English beach
"Pales in the flood with men, with wives, and boys,
"Whose shouts and clai)s oitt-voice the deep-mouth'd sea,
" Which, like a migiily whiffler 'fore the king,
"Seems to prepare liis way; "
The whifflers who now attend the London companies in pro(»s-
sions are freemen carrying staves.]
t A mistress and a master.
X See Suetonius, in the life of Nero.
11
242 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
Quoth !-:e, in all my life till now, 665
I ne'er saw so profane a show ;
It is a paganish invention,
Which Jieathen writers often mention:
And he, who made it, had read Goodwin,
I warrant him, and understood him : 670
With all the Grecian Speeds and Stows,*
That best describe those ancient shows ;
And has observ'd all fit decorums
We find describ'd by old historians :t
For, as the Roman conqueror, 675
That put an end to foreign war,
Ent'ring the town in triumph for it,
Bore a slave with him in his chariot ;t
So this insulting female brave
Carries behind her here a slave : 680
And as the ancients long ago.
When they in field defy'd the foe.
Hung out tlieir mantles della guerre, i^
So her proud standard-bearer here,
Waves on his spear, in dreadful manner, 685
A Tyrian petticoat for banner.
Next links and torches, heretofore
Still borne before the emperor :
* Speed and Stowe wrote chronicles or annals of England, and
are well known English antiquaries. By firecian Speeds and
Slows, he means, any ancient authors who have explained the
antiquities and customs of Greece: the titles of such books were
often, TO narptd, of such a district or city. Thus Dicsarchus
wrote a hook entitled, Trtpi too Tfjs 'EXAa^o; (iiov, wherein he
gave the description of Greece, and of the laws and cus-
toms of the Grecians: our poet likewise might allude to Pau-
sanias.
t The render will, perhaps, think this an awkward rhyme ; but
the very ingenious and accurate critic. Dr. Loveday, to whom, as
well as to his learned father, I cannot too often repeat my ac-
knowledgments, observes in a letter with which he honored me,
that in English, to a vulgar ear, unacquainted with critical dis-
quisitions on sounds, m and n sound alike. So the old sayings,
among the common people taken for rhyme:
A stich in time
Saves nine.
Tread on a worm,
And it will turn.
Frequent instances of the propriety of this remark occur in Hu
dibras ; for e.\ample : men and them, exempt and innocent.
i curru servus portatur eodem. Juv. Sat. x. 42
5 Tunica coccinea solehat pridie quam dimicandum esset su
£ra prcetorium poni, quasi admonitio et indicium futurae pugnsa
ipsius in Tacit.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 243
And, as in antique triumphs, eggs
Were borne for mystical intrigues ;* 690
There's one, with truncheon, hke a ladle,
That carries eggs too, fresh or adlo :
And still at random, as he goes.
Among the rabble-rout bestows.
Quoth Ralpho, You mistake the matter ; 095
For all th' antiquity you smatter
Is but a riding us'd of course,
When tiie grey mare's the better horse ;
When o'er the breeches greedy women
Fight, to extend their vast dominion, 700
And in the cause impatient Grizel
Has drubb'd her iuisljand with bull's pizzle.
And brought him under covert-baron,
To turn her vassal with a murrain ;
When wives their sexes shift, like hares,t 705
And ride their husbands like night-mares;
And they, in mortal battle vanquish'd.
Are of their charter disenfranchis'd,
And by the right of war, like gills,!
Condemu'd to distaff', horns, and wlieels : 710
For when men by their wives are covv'd.
Their horns of course are understood.
Quoth Hudibras, Thou still giv'st sentence
Impertinently, and against sense:
* In the orgies of Bacchus, and the games of Ceres, eggs were
caiTied itnil had a mystical import. See Banier, vol. i. b. ii. c. 5,
and Rosinus, lib. v. c. 14. Pompa producebatur cum deorum
signis et ovo. In some editions it is printed antick, and means
mimic.
t Many have been the vulgar errors concerning the jexes and
copulation of hares: but they being of a very timid and modest
nature, seldom couple but in the night. It is said that the doe hares
have tumors in the groin, like the castor, and that the buck
hares have cavities like the hyena. Besides, they are said to be
retromingent, which occasioned the vulgar to make a confusion
in the sexes. When huntsmen are better anatomists and philo-
sophers, we shall know more of this matter. See Brown's Vul-
gar Error>i, b. iii. c. 27. But our poet here chiefly means to ridi-
cule Dr. Buhver's Artificial Changeling, p. 407, who mentions the
female patriarch of Greece, and pope Joan of Rome, and likewise
the boy Sporus, who was married to the emperor Nero ; upon
which it was justly said by some, that it had been happy for the
empire, if Domitius, his lather, had ha<i none other but such a
wife. See what Herodotus says concerning the men of Scythia,
in his Thalia.
+ Gill, scortillum, a common woman: in the Scots and Irish
dialect a girl ; there never was a Jack but there was a Gill. See
Kelly's Scotch Proverbs, page SKi. See also Chaucer's Miller's
Tale, and Gower, Confess. Amant. and G. Douglas's Prologue,
page 452.
244 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
'Tis not the least disparagement 715
To be defeated by th' event,
Nor to be beaten by main force ;
That doee not make a man the worse.
Altho' his shoulders, with battoon,
Be claw'd, and cudgell'd to some tune ; 720
A tailor's prentice has no hard
Measure, that's bang'd with a true yard ;
But to turn tail, or run away,
And without blows give up the day ;
Or to surrender ere the assault, 725
That's no man's fortune, but his fault ;
And renders men of honour less
Than all th' adversity of success ;
And only unto such this shew
Of horns and petticoats is due. 730
There is a lesser profanation,
Like that the Romans call'd ovation :*
For as ovation was allow'd
For conquest purchas'd without blood ;
So men decree those lesser shows 735
For vict'ry gotten without blows.
By dint of sharp hard words, which some
Give battle with, and overcome ;
Tliese mounted in a chair-curule.
Which moderns call a cucking stool,t 740
March proudly to the river side,
And o'er the waves in triumph ride ;
Like dukes of Venice, who are said
The Adriatic sea to wed ;t
And have a gentler wife than those 745
For whom the state decrees those shows.§
* At the greater triumph the Romans sacrificed an ox ; at the
lesser a sheep. Hence tlie name ovation. Plutarch, in the life
of Marcellus, " Ovandi, ac non triuniphandi causa est, quum aut
"bella non rite indicia neque cum jiisto hoste gesta sunt; .-lut
" liostiuni nomen humile et non idoneum est, ut servorum, pirata-
•' ruMKiue ; aut deditione repente facta, inipulverea, ut dici solet,
" incruenta(iue victoria obvenit." Auhis Gellius, v. 6.
t The custom of ducking a scolding woman in the water, was
conunon in tnany places. I remember to have seen a stool of this
kind near the bridge at Evesham in Worcestershire, not above
eight miles from Strensham, the place of our poet's birth. The
etymology of the term I know not: some suppose it should be
written choking-stool, others ducking-stool, and others derive it
from the French, coquine.
t This ceremony is performed on Ascension-day. The doge
throws a ring into the sea, and repeats the words, " Desponsa-
" nnis te, mare, in signum veri et perpetui dominii."
$ Than the Roman worthies, who were honored with ova-
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 245
But both are heathenish, and come
From th' whores of Babylon and Rome,
And by the saints should be withstood
As antichristian and lewd ; 750
And we, as such siiould now contribute
Our utmost strugglings to prohibit.
Tliis said, the.y both advanc'd, and rode
A dog-trot through the bawling crowd
T' attack the leader, and still prest 755
'Till they approach'd him breast to breast :
Then Hudibras, with face and hand.
Made signs for silence ;* which obtain'd.
What means, quoth he, this devil's procession
With men of orthodox profession? 760
'Tis ethnique and idolatrous.
From heathenism deriv'd to us.
Does not the whore of Bab'lon ride
Upon her horned beast astride,t
Like this proud dame, who either is 765
A type of her, or she of this ?
Are things of superstitious function,
Fit to be us'd in gospel sun-shine ?
It is an antichristian opera
Much us'd in midnight times of popeiy ; 770
A running after self-inventions
Of wicked and profane intentions ;
To scandalize that sex for scolding,
To whom the saints are so beholden.
Women, who were our first apostles,t 775
lions. Mr. But>3r intimates that the sea is less terrible than a
scolding wife.
* Ergo iibi commota fervet plebecula bile,
Fert animus calidiE fecisse silentia tuibiE
Waje.state manus. Persius, Sat. iv. 6.
t See Revelation, xvii. 3.
+ The author of the Ladies' Calling observes, in his preface,
' It is a meniorable attestation Christ gives to the piety of women,
by making them the first witnesses of his resurrection, the
" prime evangelists to proclaim these glad tidings ; and, as a
"learned man speaks, apostles to the apostles." Some of the
Scotch historians maintain, that Ireland received Christianity
from a Scotch woman, who first instructed a queen there. But
our poet, I suppose, alludes to the zeal which the ladies showed
for the good cause. The case of Lady Mnnson was mentioned
above. The women and children worked with their own hands,
in fortifying the city of London, and other towns. The women
of the city went by companies to fill up the quarries in the great
park, that they might not harbor an enemy ; and being called to-
gether with a drum, marched into the park with mattocks and
spades. Annals of Coventry, MS. 1643.
246 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii
Without wliose aid w' had all been lost else ;
Women, that left no stone iinturn'd
In which the cause might be concern'd ;
Brought in their children's spoons and whistles,*
To purchase swords, carbines, and pistols : 780
Their husbands, cullies, and sweethearts,
To take the saints' and churches' parts ;
Drew several gifted brethren in.
That for the bishops would have been,
And fix'd them constant to the party, 785
With motives powerful and hearty :
Their husbands robb'd and made hard shifts
T' administer unto their giftst
All they could rap, and rend and pilfer,
To scraps and ends of gold and silver : 790
Rubb'd down the teachers, tir'd and spent
With holding forth for parliament ;t
Pamper'd and edify'd their zeal
With marrow puddings many a meal :
Enabled them, with store of meat, 795
On controverted points to eat ;§
And cramm'd them till their guts did ache
With caudle, custard, and plum-cake.
What have they done, or what left undone,
That might advance the cause at London ? 800
March'd rank and file, with drum and ensign,
T' entrench the city for defence in :
* In the reign of Richard II., A. D. 1382, Henry le Spencer,
bishop of Norwich, set up the cross, and made a collection to
support the cause of the enemies of pope Clement. Collefierat
diclits episcopus innumerabilem et incredibilem suinmam pecii-
nis aiiri et argenti, atque jocalium, monilium, annulorum, dis-
corum, peciaruni, cocliarium, et aliorum ornamentorutn, et prs-
cipue de dominabus et aliis mulieribus. Decern Scriptores, p.
1671. See also SoiUh, v. 33.
t Thus, A. Cowley, in his Puritan and Papist :
She that can rob her husband, to repair
A budget priest that noses a long prayer.
t Dr. Echard in his Works, says of the preachers of those
times — " coiners of new phrases, drawers out of long godly
" words, thick pourers out of texts of Scripture, mimical squeak-
" ers and bellowers, vain-glorious admirers only of themselves,
" and those of their own fashioned face and gesture: such as
" these shall be followeil, shall have their bushels of China
"oranges, shall be solaced with all manner of cordial essences,
"and shall be rubb'd down with Holland of ten shillings an ell."
$ That is, to eat plentifully of such dainties, of which they
would sometimes controvert the lawfulness to eat at all. See P.
1. c. i. V. 225, and the following lines. Mr. Bacon would read the
last word treat.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 247
Rais'd rampires with their own soft hands,*
To put the enemy to stands ;
From ladies down to oyster-wenches 805
Labour'd like pioneers in trenches,
Fell to their pick-axes, and tools,
And iielp'd the men to dig like moles?
Have not the handmaids of the city
Chose of their members a committee, 810
For raising of a common purse.
Out of their wages, to raise horse?
And do they not as triers sit.
To judge what officers are fit ?
Have they At that an egg let fly, 815
Hit him directly o'er the eye,
And running down his cheek, besmear'd.
With orange-tawny slime, his beard ;
But beard and slime being of one hue.
The wound the less appear'd in view. 820
Then he that on the panniers rode.
Let tly on th' other side a load,
And quickly charg'd again, gave fully,
In Ralpho's face, another volley.
The knight was startled with the smell, 825
And for his sword began to feel ;
And Ralpho, smother'd with the stink,
Grasp'd his, when one that bore a link,
O' th' sudden clapp'd his flaming cudgel.
Like linstock, to the horse's touch-hole ;t 830
And straight another with his flambeau,
Gave Ralpho, o'er the eyes, a damn'd blow.
The beasts began to kick and fling,
And forc'd the rout to make a ring ;
Thro' which they quickly broke their way, 835
And brougiit them off from further fray ;
And tho' disorder'd in retreat.
Each of them stoutly kept his seat :
For quitting both their swords and reins.
* When London was expected to be attacked, and in several
sieges during; the civil war, the women, and even the ladies ol
rank and fortune, not only encouraged the men, but worked with
their own hands. Lady Middlesex, Lady Foster, Lady Anne
Waller, and Mrs. Dunch, have been particularly celebrated for
their activity. The knight's learned harangue is here archly in-
terrupted by the manual wit of one who hits him in the eye with
a rotten egg.
t Linstock is a German word, signifying the rod of wood or
iron, with a match at the end of it, used by gunners in firing
cannon. See P. i. c. ii. v. 843.
248 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
They grasp'd with all their strength the manes ; 840
And, to avoid the foe's pursuit,
With spurring put their cattle to't.
And till all four were out of wind.
And danger too, ne'er look'd behind.
After they'ad paus'd a while, supplying 845
Their spirits, spent with fight and flying,
And Hudioras recruited force
Of lungs, for actions or discourse.
Quoth he, That man is sure to lose
That fouls his hands with dirty foes : 850
For where no honour's to be gain'd,
'Tis thrown away in being maintain'd :
'Twas ill for us, wo had to do
With so dishon'rable a foe :
For tho' the law of arms doth bar 855
The use of venom'd shot in war,*
Yet by the nauseous smell, and noisome,
Their case-shot savours strong of poison ;
And, doubtless, have been chew'd with teeth
Of some that had a stinking breath ; 860
Else when we put it to the push,
They had not giv'n us such a brush :
But as those poltroons that fling dirt,
Do but defile, but cannot hurt ;
So all the honour they have won, 865
Or we have lost, is much at one.
'Twas well we made so resolute
A brave retreat, without pursuit ;
For if we had not, we had sped
Much worse, to be in triumph led ; 870
Than which the ancients held no state
Of man's life more unfortunate.
But if this bold adventure e'er
Do chance to reach the widow's ear,
It may, being destin'd to assert 875
Her sex's honour, reach her heart :
And as such homely treats, they say,
Portend good fortune, t so this may.
Vespasian being daub'd with dirt,
Was destin'd to the empire for't ;t 880
* "Abusive language, and fustian, are as unfair in controversy
"as poisoned arrows or chewed Ijullets in baUle."
t The original of the coarse proverb here alluded to, was the
glorious battle of Azincourt, wlien the English were so afflicted
with the dysentery that most of them chose to fight naked from
the girdle downward.
t Suetonius, in the life of Vespasian, sect, v., says, " Cum
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 049
And from a scavenger did come
To be a mighty prince in Rome :
And why may not this foul address
Presage in love the same success ?
Tlien let us straight, to cleanse our wounds, 885
Advance in quest of nearest ponds ;
And after, as we first design'd,
Swear I've perform'd what she enjoin'd.
" a?dileni euin C. Ccesar (i. e. Caligula) succensens, lute jussisset
" oppleri, ciiiiL'esto per milites in pr.TtextcE siiiuni ; non defuerunt
" qui iiiterpretarentur, quandoque proculcataiii desertaiiique rem-
" pul>liciiiii oivili aliqua perturhatlone in tutelam ejus, ac veiut
" in fireiiiiuiii deventurani." BiU Dio Cassius, with all Iiis su-
perstilidii, acknovvledees that the secret meaning of the cir-
cumstances was not discovered till after the event. Mr. Butler
iniglit here aliude to a story which has been told of Oliver
Cromwell, afterwards lord |)rotector. When young, he was in-
vited by Sir Oliver Cromwell, his uncle and god-father, to a feast
at Christmas ; and, indulging his love for fun, he went to the ball
with his hands and clothes besmeared with excrement, to the
great disgust of the company : for which the master of misrule,
or master of the ceremonies as he is now called, ordered him
to be ducked in the horse-pond. Memoirs of the Cromwell
FauiiU l<j' Silark Noble, vol. i. p. 'J8, and Bate's Elench. motuum.
PART II. CANTO ID.
THE ARGUMENT.
The Knitrht, with various doubts possw?t.
To win the Lady goes in quest
Of Sidrophel the Rosy-crucian,
To know the dest'nies' resolution :
With whom being met, they both chop logic
About the science astrologic.
'Till falling from dispute to fight,
The conjurer's worsted by the Knight.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO III.*
DouB fLEss the pleasure is as great
Of being cheated, as to cheat ;t
As lookers-on feel most delight,
That least perceive a juggler's flight,
And still the less they understand, 5
The more th' admire his slight of hand.
Some with a noise, and greasy light,
Are snapt, as men catch larks by night,|
Ensnar'd and hamper'd by the soul,
As nooses by the legs catch fovvl.§ 10
Some, with a med'cine, and receipt,
Are drawn to nibble at the bait :1|
* As the subject of this canto is the dispute between Hudibras
and an astrologer, it is prefaced by some reflections on the cre-
dulity of men. This exjjoses them to the artifices of cheats and
impostors, not only when disguised under the characters of law-
yers, physicians, and divines, but even in the questionable garb
of wizards and fortune-tellers.
t Swift, in the Tale of a Tub, (digression on madness,) places
happiness in the condition of being well deceived, and pursues
the thought through several pages. Aristippus being desired to
resolve a riddle, replied, that it would be absurd to resolve that
which unresolved afforded so much pleasure.
cui sic extorta voluptas,
Et demptns per vim mentis graiissimus error.
Hor. lib. ii. epist. ii. 140.
t This allndes to the morning and evening lectures, which, in
those times of jiretended reformation and godliness, were deliv-
ered by candle-light, in many^churches, for a great part of the
year. To maintain, and frequent these, w^s deemed the great-
est evidence of religion and sanctity. Thegifte(i preachers were
very loud. The simile is taken from the melbod of catching
larks at night in some countries, by means of a low-bell and a
light.
i§, Woodcocks, and some other birds, are caught in sprmges.
II Are cheated of their money by quacks and mountebanks,
who boast of nostrums and intallible receipts. Even persons
who ought to have more discernment are sometimes taken in by
these cozeners. In later times, the admirers of animal magnet-
252 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
And tho' it be a two-foot trout,
'Tis with a single liair pull'd out.*
Others believe no voice t' an organ 15
So sweet as lawyer's in his bar-gowii,1
Until, with subtle cobweb-cheats,
They're catcli'd in knotted law, like nets ;
In which, when once they are inibrangled,
Tiie more they stir, the more they're tangled ; 20
And while their purses can dispute,
There's no end of th' immortal suit.
Others still gape t' anticipate
The cabinet designs of fate,!
Apply to wizards, to foresee 25
What shall, and what shall never be ;§
And as those vultures do forebode, ||
Believe events prove bad or good.
A flam ijiore senseless than the roguery
Of old aruspicy and aug'ry,"ir 30
That out of garbages of cattle
ism would probably have ranked with this order of wiseacres,
and been proper objects of Mr. Biuler's satire.
* That is, though it be a sensible man, and one as unlikely to
be catched by a medicine and a receipt, as a trout two feet long
to be pulled oiU by a single hair.
t In the hope of' promised success many are led into broils and
suits, from which they are not able to extricate themselves till
they are quite ruined. See Ammianus Marcellinus, lib. xxx.
cap. 4, where the evil practices of the lawyers under Valens and
Valentinian, are strongly and inimitably painted : happy would
it be for the world, if the picture had not its likeness in modern
times, but was confined to the decline of the Roman empire.
t A natural desire ; but if too much indulged, a notable instance
of human weakness.
$ O Liiertiade, quicquid dicam aut erit, aut non.
Divinare etenim niagnus mihi donat Apollo.
Horat. Sat. lib. ii. Sat. v. v. 59.
II Vultures, birds of prey, are here put figuratively for astrolo-
gers: or the word may be used equivocally, as soothsayers took
their omens from eagles, vultures, ravens, and such birds.
IT Aruspicy was a kind of divination by sacrifice ; by the be-
havior of the beast before it was slain ; by entrails after it was
opened ; or by the flames while it was burning. Augury was a
divination from appearances in the heavens, from thunder, light-
ning, &c., but more commonly from birds, their ilight, chattering,
manner of feeding, &c. Thus Ovid :
Hffc mihi non ovinni fibrs, tonitrusve sinistri,
Linguave servatie, pennave, di.xlt avis.
Ovid. Trist. lib. i. eleg. viii. 49.
Mirari se ajebat M. Cato, quod non rideret haruspe.x, harus-
gicem cum vidisset. TuUius de Divinat. ii. 24 ; et de Nattira
leonun, i. 26.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 253
Presa£r'd tli' events of tince or battle ;
From fliglit of birds, or cliickens pecking,
Success of great'st attempts would reckon :
Tho' cheats, yet more intelligible 35
Than those that with the stars do fribble.
This Hudibras by proof found true,
As in due time and place we'll shew :
For he, with beard and face made clean.
Being mounted on his steed again, 40
And Ralplio got a cock-horse too,
Upon his beast, with much ado.
Advanced on for the widow's house,
T' acquit himself, and pay his vows ;
When various thoughts began to bustle, 45
And with his inward man to justle.
He thought what danger miglit accrue,
If she should find he swore untrue ;
Or if his squire or he should fail,
And not be punctual in their tale, 50
It might at once the ruin prove
Both of his honour, faith, and love
But if he should forbear to go.
She might conclude lic'ad broke his vow ;
And that he durst not now, for shame, 55
Appear in court to try his claim.
This was the penn'worth of his thought,
To pass time, and uneasy trot.
Quoth he, In all my past adventures
I ne'er was set so on the tenters, 60
Or taken tardy with dilemma,
That, ev'ry way I turn, does hem me.
And with inextricable doubt.
Besets my puzzled wits about :
For though the dame has been my bail, 65
To free me from enchanted jail,
Yet, as a dog committed close
For some offence, by chance breaks loose,
And quits his clog ; but all in vain,
Ho still draws after him his chain :* 70
* Persins applies this simile to the case of a person who is
well inclined, but cannot resolve to be uniformly virtuous.
Nee tu, cum olistiteris semel, instantique negaris
Parere iniporio, rupi jam vincula, dicas:
Nam el luctata canis nndum arripit ; attamen iUi,
Cum fucit, a coUo trahitur pars longa catena;.
Sat. V. v. 15T.
254 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
So tho' my ancle she as quitted,
My heart continues still committed ;
And like a bail'd and mainpriz'd lover,*
Altho' at large, I am bound over :
And when I shall appear in court 75
To plead my cause, and answer for't,
Unless the judge do partial prove.
What will become of me and love ?
For if in our accounts we vary,
Or but in circumstance miscarry ; 80
Or if she put me to strict proof.
And make me pull my doublet off,
To siievv, by evident record.
Writ on my skin, I've kept my word.
How can I e'er expect to have her, 85
Having demurr'd unto her favour ?
But faith, and love,, and honour lost,
Siiall be reduc'd t' a knight o' th' post :t
Beside, that stripping may prevent
What I'm to prove by argument, 90
And justify I have a tail.
And that way, too, my proof may fail.
Oh ! that I could enucleate,!
And solve the problems of my fate ;
Or find, by necromantic art,§ 95
Kow far the dest'nies take my part ;
Yet triumph not ; say not, my bands are broke,
And I no more go subject to the yoke ;
Alas ! the struggling dog breaks loose in vain,
Whose neck still drags along a trailing length of chain.
Brewster.
Petrarch has applied this simile to love, as well as our au-
thor.
* Mainprized signifies one delivered by the judge into the cus
tody of such as shall undertake to see him forthcoming at the
dav appointed-
f This is, one who in court, or before a magistrate, will swear
as he hath been previously directed. I nave somewhere read
that such persons formerly plied about the portico in the Temple,
and from thence were called knights of the post, ; and knights,
perhaps, from the knights templars being buried in the adjoining
church. [A hireling evidence : a knight dubbed at the whipping-
post, or pillory. Johnson's Dictionary by Todd.]
X E.vplain, or open ; an expression taken from the cracking of
a nut.
§ Necromancy, or the black art, as it is vulgarly called, is the
faculty of revealing future events, from consultation with de-
mons, or with departed spirits. It is called the black art, be-
cause the ignorant writers of the middle age, mistaking the
etymology, write it nigromantia: or because the devil was paint-
ed black.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 255
For if I were not more than certain
To win and wear her, and her fortune,
I'd go no farther in this courtship,
To hazard soul, estate and worship: 100
For tho' an oath obhges not,
Where any thing is to be got,*
As thou hast prov'd, yet 'tis profane.
And sinful, when men swear in vain.
Quoth Ralph, Not far from hence doth dwell IOj
A cunning man, hight Sidropiiel,t
That deals in destiny's dark counsels.
And sage opinions of the moon sells, t
To whom all people far and near,
On deep importances repair : - 110
When brass and pewter hap to stray,
And linen slinks out of the way ;
When geese and pullen are seduc'd,§
And sows of sucking pigs are chows'd ;
When cattle feel indisposition, 115
And need the opinion of physician ;
When murrain reigns in hogs or sheep,
And chickens languish of the pip ;
When yeast and outward means do fail,
And have no pow'r to work on ale ; 120
When butter does refuse to come,|l
And love proves cross and humoursome ;
* The notions of the dissenters with regard to this, and other
points of a like nature, are stated more at large in some prece-
ding cantos.
t Sonic have thought that the character of Sidrophel was in-
tended for Sir Paul Neal; but the author, probably, here meant
it for William Lilly, the famous astrologer and almanac maker,
who at times sided with the parliament. He was consulted by
the royalists, with the king's privity, whether the king should
escape from Hampton-court, whether he should sign the propo-
sitions of the piirliament, &c., and had twenty pounds for his
opinion. See the life of A. Wood, Oxford, 177-2, pp. 101, 102, and
his own life, In which are many curious particulars. Till the
king's affairs declined he was a cavalier, but after the year 1G45
he engaged body and soul in the cause of the p irliament : he
was one of the close committee to consult about the king's exe-
cution. At the latter end of his life he resided at Hersliam, in
the parish of Walton-npon-Thanies, practised physic, and went
often to Kingston to attend his patients. But probably the most
profit:vble trade of Dee, Kelly, Lilly, and others of that class,
was that of spies, which they were for any country or party
that employed them. Hight, that is called, from the A. S. hatan,
to call.
I i. e. the omens which he collects from the appearance of the
moon.
J Pullen, that is, poultry.
When a country wench, says Mr. Selden in his Table Talk,
256 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
To him with questions, and with urine,
They for discov'ry flock, or curing.
Quoth Hudibras, This Sidrophel 125
I've heard of, and shou'd like it well,
If thou canst prove the saints have freedom
To go to sorc'rers when they need 'em.*
Says Ralpiio, There's no doubt of that ;
Those principles I've quoted late, 130
Prove that the godly may allege
For any thing their privilege.
And to the devil himself may go,
If they have motives thereunto :
For as there is a war between 135
The dev'l and them, it is no siu
If they, by subtle stratagem,t
Make use of him, as he does them.
Has not this present parl'ament
A ledger to the devil sent,t 140
Fully empower'd to treat about
Finding revolted witches out?§
And has not he, witiiin a year,
Hang'd threescore of 'em in one shire ?||
Some only for not being drown'd, 145
And some for sitting above ground,
Whole days and nights upon their breeches,
Not feeling pain, were hang'd for witciies ;
And some for putting knavish tricks
Upon green geese and turkey-chicks, 150
Or pigs, that suddenly deceast,
Of griefs unnat'ral, as he guest ;
cannot get her butter to come, she says the witch is in the
churn.
* It was a question much agitated aliout the year 1570, Utrum
liceat homini christiano sortiariorum oper;1 et auxilio uti.
t Dolus an Virtus, quis in lioste requiraf?
j That is, an anil)assa(lor. The person meant was Hopkins,
the noted witcli-finder for the associated counties.
§ That is, revolted from the parliament.
II It is incredible what a number of poor, sick, and decrepit
wretches were put to death, under the pretence of their being
witches. Hopkins occasioned threescore to be hung in one year,
in the county of Sutiblk. See Dr. Hutchinson, p. 59. Dr. Grey
says, he has seen an account of between three and four thousand
that suflered, in the king's dominions, from the year J640 to the
king's restoration. " In December, 1649," says Whitelock, " many
"witches were apprehended. The witch-trier taking a pin, and
"thrusting it into the skin in many parts of their bodies; if they
" were insensible of it, it was a circumstance of proof against
"them. Octobe/, 1G52, sixty were accused: much malice, little
"proof: though they were tortured many ways to make them
" confess."
Canto III.] HUDIBRAS. 257
Who after prov'd himself a witch,
And made a rod for his own breech.*
Did not the dev'l appear to Martin 135
Luther in Germany for certain ?t
And woii'd have guli'd him with a trick,
But Mart was too, too politick.
Did he not help the Dutch to purge,
At Antwerp, their cathedral church?! 160
Sing catches to the saints at Mascon,§
And tell them ail they came to ask him ?
Appear in divers shapes to Kelly, ||
And speak i' th' nun of Loudon's belly 7 If
* Dr. Hutchinson, in his Histiirical Ess^y on VVitchcral't, page
66, tells us, '■ that the country, tired of the cruelties committed by
" Hopkins, tried him liy his own system. They tied his thumbs
" and toes, as he u^ed to do o'.hers, and threw him into the water ;
'• when he swam like the rest."
t Luther, in his book de Missa privata, says he was persuaded
to preach against the mass by reasons suggested to liim by the
devil, in a dispulatioTi. Jielchinr Adamus says the devil appear-
ed to Luther in his own garden, in the shape ol" a black boar.
And the Colloquia mensalia relate, tliat when Luther was in
his chamber, in the castle nt Wurtsburgh, the devil cracked some
nuts which he had in a bo.\ upon the bed-post, tumbled empty
barrels down stairs. &c.
t In the beginning of the civil war in Flanders, the common
people at .Antwerp broke open the cathedral church, and destroy-
ed the ornaments. Strada, in his book de Bello Belgico, says,
that " several devils were seen to assist them; without whose
"aid it would have been impossible, in so short a time, to have
"done so much mischief."
<) Mascon is a town in Burgundy, where an unclean devil, as
he was called, played his pranks in the house of Mr. Perreand.
a reformed minister, ann. ]bl2. Sometimes he sang psalms, at
others bawdy verses. Mr. Perreand published a circumstantial
account of him in French, which at the request of Mr. Boyle,
who had heard the matter attested by Perreand himself, was
translated into English by Dr. Peter de Moulin. The poet calls
them saints, because they were of the Geneva persuasion.
II See Notes to lines 235-7-8. It njay be proper to observe, that
the persons here instanced had made more than ordinary preten-
sions to sanctity, or bore some near relation to religion. On tliis
circumstance Ralpho founds his argument for the lawfulness of
the practice, that saints may converse with the devil. Dr. Ca-
saubon informs us that Dee, who was associated with Kelly, em-
ployed himself in prayer and other acts of devotion, before he
entered upon his conversation with spirits. " Oralione dominicEl
" tinita, et mora aliqua interposita, et aliquot ex psalterio precibus
" recitatis."
IT Sir Kenelm Digby, in his Treatise on the Sympathetic Pow-
der, says, " I could make a notable recital of such passions that
" happened to the nuns at Loudon ; but having done it in a par-
" ticular discourse, at my return from that country, in which I,
"as exactly as I could, discussed the point, 1 will forbear speak-
" ing thereof at this time." (irandier, the curate of London, was
ordered to be burned alive, A. D. 1()34, by a set of judges com-
missioned and influenced by Richelieu ; and the prioress, with
258 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
Meet with the parl'ament's committee, 165
At Woodstock, on a pers'nal treaty ?*
At Sarum take a cavalier,t
I' th' cause's service, prisoner?
As Withers, in immortal rhyme.
Has register'd to after-time. _ 170
Do not our great reformers use
This Sidrophel to forebode news ;t
To write of victories next year,
And castles taken, yet i' th' air?
Of battles fought at sea, and ships 175
Suukj two years hence, the last eclipse ?§
half the nuns in the convent, were obliged to own themselves
bewitched. The prioress declared, that when the devil who h;id
possessed her h:ul quitted her body, an anfiel impressed upon her
hand the words Jesus Maria Joseph F de Salis. Mr. Moconnois
made her a lon>; visit, and she showed him the letters. He
scratched off a part of Iheni, and supposed them to have been
made with blood and starch. Grandier was a handsome man,
and very eloquent. Such magic had fascinated the prioress, and
sul)jected the nuns to their violent ardors. See Bayle's Dic-
tionary, Art. Grandier; and Dr. Hutchinson's Historical Essay on
Witchcraft, p. 3'i.
* Dr. Plot, in his History of O.vfordshire, ch. viii., tells us how
the devil, or some evil spirit, disturbed the commissioners at
Woodstock, whither they went to value the crown lands, Octo
her, 1649.* A personal treaty was very much desired by the
king, and often pressed and petitioned for by great part of the na-
tion. The poet insinuates, that though the parliament refused
to hold a personal treaty with the king, yet they scrupled not to
hold one with the devil at Woodstock. [Readers, of all ages
and classes of the present day, are familiar with the devil's
pranks at Woodstock, through the agency of that great and
fascinating magician Walter Scott, who, following the mighty
Shakspeare, makes poetry and romance the two entertaining
substitutes for the more " honest" chronicles of history. He has
also introduced us to the Lescus of line 238 in his romance of
Kenilworlh.]
t Withers has a long story, in doggerel verse, of a soldiei of
the king's army, who being a prisoner at Salisbury, and drinking
a health to the devil upon his knees, was carried away by him
through a single pane of glass.
t Lilly, Booker, Culpepper, and others, were employed to fore-
tel victories on the side of the parliament. Lilly was a time-
serving rascal, who hesitated at no means of getting money. See
his life, written by himself
$ Suppose we read since the last eclipse, or suppose we point
it thus:
Sunk two years since the last eclipse :
Lilly grounded lying predictions on that event. Dr. Grey says,
his reputation was lost upon the false prognostic on the eclipse
• See Ihe Just Devil of Woojslook, or a true narrative of the several Appari-
tious, the Frights and Punishments inllicteil upon the nimpish Commissioners,
by Thomas Widows, masler of the free school at Norlhleach, Gloucestershire
It was not printed till 1660, though the date put to it is 1649. See Bishop of Pe
terborough s Register and Chronicle
Canto ui.] HUDIBRAS. 259
A total o'erthrow giv'n the king
In Cornwall, horse and foot, next spring?*
And has not he point-blank foretold
Whats'e'er the close committee would ? 180
Made Mars and Saturn for the cause,t
Tiie Moon for fundamental laws.
The Ram, the Bull, the Goat, declare
Against the hook of common prayer?
The Scorpion take the protestation, 185
And Bear engage for reformation ;
Made all the royal stars recant.
Compound, and take the covenant ?t
Quoth Hudibras, The case is clear
The saints may 'niploy a conjurer, 190
As thou hast proved it by their practice ;
No argument like matter of fact is :
And we are best of all led to
Men's principles, by what they do.
Then let us strait advance in quest 195
Of tliis profound gymnosophist,§
And as the fates and he advise,
Pm'sue, or wave this enterprise.
Tills said, ho turn'd about his steed.
And eftsoons on th' adventure rid : 200
Where leave we him and Ralph awhile,
And to the Conj'rer turn our style.
that was to happen on the 29th of March, 10.52, commonly called
Black Monday, in which his (irciliclions not licin<: tally answer-
ed, Mr. Heath iiliserves, (Chrnnicle, p. 210:) " That he was re-
garded no more (or the future, than one of hU own worthless
almanacs."
* It Is certain tliat the parliament, in Iheir reports of victories,
neither olistrved time or place. Cleveland, in his character of a
London diurnal, p. 113, says of L(jrd Stamford: "This cnhit and
half of a conimander, ljy the help of a diurnal, runted the enemies
fifty miles oli'." The .suliject here is not false reports, but lalse
predictions: the direct contrary happeneil to what is here said;
the king overthrew the parliamentarians in Cornwall.
t Made the planets and constellations side with the parlia-
ment; or, as bishop VVarhurton observes, the planets and signs
here recapitulated may signify the several leaders of the parlia-
mentary army — Essex, Fairfax, and others.
J The author here evidently alludes to Charles, elector pala-
tine of the Rhine, and to king Charles the Second, who both took
the covenant.
^ The L'ymnosophists were a sect of philosophers in India, so
called from their gcjing naked. They were mui-.h respected for
their profiiund knowledge; and held in the same eslimalioti
among their countrymen as the ChaldiiM among the Assyrians,
the Jlaj'i among the Persians, and the Driuds among the Gault
and Britons
260 IIUDIBRAS. [Part il
To let our reader understand
What's useful of him beforehand.
He had been long t'wards mathematics, 205
Optics, philoHophy, and statics,
Magic, horoscopy, astrology,
And was old dog at physiology ;
But as a dog, tliat turns the spit,*
Bestirs liimseif and plies iiis feet 210
To chmb the wlieel, but all in vain.
His own weight brings him down again ;
And still he's in the self-same place
Where at his setting out he was :
So in the circle of the arts 215
Did he advance his nat'ral parts,
Till falling back still, for retreat.
He fell to juggle, cant, and cheat :t
For as those iovvls that live in water
Are never wet, he did but smatter ; 220
Whate'er he labour'd to appear,
His understanding still was clear ;t
Yet nous a deeper knowledge boasted.
Since old Hodge Bacon, and Bob Grosted.§
Til' intelligible world he kncw,|| 225
And all men dream on't to be true,
That in this world there's not a wart
* Mr. Prior's simile seems to have been suggested by this pas-
sage :
Dear Thomas, didst thou never see
('Tis but by way of simile)
A squirrel spend his little rage
In . jumping round a rolling cage?
But here or there, turn wood or wire,
He never gets two inches higher.
So fares it with those merry blades
That frisk it under I'indus' shades.
t The account here given of William Lilly agrees exactly
with his life written by himself.
I Clear, that is, empty.
^ Roger liacon, a Franciscan friar, flourished in the thirteenth
century. His penetration in most branches of philosophy was
the wonder of the age. Hayle says he wrote a hundred books,
many of them upon astronomy, geometry, and medicine. Robert
Grosted, or Grossa Testa, lived nearly at the same time with
Bacon. He wrote some treatises on astronomy and niathenuit-
ics ; but his works were chiefly theological. Several books were
translated by him from the Greek language ; which it any un-
derstood in that age, he was sure, as Erasmus says, to be taken
for a conjuror.
II The intelligible world is spoken of, by some persons, as the
model or prototype of the visible world. See P. i. c. i. v. 535,
and note.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 261
That has not there a counterpart ;
Nor can there, on the face of gruund,
All individual beard be found 230
Tliat has not in that foreign nation,
A fellow of the self-same fasliiou ;
So cut, so colour'd. and so curl'd,
As those are in th' inferior world.
He'ad read Dee's prefaces before 235
The devil and Euclid o'er and o'er ;*
And all th' intrigues 'twixt him and Kelly,
Lpscus and th' emperor, wou'd tell ye :t
But with the moon was more familiar
* Dr. John Dee. a AVelshmnn, was admitted to the dejiree of
M. A. and h;id a te>timonial t'rnm llie univerjily nf Cainlnidge in
1548. He was pit-senlud hy Edward VI. to the livini,' ot'Upton upon
Severn, in W<)r(.estei--hire, in the year l.i.Vi, when John Harley
was made bishop of Hereford. He gained great funie at tlie time
of Elizabeth and James I., by his knowledge in mathematics;
Tyclio Brahe gives liim tlie title of prfestantissimiis matliemati-
cus ; and Camden calls him nobilis mathematicus. He wrote a
preface to Euclid, and to Billingsley's Geometry, Epistola prs-
fixa Epheiiieridi Johannis Felde, 1.5.57 ; Epistola ad C'ommandi-
num pra-tixa libello de supcrficiornm divisionibus, 1570; and
perhaps in the whole not less than fifty treatises. He began
early to have the reputation of a conjuror; of which he griev-
ously complains in his preface to Euclid. This report, and his
pretended transactions with spirits, gave the poet occasion to
call it Dee's preface before the devil.
t Kelly was born at Worcester, and bred to the business of an
apotlii'Cary there, about the year 1555. Sometimes he is called
Talbot. He was a famous alchyujist, and Dee's assistant, his
seer or skryer, as he calls liim. Uriel, one of their chief spirits,
was the promoter of this connection. Soon after a learned Po-
lonian, ,-\lbert Alaski, prince of Sirad, whom j\!r. Butler calls
Lesciis, came into England, formed an acquaintance with Dee
and Kelly, and, when lie left this country, took them and their
families with him into I'oland. Ne.xt to Kelly, he was the great-
est confidant of Dee in his secret transactions. Camden speaks
of this Le^ciis in his Annals, 1.583. '■ E Polonia Russi:e vicina,
" hac lEtate vcnit in .XnL'liam Alhertus Alasco, Paiatinns .''iradi-
"ensis vir eruilitus, barba pronfisissima," &c. From Poland,
Dee ;uul Kelly, alter some time, removed to Pr^igue. They were
entertained by tlie emperor Kodolph U., disclosed to him some
of their chymical secrets, and showed liim the wonderful stone.
The empenjr. in reliu-n, treated them with great respect. Kelly
was knighted by him, liut iifterwards imprisoned ; and he died
in 1.587. Dee had received some advantageous otfers, it is said,
from tiie king of Friince, the emperor of Mu-covy, and several
foreign princes. Perhaps he had given them some specimens
of his service in the capacity of a spy. However, he returned
to England, and died VC17 poor, at Mortlake in Surrey, in the
year KiliS, aged 81. wou'd tell ye: — In the author's edition
it is printeii. " would -not tell ye." To raise the greater opinion
of his knowledge, he would pretend to make a secret of things
which he did not understand.
262 HUDIBRAS. [Part il
Than e'er was almanac well-wilier ;* 240
Her secrets understood so clear,
That some believ'd he had been there ;
Knew when she was in fittest mood
For cutting corns, or letting blood ;t
When for anointing scabs and itches, 245
Or to the bum applj'ing leeches ;
When sows and b.tches may be spay'd,
And in wiiat sign best cider's made ;
Whether the wane be, or increase,
Best to set garlic, or sow pease ; 250
Who first found out the man i' th' moon,
That to the ancients was unknown ;
How many dukes, and earls, and peers,
Are in the planetary spheres.
Their airy empire, and command, 255
Their sev'ral strengtlis by sea and land ;
What factions they've, and what the}^ drive at
In public vogue, or what in private ;
With wliat designs and interests
Each party manages contests. 260
He made an instrument to know
If the moon shine at full, or no ;
That would, as soon as e'er she shone, straight
Whether 'twere day or night demonstrate ;
Tell what her d'ameter to an inch is, 265
And prove that she's not made of green cheese.
It wou'd demonstrate, that the man in
The moon's a sea mediterranean ;t
And that it is no dog nor bitch
Tliat stands behind him at his breech, 270
* The almanac makers styled themselves well-willers to the
ni'ithematics, or philomaths.
t Ile-ipecthi}.' these anil other matters mentioned in the fol-
Iduing lines, Lilly and the old almanac makers pave pMrticnlar
directions. It appears from various calendars still preserved,
not to mention tlie works of flesiod, and the apotelesms of Rla-
nclho, jNIiixinnis, and Julius I'^irmicus, that astrologers ;imong
the Greeks and Romans conceived some planetary hours to be
especially favorable to the operations of hn^haiidry and physic.
t The light of the sun being uneriually reflected, and some
|virt< of the moon appearing more fully illuminated than others,
on tho supposition of ihe moon's being a terr.K]neous <;lobe, it is
thoUL'ht that the brighter parts are land, and the ilarker water
Thi-i instrument, therefore, woulil give a more distinct view of
tliose dusky liinires. which had vulgarly been called the man in
the moon, ami di-cover them to be bran "dies of the sea. In th^Se-
lenography of Floreatius Laiigrenus Johannes Hevelius, and
others, the dark parts are distinL'uishpd by the names of mare
crisiiim, mare serenitatis, oceanus pncelluriim, &c.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 263
But a huge Caspian sea or lake,
With arms, which men for legs mistake ;
How large a gulph his tail composes,
And what a goodly bay his nose is ;
How many German leagues by th' scale, 275
Cape snout's from promontory tail.
He made a planetary gin,
Which rats would run their own heads in.
And come on purpose to be taken
Without th' expence of cheese or bacon ; 280
With lute-strings he would counterfeit
Maggots, that crawl on dish of meat ;*
Quote moles and spots on any place
O' th' body, by the index face ;t
Detect lost maidenheads by sneezing,t 285
Or breaking wind of dames, or pissing ;
Cure warts and corns, with application
Of med'cines to th' nnagination ;
Fright agues into dogs, and scare.
With rhymes, tiie tooth-ach and catarrh ;§ 290
Chase evil spirits away by dint
* The snrill strings of a fiddle or lute, cut into short pieces,
and strewed npon warm meat, will contract, and appear lilie live
majigots.
t " Some physiosnomers have conceited the head of man to
" he the model of the whole body ; so that any mark there will
" have a corresponding one on some part of the body." See
Lilly's life.
t Democritus is said to have pronounced more nicely on the
maid servant of Hippocrates. "Puellseque vitium solo aspectu
" deprehendit." Yet the eyes of Democritus were scarcely more
acute and subtle than the ears of Albertus Magnus : " nee minus
" vocis mutationem ob eandem fere causam : quo tantum signo
" ferunt .\lbertum Jlagnum. ex niu^eo suo, puellam.ex vinopolio
"vinum pro hero deportanteiii, in ilinere vitiatam fuisse depre-
" hendisse; qiibd, in reditu subinde, cantantis ex acuta in gravi-
" orem niutatam vocem agnovisset." Gasper a Rcies. in elysio
Jiu-und. quasstion. ^anipo. Lilly professed this art. and said no
woman, that he fomd a maid, ever twitted him with his being
mistMken.
^ liutler seems to have raked together many of the baits for
humin credulity which his reading could furnish, or he had
ever Iie.ird mentioned. These charms for tooth-ache and coughs
wore well known to the common people a few yo::rr, since. The
word ahrncadahra. for fevers, is as old as Sammonicus. Haul
hnvt hista pista visln. were recommended for a sprain by Cato.
fCito prodidit luxalis mcmbris carmen auxiliare. Plin. Hist. Nat
xxviii.] Homer relate-', that the sons of .\utolycus stopped the
bleeding of Ulysses's xvound by a charm. See Odyss xix. 457,
and Barnes' Notes and Scholia:
iiraot&fj 6'' aljia JccXatvov
264 HUDlBRAS. [Part n
Of sickle, horseshoe, hollow flint ;*
Spit fire out of a wulniit-shell,
Which made tlie Roman slaves rebel ;t
And fire a mine in China here, 295
With sympatiietic gunpowder.
He knew whals'ever's to be known,
But mucli more than he knew would own.
Wliat med'cine 'twas that Paracelsus
Could make a man with, as he tells us ;t 300
What figur'd slates are best to make,
On wat'ry surface duck or drake :§
What bowling-stones, in running race
Upon a board, have swiftest pace ;
Whether a pulse beat in the black SO.*
List of a dappled louse's back ;|1
* Tliese concave implements, particiiliu'ly the horvc-slioe, we
have often seen nailed to the threshold of doors in the country,
in order to chase away evil spirits.
I Lucius Florus, l^ivy, and other historians, eive the followinf;
account of the ori^'in of the servile war. There was a j;reat
number of slaves in Sicily, and one of them, a Syrian, t:illed
Eunus, encouraged his ccnnpanions, at the order o.f the f.'ods, as
he said, to free themselves iiy arms. Ho tilled a nutslull with
fire and sulphur, and holding it in his mouth, breathed out tlanies,
when he spoke to them, in proof of his divine commission. By
this deception he mustered more than 4(),0ri0 persons.
t That philosopher, and others, thousht that man mifiht he
generated without connection of the se.\es. See this idea ridi-
culed by Rabelais, lib. ii. ch. 27. " Et celeherrimus Athanasius
"Kircherus, libro secnndo mundi subterranci pr;echire et S(didis
" rationibus, rcfutavit stultitlam nuiiatoris Paracelsi, qui (de pen-
"erat. rerum naturalium, lib. i.) copiose admodunr docere voluit
" ridirulam melhodum fienerandi honuinciones in vasis chenn-
" coruni." V. 38, Franc. Redi de generat. insectorum. The poet
probably had in view Hulwer's Artificial Changeling, who at
page 49(1, gives a full account of this matter, both from Paracel-
sus and others.
^ The poet, l)y mentioning this play" of children, means to in-
timate that Sidrophel was a smattcrer in natural pliilosophy,
knew sometliing of the laws of motion and gravity, though all
he arrived at was but childish play, no better than making ducks
and drakes.
II See Sparrmann's Voyage to the Cape of Good Hope. vol. ii.
p. 291. It was the fashion with the wits of our author's time to
ridicule the transactions of the Koyal Society. Mr. P)Utler here
indulges his vein by bantering tlicir micro-copic discoveries. At
present every one must be inclined to adopt the sentiment of
Cowley :
Mischief and true dishonor fall on those
Who wcnild to l.iughler or to scorn e.\pose
So virtuous and so noble a design.
So human for its use, for knowledge so divine.
The things vvhidi these proud men despise, and call
Impertinent, and vain, and small,
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 265
If systole or diastole move
Quickest when he's in wrath, or love ;*
Wiien two of them do run a race,
Whether they gallop, trot, or pace ; ilO
How many scores a flee will jump.
Of his own length, from head to rump,t
Which Socrates and Chffirephon
In vain assay'd so long agone ;
Whether his snout a perfect nose is, 315
And not an elephant's proboscis ;t
How many dift'Vent spccieses
Of maggots breed in rotten cheeses ;
And which are next of kin to those
Engendered in a chandler's nose ; 3a0
Or those not seen, but understood.
That live in vinegar and wood.§
A paltry wretch he had, half slai-v'd,
Those smallest things nf nature let me know,
Rather than all their greatest actions do I
Vhe learned and ingenious Bishop Hurd delivers his opinion
c this passage in two lines t'roni Pope :
But sense survived when merry jests were past,
For rising merit will buoy up at last.
•• Systole the contraction, and diastole the dilatation, of the
hrr.st, are motions of that organ by means of which the circula-
tio:, of the blood is eflected. The passions of the mind have a
sen::ii>le influence on the animal economy. Some of them, fear
and strrnw, chill the blood and retard its progress. Other pas-
sions, pvnd especially an^er and love, accelerate its motion, and
cause (^c [nrise to beat with additional strength and quickness.
t Ai'uophanes, in his comedy of the Clouds, Act i. sc. 2, in
troducei a scholar of Socrates describing the method in which
Socrates, and his friend Chaerephon, endeavored to ascertain
how manv lengths of his own feet a flea will jump— '/"'^'^''»'
(nr6(Tuvi li'^XoiTO rois aiirrjg ttoSu^, quot pedes suos pulex salta-
ret. They did not measure, as our author snys, by the length of
the body ; 'hey dipped the feet of the flea in melted wax, which
presently hardened into shoes ; these they took ofT. and meas-
ured the leap of the flea with them. It is probable that this
representation had been received with pleasure by the enemies
of Socrates. In the banquet of Xenophon the subject is taken
up bv one of the company : «AX' uni fioi, ndaovi i/.uXX« i:66ai
iuov anix^i. ratiTa yap at fam ytw/jcrptT;/— and is dismissed by
Socrates with akindofcooi coni(MM|)t. Plato somewhere aliudes
to the same jest. A tlea had jumped from the InrcheMd of Chie-
rephon to the head of Socraies, which introduced the incpiiry.
t Microscopic inquirers tell us that a flea has a proboscis,
somewhat like that of an elephant, but not quite so large.
(J The pungency of vinegar is said, by some, to arise from the
bites of animalcules which are contained in it. For these dis-
coveries see Hook's inicographical observations.
12
26ft HUDIBRAS. [Paot n.
That him in place of Zany serv'd,*
Hight Wliachniu, bred to dash and draw, 325
Not wine, but more unwliolesome law ;
To make 'twixt words and lines huge gaps,+
Wide as meridians in maps ;
To squander puper, and spare ink,
Or clieat men ol' their words, some think 330
From this by merited degrees
He'd to more liigh advancement rise,
To be an under-conjurer.
Or journeyman astrologer :
His bus'ness was to pump and wheedle, 335
And men with their own keys unriddle ;t
To make them to tiiemselves give answers.
For which tliey pay tlie necromancers ;
To fetch and carry intelligence
Of v/hom, and what, and where, and whence, 340
And all discoveries disperse
Among ih' whole pack of conjurers ;
What cut-purses have left with them,
For the right owners to redeem,
And what they dare not vent, find out, 345
To gain themselves and th' art repute ;
Draw figures, schemes, and horoscopes.
* A Zany is a luiffiion. or Morry Andrew, designed to assist
the quack, as the ballnd-singer does the cut-purse or pickpocket.
Some have supposed tliis ch;!r::cternf Wlmcluuii tn have lieeii
intended for one Tom Jones, a foolish Welshman. Others think
it was meant for Ridiard Green, who puldished a pamplit't en-
titled " Hudihras in a snare." The word ziny is derived by
some from the Creek aavvag^ a fool, r^ai'i/of ; (see Eust iih. ;id.
Odyss. .\.\ii. and !\Ieur-ii (ilossar. Gra-co-barl).,) by others from the
Venetian Zani, abbreviated from giovanni.
t As the way of lawyers is in their bills and answers in chan
eery, where they are piid so much a sheet.
X Mencitenius, in his book de Cliarlatineria Eruditoriun, ed.
Amst. 1747, p. 11)3, telU this story: Jactibat empiricus qnidam,
se ex solo urina; aspectu non solum de inorbis omnibus, sed eide
illorum cau-iis, qna'cunque deniuni illa^ (uerint. sive nalura, sive
siirs lulisset, certi^sime crgnoscere ; interim ille ita instruxerat
servulos suns, ut calllde humines ad se accedentes explor rent,
et de his, qu.-p rdiiipertt Inbcrent, clam ad se referrent. — Acce-
dit mulier [jiupercnla cum lotiii loiriti, quo vi\ viso, m o-itus
tun-;, inquil, per scalas doimis inliiu-cto casu decidit. Turn ilia
admirabuiida, i^iuihie, ail, ex urina intelligis ? Imii vero, iiquit
empiricus, et nisi me onmia fal tint, per quindecim scala- ci-mIus
deliip-ius est. At cum ilia, ulique visiinti se numeras e referret,
Iiic velut indiL'natu< (]uaM-it: num oinnem secuu] urinim auulis-
set : atque, ilia neg:inte, quod vasculmu materiam omnem non
capcret: itaque, ait, eli'udisti cum urina quinque gradus illos,
qui mihi ad numerum deerant.— 1 wonder this slory escaped Ur,
Grey
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. i>67
Of Newgate, Bridewell, brokers' shops,
Of thieves ascendant in the cart,*
And find out all by rules of art : 350
Which way a servino^-man, that's run
With clothes or money away, is gone ;
Wlio pick'd a fob at holding-fortli,
And wliere a watch, for half the worth,
May be redeeni'd ; or stolen plate 355
Restor'd at conscionable rate.
Beside all this, he serv'd his master
In quality of poetaster,
And rhymes appropriate could make
To ev'ry month i' th' almanack ; 360
When terms begin, and end, could tell,
Witii their returns, in doggerel ;
When the exchequer opes and shuts,
And sowgelder with safety cuts ;
When men may eat and drink their fill, 365
And when be template, if they will ;
When use, and when abstain from vice,
Figs, grapes, phlebotomy, and spice.
And as in prisons mean rogues beat
Hemp for the seivice of the great,t 370
So Whacluun beat his dirty brains
T' advance his master's fame and gains,
And like the devil's oracles.
Put into dogg'rel rhymes his spells,!
Wliicli, over ev'ry month's blank page 375
I' th' almanack, strange bilks presage. §
He would an elegy compose
On maggots squeez'd out of his nose ;
In lyric numbers write an ode on
His mistress, eating a black-pudding ; 380
And, when imprison'd air escaped her,
It puft him with poetic rapture:
His sonnets charm'd th' attentive crowd,
By wide-mouth'd mortal troll'd aloud,
T'liat, circled with his long-ear'd guests, 385
* A-cciul:int, a term in sistrnlooy, is here eiiuivuf^al.
t Petty rnyues in Briilevvoll pimnil lieinp ; mikI it limy hnppen
thit the (iriiiliice of tlu'ir lulior is employed in halters, in which
grpa'er cr niiiii^ls .ire hiingcd.
i Pluiarch has a whole treitise to discuss the question, why
Apulli) h^id censed to delivfr liis (irKcles in verse : which brings
on an incident il inquiry why hi/ language was often bad, and
his verses defective.
§ Hillv is a Gothic word, sifinifying a cheat or fraud: it .signi-
fies lijtewise to baulk or disappoint.
268 HUDIBRAS.. [Part n.
Like Orpheus, look'd among the beasts :
A carman's liorse could not pass by,
But stood ty'd up to poetry :
No porter's burden pass'd along,
But sen''d for burden to his song: 390
Each window like a pill'ry appears,
With heads thrust thro' nail'd by the ears ;
All trades run in as to the sight
Of monsters, or their dear delight,
The gallow-tree,* when cutting purse 395
Breeds bus'ness for heroic verso,
Which none does hear, but would have hung
T' have been the theme of such a song.t
Those two together long liad liv'd.
In mansion, prudently contriv'd, 400
Where neither tree nor house could bar
The free detection of a star ;
And nigh an ancient obelisk
Was rais'd by him, found out by Fisk,
On which was written not in words, 405
But hieroglyphic mute of birds, t
Many rare pithy saws, concerning^
The worth of astrologic learning :
* Thus Clevel.iml, in his poem entitled the Rebel Scot:
A Scot when from the i;;illo\v-tree got loose,
Drops into Styx, and turns a Soland goose.
1 The author |ierh;ips recollected some lines in Sir John Den
ham's poem on the trial and death ot' the earl of Stratford :
Such was his force of eloquence, to make
The hearers more concern'd than he ihiit spake ;
Each seem'd to act that part he came lo see,
And none was more a looker on than he ;
So did he move our passions, some were known
To wi>h, for the defence, the crime their own.
When Mars and Venus were surprised in Vulcan's net, and
the deities were assembled to see them, Ovid says :
aliqnis de dis non tristibus optet
Sic fieri turpis Wetamorph. lib. iv. 187.
J Fisk was a quack physician and astrolof;cr of that time, and
an acqnaint;mre of William l/illy, the almanac maker and prog
nosticator. " In the year KUi:!," says Lilly in his own life, '' I
" lieranie acquaintod with Nicholas Fisk, licentinte in physic,
" born in Su(l(>lk, tit for, but ncjt sent to, the university. Study-
"ing at home astrology and physic, which he afterwards prac-
" tiscd at Colchester :" He had a pension from the parliament;
and during the civil war, and the whole of the u-^urpation, prog-
nosticateii on that side. [J\Inle. The dung of birds. Todd in
his edition of Johnson, with this passage quoted.]
§ Pithy, that is, nervous, witty, full of sense and meaning,
like a proverb. Saw, that is, say, or saying, from A. S. Douglas
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 269
From top of this there hung a rope,
To which he fasten'd telescope ;* 410
The spectacles with which the stars
He reads in smallest characters.
It happened as a boy, one night.
Did fly his tarsel of a kite,t
The strangest long-wing'd hawk that flies 413
"That, like a bird of Paradise,
Or herald's martlet, has no legs,t
Nor hatches young ones, nor lays eggs ;
His train was six yards long, milk white.
At til' end of which there hung a light, 420
Enclos'd in lanthorn made of paper.
applies it to any saying, (p. 143, v. 52,) and once in a bad sense
to indecent language :
Nil rin with sleath, and many unseemly saw
auhare sciiaine is loisl. P. 90, v. 15.
* Befracting telescopes were formerly so constructed as to re
quire such an awkward apparatus. Hugenius invented a teles-
cope without a tube. The object glass was fixed to a long pole,
and its axis directed towards any object by a string, which pass-
ed down I'roiii the glass above to the eye-glass below. He pre-
sented to the Royal Society an object glass of one hundred and
twenlv-three feet focal distance, with an apparatus belonging to
it, which he had made himself. It is described in his Astroco-
pia cnmpendiaria tulii optici molimine liberata, Hague, 1084.
t Ticrsel, or liercelet. as the French call the male hawk,
which is less in the body by a third part than the female, from
whence it hath the name. Lord Bacon says it is stronger and
more courageous than the female.
t The bird of Paradise, or the Pica Paradissa of Linnaeus.
The manucodiata of Edwards and Ray. The Portuguese first
saw them in Gilolo, Papua, and New Guinea : many idle fables
have been propagated concerning these birds, among which are
to be reckoned, that they have no feet, pass their lives in the
air and feed on that element: but it is found that the feet are
cutot}', that the birds may dry the better, and the scapular knlh-
ers prevent tlieir sitting on trees in windy weather. Natural-
ists describe intiny species, but the Paradi>a:'a apoilo, or greater
bird of Paradise is generally about two feet in length. See La-
tham, Syn. ii. 47. Index, i. 104, and Essay on India, by John
ReinhobI Forster, p. 17. Martlets are painted by "the heralds
without legs, or with very short ones, scarcely visible. In Le
Blanc's Travels, p. 1 15, we are told of the birds of Paradise, that
they are kept in a cage in the Sultan's garden, and are thought
by Europeans to have no legs. Lord Baci>n has the following
passage in his Works, fol. vol. iv. p. 3-25 : " The second reason
"that" made me silent w.ts. because this su-picion and rumour
"of nnderlakins settles upon no person certa'.n : it is like the
"birds of paradise, that they have in the Indies, that have no
" feet, and tlierefore never liiilit upon any phice. but the wind
"carries them away. And such a thing I take this rumour to
" be." Pliny, in his Natural History, hasachapter de Apodibu%
lib. X. ch.39.
270 HUDIBRAS. [Part a
That fai off like a star did appear :
This 8idrophel by chance espy'd,
And with amazement staring wide :
Bless us, qiioth he, what dreadful wonder 42.'!
Is tliat appears in heaven yonder 1
A cornel, and without a beard !
Or star, that ne'er before appear'd !
I'm certain 'tis not in the serowl
Of all those beasts, and fish, and fowl,* 430
With wiiich, like Indian plantations,
The learned stock tlie constellations ;t
Nor those that, drawn for signs, have been
To th' houses where the planets inn.t
It must be supernatural, 435
Unless it be that cannon-ball
That, shot i' the air, point-blank upright,
Was borne to that prodigious height,
That, learn'd pliilosophers maintain.
It ne'er came backwards down again, § 440
But in the airy regions yet
Hangs, like the body o' Mahomet :||
* Astrnnniners, for the help of their memory, and to avoid
giving n;imes to every star in particular, have divided them into
constellations oi companies, which they have distinguished by
the names of several beasts, birds, tishes, &c., as they fall with-
in the compass which the tbrnis of these creatures reach to.
Butler, in his Genuine Remains, vol. i. page 9, says :
Since from the greatest to the least.
All other stars and constellations
Have cattle of all sorts of nations.
This distribution of the stars is very ancient. Tully mentions
it from Aralus, in nearly the same terms which are used in our
astriinoniical tables. The divisions are called houses by the as-
trologers.
t Cosmographers, in their descriptions of the world, when
they found many vast places, whereof they knew nothing, are
used to fill the same with an account of Indian plantations,
strange birds, beasts, &.c. So historians and poets, says Plutarch,
embroider and intermix the tales of ancient times with fictions
and filiulous discoveries.
J Signs, a pun between signs for public houses, and signs or
constellaliiiiis in the heavens. Aralus and Eratnsthenes. — The
Catasterisinoi of the latter, printed at the end of Fell's Aratus,
are nearly as old as Aratus himself. See also Hall's Virgidemi-
aruu), book ii. Sat. vii. v. 20.
^ Some foreign philosophers directed a cannon against the
z?nith ; and, having fired it, could not find where the ball fell
from whence it was conjectured to have stuck in the moon 0?s
Ciirti"< imasined that the bill remained in the air.
II The iniprobible story of .Mahomet's body being suspended
in an iron ih(>st, between two,great loadstones, is refuted by Mr
Sandys aad Ur. Prideau.x.
Canto hi.] - HUDIBRAS. 271
For if it be above the shade,
That by the eartii's round bulk is mado,
'Tis probable it may from far, 445
Appear no bullet, but a star.
This said, he to his engine flew,
Plac'd near at hand, in open view,
And rais'd it, till it leveli'd right
Against the glow-worm tail of kite ;* 450
Then peeping thro', Bless us I quoth he,
It is a planet now I see ;
And, if I err not, by his prqper
Figure, that's like tobacco-stopper,'!
It should be Saturn : yes, 'tis clear 455
'Tis Saturn ; but what makes him there?
He's got between the Dragon's tail,
And farther leg behind o' th' Whale ;|:
Pray heav'n divert the fatal omen.
For 'tis a prodigy not common, 460
And can no less than the world's end.
Or nature's funeral, portend.
With that, he fell again to pry
Thro' perspective more wistfully.
When, by mischance, the fatal string, 405
That kept the tow'ring fowl on wing,
Breaking, down fell the star. Well shot.
Quoth Whachum, w^ho right wisely thought
He' ad levell'd at a star, and iiit it ;
But Sidrophel, more subtle-vvitted, 470
Cry'd out, V.'hat iiorrible and fearful
Portent is this, to see a star fall !
It threatens nature, and the doom
Will not be long before it come !
* The luminous part of the ^low-worm is the tail.
t This allhdes to the syiiiliol which astronomers use to ilennte
the planet Saturn ( ^), and astrologers use a sij;n not much un-
like it. It is no wonder Sidrophel should lie pnzzled to know
for certain whether it was Saturn or not, as the i)hases of Saturn
are very various and extraordinary, and long perplexed the as-
tronomers, who could not divine the meaning of such irref;ular-
ity. thus Hevelius observes, that he appears sometimes mono-
spherical, sometimes trispherical, spherico-ansatcd, e/liptica-an-
sated, and sp/ierico-ciisp/datcd ; Iml Huygens reduced all these
phases to three principal ones, round, brachiated. and ansaUd.
See (^'hanihers's Uiclion;iry, art. Saturn.
X Sidropliel. the sliii-ua'zer, names any two constellations he
can think of: or rather the poet designs to make him liliin<ier,
by fixuig on those which are far di-^tant from each other, on
dilll-rent sides of the equator; and also by talkinj; of the
wh lie's hinder leg. On some old globes the whale is described
with legs.
272 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
When stars do fall, 'tis plain enough 475
Tlie day of judg'inent's not far off";
As lately 'twas reveal'd to Sedgwick,*
And some of us find out by magick;
Then, since the time we have to live
In this world's shorten'd, let us strive 480
To make our best advantage of it,
And pay onr losses witii our profit.
This feat fell out not long before
The Knight, upon the forenam'd score.
In quest of Sidrophel advancing, 485
Was now in prospect of the mansion ;
Whom he discov'ring, turn'd his glass,
And found farotf'lwas Hudibras.
Whachum, quoth he, Look yonder, some
To try or use our art are come : 490
The one's the learned Knight ; seek out,
And pump 'em what they come about.
Whachum advanc'd, with all submiss'ncss
T' accost 'em, but much more their business;
He held the stirrup, while the Knight 495
From leathern bare-bones did alight ;
And, taking from his hand the bridle,
Approach'd the dark Squire to unriddle.
