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ISAM'S

SPECTACLES
*

HARRY STILLWELL EDWARDS

AUTHOR OF

"TWO RUNAWAYS." "HIS DEFENSE"
"ENEAS AFR1CANUS." ETC.

:

PUBLISHED BY

THEJ. W. BURKE COMPANY
MACON, GEORGIA

COPYRIGHT. 192U
BY THE J. W. BURKE COMPANY

£455

ham's Spectacles

ISAM sat on the back steps at Woodhaven,
the yard full of the cool, deep shadows of
twilight, Helen's little boy by his side, and
Major Worthington, as usual, smoking in his
great arm-chair, with one of his stout legs
peacefully reposing on the balustrade of the
veranda. Not far away, in the deep shadow,
was Helen, dreaming, with hands clasped be
hind her shapely head.

The little boy was impatiently shaking the
old negro's arm and pleading:

"Please, Unc' Isam! please! You've been
promising for a week to tell me how you saved
your life with a pair of spectacles."

"Was hit er true story, honey?" Isam
scratched his chin reflectively, and the major
chuckled.

[5]

373

1H ISAM'S SPECTACLES $

"Yes; a true story. Of course it was true
if it happened to you, wasn't it, Unc' Isam?"

"To be sho, to be sho." The old man ap
peared to be studying over some half-forgot
ten incident. He began slowly and cautiously :
"I disremember now perzactly 'bout de spec-
tides. I disremember 'bout de specticles. An'
I done save mer life so many times — you don't
mean when de bees an' de goat tackled me, an'
driv Marse Craffud unner de kitchin, does
yer?"

"Oh, no, no, no ! That wasn't the time."

"Den dere was de special 'casion," said
Isam, dreamily, "when I fought de whole
Yankee yarmy out up yonner 'bout Chicken-
mauger, an' save mer life, 'long wid er whole
waggin-train an' er lot er niggers ter boot."

"Oh, no, Unc' Isam; you know what I

mean."

"An' time when I save mer life wid er
watch, while Marse Craffud was prac'sin' wid
a pistul on Marse Rem Billin's — "

[6]

$ ISAM'S SPECTACLES 0?

"No, no; not that. Don't you know you
went to town with Uncle Crawford, and they
took you to some place where all the doctors
stay?"

"Oom-hoo! Oom-hoo ! Now I sorter 'gin
ter ketch what you been drivin' at. Ef you'd
des said docters de fus time, an' not kep' on
beatin' 'bout de bushes so long — what ails yer,
chile, anyhow?" he asked with a show of in
dignation. "Whar yer git dat roun'erbout way
of not comin' straight out an' sayin' wha' 's on
yo' min'? You don't git hit f'om me, 'cause I
ain't er man to was'e words; an' you don't git
hit f'om Miss Helen, 'cause when she got any
thing ter say, hit comes straight out. Hit's
'Isam, I want you to hitch up er horse,' or
'Isam, fetch er pail er water,' or, 'Isam, have
'em serve supper'; an' so on. Marse Craffud
conies to de p'int in er lope : 'Isam, — yo' — ' '

"Isam, don't use such language in the pres
ence of my child!" Helen's voice floated out
reproachfully from the shadow.

$? ISAM'S SPECTACLES <$$

"Dere, now! What I tell yer, honey? Ain't
no roun'erbout an' com-up-behin'-yer in dat.
She know des what ter say, an' — "

The little boy shook the old man with both
hands.

"Oh, Unc' Isam, you know what I want.
Go on, please — p-1-e-a-s-e !"

"Lemme steddy erwhile ; lemme steddy. I
disremember perzactly whar de specticles
come in. Savin' mer life was er special fac'.
Why n't yer ask me 'bout dis hyah story 'long
time ergo? Big fac's is all right; dey hangs
in de min' of man like cockle-burs in es
breetches leg, an' he cyan't loose 'em. He
sorter feels 'em er-techin' somewhar all time ;
but dese hyah miser'ble little trashy fac's
cyan't be 'pended on no time. Now, in gen'l,
specticles is mos'ly er little fac' ; you can lay
down specticles an' tek up specticles, an' hit
don't count fer nothin' on yer min'. Hit's like
er ole 'oman fannin' herse'f ter sleep in er

[8]

$? ISAM'S SPECTACLES $*

cheer, an' gittin' her nap out 'thout breakin'
her lick."