He gave him first the time o' th' day,t
And welcom'd him, as he might say: 500
He ask'd him whence they came, and whither
Their business lay? Quoth Ralpho, Hither.
Did you not lose ?t — Quoth Ralpho, Nay.
Quoth Whachum, Sir, I meant your way ?
Your Knight — Quoth Ralpho, Is a lover, 505
And pains intol'rable doth suffer ;
For lovers' Irearts are not their own hearts,
Nor lights, nor lungss, and so forth downwards.
* Will. Sedgwick was a whimsical fanatic preacher, settled by
the p:irliaiiient in the city of Ely. He pretenilcil much to reve-
hitions, iind was called the apostle of the Isle of Ely. He gave
ont that the approach of the day nf judgment had lieen disclosed
to him in a vision : and going to the house of Sir Francis Russel,
in Candiridgeshire, where he found several gentlemen, he warned
them all to prepare themselves, for the day of judgment would
be some day in the next week.
t He bade him good ev(;ning'. see line 540.
t Ho sujiposes they came to inquire alter something stolen
or strayed; the u-ual case with peo[)le when they a))ply to the
cunning man. In these lines we must ol>serxe the arifnlness of
Whachum, wlio pumps the squire concerning the knight's busi-
ness, and afterwards relates it to Sidrophel in the presence of
both of them.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 273
What time?— Quoth Ralpho, Sir, too long,
Three years it off and on has hung — 510
Quoth he, I meant what time o' th' day 'tis.
Quoth Ralpho, between seven and eight 'tis,
Why then, quoth Whachum, my small art
Tells me the Dame has a hard heart.
Or great estate. Quoth Ralph, A jointure, 515
Which makes him have so hot a mind t' her.
Mean-whiie the Knight was making water,
Before he fell upon the matter:
Which having done, the Wizard steps in,
To give iiim a suitable reception ; 520
But kept his business at a bay.
Till Whachum put him in the way ;
Who having now, by Ralpho's light.
Expounded th' errand of the Knight,
And what he came to know, drew near, 525
To whisper in the Conj'rer's ear,
Which he prevented thus : What was't,
Quoth he, that I was saying last,*
Before these gentlemen arriv'd?
Quoth Whachum, Venus you retriev'd, 530
In opposition with Mars,
And no benign and friendly stars
T' allay the effect.! Quoth Wizard, So:
In Virgo? ha! Quoth Whachum, No:t
Has Saturn nothing to do in it ;§ 535
One tenth of 's circle to a minute !
'Tis well, quoth he — Sir you'll excuse
This rudeness I am forc'd to use ;
It is a scheme, and face of heaven.
As th' aspects are dispos'd this even, 540
* To prevent the suspicion which niifrht be created by vihis-
perinji, he ciiuses Whachum to relate his intelligence aloud, in
tiie cant terms of his own iirol'ession.
t There should lie no comma after the word retriev'd ; it here
signities found, observed, from the French retrouver. Venus, the
goddess of love, opposes and thwarts Mars, the god of war, and
there is likely to be no accord between theui. By which he
gives him to understand, that the knight was in love, and had
small hopes of success.
t Is his ndstress a virgin t No.
5 Saturn. K/idio?, was the god of time. The wizard by these
words inquires how long the love alfair had been carried on.
Whachnni replies, one tenth of his circle to a minute, or three
years; one tenth of the thirty years in which palurn finishes
his revolution, and exactly the time which the knight's court-
ship had been pending.
12*
274 HUDIBRAS. [Part a.
I was contemplatiiifj upon
When yoii arriv'd ; but now I've done.
Quotii Hiidibrds, If I appear
Unseasonable in coming here
At sucli a time, to interrupt 545
Your specuhitions, which I hop'd
Assistance from, and come to use,
'Tis fit tiiat I ask your excuse.
By no means, Sir, quoth Sidrophel,
The stars your coming did foretci ; 550
I did expect you here, and knew,
Before you spalie, your business too.*
Quoth Hud. bras, Make that appear,
And I siiall credit wluitsoe'er
You tell me after, on your word, 555
Howe'er unlikely, or absurd.
You are in love, Sir, with a widow,
Quoth he, that does not greatly heed you,
And for three years has rid your wit
And passion, without drawing bit ; 560
And now your business is to know
If you shall carry her, or no.
Quoth Hudibras, You're in the right.
But how the devil you come by't
I can't imagine ; for the stars, 565
I'm sure, can tell no more than a horse :
Nor can their aspects, tho' you pore
Your eyes out on 'em, tell you more
Than th" oracle of sieve and sheers,t
That turns as certain as the spheres : 570
But if the Devil's of your counsel.
Much may be done, my noble donzel ;t
* In some editions we read, Know before you speak.
t '"Put a p:iire of sheeres in llie rim of a sieve, and let two
" persons set the tip of each of their fiirefinL'crs upon llie upper
" part of the >heers, holdint; it with the sieve up from.the ground
"steddilie, and ask Peter and Paul whetlier A. B. or C. hath
" stolne the .hing lost, and at the nonjination of the auilty per-
"son the sieve will turn round." Scot's Discovery of Witchcraft,
book xii. ch. xvii. p. 262. The KotTKivdfiavTi;, or diviner by a
sieve, is mcntioneil liy Theocritus Idyll, iii. 31. The Greek prac-
tice differed very little from that whicli has been slated above.
They tied a thread to the sieve, or fixed it to a pair of shears,
which they held between two finders. After addressinf; them-
selves to the gods, they repealed the names of the suspected
per-ons ; and he, ,it whose name the sieve turned njund, was
adjudged guilty. Potter's Gr. Antiq. vol.i. p. 3.52.
I A sneering kind of appellation : donzel being a dimintitive
from don. Builer says, in his character of a squire of Dames,
Canto m.J HUDIBRAS. 275
And 'tis on this account I come,
To know from you my fatal doom.
Quoth Sidi-oplicl, If you suppose, 575
Sir Knight, that I am oue of tnose,
I might suspect and take the alarm,
Your business is but to inform :*
But if it be, 'tis ne'er the near,
Yon iiave a wrong sow by the ear ; 580
For I assure you, for my part,
I only deal by rules of art ;
Such as are lawful, and judge by
Conclusions of astrology ;
But for the devil ; know nothing 1^ him, 585
But only this, that I defy him.
Quoth he, Whatever others deem ye,
I understand your metonymy jt
Your words of second-hand intentien,t
When things by wrongful names you mention ; 590
(vol. ii. p. 379.) "he is donzel to the (iamzels, and gentleman
" iHher dHily waiter on the hiilies, that rubs mu his time in nia-
" king legs and love to them." 'J'he vvurd is likewise used in
Ben .lonson's Alchymist. ['' DonzeL del Plicbo. A celehrated
" hero of roniMnce in tlie Mirror of Knightliood. &c. Donzel is
" from the Italian, donzellu, and means a squire, or young man;
" or, as Florio stiys, • A damosell, a bacheler,' &c. He seems al-
" ways united with Rosicluar.
" Defend thee powerfully, marry thee simiptuously, and keep
" thee in despite of Rosiclear or Duiizel del Pliebo.
" Malcontent, O. PI. iv.92.
" Donzel del Plitho and Rosicleer '. are you there ^
" The Bird in a Cage, O. PI. viii. 248.
"So the Captain in Philuster calls liie citizens in insurrection
" with him, ' Sly dear Dun.tels:'' and presently after, when Phi-
" laster appears salutes him hy the title of
" — iNly royal Rosiclear!
" We are thy myrnjidons. thy gnirds, thy roarers.
•' Pliilaster, v. p. lGG-7." — Nares's Glossary.]
* .At that time there was a severe inquisition against conjurers,
witches, &c. See the note on line 143. In Rymer's Fcedera,
vol. xvi. p. (51)6, is a special pardon from king James to Simon
Read, for practising the hiack art. It is entitled, \)c Pardonatio-
ne pro Simone Read de Invocatione, et Conjuratione Cacodnemo-
num. He is there said to have invoked certain wicked spirits in
the year 1008, in the parish of St. George, Sonlhwark, partiruilar-
ly one such spirit called Heavelon, another called Falernon, and
a third called Cleveton.
t Metonymy is a figure of speech, whereby the cause is put
for the effect,'the suhject for the a<ljUMCl.
t Terms of second intention, among the schoolmen, denote
ideas which have heen arbitrarily adopted for purposes of science,
in fipposition to those which are connected with sensible ob
jects.
276 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
The mystic sense of all your terms,
That arc indeed but magic charms
To raise the devil, and mean one thing.
And tiiat is downright conjuring ;
And ill itself inore warrantable* 595
Than cheat or canting to a rabble,
Or putting tricks upon the moon,
Which by confed'racy are done.
Your ancient conjurers were wont
To make her from lier sphere dismount,t 600
And to their incantations stoop ;
Tliey scorn'd to pore thro' telescope,
Or idly play at 'bo-peep with her.
To find out cloudy or lair weather,
Which ev'ry almanac can tell 605
Perhaps as learnedly and well
As you yourself — Then, friend, I doubt
You go the furthest way about :
Your modern Indian magician
Makes but a hole in th' earth to piss in,T 610
And straight resolves all questions by't.
And seldom fails to be i' th' right.
The Rosy-crucian way's more sure
To bring the devil to the lure ;
Each of 'em has a several gin, 615
To catch intelligences in.§
Some by the nose, with fumes, trepan 'em,
As Dunstan did the devifs granuam.||
* The knight has no faith in astrology ; but wishes the conju-
rer to own plainly that he deals with tlie devil, and then he will
hope for some satisfaction from him. To show what may be
done in this way, he recounts the great achievements of sorcer-
ers,
t So the witch Canidia boasts of herself in Horace:
Polo
Deripere lunam vocibus possim meis.
The ancients frequently introduced this fiction. See Virgil,
Fclogue viii. (i'J. Ovid's Jletamorphoses, vii. 207. Propertius,
Lvuk i. elegy i. Il> and TihulUis, book i. elegy ii. 44.
t '■ The king presently called to his Bongi to clear the air ; the
conjuror immeiliately made a hole in the eround, wherein he
urined." Le BlancV Travels, p. 98. The ancient Zabii used to
dig a hole in the earth, and till it with blood, as the means of
forming a correspondence with demons, and obtaining their fa-
vor.
$ To secure demons or spirits.
II The chyinists and alchymists. In the Remains of Butler,
vol. ii. p. '2:i5, we read: "'i'hese spirits they use to catch by the
noses with lumigations, as St. Uunstan did the devil, by a pair of
tongs." The story of St. Dnnslan taking the devil by the nose with
a pair of hot pincers, has been frequently related. St. Dunstan lived
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 277
Otiiers with characters and words
Catch 'em, as men in nets do birds ;* 020
And some with symbols, signs, and tricks,
Engrav'd in planetary nicks, t
With their own influences will fetch 'em
Down from their orbs, arrest, and catch 'em ;t
Make 'em depose, and answer to 625
All questions, e'er they let them go.
Bombastus kept a devil's bird
Shut in the pummel of his sword, §
That taught him all the cunning pranks
Of past and future mountebanks. 630
Kelly did all his feats upon
The devil's looking glass, a stone, H
in the tenth century: was a great admirer and proficient in the
piilite arts, particularly painting and sculpture. As he was very
Hltentively in his cell engraving a gold cu|i, the devil tempted
him in the shape uf a beautiliil \V(jnian. The saint, perceiving
in the spirit who it was. took up a red hot pair of tongs, and
catching hold of the devil by the nose, made him howl in such
a terrible manner as to be heard all over the neighborhood.
* By repetition of magical S(junds and words, pro|)erly culled
enchanimeiits.
t By lisures and signatures described according to astrological
synimelry ; that is, certain conjunctions or oppositions with the
planets antl aspects of tlie stars.
X Carmina vel ccelo possunt deducere lunam.
§ Bombastus de Ilohenheim, called also Aurelius Philippus,
an'd Theophrastus, but more generally known by the name of
Paracelsus, was son of William Hohenheim, and author, or rath-
er rc>torer, of chymical pharmacy. He ventured upon a free
administering of mercury and laudannin; and performed cures,
which, in those days of ignorance, were deemed supernatural.
He entertained some whimsical notions concerning the antedilu-
vian form of man. and man's generation. Mr. Butler's note on
this passage is in the following words: "Paracelsus is said to
" have kept a small devil prisoner in the piinmiel <if his sword;
"which was the reason, perhaps, why he was so valiant in his
■'drink. However, it was to better purpose than Hannibal carried
"poison in his sword, to dispatch himself if he should hniiiien to
" be sui-irised in iuiy great extremity : for the sword would have
"done the feat alone much better and more soldier-like. And it
" was below the honor of so great a commander to go out of the
"world like a rat."
II Dr. Dee had a stone, which he called his angelical stone,
pretendiiiL' that it was brought to him by an angel: and "by a
"spirit it was, sure enougli,' says Dr. Jl. ("asaubon. We find
Dee himself telling the emperor " tliat the angels of God had
"broUL'ht to him a'stone of that value, that no earthly kingdom
"is of that worthiness, as to be compared to the virtue or digni-
"ty thereof."* It was large, round, and very transparent ; and
persons who were qualified for the sight of it, were to perceive
various shapes and figures, either represented in it as in a look-
• See Casauboii's rolaiion of what p.isscd between Dr. Dee and some spirit^
printed at London, 1G69.
278 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
Wheie, playing witli liim at bo-peep,
He solv'd all problems ne'er so deep.
Agrippa kept a Stygian pug, 635
I' til' garb and habit of a dog,*
ins-glass, or standing; upon it as on a pedestal. This stone is now
in the possession of the very learned and ingenious earl ol' Or-
ford, at Strawberry-hill.* It appears to he a vulcanic produc-
tion, of the species vulgarly called the hlack Iceland a^.-ite,
which is a perfectly vitrified lava ; and according to Bergman's
analysis, contains of siliceous earth si.\ty-nine parts in a hun-
dred ; argillaceous twenty two parts and nnrtial nine. See Beri:.
Opu c. vol. iii. p. 240, and Letiers from IcclsnU, lett. 25. The la-
pis obiidianus of the ancients is sujiposed to have been of this
si)ecies : a stone, according to Pliny, "queni in ^-Ethiopia inveiiit
•' Obsidius, nigerrinii coioris .aliquando et translucidi, cra-siore
" visu, atquo in speculis parietuui pro imagine uajbras reddente."
f'lin. Nat. Hist. lib. .x.vxvi. cap. 20. The same kind of sionc is
found also in South -America; and called by the Spaniards,
from its color, piedra de galliaaco. The poet might term it the
devil's looking-glass, fmni the use which Dee and Kelly made
of it; and because it has been the common pr.ictice of conjurers
to answer the inquiries of persons, by representations shown
to them in a looking-glass. ])r. M. Casaulmn quotes a pa^sa^e
lo this purpose from a manuscript of Roger Bacon, inscribed Ue
dictis et factis filsornm niaihematicoruni et (kemonum. "'J'he
"demons sometimes appear to them really, sometimes imiigin.iri-
" ly in basins and poli-hed things, and shew them wh.atever
" they desire. JSoys, looking upon these surfaces, see by imngi-
" nation, things that have been stolen ; to what places they have
" been carried ; what persons took them away: and the' like."
In the pr;iemium of Joach. Camerarius to Plutarch De Oraculis,
we are told that a gentlem in of Nurimberg had a crystal which
had this singular virtue, viz., if any one desired to know any thing
p a-t or future, let a young man, castum, or who was n<n of age,
look into it; he would tirst see a man, so and so apparelled, and
alierwards what he desired. We meet with a similar story in
lleylin's History of the Reformation, part iii. The earl of Hert-
foril, lirother to queen Jane Seymour, having formerly been em-
ployed in France, acquainted himself therewith a learned man,
who was supposed to h.ave great skill in magic. 'J'o this person,
by rewards and importunities, he applied for information concern-
ing his alftirs at home ; and his impertinent curiosity was so far
gratified, that by the help of some magical perspective, he beheld
a gentleman in a more familiar posture with his wife than was
consistent with the honor of either party. To this diabolical
illu-inn he is said to have given so much credit, that he not only
estranged himself from her society at his return, but furnished a
second wife with an e.\cellcnt reason for urging tlie disin-
herison of his former children. The ancients had also the
Aido/xavrtia.
* " As Paracelsus had a devil confined in the pummel of his
"sword, so .Agrippa had one tied to his dog's collar," siys Erns-
tus. It is prob ible that the collar had some strange uninlelligi-
ble characters engraven upon it. ftlr. Butler hath a note on
* The amhenticiiy anil iJciuiiy of ihis sione c.iiinot be duuhieil, as its rle-
Bceiil is more clearly proved than that of Aoramemiion's scepoe. Jt was
•pncified iij the cawloijiie of the earl of Peterborutish, at Drayton; ihcnce
fpll to latly Betty Gerinaine, who guve it to the Duke of Arifyle, antl his son
lord Frederick Camubeil to lord Orlord.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 279
That was his tutor, and the cur
Read to th' occult philosoplier,*
And tauglit him subt'ly to maintain
All other sciences are vain.t 640
To this, quoth Sidrophello, Sir,
Agrippii was no conjurer,!
Nor Paracelsus, no, nor Behnien ;
Nor was the dog a caco-deemon,
But a true dog that would shew tricks 645
For th' emp'ror, and leap o'er sticks ;
Would fetch and curry, was more civil
Thau other dogs, but yet no devil ;
And whatsoe'er he's said to do.
He went the self-same way we go. 650
As for the Rosy-cross philosophers.
Whom you will have to be but sorcerers,
What they pretend to is no more
Than Trismegistus did before, §
Pythagoras, old Zoroaster,|| 655
<te?e lines in the following; words: •'Cornelius Agripp:! had a
'dog that was suspected ti) be a spirit, fur some triclis he was
"wont to do beyond Ihe cipacity of a dog. But the author of
" Magia Atianiica has taken a great deal of pains to vindicate
"both the doctor and the dog from that aspersion; in which
"he has shown a very great respect and kindness for them
"both."
* A book entitled, De Occulta Philosophia, was ascribed to
Agrippi, and from thence he was called the occult philosopher.
t Bishop Wiirburton says, nothing can be more pleasant
than this turn given to Agrippa's silly book De Vanitatc Scien-
liarum.
t A subject of much disputation. Paulus Jovius, and others
maintiin that he was. Wierus and Monsieur Naud6 endeavor
to vindicate him from the charge: Apologie pour les grands
homraes accuses de m:igie. Perhaps we may best apologize for
Agrippa, by saying, that he was not the author of every book
which litis been attributed to him. See Canio i. line .'541).
§ The Egyptian Tholh or Tout, called Hermes by the Greeks,
anil Mercury by the ijatins, from whom the chymi^ls pretend to
have derived their art, is suppo-^ed to have lived soon afier the
time of .Moses, and to have made improvements in every branch
of learning. " Tboih," says Lactantius, •' antiquis-iimus et in-
'■structi<simus omni jenere doctrin;c, adeo utei multarum rerum
" et arlium scieniia Tri^^megi^to cognomen imponeret." B. i. cap.
6. The Egyptians anciently engraved their laws and discoveries
in science upon columns, which were deposited in the colleges
of the priests. The culnnjn in their laniruage was termed Thoth.
And in a country where almost every thing bcc:ime an obje($
of worship, it is no wcnidcr that the sacred column should be
persoiiiticd, and that Thoth should be revered as the inventor or
great promoter of learning.
11 Pythagoras, a (ireck philosopher, flourished about the sixth
or seventh century before Christ. He was the scholar of Thales ;
280 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
And Appollonius their master.*
To whom they do confess they owe
All that they do, and all they know.
Quoth Hudibras, Alas ! what is't t' us
Whether 'twas said by Trismesristus, GGC
If it be nonsense, false, or mystic,
Or not intelligible, or sophistic ?
'Tis not antiquity, nor author.
That makes truth truth, altho' time's daughter ;t
'Twas he that put her in the pit, 665
and travelled forty years in E?ypt, Chaldea, and other parts of
the East, velut pccdn literarum, lor the sake of iinprovenient.
See Diog. Laert. He was initiated into all ilieir mysteries. At
last he settled in Italy, and founded the Italic sect. Ilecnnitnon-
ly e.vpresscd himself by symbols. Many incredible stories are
reported of him by LtiertiU", Jaiiiblicus, and others. Old Zo-
roaster, .so old that authors know not when he lived. Some
make him cotemporary with Abraham. Others place him five
thousand years before tlie 'I'rojan war. Justin says of him,
"Postrenium illi (Nino) bellum cum Zoroastre. rege Bactriano-
" rum fuit, qui primus dicitur artes macicas invenisse, et mundi
" priricipia, siderumque rnotus diligentissime spectiisse." Lib.
i. cap. 1.
* ApiHillonius, of Tyana, lived in the time of Domitian. He
embraced the doctrines of Pytha^'oras ; travelled far Itnth east
and west; everywhere spent much of his lime in the temples;
was a critical inspector of the paiian worship; and set himself
to reform and purify their ritual. He wa-; njuch averse to ani-
mal sacrifices, and condemned the e.xhibitions of <;ladiators.
Many improbable wonders are related of him by Philostratus ;
and more are added by subsequent writers. According to these
accounts he raised the dead, rendered himself invisible,* was
seen at Rome and I'uteoli on the s.ntne day ; and proclaimed at
Ephesus the murder of Domitian at the very instant of Us perpetra-
tion at Home. This last fact Is attested by DIoCassius the consular
historian ; who with the most vehement asseverations, affirms
it to be certainly true, though it should be denied a thousand
times over. Y(n the same Dio elsewhere calls him a cheat and
imjiostor. Dio Ixviii. ult. et Ixxvii. IS. For an acci.'Unt of the
dilibrcnce of the r-i;rci'«, M.jyc'a, itidpfjiaKdii, three of the prin-
cip;il ancient superstitions brought from Persia, see Suidas in
voccui l'ni]T€ia. Their master, i. e. master of the Rosicrucians.
t The knight argues that opinions are not always to be re-
ceived on the authority of a great name ; nor does the antiauity
of an o|)inion ever constitute the truth of it, though time »ill
often give stability to truth, and foster it as a legitimattj otls|iring.
Yet perhaps there is many a learned character to which the lines
of Horace are ai)plicable :
Qui redit in fastos, et virtutem a>stimat annis ;
Miraturque nihil, nisi quod Libitina sacravit.
Epist. lib. ii. ep. i. 48.
• Thp tienlhcna were fond of comparing these fcata with the miraclae of
JesuB Chri6l.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 281
Before lie pull'd her out of it ;*
And as he eats his sons, just so
He feeds upon his daughters too.t
Nor does it follow, 'cause a herald
Can make a gentleman, scarce a year old,} 670
To be descended of a race
Of ancient kings in a small space,
That we should all opinions hold
Autheutic, that we can make old.
Quoth Sidrophel, It is no part 675
Of prudence to cry down an art.
And what it may perform, deny,
Because you understand not why ;
As Averrhois play'd but a mean trick,
To damn our whole art for eccentrick,§ 680
* Time brings many truths to light: according to Horace,
Epist. lib. i. ep. vi. 24 :
Qiiicqiiid sub terra est in apricum proferet *tas.
But time often involves subjects in perplexity, and occasions
those very ditficullies which afterwards it helps to remove.
" Veritaleiii in puteo latenteni non inconcinne finxit antii|uitas."
Cicero employs a saying of Democritns to this purpose, Acadeni.
(iua;st. i. IC, " anfriistos sensus, iiiibecillos aninios, brevia curri-
"cula vit;e, et ut Ueiiiocritus, in pmfundci veritatem esse dcnier-
" sain." Again in Lucullo : '' N.itLUam accusa, qn;c in profundo
"veritatem, nt ait Democritus, penitus abstruserit." Bishop
VVarburton observes, that the satire contained in these lines of
our author is fine and just. Cleaiithes said, " that truth whs hid
'■ in a pit." " Yes," answers the poet ; " but you Greek philoso-
" pbers were the first that put her in there, and then c1;h lined so
"much merit to yourselves f(ir dra wins her out." The fir^t Greek
philosophers creatly obscured truth by their endless speculations,
and it was business enough for the industry and talents of their
successors to clear matters up.
t If truth is " time's daughter," yet Saturn, Xpdi'of, or Time,
may be never the kinder to her on that account. Forias pciets
feign thtit Saturn eats his sons, so he feeds upon liis daughters.
He devours truths as well as years, and buries them in obliviun.
t In all civil wars the order of things is subverted ; the poor
become rich, and the rich poor. And they who suddenly gain
riches njust in the next place be furnished with an honorable
pedi'.'ree. Many instances of this kind are preserved in Walk-
er's History of [ndependency. Bite's Lives of the Regicides, &c.
§ Averroes flourished in the twelfth century. He was a great
critic, lawyer, and physician ; and (Uie of the most subtle phi-
losophers that ever appeared among the Arabians. He wrote a
commentary upon .\ristotle, from whence he obtained the sur-
name of commentator. He mnch disliked the epicycles and
eccentrics which Ptolemy had introduced into his system ; they
seemed so absurd to him, that they gave him a disgust to the
science of astronomy in general. He does not seem to have
formed a more favorable opinion of astrology. Here likewise
was too mnch eccentricity : and he condemned the art as use-
less and fallacious, having no foundation of truth or certainty.
282 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
For who knows all that knowledge contains ?
Men tiwoll not on the tops of moinitains,
Bat on their sides, or risings seat ;
So 'tis witii knowledge's vast height.
Do not the hist'ries of all ages 685
Relate iniracnlous presages
or strange tnrns, in the world's affairs,
Foreseen b' astrologers, sooth-sayers,
Chaldeans, learned Genelhiiacs,*
And some tiiat have writ almanacs? 690
The Median einp'ror dream'd his daughter
Had pist all Asia under water,!
And that a vine, sprung from her haunches,
O'erspread his empire with its branches ;
And did not soothsayers expound it, 695
As after by th' event he found it ?
When CiEsar in the senate fell.
Did not the sun eclips'd foretell,!
And in resentment of his slaLighter,
Look'd pale for almost a year after? 700
Augustus having, b' oversight.
Put on his left shoe 'fore his right, §
Had like to have been slain that day,
By soldiers mutin'ing for pay.
Are there not inyriads of this sort, 705
Which stories of all times report?
Is it not ominous in all countries,
* Genethliaci, termed also Chaldasi, were soothsayers, who
unriertoi>k to foretell the forliines of men from circumstances at-
tending tlicir births. Castors of nativity.
t AslyaL'Ps, kirii; of Media, had this dream of his daughter
Mandane ; and heing alarmed at the interpretation of it which
was uiven by the mas;!, he married her to Candiyses, a Persian
of mean quility. Her son was Cyrus, who fnlrilicd the dream
by the conqiiesi of Asia, t^ee Herodotus, i. KIT, and .luslin.
t The prodigies wliich are said to have been noticed before
tlie death of Ca-sar, are menlioued by several of the classics,
Virgil, Ovid. rUu:\rcli, &c. lint tlie pnet alludes to wliat is re-
hitei^ by Pliny in his A'aiural Misiory, ii. :!0, •'liiint prodigiosi. et
"longiores soils <lefectus, (|ualis occiso Ca'sare dictatore, et An-
" toniano l>ello, totius |)ene anni p:illore conlinuo."
^ An excellent banter upon omens and prodigies. Pliny gives
this account in his second book : " Divus .Augustus la;vum pri>di-
"dit sibicalceiun priepostere indiictum, quo die sedilione miljtari
" prope adtlictus est." And .'^ueloiiius, in .August! Vita, sect. 'Ji5,
ssiys : •■ (.Augustus) au^picia (pucdam et oiiiina |;ro certissinds
"observabat, si mane sibi calceus perperam, ac sinister |in> dex-
" tro induceretur, ut ilirum." Charles the First is said to have
been much allc(-ted by some omens of this kind, such iis tlie
sorles Virgiliana;, observations on his bust made by Bernini, and
nn his dictate.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. - 283
no
When crows and ravens croak upon trees?
Tiie Roman senate, when within
The city walls an owl was seen,*
Did cause their clergy, with lustrations,
Our synod calls huiniliations.
The roniid-fac"d proditry t' avert,
From doing town or country hurt.
And if an owl have so much pow'r, 715
Why should not planets have much more,
That in a region far above
Inferior fowls of the air move,
And should see further, and foreknow
More than their augury below ? 720
Tho' that once serv"d the polity
Of mighty states to govern by ;t
And this is what we take in hand,
By pow'rful art, to understand ;
Which, how wc have perform'd, all ages 725
Can speak th" events of our presages.
Have we not lately in the inoon.
Found a new world, to th' old unknown ?
Discover'd sea and land, Columbus
And Magellan could never compass? 730
Made mountains with om* tubes appear,
And cattle orrazing on them there ?
Quoth Hudibras, You lie so ope,
That I, without a telescope.
Can find your tricks out, and descry 735
Where you tell truth, and where you lie :
For Anaxagoras long agone.
Saw hills, as well as you, i' th' moon,t
* Anno ante Christum 97, buhone in urbe viso, urbs lustrata.
Biibone in cipitnliu sujir i deoniiii siiiml:icra viso, cum piaretur,
tHunis vitlima exanimU concidit. Julius Obsequens, No. 4-1-45,
et Lycosthenes, pp. 1U4, 1U5.
t ll appears finm many passages of Cicero, and other authors,
that the determinations of the augurs, aruspices, and the sybil
line |](iol<s, were commonly contrived to promote the ends of
government, or to serve the purposes of the chief managers in
the ci'inmnnweallh.
+ See Burnet's .•\rchcroloe. cap. x. p. 144. Anaxagoras of
Clazomene, was the first of the Ionic philosopliers who main-
tained that the several parts of the universe were the works of
a supreme intelligent being, and consequently did not allow tlie
sun and moon to be gods. On this account he was accused of
impiety, and thrown into prison ; but released by Pericles. Plu-
tarch in Nicia : ".Are they not dreams of human vanity." says
Montaigne, "to make the moon a celestial earth, there to fancy
"mountains and vales as .\na.\agoras did." .And see Plutarch
de Placilis philosophoruui, Diog. Laert, and Plato de legibus. The
284 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
And held the sun was but a piece
Of red hot iron as big as Greece ;* 740
Believ'd tiie heav'ns were made of stone,
Because the sun had voided one ;1
And, rather than he would recant
Th' opinion, suffer'd banishment.
But wliat, alas ! is ft to us, 745
Whether i' th' moon, men thus or thus
Do eat their porridge, cut their corns,
Or whether they have tails or horns?
What trade from thence can you advance,
But what we nearer have from France ? 750
What can our travellers bring home,
That is not to be learnt at Rome ?
Wliat politics, or strange opinions,
That are not in our own dominions?
What science can be brought from thence, 755
In which we do not here commence ?
What revelations, or religions.
That are not in our native regions ?
Are sweating-lanterns, or screen-fans, t
pnet might priib:\lily hnvp Bishop Wilkins in view, who inain-
tiined that the moon was iin habitable world, and proposed
schemes for tlyinu ilicre.
Spea'iinfT of Anaxag.'iMs, Monsieur Chevreau says: "We
"may easily excuse the ill humour of one who was seldom of
" llie ( pinion of others : who maintained that snow was black,
"because it was made of water, which is black; who took the
"h'avens to be an aich of stone, wliii-h rolled about continual-
"ly; and the moon a piece of intiamed earth; and the sun
" (wbiili is iilh.iu -1:14 limes bigger tb:in the earth) for a plate of
"red-hot steel, of the bigness of Peloponnesus."
* [Ovroi cXiye tuv rjXiov jxv&pov ilvai iidnvpov, Kal fifi^oj rrji
UcXonoi'in'iauv. Diog. Laert. 1. ii. § 8.j
In Mr. lUi tier's Remains we read :
For th' ancients only took it for a piece
Of red hot iron, as big as Peloponese.
Rudis antiquilas, Homerum secuta, crelum credidit esse fer-
reum. Sed Ilomerus a coloris similitudine fcrreum dixit, non a
pondere.
t Anaxagoras had foretold that a large stone would fall from
heaven, and it wis supimseil atlerwirds lo have been found near
the river ^gos, Laert. ii. 10, and Plutarch in Lysandro, who dis-
cusses th" nntter.it lenL'th. Mr Costard exi)lains this prediction
to mean the approach of a comet; and we learn from the testi-
mony ol Aristotle, and others, that a comet appeared at that
juncture. Olymp. Ixxviii. '2. !see Aristot. Meteor. The fall of
the stone is recor<led in the Arundel marbles.
t These lanterns, as the poet calls them, were boxes, wherein
the whole body was placed, together with a lamp. They were
used, by qnacks, in the venereal disease, or to bring on perspira-
Canto m.] HIIDIBRAS. 285
Made better there than they're in France? 760
Or do they teach to sing and play
O' th' guitar tiiere a newer way ?
Can tiiey make plays there, that shall fit
The public hnmonr with less wit ?
Write wittier dances, quainter shows, 76o
Or fight with more ingenious blows?
Or does the man i' th' moon look big,
And wear a huger periwig.
Shew in his gait, or face, more tricks
Than our own native lunaticks ?* 770
But, if w' outdo him here at home,
What good of your design can come ?
As wind, i' th' liypocondres pent,t
Is but a blast, if downward sent ;
But if it upward chance to tly, 775
Becomes new liglit and prophecy ;t
So when our speculations tend
Above their just and useful end,
Altho' they promise strange and great
Discoveries of things far let, 780
They are but idle dreanis and fancies,
And savor strongly of tlie ganzas.§
lion. See Swift's \Vorl<s. vol. vi. Pethox the Great, v. 56.
Hiiwkpsvvnrlli's edition. Screen fans are used to slinde the
eyes from tlie fire, iind cnmnionly hang liy the side of the chim-
ney ; SDnioiinies hidies carried 'them alont; witlv them : tliey
we're made of leather, (ir paper, or fcalhfrs. I have a picture
of Miss Irelon, who married llicliard Walsh, nf Aliliciley, in
Worcestershire, with a curious feathered fan in her hand.
* 'I'hese and the fDicsninK lines were a satire upon the gait,
dress, and carriage (if the (nps and lieau.x of those days.
t In the helly, under the short ril)S. These lines are thus
turned into Latin hy Dr. Harmer:
Sic hypocondriacis inclusa meatihus aura
Desinet in crepitum, si fcrlur piona per alvtiiu ;
Seri si sumtna pelat, iiienlisiiue invaserit arcem
Divinus furor est, et conscia flainnia futuri.
X New li'iht was the phrase at that time for any new opinion
in relision, ai, I is frcf|UPntly alluded to hy our poet; the phrase,
I am told, prevails still in New Enih«id, as it does now in the
north of Ireland, where tlie dissenters are chiefly divi<led into
two sects, usually styled the old and the rew li;;hts. The old
lights are such as rijiidly adiiore to the old Calvinistic doctrine ;
and the new liL'hts are tiiosc wlio have adopted the more mod-
ern latitudinarian opinions: these are frequently averse and
hostile to each other, as their predecessors the Presbyterians and
Independents were in the time of l^utler.
§ Godwin, afterwards hishop of Hereford, ivrote in his youth
akindofastronomic.il romance, tinder the feitrned name of a
Spaniard, Domingo Gonzales, and entitled it the Man iu the
286 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
Tell me but what's the natural cause
Why on a sign no painter draws
The full moon ever, but the half? 785
Resolve that with your Jacob's staff;*
Or why wolves raise a hubbub at her,
And dogs howl when she shines in water ?
And I shall freely give my vote,
You may know something more remote. 790
At this, deep Sidrophel look'd wise,
And staring round with ovvl-liko eyes.
He put his face into a posture
Of sapience, and began to bluster:
For having three times shook his head 795
To stir his wit np, thus he said :
Art has no mortal enemies.
Next ignorance, but owls and geese :t
Those consecrated geese, in orders.
That to the capitol were warders,! 800
And being then upon patrol.
With noise alone iDeat off the Gaul ;
Or those Athenian sceptic owls.
That will not credit their own souls, §
Micin, or a Discourse on a Voyape thither. It trives an account
of his heing drawn up In the iiKiuii in a liizht vehicle, hy certain
birils cilled ganzas. And the liiiight censures the pretensions
(if Sidropliel, hy cntnparing Ihein with this wild expedition. Tlie
poet likewise might intend to banter some projects of the learned
Bishop Wilkins, one of the first promoters of the Royal Society.
.\t this institution and its favorers, many a writer of that day
has shot his bolt — lelum imbelle sine ictu.
* A mathematical instrument for taking the heights and dis-
tances of stars.
t " Kl quod vulgo aiunt, arteni non hahere inimicum nisi ig-
norantem." Sprat thought it necessary to write many pages to
show that natural jihilosophy was not likely to subvert our gov-
ernment, or our religiin : and Ihat experimenlal knowledge had
no tendency to make men either bad subjects or bad Clirislians.
Pee Sprat's History of the Royal Society.
I Our ancestors called the garrison (.f a castle or fortress its
warders; hence our word guardian. Lands lying near many of
the old castles were held by the tenure of castle ward, the pos-
sessors being obliged to find so niany men fio' the ward or guard
of the castle. This was afterwards comniuled into pecuniary
payments, with which the governors hired mercenary soldiers or
warders : the warders of the Towiy uf London still preserve the
old appellation.
§ Incredulous persons. He calls them owls on account of
their pretensions to great depth of learning, the owl being used
as an emblem of wisdom ; and .Athenian, because that bird was
sacred to Minerva, the protectress of Athens, and was borne on
the standards of the city. Heralds say, noctua signum est sapi-
entiae : for slie retires in the day, and avoids the tumult of the
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 287
Or any science understand, 805
Beyond the reach of eye or hand ;
But measuring all things by their own
Knowledge, hold nothing's to be known :
Those wholesale critics, that in cotFee-
HouSes cry down all philosophy, 810
And will not know upon what ground
In nature we our doctrine found,
Altho' with pregnant evidence
We can demonstrate it to sense,
As I just now have done to you, K15
Foretelling what you came to know.
Were the stars only made to light '
Robbers and burglarers by night ?*
To wait on drunkards, thieves, gold-fiuders,
And lovei-s solacing behind doors ? 820
Or giving one another pledges
Of matrimony under hedges ?
Or witches simpling, and on gibbets
Cutting from malefactors snippets ?t
Or from the pill'ry tips of eai-s 825
Of rebel-saints aud perjurers?
worUl. like a man employed in study and contemplation. Since
the (iwl, however, is usually cnn-tidered as a mopinji, drowsy
bird, the poet intimates tli.it the kn(i« led<ie iif these skeptics is
obscure, ciinfused. ;tnd indi-resied. The me;iniM!: of the whole
passage is this : — There are two sort.s of men who are creat ene-
mies to the advancement of science. The fir-t. bigoted divines,
up<in hearini' of any new discovery in nature, apprehend an at-
tack upon religion, and proclaim loudly tint the cnpitol. i. p. the
faith of the church, is in daniier. The others are self-sufficient
philosophers, who lay down artiitr.iry principles, and rejectevery
truth which does no! coincide with ihem.
* The jioets thou^'ht the stars were not made only to liiiht
robbers. See the beautiful address to Hesperus:
'KcfTTcpe, Tas iparSi XP'^'^^'^^ (pdoi ' A.(j>poyzvciai, &c.
Brunk. )?«£
oVK em axopav
"Epxc/Jit, 011^' Iva ivKTos bSoiTTopJovT^ ivox^'ioi^,
AAA' ipiiij), &c.
Binn. ii. ^92. Hriink. .A.n. vol. i. Mosch. Idyl. vii. ac
fording lo the Oxford edit, of Bion and Moschus.
E typ. Clar. 1748.
Sidrophel argues, that so many luminous bodies cnuld never
have boen i-onstruct^'d for the sole purpose of ;ilTl>rding a little
light, in the ab-ence of Ihe sun. Ilis reasoning does not con-
tribute nmcii to the support of astrology ; but it seems to favor
the notion of a plurality of worlds.
t Colleciini: herbs, and other requisites, for their enchant-
ments. See Shakspeare's Macbeth, Act. iv.
288 HUUIBRAS. [Partii
Only to stand by, and look on,
But not know what is said or done ?
Is there a constellation there
That was not born and bred up here?* 830
And therefore cannot be to learn
In any inferior concern?
Were they not, during all their lives,
Most of 'em pirates, whores, and thieves ?
And is it like Ihey have not still, 835
In their old practices, some skill ?
Is there a planet that by birth
Does not derive its house frem earth ?
And tlTerefore probably must know
What is, and hath been done below ? 840
Who made the Balance, or whence camo
The Bull, the Lion, and the Ram ?
Did not we here the Argo rig,
Make Berenice's periwig ?t
Whose liv'ry does the coachman wear ? 845
Or who made Cassiopeia's chair ?
And therefore, as they came from hence,
With us may hold intelligence.
Plato deny'd the world can be
Govern'd without geometry,! 850
For money b'ing the common scale
Of things by measure, weight and tale,
In all th' affairs of church and state,
'Tis both the balance and the weight :
Then much less can it be without 855
Divine astrology made out,
That puts the other down in worth,
As far as heaven's above earth.
* Astronomers, both ancient and modern, have divided the
heavens into certain fifiiires, representing animals and niher ob
jects. Eratosthenes, the scholiast on AnUus, and Julius Hy
ginus, mention the reasons whicli determined men to the choice
of these particular figures. See Sir Isaac Newton's Chronology
of the Greeks, p. 83.
t The constellation called coma Berenices. Berenice, the
wife of Ptolemy Euercetes, king of Egypt, in consequence oi a
vow, cut otl" and dedicated some of her iieauliful hair to Venus,
on the return of her husliand from a military expedition. And
Conon, the mathematician, paid her a handsome compliment, hy
forming the constellation ot' this name. Callimicbus wrote a
poem to celebrate her atfeclion and piety: a translation of it by
Catullus is still preserved in the works of that author.
t I'lato, ont of fondness for geometry, has employed it in all
his systems. He used to say that the Deity did yimficTpav,
play the geometrician ; that is, do every thing by weiglit and
measure.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 289
These reasons, qiiotli the Knight, I grant
Are somethhig more significant 800
Than any that the learned nse
Upon this subject to produce ;
And yet they're far from satisfactory,
T' establish and keep up your factory
Til' Egyptians say, the sun has twice* 864
Shifted liis setting and his rise ;
Twice has lie risen in the west,
As many times set in the east ;
But wliether that be true or no,
Tlie devil any of yon know. 870
Some hold, the heavens, like a top,
Are kept by circulation up.t
And were 't not for their wheeling round.
* The Epyplian priests infornied Herodnlus that, in Ihe sp-ice
of 11340 years, the sun had fnur times risen and set out of its
usu:tl course, risin;; twice where it now sets, and setlinu twice
where it now rises — cpOa n v5i/ Kara^vcrai, IvQzvtcv (5ij lirav-
Tti'XaC Koi 'iiBcv, &c. Herodotus, Euterpe, sen iil). ii. 142. A
learned pers<in supposes this account to he a corrupt tradition of
the miraculous stop, or recession of the sun, in the times of
Joshua and Hezekiah. Others suppose that what Ihe priests
liild him for a chriniical, was mistaken hy Herodotus for an as-
tronomical phenomenon : and that the particulars, which he has
recorded in the words hda and ivOarcv, related only to the time
of Ihe day or year, and not to the place or quarter of the heav-
ens. The Egyptian year consisted of no more than 300 days;
and therefore the day in their calendar, which was once llie
summer solstice, winild in 730 years become their winter solstice ;
and, in 14G1 year-, it would come to their summer solstice again.
This Censorinus tells us was really the case. So that the four
revolutions would happen in a nuich shorter time than the priests
had assigned for them. Dr. Long e.vplodes the whole for an idle
story, invented hy the Egyptians to support their vain pretensions
to antiquity; and fit lo pass only among persons who have no
knowledge of astronomy. Indeed no others would hclieve that
the cardinal points were entirely changed, or the rotation of the
earth inverted. See Spenser, Fairy Queen, h. v. c. i. stanz. 6,7
and 8, &c.
And if to those Egyptian wisards old
(Which in star-read were wont have hest insight)
Failh may lie given, it is by them told
That since the time they first tooke the Punnes hight,
Four times his place he sliiftcd hath in siuht.
And twice hath risen where he now doth west,
And wested twice where he ought rise aright.
t It is menlinned as the opinion of Ana.xagoras, that the whole
heaven, which was (•omposcd of stone, was kept up hy violent
circumrot ition, hut would fall when the rapidity of that motion
should be remiHed. Some do Anaxagoras the honor to sup[iose,
that this conceit of his gave Ihe first hint towards the modern
explication of the planetary motions.
13
2P0 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
They'd instantly fall to the ground :
As sage Einpedocjps of old, 875
And from him modern authors hold.
Plato believ'd the sun and moon
Below all other planets run.*
Some Mercury, some Venus seat
Above the Sun himself in height. 880
Tiie learned Scaliger complain'd
'Gainst what Copernicus maintai!i'd,t
Tliat in twelve hundred years, and odd,
Tiie Sun had left his ancient road,
Aud nearer to the Earth is come, 885
'Bove fifty thousand miles from home
Swore 'twa« a most notorious flam,
And he that had so little shame
To vent such fopperies abroad,
Deserv'd to have his rump well claw'd: 890
Which Monsieur Bodin hearing, swore.
That he deserv'd the rod much more,t:
That durst upon a truth give doom.
He kucw less than the pope of Rome.
Cardan believ'd great states depend 895
Upon tiie tip o' th' Bear's tail's end ;§
* Tlie kiiiaht further argues, that there can he no foundation
of trutli in astrology, since the learned ditfer so much aliout the
planets themselves, from which astrologers thietly draw their
piedicllons. " Plato soleui et luuam Cieteris planetis inferiores
esse putavit."
t Copernicus thouaht thtit the eccentricity nf the sun, or the
oljliquity of tlie ecliptic, had liecu diminished hy many paris
since the time-; of Ptolemy an<l Hippari:lui<. On which Scaliger
olxerved, Copernici scripta spongiis, vel autoreni sculicis dignuiii
— that the writings of Copernicus deserved a sponge, or their au
Ilior a rod.
t Bodin, an eminent geosrapher and lawyer, was born at An.
gers, in France, and died of the plague at Laon, I.WIi. aged (i7.
According to his opinion, it has been clearly proved hy Coperni-
CU-. Reinholdus, Stadias, and other famous mathematicians,
that tlie circle of the earth has approached nearer lo the sun
than it was formerly.
§ Car.lan, a famous physician of Milan, was born at Padua,
i.j()l. He conceived the inliuences of the several stars to he ap-
propriated to particular countries. Th(^ fate of the greatest king-
doms ill Europe, he said, was det^rniined by the tail of Ursa Ma-
jor. This greit asln^loirer foretold the time of his own death.
Bat when tlie appointed diy drew near, he found himself in per-
fect health, at the seventy-fifth yeir of his nse : and resolved to
starve himself, lest he should lirins! di<!rrace on his ftvorite sci-
ence. Thuaniis gives the character which Scaliger had drawn
of liim : in cert.iin things he appeared superior to human under-
standing, and in a great many olhers inferior to that of little chil-
dren. See Bayle's Dictionary, Art. Cardan.
Canto hi. J KuDIBRAS. 291
That as she vvhisk'd it t'wards the Sun,
Strow'a mighty empires up and down ;
Wiiich otliers say must needs be false,
Because your true bears have no tails. 900
Some say, the zodiac constellations
Have long since chang'd their antique stations*
Above a sign, and prove the same
In Taurus now, once in the Ram ;
Affirm'd the Trigons chopp'd and chang'd, 905
The wat'ry with the fiery rang'd ;t
Then how can their effects still hold
To be the same they were of old ?
This, though the art were true, would make
Our modern soothsayers mistake, t 910
And is one cause they tell more lies.
In figures and nativities.
Than th' old Chaldean conjurers.
In so many hundred thousand years ;§
Beside their nonsense in translating, 915
For want of accidence and latin ;
Like Idus and CalendcB englisht
The quarter days, by skilful linguist ;11
* The knight, still further to lessen the credit of astrology, ob-
serves that the stars have suffered a considerable variation of
their lonsitude by the precession of the equinoxes : for instance,
the first star of Aries, which in the time of Meton the Athenian
was found in the ver)' intersection of the ecliptic and equator, is
now removed eastward more than thirty degrees, so that the
sign Aries possesses the place of Taurus, Taurus that of Gem-
ini, and so on.
t The twelve signs in astrology are divided into four trigons,
or triplicities, each denominated from the con-natural element;
so they are three fiery, three airy, three watery, and three
earthly.
Fiery— Aries, Leo, Sagittarius.
Earthly— Taurus, Virgo, Capricornus.
Airy— Gemini, Libra, Aquarius.
Watery — Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces.
t See our poet's arguments put into prose by Dr. Bentley, in
the latter end of his third sermon at Boyle's lectures.
& The Chaldeans, as Cicero remarks, pretended to have been
in possession of astrological knowledge for the long space of
47,000 years. But Diodorus informs us that, in things belonging
to thei'r art, they calculate<l by lunar years of thirty days. By
this method, however, their account will reach to the creation,
if not to a more distant epoch. It is well known that Berosus,
or his scholars, new-modelled and adopted the Babylonian doc-
trines to the Grecian mythology.
II Mr. Smith, of Harleston, says this is a banter upon Sir Kicn-
ard Fanshawe's translation of Horace, Epod. ii. 69, 70.
Omnem relegit idibus pecuniam,
Q.uaerit calendis ponere.
293 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
And yet with canting, slight, and cheat,
'Twill servt! their turn to do the feat ; 020
Make fools believe in their foreseeing
Of things before they are in being ;
To swallow gudgeons ere they're catch'd.
And connt their chickens ere they're hatch'd ;
Make them the constellations prompt, 925
And give them back their own accompt ;
But still the best to him that gives
The best price fort, or best believes.
Some towns, some cities, some for brevity,
Have cast the 'versal world's nativity, 930
And made the infant stars confess,
Like fools or children, what they please.
Some calculate the hidden fates
Of monkeys, puppy-dogs, and cats ;
Some running-nags, and tighting-cocks, 935
Some love, trade, law-suits, and the pox :
Some take a measure of the lives
Of fathers, mothers, husbauds, wives,
Make opposition, trine, and quartile,
Tell who is barren, aud who fertile ; 940
As if the planet's first aspect
The tender infant did infect*
At Michajltiias calls all his monies in,
And at our Lady puts them out again.
The fifteenth day nf March, IShiy, July, and October, and the
thirteenth day of all other months, was called the ides. The
first day of every month was called the calends.
* The accent is h\id upon the last syllableof aspect, as it often
is in Shakspeare ; see Dr. Farmer's observations nn the learning
of Shakspeare, p. 27. Astrologers reckon five aspects of the
planets • conjunction, sextile, quartile trine, and opposition.
Sextile denotes iheir being distant from each otlier a sixth part
of a circle, or two signs ; quartile, a fourth part, or three signs ;
trine, a third part, or four signs ; opposition, half llie circle, or
directly opposite. It was the ojiinion of judicial astrologers, thai
whatever good disposition the infant might otherwise have been
endued with, yet if its birth was, by any accident, so accelerated
or retarded, that it fell in with the predominance of a malignant
constellation, this momentary influence would entirely change
its nature, and bias it to all contrary ill qualities. The ancients
had an opinion of the influence of the stars :
Scit Genius, natale conies qui temperat astrum.
Horat. Ep. lib. ii. Ep. ii. 1. 187.
There would be no end of quoting authors on this subject, such
as Menander and Plutarch among the Greeks ; and among the
Latins, Horace, Persius, Animianus Marcellinus, and Censorinus
de die natali.
Tke tender infant did infect — Thus in Une 931 :
And make the infant stars confess.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. S93
In soul and body, and instill
All future good and future ill ;
Which in their dark fatalities lurking, 945
At destined periods fall a working,
And break out, like the hidden seeds
Of long diseases, into deeds,
In friendships, enmities, and strife,
And all th' emergencies of life : 950
No sooner does he peep into
The world, but he liac- done his do,
Catch'd all diseases, took all physick,
That cures or kills a man that is sick ;
Marry'd his punctual dose of ;vives, 955
Is cuckolded, and breaks, or thrii'es.
There's but the twinkling of a stai"
Between a man of peace and war ;
A thief and justice, fool and knave,
A huffing ofF'cer and a slave ; 960
A crafty lawyer and pick-pocket,
A great philosopher and a blockhead ;
A formal preacher and a player,
A learn'd physician and man-slayer:*
As if men from the stars did suck 965
Old age, diseases, and ill luck,
Wit, folly, honour, virtue, vice,
Trade, travel, women, claps, and dice :
And draw, with the first air they breathe,
Battle, and murder, sudden death.t 970
Are not these fine commodities
To be imported from the skies.
And vended here among the rabble,
For staple goods, and warrantable ?
Like money by the Druids borrow'd, 975
In th' other world to be restor'd.t
* In the public opinion, perh;\p>, there is thought to be a coin-
cidence in these characters ; anil some of them, we inust own,
are more nearly allied than others. Tne author too, with his
usual |>leasantry, might be willing! to allow the resemblance in
a certain degree ; but^the scope of his argument requires him to
attribute to them distinct and opposite qualities; and in this
sense, no doubt, he meant seriously to be understood.
t This is one of the petitions in the Litany, which the dis-
senters objected to ; especially the words sudden death. See
Bennet's London Cases abridged, ch. iv. p. 100.
i That is, astrologers, by endeavoring to perstiade men that
the stars have dealt (ml to them their future fortunes, are guilty
of a similar fraud with the Druids, who borrowed money on a
promise of repaying it after death. Druida; pecuniam mutuo ac-
cipiebant, in posteriore viti reddituri. This practice among the
294 HUDIBKAS. [Part n.
Quoth Sidrophel, To let you know
You wrong the art and artists too,
Since arguments are lost on those
That do our principles oppose, 980
I will, altho' I've don't before,
Demonstrate to your sense once more,
■And draw a figure that shall tell you
What you, perhaps forgot befel you ;
By way of horary inspection,* 985
Which some account our worst erection.
With that, he circles draws, and squares.
Wjth cyphers, astral characters.
Then looks 'em o'er to understand 'em,
Altiio' set down habnab at random.t 990
Quoth he. This scheme of th' heavens set,
Discovers how in fight you met.
At Kingston, with a may-pole idol,t
And that y'were bang'd both back and side well ;
And the' you overcame the bear, 995
Druids was founded on their doctrine of the immortality of the
soul. Valerius Maximus says of the Gauls in general, Vetus
ille Gallorum mos — quos nienioria proditumest, pecunias niutuas,
qua' his apud inferos redderentur, dare solitos, quia persuasum
habuerunt, animas hominum immortales esse, ii. 6, 10. And
Mela says, Unuin ex lis qua; pra'cipiunt (Druides) in vulgus
effluxit — ajternas esse animas, — itaque cum inortuis cremant
ac defodiunt apta viventibus iilim. Negoliorum ratio etiam
et exactio creiiiti deferebatur ad Inferos, ii. 2. — Bonzes, in
tlie East Indies, are said to have been acquainted with this prac-
tice.
* The horoscope is the pointof the heavens which rises above
the eastern horizon, at any particular moment.
t Dr. Davies says habnab is a Welsh word, and signifies rash-
ly, at random. [Nares says, habbe or nabbe. Have or have not,
liit or miss, at a venture : quasi, have or 7i'ave, i. e. have not;
as Jti'll fur will not. "The citizens in their rage imagining that
every post in the churche had bin one of their souhlyers, shot
hatibe or nabbe, at random." Ilolinshed, Hist, of Ireland. F. 2,
col. 2.]
{ Mr. Butler alludes to the counterfeited second part of Hudi-
bras, publislied l(i()3. The first annotator gives us to understand,
that some silly interloper had broken in upon our author's de-
sign, and invented h second part of his book. In this spurious
production, the rencounters of Hudibras at Brentford, the trnns-
actlons of a mounteb;'.nk whom he met with, and probably these
adventures of the May-pole at Kingston, arc described at length.
Cervantes, the author of Don Ciuixote, met with the like treat-
ment, [from Alphonsus Fernandes de Avellaneda;] and vindica-
ted himself in the same manner, by making his knight declare
that he was no way concerned in those exploits which a new
historian had related of him. May-poles were held in abomina-
tion by the saints of our author's lime ; and many writers have
expressed their abhorrence of them with great acrimony.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 295
The dog^ beat you at Brentford fair ;
Where sturdy butchers broke your noddle,
And handled you like a fop-doodle.
Quoth Hudibras, I now perceive
You are no conj'rer, by your leave ; 1000
That paltry story is untrue,
And forg'd to cheat such gulls as you.
Not true ? quoth he ; howe'er you vapour,
I can what I affirm make appear ;
Whachum shall justify't to your face, 1005
And prove he was upon the place ;
He play'd the saltinbancho's part,*
Transform'd t' a Frenchman by my art ;
He stole your cloak, and pick'd your pocket,
Chous'd and caldes'd you like a blockhead,t
And what you lost I can produce,
If you deny it, here i' the house.
Quoth Hudibras, I do believe
That argument's demonstrative ;
Ralpho, bear witness, and go fetch us 1015
A constable to seize the wretches :
For tho' they're both false knaves and cheats,t
* Saltimbfinriue is a French word, signilying a quack or moun-
tebank. Perhaps it was originally Italian.
t Caldes'd is a word of tlie poet's own coining. Mr. Warbur-
ton thinks he took the hint from the Chaldeans, who were great
fortune-tellers. Others suppose it may be derived from the
Gothic, or old Teutonic, a language used by the Picls ; among
whom Caldees, or Keldeis, as Spotswood thinks, were the an-
cient ministers or priests, and so called because they lived in
cells. See Camden's account of the Orkney Isles. Pinkerton,
in his History of the Scots, p. 273, says, " the Calilees united in
" themselves the distinctions of monks and of secular clergy,
"being a[)pHrcntly, to the eleventh century, the only monks and
"clergy in Scotland, and all Irish." But perhaps we ought ra-
ther to look for this word in the vocabulary of gipsies and pick-
pockets, thun either among the Chaldeans, the Scots, or the
Irish. The signitiealion of H, in Butler's Remains, is the same
with trepanned. Vol. i. 24;
Asham'd that men so grava and wise
Should be chaldes'd by gnats and flies.
Mr. Butler's MS. Common-place book has the following lines:
He that with injury is griev'd,
And goes to law to be reliev'd,
Is like a silly rabble chouse.
Who, when a thief had robb'd his house,
Applies himself to cunning man
To help him to his goods agen.
X Though they arc false by their own confession, I will make
them true for another purpose.
296 HUDIBRAS. [Part it
Imposters, jugglers, counterfeits,
I'll make them serve for perpendic'lars,
As true as e'er were iis'd by bricklayers :* 1020
They're guilty, by tlieir own confessions,
Of felony, and at the sessions.
Upon the bench I will so handle 'em,
That the vibration of this pendulum
Shall make all tailors' yards of one 1025
Unanimous opinion :t
A thing he long has vapour'd of.
But now shall make it out by proof
Quoth Sidrophel, I do not doubt
To find friends that will bear me out ;} 1030
* i. e. swing them in a line, lil<e a briclilayer's level,
t Mr. Butler, in his own note on this passage, says : "The de
"vice of the vibration of a pendulum, was intended to settle a
"certain measure of ells, yards, &c., all the world over, which
"should have its foundation in nature. For by swinging a
" weight at the end of a string, and calculating liy the motion of
" the sun or any star, how long the vibration would last, in pro-
" portion to the length of the string and weight of the pendu-
" lum, they thought to reduce it back again, and from any part
"of tinie coin[)Ute the e.\act length of any string, that must
" necessarily vibrate for such a period of time, t^o that if a man
"should ask in China for a quarter of an hour of tatleta, they
" would know perfectly well what he meant : and the measure
" of things would be reckoned no more by the yard, foot, or inch :
" but by the hour, quarter, and minute." See his Remains by
Thyer, vol. i. p. 30 :
By which he had composed a pedlar's jargon,
For all the world to learn and use to bargain.
An universal canting idiom
To understand the swinging pendulum,
And to communicate in all designs
With th' Eastern viftuoso mandarines.
And Dr. Derham's e.xperiments concerning the vibration of a
penduluTn, in the Philosophical Transactions, vol. iii. No. 440, p.
201. The moderns, perhaps, will not be more successful in their
endeavors to establish an universal standard of weights and
measures.
[If the reader wishes to see tke use the nio.-lerns have made
of the pendulum, he luay refer to " An account of Experiments
" to determine the times of vibration of the Pendulum in difter-
"ent latitudes, by Captain Edward Sabine of the Royal Regi-
"ment of Artillery," in the Philosophical Transactions for the
year 1821 — to the volume for 1823 — and to the volume for 1827,
page 123, where he perhaps will find that at least the Captain is
not the man " by the long level of his repeating circle" to
make all tailors' yards of one
Unanimous opinion.]
{ William Lilly wrote and prophesied for the parliament, till
he perceived their influence decline. He then changed sides ;
but having declared himself rather too soon, he was taken into
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 297
Nor have I hazarded my art,
And neck, so long on tlie state's part,
To be exposed i' th' end to suffer
By such a braggadocio buffer.
Huffer, quoth Hudibras, this sword 1035
Shall down thy false throat cram that word ;
Ralpho, make haste, and call an officer,
To apprehend this Stygian sophister ;*
Mean while I'll hold 'em at a bay,
Lest he and Whachum run away. 1040
But Sidrophel, who from the aspect
Of Hudibras, did now erect
A figure worse portending far,
Than tiiat of most malignant star ;
Believ'd it now the fittest moment 1045
To shun the danger that might come ou't,
While Hudibras was all alone.
And he and Whachum, two to one :
This being resolv'd, he spy'd by chance,
Behind the door, an iron lance,t 1050
That many a sturdy limb had gor'd
And legs, and loins, and shoulders bor'd ;
He snatch'd it up, and made a pass,
To make his way thro' Hudibras.
Whachum had got a fire-fork, 1055
Witli which he vow'd to do his work ;
But Hudibras was well prepar'd.
And stoutly stood upon his guard :
He put by Sidrophello's thrust,
And in right manfully he rusht, 1060
The weapon from his gripe he wrung,
And laid him on the earth along.
Whachum his sea-coal prong threw by,
And basely turn'd his back to fly ;
But Hudibras gave him a twitch, 1065
As quick as lightning, in the breech.
Just in the place where hsnour's lodg'd,t
custody ; and escaped only, as he tells us himself, by the inter-
ference of friends, and by cancelling the offeniive leaf in his
almanac.
* i. e. hellish sophister.
t A spit for roasting meat.
t Mr. Butler in his speech made at the Rota, says, (Genuine
Remains, vol. i. p. 323 :) " Some are of opinion that honor is seat-
"ed in the rump only, chiefly at least: for it is observed, that a
" small kick on that part does more hurt and wound liouor than
" a cut on the head or face, or a stab, or a shot of a pistol, ou any
" other part of the body."
13*
298 HUDIBRAS. [Part n.
As wise philosophers have judg'd ;
Because a kick in that part more
Hurts honour, than deep wounds before. 1070
Quoth Hudibras, Tiie stars determine
You are my prisoners, base vermin,
Could they not tell you so, as well
As what I came to know, foretell ?
By this, what cheats you are, we find, 1075
That in your own concerns are blind.*
Your lives are now at my dispose,
To be redeem'd by fine or blows :
But who his honour would defile,
To take, or sell, two lives so vile ? lOc^O
I'll give you quarter ; but your pillage,
The conqu'ring warrior's crop and tillage,
Which with his sword lie reaps and plows,
That's mine, the law of arms allows.
This said in haste, in haste he fell 1085
To rummaging of Sidrophel.
First, ho expounded both his pockets.
And found a watch with rings and lockets,t
Which had been left with him t' erect
A figure for, and so detect. 1090
A copper-plate, with almanacks
Engrav'd upon't, with other knacksl
Of Booker's, Lilly's, Sarah Jimmer's,§
And blank-schemes to discover nimmers ;|1
* " Astrologers," says Agrippa, " while they gaze on the stars
"for direction, tiiU into ditches, wells, and goals" The crafty
Tiberius, not content witlt a promise of empire, examined the
astrologer concerning his own horoscope, intending to droun him
(in the least appearance of falsehood. But Thrasyllus was al-
ways too cunning for him : he answered the first time, " that he
''perceived himself at that instant to be in imminent danger ;"
and afterwards, " that he was destined to die just ten years
" before the emperor himself." Tacit. Ann. vi. 21. Dio Iviii. '27.
t To negotiate between the robber and the robbed, was cer
tainly the most profitable part of the astrologer's business.
I That is, marks or signs belonging to the astrologer's art : from
the Anglo-Saxon cnaj>an, to know, or understand. Knack often
signifies a bauble or plaything : a child's ball is called a knask.
The Glossarist on I/ouglas says : " We (the Scots) use the word
'• knack for a witty expression, or action : a knacky man, that is,
" a witty facetious man ; which may come from the Teutonic
"schnaike, facetias." The verb to knack, in Douglas, signifies to
mock.
$ John Booker was born at Manchester, and a great astrologer.
Lilly has frequently been mentioned. Sarah Jimmers, called,
by Lilly. Sarah Skilhorn, was a great speculatrix.
II TWeves : from the A. S. ninian, rap;;re, though it generally
signifies pickpockets, i)rivate stealers.
(^ANTO III.] HUDIBRAS. 299
A moon-dial, with Napier's bones,* 1095
And sev'ral constellation stones,
Engrav'd in planetary hours,
That over mortals had strange powers
To make them thrive in law or trade,
And stab or poison to evade ; 1100
In wit or wisdom to improve,
And be victorious in love.
Whachum had neither cross nor pile,t
His plunder was not worth the while ;
All which the conqu'ror did discompt, 1105
To pay for curing of his rump.
But Sidrophel, as full of tricks
As rota-men of politics, t
Straight cast about to over-reach
Th' unwary conqu'ror with a fetch, I'llO
And make him glad at least to quit
His victory, and fly the pit.
Before the secular prince of darkuess§
Arriv'd to seize upon his carcass :
And, as a fox with hot pursuit, || 1115
Chas'd through a warren, cast about
* Lord Napier of Scotland, was author of an invention for
casting up any sutns or numbers l)y little rods, wliicli bein;| made
of ivory, were called Napier's bones. He first discovered the use
of logarilliuis in trigonometry, and made it public in a work print-
ed at Edinburjjh, 1014; an instance of ingenuity which sliould
never be mentioned without a tribute of praise. His lordship
was one of the early members of the Royal Society before its
incorporation, which the poet takes frequent occasions to banter.
t [Money frequently bore a cross on one side, and the head of
a spear or arrow, pilum, on the other. Cross and pile were our
heads and tails. ''This I humbly conceive to be perfect boy's
play ; cross, I win, and pile, you lose." Swift.]
t Mr. James Harrington, sometime in the service of Charles I.,
drew up and printed a form of popular government, after the
king's death, entitled the Commonwealth of Oceana. He en
deavnred, likewise, to promote his scheme by public discourses, at
a nightly club of several curious gentlemen, Henry Nevil, Charles
Wolseley, John Wildinan, Doctor (afterwards Sir William) Petty,
who met in New Palace-yard, VVestminster. iMr. Henry Nevil
proposed to the liouse of commons, that a third part of its members
shoMld rote out by ballot every year, and be incai)able of re-elec-
iww ft)r three ye.irs to come. This club was called the Rota.
8wift, Contests in Athens and Rome, ch. v. p. 74, note.
^ The constable who governs and keeps tiie peace at night.
II Olaus Magnus has related many such stories of the fox's
cunning: his imitating the barking of a dog; feigning himself
dead : ridding himself of tleas, by going gradually into the water
with a lock of wool in his mouth, and when the Heas are driven
into it, leaving the wool in the water ; catching crab-fish with
his tail, which the author avers for truth on his own knowledge.
Ol. Mag. Hist. I. 18.
300 HUDIBRAS. [Part ii.
To save his credit, and among
Dead vermin on a gallows hung,
And while the dogs ran underneath
Escap'd, by counterfeiting death, 1120
Not out of cunning, but a train
Of atoms justling in his brain,*
As learn'd philosophers give out ;
So Sidrophello cast about,
And fell to's wonted trade again, 1125
To feign himself in earnest slain :t
First stretch'd out one leg, then anothei,
And, seeming in his breast to smother
A broken sigh, quoth he. Where am I?
Alive, or dead? or which way came I lloO
Thro' so immense a space so soon ?
But now I thought myself i' th' moon ;
And that a monster with huge whiskers,
More formidable than a Svvitzer's,
My body thro' and thro' had drill'd, 1135
And Whachum by my side had kill'd.
Had cross-examin'd both our hose,t
And plunder'd all we had to lose ;
Look, there he is, I see him now,
And feel the place I am run thro' : 1140
And there lies Whachum by my side.
Stone-dead, and in his own blood dy'd.
Oh ! oh ! with that he fetch'd a groan,
And fell again into a swoon ;
Shut both his eyes, and stopt his breath, 1145
And to the life out-acted death,
That Hudibras, to all appearing,
Believ'd him to be dead as herrinar.
* The ancient atomic philosophers, Deinocritus, Epicurus, &c.
held lliat sense in brutes, and cogitation and volition in men,
were produced hy impression of corporeal atoms on the brain.
Cartesius allowed no sense nor cogitation to brutes. He supposed
that sensitive principles were inunaterial as well as rational
ones, and therefore concluded that brutes could have no sense,
unless their sensitive souls were immaterial and immortal sub-
stances. Antonius Magnus, another Frenchman, published a
book near the Author's time, Decarentia sensus et cognitionis in
brutis. But the author perhaps meant to ridicule Sir Kenelin
Digby, who relates this story of the ti)\, and maintains that there
was no thought nor cunning, but merely a particular disposition
of atoms.
t The reader may recollect the very humorous circumstances
of Falstalf's counterfeited death. Shakspeare, First Part of
Henry IV. Act v.
t Trunk-hose with pockets to them.
Canto in.] HUDIBRAS. 301
He held it now no longer safe,
To tarry the return ol' Ralph, 1150
But rather leave him in the lurch :*
Thought he, he has abus'd our church,t
Refus'd to give himself one firk.
To carry on the public work,
Despis'd our synod-men like dirt, 1155
And made their discipline his sport ;
Divulg'd the secrets of their classes.
And their conventions prov'd high places ;t
Disparag'd their tithe-pigs, as pagan.
And set at nought their cheese and bacon ; 1160
Rail'd at their covenant, and jeer'd
Their rev'rend parsons, to my beard^;
For all which scandals, to be qirit
At once, this juncture falls out fit.
I'll make him henceforth, to beware, 1165
And tempt my fury if he dare :
He must, at least, hold up his hand,§
By twelve freeholders to be scann'd.
Who, by their skill in palmistry, ||
Will quickly read his destiny, 1170
And make him glad to read his lesson,
Or take a turn for't at the session :ir
* The different sects of dissenters left each other in the lurch,
whenever an opportunity offered of {trouioting a separate in-
terest.
t This and the followin}.' lines have been produced by some as
an arpunient to prove that the poem was enigmatical and figura-
tive ; but it only proves that Hudibras represents the Presbyteri-
ans, and Ralpho the Independents.
t That is, corruptions in discipline— ranl< popery and idolatry.
§ Culprits, when they are tried, hold up their hands at the
bar.
II From palma. Alluding to the method of telling fortunes by
inspection of lines in the palm of the hand.
ir That is, claim the benefit of clergy, or be hanged. Tom
Nash,* a writer ol' farces — [there are but three dramatic worl<s
• This Tom Nash should not be confounded with Thomas Nash, bairister,
of the Inner Temple, who is buried in that church, and has the followijig- in-
scription.
Depositum Thomae Nash j-enerosi honesta orti famiha in arro Vig-orniensi
viri charitaic humilitate eximii et mire mansueliGraice Latine Gallice el Italicc
apprime docli plurium (quos scripsit translulit elucidavil edidit) lihrornm au-
thoris jure ampleclandi interioris templi annos circiler 30 repagularia non bo-
lidi minus quant s)'nceri
Tho. Nash obiit 25°. Aujusti 1648.
1 have never seen any of his works, but am informed that the School of Po-
tentates, translated from the Latin, wilh observations, in octavo, 1643, was his,
and rhat he prohably wrote the I'ourfold discourse in quarto, 1632. He was a
zealous royalist, contrary to the sentiments of his two brothers ; the eldest a
country g-entleman in \Vorcestershire, of considerable estate, from whom the
(ditor is descended, was very active in supporting Ihe Parliament cattse, and
302 HUDIBRAS. [Part n
Unless his light and gifts prove truer
Than ever yet they did, rm sure ;
For if lie 'scape with whipping now, 1175
'Tis more than he can hope to do :
And that will disengage my conscience
Of th' obligation, in his own sense :
I'll make him now by force abide,
What lie by gentle means deny'd, 1180
To give my honour satisfaction,
And right the brethren in the action.
This being resolv'd, with equal speed,
And conduct, he approach'd his steed,
And with activity unwont, 1185
Essay'd the lofty beast to mount ;
of his, Dido a traRefly, and two comediesj — in Queen Elizabeth's
reign, who died before the year IGOfi, is supposed by Dr. Farmer
to satirize Shakspeare for want of learning, in the following
words: " I leave," saith he, "all these to the mercy of their
" mother-tongue, that feed on nought but the crumbs that fall
" from the translator's trencher, tliat could scarcely latinize their
"neck verse, if they should have neede.'" Dr, Lodge calls Nash
our true English Aretine : and John Taylor, the water poet,
makes an oath by " sweete satyriche Nash his urne :" his works,
in three volumes quarto, were printed IGOO, and purchased for
the Royal Library, at an auction in Whitehall, about the year
178.5, for thirty pounds.
[In the sale of Dr. Wright's Library in 1787, a collection (not
an edition) of his works, consisting of twenty-one pieces of vari-
ous dates, was sold for £12. Art ; see Dibdin's Bibliomania, p. 534 ;
but if it was bought for the King's Library there must be some
error in the Sale Catalogue in attributing all the Tracts to Nash,
as there are but ten under his name in the Catalogue of the
Royal Library.
As Dr. Nash has here indulged a natural vanity upon a sub-
ject more interesting to himself than to the reader of Hudibras,
a somewhat similar indulgence, in this edition, may perhaps be
pardoned when the incidental mention of the Royal Lilirary oc-
casions it. This truly regal library is now deposited in the Brit-
ish Museum. It was, ab initio, formed under the personal direc-
tion of His late Majesty George the Third, by Sir Frederick Bar-
nard, his librarian, and Mr. (Jeorsjc Nicol, his bookseller; and
remains an honorable proof of the king's liberal pursuit and love
of knowledge, and of the skilful industry of the men he so ju-
diciously employed in its collection.]
the government by Cromwell. The young-er brother commanded a troop of
horse in the parliament service, was member of p.irliamenl for the city of
Worcester, and an active juslice of peace under the Protector : the family quar-
rel on political accounts, and which was carried on wilh the greatest animosity,
and most earnest desire lo ruin each olher, toorether with ihe decline ol the
kind's aflhirs, and particularly the execution of his person, so affected the spir-
its of Mr. Thomas Nash, thal'he determined not \ong losnrvive il. The editor
hopes the reader will excuse this periautology and account of his jreat-ffrand-
fa:her, and liis two younger brothers:— he at this day feels the eflects of then
lamily quarrels and party zeal.
Canto m.l HUDIBRAS. 303
Which once atchiev'd, he spuir'd his palfry,
To get from th' enemy and Ralph free ;
Left danger, fears, and foes beliind.
And beat, at least three lengths, the wind.* 4 1190
* volucremque fuga prsvertitur Eurum.
agente nimbos
Ocyor Euio.
AN HEROICAL EPISTLE
OF
HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL.*
Ecce iteriim Crispinus.
Well, Sidrophel, tho' 'tis in vain
To tamper with your crazy brain,
Without trepanning of your skull,t
As often as the moon's at full,
'Tis not amiss, ere ye 're giv'n o'er, 5
To try one desp'rate med'cine more ;
For where your case can be no worse,
The desp'rat'st is the wisest course.
Is't possible that you, whose ears
Are of the tribe of Issachars,t lo
* This Epistle was not published till many years after the
preceding canto, and has no relation to the character there de-
scribed. Sidrophel, in the poem, is a knavish fortune-teller,
whose isnoi-ance is compensated by a large share of cunning. In
the Epistle he is ignorant indeed, but the defect is made up by
conceitedness, assurance, and a solemn exterior. It should seem
that Mr. Butler had received an aflVont or injury from some per
son of moderate abilities, who had obtained, notwithstanding, a
respectable situation, and stood high in the opinion of the world ■
and that he addressed the offending party by the title of Sidro-
phel, because he had already applied this name lo a vain pre-
tender to science, and had already made it contemptible. The
style is serious, the remarks are pointed and severe ; and he
author does not hold up the character here in his usual way, as
an object of ridicule, but gravely upbraids the man as a credu-
lous assuming liar, in a manner that more resembles the acrimo-
ny of Juvenal, than the delicacy of Horace. I could wish that
this Epistle had been consigned to oblivion, or else published
in some other part of his works. But it has appeared so long
in this place, that I have not thought myself at liberty to re-
ject it. •'
t A chinirgical operation to remove part of the skull, when it
presses upon the brain. It is said to have restored the under-
standing, and was proposed as a remedy for the disorder with
which Dean Swift was afflicted.
t Alluding to Genesis xlix. 14 : " Issachar is a strong ass."
HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL. 305
And might, with equal reason, either
For merit, or extent of leather.
With William Pryn's, before they were
Retreuch'd, and crucify'd, compare,
Shou'd yet be deaf against a noise 15
So roaring as the public voice ?
That speaks your virtues free and loud,
And openly in ev'ry crowd,
As loud as one that sings his part
T' a wheel-barrow, or turnip-cart, 20
Or your new nick-nam'd old invention
To cry green-hastings with an engine ;*
As if the vehemence had stunn'd,
And torn your drum-heads with the sound ;t
And 'cause your folly's now no news, 25
But overgrown, and out of use,
Persuade yourself there's no such matter,!
But that 'lis vanish'd out of natiu-e ;
When folly, as it grows in years.
The more extravagant appears ; 30
For who but you could be possest
With so much ignorance and beast,
That neither all men's scorn and hate,
Nor being laugh'd and pointed at,
Nor bray'd so often in a mortar,§ 35
* Green-hastings was a well-known apple formerly, thou-;!!
not mentioned in Philips's Cider : winter-hastings is a well-
known pear. Dust-men and news-carriers in London sound a
trumpet or ring a bell, to avoid a continual exertion of the voice.
Way not this passage point at the improvement of the speaking-
trumpet newly invented by Sir Samuel Morland 1
[Hastings, from hasty. Peas that come early. See Todd's
Johnson, where this passage is quoted. The London crier uses
it only for peas.]
t Drum-heads, that is, the drum of your ears.
i 1. e. is it possible that you should persuade yourself.
^ Bray'd, from the Sa.xon word bjracan, to pound or grind.
"Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat
" with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him."
Prov. xxvii. 22. .^na.xarchus was pounded in a mortar by order
of Nicocreon, tyrant of Cyprus:
Aut ut Anaxarchus pillil minuaris in alti
Jactaquc pro solitis frugibus ossa sonent.
Ovid, in Ibin. 571.
Some of the primitive martyrs were ground in mills ; as Victor
of Marseilles, under Ma.ximian. " Martyreni toto niox corpore
"rotatu celeri conterendum pistoriffi moli supponunt : Tiiiicelec-
"tum Dei frumentum sine miseratione conterilur." Passio Vic-
toris Massiliensis, a pud Cobjmesii opera, p. 729. St. Ignatius,
perhaps, alludes to this species of punishment in his Epistles to
the Romans, ch. iv. : alrdi d^u dtov Kal 61 6S5vt(j)v ^ijpluiv a^ij-
306 HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL.
Can teach you wholesome sense and nurture,
But, Ifke a reprobate, what course
Soever us'd, grow worse and worse ? •
Can no transfusion of the blood.
That makes fools cattle, do you good?* 40
Nor putting pigs to a bitch to nurse,
To turn them into mongrel curs :t
Put you into a way, at least,
To make yourself a better beast ?
Can all your critical intrigues, ^ 4a
Of trying sound from rotten eggs ;t
Your sev'ral new-fouud remedies.
Of curing wounds and scabs in trees ;
Your arts of fluxing them for claps.
And purging their infected saps ; 50
Qofiai^ 'iva Kadapos apros evpedia t.ov 'Xpiarov. Again, aXtjafiol
bXov Tov aiijiaToi. ibid. And I have little doubt but llie wurds
Apraiioiv aXricruoi, in Eunapius's Life of Maximum, p. 83, (icnev.
ed., which have given the critics so much trouble, relate to a
similar act of cruelty.
JVarture here means breedin;;, or good manners. Thus Chau
car in his Reves Tale, line 39G5 :
What for hire kinrede, and hire nortelrie,
Tliat she liad lerned in the nonnerie.
* In the last century several persons thought it worth their
while to transfuse the blood of one living creature into the veins
of another ; and, if we may believe their account, the operation
had good effects. It has even been performed on human sub-
jects. Dr. Mackenzie has described the process in his History
of Health, p. 431. 'He seems to think that the transfusion of
blood had not a fair trial, and that the experiments might have
been pushed farther. Dr. Lower and others countenanced this
practice. Sir Edmunil King, a fiivorite of Charles II., was among
the philosophers of his time, who made the famous experiment
of transfusing the blood of one animal into another. See Phil.
Trans, abr. iii. 224, and the additions and corrections to Pennant's
London. His picture is in the College of Physicians. Shadwell
ridicules this practice in his Virtuoso, where Sir Nicholas Gim-
crack relates some experiments of this transfusion and their ef-
fects. The lines from v. 39 to 59, allude to various projects of
the first establishers of the Royal Society. See Birch's history
of that body, vol. i. 3U3 ; vol. ii. 48, 50, 54, 115, 117, 123, 125, 1(51,
312. See also Ward's Gresham Professors, pp. 101, 273. That
maUcs fools cattle, i. e. more valuable at least than they were
before ; or perhaps makes them greater fools than they were
belbre.
t As a note on these lines, a curious story from Giraldus Cam-
brensis, of a sow that was suckled by a bitch, and acquired the
sagacity of a hound or spaniel. See Butler's Remains, vol
i. p. 12.
I On the first establishment of the Royal Society, some of the .
members engaged in the investigation of these and similar sub-
jects. The society was incorporated July 15, 16C2.
HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL. 307
Recovering shankers, crystallines,
And nodes and blotches in their reins,
Have no effect to operate
Upon that duller block, your pate ?
But still it must be lewdly bent 55
To tempt your own due punishment ;
And, like your whimsy'd chariots,* draw
The boys to course you without law ;t
As if the art you have so long
Profess'd, of making old dogs young.t 60
In you had virtue to renew
Not only youth, but childhood too :
Can you, that understand all books,
By judging only with your looks.
Resolve all problems with your face, 65
As others do with B"s and A's ;
Unriddle all that mankind knows
With solid bending of your brows ?
All arts and sciences advance.
With screwing of your countenance, 70
And with a penetrating eye.
Into th' abstrusest learning pry ;
Know more of any trade b' a hint,
Than those that have been bred up iu't,§
And yet have no art, true or false, 75
To help your own bad naturals 1
But still the more you strive t' appear.
Are found to be the wretcheder :
For fools are known by looking wise,
* I know not the scheme proposed by the society, perhaps the
chariot to go with legs instead of wheels, as mentioned Ijefore ;
or perliaps they might h(ipe to introduce the fonious chariot of
Stevinus, which was moved liy sails, and carried twenty-eight
passengers, among whom were prince Maurice, Buzanval, and
Grolins, over the sands of Scheveling, fourteen Dutch miles, in
two hours, as Grotius himself affirms.
t That is, to follow you close at the heels: to give law
among sportsmen is to let the creature that is to be hunted run
a considerable way before the dogs are suffered to pursue. — See
Remains.
± See Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. ii. 188. His want of
judsment inclines him naturally to the most extravagant under-
takings, like that of " making old dogs young ; stopping up of
words in bottles," &c.
^ Printing was invented by a soldier, gunpowder by a monk,
and several branches of the clothing trade by a bishop : this is
said agreeably to the vulgar notion concerning Bishop Blaze, the
patron saint of the wool-combers. But he obtained that honor,
not on account of any improvements he made in the trade, but
because he suffered martyrdom by having his flesh torn by card
ing-irons. See the Marlyrology for the third of February.
308 HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL.
As men find woodcocks by their eyes. 80
Hence 'tis because ye 've gained o' th' college*
A quarter share, at most, of knowledge,
And brougiit in none, but spent repute,
Y' assume a pow'r as absolute
To judge, and censure, and control!, 85
As if you were the sole sir Poll,
And saucily pretend to know
More than your dividend comes to :
You'll find the thing will not be done
With ignorance and face alone ; 90
No, tho' ye 've purchas'd to your name,
In history, so great a fanao ;t
That now your talent's so well-known,
For having all belief out-grown,
That ev'ry strange prodigious tale 95
Is measur'd by your German scale,|
By which the virtuosi try
The magnitude of ev'ry lie.
Cast up to what it does amount,
* Though the Royal Society removed from Gresham College
on account of the lire of IjOiidon, it returned there again, 1674,
beinjr the year in which this Epistle was piiblislied.
t I am inclined to think that the charactcrof Sidrophel, in this
Epistle, was designed rather for Sir Paul JVeile than for Lilly, or
perhaps has some strokes at both of them, notwithstanding Dr.
Grey's thinking that "these two lines plainly discover that Liilly
" (and not Sir Paul Neal) was lashed under the name of Sidro-
" phel ; for Lilly's fame abroad was indisputable." The poet
seems to allude to Sir Paul in the eighty-sixth line, as he had
before done to Sir Samuel Luke. Sir Paul had oflisnded Mr. But-
ler by saying that he was not the author of Hudibras ; or per-
haps Sir Poll here might allude to Sir Politick Would-be in Ben
Jonson's Volpone. In history, some historians as well as trav-
ellers have been famous for telling wonderful lies or stories; or,
perhaps, a glance might be here intended at Sprat's History of
the Royal Society. Mr. Thyer, in Butler's Remains, says " he
" can assure the reader, upon the poet's own authority, that the
"character of Sidrophel was intended for a picture of Sir Paul
" Neile, who was son of Richard Neile, (whose father was a
"chandler in ^Veslminster,) who, as Anthony Wood says, went
" through all degrees and orders in the church, schoolmaster, cti-
" rate, vicar, &c. &c. and at last was archbishop of York." Sir
Paul was one of the first establishers of the Royal Society:
which society, in the dawn of science, listening to many things
that appeared trifling and incredible to the generality of the peo
pie, became the butt and sport of the wits of the times. Browne
Willis, in his Survey of York Cathedral, says, that archbishop
Neile left his son Sir Paul IS'eile executor, whom, though he left
rich, (as he did his wife 'iOt)L a year for her life,) yet he soon run
it out, without atliirding his father a gravestone.
t All incredible stones are now measured by your standard.
One German mile is equal to four miles English or Italian.
HUDIBRAS TO SIDROPHEL. 309
And place the bigg'st to your account ; 100
That all those stories that are laid
Too truly to yon, and those made.
Are now still charg'd upon your score,
And lesser authors nam'd no more.
Alas! that faculty betrays 105
Those soonest it designs to raise ;
And all your vain renown will spoil,
As guns o'ercharg'd the more recoil ;
Though he that has but impudence.
To all things has a fair pretence ; 110
And put among his wants but shame.
To all the world may lay his claim :
Tho' you have tried that nothing's borne
With greater ease than public scorn,
That all affronts do still give place 115
To your impenetrable face ;
That makes your way thro' all affairs,
As pigs thro' hedges creep with theirs ;
Yet as 'tis counterfeit and brass.
You must not think 'twill always pass ; 120
For all impostors, when they're known.
Are past their labour, and undone:
And all the best that can befal
An artificial natural,
Is that which madmen find, as soon 125
As once they've broke loose from the moon,
And proof against her influence,
Relapse to e'er so little sense,
To tarn stark fools, and subjects fit
For sport of boys, and rabble- wit. 13(1
PART III. CANTO I.
THE ARGUMENT.
Tub Knight and Squire resolve at once.
The one the other to renounce ;
They both approach the Lady"s bower,
The Squire t' inform, the Knight to woo hor
She treats them with a masquerade,
By furies and hobgoblins made ;
From which the Squire conveys the Knight,
And steals liim from himself by night.
HUDIBRAS
PART III. CANTO I.
'Tis true, no lover lias that pow'r
T' enforce a desperate amour,
As he that has two strings to's bow,
And burns for love and money too ;
For tlien he's brave and resolute, 5
Disdains to render in his suit ;*
Has all his flames and raptures double,
And liangs or drowns with half the trouble :
While those who sillily pursue
The simple downright way, and true, 10
Make as unlucky applications.
And steer against the stream their passions.
Some forge their mistresses of stars,
And when the ladies prove averse,
And more untoward to be won 15
Than by Caligula the moon,t
Cry out upon the stars for doing
111 offices, to cross their wooing,
When only by themselves they're hindred,
For trusting those they made her kindred,t 20
And still the harsher and hide-bounder.
The damsels prove, become the fonder ;
* That is surrender, or give up : from the French.
t This w:is one iiC the extravauunt follies of Calijula: " Caius
noctihus quidein plenain fiiljjeiitenique liiniim invilabat assidue
ui ainplc.Mis, atqiie contubitum." Suetonius, in vita C. Calig
sect. 2-.
± The ineanin!; is, that when men have flattered their mis-
tresses extravagantly, and declared tlicm to lie possessed of ac-
coiiiplishiiients mure tiian luiiiian ; tliey must not be surprised
if they are treated in return w ith that distant reserve wliich be-
ings of a superior order may rlglitly exercise toward inferior dc-
pelulent creatures : nor have they room fur complaint, since the
injury which they sustain is an eflect of their own indiscretion.
312 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
For what mad lover ever dy'd
To gain a soft and gentle bride ?
Or for a lady tender-hearted, 25
In purling streams or hemp departed?
Leap'd headlong int' Elysium,
Thro' th' windows of a dazzling room ?*
But for some cross ill-natur'd dame,
The am'rous fly burnt in his flame. 30
This to the Knight could be no news,
With all mankind so much in use ;
Who therefore took the wiser course,
To make the most of his amours,
Resolv'd to try all sorts of ways, 35
As follows in due time and place.
No sooner was tlie bloody fight
Between the wizard and the knight,
With all th' appurtenances over.
But he relaps'd again t' a lover ; 40
As he was always wont to do,
When he 'ad discomfited a foe,
And us'd the only antique philters,
Deriv'd from old heroic tilters.t
But now triumphant and victorious, 45
He held th' atchievement was too glorious
For such a conqueror to meddle
With petty constable or beadle ;
Or fly for refuge to the hostess
Of th' inns of court and chanc'ry, justice ; 50
Who might, perhaps, reduce his cause
To th' ordeal trial of the laws ;|
* Drowned themselves. Objects reflected by water appear
nearly the same as when they are viewed throu'jh a window,
or through the windows of a room so high I'rom the ground that
it dazzles one to look down iVom it. Thus .Tuvenal, Sat. vi. v.
31. Altae callgantesf|ue fenestra;: which Ilolyilay translates,
dazzling high windows. 'HXar'd0' hr^tiyov rdx^oi eh 'AW>;i<,
Callimachus, Ep. 20, where ^Kiirjv docs not mean hell, but the
place of departed souls, comprehending both Elysium and Tar
tarus.
t The heroes of romance endeavored to conciliate the aflec-
tions of their mistresses by the lame of their illustrious exploits.
So was Desdenmna won. Shakspeare's Othello, Act i.
"She loved me for the dangers 1 had past."
X Ordeal comes from the Anglo-Saxon ojibal, which is also
derived from the Teutonic, and signifies judgment. The meth-
ods of trial by fire, water, or combat, were in use till the time of
Henry III., and the right of exercising them was annexed to seve-
ral lordships or manors. At this day, when a culprit is arraigned
at the bar, and asked how he will be tried, he is directed to an-
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 313
Where none escape, but such as branded,
With red-hot irons, liave past bare-handed ;
And if tiiey cannot read one verse 55
I' til' psalms, must sing it, and that's worse.*
He, therefore, judging it below him,
To tempt a sliamo the dev'l might owe him,
Resolv'd to leave the Squire for bail
And mainprize for him, to the jail, 00
To answer, with his vessel, allt
That migiit disastrouslj' befall.
He thought it now the fittest juncture
To give the Lady a rencounter ;
T' acquaint her with his expedition, 65
And conquest o'er the fierce magician ;
Describe the manner of the fray.
And shew the spoils lie brought away ;
His bloody scourging aggravate.
The number of the blows and weight : 70
All which might probably succeed.
And gain belief he 'ad done the deed :
Which he resolv'd t' enforce and spare
No pawning of his soul to swear ;
But, ratiier than produce his back, 75
To set Ills conscience on the rack ;
And, in pursuance of his urging
Of articles perform'd, and scourging,
And all things else, upon his part.
Demand delivery ot her heart, 80
Her goods and chattels, and good graces,
And person, up to his embraces.
Thought he, the ancient errant knights
Won all their ladies' hearts in fights,
And cut whole giants into fitters,t 85
swer, " by God and my country," by the verdict or solemn opin-
ion of a jury. " By Gnd" only, would formerly have meant the
ordeal, which referred the case immediately to the divine judg-
ment.
* When persons claimed the benefit of clergy, they were re-
quired to read a verse in the Bible, generally in the Psalms. It
was usual, too, for the clerg>'man who attended an execution, to
give out a j)salm to be sung. So that the common people said,
if they could not read their neck verse at sessions, they must
sing it at the gallows.
t In this term the saints unwittingly concurred with the grave
old philosophers, who termed the body tjKwoi.
t Some editions read fritters ; but the corrected one of J678
YidiS fitters, a phrase often used by romance writers, very frequent-
ly by the author of the Romant of Romants. Our author joins
14
314 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
To put them into am'rous twitters ;
Whose stubborn bowels scorn'd to yield,
Until their gallants were lialf klH'd ;
But when their bones were drubb'd so sore,
They durst not woo one combat more, 90
The ladies' hearts began to melt,
Subdu'd by blows their lovers felt.
So Spanish heroes, with their lances,
At once wound bulls and ladies' fancies ;*
And he acquires the noblest spouse 95
That widows greatest herds of cows ;
Then wliat may I expect to do.
Who 've quelled so vast a buffalo ?
Meanwhile the Squire was on his way.
The Knight's late orders to obey ; .00
Who sent him for a strong detachment
Of beadles, constables and watchmen,
T' attack the cunning man for plunder
Committed falsely on his lumber ;
When he, who had so lately sack'd 105
The enemy, had done the fact,
Had rifled all his pokes and fobs
Of gimcracks, whims, and jiggumbobs.
Which he by hook or crook had gather'd,
And for his own inventions father'd : 110
And when they should, at jail-delivery.
Unriddle one another's thievery,
Both might have evidence enough
To render neither halter-proof t
He thought it desperate to tarry, 115
And venture to be accessory ;
But rather wisely slip his fetters.
And leave them for the Knight, his betters.
He call'd to mind th' unjust foul play
He would have olFer'd him that day, 120
with Cervantes in l)iirlesqiiing the sul>jects and style of roman-
ces. [Fitters, small fragments, from fetta, Ital. fetzen, Germ.
They look and see the stones, the words, and letters,
All cut and mangled, in a thousand. ^t2er«.
Harrington's Ariosto, xxiv. 40.
* The bull-feasts at Madrid have been frequently described.
The ladies take a zealous part at these combats.
t The mutual accusations of the knight and Sidrophel, if es-
tablished, might hang both of them. Haltcr-proof is to be in no
danger from a halter, as musket-proof in no danger from a mus-
ket : to render neither halter-proof is to render both in danger of
being hanged.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 315
To make him curry his own hide,
Which no beast ever did beside,
Without all possible evasion,
But of the riding dispensation :*
And therefore, much about the hour 125
The Knight, for reason told before,
Resolv'd to leave him to the fury
Of justice, and an unpack'd jury,
The Squire concurr'd to abandon him.
And serve him in the self-same trim ;+ 130
T' acquaint the Lady vi^hiit h' had done,
And what he meant to carry on ;
What project 't was he went about.
When Sidrophel and he fell out ;
His firm and stedfast resolution, 135
To swear her to an execution ;t
To pawn his inward ears to marry her,§
And bribe the devil himself to carry her.
In which both dealt, as if they meant
Their party saints to represent, 140
Who never fail'd, upon their sharing
In any prosperous arms-bearing.
To lay themselves out to supplant
Each other cousin-german saint.
But ere the Knight could do his part, 145
The Squire had got so much the start,
He 'ad to the lady done his errand.
And told her all his tricks aforehand.
* Ralpho considers that he should not have escaped the whip-
ping intended for him by the knight, if their dispute had not
been interrupted by the riding-shew, or skimniington.
t The author has long had an eye to the selfishness and
treachery of the leading parties, the Presbyterians and Inde-
pendents. A few lines below he speaks more plainly :
In which both dealt as if they meant
Their party saints to represent,
Who never fail'd, upon their sharing
In any prosperous arms-bearing.
To lay themselves out to supplant
Each other cousin-german saint.
The reader will remember that Hudibras represents the Pres-
byterians, and Ralpho the Independents: this scene therefore
alludes to the manner in which the latter supplanted the former
in the civil war.
i To swear he had undergone the stipulated whipping, and
then demand the performance of her part of the bargain.
§ His honor and conscience, which might forfeit some of theif
immunities by perjury, as the outward ears do for the same crime
in the sentence of tlie statute law.
Ylfl' '
#
316 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
Just as he finish'd his report,
The Knight ahghted in the court, 150
And having ty'd his beast t' a pale,
And taking time for both to stale.
He put his band and beard in order,
The sprucer to accost and board her :*
And now began t' approach the door, 155
When she, wh' had spy'd him out before,
Convey'd th' informer out of sight.
And went to entertain the Knight :
With whom encountering, after longeest
Of humble and submissive congees, 160
And all due ceremonies paid.
He strok'd his beard and thus he said :t
Madam, I do, as is my duty.
Honour the shadow of your shoe-tie ;§
And now am come, to bring your eai 165
A present you'll be glad to hear ;
At least I hope so : the thing's done.
Or may I never see the sun ;
For which I humbly now demand
Performance at your gentle hand ; 170
And that you'd please to do your part,
As I have done mine to my smart.
* Thus Polonius :
Away, I do beseech you, both away ;
I'll board him presently. — O, give me leave. —
How does my good lord Hamlet 1
t That is, after darting himself forward, as fencers do when
they make a thrust.
+ Nee tamen ante adiit, etsi properabat adire,
Quam SB composuit, quam circunispe.xit amictus,
Et fin.xit vultuni, et meruit forniosa videri ;
Tunc sic orsa loqui. Ovid. Metam. 1. iv. 1. 317.
Thus Cleveland, in his poem on the Mixed Assembly, p. 43:
That Isaac might go stroke his beard, and sit
Judge of tU aiov and elegerit.
In Sir Philip Sidney's Arcadia, lib. iii. p. 349. " And now.
" being come within compass of discerning her, he began to
"frame the loveliest countenance that he could ; stroking up his
" legs, setting up his beard in due order, and standing bolt up-
" right."
$ [Mr. Todd finds this rhyme used before by Crashaw, in his
Delights of the Muses, published in 1646:
I wish her beauty,
That owes not all its duty
To gaudy tire, or glistering shoe-ty.]
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 317
With that he. shrugg'd his sturdy back,
As if he felt his shoulders ake :
But she, who well enough knew what, 175
Before he spoke, he would be at.
Pretended not to apprehend
The mystery of what he meau'd,
And therefore wish'd him to expound
His dark expressions less profound. 180
Madam, quoth he, I come to prove
How much I've sufFer'd for your love.
Which, like your votarj', to win,
I have not spard my tatter'd skin ;*
And, for those meritorious lashes, 135
To claim your favour and good graces.
Quoth she, I do remember oucet
I freed you from fir enchanted sconce ;t
And that you promised, for that favour.
To bind your back to th' good behaviour,^ 190
And for my sake and service, vow'd
To lav upon 't a licavy load,
And what 't would bear to a scruple prove,
As otiier knights do oft' make love.
Which, whether you have done or no, 195
Concerns yourself, not me, to know ;
But if you have, I shall confess,
Y' are honester than I could guess.
Quoth he. If you suspect my troth,
I cannot prove it but by oath ; 20U
And, if you make a question on't,
I'll pawn my soul that I have don't :
And he that makes his soul his surety,
I think does give the best security.
Quoth she, Some say the soul's secure 205
Against distress and forfeiture ;
Is free from action, and exempt
From execution and contempt ;
And to be summon'd to appear
In th' other world's illegal here,|| 210
* Roman Catholics used to scourge themselves before the
image of a favorite saint.
t The ladv here vvilli affected drollery says once, as if the
event had happened some time before, though in reality it was
only the preccdinj: day.
+ From the stocks.
§ It should seem a better reading would be, as in the later
editions.
To bind your back to 'ts good behaviour.
U Alluding to the famous story of Peter and John de Carva-
318 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
And therefore few make any account,
Int' what incumbrances they run't :
For most men carry things so even
Between this world, and hell, and heaven,*
Without the least offence to either, 215
They freely deal in all together,
And equally abhor to quit ,
This world for both, or both for ii : /
And when they pawn and damn their soulsV
They are but pris'ners on paroles. 220
For that, quoth he, 'tis rational,
They may be accountable in all :t
For wiieu there is that intercourse
Between divine and human pow'rs.
That all that we determine here 225
Commands obedience ev'ry where ;t
When penalties may be commuted^
For fines, or ears, and executed,
It follows, nothing binds so fast
As souls in pawn and mortgage past: 230
For oaths are the only tests and scales
Of rigiit and wrong, and true and false;
And there's no other way to try
The doubts of law and justice by.
Quoth she, What is it you would swear? 235
There's no believing till I hear :
For, 'till they're understood, all tales,
Like nonsense, are not true nor false.
j;il, who, beinj; unjustly condemned for murder, and taken for
execution, sumnioned the king, Ferdinand the Fourth of gpnin,
tn appear before God's tribunal in thirty days. The king laughed
at the summons ; but, thoufrh he remained apparently in good
health on the day before, he died on the thirtieth day. Mariana
says, there can be no doubt of the truth of this story.
* That is, between this world and the next, or a future state.
Men have dealings without any scruple in both at the same
time ; that is, they are not so completely good as not to have
some concern for this, nor yet so completely wicked as not to
have some for the next ; thty have an equal abhorrence at the
thnu:;hts of quitting this world for the next, of forsaking their
manner of living on account of their belief of a future slate :
or quitting the next world for this, that is, of forsaking their be-
lief of a future state on account of their enjoyments of this
world.
t That is, as to that, it stands to rcasnn that men may be ac-
countable in this world, and in the next.
t He seems at no lo-s for an application of a text in Scripture,
" Whatsoever ye shall bind on e .rth, shall be bound iti heaven."
§ The knight argues thtit, since tomimral jiunishments maybe
mitigated and commuted, the best securities for truth and liones-
ty are those expectations which affect man in his spiritual state.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 319
Quoth he, When I resolv'd t' obey
What you commanded th' other day, 240
And to perform my exercise.
As schools are wont, for your fair eyes ;
T' avoid all scruples in the case,
I went to do't upon the place ;
But as thf^ castle is enchanted 245
By Sidrophel the witch, and haunted
With evil spirits, as you know,
Who took my Squire and me for two,*
Before I'd hardly time to lay
My weapons by, and disarray, 250
I heard a formidable noise,
Loud as the Slentrophonic voice,t
That roar'd far oft", Dispatch and strip,
l"m ready with th' infernal whip.
That shall divest thy ribs of skin 255
To expiate thy ling' ring sin ;
Thou 'ast broke perfidiously thy oath.
And not perform'd thy plighted troth.
But spar'd thy renegado back.
Where thou hadst so great a prize at stake,! 260
Which now the fates have order'd me
For penance and revenge, to flea.
Unless thou presently make haste ;
Time is, time was ; and there it ceast.§
With which, the' startl'd, I confess, 265
Yet th' horror of the thing was less
Than the other dismal apprehension
Of interruption or prevention ;
And therefore, snatching up the rod,
I laid upon my back a load, 270
Resolv'd to spare no flesh and blood,
To make my word and honour good ;
Till tir'd, and taking truce at length.
For new recruits of breath and strength,
* For two evil and (le!inqnent spirits,
t Thus Homer, Iliad, v. 78o;
Srfyropi tlaajiivri lieyaX/JTopi xaXfctc^uivci).
And Jiiv. Sat. xiii. 112:
Tu miser exclaiiias, ut Stentora vincere possis.
The speaking trumpet was a little bef(]re the publication of this
canto much improved liy Sir Samuel Jlurland, one of the first es-
talilishers of the Royal Society.
+ The later editions, perhaps with more propriety, read, when
thou 'adst. But where in old authors means whereas.
$ This alludes to the well-known story of the hrazen head.
320 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
I felt the blows still ply'd as fast, 275
As if they 'ad been by lovers plac'd,
In raptures of Platonic lashing,
And chaste contemplative bardashing :*
When facing hastily about,
To stand upon my guard and scout,t 280
I found th' infernal cunning man,
And ih' under-witch, his Caliban,t
With scourges, like tlie furies, arm'd,
That on my outward quarters storm'd.
In haste I snatch'd my weapon up, 285
And gave their hellish rage a stop ;
Call'd thrice upon your name,§ and fell
Courageously on Sidrophel,
Who now transform'd himself t' a bear,|l
Began to roar aloud, and tear ; 290
When I as furiously press'd on,
My weapon down his throat to run,
Laid hold on him ; but he broke loose,
And turn'd himself into a goose,
Div'd under water, in a pond, 295
To hide himself from being found ;
In vain I sought him ; but as soon
As I perceived him fled and gone,
Prepar'd, with equal haste and rage
His under-sorc'rer to engage ; 300
But bravely scorning to defile
My sword with feeble blood, and vile,
I judg'd it better from a quick-
Set-hedge to cut a knotted stick,
With which I furiously laid on ; 305
* The epithets chaste and contemplative are used ironically.
See Genuine Remains, vol. i. CO, and vol. ii. 3.52. Dr. Biilwer, in
his Artificial Changeling, p. 269, says, "The Turks call those that
"are young, and have no beards, burdasses."
t Sir Samuel Luke was scout-master.
i See Shakspeare's Tempest.
§ Bantering tiie romance writers, whose heroes frequently ir-
voke their mistresses :
numero deus impare gaudet.
Virg. eclog. viii.
II Thus Ovid. Metam. lib. viii. 732:
Nam modo te juvencm, niodo te videre lennem :
Nunc violentus aper, nunc, quern tetigisse timerent,
Anguis eras : modo te faciebant cornua taurum,
Sa-pe lapis poteras, arbor quoque sffipe videri.
IVhen I as furiously.— Some editions read, perhaps better:
When as I furiously-
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 321
Till, in a harsh and doleful tone,
It roar'd, O hold, lor pily, Sir,
I am too great a sufferer,*
Abus'd as you have been b' a witch.
But conjur'd int' a worse caprich,t 310
Who sends me out on many a jaunt,
Old houses in the night to haunt.
For opportunities t' improve '
Designs of thievery or love ;
With drugs convey'd in drink or meat, 315
All feats of witches counterfeit ;
Kill pigs and geese with powdcr'd glass,
And make it for enchantment pass ;
With cow-itcht meazle like a leper,
And choke with fumes of guinea pepper ; 320
Make lechers, and their punks, with dewtry,
Commit fantastical advowtry ;§
* O, fur pity, is a favorite expression of Spenser. Polydore, in
Virgil, Ma. iii. 41, says :
Quid miseruiii, ^nea, laceras 1 jam parce sepiilto :
Parce pias scelerare nianus.
t That is, whim, fancy, from the Italian, capriccio.
X Covvage is a plant from the East Indies, the pod of which is
covered with short hairs : if these hairs are applied to the skin,
they cause an itching for a short time ; they are often used by
young people to tease one another with.
§ DeiDtri/, or datura, is a plant, growing chiefly in the East
Indies, whose seeds and flowers have an intoxicating quality.
They who are skilled in the management of this drug, can, it is
said, proportion the dose of it so as to suppress the senses for any
particular number of hours. The Abyssinians likewise have an
herb, called by the Catfres, banquini.and by the Portuguese, du-
tra, which, if taken in meat or drink, produces a stupor, and con-
tinues it for the space of twenty-four hours. See Lobo's
Voyage to Abyssinia, Dissertation on the Eastern Side of Africa,
p. "J-iG. Dun(-an gave wine, and bread steeped in the juice of
this herb (which some suppose to be the stramonium)to Iveno, king
•)f Norway, and by the eti'ect of it preserved the town of Bartha,
in Scotland, from his attacks. Buchanan, Hist. Scot. lib. vii.
Among the inquiries recommended by Sir Robert Moray, and
sent by the Royal Society to Sir Philiberto Vernatti, resident at
Batavi'a, are the following : " Whether the Indians can so pre-
" pare that stupifying herb datura, that they make it lie several
"days, months, years, according as they will have it, in a man's
"body, without doing him any hurt, and at the end kill him.
"without missing half an hour's time? Whether those that be
"stupified by the juice of this herb, are recovered by moistening
•'the soles of their feet in fair water 1" See Spratt's History of
the Royal Society, lip. 101 and IG-3. " Henr. S;ilmuthus Conmi.
"in nova reperta Paiicirolli, lib. i. tit. 1. Daturam appellat du-
" troam ; et ex Horibus, ait. buibi quandam spccicm oriri, in quo
"nuclei sunt, melonuin semini similes, qui cibo potionique per-
"mixti utentis cerebrum pervadunt, ac stullitium quandam cum
"risu continuo, absque alio sensu, aut ulla rerum uotitia, exci-
14*
322 HUDIBRAS. EPart hi.
Bewitch hermetic men to run
Stark staring mad with manicon ;*
Believe mechanic virtuosi 325
Can raise 'em mountains in Potosi ;
And sillier than the antic fools,
Take treasure for a heap of coals ;t
" lent, tandeinque somnuni inducant. Addit ex Christopheri a
" Cdsta lib. de aromat. cap. de datura, Indorum Lusitanonunque
*" u.xores nucleos eos subinde ignaris niaritis e.xhibere, ac delude
" ipsis spectantibus ac ridentibus, secure adulterls suicopiani fa-
" cere : ex ?onino vero e.xcitato^ niiUlusrei meinini.sse,sed sopore
'■ tantuni lev! se correptos f'uisse sibi iniaginari." Henricus Mel-
biiriiius de cerevisiis veteruin. cap. 23. JNIeniinit Garsias ab hor-
lii hist, plant, novi orbls, lib. ii. c. 24, florls et seminis herba;,
iliKuii daturam vocat, colorein roris marini ienmJantis. Euin ait
IMitiiit ciboque injectuni, et assunipluni, homines niente quodani-
nioilo alienare, et in risuni solvere, atque amentes velutl et ebri-
os ficcre. Gronov. Antiq. Gra;c. i.v. p. OOG.
.'Idoowtry signifies the same with adultery. The word is used
by Lord Bacon, in his Life of Henry Vd. "Maximilian duke of
" Durgundy spake all the evil he could devise of Charles the
" I'Vench king, saying that he was the most perfidious man upon
" earth, and that he had made a marriage compounded between
"an advowtnj and a rape."
The sense of the passage i^i make lewd old fellows, that are
past actual, commit, by means of dewlry, imaginary adultery.
* Alchymists, who pretend to things beyond the power of art.
See a long character of the hermetic philosopher full of wit and
learning, Butler's Remains, vol. ii. p. 225. ManUon is an lierb,
so called from its power of causing madness. Banquo, in Shak-
speare's Macbeth, seems to allude to it when he says :
Were such things here, as we do speak about ■?
Or have we eaten of the insane root,
That takes the reason prisoner 1 Act i.
Meibomius de cerevisis, xxiii. 10. Est in eodum censu strych-
non, sive manicum, sive halicacabum, (luie intcrdum confundunt
auctores. De eo Theophrastus Hist. Plant, ix. 12, ait drachma;
pondere potum efficere Trai^eiv riva Kal ioKUv iavrS Kri)i'\iaTov
I'linius xxi. ex eo lusum gigni, speciesque vanas iinaginesque
conspicuas obversari, afiirmat. Dioscorides iv. 72, ait eadem
herba pota (paiiraaias aTroTcXitv ovk a.7i&t:7s.
t The poet here ridicules the alchymists for pretending to the
power of transnuiting metals, or turning baser minerals into
gold. In the mountains of Potosi are the rich mines belonging
to the king of Spain. The credulous disciples of these philoso-
phers our author calls antick fools. Antic, antick, or antique,
because the cheat began to be out of fashion when Mr. Butler
wrote this part of his book — soon after the Restoration. Or per-
haps by antic fools he might mean those silly dreamers, among
the ancients, who gave occasion to the proverb, "pro thesauro
"carbones ;" they dreamed of gold, hut on examination found
coals; it is frequently applied by Lucian. And Pha-drus v. fab.
vi. Ben Jonson uses the word antique in two senses.
The last line is not clearly expressed. If it had been written,
"For treasure take an heap of coals," or "Turn treasure to an
"heap of coals," the meaning would have been more obvious.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 323
Seek out for plants with signatures,
To quack of universal cures ;* 336
Witii figures, ground on panes of glass,
Make people on their heads to pass ;t
And mighty heaps of coin increase,
Reflected from a single piece ;
To draw in fools, whose nat'ral itches 335
Incline perpetually to witches,
And keep me in continual fears,
And danger of my neck and ears ;
When less delinquents have been scourg'd,
And hemp on wooden anvils forg'd, 340
Which others for cravats have worn
About their necks, and took a turn.
I pity'd the sad punishment
The wretched caititF underwent,
And held my drubbing of his bones 345
Too great an honour for poltroons ;
For knights are bound to feel no blows
From paltry and unequal foes,t
Who when they slash and cut to pieces,
Do all with civiilest addresses : 350
Their horses never give a blow,
. But when they make a leg and bow.§
I therefore spar'd his flesh, and prest him
About the witch, with many a question.
Quoth he, For many years he drove 355
* Plants whose leaves resemble the form of some or other of
the vitals, or have marks or fiaures upon them representing any
cuticular affection, were thought topointout their own medicinal
qualities. Thus wood-sorrel was used as a cordial, because its
leaf is shaped like a heart. Liverwort was given for disorders
of the liver. The herb dragon was employed to counteract the
effects of poison, because its stem is speckled like some serpents.
The yellow juice of the celandine recommended it for the cure
of the jaundice. And Paracelsus said, that the spots which ap-
pear on the leaves of the Persicaria maculosa, proved its efficacy
in the scurvy.
t The niultiplyins glass, concave mirror, camera obscura, and
other inventions, which were new in our author's time, passed
with the vulgar for enchantments ; and as the law against
witches was then in force, the exhibiters of these curiosities
were in some danger of being sentenced to Bridewell, the pillory,
or the halter. .
t .According to the rules of knight-errantry. See Don auixote,
(book iii. ch. i.,) and romances in general.
6 i. e. the courteous knight never strikes his horse but when
he stumbles ; but Mr. T. B. gives it a different sense, and thinks
it alludes to the action of a horse when the rider gives it a blow
on the head ; ducking the head, and throwing out the leg, being
not unlike an awkward bow.
324 IIUDIBRAS. [Part in,
A kind of broking-lrade in love,*
Employ 'd in all tli' intrigues and trust,
Of feeble speculative lust ;
Procurer to th' extravagancy,
And crazy ribaldry of fancy, 360
By those the devil had forsook,
As things below him, to provoke ;
But b'ing a virtuoso, able
To smatter, quack, and cant, and dabble,
He held his talent most adroit, 365
For any mystical exploit.
As others of his tribe had done,
And rais'd their prices three to one ;
For one predicting pimp has th' odds
Of chaldrons of plain downright bawds. 370
But as an elf, the devil's valet.
Is not so slight a thing to get,t
For those that do his Ijus'ness best.
In hell are us'd the ruggedest ;
Before so meriting a person 375
Cou'd get a grant, but in reversion.
He serv'd two 'prenticeships, and longer,
I' th' myst'ry of a lady-monger.
For, as some write, a witch's ghost,t
As soon as from the body loos'd, 380
Becomes a puisney-imp itself
And is another witch's elf.
He, after searching far and near,
At length found one in Lancashire,
With whom he bargain'd beforehand, 385
And, after hanging, entertain'd :
Since which he 'as play'd a thousand feats.
And practis'd all mechanic cheats :
Transform'd himself to th' ugly shapes
Of wolves and bears, baboons and apes, 390
Which he has vary'd more than witches.
Or Pharaoh's wizards cou'd their switches ;§
And all with whom he 'as had to do,
* He transacted the business of intrigues; was a pimp.
\ William Lilly tells us he was fourteen years before he could
get an elf, or ghost of a departed witch. At last he found one
in Lancashire, a country always famous for witches. Thus
Cleveland, p. 76 :
Have you not heard the abominable sport
A Lancashire grand jury will report.
i A better reading would be, J^Tow, as some write.
$ See Exodus vii.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 325
Turn'd to as monstrous figures too :
Witness myself, whom he 'as abus'd, 395
And to this beastly shape reduc'd,
By feeding me on beans and peas,
He crams in nasty crievices.
And turns to comfits by his arts.
To make me relish for deserts, 400
And one by one, with shame and fear,
Lick up the candy'd provender.
Beside — Bat as h' was running on.
To tell what other feats he'ad done.
The lady stopt his full career, 405
And told him, now 'twas time to hear.
If half those things, said she, be true —
They're all, quoth he, I swear by you.
Why then, suid she, that Sidrophel
Has damn'd himself to th' pit of hell, 410
Who, mounted on a broom, the nag
And hackney of a Lapland hag,
Li quest of yon came hither post,
Within an hour, I'm sure, at most,
Who told me all yoii swear and say, 415
Quite contrary, another way ;
Vow'd that you came to him, to know
If you shou'd carry me or no ;
And would have hir'd him and his imps,
To be your match-makers and pimps, 420
T' engage the devil on your side.
And steal, like Proserpine, your bride ;
But he, disdaining to embrace
So filthy a design, and base.
You fell to vapouring and huffing, 425
And drew upon him like a ruffian ;
Surpris'd him meanly, unprepar'd.
Before he 'ad time to mount his guard,
And left him dead upon the ground.
With many a bruise and desperate wound ; 430
Swore you had broke and robb'd his house,
And stole his talismanique louse,*
And all his new-found old inventions.
With flat felonious intentions.
Which he could bring out, where he had, 43P
And wliat he bought 'em for, and paid ;
* The poet intimates, that Sidrophel, being much phi^ued with
lice, had made a talisman, or formed a louse in a certain position
of the stars to chase away tliis kind of \ ermiu.
326 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
His flea, his morpion, and puuese,
He 'ad gotten for his proper ease,*
And all in perfect mimites made.
By th' ablest artists of the trade ; 44C
Which, he could prove it, since he lost,
He has been eaten up almost.
And altogether, might amount
To many Innidreds on account ;
For which he 'd got sufficient warrant 445
To seize the malefactors errant,
Without capacity of bail,
Bat of a cart's or horse's tail ;
And did not doubt to bring the wretches
To serve for pendulums to watches, 450
Wiiich, modern virtuosi say,
Incline to hanging every way.t
Beside, he swore, and swore 'twas true,
That ere he went in quest of you,
He set a figure to discover 455
If you were fled to Rye or Dover ;
And found it clear, that to betray
Yourselves and me, you fled this way ;
And that he was upon pursuit,
To take you somewhere hereabout. 4t30
He vow'd he had intelligence
Of all that pass'd before and since ;
And found, that ere you came to him,
Y' had been engaging life and limb
About a case of tender conscience, 465
Where both abounded in your own sense ;
Till Ralpho by his light and grace.
Had clear'd all scruples in the case.
And prov"d that you might swear, and own
Whatever's by the wicked done : 470
For which, most basely to requite
The service of his gifts and light.
You strove t' oblige him, by main force.
To soourge his ribs instead of yours ;
But that he stood upon his guard, 475
And all your vapouring outdar'd ;
For which, t between you both, the feat
Has never been perform'd as yet.
* The t;ilisni:in of a flea, a louse, and a bug.
t The circular peniUiluins for watches were invented about
onr author's time liy Dr. Hooke.
t That is, on wliich account.
Canto i.J HUDIBRAS. 327
While thus the Lady talk'd, the Knight
Turn'd th' outside of his eyes to white ;* 480
As men of inward Hght are wont
To turn their optics in upon't ;
He wonder'd liow she came to know
What he had done, and meant to do ;
Held up his affidavit hand,t 485
As if he 'ad been to be arraign'd ;
Cast tow'rds the door a ghastly look,
In dread of Sidrophel, and spoke :
Madam, if but one word be true
Of all the wizard has told you, 490
Or but one single circumstance
In all th' apocryphal romance.
May dreadful earthquakes swallow down
This vessel, that is all your own ;t
Or may the heavens fall, and cover 495
These relics of your constant lover.§
You have provided well, quoth she,
I thank you for yourself and me.
And shewn your presbyterian wits
Jump punctual with the Jesuits ; 500
A most compendious way, and civil.
At once to cheat the world, and devil.
With heaven and hell, yourselves, and those
On whom you vainly think t' impose.
* The dissenters are ridiculed for an affected sanctity, and
turning tip the whites of their eyes. Thus Ben Jonson :
he is called for a puritan —
That used to turn up the eggs of his eyes.
And Fenton in his Poems :
Her eyes she disciplin'd precisely right,
And when to wink, and how to torn the white.
t When any one takes an oath, he puts his right hand to the
bodk, that is, to the New Testament, and kisses it ; but the cov-
eniinters, in shearing, refused to kiss the book, saying it was po-
pish and su|)cr-;titiou"s : they substituted the ceremony of hold-
ing up the light hand, which they used also in taking any oath
before the ni.igislrate. The seceders in Scotland, who affect all
the preciseness of the old covenanters, I believe still adhere to
this practice.
i The knight has made all needful proficiency in the art of
equivocation. This pour devoted vessel is — not the abject suitor,
but the lady herself.
^ Here the knight still means the widow, but would have it
understood of himself
Troas, reliquias Danaum atque inmitis Achillei.
Virg. ^n. i. 30
328 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
Why then, quoth he, may hell surprise — 505
That trick, said she, will no*, pass twice:
I've learn'd how far I'm to believe
Your pinning oaths upon your sleeve ;
But there's a better way of clearing
What you would prove, than downright swearing :
For if you have perform'd f he feat,
The blows are visible as yet.
Enough to serve for satisfaction
Of nicest scruples in the action ;
And if you can produce those knobs, 515
Altho' they're but the witch's drubs,
I'll pass them all upon account,
As if your nat'ral self had done 't ;
Provided that they pass tli' opinion
Of able juries of old women. 520
Who, us'd to judge all matter of facts
For bellies,* may do so for backs.
Madam, quoth he, your love's a million,
To do is less than to be willing,
As I am, were it in my power, 525
T' obey what you command, and more ;
But for performing what you bid,
I thank you as much as if I did.
You know I ought to have a care
To keep my wounds from taking air ; 530
For wounds in those *hat are all heart.
Are dangerous in any part.
I find, quoth she, my goods and chattels
Are like to prove but mere drawn battles ;t
For still the longer we contend, 535
We are but farther off the end.
But granting now we should agree.
What is it you expect from me ?
Your plighted faith, quoth he, and word
You pass'd in heaven, on record, 540
Where all contracts t' have and t' hold,
Are everlastingly enroll'd :
And if 'tis counted treason here
To raze records, 'tis much more there.
Quoth she, There are no bargain.s driv'n, 545
* When a woman ^nretends to be pregnant, in order to gain a
respite from her sentence, the fact must be ascertained by a jury
of matrons.
t That is, no other than matter for mere undecisive bickei-
ings.
NTOi.] HUDIBRAS. 329
Nor marriages clapp'd up in heav'n ;*
And that's the reason, as some ^uess,
Tiiere is no heav'n in marriages ;
Two things that naturally presst
Too narrowly, to be at ease : 530
Their bus'ness there is only love.
Which marriage is not like t' improve ;t
Love, that's too generous t' abide
To be against its nature ty'd ;
For where 'tis of itself inclin'd, 555
It breaks loose when it is confin'd,§
And like the soul, its harbourer,
Debarr'd the freedom of the air,
Disdains against its will to stay.
But struggles out, and flies away : 560
And therefore never can comply,
T' endure the matrimonial tie,
That binds the female and the male.
Where th' one is but the other's bail ;||
Like Roman gaolers, when they slept, 565
Chain'd to the prisoners they kept :ir
Of which the true and faithfuU'st lover
Gives best security to suffer
MaiTiage is but a beast, some say,**
* The author alludes to Mark xii. 25 : " For when they shall
" arise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in mar-
"riace."
t That is, bargains and marriages.
i Plurinius in ccelis amor est, connuliia nulla :
Conjugia in terris plurima, nuUus amor.
§ The widow's notions of love are similar to those of Eloise,
so happily expressed by Pope :
Love, free as air, at sight of human ties.
Spreads his light wings, and in a moment flies.
So Chaucer, in his Frankeleines Tale :
Love wol not be constrained by maistrie:
Whan maistrie cometh, the god of love anon
Beteth his vvinges, and, farewel, he is gon.
JEWus Venis, according to Spartian, used to say, "Uxor digni-
" tatis nomen est, non voluptalis."
11 That is, where if one of them is faulty, the other is drawn
into difficulties by it, and the truest lover gives best security to
sulTer, or is likely to be the greatest sufferer.
ir The custom among the Romans was the same as among
modern constables, to chain the right hand of the culprit to the
left hand of the guard_:- Modus est, ut is qui in noxa esset, cate-
nam manui dextriE alligatam haberet, qua; eadem militis sinis-
trani vinciret.
** Sir Thomas Brown, author of the Vulgar Errors, and Re-
ligio Medici, speaks of the ultimate act of love as a folly beneath
330 HUDIBRAS. [Part ra.
That carries double in foul way, 570
And therefore 'tis not to bo admir'd,
It sliould so suddenly be tir'd ;
A bargain, at a venture made,
Between two partners in a trade ;
For what's inferr'd by t' have and t' Iiold, 575
But something pass'd away and sold ?*
Tliat, as it makes but one of two,
Reduces all things else as low ;
And at the best is but a mart
Between the one and tli' other part, 580
That on the marriage day is paid,
Or hour of deatii, the bet is laid ;t
And all the rest of better or worse,
Both are but losers out of purse :
For when upon their ungot heirs 585
Th' entail themselves and all that's theirs.
What blinder bargain e'er was driven.
Or wager laid at six and seven ?
To pass themselves away, and turn
Their children's tenants ere they're born ? 590
Beg one another idiot
To guardians, ere they are begot ;
a philosopher, and says, that he could be content that we might
procre:ite like trees without conjunction. But, after writing this,
he descended from his philosophic dignity, and married an agree-
able woman :
The strong, the brave, the virtuous, and the wise,
Sink in the soft captivity together.
Addison's Cato.
* An equivocation. The words " to have and to hold," in the
marriage ceremony, signify"! take to possess and keep ;" in
deeds of conveyance their meaning is, " 1 give to be possessed
" and kept by another."
t (Thus in some editions.) The poet's allusions are sometimes
far-fetched and obscure. Perhaps he means, that each party ex-
pects to find a satisfaction in marriage; and if they are a little
disappointed when they come together, they will not fail to meet
with it when they are separated. Mart, is marketing, or matter
of purchase between the parties, w ho are only reimbursed the
venture made, on the marriage day, or hour of death ; and as to
any thing else in marriage both parties are losers, for they settle
and give away their estates to ungot heirs ; consigning them-
selves, like idiots and lunatics, to guardians and trustees. Mr.
Butler generally pursues his subject as far as he can with pro-
priety. But I do not know that we can justify the transition, in
this speech, from a lively vindication of the generous nature of
love, to a long detail of the abuses and evils of matrimony. He
might wish for an opportunity of satirizing the vices of the times.
Beside, we learn, that he had suffered some inconveniences him.
self from an unfortunate marriage.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 331
Or ever shall, perhaps, by th' one
Who's bound to vouch them for his own,
Tho' got b' implicit generation,* 595
And general club of all the nation ;
For which she's fortify'd no less
Than all the island with four seas ;t
Exacts the tribute of her dower,
In ready insolence and power, 600
And makes him pass awaj-, to have
And hold to her, himself, her slave,
More wretched than an ancient villain,}
Condemn'd to drudgen,- and tilling ;
While all he does upon the by, 6J5
She is not bound to justify,
Nor at her proper cost or charge
Maintain the feats he does at large.
Such hideous sots were those obedient
Old vassals to their ladies regent, 610
To give the cheats the eldest hand
lu foul play, by the laws o' th' land,
For which so many a legal cuckold
Has been run down in courts, and truckl'd :
A law that most unjustly yokes 615
All Johns of Stiles to Joans of NokeSj§
Without distinction of degree,
Condition, age, or quality ;
Admits no pow"r of revocation,
Nor valuable consideration, 620
Nor writ of error, nor reverse
Of judgment past, for better or worse ;
Will not allow the privileges
That beggars challenge under hedges,
* Dr. Johnson says, implicit signifies mixed, cumpliciited, intri-
cate, perplexed.
t The interpretation of the law was, that a child could not be
deemed a bastard, if the husband had remained in the island, or
within the four seas. See Butler's Remains, vol. i. p. 12x2.
X The villains were a sort of slaves, bound to perform the
meanest and most laborious offices. They were appendages to
the land, and passed with it to any purchaser ; as the lord was
not answerable for any thing done by his villain tenant, no more
is the wife for any thing done by her villain husband, though he
is bound to justify and maintain all that his wife does by the by.
For which so many an injured husband has submitted to have
his character run down in the courts, and suffer himself to be
proved a cuckold on record, that he might recover damages from
the adulterer.
^ The poet makes the latter a female : they are names given
in law proceedings to indefinite persons, like Cains and Titius
in the civil law.
332 HUDIBRAS. [Part iii,
Who, when they're griev'd, can make dead horses
Their spiritual judges of divorces ■,*
While nothing else but rem in re
Can set the proudest wretches free ;
A slavery beyond enduring,
But that 'tis of their own procuring.t 630
As spiders never seek the fly,
But leave him, of himself, t' apply ;
So men are by themselves betray'd,
To quit the freedom they enjoy'd,
And run their necks into a noose, 635
They'd break 'em after to break loose.
As some, whom death would not depart, t
Have done the feat themselves by art.
Like Indian widows, gone to bed
In flaming curtains to the dead ;§ 640
And men as often dangled for't,
And yet will never leave the sport.
Nor do tiie ladies want excuse
For all the stratagems they use,
To gain th' advantage of the set,|| 645
And lurch the amorous rook and cheat.
For as the Pythagorean soul
Runs thro' all beasts, and fish, and fowl, If
* The gipsies, it is said, are satisfied of the validity of such
decisions.
t Because the statutes are framed by men :
ZtuxO"? yajioLdiv ovk AstiflspiSf y' satj.
Nd/u^E yr'iitas SovXoi dvai tw 6l<f>.
Brunclv. Poet. Gn. 234.
t Alluding to several reviews of the common prayer before
the last, where it stood, " 'til death us depart," and then altered,
" 'til death us do piirt."
5 They burn themselves on the funeral piles of their hus-
bands. " Mulieres vero in India, cum est cujusvis earum vir
" mortuus, in certamen judiciumque veniunt, quam plurimum
" ille dilexerit ; plures eniin singulis solent esse nuptiB. dnss est
" victrix, ea laita, prosequentibus suis, una cum viro in rogum
"imponitur." Cicero, Tusc. Disputat. v. 27. Strabo says, they
were obliged to do so by law, because the women were wont to
poison their husbands: and of later times, those women who by
any means evade the performance of it, are accounted infamous
for the rest (if their lives. By the English law, women who
murder their husbands are deemed guilty of petty treason, and
condemned to be burnt. In India, when the husband dies, and
his corpse is burned, his wives throw themselves into the fune-
ral pile ; and it is pretended they do it out of affection ; but some
think the custom was instituted to deter the wife from hastening
the period of her husband's existence.
II Set, that is, game, a term at tennis.
IT Pythagoras, according to Heraclides, used to say of himself
Cajto I.] HUDIBRAS. 333
And has a smack of ev'ry one,
So love does, and has ever done ; 650
And therefore, though 'tis ne'er so fond,
Takes strangely to the vagabond.
'Tis but an ague that's reverst.
Whose hot fit takes the patient first.
That after burns with cold as much 655
As iron in Greenland does the touch ;*
Melts in the furnace of desire,
Like glass, that's but the ice of fire ;
And when his heat of fancy's over.
Becomes as hard and frail a lover :t 660
For when he's with love-powder laden,
And prim'd and cock'd by Miss or Madam,
The smallest sparkle of an eye
Gives fire to his artillery.
And off the loud oaths go, but, while 665
They're in the very act, recoil :
Hence 'tis so few dare take their chance
Without a sep'rate maintenance ;
And widows, who have try'd one lover.
Trust none again 'till they've made over ;t 670
Or if they do, before they marry,
The foxes weigh the geese they carry ;
And ere they venture o'er a stream.
Know how to size themselves and them.
Whence wittiest ladies always choose 675
To undertake the heaviest goose :
For now the world is grown so wary,
That few of either sex dare marry.
But rather trust, on tick, t' amours,
that he remenilicrod not nnly what men, but what plants an<i
what animals his scml had passed through. And Enipedocles
declared of hiinselt', that he had been first a boy, tlieii a girl,
then a plant, then a bird, then a fish.
* Metals, if applied to the flesh, in very cold climates, occa-
sion extreme pain. Mr. Butler, in his MS. Commonplace book
has quoted :
Ne tenues pluvife, rapidive poten-tia solis
Acrior, aut Borece penelrabile frigus adiirat.
Virg. Georg. i. 92.
See Johnson on Psalm cxxi. 6, and his note. That, i. e. the pa-
tient.
t That is, becomes a lover as hard and frail as glass : for ho
melts in the furnace of desire, but then it is like the melting o/
glass, which, when the heat is over, is but a kind of ice.
X Made over their property, in trust, to a third person for theil
sole and separate use.
334 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Tlio cross and pile for better or worse ;* 680
A mode that is held honourable,
As well as French, and fashionable :
For when it falls out for the best.
Where both are uicommoded least,
In soul and body two unite, 685
To make up one hermaphrodite.
Still amorous, and fond, and billing',
Like Phillip and Mary on a shilling,-!-
They've more punctilios and capriches
Between the petticoat and breeches, 690
More petulant extravagances,
Than poets make 'em in romances ;
Tho', when their heroes "spouse the dames,
We hear no more of charms and flames ;
For then their late attracts decline, 695
And turn as eager as prick'd wine ;
And all tiieir catterwauling tricks,
In earnest to as jealous piques,
Wiiich th' ancients wisely signify'd
By th' yellow mantos of the bride.t 700
For jealousy is but a kind
Of clap and grincam of the mind,§
* Whose tonge ne pill ne crouche maie hire. J. Gower.
Here it signifies a mere chance, toss up, heads or tails. This
line constitutes a sentence, which is the accusative case after
the verb trust ; in this sense, trust the chance for happiness or
unhappiness to gallantries, for which they take one another's
word.
t On the shillings of Philip and Mary, coined 1555, the faces
are placed opposite, and pretty near to each other.
+ The bride, among the Romans, was brought home to her
husband in a yellow veil, called flammemu. Thus Catullus,
lix. 6:
Cinge tempora floribus
Suave-olenlis amaraci:
Flammeuui cape.
and Lucan, ii. 361 :
Lutea demissos velarunt flammea vultus.