"You reached out and took them off the
table — don't you remember?"

"Seems ter me like I do sorter ketch er little
shimmer of hit. I reached out, tuk 'em f'om
de table, an' den what? I'm er-stumblin'
ergin."

"You reached out and took them off the
table, and put them on, and sat up in bed —
don't you remember?"

Isam looked at his questioner with wide-
open eyes.

"Sholy. I sholy does. Hit all comes back
ter me des like hit was yestiddy. But, honey,
ef yer know all 'bout dis 'spe'iunce of mine,
what yer keep on pesterin' me 'bout hit fer?
It ain't ev'y man c'n tell de same story des
erlike more 'an oncest. Ef I done gi' yer dis
story oncest, an' I tell yer de same story wid
er special diff'unce in de tex', yer goin' ter rack
roun' dis hyah plantation lettin' on erbout hit

[9]

ISAM'S SPECTACLES

to Hannah an' Silvy an' 'Mandy an' er whole
passel er tattlin' niggers, an' git me drapt f om
de church fer de ninth time. Lemme keep in
de norrer paf, chile; don't crowd me, don't
crowd me."

"You haven't told me anything but that,"
said the little boy, earnestly. "You just told
me your spectacles were once lying on a little
table, and you reached out and took them, and
sat up in bed, and put them on, and saved your
life. You promised me if I would get you a
plug of tobacco out of Uncle Crawford's
closet — "

"An' I'm er-goin' ter tell yer 'bout hit
right now," said Isam, raising his voice and
straightening up. "You got too much sense
fer any chile livin', an' dere ain't no way to
head yer off, once yer git started. Whar yer
want me to pick up de story?"

The major and Helen were silently laugh
ing. The little boy dropped down happily be-

[10]

4? ISAM'S SPECTACLES if

side the old negro's side, and rested one arm
on his knee.

uTell me all about it — every bit."
"All is er heap, honey, specially when hit
comes ter er story what's true. Dere ain't no
tellin' whar any story what's true gits hits fus
start. Dis hyah story er mine heads erway
back yonner'fo' you was born, an' I ain't sayin'
perzactly how much more. Hit heads 'long
erbout muscadine-time somewhar an' hit come
of me gittin' er muscadine-seed hitched in mer
vermafooge pendullum." There was a sudden
explosion where the major sat, and fire flew
from his pipe. Isam looked toward him
silently a few moments, one eyebrow twitch
ing silently. "I never tole dis story but twicest
befo'," he said, "an' Marse Craffud blowed
all de fire outer his pipe at de same place, bofe
times."

"But, Unc' Isam, what did you say it was
that the muscadine-seed got into?"

ISAM'S SPECTACLES

The old man took the little boy's hand sol
emnly and pressed it against his heart.

"Wha's dat rookus goin' on inside dere?
Tech me, tech me! Don't be erfeared ter
tech me."

"That's your heart beating."

"Oom-hoo! des so. An' dat's what move
all de inside works uv er man, too. Hit's de
clock; an' when hit gits outer gear, hit's good
bye, Isam ! Go upstairs, honey, 'fo' yer go ter
bed, an' look thoo de little roun' glass in
de wais' of de big clock in de hall, an' yer goin'
ter see somep'n' waggin' ercross f'om one side
to de yuther, an' tickin' erway ter beat de
ban'—"

"Oh, I've seen that many a time. That's
the pendulum."