The widow intimates, that the yellow color of the veil was
an emblem of jealousy. The gall, which is of that color, was
considered as the seat of the evil passions. We learn from Plu-
tarch's connubial precepts, that they who sacrificed to Juno did
not consecrate the gall, but threw it beside the altar : signifying
that gall or anger should never attend a marriage ; but that the
seventy of a matron should be profitable and pleasant, like the
roughness of wine, and not disagreeable and of a medicinal qual-
ity, like aloes.
^ The later editions read crincam ; either of them is a cant
word, denoting an infectious disease, or whimsical affection, of
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 335
The natural effect of love,
As other Haiiies and aclies prove :
But all the mischief is, the doubt 705
On whose account tiioy first broke out ;
For tlio' Chiueses go to bed,
And he-ui in their ladies' stead,*
And, for the pains they took before,
Are nurs'd and pamper'd to do more ; 710
Our green-men do it worse, when th' hapT
the iiiind. applied comiTinnly to love, lewdness, or jealousy.
Tlui^, in the manors of Eiist and West Enborne, in ISerkshire, if
the widow by incontinence Ibrfeits her free bench, she may re-
cover it a<.Miii, by riding into the ne.\t manor court, backward, on
a black ram, with his tail in her hand, and saying tlie following
words :
Mctt K am, rftifna upon a iilacft vam,
klikc a tuljovc as i- am :
Slnti for mi) criiuum cvaunim,
?IJabc Io.st mi> bfiicuiu liancum.
Blount's'Fragmenta Antiquitat. first ed. p. 144.
I Nares's Glossary affords the follovving perfectly explanatory
passage : " You must know. Sir, in a nobleman 'tis abusive ; no,
"in him the serpigo, in a knight the grincomcs, in a gentleman
"the Neapolitan scabb, and "in a serving man or artiticer the
" plaine pox." .lones's Adrasta, 103.'). C. iJ.]
* In some countries, after the wife has recovered her lying-in,
it has been the custom for the husband to go to bed, and be treat-
ed with the same care and tenderness. Apollonius Rhodius, II
1013, says of the Tibarini in Pontus :
Toixr^E HIT aVTiK iirciru Vct'lTaiov Atog oKprjv
Ti'diJiipavTc;, caiofro -rrnpi^ Tiliaptji'iSa ya7av.
''E^»9' {7rt( ap Kt TtKiavrui vir av&pdai riKva ytivaiKEf,
Auroi piv (jTtvdxovtJiv tn Xcx/ctrcri TTtadi'Tc;,
Kodara drjcrdptvot' tiu i' tv Kopiovcnv i&ui&fj
'Av/pas, liSe XnCTpu Xtx^'a tu7ui -nevovTai.
And Valerius Flaccus, v. 148 :
Inde Geneta;i rupcm Jovis, hinc Tibarenum
Dant virides post terga lacus ; ubi deside mitri
Foeta ligat, partuque viruin fovet ipsa soluto.
The history of mankind hath scarcely furnished any thing
more unaccountable than the jirevalence of this custom. We
meet with it in ancient and modern times, in the old world and
In the new, among nations who could never have liad the least
intercourse with each other. In Piirchas's Pilgrim, it is said to
be practised among the Brazilians. At Haerlein, a cand)ric
cockade hung to the door, shows that the woman of the house
is brought to bed, and that her husband claims a protection from
arrests during the six weeks of his wife's confinement. Polnitz
Memoirs, vol. ii. p. 396.
t Raw, inexperienced youths ; or else the heaus and coxcombs
of those days, who might delight in green clothes: or perhaps
336 HUDIBRAS. [Part iu
To fall ill laoour of a clap ;
Both lay the child to one another,
But who's the father, who the mother,
'Tis hard to say in multitudes, 715
Or who imported the French goods.*
But health and sickness b'ing all one,
Which both engag'd before to own,t
And are not with their bodies bound
To worship, only when they're sound, 720
Both give and take their equal shares
Of all they suffer by false wares ;
A fate no lover can divert
With all his caution, wit, and art :
For 'tis in vain to think to guess 725
At women by appearances.
That paint and patch their imperfections
Of intellectual complections,
And daub their tempers o'er with washes
As artificial as their faces ; 730
Wear under vizard-masks their talents
And mother-wits before their gallants :
he means a new-married couple. Shakspeare, in Hamlet, (Act
iv. sc. 5,) says :
And we have done hut grecnhj to inter him.
* Nicholas Monardes, a physician of Seville, who died 1577,
tells us that this disease was supposed to have been bmuiiht into
Europe at the siege of Naples, from the West Indies, by some of
Columbus's sailors, who accompanied him to Naples on his re-
turn from his first voj'ajie. When peace was there made be-
tween the French and Spaniards, the armies of both nations had
free intercourse, and conversing with the same women, were in-
fected by this disorder. 'J'he Spaniards thoimht they had re-
ceived the contagion from the French, and the French maintained
that it had been cnnununicated to them by the Spaniards. Gu-
icciardin, in the end of liis second book, dates the origin of this
distemper in Europe at the year 140.'). Dr. Gascoigne, as quoted
by ."Anthony Wood, says he had known several persons who had
died of it in his time. Naples was besieiied in the reign of our
Henry VH., and Dr. Gascoigne lived in the time of Richard H.
and Henry VI. His will was proved in the year 1457. The ac-
count of Monardes is erroneous in many particulars. Indeed,
after all the pains which have been taken by judicious writers,
to prove that this disease was brought from America or the West
Indies, the fact is not sufficiently established. Perhaps it was gen-
erated in Guinea, or some other equinoctial part of Africa. As-
true, the best writer on this subject, says it was brought from
the West Indies between the years 1494 and 1496.
t Alluding to the words of the marriage ceremony : so in the
following lines,
with their bodies bound
To worship.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 337
Until they're hamper'd in the noose,
Too fast to dream of breaking loose ;
When all the flaws they strove to hide 735
Ai-e made unready with the bride,
That with her wedding-clothes undresses
Her complaisance and gentilesses ;
Tries all her arts to take upon her
The government, from th" easy owner ; 740
Until the wretch is glad to wave
His lawful right, and turn her slave ;
Find all his having and his holding
Reduc'd t' eternal noise and scolding ;
The conjugal petard, that tears 745
Down all portcuUices of ears,*
And makes the volley of one tongue
For all their leathern shields too strong ;
When only arm'd with noise and nails.
The female silkworms ride the males,t 750
Transform 'em into rams and goats.
Like syrens, with their charming notes ;
Sweet as a screech-owl's serenade.
Or those enchanting murmurs made
By th' husband mandrake, and the wife, 755
Both bury'd, like themselves, alive.t
Quoth he. These reasons are but strains
Of wanton, over-heated brains.
Which ralliers in their wit or drink
Do rather wheedle with, than think. 760
Man was not man in paradise,
Until he was created twice.
And had his better half, his bride,
•^ The pnet humorously compares the noise ami clamor of a
scolding wife, which breaks the drum of her husband's ears, to
the petard, or short cannon, beating down the gates of a castle.
t That is, the females, like silk-worms, gaudy reptiles.
i Ancient botanists entertained various conceits about this
plant ; in its forked roots they discovered the shapes of men and
women ; and the sound which proceeded from its strong fibres,
when strained or torn from the ground, they took for the voice of a
human being ; sometimes they imagined that they had distinctly
heard their conversation. The poet takes the liberty of enlarg-
ing upon these hints and represents the mandrake husband and
wife quarrelling under ground ; a situation, he says, not more
uncomfortable than that of a married pair continually at vari-
ance, since these, if not in fact, are virtually buried alive. In
Columella, lib. x., we have, semihomines mamlragora; flores
The Ilelirew word, in Genesis, may be disputed upon forever.
Benoit, the historian of the revocation of the edict of Nantz,
thought it meant strawberries. Chaufepi^, v. Benoit.
15
338 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
Carv'd from tli' original, his side,*
T' ani'^iid liis natural defects, 765
And perfect his recruited sex ;
Enlarge his breed, at once, and lessen
The pains and labour of increasing,
By changing them for other cares.
As by his dry'd-up paps appears. 770
His body, that stupendous frame,
Of all the world the anagram, t
Is of two equal parts compact.
In shape and symmetry exact,
Of which the left and female side 775
Is to the manly riglit a bride,!
Both join'd togetiier with such art.
That nothing else but death can part.
Those heav'niy attracts of your's, your eyes,
Aud face, that all the world surprise, 780
That dazzle all that look upon ye.
And scorch all other ladies tawny:
Tho«i ravishing and charming graces,
Are all made up of two half faces
That, in a mathematic line, 785
Like those in other heav'us, join ;§
Of which, if either grew alone,
* Thus CleveUind :
Adiini, 'lil his rib was lost,
Hiul iVie sexes thus engrost.
When Providence our sire did cleave,
And out of Adaui carved Eve,
Then did men 'bout wedlock treat.
To make his body up complete,
t The world in a state nf transposition. Man is often called
the niicriicosm, or world in miniature, ^j/o^ram is a conceit
from the letters of a name transposed ; though perhaps with
more propriety we might read ding-ram.
I [n the Symposium of Plato, Aristophanes, one of the dialo-
gists relates, that the human species, at its original formation,
consisted not only of males and females, but of a third kind, com-
posed of two entire beings of different sexes. This last rebelled
against Jupiter ; and for a punishment, or to render its attacks
the less formidable in future, was comidetely d'vided. The
strong propensity wliich inclines the separate parts to a reunion,
is, according to the same fable, the origin of love. And since it
is hardly possible that the dissevered moieties should stun)ble
upon each other, after they have wandered about the earth, we
may, upon the same hypothesis, account for the number of un-
happy and disproportionate matches wliich men daily engage
in, by saying that they mistake their proiier halves.
§That is, that join insensibly in an imperceptible line, like the
imaginary lines of mathematicians. Other heavens, that is, the
real heavens.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 339
'Twoiild fright as much to look upon :
And so would that sweet bud, your lip,
Without the other's fellowship. 790
Our noblest senses act by pairs.
Two eyes to see, to hear two ears ;
Th" intelligencers of the mind.
To wait upon the soul design'd ;
But those that serve the body alone, 795
Are single and confin'd to one.
The world is but two parts, that meet
And close at th' equinoctial fit ;
And so are all the works of nature,
Stamp'd with her signature on matter ; 800
Which all her creatures, to a leaf.
Or smallest blade of grass, receive.*
All which sufficiently declare
How entirely marriage is her care.
The only method that she uses, 805
In all the wonders she produces ;
And those that take their rules from her
Can never be deceiv'd, nor err :
For what secures the civil life.
But pawns of children, and a wife ?t 810
That lie, like hostages, at stake.
To pay for all men undertake ;
To whom it is as necessary.
As to be born and breathe, to marry ;
So universal, all mankind 815
In nothing else is of one mind :
For in what stupid age, or nation,
Was marriage ever out of fashion It
Unless among the Amazons,
Or cloister'd friars and vestal nuns,§ 820
Or stoics, who, to bar the freaks
And loose excesses of the se.\,
Prepost'rously would have all women
Turn'd up to all the world in common ;||
* The sexual differences of plants.
t Qui lihenis genuit, obsides fortune dedit.
i The nenenii prevalence of matrimony is a good argument
for it< use and continuance.
$ The .\mazons were women of Scythian e-iftraction, settled
in Cappadocia, who, as Justin tells us, avoided marriage, ac-
counting it no better than servitude. Cloistered friars, so termed
by the poet, because they take a vow of celibacy like the vestals
in ancient Rome. The poor vestal nuns must have a place in
the catalogue.
II Diogenes asserted, that marriage was nothing but an empty
340 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
Tho' men would find sucli mortal feuds 825
In sharing of their pubHc goods,
'Twould put them to more charge of lives,
Than they're supply'd with now by wives ;
Until they graze and wear their clothes,
As beasts do, of their native growths :* 830
For simple wearing of their horns
Will not suffice to serve their turns.
For what can we pretend t' inherit.
Unless the marriage deed will bear it ?
Could claim no right to lands or rents, 835
But for our parents' settlements ;
Had been but younger sons o' th' earth,
Debarr'd it all, but for our birth.t
What honours, or estates of peers.
Could be preserv'd but by their heirs ? 840
And what security maintains
Their right and title, but the bans ?
What crowns could be hereditary,
If greatest monarchs did not marry,
And with their consorts consummate 845
Their weightiest interests of state?
For all th' amours of princes are
But guarantees of peace or war.
Or what but marriage has a charm.
The rage of empires to disarm ? 850
Make blood and desolation cease.
And fire and sword unite in peace.
When all their fierce contests for forage
Conclude in articles of marriage ?
Nor does the genial bed provide 855
Less for the int'rests of the bride.
Who else had not the least pretence
T' as much as due benevolence ;
name. And Zenn, the father of the stoics, maintained that all
woinen ought to be cninmon, that no words were obscene, and
no parts of the body needed to be covered.
* i. e. such interconununity of woinen would be productive of
the worst consequences, unless mankind were already reduced
to the most barbarous state of nature, and men become altogether
brutes.
t If there had been no matrimony, we should have had no
provision innde for us by our forefathers ; but, like younger chil-
dren of our primitive parent the earth, should have been exclu-
ded from every possession. He seems to reflect obliquely upon
the eonimoii method of distributing the properties of families so
much in favor of the elder branches, the younger sons not inher-
iting the land.
Canto i.] IIUDIBRAS. 341
Could no more title take upon her
To virtue, quality, and honour, 800
Tlian ladies errant uncoufin'd.
And femmc-coverts t' all mankind.
All women would be of one piece,
The virtuous matron, and the miss ;
The nymphs of chaste Diana's train, SCo
The same with those in Lewkner's-lane,*
But for the diff'rence marriage makes
'Twixt wives and ladies of the lakes :t
Besides, the joys of place and birth
The sex's paradise on earth,! 870
A privilege so sacred held.
That none will to their mothers yield ;
But rather than not go before,
Abandon heaven at the door :§
And if th' indulgent law allows 875
A greater freedom to the spouse,
The reason is, because the wife
Runs greater hazards of her life ;
Is trusted with the form and matter
Of all mankind, by careful nature, 880
Where man brings nothing but the stuff
fjho frames the wond'rous fabric of ;{|
* A street in the neighborhood of Drury-lane or St. Giles's,
inhiiliiteil chiefly l)y strumpets.
t Alluding to the old romance of Sir Lancelot and the Lady
of I'le Lake. Mr. Warburton. But the corrected edition reads
lakes in the plural numlier ; and perhaps we may look for these
ladies elsewhere, — in the la^uiiies of Venice, certain streets in
Westminster, or Lainlieth Marsh, Bankside, &c. &c. [Lake., to
play ; from the Gothic and Saxon, laikan. Used in the north of
Erjiland. Todd.]
i Thus Mr. Poiic :
For sylphs, yet mindful of their ancient race,
Are, as when women, wond'rous fond of place.
Our poet, though vindicating the ladies and the happy estate
of matrimony, cannot help introducing this stroke of satire : Bas-
tirds have no place, or rank.
^ That is, not go to church at all, if they have not their right
of precedence. Chaucer says of the wife of Bath, 451 :
In all the parish wif ne was there non,
That to the olfring hcfore hire shulde gon,
And if thcr did, certain so wroth was she,
That she was out of alle charitee.
ll Various have been the attempts to e.xplain the mystery of
generation. Aristotle, Harvey, Lowenhoek, Drake, and Bartho-
line, have produced their diiferent hypotheses. But from fur-
ther discoveries in anatomy, supported by the strictest analogy
throughout the animal and vegetable kingdoms, it appears tl^t
342
ilUDIBRAs. [Part la
Who therefore, in a struit, may freely
Demand tlie elcrory of lier belly,*
And make it save her the same way, 885
It seldom misses to betray jt
Unless both parties wisely enter
Into the litiiriry-indeiitiire.
And tho' some fits of small contest
Sometimes fall out amonji; the best, 890
That is no more than ev'ry lover
Does from his hackney lady suffer ;
That makes no breach of faith and lovej
But rather, sometimes, serves t' improve ;t
For as, in running, ev'ry pace 895
Is but between two legs a race,
111 which both do their uttermost
To ^et before, and win the post ;
Yet when they're at their race's ends,
They're still as kind and constant friends, 900
And, to relieve their weariness.
By turns give one another ease ;
So all those false alarms of strife
Between the husband and tlie wife,
And little quarrels often prove 905
To be bnt new recruits of love ;
When those who're always kind or coy,
In time must either tire or cloy.§
the female furnishes the germ or ovum, which is only impregna-
ted by the male : or, in the words of Mr. Hunter, the female pro-
duces a seed, in which is the matter fitted for the first arrange-
ment of the organs of the animal, and which receives the prin-
ciple of arrangement fitting it for action, from the male.
* As benefit of clergy may be craved in some cases of felony ;
so pregnant women, who have received sentence of death, may
demand or crave a respite from e.\ecution, till after they are de-
livered.
t As their big bellies betray their incontinence, so they some
times save their lives.
t Amantium ira, amoris integratio est.
Ter. And. iii. sc.iii.23.
In amore h<EC omnia insunt vitia ; injuriie,
Suspiciones, ininiicilia;, induciae,
Bellum, pax rursum. Id. Eun. I. sc. i. 14.
§ Coy seems to be used in the French sense, for quiet, or still.
It has this signification both in Chaucer and Douglas. [A pas-
sage quoted by archdeacon Nares under the verb to cny, will e.^-
plain Butler's meaning:
And while she coi/s his sooty cheeks, and curies his sweaty top.
Warner's Alb. Engl. B. vi. p. 148.
And the following line from an old poem, " William and the
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 343
Nor are their loudest clamours more
Than as they're relish'd, sweet or sour ; 910
Like music, that proves bad or good,
According as 'tis understood.
In all amoura a lover burns
With frowns, as well as smiles, by turns ;
And hearts have been as oft with sullen, 915
As charming looks, surpriz'd and stolen :
Then why should more bewitching clamour
Some lovers not as much enamour ?
For discords make the sweetest airs.
And curses are a kind of pray'rs ; 020
Too slight alloys for all those grand
Felicities by marriage gain'd :
For nothing else has pow'r to settle
Th' interests of love perpetual ;
An act and deed that makes one heart 925
Become another's counter-part.
And passes fines on faith and love,*
Inroird and register'd above.
To seal the slippery knots of vows.
Which nothing else but death can loose. 930
And what security's too strong
To guard that gentle heart from wrong.
That to its friend is glad to pass
Itself away, and all it has.
And, like an anchorite, gives over 935
This world, for th' heav'n of a lover ?t
I grant, quoth slie, there are some few
Who take that course, and find it true ;
But millions, whom the same does sentence
To heav'n b' another way, repentance. 940
Love's arrows are but shot at rovers,t
Tho' all they hit they turn to lovers.
And all the weighty consequents
Depend upon more blind events
Thau gamesters when they play a set, 945
With greatest cmming, at piquet
Werwolf," may be interesting on a word that has been used in
such opposite senses :
Jicoycd it [a child] to come to him and clepud it oft.]
* That is, makes them irrevocable, and secures the title ; as
passing a fine in law does a conveyance or settlement.
t Mr. Butler, I hope, has now made amends for his former in-
civility. Jn this speech the knight has defended the ladies, and
the married slate, with great gallantry, wit, and good sense.
X That is, shot at random, passim, teniere.
344 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Put out with caution, but take in
They know not what, unsight, unseen.
For what do lovers, when they're fast
In one another's anus embrac'd, 950
But strive to plunder, and convey
Each other, like a prize, away ?*
To change tiie property of selves,
As sucking children are by elves?
And if they use their persons so, 955
What will they to their fortunes do 1
Their fortunes ! the perpetual aims
Of all their extacies and flames.
For when the money's on the book.
And " all my worldly goods" — but spoke,+ 960
The formal livery and seisin
That puts a lover in possession ;
To that alone the bridegroom's wedded,
The bride a flam that's superseded ;
To that their faith is still made good, 965
And all the oaths to us they vow'd ;
For when we once resign our pow'rs,
We 'vo nothing left we can call ours :
Our money's now become the miss
Of all your lives and services ; 970
And we forsaken and postpon'd,
But bawds to what before we own'd ;\
Which, as it made y' at first gallant us,
So now hires others to supplant us.
Until 'tis all turn'd out of doors, 975
As we had been, for new amours.
For what did ever heiress yet.
By being born to lordships get?
When the more lady she's of manors,
She's but expos'd to more trepanners, 980
Pays for their projects and designs.
And for her own destruction fines ;
And does but tempt them with her riches,
To use her as the dev'l does witches.
* duiE me surpuerat niihi. Hor. lib. iv. od. 13.
But such writers as Petronius best explain the spirit of this
passage, were it fit to be explained. Transfudinnis hinc et hinc
iabellis errantes animas.
t Alluding to the form of marriage in the common prayer-
book, where the fee is directed to be put upon the book, and the
bridegroom endows the bride with all his worldly goods.
i That is, are procurers of the Miss, our money, which we
before owned.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 345
Who takes it for a special grace, 985
To be their cully for a space,
That, when the time's expir'd, the,drazels*
For ever may become his vassals :
So she, bewitch'd by rooks and spirits.
Betrays herself, and all sh' inherits ; 990
Is bounrht and sold, like stolen goods.
By pimps, and match-makers, and baw^ds ;
Until they force her to convey
And steal the thief himself away.
These are the everlasting fruits 995
Of all your passionate love-suits,
Th' effects of all your am'rous fancies,
To portions and inheritances ;
Your love-sick raptures for fruition
Of dowry, jointure, and tuition ; 1000
To which you make address and courtship.
And with your bodies strive to worship.
That th' infant's fortunes may partake
Of love too,t for the mother's sake.
For these you play at purposes, 1005
And love your loves with A's and B's ;
For these, at Beste and I'Ombre woo,
And play for love and money too ;t
Strive who shall be the ablest man
At right gallanting of a fan ; 1010
* The mean, low wretches, or draggle-tails. Drazcls, I be-
lieve, means vagrants, from an old French word, draseler, a vaga-
bond ; draser, the same as vaguer: the words signifv Ihe same in
Dutch. Thus Warner, in his Albion's England:
Now does each drazel in her glass, when I was young I wot.
On holydays (for seldom else) such idle time was got.
[Drasele.r\% not to be found in Enquefort, Furetierre, nor Rich-
elet, nor is it in the Dutch Dictionaries of Halma nor Winckel-
man ; but dras, in Dutch, is mud ; and as Grose explains drazil,
a dirty slut, and gives the word to the southern part of England,
the Dutch language may have in this case enriched our vocabu-
lary, and we need not go with Todd and Nares to drotchell and
drostel.']
t That is, the widow's children by a former husband, that are
under age, to whom the lover would be glad to be guardian, as
well as have the management of the jointure.
I The widow, in these and the following lines, gives no bad
sketch of a person who endeavors to retrieve his circumstances
by marriage, and practises every method in his power to recom-
mend himself to his rich mistress: he plays with her at ques-
tions and commands, endeavors to divert her with cards, puts
himself in masquerade, flirts her fan, talks of flames and darts,
aches and sufferings ; which last, the poet intimates, might more
justly be attributed to other causes.
15*
346 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
And who the most genteelly bred
At sucking ol' a vizard-bead ;*
How best t' accost us in a!I quarters,
T' our question and command new garters ;t
And solidly discourse upon 1015
All sorts of dresses pro and con :
For there's no mystery nor trade,
But in the art of love is made ;t
And when you have more debts to pay
Than Michaelmas and Lady-day, § 1020
And no way possible to do 't
But love and oaths, and restless suit,
To us y' apply, to pay the scores
Of all your cully'd past amours ;
Act o'er your flames and darts again, 1025
And charge us with your wounds and pain ;
Which other's influences long since
Have charm'd your noses with, and shins ;
For which the surgeon is unpaid,
And like to be, without our aid. 1030
Lord ! what an am'rous thing is want !
How debts and mortgages enchant !
What graces must that lady have.
That can from executions save !
What charms, that can reverse extent, 1035
And null decree and exigent !
What magical attracts, and graces.
That can redeem from scire facias !||
From bonds and statutes can discharge,
* Masks were kept close to the face, by a* bead fixed to the in-
side of them, and held in the mouth.
t At the vulgar play of" questions and commands, a forfeiture
often was lo take otf a lady's garter: expecting this therefore the
lady provided herself witli new ones. Or she might be com-
manded lo make the gentleman a present of a pair of new
garters.
J That is, made tise of or practised.
$ These are the two principal rent-days in the year: unpleas-
ant days to the tenant, and not satisfactory to the landlord, when
his debts exceed liii rents.
II Here the poet sluiws tis knowledge of the law, and law
terms, wliich he always u^:es with great propriety. Execution is
obtaining possession of any lUiiis recovered by judgment of law.
Extent, the estimate of lands to their utmost v«,lue by the
sheriff" and jury, in order to satisfy a bond, or other engagement
forfeited. Kxi<;cnt is a writ roquiring a person to appear; it lies
where the defendant in an action personal cannot be found, or
any thing in the county, whereby he may be distrained. Scire
facias, a writ to show cause why e.xecution of judgment should
not go out.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS.
347
And from contempts of courts enlarge !
1040
These are the highest excellencies
Of all your true or false pretences ;
And you would damn yourselves, and swear
As much t' an hostess dowager,
Grown fat and purey by retail
1045
Of pots of beer and bottled ale,
And, find her fitter for your turn,
For fat is wondrous apt to burn ;
Who at your flames would soon take fire,
Relent, and melt to your desire,
1050
And like a candle in the socket.
Dissolve her graces int' your pocket.
By this time 'twas grown dark and late,
When th' heard a knocking at the gate,
Laid on in haste, with such a powder,
1055
The blows grew louder still and louder:
Which Hudibras, as if they 'ad been
Bestow'd as freely on his skin,
Expounding by his inward light,
Or rather more prophetic fright.
1060
To be the wizard, come to search.
And take him napping in the lurch.
Turn'd pale as ashes, or a clout ;
But why, or wherefore, is a doubt :
For men will tremble, and turn paler,
1065
With too mucii, or too little valour.
His heart laid on, as if it try'd
To force a passage through his side,*
Impatient, as he vow'd, to wait 'em,
But in a fury to fly at 'em ;
1070
And therefore beat, and laid about.
To find a cranny to creep out.
But she, who saw in what a taking
The Knight was by his furious quaking,
Undaunted crj''d, Courage, sir Knight,
1075
Know Fm resolv'd to break no rite
Of hospitality t' a stranger ;
But, to secure you out of danger.
Will here myself stand sentinel,
To guard this pass 'gainst Sidrophel :
1080
Women, you know, do seldom fail
To make the stoutest men turn tail,
And bravely scorn to turn their backs.
Upon the desp'ratest attacks.
216.
* 'ExTopi t' airip Ov/xbi ivt ^I'jdtaai. irdTacacv. 11. vii
348 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
At this the Knight grew resolute, 1085
As Ironside, or Hardiknute ;*
His fortitude began to rally,
And out he ery'd aloud, to sally ;
But she besought him to convey
His courage rather out o' t.h' way, 1090
And lodge in ambush on the floor,
Or fortil'y'd behind a door,
That, if the enemy should enter.
He might relieve her in th' adventure.
Meanwhile they knock'd against the door, 1095
As fierce as at the gate before ;
Which made the renegado Kuight
Relapse again t' his former fright.
He thought it desperate to stay
Till th' enemy had forc'd his way, 1100
But rather post himself, to serve
The lady for a fresh reserve.
His duty was not to dispute.
But what she 'ad order'd execute ;
Which he resolv'd in haste t' obey, 1105
And therefore stoutly march'd away.
And all h' encounter'd fell upon,
Tho' in the dark, and all alone ;
Till fear, that braver feats performs
Than ever courage dar'd in arms, mo
Had drawn him up before a pass.
To stand upon his guard, and face ;
This he courageously invaded,
And, having enter'd, barricado'd ;
Ensconc'd himself as formidable 1115
As could be underneath a table ;
Where he lay down in ambush close,
T' expect th' arrival of his foes.
Few minutes he had lain perdue.
To guard his desp'rate avenue, 1120
Before he heard a dieadful shout,
As loud as putting to the rout.
With which impatiently alarm'd.
He fancy'd th' enemy had storm'd,
And after ent'ring, Sidrophel 119C
Was fall'n upon the guards pellmell ;
He therefore sent out all his senses
To bring him in intelligences,
* Two princes celebrated for their valor in our histories. The
former lived about the year lOlC, the latter 1037.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 349
Which vulgars, out of ignorance,
Mistake for falling in a trance ; 1130
But those that trade in geomancy,*
Affirm to be the strength of fancy ;
In which the Lapland magi deal,
And things incredible reveal.
Mean while the foe beat up his quarters, 1135
And storm'd the outworks of his fortress ;
And as another of the same
Degree and party, in arms and fame,
That in the same cause had eiigag'd.
And war with equal conduct wag'd, 1140
By vent'ring only but to thrust ,
His head a span beyond his post,
B' a gen'ral of the cavaliers
Was dragg'd thro' a window by the ears :t
So lie was serv'd in his redoubt, 1145
And by the other end pulfd out.
Soon as they had him at their mercy,
They put him to the cudgel fiercely,
As if they scorn'd to trade and barter,t
By giving, or by taking quarter: 1150
They stoutly on his quarters laid,
Until his scouts came in t' his aid :§
For when a man is past his sense,
There's no way to reduce him thence.
But twinging him by th' ears or nose, 1155
Or laying on of heavy blows :
* A snrt of divination by clefts or cliinks in tlie gmund. Poly-
dore VirL'il de invenlione reruin, supposes it to have been invent-
ed by the magi of Persia.
t A right honorable gentleman of high character,* now living,
assured me that this circumstance happened to one of his rela-
tions, Sir Richard (Dr. Grey calls him Sir Erasmus) Philips, of
Picton castle, in Pembrokeshire. The Cavaliers, commanded by
Colcmel Egerton, attacked this place, and demanded a parley.
Sir Richard consented; and being a little man, stepped upon a
bench, and showed himself at one of the windows. The Colonel,
who was high in stature, sat on horseback underneath ; and
pretending to be deaf, desired the other to come as near him as
he could. Sir Richard then leaned a good deal from the win-
dow ; when the Colonel seized him by the ears, and drew him
out. Soon after, the castle surrendered.
I Pyrrhus says to the Romans, from Ennius, in Tully's CtiB-
ees :
Nee mi aurum posco, nee mi pretium dederitis ;
Nee cauponantes bellum, sed belligerantes,
Ferro, non auro vitam cernamus utrique.
^ i. e. till his senses returned.
* EarlofOrfoid
350 HLDIBRAS. [Partiil
And if that will not do the deed,
To burning with hot irons proceed.
No sooner was he come t' himself
But on his neck a sturdy elf 1160
Clapp'd in a trice his cloven hoof,
And thus attack'd him with reproof:
Mortal, thou art betray 'd to us
B' our friend, thy evil genius,
Who for thy horrid perjuries, 1165
Thy breach of faith, and turning lies.
The brethren's privilege, against
The wicked, on themselves, the saints,
Has here thy wretched carcass sent.
For just revenge and punishment ; 1170
Wliich thou hast now no way to lessen.
But by an open, free confession :*
For if we catch thee failing once,
'Twill fall the heavier on thy bones.
What made thee venture to betray, 1175
And filch the lady's heart away.
To spirit her to matrimony 1 —
That which contracts all matches, money.
It was th' enchantment of her riches,
That made m' apply t' your crouy witches ;t 1180
That in return would pay th' expence,
The wear and tear of conscience ,t
* This scene is imitated, but with much less wit and learn-
ing, ill a poem called Dunstable Downs, falsely attributed to Mr.
Samuel Butler. See the third volume of the Remains. In that
poem, whoever was the author, the allusion to the high court
of justice, and trial of Charles the First, is apposite. See Brad-
shaw s speech to the king :
This court is independent on
All forms, and methods, but its own.
And will not be directed by
The persons they intend to try.
And I must tell you, you're mistaken,
If you propose to save your bacon.
By pleading to your jurisdiction.
Which will admit of no restriction.
Here's no appeal, nor no dcnuurer,
Nor after judgment writ of error.
If you persist to quirk or quibble,
And (jn your terms of law to nibble.
The court's determin'd to proceed.
Whether you do, or do not plead.
T Your old friends and companions
% The knight confesses that he would have saci-ificed his con-
science to money. In reality, he had gotten rid of it long before.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 351
Which I could liave patch'd up, and tum'd,
For th' hundredth part of what I earn'd.
Didst thou not love her then? Speak true. 1185
No more, quoth he, than 1 love you. —
How would'st thou've us'd her, and her money ?
First turn'd her up to alimony,*
And laid her dowry out in law,
To null her jointure with a flaw, 1190
Which I beforehand had agreed
T' have put, on purpose, in the deed,
And bar her widow's-makiug-ovci
T' a friend in trust, or private lover.
What made thee pick and chuse her out 119.5
T' employ their sorceries about ? —
That which makes gamesters play with those
Who have least wit, and most to lose.
But didst thou scourge thy vessel thus,
As thou hast damn'd thyself to us?— 1200
I see you take me for an ass :
'Tis true, I thought the trick would pass,
Upon a woman, well enough.
As 't has been often found by proof.
Whose humours are not to be won 1205
But when they are impos'd upon ;
For love approves of ail they do
That stand for candidates, and woo.
Why didst thou forge those shameful lies
Of bears and witches in disguise ? — 1210
That is no more than authors give
The rabble credit to believe ;
A trick of following the leaders,
To entertain their gentle readers ;
And we have now no other way 1215
Of passing all we do or say ;
Which, when 'tis natural and true.
Will be believ'd b' a very few.
Beside the danger of offence.
The fatal enemy of sense. ^ 1220
Why dost thou chuse that cursed sinT
Hypocrisy, to set up in ? —
Because it is the thriving'st calling,
The only saints' bell that rings all in ;t
* Tu provide for herself, as horses do when they are turned to
grass. The poet iiiif-'ht possilily design a jeii do mot. Jliimony
fs a separate maintenance paid by tlie husband to the wife,
where she is not convicted of adultery.
t The small bell, which rings inunediately before the ministe»
352 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
In which all churches are concern'd, 1225
And is the easiest to be learn'd :
For no degrees, unless th' employ it,
Can ever gain much, or enjoy it.
A gift that is not only able
To domineer among the rabble, 1230
But by the laws empower'd to rout.
And awe the greatest that stand out ;
Wliich few hold forth against, for fear
Their hands should slip, and come too near ;
For no sin else, among the saints, 1235
Is taught so tenderly against.
What made thee break thy plighted vows?—
That which makes others break a house,
And hang, and scorn ye all, before
Endure the plague of being poor * 1240
Quoth he, I see you have more tricks
Than all your doating polities,
That are grown old and out of fashion,
Compar'd with your new reformation ;
That we must come to school to you, 1245
To learn your more refin'd and new.
Quoth he. If you will give me leave
To tell you what I now perceive,
You'll find yourself an arrant chouse
If y' were but at a meeting-house. 1250
'Tis true, quoth he, we ne'er come there,
Because w' have let 'm out by th' year."!
Truly, quoth be, you can't imagine
What wond'rous things tiiey will engage in ;
That as your fellow fiends in hell 1255
Were angels all before they fell,
So are you like to be agen,
Compar'd with th' angels of us men.t
begins the chwrch service, is called the saints' bell ; and when
the clerk has rung this bell, he says, " he has rung ail in."
* Scorn, that is, defy your law and punishment.
t The devils are here looked upon as landlords of the meeting
houses, since the tenants of them were known to be so diabolical,
and to hold them b> no good title ; but as it was uncertain how
long these lawless times would last, the poet makes the devil
let them only by the year: now when any thing is actually let,
we landlords never come there, that is, have excluded ourselves
from all right to the premises.
i 1 remember an old attorney, who told me, a little before his
death, that he had been reckoned a very great rascal, and be-
lieved he was so, for he had done many roguish and infamous
things in his profession : " but," adds he, " by what 1 can observe
'of the rising generation, the time may come, and you may live
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 353
Quoth lie, I am lesolv'd to be
Thy scholar in this mystery ; 12GC
And therefore first desire 'o know
Some principles on which you go,
Wliat makes a knave a child of God,*
And one of us ?t — A livelihood.
What renders beating out of brains, 1265
And murder, godliness ? — Great gains.
What's tender conscience ? — 'Tis a botch
That will not bear the gentlest touch ;
But, breaking out, dispatches more
Than th' epidemical'st plague-sore.t 1270
What makes y' encroach upon our trade,
And damn all others? — To be paid.
What's orthodox and true believing
Against a conscience? — A good living.§
What makes rebelling against kings 1275
A good old cause? — Administ'rings.y
What makes all doctrines plain and clear ? —
About two hundred pounds a year.
And that which was prov'd true before,
Prov'd false again? — Two hundred more. 1280
What makes the breaking of all oaths
A holy duty ? — Food and clothes.
What laws and freedom, persecution? —
B'ing out of power, and contribution.
What makes a church a den of thieves? — 1285
"to see it, when I shall be accounted a very honest man, in
"comparison with those attorneys who are to succeed me."
* A banter on the pamphlets in those days, luuler the name
and form of catechisms: Heylin's Rebel's Catechism, Watson's
Cavalier Catechism, Rum's Soldier's Catechism, Parker's Political
Catechism, &c. &c.
t Both Presbyterians and Independents were fond of saying
one of us ; that is, one of the holy brethren, the elect number,
the godly party.
+ .Alhulinii! to the plague, of which, in our author's time, viz.
in IGl).). died 08, .58(5 persons, within the bills of mortality.
^ A committee was appointed November 11, 1G40. to inquire
into the value of all church livings, in order to plant an able
ministry, as was pretended ; but, in truth, to discover the best
and fattest benefices, that the champions for the cause might
choose for them.selves. Whereof some had three or foura-piece :
a lack being pretended of competent pastors. When a living
was small, the church doors were shut up. nuL'dale's Short
View. •' I could name an assembly-man," says Sir William
Dugdale, '■ who being told by an eminent person, thtit a certain
"church had no incnnd)ent, inquired the value of it; and re-
"ceiving for answer that it was al)out jCoO a year, he said, 'If i
" ' be no better worth, no godly man w ill accept it.' "
II — Aduiinisterings. See P. iii. c. ii. v. 55.
354 HUDIBRAS. [Part iu
A dean and chapter, and white sleeves.*
And what would serve, if those were gone,
To make it orthodox? — Our own.
What makes morality a crime,t
The most notorious of the time ; 1290
Morality, which both the saints
And wicked too cry out against? —
'Cause grace and virtue are within
Prohibited degrees of kin ;
And therefore no true saint allows 1295
They shall be sufferd to espouse :
For saints can need no conscience,
That with morality dispense ;
As virtue's impious, when 'tis rooted
In nature only, and not imputed: 1300
But why the wicked should do so,
We neither know, nor care to do.|
What's liberty of conscience,
I' th' natural and genuine sense ? —
'Tis to restore, with more security, 1305
Rebellion to its ancient purity ;
And Christian liberty reduce
To th' elder practice of the Jews ;
For a large conscience is all one.
And signifies the same with none.§ 1310
It is enough, quoth he, for once.
And has repriev"d thy forfeit bones :
Nick Machiavel had ne'er a trick,
Tho' he gave his name to our old Nick,||
* That is, a bishop who wears lawn sleeves.
t Moral "loodness was deemed a mean attainment, and much
beneath the character of saints, who held grace and inspiration
to be all mrrilorioiis. and virtue to have no merit; nay, some
even thiiUL'tit virtue impious, when it is rooted only in nature,
and not imputed ; some of the modern sects are supposed to hold
tenets not very unlike to this.
t The author shows his abhorrenceof vice, in whatever party
it was found, by satirizing the loose principles of the cavaliers.
5 It is reported of .Tudw Jefterys, that taking a dislike to a
witness who had a long heard, he told him that, "if his con-
" science was as long as his beard, he had a swin;;ing one :" to
which the countryman replied, " My lord, if you measure con-
" science by beards, yo>i yutirself have none at all."
II Machiavel was recorder of Florence in the Kith century, an
eminent historian, and consummate politician. In a note on the
Merry Wives of Windsor, and in Dr. Grey's edition of Hiidibras,
Mr. Warburton has altered this passage. He reads the last line :
■" Though he gave aim to our old N^lck.
But as all the editions published by the author himself, or in the
author's lifetime, have the word name, I am unwilling to change
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 355
But was below the least of these, 1315
That pass i' th' world, for holiness.
This said, the furies and the light
In tir instant vanish'd out of sight.
And left him in the dark alone,
With stinks of brimstone and his own. 1320
The queen of night, whose large command
Rules all the sea, and half the land,*
And over moist and crazy brains,
In high spring-tides, at midnight i'eigns,t
Was now declining to the west, 1325
To go to bed and take her rest ;t
When Hudibras, whose stubborn blows
Deny'd his bones that soft repose, §
Lay still expecting worse and more,
Stretch'd out at length upon the floor; . 230
And tho' he shut his eyes as fast
As if he 'ad been to sleep his last.
Saw all the shapes that fear or wizards,
it. Mr. Butler, who seems well versed in the S?axon and north-
ern etymologies, could not lie ignorant that the terms nicka,
nocca, nicken, and from thence the English, old nick, were used
to signify the devil, long before the time of Wachiavel. A ma-
lignant spirit is named old nicka. in Sir William Temple's Essay
on Poetry. [J^ecken, daemon aquaticus. Dan. nicken, nocken.
Genu, nicks, h. B. 7iocca. hi. nikur. Angl. nick. Be\s. necker.
Putatur in tluviis et lacubus residcre. et natantes per pedes ar-
reptos ad se jiertrahere. — Hire Gloss. Sniogothicum.] When
Machiavel is represented as such a proficient in wickedness,
that his name hath become no unworthy appellation for the
devil himself, we are not less entertained by the snjartness of
the sentiment, than we should be if it were firmly su|iported
by the truth ol history. In the second canto, Empedocles is
said to have been acquainted with the writings of Alexander
Ross, who did not live till aboiU 2U0D years after him. A hu-
morous kind of wit, in which the droll genius of Butler does not
scruple to indulge itself.
* The moon, which influences the tides and motions of the
sea, and half mankind, who are lunatic, more or less.
Nunc terram potius quam mare luna regit.
Owen. Epig. 90.
The poem had now occupied two days, and nhiiost two niglits.
t Insane persons are supposed to be worst at the change and
full of the moon, when the tides are highest.
i He had before described the approach of day by the rising
of the sun: he now employs the setting of the moon for thai
purpose.
$ Lenibant curas, et corda oblita laborura.
At non infelix aniiiii Phoenissa ; neque unquam
Solvitur in somnos, oculisve aut pectore noctem
Accipit: ingeminant curse. iSneid. iv. 528.
356 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
Do make the devil wear for vizards,*
And pricking up his ears, to hark 1335
If he could hear, too, in the dark,
Was first invaded with a groan,
And after, in a feeble tone,
These trembling words : Unhappy wretch,
What hast thou gotten by this fetch, 1340
Or all thy tricks, in this new trade.
Thy holy brotherhood o' th' blade ?t
By sauntring still on some adventure.
And growing to thy horse a centaur?
To stuff thy skin with swelling knobs 1345
Of cruel and hard-wooded drubs ?
For still thoii'st had the worst on't yet,
As well in conquest as defeat :
Night is the sabbath of mankind.
To rest the body and the mind,t 1350
Which now thou art deny'd to keep.
And cure thy labour'd corpse with sleep.
The Knight, who heard the words, explain'd
* It mtiy be amusing to compare this Inirlesque with the seri-
ous subliine of Milton. Paradise Lost, ii. G-i5 :
all monstrous, all prodigious things,
Abominable, unutterable, and worse
Than fables yet have feign'd, or tear conceiv'd,
Gorgons and hydras, and chiinseras dire.
t This religious knight-errantry : this search after trifling of-
fences, with intent to punish them as crying sins. Ralpho, who
now supposed himself alone, see Part iii. canto iii. v. 89, vents
his sorrows in this soliloquy, or e.vpostulation, which is so art-
fully worded, as equally to suit his own case, and the knight's,
and to censure the conduct of both. Hence the latter applies
the whole as meant and directed to himself, and cuniments upon
it accordingly to v. 1400, after whicli the squire iMijJroves on his
master's mistake, and counterfeits the ghost in earnest. Com-
pare Part iii. c. iii. v. 151-158. This seems to have been But-
ler's meaning, though not readily to be collected from his words:
his readers are left in the dark almost as much as his heroes.
Bishop Warburton supposes that the term holy Iruthcrhoud al-
ludes to the society instituted in Spain, called La Santa Her-
mandad, employed in detecting and apprehending thieves and
robbers, and executing other parts of the police. See them fre-
quently mentioned in Don Uuixote, Gil Bias, &c.
t Plutarch thus addresses the superstitious person: "Heaven
"gave us sleep, as a relief and respite from our affliction. Why
"will you convert this gift into a painful instrument of torture ;
"and a durable one too. since there is no other sleep for your
"soul to flee to. Heraclitus says, that to men who are awake
" there is a common world ; but every one who sleeps is in a
"world of his own. Yet not even in sleep is the superstitious
"man released from his troubles: his reason indeed slumbers,
"but his fears are ever awake, and he can neither escape from
" them, nor dislodge them." De Superstitione.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 357
As meant to him this reprimand,
Because the character did hit 1355
Point-blank upon his case so fit ;
BeHev'd it was some drolling spright
That staid upon the guard that night,
And one of those he 'ad seen, and felt
The drubs he had so freely dealt ; 1360
When, after a short pause and groan.
The doleful Spirit thus went on :
This 'tis t' engage with dogs and bears
Pellmell together by the ears,
And after painful bangs and knocks, 1365
To lie in limbo in the stocks.
And from the pinnacle of glory
Fall headlong into purgatory ;
Thought he, this devil's full of malice,
That on my late disasters rallies, 1370
Condemn'd to whipping, but declin'd it,
By being more heroic-minded ;
And at a riding handled worse.
With treats more slovenly and coarse ;*
Engag'd with fiends in stubborn wars, 1375
And liot disputes with conjurers ;
And, when thou 'adst bravely won the day,
W^ast fain to steal thyself away.
I see, thought he, this shameless elf
Would fain steal me too from myself, ■ 1380
That impudently dares to own
Wiiat I have suifer'd for and done ;
And now, but vent'ring to betray.
Hast met with vengeance the same way.
Thought he, how does the devil know 1385
What 'twas that I design'd to do ?
His ofRce of intelligence.
His oracles, are ceas'd long since ;
And he knows nothing of the saints.
But what some treach'rous spy acquaints. 1390
This is some pettifogging fiend.
Some under doorkeeper's friend's friend.
That undertakes to understand,
And juggles at the second-hand.
And now would pass for spirit Po,t 1395
* This shows the meaning of the riding dispensation, 1. 124.
t Po, or Bo, the son of Odin, vviis a fierce Gothic captain,
whose name was repeated tiy his soldiers to surprise or frighten
their enemies. See .Sir William Teiniile's foiirtu essay. fMr.
Todd says, the northern Cai)tain will suffer no great loss, if the
358 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
And all men's dark concerns foreknow.
I think I need not fear him for "t ;
These rallying devils do no hurt.
With that he rous'd his drooping heart,
And hastily cried out, What art? — 1400
A wretch, quoth he, whom want of grace
Has brought to this unhappy place.
I do believe thee, quoth the Knight ;
Thus far I'm sure thou'rt in the right ;
And know what 'tis that troubles thee, 1405
Better than thou hast guess"d of me.
Tiiou art some paltry, blackguard spright,
Condemn'd to drudg'ry in the night ;
Thou hast no work to do in th' house,
Nor halfpenny to drop in shoes ;* 1410
Without the raising of which sum
You dare not be so troublesome
To pinch the slatterns black and blue,
For leaving you their work to do.
This is your bus'ness, good Pug-Robiu, 1415
And your diversion dull dry bobbing,!
etymology be transferred frnm his redoubted name to the Dulch
baiiTC, a spectre ; but probably Minsheu gives the clue to this
most grave etymology when, after a bugge, a bugbear, he says
Belgic, Bietebauw, Beetebauw, a bijten, i. morilere et bauvv, i.
vox fictitia a sono quo solent infantes tprritare.]
* Servant-maids were told, if they left the house clean when
they went to bed, they would lind money in their shoes ; if dirty,
they would be pinched in their sleep. Thus the old ballad of
Robin Goodfellow, who perhaps was the sprite meant by Pug
Robin :
When house or hearth doth sluttish lie,
I pinch the maids both black and blue:
And from the bed, the bedcloths I
Pull off, and lay them nak'd to view.
Again, speaking of fairies :
Such sort of creatures as would bast ye
A kitchen wench for being nasty:
But if she neatly scour her pewter.
Give her the money that is due to her.
Every night before we goe,
We drop a tester in her shoe.
See also Parnell and Shakspeare, in many places,
t Robin Goodfellow, in the creed of ancient superstition, was
a kind of merry sprite, whose character and :ichievements are
frequently recorded, particularly in the well-known lines of Mil-
ton. In an ancient ballad, entitled Rdbin Goodfellow:
From hag bred Merlin's lime have I
Thus nightly revell'd to and fro,
And for my pranks men call me by
The name of Robin Goodfellow ;
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 359
T' entice fanatics in the dirt,
And wash 'em clean in ditches fort ;*
Of which conceit you are so proud,
At ev'ry jest you laugh aloud, 1420
As now you would have done by me,
But that I barr'd your raillery.
Sir, quoth the voice, ye 're no such sophyr
As you would have the world judge of ye.
If you design to weigh our talents 1425
I' th' standard of your own false balance,
Or think it possible to know
Us ghosts, as well as we do you.
We who have been the everlasting
Companions of your drubs and basting, 1430
And never left you in contest.
With male or female, man or beast.
But prov'd as true t' ye, and entire,
In all adventures, as your Squire.
Quoth he, That may be said as true 1435
By th' idlest pug of all your crew ;
For none could have betray'd us worse ;
Than those allies of ours and yours.l
But I have sent him for a token
To your low-country Hogen-Mogen, 1440
To whose infernal shores I liope
He'll swing like skippers in a rope :
And if ye've been more just to me
As I am apt to tliiuk, than he,
Fiends, ghosts, and sprightes,
Who haunt the nightes.
The hags and goblins do me know,
And beldames old
My feates have told,
So vale, vale, ho, ho, ho.
\ Pud;, Puff, Pouke ; a fiend. Puke, Diabolus. Ihre Gloss.
Suiogothiciini.j
Bobbing; that is, mocking, jesting with. Drij bobbing, a dry
jest, or bob: illusio, dicteriuni.
* See HoflVrian's Lexicon, iii. 305. Sub voc. Neptunus (ex
Gervas. Tilleberiens.) diemonis quoddam genus, Angli Portunos
noiiiinant. Poitunus nonunquam invisus equitanti se copulat, et
cuMi diutius comilatur, eundeni tandem loris arreplis equum iis
luluni ad iiianuni ducit, in quo dum intixus volutatur, protiiius
exiens cachinnum facit, et sic hujus modi ludibrio humanam
simplicitateni deridet.
t You are no such wise person, or sophister, from the Greek
a6<ioi.
i Meaning the Independents, or Ralpho, whom he says he
had sent to the infernal Hogen Mogen, high and mighty, or the
devil, supposing he would be hung.
360 HUDIBRAS. [Part ni.
I am afraid it is as truo 1-145
What th' ill-afFected say of you :
Ye 've 'spous'd the covenant and cause,
By holding up your cloven paws.*
Sir, quoth the Voice, 'tis true, I grant,t
We made, and took the covenant : J 450
But that no more concerns the cause,
Than other perj'ries do the laws,
Which, when they've prov'd in open court,
Wear wooden peccadillos for't :t
And that's the reason cov'nanters 1455
Hold up their hands, like rogues at bars.§
I see, quoth Hudibras, from whence
These scandals of the saints commence, H
That are but natural effects
Of Satan's malice, and his sects', 14(j0
Those spider-saints, that hang by threads
Spun out o' th' entrails of their heads.
Sn, quoth the Voice, that may as true^
And properly be said of you.
Whose talents may compare with either,** 1465
Or both the other put together :
For all the independents do,
* When persons took the covenant, they attested their obliga-
tion to observe its principles by lilting up their hands to heaven :
the covenant here means the solemn league and covenant
framed by the Scots, and adopted by the English, ordered to be
read in ail churches, and every person was bound to give his
consent, by holding up his hand at the reading of it. See Clar
endon's History. South, in his fifth volume of Sermons, p. 74,
says: "Their very posture of taking the covenant was an omin
" ous mark of its intent, and their holding up their hands was a
" sign that they were ready to strike." See line 485 of this can-
to. The solemn league and covenant has by many been com
pared to the holy league entered into by a large party in France,
in the reigns of Charles IX.. Henry HI., and Henry IV. Seu
this parallel carried on by Dugdale, in liis Slate of the Troubles
in England, p. 61)0.
t Ralpho, the supposed sprite, allows that they, the devil and
the Independents, had engaged in the covenant; but he insists
that the violation of it was not at all prejudicial to the cause
they had undertaken, and for which it was framed.
t A peccadillo was a stilf piece worn round the neck and
shoulders, to pin the ruti' or band to. Ludicrously it means the
pillory.
§ In some editions we read held up.
II The scandalous reflections on the saints, such as your charg-
ing the covenant with perjury, and making the covenanter no
better than a rogue at the bar.
IT Hudibras having been hard upon Satan, and the Independ-
ents, the voice undertakes the defence of each, but first of the
Independents.
** That is, either with the Independents or with the devil
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 361
Is only what you foic'd them to ;
You, who are not content alone
With tricks to put the devil down, 1470
But must have armies rais'd to back
The gospel-work you undertake ;
As if artillery and edge-tools,
Were tii' only engines to save souls :
While he, poor devil, has no pow'r* 1475
By force, to run down and devour ;
Has ne'er a classis, cannot sentence
To stools, or poundage of repentance ;1"
Is ty'd up only to design,
T' entice, and tempt, and undermine: 1480
In which you all his arts outdo.
And prove yourselves his betters too,
Hence 'tis possessions do less evil
Than mere temptations of the devil,t
Which, all the horrid'st actions done, 1485
Are charg'd in courts of law upon ;§
Because, unless they help the elf,||
He can do little of liimself ;
And, therefore, where he's best possest
Acts, most against his interest ; 1490
Surprises none but those who 've priests
To turn him out, and exorcists,
Supply'd with spiritual provision,
And magazines of amnuuiition ;
With crosses, relics, crucifixes, 1495
Beads, pictures, rosaries, and pixes ;
The tools of working our salvation
By mere mechanic operation :
With holy water, like a sluice.
To overflow all avenues: 1500
But those who're utterly unarm'd,
* He, that is, the Independent, has no power, having no
classis, or spiritual jurisdiction.
t The poor devil, says Ralpho, cannot thus distress us by
open and authorized vexations.
% He argues that men who are influenced by the devil, and
co-operate with him, commit greater wickedness than he is able
to perpetrate by his own agency. We seldom hear, therefore,
of his taking an entire possession. The persons who complain
most of his doing so, are those who arc well furnished with the
means of exorcising and ejecting him, such as relics, crucifixes,
beads, pictures, rosaries, &c.
§ Not liaviuL' the foar of God before their eyes, but led by the
instigation of the devil, is the form of indictment for felony, mur-
der, or such atro(Mous crimes.
II In some editions we read yov, help.
16
362 HUDIBRAS [Part iu.
T' oppose his entrance, if he slorm'd,
He never offers to surprise,
Altho' his falsest enemies ;*
But is content to be their drudge, 1505
And on their errands glad to trudge :
For where are all your forfeitures
Intrusted in safe hands, but ours?
Who are but jailors of the holes
And dungeons where you clap up souls ;t 1510
Like underkeepers, turn the keys,
T' your mittimus anathemas.
And never boggle to restore
The members you deliver o'er
Upon demand, with fairer justice, 1513
Than all your covenanting trustees ;|
Unless, to punish them the worse,
You put them in the secular powers.
And pass their souls, as some demise
The same estate in mortgage twice : 1520
When to a legal ultlegation
You turn your excommunication, §
And, for a groat unpaid that's due,
Distrain on soul and body too.||
Thought he, 'tis no mean part of civil 1525
State-prudence to cajole the devil.
And not to handle him too rough.
When he has us in his cloven hoof.
'Tis true, quoth he, that intercourse
Has pass'd between your friends and ours, 1530
That, as you trust us, in our way.
To raise your members, and to lay,^
We send you others of our own,
* The enthusiasm of the Independents was something new in
its kind, not much allied to superstition.
t Keep those in hell whom you are pleased to send thither by
excommunication, your mittimus, or anathema: as jailers and
turnkeys confine their prij^oners.
t More honestly than the Presbyterians surrendered the es-
tates which they held in trust lor one another; these trustees
were generally covenanters. See Part i. c. i. v. 76, and P. iii. c.
ii. V. 5j.
^ You call down the vengeance of the civil magistrate upon
them, and in this second instance pass over, that is, take no no-
tice of their souls: the ecclesiastical courts can excommunicate,
and then they apply to the civil court for an outlawry. Vllega-
tion, that is, outlawry.
II Seize th(! party by a writ de excommunicato capiendo.
ir Your friends and ours, that is, you devils and us fanatics:
that as you trust us in our way. to raise you devils when we
want you, and to lay you again when we have done with you.
Canto i.] HUDIBRAS. 363
Denounc'd to hang themselves or drown,*
Or, frighted with our oratory, 1535
To leap down headlong many a story ;
Have us'd all means to propagate
Your mighty interests of state,
Laid out our sp'ritual gifts to further
Your great designs of rage and murther : 1540
For if tlie saints are nam'd from bloodt
We oul' have made tiiat title good ;t
And, if it were but in our power,
We should not scruple to do more.
And not be half a soul behind 1545
Of all dissenters of mankind.
Rigiit. quoth the Voice, and, as I scorn
To be ungrateful, in return
Of all those kind good offices,
I'll free you out of this distress, 1550
And set you down in safety, where
It is no time to tell you here.
The cock crows, and the morn draws on,
When 'tis decreed I must be gone ;
And if I leave you here till day, 1555
You'll find it hard to get away.
With that the Spirit grop'd about
To find th' enchanted hero out,
And try'd with haste to lift him up,
But found his forlorn hope, his crup,§ 1560
Unserviceable with kicks, and blows,
Receiv'd from harden'd-hearted foes.
He thought to drag him by the heels,
Like Gresham-carts, with legs for wheels ;||
But fear, that soonest cures those sores, 1565
In danger of relapse to worse,
* It is probable that the Presbyterian doctrine of reprobation
had driven some persons to suicide. So did Alderman Hoyle, a
member of the house. See Birkenhead's Paul's Churchyard.
t Sanctus, from san^is, blood.
i i. e. we fanatics of this island only have merited that title
by spilling much blood.
§ His back is called his forlorn hope, because that was jren-
erally exposed to danger, to save the rest of his body : a reflec-
tion on his courage.
II Mr. Butler does not forget tlie Royal Society. March 4, 1662,
a scheme of a cart with legs that moved, instead of wheels, was
brought before the Royal Society, and referred to the considera-
tion of Mr. Hooke. The inventor was Mr. Potter. Mr. Hooke
was ordered to draw up a full description of this cart, which,
together with the animadversions upon it, was to be entered in
the books of the Society.
364 HUDIBRAS. [Part iii.
Came in t' assist him with its aid,
And up his sinking vessel weigh'd.
No sooner was he fit to trudge,
But both made ready to dislodge ; 1570
The Spirit hors'd him like a sack.
Upon the vehicle his back,
And bore him headlong into th' hall,
With some few rubs against the wall ;
Where, finding out the postern lock'd, 1575
And th' avenues so strongly block'd,
H' attack'd the window, storm'd the glass,
And in a moment gain'd the pass ;
Tliro which lie dragg'd the worsted soldier's
Four-quarters out by th' head and shoulders, 1580
And cautiously began to scout
To find tiieir fellow-cattle out :
Nor was it half a minute's quest.
Ere he retriev'd the champion's beast,
Ty'd to a pale, instead of rack, 1585
But ne'er a saddle on his back.
Nor pistols at the saddle bow,
Convey'd away, the Lord knows how.
He thought it was no time to stay,
And let the night too steal away ; 1590
But in a trice, advauc'd tiie Knight
Upon tiie bare ridge, bolt upright.
And, groping out for Ralpho's jade.
He found the saddle too was stray'd,
And in the place a lump of soap, 1595
On which he speedily leap'd up:
And, turning to the gate the rein,
He kick'd and cudgell'd on amain ;
While Hudibras, with equal haste,
On both sides laid about as fast, 1600
And spurr'd as jockies use, to break,
Or padders to secure a neck :*
Where let us leave 'em for a time,
And to their churches turn our rhyme ;
To hold forth their declining state, 1G05
Which now come near an even rate.t
* Jockies endanger their necks by spurring their horses, and
galloping very fast : but highwaymen, or padders, so called from
the Waxon paap, highway, endeavor to save their necks by the
same exertions.
t The time now approached when the Presbyterians and In-
dependents were to fall into equal disgrace, and resemble the
doleful condition of the knight and sqnire.
Canto i.] IIUDIBRAS. 365
The two last conv^sations have much unfolded the views of
the confederate sects, and prepare the way for the business of
the subsequent canto. Their ditferences will there be aijitated
by characters of higher consequence : and their mutual re-
proaches will again enable the poet to expose the knavery and
hypocrisy of each. This was the principal intent of the work.
The fable was considered by him only as the vehicle of his sa
tire. And perhaps when he published the First Part, he had no
more determined what was to follow in the second, than Tristatn
Shandy had on a like occasion. The fable itself, tlie bare out-
lines of which I conceive to be borrowed, mutatis mutandis,
from Cervantes, seems here to be brought to a period. The next
canto has the form of an episode. The last consists chiefly of
two dialogues and two letters. Neither knight nor squire have
any further adventures.
PART III. CANTO II.
THE ARGUMENT.
The Saints engage in fierce contests
About their carnal interests,
To slmre their sacrilegious preys
According to their rates of grace :
Their various frenzies to reform,
When Cromwell left them in a storm 5
Till, in th' effige of Rumps, the rabble
Burn all their grandees of the cabal.
H U D I B R A S
\.
CANTO II*
The learned write, an insect breese
Is but a mongrel prince of bees,t
That fails before a storm on cows,
And stings the founders of his house ;
* The ditlerent complexion of this canto from the others, and
its unconnected state, may be accounted for by supposing it
written on the spur of the occasion, and with a politic view to
reconnnen<l the author to his friends at court, by a new and
fierce attack on the opposite faction, at a time when the real or
pretended patriots were daily gaining ground, and the secret
views of Charles II. were more and more suspected and dread-
ed. A short time before the third part of thi.s poem was pub-
lished, Shaftesbury had ceased to be a niinlsler, and became a
furious demagogue. But the canto describes the spirit of parties
not long before the Restoration^ rTn'e~6Tiject of snttre here fs fo
feruT6~afltl ridicule theplca of the Presbyterians after the Ref-
ormation, of having been the principal instruments in bringing
back the king. Of this they made a great merit in the reign of
Vfharles II., and therefore Butler examines it v. 782, et seq. — v.
10-23, et seq.— v. 1185-1189, et. seq.
The discourses and disputations in this, and the following
canto, are long, and fatigue the attention of many readers. If it
had not been taking too great a liberty with an author who pub-
lished his own works, I should certainly have placed this canto
last, as it is totally unconnected with the story of the poem, and
relates to a long time after the actions of the other cantos.
t What the learned, namely, Varro, Virgil, &c., write concern-
ing bees being jiroduced from the putrid bodies of cattle, is here
applied by our author to the breese, or gad-bee, which is said
by the learned Pliny, in his Natural History, xi. IG, to be apis
grnndior quae ca;teras I'ugat : hence it may fairly be styled a
prince of bees, yet. but a mongrel prince, because not strictly and
properly a bee. Varro in Gesner's edition de Re Kustica, iii. 16,
says, primum apes nascuntur partim ex apibus, partim ex hubulo
corpore putrefacto. Itaque Archelaus in Epigrammate, ait, eas
esse (iodi (pdi/Jiivii Trt-rtOTfifitva riKva. Idem cirTrui' ytiv cfrjKes
yivca, i^Saxijiv if ficXiaaat. The last line, with some variation,
is in the Theriaca of Aicander. (-'olumella ix. 14, says, the no-
tifin of genera ting bees from a heifer is as old as Democritus, and
continued by Mago. Both Philetas and Callimachus called bees
Povytve'ii. See Hesych. Virgil, in his fourth Georgic, 1. 281,
says :
368 HUDIBRAS. [Part ra.
From whose corrupted flesh that breed 5
Of vermin did at first proceed.*
So, ere the storm of war broke out,
Religion spawn'd a various routt
Of petulant capricious sects.
The maggots of corrupted texts, J 10
That first run all religion down,
And after ev'ry swarm its own :
For as the Persian Magi once
Upon their mothers got their sons,
Sed si (iiieiii proles subito defecerit omnis.
Nee, genus unde nov;e stirpis revocetur, habebil;
Teiiipiis et ArciuUi memoranda inventa magistri
Pamlore, quoiiue iiiodo c;esis jam Siepe juvencis
Insiiicerus apes tuleril cruor.
For the effect the Oeslron has on cattle, see Virg. Georg. iii
14G, et seq. " On the b:icks of cows," says Mr. Derham, " in the
" suii.nier months, there are maggots generated, which in Essex
" we call weovils ; which are tirst only small knots in the skin,
" and, I suppose, no other than eggs laid there by some insect.
" By degrees these knots grow bigger, and contain in them a
" maggot, which may be sijueezed out at a hole they have al-
" ways open." Mr. Derham could never discover what animal
they turn to. I doubt not luit it is to this gad-fly or breese ;
and that their slinging the cows is not only to suck their blood,
but to perforate the skin for the sake of laying their eggs with-
in it.
* They may jiroceed from the flesh of cows in the manner
above mentioned, that is, as from the place in which they are
bred, but not from the matter out of which they are generated.
The note on this passage, in the old edition, together with many
others, convince me that the annotations on the third part of
Hudibras could not he written by Butler.
t No less than 180 errors and heresies were propagated in the
city of London, as Mr. Case told the parliament in his thanks-
giving sermon for the taking of Chester.
i The Independents were charged with altering a te.xt of
Scripture. (Acts vi. 3,) in order to authorize them to appoint
their own ministers. "Therefore, brethren, look ye out among
"you seven men of honest report, full of the Holy Ghost and
" wisdom, whom loe n>ay appoint over this business." Mr. Field
is said to liave printed ?/f instead of we in several editions, and
particularly in his beautiful folio edition of 11)59, and the octavo
of 16(31. Dr. Grey says, he had heard that the first printer of
this forgery received X1500 for it. This mistake the Doctor was
led into by Dr. Wotton, but he very handsomely corrects it in
his Supplement. The erratum of the press, for such it seems to
have been, being a mistake only of a single letter, was observed
first in that printed at Cambridge by Buck and Daniel. 1038, folio,
so that it is falsely said by several writers, that, this forgery crept
into the te.\t in the time of the usurpation, and during the reign
of Independency. See Lewis's History of the English Transla-
tions of the Bible, p. 340, and .1. Berriman's Critical Dissertation
on 1 Tim. iii. 1(3, p. 5-2. But corrupted te.\ts allude rather to false
interpretations than to false readings.
Canto n.] IFUDIBRAS. 369
That were incapable t' enjoy 15
That empire any other way ;*
So presbyter begot the othert
Upon the good old cause, his mother
That bore them like the devil's dam,^
Whose son and husband are the same ; * SO
And yet no nat'ral tie of blood.
Nor int'rest for the common good,
Could, when their profits interfer'd.
Get quarter for each other's beard :§
For when they thriv'd they never fadg'd,|| 25
* " It was from this time, viz. about 521 years belbre Christ,
" that they first had the name of Magians, which signifying the
" crop-eared, it was then given unto them by way of nickname
" and contempt, because of the impostor (Smerdis) who was then
" cropped : for Mifje-Gush signified, in the language of the country
" then in use, one that had his ears cropped." Prideaiix' Con
nection. From hence, perhaps, might come the proverb, "Who
" made you a conjurer and did not crop your ears." Catullus
says :
Nam magus ex matre et gnato gignatur oportet,
Si vera est Persarum impia relUgio. Ixxxvil. 3.