"Dis boy is sho got sense," said Isam,
slowly. "Ain't nothin' goin' on 'bout de place
he don't know. Oom-hoo ! honey, dat's de
pendullum; an' dere's somep'n' inside ev'y
man dey calls er pendullum, too — er verma-

[12]

ISAM'S SPECTACLES

fooge pendullum ; an' when hit quits er-work-
in', dat man on de outside knocks off erlong
'bout de same time. Ef you don't b'lieve hit,
you ax anybody ef dey ever hyah tell of er
tickin' inside er dead man, or seen er man up
an' goin' erbout when de inside tickin' done
quit." This statement was being gravely pon
dered by the little boy when the old man con
tinued: "De muscadine-seed lodge in de pen
dullum, an' de fus news I got, de mis'ry ketch
me unner the bottom rib on mer right side ; an'
hit stuck dere, comin' an' er-goin' mo' er less
ye'r in an' ye'r out, tell I 'mos' fergit how ter
walk on mer heels. Many an' many er time I
couldn't more'n git up f'om mer cheer, much
less git er bucket er water f'om de well. An'
when hit come ter hoein' in de gyarden, de
mis'ry was des scand'lous. Marse Craffud is
er-laughin' up yonner, honey, ergin, but I'm
er-talkin' fac's ter yer des de same. Hit was
des natchully too scand'lous ter git erlong wid.
An' den come erlong Docter Bailey, one day,

[13]

$>g ISAM'S SPECTACLES $

an' tuk er look at me, an' press es finger hyah
an' plump me dere; an' bimeby he pass his
'pinion dat I'd done got er seed in mer verma-
fooge pendullum. Hit sholy scyared me f'om
de start, 'cause Docter Bailey is somebody
what knows de name of ev'ything on de inside
of er man, an' can cut er man's leg off wid es
eyes shet an' never tek his seegyar outer es
mouf. He knows all de titlements of what
'flicts er nigger, an' tell him whar he aches 'fo'
he done settle on de spot esse'f ; an' des whar
ter drop er little ile, an' when ter brace up
ev'ything wid er dram. An' when Docter
Bailey let on 'bout dat muscadine-seed, an' I
knowed I'd been er-swallerin' 'em forty ye'rs
ruther 'n hunt roun' in mer mouf fer 'em, I
'mos' drapt down in mer tracks, I was so
pluralized wid de shock. De mis'ry got worser
an' worser f'om dat day on; an' den dey up
an' say ef dey don't tek me inter town an' have
de seed distracted f'om whar hit done been
lodge, I was sholy er gone nigger. Honey, hit

ISAM'S SPECTACLES

tuk me nigh on ter fo' weeks ter mek up mer
min', an' de mis'ry helpin' all night. Look like
I would n' more'n shet mer eyes 'fo' I'd hyah
dat pendullum knock off, an' I'd jump fer
fresh air at de winder an' set ev'ything inside
er me rackin' erlong like er scyared rabbit.
An' in de daylight I got ter goin' in yonner an'
wastin' mer time front er de big clock, an'
wishin' hit was ole Isam gittin' erlong so
steady, tick-noc, tick-noc — so steady, an' hit
forty ye'rs ole when Marse Craffud was a
baby!

"Well, I drag erlong tell one dey Marse
Craffud he git mad an' mek 'em hitch up de
blacks; an' he got me inside de coach wid him,
an' gi' de word fer town. Bless Gord! 'fo' I
had mer min' made up, I was yonner in de
horsepk'l, ondressed, layin' up in bed. Dey
ain' been er man moved so fas' sence er chair't
snatch up ole man 'Lijah. An' dar I lay, full
er 'spicion by day an' wrastlin' wid de night-
mar' by night. But folks was sho good ter me,

[15]

ISAM'S SPECTACLES

honey; dey sho was. Dey say I warn't goin'
ter be teched fer fo' days, leastwise not tell
dey done got me sorter 'conditioned' up to de
right pitch ; but, oom-m-m ! de stuff dey gim
me ter swaller!" Isam made a grimace that
started the little boy laughing. "Look ter me
like de pu' smell of hit was ernough ter stop
any town clock in de worl'. An' Miss Helen
she come an' fetched er whole raft er pictur'
papers an' mer ole specticles; an' dere I lay
an' steddy 'bout de doin's in de worl' outside
— de young 'omen in dey short dresses an' de
men in dey woolens goin' in er-swimmin' ter-
gyether, an' proud o' hit ; an' er ship erfire ; an'
er whole passel er sojers runnin' er man up er
hill what done stole dey flag, I reck'n; an'er
railroad injine fallin' off er trestl'. But, chile,
I never seed er pictur' of anybody in sech
trouble as I was er-havin' over des one musca
dine-seed. Dere was er man 'long erbout de
back of de paper what seem like he was er-
sufferin' mightily, f'om de 'spression of his

f* ISAM'S SPECTACLES H?

face ; an' ernuther man right erlong side o' 'im
fat an' sassy an' er-laughin' fit ter kill esse'f.
I spelled out dat hit was de same man 'befo' '
an' de same man 'after,' an' I say ter merself,
'I don't wonder at 'im, ef hit means er musca
dine-seed.' Hit didn't help me much, 'cause I
couldn't tell which pictur.' was took las'. I laid
out ter ask Miss Helen; but when she come,
she come er-cryin', an' drapt down dere by me
on 'er knees an' 'gin ter pray. Honey, I been
scyared er heap er times in mer life, but when
yo' mar drapt down dere an' ask de good
Lord ter be wid me in mer 'fliction, an', case
hit was his will dat I shouldn't be spa'd, ter
lead me thoo de valley an' de shadder, well,
hit tuk her an' er nigger 'oman an' two young
docters ter hoi' me in dat bed ! Dey never did
hoi' me tell somebody jabbed me in de hip wid
er hipperderme contraption — "

"What was it they jabbed you with, Unc'
Isam?" asked the little boy, eagerly.

"Oh, I don't know, chile; hit was some

[17]

ISAM'S SPECTACLES

sorter little tin squirt-gun wid er p'int like er
hornet's tail." Isam rubbed his leg gently and
sighed. "When I woke up dey say I done been
'sleep; an' I hyah Docter Bailey say hit's bes'
ter break de news ter me. I gyethered that I
was er mighty sick man — er mighty sick man !
Ev'ybody was stirrin' roun' on dey tiptoe, an'
de air was natchully heavy wid trouble. Doc
ter Bailey pass out an' lef me er-steddyin', an'
'bout dat time I seed de young docters busy
in de nex' room, movin' things hyah an' er-
movin' things yonner — spreadin' er cloth,
clinkin' dishes, an' washin' dey han's in er
chiny bowl. So much doin' erbout sot me ter
steddyin' mo' an' mo', an' tekin' mo' intrust.
I ketch de eye of de nigger 'oman when she
pass de do', an' she come close to de bed.
'Chile,' I says, des so, 'you is 'bout de likeliest
gal I seen sence freedom. Is yo' sweet name
Heartstrings?'

" 'No,' she answered me back; 'mer name
is des Lucy Ann.'

[18]

$? ISAM'S SPECTACLES $

" 'Oom-hoo!' says I, 'hit's er name 'mos'
as putty as de gal what er-wearin' hit. Lucy
Ann, is de white gemmen in de nex' room
gittin' mer dinner ready? Seems like I hyah
de clink o' dishes, an' ef mer eyes don't fool
me, Docter Muckhat'n had er cyarvin'-knife
in es han' des now. I sholy would want some
dinner, fer dey's been er-feedin' me on prom-
isses to' times er day fer fo' days, an' I'm
natchully hongry. Gord knows I done swal-
lered ernough "condition" powders ter eat er
sawmill steer.'

"Well, wid dat she look at me sorter cu'ious
like outer de lef corner of 'er eye.

"'Dinner?' says she. 'Dinner?'

" 'Oom-hoo!' says I, 'ain't yer never hyah
tell of er man eatin' dinner?'

"She look at me like I done gone 'stracted.

" 'Why, man,' she says, des so, 'dey is git-
tin' ready in dere ter perform on er sick man.'
' 'Lucy Ann,' says I, atter waitin' fer mer

[19]

ISAM'S SPECTACLES

pendullum ter start ter tickin' ergin, 'is dere
anybody sick in dis hyah house ?'

"'Yes,' says she; 'ain't you sick, Unc'
Isam?'

' 'Ain't nobody sick hyah but me?' says I.

" 'Nobody but you,' she answer back, an'
out she went.