Ovid says :
Gentes esse ferunttir
In qnibus et nato genitrix, et nata parenti
Jungitur, et pietas geminato crescit amore.
Met. X. 332.
Hipaai Si, Kal /idXig-a aiiTuiv o'l ao(piav aaKuv doKovures ot
fidyoi, yofioDcrt Tui ittjTtpai.
Sext. Emp. Pyrrhon. Hypotypos. lib. iii. c. 24.
The poet cannot mean the Persian empire, which was only in
the hands of the Magi for a few months ; but he must intend the
office of Anhimagus, or the presidency of the Magi, which he
was best entitled to who was in this manner begotten. Zoroas-
ter, the first institutor of the sect, allowed of incestuous mar-
riages: he maintained the doctrine of a good and bad principle;
the former was worshipped under the emblem of fire, which
they kept constantly burning.
t The Presbyterians first liroke down the pale of order and dis-
cipline, and so made way for the Independents and every other
sect.
t This is not the first time we have heard of the devil's mo-
ther. In Wolfii Memorabilia, is a 'quotation from Erasmus.
" Si tu es diabolus, ego sum mater illius." And in the Agamem-
non of ^schylus, Cassandra, after loading Clytemnestra with
every opprobrious name she can think of, calls her (fSov fir/Tipa.
The translator of Hudibras into French, remarks in a note, that
this passage alludes to some lines in the secon<l book of Milton's
Paradise Lost, in the description of Sin and Death.
^ When the Presbyterians prevailed, Calamy, being asked
what he would do with the Anabaptists, Antinomians, and
others, replied, that he would not meddle with their consciences,
but only with their boilies and estates.
II That is, never agreed ; from the Teutonic, fugen. See
Skinner. The same word is used v. 256.
16*
370 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
But only by the ears engag'd ;
Like dogs that snarl about a bone,
And play togetlier when they've none ;
As by their truest characters,
Their constant actions, plainly appears. 30
Rebellion now began, for lack
Of zeal and plunder, to grow slack ;
The cause and covenant to lessen,
And providence to b' out of season :
For now there was no more to purchase 35
O th' king's revenue, and tiie churches.
But all divided, shar'd, and gone,
That us'd to urge tlio brethren oa ;
Wiiicli forc'd the stubborii'st for the cause
To cross the cudgels to the laws,* 40
That what by breaking them they'ad gain'd
By their support might be maintained ;
Like thieves, that in a hemp-plot lie,
Secur'd against the liue-and-cry.t
For presbyter and indc])cndent 45
Were now turn'd plaintitf and defendant,
Laid out their apostoNc functions
On carnal orders and injunctions ;
And all their precious gifts and graces
On outlawries and scire facias ; 50
At Michael's term had many a trial.
Worse than the dragon and St. Michael,
Where thousands fell, in shape of fees,
Into the bottomless abyss.
For when, like brethren, and like friends, 55
They came to share their dividends,!:
And ev'ry partner to possess
His chuich and state joint-pui'chases,
In which the ablest saint, and best,
* Cudgels across one another denote a challenge : to cross the
cudgels to the laws, is to oti'er to fiiiht in defence of them.
t It may mean a plat oV growing hemp, which being a thick
cover, a rogue may lie concealed therein, secure from all dis-
covery of hue-.ind-cry : " Thus," says Butler in his Remains,
vol. ii. p. 384, " he shelters himself under the cover of the lavy,
" like a thief in a hemp-plat, and mukes that secure him which
" was intended for his destruction."
t About the year 1G49, when the estates of the King and
Church were sold, great arrears were due to the army: for the
discharge of which some of the lands were allotted, and whole
regiments joined together in the manner of a corporation. The
distribution afterwards was productive of many lawsuits, the
person whose name was put in trust often claiming the whole,
ot a larger share than he was entitled to.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 371
Was iiain'd in trust by all the rest, 60
To pay tlieir money, and instead
Of ev'ry brother, pass the deed ;
He strait converted all his gifts
To pious frauds and holy shifts,
And settled all the other shares* 65
Upon his outward man and 's heirs ;
Held all they claim'd as forfeit lands
Deliver'd up into his hands.
And pass'd upon his conscience
By pre-entail of Providence ; 70
Impeach'd the rest for reprobates,
That had no titles to estates.
But by their spiritual attaints
Degraded from the right of saints.
This b'ing reveai'd, they now begun 75
With law and conscience to fall on,
And laid about as hot and brain-sick
As th' utter barrister of Swanswick :t
Engag'd with money bags, as bold
As men with sand-bags did of old,] 80
* Perhaps a better reading would be, as in some editions,
tellers' ^^hares.
t William Prynne, before mentioned, bnrn at Swanswick, in
Somersetshire, and barrister of Lincoln's Inn. The poet calls
him hot and brainsick, because he was a restless and turbulent
man. VVhitelock calls him the busy iMr. Prynne, which title
he gives him on occasion of liis joining witli one Walker in
prosecuting Colonel Fiennes for the surrender of Bristol. Walk-
er had been present at the siege, and had lost a good fortune
by the surrender: but Prynne (he tells us) was no otherwise
concerned than out of the pragmaticalness of his temper.
There was an especial reason tor his being called the utlcr bar-
rister, for when lie was censured by tlie court of Star-chamber,
he was ordered (besides other punishments) to be discarded;
and afterwards he was voted again by the house of commons to
be restored to liis place; and practice as an j/fter barrister ; a
term which signifies a pleader witliin the bar, but who is not
king's counsel or sergeant.
X Bishop Warburton says: "When the combat was demand-
" ed in a legal way by knights and gentlemen, it was fought
" witli sword and lance : and when by yeomen, witli sand-bags
" fastened to tlie end of a truncheon :" see Shakspeare, the
second part of Henry the VI. "Pugiles sacculis non veritate
" ))ugilanles," made a part of the procession, when Gallienus
celebrated the decennalia of his accession to the CTupire. (Treb.
Pollio in Gallien. p. 178, ed. Paris, 1620.) Casaubon's note is,
"Qui incruento pugilatu volebant dimicare, saccis non coestibus
"manus muniebant. .Viunt ;iuti>m hi sacci vel tomento facti,
" vel alia re pleni, ipun graveni ictuin non reddercnt: pnta,
"ficorum granis, vel farina, vel furfuribus: inlerdum et arena
"sacculos implebant." Clirysostonius Injuiilia 20 in Epist(d. ad
Hebrx'os, ovk bpas Tov; aOXt'/ra; ruij dvXc'iKovi afinov nXrjaavTei
372 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
That brought tlie lawyers in more fees
Than all unsanctify'd trustees ;*
Till he who had no more to show
I' th' case, received the overthrow ;
Or, both sides having had the worst, 85
They parted as they met at first.
Poor presbyter was now reduc'd,
Secluded, and casiiier'd, and chous'd !t
Turn'd out, and excommunicate
From all affairs of church and state, 90
Reform'd t' a reformado saint,t
And glad to turn itinerant.
To stroll and teach from town to town.
And those he had taught up, teach down,§
And make those uses serve agen|| " 95
Against the new-enlighten'd men, IT
As fit as when at first they were
Reveal'd against the cavalier ;
Damn anabaptist and fanatic,
As pat as popish and prelatic ;] 100
And with as little variation.
To serve for any sect i' th' nation,
The good old cause, which some believe
oBto) yvfivaXiOVTai. See the same thoxight repeated in Butler's
Genuine Remains, vol. i. pp. 83 and 379, and vol. ii. 316. Sand-
bags in more modern history were really danfierous weapons ;
they became instruments of the executioner. C'est une inven-
tion des lUiliens pour tuer un homnie sans repandre de sang, de
le trapper rndement sur le dos avec des sachets remplis de
sable. Les nieurtrissures en sont incurables : la gangrene s'y
met; et la ninrt acheve le metirtre. The Spaniards are said to
have employed this mode of revenge to destroy Boccalini.
(Melanges par Vigneul Marville, vol. i. p. 11.)
* The lawyers got more fees from the Presbyterians, or
saints, who in general were trustees for the sequestered lands,
than from all other trustees, who were unsanctified. See v.
59, (iO.
t When Oliver Cromwell, with the army and the Indepen-
dents, had gotten the upper hand, they deprived the Presby-
terians of all power and authority ; and before the king was
brought to his trial, the Presbyterian members were excluded
from the house.
I That is, to a volunteer without office, pay, or coinmission.
§ Poor presbyter, or the Presbyterians were glad to teach
down the Independents, whom as brethren and I'riends (v. 5.5)
they had indiscriminately taught up ; the unhinging doctrines
of the Presbyterians having, in the long-run, hoisted up the In-
dependents in direct opposition to themselves.
II The sermons of those times were divided into doctrine and
use : and in the margin of them is often printed use the first, use
the second, &c.
IT That is, against the Independents.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 373
To be the dev'l that tempted Eve »
With knowledge, and does still invite 103
The vi'orld to niiscliief with new light,
Had store of money in lier purse.
When he took her for better or worse,
Bnt now was grown deform'd and poor.
And fit to be turn"d out of door. HO
The independents, whose first station
Was in the rear of reformation,
A mongrel kind of churcli-dragoons,*
That serv'd for horse and foot at once,
And in the saddle of one steed 115
The Saracen and Cliristian rid ;t
Were free of ev'ry spiritual order.
To preach, and fight, and pray, and murder,t
No sooner got tlie start, to lurch, §
Both disciplines of war and church, 120
And providence enough to run
The chief commanders of them down,
But cany'd on the war against
The common enemy o' th' saints.
And in a while prevail'd so far, 125
To win of them the game of war.
And bo at liberty once more
T' attack themselves as they'ad before.
* Many of the Independent ofTicers, such as Cromwell, Ireton,
Harrison, &c., used 10 pray and preach publicly, and many
hours together. The sermon ijrinted under the name of Oliver
Cromwell is well known to be a forgery. See Granger, Art.
Oliver Cromwell.
t Mr. Walker, in his History of Independency, says, "The
Independents were a composition of Jew, Christian, and Turk."
1 Tu preach, has a reference to the Dominicans ; to fjfht,
to the knights of Malta; to pray, to the fathers of the Ora-
tory; to murtlicr, to the Jesuits: of the latter, Oldham, Sat. i.,
speaks as
In each profounder art of killing bred:
and in Sat. iii..
Slight of murder of the subtlest shape.
But the Independents assumed to themselves the privilege of
every order: they preached, they fought, they prayed, they
murdered. Sir Roger L'Estrange says, in the reflection on one
of his fables, that the Independents did not take one step in the
whole track of their iniquity, without seeking the Lord first,
and going up to inquire of the Lord first, according to the cant
of those days. For further account of the Independents, see
Walker's History : the first part of which was published 1648,
the second in 1049, and the third written in the Tower, where
he was sent by Oomwell for writing it, 1651.
^ That is, to swallow up, to obtain fraudulently. See Skinner
and Junius.
374 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
For now there was no foe in arms
T' unite tlieir factions with alarms, 130
But all reduc'd aud overcome,
Except tlieir worst, themselves at home,
Wiio'ad compass'd all tli' pray'd, and swore
And fought, and preach'd, and plunder'd for,
Subdu'd tlie nation, church, and state, 135
Aud all things but tlieir laws and hate ;*
But wlien they came to treat aud transact,
Aud share the spoil of all they'ad ransackt,
To botch up what they'ad torn and rent, "
Religion and the government, 140
They meet no sooner, but prepar'd,
To pull down all the war had spar'd ;
Agreed in nothing, but t' abolish,
Subvert, extirpate, and demolish :
For kuaves and tools b'ing near of kin, 145
As Dutch boors are t' a sooterkin,t
Both parties joiu'd to do their best
To damn the public interest,
Aud herdi d only in cousults,t
To put by one another's bolts ; 150
T' outcant the Babylonian labourers.
At all their dialects of jabberers,
And tug at both ends of the saw.
To tear down government and law.
i,For as two cheats, that play one game, 155
/Are both defeated of their aim ;§
/So those who play a game of state,|| <.
ZAnd only cavil iu debate, ''
JAltho' there's nothing lost nor won,
- The public bus'uess is undone, ICO
* That is, the laws of the land, and haired of the people.
t A reflection upon the Dutch women, for their use of hand-
stoves, which they trcqucnllj' piU under their petticoats, and
from whence they arc said to produce souterkins with their chil-
dren. Mr. James Howel, in his leUers, calls it a Zncchie, and
says, " it is lil<est a bat of any creature." But Cleveland, p. 103,
says, " not unlike to a rat."
t That is, both parties were intimately united together.
^ For as when two che.its, equally masters of the very same
tricks, are both by that circumstance defeated of their aim, name-
ly, to impose upon each other, so those well-matched tricksters,
who play with state allairs, and by only cavilling at one another's
schemes, are ever counteracting each olber.
II This and the five following lines .are truly descriptive of
modern politicians, who use many words and little matter ; whose
excellence is rated by the number of hours they continue speak-
ing, and cavilling in debate.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 375
Which still the longer 'tis iu doing,
Becomes the surer way to ruin.
This when the royalists perceiv'd,*
Who to their faith as firmly cleav'd,
And own'd the rigiit they had paid down 1G5
So dearly for, the church and crown,
Th' united coustanter, and sided
The more, the more their foes divided :
For tho' outnumber'd, overthrown.
And by the fate of war run down, 170
Their duty never was defeated,
Nor from their oaths and faith retreated ;
For loyalty is still the same,
Whether it win or lose the game ;
True as the dial to the sun, 175
Altho' it be not shin'd upon.t
But when these bretlieren in evil,t
Their adversaries, and the devil.
Began once more to shew them play,
And hopes, at least, to have a day, 180
They rally'd in parade of woods,
And unfrequented solitudes ;
•^ouven'd at midnight in outhouses,
T' appoint new-rising rendezvouses.
And, with a pertinacy unmatcii'd, 185
For new recruits of danger watch'd.§
No sooner was one blow diverted.
But up another party started.
And as if Nature too, in haste.
To furnish our supplies as fast, 190
Before her time had turn'd destruction,
T' a new and numerous production ;||
No sooner those were overcome,
But up rose others in their room.
* A fine encomium on the royalists, their prudence, and suf-
tering fidelity.
t As the dial is invariable, and always open to the sun when-
ever its rays can show the time of day, though the weather is
often cloudy, and ohscures its lustre: so true loyally is always
ready to serve its king and country, though it often sutlers great
afllictions and distresses.
+ The poet, to serve liis metre, lengthens words as well as
contracts tiiem ; thus lightening, oppugne, sarcasraous, atfairec,
bungleing, .•^prinkloing, lionigne.
^ Recruit-:, that is, returns.
II Tiie >ucces-ion of loy.i lists was so quick, that they seemed to
be peri-hiiig, and.)thcrs supplying their places, before the periods
usual in nature; all which is expressed with an allusion to
equivocal generation.
376 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
That, like the christian faith, increas'd, 195
The more, the more tliey were siippress'd •
Whom neither chains, nor transportation,
Proscription, sale or confiscation,
Nor all the desperate events
Of former try'd experiments, 200
Nor wounds, could terrify, nor mangling,
To leave off loyalty and dangling.
Nor death, with all his bones, afiright
From vent'ring to maintain the right,
From staking life and fortune down 205
'Gainst all together, for the crown :*
But kept the title of their cause
From forfeiture, like claims in laws ;
And jjrov'd no prosp'rous usurpation
Can ever settle on the nation ; 210
Until, in spite of force and treason,
They put their loy'lty in possession ;
And, by their constancy and faith,
Destroy'd the mighty men of Gath.
Toss'd in a furious hurricane, 215
Did Oliver give up his reign,t
And was believ'd, as well by saints
As moral men and miscreauts,t
* That is, all of thein together, n;\niely, the sevend factions,
their lulvtrsaries, and tlie devil. See v. 178.
t The Muiulay before the death of Oliver, Atigust 30th, 16.58,
was the most windy day that had happened for twenty years ;
Dennis Bond, a menjlicr of the long parliament, and one of the
king's judges, died on this day; wherefore, when Oliver likewise
went away in a storm the Friday following, it was said the
devil came in the first wind to fetch him, but finding him not
quite ready, he took Bond for his appearance. Dr. Morton, in
his book of Fevers, says, that Oliver died of an ague, or inter-
mitlrnt fever; and intimates that his lile might have been
saved, had the virtues of the bark been sufficiently known ; the
distemper was then uncommonly epidenfical and fatal : Morion's
father died of it. As there was also a high win<l the day Oliver
died, both the poets and Lc)rd Clarendon may be right; though
the note on A. Wood's Life insinuates, that the noble historian
mistook the date of the wind. Wood's Life, p. 115. Waller
says :
In storms as loud as his immortal fame ;
and Godolphiii:
In storms as loud as was his crying sin.
I Some editions read mortal, but not with so mnch sense or
wit. The Independents called themselves the saints ; the cava-
liers, and the church of England, they distinguished into two
sorts; the immoral and wicked, they called miscreants; those
that were of sober and of good conversation, they called moral
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 377
To founder in the Stygian ferry,
Until he was retriev'd by Sterry,* 220
Who, in a false erroneous dreain,t
men ; yet, because these last did not maintain the doctrine of
absolute predestination and justification by faith only, but insist-
ed upon llie necessity of good works, they accounted theni no
better than moral heathens. By this opposition in the terms be-
twixt moral men and saints, the poet seems to insinuate, that
the pretended saints were men of no morals.
* It was thought by the king's party, that Oliver Cromv\'ell
was gone to the devil; but Sterry, one of Oliver's chaplains,
assured the world of his assumption into heaven. Sterry preach-
ed the sermon at Oliver's funeral, and comforted the audience
with the following information. "As sure as this is the Bliile
" (which he held up in his hand) the blessed spirit of Oliver
'' Cromwell is with Christ, at the right hand of the Father, and
"if he be there, what may not his family e.vpect from him ? For
"if he were so useful and helpful, and so much good influenced
"from him to them when he was in a mortal state, how much
" more influence will they have from him now in heaven: llie
"Father, Son, and Spirit, through him, bestowed gifts and graces
"upon them." Bishop Burnet hath recorded more rant of this
high-fiown blasphemer, as I find him called by A. Wood, viz. —
that praying for Richard Cromwell, he said, "Make him Ihe
" brightness of his father's glory, and the express image of his
" person." Archbishop Tillotson heard him. The following ex-
tract is from the register of Cavershani, in Berkshire, communi-
cated to me by the very ingenious and learned Dr. Loveday, of
that place, to whom I rejoice to acknowledge my obligations for
his assistance in the course of this work. " Vaniah Vaux, the
" daughter of Captain George and Elizabeth Vaux, was born upon
" a Monday morning, between seven and eight o'clock, at Caus-
"ham Lodge, being the 19th of May, 16.5f). and christened by Mr.
" Peter Sterry, minister and chaplain to the Highness the Lord
" Protector."
t Peter Sterry dreamed that Oliver wjs to he placed in
heaven, which he foolishly imagined to be the true and real
heaven above ; but it happened to be the false carnal heaven at
the end of Westminster-Hall, where his head was fixed after the
Restoration. There were, at that time, two victualling-houses
at the end of Westminster-hall, under the Exchequer, the one
called Heaven, and the other Hell:* near to the former Oliver's
head was fixed, January ^0, 16(J0. Cromwell, Ireton, and Brad
shaw, were drawn to Tyburn on three several sledges, and. be-
ing taken from their coffins, hanged at tlie several angles ; after-
wards their heads were cut off, and set on Westminster-U.ill.
The following is a transcript from a MS. diary of Mr. Edward
Sainthill, a Spanish merchant of those times, and preserved by
his descendiints. "The 30th of January, being that day twelve
" years from the death of the king, the odious carcasses of Oliver
"Cromwell, Major-general Ireton, a|ffl Bradshaw, were drawn in
" sledges to Tyburn, where they were hanged by the neck, from
•'morning till four in the afternoon. Cromwell in a green seare-
" cloth, very fresh, embalmed ; Ireton having been buried long,
• Those gentlemen who had been restrained in the court of wards, were led
through Westminsier-ttall, by a stronff guard, to that place under the Ex-
chequ'er, commonly called Hell, where tney might eat and drink, at their owo
costs, what they pleased.
378 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
Mistook the New Jerusalem,
Profanely for th' apocryphal
False heav'ii at the end o' th' hall ;
Whither, it ivas decreed by fate, 225
His precious reliques to translate.
So Romulus was seen before
" hung like a dried rat, yet corrupted aliont the ftindninent.
" Bnulshaw, in his winding-sheet, the fingers of his riglit hand
'■ :ind his nose iierished, having wet the sheet through ; tlie rest
" very perfect, hisonnich that I linew his face, when the hang-
'•man, after cutting his head off, held it up : of his toes, I had
" five or six in :nv hand, which the prentices had cut otT. Their
"bodies were thrown into a hole under the gallows, in their
" seare-cloth and sheet. Cromwell had eight cuts, Ireton four,
"being seare-cloths, and their heads were set up on the south-
"end of Westniinster-IIall." In a marginal note is a drawing
of Tyburn (by the same hand) with the bodies hanging, and the
grave underneath. Cromwell is represented like a mummy
swathed up, with no visible legs or feet. To this memorandum
is added ;
"Ireton, died the 2t)lh of November, 1651.
"Cromwell, the 3d of September, 1058.
" Bradshaw, the 31st of October, 1659."
In the same diary are the following articles: — "January 8th,
" 1661, Sir A. Haslerigg, that cholerick rebel, died in the Tower.
"The 17th, Venner and his accomplice hanged — he and another
"in Coleman stn;et ; the other 17 in other places of the city.
"Sept. 3d, 1662, Cromwell's glorious, and yet fatal day, died that
"long speaker of the long parliament, William Lenthall, very
"penitently." Yet, ;iccording to other accounts, the body of
Oliver has been dlfierently disposed of. Some say that it was
sunk in the Thames; others, that it was buried in Naseby-field.
But the most romantic story of all is, that his corpse was private-
ly taken to Windsor, and put in king Chiirles's c<iffin ; while the
body of the king was buried in state for Oliver's, and, consequent-
ly, afterwards hanged at Tyburn, and the head exposed ;it VVest-
minster-Hall. These idle reports might arise from the necessity
there was of interring the Protector's body before the funeral
rites were performed : for it appears to have been deposited in
Westminster- .Vbbey, in the place now occupied by the tomb of
the duke of Buckingham. The engraved plate on his coffin is
still in being. Sir John Prestwick, in his Republica., tells us,
" that Cromwell's remains were privately interred in a small
" paddock, near Holborn, on the spot where the obelisk in Red-
" lion-square lately stood." The account of Oliver's sickness
and death in Biog. Brit. ed. 2, vol. iv. p. 108, miiy be depended
upon, being taken from Bales' Eleiicbus Motinim, who attended
as his physici;in at tin; time. Ur. Morton says, anno 16.'i8, Febris
hicc, tarn spuria quam simplex, prie-ierlim inensibus autumnali-
bus ubiqne per totain ,\ngliam grassabatur, quod eliam WiUisius
in puretologia sua lestatus est. Olivarius Cromwellus, qui tum
tempnris rerum Brittannicarum potitus est, ct pater mens reve-
rendus, idemque medicus cxercitatissinuis, illo ijiso anno, ineunte
Septembri, cum ha;c constitntio ad a/c/^i;" pervenisset, hac felire
correpti, falls cedebant. Hoc tempore lere tota hac insula noso-
comii publici speciem pra; se ferebat, et in nonnullis locis saui
\ix supererant, qui ad ministrandum valetudinariis sufficerent.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 379
B' as orthodox a senator,*
From whose divhie iUumination
He stole the pagan revelation. 230
Next him his son, and heir apparent
Succeeded, tho' a lame vicegerent,t
Who first laid by the parliament ;
The only crutch on which he leant,
And then sunk underneath the state, 235
That rode him above horseman's weight.!
And now the saints began their reign,
For which they 'ad yearn'd so long in vain,§
And felt such bowel-hankerings,
To see an empire, all of kings. || 240
Deliver'd from th' Egyptian awe
Of justice, government, and law, IT
And free t' erect what spiritual cantons
Should be reveal'd, or gospel Hans-Towns.**
To edify upon the ruins 243
* Livy says, " Romulus, the first Roman king, Ijeing suddenly
" missed, and the people in trouble for the loss of him, Julius
" Proculus made a speech, wherein he told them that he saw
'• Romulus that morning come down from heaven ; that he gave
" him certain things in charge to tell them, and that he saw him
" mount up to heaven again." Proculus might have been as
creditable and orthodox as Peter Sterry, though not one of the
assendily of divines. But Dion. Halicarnas. a better antiquary,
and more impartial than Livy, relates, .xi. 56, that Romulus was
murdered by his own discontented subjects. What the anntjta-
tor to the third part has concerning Ciuirinus, he might have
taken from Dionysius, but neither this author nor Livy say a word
about making oath. Dionysius names the witness Julius, and
says he was a country liirmer: though our poet has exalted him
to the rank of a senator. In succeeding limes, when it became
fashionable to deify the emperors and their wives, some one was
actually bribed to swear, previously to the ceremony, that he
liad seen the departed person ascending into heaven. Hence,
on tho consecration coins, we find a person mounted on an eagle,
or peacock, or drawn upwards in a chariot.
t Richard Cromwell, the eldest son of Oliver, succeeded him
in the protectorship; but had neither capacity nor courage suffi-
cient fur the situation.
+ See Part i. canto i. 1. 925, where he rides the state ; but here
the state rides him.
§ Meaning the committee of safety. See Lord Clarendon, vol.
iii. b. xvi. ]). 544, and Baxter's Life. p. 74.
II They founded their hopes on Revelation i. 6, and v. 10.
If Some sectaries thought, that all law proceedings should be
abolished, all law-books burnt, and that the law of the Lord
Jesus should be recciveil alone.
** At liberty to erect free states and communities, like the can-
tons of Switzerland, or the Hans-town3 of Germany; or, in
short, to establish any polity which their holy zeal might find
agreeable.
380 HUDIBRAS. [Part ui.
Of John of Leyden's old out-goings,*
Who for a weather-cock hung up
Upon their mother-church's top,
Was made a type by Providence,
Of all their revelations since, 250
And now fulfill'd by his successors,
Who equally mistook their measures ;
For when they came to shape the model,
Not one could fit another's noddle ;
But found their light and gifts more wide 255
From fadging, than th' unsanctify'd.
While ev'ry individual brother
Strove hand to fist against another.
And still the maddest, and most crackt,
Were found the busiest to transact ;t 260
For tho' most hands dispatch apace.
And made light work, the proverb says,
Yet many ditF'rent intellects
Are found t' have contrary effects ;
And many heads t' obstruct intrigues, 265
As slowest insects have most legs.
Some were for setting up a king.
But all the rest for no such thing,
Unless king Jesus :| others tamper'd
For Fleetwood, Desborough, and Lambert ;§ 270
Some for the rump, and some more crafty,
For agitators, and tho safety ;||
* John Buckhokl, or Bokelson, a tailor of Leyden, was ring-
leader of a furious nibe of Anabaptists, who made themselves
masters of the city of Munster, where they proclaimed a com-
munity both of goods and women. This new Jerusalem, as they
had named it, was retaken, after a long siege, by its bishop and
sovereign count Waldeck ; and John, with two of his associ-
ates, was suspended in an iron cage on the highest tower of the
city. This happened about the year 1536.
f A very sensible observation, which has been justified too
frequently in other instances.
t "The tilth monarchy men," as Bishop Burnet says, "seem-
ed daily to e.xpect the appearance of Christ." Mr. Carew, one
of the king's judges, would not plead to his indictment when
brought to trial, till he had entered a salvo for the jurisdiction of
Jesus Christ: " saving to our Lord Jesus Christ his right to the
"government of these kingdoms."
§ Fleetwood was son-in-law to Cromwell, having married
Ireton's widow. He was made lord-deputy of Ireland, and lieu-
tenant-general of the army. Desborough married one of Crom-
well's sisters, and became a colonel, and general at sea. Lam-
bert was the person who, as Ludlow tells us, was always kept
in expectation by Cromwell of succeeding him, and was indeed
the best qualified for it.
II Some were for restoring the remnant of the long parliament,
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 381
Some for the gospel, and massacres
Of spiritual affidavit-makers,*
That swore to any human regence 275
Oaths of suprem'cy and allegiance ;
Yea, tho' the ablest swearing saint,
That vouch'd the bulls o' tli' covenant:
Others for pulling down th' high places
Of sj-nods and provincial classes,! 280
That us'd to make such hostile inroads
Upon the saints, like bloody Nimrods ■
Some for fulfilling prophecies, t
And th' extirpation of th' excise ;
And some against th' Egyptian bondage 285
Of holidays, and paying poundage :§
Some for the cutting down of groves, || ,
which, hy deaths, exclusions, and expulsions, was reduced to a
small number, perhaps forty or fifty, and therefore called the
runi]i. After the kinii's party was suhdued, and the parliament
began to talk of disbanding the army, or sending it into Ire-
land, a military council was set up, consisting of the chief offi-
cers, like the lords, and a nundjer of deputies from the infrtior
officers and common soldiers, like the commons, who were to
meet and consult on the interests of the army. These were
called agitators, and the chief management of affiiirs seemed to
be lc>r some time in their hands. When Lambert had broken
the rump parliament in IG.'i'J. the officers of the army, joined by
some of the members, agreed to form a committee of safety, as
they called it, consisting of between twenty and lliirly persons,
who were to assume the government, and provide for the safety
of the kingdom.
* Some were for abolishing all laws but what were e.xpressed
in the words of the gospel : fiir destroying all magistracy and
government, and for extirpating those who should endeavor to
uphold it ; and of those VVhitelock alleges, that he acted as a
member of the committee of safety, because so many were for
abolishing all order, that the nation was like to run into the ut-
most confu-ion. The agitators wished to destroy all records,
and the courts of justice.
t They wished to sec an end of the Presl)ytcrian hierarchy.
t That is, perhap-:. for takinir arms against the pope.
^ On theSthof June, IMT, an ordinance was published through-
out Engbind and Wales to abolish festivals, and allow the sec-
ond Tuesday in every month to scholars, apprentices, and ser-
vants, for their recreation. The taxes imposed by the parlia-
ment were numerous and lieavy : a pound rate was levied on all
personal property. For poinida^re, see Clarendon, vol. i. fol. 206.
II Thi:t is, for destroying the ornaments of churches, which
they sui)posed to be marks of idolatry and superstition. Mr. Gos-
ling, in his Walk about Canterbury, p. 193, tells a story of one
Richard Culmer, a minister of God's word, and M. A., who de-
molished a rich window of painted glass, and published an ac-
count of his exploit ; yet without noticing the tidlowing occur-
rence : "While he was laying about him with great zeal and ar-
" dour, a townsman looking on, asked him what he was doing 1
290
382 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
And rectifying bakers' loaves ;
And some for finding out expedients
Against the slav'ry of obedience :
Some were for gospel-ministers,
And some for red-coat seculars,*
As men most fit t' hold forth the word,
And wield the one and tli' other sword :t
Some were for carrying on the work 205
Against the po])e, and some the Turk :
Some for engaging to suppress
The camisado of surplices,t
That gifts and dispensations hinder'd.
And turn'd to th' outward man the inward ;§ 300
More proper for the cloudy night
Of popery than gospel-light :
Others were for abolishing
That tool of matrimony, a ring,)]
With which, th' unsanctify'd bridegroom 305
Is marry'd only to a thumb, H
" ' I am doiiij: the work of the Lord,' siiid he. ' Then,' repUetl
" the other, ' if it please the Lord 1 will help you ;' and threw a
" stone with so good a will, that if the saint had not ducked, he
" might have laid his own bones among the ruhliish he was nia-
" king. i\'. 15. He was then mounted on a ladder si.\ty feet high."
It is well known that groves were anciently made use of as pla-
ces of worship. The rows of clu:^tered pillars in our gothic ca-
thedrals, branching out and meeting at top in long drawn arches,
are supposed to have been suggested by the venerable groves of
our ances.tors.
* Some petitioned for the continuance and maintenance of a
gospel ministry. Some thought that laymen, and even soldiers,
might pr.each tlie word, as some of them did, particularly Crom-
well and Ireton.
fThe sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. Ephe-
sians vi. 17.
t Some sectaries had a violent aversion to the surplice, which
they called a rag of popery. Camisado or cumisade, is an expe-
dition by niglit, in which the soldiers sometimes wear their shirts
over the rest of their clothes, that they may be distinguished by
their comrades.
^ Transferred the purity which should remain in the heart, to
the vestment on the back.
II Persons contracting matrimony were to publish their inten-
tions in the ne.\t town, on three market days, and afterwards the
contract was to be certified by a justice of the peace : no ring
was used.
IF The word thumb is used for the sake of rhyme, the ring
being put by the brideuroom upon the fourth finger of the wo-
man's left hand. This is a very ancient custom, and not un-
known to the Greeks and Romans. Many whimsical reasons
are given for it. We are told by .Aulus Gellius, Noct. Attic, lib.
X. ch. to, that from this finger there goes a most delicate nerve
to the heart: but our ancestors were very fond of wearing
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 383
As wise as ringing of a pig,
Tliat us'd to breali up ground, and dig ;
The bride to nothing but her " will,"*
That nulls the after-marriage still : 310
Some were for tli' utter extirpation
Of linsey-woolsey in the nation ;t
And some against all idolizing
The cross in shop-books, or baptizing :|
Others to make all thinors recant ^15
thuinb-rinns : abbots were generally buried with ibeiii, in token
of ilieir connection, or iii;irri;)ue, with the religious house over
which tliey presided. [In early times tlie thumb was u-ed as a .
seal, (see Du Canf;e.) as it is to this day in attestations ; tVoni
thence the ses.! ring was worn upon the thumb, whicii arrur<ls
perhaps the best reason for aljliots being buried with them. But
in the te.\t it would seem th:it somethinu' more is uieant than
meets the ear; for Bniltr with his ficility of vcrsitic;iticin would
never have given such a rhyme for the rhyme's sake merely.
The following extract from No. 614 of the t^pectator seems to
throw a glimmer on the passage : " Before I speak of widows, I
" cannot but observe one thing, which I do not know liow to ac-
" count for; a widow is always more sought after than an old
" maid of the same age. It is comujon enough among ordinary
" people for a stale virgin to set up a shop in a ]]luce where .she
" is not known ; where the largp, thumb ring, supposed to be giv-
" en her by her husband, quickly recommends her to some
" wealthy neighbor, who takes a liking to the jolly w-dow, that
"would have overlooked the venerable spinster." Falstaft'says :
["I could have crept into any alderman's thumb-ring^]
* Mr. Warburton thinks this an equivoque, alluding to the
response which the bride makes in the marriage ceremony — " I
will." Mr. Butler in his Genuine Remains, voi. i. p. 240, says:
The souls of women are so small,
That some believe th' have none at all ;
Or, if they have, like cripples, still,
Th' ave but one faculty, the will.
t Were for judaizing. The Jewish law forbids the use of a
garment made of linen and wo(jllen. Lev. xix. 19.
X The Presbyterians thouuht it superstitious and popish to use
the sign of the cross in baptism ; or, even tor tradesmen to make
a cross in their books, as a sign of payment. Mr. Warburton
thinks the lines may refer to a proposal which was ujade by
some, for spunging all public debts: and perhaps, it is a sneer
upon the Anabaptists, who called themselves liberi hondnes. and
pretended they were made free by Christ, from i)ayment of all
taxes and debts ; and some Presbyterians made this a pretence
for not paying their private debts, lest they shcjuld give occasion
to the malting of crosses, and so be promoters of idolatry. Butler
unites the most trivial with the most important objects of re-
formation proposed by the finatic republicans of that time, and
means, that as the original nonconformists objected to the sign
of the cross in baptism, so now their successors carried their
aversion to that once veneratc<l form to such an extreme as to
call it idolatrous, when only used to cross out paltry debts in a
tradesman's ledger-book.
384 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
The christiun or sirname of saint,*
And force all churches, streets, and towns,
The holy title to renounce ;
Some 'gainst a third estate of souls,
And bringing down the price of coals ;t 32C
Some for abolishing black-pudding.
And eating notiiing with the blood in ;t
To abrogate them roots and branches, §
While others were for eating haunches
Of warriors, and now and then, 325
The flesh of kings and mighty men ;||
And some for breaking of their bones
With rods of iron,'^ by secret ones ;**
For thrashing mountains, and with spells
For hallowing carriers' packs and bells ;tt 330
Things that the legend never heard of,
But made the wicked sore afraid of.tt
* Streets, parishes, churches, and even the apostles them
selves, were unsainted for eight or ten years preceding the res
toralion. See the Spectator, No. 125.
t The first line may allnde to the intermediate or middle
state, in which some snpjiosed the soul to continue IVom the
time of its leaving the body to the resurrection ; or else it may
allude to the popish doctrine of purgatory. The former suliject
was warmly discussed about this time. The exorbitant price of
coals was then loudly complained of Sir Arthur Flazlerigg laid
a tax of four shillings a chaldron upon Newcastle coals, when
he was governor there. Many petitions were presented against
the tax;" and various schemes proposed for reducing the price
of them. Shakspeare says :
A pair of tribunes that have sack'd fair Rome
To make coals cheap. Coriolanus, Act v. sc. 1.
} The judaizing sect.
(J This line seems unconnected with the preceding, and I am
inclined to Ihink it misplaced. Clarendon nientif)ns a set of
men, who were called root and branch men, in opposition toothers
who were of more moderate principles. To abrogate, that is,
that they might utterly abrogate or renounce every thing that
had blood, while others were for eating haunches, alluding to
Revelation xix. 18. "That ye might eat the flesh of kings,
"and the flesh of Ciiptains, an<l the flesh of mighty men, and tlie
"flesh of horses, and of them Iliat sit on them, and the flesh of
"all men, both free and bimd, both small and great."
II Expecting, prrhaps, the completion of the text. Rev. xix. 18.
11 Ridiculing the practice, so conuiion in those days, of ex-
pressing every sentiment in terisis of Scripture. He alludes
perhaps to Psalm ii. 9; Isaiah xli. Li, and Revelation xix. l.i.
** Thus in the 83d Psalm and Sd verse, " And taken counsel
"against thy secret ones:" it is thus translated in their favorite
copy of Geneva. See this expression used v. 681, 697, and 706
of this canto.
tt See Zechariah xiv. 20.
it Things which the Scriptures never intended, but which
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 385
The quacks of government,* who sate
At th' unregarded liehu of state,
And understood tliis wild confusion 3:J5
Of fatal madness and delusion,
Must, sooner than a prodigy.
Portend destruction to be nigh,
Consider'd timely how t' withdraw,
And save their wind-pipes from the law ; 340
For one rencounter at the bar
Was worse than all they 'ad 'scap'd in war :
And therefore met in consultalion
To cant and quack upon the nation ;
Not for the sickly patient's sake, 345
Nor what to give, but what to take ;
To feel the pulses of their fees,
More wise than fumbling arteries ;
Prolong the snuff of life in pain.
And from the grave recover — gain. 350
'Mong these there was a politician,
With more heads than a beast in vision, t
And more intrigues in every one
Than all the whores of Babylon ;
So politic, as if one eye 355
Upon the other were a spy,t
That to trepan the one to think
the wicked, that is the warriors, kings, and mighty men, were
afraid of, lest they should break their bones and eat their fiesh.
* These were Mr. Hollis, Sir Anthony Ashley Cooper, Grim-
stone, Annesley, Manchester, Roberts, and others; who per-
ceiving that Richard Cromwell was unable to conduct the
government, and that the various schemers who daily started
up would divide the party, and facilitate the restoration of the
royal faujily, thought it prudent to take care of themselves, and
secure llieir own interests with as much haste as possible.
t Bir Anthony Ashley Cooper, afterwards earl of Shaftesbury.
See Bishop Burnet's character of him in the history of his own
times. In 16(i0, Ashley Cooper was named one of the twelve
niend)ers of the house of commons to carry their invitation to
the king ; and it was in perforn)ing this service that he was over-
turned on the road, and received a dangerous wound between
the ribs, which ulcerated many years after, and was opened when
he was lord-chancellor; hence, and from an absurd defamation
that he had the vanity to expect to be chosen king of I'oland, he
was called Tapsky ; others, from his genera! conduct, nicknamed
him Shiltcsbury.
With more licads than a beast in vision. Than the beast with
seven heads and ten horns, in the Revelation.
X Lord Shaftesbury had weak eyes, and squinted. He had
other disorders, which are mentioned in the Musa3 Anglicanae,
and in Butler's Remains, vol. ii. p. 30i). "He is intimate with no
" man, but his pimp and his surgeon." Character of an unde-
serving favorite.
17
386 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi
The atlier blind, both strove to blink ;
And in his dark pragmatic way,
As busy as a child at play. 360
He 'ad seen three governments run down,
And had a hand in ev'ry one ;
Was for 'em, and against 'em all.
But barb'rous when they came to fall :
For by trepanning th' old to ruin, 36S
He made his int'rest with the new one ;
Play'd true and faithful, tho' against
His conscience, and was still advanc'd :
For by the witchcraft of rebellion
Transform 'd t' a feeble state-camelion,t 370
By giving aim from side to side.
He never fail'd to save his tide,
But got the start of ev'ry state.
And at a change, ne'er came too late ;
Could turn his word, and oath, and faith, 375
As many ways as in a lath ;
By turning, wriggle, like a screw,
lut' highest trust and out for new •
For when he 'ad happily incurr'd,
instead of hemp, to be preferr'd, 380
And pass'd upon a government, t
He play'd his trick, and out he went ;
But being out, and out of hopes
* Those of the king, the parliament, and the protector. First
he was high slieriti' of Dorsetshire, governor of Weymouth, and
raised some forces fur the king's service. Ne.\t he jiiined the
parliament, took the covenant, and was made colonel of a regi-
meiit of horse. Afterwards he was a very husy person in set-
ting lip Cromwell to be lord protector; and then again was quite
as iictive in deposing Richard, and restoring the rump. Bishop
iiuriiet says of him, that he was not ashamed to reckon up the
m.iiiy turns he had made, and valued himself upon etfecting
ihnu at the projjerest season, and in the best inanner:
For close designs and crooked counsels fit,
Sagacious, bold, and turbulent of wit;
Restless, unfi.v'd in principles and i)lace,
In power unpleas'd, impatient of disgrace :
In friendship false, implacable in hate,
Resolv'd to ruin, or to rule the state.
Absalom and Achithophel.
t The camelion is said to assume the color of the nearest ob-
ject. See a treatise with this title among the works of Bu-
chanan, at the end of the first volume, printed in 17-23, written
to traduce Secretary Maitland, alias Lelhinglon, a politician of
similar talents.
t That is, passed himself upon the government.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 387
To mount his ladder, more, of ropes,*
Would strive to raise himself upon 385
The public ruin, and his own ;
So little did he understand
The desp'rate feats he took in hand,
For when luvad got himself a name
For frauds and tricks he spoil'd his game ; 39 1
Had forc'd his neck into a noose, t
To shew his play at fast and loose ;
And, when he chanc'd t' escape, mistook,
For art and subtlety, his luck.
So right his judgment was cut fit, 395
And made a tally to his wit,
And both togetiier most profound
At deeds of darkness nnder ground ;
As th' earth is easiest undermin'd.
By vermin impotent and blind. t 400
By all these arts, and many more,
He 'ad practis'd long and much before,
Our state-artificer foresaw
Which way the world began to draw :
For as old sinners have all points 405
O' th' compass in their bones and joints,
Can by their pangs and aches find
All turns and changes of the wind,
And better than by Napier's bones,§
Feel in their own the age of moons ; 410
So guilty sinners, in a state,
Can by their crimes prognosticate,
And in their consciences feel pain
Some days before a show'r of rain
He therefore wisely cast about 415
All ways he could t' ensure his throat,
And hither came, t' observe and smoke
What courses other riskers took,
* It was in clandestine designs, such as house-breaking and
tne like, that rope ladders were chiefly used in our poet's time.
t Perhaps it \vo\ild be better if for had, we read and, or he.
X The poet prnbutily means earthworms, which are still more
impotent and blind than moles.
% Lord Napier was one of the first establishers of the Royal
Society, a very considerable mathematician, inventor of log-
arithms, and of certain pieces of wood or ivory with numbers on
them, with which he performed arithmetical and geometrical
calculations, and these were called Napier's bones. See Lilly's
History of his own Lite and Times, p. 105, where he is called
Lord Marchiston.
388 HUDIBRAS, [Part m.
And to tlie utmost do his best
To save himself, and hang the rest. 420
To match this saint there was aaother,
As busy and perverse a brother,*
An haberdasher of small warest
In politics and state affairs ;
More Jew than rabbi Achithopliol,! 425
And better gifted to rebel ;
For when h' had taught his tribe t' spouse
The cause, aloft upon one house,
He scorn'd to set his own in order,
But try'd another, and went further ; 430
So suddenly addicted still
To 's only principle, his will,
That whatsoe'er it chanc'd to prove,
No force of argument could move,
* The old annotator applies this character to Ihe famous John
I.ilbourn ; and indeed it resembles him in many respects. But
Ihe time of the action in this canto iimiiediately i)recedes the
Restoration, IfitiO, and Lilhourn died August -JS, 11)57. The ap-
parent anaclironism may show that Butler did not desire to be
understood of Lilhourn or Shaftesbury, exclusively of others;
though doubtless the character of those two men furnished him
with the principal traits in the two pictures. In his Remains,
vol. ii. p. '.i7'2. are two speeches pretended to have been made in
the rump parliament, 1051), one of them by a Presbyterian, the
other by an Independent. They maintain the same sentiments
witli the following debate, but have no personal allusions to
mark the particular characters of the two speakers. " The
■■ reader," says Mr. Thye, " who has curiosity enough to com-
" pare, Vi'ill find a great similarity of argument in the two per-
" lormances ; and that the grave, distinct reasoning in the serious
" invective, serves very happily to illustrate the arch and satiri-
"cal drollery of the poetical banter." Colonel .lohn Lilhourn
had been severely censured in the star-chamber, fcjr dispersing
seditious pamjihlets ; and on the same account was afterwards
rewarded by the parliament, and preferred by Cromwell. But
when Cromwell had usurped the sovereign power, Lilbourn for-
sook him, and writing and speaking vehemently he w as arraigned
of treason. He was a grand leveller, and strong opponent of all
that was uppermost; a man of such an inveterate spirit of con-
tradiction that it was connnonly said of him, if the world were
emptied of all but himself, John would be against Lilbourn, and
Lilbourn against John. Though John was dead, his brother
Robert was living, and figured conspicuously. But perhaps the
poet might here mean some one more considerable than Lil-
bourn to oppose to Ashley Cooper.
t A smatterer in politics. Lilbourn had been bred a trades-
man : Lord Clarendon says a bookbinder ; Anthony Wood
makes him a packer.
t Achithophel was one of David's counsellors. He joined the
rebellious Absalom, and assisted him with very artful advice ;
but hanged himself when it was not implicitly followed. 2 Sam-
uel, xvii. 23.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 389
Nor law, nor cavalcade of Ho'born,* 435
Could render half a grain less stubborn ;
For he at any time would hang,
For th' opportunity t' harangue ;
And rather on a gibbet dangle,
Tlian miss his dear delight, to wrangle ; 440
In which his parts were so accomplish'd.
That, right or wrong, he ne'er was non-plust :
But still his tongue ran on, the less
Of weight it bore, with greater ease ;
And, with ita everlasting clack, 445
Set all men's ears upon the rack :
No sooner could a hint appear.
But up he started to picqueer,t
And made the stoutest yield to mercy,
When he engag'd ui controversy ; 450
Not by the force of caruHl reason,
But indefatigable teazing.
With vollies of eternal babble.
And clamour, more unanswerable :
For tho' his topics, frail and weak, 455
Cou'd ne'er amount above a freak,
He still maintaiu"d 'em, like his faults.
Against the desp'ratest assaults ;
And back'd their feeble want of sense.
With greater heat and confidence it 460
As bones of Hectors, when they differ.
The more they 're cudgeli'd, grow the stifFer.§
Yet when this profit moderated, ||
The fury of his heat abated ;
P'or notliing but his interest 465
Could lay his devil of contest :
It was his choice, or chance, or curse,
* When criminals were executed at Tyburn, they were gener-
ally conveyed in carts, by the sherifi'und his attendants on horse-
back, from Newgate, along Snow-hill, Holboni-hill, Flolborn,
Hi^h Hulborn, Broad St. Giles's, Oxford-street, and Tyburn-
road.
t In a conference with .lames II., held with Burnet on the sub-
ject of religion, Janjes said " He had piqueered with Sheldon
" and Morley, and found them nearer to popery than the young
" divines :" it is a niilitary term, and signifies to skirmish.
t When Lilbourn was arraigiied for treason against Cromwell,
he pleaded at his trial, that no treason could be committed
against such a government, and what he had done was in da-
fence of the liberties of liis country. •
^ A pun upon the word stiller.
(1 When liis interest swayed and governed him. Moderated
is a verb active.
390 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
T' espouse tlie cause for better or worse,
And with his worldly goods and wit,
And soul and body worshipp'd it :* 470
But when he found the sullen trapes
Possess'd with Ih' devil, worms, and claps :
The Trojan mare, in foal with Greeks,
Not half so full of jadish tricks,
Tho' squeamish in her outward woman, 475
As loose and rampant as Doll Common ;t
He still rcsolv'd to mend the matter,
T' adhere and cleave the obstinater ;
And still the skittisher and looser
Her freaks appeared, to sit the closer: 48C
For fools are stubborn in their way.
As coins are harden'd by Ih' allay :
iVnd obstinacy's ne'er so stiff,
As when 'tis in a wrong belief.t
These two, with others, being met, 9 485
And close in consultation set.
After a discontented pause,
And not without sufficient cause.
The orator we mentiou'd late.
Less troubled with the pangs of state, 490
Than with his own impatience,
To give himself first audience,
After he had awhile look'd wise,
At last broke silence, and the ice.
Quoth he. There's nothing makes me doubt 495
Our last outgoings brought about,
More than to see the characters
Of real jealousies and fears
Not feigu'd, as once, but sadly horrid,!]
* Alluding to the words in the office of matrimony : "With
" my body 1 tliee worship, and with ail my worldly goods I thee
" etulovv."
t A |)rostitiite in Ben Jonson's play called The Alchymist.
+ The same sentiment is difterently expressed in the Remains
vol. i. p. 181 :
For as implicit faith is far more stiff,
Than that which understands its own belief;
So those that think', and do but think, they know
.'\re far more obstinate t)ian those that do:
And more averse, tlian if they 'd ne'er been taught
A wrong way, to a right one to be brought.
$ A cabal met at Wliitehall, at the same time that General
Monk dined wilK the cily of London.
II Not feigned and pretunded as formerly, in the beginning of
the parliament, when they stirred up the people against the
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 391
Soor'd upon ev'ry member's forehead ; oOO"
Who, 'cause the clouds are drawn togetlier,
And threaten sudden change of weather,
Feel pangs and aches of state-turns,
And revolutions in their corns ;
And, since our workings-out are crost,* 505
Tlirow up the cause before 'tis lost.
Was it to run away we meant,
Who, taking of the covenant.
The lamest cripples of the brothers
Took oaths to run before all others, T 510
But in their own sense, only swore.
To strive to run away before,
And now would prove, that words and oatli
Engage us to renounce them both ?
'Tis true tho cause is in the lurch, 515
Between a right and mongrel-church ;
The presbyter and independent.
That stickle which shall make an end on't
As 'twas made out to us the last
Expedient, — I mean Marg'ret's fast ;1: 520
When Providence had been suborn'd.
What answer was to be return'd :§
king by forging letters, suborning witnesses, and making an out-
cry of strange plots being carried on, and horrible dangers being
at hand. For instance, the people were incensed, as if the
papists were about to fire their houses, and cut their throats
while they were at cluirch ; as if troops of soldiers were kept
under ground to do execution upon them ; and sometimes as if
the Thames were intended to be blown up with gunpowder, to
drown or choke them. Bates's Elench. JMotuum.
* Out-goings, and workings-out, were cant terms in frequent
use with the sectaries, signifying perhaps their endeavors, and
their works.
t These were the words used in the solemn league and
covenant, " Our true and unfeigned purpose is, each one to go
" before another in the example of a real reformation."
i The lectures and exercises delivered on days of public de-
votion, were called expedients. Besides twenty-five days of
solemn fasting and humiliation on extraordinary occasions, there
was a f.ist kept every month for about eight years together.
The commons attended divine service in St. Margaret's church,
Westminster. The reader will observe, that the orator does
not say Saint Margaret's, but Margaret's fast. Some of the
sectaries, instead of Saint Peter or Saint Paul, would in derision
say. Sir Peter and Sir Paul. The parliament petitioned the
king for fasts wliile he had power, and afterwards the appoint-
ing them themselves was an expedient they made use of to
alarm and deceive the people, who, upon such an occasion,
coulil not but conclude there was some more than ordinary im-
pending danger, or some important business carrying on.
§ These sectaries pretended a great tamiliarity with heaveri;
and when any villany was to Se transacted, they would seem in
392 HUDIBRAS. [Part iit
Else why should tumults fright us now,
We have so many times gone thro',
And understand as well to tame 525
As when they serve our turns, t' inflame '
Have prov'd how ineonsiderahle
Are all engagements of the rabble,
Whose frenzies must be reconcil'd
With drums, and rattles, like a child, 530
But never prov'd so prosperous,
As when they were led on by us ;
For all our scouring of religion
Began with tumults and sedition ;
When hurricanes of fierce commotion 535
Became strong motives to devotion ;
As carnal seamen, in a storm,
Turn pious converts, and reform.
When rusty weapons, with chalk'd edges,
Maintain'd our feeble privileges, 5^0
And brown-bills levy'd in the city,*
their prayers to propose their iloul)t3 and scruples to God Al-
mighty, and after having debated the matter some time with
him, they would turn their discourse, and In'ing forth an
answer suitable to their designs, which the people were to
look upon as suggested from heaven. Bates's Elencli. Mo
tuum. It was an observation in that time, that the first publish-
ing of extraordinary news was from the pulpit; and from the
preacher's text and discourse the hearers might judge, and com-
monly foresaw what was likely to be done next in the parlia
ment or council of state. Lord Clarendon.
* Apprentices armed with occasional weapons. Ainsworth,
in his Dictionary, translates sparum, a brown bill. Bishop
VVarburton says, to fight with rusty or poisoned weapons, (see
Shakspeare's Hamlet,) was against the law of arms. So when
the citizens used the former, they chalked the edges. Samuel
Johnson, in the octavo edition of his Dictionary, says, " Brown-
"biUwds the ancient weaiinn of the English foot," so Ccilled,
perhaps, because sanguined to prevent the rust : thus sportsmen
often serve their fowling-pieces to prevent too much glitter, as
well as the rust. Black-bill seems to be the opposite term to
brown-bill. See Sir T. Warton's life of Sir T. Pope, p. S'jG,
note. The conmion e])ithet for a sword, or otfunsive weapon in
the old metrical romances, is brown : as brown brand, or brown
sword, brown bill, &c., and sometimes even bright brown
sword. Chaucer applies the word rustle in the same sense : he
thus describes the reve, " And by his side he bare a rustic blade."
■^nd again, even thus the god Mars, " And in his hand he
■'had a rusty sword." Spenser has sometimes used the same
epithet. See Warton's Observations, vol. ii. p. 62. Perhaps
our ancestors deemed it honorable to carry their weapons
stained with the blood of Iheir enemies. In the ballad of
Robin Hood, and Guy of Gisborne, 1. 148, " with blades both
brown and bright." Percy's Reliques, p. 88. See verse 1508 of
this canto :
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 393
Made bills to pass the grand committee :
When zeal, with aged clubs and gieaves,*
Gave chase to rochets, and white sleeves,t
And made the church, and state, and laws, 545
Submit t' old iron, and the cause.
And as we thriv'd by tumults then,
So might we better now agen.
If we knew how, as then we did,
To use them rightly in our need : 550
Tumults, by which the mutinous
Betray themselves instead of us ;i
The hollow-hearted, disaffected,
And close malignant are detected ;
Who lay their lives and fortunes down, W5
For pledges to secure our own ;
And freely sacrifice their ears
T' appease our jealousies and fears :
And yet, for all these providences,
W are offer'd, if we have our senses, 560
We idly sit, like stupid blockheads.
Our hands committed to our pockets.
And nothing but our tongues at large,
To get the wretches a discharge :
Like men condemn'd to thunder-bolts, 565
Who, ere the blow, become mere dolts •,t
Or fools besotted with their crimes,
That know not how to shift betimes.
And neither have the hearts to stay.
With new-chalk'd bills, and rusty arms.
Butler, in his MS. Coiiimr)n-place book, says, " The confident
"man's wit is like a watchman's bill with a chalked edge, that
"pretends to sharpness, only to conceal its dull bluntness from
" the public view."
* Zealots armed with old clubs ; and gieaves, swords, from
the Latin, glaudis.
t Alderman Pennington, with some hundred of the rabble at
his heels, presented a petition to the commons signed with 15,000
names, praying that the government by bishops might be
abolished. Afterwards the apprentices were drawn down in
great numbers, to cry out at the parliament doors. No bishops,
No bishops ! By which, and the like means, the bill against the
bishops voting in parliament, and that against the earl of Straf-
ford, were made to pass the houses, and obtain the royal
assent.
+ Some of the ancients were of opinion, that thunder stupifi-
ed before it killed. See .Anmiian. Marcellin. Vejovis fulmine
mox tangendos adeo hebetari, ut nee tonitrum nee majores
aliquos possint audire fragores, xvii. 10, and Plin. Nat. Hist. ii.
54. Perhaps the notion may be as old as .(Eschylus : see biiS
Prometheus.
17*
394 HUDIBRAS. [PARTin.
Nor wit enough to run away : 570
Who, if we could resolve on either,
Might stand or fall at least together ;
No mean or trivial solaces
To partners in extreme distress,*
Who use to lessen their despairs, 575
By parting them int' equal shares ;
As if the more they were to bear,t
They felt the weight the easier ;
And ev'ry one the gentler hung,
The more he took his turn among. 580
But 'tis not come to that, as yet,
If we had courage left, or wit,
Who, when our fate can be no worse,
Are fitted for the bravest course.
Have time to rally, and prepare 585
Our last and best defence, despair :t
Despair, by which the gallant'st feats
Have been achiev'd in greatest straits,
And horrid'st dangers safely wav'd,
By b'ing courageously outbrav'd ; 590
As wounds by wider wounds are heal'd.
And poisons by themselves expell'd ;§
And so they might be now agen,
If we were, what we should be, men ;
And not so dully desperate, 595
To side against ourselves with fate :
As criminals, condemn'd to suffer.
Are blinded first, and then turn'd over.
This comes of breaking covenants,
And setting up exempts of saints, || 600
That fine, like aldermen, for grace.
To be excus'd the efficace :ir
* Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris.
I In some editions ; as if the more there were to bear.
% Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem.
^ Sneering Sir Kenelm Digby, and others, who assert this as a
fact ; indeed, oil is a good cure of the serpent's bite. See v. 1029
of this canto.
II Dispensing, in particular instances, with the covenant and
obligations.
IT Persons who are nominated to an office, and pay the accus-
tomed tine, are entitled to the same privileges as if" they had per-
formed the service. Thus, some of the sectaries, it" they paid
handsomely were deemed saints, and full of grace, though, from
the tenor of their lives, they merited no such distinction, corn-
muting for their want of real grace, that they might be excused
the drudgery of good works, for spiritual men are too transcend-
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 395
For sp'ritual men are too transcendent,*
That mount their banks for independent,t
To hangf, like Mah'met, in the air,t 605
Or St. Ignatius, at his prayer,§
By pure geometry, and hate
Dependence upon church or state ;
Disdain tlie pedantry o' th' letter,
And since obedience is better, 610
The Scripture says, than sacrifice,
Presume the less on't will suffice ;
And scorn to have the moderat'st stints
Prescrib'd their peremptory hints.
Or any opinion, true or false, fl5
Declar'd as such, in doctrinals ;
Bnt left at large to make their best on,
Without b'ing call'd t' account or quest'on:
Interpret all the spleen reveals,
As Whittington explain'd the bells ;|| 620
And bid tliemselves turn back agen
Lord May'rs of New Jerusalem ;
But look so big and overgrown.
They scorn their edifiers t' own.
Who taught them all their sprinkling lessons, 625
Their tones, and sanctify'd expressions ;
Bestow'd their gifts upon a saint.
Like charity, on those that want ;
ent to grovel in good works, namely, those spiritual men that
mount their banks lor inilepenilent. Efficace is an aliected word
of the poet's own coining, and .signifies, I suppose, actual ser-
vice.
* This and the following lines contain an elegant satire upon
those persons who renounce all dependence either on the church
or state.
t Etre siir les bancs, is to hold a dispute, to assert a claim, to
contest a right or an honor, to be a competitor.
+ They need no such support as the body of Mahomet ; which,
history fabulously tells us, is kept suspended in the air, by being
placed in a steel coffin between two loadstones of equal pow-
ers.
$ Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits. An old soldier :
at the siege of Panipeluna by the French he had both his legs
wounded, the left by a stone, the right broken by a bullet. His
fervors in devotion wi-re .so strong that they sometimes raised
liiiu two cubits from the ground. The same story is told in the
legends of Saint Oomiiiick, Xavicr, and Philip Neri.
jl In his imagination their jingle said,
Turn again Whittington,
For (hou in time shall grow
Lord-mayor of London.
Obeying the admonition, he not only attained the promised
honor, but amassed a fortune of X350,000. Tatler, No. 78.
396 HUDIBRAS [Part m.
And leani'd tli' apociyphal bigots
T' inspire themselves witii shorthand notes,* G30
For which tliey scorn and liate them worse
Than dogs and cats do sow-gelders :
For who first bred them up to pray,
And teach the house of commons way ?
Where had they all their gifted phrases, 635
But from our Calamies and Cases '?t
Without whose sprinkling a:id sowing,
Whoe'er had heard of Nye or Owen ?,t
Their dispensations had been stifled,
But for our Adoniram Byfield ;§ C40
* Learn'd, that is, taught. Jlpncryphal bigots, not geniiitip
ones, some suppose to be a kind of second-rate Independent di-
vines, that availed themselves of the genuine bigots or Presby-
terian ministers' discourse, by taking down the heads of it in
shorthand, and then retailing it at private meetings. The accent
is laid upon the last syllable of bigot.
t Calamy was minister of Aldermanbury, London, a zealous
Presbyterian and Covenanter, and frequent preacher before tlie
parliament. lie was one of the first who whispered in tlie con-
venticles, what afterwards he proclaimed openly, that for the
cause of religion it was lawful for the subjects to take up arms
against the king. Case, upon the deprivation of a loyalist, be-
came minister of Saint Mary Magdalen church, Milk-street;
where it was usual with him thus to invite his people to the
conununion : " You that have freely and liberally contributed to
" tlie parliament, for the defence of God s cause and the gospel,
" draw near," &c., instead of the words, " ye that do truly and
"earnestly repent you of your sins." He was one of the assem-
bly of divines, preached for tbe covenant, and printed his ser-
mon ; preached often before the parliament, was a bitter enemy
to Independents, and concerned with Love in the plot.
X Here read sprinkleing, or sprinkeling. Philip Nye was a
most virulent dissenting teacher, zealous against the king and
bishops beyond most of his brethren. He went on purpose into
Scotland to expedite the covenant, and preached before the
houses in England, when that obligation was taken by them.
He was at first a Presbyterian, and one of the assembly ; but af-
terwards joined the Independents. At the restoration, it was
debated by the healing parliament for several hours, whether
he should not be e.\cepted from life. Doctor Owen was a great
stickler on the Independent side, and in great credit with Crom-
well and his party. He was preferred by them to the deanry ot
Christ church, in O.xford. The Biographical Dictionary, in 8vo.
says, that, in IG-M, being vice-chancellor, he offered to represent
the university in parliament ; and, to remove the objection ot his
being a divine, renounced his orders, and pleaded that he was a
laynlan. He was returned ; but his election being questioned in
the committee, he sat only a short time.
\ Byfield was a noted Presbyterian, chaplain to Colonel Chol-
mondely's regiment, in the earl of Essex's army, and one of the
scribes to the assembly of divines. Afterwards he became min-
ister of Collingborn, in Wilts, and assistant to the commissioners
in ejecting scandalous ministers.
/
<S W H IT c
Canto ii,] HUDIBRAS. 397
And had they not begun the war,
Tliey 'ad ne'er been sahited as they are :*
For saints in peace degenerate,
And dwindle down to reprobate ;
Their zeal corrupts, like standing water, G45
In th' intervals of war and slaughter ;
Abates the sharpness of its edge,
Witiiout the pow'r of sacrilege :t
And tho' they've tricks to cast their sins.
As easy as serpents do their skins, t 650
That iu a while grow out agen.
In peace they turn mere carnal men,
And from the most refin'd of saints.
As nat'rally grow miscreants
As barnacles turn soland geese 056
In th' islands of the Orcades.§
* Had not the divines, on the Presbyterian side, fomented the
differences, the Independents had never come in play, or been
taken notice of.
t That is, ilthey have not the power and opportunity of com-
mittinj; sacrilege, by plunderinj; the church lands.
t Positis novus exuviis, nitidusque juventa. Georg. iii. 437.
§ Our poet was too good a naturalist to suppose that a sliell-
fish would turn to a goose: but in this place, as in many others,
he means to banter some of the papers published by the first es-
tablishers of the Royal Society. In the twelfth volume of the
Philosophical Transactions, No. 1.37, p. 935, Sir Robert Moray
gives an account of barnacles hanging upon trees, and contain-
ing each of them a little bird, so completely formed that nothing
appeared wanting, as to the external parts, for making up a per-
fect sea-fowl: the little bill, like that of a goose; the eyes
marked ; the head, neck, breast, and wings, tail and feet formed ;
the feathers every way perfectly shaped, and blackish colored ;
and the feet like those of other water fowls. See the Lepas
anatifera, Lin. Syst. 6G8. My friend, Mr. Pennant, observes,
(British Zoology, vol. iv. No. 9,) that the animal is furnished
with a feathered beard, which in a credulous age was believed
to be i)art (jf a young bird ; it is a native of hot climates, and
found adhering to the bottoms of ships. Heylin says, they are
bred in the Isle of iMan frou) rotten wood thrown into the water.
The Slime is mentioned by Camden, and by old Gerard in his
Herbal, who gives a print of tho goose itself in p. 1587, with a
cluster of the shells called Lepas anatifera, or barnacle shells,
which he calls Conchas anatifer.-e Britannicae, and by the wise
naturalists of the sixteenth century were thought to generate
the birds, which hung for a while by the bill, then fell into the
sea, and grew to maturity : they did not, like our poet, make the
tree goose a soland goose, luit the goose called the barnacle.
British Zoology, ii. 269. Sir John Mandeville, in his Voyages,
ch. 84, says, " In my country there are trees that do bear fruit
" that become birds flying, and they arc good to eat, and that
" which falls in the water lives, and that which falls on the
"earth dies." Ed. London, 17-22. Hector Boetius, in his History
of Scotland, tells us of a goose-bearing tree, as it is called in the
Orcades : that is, one whose leaves falling into the water, are
398 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Their dispensation 'b but a ticket
For their conforming to the wicked,
With whom their greatest difference
Lies more in words and shew, than sense : 660
For as the Pope, that keeps the gate
Of heaven, wears three crowns of state ;*
So he that keeps the gates of hell.
Proud Cerb'rus, wears three heads as well ;t
And, if the world has any troth, t 005
Some have been canoniz"d in both.
But that which does them greatest harm,
Their sp'ritnal gizzards are too warm,§
Which puts the overheated sots
In fevers still, like other goats ;|| G70
turned to those geese which are called soland geese, and found
in prodigious numbers in those parts. Thus the poet Dul)artas :
So slow Bootes underneath him sees
In th' icy islands, goslings hatch'd of trees,
Whose fruitful leaves falling into the water
Are turn'd ('tis known) to living fowl soon after.
Again :
So rotten planks of broken ships do change
To barnacles. Oh ! transforjiiation strange !
'Twas first a green tree, then a broken hull,
Lately a mushroom, now a flying gull.
The poet seems to have taken something from each of these
stories. In Moore's Travels into the inland parts of Africa, p.
54, we read : "This evening, December 18, 1730, I supped upon
"oysters which grew upon trees. Down the river (Gambia)
" where the water is salt, and near the sea, the river is bounded
" with trees called mangroves, whose leaves being long and
" heavy, weigh the boughs into the water. To these leaves
" the young oysters fasten in great quantities, where they grow
"till they are very large; and then you cannot separate them
" from the tree, but are obliged to cut olf the boughs. The oys-
" ters hanging on them resemble a rope of onions." Mr. Francis
Moore, son of a writing-master at Worcester, was many years a
factor in the service of the African Company, and travelled five
hundred miles up the river Gambia. These oysters are found
in Jiimaica, and niiiny other places.
* The pope, pretending to have the power of the keys, is
called janitor eccleslEe. The tiara or triple crown is a badge of
papal dignity.
t Cerberus ha;c ingens latratu regna trifauci
Personal /Eneis vi. 417.
} Many bad as well as good men have been honored with the
title of saints.
^ Persons are said to have a broiling in their gizzards when
they stomach any thing very much.
II Cai)ras sanas sanus nemo promittet, nunquam enim sine
febre sunt. Varro ii. 3, 5. Columella says they are extremely
sickly. And Plutarch ii. p. 290, that they are subject to epilep-
sies. In the notes on Varro, it is observed that the learned Co-
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 399
For tlio' the whore bends hereticks
Wilh flames of fire, Hkc crooked sticks,*
Our schismatics so vastly ditFer,
Th' hotter they "re they grow the stiffer ;
Still setting otT their sp'ritual goods, C75
With fierce and pertinacious feuds :
For zeal's a dreadful termagant,
That teaches saints to tear and rant.
And independents to profess
The doctrine of dependences ; 680
Turns meek, and secret, sneaking ones,t
To raw-heads fierce, and bloody-bones ;
And not content with endless quarrels
Against the wicked, and their morals,
The Gibellines, for want of Guelfs,t 685
Divert their rage upon themselves.
For now the war is not between
The bretliren and tb.e men of sin.
But saint and saint to spill the blood
Of one another's brotherhood, 690
Wiiere neither side can lay pretence
To liberty of conscience, §
Or zealous sufT'ring for the cause.
To gain one groat's worth of applause ;
P''or tho' endur'd with resolution, 695
'Twill ne'er amount to persecution ;
Shall precious saints, and secret ones,
Break one another's outward bones,||
And eat the flesh of brethren,
Instead of kings and miglity men ? 700
teler was suckled by a she-goat ; and in consequence, was a
valetudinary tiirougli life, sul)ject to meiarrcholy, and scarcely
ever wittiout a fever.
* Ttie pope of Rome is, by some, thought to l)e the same with
the whore of Babylon mentioned in the Kevelation: and the
Romanists are said to have attempted the conversion of infidels
by means of fire and fagots, as men made crooked sticks straiglit
by fire and steam.
t In some editions we have a better reading thus.
Turns meek, and sneaking secret ones.
} These names of distinction were first made use of at Pis-
toia, wbere, when the magistrates expelled the Panzatichi, there
clianced to be two brothers, Germans, one of whom, named
Gnclph, was for tlie pope, the other, Gibel, for tlie emperor.
The spirit of these parties raged with violence in Italy and Ger-
many.
^ That i^i, not having granted liberty of conscience.
II A sneer upcni the canting abuse of scripture |)hrases, alluding
to Psalm ii. v. 9; thus again 1. 328 nf this canto: the same may
be said of lines 326 and TOO.
400 IirjDlBRAS. [Part m.
When fiends agree among themselves,*
Shall they be found the greater elves ?t
When Bell's at union with the Dragon,
And Baal Peor friends with Dagon ;
When savage bears agree with bears,t 70')
Shall secret ones lug saints by th' ears,
And not atone their fatal wrath, §
When common danger threatens both ?
Shall mastiffs, by the collars puU'd,
Engag'd with bulls, let go their hold ; 710
And saints, whose necks are pawn'd at stake,l|
No notice of the danger take ;
But tho' no pow'r of heaven or hell
Can pacify fanatic zeal,
Who would not guess there might be hopes, 715
The fear of gallowses and ropes
Before their eyes miglit reconcile
Their animosities a while.
At least until they 'ad a clear stage,
And equal freedom to engage, 726
Without the danger of surprise
By both onr common enemies ?ir
This none but we alone could doubt,**
Who understood their workings-out.
And know 'em both in soul and conscience, 725
Giv'n up t' as reprobate a nonsensett
As spiritual out-laws, whom the pow'r
Of miracle can ne'er restore.
We, whom at first they set up under.
In revelation onlj' of plunder, 730
Who since have had so many trials
Of their encroaching self-denials,tl
* O shiime tn men ! devil with devil d;\mu'd
Finn concord holds Paradise Lost, ii. 496,
t They, that is the saints, see v. 689, 697.
X SKvis inter se convenit ursis. Jiiv. Sat. .w. 164.
^ Mone, that is, reconcile, see v. 717.
fl That is, and saints, whose all is at stake, as they are to be
hanged if things do not take a friendly turn. See v. 716.
IT That is. by the common enemies of us both.
** None but we alone could doubt that the fear of gallowses
might reconcile Iheir animosities, &c.
ft Given up to a state of reprobation and guidance of their
own folly, like persons under such an irrevocable sentence of
excommunication, that even their power of working miraclea
would never avail to gain them absolution, and reinstate them.
It The Independents got rid of the Presbyterian leaders by the
self-denying ordinance.
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS. 401
That rook'd upon us with design*
To oiit-rcform and undermine ;
Took all our int'rests and commands 735
Perfidiously out of our hands ;
Involv'd us in the guilt of blood,
Without the motive gains allow'd,t
And made us serve as ministerial,
Like younger sons of father Belial. 740
And yet, for all th' inhuman wrong
Th' had done us, and tlie cause so long,
We never fail'd to carry on
The work still, as we had begun :
But true and faithfully obey'd, 745
And neither preach'd them hurt, nor pray'd ;
Nor troubled them to crop our ears,
Nor hang us, like the cavaliers ;
Nor put them to the charge of jails,
To find us pill'ries and cart-tails, 750
Or hangman's wages, which the state
Was forc'd before them, to be at ;
That cut, like tallies, to the stumps,
Our ears for keeping true accompts,J
And burnt our vessels, like a new- 755
Seal'd peck, or bushel, for being true ;
But hand in hand, like faithful brothers,
Held forth the cause against all others,
Disdaining equally to yield
One syllable of what we held. 760
And though we difFer'd now and then
'Bout outward things, and outward men.
Our inward men, and constant frame
Of spirit still were near the same ;
And till they first began to cant, 765
And sprinkle down the covenant,
* That played Ihe cheat.
t That is, without allowing the gains which were the motives
W such actions.
t Tallies are corresponding notches which traders make on
sticks: they are planed away when the accounts are allowed,
or liquidated. The meaning seems to be, the state before the
public contusion made us suffer for keeping true accounts, or for
being true, culling our ears like tallies, and branding the vessels
of our bodies like a measure with the mark fresh upon it: the
tallies so cut as keeping true accounts: the measure so sealed,
or branded, as being a true one : this suits with the character of
Ijilbourn. t'ee note on line 4-2]. London and other towns have
the power of examining weights and measures, and usually put
their seitl U|ion such as are irneand just, which are thence called
sealed weights, and sealed measures.
402 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
We ne'er had call in any place,
Nor dream'd of teaching down free grace ;
But join'd our gifts perpetually,
Airuiust the conuiion enemy. 770
Although 'twas ours, and their opinion,
Each other's church was but a Rimmon.*
And yet, for all this gospel-union.
And outward shew of church-communion,
They'll ne'er admit us to our shares 775
Of ruling church, or state affairs,
Nor give us leave t' absolve, or sentence
T' our own conditions of repentance :
J>ut shar'd our dividend o' th' crown,
We had so painfully preacli'd down ; 780
And forc'd us, tho' against the grain,
T' have calls to teach it up again. t
For 'twas but justice to restore
'J'he wrongs wo had receiv'd before ;
And when 'twas held forth in our way, 785
VVe 'ad been ungrateful not to pay :
Who for the right we've done the nation,
Have earn'd our temporal salvation.
And put our vessels in a way,
Once more to come again in play : 790
For if the turning of us out.
Has brought this providence about.
And that our only sulFering
Is able to bring in the king,t
* A Syrian idol. See 2 Kings, v. 18. And Paradise Lost, 467 :
Him followed Rimmon, wiiose deliiilitfiil seat
Was fair Damascus, on tlie feriile banks
Of Abbana and Piiarphar, lucid streams.
The meaning is, that in our and their opinion, clmrch com-
nuinioii with each other was a like case with tliat of Naaman's
bowin!; himself in the house of Rimmon, equally laying both
under the necessity of a petition for pardon : the Independents
know that their tenets were so opposite to tliose of the Presby-
terians, that they could not coalesce, and there lijre concealed
them, till they were strong enough to declare them.
t The Presbyterians entered into several plots to restore the
king. For it was but justice, said they, to repair the injuries we
hnd received from the Independents; and when monarchy was
oftirril to be restored in our own sense, and with all the limita-
tions we desired, it had been ungrateful not to consent.
J Many of the Presbyterians, says Lord Clarendon, when
lusted of their preferment, or secluded from their house of com-
mons by the Independents, pretended to make a merit of it in
respect of their loyalty. And some of thein had the confidence
to present themselves to King Charles tlie Second, both before
and after his restoration, as sulferers for the crown ; though they
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 403
What would our actions not have done, 795
Had we been sufFer'd to go on ?
And therefore may pretend t' a share,*
At least, hi carrying ou tli' affair :
But whether that be so, or not.
We 've done enough to have it thought, 800
And that's as good as if we 'ad done 't,
And easier past upon account :
For if it be but half deny'd,
'Tis half as good as justify'd.
■' The world is naturally averse 805
To all the truth it sees or hears,
. But swallows nonsense and a lie,
'With greediness and gluttony;
And tho' it have the pique, and long,
'Tis still for something in the wrong :t 810
As women long when they 're with child,
For things extravagant and wild ;
For meats ridiculous and fulsome.
But seldom any thing that's wholesome ;
And, like the world, men's jobbernoles 815
Turn round upon their ears, the poles ;t
And what they 're confidently told,
By no sense else can be controH'd.
And this, perhaps, may be the means
Once more to hedge in providence. 820
For as relapses make diseases
More desp'rate than their first accesses ;
If we but get again in pow'r.
Our work is easier than before ;
And we more ready and expert 825
I' the mystery, to do our part :
We, who did rather undertake
The first war to create, than make ;§
And when of nothing 'twas begLm,||
had bern violent sticklers against it: this, their behavior, onr
poet ridicules in many places of this canto
* To make out the grammatical coDstruction, this verse must
be connected with verse 790.
t Pica is a depraved appetite, or desire of improper food to
which pregnant women, or sickly females, are sometimes sub-
ject.
t lien's heads are turned witli the lies and nonsense which
they hear, and attend to. See v. 1008.
$ By creating war, he means, finding pretences for it, stirring
up and fomenting it. By making war, he means waging and
carrying it on.
II Upon no occasion or provocation.
404 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
Rais'd funds as strange, to carry 't on : 830
Trepann'd the state, and fac'd it down,
With plots and projects of our own :
And if we did such feats at first,
Wiiat can we now we 're better vers'd ?
Who have a freer latitude 835
Than sinners give themselves, allow'd ;
And therefore likeliest to bring in,
On fairest terms, our discipline ;
To which it was reveal'd long since
We were ordain'd by Providence, 840
When three saints' ears, our predecessors.
The cause's primitive confessors,*
B'ing crucify'd, the nation stood
In just so many years of blood,t
That, multiply'd by six express'd 845
The perfect number of the beast,t
And prov'd that we must be the men
To bring this vi^ork about agen ;
* Burton, Prynne, and Bastwick, three busy writers at the
beginning of the civil war, were set in the pillory, and had their
ears cropped. Hence the poet jocosely calls them primitive con-
fessors. The severe sentence which was passed on these per-
sons, and on Leighton, contributed much to inflame the minds of
men, and to incense them against the bishops, the star-chamber,
and the government.
t The civil war lasted six years, from 1642, till the death of
the king in 1648-9.
t Alluding to Revelation, ch. xiii. 18. " Here is wisdom.
" Let him that hath understanding count the number of the
" beast : for it is the number of a man ; and his number is six
" hundred threescore and six." The n)ultipUcation of three
units by six, gives three sixes, and the juxtaposition of three
sixes makes 6C0, or, which comes to the same thing — three units
placed by the side of each other (111) is one hundred and
eleven, which, multiplied by (6) six, is equal to (006) six hun-
dred sixty-six, the number of the beast. This mysterious num-
ber and name excited the curiosity of mankind so early, that
even in the second century, Irenaeus started various conjectures
on the subject. He supposes the name may be Evanthas,
Lateinos, Teitan, &c., which last he prefers. But he adds, with
a modesty ill-imitated by later expositors — " Yet, I venture not
"to pronounce positively concerning the name of antichrist:
" for, had it been intended to be openly proclaimed to the pres-
"ent generation, it would have been uttered by the same person
" who saw the revelation." Fevardent discovered this number
in the name of Martin Luther, which originally, he says, was
Martin Lauter.*
* From Fevardent's Notes on Irenanis, I. v. c. 30, p. 487, ed.
Paris, folio, A. D. 1G75. Initio vocabatur Martin jMvter; cujus
nominis literas si Pythagorice et ratlone subducas et more He-
br^orum et Gra;coruni alphabeti crescat numerus, prinio mona-
Canto ii ] HUDIBRAS. 405
And those who laid the first foundation,
Compleat the thorough reformation : 850
For who have gifts to carry on
So great a work, but we alone ?
M
30
L
A
1
A
R
80
U
T
100
T
1
9
K
N
40
R
300
5
10
300
1
50
T
E
I
T
A
JN
Equal
toCGG
dum, (leinde dccadura hinc centurianim, numerus iioniinis Bes-
tia', id est, 6(50, tandem perl'cctum comperLes, hoc pacto.
20
1
200
100
5
80
I can make nothing of Luther, nor of the Greek alphabet: InU
let me read Lauter, and niiike numerals of the Latin alphabet,
and then things will liidixe or fit. Other names applicable to
Antichrist, collected by Fevardent from various authors are :
1 Evavdas 2 Aareivos 3 Turav
4 Apvovjiai 5 A(i;<7r£ris 6 O NtKrjTng
7 KoKOJ oitiyog 8 AXr;9»;s (iXaptpn;
9 nuXat pacTKavo; 10 Afuo; aSiKo;
11 AvTtiios 12 Tcv(77jpiKog.
The first three Greek names are proposed by Ircnajus. Fe-
vardent prefers Maometis to them all.
Jrcna-us's rational reflection on th.e whole is luckily pri'served
in the original Greek (tor in general only a barbarous Latin ver-
sion of this father remains) by Eusebius, Hist. Eccl. v. 8.
'H/itTs ovv ovK a-KOKtvivi'tvoptv ireoi tov dvoijnros tou Avti-
Xpi?uv d-o0ain5/<£i'O( (hPaiwriKCig. EZ yUp cici dvaipaviov
TO) ^i;i' Kaipui KripvTTtaOai Tuviopa avTov, iC tKi'.vov uv ippiOp
TOV Kai Tijv aTroKaXv^j/tv iwpaKOToi.
That this mark of Antichrist engaged the attention of the sec-
taries, will appear by the followins quotation from the pretended
posthumous works of Mr. I?utler, in the character of an assem-
bly man. '■ O how they have torn poor bishops' nan)es to pick
"out the number GG6. Little dreaming that a wliole baker's
" dozen of their own assembly have that beastly number in each
•' of their names ; and that as e.xaclly as their solemn league and
" covenant consists of 6CG words." Or from the character of an
hermetic philosopher, written by Butler himself: "By this
" means they have found out who is the true owner of the beast
"in the apocalypse, which has long passed for a stray among
" the learned ; what is the true product of 666. that has rung like
" Whittington's bells in the ears of expositors." But some have
thought that this passage alludes not to the auocalyptic, but to
the independent beast, and explain it thus ; " In just three years
'•of lilood, for the king xet up his standard in August, 1642,
"a"nd the battle of Naseby was fought in June, 164o, which
" proved the deciding battle," says Ludlow, " the kmg's party
"after lh;it time never making any considerable opposition,
" which three bloody years, thus answering to three confessors,
"beini' multipUed by six. the number of their crucified ears, ei-
" pressed the perfect number of years in which the independent
"beast should prevail, namely 18, reckoning from the com-
"niencement of the war to the restoration."
406 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
What cluirches have sucli able pastors,
And precious, powerful, preaching masters?
Possess'd with absolute dominions 855
O'er brethren's purses and opinions,
And trusted witii the double keys
Of heav'n, and their warehouses ;
Who, when the cause is in distress.
Can furnish out what sums they please, 860
That brooding lie in bankers' hands.
To be dispos'd at their commands ;
And daily increase and multiply,
With doctrine, use, and usury :
Can fetch in parties, as in war 865
All other heads of cattle are.
From th' enemy of all religions,
As well as high and low conditions.
And share them from blue ribbons down
To all blue aprons in the town ;* 870
From ladies hurry'd in calleches.
With cornets at tlieir footmen's breeches,t
To bawds as fat as mother Nab,t
All guls and belly, like a crab.
Our party's great, and better ty'd 875
With oaths, and trade, than any side ;§
Has one considerable improvement,
To double-fortify the cov'nant ;
mean our covenant to purchase||
Delinquents' titles, and the church's, 880
That pass in sale, from hand to hand,
Among ourselves, for current land,
And rise or fall, like Indian actions,
According to the rate of factions :
* Tnulesmen and their apprentices took a very active part in
the trduliles, both by preaching and figliting.
t Ciilleclie, calash, or chariot. Cornets were ornaments
which servants wore upon their breeches: though some critics
would read coronets.
t Ladies of tliis profession are generally described as coarse and
fat. The orator means, that the leaders of the faction could
fetch in parties of all ranks, from the highest to the lowest, from
lady Carlisle to the lowest mechanic in a blue apron.
$ The strength of the Presbyterian party lay in the covenant-
ers, and the citizens.
II In the first line, the word cov'nant is two sylliibles, in the
second line it is three.*
_ • Where one wortl enila with a vowel, and the next begins with one, Butler
either leaves them as two syllables, or contracts them into one, as best suits
his verse. Where a vowel is a word by itsell" it is sometimes, perliaps, not
reckoned in scanning. See P. i. c. ii. v. 705, and P. ii. c. ii. v. 670.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 407
Our best reserve for reformation, 885
When new outgoings give occasion ;
Tliat keeps the loins of brethren girt,
Their covenant, their creed, t' assert ;*
And, when they've pack'd a parHament,
Will once more try th' expedient : 890
Who can already muster friends,
To serve for members to our ends.
That represent no part o' tli' nation,
But Fisher's-folly congregation ;t
Are only tools to our intrigues, 895
And sit like geese to hatch our eggs :
Who, by their precedents of wit,
T' outfast, outloiter, and outsit, t
Can order matters under-hand.
To put all bus'ness to a stand ; 900
Lay public bills aside, for private.
And make 'em one another drive out ;
Divert the great and necessary.
With trifles to contest and vary ;
And make the nation represent, 905
And serve for us in parliament ;
* A lay preacher at Banbury said, " We know, O Lord, that
Alirahaiii made a covenant, and Moses and David made a cov-
enant, and our Saviour made a covenant, hut the inirliament's
covenant is the greatest of all covenants." The marquis of Ham-
ilton lieing sent into Scotland to appease the troubles there, de-
manded of the Scotch that they should renounce the covenant;
they answered, that they would sooner renounce their bap-
tism.
t Jasper Fisher, one of the si.\ clerks in chancery, spent his
fortune in laying out magnificent gardens, and l)uilding a fine
house ; which, therefore, was called Fisher's Folly. It was af-
terwards used as a conventicle ; perhaps of Quakers. See Ful-
ler's Worthies, p. 197, and Stowe's Survey. The place where
the house stood is now Devonshire-square, in the city. Here is
an equivo(iue on the woril represent. It means either to stand
in the place of, and be substituted by others, or to resemble,
and be like them. In the first sense, the members they should
pack, winild represent their constituents ; but in the latter sense,
onlv a meeting of enthusiastic sectaries.
JBy these "arts and methods, the leaders on the parliament
side defeated the purposes of the loyalists, and carried such
points in the house as vv-ere disagreeable to the sober part, and
indeed, to the majority. Thus the remonstrance was ciirried, as
Lord Clarendon says, merely by the hour of the night ; the de-
bates being continued till two o'clock, and very many having
withdrawn out of pure lainttiess and disability to attend the con-
clusion. The bill against cpiscopt'.cy, and others, were carried
by out-fasting, and outsitting those who opposed it: which
made Lord Falklan<l say. lint they who hated liisliops, hated
them worse than the devil, and those that loved them, loved
thcui not so well as their own dinners.
408 HUDIBRAS. [Partih
Cut out more work thnn can be done
In Plato's year,* but finish none,
Unless it be the bulls of Lenthal,
That always pass'd for fundamental :t 910
Can set up grandee against grandee,
To squander time away, and bandy ;
Make lords and commoners lay sieges
To one another's privileges :
And, rather than compound the quarrel, 915
Engage, to th' inevitable peril
Of both their ruins, th' only scope
And consolation of our hope ;
Who, tho' we do not play the game,
Assist as much by giving aim ;t 920
Can introduce our ancient arts.
For heads of factions t' act their parts ;
Know what a leading voice is worth,
A seconding, a third, or fourth ;
How much a casting voice comes to, 925
That turns up trump of Ay, or No ;
And, by adjusting all at th' end.
Share ev'ry one his dividend.
An art that so much study cost.
And now's in danger to be lost, 930
Unless our ancient virtuosos.
That found it out, get into th' houses.
These are the courses that we took
To carry things by hook or crook, §
* The Pl.itonic ye:n', or time required for a complete revolu-
I tion of the entire machine of the world, has by some been made
! to consist of 4n(]0 common years; others have thought it must
extend to 'iM.OOO, or still more. Magnus annus tum efficitur, cum
sill is, etluna", etqninque erraiitium, adeandem inter se compara-
;ionem confectis omnium spaliis est facta con vorsio. QucBquam
onga sit, magna qu.Tstin ost. Cicero do Xs'at. Deor. ii. 20.
t The ordinances publ-ished by the house of commons were
signed by Lenthal the speaker : and are therefore crilled the
hulls of Lenthal. They may be tenned fundamentals, because
many of them were issued by order of the rump parliament.
:j: Or in the bowler's phrase, by giving ground.
§ Crook and Hutton were the only judges who dissented from
tlieir brethren, when the case of ship-money was argued in the
e.vchequer: which occasioned the wags to say that the king
carried it by Hook, but not by Crook: Dr. Crey on the passage ;
but the saying is of njuch older date, and only applied as a pun
by Butler, and the wits of the reign of Charles the First. We
find it used by Skelton, and by Spenser frequently, B. v. c. i.
St. 27 :
' Tlic which her sire had scrapt by hcoke and crooke ;"
Canto i;.] HUDIBRAS. 409
And practis'd down from forty-four, 935
Until they tiirn'd us out of door :*
Besides the herds of Boutefeus
We set on work, without the house,
When ev'ry knight and citizen
Kept leifislntive journeymen, 940
To briuK them in intelligence.
From all points of the rubble's sense,
And fill the lobbies of both houses
With politic important buzzes ;
Set up committees of cabals,t 945
To pack designs without the walls ;
Examine and draw up ail news.
And fit it to our present use ;
Agree upon the plot of the farce,
And ev'ry one his part rehearse ; 950
Make Q's of answers, to way-lay
What th' other party's like to say ;t
What repartees, and smart reflections,
Shall be return'd to all objections ;
And who shall break the master jest, 955
And what, and how, upon the rest ;
Help pamphlets out, with safe editions,
Of proper slanders and seditions.
And treason for a token send,
By letter, to a country friend ; 060
Disperse lampoons, the only wit
That men, like burglary commit, *
With falser than a padder's face,
That all its owner does betrays ;
Who therefore dares not trust it, when 965
He's in his calling, to be seen.§
and again, B. iii. c. 1. st. 17 :
" 111 hopes her to attaine by hooke or crooke."
(The fact is, that Imok is the same as crook. See our old diction-
aries. The original meaning, therefore, was, either in one form
or the other. Todd. Minshew explains it per /as a«« «f/as.]
* From the time of the self-denying ordinance, 1644, when the
Presbyterians were turned out from all places of profit and pow-
er; till Oeccmber 7, 1648, when they were turned out of the par-
liament-huuse by Colonel Pride, forty-one members seized by the
soldiers, and one hundred and sixty excluded.
t The poet probably alludes to the ministers of Charles the
Second, the initials of whose names made up the word cabal,
Clifford, Ashley, Buckingham, Arlington, Lauderdale.
X Prisoners in Newgate, and other jails, have often sham-
examinatiAis, to prepare them with answers for their real trials.
\ Padders, or highwaymen, frequently cover their faces witJl
.. mask or piece of crape.
18
410 HUDIBRAS. [Part ni
Disperse the dung on barren earth,
To bring new weeds of discord forth ;
Be sure to keep np congregations,
In spite of law and proclamations : 970
For charlatans can do no good.
Until they 're mounted in a crowd ;
And when they 're puuish'd, all the hurt
Is but to fare the better for't ;
As long as confessors are sure 975
Of double pay for all th' endure,*
And what tiiey earn in persecution,
Are paid t' a groat in contribution :
Whence some tub-holdersforth have made
In powd'ring tubs their richest trade ; 980
And, while they kept their shops in prison.
Have found their prices strangely risen.t
Disdain to own the least regret
For all the christian blood we 've let ;
'Twill save our credit, and maintain 985
Our title to do so again ;
That needs not cost one dram of sense,
But pertinacious impudence.
Our constancy t' our principles.
In time will wear out all things else ; 990
Like marble statues, rubb'd in pieces
* Alluding to the three persons before-mentioned, Burton,
Prynne, !ind Bastwick, who, havin;; been pilloried, fined, and l)an-
ished to diti'erent parts of the kingdoms, liy the sentence of the
Star-chamber, were by the parliament afterwards recalled, and
rewarded out of the estates of those who had punished them.
In their way back to London they were honored with loud ac-
clamations, and received many presents.
silenc'd ministers,
That get estates by being undone
For tender conscience, and have none :
Like those that with their credit drive
A trade without a stock, and thrive.
Butler's Remains, vol. i. p. 6^.
t Probably powdering-tubs here signifies prisons. See P. iii.
c. iii. 1. 210. When any one is in a bad scrape, he is said to be
in a pretty pickle. See P. ii. c. i. v. 36lj. [Ancient Pistol throws
some light upon this passage when he bids Nym
" to the spital go,
" And from i\\e jtoiDiiering tub of infamy
"Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid's kind,
"Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse."
Butler may mean that soni? of the tub-holdersforth kept houses
of ill-fame, from whence the transit to the powdering-tub was
frequent. Such persons are also not unfrequently sent to
prison, and persecution has ever the effect of raising ihe prices
of the doctrines of the persecuted.]
Canto u.] HUDIBRAS. 4U
With gallantry of pilgrims' kisses ;*
While those who turn and wind their oaths,
Have swell'd and sunk, like other froths ;
Prevail'd a while, but 'twas not long !i95
Before from world to world they swung ;
As they had turn'd from side to side.
And as the changelings liv'd, they dy'd. -
This said, th' impatient statesmongcr
Could now contain himself no longer,t 1000
Who had not spar'd to shew his piquest
Against th' haranguer's politics.
With smart remarks of leering faces.
And annotations of grimaces.
After he had administer'd a dose§ 1005
Of snufFmundungus to his nose,
And powder'd th' inside of his skull,
Instead of th' outward jobbernol,||
He shook it, with a scornful look.
On th' adversary, and thus he spoke 1010
In dressing a calf's head, altho'
The tongue and brains together go.
Both keep so great a distance here,
'Tis strange if ever they come near ;
For who did ever play his gambols 1015
With such insufferable rambles.
To make the bringing in the king,
And keeping of him out, one thing?
Which none could do, but those that swore
T' as point-blank nonsense heretofore; 1020
That to defend was to invade.
And to assassinate to aid :ir
* Round the Casa l^anta of Loretto, the marble is worn into a
deep channel, by the knees and kisses of the pilgrims and
others. [The stamps both of gods and saints have been, and
are, worn by the touch of their votaries ; of the former the knees
were the sntleriiig parts.]
t As the former orator, whoever he was, had harangued on
the side of the Presbyterians, his antagonist. Sir Anthony Ash-
ley Cooper, now smartly inveighs agair.ct them, and justilies the
principles and conduct of the Independents.
I His aversion or antipatliy.
§ Pome editions read, minister'' d a dose.
II That is, thick skull, stupid head, from the Flemish, jobbe,
insulsus, ignavus, and the .Ang. Sax. cnoll, verte.v.
ir This alludes to Ralph, who was charged with intention to
kill the king wlien imprisoned in the isle of Wight. Lord Cla-
rendon, voK iii. p. 180, intimates that sergeant Wild, who was
sent to Winchester to try the prisoner, gave an unfair charge to
the jury, by saying: "There was a time indeed when intentions
" and words were made treason ; but God forbid it should be sa
412 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
Unless, because you drove him out,
And that was never made a doubt ;
No [ww'r is able to restore 1025
And bring him in, but on your score ;
A^sp'ritual doctrine, that conduces
Most properly to all your uses.
'Tis true, a scorpion's oil is said
To cure the wounds the vermin made ;* 1030
And weapons, dress'd with salves, restore
And ileal the hurts they gave before :t
But whether presbyterians have
So much good nature as the salve,
Or virtue in them as the vermin, 1035
Those who have try'd them can determine.
Indeed 'tis pity you should miss
Th' arrears of all your services,
And for th' eternal obligation
Y' have laid upon th" ungrateful nation, 1040
B' us'd so unconscionably hard,
As not to find a just reward.
For letting rapine loose, and murther,
To rage just so far, but no further ;}:
And setting all the land on fire, 1045
To burn t' a scantling, but no higher :
For vent'ring to assassinate.
And cut the throats of church and state ;
And not be allow'd the fittest men
To take the charge of both agen: 1050
" now : how did anybody know but that those two men, Osborne
"and Doiicet, would have made away with the liina;, and that
" Ralph charged his pistol to preserve him." Perhaps the nohle
historian here shows something of party spirit.
* Dr. Mead, in his Essay on Poisons, say.s, viper-catchers, if
they happen to be bitten by a viper, are so sure of being cured by
rubbing the fat upon the place, that they fear a bite no more than
they do the prick of a |)in. The Doctor himself tried it upon
dogs, and found it a sure remedy. He supposes the fat to involve,
and, as it were, sheath the volatile salts of the venom. Prodest
scorpius ipse sua; plaga; iinpositiis. Pliny in his Natural History,
29. 29.
t According to Sir Kenelin Digby's doctrine of sympathy.
+ Though the Presbyterians began the war, yet they pretend-
ed Ihey had no thoughts of occasioning the bloodshed and de-
vastation which was consequent upon it. They intended to
bring the king to reason, not to murder him. But it happened to
them, as to the young magician in Lucian, who. by certain words
he had learned of his master, sent a fountain to fetch water;
The poor scholar, however, not recollecting the words to make
it stop, the fountain went and fetched water without ceasing,
till it filled the house up to the windows. A similar tale is re-
lated in verse by several poets, both French and English.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 413
Especially that have the grace
Of self-aeiiyhig gifted face ;
Who, when your projects have miscarry'd,
Can lay them, with uiidauutcd forehead,
On tiiose you painfully trepann'd, 1055
And sprinkled in at second hand ;
As we have been, to share the guilt
Of christian blood, devoutly spilt ;*
For so our ignorance was flamni'd
To damn ourselves, t' avoid being danm'd ;t 106fa
Till finding your old foe, the liangman,
Was like to lurch you at backgammon,t
And win your necks upon the set.
As well as ours, who did but bet ;
For he had drawn your ears before, 1065
And nick'd them on the self-same score,
We threw the box and dice away,
Before y' had lost us at foul play :
And brought you down to rook and lie.
And fancy only on the by :§ 1070
Redeem'd your forfeit jobbernoles.
From perching upon lofty poles,
And rescu'd all your outward traitors,
From haifging up, like alligators ;||
For which ingeniously ye 've shew'd 1075
Your prcsbyterian gratitude ;
Would freely have paid us home in kind,
* The war was beKUii anil carried on by the Presbyterians with
a gre;it show of godliness, I'or the sake of religion, and ;n defence
of the jiospel.
t To commit such damnable sins as robbery, rebellion, and
murder, with a view of keeping out Armiaianism, popery, &c.,
which we were m;ide to believe were likely to overspread the
kinudom, and would be destructive to our salvation. Thus Mar-
tial', Epig. lib. ii. 80 :
Ilostein cum fuceret, se Fannius ipse peremit.
Hie, rogo, non furor est, ne nioriare, mori 1
i Finding the king was likely to get the better of you, and
that we were all in danger of being hanged as traitors, we took
tlie war from your hands into onr own management.
§ B7/-bets are bels made beside the game, often by standers-
by': Ih'e Presbyterians, from being principals in the cause, were
reduced to make a secondary figure, and from playing the game
became lookers-on.
II Alligators were frequently hung up in shops of quacks,
druggists, and apothecaries. Thus Romeo says of the Apothe-
cary :
And in his needy shop a tortoise hung.
An alligator stuft, and other skins
Of ill-shap'd fishes.
414 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
And not have been one rope beliind.*
Those were your motives to divide,
And scruple, on the otlier side,t 1080
To turn your zealous frauds, and force,
To fits of conscience and remorse ; '
To be convinc'd they were in vain,
And face about for new again ;
For truth no more unveii'd your eyes, 1085
Tiian maggots are convinc'd to flies ;t
And tlierefore all your lights and calls
Are but apocryphal and false,
To charge us with the consequences,
Of all your native insolences, 1090
That to your own imperious wills
Laid law and gospel neck and heels ;§
Corrupted the Old Testament,
To serve the New for precedent ;
* The Dissenters, wiien in power, were no enemies to perse-
cution. See Dissenters' Sayings, by Sir Ro;;er L'Estriinge, Second
Part, printed 1G81. Edwards, in liis Full Answer, p. 244, says :
"A toleration of one or more ditreront ways <ir churches and
"church government established, will be to this kingdom very
" mischievous, pernicious, and destructive." Love, in his ser-
mon at Uxhridge, January 30, 1(544, p. 20: "I have often thought
"that too much mercy towards malignants hath made more de-
"linquents than ever justice punished." Marshall, to the com-
mons, February 23, 1041: "He is a cursed man that withholds
"his hand from shedding of blood; or sliall do it, as Saul did
"against the Amalekites, kill some, and save some." And Ba.\-
ter, in his Preface to the Nonconformists' Plea, "Liberty, in all
"matters of worship and of faith, is the open and a|iparent way
"to set up popery in the land." Calamy being asked, what he
would do with those who differed from him in opinion, said,
" He would not meddle with their consciences, only with their
" persons and estates."
t He tells the Presbyterians, that their jealousy of the Indepen-
dents caused them to discontinue their exertions, not any convic-
tion of their having been in the wrong.
t The change was produced in them merely by the course of
their nature. The edition of 1710 reads :
Than maggots when they turn to flies.
ij Some persons have sought for a system of natural philoso-
phy in the Old Testament, "inter viva qucErentes mortua," .as
Lord Bacon says: who wisely adds " tantoque magis hn;c vani
" tas inhibenda venit, et coercenda, quia ex divinoruni et Inima
" norum malesana admistione, non solum eduritur philoscjpbia
" phantastica, sed etiam religio hipretica." Novum Organum,
sect. Ixv. Others have there found, or thought they found, the
subliniest doctrines of Christianity. The famous Postellus ob-
served, that there were eleven thousand proofs of the Trinity
in the Old Testament, interpreted rightly, thai is, eru/ioAoyirituif,
Ka66aXi^iK',)s.
Canto ii.l HUDIBRAS. 415
T' amend its errors and defects, 1095
With murder and rebellion texts;*
Of wliieii there is not any one
In all the book to sow upon;
And therefore, from your tribe, tiie Jews
Held christian doctrine forth, and use; '100
As Mahomet, your chief, began
To mix them in the Alcoran ;t
Denounc'd and pray'd, with fierce devotion,
And bended elbows on the cushion ;
Stole from the beggars all your tones, 1105
And gifted mortifying groans ;
Had lights where better eyes were blind,
As pigs are said to see tiie wind ;t
Fill'd Bedlam with predestination,
And Knightsbridge with illumination ;§ illO
Made children, with your tones, to run for't.
As bad as Bloodybones or Luns(ord.||
* The Presbyterians, he says, finding no cniuilenance for their
purposes in the New Testament, took their measures of oliedience
from some instances of rebellion in tlie t)ld. 'I'lie Presbyterian
printer, wlio printed tlie seventh conimandmcnt, Thou shall
commit adultery, was heavily fined for his blunder.
t In his Pindaric Ode upon an hypocritical non-conformist,
Remains, vol. i. p. 135, Mr. Uutler says :
For the Turks' patriarch, Mahomet,
Was the first great reformer, and tlie chief
Of th' ancient christian belief.
That mi.x'd it with new light and cheat,
With revelations, dreams, and visions,
And apostolic superstitions.
To be held forth, and carry 'd on by war:
And his successor was a presbyter.
X Pigs have remarkable small eyes, aiul yet are said to be very
sagacious in foretelling wind and weather. Thus, in a poem
entitled Hudibras at Court, we read :
And now, as hogs can see the wind,
And storms at distance coming find.
This observation occurs three times in the books falsely called
the Posthumous Works of Mr. t^anuiel Duller, 4th edition. 1732.
Plutarch remarks a peculiarity in pigs' eyes. They are so situa-
ted and constructed, that the animal cannot look upwards, and
never hath a view of the heavens till he is thrown uiion his
back, and then, clamorous as he is, astonishment ami terror si-
lence liim in an instant.
^ At tills village, near London, was a famous mad-house, to
wliich the poet alludes.
II Frigbtenc-'d children as much by your preaching, as if you
had told them the dismal story of Rawhead and Bloody-bones,
or had related to them the cruelties wliich you atlirm were
practised by Colonel Lunstiird. Colonel IjUnsford, killed at
Bristol, JG43, was a man of great sobriety, industry, and courage
416 HUDIBRAS. [Part ib
While women, great with child, miscarry'd,
For beiiiff to maliguants marry'd:
Transfonii'd all wives to Dalilahs, 1115
Wliose husbands were not for the cause ;*
but his enemies p:iintecl him as a cruel brute. Sir Thomas
Lunslord was miide lieutenant nfthe Tower by the liing, a little
before the beginning of the war: but afterwards removed by
him at the desire of the parliament. An order was made in
the parliament for sujipressing Lunsford and Lord Dighy, though
at the same time all the cavalry they had was an hired coach
and six horses. In the third act of Sir Robert Howard's comedy
of The Committee, tlie first bailitf says:
O ! 'tis a bloody-minded man 1
I'll warrant you this viie cavalier has eat many a child.
[Dr. Grey says : It was one of the artifices of the malecontents
in the civil war to raise false alarms, and to fill tlie people full
of frightful apprehensions. In i)articular they raised a terrible
outcry of the imaginary danger they conceived fmm the Lord
Digby, and Colonel Lunsford. Lilbourn glories upon his trial, for
being an incendiary on such occasions, and mentions the tunuill
he raised against the innocent culonel as a meritorious action;
" I was once arraigned," says he, " before the house of jieers,
"for sticking close to the liberties and privileges of this nation,
" and those that stood for them, being one of those two or three
"men that first drew their swords in Westminster-hall against
"Colonel Lunsford, and some scores of his associates. At that
" time it was supposed they intended to cut the throats of the
" chiefest men then sitting in the house of peers." And to ren-
der him the more odious, they reported that he was of so brutal
an appetite that he would eat children, (Echard's History of
England, vol. ii. p. 280,) which scandalous insinuation is de-
servedly ridiculed in the following lines :
From Fielding, and from Vavasour,
Both ill-afl'ected men ;
From Lunsford eke deliver us,
That eateth up children.
The Parliament Hymns, Collection of Loyal Songs,
vol. i. JS'o. xvii. p. 38.
Cleveland banters them upon the same head :
The post that came from Banbury,
Riding in a blue rocket.
He swore he saw, when Lunsford fell,
A child's arm in his pocket.
And to make this gentleman the more detestable, they made
horrid pictures of him, as we learn from the following lines of
Mr. Cleveland : Rupertismus, Works, KiTT, p. 07:
"They fear the giblets of his train, they fear
"Even his dog, that four-legg'd cavalier;
"He that devours the scraps which Lunsford makes,
" Whose picture feeds upon a child in stakes."
Mr. Gayton, in banter of this idle ofiinion, (see Notes on Don
Quixote, book iii. chap. vi. p. 103,) calls Saturn the very Luns-
ford of the deities.]
* If the husband sided not with the Presbyterians, his wife
Canto u.] IIUDIBRAS. 417^
And turn'd the men to ten-horn'd cattle,
Because they came not out to battle ;*
Made tailors' 'prentices turn heroes,
For fear of being transfonn'd to Meroz,+ 1 120
And rather forfeit their indentures, ,
Than not espouse the saints' adventures:
Could transubstantiate, metamorphose,
And charm whole herds of beasts, like Orplieus ;1
Enchant the king's and church's lands, ll',>3
T' obey and follow your conmiands,
And settle on a new freehold.
As Marcle-hill had done of old :§
Could turn the cov'nant, and translate
The gospel into spoons and plate ; 1130
Expound upon all merchants' cashes,
And open th' intricatest places ;
Could catechize a money-box.
And prove all pouches orthodox ;
was represented as insidious and a betrayer of her country's
interest, sucli as Dalilali was to Samson and the Israelites.
Judges xvi.
* Resembled them to the ten horns, or ten kings, who gave
their power and strength to the beast. Revelation, xvii. 12.
See also Daniel vii. v. 7. A cuckold is called a horned beast;
a notorious cuckold may be called a ten-horned beast, there
being no beast known with nmre horns than the beast in vision.
t "Curse ye Meroz," said the angel of the Lord; "Curse ye
" bitterly the inhabitants thereof; because they came not to the
" help of the Lord against the mighty." Judges v. 23. This
was a favorite text with those who preached for the parlia-
ment : and it assisted them much in raising recruits.
J Mulcentem tigres, et agentem carmine querciis.
Georg. iv. 510.
§ Not far from Ledbury, in Herefordshire, toward the conflux
of the Lug and VVys, in the parish of Marcle, is a hill, whii-h in
the year 1575 mov'ed to a considerable distance. Pliilips in his
Cider, (p. 12, 1. 801, ed. Dunster,) speaking of Warcle-hiU, says :
Deceitful ground, who knows but that once more
The mount may journey, and his present site
Forsaking, to thy u(»iihbnurs' bounds transfer
The goodly plants, ali'ording matter strange
For law debates
Camden, in his Life of Queen Elizabeth, book ii. j). 20, thinks
the motion was occasioned by an earthquake, wliich lie calls
brasmatia ; though the cause of it more probably was a sub-
terraneou:; current. Some houses and a chapel were over-
turned. I remember an accident of this kind wliich happenfd
near Grafton, on the side of Breilon-liill, and another ntar
Broseley in Shropshire. A similar jilienomenon was observed
at Eroge, in Judea, in the time of king Uzziab, and is recorded
by Josephus, lib. ix. cap. 11.
18*
418 HUDIBRAS. [Part jh.
Until the cause became a Damon, 1133
And Pythias the wicked Mammon.*
And yet, in spite of all your charms
To conjure legions up in arms.
And raise more devils in the rout
Tlian e'er y' were able to cast out, 1140
Y' have been reduc'd, and by those fools,
Bred up, you say, in your own schools,
Who, tho' but gifted at your feet,t
Have made it plain they liave more wit,
By whom you've been so oft' trepann'd, 1145
And held forth out of all command :
Out-gifted, out-inipuls'd, out-done,
And out-reveal'd at carryings-on ;
Of all your dispensations worm'd,
Out-providenc'd and out-reform'd ; 1150
Ejected out of church and state.
And all things but the people's hate ;
And spirited out of th' enjoyments
Of precious, edifying employments,
* Until Mammon and the cause were as closely united, and
as dear friends as Damon and Pythias, two persons whose
friendship is celebrated liy Plutarch, Valerius Maximus. and
others. In Janiblichus's Lite of Pythagoras, No. 234, this story
is related at length from Aristo.tenus, who heard it from the
mouth of Dionysiiis himself, the tyrant concerned, after he was
dispossessed of the sovereignty, and became a schoolmaster at
Corinth. As it rests upon better authority than such narratives
in general can appeal to, it is here abridged for the amusement
of the reader. Though I must first observe, that the true name
of one of those friends was not Pythias, but Phintias. See ■
Pnrphyr. in vita Pythagor;E, ult. p. 53, ed. Kuster. Tull. de Offic.
iii. JO, and Lactantius, v. 17. — The courtiers of Dionysius the
younger, tyrant of Sicily, contended in his presence that the
boasted virtues of the Pythagoreans, their determined spirit,
their apathy, their firmness in friendship, were all mere illusions,
wliich would vanish on the first ajjpearance of danger or dis-
tress. To prove this assertion, they agreed to accuse Phintias,
one of the sect, of a conspiracy against the sovereign. He was
summoned betlire the tyrant, who informed him of the charge,
and to his great surprise added, that there was the fullest evi-
dence of his guilt, and he must die. Phintias replied, if it were
so, he would only beg the respite of a few hours, while he
might go home and settle the common concerns of his friend
Damon and himself: in the mean time, Damon would be se-
curity for his appearance. Dionysius assented to the proposal ;
and when Damon surrendered himself the courtiers all sneered,
concluding that he was become the dupe of his own credulity.
But, on the return of Phintias in the evening, to release his bail,
and submit to his sentence, they were quite astonished ; and
none more than the tyrant himself who embraced the illustrious
pair, and requested they would admit him to a share in their
friendship.
t " Bred up at the feet of Gamaliel."
Canto ir.]
HUDIBRAS.
By those wlio lodg'd their gifts and graces,
Like belter bowlers, in your places :
All which you bore with resolution,
Charg'd on th' account of persecution ;
And tho' most righteously oppress'd.
Against your wills, still acquiesc'd ;
And never humm'd and hah'd sedition,
Nor snuffled treason, nor misprision :
That is, because you never durst ;
For had you preach'd and pray'd your worst,
Alas ! you were no longer able
To raise your posse of the rabble :
One single redcoat sentinel
Outcharm'd the magic of the spell.
And, with his squirt-fire,* could disperse
Whole troops with chapter rais'd and verse.
We knew too well those tricks of yours,
To leave it ever in your powers.
Or trust our safeties, or undoings.
To your disposing of outgoings.
Or to your ordering providence,
One farthing's worth of consequence.
For had you pow'r to undermine,
Or wit to carry a design.
Or correspondence to trepan,
Inveigle, or betray one man ;
There's nothing else tliat intervenes,
And bars your zeal to use the means ;
And therefore wond'rous like, no doubt,
To bring in kings, or keep them out :
Brave undertakers to restore.
That could not keep yourselves in pow'r ;
T' advance the int'rcsts of the crown.
That wanted wit to keep your own.
'Tis true you have, for I'd be loth
To wrong ye, done your parts in both ;
To keep him out, and bring him in,
As grace is introduc'd by sin :t
For 'twas your zealous want of sense,
And sanctify'd impertinence ;
Your carrying bus'ness in a huddle.
That forc'd our rulers to new-model ;
Oblig'd the state to tack about,
And turn you, root and branch, all out ;
419
1155
1160
1165
1170
1175
1180
118J
1190
1195
* His musket, so called in the true spirit of burlesque.
t Thus Saint Paul to the Romans : " Shall we continue in sin
that grace may abound V
420 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
To reformado, one and all,
T' your great croysado general :* 1200
Your greedy slav'ring to devour,t
Before 'twas in your clutches' pow'r ;
That sprung the game you were to set.
Before ye 'ad tune to draw the net :
Your spite to see the church's laiids 1203
Divided into other hands,
And all your sacrilegious ventures
Laid out in tickets and debentures :
Your envy to be sprinkled down,
By under-churches in the town ;t 1210
And no course us'd to stop their mouths,
Nor th' independents' spreading growths :
All which consider'd, 'tis most true
None bring him in so much as you,
Who have prevail'd beyond their plots,§ 1215
* The parliament, that they might not seem to continue the
war from any regard to their own interest and advantage, passed
a vote, Deceinljer 'J, 1644, to prevent the members of either house
from liiilding olfices in the state. This was called the self-deny-
ing ordinance. The secret intention of it was to lessen the in-
fluence of the Presbyterians, which it soon effected, by depriving
Essex, their general, and many others, of their employments.
He calls him their croisado general, because they pretended to
engage in the war chiefly on account of religion : the holy war
against the Turks and Saracens had the name of croisado, from
the cross displayed on the banners. The old annotator, and after
him Dr. Grey, tells us, that the general here designed was Fair-
fax. But neither the scope of the poet, nor the truth of history,
will admit of this application of the passage. For the person
who speaks is an Independent, and he tells the Presbyterian that
the Independents were obliged to turn out the Presbyterians and
their general. This suits exactly with Essex, who altogether
espoused the Presbyterian interest; and was laid aside, with the-
rest of the Presbyterians, by the contrivance above mentioned.
Whereas Fairfax, though he thought himself a Presbyterian, as
Lord Clarendon says, was always linked with the Independents,
and executed their designs. He was first raised to the command
by the intrigues of Cromwell and Ireton, because they knew him
to be an easy man, one who would submit to their direction.
Neither is it true that Fairfax was dismissed. On the contrary,
he laid down his connnission, though Cromwell, Whitelock, and
the heads of the party, desired him to keep his command, and a
solemn conference was held with him, the particulars whereof
may be seen in VVhitelock's Memorial. The reader must con-
stantly remember, that it is an Independent here speaking, de-
fending his sect against the former speaker, who was a Presby-
terian.
t That is, letting your mouths greedily water.
j Your impatience under the disgrace of being out-preached
by the Independent teachers.
$ The plots of the royalists, I think, are here meant, though
In that sense the passage is not strictly grammatical.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 421
Their midnight juntos, and seal'd knots ;
That thrive more by your zealous piques,
Than all their own rash polities.
And tliis way j'ou may claim a share
In carrying, as you brag, th' affair, 1220
Else frogs and toads, that croak'd the Jews
From Pharaoh and his brick-kilns loose.
And flies and mange, that set them free
From task-masters and slavery,
Were likelier to do the feat, 1225
In any indiff'rent man's conceit :
For who e'er heard of restoration.
Until your thorough reformation ?*
That is, the king's and church's lands
VV'ere sequester'd int' other hands: 1230
For only then, and not before,
Your eyes were open'd to restore ;
And when the work was carrying on,
Who cross'd it, but yourselves alone?
Acs by a world of hints appears, 12.'«5
All plain, and extant, as your ears.t
Hut first, o' th' first : The isle of Wight
Will rise up, if you shou'd deny 't ;
Where Henderson and th' other masses,!
* The TtKiopemlent here charges the Presbyterians with hav
ing no ile-ijxii of re-^toring the king, notwithstanding the merit
they .'nride of such intentions after the restoration, until they
weie liirned out of all profit by sale of the crown and church
lands, and that it was not their loyalty, but their disappoint-
ment and resentment against the Independents, that made
them think of treating with the king.
t May lie spoken in ridicule, because many of the Presby-
terians had lost their ears in the pillory. Or the poet may re-
collect his •' long ear'd rout." In Dryden's Hind and Panther,
we have a similar allusion :
And pricks up his predestinating ears.
t That is, the other divines. Slinisters in those days were
called masters, as they are at the 854th line of this canto. Omi
of this order would have been styled, not the reverend, but
master, or master doctor such an one ; and sometimes, for
brevity's sake, and familiarly, mas ; the plural of which, our
poet makes masses See Ben Johnson, and Spectator, No. 147 •
Mr. Butler, in this place, iviust be charged with a small an-
achronism ; for the treaty at the isle of Wight was subsequent
to the death of Henderson by the sjiaee of two years. The
divines employed llicro, were jMarshal, Vines, Caryl, Seaman,
Jenkyns, and Shurston : Henderson was present at theUxbridge
• AniIrewCant is Uiere called Mas Cant.
t Carte says. Marshal, Vines, and two others. Stephen Marshal, he says,
was a bloody man in all liis prayers ami sermons; and Mr. Vines a more
Christian spirit, more modest, learned, pious, anJ rational in his discourses.
422 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
Were sent to cap texts, and put cases: 1240
To pass for deep and learned scholars,
Altho' but paltry Ob and Sollers :*
As if til' unseasonable fools
Had been a coursing in the schools.t
Until they 'ad prov'd the devil author 1245
O' th' covenant, and the cause his daughter ;
treaty; and disputed with the king at Newcastle when he was
in the Scottish army. Soon after which he died, as some said,
of grief, because he could not convince the king : hut as others
said, of remorse, for having opposed him. According to these
last, while on his deathlied, he published a solemn declaration
to the parliament and synod of Englmd, setting forth that
they had been abused with most false aspersions ag:rmst his
majesty; and that they ought to restore him to his full rights,
royal throne and dignity, lest an endless character of ingr.itiliide
lie upon them. Of the king himself beside commending his
justice, magnanimity, and other virtues, he speaks in these
terms : " I do declare before God and the world, whether in re-
" lation to the kirk or state, I found his majesty the most intel-
"ligent man that I ever spake with ; as far beyond my e.vpres-
" sion as e.vpectation. I profess, I was oftentimes astonished
" with the quickness of his reasons and replies : wondered how
" he, spending his time in sport and recreations, could have at-
" tained to so great knowledge : and 1 must ct)nfess, that I was
" convinced in conscience, and knew not how to give him any
" reasonable satisfaction. Yet the sweetness of his disposition
"is such, that whatever I said was well taken. I must say,
" that I never met with any disputant of that mild and calm
" temper, which convinced me, that his wisdom and niodera-
" tion could not be without an e.\traordinary measure of divine
"grace. I dare say, if his advice had been followed, all the
" blood that has been shed, and all the rapine that has been
" committed, would have been prevented." If it be true that
Henderson made this declaration, it will amount to the highest
encomium that could possibly be bestowed upon the king, par-
ticularly as coming from the mouth of an enemy.
* That is, although only contemptible dabblers in school logic.
So in Burton's Melancholy, " A |)ack of Obs and Sollers." The
polemic divines of that age and stamp, filled the margins both of
tlieir tracts and sermons with the words Ob and Sol; the one
standing for objection, the other for soUuion. Bishop Sanderson,
in his Concio ad .'Vulam, says — " The devil is an arrant sophister,
" and will not take an answer, though never so reasonable and
" satisfactory, but will ever have somewhat or other to reply. —
" So long as we hold us but to Ob and Sol, to argument and
"answer, he will never out, but wrangle ad infinitum." So we
iay, pro and con. The old annotator's note on this passage is so
erroneous, as to show plainly that he could not be Butler.
t Coursing is a term used in the university of 0.\lV)rd for some
exercises preparatory to a master's degree. They were disputa-
tions in Lent, which were regulated by Dr. John Fell; for before
his time, the endeavors of one party to run down and confute
another in disputations, did commonly end in blows, and domes
tic quarrels, the reluge of the vanquished party. Wood's Athen.
vol. ii. p. 603. Hence, and from another passage or two, it has
been thought that Mr. Butler had received an academical edura-
tiou.
Canto ii.]
HUDIBRAS.
For when they charg'd him with the guilt
Of all the blood that had been spilt,
They did not mean he wrought th' efFusion
In person, like Sir Pride, or Hughsoa,*
But only those who first begun
The quarrel were by him set on ;
And who could those be but the saints,
Those reformation termagants?
But ere this pass'd, the wise debate
Spent so much time it grew too late ;t
For Oliver had gotten ground,
T' enclose him with his warriors round ;
Had brought his providence about,
And turn'd th' untimely sophists out.t
Nor had the Uxbridge bus'ness less
Of nonsense in 't, or sottishness ;
When from a scoundrel holderforth,§
The scum, as well as son o' the earth,
Your mighty senators took law,
At his command were forc'd t' withdraw,
And sacrifice the peace o' th' nation
To doctrine, use, and application,
So when the Scots, your constant cronies,
Th' espousers of your cause and monies, ||
423
1250
1255
1260
1265
1270
* Pride was originally a drayman; but at last became a famous
colonel in the parliament army, was knighted by Crouiwell with
a fagot stick, hence in derision called Sir Pride, and made one
of his lords in parliament. Hughson was at first a shoemaker
or a cobbler, afterwards colonel in the parliament army, and one
of Oliver's lords of the upper house.
t The treaty at the Isle of Wight was appointed at the first
for forty d;iys ; then continue.; for fourteen days longer, then for
four, and at last for one more By this artifice the king's ene-
mies gave Cromwell time to return from Scotland. Whereas it
had been the true interest and policy of all that desired peace
and a settlement of the kingdom, to have hastened the treaty
while the ariuy was absent.— Lord Clarendon. During the treaty,
Cromwell and his officers frequently petitioned parliament to
punish delinquents.— Whitelock's Mem.
X Untimely, usually signifies premature, but here, unseason-
able.
ij Christopher Love, a furious Presbyterian, who preached a
sermon at U,\bridge during the treaty held there, introducing
many reflections upon his majesty's person and government, and
stirring up the people against the king's commissioners. He was
executed in 1651 for treason, by means of Cromwell and the In-
dependents.
II The Scots, in their first expedition, 1040, had 300,000/. given
them for brotherly assistance, besides a contribution of 850/. a
day from the northern counties. In their second expedition,
1643, besides much free quarter, they had 19,700/. monthly, and
received 72,972/. in one year by customs on coals. The parlia-
424 HUDIBRAS. [Part in.
Who had so often, in your aid,
So many ways been soundly paid,
Came in at last for better ends,
To prove themselves your trusty friends.
You basely left them, and the church 1275
They train'd you up to, in the lurch,
And sufFer'd your own tribe of christians
To fall before, as true Pliilistines.*
This shews what utensils y' have been,
To bring the king's concernments in ; 1280
Which is so far from being true.
That none but he can bring in you ;
And if he take you into trust.
Will find 3'ou most exactly just,
Such as will punctually repay 1285
With double int'rest, and betray.
Not that I think those pantomimes,
Who vary action with the times.
Are less ingenious in their art,
Than those who dully act one part ; 1290
Or those who turn from side to side.
More guilty than the wind and tide.
All countries are a wise man's home,t
And so are governments to some.
Who change them for the same intrigues 1295
That statesmen use in breaking leagues ;
While others in old faiths and troths
Look odd, as out-of-fashion'd clothes,
And nastier in an old opinion,
Than those who never shift their linen. 1300
For true and faithful 's sure to lose.
Which way soever the game goes ;
And whether parties lose or win.
Is always nick'd, or else hedg'd in :
While pow'r usurp'd, like stol'n delight, 1305
ment agreed with them for 400,000^. on the surrender of the
king. — Dngdiile.
* The Scots made a third expedition into England, 1G48, under
Duke Hamilton, which was supposed to be intended for the
resctie of the king. They entered a fourth time under Charles
II., when the Presbyterians were e.xpected to join then). Yet
the latter assisted Cromwell : even their preachers marched with
him ; thus suffering Presbyterian brethren, a portion of the true
church, or true Israelites, to fall before the Independent army,
whom they reckoned no better than Philistines.
t Omne solum forti patria est. Ovid.
Ibi esse judicabo Romam, ubicunque liberum esse licebit, says
Brutus in a letter to Cicero.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 425
Is more bewitching than the right :
And ivhen the times begin to alter,
None rise so high as from the halter.*
And so we may, if we 've but sense
To use the necessary means, 1310
And not your usual stratagems
On one another, hghts, and dreams:
To stand on terms as positive,
As if we did not take, but give :
Set up tlie covenant on crutches, 1315
'Gainst those who have us in their clutclies,
And dream of pulling churches down,
Before we 're sure to prop our own :
Your constant method of proceeding.
Without the carnal means of heeding, 1320
Who, 'twixt your inward sense and outward,
Are worse, than if ye 'ad none accoutred.
I grant all courses are in vain.
Unless we can ^et in again :t
The only way that's left us now, 1325
But all the difficulty's, how?
'Tis true we 've money, th' only power
That all mankind falls down before,
Money, that, like the swords of kings,
Is the last reason of all things ;t 1330
And therefore need not doubt our play
Has all advantages that way ;
As long as men have faith to sell,
And meet with those that can pay well ;
Whose half-starv'd pride and avarice, 1335
* In a conference between Mr. le President de Bellievre and
Cardinal de Retz, I will tell you, said tlie former, what I learned
from Croniwell. II me disoit un jour, que Ton ne montoit ja-
mais si haul, que qiiand on ne salt oii Ton va. Vous savez, dis-
je a Bellievre, que j'ai horreur pour Cromwell ; mais, quelque
grand homme qu'on nous le prone, j'ajoute le mepris ; s'il est
de ce sentiment, il est d'un fou. De Retz adds, that this conver-
sation came to Cromwell's ears; and that he had like to have
paid dearly in the sequel for the indiscretion of his tongue. —
Mem. de Retz, vol. ii. lib. iii. p. 38.5.
t When General Monk restored the excluded members, the
rumpers, perceiving they could not carry things their own way,
and rule as they had done, quilted the house.
t Diodorus Siculus relates, that when the height of the walls
of Amphipolis was pointed out to Philip, as rendering the town
impregnable, he observed, they were not so high but money
could be thrown over them. And Cicero, in his second oration
against Verres, Nihil est tam sanctum quod non violari, nihil
tam munitum quod non expugnari, pecunia possit. The motto
upon the cannon of the king of France was, Ratio ultima regum.
426 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
One church and state will not suffice
T' expose to sale ;* besides the wagest
Of storing plagues to after ages.
Nor is our money less our own,
Than 'twas before we laid it down ; 1340
For 'twill return, and turn t' account,
If we are brought in play upon 't.
Or but by casting knaves, get in,
What pow'r can hinder us to win ?
We know the arts we us'd before, 13-15
In peace and war, and something more.
And by th' unfortunate events.
Can mend our next experiments :
For when we 're taken into trust,
How easy are the wisest chous'd, 1350
Who see but th' outsides of our feats.
And not their secret springs and weights ;
And while they 're busy, at their ease.
Can carry what designs we please ?
How easy is 't to serve for agents, 1355
To prosecute our old engagements ?
To keep the good old cause on foot,
And present pow'r from taking root ;t
Inflame them both with false alarms
Of plots, and parties taking arms ; 1360
To keep the nation's wounds too wide
From healing up of side to side ;
* There is a list of above a humired of the principal actors in
this rebellion, among whom the plunder of the church, crown,
and kingdom was divided ; to some five, ten, or twenty thousand
pounds ; to others, lands and offices of many hundreds or thou-
sands a year. At the end of the list, the author says, it was com-
puted that they had shared among themselves near twenty mil-
lions.
t They allowed, by their own order, four pounds a week to
each member ; each member of the assembly of divines was al-
lowed four shillings a day. Are the members of the National
Assembly in France better paid "? (1793.) [Whether they were
better paid or not they certainly succeeded in storing plagues to
after ages, as well as partaking largely of them themselves. Lib-
erty and philanthropy in their mouths, — tyranny and blood in
their deeds, — they at last naturally succumbed to a military' des-
pot, who in his turn fell under the avenging swords of injured
Europe. A Restoration follows, and now a new Revolution,
being the First of the Second Series. — Comment va le nionde I
Tout a la ronde.]
t General Monk and his party, or the committee of safety: for
we must understand the scene to be laid at the time when Monk
bore the sway, or, as will appear by-and-by, at the roasting of
the rumps, when Monk and the city of London united against
Ihe rump parliament.
Cajjto II.] HUDIBRAS. 427
Profess the passionat'st concerns
For both their interests by turns,
The only way t' improve our own, 1365
By dealing faithfully with none ;
As bowls run true, by being made
On purpose false, and to be sway'd,
For if we should be true to either,
'Twould turn us out of both together ; 1370
And therefore have no other means
To stand upon our own defence,
But keeping up our ancient party
In vigour, confident and hearty :
To reconcile our late dissenters, 1375
Our brethren, tiiough by other venters ;
Unite them, and their different maggots,
As long and short sticks are in faggots,*
And make them join again as close.
As when they first began t' espouse ; 1380
Erect them into separate
New Jewish tribes in church and state ;t
To join in marriage and commerce,!
And only 'mong themselves converse,
And all that are not of their mind, 1385
Make enemies to all mankind :§
Take all religions in, and stickle
From conclave down to conventicle ;||
Agreeing still or disagreeing,
According to the light in being, 1390
Sometimes for liberty of conscience.
And spiritual misrule in one sense ;
But in another quite contrary.
As dispensations chance to vary ;
And stand for, as the times will bear it, 1395
All contradictions of the spirit :
* Vis unita fortior. See ^sop's Fables, 17], ed. Oxen, and
Plutarch de Garrulitate, ii. p. 51 1. Swift told this fable after the
ancients, with exquisite humor, to reconcile queen Ann's minis-
ters.
t Make them distinct in their opinions and interests, like the
Jews, who were not allowed to intermarry or converse with the
nations around them.
t The accent is here laid upon the last syllable of commerce,
as in Waller, p. 59, small edition hy Fentoii :
Or what coniinerce can men with monsters find.
^ The odium hum:ini generis of Tacitus, and the non monstra
re vias eadem nisi sacra colenti of the same author, are here al-
luded to. -,
II That is, papists as well as non-conformists
428 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Protect their emissaries,* empovver'd
To preacli sedition, and the word ;
And when they 're hamper'd by the laws,
Release the lab'rers for the cause, 1400
And turn the persecution back
On those that made the first attack,
To keep them equally in awe
From breaking, or maintaining law :
And when they have their fits too soon, 1405
Before the full-tides of the moon.
Put off their zeal t' a fitter season.
For sowing faction in and treason ;
And keep them hooded, and their churches.
Like hawks, from baiting on their perches ;t 1410
That when the blessed time shall come
Of quitting Babylon and Rome,
They may be ready to restore
Their own fifth monarchy once more.t
Mean-while be better arm'd to fence 1415
Against revolts of providence, §
By watching narrowly, and snapping
All blind sides of it, as they happen :
For if success could make us saints.
Our ruin turn'd us miscreants ;|| 1420
A scandal that would fall too hard
Upon a few, and unprepar'd.
These are the courses we must run.
Spite of our hearts, or be undone.
And not to stand on terms and freaks, 1425
Before we have secur'd our necks.
But do our work as out of sight.
As stars by day, and suns by night ;
All licence of the people own.
In opposition to the crown ; 1430
And for the crown as fiercely side.
The head and body to divide.
* Read, Protect their emissaires, as the French in three sylla-
bles, otherwise there is a syllable too much in the verse.
t From beln;; too forward, or ready to take flight.
j In addition to the four great monarchies which have ap-
peared in the world, some of the enthusiasts thought that
CJirist was to reign temporally upon earth, and to establish a
fifth monarchy.
$ The sectaries of those days talked more familiarly to Al-
mighty God, than they dared to do to a superior officer : they
remonstrated with him, made him the author of all their wicked
machinations, and, if their projects failed, they said that Provi-
dence had revolted from them.