"Den I 'lowed ef dere warn't nobody sick
dere but me, dat all de gittin' ready in de nex'
room was fer me. I sot up sudden in de bed,
an' reach fer mer specticles, an' clapped 'em
on, bein' nigh-sighted. 'Bout dat time de
youngest docter open er box an' start ter layin'
out saws an' long, cu'ious knives an' wrenches
wid twisted handles; an' Docter Muckhat'n
scratch er match on his right leg ter light er
paper chee-root, an' I hyah 'im say, 'Dere
ain't much chance fer de ole nigger, but we'll
cut 'im open an' see what ails 'im.' Well,
honey, I knowed den dat warn't no place fer
me. I let mer foot to de flo'; ses I, leg save
de body; I slip 'cross de room, an' stuck mer

[20]

$? ISAM'S SPECTACLES $

foot in mer breetches ; I gyethered mer shoes
in mer lef han', an' drapt outer de nighes'
winder like er wet towel. I hit de groun',
er runnin', an' tek de main road outer town,
an' I cross de fiel's like er man's tracks. It
come ter my min', when I hit de valley whar
de log cross de crik, 'bout how yo' ma done
pray fer somebody ter lead me thoo de shad-
der, an' I quicken mer lick when I look back
an' see de sun drap behin' er cloud, an' er
shadder comin' erlong on my trail. I was
sholy movin' ! I done lead dat shadder
plumb home in er seven-mile race. I did n'
know I was done hyah tell I hit head fo'mos'
'g'inst de back do', an' shuk ev'y winder-pane
in de house. Dat's what mek me say as how
de specticles save mer life."

"But, Unc' Isam," said the little boy, when
he had ceased to laugh, "what became of the
muscadine-seed?"

"De muscadine-seed? Well, honey, when
I hit dat back do' head fo'mos' I reck'n I des

[21]

% ISAM'S SPECTACLES $

natchully swallered hit furder. Yo' uncle kin
laugh, an' yo' ma kin laugh, but I know what
I'm er-talkin' erbout. I ain't never been so shuk
up in all my horned days as I was when I look
thoo dese specticles for dinner, an' seed
dem perform'm' instermunts on dat table —
'cept when I hit de back do' of dis house. Des
one little ole pa'r of specticles," continued
Isam, taking off his glasses tenderly — "des
one little ole pa'r specticles! An' ter think
how many times I done sot on 'em, an' drapt
'em, an' lef 'em erroun' for er aggervatin'
boy to projec' wid! Hit fa'rly meks me col'
f 'om head ter foot ! When er man cyan't look
thoo er do' wid es necked eye an' know de
diff'unce 'twixt perform'm' instermunts an' er
lay-out fer dinner, hit's time ter tie es spec
ticles on ter 'im. Chile, ef ever yer see dese
hyah specticles o' mine layin' erroun' loose
anywhar, call me — call me !"

That night, when Isam was closing the

[22]

ISAMS SPECTACLES

house, he found the little boy in his night
gown, intently studying the pendulum through
the round glass in the "waist" of the great hall
clock.

*Books by zjtfr. Edwards

"Two Runaways" and other stories $1.75

"His Defense" and other stories 1.75

"The Marbeau Cousins," 12 mo. cloth 1.50

"Eneas Africanus," new edition, paper .50

"Eneas Africanus," new edition, board .75

"Eneas Africanus," new edition illustrated 1.00

"Eneas Africanus," Flexible Ooze Leather 2.00

"Just Sweethearts," paper bound .50

"Just Sweethearts," Christmas bound 1.00

"Just Sweethearts," Ooze Calf 2.00

"How Sal Came Through" .50

"Brother Sims's Mistake" .50

"Isam's Spectacles" .50

"The Adventures of a Parrot" .50

"Shadow" — A Christmas Story .50

"The Vulture and His Shadow" .50

The demand for "Eneas" and other books of Mr.
Edwards is so great that we believe his friends will
appreciate our bringing out these additional gems of
the Old South, the old-time negro and his old-time
"white folks."

All of these will not be ready at the same time, but
orders will be filled as rapidly as the books are off the
press, and we will appreciate advance orders.

Postpaid to any address
THE J. W. BURKE COMPANY

PUBLISHERS

MACON, GEORGIA

j&j&KgS

ml

Manufactured by
CttORD BROS. !«•

fcnroeuw.

M.Y.

Stockton, Collf .