II Suppose we read, Turns us miscreants.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 429
The end of all we first design'd,
And all that yet remains behind,
Be sure to spare no public rapine, 1435
On all emergencies that happen ;
For 'tis as easy to supplant
Authority, as men in want ;
As some of us, in trusts, have made
The one hand with the other trade ; 1440
Gain'd vastly by their joint endeavour,
The right a thief, the left receiver ;
And what the one, by tricks, forestall'd,
The other, by as sly, retail'd.
For gain has wonderful effects 1445
T' improve the factory of sects ;
The rule of faith in ail professions,
And great Diana of th' Ephesians ;
Whence turning of religion's made
The means to turn and wind a trade. 1450
And though some change it for the worse,
They put themselves into a course,
And draw in store of customers,
To thrive the better in commerce :
For all religions flock together, 1455
Like tame and wild fowl of a feather :
To nab the itches of their sects.
As jades do one another's necks.
Hence 'tis hypocrisy as well .
Will serve t' improve a church, as zeal ; 1460
As persecution or promotion.
Do equally advance devotion.
Let bus'ness, like ill watches, go
Sometime too fast, sometime too slow ;
For things in order are put out 1465
So easy, ease itself will do 't :
But when the feat's design'd and meant.
What miracle can bar th' event ?
For 'tis more easy to betray.
Than ruin any other way. 1 470
All possible occasions start,
The weightiest matters to divert ;
Obstruct, perplex, distract, entangle.
And lay perpetual trains, to wrangle.*
* Exactly the advice given in Aristophanes to the sausage-
mailer turned politician, Equites, v. 214. Many political charac-
ters, in the time of Oliver, seem to have followed it. Si quid in-
ter comitia disceptandum, quasitis diverticulis, aut injectis inter
430 HUDIBIIAS. [Part in.
But iu affairs of less import, 1475
That neither do us good nor liurt.
And they receive as Hltie by,
Out-fawn as much, and out comply,
And seem as scrupulously just,
To bait our hooks for greater trust. 1480
But still be careful to cry down
All public actions, tho' our own ;
The least miscarriage aggravate,
And charge it all upon tho state :
Express the horrid'st detestation, 148i
And pity the distracted nation ;
Tell stories scandalous and false,
I' th' proper language of cabals,*
Where all a subtle statesman says.
Is half in words, and half in face ; 1490
As Spaniards talk in dialogues
Of heads and shoulders, nods and shrugs :
Entrust it under solemn vows
Of mum, and silence, and the rose,t
To be retail'd again in whispers, 1495
For th' easy credulous to disperse.
Thus far the statesman — When a shout,
Heard at a distance, put him out ;
And strait another, all aghast,
Rush'd in with equal fear and haste, 1500
Who star'd about, as pale as death.
And, for a while, as out of breath,
Till, having gathered up his wits,
iBstus dispxitandi scrupulis, ut rei determinatio in alind tempus
destinerelur procurabant. De regiis concessioniljus usque ad
diem posterum acriter disputatum est; diiin inlerea scrupulos
nectunt, disseminant rixas, scindunt in diversum paries, longis-
que oratiuiiculis leinpus terunt oligarchiclii et denincralici.
* Mr. Butler has seldom been so inattentive to rhyme, as in
this and the following cnuiilet.
t When any thing was said in confidence, the speaker in con-
clusion generally used the word mum, or silence. Tlie rose was
considered by the ancients as an emblem of silence, from its be-
ing dedicated by Cupid to Harpncrates, the god of silence, to en-
gage him to conceal the actions of his mother, Venus. Whence,
iu rooms designed for convivial meetings, it was customary to
place a rose above the tabic, to signify that any thing there spo-
ken ought never to be divulged. The epigram says :
Est rosa flos Veneris, cujus quo facta laterent,
Harpocrati, matris dona, dicavit amor.
hide rosam mensis hospes suspendit amicis,
Conviva ut sub ea dicta tacenda sciat.
A rose was frequently figured on the ceiling of rooms, both in
£ngiand and Germany
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 43]
He thus began his tale by fits :*
That beastly rabble — that came down 1505
From all the garrets — in the town,
And stalls, and shop-boards — in vast swarms,
With new-chalk'd bills — and rusty arms,
To cry the cause — up, heretofore.
And bawl the bishops — out of door ; 1510
Are now drawn up — in greater shoals,
To roast — and broil us on the coals,
And all the grandees — of our members
Are carbonading — on the embers ;
Knights, citizens, and burgesses — 1515
Held forth by rumps — of pigs and geese.
That serve for characters — and badges
To represent their personages.
Each bonfire is a funeral pile.
In which they roast, and scorch, and broil, 1520
And ev'ry representative
Have vow'd to roast — and broil alive :
And 'tis a miracle we are not
Already sacrific'd incarnate ;
For while we wrangle here, and jar, 1525
W are grilly'd all at Temple-bar ;
Some, on the sign-post of an ale-house,
Hang in effigy, on the gallows,t
Made up of rags to personate
Respective officers of state ; 1530
That, henceforth, they may stand reputed,
Proscrib'd in law, and executed.
And, while the work is carrying on,
Be ready listed under Dun,
That worthy patriot, once the bellows, 1535
And tinder-box of all his fellows ;t
* By this speaker is represented Sir Martin Noel, who, while
the CMbal was sitting, Ijruu^ht news that the rump pmlianient
was dismissed, the secluded n)embers brought into the house,
and that the mob of London approved of the measure. Mr.
Butler tells this tale for Sir Martin with wonderful humor.
t For, or instead of, a gallows, would, perhaps, be a more cor-
rect reading : it is better to hang the effigy on the sign-post, than
the original on the lamp-iron.
t Klin was eonniion hangman at that time, and succeeding
executioners went by iiis name, till eclipsed by squire Ketch.
But the character here delineated was certainly intended for Sir
Arthur Hazlerig, knight of the shire, in the long parliament, for
the county of I^ei<;ester, and one of the five members of the
house of commons impeached by the king in the beginning of
that parliament. He brought in the bill of attainder against the
earl of Strafford, and the bill against episcopacy ; thougli the
432 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
The activ'st member of the five,
As well as the most primitive ;
Who, for his faithful service then,
Is chosen for a fifth ageu : 1540
For since the state has made a quint
Of generals, he's listed in't.*
This worthy, as the v/orld will say,
Is paid in specie, his own way ;
For, moulded to the life, in clouts, 1545
They 've pick'd from dunghills hereabouts,
latter was delivered by Sir Edward Deering at his procurement.
He also brought in the bill for the militia. Lord Clarendon says,
he was used like the dove out of the ark, to try what footiuf; the
[larty could have for their designs. He was a hot-headed re-
publican, and Jnade great disturljances aftervi'ards in the parlia-
ment of Oliver and Richard. He was always «ne of the rump ;
and a little before this lime, when the committee of safety had
been set up, and the rump excluded, he had seized Portsmouth
for their use. It is probable that he might call Sir Arthur by the
hangman's name, either for some barbarous e.xecution which he
had caused to be done in a military way, or for his forwardness
and zeal in parliament in bringing the royalists to execution, and
the king himself: for I find three addresses, which we may well
suppose were promoted by him ; one from the garrisons of New
castle and Tinmouth, where Hazlerig was governor; another
from the mayor and aldermen of Newcastle ; and a third from
the county of Leicester, which Hazlerig represented ; all of
them for the trial of the king. Dun, however, is sometimes put
for don or knight, as at line 110 of the ne.xt canto. Before
flionk's intentions were known, Hazlerig, in a conversation with
him, .said, "I see which way things are going; monarchy will
" be restored ; and then I know what will become of me."
"Pugh," replied Monk, "I will secure you for two-pence." In
no long time after, when the secret was out, Hazlerig sent Monk
a letter, with two-pence enclosed. This incident is mentioned
in the third volume of Lord Clarendon's State Papers, printed at
Oxford. Sir Arthur enlisted many soldiers, and had a regiment
called his Lobsters.
Without pretending that Butler had any view in this to the
ancients, it reminds me of the magnificent titles given to suc-
cessful generals. Fabius, I think, was called the shield, INIar-
cellus the sword of Rome, and Scipio the thunderbolt of war.
Swift excelled in this species of humor :
Would you describe Turenne or Trump,
Think of a bucket or a pump.
* Quint, that is, a quorum of five. After the death of Crom-
well, and the deposition of Richard, when the rump parliament
was restored, lest any conmiander-in-chief should again usurp
the sovereignty, they resolved that their speaker should hold
the offices both of general and admiral, which for a time he did.
The government of the army was then put into the hands of
seven coinmissioners, of whom Hazlerig was one. And again,
February 11, 16.59, Monk, Hazlerig, Walton, Morley, and Alured,
were appointed coinmissioners to govern the army. Whitelock'g
iwords are, " that Hazlerig did drive on furiously."
Canto n.] HUDIBRAS 433
He's mounted on a hazel bavin*
A cropp'd malignant baker gave 'em ;t
And to tlie largest bonfire riding,
They 've roasted Cook already, and Pride in;t 1550
On whom, in equipage and state,
His scare-crow fellow-members wait.
And march in order, two and two.
As at thanksgivings th' iis'd to do ;
Each in a tatter'd talisman, 1555
Like vermin in effigy slain.
But, what's more dreadful than the rest,
Those rumps are but the tail o' th' beast,
Set up by popish engineers.
As by the crackers plainly appears ; 1560
For none but Jesuits have a mission
To preach the faith with ammunition.
And propagate the church with powder ;
Their founder was a blown -up soldier.^
Those spiritual pioneers o' th' whore's, 1565
That have the charge of all her stores ;
Since first they fail'd in their designs,||
To take in heav'n by springing mines,
And, with unanswerable barrels
Of gunpowder, dispute their quarrels, 1570
Now take a course more practicable.
By laying trains to fire the rabble,
And blow us up, in th' open streets.
* An hazel fagot, such as bakers heat their ovens with.
t Pillory, iind cropping the ears, was a punishment inflicted
on bakers who made short weight, or bad bread. The sectaries
called all those malignants who were not of their party.
I Cook was solicitor at the king's trial ; he drew up a charge
against him; and was ready with a formal plea, in case the
king had submitted to the jurisdiction of the court. The plea
was printed, and answered Ijy Butler, in his Remains, (not the
genuine ones, vol. i. p. IIG.) Lord Clarendon allows him to
have been a man of abilities. His defence at his trial was bold
and manly, though not discreet or judicious. Pride has been
spoken of before. It was he who garbled the house of com-
mons, causing 41 members to l)e seized and confined, and deny-
ing entrance to 160 more ; several others being terrified declined
silting, and left the house to about 150, who passed the vote for
the trial of the king. This expulsion was called Colonel Pride's
Purge, and was the beginning of the rump parliament.
^ Ignatius Loyola, founder of the Jesuits, was a Spanish gen-
tleman, and bred a soldier: wounded at the siege of Pampeluna
by the French in 1521.
II Alluding to the gunpowder-plot, in the reign of James I.,
supposed to have been conducted by the Jesuits, and for which
Garnet and Oldcorn suffered.
19
434 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
Disgviis'd in rumps, like sambenites,*
More like to ruin and confound, 1575
Tlian all their doctrines underground.
Nor have they chosen rumps amiss,t
For symbols of state-mysteries ;
Tho' some suppose, 'twas but to shew
How much they scorn'd the saints, the few, 1580
Who, 'cause they 're wasted to the stumps,
Are represented best by rumps.t
But Jesuits have deeper reaches
In all their politic far-fetclies •;
And from the Coptic priest, Kircherus, 1585
Found out this mystic way to jeer us :§
For, as the Egyptians us'd by bees
T' express their ancient Ptolemies, ||
And by their stings, the swords they wore.
Held forth authority and pow'r ; 1590
Because these subtle animals
Bear all their int'rests in their tails ;
And when they 're once impair'd in that,
♦Persons wearing the saitihenito : a straight yellow coat
without sleeves, having the picture of the devil painted upon
It in black, wlierein the officers of the inquisition disguise and
expose heretics after their condemnation.
t The several pleasant arguments wltich follow, may be .seen
in a prose tract of the author's, called a speech made at the
Rota. Remains, vol. i. page 3-M.
t Lord Clarendon says, they were called the rump parlia-
ment, as being the fiig end of a carcass long since e.\pired :
they were reduced to less than a tenth part of their original
number.
§ The Christians in Egypt are called Coptics, from a city in or
near which many of them dwelt. [Dr. Nash settles the ques-
tion of Coptic very easily; but if the reader has any wish to
puzzle his brains in a research upon this point, he has only to
turn to any work where ancient Egypt is treated of, and he will
inunediately get into an etymological chase with Cupti, Giptu,
Gibbetu, ^Egopthus, and King Copte, that will assure him good
sport and carry him far beyond the Doctor's city ; as may be
seen from a glance at Todd's definition,^" Coptick, from Cop-
" tus, converted, by changing K intoG, into the Gr. AtyvnTos."]
Athanasius Kircher, the Jesuit, wrote many books on the an-
tiquities of Egypt, one of them is called CEdipus Egypliacus ;
'or which he says he studied the Egyptian mysteries twenty
years.
II As the Egyptians anciently represented their kings under
the emblem of a bee, which has the power of dispensing bene-
fits and inflicting punishments by its honey and its sting, though
the poet attends principally to the energy which it bears in its
tail ; so the citizens cf London significantly represented this
fag-end of a parliament by the rumps, or tail-parts, of sheep and
other animals : some editions read antique Ptolemies.
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 435
Are banish'd their vvell-order'd state :
They thought all governments were best 1595
By hieroglyphic rumps exprest.
For, as in bodies natural,
The rump's the fundament of all ;
So, in a commonwealth or realm,
The government is called the helm ; 1600
With which, like vessels under sail,
They're turn'd and winded by the tail.
The tail, which birds and fishes steer,
Their courses with, thro' sea and air ;
To whom the rudder of the rump is 1605
The same thing with the stern and compass,
This shews, how perfectly the rump
And commonwealth in nature jump.
For as a fly that goes to bed.
Rests with his tail above his head,* 1610
So, in this mongrel state of ours,
The rabble are the supreme powers.
That hors'd us on their backs, to show us
A jadish trick at last, and throw us.
The learned rabbins of the jews 1615
Write, there's a bone, which they call luez,t
* Several sorts of flies, having their fore legs shorter than
their hind legs, are generally seen at rest with their heads
downward.
t Eben Ezra, and Manasseh Ben Israel, taught, that there is
a bone in the rump of a man of the size and shape of half a
pea ; from which, as from an incorruptible seed, the whole man
would be perfectly formed at the resurrection. Remains, vol. i.
p. 320. The rabbins found their wild conjectures on Genesis, c.
xlviii. v. 2 and 3, where Liiz seems to mean the name of a
place, not of a bone. " And Jacob said unto Joseph, God Al-
" mighty appeared unto me at Luz, in the land of Canaan, and
' blessed me, and said, Behold I will make thee fruitful, and
" multiply thee, and I will make thee a multitude of people,
" and will give this land to thy seed after thee for an everlasting
" possession." See more, Agrippa de occulta philosophia, 1. i.
c. 20. Buxtorf, in his Chaldean Dictionary, under the word Luz,
says, it is the name of a human bone, which the Jews look
upon as incorruptible. In a book called Breshith Rabboth, sect
2a, it is said, that Adrian reducing the bones to powder, askek
the rabbin Jehoshuang (Jesuah the son of Hanniah) how God
would raise man at the day of judi;ment 1 from the Luz, replied
the rabbin; how do you know it 7 says .'\drian : bring me one,
and you shall see, says Jehoshuang ; one was produced, and al
methods, by fire, pounding, &c. tried, but in vain. (French
note.) In the General Dictionary, art. Barchochebas, (or, thi^
son of the star,) we read, that the Jewish authors suppose that
Hadrian was in person in the war against the Jews, anil that he
besieged and took the city of Bitter, and that he then had this
conference with the rabbi. See Manasse Ben-Israel de Resu'-
rectione, lib. ii. cap. 15.
436 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi
I' th* rump of man, of such a virtue,
No force in nature can do hurt to ;
And therefore, at the last great day,
All th' other members shall, they say, 1620
Spring out of this, as from a seed
All sorts of vegetals proceed ;
From whence the learned sons of art,
Os sacrum justly stile that part:*
Then what can better represent, 1625
Than this rump bone, the parliament?
That after sev'ral rude ejections.
And as prodigious resurrections,
With new reversions of nine lives.
Starts up, and, like a cat, revives ?t 1630
But now alas ! they 're all expir'd,
And th' house, as well as members, fir'd ;
* The lowest of the vertebra, or rather the bone below the
vertebrae, is so called ; not for the reason wittily assigned by
our poet, but, as Barlholine says, because it is much bigger than
any of the vertebrs, — vel quod partibus obsccenis, natura ips4
occultatis, subjacet ; sacrum enim execrabile ; as in Virgil :
Auri sacra fames.
t The rump, properly so called, began at Colonel Pride's Purge
above-mentioned, a little before the king's death ; and had the
supreme authority about five years. Cromwell, Lambert, Harri-
son, &c., turned out the rump, April 23, 16,53, and soon afterward
Cromwell usurped the administration, and held it almost live
years more. After Cromwell's death, and the deposition of his
son Richard, the rump parliament was restored by Lambert and
other oiBcers of the army, the excluded members not being per-
mitted to sit. They began their meeting May 7, 1659, in number
about tbrty-two. On some animosities and quarrels between
them and the army, they were prevented again from sitting, by
Lambert and the officers, October 13, in the same year. After
this, the officers chose a committee of safety o/ twenty-three
persons. These administered the affairs of government till
December 20, when, finding themselves generally hated and
slighted, and wanting money to pay the soldiers, Fleetwood and
the rest of them desired the rump to return to the exercise of
their trust. At length, by means of General Monk, about eighty
of the old secluded members resumed their places in the house;
upon which most of the runipers quitted it. Mr. Butler, in his
Genuine Remains, vol. i. p. 320, says, " Nothing can bear a nearer
"resemblance to the luz, or rump-bone of the ancient rabbins,
" than the present parliament, that has been so many years
"dead, and rotten under grounil, to any man's thinking, that the
" ghosts of some of the members thereof have transmigrated
"into other parliaments, and some into those parts frfmi whence
" there is no redemption, should nevertheless, at two several and
"respective resurrections start up, like the dragon's teeth that
" were sown, into living, natural, and carnal members. And,
" hence it is, I sup|)ose, that the physicians and anatomists call
"this bone os sacrum, or the lioly bone."
Canto ii.] HUDIBRAS. 437
Consum'd in kennels by the rout,
With which they other fires put out ;
Condemn'd t' ungoveriiing distress, 1635
And paltry private wretchedness ;
Worse than the devil to privation,
Beyond all hopes of restoration ;
And parted, like the body and soul,
From all dominion and controul.* 1640
We who could lately, with a look,
Enact, establish, or revoke,
Whose arbitrary nods gave law,
And frowns kept multitudes in awe ;
Before the bluster of whose hufF, 1645
All hats, as in a storm, flew off;
Ador'd and bow'd to by the great,
Down to the footman and valet ;
Had more bent knees than chapel mats,
And prayers than the crowns of hats, 1650
Shall now be sconi'd as wretchedly :
For ruin's just as low as high ;
Which might be suffer'd, were it all
The horror that attends our fall :
For some of us have scores more large 1655
Than heads and quarters can discharge ;
And others, who, by restless scraping.
With i)ublic frauds, and private rapine.
Have mighty heaps of wealth amass'd,
Would gladly lay down all at last ; 1660
And, to be but undone, entail
Their vessels on perpetual jail.
And bless the devil to let them farms
Of forfeit souls, on no worse terms.
This said, a near and louder shout 1665
Put all th' assembly to the rout,
Who now began t' out-run their fear,
As horses do, from those they bear ;
But crowded on with so much haste.
Until they 'd block'd the passage fast, 1670
And barricado'd it with haunches
* These lines paint well the hnnger and thirst after power in
ambitious minds. Aristotle's Politic, lib 3, relates the complaint
of Jason, that when he had not empire, he was famished, for
he knew not how to live as a private man. Commentators
think Tiberius alluded to this sayinK in his rebuke to Agrippina,
recorded by Tacitus, An. iv. 5-2, antl Suetonius in Tiberio, cap.
53. " What, child, because you do not govern us all, do yon
" think yourself wronged V
438 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Of outward men, and bulks and paunches,
That with their shoulders strove to squeeze,
And rather save a crippled piece
Of all their crush'd and broken members, 1675
Than Iiave them grilly'd on the embers ;
Still pressing on with heavy packs
Of one another on their backs,
The van guard could no longer bear
The charges of the forlorn rear, 1680
But, borne down headlong by the rout.
Were trampled sorely under foot ;
Yet nothing prov'd so formidable.
As th' horrid cook'ry of the rabble :
And fear, that keeps all feelings out, 1685
As lesser pains are by the gout,
Reliev'd 'em with a fresh supply
Of rally'd force, enough to fly.
And beat a Tuscan running horse.
Whose jockey-rider is all spurs.* 1690
* Races of this kind are practised both in the Corso at Rome
and at Florence. At Rome, in the carnival, there are five oi
Bix horses trained on purpose (or this diversion. They are
drawn up abreast in the Piazza del Popiilo; and certain balls,
with little sharp spikes, are hung along their rumps, which serve
to spur them on as soon as they beam to riia
PART III. CANTO III.
THE ARGUMENT.
The Knight and Squire's prodigious flight
To quit th' enchanted bow'r by night.
He plods to turn his amorous suit,
T' a plea in law, and prosecute:
Repairs to counsel, to advise
'Bout managing the enterprise ;
But first resolves to try by letter,
And one more fair address, to get her.
HUDIBRAS.
CANTO III*
Who would believe what strange bugbears
Mankind creates itself, of fears,
That spring, like fern, that insect weed,
Equivocalh^ without seed,t
And have no possible foundation, 5
But merely in th' imagination ?
And yet can do more dreadful feats
Tlian hags, with all their imps and teats ;
Make more bewitch and haunt themselves,
Than all their nurseries of elves. 10
For fear does things so like a witch,
* The Editor was much inclined to follow the plan of the
French translator, and place this before the preceding canto;
but he was afraid to alter the form which Butler himself had
made choice of, especially as the poet had taken the pains to re-
capitulate and explain the foregoing adventure, and bring it back
to the reader's memory.
t He calls it an insect weed, on the supposition of its being
bred, as many" insects were thought to be, not by the natural
generation of their own kinds, but by the corruption of other
substances, or the spontaneous fecundity of matter. This is call-
ed equivocal generation, in contradistinction to unequivocal, or
that which is brought about by a natural succession and deriva-
tion, from an egg, a seed, or a root, of the same animal or vege-
table. Plants of the cryptogamia class, ferns, mosses, flags, and
funguses, have their seeds and flowers so small as not to be
discernible; so that the ancients held them to be without seed.
Pliny, in his Natural History, says, Filicis duo genera, nee flo-
rem habent, nee semen, (lib. xxvii. c. 9.) Mr. Durham says, the
capsnlas are hardly a quarter so big as a grain of sand, and yet
may contain an hundred seeds. [Our ancestors, believing that
this plant produced seed that was invisible, concluded that those
who possessed the secret of wearing it about them would be-
come likewise invisible. See Henry IV. Part I.
Gads. We steal as in a castle, cocksure ; we have the
receipt of fern-seed^ we walk invisible.
Chamb. Nay, by my faith ; I think, you are more beholden to
the night ]
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 441
'Tis hard t' unriddle which is which ;
Sets up communities of senses,
To chop and change inteUigences ;
As Rosicrucian virtuosi's 15
Can see with ears, and hear with noses ;*
And when they neither see nor hear,
Have more than hoth supply'd by fear.
That maizes them in the dark see visions.
And hag themselves with apparitions, 20
And, when their eyes discover least,
Discern the subtlest objects best ;
Do things not contrary alone,
To th' course of nature, but its own,t
The courage of the bravest daunt, 25
And turn poltroons as valiant :
For men as resolute appear
With too much, as too little fear ;
And, when they 're out of hopes of flying,
Will run away from death, by dying ;| 30
Or turn again to stand it out.
And those they fled, like lions, rout.
* A banter on the marquis of Worcester's scantlings of inven-
tions. Edmund Somerset, marquis of Worcester, published, in
1663, a century of the names and scantlings of such inventions,
as, says he, "I can call to mind to have tried and perfected."
The book is a mere table of contents, a list only of an hundred
projects, mostly impossibilities ; though he pretends to have dis-
covered the art of performing all of them. How to make an un
sinkable ship— how to sail against wind and tide — how to fly —
how to use all the senses indifferently for each other, to talk by
colors, and to read by the taste — how to converse by the jan-
gling of bells out of tune, &c. &c. For an account of the mar-
quis of Worcester, see Walpole's Catalogue of Noble Authors;
and Collins's Peerage, article Beaufort, where is that most ex
traordinary patent which Charles the First granted to the mar
quis. Panurge, in Rabelais, says: que ses lunettes lui faisoient
entendre beaucoup plus clair. Shakspeare, in his Midsummer
Nisht's Dream, says, " He is gone to see a noise that he heard."
" This is an art to teach men to see with their ears, and hear
" with their eyes and noses, as it has been found true by e.xpe-
" rience and demonstration, if we may believe th? history of the
" Spaniard, that could see words, and swallow music l)y holding
" tlie peg of a fiddle between his teeth, or him that could sing
"his part backward at first sight, which those that were near
" him might hear with their noses." Butler's Femains, vol. ii.
p. 245. Our pnet probably me.ins to ridicule Sir Kenelm Digby,
and some treatises written by Dr. Bulwer, author of the Artifi-
cial Changeling.
t Suppose we read ;
but their own.
X Hostem dum fugeret, se Fannius ipse peremit,
Hie, rogo, non furor est, ne moriare, mori.
Mart. lib. 2, Ep. 80.
19*
442 HUDIBRAS. [Part ui.
This Hudibras had prov'd too true,
Who, by the furies, left perdue,
And haunted with detachments, sent 35
From marshall Legion's regiment,*
Weis by a fiend, as counterfeit,
Reliev'd and rescu'd witli a cheat,
When nothing but himself, and fear,
Was both the imps and conjurer ;t 40
As by the rules o' th' virtuosi,
It follows in due form of poesie.
Disguis'd in all the masks of night.
We left our champion on his flight.
And blindmau's buff, to grope his way, 45
In equal fear of night and day ;
Who took his dark and desp'rate course.
He knew no better than his horse ;
And by an unknown devil led,t
He knew as little whither, fled, 56
He never was in greater need.
Nor less capacity of speed ;
Disabled, both in man and beast.
To fly and run away, his best :§
To keep the enemy, and fear, 55
From equal falling on his rear.
And though, with kicks and bangs he ply'd.
The further and the nearer side ;
* Dr. Grey supposes that Stephen Marshal, a famous preacher
among the Presbyterians, is here intended. But the word mar-
shal, I am inclined to think, denotes a title of office and rank,
not the name of any particular man. Legion may, in this place,
be used for the name of a leader, or captain of a company of
devils, not the company itself. The meaning is, that the knight
was haunted by a crew of devils, such as that in the Gospel,
which claimed the name of Legion, because they were many ;
though it might be a devilish mortitication to attend the sermons
of Dr. Burgess and Stephen Marshal, who are said to have
preached before the House of Commons for above seven hours
without ceasing.
t The poet, with great wit, rallies the imaginary and ground-
less fears which possess some persons : and from whence pro-
ceed the tales of ghosts and apparitions, imps, conjurers, and
witches. Tully says, nolite enim putare — eos qui aliquid impie
scelerateque commiserinf, agitari et perterreri furiarum la:dis ar-
dentibus: sua quemque fraus, et suus terror muxime ve.xat:
suum quemque scelus agitat, amentiaque afficit : sua; mala: co-
gitationes conscienlia-que animi terrenl. Hssuntimpiis assiduae
domestica;que furia;. Pro S. Roscio, cap. x.tiv. The same thought
may be (bund in the Athenian orator, .^Eschines.
t It was Ralpho who conveyed the knight out of the widow's
house, though unknown.
§ That is, to do his best at flying and running away, in order
to keep the enemy, and fear, from falling equally on his rear.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 443
As seamen ride with all their force,
And tug as if they row'd the horse, 60
And when the hackney sails most swift,
Believe they lag, or run a-drift ;
So, the' he posted e'er so fast.
His fear was greater than his haste :
For fear, though fleeter than the wind, 65
Believes 'tis always left behind.
But when the morn began t' appear.
And shift t', another scene his fear,
He found liis new officious shade,
That came so timely to his aid, ■ 70
And forc'd him from the foe t' escape,
Had turn'd itself to Ralpho's shape,
So like in person, garb, and pitch,
'Tvvas hard t' interpret which was which.
For Ralpho had no sooner told 75
The lady all he had t' unfold,
But she convey'd him out of sight,
To entertain th' approaching Knight ;
And while he gave himself diversion,
T' accommodate his beast and person, 80
And put his beard into a posture
At best advantage to accost her,
She order'd th' anti-masquerade.
For his reception, aforesaid :
But, when the ceremony was done, 85
The lights put out, the furies gone,
And Hudibras, among the rest,
Convey'd away, as Ralpho guess'd,*
The wretched caitiff, all alone.
As he believ'd, began to moan, 98
And tell his story to himself.
The Knight mistook him for an elf ;
And did so still, till he began
To scruple at Ralph's outward man,
And thought, because they oft' agreed 95
T' appear in one another's stead.
And act the saint's and devil's part,
With undistinguishable art,
They might have done so now, perhaps,
* It is here said that Ralpho guessed liis master was conveyed
away, and that he Ijelieved himself to be all alone when he had
made his lamentation : but this seems to be a slip of memory in
the poet, for some parts of his lamentations are not at all appli-
cable to his own case, but plainly designed for his master's hear-
ing: such are v. 1371, &.C. of Part iii. c. 1.
444 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi
And put on one another's shapes ; 100
And therefore, to resolve the doubt,
He star'd upon liim, and cry'd out,
What art ? my Squire, or that bold sprite
That took his place and shape to-night 1*
Socie busy independent pug, 105
Retainer to his synagogue ?
Alas ! quoth he, I'm none of those
Your bosom friends, as you suppose,
But Ralph himself, your trusty Squire,
Who 'as dragg'd your donship out o' the mire,t 110
And from th' enchantments of a widow.
Who 'ad turn'd you int' a beast, have freed you ;
And, tho' a prisoner of war.
Have brought you safe, where now you are ;
Which you wou'd gratefully repay, 115
Your constant presbyterian way.t
That's stranger, quoth the Knight, and stranger,
Who gave thee notice of my danger ;
Quoth he, Th' infernal conjurer
Pursu'd, and took me prisoner ; 120
And, knowing you were hereabout,
Brought me along to find you out.
Where I, in hugger-mugger hid,§
Have noted all they said or did :
And, tho' they lay to him the pageant, 125
I did not see him nor his agent ;
Who play'd their sorceries out of sight,
T' avoid a fiercer second fight.
But didst thou see no devils then?
Not one, quoth, he, but carnal men, 130
A little worse than fiends in hell.
And that she-devil Jezebel,
That laugh'd and tee-he'd with derision
To see them take your deposition.
* Sir Hudibras, we may remember, though he had no objectioB
to consult with evil spirits, did not speak of them with much
respect.
t The word don is often used to signify a knight.
j The poet still preserves the wrangling temper of the dissent-
ing brethren.
^ Thus Shakspeare, in Hamlet : " We have done hut greenly
" in hugger-mvjrger to inter him, poor Ophelia." " All the mod
" em editions," says Dr. Johnson, " give it, m private ; if phrase-
" ology is to be changed, as words grow uncouth by disuse, or
"gross by vulgarity, the history of every language will be lost •
" we shall no longer have the words of any author, and as these
"alterations will often be unskilfully made, we shall in time
" have very little of his meaning."
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 445
What then, quoth Hudibras, was he 135
That play'd the dev'l to examine me ?
A rallying weaver in the town,*
That did it in a parson's gown,
Whom all the parish take for gifted,
But, for my part, I ne'er believ'd it: 140
In which you told them all your feats,
Your conscientious frauds and cheats ;
Deny'd your whipping, and confess'd,t
* This line should begin a new paragraph, as it belongs to a
new and difi(?rent speaker.
t It has been supposed that tlie person here meant was Wil-
liams. l)isliop of Lincoln, afterwiirds archbishop of York. Some
of his tracts seem to apologize for the dissenters.— Letter to the
Vicar of Grantham. — .And Hi. ly Table, name and thing ; against
placing the communion-table at the east end of the chancel, and
setting rails before it. He delivered the town and castle of Con-
wy* to the parliament, and had a private conference with Prynne
and others : was certainly a violent opponent of Land, and for
some time a favorite with the dissenters. Perhaps his great pas-
sion, pride, and vanity, failings, as my worthy friend Mr. Pennant
says, (Tour in Wales, vol. ii. p. 295,) to which his countrymen
are often subject, might have occasioned him to espouse the in-
terest of llie dis.senters, in order to show his resentment to Laud
and Wren. In the same spirit he is thought to have delivered
Conwy to General Mytton, because he had been superseded. -in
the custody of that place by Prince Kupert. In the Gentleman's
Magazine for October, 1781), is a letter from Oliver Cromwell to
Archbishop Williams, t'r(nn which it appeurs that there was a
good understanding between them. The date is September 1,
1647. Others liave imagined that this passage alludes to Gra-
ham, bishop of Orkney, or Adair, bishop of Kilala. In Keitli's
Lives of the Scottish Bishops, the former, we read, was translated
from Dunblane to Orkney; which see lie lield from IGl.) to 1038.
He was very rich, and being threatened bytlie assembly of Glas-
gow, he renounced his episcopal function ; and in a letter to that
assembly declared his unfeigned sorrow and grief for having ex-
ercised so sinful an oflice in the church. In the Catalogue of
the Bishops of Scotland to 1688, Edin. 17.5.5, occurs Alexander
Lindsay, who continued in the see of Dunkeld till lti38, when
he renounced his office, abjured episcopacy, submitted to Pres-
byterian parity, and accepted from the thf n rulers his former
church of St. Mado's. In the (jpinifin of others this reflection
was designed for Croft, bishop of Hereford ; wiio, though he ^
could not have been directly intended by the squire, might, per-
haps, be obliquely glanced at by the poet. In 1073, two or three
years before the publication of this part of the poem, came out
a pamphlet by an anonymous writer, but generally attributed to
the bishop of Hereford, called. The naked Truth, a title which
gives a striking air of probability to the supposition. In this
piece the distinction of tlie three orders of the church is flatly
denied, and endeavored to be disproved : the surplice, bowing to-
wards the altar, kneeling at the sacrament, and other ceremonies
of the church are condemned ; while most of the pleas for non
* Conwy significi3 the lirst or chief of waters
446 HUDIBRAS. [Part ra.
The naked truth of all the rest,
More plainly than the rev'rend writer 145
That to our churches veil'd his miter ;
All which they took in black and white,
And cudgell'd me to underwrite.
What made thee, when they all were gone,
And none but thou and I alone, 150
To act the devil, and forbear
To rid me of my hellish fear ?
Qiiotli he, I knew your constant rate,
And frame of sp'rit too obstinate.
To be by me prevail'd upon, 155
With any motives of my own ;
And therefore strove to counterfeit
The dev'l awhile, to nick your wit ;
The devil that is your constant crony,
That only can prevail upon ye ; 160
Else we might still have been disputing.
And they with weighty drubs confuting.
The Knight, who now began to find
They 'd left the enemy behind,
And saw no further harm remain, 165
But feeble weariness and pain,
Perceiv'd, by losing of their way.
They 'ad gain'd th' advantage of the day,
And, by declining of the road.
They had, by chance, their rear made good ; 170
He ventur'd to dismiss his fear.
That parting's wont to rant and tear,
And give the desp'ratest attack
To danger still behind its back :
For having paus'd to recollect, 175
And on his past success reflect,
T' examine and consider why.
And whence, and how, he came to fly,
And when no devil had appear'd.
What else it could be said he fear'd, 180
It put him in so fierce a rage.
He once resolv'd to re-engage ;
Toss'd, like a foot-ball, back again
conformists are speciously and zealously supported. This pam-
phlet fell not within the compass of time comprised in the
poem; but Mr. Butler might think proper to hint at it, because
it made a great noise, and was much talked of. Andrew Mar-
veil, in his Rehearsal Transprosed, says, it is written with the
pen of an angel.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 447
With shame, and vengeance, and disdain.*
Quoth he, It was tiiy cowardice, 185
That made me from this leaguer rise,
And when I'd half redue'd the place,
To quit it infamously base,
Was better cover'd by the new
Arriv'd detachment, than I knew ;t 190
To slight my new acquests, and run,
Victoriously, from battles won ;
And, reck'ning all I gain'd or lost.
To sell them clieaper than they cost ,
To make me put myself to flight, 195
And, conqu'ring, run away by night ;
To drag me out, which th' haughty foe
Durst never have presum'd to do ;
To mount me in the dark, by force,
Upon the bare ridge of my horse, 200
Expos'd in querpo to their rage,
Without my arms and equipage ;t
Lest, if they ventur'd to pursue,
I might 111' unequal fight renew ;
And, to preserve my outward man, 205
Assum'd my place, and led the van.
All this, quoth Ralph, I did, 'tis true.
Not to preserve myself, but you :
You, who were damn'd to baser drubs
Than wretches feel in powd'ring tubs,§ 210
* sestuat ingens
Uno in corde pudor, inixtoque insania luctu,
Et furiis agitatus amor, et conscia virtus.
/Eneis x. 870.
t Here seems a defect in coherency and syntax. The Knight
means, that it was dishonorahle in him to quit the siege, espe-
cially when reinforced by the arrival of the Squire.
X Qu^Tpu, from the Spanish cuerpo, corpus, liere signifies a
waistcoat, or close jacket. Butler, in MS. Common-place book,
says, ail coats of arms were defensive, and worn upon shields;
though the ancient use of them is now given over, and men fight
in querpo. See Junii Etymolog. to fight in buff. [" Boy, my
"cloak and rapier; it fits not a gentleman of my rank to walk
the streets in querpo." Beaumont and Fletcher. — Love's Cure,
ii. 1.]
^ The poet often leaves room for various conjectures. Critics,
to explain this passage, have thought of the Dutch punishment
of pumping: of the Salpetriere prison at Paris: of the martyrs
ground in a mill : but I believe it alludes to the old method of
atti'inpting to cure the venereal disease by sudorifics, mentioned
tinder the words sweating-lanthorns — to preserve you from the
blows or pains (the cause for the eftect) more severe than those
which venereal patients suffer by the awkward attempt to cure,
before the use of mercury, which was not much known befora
448 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
To mount two-wheel'd carroches, worse
Thau managing a wooden horse ;*
Dragg'd out thro' straiter holes by th' ears,
Eras'd or coup'd for perjurers ;t
Who, tho' th' attempt had prov'd in vain, 215
Had had no reason to complain ;
But, since it prosper'd, 'tis unhandsome
To blame the hand that paid your ransom,
And rescu'd your obnoxious bones
From unavoidable battoons. 220
The enemy was reinforc'd,
And we disabled and unhors'd,
Disarm'd, unqualify'd for fight.
And no way left but hasty flight,
Which, tho' as desp'rate in th' attempt,t 225
Has giv'n you freedom to condemn 't.
But were our bones in fit condition
To reinforce the expedition,
'Tis now unseasonable and vain.
To think of falling on again : 230
No martial project to sui-prise
the restoration : Butler is so loose in his grammatical construc-
tion, that powdering may allude to drubs, and signify violent, as
at v. 1055 of this canto :
Laid on in haste with such a powder,
That blows grew louder and still louder.
, The preacher's pulpit is often called a tub, and sometimes a
/ ij sweating-tub, from the violence of action when the preacher
(^ II thumped the cushion like a drum. In a ballad falsely ascribed
y to Butler, called Oliver's Court, Posthumous Works, vol. ii,
^ p. 240 :
If it be one of the eating tribe.
Both a Pharisee and a scribe,
And hath learn'd the sniveling tone
Of a fluxt devotion,
Cursing from his sweatiTig-tuh.
Perhaps it would be better, if in the first line we read, canting
tribe. See P. ii. c. iii. v. 759, note.
* Carroche properly signifies coach, from the French carrosse ;
but in burlesque it is a cart, particularly that in which convicts
are carried to e.xecution. Riding the wooden-horse was a pun-
ishment inflicted on soldiers. That is, you who was damned, or
condemned to be dragged, &c.
t Erased, in heraldry, is when a member seems forcibly torn,
or plucked off from the body, so that it looked jagged like the
teeth of a s:iw; it is u'^ed in contradistinction to couped, which
signifies a thing cut oft' cle.m and smooth. Set in the pillory,
and couped, from the French coupe, cropped. The knight had
incurred the guilt of perjury.
X Suppose we read :
VVhich, tho' Hwas deSp'rate
V
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS 449
Can ever be attempted twice ;*
Nor cast desi^ serve afterwards,
As gamesters tear their losing cards.
Beside, our bangs of man and beast 235
Are fit for nothing now but rest.
And for a while will not be able
To rally and prove serviceable :
And therefore I, with reason, chose
This stratagem t' amuse our foes, 240
To make an hon'rable retreat.
And wave a total sure defeat:
• For those that fly may fight again.
Which he can never do that 's slain.t
Hence timely running 's no mean part 245
Of conduct, in the martial art.
By which some glorious feats achieve.
As citizens by breaking thrive,
And cannons conquer armies, while
They seem to draw off and recoil ; 250
Is held the gallant'st course, and bravest, t
To great exploits, as well as safest ;
That spares th' expense of time and pains.
And dang'rous beating out of brains ;
And, in the end, prevails as certain 255
As those that never trust to fortune ;
But make their fear do execution
Beyond the stoutest resolution ;
As earthquakes kill without a blow.
And, only trembling, overthrow. 260
* A coup de main, or project of taking l)y surprise, if it does
not succeed at first, ou^ht not to he persevered in. Non licet bis
peccare, is a known military maxim.
t Demosthenes justified his flight from the battle of Chaeronea
by the same argument.
'Avfjj) b <l>svyii>v Kai ird^iv iiaxns^Tai-
It is an iambic from some poet, Anius Gellius, Noct. Attic, lib.
17. 21. Dr. Jortin, in his Tracts, would read,
'Av>tp b ipivywv KoX TrdXif yl (ptv^crat.
He who has an inclination to read more concerning this Senarius
proverbialis quo monemur non protinus abjicere animum, siquid
paruin feliciler successerit, nam victos pusse vincere : proinde
Honierus, &c., may consult Krasm. Adagia. — The Satyre M«;uip-
p6e has the idea thus expressed :
Souvent celuy qui demeure
Kst cause de son meschef,
Celuy qui fuit de bonne hetue
Peut combattre dcrechef.
{ In some editions we read :
' Tis held the gallant'st
.^'^,//^ ^- '
^t^*-e'' **• t '
450 HUDIBRAS. [Part in
If th' ancients crown'd their bravest men
That only sav'd a citizen,
What victory cou'd e'er be won,
If ev'ry one would save but one ?
Or fight endanger'd to be lost, 265
Were all resolve to save the most ?
By this means, when a battle's won,
The war's as far from being done ;
For those that save themselves and fly,
Go halves, at least, i' th' victory ; 270
And sometime, when the loss is small,
And danger great, they challenge all ;
Print new additions to their feats,
And emendations in gazettes ;
And when, for furious haste to run, 275
They durst not stay to fire a gun,
Have done 't with bonfires, and at home
Made squibs and crackers overcome ;
To set the rabble on a flame.
And keep their governors from blame, 280
Disperse the news the pulpit tells,*
Confirm'd with fire- works and with bells :
And tho' reduc'd to that extreme,
They have been forc'd to sing Te Deum ;
Yet, with religious blasphemy, 285
By flattering heav'n with a lie ;
And, for their beating, giving thanks,
They 've rais'd recruits, and fill'd their ranks ;t
* "In their sermons," says Burnet, "and chiefly in their
" prayers, all that passed in tiie state was canvassed. Men were
" as good as named, and either recommended or complained of to
" God, as they were odious or acceptable to them. At length
"tills humor grew so petulant, that the pulpit was a scene of
" news and passion."
t It has been an ancient and very fre(\ lent practice for the
vanquished party in war to boast of victory, and even to ordain
solemn thanksgivings, as means of keeping up the spirits of the
people. The parliament often had recourse to this artifice, and
in the course of the war had thirty-five thanksgiving days. In
the first notable encounter, at Wickfield near Worcester, Sep-
tember 23, 1642, their forces received a total defeat. Whitelock
says, they were all killed or routed, and only one man lost on
the king's side. Yet the parliamentarians spread about printed
papers ijragglng of it as a complete victory, and ordained a special
thank.sgiving in London. This they did after the battle of Keyn-
ton, and the second fight at Newbery ; but particularly when
Sir William Waller received that great defeat at Roundway-
down, they kept a thanksgivuig at Gloucester, and made re-
joicings for a sianal victory, which they pretended he had gained
for them. This was no new practice. See Polyaeni Stratagem,
lib. 1. cap. 35, and 44. — Stratocles persuaded the Athenians to
Cakto III.] HUDIBRAS. 451
For tliose who run from tli' enemy,
Engage them equally to fly ; 390
And when the fight becomes a chace,
Those win the day that win the race ;*
And that which would not pass in fights.
Has done the feat with easy flights ;t
Recover'd many a desp'rate campaign 295
VVitii Bourdeaux, Burgundy, and Champaign ;
Restor'd the fainting high and mighty,
Witli brandy-wine, and aquavits ;
And made them stoutly overcome
With bacrack, hoccamore and mum ;t 300
Whom th' uncontroll'd decrees of fate
To victory necessitate ;
With which, altho' they run or burn,§
They unavoidably return ;
Or else their sultan populaces 305
Still strangle all their routed bassas.|I
Quoth Hudibras, I understand
What fights thou mean'st at sea and land,
And who those were that run away.
And yet gave out th' had won the day ;ir 310
offer a sacrifice to the gods, by way of thanks, on account of
their having defeated their enemies, and yet he liiiew that the
Athenian fleet had been defeated. When the truth was known,
and the people exasperated, his reply was, " What injury have
" I done you 1 it is owing to me that you have spent three days
" in joy.'' — Catherine of Medicis was used to say, that a false
report, if believed for three days, might save a state. — See many
stories of the same kind in the General Dictionary, vol. x. p. 337.
* An old philosopher, at a drinking match, insisted that he
had won the prize because he was first drunk.
t Dolus an virtus quis in hoste requirit.
t The first is an excellent kind of Rhenish wine, so called
from a towji of that name in the lower Palatinate. [Bachanich.
Henry Stephens preferred this wine to every other.] Heylin de-
rived the name of bacrack from Bacchi ara. [It was an ancient
tradition.] Hoccamore is what we call old hock. Mum is a
liquor used in Germany, and made, as I am told, from wheat
malted.
^ That is, though they run away, or their ships are fired. See
v. 308.
II The mob, like the sultan or grand seignior, seldom fail to
strangle any of their commanders, called bassas, if they prove
unsuccessful. Thus Waller was neglected after the battle of
Rounda way-down, called by the wits Runaway-down.
IT The poeumight farther have illustrated this subject, if he
had known the contents of an essay lately published by Mr.
Maclaurin, to prove that Troy really was not taken by the
Greeks. See the Transactions of the Royal Society of Edin-
burgh : this whim is as old as Dio Chrysostom, who wrote an
elaborate tract, still extant, to demonstrate his Paradox.
452 HUDIBRAS. [Part m
Although the rabble sous'd them for 't.
O'er head and ears, in mud and dirt.
'Tis true our modern way of War
Is grown more politic by far,*
But not so resolute and bold, ,315
Nor ty'd to honour, as the old.
For now they laugh at giving battle,
Unless it be to herds of cattle ;
Or fighting convoys of provision,
Tlie whole design o' th' expedition, 320
And not with downright blows to rout
The enemy, but eat them out :
As fighting, in all beasts of prey.
And eating, are perform'd one way,
To give defiance to their teeth, 325
And fight their stubborn guts to death ;
And tliose achieve the high'st renown,
That bring the other stomachs down.
There's now no fear of wounds nor maiming,
All dangers are reduc'd to famine, 330
And feats of arms to plot, design.
Surprise, and stratagem, and mine :
But have no need nor use of courage.
Unless it be for glory, or forage :
For if they figlit 'tis but by chance, 335
When one side vent'ring to advance.
And come uncivilly too near.
Are charg'd unmercifully i' th' rear,
And forc'd, with terrible resistance,
To keep hereafter at a distance, 340
* Mr. Butler's MS. Common-place book has the following
lines :
For fighting now is out of mode,
And stratagem's the only road ;
Unless in th' out-of-fashion wars,
Of barb'rous Turks and Polanders.
All feats of arms are now reduc'd
To chousing, or to being chous'd;
They fight not now to overthrow.
But gall or circumvent a fne.
And watch all small advantages
As if they fought a game at chess ;
And he's approv'd the most deserving
Who longest can hold out at starving.
Who makes best fricasees of cats,
Of frogs and , and mice and rats ;
Pottage of vermin, and ragoos
Of trunks and boxes, and old shoes.
And those who, like th' immortal gods,
Do never eat, have still the odds.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 453
To pick out ground t' encamp upon,
Where store of largest rivers run,
That serve, instead of peaceful barriers,
To part th' engagements of their warriors ;
Where both from side to side may skip, 345
And only encounter at bo-peep :
For men are found the stouter-hearted,
The certainer they're to be parted,
And therefore post themselves in bogs.
As th' ancient mice attack'd the frogs,* 350
And made their mortal enemy.
The water-rat, their strict ally.t
For 'tis not now, who's stout and bold ?
But, who bears hunger best, and cold ?t
And he's approv'd the most deserving, 355
Who longest can hold out at starving ;
And he that routs most pigs and cows.
The formidablest man of prowess.^
So th' emperor Caligula,
That triumph'd o'er the British sea,|| 360
Took crabs and oysters prisoners.
And lobsters, 'stead of cuirassiers, IT
Engag'd his legions in fierce bustles
With periwinkles, prawns, and muscles.
And led his troops with furious gallops, 365
* Alluding to the poem on the battle between the Mice and
the Frogs attributed to Homer.
t The Dutch, who seemed to favor the parliamentarians.
t An ordinance was passed March 26, l(i-14, for the contribu-
tion of one meal a week toward the charge of the army.
§ A sneer, perhaps, on Venables and Pen, who were unfor-
tunate in their expedition against the Spaniards at St. Domingo,
in the year 1G.55. It is observed of them, that they exercised
their valnr only on horses, asses, and such like, making a
shiughter of all they met, greedily devouring skins, entrails, and
all, to satiate their hunger. See Harleian Miscellany, vol. ill.
No. xii. pp. 494, 498.
II Caligula, having ranged his army on the sea-shore, and dis-
posed his instruments of war as if he was just going to engage,
while every one vv<.ndered what he designed to do, on a sudden
ordered his men to gather up the shells on the strand, and to fill
their helmets and their bosoms with them, calling Ihem the spoils
of the conquered ocean. Suetonius in vita Caligula;.
IT Sir Arthur Hazelrig had a regiment called his lobsters; it
has been thought by some, that the defeat at Roundaway-down
was owing to the ill-behavior of this regiment. Cleveland, ia
his character of a London diurnal, says, " This is the William
"which is the city's chanipion, and the diurnal's delight. Yet
"in all this triumph, translate the scene but to Roundaway-
"down, there Hazelrig's lobsters were turned into crabs, and
" crawled backwards."
454 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
To charge whole regiments of scallops ;
Not like their ancient way of war,
To wait on his triumphal car ;
But when he went to dine or sup,
More bravely ate his captives up, 370
And left all war, by his example,
Reduc'd to vict'ling of a camp well.
Quoth Ralph, By all that you have said.
And twice a-s much that I cou'd add,
'Tis plain you cannot now do worse 37S
Than take this out-of-fashion'd course ;
To hope, by stratagem, to woo her,
Or waging battle to subdue her;
Tho' some have done it in romances,
4nd bang"d them into am'rous fancies ; 380
As those who won the Amazons,
By wanton drubbing of their bones ;
And stout Rinaldo gain"d his bride*
By courting of her back and side.
But since those times and feats are over, 385
They are not for a modern lover,
When mistresses are too cross-grain'd,
By such addresses to be gain'd ;
And if they were, would have it out
With many another kind of bout. 390
Therefore I hold no course s' infeasible,
As this of force, to win the Jezebel,
To storm her heart by th' antic charms
Of ladies errant, force of arms ;
But rather strive by law to win her, 395
And try the title you have in her.
Your case is clear, you have her word,
And me to witness the accord :t
Besides two more of her retinue
To testify what pass'd between you ; 400
More probable, and like to hold,
Than hand, or seal, or breaking gold,t
For wliich so many that renounc'd
Their plighted contracts have been trounc'd.
* See the interview between Rinaldo and Armida, in the last
book of Tasso. Or perhaps the poet, quotini; by memory, mis-
took the name, and intended to have mentioned Ruggiero in
Ariosto.
t Ralpho, no doubt, was re;idy to witness any thing that would
serve his turn ; and hoped the widow's two attendants would do
the same.
* See note on P. ii. c. i. 1. 585.
Canto hi.] HUDIBRAS. 455
And bills upon record been found, 405
That forc'd the ladies to compound ;
And that, unless I miss the matter,
Is all the business you look after.
Besides, encounters at the bar
Are braver now than those in war, 410
In which the law does execution,
With less disorder and confusion ;
Has more of honour in 't, some hold.
Not like the new way, but the old,*
When those the pen had drawn together,t 415
Decided quarrels with the feather.
And winged arrows kill'd as dead.
And more than bullets now of lead :t
So all their combats now, as then,
Are manag'd chiefly by the pen ; 420
That does the feat, with brave vigours,
In words at length, as well as figures ;
Is judge of all the world performs
In voluntary feats of arms.
And whatsoe'r 's atchiev'd in fight, 425
Determines which is wrong or right ;
For whether you prevail, or lose,
All must be try'd there in the close ;§
And therefore 'tis not wise to shun
Wliat you must trust to ere ye 've done. 430
The law that settles all you do.
And marries where you did but woo ;
That makes the most perfidious lover,
A lady, that's as false, recover ;||
And if it judge upon your side, 435
* The poet's ideas crowd so fast upon him, that he is not al-
ways quite intelligible at first reading. Ralpho persuades the
knii;ht to gain the willow, at least her fortune, not by the fire-
arms now in use, but by law ; the feathered arrow of the
lawyer.
t Does he mean those whom written challenges had brought
to fight 1 or does lie allude to the Latin phrase for enlisting:
conscript! niililes, conscribere exercitus 1
X Bishop Wilkiiis (Miithem. Magic.) maintains, that the en-
gines of the ancients, balistoe and catapulta;, did more execution,
and were far more portable, than cannon. See likewise Sir
Clement Edmonds's judicious observations upon Caesar's Com-
mentaries. Battles in ancient times seem to have been attend-
ed with more casualties than since the invention of gunpowder.
§ Ralpho goes on to extol the energy of the pen, whicli, in the
hand of the historian, can control even the most warlike elforts.
II That is, the law will recover a lady that is as false as the
most perfidious lover.
456 HUDIBRAS. [Part hi.
Will soon extend her for your bride,*
And put her person, goods, or lands,
Or which you like best, int' your hands.
For law's the wisdom of all ages,
And manag'd by the ablest sages, 440
Who, tho' their bus'ness at the bar
Be but a kind of civil war,
In which th' engage with fiercer dudgeons
Than e'er the Grecians did, and Trojans ;
They never manage the contest 445
T' impair their public interest,
Or by their controversies lessen
The dignity of their profession :
Not like us brethren, who divide
Our commonwealth, the cause, and side ;t 450
And tho' we're all as near of kindred
As th' outward man is to the inward,
We agree in nothing, but to wrangle
About the slightest finglc-fangle.
While lawyers have more sober sense, 455
Than t' argue at their own expense,!
But make their best advantages
Of others' quarrels, like the Swiss ;§
And out of foreign controversies.
By aiding both sides, fill their purses ; 460
But have no int'rest in the cause
For which th' engage, and wage the laws
Nor further prospect than their pay,
Whether they lose or win the day.
And tho' th' abounded in all ages, 465
With sundry learned clerks and sages ;
Tho' all their bus'ness be dispute,
Which way they canvass ev'ry suit,
They 've no disputes about their art,
* Lay an extent upon her ; seize her for your use.
t Take part on one side or the other. Whereas we who have
a ccmnion interest, a connnon cause, a common party against
the royalists and Episcopalians, weaken our strength by internal
divisions among ourselves.
t The wisdom of lawyers is such, that however they may
seem to quarrel at the bar, yet they are good friends the moment
they leave the court. Unlike us. Independents and Presbyte-
rians, who, though our opinions are very similar, are always
wrangling about the merest trifles.
^ The Swiss, if they are well paid, will enter into the service
of any foreign power : but, point d'argent, point de Suisse. An
old distich says :
Theologis animam subjecit lapsus Adami
£t corpus medicis, et bona juridicis.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 457
Nor in polemics controvert ; 470
While all professions else are found
With nothing but disputes t' abound :
Divines of all sorts, and physicians,
Philosophers, mathematicians ;
The Galenist, and Paracelsian, 475
Condemn the vi^ay each other deals in ;*
Anatomists dissect and mangle,
To cut themselves out work to wrangle ;
Astrologers dispute their dreams.
That in tiieir sleeps they talk of schemes ; 480
And heralds stickle, who got who.
So many hundred years ago.
But lawyers are too wise a nation
T' expose their trade to disputation,
Or make their busy rabble judges 485
Of all their secret piques and grudges ;
In which, whoever wins the day.
The whole profession's sure to pay.t
Beside, no mountebanks, nor cheats,
Dare undertake to do their feats, 490
When in all other sciences
They swarm like insects, and increase.
For what bigot durst ever draw,t
By inward light, a deed in law ?
Or could hold forth by revelation, 495
An answer to a declaration?
For those that meddle with their tools,
Will cut their fingers, if they 're fools :
And if you follow their advice.
In bills, and answers, and replies, 500
They'll write a love-letter in chancery.
Shall bring her upon oath to answer ye.
And soon reduce her to b' your wife,
Or make her weary of her life.
The Knight, who us'd with tricks and shifts 505
To edify by Ralpho's gifts.
But in appearance cry'd him down,§
To make them better seem his own,
* The followers of Galen weie advocates for the virtues and
use of plants ; the disciples of Paracelsus recommended chemi
cal preparations.
t That is, whoever wins is sure to pay the whole profession ;
or rather, whether sergeant A or counsellor B be more successful
in .abusinj; each other, the whole profession of the law is dis-
graced by their scurrilities.
t The accent is here laid on the last syllable of bigot.
4 Perhaps a better reading would be, — cry'd 'em down.
20
458 HUDIBRAS, [Part iu,
All plagiaries' constant course
Of sinking when tliey take a purse,* 510
Resolv'd to follow his advice,
But kept it from him by disguise ;
And, after stubborn contradiction,
To counterfeit his own conviction,
And, by transition, fall upon 515
The resolution as his own.t
Quoth he, This gambol thou advisest
Is, of all others, the unwisest ;
For, if I think by law to gain her,
There's nothing sillier, nor vainer. 52©
'Tis but to hazard my pretence.
Where nothing's certain but th' expence ;
To act against myself, and traverse
My suit and title to her favours ;
And if she should, which heav'n forbid, 525
O'erthrow me, as the fiddler did,
What after-course have I to take,
'Gainst losing all I have at stake ?
He that with injury is griev'd.
And goes to law to be reliev'd, ' 530
Is sillier than a sottish chouse.
Who, when a thief has robb'd his house,
Applies himself to cunning men.
To help him to his goods agen ;t
* Such as steal out of other men's works, and abuse the au-
thors they are beholden to, are like highwaymen, who abuse
those whom they rob. Or perhaps sinking may mean stooping,
or diving with the hand to reach a person's pocket. Pickpock-
ets in partnership may be apt to sink or conceal part of the liooty
from their companions. But I must refer to the Bow-street Vo-
cabulary. [The meaning is simply the plagiarist conceals his
robbery as the pickpocket does his.]
t Dr. Thomas Burnet says, Libentius auscultamus rationibus
et argumentis a nobis ipsis inventis, quam ab aliis proposilis ; ut,
cum sententiam mutanius, non tam ab aliis victi, quam a nobis-
met ipsis edocti, id fecisse videamur.
t The misfortunes of too many will incline them to subscribe
to the truth of this e.\cellent observation. The word chews, or
chouse, is derived either from the French, gausser, to cheat or
laugh at, or from the Italian, gaffo, a fool. In Mr. Butler's MS.
under these lines, are many severe strictures on lawyers:
More nice and subtle than those wire-drawers
Of equity and justice, common lawyers ;
Who never end, but always prune a suit
To make it bear the greater store of fruit.
As laboring men their hands, criers their lungs,
Porters their backs, lawyers hire out their tongues.
A tongue to mire and gain accustomed long,
Grows quite insensible to right or wrong.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 459
When all he can expect to gain, 535
Is but to squander more in vain :
And yet I have no other way,
But is as difficult to play :
For to reduce her by main force
Is now in vain ; by fair means, worse ; 540
But worst of all to give her over,
'Till she's as desp'rate to recover :
For bad games are thrown up too soon,
Until they 're never to be won ;
But since I have no other course, 545
But is as bad t' attempt, or worse.
He that complies against his will, ;
Is of his own opinion still,
Which he may adhere to, yet disown,
For reasons to himself best known ; 550
But 'tis not to b' avoided now.
For Sidrophel resolves to sue ;
Whom I must answer, or begin,
Inevitably, first with him ;
For I've receiv'd advertisement, 555
By times enough, of his intent ;
And knowing he that first complains
Th' advantage of the bus'ness gains ;
For courts of justice understand
The plaintiff to be eldest hand ; 560
Who what he pleases may aver.
The other nothing till he swear;*
Is freely admitted to all grace.
And lawful favour, by his place ;
And, for his bringing custom in, 565
Has all advantages to win :
I, who resolve to oversee
No lucky opportunity.
Will go to council, to advise
Which way t' encounter, or surprise, 570
And after long consideration.
Have found out one to fit th' occasion.
Most apt for what I have to do.
As counsellor, and justice too.t
The humorist th:U would have had a trial
With one that did but loolt upon his dial,
And sued him but (or telling of his clock.
And saying, 'twas too fast, or slow it struck.
* An answer to a bill of chancery is always upon oath ; — a pe-
tition not so.
t It is probable that the poet had an eye to some particulal
460 HUDIBRAS. [Part m.
And truly so, no doubt, he was, 575
A lawyer fit for such a case.
An old dull sot, who told the clock,*
For many years at Bridewell-dock,
At Westminster, and Hicks's-hall,
And hiccius doctiust play'd in all ; 580
Where, in all governments and times,
He 'ad been both friend and foe to crimes,
And us'd two equal ways of gaining,
By hind'ring justice, or maintainin£,t
To many a whore gave privilege, 585
And whipp'd, for want of quarterage ,
Cart-loads of bawds to prison sent,
For b'ing behind a fortnight's rent ;
And many a trusty pimp and crony
To Pudddle-dock, for want of money 590
Engag'd the constables to seize
All those that wou'd not break the peace ;
Nor give him back his own foul words.
Though sometimes commoners, or lords,
And kept 'em prisoners of course, 595
For being sober at ill hours ;
That in the morning he might free
Or bind 'em over for his fee.
Made monsters fine, and puppet-plays,
For leave to practice in their ways ; 600
Farm'd out all cheats, and went a share
With th' headborough and scavenger ;
And made the dirt i' th' streets compound,
For taking up the public ground ;§
person in this character. The old annotator says it was one
Prideaux ; but gives no further account of him. One of that
name was attorney-general to the rump, and commissioner of
the great seal. He died August 19, in the last year of their reign.
Tillotson lived in his family. See Birch's Life of the Archbish-
op, p. 14. He cannot have been here meant. The poet, I im-
agine, alludes to some one of a much lower class. See the char-
acter of a justice in Butler's Genuine Remains, vol. ii. p. 190.
* The puisne judge was formerly called the Tell-clock ; as
supposed to be not much employed with business in the courts
he sat in, but listening how the time went.
t Cant words used by jugglers, corrupted perhaps from hie est
doc "j or.
t Mr. Butler served some years as a clerk to a justice. The
person who employed him was an able magistrate, and respec-
table character: but in that situation he might have had ati op-
portunity of making himself acquainted with the practice of tra-
ding justices.
^ bid not levy the penalty for a ntiisance, but took a compo-
sition in private.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 461
The kennel, and the king's high way. 605
For being unmolested, pay ;
Let out the stocks and whipping-post,
And cage, to tliose that gave him most ;
Impos'd a tax on bakers' ears,*
And for false weights on chandelers ; 610
Made victuallers and vintners fine
For arbitrary ale and wine :t
But was a kind and constant friend
To all that regularly offend :
As residentiary bawds, 615
And brokers that receive stol'n goods ;
That cheat in lawful mysteries.
And pay churcii-duties, and his fees ;
But was implacable and awkward,
To all that interlop'd and hawker'd.t 620
To this brave man the Knight repairs
For counsel in his law-affairs,
And found him mounted in his pew,
With books and money plac'd for shew,
Like nest-eggs to make clients lay, 625
And for his false opinion pay :
To whom the Knight, with comely grace,
Put off his hat to put his case ;
Which he as proudly entertain'd,
As th' other courteously strain'd ; 630
And, to assure him 'twas not that
He look'd for, bid him put on's hat.
Quoth he. There is one Sidrophel
Whom I have cudgell'd— Very well —
And now he brags to have beaten me — 635
Better and better still, quoth he —
And vows to stick me to the wall,
Where'er he meets me — Best of all.
* That is, commuted the pillory for a mulct at his own dis-
cretion. Libaniiis has an entire oration against an arbitrary law
of the magistrates of Antioch, which obliged the country bakers,
when they brought bread into the city for sale, to load back with
rubbish. . , .1. .1,
t For selling ale or wine without license, or by less than the
statutable measure. So Mr. Butler says of his justice, Remains,
vol. ii. p. 191. " He does his (;ountry signal service in the judi-
" cious and mature legitimation of tippling-houses ; that the sub-
"ject be not imposed upon witli illegal and arbitrary ale."
X Travelling dealers, who did not keep any regular shop.
" He is very severe to hawkers and interlopers, who commit
«' iniquity on the bye." See Remains, where the reader may finll
other strokes of character similar to those here mentioned.
462 HUDIBRAS. [Part iu
'Tis true the knave has taken 's oath
That I robb'd him— Well done, in troth. 640
When he 'as confess'd he stole my cloak,
And pick'd my fob, and what he took ;
Which was the cause that made me bang him,
And take my goods again — Marry,* hang him.
Now, whether I should before-hand, 645
Swear he robb'd me ? — I understand,
Or bring my action of conversion
And trover for my goods ?t — Ah, whoreson I
Or, if 'tis better to endite,
And bring him to his trial ? — Right. 650
Prevent what he designs to do,
And swear for th' state against him ?t — True.
Or whether he that is defendant,
In this case, has the better end on 't ;
Who, putting in a new cross-bill, 655
May traverse th' action ? — Better still.
Then there 's a lady too — Aye, marry.
That's easily prov'd accessary ;
A widow, who by solemn vows,
Contracted to me for my spouse, 660
Combin'd with him to break her word.
And has abetted all — Good Lord !
Suborn'd th' aforesaid Sidrophel
To tamper with the dev'l of hell.
Who put m' into a horrid fear, 665
Fear of my life — Make that appear.
Made an assault with fiends and men
Upon my body — Good agen.
And kept me in a deadly fright,
And false imprisonment, all night. 670
Mean while they robb'd me, and my horse,
And stole my saddle — Worse and worse.
And made me mount upon the bare ridge,
T' avoid a wretcheder niscarriage.
Sir, quoth the Lawyer, not to flatter ye, 675
You have as good and fair a battery
♦ Marry, i. e. very m truly, an adverb of asseveration. Ains-
worth thinks it a Ivind of oalli, as if per Mariani — A kind of ex-
pletive without much meaning, though perhaps the pettifogger
inipht wish to be arch on the word marry.
t An action of trover is an action brought for recovery of a
man's goods, when wrongfully detained by another, and con-
verted to his own use.
J Swear that a criine was committed by hira against the
public peace, or peace of the state.
Canto ui.] IIUDIBRAS. 463
As heart can wish, and need not shame
The proudest man alive to claim :
For if th' iiave us'd you as you say,
Marry, quotli I, God give you joy ; 680
I vvou'd it were my case, I'd give
More than I'll say, or you'll believe :
I wou'd so trounce her, and her purse,
I'd make her kneel for better or worse ;
For matrimony, and hanging here, 685
Both go by destiny so clear,*
That you as sure may pick and choose,
As cross I win, and pile you lose :
And if I durst, I wou'd advance
As much in ready maintenance,! 690
As upon any case I've known ;
But we that practice dare not own :
The law severely contrabands
Our taking bus'ness off men's hands ;
'Tis coimiion barratry, that bearst 695
Point-blank an action 'gainst our ears.
And crops them till there is not leather,
To stick a pen in left of either ;§
For which some do the summer-sault,
And o'er the bar, like tumblers, vault :|| 700
But you may swear at any rate,
Things not in nature, for the state ;
For in all courts of justice here
A witness is not said to swear,
* See P. ii. c. i. v. 839. Ames, in his Typographical Antiqui-
ties, first edition, p. 157, mentions a book printed by Robert
Wyer, 1542, entitled, Mistery of Iniqiiiie, where we may read :
Trewly some men there be
That lyve always in great horroure,
And say it goth by destenye
To hang or wed, both hath one houre ;
And whether it be, I am well sure,
Hangynge is better of the twain.
Sooner done, and shorter payne.
t Maintenance is the unlawful upholding of a cause or person,
or it is the buying or obtaining pretended rights to lands.
X Barratry is the conmion and unlawful stirring up of suits or
quarrels, either in court or elsewhere.
^ Most editions read pin, but the author's corrected copy
says pen ; it being the custom of clerks in office, and writers, to
stick their pen behind their ears when they do not employ it in
writing.
II Summer-sault, soubresaut, throwing heels over head, a feat
of activity performed by tumblers. When a lawyer has been
guilty of misconduct, and is not allowed to practise in the courts,
he is said to be thrown over the bar.
464 HUDIBRAS. [Part iii.
But make oath, that is, in plain terms, 705
To forge whatever he affirms.
I thank you, quoth tiie Knight, for that,
Because 'tis to my purpose pat —
For justice, tho' she's painted Wind,
Is to the weaker side inchn'd, 710
Like charity ; else right and wrong
Cou'd never hold it out so long.
And, like blind fortune, with a sleight,
Conveys men's interest and right.
From Stiles's pocket into Nokes's,* 715
As easily as hocus pocus ;t
Plays fast and loose, makes men obnoxious ;
And clear again, like hiccius doctius.
Then whether you would take her life,
Or but recover her for your wife, 720
Or be content with what she has,
And let all other matters pass,
The bus'ness to the law's alone,t
The proof is all it looks upon ;
And you can want no witnesses, 725
To swear to any thing you please.
That hardly get their mere expenses,
By th' labour of their consciences.
Or letting out to hire their ears
To affidavit customers, 730
At inconsiderable values.
To serve for jurymen or tales.§
Altho' retain'd in th' hardest matters
Of trustees and administrators.
For that, quoth he, let me alone ; 735
We 've store of such, and all our own,
Bred up and tutor'd by our teachers,
Th' ablest of all conscience-stretchers.||
That's well, quoth he, but I should guess.
By weighing all advantages, 740
* Fictitious names, sometimes used in stating cases, issuing
writs, &c.
t Words profanely used by jugglers, if derived, as some sup
pose, from hoc est corpus.
t A better reading perhaps is,
The bus'ness to the law's all one.
5 Talesmen are persons of like rank and quality with sue
of the principal panel as do not appear, or are challenged; and
who, happening to be in court, are taken to supply their places
as jurymen.
II Mr. Downing and Stephen Marshal, who absolved from theil
oaths the prisoners released at Brentford.
Canto m.] HUDIBRAS. 465
Your surest way is first to pitch
On Bongey for a water-witch ;*
And when y' have hang'd the conjurer,
Y' have time enough to deal with her.
In th' int'rim spare for no trepans, 745
To draw her neck into the banns ;
Ply her with love-letters and billets,
And bait 'em well for quirks and quillets,t
With trains t' inveigle, and surprise
Her heedless answers and replies ; 750
And if she miss the mouse-trap lines,
They'll serve for other by-designs ;
And make an artist understand.
To copy out her seal, or hand ;
Or find void places in the paper, 755
To steal in something to entrap her ;
Till, with her worldly goods and body,
Spite of her heart she has indow'd ye:
Retain all sorts of witnesses.
That ply i' th' Temple, under trees ; 760
Or walk the round, with knights o' th' posts,+
About the cross-legg'd knights, their hosts ;§
* On Sidrophel, the reputed conjurer. The poet calls him
Bongey, from a learned friar of that name, who lived in Oxford
about the end of the thirteenth century, and was deemed a con-
jurer by the common people. " There was likewise one mother
" Bongey, who, in divers books set out by authority, is registered
" or chronicled by the name of the great witch of Rochester."
(Grey.) For a water-witch ; for one to be tried by the water-
ordeal, or perhaps,
One that toiO fortunes by casting urine ;
or one to whom
With urine, they flock for curing. P. ii. c. iii. v. 123.
t Subtleties. Shakspeare frequently used the word quillet.
In the First Partof Henry VI. Act ii., the earl of Warwick says:
But in these quirks and quillets of the law.
Good faith, I am no wiser than a daw
And Hamlet says, when contemplating the skull of a lawyer:
Where be his quiddities now 7 his quillets'? his cases 1
Quillets, in barbarous Latin, is collecta. [Quibble, quillet, quip,
and quirk, have all puzzled the etymologists, and probably will
continue to do so ; there is something in words beginning with
gu wondrously baffling, as the very instrument of the critic's la-
bors, a quill, possesses scarcely a guess at a derivation.]
t Witnesses who are ready to swear any thing, whether true
or false.
§ These witnesses frequently plied for custom about the Tem-
ple church, where are several monuments of knights templars,
who are there represented cross- legged : [as everywhere else] —
20*
466 HUDIBRAS. [Part ui
Or wait for customers between
Tlie pillar-rows in Lincohi's-Inn ;
Where vouchers, forgers, common-bail, 765
And affidavit-men ne'er fail
T' expose to sale all sorts of oaths,
According to their ears and clothes,*
Their only necessary tools.
Besides the Gospel, and their souls ;t 770
And when ye 're furnish'd with all purveys,
I shall be ready at your service.
I would not give, quoth Hudibras,
A straw to understand a case.
Without the admirable skill 775
To wind and manage it at will ;
To veer, and tack, and steer a cause.
Against the weather-gage of laws ;
And ring the changes upon cases.
As plain as noses upon faces ; 780
As you have well instructed mo,
For which you 've earn'd, here "tis, your fee.
I long to practise your advice
And try the subtle artifice ;
To bait a letter as you bid. 785
As, not long after, thus he did :
For, having pump'd up all his wit,
And humm'd upon it, thus he writ.
their host, because nobody gives them more entertainment than
these knights, and they are almost starved.
* liord Clarendon, in his History of the Rebellion, vol. ii. p.
355, says, an Irishman of low condition and meanly clotlied, be-
ing brought as evidence against Lord Stratfiird, Lieutenant of
Ireland, Mr. Pyin gave him money to buy a satin suit and cloak,
in which eqnipiige he appeared at the trial. The like was prac-
tised in the trial of Lord Stafford for the popish plot. See Carte's
History of the Life ot James Duke of Ormonde, vol. ii. p. 517.
It is, I fear, sometimes practised in trials of less importance.
t When a witness swears he holds the Gospel in his right
hand, and kisses it: the Gospel therefore is called his tool, by
which lie damns his other tool, namely, his soul.
AN HEROICAL EPISTLE
OF
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
I WHO was once as great as Caesar,
Am now reduc'd to Nebuchadnezzar ;*
And from as fam'd a conqueror,
As ever took degree in war,
Or did his exercise in battle, S
By you turn'd out to grass with cattle.
For since I am deny'd access
To all my earthly happiness.
Am fall'n from the paradise
Of your good graces, and fair eyes ; 10
Lost to the world, and you, I'm sent
To everlasting banishment.
Where all the hopes I had t' have won
Your heart, b'ing dash'd, will break my own.
Yet if you were not so severe 15
To pass your doom before you hear,
You'd find, upon my just defence,
How much y' have wrong'd my innocence.
That once I made a vow to you.
Which yet is unperform'd 'tis true ; 20
But not because it is unpaid
'Tis violated, though delay'd.
Or if it were, it is no fault
So heinous, as you'd have it thought ;
To undergo the loss of ears, 25
Like vulgar hackney perjurers ;
• See Dan. iv. 32, 33.
Carmina qui quondam studio florente peregi
Flebilis heu moeslos cogor inire modos.
Boethius de Consol. Philosoph.
468 HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
For there's a difference in the case,
Between the nohlo and the base ;
Who always are observ'd to 've done 't
Upon as diff'rent an account ; 30
The one for great and weighty cause,
To salve in honour ugly flaws ;
For none are like to do it sooner
Than those who are nicest of their honour ;
The other, for base gain and pay, 35
Forswear and perjure by the day,
And make tli' exposing and retailing
Their souls, and consciences, a calling.
It is no scandal nor aspersion,
Upon a great and noble person, 40
To say, he nat'rally abhorr'd
Th' old-fashion'd trick, to keep his word,
Tho' 'tis perfidiousness and shame,
In meaner men to do the same :
For to bo able to forget, 45
Is found more useful to tiie great
Than gout, or deafness, or bad eyes,
To make them pass for wond'rous wise.
But tho' the law, on perjurers.
Inflicts the forfeiture of ears, 50
It is not just, that does exempt
The guilty, and punish the innocent.*
To make the ears repair the wrong
Committed by th' ungovern'd tongue ;
And when one member is forsworn, 55
Another to be cropp'd or torn.
And if you shou'd, as you design,
By course of law, recover mine.
You 're like, if you consider right.
To gain but little honour by 't. 60
For he that for his lady's sake
Lays down his life, or limbs, at stake,
Does not so much deserve her favour.
As he that pawns his soul to have her.
This y' have acknowledged I have done, 85
Altho' you now disdain to own ;
But sentence what you rather ought
T' esteem good service than a fault.t
Besides, oaths are not bound to bear
* A better reading is — th' innocent.
t Sentence, that is, condemn or pass sentence upon.
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
469
That literal sense the words infer,
70
But, by the practice of the age,
Are to be judg'd how far th' engage ;
And where the sense by custom's checkt.
Are found void, and of none effect,
For no man takes or keeps a vow,
75
But just as he sees others do ; ,
Nor are tliey oblig'd to be so brittle,
As not to yield and bow a little :
For as best temper'd blades are found.
Before they break, to bend quite round ;
80
So truest oaths are still most tough.
And, tho' they bow, are breaking proof.
Then wherefore should they not b' allow'd
In love a greater latitude?*
For as the law of arms approves
85
AH ways to conquest, t so shou'd love's ;
And not be ty'd to true or false.
But make that justest that prevails:
For how can that which is above
All empire, high and mighty love,t
90
Submit its great prerogative.
To any other pow'r alive 7
Shall love, that to no crown gives place,
Become the subject of a case ?
The fundamental law of nature.
95
Be over-rul'd by those made after ?
Commit the censure of its cause
To any, but its own great laws 1
Love, that's the world's preservative,
That keeps all souls of things alive ;
100
Controuls the mighty pow'r of fate,
And gives mankind a longer date ;
The life of nature that restores
As fast as time and death devours ;
To whose free gift the world does owe
105
tr no'rilll'i'l Vi/lot QtTlfmtlllYI
* ■ ^ ptriJUriJ. riUcL (tllJa-IlLUlll
Jupiter, et ventos irrita ferre jubet.
Tib. iii. El.
VII. 17.
5o Callimachus, Epig. 26.
t Dolus an virtus, quis, in hoste, requirit t
X 'Epois &i Twv dedv
"Icrx"" cxi^v T!\d^riv, iirl rovrov SciKwrai'
Aid ToxiTOV iTTiopKovai touj aWovs 9«ouy.
Menand. Frag;
ti
470 HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
Not only earth, but heaven too :*
For love's the only trade that's driven,
The interest of state in heav'n,t
Which nothing but the soul of man
Is capable to entertain. 110
For what can earth produce, but love,
To represent the joys above ?
Or who but lovers can converse.
Like angels by tlie eye-discourse ?
Address, and compliment by vision, 115
Make love, and court by intuition ?
And burn in am'rous llames as fierce,
As those celestial ministers i
Then how can any thing offend.
In order to so great an end ? 120
Or heav'n itself a sin resent.
That for its own supply was meant ?
Tliat merits, in a kind mistake,
A pardon for th' offence's sake ?
Or if it did not, but the cause 125
Were left to th' injury of laws,
What tyranny can disapprove.
There should be equity in love ?
For laws, that are inanimate,
And feel no sense of love or hate,t 130
That have no passion of their own.
Nor pity to be wrought upon,
Are only proper to inflict
Revenge on criminals as strict.
But to have power to forgive, 135
Is empire and prerogative ;
And 'tis in crowns a nobler gem
To grant a pardon, than condemn.
* Qua; mare navigeruin, quse terras frugiferentes
Coiicelehras ; per to quoniain genus omne animantum
Concipitur, visitque exortum lumina solis.
Lucret. i. 3.
Que quoniam renim naturam sola gubernas,
Nee sine te quicquam djas in luminis eras
Exoritur, neque fit la;tuin, neque amabile quicquam.
Idem, i. 22.
t Waller says :
All that we know of those above,
Is, that they live and that they love
Our Saviour says, " Suffer the little children to come unto me,
for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
t Aristotle defined law to be, reason without passion ; and
despotism or arbitrary power to be, passion without reason.
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY. 471
Then, since so few do what they ought,
'Tis great t' indulge a well-meant fault ; 140
For why should he who made address,
All humble ways, without success ;
And met with nothing in return
But insolence, affronts, and scorn,
Not strive by wit to counter-mine, 145
And bravely carry his design ?
He who was us'd so unlike a soldier,
Blown up with philters of love-powder ;
And after letting blood, and purging,
Condemn'd to voluntary scourging; 150
Alarm'd with many a horrid fright.
And claw'd by goblins in the night ;
Insulted on, revil'd and jeer'd.
With rude invasion of his beard ;
And when your sex was foully scandal'd, 155
As foully by the rabble handled;
Aftack'd by despicable foes,
And drubb'd with mean and vulgar blows;
And, after all, to be debarr'd
S6 much as standing on his guard ; 160
When horses being spurr'd and prick'd
Have leave to kick for being kick'd ?
Or why should you, whose mother-wits*
Are furnish'd with all perquisites;
That with your breeding teeth begin, 165
And nursing babies that lie in ;
B' allow'd to put all tricks upon
Our cully sex, and we use none ?
We, who have nothing but frail vows
Against your stratagems t' oppose ; 170
Or oaths, more feeble than your own,
By which we are no less put down?t
You wound, like Parthians, while you fly,
And kill with a retreating eye ;]:
Retire the more, the more we press, 175
* Why should you, who were sharp and witty from your in-
fancy, wlio bred wit with your teeth, &c.
t That is, by which oaths of yours we are no less subdued
than by. your stratagems.
t Fidentemque faga Parthum versisque sagittis.
Virg. Georg. iii. 31.
The Parthians had the art of shooting their arrows behind
them, and making their flight more destructive to the enemy
than their attack. Seneca says :
Terga conversi uietuenda Parthi.
472 HUDIBllAS TO HIS LADY.
To draw us into ambushes :
As pirates all false colours wear,
T' intrap th' unwary mariner ;
So women, to surprise us, spread
The borrow'd flags of white and red ; 180
Display 'em thicker on their cheeks,
Than their old grand-mothers, the Picts ;
And raise more devils with their looks,
Than conjurers' less subtle books :
Lay trains of amorous intrigues, 185
In tow'rs, and curls, and periwigs,*
With greater art and cunning rear'd,
Than Pliilip Nye's thanksgiving beard ;t
Prepost'rously t' entice and gain
Those to adore 'em they disdain ; 190
And only draw 'em in to clog,
With idle names, a catalogue.t
A lover is, the more he's brave,
T' his mistress but the more a slave ;§
* tanta est qiiajrendi cura decoris
Tot preinit ordinibus, tot adhiic compagibus altum
^dificat caput. Andromachcn a frotite videbis
Post minor est. Juvenal, vi. 500
(f we may judge by figures on the imperial coins, even the
most e.xpert of modern hair-dressers are far inferior in their busi-
ness to the ancients.
t Nye first entered at Brazen-nose college, Oxford, and after-
wards removed lo Magdalen-hall. He took his degrees, and then
went to Holland. In 1640 he returned home a furious Presby-
terian ; and was sent to Scotland to forward the covenant. He
then became a strenuous preacher on the side of the Independ-
ents : was put into Dr. Featly's living at Acton, and went there
every Sunday in a coach with four horses. He opposed Lilly
the astrologer with great violence, and for this service was re-
warded with the office of holding forth upon thanksgiving days.
Wherefore
He thought upon it, and resolv'd to put
His beard into as wonderful a cut.
Butler's MS.
This preacher's beard is honored with an entire poem in But-
ler's Genuine Remains, published by Thyer, vol.i. p. 177. When
the head of a celebrated cotirt chaplain and preacher had been
dressed in a superior style, the friseur e.\claimed, with a mi.xture
of admiration and self-applause, " I'll be hanged if any person
of taste can attend to one word of the sermon to-day."
+ To increase the list of their discarded suitors.
^ The poet may here possibly allude to some well-known
characters of his time. " The Lady Dysert cair.e to have so
'■ much power over the Lord Lauderdale, that it lessened him
" very much in the esteem of all the world; for he delivered
"himself up to all her humors and passions." Burnet's History,
vol. i. p. 244. Anne Clarges, at first the mistress, and afterwards
the wife of General Monk, duke of Albemarle, gained the most
HUDIBRAS TO HIS L.\DY. 473
And whatsoever she commaucSs, 195
Becomes a favour from her hands,
Which he's oblig'd t' obey, and must,
Whether it be unjust or just.
Then when he is compell'd by her
T' adventures he wou'd else forbear, 200
Who, with his honour, can withstand,
Since force is greater than command ?
And when necessity's obey'd,
Nothing can be unjust or bad :*
And therefore, when the mighty pow'rs 205
Of love, our great ally, and yours,
Join'd forces not to be withstood
By frail enamour'd flesh and blood.
All I have done, unjust or ill,
Was in obedience to your will, 210
And all the blame that caia be due
Falls to your cruelty, and you.
Nor are those scandals I confest.
Against my will and interest.
More than is daily done, of course, 215
By all men, when they 're under force :
Whence some, upon the rack, confess
What th' hangman and their prompters please ;
But are no sooner out of pain.
Than they deny it all agaiu. 220
But when the devil turns confessor,t
Truth is a crime, he takes no pleasure
To hear or pardon, like the founder
Of liars, whom they all claim under :t
And therefore when I told him none, 225
nndue influence over that intrepid commander. Though never
afraid of bullets, he was often terrified by the fury of his wife.
* Necessitas non habet legem, is a known proverb.
^tivrji avdyKtis oviev (trxijEt ■kXiov : Euripidis Helena.
Pareatiir necessitati, qiiam ne dii quidem superant. — Livy.
t Suppose we read :
when a devil turns confessor.
% See St. John, ch. viii. v. 44. Butler in his MS. Common-
place book, says :
As lyars, with long use of telling lyes,
Forget at length if they are true or false,
So those that plod on any thing too long
Know nothing whether th' are in the right or wrong,
For what are all your demonstrations else,
But to the higher powers of sense appeals ;
Senses that th' undervalue and contemn
As if it lay below their wits and them
474 HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
I think it was the wiser done.
Nor am I without precedent,
The first that on th' adventure went ;
All mankind ever did of course,
And daily does the same, or worse. 330
For what romance can shew a lover,
That had a lady to recover.
And did not steer a nearer course,
To fall aboard in his amours?
And what at first was held a crime, 235
Has turn'd to hon'rable in time.
To what a height did infant Rome,
By ravishing of women, come?*
When men upon their spouses seiz'd.
And freely marry'd where they pleas'd, 240
They ne'er forswore themselves, nor ly'd,
Nor, in the mind they were in, dy'd ;
Nor took the pains t' address and sue.
Nor play'd the masquerade to woo :
Disdain'd to stay for friends' consents, 245
Nor juggled about settlements ;
Did need no licence, nor no priest,
Nor friends, nor kindred, to assist ;
Nor lawyers, to join land and money
In the holy state of matrimony, 250
Before they settled hands and hearts.
Till alimony or death departs ;t
Nor wou'd endupe to stay, until
Th' had got the very bride's good-will,
But took a wise and shorter course 255
To win the ladies — downright force ;
And justly made 'em prisoners then,
As they have, often since, us men.
With acting plays, and dancing jigs,t
* Florus says that Romulus, wanting inhabitants for his new
city, erected an asylum or sanctuary for robl)ers in a nei<,'hbor-
iug grove, and presently he had people in abundance. But this
was a people only for an age, a colony only of males, therefore
they had still to supply themselves with wives, and not obtain-
ing them from their neighbors on a civil application, they took
them by force.
t Thus printed in some editions of the Prayer Book, after-
wards altered, "'till death us do part," as mentioned in a for-
mer note. Suppose we here read, according to some editions,
'Till alimony, or death them parts.
t Simulatis quippe ludis equestribus, virgines, qu!B ad specta-
culum venerant, prsda fuere. Pretending to exhibit some fine
shows and diversions, they drew together a concourse of young
women, and seized them for their wives.
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY. 475
The luckiest of all love's intrigues ; 260
And when they had them at their pleasure,
They talk'd of love and flames at leisure ;
For after matrimony's over,
He that holds out but half a lover,
Deserves, for ev'ry minute, more 2f 5
Thau half a year of love before ;
For which the dames, in contemplation
Of that best way of application,
Prov'd nobler wives than e'er were known,
By suit, or treaty, to be won ;* 270
And such as all posterity
Cou'd never equal, nor come nigh.
For women first were made for men,
Not men for them. — It follows, then,
That men have right to every one, 275
And they no freedom of their own ;
And therefore men have pow'r to chuse.
But they no charter to refuse.
Hence 'tis apparent that what course
Soe'er we take to your amours, 280
Tliough by the indirectest way,
'Tis not injustice nor foul play ;
And that you ought to take that couree.
As we take you, for better or worse,
And gratefully submit to those 285
Who you, before another, chose.
For why shou'd ev'ry savage beast
Exceed his great lord's interest ?t
Have freer pow'r than he, in grace.
And nature, o'er the creature has? 290
Because the laws he since has made
Have cut off all the pow'r he had ;
Retrencii'd the aljsoiute dominion
That nature gave him over women ;
When all his pow'r will not extend 295
One law of nature to suspend ;
* When the Sabines came with a large army to demand theii
dauEhters, and the two nations were preparing to decide the
matter by fight, sa;vientibus intervenere raptae, laceris comis^
the women who had been carried away ran between the armies
with expressions of grief, and effected a reconciliation,
t That is, man, sometimes called lord of the world :
Man of all creatures the most fierce and wild
That ever God made or the devil spoil'd :
The most courageous of men, by want.
As well as honor, are made valiant. Butler's MS.
476 HITDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.
And but to offer to repeal
The smallest clause, is to repel.
This, if men rightly understood
Their privilege, they would make good, 300
And not, like sots, permit their wives
T' encroach on their prerogatives,
For which sin they deserve to be
Kept, as they ar;, in slavery:
And this some precious gifted teachers,* 305
Unrev'rently reputed leachers,
And disobey'd in making love,
Have vow"d to all the world to prove,
And make ye suffer as you ought,
For that uncharitable fault: 319
But I forget myself, and rove
Beyond th' instructions of my love.
Forgive me. Fair, and only blame
Th' extravagancy of my flame,
Since 'tis too much, at once to show 315
Excess of love and temper too ;
All I have said that's bad and true,
Was never meant to aim at you,
Who have so sov' reign a controul
O'er that poor slave of yours, my soul, 320
That, rather than to forfeit you.
Has ventur'd loss of heav'n too ;
Both with an equal pow'r possest.
To render all that serve you blest ;
But none hke him, who's destin'd either 325
To have or lose you both together ;
And if you'll but this fault release.
For so it must be, since you please,
I'll pay down all that vow, and more,
Whicli you commanded, and I swore, 330
And expiate, upon my skin,
Th' arrears in full of all my sin :
For 'tis but just that I should pay
Th' accruing penance for delay.
Which shall be done, until it move 335
Your equal pity and your love.
The Knight, perusing this Epistle,
Believ'd he 'ad brought her to his whistle ;
And read it, like a jocund lover.
With great applause, t' himself, twice over ; 340
* Mr. Case, as some have supposed, but, according to others
Dr. Burgess, or Hugh Peters.
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY. 477
Subscrib'd his name, but at a fit
And humble distance, to his wit :
And dated it with wondrous art,
Giv'n from tiie bottom of his heart ;
Then seal'd it with his coat of love, 345
A smoking faggot — and above
Upon a scroll — I burn, and weep —
And near it — For her ladyship.
Of all her sex most excellent.
These to her gentle hands present.* 350
Then gave it to his faithful squire.
With lessons how t' observe, and eye her.
She first consider'd which was better,
To send it back, or burn the letter :
But guessing that it might import, 355
Tho' nothing else, at least her sport,
She opcn'd it, and read it out.
With many a smile and leering flout :
Resolv'd to answer it in kind,
And thus perform'd what she design'd. 360
* It was fashionable before Mr. Butler's time to be proli.t in
the superscription of letters. Common forms were, — To my
much honored friend — To the most excellent lady — To my lov-
ing cr>\isin — These present with care and speed, &.c
THE
LADY'S ANSWER
TO THE
KNIGHT.
That you 're a beast and tnrn'd to grass,
Is no strange news, nor ever was ;
At least to me, who once, yon know,
Did from the pound replevin you,*
When both your sword and spurs were won 5
In combat, by an Amazon ;
That sword tliat did, Hke fate, determine
Th' inevitable death of vermin,
And never dealt its furious blows,
But cut the throats of pigs and cows, }0
By Trulla was, in single fight,
Disarm'd and wrested from its Knight,
Your heels degraded of your spurs.
And in the stocks close prisoners :
Where still they 'd Iain, in base restraint, 15
If I, in pity of your complaint,
Had not, on hon'rable conditions,
Releast 'em from the worse of prisons ;
And what return that favour met.
You cannot, tho' you wou'd, forget ; 20
When being free, you strove t' evade.
The oaths you had in prison made ;
Forswore yourself, and first deny'd it.
But after own'd, and justify'd it :
And when y' had falsely broke one vow, 25
Absolv'd yourself, by breaking two.
For while you sneakingly submit,
And beg for pardon at our feet ;t
* A replevin is a re-deliverance of the thing distrained, to re-
main with the tirst possessor on security.
t The widow, to iteep up her dignity, and importance, speaks
of herself in the plnral number.
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 479
Discourag'd by your guilty fears,
To hope for quarter, for your ears ; 30
And doubting 'twas in vain to sue.
You claim us boldly as your due,
Declare that treachery and force,
To deal with us, is th' only course :
We have no title nor pretence 35
To body, soul, or conscience,
But ought to fall to that man's share
That claims us for his proper ware :
These are the motives which, t' induce.
Or fright us into love, you uss ; 40
A pretty new way of gallanting,
Between soliciting and ranting ;
Like sturdy beggars, that intreat
For charity at once, and threat.
But since you undertake to prove 45
Your own propriety in love,
As if we were but lawful prize
Li war, between two enemies.
Or forfeitures which ev'ry lover.
That would but sue for, might recover, 50
It is not hard to understand
The myst'ry of this bold demand,
That cannot at our persons aim.
But something capable of claim.*
'Tis not those paltry counterfeit, 55
French stones, which in our eyes you set.
But our right diamonds, that inspire
And set your am'rous hearts on fire ;
Nor can those false St. Martin's beadst
Which on our lips you lay for reds, 60
And make us wear like Indian dames,t
Add fuel to your scorching flames,
But those two rubies of the rock
Which in our cabinets we lock.
'Tis not those orient pearls, our teeth, § 65
* Their property.
t That is, artificial jewels. How they came to be called Saint
Martin's beads I know not; unless from St. Maitino near mount
Vesuvius, where the ejected lava is collected and applied to this
purpose. Jlr. Montague Bacon says, that at Rochelle, not far
from St. Martin's, there is a sort of red stones called St. Martin's
beads.
t Female savages in many parts of the globe wear ornaments
of fish bone, or glass when they can get it, on their lips and
noses.
$ In the History of Don Fenise, a romance translated from the
480 THE LADY'S ANSWER.
Tliat you are so transported with,
But those we wear about our necks,
Produce those amorous effects.
Nor is 't those threads of gold, our hair,
The periwigs you make us wear ; 70
But those bright guineas in our chests,
That hght the wildfire in your breasts.
These love-tricks I've been vers'd in so,
That all their sly intrigues I know.
And can unriddle, by their tones, 75
Their mystic cabals, and jargones ;
Can tell what passions, by their sounds.
Pine for the beauties of my grounds ;
What raptures fond and amorous,
O' th' charms and graces of my house ; 80
What extasy and scorching flame.
Burns for my money in my name ;
What from th' unnatural desire.
To beasts and cattle, takes its fire ;
What tender sigh, and trickling tear, 85
Longs for a thousand pounds a year ;
And languishing transports are fond
Of statute, mortgage, bill, and bond.*
These are th' attracts which most men fall
Enamour'd, at first sight, withal : 90
To these th' address with serenades.
And court with balls and masquerades ;
And yet, for all the yearning pain
Ye've sufter'd for their loves in vain,
I fear they'll prove so nice and coy, 95
To have, and t' hold, and to enjoy ;
Spanish of Francisco de las Coveras, and printed 1656, mentioned
by Dr. Grey, p. 269, is the following passage: "My covetous-
"ness exceeding my love, counselled me that it was better to
" have gold money than in threads of hair ; and to possess pearls
"that resemble teeth, than teeth that were lilie pearls."
In praising Chloris, moons, and stars, and skies,
Are quickly made to match her face and eyes ;
And gold and rubies, with as little care,
To fit the colour of her lips and hair:
And mixing suns, and flow'rs, and pearl, and stones,
Make them serve all complections at once :
With these fine fancies at hap-hazard writ,
I could make verses without art or wit.
Butler's Remains, v. i. p. 88.
* Statute is a short writing called Statute Marchant.or Statute
Staple, in the nature of a bond, &c., made according to the
form expressly provided in certain statutes, 5th Hen. iv. c. ISj
and others.
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 481
That all your oaths and labour lost,
They'll ne'er turn ladies of the post*
This is not meant to disapprove
Your judgment, in your ciioice of love, 100
Wliich is so wise, the greatest part
Of mankind study 't as an art ;
For love shou'd, like a deodand.
Still fall to th' owner of the land -jf
And where there's substance for its ground, 105
Cannot but be more firm and sound, t
Than that which has the slighter basis
Of airy virtue, wit, and graces ;
Which is of such thin subtlety.
It steals and creeps in at the eye, 110
And, as it can't endure to stay.
Steals out again, as nice a way.§
But love, that its extraction owns
From solid gold and precious stones.
Must, like its shining parents, prove 115
As solid, and as glorious love.
Hence 'tis you have no way t' express
Our charms and graces but by these ;
For what are lips, and eyes, and teeth, ||
Which beauty invades and conquers with, 120
But rubies, pearls, and diamonds.
With which, a philter love commands ?ir
This is tiie way all parents prove.
In managing their children's love ;
* That is, will never swear for you, or vow to take you for a
husband.
t Any moving thing which occasions the death of a man is
forfeited to the lord of the manor. It was originally intended
that he should dispose of it in acts c^ charity ; hence the name
deodand. Or it is a thing given, or rather forfeited to God, for the
pacification of his wrath, in case of misadventure, whereby any
Christian man cometh to a violent end, without the fault of any
reasonable creature. Lewis XIV. and others born of mothers
that had long been barren, were called Adeodati.
X Optima sed quare Cesennia teste marito t
Bis quingenta dedit, tanti vocat ille pudicam ;
Nee Veneris pharelris macer est; aut lampade fervet:
Inde faces ardent, veniunt a dote sagittEB.
Juvenal, vi. 135.
^ Farquhar has this thought in his dialogue between Archer
and Cherry. See the Beau.\ Stratagem.
II Tivi ieSoiXtoTat noTS ;
"Oipci ; (p\vapia. Menand. Fragm.
IT Suppose we read, as in some editions,
Willi which as philters love commands.
21
482 THE LADY'S ANSWElt.
That force 'em t' intermarry and wed, 125
As if th' were burying of the dead ;
Cast earth to earth, as in the grave,
To join in wedlock all they have,
And, when the settlement 's in force.
Take all the rest for better or worse ; 130
For money has a pow'r above
The stars, and fate, to manage love,*
Whose arrows, learned poets hold,
That never miss, are tipp'd with gold.t
And tlio' some say, the parents' claims 135
To make love in their children's names,t
Who, many times, at once provide
The nurse, the husband, and the bride,
Feel darts and charms, attracts and flames.
And woo, and contract, in their names, 140
And as they christen, use to marry 'em ;
And, like their gossips, answer for 'em ;
Is not to give in matrimony.
But sell and prostitute for money.
'Tis better than their own betrothing, 145
Who often do 't for worse than nothing ;
And when they 're at their own dispose,
With greater disadvantage choose.
All this is right ; but, for the course
You take to do 't, by fraud or force, 150
'Tis so ridiculous, as soon
As told, 'tis never to be done,§
* Et genus et forniam regina Pecunia donat,
Ac bene nunimatum decorat Snadela Venusque.
Hor. Epist. lib. i. vi. 37.
'Eya> 5' viriKa^ov xpvl/^ovi t.vat Ocov;
T' apyvpiov fifilv Kal to %pi;(Tioi' jx6vov.
Menand. Frag.
t In Ovid's Metamori)hoses, i. 468, Cupid employs two ar-
rows, one of gold, and the other of lead : the former causing
love, the latter avt rsion.
Eque sagittifera prornpsit duo tela pharetra
Diversorum operum : fugat hoc, facit illud aniorem.
Quod facit auratuin est, et ciispide fulget acuta:
Quod fugat obtusum est, et habet sub arundine plumbum.
t Though it is thus printed in all the copies I have seen, yet
claim and name should seem a better reading, to avoid false con-
cord •. for claim is the nominative case to Is in verse 143.
$ riee P. i. c. ii. 1. 676 :
Shall dictum factum both be brought
To condign punishment.
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 483
No more than setters can betray,*
That tell what tricks they are to play.
Marriage, at best, is but a vow, 155
Which all men either break or bow ;
Then what will those forbear to do,
Who perjure when they do but woo ?
Such as beforehand swear and lie,
For earnest to their treachery, 160
And rather than a crime confess.
With greater strive to make it less:
Like thieves, who, after sentence past,
Maintain their inn'cence to the last ;
And when their crimes were made appear, 165
As plain as witnesses can swear.
Yet when the wretches come to die.
Will take upon their death a lie.
Nor are the virtues you confess'd
T' your ghostly father, as you guess'd, 170
So slight as to be justify'd.
By being as shamefully deny'd ;
As if you thought your word would pass,
Point-blank on both sides of a case ;
Or credit were not to be lost 175
B' a brave knight-errant of the post.
That eats perfidiously his word,
And swears his ears thro' a two-inch board :t
Can own the same thing, and disown.
And perjure booty pro and con ; 180
Can make the Gospel serve his turn,
And help him out to be forsworn ;
When 'tis laid hands upon, and kist.
To be betray'd and sold, like Christ.
These are the virtues in whose name 185
A right to all the world you claim.
And boldly challenge a dominion.
In grace and nature, o'er all women ;
Of whom no less will satisfy,
Than all the sex, your tyranny : 190
* Setter, a term frequent in the comedies of tlie last century :
sometimes it seems to be a pimp, sometimes a spy, but most
usually an attendant on a clieating gamester, who introduces
unpractised youtlis to be pillaged by him ; wiiat a setting dog is
to a sportsman.
t That is, endeavors to shield himself from the punishment
due to perjury, the loss of his ears, by a desperate perseverance
in false swearing. A person is said to swear through a two-
inch board, when he makes oath of any thing which was con
ceaied from him by a thicli door or partition.
484 THE LADY'S ANSWER,
Altho' you'll find it a hard province,
With all your crafty frauds and covins,*
To govern such a nuin'rous crew,
Who, one by one, now govern you ;
For if you all were Solomons, 195
And wise and great as he was once.
You'll find tliey're able to subdue.
As they did him, and bafHe you.
And if you are impos'd upon,
'Tis by your own temptation done : 200
That with your ignorance invite,
And teach us how to use the slight.
For when we find y're still more taken
With false attracts of our own making,
Swear that's a rose, and that's a stone, 205
Like sots, to us that laid it on.
And what we did but slightly prime.
Most ignorantly daub in rhyme ;
You force us, in our own defences,
To copy beams and influences ; 210
I'o lay perfections on the graces,
And draw attracts upon our faces ;
And, in compliance to your wit,
Your own false jewels counterfeit :
For, by the practice of those arts, 215
We gain a greater share of hearts ;
And those deserve in reason most.
That greatest pains and study cost ;
For great perfections are, like heav'n,
Too rich a present to be giv'n : 220
Nor are those master-strokes of beauty
To be perform'd without hard duty.
Which, when they're nobly done, and well,
The simple natural excel.
How fair and sweet the planted rose,t 225
* Covin is a term of law, signifying a deceitful compact be-
tween two or more, to deceive or prejudice others.
t This and the following lines are beautiful. Mr. Bacon sup-
poses that the poet alludes to Milton, when he says:
Though paradise were e'er so fair,
It was not kept so without care.
The moral sense of the passage may be found in Horace, lib.
iv. O. 4 :
Doctrina sed vim promovet insitam
Rectique cultus pec ora roborant.
And the sweetness of the verse in Catull. Carni. Nuptial.
39, &c. :
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 455
Beyond tlie wild in iiedges grows I
For, without art, the noblest seeds
Of flowers degenerate into weeds :
How dull and rugged, ere 'tis ground,
And polish'd, looks a diamond ? 230
Though piiradise were e'er so fair,
It was not kept so without care.
The whole world, without art and dress,
Would be but one great wilderness ;
And mankind but a savage herd, 235
For all that nature has conferr'd :
This does but rough-hew and design.
Lea res art to polish and refine.
Thougli women first were made for men.
Yet men were made for them agen : 240
For when, out-witted by his wife,
Man first turn'd tenant but for life,*
If woman had not interven'd.
How soon had mankind had an end !
And that it is in being yet, 245
To us alone you are in debt.
Then where's your liberty of choice,
And our unnatural no-voice ?
Since all the privilege you boast,
And falsely usurp'd, or vainly lost, 250
Is now our right, to whose creation
You owe your happy restoration.
And if we had not weiglity cause
To not appear in making laws.
We cou'd, in spite of all your tricks, 255
And shallow formal politics,
Force you our managements t' obey.
As we to yours, in shew, give way.
Hence 'tis, that while you vainly strive
T' advance your high prerogative, 260
You basely, after all your braves.
Submit and own yourselves our slaves ;
And 'cause we do not make it known,
Nor publicly our int'rests own.
Like sots, suppose we have no sliares 265
In ord'ring you, and your affairs,
Ut flos in septis nascitur hortis,
Ignolus pecori, nullo contusus aratro.
Quern mulcent aurte, firniat sol, educat imber.
* i. e. When man became subject to death by eating the fot-
bidden fruit at the persuasion of the woman.
486 THE LADY'S ANSWER.
When all your empire, and command,
You have from us, at second hand ;
As if a pilot, that appears
To sit still only, while he steers, 270
And does not make a noise and stir,
Like ev'ry common mariner.
Knew nothing of the chart, nor star,
And did not guide the man of war ;
Nor we, because we don't appear 275
In councils, do not govern there :
While, like the mighty Prester John,
Whose person none dares look upon,*
But is preserv'd in close disguise,
From b'ing made cheap to vulgar eyes, 280
W' enjoy as large a pow'r unseen.
To govern him, as he does men :
And, in the right of our Pope Joan,
Make emp'rors at our feet fall down ;
Or Joan de Pueelle's braver name, 285
Our right to arms and conduct claim ;
Who, tho' a spinster, yet was able
To ser\-e France for a grand constable.
We make and execute all laws,
Can judge the judges, and the cause : 290
Prescribe all rules of right or wrong,
To th' long robe, and the longer tongue,
'Gainst which the world has no defence,
But our more pow'rful eloquence.
We manage things of greatest weight 295
In all the world's affairs of state ;
Are ministers of war and peace.
That sway all nations how we please.
We rule all churches, and their flocks.
Heretical and orthodox, 300
* The name or title of Prester .Tohn, has been given by travel-
lers to the king ot' Tenchic in Asia, who, like the Abyssine, or
Ethiopian emperors, preserved great state, and did not con-
descend to be seen by his siilijects above twice or three times a
year. Mandeville, who pretends to have travelled over Prester
John's country, and is very prolix on the subject, makes him
sovereign of an archipelago of isles in India be\ond Bactria, and
says that, " A former emperor travelled into Egypt, where being
"present at divine service, he asked who those persons were
"that stood before the bishop? And being told they should be
" priests, he said, he would no more be called king, nor emperor,
" but priest; and would have the name of him that came lirst
"out of the priests, and was called John, and so have all the
"emperors since been called Prester John." — Cap. 99.
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 487
And are tlie heavenly vehicles
O' th' spirits in all conventicles:*
By us is all commerce and trade
In'iprov'd, and manag'd, and decay'd :
For nothing can go otFso well, 305
Nor bears that price, as what we sell.
We rule in ev'ry public meeting.
And make men do what we judge fitting -,1
Are magistrates in all great towns,
Where men do nothing but wear gowns. 31ft
We make the man of war strike sail,
And to our braver conduct veil.
And, when he 'as chas'd his enemies,
Submit to us upon his knees.
Is there an officer of state, 315
Untimely raised, or magistrate.
That's haughty and imperious ?
He's but a journeyman to us.
That, as he gives us cause to do't.
Can keep him in, or turn him out. 320
We are your guardians, that increase.
Or waste your fortunes how we please ;
And, as you humour us, can deal
In all your matters, ill or well.
'Tis we that can dispose alone, 325
Whether your heirs shall be your own ;
To whose integrity you must,
In spite of all your caution, trust ;
And, less you fly beyond the seas.
Can fit you with what heirs we please ; 330
And force you t' own them, tho' begotten
By French valets, or Irish footmen.
Nor can tlie rigorousest course
Prevail, unless to make us worse ;
Who still, the harsher we are us'd, 335
Are further ofi" from b'ing reduc'd ;
And scorn t' abate, for any ills.
The least punctilio of our wills.
Force does but whet our wits t' apply
Arts, born with us, for remedy, 340
Wliich all your politics, as yet,
* As good veliicles at least as the cloak-bag, which was said
to have conveyt'il the same frtiiii Rome to the council of Trent.
t A great part of what is iiere said on the political influence
of women, was aimed at tho court of Charles 11., or perhaps at
the wife of General Monk.
488 THE LADY'S ANSWER.
Have ne'er been able to defeat :
For, when ye 've try'd all sorts of ways,
What fools do we make of you in plays?
While all the favours wo afford, 345
Are but to girt you with the sword,
To fight our battles in our steads,
And have your brains beat out o' your heads :
Encounter, in despite of nature,
And fight, at once, with fire and water, 350
With pirates, rocks, and storms, and seas,
Our pride and vanity t' appease ;
Kill one another, and cut throats.
For our good graces, and best thoughts ;
To do your exercise for honour, v355
And have your brains beat out the sooner;
Oi crack'd, as learnedly, upon
Things that are never to be known :
And still appear the more industrious,
The more your projects are prepost'rous, 360
To square the circle of the arts.
And run stark mad to shew your parts ;
Expound the oracle of laws.
And turn them which way we see cause ;
Be our solicitors, and agents, 305
And stand for us in all engagements.
And these are all the mighty pow'rs
You vainly boast to cry down ours ;
And what in real value's wanting.
Supply with vapouring and ranting: 370
Because yourselves are terrify'd,
And stoop to one another's pride :
Believe we have as little wit
To be out-hector'd, and submit :
By your example, lose that right 375
In treaties, which we gain'd in fight :*
And terrify'd into an awe.
Pass on ourselves a salique law ;t
* EnglarK], in every period of her history, has been thought
more successlul in w:ir than in negotiation. Congreve, reflecting
upon queen Aiine's last ministry, in his Epistle to Lord Cobham,
says :
Be far that guilt, he never known that shame,
That Britain should retract her rightful claim.
Or stain with pen the triumphs of her sword !
1 The sali(iue law detiars the succession of females to some
inheritances. Thus knights' fees, or lands holden of the crown
by kniiihts' service, are in some parts, as the learned Selden ob-
THE LADY'S ANSWER. 4S9
Or, as some nations use, give place,
And truckle to your mighty race : 380
Let men usurp th' unjust dominion.
As if they were the better women.*
serves, terra; salica;: males only are allowed to inherit such
lands, because the females cannot perform the servites for
which they are granted. See Selden's notes on the seventeenth
song of Drayton's Polyolbion. The French have extended this
law to the inheritance of the crown itself. See ShakspLiire,
Henry V., Act i. scene ii.
* The Lady concludes with great spirit: but it may lie Ihat
the influence of tlie sex has not been iiuich overrated by her.
Aristophanes hath two entire plays to denumsirale, ironically,
the superiority of the female sex. See v. 538 of the Lysistr.itii'.
\n Butler's Common-jilace Book, are the following lines uinler
the article JVattire and Art:
The most divine of all the works of nature
Was not to make the model, but the matter:
A man may build without design and rules,
But not without materials and tools:
This lady, like a fish's row, had room
For such a shoal of infants in her womb :
The truest glasses naturally misplace
The lineaments and features of her face,
The right and left still counterchange,
.^nd in the rooms of one another range ;
Nature denies brute animals expression,
Because they arc incapable of reason.
Precious stones not only do foretell
The dire eftects of poison, but repel
When no one person's able t' understand
The vast stupendous uses of the hand ;
The only engine helps the wit of man,
To bring the world in compass of a span :
From raising mighty fabrics on the seas,
To fding chains to fit the necks of fleas,
The left hand is but deputy to the right.
That for a journeyman is wont t' employ 't
2i»
INDEX TO THE NOTES.
rAQE.
Ace /ilence 225
Achilles 131
Achitnphel 388
Acteon 101
Administrings 353
Adriatic 244
Affidavit hand 327
malvers 381
Aganda 92
Agitators 380
Agiippa, Sir 61,273
Ajax 93, 100
Alliertus 194
Magnus 95
Alcoran 415
Alessandro Tassoni (Life) 21
Alexander Hales 42
the Great 150
Alimony 351
Allegorical explanation of
Hudihras (Life) 26
Alligators 413
Almanac 262
Amazons 339
A nagram 338
Anaxagoras 283
Anchorite 343
Animalia 169
Animals bandy'd balls 82
Anthroposophus 61
Antipathies, perverse 45
Antwerp 257
Apocryphal 396
Apollo 89
Apollonius 280
ofTyana 62
Apostles 245
Aquinas, Thomas 42
Aratus 270
Arbitrary ale and wine .•• 461
Arsie versie 153
Arthur 50
Aruspicy and Aug'ry 252
Ascendant 267
Atoms justling 300
PAGE.
Atone 400
Augustus ■ • • 282
Austrian Archduke 132
Averrhois 281
Babel, laborers of •■
Babylon, whore of •
Bacon, Roger
Bacrack
Bail
Bardashing
Barnacles ■
Barratry
Bases
white
162,
Bassa
Bawd and Brandy
Beards 47, )83, 31.5,
Bears whelped without
form
Beavers
Beer glasses
Behtnen, Jacob
Berenice
Bet
Biancafiore
Bilks
Birds, speech of
Blackcaps
Black-pudding
Board
Bobbing
Bombastus
Boniface
Bonner, Bishop
Booker 258,
Booth, Sir George (Life) .•
Bos, alib6 du (Life)
Bouah, golden
Boute-feus
Bow
Bray'd
Breeches, Adam's first
green
Breese •
39
245
95
451
329
320
397
463
216
113
211
210
369
170
81
210
61
288
413
211
267
62
165
384
318
359
277
167
236
298
27
28
57
72
3-23
305
60
367
492
INDEX.
PAGE.
Brewer 53
Bright, Mr. Henry, his epi-
taph (Life) 10
Broking-traile in love 324
Brotherliood, holy 350
Brown I'Life) 25
Brown-bills 392
Bucephalus 55, 187
Bullen, siege of 49
Bull-feasts 3J4
Buiwer (Life) 25
Bunikin 54
Burton (Life) 25
Bntler (Life) 9-17
Byfield 39tj
Cabal 59,
Cacus
Caititf
Ca Ira of Paris (Life)
Calamies and Cases
Calaniy
Caldes'd
Calendae
Caliban
Caligula
Call islratus (Life)
Canibay, prince of
Caniclion
Cannibal
Capriches
Cardan
Cardinals
Carew
Carniina Macaronica (Life)
Carnal hour-glass
Carneades
Carroches
Casa, Cardinal
Case
Cashier'd and chous'd
Catasta
Cause
Ca'sar's horse
CiEsar, Julius 95,
Cerberus
Chaii, modern
Chaldeans
Chaldean conjurers
Characters by Bishop Earle
(Life)
Butler (Life)
Cleveland
(Life)
Chariots, whiuisy'd ••
Charles XII
Chartel
Charters, old
Cheat
Cheek by joul
Chimera
409
193
140
25
39ti
106
295
291
320
453
24
207
179
50
320
290
108
221
"23
101
38
448
191
106
372
187
104
54
282
39
59
282
291
17
17
17
307
152
36
200
251
182
170
PAOE.
Chineses 335
Chitterlings 85
Chous'd 295
Chronical 289
Church discii)line 105
dragoons 373
niililant 44
220
74
CirculiUion 289
Clapper-clawing
Classic
Classics 208
Clergy of her belly 342
Cloistered friars 339
Coals, ])rice of 384
Cold iron '27
Colon h;0
Comets 40,84
Commendation ninepence .57
Commissioners 104
Committee-men 3f 111
Commuted 318
Conclave 427
Conjurers 270, 279
Conscience 354. 399
Constellations 270,288
Conventicle 427
Conventicles 4.s7
Cook 433
Copernicus 290
Cordeliere 48
Cornets 400
Cornwall 2.59
Corrupted texts
Cotton's travesty (Life)
Cough
Course without-law ■■•
308
23
38
307
Coursing (Life)
in the schools .
11
422
Covenant 70
Covins 484
Cow-itch 235
Coy 342
Cravat 1G5
Crete, queen of 192
Creusa 89
Crincam 335
Cromwell 77, 224, 249
Crony 350,423
Crooked sticks 399
Cross and pile 334
the cudgels 370
Crowdero 64, 85
Crowley, poet 88
Cucking-stool 244
Cul pepper 258
Culprits 301
Cup, ancient 59
Cupid 138
Curmudgin 236
Curry 235
Curulewit 69
INDEX.
495
Cut-purse
Cynarcioiimrchy
PAGE.
.. Ill
• • 71
Dagger 52
Dalilahs 41(>
Damon 418
nazzUng-rnoin 312
Dead hoises 332
Dee, Dr 261
Demosthenes 40
Denham, Sir .John 268
Deodanil 481
Desboroujih 380
Devil's dam 369
loolting-glass 277
Devvtry 321
Dial 375
Di.ilei-ticSj 169
Diastole 265
Diego, Don 86
Dighy, Lord 104
— — Sir Keneliii (I.ile) 25
Dighted 157
Diogenes 159,339
Diomedes 101
Directory 166,237
Discretion 185
Disparata 174
Dispose 65
Dissenters 414
Dividends 370
Diurnals 180
Doctor, epidemic 94
Doctor's bill 65
Dog-boll 178
Doll, common 390
Dolts 393
Donship 444
Donzel 274
Double rliymes (l/ife) 27
Doublets 201
Dragon's tail 271
Drazels 345
Dream, erroneous 377
DriU'd 143
Drudging 52
Druids 293
Drum heads 3U5
Dry-nursed by a bear 87
Ducatoon 132
Dudgeon 33, 52
Dun 431
Scolus 42
Dunstan 27G
Earls Croondie (I/il'e) 11
Ears, inward 315
long ones 35
Echo 134
Efficace 394
Egyptians worship dogs . . 72
Eggs
• rotten
Elenchi
Elephant
Elf
Elysium
Empedocles
Enchantment
Engagement
Engine
Ensconc'd
Entity and quiddity
Epistolie obscnrovnm viro-
rum (Life)
Errant
Erra Pater
Eratosthenes
Essex
Et cetera, oath • ••
Execution
Exempts
Exigent
Exigents ,
Ex officio
Expedient 224
Extend
Extract numbers out of
matter
243
306
169
)0()
.^24
312
80
277
222
I9i
142
41
23
44
40
270
223
109
:ii5
394
:!4()
52
229
391
456
63
Facet 201
Fadg'd 369
Fame 179
Fanatics 359
Fantastic 189
Fantastical advowtry 321
Fate 252
Fears 34
Feathers 156
Fellow 93
Fern 440
Fight again 449
Fig-tree (Life) 22
Fines 343
Fisher's Folly 407
Fisk 268
Fitters 313
Fleetwood 380
Florio 211
Floud 61
Forlorn hope 363
Four seas 331
Frankpledsie 229
Freewill 45
Fiilhams 203
Gabardine 145
Galenist 457
Gallows-tree 268
Ganzas 285
Gaolers, Roman 329
Gauntlet, blue 113
494
INDEX.
PAGE.
Generation 341
Genethliacs 28'2
Geomancy 349
Geometry 28S
George-a-Green 236
Geor<;e, Sir or saint 93
Gihellines 399
Gills 243
Gizzards 398
Glass 333
Glassybubble 232
Cleaves 393
Glow-worm 371
Goats 398
Gniulibert 99
Goiopiiis Becanus 43
Gossip 181
Grass 10]
Greasy light 231
Greece 284
Greeu-hastings 305
Greenland 333
Green-men 334
Gresham-carts 303
college 308
Grey, Dr. (Life) 16
Grind her lips upon a mill 20]
Grizel 113
Grosled, Robert ■2m
Groves 38]
Guells 399
Gymnosophist 259
Halierdaslier
Hiliergeon
Hnli-nali
IJ:illinving carriers' packs
and bells
Iliiller i>roof
II niipden
ll.ins-lowns
Ilardiknute
Hard words
Hares
Harpocrates
Harrison
Haunches
Hayley rLile)
Hazlerig
Heart-breakers
Hebrew roots
Hector
Heir apparent
Helniont
Hemp-plot
Henderson
Heraclides
(Life)
Herald
Hermetic
Hiccius Doctius
388
145
294
384
314
104
379
348
33
243
430
221
384
25
4S2
47
37
118
379
216
370
421
333
26
281
90
400
High places
Hight
Hint
Hipparchus (Life) ..
Hoccaniore
Hocus-pocus
Hotborn
Holders-forth
Holidays
Holland . ..
Hollow flint
Honor
Honor's temple ■•• •
Hook or Crook
Horary inspection ..
Horseman's weight
Horse-shoe
Hose
Hudibras, his name
Hugger-mugger ••..
Hughson
Huns
Hurricane
Hypocondres
41
395,
Idus
lunatius
Ignis fatuus
Implicit aversion
generation
Imprimatur for Hudibras
(I^ife)
Independents
Indian magician
plantations
widows
Indians fought for monkeys'
teeth
Infant
Ingenuity and wit
Ingram, Mr. (Life)
Injunction, original (Life)
Intelligible world
Intelligences
Intiuences
Irish, wild
Iron lance
Ironside
Issachar
AGK
30)
,255
307
24
451
464
389
423
381
77
264
233
208
408
294
379
264
300
32
137
423
92
370
285
291
433
50
197
331
12
55
276
270
332
72
292
203
30
13
60
270
277
60
297
348
304
Jacob's staff 286
Jealousies 34
JelTeries, Thomas (Life).. 11
Jesuits 227
Jinuners, Sarah 298
Joan of France 97
Job 113
Jobbernol 403
Justice 459
Kelly 258,261,277
INDEX.
495
PAGE.
iCing Jesus 380
Kircherus 434
Knacks 298
Knee, stubborn 3G
Knisht, dubbed 121
Knightsbridge 415
Knights, cross-legged.. 56,465
of the post. • . C4, 254
Ladies of the lakes 341
Lady-day 340
I-Jiinbert 380
Lancoon 77
Law, goes to 458
Laws, fundamental 71
Lawyers 251
Lay-elder 1G2
League, holy, in France . . 100
Leaguer 190
Learning, ancient and mod-
ern 82
that cobweb of
the brain 171
Leash of languages 39
Leech 91
Lenthal 303
Lescus 261
Levet 239
Lewkners 341
Leyden. John of 380
Lijrlit, new 285
Lilbourn 388
Lillibnrlero (Life) 24,25
Lilly, William.... 40, 258, 298
Linsey-woolsey 383
Linstock 247
Lub's pound 156
Longees 316
l/oudon 257
Love 209, 481
Loveday, Dr. (Life) 30
Lcivers 344
Louse 264
Luez 435
Luke, Sir Samuel 35
his family (Life) .. 12
Lunatics 285
Lurisford 415
Liiich 301, 373
liUte-strings 263
Luther, Miirtin 257
Lydian dubs 210
Machiavol 354
Magi, Persian 363
Matrnano 1.59
Mahomet 46, 270, 395
Maidenheads 263
Mainprized 254
Maintenance 463
Malignants 108
I'AOE.
Mall, English 97
Mamaluke 76
Mandrake 337
Manicon 322
Mantles della guerre 242
Mantos, yellow 334
Marcle-hill 417
Margaret's fast 3il!
Marriage 193, 329-33 1
Marry 462
Mars 259
Marshal Legion's 44--:
Mascon 2.57
Masses 421
Mathematic line 33)^
Matter, naked 63
Mazarenade (Life) 24
Mazzard Ill
Median emperor 282
Med'cine 25 1
Melatnpus 62
Menckenius 266
Mercurius aulicus (Life).- 13
Merlin 96
Meroz 417
Metaphysic wit 41
Metonomy 275
Michaelmas 346
Milton 67
Mince pies 45
Miscreants 376
Mompesson 182
Momus 232
Monies 423
Montaigne 216
playing with his cat 36
Moon 213,262
flloral men 376
Mordicus 72
Morpion 326
Mother wits 471
Music malleable 44
Nab, mother 406
Naked truth 445
Napier 299,387
Nash 301
National 74
Navel 44
Nebuchadnezzar 467
Necromantic 254
Negus 187
Neile 308
New-enlightened men 372
Nick 355
Night 3.56
Ninimers 298
Nine-worthiness 119
Nock 49
Noel, Sir Martin 431
Nokes, Joan of 331
496
INDEX.
PAGE. I
Number of the beast 404
N uncheons 51
iN nrenberg, Eusebius 85
Nurse, to 306
Nurture 306
Nye 396, 472
0:iths 353
Ob 422
Ochani, William 42
Old <1ogs, young 307
Testament 415
women 328
Oliver Cromwell 377
Onslaught 142
Opposition 292
Orcades 397
Ordeal 312
Ordinances 72,227
Origen (Life) 26
Orsin 86, 133
Os sacrum 436
Ovation 244
Owen 396
Owl 283
Athenian 286
Oxford (Life) 11
Lord (Life) 30
Padders 364
Palmistry 301
Paper lanthorn 211
Paracelsian 457
Paracelsus 85,264
Paradise, bird of 269
on earth 341
seat of 42
Parliament, female 212
Paris, garden 88
Parthians 130,471
Patents 89
Pawns 339
Paws, bears suck them . • • 92
Paying poundage 381
Pearce, Dr. Zachary (Life) 14
Peccadillos 360
Pegu, emperor of 86
Pendulum 296
Penguins 82
Penitentials 209
Penthesile 97
Perfection-truths 122
Pernicion 164
Perpendic'lars 290
Perriwigs 156,472
Persia 86
Petard 337
Petitions 107
Pelronel 114
Pharsalia 83
Philip and Mary 334
PAGE.
Philips, Sir Richard 349
Fhilo (Life) 26
Philters 312
Physiognomy of grace 164
Picqueer 389
Picture, itch of 67
Pie-powder 229
Pigeons, eastern 179
Pigs 415
Pigsney 198
Pipkins 164
Pique 403,411
Pithy saws 208
Plagiaries 458
Planetary nicks 277
Platonic lashing 320
Plato's year 308
Pope 398
Pope's bull 163
Populia 73
Port cannons 156
Po, spirit 357
Postulate illation 207
Potentia 41
Potosi 322
Poundage of rei)er.tance •. 361
Povidering tubs 410
Presbyterians .••• ^5, 162, 166
Prester John ISii
Pretences to learning ridi-
culed (Life) 2.1
Pride, Sir 423,433
Prior(Life) 20
Priscian 225
Privilege, frail 71
Proboscis 265
Proclus (Life) 26
Proletarian 70
Promethean powder 148
Prophecies 381
Protestation 72, 222
Ptolemies 434
Public faith 224
Pug-robin 358
Pulpit 35
Punese 326
Punk 34
Purchas's Pilgrim (Life) • • 25
Purging comfits 138
Purposes 345
Purtenance 138
Pygmalion 139
Pyrrhus, King 186
Pythagoras 279
Pythias 418
Quacks of government ••• 385
auail'd 135
auarlile 292
Ciueen of night 355
Q.uerpo 447
INDEX.
497
PAGE.
.. 3-16
65
Question and command
nativity of • • • ■
anillets 405
Guint of Generals 432
Cluirks 465
Rabbins
Ralph
Ranks
Ranter
Ratiocination
Read a verse
Recant
Red-coat seculars
Reforniado 372,
Reformation
godly thorough
puppet play . . .
Religion
Render
Replevin
Ribbons
Ride astride
Riding dispensation .. 315,
Rirnnion
Rinaldo
Ring
Robbers
Rochets
Rods of iron
Romances
Romulus
Rooks
Rosemary
Rosycrucian 62,
Rota-men
Rovers ..
Round table
Royalists
Rump 380, 434,
Russell, Sir William (Life)
Safety
Saints .
bell
Saint Martin's beads .
Salique law
Saltinbancho
Sambcnites
Sand-bags
Sarum
Satire Menipp6e
(Life) ....
Saturn 259, 273,
Sausage-maker
Saxon duke
Scaliger
Sceptic
Scire facias
Sconce
Scribes
229
55
450
171
169
313
222
382
420
104
44
64
368
311
478
202
98
357
402
454
382
287
393
384
80
378
38
210
441
299
343
30
375
436
9
380
3R3
351
479
488
295
434
371
258
109
22
281
429
185
290
234
346
317
164
PASS
Scrimansky 91
Scriptures express on every
subject 74
Scrivener 132
Secchia rapita (Life) 21
Second-hand intention ••. 275
Secret ones 384,399
Secular prince of darkness 299
Sedgwick 272
Selden (Life) 12
Self-denying 119, 128
ordinance 119, 128
Semiramis 205
Sergeants 165
Serpent at the fall 44
Set 332
Shaftesbury, earl of 385
Shilling 334
Sickle 264
Sidrophel ,.. 255
, epistle to 304
Sieve and shears 96, 274
Sijznatures 323
Silk- worms 337
Sing a verse 313
Sirname of saint 384
Sir Sun 88
Skimmington 039
Skull, Indian 197
Slash'd sleeves 39
Slates, figured 264
Slubberdegullion 155
Smectymnnus 165
Snuff enlightened 58
Society Royal (Life) 25
Socrates 170
Sollers 422
Somerset, protector 81
Sooterkin 374
Soothsayers 291
Sorc'rers 256
Spaniard whipped 54
Spiritual order 373
Sporus 241
Squirt-fire 419
Staffordshire 69,85
Stains 188
Stand-stable 138
State-cauielion 386
Statute 480
Stave arid tail 87
Staved 131
Steered by fate 76
Stentrophonic voice 319
Sterry, I'eter 377
Stiles, John of 33
Stone, heavens made of .. 28
Stools 36
Strafford, earl of 268
Stum 198
Stygian ferry 377
498
INDEX.
PAGE.
Stypian sophister • 297
SiRcussatioii 8-3
Sudden death 203
Sufrcil'd 160
Sultan populace 451
Suniiner-sault 4G3
Sun 289
Surplices 382
Swaddle 36
Swanswick 371
Swedes 240
Swinging 219
Swiss 450
Symbols, signs, and tricks 277
Sympathetic powder 90
Synods 381
Systole 3C5
Tail'd 131
Tails 200
Tales 404
Taliacotius 48
Talisman 59
Talismanique louse 325
Tarsel 209
Tartar 154
Taw'd 211
Telescope 269
Ten-hornM cattle 417
Termagants 98
Third estate of souls 384
Thirty tyrants 218
Thomas Aquinas 42
Thumb 382
Tillers 312
Tiresias 62
Toasts 210
Tobacco-stopper 271
Toledo 51
ToUutation 82
Toothache 263
Tottipottomoy 234
Trait 210
Triers 164
Trigons 291
Trine 292
Trismegistus 279
Triumph 239
Troth 188
Truckle-bed 219
True-blue Presbyterian. •• 44
Trulla 97
Trustees 38
covenanting 362
Truth 41,280
Tully 216
Turks 91,98
Tuscan running-horse .... 438
Two-foot trout 252
TychoBrahe 40
Tyrian queen 56
PAGE.
Unsanctified trustees 372
Utlegalion 362
Varlet 192
Vermin 308
Vespasian 248
Vessel 313
Vestal nuns .339
Villain 33]
Vinegar 206
Virgo 273
Vitilitisation 169
Vizard^bead 346
Waller, Sir William
Walnut-shell
Warbeck, Perkin
Warders
Warwick, earl of
Washing
Water- witch 190,
Welkin
Wesley, Mr. Samuel (Lile)
Whachuin 200,
Whale
Whetstone
Whiffler
Whinyard
Whistles
White
sleeves 3.54,
Whittington
Whv not
Wight
Wild, Sergeant
Will
Windore 193,
Winged arrows
Witches 230,
liapland
Witherington
Withers
Wizards .•'•
Woodstock
Words congealed wi north-
ern air
debased and hard •
new
Workings-out
Wrest, in Bedfordshire
(Life)
Wrestlers, Greek and Ro-
man
Years of blood
Yell
Yerst
103
204
194
286
93
]3()
4G5
179
17
273
271
ISO
241
144
240
210
393
395
237
35
411
383
232
455
250
231
130
GO
355
258
41
40
40
391
Zany
Zenith
Zodiac-constellation
Zoroaster • ■•
93
404
146
157
266
270
291
279
o p.
o 0
I
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY
Los Angeles
This book is DUE on the last date stamped below.
: 8 1958
14^363
l^^^
19
trwtp '
j^i 1
LD-URL
**-a
m nr::
FEB2 3191I7
EEC'O LO-URU
REC'D coLi^o-
rj^
1^
Di »««^ (iAY2 2l!|7K0V
||tf<18l96V
S-P 141965
»M
'.ta^DiD;U%, JUN2 2 ioq3
AUG 0 - 1995
REC'D IDURC
OCT 06 1386
i9-a7m-3,'57 (C5424s4)444
""■""" ■I'iraiiiii
776 6;
AA 000 367 709 3
t?» iiSITY of CALIFORNIA
.OS ANGELES
LIBRARY